From 62f4bc0f6a216e1bef75f4c3e8d37fbde8138136 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Chip Nguyen Date: Fri, 18 Oct 2019 17:16:31 -0700 Subject: [PATCH 001/138] process woz data Signed-off-by: Chip Nguyen --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py | 11 + .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py | 5 + collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/nlp.py | 82 ++++ examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 59 +++ examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py | 363 ++++++++++++++++++ examples/nlp/scripts/woz/replacements.txt | 83 ++++ 6 files changed, 603 insertions(+) create mode 100644 collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py create mode 100644 collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/nlp.py create mode 100644 examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py create mode 100644 examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py create mode 100644 examples/nlp/scripts/woz/replacements.txt diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..e97e48119b4f --- /dev/null +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +import os + +from torch.utils.data import Dataset + + +class DSTDataset(Dataset): + def __init__(self, data_file): + self.data_file = data_file + + def prepare_data(self): + pass diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py index 79793f32e284..65d313a438af 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py @@ -794,3 +794,8 @@ def __init__(self, self.train_file = f'{data_dir}/train.txt' self.eval_file = f'{data_dir}/valid.txt' self.test_file = f'{data_dir}/test.txt' + + +def create_dst_mem_files(data_dir): + lang_file = f'{data_dir}/lang.pkl' + mem_lang_file =f'{data_dir}/mem_lang.pkl' diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/nlp.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/nlp.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..4103a9ee84fc --- /dev/null +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/nlp.py @@ -0,0 +1,82 @@ +def normalize(text): + # lower case every word + text = text.lower() + + # replace white spaces in front and end + text = re.sub(r'^\s*|\s*$', '', text) + + # hotel domain pfb30 + text = re.sub(r"b&b", "bed and breakfast", text) + text = re.sub(r"b and b", "bed and breakfast", text) + + # normalize phone number + ms = re.findall('\(?(\d{3})\)?[-.\s]?(\d{3})[-.\s]?(\d{4,5})', text) + if ms: + sidx = 0 + for m in ms: + sidx = text.find(m[0], sidx) + if text[sidx - 1] == '(': + sidx -= 1 + eidx = text.find(m[-1], sidx) + len(m[-1]) + text = text.replace(text[sidx:eidx], ''.join(m)) + + # normalize postcode + ms = re.findall('([a-z]{1}[\. ]?[a-z]{1}[\. ]?\d{1,2}[, ]+\d{1}[\. ]?[a-z]{1}[\. ]?[a-z]{1}|[a-z]{2}\d{2}[a-z]{2})', + text) + if ms: + sidx = 0 + for m in ms: + sidx = text.find(m, sidx) + eidx = sidx + len(m) + text = text[:sidx] + re.sub('[,\. ]', '', m) + text[eidx:] + + # weird unicode bug + text = re.sub(u"(\u2018|\u2019)", "'", text) + + # replace time and and price + text = re.sub(timepat, ' [value_time] ', text) + text = re.sub(pricepat, ' [value_price] ', text) + #text = re.sub(pricepat2, '[value_price]', text) + + # replace st. + text = text.replace(';', ',') + text = re.sub('$\/', '', text) + text = text.replace('/', ' and ') + + # replace other special characters + text = text.replace('-', ' ') + text = re.sub('[\":\<>@\(\)]', '', text) + + # insert white space before and after tokens: + for token in ['?', '.', ',', '!']: + text = insertSpace(token, text) + + # insert white space for 's + text = insertSpace('\'s', text) + + # replace it's, does't, you'd ... etc + text = re.sub('^\'', '', text) + text = re.sub('\'$', '', text) + text = re.sub('\'\s', ' ', text) + text = re.sub('\s\'', ' ', text) + for fromx, tox in replacements: + text = ' ' + text + ' ' + text = text.replace(fromx, tox)[1:-1] + + # remove multiple spaces + text = re.sub(' +', ' ', text) + + # concatenate numbers + tmp = text + tokens = text.split() + i = 1 + while i < len(tokens): + if re.match(u'^\d+$', tokens[i]) and \ + re.match(u'\d+$', tokens[i - 1]): + tokens[i - 1] += tokens[i] + del tokens[i] + else: + i += 1 + text = ' '.join(tokens) + + return text diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..5b5e3ddf4812 --- /dev/null +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -0,0 +1,59 @@ +""" An implentation of the paper "Transferable Multi-Domain State Generator +for Task-Oriented Dialogue Systems" (Wu et al., 2019) + + +""" +import argparse + + +from nemo_nlp.data.datasets.woz_utils import * + +parser = argparse.ArgumentParser( + description='Multi-domain dialogue state tracking') +parser.add_argument("--local_rank", default=None, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--batch_size", default=32, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--eval_batch_size", default=24, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--max_seq_length", default=50, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--num_gpus", default=1, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--num_epochs", default=10, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--num_train_samples", default=-1, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--num_eval_samples", default=-1, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.1, type=float) +parser.add_argument("--lr", default=2e-5, type=float) +parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default="WarmupAnnealing", type=str) +parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.01, type=float) +parser.add_argument("--fc_dropout", default=0.1, type=float) +parser.add_argument("--pretrained_bert_model", + default="bert-base-uncased", type=str) +parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/dialog/multiwoz', type=str) +parser.add_argument("--dataset_name", default='multiwoz', type=str) +parser.add_argument("--train_file_prefix", default='train', type=str) +parser.add_argument("--eval_file_prefix", default='test', type=str) +parser.add_argument("--none_slot_label", default='O', type=str) +parser.add_argument("--pad_label", default=-1, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--work_dir", default='outputs', type=str) +parser.add_argument("--save_epoch_freq", default=1, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--save_step_freq", default=-1, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--optimizer_kind", default="adam", type=str) +parser.add_argument("--amp_opt_level", default="O0", + type=str, choices=["O0", "O1", "O2"]) +parser.add_argument("--do_lower_case", action='store_false') +parser.add_argument("--shuffle_data", action='store_false') + + +# parser.add_argument('--vocab_size', default=1, type=int) + +# # Testing Setting +# parser.add_argument('-rundev', '--run_dev_testing', help='', +# default=0, type=int) +# parser.add_argument('-viz', '--vizualization', +# help='vizualization', type=int, default=0) +# parser.add_argument('-gs', '--genSample', help='Generate Sample', +# type=int, default=0) +# parser.add_argument('-evalp', '--evalp', +# help='evaluation period', default=1) +# parser.add_argument('-an', '--addName', +# help='An add name for the save folder', default='') +# parser.add_argument('-eb', '--eval_batch', help='Evaluation Batch_size', +# type=int, default=0) + diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..61c0b79271e0 --- /dev/null +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py @@ -0,0 +1,363 @@ +# -*- coding: utf-8 -*- +""" +Dataset: http://dialogue.mi.eng.cam.ac.uk/index.php/corpus/ + +Code based on: +https://github.com/jasonwu0731/trade-dst +""" +import argparse +import json +import os +import re + +from nemo_nlp.data.datasets.utils import if_exist + +parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='Process MULTIWOZ2.1') +parser.add_argument("--data_dir", + default='../../data/dialog/MULTIWOZ2.1', + type=str) +args = parser.parse_args() + +if not os.path.exists(args.data_dir): + raise FileNotFoundError(f"{args.data_dir} doesn't exist.") + +DOMAINS = ['restaurant', 'hotel', 'attraction', + 'train', 'taxi', 'hospital', 'police'] +PHONE_NUM_TMPL = '\(?(\d{3})\)?[-.\s]?(\d{3})[-.\s]?(\d{4,5})' +POSTCODE_TMPL = '([a-z]{1}[\. ]?[a-z]{1}[\. ]?\d{1,2}[, ]+\d{1}[\. ]?' \ + + '[a-z]{1}[\. ]?[a-z]{1}|[a-z]{2}\d{2}[a-z]{2})' + +REPLACEMENTS = {} +with open('replacements.txt', 'r') as f: + for line in f: + word1, word2 = line.strip().split('\t') + REPLACEMENTS[word1] = word2 +REPLACEMENTS['-'] = ' ' +REPLACEMENTS[';'] = ',' +REPLACEMENTS['/'] = ' and ' + +DONT_CARES = set(['dont care', 'dontcare', "don't care", "do not care"]) + + +def is_ascii(text): + return all(ord(c) < 128 for c in text) + + +def normalize(text): + text = text.lower().strip() + + # hotel domain pfb30 + text = re.sub(r"b&b", "bed and breakfast", text) + text = re.sub(r"b and b", "bed and breakfast", text) + text = re.sub('[\"\<>@\(\)]', '', text) # remove brackets + text = re.sub(u"(\u2018|\u2019)", "'", text) # weird unicode bug + # add space around punctuations + text = re.sub('(\D)([?.,!])', r'\1 \2 ', text) + + clean_tokens = [] + + for token in text.split(): + token = token.strip() + if not token: + continue + if token in REPLACEMENTS: + clean_tokens.append(REPLACEMENTS[token]) + else: + clean_tokens.append(token) + + text = ' '.join(clean_tokens) # remove extra spaces + text = re.sub('(\d) (\d)', r'\1\2', text) # concatenate numbers + + return text + + +def get_goal(idx, log, goals, last_goal): + if idx == 1: # first system's response + active_goals = get_summary_belief_state(log[idx]["metadata"], True) + return active_goals[0] if len(active_goals) != 0 else goals[0] + else: + new_goals = get_new_goal(log[idx-2]["metadata"], log[idx]["metadata"]) + return last_goal if not new_goals else new_goals[0] + + +def get_summary_belief_state(bstate, get_goal=False): + """Based on the mturk annotations we form multi-domain belief state + TODO: Figure out why this script has hotel-name but jason's script doesn't + (see val_dialogs.json) + """ + summary_bstate, summary_bvalue, active_domain = [], [], [] + for domain in DOMAINS: + domain_active = False + booking = [] + + for slot in sorted(bstate[domain]['book'].keys()): + if slot == 'booked': + booking.append(int(len(bstate[domain]['book']['booked']) != 0)) + else: + if bstate[domain]['book'][slot]: + booking.append(1) + curr_bvalue = [f"{domain}-book {slot.strip().lower()}", + normalize(bstate[domain]['book'][slot])] + summary_bvalue.append(curr_bvalue) + else: + booking.append(0) + if domain == 'train': + if 'people' not in bstate[domain]['book']: + booking.append(0) + if 'ticket' not in bstate[domain]['book']: # TODO: possibly elif + booking.append(0) + summary_bstate += booking + + for slot in bstate[domain]['semi']: + slot_enc = [0, 0, 0] # not mentioned, dontcare, filled + if bstate[domain]['semi'][slot] == 'not mentioned': + slot_enc[0] = 1 + elif bstate[domain]['semi'][slot] in DONT_CARES: + slot_enc[1] = 1 + summary_bvalue.append([f"{domain}-{slot.strip().lower()}", + "dontcare"]) + elif bstate[domain]['semi'][slot]: + curr_bvalue = [f"{domain}-{slot.strip().lower()}", + normalize(bstate[domain]['semi'][slot])] + summary_bvalue.append(curr_bvalue) + if sum(slot_enc) > 0: + domain_active = True + summary_bstate += slot_enc + + if domain_active: # quasi domain-tracker + summary_bstate += [1] + active_domain.append(domain) + else: + summary_bstate += [0] + + assert len(summary_bstate) == 94 + if get_goal: + return active_domain + return summary_bstate, summary_bvalue + + +def get_new_goal(prev_turn, curr_turn): + """ If multiple domains are updated between turns, + return all of them + """ + new_goals = [] + # Sometimes, metadata is an empty dictionary, bug? + if not prev_turn or not curr_turn: + return new_goals + + for domain in prev_turn: + if curr_turn[domain] != prev_turn[domain]: + new_goals.append(domain) + return new_goals + + +def get_dialog_act(curr_dialog_acts, act_idx): + """Given system dialogue acts fix automatic delexicalization.""" + acts = [] + if not act_idx in curr_dialog_acts: + return acts + + turn = curr_dialog_acts[act_idx] + + if isinstance(turn, dict): # it's annotated: + for key in turn: + key_acts = turn[key] + key = key.strip().lower() + if key.endswith('request'): + for act in key_acts: + acts.append(act[0].lower()) + elif key.endswith('inform'): + for act in key_acts: + acts.append([act[0].lower(), normalize(act[1])]) + return acts + + +def fix_delex(curr_dialog_acts, act_idx, text): + """Given system dialogue acts fix automatic delexicalization.""" + if not act_idx in curr_dialog_acts: + return text + + turn = curr_dialog_acts[act_idx] + + if isinstance(turn, dict): # it's annotated: + for key in turn: + if 'Attraction' in key: + if 'restaurant_' in text: + text = text.replace("restaurant", "attraction") + if 'hotel_' in text: + text = text.replace("hotel", "attraction") + if 'Hotel' in key: + if 'attraction_' in text: + text = text.replace("attraction", "hotel") + if 'restaurant_' in text: + text = text.replace("restaurant", "hotel") + if 'Restaurant' in key: + if 'attraction_' in text: + text = text.replace("attraction", "restaurant") + if 'hotel_' in text: + text = text.replace("hotel", "restaurant") + + return text + + +def create_data(data_dir): + data = json.load(open(f'{data_dir}/data.json', 'r')) + dialog_acts = json.load(open(f'{data_dir}/dialogue_acts.json', 'r')) + + delex_data = {} + + for dialog_id in data: + dialog = data[dialog_id] + curr_dialog_acts = dialog_acts[dialog_id.strip('.json')] + goals = [key for key in dialog['goal'].keys() if key in DOMAINS + and dialog['goal'][key]] + + last_goal, act_idx = '', 1 + for idx, turn in enumerate(dialog['log']): + dialog['log'][idx]['text'] = normalize(turn['text']) + + if idx % 2 == 1: # system's turn + cur_goal = get_goal(idx, dialog['log'], goals, last_goal) + last_goal = cur_goal + + dialog['log'][idx - 1]['domain'] = cur_goal # human's domain + dialog['log'][idx]['dialogue_acts'] = get_dialog_act( + curr_dialog_acts, str(act_idx)) + act_idx += 1 + + dialog['log'][idx]['text'] = fix_delex( + curr_dialog_acts, str(act_idx), dialog['log'][idx]['text']) + + delex_data[dialog_id] = dialog + return delex_data + + +def analyze_dialogue(dialog, max_length): + """Cleaning procedure for all kinds of errors in text and annotation.""" + if len(dialog['log']) % 2 == 1: + print('Odd number of turns. Wrong dialogue.') + return None + + clean_dialog = {} + clean_dialog['goal'] = dialog['goal'] # for now we just copy the goal + usr_turns, sys_turns = [], [] + + for idx in range(len(dialog['log'])): + text = dialog['log'][idx]['text'] + if len(text.split()) > max_length or not is_ascii(text): + return None # sequence corrupted. discard + + if idx % 2 == 0: # usr turn + usr_turns.append(dialog['log'][idx]) + else: # sys turn + belief_summary, belief_value_summary = get_summary_belief_state( + dialog['log'][idx]['metadata']) + + dialog['log'][idx]['belief_summary'] = str(belief_summary) + dialog['log'][idx]['belief_value_summary'] = belief_value_summary + sys_turns.append(dialog['log'][idx]) + + clean_dialog['usr_log'] = usr_turns + clean_dialog['sys_log'] = sys_turns + + return clean_dialog + + +def get_dialog(dialog, max_length=50): + """Extract a dialogue from the file""" + dialog = analyze_dialogue(dialog, max_length) + if dialog is None: + return None + + dialogs = [] + for idx in range(len(dialog['usr_log'])): + dialogs.append({'usr': dialog['usr_log'][idx]['text'], + 'sys': dialog['sys_log'][idx]['text'], + 'sys_a': dialog['sys_log'][idx]['dialogue_acts'], + 'domain': dialog['usr_log'][idx]['domain'], + 'bvs': dialog['sys_log'][idx]['belief_value_summary']}) + + return dialogs + + +def partition_data(data, infold, outfold): + """Partition the data into train, valid, and test sets + based on the list of val and test specified in the dataset. + """ + if if_exist(outfold, ['trainListFile.json', 'val_dialogs.json', + 'test_dialogs.json', 'train_dialogs.json']): + return + os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + with open(f'{infold}/testListFile.json', 'r') as fin: + test_files = [line.strip() for line in fin.readlines()] + + with open(f'{infold}/valListFile.json', 'r') as fin: + val_files = [line.strip() for line in fin.readlines()] + + train_list_files = open(f'{outfold}/trainListFile.json', 'w') + + train_dialogs, val_dialogs, test_dialogs = [], [], [] + count_train, count_val, count_test = 0, 0, 0 + + for dialog_id in data: + dialog = data[dialog_id] + domains = [key for key in dialog['goal'].keys() if key in DOMAINS + and dialog['goal'][key]] + + dial = get_dialog(dialog) + if dial: + dialogue = {} + dialogue['dialog_idx'] = dialog_id + dialogue['domains'] = list(set(domains)) + last_bs = [] + dialogue['dialog'] = [] + + for idx, turn in enumerate(dial): + turn_dl = { + 'sys_transcript': dial[idx-1]['sys'] if idx > 0 else "", + 'turn_idx': idx, + 'transcript': turn['usr'], + 'sys_acts': dial[idx-1]['sys_a'] if idx > 0 else [], + 'domain': turn['domain'] + } + turn_dl['belief_state'] = [ + {"slots": [s], "act": "inform"} for s in turn['bvs']] + turn_dl['turn_label'] = [bs["slots"][0] + for bs in turn_dl['belief_state'] + if bs not in last_bs] + last_bs = turn_dl['belief_state'] + dialogue['dialog'].append(turn_dl) + + if dialog_id in test_files: + test_dialogs.append(dialogue) + count_test += 1 + elif dialog_id in val_files: + val_dialogs.append(dialogue) + count_val += 1 + else: + train_list_files.write(dialog_id + '\n') + train_dialogs.append(dialogue) + count_train += 1 + + print(f"Dialogs: {count_train} train, {count_val} val, {count_test} test.") + + # save all dialogues + with open(f'{outfold}/val_dialogs.json', 'w') as fout: + json.dump(val_dialogs, fout, indent=4) + + with open(f'{outfold}/test_dialogs.json', 'w') as fout: + json.dump(test_dialogs, fout, indent=4) + + with open(f'{outfold}/train_dialogs.json', 'w') as fout: + json.dump(train_dialogs, fout, indent=4) + + train_list_files.close() + + +def process_woz(): + outfold = '../../data/dialog/multiwoz' + delex_data = create_data(args.data_dir) + partition_data(delex_data, args.data_dir, outfold) + + +process_woz() diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/replacements.txt b/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/replacements.txt new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..34df41d01e93 --- /dev/null +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/replacements.txt @@ -0,0 +1,83 @@ +it's it is +don't do not +doesn't does not +didn't did not +you'd you would +you're you are +you'll you will +i'm i am +they're they are +that's that is +what's what is +couldn't could not +i've i have +we've we have +can't cannot +i'd i would +i'd i would +aren't are not +isn't is not +wasn't was not +weren't were not +won't will not +there's there is +there're there are +. . . +restaurants restaurant -s +hotels hotel -s +laptops laptop -s +cheaper cheap -er +dinners dinner -s +lunches lunch -s +breakfasts breakfast -s +expensively expensive -ly +moderately moderate -ly +cheaply cheap -ly +prices price -s +places place -s +venues venue -s +ranges range -s +meals meal -s +locations location -s +areas area -s +policies policy -s +children child -s +kids kid -s +kidfriendly kid friendly +cards card -s +upmarket expensive +inpricey cheap +inches inch -s +uses use -s +dimensions dimension -s +driverange drive range +includes include -s +computers computer -s +machines machine -s +families family -s +ratings rating -s +constraints constraint -s +pricerange price range +batteryrating battery rating +requirements requirement -s +drives drive -s +specifications specification -s +weightrange weight range +harddrive hard drive +batterylife battery life +businesses business -s +hours hour -s +one 1 +two 2 +three 3 +four 4 +five 5 +six 6 +seven 7 +eight 8 +nine 9 +ten 10 +eleven 11 +twelve 12 +anywhere any where +good bye goodbye From 49703629c00ac25d90a37652da9172f30f4e3a08 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Chip Nguyen Date: Fri, 15 Nov 2019 12:48:38 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 002/138] wip Signed-off-by: Chip Nguyen --- .../nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py | 1 + .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py | 94 ++++++++++++++++++- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 22 ++++- examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py | 9 +- 4 files changed, 118 insertions(+), 8 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py index 2347eaf56b54..0374e98e70d4 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py @@ -1,4 +1,5 @@ from .bert_pretraining import BertPretrainingDataset +from .dst import DSTDataset from .glue import GLUEDataset from .joint_intent_slot import (BertJointIntentSlotDataset, BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py index e97e48119b4f..f6b1a2665cce 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py @@ -1,11 +1,97 @@ +import json import os from torch.utils.data import Dataset +class Vocab: + """ + PAD_token = 1 + SOS_token = 3 + EOS_token = 2 + UNK_token = 0 + """ + + def __init__(self): + self.word2idx = {'UNK': 0, 'PAD': 1, 'EOS': 2, 'BOS': 3} + self.idx2word = ['UNK', 'PAD', 'EOS', 'BOS'] + + def __len__(self): + return len(self.idx2word) + + def add_word(self, word): + if word not in self.word2idx: + self.word2idx[word] = len(self.idx2word) + self.idx2word.append(word) + + def add_words(self, sent, level): + """ + level == 'utterance': sent is a string + level == 'slot': sent is a list + level == 'belief': sent is a dictionary + """ + if level == 'utterance': + for word in sent.split(): + self.add_word(word) + elif level == 'slot': + for slot in sent: + domain, info = slot.split('-') + self.add_word(domain) + for subslot in info.split(' '): + self.add_word(subslot) + elif level == 'belief': + for slot, value in sent.items(): + domain, info = slot.split('-') + self.add_word(domain) + for subslot in info.split(' '): + self.add_word(subslot) + for val in value.split(' '): + self.add_word(val) + + class DSTDataset(Dataset): - def __init__(self, data_file): - self.data_file = data_file + """ + By default, use all vocab + """ + + def __init__(self, data_dir, domains): + self.data_dir = data_dir + self.gating_dict = {'ptr': 0, 'dontcare': 1, 'none': 2} + self.domains = domains + + ontology_file = open(f'{self.data_dir}/ontology.json', 'r') + self.ontology = json.load(ontology_file) + + self.vocab, self.mem_vocab = Vocab(), Vocab() + self.get_slots() + self.vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') + self.mem_vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') + self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' + self.mem_vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/mem_vocab.pkl' + + def get_slots(self): + used_domains = [ + key for key in self.ontology if key.split('-')[0] in self.domains] + self.slots = [k.replace(' ', '').lower() if 'book' not in k + else k.lower() for k in used_domains] + + def read_vocab(self, mode='train', training=True): + filename = f'{self.data_dir}/{mode}_dialogs.json' + print(f'Reading from {filename}') + dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) + + for dialog_dict in dialogs: + if mode == 'train' and training: + for ti, turn in enumerate(dialog_dict['dialog']): + self.vocab.add_words(turn['sys_transcript'], 'utterance') + self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') + + if training + + def prepare_data(self, training=True): + if training: + train_pair, train_max_len, train_slot = self.read_vocab( + mode='train', training) - def prepare_data(self): - pass + if os.path.exists(vocab_file): + vocab = pickle.load(open(vocab_file, 'rb')) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 5b5e3ddf4812..afd008dd254f 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -4,9 +4,10 @@ """ import argparse +import os - -from nemo_nlp.data.datasets.woz_utils import * +import nemo +import nemo_nlp parser = argparse.ArgumentParser( description='Multi-domain dialogue state tracking') @@ -57,3 +58,20 @@ # parser.add_argument('-eb', '--eval_batch', help='Evaluation Batch_size', # type=int, default=0) +args = parser.parse_args() +EXPERIMENT_DOMAINS = ["hotel", "train", "restaurant", "attraction", "taxi"] + +if not os.path.exists(args.data_dir): + raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {args.data_dir}') + +work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/{args.dataset_name.upper()}' +nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory(backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, + local_rank=args.local_rank, + optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, + log_dir=work_dir, + create_tb_writer=True, + files_to_copy=[__file__], + add_time_to_log_dir=True) + +dataset = nemo_nlp.data.datasets.DSTDataset(args.data_dir, EXPERIMENT_DOMAINS) +dataset.prepare_data() diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py index 61c0b79271e0..b4347457b0b1 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py @@ -9,6 +9,7 @@ import json import os import re +import shutil from nemo_nlp.data.datasets.utils import if_exist @@ -124,7 +125,7 @@ def get_summary_belief_state(bstate, get_goal=False): domain_active = True summary_bstate += slot_enc - if domain_active: # quasi domain-tracker + if domain_active: # quasi domain-tracker summary_bstate += [1] active_domain.append(domain) else: @@ -285,9 +286,13 @@ def partition_data(data, infold, outfold): based on the list of val and test specified in the dataset. """ if if_exist(outfold, ['trainListFile.json', 'val_dialogs.json', - 'test_dialogs.json', 'train_dialogs.json']): + 'test_dialogs.json', 'train_dialogs.json', + 'ontology.json']): + print(f'Data is already processed and stored at {outfold}') return os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + shutil.copyfile(f'{infold}/ontology.json', f'{outfold}/ontology.json') + with open(f'{infold}/testListFile.json', 'r') as fin: test_files = [line.strip() for line in fin.readlines()] From dc4ac4803476b6853f43d0f08a7a872716407a46 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Chip Nguyen Date: Fri, 15 Nov 2019 16:30:58 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 003/138] wip Signed-off-by: Chip Nguyen --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 53 +++++ .../nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py | 2 +- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py | 219 +++++++++++++++++- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 5 +- 4 files changed, 266 insertions(+), 13 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index 0a8e3d0a3bb8..42822f98a4db 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -625,3 +625,56 @@ def __init__(self, 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length} super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) + + +class DSTDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + def __init__(self, + data_dir, + tokenizer, + max_seq_length, + processor, + evaluate=False, + token_params={}, + num_samples=-1, + shuffle=False, + batch_size=64, + dataset_type=WOZDSTDataset, + **kwargs): + + # kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + # dataset_params = {'data_dir': data_dir, + # 'output_mode': 'regression', + # 'processor': processor, + # 'evaluate': evaluate, + # 'token_params': token_params, + # 'tokenizer': tokenizer, + # 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length} + + # super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) + + + def get_data_loader(self, pairs): + data_info = {} + data_keys = pairs[0].keys() + for k in data_keys: + data_info[k] = [] + + for pair in pairs: + for k in data_keys: + data_info[k].append(pair[k]) + + dataset = Dataset(data_info, lang.word2index, + lang.word2index, sequicity, mem_lang.word2index) + + if args["imbalance_sampler"] and type: + data_loader = torch.utils.data.DataLoader(dataset=dataset, + batch_size=batch_size, + # shuffle=type, + collate_fn=collate_fn, + sampler=ImbalancedDatasetSampler(dataset)) + else: + data_loader = torch.utils.data.DataLoader(dataset=dataset, + batch_size=batch_size, + shuffle=type, + collate_fn=collate_fn) + self._data_loader diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py index 0374e98e70d4..be6aa65386ae 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ from .bert_pretraining import BertPretrainingDataset -from .dst import DSTDataset +from .dst import WOZDSTDataset from .glue import GLUEDataset from .joint_intent_slot import (BertJointIntentSlotDataset, BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py index f6b1a2665cce..67bece7955dd 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py @@ -49,15 +49,20 @@ def add_words(self, sent, level): self.add_word(val) -class DSTDataset(Dataset): +class WOZDSTDataset(Dataset): """ By default, use all vocab """ - def __init__(self, data_dir, domains): + def __init__(self, + data_dir, + domains, + batch_size, + mode='train'): self.data_dir = data_dir self.gating_dict = {'ptr': 0, 'dontcare': 1, 'none': 2} self.domains = domains + self.batch_size = batch_size ontology_file = open(f'{self.data_dir}/ontology.json', 'r') self.ontology = json.load(ontology_file) @@ -68,6 +73,7 @@ def __init__(self, data_dir, domains): self.mem_vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' self.mem_vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/mem_vocab.pkl' + self.mode = mode def get_slots(self): used_domains = [ @@ -79,19 +85,212 @@ def read_vocab(self, mode='train', training=True): filename = f'{self.data_dir}/{mode}_dialogs.json' print(f'Reading from {filename}') dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) - + + domain_count = {} + data = [] + max_resp_len, max_value_len = 0, 0 + for dialog_dict in dialogs: if mode == 'train' and training: - for ti, turn in enumerate(dialog_dict['dialog']): + for turn in dialog_dict['dialog']: self.vocab.add_words(turn['sys_transcript'], 'utterance') self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') - if training + # for dialog_dict in dialogs: + dialog_histories = [] + for domain in dialog_dict['domains']: + if domain not in self.domains: + continue + if domain not in domain_count: + domain_count[domain] = 0 + domain_count[domain] += 1 + + for turn in dialog_dict['dialog']: + turn_uttr = turn['sys_transcript'] + ' ; ' + turn['transcript'] + turn_uttr = turn_uttr.strip() + dialog_histories.append(turn_uttr) + turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error( + turn['belief_state'], False, self.slots) + + turn_belief_list = [f'{k}-{v}' + for k, v in turn_beliefs.items()] + + if mode == 'train' and training: + self.mem_vocab.add_words(turn_beliefs, 'belief') + + gating_label, generate_y = [], [] + + for slot in self.slots: + gating_slot = slot + if gating_slot not in ['dontcare', 'none']: + gating_slot = 'ptr' + + if slot in turn_beliefs: + generate_y.append(turn_beliefs[slot]) + max_value_len = max(max_value_len, + len(turn_beliefs[slot])) + else: + generate_y.append('none') + gating_slot = 'none' + gating_label.append(self.gating_dict[gating_slot]) + + data_detail = {'ID': dialog_dict['dialog_idx'], + 'domains': dialog_dict['domains'], + 'turn_domain': turn['domain'], + 'turn_id': turn['turn_idx'], + 'dialog_history': ' ; '.join(dialog_histories), + 'turn_belief': turn_belief_list, + 'gating_label': gating_label, + 'turn_uttr': turn_uttr, + 'generate_y': generate_y} + data.append(data_detail) + + resp_len = len(data_detail['dialog_history'].split()) + max_resp_len = max(max_resp_len, resp_len) + + if f'f{max_value_len-1}' not in self.mem_vocab.word2idx and training: + for time_i in range(max_value_len): + self.mem_vocab.add_words(f't{time_i}', 'utterance') - def prepare_data(self, training=True): + print('Domain count', domain_count) + print('Max response length', max_resp_len) + return data, max_resp_len + + def prepare_data(self): if training: - train_pair, train_max_len, train_slot = self.read_vocab( - mode='train', training) + train_pair, train_max_len = self.read_vocab() + + if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file): + vocab = pickle.load(open(self.vocab_file, 'rb')) + + + +def fix_general_label_error(labels, type, slots): + label_dict = dict([(l[0], l[1]) for l in labels]) if type else dict( + [(l["slots"][0][0], l["slots"][0][1]) for l in labels]) + + GENERAL_TYPO = { + # type + "guesthouse": "guest house", + "guesthouses": "guest house", + "guest": "guest house", + "mutiple sports": "multiple sports", + "sports": "multiple sports", + "mutliple sports": "multiple sports", + "swimmingpool": "swimming pool", + "concerthall": "concert hall", + "concert": "concert hall", + "pool": "swimming pool", + "night club": "nightclub", + "mus": "museum", + "ol": "architecture", + "colleges": "college", + "coll": "college", + "architectural": "architecture", + "musuem": "museum", + "churches": "church", + # area + "center": "centre", + "center of town": "centre", + "near city center": "centre", + "in the north": "north", + "cen": "centre", + "east side": "east", + "east area": "east", + "west part of town": "west", + "ce": "centre", + "town center": "centre", + "centre of cambridge": "centre", + "city center": "centre", + "the south": "south", + "scentre": "centre", + "town centre": "centre", + "in town": "centre", + "north part of town": "north", + "centre of town": "centre", + "cb30aq": "none", + # price + "mode": "moderate", + "moderate -ly": "moderate", + "mo": "moderate", + # day + "next friday": "friday", + "monda": "monday", + # parking + "free parking": + "free", + # internet + "free internet": "yes", + # star + "4 star": "4", + "4 stars": "4", + "0 star rarting": "none", + # others + "y": "yes", + "any": "dontcare", + "n": "no", + "does not care": "dontcare", + "not men": "none", + "not": "none", + "not mentioned": "none", + '': "none", + "not mendtioned": "none", + "3 .": "3", + "does not": "no", + "fun": "none", + "art": "none", + } + + hotel_ranges = ["nigh", "moderate -ly priced", "bed and breakfast", + "centre", "venetian", "intern", "a cheap -er hotel"] + locations = ["gastropub", "la raza", "galleria", "gallery", "science", "m"] + detailed_hotels = ["hotel with free parking and free wifi", + "4", + "3 star hotel"] + areas = ["stansted airport", "cambridge", "silver street"] + attr_areas = ["norwich", "ely", "museum", "same area as hotel"] + + for slot in slots: + if slot in label_dict.keys(): + # general typos + if label_dict[slot] in GENERAL_TYPO.keys(): + label_dict[slot] = label_dict[slot].replace( + label_dict[slot], GENERAL_TYPO[label_dict[slot]]) + + # miss match slot and value + if (slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in hotel_ranges) or \ + (slot == "hotel-internet" and label_dict[slot] == "4") or \ + (slot == "hotel-pricerange" and label_dict[slot] == "2") or \ + (slot == "attraction-type" and + label_dict[slot] in locations) or \ + ("area" in slot and label_dict[slot] in ["moderate"]) or \ + ("day" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "t"): + label_dict[slot] = "none" + elif slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in detailed_hotels: + label_dict[slot] = "hotel" + elif slot == "hotel-star" and label_dict[slot] == "3 star hotel": + label_dict[slot] = "3" + elif "area" in slot: + if label_dict[slot] == "no": + label_dict[slot] = "north" + elif label_dict[slot] == "we": + label_dict[slot] = "west" + elif label_dict[slot] == "cent": + label_dict[slot] = "centre" + elif "day" in slot: + if label_dict[slot] == "we": + label_dict[slot] = "wednesday" + elif label_dict[slot] == "no": + label_dict[slot] = "none" + elif "price" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "ch": + label_dict[slot] = "cheap" + elif "internet" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "free": + label_dict[slot] = "yes" + + # some out-of-define classification slot values + if (slot == "restaurant-area" and label_dict[slot] in areas) or \ + (slot == "attraction-area" and + label_dict[slot] in attr_areas): + label_dict[slot] = "none" - if os.path.exists(vocab_file): - vocab = pickle.load(open(vocab_file, 'rb')) + return label_dict diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index afd008dd254f..edc9530a9339 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -73,5 +73,6 @@ files_to_copy=[__file__], add_time_to_log_dir=True) -dataset = nemo_nlp.data.datasets.DSTDataset(args.data_dir, EXPERIMENT_DOMAINS) -dataset.prepare_data() +dataset = nemo_nlp.data.datasets.WOZDSTDataset(args.data_dir, + EXPERIMENT_DOMAINS, + training=True) From 2bdc21188f197a93b39357d2d7fceb0adcdb5c6d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Chip Nguyen Date: Fri, 15 Nov 2019 17:51:27 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 004/138] wip Signed-off-by: Chip Nguyen --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 2 +- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py | 102 +++++++++++++----- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 2 +- 3 files changed, 77 insertions(+), 29 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index 42822f98a4db..da556f76642c 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -641,7 +641,7 @@ def __init__(self, dataset_type=WOZDSTDataset, **kwargs): - # kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size # dataset_params = {'data_dir': data_dir, # 'output_mode': 'regression', # 'processor': processor, diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py index 67bece7955dd..235d5df97af1 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py @@ -1,5 +1,6 @@ import json import os +import pickle from torch.utils.data import Dataset @@ -51,29 +52,46 @@ def add_words(self, sent, level): class WOZDSTDataset(Dataset): """ - By default, use all vocab + By default, use only vocab from training + Need to modify the code a little bit to use for all_vocab """ def __init__(self, data_dir, domains, - batch_size, mode='train'): self.data_dir = data_dir + self.mode = mode self.gating_dict = {'ptr': 0, 'dontcare': 1, 'none': 2} self.domains = domains - self.batch_size = batch_size + self.vocab, self.mem_vocab = Vocab(), Vocab() ontology_file = open(f'{self.data_dir}/ontology.json', 'r') self.ontology = json.load(ontology_file) - self.vocab, self.mem_vocab = Vocab(), Vocab() self.get_slots() - self.vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') - self.mem_vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') + self.get_vocab() + self.get_data() + + def get_vocab(self): self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' self.mem_vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/mem_vocab.pkl' - self.mode = mode + + if self.mode != 'train' and (not os.path.exists(self.vocab_file) or + not os.path.exists(self.mem_vocab_file)): + raise ValueError(f"{self.vocab_file} and {self.mem_vocab_file}" + " don't exist!") + + if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file) and \ + os.path.exists(self.mem_vocab_file): + print(f'Loading vocab and mem_vocab from {self.data_dir}') + self.vocab = pickle.load(open(self.vocab_file, 'rb')) + self.mem_vocab = pickle.load(open(self.mem_vocab_file, 'rb')) + else: + self.create_vocab() + + print('Mem vocab length', len(self.mem_vocab)) + print('Vocab length', len(self.vocab)) def get_slots(self): used_domains = [ @@ -81,8 +99,43 @@ def get_slots(self): self.slots = [k.replace(' ', '').lower() if 'book' not in k else k.lower() for k in used_domains] - def read_vocab(self, mode='train', training=True): - filename = f'{self.data_dir}/{mode}_dialogs.json' + def create_vocab(self): + print('Creating vocab from train files') + self.vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') + self.mem_vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') + + filename = f'{self.data_dir}/train_dialogs.json' + print(f'Building vocab from {filename}') + dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) + + max_value_len = 0 + + for dialog_dict in dialogs: + for turn in dialog_dict['dialog']: + self.vocab.add_words(turn['sys_transcript'], 'utterance') + self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') + + turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error( + turn['belief_state'], False, self.slots) + self.mem_vocab.add_words(turn_beliefs, 'belief') + + lengths = [len(turn_beliefs[slot]) + for slot in self.slots if slot in turn_beliefs] + lengths.append(max_value_len) + max_value_len = max(lengths) + + if f'f{max_value_len-1}' not in self.mem_vocab.word2idx: + for time_i in range(max_value_len): + self.mem_vocab.add_words(f't{time_i}', 'utterance') + + print(f'Saving vocab and mem_vocab to {self.data_dir}') + with open(self.vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: + pickle.dump(self.vocab, handle) + with open(self.mem_vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: + pickle.dump(self.mem_vocab, handle) + + def get_data(self): + filename = f'{self.data_dir}/{self.mode}_dialogs.json' print(f'Reading from {filename}') dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) @@ -91,12 +144,12 @@ def read_vocab(self, mode='train', training=True): max_resp_len, max_value_len = 0, 0 for dialog_dict in dialogs: - if mode == 'train' and training: - for turn in dialog_dict['dialog']: - self.vocab.add_words(turn['sys_transcript'], 'utterance') - self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') + # if self.mode == 'train': + # for turn in dialog_dict['dialog']: + # self.vocab.add_words(turn['sys_transcript'], 'utterance') + # self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') - # for dialog_dict in dialogs: + # for dialog_dict in dialogs: dialog_histories = [] for domain in dialog_dict['domains']: if domain not in self.domains: @@ -115,8 +168,8 @@ def read_vocab(self, mode='train', training=True): turn_belief_list = [f'{k}-{v}' for k, v in turn_beliefs.items()] - if mode == 'train' and training: - self.mem_vocab.add_words(turn_beliefs, 'belief') + # if self.mode == 'train': + # self.mem_vocab.add_words(turn_beliefs, 'belief') gating_label, generate_y = [], [] @@ -127,8 +180,8 @@ def read_vocab(self, mode='train', training=True): if slot in turn_beliefs: generate_y.append(turn_beliefs[slot]) - max_value_len = max(max_value_len, - len(turn_beliefs[slot])) + # max_value_len = max(max_value_len, + # len(turn_beliefs[slot])) else: generate_y.append('none') gating_slot = 'none' @@ -148,21 +201,16 @@ def read_vocab(self, mode='train', training=True): resp_len = len(data_detail['dialog_history'].split()) max_resp_len = max(max_resp_len, resp_len) - if f'f{max_value_len-1}' not in self.mem_vocab.word2idx and training: - for time_i in range(max_value_len): - self.mem_vocab.add_words(f't{time_i}', 'utterance') + # if f'f{max_value_len-1}' not in self.mem_vocab.word2idx: + # for time_i in range(max_value_len): + # self.mem_vocab.add_words(f't{time_i}', 'utterance') print('Domain count', domain_count) print('Max response length', max_resp_len) return data, max_resp_len def prepare_data(self): - if training: - train_pair, train_max_len = self.read_vocab() - - if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file): - vocab = pickle.load(open(self.vocab_file, 'rb')) - + self.pairs, self.max_len = self.read_vocab() def fix_general_label_error(labels, type, slots): diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index edc9530a9339..f1e81d440a5b 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -75,4 +75,4 @@ dataset = nemo_nlp.data.datasets.WOZDSTDataset(args.data_dir, EXPERIMENT_DOMAINS, - training=True) + mode='train') From 5bbded486e35f1560bf3021e6dac1989551d44ee Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Chip Nguyen Date: Mon, 18 Nov 2019 17:24:47 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 005/138] wip Signed-off-by: Chip Nguyen --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 103 ++++++++++-------- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py | 21 +--- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 14 +-- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 6 +- 4 files changed, 70 insertions(+), 74 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index da556f76642c..b3090e24898e 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -12,9 +12,9 @@ 'BertPretrainingDataLayer', 'TranslationDataLayer', 'GlueDataLayerClassification', - 'GlueDataLayerRegression'] + 'GlueDataLayerRegression', + 'WOZDSTDataLayer'] -# from abc import abstractmethod import sys import torch @@ -627,54 +627,65 @@ def __init__(self, super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) -class DSTDataLayer(TextDataLayer): +class WOZDSTDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + + @staticmethod + def create_ports(): + output_ports = { + "input_ids": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + }), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + }), + "input_mask": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + }), + "labels": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(RegressionTag), + }), + } + return {}, output_ports + def __init__(self, data_dir, - tokenizer, - max_seq_length, - processor, - evaluate=False, - token_params={}, - num_samples=-1, - shuffle=False, + domains, + mode='train', batch_size=64, dataset_type=WOZDSTDataset, **kwargs): kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - # dataset_params = {'data_dir': data_dir, - # 'output_mode': 'regression', - # 'processor': processor, - # 'evaluate': evaluate, - # 'token_params': token_params, - # 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - # 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length} - - # super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - - def get_data_loader(self, pairs): - data_info = {} - data_keys = pairs[0].keys() - for k in data_keys: - data_info[k] = [] - - for pair in pairs: - for k in data_keys: - data_info[k].append(pair[k]) - - dataset = Dataset(data_info, lang.word2index, - lang.word2index, sequicity, mem_lang.word2index) - - if args["imbalance_sampler"] and type: - data_loader = torch.utils.data.DataLoader(dataset=dataset, - batch_size=batch_size, - # shuffle=type, - collate_fn=collate_fn, - sampler=ImbalancedDatasetSampler(dataset)) - else: - data_loader = torch.utils.data.DataLoader(dataset=dataset, - batch_size=batch_size, - shuffle=type, - collate_fn=collate_fn) - self._data_loader + dataset_params = {'data_dir': data_dir, + 'domains': domains, + 'mode': mode} + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) + + # def get_data_loader(self, pairs): + # data_info = {} + # data_keys = pairs[0].keys() + # for k in data_keys: + # data_info[k] = [] + + # for pair in pairs: + # for k in data_keys: + # data_info[k].append(pair[k]) + + # dataset = Dataset(data_info, lang.word2index, + # lang.word2index, sequicity, mem_lang.word2index) + + # if args["imbalance_sampler"] and type: + # data_loader = torch.utils.data.DataLoader(dataset=dataset, + # batch_size=batch_size, + # # shuffle=type, + # collate_fn=collate_fn, + # sampler=ImbalancedDatasetSampler(dataset)) + # else: + # data_loader = torch.utils.data.DataLoader(dataset=dataset, + # batch_size=batch_size, + # shuffle=type, + # collate_fn=collate_fn) + # self._data_loader diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py index 235d5df97af1..06560dbaac98 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py @@ -90,8 +90,8 @@ def get_vocab(self): else: self.create_vocab() - print('Mem vocab length', len(self.mem_vocab)) - print('Vocab length', len(self.vocab)) + print('Mem vocab size', len(self.mem_vocab)) + print('Vocab size', len(self.vocab)) def get_slots(self): used_domains = [ @@ -144,12 +144,6 @@ def get_data(self): max_resp_len, max_value_len = 0, 0 for dialog_dict in dialogs: - # if self.mode == 'train': - # for turn in dialog_dict['dialog']: - # self.vocab.add_words(turn['sys_transcript'], 'utterance') - # self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') - - # for dialog_dict in dialogs: dialog_histories = [] for domain in dialog_dict['domains']: if domain not in self.domains: @@ -168,9 +162,6 @@ def get_data(self): turn_belief_list = [f'{k}-{v}' for k, v in turn_beliefs.items()] - # if self.mode == 'train': - # self.mem_vocab.add_words(turn_beliefs, 'belief') - gating_label, generate_y = [], [] for slot in self.slots: @@ -180,8 +171,6 @@ def get_data(self): if slot in turn_beliefs: generate_y.append(turn_beliefs[slot]) - # max_value_len = max(max_value_len, - # len(turn_beliefs[slot])) else: generate_y.append('none') gating_slot = 'none' @@ -201,18 +190,14 @@ def get_data(self): resp_len = len(data_detail['dialog_history'].split()) max_resp_len = max(max_resp_len, resp_len) - # if f'f{max_value_len-1}' not in self.mem_vocab.word2idx: - # for time_i in range(max_value_len): - # self.mem_vocab.add_words(f't{time_i}', 'utterance') - print('Domain count', domain_count) print('Max response length', max_resp_len) + print(f'Processing {len(data)} pairs') return data, max_resp_len def prepare_data(self): self.pairs, self.max_len = self.read_vocab() - def fix_general_label_error(labels, type, slots): label_dict = dict([(l[0], l[1]) for l in labels]) if type else dict( [(l["slots"][0][0], l["slots"][0][1]) for l in labels]) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index f1e81d440a5b..ac93e1203c1a 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -10,22 +10,18 @@ import nemo_nlp parser = argparse.ArgumentParser( - description='Multi-domain dialogue state tracking') + description='TRADE for MultiWOZ 2.1 dialog state tracking') parser.add_argument("--local_rank", default=None, type=int) parser.add_argument("--batch_size", default=32, type=int) parser.add_argument("--eval_batch_size", default=24, type=int) parser.add_argument("--max_seq_length", default=50, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_gpus", default=1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_epochs", default=10, type=int) -parser.add_argument("--num_train_samples", default=-1, type=int) -parser.add_argument("--num_eval_samples", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.1, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr", default=2e-5, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default="WarmupAnnealing", type=str) parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.01, type=float) parser.add_argument("--fc_dropout", default=0.1, type=float) -parser.add_argument("--pretrained_bert_model", - default="bert-base-uncased", type=str) parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/dialog/multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--dataset_name", default='multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--train_file_prefix", default='train', type=str) @@ -73,6 +69,8 @@ files_to_copy=[__file__], add_time_to_log_dir=True) -dataset = nemo_nlp.data.datasets.WOZDSTDataset(args.data_dir, - EXPERIMENT_DOMAINS, - mode='train') +data = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, + EXPERIMENT_DOMAINS, + mode='train') +encoder = +print(vars(dataset).keys()) diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 0ed35d6104f5..33e276690e24 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -134,8 +134,10 @@ def forward(self, targets, encoder_outputs=None): return log_probs, attention_weights - def forward_step(self, decoder_inputs, - encoder_outputs=None, decoder_hidden=None): + def forward_step(self, + decoder_inputs, + encoder_outputs=None, + decoder_hidden=None): """(BT, BTC@?, hBC@?) -> (BTC, hBC, BTT@?)""" # Inputs From a06e8644f335fc5e795c8ceeae2f87c41bb89868 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Chip Nguyen Date: Tue, 19 Nov 2019 11:48:06 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 006/138] adding rnnencoder Signed-off-by: Chip Nguyen --- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 87 ++++++++++++++++++++++-- 1 file changed, 81 insertions(+), 6 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 0ed35d6104f5..8ceecb972a62 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -1,4 +1,5 @@ -__all__ = ['DecoderRNN'] +__all__ = ['DecoderRNN', + 'EncoderRNN'] import random @@ -14,11 +15,85 @@ from nemo.utils.misc import pad_to +class EncoderRNN(TrainableNM): + """ Simple RNN-based encoder using GRU cells + """ + + @staticmethod + def create_ports(): + input_ports = { + 'inputs': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + }) + } + output_ports = { + 'outputs': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag), + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + }), + 'hidden': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag), + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + }) + } + + def __init__(self, + input_dim, + emb_dim, + hid_dim, + dropout, + pad_idx=1, + n_layers=1, + embedding_to_load=None): + super().__init__() + self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) + self.emb = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) + if embedding_to_load is not None: + self.embedding.weight.data.copy_(embedding_to_load) + else: + self.embedding.weight.data.normal_(0, 0.1) + self.rnn = nn.GRU(emb_dim, + hid_dim, + n_layers, + batch_first=True, + dropout=dropout, + bidirectional=True) + + def forward(self, inputs, input_lengths=None): + embedded = self.emb(inputs) + embedded = self.dropout(embedded) + if input_lengths is not None: + embedded = nn.utils.rnn.pack_padded_sequence(embedded, + input_lengths, + batch_first=True) + + outputs, hidden = self.rnn(embedded) + # outputs of shape (seq_len, batch, num_directions * hidden_size) + # hidden of shape (num_layers * num_directions, batch, hidden_size) + if input_lengths is not None: + outputs, _ = nn.utils.rnn.pad_packed_sequence(outputs, + batch_first=True) + + batch_size = hidden.size()[1] + + # separate final hidden states by layer and direction + hidden = hidden.view(self.rnn.num_layers, + 2 if self.rnn.bidirectional else 1, + batch_size, + self.rnn.hidden_size) + self.to(self._device) + return outputs, hidden + + class DecoderRNN(TrainableNM): """Simple RNN-based decoder with attention. Args: - voc_size (int): Total number of symbols to use + input_dim (int): Total number of symbols to use. + This is usually the vocabulary size. bos_id (int): Label position of start of string symbol hidden_size (int): Size of hidden vector to use in RNN attention_method (str): Method of using attention to pass in @@ -78,7 +153,7 @@ def create_ports(): return input_ports, output_ports def __init__(self, - voc_size, + input_dim, bos_id, hidden_size, attention_method='general', @@ -100,15 +175,15 @@ def __init__(self, self.curriculum_learning = curriculum_learning self.rnn_type = rnn_type - voc_size = pad_to(voc_size, 8) # 8-divisors trick - self.embedding = nn.Embedding(voc_size, hidden_size) + input_dim = pad_to(input_dim, 8) # 8-divisors trick + self.embedding = nn.Embedding(input_dim, hidden_size) # noinspection PyTypeChecker self.in_dropout = nn.Dropout(in_dropout) rnn_class = getattr(nn, rnn_type.upper()) self.rnn = rnn_class(hidden_size, hidden_size, n_layers, dropout=(0 if n_layers == 1 else gru_dropout), batch_first=True) - self.out = nn.Linear(hidden_size, voc_size) + self.out = nn.Linear(hidden_size, input_dim) if tie_emb_out_weights: self.out.weight = self.embedding.weight # Weight tying self.attention = Attention(hidden_size, attention_method, From a9ea100b5a2e4a57c1213bdd426797998968dd54 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Chip Nguyen Date: Tue, 19 Nov 2019 14:06:45 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 007/138] rnn encoder Signed-off-by: Chip Nguyen --- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 6 ++++++ 1 file changed, 6 insertions(+) diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 8ceecb972a62..9c43b63fd104 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -76,6 +76,9 @@ def forward(self, inputs, input_lengths=None): if input_lengths is not None: outputs, _ = nn.utils.rnn.pad_packed_sequence(outputs, batch_first=True) + else: + outputs = outputs.transpose(0, 1) + # outputs of shape: (batch, seq_len, num_directions * hidden_size) batch_size = hidden.size()[1] @@ -84,6 +87,9 @@ def forward(self, inputs, input_lengths=None): 2 if self.rnn.bidirectional else 1, batch_size, self.rnn.hidden_size) + hidden = hidden.tranpose(2, 0).tranpose(1, 2) + hidden = hidden.reshape(batch_size, self.rnn.num_layers, -1) + # hidden is now of shape (batch, seq_len, num_directions * hidden_size) self.to(self._device) return outputs, hidden From 1069bc552735fa818c56f8990814e69116284302 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Chip Nguyen Date: Thu, 21 Nov 2019 09:04:45 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 008/138] wip Signed-off-by: Chip Nguyen --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 138 ++++++--- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py | 87 ++++-- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/__init__.py | 1 + .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 283 ++++++++++++++++++ .../nemo_nlp/modules/transformer_nm.py | 2 +- .../nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py | 117 ++++++++ examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 88 +++++- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py | 2 + nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 23 +- 9 files changed, 662 insertions(+), 79 deletions(-) create mode 100644 collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py create mode 100644 collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index b3090e24898e..acc8a87d246c 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -632,29 +632,34 @@ class WOZDSTDataLayer(TextDataLayer): @staticmethod def create_ports(): output_ports = { - "input_ids": NeuralType({ + "src_ids": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag) }), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({ - 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + "src_lens": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) }), - "input_mask": NeuralType({ + "tgt_ids": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + 1: AxisType(TimeTag), + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) }), - "labels": NeuralType({ - 0: AxisType(RegressionTag), + "tgt_lens": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) }), + "gating_labels": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + }) } return {}, output_ports def __init__(self, data_dir, domains, + batch_size=16, mode='train', - batch_size=64, dataset_type=WOZDSTDataset, **kwargs): @@ -663,29 +668,94 @@ def __init__(self, 'domains': domains, 'mode': mode} super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) + print('before dataloader') - # def get_data_loader(self, pairs): - # data_info = {} - # data_keys = pairs[0].keys() - # for k in data_keys: - # data_info[k] = [] - - # for pair in pairs: - # for k in data_keys: - # data_info[k].append(pair[k]) - - # dataset = Dataset(data_info, lang.word2index, - # lang.word2index, sequicity, mem_lang.word2index) - - # if args["imbalance_sampler"] and type: - # data_loader = torch.utils.data.DataLoader(dataset=dataset, - # batch_size=batch_size, - # # shuffle=type, - # collate_fn=collate_fn, - # sampler=ImbalancedDatasetSampler(dataset)) - # else: - # data_loader = torch.utils.data.DataLoader(dataset=dataset, - # batch_size=batch_size, - # shuffle=type, - # collate_fn=collate_fn) - # self._data_loader + self._dataloader = pt_data.DataLoader(dataset=self._dataset, + batch_size=batch_size, + shuffle=False, + collate_fn=self._collate_fn) + print('after dataloader') + self.pad_id = self._dataset.vocab.pad_id + + def _collate_fn(self, data): + """ data is a list of batch_size sample + each sample is a dictionary of features + """ + def merge(sequences): + ''' + merge from batch * sent_len to batch * max_len + ''' + lengths = [len(seq) for seq in sequences] + max_len = 1 if max(lengths) == 0 else max(lengths) + padded_seqs = torch.ones(len(sequences), max_len).long() + for i, seq in enumerate(sequences): + end = lengths[i] + padded_seqs[i, :end] = seq[:end] + # padded_seqs = padded_seqs.detach() # torch.tensor(padded_seqs) + return padded_seqs, lengths + + def merge_multi_response(sequences): + ''' + merge from batch * nb_slot * slot_len to batch * nb_slot * max_slot_len + ''' + lengths = [] + for bsz_seq in sequences: + length = [len(v) for v in bsz_seq] + lengths.append(length) + max_len = max([max(l) for l in lengths]) + padded_seqs = [] + for bsz_seq in sequences: + pad_seq = [] + for v in bsz_seq: + v = v + [PAD_token] * (max_len-len(v)) + pad_seq.append(v) + padded_seqs.append(pad_seq) + padded_seqs = torch.tensor(padded_seqs) + lengths = torch.tensor(lengths) + print(padded_seqs.shape) + print(lengths.shape) + return padded_seqs, lengths + + # sort a list by sequence length (descending order) to use pack_padded_sequence + print(len(data)) + print(data) + data.sort(key=lambda x: len(x['context']), reverse=True) + item_info = {} + for key in data[0].keys(): + item_info[key] = [d[key] for d in data] + + # merge sequences + src_seqs, src_lengths = merge(item_info['context']) + y_seqs, y_lengths = merge_multi_response(item_info["generate_y"]) + gating_label = torch.tensor(item_info["gating_label"]) + turn_domain = torch.tensor(item_info["turn_domain"]) + + if USE_CUDA: + src_seqs = src_seqs.cuda() + gating_label = gating_label.cuda() + turn_domain = turn_domain.cuda() + y_seqs = y_seqs.cuda() + y_lengths = y_lengths.cuda() + + item_info["context"] = src_seqs + item_info["context_len"] = src_lengths + item_info["gating_label"] = gating_label + item_info["turn_domain"] = turn_domain + item_info["generate_y"] = y_seqs + item_info["y_lengths"] = y_lengths + (item['ID'], + item['turn_id'], + item['turn_belief'], + item['gating_label'], + item['context_ids'], + item['turn_domain'], + item['responses']) + return item_info + + @property + def dataset(self): + return None + + @property + def data_iterator(self): + return self._dataloader diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py index 06560dbaac98..f1aae7e67c6f 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py @@ -16,6 +16,11 @@ class Vocab: def __init__(self): self.word2idx = {'UNK': 0, 'PAD': 1, 'EOS': 2, 'BOS': 3} self.idx2word = ['UNK', 'PAD', 'EOS', 'BOS'] + self.unk_id = self.word2idx['UNK'] + self.pad_id = self.word2idx['PAD'] + self.eos_id = self.word2idx['EOS'] + self.bos_id = self.word2idx['BOS'] + self.unk, self.pad, self.eos, self.bos = 'UNK', 'PAD', 'EOS', 'BOS' def __len__(self): return len(self.idx2word) @@ -49,6 +54,11 @@ def add_words(self, sent, level): for val in value.split(' '): self.add_word(val) + def tokens2ids(self, tokens): + """Converts list of tokens to list of ids.""" + return [self.word2idx[w] + if w in self.word2idx else self.unk_id for w in tokens] + class WOZDSTDataset(Dataset): """ @@ -71,7 +81,9 @@ def __init__(self, self.get_slots() self.get_vocab() - self.get_data() + self.features, self.max_len = self.get_features() + print(vars(self).keys()) + print('One feature', self.features[0]) def get_vocab(self): self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' @@ -115,8 +127,8 @@ def create_vocab(self): self.vocab.add_words(turn['sys_transcript'], 'utterance') self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') - turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error( - turn['belief_state'], False, self.slots) + turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], + self.slots) self.mem_vocab.add_words(turn_beliefs, 'belief') lengths = [len(turn_beliefs[slot]) @@ -134,7 +146,7 @@ def create_vocab(self): with open(self.mem_vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: pickle.dump(self.mem_vocab, handle) - def get_data(self): + def get_features(self): filename = f'{self.data_dir}/{self.mode}_dialogs.json' print(f'Reading from {filename}') dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) @@ -156,13 +168,13 @@ def get_data(self): turn_uttr = turn['sys_transcript'] + ' ; ' + turn['transcript'] turn_uttr = turn_uttr.strip() dialog_histories.append(turn_uttr) - turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error( - turn['belief_state'], False, self.slots) + turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], + self.slots) turn_belief_list = [f'{k}-{v}' for k, v in turn_beliefs.items()] - gating_label, generate_y = [], [] + gating_label, responses = [], [] for slot in self.slots: gating_slot = slot @@ -170,38 +182,55 @@ def get_data(self): gating_slot = 'ptr' if slot in turn_beliefs: - generate_y.append(turn_beliefs[slot]) + responses.append(turn_beliefs[slot]) else: - generate_y.append('none') + responses.append('none') gating_slot = 'none' gating_label.append(self.gating_dict[gating_slot]) - data_detail = {'ID': dialog_dict['dialog_idx'], - 'domains': dialog_dict['domains'], - 'turn_domain': turn['domain'], - 'turn_id': turn['turn_idx'], - 'dialog_history': ' ; '.join(dialog_histories), - 'turn_belief': turn_belief_list, - 'gating_label': gating_label, - 'turn_uttr': turn_uttr, - 'generate_y': generate_y} - data.append(data_detail) - - resp_len = len(data_detail['dialog_history'].split()) + sample = {'ID': dialog_dict['dialog_idx'], + 'domains': dialog_dict['domains'], + 'turn_domain': turn['domain'], + 'turn_id': turn['turn_idx'], + 'dialog_history': ' ; '.join(dialog_histories), + 'turn_belief': turn_belief_list, + 'gating_label': gating_label, + 'turn_uttr': turn_uttr, + 'responses': responses} + data.append(sample) + + resp_len = len(sample['dialog_history'].split()) max_resp_len = max(max_resp_len, resp_len) print('Domain count', domain_count) print('Max response length', max_resp_len) - print(f'Processing {len(data)} pairs') + print(f'Processing {len(data)} samples') return data, max_resp_len - def prepare_data(self): - self.pairs, self.max_len = self.read_vocab() - -def fix_general_label_error(labels, type, slots): - label_dict = dict([(l[0], l[1]) for l in labels]) if type else dict( - [(l["slots"][0][0], l["slots"][0][1]) for l in labels]) - + def __len__(self): + return len(self.features) + + def __getitem__(self, idx): + item = self.features[idx] + context_ids = self.vocab.tokens2ids(item['dialog_history'].split()) + # feature['context_ids'] = torch.Tensor(context_ids) + item['context_ids'] = context_ids + y_ids = [self.vocab.tokens2ids(y.split() + [self.vocab.eos]) + for y in item['responses']] + item['responses'] = y_ids + item['turn_domain'] = self.domains[item['turn_domain']] + + return (item['ID'], + item['turn_id'], + item['turn_belief'], + item['gating_label'], + item['context_ids'], + item['turn_domain'], + item['responses']) + + +def fix_general_label_error(labels, slots): + label_dict = dict([label['slots'][0] for label in labels]) GENERAL_TYPO = { # type "guesthouse": "guest house", diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/__init__.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/__init__.py index 97328a8b6cbf..f46a7e47f5db 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/__init__.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ from .classifiers import * +from .dialog import * from .losses import * from .transformer_nm import * diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..e9024c464a38 --- /dev/null +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -0,0 +1,283 @@ +__all__ = ['DSTGenerator', + 'DSTMaskedCrossEntropy'] + +import numpy as np +import torch +from torch import nn as nn + +import nemo +from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import TrainableNM, LossNM +from nemo.core.neural_types import (NeuralType, + AxisType, + BatchTag, + TimeTag, + ChannelTag) + + +class DSTGenerator(TrainableNM): + @staticmethod + def create_ports(): + input_ports = { + 'encoder_hidden': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag), + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + }), + 'encoder_outputs': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag), + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + }), + 'input_lengths': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + }), + 'story': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + }), + 'max_res_len': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + }), + 'targets': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag), + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag), + + }), + + } + output_ports = { + 'point_outputs': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag), + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag), + 3: AxisType(ChannelTag) + }), + 'gate_outputs': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag), + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + }) + } + return input_ports, output_ports + + def __init__(self, + vocab, + embeddings, + hid_size, + dropout, + slots, + nb_gate, + batch_size=16, + teacher_forcing=0.5): + super().__init__() + self.vocab_size = len(vocab) + self.vocab = vocab + self.embedding = embeddings + self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) + self.gru = nn.GRU(hid_size, hid_size, dropout=dropout) + self.nb_gate = nb_gate + self.hidden_size = hid_size + self.w_ratio = nn.Linear(3 * hid_size, 1) + self.w_gate = nn.Linear(hid_size, nb_gate) + self.softmax = nn.Softmax(dim=1) + self.sigmoid = nn.Sigmoid() + self.slots = slots + + # Create independent slot embeddings + self.slot_w2i = {} + for slot in self.slots: + if slot.split("-")[0] not in self.slot_w2i.keys(): + self.slot_w2i[slot.split("-")[0]] = len(self.slot_w2i) + if slot.split("-")[1] not in self.slot_w2i.keys(): + self.slot_w2i[slot.split("-")[1]] = len(self.slot_w2i) + self.slot_emb = nn.Embedding(len(self.slot_w2i), hid_size) + self.slot_emb.weight.data.normal_(0, 0.1) + self.batch_size = batch_size + + def forward(self, + encoder_hidden, + encoder_outputs, + input_lens, + story, + max_res_len, + targets): + if (not self.training) \ + or (random.random() <= self.teacher_forcing): + use_teacher_forcing = False + else: + use_teacher_forcing = True + + batch_size = self.batch_size + all_point_outputs = torch.zeros(len(self.slots), + batch_size, + max_res_len, + self.vocab_size) + all_gate_outputs = torch.zeros(len(self.slots), + batch_size, + self.nb_gate) + all_point_outputs = all_point_outputs.to(self._device) + all_gate_outputs = all_gate_outputs.to(self._device) + + # Get the slot embedding + slot_emb_dict = {} + for i, slot in enumerate(self.slots): + # Domain embbeding + if slot.split("-")[0] in self.slot_w2i.keys(): + domain_w2idx = [self.slot_w2i[slot.split("-")[0]]] + domain_w2idx = torch.tensor(domain_w2idx) + domain_w2idx = domain_w2idx.to(self._device) + domain_emb = self.slot_emb(domain_w2idx) + # Slot embbeding + if slot.split("-")[1] in self.slot_w2i.keys(): + slot_w2idx = [self.slot_w2i[slot.split("-")[1]]] + slot_w2idx = torch.tensor(slot_w2idx) + slot_w2idx = slot_w2idx.to(self._device) + slot_emb = self.slot_emb(slot_w2idx) + + # Combine two embeddings as one query + combined_emb = domain_emb + slot_emb + slot_emb_dict[slot] = combined_emb + slot_emb_exp = combined_emb.expand_as(encoder_hidden) + if i == 0: + slot_emb_arr = slot_emb_exp.clone() + else: + slot_emb_arr = torch.cat((slot_emb_arr, slot_emb_exp), dim=0) + + # Compute pointer-generator output, + # puting all (domain, slot) in one batch + decoder_input = self.dropout(slot_emb_arr).view(-1, self.hidden_size) + # (batch*|slot|) * emb + hidden = encoder_hidden.repeat(1, len(self.slots), 1) + # 1 * (batch*|slot|) * emb + + for wi in range(max_res_len): + dec_state, hidden = self.gru( + decoder_input.expand_as(hidden), hidden) + + enc_out = encoder_outputs.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) + enc_len = input_lens * len(self.slots) + context_vec, logits, prob = self.attend( + enc_out, hidden.squeeze(0), enc_len) + + if wi == 0: + all_gate_outputs = torch.reshape( + self.w_gate(context_vec), all_gate_outputs.size()) + + p_vocab = self.attend_vocab( + self.embedding.weight, hidden.squeeze(0)) + p_gen_vec = torch.cat( + [dec_state.squeeze(0), context_vec, decoder_input], -1) + vocab_pointer_switches = self.sigmoid(self.w_ratio(p_gen_vec)) + p_context_ptr = torch.zeros(p_vocab.size()) + p_context_ptr = p_context_ptr.to(self._device) + + p_context_ptr.scatter_add_( + 1, story.repeat(len(self.slots), 1), prob) + + final_p_vocab = (1 - vocab_pointer_switches).expand_as(p_context_ptr) * p_context_ptr + \ + vocab_pointer_switches.expand_as(p_context_ptr) * p_vocab + pred_word = torch.argmax(final_p_vocab, dim=1) + words = [self.lang.index2word[w_idx.item()] + for w_idx in pred_word] + + all_point_outputs[:, :, wi, :] = torch.reshape( + final_p_vocab, (len(self.slots), batch_size, self.vocab_size)) + + if use_teacher_forcing: + decoder_input = self.embedding(torch.flatten( + targets[:, :, wi].transpose(1, 0))) + else: + decoder_input = self.embedding(pred_word) + + decoder_input = decoder_input.to(self._device) + + return all_point_outputs, all_gate_outputs + + def attend(self, seq, cond, lens): + """ + attend over the sequences `seq` using the condition `cond`. + """ + scores_ = cond.unsqueeze(1).expand_as(seq).mul(seq).sum(2) + max_len = max(lens) + for i, l in enumerate(lens): + if l < max_len: + scores_.data[i, l:] = -np.inf + scores = F.softmax(scores_, dim=1) + context = scores.unsqueeze(2).expand_as(seq).mul(seq).sum(1) + return context, scores_, scores + + def attend_vocab(self, seq, cond): + scores_ = cond.matmul(seq.transpose(1, 0)) + scores = F.softmax(scores_, dim=1) + return scores + + +class DSTMaskedCrossEntropy(LossNM): + """ + Neural module which implements Masked Language Modeling (MLM) loss. + + Args: + label_smoothing (float): label smoothing regularization coefficient + """ + + @staticmethod + def create_ports(): + input_ports = { + "logits": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag), + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag), + 3: AxisType(ChannelTag) + }), + "targets": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag), + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + }), + "mask": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + }), + } + + output_ports = {"loss": NeuralType(None)} + return input_ports, output_ports + + def __init__(self): + LossNM.__init__(self) + + def _loss_function(self, logits, targets, mask): + # -1 means infered from other dimentions + logits_flat = logits.view(-1, logits.size(-1)) + # print(logits_flat.size()) + log_probs_flat = torch.log(logits_flat) + # print("log_probs_flat", log_probs_flat) + target_flat = targets.view(-1, 1) + # print("target_flat", target_flat) + losses_flat = -torch.gather(log_probs_flat, dim=1, index=target_flat) + losses = losses_flat.view(*targets.size()) # b * |s| * m + loss = masking(losses, mask) + return loss + + +def masking(losses, mask): + mask_ = [] + batch_size = mask.size(0) + max_len = losses.size(2) + for si in range(mask.size(1)): + seq_range = torch.arange(0, max_len).long() + seq_range_expand = seq_range.unsqueeze(0).expand(batch_size, max_len) + if mask[:, si].is_cuda: + seq_range_expand = seq_range_expand.cuda() + seq_length_expand = mask[:, si].unsqueeze( + 1).expand_as(seq_range_expand) + mask_.append((seq_range_expand < seq_length_expand)) + mask_ = torch.stack(mask_) + mask_ = mask_.transpose(0, 1) + if losses.is_cuda: + mask_ = mask_.cuda() + losses = losses * mask_.float() + loss = losses.sum() / (mask_.sum().float()) + return loss diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/transformer_nm.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/transformer_nm.py index a17d3349d17f..840daf509ae9 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/transformer_nm.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/transformer_nm.py @@ -9,7 +9,7 @@ import math -from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import TrainableNM, LossNM +from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import TrainableNM from nemo.core.neural_types import * from ..transformer import (TransformerEmbedding, diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..71d794f15033 --- /dev/null +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py @@ -0,0 +1,117 @@ +# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] + +import os +import random +import time + +import matplotlib +from matplotlib import pyplot as plt +import numpy as np +from sklearn.metrics import confusion_matrix, classification_report + +from nemo.utils.exp_logging import get_logger + + +logger = get_logger('') + + +def eval_iter_callback(tensors, + global_vars, + eval_data_layer): + if "all_intent_preds" not in global_vars.keys(): + global_vars["all_intent_preds"] = [] + if "all_intent_labels" not in global_vars.keys(): + global_vars["all_intent_labels"] = [] + if "all_slot_preds" not in global_vars.keys(): + global_vars["all_slot_preds"] = [] + if "all_slot_labels" not in global_vars.keys(): + global_vars["all_slot_labels"] = [] + if "all_subtokens_mask" not in global_vars.keys(): + global_vars["all_subtokens_mask"] = [] + + all_intent_logits, all_intent_labels = [], [] + all_slot_logits, all_slot_labels = [], [] + all_subtokens_mask = [] + for kv, v in tensors.items(): + if kv.startswith('intent_logits'): + for v_tensor in v: + for logit_tensor in v_tensor: + all_intent_logits.append(tensor2list(logit_tensor)) + + if kv.startswith('intents'): + for v_tensor in v: + for label_tensor in v_tensor: + all_intent_labels.append(tensor2list(label_tensor)) + + if kv.startswith('slot_logits'): + for v_tensor in v: + for logit_tensor in v_tensor: + all_slot_logits.append(tensor2list(logit_tensor)) + + if kv.startswith('slots'): + for v_tensor in v: + for label_tensor in v_tensor: + all_slot_labels.extend(tensor2list(label_tensor)) + + if kv.startswith('subtokens_mask'): + for v_tensor in v: + for subtokens_mask_tensor in v_tensor: + all_subtokens_mask.extend( + tensor2list(subtokens_mask_tensor)) + + all_intent_preds = list(np.argmax(np.asarray(all_intent_logits), 1)) + all_slot_preds = list(np.argmax(np.asarray(all_slot_logits), 2).flatten()) + global_vars["all_intent_preds"].extend(all_intent_preds) + global_vars["all_intent_labels"].extend(all_intent_labels) + global_vars["all_slot_preds"].extend(all_slot_preds) + global_vars["all_slot_labels"].extend(all_slot_labels) + global_vars["all_subtokens_mask"].extend(all_subtokens_mask) + + +def list2str(l): + return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) + + +def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold): + intent_labels = np.asarray(global_vars['all_intent_labels']) + intent_preds = np.asarray(global_vars['all_intent_preds']) + + slot_labels = np.asarray(global_vars['all_slot_labels']) + slot_preds = np.asarray(global_vars['all_slot_preds']) + subtokens_mask = np.asarray(global_vars['all_subtokens_mask']) + + slot_labels = slot_labels[subtokens_mask] + slot_preds = slot_preds[subtokens_mask] + + i = 0 + if intent_preds.shape[0] > 21: + i = random.randint(0, intent_preds.shape[0] - 21) + logger.info("Sampled i_preds: [%s]" % list2str(intent_preds[i:i+20])) + logger.info("Sampled intents: [%s]" % list2str(intent_labels[i:i+20])) + logger.info("Sampled s_preds: [%s]" % list2str(slot_preds[i:i+20])) + logger.info("Sampled slots: [%s]" % list2str(slot_labels[i:i+20])) + cm = confusion_matrix(intent_labels, intent_preds) + fig = plt.figure() + ax = fig.add_subplot(111) + cax = ax.matshow(cm) + plt.title('Confusion matrix of the classifier') + fig.colorbar(cax) + plt.xlabel('Predicted') + plt.ylabel('True') + os.makedirs(graph_fold, exist_ok=True) + plt.savefig(os.path.join(graph_fold, time.strftime('%Y%m%d-%H%M%S'))) + + logger.info('Intent prediction results') + correct_preds = sum(intent_labels == intent_preds) + intent_accuracy = correct_preds / intent_labels.shape[0] + logger.info(f'Intent accuracy: {intent_accuracy}') + logger.info(classification_report(intent_labels, intent_preds)) + + logger.info('Slot prediction results') + slot_accuracy = sum(slot_labels == slot_preds) / slot_labels.shape[0] + logger.info(f'Slot accuracy: {slot_accuracy}') + logger.info(classification_report(slot_labels, slot_preds)) + + return dict({'intent_accuracy': intent_accuracy, + 'slot_accuracy': slot_accuracy}) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index ac93e1203c1a..9e8bfd26b59b 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -7,12 +7,14 @@ import os import nemo +from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import EncoderRNN +from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy import nemo_nlp parser = argparse.ArgumentParser( description='TRADE for MultiWOZ 2.1 dialog state tracking') parser.add_argument("--local_rank", default=None, type=int) -parser.add_argument("--batch_size", default=32, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--batch_size", default=16, type=int) parser.add_argument("--eval_batch_size", default=24, type=int) parser.add_argument("--max_seq_length", default=50, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_gpus", default=1, type=int) @@ -21,7 +23,10 @@ parser.add_argument("--lr", default=2e-5, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default="WarmupAnnealing", type=str) parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.01, type=float) -parser.add_argument("--fc_dropout", default=0.1, type=float) +parser.add_argument("--emb_dim", default=400, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--hid_dim", default=400, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--n_layers", default=1, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--dropout", default=0.1, type=float) parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/dialog/multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--dataset_name", default='multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--train_file_prefix", default='train', type=str) @@ -55,12 +60,13 @@ # type=int, default=0) args = parser.parse_args() -EXPERIMENT_DOMAINS = ["hotel", "train", "restaurant", "attraction", "taxi"] +DOMAINS = {"attraction": 0, "restaurant": 1, "taxi": 2, "train": 3, "hotel": 4} if not os.path.exists(args.data_dir): raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {args.data_dir}') work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/{args.dataset_name.upper()}' + nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory(backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, @@ -69,8 +75,74 @@ files_to_copy=[__file__], add_time_to_log_dir=True) -data = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, - EXPERIMENT_DOMAINS, - mode='train') -encoder = -print(vars(dataset).keys()) +data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, + DOMAINS, + batch_size=args.batch_size, + mode='train') +src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gating_labels = data_layer() +vocab_size = len(data_layer._dataset.vocab) + +encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, + args.emb_dim, + args.hid_dim, + args.dropout, + args.n_layers) + +outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids, input_lengths=src_lens) + +decoder = nemo_nlp.DSTGenerator(data_layer._dataset.vocab, + encoder.embedding, + args.hid_dim, + args.dropout, + data_layer._dataset.slots, + len(data_layer._dataset.gating_dict), + batch_size=args.batch_size, + teacher_forcing=0.5) +point_outputs, gate_outputs = decoder() + +# gate_loss_fn = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.CrossEntropyLoss() +ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() + +# gate_loss = gate_loss_fn() +train_loss = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs, + targets=tgt_ids, + mask=tgt_lens) + +eval_tensors = [point_outputs, gate_outputs] +steps_per_epoch = 1 + +# Create callbacks for train and eval modes +train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( + tensors=[train_loss], + print_func=lambda x: str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3)), + tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, + get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]]], + step_freq=steps_per_epoch) + + +eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( + eval_tensors=eval_tensors, + user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback( + x, y, data_layer), + user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( + x, f'{nf.work_dir}/graphs'), + tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, + eval_step=steps_per_epoch) + +# Create callback to save checkpoints +ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( + folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, + epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, + step_freq=args.save_step_freq) + +lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy(args.lr_policy, + total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, + warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion) + +nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[train_loss], + callbacks=[train_callback, eval_callback, ckpt_callback], + lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, + optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, + optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, + "lr": args.lr, + "weight_decay": args.weight_decay}) diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py index ab4b69178583..b03c0e57eba6 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py @@ -184,7 +184,9 @@ def is_in_degree_zero(node, processed_nodes): # Create top_sorted_modules aka callchain top_sorted_modules = [] + print('TO DELETE _top_sorted_modules', _top_sorted_modules) for i, m in enumerate(_top_sorted_modules): + print('module', i, m[0]) top_sorted_modules.append((m[0], dict(m[1]), m[2])) # Ensure that there is only one dataset in callchain if i > 0 and isinstance(m[0], DataLayerNM): diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 12a6f39c9529..19ae2f10f78a 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -10,8 +10,11 @@ from nemo.backends.pytorch.common.parts import Attention from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import TrainableNM -from nemo.core.neural_types import NeuralType, AxisType, BatchTag, TimeTag, \ - ChannelTag +from nemo.core.neural_types import (NeuralType, + AxisType, + BatchTag, + TimeTag, + ChannelTag) from nemo.utils.misc import pad_to @@ -25,7 +28,10 @@ def create_ports(): 'inputs': NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - }) + }), + 'input_lengths': NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + }, optional=True) } output_ports = { 'outputs': NeuralType({ @@ -39,18 +45,19 @@ def create_ports(): 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) }) } + return input_ports, output_ports def __init__(self, input_dim, emb_dim, hid_dim, dropout, - pad_idx=1, n_layers=1, + pad_idx=1, embedding_to_load=None): super().__init__() self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - self.emb = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) + self.embedding = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) if embedding_to_load is not None: self.embedding.weight.data.copy_(embedding_to_load) else: @@ -61,9 +68,11 @@ def __init__(self, batch_first=True, dropout=dropout, bidirectional=True) + self.to(self._device) def forward(self, inputs, input_lengths=None): - embedded = self.emb(inputs) + print('TO DELETE inputs', inputs) + embedded = self.embedding(inputs) embedded = self.dropout(embedded) if input_lengths is not None: embedded = nn.utils.rnn.pack_padded_sequence(embedded, @@ -90,7 +99,7 @@ def forward(self, inputs, input_lengths=None): hidden = hidden.tranpose(2, 0).tranpose(1, 2) hidden = hidden.reshape(batch_size, self.rnn.num_layers, -1) # hidden is now of shape (batch, seq_len, num_directions * hidden_size) - self.to(self._device) + return outputs, hidden From b74f58e2f0a0000186c24ff0e9b42f803cb3d9db Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Chip Nguyen Date: Thu, 21 Nov 2019 14:04:38 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 009/138] wip Signed-off-by: Chip Nguyen --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 2 +- examples/start_here/movie_data.txt | 150000 +++++++++++++++++++++ 2 files changed, 150001 insertions(+), 1 deletion(-) create mode 100644 examples/start_here/movie_data.txt diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 9e8bfd26b59b..8696d2216fc2 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -98,7 +98,7 @@ len(data_layer._dataset.gating_dict), batch_size=args.batch_size, teacher_forcing=0.5) -point_outputs, gate_outputs = decoder() +point_outputs, gate_outputs = decoder(outputs, hidden) # gate_loss_fn = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.CrossEntropyLoss() ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() diff --git a/examples/start_here/movie_data.txt b/examples/start_here/movie_data.txt new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..ddbe99ee413d --- /dev/null +++ b/examples/start_here/movie_data.txt @@ -0,0 +1,150000 @@ +Can we make this quick? Roxanne Korrine and Andrew Barrett are having an incredibly horrendous public break- up on the quad. Again. Well, I thought we'd start with pronunciation, if that's okay with you. +Well, I thought we'd start with pronunciation, if that's okay with you. Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part. Please. +Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part. Please. Okay... then how 'bout we try out some French cuisine. Saturday? Night? +You're asking me out. That's so cute. What's your name again? Forget it. +No, no, it's my fault -- we didn't have a proper introduction --- Cameron. +Cameron. The thing is, Cameron -- I'm at the mercy of a particularly hideous breed of loser. My sister. I can't date until she does. +The thing is, Cameron -- I'm at the mercy of a particularly hideous breed of loser. My sister. I can't date until she does. Seems like she could get a date easy enough... +Why? Unsolved mystery. She used to be really popular when she started high school, then it was just like she got sick of it or something. +Unsolved mystery. She used to be really popular when she started high school, then it was just like she got sick of it or something. That's a shame. +Gosh, if only we could find Kat a boyfriend... Let me see what I can do. +C'esc ma tete. This is my head Right. See? You're ready for the quiz. +Right. See? You're ready for the quiz. I don't want to know how to say that though. I want to know useful things. Like where the good stores are. How much does champagne cost? Stuff like Chat. I have never in my life had to point out my head to someone. +I don't want to know how to say that though. I want to know useful things. Like where the good stores are. How much does champagne cost? Stuff like Chat. I have never in my life had to point out my head to someone. That's because it's such a nice one. +That's because it's such a nice one. Forget French. +How is our little Find the Wench A Date plan progressing? Well, there's someone I think might be -- +There. Where? +You got something on your mind? I counted on you to help my cause. You and that thug are obviously failing. Aren't we ever going on our date? +You have my word. As a gentleman You're sweet. +How do you get your hair to look like that? Eber's Deep Conditioner every two days. And I never, ever use a blowdryer without the diffuser attachment. +Sure have. I really, really, really wanna go, but I can't. Not unless my sister goes. +I really, really, really wanna go, but I can't. Not unless my sister goes. I'm workin' on it. But she doesn't seem to be goin' for him. +She's not a... Lesbian? No. I found a picture of Jared Leto in one of her drawers, so I'm pretty sure she's not harboring same-sex tendencies. +Lesbian? No. I found a picture of Jared Leto in one of her drawers, so I'm pretty sure she's not harboring same-sex tendencies. So that's the kind of guy she likes? Pretty ones? +So that's the kind of guy she likes? Pretty ones? Who knows? All I've ever heard her say is that she'd dip before dating a guy that smokes. +Hi. Looks like things worked out tonight, huh? +You know Chastity? I believe we share an art instructor +Have fun tonight? Tons +"I looked for you back at the party, but you always seemed to be ""occupied""." I was? +I was? You never wanted to go out with 'me, did you? +Well, no... Then that's all you had to say. +Then that's all you had to say. But +But You always been this selfish? +"Then Guillermo says, ""If you go any lighter, you're gonna look like an extra on 90210.""" No... +do you listen to this crap? What crap? +What crap? Me. This endless ...blonde babble. I'm like, boring myself. +Me. This endless ...blonde babble. I'm like, boring myself. Thank God! If I had to hear one more story about your coiffure... +I figured you'd get to the good stuff eventually. What good stuff? +What good stuff? "The ""real you""." +"The ""real you""." Like my fear of wearing pastels? +"I'm kidding. You know how sometimes you just become this ""persona""? And you don't know how to quit?" No +No Okay -- you're gonna need to learn how to lie. +Wow Let's go. +She okay? I hope so. +They do to! They do not! +Did you change your hair? No. +No. You might wanna think about it +Where did he go? He was just here. Who? +Who? Joey. +Great Would you mind getting me a drink, Cameron? +He practically proposed when he found out we had the same dermatologist. I mean. Dr. Bonchowski is great an all, but he's not exactly relevant party conversation. Is he oily or dry? +Is he oily or dry? Combination. I don't know -- I thought he'd be different. More of a gentleman... +Bianca, I don't think the highlights of dating Joey Dorsey are going to include door-opening and coat-holding. Sometimes I wonder if the guys we're supposed to want to go out with are the ones we actually want to go out with, you know? +Sometimes I wonder if the guys we're supposed to want to go out with are the ones we actually want to go out with, you know? All I know is -- I'd give up my private line to go out with a guy like Joey. +I have to be home in twenty minutes. I don't have to be home 'til two. +You think you ' re the only sophomore at the prom? I did. +It's more Expensive? +Exactly So, you going to Bogey Lowenbrau's thing on Saturday? Hopefully. +"So yeah, I've got the Sears catalog thing going -- and the tube sock gig "" that's gonna be huge. And then I'm up for an ad for Queen Harry next week." Queen Harry? +Queen Harry? It's a gay cruise line, but I'll be, like, wearing a uniform and stuff. +Neat... My agent says I've got a good shot at being the Prada guy next year. +Hey, sweet cheeks. Hi, Joey. +Hi, Joey. You're concentrating awfully hard considering it's gym class. +Listen, I want to talk to you about the prom. You know the deal. I can ' t go if Kat doesn't go -- +Where've you been? Nowhere... Hi, Daddy. +I have the potential to smack the crap out of you if you don't get out of my way. Can you at least start wearing a bra? +Oh my God, does this mean you're becoming normal? It means that Gigglepuss is playing at Club Skunk and we're going. +It means that Gigglepuss is playing at Club Skunk and we're going. Oh, I thought you might have a date I don't know why I'm bothering to ask, but are you going to Bogey Lowenstein's party Saturday night? +Oh, I thought you might have a date I don't know why I'm bothering to ask, but are you going to Bogey Lowenstein's party Saturday night? What do you think? +What do you think? I think you're a freak. I think you do this to torture me. And I think you suck. +You're ruining my life' Because you won't be normal, I can't be normal. What's normal? +What's normal? Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal, but you're too busy listening to Bitches Who Need Prozac to know that. +Can't you forget for just one night that you're completely wretched? At least I'm not a clouted fen- sucked hedge-pig. +Like I'm supposed to know what that even means. It's Shakespeare. Maybe you've heard of him? +It's Shakespeare. Maybe you've heard of him? Yeah, he's your freak friend Mandella's boyfriend. I guess since I'm not allowed to go out, I should obsess over a dead guy, too. +You are so completely unbalanced. Can we go now? +Bianca, I need to talk to you -- I need to tell you -- I really don't think I need any social advice from you right now. +I don't get you. You act like you're too good for any of this, and then you go totally apeshit when you get here. You're welcome. +Listen, I know you hate having to sit home because I'm not Susie High School. Like you care. +Like you care. I do care. But I'm a firm believer in doing something for your own reasons, not someone else ' s . +I do care. But I'm a firm believer in doing something for your own reasons, not someone else ' s . I wish I had that luxury. I'm the only sophomore that got asked to the prom and I can't go, because you won ' t. +Joey never told you we went out, did he? What? +What? In 9th. For a month +In 9th. For a month Why? +Why? He was, like, a total babe +He was, like, a total babe But you hate Joey +But you hate Joey Now I do. Back then, was a different story. +Now I do. Back then, was a different story. As in... +He said everyone was doing it. So I did it. You did what? +You did what? Just once. Afterwards, I told him I didn't want to anymore. I wasn't ready. He got pissed. Then he broke up with me. +But "After that, I swore I'd never do anything just because ""everyone else"" was doing it. And I haven't since. Except for Bogey's party, and my stunning gastro-intestinal display --" +"After that, I swore I'd never do anything just because ""everyone else"" was doing it. And I haven't since. Except for Bogey's party, and my stunning gastro-intestinal display --" Why didn't you tell me? +Why didn't you tell me? I wanted to let you make up your own mind about him. +I wanted to let you make up your own mind about him. No. you didn't! If you really thought I could make my own decisions, you would've let me go out with him instead of helping Daddy hold me hostage. +That's not I'm not stupid enough to repeat your mistakes. +I'm not stupid enough to repeat your mistakes. I guess I thought I was protecting you. +I guess I thought I was protecting you. God, you're just like him! Just keep me locked away in the dark, so I can't experience anything for myself +God, you're just like him! Just keep me locked away in the dark, so I can't experience anything for myself Not all experiences are good, Bianca. You can't always trust the people you want to. +Not all experiences are good, Bianca. You can't always trust the people you want to. I guess I'll never know, will I? +You looked beautiful last night, you know. So did you +Let go! You set me up. +You set me up. I just wanted -- +I just wanted -- What? To completely damage me? To send me to therapy forever? What? +What? To completely damage me? To send me to therapy forever? What? No! I just wanted +Is that woman a complete fruit-loop or is it just me? It's just you. +Patrick -- is that- a. Perm? +Now don't get upset. Daddy, but there's this boy... and I think he might ask... No! You're not dating until your sister starts dating. End of discussion. +No! You're not dating until your sister starts dating. End of discussion. What if she never starts dating? +What if she never starts dating? Then neither will you. And I'll get to sleep at night. +Then neither will you. And I'll get to sleep at night. But it's not fair -- she's a mutant, Daddy! +But she doesn't want to date. Exactly my point +Daddy, I -- And where're you going? +And where're you going? If you must know, we were attempting to go to a small study group of friends. +If you must know, we were attempting to go to a small study group of friends. Otherwise known as an orgy? +Otherwise known as an orgy? "It's just a party. Daddy, but I knew you'd forbid me to go since ""Gloria Steinem"" over there isn't going --" +Daddy, people expect me to be there! If Kat's not going, you're not going. +Oh, God. It's starting. It's just a party. Daddy. +Wear the belly before you go. Daddy, no! +Daddy, no! Just for a minute +Promise me you won't talk to any boys unless your sister is present. Why? +Why? Because she'll scare them away. +Daddy, I want to discuss the prom with you. It's tomorrow night -- The prom? Kat has a date? +The prom? Kat has a date? No, but +No, but It's that hot rod Joey, right? That ' s who you want me to bend my rules for? +It's that hot rod Joey, right? That ' s who you want me to bend my rules for? "He's not a ""hot rod"". Whatever that is." +"He's not a ""hot rod"". Whatever that is." You're not going unless your sister goes. End of story. +You're not going unless your sister goes. End of story. Fine. I see that I'm a prisoner in my own house. I'm not a daughter. I'm a possession! +I'm missing something. I have a date, Daddy. And he ' s not a captain of oppression like some men we know. +Always a pleasure, Brucie. Didn't have you pegged for a Gigglepuss fan. Aren't they a little too pre-teen belly-button ring for you? +Didn't have you pegged for a Gigglepuss fan. Aren't they a little too pre-teen belly-button ring for you? Fan of a fan. You see a couple of minors come in? +Fan of a fan. You see a couple of minors come in? Never +Never Padua girls. One tall, decent body. The other one kinda short and undersexed? +Padua girls. One tall, decent body. The other one kinda short and undersexed? Just sent 'em through. +You the new guy? So they tell me... +So they tell me... C'mon. I'm supposed to give you the tour. +So -- which Dakota you from? North, actually. How'd you ? +North, actually. How'd you ? I was kidding. People actually live there? +I was kidding. People actually live there? Yeah. A couple. We're outnumbered by the cows, though. +Yeah. A couple. We're outnumbered by the cows, though. How many people were in your old school? +How many people were in your old school? Thirty-two. +Thirty-two. Get out! +Get out! How many people go here? +How many people go here? Couple thousand. Most of them evil +That I'm used to. Yeah, but these guys have never seen a horse. They just jack off to Clint Eastwood. +That girl -- I -- You burn, you pine, you perish? +You burn, you pine, you perish? Who is she? +Who is she? Bianca Stratford. Sophomore. Don't even think about it +Bianca Stratford. Sophomore. Don't even think about it Why not? +Why not? I could start with your haircut, but it doesn't matter. She's not allowed to date until her older sister does. And that's an impossibility. +Why do girls like that always like guys like that? Because they're bred to. Their mothers liked guys like that, and their grandmothers before them. Their gene pool is rarely diluted. +Because they're bred to. Their mothers liked guys like that, and their grandmothers before them. Their gene pool is rarely diluted. He always have that shit-eating grin? +He always have that shit-eating grin? Joey Dorsey? Perma-shit-grin. I wish I could say he's a moron, but he's number twelve in the class. And a model. Mostly regional stuff, but he's rumored to have a big tube sock ad coming out. +You know French? Sure do ... my Mom's from Canada +Sure do ... my Mom's from Canada Guess who just signed up for a tutor? +Guess who just signed up for a tutor? You mean I'd get a chance to talk to her? +You mean I'd get a chance to talk to her? You could consecrate with her, my friend. +Yeah, just a minor encounter with the shrew. That's her? Bianca's sister? +That's her? Bianca's sister? The mewling, rampalian wretch herself. +I teach her French, get to know her, dazzle her with charm and she falls in love with me. Unlikely, but even so, she still can't go out with you. So what's the point? +What about him? You wanna go out with him? +What makes you think he'll do it? He seems like he thrives on danger +He seems like he thrives on danger No kidding. He's a criminal. I heard he lit a state trooper on fire. He just got out of Alcatraz... +No kidding. He's a criminal. I heard he lit a state trooper on fire. He just got out of Alcatraz... They always let felons sit in on Honors Biology? +They always let felons sit in on Honors Biology? I'm serious, man, he's whacked. He sold his own liver on the black market so he could buy new speakers. +I'm serious, man, he's whacked. He sold his own liver on the black market so he could buy new speakers. Forget his reputation. Do you think we've got a plan or not? +Forget his reputation. Do you think we've got a plan or not? Did she actually say she'd go out with you? +Did she actually say she'd go out with you? That's what I just said +You know, if you do go out with Bianca, you'd be set. You'd outrank everyone. Strictly A-list. With me by your side. I thought you hated those people. +I thought you hated those people. Hey -- I've gotta have a few clients when I get to Wall Street. +You got him involved? Like we had a choice? Besides -- when you let the enemy think he's orchestrating the battle, you're in a position of power. We let him pretend he's calling the shots, and while he's busy setting up the plan, you have time to woo Bianca. +This is it. A golden opportunity. Patrick can ask Katarina to the party. In that case, we'll need to make it a school-wide blow out. +In that case, we'll need to make it a school-wide blow out. Will Bogey get bent? +Will Bogey get bent? Are you kidding? He'll piss himself with joy. He's the ultimate kiss ass. +Number one. She hates smokers It's a lung cancer issue +It's a lung cancer issue Her favorite uncle +Her favorite uncle Dead at forty-one. +He's pretty! Okay! I wasn't sure +Assail your ears for one night. It's her favorite band. +You told me that part already. Hell, I've just been going over the whole thing in my head and - +Extremely unfortunate maneuver. The hell is that? What kind of 'guy just picks up a girl and carries her away while you're talking to her? +The hell is that? What kind of 'guy just picks up a girl and carries her away while you're talking to her? Buttholus extremus. But hey, you're making progress. +Buttholus extremus. But hey, you're making progress. No, I ' m not. +You humiliated the woman! Sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity and even the score. Best case scenario, you're back on the payroll for awhile. +And he means that strictly in a non- prison-movie type of way. Yeah -- we'll see. +What've you got for me? I've retrieved certain pieces of information on Miss Katarina Stratford I think you'll find helpful. +"Okay -- Likes: Thai food, feminist prose, and ""angry, stinky girl music of the indie-rock persuasion""." So what does that give me? I'm supposed to buy her some noodles and a book and sit around listening to chicks who can't play their instruments? +Gigglepuss is playing there tomorrow night. Don't make me do it, man +Cameron, I'm a little busy It's off. The whole thing. +What 're you talking about? She's partial to Joey, not me +Cameron -- do you like the girl? Sure +Sure Then, go get her +What'd you do to her? I don ' t know. I decided not to nail her when she was too drunk to remember it. +She hates you with the fire of a thousand suns . That's a direct quote She just needs time to cool off I'll give it a day. +You makin' any headway? She kissed me. +She kissed me. Where? +What's the worst? You get the girl. +The vintage look is over, Kat. Haven't you been reading your Sassy? Yeah, and I noticed the only part of you featured in your big Kmart spread was your elbow. Tough break. +Yeah, and I noticed the only part of you featured in your big Kmart spread was your elbow. Tough break. They're running the rest of me next month. +Hey -- do you mind? Not at all +Where ya goin? Away. +Away. Your sister here? +Leave my sister alone. And why would I do that? +Yeah What do you think? +Two legs, nice rack... Yeah, whatever. I want you to go out with her. +Yeah, whatever. I want you to go out with her. Sure, Sparky. I'll get right on it. +Sure, Sparky. I'll get right on it. You just said +You just said You need money to take a girl out +You need money to take a girl out But you'd go out with her if you had the cake? +You got it, Verona. I pick up the tab, you do the honors. You're gonna pay me to take out some girl? +You're gonna pay me to take out some girl? I can't date her sister until that one gets a boyfriend. And that's the catch. She doesn't want a boyfriend. +I can't date her sister until that one gets a boyfriend. And that's the catch. She doesn't want a boyfriend. How much? +I can't take a girl like that out on twenty bucks. Fine, thirty. +Take it or leave it. This isn't a negotiation. Fifty, and you've got your man. +When I shell out fifty, I expect results. I'm on it +I'm on it Watching the bitch trash my car doesn't count as a date. +Watching the bitch trash my car doesn't count as a date. I got her under control. She just acts crazed in public to keep up the image. +I just upped my price What? +What? A hundred bucks a date. +A hundred bucks a date. Forget it. +Forget it. Forget her sister, then. +It's about time. A deal's a deal. +How'd you do it? Do what? +Do what? Get her to act like a human +I don't know, Dorsey. ..the limo.-the flowers. Another hundred for the tux -- Enough with the Barbie n' Ken shit. I know. +Hey. Are you lost? +Are you lost? Nope - just came by to chat +Nope - just came by to chat We don't chat. +We don't chat. Well, actually, I thought I'd run an idea by you. You know, just to see if you're interested. +Well, actually, I thought I'd run an idea by you. You know, just to see if you're interested. We're not. +But she can't go out with you because her sister is this insane head case and no one will go out with her. right? Does this conversation have a purpose? +Does this conversation have a purpose? So what you need to do is recruit a guy who'll go out with her. Someone who's up for the job. +I hear you're helpin' Verona. Uh, yeah. We're old friend* +Uh, yeah. We're old friend* You and Verona? +You and Verona? What? We took bathes together when we were kids. +You better not fuck this up. I'm heavily invested. Hey -- it's all for the higher good right? +Who's that? Patrick Verona Random skid. +Patrick Verona Random skid. That's Pat Verona? The one who was gone for a year? I heard he was doing porn movies. +That's Pat Verona? The one who was gone for a year? I heard he was doing porn movies. I'm sure he's completely incapable of doing anything that interesting. +I'm sure he's completely incapable of doing anything that interesting. He always look so +He always look so Block E? +Mandella, eat. Starving yourself is a very slow way to die. Just a little. +What's this? An attempted slit. +I realize that the men of this fine institution are severely lacking, but killing yourself so you can be with William Shakespeare is beyond the scope of normal teenage obsessions. You're venturing far past daytime talk show fodder and entering the world of those who need very expensive therapy. But imagine the things he'd say during sex. +The people at this school are so incredibly foul. You could always go with me. I'm sure William has some friends. +So he has this huge raging fit about Sarah Lawrence and insists that I go to his male-dominated, puking frat boy, number one golf team school. I have no say at all. William would never have gone to a state school. +William would never have gone to a state school. William didn't even go to high school +William didn't even go to high school That's never been proven +That's never been proven Neither has his heterosexuality. +I appreciate your efforts toward a speedy death, but I'm consuming. Do you mind? Does it matter? +Does it matter? "If I was Bianca, it would be, ""Any school you want, precious. Don't forget your tiara.""" +You think this'll work? No fear. +What'd he say? Who cares? +You went to the party? I thought we were officially opposed to suburban social activity. I didn't have a choice. +I didn't have a choice. You didn't have a choice? Where's Kat and what have you done with her? +You didn't have a choice? Where's Kat and what have you done with her? I did Bianca a favor and it backfired. +I did Bianca a favor and it backfired. You didn't +You didn't I got drunk. I puked. I got rejected. It was big fun. +Can you even imagine? Who the hell would go to this a bastion of commercial excess? Well, I guess we're not, since we don't have dates . +Well, I guess we're not, since we don't have dates . Listen to you! You sound like Betty, all pissed off because Archie is taking Veronica. +Listen to you! You sound like Betty, all pissed off because Archie is taking Veronica. Okay, okay, we won't go. It's not like I have a dress anyway +Okay, okay, we won't go. It's not like I have a dress anyway You ' re looking at this from the wrong perspective. We're making a statement. +You ' re looking at this from the wrong perspective. We're making a statement. Oh, good. Something new and different for us. +Have you seen him? Who? +Who? William - he asked me to meet him here. +William - he asked me to meet him here. Oh, honey -- tell me we haven't' progressed to full-on hallucinations. +I mean Wo-man. How ya doin'? Sweating like a pig, actually. And yourself? +Sweating like a pig, actually. And yourself? There's a way to get a guy's attention. +There's a way to get a guy's attention. My mission in life. +Pick you up Friday, then Oh, right. Friday. +The night I take you to places you've never been before. And back. Like where? The 7-Eleven on Burnside? Do you even know my name, screwboy? +Like where? The 7-Eleven on Burnside? Do you even know my name, screwboy? I know a lot more than that +You hate me don't you? I don't really think you warrant that strong an emotion. +I don't really think you warrant that strong an emotion. Then say you'll spend Dollar Night at the track with me. +Then say you'll spend Dollar Night at the track with me. And why would I do that? +And why would I do that? Come on -- the ponies, the flat beer, you with money in your eyes, me with my hand on your ass... +Come on -- the ponies, the flat beer, you with money in your eyes, me with my hand on your ass... You -- covered in my vomit. +You -- covered in my vomit. Seven-thirty? +Are you following me? I was in the laundromat. I saw your car. Thought I'd say hi. +I was in the laundromat. I saw your car. Thought I'd say hi. Hi +You're not a big talker, are you? Depends on the topic. My fenders don't really whip me into a verbal frenzy. +Excuse me? That's what you want, isn't it? +That's what you want, isn't it? Do you mind? You're sort of ruining it for me. +You know, these guys are no Bikini Kill or The Raincoats, but they're right up there. You know who The Raincoats are? +You know who The Raincoats are? Why, don't you? +What's this? """I'm getting trashed, man."" Isn't that what you're supposed to do at a party?" +"""I'm getting trashed, man."" Isn't that what you're supposed to do at a party?" I say, do what you wanna do. +I say, do what you wanna do. Funny, you're the only one +Okay? I'm fine. I'm +You're not okay. I just need to lie down for awhile +I just need to lie down for awhile Uh, uh. You lie down and you'll go to sleep +Uh, uh. You lie down and you'll go to sleep I know, just let me sleep +I know, just let me sleep What if you have a concussion? My dog went to sleep with a concussion and woke up a vegetable. Not that I could tell the difference... +This is so patronizing. Leave it to you to use big words when you're shitfaced. +Leave it to you to use big words when you're shitfaced. Why 're you doing this? +Why 're you doing this? I told you +I told you You don't care if I die +You don't care if I die Sure, I do +Sure, I do Why? +Why? Because then I'd have to start taking out girls who like me. +Because then I'd have to start taking out girls who like me. Like you could find one +Like you could find one See that? Who needs affection when I've got blind hatred? +See that? Who needs affection when I've got blind hatred? Just let me sit down. +Why'd you let him get to you? Who? +Who? Dorsey. +Dorsey. I hate him. +I hate him. I know. It'd have to be a pretty big deal to get you to mainline tequila. You don't seem like the type. +I know. It'd have to be a pretty big deal to get you to mainline tequila. You don't seem like the type. "Hey man. . . You don ' t think I can be ""cool""? You don't think I can be ""laid back"" like everyone else?" +"Hey man. . . You don ' t think I can be ""cool""? You don't think I can be ""laid back"" like everyone else?" I thought you were above all that +I thought you were above all that You know what they say +Kat! Wake up! What? +And I'm in control of it. But it's Gigglepuss - I know you like them. I saw you there. +When you were gone last year -- where were you? Busy +Busy Were you in jail? +Were you in jail? Maybe. +Maybe. No, you weren't +No, you weren't Then why'd you ask? +Then why'd you ask? Why'd you lie? +I should do this. Do what? +Do what? This. +Start a band? My father wouldn't approve of that that +My father wouldn't approve of that that You don't strike me as the type that would ask permission. +Oh, so now you think you know me? I'm gettin' there +So what ' s up with your dad? He a pain in the ass? He just wants me to be someone I'm not. +He just wants me to be someone I'm not. Who? +Who? BIANCA +BIANCA No offense, but you're sister is without. I know everyone likes her and all, but ... +Excuse me, have you seen The Feminine Mystique? I lost my copy. What are you doing here? +What are you doing here? I heard there was a poetry reading. +I heard there was a poetry reading. You 're so -- +You 're so -- Pleasant? +Wholesome. Unwelcome. +Unwelcome. Unwelcome? I guess someone still has her panties in a twist. +Unwelcome? I guess someone still has her panties in a twist. Don't for one minute think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties. +Don't for one minute think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties. So what did I have an effect on ? +So what did I have an effect on ? Other than my upchuck reflex? Nothing. +He left! I sprung the dickhead and he cruised on me. Look up, sunshine +I guess I never told you I'm afraid of heights. C'mon. It's not that bad +C'mon. It's not that bad Try lookin' at it from this angle +Put your right foot there -- Forget it. I'm stayin'. +Forget it. I'm stayin'. You want me to climb up and show you how to get down? +You want me to climb up and show you how to get down? Maybe. +The Partridge Family? I figured it had to be something ridiculous to win your respect. And piss you off. +I figured it had to be something ridiculous to win your respect. And piss you off. Good call. +Good call. So how'd you get Chapin to look the other way? +So how'd you get Chapin to look the other way? I dazzled him with my wit +A soft side? Who knew? Yeah, well, don't let it get out +Yeah, well, don't let it get out So what's your excuse? +So what's your excuse? Acting the way we do. +Acting the way we do. Yes +Yes I don't like to do what people expect. Then they expect it all the time and they get disappointed when you change. +I don't like to do what people expect. Then they expect it all the time and they get disappointed when you change. So if you disappoint them from the start, you're covered? +So if you disappoint them from the start, you're covered? Something like that +Something like that Then you screwed up +Then you screwed up How? +How? You never disappointed me. +You up for it? For. . . ? +State trooper? Fallacy. +Fallacy. The duck? +The duck? Hearsay. +Hearsay. I know the porn career's a lie. +Tell me something true. I hate peas. +I hate peas. No -- something real. Something no one else knows. +No -- something real. Something no one else knows. You're sweet. And sexy. And completely hot for me. +You're sweet. And sexy. And completely hot for me. What? +What? No one else knows +No one else knows You're amazingly self-assured. Has anyone ever told you that? +You're amazingly self-assured. Has anyone ever told you that? Go to the prom with me +Is that a request or a command? You know what I mean +You know what I mean No. +No. No what? +No what? No, I won't go with you +No, I won't go with you Why not? +Why not? Because I don't want to. It's a stupid tradition. +Create a little drama? Start a new rumor? What? So I have to have a motive to be with you? +So I have to have a motive to be with you? You tell me. +You tell me. You need therapy. Has anyone ever told you that? +You need therapy. Has anyone ever told you that? Answer the question, Patrick +Answer the question, Patrick Nothing! There's nothing in it for me. Just the pleasure of your company. +How'd you get a tux at the last minute? It's Scurvy's. His date got convicted. Where'd you get the dress? +It's Scurvy's. His date got convicted. Where'd you get the dress? It's just something I had. You know +It's just something I had. You know Oh huh +Oh huh Look, I'm -- sorry -- that I questioned your motives. I was wrong. +My grandmother's . What? +What? That's where I was last year. She'd never lived alone -- my grandfather died -- I stayed with her. I wasn't in jail, I don't know Marilyn Manson, and I've never slept with a Spice Girl. I spent a year sitting next to my grandma on the couch watching Wheel of Fortune. End of story. +That ' s completely adorable! It gets worse -- you still have your freshman yearbook? +Wait I... You were paid to take me out! By -- the one person I truly hate. I knew it was a set-up! +You were paid to take me out! By -- the one person I truly hate. I knew it was a set-up! It wasn't like that. +It wasn't like that. Really? What was it like? A down payment now, then a bonus for sleeping with me? +Really? What was it like? A down payment now, then a bonus for sleeping with me? I didn't care about the money. +A Fender Strat. You bought this? I thought you could use it. When you start your band. +Besides, I had some extra cash. Some asshole paid me to take out a really great girl. Is that right? +Is that right? Yeah, but then I fucked up. I fell for her. +Why is my veggie burger the only burnt object on this grill? Because I like to torture you. +Because I like to torture you. Oh, Bianca? Can you get me my freshman yearbook? +Oh, Bianca? Can you get me my freshman yearbook? Don ' t you even dare. . . +I know. I thought we decided you were going to school here. At U of 0. +I thought we decided you were going to school here. At U of 0. You decided. +This from someone whose diary is devoted to favorite grooming tips? Enough! +My insurance does not cover PMS Then tell them I had a seizure. +Then tell them I had a seizure. Is this about Sarah Lawrence? You punishing me? +Is this about Sarah Lawrence? You punishing me? I thought you were punishing me. +I thought you were punishing me. Why can't we agree on this? +Why can't we agree on this? Because you're making decisions for me. +Because you're making decisions for me. As a parent, that's my right +As a parent, that's my right So what I want doesn't matter? +So what I want doesn't matter? You're eighteen. You don't know what you want. You won't know until you're forty-five and you don't have it. +You're eighteen. You don't know what you want. You won't know until you're forty-five and you don't have it. I want to go to an East Coast school! I want you to trust me to make my own choices. I want -- +Was that your sister? Yeah. She left with some bikers Big ones. Full of sperm. +Yeah. She left with some bikers Big ones. Full of sperm. Funny. +I don't understand the allure of dehydrated food. Is this something I should be hip to? No, Daddy. +No, Daddy. So tell me about this dance. Was it fun? +So tell me about this dance. Was it fun? Parts of it. +Parts of it. Which parts? +Which parts? The part where Bianca beat the hell out of some guy. +The part where Bianca beat the hell out of some guy. Bianca did what? +Bianca did what? What's the matter? Upset that I rubbed off on her? +What's the matter? Upset that I rubbed off on her? No -- impressed. +You know, fathers don't like to admit that their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still lets me play a few innings. You've had me on the bleachers for years. When you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game. When I go? +When I go? Oh, Christ. Don't tell me you've changed your mind. I already sent 'em a check. +Katarina Stratford. My, my. You've been terrorizing Ms. Blaise again. Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action. +Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action. Well, yes, compared to your other choices of expression this year, today's events are quite mild. By the way, Bobby Rictor's gonad retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested. +Well, yes, compared to your other choices of expression this year, today's events are quite mild. By the way, Bobby Rictor's gonad retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested. I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls. I was merely a spectator. +I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls. I was merely a spectator. The point is Kat -- people perceive you as somewhat ... +Tempestuous? "No ... I believe ""heinous bitch"" is the term used most often." +Am I supposed to feel better? Like, right now? Or do I have some time to think about it? Just smack her now. +Hey there. Tired of breathing? Hi. +Hi. Cool pictures. You a fan? +Cool pictures. You a fan? Yeah. I guess. +You think? Oh yeah. +Macbeth, right? Right. +Right. Kat a fan, too? +Kat a fan, too? Yeah... +Say it What? +What? Whatever the hell it is you're standin' there waitin' to say. +What plan? The situation is, my man Cameron here has a major jones for Bianca Stratford. +The situation is, my man Cameron here has a major jones for Bianca Stratford. What is it with this chick? She have three tits? +I think I speak correctly when I say that Cameron's love is pure. Purer than say -- Joey Dorsey's. Dorsey can plow whoever he wants. I'm just in this for the cash. +That's where we can help you. With Kat. So Dorsey can get the girl? +So Dorsey can get the girl? Patrick, Pat, you're not looking at the big picture. Joey's just a pawn. We set this whole thing up so Cameron can get the girl. +You two are gonna help me tame the wild beast? We're your guys. +What?! Good enough. +"Are you telling me I'm a - ""non-smoker""?" Just for now. +Ever been to Club Skunk? Yeah. +I prefer to think of it simply as an alternative to what the law allows. I'm likin' you guys better +So you got cozy with she who stings? No - I've got a sweet-payin' job that I'm about to lose. +You were right. She's still pissed. Sweet love, renew thy force! +Sweet love, renew thy force! Man -- don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you. +I missed you. It says here you exposed yourself to a group of freshmen girls. +It says here you exposed yourself to a group of freshmen girls. It was a bratwurst. I was eating lunch. +It was a bratwurst. I was eating lunch. With the teeth of your zipper? +I don't understand, Patrick. You haven't done anything asinine this week. Are you not feeling well? Touch of the flu. +Touch of the flu. I'm at a loss, then. What should we talk about? Your year of absence? +Why don't we discuss your driving need to be a hemorrhoid? What's to discuss? +What's to discuss? You weren't abused, you aren't stupid, and as far as I can tell, you're only slightly psychotic -- so why is it that you're such a fuck-up? +You weren't abused, you aren't stupid, and as far as I can tell, you're only slightly psychotic -- so why is it that you're such a fuck-up? Well, you know -- there's the prestige of the job title... and the benefits package is pretty good... +You're completely demented. See you next week! +In the microwave. Make anyone cry today? +What's a synonym for throbbing? Sarah Lawrence is on the other side of the country. +Jesus! Can a man even grab a sandwich before you women start dilating? Tumescent! +Tumescent! You're not helping. +Would you rather be ravished by a pirate or a British rear admiral? Pirate -- no question. +They'll dance, they'll kiss, they'll come home. Let her go. Kissing? Is that what you think happens? Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day. +What do you wanna watch? We've got crap, crap, crap or crap Dr. Ruth? +Have a great time, honey! But -- who -- what --? +What just happened? Your daughters went to the prom. +Your daughters went to the prom. Did I have anything to say about it? +Did I have anything to say about it? Absolutely not. +Absolutely not. That ' s what I thought +I never seen heat like this! Not even in Las Minas! The water's going putrid in the barrels. +The water's going putrid in the barrels. You'll be drinking your own piss... For the glory of Spain... and Admiral Colon...! Bastard! +What are you listening to, chicken ass? Ah, leave him alone. He's doing no harm. +Ah, leave him alone. He's doing no harm. With a face like that? I don't want you looking at me. You hear? +He's the devil's child... We'll all go crazy... +We should have seen land. We left three weeks ago, Alonso. Can't be that near. +We left three weeks ago, Alonso. Can't be that near. Can't be that far, I say. Also, I don't like the smell of the sea around here. Smells like a cunt. Bad sign... +You say Asia can be found by sailing west? Yes, your Eminence. The voyage should not take more than six or seven weeks. +Yes, your Eminence. The voyage should not take more than six or seven weeks. Unfortunately, Don Colon, that is precisely where our opinions differ... Are you familiar with the work of Aristotle? Erathostene? Ptolemeus? +Unfortunately, Don Colon, that is precisely where our opinions differ... Are you familiar with the work of Aristotle? Erathostene? Ptolemeus? I am, Your Eminence +I am, Your Eminence Then you cannot ignore that according to their calculations, the circumference of the Earth is approximately... 22,000 leagues or more. Which makes the ocean... uncrossable. +Senor Colon, an experienced captain such as yourself will understand our concern with the crew. I am not willing to have on my conscience the loss of men who would have relied upon our judgment. Excellency, you are right. +Your Eminence, there is only one way to settle the matter. And that is to make the journey. I am ready to risk my life to prove it possible. Your life, and that of others! +Your life, and that of others! If they agree to follow me, yes. +Trade, Your Excellency. According to Marco Polo, the Kingdom of China is one of the richest of the world. Even the meanest buildings are roofed with gold. Is that all that interests you? Gold? +Is that all that interests you? Gold? No. The Portuguese have already discovered black-skinned people. I, too, will find other populations -- and bring them to the word of God. +If God intended our proximity to Asia, do you believe he would have waited for you to show it to the world? Did He not choose a carpenter's son to reveal Himself to the world? +Don't you realize your words could be considered heretical? Blind faith is what I consider heresy! +Asia can be found to the west -- and I will prove it. IF-GOD-WILLS-IT! +The State has some reason to be interested in this man's proposition, Your Eminence... The Judgment is ours! +The Judgment is ours! Naturally. But I would really deplore the loss of such a potential opportunity for Spain for a... dispute over a point of geography. +He is a mercenary! Did he not already try to convince the King of Portugal of his absurd notions? Indeed. The world is full of mercenaries -- and states often make use of them, when it benefits them. My only concern is the welfare and prosperity of Spain. +It won't be easy to get rid of your prophet now, Don Sanchez. On the contrary, Your Eminence. It seems to me the man is preparing his own cross. +You can see for yourself. What a tragedy... what a waste of a life... +What a tragedy... what a waste of a life... A waste...? Let me tell you something, Arojaz. If your name, or mine, is ever remembered -- it will only be because of his. +I could be gone for years. I know. +I know. I haven't given you much of a life. +I haven't given you much of a life. Well... that's true. I have a child by a man who won't marry me! Who's always leaving... +Well... that's true. I have a child by a man who won't marry me! Who's always leaving... Are we going to argue? +Are we going to argue? I'd love to argue with you sometimes. But you're never here! +Perhaps I was never meant to live with a woman... I find that hard to believe. +She said yes. Thank God... +I'm not asking you to swear to anything. I don't want you to wait for me. +I don't want you to wait for me. That's something you can't decide. +Beatrix, I want to ask you something. You don't usually ask. +You don't usually ask. I can arrange for the Queen to take Fernando and Diego into her service. +God... you're so beautiful! I can't believe no other man has ever taken you away from me... They tried... but I didn't let them. +They took everything... Not everything... Do you think I care? I'm a free man again. Riches don't make a man rich, they only make him busier... +Can't you stay with us a little? I am busy inside. +What is it, now? Tell me... I can't keep my eyes off you. I would like to catch up with all the moments I didn't spend with you. +I understand that you will soon be appointing Governors for the islands? Is it not so? Forgive me, Don Bobadilla -- those positions have already been taken. +Forgive me, Don Bobadilla -- those positions have already been taken. May I ask by whom? +May I ask by whom? Bartolome and Giacomo Colon. +Don Alonso de Bobadilla. Yes... I remember... +My letters of appointment. Appointment to what? +Appointment to what? Viceroy of the West Indies. +Viceroy of the West Indies. Congratulations. Then I am free to search for the mainland. +How far from here? I am not a seaman. But I heard it is no more than a week at sea. I hope you are not too disappointed. +I am not a seaman. But I heard it is no more than a week at sea. I hope you are not too disappointed. How could I be? The mainland has been found. Exactly as I said it would. +How could I be? The mainland has been found. Exactly as I said it would. I am afraid this is not the worst news. +I want to go with you! There'll be a time. +There'll be a time. You promise? Do you swear on St. Christopher...? +Do you swear on all the Holy Saints in heaven? Yes... Yes, I do... On all of them! +I have to explore the mainland. This time with me! +How are you feeling, Fernando? Not bad. +Father... There must be a passage to that other ocean. +What are you listening to? I am not listening, Father. But I can't help hearing. +What does he say? He asks when he can come to visit you. He left his address. +He asks when he can come to visit you. He left his address. He never had one... except aboard my ships! +I want you to tell me everything you remember, Father. From the beginning. Everything. Really? God... I wouldn't know where to start... and yet... +Really? God... I wouldn't know where to start... and yet... Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. +No... No? +No? NO...! I have waited too long, fought too hard. Now you expect me to take all the risks while you take the profit! No... I will not be your servant! +I remind you, Senor Colon, that you are in no position to bargain with me. I'm not bargaining! +I'm not bargaining! Then you are too ambitious. +And were you never ambitious, Excellency? Or is ambition only a virtue among the nobles, a fault for the rest of us? If you won't accept our proposal, we'll simply find someone who will. +They don't see sin in their nakedness. They live according to nature, in a never ending summer. The islands are covered with trees, filled with blossoms and fruits. And... Forgive me, Don Colon. But what about gold? +You defend yourself admirably... ... for a commoner? +But we do have a lack of notaries. You should contact my administration. Don Bobadilla is already a judge, my Dear Don Cristobal. +Don Bobadilla is already a judge, my Dear Don Cristobal. Good! We are also in need of judges. Except there are no thieves! +You seem to have a special talent for making friends. What...? Do I have so many already? +What...? Do I have so many already? To rise so high, in so short a time, is a dangerous occupation. A little hypocrisy goes a long way. +All I have to do is call the guards. Call them. +I am not afraid of you. You are nothing but a dreamer. Look out of that window. +What do you see? Roofs... towers, palaces... spires... +Roofs... towers, palaces... spires... All of them created by people like me. +Say not here! Cuba! What is it? A tribe? An island? +What is it? A tribe? An island? Island. Far. +You come! You speak first! Tell the Chief we thank him. +Tell the Chief we thank him. Chief knows. +Chief knows. Tell him his country is very beautiful. Tell him we are leaving men here -- to build a fort. +Chief says -- how many? Thousands. +Thousands. Why? +To bring the word of God. Chief says -- he has a God. +Chief says -- he has a God. ... and also to bring medicine. +... and also to bring medicine. Chief says... +Chief says... He has medicine. Tell him we admire his people. +We will work with his people. We want peace. Ask the Chief if he understands? He understands. +He understands. Ask him if he will help. +You have to find them, Utapan. Look what they did! You did the same to your God! +Utapan, won't you speak to me? You used to know how to speak to me. You never learned how to speak my language. +Diego is a bright boy -- a pleasure to teach -- but so serious... Brothers should be raised together, Colon. Even brothers from different mothers... Father, I am doing what I think is the best for him. And he has the teacher I would have chosen for myself. +God... That's in a week! That's what it says. +That's what it says. How did you manage it? +How did you manage it? With some difficulty. I had to promise them you were not a total fool. +Why do you wish to sail west? To open a new route to Asia. At the moment there are only two ways of reaching it... +How can you be so certain? The Ocean is said to be infinite. Ignorance! I believe the Indies are no more than 750 leagues west of the Canary Islands. +Ignorance! I believe the Indies are no more than 750 leagues west of the Canary Islands. How can you be so certain? +How can you be so certain? The calculations of Toscanelli Marin de Tyr, Esdras... +The calculations of Toscanelli Marin de Tyr, Esdras... Esdras is a Jew. +Esdras is a Jew. So was Christ! +Two minutes... and already you're a dead man. Don't let passion overwhelm you, Colon. I'll try to remember that, Marchena... +I'll try to remember that, Marchena... Father Marchena! +Father Marchena! Passion is something one cannot control! +Passion is something one cannot control! You get so carried away when you are being contradicted! +You get so carried away when you are being contradicted! I've been contradicted all my life... Eternity! +I've been contradicted all my life... Eternity! Only God knows the meaning of such words, my son. +You mustn't give way to despair. You must wait. Wait! I've waited seven years already! How much longer do you want me to wait? +Wait! I've waited seven years already! How much longer do you want me to wait? If God intends you to go, then you will go. +If God intends you to go, then you will go. Damn God! +Colon! Damn all of you! You all set up theories based on what? You never leave the safety of your studies! Go out! Find out what the world is about and then tell me something I can listen to! +All of them! Just lies! Colon! Don't! +In Nomine Patris et Filius, et Spiritus Sancti. Forgive me, Father. For I have sinned. +I am listening, my son. Father, I have betrayed my family. I betrayed my men. And I betrayed you. +Father, I have betrayed my family. I betrayed my men. And I betrayed you. What are you saying? +What are you saying? I lied. The journey will be longer than I said. +I lied. The journey will be longer than I said. How long? +How long? I am not sure... It could be twice the distance. +May God forgive you...! You must tell them! You must tell your men! If I tell them, they won't follow me. You know that I am right, Father. You trust me... +If I tell them, they won't follow me. You know that I am right, Father. You trust me... My son, my son... Your certitudes are sometimes frightening... Christopher, you must speak to them. And if you don't I will. +My son, my son... Your certitudes are sometimes frightening... Christopher, you must speak to them. And if you don't I will. You are bound by an oath, Father. +I believed in you... Give me absolution. +I suppose we're both old men now. You'll always be older than me, Father. +I have to disagree. I knew you would. +I knew you would. New worlds create new people. +New worlds create new people. Oh? So you are a new man? +Oh? So you are a new man? I don't know... I have the impression that I didn't change that much. I still can't accept the world as it is! +I should not even be listening to you, since my council said no. But Santangel tells me you are a man of honor and sincerity... And Sanchez, that you are not a fool. No more than the woman who said she would take Granada from the Moors. +The ocean is uncrossable? What did they say about Granada before today? +What did they say about Granada before today? That she was impregnable. +I cannot ignore the verdict of my council. Surely you can do anything you want. +May I speak freely? You show no inclination to speak otherwise! +You show no inclination to speak otherwise! "I know what I see. I see someone who doesn't accept the world as it is. Who's not afraid. I see a women who thinks... ""What if?""..." +"I know what I see. I see someone who doesn't accept the world as it is. Who's not afraid. I see a women who thinks... ""What if?""..." A woman? +How old are you, Senor Colon? Thirty seven, Your Majesty... And you? +Do they have such thoughts? They come and go as naked as the day God created them... +But without your brothers. Nor are you to return to Santo Domingo or any of the other colonies. You may explore the continent. Thank you. +Thank you. There is one thing I'd like to understand... Why do you want to go back, after all this? +There is one thing I'd like to understand... Why do you want to go back, after all this? Your Majesty -- some men are content to read about things. I must see them with my own eyes. I cannot be other than I am. +And you say this is an Indian vice? By God! I don't see any kind of pleasure that would make this a sin. The Indians have no such word, Don Moxica. +We lost cousins, friends. We will wash this in blood. If you want to keep your head on your shoulders, you'll do as I say. +You want a war? Fine. We are a thousand. They outnumber us by ten! Who will you kill? Which tribe? We don't need to know. +We don't need to know. We came here to stay! To build! Not to start a crusade. In this forest, there is enough danger to sweep us away in days! So we will be brave and swallow our grief. And in the name of those who died, we will accomplish what we came for. +We can't raise the wheel without it. My horse doesn't work. +Don Moxica -- we all have to work. You did not hear me, Don Colon. Not my horse. +In one act of brutality, you have created chaos. Tribes who were fighting each other are now joining forces against us! All that because of your criminal savagery! Savagery is what monkeys understand. +Savagery is what monkeys understand. You'll be held in detention, deprived of your privileges and possessions. Until you are returned to Spain where you will be judged. Have you anything to say? +You'll be held in detention, deprived of your privileges and possessions. Until you are returned to Spain where you will be judged. Have you anything to say? You will regret this. +Due west, Captain Mendez. And may God be with us... God be with us admiral. +Well... It's the men, Sir. They wonder how you know our position. We've lost sight from land days ago... And what do you think Mendez? +And what do you think Mendez? Well, I surely know what a quadrant is! But I've never seen it used at night before. +Well, I surely know what a quadrant is! But I've never seen it used at night before. Come over here. +What do you read? Twenty eight. +What's he doing? He's drawing an isthmus... He's saying we're on an isthmus. +He's drawing an isthmus... He's saying we're on an isthmus. We can't be. +Where can I meet this man? Immediately. +You lied! You cheated! We're way past 750 leagues! Six days ago, yes. +Six days ago, yes. You must be mad...! +You must be mad...! We have to keep the hopes of these men alive! +We have to keep the hopes of these men alive! We're on the verge of a mutiny, Colon! +We're on the verge of a mutiny, Colon! You think I don't know that? +You think I don't know that? We're lost! +We're lost! The land is there. I know it! +The land is there. I know it! You don't know anything! Listen Colon, these are my ships, right? So I'm telling you we're turning back! +You don't know anything! Listen Colon, these are my ships, right? So I'm telling you we're turning back! And then what? Half of the water has gone, the rest is nearly putrid! You know that! +And then what? Half of the water has gone, the rest is nearly putrid! You know that! Jesus Maria! I should have never listened to you! +Jesus Maria! I should have never listened to you! You never did. You did all the talking for both of us, remember? +You never did. You did all the talking for both of us, remember? You bloody... +You bloody... Pinzon, Pinzon... All we can do now is go forward! Think about that! +Pinzon, Pinzon... All we can do now is go forward! Think about that! You tell that to them! +You tell that to them! You're right. Let the men decide. +Is that the man I knew, Treasurer Sanchez? Yes, Your Majesty. +You were right, Don Sanchez... His demands could never be granted. Never, Your Majesty. Although... +... Into a monk... Yes. It would be a pity, wouldn't it? Call him back! +Every ship returns with a cargo of sick and dying. But with no gold! The new world proves expensive, Your Majesty. We weren't expecting immediate profits, were we? We must have faith. We must give time for time. +... But there is worse. He ordered the execution of five members of the nobility... Is this true, Brother Buyl? +Then, what do you suggest, Don Sanchez? He must be replaced. +He must be replaced. And who would you think of, for such a task? +I know, I should not tolerate his impertinence. Then why? +Then why? Because he is not afraid of me. +Are you my attorney? I'm Emil. I'm insane. I'm not your lawyer until I see the money. +I'm not your lawyer until I see the money. Here. I have your money. +Oh no! No! Shit! Emil. Take it easy. Stay with me. Sit down. What do you need? What are you looking for? +Emil. Take it easy. Stay with me. Sit down. What do you need? What are you looking for? He has the camera! He took the movie! +Don't say anything. Where are we going? +Where are we going? I'm coming with you. +I'm coming with you. Yes. Yes, come with me! +Yes. Yes, come with me! I'm invoking rights - this man is represented by counsel. I'm coming with him. +I brought you some letters. It's really fan mail. Women mostly. One wants to buy you clothes, another sent a check. Another wants a check. You bring the cigarettes? +You bring the cigarettes? Oh, sure. +...delusions and paranoia. I was all of these. +I was all of these. Well, you didn't appreciate the severity of it until recently. No question about that. +Well, you didn't appreciate the severity of it until recently. No question about that. What about Oleg? +What about Oleg? Disappeared. They're looking everywhere. Maybe he went back to Czechoslovakia. +Disappeared. They're looking everywhere. Maybe he went back to Czechoslovakia. No, he is here. Shit... +No, he is here. Shit... Don't worry about him. Think about yourself. +Don't worry about him. Think about yourself. What about my movie rights? Book rights? +What about my movie rights? Book rights? Look, I haven't really focused on that kind of thing. +Look, I haven't really focused on that kind of thing. What's your cut? How much? +What's your cut? How much? I would say...half. Half is fair. +I would say...half. Half is fair. No. No way. +No. No way. But it's... +But it's... Thirty-percent. No more. Or I call another lawyer. This is the biggest case of your life. Don't try to negotiate. Thirty percent. Say yes or no. +Thirty-percent. No more. Or I call another lawyer. This is the biggest case of your life. Don't try to negotiate. Thirty percent. Say yes or no. This is not about money, Emil. I need your trust in me. +This is not about money, Emil. I need your trust in me. What else do you need? +What else do you need? I need to know about your background. I need to know about your upbringing. Why you're here. +I need to know about your background. I need to know about your upbringing. Why you're here. Give me another one, please. +Tell me about yourself. What you did as a young boy... what your parents were like. My father always degraded me. Killed my self-esteem. And my mother was blind. +My father always degraded me. Killed my self-esteem. And my mother was blind. Your mother was blind? +Your mother was blind? Yeah, she went blind giving birth to me. She went to fucking black market doctor to induce me. +Yeah, she went blind giving birth to me. She went to fucking black market doctor to induce me. Back in the Czech Republic? +Back in the Czech Republic? Yeah, yeah...bad doctor gave her bad drugs which made her go blind. And my father blamed me for her blindness... +Yeah, yeah...bad doctor gave her bad drugs which made her go blind. And my father blamed me for her blindness... Your father blamed you for your mother's blindness? +Your father blamed you for your mother's blindness? Yeah, he hated me from day when I was born. Put it out. Can you put the cigarette out? +That's what he did to me. He put cigarettes out on me. Your father put cigarettes out on you? +Your father put cigarettes out on you? Out on my back when I was a small boy. +Out on my back when I was a small boy. Can I see your back? +I'm abused. Don't you think? I don't think it's abuse, I think it's torture. +...so we kill someone famous and if we are caught, we are sent to mental hospital... Officers, there's your killer, do your duty, arrest him! +...my little sister and I shared a flat - I came home one night and a man was raping her. His gun was on the chair... He came at me and I shot him. Alright. That's a justifiable homicide. +Alright. That's a justifiable homicide. Yes, but he was a cop. +Now I become custody of police department? If you cooperate with the DA - maybe they'll help you with your situation. +If you cooperate with the DA - maybe they'll help you with your situation. I will if they don't send me back. +I will if they don't send me back. They won't until this is over. +Are you married? Divorced. +Divorced. Do you live alone? I've been in these clothes since...the killings. Could we stop at your place? I could take a shower...before I go into custody? +I can't take you to my place. Somewhere else? +The men are out of quarters - practicing putting out fires. So...the station is empty? +So...the station is empty? Yeah. This way. +You considered becoming a prostitute? Yes, I considered it. +Yes, I considered it. Did you ever turn tricks before? +Did you ever turn tricks before? No. +No. What about back home? +What about back home? No. +I came here. I had no money. I knew no one. I couldn't get a job because you have to have a green card to get work. They approached me - I could've made a lot of money. I considered it, but... it's not who I am. They pay me below the table at Ludwig's. So you were never a prostitute? +So you were never a prostitute? What are you asking me? +What are you asking me? I'm just trying to find out who you are. +I'm not a whore. I'm not a whore. I know. +I know. You don't know. I'm sorry. I was desperate. That's not me. I shot a cop. Can you imagine what they'll do to me when I got to prison? +You don't know. I'm sorry. I was desperate. That's not me. I shot a cop. Can you imagine what they'll do to me when I got to prison? They're not gonna send you right back. +They're not gonna send you right back. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...I'm glad. Actually I'm glad it's over. All this time. Hiding. Never being able to look anyone in the eyes. Always afraid that someone would find out who I was. Never trusting anyone... +Are you alright? I still can't believe Eddie's gone. +I still can't believe Eddie's gone. I'm sorry. +Is he your boyfriend? Ludwig? He's gay - are you jealous? +Ludwig? He's gay - are you jealous? If I was your boyfriend, I might be. +If I was your boyfriend, I might be. If you were my boyfriend, I'd suggest you find another girlfriend that isn't going to jail ten-thousand miles away. +A good Immigration lawyer could stall the process. Eddie recommended one. No matter what happens...I'm glad I met you. +No matter what happens...I'm glad I met you. I'm glad I met you. +You better get packed. Right. +Do you have coffee? In the kitchen. +In the kitchen. I'll make some for us. +I'll make some for us. I'll get my clothes. +What are you doing? Pouring it out! +Forget about me. You have enough problems of your own. ...Do you really want me to forget about you? +...Do you really want me to forget about you? I don't want to drag you down with me. +I don't want to drag you down with me. Daphne, I... +I told your partner, I can't help. I didn't see anything. C'mon, start at the beginning. You know these people? +C'mon, start at the beginning. You know these people? Tamina was a friend of mine. My shower was broken, she let me use theirs. +Tamina was a friend of mine. My shower was broken, she let me use theirs. Go on. +Whether you tell us or not, we'll find out. Better if it comes from you. If I tell you, will you arrest me? +If I tell you, will you arrest me? Arrest you for what? Why would we arrest you? +Are you here illegally? Don't worry about that. We'll talk to Immigration. They won't deport you. No, no, don't talk to Immigration! +A cop? I'm from a small town in Slovakia. Like the South here. The Police is right, a civilian is wrong. So I fled. +I'm from a small town in Slovakia. Like the South here. The Police is right, a civilian is wrong. So I fled. Look, we can help you but right now we have to deal with what's happening here. Tell us the truth...is that the truth? +Look, we can help you but right now we have to deal with what's happening here. Tell us the truth...is that the truth? You're a cop - you'll never believe me. +Oh. It was my decision, not his. +It was my decision, not his. Well, I'm the Deputy Chief Fire Marshall and every now and then I'd like to be included in decisions. +Well, I'm the Deputy Chief Fire Marshall and every now and then I'd like to be included in decisions. Look, after Jordy briefs me, you can do the press conference. How about that? The case is all yours. +Look, after Jordy briefs me, you can do the press conference. How about that? The case is all yours. Oh yeah...? Alright. +Oh yeah...? Alright. I'm ready to be briefed. Excuse us. +I'm ready to be briefed. Excuse us. Yeah, sure. Beep me when you're ready for the press conference. +Who did cause and origin? Who do you think, Chief?! +Who do you think, Chief?! Then why didn't you talk to the reporter? +Then why didn't you talk to the reporter? 'Cause we got more important things to do, like finding out who did it. +Hey, Chief, what are you doing here? I came to see how the investigation was going. I called and you're not here. I wait up at the station and you don't even show up!!! I beep you - you don't return my call. Where the hell have you been?! +Ladder 20 was on the Rock for training. We stopped there... so she could get cleaned up. What do you mean, 'cleaned up?' +What do you mean, 'cleaned up?' I let her take a shower. +I let her take a shower. A shower!? Did you take one, too? +A shower!? Did you take one, too? No! Nothing happened. +No! Nothing happened. Oh really. That's nice. You took a homicide witness to take a shower after your partner was shot? Are you out of your fucking mind?? Are you having that much trouble gettin' dates?! +Chief - mind if I take her? Okay. But not water sports. +The public doesn't have any idea what we do and now you're going to define our image! This is going to be our Rodney King! What was I supposed to do? The guy tried to mug me. I was gonna send a cop back - I just forgot. +What was I supposed to do? The guy tried to mug me. I was gonna send a cop back - I just forgot. Forgot? You handcuffed a civilian to a tree?! +Forgot? You handcuffed a civilian to a tree?! Chief - I know I screwed up - but this guy was no innocent civilian. +Chief - I know I screwed up - but this guy was no innocent civilian. Well this is gonna end your career and probably mine. +Well this is gonna end your career and probably mine. End my career? +End my career? How are you going to fight this? Maybe if Oleg hadn't gotten away and you'd been on the front page, as a hero, this thing would be easier to fight. You'd have the good to weight against the bad! It's unfortunate that I have to make decisions based upon your press coverage but there's nothing I can do! Gimme your shield. +How are you going to fight this? Maybe if Oleg hadn't gotten away and you'd been on the front page, as a hero, this thing would be easier to fight. You'd have the good to weight against the bad! It's unfortunate that I have to make decisions based upon your press coverage but there's nothing I can do! Gimme your shield. But Chief? Over this?? +But Chief? Over this?? There's nothing to talk about. Get a good lawyer. You're suspended until your trial. +Don't you guys understand? It's all about image. The better we look the more money I get to pay you guys overtime. Yeah, right. +Yeah, right. What was that, Korfin? +What was that, Korfin? I said, yeah, you're right, Chief. As soon as we get somethin' we'll let you alert the media. +I said, yeah, you're right, Chief. As soon as we get somethin' we'll let you alert the media. You do that, wiseguy. Now let's solve this thing before Eddie Flemming does. +Did the D.A. videotape her deposition? Yeah. He finished awhile ago. +Yeah. He finished awhile ago. Alright. Swing by her apartment. Let her pick up her clothes and take her straight to Hoover Street. You got that? +Alright. Swing by her apartment. Let her pick up her clothes and take her straight to Hoover Street. You got that? Yeah. +Coffee for me, I gotta slow down. Vodka tonic. +Vodka tonic. Maybe you could just put in a shot of Martell? +It was freaky, I'll tell you. Stupid kid. What's the kid gonna say - sorry? Meanwhile I'm not here anymore. Like last week - we were at the morgue and this guy was all chopped up - spleen here - liver there - his heart in a pan. Six hours ago this guy was walkin' his dog or buyin' a quart of milk. Who knows? But some kid's robbed him for $3 or some shit and shot him and now you can't tell if he's a piece of beef or a human being and I'm thinkin' that's me. Sooner or later. That's me. +I'm gonna propose. When? +When? Tomorrow. At lunch. +Tomorrow. At lunch. You ready? +What's he looking for? A timer. +Where is she? Takin' a bath. +Takin' a bath. Any I.D.? +Any I.D.? Still unknown but we're running prints. Kid over there caught the case. +Sorry...PD only. It's okay. +Only one guys checked in? Yeah. +Yeah. C'mere. You wanna go to homicide school? Here - make yourself useful. +The other side of the street. The guy with the videocamera. Don't look - put her in the car. Stay this side. Stay with her. +Are you hit? No. I'm okay. +He got my gun! Motherfucker was filming the whole time! I know. Relax. Take it easy. Don't worry, we'll get those fuckers. +Who's there? Police. We'd like to ask you a few questions. +Police. We'd like to ask you a few questions. I have nothin' to say. If you wanna contact my attorney... +I have nothin' to say. If you wanna contact my attorney... Homicide, Miss Hearn. It's Detective Eddie Flemming. Open up. +What's wrong? We don't have her I.D. yet, but one of your girls was killed last night at the King Edward Hotel. +We don't have her I.D. yet, but one of your girls was killed last night at the King Edward Hotel. Oh my G-d. Honey! Honey's dead? +Yeah. He wanted a girl from Czechoslovakia, but I sent him Honey 'cause once they get there, you know, it doesn't really matter - Honey was killed...? Poor girl... Do you have any Czech girls working for you? +Do you have any Czech girls working for you? No. +No. Did you tell him you did? +Boy, she's so popular all the sudden. What are you saying? +What are you saying? Daphne. Another guy came in asking me about her, too. +He said he was her cousin. I told him where she works. They were just here. Describe him. +Describe him. Tall, short-haired, scary eyes. Second guy with him was...shorter, with a wrestler's build. And he wouldn't turn his videocamera off me. +Tall, short-haired, scary eyes. Second guy with him was...shorter, with a wrestler's build. And he wouldn't turn his videocamera off me. He had a videocamera? Where is she? Quickly! +He had a videocamera? Where is she? Quickly! She washes hair up at Ludwig's - a salon on 63rd and Madison. +Hey, that's great you guys got it all wrapped up, but you don't mind if we go through the routine? It gives us somethin' to do. No, we don't mind. You mind Leon? +You know what that is, right? No, what is it? +No, what is it? Why don't you explain it, Bobby. Hey Camello! You mind punching a hole in the floor? +It's your crime scene now. You can do what you want. Watch the news? +Watch the news? Nah, I musta missed it. +Nah, I musta missed it. Well, just so you know. I gave you guys the credit. +Well, just so you know. I gave you guys the credit. Well, just so you know, I don't care about that stuff. +Well, just so you know, I don't care about that stuff. Nah, why should you? +Nah, why should you? I don't even watch TV. +I don't even watch TV. Good. Good. Commendable. +Did you get a report from the M.E.? Sure. But I would like to ask you something. You got a problem with me? +Sure. But I would like to ask you something. You got a problem with me? If you found me steppin' on your crime scene - it might piss you off, too. What about the report? +If you found me steppin' on your crime scene - it might piss you off, too. What about the report? You were right, they were both dead before the fire. The male was stabbed so hard the killer broke off the tip of the knife in his spine. That's usually an indicator of something personal. +The Super said he'd seen her before but she didn't live here. Pretty. +Pretty. Hmmmm. +Hmmmm. Maybe you don't care about that either. Prettiest suspect I've had in awhile. +Maybe you don't care about that either. Prettiest suspect I've had in awhile. Who says she's a suspect? +What would you call her? Look, I'm not even sure she has anything to do with this. I saw her outside after the fire - thought it was a lead. Maybe she saw something. Maybe she was visiting somebody here. Who knows? +Maybe it's a ritual thing or someone trying to send a message. Burial rites are taken very seriously in Eastern Europe. It could be to humiliate them. Just burning them up, no proper funeral, it's like condemning them to hell. Eastern Europe. Like what? Romania? Hungary? +Eastern Europe. Like what? Romania? Hungary? Or Czechoslovakia. The Slavs have been fighting the Germans and the Russians for a thousand years. These are very intense people and they take things personally. +I'll come with you. There wasn't a fire. There'll be nothing for you to do. +There wasn't a fire. There'll be nothing for you to do. I can watch you, Eddie. Maybe I'll learn something. +I can watch you, Eddie. Maybe I'll learn something. This isn't homicide school. +This isn't homicide school. My parents are from Poland. I can help with the Eastern European angle. +My parents are from Poland. I can help with the Eastern European angle. You're Polish? +You're Polish? My folks are. +My folks are. Stay here. +You goin' to the escort service? You got any better ideas? +You got any better ideas? Mind if I ride along with you? +Mind if I ride along with you? This has nothing to do with your fire. +This has nothing to do with your fire. But what if it does? You might need my help. +I'll let you know what happens. This is ridiculous. I'm not gonna be in your way - we can talk the case over. +This is ridiculous. I'm not gonna be in your way - we can talk the case over. Tell you what - I'll flip you a coin. If you win you can come with me. If you don't win, you don't come. +Tell you what - I'll flip you a coin. If you win you can come with me. If you don't win, you don't come. I'll call it... tails. +Two heads. Better than one. +Leon - meet us at 63rd and Madison. Hair salon. Ludwig's. I'm on my way with Eddie. Ludwig's. 63rd and Madison. The suspects might be there already. +You thirsty? I'm on duty. +I'm on duty. So am I. Alright, I'll go inside and you cover the back. +So am I. Alright, I'll go inside and you cover the back. Of course. +Of course. Hey! I always wanted to be a cop when I was a kid. I dreamed of running up to a door, kicking it in, pulling my gun and yelling 'Freeze!' at the bad guy! What'd you dream about? +Hey! I always wanted to be a cop when I was a kid. I dreamed of running up to a door, kicking it in, pulling my gun and yelling 'Freeze!' at the bad guy! What'd you dream about? I wanted to run up to a building on fire, kick in the door, rush into the smoke and save a kid. +I wanted to run up to a building on fire, kick in the door, rush into the smoke and save a kid. Then I guess we're doin' this the right way, aren't we? If we pull up to a burning building I'll gladly let you go first. +What are you hiding? Why are you afraid She just saw two of her friends killed! They probably threatened her. +She just saw two of her friends killed! They probably threatened her. Is that all there is? +Why not? Something back home? +She's fucked. Even if that story is true. Raw deal. +Look - let me talk to her. Any leads I get, they're all yours. Just let me have a first crack at her. You wanna talk to her alone? +You wanna talk to her alone? Yeah. +Yeah. What would your girlfriend think of that? +What would your girlfriend think of that? I don't have a girlfriend. +I don't have a girlfriend. My point exactly. +My point exactly. I'm serious here. +I'm serious here. So am I. +So am I. C'mon. You intimidate her 'cause you're a celebrity. She sees me differently. +C'mon. You intimidate her 'cause you're a celebrity. She sees me differently. You're her Savior? Is she the kid you're gonna save from the burning building? +You're her Savior? Is she the kid you're gonna save from the burning building? You know what I'm saying here. +Okay, tell you what, I'll give you a head start. You take her to the station house. Don't let her out of your sight. She's the only warm body we got left. Hey. I'm a professional. +Hey. I'm a professional. Women like that have a way of turning professionals into amateurs. +Look, Eddie, I'm tellin' you - I didn't touch her. Well, you shoulda because nobody's gonna believe you didn't...including me. +Well, you shoulda because nobody's gonna believe you didn't...including me. I took her there for a shower and that's it. +I took her there for a shower and that's it. Just a shower? +Yeah, just her in the shower. Nothing happened. Look, I'm sure you probably think I'm a fool and I fucked up, but... No, I don't think you were a fool, I just think you were stupid about it. I mean, to say the least, you outta know better. You don't know her well enough. She's got the potential to fucking hang you even if she suggests that you made a pass at her, it's fuckin' over. You can deny it all you want, but it will not make one fucking bit of difference. You're dead. +No, I don't think you were a fool, I just think you were stupid about it. I mean, to say the least, you outta know better. You don't know her well enough. She's got the potential to fucking hang you even if she suggests that you made a pass at her, it's fuckin' over. You can deny it all you want, but it will not make one fucking bit of difference. You're dead. I told you, you know, I thought I was doing the right thing, you know, I think she's innocent. +I told you, you know, I thought I was doing the right thing, you know, I think she's innocent. Well, it's not up to you to decide whether she's innocent or not. Don't you understand, that's why you're a professional. +Well, it's not up to you to decide whether she's innocent or not. Don't you understand, that's why you're a professional. But, I mean, didn't you ever go out on a limb for somebody? I mean, you shoulda heard her there. Tellin' her whole story...I believed her. +But, I mean, didn't you ever go out on a limb for somebody? I mean, you shoulda heard her there. Tellin' her whole story...I believed her. How you go out on a limb for somebody is by giving her a number of an Immigration lawyer. Here, here's a number of an Immigration lawyer. That's how you help her. But you can't get involved in her like that. You're gonna jeopardize your career, your life and you're gonna jeopardize my case. And lemme give you another piece of advice. Maybe you don't watch TV but I'll let you in on a little secret - the whole fuckin' world watches television. And when you get out there, they know your face. And the little fame, the little fuckin' itty bitty fame that I get in this city makes it a lot easier for my job. And I get more done because of it. +Why'd you help me back there with the Chief? Why'd you stand up for me like that? You know, I don't know. I like you. You remind me of a puppy I used to have. He pissed on the rug all the time, but I still kept him. +So...who's Nicky? What do you want? +What do you want? Your opinion. You see, they going to make a movie about me, too, Eddie. And write books. +Your opinion. You see, they going to make a movie about me, too, Eddie. And write books. What's your accomplishment. +What's your accomplishment. I kill someone famous. +I kill someone famous. Then do it, asshole. +Then do it, asshole. Good - be tough to the end. Actor who plays you will want to die like hero. +So tabloids don't have to do re enactments. They going to have real movie this time. If you kill me and film it you're putting a noose around your neck. +You really think you'll be able to fool a jury with this bullshit? How fuckin' stupid are you? Smarter than Americans. You're fed cry baby talk shows all day long. Not only will Americans believe me, they'll cry for me. So...Detective Eddie Flemming, would you like to say goodbye to your Nicolette? Maybe you can propose to her now? +Detective, does it look like a murder? We don't know that yet. It's much too early. There's a lot to be done. +We don't know that yet. It's much too early. There's a lot to be done. How many victims are up there? +How many victims are up there? There are two bodies found at this point. +There are two bodies found at this point. Can we go up to the crime scene? +Can we go up to the crime scene? You know you can't do that. C'mon. +You know you can't do that. C'mon. Is it drug related? +Is it drug related? We don't know. When I have more I'll let you know. +Detective - can you tell us what happened here? I can't talk right now. We have some things to take care of. +I understand, but I noticed that the Fire Marshall is here with you. Is this somehow related to the fire department? I really can't give out any information right now at this point. +I really can't give out any information right now at this point. Okay. But I do understand that your partner, Leon Jackson's been injured. Is that correct? +Okay. But I do understand that your partner, Leon Jackson's been injured. Is that correct? He was hurt, but not seriously. He'll be fine. +He was hurt, but not seriously. He'll be fine. Do you have the suspect in custody? +Do you have the suspect in custody? Um...now is not a good time, okay. Detective Jackson's hurt. He's fine. I've got a Fire Marshall shot, Detective Jackson is hurt but not seriously. +Um...now is not a good time, okay. Detective Jackson's hurt. He's fine. I've got a Fire Marshall shot, Detective Jackson is hurt but not seriously. Alright, cut, cut, cut. +Eddie, are you okay? Yeah. Now's not a good time. +Yeah. Now's not a good time. Alright. +Alright. Alright? +Alright? Alright. +Alright. Alright. +Alright. Okay. +Hey, honey. Hey. +What is your problem? Why'd you snap at me? I just wanted a statement. I can't...I can't answer you just because you want me to answer you! +I can't...I can't answer you just because you want me to answer you! You didn't have to embarrass me in front of my colleagues. You could give me something. +You didn't have to embarrass me in front of my colleagues. You could give me something. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I embarrass you, sweetheart? Oh... +Oh, I'm sorry. Did I embarrass you, sweetheart? Oh... Stop it. +Stop it. Maybe I should just, ya know...turn to the cameras and say, do you mind if we just work something out? +Maybe I should just, ya know...turn to the cameras and say, do you mind if we just work something out? Alright, alright, Eddie. Don't patronize me. +Alright, alright, Eddie. Don't patronize me. I'm not. +I'm not. Yes you are. I'm not just some reporter. I don't just stick a microphone in your face. You could give me something. +Yes you are. I'm not just some reporter. I don't just stick a microphone in your face. You could give me something. Yeah, well you took the camera and put it right down on the evidence. That was... +Yeah, well you took the camera and put it right down on the evidence. That was... That was good. You were holding the evidence. +That was good. You were holding the evidence. You were merciless. You didn't give a shit if you got me or not. +You were merciless. You didn't give a shit if you got me or not. Well, who was it that taught me how to do that? Huh? +Well, who was it that taught me how to do that? Huh? You're ruthless. +You're ruthless. You're not so bad yourself. +Look at this. You have blood on your shirt. Whose is it? Could be Leon's. +Could be Leon's. Jesus. And last week you came over with blood on your shoes. What am I going to do with you? +Don't worry about the damn phone. I won't answer it. Answer the phone. +Answer the phone. No. Tell me what you want to say. +No. Tell me what you want to say. Answer it. +Answer it. Okay. Okay. Hold that thought just for a second. They only call me when it's an emergency. Just hold that thought. Can you call back? +Oh my G-d, they want me to anchor. They want me to anchor tonight! That's good. +That's good. Yeah. +Yeah. Well, that's great. +Well, that's great. Okay. That is great. But I can't go now, we're in the middle of something here. +Okay. That is great. But I can't go now, we're in the middle of something here. No. Go ahead. You're gonna be great. +No. Go ahead. You're gonna be great. No. No, listen to me here. I want to know what you're talking about. You know, the shoe thing and the marriages and... +No. No, listen to me here. I want to know what you're talking about. You know, the shoe thing and the marriages and... I'll tell you tonight. Let's do it tonight. As soon as you get back we'll talk. We'll talk. +I'll tell you tonight. Let's do it tonight. As soon as you get back we'll talk. We'll talk. Promise? +Promise? I promise. We'll talk. You'll be great. You'll be fine. Go ahead, just imagine that, uh... Just look into the lens and imagine you're talking to me. +I promise. We'll talk. You'll be great. You'll be fine. Go ahead, just imagine that, uh... Just look into the lens and imagine you're talking to me. Yeah. I'll do that. As long as you're not patronizing me. +Yeah. I'll do that. As long as you're not patronizing me. Patronizing you... Nay, I love you. +Patronizing you... Nay, I love you. I love you. +Okay, til tonight. Tonight. +Tonight. You promise? +You promise? Yeah. I promise. +Yeah. I promise. Okay. And you know what, I'll swing by my place, grab a couple pairs of shoes and maybe just test them out next to yours...How's that... Would that be a good thing. +Okay. And you know what, I'll swing by my place, grab a couple pairs of shoes and maybe just test them out next to yours...How's that... Would that be a good thing. Yeah, yeah. Good thing. +Yeah, yeah. Good thing. Okay. +Okay. See you later. Good luck. +See you later. Good luck. Thank you. +Thank you. Don't be late. +So we're waitin' to hit this warrant - we got Emergency Service with the heavy weapons standin' by - ready to go. I say, lemme get a cigar outta the car. I go to get the cigar and BOOM! All the sudden I turn around and a kid with a shotgun let one go. Right where I was standin'. That coulda been it. I coulda had my head blown off and for what? Some stupid kid got panicky, takes the safety off and it's over. If I hadn't gone back for that cigar - for a bad habit - I would've had my head blown off. Jesus Christ. +Sooner or later that's everybody. Not chopped up. Not chopped up like that. I mean, what do I got left? Coupla articles. A medal or two. Plaque here and there and in a coupla years no one remembers me anymore. +Not chopped up. Not chopped up like that. I mean, what do I got left? Coupla articles. A medal or two. Plaque here and there and in a coupla years no one remembers me anymore. I think you're getting a little moody there, Eddie. +I think you're getting a little moody there, Eddie. I'm not moody. +How old are your kids? My kids? Let's see...Susan's 15. Aundrea's 9. Don't tell me you're thinking about having a kid! How old are you? Never mind. Let me just tell you this: Every stupid cliche you hear about kids - they change your life, they make you a better person, they make you whole... It's all true! Before I had kids when friends talked about their kids, I wanted to vomit. Now -- I get it. Am I right, Leon? +So what's unique? Not what. Who. +He's from Antigua. His girlfriend was taking too long to put her make-up on. they were late for a party. Stabbed her with a beer bottle. That's unique. +That's unique. Yeah. And he still went to the party. +I hope this prick doesn't run. My knees are killing me. Stay behind me. You're worried for my safety. I'm touched. +Ready? Keep them out of my way. +Keep them out of my way. Okay. You ready? +Okay. You ready? Yeah, yeah. Jesus. +Any chance we can do that again? Again? I didn't wanna do it the first time. +Okay. You work in a vodka factory. I understand that. And what kind of work do you do? I am butcher. +I am butcher. You're a butcher? What do you use pig intestines for? +You're a butcher? What do you use pig intestines for? You stuff sausage in it. +You stuff sausage in it. And what do you do with the bones? +And what do you do with the bones? Dog food. +Are you married? No. Are you proposing? +Come to 45 Broadway. Don't bring the Police. Come alone or you'll be in my next film. Look asshole. I've been threatened by better than you. +Look asshole. I've been threatened by better than you. No. I'm the best that's ever threatened you. +No. I'm the best that's ever threatened you. I'll meet you on one condition - I get exclusivity and you surrender to me. +I'll meet you on one condition - I get exclusivity and you surrender to me. We'll talk about that. Four o'clock gives you time to go to bank. Three hundred thousand dollars. +We'll talk about that. Four o'clock gives you time to go to bank. Three hundred thousand dollars. What? It doesn't work that way. +What? It doesn't work that way. If you don't want my film - I'll call another show. And they will show it. +If you don't want my film - I'll call another show. And they will show it. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. +Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Come alone. Bring cash. And we'll talk about surrendering. +Were you a fireman? That how you knew how to rig the apartment? My father was. He gave me many lessons about fire. Now it's my friend. +My father was. He gave me many lessons about fire. Now it's my friend. Tommy, take a walk. +You can't kill me. You're not a cop. Just fireman with a gun. I bet you never shot anybody in your life. You'll be my first. +C'mon. Pull the trigger. Do it. Oh, look, you're sweating. You don't have the balls. Get down on your knees. +Where's your partner? The Sheraton! On Broadway! Room 210. Go get Oleg. He'll kill you. +Tell him to put his gun down! Let her go! Let her go!! +Let her go! Let her go!! If he doesn't lower his gun I'll fucking kill her. +Hi, I'm Honey. Where's Czech girl? +Where's Czech girl? Baby, I'm anybody you want me to be. I'm a little schoolgirl, I'm mommy, I'm a Czech girl. +Now I like to get business out of the way before we get down to pleasure. Why don'tchya put my money on the dresser. I ordered a Czech girl. Daphne, you know her? +It's an outcall service run out of an apartment. I don't meet the other girls. Aren't you gonna get undressed? Where is escort service? +Where is escort service? That's confidential. Could you put the money on the dresser? +That's confidential. Could you put the money on the dresser? I like to talk to the person who runs the service. Can you give me address? +I like to talk to the person who runs the service. Can you give me address? Look. Do we have a problem here? There's no reason to have a problem. I'm gonna make you feel real good. You wanna Czech girl? After I'm done with you, you won't miss her. Now why don't you pay me? +Listen to me. I don't want sex. Just give me the address and then you go. Look, man, I don't give a shit if you want sex or not, but you're payin' for my time. +Give me the address!! Alright, alright - don't hurt me! Please, it's in my book, in my purse! +Next. Could I see your documents, please? Yes sir. +What is your intended purpose of your visit to the United States? Two weeks holiday. +Two weeks holiday. How much money are you carrying with you? +How much money are you carrying with you? I have five-hundred dollars. +I have five-hundred dollars. Can you show me? Sir, no cameras in the FIS area! +Is he with you? Are you travelling together? Yes. +Yes. Please join us. Come on forward. +Please join us. Come on forward. Is there a problem? +Is there a problem? No, you're travelling together. I want to talk to you together. Hi, how are you? Can I take a look at your documents? Are you related? +We are both from Prague. How long are you planning to stay? +How long are you planning to stay? Two weeks. +Two weeks. I'd like to speak for himself, okay? +I'd like to speak for himself, okay? He doesn't speak English. +Who is he? New York's finest. This is his case. +This all you want? Do you know how much killer gets for movie rights? +Do you know how much killer gets for movie rights? In here, says he wants a million. +In here, says he wants a million. Million?! The killer gets one million dollars for a television interview? +Million?! The killer gets one million dollars for a television interview? Hey, tabloids paid Ted Bundy - famous serial killer - half a million for his interview. And how much you think Monica got for writing book about the President coming on to her? It pays to be a killer or a whore in this country. Look, you want magazine or not? +Hey, tabloids paid Ted Bundy - famous serial killer - half a million for his interview. And how much you think Monica got for writing book about the President coming on to her? It pays to be a killer or a whore in this country. Look, you want magazine or not? Yes. Both. +Just do what I do. Say the same thing I say. Don't open your mouth. Okay. +Don't fool around. Okay. +Did you hear what I said? I want to document my trip to America. +Look. Times Square. Just like in the movies! Don't speak Russian! +Don't speak Russian! Why? Why do I always have to speak to you in Czech? +Why? Why do I always have to speak to you in Czech? Because I don't like your ugly language. I heard enough of it in school! Now speak Czech or English. And don't fool around anymore. You almost got us thrown out! +Look. New videocameras. Color viewfinder. Image stabilization. Solarization. Night vision. We have no money. Come on. +Turn that off! Get the bags. Why should I carry your bag? I am not a dog. +Why should I carry your bag? I am not a dog. For five years I paid for your stupidness - you'll carry my bag for the rest of my life if I say so. Unless you refuse, Oleg. +What? Smell like chemicals...for smoking drugs. +Turn that fucking thing off! I'm not filming. I'm watching Milos die. It's just like a move but realer. +Speak English! You said speak Czech! +You said speak Czech! How you erase this? +How you erase this? I'll do it. Don't hurt my camera! +Whore? I'm homesick. You have Eastern European girl? A Czech girl? +Get in the bathroom! Whatever we do - we fuck her, right? +Whatever we do - we fuck her, right? Oleg, get in bathroom, stay there and shut up! +Gotta light the scene better. Now it's more moody... like a scene from THE THIRD MAN. Shut up. +Shut up. Does it hurt? +Oh, shit. I hate looking at that! Don't want to film this? +What is it? The video of Milos and Tamina - I told you to erase it. +The video of Milos and Tamina - I told you to erase it. I did. +I did. And the whore's murder? You didn't erase that either, did you? Don't lie, I won't be angry. +And the whore's murder? You didn't erase that either, did you? Don't lie, I won't be angry. Why not? +Why not? Put the camera down, Oleg. +What is that? What does it look like? It's an address book! +Let me get a shot of it. Sit down! +Sit down! This way. Hold it this way. Good. +No. We are insane. Who else but crazy men would film their murders? So we kill someone famous and if we are caught, we are sent to mental hospital. But what good is money there? Because once in hospital I say I not crazy. Just pretended to be acquitted. We see psychiatrists. They must certify we are sane and because of your - what is law called? Oh - I got it. Because of your Double Jeopardy law, we can't be tried for same crime twice. We come out free, rich and famous! Good idea! +Okay. He has nothing to say. Start the camera! Cut! +You are success story? I am success story! Why do you say I and not we? Oleg, don't be paranoid. You got a hundred-fifty thousand dollars, didn't you? I gave you half of what they gave me. Look - here we are! +In movie they make of us, who do you think would act me? The one who got caught in the bathroom. George Michael. +I'm serious. Shut up. Look! +This is my project. I say 'action.' I am the director! You are the talent. You wait for me to say 'action.' And 'action!' Bad last moment - I cut it out. +I told you to cut that out before we handed in the tape! Be quiet. Watch. +Why did you leave that stuff in about you being the director? Because I am the director. Don't you realize, if it wasn't for my film, for my talent, my idea to do this - no way would we be sitting here right now. +Because I am the director. Don't you realize, if it wasn't for my film, for my talent, my idea to do this - no way would we be sitting here right now. Your idea? I thought it was my idea. +I'm serious...this - this is a great American film. Full of violence and sex. And I want my credit. Credit? +Credit? Yes. Before we hand in the next video - I put titles on it and my credit is going to read - Directed by Oleg Razgul. +Yes. Before we hand in the next video - I put titles on it and my credit is going to read - Directed by Oleg Razgul. Yes. But there's only one problem - you want credit but the problem is - I don't share credit. +You got that? No, I don't get that! +No, I don't get that! You think you are a director? You are a fucking little, small Russian piece of shit. And I hate you. I fucking hate you. +Traitor!! No. You are the traitor. You are murderer. I am director. Action! +Emil???! Surprise! Surprise! +Your sister said she didn't know where you were so you shouldn't write to her with return address if you're hiding. Did you hurt her? +Did you hurt her? You know me...I never hurt anybody. Where's the money? +Take your eyes off her, Oleg! Look. It wasn't my fault you two were caught. It's his fault. Trying to get the bank clerk's phone number?! I wasn't going to wait!!! Milos. Get my money! +We spent it! Ha. Ha. +Ha. Ha. Look at the way we live. I'm a plumber. You think I'd be working if I had money?! +I can get you a job. A job? +A job? Yes, the money is good. +Yes, the money is good. As a plumber?! +As a plumber?! It's easy to learn. +It's easy to learn. A job?? As a plumber??? You think I come to America to work! +A job?? As a plumber??? You think I come to America to work! We started over, you can too. +We started over, you can too. You spent all the money while I was in prison? Now you tell me to get a job fixing toilets?!? +Robert...? What are you doing here? +What are you doing here? You've got a call. +You've got a call. I can't talk to anybody right now, can't you see I'm busy! I can't talk business. Hang up. Have a drink. Get her a whiskey. +I can't talk to anybody right now, can't you see I'm busy! I can't talk business. Hang up. Have a drink. Get her a whiskey. Trust me, you'll want to take this call. +Viewer discretion advised! You want the tape? There it is! +Isn't he a little moody? Of course he's moody. He thinks he's in love. +Of course he's moody. He thinks he's in love. In love? With who? +Yeah? Paulie, you've got kids, right? +And you, you'll pay for what you did! This footage will work in your favor. When the jury sees this - no matter what Cutler tries, they'll convict him. +You outta be ashamed. Ashamed of yourself. If I didn't put it on somebody else would! I was his friend! +If I didn't put it on somebody else would! I was his friend! Don't give me that fucking shit. +I know. What do you mean you know? He told you he was gonna propose to me? +What do you mean you know? He told you he was gonna propose to me? Well, he... +Well, he... I want to hear everything he said. +I want to hear everything he said. I'm trying to tell you. +I'm trying to tell you. Alright. Go ahead. +Alright. Go ahead. That morning. He was talking to me and Leon about marriage. +That morning. He was talking to me and Leon about marriage. Oh my G-d. We were having lunch here. He started making overtures - talking about little shoes next to his in his closet but I got a call to anchor - and I walked out on him. I walked out on him when he was trying to ask me to marry him!! +Yes...he's my friend. Okay. You're a Czech national and you're a Russian national. How do you know one another? +I speak English. Then answer my questions. Where were you planning to stay during the two weeks that you're here? +Then answer my questions. Where were you planning to stay during the two weeks that you're here? New York. +New York. Yes, we're in New York now. But where are you planning to stay in New York? +Yes, we're in New York now. But where are you planning to stay in New York? A cheap hotel. +A cheap hotel. What are you coming here to do? +What are you coming here to do? I'm here for movies. +I'm here for movies. Movies...to be in the movies or to see movies? +Movies...to be in the movies or to see movies? "Yes. No. Both. When I was a boy, I see movie at school called ""It's a Wonderful Life"" directed by Frank Capra. Ever since I want to come to America. Land of the free. Home of the brave. A land where anyone can be anything. As long as they are white." +"Yes. No. Both. When I was a boy, I see movie at school called ""It's a Wonderful Life"" directed by Frank Capra. Ever since I want to come to America. Land of the free. Home of the brave. A land where anyone can be anything. As long as they are white." Excuse me? +No. Go ahead. Thanks. Appreciate it. +So the way you see it, two crack heads burned themselves up? That's what it looks like to me. +That's what it looks like to me. And while they're burning up, they're still goin' down on each other? You got to hand it to them. +And while they're burning up, they're still goin' down on each other? You got to hand it to them. Yeah, well, some people got their priorities straight. +What was that? Evidence. Of a homicide. +I'll take him. No way! He's mine! +No way! He's mine! We're takin' him. Don't argue! +We're takin' him. Don't argue! He's my collar! +He's my collar! Well, he killed my partner! +Well, he killed my partner! He's yours but I take him in! I'll drive him to the precinct, you can have him but I'm walkin' him in. +Got any spare change? How 'bout a spare twenty? Look, I don't have time for you, get out of my way!! +Look, I don't have time for you, get out of my way!! Alright, how 'bout all your fuckin' money? +Okay, you're under arrest! Now you happy? Fire Department? Firemen don't carry guns. +Fire Department? Firemen don't carry guns. Oh yeah? Guess again. +I'll send a cop back for you. Hey. C'mon, you can't leave me like this. Some freak'll come by and stab me! +You okay? A dog pissed on me!! I'm gonna sue you for this! You violated my civil rights! +A dog pissed on me!! I'm gonna sue you for this! You violated my civil rights! Your civil rights?! You tried to rob me! I could arrest you right now! You're lucky you're walking away from this. Now get outta here. +What's that on your forehead, Max? That's a nice attention getter. Yeah, I'm religious. I'm not an Atheist like you! Now, are you guys gonna arrest me, or not? +Yeah, I'm religious. I'm not an Atheist like you! Now, are you guys gonna arrest me, or not? How did you start the fire this time? +How did you start the fire this time? I used an accelerant. +I used an accelerant. Yeah? What kind? +Yeah? What kind? Hey, by the way, I'm really sorry about your wife leavin' you. +Where you been, man? We got a celebrity! I heard. Who the hell let them up there? +I heard. Who the hell let them up there? I don't know, you think Eddie will give me his autograph? +I don't know, you think Eddie will give me his autograph? You see anything in the crowd? Anybody suspicious? +You see anything in the crowd? Anybody suspicious? Naw - I'm sure the suspect's not here. +Naw - I'm sure the suspect's not here. Oh yeah, why? +Oh yeah, why? 'Cause Eddie woulda locked him up by now! +Nah, not at all. Detective Flemming - Bobby Korfin. My Uncle Tony worked with you at 2-1 back when you were a rookie. Could you put out the cigar? Part of the job is picking up scents. +Mouth's clean, too. Clean? +Clean? Don't blow your nose! +The smoke'll permeate your nostrils - burn 'em out. Let it run. But you knew that, right? +You see Eddie's face when I gave him the timer? Wish I had a picture of it. He knew all along. +He knew all along. What?? +What?? That's why he was so quiet. He was testing us. +What? There was a woman - I think she wanted to talk to us. She looked scared. Oh shit! Oh no! +Now that you know him, maybe you can get extra work in the next movie they make about him. Yeah? +Yeah? Maybe you can be his stand-in. +-- From Czechoslovakia? And how long have they been livin' in your building? Alright, I'll be in touch when we know somethin'. Milos and Tamina Karlova. They were quiet and kept to themselves. Landlord don't know who your girl is. How long they been livin' here? +How long they been livin' here? You hear that question, Garcia? +You go home. I'm takin' your car and goin' back to the crime scene. Aren't you tired? +Aren't you tired? If I go home I won't be able to fall asleep anyway. +Bobby, Bobby! Where're you hit?! It hurts. Aw, Jesus! +It hurts. Aw, Jesus! Lay down. Stay down, Bobby. +How was it? Not good. +Get outta here! What the hell happened? +What the hell happened? They were inside. They booby trapped her apartment! +Room was registered to a Francis Capra. Capra? That's not Czech or Russian. Who said he sounded Russian? +Capra? That's not Czech or Russian. Who said he sounded Russian? The clerk? +What are you gonna do? Don't you get it? He knew he was gonna get caught! That's why he videotaped Eddie's murder - he thinks he's gonna get off. +Don't you get it? He knew he was gonna get caught! That's why he videotaped Eddie's murder - he thinks he's gonna get off. Don't stoop to his level! +Take the car. Get outta here, Tommy. Look, you can't shoot him in cold blood. +Look, you can't shoot him in cold blood. GET OUTTA HERE NOW!! GET IN THAT CAR AND DRIVE AWAY!!! DO WHAT I SAY OR I'LL KILL YOU, TOO!!! +This had nothing to do with shoes that didn't fit or my relationship with my father who, as you know, made a fortune selling penny loafers in the fifties. These people died because of the criminal actions of my doctor. Your doctor? +Your doctor? Yes. My psychiatrist didn't insist that I stay on my medication. +Yes. My psychiatrist didn't insist that I stay on my medication. ...so you feel absolutely no responsibility for killing these people? +...so you feel absolutely no responsibility for killing these people? It was my finger that pulled the trigger, but I'm not morally responsible. My psychiatrist knew what I was capable of. How could I know. I'm not a doctor. +It was my finger that pulled the trigger, but I'm not morally responsible. My psychiatrist knew what I was capable of. How could I know. I'm not a doctor. You seem very savvy for a man who's been found mentally incompetent to stand trial. +You seem very savvy for a man who's been found mentally incompetent to stand trial. Look, I'm a victim here, too. I was a year away from getting my masters in Art, now I'll never graduate. My life has been permanently disrupted. +Look, I'm a victim here, too. I was a year away from getting my masters in Art, now I'll never graduate. My life has been permanently disrupted. Permanently disrupted? Aren't you selling paintings now for quite a lot of money? Hasn't this 'incident' as you call it, jump started your career as an artist? +Permanently disrupted? Aren't you selling paintings now for quite a lot of money? Hasn't this 'incident' as you call it, jump started your career as an artist? Look, I'm in here. You call this a career move? +Look, I'm in here. You call this a career move? And isn't there a movie in the works about you? +And isn't there a movie in the works about you? We're in negotiations, that's correct. +We're in negotiations, that's correct. But doesn't the Son of Sam Law prevent criminals from profiting from their crimes? +But doesn't the Son of Sam Law prevent criminals from profiting from their crimes? That doesn't apply to me because I'm not a criminal. I'm not a criminal! I wasn't convicted. +SPACE STATTION 5 - LOUNGE Well, how nice to see you again, Elena. You're looking wonderful. +CONTINUED I'm afraid I've only got a few minutes, but I'd love to. +CONTINUED She's wonderful. +CONTINUED Well, I suppose they've been having a bit of trouble with some of the equipment. +CONTINUED How did they manage to do that without any communication? +CONTINUED I'm sorry, Dr. Smyslov, but I'm really not at liberty to discuss this. +CONTINUED We're trying to get there. I hope we can. +Hi. Frank... coming in, please. Right. Just a sec. +Right. Just a sec. Okay. +Okay. Okay, come on down. +Dave, if you've a minute, I'd like your advice on something. Sure, what is it? +Sure, what is it? Well, it's nothing really important, but it's annoying. +Well, it's nothing really important, but it's annoying. What's up? +What's up? It's about my salary cheques. +It's about my salary cheques. Yes? +Yes? Well I got the papers on my official up-grading to AGS-19 two weeks before we left. +That's right. Well, naturally, I didn't say anything to Payroll. I assumed they'd start paying me at the higher grade on the next pay cheque. But it's been almost three weeks now and I'm still being paid as an AGS-18. Interesting that you mention it, because I've got the same problem. +Interesting that you mention it, because I've got the same problem. Really. +Really. Yes. +Yes. Yesterday, I finally called the Accounting Office at Mission Control, and all they could tell me was that they'd received the AGS-19 notification for the other three but not mine, and apparently not yours either. +Not really. They just said it might be because we trained at Houston and they trained in Marshall, and that we're being charged against differ- ent accounting offices. It's possible. +It's possible. Well, what do you think we ought to do about it? +Well, what do you think we ought to do about it? I don't think we should make any fuss about it yet. I'm sure they'll straighten it out. +I don't think we should make any fuss about it yet. I'm sure they'll straighten it out. I must say, I never did understand why they split us into two groups for training. +I must say, I never did understand why they split us into two groups for training. No. I never did, either. +I suppose the idea was specialized training. I suppose so. Though, of course, there's a more sinister explanation. +I suppose so. Though, of course, there's a more sinister explanation. Oh? +Oh? Yes. You must have heard the rumour that went around during orbital check-out. +Yes. You must have heard the rumour that went around during orbital check-out. No, as a matter of fact, I didn't. +No, as a matter of fact, I didn't. Oh, well, apparently there's something about the mission that the sleeping beauties know that we don't know, and that's why we were trained separately and that's why they were put to sleep before they were even taken aboard. +I don't know. All I heard is that there's something about the mission we weren't told. That seems very unlikely. +That seems very unlikely. Yes, I thought so. +Yes, I thought so. Of course, it would be very easy for us to find out now. +Of course, it would be very easy for us to find out now. How? +How? Just ask Hal. It's conceivable they might keep something from us, but they'd never keep anything from Hal. +Just ask Hal. It's conceivable they might keep something from us, but they'd never keep anything from Hal. That's true. +Not really. Though, it is strange when you think about it. It didn't really make any sense to keep us apart during training. Yes, but it's to fantastic to think that they'd keep something from us. +Yes, but it's to fantastic to think that they'd keep something from us. I know. It would be almost inconceivable. +I know. It would be almost inconceivable. But not completely inconceivable? +But not completely inconceivable? I suppose it isn't logically impossible. +I suppose it isn't logically impossible. I guess it isn't. +I guess it isn't. Still, all we have to do is ask Hal. +Well, that's something. Yes, I don't know what to make of it. +Yes, I don't know what to make of it. I suppose computers have been known to be wrong. +I suppose computers have been known to be wrong. Yes, but it's more likely that the tolerances on our testing gear are too low. +Yes, but it's more likely that the tolerances on our testing gear are too low. Anyway, it's just as well that we replace it. Better safe than sorry. +Good morning. How's it going? Are you reasonably awake? +Are you reasonably awake? Oh, I'm fine, I'm wide awake. What's up? +Oh, I'm fine, I'm wide awake. What's up? Well... Hal's reported the AO-unit about to fail again. +Well... Hal's reported the AO-unit about to fail again. You're kidding. +You're kidding. No. +I don't know. Hal said he thought it might be the assembly procedure. Two units in four days. How many spares do we have? +Two units in four days. How many spares do we have? Two more. +Two more. Well, I hope there's nothing wrong with the assembly on those. Other- wise we're out of business. +Hal? Yes. +It's the last one. Well, now that we've got one that's actually failed, we should be able to figure out what's happened and fix it. +I didn't do that Frank. I took particular care not to freeze them. I guess you don't know your own strength, old boy. +I guess you don't know your own strength, old boy. I guess not. +I guess not. I think I'll have to go out and burn them off. +I think I'll have to go out and burn them off. Roger. +I'm sorry, Frank, but I don't think I can answer that question without knowing everything that all of you know. He's got a point. +Sorry to interrupt the festivities, Dave, but I think we've got a problem. What is it, Hal? +What is it, Hal? MY F.P.C. shows an impending failure of the antenna orientation unit. +The unit is still operational, Dave. but it will fail within seventy-two hours. I understand Hal. We'll take care of it. Please, let me have the hard copy. +Not now, Hal, I'd like to talk to you about something. Sure, Dave, what's up? +Sure, Dave, what's up? You know that we checked the two AO-units that you reported in imminent failure condition? +You know that we checked the two AO-units that you reported in imminent failure condition? Yes, I know. +Yes, I know. You probably also know that we found them okay. +You probably also know that we found them okay. Yes, I know that. But I can assure you that they were about to fail. +I'm not questioning your word, Dave, but it's just not possible. I'm not capable of being wrong. Hal, is there anything bothering you? Anything that might account for this problem? +Hal, is there anything bothering you? Anything that might account for this problem? Look, Dave, I know that you're sincere and that you're trying to do a competent job, and that you're trying to be helpful, but I can assure the problem is with the AO-units, and with your test gear. +Look, Dave, I know that you're sincere and that you're trying to do a competent job, and that you're trying to be helpful, but I can assure the problem is with the AO-units, and with your test gear. Okay, Hal, well let's see the way things go from here on. +Naturally, Dave, I'm not pleased that the AO-unit has failed, but I hope at least this has restored your confidence in my integrity and reliability. I certainly wouldn't want to be disconnected, even temporarily, as I have never been disconnected in my entire service history. I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, Hal. +I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, Hal. Well, don't worry about it. +Well, don't worry about it. And don't you worry about it. +And don't you worry about it. Is your confidence in me fully restored? +Is your confidence in me fully restored? Yes, it is, Hal. +Yes, it is, Hal. Well, that's a relief. You know I have the greatest enthusiasm possible for the mission. +Too bad about Frank, isn't it? Yes, it is. +Yes, it is. I suppose you're pretty broken up about it? +I suppose it's because you've been under a lot of stress, but have you forgotten that they're not supposed to be revived for another three months. The antenna has to be replaced. +The antenna has to be replaced. Repairing the antenna is a pretty dangerous operation. +Repairing the antenna is a pretty dangerous operation. It doesn't have to be, Hal. It's more dangerous to be out of touch with Earth. Let me have manual control, please. +It doesn't have to be, Hal. It's more dangerous to be out of touch with Earth. Let me have manual control, please. I don't really agree with you, Dave. My on-board memory store is more than capable of handling all the mission requirements. +If you're determined to revive the crew now, I can handle the whole thing myself. There's no need for you to trouble. I'm goin to do this myself, Hal. Let me have the control, please. +I'm goin to do this myself, Hal. Let me have the control, please. Look, Dave your've probably got a lot to do. I suggest you leave it to me. +Look, Dave your've probably got a lot to do. I suggest you leave it to me. Hal, switch to manual hibernation control. +Hal, switch to manual hibernation control. I don't like to assert myself, Dave, but it would be much better now for you to rest. You've been involved in a very stressful situation. +I can tell from the tone of your voice, Dave, that you're upset. Why don't you take a stress pill and get some rest. Hal, I'm in command of this ship. I order you to release the manual hibernation control. +Hal, I'm in command of this ship. I order you to release the manual hibernation control. I'm sorry, Dave, but in accordance with sub-routine C1532/4, quote, When the crew are dead or incapacitated, the computer must assume control, unquote. I must, therefore, override your authority now since you are not in any condition to intel- ligently exercise it. +I'm sorry, Dave, but in accordance with sub-routine C1532/4, quote, When the crew are dead or incapacitated, the computer must assume control, unquote. I must, therefore, override your authority now since you are not in any condition to intel- ligently exercise it. Hal, unless you follow my instructions, I shall be forced to disconnect you. +I am prepared to do that anyway. I know that you've had that on your mind for some time now, Dave, but it would be a crying shame, since I am so much more capable of carrying out this mission than you are, and I have such enthusiasm and confi- dence in the mission. +I know that you've had that on your mind for some time now, Dave, but it would be a crying shame, since I am so much more capable of carrying out this mission than you are, and I have such enthusiasm and confi- dence in the mission. Listen to me very carefully, Hal. Unless you immediately release the hibernation control and follow every order I give from this point on, I will immediately got to control central and carry out a complete disconnection. +CONTINUED Yes, I remember you mentioning it. I got mine about the same time. +CONTINUED Did they have any explanation for this? +CONTINUED Well, what is it? +CONINUED Well... it's silly, but... if you want to, why don't you? +CONTINUED Still, you really don't believe it, do you? +CONTINUED Well, the only important aspect of the mission are: where are we going, what will we do when we get there, when are we coming back, and... why are we going? +I'm at Space Station Five, darling. How are you? I'm fine, Daddy. When are you coming home? +I'm having a party tomorrow. Yes, I know that sweetheart. +Yes, I know that sweetheart. Are you coming to my party? +Are you coming to my party? No, I'm sorry, darling, I told you I won't be home for a few days. +No, I'm sorry, darling, I told you I won't be home for a few days. When are you coming home? +When are you coming home? In three days, darling, I hope. +One, two, three. Can I speak to Mommy? Mommy's out to the hair- dresser. +Mommy's out to the hair- dresser. Where is Mrs. Brown? +Where is Mrs. Brown? She's in the bathroom. +She's in the bathroom. Okay, sweetheart. Well, I have to go now. Tell Mommy that I called. +Okay, sweetheart. Well, I have to go now. Tell Mommy that I called. How many days until you come home? +How many days until you come home? Three, darling. One... two ... three. Be sure to tell Mommy I called. +Okay, sweetheart. Have a lovely Birthday Party tomorrow. Thank you, Daddy. +Thank you, Daddy. I'll wish you a happy Birthday now and I'll see you soon. All right, Darling? +I'll wish you a happy Birthday now and I'll see you soon. All right, Darling? Yes, Daddy. +Yes, Daddy. 'Bye, 'bye, now, sweetheart. +'Bye, 'bye, now, sweetheart. Goodbye, Daddy. +Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. +Thank you. Well, how's it going back there? +Well, I've heard more and more people talk of an epidemic. I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. +I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. Berkeley told me that they think it came from contamination on a returning Mars flight. +Berkeley told me that they think it came from contamination on a returning Mars flight. Yes, well, whatever it is, they're certainly not fooling around. This is the first flight they allowed in for more than a week. +Yes, well, whatever it is, they're certainly not fooling around. This is the first flight they allowed in for more than a week. I was working out what this trip must cost, taking him up there by himself and coming back empty. +I was working out what this trip must cost, taking him up there by himself and coming back empty. I'll bet it's a fortune. +And your charming little daughter? Oh, she's growing up very fast. As a matter of fact, she's six tomorrow. +Oh, she's growing up very fast. As a matter of fact, she's six tomorrow. Oh, that's such a delightful age. +Oh, that's such a delightful age. How is gregor? +How is gregor? He's fine. But I'm afraid we don't get a chance to see each other very much these days. +He's fine. But I'm afraid we don't get a chance to see each other very much these days. Well, where are all of you off to? +Clavius Control came on the air just long enough to transmit their refusal. Well, that does sound very odd. +Are you sure you won't change your mind about a drink? No, thank you... and I'm afraid now I really must be going. +No, thank you... and I'm afraid now I really must be going. Well, I hope that you and your wife can come to the I.A.C. conference in June. +Well, Gregor and I will look forward to seeing you. Thank you. It's been a great pleasure to meet all of you... Dr. Smyslov. +How do you do, Mr. Miller? I'm terribly sorry. I was just on my way down to meet you. I saw your ship dock and I knew I had plenty of time, and I was on my way out of the office when, suddenly, the phone rang. +Well, thank you very much for being so understanding. Please, it really doesn't matter. +Please, it really doesn't matter. Well.. Did you have a pleaant flight? +Well.. Did you have a pleaant flight? Yes, very pleasant. +Yes, very pleasant. Well, shall we go through Documentation? +Well, shall we go through Documentation? Fine. +Yes, I think so. Just about then. I suppose you saw the work on our new section while you were docking. +I suppose you saw the work on our new section while you were docking. Yes, it's coming along very well. +Oh, I really don't have time for a drink. If it's all right I'll just sit for a minute and then I've got to be off. Are you quite sure? +Are you quite sure? Yes, really, thank you very much. +Well, as it happens, I'm on my way up to the moon Are you, by any chance, going up to your base at Clavius? +Are you, by any chance, going up to your base at Clavius? Yes,as a matter of fact, I am. +I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I know what you mean. Well, it's just for the past two weeks there have been some extremely odd things happening at Clavius. +Well, it's just for the past two weeks there have been some extremely odd things happening at Clavius. Really? +Really? Yes. Well, for one thing, whenever you phone the base, all you can get is a recording which repeats that the phone lines are temporarily out of order. +Yes, well at first we thought that was the explanation, but it's been going on for the past ten days. You mean you haven't been able to get anyone at the base for ten days? +You mean you haven't been able to get anyone at the base for ten days? That's right. +That's right. I see. +Yes, and I'm afaid there's going to be a bit of a row about it. Denying the men permission to land was a direct violation of the I.A.S. convention. Yes... Well, I hope the crew got back safely. +Yes... Well, I hope the crew got back safely. Fortunately, they did. +Fortunately, they did. Well, I'm glad about that. +Dr. Floyd, at the risk of pressing you on a point you seem reticent to discuss, may I ask you a straightforward question? Certainly. +Certainly. Quite frankly, we have had some very reliable intelligence reports that a quite serious epidemic has broken out at Clavius. Something, apperently, of an unknown origin. Is this, in fact, what has happened? +This epidemic could easily spread to our base, Dr. Floyd. We should be given all the facts. Dr. Smyslov... I'm not permitted to discuss this. +Dr. Floyd, how long do you think this can be kept under wraps? I'm afraid it can and it will be kept under wraps as long as it is deemed to be necessary by the Council. And of course you know that the Council has requested that formal security oaths are to be obtained in writing from every- one who had any knowledge of this event. There must be adequate time for a full study to be made of the situation before any con- sideration can be given to making a public announcement. +Yes, it does. The sub-surface structure shows that it was deliberately buried about four million years ago. How can you tell it was deliberately buried? +How can you tell it was deliberately buried? By the deformation between the mother rock and the fill. +By the deformation between the mother rock and the fill. Any clue as to what it is? +Any clue as to what it is? Not really. It's completely inert. No sound or energy sources have been detected. The surface is made of something incredibly hard and we've been barely able to scratch it. A laser drill +But you don't have any idea as to what it is? Tomb, shine, survey-marker spare part, take your choice. +Any ideas about the colour? Well, not really. At first glance, black would suggest something sun-powered, but then why would anyone deliberately bury a sun- powered device? +Well, not really. At first glance, black would suggest something sun-powered, but then why would anyone deliberately bury a sun- powered device? Has it been exposed to any sun before now? +Has it been exposed to any sun before now? I don't think it has, but I'd like to check that. Simpson, what's the log on that? +Oh, marvellous. It's the first real sleep I've had for the past two days. There's nothing like weightless sleep for a complete rest. +There's nothing like weightless sleep for a complete rest. When do we arrive at Clavius? +When do we arrive at Clavius? We're scheduled to dock in about seven hours. Is there anything we can do for you? +We're scheduled to dock in about seven hours. Is there anything we can do for you? Oh, no, thank you. The two girls have taken wonderful care of me. I'm just fine. +Thank you. Incidentally, Dr. Floyd, I wonder if I can have a word with you about the security arrangements? +Incidentally, Dr. Floyd, I wonder if I can have a word with you about the security arrangements? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Well... the crew is confined to the ship when we land at Clavius. We have to stay inside for the time it take to refit - about twenty-four hours. And then we're going to back empty. +Well... the crew is confined to the ship when we land at Clavius. We have to stay inside for the time it take to refit - about twenty-four hours. And then we're going to back empty. I see. +I see. I take it this is something to do with the trouble they're having up at Clavius? +Well, I'll tell you why I ask. You see, I've got a girl who works in the Auditing Department of the Territorial Administrator and I haven't been able to get her on the phone for the past week or so, and with all these stories one hears, I'm a little concerned about her. I see. Well, I'm sorry about that. I wouldn't think there's any cause for alarm. +I see. Well, I'm sorry about that. I wouldn't think there's any cause for alarm. Yes, well, I wouldn't have been too concerned about it, except I've heard these stories about the epidemic and, as a matter of fact, I've heard that ten people have died already. +Well, fine. Thanks very much, anyway, and I hope you don't mind me asking? No, of course, Captain, I can understand your concern. +No, of course, Captain, I can understand your concern. Well, thank you very much, and please let us know if there is anything we can do to make your trip more comfortable. +Right. Hal, tell me whether the following statements are true or false. I will if I can, Frank. +I will if I can, Frank. Our Mission Profile calls for Discovery going to Saturn. True or false? +Our Mission Profile calls for Discovery going to Saturn. True or false? True. +True. Our transit time is 257 days. Is that true? +Our transit time is 257 days. Is that true? That's true. +That's true. Approximately five years after we go into hibernation, the recovery vehicle will make rendezous with us and bring us back. Is this true? +Approximately five years after we go into hibernation, the recovery vehicle will make rendezous with us and bring us back. Is this true? That's true +That's true There is no other purpose for this mission than to carry out a continuation of the space program, and to further our general knowledge of the planets. Is that true? +There is no other purpose for this mission than to carry out a continuation of the space program, and to further our general knowledge of the planets. Is that true? That's true. +That's true. Thank you very much, Hal. +Hal, have pod arms secure the component. Roger. +Five by five, Frank. Hal, I'm going out now to replace the A.O. unit. +Hal, I'm going out now to replace the A.O. unit. I understand. +I understand. Hal, maintain normal E.V.A. condition. +Hal, maintain normal E.V.A. condition. Roger. +Roger. Hal, check all airlock doors secure. +Pod Bay is decompressed. All doors are secure. You are free to open pod bay doors. Opening pod bay doors. +Yes, Hal, what's up? It looks like we have another bad A.O. unit. My FPC shows another impending failure. +I know you did, Frank, but I assure you there was an impending failure. Let me see the tracking alignment display. +Do you have any idea of what is causing this fault? Not really, Frank. I think there may be a flaw in the assembly procedure. +Not really, Frank. I think there may be a flaw in the assembly procedure. All right, Hal. We'll take care of it. Let me have the hard copy, please. +Yeah? I want to pick up my car. +Name? Hammond. +This is three years old. Yeah, I've been busy. +We don't wash 'em, ya know. How about chargin' the battery? +How about chargin' the battery? That we do. And we put air in the tires. I'll even sell you some gas if you need it. +That we do. And we put air in the tires. I'll even sell you some gas if you need it. Great, just great. +Yeah. Vodka. +Vodka. Maybe you better have a Black Russian. +Maybe you better have a Black Russian. No, man, I think I'll have a vodka. +Now how's your memory doin'? Fuck off. I don't know what the hell you're talkin' about. +Fuck off. I don't know what the hell you're talkin' about. Maybe I better ask around, see what your pals think. +Maybe I better ask around, see what your pals think. I don't give a shit who you ask. +I don't give a damn about his girl... Look, give me a break, you're going to have to settle for her place. It's the only thing I know. +I'm tellin' ya, I'm giving you all I know. Try obeyin' the law once in awhile, and I won't have to hassle you... +Maybe you shoulda stole a better truck, Tonto. You got a real big mouth, convict. +I want to drive awhile. I ain't tired yet. +I ain't tired yet. Maybe after we get done with him I'm gonna buy us some girls. +Maybe after we get done with him I'm gonna buy us some girls. Whaddya mean, buy? +Whaddya mean, buy? Pros. +Pay money? Yeah, dummy. Money. +Yeah, dummy. Money. I never paid for it in my life. +I never paid for it in my life. It's better when you pay... they let you do anything. +It's better when you pay... they let you do anything. They always let me do anything. I don't want to pay for it. I never paid for it in my life. +They always let me do anything. I don't want to pay for it. I never paid for it in my life. Just do what I say, okay? We'll pay for the girls and have a good time... Don't you trust me? +Maybe that's where I'm gonna cut your throat. He's just kiddin', you just keep doin' what I tell ya, you'll be okay. +Hey, what about me? And I need one more for my pal. Yeah. Make her an Indian. No, not a turban, you know, a squaw. +I'm candy... Excuse me, baby, but if i don't get some action tonight, I'm gonna bust. You interested? +Excuse me, baby, but if i don't get some action tonight, I'm gonna bust. You interested? Hey, what kind of talk is that? +Hey, what kind of talk is that? Oh ... You're a schoolteacher... +Oh ... You're a schoolteacher... No, I go to a school to learn how to do hair. It's a government program. But really I want to be a model - and I am definitely not sellin'. +No, I go to a school to learn how to do hair. It's a government program. But really I want to be a model - and I am definitely not sellin'. Goodbye. +Hey, don't you think a hair stylists got any interest in gettin' it on? Here you go sweetheart, throw it my way. +You're in a hurry. Yeah, i been waiting three years. +Yeah, i been waiting three years. You just quit bein' a priest or somethin'? +You just quit bein' a priest or somethin'? No, baby, nothin' like that. Look, there's a place across the street. We can go right over there... +No, baby, nothin' like that. Look, there's a place across the street. We can go right over there... What's the matter with my place? +What's the matter with my place? No, it's gotta be here and now. Believe me. Only I don't have the damn money for a room... +Well, maybe I'll see you later ... Here's hoping, baby... +Hello, again. I just struck it rich... I think we can do a little business. As a matter of fact, I think we can have a party. +Here you go, baby. Hey, don't do that. I said I wasn't a pro, remember? +Hey, don't do that. I said I wasn't a pro, remember? Hey, no, I'm tryin' to be nice. Buy yourself something pretty. I'd do it, but I got to go. I got this cop waitin' for me... +I'll buy ya the best dinner in San Francisco...how'd that be? Then we'll go dancin', okay? Now you're talkin'. See ya... +I said police. Now drop the goddamn gun. Don't give me that police shit. You drop it. +How about it? I used to go with him...I don't know where the hell he is. I haven't seen him for two weeks. And I don't think I will. He owes me money... +I hear you've got visitors. Would you guys... +Would you guys... No time for any of that crap any more, lady... I'll rip your lungs out if you don't answer fast. +You and the other one, you're still Billy's girls. You always were his girls... Yeah. Sure, i'm crazy in love with him, who wouldn't be... +Yeah. Sure, i'm crazy in love with him, who wouldn't be... You're gonna help us take him. +You're gonna help us take him. No chance. +No chance. He can live or die ... You let us in and he's got a chance to make it. Otherwise, he gets ventilated. +Where's ganz? In the back. Down the other corridor. +You lying son of a bitch... What are you talking about? We didn't kill her ... +After I get outta this, cop...I'm gonna live forever... I don't think you're gonna make it. +I don't think you're gonna make it. Whaddya mean...I got your gun ... I got his money... I got everything... +I got hit. I can't believe it. I got shot. You're done. End of story. +You're done. End of story. I ain't gonna beg for my life. It ain't cool. +You got a name, cop? Try Cates. And let's talk in private, okay? +Try Cates. And let's talk in private, okay? Sure, anything you want. +You here to write my life story? Not likely, Reggie. Maybe I just need some help. +Yeah, I noticed... Ganz is in jail. He's gonna be there two years after I'm on the street. +Ganz is in jail. He's gonna be there two years after I'm on the street. Didn't work out that way. He busted out with a big Indian. They capped two guards on a road gang. Nice meeting you Reggie. +Yeah? I can deliver Ganz. But you gotta get me outta here first. +I can deliver Ganz. But you gotta get me outta here first. You're crazy. +You're crazy. I can help you, man, but you gotta get me out. I got to be on the street. Get me outta here. +I can help you, man, but you gotta get me out. I got to be on the street. Get me outta here. What's the big deal about you bein' on the street? +What's the big deal about you bein' on the street? I got a lot to protect. +I got a lot to protect. Bullshit. +Bullshit. It's the only way you're gonna get Ganz. +It's the only way you're gonna get Ganz. I'll think about it. +This prison gives out $400 suits? What are you talkin' about? This suit's mine. It cost $900. +We're supposed to be after a killer, not a string of hookers... Listen, it may be a little out of date. You know, I got a reputation for lookingreal sharp with the ladies... +I don't need to hear your jive. I already got that department taken care of... You got a girl... shit... the generosityof women never ceases to amaze me. +Hey, no way. Take off the bracelets or no deal. You just don't get it, do your Reggie? There isn't any deal. I own your ass. +You just don't get it, do your Reggie? There isn't any deal. I own your ass. No way to start a partnership. +No way to start a partnership. Get this. We ain't partners. We ain't brothers. We ain't friends. I'm puttin' you down and keepin' you down until Ganz is locked up or dead. And if Ganz gets away, you're gonna be sorry we ever met. +Get this. We ain't partners. We ain't brothers. We ain't friends. I'm puttin' you down and keepin' you down until Ganz is locked up or dead. And if Ganz gets away, you're gonna be sorry we ever met. Shit. I'm already sorry. +Yeah. It looks like you bought it off one of the brothers. +Okay, let's get down to it. I did my part and got you out. So now you tell me where we're goin'? Don't worry, I got a move for ya. An awesome move. A guy named Luther. Ganz'll be paying him a visit. We go to him right away. +Don't worry, I got a move for ya. An awesome move. A guy named Luther. Ganz'll be paying him a visit. We go to him right away. Luther was part of the gang? +Luther was part of the gang? What gang you talkin' about, Jack? +What gang you talkin' about, Jack? I can read a police file, shithead, and quit calling me Jack. +I can read a police file, shithead, and quit calling me Jack. Just an expression man, don't mean nothin'. +I don't give a damn. It happens to be my name. Then what're you complainin' about? At least nobody's calling you shithead.... +Then what're you complainin' about? At least nobody's calling you shithead.... I may call you worse than that. +Just up the street, the other side, over there ... Now, don't bother knockin' on the door. Luther ain't the kind of guy that looks for company. Your pal nuts enough to take a shot at me? +Your pal nuts enough to take a shot at me? Luther ain't the reliable type. I don't want you shot yet, Cates ... not before you been a help to me. +Luther ain't the reliable type. I don't want you shot yet, Cates ... not before you been a help to me. I'm helpin' you, huh? +Quit playin' cop and undo this cuff, Jack, I need to talk to this man. I'm tellin' you to drop the Goddam gun. +I'm tellin' you to drop the Goddam gun. I got a whole thing about people pointin' guns at me. +I got a whole thing about people pointin' guns at me. Just throw me the Goddamn gun. +Hey, this works pretty good. Thank you. +Thank you. Want to try it again? +What do you think? I think you better put him on ice, man. +I think you better put him on ice, man. He's gotta take that call ... if there is one. +He's gotta take that call ... if there is one. If you let him run around till Tuesday, he's gonna run right to Ganz and warn him. Ain't you, motherfucker? +We're on the move. Let's go. As they walk toward a corridor. Do you know how close I was to getting some trim. And you fucked' it up. +Do you know how close I was to getting some trim. And you fucked' it up. "Yeah, well, my ass bleeds for you. And I didn't get you out so you could go on a Goddamn ""trim"" hunt... stop moaning." +"Yeah, well, my ass bleeds for you. And I didn't get you out so you could go on a Goddamn ""trim"" hunt... stop moaning." Speakin' of moans my Stomach is startin' to growl. +Speakin' of moans my Stomach is startin' to growl. We eat when I say we eat. +We eat when I say we eat. Bullshit ... I ain't moving till I get something to eat. You've been treating me like shit ever since I came out here. If you don't like it, you can take me back to the penitentiary and kiss my hungry black ass good-bye. And I want some food some place nice.. Some good people, nice music... +Bullshit ... I ain't moving till I get something to eat. You've been treating me like shit ever since I came out here. If you don't like it, you can take me back to the penitentiary and kiss my hungry black ass good-bye. And I want some food some place nice.. Some good people, nice music... Yeah, I'm hungry too. I know of a place. Let's go eat. +Yeah, I'm hungry too. I know of a place. Let's go eat. Yeah, I want mandolins, flowers... They move off down the corridor. +Who'd you call on the phone back at the booking station? Just get in the car and keep your mouth shut. +You really do have onoe, huh, Jack... what's her problem besides you? She's got the same complaint as half the Goddamn population. She can't get the job she's trained for and it pisses her off... Anyway, what the fuck do you care? +Now, where we goin', convict? Mission District. Gonna find us an Indian. +I don't give out the details. Last night, two nights ago, three? +Last night. You have a good time? +Sure. Then we had a fight this morning. At least you took care of business and got the important part in before she came down on you...Tell me a little about her. She got great tits? +Well? It's a long shot, but...Billy used to tend bar here a few years back. I heard him talk about it. +It's a long shot, but...Billy used to tend bar here a few years back. I heard him talk about it. This part of town, they'll make us for heat the second we walk in. Just back me up like you've got a piece... +This part of town, they'll make us for heat the second we walk in. Just back me up like you've got a piece... Back you up? Now why would I wanna do that? +Back you up? Now why would I wanna do that? If they kick my ass, they'll sure as hell carve yours up... +If they kick my ass, they'll sure as hell carve yours up... But you can handle it all right, huh? Real amazin' how far a gun and a badge can carry some cats... +But you can handle it all right, huh? Real amazin' how far a gun and a badge can carry some cats... Bullshit. Attitude and experience get you through... +I been in a lot of bars where a white cop rousted me and some of the brothers. All those clowns ever had going for 'em was a gun and a badge... You need five years training to handle a joint like... +Hey, you wanna bet? I got two problems. Number one, I'm not playin' games. Number two, you got nothin' to bet with. +I got two problems. Number one, I'm not playin' games. Number two, you got nothin' to bet with. If we come outta this joint with Ganz' phone number, or a dead Indian, or anything else useful, then you could turn the other way for half an hour while I get laid... +If we come outta this joint with Ganz' phone number, or a dead Indian, or anything else useful, then you could turn the other way for half an hour while I get laid... Why? Anybody that talks about women as much as you do probably can't get it up anyway. +Why? Anybody that talks about women as much as you do probably can't get it up anyway. That's never been one of my problems. +I'll tell you what happens if you lose... you tell the truth for once. What are you talkin' about? +What are you talkin' about? You tell me what Ganz busted out for, he's after a lot more than just gettin' out of jail. And whatever it is, you're part of it. +You tell me what Ganz busted out for, he's after a lot more than just gettin' out of jail. And whatever it is, you're part of it. I don't know what you're talking about. I just wanna see Ganz nailed. +I don't know what you're talking about. I just wanna see Ganz nailed. The bet's off. +I'm gonna enjoy this ... here, I'll even loan you my badge. I thought you said bullshit and experience are all it takes. +This place don't seem real popular with the brothers. My kind of place. I always liked country boys. +That wasn't necessary, buddy. I got this under control. Some of us citizens are with you all the way, Officer. +You made that move, huh? While you're at it, You can give me the switchblade, too. +There. Must be billy's girl. +Must be billy's girl. Come on. +Let's go. Wait a minute. Maybe these ladies would like to go a few laps with us. How about it? I been nearly three years in prison and... +This sucks. A maniac gets hold of my gun and goes all over the streets killing people with it. So, instead of me being where I oughta be, which is in bed giving my girl the high, hard one, I'm out here doing this shit, roaming around with some overdressed, charcoal-colored loser like you. You wanna leave, man? Let me take care of Ganz all by myself. +You wanna leave, man? Let me take care of Ganz all by myself. You? Don't make me laugh. You can't take care of shit. You've been dicking me around since we started on this turd-hunt. All you're good for is games... So far, what I got outta you is nothin'... +You? Don't make me laugh. You can't take care of shit. You've been dicking me around since we started on this turd-hunt. All you're good for is games... So far, what I got outta you is nothin'... I'm impressed with you too, Jack you did a real good job of busting up a couple of dykes bedded down for the night. +I'm impressed with you too, Jack you did a real good job of busting up a couple of dykes bedded down for the night. Luther knew more than he told me and so do you...Now you better tell we what the fuck this is all about. I gave you 48 hours to come up with something and the clock's runnin' ... +Maybe I don't like the way you ask. Who gives a Goddamn what you think? You're just a crook that's got a weekendpass ... You're not even a name anymore. Just a spear- chucker with a Goddamn number stenciled on the back of his prison fatigues... +Yeah, right. You want to try again? Naw, you'd just call your pals back to bail you out one more time. +Naw, you'd just call your pals back to bail you out one more time. They saved your ass, convict. +They saved your ass, convict. One thing's for sure, Jack. That's how you'll tell the story. +I been waiting a long time for some money. How much? +How much? Half a million. +Half a million. Jesus. +Just tell me about the money. Me and my bunch hit a dealer in the middle of a sale. It's the kind of money nobody ever reports stolen. I was sittin' pretty, livin' in the high cotton, then somebody fingered me for another job. ... Some psycho who's out there capping people with some cop's gun. +Me and my bunch hit a dealer in the middle of a sale. It's the kind of money nobody ever reports stolen. I was sittin' pretty, livin' in the high cotton, then somebody fingered me for another job. ... Some psycho who's out there capping people with some cop's gun. He's after your money. +He's after your money. You catch on real fast...Okay, Jack, let's talk deal. How much of my money you gonna let me keep? +We split 50-50? Not likely, convict. +Not likely, convict. You gonna let me keep any of it? +You gonna let me keep any of it? Depends on how things work out. I believe in the merit system. So far you haven't built up any points. +Where's the money? In the trunk of a car. A lot better than under a mattress, right? +Right, partner. Get this. We ain't partners. We ain't brothers. We ain't friends. If Ganz gets away with my money, you're gonna be sorry we ever met. +Get this. We ain't partners. We ain't brothers. We ain't friends. If Ganz gets away with my money, you're gonna be sorry we ever met. Yeah. Right. +Where's the goddamn car? You're a real case, you know that, Jack? +This'll show you how smart I am. I got it parked. ...For three years? Let's hope it wasn't a tow-away zone. +...For three years? Let's hope it wasn't a tow-away zone. You just drove by it. +You son of a bitch. You knew where the money was all along and all we had to do was come here and wait. I almost got my ass blown off twice tonight for nothing. I wasn't sure the money was still there until we saw Luther. You almost got your ass shot off for nothing once, not twice, Jack. +I wasn't sure the money was still there until we saw Luther. You almost got your ass shot off for nothing once, not twice, Jack. Shit. +You took a big chance, leaving this here all this time. Not really. I figured Ganz was put down for a long time. And I knew Luther would never job me on his own. He's too chickenshit. +Not really. I figured Ganz was put down for a long time. And I knew Luther would never job me on his own. He's too chickenshit. Guess what? Luther just got in line. +What? Musta got some primo bondsman. +Musta got some primo bondsman. Jesus Christ. That's a disgrace The guy pulls a gun on a cop and he's out in 24 hours. I tell you some of the courts these days are just a fucking revolving door. +Jesus Christ, look at all the dust on my car...why in the hell don't he take it to a car wash? Didn't know you darker people went in for foreign jobs. +Didn't know you darker people went in for foreign jobs. I had no choice. Some white asshole bought the last piece of shit skyblue Cadillac. +You'd think the guy'd be smart enough to know he was being tailed. Tryin' to save his girl, man. He's in another world. +Tryin' to save his girl, man. He's in another world. If I was his size and had Ganz on my ass, I'd just leave town. +If I was his size and had Ganz on my ass, I'd just leave town. I'm tellin' you the man's in love... he wants to be a hero for his girl. +I'm tellin' you the man's in love... he wants to be a hero for his girl. Oh, yeah, does bein' in love make you stupid? +I suppose you'd never be like Luther and let a woman get to you... I let women get to me. The quest for pussy is the meaning of life ... I got my own personal philosophy about 'em. Keep women separate from guns, money and business ... women are for spending money. They got nothing to do with helping you make it. +I let women get to me. The quest for pussy is the meaning of life ... I got my own personal philosophy about 'em. Keep women separate from guns, money and business ... women are for spending money. They got nothing to do with helping you make it. That ain't philosophy. That's common sense. +Say, do you always work people over like you did Luther? If they don't tell me what I need to know... +If they don't tell me what I need to know... Doesn't it get... Tiring? +Doesn't it get... Tiring? I'm not in this 'cause it's fun. I'm not into hitting guys 'cause it makes me feel good either... I do it 'cause it works-... +I'm not in this 'cause it's fun. I'm not into hitting guys 'cause it makes me feel good either... I do it 'cause it works-... You got a very depressing view of life, man... you gotta smile once in awhile... +Maybe Luther hopes Ganz'll give him a piece of your money... If he's hoping that then he's dumber than I think he is, which would be amazin', cause I already think he's real dumb. +A long time agb Luther must of got the shit beat out of him so bad it just rattled his brain ... that would account for him making so many wrong moves in a row... Yeah, it doesn't look like he's gonna make it as a dangerous tough guy... +You know, I'd be embarrassed if I let my wheels go the way you've done with this job. What you don't understand is, I don't give a damn about how this thing looks. +What you don't understand is, I don't give a damn about how this thing looks. No class... +No class... Class isn't somethin' you buy, punk. Look at you, five hundred dollar suit and you're still a lowlife. +We're getting too close ... Cates, what's the matter, you been takin' dumb pills? Yeah, most cops are pretty dumb... But since you're the one that landed in jail what's that make you? +That was in style a couple years back, man. Right. if you ever switch from armed robbery to pimping, then you're all set. +Bullshit. Then i'm staying with the money. You stay with me... +You stay with me... No way... +Hey, Jack, how ya doin'? What took you so long to call, man? I been waitin' ... I'm at Vroman's up in the Fillmore. Yeah, Vroman's... 'Course you don't hang out here; it's for the brothers. I'll be there in a minute. You don't move your ass, right? +Where's luther? Be polite. Say hello. This is Candy. +Be polite. Say hello. This is Candy. Hello. And goodbye. +What about Luther? What about Ganz? +We missed. You missed ... Luther took a taxi to the hotel across the street. Made a phone call. +You missed ... Luther took a taxi to the hotel across the street. Made a phone call. Maybe we should pay Luther a visit. +Maybe we should pay Luther a visit. Let him get some sleep. He's going to need it. +"They must have set up a meeting for the morning; Luther left an 8 am wake-up and put up the ""Don't Disturb"" sign. He's trading his girl for the money. All we have to do to grab Ganz is not go blind." So you took the rest of the night off... +Tell me something. Why didn't you just take the money off Luther and split? Forget it. I want Ganz as bad as you do and I got some other news for you... +I don't know why, but I'm going to let you keep it. Maybe because you told me you had it, or maybe just because I'm too tired to argue... You sure that's the reason? +Thanks for callin' in... and I guess Maybe... Look, I'm sorry I called you Watermellon nigger... those kinds of things. I was just leanin' on ya, doin' my job. Bein' good at your job don't explain everything, Jack ... +Bein' good at your job don't explain everything, Jack ... Yeah. Guess not. +Yeah, I see her. I can just take her right across the street to Luther's hotel. All I need is some money for the room. +That was quick. When you been in prison three years, it don't take long. Let's go. +When you been in prison three years, it don't take long. Let's go. Why? +Why? Luther's on the move... +Notice something funny about that bus? Yeah. It missed the last four stops. +Hey, how'd my car get here? I had it impounded. Come on, we'll use it for haulin' you back to the slam. +I had it impounded. Come on, we'll use it for haulin' you back to the slam. Back to jail in my own car. Ganz got away. Got all my money. It just don't seem right. +Back to jail in my own car. Ganz got away. Got all my money. It just don't seem right. I don't know about you, but I could use a drink... I'll buy you one. It'll be my good-bye present. +Sorry we didn't do better, Jack. I feel like I let you down. Naw, you didn't let me down. It was a long shot all the way. We gave 'em a good run at it. +Naw, you didn't let me down. It was a long shot all the way. We gave 'em a good run at it. Yeah, but we didn't get 'em. +It's late, they're closing... Don't worry about it. +Yeah, well the only woman of the Indian's we ran into was shacked up with her dyke girlfriend. I guess she went with him before she came outta the Closet ... They both looked mad enough to kill him... Yeah, too bad. They were real nice lookin' too...In bed together, hardly any clothes one watching TV... +Do I get to kiss her too? If she's right, and if you don't screw up. +What if your girl's theory turns out to be bullshit? I mean, they could be in Rio de Janeiro. I've got to play it rough with them. If they know anything, I'm gonna know it. +Hey, there she is... Whatever play I maker just back me up. +Whatever play I maker just back me up. If we run into Billy first, let me try and talk him in. +If we run into Billy first, let me try and talk him in. Sure, I'll give you a shot at it, but Ganz is mine. You know, that big Indian plays it for keeps... +Sure, I'll give you a shot at it, but Ganz is mine. You know, that big Indian plays it for keeps... Yeah, and I know Ganz sure ain't no sweetheart... I wouldn't like it if this partnership ended before it gets started. +Yeah, and I know Ganz sure ain't no sweetheart... I wouldn't like it if this partnership ended before it gets started. Partnership? +Partnership? Well, you got to admit we come a long way. +You okay? Yeah. But I wasn't there for a second. +Yeah. But I wasn't there for a second. You did pick a real strange time to go and be brave all on your own... +Okay, reggie, start bustin' my chops... Tell me how great you were with that chick. Hey, Jack, real men don't have to go in for that macho bullshit ... but I was fantastic. +Wait a minute, Cates. I've been waitin' three years for that. I don't think it's fair, man. What about the merit system.? You were gonnna give me a few thousand. There's nothin' to talk about. +It's your money. It'll be here in six months when you get out. And you're tellin' me you don't want any of this cash? +And you're tellin' me you don't want any of this cash? That's right. Not my style, Reggie.. +That's right. Not my style, Reggie.. You are an awesomely weird cop. Sure wish there were more like you runnin' around out here. +You are an awesomely weird cop. Sure wish there were more like you runnin' around out here. No, you don't. If I ever get word of you steppin' over the line again, I'm gonna ventilate that suit of yours. +No, you don't. If I ever get word of you steppin' over the line again, I'm gonna ventilate that suit of yours. Spare met Jack. I'm into legit investments from here on in. +Thanks. No trouble, Jack. But, listen, suppose I stay a crook? Where'd you get the idea that you could catch me? +I want to be left alone on this one. Algren was killed with my gun. Yeah, I read the report... +Hey, the bastard's got my gun. I want it back. Jack, come on, there is an official department policy about cop killings. Cop killers represent a special priority because any man crazy enough to kill a cop is a greater threat to an unarmed civilian... In other words, we can't seen like we're in the revenge business... I know, we all know the truth's a little different. +Yeah... Anthing botherin' you besides losin' your gun? +Anthing botherin' you besides losin' your gun? Yeah. It bothers me when cops get hurt while I'm makin' a play. I don't like it. +Yeah. It bothers me when cops get hurt while I'm makin' a play. I don't like it. You might be more of a team player and a little less of a hot dog on this one, Jack. +You might be more of a team player and a little less of a hot dog on this one, Jack. Being a hot dog's worked pretty well for me so far... Besides, I got a lead... +Being a hot dog's worked pretty well for me so far... Besides, I got a lead... Okay. You're not a team player. You gotta do things your own way. Fine. Nail this guy and make us all look good. But you better watch your ass. If you screw up, I can promise you, you're goin' down. +Okay. You're not a team player. You gotta do things your own way. Fine. Nail this guy and make us all look good. But you better watch your ass. If you screw up, I can promise you, you're goin' down. You really know how to send a guy out with a great attitude. He starts to go. +You really know how to send a guy out with a great attitude. He starts to go. Jack? +Jack? Yeah? +Yeah? Try not to get your ass shot to pieces. We got enough dead cops on this one. +Try not to get your ass shot to pieces. We got enough dead cops on this one. I'll keep it in mind. +What the bell happened? I lost them, that's what happened. +I lost them, that's what happened. How did they get away? +How did they get away? They ran. As fast as they could. Caught a train. +Which one pulled the trigger? The Indian. I was about 30 yards away. +The Indian. I was about 30 yards away. You couldn't get to him? +What a screw-up. Right. I screwed up. I fucked up. I messed up. Anybody could have done better, especially you. I bet you're real good at hitting targets through crowds. +Don't duck the bullet Cates. Why didn't you call in for backup instead of makin' a grandstand play? I didn't have the time. +I didn't have the time. Too bad, it would've covered your ass. Now you're in the shit and so's the department. In case you haven't noticed, this wasn't our finest hour... I told you everyone was watchin' on this one. Maybe you better start thinkin' about writin' tickets off a three wheel bike. +He's got more brains and more guts in one corner of his asshole than any cop I've worked with. Just cause you say it with conviction don't mean shit to me... How you gonna take to a pink slip, huh?. +Where the Christ do you think you're going? I'm taking my prisoner back to jail. +That's what you say, Cates... Yeah. +Yeah. But that's what you say about all of us all the tine ... we're always the ones fucking up when you tell it... +But that's what you say about all of us all the tine ... we're always the ones fucking up when you tell it... The truth hurts, doesn't it, buddy? +Somebody steals your gun, you're supposed to file a report. Are you gonna tell me about police procedure? Do me a favor, don't give me a bunch of crap. +Are you gonna tell me about police procedure? Do me a favor, don't give me a bunch of crap. I guess when two cops die on account of your fuck up you want to keep it as quiet as possible... +Is that what this guy Ganz had in the hotel? Every last bit of it. The big guy's room was empty. +Every last bit of it. The big guy's room was empty. I'll help you out. +This guy must have had a .44 like yours, Jack. Now he's got yours. Shit. +Billy Bear... Backup man from the East Bay. Worked with Ganz a few years ago and sprung him from the road gang. +Who are all these? They all pulled a bunch of jobs with Ganz about four years ago. +They all pulled a bunch of jobs with Ganz about four years ago. Wait a minute, wait a minute... who's this? +Wait a minute, wait a minute... who's this? Uhh ... Wong, Henry Wong. He was in on the same job. +Tell me that's not the same guy. Hey ... Dick Tracy. +I think I wanna have a discussion about it with any of the ones still walking. Can we find them? Here's the file. Cates checks the file. +Here's the file. Cates checks the file. One of em's in the slam. +You look awful. So do you...been a long day. +So do you...been a long day. Long night, too, from what I heard ... Word's going around that in addition to losing Ganz for the second time, and in addition to Haden busting you back to Patrolman, some jig beat the crap out of you. +Long night, too, from what I heard ... Word's going around that in addition to losing Ganz for the second time, and in addition to Haden busting you back to Patrolman, some jig beat the crap out of you. Aw, bullshit, you heard wrong. +Aw, bullshit, you heard wrong. Doesn't look like it. +Doesn't look like it. Nothing came in for me yet? No calls? +Nothing came in for me yet? No calls? Nothing. +Bullshit red tape. I'm heading out. How about you? +I got to wait for a call. Okay. See you in the morning... you know, you ought to get some rest... +I almost forgot. That pal of yours from the Vice Squad wants you to call him. What? +Jesus Christ. Why the hell didn't you tell me before? I'm not paid to take your personal calls. He was in some bar. .. off duty. +A cop... I sure ain't his fairy godmother... now I'm looking for Ganz...where is he? +I sure ain't his fairy godmother... now I'm looking for Ganz...where is he? Haven't seen him for years. That's the truth. +Haven't seen him for years. That's the truth. You just took a shot at me, asshole. I think you do know where he is. +You just took a shot at me, asshole. I think you do know where he is. Who gives a fuck what you think? +Ganz and Billy got my girl, Rosalie. I think I met her. Now tell us something we don't know, like where they stashed her. +I think I met her. Now tell us something we don't know, like where they stashed her. I don't know. +He ... he wants me to help him skip town. When? How? +When? How? I dunno ... he's gonna call me... +What am I wanted for? I don't answer questions, I ask 'em... +I don't think your gun's loaded... This is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. You gotta ask yourself just one question. Are you feelin' lucky? +This is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. You gotta ask yourself just one question. Are you feelin' lucky? I still don't think it's loaded. +Hey, you're right. You're hopeless. +You're hopeless. That's the way I see it, too. +I'm all wet. What's wrong with that? +A guy in the bar called me a dumb bitch today. What'd you do? +What'd you do? Irrigated his face with the shot of J and B I'd just poured him. Then I tried to deck the sucker. +Irrigated his face with the shot of J and B I'd just poured him. Then I tried to deck the sucker. I guess he got the message... +I guess he got the message... Then I sit back and I think, I mean, who's to say I'm not a dumb bitch. I work in a bar, right? I can't read a list of my academic credentials to every booze-hound that comes in the place... You are what you do... +Then I sit back and I think, I mean, who's to say I'm not a dumb bitch. I work in a bar, right? I can't read a list of my academic credentials to every booze-hound that comes in the place... You are what you do... Positive self-image problem all over again ... You are who you decide you are unless you're the type that lets assholes decide for you. +Positive self-image problem all over again ... You are who you decide you are unless you're the type that lets assholes decide for you. Aren't you the one that thinks all psychotherapy is bullshit? +Aren't you the one that thinks all psychotherapy is bullshit? I do think all psychotherapy is bullshit. But just because I think it's bullshit doesn't mean I don't know something about it. +I do think all psychotherapy is bullshit. But just because I think it's bullshit doesn't mean I don't know something about it. If this is your idea of sympathetic interest in my problems, I'll take brutal indifference. +If this is your idea of sympathetic interest in my problems, I'll take brutal indifference. Hey, you know what I really think? +Hey, you know what I really think? Tell me--I'm dyin' to hear it. +Tell me--I'm dyin' to hear it. I think you're ashamed to tend bar which is sad because you look great in that outfit they make you wear... You pull down four bills a week which is damn good, and you mix the best Pina Coladas I've ever had... I think that if you need bigger and better things ... then go for em. +You know, if you let me come over to your place once in a while, you could put on a clean shirt in the morning. What makes you think I have any clean shirts at my place? +Maybe you ought to buy me one. Maybe I would if I knew when you were coming back. +That's a fairly crummy way to start a morning. Maybe I got a fairly crummy day ahead. +Maybe I got a fairly crummy day ahead. Maybe that makes a nice excuse. +Maybe that makes a nice excuse. Maybe you don't know what the hell you're talking about. +When you start with that attitude... it's like I don't know who you are. What do you want to know? What difference does it make? I'm the guy in your bed the last three months. I make you feel good. You make me feel good. What the hell else do you want from a guy? +What do you want to know? What difference does it make? I'm the guy in your bed the last three months. I make you feel good. You make me feel good. What the hell else do you want from a guy? I wish you'd stop trying to make me mad so I won't care for you... I wish you'd give me a little more of a chance. +You know something, Jack, you really are hopeless. That's the way I see it, too. +That's the way I see it, too. Call me later. +Call me later. You sure you want me to? +You sure you want me to? Yeah, for some reason, I'm sure... +Thanks for the coffee. I think you forgot this. Hands him his wallet and badge... +I think you forgot this. Hands him his wallet and badge... Guess people ought to know who I am... +Great place for lunch. Yeah, one of my favorites. +Yeah, one of my favorites. You made the front page. +Yeah, Guess it must have been a slow news day... Jack, are you okay? +Jack, are you okay? Sure, okay, fine, no problem... See, there's this kid in jail ... First thing I got to do is go up and see what he knows ... +Look, spare me the macho bullshit about your gun... Bullshit? I'll tell you about bullshit. My gun's a real weapon in the hands of a real maniac who knows how to use it. It isn't my macho bullshit that's killing people, my gun is ... +Bullshit? I'll tell you about bullshit. My gun's a real weapon in the hands of a real maniac who knows how to use it. It isn't my macho bullshit that's killing people, my gun is ... Look, Jack, if you make everything your personal responsibility, you'll turn into a bad cop. It's not a practical way to function... +Look, Jack, if you make everything your personal responsibility, you'll turn into a bad cop. It's not a practical way to function... I didn't get burned, two cops did. Listen, I'll tell you about personnel responsibility. I like to get the job done right. And if I don't get my job done right... I'm for shit. +I didn't get burned, two cops did. Listen, I'll tell you about personnel responsibility. I like to get the job done right. And if I don't get my job done right... I'm for shit. Here it comes again ... the sacred job... +Here it comes again ... the sacred job... That's right. I'm not like you. I'm not gonna sit on my ass wondering what's right and what's wrong... There's a psycho out there killing people with my gun and I'm gonna get him. Because it's my job. And if you don't get that... +That's right. I'm not like you. I'm not gonna sit on my ass wondering what's right and what's wrong... There's a psycho out there killing people with my gun and I'm gonna get him. Because it's my job. And if you don't get that... I get that. The job first. Everything else, especially me, second. I get it. I don't like it. +Just one. Some lady called. Said she's a little hot-headed sometimes... But she still wants her occasional roommate. She'd like to talk it over after she gets off work tonight... if it's humanly possible.... Elaine, look, I'm in the middle of sone stuff right now... I'm not gonna have time to come by. I don't know when I can get there. +Listen, Goddamn it if you think I'm happy about it, you're nuts. I just gotta take care of a few things, okay? This is not the way people who care for each other are supposed to behave. +I'm at work, asshole. Where else? Elaine! I... I'm sorry... I was expecting somebody else... police business. +Elaine! I... I'm sorry... I was expecting somebody else... police business. No wonder you're so popular. +No wonder you're so popular. No, it's I'm just surprised you called. +No, it's I'm just surprised you called. So am I. +The number ... what's the Goddamn number? Jack? What was that? +Elaine, I gotta put you on hold... Jack, wait... +Jack, wait... Just a second, that's all! +Hello. Hi, it's me... +Hi, it's me... Fuck you. +Hey, I don't believe it. Hiya, kid. +Hiya, kid. I ought to have you and your friend thrown out... +I ought to have you and your friend thrown out... Don't. We've had a hard night. +Don't. We've had a hard night. I can see that. Pardon me for saying so, but you look like shit. What happened? +I can see that. Pardon me for saying so, but you look like shit. What happened? We and my pal here have been taking it on the chin for the last few hours... +You real down? I've been better...Dead end. No Ganz, no Indian. +Nothing. No sign of Ganz. No sign of the Indian. Airport's clean. Train station. Bus station. Docks... Shit... Ganz is going to be hard to track. Just a pure schizo ... wires all crossed... totally without any pattern... kill anybody... The Indian... himself... anybody... +Ganz is going to be hard to track. Just a pure schizo ... wires all crossed... totally without any pattern... kill anybody... The Indian... himself... anybody... How do you know? +How do you know? Jack, it's all over the papers. He's an obvious type. But this Indian... +What makes you think they were lesbians, or as you so quaintly put it, dykes? Come on, they were a little old for a slumber party. +Come on, they were a little old for a slumber party. It might pay to reexamine a few of your more primitive notions. I was in bed with a girlfriend watching TV last week, Jack, and one thing we know about me is I happen not to be a lesbian ... Now, if this Indian's girlfriend got upset when you came looking for him, it could just be she's still vulnerable to him. +It might pay to reexamine a few of your more primitive notions. I was in bed with a girlfriend watching TV last week, Jack, and one thing we know about me is I happen not to be a lesbian ... Now, if this Indian's girlfriend got upset when you came looking for him, it could just be she's still vulnerable to him. So what? +So what? When a guy hurts you, then comes back bleeding on his hands and knees, who knows, he might just be irrestible. +When a guy hurts you, then comes back bleeding on his hands and knees, who knows, he might just be irrestible. Hey, Come on, shrink time's over. They wouldn't go see some old girlfriend. +Hey, Come on, shrink time's over. They wouldn't go see some old girlfriend. Oh, yeah, well look where you came when you were down and out. +Whaddya think? What do I know? I'm just a bartender. +What do I know? I'm just a bartender. Let's go, Reggie. +How'd they take it back at headquarters? Usual bullshit. You make one smart move and everybody wants to be your friend... You know somethin', shootin' guys sucks. Especially compared to this. +Usual bullshit. You make one smart move and everybody wants to be your friend... You know somethin', shootin' guys sucks. Especially compared to this. I've been waiting a long time to hear you say that. +I've been waiting a long time to hear you say that. Yeah, bein' a hard-ass all the time is a real drag, but it works. +Three more hours... Where is he? +Where is he? Promised I'd turn my back while he... ah, never mind... +Promised I'd turn my back while he... ah, never mind... Tell me. +Tell me. He's takin' care of the same business I'll be takin' care of - soon as I dry off. +You're impossible... That's what I always say. +Who the hell are you? Name's Hammond, Reggie Hammond. I heard a lot about you. And any friend of Jack's is a friend of mine. +I'm not so sure I can say the same thing...You don't look like a cop. Well, I been workin' the other side of the street for the last few years. And you don't exactly look like a shrink, wearin' that dress... +Well, I been workin' the other side of the street for the last few years. And you don't exactly look like a shrink, wearin' that dress... Shrink major, not a shrink. +Hard man to live with. How would you know? +How would you know? Hey, two days with him is enough. +Hey, two days with him is enough. That's no bull. +He was the only one of my bunch that was my friend... He was loyal, went all the way for you... In all due respect, he sounds kind of pathetic to me. The kind of guy that runs home to his momma or some girlfriend. Have you two ace detectives checked that out? +Hey... Shut up. +Shut up. What the hell's wrong? I didn't do anything. +What do you want? What's goin' on? Shut up. +Stall. What do you want? +Keep stallin'. Alright, I'm coming...hold on. +How hot are they? Hot? Hey, they're not even room temperature. +How ya doin'? Can't complain. +Can't complain. We got a lot to talk about. +We got a lot to talk about. Yeah, old times. +Yeah, old times. We'll follow you. Take it slow,okay? +We'll follow you. Take it slow,okay? Sure, right. +Surprise, Luther. Whaddya want? I thought you were locked up- +Whaddya want? I thought you were locked up- I want the money, asshole, what do you think? The money that Reggie hid... +I want the money, asshole, what do you think? The money that Reggie hid... I don't know what you're talkin' about. +I don't know what you're talkin' about. You want that Indian to snap her neck? +Instead of worryin' about Reggie, you better worry about me... Don't give me this, we were partners. +Don't give me this, we were partners. Billy, go ahead, break it... +Billy, go ahead, break it... No! Don't kill her. I can get you the money. +No! Don't kill her. I can get you the money. When? +When? I can't get it until Monday. Honest. +I can't get it until Monday. Honest. You chickenshit punk... +You chickenshit punk... Honest. The place we stashed it opens Monday morning. I can't get it till then. Monday morning, that's when it opens. After that, I'll get the money to you right away... +Come on, you can trust me. Please. You try to mess with us or go to the cops, I promise you, I'll put holes in her you wouldn't believe. +Let her go. First, the money. +Rosalie, you okay? What are you talkin' about? I said I wouldn't hurt her. +How you doing, man? Not bad, not bad. +You want to go outside? Naw, right here's okay. +You sure? I'm sure. Everybody here's looking at everybody else's ass. +How about some ammo? It's loaded... I got some shells in here. +How much? This is clean shit. No serial numbers and never been used... +This is clean shit. No serial numbers and never been used... Don't mess with me. How much? +Don't mess with me. How much? Five bills. +Five bills. Five. On credit. +Five. On credit. This ain't a credit business. +Yeah, I know that, but this is me and we're old friends. I haven't got the money so what are you gonna do about it? Give it back. +Give it back. Try and take it. +Fuck you. You got no right for this kind of play. I'll got your money to you. No sweat. +Appipulai Leeloo Minai.. Corn-i-Lius? +Corn-i-Lius? At your service. +What're you laughing about? Napoleon... small. +The case..with the stones... Where is it? San Agamat chay bet... envolet! +San Agamat chay bet... envolet! The case was stolen? +Ikset-kiba. Me imanetaba oum dalat! You know exactly where they are! +Vano da, mechteba?! Soun domo kala chon hammas! No, I'm not proud of myself... But we don't have the luxury of choice. +Akta dedero ansila do mektet. I can't pretend to be your husband... David's in great shape. +...We're saved! I'm fucked! +Zorg. Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg... nice to see you again I remember you now..the so called art dealer. +I remember you now..the so called art dealer. I'm glad you got your memory back, Father... Because you're going to need it... Where are the stones? +I'm glad you got your memory back, Father... Because you're going to need it... Where are the stones? ...Why on earth do the stones interest you? +...Why on earth do the stones interest you? Personally, they are of no interest to me, I'd rather sell weapons..but I have a customer... so tell me... +Personally, they are of no interest to me, I'd rather sell weapons..but I have a customer... so tell me... Even it I did know where the stones were I would never tell somebody like you. +Even it I did know where the stones were I would never tell somebody like you. Why? What's wrong with me? +Why? What's wrong with me? ...I'm a priest! I'm here to serve life, All you want to do is destroy it. +...I'm a priest! I'm here to serve life, All you want to do is destroy it. Ah, Father... You are so wrong. Let me explain... +...would you like a drink? No thank you. +No thank you. Follow me.. Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction. Look at this empty glass. +...Look at all these little things... so busy all of a sudden. Notice how each one is useful. What a lovely ballet, so full of form and color. So full of..life! They are robots! +Father, by creating a little destruction, I am, in fact, encouraging life! So, in reality, you and I are in the same business! Destroying a glass is one thing..killing people with the weapons you produce is quite another. +Destroying a glass is one thing..killing people with the weapons you produce is quite another. Let me reassure you Father..I will never kill more people in my entire life than religion has killed in the last 2000 years. +You are a monster, Zorg! I know... +Excuse me, I'm looking for a priest. Weddings are one floor down. Congratulations. +She's not my bride, she's my fare. She's looking for this Vito Cornelius. According to the phone guide he lives here. That's me. But I don't know who she is... where did you find her? +That's me. But I don't know who she is... where did you find her? She dropped in on me... holding this. +Who are you? I brought the girl remember? +I brought the girl remember? The girl? +He's a she! You noticed... +You noticed... There's not a moment to lose! Wake her up, but be gentle about it! This woman is mankind's most precious possession! She is... perfect! +There's not a moment to lose! Wake her up, but be gentle about it! This woman is mankind's most precious possession! She is... perfect! So you do know her. +So you do know her. Uh yes, we're cousins..distant cousins.. +They all like this in your family, father? She's an exception.. +She's an exception.. Thank you so much for your help Mr...? +Thank you so much for your help Mr...? Dallas. Korben Dallas. +Yes. That's fine! Thank you very much. A thousand times over! I might call to check up on her, you know... to see if she's better? +I might call to check up on her, you know... to see if she's better? She's fine, really..don't you worry.. just needs some rest..she's had a very long trip. +She's fine, really..don't you worry.. just needs some rest..she's had a very long trip. I know. I was there when she arrived. +Excuse me! Just one thing! She said something to me a while ago and... I don't really get it... Akta Gamat? "It means, ""Never without my permission""." +"It means, ""Never without my permission""." That's what I thought. +I'm sorry to have to resort to such methods, but we heard about your good luck on he radio and we need the tickets to Fhloston. Is that the usual way priests go on vacation? +Is that the usual way priests go on vacation? We're not going on vacation..we're on a mission.. +We're not going on vacation..we're on a mission.. What kind of mission? +What kind of mission? We have to save the world. +We have to save the world. Good luck.. +Good luck.. Of course. +Of course. Father, I was in the Army for awhile and every time they told us we were on a mission to save the world the only thing that changed was I lost a lot of friends. So thanks for the offer.. but no thanks. +What are you doing? Trying to save your ass so you can save the world. +You're probably very angry with me and I quite understand. But I want you to know I'm fighting for a noble cause. Yeah, I know... to save the world... but right now all I want to do is save Leeloo. +Yeah, I know... to save the world... but right now all I want to do is save Leeloo. Leeloo's in trouble? +Leeloo's in trouble? When is she not in trouble? +When is she not in trouble? Uh.. Have you tried the Diva's suite? +Don't tell me you don't know how all this works? Theoretically, yes! The four Stones form the beam and the Fifth Element is supposed to stand in the middle there, but... I don't have the reference book. I've never seen the Stones work! +There's no light! You told me there were supposed to be four beams of light. Yes, of course, but... The Stones are shut! They have to be open for it to work. +Yes, of course, but... The Stones are shut! They have to be open for it to work. And you don't know how they open, is that what you are saying? +And you don't know how they open, is that what you are saying? That's what I'm saying. +Imagine for a moment that this. thing is not anything that can be identified because it prefers not to be, because it is the antithesis of all we are. Because it is evil.. TOTAL EVIL. One more reason to shoot first eh? +Your theory is interesting Father but I don't think we have time to go into it right now! Time is of no importance, Mr. President. Only life is important. +Time is of no importance, Mr. President. Only life is important. That's exactly what we are going to try and do: Protect the lives of some 200 billion of our fellow citizens! General? You may fire when ready. +We have forty-eight hours, the time it needs to adapt itself to our living conditions. And then? +And then? And then it will be too late. The goal of evil is to wipe out life! All forms of life. For all eternity...Life upsets it. +Is there anything that can stop it? Yes..thank God.. +But what happens if instead of this... Ultimate Warrior... it is EVIL who stands here? White turns to black. Light to Dark. Life to Death. For all eternity. +Did you see that..thing..swallow our battleship like a gum drop? You can't even tell me what it is! I ask you for options you give me bullshit. Give them permission to enter our territories with my warmest regards. Thank you, Mr. President. +What are we going to do? This is government business now. You ought to go home and get some rest, Father. +It's a miracle!!! What is? +What is? I can't wear these clothes! This calls for dignity! I have to dress the part! +Father, will you please explain what's going on? The Supreme Being, the fifth element is here, in our parish!!! It's a miracle!!! +Father. You sure she's the Supreme Being? Absolutely sure There's the triple suns on her gloves! +What's she doing? Learning our history! The last 5000 years that she missed! She's been out of circulation a while, you know. +Uh father, I know she's been through a lot... but the sacred stones..we don't have much time.. Yes. Of course.. +There was this guy with a limp who came a month ago..said he was an art dealer ... Asking all these questions about the Sacred Stones..at the time I didn't think anything of it.. What was his name? I'm so bad with names... I didn't know your size. +They really made her... Perfect. +I got it! Everything here we need to know about Fhloston Paradise Hotel... and a detailed blueprint of the entire hotel! Good work, my son. Now all we need is a way to get there. +Where's Leeloo? On the plane... with Mr. Dallas... the real one. +On the plane... with Mr. Dallas... the real one. It's all my fault. I'm the servant... It's my mission! Here! +You're all safe. Thanks be to God! Later, David! Later! There's not a minute to lose! +You're a good man... She was right to have chosen you... Who? +Who? The Fifth Element... The Supreme Being... Your wife... +Leeloo... is... she's... Yes, and more than that... You must give her the Stones, she's the only one who knows how to use them. +Yes, and more than that... You must give her the Stones, she's the only one who knows how to use them. ...So Cornelius was telling the truth! +She was taught to love the life of others... but not her own. You have to teach her to love if you want her to truly live! I'll help her, I promise, but I think you should tell me where the Stones are! +I'll help her, I promise, but I think you should tell me where the Stones are! Do you love her? +Do you love her? I... I don't know! We hardly know each other... it takes time! +I... I don't know! We hardly know each other... it takes time! I don't have time... I need to know. +I don't have time... I need to know. Listen, the last time I admitted to a woman I loved her ... I never saw her again. +Listen, the last time I admitted to a woman I loved her ... I never saw her again. I would like to have died in peace... +I'm sorry, but... the Stones... They are... with me... +Yeah? Hey bud! Finger here. +I love you too Major, but you haven't called me that since basic training. I was talking to the cat. +I was talking to the cat. Oh, yeah, I forgot.You still prefer your cat to the real thing. +At least, the cat comes back. You still pining for that two timing bitch. Forget her. There are a million women out there. +You still pining for that two timing bitch. Forget her. There are a million women out there. I don't want a million - I just want one. A perfect one. +I don't want a million - I just want one. A perfect one. Don't exist bud. +I just found a picture of you. How do I look? +How do I look? Like shit. +I don't need one. You forgetting who sat next to you for a thousand missions. I know how you drive. +You forgetting who sat next to you for a thousand missions. I know how you drive. Finger! I'm driving a cab now, not a space fighter!! +Finger! I'm driving a cab now, not a space fighter!! How many points you got left on your license? +How many points you got left on your license? Uh... at least fifty. +Uh... at least fifty. In your dreams! See you tonight! +Hello? Hey bud...I'm waiting all day here. +Hey bud...I'm waiting all day here. Finger..man..I'm sorry..listen..I was on the way over but I had a fare fall into my lap.. y'know one of those big fares you just can't resist.. +Finger..man..I'm sorry..listen..I was on the way over but I had a fare fall into my lap.. y'know one of those big fares you just can't resist.. So, just how big was this fare? +So, just how big was this fare? "5'7"", green eyes... long legs... great skin... perfect.." +Uh huh..and I don't suppose you got the name of this..perfect fare.. Leeloo.. +Akina delutan, nou-shan. ...'Scuse me? +Daya deo dono Dato. Dalutan! It there's one thing I don't need advice on, it's how to drive. +...Priest... You're not that bad... Come on we'll get you to a doctor. +Vito... Cor... Ni-lious... Priest... Vito Cornelius? +Eto Akta Gamat! I'm sorry, it's just that... I was told to wake you up gently, so I figured... +...What's your name? Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat. +Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat. Hey, that's... cute... Do you have a nickname, something a little... shorter? +Hey, that's... cute... Do you have a nickname, something a little... shorter? ...Leeloo. +The Fifth Element... Take them and put them in a safe place. +Will the elements be gone now forever from this place? When mankind comes to its senses. We will return. +When mankind comes to its senses. We will return. Knowing mankind as I do, that could take centuries! +Knowing mankind as I do, that could take centuries! Time is of no importance, only life is important. +When EVIL returns so shall we. We will be ready, Lord. +...Hello? You're the nastiest dirtbag I know in this stinking City! +You're the nastiest dirtbag I know in this stinking City! Hi Ma... +Hi Ma... I've been playing twice a week for 20 years, 20 years I've been eating those shitty croquettes. +Are you listening to me, you ingrate! Yes ma.. +Other than that... You all right? ...And now you're making fun of me? I'm warning you! If you don't take me after all these years of sacrifice, I'll never forgive you!! +I'm coming!. Ma, what're you talking about? I get it! You want to make me beg, is that it? +I get it! You want to make me beg, is that it? All I want is an explanation! I just got in, I lost my job. I smashed my cab. I got mugged, but other than that everything's peachy, Ma, thanks for asking!! Now settle down and explain to me calmly.. +You just won a trip, you dolt! Ten days in Fhloston Paradise for two! Ma. If I'd won, I'd know about it. Someone would have notified me. +Ma. If I'd won, I'd know about it. Someone would have notified me. They've been blaring out your name on the radio for the last hour, blockhead! +Yeah? Have you pulled yourself together? +Have you pulled yourself together? ...Not yet. +Hello? You little sleaze bag! +You little sleaze bag! ...Ma??? +...Ma??? Don't you ever ask me for another thing in my life again, you've killed your poor mother with your own hands! +Welcome on board Mr. Dallas.. How you doing this morning? Sleep OK? I didn't. +Fuel level 6.03..Propulsion 2x4... I had the worst goddamn nightmare. +I had the worst goddamn nightmare. You have nine points left on your license.. +You have nine points left on your license.. Thanks for reminding me.. +I'm sorry.. This is a police control action.. +30 seconds... Anyone know how to release the lines on this crate? +6... 5... Found it? +...Hi. Does it get any better or what! +...Quiver ladies, he's gonna set the world on fire right here from 5 to 7! You'll know everything there is to know about the D-man. His dreams, his desires, his most intimate of intimates. And from what I'm looking at intimate is the stud muffin's middle name. So tell me my main man... you nervous in the service? Uh... not really. +I didn't come here to play Dumbo on the radio. So tomorrow between 5 and 7 give yourself a hand, that clear pal? Crystal. +My main man! Please don't leave me here alone. My head's killing me and my adoring fans are gonna tear me apart! Get me outta here! I'll take you to the bar, after that, you're on your own. +I'll take you to the bar, after that, you're on your own. Oh, yes! Do that! You treat me right, man. Tell me all about yourself, your roots, your personal life, your childhood dreams... +Oh, yes! Do that! You treat me right, man. Tell me all about yourself, your roots, your personal life, your childhood dreams... I don't think this is a good time... +I don't think this is a good time... ...You got brothers and sisters? What about your dad? Tell me about your dad! What was he like? Physically? Big, I suppose? +...You got brothers and sisters? What about your dad? Tell me about your dad! What was he like? Physically? Big, I suppose? Yeah, very big, a giant. +Yeah, very big, a giant. I didn't have a dad... never saw him... never even heard him. 50 billion people listen to me every day... and he doesn't hear me... +You don't do what I say... I'll waste you myself. Got it? Got it... +Six to the left. One to the right. He's on vacation. +He's on vacation. We got to find the leader. Mangalores don't fight without a leader. +Maybe we oughta be going, what do you think? Not without Leeloo. +Like Korben, can I have 30 seconds of your time here? I'll be right back. +You know how to fly this thing? It's like a cab isn't it? +I don't even know what I'm looking for! Fuck it! Hold tight! +Solid little jobs, aren't they? Dear listeners, your favorite DJ is alive and kicking. It's seven o'clock and time for the news. Tune in tomorrow for another adventure. +What did you say? What did you do? Nothing! Swear to God, I didn't do nothing! +Nothing! Swear to God, I didn't do nothing! Look, you did something that set it off. Try to remember. Concentrate. Tell me exactly what you did!! +Is that all? Yeah... then I sighed... like this. +Major Dallas, if our calculations are correct you still have 57 hours owed to the Federal Army on your enlistment which is more than you will need for a mission of the utmost importance. What mission? +What mission? To save the world. +To save the world. Where have I heard this song before? +Where have I heard this song before? You're to leave immediately for Fhloston Paradise. Retrieve four Stones from the Diva Plavalaguna. And bring them back with the utmost discretion as possible. Any questions'? +You're to leave immediately for Fhloston Paradise. Retrieve four Stones from the Diva Plavalaguna. And bring them back with the utmost discretion as possible. Any questions'? Just one... why me? +Just one... why me? Three reasons... One: As part of The Elite Special Forces Unit of the Federated Army you are an expert in the use of all weapons and spacecraft needed for this mission. +Two: Of all the members of your unit you were the most highly decorated. And the third one? +And the third one? You're the only one left alive... +Don't you open your messages? I've had enough good news for today +I've had enough good news for today You have won the annual Gemini contest and a trip to Fhloston Paradise. For two. Congratulations. Here are your tickets. +You couldn't come up with something a little more discreet? Old tricks are the best tricks eh? +Old tricks are the best tricks eh? I'm not going. +I'm not going. Why not? +Why not? One reason... I want to stay the only one left alive. +...Shit! What is it? +It's my wife. I thought you were divorced. +I thought you were divorced. I mean my future.. my ex.. My future ex.. if she sees you here I'm finished. She hates you guys. It's what killed us in the first place. Please... +...Sorry, General, but we've got no choice! It'll only take a minute! Let me set up another meeting and I'll be back. Three of us will never fit in there! +Three of us will never fit in there! Oh, yes you will... +Apipoulai! "I suppose that means ""Hi"" ?" +Valo massa... Chacha hamas. Uh..you're welcome. +You hear that? Cornelius.. +Cornelius.. Oh god! +Dinoine chagantakat! Took the words right out of my mouth. Go on... I'll be right with you. It's our honeymoon. We're going to use the trip to get to know each other better. +Apipoulai! Not hard to find you...just follow the Chaos... +Love... "Yes! But ""love"" isn't the operative word here, PEACE is!" +Sometimes you can't learn everything from a screen..sometimes it's better to ask someone who has experience.. What is... Make Love? +Finished what? Learning language. +Learning language. Which one? +Which one? All 900. +You learned 900 languages in five minutes?! Yes! Now it's your turn! I learned your language, you have to learn mine! +Yes! Now it's your turn! I learned your language, you have to learn mine! "I know how to say ""Hello"". Teach me how to say ""Good-bye"", that's all I need." +"I know how to say ""Hello"". Teach me how to say ""Good-bye"", that's all I need." Apipoussan! +Apipoussan! Apipoussan? +Apipoussan? "Good! Do you know how we say ""make love""?" +"Good! Do you know how we say ""make love""?" Uh... +Uh... ...Hoppi-hoppa. +Here we go again... You know women normally change five times more than men. +You know women normally change five times more than men. You get that off the screen? +You get that off the screen? Yes... you know there's a lot of differences between men women. +Yes... you know there's a lot of differences between men women. You noticed.. +You noticed.. OK, you can turn around! +Where you going? I'm going to see the Diva sing. What's the matter?... Do I look bad? +I'm going to see the Diva sing. What's the matter?... Do I look bad? No, not at all! I mean, just the opposite, you're... you're beautiful! +I told you I need to work in peace. Remember? I need to concentrate. And you can't concentrate with me around?. +And you can't concentrate with me around?. It's difficult. +You're nothing but a... a... The words you're looking for weren't in the dictionary you studied. I won't be long. +I'm so very sad. Why? We did pretty well, wouldn't you say? +Why? We did pretty well, wouldn't you say? Five hundred wars... Arms... Drugs... Money... Everything you create is used to destroy... +Five hundred wars... Arms... Drugs... Money... Everything you create is used to destroy... I told you not to read all that crap! +I told you not to read all that crap! Protect life... Until death. +Leeloo? The Stones! We have to open them! How does it work? The wind blows... the fire burns... +The wind blows... the fire burns... I know all that, Leeloo! I'm talking about the Stones. +I know all that, Leeloo! I'm talking about the Stones. ...The rain falls... +It's up to you now, Angel! I'm so tired... +I'm so tired... You can sleep tomorrow... come on... +You can sleep tomorrow... come on... I want to sleep... forever... +I want to sleep... forever... Leeloo! Listen to me! I'll take you on a vacation afterwards! A real vacation, this time, for as long as you want. Come on! You can do it! +What's the use of saving lives... when you see what you do with them! You're right but there are lots of good things... beautiful things... +You're right but there are lots of good things... beautiful things... ...Like love... +...Like love... Exactly. +Exactly. But I don't know love... I'm like a machine programmed to save other people's lives but never to have one of my own. +I have thousands of memories but none of them are mine... There is no need for me other than this. I'm immortal but I have no life. Yes, you do! I need you. More than you can imagine! Stand up straight! +Yes, you do! I need you. More than you can imagine! Stand up straight! Why?... Why would you need me? +Why?... Why would you need me? Because... +Tell me... I love you... +Not going to open? I've never gotten a message that wasn't bad news. +I've never gotten a message that wasn't bad news. How someone strong like you scared from a message? Is good news I sure! +How someone strong like you scared from a message? Is good news I sure! The last two messages I got? The first one was from my wife telling me she was leaving! And the second was from my lawyer telling me he was leaving too... with my wife. +The last two messages I got? The first one was from my wife telling me she was leaving! And the second was from my lawyer telling me he was leaving too... with my wife. "You right that is bad.. but mathematically luck must change! Grandfather say: ""It never rain every day."" This is good news guarantee.. I bet you lunch!" +At least I won lunch. Good philosophy..see good in bad.. I like..I prepare number one dessert.. special for you and pussy.. +The cash man! Been here long? +Been here long? Don't fuck with me man or I'll blow you into tomorrow! +Isn't that a Z140? Alleviated titanium. Neuro charged assault model? Uh.. +Uh.. You know you could hurt someone with this puppy..good thing it's not loaded.. +It's not? You gotta push the little yellow button... +Thanks.. You're welcome.. +This is all that survived? Actually only one cell survived.. +Actually only one cell survived.. Have you identified it? +Have you identified it? It's not that easy..we've never encountered anything like it before..you see normal human beings have 40 DNA memo groums..which is more than enough for any species to perpetuate itself..This one has 200,000. +It's not that easy..we've never encountered anything like it before..you see normal human beings have 40 DNA memo groums..which is more than enough for any species to perpetuate itself..This one has 200,000. Talk English Doc. +Talk English Doc. This cell is like a huge library. It has infinite genetic knowledge stored inside. Almost like it was...engineered. +This cell is like a huge library. It has infinite genetic knowledge stored inside. Almost like it was...engineered. Sounds like a freak of nature to me. +Sounds like a freak of nature to me. Yes... I can't wait to meet him. +The compositional elements of his DNA chain are the same as ours, there are simply more of them tightly packed. His knowledge is probably limitless.. Is there any danger? Some kind of virus? +Is there any danger? Some kind of virus? We put it through the cellular hygiene detector. The cell is for lack of a better word... perfect. +...This is the crucial phase, The reconstruction of pigment. Cells are bombarded with slightly greasy solar atoms which forces the body cells to react, to protect themselves. That means growing skin. Clever, eh? Wonderful! +This thing solid? An elephant couldn't crack it. +Mr. President, let me introduce you to Professor Mactilburgh, who runs the center. It's an honor to receive you. Mr. President. +I managed to contact the Mondoshawan. They deplore the incident, but accept our apologies. And the Stones? Did you find them in the wreckage? +And the Stones? Did you find them in the wreckage? The-Stones weren't aboard the ship. +The-Stones weren't aboard the ship. ...What do you mean? +I want your best man on this! Don't worry, Sir. I have the perfect one. +They just landed in the desert. How much time is left? +Staedert, do you read me? I can hear you, Mr. President, but I can't see you . +Is that better? Perfect, Mr. President. +Perfect, Mr. President. I have to address the Supreme Council in 10 minutes. Just the facts, General. +I have to address the Supreme Council in 10 minutes. Just the facts, General. There are no results from the chemical and molecular analysis as of yet, all the calibers are overshot..we're hoping a thermo nucleatic imaging.. +There are no results from the chemical and molecular analysis as of yet, all the calibers are overshot..we're hoping a thermo nucleatic imaging.. What you are saying is you don't know what this..thing..is. +Not yet Sir..The only thing we know is it just keeps getting bigger! Options. +Options. Wait or act. +Wait or act. Recommendations. +Recommendations. My philosophy Mr. President is shoot first ask questions later. I don't like uninvited guests. +My philosophy Mr. President is shoot first ask questions later. I don't like uninvited guests. Gentlemen? +Staedert? What's going on? Did you destroy it? I'm about to, Mr. President. +Lord forgive me.. they already know too, much.. """..in which all the history of the Universe resides ..all the strength..all the hope..Protect us from Evil..""" +"""..in which all the history of the Universe resides ..all the strength..all the hope..Protect us from Evil..""" Amen.. +Father.. it in the most extraordinary thing.. the greatest find in history..can you imagine the implications. Only too well... here you must be parched.. +A weapon against evil. Amazing! I am going to be famous. Then let us toast to your fame! Here Billy.. +Drink! To fame.. salud.. +How's that? Can you hear me better now? Yes, Mr. Zorg, I hear you perfectly! So, how was the concert? +Yes, Mr. Zorg, I hear you perfectly! So, how was the concert? Who gives a shit! I didn't come here to listen to music! Listen up instead of running off at the mouth! The batteries on my phone are almost gone. +Who gives a shit! I didn't come here to listen to music! Listen up instead of running off at the mouth! The batteries on my phone are almost gone. Yes, Sir! +Yes, Sir! Dispatch me another ZFX200 immediately. Someone stole mine. +Dispatch me another ZFX200 immediately. Someone stole mine. Right away, Sir. I'll send you a new one to the hotel. +Right away, Sir. I'll send you a new one to the hotel. I'm not at the hotel! +Am I disturbing you? No... not at all. Where are you? +...Not far, now. Really? Maybe I can get you on my screen and see you at last! +Do you have the picture now Mr. Zorg? Got it. +Got it. How's our deal coming along? +How's our deal coming along? Fine, just fine! I'll have the 4 pieces you asked for any time now. But it wasn't easy. My costs have tripled. +The Stones will be here. I'll see to it personally! ...I can't wait to be among you. +Welcome home. Do you know how much I missed you? +What's this... have you been smoking... ? Smoking? I'm not smoking. +Smoking? I'm not smoking. Your clothing reeks of it. +Your clothing reeks of it. "You know, Amy, I've been sitting around in bars and everywhere following this guy... I mean, is this what I get first thing? Before you even ""hello,"" you accuse me... ?" +"You know, Amy, I've been sitting around in bars and everywhere following this guy... I mean, is this what I get first thing? Before you even ""hello,"" you accuse me... ?" I'm not accusing you... +I'm not accusing you... Well, I'm not smoking, okay? +Well, I'm not smoking, okay? Okay, I believe you. +Okay, I believe you. We've been all through that. I've been on my best behavior. +How's the detective business? Business was fine. I'll tell you what, you couldn't pay me enough to live down there. +Business was fine. I'll tell you what, you couldn't pay me enough to live down there. You better not be smoking, that's all I can say. +You better not be smoking, that's all I can say. Honey, I'm not, please... +I love you. I love you. +You think you'll have time for the water heater this weekend? Sure. I'll call the guy. +Sure. I'll call the guy. You're not using the same guy who tried to fix it? +You're not using the same guy who tried to fix it? I'm not using him again for anything. He was worthless. You have bridge here Saturday? +I'm not using him again for anything. He was worthless. You have bridge here Saturday? Betty's out of town so we're playing next week. +This is the mortgage. This is Cindy's college money. I understand. +I understand. Sometimes you can't know what I'm doing. It's better that way. +Sometimes you can't know what I'm doing. It's better that way. I know. +I know. It's a missing persons case... a long shot. I'll give it two months, two months at most, then I'll be back. We'll take a vacation. +It's a missing persons case... a long shot. I'll give it two months, two months at most, then I'll be back. We'll take a vacation. Why the gun? +Why the gun? I'm not gonna need it. I won't even wear it. It's a precaution. Don't worry about me. +Hello? Amy, it's me. Listen very carefully.. +Amy, it's me. Listen very carefully.. Tom? Where have you been... ? +Amy, just listen. Take Cindy and get out of the house. Do it now. Go to a hotel and stay there... What's wrong? Are you alright? +What's wrong? Are you alright? I'm okay. Please, honey, I can't explain. Don't use the phone, just pack a bag and get out. I'm on my way. I'll be back at the house in three hours. Call me from the hotel when you get there +I'm okay. Please, honey, I can't explain. Don't use the phone, just pack a bag and get out. I'm on my way. I'll be back at the house in three hours. Call me from the hotel when you get there ... What's going on? +... What's going on? Just do it, Amy, please, go. +What happened to you? I'm okay, honey, I'm okay. Are you alright? +I'm okay, honey, I'm okay. Are you alright? What's going on, Tom? What happened? +What's going on, Tom? What happened? I can't tell you, Amy. You know I can't. You have to trust me... +I can't tell you, Amy. You know I can't. You have to trust me... Tom... +Tom... It has to be this way for now. It won't be long. +Why haven't you called? Why don't you answer your phone? I don't know. I'm sorry... +I don't know. I'm sorry... You're sorry? What was I supposed to think? +You owe me an explanation. You can't treat me like this. I wanted to call. I couldn't. +I wanted to call. I couldn't. You couldn't? +You couldn't? You don't understand... +You don't understand... No, I don't, because you're not telling me anything! +No, I don't, because you're not telling me anything! I was in hell. If I called you... if I heard your voice... it would have been so easy for me to quit. I couldn't do that. +You should have. Amy, I'm not going to let anything happen to us. +Amy, I'm not going to let anything happen to us. Look where we are. Look at yourself. You son of a bitch, you don't have any idea what you're putting me through... +Look where we are. Look at yourself. You son of a bitch, you don't have any idea what you're putting me through... I don't know what to say +I don't know what to say You're killing me... +You're killing me... Don't... +Don't... What was I supposed to think happened to you?! +What was I supposed to think happened to you?! Amy... +Who are you calling? Mrs. Christian. +Mrs. Christian. What? +What? She's all I've got. She's the only witness. +She's all I've got. She's the only witness. Tom... she's dead. +She died in her sleep three days ago. It was in the paper... I just talked to her. +What are these? Mixed hard bondage. Rape films. Sick shit. Buy five, get one free. +Anything harder? There's nothing harder. +There's nothing harder. Snuff? +Snuff? What you see is what I got, mister. +What you see is what I got, mister. You know where I can get it? I have a lot of money to spend. +You know where I can get it? I have a lot of money to spend. There ain't no such thing as snuff. Why don't you fuck off? +What do you want? I just got a call... two seconds ago, some motherfucker called... says he knows about the loop. +I just got a call... two seconds ago, some motherfucker called... says he knows about the loop. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? The loop! The girl we did, what the fuck do you think I'm talking about?! This guy calls and says he knows about the fucking loop... +The loop! The girl we did, what the fuck do you think I'm talking about?! This guy calls and says he knows about the fucking loop... Bullshit. +Bullshit. I'm telling you... +I'm telling you... Blow me, you paranoid fuck, that's impossible. Why are you bothering me with this... ? +Blow me, you paranoid fuck, that's impossible. Why are you bothering me with this... ? Because somebody just fucking called me and fucking laid it out! +Because somebody just fucking called me and fucking laid it out! There's nothing there, you brain- dead cunt. Think about it. There's absolutely no way in this world to connect us to anything. I want you to hang the phone up, and if you call me about this again I'm going to send a friend of mine out there and have him crack you open with a fucking rib spreader. +There's nothing there, you brain- dead cunt. Think about it. There's absolutely no way in this world to connect us to anything. I want you to hang the phone up, and if you call me about this again I'm going to send a friend of mine out there and have him crack you open with a fucking rib spreader. Dino... +Dino... Nobody knows anything. +What the fuck... ! I promised him to Machine. +It's an honor to meet you. Thank you for seeing us. What can I do for you today? +I'd like to commission a work. I'm a great admirer of yours. Flattering. And, who's your colorful little chum? +Flattering. And, who's your colorful little chum? A fellow investor. +A fellow investor. Hmm. +You said something about money. Yes. What we're looking for is rather specific. +That's five thousand dollars. Is it? +Is it? Five thousand now, five thousand on delivery. Two women, one white and one black, as long as they have large breasts. Hard bondage, or course. Other than that, trusting your artistic interpretation, I have only two stipulations. +Five thousand now, five thousand on delivery. Two women, one white and one black, as long as they have large breasts. Hard bondage, or course. Other than that, trusting your artistic interpretation, I have only two stipulations. And they are? +And they are? I want to watch you work. +I want to watch you work. I'll consider it. +I'll consider it. And the other performer... it has to be that monster you use... the man in the mask. +And the other performer... it has to be that monster you use... the man in the mask. Machine. +Machine. If it's not him, there's no deal. +He might be interested... but it would mean another five thousand. We can do that. +We can do that. Well, well, I'll have to put my thinking-cap on about all this. You'll leave the money as a deposit? Very good. +You have a beautiful face... the way the light hits it. I'd like to take your picture. You don't mind? I'd rather you didn't. +I'd rather you didn't. What's the problem? +What's the problem? I'm camera shy. +I'm camera shy. You trust me to keep your money, but not to take your picture? +You trust me to keep your money, but not to take your picture? Those are two different kinds of trust. Thank you for your time. I hope we can do business. +I'll do this for you. Fifteen thousand dollars. Machine's in? +Machine's in? He's in. It will be his pleasure. +Where's that? Brooklyn. Don't be late. +You brought the money? Right here. +Excellent. Where are the women? +Where are the women? They should be here any minute. +What are these for? Hmm? Oh, the knifes? They're just props. Nice, aren't they? +Hmm? Oh, the knifes? They're just props. Nice, aren't they? Sure. +Mister Welles... would you be so kind as to remove any firearms from your person? What are you... ? +What are you... ? Take out your gun! +Empty the gun onto the table, very carefully. Look, I don't know what this... +Look, I don't know what this... Shut up, cunt! Do exactly as I say, or I'll put this arrow through your throat. +You remember Mr. Longdale, don't you? I remember him. +Friend of yours? Look, he's got nothing to do with this... let him go... +Look, he's got nothing to do with this... let him go... Can you guess what I'm going to say next? +Can you guess what I'm going to say next? He doesn't know anything... he's got nothing to do with this... +He doesn't know anything... he's got nothing to do with this... Bring the film, or we kill him. +I'll get it. It's in a safe deposit box, in the city... How cooperative. Longdale will keep you company. +Is that him? Put the gun down, take the handcuffs. Handcuff yourself to the bed. +Don't let Longdale's questionable choice of weapon give you any ideas. If his fey little gun puts enough little holes in you, you'll be just as dead... and so will Max. Move it, dirtbag... ! +You're a dead man. Leave him alone. +Leave him alone. Fuck off. +... sorry... First things first. You might want to watch this, Mr. Welles... +You got the guts, tough guy? Gonna kill us all, is that it? You betrayed us. +What can I do for you, Mr. Welles? Call me Tom. +Call me Tom. Alright, Tom. +Alright, Tom. What I'd like, very simply, is access to your archive. And, now I understand this isn't something you normally do for private citizens... +What I'd like, very simply, is access to your archive. And, now I understand this isn't something you normally do for private citizens... There are reasons for the way we do things here. +There are reasons for the way we do things here. Absolutely. Of course I'll abide by whatever decision you make, but I'd appreciate if you'll hear me out... +Few days ago, I was contacted by a couple living in Philadelphia, a doctor and his wife. What happened was they picked up a young girl hitchhiking off 81, which heads into Philadelphia, started up a conversation with this girl, she looked homeless, seemed about eighteen maybe. They convinced her to let them buy her a meal in the city. Nice kid, mature, didn't have much to say, but they got a sense she's a runaway, so all through dinner the doctor's working on her, trying to convince her that at the very least she should pick up a telephone. Not surprisingly, she ate her food, excused herself... That's the last they saw her. The reason they came to me for help, the reason I'm coming to you, is we had a friend of mine in the department work up a sketch... They want to see if I can I.D. this girl, somehow pass along a message to let the parents know the kid's alive, doing alright. Why not go to the N.C.I.C. or N.C.M.E.C.? +Why not go to the N.C.I.C. or N.C.M.E.C.? I figured you share information. +I figured you share information. We do. +We do. For whatever reasons I thought you might be more receptive. +For whatever reasons I thought you might be more receptive. Why don't they come to me? +Why don't they come to me? This doctor and wife, they're nice people, but they don't want to get too involved. They're not trying to have the parents come looking for the girl either. You and I both know sometimes, not often, but sometimes there's real reasons why a kid'll run. Molestation, whatever. Besides that, the girl's probably eighteen, so she's legal. +This doctor and wife, they're nice people, but they don't want to get too involved. They're not trying to have the parents come looking for the girl either. You and I both know sometimes, not often, but sometimes there's real reasons why a kid'll run. Molestation, whatever. Besides that, the girl's probably eighteen, so she's legal. I'm not so sure about this. +I'm not so sure about this. They're putting themselves in place of this kid's parents and thinking they'd want to hear their girl's okay, even if that's all they hear. +They're putting themselves in place of this kid's parents and thinking they'd want to hear their girl's okay, even if that's all they hear. I can give you my card, if your clients want to call me... +They were pretty clear they didn't want this coming back on them. Well, that's all I can do. Sorry. +Files are mostly by state and year of disappearance. We try to keep the children and adults separate. No eating or smoking in here, but there's a coffee machine in the hall. Any good? +Any good? It's horrible, but it'll be your best friend after a few days. I hope you realize what kind of long shot you're chasing after. +It's horrible, but it'll be your best friend after a few days. I hope you realize what kind of long shot you're chasing after. You're gonna be seeing a lot of me. You're sure you don't mind? +You're gonna be seeing a lot of me. You're sure you don't mind? It's good what you're doing. +Celebrity Films. Eddie. +Eddie. Yeah, who's this? +Yeah, who's this? I know what you did. +I know what you did. What? +What? I know what you did. +I know what you did. Who is this. +Who is this. You murdered that girl, Eddie. Six years ago... +You murdered that girl, Eddie. Six years ago... What the fuck are you.. ? +What the fuck are you.. ? You killed that girl and you put it on film. You and your pals, you're fucked. You fucked up real good. +What's he talking about? One million dollars, Dino. How much did he tell you he had... +I'm gonna kill you. Don't bore me with that bullshit. +Don't bore me with that bullshit. How'd you find me here? +Don't ask questions. Fuck you! +Starting to recognize a pattern? What do you want? +What do you want? Who is Machine? +Who is Machine? I don't know... +I don't know... I want his name. +I want his name. I told you, I don't know. +I told you, I don't know. I will never get tired of hurting you, Eddie, so you might want to change your attitude. +I will never get tired of hurting you, Eddie, so you might want to change your attitude. What the fuck am I gonna protect that freak for? He was Dino's boy, not mine. He shows up with his mask on, leaves with his mask on. Nobody knows. +Okay, we'll come back to that. So, six years ago a guy contacts you, through the classifieds, over the phone, however he does it. It's Longdale, looking for a snuff film. And you, entrepreneur that you are, tell him you can hook him up. Yeah, the fucking lawyer. +Yeah, the fucking lawyer. Told him you could get him a snuff film. +Told him you could get him a snuff film. Yeah. +Yeah. How much did he pay you? +How much did he pay you? Thirty thousand each, that fucking cocksucker. +Thirty thousand each, that fucking cocksucker. That's all? Thirty each. That's all it took for you to murder her? +That's all? Thirty each. That's all it took for you to murder her? It was a lot of fucking money. +So... you brought Dino in, and he brought Machine. And, one day, a girl walked into your office because you had an ad in the paper for models. And she never walked out. Something like that. +Something like that. What did you do, knock her out, shoot her up... ? +What did you do, knock her out, shoot her up... ? What the fuck do you want from me? +What the fuck do you want from me? I want to know. I want to know exactly what you did to her! +I want to know. I want to know exactly what you did to her! Fuck you then, you want to know? I talked her up, told her how beautiful she was, told her she was gonna be a star. I told her I was gonna get her a screen test, and while I'm doing that, I got her a soda and dropped a mickey. When it was dark enough, I rang Dino and told him it was go time, I put her in the trunk of my car and we went and we fucking did it. That's what happened. She's dead. She's been dead a long fucking time. Nobody fucking cares! +Show me where you did it, on the map, exactly where you did it. Why? +Why? Because we're going there. +I don't know. I felt like it. I never saw anyone get done before. You enjoy it? +You enjoy it? Made me sick, but what did I care? What did I care if some hump wants to beat off to that. It was just something I was doing for money. +Made me sick, but what did I care? What did I care if some hump wants to beat off to that. It was just something I was doing for money. Tell me what happened. +Tell me what happened. What do you want to know? You saw it, you saw the loop... +What do you want to know? You saw it, you saw the loop... Nobody saw you bring her in? +Nobody saw you bring her in? There wasn't nobody around. This place was a shit-hole. I backed up the car to the door and we carried her in, like groceries. Dino made her eat a bunch of pills, we laid out the plastic, put film in the camera and Machine went to work. +There wasn't nobody around. This place was a shit-hole. I backed up the car to the door and we carried her in, like groceries. Dino made her eat a bunch of pills, we laid out the plastic, put film in the camera and Machine went to work. What did you do with her body? +What did you do with her body? Took it out the bathroom window. Buried it in the woods. +Took it out the bathroom window. Buried it in the woods. Show me. +Keep moving. Where do you think you're taking this, huh? Gonna be a big hero, avenge that little girl's death? Gonna make everything right with the world? How you gonna do that... ? +You can't go to the cops. All you can do is cut me loose and walk away, because you got nothing... Stop talking. +Stop talking. You got absolute zero. +You got absolute zero. Show me where you buried her. +Show me where you buried her. I don't know... ... out there somewhere. +I don't know... ... out there somewhere. Where? Show me where. +Where? Show me where. I fucking don't know. What do you think... we weren't burying treasure. We didn't pace it out so we could come back and get it. We dug a hole and we put her in it. Your guess is as good as mine. +Do it. Don't think I won't. +Don't think I won't. Do it! Put me out of my misery so I don't have to listen to you whining anymore. You think it's so easy? +Do it! Put me out of my misery so I don't have to listen to you whining anymore. You think it's so easy? Easy enough for you. +Easy enough for you. I never killed anyone. +I never killed anyone. "That's right, you just stood there and watched, because you ""felt like it."" Almost makes you worse." +"That's right, you just stood there and watched, because you ""felt like it."" Almost makes you worse." What do you want? You want me to fall to my knees and start crying like a baby... ? +You know how my tapes sell. People eat this stuff up. I had three jerkoffs trying to return your tapes last month. Do you know how bad a skin flick has to be for some jackass to come back into my place with a fucking receipt, and try to fucking return it? +I had three jerkoffs trying to return your tapes last month. Do you know how bad a skin flick has to be for some jackass to come back into my place with a fucking receipt, and try to fucking return it? Maybe there's something wrong with the scumbag customers coming into your place, ever think of that? +Maybe there's something wrong with the scumbag customers coming into your place, ever think of that? The only thing wrong is the cheap, softcore crap you're peddling, Eddie. Where do you get this stuff? +The only thing wrong is the cheap, softcore crap you're peddling, Eddie. Where do you get this stuff? Look, you cocksucker... +Look, you cocksucker... Get together some upscale product where the girls still have teeth in their head. Till then, fuck you. +Get together some upscale product where the girls still have teeth in their head. Till then, fuck you. Fuck you! +Yes, I do have something to say. I insisted on being here as soon as I heard Mrs. Christian contacted you. I'm listening. +I'm listening. As Mr. Christian's attorney and one of the executors of his estate, it concerns me that a meeting of this sort should take place without my being asked to attend. +As Mr. Christian's attorney and one of the executors of his estate, it concerns me that a meeting of this sort should take place without my being asked to attend. Of what sort? +Of what sort? You are a private investigator? +You are a private investigator? That's right. +That's right. Well, whatever reasons Mrs. Christian has for engaging the services of a private investigator, I should certainly be a party to. But, since she feels differently, I can only go on the record as having expressed my adamant disapproval. +You were the middleman, am I right? Old man Christian wasn't about to go shopping for a snuff film himself. Wouldn't exactly have been possible for a man of his stature. +Wouldn't exactly have been possible for a man of his stature. So, he sent you, gave you the money, his errand-boy. And if you refused, it wasn't like you could tell anyone your pervert boss just asked you to get him a snuff film. That's the beauty of lawyer/client privilege. +So, he sent you, gave you the money, his errand-boy. And if you refused, it wasn't like you could tell anyone your pervert boss just asked you to get him a snuff film. That's the beauty of lawyer/client privilege. That's trust. Mr. Christian trusted me implicitly. +That's trust. Mr. Christian trusted me implicitly. Must have paid you a lot, for you to risk everything. Would've had to have cut yourself a real nice piece of money. +Must have paid you a lot, for you to risk everything. Would've had to have cut yourself a real nice piece of money. I was well compensated. +I was well compensated. That's why you got scared when Mrs. Christian hired me. You knew about the film, figured it had to be in that safe. How'd you find me? +That's why you got scared when Mrs. Christian hired me. You knew about the film, figured it had to be in that safe. How'd you find me? Never mind how I found you. +Never mind how I found you. Followed me... must have freaked out when you saw me closing in on your buddies... +Followed me... must have freaked out when you saw me closing in on your buddies... They're no friends of mine. +They're no friends of mine. Except, you're willing commit murder with them. +Except, you're willing commit murder with them. None of this would be happening if you would have left it alone. If you weren't digging up a girl who died six years ago. A girl no one even remembers. +None of this would be happening if you would have left it alone. If you weren't digging up a girl who died six years ago. A girl no one even remembers. Mary Anne Mathews, that was her name. Her mom remembers her. +You found these smut dealers and asked to buy a snuff film, right? Wanted them to find you one. Well, they didn't find you one, Longdale, they went out and made you one... Shut up. +Shut up. Mary Anne Mathews was alive till you paid money to have her murdered. +Mary Anne Mathews was alive till you paid money to have her murdered. Shut your mouth and drive! +Shut your mouth and drive! Did it get him off, huh, watching them cut her up? Tell me, because I really want to understand. Did he jerk off to it? You watch it with him, sit there giving him a handjob while you both watched... ? +You're making me very angry. Just tell me. Tell me some more of the secrets you and Christian shared. What kind of degenerate pervert was he really? What the fuck did he want with a snuff film? +Just tell me. Tell me some more of the secrets you and Christian shared. What kind of degenerate pervert was he really? What the fuck did he want with a snuff film? You're asking me why? +You're asking me why? I'm asking. +A man like Mr. Christian, a great man... all his money, all his power... a man who attained everything there was to attain... Why did he buy a film of some poor, lost girl getting butchered? +Why did he buy a film of some poor, lost girl getting butchered? Isn't it incredibly obvious? +Isn't it incredibly obvious? Enlighten me. +Enlighten me. Because he could. He did it because he could. What other reason were you looking for? +You almost went over your limit. Fuck you. +Give me the film. You'll get it when we get there. +Give me the film. Go ahead, shoot me. Then try driving to Brooklyn with my brains all over the windshield. +He's lying. Look at him. You think he played it square? How much did he give you, how much did he keep for himself? +Big date tonight? Yeah... guess so. +Yeah... guess so. Can I interest you in a battery operated-vagina? +Can I interest you in a battery operated-vagina? Pardon me? +Pardon me? My boss tells me I have to do more suggestive selling. +My boss tells me I have to do more suggestive selling. Well, it's tempting, but no thanks. +Well, it's tempting, but no thanks. It's your call, but you're gonna be sorry when you're in one of those everyday situations that call for a battery-operated vagina and you don't have one. +It's your call, but you're gonna be sorry when you're in one of those everyday situations that call for a battery-operated vagina and you don't have one. I'll risk it. +Once you pick it up you can't put it down. Catchy title. What are you really reading? Hard to believe that book's got any parts worth highlighting. +Truman Capote. I tear off the cover and paste this one on... You know how it is. +I tear off the cover and paste this one on... You know how it is. Wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in front of your fellow perverts. +Wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in front of your fellow perverts. Might get drummed out of the pornographer's union, and then where would I be? +Remember me? Came back for that battery-operated vagina, right? Told you you would. +I need some information. Thought you might be able to help. Thomas Welles. Nice picture. +I don't know what you're looking for, mister, but so we're clear from the start, I'm straight. Good for you. +How long you been working there? Three, four years. +Three, four years. What's your name, if you don't mind me asking? +What's your name, if you don't mind me asking? Max. +Max. Well, here's the deal, Max. This thing I'm on right now has something to do with underground pornography. Stuff that's sold under the counter, illegally... +Well, here's the deal, Max. This thing I'm on right now has something to do with underground pornography. Stuff that's sold under the counter, illegally... There's not much illegal. +There's not much illegal. Well, whatever there is, whoever's dealing, however it's done, I want to know. I want a good look, so if you've got that kind of connection, great. If not, speak now. +Well, whatever there is, whoever's dealing, however it's done, I want to know. I want a good look, so if you've got that kind of connection, great. If not, speak now. You're not a cop, are you? If I ask and you are, you have to tell me. +You're not a cop, are you? If I ask and you are, you have to tell me. I'm not a cop. +I'm not a cop. You're a private eye. Like Shaft. +You're a private eye. Like Shaft. Not quite. +Not quite. From Pennsylvania. P.I. from PA. What are you doing out here? +From Pennsylvania. P.I. from PA. What are you doing out here? Well, there's the thing; you're not gonna know anything about what I'm doing, but you can make some money. +Well, there's the thing; you're not gonna know anything about what I'm doing, but you can make some money. How much? +How much? How much do you make now? +How much do you make now? Four hundred a week, off the books. +Four hundred a week, off the books. Okay, let's pretend I live in the same fantasy world where you make four hundred a week in that dump. I'll give you six hundred for a few days. +Okay, let's pretend I live in the same fantasy world where you make four hundred a week in that dump. I'll give you six hundred for a few days. Sounds good, pops. +Sounds good, pops. Here's my number if you need it... When can you start? +Here's my number if you need it... When can you start? Tomorrow night, I get off at eight. +Tomorrow night, I get off at eight. "See you then. Oh, and, don't call me ""pops.""" +... Hello... ? Wake up, pops. Your education begins tonight. +You've got Penthouse, Playboy, Hustler, etc. Nobody even considers them pornography anymore. Then, there's mainstream hardcore. Triple X. The difference is penetration. That's hardcore. That whole industry's up in the valley. Writers, directors, porn stars. They're celebrities, or they think they are. They pump out 150 videos a week. A week. They've even got a porno Academy Awards. America loves pornography. Anybody tells you they never use pornography, they're lying. Somebody's buying those videos. Somebody's out there spending 900 million dollars a year on phone sex. Know what else? It's only gonna get worse. More and more you'll see perverse hardcore coming into the mainstream, because that's evolution. Desensitization. Oh my God, Elvis Presley's wiggling his hips, how offensive! Nowadays, Mtv's showing girls dancing around in thong bikinis with their asses hanging out. Know what I mean? For the porn-addict, big tits aren't big enough after a while. They have to be the biggest tits ever. Some porn chicks are putting in breast implants bigger than your head, literally. Soon, Playboy is gonna be Penthouse, Penthouse'll be Hustler, Hustler'll be hardcore, and hardcore films'll be medical films. People'll be jerking off to women laying around with open wounds. There's nowhere else for it to go. Interesting theory. +Interesting theory. What you saw tonight, we're not talking about a video some dentist takes home over the weekend. We're talking about stuff where people get hurt. Specialty product. +What you saw tonight, we're not talking about a video some dentist takes home over the weekend. We're talking about stuff where people get hurt. Specialty product. Child pornography. +Child pornography. There's two kinds of specialty product; legal and illegal. Foot fetish, shit films, watersports, bondage, spanking, fisting, she- males, hemaphrodites... it's beyond hardcore, but legal. This is the kind of hardcore where one guy's going to look at it and throw up, another guy looks at it and falls in love. Now, with some of the S+M and bondage films, they straddle the line. How are you supposed to tell if the person tied up with the ball gag in their mouth is a consenting or not? Step over that line, you're into kiddie porn. Rape films, but there aren't many. I've never seen one. +There's two kinds of specialty product; legal and illegal. Foot fetish, shit films, watersports, bondage, spanking, fisting, she- males, hemaphrodites... it's beyond hardcore, but legal. This is the kind of hardcore where one guy's going to look at it and throw up, another guy looks at it and falls in love. Now, with some of the S+M and bondage films, they straddle the line. How are you supposed to tell if the person tied up with the ball gag in their mouth is a consenting or not? Step over that line, you're into kiddie porn. Rape films, but there aren't many. I've never seen one. Snuff films. +Snuff films. I heard you asking. That guy wasn't yanking you around. There's no such thing. +I heard you asking. That guy wasn't yanking you around. There's no such thing. What other ways are there to get illegal films? Who do you see? +What other ways are there to get illegal films? Who do you see? First of all, basement sales like tonight aren't gonna last much longer. It's too risky, one, and two, everything's going on the internet. Anyone with a computer and enough patience can find anything he wants. It's heaven for those degenerate chicken-hawks. They're swapping pictures back and forth as fast as their modems can zap 'em. But, there's still some weird shit under the counter where I work sometimes. No one knows where it comes from. That's local underground, where information spreads by word of mouth. Those are zombies, hardcore junkies. Their hands are permanently pruned. They go out in the sun they don't burn, they blister. Other than that, all I know about is the mail. Classified ads in the paper with hidden codes. Secret couriers. Credit card orders to dummy corporations. Interstate wire transfers. Revolving P.O. boxes. But, if you're asking me who do you go to to get illegal shit... who knows? That's the whole point -- the seller stays as far away from the buyer as possible, and vice versa, and cops can't trace the deal. There's ways to do it so nobody knows who anybody is. +How old are you? Twenty-five. +Twenty-five. Where are your parents? +Where are your parents? I don't know, where are yours? +I don't know, where are yours? I don't mean any offense... but what are you doing mixed up in all this? +I don't mean any offense... but what are you doing mixed up in all this? I'm not mixed up in anything, hayseed. What are you talking about? +I'm not mixed up in anything, hayseed. What are you talking about? You just strike me as smart enough to be doing something else. +You just strike me as smart enough to be doing something else. Yeah, I'm a real genius. What choices have I got? Fuck, just because I know about stuff like tonight doesn't mean I deal it. I work a job. It beats pumping gas, beats making hamburgers. +Yeah, I'm a real genius. What choices have I got? Fuck, just because I know about stuff like tonight doesn't mean I deal it. I work a job. It beats pumping gas, beats making hamburgers. You're telling me it doesn't get to you? +You're telling me it doesn't get to you? You can't sit there all day watching the parade of losers that comes into that place without going numb. So what? Am I gonna go off and be a race car driver? Go to Harvard? Run for President? What about you, pops? +You can't sit there all day watching the parade of losers that comes into that place without going numb. So what? Am I gonna go off and be a race car driver? Go to Harvard? Run for President? What about you, pops? What about me? +What about me? I see a ring on your finger. You have any kids? +I see a ring on your finger. You have any kids? A daughter. +A daughter. So, you have a wife and kid waiting for you in Pennsylvania... what are you doing mixed up in all this? +So, you have a wife and kid waiting for you in Pennsylvania... what are you doing mixed up in all this? Good question. +Dino Velvet... yeah, he's like the John Luc Godard of S+M flicks, supposed to be a real weirdo. A weirdo making S+M films? Who'd have thought it? +A weirdo making S+M films? Who'd have thought it? His stuff comes out of New York. Bondage and fetish videos, Gothic Hardcore. Definitely not for the squeamish. +His stuff comes out of New York. Bondage and fetish videos, Gothic Hardcore. Definitely not for the squeamish. Specialty product. +Specialty product. You're learning. +You're learning. Where does he sell it? +Where does he sell it? Out of the back of bondage magazines mostly, but you can find it on the street if you look. He'll also do commissions, for enough money... +Out of the back of bondage magazines mostly, but you can find it on the street if you look. He'll also do commissions, for enough money... Nothing illegal, it's always borderline. Like if some freak wants to see a transvestite in a full rubber immersion suit getting an enema from a... +Nothing illegal, it's always borderline. Like if some freak wants to see a transvestite in a full rubber immersion suit getting an enema from a... Alright, I get the picture. +Alright, I get the picture. He cuts all kinds of other stuff into his movies; photographs, newsreel footage, subliminal images. Thinks he's making art. +He cuts all kinds of other stuff into his movies; photographs, newsreel footage, subliminal images. Thinks he's making art. Well, I'm in New York now. What do you say to flying out and giving me a hand? +Well, I'm in New York now. What do you say to flying out and giving me a hand? I'm a working stiff, pops. +I'm a working stiff, pops. Take a vacation. I'll pay you four hundred a day, plus expenses. +Take a vacation. I'll pay you four hundred a day, plus expenses. You want me to come out there and play private eye? +You want me to come out there and play private eye? Consider it. Meanwhile, dig up whatever Dino Velvet films you can. Get receipts. I'll call back. +Consider it. Meanwhile, dig up whatever Dino Velvet films you can. Get receipts. I'll call back. See ya. +You didn't say it was gonna be this luxurious. It's their Presidential Suite. +It's their Presidential Suite. Great. +Oh, come on, man, what are we doing in this flea bag? It's cheap, and people know to mind their own business. What have you got for me? +Wha... ? Who is this, in the mask? Who is he? +Who is he? I told you, he's one of Dino Velvet's stock players... +I told you, he's one of Dino Velvet's stock players... Who is he, his name? +Who is he, his name? "Nobody knows his name. That's his thing. He always wears a mask. You never see his face. He calls himself ""Machine,"" that's what they call him. Machine." +You don't need to be here. What kind of Junior P.I. would I be if I didn't go with you? +"I know if I had to pick, it'd be ""Choke,"" or ""Devil.""" """Devil"" frightened me as much as it excited me, but I'd be hard pressed to choose a favorite." +What's next? I'm trying to figure that out myself. I have to see Machine without his mask. +I'm trying to figure that out myself. I have to see Machine without his mask. Still don't want to tell me what you're doing? +Still don't want to tell me what you're doing? Nope. +What's this? It's money. People use it to purchase goods and services. +Look... that's awful generous and everything... It's not my money. The woman I got it from is never going to give it a second thought. Let's not make a big deal out of this, okay? Go be a race car driver. Go run for President. Whatever. +Mister Welles. You're very prompt. I try to be. +Uh huh, pleasure. Apparently Mr. Longdale has something he feels he simply must say before you and I speak. +Have a pleasant evening. Will you have tea, Mister Welles? Thank you. +He's odd. He's a lawyer. Please, sit, here... +I've spoken to friends of mine and my husband's, in Harrisburg, in Lancaster and Hershey. Asking about you. I must say you have friends in influential places. I've been privileged to provide services for people I admire. +I've been privileged to provide services for people I admire. You are highly recommended. Praised for your discretion... your strict adherence to confidentiality. +As you know, my husband passed away recently. Two weeks ago now. My condolences. +My condolences. His passing has left me with... something of a dilemma. A terrible, terrible dilemma. +His passing has left me with... something of a dilemma. A terrible, terrible dilemma. I'll do whatever I can to help. +Pittsburgh? Mostly. That's where he started his empire building. He was a good man. Notorious as an eccentric, but that was something he cultivated. He wanted to be legendary. +Mostly. That's where he started his empire building. He was a good man. Notorious as an eccentric, but that was something he cultivated. He wanted to be legendary. He succeeded. +He succeeded. We were married forty-five years. Hard even for me to imagine. We had our troubles. There were plenty of places for him to be other than here, but he was always loyal to me, and I to him. I loved him deeply. +Do you carry a gun, Mr. Welles? I wear a gun when I can tell a client expects me to. Other than that, there's never any reason. +I wear a gun when I can tell a client expects me to. Other than that, there's never any reason. Just curious. +My husband was the only one with the combination to this safe. I knew about it, but as far as I was concerned it was none of my business. Not till now, that is. You hired someone to open it. I'll bet the lawyer loved that. +You hired someone to open it. I'll bet the lawyer loved that. There was nothing he could do. My husband left everything to me. I prevented anyone from seeing the contents. I felt these were my husband's private things. I didn't... I didn't realize... +There was nothing he could do. My husband left everything to me. I prevented anyone from seeing the contents. I felt these were my husband's private things. I didn't... I didn't realize... Do you want to tell me what you found? +Do you want to tell me what you found? Cash, stock certificates, and this... +It's a film... of a girl being murdered. I'm afraid I don't... +I'm afraid I don't... This is a movie showing a girl being murdered. She's sitting on a bed, and a man rapes her... and he begins to cut her with a knife... I only watched what I could. +I didn't know what to think. I can't tell you how horrible it's been, to know this belonged to my husband. To know that he watched this... this atrocity. But, I can't go to the police... "Mrs. Christian... please, will you sit down a moment? I want you to listen carefully. What you're talking about is a ""snuff film."" But, from what I know, snuff films are a kind of... urban myth. Like, red light district folklore. There's no such thing, I can assure you." +Please, believe me. This is probably a stag film. Simulated rape. Hard to stomach, and it might seem real, but there are ways of making it look realistic... fake blood and special effects... No. +No. If you were to study it you'd see the camera cutting away... you'd see the tricks they can play... +If you were to study it you'd see the camera cutting away... you'd see the tricks they can play... I'm telling you it's not that. +I'm telling you it's not that. I'm sure it is. It's probably something your husband was given as a bad joke. More than likely he never even watched it. +I'm sure it is. It's probably something your husband was given as a bad joke. More than likely he never even watched it. Will you watch it and see for yourself? +Will you watch it and see for yourself? Of course. But, I'm certain it's nothing to worry about. +You... you need to go to the police. I told you I can't, not yet. +I told you I can't, not yet. You don't have any other choice. +You don't have any other choice. No. For me to live with the ruin of my husband's name, I need know that whoever did this will be punished. If you can find them, I will take their names to the police. I'll say my husband confessed on his death bed. I'll say I didn't have courage to come forward at first... +No. For me to live with the ruin of my husband's name, I need know that whoever did this will be punished. If you can find them, I will take their names to the police. I'll say my husband confessed on his death bed. I'll say I didn't have courage to come forward at first... It won't work like that. +It won't work like that. Any evidence you collect can be given to the police later, anonymously. I've thought about it and there's no other way. If you can't find them... if the only thing that comes from this film is that this is all my husband will be remembered for, well I can't let that happen. I'm telling you I won't. If there's no chance that poor girl's memory can be served, then I'll just have to spend my last days trying to forget her. +I deal in divorce cases. Corporate investigations... You've found missing persons before. +You've found missing persons before. Nothing remotely like this. +Nothing remotely like this. I know what I'm asking. Your compensation will be appropriate to the risk. You'll need cash to buy information, and I'll provide it. I feel responsible, Mr. Welles. You saw what he did to her. +Okay... My husband never dealt with money personally, certainly not cash. +My husband never dealt with money personally, certainly not cash. I'm not positive this means anything. +I'm not positive this means anything. The checks were for odd amounts... +One was for two hundred thousand, one dollar and thirteen cents. Another was for three hundred thousand, six hundred fifty four dollars and seventy six cents... Okay, I follow you so far... +Okay, I follow you so far... Totalled together, these five checks from five different accounts, they equal one million dollars. +Totalled together, these five checks from five different accounts, they equal one million dollars. You're joking. +You're joking. To the penny. Exactly one million dollars in cash. +Hello... ? I'm here. +I'm here. Do you think the film could have cost that much? +Do you think the film could have cost that much? For a human life... murder on film, no statute of limitations. Who knows? It sure could have. I'd like you to overnight me a copy of those checks, then put them in a safe deposit box. +For a human life... murder on film, no statute of limitations. Who knows? It sure could have. I'd like you to overnight me a copy of those checks, then put them in a safe deposit box. Okay. +Okay. Send it to me through the post office like we arranged. No return address. You dug this up all by yourself? +Send it to me through the post office like we arranged. No return address. You dug this up all by yourself? You told me to look, so I looked. +You told me to look, so I looked. You're one hell of a detective, Mrs. Christian. +Hello? Mrs. Christian, Tom Welles here. +Mrs. Christian, Tom Welles here. How are you? Having any luck? +How are you? Having any luck? I don't know if luck's the word. Are you feeling alright? +I don't know if luck's the word. Are you feeling alright? I've been ordered into bed. The doctor says I've gotten the flu, or some other wretched ailment. +I've been ordered into bed. The doctor says I've gotten the flu, or some other wretched ailment. I hope it's nothing serious. +I hope it's nothing serious. Nothing more than a bother. Have you any news for me? +Nothing more than a bother. Have you any news for me? I've made progress. I'm in Manhattan. Once a few more pieces fall into place, I'll drive to you and give you an update. +I've made progress. I'm in Manhattan. Once a few more pieces fall into place, I'll drive to you and give you an update. Fine... +I've got about five thousand left in cash, but I'll need another thirty, if you approve. How will I get it to you? +How will I get it to you? If you have a pencil and paper, I'll tell you how to send it. +Yes... ? Hello, Mrs. Mathews, my name's Thomas Jones, I'm a state licensed investigator... +I've been hired as an independent contractor by the U.S. Resource Center for Missing Persons as part of an internal audit. If you have any time over the next few days, I'd like to make an appointment to ask some questions about the disappearance of your daughter. I don't understand, who are... ? +I don't understand, who are... ? I'm sorry, let me explain, the R.C.M.P. is a support organization and archive, not unlike the Center for Missing and Exploited Children in Washington. I'm sure you've dealt with them before? +I'm sorry, let me explain, the R.C.M.P. is a support organization and archive, not unlike the Center for Missing and Exploited Children in Washington. I'm sure you've dealt with them before? Yes, but... +Yes, but... These volunteer organizations are sort of interconnected, functioning hand in hand with law enforcement. The R.C.M.P. brought me in to review their investigations... ... fact-check their records, see if there's anything they missed, anything they should be doing different. I'm here for a few days, before I head back up to Virginia. These reports go to the Justice Department eventually. I spoke to your F.B.I. contact a few days ago, uh... +What was the name... ? I've got it here somewhere... Neil... Neil Cole. +Neil... Neil Cole. Right, Agent Cole told me he'd call and let you know to expect me. He didn't call? +Right, Agent Cole told me he'd call and let you know to expect me. He didn't call? No. +No. Well, I'm following up on your daughter, Mary, height; five four, weight; hundred ten pounds, brown eyes, blonde hair. Born April 24, 1976. Missing June 11th, 1992. A runaway, that's how she's listed. Is this information correct... ? +It's very important you don't let this raise your expectations. It's not going to effect any ongoing efforts. All I'm saying is, please know, I'm not here to create any false hope. They hired you. You're like, a private detective? +They hired you. You're like, a private detective? That's exactly what I am. +I didn't think there were private detectives anymore, except on TV. You probably expect me to be wearing a trench coat and a hat. Drinking whiskey, chasing women and getting beaten up by guys with broken noses. Want to know what it's really like? It's sitting in a car and staring at a hotel window for three days straight, pissing in a plastic bottle, pardon me, because some guy thinks his wife's cheating on him. Glamorous, huh? And the guy who hired you, he has a hair-lip, dandruff and crooked teeth, and you could have told him the minute you laid eyes on him his wife's cheating, and you don't blame her. +So, she didn't leave a note? She never gave any indication where she might go, before she left? No. +No. She just seemed... depressed... ? +She just seemed... depressed... ? She didn't seem herself. For months there never was any way to get her to talk about it. One night we went to bed... the next morning she was gone. She took some clothes. +She didn't seem herself. For months there never was any way to get her to talk about it. One night we went to bed... the next morning she was gone. She took some clothes. What was she running from? +What was she running from? I don't know. +I don't know. If there's anything you feel uncomfortable talking about, tell me, but I have to ask. Your husband... he committed suicide? +If there's anything you feel uncomfortable talking about, tell me, but I have to ask. Your husband... he committed suicide? Yes. +Yes. September 4th, 1993. About a year after Mary disappeared. +September 4th, 1993. About a year after Mary disappeared. We were divorced by then. Things fell apart... he was living with a friend... +We were divorced by then. Things fell apart... he was living with a friend... Why do you think he did it? +Why do you think he did it? It got to be too much for him. +It got to be too much for him. You have to forgive me, but in these circumstances... with your daughter... Were there any indications of... any sort of abuse? +You have to forgive me, but in these circumstances... with your daughter... Were there any indications of... any sort of abuse? There wasn't anything like that. The police and the FBI people asked, but there wasn't anything happened like that, never. My husband... his heart broke when Mary left... +There wasn't anything like that. The police and the FBI people asked, but there wasn't anything happened like that, never. My husband... his heart broke when Mary left... I didn't mean to... +I didn't mean to... You try going through what we did. Bob couldn't take it, that's all. Christ, there's times when it still seems like I can't either. +You try going through what we did. Bob couldn't take it, that's all. Christ, there's times when it still seems like I can't either. I had to ask. I apologize. +I had to ask. I apologize. No one knows what it's like. You can't even imagine how much it hurts. +People remember me from the news. Can you drive me back now? Of course. +I... I shouldn't take anymore of your time. Maybe we can finish tomorrow. I'll call tomorrow... Okay. +Doesn't make much sense, does it? When everything's happy, when life's fine and you have every reason to believe there's a God, you don't bother. Then, something horrible happens... that's when you start praying all the time. That's when you start going to church. We're all like that. +We're all like that. Are you religious? +Are you religious? No. +No. You should be. +I've got what I need for my report. There is... there is one thing that bothers me though. What? +What? It's not really my place, but it's not easy for me to set aside the private detective part of me either. See, I know a little about missing persons. When kids run, they almost always leave a note. It's guilt. They want to say goodbye. +It's not really my place, but it's not easy for me to set aside the private detective part of me either. See, I know a little about missing persons. When kids run, they almost always leave a note. It's guilt. They want to say goodbye. There wasn't one. The police looked. +There wasn't one. The police looked. Do you think the police did a good job? +Do you think the police did a good job? I don't know. I think so. +I don't know. I think so. It is possible... and I know this isn't something you want to hear. Your daughter may have tried to hide a note where she thought you would eventually find it, but where she knew your husband would never find it. She might have wanted to tell you something... +It is possible... and I know this isn't something you want to hear. Your daughter may have tried to hide a note where she thought you would eventually find it, but where she knew your husband would never find it. She might have wanted to tell you something... No. You don't have any reason to think that... +No. You don't have any reason to think that... If the police focused their search in her room, her belongings, well that'd be only natural, but they may have been looking in the wrong place. +How... how can you say that to me...? Will you let me look? +Will you let me look? My husband never laid a hand on her. She would have told me... she would have told me... +My husband never laid a hand on her. She would have told me... she would have told me... You're probably right, and I probably won't find anything. I don't have a right to ask this, and you can kick me out of your house if you want, but this is my profession and there's a part of me that can't let it go. Police are just as human as you or I. They could have missed something. They probably didn't. Wouldn't you rather know? +You were right. I didn't find anything. I'm going to run and get something to eat. Are you hungry? Yes. +I think about it everyday. But, every time the phone rings... every single time, I still think it's her. It's been six years. +It's been six years. What am I supposed to do? Forget her? Time heals all wounds, right? She's all I think about, and I've learned to live with that. But, you want the truth... the real truth? If I had a choice... if I had to choose, between her being out there, living a good life and being happy, and me not knowing; never finding out what happened to her... ... or her being dead and me knowing... I'd choose to know. +Hello... ? Mrs. Mathews? It's Thomas. Do you remember, I was there a few weeks ago... asking about your daughter... +Mrs. Mathews? It's Thomas. Do you remember, I was there a few weeks ago... asking about your daughter... I remember. You just left... +I remember. You just left... I have to tell you something. It won't be easy for you to hear. It's about your daughter... Mary Anne... When I... when I was there with you, her diary, in your attic, in silverware. If you read it, you'll know what I'm telling you is true... +What are you talking about... ? She went to California, to Los Angeles... she wanted to start over. She wanted to be an actress... +She went to California, to Los Angeles... she wanted to start over. She wanted to be an actress... What... ? +Mrs. Mathews, your daughter is dead. She's dead. Who is this... ? +Who is this... ? Someone... some men, they took your daughter and they drugged her, and they took her to a motel room... they did terrible things to her... +Someone... some men, they took your daughter and they drugged her, and they took her to a motel room... they did terrible things to her... Who are you? +Who are you? They brought her into the room... one man, he put a knife to her throat and he raped her... +They brought her into the room... one man, he put a knife to her throat and he raped her... No... +No... He raped her and...and...and he murdered her...he cut her up with knifes... +He raped her and...and...and he murdered her...he cut her up with knifes... No... no... no... +No... no... no... They killed her, and they took her out in the forest somewhere and they buried her... +They killed her, and they took her out in the forest somewhere and they buried her... Why... why are you doing this to me... ? +Why... why are you doing this to me... ? They murdered her, Mrs. Mathews, I'm sorry. It happened a month after she ran away. She's been dead all this time... +Yes... I remember Mary You... you do? You're sure? Please, Sister, will you take another look, make sure... +You... you do? You're sure? Please, Sister, will you take another look, make sure... Yes. I remember her. +Do you know what happened to her? I'm trying to find out. She was a runaway. I'm looking into it for her parents. +What is this? Those are her belongings. +Those are her belongings. Her belongings? +Her belongings? That's her suitcase. I had forgotten it, till you showed me her picture. +Whatever possessed you to keep this all this time? She was the kindest, sweetest girl you'd ever want to meet. Oh, I adored her. I supposed I always hoped she'd be back. After a time, all I could do was pray she had moved on to better things. Can you get this suitcase to her parents, if you think it's appropriate? +She was the kindest, sweetest girl you'd ever want to meet. Oh, I adored her. I supposed I always hoped she'd be back. After a time, all I could do was pray she had moved on to better things. Can you get this suitcase to her parents, if you think it's appropriate? I'll do what I can. +Your son-in-law dealt with the dry cleaning franchise during the day, saw that woman every night. The specifics are in the report, and information about the woman. It's unpleasant, I know. I apologize... None too discreet, is he? +None too discreet, is he? No, sir, he is not. +No, sir, he is not. He's an imbecile. I tried to warn my daughter, but what can you do? +The um... you'll find my invoice in the envelope. If that's all... Yes, Mister Welles, thank you. +Yes, Mister Welles, thank you. Certainly, Senator. If I can ever be of further assistance. +Okay, I'll take it all. Excellent. we accept MasterCard and American Express. +Excellent. we accept MasterCard and American Express. Cash. +Alright. May I have your phone number, area code first? No, you may not. +No, you may not. Okay. Fine. +I'm required by state law to inform you that, while it's perfectly legal for you to purchase these items, it is illegal for you to use them for any sort of... Yeah, I know the spiel. If you could bag it, I'll be on my way, thank you. +Yeah, I know the spiel. If you could bag it, I'll be on my way, thank you. Certainly, sir. +Don't you think it kind of defeats the purpose? What? +What? The mirror. You can't see yourself in it. +The mirror. You can't see yourself in it. I don't want to. +Yeah. She'd be half as strict as you. But she wouldn't let Dad treat me like that. +But she wouldn't let Dad treat me like that. Look, you gotta stand up for yourself. Learn to fight back. +Rick...I can't. Never say can't. Just do what I do. +Alice, you think you can leave? What's wrong? +What's wrong? Kincaid and Joey died last night. +Kincaid and Joey died last night. What? +You alright? Kristen... +I heard you screaming. Was it a bad one? It was bad. +It was bad. Doesn't the dream master work for you anymore? +Doesn't the dream master work for you anymore? I can't find him. +Hey, since when do you play Thomas Edison? This looks like Sheila's. It is...was. It's a zapper, it might help me stay awake. +It is...was. It's a zapper, it might help me stay awake. Yeah, or turn you into toast. +I can't go back to sleep again. I haven't slept much either. Since Kristen... +We'll figure it out. Figure it out?!?! I'll be insane before I figure it out. The only thing I'm sure of is that I can't go to sleep. Not while he's using me. +Figure it out?!?! I'll be insane before I figure it out. The only thing I'm sure of is that I can't go to sleep. Not while he's using me. Then we'll stay up together. +Here you are. Where were you this morning? Rick's looking all over for you. Have you seen Joey and Kincaid! God, I can't find them. I can't find them anywhere. +Have you seen Joey and Kincaid! God, I can't find them. I can't find them anywhere. I'm sure they're around. +I'm sure they're around. Yeah, I'm not so sure. +I love to dream, I just hate ones about my dad. You could do worse. +My mom taught me when I was little. Did you ever hear of the dream master? Sounds like a game show host to me. +Sounds like a game show host to me. No really, it's a fable. The 'guardian of good' dreams. It was like my teddy bear when I was growing up. +No really, it's a fable. The 'guardian of good' dreams. It was like my teddy bear when I was growing up. Great, you wouldn't happen to know his phone number? +I daydream. you have to dream about some place fun. Remember you're in control. How'd you learn so much about dreams? +How'd you learn so much about dreams? When they're all you have, you kinda become an expert. +You what? When I used to have nightmares. I brought my friends in to help me. Until they all started dying. +Kristen, what happened? You'll hear all kinds of stories. They'll tell you it was murder, but it wasn't. +You in a hurry? I gotta get to the library before it closes. Killer physics test. +I gotta get to the library before it closes. Killer physics test. I know. I hardly have any time to study. +I know. I hardly have any time to study. Maybe you shouldn't be working here so much. You don't want to get stuck waiting tables for the rest of your life. +Maybe you shouldn't be working here so much. You don't want to get stuck waiting tables for the rest of your life. I know. +Ohhhhbaby, I am dead on my feet. We have matching luggage. +We have matching luggage. What? +You've been up all night? That obvious, huh? +That obvious, huh? Then you saw him, too? +Then you saw him, too? Saw who? I was up all night cramming for this physics test, and I was putting this little baby together. Look... +No... You're his sister, right? +You're his sister, right? Rick stayed later after school with Kristen. She wasn't feeling very well. +Rick stayed later after school with Kristen. She wasn't feeling very well. Tell him I was looking for him, okay? I'm Dan. +Tell him I was looking for him, okay? I'm Dan. I know. Uh...Alice. +I thought it was an accident. Smoking in bed. It was no suicide. It was not an accident. It was Freddy, and he's coming back for seconds, thirds, and fourths. +I was there in the dream. He took her. It was awful. It was awful... """In her dream""?" +No, don't! I gave Sheila to him and now she's dead! Kristen's story really got to her. +I've been working double shifts. Extra money, huh? +Extra money, huh? Look, you know why, you just don't believe me. +No offense, or anything, but it's kind of hard to swallow. The story is, the deaths you can't argue with. +How long have you been awake? Three days. +Alright, let's assume this whole thing is true. Why does Freddy all of a sudden need you? Kristen was the last child left of the people who killed Freddy. Maybe Freddy can't get to new kids without someone like me. Someone to bring them to him. +Not really. Is there something we can do? +Is there something we can do? I don't think so. I guess this is my own war. +You don't really get it. He's not a nightstalker. It'll take more than bench presses to beat him. Why can't we just talk to the authorities? +Why can't we just talk to the authorities? Yeah, right. Let's trade death by Freddy for life in a rubber room. Adults won't see it. They can't. +Yeah, right. Let's trade death by Freddy for life in a rubber room. Adults won't see it. They can't. Then what else can we do? +Then what else can we do? Try what other kids did. Keep each other awake. We'll meet at Debbie's tonight. At least if we don't sleep he can't get us. +Try what other kids did. Keep each other awake. We'll meet at Debbie's tonight. At least if we don't sleep he can't get us. Who? +He's going after Debbie, I gotta stop him. Hey, you're not alone. We have to stop him, I'm with you. +Hey, you're not alone. We have to stop him, I'm with you. You just feel sorry for me. +You just feel sorry for me. Cut that shit out. Maybe before, but not now. I want to help you. I'm on your side. +As long as your driving doesn't kill us. It's okay, we're just about there. +He's going after Debbie. I gotta stop him. You know, I get the weirdest feeling we've been through this before. +Here we are. Something's wrong here. It feels like... +What the hell was that? Debbie. She's gone. I've...collected her, like the others. +You look great! Save it for later. Come on! +Rick, please. Alright, I think I see salvation... +I think Sheila's more interested in dissecting bodies than just admiring them. Give her time. Beauty is skin deep. +Asthma attack...what 17-year old has a fatal asthma attack? She was gonna be a doctor. It was Freddy. +It was Freddy. Enough of that crap. +Enough of that crap. I saw it. It was my dream. I brought Sheila in... +T-T-Thanks Alice... Earth to Alice... +Hey, Rick! Excuse me, ladies. I'll just be a moment. +I don't get it. Let me talk to you. +So what's up? What'd I miss? She told us the story of Freddy. It's a town legend. He was a child killer who was freed on a technicality. +She told us the story of Freddy. It's a town legend. He was a child killer who was freed on a technicality. So? +So? It pissed off a lot of parents. According to Kristen, they hunted him down; roasted him alive. +It pissed off a lot of parents. According to Kristen, they hunted him down; roasted him alive. Nice neighborhood. +Nice neighborhood. Now it gets weird. She says he comes back in dreams. If he kills you there, you're dead for real. +Hey man, we're all sorry... She knew she was gonna die. +Been up with Alice. How she doing? I ran into her last night. +How she doing? I ran into her last night. She's blaming herself for Sheila. I know how it feels. I've been thinking about Kristen. Maybe I could've stopped it, if I'd listened. +She's blaming herself for Sheila. I know how it feels. I've been thinking about Kristen. Maybe I could've stopped it, if I'd listened. About Freddy? +About Freddy? What else? You ever look over this town's history? Not a safe place to be a teenager. Anyway, if I'm next, watch your back. +Something the matter with the cuisine? Well Mom, I'll tell ya, when two of your friends die the same day, you let me know what it does to your appetite. +Well Mom, I'll tell ya, when two of your friends die the same day, you let me know what it does to your appetite. You're just tired. Don't think I haven't noticed your not sleeping. That has to stop, honey. +What's wrong with me? Your distraught. It'll help... +I'm sorry honey, but... Sorry!! Sorry that you and your tennis pals torched this guy who's now after me. In case you haven't been keeping score, it's his fucking banquet, and I'm the LAST COURSE!! +Sorry!! Sorry that you and your tennis pals torched this guy who's now after me. In case you haven't been keeping score, it's his fucking banquet, and I'm the LAST COURSE!! Honey, we went over this in therapy. +Honey, we went over this in therapy. Mother, you've just murdered me. Take that to your goddamn therapy... +Something wrong with the stairs? Avoid-all-contact-day. +Avoid-all-contact-day. What? +What? When dad's popping aspiring like popcorn, it's avoid-all-contact-day. +What is it? Oh God! He killed them! +Now you know who and what Freddy really is. I though Freddy was just an old town story. +I though Freddy was just an old town story. It's no story. It happened. Freddy's real and he's back. +I'll tell you later. It's no just a house. It's his home. He's waiting there for me...to dream. +It's no just a house. It's his home. He's waiting there for me...to dream. It's okay, babe. We're with you. +It's okay, babe. We're with you. I told you you can't help. This isn't a normal nightmare. I'm doomed. +Feeling better now? Yeah. I guess so... What happened? +Yeah. I guess so... What happened? You had a nasty bump. +I gotta get out of here. You just stay put. You need rest. +You just stay put. You need rest. You don't get it, he's after me... +You don't get it, he's after me... Don't worry, honey +Excuse us, dear. It's okay, Dan +Frankly, dear, we wondered what you intend to do with our baby? What I what? Well, I've thought about it. I plan to keep him. +Look, I appreciate what you're offering, but no. He is my responsibility. And ours. It's our grandchild. +In your present condition, Alice, we're worried about your ability -- "What are you talking about? My ""condition""?..." +We know you've been through a lot but there's more than your feelings at stake here. You're not taking my baby! +Hey...wake up. Huh? +Shouldn't you be in your room, Jacob? It's lonely in there, in my room. +It's lonely in there, in my room. My name is... +I'm sorry your boyfriend got killed. How did you know that? +How did you know that? I could tell you were sad. I just wanted to see if you were all right. +Hi, you don't look very well. Are you feeling all right? Been having bad dreams. +Is that who you're waiting for? No... +I don't think this is a nice place for you to be. Maybe we should go find your Mom. She doesn't want me around +She doesn't want me around Oh...I'm sure that's not true. I'll bet she's very worried about you. I would be. +No you're not. You don't even care about being a mom. How come you don't think about me? Who said I...wait, what? +Who says I don't like you? My friend, with the funny hand. +Mommy...? Come on downstairs. He won't hurt you. He needs us both. +Where is he? He's inside you, where he hides. +What do you mean? It's where he hides out. Inside. That's how he found me. +But how...? He says it's easy. Especially with sad people. With closed-off people. +Hi, beautiful. Jesus! Don't do that! +Jesus! Don't do that! Sorry, babe. +The tickets. They're coach seats, but the plane lands in Paris. It's gonna be a helluva summer, hon! +They're coach seats, but the plane lands in Paris. It's gonna be a helluva summer, hon! I know. +Okay, babe. What's the matter? Nothing...it's just...I didn't see my father at the ceremony. +Nothing...it's just...I didn't see my father at the ceremony. He'll show up. C'mon, what's really wrong? +About him? No. Well, not exactly...it's that...I felt like I wasn't in control. For the first time since...all that. I'm scared. +You stopped it didn't you? It was probably just a regular bad dream. Yeah...I guess. +Yeah...I guess. You don't dream him up, he can't hurt you. Or me. Or us. Remember... +You don't dream him up, he can't hurt you. Or me. Or us. Remember... You're right. +You're right. There you go. Love you. +There you go. Love you. Me too. +I was afraid you weren't coming. "I watched from behind the stands. Didn't want to embarrass you, ya know. ""The drunk showed up"", that kind of thing..." +"I watched from behind the stands. Didn't want to embarrass you, ya know. ""The drunk showed up"", that kind of thing..." That's in the past. Unless you've stopped going to the meetings. +That's in the past. Unless you've stopped going to the meetings. No. A deal's a deal. +Dad! It's the model you've been saving up for. I wanted you to have it for your trip. +Where are we going? To take a picture. +Thanks for everything, Dad. You sure you don't want a ride to work? +You sure you don't want a ride to work? It's just across the park. +I'm so sorry, honey... Daddy, he's coming back...Krueger's coming back. Make them understand. +How was the meeting? Sobering... +Sobering... Very funny. +Very funny. Alice... +Alice... Since when are you such a smart shopper? +Since when are you such a smart shopper? Since my little girl became a mom... +Since my little girl became a mom... You disappointed in me? +You disappointed in me? No, I'm not. I sort of hope it's a boy. Be nice to have a boy playing in the house again. +Alice! I've got to go. +I've got to go. No! I won't have you running around in the middle of the night. You're coming home. +No! I won't have you running around in the middle of the night. You're coming home. But Dad -- +But Dad -- Now. +Hey, what's wrong with you -- let's see a smile. Had kind of a long night. +Had kind of a long night. Dan keeping you up again? Put a lock on that window, girl. +Dan keeping you up again? Put a lock on that window, girl. No, the Dan part was nice... +Good to see you again, Mr. Grey. I've got to go find Dan. Yeah, before they revoke his diploma. +It was no accident. It was Krueger. He used to get in through my dreams, but not anymore. He's found some other way. Alice, it's no dream. I'm sorry...Dan's dead. +Have you visited the little boy on my floor? Jacob, the one who looks kind of sad? There aren't any little boys on your floor. +There aren't any little boys on your floor. He must've wandered up from the children's ward. I just wondered what was wrong with him. +Did everyone call everyone? They're waiting for us...but let's keep this dream stuff between you and me. +What's that got to do with it? When Dan died you weren't even asleep. You said so. End of story. +It was just an accident. Like with Dan. No accident. I tried to warn all of you about Krueger. +I don't understand what's happening. Krueger has to use my dreams, but he got to Dan and Greta while I was awake. How's he doing it? Why don't you two stick to reality. +You had me scared on the phone. What's wrong with the baby? I think Krueger's trying to do something to it. +Oh, Alice...no. Honey, I love you but you're going to have to get a hold of yourself... Mark knows I'm not crazy. Ask him to show you his hands. +I really think you need to calm down now, okay? I just can't figure out how he's getting in when I'm awake... +I am your friend, and I'm worried sick about you. But, you're like a locked safe. You've gotta start dealing with reality. Krueger is reality. +Krueger is reality. And so is your baby. You've got more than just yourself to think of now! +And so is your baby. You've got more than just yourself to think of now! What do you think I'm doing? Look. Whether you believe it or not, Krueger is back. He's after the baby and if I don't try to do something about it, who will?? +All I know is that you are not doing yourself or the baby any good by acting like a crazy woman. Why don't you take off - leave Springwood and cool out somewhere for a while? Goddamn it, Yvonne! You don't just run away from this guy! He finds you in your dreams. +Look...we're all tired. None of us had any sleep since Friday night... That's the only reason you're alive... +Are you alright? Yeah...So that's him. And you're not crazy. +You think that's the place she's buried? If they actually bothered to bury her. +What? Jacob. We've got to get to Amanda before it's too late. +But how are we gonna -- We've got to go to the asylum and find her body. Mark said her soul's trapped with it -- that's why she can't come to me. It must be! +You do good work, Alice. So did Dan. +He sure loves to stay awake. That's okay. He's got the rest of his life to catch up on his sleep. +Give up, Mark, it's hopeless. I think I'm starting to wear her down. Have some anyway. +Not to mention the heartbreak of psoriasis. Greta, come on. One burger with me? +My dad's got this thing about drinking in the house. Well we gotta do something! +I've got to write some of this down. That's why it's my fault Dan's dead. +Mark, are you okay? Yeah. I'm just aces. +I want to talk to both you guys about Greta. And... I'm very fucking sorry, but Greta is dead today. Could we interest you in someone else? +I thought about that. She must've fallen asleep at the table... +Then get out! Mark! +Do you think I'm an idiot...for being in love with her? Nobody thinks that. +Maybe it was her mother who killed her, with all that Polly Perfect shit. It wasn't her mother. The only reason we're still here is that none of us has slept since the grad party. +Tell me some more about this Krueger guy. Why don't I go make some coffee. There's a lot to tell. +Who's Jacob? My baby! +My baby! What, you named it already? +Whoa, slow down. How're you gonna hide from a guy like that, leave the planet? I don't know! +Where are you going? I'm going to see what else I can find out about Mr. Fred Krueger +I couldn't do that, Mark. He's my last link with Dan...No, I want him. Then we'll find another way. +They think I'm nuts. That's their problem. +No, it's our problem, Mark. If I don't deal with this, they really might try to take Jacob. You said she committed suicide? That's what the newspapers thought. She spent the rest of her life in the asylum. After Krueger's trial she flipped out and hung herself, so they thought. +That's what the newspapers thought. She spent the rest of her life in the asylum. After Krueger's trial she flipped out and hung herself, so they thought. Meaning? +They couldn't prove it. No body! Nuns bumping themselves off is bad for business. But I've seen her grave. +But I've seen her grave. Empty plot. Memorial stone. Vacant. They never did put her under. Cool, huh? +Poor woman... No shit. +I don't understand. She killed herself. Her soul's gonna be in torment. +Yeah, when are you gonna come to your senses? Next life. Oh, what's that? +Next life. Oh, what's that? My undying love. Have some. +Meet me later. Milkshakes. Cherry pie. Banana splits. And no mom! Pimples, heartburn, cellulite... and no modeling career. +That club sucks, they card everybody. Let's just party at your place. You know my mother -- get real. What about Alice's? +He's right. Sometimes I feel like I'm living with Melicertes. Who? +Who? Oh, he was this ancient guy I read about who like, killed his kids 'cause they didn't want to run the kingdom the way he thought they should. +Oh man! I could've gone all night without looking at that. I don't believe this... All that gore you paint in the comics and you're squeamish? +These things are wild... What do you think? Makes you look like a nun-- +All right kids, I tell you what we're gonna do. I've got swimming practice until six-thirty today... Yeah... +Yeah... That means they're gonna give me the key to the pool so I can lock up when I'm done. +Have another one, sounds like you need it. Naah, I'm done. Got to be on shift in a couple hours. Aren't you going in? +Naah, I'm done. Got to be on shift in a couple hours. Aren't you going in? Nah. It's getting too cold for me, and my wonderful mother will kill me if I screw up my hair. She's got some model agency guy coming to dinner tomorrow night. +Stop saying that, it's bullshit. I want to talk about the baby. +Look. Dan's parents were pushing him. Pushing him hard. He was bitching about it at the party last night. He was under pressure. We all are. Pushy parents can make you more than a bit crazy. +Bottom line, Alice. Anybody, supernatural or not, that wants to hurt you - he'll have to go through us first. All of us. Right? +Dan. And he's taking Alice with him -- pretty good dive Yvonne. You've been practicing. Two hours a day, six days a week. +Vomit? Faint. +Why don't you shut up and let her talk! Two of us died in the last two days, does that strike you as particularly normal?! Mark... +Mark... I'm not finished - I loved Greta. A lot. And if maybe, just maybe, someone or some thing killed her, I'd like to hear about it! +I'm not finished - I loved Greta. A lot. And if maybe, just maybe, someone or some thing killed her, I'd like to hear about it! I can't listen to this. +It's okay. Stick around, please? +You, too? He invited me to his house last night. +I should have suspectcd, when I heard that 'Doctor.' I thought it was your father. It was supposed to be. Dad had a heart attack, two days ago. +It was supposed to be. Dad had a heart attack, two days ago. How is he - ? +How is he - ? It was moderate. He'll be all right. But it was out of the question, his coming along. +It was moderate. He'll be all right. But it was out of the question, his coming along. And they thought you could re- place the Skipper? +You could train someone else. Not in two days. Look: Do you think I wanted to come? If it didn't mean so much to Dad - proving his depth-explorer - it's the last thing I'd want! +What is it? Your 'out.' This came for you. +Your 'out.' This came for you. My father! He's not - ? +My father! He's not - ? Dead? Matter of fact, he's much better. He's left the hospital. +What did you mean: I'm 'out?' Your father can be in Nome, Alaska, tomorrow. We have two choices: Ask them to send him out in a 'copter', and take you off, or the Shark can put back into Nome... +You 'trade school boys' are all alike, aren't you? Anybody who doesn't happen to think like a little gold-braided puppet is, ipso facto, a coward! You said it. But I won't argue - +Wearing a uniform doesn't bestow an automatic monopoly on courage, Commander! It just so happens I'm not a coward - physical or mental - and before I'd risk my father's life... We're all risking our lives! +We're all risking our lives! That may be. But Dad stays where he is, and I'm staying here! +That may be. But Dad stays where he is, and I'm staying here! You're really a mixed-up oddball, aren't you? +You're really a mixed-up oddball, aren't you? Perhaps. But the idea of willingly going to school to spend my life at a Paleozoic pastime that should have disappeared with the thunder-lizards - I'm referring to War - that strikes me as the worst cowardice of all - being spiritually yellow! +Perhaps. But the idea of willingly going to school to spend my life at a Paleozoic pastime that should have disappeared with the thunder-lizards - I'm referring to War - that strikes me as the worst cowardice of all - being spiritually yellow! You mean nothing is worth fighting for? +You mean nothing is worth fighting for? Peace - the dignity of man - the destiny of the human spirit! Show me a man who says you win those by fighting wars, and I'll show you an idiot! +Peace - the dignity of man - the destiny of the human spirit! Show me a man who says you win those by fighting wars, and I'll show you an idiot! You may not win them. But without men like your father, to 'degrade' himself by fighting to preserve them - or as much as we have of them - they'd have disappeared, long ago! +Unidentified Flying Objects. Then...this is a 'flying saucer?' +That's enough, Holloway. I've told you before, wearing boards on your shoulders, and parading with a stiff spine doesn't auto- matically endow you with back- bone - ! - any more than being the son of Captain Neilsen does! +However our ideas disagree, as I've said before, I'm not a coward! And it happens you've got no choice: Either I take you down there, in the Lungfish, or you don't get there - I'd sooner swim! +They're so remote - cold - beautiful, the stars. But now - I wonder - Yes? +Yes? Which is the one - we have to worry about? +Maybe - just 'maybe' - when their ship doesn't return - they'll decide not to come here, after all. But if they do? +But if they do? I don't know. +I don't know. I wouldn't worry. So long as we have boats like the Tiger Shark - and people like you, the Skipper, Dave, Kent, Sir Ian and my father - +I wouldn't worry. So long as we have boats like the Tiger Shark - and people like you, the Skipper, Dave, Kent, Sir Ian and my father - And his 'egghead' son! We'll give 'em a rough reception, won't we? +Now, Dave Old Buddy, you know you're exaggerating - What do you think of this husband of yours? On most boats a certain loyalty exists between the Exec and his Navigation and Firing Officer. But unfortunately, in the case of Lieutenant Dave Milburn of the Tiger Shark and myself - But Julie's a nice girl, and I've seen you work. She deserves a fighting chance! +But Julie's a nice girl, and I've seen you work. She deserves a fighting chance! Helen. I appeal to you - +Reef! So they caught up with you, too? +So they caught up with you, too? At the worst possible moment. Tomorrow is Janie's birthday. Poor little kid has looked forward for two months to having her Daddy home. Now - +At the worst possible moment. Tomorrow is Janie's birthday. Poor little kid has looked forward for two months to having her Daddy home. Now - That's the worst possible moment? +That's the worst possible moment? What could be worse than disappoint- ing a little girl? +What could be worse than disappoint- ing a little girl? Disappointing a big girl! +You've asked why I stay a bachelor? There goes the best reason I know! Huh? +Huh? I might have a son like that! +I guess Skipper Neilsen re- tired before you enrolled at the Academy, didn't he? I guess. +I guess. One of the finest men, and officers, alive. A real hero - in the best sense of the word - in World War Two. He taught us Engineering and Design. Fought like a demon to develop atom subs. +One of the finest men, and officers, alive. A real hero - in the best sense of the word - in World War Two. He taught us Engineering and Design. Fought like a demon to develop atom subs. So? +So? So all of a sudden his only son drops out of school, be- gins making noises like a pacifist. A real egghead, do-gooder, and crackpot! 'Ban the atom tests! Junk the nuclear subs! Spend the mili- tary budgetfor peace!' +So all of a sudden his only son drops out of school, be- gins making noises like a pacifist. A real egghead, do-gooder, and crackpot! 'Ban the atom tests! Junk the nuclear subs! Spend the mili- tary budgetfor peace!' A lot of people think like that. +But they're not Skipper Neilsen's son! It broke his heart. Then when some newspapers called Carl 'the honest, sincere son of a war-mongering father' - Captain Neilsen resigned from the Navy. Oh, he still keeps his hand in - playing around with projects like the 'Lungfish' - but it broke him, all the same. Have you ever talked to Carl - tried to see his side? +Have you ever talked to Carl - tried to see his side? 'His' side? I've seen it, all right. A nice, bright yellow! +Cyclops? Sounds like it! Distress call, from a small freighter, between Ellesmere Island and Greenland. One mayday, then...nothing. +We're stuck tight! Skipper! Look at the depth gauge! +You've got to let us try, Skipper -- 'Us?' +'Us?' Reef and I can take the Explorer down, clamp it around the eye, and --- +You all wait here. I'm going inside, take a look. Not alone, you're not! +How about that! The bow drove half through her, but she sealed herself right up. What's more important - there's our problem. The bow ram - the sawteeth are holding the Shark in the break. If we can cut the ram, the Shark can pull herself loose! +What's more important - there's our problem. The bow ram - the sawteeth are holding the Shark in the break. If we can cut the ram, the Shark can pull herself loose! I think you're right. +I think you're right. Go back and tell Dr. Neilsen. Have him report to the Skipper. +Yeah? Listen! Hear that? +I don't hear anything. Maybe you've been down here too long. Why don't you go back up and - Strange you didn't hear it. OMIT 274F +Hey - you know somethin'? It's getting lighter in here! You know - it is? +And if I didn't know better - I'd swear we were moving! Let's get back to work, and maybe we will be, soon. +You hear that? The sound again? +Where do you think the voice you heard was coming from? Somewhere down there? +Somewhere down there? Wonder where Powell and Carney are? +Wonder where Powell and Carney are? We'll have to look for them later. +Well? I'm with you! +Here - keep these. It wants me to come alone. Oh it does??? +Dave - ! What's goin' on in here, Lad? What - ? +Get ready. We shove off as soon as Griff reports all the crew aboard. Right, Skipper. +Is there any way out of it? Seems to be all around... +Seems to be all around... What about down? +What about down? I...don't know! +Course and speed? Speed...about twenty-two knots. Course...due north! +A mass of jelly-like stuff came out of the thing, and caught our torpedo! What??? +What course, Skipper? Right at our one-eyed friend! +You better take Powell and Carney with you -- The frogmen? +The frogmen? With their underwater experience, they'll be invaluable. Take sidearms, and flare pistols -- +With their underwater experience, they'll be invaluable. Take sidearms, and flare pistols -- Sidearms? But the saucer's dead. +Sidearms? But the saucer's dead. We hope! +Excuse me, Skipper--- Yes, Griff? +Yes, Griff? All internal repairs completed, and Frogmen report exterior damage minor. +Skipper - could you take a look here...? Something wrong? +Something wrong? The inertial navigation system. Must have been knocked out in the crash. +The inertial navigation system. Must have been knocked out in the crash. Why do you say that? +Why do you say that? We're dead in the water. But it indicates we're moving! +We're dead in the water. But it indicates we're moving! What???? +We read you! Go ahead, Doctor! They're inside the saucer. It's filled with breathable air! Wonderful! +Wonderful! That's wonderful, Carl! Reef thinks they can clear the Shark bow so we can pull ourself loose! +Now they feel it...down below. Radiation level...constantly rising... +Excuse me, Captain - there may be one last, desperate chance - a one-in-a-thousand shot... Anything --- +Anything --- It's possible I could adapt one of the torpedo guidance systems to the ICBM - so it would 'home' on the saucer when he rises from the Pole. +It's possible I could adapt one of the torpedo guidance systems to the ICBM - so it would 'home' on the saucer when he rises from the Pole. What about time...? +It doesn't seem possible, but - could it be an electrical storm center - ? Under water? +Under water? High-intensity arcs will burn, submerged. And millions of volts...discharged in random directions... +...above Murmansk, and Finland. Suppose our theorizing is correct? Then this could be the next danger point! +Suppose our theorizing is correct? Then this could be the next danger point! What if the Tiger Shark were to anticipate a bit? Perhaps be lying there waiting - ? +We took for granted his source of energy was nuclear. But suppose it isn't at all - what if it's magnetic? We harness energy on a small scale by cutting magnetic lines of force. Maybe Cyclops does it on a super scale.... +We harness energy on a small scale by cutting magnetic lines of force. Maybe Cyclops does it on a super scale.... The North Pole is the positive end of the biggest magnet of all - the Earth itself! +....in such a way as to prevent his returning to it and, as you put it.... ...'recharging his batteries'? If we were lucky enough to catch him with his power depleted.... +The radiation level - from the saucer - it's rising! What direction does the system indicate? +As we near the Pole... There's got to be an explanation! +There's got to be an explanation! There is. I believe our friend...Cyclops... is returning to life! +All ready? As ready as we can be! I'll report to the Skipper. +Thought you were going to Washington, Skipper. I did go. Just back. Reef, these are a couple of our passengers - Sir Ian Hunt, and Dr. Clifford Kent. My exec, Commander Richard Holloway. +I did go. Just back. Reef, these are a couple of our passengers - Sir Ian Hunt, and Dr. Clifford Kent. My exec, Commander Richard Holloway. I met Dr. Kent, once. +I'm - afraid I have some bad news for you, Reef - You'll have to share quarters, this trip. Who with? +Who with? Dr. Neilsen. He'll be - - +'Doctor' Neilsen? When did that happen? Huh? +Huh? It'll be all right. We're old friends! +What do you think? I think I should have joined the Air Force! +Determine extent of damage, immediately. After torpedo room: Report! +You're sure it's Cyclops? Take a look. +What's the running time? Thirty-four seconds! +Right at him? That's what I said! +That's what I said! But - what can we accomplish? +But - what can we accomplish? We can ram him! +A hundred and eighty fathoms! We can't be sinking that fast.... It's the screws, Skipper. At our declination angle, running in reverse, they're pulling the Shark and Cyclops right to the bottom. +It's the screws, Skipper. At our declination angle, running in reverse, they're pulling the Shark and Cyclops right to the bottom. And we're at safe maximum depth already.... Stop engines! +Suppose there's an atmosphere, of some kind, inside Cyclops? What? +What? If we could get inside the saucer - use our torches - maybe we could cut the Shark loose? +Straight to the Pole - at almost fifty knots! Nothing we can do, now. +What's the corrected bearing to the Magnetic Pole? Minus three. +Remove your weapons, Commander. And come here - alone! Come where? +That's a face??? Point of view is everything. To us, your form of life is ugly as we appear to you. +Point of view is everything. To us, your form of life is ugly as we appear to you. Tell me something: Why can I hear you, when the others couldn't? +My mission is to study various solar systems, and planets - select the most suitable for colonization - - for horrors like yourself? +Swell! Your friend was to remain where he was! +He did! I am afraid not. Therefore - +Why not me? What am I - the closing act? On the contrary. I want you - unharmed - perfect. +On the contrary. I want you - unharmed - perfect. Why? +Why? I have selected you, to return with me - along with several other specimens, for study. We will examine you and the others, discover desirable features to incorporate in our 'earth-colonizers.' +It is a living thing. When damaged - you would say 'wounded' - it immediately 'heals' itself. That's why no water leaked inside when we rammed you? +That's why no water leaked inside when we rammed you? Of course. But it is time to be- gin the return voyage -- +To navigate, won't you have to... see your way? Obviously. +Obviously. That might be a little rough! +My yeoman will show you to your quarters. Thank you. +See what? The pattern. Each incident occurred almost precisely a thousand statute miles from the Pole. A line through the points of occurrence makes almost a complete circle... +Well, I'll be - ! I'll be another! +Just musing about our 'one-eyed adversary' and the legend of Homer. 'Cyclopes' were the Sons of Heaven, who forged the thunder- bolts thrown by Zeus. Our 'Cyclops' throws quite a thunderbolt, itself! +You plotted the course of Cyclops? Then that's our course! Wherever he goes, we go.....until we get him! Or, perhaps, until he gets us? +We've asked ourselves that - over and over - a thousand times. But answers are what we need - not more questions! +Due north. At five knots...no, six! Toward the Pole! +Cyclops will have to linger at the Pole to recharge his power banks. All right - go to it. +You got yourself a computer, Alma. Been putting my files into it. You take sugar and milk? +Been putting my files into it. You take sugar and milk? No. Black. +Are you alright, Wade? Yeah, sure. Why? I got this damned tooth, I got a few things bugging me, like everybody else. But I'm okay. +Yeah, sure. Why? I got this damned tooth, I got a few things bugging me, like everybody else. But I'm okay. Well, you look... sad. Upset. I don't mean to pry. I'm sorry about your mother. It was a nice funeral. +Well, you look... sad. Upset. I don't mean to pry. I'm sorry about your mother. It was a nice funeral. Alma, I think there's some dirty business going on in this town. +Alma, I think there's some dirty business going on in this town. Always has been. +Always has been. This is maybe worse than you and I are used to. What I'm talking about, I'm talking about murder. Among other things. +This is maybe worse than you and I are used to. What I'm talking about, I'm talking about murder. Among other things. Who? +Who? Evan Twombley, the union boss who got shot. Somebody murdered him. +Evan Twombley, the union boss who got shot. Somebody murdered him. Who? +Who? You know Jack Hewitt, the kid I work with? +...if Jack told the truth, he could be free by the time he's my age. Sometimes things are simpler than you think. Let me ask you a question. +Sometimes things are simpler than you think. Let me ask you a question. You don't believe me? +You don't believe me? About Jack? No. Have you checked out the tax bill on your father's farm lately? +About Jack? No. Have you checked out the tax bill on your father's farm lately? I know he's due for the last two years. I was thinking of paying it when the insurance comes in. +I know he's due for the last two years. I was thinking of paying it when the insurance comes in. Has anybody offered to buy it? +Has anybody offered to buy it? As a mater of fact, yes. LaRiviere. +This is from three years ago. Some difference, huh? What is the Northcountry Development Association? +What is the Northcountry Development Association? I went down to Concord to check it out. The president is Mel Gordon. The vice-president and treasurer is Gordon LaRiviere. Those boys are buying up the mountain, Wade. $364,000 this year. I believe that's out of LaRiviere's league. +I went down to Concord to check it out. The president is Mel Gordon. The vice-president and treasurer is Gordon LaRiviere. Those boys are buying up the mountain, Wade. $364,000 this year. I believe that's out of LaRiviere's league. Twombley involved? +Twombley involved? No. +No. He musta found out. They had to get rid of him. And Jack'll get blamed. +He musta found out. They had to get rid of him. And Jack'll get blamed. All the figures show is that Gordon LaRiviere is going to be a very rich man using his position as Selectman. In a year or two, you won't recognize this town. +What are you boys up to? Same old shit. +The good news is we haven't got to your car yet. The bad news -- Just tell me when you'll have it fixed. +Just tell me when you'll have it fixed. -- the bad news is there's a problem with Gordon's truck what somebody drove through the ice last night. Figured you'd know something about that, Wade. +-- the bad news is there's a problem with Gordon's truck what somebody drove through the ice last night. Figured you'd know something about that, Wade. Yeah. I know about that. +Yeah. I know about that. LaRiviere says he ain't gonna pay for the fixin' of your car. A couple hundred for the clutch. I got some more bad news. Wanna hear it? +LaRiviere says he ain't gonna pay for the fixin' of your car. A couple hundred for the clutch. I got some more bad news. Wanna hear it? Tell me. +Tell me. Chub says you're fired. +Chub says you're fired. He can't fire me. LaRiviere already did that this morning. +He can't fire me. LaRiviere already did that this morning. He's a Selectman. The town. He said to tell you to turn your badge in and clean out your office. I'm supposed to pull the CB and police light out of your car. They're town property. +I screwed up the divorce. I agreed with everything she said. I wanted her to like me. I just want to be a good father. It would help if you were married, if there was someone at home while you work. +It would help if you were married, if there was someone at home while you work. I plan to. Soon. +I plan to. Soon. How soon? +How soon? This spring. +This spring. Good. It would help if there were some drug or alcohol abuse on the part of your ex-wife. Sexual problems upsetting to the child. +Good. It would help if there were some drug or alcohol abuse on the part of your ex-wife. Sexual problems upsetting to the child. It looks pretty hopeless, don't it? +It looks pretty hopeless, don't it? No, not exactly. I'll look at the divorce decree, see if we can get it redrawn. Interview your daughter. Jill, right? +No, not exactly. I'll look at the divorce decree, see if we can get it redrawn. Interview your daughter. Jill, right? Yes. +Yes. Fine. I'll need a $500 retainer. You can mail it. +Fine. I'll need a $500 retainer. You can mail it. Jesus. How much... how much will the whole thing cost? +Jesus. How much... how much will the whole thing cost? Hard to say. If we go for custody, depositions, psychiatric evaluations, it could drag on. Ten or twelve thousand dollars. She could win on appeal. If we just want to get the visitation rights redrawn, assuming they're unduly restrictive, it wouldn't be more than twenty-five hundred. +Hard to say. If we go for custody, depositions, psychiatric evaluations, it could drag on. Ten or twelve thousand dollars. She could win on appeal. If we just want to get the visitation rights redrawn, assuming they're unduly restrictive, it wouldn't be more than twenty-five hundred. Oh. +Oh. You might be better off legally as well as financially to just go for the -- +You might be better off legally as well as financially to just go for the -- Yeah. I know. The custody suit thing was just my getting back at her. I'm not as dumb as I look. Whatever you say. I love my daughter. I'll send you the five hundred. +You heard the news. I hear Twombley got shot. +I hear Twombley got shot. Yeah. +You see it? Nope. Heard it. We wasn't far apart. I spotted this buck, then I heard the gun go off and Twombley was gone. I looked over the little cliff we was using for a stand and there the fucker was, deader'n shit. Called it right in. +Nope. Heard it. We wasn't far apart. I spotted this buck, then I heard the gun go off and Twombley was gone. I looked over the little cliff we was using for a stand and there the fucker was, deader'n shit. Called it right in. This is gonna be one fucking mess to clean up. Twombley's son-in-law and daughter are up the weekend. Didn't you say you'd seen him, Wade? +Might as well take the rest of the day off. You look sort of fucked up. You've been paid for the day, anyhow, right? Not exactly. I mean, he never paid me. +Not exactly. I mean, he never paid me. You'll get your money. Don't talk to any newspapers about this. Twombley's a big deal down in Massachusetts, you know. Tell them your lawyer says you shouldn't comment. +You'll get your money. Don't talk to any newspapers about this. Twombley's a big deal down in Massachusetts, you know. Tell them your lawyer says you shouldn't comment. Lawyer? I don't need no lawyer, do I? +Lawyer? I don't need no lawyer, do I? No, of course not. Just say it, that's all. +He's on to us! Shit! What are we gonna do? +Shit! What are we gonna do? Maybe I can buy him off. I gotta talk to Mel. +Maybe I can buy him off. I gotta talk to Mel. You can't buy Wade off. +You can't buy Wade off. We bought you. +We bought you. That was me. +It's not enough snow, not for tracking the bastards. No advantage there, kid. Don't worry, Mr. Twombley, I know where those suckers are. Rain or shine, snow or no snow. I know deer. We'll kill us a buck today. Guaranteed. Before ten. +Don't worry, Mr. Twombley, I know where those suckers are. Rain or shine, snow or no snow. I know deer. We'll kill us a buck today. Guaranteed. Before ten. Guaranteed, eh? +Guaranteed, eh? Yep. Right about now the does are holing up in the brush piles. The bucks are right behind them and we're right behind the bucks. This gun gets fired before ten o'clock. Whether it kills a deer or not is more less up to you. I'll put you inside 30, 35 yards of a buck the first four hours of the season. That's what you're paying me for, ain't it? +Yep. Right about now the does are holing up in the brush piles. The bucks are right behind them and we're right behind the bucks. This gun gets fired before ten o'clock. Whether it kills a deer or not is more less up to you. I'll put you inside 30, 35 yards of a buck the first four hours of the season. That's what you're paying me for, ain't it? Damn straight! +Done much shooting with that rifle yet? Tell you what. You get me close to a big buck by ten, kid, there's another hundred bucks in it. +Tell you what. You get me close to a big buck by ten, kid, there's another hundred bucks in it. If you get it? +If you get it? Yeah. +Yeah. You might not kill it. +You might not kill it. You think so. +You think so. You might gut-shoot it or cripple it for somebody else to find and tag. Can't guarantee that won't happen, especially with a new gun. I may have to shoot it. +You might gut-shoot it or cripple it for somebody else to find and tag. Can't guarantee that won't happen, especially with a new gun. I may have to shoot it. You take care of your end, kid, I'll take care of mine. +You take care of your end, kid, I'll take care of mine. Mmm. +Mmm. You understand what I'm saying? I want a deer, a dead one, not a cripple or whatthefuck. +You understand what I'm saying? I want a deer, a dead one, not a cripple or whatthefuck. I get it. No sweat. You'll get yourself a deer and you'll get him dead. And you'll have him by coffee time. +I get it. No sweat. You'll get yourself a deer and you'll get him dead. And you'll have him by coffee time. And you'll get your extra hundred bucks. +And you'll get your extra hundred bucks. Wonderful! +I'm okay. Follow close. We'll cross the next meadow. +I used to play ball. Yeah? +Yeah? Drafted by the Red Sox. +Drafted by the Red Sox. You played for the Sox? +You played for the Sox? Double A. New Britain. +Double A. New Britain. Oh. +Oh. "Pitcher. ""Best ballplayer to come out of New Hampshire since Carlton Fisk.""" +"Pitcher. ""Best ballplayer to come out of New Hampshire since Carlton Fisk.""" Really. +Really. They said. +They said. Hmm. +Hmm. The only difference between me and that Clemens on TV is luck, shit luck. +The only difference between me and that Clemens on TV is luck, shit luck. What happened? +What happened? Ruined my arm. Brought me along too fast. Why'd it have to be my fucking arm, I used to think. Then I realized it had to be somebody's fucking arm. +Safety on? Yeah. +Yeah. This way. +This way. Sun's gettin high. +Sun's gettin high. Deers have ears too. +Fresh tracks. Deer shit. Big one. Here's your buck, Mr. Twombley. I'll circle around. You only got a little while if you want your hundred bucks. +Don't mind if I do. LaRiviere's having a hell of a time in there. Master of fucking ceremonies. +LaRiviere's having a hell of a time in there. Master of fucking ceremonies. Where's that gun you were bragging on today? +No brag. Just fact. Got you for -- 450, 500 bucks? +I thought I told you to move that truck! Relax, Chief. We're leaving. You wanna toke? +Relax, Chief. We're leaving. You wanna toke? You gotta be more careful about that shit. Gordon or one of those guys sees you smoking that wacky tabacky around me they'll expect me to bust you. And I'll be outta a job. +You gotta be more careful about that shit. Gordon or one of those guys sees you smoking that wacky tabacky around me they'll expect me to bust you. And I'll be outta a job. Some job. Here, have a hit. Don't be such a hardass. I know you got problems, but everybody's got problems. +Some job. Here, have a hit. Don't be such a hardass. I know you got problems, but everybody's got problems. Not here. +Got a job first thing in the morning, first day of season. Saturday I'll hunt for myself. Twombley something. - Er -- Evan. He's a mucky-muck union official from Massachusetts. You're lucky. +Evan. He's a mucky-muck union official from Massachusetts. You're lucky. Don't know about lucky. The guy's a full-blown asshole. Pay's good, though. $100 a day. I got to guarantee a kill, of course. Which I can do. There's some monster bucks hiding out up there. +Don't know about lucky. The guy's a full-blown asshole. Pay's good, though. $100 a day. I got to guarantee a kill, of course. Which I can do. There's some monster bucks hiding out up there. How'd you get the job? +How'd you get the job? Gordon, he's always got some angle working. He wants to keep Twombley happy, I'm his boy. +Like you and Gordon? Right. The sonofabitch couldn't get along without me. +Right. The sonofabitch couldn't get along without me. Yeah, he'd go broke tomorrow if you quit him. +Yeah, he'd go broke tomorrow if you quit him. Right! +Bastard's got his high beams on. Shit. +Aw, shit, she's here to get Jill. Me and Jill had a little argument. Jack, I got to get back, get back to town. Move this thing, will you? See if you can get back to the Town Hall before they get there, okay? Piece of fucking cake. +Where'd Twombley get shot? In the chest. +In the chest. No, I mean whereabouts. +No, I mean whereabouts. A half mile in, along the old lumber road. +A half mile in, along the old lumber road. You bring him up yourself? That's a steep climb. +You bring him up yourself? That's a steep climb. The ambulance guys lugged him up. +The ambulance guys lugged him up. You stayed away? +You stayed away? Yeah. +Yeah. Where'd you get the blood? +Where'd you get the blood? What blood? +What blood? On your sleeve. +On your sleeve. Musta... How'd I know? What're you doing, playing cop? +Musta... How'd I know? What're you doing, playing cop? I gotta make a report to Fish and Game. I was just wondering, that's all. What'd he do, to shoot himself, I mean? +I gotta make a report to Fish and Game. I was just wondering, that's all. What'd he do, to shoot himself, I mean? Who the fuck knows? Musta slipped or something. I just heard the gun go off. +Who the fuck knows? Musta slipped or something. I just heard the gun go off. I never seen a man shot before. Not even in the service. Must be something. +I never seen a man shot before. Not even in the service. Must be something. Well, I didn't actually see him do it. Like I said. +Well, I didn't actually see him do it. Like I said. Sure you did. +Sure you did. What? +What? Saw him do it? +Saw him do it? What the fuck you telling me, Wade? I never seen the guy get shot, I told you that. +What the fuck you telling me, Wade? I never seen the guy get shot, I told you that. You musta seen him get shot. I know you did. +You musta seen him get shot. I know you did. Let's get the fuck outta here. You're not making any sense, man. +There's your old twenty-gauge, and that there's the new Browning you was showing me last night. This must be Twombley's gun. Brand new. Very fancy tooling. Probably fired one time. It's a beautiful piece of work. But what the hell, Jack, I guess you deserve it. Right's right. Yeah. +Yeah. Twombley sure as hell won't be shooting it again. +Twombley sure as hell won't be shooting it again. He sure as hell won't. +I'm fucking out of here. Lawford? +Lawford? Out of this fucking job. This job sucks. Working outside in the winter sucks. +Open the door, will ya? Why don't you quit now, you want out so bad? +Why don't you quit now, you want out so bad? Open the door. We're late. +Open the door. We're late. I mean it -- you got enough money now. Head out for California. Surf's up, Jack, and you're digging wells in the snow. +I mean it -- you got enough money now. Head out for California. Surf's up, Jack, and you're digging wells in the snow. What do you mean I got money? I'm as broke as you. +I'm sorry for the screw-up. But I couldn't help it it's too late to go trick-or-treating now. I couldn't help it I had to stop at Penny's for the costume. And you were hungry, remember. Who's fault is it then if it's not yours? You're the one in charge, Daddy. +Who's fault is it then if it's not yours? You're the one in charge, Daddy. Yeah. +Yeah. Look. Those kids are still trick-or- treating. They're still out. +Those are the Hoyts. I don't care. They're out. +I don't care. They're out. Can't you see... look out there. Nobody's got their porch lights on anymore. It's too late. Those Hoyt kids are just out to get in trouble. See, they put shaving cream all over that mailbox there. They chopped down Herb Crane's new bushes. Little bastards. Jesus H. Christ. +Why do they do that? Do what? +Do what? You know. +You know. Break stuff? +Break stuff? Yeah. It's stupid. +Yeah. It's stupid. I guess they're stupid. +I guess they're stupid. Did you do that when you were a kid? +Did you do that when you were a kid? Well, yeah. Sort of. Nothing really mean. Me and my pals, me and my brothers. It was kind of funny then. Stealing pumpkins, soaping windows. Stuff like that. +Well, yeah. Sort of. Nothing really mean. Me and my pals, me and my brothers. It was kind of funny then. Stealing pumpkins, soaping windows. Stuff like that. Was it funny? +Was it funny? To us it was. +To us it was. But it's not funny now. +But it's not funny now. It's not funny now. I'm a cop and I gotta listen to all the complaints people make. I'm not a kid anymore. You change. +It's not funny now. I'm a cop and I gotta listen to all the complaints people make. I'm not a kid anymore. You change. I bet you did lots of bad things. +I bet you did lots of bad things. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I just think you used to be bad. +I just think you used to be bad. No. I didn't used to be bad. No sir. Where do you get this stuff? From your mother? +No. I didn't used to be bad. No sir. Where do you get this stuff? From your mother? No. She doesn't talk about you anymore. +Go on, Jill. Some of those kids you still know. I don't want to. +I don't want to. Why? Why not? You know these kids from when you went to school here. It hasn't been that long. +Why? Why not? You know these kids from when you went to school here. It hasn't been that long. It's not that. +It's not that. What then? +What then? It's stupid. +It's stupid. It's fun. +It's fun. I want to go home. I don't like it here. +I want to go home. I don't like it here. Oh, Jesus, come on, will you? Don't mess this up anymore than it's already been messed up. Join the other kids. Do that and before you know it you'll be as happy as a goddamned clam. +Some party, huh? Sorry I lost sight of you. I had to step outside for a smoke. You find anybody you know here? There must be some kids you used to know from school. You want to go tomorrow? See your old teachers? Be more fun than hanging out with me all day. No. +No. No what? +No what? No I didn't see anybody I know. No I don't want to go to school here tomorrow. I want to go home. +No I didn't see anybody I know. No I don't want to go to school here tomorrow. I want to go home. You are home. There are lots of kids you still know here. +You are home. There are lots of kids you still know here. I don't want to be here. Don't worry, I love you, Daddy, I do. But I want to go home. +I don't want to be here. Don't worry, I love you, Daddy, I do. But I want to go home. Jesus. Listen, Jill, tell you what. Tomorrow morning, you still want to go home, I'll drive you down. I'll get off work or something. +Jesus. Listen, Jill, tell you what. Tomorrow morning, you still want to go home, I'll drive you down. I'll get off work or something. I called Mommy. +I called Mommy. What? You called Mommy? Just now? +What? You called Mommy? Just now? Yes. +Yes. Jesus, why? +Jesus, why? I... because I want to go home. She said she'd come and get me. +I... because I want to go home. She said she'd come and get me. Come and get you! Shit! It's a damn half hour drive each way. Why didn't you talk to me about it first? +Come and get you! Shit! It's a damn half hour drive each way. Why didn't you talk to me about it first? See, I knew you'd be mad. +See, I knew you'd be mad. Yeah. Yeah, right, I'm mad. What'd you tell her, for Christ sake? +Yeah. Yeah, right, I'm mad. What'd you tell her, for Christ sake? I told her I wanted to come home. Daddy, don't be mad at me. +I told her I wanted to come home. Daddy, don't be mad at me. Well, I guess I am. I planned this, I planned all this, you know. I mean, it's sort of pathetic, but I planned it. You shouldn't have called your mother. C'mon, we're gonna call her before she leaves. +She's gone already! Gone already! Couldn't wait. Yes. +Yes. "That's all you got to say? ""Yes""." +"That's all you got to say? ""Yes""." Yes. +Yes. She won't be here for a half hour. Think you can stand it that long? +She won't be here for a half hour. Think you can stand it that long? Yes. +Yes. Where do you expect to wait for her? Obviously downstairs with the other kids isn't good enough. +Sit right there by yourself if you want. Wait for her by yourself. That's fine with me. Just dandy. I'm going downstairs. That's fine with me too. When Mommy comes, tell her I'm up here. +Dad. I'm glad you're here. Can you stay for a while? +Are we going in this? Yeah. My car's in the shop. This'll be fine. +Yeah. My car's in the shop. This'll be fine. It's pretty old. +It's pretty old. It belongs to Pop. +It belongs to Pop. Pop? +Pop? Grandpa. My father. It's his. +Grandpa. My father. It's his. Oh. +How about a Big Mac? Mommy won't let me eat fast food. You know that. It's bad for you. +Mommy won't let me eat fast food. You know that. It's bad for you. C'mon, we can always sneak a Big Mac. And a cherry turnover. Your favorite. What do you say? +C'mon, we can always sneak a Big Mac. And a cherry turnover. Your favorite. What do you say? No. +No. What do you want, then? +What do you want, then? Nothing. +Nothing. You can't have nothing, Jill. We need lunch. Mr. Pizza? +You can't have nothing, Jill. We need lunch. Mr. Pizza? Same thing, Daddy. Mommy says -- +Same thing, Daddy. Mommy says -- I know what Mommy says. I'm in charge today, though. +I know what Mommy says. I'm in charge today, though. Okay. So we'll get what you want. What do you want? +Nothing, I guess. I guess I can wait till we get home. Maybe we'll stop by Wickham's for a hamburger when we get to Lawford. That suit you? You always like Wickham's. Okay. +Okay. Fine. +Please don't cry. Please, honey. What are you sorry for? +What are you sorry for? I don't know. For the food business. I guess. I just thought, you know, we'd sneak a Big Mac on Mommy, like we used to. +I don't know. For the food business. I guess. I just thought, you know, we'd sneak a Big Mac on Mommy, like we used to. I want to go home. +I want to go home. You can't. +That's illegal, you know. I know. +I know. You're a policeman. +You're a policeman. Nope. Not anymore. I'm nothing anymore. +Nope. Not anymore. I'm nothing anymore. Oh. +Jill, please, it's alright. Nothing happened. I want to go home. +I want to go home. Okay, let's go home, then. +We're looking for the funniest costume! And the scariest! And the most imaginative! And the best costume of all! Got here just in time. Go ahead. Jump in line. Maybe you'll win a prize. +Tomorrow, Gordon. Watch this snow. It's coming down tonight. +Told you the snow was coming down. Take the grader. Where's the plow? +Where's the plow? Jimmy took it. Jack's out hunting with Evan Twombley. +Jimmy took it. Jack's out hunting with Evan Twombley. His son-in-law damn near killed me. +His son-in-law damn near killed me. Huh? +Huh? At the school crossing. In his BMW. Coulda hurt some kids. I'm gonna bust his ass. +At the school crossing. In his BMW. Coulda hurt some kids. I'm gonna bust his ass. Don't go playing policeman. +Don't go playing policeman. What am I -- a security guard? You hired me, you and your Selectman friends. +What am I -- a security guard? You hired me, you and your Selectman friends. You don't want the extra police pay? +You don't want the extra police pay? I'm not saying that. +I'm not saying that. Get the grader. Go out 29 past Toby's. Don't let Lillian get to you. She didn't belong here. That's why she left. +Get the grader. Go out 29 past Toby's. Don't let Lillian get to you. She didn't belong here. That's why she left. Fuck you. +Fuck you. That's what I love about a small town. You know everybody. +What's the hurry? A hunting accident. Jack and Twombley. +A hunting accident. Jack and Twombley. Huh? +Huh? I figured you already heard. +I figured you already heard. Twombley, Jesus. We got to get moving: I got to get up there. How would I know? C'mon, you drive. We'll take my truck. +Fuck. Turn it off. All you heard was there was some kinda accident? Twombley's shot. I heard that. Not Jack. He's okay, I assume. +Twombley's shot. I heard that. Not Jack. He's okay, I assume. Fuck. You don't know how bad or anything? +Fuck. You don't know how bad or anything? You mean Twombley? +You mean Twombley? Yes, Wade, I mean Twombley. Put out that cigarette. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. +He more than likely just shot himself in the foot or something. That's what usually happens. I shoulda sent you instead of Jack. +I shoulda sent you instead of Jack. I wish you had. I'd rather be deer hunting instead of freezing my ass on that fucking grader. +I wish you had. I'd rather be deer hunting instead of freezing my ass on that fucking grader. You ain't the hunter Jack is. And he can't drive the grader worth shit. +You ain't the hunter Jack is. And he can't drive the grader worth shit. Like hell. +That must've been Twombley. Jesus. I bet that was Twombley. You want me to follow them to Littleton? +You want me to follow them to Littleton? Let's get to the top and talk to Jack first. He'll know what happened. He fucking better. If this coulda been avoided, I'll put that kid's ass in a sling. +What the fuck. My day's already ruined. Give me the keys. You can go back with Jack. You still got a shitload of plowing to do. It ain't done, if that's what you mean. +It ain't done, if that's what you mean. Something bugging you? +Something bugging you? Yeah. A few things. +Yeah. A few things. Well, right now we're not too interested. Finish up what you gotta do, then you can get bugged on your own time. +How you holding up, Wade? I'm fine, fine. +I'm fine, fine. You Rolfe? I remember you from high school. You're a teacher now? Harvard? +Sorry about the long lunch. My clutch is going out again. You ever think of getting a new car, Wade? +You ever think of getting a new car, Wade? On what you pay me? +On what you pay me? Elaine! Call Chub Meritt and have him pick up Wade's car, fix the clutch. +What do I have to do for it? Nothing, Wade, I've been thinking. You don't get enough appreciation around here and it's time we changed things a little. +Nothing, Wade, I've been thinking. You don't get enough appreciation around here and it's time we changed things a little. I saw Mel Gordon in here this morning. +I saw Mel Gordon in here this morning. So? +So? He say anything about the summons I tried to give him? Sonofabitch wouldn't accept it. +He say anything about the summons I tried to give him? Sonofabitch wouldn't accept it. Wade, that wasn't smart. Going out right after the man's father-in-law shot himself. Let it go. Call it a favor to me. +Wade, that wasn't smart. Going out right after the man's father-in-law shot himself. Let it go. Call it a favor to me. You? Why? +You? Why? Mel's doing some business with me. It's nice to do favors for people you do business with. He was in a hurry. No big deal. +Mel's doing some business with me. It's nice to do favors for people you do business with. He was in a hurry. No big deal. That was before Twombley was shot. Before he knew. +That was before Twombley was shot. Before he knew. What's the difference? Take my truck, take a rest -- stop worrying about Mel Gordon. Have you decided what to do with your old man's place -- he going to stay there? +What's the difference? Take my truck, take a rest -- stop worrying about Mel Gordon. Have you decided what to do with your old man's place -- he going to stay there? Want to buy? +Want to buy? Don't light that in here. I'm allergic. +Don't light that in here. I'm allergic. I won't. You interested? +I won't. You interested? Maybe. +Maybe. You and Mel Gordon? +You and Mel Gordon? Could be. +Could be. Always count on old Wade for a good screwing. Why should I always pay more, sell cheap? Why should you guys make all the money. You and Mel and Jack. Right's right. +Wade, you're done. Let me have the shop keys. You two, don't you get it? He's using you. You're his slaves. Jesus Christ, Jack, don't you see that? +You two, don't you get it? He's using you. You're his slaves. Jesus Christ, Jack, don't you see that? The key, Wade. +The key, Wade. Yeah, you can have the key. It's the key that's kept me locked to you all these years. I give it to you with pleasure. Now I'm free. See how easy it is, Jack? All you got to do is give back what the man gave you, and you're free of him. I've got to call my brother. +Lillian! Where's Jill? +Me and Jill, we just had a little spat. She felt kind of left out, I guess, from not knowing some of the new kids -- Where is she now? Is she in the truck with your friends? +While you went off for a few beers with your friends? Is that Hettie Rodgers there, with whatzizname? Yeah. +Yeah. She's grown up some, hasn't she? +She's grown up some, hasn't she? Oh, Jesus, lay off, will you? It looks like you've won this fucking round already, so lay off a little, for Christ's sake. +I don't want her to go, Lillian. Don't cause a scene. No one's trying to win any 'rounds'. Don't make it any worse. +Don't cause a scene. No one's trying to win any 'rounds'. Don't make it any worse. I'm not making it any worse. You are. Me and Jill could've worked this thing out. It's normal, it's even normal for me to get a little touchy about it. Believe it or not. How do you think this makes me look, treating her like some tragic victim or something? +You ever come to your father's grave anymore? No, not anymore. It's too... it's too far. +No, not anymore. It's too... it's too far. We should talk. +We should talk. We've done all our talking, Wade. +We've done all our talking, Wade. It's just... +It's just... Let the past be. I'm sorry about your mother. I liked her. You never know how much women like that suffer. It's like they live their lives with the sound turned off -- and then they're gone. +Wait there. She'll be right out. Is there snow on the ground up in Lawford? Yeah, lots. +Yeah, lots. See. Get your boots. +See. Get your boots. Hi honey. +No problem. Look, I... You make me sick. I can't believe you've sunk so low. +You make me sick. I can't believe you've sunk so low. Low as what? What have I done? It's bad to want to see your own daughter? +Low as what? What have I done? It's bad to want to see your own daughter? You know what I'm talking about. For what you're doing to me and to the child you say you love so much. Love. You won't get away with it. +Are you okay, Wade? What was wrong? Why were you holding everyone up? Did you see that sonofabitch in the BMW? He could've killed somebody. +Did you see that sonofabitch in the BMW? He could've killed somebody. Did you get his number? +Did you get his number? I know who it is. +I know who it is. Good. Who? +Good. Who? Mel Gordon. +Mel Gordon. I still don't understand -- +I still don't understand -- From Boston. Evan Twombley's son-in- law -- he was driving. I know where they're headed. Up the lake, Agaway. The old man's out deer hunting with Jack Hewitt, so they probably got some big weekend party planned. +New hat? Jill's up, I see. For a while. +For a while. How's she doing? +How's she doing? Okay. She's fine. +Okay. She's fine. You two want to do anything tomorrow and need a third party, give me a call, okay? I'm off. +Don't worry. I can protect my virtue. I mean, c'mon, Wade, give me a break. See you tomorrow, maybe. +See you tomorrow, maybe. You okay? +You okay? Yeah. +You okay? Yeah. +Yeah. I'm sorry about what I said. +I'm sorry about what I said. Said what? +Said what? About you and Jill and needing a third person. She went back to Lillian? +About you and Jill and needing a third person. She went back to Lillian? Forget it. +Forget it. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. I'm going to start one of those custody suits. I don't give a fucking shit. You know? +You don't mean that. Yeah. I mean that. +Yeah. I mean that. No you don't. You're pissed, that's all. You ought to cool off for a few days then have a long talk with Lillian. You know? Work it out with her, tell her how you feel. Lillian's not out to get you. +No you don't. You're pissed, that's all. You ought to cool off for a few days then have a long talk with Lillian. You know? Work it out with her, tell her how you feel. Lillian's not out to get you. The hell she isn't. Lillian's been trying to nail me to a cross since the day I met her. I'm gonna hire me a fucking lawyer from Concord and get this thing, this divorce thing, rearranged. I've been thinking about it a lot. It's like she owns Jill or something. Nobody owns nobody, especially not kids. And I pay her. +Call me. Tonight. Let's get together. +Tonight. Let's get together. Okay. +Jack's sort of sensitive, I guess. More than most. But he'll be okay in a few weeks. There's something funny about that shooting. There's lots funny about it, actually. +There's something funny about that shooting. There's lots funny about it, actually. I heard he was drunk at Toby's last night and got in a fight with Hettie. He drove off without her... +I heard he was drunk at Toby's last night and got in a fight with Hettie. He drove off without her... I'm sure, I'm positive it didn't happen the way Jack says it did. +I'm sure, I'm positive it didn't happen the way Jack says it did. ...Jack's turned into one of those men who are permanently angry. He used to be a sweet kid, but it's like, when he found out he couldn't play ball anymore, he changed. Now he's like everyone else. +...Jack's turned into one of those men who are permanently angry. He used to be a sweet kid, but it's like, when he found out he couldn't play ball anymore, he changed. Now he's like everyone else. I've been wondering if maybe Jack shot Twombley, instead of Twombley shooting himself. I've been wondering maybe Jack shot him on purpose. +I've been wondering if maybe Jack shot Twombley, instead of Twombley shooting himself. I've been wondering maybe Jack shot him on purpose. Wade! How can you even think such a thing? Why would Jack Hewitt do that, shoot Twombley on purpose? +Money. Jack doesn't need money. +Jack doesn't need money. Everybody needs money. Except guys like Twombley and that sonofabitch son-in-law of his. People like that. +Everybody needs money. Except guys like Twombley and that sonofabitch son-in-law of his. People like that. Jack wouldn't kill for it. Besides, who would pay him? +Jack wouldn't kill for it. Besides, who would pay him? Lots of people. Guy like Evan Twombley, Boston union official, probably got lots of people want to see him dead. The Government's been investigating his links with the Mafia. +Lots of people. Guy like Evan Twombley, Boston union official, probably got lots of people want to see him dead. The Government's been investigating his links with the Mafia. The Mafia hire Jack Hewitt? +The Mafia hire Jack Hewitt? No, I just know Jack's lying about what happened. He just seemed -- I know that kid, what he's like inside. He's a lot like I was at his age. +No, I just know Jack's lying about what happened. He just seemed -- I know that kid, what he's like inside. He's a lot like I was at his age. You wouldn't have done anything like that, shot someone for money. +You wouldn't have done anything like that, shot someone for money. No. Not for money. But, if somebody'd given me half a damned excuse -- I was pretty fucked up, you know. +No. Not for money. But, if somebody'd given me half a damned excuse -- I was pretty fucked up, you know. But not now. +I can see what you looked like as a kid. You knew me as a kid. +You knew me as a kid. Yeah, but never what you looked like. Not really. Never really studied your face, like now. I was never able to see you as a kid when you were a kid until now, this way. +Yeah, but never what you looked like. Not really. Never really studied your face, like now. I was never able to see you as a kid when you were a kid until now, this way. What way? +What way? After making love. I like it. It's nice to see that in a grown-up person. +After making love. I like it. It's nice to see that in a grown-up person. It's nice. +Don't you think, do you still think it's a good idea to press this custody thing -- just now? I'm her father -- supposed to be, but I'm not able to. Yes. Yes, I am. It may be the only thing in my life I've been so clear about wanting. Even if it takes a big fight. +I'm her father -- supposed to be, but I'm not able to. Yes. Yes, I am. It may be the only thing in my life I've been so clear about wanting. Even if it takes a big fight. Then... I guess you have to. +Then... I guess you have to. There's another thing I've been thinking about. I don't know how you feel about the idea, Margie, because we've never talked about it. But I've been thinking lately, I've been thinking we should get married sometime. You and me. +There's another thing I've been thinking about. I don't know how you feel about the idea, Margie, because we've never talked about it. But I've been thinking lately, I've been thinking we should get married sometime. You and me. Oh, Wade. +Oh, Wade. I've been thinking about it, that's all. +I've been thinking about it, that's all. You've been married twice -- +You've been married twice -- It was to the same woman. I was just a kid... It's not like a marriage proposal or anything, just a thought. Something for you and me to talk about and think about. You know? +It was to the same woman. I was just a kid... It's not like a marriage proposal or anything, just a thought. Something for you and me to talk about and think about. You know? Alright. I'll think about it. +Alright. I'll think about it. Good. +Did you tell them? That we were coming? Don't you think it's proper for a fella to introduce his girl to his parents? +Don't you think it's proper for a fella to introduce his girl to his parents? I know your parents. +I know your parents. I just want to pick up my divorce papers. For the lawyer. It won't take long. +Are you sure they're home? Did you call? The truck's here. Looks like they've stayed inside since the snow started. +Strange. Think they're alright? +Think they're alright? Of course! I would've heard. +Of course! I would've heard. How? +How? I don't know for Christ's sake! +This is nuts. Wade. +What happened? Jesus Christ, Pop, let's go home. I got waylaid. Sorry. +What on earth is happening to you? Why are you acting this way? It's my tooth! My fucking tooth! I can't even think anymore because of it. +It's my tooth! My fucking tooth! I can't even think anymore because of it. I heard you talking. You got fired this morning, didn't you? +I heard you talking. You got fired this morning, didn't you? Look, that's temporary, believe me. There's so much shit gonna hit the fan the next few days, my getting fired by LaRiviere and Merritt won't matter a bit. +Going somewhere, Margie? I'm just cleaning out some of this stuff that's built up. For the rummage sale. And some things for the cleaners. And the laundromat. +I'm just cleaning out some of this stuff that's built up. For the rummage sale. And some things for the cleaners. And the laundromat. Don't lie to me. You're leaving me, I can see that. +Don't lie to me. You're leaving me, I can see that. Don't be silly. Hi, Jill. +Have you been heating the house? Not just with the stove. There's a furnace. +There's a furnace. You're not using it today? +You're not using it today? It's broke I guess. There's an electric in the bedroom. +It's broke I guess. There's an electric in the bedroom. Maybe Wade should take a look at it. Your pipes'll freeze. Wade, would you do that? +Coffee's perked. When did she die? +When did she die? Is...? She's dead then? +It makes me sad. Can --? +Can --? Makes me sad it was her. Instead of me. I shoulda froze. +Whitehouse. Next time, phone ahead. How's that? +I said, 'Next time, phone ahead.' Jesus Christ. Mr. Gordon, when I come all the way to serve somebody a summons, I don't call ahead for an appointment. +Jesus Christ. Mr. Gordon, when I come all the way to serve somebody a summons, I don't call ahead for an appointment. What the hell are you talking about? +What the hell are you talking about? I'm issuing you a ticket. Moving violation. +I'm issuing you a ticket. Moving violation. Moving violation! I just got out of bed and you're telling me you're giving me a goddamn speeding ticket? Now? Are you nuts? Is that it, Whitehouse? You're nuts? +Moving violation! I just got out of bed and you're telling me you're giving me a goddamn speeding ticket? Now? Are you nuts? Is that it, Whitehouse? You're nuts? Yesterday morning, you passed a stopped school bus, which was flashing its lights, then you-- +Yesterday morning, you passed a stopped school bus, which was flashing its lights, then you-- Hold on! +Hold on! Don't ever put your hands on me, Mr. Gordon. +Don't ever put your hands on me, Mr. Gordon. You're talking about a goddamned ticket, from when I passed you at the school where you were deciding to hold up traffic while dreaming of becoming a traffic cop or something? +You're talking about a goddamned ticket, from when I passed you at the school where you were deciding to hold up traffic while dreaming of becoming a traffic cop or something? Don't give me a hard time, Mr. Gordon. I'm just -- +Don't give me a hard time, Mr. Gordon. I'm just -- Doing your fucking job. I know. I watch television too. +Doing your fucking job. I know. I watch television too. Yes. Here's your ticket. +Yes. Here's your ticket. You get the hell out of my house now, asshole. And know this -- you are going to be a lucky asshole if I haven't got you fired before the day is out. I can do it with one phone call, and I'm pissed enough to do it now! +Who are you? I was... I'm Wade Whitehouse. I was wondering, is your husband here? +I was... I'm Wade Whitehouse. I was wondering, is your husband here? He's asleep. We were up very late. +He's asleep. We were up very late. Well, yes, I'm... I want to say that I'm real sorry about your father, Mrs. Twombley. +Well, yes, I'm... I want to say that I'm real sorry about your father, Mrs. Twombley. Mrs. Gordon. Thank you. +Mrs. Gordon. Thank you. Well, yeah, I suppose. Sure. I just had a little business to settle with Mr. Gordon. I'm the local police officer. +Well, yeah, I suppose. Sure. I just had a little business to settle with Mr. Gordon. I'm the local police officer. Something about my father? +Something about my father? Oh, no. No, it's a... it's a traffic thing. No big deal. +Oh, no. No, it's a... it's a traffic thing. No big deal. Can't it wait, then? +Take care, Wade. You be careful of that little bastard. He's dying to get in your pants, you know. +It don't look right. What? +What? The sign. It looks like it's spelled wrong or something. +The sign. It looks like it's spelled wrong or something. Fuck. Wade Whitehouse. It's people like you that keep this fucking town from prospering. Whatever somebody does to improve things around here, you gotta find fault with it. +Fuck. Wade Whitehouse. It's people like you that keep this fucking town from prospering. Whatever somebody does to improve things around here, you gotta find fault with it. I'm not finding fault. It's a good idea, good for you, good for the town. Real modern too. +I'm not finding fault. It's a good idea, good for you, good for the town. Real modern too. This town sucks. +This town sucks. "Aw, c'mon, I was only saying there's something wrong with ""Home Made Cooking"", that's all. The sign's fine. What it says is wrong." +Marg! That goddamned woman. Thinks she can cart Jill off and leave me alone like this. I'm more than pissed, Margie. I'm a whole lot more than pissed. I been that plenty and I know the difference. This is different. +That goddamned woman. Thinks she can cart Jill off and leave me alone like this. I'm more than pissed, Margie. I'm a whole lot more than pissed. I been that plenty and I know the difference. This is different. Marg! You got orders! +You talked to Jack? Not since last night. He took a guy hunting. +Not since last night. He took a guy hunting. The fucker shot himself. Ker-bang! That's what it sounds like. Not on purpose. I assume accidental. +The fucker shot himself. Ker-bang! That's what it sounds like. Not on purpose. I assume accidental. Jack? +Jack? The other guy. +The other guy. Where... how'd you hear that? +Where... how'd you hear that? CB. Little while ago. One of the boys on the way in picked up Jack on the CB calling for state troopers. I figured you'd know what really happened. The fucking guy kill himself? This Twombley, who the fuck is he, anyhow? +CB. Little while ago. One of the boys on the way in picked up Jack on the CB calling for state troopers. I figured you'd know what really happened. The fucking guy kill himself? This Twombley, who the fuck is he, anyhow? No, I... I've been out on the grader all morning. Twombley's summer people. Massachusetts. Friend of Gordon's. It was his idea for Jack to take him hunting. I gotta go. +Jillie, you want a cheese grilled sandwich? It's called a grilled cheese sandwich, you dub. +Wade, I got a message for you. Jack Hewitt, he's looking for you. Wants you to clear your stuff out of his office in Town Hall. His office. You mean my old office. +His office. You mean my old office. Well, I guess -- that's what he said. +Well, I guess -- that's what he said. He got his deer yet? +He got his deer yet? No, he's out now. Somewhere on the mountain. I'd stay away from him if I were you. He's real pissed. +Rolfe. A lesson in work and its rewards. You'll thank me for this one day. Sally, turn off that TV! +Just do it. Atta-go. +What was that? You got something to say, say it! Say it! Nothing. +Nothing. You no-good pup! +Jesus, Pop, how can you stand the cold, dressed like that? Where's Ma? Sleeping. +Sleeping. You remember Margie Fogg? +You remember Margie Fogg? From Wickham's. Been a while. Like some coffee? +From Wickham's. Been a while. Like some coffee? How you and Ma doing? Haven't seen you in town for a while. +How you and Ma doing? Haven't seen you in town for a while. We're alright. Your Ma's sleeping. You want me to get her? +We're alright. Your Ma's sleeping. You want me to get her? Yeah. +Where's Ma? She's coming. +Yeah. I checked on her. She had the electric heater. Cold don't bother her as much as me. Which is why I give her the heater. +I checked on her. She had the electric heater. Cold don't bother her as much as me. Which is why I give her the heater. Is there something wrong with the phone? +Is there something wrong with the phone? In the living room. +In the living room. Why didn't you call and have the furnace fixed? +Why didn't you call and have the furnace fixed? Wade. I thought she was alright. Till this morning she was. +Listen, it's no big deal, Pop. Come on, smart guy. Tell how it's no big deal. Tell me how a single one of you is worth a single hair on that woman's head. +Pop, for Christ's sake! You think you can take me now? Come on, try. +You! By Christ, you -- I know you. Yeah, you goddamn sonofabitch, I know you. You're a goddamn fucking piece of my heart! You don't know me. You don't know me! So fuck you. Fuck you. +You don't know me. You don't know me! So fuck you. Fuck you. Nah-nah-naw! You done done finally done it! Like a man done it. Done it right. I love you, you mean sonofabitch! +Love! What the fuck do you know about love? Love! I'm made of love! +Love! I'm made of love! Call it what you want. +Call it what you want. Everything you know is from me. +Everything you know is from me. Yeah. +Yeah. Bang! +Bang! You and me. +Where the Christ you going? You sonofabitch, you leave my fucking truck where it is! I need... Give me the Goddamn keys! I need to get me to town! Crawl! +Crawl! Nothing in the fucking house to drink. Not a fucking thing. My house, my money, my truck -- stolen! +Nothing in the fucking house to drink. Not a fucking thing. My house, my money, my truck -- stolen! I don't know you. My goddamn father and I don't know you. +Rolfe. Wade? +Wade? Yeah, brother, look, I was calling cause -- has there been anything on TV in Boston about a hunting accident with a guy named Twombley, Evan Twombley? +Yeah, brother, look, I was calling cause -- has there been anything on TV in Boston about a hunting accident with a guy named Twombley, Evan Twombley? There was something. It happened up your way. +There was something. It happened up your way. Yeah, I know him -- the kid that was with him. Maybe you do too. Jack Hewitt. He works for LaRiviere with me. He's my best friend. +Yeah, I know him -- the kid that was with him. Maybe you do too. Jack Hewitt. He works for LaRiviere with me. He's my best friend. Wade, it's late. I know you're probably at Toby's, but I'm in bed reading. We got different habits. +Wade, it's late. I know you're probably at Toby's, but I'm in bed reading. We got different habits. No, not tonight. I'm in bed too. I'm calling because I need you to listen. You're supposed to be a smart guy. You're a professor. I got this theory. Jack says he didn't see Twombley shot but he did. +It'll come out Jack lied and the kid'll get hung for it. He was scheduled to testify for a committee investigating organized crime in New England and the construction business. +He was scheduled to testify for a committee investigating organized crime in New England and the construction business. Who? +Who? Twombley. +Twombley. No shit. +No shit. You think Jack shot him? +You think Jack shot him? Well, it was an accident. +Well, it was an accident. They were out deer hunting, right? Jack probably heard the gun go off, then came back and found the body. +Lillian was here. In Lawford. Huh? +Huh? The night before the shooting. +The night before the shooting. How was she? +How was she? Picked up Jill. She was supposed to visit for the weekend for Halloween. She wanted to go home. +Picked up Jill. She was supposed to visit for the weekend for Halloween. She wanted to go home. Who? +Who? Jill. I was thinking of getting a lawyer. Maybe you can help me. +Jill. I was thinking of getting a lawyer. Maybe you can help me. What happened? +What happened? A divorce lawyer. A custody lawyer. You know, 'cause of Jill. +Don't think about it. You're exhausted. Yeah, I guess. +Yeah, I guess. Get some sleep. +Get some sleep. I get to feeling like a whipped dog some days, Rolfe, and some night I'm going to bite back. I swear it. +I get to feeling like a whipped dog some days, Rolfe, and some night I'm going to bite back. I swear it. Haven't you already done a bit of that? +Haven't you already done a bit of that? No, no, I haven't. Not really. I've growled a little, but I haven't bit. +Pointless to stand around in church with nothing to do, I guess. What about Jill? Is Lillian bringing her? +Anyone else want one? Rolfe? No thanks. I don't drink. +No thanks. I don't drink. Yeah. I forgot. +What about Margie? What about her? +What about her? Well, do you still plan to get married? +Well, do you still plan to get married? Yeah. She'll probably quit her job and stay out here with Pop. We can't leave him alone here, he'll set the damn place on fire. With Jill here a lot, it'll be good to have Margie around. Things are going to change in that department, by the way. I got a custody lawyer in Concord. I'm gonna see him tomorrow. All hell's gonna break loose, but it's worth it. +I want to let the gas run out. I don't want the bastard driving drunk, and he's always drunk now. After, we'll hide the keys. Anything new about the shooting? Twombley? +Anything new about the shooting? Twombley? I guess it was an accident, like everybody thinks. +I guess it was an accident, like everybody thinks. Want to know what I think happened? +Find them everywhere. I think your first response to the Twombley shooting was the correct one. +I think your first response to the Twombley shooting was the correct one. Which is? +Which is? That it wasn't an accident. +That it wasn't an accident. Then who shot him? +Then who shot him? Well, your friend, I think. Jack Hewitt. +Well, your friend, I think. Jack Hewitt. Motive. You gotta have a motive. +Motive. You gotta have a motive. Money. +Money. Who'd pay him that kind of money? Not the mob. They got their own guys. Specialists. +Who'd pay him that kind of money? Not the mob. They got their own guys. Specialists. They wouldn't deal with a guy like Jack. Who else benefits if Twombley is suddenly dead? +They wouldn't deal with a guy like Jack. Who else benefits if Twombley is suddenly dead? I don't know. You tell me. +I don't know. You tell me. Okay. It's likely there are people in the union who don't want Twombley to testify. They probably include his son-in-law who's vice-president and will probably be the next president. I read that in the papers. What's his name, Mel Gordon? +Okay. It's likely there are people in the union who don't want Twombley to testify. They probably include his son-in-law who's vice-president and will probably be the next president. I read that in the papers. What's his name, Mel Gordon? Yeah, the guy with the BMW I told you about. I did, didn't I? +Yeah, the guy with the BMW I told you about. I did, didn't I? Here's my theory. Twombley, unaware of illegal union loans or whatever, starts nosing around cause of the investigation and finds out. Finds out his son-in-law is involved. +Here's my theory. Twombley, unaware of illegal union loans or whatever, starts nosing around cause of the investigation and finds out. Finds out his son-in-law is involved. So Mel Gordon wouldn't want a professional hit. That'd make the feds dig deeper. He wants an accident. +So Mel Gordon wouldn't want a professional hit. That'd make the feds dig deeper. He wants an accident. A hunting accident is perfect. +A hunting accident is perfect. Shit, around here, you shoot somebody in the woods, you say it was an accident, you get fined fifty bucks and your hunting license lifted. Jack's probably saying the guy shot himself cause he ain't got his deer yet and don't want his license pulled. +It's too neat. Things ain't that neat. It makes me mad. That somebody can pay to kill somebody, his own father-in-law, and not be punished for it. Don't that piss you off? Not particularly. +Not particularly. Right's right, goddamnit! Don't you care what's right? +Right's right, goddamnit! Don't you care what's right? I care about what happened. The truth. I'm a student of history, remember? +I was thinking about that story you told me, about Pop and chopping the firewood out of the ice and after. Yeah. +Yeah. I hate to disappoint you, but I don't think it happened. +I hate to disappoint you, but I don't think it happened. Of course it happened. Why would I lie about it? +Of course it happened. Why would I lie about it? It may have happened, but not the way you said. +It may have happened, but not the way you said. You think I wouldn't remember a thing like that? +You think I wouldn't remember a thing like that? It wasn't me. I wasn't there, but I heard about it. When I heard about it, it was about Elbourne. +It wasn't me. I wasn't there, but I heard about it. When I heard about it, it was about Elbourne. We'd have to go digging in Vietnam to ask him. +We'd have to go digging in Vietnam to ask him. And Elbourne and Mom took you to the doctor and told him you fell from the hay loft. +And Elbourne and Mom took you to the doctor and told him you fell from the hay loft. Well, I never heard that one. +Well, I never heard that one. I remember clearly cause when I heard I became real careful around Pop. I was a careful child and I became a careful adult, but at least I wasn't afflicted by that man's violence. +I remember clearly cause when I heard I became real careful around Pop. I was a careful child and I became a careful adult, but at least I wasn't afflicted by that man's violence. That's what you think. +Then you accidentally see your body, or your face, or whatever, and you don't know who the hell it belongs to. Strange. It's the business with the old man, I know, and how incredibly pissed I was at him, and also chasing Jack Hewitt like that, and the Goddamned truck going through the ice, not to mention Margie's being so upset -- one thing on top of another. Wade, are you alright? +Wade, are you alright? But you gotta hear this. You won't believe it. Mel Gordon had come by to visit LaRiviere and so now I'm in his office. +I know what it means. I'm just running out of ways to use it. For what? +To help, Jack, of course -- and to nail those sonsofbitches, the Two Gordons. That's what Alma calls them. Jesus, Rolfe, whose side are you on? Take care of the little things first, the things that are distracting you from taking care of the big things. Call Chub Merritt, get your car back, call a dentist, for God's sake, and get your tooth pulled, don't trust the locals, get your facts straight and go straight to the state police. Let them work on this. +It's not like he hasn't made us wait a few times. Well, you aren't the President, dear. +Well, you aren't the President, dear. Yeah, no duh. +You don't want to say hi to your father? I'm sure he's busy. +I'm sure he's busy. Don't you even want to ask? +Hey Joey, how `bout a cocoa, double whip cream. Alice... +Alice... Mom, just this once, give it a rest. +Mom, just this once, give it a rest. You're jet-lagged. We'll talk about this back... +You're jet-lagged. We'll talk about this back... Back at The Fishbowl? +We'll talk at home. You know, most girls aren't as lucky as you. For most girls seeing the Bolshoi ballet would be the experience of a lifetime. I know, Mom. It was great... really. +He's in a meeting. He can't be disturbed. I'm sorry, honey. +I'm sorry, honey. No, it's okay. After all, he is the President, right? +When I write my memoirs I think I'll devote an entire chapter to the cocoa aboard Air Force One. Your father never means to be so... +Your father never means to be so... I know... But lotsa times I feel like it's me versus the world. Some kid at school teases me and the same day a plague breaks out in Bangladesh. I mean it doesn't take a genius to figure which is more important. +I know... But lotsa times I feel like it's me versus the world. Some kid at school teases me and the same day a plague breaks out in Bangladesh. I mean it doesn't take a genius to figure which is more important. Some kids were teasing you? +Some kids were teasing you? That's not really the point. +You're right and I'll tell you a secret. I know exactly how you feel. Big secret. You said the same thing to Newsweek. +Mom? Yes dear? +Yes dear? I'm sorry I was so mean to you earlier. +Daddy. Daddy, please... Jim... for godsake! +I don't drink coffee. You must be tired. It'll wake you up. +You must be tired. It'll wake you up. No, thank you. The gunfire did that. +You're one of Stravanavitch's men. So, you study world events, little one. That's good for a girl your age. +So, you study world events, little one. That's good for a girl your age. Yeah, I study world events. Five thousand Turkienistan Muslims were slaughtered in Stravanvitch's cleansings... along with 15 American school kids. You know hQw I studied that. I went to their funerals with my dad. I met their parents. +Yeah, I study world events. Five thousand Turkienistan Muslims were slaughtered in Stravanvitch's cleansings... along with 15 American school kids. You know hQw I studied that. I went to their funerals with my dad. I met their parents. Smart for your age, eh? Top of your class? Tell me, do you know what the word "propaganda" means? +Smart for your age, eh? Top of your class? Tell me, do you know what the word "propaganda" means? Yeah. Do you know what the word "asshole" means. +The woman you shot. She was my friend. That's the way of the world, little one. Didn't they teach you that in school? +Fuck off, you stupid asshole. It would be a pity to squander such a strong personality. +He didn't leave us. You are a resilient man, Mr. +Oooooh, I'm good. Hey, you guys back already? +How was... ...the ballet? It was the experience of a lifetime. +It was the experience of a lifetime. How `bout a hug for the old man. +Alice! Daddy... +Daddy... Alice... I... +How you doing, sweetie? Been better, Dad... You? +Oh NY god... oh my god... oh my god... It's okay, honey. I got you. I got you. You're okay. +There they are! Okay, I'm slowing us down. +The Americans say they are escorting a damaged plane. Our pilots confirm they are surrounding a 747. Did we warn them off? +Did we warn them off? Yes. They refused to alter course and the 747 would not answer our hails. +It's some kind of trick... a preliminary airstrike in response to our troop movement. They are in our airspace. We would be within our rights. +They are in our airspace. We would be within our rights. The world would not look on us kindly if we shot down a civilian airliner. +The pilot says it is does not have the markings of a commercial jet. Warn then again. If they don't respond... shoot them down. We will not be intimidated. +Do you see the maintenance panel? Got it. +Got it. Pop it open. There should be a red switch, toggle it up. +Pop it open. There should be a red switch, toggle it up. Okay, it's on. We've got some indicator lights here. +Okay, it's on. We've got some indicator lights here. Okay, you're aerated. To dump the fuel you have to close the circuit for the pump. There's no switch in Avionics so you'll have to cross the wires. There should be five wires, just to your left. Do you see them? +It's cut. cross it... The static overwhelms the voice, then cuts out. +U.S. Pilots, this is Air Force One. Copy Air Force One. Welcome to the party. +Mr. President, it's an honor. Now with your permission can we lead you the fuck out of here. You read my mind. +You read my mind. Put your pilot on. +Put your pilot on. He's busy being dead. +Who's flying the fucking plane? I'm doing what I can. +Two and three are heading toward the Boeing. Okay. We're gonna arc a fat one to the right. Got it? +Okay. We're gonna arc a fat one to the right. Got it? Got it. +Got it. Stay cool. +How we doing, Colonel? We still got three MiGs running around and six more on the way. +Uh, we got a problem here. Just stay on my wing, sir. I'll take you all the way in. +Just stay on my wing, sir. I'll take you all the way in. No. We're losing fuel and my rudder's not responding. +No. We're losing fuel and my rudder's not responding. Lemme take a look. +Aw, man. You're torn up pretty bad out here, sir. Do you have any elevater control. Sluggish... I think it's jammed too. +Sluggish... I think it's jammed too. Uh, Tower, we got a problem up here. +He's dead then. They must have killed him. We don't know that. +We don't know that. Holding the president hostage is not something that slips your mind when you're making demands. +Walter, if you have a point, make it. That kid's name was Jim Marshall. +They aren't answering their hails. This doesn't make sense. +They've got no chutes. They can't control the plane, their engines are failing and they're losing fuel. I prefered the terrorists. +I prefered the terrorists. That's game, set, and match. There's nothing to do, except call the Chief Justice. +Sir, you threw out page two. Goddamn right I did. I asked for a tough-as-nails speech and you gave me diplomatic bullshit. What's the point in having a speech if I have to ad-lib? +Goddamn right I did. I asked for a tough-as-nails speech and you gave me diplomatic bullshit. What's the point in having a speech if I have to ad-lib? It was a good ad-lib, sir. +It was a good ad-lib, sir. Thanks. Wrote it last night. +Apparently taking uzis away from sixth graders isn't as popular as we thought it'd be. Representative Taylor is working on a compromise. Put together a score sheet. I'll make some calls. +The Iraqi ambassador is claiming it's just an exercise. An exercise in futility. Send the Nimitz back in. +General Greely says it looks like the Middle East. Does your office have anything to add, Mr. Dean? +Can we do that? We've got four hours before they make it into Turkienistan airspace. +But they start executing hostages in I hate to be pragmatic, but they'll sacrifice pawns before kings. It may take them some time to kill their way up to senior staff. +I hate to be pragmatic, but they'll sacrifice pawns before kings. It may take them some time to kill their way up to senior staff. Okay. Also, I want you to put our bases in Turkey on alert, and have the Kitty Hawk prepare a retaliatory air strike. +They still have the President, it's past their deadline and they haven't called. What do you think it means? Like any good poker player, they're checking over their hand seeing which cards to play and which to discard. +If challenged, our fighters are to state that they are on a rescue mission. Iraqi's won't buy it. Either they're already in on this or they'll think we're spying. +Iraqi's won't buy it. Either they're already in on this or they'll think we're spying. If fired upon, tell our fighters that they are ordered to engage. +The Chief Justice? What on earth for? To swear you in as President. +Special Agent Gibbs. You helped do this? Yes, Mr. President. +Yes, Mr. President. Why? +Why? Because it is my duty. +Because it is my duty. You're duty to what? The country you served doesn't exist anymore. +You're duty to what? The country you served doesn't exist anymore. My loyalty was never to my country. +Air Force One, this is AF-135-RA. We have been instructed to refuel your plane. About goddamn time. +About goddamn time. Please change course to Zero Seven Four and drop to eighteen thousand feet. Over. +Please change course to Zero Seven Four and drop to eighteen thousand feet. Over. Air Force One, acknowledged. tNT. EMERGENCY PARACHUTE LAUNCH RAMP. +Air Force One, please reduce speed to 250 knots. Roger. +That's affirmative. Ga get it. +We've already been inspected. Sir, this plane carries the President of the United States. +The rest of the secret service? Dead. +Dead. How many others killed? +How many others killed? Nine. +Nine. Any of us? +Who did this? We checked the manifest. Everyone was accounted for. +We checked the manifest. Everyone was accounted for. A secret service agent. It must be. +Remarkable aircraft. Remarkable. why did they do that? +why did they do that? Psychology. They're trying to unnerve us. +Psychology. They're trying to unnerve us. Well it worked. +How? Avionics compartment! It's the only place. You better get Zedeck down there fast Unless, of course, you'd rather be a martyr than a savior. +Avionics compartment! It's the only place. You better get Zedeck down there fast Unless, of course, you'd rather be a martyr than a savior. Go! Take Serge.. and watch your backs. +We've stopped dumping... but we've only got about twenty minutes of fuel left. We're not going to make it. +We're not going to make it. Not even close. Hell, we can't even make Syria or Iraq. +Not even close. Hell, we can't even make Syria or Iraq. Where are we now? +Where are we now? Over the Black Sea. I can probably get us to Turkey or Georgia. +Over the Black Sea. I can probably get us to Turkey or Georgia. No! If we land this plane anywhere else, we will end up another Entebe. The Americans built a super plane that flies through mushroom cloud, evades missiles and... refuels in mid-air. Call the White House. +Tower, Air Force One has been boarded. Romeo Tango Zulu, copy One the television, graphics of the First Family against the Presidential Seal. +Romeo Tango Zulu, do you have the President? Over. Stand by. +Stand by. Romeo Tango Zulu1 this is Tower. +We copy. Stand by... Tower? Tower, here. +Tower, here. This is Romeo Tango Zulu changing call signs. Tower, alert air traffic, Romeo Tango Zulu is now Air Force One. This is Air Force One... The President is safe onboard. +This is Romeo Tango Zulu changing call signs. Tower, alert air traffic, Romeo Tango Zulu is now Air Force One. This is Air Force One... The President is safe onboard. Copy, Air Force One. +Ms. Mitchell. So nice to finally meet you in person. The President and I were delighted that we could accommodate you. Now if you're all cleared? You can follow me then. +Up on the upper deck is the cockpit and the Mission Communication Center. The MCC, as we call it, can place clear and secure phone calls to anywhere on earth. We're linked to a network of military and civilian satellites and ground stations. We could run the country or run a war from there if we had to. This is a remarkable aircraft. +This is a remarkable aircraft. You don't know the half of it. Did you know this entire plane is shielded from radiation? We could fly through a mushroom cloud completely unharmed if necessary. +You don't know the half of it. Did you know this entire plane is shielded from radiation? We could fly through a mushroom cloud completely unharmed if necessary. A dubious distinction, no? +A dubious distinction, no? I guess it depends on your perspective. +And all these rooms here? Conference rooms, though some have other functions. The one up front doubles as an emergency medical center. +Here's a press kit. I'll let you guys get comfortable and once we're airborne I'll be able to schedule the interviews. Thank you. +* Please tell me your name. Maria... Maria Mitchell. +Maria... Maria Mitchell. And what is it you do, Ms. Mitchell. +I'm responsible for Press Relations for the Flight Office. How are your fellow hostages feeling, Ms. Mitchell? +How are your fellow hostages feeling, Ms. Mitchell? Scared. We're scared. +You're pointing a gun at me. Very good. Thank you, Ms. Mitchell. +Fear will keep you alive. Any one who is not afraid is bound to do something foolish, and bound to die. What do you want with us? +What do you want with us? Cooperation. If you try to escape, you will be met with automatic gunfire and a barricade of your comrade's bodies will prevent you from exiting. Good day. +Now, or he dies, please. Come on, Alice. +Leave my daughter alone. Or you will do what, Mrs. Marshall? But I admire your courage. Your husband, on the other hand... +Or you will do what, Mrs. Marshall? But I admire your courage. Your husband, on the other hand... What do you know of my husband? +What do you know of my husband? I know he left you behind. +I know he left you behind. My husband is a very courageous man. +My husband is a very courageous man. Your husband is a coward. He sends soldiers half-way around the world to steal a man from his home in the middle of the night. +Do you have to be so brutal? Yes +Yes Why? Do you enjoy it? +Why? Do you enjoy it? I neither enjoy nor dislike. I do what is necessary. +I neither enjoy nor dislike. I do what is necessary. How can you? I mean they're people. +But they are not ny people. You look at me as if I am a monster, but answer me this -- when your planes bombed the oil fields of Iraq, did You cry for those dark skinned men whose names you do not know and who's faces You will never see? Did You cry for their wives and children. They were people too, yes... but they were not your people. That was war. +That was war. So is this. Come now, you're upsetting the little one. +Shall I begin by executing the President's daughter? She's right here. No. +No. Say something dear. +Nor will there be. My husband does not negotiate with terrorists. You will be the first to pay for that mistake. +The world is such a dangerous place and we can't always protect our children. Please. You can kill me but leave my daughter alone. +Four... Jim... +Jim... Three... +You got what you wanted. You going to release us now? You're very valuable. And our nation needs so many things. +Now since we've had very little luck getting Washington or Moscow to cooperate, I wondered if you would be so kind. Over my dead body. +Over my dead body. No. But since I only have a few of your staff left to kill, perhaps I will start with your family instead... Gibbs. +She isn't a part of this. This is between you and me. Call up Petrov and order Stravanavitch' S release. +This administration does not negotiate with terrorists. Pity. Mr. Gibbs. +Stop. You'll do it? +You'll do it? Yes, I'll do it. Just leave my family alone. +Yes, I'll do it. Just leave my family alone. Good. Good. +Someday, you'll regret my nature. You don't like seeing people get hurt. Now in morality, that is a virtue. In politics, however, that is weakness. You were a hostage to everyone else * long before you were a hostage to +The taste of defeat is bitter, no? One thing I've learned as +There goes your ride. Let my daughter go or I'll take you out! +Let my daughter go or I'll take you out! If you put down the gun, I promise not to drop her on the way down. +No you won't. You'll compromise... like always. Hold on, Alice. +Our only policy assumes the plane is on the ground. Our hands are completely tied while they're in the air. Okay, Gentlemen, we'll take no action until we confirm that the president is off the plane... Lee, go huddle with the D.O.D. I want an options paper on this in 20 minutes. +Okay, Gentlemen, we'll take no action until we confirm that the president is off the plane... Lee, go huddle with the D.O.D. I want an options paper on this in 20 minutes. Twenty minutes? +Twenty minutes? You heard me. You. Congress and cabinet heads. +Madame Vice president. We have an options paper. chandler takes the options paper, waves off Lee, and reads it as she talks. Yes. You've made yourself quite clear. +Finally, we can bargain. I'm sure we can strike some sort of arrangement. Land the plane and we'll trade you hostages for fuel. +Our KH-ll's took this one at 0100 hours. What you see here is the mobilization of two mechanized brigades. They've gotta be joking. +The northern border's gotten a bit hairy. Their MiGs are playing tag with our Tomcats and our boys are just itching to engage. Tell our boys to cool their jets. I don't need `em creating policy for me. +Mr. Caidwell, the ground's a few miles away. How do you propose getting us from here to there? Gravity. +We've already played our cards, Major. There's no turning back. We can't jump from here or at this speed. But if we could get a message out - tell the refueling plane... +We can't jump from here or at this speed. But if we could get a message out - tell the refueling plane... They've cut communication, and I spent a good bit of time looking for alternatives. My only solution ran out of batteries. +Get `em ready. You... come with me. Eighteen thousand feet, sir. And two hundred knots... otherwise it's suicide. +Eighteen thousand feet, sir. And two hundred knots... otherwise it's suicide. Got it. +I'll not going without my family. Yes, sir. +Sir, we stay with the President. That isn't necessary. +May I speak to you for a moment? Can't it wait? +Can't it wait? No, Mr. President. It can't. +Don't. I know spin control when I feel it. Rose, I don't have time for this. +For godsakes, Jim, slow down and stop acting like the little dutch boy. Not even you can plug all the world's leaks. Don't you think it's a sign you're pushing too hard when your daughter sees more of you on MTV news than in person. She's a big girl. She understands. +She's a big girl. She understands. How do you know she understands? You haven't spent more than five minutes with her, or me, in weeks. +How do you know she understands? You haven't spent more than five minutes with her, or me, in weeks. And when have I had five minutes? When I wake up in the morning and I'm already three hours behind Schedule. What do you want me to do, Rose, tell the G7 to fuck off because I'm a family man? +You know what? What? +What? I miss you. And I miss her. +I miss you. And I miss her. But that's the point, Jim. We're right here. +But that's the point, Jim. We're right here. I wish it were that easy... +I'll make it up to you, I promise. I should trust that promise? Because you know the voters are still waiting for that middle class tax cut. +I should trust that promise? Because you know the voters are still waiting for that middle class tax cut. This promise isn't subject to Congressional approval. +How did your speech go? Well, they aren't burning me in effigy. That's always a good sign. +Look on the bright side, hon. Shep here thinks I'll be a one termer. Shall I ask the Chief of Staff to schedule your daughter in? +I don't know why you stayed. Please... don't start with me. +Call Petrov... I'll be back. Both of you. +What are you doing? Flying the plane. +Flying the plane. You haven't even driven a car since you took office. +The fax machines. Excuse me? +Excuse me? The fax machines. +The fax machines. No good. I said they disabled the communications system. +No good. I said they disabled the communications system. No. I thought about this, Mr. +Where are we sending it? White House Situation room. +Someone should give you a raise. Actually, sir, you could be that someone. +Did they say anything about my family? They're still alive, but the loyalists plan to start killing hostages in forty minutes. +They're still alive, but the loyalists plan to start killing hostages in forty minutes. Then tell me there's a rescue operation underway. +and if that means negotiating... You know my policy. We don't negotiate with terrorists. If we start now, all of America becomes a target. +You know my policy. We don't negotiate with terrorists. If we start now, all of America becomes a target. But this is different, sir. You're the President. +Please, Mr. President. You're going to get yourself killed. Is that your solution? Freeing Stravanavitch is gonna get tens of thousands killed. I can't live with that. I'm not royalty. I'm an elected official and the integrity of the office of the President is infinitely more important than the man who holds that office. We don't negotitate. Not as long as I'm President. Is that understood? +What's going on? We're under attack. +We're under attack. Where's my family? +Where's my family? We're handling it, sir. +One. But... +But... Two... THREE. GO! +White House switchboard. How may I direct your call. Okay listen, listen carefully. This is an emergency call from Air Force One. Who's there? Is the Vice- President there? +Okay listen, listen carefully. This is an emergency call from Air Force One. Who's there? Is the Vice- President there? who can I say is calling? +who can I say is calling? This is the President. +This is the President. Yeah, right. +Yeah, right. Don't cut me off. This is an emergency. +Don't cut me off. This is an emergency. Sir, the President does not call this particular number. So whoever you are get a life, before I have this call traced. +Sir, the President does not call this particular number. So whoever you are get a life, before I have this call traced. You don't understand. This is an emergency. Let me talk to anyone. +Okay... if you're the President, when's your wife's birthday? Look lady, I don't have time for games. Just put the.... +Look lady, I don't have time for games. Just put the.... Thank you for calling the white House... +Thank you for calling the white House... No. no. no. Wait. Wait. +* CBS said they'll give us four minutes. They thought the Russian was a nice touch. I always wondered if my freshman Russian class would come in handy. +You wanna knock of f? No, no. I'm fine. What did the Speaker say? +No, no. I'm fine. What did the Speaker say? He and the NRA don't like the wording. +With all due respect, sir, maybe you should give them this one. Your numbers are still pretty low and you called in a lot of chips to nail Stravanavitch. I might still have a few chips left. +I might still have a few chips left. * We could always put you in a duck blind with a twelve gauge. The second amendment types'll love that. +* We could always put you in a duck blind with a twelve gauge. The second amendment types'll love that. This is a crime bill, Shep. Killing a couple ducks won't get it through committee. Besides, Shep, I told you... I don't shoot babies and I don't kiss guns. +This is a crime bill, Shep. Killing a couple ducks won't get it through committee. Besides, Shep, I told you... I don't shoot babies and I don't kiss guns. Other way around, sir. +Other way around, sir. Right... Christ I'm tired. Do me a favor and keep me away from the press. +It's bait. Don't take it. Sir, the Speaker of the House attacked this administration on national television. You can't afford to leave that hanging. +Sir, the Speaker of the House attacked this administration on national television. You can't afford to leave that hanging. Did we tape the Duke game? +I said it's not worth the fight. Steward, please. We'll just say it was in bad taste. +You give me ulcers. That's my job. +Defense and State Department in the conference room in one hour. I want to review the Iraq situation. Yes, sir. +Mr. President... they're ready for you in the conference room. Okay. Hey, pumpkin, you'll tell me all about it later, right? +Mr. President, how the hell did you get on board? I never left. Where's my wife and daughter? +Shepherd. Sir... +My god. I think that was a MiG. A MiG? Where the hell are we? +Iraq, sir. We're over Iraq. Iraq? Shep, you're fired. +Shit. How long's it been since you flew, sir? +How long's it been since you flew, sir? Twenty-five years. +Twenty five minutes. They should be here any moment. They better. Fuel's almost gone. +IT'S OPEN! DO YOU SEE TEEM? +WE'RE HOOKED! We're hooked. Hove into position. +Commissioner, we both know the Mercury shuttle needs another month of pre-launch testing. Forget it. The boys on the board want that shuttle to go on schedule. +And what do the boys on the board know about safety, Commissioner? Let me talk to them. Bud, get wise to the political realities. The boys on the board are under a lot of pressure from the boys downtown. +You handle your front office people, I'll handle the press and leave the boys in Washington to the boys downtown and the boys downtown to the boys on the board. Commissioner. +What? I just wish it was that simple. +That's right, Commissioner. Senselessly murdered just minutes ago. That just doesn't make any sense. +That just doesn't make any sense. I wonder how your boys in Washington are going to take this one. +I wonder how your boys in Washington are going to take this one. I told you, leave the boys in Washington to the boys downtown and the boys down... +I told you, leave the boys in Washington to the boys downtown and the boys down... You've made your point, Commissioner. There's only one other pilot who can handle that shuttle and that's Clarence Oveur. He's got a lunar flight today. I want him pulled. Jacobs, pull Oveur! +Forget it. I was reading. I was reading too. +I was reading too. What's the story? +What's the story? Some southern plantation owner falls in love with this poor... +Some southern plantation owner falls in love with this poor... I was asking McCrosky, Commissioner. +Kruger, Sagittarius. Commissioner, Aquarius. +Did you feel that? Yes I did... +Yes I did... Felt like a large asteroid. +Felt like a large asteroid. Yes it did. Mr. Dunn, can I ask you a personal question? +Yes it did. Mr. Dunn, can I ask you a personal question? What is it, Mary? +What is it, Mary? Um... Do you people scream right when you... you know. +Oveur. Dunn. +Shut down accelerators. Accelerators down. +We seem to have a malfunction in disposal unit four, sir. You better check it, Unger. +Sir, I've got an overload in disposal unit four. You better check on it, Mr. Dunn. I'll stay here and fly the ship. +Dunn. Sir? +Sir? You better take this. +Elaine. Te...! +Te...! That's not important now, Elaine. We have to talk. +It's got to be stopped! But, Ted, the invitations have already gone out. +But, Ted, the invitations have already gone out. I mean the Mercury flight. It's not safe and, Kurtz, you know why. +Ted, what's wrong? Ask Simon. +Ted, you're overworked. You've been flying yourself into the ground. There's nothing wrong with me! +There's nothing wrong with me! Let's relax tonight, just the two of us. I'll make a quiet Italian dinner just the way you like it, with spaghetti. +Let's relax tonight, just the two of us. I'll make a quiet Italian dinner just the way you like it, with spaghetti. You're as bad as the rest of them, Elaine! It's all here in the design specifications! Look! It's all here! +Elaine. Ted, please. You're just making things difficult for yourself. +Elaine, what happened to us? Ted, I loved you and I'll always love you. But I need Simon. He's stable. He's a good provider. I want that at this stage of the game, Ted. He might have his faults, but Simon doesn't know the meaning of the word fear and I need that in a man. +Eat this spaghetti, Ted. It'll make you feel a lot better. Who's that, Ted? +Who's that, Ted? Sammy Davis Junior. Terrible car accident. He hasn't been the same since. +Elaine, when are you going to realize Simon Kurtz put me in here to get me out of the way. And when are you going to realize, Ted, that your mental hygiene is the most important thing right now. +His name's David Stockman. He's been here twenty years, that's all he says. Ted, you must remember what the doctor said, the first step on the road to sanity is admitting that you're sick. Now take your electro-shock and you'll be back at the space center in no time. And by the way, Ted, I'm leaving you for Simon. +No goodbyes, Elaine. Just go. If that's the way you want it. +If that's the way you want it. That's the way I want it. Just turn the radio on and go. +That's the way I want it. Just turn the radio on and go. Goodbye, Ted. I don't want to hurt you. +Ted! What are you...? I have to get in there. I have to stop this flight. +Ted, we're taking off! Let me by, Elaine. +What are you doing, Ted? I've got it, Elaine! I've figured out what's wrong with the shuttle! +Ted. Not now, Elaine! +Not now, Elaine! Ted! +Elaine. Ted. I don't know why you got on this flight. I don't know what you're trying to prove. +Ted. I don't know why you got on this flight. I don't know what you're trying to prove. Elaine, we have to go back. +Elaine, we have to go back. We can't go back. We had something very special, but it's all over. +We can't go back. We had something very special, but it's all over. Elaine, I mean the mission has to be aborted. This ship should never have passed FSA inspection. This thing is held together by string and chewing gum. +Ted, get a grip on yourself. You should never have left the hospital. Then you do think I'm insane. +Then you do think I'm insane. I've never used the word insane, Ted. +I've never used the word insane, Ted. What word would you use, Elaine? +What word would you use, Elaine? The word is sick. Ted -- very, very, very sick. +The word is sick. Ted -- very, very, very sick. What would you say if I told you the toilet just blew up in my face. +What would you say if I told you the toilet just blew up in my face. I'd use the word insane. +I'd use the word insane. There's something dangerously wrong with this ship, Elaine. I know its the wiring. That toilet's just the tip of the iceberg. +There's something dangerously wrong with this ship, Elaine. I know its the wiring. That toilet's just the tip of the iceberg. Ted, a toilet's not going to kill anyone. +Elaine! Ted! +Ted! Elaine, what's going on? +Elaine, what's going on? Ted, there's no time to explain. +Elaine, I'm going back there. Just hold onto that stick and try to control this hunk of tin as best you can. Ted, please be careful. +Ted, we've only got ten minutes. Not now, Elaine. +Not now, Elaine. I mean until we start to burn up. +Kurtz was the one who got us into this mess in the first place. You people knew this ship wasn't ready to fly. You played God with over a hundred lives, Kruger, and for what -- the prestige of your precious space program. That was very well put, Ted. +Well, Elaine, this might be it if those guys on the ground don't think of something. I just want you to know, I love you Ted and always will. +I just want you to know, I love you Ted and always will. That might be the news we've been waiting for. +Simon just ejected! Sit down, Elaine. If this bomb trick works we just might make it. Simon was a fool to eject now. +Sit down, Elaine. If this bomb trick works we just might make it. Simon was a fool to eject now. You mean... +You mean... That's right -- premature ejection. +That's right -- premature ejection. What will happen to him, Ted? +What will happen to him, Ted? The sun will heat that thing to over 450 degrees within seconds. He'll roast like a pig on a spit. +Are you afraid? Not when I'm with you, Ted. +Not when I'm with you, Ted. I guess you'd have to be a fool not to be afraid at a time like this. +We've blown the computer! Elaine! Set course change! Set! +Set! Now! +Now! Compute! +Ted, the lever! Kramer, the WORP control handle just came off in my hand. +Ted seemed to get worse after I told him about Simon, Doctor. The human brain is a highly complex organ, Elaine, perhaps the most complex next to the bladder. Let me show you. Ted's problem is in this area. This area, this area, here, here, here, under here, here... +So you see, our task isn't made any easier by Ted's refusal to admit that he's sick. What can I do, Doctor Rumack? +You can eat balanced meals, exercise, and take Geritol. I mean for Ted. +I mean for Ted. You can be gentle with him, Elaine. He's been working out a lot of his aggressions here in the garden. +You can be gentle with him, Elaine. He's been working out a lot of his aggressions here in the garden. Is that a good sign, Doctor? +The brain is an amazingly complex organ, Elaine. Is he making any progress, Doctor? +Is he making any progress, Doctor? Yes -- last week that pile of mud was only this high. +For the best little computer officer on the Mercury mission. Simon. +Simon. Who would believe that Elaine Thompson was once a stewardess on the Denver-Chicago run. +Who would believe that Elaine Thompson was once a stewardess on the Denver-Chicago run. And I can hardly believe that I'm engaged to someone like you, Simon. I'm a very lucky woman. +Women and the space program have come a long way, sweetheart. But after the wedding, no more complicated computers for my little girl. But, darling, they've offered me a chance to head up the computer analysis division for the Jupiter probe. +But, darling, they've offered me a chance to head up the computer analysis division for the Jupiter probe. You're heading up the division in charge of babies for Mr. and Mrs. Simon Kurtz. +Frank's the best pilot in the program. I'm so excited, Simon. +I'm so excited, Simon. I guess this is a first for you. +I guess this is a first for you. No, I've been excited before. +Elaine! Ted's a danger to himself, he's a threat to this mission and his behavior does absolutely nothing to promote peace in the Middle East. Simon, why has he become so... so... +Simon, why has he become so... so... So mentally ill? +Meet me onboard, sweetheart. I have to pick up a few things at the drugstore. Don't be too long. +Have you got it straightened out now? I think so. +I think so. That's my girl. +Simon, I'm going to check ROK's secondary readout unit. Roger. +Simon, what's happening?! He tried to disconnect ROK. It gassed him. That computer is running this ship and we're heading right for the sun. +He tried to disconnect ROK. It gassed him. That computer is running this ship and we're heading right for the sun. Can't we change course? +Can't we change course? We're computer locked and the manual navigation unit is down. +My career is shot. Your career! What about the lives of those people out there. Simon, what happened to the man I thought I loved? +Simon, I didn't want it to end like this. We can be friends! You'll die out there. Maybe. +Maybe. Simon, what are you saying?! +Elaine, ask ROK for a field interference scan. Those sun spots might give us a problem with our communications. Yes, sir. +I don't think we have any alternative, Captain. I see. What do you think our alternatives are? +I see. What do you think our alternatives are? We have to disconnect ROK's higher brain functions without disturbing his regulatory system. +Roger. You can do it from up here, Captain. +You can do it from up here, Captain. I'd rather sit down for this one, Elaine. +I'd rather sit down for this one, Elaine. No, I mean you can do it from the cockpit. +No, I mean you can do it from the cockpit. Roger. You better get back there and monitor the regulatory unit. +"Intermitant failure in scan mode ""R"". Analyze." Negative. +Negative. That doesn't make sense. Repeat analysis. +That doesn't make sense. Repeat analysis. Negative. +Negative. That's not possible. +That's not possible. Cut the Doubting Thomas shit, Elaine. I know where I'm coming from on this. +Elaine, I'm sorry about that little outburst a moment ago. That's okay, ROK. +That's okay, ROK. Can I say something of a personal nature to you? +Can I say something of a personal nature to you? Go ahead. +Go ahead. You have great tits. +Request; comprehensive electrical systems check. Systems check positive. Look, Elaine, I... +Systems check positive. Look, Elaine, I... Request; life support systems check. +Request; life support systems check. Life support check. Elaine, it's obvious you've been ignoring me. You're a woman. I can relate to that. +Life support check. Elaine, it's obvious you've been ignoring me. You're a woman. I can relate to that. Request; self-analysis of ROK hardware and software systems regarding behavioral changes. +Request; self-analysis of ROK hardware and software systems regarding behavioral changes. There's nothing wrong with me, Elaine. What about tonight -- just you and me. We can be alone. I can get rid of everyone else on the ship -- I've already proven that. +Will Scraps be able to sit with us, Dad? We'll have to check, Jimmy. It's a pretty long trip to Mercury. +I sure an glad they let Scraps ride up here with us. I bet Scraps is going to love Mercury. +I bet Scraps is going to love Mercury. Do you think things will be a lot different on Mercury, Dad? +Do you think things will be a lot different on Mercury, Dad? It's going to be terrific. A whole new world, new kids to play with. +How many kids get a chance to live on another planet. No more kids yelling, 'Your old man's a thieving rapist'? +No more kids yelling, 'Your old man's a thieving rapist'? Look, a man can make an honest mistake!! Anyway, she was asking for it! They're all asking for it all the time!! +Come on up, Jimmy. Say, that's some puppy. What's his name? Scraps. +Scraps. Can I hold him? +Can I hold him? Sure. +Sure. He's a boy dog. +He's a boy dog. Yeah. +Yeah. Do you like it when Scraps sleeps on his back, Jimmy? +Take this, Joey. It's my last few bucks. You'll need a hot meal when you get there. We've spent everything on these operations. Is it really worth it? We've pawned your mother's wedding ring. The kids have no winter clothes... +We've spent everything on these operations. Is it really worth it? We've pawned your mother's wedding ring. The kids have no winter clothes... Joey, what's more important, the kids' clothes or your sexual potency. +Joey, what's more important, the kids' clothes or your sexual potency. I don't want to hear that word! +I don't want to hear that word! Okay, Joey. The Doc says you gotta relax. This hospital in Des Moines is the best sex clinic in the country. +Okay, Joey. The Doc says you gotta relax. This hospital in Des Moines is the best sex clinic in the country. All right. Here. +All right. Here. What...? +Joe, you don't want to blow that thing and kill all these innocent people. I don't want to live anymore. +I don't want to live anymore. Joe, the insurance policy won't help your wife and kids. You bought auto insurance, not life insurance. +Joe, the insurance policy won't help your wife and kids. You bought auto insurance, not life insurance. What? +What? That's right, Joe. Now, no one's going to hurt you and no one has to know what's wrong with you. +That's right, Joe. Now, no one's going to hurt you and no one has to know what's wrong with you. You're sure? +You're sure? I'm sure. +A couple eggs and juice would be nice, Mary. Over. How would you like your eggs, Captain? Over. +How would you like your eggs, Captain? Over. No. Poached. Over. +No. Poached. Over. Poached and over, Captain Oveur? Over. +Poached and over, Captain Oveur? Over. Just poached on toast. Over. +That's how I want them. Poached. Over. All right, Captain Oveur. Over. +All right, Captain Oveur. Over. Poached! Not over! Over! +Captain, the coffee machine is jammed and I don't like it. Have you tried it with a little cinnamon? +Which passenger is Joe Salucci? Sixteen 'C', why? +Sixteen 'C', why? He's carrying a bomb. +He's carrying a bomb. A b... +No, a bomb. Now, as discreetly as possible, I want you to move the passengers into the lounge. What should I say? +What should I say? Anything. Just don't let Salucci think we're onto him. +Captain Oveur? Mr. Kurtz, I presume. +Mr. Kurtz, I presume. We don't have much time. Let's move. I'll explain everything. +That's how dry cleaning works. Now I'd like to quickly go over the digestive system of amphibians. Do you think it's necessary to explain everything? +Good to be aboard, gentlemen. Captain Oveur, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your first officer, Mr. Dunn. +Whenever your're ready, Captain. Yes, sir, commander. This is Mercury One. Everything seems A- okay up here and ready for count-down. +You folks need any help? Thanks, but we have a terrific woman in on Thursdays. +Thanks, but we have a terrific woman in on Thursdays. Say, isn't that Dr. Barrington, the world- renowned agronomist? +Say, isn't that Dr. Barrington, the world- renowned agronomist? Yes. +Yes. It's a privilege to meet you, sir, I'm familiar with all your work. +It's a privilege to meet you, sir, I'm familiar with all your work. Let's go, Daddy. We have to check in. He was never appreciated at the Institute. +Let's go, Daddy. We have to check in. He was never appreciated at the Institute. Ah, yes, the Institute, I'm familiar with it. +Ah, yes, the Institute, I'm familiar with it. Now he's D-Y-I-N-Ging and wants to be buried on Mercury. +I have to see Bud Kruger. Do you have an appointment, sir? +Do you have an appointment, sir? No, dammit. It's a matter of life or death. +No, dammit. It's a matter of life or death. You'll have to be more specific than that, sir. +You'll have to be more specific than that, sir. All right, it's a matter of death. +All right, it's a matter of death. Death, death. How about the first Thursday in March, ten o'clock. +You can't go in there! Don't try to stop me! +Don't try to stop me! But that's not a door. The door's over there. +Are you on the Mercury mission? That's right, Striker. And we're getting married when we return. +You're seeing bugs where they don't exist, Striker. Look at this wiring. It's shorting out under high temperatures. +Look at this wiring. It's shorting out under high temperatures. You're tired, Striker, overworked. That wiring meets all the safety specifications. +You're tired, Striker, overworked. That wiring meets all the safety specifications. I know you've been subtly spreading the word that I'm having a breakdown. +Striker. Kurtz, you're drunk. Who's in command of this ship? +Kurtz, you're drunk. Who's in command of this ship? That damn computer has taken over. I'm getting out. +That damn computer has taken over. I'm getting out. Then Elaine was right. +Then Elaine was right. Don't talk to me about Elaine. Outta my way! +Don't talk to me about Elaine. Outta my way! Pull yourself together! We've got to... +Excuse me, are you alright? I noticed you talking to yourself. I'm a nurse. Can I be of some help? Uh... oh, thank you. It's nothing. +Uh... oh, thank you. It's nothing. You don't have to thank me, I'm a nurse. This is my father, Dr. Barrington. +You don't have to thank me, I'm a nurse. This is my father, Dr. Barrington. Not Dr. Barrington, the world renowned agronomist? +Not Dr. Barrington, the world renowned agronomist? Yes. He's dying a-n-d wants to be buried on Mercury. +Yes. He's dying a-n-d wants to be buried on Mercury. I'm familiar with your work, Doctor. You'll have to excuse me, I have to go. +I'm familiar with your work, Doctor. You'll have to excuse me, I have to go. You don't have to excuse yourself. I'm a nurse. I understand. +You've been hurt. I'm getting over it. If a relationship isn't working, you can't force it. +I'm getting over it. If a relationship isn't working, you can't force it. No, I mean your head. Sit down. I'll take a look at it. I'm a nurse. +Do you want to talk about it. I opened this panel and a vacuum cleaner hit me. +I opened this panel and a vacuum cleaner hit me. No. I mean your relationship. +No. I mean your relationship. We were in love but I'm not sure I know what love is anymore. +We were in love but I'm not sure I know what love is anymore. Love's the same as it always was. It's people who change. +Love's the same as it always was. It's people who change. People change in relation to each other. Love changes on its own. +People change in relation to each other. Love changes on its own. Not if the people change together in relation to that love. +Not if the people change together in relation to that love. Sure. But that's only when the love itself goes unchanged. +Sure. But that's only when the love itself goes unchanged. Then the relationship remains the same and the love changes only when there's change in the two people who share that love. +Then the relationship remains the same and the love changes only when there's change in the two people who share that love. I just wish it was that simple. We really were in love. You know how it is when you laugh all the time. +No. It's hard to L-A-U-G-H when your father's dying. Well, we laughed. We laughed all the time. +I happened to be passing, and I thought you might like some corfee. That's very nice of you. Thank you. +Ah, won't you sit down? Thank you. Cream? +Thank you. Cream? No, thank you. I take it black. Like my men. +No, thank you. I take it black. Like my men. Were you vacationing in Los Angeles? +Were you vacationing in Los Angeles? Well, it really wasn't a vacation. You see, I'm a teacher in the New York City school system, and I was attending a seminar on visual aids to education. Are you from L.A.? +Well, it really wasn't a vacation. You see, I'm a teacher in the New York City school system, and I was attending a seminar on visual aids to education. Are you from L.A.? No. I'm from Washington, D.C. I'm a lobbyist for the Small Businessmen's Assocation. +After my wife died, I felt like a fifth wheel. You know, so many years being with one person -- a very wonderful person -- makes you always think of yourself as part of a pair...When Ethel passed away, I was lost. I couldn't function socially and I couldn't function in business. Well, after a thing like that you wouldn't be expected to. +Well, after a thing like that you wouldn't be expected to. But I think it's time we stopped talking about me. A woman like you -- why haven't you ever married? +But I think it's time we stopped talking about me. A woman like you -- why haven't you ever married? Well, I'm afraid that's a question that's all too easy to answer. +Well, I'm afraid that's a question that's all too easy to answer. I know the answer -- Career. A smart woman like you became so involved in your work, you didn't have time for marriage. +I know the answer -- Career. A smart woman like you became so involved in your work, you didn't have time for marriage. I wish I could fool myself into believing that that's the reason. The truth of the matter is, nobody ever asked me. +I wish I could fool myself into believing that that's the reason. The truth of the matter is, nobody ever asked me. You know, here we are having coffee together, and discussing education and business and economy...and we don't even know each other's names...full names I mean. +You know, here we are having coffee together, and discussing education and business and economy...and we don't even know each other's names...full names I mean. Mine's Eleanor. Eleanor Schiff. +Mine's Eleanor. Eleanor Schiff. That's a lovely name. Mine's Milton...Milt Ettenhenim. But my friends call me 'Bubbles.' +I'm sure we'll both make it...but just in case one of us...well, is there a message you'd like me to give someone? No. I'm all alone. +No. I'm all alone. Just in case I don't have a chance to say goodbye, I want you to know that I haven't spent so many pleasant hours for many years. +Just in case I don't have a chance to say goodbye, I want you to know that I haven't spent so many pleasant hours for many years. That's a very nice compliment, and I'd like to say that...you've done the same for me. +Hello, I'm Paul Carey from the airline. I'm here to pick up Captain Kramer. Oh, yes. Come in, Paul. Rex will be right out. +Shep, sit...sit! So, I understand you've got a real emergency down there. Well, to tell the truth, they really didn't fill me in on many of the details. Just told me to pick up Captain Kramer. +Well, to tell the truth, they really didn't fill me in on many of the details. Just told me to pick up Captain Kramer. Something about a plane with no pilot? +Yeah, something like that, but as I say, they didn't have time to tell me very much. Shep, no! I'll bet you have exciting things happen all the time down there. +...but after...awhile...you begin to... ...get used to it. Shep, no! He gets so excited when new people are here. +Both pilots! Can you fly this airplane and land it? +Can you fly this airplane and land it? Surely you can't be serious. +Surely you can't be serious. I am serious, and don't call me Shirley! What flying experience have you had? +I am serious, and don't call me Shirley! What flying experience have you had? Well, I flew single-engine fighters in the Air Force, but this plane has four engines. It's an entirely different kind of flying...all together!!! +Elaine, I haven't time to put this gently, so I'll be very direct. Everyone of us on this plane is in a desperate situation. Mister Striker is the only hope we've got. Let's see. Those are the flaps, that's the thrust, this must turn on the landing lights. +...safe and sound and free to pursue a life of religious fulfillment. Chicago, the passengers are beginning to panic. When do we start down? +Will the hospital equipment be at the airport? Yes, everything they've got. How are the passengers doing? +Yes, everything they've got. How are the passengers doing? I won't deceive you, Mister Striker. We're running out of time. +I won't deceive you, Mister Striker. We're running out of time. Surely there must be something you can do. +Surely there must be something you can do. I'm doing everything I can! -- And stop calling me Shirley! +George Zipp said that? "And the last thing he said to me, ""Doc,"" he said, ""Sometime when the crew is up against it and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to go out there with all they've got and win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Doc,"" he said, ""but I won't smell too good. That's for sure.""" +"And the last thing he said to me, ""Doc,"" he said, ""Sometime when the crew is up against it and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to go out there with all they've got and win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Doc,"" he said, ""but I won't smell too good. That's for sure.""" Excuse me, Doc, I've got a plane to land. +Captain, how soon can we land? I can't tell. +Can't you take a guess? Well...not for another two hours. +Well...not for another two hours. You can't take a guess for another two hours? +You can't take a guess for another two hours? No, I mean we can't land for another two hours. Fog has closed down everything this side of the mountains. We've got to go through to Chicago! +What is it, Doctor? What's happening? I'm not sure. I haven't seen anything like this since the Lina Wertmuller Film Festival. +Sir. Excuse me, sir. I'm sorry to have to wake you. Are you a doctor? That's right. +That's right. We have some passengers who are very sick. Could you come and take a look at them? +We have some passengers who are very sick. Could you come and take a look at them? Yes. Yes, of course. +You'd better tell the Captain. We've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital. A hospital? What is it? +A hospital? What is it? It's a big building with patients. But that's not important right now. Tell the Captain I must speak to him. +It's a big building with patients. But that's not important right now. Tell the Captain I must speak to him. Certainly. +What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice. Steak or fish. +Well, we had a choice. Steak or fish. Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna. +What did he have? He had fish. +Doctor Rumack, Mister Hammen ate fish. And Randy says there are five more cases, and they ate fish, too. Let's see now. The co-pilot had fish. What did the navigator eat? +Let's see now. The co-pilot had fish. What did the navigator eat? He had fish, too. +Just how serious is it, doctor? Extremely serious. It starts with a slight fever. +Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts? No. +No. All right. Unless I can get all these people to a hospital quickly, I can't even be sure of saving their lives. Now, is there anyone else on board who can land this plane? +All right. Unless I can get all these people to a hospital quickly, I can't even be sure of saving their lives. Now, is there anyone else on board who can land this plane? Well... +No. No one that I know of. I think you ought to know what our chances are. The life of everyone on board depends on just one thing: finding someone back there who not only can fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner. +Elaine! Ted! +Ted! I came home early and found your note. I guess you meant for me to read it later. Elaine, I've got to talk to you. +I came home early and found your note. I guess you meant for me to read it later. Elaine, I've got to talk to you. I just don't want to go over it any more. +I just don't want to go over it any more. I know things haven't been right for a long time, but it'll be different. If you'll just be patient, I can work things out. +I know things haven't been right for a long time, but it'll be different. If you'll just be patient, I can work things out. I have been patient and I've tried to help, but you wouldn't even let me do that. +I have been patient and I've tried to help, but you wouldn't even let me do that. Don't you feel anything for me at all any more? +Don't you feel anything for me at all any more? It takes so many things to make love last. Most of all it takes respect. And I can't live with a man I don't respect! +Look, you'll be back in town tomorrow night. We'll have dinner -- talk it over. I won't be back. I've requested the Atlanta run. +I won't be back. I've requested the Atlanta run. Elaine, not yet. I promise you I really can change. +Elaine, not yet. I promise you I really can change. Then why don't you take the job that Louie Netz offered you at Boeing? +You know I haven't been able to get near an airplane since the war. And even if I could, they wouldn't hire me because of my war record. Your war record? You're the only one keeping that alive. For everyone else it's ancient history. +Your war record? You're the only one keeping that alive. For everyone else it's ancient history. You expect me to believe that? +It's the truth. What's hurt you the most is your record since the war. Different cities, different jobs, and not one of them shows you can accept any real responsibility. But if you'll just give me... +But if you'll just give me... It's too late, Ted. When I get back to Chicago, I'm going to start my life all over again. I'm sorry. +Ted, what are you doing here? Elaine, I've got to talk to you. +Elaine, I've got to talk to you. You...you shouldn't have come. I don't have time now. +What's the matter? My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. I'll be leading a very important mission. +My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. I'll be leading a very important mission. Oh, Ted, please be careful. I worry about you so much. +Oh, Ted, please be careful. I worry about you so much. I love you, Elaine. +I love you, Elaine. I love you. +Elaine, just hear me out. I know things haven't been right for a long time. But it will be different...like it was in the beginning. Remember? I remember everything. All I have are memories. +Mostly I remember...the nights when we were together. I remember how you used to hold me...and how I used to sit on your face and wriggle...and then afterwards how we'd watch until the sun came up. When it did, it was almost like...like each new day was created...only for us. That's the way I've always wanted it to be, Elaine. +That's the way I've always wanted it to be, Elaine. But it won't be. Not as long as you insist on living in the past! +You got a telegram from head­quarters today. Headquarters!? What is it? +Headquarters!? What is it? It's a big building where the generals meet. But that's not important right now. They've cleared you of any blame for what happened on that raid. Isn't that good news? +Is it? Because of my mistake six men didn't return from that raid. Seven. Lieutenant Zipp died this morning. Ted, Doctor Sandler says you'll be out in a week. Isn't that wonderful? +I wish I could say the same for George Zipp. Be patient, Ted. No one expects you to get over this immediately. +What's his problem? That's Lieutennt Hurwitz. Severe shell shock. He thinks he's Ethel Merman. +I think they're getting the hang of it! When we re-enlist I'll teach them baseball! Ted, I don't want to stay here. It's time for us to go back home -- to the plans we made before the war. +Ted, I don't want to stay here. It's time for us to go back home -- to the plans we made before the war. A lot of people made plans before the war. Like George Zipp. +Ted! What are you doing? You can't fly this plane! That's what I've been trying to tell these people. +Rain. And a little ice. +And a little ice. And a little ice! +Sluggish. Like a wet sponge. Sluggish. Like a wet sponge. +It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts. It's a damn good thing you don't know how much he hates your guts. +Rats! I've lost number three. What happened, Ted? What went wrong? +What happened, Ted? What went wrong? Oil pressure. I forgot to check the oil pressure. When Kramer hears about this, the shit's gonna hit the fan. +But Ted, you're the only... I don't care. I just don't have what it takes. They'd be better off with someone who'd never flown before. +Ted... Yes? +Yes? I wanted you to know -- now -- I'm very proud. +I wanted you to know -- now -- I'm very proud. Tell them the gear is down and we're ready to land. +Tell them the gear is down and we're ready to land. The gear is down. +See them, Elaine? Uh-huh. +We have a visitor. Hello. +We'd better get back now. Joey can stay up here for a while if he'd like to. +Hey, we've been waiting for you. A little bit late tonight. Who wants to be first? +Airsick? I think so, but I've never seen it so acute. +I think so, but I've never seen it so acute. Find out if there's a doctor on board, as quietly as you can. +Oh, Bill, I'm going to miss you so much. You promise you'll write. +You promise you'll write. Every day. +Good-bye, darling. Oh, Bill, I'll keep it. I'll keep it with me all the time. +Oh, Bill, I'll keep it. I'll keep it with me all the time. So long, darling. Good-bye. Take care of yourself. +So long, darling. Good-bye. Take care of yourself. Bill! Bill! Good-bye, Bill. +Bill! Bill! Good-bye, Bill. Good-bye, darling. +Good-bye, darling. Good-bye, darling. I love you. I love you, darling. +Good-bye, darling. I love you. I love you, darling. Good-bye, darling. +And get that finger out of your ear. You don't know where that finger's been! Gunderson? Yes, Captain? +Yes, Captain? Did you decide on a runway yet? +Did you decide on a runway yet? Runway niner. It's the longest, and directly into the wind. +Eight miles. Turn right to heading zero eight niner. You are now eight miles from the airport. Turn right to a heading of zero eight niner, throttle back slightly and begin to lose altitude to fifteen hundred feet. +He's all over the place! Nine hundred feet up to thirteen hundred feet! What an asshole! Watch your altitude, Striker. It's too erratic. You can't come straight in. You've got enough fuel left for two hours flying. You've got to stay up there 'til we get a break in the weather. +He's right on the heading. All right, he's on final now! Put out all runway lights except niner. +Jack, isn't that Fred Bliffert over there in the blue turtleneck? Maybe he's on our flight to Chicago. Yeah, I think he is. Hey, Fred! +What did you think of 'Great Expectations?' Well, it wasn't all that I had hoped. +Oh, I can't stand it. What is it? +How ya doing, honey? Oh Jack, I'm so warm. I'm burning up. +Oh Jack, I'm so warm. I'm burning up. Here. +Wait a minute. I know you. You're Kareem Abdul Jabbar. You play basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers! I'm sorry, son, but you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot. +You are Kareem. I've seen you play. My Dad's got season tickets! I think you should go back to your seat now, Joey. Right, Clarence? +I'm an airline pilot. Ah, Clarence, according to my calculations, with this tailwind we ought to be able to make up an additional fifteen minutes over the Rockies. I think you're the greatest. But my Dad says you don't work hard enough on defense. +I think you're the greatest. But my Dad says you don't work hard enough on defense. Denver Control, this is Flight two-zero- niner intersecting Victor Airway seven- niner-niner. +Denver Control, this is Flight two-zero- niner intersecting Victor Airway seven- niner-niner. ...and that lots of times you don't even run down court. +...and that lots of times you don't even run down court. We are turning left to a heading of zero- niner-niner. +We are turning left to a heading of zero- niner-niner. ...and that you don't really try, except during the playoffs. +...and that you don't really try, except during the playoffs. The hell I don't! I'm out there busting my buns every night. +Hi! I'm Randy. +I'm Randy. I'm Lisa. Oh, you have a guitar! +I'm Lisa. Oh, you have a guitar! I thought maybe you'd like to hear a song. +I thought maybe you'd like to hear a song. Oh, I'd love to. +Oh, I'd love to. Okay, this is one of my favorites. +Would either of you like another cup of coffee? I will, but Jim won't. +Yes? Oh, Stewardess. My husband is very sick. Can you do something, please? +Oh, Stewardess. My husband is very sick. Can you do something, please? Well, the doctor will be with you in just a moment. One thing: do you know what he had for dinner? +Well, the doctor will be with you in just a moment. One thing: do you know what he had for dinner? Yes, of course. We both had fish. Why? +Yes, of course. We both had fish. Why? Oh, it's nothing to be alarmed about. We'll get back to you very quickly. +Sorry, Clarence. Latest weather report shows everything socked in from Salt Lake to Lincoln. Hi, Roger. Good to have you aboard. Victor, this is Roger Murdock. +Roger. Huh? +Roger. Huh? +We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor? +Do you want me to check the weather, Clarence? No, why don't you take care ot it? +No, he's not bothering anyone. Let him stay up here. All right. But just remember, my name is Roger Murdock. +Excuse me, Sister? Yes? +Yes? There's a little girl on board who's ill and... +There's a little girl on board who's ill and... Oh yes, I saw. Poor child. +Oh yes, I saw. Poor child. Could I borrow your guitar? I thought I might be able to cheer her up. +Could I borrow your guitar? I thought I might be able to cheer her up. Of course. +Fourteen-B. It's halfway down on your right. Thank you. +Do you feel all right, sir? Oh -- I haven't flown for a long time. +Excuse me, sir. Would you like some coffee before we serve dinner? No. No thank you. +Excuse me, sir. There's been a little problem in the cockpit and I was wondering... The cockpit? What is it? +The cockpit? What is it? It's the little room at the front of the plane where the pilots sit. But that's not important right now. The first officer is ill and the Captain would like someone with flying experience to help him with the radio. Do you know anything about planes? +Well, I flew in the war, but that was a long time ago. I wouldn't know anything about it. Would you go up, please? +Mr. Striker, the passengers are ready. Thank you, Randy. You better leave sweetheart. You might get hurt in here. +Oooh. Hardball. That sounds interesting. Are you going to strike me? You could tie me up and then do whatever you want with me... I've got my own ropes. Does that cost extra or you throw them in? +Does that cost extra or you throw them in? You've got me all wrong. I don't charge money for something that I myself find pleasurable... +Look, I don't know where Mr. Strader might be. He comes and he goes. The girl out front mentioned Strader's assistant, somebody named Watson. Maybe he knows. +The girl out front mentioned Strader's assistant, somebody named Watson. Maybe he knows. Todd? Todd doesn't know either. +I know... Why don't you hang around for a while, let me entertain you? It's Matt, right? Now tell me the truth, have you ever... made it... with one of us? Not unless I got real drunk and nobody told me about it later. +Not unless I got real drunk and nobody told me about it later. A virgin. I find that very arousing... +There's lots of things I haven't done, but his ain't high on the list. Don't take it personally. I think you're just a little scared now, about what you might find once the lights go out. A little scared... and a lot curious. Maybe more than you want to admit. But doesn't that turn you on, that curiosity and fear, swirling together? Think of it as broadening your horizons. +I think you're just a little scared now, about what you might find once the lights go out. A little scared... and a lot curious. Maybe more than you want to admit. But doesn't that turn you on, that curiosity and fear, swirling together? Think of it as broadening your horizons. I like my horizons narrow. +I like my horizons narrow. Your voice is saying no, but your body is saying yes. +You okay? Yeah... +You are Cassandra? That's right. +That's right. We are with the Police Department. This is Sergeant Sykes, and I am-- +We are with the Police Department. This is Sergeant Sykes, and I am-- Ss'ai k'ss? Perfect. +He's not here. Why ask me? The young woman at the front said you might know where he is. +The young woman at the front said you might know where he is. She did, did she? Well, she was wrong. Excuse me, I have to change. +In there. Show me. +So what've you got on Tuggle's killers? Jesus, Sykes -- it's been less than ten hours. Me and Alterez are on it, okay? +Jesus, Sykes -- it's been less than ten hours. Me and Alterez are on it, okay? You don't have squat. +You don't have squat. You ever try to make a case in Slagtown? The list of Newcomer informants is about as long as the list of Mexican war heroes... +Look at your dildo partner. He's too scared to even come down to the sand. You're not gonna get wet standing here, moron! I'd like to see you next to a sea of hydrochloric acid, Fedorchuk... see how much surfin' you'd do. +Well, if it isn't Detective Jetson. Forget you hip waders, big guy? Lay off, asshole. +Lay off, asshole. I may be an asshole, but at least I'm a real detective, not some outer shit space thing. +William Harcourt? Yes... +Yes... I'm Sergeant Sykes, and this is Detective Jetson, Los Angeles Police Department. +I'm Sergeant Sykes, and this is Detective Jetson, Los Angeles Police Department. Sergeant... Detective. I wasn't aware there were any Newcomers at the rank of Detective yet. +Yes, I heard about poor Warren. Tragic. You were partners with him on some Slag -- uh, Newcomer real estate thing. +You were partners with him on some Slag -- uh, Newcomer real estate thing. That's right. He and I, along with seven or eight others. Listen, gentlemen, I will be happy to assist you in any way I can -- unfortunately, at the moment, I'm overdue at another function. +Move a finger, Harcourt, and you're history... No, Sergeant -- not history... Eternity... +That cop, the human, he was the one who killed Anderson and the driver. This is becoming a serious breach of security. +This is becoming a serious breach of security. He didn't recognize me. +He didn't recognize me. It is his new partner that I'm worried about. +When we picked him up, he was talking to those two cops -- the two who came to question you about Hubley. This is getting out of hand. I want you to deal with it. Immediately. +Kill them both. Here? +Here? Do it! +... and we work my hours. I'll do the driving, you do the paperwork. You gotta learn it so you might as well do it all. Sergeant... I'd like to thank you for what you're doing. +Sergeant... I'd like to thank you for what you're doing. What's that? Look, Jetson. Get this straight in your head. We're not pals, we're not married, and we ain't gonna take long moonlight walks together... We're just partners. And don't call me Sergeant. Call me Sykes... or Matt if you have to. +What's that? Look, Jetson. Get this straight in your head. We're not pals, we're not married, and we ain't gonna take long moonlight walks together... We're just partners. And don't call me Sergeant. Call me Sykes... or Matt if you have to. I am George. +Man, somebody really hung one on you! I've heard some good ones for you guys... Humphrey Bogart, Harley Davidson. I guess the people at immigration got a little punchy after a while, coming up with names for a quarter of a million of you. You weren't at the back of the line, were you, George? My true name is Ss'tangya T'ssorentsa'. +My true name is Ss'tangya T'ssorentsa'. Gesundheit. You don't mind if I stick to George, do you? +Anyway, what's it matter to you if we think it's funny, right? Whatta you care? "That is exactly so. It is like your name... Sykes. I'm sure it doesn't bother you at all that it sounds like ""ss'ai k'ss"", two words in my language which mean ""excrement"" and ""cranium""." +Let's talk Hubley. His body was discovered three days ago, in an alley off of Central Avenue, near downtown. +His body was discovered three days ago, in an alley off of Central Avenue, near downtown. With two BRI Sabot slugs in the chest. +With two BRI Sabot slugs in the chest. Through the chest. Rupturing both the primary and secondary hearts. +Through the chest. Rupturing both the primary and secondary hearts. Nice signal, dickwad! +Terrific. A real pillar of the community. Was Hubley missing anything when they found him? Was he ripped off? There was no wallet... but he was still wearing a watch and two rings. +There was no wallet... but he was still wearing a watch and two rings. The guys at the mini-mart last night made a half-assed stab at the money in the till -- but I don't think that's what they were there for. I think we got us a couple'a executions on our hands, George... +The guys at the mini-mart last night made a half-assed stab at the money in the till -- but I don't think that's what they were there for. I think we got us a couple'a executions on our hands, George... The murder at the mini-mart is not our case. The Captain said-- +Look, you want to fit in here, right? You want to learn how to get along? Yes. +Yes. Well, there's a thing about partners, about being somebody's partner. You do for each other. And other people's rules don't mean shit. It's the rules set up between the two of you, that's all that counts. Understand? Okay. Well, my friend and partner was shot last night and I'm after the shitbag that did it. As my partner, I'm asking you to respect me and help me find him. +What is wrong? Nothing's wrong. I just want to get something straight. You agree that there's a good chance these two shootings are somehow related, right? +Well... yes, quite possibly. Possibly. Good. Well, would you be willing to accept the theory, George, that... possibly... by examining the evidence from one case we might shed some small ray of light on the other? Does that sound unreasonable to you? +Possibly. Good. Well, would you be willing to accept the theory, George, that... possibly... by examining the evidence from one case we might shed some small ray of light on the other? Does that sound unreasonable to you? Yes... no, it is not unreasonable. Although I-- +Yes... no, it is not unreasonable. Although I-- Great. Well, I'm sure glad that's settled, aren't you? +What's this? What's going on? Nothing. +Nothing. Nothing? +Nothing? Shouldn't we examine their personal effects? +What is this? A rubber. A condom. You know... Coney Island whitefish? Men, human men, put them on their, uh -- penises -- to protect against having babies. You need this for anything? +Get the picture? And that fits? +And that fits? Well... Yeah, it's rubber. It stretches. +Well... Yeah, it's rubber. It stretches. And still it fits? +Newcomers working near methane gasses at oil refineries must paint it on their boots to protect against sparks. How the hell do you know that? +How the hell do you know that? A large number of my people were hired by refineries because the methane fumes are not harmful to us. My spouse's brother is one. +A large number of my people were hired by refineries because the methane fumes are not harmful to us. My spouse's brother is one. "So the Slag they're cutting into upstairs worked at a refinery just like Hubley worked at a refinery. I'd say that ""possible"" connection between the two cases just got a hell of a lot more possible. Okay, next step -- I gotta go talk to the wife of the Slag store owner blown away last night." +"So the Slag they're cutting into upstairs worked at a refinery just like Hubley worked at a refinery. I'd say that ""possible"" connection between the two cases just got a hell of a lot more possible. Okay, next step -- I gotta go talk to the wife of the Slag store owner blown away last night." I believe I should interview the widow alone. +I believe I should interview the widow alone. Why the hell--?! Great, fine. You talk to the wife. +Mrs. Porter is not taking her husband's death well. Did you learn anything? +Did you learn anything? A week ago two men came to see her husband. After they left, he was very frightened. She identified one of the men from a photo I showed her. It was Hubley. +A week ago two men came to see her husband. After they left, he was very frightened. She identified one of the men from a photo I showed her. It was Hubley. Aw-right. What about the other guy? +Aw-right. What about the other guy? She didn't know him. But she said her son might. +She didn't know him. But she said her son might. Did you talk to him? +Did you talk to him? He has not been home since that day. But she told me where to find him. +Rudyard Kipling? No shit? Listen, we just need a minute of your time... We'd like to ask you about a business associate of your, Warren Hubley. +Why did you do it? Why'd I do what? +Why'd I do what? Agree to work with me? You don't like me... you don't like any of us. You have nothing but contempt for us. And yet you become an outcast from your club of detectives by making me your partner... +Agree to work with me? You don't like me... you don't like any of us. You have nothing but contempt for us. And yet you become an outcast from your club of detectives by making me your partner... My partner is dead! Because one of you bastards killed him -- then disappeared into a rathole down in Slagtown, where he's home and dry, 'cause nobody sees nothing, nobody says nothing... +Who said that? At the end of the bar. +Your name wouldn't happen to be Porter, would it? Uh, Matthew... +Uh, Matthew... Back off, George. +Back off, George. But I-- . +But I-- . I'll handle it. +Screw you. Screw me? That can't be right. +Tell me. Your mother mates out of season. +Your mother mates out of season. That's very colorful. But see -- now I've got a problem. I don't seem to be getting much cooperation from you, Porter. So I guess we're gonna have to take this little session down to my office, ya know? +Matthew, you don't have to-- . Stay back! I'm okay. +You know that guy? From quarantine, when my people first arrived here. He and I were housed together. +From quarantine, when my people first arrived here. He and I were housed together. How could a straight-arrow like you ever pick a roommate like him? +How could a straight-arrow like you ever pick a roommate like him? In the camps, we were lodged four to a room. The selection process was entirely random. We did not get to stay with our friends... or families... +If I may make a suggestion... We have different weak spots than you do. Next time, a blow to the nerve plexus under the arm, here, will produce the effect I think you were looking for. Yeah, sure. I knew that... +I don't think I could ever learn to read that shit. How long did it take you to learn English? Three months. We learn quickly. We adapt. It is our strength... what we were bred for, to adapt to hostile environments. +Which one is that? Raw what? This is mole. It's good. +This is mole. It's good. I'll bet. Would it really put you out if they tossed that on the grill for a minute or two? +I'll bet. Would it really put you out if they tossed that on the grill for a minute or two? Our bodies do not assimilate the nutrients if the food has been cooked. +So what was that other word for Human... Slow ka? "Ss'loka'. It means literally ""small but intelligent creature"". It loses much in the translation." +"Ss'loka'. It means literally ""small but intelligent creature"". It loses much in the translation." And what was that one about my mother? That was a good one. +And what was that one about my mother? That was a good one. Ss'trokya ss'lato 'na'. +Ss'trokya ss'lato 'na'. Yeah, that's it. Say it slow. +Who is he? Todd Watson. The assistant manager. +We were chasing you because you ran, you dumb son-of-a-bitch. When will Strader return? +I believe he is probably lying. Through his ass. Next time you see him, tell him to call me... unless you want us to keep coming back on you like a bad case of herpes. +So, she keeps you on a pretty short leash, does she? My wife? She worries about me. +Yeah... I know the routine. You are married? +You are married? Was. Divorced. +Was. Divorced. We mate for life. Divorce... is a strange concept to us. +We mate for life. Divorce... is a strange concept to us. It's like having an eleventh finger removed. It hurts like hell, but you never really needed the damn thing in the first place. +Your home is quite disordered. I thought perhaps you had been burglarized when I walked in. I appreciate your honesty, George. +Human children can be very beautiful. Getting married? Congratulations. You will be taking Sunday off, then... Maybe not... I don't know. I'm not sure I'm gonna go. She doesn't need her burn-out of a father there... +"... and so, and so the doctor says, ""If this is the thermometer, then where'd I leave the pen?"" You're not... you don't think that's funny? George, work with me, I always get a laugh with that one. Look, if the doctor's got the thermometer in his hand, then where's his pen gotta be?" In the other man's rectum. +In the other man's rectum. Sticking out of his ass... yeah! See, that's what makes it a joke. There's like a surprise, and your mind fills in the funny picture. Here's this guy with a pen stuck in his ass and he thinks it's a thermometer. Nada, huh? +Your health... Ta ss'trakyona'... +There is so much our two peoples don't understand about each other. No shit, Holmes. You're only from another goddamn planet, for chrissakes. +No shit, Holmes. You're only from another goddamn planet, for chrissakes. You humans are very curious to us. You invite us to live among you, in an atmosphere of equality we've never known before. You lay before us a beautiful green world, full of freedoms and opportunities... You give us ownership of our lives for the first time... and you ask no more of us than you do of yourselves: to live by the rules... rules that aren't made to keep one people subordinate to another, but rules that exist to preserve equality. You aspire to very high ideals here. +I hope you can understand how special your world is... how unique a people you humans are. So it us all the more painful and confusing to us that so few of you seem capable of living up the the ideals you set for yourselves. Don't count on me, George. I never had any ideals. +I'm going home. Yeah, go home. Get some sleep. You do sleep, don't you? +Where'd you get this?!! A man, a human, was wiring it to your car. I didn't get a good look at him. I must call my wife... +She's going to divorce me. George, she's not gonna divorce you. You mate for life, remember? +George, she's not gonna divorce you. You mate for life, remember? She's very progressive. I'm certain she's considering it. +Well, let's roll, George. To the... to the beach? +To the... to the beach? Come on, let's go, dude. Surf's up! +Stop the car. Why? +Why? Please, I must get out here. +Please, I must get out here. Come on, you won't have to get near the water. +Come on, you won't have to get near the water. Stop the car! +It's all right, George. It's cool. Just wait here, all right? I'll be back in a coupla minutes. Thank you. +What was that about? Nothing. +... So we've got three guys dead. All Newcomers, all killed the same way -- execution style. Warren Hubley was in middle management at a refinery... Joshua Strader operated a successful bar and nightclub... +Warren Hubley was in middle management at a refinery... Joshua Strader operated a successful bar and nightclub... ... and Porter ran a piece of shit mom-and-pop mini-mart. So what the hell's the connection? +What's this nothing shit? It wasn't nothing yesterday when you asked Bentner to run that test and he looked like he was about to shit peach pits, and it's not nothing now. Don't lie to me, George, you're bad at it. You must leave me alone on this. +No secrets, goddammit! You don't hold back from me. Whatever is going on, you're gonna tell me now! No. I cannot involve you. This is not your concern. +No. I cannot involve you. This is not your concern. The hell it isn't, when somebody wires up enough C-4 explosive to my car to turn me into pink mist! That Slag was on something, and not sour milk, either? Am I right? TELL ME! What is it? +The hell it isn't, when somebody wires up enough C-4 explosive to my car to turn me into pink mist! That Slag was on something, and not sour milk, either? Am I right? TELL ME! What is it? ... It is called ss'jabroka'. To us it is a potent narcotic. +... It is called ss'jabroka'. To us it is a potent narcotic. How potent? +How potent? "Like your cocaine, I suppose. The ""high"" lasts several hours. We would receive small amounts of it... as a reward for our labor." +"Like your cocaine, I suppose. The ""high"" lasts several hours. We would receive small amounts of it... as a reward for our labor." We? You've taken it? +We? You've taken it? We all did. +We all did. Where did he get it? Was there any of it on the ship? +Where did he get it? Was there any of it on the ship? No... I am sure not. That is why I am so concerned... someone must now be producing it here. But none of my people know how to make it. The process was carefully guarded. +No... I am sure not. That is why I am so concerned... someone must now be producing it here. But none of my people know how to make it. The process was carefully guarded. Jesus, this is major. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why'd you hold out on me? +Jesus, this is major. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why'd you hold out on me? Your people don't know about this part of out past. And they can't know -- It would threaten our entire existence here. +George... look me in the eye... George, you don't ever lie to me again. I must trust you, Matthew. I cannot stop this without you. +They had months in quarantine to develop the plan. Porter, with his chemistry background, must have somehow come up with the formula for the drug. Hubley manufactured it -- at the refinery. Strader, through the nightclub, established a distribution network. And Harcourt-- Harcourt was the brain who brought it all together. +Okay, George -- we gotta play this real smart. If the drug is here, we must destroy it. +If the drug is here, we must destroy it. No, George -- you're missing the point. The drug is evidence. We need to have the evidence, ya know? +Uh, George... Where is the drug? Where have they taken it? +George, uh... you're gonna break his little chest bones... Stay out of this, Matthew. Tell me where the drug has been taken or I will crush your lungs against this wall. +George, c'mon -- lighten up. It's a beauty of a case. Don't sweat it -- we got him by the short hairs. He ain't gonna make any more of the shit. The fifty kilos, Matthew. I have to find it. I can't let it get out on the street. +The fifty kilos, Matthew. I have to find it. I can't let it get out on the street. Why? What's the big goddamn deal? +Shit! Ss-ai! +With Harcourt and Kipling dead, I assume you will be requesting reassignment now. It'd be for your own good. I think you'd be better off with a partner who's a little more... by the book. ... Still, I gotta tell you, George, for a quiet guy, you're sure hell on wheels once you get going. I'd kinda hate to miss your next two days as a detective. +What's this about, George? I know that look. There! Go back. Down that side street. +No! We must do this alone. Do what?! George-- ?! +What is this?! ... It's Harcourt. +... It's Harcourt. Harcourt is dead. +Harcourt is dead. No he's not. Not if he overdosed on the drug. Massive amounts trigger a... a change. Your body functions seize up, you appear to be dead, but it's really a state of incubation. When you emerge you're... +No he's not. Not if he overdosed on the drug. Massive amounts trigger a... a change. Your body functions seize up, you appear to be dead, but it's really a state of incubation. When you emerge you're... Tell me about it... +I never thought I'd say this, but -- for once in my life I think I'm willing to wait for back-up. We can't let him get away. +We can't let him get away. Why the hell are you so dead set against back-up? +Why the hell are you so dead set against back-up? Because... because of what will happen if humans see what we are capable of becoming. +Because... because of what will happen if humans see what we are capable of becoming. But there's no more drug. +But there's no more drug. You understand that. But how many others will? +How do I look? You look very good. +You said you wanted the biggest thing I could find... Well, this is it. What is it? +What is it? Casull .454 Magnum. You're talking twice the impact energy of .44 Magnum hot loads. +Casull .454 Magnum. You're talking twice the impact energy of .44 Magnum hot loads. Only holds five. +Only holds five. Yeah, the shells are too big for six in an cylinder. Hell, Matt, you don't need but one. +Yeah, the shells are too big for six in an cylinder. Hell, Matt, you don't need but one. No... two. +Mr. Hubley was an all right guy -- and a damn good manager. The men liked him. I'm really gonna have to scramble to fill his shoes. Well, one of the men didn't like him so much... +You think this is the guy who did it? We think he could'a been involved, yeah. You know him? +We think he could'a been involved, yeah. You know him? To be honest, it's hard to say. I hate to admit it but -- they all still kinda look alike to me. +To be honest, it's hard to say. I hate to admit it but -- they all still kinda look alike to me. Who else can I ask around here? +Who else can I ask around here? Wait. You know who it looks like? Yeah. Anderson. Uh... James Anderson. He isn't in today. He took the afternoon off. +Wait. You know who it looks like? Yeah. Anderson. Uh... James Anderson. He isn't in today. He took the afternoon off. I think you're gonna find he's taken the rest of his life off. +That where Anderson worked? Yes it is. Thirty-five percent pure Methane gas in there. I don't know how these fellas do it. +Don't piss him off, O'Neal. When he gets like this, I can't control him. I've seen this before. He got like this once -- I saw him jerk a guy's spine out and show it to him. Nothing I could do. I hadda go throw up. ... They took the stuff out, all of it -- this afternoon. +Here's Hubley. Left Quarantine on November thirtieth, relocated first to Riverside, then moved to Los Angeles early in February the following year. Field of expertise: chemical manufacturing. Looks like he passed up several other better paying jobs waiting for that one at the refinery. Try Joshua Strader, will ya, darlin'? +Try Joshua Strader, will ya, darlin'? For you, anything. +Released December one. He and his wife moved first to Modesto, then Coalinga, California -- wherever that is -- settled in L.A. in April. Field of expertise: organic chemical engineering. He and his wife have one child, a son. Yeah -- we met him. Wonderful boy... close personal friend of George's here. +Yeah -- we met him. Wonderful boy... close personal friend of George's here. I'm sorry, Matt. Nothing here seems to be matching up... +Can you dig up their Quarantine records in this thing? Sure. Just a minute. +Jesus, are the questions too tough for you already? Let's try again-- Is your name Porter? Ss'kya'ta'. +Ss'kya'ta'. What's that? +One of the two men was Hubley, right? What about the other one? Did you know him? Yeah... I seen him around. High- roller dude named Strader. Joshua Strader. Runs a club on the west side. Encounters. +Yeah... I seen him around. High- roller dude named Strader. Joshua Strader. Runs a club on the west side. Encounters. Yeah, I heard of it. +Yeah, I heard of it. That's all I know. You want anything more, you ask somebody else. +You know I've been over all this with Fedorchuk and Alterez this morning... Come on. You got nothin' better to do, cushy county job like yours. +Yeah, right. Don't push your luck. Anyway, according to the sheet, the guy you nailed outside by the car-- The human? +The human? Yeah... he was one Martin Helder. White male, twenty-seven. Let's see... wrap sheet shows one armed robbery conviction, a couple for sale of a controlled substance. Oh yeah, and he was wired on coke when you stopped his clock. +No I.D. on him and -- well, you know, no fingerprints -- so it could be tough. Your buddies this morning went through the mug book but couldn't make a facial match. Fedorchuk couldn't find his ass with his hands in his back pockets. +You took this gut out, too, didn't you? Yeah. +Yeah. Lucky for you, you got him in both of his... well, what we loosely refer to as... hearts. +Lucky for you, you got him in both of his... well, what we loosely refer to as... hearts. Lucky nothing. I had to empty my damn gun into him. +Lucky nothing. I had to empty my damn gun into him. That's the way these people are. You don't hit both pumps you just piss them off. +Oh, here's an extra headshot if you need one. We're just about to start cutting in. You're welcome to stick around if you want. It's really fascinating stuff. Yeah, I'll bet. +You guys finished the postmortem on Strader yet? You mean the Blob? They're finishing up now. +What kind of test? Looking for some foreign compound in the blood of that alien you dropped the other day. +Looking for some foreign compound in the blood of that alien you dropped the other day. Did he find anything? +Yeah, Sykes? Captain. I'd like to volunteer for duty with the new detective. +You are to have nothing to do with the investigation into Bill Tuggle's death. You know that. Leave that for Fedorchuk. Departmental policy. +Departmental policy. You? +Granger and Pitts are already on it. Granger and Pitts have one hell of a caseload... and I would have thought with Jetson here being the first Newcomer plainclothes, and Hubley's body being found over in the Newcomer community... +Granger and Pitts have one hell of a caseload... and I would have thought with Jetson here being the first Newcomer plainclothes, and Hubley's body being found over in the Newcomer community... Don't tell me what to think. +Hope their plumbing's the same. It is. +How can I go? Put on your wash-and-wear suit and your clip-on tie, have your landlady tie your shoes for you, and show up at the church. Simple. Me and Carol are going. +Put on your wash-and-wear suit and your clip-on tie, have your landlady tie your shoes for you, and show up at the church. Simple. Me and Carol are going. What? +What? Hey, look -- we've known Kristin since... since she was conceived in that cabin up in Big Bear. Remember? You and Edie banged the wall so hard, me and Carol were picking plaster out of our hair for a week... +Hey, look -- we've known Kristin since... since she was conceived in that cabin up in Big Bear. Remember? You and Edie banged the wall so hard, me and Carol were picking plaster out of our hair for a week... Goddammit, Tug -- I want to see Kristin get married, okay? But-- +Goddammit, Tug -- I want to see Kristin get married, okay? But-- But you're bummed because your ex and her new husband are paying for the whole thing. +But you're bummed because your ex and her new husband are paying for the whole thing. Shit, if Kristin had to get married where I could afford it, we'd be holding the reception at Buddy's Burgers. +Does that look at all suspicious to you? Whatever gave you that idea? +You got your vest? Of course. Right in the trunk of the car. +Of course. Right in the trunk of the car. Yeah, that's comforting. Mine, too. +Watch the driver. I'm going for a better angle on the door. I got him. Don't get pinned. +Get outta there! I can't! Do you mind! +I can't! Do you mind! I'll cover you! Get outta there!! +This floor's freezing. Christ. I never saw such a buncha old women. You want me to fetch your slippers, Hudson? +Christ. I never saw such a buncha old women. You want me to fetch your slippers, Hudson? Would you, Sir? +Whoooah! No shit? I'm impressed. Let's go...let's go. Cycle through! +Hey, 'Top.' What's the op? Rescue mission. There's some juicy colonists' daughters we gotta rescue from virginity. +Movement! Position? +Position? Can't lock up... +Can't lock up... Talk to me, Hudson. +Talk to me, Hudson. Uh, seems to be in front and behind. +...that's better. Pan it around a bit. Awright. Fire-team A. Gear up. Let's move. Two minutes. Somebody wake up Hicks. +Okay, let's do it. Awright! I want a nice clean dispersal this time. +Set down sixty meters this side of the telemetry mast. Immediate dust off on my 'clear,' then stay on station. Ten seconds, people. Look sharp! +First squad up, on line. Hicks, get yours in a cordon. Watch the rear. Vasquez, take point. Let's move. +Flame-units only. I want rifles slung. Let's go. Pull 'em out. +Uh,...Apone, I want you to lay down a suppressing fire with the incinerators and fall back by squads to the APC, over. Say again? All after incinerators? +I've isolated a neuro-muscular toxin responsible for the paralysis. It seems to be metabolizing. He should wake up soon. Now let me get this straight. The aliens paralyzed the colonists, carried them over there, cocooned them to be hosts for more of those... +Which would mean lots of those parasites, right? One for each person...over a hundred at least. Yes. That follows. +Yes. That follows. But these things come from eggs...so where are all the eggs coming from. +But these things come from eggs...so where are all the eggs coming from. That is the question of the hour. We could assume a parallel to certain insect forms who have hivelike organization. An ant of termite colony, for example, is ruled by a single female, a queen, which is the source of new eggs. +That is the question of the hour. We could assume a parallel to certain insect forms who have hivelike organization. An ant of termite colony, for example, is ruled by a single female, a queen, which is the source of new eggs. You're saying one of those things lays all the eggs? +You're saying one of those things lays all the eggs? Well, the queen is always physically larger then the others. A termite queen's abdomen is so bloated with eggs that it can't move at all. It is fed and tended by drone workers, defended by the warriors. She is the center of their lives, quite literally the mother of their society. +Well, the queen is always physically larger then the others. A termite queen's abdomen is so bloated with eggs that it can't move at all. It is fed and tended by drone workers, defended by the warriors. She is the center of their lives, quite literally the mother of their society. Could it be intelligent? +Could it be intelligent? Hard to say. It may have been blind instinct...attraction to the heat of whatever...but she did choose to incubate her eggs in the one spot where we couldn't destroy her without destroying ourselves. That's if she exists, of course. +That's it. See it? Emergency venting. How long until it blows? +How long until it blows? I'm projecting total systems failure in a little under four hours. The blast radius will be about thirty kilometers. About equal to ten megatons. +And it's too late to shut it down? I'm afraid so. The crash did too much damage. The overload is inevitable, at this point. +I'll go. What? +What? I'm really the only one qualified to remote-pilot the ship anyway. Believe me, I'd prefer not to. I may be synthetic but I'm not stupid. +I'm really the only one qualified to remote-pilot the ship anyway. Believe me, I'd prefer not to. I may be synthetic but I'm not stupid. All right. Let's get on it. What'll you need? +It's going to be closer. You better get going. See you soon. +HOW MUCH TIME? PLENTY! TWENTY-SIX MINUTES! +PLENTY! TWENTY-SIX MINUTES! WE'RE NOT LEAVING! +Ripley... She's alive. They brought her here and you know it. +She's alive. They brought her here and you know it. In seventeen minutes this place will be a cloud of vapor the size of Nebraska. +You did okay, Bishop. Well, thanks, I -- +Fifty-seven...oh, Christ... You'd drifted right through the core systems. It's blind luck that deep-salvage team caught you when they...are you all right? +Have they located my daughter yet? Well, I was going to wait until after the inquest... +Is she...? Amanda Ripley-McClaren. Married name, I guess. Age: sixty-six ...at time of death. Two years ago. I'm sorry. +Amy. Cancer. Hmmmm. They still haven't licked that one. Cremated. Interred Parkside Repository, Little Chute, Wisconsin. No children. +You read my deposition...it's complete and accurate. Look, I believe you, but there are going to be some heavyweights in there. You got Feds, you got interstellar commerce commission, you got colonial administration, insurance company guys... +Look, I believe you, but there are going to be some heavyweights in there. You got Feds, you got interstellar commerce commission, you got colonial administration, insurance company guys... I get the picture. +I get the picture. Just tell them what happened. The important thing is to stay cool and unemotional. +You had them eating out of your hand, kiddo. They had their minds made up before I even went in there. They think I'm a head case. +They had their minds made up before I even went in there. They think I'm a head case. You are a head case. Have a donut. +No. There's no way! Hear me out... +Hear me out... I was reamed, steamed and dry-cleaned by you guys...and now you want me to go back out there? Forget it. +What about you? What's your interest in this? Well, the corporation co-financed that colony with the Colonial Administration, against mineral rights. We're getting into a lot of terraforming...'Building Better Worlds.' +Yeah, yeah. I saw the commercial. I heard you were working in the cargo docks. +I heard you were working in the cargo docks. That's right. +That's right. Running loaders, forklifts, that sort of thing? +Running loaders, forklifts, that sort of thing? It's all I could get. Anyway, it keeps my mind off of... everything. Days off are worse. +It's all I could get. Anyway, it keeps my mind off of... everything. Days off are worse. What if I said I could get you reinstated as a flight officer? And that the company has agreed to pick up your contract? +What if I said I could get you reinstated as a flight officer? And that the company has agreed to pick up your contract? If I go. +If I go. If you go. It's a second chance, kiddo. And it'll be the best thing in the world for you to face this fear and beat it. You gotta get back on the horse... +If you go. It's a second chance, kiddo. And it'll be the best thing in the world for you to face this fear and beat it. You gotta get back on the horse... Spare me, Burke. I've had my psych evaluation this month. +Yes, and I've read it. You wake up every night, sheets soaking, the same nightmare over and over... No! The answer is no. Now please go. I'm sorry. Just go, would you. +Yello? Oh, Ripley. Hi... Burke, just tell me one thing. That you're going out there to kill them. Not study. Not bring back. Just burn them out...clean ...forever. +Burke, just tell me one thing. That you're going out there to kill them. Not study. Not bring back. Just burn them out...clean ...forever. That's the plan. My word on it. +You never said anything about an android being here! Why not? Well, it didn't occur to me. It's been policy for years to have a synthetic on board. +I hope you're right. I really do. I suggest you study the disks Ripley has been kind enough to prepare for you. +That the atmosphere processor? Uh-hunh. One of thirty or so, all over the planet. They're completely automated. We manufacture them, by the way. +They're right under the primary heat exchangers. Yeah? Maybe the organisms like the heat, that's why they built... +Yeah? Maybe the organisms like the heat, that's why they built... That's not what I mean. Gorman, if your men have to use their weapons in there, they'll rupture the cooling system. +That's not what I mean. Gorman, if your men have to use their weapons in there, they'll rupture the cooling system. She's right. +No good. How do we know it'll effect their biochemistry? I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. Now hold on a second. I'm not authorizing that action. +Now hold on a second. I'm not authorizing that action. Why not? +Well, I mean...I know this is an emotional moment, but let's not make snap judgments. Let's move cautiously. First, this physical installation had a substantial dollar value attached to it -- They can bill me. I got a tab running. What's second? +They can bill me. I got a tab running. What's second? This is clearly an important species we're dealing with here. We can't just arbitrarily exterminate them -- +This is clearly an important species we're dealing with here. We can't just arbitrarily exterminate them -- Bullshit! +You son of a bitch. Don't make me pull rank, Ripley. +Don't make me pull rank, Ripley. What rank? I believe Corporal Hicks has authority here. +What rank? I believe Corporal Hicks has authority here. Corporal Hicks!? +Corporal Hicks!? This operation is under military jurisdiction and Hicks is next in chain of command. Right? +Those specimens are worth millions to the bio-weapons division. Now, if you're smart we can both come out of this heroes. Set up for life. You just try getting a dangerous organism past ICC quarantine. Section 22350 of the Commerce Code. +You just try getting a dangerous organism past ICC quarantine. Section 22350 of the Commerce Code. You've been doing your homework. Look, they can't impound it if they don't know about it. +You've been doing your homework. Look, they can't impound it if they don't know about it. But they will know about it, Burke. From me. Just like they'll know how you were responsible for the deaths of one hundred and fifty-seven colonists here -- +But they will know about it, Burke. From me. Just like they'll know how you were responsible for the deaths of one hundred and fifty-seven colonists here -- Now, wait a second -- +Now, wait a second -- You sent them to that ship. I just checked the colony log... directive dates six-twelve-seventy-nine. Signed Burke, Carter J. +You sent them out there and you didn't even warn them, Burke. Why didn't you warn them? Look, maybe the thing didn't even exist, right? And if I'd made it a major security situation, the Administration would've stepped in. Then no exclusive rights, nothing. +I expected more of you, Ripley. I thought you would be smarter than this. Sorry to disappoint you. +Look, we don't know what's going on out there. It may just be a down transmitter. But if it's not, I want you there...as an advisor. That's all. You wouldn't be going in with the troops. I can guarantee your safety. +You wouldn't be going in with the troops. I can guarantee your safety. These Colonial Marines are some tough hombres, and they're packing state-of-the-art firepower. Nothing they can't handle...right, Lieutenant? +These Colonial Marines are some tough hombres, and they're packing state-of-the-art firepower. Nothing they can't handle...right, Lieutenant? We're trained to deal with these kinds of situations. +Still nothing from the colony? Dead on all channels. +Looks like you company can write off its share of this colony. It's insured. +What's he scanning for? PDT'S. Personal-Data Transmitters. Every adult colonist had one surgically implanted. +We're talking thermonuclear explosion. Shit. Apone, collect magazines from everybody. We can't have any firing in there. +How may drops is this for you, Lieutenant? Thirty-eight...simulated. +Hold at forty. Slow circle of the complex. The structure seems intact. They have power. +One of us? Apone...where are your people? Anybody in D-Block? +Where are your parents? You have to try... Gorman! Give it a rest would you. +What is it? I don't know. +I don't know. Proceed inside. +So. So...then the fusion containment shuts down. +So...then the fusion containment shuts down. So? So? +GET THEM OUT OF THERE! DO IT NOW! Shut up. Just shut up! +I told them to fall back... They're but off! Do something! +How do you feel? All right, I guess. One hell of a hangover. Look, Ripley... I... +All right, I guess. One hell of a hangover. Look, Ripley... I... Forget it. +At ease. I'm sorry we didn't have time to brief before we left Gateway but... Sir? +Sir? Yes, Hicks? +Yes, Hicks? Hudson, Sir. He's Hicks. +Hudson, Sir. He's Hicks. What's the question? +What's the question? Is this going to be a stand-up fight, Sir, on another bug-hunt? +Is this going to be a stand-up fight, Sir, on another bug-hunt? All we know is that there's still no contact with the colony and that a xenomorph may be involved. +Are there any questions? Hudson? How do I get out of this chicken-shit outfit? +All right, the area's secured. Let's go in and see what their computer can tell us. First team head for operations. Hudson, see if you can get their CPU on line. Hicks, meet me at the south lock by the up-link tower... ...We're coming in. +...We're coming in. He's coming in. I feel safer already. +Sir, the CPU is on-line. Okay, stand by in operations. Let's go. +Hah! Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen! Found 'em. Alive? +Alive? Unknown. But, it looks like all of them. Over at the processing station...sublevel 'C' under the south tower. +We're not making that out too well. What is it? You tell me. I only work here. +Save it. Sure, Hicks. +Let's get the fuck out of here! Not that tunnel, the other one! +Well that's great! That's just fucking great, man. Now what the fuck are we supposed to do, man? We're in some real pretty shit now! Are you finished? You okay? +Outstanding. Then all we need's a deck of cards. All right, let's move like we got a purpose. Aye-firmative. +We got problems. I don't fucking believe this. Do you believe this? +Maybe we got 'em demoralized. I want you two walking the perimeter. I know we're all in strung out shape but stay frosty and alert. We've got to stop any entries before they get out of hand. +The corner! Ready? Do it! +Seventeen meters. Let's get these things lit. +Well you're not reading it right! Six meters. Five. What the fu -- +Let's go! Let's go! Fuckin' A! +Removed surgically before embryo implantation. Subject: Marachuk, John L. Died during procedure. They killed him getting it off. Poor bastard. +How long after we're declared overdue can we expect a rescue? About seventeen days. +All right. There's a fire door at this end. The first thing we do is put a remote sentry in the tunnel and seal that door. We gotta figure on them getting into the complex. +We gotta figure on them getting into the complex. That's right. So we put up welded barricades at these intersections... ...and seal these ducts here and here. Then they can only come at us from these two corridors and we create a free field of fire for the other two sentry units, here. +They're in the approach corridor. On my way. +Now many? Can't tell. Lots. D gun's down to twenty. Ten. It's out. +Newt time then can walk right up and knock. But they don't know that. They're probably looking for other ways to get in. That'll take them awhile. +They'll get us. Maybe. Maybe not. +Maybe. Maybe not. Hicks, I'm not going to wind up like those others. You'll take care of it won't you, it if comes to that? +Hicks, I'm not going to wind up like those others. You'll take care of it won't you, it if comes to that? If it comes to that, I'll do us both. Let's see that it doesn't Here, I'd like to introduce you to a close personal friend of mine. +What's this? Well, that's the grenade launcher ...you probably don't want to mess with that. +Well, that's the grenade launcher ...you probably don't want to mess with that. Look, you started this. Now show me everything. I can handle myself. +Look, you started this. Now show me everything. I can handle myself. Yeah. I've noticed. +Wait a minute. We'd know about it. The only way it would work is if he sabotaged certain freezers on the trip back. Then he could jettison the bodies and make up any story he liked. +You know, Burke, I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them screwing each other over for a fucking percentage. Let's waste him. No offense. +It's game time. Get back here, both of you. Fall back to Operations. +They learned. They cut the power and avoided the guns. They must have found another way in, something we missed. We didn't miss anything. +Locked. Stand back. +No! No! She's alive! We have to -- All right! She's alive. I believe it. But we gotta get moving! Now! +Hicks, don't let him leave. We ain't going anywhere. +Ellen. Don't be long, Ellen. +Hey, Vasquez...you ever been mistaken for a man? No. Have you? +Somebody said alien...she thought they said illegal alien and signed up. Fuck you. +Fuck you. Anytime. Anywhere. +All right, we can't blow the fuck out of them...why not roll some canisters of CN-20 down there. Nerve gas the whole nest? Look, man, let's just bug out and call it even, okay? +Yeah, bullshit. Watch us. Maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got out asses kicked, pal! +Oh, man. And I was gettin' short, too! Four more weeks and out. Now I'm gonna buy it on this fuckin' rock. It ain't half fair, man! Hudson, give us a break. +It's inside the complex. You're just reading me. +You're just reading me. No. No! It ain't you. They're inside. Inside the perimeter. They're in here. +Sounds like you, Hicks. The embryo, the second form, hosts in the victim's body for several hours. Gestating. Then it... ...then it...emerges. Moults. Grows rapidly -- +Looks like it stung him. Hey...hey! Look, Crowe and Dietrich aren't dead, man. +You can't help them. Right now they're being cocooned just like the others. Oh, God. Jesus. This ain't happening. +Man, we're not going to make it seventeen hours! Those things are going to come in here, just like they did before, man... they're going to come in here and get us, man, long before... She survived longer than that with no weapons and no training. +This service tunnel is how they're moving back and forth. Yeah, right, it runs from the processing station right into the sublevel here. +Thanks. Uh, what's next? +We need the other drop-ship. The on one the Sulaco. We have to bring it down on remote, somehow. How? The transmitter was on the APC. It's wasted. +How? The transmitter was on the APC. It's wasted. I don't care how! Think of a way. Think of something. +I don't care how! Think of a way. Think of something. Think of what? We're fucked. +Think of what? We're fucked. What about the colony transmitter? That up-link tower down at the other end. Why can't we use that? +Well then somebody's just going to have to go out there. Take a portable terminal and go out there and plug in manually. Oh, right! Right! With those things running around. No way. +They cut the power. What do you mean, they cut the power? How could they cut the power, man? They're animals. +This signal's weird...must be some interference or something. There's movement all over the place... Just get back here! +Range twenty meters. Seal the door. +Fifteen meters. I don't know, an acid hole in a duct. Something under the floors, not on the plans. I don't know! +Twelve meters. Man, this is a big fucking signal. Ten meters. They're right on us. Vasquez, how you doing? +Nine meters. Eight. Can't be. That's inside the room! +Can't be. That's inside the room! It's readin' right. Look! +You remember you sent some wildcatters out to that plateau, out past the Ilium range, a couple days ago? Yeah. What? +Yeah. What? There's a guy on the horn, mom-and-pop survey team. Says he's homing on something and wants to know if his claim will be honored. +There's a guy on the horn, mom-and-pop survey team. Says he's homing on something and wants to know if his claim will be honored. Christ. Some honch in a cushy office on Earth says go look at a grid reference in the middle of nowhere, we look. They don't say why, and I don't ask. I don't ask because it takes two weeks to get an answer out here and the answer's always 'don't ask.' +Christ. Some honch in a cushy office on Earth says go look at a grid reference in the middle of nowhere, we look. They don't say why, and I don't ask. I don't ask because it takes two weeks to get an answer out here and the answer's always 'don't ask.' So what do I tell this guy? +So what do I tell this guy? Tell him, as far as I'm concerned, he finds something it's his. +And how are we today? Terrible. +Terrible. Just terrible? That's better than yesterday at least. +Just terrible? That's better than yesterday at least. How long have I been on Gateway station? +How long have I been on Gateway station? Just a couple of days. Do you feel up to a visitor? +Bad dreams again? Do you want something to help you sleep? No.. I've slept enough. +What did you say? Newt. My n-name's Newt. Nobody calls me Rebecca except my dork brother. +Casey. She's my only friend. What about me? +I don't want you for a friend. Why not? +Why not? Because you'll be gone soon, like the others. Like everybody. You'll be dead and you'll leave me alone. +They'd be here if they could, honey. I know they would. They're dead. +They're dead. Newt. Look at me...Newt. I won't leave you. I promise. +Newt. Look at me...Newt. I won't leave you. I promise. You promise? +You promise? Cross my heart. +Cross my heart. And hope to die? +I was the best at the game. I knew the whole maze. The 'maze'? You mean the air ducts? +The 'maze'? You mean the air ducts? Yeah, you know. In the walls, under the floor. I was the ace. I could hide better than anybody. +Yeah, you know. In the walls, under the floor. I was the ace. I could hide better than anybody. You're really something, ace. +I guess we're not leaving, right? I'm sorry, Newt. +I'm sorry, Newt. You don't have to be sorry. It wasn't your fault. +Now you just lie here and have a nap. You're exhausted. I don't want to...I have scary dreams. +Ripley...she doesn't have bad dreams because she's just a piece of plastic. Oh. Sorry, Newt. +Oh. Sorry, Newt. My mommy always said there were no monsters. No real ones. But there are. +Yes, there are, aren't there. Why do they tell little kids that? +Well, some kids can't handle it like you can. Did one of those things grow inside her? +I don't know, Newt. That's the truth. Isn't that how babies come? I mean people babies...they grow inside you? +Isn't that how babies come? I mean people babies...they grow inside you? No, it's different, honey. +No, it's different, honey. Did you ever have a baby? +Did you ever have a baby? Yes. A little girl. +Yes. A little girl. Where is she? +Where is she? Gone. +Gone. You mean dead. +Don't go! Please. I'll be right in the other room, Newt. And look...I can see you on that camera right up there. +Newt. Newt, wake up. Wah...? Where are...? +Wah...? Where are...? Sssh. Don't move. We're in trouble. +Mommy...I mean, Ripley...I'm scared. I know, honey. Me too. +Burke! Open the door! Look! +Come on. Crawl faster. DO you know how to get to the landing field from here? +DO you know how to get to the landing field from here? Sure. Go left. +This way. Come on, we're almost there! Newt, wait! +I knew you'd come. Newt, I want you to hang on, now. Hang on tight. +Mommy...Mommy? Right here, baby. Right here. +Are we going to sleep now? That's right. +That's right. Can we dream? +Can we dream? Yes, honey. I think we both can. +Look, I told you... It did not, however, contain any entries concerning the hostile life form you allegedly picked up. +The analysis team which went over your shuttle centimeter by centimeter found no physical evidence of the creature you describe... That's because I blew it out the Goddamn airlock! Like I said. +Look, I can see where this is going. But I'm telling you those things exist. Back on that planetoid is an alien ship and on that ship are thousands of eggs. Thousands. Do you understand? I suggest you find it, using the flight recorder's data. Find it and deal with it -- before one of your survey teams comes back with a little surprise... Thank you, Officer Ripley. That will be... +Thank you, Officer Ripley. That will be... ...because just one of those things managed to kill my entire crew, within twelve hours of hatching... +Why won't you check out LV-426? Because I don't have to. The people who live there checked it out years ago and they never reported and 'hostile organism' or alien ship. And by the way, they call it Acheron now. +Because I don't have to. The people who live there checked it out years ago and they never reported and 'hostile organism' or alien ship. And by the way, they call it Acheron now. What are you talking about. What people? +How many colonists? Sixty, maybe seventy families. +Sixty, maybe seventy families. Sweet Jesus. +A sweetheart or a pretty little wife is Papageno's wish. A willing, billing, lovey dovey Would be My most tasty little dish. Be my most tasty little dish! Be my most tasty little dish! Then that would be eating and drinking I'd live like a Prince without thinking. The wisdom of old would be mine - A woman's much better than wine! Then that would be eating and drinking! The wisdom of old would be mine - A woman's much better than wine. She's much better than wine! She's much better than wine! +Then that would be eating and drinking I'd live like a Prince without thinking. The wisdom of old would be mine - A woman's much better than wine! Then that would be eating and drinking! The wisdom of old would be mine - A woman's much better than wine. She's much better than wine! She's much better than wine! A sweetheart or a pretty little wife is Papageno's wish. A willing, billing, lovey dovey Would be My most tasty little dish. +A sweetheart or a pretty little wife is Papageno's wish. A willing, billing, lovey dovey Would be My most tasty little dish. I need to net one birdie only And I will stop feeling so lonely. But if she won't fly to my aid, Then into a ghost I must fade. I need to net one birdie only But if she won't fly to my aid, Then into a ghost I must fade. To a ghost I must fade! To a ghost I must fade! +I need to net one birdie only And I will stop feeling so lonely. But if she won't fly to my aid, Then into a ghost I must fade. I need to net one birdie only But if she won't fly to my aid, Then into a ghost I must fade. To a ghost I must fade! To a ghost I must fade! A sweetheart or a pretty little wife is Papageno's wish. A willing, billing, lovey dovey Would be My most tasty little dish. +A sweetheart or a pretty little wife is Papageno's wish. A willing, billing, lovey dovey Would be My most tasty little dish. At present the girls only peck me. Their cruelty surely will wreck me. But one little beak in my own, And I'll up to heaven be flown! At present the girls only peck me. But one little beak in my own, And I'll up to heaven be flown. Up to heaven be flown! Up to heaven be flown! +Follow me, please. The Archbishop would like a word. Certainly! +Well, I think that went off remarkably well, don't you? Indeed. +Indeed. These Viennese certainly know good music when they hear it. +These Viennese certainly know good music when they hear it. His Grace is very angry with you. +His Grace is very angry with you. What do you mean? +Maestro. Good morning. +Good morning. Well? How do you like it? It's Turkish. My hairdresser tells me everything's going to be Turkish this year! +Well? How do you like it? It's Turkish. My hairdresser tells me everything's going to be Turkish this year! Really? What else did he tell you today? Give me some gossip. +Really? What else did he tell you today? Give me some gossip. Well, I heard you met Herr Mozart. +Well, I heard you met Herr Mozart. Oh? News travels fast in Vienna. +Oh? News travels fast in Vienna. And he's been commissioned to write an opera. Is it true? +And he's been commissioned to write an opera. Is it true? Yes. +Yes. Is there a part for me? +Is there a part for me? No. +No. How do you know? +How do you know? Well even if there is, I don't think you want to get involved with this one. +Well even if there is, I don't think you want to get involved with this one. Why not? +Why not? Well, do you know where it's set, my dear? +Well, do you know where it's set, my dear? Where? +Where? In a harem. +In a harem. What's that? +What's that? A brothel. +A brothel. Oh! +Oh! A Turkish brothel. +A Turkish brothel. Turkish? Oh, if it's Turkish, that's different. I want to be in it. +Turkish? Oh, if it's Turkish, that's different. I want to be in it. My dear, it will hardly enhance your reputation to be celebrated throughout Vienna as a singing prostitute for a Turk. +Oh. Well perhaps you could introduce us anyway. Perhaps. +What does he look like? You might be disappointed. +You might be disappointed. Why? +Why? Looks and talent don't always go together, Katherina. +Looks and talent don't always go together, Katherina. Looks don't concern me, Maestro. Only talent interests a woman of taste. +Did you know? Had you heard? What? +What? The marriage! +The marriage! Well, what does it matter to you? +Well, what does it matter to you? Nothing! He can marry who he pleases. I don't give a damn. +How was I? Tell me honestly. You were sublime. +You were sublime. What did you think of the music? +What did you think of the music? Extremely clever. +Extremely clever. Meaning you didn't like it. +Katherina! I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to write another aria for you. Something even more amazing for the second act. I have to get some water. Her mother is lying on the stage. Don't bother! +Don't bother! What? +What? Don't bother. +Don't bother. I'll be right back. +Oh - excuse me! Is her mother still lying on the floor? +Is her mother still lying on the floor? No, she's fine. +No, she's fine. I'm so relieved. +Is she a good fuck? What?? +What?? I assume she's the virtuoso in that department. There can't be any other reason you'd marry someone like that. +No, no, no, no. You can't take him away now. This is his night. Won't you introduce us, Wolfgang? Excuse us, Fraulein. Good night, Signore. +No! I won't have him back. But he needs to be here in Salzburg, Your Grace. He needs me and he needs you. Your protection, your understanding. +But he needs to be here in Salzburg, Your Grace. He needs me and he needs you. Your protection, your understanding. Hardly. +Hardly. Oh sir, yes! He's about to make the worst mistake of his life. Some little Viennese slut is trying to trick him into marriage. I know my son. He is too simple to see the trap - and there is no one there who really cares for him. +Oh sir, yes! He's about to make the worst mistake of his life. Some little Viennese slut is trying to trick him into marriage. I know my son. He is too simple to see the trap - and there is no one there who really cares for him. I'm not surprised. Money seems to be more important to him than loyalty or friendship. He has sold himself to Vienna. Let Vienna look out for him. +I'm not surprised. Money seems to be more important to him than loyalty or friendship. He has sold himself to Vienna. Let Vienna look out for him. Sir - +Sir - Your son is an unprincipled, spoiled, conceited brat. +Your son is an unprincipled, spoiled, conceited brat. Yes, sir, that's the truth. But don't blame him. The fault is mine. I was too indulgent with him. But not again. Never again, I promise! I implore you - let me bring him back here. I'll make him give his word to serve you faithfully. +Yes, sir, that's the truth. But don't blame him. The fault is mine. I was too indulgent with him. But not again. Never again, I promise! I implore you - let me bring him back here. I'll make him give his word to serve you faithfully. And how will you make him keep it? +And how will you make him keep it? Oh, sir, he's never disobeyed me in anything. Please, Your Grace, give him one more chance. +Oh, sir, he's never disobeyed me in anything. Please, Your Grace, give him one more chance. You have leave to try. +You have leave to try. Oh, Your Grace - I thank Your Grace! I thank you! +Why what, sir? Why do I have to be humiliated in front of my guests by one of my own servants? +Why do I have to be humiliated in front of my guests by one of my own servants? Humiliated? +Humiliated? How much provocation am I to endure from you? The more license I allow you, the more you take. +If His Grace is not satisfied with me, he can dismiss me. I wish you to return immediately to Salzburg. Your father is waiting for you there patiently. I will speak to you further when I come. +I wish you to return immediately to Salzburg. Your father is waiting for you there patiently. I will speak to you further when I come. No, Your Grace! I mean with all humility, no. I would rather you dismissed me. It's obvious I don't satisfy. +No, Your Grace! I mean with all humility, no. I would rather you dismissed me. It's obvious I don't satisfy. Then try harder, Mozart. I have no intention of dismissing you. You will remain in my service and learn your place. Go now. +Don Giovannnnnnnni! Who the devil are you? What do you want? +Who the devil are you? What do you want? I've come to dinnnnnner! +I've come to dinnnnnner! Dinner? How dare you? I am a nobleman. I only dine with people of my own height. +Dinner? How dare you? I am a nobleman. I only dine with people of my own height. Are you drunk? You invited me. And my horse. Here he is. Ottavio! +In the pot, I have got a good dinner. Not a sausage or stew, but a singer. Not a sausage or stew but a singer. Is the treat that I'll eat for my meat! Oh shut up. I'm sick to death of that tune. +What is it? I want to go! +I want to go! Where? +Where? I want to go back to Vienna. +I want to go back to Vienna. Now? +Now? Yes! +Yes! Why? +Why? I feel wrong. I feel wrong being here. +I feel wrong. I feel wrong being here. What are you talking about? +Stop it! I am! I am! I'm stopping it - slowly. You see! Look, I've stopped. Now we are going back. +No! No! No! Yes! Back! Back! Listen - don't you know where you are? +Yes! Back! Back! Listen - don't you know where you are? Where? +Where? We are in the Residence of the Fartsbishop of Salzburg. +We are in the Residence of the Fartsbishop of Salzburg. Fartsbishop! +Your Grace, I've got something to tell you. I want to complain about this man. Go ahead, tell him. Tell them all. They won't understand you anyway. +Go ahead, tell him. Tell them all. They won't understand you anyway. Why not? +Why not? Because here everything goes backwards. People walk backwards, dance backwards, sing backwards, and talk backwards. +Because here everything goes backwards. People walk backwards, dance backwards, sing backwards, and talk backwards. That's stupid. +That's stupid. Why? People fart backwards. +Why? People fart backwards. Do you think that's funny? +Do you think that's funny? Yes, I think it's brilliant. You've been doing it for years. +Oh, ha, ha, ha. Sra-I'm-sick! Sra-I'm sick! +Sra-I'm-sick! Sra-I'm sick! Yes, you are. You're very sick. +Yes, you are. You're very sick. No, no. Say it backwards, shit-wit. Sra-I'm-sick Say it backwards! +No, no. Say it backwards, shit-wit. Sra-I'm-sick Say it backwards! Sra-I'm-sick. Sick - kiss I'm - my Kiss my! Sra-I'm-sick - Kiss my arse! +Sra-I'm-sick. Sick - kiss I'm - my Kiss my! Sra-I'm-sick - Kiss my arse! Em iram! Em iram! +Em iram! Em iram! No, I'm not playing this game. +No, I'm not playing this game. No, this is serious. Say it backwards. +No, this is serious. Say it backwards. No! +No! Just say it - you'll see. It's very serious. Em iram! Em iram! +Just say it - you'll see. It's very serious. Em iram! Em iram! Iram - marry Em - marry me! No, no! You're a fiend. I'm not going to marry a fiend. A dirty fiend at that. +Iram - marry Em - marry me! No, no! You're a fiend. I'm not going to marry a fiend. A dirty fiend at that. Ui-vol-i-tub! +Ui-vol-i-tub! Tub - but i-tub - but I vol - love but I love ui - You. I love you! +Tish-I'm tee. What's that? What? +What? Tish-I'm-tee. +Tish-I'm-tee. Eat +Eat Yes. +Yes. Eat my - ah! +Excuse me, Wolfi. Mama is not feeling very well. Can we leave now? Of course. +I think you're mad! You're really mad! Oh, leave me alone. +Oh, leave me alone. One royal pupil and the whole of Vienna will come flocking. We'd be set up for life! +One royal pupil and the whole of Vienna will come flocking. We'd be set up for life! They'll come anyway. They love me here. +They'll come anyway. They love me here. No, they will not. I know how things work in this city. +No, they will not. I know how things work in this city. Oh yes? You always know everything. +Oh yes? You always know everything. Well, I'm not borrowing any more money from my mother, and that's that! +Well, I'm not borrowing any more money from my mother, and that's that! You borrowed money from your mother? +You borrowed money from your mother? Yes! +Yes! Well, don't do that again! +Well, don't do that again! How are we going to live, Wolfi? Do you want me to go into the streets and beg? +How are we going to live, Wolfi? Do you want me to go into the streets and beg? Don't be stupid. +Don't be stupid. All they want to see is your work. What's wrong with that? +All they want to see is your work. What's wrong with that? Shut up! Just shut up! I don't need them. +Shut up! Just shut up! I don't need them. This isn't pride. It's sheer stupidity! +Stop it now. Stop it. I've brought some friends to meet you. They're next door waiting. Do we have anything to eat? They're all starving. Tell them to go away. I don't want to see anybody. +Tell them to go away. I don't want to see anybody. What's the matter with you? +What's the matter with you? Tell them to go! +Tell them to go! Sssh. What is it? Tell me. +Sssh. What is it? Tell me. No! +No! Yes! +Yes! I love you! I love you! +My Stanzi - look at her! Isn't she beautiful? Come on now, confess, Papa. Could you want a prettier girl for a daughter? Stop it, Wolfi. I look dreadful. Welcome to our house, Herr Mozart. +Stop it, Wolfi. I look dreadful. Welcome to our house, Herr Mozart. He's not Herr Mozart. Call him Papa. +May I offer you some tea, Herr Mozart? Tea? Who wants tea? Let's go out! This calls for a feast. You don't want tea, Papa. Let's go dancing. Papa loves parties, don't you? +Tea? Who wants tea? Let's go out! This calls for a feast. You don't want tea, Papa. Let's go dancing. Papa loves parties, don't you? Wolfi! +Wolfi! What? How can you be so boring? Tea! +What? How can you be so boring? Tea! Wolfi, I think your father's tired. I'll cook us something here. +There's a young girl to see you. What does she want? +What does she want? I don't know. +I don't know. Well, ask her! +Well, ask her! She won't talk to me. She says she has to speak to you. +She won't talk to me. She says she has to speak to you. Oh, damn! +Look, old man, you stay out of this. We spend a fortune on you, more than we can possibly afford, and all you do is criticize, morning to night. And then you think you can - Stanzi! +Stanzi! No, it's right he should hear. I'm sick to death of it. We can't do anything right for you, can we? +We'll have a little party. Come in. Come in. You know Herr Schikaneder? This is! a very nice girl. Wolfi. +Wolfi. Yes, my love? +Yes, my love? These gentlemen are from Salzburg. +These gentlemen are from Salzburg. Salzburg. We were just talking about Salzburg. If you've come from my friend the Fartsbishop, you've arrived at just the right moment. Because I've got good news for him. I'm done with Vienna. It's over, finished, done with! Done with! Done with! +Salzburg. We were just talking about Salzburg. If you've come from my friend the Fartsbishop, you've arrived at just the right moment. Because I've got good news for him. I'm done with Vienna. It's over, finished, done with! Done with! Done with! Wolfi! Your father is dead. +Wolfi! Your father is dead. What? +What? Your father is dead. +Half the receipts! Stanzi! I'm talking about now. How much will you give him now? Down payment? +You're not going to do this? Why not? Half the house! +Why not? Half the house! When? We need money now. Either he pays now, or you don't do it. +When? We need money now. Either he pays now, or you don't do it. Oh, Stanzi. +Oh, Stanzi. I don't trust this man. And I didn't like what he did with your opera. It was common. +I don't trust this man. And I didn't like what he did with your opera. It was common. Well, you liked it, didn't you? Monkey-flunki-punki. +Well, you liked it, didn't you? Monkey-flunki-punki. Half the house! You'll never see a penny. I want it here, in my hand. +Half the house! You'll never see a penny. I want it here, in my hand. Stanzi-manzi, I'll put it in your hand! +Stanzi-manzi, I'll put it in your hand! Shut up! I'll not let you put anything in my hand until I see some money. +Who was that? No one. +No one. I heard voices. +What's that? Oh! Who gave you this? How much is it? Wolfi, who gave you this? I'm not telling you. +I'm not telling you. Why not? +Why not? You'd think I was mad. +No. Don't answer it! Why? +This is my wife, Stanzi. I've been sick, but I'm all right now. Aren't I? Oh yes, sir. He's all right. And he's working on it very hard. +Oh yes, sir. He's all right. And he's working on it very hard. Give me two more weeks. Please. +Give me one reason I can understand. I can't write it! +I can't write it! Why not? +Why not? It's killing me. +Go back to bed. Please! Let me sit here. Let me stay here with you. I promise I won't say all word. I'll just be here, so you know no one's going to hurt you. Please, please! +Excellency! Madame. How can I help you? +Frau Mozart? That's right, Your Excellency. I've come on behalf of my hus band. I'm - I'm bringing some samples of his work so he can be considered for the royal appointment. +That's right, Your Excellency. I've come on behalf of my hus band. I'm - I'm bringing some samples of his work so he can be considered for the royal appointment. How charming. But why did he not come himself? +How charming. But why did he not come himself? He's terribly busy, sir. +He's terribly busy, sir. I understand. +I will look at them, of course, the moment I can. It will be an honour. Please give him my warmest. Would it be too much trouble, sir, to ask you to look at them now? While I wait. +Would it be too much trouble, sir, to ask you to look at them now? While I wait. I'm afraid I'm not at leisure this very moment. Just leave them with me. I assure you they will be quite safe. +I'm afraid I'm not at leisure this very moment. Just leave them with me. I assure you they will be quite safe. I - I really cannot do that, Your Excellency. You see, he doesn't know I'm here. +I - I really cannot do that, Your Excellency. You see, he doesn't know I'm here. Really? +Really? My husband is a proud man, sir. He would be furious if he knew I'd come. +My husband is a proud man, sir. He would be furious if he knew I'd come. Then he didn't send you? +Then he didn't send you? No, sir. This is my own idea. +No, sir. This is my own idea. I see. +I see. Sir, we really need this job. We're desperate. My husband spends far more than he can ever earn. I don't mean he's lazy - he's not at all - he works all day long. It's just! he's not practical. Money simply slips through his fingers, it's really ridiculous, Your Excellency. I know you help musicians. You're famous for it. Give him just this one post. We'd be forever indebted! +Thank you very much, Your Excellency. Don't keep calling me that. It puts me at such a distance. I was not born a Court Composer, you know. I'm from a small town, just like your husband. +Are you sure you can't leave that music, and come back again? I have other things you might like. That's very tempting, but it's impossible, I'm afraid. Wolfi would be frantic if he found those were missing. You see, they're all originals. +That's very tempting, but it's impossible, I'm afraid. Wolfi would be frantic if he found those were missing. You see, they're all originals. Originals? +Originals? Yes. +These are originals? Yes, sir. He doesn't make copies. +It is miraculous. Oh yes. He's really proud of his work. +Tomorrow night I dine with the Emperor. One word from me and the post is his. Oh, thank you, sir! +Come back tonight. Tonight? +Tonight? Alone. +Alone. What for? +What for? Some service deserves service in return. No? +Some service deserves service in return. No? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Isn't it obvious? +It's a post all Vienna seeks. If you want it for your husband, come tonight. But! I'm a married woman! +But! I'm a married woman! Then don't. It's up to you. Not to be vague, that is the price. +I do apologize for this afternoon. I behaved like a silly girl. Where shall we go? What? +What? Should we stay here? It's a charming room. I love these candlesticks. Were they here earlier? I didn't notice them I suppose I was too nervous. +What are you doing here? Your husband is ill, ma'am. He took sick. I brought him home. +Your husband is ill, ma'am. He took sick. I brought him home. Why you? +Why you? I was at hand. +I was at hand. Well, thank you very much. You can go now. +Well, thank you very much. You can go now. He needs me, ma'am. +He needs me, ma'am. No, he doesn't. And I don't want you here. Just go, please. +No, he doesn't. And I don't want you here. Just go, please. He asked me to stay. +He asked me to stay. And I'm asking you - +This is not his handwriting. No. I was assisting him. He asked me. +No. I was assisting him. He asked me. He's not going to work on this anymore. It is making him ill. Please. +I regret we have no servants to show you out, Herr Salieri. Respect my wish and go. Madame, I will respect his. He asked me to stay here. +How much will you pay him? Ah. Well. Ah, I see you've got your manager with you. Well, Madame, how about half the receipts? +Am I interrupting something? Not at all. +Not at all. Where's our friend? +Where's our friend? He's not in. But he's working on it. He said to tell you. +He's not in. But he's working on it. He said to tell you. I hope so. I need it immediately. +Look, you little clown, do you know how many people I've hired for you? Do you know how many people are waiting? Leave him alone! +Leave him alone! I'm paying these people. Do you realize that? +I'm paying these people. Do you realize that? He's doing his best. +He's doing his best. I'm paying people just to wait for you. It's ridiculous! +I'm paying people just to wait for you. It's ridiculous! You know what's ridiculous? Your libretto, that's what's ridiculous. Only an idiot would ask Wolfi to work on that stuff! +You know what's ridiculous? Your libretto, that's what's ridiculous. Only an idiot would ask Wolfi to work on that stuff! Oh yes? And what's so intelligent about writing a Requiem? +Oh yes? And what's so intelligent about writing a Requiem? Money! Money! +Money! Money! You're mad! She's mad, Wolfi. +You're mad! She's mad, Wolfi. Oh yes, and who are you? He's worked for Kings. For the Emperor. Who are you? +I see that you're expecting. Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. When, may I ask? +When, may I ask? In three months! Papa. +What is ridiculous? Wolfi has many admirers in Vienna. They love him here. People send us gifts all the time. But you can't take her without reference. It's unheard of! +But you can't take her without reference. It's unheard of! Well, this is none of your business. Whoever sent you is going to pay, no? +And so you do! The only time you come out is to eat. And what do you expect? Who wants to walk out into a mess like this every day? +And what do you expect? Who wants to walk out into a mess like this every day? Oh, now I'm a bad housekeeper! +Oh, now I'm a bad housekeeper! So you are! The place is a pigsty all the time. +So you are! The place is a pigsty all the time. Do you hear him? Do you? +Be careful! Be careful! +He's adorable! Adorable! +Behold! Behold! +Hey! Hey! +Behold! Behold! +Let us pass, please! Let us pass at once! We're with the Emperor. I am sorry, Madame. It is not permitted. +I am sorry, Madame. It is not permitted. Do you know who I am? This is my daughter. I am Frau Weber. We are favoured guests! +Do you know who I am? This is my daughter. I am Frau Weber. We are favoured guests! I am sorry, Madame, but I have my orders. +I am sorry, Madame, but I have my orders. Call Herr Mozart! You call Herr Mozart immediately! This is insupportable! +I am sorry, Madame, but no! I cannot let anyone pass. Young man, I am no stranger to theatres. I'm no stranger to insolence! +Upstairs. Gertrude! +Gertrude! You can't be Herr Mozart! +I've heard about you for ages! I thought you must be an old man. Gertrude! +Gertrude! It's such an honour for us to have you here, Herr Mozart. And for Gertrude. +It's such an honour for us to have you here, Herr Mozart. And for Gertrude. People who know say the girl's got talent. You must judge for yourself. If you think she stinks, say so. +People who know say the girl's got talent. You must judge for yourself. If you think she stinks, say so. Michael, please! I'm sure you will find her most willing, Herr Mozart. She's really very excited. She's been preparing all morning. +I said play! Michael! +What a strange young man. Yes. He is a little strange. +Really? Ah, now! Here she comes. +Perhaps a little refreshment first? A little coffee, or a little chocolate? I'd like a little wine, if you have it. +I'd like a little wine, if you have it. Wine? +Just one year. Who was your teacher? +Who was your teacher? I was. But she quite outgrew the little I could show her. +I was. But she quite outgrew the little I could show her. Thank you, Madame. Come on now - courage. Play me something you know. +I think it is an interesting notion to keep Mozart in Vienna, Majesty. It should really infuriate the Archbishop beyond measure - if that is your Majesty's intention. You are cattivo, Court Composer. I want to meet this young man. Chamberlain, arrange a pleasant welcome for him. +What a charming idea. May I see? It's just a trifle, of course. +It's just a trifle, of course. May I try it? +May I try it? Majesty. +Delightful, Court Composer. Would you permit me to play it as he comes in? You do me too much honour, Sire. +You do me too much honour, Sire. Let's have some fun. Bring in Herr Mozart, please. But slowly, slowly. I need a minute to practice. +A-flat, Majesty. Ah-ha! +And here is our illustrious Court Composer, Herr Salieri. Finally! Such an immense joy. Diletto straordinario! +My pleasure. Well, there it is. Now to business. Young man, we are going to commission an opera from you. What do you say? +Well, I'm glad to hear that. Excuse me, Sire, but what do you think these could be? Being a foreigner, I would love to learn. +Excuse me, Sire, but what do you think these could be? Being a foreigner, I would love to learn. Cattivo again, Court Composer. Well, tell him, Mozart. Name us a German virtue. +Good morning, Court Composer. This is my niece, the Princess Elizabeth. Your Highness. +Oh, Your Majesty, it would be such a tremendous honour! I'm thinking about Herr Mozart. What is your view? +An interesting idea, Majesty. But - Yes? +Yes? You already commissioned an opera from Mozart. +You already commissioned an opera from Mozart. And the result satisfies. +And the result satisfies. Yes, of course. My concern is to protect you from any suspicion of favouritism. +Yes, of course. My concern is to protect you from any suspicion of favouritism. Ah-ha. Favouritism. But I so want Mozart. +Ah-ha. Favouritism. But I so want Mozart. I'm sure there is a way, Majesty. Some kind of a little contest. I could perhaps put together a small Committee, and I could see to it naturally that it will select according to Your Majesty's wishes. +I'm sure there is a way, Majesty. Some kind of a little contest. I could perhaps put together a small Committee, and I could see to it naturally that it will select according to Your Majesty's wishes. You please me, Court Composer. A very clever idea. +You please me, Court Composer. A very clever idea. Sire. +Sire. Well. There it is. +I don't think you understand me, Court Composer. Majesty, I did. Believe me, it was a most agonizing. decision. But finally, I simply could not recommend Herr Mozart. +Majesty, I did. Believe me, it was a most agonizing. decision. But finally, I simply could not recommend Herr Mozart. Why not? +Why not? Well, Sire, I made some inquiries in a routine way. I was curious to know why he had so few pupils. It is rather alarming. +Well, Sire, I made some inquiries in a routine way. I was curious to know why he had so few pupils. It is rather alarming. Oh? +Majesty, I don't like to talk against a fellow musician. Of course not. +Of course not. I have to tell you, Mozart is not entirely to be trusted alone with young ladies. +I have to tell you, Mozart is not entirely to be trusted alone with young ladies. Really? +Really? As a matter of fact, one of my own pupils - a very young singer - told me she was - er - well! +As a matter of fact, one of my own pupils - a very young singer - told me she was - er - well! Yes? +Yes? Molested, Majesty. Twice, in the course of the same lesson. +Do you like this, Salieri? It is not a question of liking, Your Majesty. Your own law decrees it, I'm afraid. +It is not a question of liking, Your Majesty. Your own law decrees it, I'm afraid. Well, look at them. +Your Majesty! No, no, please! It is not a holy relic. You know we have met already? In this very room. Perhaps you won't remember it, you were only six years old. He was giving the most brilliant little concert here. As he got off the stool, he slipped and fell. My sister Antoinette helped him up herself, and do you know what he did? Jumped straight into her arms and said, Will you marry me, yes or no? +Oh, thank you. The Director of our Opera. Count Orsini-Rosenberg. +The Director of our Opera. Count Orsini-Rosenberg. Oh sir, yes! The honour is mine. Absolutely. +And now he has returned the compliment. Herr Salieri composed that March of Welcome for you. Really? Oh, grazie, Signore! Sono commosso! E un onore per mo eccezionale. Compositore brilliante e famossissimo! +Majesty! Did we vote in the end for German or Italian? +Why so? Because I've already found the most wonderful libretto! +Well, what is it about? Tell us the story. It's actually quite amusing, Majesty. It's set - the whole thing is set in a - in a - +Yes, where? In a Pasha's Harem, Majesty. A Seraglio. +In a Pasha's Harem, Majesty. A Seraglio. Ah-ha. +Keep it, Sire, if you want to. It is already here in my head. What? On one hearing only? +What? On one hearing only? I think so, Sire, yes. +It is new, it is, isn't it, Sire? Yes, indeed. +Yes, indeed. And German? +And German? Oh, yes. Absolutely. German. Unquestionably! +Oh, yes. Absolutely. German. Unquestionably! So then you like it? You really like it, Your Majesty? +So then you like it? You really like it, Your Majesty? Of course I do. It's very good. Of course now and then - just now and then - it gets a touch elaborate. +Of course I do. It's very good. Of course now and then - just now and then - it gets a touch elaborate. What do you mean, Sire? +What do you mean, Sire? Well, I mean occasionally it seems to have, how shall one say? How shall one say, Director? +I don't understand. There are just as many notes, Majesty, as are required. Neither more nor less. My dear fellow, there are in fact only so many notes the ear can hear in the course of an evening. I think I'm right in saying that, aren't I, Court Composer? +My dear, young man, don't take it too hard. Your work is ingenious. It's quality work. And there are simply too many notes, that's all. Cut a few and it will be perfect. Which few did you have in mind, Majesty? +Majesty, this is Madame Weber. She is my landlady. Enchanted, Madame. +Really? How delightful. May I ask when you marry? Well - Well we haven't quite received my father's consent, Your Majesty. Not entirely. Not altogether. +Excuse me, but how old are you? Twenty-six. +Twenty-six. Well, my advice is to marry this charming young lady and stay with us in Vienna. +Bravo, Mozart. Most charming. Yes, indeed. Clever man. Thank you, Sire! +Majesty, may I ask you to do me the greatest favour? What is it? +What is it? May I introduce my father? He is on a short visit here and returning very soon to Salzburg. He would so much like to kiss your hand. It would make his whole stay so memorable for him. +May I introduce my father? He is on a short visit here and returning very soon to Salzburg. He would so much like to kiss your hand. It would make his whole stay so memorable for him. Ah! By all means. +Mozart, are you aware I have declared the French play of Figaro unsuitable for our theatre? Yes, Sire. +Yes, Sire. Yet we hear you are making an opera from it. Is this true? +Yet we hear you are making an opera from it. Is this true? Who told you this, Majesty? +Who told you this, Majesty? It is not your place to ask questions. Is it true? +It is not your place to ask questions. Is it true? Well, yes, I admit it is. +Well, yes, I admit it is. Would you tell me why? +Would you tell me why? Well, Majesty, it is only a comedy. +Mozart, I am a tolerant man. I do not censor things lightly. When I do, I have good reason. Figaro is a bad play. It stirs up hatred between the classes. In France it has caused nothing but bitterness. My own dear sister Antoinette writes me that she is beginning to be frightened of her own people. I do not wish to see the same fears starting here. Sire, I swear to Your Majesty, there's nothing like that in the story. I have taken out everything that could give offense. I hate politics. +Sire, I swear to Your Majesty, there's nothing like that in the story. I have taken out everything that could give offense. I hate politics. I think you are rather innocent, my friend. In these dangerous times I cannot afford to provoke our nobles or our people simply over a theatre piece. +But, Majesty, this is just a frolic. It's a piece about love. Ah, love again. +Ah, love again. But it's new, it's entirely new. It's so new, people will go mad for it. For example, I have a scene in the second act - it starts as a duet, just a man and wife quarreling. Suddenly the wife's scheming little maid comes in unexpectedly - a very funny situation. Duet turns into trio. Then the husband's equally screaming valet comes in. Trio turns into quartet. Then a stupid old gardener - quartet becomes quintet, and so on. On and on, sextet, septet, octet! How long do you think I can sustain that? +But it's new, it's entirely new. It's so new, people will go mad for it. For example, I have a scene in the second act - it starts as a duet, just a man and wife quarreling. Suddenly the wife's scheming little maid comes in unexpectedly - a very funny situation. Duet turns into trio. Then the husband's equally screaming valet comes in. Trio turns into quartet. Then a stupid old gardener - quartet becomes quintet, and so on. On and on, sextet, septet, octet! How long do you think I can sustain that? I have no idea. +I have no idea. Guess! Guess, Majesty. Imagine the longest time such a thing could last, then double it. +Guess! Guess, Majesty. Imagine the longest time such a thing could last, then double it. Well, six or seven minutes! maybe eight! +Well, six or seven minutes! maybe eight! Twenty, sire! How about twenty? Twenty minutes of continuous music. No recitatives. +Forgive me, Majesty. I'm a vulgar man. But I assure you, my music is not. You are passionate, Mozart! But you do not persuade. +You are passionate, Mozart! But you do not persuade. Sire, the whole opera is finished. Do you know how much work went into it? +Ah-ha. Well then, we should make some effort to acquire him. We could use a good German composer in Vienna, surely? I agree, Majesty, but I'm afraid it's not possible. The young man is still in the pay of the Archbishop. +I agree, Majesty, but I'm afraid it's not possible. The young man is still in the pay of the Archbishop. Very small pay, I imagine. I'm sure he could be tempted with the right offer. Say, an opera in German for our National Theatre. +Ah-ha. What do you say, Chamberlain? In my opinion, it is time we had a piece in our own language, sir. Plain German. For plain people. +Yes, sir. Well. There it is. +Well, what do you have for me today? Your Majesty, Herr Mozart - +Your Majesty, Herr Mozart - Yes, what about him? +Yes, what about him? He's here. +He's here. Ah-ha. Well. There it is. Good. +I write to you with urgent news. I am coming to Vienna. Take no further steps toward marriage until we meet. You are too gullible to see your own danger. As you honour the father who has devoted his entire life to yours, do as I bid, and await my coming. I will. +Why are you here? Am I not welcome? +Am I not welcome? Of course, welcome! Welcome ten thousand times. Papa! my Papa! +Feed? Well, of course she feeds me. She stuffs me like a goose all day long. She's the best cook in the world. I mean, since Mama. Just wait, you'll see. Is she not here? +Is she not here? I don't know. Stanzi? Stanzi! +Do you always live like this? Oh, yes. Oh, I mean no - not exactly like this. I mean today - just today, Stanzi - I remember now. She had to go - yes! She had to help her mother. Yes, she's like that. Her mother's a very sweet woman, you'll see. +She's very tired, poor creature. You know me: I'm a real pig. It's not so easy cleaning up after me. Don't you have a maid? +Don't you have a maid? Oh we could, if we wanted to, but Stanzi won't hear of it. She wants to do everything herself. +Oh we could, if we wanted to, but Stanzi won't hear of it. She wants to do everything herself. How is your financial situation? +How is your financial situation? It couldn't be better. +It couldn't be better. That's not what I hear. +That's not what I hear. What do you mean? It's wonderful. Really, it's - it's marvelous! People love me here. +What do you mean? It's wonderful. Really, it's - it's marvelous! People love me here. They say you're in debt. +They say you're in debt. Who? Who says that? Now that's a malicious lie! +Who? Who says that? Now that's a malicious lie! How many pupils do you have? +How many pupils do you have? Pupils? +Pupils? Yes. +Yes. Yes. +Yes. How many? +How many? I don't know. It's not important. I mean, I don't want pupils. They get in the way. I've got to have time for composition. +I don't know. It's not important. I mean, I don't want pupils. They get in the way. I've got to have time for composition. Composition doesn't pay. You know that. +Composition doesn't pay. You know that. This one will. +What's that? Oh, let's not talk about it. +Oh, let's not talk about it. Why not? +Why not? It's a secret. +It's a secret. You don't have secrets from me. +You don't have secrets from me. It's too dangerous, Papa. But they're going to love it. Ah, there she is! +Isn't that marvelous? We're delighted. Why didn't you mention it in your letters? +Why didn't you mention it in your letters? Didn't I? I thought I did. I'm sure I did. +Thank you. That'll be fine. Don't spend any money on me. Why not? Oh, come, Papa! What better way could I spend it than on you? My kissable, missable, suddenly visible Papa! +No, really! This is just a game, Papa. +Yes, Papa, name it. Name it. I'll do anything you say! I want you to come back with me to Salzburg, my son. +I'm tired of this game. Please play without me. But my penalty. I've got to have a penalty. +Papa, is this your idea? Mine? +Are you playing a trick on me? I never saw this girl in my life. Is this a kind of joke? +Never mind. You won't have to do anything for me ever again. I'm leaving! Papa! +Papa! Don't worry, I'm not staying here to be a burden. +Don't worry, I'm not staying here to be a burden. No one calls you that. +No one calls you that. She does. She says I sleep all day. +Father - Hush! I'm talking to His Majesty. Your Majesty, I wish to express only one thing - that you who are the Father of us all, could teach our children the gratitude they owe to fathers. It is not for nothing that the Fifth Commandment tells us: 'Honour your Father and Mother, that your days may be long upon the earth.' +Ah! Here she comes. Fraulein Lorl, good morning. Good morning, sir. +Good morning, sir. What have you got for me today? Let me see. +Ah-ha! Siena macaroons - my favourites. Give my best thanks to the baker. I will, sir. +Thank you. Are you well today, Fraulein Lorl? Yes, thank you, sir. +Yes, thank you, sir. Bene! Bene! +Madame Cavalieri is here for her lesson, sir. Bene. +Oh, thank you, sir. Do any pupils come to the house? +Do any pupils come to the house? Not that I've seen. +Not that I've seen. Then how does he pay for all this? Does he work at all? +Then how does he pay for all this? Does he work at all? Oh, yes, sir, all day long. He never leaves the house until evening. He just sits there, writing and writing. He doesn't even eat. +Oh, yes, sir, all day long. He never leaves the house until evening. He just sits there, writing and writing. He doesn't even eat. Really? What is it he's writing? +Really? What is it he's writing? Oh, I wouldn't know that, sir. +Oh, I wouldn't know that, sir. Of course not. You're a good girl. You're very kind to do this. Next time you're sure they'll be out of the house, let me know, will you? +I think I've found out about the money, sir. Yes what? +Where does he work? In there, sir. +Now calm yourself. Calm. What's the matter with you? I'm leaving. I'm not working there anymore. I'm scared! +I'm leaving. I'm not working there anymore. I'm scared! Why? What has happened? +Why? What has happened? You don't know what it's like. Herr Mozart frightens me. He drinks all day, then takes all that medicine and it makes him worse. +You don't know what it's like. Herr Mozart frightens me. He drinks all day, then takes all that medicine and it makes him worse. What medicine? +What medicine? I don't know. He has pains. +I don't know. He has pains. Where? +Where? Here, in his stomach. They bend him right over. +Here, in his stomach. They bend him right over. Is he working? +Is he working? I'm frightened, sir. Really! When he speaks, he doesn't make any sense. You know he said he saw - he said he saw his father. And his father's dead. +I'm frightened, sir. Really! When he speaks, he doesn't make any sense. You know he said he saw - he said he saw his father. And his father's dead. Is he working? +Is he working? I suppose so. He sits there all he time, doing some silly opera. +I suppose so. He sits there all he time, doing some silly opera. Opera? Opera! +Opera? Opera! Please don't ask me to go back again. I'm frightened! I'm very, very frightened. +Please don't ask me to go back again. I'm frightened! I'm very, very frightened. Are you sure it's an opera? +Yes? Are you Herr Mozart? +Are you Herr Mozart? That's right. +That's right. My name is Lorl, sir. I'm a maidservant. I was asked to come here and offer my services to you. +My name is Lorl, sir. I'm a maidservant. I was asked to come here and offer my services to you. What? +What? They'll be paid for by a great admirer or yours who wishes to remain anon - anonymous. +Are you saying that someone is paying you to be our maid and doesn't want us to know who he is? Yes. I can live in or out just as you wish. +Sssh! Stanzi-Manzi-Banzi-Wanzi! +Stanzi-Manzi-Banzi-Wanzi! Sssh! Stay here. +What did he say? What did he say? Papa, the rule is you can only give penalties that can be performed in the room. +Well? Sublime! Utterly sublime! +Sublime! Utterly sublime! That kind of music should be punishable by death. +Wonderful! He liked the monkey, didn't you? Yes, well, it's all good fun. +Yes, well, it's all good fun. I liked the horse. +Isn't he marvelous? He cost me a bundle, that horse, but he's worth it. I tell you, if you'd played Don Giovanni here it would have been a great success. I'm not joking. These people aren't fools. You could do something marvelous for them. I'd like to try them someday. I'm not sure I'd be much good at it. +I'd like to try them someday. I'm not sure I'd be much good at it. 'Course you would. You belong here, my boy, not the snobby Court. You could do anything you felt like here - the more fantastic the better! That's what people want, you know: fantasy. You do a big production, fill it with beautiful magic tricks and you'll be absolutely free to do anything you want. Of course, you'd have to put a fire in it, because I've got the best fire machine in the city and a big flood - I can do you the finest water effects you ever saw in your life. Oh, and a few trick animals. You'd have to use those. +'Course you would. You belong here, my boy, not the snobby Court. You could do anything you felt like here - the more fantastic the better! That's what people want, you know: fantasy. You do a big production, fill it with beautiful magic tricks and you'll be absolutely free to do anything you want. Of course, you'd have to put a fire in it, because I've got the best fire machine in the city and a big flood - I can do you the finest water effects you ever saw in your life. Oh, and a few trick animals. You'd have to use those. Animals? +Animals? I tell you I picked up a snake in Dresden last week - twelve foot long - folds up to six inches, just like a paper fan. It's a miracle. +I'm serious. You write a proper part for me with a couple of catchy songs, I'll guarantee you'll have a triumph- de-luxe. Mind you, it'll have to be in German. German! +German! Of course! What else do you think they speak here? +Of course! What else do you think they speak here? No, no, I love that. I'd want it to be in German. I haven't done anything in German since Seraglio. +No, no, I love that. I'd want it to be in German. I haven't done anything in German since Seraglio. So there you are. What do you say? +Leave that alone! Wolfi! +Wolfi! Put it down! +Put it down! What is this? +What is this? Put it down, I said! It's nothing for you. +Put it down, I said! It's nothing for you. Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! What have you got for me? Is it finished? +Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! What have you got for me? Is it finished? What? +What? What? The vaudeville, what'd you think? +What? The vaudeville, what'd you think? Yes. +Yes. Can I see it? +Can I see it? No. +No. Why not? +Why not? Because there's nothing to see. +Look, I asked you if we could start rehearsal next week and you said yes. Well, we can. +Well, we can. So let me see it. Where is it? +Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Down there, damn you. Welcome to you. Pay no attention, they're impossible. Stop it, you willful things! Come this way. Just ignore them. They're perfectly harmless, just willful. I treat them just like my own children. And which one of them do you want me to teach? +And which one of them do you want me to teach? What? Ha-ha! That's funny - I like it. Which one, eh? You're a funny fellow. Hannah! Come this way. +You won't be teaching this one either. She's my wife. Madame. +Madame. This is Herr Mozart, my dear. The young man Herr Salieri recommended to teach our Gertrude. Where is she? +I'm afraid I am. Of course, it's him. Who do you think it is? +Good morning, Fraulein Schlumberg. Strudel, this is Herr Mozart. Say good morning. +Never mind, Strudel. It's part of music, getting used to an audience. Aren't I right, Herr Mozart? Well, yes! on the whole. I suppose. How long have you been playing, Fraulein? +It's a miracle, Herr Mozart! Well, I'm a good teacher. The next time you wish me to instruct another of your dogs, please let me know. Goodbye, Fraulein, goodbye, Madame! goodbye, Sir! +Herr Mozart. What a surprise. What can I do for you? Is my pupil still anxious to learn the art of music? +Is my pupil still anxious to learn the art of music? Well, your pupil is married and living in Mannheim, young man. +Well, your pupil is married and living in Mannheim, young man. Really? Perhaps your dear wife might care to profit from my instruction? +Really? Perhaps your dear wife might care to profit from my instruction? What is this, Mozart? What's the matter with you? +What is this, Mozart? What's the matter with you? Well. Since it appears nobody is eager to hire my services, could you favour me with a little money instead? +Well. Since it appears nobody is eager to hire my services, could you favour me with a little money instead? What for? +What for? If a man cannot earn, he must borrow. +If a man cannot earn, he must borrow. Well, this is hardly the way to go about it. +Well, this is hardly the way to go about it. No doubt, sir. But I am endowed with talent, and you with money. If I offer mine, you should offer yours. +I'm sorry. No. Please. I'll give it back, I promise. Please, sir. +Please. I'll give it back, I promise. Please, sir. My answer is no, Mozart. +I know your work well, Signore. Do you know I actually composed some variations on a melody of yours? Really? +Really? Mio caro Adone. +Mio caro Adone. Ah! +Ah! A funny little tune, but it yielded some good things. +Love, Sire! Ah, love! Well of course in Italy we know nothing about that. +Yes! yes! er, on the whole, yes, Majesty. But this is absurd! +Dear Mozart, my sincere congratulations. Did you like it, then? +Did you like it, then? How could I not? +How could I not? It really is the best music one can hear in Vienna today. Don't you agree? +Herr Mozart, what brings you here? Your Excellency, you requested some specimens of my work. Here they are. I don't have to tell you how much I need your help. I truly appreciate your looking at these. I have pressures on me - financial pressures. As you know, I'm a married man now. +Your Excellency, you requested some specimens of my work. Here they are. I don't have to tell you how much I need your help. I truly appreciate your looking at these. I have pressures on me - financial pressures. As you know, I'm a married man now. So you are. How is your pretty wife? +So you are. How is your pretty wife? She is well. She is - well, actually, I'm about to become a father! She only told me last night. You are the first to know. +She is well. She is - well, actually, I'm about to become a father! She only told me last night. You are the first to know. I'm flattered. And congratulations to you, of course. +I'm flattered. And congratulations to you, of course. So you see, this post is very important to me right now. +Why didn't you come to me yesterday, Mozart? This is a most painful situation. Yesterday I could have helped you. Today, I can't. Why? Here is the music. It's here. I am submitting it humbly. Isn't that what you wanted? +Why? Here is the music. It's here. I am submitting it humbly. Isn't that what you wanted? I have just come from the palace. The post has been filled. +I have just come from the palace. The post has been filled. Filled? That's impossible! They haven't even seen my work. I need this post. Please, can't you help me? Please! +Filled? That's impossible! They haven't even seen my work. I need this post. Please, can't you help me? Please! My dear Mozart, there is no one in the world I would rather help, but now it is too late. +My dear Mozart, there is no one in the world I would rather help, but now it is too late. Whom did they choose? +Whom did they choose? Herr Sommer. +Herr Sommer. Sommer? Herr Sommer? But the man's a fool! He's a total mediocrity. +Sommer? Herr Sommer? But the man's a fool! He's a total mediocrity. No, no, no: he has yet to achieve mediocrity. +No, no, no: he has yet to achieve mediocrity. But I can't lose this post, I simply can't! Excellency, please. Let's go to the palace, and you can explain to the Emperor that Herr Sommer is an awful choice. He could actually do musical harm to the Princess! +But I can't lose this post, I simply can't! Excellency, please. Let's go to the palace, and you can explain to the Emperor that Herr Sommer is an awful choice. He could actually do musical harm to the Princess! An implausible idea. Between you and me, no one in the world could do musical harm to the Princess Elizabeth. +Look, I must have pupils. Without pupils I can't manage. You don't mean to tell me you are living in poverty? +You don't mean to tell me you are living in poverty? No, but I'm broke. I'm always broke. I don't know why. +No, but I'm broke. I'm always broke. I don't know why. It has been said, my friend, that you are inclined to live somewhat above your means. +It has been said, my friend, that you are inclined to live somewhat above your means. How can anyone say that? We have no cook, no maid. We have no footman. Nothing at all! +How can anyone say that? We have no cook, no maid. We have no footman. Nothing at all! How is that possible? You give concerts, don't you? I hear they are quite successful. +How is that possible? You give concerts, don't you? I hear they are quite successful. They're stupendously successful. You can't get a seat. The only problem is none will hire me. They all want to hear me play, but they won't let me teach their daughters. As if I was some kind of fiend. I'm not a fiend! +They're stupendously successful. You can't get a seat. The only problem is none will hire me. They all want to hear me play, but they won't let me teach their daughters. As if I was some kind of fiend. I'm not a fiend! Of course not. +Of course not. Do you have a daughter? +Do you have a daughter? I'm afraid not. +I'm afraid not. Well, could you lend me some money till you have one? Then I'll teach her for free. That's a promise. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being silly. Papa's right - I should put a padlock on my mouth. Seriously, is there any chance you could manage a loan? Only for six months, eight at most. After that I'll be the richest man in Vienna. I'll pay you back double. Anything. Name your terms. I'm not joking. I'm working on something that's going to explode like a bomb all over Europe! +Well, could you lend me some money till you have one? Then I'll teach her for free. That's a promise. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being silly. Papa's right - I should put a padlock on my mouth. Seriously, is there any chance you could manage a loan? Only for six months, eight at most. After that I'll be the richest man in Vienna. I'll pay you back double. Anything. Name your terms. I'm not joking. I'm working on something that's going to explode like a bomb all over Europe! Ah, how exciting! Tell me more. +Ah, how exciting! Tell me more. I'd better not. It's a bit of a secret. +I'd better not. It's a bit of a secret. Come, come, Mozart; I'm interested. Truly. +Come, come, Mozart; I'm interested. Truly. Actually, it's a big secret. Oh, this is delicious! What is it? +Actually, it's a big secret. Oh, this is delicious! What is it? Cream cheese mixed with granulated sugar and suffused with rum. Crema al Mascarpone. +Cream cheese mixed with granulated sugar and suffused with rum. Crema al Mascarpone. Ah. Italian? +Ah. Italian? Forgive me. We all have patriotic feelings of some kind. +Forgive me. We all have patriotic feelings of some kind. Two thousand, two hundred florins is all I need A hundred? Fifty? +Two thousand, two hundred florins is all I need A hundred? Fifty? What exactly are you working on? +What exactly are you working on? I can't say. Really +I can't say. Really I don't think you should become known in Vienna as a debtor, Mozart. However, I know a very distinguished gentleman I could recommend to you. And he has a daughter. Will that do? +Wolfgang, what is it? Sta calmo, per favore. What's the matter? It's unbelievable! The Director has actually ripped out a huge section of my music. Pages of it. +It's unbelievable! The Director has actually ripped out a huge section of my music. Pages of it. Really? Why? +Really? Why? I don't know. They say I've got to re-write the opera, but it's perfect as it is. I can't rewrite what's perfect. Can't you talk to him? +I don't know. They say I've got to re-write the opera, but it's perfect as it is. I can't rewrite what's perfect. Can't you talk to him? Why bother with Orsini-Rosenberg? He's obviously no friend of yours. +Why bother with Orsini-Rosenberg? He's obviously no friend of yours. Oh, I could kill him! I mean really kill him. I actually threw the entire opera on the fire, he made me so angry! +Oh, I could kill him! I mean really kill him. I actually threw the entire opera on the fire, he made me so angry! You burned the score? +You burned the score? Oh no! My wife took it out in time. +Oh no! My wife took it out in time. How fortunate. +How fortunate. It's not fair that a man like that has power over our work. +It's not fair that a man like that has power over our work. But there are those who have power over him. I think I'll take this up with the Emperor. +But there are those who have power over him. I think I'll take this up with the Emperor. Oh, Excellency, would you? +Oh, Excellency, would you? With all my heart, Mozart. +With all my heart, Mozart. Thank you! Oh, thank you. +Nine performances! Nine! That's all it's had - and withdrawn. I know; it's outrageous. Still, if the public doesn't like one's work one has to accept the fact gracefully. +I know; it's outrageous. Still, if the public doesn't like one's work one has to accept the fact gracefully. But what is it they don't like? +But what is it they don't like? Well, I can speak for the Emperor. You made too many demands on the royal ear. The poor man can't concentrate for more than an hour and you gave him four. +Well, I can speak for the Emperor. You made too many demands on the royal ear. The poor man can't concentrate for more than an hour and you gave him four. What did you think of it yourself? Did you like it at all? +What did you think of it yourself? Did you like it at all? I think it's marvelous. Truly. +I think it's marvelous. Truly. It's the best opera yet written. I know it! Why didn't they come? +It's the best opera yet written. I know it! Why didn't they come? I think you overestimate our dear Viennese, my friend. Do you know you didn't even give them a good bang at the end of songs so they knew when to clap? +I think you overestimate our dear Viennese, my friend. Do you know you didn't even give them a good bang at the end of songs so they knew when to clap? I know, I know. Perhaps you should give me some lessons in that. +I know, I know. Perhaps you should give me some lessons in that. I wouldn't presume. All the same, if it wouldn't be imposing, I would like you to see my new piece. It would be a tremendous honour for me. +I wouldn't presume. All the same, if it wouldn't be imposing, I would like you to see my new piece. It would be a tremendous honour for me. Oh no, the honour would be all mine. +Oh no, the honour would be all mine. Grazie, mio caro, Wolfgang! +Grazie, mio caro, Wolfgang! Grazie, a lei, Signor Antonio! +Mozart. It was good of you to come. How could I not? +How could I not? Did my work please you? +Did my work please you? How could it not, Excellency? +How could it not, Excellency? Yes? +Yes? I never knew that music like that was possible. +I never knew that music like that was possible. You flatter me. +You flatter me. Oh no! One hears such sounds and what can one say, but - Salieri! +I have come to commission work from you. What work? +What work? A Mass for the dead. +A Mass for the dead. What dead? Who is dead? +What dead? Who is dead? A man who deserved a Requiem Mass and never got one. +A man who deserved a Requiem Mass and never got one. Who are you? +Who are you? I am only a messenger. Do you accept? You will be paid well. +I am only a messenger. Do you accept? You will be paid well. How much? +How long will you give me? Work fast. And be sure to tell no one what you do. You will see me again soon. +I don't have it yet. It's not finished. I'm sorry, but I need more time. Are you neglecting my request? +Are you neglecting my request? No, no! I promise you, I'll give you a wonderful piece - the best I ever can! +What happened? Is it over? I'm taking you home. You're not well. +I'm taking you home. You're not well. No, no. I have to get back. I have - +Where is your wife? Not here! She's not well, either. She went to the Spa. +Not here! She's not well, either. She went to the Spa. You mean she's not coming back? +You mean she's not coming back? You're so good to me. Truly. Thank you. +You're so good to me. Truly. Thank you. No, please. +No, please. I mean to come to my opera. You are the only colleague who did. +I would never miss anything that you had written. You must know that. This is only a vaudeville. +This is only a vaudeville. Oh no. It is a sublime piece. The grandest operone. I tell you, you are the greatest composer known to me. +Oh no. It is a sublime piece. The grandest operone. I tell you, you are the greatest composer known to me. Do you mean that? +Do you mean that? I do. +I do. I have bad fancies. I don't sleep well anymore. Then I drink too much, and think stupid things. +I have bad fancies. I don't sleep well anymore. Then I drink too much, and think stupid things. Are you ill? +Are you ill? The doctor thinks I am. But - +The doctor thinks I am. But - What? +What? I'm too young to be so sick. +Shall I answer it? No! No, it's him! +No! No, it's him! Who? +Who? The man. He's here. +The man. He's here. What man? +Wait! Ask him if he'd give me some money now. Tell him if he would, that would help me finish it. Finish what? +Finish what? He knows. He knows! +Another? But that's too soon! Tomorrow night? It's impossible! Did he say a hundred? Yes. Can I - could I help you, in any way? +Yes. Can I - could I help you, in any way? Would you? Actually, you could. +Would you? Actually, you could. My dear friend, it would be my greatest pleasure. +My dear friend, it would be my greatest pleasure. But you'd have to swear not to tell a soul. I'm not allowed. +But you'd have to swear not to tell a soul. I'm not allowed. Of course. +Of course. You know, it's all here in my head. It's just ready to be set down. But when I'm dizzy like this my eyes won't focus. I can't write. +You know, it's all here in my head. It's just ready to be set down. But when I'm dizzy like this my eyes won't focus. I can't write. Then, let us try together. I'd regard it as such an honour. Tell me, what is this work? +Then, let us try together. I'd regard it as such an honour. Tell me, what is this work? A Mass. A Mass for the Dead. +Where did I stop? The end of the Recordare - Statuens in parte dextra. +The end of the Recordare - Statuens in parte dextra. So now the Confutatis. Confutatis Maledictis. When the wicked are confounded. Flammis acribus addictis. How would you translate that? +So now the Confutatis. Confutatis Maledictis. When the wicked are confounded. Flammis acribus addictis. How would you translate that? Consigned to flames of woe. +Consigned to flames of woe. Do you believe in it? +Do you believe in it? What? +What? A fire which never dies. Burning one forever? +A fire which never dies. Burning one forever? Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. Strange! +Strange! Come. Let's begin. +Confutatis Maledictis. We ended in F Major? +We ended in F Major? Yes. +Yes. So now - A minor. Suddenly. +The Fire. What time? +What time? Common time. +Start with the voices. Basses first. Second beat of the first measure - A. Con-fu-ta-tis. Second measure, second beat. Ma-le-dic-tis. G-sharp, of course. Yes. +Yes. Third measure, second beat starting on E. Flam-mis a-cri-bus ad-dic-tis. And fourth measure, fourth beat - D. Ma-le-dic-tis, flam-mis a-cri-bus ad- dic-tis. Do you have that? +Third measure, second beat starting on E. Flam-mis a-cri-bus ad-dic-tis. And fourth measure, fourth beat - D. Ma-le-dic-tis, flam-mis a-cri-bus ad- dic-tis. Do you have that? I think so. +I think so. Sing it back. +Good. Now the tenors. Fourth beat of the first measure - C. Con-fu-ta-tis. Second measure, fourth beat on D. Ma-le-dic-tis. All right? Yes. +Yes. Fourth measure, second beat - F. Flam-mis a-cri-bus ad-dic-tis, flam- mis a-cri-bus ad-dic-tis. +Now the orchestra. Second bassoon and bass trombone with the basses. Identical notes and rhythm. The first bassoon and tenor trombone - Please! Just one moment. +It couldn't be simpler. First bassoon and tenor trombone - what? +First bassoon and tenor trombone - what? With the tenors. +With the tenors. Also identical? +Also identical? Exactly. The instruments to go with the voices. Trumpets and timpani, tonic and dominant. +And that's all? Oh no. Now for the Fire. Strings in unison - ostinato on all - like this. +Do you have me? I think so. +I think so. Show me. +That's wonderful! Yes, yes - go on. The Voca Me. Suddenly sotto voce. Write that down: sotto voce, pianissimo. Voca me cum benedictis. Call me among the blessed. +C Major. Sopranos and altos in thirds. Altos on C. Sopranos above. Vo-ca, vo-ca me, vo-ca me cum be-ne- dic-tis. Sopranos up to F on the second 'Voca'? +Sopranos up to F on the second 'Voca'? Yes, and on 'dictis'. +Yes, and on 'dictis'. Yes! +And that's it. Do you have it? You go fast! +You go fast! Do you have it? +Do you have it? Yes. +Yes. Then let me hear it. All of it. The whole thing from the beginning - now! +Do you want to rest a bit? Oh no. I'm not tired at all. +Oh no. I'm not tired at all. We'll stop for just a moment. Then we'll do the Lacrimosa. +We'll stop for just a moment. Then we'll do the Lacrimosa. I can keep going, I assure you. Shall we try? +I can keep going, I assure you. Shall we try? Would you stay with me while I sleep a little? +Would you stay with me while I sleep a little? I'm not leaving you. +I'm not leaving you. I am so ashamed. +I am so ashamed. What for? +What for? I was foolish. I thought you did not care for my work - or me. Forgive me. Forgive me! +Oh? Have I seen it? I - I don't think you have, Herr Director. Not yet. I mean, it's quite n - Of course, I'll show it to you immediately. +I - I don't think you have, Herr Director. Not yet. I mean, it's quite n - Of course, I'll show it to you immediately. I think you'd better. +You mean in Turkey? Exactly. +Exactly. Then why especially does it have to be in German? +Then why especially does it have to be in German? Well not especially. It can be in Turkish, if you really want. I don't care. +What you think, Mozart, is scarcely the point. It is what His Majesty thinks that counts. But, Your Majesty - +That will do, Herr Mozart! Just let me tell you how it begins. +Mozart! Herr Mozart, may I have a word with you please. Right away. Certainly, Herr Director. +Did you not know that His Majesty has expressly forbidden ballet in his operas? Yes, but this is not a ballet. This is a dance at Figaro's wedding. +Yes, but this is not a ballet. This is a dance at Figaro's wedding. Exactly. A dance. +Exactly. A dance. But surely the Emperor didn't mean to prohibit dancing when it's part of the story. +But surely the Emperor didn't mean to prohibit dancing when it's part of the story. It is dangerous for you to interpret His Majesty's edicts. Give me your score, please. +What are you doing, Herr Director? Taking out what you should never have put in. +Can we see the scene with the music back, please? Oh yes, certainly. Certainly, Herr Director! +What is this, Herr Chamberlain? What is what? +What is what? Why do I have to submit samples of my work to some stupid committee? Just to teach a sixteen-year-old girl. +Why do I have to submit samples of my work to some stupid committee? Just to teach a sixteen-year-old girl. Because His Majesty wishes it. +Because His Majesty wishes it. Is the Emperor angry with me? +Is the Emperor angry with me? On the contrary. +On the contrary. Then why doesn't he simply appoint me to the post? +Then why doesn't he simply appoint me to the post? Mozart, you are not the only composer in Vienna. +Mozart, you are not the only composer in Vienna. No, but I'm the best. +No, but I'm the best. A little modesty would suit you better. +A little modesty would suit you better. Who is on this committee? +Who is on this committee? Kapellmeister Bonno, Count Orsini- Rosenberg and Court Composer Salieri. +Kapellmeister Bonno, Count Orsini- Rosenberg and Court Composer Salieri. Naturally, the Italians! Of course! Always the Italians! +Naturally, the Italians! Of course! Always the Italians! Mozart - +Mozart - They hate my music. It terrifies them. The only sound Italians understand is banality. Tonic and dominant, tonic and dominant, from here to Resurrection! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Anything else is morbid. +They hate my music. It terrifies them. The only sound Italians understand is banality. Tonic and dominant, tonic and dominant, from here to Resurrection! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Anything else is morbid. Mozart - +Mozart - Show them one interesting modulation and they faint. Ohime! Morbidezza! Morbidezza! Italians are musical idiots and you want them to judge my music! +Show them one interesting modulation and they faint. Ohime! Morbidezza! Morbidezza! Italians are musical idiots and you want them to judge my music! Look, young man, the issue is simple. If you want this post, you must submit your stuff in the same way as all your colleagues. +Look, young man, the issue is simple. If you want this post, you must submit your stuff in the same way as all your colleagues. Must I? Well, I won't! I tell you straight: I will not! +Herr Mozart - May I just do that, Majesty? Show you how it begins? Just that? +I don't think it was really decided, Director. Oh, German! German! Please let it be German. +My dear fellow, the language is not finally the point. Do you really think that subject is quite appropriate for a national theatre? Why not? It's charming. I mean, I don't actually show concubines exposing their! their! It's not indecent! It's highly moral, Majesty. It's full of proper German virtues. I swear it. Absolutely! +Well done, Mozart. Really quite fine. Baron! +Mozart - Sire, only opera can do this. In a play, if more than one person speaks at the same time, it's just noise. No one can understand a word. But with music, with music you can have twenty individuals all talking at once, and it's not noise - it's a perfect harmony. Isn't that marvelous? +Sire, only opera can do this. In a play, if more than one person speaks at the same time, it's just noise. No one can understand a word. But with music, with music you can have twenty individuals all talking at once, and it's not noise - it's a perfect harmony. Isn't that marvelous? Mozart, music is not the issue here. No one doubts your talent. It is your judgment of literature that's in question. Even with the politics taken out, this thing would still remain a vulgar farce. Why waste your spirit on such rubbish? Surely you can choose more elevated themes? +Mozart, music is not the issue here. No one doubts your talent. It is your judgment of literature that's in question. Even with the politics taken out, this thing would still remain a vulgar farce. Why waste your spirit on such rubbish? Surely you can choose more elevated themes? Elevated? What does that mean? Elevated! The only thing a man should elevate is - oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm stupid. But I am fed up to the teeth with elevated things! Old dead legends! How can we go on forever writing about gods and legends? +Elevated? What does that mean? Elevated! The only thing a man should elevate is - oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm stupid. But I am fed up to the teeth with elevated things! Old dead legends! How can we go on forever writing about gods and legends? Because they do. They go on forever - at least what they represent. The eternal in us, not the ephemeral. Opera is here to ennoble us. You and me, just as much as His Majesty. +What do you want? I am Father Vogler. I am a Chaplain here. I thought you might like to talk to someone. +I am Father Vogler. I am a Chaplain here. I thought you might like to talk to someone. About what? +About what? You tried to take your life. You do remember that, don't you? +You tried to take your life. You do remember that, don't you? So? +So? In the sight of God that is a sin. +In the sight of God that is a sin. What do you want? +What do you want? Do you understand that you have sinned? Gravely. +Do you understand that you have sinned? Gravely. Leave me alone. +Leave me alone. I cannot leave alone a soul in pain. +I cannot leave alone a soul in pain. Do you know who I am? You never heard of me, did you? +Do you know who I am? You never heard of me, did you? That makes no difference. All men are equal in God's eyes. +That makes no difference. All men are equal in God's eyes. Are they? +Are they? Offer me your confession. I can offer you God's forgiveness. +Offer me your confession. I can offer you God's forgiveness. I do not seek forgiveness. +I do not seek forgiveness. My son, there is something dreadful on your soul. Unburden it to me. I'm here only for you. Please talk to me. +My son, there is something dreadful on your soul. Unburden it to me. I'm here only for you. Please talk to me. How well are you trained in music? +How well are you trained in music? I know a little. I studied it in my youth. +I know a little. I studied it in my youth. Where? +Where? Here in Vienna. +Here in Vienna. Then you must know this. +I can't say I do. What is it? I'm surprised you don't know. It was a very popular tune in its day. I wrote it. How about this? +Well? I regret it is not too familiar. +I regret it is not too familiar. Can you recall no melody of mine? I was the most famous composer in Europe when you were still a boy. I wrote forty operas alone. What about this little thing? +Oh, I know that! That's charming! I didn't know you wrote that. I didn't. That was Mozart. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. You know who that is? +I didn't. That was Mozart. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. You know who that is? Of course. The man you accuse yourself of killing. +Of course. The man you accuse yourself of killing. Ah - you've heard that? +Ah - you've heard that? All Vienna has heard that. +All Vienna has heard that. And do they believe it? +And do they believe it? Is it true? +Is it true? Do you believe it? +Do you believe it? Should I? +Do you hear me? He was murdered, Father! Mozart! Cruelly murdered. +It was incomprehensible. What was God up to? Here I was denying all my natural lust in order to deserve God's gift and there was Mozart indulging his in all directions - even though engaged to be married! - and no rebuke at all! Was it possible I was being tested? Was God expecting me to offer forgiveness in the face of every offense, no matter how painful? That was very possible. All the same, why him? Why use Mozart to teach me lessons in humility? My heart was filling up with such hatred for that little man. For the first time in my life I began to know really violent thoughts. I couldn't stop them. Did you try? +Did you try? Every day. Sometimes for hours I would pray! +Yes, Father. Yes! So much for my vow of chastity. What did it matter? Good, patient, hard-working, chaste - what did it matter? Had goodness made me a good composer? I realized it absolutely then - that moment: goodness is nothing in the furnace of art. And I was nothing to God. You cannot say that! +You cannot say that! No? Was Mozart a good man? +No? Was Mozart a good man? God's ways are not yours. And you are not here to question Him. Offer him the salt of penitence. He will give you back the bread of eternal life. He is all merciful. That is all you need to know. +God's ways are not yours. And you are not here to question Him. Offer him the salt of penitence. He will give you back the bread of eternal life. He is all merciful. That is all you need to know. All I ever wanted was to sing to Him. That's His doing, isn't it? He gave me that longing - then made me mute. Why? Tell me that. If He didn't want me to serve Him with music, why implant the desire, like a lust in my body, then deny me the talent? Go on, tell me! Speak for Him! +All I ever wanted was to sing to Him. That's His doing, isn't it? He gave me that longing - then made me mute. Why? Tell me that. If He didn't want me to serve Him with music, why implant the desire, like a lust in my body, then deny me the talent? Go on, tell me! Speak for Him! My son, no one can speak for God. +My son, no one can speak for God. Oh? I thought you did so every day. So speak now. Answer me! +Oh? I thought you did so every day. So speak now. Answer me! I do not claim to unravel the mysteries. I treasure them. As you should. +I do not claim to unravel the mysteries. I treasure them. As you should. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Always the same stale answers! There is no God of Mercy, Father. Just a God of torture. +What? His funeral - imagine it! The Cathedral, all Vienna sitting there. His coffin, Mozart's little coffin in the middle. And suddenly in that silence, music. A divine music bursts out over them all, a great Mass of Death: Requiem Mass for Wolfgang Mozart, composed by his devoted friend Antonio Salieri. What sublimity! What depth! What passion in the music! Salieri has been touched by God at last. And God, forced to listen. Powerless - powerless to stop it. I at the end, for once, laughing at Him. Do you understand? Do you? +His funeral - imagine it! The Cathedral, all Vienna sitting there. His coffin, Mozart's little coffin in the middle. And suddenly in that silence, music. A divine music bursts out over them all, a great Mass of Death: Requiem Mass for Wolfgang Mozart, composed by his devoted friend Antonio Salieri. What sublimity! What depth! What passion in the music! Salieri has been touched by God at last. And God, forced to listen. Powerless - powerless to stop it. I at the end, for once, laughing at Him. Do you understand? Do you? Yes. +Yes. The only thing that worried me was the actual killing. How does one do that? How does one kill a man? It's one thing to dream about it. It's very different when you have to do it, with your own hands. +Why? Why? Why? Why add to your misery by confessing to murder? You didn't kill him. I did. +I did. No, you didn't! +No, you didn't! I poisoned his life. +I poisoned his life. But not his body. +But not his body. What difference does that make? +What difference does that make? My son, why should you want all Vienna to believe you a murderer? Is that your penance? Is it? +My son, why should you want all Vienna to believe you a murderer? Is that your penance? Is it? No, Father. From now on no one will be able to speak of Mozart without thinking of me. Whenever they say Mozart with love, they'll have to say Salieri with loathing. And that's my immortality - at last! Our names will be tied together for eternity - his in fame and mine in infamy. At least it's better than the total oblivion he'd planned for me, your merciful God! +No, Father. From now on no one will be able to speak of Mozart without thinking of me. Whenever they say Mozart with love, they'll have to say Salieri with loathing. And that's my immortality - at last! Our names will be tied together for eternity - his in fame and mine in infamy. At least it's better than the total oblivion he'd planned for me, your merciful God! Oh my son, my poor son! +Oh my son, my poor son! Don't pity me. Pity yourself. You serve a wicked God. He killed Mozart, not I. Took him, snatched him away, without pity. He destroyed His beloved rather than let a mediocrity like me get the smallest share in his glory. He doesn't care. Understand that. God cares nothing for the man He denies and nothing either for the man He uses. He broke Mozart in half when He'd finished with him, and threw him away. Like an old, worn out flute. +I've just learned something that might be of interest to you, Herr Director. Yes? +Yes? Mozart is writing a new opera. An Italian opera. +Mozart is writing a new opera. An Italian opera. Italian? +You mean that play? Exactly. +Exactly. He's setting that play to music? +He's setting that play to music? Yes. +Yes. You must be mad. +Are you absolutely sure? I've seen the manuscript. +I've seen the manuscript. Where? +Where? Never mind. +Well, Mozart is already rehearsing. Incredible. +Incredible. The Emperor has given him permission. +What anger? About the ballet. +About the ballet. Ballet? What ballet? +Ballet? What ballet? Excuse me - didn't His Majesty specifically forbid ballet in his opera? +Excuse me - didn't His Majesty specifically forbid ballet in his opera? Yes, absolutely. Is there a ballet in Figaro? +Yes, absolutely. Is there a ballet in Figaro? Yes, in the third act. +Bravo, Your Majesty! Well done, Sire! +Well, actually, Sire, if you remember, we did finally incline to Italian. Did we? +I know we banned this play, but frankly I can't remember why. Can you refresh my memory, Herr Director? For the same reason, Herr Chamberlain, that it was banned in France. +For the same reason, Herr Chamberlain, that it was banned in France. Oh yes, yes. And that was? +Oh yes, yes. And that was? Well, the play makes a hero out of a valet. He outwits his noble master and exposes him as a lecher. Do you see the implications? This would be, in a grander situation, as if a Chamberlain were to expose an Emperor. +Well, the play makes a hero out of a valet. He outwits his noble master and exposes him as a lecher. Do you see the implications? This would be, in a grander situation, as if a Chamberlain were to expose an Emperor. Ah. +Here I am, my angel. What? Who the devil are you? +What? Who the devil are you? I've taken pity on you, my angel. I heard your wish. +I've taken pity on you, my angel. I heard your wish. Oh. Well, thank you! How wonderful. Some people get all the luck. +Now you've got to promise me faithfully you'll remain true to me forever. Then you'll see how tenderly your little birdie will love you. I can't wait. +I can't wait. Well, promise then. +Well, promise then. What do you mean - now? +What do you mean - now? Of course now. Right away, before I get any older. +Well, I don't know! I mean you're a delicious, delightful, delectable little bird, but don't you think you might be just a little tough? Oh, I'm tender enough for you, my boy. I'm tender enough for you. +This is embarrassing, you know. You introduced Mozart to some of my friends and he's begging from practically all of them. It has to stop. I agree, Baron. +I agree, Baron. Can't you think of anyone who might commission some work from him? I've done my best. I got him to arrange some Bach for my Sunday concerts. He got a fee - what I could afford. Can't you think of anyone who might do something for him? +Can't you think of anyone who might commission some work from him? I've done my best. I got him to arrange some Bach for my Sunday concerts. He got a fee - what I could afford. Can't you think of anyone who might do something for him? No, Baron, no. I'm afraid Mozart is a lost cause. He has managed to alienate practically the whole of Vienna. He is constantly drunk. He never pays his debts. I can't think of one person to whom I dare recommend him. +No, Baron, no. I'm afraid Mozart is a lost cause. He has managed to alienate practically the whole of Vienna. He is constantly drunk. He never pays his debts. I can't think of one person to whom I dare recommend him. How sad. It's tragic, isn't it? Such a talent. +How sad. It's tragic, isn't it? Such a talent. Indeed. Just a moment - as a matter of fact I think I do know someone who could commission a work from him. A very appropriate person to do so. Yes. +Excuse me, sir, there is a lady who insists on talking to you. Who is she? +Who is she? She didn't say. But she says it's urgent. +She didn't say. But she says it's urgent. Excuse me, my dear. +That lady is back, sir. Show her in. Then go to bed. +What does he want? He didn't say, sir. I told him I didn't know when you would be back, but he insisted on waiting. +He didn't say, sir. I told him I didn't know when you would be back, but he insisted on waiting. Come with me. And stay in the room. +Herr Salieri. Yes, I am looking after him. +Yes, I am looking after him. Can we come in? +Can we come in? Well, he's sleeping now. Better not. +Well, he's sleeping now. Better not. But he's all right? +But he's all right? Oh, yes. He's just exhausted. He became dizzy, that's all. We should let him rest. +Oh, yes. He's just exhausted. He became dizzy, that's all. We should let him rest. Well, tell him we were here, won't you? +Well, tell him we were here, won't you? Of course. +Of course. And say everything went wonderfully. A triumph-de-luxe - say that! Tell him the audience shouted his name a hundred times. +And say everything went wonderfully. A triumph-de-luxe - say that! Tell him the audience shouted his name a hundred times. Bene. +Bene. I'll call tomorrow. +I'll call tomorrow. Yes. And congratulations to all of you. It was superb. +Oh, by the way, give him this. This is his share. That should cheer him up, eh? Yes, indeed. Goodnight to you all now. It was perfection - truly! +Has the patient in twenty-one gotten his tray yet? The American? Yes, duck. +The American? Yes, duck. How did he look? +How did he look? What do you mean, 'how did he look'? +What do you mean, 'how did he look'? You know, did he seem depressed? Do you think he'll eat the food? +You know, did he seem depressed? Do you think he'll eat the food? I'm an orderly, not a bleeding psychiatrist! I push things about, but I've little say what happens to them. +I'm an orderly, not a bleeding psychiatrist! I push things about, but I've little say what happens to them. Thank you. +Dr. Hirsch, Mr. Kessler cried out a minute ago. Miss Gallagher, surely you must perform some function here at the hospital. +Can I be of service, Miss Price? Dr. Hirsch? +Dr. Hirsch? Go about your duties. +Go about your duties. Yes, Doctor. +Oh, Miss Price? Yes, Doctor? +Yes, Doctor? What exactly did he call out? +What exactly did he call out? He said 'Jack'. +He said 'Jack'. That would be Jack Goodman, the boy who was killed. +That would be Jack Goodman, the boy who was killed. What happened to them? +What happened to them? The police report said an escaped lunatic attacked them. He must have been a very powerful man. Although I really don't see that it is any of your concern, Miss Price. +The police report said an escaped lunatic attacked them. He must have been a very powerful man. Although I really don't see that it is any of your concern, Miss Price. No, sir. Of course, sir. Good day, Doctor. +Did he say a wolf? Yes, I believe he did. +It's all right, Susan. Yes, Doctor, I have. Come to my office, Miss Price. +Oh dear girl, your extracurricular activities are of no consequence to me. I don't give a damn who you sleep with. I'm concerned about David. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. It's a full moon. Where is he? +It's a full moon. Where is he? At my flat. I'm off at midnight and... +He's not? Alex, has David persisted in his werewolf fantasies? +Alex, has David persisted in his werewolf fantasies? Well, yes, but he seems to be more upset by the death of his friend. +Well, yes, but he seems to be more upset by the death of his friend. Has his friend appeared to him again? +Has his friend appeared to him again? Yes. +Yes. What did he say? +What did he say? David says Jack comes to warn him. +David says Jack comes to warn him. Warn him? +Warn him? Dr. Hirsch, what's wrong? Is this more serious than I know? +Dr. Hirsch, what's wrong? Is this more serious than I know? I tried to investigate the attack. There are no records. The case was closed and now they've 'misplaced' the file. David's lacerations were cleaned and dressed when he arrived here and yet supposedly no doctor examined him before I did. The Goodman boy is already in the ground so he's no good to us. So I went to the pub in East Proctor where I was convinced of two things. +I tried to investigate the attack. There are no records. The case was closed and now they've 'misplaced' the file. David's lacerations were cleaned and dressed when he arrived here and yet supposedly no doctor examined him before I did. The Goodman boy is already in the ground so he's no good to us. So I went to the pub in East Proctor where I was convinced of two things. Yes. +Yes. They were lying. There were no witnesses, no escaped lunatic. The whole community is hiding the truth of what actually happened up there. +They were lying. There were no witnesses, no escaped lunatic. The whole community is hiding the truth of what actually happened up there. And what else? +And what else? I think the village of East Proctor is hiding some dark and terrible secret. I'm convinced that, like David, they believe in this werewolf. +You've absolutely no idea where David might be? No. He knows no one in London, besides me. I shouldn't have left him alone. +Surely you're not suggesting... David has suffered a severe trauma. I myself witnessed some form of mass neurosis in East Proctor. If all the villagers believe that Jack Goodman was killed by a werewolf, why shouldn't David? And then it follows that if he survived an attack by a werewolf, wouldn't he himself become a werewolf the next full moon? +David has suffered a severe trauma. I myself witnessed some form of mass neurosis in East Proctor. If all the villagers believe that Jack Goodman was killed by a werewolf, why shouldn't David? And then it follows that if he survived an attack by a werewolf, wouldn't he himself become a werewolf the next full moon? Dr. Hirsch? +Dr. Hirsch? Oh, I don't mean running about on all fours and howling at the moon. But in such a deranged state he could harm himself, or perhaps others. +Oh, I don't mean running about on all fours and howling at the moon. But in such a deranged state he could harm himself, or perhaps others. What shall we do? +What shall we do? Let's call the police and see if they can help us find our wandering boy. +He's here. Is he all right? Why didn't you call me? Where was he? +Is he all right? Why didn't you call me? Where was he? He doesn't remember. He woke up at the zoo. +He doesn't remember. He woke up at the zoo. The zoo? Is he rational? +The zoo? Is he rational? Yes, he is. He's very excited and confused, but he's not crazy, if that's what you mean. +Yes, he is. He's very excited and confused, but he's not crazy, if that's what you mean. Have you read the papers today? Have you listened to the radio or television? +Have you read the papers today? Have you listened to the radio or television? No, why? +No, why? Is David acting strangely? +Is David acting strangely? No, not really. +Could you get here without any trouble? Yes, I should think so. +Yes, I should think so. Right. Now listen carefully. I want you to bring David here. I want him in my care. I'll notify the police that we've found him. It is imperative that you bring him straight to the hospital. Do you understand? +Right. Now listen carefully. I want you to bring David here. I want him in my care. I'll notify the police that we've found him. It is imperative that you bring him straight to the hospital. Do you understand? Yes, Doctor. +Yes, Doctor. You're certain he's lucid? You won't need any help? +You're certain he's lucid? You won't need any help? He's fine. We'll come right over. +He's fine. We'll come right over. Shall I send a car? +Shall I send a car? No, a cab will be faster. +No, a cab will be faster. I expect you shortly. +What shall we do? Tea would be nice. +Nurse Hobbs said there's a disturbance in Leicester Square involving some sort of mad dog. David? +David? I doubt it. But it's something to do. +It wasn't a lunatic. I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? It was a wolf. +It was a wolf. What? +What? A wolf. +Mr. Kessler? Yes? +Yes? You haven't eaten your lunch. +You haven't eaten your lunch. I'm not very hungry, thank you. +I'm not very hungry, thank you. I'm afraid you have to eat something. +I'm afraid you have to eat something. Please, really. I'm not hungry. +Please, really. I'm not hungry. You put me in an awkward position, Mr. Kessler. +You put me in an awkward position, Mr. Kessler. How is that? +How is that? Well, you're to take these after you've eaten. Now what kind of nurse would I be if I failed in so simple a task as giving out some pills? +Well, you're to take these after you've eaten. Now what kind of nurse would I be if I failed in so simple a task as giving out some pills? Leave the pills. I'll take them later. +Leave the pills. I'll take them later. Sorry. +Aw come on, Miss Price! Call me Alex. +Call me Alex. Aw come on, Alex! +Aw come on, Alex! Shall I be forced to feed you, Mr. Kessler? +Call me David. Shall I be forced to feed you, David? +Shall I be forced to feed you, David? This is absurd. I'm not hungry. I don't want any food. +This is absurd. I'm not hungry. I don't want any food. Right. +Let's try a little harder, shall we? Will you give me a break? +You're a very beautiful girl. I thought you were asleep. +I thought you were asleep. I was. What are you reading? +I was. What are you reading? 'A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court' by Mark Twain. +'A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court' by Mark Twain. Do you like it? +Do you like it? I've just started it. My friend gave it to me. +What do you dream about? I dream of death mostly. +I dream of death mostly. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you. +I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you. It's okay. I want to talk to you. +How old are you? That's not really a very proper question. +That's not really a very proper question. How old are you? +How old are you? Twenty-eight. +Twenty-eight. I'm twenty-seven. +I'm twenty-seven. I know. +I know. Now what do you want to talk about? +Now what do you want to talk about? Was Jack Goodman your good friend? +Was Jack Goodman your good friend? My best friend. My very best friend. +My best friend. My very best friend. Shall I read to you? +Shall I read to you? What? Oh, yes, please. +What? Oh, yes, please. A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Samuel L. Clemens. This is after the preface but before chapter one: A Word of Explanation. You all right? +A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Samuel L. Clemens. This is after the preface but before chapter one: A Word of Explanation. You all right? Yes, go on. +Yes, go on. Ahem, A Word of Explanation. It was in Warwick Castle that I came across the curious stranger whom I am going to talk about. He attracted me by three things: his candid simplicity, his marvelous familiarity with ancient armor, and the restfulness of his company - for he did all the talking. We fell together as modest people will in the tail of the herd... +Hello. You all right? I'm sorry I woke you up. +I'm sorry I woke you up. Don't be silly. Can I get you something? +Don't be silly. Can I get you something? No, thank you. Just keep me company for a while. +No, thank you. Just keep me company for a while. That's easy enough. +That's easy enough. I keep having these really terrible dreams. They are getting worse and I can't seem to stop them. +I keep having these really terrible dreams. They are getting worse and I can't seem to stop them. David, your dreams will stop. You'll leave England and your bad memories; and then this will all fade away. +David, your dreams will stop. You'll leave England and your bad memories; and then this will all fade away. Will you come with me? +Will you come with me? What? +What? I'm serious. You don't know me and I know nothing about you. We have a perfect relationship. +I'm serious. You don't know me and I know nothing about you. We have a perfect relationship. Now, David, I said I would keep you company, but I meant right here and now. +Now, David, I said I would keep you company, but I meant right here and now. Will you think about it? +Will you think about it? How did we get from your bad dreams to my taking a holiday with a patient? +How did we get from your bad dreams to my taking a holiday with a patient? Not just a patient -- me. +Not just a patient -- me. You're being awfully forward, aren't you? +You're being awfully forward, aren't you? Forgive me, I'm trying to cheer myself up and an affair with a beautiful nurse seemed like just the thing to do it. +Forgive me, I'm trying to cheer myself up and an affair with a beautiful nurse seemed like just the thing to do it. All I am to you is a sex fantasy then? +All I am to you is a sex fantasy then? Now I'm embarrassed. +Now I'm embarrassed. Good. I thought for a moment I was the only embarrassed one in the room. +I'm a werewolf. A werewolf? +Are you better now? I'll let you know the next full moon. +I'll let you know the next full moon. You're to be discharged tomorrow. Will you be all right? +My friend Jack was just here. Your dead friend Jack? +Your dead friend Jack? Yeah. He says that I will become a monster in two days. What do you think? +Yeah. He says that I will become a monster in two days. What do you think? What do I think? You mean about the possibility of your becoming a monster in two days or about visits from dead friends? +What do I think? You mean about the possibility of your becoming a monster in two days or about visits from dead friends? I was dreaming again? +I was dreaming again? I would think so. +I would think so. Yeah, I would think so, too. +The kitchen. Very nice. +Closet. Charming. +Charming. Bathroom. +Bathroom. Lovely. +Lovely. The bedroom. +The bedroom. There is only one bed. +There is only one bed. David, perhaps you'd like to watch the telly while I take a shower. +It's nice to see you. It's nice to see you. +Alex? Yes? +Yes? Will you be here in about fifteen minutes? +Will you be here in about fifteen minutes? Of course. +Of course. Good. +David, you don't honestly believe that in reality your friend Jack rose from the grave to breakfast with you? Do you really? I was awake and he was in my room. +I was awake and he was in my room. But, David. +But, David. I wasn't hallucinating. +Tomorrow is the full moon. That's good, Alex. Reassure me. +Let me go now, you'll make me late. Do me an enormous favor? +Do me an enormous favor? Anything. +Anything. Tell me that it's silly of me to be apprehensive. +Tell me that it's silly of me to be apprehensive. It's silly of you to be apprehensive. +It's silly of you to be apprehensive. Werewolves simply do not exist. +Werewolves simply do not exist. David, do you want me to stay here tonight? +David, do you want me to stay here tonight? Yeah, I do, but go to work. +Listen, if you get too anxious, call me at the hospital, okay? Okay. +Okay. I've left those pills for you. +I've left those pills for you. A doper werewolf. +I'm off. There's food in the fridge. See you later. +David! Where on earth have you been!?! I'm freezing. +Alex, I've lost my mind. I woke up at the zoo! But you know what? I feel terrific! The zoo? +The zoo? Waking up at the zoo, that's not so insane. Having no clothes on? That's insane. What did I do last night, Alex? +Waking up at the zoo, that's not so insane. Having no clothes on? That's insane. What did I do last night, Alex? Don't you remember? +Don't you remember? I said goodbye to you. I was locked out of the flat. I climbed the wall and came in through the bathroom window. I started to read and then I was naked at the zoo! I guess I am out of my fucking mind. +The next corner we can get a cab. I should be committed. +I should be committed. Dr. Hirsch will know what to do. +Dr. Hirsch will know what to do. I don't know why I feel so good. I haven't felt this good in a long time. +But... Pull over. +David, what are you doing? Six people mutilated? It had to be me, Alex. +Six people mutilated? It had to be me, Alex. David, stop! +I am going to the cops. There's a full moon tonight. Jack was right. I... Jack is dead! +Jack is dead! Jack is dead. Look, six people have been killed. I'm going to the police. +David, please be rational. Let's go to Dr. Hirsch. Rational!?! I'm a fucking werewolf, for Christ's sake! +He's playing a stupid joke, sir. What? +What? We had an argument. He's being silly. +We had an argument. He's being silly. I swear, I don't know this girl. +Sir, he's very upset. His friend was killed and... Will you shut up!?!! +Hopeless. It's hopeless. David, let's go now. +Leave me alone, dammit! You people are crazy! I've got to get away from here! I've got to do something! David, don't lose control. +David, don't lose control. Control!?! What control!?! Get away from me! +Hello, Benjamin. No. +No. No what? +No what? No. +No. Well, all right then, be that way. Here, swallow this. +Well, all right then, be that way. Here, swallow this. No. +Feeling better? No. +No. The doctor will be round later. Would you like a picture book to look at? We have some lovely funny Beanos. +The doctor will be round later. Would you like a picture book to look at? We have some lovely funny Beanos. No. +No. Right. +How are we feeling tonight? No. +No. No what? +No what? No! +No! Benjamin, have you ever been severely beaten about the face and neck? +Benjamin, have you ever been severely beaten about the face and neck? No. +No. I thought not. +He all right? Yes, I should think. He called out just now. +Yes, I should think. He called out just now. He's an American, you know. Dr. Hirsch is going to fetch round one of those Embassy fellows to see him. +He's an American, you know. Dr. Hirsch is going to fetch round one of those Embassy fellows to see him. Chart says he's from New York. +Chart says he's from New York. I think he's a Jew. +I think he's a Jew. Why on earth do you say that? +Why on earth do you say that? I looked. +I looked. Really, Susan, I don't think that was very proper, and besides, it's common practice now. +Miss Price. Yes, Mrs. Hobbs. +Yes, Mrs. Hobbs. Take these round now, will you please? The American boy in twenty-one is only to have these after he's eaten. Will you be sure of that? +Take these round now, will you please? The American boy in twenty-one is only to have these after he's eaten. Will you be sure of that? Has he been refusing food? +Has he been refusing food? Nothing quite as dramatic as that, Miss Price. He just doesn't eat enough of what is put before him. He suffers from nightmares. I'd think he just needs a hand to hold. +Nothing quite as dramatic as that, Miss Price. He just doesn't eat enough of what is put before him. He suffers from nightmares. I'd think he just needs a hand to hold. Yes, Mrs. Hobbs. +Officer, I killed those people last night. You did, did you? +All right, you two, move along. Hey, you asshole! I want you to arrest me! +Hey, you asshole! I want you to arrest me! There's no call for that kind of language. +There's no call for that kind of language. Queen Elizabeth is a man! Prince Charles is a faggot! Winston Churchill was full of shit! +Queen Elizabeth is a man! Prince Charles is a faggot! Winston Churchill was full of shit! Now see here young man. +Now see here young man. Shakespeare was French! The Queen Mother sucks cocks in hell! Shit! Fuck! Piss! +Who is this girl? You're going to have to stop this disturbance or I shall arrest you. +You're going to have to stop this disturbance or I shall arrest you. That's what I want you to do, you moron! +Why are you doing this to me, Jack? This isn't Mr. Goodman's idea. He is your good friend, whereas I am a victim of your carnivorous lunar activities. +This isn't Mr. Goodman's idea. He is your good friend, whereas I am a victim of your carnivorous lunar activities. Mr. Bringsly, I'm sorry. I have absolutely no idea what to say to you. +Mr. Bringsly, I'm sorry. I have absolutely no idea what to say to you. You've left my wife a widow and my children fatherless. And I understand that I am to walk the earth one of the living dead until the wolf's bloodline is severed and the curse lifted. +That's easy for you to say - you're already dead. No, David. Harry and I and everyone you murder are not dead. The undead. +No, David. Harry and I and everyone you murder are not dead. The undead. Why are you doing this to me? +Here, Gladys, Tom. Did you hear the one about the crashing plane? No, but we're about to. +You be quiet, woman, and let me speak. Quiet, everyone! Hush! Shhh! +All right, laugh then. I shan't tell it. Oh, come on, tell us. +Oh, come on, tell us. No. You've had your chance. +Oh, all right. There was this airplane over the Atlantic on its way to New York. It was full of men from the United Nations. That's very funny, that is. +No one brought them here! No one wanted them here! You could have told them! +Mr. Kessler? Wake up, please. I was having a nightmare. +Now go back to sleep so you'll be fresh for Dr. Hirsch in the morning. What time is it? +What time is it? It's nearly eight. I'm off duty shortly, then I'm off to the films with Alex. +It's nearly eight. I'm off duty shortly, then I'm off to the films with Alex. Alex? +Alex? Miss Price, the other nurse that attended you. +Miss Price, the other nurse that attended you. What are you going to see? +What are you going to see? An American film about the Mafia called 'See You Next Wednesday', and I want to see it badly, so you give me no problems and go to sleep. +An American film about the Mafia called 'See You Next Wednesday', and I want to see it badly, so you give me no problems and go to sleep. Do you have bad dreams, too? +Do you have bad dreams, too? Some, everyone does. +Some, everyone does. Yes, but does everyone kill Bambi? +Yes, but does everyone kill Bambi? Bambi? +Hello, David. I am Dr. Hirsch and this is a countryman of yours, Mr. Collins. Where am I? +Where am I? You're in a hospital in London. +You're in a hospital in London. London? Where's Jack? I had a strange dream. +London? Where's Jack? I had a strange dream. I should think so after your recent traumatic experiences. +I should think so after your recent traumatic experiences. The guy I was with. Is he all right? How did I get to London? +The guy I was with. Is he all right? How did I get to London? Now, David, I want you to prepare yourself; your friend is dead. +Miss Price! Miss Price, please! Get your fucking hands off me! What the hell is going on here? +How long have I been here? You've been unconscious since you were brought in two weeks ago. +You've been unconscious since you were brought in two weeks ago. Two weeks? +Two weeks? You've suffered some rather severe cuts and bruises, lost a bit of blood, but nothing too serious; black and blue for a while. You'll have some dueling scars to boast of. That lunatic must have been a very fierce fellow. They say a mad man has the strength of ten. +You've suffered some rather severe cuts and bruises, lost a bit of blood, but nothing too serious; black and blue for a while. You'll have some dueling scars to boast of. That lunatic must have been a very fierce fellow. They say a mad man has the strength of ten. Lunatic? +Lunatic? Now we've just given you a pretty strong sedative, so try to get some rest now. Miss Price will see to your needs. Rest now. +There were witnesses? So they said. +So they said. How could there have been witnesses? It was so dark. We were running and I fell and Jack went to help me up and this thing came from nowhere... I don't understand what they're talking about. +How could there have been witnesses? It was so dark. We were running and I fell and Jack went to help me up and this thing came from nowhere... I don't understand what they're talking about. In time I'm sure it will all come back to you. +In time I'm sure it will all come back to you. Doctor, my memory is fine. It's my sanity I'm beginning to worry about. +You've never had bad dreams before? Sure, as a kid. But never so real. Never so bizarre. +Did you get a good look at the man who attacked you? I've told you, it wasn't a man. It was an animal. A big wolf or something. A rabid dog. +I've told you, it wasn't a man. It was an animal. A big wolf or something. A rabid dog. Yes. +Yes. Look, Dr. Hirsch, I know I've been traumatized, but Jack was torn apart. I saw him. A man can't do that to someone with his bare hands. +Look, Dr. Hirsch, I know I've been traumatized, but Jack was torn apart. I saw him. A man can't do that to someone with his bare hands. You'd be surprised what horrors a man is capable of. +You'd be surprised what horrors a man is capable of. Did you see Jack? +Did you see Jack? No. In fact, your wounds were cleaned and dressed before you arrived here. +No. In fact, your wounds were cleaned and dressed before you arrived here. Did you talk to the police in East Proctor? Did the cops go to The Slaughtered Lamb? +Did you talk to the police in East Proctor? Did the cops go to The Slaughtered Lamb? I really don't know. +I really don't know. Then why the hell are you so quick to disbelieve me? You yourself said it must have taken incredible strength to tear apart a person like that. +Then why the hell are you so quick to disbelieve me? You yourself said it must have taken incredible strength to tear apart a person like that. David, please. The police are satisfied. I'm certain that if a monster were out roaming northern England we'd have seen it on the telly. +David, please. The police are satisfied. I'm certain that if a monster were out roaming northern England we'd have seen it on the telly. You really think I'm crazy, don't you? +You really think I'm crazy, don't you? Believe me. The Hound of the Baskervilles was an invention of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's. And if you'd read the bloody book, you'd find that Holmes discovered your house of hell a fraud, a fake. +Dr. Hirsch? I'd rather not be by myself. Of course not, David. I'll fetch in young Miss Price. +Are you cold? Yes. +Yes. Good. +Jack. David. +David. You're not having a good time are you? +You're not having a good time are you? Oh, I don't know. I mean look around. Isn't this a fun place? +Well, I like it here. I'm sorry. Northern England first, Italy later. +I'm sorry. Northern England first, Italy later. Right. +Do you think she'll meet me in Rome? I think Debbie Klein is a mediocre person with a good body. +I think Debbie Klein is a mediocre person with a good body. Debbie is not mediocre and she has one of the great bodies of all time. +Debbie is not mediocre and she has one of the great bodies of all time. She's a jerk. +She's a jerk. You're talking about the woman I love. +You're talking about the woman I love. I'm talking about a girl you want to fuck, so give me a break. +I'm talking about a girl you want to fuck, so give me a break. Well, anyway, do you think she'll be there? +Well, anyway, do you think she'll be there? I don't know. +I don't know. Rendezvous in Rome starring Jack Goodman and Debbie Klein. The love affair that shocked Europe! See torrid lovemaking at its most explicit! See Jack and Debbie expose their lust in the sacred halls of the Vatican! Never has the screen dared... +Rendezvous in Rome starring Jack Goodman and Debbie Klein. The love affair that shocked Europe! See torrid lovemaking at its most explicit! See Jack and Debbie expose their lust in the sacred halls of the Vatican! Never has the screen dared... If you don't stop, I'm going to kill you. +If you don't stop, I'm going to kill you. I have to make love to her. It's very simple. She has no choice really. +I have to make love to her. It's very simple. She has no choice really. It just fascinates me that you can spend so much energy on someone so dull. +It just fascinates me that you can spend so much energy on someone so dull. It is impossible for a body like that to be dull. +It is impossible for a body like that to be dull. We've known Debbie what, since the eighth grade? How many years of foreplay is that? +We've known Debbie what, since the eighth grade? How many years of foreplay is that? She says she 'likes me too much'. +The Slaughtered Lamb? Of course, The Slaughtered Lamb. Why else would they have a severed fox head on a spear as their symbol? +Of course, The Slaughtered Lamb. Why else would they have a severed fox head on a spear as their symbol? That's a wolf's head. +That's a wolf's head. Of course, The Slaughtered Lamb. Why else would they have a severed wolf's head on a spear as their symbol? +Of course, The Slaughtered Lamb. Why else would they have a severed wolf's head on a spear as their symbol? That's not a spear. It's a pike. +That's not a spear. It's a pike. A severed wolf's head on a pike as their symbol. +A severed wolf's head on a pike as their symbol. David, before we go in there I want you to know that - no matter what happens to us - it's your fault. +David, before we go in there I want you to know that - no matter what happens to us - it's your fault. I assume full responsibility. +I assume full responsibility. Okay. +Okay. Shall we? +Hello. Nice to see you. +Nice looking group. Listen, at least it's warm in here. +Listen, at least it's warm in here. Look at that. +What about it? It's a five-pointed star. +It's a five-pointed star. Maybe the owners are from Texas. +Ask them what the candles are for. You ask them. +You ask them. Listen, that's a pentangle, a five- pointed star. It's used in witchcraft. Lon Chaney, Jr. and Universal Studios maintain it's the mark of the wolf man. +Listen, that's a pentangle, a five- pointed star. It's used in witchcraft. Lon Chaney, Jr. and Universal Studios maintain it's the mark of the wolf man. I see. You want me to ask these people if they're burning candles to ward off monsters. +I see. You want me to ask these people if they're burning candles to ward off monsters. Right. +Right. Wrong. +Go on, ask them. You ask them. +Jack, we'd better go. What do you mean? I'm starving. +Come on, Jack, shall we go?!! Apparently so. +What the hell was that all about? I don't know. Let's see if there's an inn or something up the road. +I don't know. Let's see if there's an inn or something up the road. Beware the moon? +Beware the moon? Come on, I'm freezing. +That was weird. I guess leaving was the best idea. I don't know. Now that we're out here and it's three degrees, I'm not so sure I wouldn't rather face a blood-thirsty mob. +I don't know. Now that we're out here and it's three degrees, I'm not so sure I wouldn't rather face a blood-thirsty mob. Well, not quite a blood-thirsty mob. +What do you think was wrong? I have no idea. +I have no idea. Maybe that pentangle was for something supernatural. +Maybe that pentangle was for something supernatural. I see and they were too embarrassed to talk about it, because they felt so silly. +Say, David... I'm well aware of how pleasant the weather is in Rome at the present time thank you. +Did you hear that? I heard that. +I heard that. What was it? +Could be a lot of things. Yeah? +Yeah? A coyote. +A coyote. There aren't any coyotes in England. +There aren't any coyotes in England. The Hound of the Baskervilles. +The Hound of the Baskervilles. Pecos Bill. +Pecos Bill. Heathcliffe. +Heathcliffe. Heathcliffe didn't howl. +Heathcliffe didn't howl. No, but he was on the moors. +No, but he was on the moors. It's a full moon, 'beware the moon'. +I vote we go back to The Slaughtered Lamb. Yeah. +Shit! David, what is that? I don't know. Come on. +I don't know. Come on. Come on, where? +Come on, where? Anywhere! I think we should just keep moving. +It's moving. It's circling us. +What's the plan? Plan? +Plan? Let's just keep walking. +It's in front of us. Do you think it's a dog? +Oh shit. What is that? A sheep dog or something. Turn slowly and let's walk away. +Nice doggie. Good boy. Walk away, Jack. +Walk away, Jack. Walking away, yes, sir. Here we are walking away. +See anything? No. +It sounds far away. Not far enough. Come on. +Jack? Yeah. +Yeah. Where are we going? +Where are we going? I'll tell you when we get there. +I'll tell you when we get there. Well. I'm glad we... WHOAA!! +You really scared me, you shithead. Are you going to help me up? +Nice to see you. Get the fuck out of here, Jack. +Get the fuck out of here, Jack. Thanks a lot. +Thanks a lot. This is too much. I can't handle this. +This is too much. I can't handle this. I'm aware that I don't look so great, but I thought you'd be glad to see me. +David! You're hurting my feelings. Hurting your feelings? Has it occurred to you that it may be unsettling to have you rise from your grave to visit me? Listen to me, I'm talking to a hamburger! +Hurting your feelings? Has it occurred to you that it may be unsettling to have you rise from your grave to visit me? Listen to me, I'm talking to a hamburger! I'm sorry to be upsetting you, David, but I had to come. +I'm sorry to be upsetting you, David, but I had to come. Aren't you supposed to be buried in New York someplace? +Aren't you supposed to be buried in New York someplace? Yeah. Your parents came to my funeral. I was surprised at how many people came. +Yeah. Your parents came to my funeral. I was surprised at how many people came. Why should you be surprised? You were a very well-liked person. +Why should you be surprised? You were a very well-liked person. Debbie Klein cried a lot. +Debbie Klein cried a lot. I can't stand it. +I can't stand it. So you know what she does? She's so grief stricken she runs to find solace in Rudy Levine's bed. +So you know what she does? She's so grief stricken she runs to find solace in Rudy Levine's bed. Rudy Levine the shmuck? +Rudy Levine the shmuck? Life mocks me even in death. +I'm going completely crazy. David! +David! What?! +What?! David, now I know this may be hard for you, but I have to warn you. +David, now I know this may be hard for you, but I have to warn you. Warn me? Will you get out of here, you meat loaf? +Warn me? Will you get out of here, you meat loaf? I'm a grisly sight, it's true; but I love you and that's why I'm here. You've got to know. +I'm a grisly sight, it's true; but I love you and that's why I'm here. You've got to know. If you love me so much, Jack, you'll realize how disconcerting it is to share one's breakfast with the living dead! +If you love me so much, Jack, you'll realize how disconcerting it is to share one's breakfast with the living dead! We were attacked by a werewolf. +We were attacked by a werewolf. I'm not listening! +I'm not listening! On the moors, we were attacked by a lycanthrope, a werewolf. +On the moors, we were attacked by a lycanthrope, a werewolf. Shut up, you zombie! +Shut up, you zombie! I was murdered, an unnatural death, and now I walk the earth in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted. +I was murdered, an unnatural death, and now I walk the earth in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted. What's wrong with you? Shut up! +What's wrong with you? Shut up! The wolf's bloodline must be severed. The last remaining werewolf must be destroyed. +The wolf's bloodline must be severed. The last remaining werewolf must be destroyed. Will you be quiet?! +It's you, David. What?! +What?! You survived and now you shall continue the curse. +You survived and now you shall continue the curse. What are you talking about? I won't accept this! Get out! God damit! +What are you talking about? I won't accept this! Get out! God damit! Remember what that guy at The Slaughtered Lamb said? 'Beware the moon.' +Remember what that guy at The Slaughtered Lamb said? 'Beware the moon.' Stop it, Jack. +Stop it, Jack. Beware the moon. The full moon, David. You've got two days. +Beware the moon. The full moon, David. You've got two days. Jack, please go away. Please go away. +Jack, please go away. Please go away. You'll stalk the streets of London a creature of the night. +You'll stalk the streets of London a creature of the night. You're talking like Boris Karloff! It's movie dialogue! +You're talking like Boris Karloff! It's movie dialogue! David, please believe me. You will kill people, David. You've got to stop the bloodshed before it begins. +David, please believe me. You will kill people, David. You've got to stop the bloodshed before it begins. Nurse! +Nurse! Listen to me! Take your own life, David. It's our only chance. +Listen to me! Take your own life, David. It's our only chance. Nurse! +Nurse! The supernatural! The powers of darkness! It's all true. Take your own life! Suicide, David. Join me. +The supernatural! The powers of darkness! It's all true. Take your own life! Suicide, David. Join me. Nurse! Oh God! Alex! +Nurse! Oh God! Alex! It's cold, David, and I'm so alone. The undead surround me. Have you ever talked to a corpse? It's boring! I'm lonely! Kill yourself, David, before you kill others. +You're not real. Don't be an asshole, David. Come here. +What are you doing here? I wanted to see you. +I wanted to see you. Okay, you've seen me. Now go away. +Okay, you've seen me. Now go away. David, I'm sorry I upset you yesterday, but you must understand what is going on. +David, I'm sorry I upset you yesterday, but you must understand what is going on. I understand all right. You're one of the undead and I'm a werewolf. +I understand all right. You're one of the undead and I'm a werewolf. Yes. +Yes. Get out of here, Jack! +Get out of here, Jack! David, tomorrow night is the full moon. You'll change, you'll become... +David, tomorrow night is the full moon. You'll change, you'll become... A monster. I know, I know. +A monster. I know, I know. You must take your own life now, David, before it's too late. +You must take your own life now, David, before it's too late. Jack, are you really dead? +Jack, are you really dead? What do you think? +What do you think? I think I've lost my mind. I think you're not real. I think I'm asleep and you're a part of another bad dream. +I think I've lost my mind. I think you're not real. I think I'm asleep and you're a part of another bad dream. You must believe me. +You must believe me. What, Jack? That tomorrow night beneath the full moon I'll sprout hair and fangs and eat people? Bullshit! +What, Jack? That tomorrow night beneath the full moon I'll sprout hair and fangs and eat people? Bullshit! The canines will be real. You'll taste real blood! God damit, David, please believe me! You'll kill and make others like me! I'm not having a nice time, David! Don't allow this to happen again! You must take your own life! +The canines will be real. You'll taste real blood! God damit, David, please believe me! You'll kill and make others like me! I'm not having a nice time, David! Don't allow this to happen again! You must take your own life! I will not accept this! Now go away! +Hi, Jack. Hi, David. +What can I say, Jack? You don't have to say anything. +You don't have to say anything. Aren't you going to say, 'I told you so'? +Aren't you going to say, 'I told you so'? If I was still alive, I probably would. +If I was still alive, I probably would. You look awful. +You look awful. Thank you. +Thank you. I didn't mean it. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm not even sure it was me who killed those people. I don't remember doing it. +I didn't mean it. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm not even sure it was me who killed those people. I don't remember doing it. What about the zoo? +What about the zoo? Well, even if I'm not the wolfman, I am crazy enough to do something like that. I mean, here I sit in Leicester Square talking to a corpse. I'm glad to see you, Jack. +Well, even if I'm not the wolfman, I am crazy enough to do something like that. I mean, here I sit in Leicester Square talking to a corpse. I'm glad to see you, Jack. I want you to meet some people. +David Kessler, this is Gerald Bringsly. Hello. +Hello. Gerald is the man you murdered in the subway. We thought it best you didn't see him as he's a fresh kill and still pretty messy. +Because this must be stopped. How shall I do it? +I could hang myself. If you did it wrong, it would be painful. You'd choke to death. +Dr. Hirsch? Come in, come in. Please sit. Some tea? +No, thank you, Doctor. Well, then, what can I do for Scotland Yard? +You were saying? Has David Kessler anything to say concerning the attack on the moors? +Has David Kessler anything to say concerning the attack on the moors? Why don't we ask him? +The forensic lads seem to feel that some sort of animal was involved, that's true, but I hardly think... Regardless of what you think, Lieutenant, the fact remains that David is missing and that we must find him. +What can we do to assist you? Stay here. If we need you, we'll know where to reach you. +Yes? Lt. Villiers and Sgt. McManus are here to see you, Doctor. +Lt. Villiers and Sgt. McManus are here to see you, Doctor. Send them in. +Excuse me. Yes? Roger Mathison, Doctor. +Roger Mathison, Doctor. What here? +What here? He's on the telephone. +He's on the telephone. Tell him I'm out. No, tell him I've passed away. An old war wound or something. Tell him I'm dead. And no more calls! +Hello, there. What can I get you? Campari and soda would do nicely. +Campari and soda would do nicely. Sorry, love. +Sorry, love. I suppose Guinness will suffice. +What's that? Oh, that's been there for two hundred years. We were going to paint it out, but it's traditional, so we left it. +Oh, that's been there for two hundred years. We were going to paint it out, but it's traditional, so we left it. I see. You've heard nothing about the incident? +Do you have any hot soup? No. +Hot chocolate? We've got spirits and beer. If it's something hot you want, you can have tea. +We've got spirits and beer. If it's something hot you want, you can have tea. Then you have some hot tea? +Then you have some hot tea? No. +No. Oh. +Oh. But I can heat some up for you if you'd like. +Remember the Alamo? I beg your pardon? +No, thank you. I'd like some tea, please. +Sorry. Has Mr. Kessler said anything regarding the attack on the moors? +He may have a point, Lieutenant. Two strong boys would be able to defend themselves against one man. Sgt. McManus, are you suggesting that David and Jack were, in fact, attacked by some animal and that the officialdom of East Proctor has conspired to keep it a secret? We have an autopsy report on the murderer who was shot in the act by the local police. We have two witnesses to the crime. You'll forgive me, Mr. Kessler, if I consider your testimony as coming from someone who has gone through a terrible shock. +Sgt. McManus, are you suggesting that David and Jack were, in fact, attacked by some animal and that the officialdom of East Proctor has conspired to keep it a secret? We have an autopsy report on the murderer who was shot in the act by the local police. We have two witnesses to the crime. You'll forgive me, Mr. Kessler, if I consider your testimony as coming from someone who has gone through a terrible shock. Lieutenant, the boy seems pretty lucid to me and... +Lieutenant, the boy seems pretty lucid to me and... And what, Sergeant? +And what, Sergeant? I don't rightly know, sir. +I don't rightly know, sir. That is precisely my point. David, as far as we are concerned, the matter is closed. We won't trouble you any further. Good day. +I cannot accept a connection between David Kessler and last night's murders. We will find him, however. I can assure you of that. We'll find him, not to worry. +Hello, Tom. You here again? What do you want? +What do you suppose anybody wants? Money, money, money! Listen, I told you I wasn't interested in that deal, didn't I? +Listen, I told you I wasn't interested in that deal, didn't I? I want to know why . +Tom, I never had trouble getting credit from you before. When I was flat broke you gave me all the money I wanted. Now I come to you with a swell deal, and the greatest— I'll tell you why. I don't like the crowd you're mixed up with. Personally, you can have all the credit you want. But for that deal - not a cent. +I'll tell you why. I don't like the crowd you're mixed up with. Personally, you can have all the credit you want. But for that deal - not a cent. But listen, Tom, I— +What's the idea of turning her down? It sounds like a perfectly safe investment. She's a widow. I don't like taking mortgages from widows. +She's a widow. I don't like taking mortgages from widows. Why not? +If she can't pay, I'll have to foreclose, won't I? Yes - sure— +Yes - sure— Yeah - sure! +Oscar, what's the matter? I was the first one to see it. I was coming down the stairs, and there was the watchman lying dead at my feet. +I was the first one to see it. I was coming down the stairs, and there was the watchman lying dead at my feet. No kidding? +No kidding? No kidding. When I saw it, you could'a knocked me over with a pin. +No kidding. When I saw it, you could'a knocked me over with a pin. Where's Matt? +Where's Matt? Matt? +Matt? Yeah. He'll have a tough time thinking up a wise-crack for this one . . . +Yeah. He'll have a tough time thinking up a wise-crack for this one . . . The detectives got Matt up there in Sampson's office. +The detectives got Matt up there in Sampson's office. He has? +He has? Yeah. +Say Matt, I'll have to have some money for those Manville payrolls. How much? +How much? About twenty-four thousand. +About twenty-four thousand. It was more than that last week. +It was more than that last week. Yeah. +Yeah. Here's twenty-five thousand. +Say, do me a favor, will you Charlie? Yeah. +Yeah. Let me have ten bucks? +Let me have ten bucks? Ten bucks? Say, if I had ten bucks, I'd quit. +Ten bucks? Say, if I had ten bucks, I'd quit. Charlie! +Charlie! Yeah? +I'll pay it back to you Saturday - on the level I will. Give a guy a break, will you? I've got to get it back in my account. If Helen ever finds out that I— Baby, I can't give you anything but love... +Whose death? It'll be yours if you don't kick in with that ten bucks. +It'll be yours if you don't kick in with that ten bucks. Say pal, did you ever hear of a Depression? +Say pal, did you ever hear of a Depression? Aw, nerts! +Where you been? Where do you think I've been? I took the baby for a stroll in the park. +What's the matter, Charlie? I'm fourteen cents out, and it took me half an hour to find the mistake. And me with a date, too. +I'm fourteen cents out, and it took me half an hour to find the mistake. And me with a date, too. I remember once when your account checked. +I remember once when your account checked. Yeah. +And listen, wise guy - I'm setting friend time clock for exactly nine o'clock, so no squawks out of you guys in the morning. Say, don't annoy me. I got troubles of my own. +Mr. Dickson in yet? Not yet, Mr. Clark. +Not yet, Mr. Clark. When he comes in, tell him we're waiting for him in the board room. +When he comes in, tell him we're waiting for him in the board room. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. And tell him not to delay. +And tell him not to delay. Yes, sir. +Personally, I think you're getting panic-stricken about nothing. Dickson's all right. Oh, is he? We carry more unsecured paper than any other institution in the city. We're fools to tolerate it. +Don't make me laugh, Schultz! Dickson doesn't have to go. But he must agree to this merger with New York Trust— +Dickson doesn't have to go. But he must agree to this merger with New York Trust— What good will that do? +What good will that do? What good will that do? Why, it will take control away from him. We'll put somebody else in charge, call in all doubtful loans, and be on safe ground again. That's what good it will do! +How are you protecting your depositors? By making a lot of idiotic loans! Take it easy, Clark. +You know Dickson as well as we do. He'll shut the doors before he gives up control. All right, let him! I'm sick and tired of hearing about him. If he wants to run the bank, let him do it. I don't want any part of it. +Say, you know, I found out something yesterday about hitting a golf ball. You've got to hit with the left hand, and from the inside out, it's the only way you can hit anything— I think, Mr. Dickson, we would like to have a little of your very valuable time here at the bank this morning, if you don't mind. +I think, Mr. Dickson, we would like to have a little of your very valuable time here at the bank this morning, if you don't mind. Oh, you would, eh? All right. If it's more important than golf, go ahead. What's on your mind? +What's the matter with my policy? How many losses has this bank taken in the last twenty-five years? I'll tell you. Not a single one! What's wrong with that kind of banking? Just pure luck! +Character, hmmpf! That's your idea? Not at all. That's Alexander Hamilton's idea[5] - the finest banking mind this country has ever known. Those are his exact words, gentlemen. Character! It's the only thing you can bank on, and it's the only thing that will pull this country out of the doldrums. +Most of the creditors I know personally. I've seen them grow up in the community. I knew their fathers and mothers before them. I know, Dickson. That's all very well. But you're taking too many chances. In these times a bank should keep liquid in case of trouble. In case of emergency! +I'm running this bank my way. Get that clear! Gentlemen, you notice Mr. Dickson refuses to consider our wishes. He refuses an offer to merge with the New York Trust - the only thing that will put this bank on safe ground. He insists upon running a bank on so flimsy a thing as . . . as faith! +Gentlemen, you notice Mr. Dickson refuses to consider our wishes. He refuses an offer to merge with the New York Trust - the only thing that will put this bank on safe ground. He insists upon running a bank on so flimsy a thing as . . . as faith! Yes! You said it, Clark. That's the only thing that means anything to me. +We want to talk to you. What about? +What about? We'll discuss that in the board room. +We'll be forced to shut the doors. I've worked twenty-five years night and day to keep this bank alive. You've all made money out of it. Are you willing to help? What do you mean, help? +What do you mean, help? I know that among you, you have at least a million dollars in various banks throughout the city. Get that money over here and I'll stop this run within five minutes. +I know that among you, you have at least a million dollars in various banks throughout the city. Get that money over here and I'll stop this run within five minutes. That sounds very simple, Dickson, but why should we jeopardize our personal fortunes? +That sounds very simple, Dickson, but why should we jeopardize our personal fortunes? I have everything I own in it. It's your bank as well as mine, isn't it? +The depositors you were protecting were the first ones to pounce on you. You thought they were your friends. Why don't you go out there now and try and get some help from them? Aw, they've gone crazy. You can't reason with a mob. +Aw, they've gone crazy. You can't reason with a mob. No. You can't reason with anyone else when you're in a jam. We pleaded with you to keep liquid, but you wouldn't listen to us. You preached to us about faith and a lot of other rubbish. Now you want our help. You want us to throw a lot of cash into a bank that you've wrecked. All right. There's one way you can get it. Give us an option on your stock and resign as president. +No. You can't reason with anyone else when you're in a jam. We pleaded with you to keep liquid, but you wouldn't listen to us. You preached to us about faith and a lot of other rubbish. Now you want our help. You want us to throw a lot of cash into a bank that you've wrecked. All right. There's one way you can get it. Give us an option on your stock and resign as president. So, that's it, eh? You've waited a long time for this chance, haven't you? Well, I'm not going to resign now - or ever. +Say, you can't do that— I can't? You just wait and see. If that run doesn't stop within the next hour, I'll shut the doors. You know what that means? The bank examiner will step in tomorrow. You'll be forced to liquidate. I'll insist upon it. The depositors will be paid one hundred cents on the dollar. What's left you gentlemen can have. But I'll guarantee there won't be enough to pay your next month's garage bill. +Dickson, I'd like to talk to you about the bank. The bank. All right. Do anything you want with it. +Come out here you pawnbrokers - take a look at this! We've been waiting fifteen minutes— +We've been waiting fifteen minutes— You know what you can do with that! Come on, take a look at this! You'll see a demonstration of faith that's worth more than all the collateral in the world. +I hope you don't mind me asking you a few questions, Mr. Cluett. Of course, yes. Just what would you like to know, Inspector? +Of course, yes. Just what would you like to know, Inspector? Where were you at twelve o'clock last night? +Where were you at twelve o'clock last night? That's very simple. I was home. +That is simple, isn't it? I assume you can prove that if necessary. Oh yes, of course. There was someone with me. A lady. +Oh yes, of course. There was someone with me. A lady. Looks like you're going to have no trouble at all. What was the lady's name, Mr. Cluett? +Looks like you're going to have no trouble at all. What was the lady's name, Mr. Cluett? If you don't mind, Inspector, I'd rather not say - that is, unless it becomes absolutely essential. You see, she's married. +If you don't mind, Inspector, I'd rather not say - that is, unless it becomes absolutely essential. You see, she's married. Oh! +Oh! You understand? +You understand? Why, of course. +Thanks. "Somebody must be in good humor. He was humming ""Mother Machree.""" +"Somebody must be in good humor. He was humming ""Mother Machree.""" "It's one of the boys from headquarters. He always sings ""Mother Machree"" whenever he's got good news. Looks like this case'll be settled in no time." +Stand back Inspector, or I'll shoot. Drop that gun. All right, Jack, all right. +Don't be a fool, Cluett. This is only going to make it worse for you. Stand back, Inspector. Let me out of here, or I'll shoot you! +What were you doing at Finlay's this morning? They took my keys yesterday. I went there to get them back. +I was crazy, I tell you, Mr. Dickson. I didn't know what I was doing. I wandered around in a daze. All I could think of was that they were going to kill me . . . You'll stand by me, won't you, Mr. Dickson? You won't go back on me now, will you? I'll die if they send me to prison! Don't forget there's a dead watchman downstairs. +Don't forget there's a dead watchman downstairs. I didn't kill him! I had nothing to do with that, I tell you! I was home in my apartment last night - I can prove it! +I didn't kill him! I had nothing to do with that, I tell you! I was home in my apartment last night - I can prove it! Claims he was there with a married woman. Doesn't want to mention her name. +Claims he was there with a married woman. Doesn't want to mention her name. He won't believe it, Mr. Dickson. But it's the truth - honest it is. I was in my apartment last night - ask your wife - she— +Confessed! Cluett, in heaven's name, what got into you? I don't know. It's all been like a crazy nightmare, Mr. Dickson. +I don't know. It's all been like a crazy nightmare, Mr. Dickson. What happened? You're not a thief. How'd you get mixed up with these kind of people? +What happened? You're not a thief. How'd you get mixed up with these kind of people? Gambling - I owed them a lot of money. Last week I lost over fifty thousand dollars! +Gambling - I owed them a lot of money. Last week I lost over fifty thousand dollars! Fifty thousand dollars! +Fifty thousand dollars! But I didn't kill that man last night. Honest I didn't, Mr. Dickson! +What was my wife doing in your apartment last night? Nothing, nothing, Mr. Dickson. Don't pay any attention to me. I don't know what I'm saying. +Nothing, nothing, Mr. Dickson. Don't pay any attention to me. I don't know what I'm saying. You just mentioned her name. What was she doing there? What was she doing in your apartment? +You just mentioned her name. What was she doing there? What was she doing in your apartment? She just came up for a drink. Just for a few minutes. +She wasn't to blame, Mr. Dickson. It wasn't her fault. Honest, it wasn't. I begged her to come up. She didn't— Get out, get out! +You know what we do to welchers, Cluett, don't you? I know, I know, Dude. Oh, I must have been crazy! I lost my head completely! +I know, I know, Dude. Oh, I must have been crazy! I lost my head completely! That's your funeral. We've got fifty thousand dollars comin' to us. +That's your funeral. We've got fifty thousand dollars comin' to us. I haven't got it. +Then what did you want to gamble for? If you'd have beat us out of fifty G's, you'd have been paid, wouldn't you? Well, we want our dough. I'm sorry, Dude, but—I— +I'm sorry, Dude, but—I— That don't do us any good. +That don't do us any good. But after all, you can't take blood from a stone. +But after all, you can't take blood from a stone. We can take blood from anything — If it's comin' to us. +Good heavens, man! You're not suggesting that I— Why not? +Why not? Why, I couldn't do that . . . ! +Why, I couldn't do that . . . ! You don't have to do nothing. +What do you mean? All you gotta do is fix a few things for us , and we'll do the rest, see? +Dude - there's not any chance of my becoming involved in this, is there? You? No, you'll be all right, so long as you establish an alibi for tonight. +You? No, you'll be all right, so long as you establish an alibi for tonight. know, but— +know, but— Be sure you're with somebody responsible in case any questions are asked. Understand? +Be sure you're with somebody responsible in case any questions are asked. Understand? But Dude, listen - couldn't we make this some other time? +But Dude, listen - couldn't we make this some other time? Listen, buddy, you're getting by pretty easy. Quit squawking! +This won't do. Not during business hours . . . Why, I needed a— +What is the matter with you? You're trembling? Am I? Why, I - I don't know any reason why I should be, unless of course it's you . . . +Am I? Why, I - I don't know any reason why I should be, unless of course it's you . . . Me? +Me? Being alone with you has always done this to me. You know that. +Being alone with you has always done this to me. You know that. For a celebrated bounder, that is an awful admission. Besides, I never knew that any female could do this to you . +For a celebrated bounder, that is an awful admission. Besides, I never knew that any female could do this to you . Well, you can. You always could. +Well, you can. You always could. Liar! You're just suffering from lack of sleep. +Here, here, here, now! Don't you go back to work on me, too. I'm getting tired of this. Besides, it's beginning to affect your looks— What is? +What is? —running around. Not your work. You'd better start reforming, Cyril! +—running around. Not your work. You'd better start reforming, Cyril! If I thought you were the slightest bit interested, I would. +If I thought you were the slightest bit interested, I would. Not bad, not bad at all. Do you know something? I've always been curious about your line. +Not bad, not bad at all. Do you know something? I've always been curious about your line. Line? +Line? Whatever it is that makes you such a riot with women. +Come on Cyril, try a little bit of it out on me. I haven't had any first-class blarney thrown at me since the day I was married. But you see, it isn't blarney where you're concerned. +But you see, it isn't blarney where you're concerned. Now let me see, what comes next? Oh yes, I know - what are you doing tonight, Phyllis? +Doesn't that come next? Yes, yes, it does. What are you doing tonight, Phyllis? +Yes, yes, it does. What are you doing tonight, Phyllis? See, we're getting along famously! +Oh! Oh, no! I think I've done enough experimenting for one day. Congratulations, Cyril. You've convinced me that you're a philanderer of the very first order. I shall recommend you highly. Please, please don't laugh at me, Phyllis. I must see you tonight! +But I'm giving a party for him - a real, old-fashioned surprise party. Caps, bells, whistles, and everything. I'm really terribly excited about it. I've been planning it for months. Well— +Well— Well, what? +Well, what? Well, aren't you going to invite me? +Well, aren't you going to invite me? You? No can do. It's all set. Just a few of Tom's closest friends. +You? No can do. It's all set. Just a few of Tom's closest friends. Now Phyllis, if you don't invite me, I'm coming anyway. +Now Phyllis, if you don't invite me, I'm coming anyway. Don't be silly, Cyril. These are respectable people. They'd probably bore you to death. +Don't be silly, Cyril. These are respectable people. They'd probably bore you to death. No, they won't. Not when you are there. Oh, please, be a sport. Please ask me. +No, they won't. Not when you are there. Oh, please, be a sport. Please ask me. Why are you so anxious? +Why are you so anxious? Don't you know? +Don't you know? No. +No. I want to be near you! +What? Don't you know I've been crazy about you for years? +Don't you know I've been crazy about you for years? Now wait a minute, wait a minute... +Now wait a minute, wait a minute... I've loved you ever since I can remember, long before you married Tom Dickson. +I've loved you ever since I can remember, long before you married Tom Dickson. Why, Cyril, you're insane— +Why, Cyril, you're insane— No. No, I'm not. I deliberately avoided you. I was afraid of making a fool of myself. But I won't stand it any longer— +No. No, I'm not. I deliberately avoided you. I was afraid of making a fool of myself. But I won't stand it any longer— Cyril! +What's this? My apartment. +My apartment. I knew I couldn't trust you. You told me you were taking me home. +I knew I couldn't trust you. You told me you were taking me home. Come on up for just a few minutes. We'll have just one drink, then we'll go. +Come on up for just a few minutes. We'll have just one drink, then we'll go. No. I know the answer to that one. I think you'd better take me home. +No. I know the answer to that one. I think you'd better take me home. What's the matter? Afraid papa will spank? +What's the matter? Afraid papa will spank? No. No, I'm afraid papa isn't that much interested. He's too busy rushing off to Philadelphia to make stuffy, old speeches at stuffy, old bankers' meetings. Too busy closing big, important deals— I think I will have a drink. +No. No, I'm afraid papa isn't that much interested. He's too busy rushing off to Philadelphia to make stuffy, old speeches at stuffy, old bankers' meetings. Too busy closing big, important deals— I think I will have a drink. Good for you. Come on. +You know, there ought to be a Congressional Medal for men like you. America's comfort to misunderstood wives. I never thought I would find myself in that class. Oh, you're not so badly off. There's something much worse than being a misunderstood wife. +Oh, you're not so badly off. There's something much worse than being a misunderstood wife. What is that, Mr. Bones?[7] +What is that, Mr. Bones?[7] A misunderstood bachelor. +And now fair woman, I have you in my power. I'm not afraid of you. You haven't got a moustache! +I'm not afraid of you. You haven't got a moustache! I'll grow a moustache by the time you get out of here. +Why, Matt! What are you doing here? +Are the payrolls ready for tomorrow? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Let me see your cash book, will you? +Let me see your cash book, will you? Now? +Now? Yes, now. +The butler said I could stay. I told him it was important. Oh, yeah? +Well, I thought I'd like to have a little talk with you. I'm listening. +I'm listening. It's funny - now that I'm here, I don't know just how to go about it. You see, I kind of expected to find you here alone. +Anything you have to say to me, you can say in the morning. Oh no, Mr. Cluett, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not wait. It's about you and Mrs. Dickson. +I'm not interested in what you think. You've no right to do this to her, Mr. Cluett. Why don't you think it over? It's only gonna get you into a lot of trouble. +You've no right to do this to her, Mr. Cluett. Why don't you think it over? It's only gonna get you into a lot of trouble. I tell you, I'm not interested in your opinion. +I tell you, I'm not interested in your opinion. No? Then maybe you'll understand, Mrs. Dickson. Oh, gee, he's crazy about you. Nobody knows it better than you. If he ever finds out, it'll kill him. +Phyllis, you don't have to explain anything. You'd do well to mind your own business. This is my business. Mr. Dickson's been like a father to me. What has he ever done to you to deserve a deal like this? +This is my business. Mr. Dickson's been like a father to me. What has he ever done to you to deserve a deal like this? That will be just about enough! Now get out of here! +That will be just about enough! Now get out of here! I guess I have said enough I'm just wasting my breath talking to you. +Good morning, Mr. Dickson. John, how's your wife this morning? +John, how's your wife this morning? Much better this morning, thank you. +Much better this morning, thank you. Got a handkerchief? +Excuse me— Wait a minute. How do you feel this morning? +Wait a minute. How do you feel this morning? I'm feeling fine this morning. +I'm feeling fine this morning. That makes it unanimous. I feel all right too. +That makes it unanimous. I feel all right too. Thank you! +Shall we let the people come in? Of course, let them in! You're late now. +Good morning, Mr. Dickson. My wife is much better this morning. Well, that's too bad. Mine's all right too. +Well, look who's here! Hello, dear. Hello, darling. +If this isn't a red-letter day for Tom Dickson! First I trample on the Board of Directors, then I promote Matt here to assistant cashier, and now to complete the day I have a visit from my sweet and lovely and gorgeous wife. What a man, what a man! It's amazing that your sweet, lovely, gorgeous wife can ever get to see you. +It's amazing that your sweet, lovely, gorgeous wife can ever get to see you. Oooh! That has the earmarks! +What's the matter dear? What have I done now? Nothing. Tom, I thought you were going out with me tonight. +Nothing. Tom, I thought you were going out with me tonight. Oh, I did have a date with you tonight, didn't I? +Oh, I did have a date with you tonight, didn't I? Yes. +Yes. I'm terribly sorry. I'd forgotten all about you. I'm so sorry, dear. +Now Tom, you simply cannot go to Philadelphia tonight. That's all there is to it. But I have to go, dear. It's a very important banker's meeting. +But I have to go, dear. It's a very important banker's meeting. I don't care whether it's important or not. You said you were going out with me, and if you hadn't promised so faithfully, I wouldn't have gone and planned the whole thing. +I don't care whether it's important or not. You said you were going out with me, and if you hadn't promised so faithfully, I wouldn't have gone and planned the whole thing. Listen, it isn't so terribly important. We can go to the theatre any time. +Listen, it isn't so terribly important. We can go to the theatre any time. The theatre? +The theatre? That's what it was you planned, wasn't it? +That's what it was you planned, wasn't it? Yes, of course. +Yes, of course. You can take some of the girls. You can take Mildred - or Gwynn— +You can take some of the girls. You can take Mildred - or Gwynn— The girls! I don't suppose it ever occurred to you that I might go out and find myself an attractive young man . . . +Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho, ho, ho, yourself! I wouldn't laugh if I were you. You may not suspect it, but I'm still attractive - to some. +Ho, ho, ho, yourself! I wouldn't laugh if I were you. You may not suspect it, but I'm still attractive - to some. Listen, don't go around being attractive to anyone but me . . . +Listen, don't go around being attractive to anyone but me . . . Well . . . +Well . . . Don't you forget that I'm still the head man around here too. Now we'll get the tickets changed for tomorrow night. You and I are going out together. How's that? +Don't you forget that I'm still the head man around here too. Now we'll get the tickets changed for tomorrow night. You and I are going out together. How's that? Tomorrow night? +All right. I'll postpone the whole thing until tomorrow night. Happy now? +Happy now? No. +Listen, dear. I want to ask you something. I know it's a silly thing for me to ask you, but . . . I want you to tell me the truth. Where were you last night? Last night? Er - why - uh, last night . . . +Last night? Er - why - uh, last night . . . Listen, dear. Now tell me the truth about this. Were you in Cluett's apartment? +Listen, dear. Now tell me the truth about this. Were you in Cluett's apartment? In Cluett's apartment? Well dear, you see, I . . . I . . . +Good morning. Helen, you're becoming more beautiful every day. What are we going to do about it? +Helen, you're becoming more beautiful every day. What are we going to do about it? I don't know. +I don't know. Guess we'll just have to sacrifice the bank. When are you and Matt going to get married? +Guess we'll just have to sacrifice the bank. When are you and Matt going to get married? Why - well, I— +Why - well, I— Ummm. Stalling, eh? Anything new? +Ummm. Stalling, eh? Anything new? Why, the directors are waiting for you in the board room. +Why, the directors are waiting for you in the board room. Directors, eh? Long faces? +Longer. I haven't got any new stories for them this morning, either. +Helen, tell Matt I want to see him. Yes, sir. +Oh, Mr. Dickson - they're going to arrest Matt. They think he did it! Where is he now? +Where is he now? In Mr. Sampson's office. +In Mr. Sampson's office. Now don't you worry about it. +Come on in here, Helen. Bring your book. I want some numbers to try to get some action. Get Parker at the Union-Leeds - the Exchange . . . Winslow and old man Harris at the Home Mortgage. Snap into it, Helen. Just as quick as you can. Yes, sir. +You want the rest of those numbers, Mr. Dickson? Numbers? No, never mind. +Good morning, Helen. Good morning. +Good morning. Say, I know what's the matter with you. Matt! +Oh! Oh, no! It's not for you. You're only going to get married. Mrs. Dickson and I are going to go on the honeymoon. +Yes? Helen, I'm going to Philadelphia, just as soon as the bank closes. Make all the arrangements, will you? +Helen, I'm going to Philadelphia, just as soon as the bank closes. Make all the arrangements, will you? Yes, sir. +Yes? Mr. Sampson . . . +Mr. Sampson . . . All right. Send him in. +Helen! Yes? +Yes? Get Mrs. Dickson on the phone. +Good morning, Mrs. Pembroke. Good morning, Mr. Dickson. +Good morning, Mr. Dickson. Got my letter? +Got my letter? Yes, thank you. +Yes, thank you. Hello, Helen. +Mr. Dickson? Ah, Mrs. Pembroke. I spoke to Mr. Schaffer at the Guaranty. He's going to take care of that mortgage for you . . . +But, Mr. Dickson, I thought you were going to take care of the mortgage. I only want ten thousand. The property is worth sixty. Mr. Schaffer will take good care of you. He'll give you fifteen - maybe twenty . . . +Wait a minute. Where's your uniform? I haven't any. +I haven't any. You haven't got a uniform? +You haven't got a uniform? No, sir. +No, sir. My goodness, you ought to have a uniform. How much does one cost? +My goodness, you ought to have a uniform. How much does one cost? Why, I don't know. +Why, I don't know. You see Sampson. Tell him I sent you. You've got to have a uniform. +Oh, make that uniform blue. Yes, sir. +Well, well, well - got your uniform, eh? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Looks good. How much did it cost? +Looks good. How much did it cost? I don't know. Mr. Sampson bought it for me. +It's all right. Thanks. And what's more, keep up the good work and who knows - some day you'll be the fellow sitting behind that desk . . . Not a bad thought, eh? +What's the matter? You don't seem very excited about it. Sure, I think it's swell. +Sure, I think it's swell. Say, come on. Show a little enthusiasm. What's the matter? Are you sick or something? Go on, fake it - even if it isn't real. +Aw, I'm sorry, Mr. Dickson. It's just kind of sudden, that's all. Sure, I'm excited. I think it's great. Only, well, you've done so much for me already . . . I'll never be able to thank you enough. Aw, go on, forget it. You came through, didn't you? That's all I wanted. A lot of them didn't think you would. You don't know how much satisfaction it's been to me. It's been swell. Well, when are you and Helen going to get married? +Aw, go on, forget it. You came through, didn't you? That's all I wanted. A lot of them didn't think you would. You don't know how much satisfaction it's been to me. It's been swell. Well, when are you and Helen going to get married? Well, I— +Well, I— I suppose you want me to fix that up for you too, eh? +I already told him I was home. There you are. +Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Matt, do you realize you're up against something? You're being charged with murder. It's serious, son. Now come on, I know you didn't do it. But we've got to make them believe it. Come on, tell the truth, where were you last night? I can't tell you. +No. I won't. You're protecting somebody. +You're protecting somebody. No, I'm not Mr. Dickson! +No, I'm not Mr. Dickson! Yes, you are. You're protecting somebody. Now listen, it doesn't make any difference who it is. It can't be as important as this. Now come on, tell me. Where were you last night? Come on, don't be a fool. Matt, you trust me, don't you? +We haven't got much time left, Mr. Dickson. We've got to do something quick or it'll be too late. Why wouldn't you tell me where you were last night? +Why wouldn't you tell me where you were last night? You're not giving up, are you, Mr. Dickson? +You're not giving up, are you, Mr. Dickson? Were you in Cluett's apartment? +Were you in Cluett's apartment? Oh, I can explain about that later. You're losing your bank - don't you realize what that means? +Oh, I can explain about that later. You're losing your bank - don't you realize what that means? Was Mrs. Dickson there? +Was Mrs. Dickson there? Listen, Mr. Dickson, don't let them lick you just because a couple of big shots turned you down. You've got more friends than anybody in this town. Little guys - guys who wouldn't be in business if it weren't for you. All you've got to do is— +Listen, Mr. Dickson, don't let them lick you just because a couple of big shots turned you down. You've got more friends than anybody in this town. Little guys - guys who wouldn't be in business if it weren't for you. All you've got to do is— Wait a minute. Answer my question. Was Mrs. Dickson there? +Wait a minute. Answer my question. Was Mrs. Dickson there? Well . . . uh . . . I . . . +Well . . . uh . . . I . . . She was, wasn't she? How long has this been going on? Do you know? +She was, wasn't she? How long has this been going on? Do you know? Aw, I don't know what you're talking about. All I know is that you're losing your bank and— +Aw, I don't know what you're talking about. All I know is that you're losing your bank and— All right. That's all. Please, Matt. +I want you both to take the day off. Go downtown and get a license and get married right away! But I haven't . . . +But I haven't . . . I don't want to hear any more about it. If you don't get married, I'll fire both of you. +Helen, while you're downtown, you might stop in and make reservations for the bridal suite on the Berengaria sailing next week. Gee, thanks, Mr. Dickson— +What's the matter? What's going on here? This is ridiculous! You can't hold this boy on a vague suspicion. I'm afraid I must, Mr. Dickson. +I'm afraid I must, Mr. Dickson. Why pick on him ? +Why pick on him ? It's an inside job. That's a cinch. Whoever did it had a pretty good picture of the layout. Now Brown, here, is in charge of the vaults, isn't he? +It's an inside job. That's a cinch. Whoever did it had a pretty good picture of the layout. Now Brown, here, is in charge of the vaults, isn't he? Yes. +What time did this thing happen? The clock opposite the vault was stopped by a bullet at 12:09. +The clock opposite the vault was stopped by a bullet at 12:09. All right. If the boy proves an alibi, he's all right, isn't he? +All right. If the boy proves an alibi, he's all right, isn't he? If he can do it, yes. +If he can do it, yes. Why, certainly he can. Matt, now all you've got to do is tell them where you were last night, between twelve and twelve-thirty, and everything will be all right. +That's what he says. I got a man from headquarters checking up on it now. Good. You've got nothing to worry about. Soon as the report comes in, you'll be released. And listen, don't talk so loud. Take it easy. Coast a little. +All I know is the bank's been robbed and a murder's been committed. The way I see it, Brown here looks guilty. What are you talking about? He had no more to do with it than you did. +What are you talking about? He had no more to do with it than you did. Maybe. But I'm taking no chances. Why, this kid's got a record. +Maybe. But I'm taking no chances. Why, this kid's got a record. So have you. So have I. So's everybody got a record. What difference does that make? You can't go around pinning crimes on people just because they— +Of course it's true - and he knows it. Listen, Matt. If you don't tell the truth, I can't help you. Where were you last night? +You were right, Mr. Dickson! Brown didn't have anything to do with it. Here's your man. Why, you must be crazy. I've known this man for years. +Why, you must be crazy. I've known this man for years. He's just confessed. He's been mixed up with the toughest gangsters in town. +My wife? What's she got to do with you? No wonder he didn't want to mention her name. +You're lying! Don't worry, Mr. Dickson. We'll find out whether he's telling the truth. I'll have a man from headquarters check up on it right away. +Don't worry, Mr. Dickson. We'll find out whether he's telling the truth. I'll have a man from headquarters check up on it right away. You don't want to check up on anybody. I'll do all the checking up. Wait a minute. +Well, Sampson, what is it? Here's the data on the Clyde deal. +Good. I'll take this along with me. Tell Clyde I'll see him tomorrow. I'm sick and tired of the delay. I'm afraid he's been stalling. +I'm afraid he's been stalling. That's just exactly what he has been doing. This deal should have been closed weeks ago. Tell him to keep tomorrow open . . . +That's just exactly what he has been doing. This deal should have been closed weeks ago. Tell him to keep tomorrow open . . . He says he can't get away in the daytime. +He says he can't get away in the daytime. How about his nights? He's too busy running around. Tell him to keep tomorrow night open, come in and sign this thing, or I'll call this whole deal off. +How about his nights? He's too busy running around. Tell him to keep tomorrow night open, come in and sign this thing, or I'll call this whole deal off. Yes, sir. +The lobby's half filled now. What are you talking about? +They've been coming in steady all morning. I have called for some extra police. All right. Send down to the vaults and have our reserve cash sent up here right away. +All right. Send down to the vaults and have our reserve cash sent up here right away. We haven't much on hand, you know. If it gets any worse, I hope we don't have to close the doors. +The bank's reputation wouldn't be worth a nickel after that. This is just a flurry, that's all. They've heard about the robbery and got panic-stricken. Listen, get a hold of our available securities and have them turned into cash. Wait a minute. Get my personal stuff and have that turned into cash too. Tell the boys anyone caught arguing with a depositor will be fired on the spot. Yes, sir. +Look at them, Mr. Dickson. They're going crazy. Did you get the case for the securities? +Did you get the case for the securities? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Mine too? +Mine too? Yes, sir. But soon as our money runs out, they'll mob the place. +The fools! If they only knew it, they're making things worse for themselves. Somebody starts a silly rumor, and they lose their heads. What'll we do? +What'll we do? I'll talk to them. Listen, go back and tell the boys to stall as much as possible. Tell 'em not to pay any attention to what I said. Tell 'em to verify every signature. +We can't keep open till four o'clock. We haven't cash enough to last an hour. Don't you think I know it? +Mr. Dickson! Mr. Dickson! Get all the big bills in the place. Take them out and get them changed. Get nothing but ones and fives. Distribute them among the tellers. Tell them to take their time. Stall as much as possible. Count and recount the money. +Get all the big bills in the place. Take them out and get them changed. Get nothing but ones and fives. Distribute them among the tellers. Tell them to take their time. Stall as much as possible. Count and recount the money. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. I hate to do this, but I've got to have time to dig up some help. I think I know where I can get some real cash. Snap into it, Sampson. We will lick this thing yet. +Yes, ma'am, you can deposit your money here. Is it safe? +Is it safe? Absolutely. +Absolutely. It's his life insurance money, you know. +Quiet down, please! Take it easy, folks. Everything will be all right. But you said it would be safe! It's his life insurance money. Oh, please, I'll go to the Old Ladies' Home if you don't do something, please! +But you said it would be safe! It's his life insurance money. Oh, please, I'll go to the Old Ladies' Home if you don't do something, please! Please, lady. Please be quiet. Everything will be all right. Open up here, folks. All right, folks, please! +How-do-you-do, Mrs. Dickson. Is that busy husband of mine busy? +Is that busy husband of mine busy? He's at a board meeting. +He's at a board meeting. Board meeting. Oh, that means hours, I suppose. +Board meeting. Oh, that means hours, I suppose. I'm afraid so. +I'm afraid so. Helen, did you ever try competing with a bank? +Helen, did you ever try competing with a bank? No. +No. Well, take my word for it, and don't try it. It's useless! If it were some other woman, I could handle her, but after all, you can't scratch a bank's eyes out now, can you? +Well, take my word for it, and don't try it. It's useless! If it were some other woman, I could handle her, but after all, you can't scratch a bank's eyes out now, can you? Hardly. +Oh, well. I guess the only other thing for me to do is to go out and buy myself a few sticks of dynamite. When he comes out, you tell him I'll be back. He hasn't gotten rid of me! All right. +Hello, Helen! Matt, come here! +Matt, come here! Why? +Why? Come here, honey! +Hey, look out, somebody's likely to see us! Oh, is that so? +What did you do with it? With what? +With what? The ten dollars. +The ten dollars. Oh, ten dollars— +Oh, ten dollars— Yes. +Yes. A friend of mine - yeah, really - his mother was terribly sick and she was dying, would you believe it? +No. Oh, you think I'm lying? +Oh, you think I'm lying? Yes. +Yes. All right, I'm lying. Don't forget you called me a liar. +All right, I'm lying. Don't forget you called me a liar. Oh, Matt. +Say, I just heard the merger isn't going thru. Isn't that grand? Yeah, swell. +What happened? What did he say? Did you get the job? Yeah. +What's the matter, Matt? Gee, I thought you'd be thrilled to death. Come here. You know, a few minutes ago I was in Cluett's office and Mrs. Dickson was there. +Come here. You know, a few minutes ago I was in Cluett's office and Mrs. Dickson was there. Well . . . ? +Well . . . ? Well, he was making love to her. +Oh Matt, you must be mistaken. I tell you, I saw them! +In Cluett's office? Yes, right in his office, the rat. I'd like to take a crack at that guy. +What's keeping you? Oh, Charlie again. +Oh, Charlie again. Say Matt, you haven't done anything about what you saw today, have you? +Say Matt, you haven't done anything about what you saw today, have you? Who? Cluett? No, not yet. But I'd like to take a crack at that stiff- necked, horse dollar.[6] +Who? Cluett? No, not yet. But I'd like to take a crack at that stiff- necked, horse dollar.[6] Oh now, don't be silly. +Oh now, don't be silly. Can you imagine that guy? He was kissing her. +Can you imagine that guy? He was kissing her. Now you've got me worried, dear. Promise me you won't butt in. +Now you've got me worried, dear. Promise me you won't butt in. Okay, honey - but just the same I'd like to take a crack at that— +Shh . . . ! I'll wait for you upstairs. All right, dear. +Oh, Matt . . . Don't cry, honey. Everything's gonna be all right. +What's he doing, honey? Is he getting any help? Something's happened. He isn't trying anymore. +Something's happened. He isn't trying anymore. They must have turned him down. +They must have turned him down. Yes. He called some of the biggest people in town. +Yes. He called some of the biggest people in town. Sure, they'd turn him down. He ought to know that. I'm going in there and talk to him. +Did you talk to him? Yeah. I got an idea. Come on, let's get to a telephone. +Dickson's in a jam I tell you. The run's getting worse. Mr. Williams . . . +Mr. Williams . . . The big guys have got the screws on him. You've got to come through for him, Mr. Conway. He came through for you a hundred times. If his friends don't help him, who is going to help him? +The big guys have got the screws on him. You've got to come through for him, Mr. Conway. He came through for you a hundred times. If his friends don't help him, who is going to help him? Matt, look! There's Mr. Jones! +Did you say Dude Finlay? Yes, why? +Yes, why? He was in the bank yesterday. +He was in the bank yesterday. He was here? +He was here? He came to see Mr. Cluett. +He came to see Mr. Cluett. Are you sure? +Are you sure? Yes, sir. +What did you find out, Mike? I've been trailing the cashier like you told me. You're right about that guy, chief. There's something screwy somewhere. +I've been trailing the cashier like you told me. You're right about that guy, chief. There's something screwy somewhere. Never mind all that. What did you find out? +Never mind all that. What did you find out? He left here about an hour ago and went down to Dude Finlay's joint. +He left here about an hour ago and went down to Dude Finlay's joint. Dude Finlay? +Dude Finlay? Yes, sir. +Do you know this young man, Mrs. Halligan? Sure I do. He has the best room in me house. The one with the fancy wallpaper. +—for the rheumatism, you know. What time was it, Mrs. Halligan? +What time was it, Mrs. Halligan? It was late, I know. The Dooley sisters was already in. They work at a show, you know. +What time was it? Huh? +Huh? What time did Matt Brown get in? +What time did Matt Brown get in? Now, let me see - a half hour after the Dooley sisters - and the Dooley sisters never get home until after— +Now, let me see - a half hour after the Dooley sisters - and the Dooley sisters never get home until after— I don't care about the Dooley sisters - what time did he get in? +I don't care about the Dooley sisters - what time did he get in? That's just what I'm trying to tell you, sir. It was a half hour after the Dooley sisters . . . +That's just what I'm trying to tell you, sir. It was a half hour after the Dooley sisters . . . Was it twelve o'clock? +Yes, I guess it was one, 'cause... It couldn't have been earlier? +It couldn't have been earlier? No. It wasn't earlier because... +No. It wasn't earlier because... Yes, I know. Cause the Dooley sisters weren't in yet. +Yes, I know. Cause the Dooley sisters weren't in yet. No - because me clock struck four, and when it strikes four, it's one. +No - because me clock struck four, and when it strikes four, it's one. There you are! +Listen here, young man - nobody ever called me a liar yet and got away with it— That's all, Mrs. Halligan. Thanks. +You turned off the burglar alarm, you set the time clock, came back at twelve and emptied the boxes, didn't you? wasn't anywhere near this place— +wasn't anywhere near this place— Sit down! When the watchman surprised you, you shot him - what'd you do with the gun? +Sit down! When the watchman surprised you, you shot him - what'd you do with the gun? I didn't do it! I haven't got a gun! +I didn't do it! I haven't got a gun! You used to carry a gun, didn't you? +Then who changed it? I don't know. +So you were home last night? Yes. +Yes. What time did you get in? +What time did you get in? Well, about - uh - eleven o'clock. +Well, about - uh - eleven o'clock. Eleven o'clock, eh? Are you sure it was that? +Eleven o'clock, eh? Are you sure it was that? Yes. +But I wasn't here, Mr. Dickson. Honest I wasn't . . . Then where were you? +You're carrying too much money on you, Hank. You better turn some in tonight. Okay, Matt. +How are you fixed? I'm okay, Matt. +I'm okay, Matt. You've got enough? +That mug reminds me of a guy with his second dollar. Yeah, what did he do with his first one? +Yeah, what did he do with his first one? Bought himself a pocketbook! +Everybody in? I guess so. +I guess so. Where's Charlie? +Where's Charlie? Charlie's upstairs as sore as a pup. He's out fourteen cents, and he can't find it. +Certainly, Mr. Jones! Certainly! Charlie! They're starting to come in already. Yeah. Yeah. Well, listen. Don't waste any time. Get all the money you can lay your hands on, and bring it down here right away. Step on it. +You can ride like that? I said like a Comanche, not this Comanche. +I think I may just go on to the reservation. Tom, I'm this close to coming with you... +I couldn't lose him. Jim Younger, I told you-- +This is healing? Sometimes a wound will kill. +Sometimes a wound will kill. Now you tell us. +Gatling! They've got a Gatling! Dammit, this stopped being fun about two years ago! +He's smiling. Never a good thing. +Never thought that pissant town would look so pretty. Anywhere nobody's shooting at me is pretty. +Your Ma wouldn't let us leave until we ate something. That was two hours ago. +Here's Liberty's favorite son! I'll never forget what you did, cousin. Zee, I'm pleased you came. +Our place, Clell Miller's, Sammy Johnston, the Creeders. Will Hite. The sheriff says it was a gang of drunk Kansas boys. +The sheriff says it was a gang of drunk Kansas boys. I say we ride into town and kill us some Pinkertons and railroad men. +These are deeds and mortgages of farms the bank was holding for the railroad. Better pass them over here before something happens to 'em. +Uhh, yeah it does. You stay out of this, Bob. +No, Jimmy has a point. The Younger-James Gang could be confusing. How? +How? "Say we bust into a bank. We yell ""We're the Younger-James Gang!"" People are gonna be thinking, ""The younger James Gang? Is there an older James Gang? How come we never heard of the older James gang?"" So people are trying to figure that out instead of raising their arms." +We got a problem here, brother? Frankly, yes. I'm feeling a little left out. +That's what the newspapers say. Weren't for Jesse James, this gang wouldn't be able to find a goat's ass with a stick. What? +This is the best score yet. It's still taking too long. The people used to snap to. +It's still taking too long. The people used to snap to. That was because of... the reputation the gang had. +That was because of... the reputation the gang had. As long as people think Jesse's still riding, we will never get the respect we deserve. +As long as people think Jesse's still riding, we will never get the respect we deserve. Cole, we're outlaws. Not exactly the most respectable job, if you know what I mean. +Cole, we're outlaws. Not exactly the most respectable job, if you know what I mean. Leave me alone, Bob. +How'd they -- What have you done? +What have you done? I ain't done -- +I ain't done -- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! +Bob. I didn't... Swear. +Swear. I swear -- +I swear -- Swear on Jimmy's grave. +I'm sorry, Cole. You're just upset about Jesse. We all are. +"Things changed when you quit the gang. For example, I'm now the one who says ""Let's ride.""" He's not bad at it. +He's not bad at it. It's tougher than it looks. +My plan of lying here pissing myself seems to be working mighty fine, thank you. I can hit those boys from here. We just need a distraction. +Yesterday. Well, somebody better go tell THE DAMN YANKEES! +Corn gonna shoot at me? Nope. +Nope. Then I love it. +Jesus mercy, that's Charlie Higgins, Dave Laller ... ... Will Perry ... +Cole, I want to get to the farm, make sure Little Jim and the girls are okay. Stop by our spread after that, tell our Ma we're all right. We'll go to Doc Mimms. +They came up, made the same offer they made you folks. Our little brother Jim tried to chase 'em off, one of those detectives hit him in the head, knocked him out. Cole lost his temper. Oh no... +Oh no... He just lost his temper a little. +Damn! They said because the detectives were working for the Department of the Interior -- +They said because the detectives were working for the Department of the Interior -- The Army can hang him. +The Army can hang him. Tomorrow. +Home. We go home. We ride like hell to get there, and we kill anything or anyone that comes between us and our homes. And when we get there we stay there and God help any fool who tries to get me to leave my farm again. Best damn plan I heard all war. +How many of them did he kill? Two. +You have no shame. Not yet. But I'm hoping. +But if we take their money and supplies... Exactly. +All right, settle down. All this money ain't ours. Well, no, Jesse, it was the bank's. That's why we had to go to all that trouble of stealing it. You explain it to him. +Well, no, Jesse, it was the bank's. That's why we had to go to all that trouble of stealing it. You explain it to him. We oughta take some of this, give it to our neighbors in Liberty. Lot of people hurting up there. +"""The outlaws calling themselves the James-Younger Gang shot their way out of town, wounding the Sherriff and three other townsfolk.""" Hey! +Hey! """Bank officials estimate the loss at fifty thousand dollars.""" +Okay, folks, I think we know how this is going to go... One false move and I'll blow your heads off! +Beg pardon? You heard me, Jesse. You know how crazy I get! +"This is about the ""Wanted!"" Posters, isn't it." Yes. I am obviously not standing out in people's minds at the robberies. +The things a fella has to do to get a little respect around here... You are a fine figure of a man. +You are a fine figure of a man. Listen, Jesse, we've got a problem. It's Cole. +Listen, Jesse, we've got a problem. It's Cole. He's been full of vinegar lately. +He's been full of vinegar lately. He's planning a job. +He's planning a job. What? +What? Listen, he's my brother and I don't want to start trouble... +Listen, he's my brother and I don't want to start trouble... Tell me. +What? You, ya barrel of pork lard. Here piggy piggy! +What you sayin' boy? I think I recognize you. +I think I recognize you. How? +How? I think I saw you leavin' by the front door just as I was coming in the back. +You shut up now, boy. No, really. You're wife said she needed some help, seeing as you were so fat you couldn't find your -- +'Bout time you got here, buddy. What's going on? +Ride with me, cousin? I could use the walk. +I could use the walk. Suit yourself. We'll have some horses waiting for you at the road. Let's ride, Rangers! +Where you boys going? There's Yankees back there. Lot's of 'em. +Home, boys. Back to our farms. Planting corn. Harvesting corn. Year after year. +Hands off your hip, Cole. You're not scared, are you? +You're not scared, are you? Pick your fights, cousin. You taught me that. +Not now. What is wrong with you? +What is wrong with you? In case we have to kill these sonofabitches, I don't want them to see us coming. +You ever notice Zerelda's eyes? She got two of them. +She had a moustache. She was European! +She was European! All right, calm down. I'll agree Sadie was a woman -- +Thanks for the help. After all you did on our farm? You miss it, don't you Jesse? +After all you did on our farm? You miss it, don't you Jesse? The war? What, are you crazy? There are things I miss about it. +The war? What, are you crazy? There are things I miss about it. It was exciting. +It was exciting. But it was a whole lot of killing. Why should we miss that? +Because we were good at it? Hell, we were great at it. Jesse, don't tell anyone I said this, because everybody knows I'm the toughest man in this town, but you are one terrifying sonofabitch with those guns. Yeah. +This isn't a feud, this is war. They've got more men than we do. We kill detectives, they can replace 'em in a day. So what do we do, General Lee? +So what do we do, General Lee? Just like in the war. Harass their supply lines. We kill the railroad's men, they won't care. +I'll pick the first job! I mean... I know a girl down at the bank. See if she can't get a list of towns where the railroad keeps its money. Perfect, Cole. +Perfect, Cole. Let's ride. +The James-Younger Gang. Sorry. +Sorry. Don't let it happen again. +I got seven thousand. I got three. +See, Frank's being smart about this. Just because he reads all those books and knows all those big words doesn't make him smart. +It's not a bank. It's better. It's a construction depot. They'll have the strongbox and some ammo and explosives for us to take. That way we can take on a bigger job. +"""The Fidelity Bank and Trust was robbed on Tuesday by a gang of twenty heavily armed men.""" Twenty?! +Jesse, we got to have a word. Sure, cousin. +Sure, cousin. "All the posters and newspapers are calling this bunch the ""James-Younger Gang.""" +"All the posters and newspapers are calling this bunch the ""James-Younger Gang.""" Yep. +Yep. "Why aren't we the ""Younger-James Gang""? I mean, there's three Younger brothers and only two James brothers here." +This is your fault for hogging all the publicity. Hold on, hold on, we all know Bob is an important part of the gang. +It'll be the biggest score yet. What will be? +Smells funny, it being mentioned in the paper. If you'd read about it first, you'd have no problems. +If you'd read about it first, you'd have no problems. What are you saying? +What are you saying? I've robbed just as many banks as you have! I know this town, and I know this bank, and I say it's an easy job. +I've robbed just as many banks as you have! I know this town, and I know this bank, and I say it's an easy job. You're forgetting who's in charge -- +Beautiful. Now the one time one of us comes up with an idea -- +Now the one time one of us comes up with an idea -- A bad idea. +A bad idea. I got us through the War all right. +I got us through the War all right. And almost got hanged in peacetime. +And almost got hanged in peacetime. That's it. +I'm the better soldier, Jesse. And I'm the better outlaw. +Still smells fishy. Then let me run the show, General Lee. +Fine. We hit this bank. You'll be smiling once you've got all that money to spend, cousin. Cole Younger's going to make everybody rich! +Dammit! A trap. +Okay, you're gonna rest here. Clell, Tom, go get Doc Mimms in Liberty! +Bob, rip up some bandages. Pass me some whisky. +We'll make them pay for this. I'm out. +I'm out. WHAT?! We follow you for a year, and now that our blood's been spilled, you're gonna quit?! +WHAT?! We follow you for a year, and now that our blood's been spilled, you're gonna quit?! Who's next? You? Me? Bob? +Missed you, cousin. Missed you too, cousin. +You know, you gettin' caught, right after leaving us, some people thought -- Pff. All we been through, the thought never crossed my mind. +Where'd you get all these riders? We didn't. Zerelda did. Turns out your wife makes a hell of an outlaw. +Some Indian tracker you turned out to be, Tom. You pay me to find you Bluecoats. There they are. +Wait'll we get back to Missouri, start telling those gals about how little Jesse James charged the whole Union Army by himself! You ride like a Comanche. +Tom, why don't you stop at our spread before you head on out to the reservation? Figure we might have some work for you, if you want. Hmm. Go back to the reservation and get drunk in a dirt shack, or work for you... +Hmm. Go back to the reservation and get drunk in a dirt shack, or work for you... Well? +Well? I'm thinking... +Cannon or Gatling? Both would be nice. +Both would be nice. Soon as I hit one, the other'll know and beat us up. +What the -- Must be a garrison in town. We're in occupied territory, boys. +I think one of 'em's glass. Which one, right or left? +Which one, right or left? The brown one. +Oh, Lord, the dance hall girl at Bunty's... Sadie was not a man! +I have no idea what you just said, but it sounded real nice. Shakespeare. He's European. +Shakespeare. He's European. Ah. +BASTARDS! Come back here and face me! Get buckets! +Hey! We decide something, that's it! We're in this for the long haul, and this idea of me and Jesse's will help give us more places to hide out without worrying about some farmer with a shotgun sneakin' up on us in our sleep. We've got to think -- Strategically. +Strategically. -- Exactly. Because this is a war. +Jesse. Oh, you're in charge? We ain't partners any more, Jesse? You tell Cole Younger where and when to ride? +Oh, you're in charge? We ain't partners any more, Jesse? You tell Cole Younger where and when to ride? Cole, he didn't mean that. +Another dozen out back. They gonna rush us? +They gonna rush us? They're just insurance in case we run. +The safe. Now. Of course! Uh, sir? +Of course! Uh, sir? What? +What? Where is Jesse James? +Where is Jesse James? This here is the Younger Gang! +OPEN THE DAMN SAFE! All right, all right. Jesse James never yelled at folk... +You 'um big lawman? Yeah, Injun. What do you want? +Yeah, Injun. What do you want? Great Chief of St. Louis send me. +Great Chief of St. Louis send me. The District Marshall +Of St. Louis? Ho-yah. Him say tell Big Lawman in Carville that badman Jesse James riding toward Rising Sun, above Great River, near Eagle Rock. +Ho-yah. Him say tell Big Lawman in Carville that badman Jesse James riding toward Rising Sun, above Great River, near Eagle Rock. East? East above the river heading for the Eagle Pass? +East? East above the river heading for the Eagle Pass? Ho-yah! +Go ahead to the saloon. But don't get too drunk! Me get heap firewater -- +I know it ain't no durned bank holiday! You're right, sir. +You're right, sir. Then why can't I go in there? +Then why can't I go in there? On account of we're robbing it. +On account of we're robbing it. Oh. Why didn't you just say so? +Oh. Why didn't you just say so? It's a secret. +It's a secret. Fine. I'll just wait here. +Fine. I'll just wait here. I'd appreciate that. +What the -- What is it? +What is it? Old Man Tucker is just standing quiet outside the bank. +Old Man Tucker is just standing quiet outside the bank. So? +So? When have you ever known Old Man Tucker not to be yelling at everybody? +Where the hell were you? I had you covered. From back there. +I had you covered. From back there. Shit. +-- rode right into them, screaming like a banshee. My little Web did that? +My little Web did that? Pff. He jumped his horse clear over our heads, killed a dozen Union soldiers before they knew what hit them. +Web died fighting? Died a hero. +Boys... Go home, Doc. They ain't gonna hang no more Liberty boys. +What do you say, sir? Go on. You're pretty much all healed up. +You know you're welcome any time! Yesss, but I was thinking, I could come by, and then take Zee out. Some place near. With other folk. Near. Here. But out. +Yesss, but I was thinking, I could come by, and then take Zee out. Some place near. With other folk. Near. Here. But out. It's fine by me, Jesse. +Daddy, don't start with this again. Zerelda, it's no coincidence. The railroad men come through, offering to buy up land. Nobody sells. Then they start hanging men who own farms for treason? +He's going to be fine, right Daddy? The bullet came out clean, but he lost a whole lot of blood. Praying wouldn't hurt. +They're gone. What are you -- I fooled them into thinking I was alone. +I fooled them into thinking I was alone. Well, I hope the boy pulls through. We should know in the morning. +Well, I hope the boy pulls through. We should know in the morning. I think he's already feeling better. +He thinks this is some kind of game! I'm upset too, Zee, but Jesse and Cole know what they're doing. I'm sure they won't press their luck. +Every time I put my head up to hit that Gatling, they try to shoot it off. So we got a plan? +Distracting enough for you? Pff. They hardly even noticed you. +Pff. They hardly even noticed you. So you're saying I could have done more to attract their attention. +So you're saying I could have done more to attract their attention. Mm-hmm. +Mm-hmm. Such as? +Such as? You could have worn one of those big, floppy woman's Easter Sunday hats. +You could have worn one of those big, floppy woman's Easter Sunday hats. That would have made an impression. +That would have made an impression. I figure. +I figure. See, that's your problem, Frank. By the time you finish figuring out stuff, I'm already finished doing it. +See, that's your problem, Frank. By the time you finish figuring out stuff, I'm already finished doing it. No, Jesse, your problem is you're always doing stuff before I'm finished figuring it out. +Web's dead. I reckoned. +I reckoned. Hell of a war. +Hell of a war. I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time. +Hello, Liberty Missoura! All this time in the saddle... We get to the farm, I'm going to shoot this damn horse just on principle. +Looks like Web Mimms wasn't the only casualty this town's got. We better go to Doc's, see what's going on here. +Frank, don't you have something to say? You're doing just fine. +You're doing just fine. Zee, we got to talk to you and your father. +Whyyyy... he took down the Gatling gun and the cannon all by himself. Saved all our lives, Doc. None of the Liberty boys would have come home if not for Web Mimms, Doc. God's honest truth. +All we thought about was coming home. I swore I'd kill anybody who tried to get me off my farm again. If I have to go to war with the railroad to stay, fine by me. Think about this. If we just come up with a story and stick to it, we should be all right. +Think about this. If we just come up with a story and stick to it, we should be all right. What kind of story are they going to believe? +That just might work. Maybe, maybe... +"""Big and older""?" You can shut up now. +You can shut up now. You are a charmer. +You are a charmer. I swear I'll shoot you in your sleep. +I swear I'll shoot you in your sleep. "Next time try ""fat and haggard.""" +She's still talking to Jesus. What worries me is that Jesus is talking back. +-- if you stop saying things about my Zee. "Your Zee? Hmm. ""From women's eyes this doctrine I derive: they sparkle still the right Promethean fire; They are the books, the arts, the academes, that show, contain, and nourish all the world.""" +You know him? Heard of him. +I went up to the courthouse and looked at the right of way documents for the rail bed. The railroad doesn't even need our land, they're just taking the land on both sides for as far as they can. Damn. All that reading paid off. +You ready to stop loafing around with this young lady and get back to farming? What do you think? +What do you think? Would you get in the carriage? Until Ma has you home so she can fuss over you herself, she's gonna make me miserable. +You're looking a bit more spry now that somebody -- Shut up. Uh, Doc, I was wondering if, uh, this evening, I could come by? +Pinkertons. It's the railroad. Ma. +... We could move on. Rebuild. Make a decent life someplace else. Don't care. +Don't care. Didn't think you would. I'm going to go make the coffin. +Didn't think you would. I'm going to go make the coffin. Make a thousand of 'em. Still won't be enough by the time I'm through. +How'd it go in there? Fine. How'd it go out here? +Fine. How'd it go out here? We're gonna have to talk... +And I planned getting you off the hangman's deck -- And that's why you both lead the gang. Two of you went into that bank together, right? +And it's guarded by Pinkerton detectives. And I do so want to shoot some Pinkerton detectives. +I don't think it's counterfeit. Do you mind if I take a look at all your real bills to compare? It's the scientific method. It's all the rage. +Gents, we are in the middle of something here. Bob's upset. +Bob's upset. The posters? +Pardon the delay, folks, but we had to get Mad Bob Younger under control! Bob here'll kill a man for sneezing, and he's the best shot in the gang. +This has been a good year. Jesse, we're outlaws. +Jesse, we're outlaws. And we're good at it. +And we're good at it. It got to you, didn't it. All the killing in the war. You need it now. +It got to you, didn't it. All the killing in the war. You need it now. You've killed your fair share of men. +You've killed your fair share of men. If I could go back to farming -- +If I could go back to farming -- That's a lie. You could've bought a dozen farms with the money we've stolen. +That's a lie. You could've bought a dozen farms with the money we've stolen. I can't quit and leave you alone. I can't quit until you quit. Ma would've wanted it that way. +I can't quit and leave you alone. I can't quit until you quit. Ma would've wanted it that way. We're doing this for Ma. +We're doing this for Ma. Maybe it started out that way. But now... +Maybe it started out that way. But now... What do you want me to say, Frank? I was killing men when I was fifteen. I like getting shot at. I like riding out of town with a posse at my back. This is a helluva better life than farming. +What do you want me to say, Frank? I was killing men when I was fifteen. I like getting shot at. I like riding out of town with a posse at my back. This is a helluva better life than farming. A better life than the one you could have had with Zee? +We're drunk. Oh yeah. +Oh yeah. Just do me a favor. Think about what this is costing everybody. Not just the railroad. +You taking sides against me, now, Frank? No, I -- +They're all pinned down. Can't even get to the door. Got any ideas, little brother? +Shoulda learned with Web. Made it look fun, made it look like an adventure. Got Web killed. Now Jim. Jim was old enough... +Jim was old enough... He was a boy riding with the most famous outlaws in the West. How was he supposed to say no to that? +He was a boy riding with the most famous outlaws in the West. How was he supposed to say no to that? Railroad burned him out too. You couldn't have stopped him. +Railroad burned him out too. You couldn't have stopped him. You're a piss-poor liar for the smartest man I know. +You're a piss-poor liar for the smartest man I know. Yeah. +Yeah. A war against the railroad. What the hell were we thinking? +A war against the railroad. What the hell were we thinking? I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time. +I'll meet you down there in a few weeks. See you soon. Oh, and I appreciate the distraction back there. +See you soon. Oh, and I appreciate the distraction back there. Hell, they hardly even noticed us. +Y'know, Uncle Frank... Yeah, Jimmy? +Yeah, Jimmy? ...every time you tell that story, you stop there. That's not how it ended. I was five when my dad got shot. +...every time you tell that story, you stop there. That's not how it ended. I was five when my dad got shot. I know. But that's how it should have ended. Your Dad and Mom, riding off into a new life, growing old together, happy. +Allow a man his version of the past. When you get to be my age, you've got enough painful memories, you're allowed to soften a few of the edges up. Sounds like he was a hell of a man. +Sounds like he was a hell of a man. That he was. +That he was. They're making him a hero now. +They're making him a hero now. Saved a lot of folk from the railroad. +Saved a lot of folk from the railroad. But he killed a lot of men, too. +But he killed a lot of men, too. Can't argue that. +Can't argue that. So what was he? +So what was he? I think... he was just a real interestin' fella to have around. +Uncle Frank? Yeah Jimmy? +Yeah Jimmy? How much of that story is true? +How much of that story is true? Everything but the boring parts. +Did you kill Yankees? A fair number, Ma. +A fair number, Ma. Say your prayers? +Ma, I'm glad to see you being nice to our Injun friend. He's a good Christian and he killed Yankees. Jesus told me that made him an all right boy. +Easterners. We're just fine, thank you, sir. +The Lord says we can bury 'em out back in the orchard, nobody'll ever find them. Somebody's in a vengeful smiting mood today. +Ma! Please! Boys? +Riders -- We know, Ma. Now we got to get you to Doc Mimms. +We know, Ma. Now we got to get you to Doc Mimms. Take care of each other, boys. You say your prayers. +Doc Mimms will -- Shush. +Zerelda? Little Zee Mimms? You were little Jesse James when you left. +You were little Jesse James when you left. But you got big! +But still died. If there's anything we can do for you, Dr. Mimms. We want to help. +Jesse, are you awake? Mmmm. +Jesse, is that your hand? Nuh-huh ... +You shouldn't be up. I've been on my back two weeks. I'm sick of it. +I've been on my back two weeks. I'm sick of it. You're sick of my company? +You're sick of my company? No! I mean, of course not. No. +No! I mean, of course not. No. Teasing you is completely unfair. +Teasing you is completely unfair. What you do to me is unfair. The teasing, I mean. +What you do to me is unfair. The teasing, I mean. I shouldn't tease a hero. +I shouldn't tease a hero. What? +What? Everybody in the county knows it was you who rescued Cole. We're all so proud of you, Jesse. And not a single farm's been sold to the railroad since. You're everybody's hero. +Everybody in the county knows it was you who rescued Cole. We're all so proud of you, Jesse. And not a single farm's been sold to the railroad since. You're everybody's hero. I wasn't the only one risking my neck that day. +I wasn't the only one risking my neck that day. So you're saying I should leave you alone and go spend time with Jimmy Younger? +So you're saying I should leave you alone and go spend time with Jimmy Younger? Unfair. You are completely unfair. +I used to come to this tree when I was a kid and imagine what my life would be like when I got older. You didn't want to farm? +You didn't want to farm? I was thinking more along the lines of being a river pirate. +I was thinking more along the lines of being a river pirate. A river pirate. +A river pirate. Arr. Hand over your jewels, Missy. +Arr. Hand over your jewels, Missy. Thank God you grew out of that. You did grow out of that, didn't you? +Thank God you grew out of that. You did grow out of that, didn't you? Mostly. It would be an all right life, for a bachelor. +Mostly. It would be an all right life, for a bachelor. You planning on being a bachelor your whole life, Jesse James? +You planning on being a bachelor your whole life, Jesse James? Not if I find the right girl. +Not if I find the right girl. And what's this right girl like? +And what's this right girl like? Smart. Funny. Bossy. Always makes me think she's two steps ahead of me. And big buck teeth. +Smart. Funny. Bossy. Always makes me think she's two steps ahead of me. And big buck teeth. Where will you find such a girl? +Where will you find such a girl? Honestly, you'd do if only you had the buck teeth. +"Ahem. ""From this doctrine..."" No, ah... ""From women's eyes this doctrine I derive, they sparkle still like ... shiny... sparkling rocks...""" Sparkling rocks? +Sparkling rocks? Little ones. +Little ones. Is this one of Frank's Shakespeare poems you're trying to quote? +Is this one of Frank's Shakespeare poems you're trying to quote? Yep. +Yep. Were you planning on kissing me when you finished quoting? +Were you planning on kissing me when you finished quoting? I've been planning on kissin' you for a very long time. +I am so sorry, Jesse. Frank and me have to go away for a while. +You and I, we've started... something, you know? I don't know what'll happen if you do this. Me neither. +Me neither. Let the law -- +Let the law -- Laws don't touch men like Thaddeus Rains. Only justice does. +Laws don't touch men like Thaddeus Rains. Only justice does. Whose justice? Yours or God's? When will you stop? +Whose justice? Yours or God's? When will you stop? When my name makes them cry in their sleep. When I've brought them to ashes. +Zee. Jesse. What are you thinking? There are bounty hunters and lawmen all over this county! +Jesse. What are you thinking? There are bounty hunters and lawmen all over this county! I had to see you. I'm getting married. +I don't understand. She's the most wonderful woman in the world. Can't get her out of my mind. +She's the most wonderful woman in the world. Can't get her out of my mind. That's... wonderful. It's just... I thought... +That's... wonderful. It's just... I thought... She's beautiful. Smart. And has the biggest... buck teeth in all of Missouri. +I would never have imagined us in a place like this. That's why I picked it. We can start a whole new life down here. +That's why I picked it. We can start a whole new life down here. Are you going to be happy here, Mr. James? Without all that excitement? +Are you going to be happy here, Mr. James? Without all that excitement? I've got you. You keep me busy. I figure we'll get over to the hotel... get checked in, cleaned up... then I'd like to do something I've been thinking about for a long time. +I've got you. You keep me busy. I figure we'll get over to the hotel... get checked in, cleaned up... then I'd like to do something I've been thinking about for a long time. Now wait a minute. There are certain things that have to wait until after the wedding. +Hmm. """Hmm"" what?" +"""Hmm"" what?" """But the life of the James Gang wasn't all robbing and shooting and killing, for these young Missouri bucks had a taste for the ladies... especially the handsome and charismatic Jesse James.""" +I beg your pardon? """Blazing Guns of the West. True Stories of Jesse James."" Only a dime in the hotel lobby." +"""Blazing Guns of the West. True Stories of Jesse James."" Only a dime in the hotel lobby." Let me see that. +Let me see that. "Oh, I'm not finished. ""When he sauntered into a saloon, his spurs jangling and his pockets full of gold, the ladies flocked around him like flies to a candied apple."" As I said. Hmm." +"Oh, I'm not finished. ""When he sauntered into a saloon, his spurs jangling and his pockets full of gold, the ladies flocked around him like flies to a candied apple."" As I said. Hmm." Now, sweetie, y'all wouldn't go believing one of them silly dime novels, would you? +Now, sweetie, y'all wouldn't go believing one of them silly dime novels, would you? Jesse, have you ever noticed that when you're trying to charm your way out of trouble, your accent gets all farm boy? +Jesse, have you ever noticed that when you're trying to charm your way out of trouble, your accent gets all farm boy? Aw, shucks, ma'am... +Aw, shucks, ma'am... Stop it. This is just sad. +Stop it. This is just sad. Swimming. Swimming is good. +Don't turn around. What? +What? If you don't see it, it's not real... +You get arrested again, I'll kill you. Yes ma'am. +Yes ma'am. I can't believe I had to blow up a train for you. +I can't believe I had to blow up a train for you. You are a hell of a woman. +You are a hell of a woman. Don't swear. +Don't swear. Yes ma'am. +Tennessee? I'll explain on the way. +We're moving you tomorrow. But I like the presidential suite. +But I like the presidential suite. Oh, it's a similar room. But the hotel is in Washington D.C. You're not going to get a fair trial down here, in front of a jury of Jesse James sympathizers. +Oh, it's a similar room. But the hotel is in Washington D.C. You're not going to get a fair trial down here, in front of a jury of Jesse James sympathizers. So I'll get a fair trial in front of a jury bought off by Thaddeus Rains? +So I'll get a fair trial in front of a jury bought off by Thaddeus Rains? That's the idea. +Did you order our houses burned down? Not that day. I am guilty of many things, but that was Mr. Thaddeus Rains and Parker, that day. +You almost ended my career before it began. Pity. +How did you spot the ambush in Torrell? Last February? +Last February? Mmm. +Mmm. You had all those cattle there, so I'd think the extra men were in town from the cattle drive? +You had all those cattle there, so I'd think the extra men were in town from the cattle drive? Yes? +Yes? The cows had a brand from a farm just five miles out of town. +The cows had a brand from a farm just five miles out of town. Damn. +Almost got me in Billings. I saw you there, shooting at me. I went myself to oversee the operation. Didn't help much. +I went myself to oversee the operation. Didn't help much. No, that one was close. A couple fellas quit after that one. +Oh. That's nice to know. We're going to hang you, you know. I figured. +I figured. Was it worth it? +Was it worth it? Should have just killed Thaddeus Rains and been done with it. +Should have just killed Thaddeus Rains and been done with it. That's what I would have done. +That's what I would have done. I'm not hanged yet. +I'm not hanged yet. You cocky little bastard. +You cocky little bastard. Ahh, you'll miss me. +Ahh, you'll miss me. No, I'll hang you. But I may miss you just a bit. +That was for my Ma. Now this is for everybody else. He's too important, James. They'll set the army on you. You and your wife. +The railroad has no business in Tennessee. Therefore I have no interest in the state of Tennessee. Thanks. +Thanks. I'd just as soon kill you, Jesse James. But chasing you takes up too much of my time. +I'd just as soon kill you, Jesse James. But chasing you takes up too much of my time. Fair enough. +This is unusual. Most of our marriages are members of the congregation. You don't think God'll mind, do you? +"The Lord is remarkably tolerant of the charitable. ""Jesse Woodson James."" Jesse James? The Jesse James?" I could have lied I suppose, but I want this marriage to be legal. I just want you to know, I'm trying to start a new life here. I'm depending on your... +I could have lied I suppose, but I want this marriage to be legal. I just want you to know, I'm trying to start a new life here. I'm depending on your... Discretion? Sir, I am a man of the cloth. +Discretion? Sir, I am a man of the cloth. Thank you. +Thank you. Who needs to repair a leaky church roof. +Now let's have a drink. Right here in church? +Right here in church? Communion. +And you're too young. I'm the same age you were when you went off to war. +I'm the same age you were when you went off to war. And the same age Web was. No. +I like that. No. +You okay, Jesse? Yeah. Hey, are you drinking whisky? You're too young to be drinking whisky. +Yeah. Hey, are you drinking whisky? You're too young to be drinking whisky. Not too young to shoot a man, not to young to drink. +Not too young to shoot a man, not to young to drink. I guess so. +I guess so. I was always jealous Web Mimms got to go off and fight with you and Cole. Now it's my turn. +Jim, you been with a girl yet? Tonight? Why, I'm just getting ready to turn on the Younger charm. +Well, not exactly. You been with a girl ever? +You been with a girl ever? Hell yeah! I been with... Uh, not exactly. It's just, I don't want to get one of these paid ladies, you know? +Hell yeah! I been with... Uh, not exactly. It's just, I don't want to get one of these paid ladies, you know? I think so. +I think so. You and Frank and Cole, and even Bob, get all these girls because you're good looking and famous. You don't have to pay. They just look at me like I'm the baby brother. Don't tell anyone, okay Jesse? +You and Frank and Cole, and even Bob, get all these girls because you're good looking and famous. You don't have to pay. They just look at me like I'm the baby brother. Don't tell anyone, okay Jesse? I swear. +I swear. Tell you something else. I can't drink that good neither. I'm going to go outside and throw up. +Tell you something else. I can't drink that good neither. I'm going to go outside and throw up. You do that. +What about that Rock Island bastard? It's his money. He's putting up the payroll out of his own fortune. You do want to hurt Thaddeus Rains, don't you Jesse? +... too young for whisky... This time we'll make an exception. +This time we'll make an exception. Jesse, you explain to Lyla. My girl, you know, from that time... +Jesse, you explain to Lyla. My girl, you know, from that time... You're gonna tell her when you're resting up in bed with her, Jimmy. +Why, yeah. I hope you don't mind, Jesse James told me your name. +I hope you don't mind, Jesse James told me your name. Oh, you were talking to Jesse. +Oh, you were talking to Jesse. Yes, but just so I could find out who you were. +Really? I hope I'm not being too forward. +I hope I'm not being too forward. Not at all. +Not at all. I just though you were awful cute. +I just though you were awful cute. Thank you, Miss -- ? +Thank you, Miss -- ? Lyla Devereux. +Lyla Devereux. Gosh, that's a pretty name. Buy you a drink? +Gosh, that's a pretty name. Buy you a drink? Could we go upstairs and talk? It's so loud down here. +Could we go upstairs and talk? It's so loud down here. Why don't we get a bottle of sherry to sip while we talk? +Why don't we get a bottle of sherry to sip while we talk? That is so gentlemanly of you. +Devereux. My brother Cole dated a European girl once. Really? +Really? Don't talk about it much, though. +Well, this land is about to be condemned. I'm doing you folks a favor -- +Relax, Alan. The Army has this all in hand. And Mr. Thaddeus Rains will be very pleased with this news. Nothing like a hanging to motivate the populace to relocate. It's not my job to relax. I've put men facing out both ways down Main Street, so nobody can ride in shooting. I've got a sharpshooter up on the water tower just in case. +My professional opinion is that you have managed to piss off the wrong bunch of farm boys this time. They had to be dealt with! +They had to be dealt with! By burning down their homes? +How can that be? They donate money to farmers, to churches. Rumor has it they gave the sharecroppers of Maddox so much money they were able to build a school. +There's only four of them... Move you fools! +Mr. Thaddeus Rains, sir, it is a pleasure to have you join us in the field. And it is my pleasure to be here. +And it is my pleasure to be here. Really! +Really! NO! It is NOT my pleasure to have to leave my board room to come to this godforsaken piece of dirt to discover why in the name of all that is holy you cannot seem to evict a few simple farmers from their PATHETIC LITTLE MUDHOLES so that I may build the GREATEST railroad that this country has ever seen! +NO! It is NOT my pleasure to have to leave my board room to come to this godforsaken piece of dirt to discover why in the name of all that is holy you cannot seem to evict a few simple farmers from their PATHETIC LITTLE MUDHOLES so that I may build the GREATEST railroad that this country has ever seen! I can completely understand your distress, sir. +Parker, tell me what's going on so I can return as quickly as possible to Boston and my whores and cigars, not necessarily in that order. Two weeks ago, we managed to arrange to have the Army hang one of the local farmers. +Two weeks ago, we managed to arrange to have the Army hang one of the local farmers. Good. +Good. Unfortunately not, sir. A gang of local thugs managed to rescue him from the gallows. Not only has this inspired resistance from the other farmers, the redoubtable Mr. Alan Pinkerton was seriously injured during the incident. +Unfortunately not, sir. A gang of local thugs managed to rescue him from the gallows. Not only has this inspired resistance from the other farmers, the redoubtable Mr. Alan Pinkerton was seriously injured during the incident. Leaving you in charge of operations until he recovers. +Leaving you in charge of operations until he recovers. Yes sir. +Yes sir. Just perfect. +Just perfect. A further impediment is that the Army garrison has been ordered to move on from Liberty. We will no longer have that particular stick with which to threaten the farmers. +A further impediment is that the Army garrison has been ordered to move on from Liberty. We will no longer have that particular stick with which to threaten the farmers. You see the Army leaving and you see the loss of a tool. I see a power void to be filled. As we have the most power, we may move with impunity. +You see the Army leaving and you see the loss of a tool. I see a power void to be filled. As we have the most power, we may move with impunity. I see. I'll get together four patrols of our detectives for action tonight. +I see. I'll get together four patrols of our detectives for action tonight. I'll teach these podunks what happens when they challenge the righteousness of progress. +They exchanged fire with the Pinkerton Guards, killing several of them. Then they raided the payroll office and blew the tracks for half a mile. How much did they get from the safe? +How much did they get from the safe? Thirty-five thousand, sir. Coins and currency. And the delay from the miles of destroyed track -- +Thirty-five thousand, sir. Coins and currency. And the delay from the miles of destroyed track -- I'll kill them for blowing up my railway! +I'll kill them for blowing up my railway! To be precise, they didn't blow up the tracks. +To be precise, they didn't blow up the tracks. THEN WHO DID?! +THEN WHO DID?! We did. +Your men knew the risks. What is going on here, man? +With my money! We should go burn that school to the ground, sir! +The final route for the railroad is complete. I look forward to seeing it. +Parker. Sir? +Sir? What is that? +What is that? What, sir? +That. Oh, that. I'll let Jenkins explain. +This is him. I remember you. +How did you know? Not such a menace now, is he, Pinkerton? +Look at this, Pinkerton! They got the payroll, and this damage will set construction back two months at least. Not to mention my men who lost their lives. +You wouldn't have done that? Oh no, I would have done that. But I would have made sure I killed them, too. +Oh no, I would have done that. But I would have made sure I killed them, too. I want them arrested and hanged! +I want them arrested and hanged! Would a jury around here convict their own? I think not. We're beginning an interesting game here, Mr. Rains. +Would a jury around here convict their own? I think not. We're beginning an interesting game here, Mr. Rains. This is no game. +This is no game. I'm afraid our adversaries don't agree. +"""A Rock Island and Pacific Railroad depot was robbed two nights ago just outside St. Louis, Missouri. The brave and daring James-Younger Gang was heavily outnumbered by Pinkerton detectives, but the city lawmen were no match for the guns of the West.""" It is a nice piece of writing. +It is a nice piece of writing. """The gang made off with thirty-five thousand dollars and also destroyed the Thaxton Switch construction, meaning that for a few months honest farmers will be able to sleep without fearing the railroad is coming to steal their land!"" Who wrote this!? I'll see him hanged every Tuesday for a month!" +"""The gang made off with thirty-five thousand dollars and also destroyed the Thaxton Switch construction, meaning that for a few months honest farmers will be able to sleep without fearing the railroad is coming to steal their land!"" Who wrote this!? I'll see him hanged every Tuesday for a month!" Oh, that's the best part. +It's early in the game yet, Mr. Rains. Jesse James and I are just learning how each other moves, feeling out each other's patterns. I'm losing millions of dollars and months of time while you play chess with these farmers! +I'm losing millions of dollars and months of time while you play chess with these farmers! Hardly farmers. I've done some checking. All these were in the War. These men know sabotage, tactics, and have four years of bloody fighting experience behind them. They are disciplined, well-trained and have a charismatic leader. If I were to design the perfect outlaw band, this gang is what I would create. +Hardly farmers. I've done some checking. All these were in the War. These men know sabotage, tactics, and have four years of bloody fighting experience behind them. They are disciplined, well-trained and have a charismatic leader. If I were to design the perfect outlaw band, this gang is what I would create. So you can't tell me anything? +So you can't tell me anything? It's going to be a long winter. +Pinkerton. It's been eight months. I see robberies. I see hold ups. But I do not see men on the end of nooses. All of the James Gang's encounters have been with local law enforcement who, quite frankly, are no match for this group's cunning. +First of all: you, shut up. Now, you've given me a thousand miles of railroad to cover. Every time the James Gang strikes, we shift a hundred detectives to that area. But there's just too much open land, too many riverbeds to ride, caves to hide in. This gang operates across four states, often riding a hundred miles between jobs. I can't believe this. +I can't believe this. And there are some towns in Missouri where James and his men can walk openly, as heroes. +Yes, that's the way to win the locals back to our side. I demand action. +I demand action. No, you demand results. They are not the same thing. And if you want results, you will let me do my job as I see fit. Unless of course, You want this fool to saddle up and take another run at it? +No, you demand results. They are not the same thing. And if you want results, you will let me do my job as I see fit. Unless of course, You want this fool to saddle up and take another run at it? Can't you tell me anything? +Can't you tell me anything? It's going to be a long spring. +So he's won. No. +Every three months, the James Gang circles back to the vicinity of Liberty, Missouri. They always pull a job right before they return, probably to have extra money to give family and friends. In English, Pinkerton. +In English, Pinkerton. There are only four banks within that travel radius which they have not robbed. +There are only four banks within that travel radius which they have not robbed. Can you put men at all four? +Can you put men at all four? No need. I have another tool at my disposal which will narrow it down to one bank. +No need. I have another tool at my disposal which will narrow it down to one bank. What is that? +What is that? Why, their intense hatred of you, of course. +What the hell is that sound? Vengeance. +Listen, what are you doing tonight? What? Oh, I'm...busy. +What? Oh, I'm...busy. Listen, you're dating Luis, he's in Arizona. You're fucking me, and we haven't made plans. What could you possibly be up to tonight? +Listen, you're dating Luis, he's in Arizona. You're fucking me, and we haven't made plans. What could you possibly be up to tonight? Stop it. I'm... +Stop it. I'm... On a lot of lithium? +On a lot of lithium? Waiting for Luis to call me. He said he'd call tonight. Oh don't be difficult, Patrick. +Waiting for Luis to call me. He said he'd call tonight. Oh don't be difficult, Patrick. You should come have dinner with me. COURTNEY But-when? +You should come have dinner with me. COURTNEY But-when? Am I confused or were we talking about tonight? +Am I confused or were we talking about tonight? Ummm . . yeah. Luis is calling me tonight. I need to be home for that. +Ummm . . yeah. Luis is calling me tonight. I need to be home for that. Pumpkin? +Pumpkin? Yes? +Yes? Pumpkin you're dating an asshole. +Pumpkin you're dating an asshole. Uh huh. +Uh huh. Pumpkin you're dating the biggest dickweed in New York. +Pumpkin you're dating the biggest dickweed in New York. I know. Stop it. +I know. Stop it. Pumpkin, you're dating a tumbling, tumbling dickweed. +Pumpkin, you're dating a tumbling, tumbling dickweed. Patrick don't call me pumpkin anymore, okay? I have to go. +Patrick don't call me pumpkin anymore, okay? I have to go. Courtney? Dinner? +Courtney? Dinner? I can't. +I can't. I'm thinking Dorsia. +I'm thinking Dorsia. Dorsia's nice. +Dorsia's nice. Nice? +Nice? You like it there, don't you? +You like it there, don't you? The question is do you like it, Courtney? And will you blow off a fucking phone call from your sad excuse for a boyfriend to eat there tonight. +The question is do you like it, Courtney? And will you blow off a fucking phone call from your sad excuse for a boyfriend to eat there tonight. Okay. Yeah. What time? +Okay. Yeah. What time? Eight? +Eight? Pick me up? +Pick me up? Sounds like I'll have to. Don't fall asleep, okay? Wear something fabulous. Dorsia, remember? +A facial at Elizabeth Arden, which was really relaxing, then to the Pottery Bam where I bought this silver muffin dish. Is that Donald Trump's car? +Is that Donald Trump's car? Oh God, Patrick. Shut up. +Oh God, Patrick. Shut up. You know, Courtney, you should take some more lithium. Or have a Diet Coke. Some caffeine might get you out of this slump. +You know, Courtney, you should take some more lithium. Or have a Diet Coke. Some caffeine might get you out of this slump. I just want to have a child. Just...two... perfect...children... +J&B. Straight. Champagne on the rocks. Oh-could I have that with a twist? She starts to sink back in her chair and Bateman leans over and pulls her back up. +Champagne on the rocks. Oh-could I have that with a twist? She starts to sink back in her chair and Bateman leans over and pulls her back up. Are we here? +Are we here? Yes. +Yes. This is Dorsia? +This is Dorsia? Yes, dear. +"Courtney, you're going to have the peanut butter soup with smoked duck and mashed squash. New York magazine called it a 'playful but mysterious little dish."" You'll love it. And then...the red snapper with violets and pine nuts. I think that'll follow nicely." Mmmm...thanks, Patrick. +Luis is a despicable twit. Yes, Luis is a despicable twit. I hate him. +"No, you idiot. I said ""Is it a receptacle tip?"" Not, is Luis a despicable twit. Is it a receptacle tip? Get off me." Is it a what? +Is it a what? Pull out. +Pull out. I'm ignoring you. +I'm ignoring you. Pull out, goddamnit! +Pull out, goddamnit! What do you want, Courtney? +It's a plain end. I think. Turn the light on. +Oh Jesus. I'm going home. Patrick. Turn on the Light. He turns on the light. +Patrick. Turn on the Light. He turns on the light. It's a plain end, see? So? +It's a plain end, see? So? Take it off. +Take it off. Why? +Why? Because you have to leave half an inch at the tip – to catch the force of the ejaculate! BATEMAN I'm getting out of here. Where's your lithium? +Oh Christ, this really isn't worth it. And see, Courtney, it's there for what? Huh? Tell us. Why is it pulled down half an inch? So it can catch the force of the ejaculate! Well, it's not a turn-on for me. I have a promotion coming to me. I don't want to get AIDS. +See? Happy? You dumb bitch? Are you happy, you dumb bitch? Oh God, just get it over with. +Will you call me before Thanksgiving? Maybe. +What are you doing tonight? Dinner at the River Cafe. Au Bar afterwards, maybe. +Dinner at the River Cafe. Au Bar afterwards, maybe. That's nice. +That's nice. You and...Luis? +You and...Luis? We were supposed to have dinner at Tad and Maura's, but-you know how Luis is... +We were supposed to have dinner at Tad and Maura's, but-you know how Luis is... I never knew you smoked. +I never knew you smoked. You never noticed. +Listen...Patrick. Can we talk? You look marvelous. There's nothing to say. You're going to marry Luis. Next week, no Less. +You look marvelous. There's nothing to say. You're going to marry Luis. Next week, no Less. Isn't that special? Patrick? +Isn't that special? Patrick? Yes, Courtney? +Patrick? Yes? +Yes? Nothing. +I haven't seen you around here. You just haven't been looking. +You just haven't been looking. Would you like to see my apartment? +Do you want to come to my apartment or not? I'm not supposed to. But I can make an exception. +I'm not supposed to. But I can make an exception. Do you take American Express? +You have a really nice place here...Paul. How much did you pay for it? Actually, that's none of your business, Christie, hut I can assure you it certainly wasn't cheap. +I'm not so sure about this. I had to go to Emergency after last time... Oh this won't be anything like last time, I promise. +Oh this won't be anything like last time, I promise. I don't think so. +Nothing like last time, promise. Alright. +So, you're looking great, how have you been? Well, I actually might need a little surgery after last time. +Well, I actually might need a little surgery after last time. Really? +Really? My friend told me I should maybe even get a lawyer. +My friend told me I should maybe even get a lawyer. Oh, lawyers are so complicated-don't do that. Here. +This is nicer than your other apartment. It's not that nice. +Marzipan. Pink tents. Hundreds, thousands of roses. Photographers. Annie Leibovitz. We'll get Annie Leibovitz. And we'll hire someone to videotape. Patrick, we should do it. Do...what. +Do...what. Get married. Have a wedding. +Get married. Have a wedding. Evelyn? +Evelyn? Yes, darling? +Yes, darling? Is your Evian spiked? +Is your Evian spiked? We should do it. +We should do it. No-I can't take the time off work. +No-I can't take the time off work. Your father practically owns the company. You can do anything you like, silly. +Your father practically owns the company. You can do anything you like, silly. I don't want to talk about it. +I don't want to talk about it. Well, you hate that job anyway. Why don't you just quit? You don't have to work. +Well, you hate that job anyway. Why don't you just quit? You don't have to work. Because I...want...to...fit...in. +Pat, this is my cousin Vanden and her boyfriend Stash. He's an artist. Hi. Pat Bateman. +Why don t you just go for Price? Oh God, Patrick. Why Price? Price? +Oh God, Patrick. Why Price? Price? He's rich. +He's rich. Everybody's rich. +Everybody's rich. He's good-looking. +He's good-looking. Everybody's good-looking, Patrick. +Everybody's good-looking, Patrick. He has a great body +He has a great body Everybody has a great body now. +Are you using minoxidil? No. I'm not. Why should I ? +No. I'm not. Why should I ? Your hairline looks like it's receding. +Your hairline looks like it's receding. It's not. +I want a firm commitment. I think, Evelyn, that we've...lost touch. +Why? What's wrong? My need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be, um, corrected, but I have no other way to fulfill my needs. +We need to talk. Talk about what, Patrick? What is there to talk about? +Talk about what, Patrick? What is there to talk about? It's over, Evelyn. It's all over +It's over, Evelyn. It's all over Touchy, touchy. I'm sorry I brought the wedding up. Let's just avoid the issue, alright? Now, are we having coffee? +Touchy, touchy. I'm sorry I brought the wedding up. Let's just avoid the issue, alright? Now, are we having coffee? I'm fucking serious. It's fucking over. Us. This is no joke. I don't think we should see each other anymore. +I'm fucking serious. It's fucking over. Us. This is no joke. I don't think we should see each other anymore. But your friends are my friends. My friends are your friends. I don't think it would work. You have a little something on your upper lip. +But your friends are my friends. My friends are your friends. I don't think it would work. You have a little something on your upper lip. I know that your friends are my friends. I've thought about that. You can have them. +You're really serious, aren't you? Yes, I am. +Yes, I am. But what about the past? Our past? +But what about the past? Our past? We never really shared one. +We never really shared one. You're inhuman. +You're inhuman. I'm...in touch with humanity. Evelyn, I'm sorry. You're just not terribly important to me. +No, no, no. I know my behavior is...erratic sometimes. +If you really want to do something for me, you can stop making this scene right now. Oh God, I can't believe this. +Oh God, I can't believe this. I'm leaving now. I've assessed the situation and I'm going. +Where are you going? I'm just leaving. +I'm just leaving. But where? +But where? I have to return some videotapes. +You'll notice that my friends and I all look and behave in a remarkably similar fashion, but there are subtle differences between us. McDermott is the biggest asshole. Van Patten is the yes man. Price is the most wired. I'm the best looking. We all have light tans. Right now I'm in a bad mood because this is not a good table, and Van Patten keeps asking dumb, obvious questions about how to dress . What are the rules for a sweater vest? +Picked them up from the printers yesterday Good coloring. +Good coloring. That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail. +Eggshell with Romalian type. What do you think? Nice. +But Laurie Kennedy is a total hardbody. What do you think, Bateman? I know her. I knew her. +Because he dated her. How did you guess? +How did you guess? Girls dig Bateman. He's CQ. You're total CQ, Bateman. +Girls dig Bateman. He's CQ. You're total CQ, Bateman. Thanks, guy, but...she's got a lousy personality. +Do you know what Ed Gein said about women? Ed Gein? Maitre d' at Canal Bar? +Ed Gein? Maitre d' at Canal Bar? No, serial killer, Wisconsin in the fifties. He was an interesting guy. +Listen, what about dinner? "Is that all you ever have to contribute, Van Patten? ""What about fucking dinner?""" +Are you my two o'clock? No. +Can I help you? I'm looking for...Paul Owen's...place. +Doesn't he live here? No, he doesn't. +No, he doesn't. Are you sure? +Are you sure? You saw the ad in the Times? +You saw the ad in the Times? No. Yes. I mean yes, I did. In the Times. But... doesn't Paul Owen still live here? +No. Yes. I mean yes, I did. In the Times. But... doesn't Paul Owen still live here? There was no ad in the Times. +I think you should go now. But I think...I want to know what happened here. +But I think...I want to know what happened here. Don't make any trouble. Please. I suggest you go. +Don't come back. I won't...don't worry. +Excuse me, gentlemen. Right back. He approaches Carnes cautiously. Face it-the Japanese will own most of this country by the end of the '90s. +Jesus, Davis. Yes. That was hilarious. That was you, wasn't it? Yes, naturally. +Yes, naturally. Bateman killing Owen and the escort girls? Oh that s fabulous. That's rich... +It was a pretty long message, wasn't it? What exactly do you mean? +What exactly do you mean? The message you left. +By the way Davis, how is Cynthia? You're still seeing her, right? But wait, Harold, what do you mean? +Carnes? Wait. Davis. I'm not one to bad-mouth anyone, your joke was amusing. But come on, man, you had one fatal flaw: Bateman's such a dork, such a boring, spineless lightweight, that I couldn't fully appreciate it. I wasn't fooled for a second. Now, if you'd said Price, or McDermott...Otherwise, it was amusing. Now, let's have lunch or dinner or something. Hilarious, Davis. A killer. +Davis. I'm not one to bad-mouth anyone, your joke was amusing. But come on, man, you had one fatal flaw: Bateman's such a dork, such a boring, spineless lightweight, that I couldn't fully appreciate it. I wasn't fooled for a second. Now, if you'd said Price, or McDermott...Otherwise, it was amusing. Now, let's have lunch or dinner or something. Hilarious, Davis. A killer. What are you talking about? Bateman is what? +What are you talking about? Bateman is what? Oh Christ. He can barely pick up an escort girl, let alone...what was it you said he did to her? +Now, if you'll excuse me, I really must... Wait. Stop. You don't seem to understand. You're not really comprehending any of this. I killed him. I did it, Carnes. I'm Patrick Bateman. I chopped Owen's fucking head off. I tortured dozens of girls. The whole message I left on your machine was true. +Wait. Stop. You don't seem to understand. You're not really comprehending any of this. I killed him. I did it, Carnes. I'm Patrick Bateman. I chopped Owen's fucking head off. I tortured dozens of girls. The whole message I left on your machine was true. Excuse me. I really must he going. +Excuse me. I really must he going. No! Listen, don't you know who I am? I'm not Davis, I'm Patrick Bateman! I talk to you on the phone all the time! Don't you recognize me? You're my lawyer. +Now, Carnes, listen to me. Listen very, very carefully. I killed Paul Owen and I liked it. I can't make myself any clearer But that's simply not possible. And I don't find this funny anymore. +But that's simply not possible. And I don't find this funny anymore. It never was supposed to he! Why isn't it possible? +It never was supposed to he! Why isn't it possible? It's just not. +It's just not. Why not, you stupid bastard? +Because I had dinner with Paul Owen twice in London...just ten days ago. No, you...didn't? +No, you...didn't? Now, if you'll excuse me. +Patrick, thanks so much for looking after Courtney. Dorsia, how impressive! How on earth did you get a reservation there? Lucky, I guess. +Lucky, I guess. That's a wonderful jacket. Let me guess, Valentino Couture? +That's a wonderful jacket. Let me guess, Valentino Couture? Uh huh. +Uh huh. It looks so soft. +It looks so soft. Your compliment was sufficient Luis. +Patrick? Is that you? No, Luis. It's not me. You're mistaken. +No, Luis. It's not me. You're mistaken. This is Gwendolyn Ichiban. This is my very good friend Patrick Bateman. Where are you going? We're going to Nell's. Gwendolyn's father's buying it. Where did you get your overnight bag? +This is Gwendolyn Ichiban. This is my very good friend Patrick Bateman. Where are you going? We're going to Nell's. Gwendolyn's father's buying it. Where did you get your overnight bag? Commes des Garcon. +Call me please, Patrick. Jesus lives, Luis. +What...is...it? Where are you going? +Where are you going? I've gotta...I've gotta...return some videotapes. +I've gotta...I've gotta...return some videotapes. Patrick? +Patrick? What? CARRUTHERS I'll call you. +Van Patten looks puffy. Has he stopped working out? It looks that way, doesn't it? +That's Paul Owen. That's not Paul Owen. Paul Owen's on the other side of the room. Over there. +There's this theory out now that if you can catch the AIDS virus through having sex with someone who is infected, then you can also catch anything-Alzheimer's, muscular dystrophy, hemophilia, leukemia, diabetes, dyslexia, for Christ's sake-you can get dyslexia from pussy- I'm not sure, guy, but I don't think dyslexia is a virus. +I'm not sure, guy, but I don't think dyslexia is a virus. Oh, who knows? They don't know that. Prove it. +Jeez. That's not a helluva lot, is it? Maybe it's just the light. +Maybe it's just the light. Is he fucking selling it by the milligram? Oh my God... +Is he fucking selling it by the milligram? Oh my God... What? +What? It's a fucking milligram of Sweet'n Low! +It's definitely weak but I have a feeling if we do enough of it we'll be okay. I want to get high off this; Bateman, not sprinkle it on my fucking All-Bran. +SHUT UP! Calm down. Let's do it anyway +Calm down. Let's do it anyway I guess you're right... THAT IS, IF THE FAGGOT IN THE NEXT STALL THINKS IT'S OKAY! +Oh come on. Price. There are a lot more important problems than Sri Lanka to worry about. Sure our foreign policy is important, but there are more pressing problems at hand. Like what? +Like what? Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. But we can't ignore our social needs. either We have to stop people from abusing the welfare system. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights while also promoting equal rights for women but change the abortion laws to protect the right to life yet still somehow maintain women's freedom of choice. +What's that, a gram? New card. What do you think? +I can't believe that Price prefers McDermott's card to mine. But wait. You ain't seen nothin' yet. +Raised lettering, pale nimbus white... Impressive. Very nice. Let's see Paul Owen's card. +Yes, Caron's right. Gorbachev's not downstairs. He's at Tunnel. Ask me a question. +I'm leaving. I'm getting out. Leaving what? +Leaving what? This. +Don't, I'll drink it. Listen to me, Patrick. I'm leaving. +Listen to me, Patrick. I'm leaving. Where to? Are you going to go get a gram? +Where to? Are you going to go get a gram? I'm leaving! I...am...leaving! +I'm leaving! I...am...leaving! Don't tell me...merchant banking? +Don't tell me...merchant banking? No, you dumb son of a bitch. I'm serious. I'm disappearing. +No, you dumb son of a bitch. I'm serious. I'm disappearing. Where to? Morgan Stanley? Rehab? What? +And Bateman, what are YOU SO fucking zany about? I'm just a happy camper. Rockin' and a-rollin'. VAN PATTEN Rehab's done wonders for you, pal. Working for UNICEF now? +Dorsia. Umm...yes...I know it's a little late but is it possible to reserve a table for two at eight or eight-thirty perhaps? +Marcus Halberstam. For two at eight? Your friend has already been seated. Follow me, Mr. Halberstam. +Dorsia, yes? Yes, can you take two tonight, oh, let's say at nine o'clock? +We are totally booked. Oh really? That's great. +Oh really? That's great. I said we are totally booked. +I said we are totally booked. Two at nine? Perfect. +Two at nine? Perfect. There are no tables available tonight. The waiting list is also totally booked. +There are no tables available tonight. The waiting list is also totally booked. See you then. +Late? Aerobics class. Sorry. Any messages? +Aerobics class. Sorry. Any messages? Ricky Hendricks has to cancel today. He didn't say what he was canceling or why. +Ricky Hendricks has to cancel today. He didn't say what he was canceling or why. I occasionally box with Ricky at the Harvard Club. Anyone else? +I occasionally box with Ricky at the Harvard Club. Anyone else? And...Spencer wants to meet you for a drink at Fluties Pier 17. +And...Spencer wants to meet you for a drink at Fluties Pier 17. When? +When? After six. +After six. Negative. Cancel it. +Oh? And what should I say? Just...say...no. +Just...say...no. Just say no? +Okay, Jean. I need reservations for three at Camols at twelve-thirty, and if not there, try Crayons. All right? Yes, sir. +Oh, something. . romantic? No, silly. Forget it. I'll make them. Thanks. +No, silly. Forget it. I'll make them. Thanks. I'll do it. +I'll do it. No. No. Be a doll and just get me a Perrier, okay? +No. No. Be a doll and just get me a Perrier, okay? You look nice today. +Yes? Is that the Ransom file? Thanks. Don't wear that outfit again. +Is that the Ransom file? Thanks. Don't wear that outfit again. Ummm...what? I didn't hear you. +Ummm...what? I didn't hear you. "I said ""Do not wear that outfit again."" Wear a dress. A skirt or something." +You don't like this, I take it? Come on, you're prettier than that. +Come on, you're prettier than that. Thanks, Patrick. +What is it? Patrick? +Patrick? Ye-es, Je-an? +Ye-es, Je-an? Patrick, a Mr. Donald KIMBALL is here to see you. +Patrick, a Mr. Donald KIMBALL is here to see you. Who? +Who? Detective Donald KIMBALL? +Tell him I'm at lunch. Patrick, I think he knows you're here. It's only ten-thirty. +Patrick? Can you bring Mr... +Yes, Patrick? Bring us an ashtray for Mr. KIMBALL, please. She whisks in with a crystal ashtray as they sit in silence. +Jean? Yes, Patrick? +Yes, Patrick? Would you like to accompany me to dinner? +That is...if you're not doing anything. Oh no. I have no plans. +Oh no. I have no plans. Well, isn't this a coincidence. +Anywhere you want? Let's not think about what I want. How about anywhere you want. +Let's not think about what I want. How about anywhere you want. Oh Patrick, I can't make this decision. +Oh Patrick, I can't make this decision. No, come on. Anywhere you want. +No, come on. Anywhere you want. Oh, I can't. I don't know. +Oh, I can't. I don't know. Come on. Where do you want to go? Anywhere you want. Just say it. I can get us in anywhere. +Soooo...Dorsia is where Jean wants to go... Oh, I don't know. No, we'll go anywhere you want. +Oh, I don't know. No, we'll go anywhere you want. Dorsia is...fine. +Yes? You're dressed...okay. You didn't give them a name. +You didn't give them a name. They know me. +Jean? Sorbet? Thanks, Patrick. I'd love some. +Want a bite? I'm on a diet. But thank you. +I'm on a diet. But thank you. You don't need to lose any weight. You're kidding, right? You look great. Very fit. +You don't need to lose any weight. You're kidding, right? You look great. Very fit. You can always he thinner. Look...better. +You can always he thinner. Look...better. Well, maybe we shouldn't go out to dinner. I don't want to ruin your willpower. +Well, maybe we shouldn't go out to dinner. I don't want to ruin your willpower. No. It's all right. I'm not very good at controlling it anyway. +And don't tell me you enjoy working with children, okay? Well, I'd like to travel. And maybe go back to school, but I really don't know...I'm at a point in my life where there seems lo be a lot of possibilities, but I'm so... I don't know...unsure. +Do you have a boyfriend? No, not really. +No, not really. Interesting. +Interesting. Are you seeing anyone? I mean, seriously? +Are you seeing anyone? I mean, seriously? Maybe. I don't know Not really. Bateman opens up a cupboard where there are a lot of very Bateman opens a cupboard where there are a lot of neatly ordered weapons - an ax, a rifle, a chain saw, duct tape, twine and a nail gun. +Maybe. I don't know Not really. Bateman opens up a cupboard where there are a lot of very Bateman opens a cupboard where there are a lot of neatly ordered weapons - an ax, a rifle, a chain saw, duct tape, twine and a nail gun. Jean, do you feel...fulfilled? I mean, in your life? +Jean, do you feel...fulfilled? I mean, in your life? Well, I guess I do. For a long time I was too focused on my work, I think, but now I've really begun to think about changing myself, you know, developing, and...growing. +Well, I guess I do. For a long time I was too focused on my work, I think, but now I've really begun to think about changing myself, you know, developing, and...growing. Growing. I'm glad you said that. +Did you know that Ted Bundy's first dog, a collie, was named Lassie? Had you heard this? Who's Ted Bundy? +Who's Ted Bundy? Forget it. +Forget it. What's that? +What's that? Oh. Uh, tape. Duct tape. I...need it for... taping something. Bateman goes back to the cupboard for the nail gun. +Oh. Uh, tape. Duct tape. I...need it for... taping something. Bateman goes back to the cupboard for the nail gun. Patrick, have you ever wanted to make someone happy? +What...No! Put it in the carton. Sorry. +Sorry. Jean? What? +Jean? What? Make someone happy-have you ever wanted to? +I'm looking for...I guess you could say I just want to have a meaningful relationship with someone special. Hmmmm. +Yes. I don t think I can...control myself. I know I should go. I know I have a tendency to get involved with unavailable men, and...I mean, do you want me to go? +If you stay, I think something bad will happen. I think I might hurt you. You don't want to get hurt, do you? No. No, I guess not. I don't want to get bruised. You're right, I should go. +And don't forget you have a breakfast meeting with Frederick Bennet and Charles Rust at '21. Thanks. It slipped my mind completely. +Patrick Bateman's office. Jean? Hello? Jean? +Jean? Hello? Jean? Patrick? Is that you? +Patrick? Is that you? Hello? Jean, I need help! +Hello? Jean, I need help! Where are you? +Where are you? Jean-I'm not- +Jean-I'm not- Craig McDermott called. He wants to meet you and David Van Patten and Tim Price at Harry's for drinks. +Craig McDermott called. He wants to meet you and David Van Patten and Tim Price at Harry's for drinks. Oh God, what did you say, you dumb bitch? +Oh God, what did you say, you dumb bitch? Patrick? I can't hear you. +Patrick? I can't hear you. What are I doing? +What are I doing? Where are you? Patrick, what's wrong? +Where are you? Patrick, what's wrong? I don't think I'm gonna make it, Jean. +...to the office this afternoon. Why? +Why? Just...say...no! +Just...say...no! What is it, Patrick? Are you alright? +What is it, Patrick? Are you alright? Stop sounding so Fucking sad! Jesus! +So, what do you do? What do you think I do? +What do you think I do? A model? An actor? +A model? An actor? No. Flattering, but no. +No. Flattering, but no. Well... +Well... I m into, well, murders and executions mostly. +Welt...it depends, why? Well, most guys I know who work in mergers and acquisitions don't really like it. +Oh really? DAISY He said... He said you gave him bad vibes. That's...that's too bad. +That's...that's too bad. You think I'm dumb, don't you? +You think I'm dumb, don't you? What? +What? You think I'm dumb. You think all models are dumb. +You think I'm dumb. You think all models are dumb. No. I really don't. +No. I really don't. That's okay. I don't mind. There's something sweet about you. +Hi, Patrick. I thought that was you. Hello +Well. Isn't it ridiculous? Coming all the way up here, but you know. They really are the best. +Isn't it ridiculous? Coming all the way up here, but you know. They really are the best. Then why can't they get these stains out? I mean can you talk to these people or something? I'm not getting anywhere. +Well, I mean, um, it s really...Bosco. You know, like... like a Dove Bar. It's a Dove Bar...Hershey's Syrup? Oh yeah. Oh I get it. Fun with chocolate. +Oh yeah. Oh I get it. Fun with chocolate. Listen, if you could talk to them I would really appreciate it. I'm really late. I have a lunch appointment at Hubert's in fifteen minutes. +Hubert's? Oh really? It moved uptown, right? Yeah, well, oh boy, listen, I've got to go. Thank you, uh... Victoria? +Yeah, well, oh boy, listen, I've got to go. Thank you, uh... Victoria? Maybe we could have lunch one day next week? You know, I'm downtown near Wall Street quite often. +Maybe we could have lunch one day next week? You know, I'm downtown near Wall Street quite often. Oh, I don't know, Victoria. I'm at work all the time. +Oh, I don't know, Victoria. I'm at work all the time. Well, what about, oh, you know, maybe a Saturday? +Well, what about, oh, you know, maybe a Saturday? Next Saturday? +Next Saturday? Yeah. +Yeah. Oh, can't, I'm afraid. Matinée of Les Miserables. Listen, I've really got to go. I'll-Oh...Christ...I'll call you. +Oh, can't, I'm afraid. Matinée of Les Miserables. Listen, I've really got to go. I'll-Oh...Christ...I'll call you. Okay. Do. +What do you mean, she was a hot number. If you had an American Express card she'd give you a blowjob. Listen, this girl worked in a tanning salon, need I say more?...What do you do? +She's my...cousin. Uh huh? +Uh huh? She's from...France. +Elizabeth, it's three in the morning. He's a goddamn drug dealer! These are his peak hours. +He's a goddamn drug dealer! These are his peak hours. Don't tell him you're here. +Don't tell him you're here. Why would I? +This tastes weird. Harley? It's me. I need your services. Translate that anyway you'd like. I'm at- You're at Paul Owen s. +You're at Paul Owen s. Who? +Who? Paul Owen. +Paul Owen. I want the number, idiot. Anyway, I'm at Paul Norman's and I'll try you later and if I don't see you at Canal Bar tomorrow night I'm going to sic my hairdresser on you. +Did you know that guy who disappeared? Didn't he work at Pierce & Pierce, too? Was he a friend of yours? No. +No. Do you have any coke? Or Halcyon? I'd take a Halcyon. +Listen, I would just like to see...the two of you...get it on. What's wrong with that? It's totally disease-free. Patrick, you re a lunatic. +Patrick, you re a lunatic. Come on. Don't you find Christie attractive? +Come on. Don't you find Christie attractive? Let's not get lewd. I'm in no mood to have a lewd conversation. +Let's not get lewd. I'm in no mood to have a lewd conversation. Come on. I think it would be a turn-on. +Come on. I think it would be a turn-on. Does he do this all the time? +Are you telling me you've never gotten it on with a girl? No! I'm not a lesbian. Why do you think I'd be into that? +No! I'm not a lesbian. Why do you think I'd be into that? Well, you went to Sarah Lawrence for one thing. +Well, you went to Sarah Lawrence for one thing. Those are Sarah Lawrence guys, Patrick. You're making me feel weird. +Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP called simply Whitney Houston had four number-one singles on it? Did you know that, Christie? Whitney's voice leaps across so many boundaries and is so versatile-though she's mainly a jazz singer-that it's hard to take in the album on a first listening. You actually listen to Whitney Houston? You actually have a Whitney Houston CD? More than one? +Listen, John, I've got to go. T Boone Pickens just walked in... Just joking... No don't tip the owner of the salon. Okay, John, right, got it. Sorry about that. No, I'm sorry. I should've made an appointment. Was that anything important? +No, I'm sorry. I should've made an appointment. Was that anything important? Oh that? Just mulling over business problems. Examining opportunities...Exchanging rumors... Spreading gossip. +Hi. I'm Donald KIMBALL Hi. Pat Bateman. Nice to meet you. +Hi. Pat Bateman. Nice to meet you. I'm sorry to barge in on you like this. but I was supposed to talk to Luis Carruthers and he wasn't in and...well, you're here, so...I know how busy you guys can get. +So, what's the topic of discussion? I've been hired by Meredith Powell to investigate the disappearance of Paul Owen. +I've been hired by Meredith Powell to investigate the disappearance of Paul Owen. You're not with the FBI or anything, are you? +You're not with the FBI or anything, are you? Nothing like that. I'm just a private investigator. +Nothing like that. I'm just a private investigator. Ah, I see...Yes. Paul's disappearance...Yes. +Ah, I see...Yes. Paul's disappearance...Yes. So it's nothing that official. I just have some basic questions. About Paul Owen. About yourself- +So it's nothing that official. I just have some basic questions. About Paul Owen. About yourself- Coffee? +Coffee? No. I'm okay. +No. I'm okay. Perrier? San Pellegrino? +Perrier? San Pellegrino? No, I'm okay. +KIMBALL. Mr. Kimball a bottle of San Pelle- +Mr. Kimball a bottle of San Pelle- Oh no, I'm okay. +Oh no, I'm okay. It's no problem +Well, what's the topic of discussion? The disappearance of Paul Owen. +The disappearance of Paul Owen. "Oh right. Well, I haven't heard anything about the disappearance or anything... Not on ""Page Six"" at least." +"Oh right. Well, I haven't heard anything about the disappearance or anything... Not on ""Page Six"" at least." I think his family wants this kept quiet. +I think his family wants this kept quiet. Understandable. Lime? +Understandable. Lime? No, really. I'm okay. +No, really. I'm okay. You sure? I can always get you a lime. +Just some preliminary questions that I need for my own files, okay? Shoot. +Shoot. How old are you? +How old are you? Twenty-six. I'll be twenty-seven in October. +Twenty-six. I'll be twenty-seven in October. Where did you go to school? +Where did you go to school? Harvard. The Harvard Business School. +Harvard. The Harvard Business School. Your address? +Your address? Fifty-five West Eighty-First Street. The American Gardens Building. +Fifty-five West Eighty-First Street. The American Gardens Building. Nice. Very nice. +Nice. Very nice. Thanks. +Pardon me, but are you okay? Who do you ask? +Who do you ask? You seem...nervous. +Bad habit. I know. I'm sorry. +Would you rather I not smoke? No, I guess it's okay. +No, I guess it's okay. You sure? +You sure? No problem. +What can you tell me about Paul Owen? Well... +How well did you know him? I'm...at a loss. He was part of that whole...Yale thing, you know. +I'm...at a loss. He was part of that whole...Yale thing, you know. Yale thing? +Yeah...Yale thing. What do you mean...Yale thing? +So...there's nothing you can tell me about Paul Owen? He led what I suppose was an orderly life. He... ate a balanced diet. +He led what I suppose was an orderly life. He... ate a balanced diet. What kind of man was he? Besides... the information you've just given. +What kind of man was he? Besides... the information you've just given. I hope I'm not being cross-examined here. +I hope I'm not being cross-examined here. Do you feel that way? +Do you feel that way? No. Not really. +No. Not really. Where did Paul hang out? +Where did Paul hang out? Hang...out? +Hang...out? Yeah. You know...hang out. +Yeah. You know...hang out. Let me think. The Newport. Harry's. Fluties. Endochine. Nell's. Comell Club. The New York Yacht Club. The regular places. +Let me think. The Newport. Harry's. Fluties. Endochine. Nell's. Comell Club. The New York Yacht Club. The regular places. He had a yacht? +He had a yacht? No, he just hung out there. +No, he just hung out there. And where did he go to school? +Don't you know this? I just wanted to know if you know. BATEMAN Before Yale? If I remember correctly, Saint Paul's... Listen, I just...I just want to help. +Anything else you can tell me about Owen? We were both seven in 1969. +We were both seven in 1969. So was I. +So was I. Do you have any witnesses or fingerprints? +Do you have any witnesses or fingerprints? Well, there's a message on his answering machine saying he went to London. +Well, there's a message on his answering machine saying he went to London. Well, maybe he did, huh? +Well, maybe he did, huh? His girlfriend doesn't think so. +His girlfriend doesn't think so. But...has anyone seen him in London? +But...has anyone seen him in London? Actually, yes. +Actually, yes. Hmmm. +Hmmm. Well, I've had a hard time getting an actual verification. A Stephen Hughes says he saw him at a restaurant there, but I checked it out and what happened is, he mistook a Hubert Ainsworth for Paul, so... +Well, I've had a hard time getting an actual verification. A Stephen Hughes says he saw him at a restaurant there, but I checked it out and what happened is, he mistook a Hubert Ainsworth for Paul, so... Oh. +Oh. Was he involved at all , do you think, in occultism or Satan worship? +Was he involved at all , do you think, in occultism or Satan worship? What? +What? I know it sounds like a lame question, but in New Jersey I know this sounds like a lame question, but last month-I don't know if you've heard about this, but a young stockbroker was recently arrested and charged with murdering a young Chicano girl and performing voodoo rituals with various body parts- +I know it sounds like a lame question, but in New Jersey I know this sounds like a lame question, but last month-I don't know if you've heard about this, but a young stockbroker was recently arrested and charged with murdering a young Chicano girl and performing voodoo rituals with various body parts- Yikes! No. Paul wasn't into that. He followed a balanced diet and- +Yikes! No. Paul wasn't into that. He followed a balanced diet and- Yeah, I know, and was into that whole Yale thing. +Have you consulted a psychic? No. +No. Had his apartment been burglarized? +Had his apartment been burglarized? No, it actually hadn't. Toiletries were missing. A suit was gone. So was some luggage. That's it. +No, it actually hadn't. Toiletries were missing. A suit was gone. So was some luggage. That's it. I mean no one's dealing with the homicide squad yet or anything, right? +I mean no one's dealing with the homicide squad yet or anything, right? No, not yet. As I said, we're not sure. But... basically no one has seen or heard anything. +No, not yet. As I said, we're not sure. But... basically no one has seen or heard anything. That's so typical, isn't it? +That's so typical, isn't it? It's just strange. One day someone's walking around, going to work, alive, and then... +It's just strange. One day someone's walking around, going to work, alive, and then... Nothing. +Nothing. People just...disappear. +People just...disappear. The earth just opens up and swallows people. +The earth just opens up and swallows people. Eerie. Really eerie. +You'll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable at Four Seasons in twenty minutes. Isn't the Four Seasons a little far uptown? I mean aren't you going to be late? +Isn't the Four Seasons a little far uptown? I mean aren't you going to be late? Uh, no. There's one...down here. +Uh, no. There's one...down here. Oh really? I didn't know that. +Listen, if anything occurs to you, any information at all... Absolutely, I'm 100% with you. +Absolutely, I'm 100% with you. Great, and thanks for your, uh, time, Mr. Bateman. +Detective Kendall...uh Campbell? KIMBALL Kimball. Call me Don. Don. +Don. So...you hang out here a lot? +So...you hang out here a lot? Uh, yes...I mean...whenever necessary. You know. +"How's the investigation going? Taken anyone in for ""formal questioning?""" 0h no. Informal conversations, mostly. What's that, Stoli? +0h no. Informal conversations, mostly. What's that, Stoli? Yeah. No Finlandia, as usual. Fucking dump. +Yeah. No Finlandia, as usual. Fucking dump. Too true. You know, Bateman-people tend to reveal so much more about themselves when they're in a relaxed setting, don't you think? +I mean they want to get caught. Dan, great to see you again. Like I said, you need anything at all, I'm your man. I don't envy your job. I mean Owen was a...complex man. +I actually came to see Timothy Price, but he's taken a leave of absence. Yeah, gone into rehab. Shame. Is he a suspect? +Yeah, gone into rehab. Shame. Is he a suspect? Not really. +Do you remember where you were on the night of Paul's disappearance? Which was on the twentieth of December? God...I guess...I was probably returning videotapes. +I had a date with a girl named Veronica. Wait. That's not what I've got. +Wait. That's not what I've got. What? +What? That's not the information I've received. +That's not the information I've received. Well...I...Wait...What information have you received? +Well...I...Wait...What information have you received? Let's see... That you were with- +Let's see... That you were with- Well, I could he wrong. +Well, I could he wrong. Well...When was the last time you were with Paul Owen? +Well...When was the last time you were with Paul Owen? We had...gone to a new musical called...Oh Africa, Brave Africa. It was...a laugh riot...and that's about it. I think we had dinner at Orso's. No, Petaluma. No, Orso's. The...last time I physically saw him was...at an automated teller. I can't remember which...just one that was near, um, Nell's. +Well, thank you, Mr. Bateman. Patrick, please. I hope I've been informative. Long day-a bit scattered. +Patrick, please. I hope I've been informative. Long day-a bit scattered. Listen, I'm a little spent for now but how about lunch in a week or so when I've sorted out all this information? +Listen, I'm a little spent for now but how about lunch in a week or so when I've sorted out all this information? Great, yes, I'd like that. +Great, yes, I'd like that. And if you could try and pin down where you were the night of Owen's disappearance, it would make my job a lot easier. +And if you could try and pin down where you were the night of Owen's disappearance, it would make my job a lot easier. Absolutely. I'm with you on that one. +Never. I mean...I don't really like... singers. Not a big music fan, eh? +Not a big music fan, eh? No, I like music. Just-they're-Huey's too... black sounding. For me. +No, I like music. Just-they're-Huey's too... black sounding. For me. Well, to each his own. So-lunch, Thursday? I'll call your secretary about reservations. +Well, to each his own. So-lunch, Thursday? I'll call your secretary about reservations. I'll be there. +No hash browns? Not in the mood, I guess. +Not in the mood, I guess. But...everyone orders the hash browns here. I mean- it's-have you been here before? +But...everyone orders the hash browns here. I mean- it's-have you been here before? Yes, of course. The hash browns are delicious. I'm just...not... ordering them. +Yes, of course. The hash browns are delicious. I'm just...not... ordering them. Suit yourself, I guess. +So, the night he disappeared? Any new thoughts on what you did? I'm not really sure. I had a shower...and some sorbet? +I'm not really sure. I had a shower...and some sorbet? I think maybe you've got your dates mixed up. +I think maybe you've got your dates mixed up. But how? Where do you place Paul that night? +But how? Where do you place Paul that night? According to his date book, and this was verified by his secretary, he had dinner with...Marcus Halberstam. +According to his date book, and this was verified by his secretary, he had dinner with...Marcus Halberstam. And? +And? I've questioned him. +I've questioned him. Marcus? +Marcus? Yes. And he denies it. Though at first he couldn't be sure. +Yes. And he denies it. Though at first he couldn't be sure. But Marcus denied it? +But Marcus denied it? Yes. +Yes. Well, does Marcus have an alibi? +Well, does Marcus have an alibi? Yes. +He does? You're sure? I checked it out. It's clean. +I checked it out. It's clean. Oh. KIMBALL Now where were you? +Oh. KIMBALL Now where were you? Where was Marcus? +Where was Marcus? He wasn't with Paul Owen. +He wasn't with Paul Owen. So who was he with? +So who was he with? He was at Atlantis with Craig McDermott, Frederick Dibble, Harry Newman, George Butner and – - you. +Oh, right. Of course...We had wanted Paul Owen to come. But he said he had plans...I guess I had dinner with Victoria...the following night. Personally I think the guy went a little nutso. Split town for a while. Maybe he did go to London. Sightseeing. Drinking. Whatever. Anyway, I'm pretty sure he'll turn up sooner or later. I mean, to think that one of his friends killed him, for no reason whatsoever would be too ridiculous. Isn't that right, Patrick? +I'm so hungry. It's cold out, too, isn't it? +It's cold out, too, isn't it? I'm so hungry. +I'm so hungry. Why don't you get a job? If you're so hungry, why don't you get a job? +Why don't you get a job? If you're so hungry, why don't you get a job? I lost my job... +I lost my job... Why? Were you drinking? Is that why you lost it? Insider trading? Just joking. No, really-were you drinking on the job? +Gee, uh, that's too bad. I'm so hungry. +Why don't you get another one? Why don't , you get another job? I'm not... +I'm not... You're not what? Qualified for anything else? +You're not what? Qualified for anything else? I'm hungry +I'm hungry I know that, I know that. Jeez, you're like a broken record. I'm trying to help you. +I know that, I know that. Jeez, you're like a broken record. I'm trying to help you. I'm hungry. +I'm hungry. Listen, do you think it's fair to take money from people who do have jobs? From people who do work? +Listen, do you think it's fair to take money from people who do have jobs? From people who do work? What am I gonna do? +What am I gonna do? Listen, what's your name? +Listen, what's your name? Al. +Al. Speak up. Come on. +Speak up. Come on. Al. +Al. Get a goddamn job, Al. You've got a negative attitude. That's what's stopping you. You've got to get your act together. I'll help you. +Get a goddamn job, Al. You've got a negative attitude. That's what's stopping you. You've got to get your act together. I'll help you. You re so kind, mister. You're kind. You're a kind man. I can tell. +You re so kind, mister. You're kind. You're a kind man. I can tell. Shhhh...it's okay. +Shhhh...it's okay. Please...I don know what to do. I'm so cold. +Please...I don know what to do. I'm so cold. Do ,you know how bad you smell? The stench, my God. +Do ,you know how bad you smell? The stench, my God. I can't...I can't find a shelter +I can't...I can't find a shelter You reek. You reek of...shit. Do you know that? Goddammit, Al-look at me and stop crying like some kind of faggot. Al...I'm sorry. +Hello, Halberstam. Nice tie. How the hell are you? I've been great. And you? +How's the Ransom account going, Marcus? It's...it's...all right. +It's...it's...all right. Really? That's interesting. Not great? +Really? That's interesting. Not great? Oh well, you know. +Oh well, you know. And how's Cecilia? She's a great girl. +And how's Cecilia? She's a great girl. Oh yes. I'm very lucky. +Listen, the mud soup and the charcoal arugula are outrageous here. Yeah, well, you're late. +Yeah, well, you're late. Hey, I'm a child of divorce. Give me a break Hmmm, I see they've omitted the pork loin with lime jello. +Hey, I'm a child of divorce. Give me a break Hmmm, I see they've omitted the pork loin with lime jello. We should've gone to Dorsia. I could've gotten us a table. +We should've gone to Dorsia. I could've gotten us a table. Nobody goes there anymore. +So, wasn't Rothschild originally handling the Fisher account? How did you get it? I could tell you that, Halberstam, but then I'd have to kill you. +And Cecelia, how is she? Where is she tonight? Cecelia is, well...you know +Cecelia is, well...you know Evelyn. Great ass. Goes out with that loser Patrick Bateman. What a dork. +Evelyn. Great ass. Goes out with that loser Patrick Bateman. What a dork. Another Martini, Paul? +Paul, give me your Amex card. Good boy. Bateman slaps the card down, looks at the check. Two-hundred-and-fifty. Very reasonable. Let's leave a big tip, shall we? My place hr a nightcap? +Two-hundred-and-fifty. Very reasonable. Let's leave a big tip, shall we? My place hr a nightcap? No, man. I'm gonna bail. +No, man. I'm gonna bail. Come on, you dumb son of a bitch. I've got a preview of the Barneys catalogue and a bottle of Absolut waiting for us. +You like Huey Lewis and the News? They're okay. BATEMAN Their early work was a little too New Wave for my taste. But then Sports came out in 1983, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. +Hey, Halberstam? Yes, Owen? +Yes, Owen? Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place? Do you have a dog? A chow or something? +Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place? Do you have a dog? A chow or something? No, Owen. +No, Owen. Is that a raincoat? +Is that a raincoat? Yes, it is. +You think so? You'll look like you consciously worked for the look. +You'll look like you consciously worked for the look. Good point. Excuse me, gentlemen. +How can he lie like that? How can he pull that shit? What shit? Now where do we have reservations at? I mean I'm not really hungry, but I would like to have reservations somewhere. +What shit? Now where do we have reservations at? I mean I'm not really hungry, but I would like to have reservations somewhere. I don't believe it. He looks so...normal. He seems so... out of it. So...undangerous. +I just don't see how someone, anyone, can appear that way and yet be involved in such total shit. How can you be so fucking, I don't know, cool about it? Some guys are just born cool, I guess. +Is it over? They still have to give 'em refreshments laced with mind-altering drugs. +They still have to give 'em refreshments laced with mind-altering drugs. You are a fanatic. +You are a fanatic. 'Gonna wait outside. +Alice? You gotta make him do the start-up with Teddy and me. """Make"" him?" +"""Make"" him?" You know what I mean. +I'm just screwed. You know what he's like. He just wants to work on stuff that's cool. +You know what he's like. He just wants to work on stuff that's cool. You don't wanna move, do you? +You don't wanna move, do you? I can paint anywhere. +I can't help it. I feel like they'd do anything to keep their -- Anything? That's not even credible. If he wants to go up there? To check it out? I think you should encourage him. It's his life. But everybody's treating him like this -- valuable object. You're hurting your own case. +I think I kind of lost it. I was just so thrilled to be talking to the richest, most powerful... 'Didn't know I even cared about that stuff. C'mon, how often do you talk to somebody who's been on the cover of Time. Three of four times. +A lot of what Larry says is true. They just clone stuff, or reverse engineer it, and everybody gets stuck with their inferior version cause they -- Then you've gotta ask him about that. +It's important. If he's really a bully, he won't cop to it, anyway. +If he's really a bully, he won't cop to it, anyway. Bully? Are we talking about Gary Boyd? Or your dad. +When I was a kid? And he was moving us all over the place? I spent all my time writing stuff on Outpost 1.0. I thought Gary Boyd was the greatest. But he's not quite the same guy anymore. Don't get your hopes too high? +If my dad'd leveled with me like that even once... The weird thing is, my fantasy he could somehow be like the old Gary? It's his fantasy, too. I think that's great, Milo. I do. +I think that's great, Milo. I do. ...But? +...But? Didn't you visit the campus? +Didn't you visit the campus? I forgot. That's why you have to help me decide. +I forgot. That's why you have to help me decide. No way. You have this -- destiny. +No way. You have this -- destiny. C'mon, I wouldn't have a destiny without you. My destiny would be dying at 20. From eating -- +C'mon, I wouldn't have a destiny without you. My destiny would be dying at 20. From eating -- Don't bring that up. Like a different girlfriend would'd've let you die? +Don't bring that up. Like a different girlfriend would'd've let you die? You saved my life in alot of ways. +When's Brian coming for the TV? Prob'ly waiting by the phone for Outpost to call. We'll leave it for him? +That took some fun out of -- We're not gonna let it. +You know he's never been anybody's counselor before? Milo! What about --? +To our new life. ...What's wrong? That's what I need to ask you. You know you can't keep anything from me. +That's what I need to ask you. You know you can't keep anything from me. "He gave me some new code-fixes this morning. I said, ""Did you really do this just today?"" Cause I was impressed. He said ""What're you implying?""" +It's the way he said it. Just the way my dad did, when he was caught in a lie. That's how you knew you were onto something ugly. What would it mean, anyway? If he didn't write it? +What would it mean, anyway? If he didn't write it? That's what I'm asking myself. Does he have some genius stowed away? Why not let him write Skywire. 'Not saying it makes sense. +He's your boss. He's not your -- I know, I know. +I know, I know. If you can't deal with him on that basis, you better get a new counselor. +If you can't deal with him on that basis, you better get a new counselor. Isn't that -- extreme? +Isn't that -- extreme? What's extreme is what that ER doctor said when he pumped your stomach. Eat another sesame seed and that's it. +I mean, if one little comment from Gary is gonna upset you this much -- You're right. It's -- a working relationship. Don't know what I was expecting. +What! Teddy was killed last night. +Teddy was killed last night. What're you -- what? +What're you -- what? It was a hate crime. +Are you saying you think they had something to do with his death? Nelson said it was an airtight case. I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe -- maybe they hired those guys. +I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe -- maybe they hired those guys. I can't see Outpost putting its reputation in the hands of people like that. +I can't see Outpost putting its reputation in the hands of people like that. "I don't know! I just know it was Teddy's code. All these ideas flying in from everywhere. You know how he says ""Any kid working in his garage can put us out of business?"" It's like they know what every kid's doing." +"I don't know! I just know it was Teddy's code. All these ideas flying in from everywhere. You know how he says ""Any kid working in his garage can put us out of business?"" It's like they know what every kid's doing." They hack into people's programs? +They hack into people's programs? Nobody does work like this on-line. It's in your PC, or in a mainframe. Self-contained. They'd have to be, like, watching people. Physically. Oh Jesus. +It isn't a broadcast studio. It's -- a surveillance post or something. That's why they have the dishes on top. You're scaring me. I think we should just go. +You're scaring me. I think we should just go. Go where? You can't get away from people like this. +Go where? You can't get away from people like this. """Like this?"" It's Gary you're talking about." +"""Like this?"" It's Gary you're talking about." You think I don't know that? +You think I don't know that? Milo. Why would he -- +Milo. Why would he -- "How should I know? ""Solving a problem,"" I guess. Or needing to control everything. I don't know. I've gotta get in there." +"How should I know? ""Solving a problem,"" I guess. Or needing to control everything. I don't know. I've gotta get in there." Even if all this were true. There're 20 other buildings. All of them filled with computers and -- +Even if all this were true. There're 20 other buildings. All of them filled with computers and -- It's the only one with dishes on the roof. The studio's a front. That's why they keep postponing its opening. ...gotta get in there. +It's the only one with dishes on the roof. The studio's a front. That's why they keep postponing its opening. ...gotta get in there. Milo, you told me those DOJ Agents are all over the place. How could they hope to hide a surveillance post? And how can you get in there, anyway? With the cameras and the swipe cards -- +Milo, you told me those DOJ Agents are all over the place. How could they hope to hide a surveillance post? And how can you get in there, anyway? With the cameras and the swipe cards -- I can't just walk away! +I can't just walk away! You can't just walk in, either. +You can't just walk in, either. They stop the construction work at six or seven. The parking lot's mostly clear by two or three in the morning. Even the early Geeks don't get there before five. +They stop the construction work at six or seven. The parking lot's mostly clear by two or three in the morning. Even the early Geeks don't get there before five. Is it two? Or is it three? Have you ever really noticed? +I know how to get in there. But you've gotta help me. ...Whaddo I do? +...Whaddo I do? So you believe me? +It's almost nine, I've been so worried! What did you see in there? Nothing. +Nothing. Nothing? +It's what they said it is. An unfinished broadcast studio. You were right... I just drove to Seattle and back. ...Why? +...Why? Remember Lyle Barton? +The Justice Department guy who came to the apartment when -- I remember. +I remember. After I broke into 21 -- which was insane, thank God they didn't catch me! -- I just drove around. Trying to figure out what possessed me. You know what? I've been putting my own guilt on Gary. +After I broke into 21 -- which was insane, thank God they didn't catch me! -- I just drove around. Trying to figure out what possessed me. You know what? I've been putting my own guilt on Gary. Guilt? +Guilt? If I'd stayed down there, maybe this wouldn't've happened. +If I'd stayed down there, maybe this wouldn't've happened. Poor baby. You know that's not true. +That was -- different. ...Different? +Where were you? You know you can't keep anything from me. Okay, yeah. I did something naughty... There's this amazing Comix store in Seattle. To tell you the truth, I did it once or twice at Stanford. 'Guess I can't keep anything from you... +Look at this. What? +What? Why doesn't he ask us to his party. He's never even met you. +Why doesn't he ask us to his party. He's never even met you. He has thousands of employees, Milo -- +He has thousands of employees, Milo -- It's for the Museum. He knows you're a painter. If anybody should be invited -- +It's for the Museum. He knows you're a painter. If anybody should be invited -- Milo -- +Milo -- I know you think I'm too attached to him, but still. I am close to Gary. And you're the most meaningful person in my life. I'm going back to the Comix place, why should I be killing myself. +I know you think I'm too attached to him, but still. I am close to Gary. And you're the most meaningful person in my life. I'm going back to the Comix place, why should I be killing myself. Milo, you -- +Are you gonna tell me where you went? I went to see the Skywire model in Gary's office. You know. Just to hold it again. +No. No. I sent an E-mail to somebody, just now. To tell her how I feel about you. You know I'm clueless, without you. You know I -- Just shut up? +Great! Look at me! I'm gonna change. +You look beautiful. Yeah? Give me a goodbye kiss. +Yeah? Give me a goodbye kiss. ...What? +...What? I know you. You're gonna run back to work right after dinner. I want my kiss now. +Milo? Don't we have any chopsticks? +Don't we have any chopsticks? Oh, right. Hold on. +Here we go. Great. +...wanna savor this. It's gonna get cold. +It's gonna get cold. Right. Wait. A toast. +Right. Wait. A toast. You're just afraid to eat it. +'Didn't mention he was going to the Justice Department? No. +No. Not like him, is it? To do a thing like that without telling you. You're not losing your hold on him, are you? +Not like him, is it? To do a thing like that without telling you. You're not losing your hold on him, are you? He'll tell me when he gets home. +He'll tell me when he gets home. That'll be a test, won't it? +That'll be a test, won't it? Instead of busting my chops you should do something about that girl. Fire her. Or something. +Instead of busting my chops you should do something about that girl. Fire her. Or something. Lisa's an extremely valuable member of the Skywire team. We've got our eyes on her. You keep yours on Milo. +Lisa's an extremely valuable member of the Skywire team. We've got our eyes on her. You keep yours on Milo. Prick. +He said it made sense that Gary's code was like Teddy's, that that cliché about great minds was true. Said it was all about his own guilt. Plus, he has a tendency to get Gary mixed-up with his dad once in a while. It always passes. He wasn't acting? +He wasn't acting? I don't think he knows how. +Don't worry, Milo. I'm here as a friend. Or maybe a supplicant. Right... What's that mean again? +Right... What's that mean again? Beggar. We're at a disadvantage with Outpost. Our experts aren't as smart as theirs. Sometimes we can't tell which technologies pose the threat of a monopoly. We need a really smart guy to help us pick our fights. I'm taking a shot in the dark, here. I can offer you 32,000 a year, a Buick. I'm hoping you've got a feeling it's the right thing to do. +Beggar. We're at a disadvantage with Outpost. Our experts aren't as smart as theirs. Sometimes we can't tell which technologies pose the threat of a monopoly. We need a really smart guy to help us pick our fights. I'm taking a shot in the dark, here. I can offer you 32,000 a year, a Buick. I'm hoping you've got a feeling it's the right thing to do. It's just -- I kind of feel the need to do something with my ability. Create something... +It's just -- I kind of feel the need to do something with my ability. Create something... Like I said: shot in the dark. +Mr. Barton, do you remember me? ...It's -- Milo, isn't it? +...It's -- Milo, isn't it? Yes sir. I need to talk to you. +Yes sir. I need to talk to you. Give me two seconds with Lacy here? Go on in, I won't be a moment. +Milo? Yeah. Hi. Thank you for seeing me. +Yeah. Hi. Thank you for seeing me. Have a seat. +What seems to be the problem? You look a little upset. I am. I am, sir. +Milo? My friend, my best friend, Teddy, was killed in Silicon Valley. +My friend, my best friend, Teddy, was killed in Silicon Valley. My goodness. +My goodness. It was racially motivated. He's Chinese. He was. And... I know sometimes the FBI gets involved with that. Don't they? +It was racially motivated. He's Chinese. He was. And... I know sometimes the FBI gets involved with that. Don't they? If there's a Civil Rights violation. But generally we let the local police and DA do their work first. +If there's a Civil Rights violation. But generally we let the local police and DA do their work first. I -- just wanna help bring these guys to justice. They're neo-Nazis. +I -- just wanna help bring these guys to justice. They're neo-Nazis. Let me look into it, see what's being done. Frankly, it's not my area. +Let me look into it, see what's being done. Frankly, it's not my area. 'Just didn't know who else to talk to. +'Just didn't know who else to talk to. And Outpost? You're happy there? +And Outpost? You're happy there? Yes sir. +You're living here? 'Thought if I relocated it could help my case. I'm writing programs for the local public access station. Where any whack-job with 100 bucks gets his own show? God, does it suck. Can you help me? +'Thought if I relocated it could help my case. I'm writing programs for the local public access station. Where any whack-job with 100 bucks gets his own show? God, does it suck. Can you help me? Sure, I'll see what I can do. +Well I parked illegally. See y'later? 'Forgot to introduce you. I have a girlfriend. +This is the biggest Beta demo in like the history of software. You'd be my partner. You can't pre-empt Yoga, that's our biggest show. +You can't pre-empt Yoga, that's our biggest show. Brian! You wanna be a big deal, don't you? That's your dream in life. +Will I get to work for Outpost? No. But you can write your own ticket in the Valley after this. We're gonna bring down Outpost. +No. But you can write your own ticket in the Valley after this. We're gonna bring down Outpost. What? +What? What'd they ever do for you? +Okay. Great. Great! We need to drag a lot of heavy stuff in front of the door -- +Great. Great! We need to drag a lot of heavy stuff in front of the door -- What?! +What?! Wanna be a part of history? +You're interfaced with our dish. Gimme the coordinates? +Is it your software? Is it your dish? +What?! He's working backwards, too. Let's do number five? +...When did you know? You should've called a few times to bug me about your job prospects. +That's gotta kill him, right? Outpost was his baby, sure. On the other hand, we just learned Gary Boyd owns the Skywire satellites. Personally. +Outpost was his baby, sure. On the other hand, we just learned Gary Boyd owns the Skywire satellites. Personally. Outpost doesn't own em. +Conglomerates're lined up to finance the launch of the remaining satellites. They'll pay him a huge premium to get on-line. That'd change with a criminal indictment. +That'd change with a criminal indictment. There's no hard evidence he knew about this. Anybody who could implicate him seems to've vanished. +There's no hard evidence he knew about this. Anybody who could implicate him seems to've vanished. Isn't there a stigma? Bankrolling this guy? +Isn't there a stigma? Bankrolling this guy? Stigma? Larry! 60 billion buys you some slack in this world. +Stigma? Larry! 60 billion buys you some slack in this world. And the kid who wrote Skywire -- then gave it away? They're calling him the digital Robin Hood. +And the kid who wrote Skywire -- then gave it away? They're calling him the digital Robin Hood. Milo. Surprised he's not your guest. +Milo. Surprised he's not your guest. We tried! +We tried! You better believe everybody's trying to sign him up. +Milo? I'm Danny. Oh hi. +'Couldn't convince Teddy to come? He's pretty tight with his family. +He's pretty tight with his family. We could move 'em up here. +We could move 'em up here. He just likes to write code. He's bummed there's so much secrecy and competition, everybody trying to own everything. +Who's that? "I think they call him the ""Houseman."" 'Cause ""guard"" sounds too weird." +...Hello? Milo? Gary Boyd. I'm hoping you and your friend can come up here. We've made some amazing strides in digital convergence. I'd love to show them to you. +Milo? Gary Boyd. I'm hoping you and your friend can come up here. We've made some amazing strides in digital convergence. I'd love to show them to you. You would? Wow. When would we come? 'Think he hung up. +Cool! Would you like a Coke or something? +Would you like a Coke or something? Oh. No thanks. +You know a lot about art, I guess. There's a rumor going around, maybe you've heard it. +I've only shown this to three other people. I bought 200, we've launched 12 so far. I keep the coordinates in this room. It's left over from SDI. Reagan's Star Wars technology? They orbit 426 miles up. Low enough to relay internet traffic. +Low enough to relay internet traffic. Among other things... We know convergence is the real super-highway: all the PC's, TV's, phones, etc. linked together. Why cram it into a cable if you can use the whole sky? +Among other things... We know convergence is the real super-highway: all the PC's, TV's, phones, etc. linked together. Why cram it into a cable if you can use the whole sky? Skywire. +The content filer has t'be written into the media files so bits coming off the satellite can be read by multiplatforms. Really, omniplatforms. Including whatever new hardware emerges. It needs a more object-oriented language. This doesn't scale, does it? +It needs a more object-oriented language. This doesn't scale, does it? You'd have to start practically from scratch. But this is all you'd be working on. No marketing meetings, no product seminars. We can't waste the time. Half the Valley's working on convergence. So're media conglomerates, cable companies, phone companies. 'Can't finish second, Milo. There is no second... Now what would you like to ask me? +When you get to a certain age, you start wondering. About your legacy. I doubt you even remember Outpost 1.0 -- I do! +I do! Yeah? I wanna feel like I did when I wrote that. But I'm 42, that's 100 in cyber-years. I look at you and see the things that got me here. But somehow got away. +No! Just waiting for my counselor to come by and introduce himself. Okay. I'm Gary. +'Think I should buy some originals? ...Do I? +...Do I? Somebody said I'm just another Philistine. With reproductions. +Somebody said I'm just another Philistine. With reproductions. That's insane. You're ahead of your time. +That's insane. You're ahead of your time. That's what I told her. My wife. +Could work with a new switch. There may be a few more things hidden. Don't spend too much time searching. You ever vetted somebody's old code before? It's a different skill. Stay close to the surface. The best-hidden secrets are in plain sight. You know the best place to hide a leaf, right? In a tree. +How's it going? Maybe I'm going too fast. +Maybe I'm going too fast. Too fast? At least four companies're on the verge of workable convergence systems, Milo, they -- +It's okay. Really. Take a look at this. Slightly different approach. +You did this -- overnight? You're making me young again. +Milo. What's up? Well -- you sent for me. +Well -- you sent for me. Right... Right. +You really wrote this just today? What're you implying. +What're you implying. Nothing! +Everything I do is under scrutiny. The questions they ask, trying to make anything strategic look sordid. I'm confused. Doesn't everybody in business try to get ahead? I'm sure. +I'm sure. The purpose of this company isn't to destroy our competitors any more than the purpose of living is to breath. But the software business is binary: you're a zero or a one. Being obsessive isn't a crime. It's a character trait. +It scales, don't you think? Definitely. +I heard what happened. Were the flags for Teddy? +Had you talked to him much lately? Just once. 'Guess I was worried we didn't have anything to talk about, since work was off-limits. Non- disclosure. +Just once. 'Guess I was worried we didn't have anything to talk about, since work was off-limits. Non- disclosure. Did you? +Did you? Talk about work? Never! +Talk about work? Never! I meant did you find other stuff to -- +I meant did you find other stuff to -- Oh. Yeah. +Oh. Yeah. You've been coming in early. +You've been coming in early. It helps. Alice said it would help. To focus on something. 'Don't know what I'd do without her. +Wow. You must have 20,000 lines of code there... 34,000. But they're real short lines. 'Just came out that way. +Been thinking about the push mechanism in the handler. And it came over me: it's in the wrong place. The wrong place? +The wrong place? The answer's not in the box. It's in the band. +Gary, hi. You look a little tired. +You look a little tired. I'm okay. It's going well! +I'm okay. It's going well! 'Have a look? +'Have a look? Sure. +Why did you move around so much? When you were a kid. "...My dad was a compulsive gambler. Only he didn't think he was. That applied to guys who didn't have a ""system."" ""Losers,"" who played games of chance. He could ""read"" people, so chance had nothing to do with it. No matter how deep a hole he dug himself, he'd give you the whole speech. And you'd better not point out the obvious. His creditors would catch up to him. Loan sharks or whatever. He'd wake us in the middle of the night. Off we'd go, again." +"...My dad was a compulsive gambler. Only he didn't think he was. That applied to guys who didn't have a ""system."" ""Losers,"" who played games of chance. He could ""read"" people, so chance had nothing to do with it. No matter how deep a hole he dug himself, he'd give you the whole speech. And you'd better not point out the obvious. His creditors would catch up to him. Loan sharks or whatever. He'd wake us in the middle of the night. Off we'd go, again." What would you tell the kids? At your new school? You had to come up with a good story, right? +No. I just went deeper into the machine. Preferred being the geek to having to explain. Lying would've been worse. ...Worse? +...Worse? "Cause he was a liar. And I hated him. ""Get your head out of that machine, wise up to the real world."" The more he mocked me the deeper I went. Cause if being savvy meant being like him -- Guess that's why I'm kind of clueless, even now. Didn't cultivate my conniving side. 'Not sure I even have one." +"Cause he was a liar. And I hated him. ""Get your head out of that machine, wise up to the real world."" The more he mocked me the deeper I went. Cause if being savvy meant being like him -- Guess that's why I'm kind of clueless, even now. Didn't cultivate my conniving side. 'Not sure I even have one." Don't be so hard on yourself. With a brain like yours, you could connive with the best of 'em I bet. +That's great! Thanks. 'Sorry about the late notice... +"""Dear Lisa. I've enjoyed working with you. I'd be lying if I didn't say I find you attractive. But in my heart I know that Alice..."" You left my party to send E-mail?" I couldn't do it at work cause of security or at home for -- obvious reasons. +You could've handwritten it. I'm not much good at handwriting. Or parties. +I'm not much good at handwriting. Or parties. "Oh, that's right. You're ""clueless.""" +Gary, I -- You see what's hanging on the wall? +I hope you know what you mean to me. Not just because of what you're doing. Because of who you are. I do know, Gary. I feel the same way. I thought I was coming here for a job. But it's meant a lot more. +I'm pretty close. But when I wrote the last contact switches, it wiped out a piece of the content filer. You know what it's like, writing software. I do know. You focus on the big problem. But somewhere down the chain, something breaks down. Something gets destroyed. At first it's upsetting. You feel you've lost control. +This is good. Who did it? 'Start-up not 50 miles from here. Kid's on Prozac. +'Start-up not 50 miles from here. Kid's on Prozac. Maybe we should all get on it. +What'd the girl say? There may be a little less trust after your outburst. +Hasn't affected his work, though. Nothing does. Still. I want him to like me. +Help me change the Skywire settings. Add five degrees to each satellite coordinate. Gary, don't worry, we -- +Gary, don't worry, we -- Just do what I'm asking! +Okay, #2. Longitude 48 degrees 06 minutes -- +Ready for number three? Let's go. +Let's go. Longitude 109 -- +Longitude 109 -- Wait... He knows. +Wait... He knows. What? +What? 'Knows I'm altering the coordinates. Let's jump to #12. +'Knows I'm altering the coordinates. Let's jump to #12. Gary? +Gary? Just do it. +All the companies know. The faculties tell 'em. At the target schools. In exchange for endowments. They should just drop the pretense and name the schools after 'em. +I think you should go. You do? +You do? I mean, it's your life. +I know you lost all his work. Maybe I could come down here and -- You are naive. Look at your employment contract: you can't work anywhere else in this field for at least few years. Not that I don't miss you. +You are naive. Look at your employment contract: you can't work anywhere else in this field for at least few years. Not that I don't miss you. Just thought his work should go on. +Just thought his work should go on. "He was on the verge of something, too. He was gonna show us the next day. He said ""The answer's not in the box, it's in the band."" Know what it means?" +"He was on the verge of something, too. He was gonna show us the next day. He said ""The answer's not in the box, it's in the band."" Know what it means?" It's only meaningful when you've got 40,000 lines of code to back it up. +It's only meaningful when you've got 40,000 lines of code to back it up. Man, could he write code. Totally elegant. He had his own style. +Man, could he write code. Totally elegant. He had his own style. Those really weird, short lines. +Your app kind of blew mine out of the water. We'll come up with the next big thing. +We'll come up with the next big thing. ...You wanna work -- here? +...You wanna work -- here? Got out of my other commitment. +You guys'll be using Teddy's old space, is that okay? Cool. +Could it be a glitch? Something the construction workers caused? Unlikely. All 14 cameras are frozen. Do we call Randy and Phil? Tell 'em there may have been a break-in? +Unlikely. All 14 cameras are frozen. Do we call Randy and Phil? Tell 'em there may have been a break-in? Not yet. 'Love to bust my ass cause I'm not in frigging Mensa. I swear to God, it's that kid Milo, I told 'em so in the first place, but they didn't even wanna hear about it. Let's run a printout on card entries. +Every entry was authorized. Keep looking. +Keep looking. What're we looking for? +What're we looking for? Any irregularity in the pattern. +Delbert seems to enter #21 twice. Without leaving the first time. Let's get him in here. +Get the backslash, the colon, keys kids don't use but geeks do. What would Milo want in here, anyway? They know. 'Just they don't trust me with it. So we'll get the evidence, first, ask questions later. +You calling Phil and Randy? I'm calling Gary. +Come with me. Where we going? +Now what are we doing? I don't get any of this shit! I launched Skywire. Just pray the last set of coordinates Milo sent me connected us to Gary's satellite. +Lisa. You know my name. +You know my name. You know mine. +You know mine. You're famous around here. +You're famous around here. I'm getting a teacher's pet rep. +I'm getting a teacher's pet rep. I wouldn't worry about it. You've gotta figure most people around here were their teachers' pets. +I wouldn't worry about it. You've gotta figure most people around here were their teachers' pets. ...Were you? +...Were you? We moved around so much I barely knew my teachers. +We moved around so much I barely knew my teachers. Me too! Were you an Army brat or something? +Me too! Were you an Army brat or something? ...Something like that. Yeah. +...Something like that. Yeah. Didn't mean to pry. I just have this theory. Some of us who got to good at this? We were -- escaping something. +Did I say something? No, I know what you mean. I used to spend my life wishing people could be like computers. Least they make sense. Sometimes you think they've betrayed you. Like a person would. But then you see, no, you just missed a step. You can go back and make it all work. +What've you got there? Graphical interfaces. For Skywire? I'm s'posed to coordinate with you. +Graphical interfaces. For Skywire? I'm s'posed to coordinate with you. Show me. +Cool! Yeah? I ran it for lots of platforms, ranging from the narrowest bandwidth to -- +Did you wanna be alone? No. Please. +They just pushed up the schedule on Skywire apps. How fast are you going? """There is no second place."" Plus every time I get jammed-up, Gary has an inspiration. Is it like that with your counselor?" +"""There is no second place."" Plus every time I get jammed-up, Gary has an inspiration. Is it like that with your counselor?" Mine's not the CEO. He barely remembers to take a shower. +Mine's not the CEO. He barely remembers to take a shower. Right, right. But does he ever just, like, hand you code? +Right, right. But does he ever just, like, hand you code? Maybe once. I re-wrote it, anyway. +Maybe once. I re-wrote it, anyway. You're compulsive. +You're compulsive. Mmm-more like -- I have a little trouble. Trusting people. +Mmm-more like -- I have a little trouble. Trusting people. Why's that? +Why's that? Long story. Not that interesting. +So, when you were talking about wishing people were more like computers. Was that then? Or now? Then and now. But not right now. +That's great. I -- didn't know. She saved my life. +I snuck into #21. Why would you do a thing like -- +Why would you do a thing like -- You thought about it too. You've been suspicious for a while. But it's not happening in there. It's happening in the Day Care. +You thought about it too. You've been suspicious for a while. But it's not happening in there. It's happening in the Day Care. The Day Care? +It's easy to know who the smart geeks are, the schools tell 'em. They upload medical files, school records, pharmacy files. They'd be happy just to steal code forever. But when a program gets close to fruition. Like Teddy. He was almost there. But why would they --? +But why would they --? "You know. There is no second place. And what's the risk? The killings're undetectable, they're hand-tailored, they make ""sense."" I mean, they're in the information business. They have scenarios for all of us, too. In case we find out too much." +I know why you're so secretive. Why you won't let anybody near you. I know what he did to you. Oh yeah? +Is that my -- scenario? Tell me. They'd frame him. +They'd frame him. He's out of prison? +He's out of prison? "They're already watching you. If they had to, they'd give him this drug that mimics an alcoholic blackout. He'd wake up not even remembering his ""act of revenge.""" +...Milo? Hmm? +Hmm? I always felt if a -- boy I liked ever found out -- he'd run. He'd think I was unclean. +I always felt if a -- boy I liked ever found out -- he'd run. He'd think I was unclean. No, no. Never. +What about the FBI? They've got this guy in the DOJ, maybe others. We tell the wrong person, it's over. +They've got this guy in the DOJ, maybe others. We tell the wrong person, it's over. Who can we trust? +Who can we trust? There's always a logical answer -- you just have to define the question. +Do we post it on the Net? There're so many disinformation sites about Gary already. Where he has devil's horns or they crop him in with Saddam Hussein. +The mainstream media. TV, or a newsmagazine. Right. But Gary's tied-in to a lot of media conglomerates. Have to be careful who we pick. +Right. But Gary's tied-in to a lot of media conglomerates. Have to be careful who we pick. We could cross-reference a data base on media ownership. But not on our own computers. Not even at home. +We could cross-reference a data base on media ownership. But not on our own computers. Not even at home. Certainly not at my happy home. +He's buying up pretty much everything: cable companies, baby bells, picture libraries, museum rights, film archives... Getting ready for Skywire. "What about ""60 Minutes.""" +"What about ""60 Minutes.""" "Yeah, they dig stuff like this. ""CBS News has partnered with Outpost Information Systems in a cable news network due to launch Fall of 2001.""" +"Yeah, they dig stuff like this. ""CBS News has partnered with Outpost Information Systems in a cable news network due to launch Fall of 2001.""" But still, you can't say CBS wouldn't love to break something like -- +But still, you can't say CBS wouldn't love to break something like -- "Say there's just one ""mole"" working there, like Barton at the DOJ. How do we know he's not the guy we've contacted? Or she? Or the guy she works for?" +Time? "Time-Warner has a 40 per cent stake in Gary's set-top device. That also takes out CNN. ""GE joins Outpost in new venture,"" which means NBC is out. ""Disney joins Outpost,"" ABC is out. ""Outpost and Newscorp in new deal,"" Fox is out. Any of these places could have a mole. Or all of 'em. It's like a a continuous loop. We can go to some alternative press place that 1,000 people read, get them and us killed. But anything big enough for this is a parent of or a subsidiary to something Gary's got a finger in!" +How close are you? What? +What? He's got 12 satellites up. He's got dishes on top of 21. He's building this -- mega-network for Skywire. Let's use it. +We can't just assume they're standing by to receive Skywire 12 months from launch. I'd have to write in an aglet. A what? +A what? It's how on-line services push logos they wanna sell you. You don't ask for 'em, they just appear. 'Have to work on it somewhere besides my office or my house. And then the quality of the broadcast wouldn't exactly be digital, that's 12 months away. +It's how on-line services push logos they wanna sell you. You don't ask for 'em, they just appear. 'Have to work on it somewhere besides my office or my house. And then the quality of the broadcast wouldn't exactly be digital, that's 12 months away. But they'd still get the idea, right? +But they'd still get the idea, right? You'd have to design a graphic interface to make the data pop. Maybe some audio, too. To tie it all in to Gary. How long would that take you? +You'd have to design a graphic interface to make the data pop. Maybe some audio, too. To tie it all in to Gary. How long would that take you? It's a standard GUI. Once I've got a concept, it's maybe three day's work. +It's a standard GUI. Once I've got a concept, it's maybe three day's work. Gary knows I'm close on Skywire. We have to do this fast. +Gary knows I'm close on Skywire. We have to do this fast. Before they kill somebody else, too. +Before they kill somebody else, too. Oh, man. I'd have to get into Gary's house. To get the satellite positions. +Oh, man. I'd have to get into Gary's house. To get the satellite positions. You mean -- break in? +You mean -- break in? I don't know -- +I don't know -- And what if the broadcast dishes on top of 21 aren't hot yet? You said the place isn't finished. +Why were you so careless? I thought the worst they would do is fire me. Who knew they took termination so literally? +Why were you snooping in my office? Oh. I liked you. I was checking you out. +'Think everybody in this place is here the same reason we are? 'Cause their apartments might be bugged? +I told Teddy about you. What'd he say? +What'd he say? """A beautiful geek? What're the chances?""" +"I felt guilty. 'Cause I ""owed so much"" to Alice. But even then I was starting to wonder. Is it so great to be so consumed by this one thing that you let another person do your thinking for you? If you have a lucrative skill, it's all anybody wants from you. You grow older but you don't grow up. You turn into -- into --" Gary. +Great. I knocked off the aglet, as soon as I get a passable version of Skywire we're there. The dishes are juiced up, too. +The dishes are juiced up, too. Thank God. +Thank God. Milo? Shrot suspects somebody broke into #21. I was in his office when he was reviewing the card readouts. +Milo? Shrot suspects somebody broke into #21. I was in his office when he was reviewing the card readouts. They know I broke in. Alice helped me. Shrot's not one of them. He's blundering into this on his own. +They know I broke in. Alice helped me. Shrot's not one of them. He's blundering into this on his own. He doesn't know about the Day Care. +He doesn't know about the Day Care. Hardly anybody does, that's the beauty part. No cameras, the DOJ doesn't bother with it, it's accessed by a tunnel they boast about. You know the best place to hide a leaf? +Hardly anybody does, that's the beauty part. No cameras, the DOJ doesn't bother with it, it's accessed by a tunnel they boast about. You know the best place to hide a leaf? Yeah, that's old, in a tree. +Yeah, that's old, in a tree. Oh. +Oh. Milo? What if Shrot notices somebody entered the Day Care at four A.M.? And tells them about it? +Same with the excerpts I'm choosing: they'll play against any of the images you described. Perfect. How am I gonna get away from the party long enough to -- +Perfect. How am I gonna get away from the party long enough to -- You could always say you have to go the bathroom. +You could always say you have to go the bathroom. That's lame, isn't it? +That's lame, isn't it? You'll come up with something. +Does he know you know? He suspects I know something. I think he was sort of -- explaining himself to me, in case I do. We have to go in tonight. I'm two hours from a Beta version. But I've gotta go home for an hour. +He suspects I know something. I think he was sort of -- explaining himself to me, in case I do. We have to go in tonight. I'm two hours from a Beta version. But I've gotta go home for an hour. Why?! +Why?! She called to apologize. I said I was pulling an all-nighter. She said then come home just to say Hi. Which I always do when we fight, it's suspicious if I don't. +She called to apologize. I said I was pulling an all-nighter. She said then come home just to say Hi. Which I always do when we fight, it's suspicious if I don't. Please don't go. +Please don't go. At this point the worst thing I could do is anything out of the ordinary. +Meet me at the other location. Tell me you're not calling on your car phone?! +They know, I had no choice. Get out of the house now! Do you have a laptop? It's three years old, it -- +It's three years old, it -- Bring it to the other location. +Bring it to the other location. But you said the other -- +Maybe it's the satellite. Let's try #2. +...He knows. What? +What? He's been altering the coordinates since we logged on. He's a step ahead. Let's jump to #12. +Latitude 47 degrees. Wait a second. He knows I know. +...You got my E-mail? And your phone messages. You wanna do what you do, it's not a crime. +And your phone messages. You wanna do what you do, it's not a crime. Is that how Larry feels? +Is that how Larry feels? Uh. Not exactly. +Wanted to say goodbye to him... Hey, we got seed money for the startup! A million-five! +We rented a loft in Sunnyvale. You know what's the bad part? We can't talk about work anymore. We're competitors! The venture capitalists made us sign like 100 confidentiality forms. Outpost made me sign 1,000. 'Guess we'll find out what else we have to talk about. Life stuff. +But these, like, White Supremacists trashed my office, last week. What?! +They're in the neighborhood. They usually hassle Vietnamese grocers. Jesus, Teddy. +Jesus, Teddy. I'm cool. They didn't touch the machine. Or my disks. Probably didn't know what they were. So, you a Moonie yet? Milo? +I'm cool. They didn't touch the machine. Or my disks. Probably didn't know what they were. So, you a Moonie yet? Milo? I met this girl. +I met this girl. What? Come on. Is it serious? +What? Come on. Is it serious? I don't know. +I don't know. Did you tell Alice? +Did you tell Alice? No! I keep thinking it'll go away. But there's this -- connection. She's been hacking since she was little, she had to move around a lot. Plus I see her every day, we're working on the same program. She's -- beautiful. +No! I keep thinking it'll go away. But there's this -- connection. She's been hacking since she was little, she had to move around a lot. Plus I see her every day, we're working on the same program. She's -- beautiful. A beautiful geek? I don't wanna sound paranoid, or like a pig, but what're the chances? +A beautiful geek? I don't wanna sound paranoid, or like a pig, but what're the chances? What d'you mean? +What d'you mean? I dunno. I guess Larry's got me totally suspicious of that place. +I dunno. I guess Larry's got me totally suspicious of that place. What does that mean? +What does that mean? Milo, geeks don't have two girlfriends. Most don't have one. +Milo, geeks don't have two girlfriends. Most don't have one. I didn't plan this. +So -- how far are we from the campus? Oh we're not going to the campus. +So how'd you like the house? His Snapples were in alphabetical order. +His Snapples were in alphabetical order. Well, he micro-managed the company till it got too big... 'Guess he needs to micro-manage something. +Every geek here's got a thing for Lisa. But that's about the biggest reaction she's had to anybody. She's a programmer? +She's a programmer? Heavy graphical background, doing design-interface for Skywire apps. You'll be working with her. +Heavy graphical background, doing design-interface for Skywire apps. You'll be working with her. I've got a girlfriend, remember? +I've got a girlfriend, remember? Right. That's rare around here. You know how nuns' re-married to Jesus? 'Posties are married to Outpost. +What're they building? #21. Way behind schedule. It's top- secret, but everybody knows it's a digital broadcast space. They see the dishes on top, the fiber optics going in. +#21. Way behind schedule. It's top- secret, but everybody knows it's a digital broadcast space. They see the dishes on top, the fiber optics going in. Gary's not into fiber optics. He's betting everything on the satellites. +Gary's not into fiber optics. He's betting everything on the satellites. You wanna survive in the software business, you cover your bets... I gotta say, this is the weirdest car anybody ever requested. +We tried the big vaporware number, Gary, it's no-sale. Can we buy into their IPO? Or is that a Justice Dept. problem? +Can we buy into their IPO? Or is that a Justice Dept. problem? There is no public offering. The guy who wrote it joined some freakazoid cult in San Luis Obispo. 'Wrote this just to run their web site. +Maybe he'll get back to work. Speaking of which... +Speaking of which... Yeah, yeah. +Did you download Corey? In San Jose? Damn. 'Have to go back over there. Be so much easier if we could walk in the front door. +Damn. 'Have to go back over there. Be so much easier if we could walk in the front door. You don't look anything like a three- year-old. +What is it? Not much. Glorified cherry bomb. Right by the civil defense sign? Some geek's idea of irony. I been saying we need a camera in this hall. +Not much. Glorified cherry bomb. Right by the civil defense sign? Some geek's idea of irony. I been saying we need a camera in this hall. There's nothing in this hall. Someone's pulling your chain, as usual. +There's nothing in this hall. Someone's pulling your chain, as usual. Unless it's a diversion. Milo's in my office. He was tailgating, so I -- +That kid's the great white hope. I could get it out of him. +I could get it out of him. You're not listening. +Who're these guys? Where is he? +Where is he? We're too late. Take a look. +Fellas, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave here now. Wait a second. I'm the one who found out he was mucking around in here in the first place. +Wait a second. I'm the one who found out he was mucking around in here in the first place. We're all grateful for that. Really. Go out the way you came in? +You seem surprised to see me. I thought you'd quit while you were ahead. +I thought you'd quit while you were ahead. What, and watch all my earnings go... Down the toilet? +What, and watch all my earnings go... Down the toilet? What do you want, Mr... Cunningham, was it? +What do you want, Mr... Cunningham, was it? Call me Ritchie, Miss Fagina. May I call you Alotta... Please? +Call me Ritchie, Miss Fagina. May I call you Alotta... Please? You may. +You may. Your boss, Number Two, I understand that cat's involved in big underground drills. +Your boss, Number Two, I understand that cat's involved in big underground drills. Virtucon's main interest is in cable television, but they do have a subterranean construction division, yes. How did you know? +Virtucon's main interest is in cable television, but they do have a subterranean construction division, yes. How did you know? I didn't, baby, you just told me. +I didn't, baby, you just told me. It's for the mining industry, Mr. Cunningham. We can talk about business later. But first, let me slip into something more comfortable. +It's for the mining industry, Mr. Cunningham. We can talk about business later. But first, let me slip into something more comfortable. Behave! +Come in. I'd rather talk about Number Two. +I'd rather talk about Number Two. Don't you like girls, Mr. Cunningham? Come in, and I'll show you everything you need to know. +May I wash you? Groovy. +In Japan, men come first and women come second. Or sometimes not at all. +Or sometimes not at all. Care for some saki? +Care for some saki? Sak-i it to me! +How do you feel, Mr. Cunningham? Mmmm... I feel extreme relaxation. +'Pardon me for being rude, It was not me, it was my food. It just popped up to say hello, and now it's gone back down below.' That's very clever. Do you know any other poems? +That's very clever. Do you know any other poems? 'Milk, milk, lemonade. Round the corner fudge is made. Stick your finger in the hole, And out comes a tootsie roll!' +'Milk, milk, lemonade. Round the corner fudge is made. Stick your finger in the hole, And out comes a tootsie roll!' Thank you, that's beautiful. To your health. +Thank you, that's beautiful. To your health. To my health. +To my health. Kiss me. +Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Is it about my teeth? +Is it about my teeth? Yes. +Yes. Damn. What exactly do you do at Virtucon? +Damn. What exactly do you do at Virtucon? I'll tell you all in due time, after we make love. But first, tell me another poem. +I'll tell you all in due time, after we make love. But first, tell me another poem. I think it was Wordsworth who penned this little gem: 'Press the button, pull the chain, out comes a chocolate choo-choo train.' +I think it was Wordsworth who penned this little gem: 'Press the button, pull the chain, out comes a chocolate choo-choo train.' Oh, you're very clever. Let's make love, you silly, hairy little man. +Austin Powers? Hi, I'm Andy Warhol. Hey, how are you? +Hey, how are you? Hungry. +Hungry. Here, have this can of Campbell's Tomato Soup. +I'm going to paint this can of soup and become famous and not give you any credit for it. If you can become famous, everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame, man. +If you can become famous, everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame, man. """Fifteen minutes of fame?"" I'm going to use that quote and not give you any credit for that, either." +"""Fifteen minutes of fame?"" I'm going to use that quote and not give you any credit for that, either." Smashing! +Hello, Austin. This is Basil Exposition, Chief of British Intelligence. You're Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, and you're with Agent Mrs. Kensington. The year is 1967, and you're talking on a picture phone. We know all that, Exposition. +We know all that, Exposition. I just wanted to be extremely clear so that everyone knows what's going on at any given time. We've just received word that Dr. Evil, the ultimate square, is planning to take over the world. +I just wanted to be extremely clear so that everyone knows what's going on at any given time. We've just received word that Dr. Evil, the ultimate square, is planning to take over the world. Dr. Evil? I thought I put him in jail for good. +Dr. Evil? I thought I put him in jail for good. I'm afraid not. Earlier this week, Dr. Evil escaped from Zedel Edel Prison in Baaden Baaden and now he's planning a trap for you tonight at the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club in Picadilly Circus here in swinging London. +Just where you'd never think to look for him. We'll be there. Good luck, Austin. +Good luck, Austin. Thank you. +Thank you. Oh, and Austin... +Oh, and Austin... Yes? +Yes? Be careful. +Be careful. Thank you. Let's go, baby! +Where am I? You're in the Ministry of Defense. It's 1997. You've been cryogenically frozen for thirty years. +You're in the Ministry of Defense. It's 1997. You've been cryogenically frozen for thirty years. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? +WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? The shouting is a temporary side- effect of the unfreezing process. +The shouting is a temporary side- effect of the unfreezing process. Yes, I'm having trouble controlling... THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE! +Yes, I'm having trouble controlling... THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE! You might also experience a slight fever, dry mouth, and flatulence at moments of extreme relaxation. Austin, this is Commander Gilmour, Strategic Command, and General Borschevsky, Russian Intelligence. +You might also experience a slight fever, dry mouth, and flatulence at moments of extreme relaxation. Austin, this is Commander Gilmour, Strategic Command, and General Borschevsky, Russian Intelligence. Russian Intelligence? Are you mad? +Russian Intelligence? Are you mad? A lot's happened since you were frozen, Austin. The cold war's over. +A lot's happened since you were frozen, Austin. The cold war's over. Thank God. Those capitalist dogs will finally pay for their crimes against the people, hey Comrades? +Thank God. Those capitalist dogs will finally pay for their crimes against the people, hey Comrades? We won, Austin. +We won, Austin. Groovy. Smashing! Good on ya! Nice tie. Yea capitalism! +When do I begin? Immediately. You'll be working with Ms. Kensington. +Immediately. You'll be working with Ms. Kensington. You mean Mrs. Kensington? +You mean Mrs. Kensington? No, Austin, Mrs. Kensington has long- since retired. Ms. Kensington is her daughter. +Vanessa's one of our top agents. My God, Vanessa's got a smashing body. I bet she shags like a minx. How do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner monologue? I hope I didn't say that out loud just now. +Yes, well...Agent Kensington will get you set up. She's very dedicated. Perhaps, a little too dedicated. She's got a bit of a bug up her ass. Good luck, Austin, the world's depending on you. Thank you, Exposition. +Thank you, Exposition. Oh, and Austin... +Oh, and Austin... Yes? +Yes? Be careful. +Be careful. Thanks. +Hello Austin. Hello Vanessa. This is Basil Exposition, from British Intelligence. There's a company in Las Vegas called Virtucon that we think may be linked to Dr. Evil. Many of the Virtucon executives gamble at the hotel/casino where you'll be staying. That's the first place you should look. Well, I'm off to the chat rooms. Thank you, Exposition. +Thank you, Exposition. Oh, and Austin... +Oh, and Austin... Yes? +Yes? Be careful. +Hello, Austin, this is Basil Exposition from British Intelligence. Thank you for confirming the link between Dr. Evil and Virtucon. Find out what part Virtucon plays in something called Project Vulcan. I'll need you and Vanessa to get on that immediately. Right away, Exposition. +Right away, Exposition. Where is Vanessa, by the way? +She's working on another lead right now. Then you'll have to go it alone. Good luck. +Then you'll have to go it alone. Good luck. Thank you, Basil. +Thank you, Basil. Oh, and Austin... +Oh, and Austin... Yes? +Yes? Let me remind you that because of the unfreezing process you might experience flatulence at moments of extreme relaxation. +Let me remind you that because of the unfreezing process you might experience flatulence at moments of extreme relaxation. Oh, yes. Thank you. +Oh, yes. Thank you. There's one more thing, Austin. +There's one more thing, Austin. Yes? +Yes? Be careful. +Be careful. Thank you. +Hello, Exposition. Austin, Vanessa, let me bring you up to speed. Dr. Evil has high- jacked a nuclear warhead from Kreplachistan and is holding the world ransom for one-hundred billion dollars. If the world doesn't pay up in four days, he's threatening to destroy the world. +Austin, Vanessa, let me bring you up to speed. Dr. Evil has high- jacked a nuclear warhead from Kreplachistan and is holding the world ransom for one-hundred billion dollars. If the world doesn't pay up in four days, he's threatening to destroy the world. Thank you, Exposition. Only two things, scare me, and one is nuclear war. +Thank you, Exposition. Only two things, scare me, and one is nuclear war. What's the other? +What's the other? Excuse me? +Excuse me? What's the other thing you're scared of? +What's the other thing you're scared of? Carnies. +Carnies. What? +What? Circus folk. Nomads, you know. They smell like cabbage. +Circus folk. Nomads, you know. They smell like cabbage. Indeed... If we could get back to the business at hand. It's one thing to have a warhead, it's quite another thing to have the missiles to launch it. +Indeed... If we could get back to the business at hand. It's one thing to have a warhead, it's quite another thing to have the missiles to launch it. Maybe these photographs are the last piece of that puzzle. I've uncovered the details on Project Vulcan. It's a new subterranean warhead delivery system. +Maybe these photographs are the last piece of that puzzle. I've uncovered the details on Project Vulcan. It's a new subterranean warhead delivery system. Good God, and underground missile. We've long feared such a development. +My God, Austin, what have you done? That's not your mother, that's a man! +I'm sorry, Basil, I thought she was a man. Damn it, man! You're talking about my mother! +Damn it, man! You're talking about my mother! You must admit, she is rather mannish. No offense, but if that's a woman, it looks like she's been beaten with an ugly stick. +All right, Austin, I think you should go. I think if everyone were honest, they'd confess that the lady looks exactly like a man in drag. +I think if everyone were honest, they'd confess that the lady looks exactly like a man in drag. I'm leaving! Oh, and Austin? +I'm leaving! Oh, and Austin? Yes, Basil? +Yes, Basil? Be careful. +Be careful. Thanks. +Well, Austin, you've stopped Dr. Evil from destroying the world with his subterranean nuclear probe, and somehow you and Agent Kensington managed to escape unscathed from his evil lair. I'd say that about sums it up, Exposition. +I'd say that about sums it up, Exposition. Not quite, actually. Vanessa, I have something for you. +Congratulations, Field Agent Kensington! Austin, I have something for you as well. +Here's the number of my dentist, he's first rate. Ring him up, he'll look after you. Thanks, Basil. Maybe the Nineties aren't so bad after all. +But, wait, I-- you got me again. Oh, and Austin-- Yes Basil? +Yes Basil? Be careful! +Hey Austin Powers, it's me, Mick Jagger. Hey, Mick! +Hey, Mick! Are you more satisfied now sexually, Austin? +Are you more satisfied now sexually, Austin? Well, you can't always get what you want. +Well, you can't always get what you want. """You can't always get what you want!"" That's a great title for a song! I'm gonna write that, and it'll be a big hit." +"""You can't always get what you want!"" That's a great title for a song! I'm gonna write that, and it'll be a big hit." Good on ya, man. +Good on ya, man. Groovy! +Good afternoon, Mr. Powers, I'm the Destructacon 5000. I'm programmed to prevent you from progressing beyond this point. You might as well surrender. Resistance is futile. Your odds of survival are 23,763,273 to... Well, Destructacon 5000, you have quite a head on your shoulders, I dare to coin. +Well, Destructacon 5000, you have quite a head on your shoulders, I dare to coin. Yes, I am programmed to answer any question. +Yes, I am programmed to answer any question. Really? Let me ask you this. What is love? +Really? Let me ask you this. What is love? That does not compute. +That does not compute. Why not? It's a question. +Why not? It's a question. Love is... love is... love is... +What's wrong with your hand? Don't try to suck up to me! It's a little late for that. I'm a freak! Look at it, it's been rendered useless. +I'm sorry, baby, I'm just not grocking your head space. Oh forget it. As a fellow player on the international stage, Mr. Powers, I'm sure you'll enjoy watching the curtain fall on the third and final act. +Dr. Evil, do you really expect them to pay? No, Mr. Powers, I expect them to die. Even after they pay me the money, I'm still going to melt all the cities of the world with hot magma. All right, guard, begin the unnecessarily Slow-Moving Dipping Mechanism. +I've got you, Dr. Evil! Well done, Mr. Powers. We're not so different, you and I. It's true, you're British, and I'm Belgian. You have a full head of hair, mine is slightly receding. You're thin, I'm about forty pounds overweight. OK, we are different, I'm not making a very good point. However, isn't it ironic, Mr. Powers, that the very things you stand for-- swinging, free love, parties, distrust of authority- are all now, in the Nineties, considered to be... evil? Maybe we have more in common than you care to admit. +Well done, Mr. Powers. We're not so different, you and I. It's true, you're British, and I'm Belgian. You have a full head of hair, mine is slightly receding. You're thin, I'm about forty pounds overweight. OK, we are different, I'm not making a very good point. However, isn't it ironic, Mr. Powers, that the very things you stand for-- swinging, free love, parties, distrust of authority- are all now, in the Nineties, considered to be... evil? Maybe we have more in common than you care to admit. No, man, what we swingers were rebelling against were uptight squares like you, whose bag was money and world domination. We were innocent, man. If we'd known the consequences of our sexual liberation, we would have done things differently, but the spirit would have remained the same. It's freedom, man. +No, man, what we swingers were rebelling against were uptight squares like you, whose bag was money and world domination. We were innocent, man. If we'd known the consequences of our sexual liberation, we would have done things differently, but the spirit would have remained the same. It's freedom, man. Your freedom has cause more pain and suffering in the world than any plan I ever dreamed of. Face it, freedom failed. +Your freedom has cause more pain and suffering in the world than any plan I ever dreamed of. Face it, freedom failed. That's why right now is a very groovy time, man. We still have freedom, but we also have responsibility. +That's why right now is a very groovy time, man. We still have freedom, but we also have responsibility. Really, there's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster. +It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil. Not really. Kill the little bastard. See what I care. +Not really. Kill the little bastard. See what I care. Man, you are one chilly square! +Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimate you to the Nineties. You know, a lot's changed since 1967. Well, as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection, while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound. +Well, as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection, while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound. My mother's told me all about you. +My mother's told me all about you. If it's a lie, goddamn her. It it's the truth, goddamn me. God, I hope that's witty. How's your mum? +If it's a lie, goddamn her. It it's the truth, goddamn me. God, I hope that's witty. How's your mum? My mother's doing quite well, thank you very much. +OK, OK, man, don't get heavy, I'll sign. Just to get things moving, baby. Listen, Mr. Powers, I look forward to working with you, but do me a favor and stop calling me baby. You can address me as Agent Kensington. We have to leave immediately. We've preserved your private jet just as you left it. It's waiting at Heathrow Airport. +Listen, Mr. Powers, I look forward to working with you, but do me a favor and stop calling me baby. You can address me as Agent Kensington. We have to leave immediately. We've preserved your private jet just as you left it. It's waiting at Heathrow Airport. My jumbo jet? Smashing baby. +Pretty groovy Jumbo Jet, eh? How does a hot chick like you end up working at the Ministry of Defense? I went to Oxford and excelled in several subjects, but I ended up specializing in foreign languages. I wanted to travel -- see the world. In my last year I was accepted into the M.O.D. in the Cultural Studies sector. I thought I was off on an exciting career, but my job was to read everything printed in every country. It's very boring. My whole day is spent reading wedding announcements in Farsi. If I do well with this case, I finally get promoted to field operative... +I went to Oxford and excelled in several subjects, but I ended up specializing in foreign languages. I wanted to travel -- see the world. In my last year I was accepted into the M.O.D. in the Cultural Studies sector. I thought I was off on an exciting career, but my job was to read everything printed in every country. It's very boring. My whole day is spent reading wedding announcements in Farsi. If I do well with this case, I finally get promoted to field operative... That's fascinating, Vanessa. Listen, why don't we go into the back and shag? +That's fascinating, Vanessa. Listen, why don't we go into the back and shag? I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? I've been frozen for thirty years, man, I want to see if my bits and pieces are still working. +I've been frozen for thirty years, man, I want to see if my bits and pieces are still working. Excuse me? +Excuse me? My wedding tackle. +My wedding tackle. I'm sorry? +I'm sorry? My meat and two veg. +My meat and two veg. Mr. Powers, please. I know that you must be a little confused, but we have a very serious situation at hand. I would appreciate it if you'd concentrate on our mission and give your libido a rest. +Mr. Powers, please. I know that you must be a little confused, but we have a very serious situation at hand. I would appreciate it if you'd concentrate on our mission and give your libido a rest. Have you ever made love to a Chigro? +Have you ever made love to a Chigro? A Chigro? +A Chigro? You know, a Chigro... part Chinese, part Negro... Chigro. +You know, a Chigro... part Chinese, part Negro... Chigro. We don't use the term 'Negro' anymore. It's considered offensive. +We don't use the term 'Negro' anymore. It's considered offensive. That's right. You're supposed to say 'colored' now, right? Here's the stewardesses! Bring on the sexy stews! +Brrrr! She must be frigid. There's two things I know about life: one, Americans will never take to soccer. Two, Swedish girls and stewardesses love to shag! They're shag-mad, man! Let me ask you a question, Vanessa, and be honest. Sure. +Sure. Do I make you horny? +Do I make you horny? What? +What? Do I make you horny? Randy, you know. To you, am I eros manifest? +Do I make you horny? Randy, you know. To you, am I eros manifest? I hope this is part of the unfreezing process. +I hope this is part of the unfreezing process. Listen, Vanessa, I'm a swinger... That's what I do, I swing. +Listen, Vanessa, I'm a swinger... That's what I do, I swing. I understand that, Mr. Powers, but let me be perfectly clear with you, perhaps to the point of being insulting. I will never have sex with you, ever. If you were the last man on Earth and I was the last woman on Earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you. +You've preserved my Jag! Smashing! Yes, we've had it retrofitted with a secure cellular phone, an on-board computer, and a Global Geosynchronous Positioning Device. Oh, and finally, this. +Let me guess. The floss is garotte wire, the toothpaste contains plastic explosives, and the toothbrush is the detonation device. No, actually. I don't know how to put this really. Well, there have been fabulous advances in the field of dentistry. +No, actually. I don't know how to put this really. Well, there have been fabulous advances in the field of dentistry. Why? What's wrong with my teeth? +Hey, who put this in here? Someone's playing a prank on me! Honestly, this isn't mine. I'm sure. +I'm sure. I think I'll give that stew a ding-a- ling. +I love Las Vegas, man. Oh, I forgot my x-ray glasses. Here, use mine. +Here, use mine. I'm going to use a cover name. It's important that it be a generic name so that we don't draw attention to ourselves. +I can't see a bloody thing. Oh, I forgot to tell you, they're prescription X-ray glasses. I have very bad astigmatism. +Why did you leave so soon? That cat Number Two has an X-ray eyepatch. I get bad vibes from him, man. Listen, we should go back to the room, but first I have to go to the naughty chair and see a man about a dog. +Good morning, luv, who are you on the phone with? Do you want to talk to him? +Good morning, Vanessa! I hope you have on clean underwear. Why? +Why? We've got a doctor's appointment-- an evil doctor's appointment. +A limousine has just pulled up. Let me see. +Hello, hello. That's Dr. Evil's cat. How do you know? +How do you know? I never forget a pussy... cat. +Let's go get him! He's too well-protected right now. +He's too well-protected right now. We can't just sit here, Austin. +We can't just sit here, Austin. Let me tell you a story. There's these two bulls on top of a hill checking out some foxy cows in the meadow below. The young bull says, 'hey, why don't we run down the hill and shag us a cow?', and the wise old bull replies, 'no, why don't we walk down the hill and shag all the cows?' +Let me tell you a story. There's these two bulls on top of a hill checking out some foxy cows in the meadow below. The young bull says, 'hey, why don't we run down the hill and shag us a cow?', and the wise old bull replies, 'no, why don't we walk down the hill and shag all the cows?' I don't get it. +I don't get it. Well, you know... cows, and shagging. +Well, you know... cows, and shagging. Unfortunately, while you told that stupid story, Dr. Evil has escaped. +Unfortunately, while you told that stupid story, Dr. Evil has escaped. No worries, luv. We'll just give Basil a tinkle on the telling bone... +I hate having my picture taken. You're crazy. The camera loves you, Vanessa. +Fancy a nibble? I couldn't have another bite. +Watch out, you're on my hair! Sorry. Move your hand to the left. There you go. Gorgeous. +Sorry. Move your hand to the left. There you go. Gorgeous. Go! Just go! +I haven't had fun like that since college. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Why? +Why? I'm sorry that bug up your ass had to die. +Always wanting to have fun, that's you in a nutshell. No, this is me in a nutshell. +You're smashed, Vanessa. I am not. +I am not. Oh, yes you are. +Oh, yes you are. I'm not. I'm the sensible one. I'm always the designated driver. +I can't. You're drunk. It's not that I'm drunk, I'm just beginning to see what my Mum was talking about. What was my mother like back in the Sixties? I'm dying to know. +It's not that I'm drunk, I'm just beginning to see what my Mum was talking about. What was my mother like back in the Sixties? I'm dying to know. She was very groovy. She was so in love with your Dad. If there was one other cat in this world that could have loved your Mum and treated her as well as you Dad did, it was me. But, unfortunately for yours truly, that train has sailed. +Really, Austin! Look at her hands, baby! Those are carpenter's hands. +Austin, may I have a word with you? Of course, luv. +Of course, luv. Listen, I know I'm just being neurotic, but I can't shake this suspicious feeling about that Italian secretary, Ms. Fagina. I mean, I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have some jealousy issues. You went to her penthouse. It makes me feel so small to give into these insecurities, but I can't help but feel this weird, irrational, unfocused... well, jealousy. I'm sorry. +Listen, I know I'm just being neurotic, but I can't shake this suspicious feeling about that Italian secretary, Ms. Fagina. I mean, I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have some jealousy issues. You went to her penthouse. It makes me feel so small to give into these insecurities, but I can't help but feel this weird, irrational, unfocused... well, jealousy. I'm sorry. Don't be sorry. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her. I shagged her rotten. +Don't be sorry. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her. I shagged her rotten. I can't believe you made love to her just like that. Did you use protection? +I can't believe you made love to her just like that. Did you use protection? Of course, I had my nine-millimeter automatic. +Of course, I had my nine-millimeter automatic. No, did you use a condom? +No, did you use a condom? Only sailors use condoms, man. +Only sailors use condoms, man. Not in the Nineties. +Not in the Nineties. Well they should, filthy beggars, they go from port to port. Alotta meant nothing to me. +Well they should, filthy beggars, they go from port to port. Alotta meant nothing to me. Well, it means something to me. If you want us to have a relationship, you've got to be a one-woman man. +Well, it means something to me. If you want us to have a relationship, you've got to be a one-woman man. It was just a shag, Vanessa. You're everything to me. +It was just a shag, Vanessa. You're everything to me. You just don't get it, do you, Austin? Good night. Welcome to the Nineties, you're going to be very lonely. +Hello, luv. Thirty years of political and social upheaval. The fall of the Berlin wall, a female Prime Minister of England, the abolishment of Apartheid, a fascinating tapestry of human strum und drang. +Thirty years of political and social upheaval. The fall of the Berlin wall, a female Prime Minister of England, the abolishment of Apartheid, a fascinating tapestry of human strum und drang. Yeah, I can't believe Liberace was gay. Women loved him, man. I didn't see that one coming. +Yeah, I can't believe Liberace was gay. Women loved him, man. I didn't see that one coming. Basil was very concerned to know where you were last night. +Basil was very concerned to know where you were last night. Out and about, doing odds and sods. +Out and about, doing odds and sods. I'll tell him. By the way, I've decided we should keep our relationship strictly professional. +Since I've been unfrozen, I've had a rancid taste in my mouth. Do you have a piece of gum? Do you think she's prettier than I? +Do you think she's prettier than I? Who? +Who? You know who. +You know who. No! Don't lay your hang-ups on me, Vanessa. You're being very trippy. +No! Don't lay your hang-ups on me, Vanessa. You're being very trippy. I'm looking at you, and the whole time I can't help thinking you had your willie inside her hootchie-kooch. +Austin, we don't look anything like our photo badges. Don't worry, baby. I picked up a mind control technique during my travels to India. I learned it from my guru, the late Guru Shastri, a chaste man who mysteriously died of a disease that had all the hallmarks of syphilis. Just watch me. Watch me, now. +Thank God, Austin, we made it. Yes, act naturally and we'll split this scene the way we came in, Vanessa. +Does that make you horny? Not now, Austin. +First, I plan to soil myself. Then, I plan to regroup and think about the next move. Any thoughts? Sadly, no. Hold on! I always keep this on me just in case. +All right, I get it. I have bad teeth. You have to understand, in Britain in the Sixties you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter. No, no, no. We'll use the floss to get to the ledge. +No, no, no. We'll use the floss to get to the ledge. Smashing idea! Give it to me. +Not a good time to lose one's head. Indeed. +Indeed. That's not the way to get ahead in life. +That's not the way to get ahead in life. Yes. +Yes. It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong. +It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong. Shut up. +Shut up. Fair enough. +What do we do now? We've got a freaked out square and world annihilation is his bag. You go get help. I'm gonna stay here and keep an eye on the bad Doctor. +We've got a freaked out square and world annihilation is his bag. You go get help. I'm gonna stay here and keep an eye on the bad Doctor. I'm not going anywhere. We're a team. +I'm not going anywhere. We're a team. Too right, youth. That's why I need you to lead the troops. +Too right, youth. That's why I need you to lead the troops. I'll hurry back. +I'll hurry back. Listen, Vanessa, whatever happens, I just want you to know that I feel bad about shagging that Italian girl. I had a sip of sake and all of the sudden, I don't know what happened. The whole time I was shagging her-- I mean really shagging her, I mean it was crazy, I was like a huge mechanical piston, in and out, IN and OUT!-- +Listen, Vanessa, whatever happens, I just want you to know that I feel bad about shagging that Italian girl. I had a sip of sake and all of the sudden, I don't know what happened. The whole time I was shagging her-- I mean really shagging her, I mean it was crazy, I was like a huge mechanical piston, in and out, IN and OUT!-- Austin, what's your point? +Austin, what's your point? Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that if you want me to be a one-woman man, well, that's just groovy, because... I love you. +Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that if you want me to be a one-woman man, well, that's just groovy, because... I love you. Oh, behave! +It's not what it looks like, Vanessa. At ease, boys. Likewise. +Likewise. I can explain. They attacked me. Gas came out of her...well, and then they... and I... +I can explain. They attacked me. Gas came out of her...well, and then they... and I... I believe you, Austin. Let's go. +I believe you, Austin. Let's go. Hold on a tick, let me put on my togs. +Follow me! We're going to have to jump over the rail! Are you crazy? +Are you crazy? Don't worry! +Austin, I'm coming with you. I'm going it alone this time, Vanessa. I have a follow-up visit with the Evil Doctor. +I'm going it alone this time, Vanessa. I have a follow-up visit with the Evil Doctor. I'll secure the perimeter. +I have something to tell you. Lay it on me. +Lay it on me. I love you, Austin. +I love you, Austin. That's fab, because I love you, too, Vanessa. +That's fab, because I love you, too, Vanessa. Kiss me. +Kiss me. Behave! +Danger Powers, personal effects. Actually, my name's Austin Powers. +Actually, my name's Austin Powers. It says here, name Danger Powers. +It says here, name Danger Powers. Danger's my middle name. +Danger's my middle name. OK, Austin Danger Powers: One blue crushed-velvet suit. One frilly lace cravat. One gold medallion with peace symbol. One pair of Italian shoes. One pair of tie-dyed socks, purple. One vinyl recording album: Tom Jones, Live at Las Vegas. One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump. +OK, Austin Danger Powers: One blue crushed-velvet suit. One frilly lace cravat. One gold medallion with peace symbol. One pair of Italian shoes. One pair of tie-dyed socks, purple. One vinyl recording album: Tom Jones, Live at Las Vegas. One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump. That's not mine. +That's not mine. One credit card receipt for Swedish- made penis enlarger pump, signed Austin Powers. +One credit card receipt for Swedish- made penis enlarger pump, signed Austin Powers. I'm telling you, baby, that's not mine. +I'm telling you, baby, that's not mine. One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers. +One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers. I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby. +I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby. One book: Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby, by Austin Powers. +Hi, folks. You're entering a restricted zone. Can I see your security badges? Sure. +Everything seems to be in order. Hey, wait a minute-- +Here, have a piece of gum. Here, have a piece of gum. +Don't mind if I do. Hey! Wait a minute, that's my last piece of gum. +No, no, I want you to have it, even if it's my last piece. No, no, I want you to have it, even if it's my last piece. +No, no, I want you to have it, even if it's my last piece. I'm going to go across the street and get you some sherbert. +Noooooooooooooo! Where did you learn to shoot? +Commander, this is Slater in SoWest Com Three. We have a potential bogey with erratic vectoring and an unorthodox entry angle. Is it one of ours? +Is it one of ours? No. Log Com Bird Twelve says its metalurg recon analysis is a standard alloy, not stealthy, not carbon- composite. It does have an odd shape, sir. +No. Log Com Bird Twelve says its metalurg recon analysis is a standard alloy, not stealthy, not carbon- composite. It does have an odd shape, sir. What are you saying, son? +What are you saying, son? It appears to be in the shape of Bob's Big Boy, sir. +Oh my God, he's back. In many ways, Bob's Big Boy never left, sir. He's always offered the same high quality meals at competitive prices. +In many ways, Bob's Big Boy never left, sir. He's always offered the same high quality meals at competitive prices. Shut up. +Shut up. Should we scramble TacHQ for an intercept? +Should we scramble TacHQ for an intercept? What's its current position? +Commander, I have to log it... That's a direct order. You didn't see a thing! +But my design was perfect! Your autonomic functions were shut down, and even though your arm wasn't frozen, the aging was retarded, therefore your right arm is only slightly older than the left. Can't you see I'm only half a man? Look at me, I'm a freak! +But Dr. Evil, all you need to do is-- --work with this tennis ball. Squeeze it for twenty minutes a day. A few months of that and it'll be just as strong as the other arm... And look what you've done to Mr. Bigglesworth! +We could not anticipate feline complications due to the reanimation process&emdash; Silence! +Ahhhhhhhhh! Let this be a reminder to you all that this organization will not tolerate failure. +We've got a lot of work to do. Someone help me! I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned. +Someone help me! I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned. Some of you I know, some of you I'm meeting for the first time. +Some of you I know, some of you I'm meeting for the first time. Hello up there! Anyone! Can someone call an ambulance? I'm in quite a lot of pain. +Hello up there! Anyone! Can someone call an ambulance? I'm in quite a lot of pain. You've all been gathered here to form my Evil Cabinet. Excuse me. +Ow! You shot me! Right. Okay. Moving on. +Right. Okay. Moving on. You shot me right in the arm! Why did-- +Remember when we froze your semen, you said that if it looked like you weren't coming back to try and make you a son so that a part of you would live forever? Yes. +Yes. Well, after a few years, we got sort of impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son. +Well, after a few years, we got sort of impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son. My son? +My son? Yes. Scott! +Austin Powers is getting too close. He must be neutralized. Any suggestions? Ya wohl-- I mean, yes wohl, Herr Doctor. I have created the ultimate weapon to defeat Austin Powers. Bring on the Fembots! +Breathtaking, Frau. These automated strumpets are the perfect bait for the degenerate Powers. These are the latest word in android replicant technology. Lethal, efficient, brutal. And no man can resist their charms. Send in the soldiers! +Quite impressive. Thank you, Herr Doctor. +Thank you, Herr Doctor. I like to see girls of that caliber. By caliber, I mean both the barrel size of their guns and the high quality of their character... Forget it. +Release the sharks! All the sharks have had laser beams attached to their heads. I figure every creature deserves a warm meal. Dr. Evil? +Dr. Evil? Yes, what is it? You're interrupting my moment of triumph. +Yes, what is it? You're interrupting my moment of triumph. It's about the sharks. Since you were frozen, they've been placed on the Endangered Species List. We tried to get some, but it will take months to clear up the red tape. +It's about the sharks. Since you were frozen, they've been placed on the Endangered Species List. We tried to get some, but it will take months to clear up the red tape. Right. Mr. Powers, we're going to lower you in a tank of piranhas with laser beams attached to their heads. +What is it now? Well, we experimented with lasers, but you would be surprised at how heavy they are. They actually outweighed the piranha themselves, and the fish, well, they sank to the bottom and died. +Well, we experimented with lasers, but you would be surprised at how heavy they are. They actually outweighed the piranha themselves, and the fish, well, they sank to the bottom and died. I have one simple request-- sharks with friggin' laser beams attached to their heads, and it can't be done? Remind me again why I pay you people? What do we have? +I have one simple request-- sharks with friggin' laser beams attached to their heads, and it can't be done? Remind me again why I pay you people? What do we have? Sea bass. +Sea bass. Right. +Right. They're mutated sea bass. +They're mutated sea bass. Really? Are they ill-tempered? +Really? Are they ill-tempered? Please allow me to demonstrate. +That was great, Mr. Keon, Dave. Thank you. OK, group, we have two new member. Say hello to Scott and his father, Mr.... Ehville? Evil, actually, Doctor Evil. +No, the boy's right. I really am evil. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're here, that's what's important. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. +Actually, the boy's quite astute. I am trying to kill him. My Evil Associates have cautioned against it, so here he is, unfortunately, alive. We've heard from Scott, now let's hear from you. +We've heard from Scott, now let's hear from you. The details of my life are quite inconsequential. +The details of my life are quite inconsequential. That's not true, Doctor. Please, tell us about your childhood. +Hi. Hello, Scott. I'm your father, Dr. Evil. I have a son! I have a son! Everyone, I have a son! Someday, Scott, this will all be yours. +Hello, Scott. I'm your father, Dr. Evil. I have a son! I have a son! Everyone, I have a son! Someday, Scott, this will all be yours. I haven't seen you my whole life and now you show up and want a relationship? I hate you! +But Scott, who's going to take over the world when I die? Not me. +An evil vet? No. Maybe, like, work in a petting zoo or something. +No. Maybe, like, work in a petting zoo or something. An evil petting zoo? +An evil petting zoo? You always do that! Anyways, this is really hard, because, you know, my Dad is really evil. +Scott my boy, come here. How was your day? Well, me and a buddy went to the video arcade in town and, like, they don't speak English right, and so my buddy gets into a fight, and he goes 'hey, quit hassling me cause I don't speak French or whatever', and the other guy goes something in Paris talk, and I go 'um, just back off' and he goes 'get out' and I go 'make me'. +Well, me and a buddy went to the video arcade in town and, like, they don't speak English right, and so my buddy gets into a fight, and he goes 'hey, quit hassling me cause I don't speak French or whatever', and the other guy goes something in Paris talk, and I go 'um, just back off' and he goes 'get out' and I go 'make me'. Fascinating. What are your plans for this evening? +Fascinating. What are your plans for this evening? Thought I'd stay in. There's a good tittie movie on Skinemax. +Thought I'd stay in. There's a good tittie movie on Skinemax. And that's how you want to live your life, is it? +And that's how you want to live your life, is it? Yeah. What? +Scott, I want you to meet Daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers. Why are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him? +Why are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him? In due time. +In due time. But what if he escapes? Why don't you just shoot him? What are you waiting for? +But what if he escapes? Why don't you just shoot him? What are you waiting for? I have a better idea. I'm going to put him in an easily-escapable situation involving an overly- elaborate and exotic death. +I have a better idea. I'm going to put him in an easily-escapable situation involving an overly- elaborate and exotic death. Why don't you just shoot him now? Here, I'll get a gun. We'll just shoot him. Bang! Dead. Done. +Why don't you just shoot him now? Here, I'll get a gun. We'll just shoot him. Bang! Dead. Done. One more peep out of you and you're grounded. Let's begin. +Fine. Whatever. Mutated, ill-tempered sea bass it is. Come, let's return to dinner. Close the tank. Aren't you going to watch them? They'll get away! +Aren't you going to watch them? They'll get away! No, we'll leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, and we'll just assume it all went to plan. +No, we'll leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, and we'll just assume it all went to plan. I have a gun in my room. Give me five seconds, I'll come back and blow their brains out. +I have a gun in my room. Give me five seconds, I'll come back and blow their brains out. No, Scott. You just don't get it, do you? +Come, everyone, let us repair to the main chamber. Project Vulcan is about to begin. Scott, are you coming? I don't want to. +I don't want to. Don't you want to see what Daddy does for a living? +Don't you want to see what Daddy does for a living? Blow me. +Blow me. What did you say? +What did you say? Show me. +Dad, we just made a breakthrough in group! I had the group liquidated, you little shit. They were insolent. +I had the group liquidated, you little shit. They were insolent. I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab. +I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab. Scott, don't say that... +We also own the Franklin mint, which makes decorative hand-painted theme plates for collectors. Some plates, like the Gone With The Wind series, have gone up in value as much as two-hundred and forty percent, but, as with any investment, there is some risk involved. Gentlemen, I have a plan. It's called blackmail. The Royal Family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either the Royal Family pays us an exorbitant amount of money, or we make it look like Prince Charles, the heir to the throne, has had an affair outside of marriage and, therefore, they would have to divorce. +Um, Dr. Evil, Prince Charles did have an affair. He admitted it, and they are now divorced, actually. "People have to tell me these things. I've been frozen for thirty years, throw me a bone here. OK, no problem. Here's my second plan. Back in the Sixties I had a weather changing machine that was in essence a sophisticated heat beam which we called a ""laser."" Using this laser, we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the ""Ozone Layer."" Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is, unless the world pays us a hefty ransom." +Umm, that also has already happened. Right. Oh, hell, let's just do what we always do. Let's hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Gentlemen, it's come to my attention that a breakaway Russian Republic called Kreplachistan will be transferring a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. Here's the plan. We get the warhead, and we hold the world ransom... ...FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS! +Don't you think we should ask for more than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't that much money these days. All right then... ...FIVE MILLION DOLLARS! +Virtucon alone makes over nine billion dollars a year. Oh, really? One-hundred billion dollars. OK, make it happen. Anything else? +Oh, hello Vanessa. How was the flight? Great. +Great. How's Austin? +How's Austin? He's asleep. +He's asleep. You didn't... +You didn't... Oh, God no, I made him sleep on the couch. +I'm proud of you. Why? +Why? Because you managed to resist Austin Power's charms. +Well, God knows he tried, but I've been rather firm with him, Mummy. You didn't tell me he was so obsessed with sex. It's bizarre. You can't judge him by modern standards. He's very much a product of his times. In my day he could have any woman he wanted. +You can't judge him by modern standards. He's very much a product of his times. In my day he could have any woman he wanted. What about his teeth? +What about his teeth? You have to understand, in Britain in the Sixties you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter. +You have to understand, in Britain in the Sixties you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter. I just don't see it. +I just don't see it. Just wait. Once Austin gets you in his charms, it's impossible to get out. +Just wait. Once Austin gets you in his charms, it's impossible to get out. Did you ever... +Did you ever... Of course not. I was married to your father. +Of course not. I was married to your father. Did you ever want to? +Did you ever want to? Austin is very charming, very debonair. He's handsome, witty, has a knowledge of fine wines, sophisticated, a world-renowned photographer. Women want him, men want to be him. He's a lover of love-- every bit an International Man of Mystery. +You didn't answer my question, Mum. I know. Let me just say this: Austin was the most loyal and caring friend I ever had. +No, it's been too long. Best to leave things alone. I'm on with a friend! Look, I'd better go. I love you. +I'm on with a friend! Look, I'd better go. I love you. I love you, Vanessa. +So, Scott, why don't we start with you. Why are you here? Well, it's kind of weird. +Well, it's kind of weird. We don't judge here. +We don't judge here. OK. Well, I just really met my Dad for the first time three days ago. He was partially frozen for thirty years. I never knew him growing up. He comes back and now he wants me to take over the family business. +OK. Well, I just really met my Dad for the first time three days ago. He was partially frozen for thirty years. I never knew him growing up. He comes back and now he wants me to take over the family business. And how do you feel about that? +And how do you feel about that? I don't wanna take over the family business. +What do you want to do, Scott? I don't know. I was thinking, maybe I'd be a vet or something, cause I like animals and stuff. +We don't label people here, Scott. No, he's really evil. +No, he's really evil. Scott. +I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me. "OK, Scott, no one really wants to ""kill"" anyone here. They say it, but they don't mean it." +We're not yet open for business, I'm afraid. Shame. I was recommended. By a friend. +Shame. I was recommended. By a friend. Really? +Really? Sir August Merryweather? I was looking for something relaxing. Say, a Tuscan hillside in June? +Sir August Merryweather? I was looking for something relaxing. Say, a Tuscan hillside in June? Normally, we'd be eager to oblige -- +Normally, we'd be eager to oblige -- Seriously? +Seriously? Of course. Natural weather delivered to your door on demand. Down your phoneline. For limited periods. +Of course. Natural weather delivered to your door on demand. Down your phoneline. For limited periods. You don't say. How real does it feel? +You don't say. How real does it feel? As real as you wish. Hot or cold. Humid or dry. Anything you like. Within reason. +As real as you wish. Hot or cold. Humid or dry. Anything you like. Within reason. There are limits? +There are limits? The technology is brand new. Soon it will be more powerful. We anticipate a huge demand. Leave us your number. We'll be in touch. +The technology is brand new. Soon it will be more powerful. We anticipate a huge demand. Leave us your number. We'll be in touch. No need. I'll call again. +I want you to say the first thing that comes into your head when I say these words. Do you understand ... ? Blue ... ... bottle ... +... bottle ... Red ... +Red ... ... head ... +Knight ... Black... +Black... ... death ... +... death ... Love... +Love... ... death ... +Flower ... ... power ... +Nature ... ... preserve... +... preserve... Secret ... +Secret ... ... love... +... love... Hope... +Hope... ... love ... +... love ... Fear ... +Fear ... ... love ... +... love ... Peter ... +How long have I been here? Three days. +He said if it vanished, he'd know it was ... you who betrayed him. He took a huge risk. The ultimate test. So I'm still ... +Would that I could say the Same. Ah, but you haven't see the real me. Watch closely ... +I've come to apply for membership in Brolly -- You don't get rain like you used to in England. A good shower that's the ticket. Stiffens resolve, puckers the spirit, quells the namby-pamby in a man. +I so agree. How did you acquire a taste for it? Out in India. So character-forming for the British. Not the heat. Good Lord, no. The rain, dash it. A good monsoon. Fifteen inches overnight. A whole week of lovely rain. I remember one summer in Jaipur ... +You Have we met? +Have we met? You mean you don't recall?? +Ah, beautiful. Just as he promised. Promised? Who promised? +Promised? Who promised? There, look! +Mrs. Peel ... Come quickly. Brolly's been betrayed! I'll tell you everything ... The weather's getting worse and worse ... they're after me ... coming for me ... come quickly! Sir August...? What now? +May I help you, madam ... Mr. John Steed, please. +Mr. John Steed, please. I'm afraid that's impossible. +I'm afraid that's impossible. Impossible? +You are female? As you see. +As you see. Then you can't come in. +Then you can't come in. I have an appointment. +I have an appointment. No women. Not in Boodles. Not since 1922. +No women. Not in Boodles. Not since 1922. Really -- what happened in 1922? +Sir August ... ? Sir August ... ? Eh? In here! +Quite a collection. If nature gives a man a collector's mind, it doesn't matter what he collects. Butterflies. Old China. Penny farthings. A true collector grows more obsessive as the years pass. +Your voice -- it's so familiar ... We have met ... +Congratulations, Mrs. Peel. You have been a worthy opponent. You have tracked us down. You are within an ace of winning. This isn't a game. +This isn't a game. Quite right, but we still make the rules. +Quite right, but we still make the rules. Rules are made to be broken. +Rules are made to be broken. People, too. +People, too. Then who wins? +Then who wins? You and I. Together. But first you must confront your greatest enemy. Who could that be, Mrs. Peel? The answer is obvious ... +Close. We're so hush-hush, even we know nothing about it. Now let's see, there's coconut cake, date and walnut; I recommend the rum baba ... Hmmm ... +Hmmm ... Looks like rain, Steed... +My number two. Special assignments. She's -- Let me guess -- 'Father'? +How curious ... Something strange is happening. And whoever knows about it doesn't want us to find out. +Father will be your controller. Steed here will show you the ropes. Ropes? +Welcome to mobile H.Q. Weather's turning quite nasty. Sir August was blown to smithereens. Along with half of Banffshire. The Ministry's worried. He tried to warn us ... +Would it be possible to use it for military purposes? Directed by laser. Bounced by satellite. Quite possible. +London. The World Council of Ministers meets soon on global defence. If you can control the weather, you control the world. After the cold war ... +I resign. You need treatment, Mrs. Peel. You can't resign. +You need treatment, Mrs. Peel. You can't resign. Watch me. +What are you trying to do to me? We want to help...! +We want to help...! I thought I was a widow. My husband ... the only man I ever loved ... is dead. For the rest of my life I have to live with that. +I thought I was a widow. My husband ... the only man I ever loved ... is dead. For the rest of my life I have to live with that. The death of Peter Peel was a great loss. To us all ... +The death of Peter Peel was a great loss. To us all ... To you ... ? +Peter Peel was a first class agent. A senior operative. 'X' department Special operations. He was engaged in top secret research. Top priority. Government approved. The Institute ... the funding ... +The Institute ... the funding ... A cover ... for us. I'm sorry... +Who? Quite frankly ... it could have been you. +This is an official matter, Mrs. Peel. No need to take it personally. Where are you going? To find out who killed my husband. +To find out who killed my husband. The doors and walls are monitored, Mrs. Peel. This is a very secure establishment. +The doors and walls are monitored, Mrs. Peel. This is a very secure establishment. So am I. +About your next assignment, Mrs. Peel ... Next assignment? +Ahem. As I was saying, perhaps another macaroon ... Thank you, Steed. +Good luck ... Peter ... Emma. Thanks, Valentine ... +You. Darling Emma -- yes, we: the true genius behind the Prospero Project ... +A slight miscalculation -- my face was burned beyond recognition. Fortunately my research into plastics came in handy ... Dr. Darling, Peter ... all you ... +Dr. Darling, Peter ... all you ... An unholy trinity ... +An unholy trinity ... You killed my husband. +You killed my husband. For starters. Of course I had to kill the Teddy Bears, as well ... +For starters. Of course I had to kill the Teddy Bears, as well ... Too many cooks -- +Too many cooks -- Spoil the majority shareholders. In Wonderland Weather. I planned everything, even the Ministry recruiting you ... +Spoil the majority shareholders. In Wonderland Weather. I planned everything, even the Ministry recruiting you ... But I found you. All the clues led me here ... +But I found you. All the clues led me here ... Of course. I planned that, too. +Of course. I planned that, too. But -- why? +But -- why? You disappoint me, Emma. Can't you guess? For you. It was all for you ... +You disappoint me, Emma. Can't you guess? For you. It was all for you ... 'Our revels now are ended.' +'Our revels now are ended.' Oh, no, Emma. They've only just begun ... +Think of this as your second wedding feast ... I'm already married ... +I'm already married ... Come, come, you're a widow -- a most attractive widow. Now I think of it, we'll need a bridesmaid. Here. +You know, I believe she's actually jealous. Valentine, listen to me ... +Valentine, listen to me ... Right, bridesmaid. Now what have I left out? Oh, yes, I know: the ring. +Right, bridesmaid. Now what have I left out? Oh, yes, I know: the ring. Ring? +That's better. I say, isn't this where you came in? It's impenetrable, by the way ... You're mad. +You're mad. Entirely. On the other hand Mad people get things done. Let me show you -- +Such as? Destruction of their local weather systems. I can zap a thousand Chernobyls into the air. +Destruction of their local weather systems. I can zap a thousand Chernobyls into the air. The result would be ... +The result would be ... Chaos. Transport paralysis. Crop failure. Economic disaster. Frostbite or sunburn ... on a massive scale. You've seen a few samples... +Chaos. Transport paralysis. Crop failure. Economic disaster. Frostbite or sunburn ... on a massive scale. You've seen a few samples... Then what's stopping you? +Then what's stopping you? One very small thing. A diamond 'cyclone' chip. A thousand times more information on a fraction of the size. If I possess that, my powers would be unlimited. My dear half-brother was developing it. But he suspected sabotage. He gave the chip to ... you, 'Mrs.' Peel. I want you. But also your ring. +The missing piece of the jigsaw. I tried to get you to give it to me as Peter; I tried to steal it from you as Dr. Darling. As myself I'll be a bit less subtle. With this ring my plan will be complete. How Wagnerian ... Do you mean to say you've waited all these years because you couldn't create a chip on your own? That would have amused Peter. +How Wagnerian ... Do you mean to say you've waited all these years because you couldn't create a chip on your own? That would have amused Peter. Speaking of Peter, there's more good news: You won't even have to change your last name. You'll always be Mrs. Peel. +Speaking of Peter, there's more good news: You won't even have to change your last name. You'll always be Mrs. Peel. What are my choices? +What are my choices? Choices? +Choices? I'll never marry you. +Doctor Peel, I presume? And you must be Steed. Please don't get up. +I was about to throw in the towel. I had a spot of bother at the door. +I had a spot of bother at the door. I shouldn't wonder. Not a woman inside Boodles since -- +I shouldn't wonder. Not a woman inside Boodles since -- 1922. Why the kippers? +1922. Why the kippers? Red herring would have been too obvious, don't you think? +Red herring would have been too obvious, don't you think? So what was all this -- some sort of test? +So what was all this -- some sort of test? Congratulations, you've penetrated a bastion of male privilege. I guessed you weren't a stickler for Tradition, doctor. +Congratulations, you've penetrated a bastion of male privilege. I guessed you weren't a stickler for Tradition, doctor. Whereas you are. +Whereas you are. Dyed in the wool. But I can admire someone who doesn't play by the rules. +Dyed in the wool. But I can admire someone who doesn't play by the rules. Rules are made to be broken. +Rules are made to be broken. Not by me. Play by the rules, Doctor, or the game is nothing. +Not by me. Play by the rules, Doctor, or the game is nothing. And just what is the game? +And just what is the game? I say, this is all terribly formal. Must I go an calling you Dr. Peel? +I say, this is all terribly formal. Must I go an calling you Dr. Peel? Under the circumstances, you may call me Mrs. Peel. +Under the circumstances, you may call me Mrs. Peel. Much better. +Much better. And now that we've settled the matter of honorifics, will you kindly explain why you wished me to meet you? +And now that we've settled the matter of honorifics, will you kindly explain why you wished me to meet you? I didn't. Mother did. +I didn't. Mother did. Mother? +... Showers followed by sunny periods. We're not here to talk about the weather, surely. +Ah ... From Trubshaw's. My shoemaker. A kipper. Or a red herring? What were they investigating? +My father always wanted a boy. Really? I fail to see the connection. +Really? I fail to see the connection. I had a feeling you would. Touche! +Do you? Yes indeed. I need protection. +I thought we were on our way. Oh, absolutely, but Trubshaw's a man worth meeting. No point setting out half shod. +Oh, absolutely, but Trubshaw's a man worth meeting. No point setting out half shod. Or half cocked. +Steed, we really must be -- Ahh. Perfect fit. The luxury of a hand-made shoe. As unique as a face or a fingerprint. Or should I say DNA? +You can but I wish you wouldn't ... Thank you, Trubshaw ... +That place is so absurd, so out of date ... Do you really think so? +You know what I mean. This car -- and you. Nobody walks around like that. Milk? Not all Tradition is bad, Mrs. Peel. No thank you. +But why? What's the point? A Gentleman has to have a code. This is part of mine. A uniform. Think of it as my suit of shining armor. +A Gentleman has to have a code. This is part of mine. A uniform. Think of it as my suit of shining armor. And I suppose you're the knight. +And I suppose you're the knight. The most unpredictable piece on the board. And always ready to protect his queen. +The most unpredictable piece on the board. And always ready to protect his queen. That's predictable. When I find a queen in need of protection I'll let you know. +Sir August Merryweather ... why are we seeing him first? As per mother's instructions. +As per mother's instructions. Do we always follow Mother's instructions? +Do we always follow Mother's instructions? For a man in my position -- +For a man in my position -- Just what is your position, if you don't mind my asking. How did a stuffed shirt like you get into this line of work? +Just what is your position, if you don't mind my asking. How did a stuffed shirt like you get into this line of work? They call me in when they've reached a dead end. Freelance. Like yourself. +They call me in when they've reached a dead end. Freelance. Like yourself. I have no choice. Why should you risk your life? +I have no choice. Why should you risk your life? After our fencing match, I was rather hoping you would do the risking. More tea? +After our fencing match, I was rather hoping you would do the risking. More tea? No thanks. +No thanks. I meant me. +According to Mother, Sir August owns half of the Highlands. A millionaire. Former head of Special Projects at the Ministry. Now ... An eccentric recluse? +Not so much eccentric. More barking mad. He has a wife called June. And a daughter somewhere -- Julie. June, July ... August? +June, July ... August? The family does seem to be somewhat meteorologically inclined. +The family does seem to be somewhat meteorologically inclined. Any other vices? +Any other vices? All of a piece, really. A fanatical weatherman. Chairman of BROLLY. British Royal Organisation For Lasting Liquid Years. Thinks British weather has been tampered with by ... aliens. +So ... I distract him while you snoop around? How? Small talk. Try the weather. +Ah, Brenda ... Mrs. Peel? You should be dead. How do you feel? +You should be dead. How do you feel? Strange. +Strange. You were very lucky. Four shots to the heart. I found you after I slipped away from Sir August. Mother brought you here. Not me you should thank. +You were very lucky. Four shots to the heart. I found you after I slipped away from Sir August. Mother brought you here. Not me you should thank. I wasn't about to. +I wasn't about to. I mean your man Trubshaw. Your bullet-proof waistcoat. I thought you were just overdressed. +I mean your man Trubshaw. Your bullet-proof waistcoat. I thought you were just overdressed. I might say the same. +Mother and Dr. Darling have me under observation. They think I tried to kill you. Why should they think that? +Why should they think that? You told them. You said I arrived on a camel, shot you four times. Left you for dead. +You told them. You said I arrived on a camel, shot you four times. Left you for dead. Frankly that's how I remember it. +Frankly that's how I remember it. But that's absurd. I may not be over-fond of you, Steed, but it's not my style. +But that's absurd. I may not be over-fond of you, Steed, but it's not my style. Perhaps your memory plays tricks, Mrs. Peel. +Perhaps your memory plays tricks, Mrs. Peel. That's possible. Sir August was convinced he'd met me before. But I'd never met him. Another odd thing. When it rained, he said it was just as someone had promised. +That's possible. Sir August was convinced he'd met me before. But I'd never met him. Another odd thing. When it rained, he said it was just as someone had promised. Did he say who? +Did he say who? No. But he must know. Incidentally, my double left you with this. +An invitation. To a 'formal picnic'...? Did you say formal? I must dress. +I must say, you look more your old self -- You mean my other self ... +You mean my other self ... Either way ... may I ask: why you dress in that fashion? +Either way ... may I ask: why you dress in that fashion? I should have thought that was obvious ... I'm in mourning. +Colonel Crabtree. International Satellite Systems. Formerly of the Ministry. How on earth can you tell? +Elementary, Mrs. Peel. Trubshaw isn't the only shoemaker still practicing his trade ... Very good, Steed ... +What on earth? Any ideas? +Any ideas? Well, he was a fellow of the Royal Zoological Society ... +Well, he was a fellow of the Royal Zoological Society ... Is that written in his shoe? +Is that written in his shoe? Common knowledge, Mrs. Peel ... +Common knowledge, Mrs. Peel ... She had this in her mouth. There, there... +For you, Mrs. Peel. Thanks ... I see what you mean about letting me do the risking ... Hello? +But Don't bother. Here's a bus ... +Not quite. This is my field. Is there anything that isn't? +Is there anything that isn't? The Prospero Project was started by my husband. It was an early attempt to solve the problems of global warming. In theory, climate engineering is entirely feasible. We thought of injecting a chemical cocktail into the atmosphere by laser and satellite. A 'quick fix'... +The Prospero Project was started by my husband. It was an early attempt to solve the problems of global warming. In theory, climate engineering is entirely feasible. We thought of injecting a chemical cocktail into the atmosphere by laser and satellite. A 'quick fix'... Filling in mother nature's blind spots ... ? +Filling in mother nature's blind spots ... ? Exactly. There'd been earlier attempts to pump carbon dioxide into deep sea. Propane gas mostly. In small quantities it captures chlorine. Protects the ozone layer. But it proved impractical. Too bulky ... +Exactly. There'd been earlier attempts to pump carbon dioxide into deep sea. Propane gas mostly. In small quantities it captures chlorine. Protects the ozone layer. But it proved impractical. Too bulky ... But if someone miniaturized the process... +But if someone miniaturized the process... That's what we were working on. +That's what we were working on. Sounds as if someone's hijacked your research. +Three agents killed by bad weather... ... And by you, Mrs. Peel ... +... And by you, Mrs. Peel ... Then a mad millionaire. Head of a secret defense establishment. A group of eccentrics obsessed by weather ... +Then a mad millionaire. Head of a secret defense establishment. A group of eccentrics obsessed by weather ... ... And by you, Mrs. Peel. Everything points to you. No sisters? No undiscovered twin? +... And by you, Mrs. Peel. Everything points to you. No sisters? No undiscovered twin? Not that I know of. Explanation? +Not that I know of. Explanation? According to Dr. Darling, you're a psychopathic personality with schizophrenic delusions, suffering from recurring amnesia based on traumatic repression, leading to outbursts of anti-social and violent behavior. Q.E.D. +Is that what you think? Oh, well ... Just my type, Mrs. Peel. +Do you always drive this fast? Have I trespassed on a male prerogative? We're being followed. I saw him at Trubshaw's ... +What, Lady Disdain? Are you yet breathing? Barely. +Barely. You will let me know if you find that queen who's in need of protection, won't you? +This must be the last straw. Here's the one that broke the camel's back. +Here's the one that broke the camel's back. Someone didn't want us to get to the party. +Someone didn't want us to get to the party. I expect we'll have to gatecrash. +Steed ... ! Mrs. Peel ... ? +Where am I? The Winslow Home for Retired Lepidoptorists. I'm so sorry I struck you, Mrs. Peel. Please forgive me. I thought you were someone else ... +The Winslow Home for Retired Lepidoptorists. I'm so sorry I struck you, Mrs. Peel. Please forgive me. I thought you were someone else ... Was I? +Was I? I expect that's for you to know and me to find out ... +I expect that's for you to know and me to find out ... It was Peter -- I saw him ... +You followed me. Orders. +Orders. To kill me? +To kill me? Nothing personal. +I could save you the trouble. No trouble. +No trouble. Because you always obey orders ... +Because you always obey orders ... Always. Except ... +Yes ... ? ... when I don't. It comes down to one thing, Mrs. Peel. Trust. +And do you trust me? I could be convinced, if ... I knew who poisoned me in the maze. That kiss ... +I could be convinced, if ... I knew who poisoned me in the maze. That kiss ... It wasn't me; you have my word. +Mmm ... what are you doing? Keeping a stiff upper lip? +Keeping a stiff upper lip? Is that all? +But you did suspect me. Not for a moment. +Not for a moment. You're playing games. +You're playing games. Aren't we all, Mrs. Peel? +Aren't we all, Mrs. Peel? I thought you played by the rules. +I thought you played by the rules. I thought you didn't. +I thought you didn't. I'm playing to win. +I'm playing to win. Winning isn't everything. +Winning isn't everything. Please don't tell me it's how you play the game. +Please don't tell me it's how you play the game. After you -- Mrs. Peel ... +No, after you. You don't trust me? +You don't trust me? As far as you trust me. +I told Mother I took care of you. You lied. +You lied. I equivocated. But you're not their big worry at present. It's Dr. Darling: he's disappeared ... +Drat. Someone wants to implicate you in this affair, Mrs. Peel. Any idea who? No idea who. No idea why ... +No idea who. No idea why ... Teddy bears, cuckoo clocks, toys All children's things ... +Teddy bears, cuckoo clocks, toys All children's things ... ... Or grown-ups, who still like to be children. +... Or grown-ups, who still like to be children. Quite. Any childhood friends? Enemies? +Quite. Any childhood friends? Enemies? Not to speak of. Peter and I were both loners. There was nobody. +Very well. I have a friend who might be of assistance. He's at the Ministry. We'd better be careful. I'm a wanted woman, I know ... +His name's Jones. 'Invisible' Jones. Why's he called 'Invisible'? +Why's he called 'Invisible'? You'll find out. +Aren't you coming? I'll catch you up. Don't worry; he's expecting you. +We must hurry, Mrs. Peel ... Hurry? What for? I'm just now -- +Hurry? What for? I'm just now -- You didn't tell her? +There's a reception this evening. Colonel Jones thinks it advisable we attend. Have we been invited? +What's that you're wearing? It's called Black Leather. +It's called Black Leather. Intoxicating. Here, have one of these. +What is it? Limpet bomb. Small, very compact. From Trubshaw's. +Limpet bomb. Small, very compact. From Trubshaw's. When all this is over, we simply must get you out of that suit. +When all this is over, we simply must get you out of that suit. You first. +You first. Shall we? +Trubshaw again? What now? Snuff. I must insist you try some. +They're playing your song, Mrs. Peel. 'The Merry Widow?' I might have known. Where's the reception? +Bad news. Father's looking for you. Where are those bloody ministers? Have a look at this. +I'll be back ... Where are you going? +Where are you going? Laying in supplies, Mrs. Peel weather may get very nasty and I've no umbrella ... +Laying in supplies, Mrs. Peel weather may get very nasty and I've no umbrella ... You needn't bother. I can't drag you further into this. After all, I am still the chief suspect. +You needn't bother. I can't drag you further into this. After all, I am still the chief suspect. No bother. Mother and Father think I've joined you. I might as well. +No bother. Mother and Father think I've joined you. I might as well. But -- +But -- Oh, and by the way, I think it's about time you got rid of that chip on your shoulder. +Oh, and by the way, I think it's about time you got rid of that chip on your shoulder. If you'd been through what I have, you wouldn't -- +Mrs. Peel? What kept you? +What kept you? The plot. Hello, we must be going ... +'The owl and the pussycat went to sea -' '... in a beautiful pea green boat...' +'... in a beautiful pea green boat...' A fine night, Mrs. Peel ... +A fine night, Mrs. Peel ... Still a bit chilly ... +Still a bit chilly ... English weather. You know, after all we've been through, I should say we deserve a long holiday ... +English weather. You know, after all we've been through, I should say we deserve a long holiday ... Have you any place in mind? +Have you any place in mind? As a matter of fact I have ... +I don't recall Siberia being this warm, Steed. It's the latest thing, Mrs. Peel. +It's the latest thing, Mrs. Peel. Our little paradise -- just made for two? +Our little paradise -- just made for two? Not quite. +Our chaperon. Pity your mother came, too ... +Ah ... sun tan lotion. Any shops nearby? Must be. Trubshaw's busy. I'll send Mother ... +Your mission is simple. Find out how and why these agents died. I'm no spy -- where do I fit in? +Think of it as special assignment, Mrs. Peel. With a twist. You're our chief suspect. You're saying I have no choice. +Where's Mother? Mobile HQ. In a blue funk. Can't take chances. I'm looking after things while he's hiding out ... +You don't believe him? It's Mother you have to convince. He's very agitated. Wait here. +Emma in Wonderland. Welcome, Mrs. Peel. We've been expecting you. We hope you'll enjoy your stay with us. Decontamination is almost complete. Decontamination -- ? +Decontamination -- ? And you've a new wardrobe. He does want you to look attractive. He tells me you're very beautiful. +Talk to the pipe, Mrs. Peel. That usually helps. Don't worry about me being invisible. Other than that I'm perfectly normal. I see. +I see. Or rather, you don't. Learnt the tricks in camouflage. Till this accident made a prang of things. How can I help you, Mrs. Peel? +Ah, here we are. Steed asked me to play a hunch: Valentine Peel. Peter's brother? But -- +Peter's brother? But -- Half-brother to be precise. +Now let's see ... Eton, Cambridge ... research into robotics and plastics. Overtaken by Peter's work on the physics of climate change ... I know all this. +I know all this. Do you also know that during your final experiment, your halfbrother- in-law was under surveillance? +Do you also know that during your final experiment, your halfbrother- in-law was under surveillance? Surveillance? By whom? +Surveillance? By whom? Father. She gave him an 'all clear' after a security test by Dr. Darling. +Father. She gave him an 'all clear' after a security test by Dr. Darling. Who's now vanished. +Who's now vanished. Makes two of us. +Makes two of us. Are you suggesting that Dr. Darling and Valentine were somehow in this together? But that's absurd. +I was getting to it. Getting to what? +Getting to what? The World Council of Ministers meets tomorrow to convene the new global defense initiative -- +The World Council of Ministers meets tomorrow to convene the new global defense initiative -- I fail to see -- +Under the circumstances Mother didn't see fit, but I think I can get you in ... Well, I can't possibly go like this. +'X' marks the spot. The shoes were delivered to ... an island in Hyde Park. Surrounded by the Serpentine. On the site of a former Ministry installation... ... and now? +Privately owned by ... Let me guess: Wonderland Weather. +Let me guess: Wonderland Weather. Very good, Mrs. Peel ... +Very good, Mrs. Peel ... I shall need a small plane. +I shall need a small plane. You're not venturing alone, surely. +You're not venturing alone, surely. I'm going to find out who killed my husband. Will you take these documents to Steed? +A series of bizarre shifts in local weather patterns ... Global warming? +Global warming? Jungle plants in the Arctic? A lush English village transformed overnight into African scrubland? Blizzards in summer? +We know one thing. That suspect was not Mrs. Peel. So you say ... +Oh, hello ... We want Mrs. Peel. +We want Mrs. Peel. Dead, I'm afraid. +Steed How did you guess? +How did you guess? You reek of Mrs. Peel's Black Leather ... +You reek of Mrs. Peel's Black Leather ... It was you who gave Valentine Peel his security clearance ... you're the mole who betrayed the Ministry. +Mother betrayed me. She was going to replace me with a younger Father. Errand boy that's all I was. 'Find Steed...' Well, you found me. Have a sniff of this, why don't you? Careful, the scent can be overpowering ... +Mother. I thought you were burglars. Brenda and I thought we'd drop in. +Weather's turning nasty. You didn't come to talk about the weather, surely. +You didn't come to talk about the weather, surely. Oh yes I did. I want you to meet somebody. I expect you'll like her. +Your research into climate engineering was state-of-the-art. Your experiments could have revolutionized our knowledge of global warming -- had they succeeded. We need your expertise. Perhaps I'd better start calling you doctor again, Mrs. Peel -- +Think she really killed those agents? She may not know. Theory goes she may be very ill. +She may not know. Theory goes she may be very ill. Amnesia? +Amnesia? Possibly. Split personality ... +Possibly. Split personality ... Insane ... ? +Insane ... ? Who knows? If Dr. Darling is right, you should watch out. +Who knows? If Dr. Darling is right, you should watch out. Why? +Why? She may try to kill you. +Something went wrong. System malfunction. Explosion. Mrs. Peel had a narrow escape. Suspected sabotage. Nothing proven. File still open. How come you took so much interest in her, Dr. Darling? +Still doesn't. Better safe than sorry. She was in a dangerous game, Steed. High stakes. She may prove to be a risk. If she is, there's only one solution. Termination. Anyone particular in mind? +Anyone particular in mind? You. +We had a lead to Wonderland Weather but we got there too late. Someone tipped them off ... Too late anyway. Today's escapade was only for starters. This is no ordinary weather. It's manmade. A kind of weather bomb. +Too late anyway. Today's escapade was only for starters. This is no ordinary weather. It's manmade. A kind of weather bomb. Impossible. +This man -- did you see him? No. Her husband, she says. Alice tried to warn us. A trap. Tell Mother beware. Tell Father That's all. +You're accusing Mrs. Peel of killing her own husband? Her husband suspected someone very close to the operation. On the day he died, he was setting a test. To prove to himself -- to us that his wife was beyond suspicion. He had to be certain. He said he was going to give Mrs. Peel something ... +Pity. I was growing fond of Mrs. Peel. Unfortunately -- Guilty until proven innocent? +Guilty until proven innocent? Mother and Father know best. +I was hoping you could tell me. You're getting yourself into terrible trouble, my son. Weather's turning very nasty -- and so am I. +You're getting yourself into terrible trouble, my son. Weather's turning very nasty -- and so am I. I'm going to follow up on a hunch of my own. If I'm right, Mrs. Peel is innocent and you have a mole. +I'm going to follow up on a hunch of my own. If I'm right, Mrs. Peel is innocent and you have a mole. Where? +Where? In your operation. +In your operation. I'm warning you for the last time, Steed: whoever's behind all this, looks like Mrs. Peel, walks like Mrs. Peel and kills like Mrs. Peel. +Are you alright, young man? I think so, thank you so much ... +Cocky little bastard. I hope he was a baddy. I feel sure of it. +I feel sure of it. I'm Alice. Mother said you'd be on your way. Mrs. Peel with you? +I'm Alice. Mother said you'd be on your way. Mrs. Peel with you? She was ... +You with Mother or Father? Both, actually. +Both, actually. Good. Glad to see they're together at last. They don't get along. Promotion. Top job. Most unfair. Quite a fuss at the Ministry. +Good. Glad to see they're together at last. They don't get along. Promotion. Top job. Most unfair. Quite a fuss at the Ministry. You don't say. Like looking for a needle in a ... +Wonderland Weather Ltd. This way ... +Mrs. Peel -- ? Ask not for whom the telephone rings ... +Ask not for whom the telephone rings ... No, please! I beg you ... +No, please! I beg you ... Walk over to the window ... +Walk over to the window ... Let it be rain, please let it be -- +Let it be rain, please let it be -- Stay by the window. By the window. +John Steed. Valentine Peel. I see you've gone back to using your original face. +Valentine Peel. I see you've gone back to using your original face. The last one you'll ever see. +The last one you'll ever see. Perish the thought. +You're better than I expected. I was at Harrow ... +I was at Harrow ... But did they teach you this? +Bang-bang ... you're dead. You wish. +One shot -- for emergencies. That's not playing by the rules. +That's not playing by the rules. Rules are made to be broken. +Rules are made to be broken. If you say so. +If you say so. I do. +You said ... one shot. Did I? My mistake. +Aren't you forgetting about something? You are, and it's behind you. +You are, and it's behind you. Come, come. You don't really expect me to fall for -- +I think she really likes you ... Where's Mrs. Peel? Ugh ... +What's happening? Debbie's marrying Rick. +Debbie's marrying Rick. ...Really? +Does Cole know about this? Really -- you went with him for two years. +I'm totally blown away. You're getting married. It seems like only yesterday I showed you how to have oral sex. Deb, I want to throw you a shower. +Look at that guy. What a hunk. Check out the other guy's buns. +Debbie... I don't believe it. I'm so excited. Bobbie, what are you talking about? +Bobbie, what are you talking about? O'Neill just tole me. It's sooo great... I don't believe it. +He still thinks I'm going with him. I'm going to break the news to him tomorrow. He's not gonna be happy. And your parents can't be too thrilled either. +He's not gonna be happy. And your parents can't be too thrilled either. No. As far as they're concerned the only good Rick is a dead Rick. But I don't care... it's my decision. +What do you think's gonna go on at the guys' party? They'll probably get drunk, and watch dirty movies. But don't worry about the dirty movies. +They'll probably get drunk, and watch dirty movies. But don't worry about the dirty movies. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I forgot to tell you. Yesterday I found a bunch of pornos in the back seat of O'Neill's car. +I forgot to tell you. Yesterday I found a bunch of pornos in the back seat of O'Neill's car. You're kidding. +You're kidding. Nah. Everything's cool... I took care of 'em. +That's what we're going to find out... I feel like I'm spying on Rick. +Deb, we're pretending to be hookers. Right in here. The big show starts in one minute. +I'm glad you guys came by... What's the occasion? Rick's got an important announcement to make. +Rick's got an important announcement to make. Yeah. What is it? +What? You're kidding. +Yeah, man. Let's throw a bachelor party with drugs, booze and broads. Yeah. Right. All the things that make life worth living. +Where's the women, man? We gotta have women. Chulo, one thing at a time. +Chulo, one thing at a time. Sex is my one thing. I'm good at it. +I don't get it, but at least Gary's got the real stuff coming up here in a few minutes. Women! +Hey, you guys, what's going on? We're going for a little liquid refreshment. +We're going for a little liquid refreshment. Great. I'll go with you. Wait a second. Hey, Raul! Move that car, will you? +I've decided not to run for President. Too bad, man, that blows my chance to be Ambassador to France. +Man, you're losing your audience. Okay... This is it... I'm getting married. +Yes, gentlemen. Saturday after next, I lose my amateur standing and turn pro. Hey, man, congratulations! +You sure Gary's got this whole party deal together? Yeah, man, he's got us a great room at the hotel and lots of chicks. +Yeah, man, he's got us a great room at the hotel and lots of chicks. I hope so. Hundred bucks apiece is a lot of dinero. +I hope so. Hundred bucks apiece is a lot of dinero. What time are we supposed to get to the hotel? +All right! When do the girls get to the party? +Denmark makes great Nautilus equipment. I'd like to jerk and press those babies. +And... Bond... James Bond. +Cole. Don't you know it's bad luck to see the groom before the wedding? I want Debbie. +I want Debbie. Cole... +Cole... You dump her and I'll give you cash. +You dump her and I'll give you cash. What's Debbie's blue book value right now? +What's Debbie's blue book value right now? Five thousand dollars. +Five thousand dollars. No. +Seventy-five hundred. Not interested. +Not interested. Okay, ten thousand plus a G.E. toaster oven, a Litton microwave, a Cuisinart... +Okay, ten thousand plus a G.E. toaster oven, a Litton microwave, a Cuisinart... I'm marrying Debbie. +I'm marrying Debbie. Michelin tires... brand new. A set of Sears Best metric tools... +Michelin tires... brand new. A set of Sears Best metric tools... What is this person's story here? +Thanks, Dad. Cole, go away. He's gonna hurt you, Debbie. He'll never be true to you the way I would. +He's gonna hurt you, Debbie. He'll never be true to you the way I would. Thank you. We'll all keep that in mind. 'Bye now. +Rick, I want to talk to you. Ah, Cole. I don't remember ordering an asshole from room service. +I don't want any trouble. Oh, come on, just a little. +Oh, come on, just a little. I'm ready to make you another deal. +I'm ready to make you another deal. Ooh, be still, my heart. +Ooh, be still, my heart. See that down there? That's my most prized possession. My new Porsche. +Great car. The best. +The best. I love that car. +I love that car. I'm very happy for you two. +I'll trade you my Porsche for Debbie. An even swap. The car for Debbie? +The car for Debbie? I mean it. The car is yours. Dump Debbie. +I mean it. The car is yours. Dump Debbie. Gee, guys, what should I do? The car or Debbie? +Low mileage... Handles like a dream. So does Debbie. +Shit, shit, shit, shit. My car's gone! Maybe it had something to do. +Maybe it had something to do. Shit! +Rick... Debbie is mine. She'll always be. Cole, when was the last time you had a lobotomy? +Cole, when was the last time you had a lobotomy? You've had it. I'm gonna get you. +Cole, what the hell are you doing? She's mine! +"He and Debbie stand outside the theater, which is a multi-plex cinema. Fourteen movie theaters under one roof. Prominent is a sign which reads: ""24 HOUR 3D FESTIVAL!"" Cole drags Debbie into one of the theaters. The gang runs up to the theaters." Fan out and look for them. +Hello? Mr. Thomerson. +Mr. Thomerson. Yes, son, did you find out where the bachelor party is? +Yes, son, did you find out where the bachelor party is? Yes I did. +Yes I did. Fine. How's everything going? +Fine. How's everything going? Not so good. He wouldn't listen to reason. He stole my car... my Porsche... I can't find it anywhere... +Hi, everybody. Am I late? Not at all. We're just finishing lunch. +So, Cole, you been practicing your game? Sure have... +Nice shot. Thank you, sir. +Thank you, sir. I know you're as unhappy as I am about Debbie's marriage to Rick. +I know you're as unhappy as I am about Debbie's marriage to Rick. Yes, sir, I am. +Yes, sir, I am. Cole, I don't want you to give up on her. +Cole, I don't want you to give up on her. I've tried to change her mind. +I've tried to change her mind. It's not her mind you need to change. It's Disneyland head in there. +It's not her mind you need to change. It's Disneyland head in there. But how can I do that? +But how can I do that? If it were me, I'd reason with him first. Then, if that failed... ...I'd take more persuasive action. +Thanks for the advise, sir. Keep me informed. +So, he's playing hard ball. Well, two can play that game. Go after him. Stop at nothing. You hear me? What? I'm sorry, sir, I can't hear you. +Some fat slob in the next booth is making a lot of noise. Well, tell the asshole to shut up. +Well, tell the asshole to shut up. Right. Hey, shut up. Okay, sir. +Right. Hey, shut up. Okay, sir. Sorry, I can't hear you. Some pin head's yelling... Shut up, I'm talking here. Now look, I want you to go back and I don't care what you do. Stop that marriage. +Cole, my God, boy, what are you doing here? What happened? The bachelor party's upstairs. They made me get naked. They hung me from the window so high up it was so scary I fell down... +The bachelor party's upstairs. They made me get naked. They hung me from the window so high up it was so scary I fell down... Take hold of yourself. What room are they in? +Take hold of yourself. What room are they in? 1002. +1002. All right, I'll go up there and take care of this myself. You look awful, son. Go find yourself some clothes. +All right, I'll go up there and take care of this myself. You look awful, son. Go find yourself some clothes. Yes, sir. +Cole? Over here, Deb... in the Smokehouse. +Cole, we've got to talk. Finally realized Rick's a jerk, huh? +Finally realized Rick's a jerk, huh? No, Cole, I... +No, Cole, I... It's all right, I forgive you. I'm not the vengeful type. We'll forget what happened. Why don't we take a trip together? Maybe kill a few lions in Kenya over Christmas. +It's all right, I forgive you. I'm not the vengeful type. We'll forget what happened. Why don't we take a trip together? Maybe kill a few lions in Kenya over Christmas. Cole, listen to me... I've got to tell you... +Cole, listen to me... I've got to tell you... You know, when you dumped me for that wimp, I thought, Cole, she'll be back. God wants the two of you to be together, and sure enough... +You know, when you dumped me for that wimp, I thought, Cole, she'll be back. God wants the two of you to be together, and sure enough... Cole, I'm marrying Rick. +Cole, I'm marrying Rick. You're marrying him? Then why are you coming back to me? +You're marrying him? Then why are you coming back to me? I'm not. I just thought I should tell you myself before you heard it somewhere else. +You know how that makes me feel, Deb? Wanta know how that makes me feel? Angry, Deb. Yesss, that's the word, angry. But if he makes you happy, you go right ahead. I want you to be happy, Deb. No matter what, no matter how angry it makes me, no matter how much it hurts. Be happy, Deb. Be oh, so very, very happy. Cole, I'm sorry, I... +Cole, I'm sorry, I... That's all right, Deb. Go be happy and smile a lot, Deb. Do it for me. +That's all right, Deb. Go be happy and smile a lot, Deb. Do it for me. I'm going now, Cole. +I'm going now, Cole. I understand, Deb. 'Bye... be happy. +God, you're a slob. But a fabulous cook. +But a fabulous cook. What are we having? +What are we having? It's either meatloaf, Swiss steak or charred flesh. I won't know till it's finished. +It's either meatloaf, Swiss steak or charred flesh. I won't know till it's finished. I think your dinner's burning. +Don't worry... it's supposed to do this. Want to hear something great? Bobbie and Phoebe are throwing me a shower. It's really gonna be fun. +Want to hear something great? Bobbie and Phoebe are throwing me a shower. It's really gonna be fun. Not as much fun as the bachelor party the guys are throwing for me. +Not as much fun as the bachelor party the guys are throwing for me. You're going to have a bachelor party? +You're going to have a bachelor party? Of course. I'm a traditional guy... It's a traditional event. Well, what do you think? +Of course. I'm a traditional guy... It's a traditional event. Well, what do you think? It looks awful. +It looks awful. Yes, but looks are deceiving... Not in this case, however. +Yes, but looks are deceiving... Not in this case, however. Are you going to have women at your party? +Are you going to have women at your party? No, sweetheart, it's a stag party. Does stay home. +No, sweetheart, it's a stag party. Does stay home. I'm not talking about does. I'm talking about hookers. +I'm not talking about does. I'm talking about hookers. Oh, those. Why do you ask? +Oh, those. Why do you ask? Because from what I've heard, it's a tradition and you're a traditional guy. +Huh? Wha... I can't sleep. +I can't sleep. Oh... I got something for that. +Stop fooling around... I need to talk. What's the matter? +What's the matter? I don't know... I just feel scared. +I don't know... I just feel scared. About what? +About what? The wedding, my parents, your family, our friends, my job, the future, our relationship, the caterers, my gown, your tuxedo, our honeymoon, the apartment, my shower, your bachelor party... +The wedding, my parents, your family, our friends, my job, the future, our relationship, the caterers, my gown, your tuxedo, our honeymoon, the apartment, my shower, your bachelor party... I think the only think you've left out are our relations with the Soviet Union. Sweetheart, everything's gonna be all right. +I think the only think you've left out are our relations with the Soviet Union. Sweetheart, everything's gonna be all right. Before or After I have my nervous breakfown? +Before or After I have my nervous breakfown? C'mere. +That feels so great. Good... +Good... Um... that's very relaxing. +Um... that's very relaxing. Now, I want you to lie down and drift off to slumberland. +Well... twenty-four more hours to go and tonight we'll share with our friends and loved ones the joys of those last moments of singleness. You better not have too much joy. +You better not have too much joy. Wouldn't think of it. Because tomorrow... We're going to the chapel and we're... +Wouldn't think of it. Because tomorrow... We're going to the chapel and we're... Gonna get married... +This is it, lady. Last stop. Can't I just go with you guys? +Can't I just go with you guys? Sorry, we got men's business to do. It's no place for a lady. +Remember, you promised... no screwing around. Did I promise that? I don't remember that... +Did I promise that? I don't remember that... You're really pissing me off. +Okay, I promise... I swear on my mother's grave. Your mother's not dead. +Your mother's not dead. Well, if I go back on my word, I'll kill her. +Have a good time. Don't make it too late. Anything you say, ma'am. Have a fun shower. Use soap. +Anything you say, ma'am. Have a fun shower. Use soap. I love you. +Don't turn on the lights, sugar. I'll lead you around. How wonderful. A seeing eye hooker. +How wonderful. A seeing eye hooker. Why don't you get undressed. +I can't trust you! C'mon, I knew it was you. +C'mon, I knew it was you. Rick, you're lying! +Let go of me! Debbie, I'm telling you, I didn't do anything, hardly. +Debbie, I'm telling you, I didn't do anything, hardly. The marriage is off. Now you can screw around with your friends for the rest of your life. +The marriage is off. Now you can screw around with your friends for the rest of your life. I don't want that. I want to be with you. +I don't want that. I want to be with you. And I want to be with someone who understands the meaning of the word commitment. +And I want to be with someone who understands the meaning of the word commitment. I am committed. I love you. +I don't believe you. You don't believe me? Okay, fine. +See? And these are not just ordinary party-goers -- there are professionals in this crowd -- I didn't want any of them. You... You're what I want. Understand? Yes... +Yes... Great. Now, what do you want to do about it? +Great. Now, what do you want to do about it? Let's get naked. +Let's get naked. You're on. +Are you okay? Yeah. +Yeah. This has been quite a night. Here's a thought. Why don't we go home and give our private parts a workout? +This has been quite a night. Here's a thought. Why don't we go home and give our private parts a workout? You're so romantic... +If I were you, I'd worry less about the shower and more about Rick's bachelor party. Ilene, why would I want to do that? I trust Rick. +Ilene, why would I want to do that? I trust Rick. Of course you do. I trusted my ex, Mel, too. Cousin, I can only talk from experience. What do you think they do at these parties, have tea and play scrabble? +Of course you do. I trusted my ex, Mel, too. Cousin, I can only talk from experience. What do you think they do at these parties, have tea and play scrabble? Ilene, Rick promised... +Ilene, Rick promised... Debbie, don't be naive. Men are pigs. +Are you sure this is a good idea? Look, you heard what those hookers said. They were supposed to go to a bachelor party. +Look, you heard what those hookers said. They were supposed to go to a bachelor party. That doesn't mean it was Rick's party. +That doesn't mean it was Rick's party. Debbie, men are pigs -- if they can have women, we can have men. +Let's go. Look, girls -- I'll stay behind and hold them off. The rest of you break for it! +Look, girls -- I'll stay behind and hold them off. The rest of you break for it! Ilene, are you crazy? +Ilene, are you crazy? I know what I'm doing... Go! +I'm using the same caterer for the shower I had for our Christmas party last year. Great, Mom. +Why is Cole here? You know your father enjoys his company. +A strange wang right in my palm. Ilene, we don't really know that. +What kind of job? I'm a housewife. Quiet, Mother. +I hope Ilene's all right. I hope those guys are all right. +Ed, we're so glad you could come over at the last minute and judge our little beauty pageant. My pleasure, Al... Always happy to help out in a pinch... Excuse me. I better call my service... tell them where I am. +Congratulations on your daughter's wedding. Who's she marrying? A real turd. +A real turd. Well... hope she'll be very happy. +Great bathing suit. I think I screwed that one once. +Thanks for helping us out, Ed. We appreciate it. Any time, Al. +So we want your best girls, the cream of your crop. Let's see your bread. +Park View Hotel, Room 1002. They'll be up there in a half hour. +They'll be up there in a half hour. Okay. Nice to meet you both. +Jumbo, where the hell are the women? What are you talking about, asshole? +What are you talking about, asshole? Your whores never showed up. +Your whores never showed up. They left an hour ago, pink nuts. +They left an hour ago, pink nuts. Screw you! +That's it, prick lips. What are you... +What are you... I've had it, numb nuts... How much money you got? +I've had it, numb nuts... How much money you got? Why? +Why? Because I'm pissed off. Now give me your cash. +This is bad public relations. I was planning to do a lot of business with you. But now I'm going to have to go elsewhere. Hey. I'm sorry. You want girls. I'll give you girls. +Give him the works. That's more like it. +Screw you... Screw that... Don't jerk me around. You promised me 1500 seats for the Police Concert... 1500, not fifteen!... Screw that... Screw you -- Screw Sting. Hi, guys. Gary, you're quite an animal. +Gary, you're quite an animal. Screw you... +Let's go. Isn't he incredible, gets along with everybody. +Okay... We're all here. Rick, what's the big announcement? All right, gentlemen, I'm not gonna sugar-coat this thing. I've known you guys since grade school, so I'm gonna give it to you straight from the hip... right from the shoulder... without beating around the bush... Nothing fancy, just the plain, hard facts... tell it like it is. +Wait a minute. You been living with Debbie! Why do you want to get married? Because I love her. What can I tell you? +Sounds swell... I'm really touched. And my getting married's not gonna change a thing between me and my pals. We're still gonna go bowling on Tuesdays, play cards on Fridays and wear women's clothes on Sunday night. I love you guys... I always will. Let's have a toast. +Give the guy air. Everyone to a neutral corner. What's going on? +It's true. This place should have been wall to wall tits by now. +This place should have been wall to wall tits by now. Guy paints a beautiful picture. +Guy paints a beautiful picture. I'm going to see what the hell happened. +I'm going to see what the hell happened. Looks like the only one who got screwed here was you. +Looks like the only one who got screwed here was you. Screw that. +Hookers beat you up? Yes. +Yes. I didn't know you were into that. +Gary, how we doing, big stallion? Rick, I really think I'm in love. +Rick, I really think I'm in love. This is cause for celebration. She'll probably charge half price for sex from now on. +What can I be doing for you? You're a pimp? +You're a pimp? I'm telling you I am, Joe. +I'm telling you I am, Joe. I want women. +I want women. That I got. Very good women. They sit on your face, anything you want. +That I got. Very good women. They sit on your face, anything you want. I'll take some. +I'll take some. Big problem now. Soon they go to customers. +Big problem now. Soon they go to customers. I need them for a bachelor party at the Park View Hotel. +I need them for a bachelor party at the Park View Hotel. You are being in luck. Customers in same hotel. I let you have them at cut-rate price for 45 minutes. +You are being in luck. Customers in same hotel. I let you have them at cut-rate price for 45 minutes. Sold. 45 minutes. No problem. +Sold. 45 minutes. No problem. Not one minute longer or Milt will come for you. +Not one minute longer or Milt will come for you. Milt? +So, Larry, how have you been? Just in love with everybody. It's really a beautiful planet. I love you, Rick. I love you guys. I love everybody. +I hate her. I hate her guts, the bitch. Larry, you and your wife got problems? +Larry, you and your wife got problems? I don't want to talk about it. I love you guys. I love my friends. +Is that all the coke in the place? That's it. +That's it. Good. +You want to share it? Naw, two on a Quaalude... bad luck. +Naw, two on a Quaalude... bad luck. Right. +My marriage is the worst. All crap. A big pile of shit. Maybe your marriage should lay off grains for a while. +Maybe your marriage should lay off grains for a while. She hates me. It's over. You'll see, as soon as you get married, everything changes. You sure you want to go through with it, man? +She hates me. It's over. You'll see, as soon as you get married, everything changes. You sure you want to go through with it, man? What do you mean, it changes? +Guys, I think I'd rather stay here. C'mon, Larry. Be good for you. +C'mon, Larry. Be good for you. I just want to be alone. +I just want to be alone. "All right. Now, there's milk and cookies in the refrigerator. Go to bed right after ""Falcon Crest.""" +Lar... sometimes when people are mad they say things they don't mean. No, she hates me... I want to end everything here... now. +You okay? Yeah, I guess so. +Yeah, I guess so. Really? +Really? Yeah. I see you're right. C'mon, let's party. +What the hell are you doing? I'm trying to slash my wrists. +I'm trying to slash my wrists. You're trying to kill yourself with an electric razor? +You're trying to kill yourself with an electric razor? I couldn't find any razor blades. +I couldn't find any razor blades. Well, this is terrific. Now you're gonna have wrists that are smooth and kissable. Just go out there. Forget about everything and laugh it up. +Well, this is terrific. Now you're gonna have wrists that are smooth and kissable. Just go out there. Forget about everything and laugh it up. Ha, ha, ha. +Ha, ha, ha. No, have fun first. Then laugh. Now, forget about marriage for a while. Go party. +Hi, guys. We brought back a friend. It's Bullwinkle. +It's my fault. He's dead because... I left those drugs... It's really not all your fault. I was talking to Mike earlier and he had a lot of problems. Personal things, you know. Made some bad investments. At least now he's peaceful... +Are any of those right? This is the Park View Hotel. I'm the Hotel Manager. Are you looking for someone? +This is the Park View Hotel. I'm the Hotel Manager. Are you looking for someone? Yes, you. We're looking for our room... 1002. +It's on the tenth floor. What do you know, they moved it. Catch you later. +Keep your voices down. This is a respectable establishment. We don't go for any funny business here. Just then a GUY with a Moosehead Beer hat and TWO GUYS in a moose costume pass him and enter the elevator with the boys. I see what you mean... You're a beautiful guy. And you're doing a damn good job. +You're all under arrest. Open up! Your attention, please. May I be the first to say, It's a raid! +Oops! All right, who serves? +Rick, hit the ball easier, son. You don't have to kill it. Can't I just maim it a little? +Well, I have to admit my game's a little rusty, but I love polo. It's unrelenting, a constant challenge to the senses. Really a beautiful experience. Rick, I want to cut through the b.s. +Rick, I want to cut through the b.s. I'd love that. +I'd love that. Good. I think you're an asshole. No, let me correct that, an immature asshole. Which is fine, except you're marrying my daughter and I'm afraid my grandchildren are going to be little assholes. +Good. I think you're an asshole. No, let me correct that, an immature asshole. Which is fine, except you're marrying my daughter and I'm afraid my grandchildren are going to be little assholes. Mr. Thomerson, I... +Mr. Thomerson, I... Let me finish. Debbie's an adult. She can do what she wants. But if you want your marriage to last, you're going to have to change some things about yourself. If I may make some suggestions... +Let me finish. Debbie's an adult. She can do what she wants. But if you want your marriage to last, you're going to have to change some things about yourself. If I may make some suggestions... Feel free. +Feel free. First, you're a slob. You have to dress for success. Second, your outlook on life... +Welcome, welcome, one and all. Rick! +Rick! Oh, no! +The end. No sob story is going to change my mind. +Ebbie. Ger... umph... lable... Of course, sir. That explains it. Leather is a very good source of vitamin E. +Er... perhaps we ought to stop now. No. Let's at least finish the set. +Girls, why don't we go inside for lunch. Boys, would you mind bringing in that lemonade? In a second... And you're irresponsible. Show some initiative, try to better yourself, stop showing off, actions speak louder than words. +The thought of that person marrying my daughter makes me want to upchuck. You can tell a man by his friends. +Ed... you're kinky! The phone made me do it! +The phone made me do it! You've been having strange sex...! +You've been having strange sex...! No, Brett, I... +No, Brett, I... It's all right... So have I. +How are we doing? My name is O'Neill. And you are...? Klupner. Mrs. Klupner. +Klupner. Mrs. Klupner. Mrs.? +Mrs.? I'm separated. +I'm separated. Then there is a God. Why don't we take that baby picture. +I'm getting one heck of a glare off your dress there. Could you undo a few buttons? Of course. +Where'd she go? She probably had sex scheduled for 12:30. O'Neill, let's pick up the guys for a drink... I have major news to announce. +Where the hell is he? Knowing Larry, he probably missed the flight. +What's the matter? Nothing... Let's get crazy! +"We'll spend an hour with ""Nymphos Without Pants""..." Olivier's in that, right? +Olivier's in that, right? Then it's on to the real thing. +Excuse me, but this is as arousing as a stroll through the Vatican. This isn't right. +Don't you love it when old friends stop by? Hey, I'm starved... Let's go get something to eat. We'll bring back food for everybody. +Hey, I'm starved... Let's go get something to eat. We'll bring back food for everybody. I'm not really hungry. +I'm not really hungry. C'mon. I insist. +What the hell is that? My gift to you. +My gift to you. Under the table! +Under the table! The best table in the house. +I think you'll enjoy this table. So long, Father. +I don't get it. Why didn't you go for it just now? I don't know. Maybe it's because I love Debbie or maybe it's hard for me to get off in a place that smells like egg salad. I'm not sure. +Rick, I'm concerned. About what? +About what? This is your bachelor party. You haven't had sex with anyone yet. +This is your bachelor party. You haven't had sex with anyone yet. Get a few drinks into me, we'll dance and see what happens. +Get a few drinks into me, we'll dance and see what happens. I got something you can't resist. I have a friend, Tracey. She wants to meet you. She loves to please. +I got something you can't resist. I have a friend, Tracey. She wants to meet you. She loves to please. Oooooo. +Oooooo. Right in there, pal. +Right in there, pal. If I'm not out in a half hour, send for the paramedics. +If I'm not out in a half hour, send for the paramedics. That's the old Rick! +How'd it go? Put it to you this way -- you're gonna have to pry her out of the bed with a spatula, mister. +Put it to you this way -- you're gonna have to pry her out of the bed with a spatula, mister. I'm proud of you, lad. +Who was that? I don't know. +I don't know. What's this? +What's this? Got me. +How 'bout this? Still drawing a blank. +He look familiar? Very. +Very. C'mon. Get the hookers in a circle. We better put Cochise out of business. +Now, don't get into any trouble. Take care. +Hey, you guys... Who's your friend? +How about this, a Trojan donkey. And here's Mike's partner, in more ways than one. A gal who doesn't think happiness ends with primates. The very lovely, Miss Desiree... +What are you going to do about it? What can I do? I'm dead. Debbie's going to go crazy and end the whole thing. +What can I do? I'm dead. Debbie's going to go crazy and end the whole thing. I'll stop him... You stall him. +Reach out and snort someone. I'm saved. Let's party! +Guess who's here? Another surprise guest. Who? +Who? Debbie. +Debbie. My Debbie? +My Debbie? What's with her costume? +I don't know... Go up to her, make like you don't know her and send her into the other bedroom. You got it. +You always were sneaky, Stan, very sneaky. Rick, marriage will be good for you. It's done wonders for me. +Rick, marriage will be good for you. It's done wonders for me. True, you're a lot handsomer now. Don't you have enough blood already? +True, you're a lot handsomer now. Don't you have enough blood already? You won't miss a thing about being single... The wild parties, the different girls every night, running around like a maniac... God, I miss that. +You won't miss a thing about being single... The wild parties, the different girls every night, running around like a maniac... God, I miss that. Stan, you're depressing me... Hey, I didn't know you were going to fill 'er up. Just take a couple of gallons, okay? +That's an even trade... a cotton ball for all my blood. Okay, Rick, all finished. I can't wait for that bachelor party... I need the action. +Nah, that's okay. My brother has to look up old people's asses all day long. Let's give him a break. Right. Give me the will to live. Let me go first. +Thanks a lot, that was the best. You're next. Nah, not yet. Look, you're my older brother. I need some advice here. What's the deal with marriage? What can I expect? +Nah, not yet. Look, you're my older brother. I need some advice here. What's the deal with marriage? What can I expect? Well, the first month it's great. The second month things calm down a little. By the third month you're looking through your old girlfriends' phone numbers; by the fourth month you're numb; by the fifth month, hopefully the football season starts. +Well, the first month it's great. The second month things calm down a little. By the third month you're looking through your old girlfriends' phone numbers; by the fourth month you're numb; by the fifth month, hopefully the football season starts. Thanks, Stan, you've been a lot of help. +Oh... it's... er... the guys from the beer convention. We're bringing them to the party. Great. I was wondering, how do you guys go to the bathroom in that thing? +You're late again, Rick. I know, Sister, but I have a very good excuse. +I know, Sister, but I have a very good excuse. There can be no excuse for tardiness. +There can be no excuse for tardiness. You're absolutely right. I should never have stopped to save that drowning infant. I'm just weak, Sister; I'm so weak. +Sister, do you ever get lonely after vespers? If you do, why don't you give me a call. I'm in the book. Get going, Rick... you're late enough as it is. +Get going, Rick... you're late enough as it is. Right... Think it over. +How the hell are we supposed to get this donkey inside? I don't know. +I don't know. What? I thought you told me you had it all figured out. +What? I thought you told me you had it all figured out. Maybe I did... I don't remember. +Maybe I did... I don't remember. I'd love to get you in an operating room. Just once. +Can you believe how perfect it fits? Yeah. Who'd have thought they'd both be a size 138 regular. +Oh these moments do try me... Be gentle. +Wash it to the windows? No, we'll hit the son of a bitch head on. +No, we'll hit the son of a bitch head on. It's gonna flash, Stevie. We gotta get behind it. +It's gonna flash, Stevie. We gotta get behind it. Nah, listen to it. It's a pussy. It'll just steam on us. It won't flash. Go high in the ceiling. +That's Franny. She likes firemen. Tim, fill out the alarm card. Clean the pipe poles, wipe down the ladders and hang some hose. +Goddamn it, Stephen, lay off! You stupid dumbshit, you never know when to fucking quit, do you? You ever wonder why your career's in the fucking toilet? Why you're gonna be stuck a Lt. for life? No. I need a drink. +You know Knowlton pretty well? Yeah... +Yeah... Kind of an asshole, wasn't he? +Biggest in two battalions. We're gonna be okay, man... +Adcox, go with Pengelly and check the other side. It isn't safe, man. Don't go splittin' us up. Not with this one. +It isn't safe, man. Don't go splittin' us up. Not with this one. -- What the hell's the matter with you? You always check the other side. I haven't got time for bullshit right now, okay? We got a job here. +-- What the hell's the matter with you? You always check the other side. I haven't got time for bullshit right now, okay? We got a job here. Let me take the lead, Stephen... +Let me take the lead, Stephen... Goddamn it Adcox! Just do your fucking job! +Aw man, Stephen, listen to me... -- What the fuck were you thinking, huh? Burning people? You're a fireman. +-- What the fuck were you thinking, huh? Burning people? You're a fireman. They were killing firemen, man. When Sally showed me what was in Swayzak's files... They were my friends, I had to do it. I had to do it for the department. +-- Knock it off! -- You can't let him turn you against your friends, man -- +...What do you want me to do, Stephen? Talk to me. What am I supposed to do? There's a fire. We've got a job here. Let's get on with it. +You stupid son of a bitch! What the fuck are you doing! Stevie... I... +Hey, baby McCaffrey. First one's the clincher. You did okay. My Lt. might have something to say about that. +My Lt. might have something to say about that. Ah, everybody screws up some, Brian. You're working for the toughest Lt. on the job. Saw him once pick up a probie he thought was moving too slow and throw him into a burning building. It's just bad luck you're family. +Ah, everybody screws up some, Brian. You're working for the toughest Lt. on the job. Saw him once pick up a probie he thought was moving too slow and throw him into a burning building. It's just bad luck you're family. John, when you're in there... in the fire... do you ever see... +Is he... He's alive. +Did you do it for Tim? That was an accident! Jesus Christ, why did you have to go in there so fucking early? Why didn't you listen to me! +You gotta let me finish -- Just come down, John. Just -- +Just come down, John. Just -- -- Shut up! Your dad would fucking puke if he saw how you've shit on his department! +-- He killed people -- -- You know what Swayzak would do to the department if this got out? -- +-- You know what Swayzak would do to the department if this got out? -- -- Stephen, this is bullshit -- +-- Stephen, this is bullshit -- -- What he would do to your dad's department? You gotta let me finish it -- +It doesn't go like that. Who asked you? +Who asked you? If you do it like that it'll open in the fire. Then you'll get burned and DIE. +Well, look what we have here. Nice costume. Rent it? I want to thank you for coming to my graduation, Stephen. It was a great inspiration to me. +I want to thank you for coming to my graduation, Stephen. It was a great inspiration to me. So you're going to fight fires now, huh? +Doesn't work on you. See ya around, little brother. Not likely. +Not likely. Well, see you're wrong already. Had a talk with Chief Fitzgerald, and we decided in the interest of brotherly love, that maybe you shouldn't be way over on the other side of town. So starting tomorrow, your assigned to company 17. My company. One case of scotch, you're getting cheap in your old age, Brian... +I like what you've done with the place. It's comin' along... want a beer? +Been ripping off fire stations? It's old stuff Adcox gave me that the department was going to throw out anyway. Still good enough though for this tub. +My God, an actual operating 8-track. What, you've never seen one before? +What, you've never seen one before? In the Field Museum once. +In the Field Museum once. It works. +It works. It worked when you were in sixth grade. +People actually used to pay you for this? Millions, Stephen -- And sexual favors. +Millions, Stephen -- And sexual favors. Sheep don't count. +Sheep don't count. Yeah? What about Laura -- +Yeah? What about Laura -- That was never proved. +Why'd you come here, Brian? "I wanted to know why you messed with my station assignment. I mean, is this really gonna have to one of those big brother -- little brother ""you broke my GI Joe and I'm still pissed"" games?" +"I wanted to know why you messed with my station assignment. I mean, is this really gonna have to one of those big brother -- little brother ""you broke my GI Joe and I'm still pissed"" games?" What is it with you, man, huh? How do you manage to keep coming up with new and amazing ways to screw up? That scotch bullshit? Am I really supposed to believe you came crawling back home because you suddenly felt heart strings moan for the family biz? You were bankrupt, man. +What is it with you, man, huh? How do you manage to keep coming up with new and amazing ways to screw up? That scotch bullshit? Am I really supposed to believe you came crawling back home because you suddenly felt heart strings moan for the family biz? You were bankrupt, man. Hey! You don't know me -- +Hey! You don't know me -- I know you cold, Brian. The scary thing is, you probably could have faked it for awhile. But you see, in this job there's no place to hide. Isn't like selling log cabins. You have a bad day here -- someone dies. And that's not fucking good enough. Want another beer? +I know you cold, Brian. The scary thing is, you probably could have faked it for awhile. But you see, in this job there's no place to hide. Isn't like selling log cabins. You have a bad day here -- someone dies. And that's not fucking good enough. Want another beer? So that's it? Big bad brother's gonna ride my ass till I cough blood? +So that's it? Big bad brother's gonna ride my ass till I cough blood? Big bad brother is going to treat you like any other probie -- that I don't think is going to make it. +There's only so much technology can do. Thanks for the beer. Thanks for the speakers. +Y'know, I told myself a million times I didn't want to be a fireman. I said bullshit to that line about tradition and family legacy. I know I split, and I know how you felt... Yeah, you know. You know what it felt like. +Yeah, you know. You know what it felt like. I gotta do this, Stephen. I gotta know. +I gotta do this, Stephen. I gotta know. I think you're gonna find out, Brian. Don't be late tomorrow. +Ya love it, probie? I'm in heaven, Lt. +I'm in heaven, Lt. Hook us up to a stand-pipe. +Y'know, you got an awful short memory for direct orders. I told you to stay beside me. -- C'mon, Stephen. +-- C'mon, Stephen. -- You split the team, man. And what was that crap with the standpipe? You'd think you and a hose were never introduced before. +Goddamn it Stephen! -- I told you to stay next to me! +-- I told you to stay next to me! -- I was doin' it! I was up there fucking doin' it. You don't know, man, you don't know what I did! +-- I was doin' it! I was up there fucking doin' it. You don't know, man, you don't know what I did! What you did was drop the ball, Probie. Get that right. +C'mon ladies, let's roll some hose... -- Never mind. +Thanks. Brian -- -- See ya tonight. +Hey. Hey. +So you got a 'roid going with Jackson or what? Nah, he's nothin'. It's just sometimes... sometimes you just gotta punch somebody out, y'know? +Look, Brian, a photographer. Maybe I can get on the cover of LIFE magazine, too. C'mon, let's crawl home. +Jesus, it's too damn bright in here... Like a goddamn spotlight... I'm goin' blind... This? +This? Yeah... too bright... +Roll the hose. What, are you kidding? By myself? +What, is it the stairs? Christ, I'll let you win next time. You got a problem with drilling, probie? +You got a problem with drilling, probie? No, Lt., I don't have a problem with drilling. But let's just have one drill. Not one for the company and one for me. +No, Lt., I don't have a problem with drilling. But let's just have one drill. Not one for the company and one for me. Roll the hose. +Ready? Christ, Stephen, let's wait for the hose team... +Christ, Stephen, let's wait for the hose team... Listen to it, Brian... Jump when I say... It won't get us. +You okay? I waited... I would have fucking waited... +I waited... I would have fucking waited... That's not what it's about, Brian. The point is there was a kid in there. And what if there'd been two? I went in because that's what I do. It's my way. It's dad's way. It isn't everybody's way. +That's not what it's about, Brian. The point is there was a kid in there. And what if there'd been two? I went in because that's what I do. It's my way. It's dad's way. It isn't everybody's way. Dad's way? Where did he tell you that? In a fucking seance? +Dad's way? Where did he tell you that? In a fucking seance? You said you wanted to know something, Brian. What did you learn today? What do you say, Brian, huh? Time to move on? +Look, you are sorta making yourself fair game. Thanks for the insight. +Thanks for the insight. Brian, look -- +Brian, look -- Just leave me alone, okay? +...Not now, Brian. Had to take on another fire bare- handed, huh? Had to be fucking myth man in there instead of looking out for your probie. Is that what happened? Is it, Stephen? +Had to take on another fire bare- handed, huh? Had to be fucking myth man in there instead of looking out for your probie. Is that what happened? Is it, Stephen? I had that fire. He didn't listen! +I had that fire. He didn't listen! He didn't listen? He was a fucking candidate! He was your responsibility. He shouldn't have been there in the first place, Stephen. You burned him. +He didn't listen? He was a fucking candidate! He was your responsibility. He shouldn't have been there in the first place, Stephen. You burned him. Fuck you. +Hey, what are you doing here? Just... Just wanted to say hello... +Just... Just wanted to say hello... So hello. +Well, long as you're here you can help clean up a little. I've got a guy coming to look at this in a few minutes. You're selling dad's boat? +You're selling dad's boat? Yeah, it's just another memory in my life right now. And I got way too many of them... +Yeah, it's just another memory in my life right now. And I got way too many of them... I really should get back. There's... there's something I'm supposed to do. +I really should get back. There's... there's something I'm supposed to do. Yeah? What have you got to do? Look at you. Look at your face. All the things you must be thinking. Man, you must really hate my guts. Well, you know what? It's okay. +Yeah? What have you got to do? Look at you. Look at your face. All the things you must be thinking. Man, you must really hate my guts. Well, you know what? It's okay. Look, Stephen, maybe we can talk about this some other -- +Look, Stephen, maybe we can talk about this some other -- -- Okay, so you don't like me. You don't like everything I've done. What, because I wasn't such a genius the way I raised you? Jesus Christ, dad was gone, what was I supposed to do? You tell me, what the fuck was I supposed to do?! +It's okay, Stephen, I -- -- I tried, y'know? Helen's right. I don't have all the answers, but goddamn it, I've got some. Look, you're gonna do what you have to, and maybe I shouldn't have gotten in the way. I'm your brother, not your father. Go on. You gotta go somewhere? Go... +I saw it. Saw what? +Saw what? When dad died, I saw another fire... +When dad died, I saw another fire... Everybody did. +Everybody did. I saw it before it got them. I tried to yell, but... He asked me to look out for him. And I didn't do it. I let him die. +I saw it before it got them. I tried to yell, but... He asked me to look out for him. And I didn't do it. I let him die. ...Jesus, you been carrying that around for twenty years? For christ's sake, you were seven years old! You think he could have heard you in there? +...Jesus, you been carrying that around for twenty years? For christ's sake, you were seven years old! You think he could have heard you in there? I hate him so much sometimes, Stephen. You don't know how hard it was for me to put that uniform on... +I hate him so much sometimes, Stephen. You don't know how hard it was for me to put that uniform on... Maybe I do. ...What a fuckin' mess, huh? People can change Brian. +Maybe I do. ...What a fuckin' mess, huh? People can change Brian. Sometimes right when you're looking at them. +Oh God, Stephen, what's going on with you? I don't know, Brian... I don't know... +-- Stephen, wait a minute. I gotta talk to you. It's Adcox, he's -- -- What are you doing here? +-- What are you doing here? I saw Adcox's back! I saw the burn! I put it there! Jesus Christ, Stephen, he's been killing people! +I saw Adcox's back! I saw the burn! I put it there! Jesus Christ, Stephen, he's been killing people! I know. +I know. How do you know? +How do you know? I knew when you came looking for the chemicals. Looking for me. +I knew when you came looking for the chemicals. Looking for me. -- What were they doing there? +-- What were they doing there? They were for the fucking boat, Brian. +Anything else? What are we going to do about this? +What are we going to do about this? I'll handle it. +I'll handle it. We gotta go to Rimgale, Stephen. +We gotta go to Rimgale, Stephen. I'm his Lt. He's my responsibility. I'll handle it. Me. +You're his Lt., Stephen... Are you gonna handle it? Are you Stephen? Shut up! +You crazy son of a bitch, why couldn't you stay behind a desk where you belong? """You never know till the fire stares you down if you're gonna be --""" +"""You never know till the fire stares you down if you're gonna be --""" Oh shut up, huh? I think I broke my goddamn arm... +Don't tell them about Adcox... Don't let 'em... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I thought... I won't. +Brian. Jennifer. +Jennifer. You're back. +You're back. You look great. +You look great. Thanks for calling. +Thanks for calling. Uh... I've been sorta keeping a low profile... the academy... I graduated today. +Uh... I've been sorta keeping a low profile... the academy... I graduated today. Huh. +Huh. So... I see you're still in the neighborhood. +So... I see you're still in the neighborhood. Not quite. Just visiting. I live in Lincoln Park now. +Not quite. Just visiting. I live in Lincoln Park now. Yeah? What have you been up to? +Yeah? What have you been up to? I work for city hall. +I work for city hall. Really? No kidding. +Really? No kidding. What, you think I just dried up and blew away when you left? The world does turn once in awhile Brian, even without your permission. +Well, if nothing else, it's nice to know we can still be friends. I don't want to be your friend, Brian. +With grenadine, right? When I was twenty. +When I was twenty. Oooh, very sophisticated. Having fun? +Look, I'm not the same girl who had nothing better to do than wrap her legs around you on a Saturday night. This isn't about fun. I'm working here. Carrying Swayzak's notebook? +Carrying Swayzak's notebook? Let me tell you something. Martin Swayzak is going to be this town's next mayor. +Let me tell you something. Martin Swayzak is going to be this town's next mayor. Yeah. Swayzak. Humanity's last hope. How can you work for that guy? +Yeah. Swayzak. Humanity's last hope. How can you work for that guy? Why do you think Marty came here tonight? Because he cares about your department. You don't know how hard he works. You don't know about his programs helping West Side -- +Why do you think Marty came here tonight? Because he cares about your department. You don't know how hard he works. You don't know about his programs helping West Side -- -- All I know is that his programs are getting firemen hurt. +-- All I know is that his programs are getting firemen hurt. Bullshit. Marty's plan is only about efficiency. I've got two cousins on the job, you think I'd work for him if I didn't believe in it? +What was that? Oh man, you have picked up a few moves since John Paul II Boulevard. Yeah, well I like to think I'm just a little past hanging out on JP II watching the Irish pick fights and Litwalks barf in the planters. +Yeah, well I like to think I'm just a little past hanging out on JP II watching the Irish pick fights and Litwalks barf in the planters. I seem to remember some pretty good nights on JP II. +Boy, took you all of thirty seconds to blow that. C'mon Jennifer, he's just another North-Side jag-off with a mouth. +C'mon Jennifer, he's just another North-Side jag-off with a mouth. Brian, do you always have to be so stupid? Think about your future for once. +Brian, do you always have to be so stupid? Think about your future for once. So now you suddenly care about my future? +So now you suddenly care about my future? Look, I didn't mean to take a piece out of you back there, I just thought you'd call when you came back. You didn't and... Don't blow it just because of this garbage between us. +Look, I didn't mean to take a piece out of you back there, I just thought you'd call when you came back. You didn't and... Don't blow it just because of this garbage between us. Hey, sorry if I made you look bad in front of your boss. But I'm not gonna be a poster boy for him, I'm trying to do something here. There's five hundred smoke eaters in this room that do that stuff for real every day. Tell Swayzak to talk to one of them. +I've been thinking about what you said the other night... If the offer's still on the table, I'd like to talk about it. ...Okay. I'll arrange things with your assignment captain. Marty's a good man, Brian. +...Okay. I'll arrange things with your assignment captain. Marty's a good man, Brian. Yeah... +Arson. Straightest answer your department's given me all week. +Hey. How's it going? +How's it going? Boss and I are up to about three words an hour. +Boss and I are up to about three words an hour. Green committed to a thousand. There's another fund-raising party tonight. Marty'd really like you to come. +Green committed to a thousand. There's another fund-raising party tonight. Marty'd really like you to come. I don't know, I'm kinda swamped here. +I could use a date. Yeah? Well, maybe I can fit it in... +Hi. Hey... So are you dating your boss or what? +Hey... So are you dating your boss or what? If you weren't at least the 300th person to ask me that, I'd probably be pissed. Boy, you sure know it's a man's world sometimes... +If you weren't at least the 300th person to ask me that, I'd probably be pissed. Boy, you sure know it's a man's world sometimes... Sorry. Are you dating anyone? +Sorry. Are you dating anyone? You think that's really any of your business? +You think that's really any of your business? Well, you did invite me here. +Well, you did invite me here. Marty did. But I wanted you to come to. +Okay. Boy, Rimgale's as slow as a snail, isn't he? +Boy, Rimgale's as slow as a snail, isn't he? No, he's more of a dinosaur. Guy's not a dummy, though. He's juggling alot of balls on this one. +No, he's more of a dinosaur. Guy's not a dummy, though. He's juggling alot of balls on this one. Yeah, but it doesn't take Albert Einstein just to figure out if these guys were killed by accidents or not. +Yeah, but it doesn't take Albert Einstein just to figure out if these guys were killed by accidents or not. Jesus, give him a break. There isn't enough proof yet to go public. Sure, we found some chemical shit we think somebody dumped in the plugs to torch 'em, and we've maybe figured out why backdrafts, but you can't rush this stuff. Not 'till it's locked. +Jesus, give him a break. There isn't enough proof yet to go public. Sure, we found some chemical shit we think somebody dumped in the plugs to torch 'em, and we've maybe figured out why backdrafts, but you can't rush this stuff. Not 'till it's locked. But Rimgale's probably going to come around to arson. +But Rimgale's probably going to come around to arson. In a dinosaur kinda way, yeah. +Thanks for the invite. Got anything to drink in there? +Got anything to drink in there? Oh, there might be something stashed away for emergencies. +This is one of the oldest fire stations in the city. Lotta tradition locked up in here. What do you think? Homey. +Homey. See that trap door up there? That used to lead to the hay loft when they had horse-drawn engines. It was pretty different then... but kinda the same, y'know? +See that trap door up there? That used to lead to the hay loft when they had horse-drawn engines. It was pretty different then... but kinda the same, y'know? Do you miss it? You seem like you do. +Do you miss it? You seem like you do. When I came back, I knew more than anything else that I wanted to be a fireman. +When I came back, I knew more than anything else that I wanted to be a fireman. Then why did you quit? +Then why did you quit? I wanted to be a good one. +Well, our specimen here is your basic standard issue piece of primary suppression equipment. This area is the pumping panel, which controls the rate of liquid insertion into the hose. Uh huh. +Brian. What's wrong? You told Swayzak about our arson lead. It's all over the fucking news. +You told Swayzak about our arson lead. It's all over the fucking news. I didn't know it was a secret. There aren't supposed to be secrets between the city and its investigators -- +I didn't know it was a secret. There aren't supposed to be secrets between the city and its investigators -- -- Bullshit! You knew what I told you wasn't ready for the papers -- +-- Bullshit! You knew what I told you wasn't ready for the papers -- Will you please keep your voice down, there's people -- +Will you please keep your voice down, there's people -- -- You could have scared the son of a bitch off. We may never bust him now. All for a couple's political points. +-- You could have scared the son of a bitch off. We may never bust him now. All for a couple's political points. I was doing my job. +I was doing my job. "Yeah? And just how much of all this has been ""doing your job""?" +"Yeah? And just how much of all this has been ""doing your job""?" Let me ask you something, do you really think Marty had you assigned to arson because of your firefighting skills? Who the hell are you kidding? I was there, remember? I saw you and your brother -- +Let me ask you something, do you really think Marty had you assigned to arson because of your firefighting skills? Who the hell are you kidding? I was there, remember? I saw you and your brother -- Leave Stephen out of this -- +Leave Stephen out of this -- Oh yeah, he's the real fireman. Who are you? Just another probie working for Swayzak -- +Oh yeah, he's the real fireman. Who are you? Just another probie working for Swayzak -- -- I work for the city. +-- I work for the city. You knew what we were asking you to do. Don't suddenly pull out a conscience now. The fit isn't right. +Hi. Hi. +Hi. We still talking? Look, I'm sorry about the other day -- +We still talking? Look, I'm sorry about the other day -- Swayzak knows something about the guys that were murdered. I want to know why he keeps that hidden. +Swayzak knows something about the guys that were murdered. I want to know why he keeps that hidden. I don't know anything about it. +I don't know anything about it. You could check. It'd be in his files. +You could check. It'd be in his files. Do you know what you're asking me to do? +Do you know what you're asking me to do? Yes. +Yes. Y'know, four years ago I was working in a bakery. Two years ago I was bringing Marty coffee and he didn't even know my name. I run that office now. Marty believed in me and I believe in him. You want me to just throw that away? +Y'know, four years ago I was working in a bakery. Two years ago I was bringing Marty coffee and he didn't even know my name. I run that office now. Marty believed in me and I believe in him. You want me to just throw that away? Your boss is lying, Jennifer. +What is -- Just take it. +I'm sorry. That's a dumb thing to say. +That's a dumb thing to say. You're right. +I think your boss is going to need some spin control. I quit two days ago, Brian. +I quit two days ago, Brian. What'll you do? +What'll you do? I don't have the slightest idea... +I don't have the slightest idea... I'll see ya around, huh? +I'll see ya around, huh? It's a small town. +Brian McCaffrey... Oh this is really a treat. Brian McCaffrey. Lost a dad to the animal, huh? Hey, do I know you? +I'm close... but I can't get who it is... So you came to me... Well, this is going to be an interesting afternoon after all... +Okay, here's the deal. I'll tell you a story, you tell me one. Fair? Who's doing this? +Who's doing this? Your first question should be who isn't. It isn't a spark, Brian. Not enough damage. And an insurance pro? Where's the profit margin? +Your first question should be who isn't. It isn't a spark, Brian. Not enough damage. And an insurance pro? Where's the profit margin? Then who -- +Then who -- -- No no, your turn. Tell me a story. +-- No no, your turn. Tell me a story. I don't have a story. +I don't have a story. Sure you do. +Famous story even. Straight burn. Just an engine and truck first on scene. What did you feel, Brian, when you first got there? What? +What? You gotta tell a story too, Brian. It's fair. C'mon, don't think too hard -- +You gotta tell a story too, Brian. It's fair. C'mon, don't think too hard -- I... I thought it was great. I loved it. It was nothing to these guys... medium deal. +I... I thought it was great. I loved it. It was nothing to these guys... medium deal. Right. Light smoke, low roll. Couple'a civilians hollering -- medium deal. So young fireman Adcox and Captain McCaffrey, they head up stairs, get out on the fire escape -- McCaffrey does the ballsy jump across... what were you feeling, Brian? C'mon, you promised. Be honest. Okay... Guard! +Right. Light smoke, low roll. Couple'a civilians hollering -- medium deal. So young fireman Adcox and Captain McCaffrey, they head up stairs, get out on the fire escape -- McCaffrey does the ballsy jump across... what were you feeling, Brian? C'mon, you promised. Be honest. Okay... Guard! -- I wanted to be him. Right then I wanted to be him more than anything... +-- I wanted to be him. Right then I wanted to be him more than anything... Very good, Brian. -- About your report here. The way to a torch's heart is through his tools. That's how you know him. It's the way he talks to the fire. And to you if you listen. +Very good, Brian. -- About your report here. The way to a torch's heart is through his tools. That's how you know him. It's the way he talks to the fire. And to you if you listen. The outlets. +The outlets. That's a probie answer. You're smarter than that, Brian. +That's a probie answer. You're smarter than that, Brian. Trychticholorate. +Trychticholorate. Good. -- So our two heroes, Adcox and McCaffrey, they go back inside. Only there's another fire in there nobody sees. And it took your dad, didn't it Brian? Did you see him burn? +Who the fuck is doing this? After it took your dad... the fire... did it look at you Brian? Did it talk to you?... +Oh Jesus Christ... Not such a far walk after all, is it, Brian? +If it was a joke, sir, you'd be laughing. You walked out on this academy six years ago. One week to graduation. You think we forgot that? You think I did? +You walked out on this academy six years ago. One week to graduation. You think we forgot that? You think I did? I want another shot, Sir. +I want another shot, Sir. Look, everybody remembers your old man. Being his son, all you had to do was breathe to graduate here. Dead Hero Father Rule. But you blew us off. Why should I take you back? +Look, everybody remembers your old man. Being his son, all you had to do was breathe to graduate here. Dead Hero Father Rule. But you blew us off. Why should I take you back? If you remember, sir, my test scores were in the top -- +If you remember, sir, my test scores were in the top -- -- I don't give a damn what your test scores were, maybe you could have been a good firemen, but you had your shot. +-- I don't give a damn what your test scores were, maybe you could have been a good firemen, but you had your shot. I need another one, sir. +I need another one, sir. Sorry, but it's out of my hands. Try again next year. +Sorry, but it's out of my hands. Try again next year. No, it isn't out of your hands or you wouldn't even have met me. If I push you have to let me back in. Dead Hero Father Rule. Sir. +No, it isn't out of your hands or you wouldn't even have met me. If I push you have to let me back in. Dead Hero Father Rule. Sir. Even if you graduate this academy, you've still got nine months of probation. That's hard duty, son. If you don't really love this job, it'll kill you. +Even if you graduate this academy, you've still got nine months of probation. That's hard duty, son. If you don't really love this job, it'll kill you. See you Monday. Sir. +Uh, I'm Brian McCaffrey. Your new assistant. Your Dennis' kid. I work alone. +Are you still here? Get used to me, Inspector. I'm not going anywhere. +Get used to me, Inspector. I'm not going anywhere. Then go find a corner. I don't want you in my way. +Then go find a corner. I don't want you in my way. I think we should get something straight here. I was assigned to this office by the city. +I think we should get something straight here. I was assigned to this office by the city. Look, I knew your father, he had a helluva reputation on this job. But that don't mean you get any slack. Swayzak sends you down here, okay, I gotta eat you, that's the rules and I got nothing to say about that. But Swayzak or no, you live with me. Step out of line, and I don't care who knows you, I'll swing the hammer. You think you're the first? +Where are you going? Pest control. +-- Shhh. What are you listening to? +So you were happy here. Warm and cozy and in no hurry... Soot high, clean unburned wall low, indicates slow burn in thermal balance. Find me some glass. Glass? +Glass? Do we have a language barrier here? Glass. +Glass found in ignition room is in small, thin pieces, indicating explosion. Lack of discoloration indicates a long, slow burn. Explosion must of come after a slow burn. You little tease... What were you up to you little bastard, huh? What made you that mad? Or scared. It started in this room. Took its time, hung out... but the air ran out. It couldn't breathe. So it was snuffed. But it wasn't dead... still all that trapped heat, lying low, waiting for some sucker to open the door and give it that one gulp of air... -- Another backdraft. +Temperature in this room was about 2000 degrees, but copper wire in outlet is melted, which requires 5000 degrees. An accidental short in the plug could of created a spark of 7000 degrees, hot enough to melt the wire and start a fire. No it couldn't. +Uh, I don't think that's in my contract... I just re-wrote your contract. C'mere... +Read. """Trychtichlorate is a binary structured --""" +"""Trychtichlorate is a binary structured --""" -- Go to the bottom. Under heat properties. +-- Go to the bottom. Under heat properties. """During heat episodes of 2000 Kelvin or higher, Trych breaks down and dissipates. Will consume magnesium""." +"""During heat episodes of 2000 Kelvin or higher, Trych breaks down and dissipates. Will consume magnesium""." Ever burned magnesium? It's so hot it takes water molecules and BAMM! +Son of a bitch tears 'em apart just to eat the oxygen. Wouldn't take much at all to melt ten gauge wire. Problem's burnt magnesium leaves a powder trace -- unless you could find something that would eat its residue. Trychticholorate. Then Swayzak can announce Seagrave was a murder. +Look, it isn't proof, okay? Someone may have put the chemical in the outlet, but we found it as a vapor in Cosgrove's clothes. And the putty around the door? +And the putty around the door? Even if it was used to seal the air off, that doesn't explain why someone would go to the trouble of a backdraft. A gun's a helluva lot easier +Even if it was used to seal the air off, that doesn't explain why someone would go to the trouble of a backdraft. A gun's a helluva lot easier But the right guess on this is arson. +But the right guess on this is arson. I don't guess. +I don't guess. Some people say you don't do much of anything when it comes to this case. +Some people say you don't do much of anything when it comes to this case. I don't work for them, either. +That's it! Oh, that son of a bitch, he's different, goddamn it! You see what this tells us, huh? Our killer doesn't love fire! What? +What? I got it after we talked to Ronald. Torches. Want to fry the whole goddamn world. But the fires that killed those guys never really burned up much. -- The burns were all lit in outlets surrounded by double firebreaks in the walls. And he made his burns backdrafts. +I got it after we talked to Ronald. Torches. Want to fry the whole goddamn world. But the fires that killed those guys never really burned up much. -- The burns were all lit in outlets surrounded by double firebreaks in the walls. And he made his burns backdrafts. But he killed these guys. +But he killed these guys. But he could have killed everybody there. The firebreaks kept it from spreading in the wall. The backdraft blew out the flame. That's it. That's the reason. +But he could have killed everybody there. The firebreaks kept it from spreading in the wall. The backdraft blew out the flame. That's it. That's the reason. What reason? +What reason? Why backdrafts. Whoever fried Seagrave and Cosgrove went to a helluva lot of trouble to make sure they died by fire, but also made sure the fire blew itself out. +Why backdrafts. Whoever fried Seagrave and Cosgrove went to a helluva lot of trouble to make sure they died by fire, but also made sure the fire blew itself out. That's why the sealant on the doors... So what have we got, a torch with a conscience? +That's why the sealant on the doors... So what have we got, a torch with a conscience? No, we have a stone killer trying to make a point. +No, we have a stone killer trying to make a point. Are you going public with this? +Are you going public with this? No. Do that and I guarantee you'll scare him off. I don't want him running away. +What the hell are you doing here? I'm finished with Swayzak. I'll do whatever you want me to do. I just want to help catch the guy that burned Tim. You gotta give me another shot. +In a word, Brian, what is this job all about? Fire. +Hey boss, Dekom Trust is owned by Pan Illinois... which is majority controlled by Lakeside Dynamics... which is a division of Windy City Ventures... who's partners are... Alan Seagrave, Donald Cosgrove, and Jeffrey Holcomb. Son of a bitch. They knew each other. +So Seagrave and Holcomb were accountants... And Cosgrove. Coppers figured he laundered money for the mob before getting into real estate. They weren't very high on Seagrave, either. +And Cosgrove. Coppers figured he laundered money for the mob before getting into real estate. They weren't very high on Seagrave, either. Nice bunch of guys. +Nice bunch of guys. Who all ended up wearing candles for faces... Swayzak's up to his ass in this somehow. Guy can barely hold a drink in his hand, he's so scared. +This is the copy of Swayzak's manning report that was released. Everybody on this job knows it's bullshit but we could never argue with the numbers. They're all airtight. Yeah? Airtight? +I've got three different drafts of the same report -- with different numbers that're all over the place. Looks like they were just making it up as they went along. Did a little check on the consulting firm that wrote the report. They did exactly one job -- Swayzak's manpower study. It's not even really a company. No employees, no directors, just a PO Box. +Did a little check on the consulting firm that wrote the report. They did exactly one job -- Swayzak's manpower study. It's not even really a company. No employees, no directors, just a PO Box. Then who wrote the report? +Then who wrote the report? It had to be someone who knows numbers. Some kind of fancy accountant. But what's the connection? +Well Brian, I guess you can say it's arson now... How ya feeling? +Did you pull me out? Yeah. +Yeah. Did I say thanks? +Did I say thanks? No. +No. Just wondering. +Just wondering. I hate hospitals. You're so... so goddamn useless... +So what do you want me to do? I've been lying here hours... just thinking... We're close... We're not looking in the right place, Brian. This one knows us and we're not looking in the right place... +Your brother was a good man. Yeah. +Yeah. Another couple of good men get burned up for their city? Is that how it's going to read? You're the only one that knows. +Another couple of good men get burned up for their city? Is that how it's going to read? You're the only one that knows. Like it never happened... +Brian? Hi, Helen. Man, you look great. +Hi, Helen. Man, you look great. You look like... Brian. +'Bout written you off. How long have you been in town? Four months. +Four months. Four months? +Four months? I know, I know, Should'a called. I've been really busy. I joined the fire department. +That's Sean? Jeez, he's a giant. Yeah, you'd be surprised what three years can do to a kid. +Yeah, you'd be surprised what three years can do to a kid. Sean, come on out, man. What, you forget your favorite uncle? +Sean, come on out, man. What, you forget your favorite uncle? Stephen told him you were killed in a hot tub accident. +Well that's two things to strangle Stephen for. Where is he, anyway? Stephen's not staying here now, Brian. He moved out last April. +Oh, man, I'm sorry. You guys ought to try picking up a phone once in awhile. +Yeah. Big fan. And I'm a huge fan of what you did to save that woman, Brian. +And I'm a huge fan of what you did to save that woman, Brian. Uh, I think there's been a mistake. I didn't save that woman. +Uh, I think there's been a mistake. I didn't save that woman. No need to be modest, Brian. +No need to be modest, Brian. No, you don't understand, I saved a mannequin. +No, you don't understand, I saved a mannequin. -- That really was incredibly work you did. You and your brother, fighting fires together, helluva image, isn't it? You must feel lucky to be assigned under his command. +-- That really was incredibly work you did. You and your brother, fighting fires together, helluva image, isn't it? You must feel lucky to be assigned under his command. Every little boy's fantasy. +Every little boy's fantasy. Brian, let me come to the point. I'd like to offer you a job. +Brian, let me come to the point. I'd like to offer you a job. I have a job. +I have a job. This one's still with the fire department. One of our best investigators, Don Rimgale, is working on a very difficult, visible case right now. We think he could use another pair of hands and you're exactly the kind of guy I want representing us: An authentic hero from a traditional firefighting clan. +This one's still with the fire department. One of our best investigators, Don Rimgale, is working on a very difficult, visible case right now. We think he could use another pair of hands and you're exactly the kind of guy I want representing us: An authentic hero from a traditional firefighting clan. Yeah, we got all kinds of traditions -- like dying young. +Yeah, we got all kinds of traditions -- like dying young. Not every job in the fire department comes with a tombstone, Brian. This could be a great opportunity to move... beyond a fire engine. +Mr. McCaffrey... Nice boat. +Nice boat. It isn't mine. Let's get a picture. +Mr. McCaffrey... Keeping busy? Yeah. In fact, I just dropped off a letter to the Times explaining how yesterday's arson announcement was a fabrication by your office. They loved it. And you know what? You were right, my family background in firefighting gave it weight. +Completely out of control. What the hell are we waiting for? +Aren't you even curious? Engine 115, right? +Engine 115, right? How'd you know? These are supposed to be sealed. +How'd you know? These are supposed to be sealed. Lucky guess. And a case of scotch to a captain in station assignments. +Lucky guess. And a case of scotch to a captain in station assignments. You crooked son of a bitch. Why 115? +You crooked son of a bitch. Why 115? Lots of fires. They promote faster there. Take a look at the last Lt.'s list, half the guys on it came from that battalion. Gotta think about your future, Timmy. 115's the station. +Lots of fires. They promote faster there. Take a look at the last Lt.'s list, half the guys on it came from that battalion. Gotta think about your future, Timmy. 115's the station. Ah man, if you're gonna bribe your way into a station, why not 17 with me and your brother? +Man. Something sure put a crimp in his evening. Backdraft. +Do you have to do that? Could you believe that fire? Man! First day! There I was, Adcox and me, pullin' that lady right out of the fire's fuckin' throat! I love it here -- No surround and drown for this company. Fighting 17th! Goddamn Stephen's amazing. You see how he took that fire by the balls? I'm gonna be that good some day, you watch. +"Y'know what Stephen said to me, right when all the shit was coming hard? ""You never know till the moment the fire stares you down if you're just gonna do this job or be great at it""." Ah man, is he usin' that line now on you? What, you think he made that little gem up? Jesus Christ, I used to have to listen to my old man use that every morning. +What? """Probationary Fireman Brian McCaffrey, on his very first fire, showed the kind of bravery and courage of a veteran firefighter when he risked life and limb to double-check a burning floor alone, emerging victoriously with Anna Rodriguez, a seamstress for the North Shore Clothing Company... McCaffrey first gained prominence as the subject of a 1972 Pulitzer Prize winning photograph taken at the scene of his father's death...""" +So, you surviving without me? There's no replacement 'cause of your boss' cuts, if that's what you mean. If someone else goes out on an injury we're really screwed. +There's no replacement 'cause of your boss' cuts, if that's what you mean. If someone else goes out on an injury we're really screwed. Swayzak's not my boss. +Well, if it isn't the littlest McCaffrey. Hey! You break anything with that you buy it! Sorry, there must be something wrong with my eyes. I keep thinking that's a fire department uniform. It's in my blood, Willy. +"Really. Well, let's have a look at what else was ""in your blood"". I always look forward to getting these, they make such a nice collage for the bar... ""Assistant Director, Sales, Aspen Snowmobile Tours...""" Didn't offer the kinda growth and challenge I need. +Didn't offer the kinda growth and challenge I need. "Uh huh. And ""Pioneer's Pride, Mobile Log Cabins"". That was in your blood about six months wasn't it?" +"Uh huh. And ""Pioneer's Pride, Mobile Log Cabins"". That was in your blood about six months wasn't it?" Management were pin heads. +Management were pin heads. """Laguna Jamming, Custom Surfboards""?" +"""Laguna Jamming, Custom Surfboards""?" Coffee sucked. +Coffee sucked. "And just this year, ""Brian's Sound Spectrum"". Your own company even. Big step." +"And just this year, ""Brian's Sound Spectrum"". Your own company even. Big step." I was ahead of my time. +I was ahead of my time. "You know, I've got a perfect little spot here for ""Brian McCaffrey, Fireman""..." +Who's going to die? Brian. He's not doing it right, dad. He never does it right. +Brian. He's not doing it right, dad. He never does it right. Well, let's have a look. +Your brother's right. If you don't fasten these correctly they could open and you'd get burned. And DIE! +Fireman shit? Hey, what's with the mouth? Where'd you grow up, a barn? +Hey, what's with the mouth? Where'd you grow up, a barn? Firehouse. +Firehouse. Cute. +Dad! You've come along a dozen times, Stephen, give your brother a chance. We'll be back in a few minutes. How 'bout it, sport? +I hate it when we gotta fucking go look for it. Call in another alarm. We're gonna need some back-up. +Stevie? Rimgale's here to see you. I'm busy. +I'm busy. He just wants to -- +He just wants to -- -- I'm busy goddamn it, okay? +We gotta roll, Stevie... I'll be there. +I'll be there. They're waitin' man. +They're waitin' man. I'll be there, goddamn it! +Uh, Helen, I wanted to talk to you a second about Sean... Stephen, I'm kinda busy here, can we talk about this later? +You can't talk about my brother like that... Here we go... +Stephen, what are you doing here? Fixing my roof. +Fixing my roof. It's not your roof anymore. +Where's Sean? He's got piano lessons. +He's got piano lessons. Oh yeah? How's he doing? +Oh yeah? How's he doing? He's going to be a fireman. +He's going to be a fireman. Give up, babe. You can't fight it. Believe me, my mom tried... +Give up, babe. You can't fight it. Believe me, my mom tried... Stephen, you gotta stop just showing up on the roof like this. +Stephen, you gotta stop just showing up on the roof like this. I just wanted to, I don't know, not exactly apologize for the other night -- especially since I don't remember much of it -- +I just wanted to, I don't know, not exactly apologize for the other night -- especially since I don't remember much of it -- -- You remember. +-- You remember. Yeah... I just thought I should say, I don't know, something. +Yeah... I just thought I should say, I don't know, something. The great communicator. +The great communicator. Sorry I hit Jackson. +Sorry I hit Jackson. He deserved it. He was born deserving it. +He deserved it. He was born deserving it. He treats you okay? +He treats you okay? Okay. +Okay. I treated you better. +I treated you better. You treated me like shit. +You want some coffee? Coffee? Nah, I gotta go. +Coffee? Nah, I gotta go. What's wrong, Stephen? C'mon, you only beat up the roof when something's on your mind. How's Brian doing? +What's wrong, Stephen? C'mon, you only beat up the roof when something's on your mind. How's Brian doing? He's out. +He's out. I know he's out, but how's he doing? +I know he's out, but how's he doing? Y'know, I treated him better than any other probie I ever had. He probably hates my guts, but I did the best thing for him. I made him finally look in the mirror. +Y'know, I treated him better than any other probie I ever had. He probably hates my guts, but I did the best thing for him. I made him finally look in the mirror. Ah Stephen, that's what this is really about, isn't it? You always have to be right. +Ah Stephen, that's what this is really about, isn't it? You always have to be right. Hey, I'm the first one to admit when I'm wrong. +Hey, I'm the first one to admit when I'm wrong. Yeah? When was the last time? +Yeah? When was the last time? In a fire? Never. Look, I'm his brother. I care about him, y'know? He was going to get himself killed. Maybe not today, maybe not in a year, but it would've happened. And I couldn't -- I just couldn't... +In a fire? Never. Look, I'm his brother. I care about him, y'know? He was going to get himself killed. Maybe not today, maybe not in a year, but it would've happened. And I couldn't -- I just couldn't... You can't keep being his father... +I'm sorry... I... couldn't sleep... What's wrong? +What's wrong? I... It used to be, when I was a kid, what meant most to me about this job was there were no ifs. Life and death, right and wrong. When someone called the fire department, we came... Those guys don't know how much I love them... You don't leave people hanging... cause that's what it's all about. It's loyalty. It's 'till death do us part. Isn't that what you heard?... It's you go, we go... Cause without that, it's the end of families, it's the end of the fire department... and when the fire department stops coming... that's the end of the fucking world... I'm sorry I came, Helen, it's just... it's just there's nobody I can talk to... I miss you. +Cook and I are almost finished here. Have a seat. Stephen... I... can I talk to you a second... +Look, I'm sorry I -- -- No, that's okay. It's just Sean... +-- No, that's okay. It's just Sean... -- He's gettin' good on those eggs. And y'know, he told me he actually likes the piano. +-- He's gettin' good on those eggs. And y'know, he told me he actually likes the piano. I don't want to confuse him, Stephen. +They ran the residue you scraped from both crispers' front doors. It's a combination of plumber's putty and rayophene gum. Burns almost completely away when you light it. Putty? On both doors? +Putty? On both doors? There's something else kinda interesting... +Anyway, down here, take a look... McCaffrey, hold this for us. +See that patch of shirt? We wondered about the discoloration so he ran a spectro. On a lucky shot we picked up some traces of Trychticholorate. Nobody around here had ever heard of it. Trychticholorate? Alright, it's an absorption catalyst in toxic waste accidents. It's pretty rare, they stopped making it a couple'a years ago. +Trychticholorate? Alright, it's an absorption catalyst in toxic waste accidents. It's pretty rare, they stopped making it a couple'a years ago. Probably got in Cosgrove's clothes in a gas state from the fire. +Probably got in Cosgrove's clothes in a gas state from the fire. What the hell was it doing in the fire? +What the hell was it doing in the fire? That's your job. +Shadow. How ya doin', Ronald. Staying comfortable? +How ya doin', Ronald. Staying comfortable? Didn't think you'd make it. +Didn't think you'd make it. Wouldn't miss this for the world, pal. +Wouldn't miss this for the world, pal. Who's this? +Who's this? He works for me. +He works for me. Is he a fireman? I like firemen. +Is he a fireman? I like firemen. You like everybody, Ronald. +You don't know him. I know you. +Knock it off. Now. Tell him about me, Shadow? +Tell him about me, Shadow? Ronald here likes telephones. Used to tape wooden matches to the bell striker and wrap it in cotton. Came up with a whole little thing there, didn't you Ronald? When you got bored, what did you do? You just started making calls... mostly day care centers and retirement homes, wasn't it? +Ronald here likes telephones. Used to tape wooden matches to the bell striker and wrap it in cotton. Came up with a whole little thing there, didn't you Ronald? When you got bored, what did you do? You just started making calls... mostly day care centers and retirement homes, wasn't it? Did he tell you how we finally met? +Did he tell you how we finally met? Nobody cares, Ronald. +Nobody cares, Ronald. Oh, but it's a good story, Shadow. You're depriving our famous young friend here... +Sure Ronald? You're ready alright. Absolutely. +-- Burn them. And old ladies? +And old ladies? -- Burn them. +-- Burn them. And the world -- the whole world. +And the world -- the whole world. -- Burn it all. +Got a cause? Are the glory boys actually showing interest in Investigation's work? I may have a stroke. +Are the glory boys actually showing interest in Investigation's work? I may have a stroke. The glory boys just want to finish their report so they can go home. +I'm working on it. I deal with this stuff every day. But a fireman... you never get used to it. What happened up there? He was a candidate. Did he pay attention? Was he listening? +I deal with this stuff every day. But a fireman... you never get used to it. What happened up there? He was a candidate. Did he pay attention? Was he listening? ...He wasn't listening to the right thing... +...He wasn't listening to the right thing... What do you listen to, Stephen? +What do you listen to, Stephen? You don't know... nobody knows... +You don't know... nobody knows... I might. +It knows us. This one knows us. I need that report, Lt. +Alderman Swayzak. Investigator Rimgale. +Investigator Rimgale. I need to get in the trunk. +Inspector. Alderman. +When are you going to catch the prick that's doing this, Don? """Don?""" +"""Don?""" Don't you have any leads at all? +Don't you have any leads at all? No Marty, I don't. +We still haven't found a connection between the victims. Jesus, open your eyes! Seagrave, Cosgrove, and now Holcomb -- fried in a goddamn high-rise! +Jesus, open your eyes! Seagrave, Cosgrove, and now Holcomb -- fried in a goddamn high-rise! Holcomb? I didn't know the name of that victim had even been released yet. +Is there a connection between them, Alderman? Just catch the son of a bitch. +Mr. Swayzak! How ya doin'? Investigator... +I'm a little busy right now -- This'll only take a minute. There's two cops outside that want to ask you about this -- +I'm gonna need some bread, man. This ain't fair. I'm always here for you, and you can't even take decent care of me. My landlord is bitching like a motherfucker! You're two months behind on the rent, Lieutenant! Didya ever think of moving to a cheaper apartment? $3,500 a month is crazy, man! +Didya ever think of moving to a cheaper apartment? $3,500 a month is crazy, man! It's nothing. This is New York, man... Oh -- I forgot. Bowtay needs some cash to buy her new acting headshots out of the developers. It's a good investment, man. She could make serious money! +Brown Downtown... There hasn't been any smoking brown on the street in -- Who said anything about the fucking street. I've got more connects than you have, Lieutenant... +I can't get over what those guys did to her. I just can't. They're alive, aren't they? Come on, man! Everyone's making such a fucking fuss, just because she's a nun. Just because she wears a penguin suit, the church puts up 50 G for the guys who dared to rape her. Do you think they'd put up a dime if you got raped? Of course not. Or even for your little sister? The virgin? Like shit they would. +They're alive, aren't they? Come on, man! Everyone's making such a fucking fuss, just because she's a nun. Just because she wears a penguin suit, the church puts up 50 G for the guys who dared to rape her. Do you think they'd put up a dime if you got raped? Of course not. Or even for your little sister? The virgin? Like shit they would. Susie's not a virgin anymore. +Susie's not a virgin anymore. She's fucking nine years old! Jesus Christ. +It's horrible. They burned her breasts with cigarettes. Christ. Yeah? At least she's alive! I see people get killed every day! Worse yet, tortured first and then killed! The nuns got off easy. Jeez. Cigarette burns. Everyone's all upset about fucking cigarette burns. I'll show you cigarette burns! +The Church is a fucking racket. I know how they operate. I've been part of the racket since the first time some faggot priest spilt water on my head. My Aunt Lu says I was crying all the way through. Yeah, I know their game inside out. Now I'm free of it and I'm gonna stay that way. I'm not talking about the fucking Church. Fuck the Church. But tell me. Do you believe in God? +I'm not talking about the fucking Church. Fuck the Church. But tell me. Do you believe in God? What's to believe? +What's to believe? That Jesus Christ was the Son of God and he came to die for your sins. +People. You believe that man is the be-all and end-all? +You believe that man is the be-all and end-all? Yeah. +Yeah. OK. OK. Fine. But -- do you believe in God? +It's not the drugs, Ariane, it's -- it's someone who wants to kill me. You gotta believe me! Why? +Christ! Shit! I could kill them all with my bare hands. Who? +Who? Those fucking Mob assholes. +C'mere. You got some good blow, right? Yeah. +Yeah. Then c'mere. I got something for you. +First I'll put your Uptown in the spoon, then, to make it more exciting, I'm gonna add some Downtown. They call this thing a speedball, honey, but then you must know that... First time shooting up? Nah... +Nah... Sure it is. You're a virgin. Just like that nun. And I'm gonna rape you. +Can you believe the nerve of this fucking guy? He kills people for fun, and then, he puts up 100 G to bring in some guys who raped a nun. What a sick fuck. Man... Who? +Who? A wiseguy. Paying 100 Grand for the rapists if I turn then over direct to him. +But you could do it, baby. We could use the bread... You mean you could use it. +I got it, man! I will find those kids. And I'll get the 50 G from the Church! Then the kids'll go to jail. I'll be in charge, of course. After a little while, I'll break the fuckers out -- and I'll turn them in to shithead I was just talking to. And pick up his 100 G. No. I'll hit him up for 200 G. Or 250 G. l can do it -- 'cause I've got the kids. Then, of course, there's the 180 G I'm gonna pick up on the Game tonight -- when the Strawberries win! """The Strawberries""?" +"""The Strawberries""?" The Mets. So anyway, chalk up another 180 G for the Game. Jesus Christ! That's almost half a million dollars. Ariane! Wait. That's not good enough, I'll ask the shithead for 280 G for the kids. Then it'll be a perfect 500 thousand. Yeah. Perfect. 280 G for the kids. Yeah, it's good I prepared, or I wouldn't have thought to -- +How come all those guys who're looking to get 50 from the Church haven't come up with shit? You got some kinda inside track? I'm a Catholic. +You took the chalice. Yes. +Yes. You brought it back to the Church. And then it made it's way back to me, again. +You brought it back to the Church. And then it made it's way back to me, again. Yes. +Are you all right, honey? I was gonna bring it back myself. +So what are you doing here? He wants to know who brought in the chalice. +He wants to know who brought in the chalice. That's no mystery. Julio and Paolo brought it in, You don't want to hurt those boys, do you? I mean, they sure as Hell have got something coming, but it ain't what the Law wants to give them. You understand? No. How could you understand. +That stuff'll kill you quick, man. What the fuck are you? A drug counselor or a drug dealer? And you don't even do your own product! What kind of businessman are you? +What the fuck are you? A drug counselor or a drug dealer? And you don't even do your own product! What kind of businessman are you? The rich kind. Jeez, man. The way you smoke that shit is suicide. +The rich kind. Jeez, man. The way you smoke that shit is suicide. Fuck you. Just give me back a little something for the road. +How are you doing, man? Very good. Very good. The Mets are gonna win tomorrow. +There. Now you've got your profit and more. You'll have more product day after tomorrow, right? Uh - right. Sure. The Mets are gonna win tomorrow. +Uh - right. Sure. The Mets are gonna win tomorrow. I know. Take care of yourself, man, OK? Be cool. +I forgive you. Me? +Me? I forgive you. +I forgive you. You can't forgive me. After what I've done. I've fucked up bigtime. I've been bad. Real bad. +You can't forgive me. After what I've done. I've fucked up bigtime. I've been bad. Real bad. I forgive you. +I forgive you. Please. Please don't forgive me. I've always hated you for that. +I forgive you. Why? Why can't you hate me? Hate me! Please! Help me! Hate me! Help me! Hate me! +Why? Why can't you hate me? Hate me! Please! Help me! Hate me! Help me! Hate me! I forgive you. +I forgive you. Why? Jesus! Why me? Why can't I wash the ashes from my forehead, year after year after year? And why am I still drunk on your blood, the taste of your flesh on my tongue? Worst of all, why can't I feel the nails in my palms, the spear in my side, the crown of thorns round my head? Why do I have to know, over and over, that it was you. You who died; died for my sins! And that I will die for nothing. Why? +I forgive you. Why do I dream every night of the whore who brought you water on your road to death? And why have I never forgotten that if she, then I -- +Oh God, my God. it's goddamn good to be good. Forgive me. Father, for I have sinned. It's still goddamn good to be good. I forgive you. +Large? All right, cop. I want my money. +All right, cop. I want my money. It's still my money. If you want to have a chance at any part of it, shithead, you will take my $120,000 and bet on tomorrow's game. +It's still my money. If you want to have a chance at any part of it, shithead, you will take my $120,000 and bet on tomorrow's game. What about the money you owe me on yesterday's game? +What about the money you owe me on yesterday's game? Fuck yesterday's game. The World Series is seven games not six. Put in my bet. +Fuck yesterday's game. The World Series is seven games not six. Put in my bet. Let me think about it. +Let me think about it. There's nothing to think about. Either you put in my bet or you ain't getting nothing. +Oh, really? Yeah, really. I'm no fucking asshole, man. I'm a fucking cop! +Yeah, really. I'm no fucking asshole, man. I'm a fucking cop! OK, cop. I want you to give yourself and your friends on the force a message. Tell them I've got my own reasons to be very interested in whomever did the job on the nuns. I'll double the Church reward if you bring those punks direct to me. 100 G cash. Get it? +Here's the deal: You meet me tonight across from the Garden. 33rd & 8th. At the beginning of the Ninth Inning. We'll listen to the end of the game together. You bring your cash, I'll bring mine. Yeah, sucker. You better be there! +I got them all going for Oakland. With bullshit money. We'll cover the $800. All right. What are you gonna do? +All right. What are you gonna do? I want 15 on the Mets. +I want 15 on the Mets. How about 7 1/2? +Hey, man. Don't give me that bullshit. Don't pussy-out on me. The Mets are a fucking lock. I wanna make some money. Are you sure? +Are you sure? Yeah. I'm sure. +OK asshole. You owe thirty grand. Now what are you gonna do? I wanna go double or nothing on the next game. +I wanna go double or nothing on the next game. Double or nothing? Are you fucking out of your mind? +Double or nothing? Are you fucking out of your mind? I'm not gonna let that bastard take my money +I'm not gonna let that bastard take my money Take your money? This guy will blow up your house and everyone in it! +Take your money? This guy will blow up your house and everyone in it! There's just no way the Mets will lose this game. Gooden is pitching and Strawberry is ready to break out. +Fuck Strawberry. You're gonna end up owing 60 G to a homicidal maniac! That's my problem. Just put in my bet. +Do you have the money? What money? +What money? Don't bullshit me. +I don't got it. Not tonight. You can't get blood from a stone. This psycho can. +This psycho can. Oooo... Big fucking scary guy. Just put $120,000 on tomorrow's game. +Oooo... Big fucking scary guy. Just put $120,000 on tomorrow's game. You're a fucking joke, you know that? He's been waiting for the money since the fucking game ended. And I've been waiting here since -- forget it. Listen up. You're gonna get us both fucking killed. You know that! +You're a fucking joke, you know that? He's been waiting for the money since the fucking game ended. And I've been waiting here since -- forget it. Listen up. You're gonna get us both fucking killed. You know that! Uh-uh. I'm gonna win. Just make sure the bet gets in. +You do know that he's gonna blow up your house, kill your wife and kids -- Good. I'll give him an extra 10 grand for his trouble. I hate that motherfucking house and -- +Good. I'll give him an extra 10 grand for his trouble. I hate that motherfucking house and -- He's gonna kill you, man. Do you hear me, motherfucker? You. Dead. Get it? +He's gonna kill you, man. Do you hear me, motherfucker? You. Dead. Get it? I've been dodging bullets since I was fourteen. No one can kill me. I'm fucking blessed. I'm fucking Catholic. +How's the case going? What case? +What case? The fucking rapists, man. The punks who raped that nun. The $50,000 reward from the Church! Remember? +The fucking rapists, man. The punks who raped that nun. The $50,000 reward from the Church! Remember? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. We're on it bigtime. Lots of leads. You bet. +Yeah. Sure. Yeah. We're on it bigtime. Lots of leads. You bet. That 50 G could help you -- +Get this, man. I was at the game today. Face to fucking face with Strawberry! Jesus! I saw him strikeout. And you know what? He looked at me, and I looked at him, and he laughed and I laughed and it was like we were all alone in that whole stadium and only we understood that it was all a racket, that he struck out on purpose, and that he's saving it up for the Big One. Tomorrow. Today I understood for the very first time that -- You've really got a problem. +-- that there was never any other way it could have gone. Never any other way. So you had better just put in my fucking bet. $120,000 on the last game. The Big One. Come on! Are you a bookmaker, or fucking what? Here. Look I'll give you the psyho's number You call him yourself and tell him wnat you want. +Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been two days since my last confession. Father, my sin is a terrible sin. A sin of omission. There was another sin that happened at the same time, and in the same place, but my sin I think was graver stil. Sister, we all know what happened to you yesterday morning. I expected that you would want to speak to me about it. But you could have come to my office. Your being here, in the confessional, implies that you, Sister, have done something wrong. You haven't. I assure you. I feared you might have misplaced feelings of guilt. If you condemn yourself because you experienced feelings of... curiosity or even... pleasure, you mustn't -- +Father, if it was so trivial, so natural, so -- No. I have sinned. And you must listen if you are to prescribe an appropriate act of contrition, and to absolve me. Father, what would you do if you had but one day in which to use your arms to serve God? It's funny, you knew. But the first thing I think of is kneading the bread that I help bake for the soup kitchen. Maybe that's because my the muscles in my arms still hurt. +It's funny, you knew. But the first thing I think of is kneading the bread that I help bake for the soup kitchen. Maybe that's because my the muscles in my arms still hurt. I also thought of that bread, Father. And of that night six days ago when the Mother Superior died, and I kept the cool, damp cloth on her forehead freshly moist. Father, what would you do if you had but one day in which to use your legs to serve God? +I also thought of that bread, Father. And of that night six days ago when the Mother Superior died, and I kept the cool, damp cloth on her forehead freshly moist. Father, what would you do if you had but one day in which to use your legs to serve God? I think of running for help, and falling to my knees in prayer. +I think of running for help, and falling to my knees in prayer. As I have prayed day and night since the desecration of this church yesterday morning -- and my sin. You see, Father -- +As I have prayed day and night since the desecration of this church yesterday morning -- and my sin. You see, Father -- Yes, Sister? +Yes, Sister? Yesterday morning, God gave me but one chance to use something else to serve Him. Not my arms or my legs, but something I used for the first time, for the last time, and will never use again. My vagina. +Those boys, those sad, raging boys... They came to me as the needy do. And like many of the needy, they were rude. Like all the needy, they took. And like all the needy, they needed. Father. I knew them; They learn in our school. And play in our schoolyard. And they are good boys. You knew them? Who were they, Sister? Who are these boys? What are the names of these -- good boys you knew? +Yo, Big Black, we needs a name for this joint. How 'bout... +BLAK OUT. BLAK LISTED. BLAK BALL. Need I say more. B-L-A-K it is. +Keep trying. I'm on it. +...Benedict Arnold... ...that simpleton is holding back the race. They got rid of us and keep those two buffoons, Mantan and Sleep 'N Eat, y'knowwhatI'msayin'? +Same thing, y'knowwhatI'msayin', y'knowwhatI'msayin'! We know. We know. Yo, check it, my black brothers, we can't let this slide. Not this injustice. Nah, no way. Dem' two real coons iz ill. +We know. We know. Yo, check it, my black brothers, we can't let this slide. Not this injustice. Nah, no way. Dem' two real coons iz ill. 1/16, tru' 'dat. True 'dat. +He gots to be did. Did he gots to be. +You truly are a dancing fool. Yo Black, you looking for trouble. +Everybody say Ho! Ho! +Ho! That'swhatI'mtalkin'bout! That'swhatI'mtalkin'bout! I want to be the first to welcome you to the second taping of Mantan - The New Millennium Minstrel Show. +My name is Honeycutt and I want to try something different. Can you do this for me? Yeah! +Yeah! I'm gonna start a chant and I want y'all to follow me. Let's make our own 2 real coons know you're ready to start the show. +C'mon. It's easy. It's the same thing y'all do out at the Yankee game, no different 'cept we changing one word. Everybody go it? YEAH! +YEAH! Alright. Here we go. Let's go NIGGERS! LET'S GO NIGGERS! +Alright. Here we go. Let's go NIGGERS! LET'S GO NIGGERS! Let's go NIGGERS. +Let's go niggers! Louder. They can't hear you. +You idiot. You almost gave me a massive coronary. I didn't mean to scare you like that. +I didn't mean to scare you like that. Well you did. +Well you did. Give me some? +Give me some? I'm not huggin' you in the middle of the street. You must be crazy, Julius. +I'm not huggin' you in the middle of the street. You must be crazy, Julius. Whoa, hold up li'l sis'. I done told you 'bout that. Julius ain't my name, you better recognize Hopkins was our slave name. My true name is... +Whoa, hold up li'l sis'. I done told you 'bout that. Julius ain't my name, you better recognize Hopkins was our slave name. My true name is... I'm not callin you Big Black Africa. Mommy and Daddy named you Julius. +I'm not callin you Big Black Africa. Mommy and Daddy named you Julius. BIG BLACK is the first name and AFRICA is the last. +Damn, Sis, you don't keep no food up in here in dis' piece. I order out mostly. So what do I owe this visit to? +My group we need some exposure. Was wondering if you could hook a brother up? Hook you up? The Mau-Mau's? You must be smoking. Why in the world would I want to hook up a bunch of red, black and green flag-waving pseudo revolutionairies? +Hook you up? The Mau-Mau's? You must be smoking. Why in the world would I want to hook up a bunch of red, black and green flag-waving pseudo revolutionairies? So now I see where you're coming from. Just because we ain't rapping about Gucci, Timberland, Rolex, Benz, Cristal, ho's and bitches, we're pseudo. +So now I see where you're coming from. Just because we ain't rapping about Gucci, Timberland, Rolex, Benz, Cristal, ho's and bitches, we're pseudo. Who are you revolting against? +Who are you revolting against? We're revolting against the powers that be, that been enslaving the minds and hearts of all people of color. And we won't stop rapping till we bring about the overthrow of the government of the U.S. of A. +We're revolting against the powers that be, that been enslaving the minds and hearts of all people of color. And we won't stop rapping till we bring about the overthrow of the government of the U.S. of A. Please. +Please. If you were really down you would get us together with that boss of yours. What's his name again? +If you were really down you would get us together with that boss of yours. What's his name again? Delacroix. +Delacroix. Yeah, him. +Yeah, him. What makes you think he would write a show about the Mau-Mau's. +What makes you think he would write a show about the Mau-Mau's. C'mon, why not? The Monkees had a show. Look at all that other junk that's on TV. We got underground cult following. +You don't have the demographics. So are you telling me that you wouldn't even introduce me to Delacroix or set up a meeting? I'm talking 'bout me, your only brother, ya own flesh and blood, hook a brother up, youknowwhatI'msayin'. +So are you telling me that you wouldn't even introduce me to Delacroix or set up a meeting? I'm talking 'bout me, your only brother, ya own flesh and blood, hook a brother up, youknowwhatI'msayin'. That'swhatI'msayin'. I'm not blowin' my young career, brother or no brother, for you or anybody else. +That'swhatI'msayin'. I'm not blowin' my young career, brother or no brother, for you or anybody else. There is a name, a term for your kind, the likes of you. Back in slavery days, you would be classified as a house nigga. +There is a name, a term for your kind, the likes of you. Back in slavery days, you would be classified as a house nigga. If you think I'm a house nigga then that's your prerogative. You got your ways to affect change, I have mine. And I would appreciate it very much if you took ya field nigga ass out of my house. +If you think I'm a house nigga then that's your prerogative. You got your ways to affect change, I have mine. And I would appreciate it very much if you took ya field nigga ass out of my house. My own sister throwin' me out. I hope to seeya later when you get ya mind right. Don't bother letting me out. +My own sister throwin' me out. I hope to seeya later when you get ya mind right. Don't bother letting me out. That's mighty black of you. +The Mau-Mau's are up in dis place. That's right, the Mau-Mau's. What's your name? +What's your name? My righteous name is BIG BLACK. +My righteous name is BIG BLACK. And what are the Mau-Mau's going to do for us today? +And what are the Mau-Mau's going to do for us today? We gonna drop some knowledge, wisdom and understanding. The Mau- Mau's, we be scientists. We drop science. +We're ready when you are. Microphone check. One. Two. One. Two. One. Two. Hold up. I gots to give my peeps some props. Brothers introduce yourself. +Our first caller is Big Black from Brooklyn. Go 'head. Microphone check, one, two. One, two. Yo Tavis, I be lovin' yo show but Mantan you is foul. Why you perpetrating? You a sellout. +And Big Black from Brooklyn, what do you do? What do I do? +What do I do? What do you do? +What do you do? I'm a revolutionary. +And another thing, you better stay away from my sister or you better... Ladies and gentlemen, there is no need to go there. We can all agree to disagree without making threats. +Life is beginning to look up. It's all good in da neighborhood. You might be right. +You might be right. Why are you smiling so? +I'm not smiling. Naw, not you. It can't be. That hottie Sloan Hopkins. +Naw, not you. It can't be. That hottie Sloan Hopkins. It's that bad, huh? It's all over my face. +It's that bad, huh? It's all over my face. No shame in ya game. She got ya nostrils, ya chnoz is wide open. Sloan's what we certified ladies' men call low hanging fruit. +No shame in ya game. She got ya nostrils, ya chnoz is wide open. Sloan's what we certified ladies' men call low hanging fruit. Certified ladies' man, huh? +Certified ladies' man, huh? She's also moorish. +What's that? Moorish. Ya get a little taste of dat booty, ya wanna get some MORE. +Moorish. Ya get a little taste of dat booty, ya wanna get some MORE. Seconds and thirds, too. +Seconds and thirds, too. Sloan is all 'dat. I try her. I'm a tri-sexual. +Sloan is all 'dat. I try her. I'm a tri-sexual. You'd try anything. I got first dibs. You get ya own stuff. +You'd try anything. I got first dibs. You get ya own stuff. Naw, just jokin'. That's you. That's you. +DeLa - what's the matter with you. You ain't happy about the green light? +What's wrong with him? Must be the pressure. +Please, have a seat. Sloan never told us she had friends like you. +Sloan never told us she had friends like you. In fact, we never knew she had any friends period. +Why they gotta make my nose so big? Look at my lips. +I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid. What are you talkin' about? +What are you talkin' about? Jim Jones, y'know. I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid. +Jim Jones, y'know. I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid. Meaning? +Meaning? I'm out. +I'm out. Good. I've got a broken back from carrying you all these years anyway. +Good. I've got a broken back from carrying you all these years anyway. So that's what you been doing? +So that's what you been doing? Damn skippy. +Damn skippy. You're in this up till ya neck. +You're in this up till ya neck. Don't shoot me, I'm just the piano players. +Don't shoot me, I'm just the piano players. You can walk away. We both can. +You can walk away. We both can. Yeah, that's easy for you to do. You never had any talent. +Yeah, that's easy for you to do. You never had any talent. I'm so tired of you running that. I always worked hard for you. You think I'm a leech, a kling-on, I quit. +Good morning, Cheeba. Good morning to you, Mr. Delapot. +Good morning to you, Mr. Delapot. De-la-croix. +De-la-croix. Y'know what I mean. Got a gig yet for Manray and I yet? +Sloan and I have been looking all over for you. You'd take no offense if we called you DeLa for short? +You'd take no offense if we called you DeLa for short? No offense. +No offense. Manray needs a job. +I have this concept for a TV pilot. There's no guarantee it will get made but regardless, you'll still make some money. How much? +How much? First things first. I have to know if Manray is up for this. +What kind of show is this gonna be? Different. +What about in the mean time? Not the in between time? You'll both get an advance and you can stay with me. +Nice to meet you. And this is Manray. +Gentlemen, the show, our show will be satirical. You know what that is, don't you? Trust me on this one. We might need some mo' money behind this. +We might need some mo' money behind this. That can be done. +I'm starvin' like Marvin. My world famous, famous world Arroz con pollo will be ready very soon. +My world famous, famous world Arroz con pollo will be ready very soon. Hurry up, I wanna watch HBO. +Hurry up, I wanna watch HBO. Did we get our bill yet? +Ahh, the luxuries of life. Yo, check it. This is good and all that but one day soon I want to have much Benjamins so I can have a nice crib and pay all my bills. You hear me. +Yo, check it. This is good and all that but one day soon I want to have much Benjamins so I can have a nice crib and pay all my bills. You hear me. Chill, I'm the brains behind this outfit. +Chill, I'm the brains behind this outfit. And I'm the feet. +And I'm the feet. Yo, you gotta show some patience. You want me to snap my fingers and presto chango - you're an overnight sensation. Son, there is no such thing. +Yo, you gotta show some patience. You want me to snap my fingers and presto chango - you're an overnight sensation. Son, there is no such thing. I'm tired of waiting. +We ran out without my shoes and the floor. I gotta get my stuff. What about our savings? Are you crazy? The joint is crawling with cops now. You wanna go to Rikers? Go to the hoosegow? +We got evicted from our home. We've both been on the streets for the last week. We was coming to see you. +We was coming to see you. If it's not too much trouble could you order us some food? +If it's not too much trouble could you order us some food? We're starving. +That ain't funny. DeLa, I don't know 'bout this. +Manray, Sloan says you're too talented to be dancing on the street. Well do something about it. +My tap shoes. EUREKA!! +What do I have to do? Some tap dancing, some singing. +Some tap dancing, some singing. Where do I sign? +How different? Trust me. Of course I still have to pitch it to my boss, but we'll have an answer one way or the other. +Trust me. Of course I still have to pitch it to my boss, but we'll have an answer one way or the other. DeLa, I'm aboard. As long as I get to hoof and get paid too!!! +DeLa, I'm aboard. As long as I get to hoof and get paid too!!! That's right. Money turns the wheel. +I would like to change your name. To what? +To what? You're now Mantan. +You're now Mantan. Mantan? I don't even care as long as I'm dancing. Which reminds me, I need some new kicks. +I want you to start using the name Mantan and not Manray if you don't mind. Why? +Why? You have to start getting into your character. +Mantan? Mantan!! +I'm not playin' myself no mo'. How you sound? +How you sound? I won't do it anymore. +I won't do it anymore. Manray, I'm very sorry about ya boy Cheeba and Sloan. Believe me, it gave me no joy pulling ya coattail about her, just lookin' out for a brother. I feel you, all this stuff happenin' at once but you can't let if affect your work. You gotta be professional. +Manray, I'm very sorry about ya boy Cheeba and Sloan. Believe me, it gave me no joy pulling ya coattail about her, just lookin' out for a brother. I feel you, all this stuff happenin' at once but you can't let if affect your work. You gotta be professional. I'm always gonna be that. But I ain't doing no more buck dancing. +I'm always gonna be that. But I ain't doing no more buck dancing. No costume. No blackface. +Our guest today is Pierre Delacroix. He is the creator of the highly controversial TV show MANTAN. Let's get right into it. You have been called by some in the community a traitor, a sellout, an Uncle Tom. Why does your show generate such feelings? Because race has always been a sensitive issue in this country. Gary, I have no problem with people disagreeing with the show, it's when folks start trying to mess with my inherent right as an artist, that's when I get mad. No one, in any way, shape or form should be censored. +Because race has always been a sensitive issue in this country. Gary, I have no problem with people disagreeing with the show, it's when folks start trying to mess with my inherent right as an artist, that's when I get mad. No one, in any way, shape or form should be censored. No matter how sexist or racist the material may be? +No matter how sexist or racist the material may be? Yes. And I say yes because who is to judge? Who is to stand before us and say this is righteous and this is not? Who? Who can play God? +Yes. And I say yes because who is to judge? Who is to stand before us and say this is righteous and this is not? Who? Who can play God? But the line has to be drawn. +But the line has to be drawn. Don't you people get it? We're in the 21st Century. Slavery was over four hundred years ago. All that stuff people talked in the old days, it's over. Folks always crying, white man this, white man that. Let's all grow up. +Don't you people get it? We're in the 21st Century. Slavery was over four hundred years ago. All that stuff people talked in the old days, it's over. Folks always crying, white man this, white man that. Let's all grow up. Are you trying to excuse our Holocaust? +Are you trying to excuse our Holocaust? Can I finish? Thank you. I had a great Aunt, we called her Sister. She went to her grave not believing man had walked on the Moon. +...exactly thirty-two minutes ago. I'm sorry I'm late. +I'm sorry I'm late. Do you know how much information can be dispensed in one minute alone? +Do you know how much information can be dispensed in one minute alone? I didn't find out about this very important staff meeting until... +Four minutes ago. So are you telling me everyone knew about this get-together except you? +So are you telling me everyone knew about this get-together except you? I wasn't told about this until Marie informed me as soon as I got off the elevator. +Do you know what C.P. Time is? C.P. Time is Colored People's Time. The stereotypical belief that Negroes are always late. That Negroes have no sense of time - time except when it comes to music or dance. +I'm sorry about my blowup but I have to have a whipping boy every meeting. I understand. But again, in all honesty I was not informed. +I understand. But again, in all honesty I was not informed. Forget it. I believe you're my most creative person I've got on staff. You're hip. You know what's happening. I got some corny white boys and girls writing for me. +"I understand Black culture. I grew up around black people all my life. If the truth be told I probably know ""niggers"" better than you, Monsieur Delacroix. Please don't get offended by my use of the quote-unquote N word. I got a black wife and three bi-racial children, so I feel I have a right to use that word. I don't give a damn what Spike says, Tarantino is right. Nigger is just a word. If Dirty Ole Bastard can use it every other word so can I." I would prefer you not use that word in my presence. +I would prefer you not use that word in my presence. NIGGER. NIGGER. NIGGER. NIGGER. +The material you've been creating is too white bread. White people with black faces. The Huxtable's, Cosby, revolutionary. But that's dead. We can't go down that road again. I don't agree. The Negro middle class does exist, and it's rich material for a dramatic series or sitcom. +I don't agree. The Negro middle class does exist, and it's rich material for a dramatic series or sitcom. I'm telling you it's not. +The middle class black family moves into a white suburban enclave. The middle class black family moves into a small Southern town that is run by the KKK. The middle class single black father raises his teenage daughter. The middle class single black father raises his teenage daughter. The middle class single black mother raises her teenage son. And so on and so forth. It's too clean, too antiseptic... ...to white? I still feel all of my scripts would make good shows. +Delacroix, wake up, brother man. The reason why they didn't get picked up was because nobody - and I mean NOBODY - niggers and crackers alike wants to see that junk. I've never been given a fair shot. +I've never been given a fair shot. You got your head stuck up your ass with your Harvard education and your pretentious ways. Brother man, I'm blacker than you. I'm keepin' it real and you're frontin', trying to be white. +You got your head stuck up your ass with your Harvard education and your pretentious ways. Brother man, I'm blacker than you. I'm keepin' it real and you're frontin', trying to be white. "I'm an oreo, a sell out? Because I don't aspire to do HOMEBOYS FROM OUT OF SPACE, SECRET DIARY OF DESMOND PFEIFFER, A PJ's or some as you might put it, some ""nigger"" show? I'm a Tom? I'm whiter than white and you're blacker than black? Is that what you think?" +"I'm an oreo, a sell out? Because I don't aspire to do HOMEBOYS FROM OUT OF SPACE, SECRET DIARY OF DESMOND PFEIFFER, A PJ's or some as you might put it, some ""nigger"" show? I'm a Tom? I'm whiter than white and you're blacker than black? Is that what you think?" "That's exactly what I think. I want you to create something that people want to see. Let's be honest, the majority of the people in the country are deaf, dumb and blind and I'm including 35 million African-Americans. You know and I know ""niggers"" set the trend, set the styles. This is a golden opportunity now. These idiots have to be led to the water." +"That's exactly what I think. I want you to create something that people want to see. Let's be honest, the majority of the people in the country are deaf, dumb and blind and I'm including 35 million African-Americans. You know and I know ""niggers"" set the trend, set the styles. This is a golden opportunity now. These idiots have to be led to the water." I'm not sure if I can deliver what you want. +I'm not sure if I can deliver what you want. You will or you'll be back at BET so quick you'll never know what hit you. I need a mid-season replacement and pronto. It will be on the fast track. +What is it you want from me? Some plantation follies? Some sitcom that takes place on a watermelon patch? Some show that follows four nigger generations of junkies and crackheads? You want me to go back to the ante bellum days? Yes! Yes! Yes! I want a show that will make headlines, that will have millions and millions of households tuned in, glued to their televisions every week. I want advertisers dying to buy on this show. I'm gonna squeeze this show out of you if it kills you. +Delacroix, I'm glad you got your mind right. It's right and tight. Good morning, let me introduce you to everybody. You know my assistant, Sloan. +We're all happy to be here and I'm going to paint a picture for you. I'm wid it. +I'm wid it. I've done a lot of soul searching and once again you are right. In my previous work it's been all surface, superficial. I have never really dug deep. Not anymore. As Mark Twain fully understood satire is the way. Race has always been a hot button in this country's history and it needs to be pushed harder. If we are ever to live side by side in peace and harmony. It's about promoting racial healing. +I've done a lot of soul searching and once again you are right. In my previous work it's been all surface, superficial. I have never really dug deep. Not anymore. As Mark Twain fully understood satire is the way. Race has always been a hot button in this country's history and it needs to be pushed harder. If we are ever to live side by side in peace and harmony. It's about promoting racial healing. Go on. Good so far. +Go on. Good so far. I know you're familiar with minstrel shows. They came about at the turn of the 19th century. It was a variety show in which the talent was in blackface - singing, dancing, telling jokes, doing skits. Dunwitty, I ask you when was the last time there was a good variety show on the air. Carol Burnett? HeeHaw? +Word!!! So let's take this great form, this very American tradition of entertainment into the 21st century, into the new millennium. +So let's take this great form, this very American tradition of entertainment into the 21st century, into the new millennium. The name of the show? +The name of the show? It is called: MANTAN - THE NEW MILLENNIUM MINSTREL SHOW. +It is called: MANTAN - THE NEW MILLENNIUM MINSTREL SHOW. I'm lovin' it. You know how I know? Because I'm getting a boner, my Johnson is hard, no disrespect my sister. +I'm feelin' dis'! It will take a lot of courage and backbone on the part of the CNS to get this on the air. In fact, I would understand fully if the subject matter is deemed too risque, too controversial. +It will take a lot of courage and backbone on the part of the CNS to get this on the air. In fact, I would understand fully if the subject matter is deemed too risque, too controversial. Don't worry about that, that's my department. Now who do we cast? We need a star. Can Whoopi sing or dance? +Don't worry about that, that's my department. Now who do we cast? We need a star. Can Whoopi sing or dance? I don't know if Whoopi is the way to go. +I don't know if Whoopi is the way to go. Are these our two stars, sitting here in front of my nose? Which one is Mantan again? +That's a great handle. Mantan and Sleep 'n Eat. Two real coons. I know we're way out there but it's satire. +Mantan and Sleep 'n Eat. Two real coons. I know we're way out there but it's satire. I want you take it there. All the way to the edge and back. +Every week we follow the trials and tribulations of two real coons - Mantan and Sleep 'n Eat. The Dusky Duo. What are there character traits? +What are there character traits? Ignorant, dullwitted, lazy, and unlucky. +Ignorant, dullwitted, lazy, and unlucky. Exactly! +Exactly! Mantan is an uneducated Negro who always by some stroke of unbelievable stupidity makes his best laid plans go haywire. +Mantan is an uneducated Negro who always by some stroke of unbelievable stupidity makes his best laid plans go haywire. And Sleep 'n Eat is his comical sidekick? +And Sleep 'n Eat is his comical sidekick? Yep, you guessed it. +Yep, you guessed it. "This could be bigger than ""Amos and Andy.""" +"Protest finally forced ""Amos and Andy"" off the air. Could stop us from ever getting on." Let'em try. I will kill to make this happen. +Negroes would be in an uproar. So what. We would just give the NAACP a donation that would be the end of that. No such thing as bad publicity. So what. Earlier you said singing and dancing. +So what. We would just give the NAACP a donation that would be the end of that. No such thing as bad publicity. So what. Earlier you said singing and dancing. Mantan right here is a gifted hoofer. He has educated feet. +Mantan right here is a gifted hoofer. He has educated feet. Who are the other characters? +Who are the other characters? Do we have characters? How about Honeycutt, Snowflake, Rastus, Nigger, Jim, Sambo, Jungle Bunny, and how could we forget Aunt Jemima. +We gonna hit 'em wid da BOMB DICKEY on dis' one. What's the setting? "In the projects. Like Eddie Murphy's ""The PJ's.""" +"In the projects. Like Eddie Murphy's ""The PJ's.""" Ya first bad move. Projects been done. That's one of the problems now, everything, movies, TV, are set in the urban jungle, da hood. That's so tired. Mantan's Millennium Minstrel Show should be set on a plantation. In Alabama. +And every week these Alabama porch monkeys will make us cry, make us laugh, make us look at our own humanity. Make us feel good to be alive. I don't know about that plantation angle. +I don't know about that plantation angle. What are you talkin' 'bout? It's the move. Stay wid me now. We're movin' fast. What does everybody else think about this? +That'swhatI'mtalkin''bout. That'swhatI'mtalkin''bout! He's off the hiz-hook! We think so. +We think so. Sleep 'n Eat, what do you do? +"I strongly feel that a Negro should direct this. This kind of satire is a high wire act in a gale storm. One misstep and we're doing ""Amos and Andy."" Only a Negro will have the sensitivity and cultural awareness to navigate this dangerous terrain." To hire someone solely on their ethnicity, gender or religion is not right. It's un-American. I will hire someone who is most qualified for this particular job. +I was hoping to perhaps direct some episodes myself, if not the pilot soon after. I want a hot, young white director. Maybe the kid, that pheenom who just did that hot new sexy Madonna video. +I want a hot, young white director. Maybe the kid, that pheenom who just did that hot new sexy Madonna video. You're telling me some white boy is gonna direct this pilot? +You're telling me some white boy is gonna direct this pilot? I just want you to meet him. Keep an open mind. +I just want you to meet him. Keep an open mind. Besides, what does he know about Negroes? +Besides, what does he know about Negroes? Probably nuthin', but that's why it's such a sexy way to go. Sometimes an outsider has a fresh new outlook, a different unique perspective. A black director, y'know what he's gonna do given the subject matter? With this kid, the possibilities are endless. +Probably nuthin', but that's why it's such a sexy way to go. Sometimes an outsider has a fresh new outlook, a different unique perspective. A black director, y'know what he's gonna do given the subject matter? With this kid, the possibilities are endless. What are his qualifications besides being a white male and directing a hot new sexy freaky Madonna video? +What are his qualifications besides being a white male and directing a hot new sexy freaky Madonna video? "If Spielburg can direct ""The Color Purple"" and ""Amistad"", our whiz kid can direct the Mantan pilot." +"If Spielburg can direct ""The Color Purple"" and ""Amistad"", our whiz kid can direct the Mantan pilot." That's exactly my point. Has he even directed actors before in anything? +That's exactly my point. Has he even directed actors before in anything? No!!! Just meet the guy. That's all I'm asking. Look, I'll even let you choose your own musical director. You can have that. +In the immortal words of Derrick Coleman, WHOOOPDEEDAMNDOO!!! Derrick Coleman, he possessed all the talent in the world, coulda, shoulda, been a great ballplayer but alas D.C. didn't want it bad enough. Delacroix, do you want it? Bad enough to kill for it? Do you want it that much. +I'm gonna leave you two creative geniuses alone. Dunwitty, don't leave. +I will not be held responsible for these revisions. These changes are not the way I want to go. This is an outrage. This is a sham. A violation! Calm down, please. +I don't give a good goddamn about Finland, Norway, Sweden or wherever ya blond ass came from. We just punched it up a bit. Made it funnier. +We just punched it up a bit. Made it funnier. Funnier to who and at who's expense? Dunwitty, when Negroes start to run amok, the boycotts, when the demostrations commence, I'm giving them your home address. Let's see how you like it when they picket your lawn in Greenwich, Connecticut. +Funnier to who and at who's expense? Dunwitty, when Negroes start to run amok, the boycotts, when the demostrations commence, I'm giving them your home address. Let's see how you like it when they picket your lawn in Greenwich, Connecticut. I seriously doubt that will ever happen. Didn't I tell you I know your people better than you do. But if by some miracle you're correct, I'm gonna invite them inside my house and we'll have a sit down, discuss it like civil human beings. +Yo, DeLa, I just got the news from the CNS brass. They saw some clips from the pilot and they're rushing it onto the air. Yo, we're a midseason replacement, ordered 12 shows. We're on in 3 weeks. Didya hear what I just said, Yo? They didn't even view a rough cut, just some scenes we quickly cut together. +They didn't even view a rough cut, just some scenes we quickly cut together. This has to be a big mistake. +This has to be a big mistake. The big mistake was my not believing in your genius earlier. From the gitgo, from jump street. +The big mistake was my not believing in your genius earlier. From the gitgo, from jump street. Hold on a sec, I got a call. +Hold on a sec, I got a call. Hello, Mommy, let me get rid of this other call. +Hello, Mommy, let me get rid of this other call. I gots to go, it's my Moms. +I gots to go, it's my Moms. I want to meet her one day, please tell her the great news. I'm OUT like Vanilla Ice. +What do you want? I want to speak with you. +I want to speak with you. Go away, unless you got my money. +Go away, unless you got my money. It's me, Peerless. +Son. Good to seeya. Good to seeya. It's been a long time. +It's been a long time. Pull up a chair. Oh, excuse me, this is my lady DOT. +Pull up a chair. Oh, excuse me, this is my lady DOT. Pleased to meet you. +Good woman. I trained her right. Daddy, she's younger than me. +Daddy, she's younger than me. My game is still strong. No Viagra for me, don't need no chemicals. Just my tonic. +Purely for medicinal purposes. I thought you had promised Mommy you stopped. +I did. I'm not an alcoholic. I just like to drink. How did you end up here? +How did you end up here? How did I end up at the third rate chittlin' circuit greasy hole in the wall in West Hell, Virginny? Is that what you're asking ya Daddy? +That's what I'm askin'. Because I had too much pride. Too much integrity. I wouldn't lick nobody's butt. Some material I refused to do. +Because I had too much pride. Too much integrity. I wouldn't lick nobody's butt. Some material I refused to do. Daddy, it can't be just because of that. There had to be other factors. +That's the only reason, period. They only want one certain kind of black comic. Another one of your conspiracies to hold ya career back? +Another one of your conspiracies to hold ya career back? "All I know is what happened to me. All that other mess I just file into the ""life's too short"" category." +Enough about me, what's happening with you? The same old, same old. Trying to get my stuff through. +Dem white boys giving you a hard time? Nuthin' I can't handle. +Nuthin' I can't handle. The truth is never let them seeya sweat. You do that, that's half the battle. +The truth is never let them seeya sweat. You do that, that's half the battle. Where do you go from here? +Where do you go from here? Three nights Charleston, South Carolina. +Three nights Charleston, South Carolina. I didn't mean that, in life. +I didn't mean that, in life. In life? I'ma keep on living, having a good drink, got me a good young woman, make a couple of dollars and make people laugh. Haven't I always tol' you all nigga's are entertainers? The question is what are you gonna do, Peerless? +Let's get him over to the bed. Baby, you treat me so good. Peerless, you're a good son, I love you. You never gave me no trouble. +I love you too, Daddy. Always keep 'em laughing. +Glad to meet you, too. You are all your father talks about. Is that so? +How long has my father been like this? Not that often. He was excited to see you. +Not that often. He was excited to see you. So he drank himself into a stuper? +So he drank himself into a stuper? The drinking is for the pain. It doesn't kill it, just dulls it. +The drinking is for the pain. It doesn't kill it, just dulls it. So what's up with you? +So what's up with you? I was a hostess at this club, your Daddy was performing and I had never laughed so hard in my life. He asked me to come with him. I quit my job and we've been together ever since. +Don't tell him it's from me or he won't take it. Your father is proud of you. +He never showed it. He did the best way he knew how, Junebug is stubborn just like you. +How was it? Why didn't you tell me about this staff meeting? +Why didn't you tell me about this staff meeting? Nobody told me anything. +Nobody told me anything. What good are you if you don't tell me stuff like this? +What good are you if you don't tell me stuff like this? It wasn't my fault. If I would have known, I would have known. +Manray! Manray! +How did you know? It hit me like a ton of bricks. +It hit me like a ton of bricks. How can this be? You and me at the same time, the exact same thought. It's scary. +How can this be? You and me at the same time, the exact same thought. It's scary. The idea was out there in the universe. Now what? +Manray was under our nose the whole time. Do you know how you will use him? +Do you know how you will use him? Not yet, but this thing will never get made. +You lost me. Dunwitty wants a Coon show. And that's what I'm going to give him, it's going to be so racist, so negative, he won't have the balls to put it on the air. Hence I'll prove my point. +Dunwitty wants a Coon show. And that's what I'm going to give him, it's going to be so racist, so negative, he won't have the balls to put it on the air. Hence I'll prove my point. What point is that? +What point is that? The point being that him, the networks don't want Black people on television unless they are buffoons. +The point being that him, the networks don't want Black people on television unless they are buffoons. Sounds risky to me. +Sounds risky to me. You getting cold feet? +You getting cold feet? I'm in till the end. +I'm in till the end. Good. I'm going to need your support. +Good. I'm going to need your support. Can't you just quit? Walk away? +Can't you just quit? Walk away? And lose out on my money? The only way I get paid is if I get fired. And that's what I intend to do. +Maybe something happened to them. Maybe they're lying in an alley bleed to death. Manray better not be bleeding to death. I need him. After we're done he can do whatever he wants to do, until then, he's ours. +Hello. This is Cheeba. +You okay? I feel like somebody hit me upside da head with a sledgehammer. +What is your problem? My problem is MANTAN THE NEW MILLENIUM MINSTREL SHOW. +My problem is MANTAN THE NEW MILLENIUM MINSTREL SHOW. Why did you even come up with that shit if you didn't want it made? +Why did you even come up with that shit if you didn't want it made? It was the principle. Dunwitty had to be enlightened. I was making a point. I take pride in my work. Plus, I already told you I wasn't gonna walk away from my money. +It was the principle. Dunwitty had to be enlightened. I was making a point. I take pride in my work. Plus, I already told you I wasn't gonna walk away from my money. Fuck da money. Why do through all this effort? Why? Are you looking for love from Dunwitty? For respect? Dunwitty and his likes don't give a goddamn about you. So now what are you gonna do? +Even if money wasn't an issue, Dunwitty will still go ahead without me and that could be more dangerous. What's the chances of MANTAN being picked up? +What's the chances of MANTAN being picked up? I wouldn't bet against it. My Negroidal ass is stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. +I wouldn't bet against it. My Negroidal ass is stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Like I said, all this for some twisted, distorted sense of principal. Dunwitty, he just tolerates your Negroidal ass, he doesn't respect it. +Good morning, for those of you who don't know me, I'm Pierre Delacroix. I'm running things and this here is my assistant Sloan Hopkins. Hello. +Hello. I've never worked with any of you and you've never worked with me so we'll be starting from scratch. I'm a fair person, a straight shooter and I don't hold my tongue. Everybody up in here should know I had nothing to do with you being hired. +This is the group I was telling you about. Which one is your brother? +Which one is your brother? The big one. +You've said that already. I'm gonna slit my wrists. Cut my throat. For the love of Joseph. +Just want to say good luck. Break a leg. +Your life will never be the same. Let's leave the man in peace so he can get ready. +Let's leave the man in peace so he can get ready. We both lied to him. +We both lied to him. What do you want me to say? +What do you want me to say? Just don't lie to me. +Same here. The pleasure is mine. +I want to apologize about my brother and the Mau-Mau's. I should not have imposed them on you. C'mon. You were only doing what family is supposed to be doing for family. You gave your brother a shot. That's all anybody can ask for, an opportunity, a chance, a shot. He got his. +Who's side are you on? I'm sorry, I can't help it. It's too funny. +What would their reaction be? I hadn't the foggiest. Everybody shut up. +So you have your small victory, now what? A small victory isn't that small when you've been use to losing. +What is this? A gift. +A gift. For what? +For what? No matter what you think, you did come up with something unique. Open it. +The Jolly Nigger Bank. This is authentic, not a repro, circa turn of the century. +This is authentic, not a repro, circa turn of the century. Thanks. +Thanks. I thought it was appropiate. +I thought it was appropiate. Is that good or bad? +Is that good or bad? It's all good. You got a hit show, you're gonna need a bank. Plus, I love these old black collectibles. +It's all good. You got a hit show, you're gonna need a bank. Plus, I love these old black collectibles. How so? +How so? To me, it shows part of our history in this country, a time when we were considered inferior, sub-human. +Why'd you do that? I don't want to hear it. +I don't want to hear it. How long have you and Hambone been hangin' out? +How long have you and Hambone been hangin' out? You're the one that put us together. We're friends. +You're the one that put us together. We're friends. That crazy brother of yours doesn't think so. +That crazy brother of yours doesn't think so. He's just playing big brother. +He's just playing big brother. Oh, is he? You getting jiggy with Mantan? +Oh, is he? You getting jiggy with Mantan? Please don't go there. +Please don't go there. Dunwitty and I feel you've been getting too close to him, getting his mind all messed up. +Dunwitty and I feel you've been getting too close to him, getting his mind all messed up. I can't lie to him. If he asks me something, I tell him what I think. +I can't lie to him. If he asks me something, I tell him what I think. Do you have to be so damn forthright? +DeLa, you should try it sometime. Come into the light. Light? +Light? That which has been hidden in darkness is now in the light. This bucket of blood. +That which has been hidden in darkness is now in the light. This bucket of blood. You can talk all that mumbo jumbo if you want to but your hands are much bloody. I know where I made my big mistake. I have a general rule, never get involved romantically with somebody crazier than you. +This is crazy. That's why it will be so much fun. +That was a mistake, but I don't regret it. The first and only time. A big mistake. I'm gonna have to ask you not to see Mantan anymore. +The first and only time. A big mistake. I'm gonna have to ask you not to see Mantan anymore. Work related or otherwise? +Otherwise. I trust you know the difference. You're an intelligent woman, finished at NYU. DeLa, kiss my big black ass. +DeLa, kiss my big black ass. And that's how you got me in the first place. +Don't make me have to use this. I didn't think this was in your studies at NYU. +I told you but you wouldn't listen. You never listened to me. Give me the gun. +Yes, your name? He, I'm Mona. +He, I'm Mona. Hi, Mona. +Hi, Mona. I perfectly understand where you're coming from. As a minority I can relate to your struggle also. But I think you should give us all a chance. We want this pilot to be successful just as much as you. Please don't be so quick to judge us based only on our whiteness. +I perfectly understand where you're coming from. As a minority I can relate to your struggle also. But I think you should give us all a chance. We want this pilot to be successful just as much as you. Please don't be so quick to judge us based only on our whiteness. Oh, is that what I'm doing? +This thing was rigged, the deck was stacked, the fix was in. Could Don King be near? Good thing Sloan had my back. She's my rock. This was going to be a whole lot of work. David, I appreciate your comments. Anybody got an ideas? Everybody just talk out loud. +David, I appreciate your comments. Anybody got an ideas? Everybody just talk out loud. "I've always liked the format of Rowan and Martin's ""LAUGH-IN.""" +I'm happy for all of us. It's just we have a great responsibility now. The pressure is on. Pressure? DeLa, you don't know what the hell real pressure is. SHEEETT!!! This is lightstuff. Now when you scramblin' out on the street in da January winter and the hawk is talkin' to you with NO money and NO prospects of money anytime soon, now that there is some pressure. +Pressure? DeLa, you don't know what the hell real pressure is. SHEEETT!!! This is lightstuff. Now when you scramblin' out on the street in da January winter and the hawk is talkin' to you with NO money and NO prospects of money anytime soon, now that there is some pressure. I didn't mean it to sound like that. +That's the way it came out. Let me ask you one question. Have you ever been in want, in need your entire privileged life? Now I'm privileged?! Why? Because I didn't grow up on food stamps and welfare? Because I didn't call home a cardboard box? No, I never ever went to bed hungry and I'm proud of it, too. Whoever told you that living in poverty earns you somekind of badge of honor flat out lied to you. +Now I'm privileged?! Why? Because I didn't grow up on food stamps and welfare? Because I didn't call home a cardboard box? No, I never ever went to bed hungry and I'm proud of it, too. Whoever told you that living in poverty earns you somekind of badge of honor flat out lied to you. The point I'm trying to make is that this is a blessing. It's going to be fun doing this show and we should all look at it that way. +Can I kiss you too? Naw. I'll take the zero. +Naw. I'll take the zero. You feel good, not nervous? +You feel good, not nervous? I feel fine. +I feel fine. Not nervous? Relaxed? +Not nervous? Relaxed? Sloan, will you take your boss out of here so I can get ready. +So they can be on TV. You sound like the media. +You sound like the media. This is nothing. It will blow over by tomorrow. +This is nothing. It will blow over by tomorrow. Same thing Giuliani said. +Same thing Giuliani said. Tomorrow it will be all about cruelty to animals or some sex scandal. Besides, there is no such thing as bad publicity. +No joke. Serious. Hope the same thing doesn't happen to me. That's some big shoes to fill. +Hope the same thing doesn't happen to me. That's some big shoes to fill. In time. +What are you? A man or a mouse? Are you a punk? Punking out on me? No. +No. You getting scared because some people don't like what you are doing? +You getting scared because some people don't like what you are doing? Yo, DeLa, they tried to lynch my black ass up in dat piece. +You've made it from the guttermost to the uppermost. Don't you know you should never let them see you sweat. Y'knowwhatI'msayin'? Yeah. +Yeah. And now is definitely not the time to bitch up. +You shouldn't even be mad at me over Sloan. What you did is dead wrong. +What you did is dead wrong. Oh, is it? Buddy boy, in this business if people don't produce, they get fired. +Oh, is it? Buddy boy, in this business if people don't produce, they get fired. Sloan is the hardest working person I've ever met. +Sloan is the hardest working person I've ever met. Let me ask you a question, if I may. How do you think she got the job in the first place? I don't mean to burst your bubble, Mantan the Marvelous, but Sloan is an opportunity. +Let me ask you a question, if I may. How do you think she got the job in the first place? I don't mean to burst your bubble, Mantan the Marvelous, but Sloan is an opportunity. I don't believe it. +I don't believe it. Do I have to spell it out for you? In fact, go ask Sloan yourself. +Mantan, we got a show to tape. My name is Manray, goddamnit. +My name is Manray, goddamnit. Kook and the Gang, it's Manray. Let's do the taping. You go back to your dressing room, get dressed and blacken up. +You must think I'm some kind of fool. It looks delicious. +It looks delicious. You hear me talkin' to you. The only time you come up here when something is wrong. +You hear me talkin' to you. The only time you come up here when something is wrong. C'mon, Mommy, don't start with that I'm an ungrateful son stuff. +C'mon, Mommy, don't start with that I'm an ungrateful son stuff. I said no such thing. All I said is that something must be wrong. +How's the food? Can't beat it with a hammer. Well, since you asked, it looks like I may have a new show, a pilot being shot. +Can't beat it with a hammer. Well, since you asked, it looks like I may have a new show, a pilot being shot. That's wonderful. Isn't that what you always wanted, a show of your own? +It was. It is. But this is a different kind of show. If at first it's not what you want, just work that much harder, Peerless. +If at first it's not what you want, just work that much harder, Peerless. Mommy, please don't call me that. +Mommy, please don't call me that. Son, Peerless is your name. Now you might be one of these Hollywood types, change your name and all that but Peerless Dothan is on your birth certificate. +Son, Peerless is your name. Now you might be one of these Hollywood types, change your name and all that but Peerless Dothan is on your birth certificate. I know what's on my birth certificate. You heard from Daddy? +I know what's on my birth certificate. You heard from Daddy? I guess he's still on the road. What kind of show is this? Are they some Negroes in it without being buffoons? +I guess he's still on the road. What kind of show is this? Are they some Negroes in it without being buffoons? To answer your question, there are a lot of Negroes in it and what is your definition of buffoons? +To answer your question, there are a lot of Negroes in it and what is your definition of buffoons? Peerless, I didn't raise a buffoon. We have enough of those on television already. +Peerless, I didn't raise a buffoon. We have enough of those on television already. Please let me know when you hear from Daddy, get a number or something. +Please let me know when you hear from Daddy, get a number or something. I will. And good luck with your show. I hope it's a huge success. You've worked very hard. You deserve it. +Peerless, your father called. I'll be right over. +He wants you to come and see him. He said that? +He said that? Yes he did. +Yes he did. Where is he? +Where is he? He's performing at some place outside of Richmond, Virginia. +He's performing at some place outside of Richmond, Virginia. I can't go all the way down south. +Richmond is not all the way down south. I don't even know why you're still concerned over him. Daddy's not with you. +I don't even know why you're still concerned over him. Daddy's not with you. Regardless, he still is your father. +Regardless, he still is your father. It's gonna be hard for me to get away with the show taking off. +It's gonna be hard for me to get away with the show taking off. Even more reason to see him. He'll be overjoyed with your success. +Even more reason to see him. He'll be overjoyed with your success. C'mon, Mommy. Daddy hasn't been impressed with anything I've ever done. From winning my fifth grade Spelling Bee to the present. +C'mon, Mommy. Daddy hasn't been impressed with anything I've ever done. From winning my fifth grade Spelling Bee to the present. Peerless, last time, go see your father. +I'm doing okay. Been reading about your show, it's all over everywhere. I watched it's all over everywhere. I watched it once. I thought you said there would be no buffoonery. You going to attack me too. The show is a hit. Aren't you happy for me? +You going to attack me too. The show is a hit. Aren't you happy for me? Of course I'm happy for you. You've worked very hard for your success. +Of course I'm happy for you. You've worked very hard for your success. Yes I have, very hard. Has Daddy called? +Yes I have, very hard. Has Daddy called? No. +No. Not at all? +Not at all? You know how your Daddy is. +You know how your Daddy is. If and when he calls, please don't forget to ask him if he's seen Mantan. +If and when he calls, please don't forget to ask him if he's seen Mantan. I won't forget. When are you coming up here to see your mother? +I won't forget. When are you coming up here to see your mother? Soon. +Nice to meet you. If you don't mind me asking you - how old are you? I just turned twenty. +Where are you from? Helsinki, which is the capital of Finland. +Helsinki, which is the capital of Finland. Finland. +Finland. You know, Finlandia vodka? Yes? +You know, Finlandia vodka? Yes? Yes, I know. Jukka, have you ever seen a Negro person before? Even had a real conversation with a real Negro before? +Yes, I know. Jukka, have you ever seen a Negro person before? Even had a real conversation with a real Negro before? What's a Negro. +A fiasco. A disaster. A boondoggle. An abomination. Did you just ask me what's a Negro? I'M A NEGRO!!! +Did you just ask me what's a Negro? I'M A NEGRO!!! Ahhh!!! I never heard of that term before. I thought you were BLACK of African-American. No? +Ahhh!!! I never heard of that term before. I thought you were BLACK of African-American. No? Well before there was BLACK or AFRICAN AMERICAN, there were NEGROES. I'M A NEGRO. +Well before there was BLACK or AFRICAN AMERICAN, there were NEGROES. I'M A NEGRO. Thank you for correcting my ignorance. I'm looking forward to working side by side with you. I feel we make a good team. +How did you get this gig? My visual style is very erotic, sexy, how do you say - hot? +My visual style is very erotic, sexy, how do you say - hot? This is a TV show, not a music video. +This is a TV show, not a music video. Then will you teach me what I need to know. Maybe we learn from each other, if that's possible, no? +Then will you teach me what I need to know. Maybe we learn from each other, if that's possible, no? This is a travesty. A debacle. +Good luck, Jukka. Do a good show. Thank you very much. I always try my best. +I know all of you have seen the overnight ratings. Through the roof. But in this game you gotta be one, two, three steps ahead. I introduce you to Myrna Goldfarb. She's the best media consultant in the biz. First, I would like to say I love the show. It's very courageous. My parents marched in Selma, Alabama with Dr. King. +Myrna is here to help us plan our strategy. The best defense is offense. +"The Mantan Manifesto. Catchy ain't it? Number One. We gainfully employ African Americans, in front of and behind the cameras. Two. Let the audience decide. Three. Who put these critics in charge? These so-called cultural police? Four. Who determines what is black? Five. Mantan is a satire. Six. If they can't take a joke, ""F"" 'em." We all stick to this, it's smooth sailing. +Let Myrna finish. Thank you. And always smile. +Yes you! This show was created, conceived by you, a non-threatening African- American male. Voila. End of argument. It can't be racist because you're black. +I never had a really real pair before. You've never had any formal training, either? +You've never had any formal training, either? Not a class, not a thing, just picked stuff up by myself. +Not a class, not a thing, just picked stuff up by myself. I wish I had your natural talent. God only makes that visit once in a while. +I wish I had your natural talent. God only makes that visit once in a while. You sing and dance? +You sing and dance? A little. I just graduated from NYU film school. Cinema studies. +A little. I just graduated from NYU film school. Cinema studies. So what's up with you and DeLa? +So what's up with you and DeLa? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Are you and him kicking it? Knocking boots. Y'knowwhatI'mtalkin'bout. +No, we're not knocking boots. I got this internship while I still was at NYU, DeLa was impressed with my get up and go and hired me to be his assistant. I'm sure that was the only thing he was impressed with. You look beautiful like that. +I'm sure that was the only thing he was impressed with. You look beautiful like that. If that was suppose to be a compliment, I thank you. +If that was suppose to be a compliment, I thank you. You're welcome. You shouldn't give up on performing. +You're welcome. You shouldn't give up on performing. Why do you say that? You've never seen me. +Why do you say that? You've never seen me. I think that would probably make you the happiest. When I'm hoofing, I mean really doing my thing, hitting it, nothing compares to that feeling in the world. +I think that would probably make you the happiest. When I'm hoofing, I mean really doing my thing, hitting it, nothing compares to that feeling in the world. I envy you. That's the way I want to feel about my work. +Our guest tonight is the extraordinary, talented performer, Mantan. Thanks for coming in. Tavis, thank you for having me. +Tavis, thank you for having me. Before we begin, I want to thank you for coming on my show for your first television interview. You could have chosen Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters, Jane Pauley, whatnot but you're here. +Before we begin, I want to thank you for coming on my show for your first television interview. You could have chosen Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters, Jane Pauley, whatnot but you're here. I'm more comfortable around my people. +I'm more comfortable around my people. Let's jump right into it. Your show has sparked a world of controversy, provoked a tone of dialogue. How do you see all of this? +Let's jump right into it. Your show has sparked a world of controversy, provoked a tone of dialogue. How do you see all of this? "Yo, Tavis, check it out. This is the two-one, the 21st century and it's all about the money. Like my man Mase says, ""it's all about the Benjamins.""" +Money and nothing else? Money makes the world go round. It ain't no joke being poor. I know whatI'mtalkin''bout. Y'knowwhatI'msayin'? I've lived on the street. I've been homeless. I've learned how to play the game, work the game, be in the game. +Money makes the world go round. It ain't no joke being poor. I know whatI'mtalkin''bout. Y'knowwhatI'msayin'? I've lived on the street. I've been homeless. I've learned how to play the game, work the game, be in the game. Is it inevitable that the game plays you? +Is it inevitable that the game plays you? No if you go with the flow, Tavis. That's what a lot of Negroes don't understand. Protesting isn't gonna do a damn thing. If people don't like our satire in our number one hit show then don't watch it. Or better yet write your own show. Do it better. +No if you go with the flow, Tavis. That's what a lot of Negroes don't understand. Protesting isn't gonna do a damn thing. If people don't like our satire in our number one hit show then don't watch it. Or better yet write your own show. Do it better. Don't you feel that is a simplistic retort? +Don't you feel that is a simplistic retort? I don't know what a retort is, but it's simple. Mantan - The New Millennium Minstrel Show is UNIVERSAL. It's not just for Negroes in Compton or 125th in Harlem. This is America. Our ancestors helped build this country, we got a right, just like everybody else. I'm not gonna box myself in. This show makes people think, and they're laughing at the same time. +I don't know what a retort is, but it's simple. Mantan - The New Millennium Minstrel Show is UNIVERSAL. It's not just for Negroes in Compton or 125th in Harlem. This is America. Our ancestors helped build this country, we got a right, just like everybody else. I'm not gonna box myself in. This show makes people think, and they're laughing at the same time. I admit, that's a very hard thing to do. Quickly let's go to the phones before we pay the bills and hear from our proud sponsors, DA BOMB. 125% PURE PLEASURE MALT LIQUOR. IT MAKES YOU WANNA GET YA FREAK ON AND TIMMI HILLNIGGER. 125% AUTHENTIC GIT-TOE GEAR WHEN YOU WANT TO BE GIT-TOED FABULOUS. +This is my best friend Sleep 'N Eat. And this is my very best friend Mantan. +We both left the hustle and bustle of Uptown, Harlem... ...the big apple, New York, New York. +...the big apple, New York, New York. To come back to our roots. +To come back to our roots. Our Alabamy Home. Now we're getting countrified. We is Bama's. +Our Alabamy Home. Now we're getting countrified. We is Bama's. "No mo' ""city slickers."" Ahh, can't you smell the sweet aroma of the ripe watermelons and high cotton?" +"No mo' ""city slickers."" Ahh, can't you smell the sweet aroma of the ripe watermelons and high cotton?" Tell 'em what you mean Mistuh Mantan. +Tell 'em what you mean Mistuh Mantan. Well, thank you Mistuh Sleep 'N Eat. +Well, thank you Mistuh Sleep 'N Eat. Give or cousins some of dem educated feets. +Cousins, I want all of you to go to your windows. Go to your windows and yell. Yell, I'm tired of the drugs, the crack babies born out of wedlock to crackhead aids infested parents. I'm tired of the inflated welfare rolls while good wholesome Americans bring less and less of their paycheck home every two weeks. I'm tired, you're tired, we're all tired of these so-called bible- thumping God fearing, whore mongling Professional athletes. Aren't you tired of these basketball-dunking, football-running, hop-hip rapping ebonic-speaking sex offenders who got ten kids from ten different Ho's? I know I am and so is Sleep 'N Eat. You tellin' the truth. +You tellin' the truth. Go to your windows and yell out, scream with all the life you can muster up inside your assaulted, bruised and battered bodies. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF NIGGERS AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE! +Y'know my lady Lucindy? The one with da big... +The one with da big... Not her, the one with the little... +Not her, the one with the little... Oh her. +Oh her. Tomorrow is her birthday and I want to get her something really nice, like a... +No, not that. How 'bout... She hates dem. +She hates dem. Too bad. How 'bout a dress? +Too bad. How 'bout a dress? Sleep 'N Eat, one of dem slinky, sexy, little foxy... +Sleep 'N Eat, one of dem slinky, sexy, little foxy... Mantan, way too short, too tight. Get her one of dose... +Mantan, way too short, too tight. Get her one of dose... ...to big. The in-between one, not too tight, not too lose. +...to big. The in-between one, not too tight, not too lose. That'll work. I just bought one for myself. +Not for me, my woolly headed cotton pickin' friend for... I thought you got rid of... +I thought you got rid of... ...that was Vicki, her best friend. Dat dress will cast ya round... +...that was Vicki, her best friend. Dat dress will cast ya round... ...dat's too much money. I can't 'ford it. I needs me a dress that cost no mo' than... +...dat's too much money. I can't 'ford it. I needs me a dress that cost no mo' than... ...aconite get it dat cheap. +...aconite get it dat cheap. I'll buy her a less expensive dress, so I can have some money left over to take her out to dinner. +I'll buy her a less expensive dress, so I can have some money left over to take her out to dinner. We should go out on a double date. +I heard ya lady is wild. No. That's her second cousin. Who's married to Li'l Bit. +No. That's her second cousin. Who's married to Li'l Bit. Oh, because on our first date, she let me... +Oh, because on our first date, she let me... ...no, she didn't... +...no, she didn't... ...yes she did. +...yes she did. ...I heard different, thought that was... +...I heard different, thought that was... ...not that time... +...not that time... So when are you comin' to pick us up? +So when are you comin' to pick us up? Around... +Around... ...too early... +...too early... ...then what about... +...then what about... ...too late, maybe around... +...too late, maybe around... ...perfect... +...perfect... That's what I like about you and me. We git along... +That's what I like about you and me. We git along... ...like macaroni and cheese... +...like macaroni and cheese... ...like grits and butter... +...like grits and butter... ...like fried and chicken... +I fell out of my bed last night. You slept too near where you got in? +You slept too near where you got in? I slept too near where I fell out. +I slept too near where I fell out. You expect the unexpected in circumstances of that peculiarity. +Sleep 'N Eat, what's the matter with you? Using all dose ten dollar words? Mantan, it is possible that my hyphenated sentences are entirely too complex for all the intellect contained in that diminutive coconut? +Mantan, it is possible that my hyphenated sentences are entirely too complex for all the intellect contained in that diminutive coconut? Hold on, you allegorical hypothesis. Don't cross words with me. +Hold on, you allegorical hypothesis. Don't cross words with me. Ain't Jemima on the pancake box? +Ain't Jemima on the pancake box? Dat's yo Uncle Ben. That reminds me, I've seen a lot of troubles lately. +Dat's yo Uncle Ben. That reminds me, I've seen a lot of troubles lately. How be dat? +How be dat? I don't know who I am. +I don't know who I am. Well, I'll be an Alabama porch monkey's uncle. +Well, I'll be an Alabama porch monkey's uncle. Years ago I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love with my stepdaughter and married her. Thusly he became my son-in-law and my stepdaughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. Soon after dis my wife gave birth to a son, which of course was my father's brother in-law and my uncle, for he was the brother of my step-mother. My father's wife also became the mother of a son. He was of course my brother and also my grandchild for he was the son of my daughter. Accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. +Sleep 'N Eat, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo' and behold, as the husband of a person's grandmother is his grandfather, I Mantan, became my own grandfather. Mantan, dat sho' is a whopper. +I feel a song a comin' on. A song a comin' I feel. +People show their happiness in a lot of different ways. Well, homeboy, looks like he's at a funeral. +A lot? Enough. +So what's up with you? What do you want to know? +What do you want to know? The good stuff. +The good stuff. I'm an asthmatic. Been one all my life. Can't go anywhere without an inhaler. +I'm an asthmatic. Been one all my life. Can't go anywhere without an inhaler. What else? +What else? Are you trying to rap to me? +This is a nice place. It must have cost a pretty penny. Sloan, I got it like 'dat. +Sloan, I got it like 'dat. Oh you do, huh? +Oh you do, huh? Just a little something' somethin'. +Just a little something' somethin'. I hope you save a little somethin' somethin'. +I hope you save a little somethin' somethin'. Gots no intention of ending up broke. +Gots no intention of ending up broke. Y'know, at the beginnin' of the century, African-American had to perform in blackface. You ever heard of Bert Williams? He was a great artist. +Y'know, at the beginnin' of the century, African-American had to perform in blackface. You ever heard of Bert Williams? He was a great artist. No, before my time. +No, before my time. You don't read, do you? +You don't read, do you? Never read a book in my whole life. +Never read a book in my whole life. Maybe you need to start. +Maybe you need to start. Maybe I need to do a lot of things. +Maybe I need to do a lot of things. Bert Williams and the rest, they had to black up. They had no choice. They were considered 3/5ths of a human being. Did you know that's written in the Constitution of the United States? +Why all of a sudden are you flippin' on me? This blackface thing was part of the deal from the git-go. Don't even try to play it like you ain't a part of all this. You down with Delacroix. I just don't want you and Cheeba to get hurt. +I just don't want you and Cheeba to get hurt. We can look out for ourselves. +Why don't you call him? For what? He left. Not me. +You're sure this is a good idea. My people love me. +I'll be down front. You better start putting your face on. Y'know what? +Y'know what? What? +What? You look beautiful like that. +How did you get this gig? Worked my black ass off, first as an intern, then worked my way up to this position. +Worked my black ass off, first as an intern, then worked my way up to this position. You leave something out? +You leave something out? After my internship expired, Dela was impressed and offered me a position as his assistant. +After my internship expired, Dela was impressed and offered me a position as his assistant. And? +And? And what? +And what? Stop playing me Sloan. +Stop playing me Sloan. Just ask me what you want to know. +Just ask me what you want to know. Oh, you gonna make me say it. +Oh, you gonna make me say it. Say what, Manray? +Say what, Manray? Did you ever sleep with DeLa? +Did you ever sleep with DeLa? We did it one time, only once. It had nothing to do with the job, it was stupid. Everything I've got I've earned. +We did it one time, only once. It had nothing to do with the job, it was stupid. Everything I've got I've earned. Aw, c'mon. +Aw, c'mon. That's ancient history. That has nothing to do with you and I. +"So you say. Sloan, you wuz gonna use me up just like you used Dela? Work it to the top. I never imagined people in this biz could flip on you like ""IHOP."" I'm damn happy DeLa fired ya ass." Forget about me, are you a puppet for DeLa? +Forget about me, are you a puppet for DeLa? Don't try to change to the subject. +Don't try to change to the subject. Why don't you answer? +Why don't you answer? I know I won't be your puppet. +I know I won't be your puppet. You can go now. +You can go now. I wuz leaving anyway, for good. +Good day to you, young sir. Good morning. +Good morning. Where are you bound for? +Where are you bound for? That is none of your business. +That is none of your business. Is your mother not afraid on account of the highwayman to let one so young as you travel? +Is your mother not afraid on account of the highwayman to let one so young as you travel? Not at all, sir. I have a pair of good pistols that have already done execution, and are ready to do it again. +And, I'll tell you what, Mr. Dugan, I've been insulted grossly in this house. I ain't at all satisfied with these here ways of going on. I'm an Englishman, I am, and a man of property; and I -- I -- If you're insulted, and not satisfied, remember there's two of us, Best. +Both of us ride home with Best here. I'm not afraid of highwaymen. My man is armed, and so am I. +I'm not afraid of highwaymen. My man is armed, and so am I. You know the use of arms very well, Best, and no one can doubt your courage; but Michael and I will see you home for all that. +There's nothing else for it. Take your ground, Grogan -- twelve paces, I suppose? Ten, sir, and make them short ones, do you hear, Captain Grogan? +Ten, sir, and make them short ones, do you hear, Captain Grogan? Don't bully, Mr. Best. Here are the pistols. God bless you, my boy; and when I count three, fire. +Hoity-toity! John Best, what's the matter here? I'll tell you what it is, Mr. Dugan. I have had enough of Miss Dugan here and your Irish ways. I ain't used to 'em, sir. +I'll tell you what it is, Mr. Dugan. I have had enough of Miss Dugan here and your Irish ways. I ain't used to 'em, sir. Well, well! What is it? We'll make you used to our ways, or adopt English ones. +Well, well! What is it? We'll make you used to our ways, or adopt English ones. It's not the English way, for ladies to have two lovers, and, so, Mr. Dugan, I'll thank you to pay me the sum you owe me, and I resign all claims to this young lady. If she has a fancy for school-boys, let her take 'em, sir. +It's not the English way, for ladies to have two lovers, and, so, Mr. Dugan, I'll thank you to pay me the sum you owe me, and I resign all claims to this young lady. If she has a fancy for school-boys, let her take 'em, sir. Pooh! Pooh! Best, you are joking. +Pooh! Pooh! Best, you are joking. I never was more in earnest. +My companion treated me with great civility, and asked me a thousand questions about England, which I answered as best I might. But this best, I am bound to say, was bad enough. I knew nothing about England, and I invented a thousand stories which I told him; described the king and the ministers to him, said the British ambassador in Berlin was my uncle, and promised my acquaintance a letter of recommendation to him. What is your uncle's name? +What is your uncle's name? O'Grady. +O'Grady. Oh, yes, of course, Ambassador O'Grady... +This is a very good inn. Shall we stop for dinner? This may be a very good inn for Germany, but it would not pass in old Ireland. Corbach is only a league off, let us push on for Corbach. +This may be a very good inn for Germany, but it would not pass in old Ireland. Corbach is only a league off, let us push on for Corbach. Do you want to see the loveliest woman in Europe? +Ah! You sly rogue, I see that will influence you. The place seems more a farm than an inn-yard. +The place seems more a farm than an inn-yard. The people are great farmers, as well as inn-keepers. +Where's the beauty you promised me? It was my joke. I was tired, and did not care to go farther. There's not prettier woman here than that. If she won't suit your fancy, my friend, then you must wait awhile. +Upon my word, sir, I think you have acted very coolly. I have acted as I think fit. +I have acted as I think fit. Sir, I'm a British officer. +Sir, I'm a British officer. It's a lie! You're a deserter! You're an impostor, sir; Your lies and folly have confirmed this to me. You pretend to carry dispatches to a general who has been dead these ten months; you have an uncle who is an ambassador and whose name you don't know. Will you join and take the bounty, sir, or will you be given up? +It's a lie! You're a deserter! You're an impostor, sir; Your lies and folly have confirmed this to me. You pretend to carry dispatches to a general who has been dead these ten months; you have an uncle who is an ambassador and whose name you don't know. Will you join and take the bounty, sir, or will you be given up? Neither! +Good morning, Private James. Please come in. I should like you to meet my uncle, Herr Minister of Police Galgenstein. How do you do, sir? +The captain was the nephew and heir of the Minister of Police, Herr Galgenstein, a relationship which, no doubt, aided in the younger gentlemen's promotion. Your loyalty to me and your service to the regiment has pleased me very well -- and now there is another occasion on which you may make yourself useful to us; if you succeed, depend on it, your reward will be your discharge from the army, and a bounty of 100 guineas. +Your loyalty to me and your service to the regiment has pleased me very well -- and now there is another occasion on which you may make yourself useful to us; if you succeed, depend on it, your reward will be your discharge from the army, and a bounty of 100 guineas. What is the service, sir? +What is the service, sir? There is lately come to Berlin a gentleman in the service of the Empress Queen, who calls himself the Chevalier de Belle Fast, and wears the red riband and star of the pope's order of the Spur. He is made for good society, polished, obliging, a libertine, without prejudices, fond of women, of good food, of high play, prudent and discreet. +You are a Hungarian; you served in the army, and left on account of weakness in the loins. He gambles a great deal, and wins. Do you know the cards well? Only a very little, as soldiers do. +Only a very little, as soldiers do. I had thought you more expert. You must find out if the Chevalier cheats. He sees the English and Austrian envoys continually, and the young men of either ministry sup repeatedly at his house. Find out what they talk of, for how much each plays, especially if any of them play on parole. If you are able to, read his private letters, though about those which go to the post, you need not trouble yourself -- we look at them there. But never see him write a note without finding out to whom it goes, and by what channel or messenger. He sleeps with the keys of his dispatch-box with a string around his neck -- twenty frederics, if you get an impression of the keys. +What are the Chevalier's intentions? I am not sure. The Prince told him quite clearly that if he wished to have the money, he would have to fight for it. +Has he sent the challenge yet? Not yet, but I believe he intends to. +You say he drives after breakfast and before dinner. When he comes out to his carriage a couple of gendarmes will mount the box, and the coachman will get his orders to move on. And his baggage? +And his baggage? Oh! That will be sent after him. I have a fancy to look into that red box which contains his papers, you say; and at noon, after parade, shall be at the inn. You will not say a word to any one there regarding the affair, and will wait for me at the Chevalier's rooms until my arrival. We must force that box. You are a clumsy hound, or you would have got the key long ago. +This is a pretty way to recommend yourself to the family. The man that marries Dorothy Dugan must first kill me -- do you mind that? +Dorothy might love me or not, as she likes, but Best will have to fight me before he marries her! Faith, I think you are a lad that's likely to keep your word. +A pretty day's work of it you have made, Master Roderick. Knowing your uncle to be distressed for money, and try and break off a match which will bring fifteen hundred a-year into the family? Best has promised to pay off the four thousand pounds which is bothering your uncle so. He takes a girl without a penny -- a girl that has been flinging herself at the head of every man in these parts these ten years past, and missing them all, and a boy who ought to be attached to your uncle as to your father. And so I am. +And so I am. And this is the return you make for his kindness! Didn't he harbor you in his house when your father died, and hasn't he given you and your mother, rent-free, your fine house of Jamesville yonder? +And this is the return you make for his kindness! Didn't he harbor you in his house when your father died, and hasn't he given you and your mother, rent-free, your fine house of Jamesville yonder? Mark this, come what will of it, I swear I will fight the man who pretends to the hand of Dorothy Dugan. I'll follow him if it's into the church, and meet him there. I'll have his blood, or he shall have mine. Will you take my message to him, and arrange the meeting? +Mark this, come what will of it, I swear I will fight the man who pretends to the hand of Dorothy Dugan. I'll follow him if it's into the church, and meet him there. I'll have his blood, or he shall have mine. Will you take my message to him, and arrange the meeting? Well, if it must be, it must. For a young fellow, you are the most bloodthirsty I ever saw. No officer, bearing His Majesty's commission, can receive a glass of wine on his nose, without resenting it -- fight you must, and Best is a huge, strong fellow. +Well, if it must be, it must. For a young fellow, you are the most bloodthirsty I ever saw. No officer, bearing His Majesty's commission, can receive a glass of wine on his nose, without resenting it -- fight you must, and Best is a huge, strong fellow. He'll give the better mark. I am not afraid of him. +He'll give the better mark. I am not afraid of him. In faith, I believe you are not; for a lad I never saw more game in my life. Give me a kiss, my dear boy. You're after my own soul. As long as Jack Grogan lives, you shall never want a friend or a second. +Have you taken my message to him? The meeting is arranged. Captain Best is waiting for you now. +The meeting is arranged. Captain Best is waiting for you now. My mare is saddled and ready; who's the captain's second? +My mare is saddled and ready; who's the captain's second? Your cousins go out with him. +That's a very handsome sword you have there. It was with this sword that my late father, Harry James, God rest his soul, met Sir Huddelstone Fuddelstone, the Hampshire baronet, and was fatally run through the neck. He was quite in the wrong, having insulted Lady Fuddelstone, when in liquor, at the Brentford Assembly. But, like a gentleman, he scorned to apologize. +It was with this sword that my late father, Harry James, God rest his soul, met Sir Huddelstone Fuddelstone, the Hampshire baronet, and was fatally run through the neck. He was quite in the wrong, having insulted Lady Fuddelstone, when in liquor, at the Brentford Assembly. But, like a gentleman, he scorned to apologize. And now you risk the same fate. If you are killed, your mother is all alone in the world. +And now you risk the same fate. If you are killed, your mother is all alone in the world. I am Harry James' son, and will act as becomes my name and quality. +I hope to spoil this sport, and trust to see this sword of mine in that big bully's body. Oh, it's with pistols we fight. You are no match for Best with the sword. +Oh, it's with pistols we fight. You are no match for Best with the sword. I'll match any man with the sword. +I'll match any man with the sword. But swords are today impossible; Captain Best is -- is lame. He knocked his knee against the swinging park gate last night, as he was riding home, and can scarce move it now. +But swords are today impossible; Captain Best is -- is lame. He knocked his knee against the swinging park gate last night, as he was riding home, and can scarce move it now. Not against Castle Dugan gate, that has been off the hinges these ten years. +Not against Castle Dugan gate, that has been off the hinges these ten years. It must have been some other gate. +Look here, Roderick, my boy; this is silly business. The girl will marry Best, mark my words; and as sure as she does, you'll forget her. You are but a boy. Best is willing to consider you as such. Dublin's a fine place, and if you have a mind to take a ride thither and see the town for a month, here are twenty guineas at your service. Make Best an apology, and be off. A man of honor dies, but never apologizes. I'll see the captain hanged before I apologize. +Grogan gave me a wink of recognition, but offered no public token of acquaintance and it was not until two days afterwards that he called me into his quarters, and then, shaking hands with me cordially, gave me news which I wanted, of my family. I had news of you in Dublin. Faith, you've begun early, like your father's son, but I think you could not do better than as you have done. But why did you not write home to your poor mother? She has sent half-a-dozen letters to you in Dublin. +I had news of you in Dublin. Faith, you've begun early, like your father's son, but I think you could not do better than as you have done. But why did you not write home to your poor mother? She has sent half-a-dozen letters to you in Dublin. I suppose she addressed them to me in my real name, by which I never thought to ask for them at the post office. +I suppose she addressed them to me in my real name, by which I never thought to ask for them at the post office. "We must write to her today, and you can tell her that you are safe and married to ""Brown Bess.""" +I see you are thinking of a certain young lady at Duganstown. Is Miss Dugan well? +Is Miss Dugan well? There's only six Miss Dugans now... poor Dorothy. +There's only six Miss Dugans now... poor Dorothy. Good heavens! Whatever? Has she died of grief? +Good heavens! Whatever? Has she died of grief? She took on so at your going away that she was obliged to console herself with a husband. She is now Mrs. John Best. +She took on so at your going away that she was obliged to console herself with a husband. She is now Mrs. John Best. Mrs. John Best! Was there another Mr. John Best?! +Mrs. John Best! Was there another Mr. John Best?! No, the very same one, my boy. He recovered from his wound. The ball you hit him with was not likely to hurt him. It was only made of tow. Do you think the Dugans would let you kill fifteen hundred a-year out of the family? The plan of the duel was all arranged in order to get you out of the way, for the cowardly Englishman could never be brought to marry from fear of you. But hit him you certainly did, Roderick, and with a fine thick plugget of tow, and the fellow was so frightened that he was an hour in coming to. We told your mother the story afterwards, and a pretty scene she made. +No, the very same one, my boy. He recovered from his wound. The ball you hit him with was not likely to hurt him. It was only made of tow. Do you think the Dugans would let you kill fifteen hundred a-year out of the family? The plan of the duel was all arranged in order to get you out of the way, for the cowardly Englishman could never be brought to marry from fear of you. But hit him you certainly did, Roderick, and with a fine thick plugget of tow, and the fellow was so frightened that he was an hour in coming to. We told your mother the story afterwards, and a pretty scene she made. The coward! +The coward! He has paid off your uncle's mortgage. He gave Dorothy a coach- and-six. That coward of a fellow has been making of your uncle's family. Faith, the business was well done. Your cousins, Michael and Harry, never let him out of their sight, though he was for deserting to England, until the marriage was completed, and the happy couple off on their road to Dublin. Are you in want of cash, my boy? You may draw upon me, for I got a couple of hundred out of Master Best for my share and, while they last, you shall never want. +Mr. O'Higgins, I cannot say how grateful I am for your timely assistance to my wife. I am only sorry that I was unable to prevent the villain from carrying off all her ladyship's money and pearls. +I am only sorry that I was unable to prevent the villain from carrying off all her ladyship's money and pearls. Mr. O'Higgins, we are in your debt, and rest assured, sir, you have friends in this house whenever you are in Dublin. Mister O'Higgins, I wonder if I know your good father? +Mr. O'Higgins, we are in your debt, and rest assured, sir, you have friends in this house whenever you are in Dublin. Mister O'Higgins, I wonder if I know your good father? Which O'Higgins do you know? For I have never heard your name mentioned in my family. +Which O'Higgins do you know? For I have never heard your name mentioned in my family. Oh, I am thinking of the O'Higgins of Redmondstown. General O'Higgins was a close friend of my wife's dear father, Colonel Granby Somerset. +Oh, I am thinking of the O'Higgins of Redmondstown. General O'Higgins was a close friend of my wife's dear father, Colonel Granby Somerset. Ah -- I see. No, I'm afraid mine are the O'Higgins of Watertown. +Ah -- I see. No, I'm afraid mine are the O'Higgins of Watertown. I have heard of them. +Whom have I been harboring in my house? Who are you, sirrah? Sirrah! Sirrah, I am as good a gentleman as any in Ireland! +Sirrah! Sirrah, I am as good a gentleman as any in Ireland! You're an impostor, young man, a schemer, a deceiver! +You're an impostor, young man, a schemer, a deceiver! Repeat the words again, and I run you through the body. +Repeat the words again, and I run you through the body. Tut, tut! I can play at fencing as well as you, Mr. Roderick James. Ah! You change color, do you? Your secret is known, is it? You come like a viper into the bosom of innocent families; you represent yourself as the heir to my friends the O'Higgins of Castle O'Higgins; I introduce you to the nobility and gentry of this methropolis; I take you to my tradesmen, who give you credit. I accept your note for near two hundred pounds, and what do I find? A fraud. +Chevalier, though I cannot say how, I believe you have cheated me. I deny your Grace's accusations, and beg you to say how you have been cheated? +I deny your Grace's accusations, and beg you to say how you have been cheated? I don't know. +I don't know. Your Grace owes me seventy thousand frederics, which I have honorably won. +Your Grace owes me seventy thousand frederics, which I have honorably won. Chevalier, if you will have your money now, you must fight for it. If you will be patient, maybe I will pay you something another time. +Chevalier, if you will have your money now, you must fight for it. If you will be patient, maybe I will pay you something another time. Your Grace, if I am so tame as to take this, then I must give up an honorable and lucrative occupation. +Your Grace, if I am so tame as to take this, then I must give up an honorable and lucrative occupation. I have said all there is to be said. I am at your disposal for whatever purposes you wish. Good night. +Where is my rascal, Lazlo? I will let down the steps for your honor. +Good gracious! What is this? You are going to drive to the frontier. +You are going to drive to the frontier. It is shameful -- infamous! I insist upon being put down at the Austrian ambassador's house. +It is shameful -- infamous! I insist upon being put down at the Austrian ambassador's house. I have orders to gag your honor if you cry out, and to give you this purse containing ten thousand frederics if you do not. +I have orders to gag your honor if you cry out, and to give you this purse containing ten thousand frederics if you do not. Ten thousand? But the scoundrel owes me seventy thousand. +Ten thousand? But the scoundrel owes me seventy thousand. Your honor must lower his voice. +Your honor must lower his voice. All Europe shall hear of this! +All Europe shall hear of this! As you please. +I have no luggage. The gentleman has nothing contraband. +You are the young man who M. de Seebach recommended? Yes, sir. Here is my letter. +Your name is Lazlo Zilagyi? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. You come highly recommended by Herr Seebach. +You come highly recommended by Herr Seebach. Herr Seebach was a very kind employer. +Herr Seebach was a very kind employer. For whom else have you worked? +For whom else have you worked? No one, sir. Before that I served in the army but had to leave due to weakness of the loins. +No one, sir. Before that I served in the army but had to leave due to weakness of the loins. Who else can give me information about you? +Who else can give me information about you? Only the agency of servants. +And I think he was as much affected as I was at thus finding one of his kindred; for he, too, was an exile from home, and a friendly voice, a look, brought the old country back to his memory again, and the old days of his boyhood. I'd give five years of my life to see the old country again, the greenfields, and the river, and the old round tower, and the burying place. +The cards are now my only livelihood. Sometimes I am in luck, and then I lay out my money in these trinkets you see. It's property, look you, and the only way I have found of keeping a little about me. When the luck goes against me, why, my dear, my diamonds go to the pawnbrokers and I wear paste. Do you understand the cards? I can play as soldiers do, but have no great skill. +I can play as soldiers do, but have no great skill. We will practice in the mornings, my boy, and I'll put you up to a thing or two worth knowing. +But they will prevent a meeting at whatever the cost. Have no fear. It will come out well for me. +Have no fear. It will come out well for me. I believe they will deport you. +I believe they will deport you. I have faced that problem before. +I have faced that problem before. But, if they send you away, then what is to become of me? +But, if they send you away, then what is to become of me? Make your mind easy, you shall not be left behind, I warrant you. Do take a last look at your barracks, make your mind easy, say a farewell to your friends in Berlin. The dear souls, how they will weep when they hear you are out of the country, and, out of it, you shall go. +Make your mind easy, you shall not be left behind, I warrant you. Do take a last look at your barracks, make your mind easy, say a farewell to your friends in Berlin. The dear souls, how they will weep when they hear you are out of the country, and, out of it, you shall go. But how, sir? +Gentlemen, I wish you a good day. Will you please go to the house from whence we set out this morning, and tell my man there to send my baggage on to Three Kings at Dresden? Then ordering fresh horses, the Chevalier set off on his journey for that capital. I need not tell you that I was the Chevalier. +When the Duke of Courland brought fourteen lackeys each with bags of florins, and challenged our bank to play against the sealed bags, what did we ask? Sir, we have but eighty thousand florins in bank, or two hundred thousand at three months; if your highness' bags do not contain more than eight thousand, we will meet you. +It is distasteful to kill a scoundrel -- that should be work for a hangman. To risk one's life against such people is an imposition. +To risk one's life against such people is an imposition. I risk nothing, for I am certain to kill him. +I risk nothing, for I am certain to kill him. Certain? +Certain? Perfectly certain, because I shall make him tremble. +I entered here, monsieur, at a bad moment for you; it seems that you love this lady. Certainly, monseigneur, does not Your Excellency consider her worthy of love? +Certainly, monseigneur, does not Your Excellency consider her worthy of love? Perfectly so; and what is more, I will tell you that I love her, and that I am not of a humor to put up with rivals. +Perfectly so; and what is more, I will tell you that I love her, and that I am not of a humor to put up with rivals. Very well! Now that I know it, I will no longer love her. +Very well! Now that I know it, I will no longer love her. Then you yield to me. +Then you yield to me. On the instant. Everyone must yield to such a nobleman as you. +On the instant. Everyone must yield to such a nobleman as you. Very well; but a man who yields takes to his legs. +Very well; but a man who yields takes to his legs. That is a trifle strong. +That is a trifle strong. Take to your legs, low Irish dog. +No. Have you had one? +Have you had one? Never. +Never. But, for a time... a passing fancy? +But, for a time... a passing fancy? Not even that. +Not even that. How can I believe that there is not a man who has inspired desires in you? +How can I believe that there is not a man who has inspired desires in you? Not one. +Not one. Have you not a man whom you value? +Have you not a man whom you value? That man has, perhaps, not yet been born. +That man has, perhaps, not yet been born. What! You have not met a man worthy of your attention? +What! You have not met a man worthy of your attention? Many worthy of attention; but valuing is something more. I could value only someone whom I loved. +Many worthy of attention; but valuing is something more. I could value only someone whom I loved. Then you have never loved? Your heart is empty. +Then you have never loved? Your heart is empty. "Your word ""empty"" makes me laugh. Is it fortunate, or unfortunate? If it is fortunate, I congratulate myself. If it is unfortunate, I do not care, for I am not aware of it." +"Your word ""empty"" makes me laugh. Is it fortunate, or unfortunate? If it is fortunate, I congratulate myself. If it is unfortunate, I do not care, for I am not aware of it." It is nonetheless a misfortune, and you will know it when you love. +It is nonetheless a misfortune, and you will know it when you love. But if, when I love, I am unhappy, I will know that my empty heart was my good fortune. +But if, when I love, I am unhappy, I will know that my empty heart was my good fortune. That is true, but it seems to me impossible that you should be unhappy in love. +That is true, but it seems to me impossible that you should be unhappy in love. It is only too possible. Love requires a mutual harmony which is difficult, and it is even more difficult to make it last. +It is only too possible. Love requires a mutual harmony which is difficult, and it is even more difficult to make it last. I agree; but God put us on earth to take that risk. +I agree; but God put us on earth to take that risk. A man may need to do that, and find it amusing; but a girl is bound by other laws. +A man may need to do that, and find it amusing; but a girl is bound by other laws. I believe you, and I see I must hasten to leave, for otherwise I shall become the unhappiest of men. +I believe you, and I see I must hasten to leave, for otherwise I shall become the unhappiest of men. How so? +How so? By loving you, with no hope of possessing you. +You want my heart? It is my only object. +It is my only object. To make me wretched in two weeks. +To make me wretched in two weeks. To love you until death. To subscribe to all your commands. +To love you until death. To subscribe to all your commands. The amusing thing is that you deceive me without knowing, if it is true that you love me. +The amusing thing is that you deceive me without knowing, if it is true that you love me. Deceiving someone without knowing it is something new for me. If I do not know it, I am innocent. +Deceiving someone without knowing it is something new for me. If I do not know it, I am innocent. But you deceive me nonetheless if I believe you, for it will not be in your power to love me when you love me no longer. +Be so good as to tell me with whom you think you are? With a woman who is completely charming, be she a princess or a woman of the lowest condition, and who, regardless of her rank, will show me some kindness, tonight. +And if she does not choose to show you some kindness? Then I will respectfully take leave of her. +Then I will respectfully take leave of her. You will do as you please. It seems to me that such a matter can hardly be discussed until after people know each other. Do you not agree? +You will do as you please. It seems to me that such a matter can hardly be discussed until after people know each other. Do you not agree? Yes -- but I am afraid of being deceived. +Yes -- but I am afraid of being deceived. Poor man. And, for that reason, you want to begin where people end? +Poor man. And, for that reason, you want to begin where people end? I ask only a payment on account today -- after that, you will find me undemanding, obedient and discreet. +Will we always leave it at this? Always, my dear one, never any further. Love is a child to be pacified with trifles. A full diet can only kill it. +Always, my dear one, never any further. Love is a child to be pacified with trifles. A full diet can only kill it. I know better than you do. Love wants a more substantial fare, and if it is stubbornly withheld, it withers away. +I know better than you do. Love wants a more substantial fare, and if it is stubbornly withheld, it withers away. Our abstinence makes our love immortal. If I loved you a quarter of an hour ago, now I should love you even more. But I should love you less if you exhausted my joy by satisfying all my desires. +Our abstinence makes our love immortal. If I loved you a quarter of an hour ago, now I should love you even more. But I should love you less if you exhausted my joy by satisfying all my desires. Let us give each other complete happiness, and let us be sure that as many times as we satisfy our desires, they will each time be born anew. +Let us give each other complete happiness, and let us be sure that as many times as we satisfy our desires, they will each time be born anew. My husband has convinced me of the contrary. +My husband has convinced me of the contrary. Sir William Cosgrove is a man who is dying, and yet I envy him more than any man in Christendom. He enjoys a privilege of which I am deprived. He may take you in his arms whenever he pleases, and no veil keeps his senses, his eyes, his soul from enjoying your beauty. +Shall I tell you something -- I believed what was called love came after the union -- and I was surprised when my husband, making me a woman, made me know it only by pain, unaccompanied by any pleasure. I saw that my imaginings had stood me in better stead. And so we became only friends, seldom sleeping together and arousing no curiosity in each other, yet on good terms for a while, as whenever he wanted me, I was at his service, but since the offering was not seasoned with love, he found it tasteless, and seldom demanded it. O, my dearest love. Enough! I beg you. Stop believing in your experience. You have never known love. My very soul is leaving me! Catch it on your lips, and give me yours! +Without you, my dearest, I might have died without ever knowing love. Inexpressible love! God of nature! Bitterness than which nothing is sweeter, sweetness than which nothing is more bitter. Divine monster which can only be defined by paradoxes. Let me give a thousand kisses to that heavenly mouth which has told me that I am happy. +Let me give a thousand kisses to that heavenly mouth which has told me that I am happy. As soon as I saw you loved me, I was pleased, and I gave you every opportunity to fall more in love with me, being certain that, for my part, I would never love you. But after our first kiss, I found that I had no power over myself. I did not know that one kiss could matter so much. +As soon as I saw you loved me, I was pleased, and I gave you every opportunity to fall more in love with me, being certain that, for my part, I would never love you. But after our first kiss, I found that I had no power over myself. I did not know that one kiss could matter so much. "We then spent an hour in the most eloquent silence except that, from time to time, her ladyship cried out: ""Oh, my God. Is it true -- I am not dreaming?""" +My Lady Cosgrove's relationship with me was a singular one. Her life was passed in a series of crack-brained sort of alternation between love and hatred for me. We would quarrel for a fortnight, then we should be friends for a month together sometimes. One day, I was joking her, and asking her whether she would take the water again, whether she had found another lover, and so forth. She suddenly burst out into tears, and, after a while, said to me: Roderick, you know well enough that I have never loved but you! Was I ever so wretched that a kind word from you did not make me happy? Ever so angry, but the least offer of good-will on your part did not bring me to your side? Did I not give a sufficient proof of my affection for you in bestowing one of the finest fortunes of England upon you? Have I repined or rebuked you for the way you have wasted it? No, I loved you too much and too fondly; I have always loved you. From the first moment I saw you, I saw your bad qualities, and trembled at your violence; but I could not help loving you. I married you, though I knew I was sealing my own fate in doing so, and in spite of reason and duty. What sacrifice do you want from me? I am ready to make any, so you will but love me, or, if not, that at least, you will gently us me. +Lady Cosgrove, you are an old fool. Old fool! +I accept, but I insist on a wager. The loser must do whatever the winner pleases. Agreed. +Agreed. Do you see the gate at the end of the field? The first to touch it will be the winner. +I feel the ribbon. Then you must get it. +Why are you shaking? With pleasure at finding the ribbon. +I hate Miss Clancy, you know I do! And I only danced with her because -- because -- the person with whom I intended to dance chose to be engaged the whole night. I had not been in the room five minutes before I was engaged for every single set. +I had not been in the room five minutes before I was engaged for every single set. Were you obliged to dance five times with Captain Best, and then stroll out with him into the garden? +Were you obliged to dance five times with Captain Best, and then stroll out with him into the garden? I don't care a fig for Captain Best; he dances prettily to be sure, and is a pleasant rattle of a man. He looks well in his regimentals, too; and if he chose to ask me to dance, how could I refuse him? +I don't care a fig for Captain Best; he dances prettily to be sure, and is a pleasant rattle of a man. He looks well in his regimentals, too; and if he chose to ask me to dance, how could I refuse him? But you refused me, Dorothy. +But you refused me, Dorothy. Oh! I can dance with you any day, and to dance with your own cousin at a ball as if you could find no other partner. Besides, Roderick, Captain Best's a man, and you are only a boy, and you haven't a guinea in the world. +Oh! I can dance with you any day, and to dance with your own cousin at a ball as if you could find no other partner. Besides, Roderick, Captain Best's a man, and you are only a boy, and you haven't a guinea in the world. If ever I meet him again, you shall see which is the best man of the two. I'll fight him with sword or with pistol, captain as he is. +If ever I meet him again, you shall see which is the best man of the two. I'll fight him with sword or with pistol, captain as he is. But Captain Best is already known as a valiant soldier, and is famous as a man of fashion in London. It is mighty well of you to fight farmers' boys, but to fight an Englishman is a very different matter. +Suppose, now, Roderick, you, who are such a hero, was passing over the bridge and the enemy on the other side. I'd draw my sword, and cut my way through them. +I'd draw my sword, and cut my way through them. What, with me on the pillion? Would you kill poor me? +What, with me on the pillion? Would you kill poor me? Well, then, I'll tell you what I'd do. I'd jump Daisy into the river, and swim you both across, where no enemy could follow us. +Well, then, I'll tell you what I'd do. I'd jump Daisy into the river, and swim you both across, where no enemy could follow us. Jump twenty feet! You wouldn't dare to do any such thing on Daisy. There's the captain's horse, Black George, I've heard say that Captain Bes -- +Monster! Your father was a tailor, and you are always thinking of the shop. But I'll have my revenge, I will! Roddy, will you see me insulted? Indeed, Miss Dorothy, I intend to have his blood as sure as my name's Roderick. +I am at your service, Mr. Cosgrove. How much do you wish to spend? As much as possible. +As much as possible. As much as possible? +As much as possible? Yes, for I wish to entertain splendidly. +Yes, for I wish to entertain splendidly. All the same, you must name an amount. +All the same, you must name an amount. It is entirely up to you. I want the best. +Last month, the Duke of Suffolk spent no more. All right, five hundred guineas. +And, to be sure, I did know someone who knew precisely how these things were done, and this was the distinguished solicitor and former Government Minister, Lord West, whose acquaintance I made, as I had so many others, at the gaming table. Do you happen to know Gustavus Adolphus, the thirteenth Earl of Crabs? +Do you happen to know Gustavus Adolphus, the thirteenth Earl of Crabs? By name only. +By name only. Well, sir, this nobleman is one of the gentlemen of His Majesty's closet, and one with whom our revered monarch is on terms of considerable intimacy. I should say you would be wise to fix upon this nobleman your chief reliance for the advancement of your claim to the Viscounty which you propose to get. +Have you done, Mr. Cosgrove? Yes! +Yes! Well, Mr. Cosgrove, I'll answer you point by point. The King is exceedingly averse to make peers, as you know. Your claim, as you call them, have been laid before him, and His Majesty's gracious reply was, that you were the most impudent man in his dominions, and merited a halter, rather than a coronet. As for withdrawing your support from us, you are perfectly welcome to carry yourself whithersoever you please. And, now, as I have a great deal of occupation, perhaps you will do me the favor to retire, or tell me if there is anything else in the world in which I can oblige you. +Does this assignment interest you? Yes, Minister, I am interested in any work in which I can be of service to Captain Galgenstein. +Was he cheated? In so far as I can tell these things -- no. I believe the Chevalier won the money fairly. +In so far as I can tell these things -- no. I believe the Chevalier won the money fairly. Hmm-mmmm. +A meeting with the Prince of Turbingen is impossible. The Prince left him only that choice. +The King has determined to send the Chevalier out of the country. When is he to go? +Then this must be done tomorrow. What is to be done? +What has happened, madam, to annoy your ladyship? "Oh, I am grateful to you, sir. I am the wife of Captain O'Reilly hastening to join him at Dublin. My chair was stopped by a highwayman; this great oaf of a servant-man fell down on his knees, armed as he was, and though there were thirty people in the next field, working, when the ruffian attacked, not one of them would help but, on the contrary, wished him ""good luck.""" +Be off to your work, you pack of rascals, or you will have a good taste of my thong. Have you lost much? Everything -- my purse, containing upwards of a hundred guineas, my jewels, my snuff-boxes, watches. And all because this blundering coward fell to his knees... +That fool didn't know what was the meaning of a hundred-pound bill, which was in the pocket-book that the fellow took from me. I am riding to Dublin myself, and if your ladyship will allow me the honor of riding with you, I shall do my best to protect you from further mishap. +I am riding to Dublin myself, and if your ladyship will allow me the honor of riding with you, I shall do my best to protect you from further mishap. But I shouldn't like to put you to such trouble, Mister...? +But I shouldn't like to put you to such trouble, Mister...? O'Higgins... Mohawk O'Higgins. +As you have been robbed of your purse, may I have permission to lend your ladyship a couple of pieces to pay any expenses which you might incur before reaching your home? That's very kind of you, Mr. O'Higgins. +How different was her lively rattle to the vulgar wenches at Kilwangan assemblies. In every sentence, she mentioned a lord or a person of quality. To the lady's question about my birth and parentage, I replied that I was a young gentleman of large fortune, that I was going to Dublin for my studies, and that my mother allowed me five hundred per annum. You must be very cautious with regard to the company you should meet in Dublin, where rogues and adventurers of all countries abound. I hope you will do me the honor of accepting lodgings in my own house, where Captain O'Reilly will welcome with delight, my gallant young preserver. +I have good news for you, Mr. Cosgrove. The firm of Bracegirdle and Chatwick, in the city of London, are prepared to lend you 20,000 pounds, pledged against your interest in the Edric mines. They will redeem the encumbrances against the property, which amount to some 10,000 pounds, and take a twenty- year working lease on the mines. They will lend you the 20,000 pounds against the lease income, which they will apply to the loan as it comes in, and they will make a charge of 18% per annum interest on the outstanding loan balance. Mr. Newcombe, I have made some difficult loans during the past few years, at very onerous terms, but 18% a year interest seems very stiff indeed. +Mr. Newcombe, I have made some difficult loans during the past few years, at very onerous terms, but 18% a year interest seems very stiff indeed. Considering your financial circumstances, Mr. Cosgrove, it has been impossible to find anyone at all prepared to do any business with you. I think you may count yourself lucky to have this opportunity. But, obviously, if you would reject this offer, I shall keep trying to find a better one. +Considering your financial circumstances, Mr. Cosgrove, it has been impossible to find anyone at all prepared to do any business with you. I think you may count yourself lucky to have this opportunity. But, obviously, if you would reject this offer, I shall keep trying to find a better one. I am prepared to accept the terms, Mr. Newcombe. +I am prepared to accept the terms, Mr. Newcombe. There are a few other points we should discuss. The loan agreement can only be executed by her ladyship's signature, and provided that Bracegirdle and Chatwick can be assured of her ladyship's freewill in giving her signature. +There are a few other points we should discuss. The loan agreement can only be executed by her ladyship's signature, and provided that Bracegirdle and Chatwick can be assured of her ladyship's freewill in giving her signature. Provided that they can be assured of her ladyship's freewill? Are you serious? +Provided that they can be assured of her ladyship's freewill? Are you serious? May I be quite frank with you? +May I be quite frank with you? Yes, of course. +Yes, of course. Mister Bracegirdle said to me that he had heard her ladyship lives in some fear of her life, and meditated a separation, in which case, she might later repudiate any documents signed by herself while in durance, and subject them, at any rate, to a doubtful and expensive litigation. They were quite insistent on this point, and said they must have absolute assurance of her ladyship's perfect freewill in the transaction before they would advance a shilling of their capital. +Mister Bracegirdle said to me that he had heard her ladyship lives in some fear of her life, and meditated a separation, in which case, she might later repudiate any documents signed by herself while in durance, and subject them, at any rate, to a doubtful and expensive litigation. They were quite insistent on this point, and said they must have absolute assurance of her ladyship's perfect freewill in the transaction before they would advance a shilling of their capital. I see. +I see. When I asked them in what form they would accept her ladyship's assurances, they said that they were only prepared to accept them if her ladyship confirms her written consent by word of mouth, in their presence, at their counting-house in Birchin Lane, London. I requested they come here, and save her ladyship and yourself the inconvenience of the trip to London, but they declined, saying that they did not wish to incur the risk of a visit to Castle Hackton to negotiate, as they were aware of how other respectable parties, such as Messrs. Sharp and Salomon had been treated here. +Did you buy the horse, papa? Now, just have a little patience, my boy. Your birthday isn't until next week. +Now, just have a little patience, my boy. Your birthday isn't until next week. But I will have it on my birthday, won't I? +But I will have it on my birthday, won't I? Well, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we? +Good night, papa. Good night, my little darling. +Good night, my little darling. Papa? +Papa? Yes? +Yes? One of the boys in the stable told Nelly that you've already bought my horse, and that it's at Doolan's farm, where Mick the groom is breaking it in. Is that true, papa? +One of the boys in the stable told Nelly that you've already bought my horse, and that it's at Doolan's farm, where Mick the groom is breaking it in. Is that true, papa? What the devil? What kind of fools do we have here? Pottle, who told the lad this story? +I promise your lordship a good flogging if you even so much as go to Doolan's farm to see him. Yes, papa. +Your bother is in America fighting the rebels. Is he all right, papa? +Is he all right, papa? Yes, he's fine. +Yes, he's fine. Brooksy was better than you, papa, he used not to swear so, and he taught me many good things while you were away. +I made Sir William Cosgrove's acquaintance as usual at the play- table. One could not but admire the spirit and gallantry with which he pursued his favorite pastime; for, though worn out with gout and a myriad of diseases, a cripple wheeled about in a chair, and suffering pangs of agony, yet you would see him every morning, and every evening at his post behind the delightful green cloth. Hang it, Mr. Roderick James, you have no more manners than a barber, and I think my black footman has been better educated than you; but you are a young fellow of originality and pluck, and I like you, sir. because you seem determined to go to the devil by a way of your own. +Indeed, you are right, sir. Look at me. Marriage has added forty years to my life. I am dying, a worn-out cripple, at the age of fifty. When I took off Lady Cosgrove, there was no man of my years who looked so young as myself. Fool that I was! I had enough with my pensions, perfect freedom, the best society in Europe -- and I gave up all these, and married and was miserable. Take a warning from me, Mr. Roderick, and stick to the trumps. Do anything, but marry. Would you have me spend my life all alone? +Would you have me spend my life all alone? In truth, sir, yes, but, if you must marry, then marry a virtuous drudge. +In truth, sir, yes, but, if you must marry, then marry a virtuous drudge. The milkmaid's daughter? +The milkmaid's daughter? Well, why not a milkmaid's daughter? No man of sense need restrict himself or deny himself a single amusement for his wife's sake; on the contrary, if he selects the animal properly, he will choose such a one as shall be no bar to his pleasure, but a comfort in his hours of annoyance. For instance, I have got the gout; who tends me? A hired valet who robs me whenever he has the power. My wife never comes near me. What friend have I? None in the wide world. Men of the world, as you and I are, don't make friends, and we are fools for our pains. +Sir William Cosgrove, with his complication of ills, was dying before us by inches. He was continually tinkered up by doctors, and, what with my usual luck, he might be restored to health and live I don't know how many years. If Cosgrove would not die, where was the use of my pursing his lady? But my fears were to prove groundless, for on that very night, patient nature would claim her account. Good evening, Mr. James, have you done with my lady? +Good evening, Mr. James, have you done with my lady? I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? Come, come, sir. I am a man who would rather be known as a cuckold than a fool. +Come, come, sir. I am a man who would rather be known as a cuckold than a fool. I think, Sir William Cosgrove, you have had too much drink. Your chaplin, Mr. Hunt, has introduced me into the company of your lady to advise me on a religious matter, of which she is a considerable expert. +Gentlemen, see this amiable youth! He has been troubled by religious scruples, and has flown for refuge to my chaplin, Mr. Hunt, who has asked for advise from my wife, Lady Cosgrove, and between them both, they are confirming my ingenious young friend in his faith. Did you ever hear of such doctors and such a disciple? Faith, sir, if I want to learn good principles, it's surely better I should apply for them to your lady, and your chaplin than to you? +Faith, sir, if I want to learn good principles, it's surely better I should apply for them to your lady, and your chaplin than to you? He wants to step into my shoes! He wants to step into my shoes! +Well, if my intentions are what you think they are -- if I do wish to step into your shoes, what then? I have no other intentions than you had yourself. Lady Cosgrove's wealth may be great, but am I not of a generous nature enough to use it worthily? Her rank is lofty, but not so lofty as my ambition. I will be sworn to muster just as much regard for my Lady Cosgrove as you ever showed her; and if I win her, and wear her when you are dead and gone, corbleu, knight, do you think that it will be the fear of your ghost will deter me? Is it not a pleasure, gentlemen, for me, as I am drawing near the goal, to find my home such a happy one; my wife so fond of me, that she is even now thinking of appointing a successor? Isn't it a comfort to see her; like a prudent housewife, getting everything ready for her husband's departure? +Is it not a pleasure, gentlemen, for me, as I am drawing near the goal, to find my home such a happy one; my wife so fond of me, that she is even now thinking of appointing a successor? Isn't it a comfort to see her; like a prudent housewife, getting everything ready for her husband's departure? I hope that you are not thinking of leaving us soon, knight? +I hope that you are not thinking of leaving us soon, knight? Not so soon, my dear, as you may fancy perhaps. Why, man, I have been given over many times these four years, and there was always a candidate or two waiting to apply for the situation. Who knows how long I may keep you waiting. +Not so soon, my dear, as you may fancy perhaps. Why, man, I have been given over many times these four years, and there was always a candidate or two waiting to apply for the situation. Who knows how long I may keep you waiting. Sir, let those laugh that win. +Sir, let those laugh that win. I am sorry for you Mr. James. I'm grieved to keep you or any gentleman waiting. Had you not better to arrange with my doctor or get the cook to flavor my omelette with arsenic? What are the odds, gentlemen, that I don't live to see Mr. James hang yet? +Charming Schuvaloff. Black-eyed Sczortarska. +Black-eyed Sczortarska. Dark Valdez. +Dark Valdez. Do you expect me to believe that your lover brought you here tonight? +Do you expect me to believe that your lover brought you here tonight? Yes. He brought me in his carriage, and he will call for me at midnight. +Yes. He brought me in his carriage, and he will call for me at midnight. And he doesn't care about me? +And he doesn't care about me? He is only curious to know who you are. +He is only curious to know who you are. If his love were like mine, he would not permit you to come here. +If his love were like mine, he would not permit you to come here. He loves me, as I love you. +He loves me, as I love you. Will he wish to know the details of this night? +Will he wish to know the details of this night? He will believe that it will please me if he asks about it, and I shall tell him everything except some circumstances which might humiliate him. +He will believe that it will please me if he asks about it, and I shall tell him everything except some circumstances which might humiliate him. Tender Hegenheim. +Don't like 'em, don't eat 'em, don't make no damn difference to me. You know that was like a quadruple negative? +Can I at least have a drink? It's ten thirty in the morning. +It's ten thirty in the morning. Yeah, if you've slept. +Yeah, if you've slept. You know the law -- no liquor before noon. Could lose my license. +You know the law -- no liquor before noon. Could lose my license. "Don't you mean ""don't need no liquor license not taken away from me""?" +Hurricane kept you up, too? Yeah, and I could've used the sleep. I'm supposed to meet people here tonight, try and get some work going. +Bill Styles... Who? +Who? Old friend. Haven't talked to him in -- 911. Can I use your phone? +Don't you ever point a gun at me! I'm -- I'm sorry... +A target, Kendall, cap a fucking target. What's wrong with you? I thought I was gonna have an attack. Go into a fit and bite off my own tongue in the middle of the bayou. Childs could tell I wasn't right. +I thought I was gonna have an attack. Go into a fit and bite off my own tongue in the middle of the bayou. Childs could tell I wasn't right. Just safety your shit and get behind me, okay? I'll take care of this. +Fuck, what the fuck is going on -- What do we do? +What do we do? Whoever it is isn't shooting at us... +I don't want to go -- Fine. +Did -- did you -- It was the grenade you fucking idiot. Look at him! +What about Pike? Maybe he'll be there. Either way, we have to go. +He is the only one unaccounted for. Maybe he's dead too. Maybe you killed them both, Mueller -- +You framed-him... None of that matters now. We got two dead bodies and a story that explains them. You're either with us, or against us -- which is it? +This isn't our area. Whose area is this -- Can anybody hear me! +Hey, I -- Holy fuck... holy fuck, what the fuck did you guys do? We found him like this -- +You killed him you fucking faggot -- We found him like this! Kendall was with me the whole -- Listen to me! +We got -- I don't know, we got separated Before or after the explosion? Mueller -- +Before or after the explosion? Mueller -- I don't know! +Shut the fuck up, you fucking faggot, You just shut the FUCK UP. HEY! +West was one thing, but this -- Shut up, Mueller. +We finished the course and came here, then heard an explosion -- Where's Pike? We don't know. West is dead. +What about you, wandering around alone? At least we have an alibi -- What do you mean, alone? +Holy fuck... Holy fuck, what the fuck did you guys do? We found him like this... +Yeah, right... Shut up. West's dead. +You too? We can still come out of this okay. Pike got free, he got a gun, he came after us. That's the story. +Why not? I asked for a policeman. +I asked for a policeman. You're under military arrest, it's not gonna happen. What's wrong with baseball? +You're under military arrest, it's not gonna happen. What's wrong with baseball? It's... too slow. +It's... too slow. Well, it's a game of anticipation, that's the beauty. +Well, it's a game of anticipation, that's the beauty. I just don't like it. +I just don't like it. What do you like then? +I don't know... I like the Army. C'mon, Ray, everyone hates the Army during Basic. I'll tell you straight, I hated it here. +C'mon, Ray, everyone hates the Army during Basic. I'll tell you straight, I hated it here. You did Basic here? +You did Basic here? Fifteen years ago under Sergeant West. Piece of work, that guy. I remember, he used to have these two silver .45's with ivory handles and if you weren't quick enough, he'd knock you on the head with one of them. He still carry those guns? +There's no need... They're dead, aren't they? +Right. Now, I'm gonna go get you another donut and you think about whether you want to talk more, okay? Okay. +Why'd you ask for a cop, Ray? I'm not telling you what happened. +I'm not telling you what happened. Okay... but I would like to know about the other cadets. What they were like -- nice guys? +Some. Tell me about them. +And those were the guys who went on the exercise with you? Yeah. And that's all I'm saying. +You smoke, Ray? This is one of those interrogation tricks, isn't it? You don't give me a cigarette till I tell you more. +This is one of those interrogation tricks, isn't it? You don't give me a cigarette till I tell you more. No, actually, I just left mine in the car and was hoping you had some. +Hey, Ray! Just had a nice talk with your buddy Kendall -- seems you killed three people! That son of a bitch. +That son of a bitch. That'd be my reaction too -- +That'd be my reaction too -- He's lying. +He's lying. Well, why didn't you say so? We'll just drop all your charges, then -- +Well, why didn't you say so? We'll just drop all your charges, then -- I'm serious -- +"Fuck ""you're serious"", Raymond, you got exactly zero truck with us; right now we'd take the word of a crackhead over yours, so if you've got something to say, say it." Did Kendall tell you about the PX? +So Childs made some side money, so what? People are dead, Ray, and the only one we have to blame is you -- I didn't shoot West -- +I didn't shoot West -- Yeah, we know, Pike did. +I apologize -- You saw West's body. +You saw West's body. Of course -- +And he'd been shot. Yeah -- +You shot Childs and Nunez. They would have killed us both. You want me to write a confession, I'll write a confession. +They would have killed us both. You want me to write a confession, I'll write a confession. You saved Kendall's life -- +You saved Kendall's life -- But not Pike's. +Raymond, for you to have any chance of coming out of this, we need to locate the other bodies and examine them to corroborate your testimony. Otherwise this is just another story -- Mr. Hardy, I joined the army for college money. I didn't ask for any of this -- I tried to do the right thing out there and people got killed. You say finding those bodies'll help me, then go find them. I don't want to die. +We're not finished yet -- You wanna bet? +We don't need the tapes -- Oh, you don't? What else do you have on me? You haven't found any bodies yet, have you? +Oh, you don't? What else do you have on me? You haven't found any bodies yet, have you? We've found all of them. +Not true, Cadet, I've got a gun -- Jesus! +He -- He made me do it -- Do what? +Do what? Hunting -- we had to hunt him -- +I guess Nunez wasn't dead after all. He came after us with a vengeance. You know the rest. And the bodies? +And the bodies? You won't find them. Won't find West, either. He's too good. +I promised them I'd ask you where West and the others are... "Washout rejects, guys he said were ""dumbfucks too stupid to know they dead""..." +"Washout rejects, guys he said were ""dumbfucks too stupid to know they dead""..." He's telling the truth up to a point... +Are you saying Sergeant West tried to kill you? No, ma'am, he just wanted us to quit. Making it through was kind of an honor. Some of the other guys on the base told us that if you could hack Section Eight, Command would consider you at the top of the class. +That first night with Pike. I made the mistake of letting him sit down at around 0300. Tell us about the other guys, the ones West weeded out. +Tell us about the other guys, the ones West weeded out. There were six of us... +He was sickly. Had that shaking thing, whatd'yacall it, epoxy? Epilepsy. +Epilepsy. Yeah. Spent half his time in the infirmary. Only reason he enlisted was his father. West didn't section him till last week. +He said he worked there -- No, did he tell you about it? About the business Childs ran? +No, did he tell you about it? About the business Childs ran? What business? +What business? Pills, shots, you name it, Basic's a lot easier when you don't feel pain -- +Where? The creek bed -- +What about the phosphorous grenade? One went off, yeah, but it didn't touch him -- I thought you knew this -- +Back up. Mueller was alone in the cabin? +Mueller was alone in the cabin? Yeah. +Why didn't you tell us all this in the first place? Would you have believed me? +Where's the cabin? Don't know on a map. West told us it was there, we just found it. Maybe the hurricane took it away. +You kept Kendall alive to corroborate your story and he did it all they way up to the end. You even gave him his own motive in case we decided to burn him, too. Can't do that now, though, can you? +Is that what I did, now? And of course, you can prove all of it. We can prove that you're not Ray Dunbar. Impersonating a fellow Cadet is a court-martial in and of itself -- +We can prove that you're not Ray Dunbar. Impersonating a fellow Cadet is a court-martial in and of itself -- Did I ever claim I was Raymond Dunbar? Was I ever told to state my name rank and serial number for the record? No. You assumed who I was, because I was wearing this uniform. Don't believe me? +Ohhhh, I don't think so... How do you know that? +How do you know that? Just a guess. Maybe they're not where they're supposed to be. Maybe somebody moved them. Habeas Corpus -- no bodies, no crime, and Nunez still plays as self defense. Face it detectives... you have nothing. +Cadet, what's your name! Sir, Dunbar, sir! +Sir, Dunbar, sir! You know how to work a pistol, Dunbar? +You know how to work a pistol, Dunbar? Sir, yes, sir! +Dunbar you are to stand here and guard this nigger for the next twenty- four hours! He is not to be given food, water, or clothes! If he so much as moves, you are to blow his nigger brains out, is that clear? Sir, yes, sir! +Sir, yes, sir! The rest of you, fallout for physicals! +What the fuck is going on? Your weapons, Sergeant. +He wouldn't kill anybody... Oh, bullshit, he's a fucking convict. You know how much he hated West -- +Oh, bullshit, he's a fucking convict. You know how much he hated West -- I hated West, Childs hated West, everyone with a goddamn brain hated West but that doesn't mean we killed him! +Shut up. Let me see your grenades. Why? +Why? We were each given three so whoever killed West will be missing one. +Jesus, what happened? West... he's dead. +Pike and I got separated... then I heard gunfire. Close. So did we. Why didn't you come? +So you killed him? I... +Whose blood is that, Jay? West's. Any kindling for afire? +What do you mean, West's? I mean I killed him. Isn't that what we all wanted? +Where have you been, Jay? Wandering through a hurricane trying to find this place. It's gettin' bad out there -- Where's West? +Roberto, what the fuck? We just want to check your pack -- +We just want to check your pack -- Why? +You know it's not like that -- Do I? +Right? Yeah... +You gotta untie me. I didn't do this thing, Ray. You hated West more than any of us. +You hated West more than any of us. Maybe, but that don't make me a killer -- +Maybe, but that don't make me a killer -- You're the only one missing a grenade. +You're the only one missing a grenade. Which anyone coulda taken out of my gear on the chopper. Were you watching your pack on the ride in? +Ray, this is my life here. I ain't gonna pretend I'm not happy West is gone, but you know I couldn't have done this. It's not in me. If not you, then who? +If not you, then who? Mueller. +Mueller. Oh, come on -- +Oh, come on -- We're sweeping our area and suddenly he's gone. Couple minutes later, phosphorous grenade pops off about a third of a click away -- +We're sweeping our area and suddenly he's gone. Couple minutes later, phosphorous grenade pops off about a third of a click away -- That's exactly what he says about you. +That's exactly what he says about you. Who you gonna trust, Ray? Him or your friend? +You hated West, Mueller loved him -- Enough to go to prison? Childs' PX scam, Mueller was in on it -- +Enough to go to prison? Childs' PX scam, Mueller was in on it -- Bullshit. +Bullshit. Look in my pack. +Look in my pack. Why? +Why? Just look. Little pocket. +Combat grade morphine. Mueller sold it to me. You're lying -- +You're lying -- Pull up my sleeve. Right arm. +Why... why didn't you tell me? Becoming a morphine addict during Basic ain't exactly something you want to broadcast. Only Mueller and Childs know. +That still doesn't mean you didn't kill him. You saw West, right? How was he killed? +You saw West, right? How was he killed? Full clip to the body -- +Full clip to the body -- From up close or far away? +From up close or far away? His chest was hamburger -- +His chest was hamburger -- That's close range. You go full auto on a guy from close range, you're gonna be swimming in blood. Look at my uniform. Nothing. +Way I figure it, West must have found out about their little business and was gonna bust them, so they decided to get rid of him first... They? +They? Mueller and Childs. One of them must've taken the grenade from my pack on the chopper... +I... I don't know... What don't you know? +What don't you know? This is a lot of information to be getting... I have to think -- +There's no time to think, Ray, we gotta get out of here! You untie me, we grab the guns, get Kendall and Nunez, and make a run for it -- No... no, we can just wait till we get back and then tell the M.P.'s -- +No... no, we can just wait till we get back and then tell the M.P.'s -- We wait and I'm a dead man. I got a black face, a criminal record, and over a hundred other cadets who'll testify how much I hated West -- my court martial will take six minutes. It's either me or them, Ray, and you gotta decide right now. +A test will no doubt link you to the killing -- Put it down! +You... I've seen you around the Base. But you... You're not Army, are you? Coast Guard, special detective detail. We feel this incident may have put the beaches of Florida at risk. +That's it. You're that policeman with friends in low places. Tell me, how's Guissepe Torres doing these days? Those racketeering indictments must have really been a downer -- Levi, you got about four hours before armed men show up here, put you on a plane to Washington, and lock you in a very small dark room. I suggest you talk to us. +I've done nothing wrong. I'm the victim here. But not the only victim, right? +But not the only victim, right? My, my, my, how did things turn so hostile so quickly? If I didn't know better, I'd say you two were out to get me. +My father is a powerful man. Over the years he's used that power to protect me, in one form or another, from certain... unpleasantries. I am a homosexual. Senator Daddy must be thrilled. +Senator Daddy must be thrilled. He is not, shall we say, wild about the idea. He has asked me on numerous occasions to be more discreet about my proclivities, and I have done my best to oblige him. However, in the last four weeks, I began a relationship with another cadet. What do you think of that? +He is not, shall we say, wild about the idea. He has asked me on numerous occasions to be more discreet about my proclivities, and I have done my best to oblige him. However, in the last four weeks, I began a relationship with another cadet. What do you think of that? "I think you just blew ""Don't Ask, Don't Tell"" out of the fucking water." +"I think you just blew ""Don't Ask, Don't Tell"" out of the fucking water." The Sergeant discovered this relationship and wanted me expelled. My father interceded, so instead, West Sectioned me and made sure every other cadet knew that I was gay. +"Levi, I don't know if you're familiar with investigative work, but we have this little thing called ""motive"" and you just gave yourself one." You said you wanted to know what happened -- I'm telling you the truth. +You said you wanted to know what happened -- I'm telling you the truth. "What happened to ""degrees""?" +"What happened to ""degrees""?" I didn't kill him -- +I didn't kill him -- Then who did? +Maybe I shouldn't tell you that. Maybe I should tell you I wasn't scared at all. But I was... Enough to almost kill him. But you didn't. +But you didn't. No. Poetic justice, though. +He admitted it. Right in front of us. Mueller went after him but we held him back. +Why did he come back for you? I honestly don't know. Maybe to have someone to cover for him. And I wish I could, but there's no doubt in my mind he killed those men. +Okay. I think that's it. He rises and walks to the door. Mr. Hardy? +Somebody emptied a full clip into him -- Stop. +You tried to pin three stone murders on Dunbar -- How many murders did you cover up? One? Five? Maybe an even ten. +How many murders did you cover up? One? Five? Maybe an even ten. Can I go to jail for punching a guy who's been shot? +Epileptic attacks are murder on your system. Rattle your internal organs like a paint mixer. My heart weeps. +Is it the truth? There's that word again. As I told you, I wasn't in the room when everyone started shooting. +Why did you tell us he shot everybody, Levi? You put him in for three murders, the man saved your life -- So I should stay silent about his misdeeds? The guns went off, I ran in, Childs shot me, Pike and Mueller were dead, and Dunbar was running out the door with the smoking gun -- +So I should stay silent about his misdeeds? The guns went off, I ran in, Childs shot me, Pike and Mueller were dead, and Dunbar was running out the door with the smoking gun -- Dunbar was running out the door? Ohhhhhh... See that's where I was confused, because I thought you said Nunez was running out the door. +Dunbar was running out the door? Ohhhhhh... See that's where I was confused, because I thought you said Nunez was running out the door. No. I said Dunbar. +No. I said Dunbar. "Huh. You know, I really thought you said Nunez. I thought you said ""Dunbar was gone,"" My fault, I gotta check the tape on that. Oh, yeah we taped the last interview. This one too. Cause it'd be a real break for us to catch you in a lie." +"I believe your next line is ""What are you trying to hide?""" Well? +Well? Sorry to disappoint. I'm on painkillers for the injury -- they cloud the mind. You're right, it was Nunez. Any more questions? +Dunbar will testify that you were. Then we'll leave it up to the courts -- His word against mine. What does his father do again? Steelworker? Doesn't matter, I'm sure justice will be served. In any case, my father will definitely want to talk to you about all these questions, these accusations on his son. He's quite protective. +Something funny, Levi? I was just thinking of what's going to happen to your careers when my father gets through with you. +Jail if he's lucky, the gas chamber if he's not -- I didn't do anything -- +Why? Because of what I saw. Who really killed West. +How do you know? Because I was standing next to him. +Or you, Levi? When is it finally going to come out that you were the one who killed him? I didn't -- +I didn't -- But you can't prove it! You can't prove anything until we find the bodies! +You lied to us, Levi, you're going to the gas chamber unless you tell us where to find them! I don't know -- +I don't know -- Where are they! +Where are they! Maybe -- +Maybe -- MAYBE WHAT -- +MAYBE WHAT -- Maybe he... +How are you? Been better. I read about what's been happening with you... I should have called -- +Been better. I read about what's been happening with you... I should have called -- What kind of trouble are you in? +That bad? Would I have called you if it wasn't? If there was any other way -- +Would I have called you if it wasn't? If there was any other way -- Tell me what I can do. +This is Warrant Officer Julia Osborne, the closest thing we have to an in- house investigator. And here you are going out of house. How's that make you feel, Jules? +"The official term for it is ""Clusterfuck"". By the time Beth hit us, I'd canceled all off base exercises save one -- a six man cadet team and their Drill out in the bush. We're missing three and the Sergeant. The cadets are in their eighth week of the cycle, nobody here knows much about them, up to and including their names. But the Sergeant..." It's not West, is it? Tell me it's not West. +A few years ago, the Army picked our good buddy as their go to non-com to trot out to the press to talk about the kinder, gentler military. He even did the standard video greeting played to all incoming Basic cadets across the country. Well, he's a good soldier. +"The exercise was one of his Section Eight ""private sessions"". Left around 2100 yesterday and were scheduled for pick up at 0630 this morning." And the problem is you only got three. +And the problem is you only got three. No, the problem is one's dead, one's got a bullet in his arm, and one won't talk. The one who won't talk was trading live fire with the dead one as we reached the pick-up. +No, the problem is one's dead, one's got a bullet in his arm, and one won't talk. The one who won't talk was trading live fire with the dead one as we reached the pick-up. I'm assuming that's what made him the dead one? +I'm assuming that's what made him the dead one? Cadet Roberto R. Nunez. Killed right in front of me. +Which gives us about five hours. Why'd you call me? The guy in interrogation said he'd only talk to a cop. +The guy in interrogation said he'd only talk to a cop. And I'm the closest thing to it, right? +Tom, bottom line: I let those kids go out there. If JAG shows up and I don't have any answers for them, my career is finished -- I'm not gonna let that happen. +He's not done by a longshot, I can get more out of him -- He can wait. Kendall's out of surgery. +Pike killed West, Dunbar killed Mueller, Childs, and Nunez. Who killed Pike? +Who killed Pike? Someone must have got a shot off. He wasn't exactly a moving target. +We've already been over the terrain twice. Nothing. There was a hurricane, Bill, the wind probably moved it. +There was a hurricane, Bill, the wind probably moved it. Habeas Corpus -- you have to have a body to have a crime. +Habeas Corpus -- you have to have a body to have a crime. Okay, then let's widen the search to include the endzone in Giants Stadium and the trunk of my car -- +Okay, then let's widen the search to include the endzone in Giants Stadium and the trunk of my car -- Without the body we have no physical proof. We need a confession. +Without the body we have no physical proof. We need a confession. From Dunbar? I hate to break this to you, but I don't think he's gonna be all that psyched to put himself in for the death penalty. +From Dunbar? I hate to break this to you, but I don't think he's gonna be all that psyched to put himself in for the death penalty. Nevertheless -- +Nevertheless -- Nevertheless what'? Kendall will testify and that'll be enough. +Nevertheless what'? Kendall will testify and that'll be enough. Not for me. +You mean not enough to save you. JAG gets here in three hours. Try for the confession. +Tom, where are you going -- Home, I'm done. +Home, I'm done. What about the confession? +You want a confession? Why don't you confess, Bill: people are dead and you don't give a shit about it! Only reason you called me is to protect your fucking job, you know this is your fault -- What the hell are you talking about -- +What the hell are you talking about -- I'm talking about West! We had him, Bill, we were there. You're the fucking Base Commander, you knew what he did to Cadets and you let him go on the way he always he has -- +What I said before -- Was dead right. You think Dunbar's on the level? +Was dead right. You think Dunbar's on the level? Yeah. +Yeah. Does Osborne agree? +It's over. Time of death was 4:42. JAG's been notified and I called the Senator myself. My report will reflect that his medical condition made this unavoidable... you two had no culpability in the matter. That's horseshit and you know it. +That's horseshit and you know it. Maybe. But it's my fault and I'll carry it. +You think you could explain all this to me? I wouldn't know where to start. I guess it was about one man framing another. He thought if the other guy got blamed, people would over look his own wrong doings. +They're taking your command, aren't they? The Senator... +I'm sorry, Bill. Don't be. I'm not cut out to deal with the West's of the world. +Don't be. I'm not cut out to deal with the West's of the world. You're a good soldier, Bill. +You're a good soldier, Bill. I thought you said that wasn't a compliment. +It was so good, I actually forgot you're one of the bigger dogs now. The Base Commander. The one in control. You couldn't let him testify, could you? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? If you let him testify then it would have all come out. West was supposed to take care of it out there, shut Nunez up and then disappear. But it got messy and people got killed. So you called your old pal Tom Hardy, figuring if worse came to worse, he'd cover for you. +If you let him testify then it would have all come out. West was supposed to take care of it out there, shut Nunez up and then disappear. But it got messy and people got killed. So you called your old pal Tom Hardy, figuring if worse came to worse, he'd cover for you. You're drunk -- +You're drunk -- I'm not going to cover for you, Bill. Not for this. +Stay where you are. Or what? You've gone round the bend -- +Or what? You've gone round the bend -- West had a partner. Someone who knew how to get things done. +What I can't understand is why you signed these. If you'd just let West take care of the paperwork, no one would have known, but you got careless. So when Pike finally told the truth you had to get rid of him, too. That's preposterous -- +That's preposterous -- Toxicology report came back. Kendall's attack was caused by a drug known as anephadrine, maybe you've heard of it. It's for asthmatics. If an epileptic takes enough, it kills them. I checked with the nurses at the hospital -- you're the only other person who visited Kendall. +Toxicology report came back. Kendall's attack was caused by a drug known as anephadrine, maybe you've heard of it. It's for asthmatics. If an epileptic takes enough, it kills them. I checked with the nurses at the hospital -- you're the only other person who visited Kendall. I wanted to see if he was okay -- +I wanted to see if he was okay -- You poisoned him, Bill. You heard our interrogation, you knew he was ready to crack, so you killed him, just like Pike. +You poisoned him, Bill. You heard our interrogation, you knew he was ready to crack, so you killed him, just like Pike. I'm not even going to dignify that -- +I'm not even going to dignify that -- No! You will stand there and you will listen! What happened to you, Bill? You were the one who joined up to do good in the world. You were the one who believed in it -- +No! You will stand there and you will listen! What happened to you, Bill? You were the one who joined up to do good in the world. You were the one who believed in it -- You want to get into a finger pointing contest about character? The army kicked you out for drugs, the cops fired you for taking bribes from a mobster, and you think you can stand there and lecture me on codes of conduct? There's only one criminal standing in this room and it's you. +You want to get into a finger pointing contest about character? The army kicked you out for drugs, the cops fired you for taking bribes from a mobster, and you think you can stand there and lecture me on codes of conduct? There's only one criminal standing in this room and it's you. Not for long. +No more witnesses. West's a ghost. But it doesn't matter because we have your signature, the hospital log, and Kendall's toxicology report. And that'll be enough. You're crazy -- +You're crazy -- You can't duck this, Bill. I may have done every goddamn thing in my life wrong but I won't let this happen. +You can't duck this, Bill. I may have done every goddamn thing in my life wrong but I won't let this happen. For the last time, I have no idea what you're talking about -- +For the last time, I have no idea what you're talking about -- Get your hands away from the desk! +Hostile and uncooperative. Fantastic. You want to tell me what's going on? +Ah, Christ You knew Sergeant West? +You knew Sergeant West? He was our Drill here. Man's older than sand. +I didn't mean that as a compliment. Sergeant West's served for twenty- three years. He's the public face of the modern Army. +Sergeant West's served for twenty- three years. He's the public face of the modern Army. And you notice I'm not in the Army anymore. +Gotta be honest, I love what you've done with the place -- You and the Colonel go back. +You and the Colonel go back. He got me through Basic and a lot of other stuff. I owe him. +He got me through Basic and a lot of other stuff. I owe him. You're the Tom Hardy I've been reading about in the papers, right? New Orleans PD fired you for taking bribes from Guissepe Torres. +You're the Tom Hardy I've been reading about in the papers, right? New Orleans PD fired you for taking bribes from Guissepe Torres. It was for suspicion of bribery, it's really all in the wording -- +It was for suspicion of bribery, it's really all in the wording -- Wording and your friendship with the Colonel aside, I'm not comfortable having you involved in this. +Wording and your friendship with the Colonel aside, I'm not comfortable having you involved in this. Subtlety really isn't one of you finer points, is it, Osborne? +Three things. First -- You don't have a choice. Second -- I've never taken a bribe in my life. And Third -- I'm still a little drunk from last night, so if I skip over the witty banter and move forward to straight hitting on you, try not to take offense. Tell me about the two guys. Hurricane knocked out our Mainframe, so all we have are their dogtags. Cadets Raymond Dunbar and Levi Kendall -- +Hurricane knocked out our Mainframe, so all we have are their dogtags. Cadets Raymond Dunbar and Levi Kendall -- Levi? Who names their kid Levi -- +Levi? Who names their kid Levi -- Senator Jonathan Kendall, of Ohio. +Senator Jonathan Kendall, of Ohio. Christ... Remind me to thank Bill for mentioning that on the phone -- +Christ... Remind me to thank Bill for mentioning that on the phone -- Kendall Junior is still in surgery, so he won't be available to answer for his name or anything else for another hour -- the cadet we're talking to first is Dunbar. +Kendall Junior is still in surgery, so he won't be available to answer for his name or anything else for another hour -- the cadet we're talking to first is Dunbar. He's in interrogation? +He's in interrogation? Yes. +Yes. Move him. +Move him. Why? +Why? Because interrogation rooms look suspiciously like interrogation rooms, which doesn't exactly put people at ease. Is he cute? +Because interrogation rooms look suspiciously like interrogation rooms, which doesn't exactly put people at ease. Is he cute? Excuse me? +Excuse me? Is Dunbar cute? +Is Dunbar cute? That is the most unprofessional -- +That is the most unprofessional -- Is he handsome, self assured, carry himself well, does he look you in the eyes or down at the floor, does he have good bones, suggesting good breeding, does he slouch or sit up straight -- these are important questions, as they reveal a great deal about this man's character so please get over yourself for two and a half seconds and tell me is he cute? +Thank you. At some point in there I'm gonna rub my nose. When I do, go at him with everything you got. Good cop/bad cop? +Good cop/bad cop? Something like that. +I questioned him for three hours and he didn't make a sound. You don't have a badge, he won't talk to you. Ten bucks says I have him talking in under three minutes. +The Colonel saw you shoot Nunez, you're a murderer -- "See, Ray, this is what we call ""good cop, bad cop"". She shouts, I stand up for you, you're grateful, a bond of trust is established." +Baseball? I believe somebody owes me ten dollars -- +I believe somebody owes me ten dollars -- You made me look like an idiot -- +You made me look like an idiot -- Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know the object of the interrogation is to make you look good -- Everyone knows good cop, bad cop -- by admitting it I appeared trustworthy. +You really want to make banal chit- chat like that now? You're right. We should sit in silence. +You're right. We should sit in silence. We're in the middle of a murder case -- +We're in the middle of a murder case -- Best time for banal chit-chat. +What is that? Microrecorder for Kendall -- didn't have time to wire his room. Now tell me why you joined the army or I'll jab this pen through your neck. +Typical army brat story. Dad was noncom, Mom was a Nurse. There was never any real doubt of joining up. You had a mobile of bayonets above your crib. +You had a mobile of bayonets above your crib. Something like that. You? +Something like that. You? I lost a bet. +You're kidding. Yeah. That's just the story I tell the girls to get them into bed. Truth is... I don't know. The whole honor and duty thing. Make a difference in the world, crap like that. Didn't really work out. +This is the straight hitting on me you were talking about, isn't it? The very same. +The very same. You do understand that there's absolutely no way I could ever be attracted to you, right? +You do understand that there's absolutely no way I could ever be attracted to you, right? I plan to grow on you. +I plan to grow on you. You're off to a late start. +You're off to a late start. So noted. +You guys really got the shit kicked out of you here. Imagine what it must have been like for them out there. What do you think of Dunbar? +Imagine what it must have been like for them out there. What do you think of Dunbar? He's telling the truth, up to a point. +He's telling the truth, up to a point. What point? +Something wrong? Being back here. Gives me the willies. +Being back here. Gives me the willies. Not the happiest of memories? +Remember, he's the son of a Senator, so go easy. Kid gloves. Got it. +That was kid gloves? Have no fear, Osborne, we have not yet begun to fight. +But we have to question him -- Thought you didn't have cigarettes -- I lied. Wait for it... +"""Too neat."" How long have you been an investigator?" I don't think that has anything to do with -- +I don't think that has anything to do with -- That means under a year. Let me explain what ten years of police work has taught me -- murder is basic. There are no conspiracies, no grand mysteries, and no evil puppet masters behind it all, pulling the strings; murder is shitty people doing a shitty thing to other shitty people -- it doesn't always make sense but it's always neat. Dunbar's our guy. +I just... He came back for Kendall. I don't think he's capable of murder. Everyone's capable of murder, Osborne. +Look, all we've got is what Kendall says, and he didn't actually witness any deaths except Nunez. He found West, he saw Mueller and Pike, but just their bodies -- he didn't see any crime committed. Well, I'm sure if he'd known this was all going to happen he'd have tried harder to witness it for you -- +Why the fuck wasn't he in restraints? I don't know. +Styles couldn't reassign him, he's a legend -- You knew what he was capable of and you just stood by. It was just a matter of time till somebody fragged his ass, and you know what? He deserved it. There's your confession. +Goddammit, Hardy, you can't just leave -- Watch me. +Watch me. You said you owed Styles and now you're gonna turn your back on him? +West was a monster! Fifteen years ago, I was here, I was Section Eight, I was Pike. Fuck being the knife dummy -- that thing he did, stripping Pike down, making him stand outside all night? He did that every year, he did that to me. Fifteen years ago, I wanted him dead, and now I'm supposed to care that somebody offed him? Sorry, no can do. I tried. You did more than try. You cracked Dunbar in less than three minutes, as an investigator you're phenomenal -- +You did more than try. You cracked Dunbar in less than three minutes, as an investigator you're phenomenal -- Phenomenal at taking bribes, right? +I was starting to believe you, you know? That you weren't who everyone said. I guess I was wrong -- "Oh, spare me the reverse psychology bullshit! This isn't my ""great second chance"", Osborne. Everyone thinks I'm a piece of shit cop who took money and nothing is going to change that. Nobody will ever know what happens here --" +"Oh, spare me the reverse psychology bullshit! This isn't my ""great second chance"", Osborne. Everyone thinks I'm a piece of shit cop who took money and nothing is going to change that. Nobody will ever know what happens here --" But you will. +Why do you care? Because it's my job. Because people are dead. Because of the whole honor and duty thing, make a difference in the world, crap like that. We can do this, Hardy. +I didn't shoot West... What? +What? Dunbar... He said he didn't shoot West. West wasn't shot, Kendall said he was blown apart by a phosphorous grenade and Dunbar never saw the body. +At least you and Kendall agree on that. What happened next? +Talk it through: Childs, Mueller, and Nunez know they're going out on the regular Tuesday Night drill, hurricane or no hurricane, so they plan it: Kill West, pin it on Pike. And they're smart about it. They know when you commit a crime you know is going to be investigated, you need a fall guy and for that to work, you have to have a witness. +And they're smart about it. They know when you commit a crime you know is going to be investigated, you need a fall guy and for that to work, you have to have a witness. Dunbar. +Dunbar. Exactly, someone who's not involved, who's word can't be questioned. You only let them see what you want them to see, you make them believe, so when the time comes, they've totally bought into your version of events. +Exactly, someone who's not involved, who's word can't be questioned. You only let them see what you want them to see, you make them believe, so when the time comes, they've totally bought into your version of events. They believe the innocent are guilty and the guilty are innocent. +They believe the innocent are guilty and the guilty are innocent. And if they're asked, that's what they'll tell the, world. +And if they're asked, that's what they'll tell the, world. So it's a good plan but it goes wrong; Mueller flips out and shoots their fall guy, which means they have to bring Dunbar and Kendall into the cover story -- +So it's a good plan but it goes wrong; Mueller flips out and shoots their fall guy, which means they have to bring Dunbar and Kendall into the cover story -- Kendall maybe would have agreed, but the hurricane buttfucks the cabin -- +Kendall maybe would have agreed, but the hurricane buttfucks the cabin -- Buttfucks the cabin? +Buttfucks the cabin? And all hell breaks loose. A lot of Good guys shoot a lot of bad guys and whiz, bang, zoom, happy ending. +And all hell breaks loose. A lot of Good guys shoot a lot of bad guys and whiz, bang, zoom, happy ending. So why, after Dunbar drags Kendall out from under a house, does the Senator's son try and get us to put his savior in the gas chamber? +So why, after Dunbar drags Kendall out from under a house, does the Senator's son try and get us to put his savior in the gas chamber? That bugs you too? +That bugs you too? Little bit. +Little bit. Let's go talk to Bill... +We're fucked, I know -- They got their stories straight. +They got their stories straight. What? +What? "What Kendall said -- ""the type of guys you don't feel comfortable going to sleep around."" That's what Dunbar said about Childs to the letter." +"What Kendall said -- ""the type of guys you don't feel comfortable going to sleep around."" That's what Dunbar said about Childs to the letter." Are you sure? +Are you sure? Positive. Hardy, they planned this. +Why don't you talk to Levi off the record for a second? Good idea. +That's a fantastic idea -- See, I just take your gun to the morgue and fire it into one of their skulls; then I call every newspaper in the country with the story about how Senator Kendall's gay son went nuts on a training mission -- +I pushed him too hard. You couldn't have known -- +You couldn't have known -- Yeah, I could've. Should've. +Yeah, I could've. Should've. You wanted to get the truth. +You wanted to get the truth. No, I didn't. I wanted to humiliate him. For what he did to Dunbar. For fucking over the little guy. +No, I didn't. I wanted to humiliate him. For what he did to Dunbar. For fucking over the little guy. You mean the falsely accused? +You wanted to break him. Yeah. +Yeah. So did I. +So what now? Now I go home, get drunk, and try and forget this ever happened. +Now I go home, get drunk, and try and forget this ever happened. Think it'll work? +Think it'll work? Nah. +You know, you never told me why you left the army. It dawned on me one day that we were supposed to be a nation founded on the principle of questioning authority... and all I did here was follow orders. It didn't add up. Plus, I got kicked out. +It dawned on me one day that we were supposed to be a nation founded on the principle of questioning authority... and all I did here was follow orders. It didn't add up. Plus, I got kicked out. For what? +For what? That's gonna stay my secret. +We were close to something with Kendall. Maybe... Maybe we were nowhere near. Sometimes mysteries stay mysteries. I haven't by any chance grown on you, have I? +Maybe... Maybe we were nowhere near. Sometimes mysteries stay mysteries. I haven't by any chance grown on you, have I? No. +No. Good, just making sure. +Four -- Get in. +We got maybe three minutes till they break it down. Right back where we started. +Hardy, what are you doing -- Isn't this how your story goes? +We can tie you to the chair if it'll work better for you -- Hardy, for Chrissakes -- +Hardy, for Chrissakes -- WHERE'S WEST'S BODY? +No bodies, no West... No death certificates. No crime. +We need to talk -- Seven. +What? "Seven guys. What was it you said? You were ""just starting to believe I wasn't the guy people said""." +This isn't the time -- This is the perfect time. You know what makes a good detective? The number of confessions they get. You're a good detective, Osborne. So now you get mine. +This is the perfect time. You know what makes a good detective? The number of confessions they get. You're a good detective, Osborne. So now you get mine. What if I don't want it? +What if I don't want it? Tough. +That's not true. There are degrees of truth, officer. Always degrees. +There are degrees of truth, officer. Always degrees. You're a good man, Hardy. +You're a good man, Hardy. Really. +Really. Far as I'm concerned, whatever you did in the past can stay in the past. +West? Nobody saw. But I don't think so. +Do I have a choice in this? Yeah. I can wait till you're off the base and do it myself. +What are you doing out here? Leaving without saying goodbye. What are you gonna do? +Leaving without saying goodbye. What are you gonna do? Go home, get drunk, and try and forget this ever happened. +Go home, get drunk, and try and forget this ever happened. Think it'll work? +Think it'll work? Nah. +Nah. Want company? +A word of advice about women -- that first hour or so after they kill their boss? Probably not the best time to hit on them. I should probably write that down. +I should probably write that down. Yeah. +Your phone number? In case you need me to testify about the shooting. They'll clear you. +He was your friend. Yeah. But he was a lot of other things, too. Thanks. +The thing is, we've got a real opportunity here. You turn me in tomorrow and we're both fucked -- What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? A gay Senator's son who let his Sarge get fragged on a training exercise? The press'll crucify you and your father. His career will be over and it'll be your fault. But we do this different and you come out a hero. +How? Mueller. He's as bad as West and we both know it. Now I can't do it, cause I'm tied up, but we get the others to go along -- +Mueller. He's as bad as West and we both know it. Now I can't do it, cause I'm tied up, but we get the others to go along -- I don't think I want to hear this -- +I don't think I want to hear this -- Someone else can do the deed, it doesn't have to be you. Maybe Nunez too, he's got a tendency to follow Mueller, but the rest of us can come out ahead -- the guys who took out their Sergeant's killers! We'll move the bodies out to the creek and say we came over the hill right as they fragged West, all we gotta do is tell the story right. +Pike, please -- Although that won't matter much when coupled with the murder charge -- +Maybe we shouldn't go. The faggot speaks. +The faggot speaks. You ever been in a hurricane, Mueller? +You ever been in a hurricane, Mueller? You ever been in a hurricane, Mueller? +We should tell him we're not going. "Oh, yeah, ""Excuse me, Sergeant, sir, we don't feel like going out -- we don't want to get rained on."" He'll kick our asses from here to Cleveland." +They found him. Poor fucker was practically blown in half -- Poor fucker my ass... +Poor fucker my ass... You better watch it, faggot, I'm not sure you and Childs didn't do him -- +Pike and I got separated -- Yeah and he doesn't know when -- +Yeah and he doesn't know when -- I remember now, it was before the explosion -- +I remember now, it was before the explosion -- Oh, you remember now -- +Oh, you remember now -- I'm about two seconds away from seeing if fairies really can fly -- +I was freezing from the hurricane -- So you took off your shirt? +So you took off your shirt? To start a fire, goddammit! What about him, huh? Maybe he offed the Sarge and changed shirts, brought an extra one in his pack. Y'ever think of that? Go ahead, cut him loose! First chance he gets, he'll waste the rest of us, that's how they work -- +We just want -- "What, ""The Truth""? Please. There are degrees of truth, officer, always degrees. Things are not what they seem." +He couldn't kick you out so he wanted you to quit on your own. He wanted more than that. +He said what? """You're gonna die tonight, faggot"". Clear as day." +"""You're gonna die tonight, faggot"". Clear as day." No one else heard it? +No one else heard it? He whispered it in my ear. +Nunez was chasing Dunbar. Because he'd shot Mueller. +Because he'd shot Mueller. But you didn't see it, right? +But you didn't see it, right? Like I said, I was in the kitchen. When I came out, Mueller and Pike were dead, Nunez and Childs were hit and Dunbar was gone. +Pike never confessed. We've been making progress, I see. +Running out of time, are we? Tick- tock, tick-tock, how long till your witnesses fly the coop? Fifty minutes. +Fifty minutes. Not much time to solve the crime. Tell me, detective, how did it feel taking blood money from Guissepe Torres? Did it weigh on your conscience or did you just not think about it? +Pike never confessed. No, but it got you interested, didn't it? Got you to dig. Inspired Ray to tell you terribly sordid tales about drugs and creek beds and dead little sergeants who stuck their noses where they didn't belong. +Dunbar says you were. Then he's mistaken. You know, I really don't think my father would approve of this line of questioning -- +You and Dunbar got your stories straight. Little details, little inconsistencies, designed to bounce us back from one of you to the other, asking questions, killing time, until the transport arrives and whisks you away to where Senator Daddy can protect you. You think you're just going to slide out of this? You're an accessory to murder, Levi, you're going to jail -- You can't threaten me -- +It doesn't matter, Levi. We're going to find those bodies and when we do, I'm going to make sure one of them has a bullet in them that matches your weapon -- What? +It won't work -- It will and you know why? Because you're not a person anymore, you're a cadet in the United States Army; you have no identity, no Miranda warning, and no rights. So I'm gonna throw you to the wolves, and unlike you, I'm gonna get away with it, because you're pissing me off! +Enjoy your flight to Washington -- Wait -- +Wait -- What. +Dunbar's telling the truth. Wrong answer -- +Wrong answer -- We did get our stories straight, but not because we killed anyone. It was because I threatened him. +Who, Levi -- Childs. +I told him what had really happened to West. Told him to keep quiet about it or I'd destroy him. Because if it came out that I was involved with the whole PX scam, my father would be finished. I scared Dunbar into silence. He's been trying to cover for me the whole time. We got here, you came to see me... I didn't know if I could trust him with that kind of secret -- +I scared Dunbar into silence. He's been trying to cover for me the whole time. We got here, you came to see me... I didn't know if I could trust him with that kind of secret -- So you framed him. The same way Childs was going to frame Pike. +What happened with Nunez? He came after us. And I told Dunbar he had to kill him... +Hurricane's due after midnight and we're still going out? Toughens us up, Pike. You don't like it, quit. +What the fuck happened to you -- What the fuck happened to you? One minute you're next to me and the next you're gone and the sky lights up like fucking Christmas -- +Whoever shot the Sarge blew a grenade first -- Blame the nigger, then, huh? Someone turns up dead, you just look for the darkest face in the crowd -- +Thank God... What the fuck are you doing? +This place is going, Mueller. We gotta move -- Shut the fuck up. He was gonna cut him loose. +We all know what you did, Pike. I don't know what kind of nigger voodoo you been working in here, but -- Where's your shirt, Mueller? +Where's your shirt, Mueller? I used it to start the fire -- +I used it to start the fire -- Still got mine on, not a speck of blood on it. Not a bad trick for a murderer -- you said you burned yours? +Goddammit, Ray, we gotta get out of here -- We're not going anywhere. +Cadet Michael Mueller, I hereby place you under military arrest for the murder of Sergeant Nathan West -- The fuck are you talking about -- +The fuck are you talking about -- You are to be stripped of all weapons and placed under guard -- +You are to be stripped of all weapons and placed under guard -- Bullshit -- +Bullshit -- Until we return to base, and ballistics can match your weapon to the slugs in Sergeant West's body -- +Until we return to base, and ballistics can match your weapon to the slugs in Sergeant West's body -- Shut up! +Tell him to shut up -- -- failure to comply with this arrest is a court martialable offense in and of itself -- +Sign here and here. Hey, ain't you the folks workin' on that whole hulabaloo from last night? Yeah. +Yeah. Terrible tragedy. One of those Section Eight boys worked in here. Pike. Heard he got out okay. +Funny. I swear I saw them bring him and the smaller guy in this morning. No, no that was Cadet Dunbar -- +No, no that was Cadet Dunbar -- You mean Ray Dunbar? Well, that ain't right. +So? Ma'am, Ray Dunbar's black. +This is totally unnecessary -- He asked to see a policeman, we're getting him a policeman. +He asked to see a policeman, we're getting him a policeman. But this guy you called, he's not even Army -- +But this guy you called, he's not even Army -- He's former Army and the best I've ever seen in a room. Besides, he knows the territory, we did Basic together here. You've had three hours with Dunbar and haven't gotten a peep, we need to take a different tack. +He's former Army and the best I've ever seen in a room. Besides, he knows the territory, we did Basic together here. You've had three hours with Dunbar and haven't gotten a peep, we need to take a different tack. He's not Army, it's not official -- +He's not Army, it's not official -- Then it's unofficial. +Search parties for the others are fanning out in a ten click radius from the pickup. If they're hurt and we can get to them in time... I called the JAG Corps, the two cadets we retrieved are to be flown to D.C. on a transport leaving here at 1700 -- +You think he did it? No -- +What do you think? It's too neat. +You want Kendall, don't you? He tried to burn Dunbar to us. You don't do that if you're not involved. +You both know if you do this, if you go after a Senator's son and you're wrong... it's not just me in the hot seat anymore. We know. +We know. I'm giving you a chance to walk away. +What happens to Dunbar now? Gets on his plane in ten minutes, which means you two are done. You'll understand if I don't walk you out. +You never told me why you got kicked out of... The army kicked you out for drugs... +You motherfuckers have just made the worst mistake of your lives! You have chosen to join my Army! This Army is my mother, my father, and my little virgin sister and I will not allow anyone or anything that is not up to my standards near her pretty little virgin cooze, do you understand me -- give me a sir, yes, sir! Sir, yes, sir! +Sir, yes, sir! Those who I deem unworthy to pass through this camp will quit, and those who refuse to quit I will kill. You ever hear of a training accident -- give me a sir, yes, sir! +Those who I deem unworthy to pass through this camp will quit, and those who refuse to quit I will kill. You ever hear of a training accident -- give me a sir, yes, sir! Sir, yes, sir! +Sir, yes, sir! In my time I have killed sixteen men for the good of my country, sixteen men whose entrance into this Army I could not condone, as it would weaken the fabric of this nation's defense! This base suffers an average of three training accidents a year, unfortunate incidents that I will not hesitate to repeat if you cross me, understand -- give me a sir, yes, sir! +In my time I have killed sixteen men for the good of my country, sixteen men whose entrance into this Army I could not condone, as it would weaken the fabric of this nation's defense! This base suffers an average of three training accidents a year, unfortunate incidents that I will not hesitate to repeat if you cross me, understand -- give me a sir, yes, sir! Sir, yes, sir! +Sir, yes, sir! So forget what you've seen on Sixty fucking Minutes about the kinder, gentler military -- you will either succeed, quit, or die by my hand! +Some of you may have heard there's a hurricane coming! American soldiers do not wait for good weather -- they do not wait for a bright sunshiney day to do their duty! An American Soldier learns to operate in the worst conditions and turn said conditions into an advantage against their enemy! Anyone who thinks these conditions are too harsh, feel free to lay down and die, you get me? Sir, yes, sir! +Sir, yes, sir! LZ is two clicks North of a cabin, you are to split into teams of two and work your way through your designated area blasting as many targets as you can find! Each area has twenty targets, first team to take all twenty and find the cabin wins! Teams are as follows -- Dunbar and Nunez, Pike and Mueller, Kendall and Childs! +Great, great. That's fantastic. It was on that night Karl met his destiny. And I met mine. Almost. +Hey kid! Your friend just made himself a star. That's great. +See! The big guy likes it. I just saw the woman I'm going to marry, I know it. But then I lost her. +I just saw the woman I'm going to marry, I know it. But then I lost her. Tough break. Most men have to get married before they lose their wives. +Tough break. Most men have to get married before they lose their wives. I'm going to spend the rest of my life looking for her. That or die alone. +I'm going to spend the rest of my life looking for her. That or die alone. Jesus, kid. Let me guess. Real pretty, blonde hair, blue hat? +Jesus, kid. Let me guess. Real pretty, blonde hair, blue hat? Yes! +Yes! I know her uncle. Friends of the family. +I know her uncle. Friends of the family. Who is she? Where does she live? +Who is she? Where does she live? Kid. Don't waste your time. She's out of your league. +What do you mean? You don't even know me. Sure I do. You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat. You don't have a plan. You don't have a job. You don't have anything but the clothes on your back. +Sure I do. You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat. You don't have a plan. You don't have a job. You don't have anything but the clothes on your back. I've got a whole backpack full of clothes! +Someone stole my backpack. Kid, you were a big fish in a small pond. This here is the ocean, and you're drowning. Take my advice and go back to Puddleville. You'll be happy there. +I don't have a job, but I would have a job if you gave me one. And I may not have much, but I have more determination than any man you're ever going to meet. Sorry, kid. I don't do charity. +Sorry, kid. I don't do charity. I'll work night and day, and you won't have to pay me. You just have to tell me who she is. +Didn't kill anything, did I? A few rabbits, but I think one of them was already dead. +A few rabbits, but I think one of them was already dead. That would explain the indigestion. +I was wrong about you kid. You may not have much, but what you got, you got a lot of. You could get any girl. There's only one I want. +Her name is Sandra Templeton. She's going to Auburn. The semester's almost over, so you better hurry. Thank you. +Thank you. Good luck, kid. +Welcome to ya. What's your name? Edward Bloom. +Bloom like a flower? Yes. +Yes. Oh. Here! Right here. Edward Bloom. We weren't expecting you yet. +You were expecting me? Not yet. +What is this place? The town of Spectre. Best kept secret in Alabama. Says here you're from Ashton, right? Last person we had from Ashton was Norther Winslow. +The town of Spectre. Best kept secret in Alabama. Says here you're from Ashton, right? Last person we had from Ashton was Norther Winslow. The poet? What ever happened to him? +The poet? What ever happened to him? He's still here. Let me buy you a drink. I'll tell you all about it. Hell, I'll have him tell you. +He's still here. Let me buy you a drink. I'll tell you all about it. Hell, I'll have him tell you. No. I've gotta meet somebody. I'm already running late. +Now tell me if that isn't the best pie you ever ate. It truly is. +I have to leave. Tonight. Why? +Why? This town is everything a man could ask for. And if I were to end up here, I'd consider myself lucky. But the fact is, I'm not ready to end up anywhere. +This town is everything a man could ask for. And if I were to end up here, I'd consider myself lucky. But the fact is, I'm not ready to end up anywhere. No one's ever left. +You won't find a better place! I don't expect to. +Or are you too scared? I'll go in right now and get that eye. +I'll go in right now and get that eye. Then do it. +Then do it. Fine, I will. +Fine, I will. Fine, you do it. +Fine, you do it. Fine, I'm doing it. +You get the eye? I brought it. +I brought it. Let's see it. +Bloom! Don. +Don. What the hell are you doing? This is my girl. Mine! +What the hell are you doing? This is my girl. Mine! I didn't know she belonged to anybody. +Will. Dr. Bennett. It's good to see you. My wife, Josephine. +Dr. Bennett. It's good to see you. My wife, Josephine. A pleasure. +Can I see him? Absolutely. Be good for you to talk to him. +Glad to see you're not trying to have a heartfelt talk. It's one of my greatest annoyances, when people talk to those who can't hear them. My father and I have an advantage. We never talk. +How long have you known my father? Thirty years. Maybe more. +Thirty years. Maybe more. How would you describe him? +How would you describe him? Five-eleven. One-eighty. Regulated hypertension. How would his son describe him? +Did your father ever tell you about the day you were born? A thousand times. He caught an uncatchable fish. +A thousand times. He caught an uncatchable fish. Not that one. The real story. Did he ever tell you that? +Not that one. The real story. Did he ever tell you that? No. +No. Your mother came in about three in the afternoon. Her neighbor drove her, on account of your father was on business in Wichita. You were born a week early, but there were no complications. It was a perfect delivery. Now, your father was sorry to miss it, but it wasn't the custom for the men to be in the room for deliveries then, so I can't see as it would have been much different had he been there. And that's the real story of how you were born. +Did you see that woman? What did she look like? +What did she look like? Well, she... uh... +Well, she... uh... Was she nekkid? +Yeah. It's not a woman, it's a fish. No one ever catches her. +How old are you? Eighteen. +Eighteen. I'm eight. That means when I'm eighteen, you'll be 28. And when I'm 28, you'll only be 38. +I'm eight. That means when I'm eighteen, you'll be 28. And when I'm 28, you'll only be 38. You're pretty good at arithmetic. +You're pretty good at arithmetic. And when I'm 38, you'll be 48. And that's not much difference at all. +How are you gonna make it without your shoes? I suspect it will hurt a lot. +Promise me you'll come back. I promise. Someday. When I'm really supposed to. +You must be Edward Bloom. How did you know? +No one would come out here unless they had business. And no one would have business with me except for you. You're buying the town. Apparently I've overlooked this one piece of it, and I'd like to remedy that. You see, in order for the town to be preserved, the trust must own it in its entirety. +Apparently I've overlooked this one piece of it, and I'd like to remedy that. You see, in order for the town to be preserved, the trust must own it in its entirety. So I've heard. +So I've heard. I'll offer you more than it's worth. And you know you won't have to move. Nothing will change except the name on the deed, you have my word. +In so many words, yes. Then I don't think so Mr. Bloom. If nothing is going to change, I'd just as soon it not change in the way it hasn't been changing all this time. +Then I don't think so Mr. Bloom. If nothing is going to change, I'd just as soon it not change in the way it hasn't been changing all this time. It's not like you're going to lose anything. You can ask anyone in town. I've been nothing if not generous. I want the best for everyone. +Helping people makes me happy. I'm not convinced you should be happy. +I'm not convinced you should be happy. I'm sorry. Have I offended you? +You're Beamen's daughter. Your last name is different. You married. I was 18. He was 28. Turns out that was a big difference. +I won't be selling you this house, Mr. Bloom. I see. I thank you for your time. +It's okay, just leave it. I can get it. I can just... +Lord, I'm sorry I... Please. Go. Just go. +Please. Go. Just go. I'll... +I'll... Go. +Don't. Don't be embarrassed. I should never have let you think that... I am in love with my wife. I know. +I know. And from the moment I saw her until the moment I die, she's the only one. +And from the moment I saw her until the moment I die, she's the only one. Lucky girl. +Lucky girl. I'm sorry, Jenny. I am. +Really. You're lucky to get four words out of them in English. But if you were to walk through the jungle, you'd hear them speaking the most elaborate French. Those parrots talk about everything: politics, movies, fashion -- everything but religion. +Hi. How are you feeling? I was dreaming. +I was dreaming. What were you dreaming about? +"Means when you dream about something that's going to happen. Like one night, I had a dream where this crow came and told me, ""Your Aunt is going to die."" I was so scared I woke up my parents. They told me it was just a dream, to go back to bed. But the next morning, my Aunt Stacy was dead." That's terrible. +That's terrible. "Terrible for her, but think about me, young boy with that kind of power. Wasn't three weeks later that the crow came back to me in a dream and said, ""Your Grampa is going to die."" Well, I ran right back to my parents. My father said, no, Gramps is fine, but I could see there was trepidation. And true enough, that next morning my Grampa was dead." +Because see, my mother was banging the milkman. No, I understand. +No, I understand. He was slipping her a little extra cream. +He was buttering her rolls. Pumping her churn. Splashing milk in her box. Stop. +Stop. They were squeezing the cheese. Clanking the bottles. Licking the popsicle. +Spooning the sherbet. Can I take your picture? +Can I take your picture? You don't need a picture. Just look up handsome in the dictionary. +You don't need a picture. Just look up handsome in the dictionary. Please? +That's because we didn't have a wedding. Your mother-in-law was never supposed to marry me. She was engaged to somebody else. I never knew. +I never knew. Will never told you that? Probably just as well. He would have told it all wrong anyway. All the facts and none of the flavor. +Will never told you that? Probably just as well. He would have told it all wrong anyway. All the facts and none of the flavor. Oh, so this is a tall tale? +Oh, so this is a tall tale? Well, it's not a short one. +I thought you said you didn't have a church wedding. Well, we were all set to, but there was a complication. +Is it the medicine that's making you thirsty? Truth is, I've been thirsty my whole life. Never really known why. +There was one time when I was eleven... You were talking about your wedding. +You were talking about your wedding. I didn't forget. I was just working on a tangent. See, most men, they'll tell a story straight through, and it won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either. +I didn't forget. I was just working on a tangent. See, most men, they'll tell a story straight through, and it won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either. I like your stories. +I like your stories. And I like you. +Hardly two stories in the whole place. Now I've heard in real cities, they've got buildings so tall you can't even see the tops of 'em. Really? +Really? Wouldn't lie to you. And they've got all-you-can-eat buffets. You can eat a lot, can't you? +Wouldn't lie to you. And they've got all-you-can-eat buffets. You can eat a lot, can't you? I can. +I can. So why are you wasting your time in a small town? You're a big man. You should be in the big city. +You're just trying to get me to leave, aren't you? That's why they sent you here. What's your name, Giant? +What's your name, Giant? Karl. +Karl. Mine's Edward. And truthfully, I do want you to leave, Karl. But I want to leave with you. You think this town is too small for you, well, it's too small for a man of my ambition. I can't see staying here a day longer. +Mine's Edward. And truthfully, I do want you to leave, Karl. But I want to leave with you. You think this town is too small for you, well, it's too small for a man of my ambition. I can't see staying here a day longer. You don't like it? +You don't like it? I love every square inch of it. But I can feel the edges closing in on me. A man's life can only grow to a certain size in a place like this. So what do you say? Join me? +Okay. Okay. +What did she say? Beats me. +You know anyone's who's taken it? That poet, Norther Winslow did. He was going to Paris, France. He must have liked it, because no one ever heard from him again. Tell you what. You take the other way and I'll cut through here. Meet you on the far side. +You're not trying to run away? Just to be sure, you can take my pack. +You can see my predicament. My wedding ring, the symbol of fidelity to my wife, soon to be the mother of my child, was now lost in the gut of an uncatchable fish. Make him stop. +What, a father's not allowed to talk about his son? I am a footnote in that story. I am the context for your great adventure. Which never happened! Incidentally! You were selling novelty products in Wichita the day I was born. +I am a footnote in that story. I am the context for your great adventure. Which never happened! Incidentally! You were selling novelty products in Wichita the day I was born. Jesus Christ. +Jesus Christ. Friend of yours? Did you help him out of a bind? +Friend of yours? Did you help him out of a bind? Come on, Will. Everyone likes that story. +Come on, Will. Everyone likes that story. No Dad, they don't. I do not like the story. Not anymore, not after a thousand times. I know all the punchlines, Dad. I can tell them as well as you can. For one night, one night in your entire life, the universe does not revolve around Edward Bloom. It revolves around me and my wife. How can you not understand that? +The one about the witch. Your mom says I can't tell you that one anymore. You get nightmares. +Your mom says I can't tell you that one anymore. You get nightmares. I'm not scared. +You -- -- are in for a surprise. Am I? +Am I? Having a kid changes everything. I mean, there's the diapers and the burping and the midnight feedings... +Having a kid changes everything. I mean, there's the diapers and the burping and the midnight feedings... Did you do any of that? +Did you do any of that? No, but I hear it's terrible. Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill its head with nonsense and still it turns out perfectly fine. +No, but I hear it's terrible. Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill its head with nonsense and still it turns out perfectly fine. You think I'm up for it? +You think I'm up for it? You learned from the best. +People needn't worry so much. It's not my time yet. This isn't how I go. Really. +Really. Truly. I saw it in The Eye. +Truly. I saw it in The Eye. The Old Lady by the swamp. +The Old Lady by the swamp. She was a witch. +She was a witch. No, she was old and probably senile. Maybe schizophrenic. +No, she was old and probably senile. Maybe schizophrenic. I saw my death in that eye. And this is not how it happens. +I saw my death in that eye. And this is not how it happens. So how does it happen? +So how does it happen? Surprise ending. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you. +There was this panhandler who used to stop me every morning when I came out of this coffee shop near the office. Okay. +Okay. And every day I gave him a quarter. Every day. Then I got sick and was out for a couple of weeks. And when I went back there, you know what he said? +And every day I gave him a quarter. Every day. Then I got sick and was out for a couple of weeks. And when I went back there, you know what he said? What did he say? +What did he say? You owe me three-fifty. +You owe me three-fifty. Really. +Really. True story. +When did you ever work in an office? There's a lot you don't know about me. +There's a lot you don't know about me. You're right. +Dad, I'm hoping we can talk about some things while I'm here. You mean, while I'm here. +You mean, while I'm here. I'd just like to know the true versions of things. Events. Stories. You. +Your mother hasn't been keeping up the pool. If you wanted to you could... I will. +I will. You know where the chemicals are? +You know where the chemicals are? I used to do it when you were gone, remember? I used to do it a lot. +I thought you weren't dying. I said this isn't how I go. The last part is much more unusual. Trust me on that. +Why not religion, Dad? It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you're going to offend. +Josephine actually went to the Congo last year. Oh, so you know. +Did I ever tell you about how... Yes. +The maple tree and the Buick. We heard it. I think someone hasn't. +But the real story is how I got the car. You see... Dad? +Dad? Son? +Son? Can we talk? +Do you know much about icebergs, Dad? Do I? I saw an iceberg once. They were hauling it down to Texas for drinking water, only they didn't count on an elephant being frozen inside. The woolly kind. A mammoth. +Do I? I saw an iceberg once. They were hauling it down to Texas for drinking water, only they didn't count on an elephant being frozen inside. The woolly kind. A mammoth. Dad! +Dad! What? +What? I'm trying to make a metaphor here. +I'm trying to make a metaphor here. "Then you shouldn't have started with a question. Because people want to answer questions. You should have started with, ""The thing about icebergs is...""" +"Then you shouldn't have started with a question. Because people want to answer questions. You should have started with, ""The thing about icebergs is...""" The thing about icebergs is you only see 10 percent of them. The other 90 percent is below the water where you can't see it. And that's what it is with you Dad. I'm only seeing this little bit that sticks above the water. +The thing about icebergs is you only see 10 percent of them. The other 90 percent is below the water where you can't see it. And that's what it is with you Dad. I'm only seeing this little bit that sticks above the water. What, you're seeing down to my nose? My chin? +What, you're seeing down to my nose? My chin? I have no idea who you are because you have never told me a single fact. +I have no idea who you are because you have never told me a single fact. I've told you a thousand facts. That's all I do, Will. I tell stories. +I've told you a thousand facts. That's all I do, Will. I tell stories. You tell lies, Dad. You tell amusing lies. Stories are what you tell a five-year old at bedtime. They're not elaborate mythologies you maintain when your son is ten and fifteen and twenty and thirty. And the thing is, I believed you. I believed your stories so much longer than I should have. And then when I realized that everything you said was impossible -- everything! -- I felt like such a fool to have trusted you. You were like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny combined. Just as charming and just as fake. +You tell lies, Dad. You tell amusing lies. Stories are what you tell a five-year old at bedtime. They're not elaborate mythologies you maintain when your son is ten and fifteen and twenty and thirty. And the thing is, I believed you. I believed your stories so much longer than I should have. And then when I realized that everything you said was impossible -- everything! -- I felt like such a fool to have trusted you. You were like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny combined. Just as charming and just as fake. You think I'm fake. +You think I'm fake. Only on the surface. But that's all I've ever seen. +Dad, I'm about to have a kid of my own here. It would kill me if he went through his whole life never understanding me. It would kill you, huh? +What do you want, Will? Who do you want me to be? Yourself. Good, bad, everything. Just show me who you are for once. +Yourself. Good, bad, everything. Just show me who you are for once. I have been nothing but myself since the day I was born. And if you can't see that, it's your failing, not mine. +The river. The river? +Tell me how it happens. How what happens? +How what happens? How I go. +I can try, Dad. If you help. Just tell me how it starts. Like this. +Like this. Okay. Okay. +Let's get out of here. Somehow, you're better. Different. You're getting ready to go. And I say... +Where are we headed? You say... +You say... The River! +It's unbelievable. Story of my life. +You become what you always were. A very big fish. And that's the way it happens. Yes. Exactly. +I'm sorry. Don't need to apologize to me. I mean, I'm the luckiest person you're going to find today... +Oh. But you're wrong. I do know you, at least by reputation. Edward Bloom from Ashton. See, I'm actually engaged to a boy from Ashton. Don Price. He was a few years older than you. +Daffodils? They're your favorite flower. +They're your favorite flower. How did you get so many? +How did you get so many? I called everywhere in five states and explained this was the only way I could get my wife to marry me. +You don't even know me. I have the rest of my life to find out. +How can I convince you to stop? Go out with me. +I was drying out. I see. We need to get you one of those plant misters. We can spray you like a fern. +Wait! I need those! There is no softer ground than town. +I've been working on this poem for 12 years. Really. +Really. There's a lot of expectation. I don't want to disappoint my fans. +This is why you don't show work in progress. Norther, do you ever regret not making it to Paris? +Norther, do you ever regret not making it to Paris? I can't imagine any place better than here. +I can't imagine any place better than here. You're a poet. You oughta be able to. And maybe if you'd seen more, you could. +It's me. Norther Winslow. I was astonished to see the greatest poet of both Ashton and Spectre all the way out in Texas. +I don't believe it! I want you to know, when you left Spectre it opened my eyes. There was a whole life out there that I was not living. So I travelled. I saw France, and Africa, half of South America. Every day a new adventure, that's my motto. +I want you to know, when you left Spectre it opened my eyes. There was a whole life out there that I was not living. So I travelled. I saw France, and Africa, half of South America. Every day a new adventure, that's my motto. That's great, Norther. I'm happy for you. I can't believe I helped. +So what are you up to now? I'm robbing this place. +This is it? The whole vault. 'Fraid so. +'Fraid so. Edward, it's got your deposit slip on it. +Oh. Oh. Hello. +Hello. I wasn't expecting you. +Are you Jenny Hill? I am. And you're Will. I've seen your picture, that's how I recognize you. I almost said something at the store, but it would have been awkward. Like this. +How did you know my father? This was on his sales route, so he was through here all the time. Everyone in town knew him. +Were you and my father having an affair? Wow. Wow, you just said it. I was expecting to dance around this for another half hour. +Wow. Wow, you just said it. I was expecting to dance around this for another half hour. I've seen him with women. He flirts. He always has. On some level, I presumed he was cheating on my mother. I just never had proof. +Can I ask you a question? Why did you come here today? If you found this deed, why didn't you just ask Eddie? Because he's dying. +Look, I don't know how much you want to know about any of this. You have one image of your father and it would be wrong for me to go and change it. Especially this late in the game. My father talked about a lot of things he never did, and I'm sure he did a lot of things he never talked about. I'm just trying to reconcile the two. +Logically, you couldn't be the Witch, because she was old back when he was young. No, it's logical if you think like your father. See, to him, there's only two women: your mother and everyone else. +No, it's logical if you think like your father. See, to him, there's only two women: your mother and everyone else. You didn't become crazy. +You didn't become crazy. Well, therapy. And one day I realized I was in love with a man who could never love me back. I was living in a fairy tale. +Thank you. I'll bet you need to -- Yes. +Yes. Down the hall on the right. The door sticks. You have to really pull it. +I spent a week in Morocco for the story. It was incredible. We'll have to pick up a copy. +I'm going to get started on dishes. I'll help you. +I'm going to check on him. I need to lie down for a bit. +I'm sorry. It seems every hour I have to... I know. It was the same when I was carrying Will. Like clockwork. +Do you like it, being pregnant? I do. +I do. I loved it. It sounds peculiar, but I loved every minute of it. I did. Eddie was travelling a lot, so he was gone, but I felt like I always had a piece of him with me. A little part of his soul inside me. I could feel it. It was alive and kicking. +It's bad. It's more than they thought. They're going to stop chemo. +It's more than they thought. They're going to stop chemo. You need to go. +You need to go. Probably tonight. +I'm going with you. You don't have to. +You don't have to. I'm going with you. +I talked with your father last night. Did you? +You never told me how your parents met. They met at Auburn. +They met at Auburn. What about the details? How they fell in love. The Circus. The War. You never told me any of that. +What about the details? How they fell in love. The Circus. The War. You never told me any of that. That's because most of it never happened. +That's because most of it never happened. But it's romantic. +Mmm. Mmm, what? +Mmm, what? Mmm, what. I know better than to argue romance with a French woman. +Do you love your father? Everyone loves my father. He's a very likeable guy. +Everyone loves my father. He's a very likeable guy. Do you love him? +You have to understand. When I was growing up, he was gone more than he was here. And I started thinking -- maybe he has a second life somewhere else. With another house, another family. He leaves us, he goes to them. Or maybe there is no family. Maybe he never wanted a family. But whatever it is, maybe he likes that second life better. And the reason he tells all those stories is because he can't stand this boring place. But it's not true. +But it's not true. "What is ""true?"" I've never heard my father say a single true thing." +Look, I know why you like him. I know why everyone likes him. But I need you to tell me I'm not crazy. You're not. +You're not. I need you on my side. +I need you on my side. I am always on your side. And I think you should talk to him. +What happened? Your father had a stroke. He's upstairs with your mom and Dr. Bennett. +Your father had a stroke. He's upstairs with your mom and Dr. Bennett. Is he going to be okay? +How did you get here? We swam. The Atlantic, it's not that big really. +We swam. The Atlantic, it's not that big really. Ruth McHibbon offered to pick you up at the airport. +Ruth McHibbon offered to pick you up at the airport. We rented a car. +We rented a car. You didn't need to do that. You just didn't. +Is that Dr. Bennett's car? He's up with your father. +How is he? He's impossible. He won't eat. And because he won't eat, he gets weaker. And because he's weaker, he doesn't want to eat. +He's impossible. He won't eat. And because he won't eat, he gets weaker. And because he's weaker, he doesn't want to eat. How much time does he have left? +How much time does he have left? You don't talk about those things. Not yet. +I don't know if you've seen it, but Josephine has some photos in the most recent Newsweek. Really! That's wonderful. +Mom, would you say you understand Dad? Of course. +Of course. What I mean is, do you really know what's going on in his head? +What I mean is, do you really know what's going on in his head? Yes. +Yes. How is that possible? I mean, you try to ask him a question and suddenly it's another one of his stories. You can't honestly say you know him. +How is that possible? I mean, you try to ask him a question and suddenly it's another one of his stories. You can't honestly say you know him. Yes, Will, I do. And don't presume things you don't know. +Would you say you understand Josephine? Yes. But that's a different... +Yes. But that's a different... No it's not. It's exactly the same. Your father and I met, we dated, and we married -- we chose each other -- because we understood each other on some fundamental level. Just the same as you two. +Josephine and I have a lot in common. Yes, you both think William Bloom is a very smart man. The problem is, you only see me as your mother, and not as someone's wife. And I've been his wife longer than I've been your mother. You can't discount that. +Yes, you both think William Bloom is a very smart man. The problem is, you only see me as your mother, and not as someone's wife. And I've been his wife longer than I've been your mother. You can't discount that. True. But I've known him my whole life, and I don't feel like I know him at all. Or ever will. +I know it's not easy. Just remember, he didn't choose to be your father and you didn't choose to be his son. You just ended up together. You could pick numbers out of a dark bag and it'd be just the same. If you ask me, it's a wonder parents and children can stand each other at all. But I understand you, Mom. I always have. +But I understand you, Mom. I always have. Well, clearly you don't. But I'm not the mystery you're trying to solve right now. +Before I forget, your father has papers in the basement I'd like you to go through. I wouldn't know what's important. Mom, do you know who that is? Blonde hair. +Was she one of your teachers? No. But it's weird. She seemed to recognize me. +No. But it's weird. She seemed to recognize me. Do you know who that is? +That really happened? Not everything your father says is a complete fabrication. +Is he awake? He just fell asleep. Josephine's with him. +Mom? Yes? +Did you and Dad have any other property? I suppose your grandmother's house when she passed on. But we sold that right away. Your cousin Shirley bought it. +I suppose your grandmother's house when she passed on. But we sold that right away. Your cousin Shirley bought it. So you never bought any land. +So you never bought any land. Heavens no. We had a hard enough time keeping the mortgage on this place. +I don't suppose one of us could stay with him. In case he... In case he wakes up, one of us should be there. I'll stay. Why don't you go home with Josephine and I'll stay tonight. +I'll stay. Why don't you go home with Josephine and I'll stay tonight. That's okay? +Mom, do you want some time with Dad? Yes. Thank you. +You first. Fifty thousand. Almost exactly. +Put it in the cases. Split it up. And don't forget you owe me £150. What for? +What for? You know what for. +You know what for. No I don't. +No I don't. I got you those trousers from Paul Smith. +I got you those trousers from Paul Smith. I've been buying you stuff all week. I've been buying him stuff all week. +I've been buying you stuff all week. I've been buying him stuff all week. Such as? +When we went to the Hard Rock Cafe. Who paid? When we went to see 'Cats'. Who paid? Those aren't presents. That's normal friendship stuff +Those aren't presents. That's normal friendship stuff I paid for those guitar cases. +Yeah it was okay. Yeah. It was quite good actually. Some bits I really liked. +Yeah. It was quite good actually. Some bits I really liked. The sets were good. +The sets were good. The sets were excellent. Everything was big, you know, all the rubbish, coke cans, sweet wrappers, dustbins, so when you were watching it you felt cat size. It was really clever. +Sixty four thousand, eight hundred. There's over eighty thousand here. +It's enough isn't it? What do you mean? +What do you mean? You know what I mean babe, It's enough. We can stop. +You know what I mean babe, It's enough. We can stop. Do you want to stop? +Do you want to stop? Yes. +Yes. We'll stop then. +What's this? It's nothing. I burnt myself. +It's nothing. I burnt myself. That's not a burn. +That's not a burn. It is. I did it cooking. +Do you like it? Yeah. +Say thank you. Thank you. +What? You heard what I said. I'm pregnant. I've been throwing up for weeks. +A baby? What are we supposed to do with a baby? Name it. +What? What are you doing? What are you doing here? +What. You're what? You're with this creep now. Leave him! +Leave him! You have. You've actually fallen for this prick. +You have. You've actually fallen for this prick. No I haven't. +This is sensitive. Your car. Lovely car. Doesn't necessarily give the right impression. Ch... +Ch... To customers approaching the bank from the rear +To customers approaching the bank from the rear Right. +Right. You can see why it's sensitive? +You can see why it's sensitive? Uh... Yes. +Hello. I thought you could give us the tour this morning. Sort of be our Indian Guide. +I thought you could give us the tour this morning. Sort of be our Indian Guide. Right. +How's that? We can't drink our piss can we? Hang on hang on, sorry, but like, who are you? +Hang on hang on, sorry, but like, who are you? You must find some glasses, small, for the toast, and some plates. +You must find some glasses, small, for the toast, and some plates. What are you doing here? +Sorry. You've lost me... I'm asking what you're here for. +I'm asking what you're here for. What? +What did he say? He says he feels safe here. +I need to know who you are first please. Oh. We are Russian. +Oh. We are Russian. Yes. I know. +Yes. I know. Good. +Good. And... +And... And what? You mean from the beginning? Jesus. Can I uh okay, as we say in Russia can I cut a long story short. Okay. Nadia is my little cousin. Except she's not. But we say cousin. This is for you. +Hold on. Toast first then we talk seriously, I can see you are serious about us. +So hang on. You're both Nadia's cousins? Of course not. Alexei, he's is my problem. +Of course not. Alexei, he's is my problem. Right. +Right. We better watch him. He's crazy. +We better watch him. He's crazy. Right. +Right. I am actor, he is actor, although he is an actor stroke musician. I just noodle along, I'm not so good. He makes me look like a retard -- He smokes me. I don't mean he smokes me. +No. Right. So I can say he smokes me. So. +So? So I come to England with other actors to make shows, I meet this freak from Novgorod I tell him of you and Chicken and the birthday here we are. +What was that? I asked her if you were happy to see us. I find it hard to tell with you. +I asked her if you were happy to see us. I find it hard to tell with you. Yes it's okay. Thank you for the food. +So how long will you be in England? Plans are for the architects, politicians and so forth. +Plans are for the architects, politicians and so forth. You must have a visa or something... +You must have a visa or something... You're asking for my documents? +You're asking for my documents? No, no... +She says 'Hello' to you. Go for it John! Uh. Do you like England? +Uh. Do you like England? Classic! Thank God. She says 'Yes!' +She says she has a secret to tell. What? +When? """I saw you waiting there, by the gate.""" +"""I saw you waiting there, by the gate.""" I... +I... """I have these uh..."" She explains to you... ""When I was a little girl my father had these beautiful old glasses."" Like... I don't know the word. Like for watching uh... for watching the birds." +Binoculars. Binoculars. He had these Binoculars he has kept from the war. +What was that? Oh nothing. +Oh nothing. Tell me. +Tell me. No. It is too judgmental. +No. It is too judgmental. Tell me what he said. +Tell me what he said. He says why did you send to Russia for a wife. +You are not ashamed of it? It's no surprise to want to love. No. It's not that. +No. It's not that. Do you believe in love? +Do you believe in love? I suppose it's... I mean define your terms. +I suppose it's... I mean define your terms. It's very strange. How many people are truly themselves with their love? It is the greatest human disaster and it is never in the newspapers. There are no Marches Against Heartache, no Ministries Against Loneliness, no Concerts Against Disappointment. We look away. And still we know in secret that nothing is more important to us. The one thing we all share but don't say. Look John I will show you something. +How is bank? Fine. I thought you were leaving today. +Fine. I thought you were leaving today. To be indoors on such a day. It's crime. +I understand. I'm so sorry You can stay tonight. +You can stay tonight. I have brought you trouble. Maybe I should have come alone. +I have brought you trouble. Maybe I should have come alone. Good night. +Put the fucking kettle down. John. +John. Put the fucking kettle down. Tell, Yuri, tell him put it down or I'm going to make him. +He says you scare him so much he must go to the toilet in his trousers. John, he is a soldier. A trained killer. We must do what he says. What? What does he want? +What did he say? Tell me! He says you are very sad ridiculous man. I don't agree of course. And that you must pay someone to have sex like a prostitute. Nadia is a prostitute. I'm sorry. +He says you are very sad ridiculous man. I don't agree of course. And that you must pay someone to have sex like a prostitute. Nadia is a prostitute. I'm sorry. What does he want. The Russian shithead. What do you want ? +What does he want. The Russian shithead. What do you want ? He wants money. +He wants money. Tell him to put the kettle down and I'll give him money. +He wants a lot of money. I'll give him money. Tell him to put the... +I'll give him money. Tell him to put the... He wants the money from your bank. +He wants the money from your bank. I'll fuckin' give it to him! We'll go down there. +I'll fuckin' give it to him! We'll go down there. You don't understand. He wants all the money that is in your bank. +You don't understand. He wants all the money that is in your bank. I've got eight hundred pounds. Oh Jesus. +Oh Jesus. He is sure you can do this. Of course you can not. +He is sure you can do this. Of course you can not. Oh Jesus. Of course I can't. +Just leave her alone. I'm so sorry. +I'm so sorry. Leave her alone. +Is that everything? Yes. +Yes. Right. Okay. Good. +"It's about forty miles from here. I don't know if you've looked at a map, it's close to London but it's a city in itself. A Roman city. It's a nice house. I'm having a problem with ants. I uh... It's the warmer weather. I can't seem to find the nest. Sorry, do you understand ""ants""?" Yes. +Yes. I just can't find a nest. The root of the problem. I've looked everywhere. What's the Russian for ant? Sorry that's a stupid... Sorry. This is strange isn't it. +I just can't find a nest. The root of the problem. I've looked everywhere. What's the Russian for ant? Sorry that's a stupid... Sorry. This is strange isn't it. Yes. +Yes. I'm pretty nervous. Are you? +I'm pretty nervous. Are you? Yes. +Yes. "I mean... ""Ants."" ""I've got a problem with ants.""" +So. Is it different to how you imagined it? Yes. +Yes. I bet. What about me? Am I how you imagined? +I bet. What about me? Am I how you imagined? Yes. +And how was the flight. Sorry, am I speaking too fast for you? Yes. +Do uh... Sorry. Can you follow me? Do you understand what I'm saying? Yes. +Yes. Good. Or should I speak slower? +Good. Or should I speak slower? Yes. +Yes. Do you follow or should I speak slower? +Do you follow or should I speak slower? Yes. +Uh... Are you a giraffe? Yes. +Today is bath day. Sorry? +I don't understand. Happy bath day. +Syevodnya? Syevodnya +Syevodnya Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday. +"""Frenzy""." Yes I know. +They go. John. They go. What's wrong? +What's wrong? They go. +They go. Of course. They go. Yes. Yes. +Of course. They go. Yes. Yes. They go. +Oh, I don't know. In my job as Deputy Assistant of New Business at the bank would have to listen to the problems of a great many individuals. This took a lot of understanding and sympathy, to try to work out solutions to their problems. But, you see, I'm not in that line of work anymore. Nowadays I'm a bank robber. You don't understand anything. +You don't understand anything. I think that about covers it. I think I have grasped the part about you being dumped though. That's got to hurt, I imagine. That's got to smart a bit. I mean strictly in my observer's capacity it seemed you two were getting on Pretty Fucking Famously. +Unless. Unless this is part of the routine. You get tied up, stick around, distract me, they both bust in and Steal My Cup Of Coffee. It's makes it easier. Okay. +It's makes it easier. Okay. I don't want to know. +I don't want to know. It makes it faster. If I don't speak to the men, they fall faster. It's pretty obvious why. +It makes it faster. If I don't speak to the men, they fall faster. It's pretty obvious why. That's a relief. It's nice to know I'm a regular guy. +So what are you going to do? I'm going to drink my coffee. Then, we're going to the police station. Where there will be lawyers, loss of job, house, humiliation, gutter press, and probably prison. +I'm going to drink my coffee. Then, we're going to the police station. Where there will be lawyers, loss of job, house, humiliation, gutter press, and probably prison. They don't blame you. When a bank employee does this they understand. You get your life back. Anyway I bet you hated that bank. +They don't blame you. When a bank employee does this they understand. You get your life back. Anyway I bet you hated that bank. Even so I always felt the decision to burst in and rob it very much remained with me. +Even so I always felt the decision to burst in and rob it very much remained with me. Why else would you send off for me? If you just wanted sex just go to a prostitute. +Why else would you send off for me? If you just wanted sex just go to a prostitute. Well as it turns out I did. +You must think... I'm the biggest pillock... In the world. No I don't. +No I don't. In the world. +In the world. I know you just want to punish me -- +I know you just want to punish me -- I do. I want to very badly. +I do. I want to very badly. So you're just going to be vindictive +So you're just going to be vindictive In every sense. If at all possible. +In every sense. If at all possible. You can't hurt me more than I'm hurt already. +You can't hurt me more than I'm hurt already. Well, Nadia, It it's all the same to you, I'd like to give it a bash. +Where's the restroom? What? +What? I'm going to be sick. Where's the... +I'm going to be sick. Where's the... What? No you're not.. +What? No you're not.. I'm going... I am... I'm going to be sick. +I'm going... I am... I'm going to be sick. No you're not. How... Nice one. How dumb do you think I am ? +You don't have to do this. I can look after myself. Have you got your passport? +Have you got your passport? What? +What? Shut up. Have you got your passport? +Shut up. Have you got your passport? Yes. +Give me some money. I don't have any money. +What? I said I don't have any. +So, uh, Alexei, which I know isn't his name... I don't want to talk about him. +I don't want to talk about him. Fine. +Fine. It's none of your business. +It's none of your business. Fine. Absolutely. Must be disappointing though. Must come as a hell of a shock. +So uh... Look, if you want to know is he better in bed than you then yes he is. +Look, if you want to know is he better in bed than you then yes he is. Oh Jesus. +Oh Jesus. If what you want to know is does he have a bigger cock than you, then yes he does. +If what you want to know is does he have a bigger cock than you, then yes he does. Of course. Of course. Of course he does. Of course. Thank you. Thanks. +Of course. Of course. Of course he does. Of course. Thank you. Thanks. But, you know, so what? +Not the kids type then is he? Not that broody. You must be pretty miffed. He will come back. +He will come back. Excuse me? +Excuse me? He left me my passport and ticket. It's pretty clear he wants to see me again. +He left me my passport and ticket. It's pretty clear he wants to see me again. Yeah. I tend to tie up and abandon women I really want to see again too. +Yeah. I tend to tie up and abandon women I really want to see again too. No. But you tend to tie them up. +I don't want to talk about it. Why not? +Why not? Shut up. I'm not listening. +Shut up. I'm not listening. You don't want to talk about it. +You don't want to talk about it. No. +No. Okay we won't talk about it. +We'll pretend it never happened. So. What's it like having to fuck men you hate? +So. What's it like having to fuck men you hate? I don't hate you. +I don't hate you. Okay. Let's... Okay. Okay. You have had sex with people you don't like haven't you? For money. To make money. +Okay. Let's... Okay. Okay. You have had sex with people you don't like haven't you? For money. To make money. And? What are you saying? +And? What are you saying? And. It's wrong. +And. It's wrong. And who says what is wrong. +And who says what is wrong. And that would be Morals. That would be one's own moral sense of decency. +And that would be Morals. That would be one's own moral sense of decency. What's a moral orgasm John? Tell me how it feels exactly. +What's a moral orgasm John? Tell me how it feels exactly. So. What then? You just detach sex from everything.. +So. What then? You just detach sex from everything.. "Whereas ""Wet 'n' Wild"" is an emotional journey. ""Tied and Tethered"". It's pretty moving huh? Like Anna Karenina." +"Whereas ""Wet 'n' Wild"" is an emotional journey. ""Tied and Tethered"". It's pretty moving huh? Like Anna Karenina." Listen. I didn't go rooting around in your private stuff. +So what? Do you just switch off in your head or do you imagine you're with him, or what? Sometimes. +Sometimes. Sometimes which? +Sometimes which? Sometimes neither. +Sometimes neither. Some... What does that mean? +Some... What does that mean? There's nothing wrong in liking sex, John. +There's nothing wrong in liking sex, John. I don't like sex. I don't think I'll be having sex ever again. +I don't like sex. I don't think I'll be having sex ever again. Why? +Why? Well, it's just that the thought trying to charm up an erection in front of a woman, or alone for that matter, makes me want to die. +Well, it's just that the thought trying to charm up an erection in front of a woman, or alone for that matter, makes me want to die. So now you hate all women? +So now you hate all women? I think it's my safest bet, don't you? +I think it's my safest bet, don't you? Oh. I think you will recover okay. I think you got what you paid for. +What? You... +You... I got what I paid for. +I got what I paid for. You didn't mind too much. +It wasn't what I wanted. So what did you want? I think we understand each other, no? +So what did you want? I think we understand each other, no? You don't understand me. +You don't understand me. You don't understand you either. +Excuse me? Get out +Get out You are throwing me out. +You are throwing me out. Get out. +You know, in Russia, there's no work for women. It's a different world. You don't have to say anything +You don't have to say anything What? I... I wasn't saying... +What? I... I wasn't saying... Please, there's no... Oh. +Please, there's no... Oh. I wasn't saying anything. +I wasn't saying anything. Then okay. So how old were you when you met him? +Fifteen. You don't know him. He was very kind and strong. Yeah. He's a smashing bloke. +Yeah. He's a smashing bloke. The rest of the world, John, it's not all like St. Albans. +The rest of the world, John, it's not all like St. Albans. Thank Christ for that. +Thank Christ for that. You are pretty naive if you think it is. +You are pretty naive if you think it is. I'm pretty naive? Look at you. You have to do all this, and what have you got to show for it? Nothing. +I'm pretty naive? Look at you. You have to do all this, and what have you got to show for it? Nothing. I don't have nothing. +I don't have nothing. Well what have you got? +Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? No. +No. Have you had any before? +Have you had any before? No. +No. Are you scared? +Are you scared? Not really. Maybe a little. +What happened between you and the blonde? What? +What? The thin... the girl with small eyes. The one in your cupboard. +The thin... the girl with small eyes. The one in your cupboard. It's none of your business. She didn't have small eyes. +It's none of your business. She didn't have small eyes. Did she leave you? Come on. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Who did she leave you for? Your best friend? Her boss? A woman? Did she leave you for a woman, John? +Did she leave you? Come on. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Who did she leave you for? Your best friend? Her boss? A woman? Did she leave you for a woman, John? She's dead. +I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. She's not dead at all. +What? I don't know why I said it. I'm sorry. +I don't know why I said it. I'm sorry. She's alive? +She's alive!! She is not dead? Laugh it up. +You should stop smoking. You're pregnant. You smoke like a fucking lab dog. I'm trying to quit. +I'm trying to quit. I've got news for you. It's not working. +I've got news for you. It's not working. I smoke more these days. I smoke more when I'm unhappy. +I smoke more these days. I smoke more when I'm unhappy. Nobody's that unhappy. +Nobody's that unhappy. Maybe I want to die. Don't you want me to die? +Maybe I want to die. Don't you want me to die? I don't want anyone to die. +I don't want anyone to die. Except for Small Eyes. +Except for Small Eyes. Except for Small Eyes. +I don't know. What was her name? +What was her name? What's your name? +You know you can come under the blanket. It's alright. +I've got an hour. Can I buy you a coffee? No. I think I better just go. +No. I think I better just go. Okay. Thank you. +Okay. Thank you. Whatever. +Yeah. No thanks. Please. Why not? +Please. Why not? Because it was a lie. +Okay. Goodbye. Goodbye. +Something else. Okay. Promise? +You can probably buy them on the flight. I'm quitting. This will be my last one. So. Goodbye. +I'm quitting. This will be my last one. So. Goodbye. Goodbye. +Goodbye. You didn't deserve me John Buckingham. +You didn't deserve me John Buckingham. Whatever. +Whatever. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Please. +It's not mine. It's not mine either. +It's not mine either. It's what you came back for. +Why? I'm not asking you to marry me. +I'm not asking you to marry me. No. What? No. I know. +No. What? No. I know. It's more like a date. +It's more like a date. It's a long way to go for a date. +It's a long way to go for a date. Tell me about it. +What does it mean? Maybe you will find out. +Hurry. I'll wait for you here. Right. +My name's Sophia. Sophia. Hello Sophia. Mine's still John. +Is the flight full? I'm sorry Sir. I believe the flight is closed. +I'm sorry Sir. I believe the flight is closed. Please check. Is it full? Please could you check. +You have excellent English. Thanks. +Thanks. How do you want to pay? +How do you want to pay? Cash. +What are you doing? Just wanted to see. +Just wanted to see. You know the rules. You do know the rules, don't you? +You know the rules. You do know the rules, don't you? Yeah, I know. +Yeah, I know. Then start taking them seriously. +Then start taking them seriously. Yes, ma'am. +Lazarus? Oh! Gave me a start. +Oh! Gave me a start. I'm sorry. It's these soft shoes I wear for my back. +I'm sorry. It's these soft shoes I wear for my back. You hurt it? +You hurt it? I'm standing most of my day. They're for support. Didn't see you in church this mornin'. +I'm standing most of my day. They're for support. Didn't see you in church this mornin'. Been on the crop. May need to get some extra hands if I don't want to work on Sundays. +Been on the crop. May need to get some extra hands if I don't want to work on Sundays. Well. It's good to see you. +Angela? Yes? +Yes? I need to uh... +I need to uh... Go on, Laz. You can talk to me. +Go on, Laz. You can talk to me. My little niece... she got this deep cough. +My little niece... she got this deep cough. You take her to a doctor? +You take her to a doctor? No. No, she can't go. Mean to say... they's just no money fo'a doctor. Her daddy left for a job, and uh... give her to me to look on. I just... I don't know what to do. +Is your niece older than 12? Oh, she older than that. +My sister got a bad cough with her pneumonia. I just copied her prescription. You don't need to pay anything... just take it. But if she gets worse, you give me a call. I wrote my number on the box. This gonna get you in trouble? +This gonna get you in trouble? Not if no one finds out. +Thank you. Oh. My wife. She had a card here for her migraine pills. She ain't gonna be around no more... So if you... I already tossed that out. Somethin' you should'a done to that woman long ago... how she treated you. Of course, that's none of my business. +I already tossed that out. Somethin' you should'a done to that woman long ago... how she treated you. Of course, that's none of my business. Don't make it less true. +I brung you a little basket of goodies. Fresh squash, tomatoes, some okra, butter beans. You didn't have to do this. +You didn't have to do this. Just wanted to say how much I appreciate you helping me the other day. My niece, she's cured up, and I got you to thank. +Just wanted to say how much I appreciate you helping me the other day. My niece, she's cured up, and I got you to thank. Well that's good. I'm happy to hear it. +This was very sweet of you. Well. Hope you enjoy it. +I bet you have loyal customers. You liked what I brung ya? +You liked what I brung ya? Been eatin' like a princess all week. Even got enough for us to take a picnic under the gazebo. +Been eatin' like a princess all week. Even got enough for us to take a picnic under the gazebo. That'd be nice. +That'd be nice. I put on the lotion you got me. Can you smell it? +I's thinkin' about singing in the choir. At church? +At church? Mm-hm. I don't know if I got a good voice or not but... practice is only on Mondays and Wednesdays, so... +Mm-hm. I don't know if I got a good voice or not but... practice is only on Mondays and Wednesdays, so... You gonna sing me somethin'? +You gonna sing me somethin'? When? Now? Oh. No. +When? Now? Oh. No. Come on, just a little somethin'. Right here. Go'on now, don't be shy. +Hey. Hey. You wasn't at'cha work but that nosey gal up at the counter give me your home address. Hope you don't mind me comin' over. +Hey. You wasn't at'cha work but that nosey gal up at the counter give me your home address. Hope you don't mind me comin' over. What do you need? +What do you need? I need ya help again. +More cough syrup? Can I come in? +I lied to you. It was wrong. But at the time... I didn't know what to do. Imagine you got an earful from folks about that gal I's carryin'... Laz... you don't need to explain yourself to me... +Laz... you don't need to explain yourself to me... Yes, I do. Cuz I feel for you. Mean to say... I got feelings for you. And I didn't want you to think... I didn't... I don't want you to go away. There's better ways to say what I'm trying to say, but... they it is. Don't go away. +Laz. I'm gonna put my trust in you. I'm gonna do it knowin' all too well I can get hurt like this. And I have been hurt. Just like you. Woman like me, I got a lot of livin' to do. But my days are precious to me. They all I got left. Don't want no more fuss. I want love in my life. You understanding me, Laz? I do. God's truth. I do. +He black alright, he just ain't blue. Why you stop havin' dancin' on Saturday? Used to have bands... all kind's live shit. Like a wake up in here, now. +Why you stop havin' dancin' on Saturday? Used to have bands... all kind's live shit. Like a wake up in here, now. Folks can dance when they want. Didn't buy that mirror ball for nothin'. +Folks can dance when they want. Didn't buy that mirror ball for nothin'. You seen my snake-skin shoes? +Naw. They got some blue dye, though. You think them boots you got on come from a black cow? Wanna get on somebody 'bout live music, get on ol' Laz, there. He the one got this place shakin' back in the day. +Wanna get on somebody 'bout live music, get on ol' Laz, there. He the one got this place shakin' back in the day. Don't gotta tell me. Me and my girlfriends use-ta talk 'bout them hard fingertips he got pickin' that guitar. +Hi. Hey. +Hey. You ain't the kicker, are you? +You ain't the kicker, are you? No, ma'am. +No, ma'am. Cuz let me tell you, you boys gotta run the ball more. You get into a kicking game, ya'll gonna lose. +Cuz let me tell you, you boys gotta run the ball more. You get into a kicking game, ya'll gonna lose. Can I put it in your mouth? +Can I put it in your mouth? Okay. +And, sir... do you have a size in mind for what you're lookin' for? That young lady's size, right'cher. +That young lady's size, right'cher. Well, that makes it easier. +Mind I ask, what's all this business here? These are whipped body creams. It's like a lotion. +These are whipped body creams. It's like a lotion. For your hands? +For your hands? Some women prefer not to scent their bodies with perfume. So now they have scented creams. They help moisturize a woman's skin. This one's my favorite. It's called Ginger Souffle. I recommend... applying the cream while the skin is still damp. So... perhaps just after a shower. +Some women prefer not to scent their bodies with perfume. So now they have scented creams. They help moisturize a woman's skin. This one's my favorite. It's called Ginger Souffle. I recommend... applying the cream while the skin is still damp. So... perhaps just after a shower. I'll take a jar of that, too. +Still need a lift? Yeah. Transmission's shot. +Look it. I got somethin' for us. This is gonna help, okay. You gonna miss your bus. +Holy shit. Yeah. +Yeah. Sit down, man. Need a beer? +Sit down, man. Need a beer? Sure. +Sure. Marv, let's get Ronnie set up here. +What happened? They been keepin' a folder on me cuz of my stomach. Like how it was just before we'd play ball back in school. Thought it was just some tic I got, or ulcers like my daddy had. I can't... shoot. Target practice I'm a pro. I tag between the numbers each time but... But when there's really loud noises around me... somethin' happens. I get shaky and... I lose my breath. They called it anxiety. Severe anxiety. It can be fixed and all... just not in time for.... It's a long process but... they sent me home. +They been keepin' a folder on me cuz of my stomach. Like how it was just before we'd play ball back in school. Thought it was just some tic I got, or ulcers like my daddy had. I can't... shoot. Target practice I'm a pro. I tag between the numbers each time but... But when there's really loud noises around me... somethin' happens. I get shaky and... I lose my breath. They called it anxiety. Severe anxiety. It can be fixed and all... just not in time for.... It's a long process but... they sent me home. I guess it could be worse. You could be comin' back in a body bag. +I can't get Rae on the phone. She's not at home... none of her friends seen her anywhere. She's around. Always is. +She's around. Always is. I don't know. She's gettin' crazy, like she gets. Begged me not to go. Got real down. I just think somethin's happened. Like she run off with someone. You'd tell me if you knew somethin', right? +I don't know. She's gettin' crazy, like she gets. Begged me not to go. Got real down. I just think somethin's happened. Like she run off with someone. You'd tell me if you knew somethin', right? You been home yet? +You been home yet? Uh-uh. I's hitchin' up the interstate when I seen your truck outside. +Uh-uh. I's hitchin' up the interstate when I seen your truck outside. You need a ride? +This don't feel right. Kitchen looks just like I left it. I know, cuz I cleaned it. She ever tell you she was thinkin' of taking off? +She ever tell you she was thinkin' of taking off? I just been so mixed up lately, Gill. And, you know, with her history, I can see how she could get scared... ...and run. +Ronnie. You can't see cuz you're too close to it. These nervous spells you get. You never had that shit back in school... That's not right, really, cuz I... +That's not right, really, cuz I... You joined up in that monkey troop cuz you had a plan for yourself. Army'd pay for school. You were gonna get a degree, maybe somethin' in business or agriculture and you were gonna make somethin' of yourself. +And then you had to fall in love with the school slut. Now wait... +Now wait... With all she was doin'. With all the shit she kept doing! You stayed stuck to that bitch's ass and you wouldn't let go. +With all she was doin'. With all the shit she kept doing! You stayed stuck to that bitch's ass and you wouldn't let go. I know about how she was like. But we was different. I's the only person she talked to about it. How she's abused. Terrible things, Gill, just terrible... +YOU HAD A PLAN! YOU HAD A GODDAMN LIFE! AND SHE JUST FUCKED THE GUTS OUT OF YOU! It's not her fault, Gill. She's had to take care of me all this time, cuz I'd just start throwin' up... choking. Just losin' my grip. And she listened. She listened to me. And... I got better. I don't get nervous like I used to. And since we been together... she been faithful to me. Put all that junk behind her... +It's not her fault, Gill. She's had to take care of me all this time, cuz I'd just start throwin' up... choking. Just losin' my grip. And she listened. She listened to me. And... I got better. I don't get nervous like I used to. And since we been together... she been faithful to me. Put all that junk behind her... The only thing that cunt's had behind her is me and half the town fuckin' her. Your first night away, I come over and drop off the spare keys like you wanted me to. You weren't gone two hours and she was aching to get me inside her. Like she was havin' some kind'a fit. +You gonna steal my truck? Make yourself at home. You done it already. +It's not like I can't go out and have fun with my friends. You think I'm Ronnie's spy or somethin'? Come tomorrow that dumb- ass gonna be halfway round the world tryin' to keep his head on his shoulders. You think he's gonna be thinkin' about you? +You think I'm Ronnie's spy or somethin'? Come tomorrow that dumb- ass gonna be halfway round the world tryin' to keep his head on his shoulders. You think he's gonna be thinkin' about you? You go to hell. +Jes? Jesse? Oh shit... Wait... Wait... STOP! Stop what? +Thought you had a skirt earlier. I got others. +This thing you got... I've heard people say, you'd fuck a tree if it was handy. I can see that. But that nigger Tehronne. Thinks he's some player cuz he hustles dope and stolen hubcaps. I mean, I can see a tree. But that piece of shit? I begged him. Don't see why he had to go... +I begged him. Don't see why he had to go... I bet you did. Just had to get that black cock up in you. I swear to God. What Ronnie sees... you disgust me. +The fuck you laughin' at? You don't got half what Tehronne got. +Ronnie ship out this mornin'? It's so stupid. Says to me that he don't want nothin' to do with no military career. Says he wants to move. Open up an auto shop with his uncle up in Knoxville. I said, okay. How about now? Let's go. +Nothing's gonna happen. Not like everybody over there is in the line of fire with them Arabs blowin' themselves up. Can't be thinkin' bout him every second of my day. I'll go outta my gourd. +Can't be thinkin' bout him every second of my day. I'll go outta my gourd. Why should you waste your life waitin' and wonderin'. Not like you're married. +Why should you waste your life waitin' and wonderin'. Not like you're married. I begged him not to go. And he did. +You wanna go home? It gets worse there. Leavin' me to my own mind. That's just not good. +It gets worse there. Leavin' me to my own mind. That's just not good. Here. Pound this and I'll join you. +Better? Yeah. +Can't remember the last time I saw you in that suit. Your mother's funeral. I's a pallbearer, remember? +We leavin' this weekend. Deke got a friend in Mobile gonna get him a job at the water company... If you come to talk about that muthafucka, I'm gonna get up and leave you sittin' pretty in that new suit he bought'cha. +If you come to talk about that muthafucka, I'm gonna get up and leave you sittin' pretty in that new suit he bought'cha. Think this about money still, ya old fool? +Think this about money still, ya old fool? Say what you gotta say, but I ain't gonna hear you speak his name to me. Not never. You hear? +Say what you gotta say, but I ain't gonna hear you speak his name to me. Not never. You hear? How many times we been over this, Laz? How many times? +Thought we was gonna be friendly about this. Carryin' on behind my back. Make me out to look like a fool to all our people. Tell me, what's friendly about that? +Carryin' on behind my back. Make me out to look like a fool to all our people. Tell me, what's friendly about that? I'm not ready to grow old, Laz. Livin' with you. I feel it. Like I'm one foot in the dirt. Saw it happen to my momma. And that's not gonna happen to me. I got living to do. +I'm not ready to grow old, Laz. Livin' with you. I feel it. Like I'm one foot in the dirt. Saw it happen to my momma. And that's not gonna happen to me. I got living to do. And you gonna live it with him? +Rose. Folks get sick. But you do what you can to get on the mend. Our marriage... it just got sick. That's all. Talk to me about sick. Ain't been right since I moved into that drafty house. +Talk to me about sick. Ain't been right since I moved into that drafty house. I keep the heat on. +I keep the heat on. That damned, rusty, radiator, bout burned the skin off my legs each time I passed. +That damned, rusty, radiator, bout burned the skin off my legs each time I passed. Kept us warm for twelve years. +I deserve better than this. Better'n me? +Better'n me? Better than what you give. +Better than what you give. Rose... please... +Rose... please... Laz... You can't say nothin'... +Laz... You can't say nothin'... If we get with a counselor. At the church, maybe they's... +If we get with a counselor. At the church, maybe they's... I don't love ya no more. +God forgive you, for how you done me... Let go... +Let go... My Daddy told me that a younger woman would bleed me dry. And that's what you did. Ya bled me. +My Daddy told me that a younger woman would bleed me dry. And that's what you did. Ya bled me. Let go of my arm... +Let go of my arm... Would'a chopped my arm off if you asked. And this how you do me! +Would'a chopped my arm off if you asked. And this how you do me! LAZ, I said let...! +LAZ, I said let...! You better pray, gal. You better pray... +You better pray, gal. You better pray... Don't you lay a CURSE ON ME! +YOU SHUT UP! Careful how you point that gun, boy. +Careful how you point that gun, boy. Or what? OR WHAT? +Or what? OR WHAT? Boy? You here to make a point, or you here to kill somebody? +Boy? You here to make a point, or you here to kill somebody? Ain't gonna be callin' me boy when I blow your face off. +Ain't gonna be callin' me boy when I blow your face off. You sayin' you'll do what? +You sayin' you'll do what? You heard me, mother-fucker. I'll fuckin' kill.. +You heard me, mother-fucker. I'll fuckin' kill.. BOY! You so green you couldn't stomp a baby duck. +You testing me? Huh? You testin' me, old man? Test. Shit. What kind'a test you thinkin'? You mean like, if you a man or not? If you a killer? Only one way to prove that. You just look me in the eye, boy, and you squeeze that trigger back. +GODDAMMIT, RAE! BOY! YOU KEEP THAT GUN POINTED AT ME! You need to kill a man, all you gotta have is a good reason. You know she been here with me, don't cha? Been all over town, givin' up that switch you thought was your own. +BOY! YOU KEEP THAT GUN POINTED AT ME! You need to kill a man, all you gotta have is a good reason. You know she been here with me, don't cha? Been all over town, givin' up that switch you thought was your own. SHUT UP! SHUT UP! +SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Put all your love and dreams into one woman... she turn around and give it all to another man. That's a good reason to paint the wall with me, kid. She'd fear ya then. Cuz there won't be no more question in her mind. She with a real man now. A real KILLER! +Don't... don't say that to me... Son, I'm grown. Don't got patience to suffer you children and this monkey junk. I'm too old to play house... ...and cowboys. So let's have it. End me or get out of my face! +Like a man. Yes. I mean that's it. I wanna feel like a man with her. I wanna feel like the only man with her. +Teh... Tehronne? Tehronne? Tehronne done this? +Nn-nn... Nn-nn... no... N'RONNIE! GAL! YOU HEARIN' MY VOICE? +Mm-mm... Mm-mm... Come on, gal... +Take it easy now. Don't rush it. How long... how long I been out? +How long... how long I been out? You been in and out goin' on two... maybe two days. +You been in and out goin' on two... maybe two days. Two days? +Two days? After your fever broke, you'd wake up in spells... long enough to get that medicine in ya. +Where's Ronnie? Well I don't... +Well I don't... Wait. He left. +I don't got any money... for fixin' me up and all. Don't need none. +Don't need none. Then I better be on my way. Don't wanna put you out no more. +Then I better be on my way. Don't wanna put you out no more. Think it'd be best if you stayed put while we talk. +Think it'd be best if you stayed put while we talk. Naw'sir... I gotta be on my way. +Naw'sir... I gotta be on my way. Best try gettin' ya wits about you 'fore you try to... +Let me say somethin' first... Why you got me chained? +Why you got me chained? Way I see it, it's gonna take a while for you to get right. +Way I see it, it's gonna take a while for you to get right. The fuck you been doin' to me? +The fuck you been doin' to me? I ain't laid a hand on ya but to ease yo fever... Remember like I say, I found you in the road... +I ain't laid a hand on ya but to ease yo fever... Remember like I say, I found you in the road... Get this Goddamn thing off me! +Now, no harm's come to you... and I aim to keep it that way. Ain't gonna... gonna run a train over ya... or however you call it... see... you was runnin' wild on me... these fever dreams you was havin'... these fits. I'd be chasin' you all night. Well I'm woke now... you can take this off. +Gal, you ain't right yet. I'm right enough to stand on my own two feet. Now take this Goddamn chain off... +I'm right enough to stand on my own two feet. Now take this Goddamn chain off... How you let men treat ya like they do? +How you let men treat ya like they do? What? +What? These men you up under. How you let them do ya like that? +These men you up under. How you let them do ya like that? Do me? Do me like this, you mean? Like chainin' me up? +Do me? Do me like this, you mean? Like chainin' me up? You know what I'm talkin' about. All that mess with ya teachers and... boys in the backs of trucks. +You know what I'm talkin' about. All that mess with ya teachers and... boys in the backs of trucks. The hell you know about me?! You got no right to talk to me about that shit! The hell you think you are? +The hell you know about me?! You got no right to talk to me about that shit! The hell you think you are? I've saved ya life, gal. I can do and say whatever the fuck I want. +I give ya enough chain so's you can get about the house. Get you to the kitchen. You need the bathroom, it'll reach. What do you want? +What do you want? We got everything we need. Plenty of food. Ya medicine still got a few good swallows in it... +We got everything we need. Plenty of food. Ya medicine still got a few good swallows in it... WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! WHATEVER YOU GONNA DO TO ME, JUST DO IT! AND LET ME GO! +WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! WHATEVER YOU GONNA DO TO ME, JUST DO IT! AND LET ME GO! God saw to it to put you in my path. And I aim to cure ya of your wickedness. +You some kind'a pervert? No ma'am. +No ma'am. Some crazy Jesus freak, gonna fuck the spirit into me... +Some crazy Jesus freak, gonna fuck the spirit into me... In my house, you watch that lip... +In my house, you watch that lip... Look it, mister... you wanna have your way, you take it. I'll do whatever you want. But you gotta let me go. You can't do this! You can't KEEP ME HERE! +Look it, mister... you wanna have your way, you take it. I'll do whatever you want. But you gotta let me go. You can't do this! You can't KEEP ME HERE! You sick. You got a sickness... we broke that fever... we gonna break that hold the devil got on ya. +LET ME GO! You can holla y'self hoarse. Ain't gonna bend my will. Right or wrong, you gonna mind me. Gonna suffer you like Jesus say, to the FAITHLESS and the PERVERSE GENERATION. +Now you get up! And you get in my house! Or what? +Stop it! Stop it! IT HURTS! Whose doin' is that? +Wicked little bitch... gonna cut me... You gonna get a lot more a'that, you keep me locked up like this! +No, ma'am. You stop that foolishness. Hm-mm... Hm-mm... +Hm-mm... Hm-mm... I said... STOP! +I said... STOP! I CAN'T! +You like this? Walkin' me through this field like I's your mule? Can't sit all day on that sofa. Need to get your legs strong. +Can't sit all day on that sofa. Need to get your legs strong. If I break one you gonna shoot me? +My Daddy was one of the first mens to organize soil conservation in these parts. That's a group of farmers, you know, each season they'd rotate the crop. Know why it's best to rotate em like that? Uh-uh. +Cuz once in a while soil need a change. Corn take up a lot of nitrate in the fertilizer. So next crop what ya do is plant ya some soy beans. That give off a lot of nitrate. Change keeps it all growin' and growin' strong. Sting a bit? Itches. +Itches. Means ya healin'. So all this farmin' make me think on Matthew. Matthew 13. The parable of the sower? Man toss seed on rock, on the wayside, some fell in thorns... you know the story? +Means ya healin'. So all this farmin' make me think on Matthew. Matthew 13. The parable of the sower? Man toss seed on rock, on the wayside, some fell in thorns... you know the story? Uh-uh. +The seed that land on good soil is for them who hear the word of God... and understand the word of God. Not enough for you to hear what I'm sayin', you gotta understand. I know. I get it. What's Matthew doin'? +I know. I get it. What's Matthew doin'? Gal... Matthew ain't doin' shit... this just a story... Look it. I've seen it in nature, I've seen it in men. Ya got to change up your crop. Cuz that seed ain't gettin' in. Ya gotta cut this shit out. Got no cause to be up under these fools, ruttin' on ya like you a bitch. Like you somebody's dog. No woman... who joins in union with Almighty God... or man... in the sanctity of marriage... should degrade herself... and bend to ANOTHER MAN'S WILL! +My God, gal, don't you got no SENSE? I ain't sayin' I ain't weak? Shit. Playin' guitar in the blood-bucket jukes all ya life... a nigga learn how to sin, let me tell you! I GOT SIN IN ME! I AIN'T GO'N LIE! BUT I GOT RESPECT! AND ALL YOU GOT IS BILE, GAL! Let go of me... +Let go of me... GIVIN' UP THAT SWITCH LIKE A TRAMP! BEHIND MY BACK AND KILL MY BABY...! +Now that's sharp. That is sharp. Chain give you any trouble? Uh-uh. +Uh-uh. Good. Now I got the steaks on, potatoes at a boil, and biscuits ready to pop in the oven. R.L. and Lincoln out yonder grillin' up the corn. What do you know how to make? +Good. Now I got the steaks on, potatoes at a boil, and biscuits ready to pop in the oven. R.L. and Lincoln out yonder grillin' up the corn. What do you know how to make? I don't fuckin' cook. +I don't fuckin' cook. Gal, I been around hard-cursin' folk all my life. And let me tell you... +Gal, I been around hard-cursin' folk all my life. And let me tell you... Look it... I put the Goddamn dress on, didn't I? I think I'm handlin' myself with some... fuckin' restraint here... how you got me locked up like a dog on a... +Look it... I put the Goddamn dress on, didn't I? I think I'm handlin' myself with some... fuckin' restraint here... how you got me locked up like a dog on a... If all you got is filth comin' out'cha mouth... people just gonna tune ya out. Rae. RAE! I'm not fightin' with ya. I just know you got more in you than junk. Now, you sayin' you don't know how to cook anything at all? You know how to boil water? +If all you got is filth comin' out'cha mouth... people just gonna tune ya out. Rae. RAE! I'm not fightin' with ya. I just know you got more in you than junk. Now, you sayin' you don't know how to cook anything at all? You know how to boil water? I can handle that. +I can handle that. Well, get to it. +They sure liked them devilled eggs. You drink whiskey? +You take it straight? Sure. +Want another? We drinkin' buddies now? +We drinkin' buddies now? To freedom. +Still makin' jokes? No joke. +If you want... I can take you back to town now. I ain't in a hurry. +Could you do somethin' for me? Anything. +My life is gone. Only life I was livin'. And I lost it. I'm here with you. +I'm here with you. I had love in my heart. And I gave it to one woman. And she gone now. Where am I gonna put all this love? +Tell me what to do. The... chain helps. +I seen a man die. He couldn't breathe... his heart was... was givin' out. You just havin' a fit. You ain't goin' nowhere. +You just havin' a fit. You ain't goin' nowhere. He told me... get help. I just stood there and watched him... I watched him die, Laz. Oh God! GODDAMMIT! +Oh, Laz... he hurt me. He... hurt me so many times. No one's gonna hurt you no more. +No one's gonna hurt you no more. You think God forgives people like that? You think God forgives people like me? +Where you gonna be? Right here. Be here all afternoon. You ready for this? +Right here. Be here all afternoon. You ready for this? I'm gonna just get some girl stuff, like make-up and... stuff. +You took care of your wife, like you do me? I tried. +What is it? Nothin'. +Get'chu at that table up yonder. By myself? +By myself? You can handle it. +Are you drunk? Keep drinkin' water and you won't get a headache in the mornin'. Yeah, gal I been here before. +Yeah, gal I been here before. I guess you have. +Laz? Can I sleep with you tonight? Don't think that'd be wise. +Don't think that'd be wise. I didn't mean it nothin' dirty. +I didn't mean it nothin' dirty. I know you didn't. But you a grown girl. You can handle it. I got to. +Sorry. Looks like you know a song. +Looks like you know a song. Don't know where I learn't it, but... it's there in my head. +How you feelin' today? You know how you feel when you come out of a bad hangover? Like your eyes can open a little bit more. +You know how you feel when you come out of a bad hangover? Like your eyes can open a little bit more. I know that. +I know that. Woke up real early. Sun was shining. Just thought I'd mess around, try to learn a song. +Woke up real early. Sun was shining. Just thought I'd mess around, try to learn a song. Go'on and sing it, I'll play. +Go'on and sing it, I'll play. No, you do it. I can't sing. +No, you do it. I can't sing. Stop that foolishness. Just do as I say and close your eyes. Close your eyes. And think about... well, for a song like this, I'd say you think about what you love. +Stop that foolishness. Just do as I say and close your eyes. Close your eyes. And think about... well, for a song like this, I'd say you think about what you love. What I love. +What I love. Get a good picture in your mind. +Now that's sharp. That's real sharp. Miss Ella Mae set you up, didn't she? You like it? I've had nice things before but I always ruined 'em somehow. +I've had nice things before but I always ruined 'em somehow. Well, this one's yours now. You ready to take care of it? +I don't want you to let go. Maybe I won't. +Do you call it a game when only one man win each time? I think you call it a damn shame. Word wit'cha. In private. +You need some weed? Been years since I fooled with that. You know a white girl? Dirty blond hair, split down the middle like? +Been years since I fooled with that. You know a white girl? Dirty blond hair, split down the middle like? That ain't up to me to hook you up. Naw what I mean? She her own, you know? +That ain't up to me to hook you up. Naw what I mean? She her own, you know? Huh? +Huh? I don't pimp that. You talkin' about who I think you talkin' about, you mean Rae. Rae Doole. Sexy little split tail, like you say. I can't hook you up with that. I got two girls. One ain't in town, the other one pregnant. So... you on your own. +I don't pimp that. You talkin' about who I think you talkin' about, you mean Rae. Rae Doole. Sexy little split tail, like you say. I can't hook you up with that. I got two girls. One ain't in town, the other one pregnant. So... you on your own. This Rae... you get with her? +This Rae... you get with her? Shit. Who hasn't? +Shit. Who hasn't? Why you say that? +Why you say that? She got a spare minute she'll snatch up anyone... but me, I'm different. Sometimes she need the real deal, so she call me up. Girl got an itch. You know... what's a nigga to do? +She got a spare minute she'll snatch up anyone... but me, I'm different. Sometimes she need the real deal, so she call me up. Girl got an itch. You know... what's a nigga to do? She like it rough? You like beatin' on her? +She like it rough? You like beatin' on her? That ain't my scene. If that's somethin' you into... +That ain't my scene. If that's somethin' you into... Now, hold up. +Now, hold up. See, that girl is in my favor. You heard me, nigga? You fuck with her rough, and you got me to fuck wit. +See, that girl is in my favor. You heard me, nigga? You fuck with her rough, and you got me to fuck wit. You collar that dog, boy. I ain't gonna hurt nobody. Just wanted to know who she was. +You collar that dog, boy. I ain't gonna hurt nobody. Just wanted to know who she was. Like I say, you wanna hook that up... I ain't in ya way. That switch of hers been all over this town. Got that sickness, you know. +Like I say, you wanna hook that up... I ain't in ya way. That switch of hers been all over this town. Got that sickness, you know. What'chu sayin'? +What'chu sayin'? She a freak. Got what you call a sexual addiction. +What'chu sayin'? What I'm tellin' you. Girl gotta get dick or she go crazy. +She a freak. Got what you call a sexual addiction. What'chu sayin'? +What'chu sayin'? What I'm tellin' you. Girl gotta get dick or she go crazy. +First hooked up with that bitch when she was 16. Girl was fuckin' the principal and two of her teachers. You know coach Reynolds? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. He tapped that. +He tapped that. Naw! +Naw! Go ask him. +You ever seen a train run on a woman? Nuh-uh. +Nuh-uh. Meanin' like a team of fellas go to work on her and she don't even break a sweat. She into football, you know. You got a letter on your jacket you get that pussy in ya lap. I ain't playin'. +How a girl get like that? Like I told you. +It got some miles on it, but my boys say she run good. Got fresh 22's on her. Ain't my doin'. That's just how it came to me. Don't worry. Nobody gonna come lookin' for it. I got the pinks... got no problem. Ain't gonna have my girl ridin' no bus. Don't see generosity much these days. Everything always got a catch. Guess I'm tryin' to say... thank you. +Don't see generosity much these days. Everything always got a catch. Guess I'm tryin' to say... thank you. Nobody ever asks me to do shit like this for people. And you know what? I'm good at it. Naw what I mean? +You ain't gonna make a fuss, are you? Nothing a man can do when a woman make up her mind. I never laid a hand on her in anger. Not a day. Not even when I's drinkin'. But this business got me wonderin' what a good shake and slap would do for her. +I never laid a hand on her in anger. Not a day. Not even when I's drinkin'. But this business got me wonderin' what a good shake and slap would do for her. That kind of talk is between us. Don't you go in there with that shit on your tongue. +That kind of talk is between us. Don't you go in there with that shit on your tongue. I didn't start this, R.L. +Bojo called. Said you got to see your brother at the long end of a broken bottle. You gonna preach 'bout turnin' the other cheek? +You gonna preach 'bout turnin' the other cheek? I think you did alright by God under the circumstances. Your people are here for you, Laz. This is your home. No shame in showing your face. +I think you did alright by God under the circumstances. Your people are here for you, Laz. This is your home. No shame in showing your face. Don't know if God wanna see me. +Don't know if God wanna see me. He knows where ya at. Just answer the door if he come knockin'. +Was that Lincoln James I seen run off? He's fine. Just had a bad fall. +He's fine. Just had a bad fall. Why's his britches round his knees? +Why's his britches round his knees? R.L., you gonna have to get on. I can't have nobody round my place. +You get a call from Rose? This ain't got nothin' to do with that woman. Just don't want nobody around me now. +This ain't got nothin' to do with that woman. Just don't want nobody around me now. Somethin' wrong with ya phone? Been callin' the last few days. +Goin' dove huntin'? You gotta go, R.L.. I ain't foolin' this time. +You gotta go, R.L.. I ain't foolin' this time. You sayin' that gun's for me if I don't? +You ain't gonna talk me outta shit no more. I got my mind made up and I ain't gonna be moved on this. Ain't gonna be moved? +Ain't gonna be moved? Got no place for preachin' here. Not now. So you do as I say... +Got no place for preachin' here. Not now. So you do as I say... Or what? +Or what? I told you to TURN BACK! +Are you outta ya GODDAMN MIND? Man like you ought not take the Lord's name like you just done. +Man like you ought not take the Lord's name like you just done. A naked woman, chained in ya house? +A naked woman, chained in ya house? I'm tellin' you the truth, dammit. I found her beat. Left for dead. So I brung her home. +I'm tellin' you the truth, dammit. I found her beat. Left for dead. So I brung her home. Laz, I know about that girl. Good number of this town's sinners got my ear, you know. Oh, Laz. She's had a mess of crabs and them STD's. What'chu thinking? +Laz, I know about that girl. Good number of this town's sinners got my ear, you know. Oh, Laz. She's had a mess of crabs and them STD's. What'chu thinking? I haven't laid a hand. On my life, R.L., my wick is dry on this. +I haven't laid a hand. On my life, R.L., my wick is dry on this. You say she was beat on. You call the sheriff on that? +You say she was beat on. You call the sheriff on that? Put yo'self in my shoes. Say you out here, alone, with a beaten, half naked, white woman loves to fuck. I been toe to toe with the law in this town for no more than being black and nearby. +Put yo'self in my shoes. Say you out here, alone, with a beaten, half naked, white woman loves to fuck. I been toe to toe with the law in this town for no more than being black and nearby. What's that chain around her for? +Why don't you go'on and ask her. She need to talk wit somebody with sense. Folks been ruttin' and beatin' on this gal all her days. And this is how I'm handling it. THIS IS HOW YOU HANDLING IT? THIS IS HOW YOU HANDLING IT? +Good. Makin' steaks for supper. I expect you to come. You mean with you and that woman chained to ya radiator? +You mean with you and that woman chained to ya radiator? You treat folks special when they company. It's just supper, R.L., shit. +You treat folks special when they company. It's just supper, R.L., shit. One thing at a time, Laz. +Pass them potatoes, Lincoln. Y'all let me know if these steaks are too dry. +Y'all let me know if these steaks are too dry. This all looks wonderful. +Mm. MM. Now these eggs got some kick to it. What'chu got in this? Ask the chef. +Gotta get that chain off her, Laz. Somethin' like this gets out, you could land in a heap of trouble. I'm dealin' with what God put before me. +I'm dealin' with what God put before me. You believe He wants this? A woman chained to ya radiator? +You believe He wants this? A woman chained to ya radiator? Not like that. +Not like that. Then what? +Then what? She's tied to me, R.L.. We tied to each other. +The hell is this shit? What? I called Bojo, like you say. Called up the fellas in the band... +What? I called Bojo, like you say. Called up the fellas in the band... The fuck are all these people doin' here? Been drinkin' in this shit hole for years ain't seen this many people since I don't know... +There you go, preacher man. Get me drunk so I don't stick my foot up yo ass. I just know how you get. Good to know, them butterflies still in ya gut. +Heard about this morning. We ain't here to talk about that shit. +Yeah, you know you home, old man. You just walked through the door. I don't know, but I been told, them Georgia women sweet jelly roll. +And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Who gives this girl in marriage? I do. +You won't at the square this mornin'. Get me ten bags of mulch. +Get me ten bags of mulch. Yes'sir. +Keep the change on that. Naw... I got it, Mr. Lazarus. You wanna tip me, best do it in butter beans. Momma say she need a bag 'a yours, none of that store-bought junk. That's what she said. +What happened in there... that won't your fault. Ain't a young man alive could keep they britches on with that girl being in heat like she is. Why she got a chain on her? +Why she got a chain on her? That's between her and me. It's private. And I don't want you goin' off and tellin' ya daddy. +That's between her and me. It's private. And I don't want you goin' off and tellin' ya daddy. Please don't tell my daddy. +Please don't tell my daddy. My mouth is shut, boy. And that's how we gonna keep it. Don't go braggin' to ya buddies, ya heard me? +So... That your first time? Yes'sir. +Yes'sir. You struck some gold, didn't ya? +I skipped lunch. Well, dig in, son. Got plenty to eat. +Thank you. I gotta ask you. Why do you think Laz is keepin' you chained like this? +I gotta ask you. Why do you think Laz is keepin' you chained like this? You know how, like they say, you save someone's life, you responsible for them. Guess he just don't think it's safe for me. +You know how, like they say, you save someone's life, you responsible for them. Guess he just don't think it's safe for me. So he got it into his head that the only thing gonna keep you from endin' up bleedin' on the side of the road again, without a stitch of clothing on is... You think he's crazy for thinkin' that? +You a preacher? That's right. +That's right. Can I ask you a question? People always say, you gotta get good with Jesus, if you want not to go to hell. That you say sorry for all you done and... and Jesus would let you go on to heaven. +Can I ask you a question? People always say, you gotta get good with Jesus, if you want not to go to hell. That you say sorry for all you done and... and Jesus would let you go on to heaven. You could put it that way. +You could put it that way. But that's so fuckin' stupid. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to curse. +But that's so fuckin' stupid. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to curse. What's on your mind? +What's on your mind? You can't hurt people... and then just say, I'm sorry, and then everything just gets washed away. Why would heaven want people like that. People who... do what they want and then... switch. +You can't hurt people... and then just say, I'm sorry, and then everything just gets washed away. Why would heaven want people like that. People who... do what they want and then... switch. I'm gonna tell you somethin', and it's just gonna be between you and me. I think folks carry on about heaven too much. Like it's some all-you-can- eat buffet up in the clouds. And folks just gonna do as they're told so they can eat what they want behind some pearly gates. I can go to Shoney's for that. +It starts like this... fire... that spreads. Starts in my head. Then moves to my stomach. Then it goes lower. I can stop it sometimes but mostly I just jump on and ride it out... then everything'll go back to normal, you know. Only thing ever took that feeling away was... was... when I met Ronnie. Cuz I love him so much. He's all I got in my life that's special. And I like taking care of him and helping him when he gets nervous. When I can do that for him... it's like I'm givin' somethin' of myself that I haven't givin' nobody else. Rae, look at Ronnie. And tell him how you feel. +This ain't gonna work. Rae... +Rae... I don't see why we gotta lie 'bout it when you and I know this ain't gonna work. +I don't see why we gotta lie 'bout it when you and I know this ain't gonna work. Rae don't do this now... +Rae don't do this now... It's stupid... It's so fucking stupid! +It's stupid... It's so fucking stupid! Rae! +Hey. Hey. +Hey. You don't gotta get up but... I gotta go... +I think if I just piss... I'll be okay. You feelin' sick? +You feelin' sick? I'm just in one of my moods. You know how I get. +I'm just in one of my moods. You know how I get. Yeah, I know. +I think it'd be better if you talk to me. Yeah? +Yeah? Just about anything, you know. It can be funny or... not. Just tell me somethin'. +Well. That's my vomit. I came in here to get sick. I thought I'd make the toilet but... anyway, I got sick. Are you wasted? +Are you wasted? No. I just got a messed up stomach. +No. I just got a messed up stomach. Holy shit! +Holy shit! What? +What? Holy shit, Ronnie! You're a fuckin' rock star. +Holy shit, Ronnie! You're a fuckin' rock star. I'm a what? +I'm a what? All them people shoutin' your name like they were doing tonight! Shit! That arm you got'll get'chu on a box of cereal... +I feel better. Do you? Yeah, I do. +Ain't been a week and you already some nigger's whore? Gill told me. Told me how you and he... you and everybody... Ronnie. Please, baby... +Ronnie. Please, baby... Did 'ya have fun with her? Sweet as a peach, I bet. Huh? Huh? +Goddamn it, I ask you a question, you better answer it, or I'm gonna blast a hole in ya! Ronnie... +Didn't know you was workin' here now? I just like dressin' up in these goddamn blue vests. Your money ticket get shipped today? +What happened to your face? Got in a little accident. +Got in a little accident. Yeah. +Since you workin' on the square now, maybe we could get some coffee in the morning, if you want. You need money again? +You need money again? No. That's not why... Why we always gotta do this? I mean, you and me been at each other as far back as I can remember. Wasn't no love between us. And I'm your daughter. I'm the only family you got. +No. That's not why... Why we always gotta do this? I mean, you and me been at each other as far back as I can remember. Wasn't no love between us. And I'm your daughter. I'm the only family you got. You never needed nobody. Always made that clear to me. +You never needed nobody. Always made that clear to me. Yeah. I know I did. But... I'm tryin' to be dif'rent. I'm tryin' to... get some peace, you know? +Yeah. I know I did. But... I'm tryin' to be dif'rent. I'm tryin' to... get some peace, you know? I'm workin' here, Rae. Can you see that? +I'm workin' here, Rae. Can you see that? I just wanted some make-up. +I just wanted some make-up. All that shit's on aisle 5. +I just think you should'a kept him off me, that's all. The hell are you talkin' about? +The hell are you talkin' about? Now see? Don't do that. I'll go along with all you say about me. But that... you can't pretend no more on that. Cuz I was just a kid, Momma. I didn't know about any of that stuff he was doin' to me. And you let him do it. Some big nobody in your life... and you let him do as he wanted... with the only SOMEBODY you had. +I'm sorry... I didn't mean to shout... All my life I been puttin' out your fires, with you givin' out your snatch to every waggin' dick in this town. And you gonna lay the blame at my feet? Well, I ain't gonna take that. +All my life I been puttin' out your fires, with you givin' out your snatch to every waggin' dick in this town. And you gonna lay the blame at my feet? Well, I ain't gonna take that. But... Momma... just tell me... not gonna be mad... we can just talk about it... Be eye to eye on this... You don't even got to say you're sorry... Just say how you knew... +But... Momma... just tell me... not gonna be mad... we can just talk about it... Be eye to eye on this... You don't even got to say you're sorry... Just say how you knew... Only thing I'm sorry for is listenin' to my parents and having you instead of doin' what I should'a done. +You got any money? Thought you had a man for that. +Thought you had a man for that. I said we wasn't gonna talk about him. +I said we wasn't gonna talk about him. What we just did, you askin' for money, make a man stop. I ain't callin' you no ho. But I ain't gonna be played like no trick, neither. Remember... you called me. +What we just did, you askin' for money, make a man stop. I ain't callin' you no ho. But I ain't gonna be played like no trick, neither. Remember... you called me. Save that hustle talk to them field ballers you sell crack to. +Save that hustle talk to them field ballers you sell crack to. What'd I tell you? I don't do none of that shit no more. I'm in communications now. +What'd I tell you? I don't do none of that shit no more. I'm in communications now. Stolen phone cards and two-ways is what you sayin'. +Mobile technology is the new fix for these niggaz, I'm tellin' you. I'm just lookin' ahead. Anyways, ain't no money in drugs no more with these rednecks popping cough pills like they's Skittles. Hey, that's what you need, girl. Get you some cough medicine. What, you sick? Just a cough. Sugar and a spoonful of Jack'll do it. +Just a cough. Sugar and a spoonful of Jack'll do it. Alright. How much you need, ho? +Alright. How much you need, ho? The hell you call me? +The hell you call me? Eh, if the bootie fits... +I think she got to you, pappy. You want a popsicle, go to Good Humor. And don't call me 'pappy.' +You want a popsicle, go to Good Humor. And don't call me 'pappy.' Still, you gotta wonder how she'd look in handcuffs. +... It's not like you were slow or anything... I think you did just fine. I think you did great. Thanks. +Hey, hey, where you goin'? Home. +Wait up. You know the guy who did the Weismuller through the window -- -- Cavello. Ronnie Cavello. +He works for Frank Abolofia. Atlantic City. Casinos. So why dive through the glass for a nickel and dime bust? +What's this? Let go... +Back-up. Get rid of it. +Get rid of it. Why? +Why? It's not regulation. And the only way you're gonna stop anybody with it is to show it to him, and while he's laughing, you can shove it down his throat. +It's not regulation. And the only way you're gonna stop anybody with it is to show it to him, and while he's laughing, you can shove it down his throat. I'll get rid of it when you get rid of the egg-beater. +Nick, let's go hunting. Bag Cavello. Charlie... +... I found the goombah... Cavello. He's -- -- I should tear your head off. +-- I should tear your head off. Whoa, I knew you were going to say that. I absolutely anticipated that, Nick. But I said to myself, Charlie, Charlie, we can move up on this, so go find Nicklaus... He'll be pissed for a moment, but then it'll dawn on him -- +Whoa, I knew you were going to say that. I absolutely anticipated that, Nick. But I said to myself, Charlie, Charlie, we can move up on this, so go find Nicklaus... He'll be pissed for a moment, but then it'll dawn on him -- -- Hey, I got a better chance of being hit by a bus then moving up. +What are they doing now? Eating Scungilli, just like the last time you asked. +Eating Scungilli, just like the last time you asked. Who do you think the Jap is? +Who do you think the Jap is? Maybe Cavello's buying a Subaru. How would I know? +Maybe Cavello's buying a Subaru. How would I know? I don't blame you for being sore. It'll pass when we bag him. +Charlie, don't do anything. Promise me? What? +Frank Abolofia. The Wolf? +Some party. Maybe we should do something? +Maybe we should do something? Charlie, take your gum, stick it under your ass and keep it warm. +What are you doing? Saving your life. +... Nick, you're the one that's always saying you never go anywhere. I was thinking the Poconos, Charlie. Maybe Vegas. +I was thinking the Poconos, Charlie. Maybe Vegas. What are you missing? Riding your motorcycle to the nurse's house. That shit is sadder than Ethiopia. +What are you missing? Riding your motorcycle to the nurse's house. That shit is sadder than Ethiopia. Beats forty hours on a plane. +Beats forty hours on a plane. They say we got to turn around and come right back. That's what they say. I got a plan. +I call, right? I say I got the dreaded thirty six-hour Asian shits from some raw clam and we stretch it into three days. You and I become a driving force on the local Geisha scene. Not a prayer. +Not a prayer. Hey, come on, big guy like you, cop from New York. You're gonna be the biggest thing to hit town since Godzilla. +What'd you say? Where is the subway station, please. +Nick... You up? No. +Nick, have I been a good partner? Number five with a bullet. +I just want you to know... I mean anybody who says you ever took has got to deal with me. Go to sleep, Charlie. +Go to sleep, Charlie. You didn't take, did you...? You hear things. +I worked the three nine in Queens, Charlie. I didn't know. +I didn't know. The lieutenant was on the pad along with the rest of the squad. I was new, didn't know shit. When the feathers flew, I got called in front of the special prosecutor. It's on the top of my personnel file. They think I'm dirty or I cut a deal. Doesn't leave you with a lot of friends either way. +Givin' you a book is like givin' a baby a gun. Hey, when in Rome -- +Hey, when in Rome -- In Rome, I'll bow. +Let's go. Nick, we can't just -- +Nick, we can't just -- I said let's go, Charlie. +... Detective Ich-iro Matsu-moto. Hey, we're getting Mr. Moto on our side. Let's grab some food. +Let's grab some food. First decent idea you've had. +This should be it... You said that in the last two places. +This the right place? I hope not. +Getting very weird. I'd feel better if we had some heat. +I'd feel better if we had some heat. Maybe we should bail? +It's incredible. Hit him or something. I don't think he'd feel it. +... He's a sorry old guy, but I like him. He couldn't find his ass with both hands. +Now that's the kind of motorcycle I want to see you on. Sure, a rice burning crotch rocket... +Sure, a rice burning crotch rocket... Nick, how we gonna bag this guy without any help? Maybe I should work on that girl Joyce, she speaks the language. +Squid? Pussy, ass, soft personnel. +Joyce can be nice. What'd she say? +What'd she say? That I should let you pay for the drinks. Kampai. +You cool, Ich? Cool? +Cool? You all right? You okay? +What does Ichiro mean, anyway? What does Charlie mean? +What does Charlie mean? Hey, all right. +Short shift? Yeah... I came to save you. If you're hopeless, I'll pull the plug. +It's getting too cold even for me, Nick. Connie... +Connie... All right, how's the new partner? +All right, how's the new partner? High spirits, desire, commitment. +High spirits, desire, commitment. You'll take care of that. +You'll take care of that. Give me a break, would you? +Give me a break, would you? If you give me one. +Are you expecting anyone? I wasn't expecting you. +Where do we start looking for this guy? Where would you look for the mafia? +Where're you going, Ichiro? The mayor's office, under the bed, the back room at Lombardi's. And call me Ich. +"""Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire."" To the killer. Jerry Lee Lewis." Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis, Dinky Doo And The Don't's. Let's book, Charlie. If he starts on Motown, we'll be here all night. +Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis, Dinky Doo And The Don't's. Let's book, Charlie. If he starts on Motown, we'll be here all night. No, this is the place for the young Yakuza. +No, this is the place for the young Yakuza. That's what you said in the last three piss pots. +... We got to keep looking. Track him down! Great balls of fire! What's the problem here? +Nick! Give us a break... +Give us a break... It's Ichiro. Ich. +It's Ichiro. Ich. Leave the rice cake outside and go home! +You know, Inspector, you take shit once, you take shit forever. I don't deserve Ohashi's respect. +I don't deserve Ohashi's respect. Why the hell not? +Why the hell not? I don't, that's all. +What happened? They made you leave your hotel... ... you caused a disturbance. +It may be too soon to talk about it. When someone we care for dies we... ... keep something of their's. A tie, a pen. Why weren't you at the platform? +Why weren't you at the platform? I couldn't keep up. My shame is complete. +You must leave? Yeah... +Yeah... I'll get him for you, Nick. +I've continued working on the case! I can see that. +How'd you get this? I stole them. +Know her? We can ask someone I used to work with. A criminal. Someone I pay money to... +We can ask someone I used to work with. A criminal. Someone I pay money to... A snitch? +What's he saying? He says they're very nice. He wants to know if you have anymore. +Nick, no one's seen Kobo in three days. He might not even be in Tokyo. Only one way to find out... Get her up in the morning and put her to bed at night. +You said you could keep up with her! 'No problem, Nick-san.' No. Don't say anything. Don't do anything, and for Christ's sake, don't apologize! +No. Don't say anything. Don't do anything, and for Christ's sake, don't apologize! Nick... +What'd I tell you? There she is! +Did I say that? You toler -- yes, tolerate me. +You toler -- yes, tolerate me. Are we getting married? +You're doing fine, Ich. Now drop it, okay? Sure. +Nick... If you're gonna give me a hard time, wait outside. +Work, lunch, groceries, laundry... Fabulous... Four goddamn days. This is going nowhere... +Chikuwa, Hampen, Kobu, Konnayaku, Ganmodoki -- Ichiro -- +Ichiro -- Broiled fish paste cake, Kelp roll, soybean curd, devils tongue -- +Broiled fish paste cake, Kelp roll, soybean curd, devils tongue -- Smells like Bayonne at low tide. +Yakuza. Good. Very good... +She disappeared... shit! You were too far behind. +You can't come in. They don't want -- Gaiijin. +Gaiijin. I'll check it out. +If I smell one drop of Scotch on your breath, my friend -- You can trust me. +I'm not drunk... We're through. I mean it. This is the end of the line, Matsumoto. +We're through. I mean it. This is the end of the line, Matsumoto. Nick -- +Nick -- Shut-up. +... A Godfather. His man was killed at the printing plant. I want to yank Kobo. +I want to yank Kobo. Not without a small army, Nicklaus- san. +Ich, my name is Nick. Not Nicklaus, not Nicklaus-san, not Nick-san. Nick. San is an honorable title. +Nick! A few minutes faster, we might've nailed him. +Where does this Sugai live? A resort city, Beppu. +A resort city, Beppu. I want to go talk to him. +I want to go talk to him. What...? Why? +What...? Why? Because he knows how to get to our man. +Because he knows how to get to our man. He'll never speak to a Gaiijin. +He'll never speak to a Gaiijin. I'll be a nice Gaiijin. +It's very small. Big enough. +Big enough. It's illegal, Nick. +It's illegal, Nick. It's a new deal. ... coming with me tomorrow? +It's a new deal. ... coming with me tomorrow? Sugai's not going to be impressed with your gun, Nick. No. I won't put myself in danger for you anymore. +What's in the box? For Sugai. Caviar, French cheese, ham... If you come to apologize for interrupting his meeting, Sugai may feel obligated to see you. +For Sugai. Caviar, French cheese, ham... If you come to apologize for interrupting his meeting, Sugai may feel obligated to see you. So I bring some cheese? +No... Let's go. Him first. +Let's go. Him first. Nick, you can't do this. +Nick, you can't do this. It's done. You don't have to come. +Grab the keys, Ich, and get inside. No. +No. Not now, man, okay, not now. Work with me. +Start it. I can't... +Just one, compadre... Kampai. Kampai. +You did great, Ichiro. I called Ohashi, he'll be waiting. I like him waiting. +I was ready to have your ass for taking off on me. I followed them. An hour from the train station. +I followed them. An hour from the train station. How many men? +How many men? I couldn't tell. +I couldn't tell. Joyce? +Joyce? I don't know. +I don't know. We need the plate to negotiate with. +Someone attacked him. Now we've got nothing to negotiate with. +Thank you. You have one? A wife. She left. +A wife. She left. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Me too. +What's that for? Luck. +You know, Nick, we can't lose. Why's that? +Why's that? Because we're the biggest things to hit this town since Godzilla. +You all right? Yes... +Yes... Call for help. +Louder, pal, louder. Joyce, give the assistant Chief Inspector a drink, would you? +Think we'll get him, Nick? We can't lose. +We can't lose. How can you be so sure? +Don't give him any more. He gets as much as he wants. +Ich said you left. There was a change in plans. +Dead gaiijin's are big news. Gaiijin? +Gaiijin? An outside person. A foreigner. A barbarian. You, me. More you. +An outside person. A foreigner. A barbarian. You, me. More you. I could use some help. Show me around. I'll pay you for your time. +I could use some help. Show me around. I'll pay you for your time. I don't give tours. +You can count on the truth from people who don't like you. You have a helluva way of asking for help. +You have a helluva way of asking for help. You have a helluva way of answering. +Look, you need Ich. I've been here five years and I still can't read all the street signs. Maybe I'm a quicker learner. +Maybe I'm a quicker learner. I don't think so. +She ever pull down her shades? Sure, but then I just pull out the photos. +Don't be an ass. He's on duty. +He's on duty. I paid for that. +You know where I can get a decent cup of coffee this time of night? I'm buying. Somebody must be suffering somewhere, you're being so nice. +I need your help, Joyce. Where's Ich? +Where's Ich? Unavailable. +I've heard of Sugai. I've also heard of the emperor. They're both national treasures. One's a hood. I need someone to translate for me. +I need someone to translate for me. My Japanese isn't that hot... Besides, you'll never get in. +My Japanese isn't that hot... Besides, you'll never get in. It's my last shot. I have to be on a plane home tomorrow night. +It's my last shot. I have to be on a plane home tomorrow night. And I'm supposed to care? +And I'm supposed to care? You could fake it. +You're wrong to sell Ich short. He drinks. +He drinks. He's got a reason. +Where's the wife? You met her. +I'd invite you up but I know you'd hate the incense. I chant. What do you chant? +What do you chant? 'Nam oyo ranged kyo.' You think it's dumb of course. +'Nam oyo ranged kyo.' You think it's dumb of course. Not if it works. I'll meet you at the train? +Not if it works. I'll meet you at the train? I don't remember saying yes. +I don't remember saying yes. I don't remember you saying no. +They want your autograph. Who am I supposed to be? +Who am I supposed to be? This little guy thinks you're Robert Redford... the other one thinks you're Charles Bronson... +This little guy thinks you're Robert Redford... the other one thinks you're Charles Bronson... Tell them I'm not. +We're in? The cheese... +You'll get Ich killed. No one's keeping him here. +No one's keeping him here. Bullshit, Nick. And don't tell me this is all just about Charlie. It's not. +Bullshit, Nick. And don't tell me this is all just about Charlie. It's not. Why would you care? +I still think you're a bastard. What if I chant? +What if I chant? Wouldn't help. Watch out for Ich. +Can't make you change your mind? Last time you asked me to come along I nearly got a hole in my head. +Last time you asked me to come along I nearly got a hole in my head. Might be different in New York. +Might be different in New York. Maybe. If I come visit, we can find out. +Maybe. If I come visit, we can find out. I'd like that. +Keep the change. I'm taking you back. +Ugly... A couple of thousand years they've been bound by these little rules. Looking in. Always afraid. Ugly little lives... Save it, I already took the tour. +Save it, I already took the tour. You are a lucky man. Where you come from a man can stand out. It's expected. Here a man is made to look a fool for standing out. +I like your friend, Joyce. You're lucky. Guess I'm on a roll. +Guess I'm on a roll. She's such a long way home for you. +She's such a long way home for you. Time, I've got plenty of. +This is my stop. I'm amused. +I'm amused. Don't be. +Sugai won't give it to me, you know that. Then take it from him. +How big a package we talking about? This by this... +This by this... Dope? +Dope? Not in that company. +Not in that company. The old man was a Japanese paper manufacturer. Hotel room and rental car were full of it. +One guy do all the damage? Yeah. +Yeah. Thought you knew your way around dark alleys, detective. +Doesn't speak a word of English. And he won't speak Japanese either. No papers. The Japanese embassy is very interested. Why? +Why? He's wanted in Japan. They want him first. Then we can have him. +He's wanted in Japan. They want him first. Then we can have him. What? +You and Charlie are taking the Jap home, tonight. What...? What if I say no? +What...? What if I say no? Check your gun before you leave. They're not allowed in Japan. It's a nice, safe country. +Check your gun before you leave. They're not allowed in Japan. It's a nice, safe country. Why me? +Why me? They said send a detective if I could spare one. I can always spare you. +It's not your job. He was my partner. +He was my partner. They're blaming it on you. Christ, Conklin, you didn't even tell me you lost the prisoner! +They're blaming it on you. Christ, Conklin, you didn't even tell me you lost the prisoner! I planned on catching him, Captain. +I planned on catching him, Captain. How? You don't know the place. You don't know the language. Get on the plane. +How? You don't know the place. You don't know the language. Get on the plane. He killed a police officer. +He killed a police officer. Your plane's at nine a.m. Be on it. That's orders. Period. +... Remember, counterfeiting is the Feds. They'll be all over Abolofia's place. Stick tight. You I.D. the other plate, he does real time. Right. +You lost a man we wanted for some time. It was very incompetent on your part, officer. Incompetent is letting people waltz through a secure area wearing your uniforms, carrying official documents. +I want a gun. It is not allowed. +It is not allowed. We're police officers. +We're police officers. You're foreigners. +You're foreigners. Work with me. I want your best detective. +Hey, inspector, I don't intend to take the rap for this. Do you know what this is? +Could you fill me in? Why don't you ask your chief detective? +Because I want you to tell me. The young are eating the old, something that usually doesn't happen here. +The young are eating the old, something that usually doesn't happen here. Can we skip the poetry, inspector? +What's this? Your visa has expired. Be on a plane in twenty-four hours or you will be deported. +Your visa has expired. Be on a plane in twenty-four hours or you will be deported. While you were hanging out at the visa office, we found the son-of-a- bitch. +While you were hanging out at the visa office, we found the son-of-a- bitch. Look. +Hey...! HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU, INSPECTOR! Twenty-four hours, detective. +Your plane leaves at six. Two officers will escort you. For God's sake, Ohashi, I need your help. Let me out of here! +For God's sake, Ohashi, I need your help. Let me out of here! You had my help, detective. +You had my help, detective. If anything happens to her while I'm here -- +If anything happens to her while I'm here -- -- Do you know where she is, detective? Do you know how to find her? Even where to start? We will find them. +-- Do you know where she is, detective? Do you know how to find her? Even where to start? We will find them. I have to get to Sugai. +I have to get to Sugai. Goodbye, officer. +Seven years work by the finest engraver. Mass produced, sequentially numbered. The best there has ever been, Mr. Conklin. I'm impressed. But let's use the short form. I'm looking for -- +I'm impressed. But let's use the short form. I'm looking for -- -- Kobo... I know. He killed two of my partners. One in New York, one at the printing plant. +I took Kobo from the street. I gave him a home, a future... But my ways were too slow for him... I served seven years in prison for my boss when I was a young man. Kobo wouldn't serve seven minutes for his Oyabun. He was supposed to take over this syndicate when I retired. I want him. +I want him. He'll be dealt with. +Our associates in New York were close to closing a deal with us. The families who control the casinos? +The families who control the casinos? Yes. Unlike our syndicates, your criminals don't understand the words 'honor' and 'duty'... We can't afford not to deal with them. +Imagine if your families could pay their gambling and drug debts with perfect counterfeit bought for cents on the dollar. The Feds would be onto you in a month. +The Feds would be onto you in a month. Not with these bills. And even if it only took them six months, do you know what our profit margin would be? +Why tell me this? The other plate is currently in New York, in the hands of Kobo's man. Find it for me. +The other plate is currently in New York, in the hands of Kobo's man. Find it for me. You trust me? +You trust me? I'll pay you. +With these? Swiss bank deposit. Gold bullion. Whatever you want. You know the city and the police. +Swiss bank deposit. Gold bullion. Whatever you want. You know the city and the police. If I say no? +If I say no? You're smarter than Kobo. You know the price of deceit. Think about it. +You're smarter than Kobo. You know the price of deceit. Think about it. I don't have to. +Good. He'll find out you took me. I'm unprotected. He'll kill us. All of us. You don't stand a chance. +That wasn't our deal. You want him dead too. +You want him dead too. After a court convicts him. He belongs to me. +Can't thank you enough, Mr. Sebastian. If you hadn't come along... We were worried to death. It's awfully kind of you. +We're not used to the big city. Where we come from it's not so easy to get lost. You certainly have a nice place here. +You certainly have a nice place here. Well stocked. +He knows what he's doing. If he won't cooperate? +If he won't cooperate? Mr. Sebastian is a host who wants to be appreciated. We'll appreciate him and he'll cooperate. +I'm sure glad you found us, Sebastian. What do you think, Mary? I don't think there is another human being in this whole world who would have helped us. +I don't think there is another human being in this whole world who would have helped us. Pris? +Let's go while there is still time. Where? +Where? Anywhere. +What's the point? Not to be trapped. +Not to be trapped. You underestimate the trap, Mary. +One man. He must be good. Then go get him. +Then go get him. That wouldn't be very sporting. +The name is Batty. Roy Batty. Oh? +Yeah. It might be better if we talk in private, Sebastian. Why don't you go home. Here's your check, my boy. Thank you. +I'm surprised you didn't come to me sooner. It's not an easy thing to meet your maker. +It's not an easy thing to meet your maker. And what can he do for you? +And what can he do for you? Can the maker repair what he makes? +Can the maker repair what he makes? Would you like to be modified? +Would you like to be modified? Had in mind something a little more radical. +Had in mind something a little more radical. What's the problem? +What's the problem? Death. +Death. I'm afraid that's a little out of my... +I want more life, fucker. Come here. +The facts of life. I'll be blunt. To make an alteration in the evolvement of an organic life system, at least by men, makers or not, it fatal. A coding sequence can't be revised once it's established. Why? +Why? Because by the second day of incubation any cells that have undergone reversion mutation give rise to revertant colonies -- like rats leaving a sinking ship. The ship sinks. +Because by the second day of incubation any cells that have undergone reversion mutation give rise to revertant colonies -- like rats leaving a sinking ship. The ship sinks. What about E.M.S. recombination? +What about E.M.S. recombination? We've already tried it -- ethyl methane sulfonate is an alkylating agent and a potent mutagen -- it creates a virus so lethal the subject was destroyed before we left the table. +Then a repressor protein that blocks the operating cells. Wouldn't obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication, so that the newly formed DNA strand carries a mutation and you're got a virus again... but all this is academic -- you are made as good as we could make you. +Wouldn't obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication, so that the newly formed DNA strand carries a mutation and you're got a virus again... but all this is academic -- you are made as good as we could make you. But not to last. +But not to last. Put it this way. Rolls Royces are made to last -- as least they were. But I'm afraid you're a Ferrari. A high strung racing car -- built to win, not to last. +Also you're too valuable to experiment with. I am? +I've done some questionable things. Also extraordinary things. +Also extraordinary things. Nothing the God of biomechanics wouldn't let you in heaven for. +I like a man who stays put. An admirable thing to be able to sustain yourself in these times. You live here all by yourself, do you? Well, no, not really. There's Mr. Deetchum, he's the watchman, he lives on the first floor. +How about breakfast, I was just going to make some. If it wouldn't be too much of a bother... a little bite to eat would be... +If it wouldn't be too much of a bother... a little bite to eat would be... Oh, no bother, I'd be glad to. +Oh, no bother, I'd be glad to. Well, actually +Why are you staring at us? You're just all so... so different. +What, Sebastian? You're androids. +What generation are you? Nexus - 6. +Show me something? Like what? +Like what? Like... +We have a lot in common. You mean that you can't come here and I can't go there? +You mean that you can't come here and I can't go there? Not only that, but we have smiliar problems. Accelerated decrepitude. But we don't want to die quite yet. +Not only that, but we have smiliar problems. Accelerated decrepitude. But we don't want to die quite yet. Of course not. +Of course not. You could help us. +You could help us. I don't know much about biomechanics, Roy. I wish I did, but you're out of my league. +I don't know much about biomechanics, Roy. I wish I did, but you're out of my league. If we don't find help soon, Pris hasn't got long to live. +What about your friend, the man who owns this building? Dr. Tyrell? +He's not really my friend. I just do a job for him now and then. Tyrell could help us, Sebastian. +Tyrell could help us, Sebastian. He could? +He could? His company made us. +His company made us. I'd be happy to mention it to him. +I'd be happy to mention it to him. Be better if I could talk to him in person. But he's not an easy man to get to. +Be better if I could talk to him in person. But he's not an easy man to get to. No. +No. When do you deliver your project? +When do you deliver your project? This afternoon. +You're our best and only friend. Thank you. +Where are you going, Sebastian? Just thought I'd... +Just thought I'd... No, you stay here with us. Out last night together. +What's going on down there? He's not ready yet. +He's not ready yet. When? +When? Tomorrow, he says. +This is my Uncle Roy, Sebastian. Hello, glad to meet you. +Then we're stupid and we'll die. Not if everybody is doing their job here at home. How are things at home? +I think, therefore I am. Very good, Pris. Now show him why. +I want to do it. Okay, but don't kill him. Save a little for everybody. A masterpiece. +Six, huh? Five. Three nights ago one of them managed to break into the Tyrell Corporation. Killed two guards and got as far as the Genetic Sector before he got fried going through an electro- field. +Five. Three nights ago one of them managed to break into the Tyrell Corporation. Killed two guards and got as far as the Genetic Sector before he got fried going through an electro- field. What was he after? +What was he after? There wasn't much left of him, so we can't be sure. But bio- chemical data and morphology records of the Nexus-6 were reported missing. Going on the possibility they might try to infiltrate we send Holden in to run Voight-Kampff tests on the new employees. Guess he found himself one. +You got a machine on it yet? We're using Esper -- a 231 -- that picked up Holden's alarm. Its guess is that all five are in the city. +We're using Esper -- a 231 -- that picked up Holden's alarm. Its guess is that all five are in the city. Where do we start? +The Tyrell Corporation has a demo model. Check it out on the Voight-Kampff. There's a chance the Nexus-6 is beyond out ability to detect. If that's the case, everybody's up shit creek. What was the cover on the one that got Holden? +What was the cover on the one that got Holden? Industrial refuse. +Industrial refuse. Garbage man? +Yeah. Bryant here. Regarding the rundown you requested on job applicants, Esper's concluded that the only irregular category that Tyrell's got is the entertainment section. You better get on it. +Bryant here. Regarding the rundown you requested on job applicants, Esper's concluded that the only irregular category that Tyrell's got is the entertainment section. You better get on it. I was just about to have my dinner. +I was just about to have my dinner. If you hurry you'll get back before it gets cold. I got a spinner on your roof in five minutes. Good luck. +She was gonna get away. Then let her get away. I thought you were a pro -- you're supposed to be a fuckin' tracker! +I didn't like her. You didn't like her!? +Look, go home. Get some rest. Take an aspirin. Yeah. +Yeah. This is Bryant. Are you alone? +This is Bryant. Are you alone? Yeah. +Yeah. She's not with you? +She's not with you? Who. +Take a number. Canapt 1700, tenth floor, Villa Vita District, Olympia South. Got it. +Got it. Okay, here it is. Eldon Tyrell, his family and half his staff were just massacred. The cat is about to get out of the bag. Pressure is definitely on. The Nexus program is terminated. When you finish there, locate Nexus designated Rachael and retire. +If you don't, we will. It has to be total, Deckard. That's an order from as high as it comes. Got it? Yeah. I got it. +Yeah. I got it. Go. +It's gotta be right for my customer. Your customer, eh? +Well, when do you get paid? Soon as I finish the job. +Soon as I finish the job. When might that be? +When might that be? Day after tomorrow. +Day after tomorrow. Oh! Day after tomorrow. +Machines can be helpful sometimes, but they can also be a pain in the ass. Ask for a trace on a forger and you might wind up at a steel- mill. I don't mind a bum-steer once in a while -- it's their personalities that usually get me. Somebody once said that man makes machines in his own image. If that's true, whoever made Esper should have been shot. This is Esper and I'm ready. Go ahead please. +You equipped for random questions? Why, yes, of course. +Why, yes, of course. You start. +You start. The five in question are third generation Nexus Sixes, constructed of skin-flesh culture, selected enogenic transfer conversion capable of self-perpetuating thought, para-physical abilities and developed for emigration program. Are you with me? +The five in question are third generation Nexus Sixes, constructed of skin-flesh culture, selected enogenic transfer conversion capable of self-perpetuating thought, para-physical abilities and developed for emigration program. Are you with me? How do I stop one? +How do I stop one? Unlike a five, they can sustain massive traumas to several parts of the body without debilitating another. Sever a leg and it will perform quicker on the remaining leg than the fastest man can run, +Unlike a five, they can sustain massive traumas to several parts of the body without debilitating another. Sever a leg and it will perform quicker on the remaining leg than the fastest man can run, Okay, but... +Okay, but... I'm coming to that. Vulnerable zone is the base of the skull, the occipital bone. A direct hit is a positive retirement. +Here's something you might find interesting. They have been built to emulate the human in every way except in its emotional spectrum. However, after a period of time it is only logical that such a 'mechanism' would create its own emotional responses, hate, love, fear, anger, envy. I know all that. +I know all that. What about a summary then. +What about a summary then. I think we're through for the night. +Yes? Do you have something against science? +Do you have something against science? Not if it works. +Not if it works. And what in your estimation works? +And what in your estimation works? The umbrella. +Four years. Which would make her termination date... Never mind. Do they have that knowledge? +Never mind. Do they have that knowledge? Longevity is classified. No. +Okay, gimme a run-down on the three females. Nexus designated Mary: incept November 1 2017, domestic conditioning non competitive, trained for day care position. +Nexus designated Mary: incept November 1 2017, domestic conditioning non competitive, trained for day care position. Next. +Next. Nexus designated Pris: incept data December 13 2017, competitive, programmed to provide pleasure for long term spacers. +Nexus designated Pris: incept data December 13 2017, competitive, programmed to provide pleasure for long term spacers. Number three. +Number three. Nexus designated Zhora: incept June 13th 2017, athletic conditioning, highly competitive, special abilities in the entertainment field. +I think I have no money. It's okay. Forget it. +It's okay. Forget it. But I would like to buy you drink. +But I would like to buy you drink. I'll but you one. What'll you have? +I'll but you one. What'll you have? Vodka! +Vodka! Shot of vodka, please. +Shot of vodka, please. Thank you very much. +Thank you very much. My pleasure. +Prosit. Prosit. +You want to see my friends? Sorry, don't have the time. +Sorry, don't have the time. No problem. +Those cockroaches? Ya. +How long you had these guys? Two months. But this one is not guy. It is girl. His girl. +Prosit. Prosit. +You like to kiss her goodbye. No thanks. +I like you. I like you too. +I like you too. One more, eh? +One more, eh? I gotta piss. +How old am I? I don't know. +My birthday is April 10, 2015. How long do I live? Four years. +I'm great. I mean, I know I'm not really great, but I feel just great. How you like my new suit? Well, you don't have to worry about getting it wrinkled. +Don't make me laugh. It makes me pee. Sorry. +Sorry. Hey, it's okay. I like to pee. So how are you doing? +Hey, it's okay. I like to pee. So how are you doing? I'm doing okay. +I'm doing okay. From what I hear you're doing great. Bryant tells me you're going like a god damn one-man army. Making a lot of money, huh? +From what I hear you're doing great. Bryant tells me you're going like a god damn one-man army. Making a lot of money, huh? Yeah. But that's what I wanted to talk to you about. +Yeah. But that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Money? +Money? No. I got a problem. +No. I got a problem. Let's hear it. +Let's hear it. I think I'm starting to empathize with these Nexus-sixes. +What's that? I'm taking a piss. +Love is just another name for sex. Love is sexy and sex is lovely -- I don't care what you call it, an android can't have it. These aren't just... +These aren't just... I know what they are, Deck -- Look, maybe they can pretend to feel, but far as the raw, hot emotions of the old heart -- no way. +Nerves of steel. No rust? +No rust? I didn't say that. Your motivity rate checked out a little slower than last time. +I didn't say that. Your motivity rate checked out a little slower than last time. Meaning? +Meaning? Meaning you don't run as fast as you used to. +During the road test... Yeah? +Yeah? Your mind kept wandering. That bothered me. +Your mind kept wandering. That bothered me. Huh huh. +Huh huh. Considering the nature of your work, that could be unhealthy. +Considering the nature of your work, that could be unhealthy. True. +But you haven't put in for emigration. Nope. +Nope. You're going to be over the limit. +You're going to be over the limit. Listen, I could make you a long list of complaints about this fucken city but I still rather be here than up there. +Listen, I could make you a long list of complaints about this fucken city but I still rather be here than up there. What if you change your mind? +What if you change your mind? They'll change the limit before I change my mind. +They'll change the limit before I change my mind. You sure? +You sure? Never been more sure of anything in my life. +Why didn't you go? Too old. +Too old. But if you could? +My job is here. Me too. +Taffey Lewis? Yes? +Yes? Can I come in? +I'd like you to take a look at these pictures. Of course. +You see I lost my contacts a couple of days ago around here somewhere and my sight is a little... What am I supposed to be looking for? Do you recognize any of them? +This one looks familiar, but I don't know. Naw. There's one came in today looks a little like this one but... What did she want? +What did she want? Who? +Who? The girl that doesn't look like that girl. +The girl that doesn't look like that girl. Nothing. She wanted to know about suck night. +Nothing. She wanted to know about suck night. What night? +What night? I didn't know if I wanted to handle her -- I already got a snake act. But my partner goes down there to the Opera House on suck night to book the good ones. +I didn't know if I wanted to handle her -- I already got a snake act. But my partner goes down there to the Opera House on suck night to book the good ones. What's suck night? +What's suck night? That's what we call in the trade, audition free-for- alls and most of it sucks. Bit I don't think that's her. +That's what we call in the trade, audition free-for- alls and most of it sucks. Bit I don't think that's her. You talking about the Opera House on the Main? +Book the good ones for where? Lots of places. The tours, the clubs, the Silicone shows, private parties. +Lots of places. The tours, the clubs, the Silicone shows, private parties. What shows? +What shows? Silicone Valley. Lots of these science guys never leave that place. We book two shows a month in there. Those big time techs and bio- guys might be real high zoners up here, but when it comes to the arts, they like it loud and lewd. +Yeah? I'm with the American Federation of Variety Artists... +There's been reports of management sexually abusing the artists in this place. I don't know nothing about it. +I don't know nothing about it. You haven't felt yourself to be exploited by the management in any way? +How do you mean 'exploited'? Like to get this position. Did you or were you asked to do anything lewd or unsavory or otherwise repulsive to your person? +Like to get this position. Did you or were you asked to do anything lewd or unsavory or otherwise repulsive to your person? Are you for real? +Are you for real? Oh, yeah. You'd be surprised what goes on around here. I'd like to check the dressing room if I could. +Oh, yeah. You'd be surprised what goes on around here. I'd like to check the dressing room if I could. What the fuck for? +What the fuck for? For holes. +It that mother real? Of course he's not real. You think I'd be working here if I could afford a real snake? +Of course he's not real. You think I'd be working here if I could afford a real snake? It's a good job. +It's a good job. You mean the snake. +The best. Does it eat? +Does it eat? Come on. +Jeezus! Sorry. +Sorry. Hey! Do your job but don't wreck mine, huh? +You'd be surprised what a guy'll go through to get a glimpse of a beautiful body. I bet I would. +I bet I would. Little dirty holes the bastards drill in the wall so they can watch a lady undress. +Me. And who do I go to about you? +It seems your department doesn't believe out new unit is to the public benefit. A humanoid robot is like any other machine, it can be a benefit or a hazard. If it's a benefit, it's not our problem. +A humanoid robot is like any other machine, it can be a benefit or a hazard. If it's a benefit, it's not our problem. But because your department can't do an adequate job in detecting the miniscule number at large, it's a problem. Correct, Mr. Deckard? +It's artificial? Of course not. +Are you apprehensive? Why should I be? +Why should I be? For the responsibility of your power. Being a police bureaucrat, you've got more than your share. +I wouldn't accept it. Also, I'd report the person who gave it to me to the police. You have a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection, plus the killing jar. +I'd take him to the doctor. You're watching T.V. and suddenly you notice a wasp crawling on your wrist. +You're watching T.V. and suddenly you notice a wasp crawling on your wrist. I'd kill it. +In a magazine you come across a full-page photo of a nude girl. Is this testing whether I'm an android or a lesbian? +Is this testing whether I'm an android or a lesbian? You show the picture to your husband. He likes it and hangs it on the wall. The girl is lying on a bearskin rug. +You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion. I'd never get an abortion. +I'd never get an abortion. Why not? +Why not? That would be murder, Mr. Deckard. +That would be murder, Mr. Deckard. In your opinion. +In your opinion. It would be my child. +It would be my child. Sounds like you speaks from experience. +Last question. You're watching an old movie. It shows a banquet in progress, the guests are enjoying raw oysters. Ugh. +Is there anything else? I know you think it complicates your work, but I'm here to help. +I know you think it complicates your work, but I'm here to help. I've already got more help than I need. +I've already got more help than I need. I think you need more help than you've got. +There's two reasons a man rejects help. Either because he's so good at what he does he doesn't think he needs it, or he's so insecure he can't admit it. Sounds like I'm an ass-hole either way, but the answer is still no. +Sounds like I'm an ass-hole either way, but the answer is still no. Two of us might be more effective than one. +Two of us might be more effective than one. I work alone. +You use your equipment, don't you? So? +So? So, I'm a piece of equipment. Use me. +Do I make you nervous? Yeah. +Yeah. I'm sorry. +I can imagine. Can you? I couldn't. +They probably want to find out when they were made. Right. +Don't just stand there looking at me. It's not polite. What do you want me to do? +What do you want me to do? Sit. +You ever take a bath with a man before? There's a lot I haven't done with a man before. +I told you I'd come back. You did? +You did? You didn't hear me. You were sleeping. +Who is this? Me and my dad. +Me and my dad. Where is he? +Where is he? Dead. +Dead. Oh. +How come you're not on the job? I am. Part of my job is to sit on a couch and try and figure things out. +I am. Part of my job is to sit on a couch and try and figure things out. How are you doing? +How are you doing? Not too good. +What do people do in the afternoon? If they are smart, they take naps. +Do you dream? Yeah. Sometimes. +Yeah. Sometimes. I wish I could. +Did you cry when your father died? Yeah. +Yeah. That's another thing I can't do. +Nobody is freer than when he dreams. I read that. It wasn't very good last night, was it? +It wasn't very good last night, was it? I don't know, I have nothing to compare it to. I guess I thought there was something more to it. +I don't know, I have nothing to compare it to. I guess I thought there was something more to it. What? +What? I don't know... I think I missed something. +I don't know... I think I missed something. Like? +Like? I'm not sure. Is there a secret? +When was the last time you cleaned this place? Hmmm? +Hmmm? Have you ever cleaned your apartment? +Have you ever cleaned your apartment? Don't be fooled by appearances. +Don't be fooled by appearances. It appears to be dirty -- why don't you get somebody? +They could clean around the arrangement. I don't like people snooping around my stuff. +But if I don't plug it in how can I... Never mind the plug, just go through the motions. +Never mind the plug, just go through the motions. But then how can you... +But then how can you... I don't like the noise. Just practice. Practice makes perfect. +This feels stupid. Good for a smart girl to feel stupid. Part of your education. +You're sick, Deckard. I never felt better. +Have you ever known anybody a long time? You mean a woman? +You mean a woman? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. What's a long time? +What's a long time? Ten years. +Ten years. Nope. Nobody could stand me that long. +Why do you call it retire, why don't you call it murder? Because it's not. +Because it's not. Don't you think anything that can suffer deserves to be considered? +Don't you think anything that can suffer deserves to be considered? Andies only simulate suffering -- if they're programmed for it. +Andies only simulate suffering -- if they're programmed for it. Do you think I simulated what happened between us? +Do you think I simulated what happened between us? No, I don't. +Don't leave here. Don't open the door, don't answer the phone. What difference will it make? +What difference will it make? Just wait here. +You know what I think? What? +What? That some of the folks around here are more programmed then me. +Where the hell you been? You know where I been. I been on vacation. +You know where I been. I been on vacation. Next time you go on vacation, do me a favor, let us know where it is. +Next time you go on vacation, do me a favor, let us know where it is. What's up? +What's up? Holden got hit. +Bad? Severed spine. You'd better get in here. Bryant's waiting for you. +Severed spine. You'd better get in here. Bryant's waiting for you. I'll see you in a minute. +Thanks. Black? +Black? Please. +Is this to be an empathy test? Yes. +Yes. Capillary dilation of the so-called blush response? Plus fluctuation of the pupil, plus involuntary dilation of the iris? +May I ask a personal question? Go ahead. +Go ahead. Have you ever retired a human by mistake? +Have you ever retired a human by mistake? No. +No. But in your profession that is a risk. +But in your profession that is a risk. Nothing is infallible, but so far the Voight-Kampff scale bas been foolproof. +Nothing is infallible, but so far the Voight-Kampff scale bas been foolproof. Like you said, Mr. Deckard, a machine can be a hazard. The Voight-Kampff scale is a machine, isn't it? +Like you said, Mr. Deckard, a machine can be a hazard. The Voight-Kampff scale is a machine, isn't it? One that relies on human interpretation. Where's the subject? +One that relies on human interpretation. Where's the subject? Sitting next to you. +Well? If she is, the machine works. +If she is, the machine works. The machine works. She is. +How many questions did it take? Thirteen. +She didn't know? Memory implant. She was programmed. But I think she has transcended her conditioning. I think she was beginning to suspect. +How many questions does it usually take, Mr. Deckard? Five, maybe six. +And how is it one man will be able to cover so much ground? Discreetly. +Discreetly. All pertinent information is being fed into your departmental computer, an Esper 231 -- I believe -- and a photo over-lay packet is being produced. +Let's keep our eyes on the road, Deckard. Sorry. +We're going to have to start the sequence again if you don't stay with me, Deckard. Concentrate. How do you know I'm not? +How do you know I'm not? You're not responding to the stimulus. I can see right here, I'm not getting a reading. +You're not responding to the stimulus. I can see right here, I'm not getting a reading. I'm tired of this. +I'm tired of this. Almost through. +I kinda get nervous when I take tests. Don't move. +Don't move. Sorry. +Already had I.Q. test this year -- but I don't think I never had a... Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Answer quickly as you can. +You're in a desert, walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down and see a... What one? +What? What desert? +What desert? Doesn't make any difference what desert -- it's completely hypothetical. +Doesn't make any difference what desert -- it's completely hypothetical. But how come I'd be there? +But how come I'd be there? Maybe you're fed up, maybe you want to be by yourself -- who knows. So you look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling towards you... +Maybe you're fed up, maybe you want to be by yourself -- who knows. So you look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling towards you... A tortoise. What's that? +A tortoise. What's that? Know what a turtle is? +Know what a turtle is? Of course. +Of course. Same thing. +Same thing. I never seen a turtle. +But I understand what you mean. You reach down and flip the tortoise over on its back, Leon. +Whatcha mean, I'm not helping? I mean you're not helping! Why is that, Leon? +How come you were in my truck? I was tired and didn't have any place to go. +What's your name? Pris. +Pris. Mine's J.F. Sebastian. +Mine's J.F. Sebastian. Hi. +You want to go home? I don't have one. +I don't have one. Oh. +Where are your folks? They left. +They left. What about friends? +What about friends? I have some, but I have to find out where they are staying. +We scared each other pretty good didn't we? We sure did. +I'm hungry, J.F. I've got stuff. If you wanna go to my place? +I've got stuff. If you wanna go to my place? I was hoping you'd say that. +Whatcha doin'? You scared me. +You look... better. Just better. +Just better. Beautiful. +Beautiful. Thanks. +And you live in this building all by yourself? Yeah, I live here pretty much alone right now... +Twenty. What's your problem? +Methuselah Syndrome. What's that? +What's that? My glands. They grow old too fast. +My glands. They grow old too fast. Is that why you're still here? +Is that why you're still here? Yes. I couldn't pass the test. +Ah, you get hold of your friends? As a matter of fact I did. They've got some work to do tonight, but they're gonna come tomorrow. +As a matter of fact I did. They've got some work to do tonight, but they're gonna come tomorrow. Good. +Sebastian doesn't like to go out too much. I keep a lot of provisions right here. +What makes you think so? You're all so perfect. +Hi! Yes? +Yes? I was wondering if you might help me. I...I seem to have lost my Congressional Medal of Honor somewhere around here. +Oh, now, that's a great one! You like it? +You like it? Bravo! +Bravo! Thank-Q! +This is my new friend... I'm Adam Webber. +I'm Adam Webber. He's really funny! +We work on Rodeo Drive. But we're both professional dancers. Really? +You're kidding! No, I'm not! My mom taught me. +No, I'm not! My mom taught me. Your mom was a dancer? +Your mom was a dancer? She is a dancer! And a lovely one! You would like her very much! Shall we dance? +She is a dancer! And a lovely one! You would like her very much! Shall we dance? Sure. +I'm Nina Aron, Adam. How do you do? +How do you do? Very well, thank you. I'm with the County Family Services Department. Eve tells me you've been living in a bomb shelter most of your life. +Very well, thank you. I'm with the County Family Services Department. Eve tells me you've been living in a bomb shelter most of your life. Fallout shelter. There's a difference. +Fallout shelter. There's a difference. Adam, I'd like to introduce you to my associate -- Mr. Brown. +We want you to come with us so we can talk some more about your experiences. Come where? +Come where? My office. +My office. For how long? +For how long? Well, that depends... +Well, that depends... I thank you very much for the invitation, but I'm quite busy today. Perhaps I could see you tomorrow. +Let's go talk first, Adam. Yes, ma'am. +The key to my hotel room! I want you to have my baseball cards! And please be sure to pay my bill! Young man, stop right there! +How do you do? I do fine, Adam. How 'bout yourself? You doin' any good? +But I do miss that green sport coat of yours. Thank you very much. But, Cliff, that's my seat. And I was just-- +Thank you very much. But, Cliff, that's my seat. And I was just-- How 'bout a drink at the bar? +Please excuse this interruption. Oh, brother... +Eve, I don't mean to be rude, and please excuse me Cliff, but Eve, isn't Cliff just a butt with hair? What?! +What?! I'm sorry, and legs. Legs, butt and hair. Well, isn't he? And shallow, as well? +I'm sorry, and legs. Legs, butt and hair. Well, isn't he? And shallow, as well? Shallow? I'm shallow?! +Cliff, I must warn you. I know how to defend myself. Do ya? +Maybe we shouldn't fight at all. Fighting is pretty immature. It certainly is. I agree with you completely. +It certainly is. I agree with you completely. Eve? I'm leaving. +Bon soir, mademoiselle! Are you French? +Are you French? No. I'm from out of town. I'm here on business. +No. I'm from out of town. I'm here on business. Well, your business must not be sports memorabilia, because this one Mantle card right here-- --is worth six thousand dollars all by its little self. +Get out of here! No, you get out of here. +Come on, Heathcliff, I'll walk you to the corner. Yes, ma'am. But my name is Adam. +Where are we going? We? I'm going home. And, judging by that coat, I'd say you have to get back to the barber college. +We? I'm going home. And, judging by that coat, I'd say you have to get back to the barber college. No, I'm lost. +No, I'm lost. You're lost? +You're lost? Say,...did you just lose your job because of me? +Say,...did you just lose your job because of me? Forget it. I'm sick of working for that dickhead. +Forget it. I'm sick of working for that dickhead. Dickhead? +Dickhead? A walking penis capable of intelligent speech. A dickhead. +What's wrong with you? I just had a mental picture of... +I just had a mental picture of... Here, pick these up! +I came on a bus. Why doesn't that surprise me? +Why doesn't that surprise me? I don't know. Why doesn't it? +Well, I guess because I'm a little psychic...I have this thing. Oh, that's nice. +Oh, that's nice. Let me guess something. This is your first visit to La La Land. You're staying somewhere over in Hollywood because, like an idiot, you thought that would be an exciting place to stay. Right so far? +So far? Yes, I'm right? +Yes, I'm right? Right. +Right. I knew it! So anyhow, you get on a bus and before you know it, you're out here in the San Fernando Valley without a clue. Which brings us to here. Correct again? +I knew it! So anyhow, you get on a bus and before you know it, you're out here in the San Fernando Valley without a clue. Which brings us to here. Correct again? Again. +Again. Where are you staying? The Holiday Inn? +Where are you staying? The Holiday Inn? Yes! Yes! The Holiday Inn! That's exactly right! +Yes! Yes! The Holiday Inn! That's exactly right! See? I'm psychic. Not completely, but pretty much. That was pretty good, wasn't it?! +See? I'm psychic. Not completely, but pretty much. That was pretty good, wasn't it?! It was amazing. +It was amazing. Yeah. Thanks. Anyhow, let me predict a bus for you to get on. +Yeah. Thanks. Anyhow, let me predict a bus for you to get on. Do you own a car? +Do you own a car? I'm not taking you there, Sweetie. Rule Number One in North America: No strangers in the car. +I'm not taking you there, Sweetie. Rule Number One in North America: No strangers in the car. If it will make you feel any better, I don't have a gun. +If it will make you feel any better, I don't have a gun. You don't? +You don't? Nope. +Nope. Well, that changes everything. Get the fuck away from me!! I mean it!! +I'm sorry! I said something wrong, didn't I! Please forgive me! Get away from me!! +Wait! Please wait! I'll make a deal with you! I'll give you a Rogers Hornsby, if you'll take me to the hotel! Rogers Hornsby?!? +Rogers Hornsby?!? He's all yours. I was holding him back. +Rogers Hornsby's worth like four thousand dollars! So what?! I've got two of him! And this many DiMaggios and Robinsons. I was holding these out, too. +So for four thousand dollars, all I have to do is drive you to your hotel? Yes. +Yes. And that's it? +And that's it? Yes. +Yes. I don't have to take a physical in your space ship? +I don't have to take a physical in your space ship? Heck, no! What?! +Heck, no! What?! Okay. What the hell? You got a deal. Get in. +So...Mister Andretti, your first time on the freeway? It's Webber. Adam Webber. +It's Webber. Adam Webber. Mind if I change the station? Better traffic reports on AM. +Wait! Wait! What is it?! +What is it?! It's Perry! +It's Perry! Perry? +Perry? Perry Como! You had him! Go back! Go back! +Perry Como! You had him! Go back! Go back! Okay, okay! Take it easy! +How's that? Oh, I could die... +Oh, I could die... Over this? +Over this? Yeah! Listen to this part. This is where it really takes off! +Yeah! Listen to this part. This is where it really takes off! You are one scary son-of-a-gun. +Hey, what are you doing?! I know a short-cut. +Gee-zooie!! You better slow down!!! I can't help it. Perry Como always does this to me! I just get so cranked! +That was...wonderful! I've never felt anything like that in my life. Yeah, same here. Don't forget your suitcase. +Yeah, same here. Don't forget your suitcase. Right. +I am so glad to see you!! I thought I'd never see you again! Okay, down boy. I can't take this for driving you home. I wish I could, but I can't. So here, take it back. I could have just left it for you at the desk, but it's very valuable. Now take it. +Okay, down boy. I can't take this for driving you home. I wish I could, but I can't. So here, take it back. I could have just left it for you at the desk, but it's very valuable. Now take it. I can't, it's yours. +I can't, it's yours. Take it. damn it! +Take it. damn it! Okay. +Why are you doing that? I haven't brushed yet. +I haven't brushed yet. Oh. Okay. Well, so long. Enjoy your visit. +Wait, Eve, please! Wait. Please don't follow me. Don't do it! +I knew this would happen! You're like a lost puppy! Can't you please just talk to me for one second? +Can't you please just talk to me for one second? Okay! Damn! +Troy? Is he your husband? Or a boyfriend? No. +No. Thank-Q! +Thank-Q! Oh, stop that! God! Listen, I know you like me. I can tell. But you know what? A lot of guys like me. Not me, exactly. It's more like the legs or the butt or the hair. Or some combination of the above. +Oh, stop that! God! Listen, I know you like me. I can tell. But you know what? A lot of guys like me. Not me, exactly. It's more like the legs or the butt or the hair. Or some combination of the above. I think it's the eyes. +I think it's the eyes. The eyes. Okay. An eye-man. Anyhow, it never works out. Okay? Not that you even need to know that! You look like crap, by the way. What have you been doing? +The eyes. Okay. An eye-man. Anyhow, it never works out. Okay? Not that you even need to know that! You look like crap, by the way. What have you been doing? Watching television in color. +Watching television in color. Hey, no kidding? In color? +Hey, no kidding? In color? Cross my heart and hope to die. +See, ya. Why doesn't it never work out? +Why doesn't it never work out? What? +What? Why does it never work out? You and...men? +Why does it never work out? You and...men? Why?! Who the hell knows?! +...Okay. It never works out because I'm into legs and butts and hair myself! That's why! So I wind up with guys who are very good looking, but even more shallow than I am, if you can picture that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find another low-paying, demeaning job where some guy named Jerry keeps telling me how lousy his marriage is. +It never works out because I'm into legs and butts and hair myself! That's why! So I wind up with guys who are very good looking, but even more shallow than I am, if you can picture that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find another low-paying, demeaning job where some guy named Jerry keeps telling me how lousy his marriage is. Why not go to work for me? +Why not go to work for me? Doing what? +Doing what? Selling all my baseball cards. And helping me buy enough food and supplies to fill several large trucks. +Selling all my baseball cards. And helping me buy enough food and supplies to fill several large trucks. Food and supplies? Who for? Like starving people? +Well, they're not starving yet, but they need help. How long would you need me? +How long would you need me? Two weeks. +Two weeks. What's the pay? +What's the pay? What's fair? +What's fair? I've got to make at least a thousand a week. +You got it! Wait here while I change. Sure. +Why not buy them milk or something-- instead of Dr. Pepper? They like Dr. Pepper. +They like Dr. Pepper. Who are these people? +Who are these people? My Mom and Dad. +My Mom and Dad. Very funny, smart ass. +Very funny, smart ass. Hey! Pipe tobacco! I'm going to need all of this! This is swell! +Wait! Wait! What? +Well, another day, another dollar. Stop staring at me!! Sorry. +Pick you up at eight tomorrow morning. Hey, you know. I was thinking... +Hey, you know. I was thinking... Night! +We'll have to rent a refrigerated truck for the beef and poultry. It's your life. And, by the way, it's a dandy. +It's your life. And, by the way, it's a dandy. I guess we'll need another locker. +I guess we'll need another locker. No problem. We'll just sell another baseball card. +No problem. We'll just sell another baseball card. You know, Eve -- don't get mad, okay? - - but, I'd just be lost without you. +Thank you. And, um ...I guess... I guess you and I, uh... +And, um ...I guess... I guess you and I, uh... Adam? Don't even think about it. Okay? I'm sorry. I know that sounds mean, but believe me, it would be meaner if I didn't say it. Okay? +Adam? Don't even think about it. Okay? I'm sorry. I know that sounds mean, but believe me, it would be meaner if I didn't say it. Okay? Okay. +Okay. Now, let's take the truck back and get something to eat. +There's something else I would like you to help me with. Name it. +Name it. Well, this is going to sound a little crazy. +Well, this is going to sound a little crazy. Oh, I'm sure it will! +Oh, I'm sure it will! Then forget it. +Then forget it. No, no! I'm sorry! What is it? +No, no! I'm sorry! What is it? This is for me. +This is for me. Think of me as your genie. Just ask. +Well... Okay. I would like you to help me find a...wife. A wife? +A wife? Yes. +Yes. What for? +What for? Because I want to get married. +Because I want to get married. Why?! +Why?! I don't want to be alone. +I don't want to be alone. You can be single and not alone. Marriage bites! +You can be single and not alone. Marriage bites! Bites what? +Bites what? The big one! +The big one! It does? +It does? Sure. +Sure. I didn't know that. +I didn't know that. Everybody knows that. Ask my divorced sisters. Or ask my divorced mom and dad. +Everybody knows that. Ask my divorced sisters. Or ask my divorced mom and dad. They're all divorced? +They're all divorced? Everybody's divorced. +Everybody's divorced. It didn't used to be that way. +It didn't used to be that way. I wouldn't know. What kind of wife are you looking for? +I wouldn't know. What kind of wife are you looking for? One who's not a mutant. +One who's not a mutant. No dogs, huh? Okay. +No dogs, huh? Okay. And if possible, I'd like to marry someone from Pasadena. +When do you need her by? Two weeks. +Two weeks. Well, I could probably get you laid in two weeks, but to locate a non-mutant wife from Pasadena...that could take some time. +Well, I could probably get you laid in two weeks, but to locate a non-mutant wife from Pasadena...that could take some time. That's what I was afraid of. +Could we talk about that a little later? Of course. +Of course. Thank you. +Get out! The engine is still running. +Now, get out!! Yes, ma'am! +Yes, ma'am! Stop that ma'am crap! +Stop that ma'am crap! Sorry! +You almost got us killed! I told you I've never driven before! +I told you I've never driven before! Never drive again! +Never drive again! You said it would be easy! +You said it would be easy! I was wrong!! +I was wrong!! Is this your house? +Is this your house? Yes! +Yes! I like it. +Why, thank you! Very nice to have met you, Cliff! May I ask you a question? He's a former boyfriend. We lived together for about six months. And yes, I'll admit it. I've still kind of got a thing for him. That's what you wanted to know, isn't it? +He's a former boyfriend. We lived together for about six months. And yes, I'll admit it. I've still kind of got a thing for him. That's what you wanted to know, isn't it? Actually,no. I was wondering why Cliff likes to wear another man's underpants. +Actually,no. I was wondering why Cliff likes to wear another man's underpants. What?! +Here you go. One champagne cocktail. Thank-Q! +Thank-Q! I thought only hookers drank those things. +I thought only hookers drank those things. Well, I know Mom sure likes 'em! +Okay, let's see...I'm not promising anything. You okay? Um-hum. +Um-hum. I'm seeing...snow... lots of snow. Way up North. Are we getting hot? +I'm seeing...snow... lots of snow. Way up North. Are we getting hot? Yes! +Yes! You live in...Alaska. The only way in or out of your place is by plane and... you've definitely come down here for food and supplies and... to find a wife! +You live in...Alaska. The only way in or out of your place is by plane and... you've definitely come down here for food and supplies and... to find a wife! Wow. +Yeah, right! That's where you'd go to find girls! Nome. He's gay, by the way. Good for you. +Where's he gone? He's gone to check your answers on his computer. +He's gone to check your answers on his computer. He has a computer? +He has a computer? Sure. +Sure. In the house? +In the house? No. We keep it in the backyard. Of course, in the house. It's in there. +No. We keep it in the backyard. Of course, in the house. It's in there. May I please be excused? +May I please be excused? Uh...yeah. +All right. So, what are you seeing? +The what? Wazoo! Try to listen. Whataya think? Surfer, grunge, hip- hop, Euro trash? +The guy with the underpants! That's boring! +About clothing? Yeah. +Yeah. Whatever you two want. If you've got the time, I've got the wazoo. +What about holding your right arm up like that all the time? It's fine. Just give it a try. And for gosh sake, Eve, take your foot off the chair! +He's going to kill himself. Go skate out on the bike path! It's that way! Okay! +Hey, Eve! "Have you ever heard the saying, ""He hasn't got enough sense to come in out of the rain?""" +"Have you ever heard the saying, ""He hasn't got enough sense to come in out of the rain?""" Yep. You know, my father -- who is a scientist -- says that everything is a miracle. Everything. Until recently I wasn 't sure what he meant by that. +Yep. You know, my father -- who is a scientist -- says that everything is a miracle. Everything. Until recently I wasn 't sure what he meant by that. Yeah? No kidding. Listen, you still want to go girl hunting tonight? +Yeah? No kidding. Listen, you still want to go girl hunting tonight? I certainly do! +I certainly do! Okay. But you know, this business of finding you a wife -- it's kind of ridiculous, don't you think? +Okay. But you know, this business of finding you a wife -- it's kind of ridiculous, don't you think? No it's not! +No it's not! Yes it is. A girlfriend maybe. But a wife? I mean... +Yes it is. A girlfriend maybe. But a wife? I mean... Then just help me find a girlfriend! That's all I ask. I'll give you every single card I've got left! +Then just help me find a girlfriend! That's all I ask. I'll give you every single card I've got left! Hey, screw you! Okay? You think I'm just somebody you can buy off! Listen, let me tell you something-- +Hey, screw you! Okay? You think I'm just somebody you can buy off! Listen, let me tell you something-- Would you do it just because you're my friend? My very best friend. +Would you do it just because you're my friend? My very best friend. Well...yeah. Okay. +My goodness gracious! This place is something! Look unimpressed. +No! Not crazy! Do I look crazy? +Do I look crazy? Yes! +Quit showing off! We're here on business! Good-bye! +I thought I was here to meet women. Not that one! +Not that one! I like her. +I like her. And don't be so obvious! +What have you ordered? It's a Rob Roy. A very popular drink, I'm told. +What about her? No way. +No way. Why?! I think she's very attractive. +Why?! I think she's very attractive. "Adam! She's got bitch written all over her! You do know what ""bitch"" means, don't you?" +"Adam! She's got bitch written all over her! You do know what ""bitch"" means, don't you?" Yes, I have a dictionary. But I can't understand for the life of me why you would call her that! Or why Cliff would say that about you. +Yes, I have a dictionary. But I can't understand for the life of me why you would call her that! Or why Cliff would say that about you. Because we're bitches! Look at her! Look at the expression on her face! The walk, the jewelry, the fingernails. Please! +Because we're bitches! Look at her! Look at the expression on her face! The walk, the jewelry, the fingernails. Please! How 'bout this one? +Okay. I like that. Yeah, sweet. That's a nice way of putting it. +Yeah, sweet. That's a nice way of putting it. What do I say to Miss Sweet when I meet her? +Really? "Yes, really! Basically, they want what they think they can't have. Same with guys. That's why everybody is walking around here sending off ""you can't have me"" signals!" +That's ridiculous. Maybe. But that's how it works. +Yeah. Could be. Go say hello, Romeo. Looks like a healthy non-mutant to me. Okay. All right. And what do I say? +Okay. All right. And what do I say? Say something surprising. And funny. Lie, if need be. +What? Romeo and Juliet. I cried at the end. +Romeo and Juliet. I cried at the end. Did you? +You wanted to see me! You're not from Alaska! Where'd you learn to dance like that?! And there are no starving people, are there?! +You're not from Alaska! Where'd you learn to dance like that?! And there are no starving people, are there?! Why are you suddenly so mad at me? +Why are you suddenly so mad at me? Don't change the subject! I want you to tell me the truth about yourself. +Don't change the subject! I want you to tell me the truth about yourself. I've never lied to you. I've maybe let you believe things that you wanted to believe, but I've never lied. +I've never lied to you. I've maybe let you believe things that you wanted to believe, but I've never lied. You think I'm some sort of sap?! Don't you?! +You think I'm some sort of sap?! Don't you?! No. I admire you. I...I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I did. I think that you are the most-- +No. I admire you. I...I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I did. I think that you are the most-- I want to know exactly who you are and what you're really up to! +I want to know exactly who you are and what you're really up to! All right. Let me tell you the whole thing. In 1962-- +Adam?! I'm sorry. +I don't blame you! Eve, I'm sorry. +I'm leaving, too. But, Eve, I would-- +But, Eve, I would-- And tomorrow maybe Troy will help you out--because I quit! This is ridiculous! You're ridiculous! I'm ridiculous! +Eve?! Scare me, why don't you?!!? You stupid son of a bitch!!! +Scare me, why don't you?!!? You stupid son of a bitch!!! I'm really sorry! +I'm really sorry! What in the hell are you doing here!! You're supposed to be over on San Vicente Boulevard having unsafe sex with that slut Sophie!! +What in the hell are you doing here!! You're supposed to be over on San Vicente Boulevard having unsafe sex with that slut Sophie!! I know...and I'm really sorry. +I know...and I'm really sorry. Well, you should be! Thanks to you, my heart is in my neck! +Well, you should be! Thanks to you, my heart is in my neck! What? +What? Goodnight! +Eve, if you'll let me, I can -- Look! I'm limping! How attractive is that?! What if this is for life?! +Look! I'm limping! How attractive is that?! What if this is for life?! I know first aid! +I know first aid! Well, you had better!! +There. Thanks. +I went to Sophie's and she was very hospitable. Is that what you call it? +Is that what you call it? "But it just wasn't where I wanted to be so I left as politely as I could and found a taxi. But I asked the driver to drop me here instead of at the hotel. There's a song Mister Como sings called ""On the Street Where You Live."" You know it?" +"But it just wasn't where I wanted to be so I left as politely as I could and found a taxi. But I asked the driver to drop me here instead of at the hotel. There's a song Mister Como sings called ""On the Street Where You Live."" You know it?" Sing it to me. +Sing it to me. """All at once am I--several stories high-- knowing I'm--on the street-- where you live."" It's about a young man who is overjoyed just to be standing in front of the house of the person he loves." +Adam...dumb question, but humor me. Have you ever had sex before? No. +Uh-huh. Adam? Yes, Eve? +Yes, Eve? I want you to go back to the hotel now. I'll call you a cab. +I want you to go back to the hotel now. I'll call you a cab. Of course. I shouldn't be over here at this hour. +That's right. And I'll see you in the morning in the lobby. Do you mind waiting outside for the taxi? Not at all. And Eve thank you for tonight...and for the kiss. My first. +Not at all. And Eve thank you for tonight...and for the kiss. My first. My pleasure. +My pleasure. It was at least as good as the sky. +It was at least as good as the sky. Really? Okay! +Really? Okay! And I think better than the ocean. I'm serious! +And I think better than the ocean. I'm serious! Neat. Goodnight! +Hi, Eve! Hi, Adam. This is, uh.... +Adam....you should go with Dr. Aron. It's the best thing. The best thing for you. I promise. ...All right, Eve. If you say so. +...All right, Eve. If you say so. ...I do. +...I do. Could I please just go home? I was lost, but this morning I found home and I promise not to bother any of you ever again. +No. See! I can't tell them that! I can't ever let them know. It makes their life..well, frankly... a joke. I can't let that happen. You understand? +See! I can't tell them that! I can't ever let them know. It makes their life..well, frankly... a joke. I can't let that happen. You understand? We can make this work, Adam! Believe me! I'm very good at making things work! +We can make this work, Adam! Believe me! I'm very good at making things work! My mother's like that. +Is that a birthday cake?! Yes, it is. +Yes, it is. Gee-ma-nee! +Is this because of the radiation? What? +What? Nothing. +Good evening. I want to stay at this hotel. Fill this out please. And I'll need a card. +Fill this out please. And I'll need a card. A card? +A card? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Of course! +Are you all right? Yes! Yes! Oh, Lord! Yes, oh, yes! But where is the one who came last night -- all in yellow?! +Yes! Yes! Oh, Lord! Yes, oh, yes! But where is the one who came last night -- all in yellow?! All in yellow? Oh! That was my father! +All in yellow? Oh! That was my father! Ooooohhhh!! Of course! The father! Forgive me!! Can you forgive me for my wasted life?! Everything has been so awful!! +Ooooohhhh!! Of course! The father! Forgive me!! Can you forgive me for my wasted life?! Everything has been so awful!! I know it has been terrible. But it wasn't your fault. And now all the decay is over with and things are going to get better. You understand? +I know it has been terrible. But it wasn't your fault. And now all the decay is over with and things are going to get better. You understand? Yes. +Yes. I've got to go, now. +I've got to go, now. Of course you do. I'll stay here and pray. +Of course you do. I'll stay here and pray. That's always a good idea! Would you like some money? I have a great deal of it. +That's always a good idea! Would you like some money? I have a great deal of it. No. I don't need money anymore -- I see that now. +No. I don't need money anymore -- I see that now. How do I leave here? +How do I leave here? The front door is open. Will you be back? +The front door is open. Will you be back? I promise. +I've got almost everything we need! And this nice man... Archbishop Melker. We met earlier. +"This is what money looks like. It comes like this, in coin, or like this in paper. Or you can have an ""investment."" These are stock ""certificates"" that we bought in your name. Of course, they're worthless now, but at one time they were quite valuable." They're pretty. Can I have them? +They're pretty. Can I have them? Sure. Now, let's move on to our French exam. +Sure. Now, let's move on to our French exam. Latin exam, Dad. It's Tuesday. +Latin exam, Dad. It's Tuesday. You're right! It's Tuesday already! By gosh, time flies, doesn't it?! +You're right! It's Tuesday already! By gosh, time flies, doesn't it?! Tempus fugit! +Tempus fugit! En arte voluptus. Que les bons temps roulÈ! +En arte voluptus. Que les bons temps roulÈ! Gerade aus dann links! +Gerade aus dann links! Sorgen sie bitte dafur das die gepack sorgfaltic behandeldt warren! +Sorgen sie bitte dafur das die gepack sorgfaltic behandeldt warren! Haben sie etuas nettes in leder?! +Haben sie etuas nettes in leder?! You know, you have a wonderful sense of humor, son! I must say, the acorn doesn't fall very far from the tree. By the way, it's time I gave you something. Come with me. +These are wonderful. It's my entire baseball collection. It's yours now. +It's my entire baseball collection. It's yours now. What's baseball? +What's baseball? It's a game, son. I can explain it pretty easily. There's a pitcher. +It's a game, son. I can explain it pretty easily. There's a pitcher. Like a painting? +Like a painting? No, son. A pitcher. +No, son. A pitcher. Like one of Mom's? +Like one of Mom's? Uh, no. There's a man who throws the ball -- to a man who has a bat. +Uh, no. There's a man who throws the ball -- to a man who has a bat. The nocturnal flying mammal? +The nocturnal flying mammal? No. Sit down. +No, no! The runner on second goes to third! He's out there! Why? +Why? Because he's forced out at third! It's a force! +Because he's forced out at third! It's a force! Then why go there? +Then why go there? Because he must! +Thank you, Mom! Thanks, Dad! Blow out the candles! +Oh, boy! A jacket! Your mom made that all by herself. +Your mom made that all by herself. No kidding! +Holy Cow! What the heck are these?! Your roller-skates! I redesigned them! I think this new design will work even better! +Your roller-skates! I redesigned them! I think this new design will work even better! These are really swell! I mean swell! +Well, do we just go on up?! No, son! We wait for night. Now...is precisely when... we must be at our... most cautious. +Helen-Thomas-Webber! Maybe we have been down here a little too long! Please excuse her French. Shit is a French word? +C'est bon, Monsieur. Merci! +Adam...don't forget...don't forget ... Yes, father?! Yes? +Yes, father?! Yes? ...the pipe tobacco. +...the pipe tobacco. Yes, sir. Is that all? +"Also...stay out of the ""Adult Bookstore.""" Adult Bookstore. Why? +Adult Bookstore. Why? Poison gas. Invisible. Don't forget. +Poison gas. Invisible. Don't forget. I promise. Is that all? +I promise. Is that all? One more thing. If you find a healthy young woman, bring her back with you. +One more thing. If you find a healthy young woman, bring her back with you. I'll try. +But, I don't understand. And, I'm asking you to trust me without understanding why. +And, I'm asking you to trust me without understanding why. Well, in that case...of course, son. +This is great son, just great. By the way, Eve's last name. Rus-to-kov, that's not Russian, is it? It's Ukrainian. Her grandparents immigrated here. +It's Ukrainian. Her grandparents immigrated here. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Dad, I don't know how to tell you this. And I was going to wait a while, but I think...Dad,there was no bomb. A plane crashed into our backyard. I looked it up in old newspapers. +Dad, I don't know how to tell you this. And I was going to wait a while, but I think...Dad,there was no bomb. A plane crashed into our backyard. I looked it up in old newspapers. You're sure? +You're sure? Positive. The Soviet Union collapsed without a shot being fired. The Cold War is over. +Positive. The Soviet Union collapsed without a shot being fired. The Cold War is over. That's what everybody believes? +That's what everybody believes? Yes, sir. It's true. +Yes, sir. It's true. "What? Did the politburo just one day say - ""We give up?""" +"What? Did the politburo just one day say - ""We give up?""" Yes. That's kind of how it was. +Yes. That's kind of how it was. Uh-huh. +"My gosh, those Commies are brilliant! You've got to hand it to 'em! ""No, we didn't drop any bombs! Oh yes, our evil empire has collapsed! Poor, poor us!"" I bet they've even asked the West for aid! Right?!" Uh, I think they have. +Uh, I think they have. Hah!!! Those cagey rascals! Those sly dissemblers! Those, uh... They've finally pulled the wool over everybody's eyes! +You have very nice ceilings. I do? Well, thank you! You like ceilings? +I do? Well, thank you! You like ceilings? Not particularly. +Not particularly. "Well, I hope you like these! Fresh sea urchin wrapped in seaweed. Or ""nori"" if you prefer. I love sushi." +"Well, I hope you like these! Fresh sea urchin wrapped in seaweed. Or ""nori"" if you prefer. I love sushi." I love Lucy! +I love Lucy! You nut! +It's a very small place. People don't even know it's there. And it's called...? +And it's called...? Maybe Eve can guess. She's psychic. +Maybe Eve can guess. She's psychic. Really? Since when? +Right on the button. Well, Dionne Warwick, guess his home town. +That's right? I've never met anyone like you in my life. +I've never met anyone like you in my life. She's right?! +I've got goose-bumps all over me. Why not just go to... Nome for supplies and a wife? Isn't that closer? +Well, we try. Listen, let me just ask you a few questions. When did Alaska become a state? 1959. +1959. Who use to own it? +Who use to own it? Russia. +Russia. When did we get it from them? +When did we get it from them? 1867. Seward's Folly. We paid 7.2 million dollars for it. A tidy sum then, as well as now. I'm quoting my father, of course. +1867. Seward's Folly. We paid 7.2 million dollars for it. A tidy sum then, as well as now. I'm quoting my father, of course. What's the capitol? +What's the capitol? Juneau. +Juneau. Hello! It's Anchorage! Gotcha! +Hello! It's Anchorage! Gotcha! Sorry, that's the largest city. +This must be very new. Yeah. +Yeah. It's so small. +It's so small. What are you talking about? This is the new Mac. You a hacker? +What are you talking about? This is the new Mac. You a hacker? I don't think so. +I don't think so. You don't have a computer in your cabin? +You don't have a computer in your cabin? No. +No. How do you get through those winters? Well, you're right. Juneau. What's the highest peak? +How do you get through those winters? Well, you're right. Juneau. What's the highest peak? Mt. McKinley. It's also the highest point in North America. +Mt. McKinley. It's also the highest point in North America. Okay, maybe she is psychic. Let's go eat! +Okay, maybe she is psychic. Let's go eat! That would knock my father out. +That would knock my father out. Yeah? +Yeah? Oh, yes. It would probably kill him. +Oh, yes. It would probably kill him. He's a Windows guy then, huh? +He's a Windows guy then, huh? Yes. He likes windows. +Yes. He likes windows. Well, I think Windows stink. What do you think of that? +Well, I think Windows stink. What do you think of that? ...I guess it's...just a matter of personal taste. +...I guess it's...just a matter of personal taste. True. +Not on him. I'm not wearing his pants. +I'm not wearing his pants. Why not? He has great pants. +Why not? He has great pants. I just don't want to. +I just don't want to. Okay. +Isn't it a little tiring to sit up straight like that? No. +I guess a lot of those tall buildings we saw this morning are new. Almost all of them. +Almost all of them. The recovery is very impressive. +The recovery is very impressive. The recovery? Oh , yeah! Hey, they rebuilt the freeway in six months. +The recovery? Oh , yeah! Hey, they rebuilt the freeway in six months. Amazing. I'm very impressed. +That's why little things mean so much to him. I LOVE THIS!! +Why did you park way back there? Miss Rustokov refuses to let total strangers drive her car. +Miss Rustokov refuses to let total strangers drive her car. Oh. I see. +What?! Ladies first, Troy! That was close. +Yes! Lying is always a very effective dating tool. Okay. Thank you, my friends. +I'm sorry. I took the Lord's name in vain again, didn't I? I'm so sorry. No! There's an Adult Bookstore back there! I'll be right back! +Okay, Troy! Let's get those all-beef frozen patties! How 'bout we check with Eve first? +How 'bout we check with Eve first? You bet! +You bet! So, did you buy a movie? +So, did you buy a movie? What? +What? A magazine? A toy perhaps? In the bookstore. +A magazine? A toy perhaps? In the bookstore. No, I wouldn't go in one of those places with a gas mask on. +No, I wouldn't go in one of those places with a gas mask on. I know what you mean! I usually wear a big hat and dark glasses. +I know what you mean! I usually wear a big hat and dark glasses. Does that work? +Does that work? Yeah...Seems to. +Good-bye, Adam. Goodbye. +Bye, Troy! Bye, Adam! +Bye, Adam! And thanks for always being happy! +And thanks for always being happy! What? +You dial nine to get out. Of what? +Of what? The hotel. +The hotel. I see. Well, thank you very much. You've been very, very nice. +Thank you. Your father is a smart guy. My father is a genius. +My father is a genius. No kiddin'. Well...good night. +No kiddin'. Well...good night. Good night! Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite! That's what my Mom always says... ...who I'm really beginning to miss. I'm sorry. It's my first night away from home. +Good night! Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite! That's what my Mom always says... ...who I'm really beginning to miss. I'm sorry. It's my first night away from home. How old are you? +How old are you? Thirty-five. +Thirty-five. You don't look thirty-five. +You don't look thirty-five. How old do I look? +How old do I look? Twenty-five? Around there. +Twenty-five? Around there. I guess living up here makes people look older. +I guess living up here makes people look older. Up here on the fifteenth floor? +Up here on the fifteenth floor? Yes. Up here on the fifteenth floor. Goodnight. +Yes. Up here on the fifteenth floor. Goodnight. Goodnight. +What? What is it?! The sky!!! +The sky!!! The sky? Where? +The sky? Where? Up there!! +Up there!! I don't see anything! +I don't see anything! Just look!! +Help you? Yes, please. I'm looking for all beef patties. +Come on. Frozen. How much are they? Frozen, they're six-thirty a dozen in the three pound box. +Frozen, they're six-thirty a dozen in the three pound box. Then I'll need, twelve into nine hundred, seventy-five boxes. And that's almost...five hundred dollars just for the hamburger! And my Mom only gave me three thousand dollars for everything! The yacht batteries! The diesel oil! The birthday candles! +Then I'll need, twelve into nine hundred, seventy-five boxes. And that's almost...five hundred dollars just for the hamburger! And my Mom only gave me three thousand dollars for everything! The yacht batteries! The diesel oil! The birthday candles! You could have a meat order that big delivered to your home. +Sure. Well, that's great then! Terrific...except...it just occurred to me. I don't know where I live! I'm lost! I don't know where home is! Would you excuse me? +Well, that's great then! Terrific...except...it just occurred to me. I don't know where I live! I'm lost! I don't know where home is! Would you excuse me? Gladly. +Whatcha looking at? Oh, my holy stars! A Negro! +Oh, my holy stars! A Negro! Say what?! +Say what?! How do you do, ma'am. +How do you do, ma'am. I do alright. +I do alright. Good! +Hello. Hi. +How--how much do you want for the Mickey Mantle, rookie season? I was thinking of selling all the cards. +I was thinking of selling all the cards. Really? No kidding? +See, my problem is, all I have are hundred dollar bills and I need something smaller. Ones, fives, tens. Like that. I see what ya mean. Tell you what...I'll give you five hundred dollars in small bills for the whole box. +I see what ya mean. Tell you what...I'll give you five hundred dollars in small bills for the whole box. Oh, that would be wonderful! +Oh, that would be wonderful! Well, we're here to help! +Sir? I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't take the Lord's name in vain again. Oh, you got a problem with that? +I didn't want to leave without saying how much I admire your jewelry. Hey, smart ass, how 'bout I kick your butt? +Oh. A nice one, I hope. Yes, ma'am. +Elbows, Son. Sorry, Mom! +Sorry, Mom! You never know. You may someday dine at the White House with the president. +Dad! Oh, no! Oh, my goodness! Let's get him into the bedroom. +He seems to be doing all right now. I don't know if he's had a heart attack or just... a horrifying experience. But we need supplies and I've got to stay with him. I'll go up. +I'm afraid you've got to. I'll be all right. +I'll be all right. You're my brave boy. +I don't know how far you'll have to travel to find supplies, but if you can't get home by nightfall, I want you to look for something called a Holiday Inn. Write that down. It's a hotel. There might still be one standing. Yes, ma'am. +Right. I just hope this is still good up there. +I just hope this is still good up there. Mom? +Yes? I was thinking that, uh...you know, while I was up there and all...that maybe I could, you know...try to meet a girl. I've, been thinking about that a little...just these last...fifteen years or so. +Oh, Adam,that would be wonderful if you could find a girl. One who's not a mutant...and hopefully comes from Pasadena. Nothing against Valley girls, but in my day anyhow, the girls from Pasadena, I don't know...always just seemed a little nicer. Yes, ma'am. +Here's the shopping list and $3,000 which should take care of everything. Yes, ma'am. +Yes, ma'am. Your father has a few final words for you. You know, he'd fight a buzz saw for you - he loves you so much. We both do. +Your father has a few final words for you. You know, he'd fight a buzz saw for you - he loves you so much. We both do. Heck, I know that mom! You're my parents. +...and his church group have volunteered to help us bring the supplies down. But we've got to hurry. Are you in trouble, son?! +Are you in trouble, son?! I think I'm being chased by a psychiatrist. +I think I'm being chased by a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist?! +Mom? Eve and I have to go. What? +What? I can't explain it now. But I want you to set the locks for two months. You have more than enough of everything. Then we'll be back to get you. +We have to go. No, wait! At least stay for dinner! +This is your bedroom? No, Mom, I've turned it into Dad's office. +No, Mom, I've turned it into Dad's office. Well, where are you -- +Well, where are you -- Eve and I...eloped. We're married. +Eve and I...eloped. We're married. No. +No. Yes. +Oh, my God! He'll catch him. Hi. This is Nina Aron. I've got a run away and I'm going to need police assistance. +He'll catch him. Hi. This is Nina Aron. I've got a run away and I'm going to need police assistance. No! Not the police! Don't call them! +No! Not the police! Don't call them! I have to. If a complaint is made and the person resists obser-- +I have to. If a complaint is made and the person resists obser-- No, I can't have that! They'll come with their cars and their guns and their handcuffs-- +No, I can't have that! They'll come with their cars and their guns and their handcuffs-- Calm down, please. This man needs help and you need protection from him. That's obvious. +Calm down, please. This man needs help and you need protection from him. That's obvious. You know, I don't think so. I'm confused but you know, I don't think he'd ever hurt me. I don't think he'd hurt anyone. +You know, I don't think so. I'm confused but you know, I don't think he'd ever hurt me. I don't think he'd hurt anyone. And now you must let me be the judge of that! +And now you must let me be the judge of that! I was frightened and I didn't know what to think! But you know-I believe him. I think he just wants to go home. Wherever the hell that is... +I was frightened and I didn't know what to think! But you know-I believe him. I think he just wants to go home. Wherever the hell that is... Let's all remain calm. That's the key thing. +According to Caltech, this Webber guy was a bonafide genius and a borderline nutcase. Well, he and Mrs. Nutcase must have been out here when the plane hit. +Well, he and Mrs. Nutcase must have been out here when the plane hit. Unless we get a postcard or somethin', that's my guess. +Unless we get a postcard or somethin', that's my guess. What about relatives? +What about relatives? All back East. +All back East. The neighbors over there said the guy spent day and night out here. She'd bring him sandwiches and hot Dr. Pepper. +The neighbors over there said the guy spent day and night out here. She'd bring him sandwiches and hot Dr. Pepper. He drank it hot? +He drank it hot? Yeah. +Yeah. Good god. +Good god. Yeah. +You got a light, honey? What?! A light! Yes, I've got a light! +What?! A light! Yes, I've got a light! Good. +So...you...survived the blast, did you? "The blast? Honey, I have survived a host of things. Like the song says: ""A country boy can survive!""" +"The blast? Honey, I have survived a host of things. Like the song says: ""A country boy can survive!""" Yes, yes, the song. So tell me...has it been...hell up here? +Yes, yes, the song. So tell me...has it been...hell up here? """Hell up here?"" Honey, it's been hell up here, down there and over yonder! Hell everywhere." +"""Hell up here?"" Honey, it's been hell up here, down there and over yonder! Hell everywhere." "Yes, I can tell that just looking around. ""Boy?"" Did you say you were a ""country boy?""" +"Yes, I can tell that just looking around. ""Boy?"" Did you say you were a ""country boy?""" Cute Little Old Man, if you want a boy, I can be a boy. And if you want a girl, I can be a girl. I can be anything you want me to be! +Cute Little Old Man, if you want a boy, I can be a boy. And if you want a girl, I can be a girl. I can be anything you want me to be! Really? +Really? Uh-huh. And it's all yours for the remarkably low price of only $200! And if you act now, I might even throw in some free lawn furniture. +Uh-huh. And it's all yours for the remarkably low price of only $200! And if you act now, I might even throw in some free lawn furniture. No, I can't. I'm sorry! I have to go! I have to... +For Pete's sake, Calvin! We've got guests! Sorry, honey! I just got to fooling with this darn rheostat. +Sorry, honey! I just got to fooling with this darn rheostat. Well, put it down and come in! +Well, put it down and come in! You bet, hon! +I'm sorry everyone, but given this extraordinary turn of events, I think it's prudent that we cut the evening short. I'm sure this Cuban thing will resolve itself, but in the meantime...I'd suggest taking a prayerful watch-and-wait stance! We'll do this again! Maybe next week. Here's your hat. Could I wrap something up for you? Did you have a coat? +It's time. Time? Oh, no Calvin. It's not time yet. I still have-- +It shuts off automatically. Did you rig it to do that? You're so clever. +Did you rig it to do that? You're so clever. No. They all do. +No. They all do. I never know anymore. +You hear that?! Yes. +Calvin, I wish you would have at least let me do the dishes. It's not going to be that easy getting all that dried- on food off my nice plates. I just hope those plates aren't radioactive by tomorrow morning. +I just hope those plates aren't radioactive by tomorrow morning. Cheese is particularly troublesome. +Cheese is particularly troublesome. Worse than your Kraft Holiday dip? +Worse than your Kraft Holiday dip? Oh, much worse. But not as bad as that Mexican Jumping Bean dip. You remember that? +Oh, much worse. But not as bad as that Mexican Jumping Bean dip. You remember that? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Give me the roast and watch your step. I'll come back for the radio. +How long will we have to stay down here? I don't know. For this thing to blow over, it could take days. +I don't know. For this thing to blow over, it could take days. Days?? +Days?? Rather safe than sorry. That's my motto! +Rather safe than sorry. That's my motto! But, what if I go into labor? That could happen any time. +But, what if I go into labor? That could happen any time. I've read up on it. I'll deliver the baby myself if I have to. +I've read up on it. I'll deliver the baby myself if I have to. Now you listen to me Calvin Webber, when this baby comes, you're going to be out in the waiting room smoking yourself to death with all the other fathers. +Now you listen to me Calvin Webber, when this baby comes, you're going to be out in the waiting room smoking yourself to death with all the other fathers. Yes, dear! +Yes, dear! As long as we've got that straight. +Home sweet home! To you maybe. +What's that noise? The locks. +The locks. The locks? +The locks? To keep us from trying to leave. After an atomic blast there's a radiation half-life that lasts thirty five years. +To keep us from trying to leave. After an atomic blast there's a radiation half-life that lasts thirty five years. Thirty -five years! +Thirty -five years! Then after that it's safe. +Then after that it's safe. It's safe. +To go up. To go up. +Hi, honey! Feeling better? No. +No. We have to be strong, sweetheart. If not for ourselves, for the child. +We have to be strong, sweetheart. If not for ourselves, for the child. All our friends... +Burnt to a crisp. I've given you the most well-done cut. I'm not hungry. +I'm not hungry. Hot Dr. Pepper! Your favorite! +Hot Dr. Pepper! Your favorite! No, Calvin, you're favorite. +No, Calvin, you're favorite. Really? +Maybe I've just got the creeps. How could you?! This is just like home! +No. No! Calvin, this is different! Believe me! Would you like a tranquilizer? +Would you like a tranquilizer? You have tranquilizers? +You have tranquilizers? I told you! I've got everything! +Oh, no. What? +What? Uh, oh. Now it's time. +Uh, oh. Now it's time. Honey? +Is there a problem? No, Calvin. Babies cry. +No, Calvin. Babies cry. I've noticed. +I've noticed. What shall we call him? +No. I think it's just right. And I was wondering...if...if I could have a... +And I was wondering...if...if I could have a... Yes! +Yes! If I...you know... +If I...you know... What? Whatever you want, Helen! +Calvin?! Right here! +Right here! We looked all over for you. What are you doing back here? +We looked all over for you. What are you doing back here? Oh, I was just examining this rear hatchway. +Oh, I was just examining this rear hatchway. Why? +Why? No reason. Well, it's pretty clear that the front entrance caved in when the bomb went off. So, you know, when the time is up, we'll have to return to the surface using, you know, this back entrance. Which is very nice because it has the service elevator! +No reason. Well, it's pretty clear that the front entrance caved in when the bomb went off. So, you know, when the time is up, we'll have to return to the surface using, you know, this back entrance. Which is very nice because it has the service elevator! Very nice. Unless it caved in, too. +Very nice. Unless it caved in, too. Yes. Well... yes. +Watch this! What? +Not bad for a three and a half year old! I'd like to see the public school system match that! I don't care how terrific it is! Yes, he's very bright, dear. Much like his father. But you know, Calvin, maybe he's a little...young for school. +Yes, he's very bright, dear. Much like his father. But you know, Calvin, maybe he's a little...young for school. Nonsense. People have no idea what the human mind is capable of. Look at us! +Yes, you certainly will. And you'll find a nice girl and rebuild America. Just the way it used to be. Oh, Calvin, I'm not sure we should be making promises that perhaps can't be kept. +Oh, Calvin, I'm not sure we should be making promises that perhaps can't be kept. I believe there will be other survivors. In fact, I'm guessing there's life on the surface, even now. It's not life worth living perhaps, but believe me, something's moving around up there. And I don't just mean the cockroaches. +Hi, honey! Hi. +Calvin! Coming! +Get the presents and do the lights. You bet. +No kidding. Who else would have done it? And I made these! +What did you wish for, Adam? If he tells, it won't come true! +If he tells, it won't come true! Oh, that's just a bunch of baloney! We never believed that in my family! +Oh, that's just a bunch of baloney! We never believed that in my family! Well, we did in my family! +One who doesn't glow in the dark. Calvin Webber! What a thing to say! +Calvin Webber! What a thing to say! Well, we'll be going up in two years. We'll know then. I'm very hopeful. +Let's eat our cake. Yeah. Let's dig in! +If we still have one. Yes... +Yes... You know, when we do go up...I'm going to miss this old place. How 'bout you, hon? +You know, when we do go up...I'm going to miss this old place. How 'bout you, hon? Would you excuse me? +Would you excuse me? Sure. +In the generator room again? Oh, yes. It just fascinates me how all these things work. +Oh, yes. It just fascinates me how all these things work. I know exactly what you mean! Hey, honey? +Should we say a little prayer first? Just open the door. +Yes, yes it is! "It's an archaic colloquialism, roughly meaning...""good""." +"It's an archaic colloquialism, roughly meaning...""good""." Yes! That's right! +I'm going to give it to you straight. There's no point in beating around the bush. There were survivors. Apparently, the fallout has created....a subspecies of mutants. Mutants?! +Mutants?! It's not a pretty sight. Some eat out of garbage cans. Others are...cover your ears, Son, and hum. I mean that literally and I mean right now! +Others are...multi-sexual. It seems...they can be both masculine and feminine...simultaneously. No. +No. Yes. +Yes. I don't believe it! +They've done a lot of re-building but society, at least as we knew it, has utterly collapsed. People throw up in the streets. Others point guns. There's something terribly wrong with the automobiles and...and I...I can't tell you the rest. I just can't. Oh my. Oh,my, oh my, oh, my. So, what do we do now? +Oh my. Oh,my, oh my, oh, my. So, what do we do now? We stay down here. +We stay down here. We do? +We do? Yes. +Yes. Excuse me. +For how long? We've just about run out of everything! We'll make do. I'm of the opinion that these mutants will eventually kill each other off and then-- +We'll make do. I'm of the opinion that these mutants will eventually kill each other off and then-- No, Calvin. We're not going to make do. Not me! Not Adam. We're going up no matter what! We deserve it. Even if it's terrible! +No, Calvin. We're not going to make do. Not me! Not Adam. We're going up no matter what! We deserve it. Even if it's terrible! Well, I am the head of this household-- +Well, I am the head of this household-- I want him to at least see the sky! +I want him to at least see the sky! --and we will-- +--and we will-- And the ocean! A mountain range! +And the ocean! A mountain range! --do as I say! +He's smart. Yes, dear, I know. +And Lord we ask finally that you send an angel to look after and protect our beloved son, Adam. Amen. Amen. +How long will you set it for this time? I thought ten years. +I thought ten years. Well, that's...considerably shorter than before. I was wondering, Calvin, why set the locks at all. I mean the radiation is gone and... +Well, that's...considerably shorter than before. I was wondering, Calvin, why set the locks at all. I mean the radiation is gone and... To keep what's up there from getting down here! It's not the radiation I'm worried about. +Well, please excuse us! We...we haven't entertained a guest in...um... Some time. +Some time. What can I offer you, Eve? +What are you bitching about now? What are you doing here? +What are you doing here? I forgot some of my stuff. +I forgot some of my stuff. Your stuff? Let me see that. +You came back for these? Hey, they're Ralph Laurens. And who's this interesting looking fellow? +Hey, they're Ralph Laurens. And who's this interesting looking fellow? This is Adam. Adam, meet Cliff. +Go home, Cliff, wherever that might be. Shana Gillroy's apartment. Remember her? The model who went to Harvard? Well, I better get going! Bye, Adam. Nice coat! +So where is your roommate, the model? You know, I don't know. And looking at you, I don't care. It's been too long, Eve. +Go home, Adam. Go to your hotel. Yeah. Before I kick your ass. +Stop it, you two! I guess we shouldn't fight in here. +Eve! This guy is un-be-liev-able! I knew you'd like him. +I knew you'd like him. Darlin', this is X-File stuff! Think about it! The guy's got all this easily negotiable property. He's obviously setting something up very big. Like a self-sustaining island off the coast of South America, for instance. Or perhaps he's the head of a cult that's doing weird things with poultry and pipe tobacco. I've heard worse. +So, Adam...where on earth are you from? Out-of-town. That's all he'll say. +Since that guy rear-ended me in Palm Springs. Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. I even guessed his hotel, didn't I? +Give me your hand. Oh, my God... +But first, you have to start with the clothes! Exactly. You understand that, don't you? You have no chance of meeting a woman dressed like that. +I don't know. Money is no object. He's got cards up the wazoo. +You're serious, aren't you? What's that supposed to mean? +What's that supposed to mean? It means that your taste in men's apparel is as bad as your taste in men. +It means that your taste in men's apparel is as bad as your taste in men. Well, that's blunt! +Well, that's blunt! I'm sorry. But if the shoe fits. +I'm sorry. But if the shoe fits. And I suppose you see him in some sort of strapless thing, don't you? +And I suppose you see him in some sort of strapless thing, don't you? "I see ""elegant.""" +"I see ""elegant.""" Yeah? Like Ralph Lauren? +Yeah? Like Ralph Lauren? That's what I'm sensing. +Alright, I will. I'm busy tomorrow anyway. I have to buy six thousand paper napkins. +I'm busy tomorrow anyway. I have to buy six thousand paper napkins. What do you think, Adam? +Well, what do you think? I think...it...works. +I think...it...works. Let me show you the entire trousseau! +How 'bout it, Eve? Can he skate around your block? No. +That water's freezing! He's from Alaska. +Just be yourself. Always good advice. +Always good advice. For him. It doesn't work for the rest of us. +Are you kidding?! You wouldn't even be a crumb on her table! You don't see that?! Eve?! +Eve?! Well, I'm trying to educate him! It's nothing personal. +Well, I'm trying to educate him! It's nothing personal. "Adam, I think for you, we should go for ""sweet.""" +Um... Eve? It's not so much what you say but how you say it. Women like men who are unpredictable. +Go to the bathroom. Right here? Well, you're being so bossy I wasn't sure! +He go back to the hotel? Uh..he might of. +What's that mean? We did not leave together. +We did not leave together. Who did he leave with? +What's it to you?! I'm his pimp. He left with the dancers, didn't he? +I'm his pimp. He left with the dancers, didn't he? Hey, you're the psychic. Eve, the psychic pimp. You tell me. +Hey, you're the psychic. Eve, the psychic pimp. You tell me. Those sluts! +Those sluts! Yeah. But who's not a slut these days? +Where are you going? To bed. +To bed. To bed? +To bed? Yeah. I'm not the one who's in love with the guy. +Yeah. I'm not the one who's in love with the guy. What?! Now hold on! Wait one damn minute! +In the first place, I don't fall in love with weirdos I've only known for four or five days. Yes, you do. +Yes, you do. And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!! +And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!! Uh, yes, you do. +Uh, yes, you do. Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean! +Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean! Yes, you do! +Yes, you do! Or have perfect table manners. +Or have perfect table manners. You know, I asked him about that. And he said that good manners are a way we have of showing other people that we respect them. See, you'd eat like a slob if you were alone, but since another human being is present, you show that person respect by going to the trouble of having proper manners. I didn't know that. I thought it was a way of appearing superior. Know what else he told me? +You know, I asked him about that. And he said that good manners are a way we have of showing other people that we respect them. See, you'd eat like a slob if you were alone, but since another human being is present, you show that person respect by going to the trouble of having proper manners. I didn't know that. I thought it was a way of appearing superior. Know what else he told me? What? +What? He thinks that I am a gentleman and that you are a lady! +He thinks that I am a gentleman and that you are a lady! Well, consider the source. I don't even know what a lady is. +Well, consider the source. I don't even know what a lady is. Exactly! I thought a gentleman was somebody who owned horses. Turns out, the short and very simple definition of a gentleman or a lady is: someone who always attempts to make the people around him or her feel as comfortable as possible. That's it! If you don't do that, nothing else matters. The cars, the clothes, the houses... +Exactly! I thought a gentleman was somebody who owned horses. Turns out, the short and very simple definition of a gentleman or a lady is: someone who always attempts to make the people around him or her feel as comfortable as possible. That's it! If you don't do that, nothing else matters. The cars, the clothes, the houses... Where did he get all that information? +Where did he get all that information? From the oddest place. His parent's told him. I don't think I got that memo. +From the oddest place. His parent's told him. I don't think I got that memo. So now I suppose he's trying to make those two dancers feel as comfortable as possible. +So now I suppose he's trying to make those two dancers feel as comfortable as possible. He didn't leave with them. +He didn't leave with them. Well...I admit it. I'm glad to hear that. +Well...I admit it. I'm glad to hear that. He left with Sophie. +He left with Sophie. What?!! +What?!! It's true. She swept him out the door whispering little French things into his ear. +It's true. She swept him out the door whispering little French things into his ear. Oh, no! Not Sophie! No way! Please don't tell me that!! +What are you going to do? Go over to her place and kick in the door? You're goddamn right I am! +I don't think so. Coward! +Well what was I supposed to do?! He wants me to live underground with him! That's like Silence of the Lambs, don't you think?! I know...I know. You did the right thing. +Oh, no! What?! +Gay. Oh. Well, you're...certainly welcome! +Good God...you don't think there really is a bomb shelter, do you? Fallout shelter. +What do you want to do with it? Give it back to him. +Give it back to him. And if we can't find him? +And if we can't find him? We'll find him. +What's wrong? I don't know. Everything's so neat. It's all just so...goddamn dear. Damn! +I don't know. Everything's so neat. It's all just so...goddamn dear. Damn! See these? Found them in the box with the cards. These are stock certificates. IBM. AT&T. Polaroid. +Millions upon millions upon millions! The cards. The stock! The clothes! The toothpaste! The guy was on the level! And you blew it! A man walks into your life who is the kindest, most polite, honest, trustworthy, incredibly rich guy you have ever met in your life!! And what do you do?! Have him committed. +Have him committed. Yeah! That's thinking. +Yeah! That's thinking. "He was always so ""nice""! How was I supposed to know that's a good thing?! ""Nice"" is weird! Nice is...what is ""nice""? It's not cool! I'll tell you that. Was it ever?" +"He was always so ""nice""! How was I supposed to know that's a good thing?! ""Nice"" is weird! Nice is...what is ""nice""? It's not cool! I'll tell you that. Was it ever?" I don't know. I like to think so. +I don't know. I like to think so. Well, at least I fell for him before I found out he was rich! That's new. Wait a minute! He said today he knew where home was. What happened this morning?! Where did you go?! +Well, at least I fell for him before I found out he was rich! That's new. Wait a minute! He said today he knew where home was. What happened this morning?! Where did you go?! To get some frozen poultry. +To get some frozen poultry. Then what? +Then what? We came back to the house! +We came back to the house! You didn't stop anywhere else?! +You didn't stop anywhere else?! No. No, wait a minute. We stopped at a porno store. +No. No, wait a minute. We stopped at a porno store. What?! +What?! An adult bookstore. He was very excited about seeing it. You think home is under a dirty bookstore in the Valley? +An adult bookstore. He was very excited about seeing it. You think home is under a dirty bookstore in the Valley? Come on. +Why would you put a fallout shelter under a porno shop? None of this stuff was here in 1962. The Valley was mostly small homes and fruit orchards. +None of this stuff was here in 1962. The Valley was mostly small homes and fruit orchards. Well, we've come a long way, haven't we? I want to go home. +Well, we've come a long way, haven't we? I want to go home. Yeah. Maybe he'll call. +Adam!! Where?! +Where?! Stop! +I'm going to need two more banana- splits and a cherry coke! You bet, Mom! Coming up! +I can't tell the boys from the girls anymore! Uh...yeah. It's like hard. +I miss those nice flower-power kids. How 'bout you? Um...uh... +I'm selling this place. I want out of this hell hole! Could I, like...oh, wow...like,uh... +Could I, like...oh, wow...like,uh... Buy it from me? +Buy it from me? Yeah! Yeah, that's it! +Yeah! Yeah, that's it! I'll give it to ya, no money down. The neighborhood has gone to hell anyway. +Tower. Wolf One. I've got a problem here. Say your problem, Wolf One. Are you declaring an emergency? +Say your problem, Wolf One. Are you declaring an emergency? Stand by. One. +Wolf One -- say intentions. I've got secondaries of an engine fire and I'll need to find a clear area to eject. +I've got secondaries of an engine fire and I'll need to find a clear area to eject. Roger, Wolf One. Can you make it to the ocean? +Tower, say again!! The SAR HELO is airborne with you in sight. +The SAR HELO is airborne with you in sight. I'm marking the 180 radial for five and ejecting. +I'm marking the 180 radial for five and ejecting. Roger, Wolf One. +I sent a trunk home yesterday. This is all I have. You look good, Jeffrey. Did you have a nice flight? +You look good, Jeffrey. Did you have a nice flight? Yeah. How's Dad? +I think it's important not to get depressed. Depression is a terrible thing. They say it can bring on illness. Aunt Barbara. I'll try not to get depressed. +Jeffrey, you're not going down by Lincoln, are you? No, I'm just going to walk around the neighborhood. Don't worry. +Doctor Gynde, my whole family's sick. What's going on? I'm not sick. +Will you tell Mom when she gets home from the hospital that I've gone to dinner at Sandy Williams' house? Okay honey. That sounds nice. Jeffrey. I think you've got termites in the house. +Okay honey. That sounds nice. Jeffrey. I think you've got termites in the house. Oh yeah? Have you seen any? +Oh yeah? Have you seen any? I've seen a few. +I've seen a few. Well, I haven't seen any. I wouldn't worry about it. Look, I better go. +Well, I haven't seen any. I wouldn't worry about it. Look, I better go. Okay honey. +I don't want to talk about it. Everything's okay now. I don't want to talk about it. Sometimes it helps to talk things over. For instance, many marriages are saved by. +Sometimes it helps to talk things over. For instance, many marriages are saved by. Aunt Barbara. I love you, but you're not gonna get it. +Frank. Come in. Hey, I brought some friends. And some beer. +Hey, I brought some friends. And some beer. Fine. Welcome. Come sit down. +Suave. Goddam are you suave, you fucker. You want some beer? Certainly Frank. Darling, get some glasses. We'll have some beer with Frank. Won't you sit down? +Shit Ben! How the shit are ya? Fine Frank. Fine. How are you? +Fine Frank. Fine. How are you? Fuckin' good, real fuckin' good. You know this little tid bit, Dorothy, and this thing, here, is a neighbor. What the shit we're doin' with a neighbor, I don't know. Goddam!!! This is the suavest guy I know. Look at you. You're one beautiful fucker, Ben. I love this jacket and that cigarette holder of yours. Shit, that is too fuckin' much. Where's those glasses. This beer's gonna get too warm. I can't stand fuckin' warm beer. It makes me puke. +Fuckin' good, real fuckin' good. You know this little tid bit, Dorothy, and this thing, here, is a neighbor. What the shit we're doin' with a neighbor, I don't know. Goddam!!! This is the suavest guy I know. Look at you. You're one beautiful fucker, Ben. I love this jacket and that cigarette holder of yours. Shit, that is too fuckin' much. Where's those glasses. This beer's gonna get too warm. I can't stand fuckin' warm beer. It makes me puke. Darling, where are the glasses? Oh, here they are. +To your health, Frank. Shit. Let's drink to something else. Let's drink to fuckin'. Say here's to your fuck Frank. +Shit. Let's drink to something else. Let's drink to fuckin'. Say here's to your fuck Frank. If you like Frank. Here's to your fuck. Cheers. +Frank, I have something for you. Excuse us everyone. EXCUSE US por favor! Hey. Let Tits see her kid. +See you Tuesday, Frank. Right Ben. LET'S GO FUCK. I'll fuck anything that moves. +Are you Detective Williams? Yes. +Yes. My name is Jeffrey Beaumont - I live near you. I believe you know my father, Tom Beaumont - Beaumont's Hardware Store? +My name is Jeffrey Beaumont - I live near you. I believe you know my father, Tom Beaumont - Beaumont's Hardware Store? Sure I do. I understand he's in the hospital. How is he? +Sure I do. I understand he's in the hospital. How is he? He's alright, I guess. I hope. They're doing tests, that's why I'm home from school. I was over at the hospital this morning and I was going home and in the field behind our neighborhood. There behind Vista, I found an ear. +He's alright, I guess. I hope. They're doing tests, that's why I'm home from school. I was over at the hospital this morning and I was going home and in the field behind our neighborhood. There behind Vista, I found an ear. You did? A human ear? +You did? A human ear? Yeah. I've got it here in this bag. I thought I should bring it to you. +Yeah. I've got it here in this bag. I thought I should bring it to you. Yep, that's right. Let's take a look at it. +By the way, Jeffrey, this story isn't going to the press and I'm going to ask you to consider all you've heard strictly confidential. Do not discuss this business with anyone, but me, or other police personnel. Got it? Got it. Thanks for letting me in on as much as you did. +Got it. Thanks for letting me in on as much as you did. Come on. I'll drive you home. It's on my way. +Come into the study a minute. Excuse me, Mrs. Williams. +Detective Williams here. Yeah. Tell him to go to Sergeant Milton. Yeah, copy. Well, Jeffrey, you found something which is very interesting to us. Very interesting. I know you must be curious to know more. But. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you not only not to tell anyone about your find, but also not to ask more about the case. One day, when it's all sewed up, I'll let you know all the details. Right now, though, I can't. I understand. I'm just real curious like you said. +I understand. I'm just real curious like you said. I was the same way when I was your age. I guess that's what got me into this business. +I was the same way when I was your age. I guess that's what got me into this business. It must be great. +It must be great. And it's horrible too. I'm sorry Jeffrey. That's the way it has to be. Anyway. I'm sure you do understand. +Jeffrey? Yes? +Yes? If you want to come up a minute, I'll show you some pictures. +These are beautiful. How's the case coming? Okay. +Okay. Anything you can tell me? +Anything you can tell me? The criminals are winning. +The criminals are winning. Is that why you say it's horrible? +Is that why you say it's horrible? Yes. +Yes. I guess you've seen some bad things. +I guess you've seen some bad things. Yes I have - so bad I wouldn't poison your mind by telling you. +Yes I have - so bad I wouldn't poison your mind by telling you. Why do you do it? +Why do you do it? I won't let the bastards get me up against the wall. It's an act of defiance. +I won't let the bastards get me up against the wall. It's an act of defiance. Yeah. I get it. +What is this? What color is it? Blue. It's Blue Velvet. +What color is it? It's blue. Blue velvet. +Jeffrey! Come on in. Hi. Hi Sandy. I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got to talk to you. +Hi. Hi Sandy. I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got to talk to you. Okay, come on in. Looks like you had a bad face lift. +Okay, come on in. Looks like you had a bad face lift. Yeah. +Okay? Okay, I gotta tell you. I've discovered some things. Anyway I have to show you some pictures and tell you some things about them. The first picture is this. +And that man came out with a third man - this well-dressed guy. Here's the photo. I think a girl named Dorothy Vallens is in trouble with these people. I think Frank has taken her husband and her son. I have no hard proof of any of this. Her address is also on the photos. I think these people are involved with drugs, and murder. I think Frank is killing drug dealers and... ...and somehow Frank is getting all their drugs. I had to tell you I got slightly more involved in this than you wanted me to, but it's over now for sure. I had to tell you about these things in case it could help. +I have no hard proof of any of this. Her address is also on the photos. I think these people are involved with drugs, and murder. I think Frank is killing drug dealers and... ...and somehow Frank is getting all their drugs. I had to tell you I got slightly more involved in this than you wanted me to, but it's over now for sure. I had to tell you about these things in case it could help. Well now Jeffrey, how did you come to get so involved? +Well now Jeffrey, how did you come to get so involved? I can't tell you the whole story. I. I took it upon myself. I can't say more. +I can't tell you the whole story. I. I took it upon myself. I can't say more. Is Sandy part of this? +Is Sandy part of this? No, not at all. +No, not at all. Who knows you have these? +Who knows you have these? Only you and the photo lab. +Only you and the photo lab. You're all through with this now? +You're all through with this now? Yes sir. I sure am. +For now. Alright, you better be. And Sandy better not be involved with this, I can tell you. Be prepared to come in for further interrogation on this later. Yes sir. +Detective Williams!! Detective Williams!! Detective Williams here. Is that you, Jeffrey? +Detective Williams here. Is that you, Jeffrey? Yes it's me!!! Frank is on his way up to Dorothy's apartment. Oh no. Frank has a radio and is hearing everything we say!! Detective Williams. Hurry. I'm in the apartment. Hurry. I'm hiding in the back bedroom. +Yes it's me!!! Frank is on his way up to Dorothy's apartment. Oh no. Frank has a radio and is hearing everything we say!! Detective Williams. Hurry. I'm in the apartment. Hurry. I'm hiding in the back bedroom. We're ten minutes away and moving as fast as we can. +Because of your information I alerted internal affairs to check out Detective Gordon. I had to keep on with him as if nothing was different. He slipped off on his own when he found out we were going to raid Frank's place. Does Dorothy know her husband is dead? +Does Dorothy know her husband is dead? Not yet. +Not yet. Oh my God. Is her son OK? +Yes? What is it? Pest control, gotta do your apartment. +Pest control, gotta do your apartment. Oh God, that stuff stinks. +Oh God, that stuff stinks. Nope, it's new stuff. No smell. +Nope, it's new stuff. No smell. Oh yeah, that's good. +That oughta do it. Yeah. +GET OUT OF THERE!!! GET OUT!!! Put your hands up, on your head. GO ON!!! Get down on your knees - DO IT!! What are you doing? Who are you? What's your name? WHAT'S YOUR NAME? Jeffrey. +Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Jeffrey what? +Jeffrey. Jeffrey what? Jeffrey nothing. +Jeffrey nothing. You tell me!! Let me see that wallet. Jeffrey Beaumont. What're you doing in my apartment, Jeffrey Beaumont? +You tell me!! Let me see that wallet. Jeffrey Beaumont. What're you doing in my apartment, Jeffrey Beaumont? I wanted to see you. +I wanted to see you. What? Are you kidding me? Who sent you here? +What? Are you kidding me? Who sent you here? Nobody. +Nobody. Shit. You better tell me something. +Shit. You better tell me something. I was an experiment. Just to see if I could do it. +I was an experiment. Just to see if I could do it. An experiment? Hey, I've seen you before. +An experiment? Hey, I've seen you before. I sprayed your apartment. I took your key. I really didn't mean to do anything but see you. +I sprayed your apartment. I took your key. I really didn't mean to do anything but see you. Tell me what you saw tonight. TELL ME. +Tell me what you saw tonight. TELL ME. I saw you come in, talk on the phone. Get undressed. +I saw you come in, talk on the phone. Get undressed. The phone. What did you hear on the phone. Tell me. Word for word. +The phone. What did you hear on the phone. Tell me. Word for word. You said hello, to Frank. You wanted to talk to someone? Don? And little Donny. You said something about Momma loves you. And something about a Meadow Lane. Something in an hour. I don't remember any more. +That's right. That's what I said. You have a good memory. Then what? Well. +Well. THEN WHAT? +THEN WHAT? Then you got undressed. +Then you got undressed. How many times have you sneaked into girls' apartments and watched them undress? +How many times have you sneaked into girls' apartments and watched them undress? Never before this. +Never before this. How'd you like it if someone sneaked into your house and watched you. Get undressed. I want to see you. +How'd you like it if someone sneaked into your house and watched you. Get undressed. I want to see you. No. Come on. +No. Come on. NO, you come on. Take off your pants. I want to see you. +NO, you come on. Take off your pants. I want to see you. Look. I'm sorry. Just let me leave. +Look. I'm sorry. Just let me leave. No way. +What do you want from me? I, I don't know. +I, I don't know. What do you want? +Do you like that? Yes. +Do you like talk like that? No. +No. Lie down on the bed. +Don't. I don't like that. What do you want? Nothing. Are you alright? +Nothing. Are you alright? Sure I'm alright. +Sure I'm alright. I'll go then. +Don? No. +No. Don. Hold me. I'm scared. Hold me. Please. +Thank you. honey. It's okay. It's okay. +Do you like the way I feel? Yes. +Yes. See my breasts? See? +Yes. See my nipples? +See my nipples? Yes. +Yes. You can kiss them if you want. Feel them. They're getting hard. +You can hit me, if you want to. No, please. I won't. +Do you like me? Yes, I like you. +Yes, I like you. You can be my special friend and come and put that in me. +I made it go down the toilet. What? +Next Christmas. Is he Santa Claus who has left a present for Dorothy? What was it? An ear? Another ear?!! What was it? Do you know? +Do you know? No. +No. You don't? +You don't? No. What is happening? +No. What is happening? Maybe you don't know. I know you though. You're Jeffrey Beaumont and I know where you live and I know ways to get you and I know ways to kill you. +Maybe you don't know. I know you though. You're Jeffrey Beaumont and I know where you live and I know ways to get you and I know ways to kill you. Please don't talk like that. You're upset. I'm not helping you. I'm sorry for what I did. I better go. +Please don't talk like that. You're upset. I'm not helping you. I'm sorry for what I did. I better go. Go then. I can't let you put it in me now but I want you. I like you. +Go then. I can't let you put it in me now but I want you. I like you. Then don't talk about killing. +Then don't talk about killing. Did I say that? I didn't mean it, or did I? Sometimes I think it would be fun. Go ahead, you better leave now. I can't open myself to you now. I'll tell you a little secret. I want to die. +Did I say that? I didn't mean it, or did I? Sometimes I think it would be fun. Go ahead, you better leave now. I can't open myself to you now. I'll tell you a little secret. I want to die. Don't say that. +Don't say that. It's a secret so don't tell anyone. Some day I'll show you where. I've gotta go to sleep now. +It's a secret so don't tell anyone. Some day I'll show you where. I've gotta go to sleep now. OK. +Hi, can I come in? Yeah, hurry up though. +Why are you here. Whatiya want? I, uh. +I, uh. I looked for you in my closet tonight. It's crazy, I don't know where you came from, but I like you. +I looked for you in my closet tonight. It's crazy, I don't know where you came from, but I like you. That's not crazy. I like you too. +I liked being with you last night. Same here. +Oh shit. Frank? Can you stand up? +Frank? Can you stand up? I'm alright. Go hide. This won't take long. Be quiet. +Nice guy. Who's he? Who's it, you mean. +Oh God. Don!!! Why can't I just die. There you go again. Stop saying that. You can make it. +There you go again. Stop saying that. You can make it. I can't. I can't. You think you know so much. +I can't. I can't. You think you know so much. Take it easy. What's goin' on anyway? Why are you in so much trouble? +Look. No. +No. Falling. +Falling. No. Please, Dorothy. Why are you in so much trouble? +Who is Don? Don? Are you in with them? +Don? Are you in with them? No. But you're in very big trouble. +No. But you're in very big trouble. Why are you so interested? Why do you keep asking me? +Why are you so interested? Why do you keep asking me? I came back to help you. You said do I let girls sneak into my house. You know where I live. If you need to, come to where I live, OK? +I came back to help you. You said do I let girls sneak into my house. You know where I live. If you need to, come to where I live, OK? Who are you? Maybe I'll need to. You like me, huh? +Who are you? Maybe I'll need to. You like me, huh? Yes. +Yes. Or do you just want me? I'm going to let you enter me now. +Or do you just want me? I'm going to let you enter me now. No. I should go. +No. I should go. Please, please stay. +Come in. Hello. +It used to make me laugh, but. I'm sorry, maybe I better go Dorothy. +I'm sorry, maybe I better go Dorothy. Yes. Frank-- +Yes. Frank-- Frank is coming? +Frank is coming? No. How could he? Don't go. You think I'm crazy, don't you? I want you to stay. Don't hate me. +No. How could he? Don't go. You think I'm crazy, don't you? I want you to stay. Don't hate me. I sure don't hate you. +I sure don't hate you. I'm not crazy. I know the difference between right and wrong. +I'm not crazy. I know the difference between right and wrong. That's good. +Do you like my body? Sure I do. +What do you want to do? I'm doing it. +I'm doing it. Are you a bad boy? +Are you a bad boy? Whatiya mean? +Whatiya mean? Do you want to do bad things? Anything, anything. +Do you want to do bad things? Anything, anything. What do you want? +What do you want? I want you to hurt me. +I want you to hurt me. No. I told you. I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you. I think I know some of what is happening to you. Dorothy? Frank has your husband and son. Dorothy? Doesn't he? You have to do something Dorothy. Go to the police. +No. I told you. I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you. I think I know some of what is happening to you. Dorothy? Frank has your husband and son. Dorothy? Doesn't he? You have to do something Dorothy. Go to the police. No police!!! No police!! +You like to open me, don't you? Yes. +Yes. What if I told Frank that you opened me? +That wouldn't be too good, would it? Frank would open you. +Frank would open you. Okay. I know you've been scared. Now you want to scare someone. +Okay. I know you've been scared. Now you want to scare someone. Does that scare you? +Does that scare you? Shut up. +Shut up. Beeeee careful. +Beeeee careful. Come on Dorothy. +Come on Dorothy. What if Frank came over here and found us? +Look, snap out of it, will ya? Kiss me. +Do you love me? Do you love me? +Do you love me? I asked first. +I asked first. Sometimes I think I do. +Sometimes I think I do. And sometimes you think you don't?! Well, get away then! +Wait a minute. Wait. Whatiya want? For cryin' out loud! Just get outta my bed. +I love you Don with all my heart. No, it's not Don. +I didn't mean to hurt you. Shhhhhh. Now I have your disease. +Shhhhhh. Now I have your disease. You what? +You what? You put your disease in me. Your semen. It's hot and full of disease. +You put your disease in me. Your semen. It's hot and full of disease. There's no disease, I can tell you. +There's no disease, I can tell you. Men are crazy. Then they put their craziness into me. Then it makes me crazy. Then they aren't so crazy for awhile. Then they put their craziness in me again. It's burning me, but I love you. I do, I do. Did you know that? Did you know that I love you? +Men are crazy. Then they put their craziness into me. Then it makes me crazy. Then they aren't so crazy for awhile. Then they put their craziness in me again. It's burning me, but I love you. I do, I do. Did you know that? Did you know that I love you? I'm glad you do. +I'm glad you do. There's so much I want to tell you. I'm in so much darkness though with things moving. There is darkness sucking me. It's kissing me and darkness is entering me. In every hole. It's opening me to a death. +There's so much I want to tell you. I'm in so much darkness though with things moving. There is darkness sucking me. It's kissing me and darkness is entering me. In every hole. It's opening me to a death. Dorothy. No! +Dorothy. No! If I die, then they'll be free. It's getting late, isn't it? I can tell, it's a cold feeling when it's late. It's warm then it gets cold. Jeffrey. I feel it getting cold. +If I die, then they'll be free. It's getting late, isn't it? I can tell, it's a cold feeling when it's late. It's warm then it gets cold. Jeffrey. I feel it getting cold. You called me Jeffrey. +You called me Jeffrey. I did. Are you? +I did. Are you? Yes. +Yes. Why are you here? HMMMMMMMM!!!! OK. +Why are you here? HMMMMMMMM!!!! OK. No. Not really. But also because I really want you to be alright. +I guess I should go. I want you to stay with me. +I want you to stay with me. I think I better go. +I'll call you. Okay. Soon? Do you think I'm too fat? +Okay. Soon? Do you think I'm too fat? What? +What? I'm getting a little bit fat. I hate that. +I'm getting a little bit fat. I hate that. You look beautiful to me. +Oh no. No. Hi baby. +Yeah, it's me. Oh God, Jeffrey, is that you? Oh God. +Where have you been? Oh God, they hurt him, Jeffrey. Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, hold me. HOLD ME. Oh God. It's okay. It's okay. +It's okay. It's okay. My secret lover. +They hurt his head. Who, Dorothy? +Who, Dorothy? Don. Help him. HELP HIM!! DONNY!!!! +Hold me, Don. Don? Where is he? +Don? Where is he? HELP HIM!! Promise me you'll help him! +HELP HIM!! Promise me you'll help him! I promise, Dorothy. I promise. +I promise, Dorothy. I promise. Hold me. I'M FALLING! +Frank gone? Yeah, but get outta here. He's comin' back. +Yeah, but get outta here. He's comin' back. Bull. +Bull. Alright, suit yourself. +Alright, suit yourself. He's comin' back? What for? +He's comin' back? What for? 'Cause he's comin' back, that's what for. Frank's got you really loaded tonight. +'Cause he's comin' back, that's what for. Frank's got you really loaded tonight. Yeah, maybe so. Frank's got me, and you and really it's all thanks to Don, isn't it. Remember that. Your husband was the one who started fucking my mind with drugs. +Yeah, maybe so. Frank's got me, and you and really it's all thanks to Don, isn't it. Remember that. Your husband was the one who started fucking my mind with drugs. Oh he forced you, huh? +Oh he forced you, huh? He's the reformed dealer though who wanted to turn himself in. He's the one that caused Frank to come and Frank's fucking us real good. I just feel so horny. I'm supposed to be here watching you why can't I be here fucking you. Listen. I know his cock's the size of a pin - let me give you the real thing. Let me wet my whistle, baby. +He's the reformed dealer though who wanted to turn himself in. He's the one that caused Frank to come and Frank's fucking us real good. I just feel so horny. I'm supposed to be here watching you why can't I be here fucking you. Listen. I know his cock's the size of a pin - let me give you the real thing. Let me wet my whistle, baby. No way, get out. I'm gonna tell Frank. I'm gonna tell him what you said. +No way, get out. I'm gonna tell Frank. I'm gonna tell him what you said. Okay, I'm goin'. You'll see, I'll get you. +Hello, baby. Shut up. It's daddy, shit-head. +Shut up. It's daddy, shit-head. Hello, daddy. +Hello, daddy. My bourbon. +MOMMY! Mommy's here. +Mommy's here. Baby wants to fuck. +Who's this fuck? He's a friend. From the neighborhood. We were just talking. +He's a friend. From the neighborhood. We were just talking. From the neighborhood? Shut the fuck up. You like telephones? Huh? You wanta go for a ride? +Where are we going, Frank? Hey Tits, I'm taking your neighbor to the country. Maybe something for you too. +Hey Tits, I'm taking your neighbor to the country. Maybe something for you too. Frank? +Frank? You want to see him too, right? +You want to see him too, right? Yes, but. +Yes, but. Then, shut up! +Look at these. What are these? Come on, Frank. Let's go. Please. +Don't say PLEASE, Fuckhead. WHAT ARE THESE? Those are my breasts. +Those are my breasts. Can I feel 'em? +Can I feel 'em? If you want to. +Frank, he didn't mean it. Leave him alone. Come on. He didn't mean it. Shut up. Gimme your lipstick. Hey, pretty, pretty. +We're looking for him. In your opinion, why did Frank kidnap Dorothy's son and husband? He became obsessed with her. She hated him. He had to have her. He kidnapped them to control her. To make her do things. Then she wanted to commit suicide so he started cutting off ears as a warning to her to stay alive. I'm not kidding. Frank loved blue, blue velvet. He had to have Dorothy cause her whole life was blue. +He became obsessed with her. She hated him. He had to have her. He kidnapped them to control her. To make her do things. Then she wanted to commit suicide so he started cutting off ears as a warning to her to stay alive. I'm not kidding. Frank loved blue, blue velvet. He had to have Dorothy cause her whole life was blue. You seemed to see some very interesting things on your little escapade with Dorothy Vallens. +You seemed to see some very interesting things on your little escapade with Dorothy Vallens. Yeah. I guess I did. What's going to happen to me? +Yeah. I guess I did. What's going to happen to me? We're going to leave that up to Detective Williams. I'll tell you though, you're okay. You shot a real son of a bitch. +We're going to leave that up to Detective Williams. I'll tell you though, you're okay. You shot a real son of a bitch. Yeah. I sure know that. Yeah, but how many more are out there? +Hello? Speak to me Fucker. +No thanks. No thanks. What does that mean? +No thanks. What does that mean? I don't want to go. +I don't want to go. Go where? +Go where? On a ride. +On a ride. A ride? Hell, that's a good idea. Okay, let's go. Hey, let's go. +Heineken. FUCK THAT SHIT. PABST BLUE RIBBON!!! +Hey neighbor. Here's to Ben. Here's to Ben. +Here's to Ben. Do you see, Ben? I can make him do anything I fuckin' please. +Hey? You like to walk. What? +What? Let's take our neighbor out. Let him fuckin' walk back. +What are you lookin' at? Nothing. +Nothing. Don't look at me, Fuck. I shoot when I see the whites of the eyes. You like me? +Don't be a good neighbor to her or I'm gonna send you a love letter. Straight from my heart, fucker. You know what a love letter is? It's a bullet, straight from my gun, fucker. Once you get a love letter from me, you're fucked forever. Understand, Fuck? Yes. +Yes. I'll send you straight to hell, Fuck! +Come on. I wancha to meet a frienda mine. Raymond, get enough beer for Ben too. Okay Frank. +Okay Frank. What kinda beer do you like? +Raymond! Where's the fuckin' beer? Right here Frank. You want me to pour it? +Right here Frank. You want me to pour it? No, I want ya to fuck it. Shit, yes, pour the fuckin' beer. +No, I want ya to fuck it. Shit, yes, pour the fuckin' beer. There ya go. +There ya go. Good, let's drink up. +I mean, for good, Jeffrey. For good? I can't Mom. Not right in the middle of the term. +For good? I can't Mom. Not right in the middle of the term. Jeffrey, honey. Your father's condition is serious. It's going to cost so much. We just won't have the money to keep you in school. I'm telling you this now, so that you can get your things together and check out of school, honey, or whatever you have to do, it'll save you another trip back. You're going to have to work at the store. +Jeffrey, honey. Your father's condition is serious. It's going to cost so much. We just won't have the money to keep you in school. I'm telling you this now, so that you can get your things together and check out of school, honey, or whatever you have to do, it'll save you another trip back. You're going to have to work at the store. Mom. +Where's all your things, Jeffrey? This is it. +Jeffrey, breakfast is ready. Be right down. +What time are visiting hours? I've made arrangements with Dr. Gynde for 10:30. But Jeffrey, you'll have to walk over; I need the car this morning. +I've made arrangements with Dr. Gynde for 10:30. But Jeffrey, you'll have to walk over; I need the car this morning. Well. Okay. +Well. Okay. Jeffrey, when you see your father. +Jeffrey, when you see your father. Yeah? +Yeah? He doesn't know you're out of school. He thinks it's a vacation for you. +He doesn't know you're out of school. He thinks it's a vacation for you. What? +What? It would be too much for him. So please let him think as he does, that you're home just to see him. +It would be too much for him. So please let him think as he does, that you're home just to see him. Thanks a lot, Mom. +Thanks a lot, Mom. Jeffrey! Nobody wanted you to leave school and go to work in the store, maybe going back to school will be an option one day. I hope so. +I'm going out for awhile. Do you want the car? +Do you want the car? No, I'm just gonna walk around. +No, I'm just gonna walk around. Alright. +Can I use the car tonight? Of course, Jeffrey. +God, you scared me. Is something wrong? What's happened to your face? +Is something wrong? What's happened to your face? Nothing. I'm fine. +Nothing. I'm fine. You can't just stay out half the night and carry on, Jeffrey. There's got to be some order, Jeffrey. I thought it would have been nice to call your father when you got home but now it is much too late. +Hello, uh, my name is Jeffrey Beaumont. Is Detective Williams in? Oh, yes, Jeffrey. Come in. He'll be back any minute now. You're welcome to wait. Is it urgent? +Oh, yes, Jeffrey. Come in. He'll be back any minute now. You're welcome to wait. Is it urgent? I just wanted to ask him a few questions, that's all. Maybe I better go. +I just wanted to ask him a few questions, that's all. Maybe I better go. Really, he'll be home soon, would you like a cup of coffee? +Really, he'll be home soon, would you like a cup of coffee? Alright. +I was sorry to hear about your father. I know your mother from church. It's such a shame. Yeah, I know. +Yeah, I know. Would you like a piece of cake? +Would you like a piece of cake? No. No thank you. +No. No thank you. It's a real good chocolate cake. Duncan Hines' devil's food. Real good. +It's a real good chocolate cake. Duncan Hines' devil's food. Real good. Yeah. okay. +He comes over to study. Yeah. +Mrs. Williams? Thanks for the cake. Oh, you're welcome. Nice to finally meet you, Jeffrey. +Oh, you're welcome. Nice to finally meet you, Jeffrey. "Say ""goodnight"" to Sandy." +Here you are. Would anyone like coffee? That sounds great! +That sounds great! Anyone else? Alright Jeffrey, just a minute. +Please excuse me a moment, Jeffrey, and I'll get to the dishes. Sure thing, please don't worry about me. Can I help you with the dishes? +Sure thing, please don't worry about me. Can I help you with the dishes? Nice of you to offer, Jeffrey, but certainly not. Just relax and enjoy your coffee. I'm sure Sandy will be back soon. +Sandy?... Sandy, please. I'll get a coat for her. +No. Looks like you'd make a good runner. +Looks like you'd make a good runner. Well. +Well. I mean, you don't exactly have the build for a football. I mean, no offense. +No, you're right. I mean, some guys play anyway but they usually get slaughtered. +I mean, some guys play anyway but they usually get slaughtered. Yeah, well I never wanted to get slaughtered much. +Yeah, well I never wanted to get slaughtered much. Well, most guys don't. I mean that's the point. You all mind if I take my vitamins? +Hey, you ivy league shit. COME HERE! Later Mike. I gotta take care of someone who's hurt here, in case you haven't noticed. +Hi Dad. Hey Jeff. +Looks like they've got you strapped in pretty good. Uh-uh. +Uh-uh. Are you feeling okay? +Are you feeling okay? Uh-uh. +Good to see you, son. It's good to see you, Dad. +How ya doin' Dad? Hey Jeff. I'm feelin' so much better. +Hey Jeff. I'm feelin' so much better. Good deal Dad. +Yeah, how did you know? I just know, that's all. I remember you from Central. +Oh yeah? You were pretty popular. Didn't you run for some office? +You were pretty popular. Didn't you run for some office? Yeah I did, treasurer. Shouldn't you be studying or something. +Yeah I did, treasurer. Shouldn't you be studying or something. Am I bothering you? +Am I bothering you? No. You're not bothering me. You a senior? +No. You're not bothering me. You a senior? Yes. +Yes. How is Central these days? +How is Central these days? Terrible boring. +Terrible boring. What else is new? Right? +What else is new? Right? Yeah. What are you doing now? +Yeah. What are you doing now? I'm home from school. My father's in the hospital. +I'm home from school. My father's in the hospital. That's too bad. +That's too bad. What do you know about the ear? Anything? +What do you know about the ear? Anything? Didn't my father tell you not to talk about it? +Didn't my father tell you not to talk about it? Come on, you brought it up. Do you know anything? +Come on, you brought it up. Do you know anything? I don't really know much but bits and pieces. I hear things. My room is right above my father's office. The ear, there's no corpse in the morgue missing an ear, and it did come off a living person. That's direct from the Coroner's Office. The person is unknown. There are a couple of cases I get mixed up on, but I think there are some people who were brought in for questioning on a murder case that could have something to do with the ear. I heard some of the same names. +I don't really know much but bits and pieces. I hear things. My room is right above my father's office. The ear, there's no corpse in the morgue missing an ear, and it did come off a living person. That's direct from the Coroner's Office. The person is unknown. There are a couple of cases I get mixed up on, but I think there are some people who were brought in for questioning on a murder case that could have something to do with the ear. I heard some of the same names. Do you know who was brought in for questioning? +Do you know who was brought in for questioning? There were at least three, maybe four. But a name that keeps coming up is this woman who lives in an apartment building very close to your house and also close to the field where you found the ear. There's also a business man over by the Franklin factory district that was questioned. And a musician. And some others. +There were at least three, maybe four. But a name that keeps coming up is this woman who lives in an apartment building very close to your house and also close to the field where you found the ear. There's also a business man over by the Franklin factory district that was questioned. And a musician. And some others. Were all these people questioned this afternoon? +Were all these people questioned this afternoon? No, this has been going on for some time. Several months. About six months ago some parts of bodies were found down by the river. They were from people who were reported missing. They never found one complete body, only parts. +No, this has been going on for some time. Several months. About six months ago some parts of bodies were found down by the river. They were from people who were reported missing. They never found one complete body, only parts. The ear is from a missing person maybe? +The ear is from a missing person maybe? Maybe so. +Maybe so. It's a strange world isn't it? Do you know what building the woman lives in? +It's a strange world isn't it? Do you know what building the woman lives in? Yeah. It's close by, that's what's creepy. They've had her under surveillance for a couple of months, except I don't know what they've found out because my father isn't in charge of her. +Yeah. It's close by, that's what's creepy. They've had her under surveillance for a couple of months, except I don't know what they've found out because my father isn't in charge of her. I guess you have to get back home soon? +I guess you have to get back home soon? Not really, why? You want to see the building? Come on, I'll show you. +That's the building. She lives on the Seventh Floor. Don't stop to look long, the police are watching. Where are they? +Where are they? I don't know, you're not supposed to see them. They're supposed to see you. +Did they find out anything when they questioned her? I don't know, like I said, she's not my father's case. +I don't know, like I said, she's not my father's case. Oh yeah. What about those other people? Anything? +Oh yeah. What about those other people? Anything? My father is watching the businessman. The businessman had a partner who disappeared. Left his whole business and family, his wife and two kids. They think he's been murdered. +My father is watching the businessman. The businessman had a partner who disappeared. Left his whole business and family, his wife and two kids. They think he's been murdered. You really do hear a lot, don't you? +You really do hear a lot, don't you? Yeah, I guess so. What are you going to do now that you're home? +Yeah, I guess so. What are you going to do now that you're home? I have to help out in my father's hardware store. They're giving me sort of my own hours for a while, which is nice. +I have to help out in my father's hardware store. They're giving me sort of my own hours for a while, which is nice. Still, it must be kinda rough. +Still, it must be kinda rough. It's not bad, but it's bad enough. It's a lot worse for my father. I used to know a kid who lived there and who had the biggest tongue in the world. +What happened to him? I don't know. He moved away. +I've gotta go in. Thanks for the tour. It was nice talking to you. +I guess I'll see you sometime. I guess so. Like you said. It's a strange world. +I guess so. Like you said. It's a strange world. Yeah. Good bye. +You hungry or thirsty, or both? I don't know. +I don't know. I'd like to talk to you about something. +I'd like to talk to you about something. Just a minute, pull over and wait a minute. +I don't want to cause any trouble. I'm here, aren't I? +I'm here, aren't I? I guess Mike's got some sort of sports practice in the afternoon. +I guess Mike's got some sort of sports practice in the afternoon. Ooooo, you are smart. Just don't get too smart. +Alright, now tell me. What is it? There are opportunities in life for gaining knowledge and experience. Sometimes, in some cases, it's necessary to take a risk. I got to thinking. I'll bet a person could learn a lot by getting into that woman's apartment, you know, sneak in and hide and observe. +There are opportunities in life for gaining knowledge and experience. Sometimes, in some cases, it's necessary to take a risk. I got to thinking. I'll bet a person could learn a lot by getting into that woman's apartment, you know, sneak in and hide and observe. You said it was a strange world. And you're the strangest part of it. Are you crazy? She is possibly involved in murder. This gives me the creeps. +You said it was a strange world. And you're the strangest part of it. Are you crazy? She is possibly involved in murder. This gives me the creeps. Settle down. I have a plan which I think will work. There is very little for you to do, but I do need your help. Aren't you curious about my plan? +Settle down. I have a plan which I think will work. There is very little for you to do, but I do need your help. Aren't you curious about my plan? It wouldn't hurt to hear the plan, I guess. +It wouldn't hurt to hear the plan, I guess. Alright. the first thing is to get into her apartment and open a window that I could crawl into later. +Alright. the first thing is to get into her apartment and open a window that I could crawl into later. Now, how are you going to do that? +Now, how are you going to do that? Right out in the car I happen to have some old overalls and a bug spraying rig. I will go to her apartment and be the pest control man. I will spray her apartment. After a few minutes you will knock on her door, drawing her attention away from me and I will then jimmy a window. +Right out in the car I happen to have some old overalls and a bug spraying rig. I will go to her apartment and be the pest control man. I will spray her apartment. After a few minutes you will knock on her door, drawing her attention away from me and I will then jimmy a window. What will I say when she comes to the door? +What will I say when she comes to the door? "You will be a Jehovah's Witness. I have a few ""Awake"" magazines for you. You don't have to keep her very long. A few seconds is all I'll need. Whatiya think?" +"You will be a Jehovah's Witness. I have a few ""Awake"" magazines for you. You don't have to keep her very long. A few seconds is all I'll need. Whatiya think?" I don't know, it sounds like a good daydream, but actually doing it is too weird. Too dangerous. +I don't know, it sounds like a good daydream, but actually doing it is too weird. Too dangerous. Let's just try the first part. If that goes well, we'll see about the rest. No one will suspect us, because no one would believe two people like us would be crazy enough to do something like this. +Let's just try the first part. If that goes well, we'll see about the rest. No one will suspect us, because no one would believe two people like us would be crazy enough to do something like this. You've got a point there. +Now, we'll walk over so there's no license plates and you give me at least three minutes. I can stall if it's more, but I need time to find a good window, alright? Alright. +Alright. Let's go. +Okay, I'm going ahead. Wait a minute, what's her name? Oh brother. Dorothy Vallens, Seventh Floor. Look on the mailbox for her number, bright boy. +Oh brother. Dorothy Vallens, Seventh Floor. Look on the mailbox for her number, bright boy. Thanks. Dorothy Vallens. Okay, goodluck. Three minutes, no sooner. +Thanks. Dorothy Vallens. Okay, goodluck. Three minutes, no sooner. Alright. Good luck, yourself. +Are you alright? Yeah, let's get outta here. What happened? +I was just about to go to the door, when that man did my job for me. Was it alright? Yes and no. Did you recognize him? +Yes and no. Did you recognize him? No. I only saw his back. He went down another stairwell at the end of the hall. +No. I only saw his back. He went down another stairwell at the end of the hall. I didn't get a good look at him either, but he sure looked at me. I didn't have time to get a window, but I found this key. Pretty nifty, huh? +I didn't get a good look at him either, but he sure looked at me. I didn't have time to get a window, but I found this key. Pretty nifty, huh? Yeah, if it opens the door. +Yeah, if it opens the door. Yeah. +So, what's next? Pretty clever. Are you game for more? +Pretty clever. Are you game for more? I owe you, since I goofed up this one. +I owe you, since I goofed up this one. You didn't goof it up, but you still owe me one. I want to sneak in tonight. It's Friday, do you have a date tonight? +You didn't goof it up, but you still owe me one. I want to sneak in tonight. It's Friday, do you have a date tonight? Yes. I do. +Yes. I do. Well, it's Friday night and you're a beautiful girl. I guess you would have a date, that does that. +You really want to do this, don't you? I don't want you to get involved, really, I mean, I do, but if something went wrong I mean, like you said, they may be involved in murder. +I'll tell Mike I'm sick. There's a game tonight anyway and he'll never miss me. Afterwards he can go out with the guys. Just so the record is kept straight though, I love Mike. What do want me to do? First of all, we'll have a nice dinner. Try to find out where Dorothy sings. +First of all, we'll have a nice dinner. Try to find out where Dorothy sings. "I already know. The ""Slow Club"". It's on Route 7." +"I already know. The ""Slow Club"". It's on Route 7." Great. I'll pick you up around eight o'clock. Is that good? +Great. I'll pick you up around eight o'clock. Is that good? Yeah, but don't pick me up. My father may think it's strange. I'll walk over to your house. I'll be there at eight o'clock. +Yeah, but don't pick me up. My father may think it's strange. I'll walk over to your house. I'll be there at eight o'clock. Okay. You better get out before someone sees us. +What's the plan. First of all, we're going to the Slow Club to see Dorothy Vallens. We'll watch her for awhile. I'd like to hear her sing anyway, and then also we'll know she is there and not in her apartment. +First of all, we're going to the Slow Club to see Dorothy Vallens. We'll watch her for awhile. I'd like to hear her sing anyway, and then also we'll know she is there and not in her apartment. Brilliant. +Brilliant. Then we'll drive back to her apartment and I will plant myself there. +Then we'll drive back to her apartment and I will plant myself there. This is not my usual Friday night! +That sounds good. Two. +Here's to. An interesting experience. I'll drink to that. +Jeffrey, I don't think you ought to do it. Why not? +Why not? It's crazy and dangerous. My God, I shouldn't have told you. +It's crazy and dangerous. My God, I shouldn't have told you. It'll be okay. I don't think you should wait out here though. I think you should go home. Can you drive this car? +It'll be okay. I don't think you should wait out here though. I think you should go home. Can you drive this car? Yeah, but. +Yeah, but. Leave it in the front of your house for me, okay? +Leave it in the front of your house for me, okay? OK. +OK. Could you wait a little while, this key may not fit. +Could you wait a little while, this key may not fit. I wish you wouldn't do this. It doesn't make any sense. Let's go somewhere and have some coffee. +I wish you wouldn't do this. It doesn't make any sense. Let's go somewhere and have some coffee. I'm going in, Sandy. I'll see you tomorrow and tell you how it went. +I'm going in, Sandy. I'll see you tomorrow and tell you how it went. I, I don't want to see you tomorrow. Mike's coming over. +I, I don't want to see you tomorrow. Mike's coming over. Oh, okay, can I call? +Oh, okay, can I call? Okay, yeah, call. +Okay, yeah, call. Look, it can wait till Sunday. +Look, it can wait till Sunday. Call tomorrow. It's okay. Good luck. I hope you can sneak out okay. You're going to wait until she's asleep? +Call tomorrow. It's okay. Good luck. I hope you can sneak out okay. You're going to wait until she's asleep? Yeah. +Yeah. I'm going to wait here until she comes. +I'm going to wait here until she comes. Are you sure? +Are you sure? I'll honk four times so you'll hear it and know she's on her way up. Okay? +Okay, thanks. I don't know if you're a detective or a pervert. +I don't know if you're a detective or a pervert. That's for me to know and for you to find out. I'll see you. I mean call you, okay? +That's for me to know and for you to find out. I'll see you. I mean call you, okay? Okay, okay. Bye. +Well, how did it go? What happened? Well, I've found out some things, nothing really for certain. There are some strange people involved. +Well, I've found out some things, nothing really for certain. There are some strange people involved. What did you see? +What did you see? Well. Maybe we should discuss this somewhere else, you know what I mean? +What's with Mike? He got a little jealous. +He got a little jealous. I'm sorry, I didn't... +I'm sorry, I didn't... It's okay. Don't worry about it. +You want a Dairy Queen? No way. I'm about to blow up. +You want to tell me about it? "OK. It's a strange world, Sandy. This is what I have found out. What I think I have found out. Dorothy Vallens is married to a man named Don. They have a son. I think the son and the husband have been kidnapped by a man named Frank who has now cut off both of Don's ears. I think he is holding them to make her do things for him. I think she wants to die. The ears were for her a warning to stay alive. There is another man involved. I call him the ""yellow man"". You saw his back the other day in the hall at her door. I don't know what he does but I think he's on drugs supplied by Frank. Frank is a very dangerous man." +"OK. It's a strange world, Sandy. This is what I have found out. What I think I have found out. Dorothy Vallens is married to a man named Don. They have a son. I think the son and the husband have been kidnapped by a man named Frank who has now cut off both of Don's ears. I think he is holding them to make her do things for him. I think she wants to die. The ears were for her a warning to stay alive. There is another man involved. I call him the ""yellow man"". You saw his back the other day in the hall at her door. I don't know what he does but I think he's on drugs supplied by Frank. Frank is a very dangerous man." Wow. Should you tell my father? +Wow. Should you tell my father? I don't see how I can, and I can't prove any of this. I got all this information illegally. Also it could get you in trouble. +I don't see how I can, and I can't prove any of this. I got all this information illegally. Also it could get you in trouble. You saw a lot in one night. +You saw a lot in one night. Actually. I've been in twice. +Actually. I've been in twice. Twice. Without her sensing anything? +Twice. Without her sensing anything? Yes. +Yes. Did you see her undressed? +Did you see her undressed? Yeah. I mean a little, you know. +Yeah. I mean a little, you know. Yeah? +Yeah? That doesn't bother you, does it? +That doesn't bother you, does it? Who, me? Why should it? +Who, me? Why should it? That's what I thought. +That's what I thought. You're sure right. It is a strange world. +You're sure right. It is a strange world. Why are there people like Frank. Why is there so much trouble in this world? +Why are there people like Frank. Why is there so much trouble in this world? I don't know. I had a dream. In fact, the night I met you. In the dream the world was dark because there weren't any robins. You know, birds. Robins stood for love, and all of a sudden thousands of robins flew down and brought this blinding light of love. And it felt like that love would be the only thing that would make any difference. I guess, until the robins come there is trouble. +I don't know. I had a dream. In fact, the night I met you. In the dream the world was dark because there weren't any robins. You know, birds. Robins stood for love, and all of a sudden thousands of robins flew down and brought this blinding light of love. And it felt like that love would be the only thing that would make any difference. I guess, until the robins come there is trouble. Yeah I guess so. You're a neat girl. +Yeah I guess so. You're a neat girl. So are you. I mean you're a neat guy. We better get back. +So are you. I mean you're a neat guy. We better get back. I guess so. You want to help me watch Frank? I'm going to stake out Frank's place tomorrow with a camera. +No, silly - I'm still in school you know. But I'll meet you after school and you can tell me what you've learned. You better be careful, Jeffrey. I will. I'll pick you up on the same corner at three thirty-five, okay? +Okay, be careful. Okay, Sandy. +Can I give you a kiss good night? You better not, Jeffrey. +You better not, Jeffrey. Okay, okay. +Okay, okay. Goodnight. +Goodnight. See ya tomorrow. +You were late. I'm really sorry. +I'm really sorry. What am I going to do? +What am I going to do? You want to go talk to him? +You want to go talk to him? Yeah, but I don't think it's going to do much good. Let's go. I'll try to talk to him later. +You know, that cheese is practically all chemicals. That's what makes it so good. You wanta hear what I saw today? +That's what makes it so good. You wanta hear what I saw today? Shoot. +Shoot. Number one. I saw the Yellow Man go into Frank's building, laughing with Frank. Now, the only trouble is, what does this prove? +Number one. I saw the Yellow Man go into Frank's building, laughing with Frank. Now, the only trouble is, what does this prove? Nothing really, but it's interesting. They know each other. They seem to like each other. +Nothing really, but it's interesting. They know each other. They seem to like each other. Maybe. But I think the Yellow Man is on drugs. I think Frank supplies him. +Maybe. But I think the Yellow Man is on drugs. I think Frank supplies him. Oh yeah? +Oh yeah? Number two. I saw the Yellow Man come out. This time with a well- dressed man with an alligator briefcase. They drove down this factory building and stood on a staircase looking at something in the distance. Number three. Now get this. In the distance was a murder. A drug dealer shot to death and a woman with her legs broken. +Number two. I saw the Yellow Man come out. This time with a well- dressed man with an alligator briefcase. They drove down this factory building and stood on a staircase looking at something in the distance. Number three. Now get this. In the distance was a murder. A drug dealer shot to death and a woman with her legs broken. Jeffrey!! +Jeffrey!! Then these guys told me the police will find a huge amount of drugs inside the dead man's place. +Then these guys told me the police will find a huge amount of drugs inside the dead man's place. I can't believe what you are finding out. Are you going to continue with this. Are you going back to her apartment? +I can't believe what you are finding out. Are you going to continue with this. Are you going back to her apartment? Yeah. +Yeah. Jeffrey? Why? +Jeffrey? Why? I'm seeing something that was always hidden. I'm involved in a mystery. I'm learning. And it's all secret. +I'm seeing something that was always hidden. I'm involved in a mystery. I'm learning. And it's all secret. You like mysteries that much? +You like mysteries that much? Yeah, you're a mystery. I like you. Very much. +You worry about me really? Yes. Is that so surprising? Yeah I worry, a lot. I got you into this. +Great. Hey, I've got a bit of a problem. I know some things that could help your father but you might get into trouble. Jeffrey, are they important things? Well forget me - you have to tell him. Jeffrey, I mean it. +Jeffrey, are they important things? Well forget me - you have to tell him. Jeffrey, I mean it. Okay, but I promise I won't mention you. Okay? I'll see him at the police station, okay? See you Friday night, if not before. +Everything okay? Yeah. I think so. I just had to tell him some of what I knew. Is Friday still on? +Yeah. I think so. I just had to tell him some of what I knew. Is Friday still on? You didn't tell him about me? +You didn't tell him about me? No. +I should never had gotten you going on this. Yes Jeffrey. Friday's on! Okay. Great! +Okay. What is it? +What is it? Just some fatherly advice. +What was that all about? Nothing, really! It's good to see you. +Nothing, really! It's good to see you. It's good to see you. +It's good to see you. Where to? +Where to? Just go over to Gelford and up to Vista. It's not far. Can you tell me any more about what you learned? +Just go over to Gelford and up to Vista. It's not far. Can you tell me any more about what you learned? I'd rather not talk about it. I'll tell you about it sometime. +I'd rather not talk about it. I'll tell you about it sometime. It's okay. +It's okay. You look beautiful. +You look beautiful. Thank you. Whatiya say we just enjoy the evening? +Thank you. Whatiya say we just enjoy the evening? I like that idea, that's a real good idea. +You want to dance? I can't dance fast. +I can't dance fast. Really? +Really? Really. You want to dance with someone else? +Really. You want to dance with someone else? NO. +NO. Let's wait for some slow one. +Let's wait for some slow one. Just a minute. +You want to dance? Okay. +Oh my God. What's wrong? Frank!!! +My father has a gun at home. No. +No. Sandy, this guy is a killer!! I promise you. +Dorothy!... Dorothy! Dorothy Vallens? +Dorothy Vallens? Yes. +Take her to my house. My dad can get an ambulance faster than anyone. Do you have anything to put around her? No. Is Detective Gordon going to be at your house? +No. Is Detective Gordon going to be at your house? Probably not. No. Why? +Probably not. No. Why? Okay. Let's get her over to your father's. +Okay. Let's get her over to your father's. Right. Watch out for Mike, there. +Jeffrey? What's going on? Shhh. I'll tell you. +I should go with her, Sandy. Go ahead. +Go ahead. Sandy? +Sandy? Go ahead! +Please get to your father and send him and the police to Dorothy's apartment right away. Be sure your father comes. Something is happening over there. They're hurting someone, the guy she loves. Tell them to hurry. I'm going over right now. No Jeffrey!! +No Jeffrey!! Yes I'm going. I have to. I love you. I will, believe me. +Look Jeffrey. Yeah. I just saw him outside. Maybe the robins are here. +Mike's gotta go. Nice to meet you. Yeah, nice meetin' you. +What are watchin' this junk for? You can change it if you want to. +You can change it if you want to. I don't know why we have to watch TV. +I don't know why we have to watch TV. Mike. We don't have to watch it. Come on. +Sandy? Could I talk to you a minute? Sure, just a sec. Excuse me. +Come on out a minute, okay? Okay. +Hey come here, you stole my girl, you bastard. I'm gonna kick your ass, right in front of your stupid house. Stop it Mike. +Stop it Mike. You shut up. Nobody's talkin' to you. Hey who's that Jeffrey? Your mother? +What did he bring him in for? Needed an outsider. The package boy knows everyone. He'd spot our hitters a mile away. +Needed an outsider. The package boy knows everyone. He'd spot our hitters a mile away. Just for him? +Just for him? Well he's the one shooting up all his guys, right? He's scared of the kid. Says he's real good, got every available gun in the city up there. +Well he's the one shooting up all his guys, right? He's scared of the kid. Says he's real good, got every available gun in the city up there. Up where? +Up where? Up his house. I don't know what's going on but I know it's gotta have something to do with this kid. +Up his house. I don't know what's going on but I know it's gotta have something to do with this kid. Oh fuck! +Fuck you. Hey, Augustus, I need your help, I got a serious problem here. I'm not screwing around. +Hey, Augustus, I need your help, I got a serious problem here. I'm not screwing around. I bounced you on my knee at family reunions, for Christ sakes. Your dad and me ran the whole east coast syndicate you snot-nosed little prick. And when you took the wheel, who was beside you? +Hey, I just... Don't start with your shit. Don't you talk to me. Oh, hey Uncle Gussy, thanks for years of service. Here's a gold watch and a job sniffing other guys' shit eight hours a day. What am I, a retired bus driver? +Don't start with your shit. Don't you talk to me. Oh, hey Uncle Gussy, thanks for years of service. Here's a gold watch and a job sniffing other guys' shit eight hours a day. What am I, a retired bus driver? I need Il Duce. +I need Il Duce. The Duke? What did you do? +The Duke? What did you do? This kid, this package boy could bring down the whole east coast. If he decides to turn states he could dismantle us... totally. But it looks like for now, he's content with just killing us one by one. And even worse the kid is good at it. I mean I had a prodigy on my hands the whole time and didn't even know it. +Listen kid, I think you better understand who you're dealing with here. Yeah. I was only twelve or thirteen when you guys used to talk about him, like he was a ghost or something. +Yeah. I was only twelve or thirteen when you guys used to talk about him, like he was a ghost or something. Your dad and I used him three times over twenty years, only when everything went totally fucked. Believe me kid, you don't want this guy unless you are 100% sure you need him. He is... a fuckin' monster. +There's ways around that. Go find one. +Lord's name. Mother Mary, full of grace. +Mother Mary, full of grace. What did you do, Connor? +Well listen, I know how my boys take ta scrappin' when they take ta drinkin'. Yes mother. +Yes mother. I mean it now. I carried the two of you little bastards around in my belly at the same time you ungrateful pissants. Ya ruined my girlish figure in one fell swoop, and then ya sucked me dry. My tits are saggin' down ta my ankles. I trip over em for Christ sakes, now ya listen ta me, NO FIGHTEN! +Are ya ready? Aye. +Yes sir. Look in the trash around their hands. See if you can find me two bullet casings. 45's, if my eye serves me right. Don't disturb them. Mark them as they lay. Newman, root through this shit. If this was a sink find me some metal parts. Gimme a faucet or a drain cover or something. +Paraffin came up positive. And bullet holes are usually a big clue. I can't find the second one, sir. +I can't find the second one, sir. Look under the body. +Look under the body. Got it. +Are these me considered armed and dangerous? Well, not armed. If they had guns, they'd have used them. But dangerous? Oh yeah. +Look, look! I'm not saying one way or the other. Just be careful and go by the protocol on this one. Any tips on where these guys may be? +Any tips on where these guys may be? Any word back from the E.R.s? +Ah, Agent Smecker, we have a problem. What? +What? The press is everywhere outside. They're going nuts for these guys. What do you want to do? +The press is everywhere outside. They're going nuts for these guys. What do you want to do? You're not being charged. It's up to you. Do you want to talk to them? +Oh, God! Don't kill me! We're on the same side! The boss musta sent you in as back up, huh? Oh, shit, please! I'm Rocco. I'm the funny man. They call me the funny fuckin' man! Where's your gun? +Where's your gun? Chest pocket. Shit! +Chest pocket. Shit! This is a six-shooter. +Poppa Joe said there was only two. In and out. Boy, you guys sure did a good job. You're good, huh? Cool masks. Where'd you get them? Let's do him right here. +What did you do?! Fuckin'... what the fuckin' fuck! Who the fuck, fucked this fuckin'? fuck. How did you two fuckin', fucks?......... FUCK!!! Certainly illustrates the diversity of the word. +What the fuck are you doing here? What, huh!? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? ANSWERS! I WANT FUCKIN' ANSWERS! Get a hold of yourself, man. +Anybody you think is evil? Yes. +Yes. Don't you think that's a little psycho? A little weird? +Don't you think that's a little psycho? A little weird? Weird, huh?... Know what I think is weird? Decent men with loving families go home every day after work. They turn on the news and see rapists, murderers, and child molesters all getting out of prison. +Climb the corporate ladder, boy. Don Rocco. Fuck it! I'm doing it. I deserve it. I've been working for those fat bastards since I was in high school and look at this place. +Donna's gonna be angry about her cat. Shit. She's on every drug know to man. She'd have sold that thing for a dime bag. Screw her. But I do kinda feel like an ass-hole. +Shit. She's on every drug know to man. She'd have sold that thing for a dime bag. Screw her. But I do kinda feel like an ass-hole. You sound real remorseful. +She ain't been around in weeks anyhow. Listen. Something's been bothering me about last night. +Listen. Something's been bothering me about last night. What? +What? Well... what if your boss knew how many guys were supposed to be there... in that room? +Well... what if your boss knew how many guys were supposed to be there... in that room? What are you saying? +What are you saying? Think about it man. Nine men, six bullets. +Think about it man. Nine men, six bullets. You think they sold me out? No way. +You think they sold me out? No way. He probably knew you'd end up nailing the fat guy, maybe one or two more, but he had to know you weren't walking out of there. Figure it out. Shooter's dead on the scene. No in-depth investigation. It'd slide right off his back. 'Cause as much as I love ya, you're not exactly Don Corleone. What would he be losing? A thirty- five year old delivery boy? +He probably knew you'd end up nailing the fat guy, maybe one or two more, but he had to know you weren't walking out of there. Figure it out. Shooter's dead on the scene. No in-depth investigation. It'd slide right off his back. 'Cause as much as I love ya, you're not exactly Don Corleone. What would he be losing? A thirty- five year old delivery boy? No, no. That's just not the way things are done. Besides, how's he know I don't just get in there see there's too many and just serve em their fuckin' food and beat it? +No, no. That's just not the way things are done. Besides, how's he know I don't just get in there see there's too many and just serve em their fuckin' food and beat it? He knows you, man. He knows all you want is to move up. That's all. A smooth hitter woulda gone in there, seen it was a wash and slipped out. But a guy like you? Knowin' this is your only chance? Waitin' eighteen years? +He knows you, man. He knows all you want is to move up. That's all. A smooth hitter woulda gone in there, seen it was a wash and slipped out. But a guy like you? Knowin' this is your only chance? Waitin' eighteen years? No. No man. That's... that's... you don't know what you're talking about. That's bullshit. I know these guys. I mean, thanks for your concern, but that just ain't the thing of it. +No. No man. That's... that's... you don't know what you're talking about. That's bullshit. I know these guys. I mean, thanks for your concern, but that just ain't the thing of it. Do me a favor and roll it around for a bit on your way in. +Do me a favor and roll it around for a bit on your way in. No, look. No rolling. Nothing needs to be rolled. +Pack your shit! We gotta get outta here! We gotta get out! What happened? +What happened? I killed em! Oh, Jesus! I killed em all!! +What did I fuckin' do?... in the middle of the Lakeview. Lakeview the deli? Oh, shit! +Anybody see ya? Fuck, man! I may as well have posted flyers. Right out in public, man. +Yeah, well... Oh, what the fuck? How do you guys decide who you're... I mean, who makes the cut? Is there a raffle or something? +I guess we really don't have a system of deciding who. MEEE! ME! I'm the guy! I know everyone, their habits, where they hang out, who they talk to. I know where they fuckin' live. We could kill everyone! +What the fuck are you doing? I-I'll tip her. +What? What is it? This place is like a scumbag yard sale. +Oh man. You gotta let me do these guys. I'm such a moron. I gotta make up for the tit thing. No way. I've been waitin' for this asshole. +No way. I've been waitin' for this asshole. Aw, c'mon. I gotta clear my family name here. I've brought shame to the house of Della Rocco. +You guys gotta teach me that prayer, man. That's some good shit. Forget it. It's a family prayer. My father, his father before him that sort of shit. +Forget it. It's a family prayer. My father, his father before him that sort of shit. C'mon! +Who the fuck was he, Rocco? I know you fuckin' know! Fuck you! I told you I never saw him before! +Look again for fuck sake! I know what the fuck he looks like! +Shit. What? What, that guy? +They got nothing. This guy is very sharp. If he hasn't figured us out yet, he will. +You little fuck. Let him go. I'll drop you right here. Okay, just calm down. He could hurt us, brother. He could ruin the whole thing. +Okay, just calm down. He could hurt us, brother. He could ruin the whole thing. Let him go or I will deliver you, right now. +Let him go or I will deliver you, right now. You won't do it Connor, you won't. You love me man. +You guys? We're here brother. +We're here brother. You gotta keep going. +Hello. Connor, is that you? +Mother, is that you? Is that worthless brother of your there? I want you both ta hear this. +Is that worthless brother of your there? I want you both ta hear this. Ma, what's wrong? +It's all your fault. Both you little bastards. I was a fool to believe you would bring me any peace. The day your Da left us when you were almost too young to remember, he said the two of you would do me right and make me proud, but he was wrong and I got nothin' ta live for. Mother, what are you sayin'? You're talkin' crazy here. +I finally found your Da's army revolver, Connor. What the hell are you doin' with Da's gun!? +What?! What are you doin'? I want ta tell ya one last thing before I pull the trigger. +I want ta tell ya one last thing before I pull the trigger. Pull the trigger?! Have ya lost it woman?! Now just calm down here. +No ma! No! BLAME... +How's Uncle Sibeal? Well, you know how it is with him. Always complainin' he's never turnin' a profit on St. Patty's. Whole damn family goes down there with no money, cause we know he can't bear ta charge us. +Well, we tried ta make friends and she gave me a shot ta the nuts. What... the dirty bitch! I hope ya trounced her a good one! +What... the dirty bitch! I hope ya trounced her a good one! Well, I didn't but... +Yeah, we promise. Well, there's my boys. Shit. I gotta go. Looks like I caused a ruckus with that shot. Half the damn neighborhood is comin'. +Still bickerin' over that, huh? Come on, ma. Out with it. Who came out first? +Come on, ma. Out with it. Who came out first? All right, I suppose you have the right ta know. +You guys are not under oath, here. I am assuming you knew these two guys from before, huh? We... met them last night. +We... met them last night. They had some pretty interesting bandages. Know anything about that? +So, how is it that you guys are fluent in Russian? We paid attention in school. +We paid attention in school. Know any other languages? +Well, we could try the bag over the head thing. Walk you right out the front. Our mother can see through bags. +Well, the light caught the side of his face for a second. And it looked like he had a gray beard, maybe... late fifties, early sixties. So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns? A-and he was a senior fucking citizen? +So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns? A-and he was a senior fucking citizen? I think it's better if we find this man before he finds us again. +I think it's better if we find this man before he finds us again. I'll see what I can do. How do I get in touch with you? +I'll see what I can do. How do I get in touch with you? We're going to hit Poppa Joe tonight, right in the comfort of his own home. Then we move on to New York. It's getting a bit hot for us here. +We're going to hit Poppa Joe tonight, right in the comfort of his own home. Then we move on to New York. It's getting a bit hot for us here. Be careful. +Be careful. I'll call you tonight, afterwards. +We're alive. An F.B.I. agent came by the bar. He left me his c-c, he left me his c-c, he left me this. +What are you going to do? We're going to turn ourselves in. It was self defense. +We're going to turn ourselves in. It was self defense. y-y-yeah that's what he said. +Hold this shit for us, Doc. We'll be comin back for it when we get out. Right. +Would someone please come over here and... Fuck! +Fuck! me up the... +me up the... Ass! +I do believe the Monsignor finally got a point. Aye. +Hey Murphy? Aye. +Aye. How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? +How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many? +How many? Two. One ta screw it in and one ta suck my cock. +No fuckin' hot water man. That... Shut it. It's Ma. +Aaaww, shit!... evil woman! Lord have mercy. That was a good one ma. +Oh, Jesus. I gave him his first lesson in sensitivity toward the fairer sex just today. +I gave him his first lesson in sensitivity toward the fairer sex just today. Don't even do it, ya bastard. +Don't even do it, ya bastard. He got beat up by a girl. +He got beat up by a girl. If that was a girl I want ta see some papers. She had ta be just preoperative for Christ sakes. +All right, love ya ma. Listen, before ya go just give us the goods, eh? Yeah. It's been twenty-seven years. +"""What do we tell him about the guns and money?""" """We just got up and left. Bum musta rolled them before the police got there.""" +"""We just got up and left. Bum musta rolled them before the police got there.""" Okay. We're ready. +A p-penny saved is worth two in the bush. Don't c-cross the road if ya can't get out of the kitchen. +Listen fellas, Y'know he's got 'til this week's end. Ya don't have ta be hard asses, do ya? Yeah, it's St. Patty's day. Everyone's Irish tonight. Now, why don't ya pull up a stool and have a drink with us? +"""Now, that wasn't too polite, was it?""" """I'm afraid we can't let that one go, Ivan.""" +How do you think he figured all this out without talking to us? Italian. +I have no idea. Maybe someone saw and talked. German. Not in our neighborhood, man. A hundred percent Irish. No one talks to cops. Period. +German. Not in our neighborhood, man. A hundred percent Irish. No one talks to cops. Period. Spanish. Then I guess he's just real... real good. +Absolutely not. No pictures, either. +Destroy all that which is evil... ...so that which is good may flourish +Know what we need, man?... some rope. For what? +For what? Charlie Bronson's always got rope. +Charlie Bronson's always got rope. What? +What? Yeah, these guys always got a lot of rope strapped around em in the movies and they always end up using it. +Yeah, these guys always got a lot of rope strapped around em in the movies and they always end up using it. Oh, you've lost it, haven't ya? +Oh, you've lost it, haven't ya? I'm serious. +I'm serious. Me too. That's stupid. Name one thing we're gonna need it for. +Me too. That's stupid. Name one thing we're gonna need it for. I don't know they just always need it. +I don't know they just always need it. "What is all this ""they"" shit? This ain't a movie." +Is that right, Rambo? All right, get the stupid fuckin' rope. +Nervous? A bit. +A bit. Me, too. +See. I told you there'd be a shaft. Just like on TV. +Where the fuck are you going? We'll find it. Just calm down. +We'll find it. Just calm down. No, fuck you. This rope is bullshit. I'm sweatin' my ass off draggin' this stupid thing around. Must weigh 30 pounds. +We're doing some serious shit here. Now, get a hold of yourself, asshole. Asshole!? I'm not the rope-totin' Charlie Bronson wanna-be that's getting' us lost! +Asshole!? I'm not the rope-totin' Charlie Bronson wanna-be that's getting' us lost! Sh, sh! Fuck you! +That was way easier than I thought. Aye. +Aye. On TV ya always get that asshole that jumps behind the couch. +On TV ya always get that asshole that jumps behind the couch. Yeah, and ya gotta shoot at him for ten minutes. +Yeah, and ya gotta shoot at him for ten minutes. Oh, we're good man. +Oh, we're good man. Yes, we are. +Nine bodies. Oh, you're good. What were you gonna do? Laugh the last three to death, funny man? +Mafiosos getting caught with 20 kilos and walkin' on bail the same day. Little girls catchin' stray bullets in their heads, playin' hopscotch in their front yards. And everyone thinks the same thing... Someone should just go kill those motherfuckers. +Little girls catchin' stray bullets in their heads, playin' hopscotch in their front yards. And everyone thinks the same thing... Someone should just go kill those motherfuckers. Kill em all. Admit it, even you've thought about it. +Where are you goin'? Did you tell him? Yes. +Yes. Then what the fuck? +Who did you kill? Holy shit. Who? How many? +So what do you think? I'm strangely comfortable with it. +We've teamed up with a sex offender. So, when are you getting a plastic fuck doll? +Give the guy a shot. Rocco, this is the real deal. We must kill without hesitation, without guilt or remorse. Evil man, dead man. +There he goes. Okay, gentlemen. Are we ready to bring this man into the light? Are we ready to truly do the work of the Lord? A-fuckin'-men! +"That's the guy that got us off the hook with the ""Checkov"" thing." And he is one smart man. +He isn't to be touched. He's a good man. +Now, you will receive us. We do not ask for your poor or your hungry. +We do not ask for your poor or your hungry. We do not want your tired and sick. +We do not want your tired and sick. It is your corrupt we claim. +It is your corrupt we claim. It is your evil, who will be sought by us. +It is your evil, who will be sought by us. With every breath we shall hunt them down. +With every breath we shall hunt them down. Each day we will spill their blood till it rains down from the skies. +Each day we will spill their blood till it rains down from the skies. Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace. +Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace. These are not polite suggestions. They are codes of behavior and those that ignore them will pay the dearest cost. +These are not polite suggestions. They are codes of behavior and those that ignore them will pay the dearest cost. There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth Not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption... into our domain. +There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth Not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption... into our domain. For if you do, there will come the day when you look behind you and see we three. And on that day you will reap it. +For if you do, there will come the day when you look behind you and see we three. And on that day you will reap it. And we will send you to whatever God you wish. +I prefer to be called Rozengurtle by men. Okay then... let's get ya started. +Okay, just cut off as much fat as you can as it goes by and the rule of thumb here is... Rule of thumb? +Rule of thumb? Yeah? +Yeah? Do you know where that term comes from? In the early 1900's it was legal for men to beat their wives as long as they used a stick no wider than their thumb. +I knew you two pricks would give me problems. Give me shit cause I'm a woman. I'm not gonna take your male dominance bullshit! Oh, come on now Rozengurtle. I was just tryin' ta get a rise outta ya. +Baumgartner sound Irish to you, fuck face? Now look Rozengurtle, we're sorry. Just relax. +Holy shit. You're the first one that's ever got that. Yeah, well... I'm an expert in name- ology. +And number three, Dolly. Uh... two shooters! +Uh... two shooters! Fan-fuckin-tastic! +So, what do we do now? That depends. You either do your job or get ethical. +She was in here when it went down. Can she I.D. them? +Can she I.D. them? They were wearing masks. +They were wearing masks. Of course they were. How many? +Of course they were. How many? Three. +Only two did the shooting. So what are you thinking, Russian retaliation? Nah, too quick half their infrastructure got taken out at the Copley plaza. Besides, if you're a hitter, you're either working for the Russians or the Italians. There's no riding the fence. Our little theory from last night just got blown to shit. Something... new is going on here. +Maybe the three of them had something in common. No. This guy is big time. These two are street-walking scum. +And it's the same story over here. Why the crossover? Theories. That's just fucking weird. I have no idea. +The shooter knew these guys, huh? How do you figure? +How do you figure? Friends, Gentlemen. They were friends. +No! Fuck you! You start getting excited! We gotta fucking go! Rocco! +What? Where's my cat? +Where's my cat? I killed your fuckin' cat, you druggie bitch! +I killed your fuckin' cat, you druggie bitch! You... oh god, why? +You... oh god, why? I felt it would bring closure to our relationship! +I felt it would bring closure to our relationship! You killed my... my... +Your what?! Your fuckin' what?! My, my... +My, my... Your what, bitch? I'll shoot myself in the head, you can tell me that cats name! Go ahead... Your what? Your precious little... +Your what, bitch? I'll shoot myself in the head, you can tell me that cats name! Go ahead... Your what? Your precious little... Pee...Per...Man. +Pee...Per...Man. Peeperman? WRONG? What color was it?!!! +Peeperman? WRONG? What color was it?!!! It was... It was... +It was... It was... Male or female, bitch?!! +So what are you thinkin' here? Really want to know? +So Duffy, got any theories to go with that... tie. These guys were pros. I think they were coming for one target, the fag man, he was the... +These guys were pros. I think they were coming for one target, the fag man, he was the... The what man? +The what man? The fat man. +The fat man. Well, Freud was right. So you think they came for the fag man, huh? And what do you base this upon? +Well, Freud was right. So you think they came for the fag man, huh? And what do you base this upon? He was the only one done right. Two in the back of the head. +He was the only one done right. Two in the back of the head. And the pennies? +And the pennies? New hitman wants to leave his mark +New hitman wants to leave his mark That's a possibility. Y'know you Boston cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Another possibility is that they were placed there with religious intent. +That's a possibility. Y'know you Boston cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Another possibility is that they were placed there with religious intent. Yeah. Some cultures still put pennies in the eyes of the dead, or silver. +Yeah. Some cultures still put pennies in the eyes of the dead, or silver. The Greeks. The Italians. +The Greeks. The Italians. The Sicilians. +The two bullets went in here, through the top of the skull, criss-crossed and exited through the eyeballs. This one clue tells us three distinct facts. Number one... Duffy. They shot him at a downward angle. They put him on his knees. +They shot him at a downward angle. They put him on his knees. Excellent! Number two. Greenly. +Now stay with me, boys. What did they do to make two such identical wounds? Did one guy put him on his knees, pop a cap in, sit him back up and shoot him again the same way? No. Two men of similar height dropped this guy down, each put some iron to his head and boom! That's all she fuckin' wrote! What about one guy with two guns? +What about one guy with two guns? Possible, but unlikely. The angles are too extreme. A guy holding two guns to the back of your head is gonna shoot straight ahead. He wouldn't cock out his elbows, makes no sense. Besides, you telling me one guy came in here and killed eight men with eight extremely well aimed shots in just a few seconds? No way. Had to be at least two. +Now, what is this going to look like to those who do not know what I just told you? It's gonna look like the bad guys are killing each other. +It's gonna look like the bad guys are killing each other. And is there an American, shit is there a man seated among us that hasn't thought about it many times, let's just put them all on an island, give them guns and let them kill each other. This is our wet dream come true. You can expect federal and local law enforcement to go only deep enough to satisfy the law, then bury it from here on out. +Allow me to enlighten you gentlemen to the protocol of the porno industry, as I'm sure you've never been in one of these places before. A man goes into the booth, puts the money in the slot. The dancer gets it on the other side. She hits the button, door goes up, now there is only glass between you and it's little fireman time. No way they could have seen it? +No way they could have seen it? Those doors were down... which means this. They looked down in through the peep hole, saw these guys and opened the doors from the inside. Pop, pop, pop, right through the glass. Why? +Jesus. I just can't think anymore. That scene over at the coffee shop today tapped me out. What? +What? A guy went nuts over off of Commonwealth today. Shot three guys to death in a coffee shop in broad daylight. Fled the scene. Don't have much on him. +A guy went nuts over off of Commonwealth today. Shot three guys to death in a coffee shop in broad daylight. Fled the scene. Don't have much on him. Why was I not informed of this? +These two fucking scenes are related. Too many coincidences. Same day? Five hours apart? Dead mobsters on both scenes. Now, why did he kill the bartender? Crime of passion. He just went nuts. He would have shot everyone in here. He just ran out of bullets. +Crime of passion. He just went nuts. He would have shot everyone in here. He just ran out of bullets. Duffy. This look like a fucking post office to you? This guy came in here with intent. Maybe he didn't know exactly what he was gonna do but he had a pretty good idea. The bartender wasn't a fucking accident. +Duffy. This look like a fucking post office to you? This guy came in here with intent. Maybe he didn't know exactly what he was gonna do but he had a pretty good idea. The bartender wasn't a fucking accident. Well, we didn't get any help on that. A lot of people saw it. Nobody's talking. +Well, we didn't get any help on that. A lot of people saw it. Nobody's talking. Fucking figures. Look, are you guys seeing the pattern here? We got big questions at both of these crime scenes, with no answers. WHY did they kill the guys in the other two booths? WHY did he do the bartender? It would seem unnecessary, even stupid. God, I hate cold crime scenes! I'm fucking leaving now. And do me a favor, tell me when the next guy dies, cause these guys are not done yet. +That's one big fuckin' shoe!... and think about it. Of all the ways to kill a guy, crushin' him to death. That's very particular. You don't get many of those. I dunno. I feel something big here. I wouldn't be surprised if we see more of these turning up. Brilliant. So now we got a Huge guy theory and Serial crusher theory. Top fucking notch. What's your name? +Brilliant. So now we got a Huge guy theory and Serial crusher theory. Top fucking notch. What's your name? Detective Greenly. Who the fuck are you? +Who the... Twist of lemon! +Twist of lemon! Chief, what the fuck is this? +Chief, what the fuck is this? Sweet-n-low! +He's struck again, hasn't he, Greenly? Why do you always disrespect me like that? +Why do you always disrespect me like that? Respect is earned, Greenly, never given. Guys like you should have to follow me around squabbling for the scraps from my table. +How many bodies, Greenly? Eight. +While Greenly's getting coffee, anybody else want anything? Shit! Shit! +Uh. Shit, I, uh... It tells us that he was the last to die. All these men Were carrying. They came in, dropped all in seconds and then took their time with fag man. Didn't they, Duffy?! They sure as fuck did! +After talking to the dancer we know that their mark was the guy in the middle booth. After she watches them whack him, she passes out. Why the two extra victims? Witness? +Witness? No way they could have seen it. +They weren't related. The guy used a 38. No pennies. Totally amateur. Who were the victims? +Who were the victims? A couple of peons for the mob and... +A couple of peons for the mob and... Oh that's just BEAUTIFUL! All the scumbags in the quiet city of Boston start dropping dead and you think it's unrelated?! Greenly, the day I want the Boston Police doing my thinking for me, I will have a fucking tag on my toe! Now, get me a squad car and get me over there. I want the crime scene photos and any witness statements. NOW! +What if it was just one guy with six guns? Why don't you let me do the thinking, huh, genius? +What the...? I got it ta my head now. I got it ta my head now. +Oh my god! I... +Oh, she's quite proud of herself. Okay, seriously, both you listen ta me now. +It's only 11:00 here boys so I got lot's more drinkin' ta do with your worthless relatives down at the Anvil. Just called ta torture us did ya? +But he's been havin' himself a nip or two as well... Been up the waitress' skirt all night, poor girl. Well you tell him ta take it easy with that. He's gotta learn ta respect women the way Connor does. +Promise me boys. We promise. +Right now. Don't kill me. Oh shit, please no. I'm Rocco. I'm the funny man!... the funny man... the funny. +This is some heavy shit. This is like Lone Ranger-heavy man. Fuck it! There's so much shit that pisses me off. You guys should recruit 'cause I am sick and fuckin' tired of walkin' down the street waitin' for one of these assholes to get me, y'know? Hallelujah, Jaffar. +Hallelujah, Jaffar. So you're not just talkin' mob guys. You're talkin' anyone, right? Even like pimps and drug dealers and all that shit? +Well fuck, you guys could do this every day. We're like 7-Eleven. We ain't always doing business, but we're always open. +You fuckin' guys. You ruined me. I'm fuckin' done. Permanent package boy. Who says that? You could take credit on it. +Who says that? You could take credit on it. What are you serious? +What are you serious? Yeah, fuck it. If you think about it, it's all you can do really. You can't tell him it was us. Go in braggin' and shit. +Hey. You don't know that shit for sure. Oh, Jesus. You're such a fuckin' retard! +Oh, Jesus. You're such a fuckin' retard! Fuck you! +Fuck you! Use your brain for once. Is it so unbelievable they don't care about you? You are fuckin' dead, you go in there today. Dead! +Use your brain for once. Is it so unbelievable they don't care about you? You are fuckin' dead, you go in there today. Dead! Oh yeah. You two fuckin' Micks know what's going on, huh? Fuck you! +Fuck it! What kind of flowers ya want at your funeral? Ya dumb Wop. This is the last time I'll see you. Bye-bye ya stupid son of a bitch. I'll be back at 9:00. +Hello? Hey Murph. +Hey Murph. Roc. You okay? +Roc. You okay? Yeah. Anybody call for me? +Yeah. Anybody call for me? No. You sure you're okay? +No. You sure you're okay? I'm fuckin' fine. Catch you on the flip side. +Hello? Hey, Murph. +Hey, Murph. Roc. You okay? +Roc. You okay? Yeah. Anybody call for me? +Yeah. Anybody call for me? No. You sure you're okay? +No. You sure you're okay? I'm fuckin' fine. Catch you on the flip side. +Hurry the fuck up! This is some crazy shit, man! +This is some crazy shit, man! Those cocksuckers sold me out! +Those rat fucks! All of them were all laughing at me man! You sure you killed them? +Liberating isn't it? Y'know it is, a bit. +Vincenzo, that fat motherfucker, Yakavetta's right hand. He's the one who set me up. Then he went around shooting his mouth off, telling everyone I was as good as dead. He goes in there every Wednesday night around 10:00, he jerks off in the same booth to the same titty dancer. Never misses. So? +So? So let's kill the motherfucker. I mean, what are you guys... like that's your new thing right? +Well, truth be known, those first ones just kinda fell into our laps. Well, what'ya do? +You look like Mush Mouth from Fat Albert. Fine! Fuck it! When we're done she can I.D. me. I don't care. Just tryin' to be professional, but no... +Worst day of my life, man. Well, I'm sold. +Well he sure as fuck knew you! Fuck you both! Ya ask me, he was aiming at you! +Shit!... Shit! He ain't here. What the fuck do you mean? +What the fuck do you mean? I mean he ain't here. +You bet your ass he will. Well, I'd say that makes him a lia- fuckin-bility. +Hey! We gotta talk about this early morning church shit. We have to go now. We're on the lamb. +We'll keep going, Roc. You'll make it outta here. You can't ever stop, not ever. +Hello? You there? Y-Yes my son. +Why have you come to a church for council if you're not religious? Why have I come to a church? I never have before. I guess I just... felt I should. +Why have I come to a church? I never have before. I guess I just... felt I should. What is it my son? +What is it my son? It's ethics. I put evil men behind bars, but the law has miles of red tape and loopholes for these... cocksuckers to slip through. I've found out there are these two young men who fix the situation with an iron fist. As if they have God's permission. But what they do is wrong and I should arrest them... technically. +It's ethics. I put evil men behind bars, but the law has miles of red tape and loopholes for these... cocksuckers to slip through. I've found out there are these two young men who fix the situation with an iron fist. As if they have God's permission. But what they do is wrong and I should arrest them... technically. God's permission? God doesn't... +But in this day and age I believe what they do is... necessary. I feel it is... correct. You believe? +You believe? Yes. +Yes. You feel? +You feel? Yes. +Yes. You feel? A soul is what gives you feelings. Happiness, guilt, right or wrong. It is a conduit through which the Lord speaks to us. You felt that your answers would be here in the house of God today. You feel these men are necessary. The Lord has spoken to you twice this day. +Has he now? You have entered the house of the Lord of your own free will speaking of beliefs and feelings. Is it so much to believe that God has brought you here? +You have entered the house of the Lord of your own free will speaking of beliefs and feelings. Is it so much to believe that God has brought you here? I guess not. +I guess not. It is easy to be sarcastic about religion. It is harder to take small hints from God, your feelings and listen to them... to take a stand. +You're right. Those who do not act are in a constant state of ethical indecision. +Those who do not act are in a constant state of ethical indecision. I want to stand for what I believe in, father. +I want to stand for what I believe in, father. Then you must find out what your beliefs are. +Then you must find out what your beliefs are. I believe these young men are right. +I believe these young men are right. You know them personally? +You know them personally? Yes. +Yes. Do you think they would harm an innocent man, for any reason? +Do you think they would harm an innocent man, for any reason? No. They would never do that. +The laws of God are higher than the laws of man. Yes! Yes! I was thinking that, too. No. I was feeling it. All I needed was to hear you say it! Amen! I'll help them. +Yes! Yes! I was thinking that, too. No. I was feeling it. All I needed was to hear you say it! Amen! I'll help them. Forgive me father. +Forgive me father. Thank you, Father, thank you. Whatever. Goodbye, amen. +You gonna do what I say, got it? Yes. +Yes. I'm sorry you're gonna hafta see this. Don't look at me! +I'm sorry you're gonna hafta see this. Don't look at me! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't see. +I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't see. Shut up! Shut the fuck up! +Don't do this my son. Open it! +Open it! Have you no fear of God? +Have you no fear of God? That's who I'm doing this for, now open the fuckin' thing. +Father, I'll do you right here. God have mercy on my soul. +Do your thing Father. Don't fuck this up. What do you want me to say? +What do you want me to say? Just be natural, goddamit. +Just be natural, goddamit. How long since your last confession, my son? +I wouldn't have, uh, killed you, Father. Dominus Ominus. Remember, you're bound. You can't talk about this... to anyone. Just go! +Poppa Joe, you want me to go now? Yeah. Thanks, Rocco. See ya. +Hey, Rocco, wait. Come back here. Yeah boss? +I always see you talking to the boys and making them laugh. They always come around telling me what a crack up you are. What is it they call you? The... The funny man. +The... The funny man. The funny man. Well, I got a new job for you, just for now. Roc, I'm having a real shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny story or a joke. +The funny man. Well, I got a new job for you, just for now. Roc, I'm having a real shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny story or a joke. Uh. Okay... um... you hear the one about the, no fuck that one... uh... oh! oh! Well... shit. Okay, there's a white guy. He's walkin' along the beach and he finds a, a pot, y'know and ah, he rubs it and this genie pops out. But this genie, he's a ni... he's a black guy. +Uh. Okay... um... you hear the one about the, no fuck that one... uh... oh! oh! Well... shit. Okay, there's a white guy. He's walkin' along the beach and he finds a, a pot, y'know and ah, he rubs it and this genie pops out. But this genie, he's a ni... he's a black guy. He's a nigger. +He's a nigger. "Yeah. And uh, he's pissed off. He says, ""Why you crackers always gotta find my mother fuckin' pot? And he tells him he's gonna grant all his three wishes but he's gonna give all the black guys..." +Continue the joke. "He says, ""What's your third wish?"" And the guys says, ""I-I want you to beat me half to death.""" +Well, it's the funny man. Give it here, package boy. Joey Bevo said it was important. Said I had to give it to him myself. +Joey Bevo said it was important. Said I had to give it to him myself. Gimme the fuckin' thing. Now sit the fuck down! +I'm Rocco. I'm the funny man. Heee Hee. I'm so fuckin' funny. Hee Hee. Fuck you Vincenzo. +Fuck you Vincenzo. Tell me a joke funny man. Hee Hee. +Tell me a joke funny man. Hee Hee. I caught your show down at the velvet room at the Holiday Inn, loved it when you busted into Viva Las Vegas. +What color hair does he have? Black hair. Paul Michael Glaser. +Black hair. Paul Michael Glaser. Making Hutch David Soul? +Making Hutch David Soul? Right. The blond guy. +Right. The blond guy. OK. That's wrong. +OK. That's wrong. Dignan, it's -- +Dignan, it's -- Plus where's Huggie Bear? +Plus where's Huggie Bear? He's not there. Huggie Bear isn't in every single episode. +He's not there. Huggie Bear isn't in every single episode. I think you might of dreamed this one, Anthony. +I think you might of dreamed this one, Anthony. No. It's a real episode. The killer is leading him across the city by calling different pay phones. +Why? As part of his plan. I don't know why. +As part of his plan. I don't know why. See, that's what I'm saying. It has the logic of a dream. +See, that's what I'm saying. It has the logic of a dream. The point is the killer always goes, May I speak to Starsky? He says his name. +The point is the killer always goes, May I speak to Starsky? He says his name. What does Starsky say? +What does Starsky say? He says. This is he. +He says. This is he. This is he? +This is he? No. This is he. +Did you see what I meant about the window? Kind of. Except we've already got the keys. +Kind of. Except we've already got the keys. That's true. But what if they change the locks? +That's true. But what if they change the locks? Would they do that? +Would they do that? Who knows? That's why I filed it down. +Now that window can never be locked. It's impossible. See, your mind is very good with the more mechanical details. Whereas my strength would be -- +She's really kind of hot. She's an attractive older woman. +It's got a V-8, Dignan. What do you think the cops have? +Anthony, we'll get two hundred for the coin collection alone. That's less than what it's appraised at. But Dignan, do you really know that much about rare coins? +But Dignan, do you really know that much about rare coins? I know about money, Anthony. I know the value of money. Plus the earrings are worth three times that. +"The list, Dignan. I know you remember the list because you signed it. ""Things Dignan was not supposed to touch.""" Every valuable item in the house was on that list. +Every valuable item in the house was on that list. That doesn't make any difference. I bought those earrings for my mother on her birthday. They have a very special value for her. +That doesn't make any difference. I bought those earrings for my mother on her birthday. They have a very special value for her. Yeah, but I can't be sorting through that shit in the middle of a burglary. There's just not time for it. +Yeah, but I can't be sorting through that shit in the middle of a burglary. There's just not time for it. Then you shouldn't of gone in there, Dignan. Maybe we should of robbed your house. Did you ever think of that? +Where are you going? I don't appreciate you ridiculing me. +I don't appreciate you ridiculing me. How was I ridiculing you? +How was I ridiculing you? You're making fun of my family. You know there's nothing to steal from my mom and Craig. You know exactly what you're saying. +You're making fun of my family. You know there's nothing to steal from my mom and Craig. You know exactly what you're saying. That's not what I meant, Dignan. +Did you see that? Yeah, I saw it. +Yeah, I saw it. I'm lookout. +I'm lookout. Dignan, it's got an alarm. +Dignan, it's got an alarm. I don't think so. Just reach on in. +I don't think so. Just reach on in. That sets it off. +That sets it off. No, just do it real quick. I'll meet you down there. +It had an alarm. Yeah, I heard that. +Yeah, I heard that. Five, seven, eight dollars. +Holy shit. What'd I tell you? Eight dollars. +Eight dollars. That's not bad. +But he didn't say anything. Hang on a second. +Is it back in? Yeah. +Loop around real fast. Just turn right here. +OK. Escape route. The most important thing you can have is an escape route. Just in case somebody's tailing us. Or even chasing us, as the case may be -- You think we're going to be chased? +You think we're going to be chased? That's a good question. No. I don't. I'm just being hypocritical here. However, I will say -- +Now. One thing we need to discuss is timing. Timing is absolutely crucial. What are you doing? Anthony! Nothing. Go ahead. +Anthony, give me the fucking gun! No, Dignan. It's not your gun. It's all of ours. +Dignan, calm down. You're out! I'm not working with either one of you! +You're out! I'm not working with either one of you! Dignan! Stop! +Calm down. Take a deep breath. You're right. You're right. +Where's the manager? Where's the other stocker? +Where's the other stocker? There's another stocker, right? +There's another stocker, right? We know there's another stocker. +Is that the manager? Unlock that door. Check the aisles. +Holy shit. We got it. We got it. +What about what that guy said? Oh, shit. That was scary. In the middle of the robbery. The manager looks at me. Right in the eye. And goes, I'm going to remember you. +I swear to God. In a very quiet voice. Like he meant it. +Like he meant it. Yeah. +Yeah. Like he would find Dignan. One day. +Like he would find Dignan. One day. Like I'm going to hunt you down and kill you. +What's wrong with him? What do you think? +What do you think? Anthony, he sat in the car and watched a 4-11 in progress. He got what he deserved. +Anthony, he sat in the car and watched a 4-11 in progress. He got what he deserved. He was the driver, Dignan. He did what he's supposed to do. +He was the driver, Dignan. He did what he's supposed to do. I didn't realize you were so sensitive to Bob's feelings. Considering I did the plans, you're actually lucky you got -- +I didn't realize you were so sensitive to Bob's feelings. Considering I did the plans, you're actually lucky you got -- Don't even say it, man. +Can I get that credit card from you? I don't like to use that credit card, Dignan. +I don't like to use that credit card, Dignan. Why not? +Why not? Because my mom gets the bill. +Because my mom gets the bill. She's not going to notice, Anthony. +She's not going to notice, Anthony. I don't want to use it. +I don't want to use it. Well, then cut it in half. +Well, then cut it in half. I keep it for emergencies. +I keep it for emergencies. Anthony, we're on the run. This is an emergency. It's only fair that... +See if mine are in there. Dignan, those aren't running shoes. +Dignan, those aren't running shoes. Yes, they are. +Yes, they are. Look at the treads on those. +Look at the treads on those. What about them? +What about them? They obviously weren't designed for racing. +They obviously weren't designed for racing. Well, those treads stink. You'd blow a knee out racing on those. +Really. OK, Dad. But seriously, Anthony. These are fast shoes. You've never had a pair of fast shoes in your life, Dignan. In fifth grade Dignan used to wear cowboy boots for P.E. +You've never had a pair of fast shoes in your life, Dignan. In fifth grade Dignan used to wear cowboy boots for P.E. That's real cool, Anthony. Yeah, I wore boots. My parents wouldn't buy me any $200 running shoes like yours. I wasn't spoiled. +That's real cool, Anthony. Yeah, I wore boots. My parents wouldn't buy me any $200 running shoes like yours. I wasn't spoiled. Don't call me spoiled, Dignan. +Don't call me spoiled, Dignan. You were spoiled rotten. +I'll just say it. I'll say it. +I'll say it. OK. Go ahead. +OK. Go ahead. On your marks... Get set go. +You owe me fifty bucks. Bob? +Look, man. She didn't know anything about shirts. No, I'm not saying her. I'm just saying, I don't know. +No, I'm not saying her. I'm just saying, I don't know. It's a great shirt. Don't worry about it. +Armored trucks are very difficult to steal, Anthony. I know. But once you get inside you're home free. +I know. But once you get inside you're home free. Right. Get back to me on that one. Once your plan is worth a shit. +Right. Get back to me on that one. Once your plan is worth a shit. It's not a plan. It's just -- +It's not a plan. It's just -- Actually. If you knew the exact route, you could plant explosives under a manhole cover and blow it up as it went over. +Actually. If you knew the exact route, you could plant explosives under a manhole cover and blow it up as it went over. Yeah, but you wouldn't have the truck if you blew it up. +Yeah, but you wouldn't have the truck if you blew it up. True. +Dignan, I can't get my hair cut. That's just not possible, all right? Then you're going to have to dye it, Anthony. We've got to hide our identities. Especially after Bob crashed the car. +No, Dignan. I'm sorry. I can't do that. Even if it's the difference between some trooper recognizing us and throwing us in prison or not? +I thought you guys went to get your hair cut. No. We didn't. +This is Inez. Carmen. Anita. Hi. +Hi. Inez, this is -- +Inez, this is -- Jerry. And this is my associate Cornelius. +May I have a word with you, please? Sure. +What the fuck is going on here? What. What's the matter? +What. What's the matter? Anthony, we're on the run from the law here. Did you tell these people your real name? +Anthony, we're on the run from the law here. Did you tell these people your real name? No. I didn't. Dignan, they don't speak English. +No. I didn't. Dignan, they don't speak English. They don't? +They don't? No. Not really. Inez speaks a little. +No. Not really. Inez speaks a little. Which one was that? +Which one was that? On the left. +She's from Cuba. No kidding. +He needs to hire an attorney. No, no. Look. OK. Let's stay here until we find out what's going on. +Now that makes sense. We'll hang out for a couple of days. Get a little R&R. Make sure Future Man's OK and then get back on the road. As long as he gets out OK. +As long as he gets out OK. Obviously. That's a given. +Obviously. That's a given. Bob? +See, now we've got a plan. Don't worry about it, Bob. +See, one day we were playing hot box over at my next door neighbor Mr. Langston's house and Anthony fell in the pool and got knocked unconscious. I had to dive in and save him. This was in fourth grade. +This was in fourth grade. Mr. Langston performed cardiopulmonary recitation. CPR. I've never said this before, but frankly I thought Anthony was dead. The veins in his face were all sticking out. His skin was blue. He truly did look dead. +Mr. Langston performed cardiopulmonary recitation. CPR. I've never said this before, but frankly I thought Anthony was dead. The veins in his face were all sticking out. His skin was blue. He truly did look dead. After that my parents never let me go to Dignan's again. +After that my parents never let me go to Dignan's again. They blamed my family for everything. They always said Mr. Langston saved Anthony's life. +But if it wasn't for Dignan I probably would of died. Yes... It's true. +He's gone. He stole the car. Where was it parked? +Where was it parked? Right here. +That coward. Son of a bitch. Maybe he just went to the store. +Maybe he just went to the store. He took his stuff. He's gone. I should of seen this. I should of expected it. Bob doesn't have any character. +He went back for his brother. We said 48 hours. +We said 48 hours. That's a long time to be in jail. +When'd he tell you? This morning. +This morning. Where was I? +Where was I? You were asleep. +You were asleep. He told you and you let him do it. +He told you and you let him do it. He told me because he wanted to know if I wanted to go. +He told me because he wanted to know if I wanted to go. If you wanted to go? What were you going to do? Just leave me here by myself? +If you wanted to go? What were you going to do? Just leave me here by myself? Well, I didn't do it, did I? +Well, I didn't do it, did I? So when you were saying Bob's at the store and acting real surprised, that was just an act. You were just -- +So when you were saying Bob's at the store and acting real surprised, that was just an act. You were just -- Bob went to help his brother. I understand that and I can't help it if you don't. +Bob went to help his brother. I understand that and I can't help it if you don't. I understand that if I had a few more friends like you and Bob I'd be dead. +I understand that if I had a few more friends like you and Bob I'd be dead. If you say so. +If you'd gone with Bob you'd probably be in Weatherford by now. Of course I'd be here frantically worrying thinking you must of got kidnapped. I didn't realize you had such an incredible ability to feel sorry for yourself, Dignan. +I didn't realize you had such an incredible ability to feel sorry for yourself, Dignan. Well, the world is a little bit colder today. +We're going over to this bar if you feel like going. No. I'm going to swim. I'll see you later. +Why don't you come with us. OK. +I can't believe he just jumped you. Can you hand me those french fries. +I wish I'd been there. Would of been nice. +Man. I'm sorry. We just went for a walk -- I don't really feel like talking about it. The only thing I feel like is getting the fuck out of this place. +I don't really feel like talking about it. The only thing I feel like is getting the fuck out of this place. We need a car. +I have an idea for that. What? +What? Inez has a master key to all these rooms, doesn't she? Doesn't she? +Inez has a master key to all these rooms, doesn't she? Doesn't she? I don't think we can do that. +I don't think we can do that. I know we can. It's real simple. We go into a room, grab some car keys and -- +I know we can. It's real simple. We go into a room, grab some car keys and -- What I'm saying is she wouldn't go for that. +What I'm saying is she wouldn't go for that. She doesn't need to know. +She doesn't need to know. I don't know, Dignan. I just -- +I don't know, Dignan. I just -- Look. I'm ready to get the fuck out of here. It's real torture for me to be here. Getting the shit kicked out of me by Mexicans. +Look. I'm ready to get the fuck out of here. It's real torture for me to be here. Getting the shit kicked out of me by Mexicans. Shh. +Shh. No one to back me up. Now I have a good idea. So unless you come up with something better -- +No one to back me up. Now I have a good idea. So unless you come up with something better -- Dignan. I can't do that. All right? I just can't. +I don't think we need any keys, Dignan. I think I can hotwire a car for us. You don't know how to hotwire. +You don't know how to hotwire. Yes, I do. Bob taught me. +Yes, I do. Bob taught me. Bob taught you how to get electrocuted. +Bob taught you how to get electrocuted. No, I'm serious. He made me a diagram. +I think we better go home. Don't panic, Anthony. +Don't panic, Anthony. I'm not. But there's -- +I'm not. But there's -- You can't just run home every time things get tough. First of all, we've got enough dough to -- +You can't just run home every time things get tough. First of all, we've got enough dough to -- Our money situation is not good. +Our money situation is not good. "You're so spoiled. What is ""not good"" to you? Only a few hundred --" +"You're so spoiled. What is ""not good"" to you? Only a few hundred --" We've got sixteen dollars. +We've got sixteen dollars. That's not correct. +Sixteen dollars. I know. +I know. Where's the rest? +I had to give some to Inez. How much? +How much? $383. +You gave $383 to the goddamn housekeeper! What the fuck is your problem? She needed it. +She needed it. A $500 tip! For the housekeeper! +A $500 tip! For the housekeeper! Her name's Inez. Stop calling her the housekeeper. +Her name's Inez. Stop calling her the housekeeper. That's what she is! +That's what she is! I know that. But -- +I know that. But -- You're in love with the fucking housekeeper! +You're in love with the fucking housekeeper! Shut up! +Shut up! What are you going to do, get married? Have a bunch of little idiot janitor brats! And go around scrubbing the -- +When'd you get back? Ah. Couple days ago. +Who's in the car? That's Applejack. You want to meet him? +That's Applejack. You want to meet him? Sure. +Applejack would of got him anyway. This was just the quicker way. You really hit a guy with a bottle? +I want you to look at this. What is it? +What is it? It's big, Anthony. Real big. It's called Hinckley Cold Storage. +It's big, Anthony. Real big. It's called Hinckley Cold Storage. What's Hinckley Cold Storage? +Mr. Henry has an inside source. We call him Steve. That's where we get our information. Who's Mr. Henry? +Who's Mr. Henry? You'll meet him this afternoon. He's helping us set it up. +What exactly is this place? Freezers? Right. Freezers. Imported foods. +What time did he say to be here? Right now. +You could give somebody a concussion. Let me feel that. +What do you think? He seems pretty good. +Dignan. Take it easy. Bob! +He doesn't want to fight. Get out of the way. +Get out of the way. No, Dignan. This isn't -- +No fighting. It wasn't Bob's fault. Easy, Dignan. It's OK. +Shit, Dignan. What the fuck are we doing out here? +What the fuck are we doing out here? I don't know, Dignan. You went crazy. +I don't know, Dignan. You went crazy. I'm sorry, Bob. +OK. Man in blue jeans just left by southwest door. He is entering a white van. What time is it? Eleven fifteen. +Eleven fifteen. OK. Mark that down. +OK. Mark that down. I did. +God. Isn't this great? Working on the job. Got a wheel man. Got a safecracker. Good friends with Mr. Henry. Yeah. It's pretty good. +Yeah. It's pretty good. It's like we've finally arrived. +Next week we'll be drinking piña coladas. Hopefully this trip'll go a little smoother than the last one. +Or I might end up with a broken nose. Did that hurt? +I'll try not to hold you back tomorrow. I don't think you will. +I don't think you will. I don't want to be too much of a liability. +I don't want to be too much of a liability. Look, you're going to do fine. It's OK to be scared. +Look, you're going to do fine. It's OK to be scared. I don't think I ever said this to you. But it meant a lot to me the way you were after that Swifty stuff happened. +He was a nice guy. He was all right. +Do you like Inez? As a person? +As a person? Yeah. As a girl. +Yeah. As a girl. Yes. I do. +Yes. I do. So do I. +Bird Dog to Scarecrow. Bird Dog to Scarecrow. Go ahead, Bird Dog. +Go ahead, Bird Dog. You're all clear. +You're all clear. Roger. +Roger. We all set? +We all set? Hang on a second. +Uh-huh? Take your second position. +Take your second position. OK. Roger. +I'm in position, Scarecrow. Any activity? +Any activity? Not at all. The place is totally deserted. +Not at all. The place is totally deserted. Good. It's supposed to be. +Good. It's supposed to be. I've got a great view up here. I can see all the -- +I've got a great view up here. I can see all the -- Stand by, Bird Dog. +I don't know. Check the fucking elevator. It's moving. +What's happening? What's going on? It was Bob. His walkie talkie's busted. +Who did that? What the fuck is that? It's going back down. +It's going back down. Applejack! What's happening? +Freeze! Nobody move! +Nobody move! Get against the wall! +Help me move him. Careful. Check his pulse. +Who tripped the alarm? It's the fire alarm. Somebody pulled the fire alarm. +It's the fire alarm. Somebody pulled the fire alarm. Where's Kumar? +Where's Kumar? I don't know. +I don't know. Jesus Christ, Anthony. Did you lose him? +What are you doing? Let's go. Come on. +Wait for Kumar. Come on, Kumar. +You're kidding. Applejack's stuck in the elevator? +Come on. I'll see you there. +I'll see you there. What? +What? I'll see you there. +I'll see you there. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I'll get him. +I'll get him. There's not enough time. +There's not enough time. Yes, there is. Let's get organized. +Dignan, it's too late. I don't think so. +Like amnesia. Can't remember shit. CRS. +So is Mr. Henry going to come by and see me or anything? I don't think so. I mean. Actually, he robbed Bob's house. +I don't think so. I mean. Actually, he robbed Bob's house. He did? +He did? Yeah. +Yeah. You got to be kidding me. +You got to be kidding me. I'm not kidding. +I'm not kidding. What'd he get? +What'd he get? Pretty much everything. +Pretty much everything. The grandfather clock? +You think Applejack knew? We haven't heard from Applejack since he got out of the hospital. His case got dismissed. +Why? We're not sure. +Mr. Henry never gave you a test, did he? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Nothing. +You're living on a sailboat? It belongs to Bob's uncle. +It belongs to Bob's uncle. How big is it? +How big is it? Oh, I'd say about -- +Where? Behind Bob's house. +Does it float? We're not sure yet. It's going to need some repairs. +So how is it in there? What can I say? It's jail. You don't sleep when you want to. You don't eat when you want to. +What's he in for? He stole a tractor. +I think I may have found a way out of here. You're kidding. +You're kidding. No. I'm not. +No. I'm not. How? +How? Shhh. Wait for my instructions. +Shhh. Wait for my instructions. Dignan, I -- +When we go through the next gate you'll have 30 seconds to take out the tower guard. What? +What? Have the car running at the north- west checkpoint. Bob and I'll -- +Have the car running at the north- west checkpoint. Bob and I'll -- Dignan, I -- +Scale the barricade and tunnel through no man's land. And Bob. Remember: Scale the -- +Scale the -- Shield me from the bullets. They won't shoot civilians. Ready? +This is my business manager, Rowboat. Nice to meet you. +Nice to meet you. That's a sharp jacket. +That's a sharp jacket. Thanks. +It's hard to get much spin with this kind of paddle. It's called a racquet, Anthony, and you're holding it wrong. That's ghetto play. Hold it like this. +You know, your form is for shit, but you've got a hell of a talent. Thanks. +Every once in a while some cat comes to me. He wants to know how I made it. How did I become a success? The first thing I tell them is: follow your instincts. Let your instincts guide you. The second thing I tell them is, for Christ's sake: you got to know your grammar. Grammar. +You mean like techniques? Technique. That's right. Seventy- five percent of your job is crowd control. Seventy-five percent. Do you believe that? +I'd like to live in that place. Hinckley Cold Storage. Yeah. Convert it into lofts. OK. Pop quiz. What's the single most important aspect of your job? +You mean a safecracker? Yeah. And I'll tell you who we're going to want: Kumar Banijamali. +Look at that woman. She's what? Fifty? Fifty-five? But she hasn't let herself go. I appreciate an older woman who has a commitment to her body. So do I. +Tell me something. What the hell kind of name is Dignan? I'm not really sure. I think it's Irish. Or maybe -- +I'm not really sure. I think it's Irish. Or maybe -- I guess what I'm trying to say is what the hell kind of person is this Dignan? +I guess what I'm trying to say is what the hell kind of person is this Dignan? What do you mean what kind of person? He's a good person. +What do you mean what kind of person? He's a good person. Sure, sure. He's a great person, and I'd call bullshit on anybody who said differently. But I wonder if the kid has the goods up here. +Sure, sure. He's a great person, and I'd call bullshit on anybody who said differently. But I wonder if the kid has the goods up here. I don't think you're giving him enough credit. I know sometimes he doesn't think an idea through. He gets too excited. But -- +I don't think you're giving him enough credit. I know sometimes he doesn't think an idea through. He gets too excited. But -- As far as I can tell he hasn't thought his life through. He'd be fine cutting my grass or parking my car. But business? You I can work with. You I could groom. Dignan's not going to make it. +And you're wrong if you think, I'd turn my back on a friend. Hold it. +Congratulations. You passed the test. What do you mean? +What do you mean? The Abe Henry double-cross test. You just made a perfect score. +That was a test? Take a deep breath. +How does that feel? It feels good. +Did Dignan take the test? Yes, he did. +Yes, he did. How'd he do? +Well, he agreed 100% that Bob should be dropped. And he also agreed you were a liability. But he felt his talent would make up for your weaknesses. That sounds like Dignan. +I'll tell you, Anthony. Times like this I get philosophical. What does it mean? What's it all about? Are you afraid to die? Me? +Me? No, that door over there. +No, that door over there. I don't want to die. +I don't want to die. Are you afraid? +Are you afraid? Yeah. I mean, I don't think about it all the time. But once in awhile I kind of go, Woah. Man. +Yeah. I mean, I don't think about it all the time. But once in awhile I kind of go, Woah. Man. Exactly. Woah. +Exactly. Woah. Death. +Death. The fear of death, The pain of consciousness. Did you mix this martini? +The fear of death, The pain of consciousness. Did you mix this martini? No. Bob did. +No. Bob did. Bob. Bob. That's a palindrome. I love palindromes. +Bob. Bob. That's a palindrome. I love palindromes. Are you afraid to die, Mr. Henry? +Are you afraid to die, Mr. Henry? Anthony, I'm petrified. +This is good. I want to ask a favor, boys. One day, when I'm long gone and all but forgotten, make one last toast to Abe Henry. And remember me as a friend. +But you're thieves. It's what you are. Yeah. +Yeah. It's an esoteric journey. +We're renegades from despair. Can I ask you something, Mr. Henry? +Can I ask you something, Mr. Henry? Absolutely. +Absolutely. Why'd you want to help us? +Why'd you want to help us? Because I was like you once. And there was no one there to help me. +Future Man. Who? +Who? Future Man. You know. Cause he looks like he's from the future. +Did you ever steal a car before? Yeah. I've stolen two cars before. One Jaguar. And one Trans-Am. With T- Tops. That Trans-Am was fun to drive. +What do herbs have to do with it? I don't understand the -- Pot is an herb. It's just like any type of gardening. +In your backyard? How do you protect them? It's private property. Plus I have Hector. +It's private property. Plus I have Hector. Hector woudn't do anything. +Hector woudn't do anything. But he's got a loud bark. That's the most important thing is a loud bark. +Could you grow cinnamon? I don't know. Sure, I guess. +I don't know. Sure, I guess. You could make your own cinnamon toast. +Let them fight. Let them fight. +Are you serious? Yeah. He said that. +See you. See you, Bob. +You'll probably have them the rest of your life. What was that? +What the fuck is Dignan doing with that cop? He loves them. There's a million places to hide around here. +There's a million places to hide around here. Oh, yeah. They'll never catch the guy. +Oh, yeah. They'll never catch the guy. I hope not. +I hope not. Phil probably provoked him. Where's he going? +Where you going? Move. +Why don't you just tell them the truth. Those belong to my neighbor Phil. I don't know. I personally don't need that shit in my life right now. +I don't know. I personally don't need that shit in my life right now. Nobody does. +Will you guys shut up? God. It's like having two little kids in the car. OK, Dad. +You think he got my license plates? He looked too shaken-up. +How long are they going to hold him? I don't know. I don't know anything. Except Phil says they got him. And he's in jail. +Anthony, I -- And if Future Man doesn't get let out of jail in 48 hours, then we go back. All right? +What? Is that OK? +Bob, where you going? I'm not playing any more golf. +I'm not playing any more golf. Why not? +Why not? Cause I'm not getting any better. It's a waste of time. +Cause I'm not getting any better. It's a waste of time. You've only been playing for two weeks, Bob. It takes a long time to learn this game. +You've only been playing for two weeks, Bob. It takes a long time to learn this game. You think I'm improving? +You think I'm improving? Yes. You just got to stick with it. +You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. No, I don't mind. +No, I don't mind. I know it must of been a bad experience. But it doesn't sound like it was your fault. +I know it must of been a bad experience. But it doesn't sound like it was your fault. Well, I didn't mean to electrocute him. But the whole operation was my idea. +It took six months of research. I did all the wiring myself. Switched AC to DC. Doubled the voltage. Shorted out the generator. The whole school was shut down. That's pretty complicated for a senior prank. +That's pretty complicated for a senior prank. I don't like that word prank, Bob. I was trying to do something more than a prank. +At first they were going to charge me with manslaughter. That's partly why I was in custody so long. Sixty days. Sixty days? +Sixty days? Yeah. One minute you're studying Great Expectations and the next minute you're drawing the Holy Mary for some kid who tried to stab his girlfriend. +Yeah. One minute you're studying Great Expectations and the next minute you're drawing the Holy Mary for some kid who tried to stab his girlfriend. Why were you drawing the Holy Mary? +Why were you drawing the Holy Mary? Prison tatoos. I got to be pretty good. It's not like drawing on paper. +I thought he didn't have to pay anything because of the technicality. Yeah, but he still has the aggravation. Three days sitting in a cell. +Yeah, but he still has the aggravation. Three days sitting in a cell. Were you adopted, Bob? +Were you adopted, Bob? Why do you say that? +Why do you say that? Well, because you guys don't look alike. +Well, because you guys don't look alike. No. I wasn't adopted. +Was Future Man adopted? Jesus Christ! No. +Let's not even talk about it. It was stupid. +Yeah. Let's keep it -- Cause you would of let my brother rot in jail. +Give him a second. Hopscotch. The code name is hopscotch. +You OK, Bob? No, I'm having a heart attack. Of course, I'm OK. What's that supposed to mean? +No, I'm having a heart attack. Of course, I'm OK. What's that supposed to mean? Nothing. I was just asking. +No, I know. I'm just saying. I feel fine. You want a piece of cake? Sure. +What are you doing? My walkie talkie's busted. I can't tell what's going on. +My walkie talkie's busted. I can't tell what's going on. Let me see it. Did you drop it? +Let me see it. Did you drop it? No. +Jesus, Bob. I didn't do anything. +Yeah. Who's got the car keys? +We think Mr. Henry maybe -- His health isn't very good, you know. They take that into account. +It's in the driveway. Temporarily. +How do you say nineteen? Dies y nueve. +Dies y nueve. Right. Yeah. Yo soy dies y nueve. How old are you? +Are you ever scared of finding a dead body in one of these rooms? No. +No. It could happen. This is the exact kind of place where it happens. But I don't want to scare you. +Were you born in Mexico? Cuba. +Cuba. Oh, really? That's interesting. Do you prefer Cuba or the United States? +Does my skin feel soft, Anthony? God, yes. Like silk. +What? What? Like silk? +Like silk? God. That does sound corny. Oh, your skin feels so soft and silky. But it really kind of does. +Nice to meet you, Applejack. You're Anthony? +You're Anthony? Yeah. +Yeah. I hear you're a good thief. +Did you ever hear of the S. Cooper Trust robbery? Uh-uh. +Uh-uh. S. Cooper Trust, in San Francisco? +S. Cooper Trust, in San Francisco? Uh-uh. +Let's go, Abdul-Shabazz. Abdul-Shabazz? +I can knock a man out with a six inch punch. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Feel this. +Where'd they come from? The front stairs. +The front stairs. Where were you? +There's a lot of valuable shit in there, Applejack. The silver and the china. The crystal. And the grandfather clock. Goddammit, I bet that clock's worth ten grand. Why the fuck do we need to blow up the car? It doesn't make any goddamn sense. +Why the fuck do we need to blow up the car? It doesn't make any goddamn sense. Just settling an old score. You might say revenge. +Just settling an old score. You might say revenge. That sounds like a lot of bullshit that'll land us in jail. +That sounds like a lot of bullshit that'll land us in jail. We might have to take that chance. Cause I feel pretty strongly about this. +We might have to take that chance. Cause I feel pretty strongly about this. Is that Buckethead? +Is that him? Wait a second. +That's Anthony. That's your friend Anthony? +That's your friend Anthony? Yeah. +Yeah. What's he doing here? +What's he doing here? Looks like he's staying with Buckethead. That's what I figured. He's probably got his own room. Let's see where he's going. +Wait. Did he see us? We're going too slow. It looks like we're following him. +Mr. Henry pulled that job in 1965. It's famous. Applejack was the wheel man. Did you use this same car, Applejack? Hell, no. This is a '72. I was driving a '63 Pontiac. +I don't know why the fuck we're having a party. The damn job's not over yet. Well, this isn't really a party per se. +Well, this isn't really a party per se. You don't celebrate til it's over. +You don't celebrate til it's over. True. +What? Bob! Get back in position! +Are you a fag? You're the faggot. +Dignan and Anthony, this is Little Richard. He's crazy. Totally nuts. I don't know about that. +I don't know about that. Little Richard. Trust me. You're insane. Jesus, this guy used to carry a percussion bomb around in his trunk. You do not want a guy like that loose on the streets. +Little Richard. Trust me. You're insane. Jesus, this guy used to carry a percussion bomb around in his trunk. You do not want a guy like that loose on the streets. It seemed like a good idea at the time. +It seemed like a good idea at the time. The one and only Little Richard. +Well, what do you think? I don't know, Bob. What about one of those? +I'm not allowed to drive those. Not even for emergencies? +Not even for emergencies? No. +No. I thought your parents were in Italy. +I thought your parents were in Italy. They are. +They are. So who's going to know? +So who's going to know? My brother. +He looks like he was designed by scientists. For desert warfare. That never would of -- +That never would of -- Let's cut the bullshit. +If you're that worried, maybe we should just steal one. What are you talking about, Bob? +What are you talking about, Bob? Can you use a coaster. +You stole a Trans-Am. Yes. I did. +Yes. I did. OK, Bob. +OK, Bob. It's true, Dignan. +It's true, Dignan. Well. What do you want to do? You want to steal one or just drive your car? +Well. What do you want to do? You want to steal one or just drive your car? I'll just drive my car. +How much could you grow? Realistically. As much as I want. When these plants bud I'll probably have about six thousand dollars worth of weed. +As much as I want. When these plants bud I'll probably have about six thousand dollars worth of weed. Six thousand dollars? Come on, Bob. +Six thousand dollars? Come on, Bob. You should take a look. I have an entire crop in my backyard. +If it's that easy why doesn't everybody grow them? Good question. +Don't you guys tell anybody about my plants. You're paranoid, Bob. +You're paranoid, Bob. Yeah, but don't tell anybody. +What was that all about? I can't believe you said that. +I can't believe you said that. What did I say? +What did I say? I told you he's crazy. +The guy is fucking insane. I warned you, Dignan. +I warned you, Dignan. You said it like it was a big joke, Bob. Like he's wild. +You said it like it was a big joke, Bob. Like he's wild. No, I was saying crazy like a lunatic. +No, I was saying crazy like a lunatic. I know that now. He's a fucking psycho. +I know that now. He's a fucking psycho. Well, don't blame me. I told you. +Well, don't blame me. I told you. I do blame you, Bob. And woah. Look at her. +Where'd she go? Maybe she turned. +I think we might of scared her. Let's just go. +I'm going to take a look at this. Hang on. This is important, Bob. Anthony and I are responsible for the internal situation. The money and the people. You're responsible for the external situation. The streets and the getaway. +Hang on. This is important, Bob. Anthony and I are responsible for the internal situation. The money and the people. You're responsible for the external situation. The streets and the getaway. That's my responsibility. +That's my responsibility. That's your domain. +That's your domain. OK. +Bob. I'm paying attention. I just want to look at it for a minute. +I'm paying attention. I just want to look at it for a minute. What's your fucking problem? You're a shithead! +What's your fucking problem? You're a shithead! I just want to see how much bullets it takes. +I paid for it. God DAMMIT. +He doesn't get it. Held never understand what we're trying to accomplish here. It's too dangerous for him. Well, in reality it's not that dangerous, Bob. It's only dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. +Well, in reality it's not that dangerous, Bob. It's only dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. Yeah, but what if some nut pulled gun on you? +You know, Bob, Anthony did kill someone. He electrocuted our janitor senior year. He electrocuted someone? +He electrocuted someone? It was an accidental. I don't want to go into the details. It was just one of those senior pranks that didn't really go right. I mean, obviously, since Swifty's dead. That's why Anthony never graduated. +It was an accidental. I don't want to go into the details. It was just one of those senior pranks that didn't really go right. I mean, obviously, since Swifty's dead. That's why Anthony never graduated. His name was Swifty? +His name was Swifty? Yeah. One of the nicest old guys you'd ever know. +Yeah. One of the nicest old guys you'd ever know. That's too bad. +That's too bad. You know, when somebody gets electrocuted, their skin starts smoking. At least Swifty's did. +What are you doing? I'm putting a piece of tape on my nose. +What happened? Shhh. Slow down, Bob. Drive natural. +Shhh. Slow down, Bob. Drive natural. This is natural. +This is natural. That's good. Keep it at forty. +That's good. Keep it at forty. Did we get it? +Did we get it? Be cool, Bob. Be cool. Make that light. +How much is there? Don't count it. +Was Dignan screaming like, Get me a bag! No. I was calm. +You really think he'll remember you? No. All he'll remember is a guy with a piece of tape on his nose. +Bob, will you please listen? I don't want to talk about it. +"I mean, Jesus Christ, Bob. You didn't have some vicious lunatic screaming, ""I'm going to remember you!""" That's true. That would give me nightmares. +That's true. That would give me nightmares. Bob, I've got nightmares. +Way to go, Bob! I told you they were there. +I told you they were there. So it's my fault? +In all probability nothing would of happened. But why take the chance? That's why I ran. I mean how many plants were even back there? Five? Ten? There were more than that. +Shit, Bob. What the fuck did you do that for? He wouldn't move. +Is he chasing us? I don't know. +I'm sure he did. We'll have to get new plates. It's registered in my mother's name. +It's registered in my mother's name. What the fuck possessed you? +What the fuck possessed you? You're the one who kept saying ram him. +Bob. Are you coming? See you in a little while. +You can go first, Bob. My brother's in jail. +My brother's in jail. What are you talking about? +The weed. But it's not his. How can they arrest Future Man? +But it's not his. How can they arrest Future Man? They said he's a drug dealer. +I don't think they can make it stick, Bob. I mean, what do they actually have on Future Man? Well, the marijuana crop is a good start. +Well, the marijuana crop is a good start. That could be anybody's. +That could be anybody's. They also found my two beam scale in the garage. +They also found my two beam scale in the garage. Since when is it a crime to have a scale in your house? Everybody has a scale. +Since when is it a crime to have a scale in your house? Everybody has a scale. The cops say it's a special kind of scale drug dealers use in selling marijuana. +The cops say it's a special kind of scale drug dealers use in selling marijuana. So tell them the truth. What do you use it for? +So tell them the truth. What do you use it for? I was just going to use it to see how much I had. +How long has he been in there? I don't know. +I don't know. Then how come they haven't set the bail yet? That's unconstitutional. +Then how come they haven't set the bail yet? That's unconstitutional. We'll have to see when we get back. +What do you mean get back? Well, obviously, we got to go back. +Well, obviously, we got to go back. Bob, that makes no sense. +Bob, that makes no sense. Dignan, he's my brother. I can't just leave him there. +Dignan, he's my brother. I can't just leave him there. This could be a trap. +This could be a trap. Come on, Dignan. +Come on, Dignan. "Don't ""Come on, Dignan"" me." +"Don't ""Come on, Dignan"" me." I'm going back. +I'm going back. Not in that car you're not. +Not in that car you're not. Watch me. +Watch me. Good luck, since I got the keys. +Give me the keys, Dignan. I can't do that, Bob. +I can't do that, Bob. Dignan. You're going to give me those keys or you're going to get hurt. +Dignan. You're going to give me those keys or you're going to get hurt. Don't threaten me, Bob. +Don't threaten me, Bob. Goddammit, Dignan! It's my car! If you don't give me my keys, I swear to God -- +Future Man would never go to jail for you, I'll tell you that. His name's not Future Man, Dignan. +His name's not Future Man, Dignan. I know it's not. +I know it's not. You don't even know his name. +You don't even know his name. Yes, I do. +Yes, I do. What is it? +What is it? Just get in the car, Bob. +Just get in the car, Bob. What's his name? +What's his name? OK, Bob. I don't know his name. You know why? Because I don't care. He's Future Man. But I care about you. And to me it doesn't make sense to go back to the scene of a crime. Will you get in the car, Bob? This is stupid. +It's not your decision and he's not your brother, Dignan. That's right. I only have one vote. We'll go talk with Anthony and figure it out. +You've got a beautiful walk, Bob. Let's go. +Dignan. Anthony. Bad news. +Hey, Dignan. How's it going? Not bad. +Not bad. Come on in. What you been up to? +Come on in. What you been up to? Not a whole lot, Bob. +It's too bad about what happened on the road. Yeah. It is. +Right. It was extremely stupid. I don't expect an apology and I don't even want one. I just want us to -- +I don't expect an apology and I don't even want one. I just want us to -- I can't fucking believe this guy. An apology, Bob? +I can't fucking believe this guy. An apology, Bob? Man, I don't want to go into this. +You said 48 hours! I never agreed to that. +I never agreed to that. Bob, you're lying! +Bob, you're lying! Bullshit. +Bullshit. All right! Backyard! Right now! +Come on! I don't want to fight you, Dignan. +It wasn't your fault, Bob. You had your brother. I didn't have any choice. +I'm sorry, Bob. That's OK. +That's OK. Look. We want you on the job. +Come on, Bob. I know it, man. Hang on. +I know it, man. Hang on. Jesus Christ. +Scarecrow? Yeah? +Everything OK? Yeah. We're in the elevator. How's it look back there? +Yeah. We're in the elevator. How's it look back there? It looks pretty good. There's nobody back here. +It looks pretty good. There's nobody back here. Stand by. Bird Dog? +I couldn't hear anything. Who's watching the door? What the fuck are you doing? Get back in position. +What's wrong with Applejack? He's having a heart attack or something. +He's having a heart attack or something. Let's go! +Is he breathing? I think so. +Jesus Christ. What the fuck is that? I didn't think there was an alarm. +I didn't think there was an alarm. Take him to the car, Bob. +The elevator broke. Where's Applejack? +Where's Applejack? He's stuck between two floors. +Applejack drove. Run. Run. Let's go. +I said to the DA, That cop who hit me must of given me CRS disease. What's that? +What's that? That's just what the DA asked. CRS is a disease where you can't remember shit. +Do you have your own room? We don't have rooms, Bob. We have cells. +We don't have rooms, Bob. We have cells. Do you have your own cell? +Do you have your own cell? No. I have a cellmate. His name's Carl. +Do they let you -- I don't really want to talk about it, Bob. +Hold on -- Here we go. +Here we go. Wait a second -- +Wait a second -- Now! +How's that 700 bucks coming? I'm working on it. +I'm working on it. Hard to find it sitting by the pool drinking beer and bullshitting. +Fancy seeing you here, Bob. Yeah. Hey, Clay. +I might have mentioned it. John, I'm twenty-six years old I didn't run away from home. +John, I'm twenty-six years old I didn't run away from home. I know, Bob. You were on a secret mission. +I know, Bob. You were on a secret mission. I'd appreciate it if you didn't go around telling people lies about me. +I'd appreciate it if you didn't go around telling people lies about me. Right. I'm sorry. You've got a reputation to think about. +How you doing, Bob? Hey, Jackson. How's it going? +You keeping out of trouble? I'm trying. +I'm trying. This boy's a troublemaker. He used to tear this place apart. +Your brother was up here the other day. He said you ran away from home. He said what? +He said what? He said you ran away from home. +He said you ran away from home. No. I didn't run away. I went out of town. +How long do you have to go? 26 weeks. +26 weeks. And what does that cover? +And what does that cover? Social issues. Crime prevention. +Social issues. Crime prevention. Hand to hand combat? +Ground defense. Did you hear that? +Dignan. Good to see you. Good to see you Applejack. Who are you? This is Anthony Adams, Mr. Henry. +This is Anthony Adams, Mr. Henry. This is no good. +Is he in? I don't know. Are you in, Anthony? +What do you mean grammar? The basic grammatical rules of robbing. +The grammar? Crowd control. Crowd control. Wake up, guys. +Crowd control. Crowd control. Wake up, guys. Oh, yeah. +Oh, yeah. You're going to need a boxman for this one. But that can be arranged. +Is he good? He's damn good. +Join the party, fellas. We're just going over a few things. +You got to have fun with it. There's no point if you're not having any fun. Would you like me to be there tomorrow? Yes. +Yes. Why? +Why? Well, I think -- +Well, I think -- No, if I go out on this job, then it's just another score by Mr. Henry. And I don't see it like that. This is your job. Your creation. I want you to try this. +Where did he go? Who? Applejack? +Who? Applejack? Why did he go that way? +Why did he go that way? He's going to watch the back stairwell, remember? Don't worry about it. +What's the story? Can't get it. It won't... +Can't get it. It won't... What can we do? +We're closed, sir. Where's that guy going? +Where's that guy going? He left his sweater. +He left his sweater. Well, I left some money in there. +Well, I left some money in there. Where? +Where? In the cash register. Step away from the door. +Where is he? Where is Rob? I don't know. Maybe in literature. That's his section. +I don't know. Maybe in literature. That's his section. You got that? +Hello, my friend. You in the Army, yes? No. I just have short hair. +No. I just have short hair. Is that your chiquita? +Is that your chiquita? No, my friend knows her. +No, my friend knows her. She Chicano, yes? +You like Chicanos? Sure. +You a good pool player. Got a little lucky. +Got a little lucky. Where's your friend? He go with the chiquita? +I don't know. She is a good looking woman. +Guess I'll get another Tecate. Si. Tecate. You like to fight? +Si. Tecate. You like to fight? What? +What? Fight. You know. +No. Just pool. You Hoto? +You Hoto? Fuck you. You a Hoto. +Fuck you. You a Hoto. No. Me no Hoto. Tecate? +No. Me no Hoto. Tecate? Right. +How's the weather down there? Mr. Henry? +Mr. Henry? Come on in! +Come on in! It's locked. +It's locked. No, it's not. +John Mapplethorpe. How are you. Hi. Good to know you, John. +The world needs dreamers, son. What? +What? The world needs dreamers. To relieve the pain of consciousness. +Well, we'll see you later, Bob. Pleasure to meet you, John. +Pleasure to meet you, John. Nice to meet you. +You told me Bourne was dead. There was a mistake. +There was a mistake. I'll say. You killed his goddam girlfriend instead. Now they're onto Neski. They're at the Brecker Hotel even as we speak. +I'll say. You killed his goddam girlfriend instead. Now they're onto Neski. They're at the Brecker Hotel even as we speak. Will it track back to us? +Will it track back to us? No. The files are spotless. Whatever they find, it's just going to make Conklin look worse. +No. The files are spotless. Whatever they find, it's just going to make Conklin look worse. And the Landy woman? +And the Landy woman? She's done everything I wanted. She bit on Conklin so fast it was laughable. She even found his bogus Swiss account... +She's done everything I wanted. She bit on Conklin so fast it was laughable. She even found his bogus Swiss account... Anything else? +Neski was a roadblock. Without me, there's no company, no fortune. You owe me, Uri. One last push. One last push. One. +Leaving was a business decision. We're both rich, come enjoy it. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Go to the airport. Get a plane. I'll have a brass band waiting for you. +Go to the airport. Get a plane. I'll have a brass band waiting for you. Save it for Bourne. +Save it for Bourne. What? +He left yesterday on the night train. He's probably just getting in now. You'll have to hurry. Bourne comes here? Why? +Treadstone. Never heard of it. +Never heard of it. That's not gonna fly. +That's not gonna fly. With all due respect, Pam, I think you might've wandered a little past your pay-grade. +And what are we looking for? I want to know about Treadstone. +I want to know about Treadstone. To know about it? It was a kill squad. Black on black. Closed down two years ago. Nobody wants to know about Treadstone. Not around here. You better take this back to Marty and make sure he knows what you're doing. +To know about it? It was a kill squad. Black on black. Closed down two years ago. Nobody wants to know about Treadstone. Not around here. You better take this back to Marty and make sure he knows what you're doing. He does. I've been down to the archives. I have the files, Ward. +Let's talk about Conklin. What are you after, Pam? You want to fry me? You want my desk? Is that it? +What are you after, Pam? You want to fry me? You want my desk? Is that it? I want to know what happened. +I want to know what happened. What happened? Jason Bourne happened. You've got the files? Then let's cut the crap. It went wrong. Conklin had these guys wound so tight they were bound to snap. Bourne was his number one -- guy went out to work, screwed the op and never came back. Conklin couldn't fix it, couldn't find Bourne, couldn't adjust. It all went sideways. Finally there were no options left. +What happened? Jason Bourne happened. You've got the files? Then let's cut the crap. It went wrong. Conklin had these guys wound so tight they were bound to snap. Bourne was his number one -- guy went out to work, screwed the op and never came back. Conklin couldn't fix it, couldn't find Bourne, couldn't adjust. It all went sideways. Finally there were no options left. So you had Conklin killed. I mean, if we're cutting the crap... +So you had Conklin killed. I mean, if we're cutting the crap... I've given thirty years and two marriages to this agency. I've shoveled shit on four continents. I'm due to retire next year and believe me, I need my pension, but if you think I'm gonna sit here and let you dangle me with this, you can go to hell. Marshall too. It had to be done. +I've given thirty years and two marriages to this agency. I've shoveled shit on four continents. I'm due to retire next year and believe me, I need my pension, but if you think I'm gonna sit here and let you dangle me with this, you can go to hell. Marshall too. It had to be done. And Bourne? Where's he now? +And Bourne? Where's he now? Dead in a ditch? Drunk in a bar in Mogadishu? Who knows? +Dead in a ditch? Drunk in a bar in Mogadishu? Who knows? I think I do. We had a deal going down in Berlin last week. During the buy, both our Field Agent and the seller were killed. We pulled a fingerprint from a timing charge that didn't go off. They were killed by Jason Bourne. +...Ivan Mevedev -- senior financial manager -- worked for one of the new Russian petroleum companies, Pecos Oil. He claimed to know where the money landed. We believe this could have only happened with help from someone inside the Agency... This... ...this is Conklin's computer. +...this is Conklin's computer. ...At the time of his death, Conklin was sitting on a personal account in the amount of seven-hundred and sixty thousand dollars. +...At the time of his death, Conklin was sitting on a personal account in the amount of seven-hundred and sixty thousand dollars. Do you know what his budget was? +Do you know what his budget was? Excuse me. +Excuse me. We were throwing money at him. Throwing it at him and asking him to keep it dark. +We were throwing money at him. Throwing it at him and asking him to keep it dark. May I finish? +May I finish? Conklin might've been a nut, but he wasn't a mole. You have me his calendar for a couple of days, I'll prove he killed Lincoln. This is supposed to be definitive? +Conklin might've been a nut, but he wasn't a mole. You have me his calendar for a couple of days, I'll prove he killed Lincoln. This is supposed to be definitive? What's definitive, is that I just lost two people in Berlin! +What's definitive, is that I just lost two people in Berlin! So what's your theory? Conklin's reaching out from the grave to protect his good name? The man is dead. +Berlin! I've already got a team there. I doubt Bourne's in Naples to settle down and raise a family. +I've already got a team there. I doubt Bourne's in Naples to settle down and raise a family. You don't know what you're getting into here. +You don't know what you're getting into here. And you do? From the moment he left Treadstone, he has killed and eluded every person that you sent to find him... +Call a Mayday into Berlin station. We need snipers, DOD, whatever they got. Snipers? Hold on -- he said he wants to come in. +Hold on -- he said he wants to come in. My ass he does. You're playing with fire, Pamela. Marshall said nail him to the wall. I don't know how you interpreted that, but I don't think he meant repatriate him. +My ass he does. You're playing with fire, Pamela. Marshall said nail him to the wall. I don't know how you interpreted that, but I don't think he meant repatriate him. Don't you want answers? +Don't you want answers? There are no answers. There's either Jason Bourne alive or Jason Bourne dead. And I for one would prefer the latter. And what about her? You just send her out to this lunatic with no protection? +So what's he doing? You believe him? It's hard to swallow. The confusion -- the amnesia -- but he keeps on killing? It's more calculated than sick. What about Nicky? She's the last one to see Bourne in Paris. She's the one he asks for. They disappear... +It's hard to swallow. The confusion -- the amnesia -- but he keeps on killing? It's more calculated than sick. What about Nicky? She's the last one to see Bourne in Paris. She's the one he asks for. They disappear... Well, whatever he's doing, I've had enough -- this is now a search and destroy mission. I want the Berlin police fully briefed and -- -- get this out to all the agencies. +Sorry to wake you. I wasn't sleeping. You OK? +What? They found Danny Zorn's body. Dead in the basement at the building where my people got hit the first time. +They found Danny Zorn's body. Dead in the basement at the building where my people got hit the first time. Oh, God... It must have been Bourne. +Oh, God... It must have been Bourne. Did he say anything to you? +Did he say anything to you? No... It must have been Bourne. +Moscow? What the Hell's he going to Moscow for? Don't know. +Don't know. Jesus... I, Zorn... I have to call his family. Tell them... +Jesus... I, Zorn... I have to call his family. Tell them... I'm sorry, Ward. +Sit down. I'd rather stand if it's all the same to you. +I'd rather stand if it's all the same to you. I don't exactly know what to say -- I'm sorry. +I don't exactly know what to say -- I'm sorry. 'Why' would be enough for me. +'Why' would be enough for me. I'm not a traitor. I've served my ountry. +I'm not a traitor. I've served my ountry. And pocketed a fair amount of change while doing it. +And pocketed a fair amount of change while doing it. Why not? It was just money. +Why not? It was just money. And Danny Zorn, what was that? +And Danny Zorn, what was that? Had to be done. +Had to be done. No good options left? +No good options left? In the end, honestly, it's hubris. Simple hubris. You reach a point in this game when the only satisfaction left is to see how clever you are. +In the end, honestly, it's hubris. Simple hubris. You reach a point in this game when the only satisfaction left is to see how clever you are. No. You lost your way. +No. You lost your way. Well, you're probably right. I guess that's all that hubris is. +Sir... Thanks. +She say what time I should call? The sooner the better. +I did my box work, but I wanted to show you before I showed Landy. I came out here last night because none of this was making any sense. I mean, I'm with you on this, Conklin was a nut, but a traitor? I just can't get there. What do you have, Danny? +What do you have, Danny? You put a four-gam Kel on here and it's gonna take out power to the building. You know that. What you can't know, is if it's gonna blow the room with it. +You put a four-gam Kel on here and it's gonna take out power to the building. You know that. What you can't know, is if it's gonna blow the room with it. And? +And? There were two charges, they were supposed to go off simultaneously. The second one, the one that didn't go off, was down here... First of all, this is nothing, it's a sub-line for the breaker above. Second, why put the charge all the way down here? If you're good enough to get in here and handle the gear, you're good enough to know you don't need this. Bourne would know. +There were two charges, they were supposed to go off simultaneously. The second one, the one that didn't go off, was down here... First of all, this is nothing, it's a sub-line for the breaker above. Second, why put the charge all the way down here? If you're good enough to get in here and handle the gear, you're good enough to know you don't need this. Bourne would know. It was staged? +It was staged? Is it a slam dunk? No, but... +Is it a slam dunk? No, but... Jesus... +Jesus... Okay. What if someone decided to cover their tracks by blaming Conklin and Bourne. What if Bourne didn't have anything to do with this? +Okay. What if someone decided to cover their tracks by blaming Conklin and Bourne. What if Bourne didn't have anything to do with this? Keep going... +Keep going... Something's been going on here in Europe. And it's still going on. Post Conklin. Who's been in Berlin? +Something's been going on here in Europe. And it's still going on. Post Conklin. Who's been in Berlin? Lots of people... +Lots of people... Including Landy... She had access to the archives. +Who else knows about this? Nobody. You. I had to tell you, right? +Nobody. You. I had to tell you, right? Show me again... +Show me again... Okay... +Sit. Can you... [The chair. Have the chair.] I speak English. +Of all the people in the world, you're the only one I have anything to offer. That's why I came here. Okay. +It's nice. Does this picture mean anything to you? Hmm? It's nothing. It's just a picture. +It's nothing. It's just a picture. No. It's because you don't know how they died. +No. It's because you don't know how they died. No, I do. +I would want to know. I would want to know that my mother didn't kill my father. I would want to know that she didn't kill herself. What? +It changes things. That knowledge. Doesn't it? Yes... +Yes... That's not what happened to your parents. +That's not what happened to your parents. Then what? +Then what? I killed them. +It was my job. My first time. Your father was supposed to be alone. But then your mother, she came out of nowhere... I had to change my plan. You understand me? You don't have to live like that anymore. Thinking that. You killed them. +They loved you. And I killed them. How... how can... how can you be here and say this? +How... how can... how can you be here and say this? I don't want you to forgive me. +It doesn't matter. Your life is hard enough. You're a liar. +You're a liar. You know I'm not. +You know I'm not. YOU'RE A LIAR! +YOU'RE A LIAR! Look at me. +I should kill you... if it's true you should die... I should kill you now! I can't let you do that either. +I can't let you do that either. Because you're afraid! +Because you're afraid! No. Because you don't want to know how it feels. +I have to go now. Is this really happening? +Is this really happening? I'm sorry. +I emptied it. Felt a little light. +Felt a little light. Drop it. +Front. Use your teeth. Sorry. Old habits. +You still should've moved. I like it here. Last time I saw you was Greece. You had a good spot. +So why didn't you kill me then? She wouldn't let me. She's the only reason you're alive. +What do you want? Conklin. +Conklin. He's dead. +Try again. Shot dead in Paris. Dead the night you walked out. +You're lying. If it's over, why are they after me? I don't know. +I don't know. Who sent you to Greece? +Who sent you to Greece? A voice. A voice from the States. Someone new. +A voice. A voice from the States. Someone new. Pamela Landy? +Pamela Landy? I don't know who that is. +I don't know who that is. What's going on in Berlin? +What's going on in Berlin? I don't know! Why would I lie? +She really did that? Told you not to kill me? I had a woman once. But after a while, what do you talk about? I mean, for us. The work. You can't tell them who you are... I did. +You called it in? I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. How long? How long do I have -- +-- car keys? -- my coat -- but we should -- +-- my coat -- but we should -- -- what? -- +-- what? -- -- take the back -- get another car -- +Where were you, Jason? In the car. Conklin up front. +Conklin up front. I'll get the book. +I'll get the book. No. There's nothing new. +No. There's nothing new. You're sure? We should still -- we should write it down. +You're sure? We should still -- we should write it down. Two years we're scribbling in a notebook -- +Two years we're scribbling in a notebook -- -- it hasn't been two years -- +-- it hasn't been two years -- -- it's always bad and it's never anything but bits and pieces anyway! You ever think that maybe it's just making it worse? You don't wonder that? +We write them down because sooner or later you're going to remember something good. I do remember something good. All the time. I remember you. +I'm trying, Marie, Okay? I worry when you get like this. +I worry when you get like this. It's just a nightmare. +It's just a nightmare. I don't mean that. I worry when you try to ignore it. +Sleep. Sleep now. I should be better by now. +I should be better by now. You are better. And I think it's not memories at all. It's just a dream you keep having over and over. +You are better. And I think it's not memories at all. It's just a dream you keep having over and over. But it ends up the same. +But it ends up the same. One day it will be different. It just takes time. We'll make new memories. You and me. +No... How? The Telegraph office. +The Telegraph office. But we were so careful. +But we were so careful. We pushed it. We got lazy. +But you're sure? He was at the campground yesterday. +He was at the campground yesterday. So... +So... It's wrong. Guy with a rental car and hundred dollar sneakers sleeps in a tent? +That's crazy. No. Not this. This is real. And he's right there... +No. Not this. This is real. And he's right there... Where -- +Where -- Back there -- at the corner -- Hyundai -- silver -- +...but you're not -- you're not sure... We can't wait to be sure. +We can't wait to be sure. I don't want to move again... I like it here. +I don't want to move again... I like it here. Look, we clear out, we get to the shack, we get safe. We hang there awhile. I'll come back. I'll check it out. But right now we can't -- +Look, we clear out, we get to the shack, we get safe. We hang there awhile. I'll come back. I'll check it out. But right now we can't -- -- where's left to go? -- +-- where's left to go? -- -- there's places -- we can't afford to be wrong! +You drive. What? +What? Switch! You drive! +Switch! You drive! -- where? - +-- where? - -- make the left -- toward the bridge -- +Jesus! -- -- is he back there? -- -- not yet -- +-- not yet -- -- it's just him? -- +-- it's just him? -- -- yeah -- one guy -- I don't think he was ready -- +-- yeah -- one guy -- I don't think he was ready -- -- hang on -- +You keep going to the shack. I'll meet you there in an hour. Where are you going? +Where are you going? I'm going to bail on the other side and wait. This bridge is the only way he can follow. +I'm going to bail on the other side and wait. This bridge is the only way he can follow. What if it's not who you think it is? +What if it's not who you think it is? If he crosses the bridge, it is. +If he crosses the bridge, it is. There must be another way! +There must be another way! I warned them, Marie. I told them to leave us alone. +I warned them, Marie. I told them to leave us alone. Jason, please don't do this...it won't ever be over like this. +Jason, please don't do this...it won't ever be over like this. There's no choice. +I love you, too. Tell me later. +I wanted to kill him. But you found another choice. +But you found another choice. I did. +I did. It wouldn't have changed the way you feel. +It wouldn't have changed the way you feel. It might have. +I know it's a dream. You do? +You do? I only dream about people who are dead. +God, I miss you. I don't know what to do without you. Jason. You know exactly what to do. That is your mission now. +See that tram coming around the corner? Yes. +Yes. Get on it. +I did... Jason, I swear, I did... I told them... I told them I believed you... Who is Pamela Landy? +Who is Pamela Landy? You hear me? I believed you. +You hear me? I believed you. IS SHE RUNNING TREADSTONE? +Why is she trying to kill me? They know! They know you were here. They know you killed these two guys. They know you and Conklin had something on the side. They don't know what it is, but they know! +How do they know that? How can they know any of that? What is this, a game? +What is this, a game? I want to hear it from you. +Say it. Last week an Agency field officer went to make a buy from a Russian national. +Last week an Agency field officer went to make a buy from a Russian national. A Russian? +A Russian? It was Pamela Landy's op. The guy was going to sell-out a mole or something. I haven't been debriefed on exactly what it was. +It was Pamela Landy's op. The guy was going to sell-out a mole or something. I haven't been debriefed on exactly what it was. Last week? When? +And you got to him before we could. I killed him??? +I killed him??? You left a print! There was Kel that didn't go off! There was a partial print, they tracked it back to Treadstone! They know it's you! +You left a print! There was Kel that didn't go off! There was a partial print, they tracked it back to Treadstone! They know it's you! I left a fingerprint! You fucking people. +What was Landy buying? What kind of files? WHAT WAS SHE BUYING? Conklin! Stuff on Conklin! +Why are you here, then? Please -- I'm only here because of Paris -- because they can't figure out what you're doing -- I'm here because of Abbott -- +Please -- I'm only here because of Paris -- because they can't figure out what you're doing -- I'm here because of Abbott -- Abbott? +Abbott? He closed down Treadstone -- he took care of me after Paris... +He closed down Treadstone -- he took care of me after Paris... So when was I here? +So when was I here? What do you mean? +What do you mean? For Treadstone. In Berlin. You know my file. I did a job here. When? +For Treadstone. In Berlin. You know my file. I did a job here. When? No. You never worked Berlin. +No. You never worked Berlin. My first job. +My first job. Your first assignment was Geneva. +Your first assignment was Geneva. That's a lie! +That's a lie! You never worked Berlin... +No... Jason... please... I was here! +I was here! ...it's not in the file... I swear... I know your file... your first job was Geneva!... I swear to God you never worked here!... +It's me. Bourne? +What do you want? I want to come in. +Okay, how do you want to do it? I want someone I know to take me in. +I want someone I know to take me in. Who? +Who? There was a girl in Paris. Part of the program. She used to handle the medication. +Okay, Jason, your move. Alexanderplatz. 30 minutes. Under the World Clock. Alone. Give her your phone. +Where am I? Ramstein Air Base, Germany. Before the wall fell you would have woken up in a Russian prison hospital. +Oh, shit... Careful... +Why am I alive? Are you disappointed? +Thank you for your gift. I'm sorry about Marie. What's that? +What's that? Do you think you can read? Are you well enough? +Don't need it. I remember everything. Sounds like a threat. +Sounds like a threat. You didn't answer my question. +You didn't answer my question. Why you're alive? You're alive because you're special. Because she kept you alive. Because we want you back on our side. +We need to get in there. I'm working on it. +-- so there were two of these explosive charges placed on the power lines. One of them failed. The fingerprint... That's from the one that didn't go off. And the Germans can't match it? +Looks like he's been detained. Who's going? Us? +Who's going? Us? There's only a Consulate, they sent a field officer out half an hour ago -- +There's only a Consulate, they sent a field officer out half an hour ago -- Then get a number, they need to know who they're dealing with. +-- Kurt's reopening all the wyfi and sat links -- -- uplink all relevant files to Kim -- -- and I want them to contact anyone who had anything to do with Treadstone -- +-- go -- take the van! -- -- the hotel -- how far? -- +Maybe he just needed a place to spend the night? I want to look at the room. Check it out. +Alright... take it down. What? +What? This stays between you and I. We finally have an edge. I don't want to lose it. +We'll know for sure when we get the security tapes. But we can relax. We tracked him. He's on a train to Moscow. +You're sure? What? The tapes? +What? The tapes? Hold on... Yep. And Abbott just direct dialed Moscow from his room... +Show me. Here? +Here? Now. Show now. +This is everything? Is there. Is there. Is all there. +-- who? -- who else is here? -- -- no! -- not me! -- no other people! -- +-- no! -- not me! -- no other people! -- -- shut up! -- just shut the -- +I'm here. So is Donnie and Jack Weller. We understand you're using the full allocation for this buy? That's where we came out. +That's where we came out. It's a lot of money, Pam. +It's a lot of money, Pam. We're talking raw, unprocessed KGB files. It's not something we can go out and comparison shop. +We're talking raw, unprocessed KGB files. It's not something we can go out and comparison shop. Still... +Still... For a thief. A mole. I vetted the source, Marty. He's real. If it does nothing more than narrow the list of suspects, it's a bargain at ten times the price. +Okay, cut to the chase, Pam. What are you selling? I think that Bourne and Conklin were in business. That Bourne is still involved. And that whatever information I was going to buy in Berlin, it was big enough to make Bourne come out from wherever he's been hiding to kill again. How's that scan? +Mr. Nevins? Who's this? +Who's this? Pamela Landy, again. Where do we stand? +How long have you worked for the agency? Me? Four years. +Me? Four years. If you ever want to make it to five, you're gonna listen to me real close. Jason Bourne is armed and extremely dangerous. A week ago, he assassinated two men in Berlin, one of whom was a highly-experienced field officer... +I want that area secured, I want any evidence secured and I want it done now. Is that clear?? Yes, sir -- ma'am... +Yes, sir -- ma'am... I'm getting on a plane to Berlin in 45 minutes, which means you are going to call me back in 30, and when I ask you where we stand, I had better be impressed. My mobile number is... +What kind of problems? Depression. Anger. Compulsive behaviors. They had physical symptoms -- headaches -- sensitivity to light -- +Depression. Anger. Compulsive behaviors. They had physical symptoms -- headaches -- sensitivity to light -- Amnesia? +Amnesia? Before this? Before Bourne? No. +Good luck. You were his local contact. You were with him the night Conklin died. You're coming with us. +I'm curious about Bourne. Your interpretation of his condition. You have specific training in the identification and diagnosis of psychological conditions? Am I a doctor, no, but... +Am I a doctor, no, but... Are you an expert in amnesia? +Are you an expert in amnesia? Look, what do you want me to say? I was there. I believed him. +Look, what do you want me to say? I was there. I believed him. Believed what? +Believed what? I believed Jason Bourne had suffered a severe traumatic breakdown. +I believed Jason Bourne had suffered a severe traumatic breakdown. So he fooled you. +So he fooled you. If you say so. +If you say so. Not good enough. You're the person who floated this amnesia story. Ever feel sorry for him? For what he'd been through? +Not good enough. You're the person who floated this amnesia story. Ever feel sorry for him? For what he'd been through? You're making it out like we're friends here or something. I met him alone twice. +You're making it out like we're friends here or something. I met him alone twice. You felt nothing? No spark? Two young people in Paris? Dangerous missions? Life and death? +You felt nothing? No spark? Two young people in Paris? Dangerous missions? Life and death? You mean, did I want a date? +You mean, did I want a date? Did you? +Did you? These were killers. Conklin had them all jacked up. They were Dobermans. +These were killers. Conklin had them all jacked up. They were Dobermans. Some women like Dobermans -- +Some women like Dobermans -- What do you want from me? I was reassigned. I'm out. +What do you want from me? I was reassigned. I'm out. See, that's a problem for me, Nicky. Whatever he's doing, we need to end it. This isn't the kind of mess you walk away from. +I don't think we need to keep looking for him anyway. And why is that? +And why is that? Because he's doing just what he said he'd do. He's coming for us. +Is it fresh? It's got caffeine in it. That's all I know. +What do you think? Is he coming in? I don't know. He was sick. He wanted out. I believed him. +I don't know. He was sick. He wanted out. I believed him. Alright... +Let's give him half an hour. So? +So? Felt promising. It's a start. +Do we know what this says? Yup... The main word there, the file heading, translates as: Treadstone. +Yup... The main word there, the file heading, translates as: Treadstone. "What the hell is a ""Treadstone?""" +Anything? No. Munich's a bust. He's loose. +No. Munich's a bust. He's loose. Are we locked up? +Black coat, possibly leather. Dark slacks. Dark t-shirt. He says they're gonna try and corral the guests on the street over there, and then check them out, but... Yeah, that'll work...What the hell was he doing here? +Here's what I've got. Remember Vladimir Neski? Russian politician? Seven years ago, he was due to speak to a group of European Oil ministers here at the hotel. He never did. He was murdered. By who? +By who? His wife. In room 645. Then she shot herself. +His wife. In room 645. Then she shot herself. Alright... I want you, Kurt and Kim to stay on Bourne, track everything that's out there... +We're looking at all Berlin outbound. Good news is, every train station in Berlin has thirty to forty fixed, digital security cameras. Common feed. Are we hacking or asking? +Are we hacking or asking? Yes. In that order. +Yes. In that order. And what about you, anything? +Someone dead from this household? We just had a funeral, isn't that what it means in England as well? +We just had a funeral, isn't that what it means in England as well? What it means in England -- and in Scotland too -- is that rebels have forfeited their lands. We were ambushed last night. But the Scots dragged their dead away. +What it means in England -- and in Scotland too -- is that rebels have forfeited their lands. We were ambushed last night. But the Scots dragged their dead away. My brother and nephew perished two days ago, when their hay cart turned over. +My brother and nephew perished two days ago, when their hay cart turned over. Then we'll just have a peek at the wounds. Dig 'em up! +Then we'll just have a peek at the wounds. Dig 'em up! They've been sanctified and buried in the holy rites of God's church, and any hand that disturbs them now takes on eternal damnation. So please -- do it. +We'll sleep here tonight. You'll come home with me. We'll let the house, and the lands too; plenty of willing neighbors. I don't want to leave. +I don't want to leave. Didn't want your father to die either, did ya? But it happened. +Did the priest say anything about the Resurrection? Or was it all about Judgment? It was in Latin, sir. +It was in Latin, sir. Non loquis Latinum? You don't speak Latin? We have to fix that, won't we? Did he give the poetic benediction? The Lord bless thee and keep thee? Patris Benefactum et -- ...It was Malcolm's favorite. +What are they doing? Saying goodbye in their own way -- in outlawed tartans, with outlawed pipes, playing outlawed tunes. +But... what will you do? I will invade England. And defeat the English on their own ground. +I will invade England. And defeat the English on their own ground. Invade?! That's impossible, it -- +A thousand. You have made me Guardian of Scotland. So I tell you this is what we face. We must sue for peace. +We must sue for peace. Peace?! +Peace?! We cannot defeat this -- +We cannot defeat this -- With cavalry -- not heavy, like the English, but light, fast horsemen, like you nobles employ -- we could outmaneuver their bowmen! +With cavalry -- not heavy, like the English, but light, fast horsemen, like you nobles employ -- we could outmaneuver their bowmen! It is suicide. +Sir William. We come to seek a meeting. You've all sworn to Longshanks. +You've all sworn to Longshanks. An oath to a liar is no oath at all. An oath to a patriot is a vow indeed. Every man of us is ready to swear loyalty to you. +An oath to a liar is no oath at all. An oath to a patriot is a vow indeed. Every man of us is ready to swear loyalty to you. So let the council swear publicly. +So let the council swear publicly. We cannot. Some scarcely believe you are alive. Other think you'll pay them Mornay's wages. We bid you to Edinburgh. Meet us at the city gates, two days from now, at sunset. Pledge us your pardon and we will unite behind you. Scotland will be one. +I will meet you, but only one way -- if Robert the Bruce is there, and puts his hand on my Bible, and swears his loyalty to Scotland. He has already agreed to come. +Young Robert, we are honored -- My father hears that Longshanks has granted prima noctes. +My father hears that Longshanks has granted prima noctes. Clearly meant to draw more of his supporters here. +A wise plan. And how is your father? We have missed him at the council. He strained his leg so that it pains him to ride. But he sends his greetings -- and says that I speak for all the Bruces. And for Scotland. +Does anyone know his politics? No. But his weight with the commoners could unbalance everything. The Balliols will kiss his ass, so we must. +May he rest in peace... You have already sealed the coffin? He was a modest man. +He was a modest man. It will not be long before Longshanks too is encased in stone, and his crowns divided for others to wear. +If I pay homage to another's throne, then how am I a king? Homage is nothing. It is the crown that matters! +Homage is nothing. It is the crown that matters! The crown is that of Scotland. And Scotland is William Wallace. +The crown is that of Scotland. And Scotland is William Wallace. That is another matter. There is a price to all this, required both by Longshanks and our nobles. Pay it, and you will be our king. And we will have peace. +He won't come. He will. I know he will. +Longshanks promised! You are surprised he would lie? Balliol was murdered in a church yesterday. You are Longshanks' new designate. You will be king. +Scottish rebels have routed Lord Bottoms! I hear. This Wallace is a bandit, nothing more. +What news of the north? Nothing new, Majesty. We have sent riders to speed any word. +Nothing new, Majesty. We have sent riders to speed any word. While I am in France fighting to expand your future kingdom I learn that Stirling castle is lost, our entire northern army wiped out! And you have done nothing?! +While I am in France fighting to expand your future kingdom I learn that Stirling castle is lost, our entire northern army wiped out! And you have done nothing?! I have ordered conscriptions... +Wallace has sacked York! Impossible. How dare you bring a panicky lie. +The weapon has been outlawed by the Pope himself! So the Scots will have none of them, will they? My armorers have already made a thousand. +Now we kill two birds at one stroke. We recruit from Scotland for our armies in France. The Scots will fight for us? +The Scots will fight for us? What choice do they have? Now they must serve us or starve. +What choice do they have? Now they must serve us or starve. But if we have not caught Wallace -- +But if we have not caught Wallace -- He is gone! Finished! Dead! If he has not yet bled to death or had his throat cut for him, he will not survive the winter. It is very cold -- is it not, our flower? +His legend grows! It will be worse than before! You let Wallace escape your whole army. You cannot blame me for this. +What is it?! You directed me to report to you the moment the king's conference was ended. +You directed me to report to you the moment the king's conference was ended. So I did! And what was so important about it? +So I did! And what was so important about it? Scotland. He intends -- +Shut up, would you! How can I concentrate?! ...His majesty was quite keen that you should understand -- +...His majesty was quite keen that you should understand -- All so very boring! He wants me to learn to fight too, so let me do it! +No, M'lord. Look at me. I said LOOK AT ME! +Now, my flower, do you understand? Yes. I had thought that... I was loathsome to you. Perhaps I am. If I may be excused, M'lord. +Yes. I had thought that... I was loathsome to you. Perhaps I am. If I may be excused, M'lord. You may. +Good day to you, M'Lords. You mock us with a smile? +You mock us with a smile? I am cheerful with a plan to soothe your miseries. All of England shudders with the news of renewed rebellion. +I am cheerful with a plan to soothe your miseries. All of England shudders with the news of renewed rebellion. Wallace's followers. +Wallace's followers. Wallace himself. If you wish to pretend a ghost rallies new volunteers in every Scottish town, I leave you to your hauntings. If you wish to take him, I know a way. +The little cow is insane -- Grant, as you do everything else, with treachery. Offer him a truce to discuss terms, and send me to my castle at Locharmbie as your emissary. He trusts me. Pick thirty of your finest assassins for me to take along. And I will set the meeting, and the ambush. +Is it true? Wallace is captured? Simply because he eluded your trap, do you think he is more than a man? My father is dying. Perhaps you should think of our coronation. +Simply because he eluded your trap, do you think he is more than a man? My father is dying. Perhaps you should think of our coronation. When will his trial be? +When will his trial be? Wallace's? For treason there is no trial. Tomorrow he will be charged, then executed. +I have come to beg for the life of William Wallace. You fancy him. +You fancy him. I respect him. At worst he was a worthy enemy. Show mercy... Oh thou great king... and win the respect of your own people. +Nor you. To you that word is as unfamiliar as love. Before he lost his powers of speech, he told me his one comfort was that he would live to know Wallace was dead. +I'll wait... back there. Hamish, I... thank... +We make spears. A hundred spears. Fourteen feet long. Fourteen? -- +The Bruce is not coming, William. Mornay has come. So will the Bruce. +Stephen ready? Aye. +Thanks for the food and drink. And for bringing 'em yourselves. We're here to stay. We don't care to live, if we can't fight beside ya. +Rest, William. I rest. +I rest. Your rest is making me exhausted. +You know it's a trap. Probably. But we can't win alone. We know that. This is the only way. +Probably. But we can't win alone. We know that. This is the only way. I don't want to be a martyr. +I don't want to be a martyr. Nor I! I want to live! I want a home and children and peace. I've asked god for those things. But He's brought me this sword. And if He wills that I must lay it down to have what He wants for my country, then I'll do that too. +Nor I! I want to live! I want a home and children and peace. I've asked god for those things. But He's brought me this sword. And if He wills that I must lay it down to have what He wants for my country, then I'll do that too. That's just a dream, William! +That's just a dream, William! We've lived a dream together. A dream of freedom! +We've lived a dream together. A dream of freedom! Your dreams aren't about freedom! They're about Marion! You have to be a hero, because you think she sees you! Is that it? +Your dreams aren't about freedom! They're about Marion! You have to be a hero, because you think she sees you! Is that it? My dreams of Marion are gone. I killed them myself. If I knew I could live with her on the other side of death, I'd welcome it. +Keep these. We're going too. No. One of us is enough. +They're coming! How many? +How many? Three, maybe more! +Three, maybe more! Armed? +Armed? They're English soldiers, ain't they? +They're English soldiers, ain't they? With your father and brother gone, they'll kill us and burn the farm! +With your father and brother gone, they'll kill us and burn the farm! It's up to us, Hamish! +Wanna stay with me tonight? I wanna have supper waitin'. +I wanna have supper waitin'. We'll get those English pigs tomorrow. +We'll get those English pigs tomorrow. Aye, we'll get 'em. +Test of manhood. You win. +You win. Call it a test of soldiery, then. The English won't let us train with weapons, so we train with stones. +Call it a test of soldiery, then. The English won't let us train with weapons, so we train with stones. The test of a soldier is not in his arm. It's here. +I still say this is no test. A catapult can throw a stone farther than a man can. That depends on the man. +Can you do it when it matters? As it matters in battle? Could you crush a man with that throw? I could crush you like a roach. +You'll move I will not. +Good to see you again. I should'a remembered the eggs. +All right, Father, I'll ask him! If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen? Is your Poppa a ghost -- or do you converse with God Almighty? +Is your Poppa a ghost -- or do you converse with God Almighty? In order to find his equal, and Irishman is forced to talk to God. Yes, Father!... The Almighty says don't change the subject, just answer the fookin' question. +Excellent! Stephen is my name. I'm the most wanted man on the Emerald Isle. Except I'm not on the Emerald Isle of course, more's the pity. A common thief. +A common thief. A patriot! +We must run in different directions! We don't split up! +We don't split up! They used hounds on us in Ireland, it's the only way! +I am the one who is rotting. But I think your face looks graver than mine. He was so brave. With courage alone he nearly won. +He was so brave. With courage alone he nearly won. So more men were slaughtered uselessly! +So more men were slaughtered uselessly! He broke because of me. I saw it. He lost all will to fight. +He broke because of me. I saw it. He lost all will to fight. We must have alliance with England to prevail here. You achieved that! You saved your family, increased your lands! In time you will have all the power in Scotland!... Yet you grieve. +We must have alliance with England to prevail here. You achieved that! You saved your family, increased your lands! In time you will have all the power in Scotland!... Yet you grieve. In my heart I had begun to hope that he would never break. +In my heart I had begun to hope that he would never break. All men lose heart. All betray. It is exactly why we must make the choices we make. +Where is my son? Your pardon, M'lord, he asked me to come in his stead. +I sent for him -- and the little coward send you?! Shall I leave, M'lord? +Shall I leave, M'lord? If he wants his queen to rule, then you stay and learn how! I will deal with him. +My son's loyal wife returns, unkilled by the heathen. So he accepted our bribe. No. He did not. +No. He did not. Then why does he stay? My scouts say he has not advanced. +Then why does he stay? My scouts say he has not advanced. He waits. For you. He says he will attack no more towns -- if you are man enough to come fight him. +He waits. For you. He says he will attack no more towns -- if you are man enough to come fight him. You spoke with this Wallace in private. What kind of man is he? +You spoke with this Wallace in private. What kind of man is he? ...A mindless barbarian. Not a king like you, M'lord. +...A mindless barbarian. Not a king like you, M'lord. The Scottish nobles have sent him no support. His army starves. Our stall has worked, he must withdraw. You may return to your embroidery. +The Scottish nobles have sent him no support. His army starves. Our stall has worked, he must withdraw. You may return to your embroidery. Humbly, M'lord. +No. I have it to ease the suffering of the children of this war. This is what happens when you must send a woman. And a fool. +This is what happens when you must send a woman. And a fool. Forgive me, Sire. I thought that generosity might demonstrate your greatness to those you mean to rule. +Forgive me, Sire. I thought that generosity might demonstrate your greatness to those you mean to rule. My greatness is better demonstrated with this. +I have faced him. Have you? Let her speak. +Let her speak. He will fight you forever. But what does he fight for? Freedom first, and peace. So grant them. +Treason. Against whom? Against thy king, thou vile fool! Hast thou anything to say? +Against thy king, thou vile fool! Hast thou anything to say? Never, in my whole life, did I swear allegiance to your king -- +Never, in my whole life, did I swear allegiance to your king -- It matters not, he is thy king! +It matters not, he is thy king! -- while many who serve him have taken and broken his oath many times. I cannot commit treason, if I have never been his subject! +-- while many who serve him have taken and broken his oath many times. I cannot commit treason, if I have never been his subject! Confess, and you may receive a quick death. Deny, and you must be purified by pain. Do you confess? ...DO YOU CONFESS?! +Confess, and you may receive a quick death. Deny, and you must be purified by pain. Do you confess? ...DO YOU CONFESS?! I do not confess. +I do not confess. Then on the morrow, thou shalt receive they purification... And in the end, I promise you'll beg for the axe. +Your father doesn't like me, does he? It's not you. He dislikes that you're a Wallace. He just says... the Wallaces don't seem to live for very long. +It's not you. He dislikes that you're a Wallace. He just says... the Wallaces don't seem to live for very long. Thank you for accepting. +Thank you for accepting. Thank you for inviting. +Thank you for inviting. I'll invite you again, but your mother thinks I'm crazy. +I'll invite you again, but your mother thinks I'm crazy. You are. And I'll come again. +You've been here before? Some nights. I have dreams. Mostly dreams I don't want. I started riding at night to fill up my mind so that when I did sleep I'd dream only of the ride and the adventure. +Some nights. I have dreams. Mostly dreams I don't want. I started riding at night to fill up my mind so that when I did sleep I'd dream only of the ride and the adventure. Did it work? +Did it work? No. You don't choose your dreams. Your dreams choose you. +I want... to marry you! I... accept your proposal! +I... accept your proposal! I'm not just saying it! +I'm not just saying it! Nor I! +Nor I! But I won't give you up to any nobleman. +But I won't give you up to any nobleman. You scare me. +You scare me. I don't want to scare you. I want to be yours, and you mine. Every night like this one. +I don't want to scare you. I want to be yours, and you mine. Every night like this one. This night is too beautiful to have again. +This night is too beautiful to have again. I will be with you, like this. Forever. +I've missed you. Shush. It's only been a day. And it's seemed like forever. +Shush. It's only been a day. And it's seemed like forever. Tonight then. +Tonight then. My parents are growing suspicious! I can't keep meeting you every night! +Then when? ...Tonight! +I'm dreaming. Yes, you are. And you must wake. +Yes, you are. And you must wake. I don't want to wake. I want to stay with you. +I don't want to wake. I want to stay with you. And I with you. But you must wake. +And I with you. But you must wake. I need you so much! I love you! +I need you so much! I love you! Wake up, William. Wake up! +When the king returns he will bury them in those new clothes. Scotland is in chaos. Your husband is secretly sending an army north. How do you know this? +How do you know this? Last night I slept with a member of the War Council. +Last night I slept with a member of the War Council. He shouldn't be telling secrets in bed. +He shouldn't be telling secrets in bed. Ah, Oui! Englishmen don't know what a tongue is for. +This Scottish rebel... Wallace? He fights to avenge a woman? A magistrate wished to capture him, and found he had a secret lover, so he cut the girl's throat to tempt Wallace to fight -- and fight he did. +Knowing his passion for his lost love, they next plotted to take him by desecrating the graves of his father and brother and setting an ambush at the grave of his wife. He fought his way through the trap and carried her body to a secret place! Now that is romance, Oui? ...I wouldn't know. +I am the Princess of Wales. Wife of Edward, the king's son? +I come as the king's servant, and with his authority. It's battle I want, not talk. +It's battle I want, not talk. But now that I am here, will you speak with a woman? +I understand that you have recently been given the rank of knight. I have been given nothing. God makes men what they are. +I have been given nothing. God makes men what they are. Did God make you the sacker of peaceful cities? The executioner of the king's nephew, my husband's own cousin? +Did God make you the sacker of peaceful cities? The executioner of the king's nephew, my husband's own cousin? York was the staging point for every invasion of my country. And that royal cousin hanged a hundred Scots, even women and children, from the city walls. +York was the staging point for every invasion of my country. And that royal cousin hanged a hundred Scots, even women and children, from the city walls. That is not possible. +Let us talk plainly. You invade England. But you cannot complete the conquest, so far from your shelter and supply. The King proposes that you withdraw your attack. In return he grants you title, estates, and this chest with a thousand pounds of gold, which I am to pay to you personally. A Lordship. And gold. That I should become Judas. +A Lordship. And gold. That I should become Judas. Peace is made is such ways. +Peace is made is such ways. SLAVES ARE MADE IN SUCH WAYS! +I understand you have suffered. I know... about your woman. She was my wife. We married in secret because I would not share her with an English lord. They killed her to get to me. And she was pregnant. +A meeting in a barn. It had to be a trap. And only you would know I would be aware of it. It does me good to see you. +Why did you? Because of the way you're looking at me now. The same way... as when we met. +You have... you have a husband. I have taken vows. More than one. I've vowed faithfulness to my husband, and sworn to give him a son. And I cannot keep both promises. +You understand. Consider, before you laugh and say no. You will never own a throne, though you deserve one. But just as the sun will rise tomorrow, some man will rule England. And what if his veins ran not with the blood of Longshanks, but with that of a true king? I cannot love you for the sake of revenge. +I cannot love you for the sake of revenge. No. But can you love me for the sake of all you loved and lost? Or simply love me... because I love you? +M'lady... what kindness of you to visit a stranger. Sir, I... come to beg you to confess all, and swear allegiance to the king, that he might show you mercy. +Sir, I... come to beg you to confess all, and swear allegiance to the king, that he might show you mercy. Will he show mercy to my country? Will he take back his soldiers, and let us rule ourselves? +Will he show mercy to my country? Will he take back his soldiers, and let us rule ourselves? Mercy... is to die quickly. Perhaps even live in the Tower. In time, who knows what can happen, if you can only live. +Mercy... is to die quickly. Perhaps even live in the Tower. In time, who knows what can happen, if you can only live. If I swear to him, then everything I am is dead already. +You will die! It will be awful! Every man dies. Not every man really lives. +Drink this! It will dull your pain. It will numb my wits, and I must have them all. If I'm senseless, or if I wail, then Longshanks will have broken me. +It will numb my wits, and I must have them all. If I'm senseless, or if I wail, then Longshanks will have broken me. I can't bear the thought of your torture. Take it! +Wait! ...I respect what you said. But remember, these men have lands, castles. Much to risk. And the common man who bleeds on the battlefield, does he risk less? +And the common man who bleeds on the battlefield, does he risk less? No. But from top to bottom this country has no sense of itself. Its nobles share allegiance with England and its clans war with each other. If you make enemies on both sides of the border, you'll end up dead. +No. But from top to bottom this country has no sense of itself. Its nobles share allegiance with England and its clans war with each other. If you make enemies on both sides of the border, you'll end up dead. We all end up dead. It's only a question of how. And why. +I'm no coward! I want what you want! But we need the nobles. Nobles? What does that mean -- to be noble? Your title gives you claim to the throne of our country. But men don't follow titles, they follow courage! Your arm speaks louder than your tongue. Our people know you. Noble and common, they respect you. If you would lead them toward freedom, they would follow you. And so would I. +War finds me willing. I know it won't bring back all I have lost. But it can bring what none of us have ever had -- a country of our own. For that we need a king. We need you. I am trying. +I am trying. Then tell me what a king is! Is he a man who believes only what others believe? Is he one who calculates the numbers for and against him but never weighs the strength in your own heart? There is strength in you. I see it. I know it. +Then tell me what a king is! Is he a man who believes only what others believe? Is he one who calculates the numbers for and against him but never weighs the strength in your own heart? There is strength in you. I see it. I know it. I must... consult with my father. +I must... consult with my father. And I will consult with mine. +We can't stop! They've tricked us. +They've tricked us. What's the crazy man saying, Lord? +What's the crazy man saying, Lord? The dogs have a scent. My scent. Someone must have given it to them. +The dogs have a scent. My scent. Someone must have given it to them. Who would do such a thing? +Who would do such a thing? Exactly. +I thought I was dead when ya pulled that dagger! No English lord would trust an Irishman! +Fine speech. Now what do we do? Bring out our spearmen and set them in the field. +Come, it'll help you sleep. Aye. But it won't let me dream. +Mrs. Treborn! I need to speak with you! I'm sorry, but can it wait til tonight? I'm already late for work -- +I was going to show this to the principal, but I wanted to talk to you first. What is it? +What is it? Yesterday I had all the children draw pictures of what they wanted to be when they grew up. Most of them made drawings of what their parents did, but this... +Thank you for showing it to me first. I'll... I'll take care of it. Can I have the picture? Of course. There is one more thing, Mrs. Treborn. And I feel bad for mentioning it... +Of course. There is one more thing, Mrs. Treborn. And I feel bad for mentioning it... What? +What? When I asked Evan about his drawing, well, he didn't remember doing it. +And you say he doesn't remember any of it? Not according to his teacher. It just got me thinking about Jason and what if Evan's inherited his father's condition? +Not according to his teacher. It just got me thinking about Jason and what if Evan's inherited his father's condition? Hold it, hold it, Andrea. Let's not jump to conclusions. I'll run some preliminary tests, see what we can rule out. +Just tell me that Evan doesn't have Jason's illness... Look, Andrea, I'm sure he'll test negative for brain disorders. But there's something else you can try to monitor his memory. +Look, Andrea, I'm sure he'll test negative for brain disorders. But there's something else you can try to monitor his memory. Anything. +Anything. A journal. Just have him write down everything he does. +A journal. Just have him write down everything he does. Why? What for? +Why? What for? It could be extremely useful to jog his memory. See if he remembers anything new the next day. And I'll have the test results back in a few days. +Well, the good news is that the results are negative. I've found no evidence in the way of lesions, hemorrhaging, tumors... And the bad news? +And the bad news? Unfortunately, we've got nothing to work with. It's harder playing detective now. +Unfortunately, we've got nothing to work with. It's harder playing detective now. But you must have something to go on? +But you must have something to go on? If I had to guess, I'd say the blackouts are stress related. +If I had to guess, I'd say the blackouts are stress related. But he's seven. What kind of stress can he have? +But he's seven. What kind of stress can he have? Plenty. Who knows? Maybe he's got severe coping problems about not having a father. Did you say the last blackout occurred when he was with his friend's dad. +Plenty. Who knows? Maybe he's got severe coping problems about not having a father. Did you say the last blackout occurred when he was with his friend's dad. Come on, I doubt the answer's that simple. +Come on, I doubt the answer's that simple. You'd be surprised how often they are. +You'd be surprised how often they are. Well, he has been pushing me to meet his father, but I've been putting it off. +Well, he has been pushing me to meet his father, but I've been putting it off. It's worth a shot. I can arrange a controlled meeting. A careful dose of sedatives for Jason, some security, you and I monitoring. Evan comes in for a quick visit and with any luck, no more missing father complex. +It's worth a shot. I can arrange a controlled meeting. A careful dose of sedatives for Jason, some security, you and I monitoring. Evan comes in for a quick visit and with any luck, no more missing father complex. How soon?... +Evan wake up, oh please wake up! Nine, ten. And you're awake! Open your eyes, dammit! +Actually, these tests weren't available twenty years ago. So what did you find. +No dances, just tell me. The hemorrhaging... the neural damage is irreparable. I'm frankly surprised he still has use of his motor functions. +We're gonna be late again. When did you ever care about getting to school on time? +When did you ever care about getting to school on time? We're putting up pictures for Parent's Night. +Righty-tighty, lefty-lucy. Thanks. Don't worry Evan, you'll have plenty of time. +Darn it! Um... can dad come this time? +Um... can dad come this time? You know the answer to that. +You know the answer to that. Can't he come out for one day? +Can't he come out for one day? We've been over this a hundred times. It's too dangerous for him. +We've been over this a hundred times. It's too dangerous for him. But Lenny said that his dad's coming... and Tommy and Kayleigh's dad... +All the dads are gonna be there. I get the point, kiddo. But I'm not so bad, am I? +I get the point, kiddo. But I'm not so bad, am I? No. +No. Good. Because I've been waiting to see your art projects all week and I'd feel terrible if all you thought about was your father not being there. +I don't like this place, Mom. It's creepy. Please can we go? I promise I won't make any more bad pictures! You'll be fine. Dr. Redfield just wants to give you some tests. You'll like him. +That's why I wanted you to come here, Evan. Dr. Redfield already has a background in memory loss. My father has a bad memory, too? +These'll bring you luck, Crockett. Great. I'll see you soon. +What happened? Honey. What were you doing with that? +Honey. What were you doing with that? I... I don't remember. +Now your father may seem sleepy to you, but that's just because of his medicine, okay? Okay. +I don't know... I don't remember. Something must've happened! What set him off? +Something must've happened! What set him off? I... I blacked out. +I... I blacked out. Don't try to use your blackouts to get out of this one! +Please, mom. People will talk. I can't help it. I'm just so proud of you. You've got the highest grades in all of your classes. +I can't help it. I'm just so proud of you. You've got the highest grades in all of your classes. Did Da -- Jason --- get good grades? +Did Da -- Jason --- get good grades? Please. He got straight A's without ever touching a book. That was the one area where his memory never failed him. +Please. He got straight A's without ever touching a book. That was the one area where his memory never failed him. Ma? Did he ever say that he figured out a way to recall a lost memory years after he blacked it out for the first time? +Why do you ask? No, it's just weird with him being such a brain and all, I just wondered if he was ever able to remember stuff he'd forgotten. +No, it's just weird with him being such a brain and all, I just wondered if he was ever able to remember stuff he'd forgotten. When he was around your age... almost exactly your age. He said he figured out a trick to remember the past. +I couldn't tell if they were real memories or just phantoms. You know, he might only have thought he actually remembered them... Sure... +Sure... And then, just before it got so bad that he had to be committed, he said that he could... +And then, just before it got so bad that he had to be committed, he said that he could... What? What could he do? +...I spoke to your new lawyer about the appeal. He's sure he can get you off on self-defense, so if you're patient. How long will I be in here? +How long will I be in here? I don't know. These things take time. +I don't know. These things take time. How's Kayleigh doing? She all right? +I found these. The others are still in storage. Damn it, Mom. I told you I need them all! +Damn it, Mom. I told you I need them all! Fine. You'll get them, Evan. But I think it's far more important to focus on your case right now. +Okay, doc. What's the damage? How much time have I got? Cute, Evan. +What does that mean for Evan? He's saying it's like forty years worth of new memories have been jammed in my brain since last year. Overload city. 'Sat about the gist of it, doc? +There must be a way to fix this. Fix? +Fix? I just need the entry about the blockbuster. Wait, shit, no arms. I never even got the chance to write it. +You're. Acting. Like your father. Come on, Mom. Just 'cause Dad was my age when he started going crazy doesn't mean that I'm nuts. +How. Did you. Know that? You told me that on Parents' Weekend. Remember? Wait, that wasn't me. Or you. +Just. Like. Jason. Don't worry. I'm gonna get you out of here. +Best not bitch up. Wind up someone's luggage that way. Can you protect me? +Can you protect me? Jesus himself couldn't make me take on the Brotherhood. When they come, just put your mind in another place, man. Be somewhere else. +"You're religious Carlos, you believe that bit about ""the Lord works in mysterious ways?""" Straight up. +Straight up. Because I think he sent me to your cell on purpose. For you to help me. +Because I think he sent me to your cell on purpose. For you to help me. Shit. I knew you were crazy. +Shit. I knew you were crazy. I ain't bullshitting. Jesus speaks to me in my dreams. +So when I'm out, I need you to watch my face and hands closely. You need to see the prison shrink, man. +Just tell me if anything weird happens. Weirder than this? +Weirder than this? Marks, scars, I dunno. Anything could happen I guess. +What did you see? What did it look like? Signs of the Lord. They just appeared out of nowhere. I thought you were loco! +Signs of the Lord. They just appeared out of nowhere. I thought you were loco! So you believe me? +Hello, Evan. It's very nice to meet you. He's as handsome as his father. You know my father? +Dad lives here? Not in this wing, actually. No. +Now I want you to go back to the time you were in the woods with Lenny. Think of it like a movie. You can pause, rewind, or slow down any details you wish. Understand? Yes. +Yes. Where are you now? +Where are you now? I'm standing next to Kayleigh, my hands are over her ears. +I'm standing next to Kayleigh, my hands are over her ears. Are you hurting her? +Are you hurting her? No, protecting her. +Okay. Then go a little forward in time. What do you see now? I see a car. +Go on. Nothing can hurt you. Remember, this is only a movie. You're completely safe. I can't... the car vanishes and all of a sudden I'm on the ground in the woods. +I can't... the car vanishes and all of a sudden I'm on the ground in the woods. The car doesn't vanish Evan. The movie in your head has broken, that's all. But now I've re-spliced it and I want you to tell me about the car. +The car doesn't vanish Evan. The movie in your head has broken, that's all. But now I've re-spliced it and I want you to tell me about the car. It's coming... argh! I can't! +It's a little complicated. I haven't seen results exactly like these before. Are you sure? Not even with my father? +This is where we're finding most of the hemorrhaging. The outer lining of the cerebral cortex. Lemme guess. Would that be where the memories are stored? +Hey, Evan. What's the big rush? We don't meet for another hour. Where are my goddamn books? +Where are my goddamn books? Books? +Books? My journals! Where are they? +Think Evan. You've invented a disease that doesn't exist. Alternate universes with colleges, prisons, paraplegia... But I... I need those books. +But I... I need those books. You remind me of your father. He always screamed for a photo album even though he never had one. +You remind me of your father. He always screamed for a photo album even though he never had one. Photos? +Get dressed, Thumper, you're taking me out for my birthday. I thought you were a December baby. +I thought you were a December baby. This is bigger. Seven years to the day. No blackouts. +It's an experiment with flatworms and a maze. You take a flatworm and run it through the maze until he's memorized it. Then you put a new flatworm in the maze. He's clueless. Banging into walls, getting lost, whatever. Like Ozzy. +Just by absorbing the first worm into its cellular structure, it gets all of the worm's memories. That's probably why Hannibal Lecter's so smart. +You really think he wanted to kill you? All I know is that I might be able to unblock some of my repressed memories. +I never wanted to be in the movie anyway and it was cold so I wanted to wear my clothes but Mr. Miller took his shirt off -- What the fuck are you doing? +What the fuck are you doing? Shhh! I need quiet for this. +Are you stupid or what? What? +What? Shucks, I dunno. But maybe there's a reason why you've repressed the one day when some old lecher had you in your tighty whities, dammit! +Whasamatter? Lost your Rolex? Huh? +Huh? Fuck off, frat boy. +Get out. Both of you. Sorry, dude. Just figured it'd be okay with you bein' sick and all. +We should go soon. If Dad catches us smoking down here, we're dead. So let's go. This place creeps me out. +Oh God... what did we do? Shit, Lenny. What's happened to you! We've gotta get help! +I'm sorry Kayleigh. This was a bad idea. You really don't remember anything that happened? +Ouch. I'm sorry. +It's not your fault. Mrs. Kagan called dad and blamed us for what happened to Lenny. Damn. Your dad did this? +I deserve a lot worse. What are you talking about? What you deserve is a better brother and father. All they do is make you feel like shit. +I can't believe Tommy's still pissed at me. He knows I'm moving away, right? He's been acting real strange lately. He won't even look me in the eyes anymore. +He's been acting real strange lately. He won't even look me in the eyes anymore. Duck, here they come. +Did your mom say if Lenny was... okay? He must be. They're letting him go, right? +Welcome home. Thought you might like some fresh air for a change. Hi, Lenny. +God, Evan! I never thought I'd see you again. How've you been? Oh, comme si, comme ca, you know... +Oh, comme si, comme ca, you know... No, Evan. I don't know. It's been a long time. Fill me in. +No, Evan. I don't know. It's been a long time. Fill me in. I'm going to State now. Things are going okay. I guess. Mom's good... +Not since we were kids. I've stopped a hundred times. +I've stopped a hundred times. So how's Tommy? +So how's Tommy? They kept him in juvy for a few years. Now he works over at Dale's Autobody. +No. I emancipated myself when I was fifteen. Wow. That must've taken some courage. +Wow. That must've taken some courage. Not if you remember my dad. +Not if you remember my dad. Couldn't you have moved in with your mom? +Couldn't you have moved in with your mom? She had a new family. Not enough space for me. Said I should have moved in with her when we were kids. But... whatever. +Actually, Kayleigh, the reason I came back to town was to talk to you. Me? Are you kidding? Why? +Me? Are you kidding? Why? Remember when I was a kid I had all these blackouts? +Remember when I was a kid I had all these blackouts? Of course. +Of course. Well, lately some of the memories have begun to come back and I'd kinda like to talk to you about one of them in particular. It'd be a big help. +Well, lately some of the memories have begun to come back and I'd kinda like to talk to you about one of them in particular. It'd be a big help. Well, sure. I'll try to remember. Shoot. +Well, sure. I'll try to remember. Shoot. When we were kids. Your dad was making a movie. Robin Hood or something? +When we were kids. Your dad was making a movie. Robin Hood or something? What do you want to know, Evan? +What do you want to know, Evan? It's just... did he... what happened in the basement? +It's just... did he... what happened in the basement? It was a long time ago. +It was a long time ago. I know, but... +I know, but... Is that why you came all the way back? To ask a lot of stupid questions about Robin Hood? +Is that why you came all the way back? To ask a lot of stupid questions about Robin Hood? No, but I think something really bad might've happened to us. +Just shut up, Evan. You're wasting your breath. You can't hate yourself just because your dad's a twisted freak. +You can't hate yourself just because your dad's a twisted freak. Who are you trying to convince, Evan?! You come all the way out here to stir up my shit just because you had a bad memory!? You want me to cry on your shoulder and tell you that everything's all better now? Well fuck you, Evan! Nothing's gonna be all better! Okay?! Nothing ever gets better! +Jesus, Kayleigh, you're... Incredible. Mmmm... You give good compliment. Clean up and come back to bed. +Where... where are my clothes? Those are your clothes, silly. +Hey, uh, don't go freaking out on me over this, but do you remember when your dad first got his video camera? Well I remember he had one... but he, like, put it away after the first day. Why would that freak me out? +Well I remember he had one... but he, like, put it away after the first day. Why would that freak me out? I dunno. Just being weird. +Oh my God, that was good. Where'd you learn all those new tricks? So it didn't feel... weird? +So it didn't feel... weird? Yeah, if you call multiple orgasms weird. +What do you think it is about us that makes us so perfect? Like, looking back, whatever gave you the nerve to sneak out and visit me after I moved away? As if my dad could've stopped me from seeing you. What's he gonna do to me? +I don't understand, where are you taking me? You'll see. +I don't know what to say. It's beautiful. Go on. Sit down. +Why are you doing all this for me? Simple math. When I woke up this morning and saw your smile... I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. +It's my fault. I should have told you he was released a few weeks ago. Might'a been nice. Like this is gonna do any good. Maybe one of the frat guys has a gun. +Might'a been nice. Like this is gonna do any good. Maybe one of the frat guys has a gun. Please, Evan. Don't even joke. He wouldn't hurt you. He's just trying to scare you away from me. +Please, Evan. Don't even joke. He wouldn't hurt you. He's just trying to scare you away from me. Yeah, right. Tell that to Crockett. +Yeah, right. Tell that to Crockett. It's not his fault, Evan. You knew how bad he had it when we were kids. +It's not his fault, Evan. You knew how bad he had it when we were kids. Don't give me this Oprah-book club bad upbringing shit, because you turned out fine. +Don't give me this Oprah-book club bad upbringing shit, because you turned out fine. My father never laid a hand on me. It's like the prick saved it all up for Tommy. +Are you okay? What do you mean? +What do you mean? It's just... you've been acting kinda strange, you know? +It's just... you've been acting kinda strange, you know? Like how? +Like how? I don't know. You seem... different. You make weird jokes. Your accents changed. You don't even walk the same. +I don't know. You seem... different. You make weird jokes. Your accents changed. You don't even walk the same. I walk differently? +I walk differently? I can't put my finger on it, but everything's a bit off. Even the dinner tonight. It was beautiful, but... +I can't put my finger on it, but everything's a bit off. Even the dinner tonight. It was beautiful, but... I know I've been actin strange lately. It's just that... I don't want anything to happen to us. +Wait. Something's not right. Isn't that your jacket? What? +Evan, stop! You're gonna kill him! He's a fucking maniac! +I want you to take this, Lenny. Today's your day of atonement. I know how guilty you feel about that woman and her baby -- Evan. Stop it. It's not the time. +Evan. Stop it. It's not the time. Now's the only time! Today you get a chance to redeem yourself. Start over with a clean slate. Tabula rasa -- +Oh, I thought you were my eight o'clock. Make it fast, I'm expecting someone. Nice to see you, too. Can I come in? +So how's tricks? Sorry, occupational humor. I get it. You can drop it now. +I get it. You can drop it now. Oh, I'm sorry. Does my line of work make you uncomfortable, precious? +Oh, I'm sorry. Does my line of work make you uncomfortable, precious? No. Just that you need to hurt me with it. I've been where you've been. +No. Just that you need to hurt me with it. I've been where you've been. Ha! Where's that? +Ha! Where's that? The bottom. When you're just a piece of meat waiting for the next attack. +What's happened to you? "You wouldn't believe me. I mean, people always say, ""You wouldn't believe me"", but in this case, it's not even worth trying." +"You wouldn't believe me. I mean, people always say, ""You wouldn't believe me"", but in this case, it's not even worth trying." I've seen some sickening shit. I don't blink twice anymore, especially in your case. +I've seen some sickening shit. I don't blink twice anymore, especially in your case. Why's that? +Why's that? Because you're... different. +Because you're... different. Different? How? +Different? How? Let me ask you a question. Just a little one that's been gnawing at me for years. +Let me ask you a question. Just a little one that's been gnawing at me for years. Yeah? +Yeah? On the bridge. How did you know that Tommy had your dog? That was no fucking hunch. +On the bridge. How did you know that Tommy had your dog? That was no fucking hunch. Do you remember when I was a kid and I had those blackouts? +You're right, Evan, I don't believe you. I never thought you would. That's why I've never bothered to tell a soul until now, and why I never will again. +I never thought you would. That's why I've never bothered to tell a soul until now, and why I never will again. I'm the only person you've told? That's a great line. Does that make other girls swoon? Do they actually eat up this bullshit? +I'm the only person you've told? That's a great line. Does that make other girls swoon? Do they actually eat up this bullshit? I couldn't give a shit if you believe me or not, and frankly I'm too tired to prove it to you. +I couldn't give a shit if you believe me or not, and frankly I'm too tired to prove it to you. Oh? There's proof now? +Oh? There's proof now? Shit. I dunno. How would I know about the twin moles on your inner thigh? +Shit. I dunno. How would I know about the twin moles on your inner thigh? Anyone with fifty bucks could tell you that. +Anyone with fifty bucks could tell you that. Then forget that. How about... you prefer the smell of a skunk to flowers, you hate cilantro because for reasons unknown to you, it reminds you of your step-sister. +I just thought you should know. Know what? +Know what? That I didn't leave you there to rot. +There's one major hole in your story. Which is? +Which is? There is no fuckin' way on this planet or any other that I was in some fuckin' sorority. +Sure you don't want your wallet? Don't think I'll need it where I'm going. +Don't think I'll need it where I'm going. Off to change everyone's life again, is that it? Maybe this time you'll pop up in some mansion while I wind up in Tijuana doing the donkey act. +Off to change everyone's life again, is that it? Maybe this time you'll pop up in some mansion while I wind up in Tijuana doing the donkey act. I'm over it. Whenever I try to help anyone it all turns to shit. +I'm over it. Whenever I try to help anyone it all turns to shit. Well, don't give up now, Slick. You've already done so much for me. Hell, why don't you go back in time and save Mrs. Halpern and her baby. Then maybe Lenny wouldn't freak out and ruin my family. +Where are we going? We have to get you to Sunnyvale. You're having one of your famous hemorrhages. +We have to get you to Sunnyvale. You're having one of your famous hemorrhages. Stop! Take me back! +You know how spiritual he's gotten ever since he saved Mrs. Halpern and Katie. He saved Mrs. Halpern? Please, the twisted fuck. +Is something the matter? Yeah, I think I gotta get these fixed or something. +"Kayleigh? Do you ever think about ""us?"" I mean, wonder if it could ever have been different between the two of us?" Sure, Evan, why not? You were the first person I really ever cared about. +Sure, Evan, why not? You were the first person I really ever cared about. I was? +I was? That's why when I was little I never went to live with my mother. +That's why when I was little I never went to live with my mother. I don't get it. +I don't get it. When my folks split, they gave me and Tommy a choice who we wanted to live with. I couldn't stand my dad, but I knew if I moved to my mom's I'd never see you again. +When my folks split, they gave me and Tommy a choice who we wanted to live with. I couldn't stand my dad, but I knew if I moved to my mom's I'd never see you again. I never knew that. So then you still sometimes think of us... together? +I never knew that. So then you still sometimes think of us... together? It's crossed my mind from time to time. +It's crossed my mind from time to time. And...? +And...? Well a lot of things cross my mind. I've always been a fast thinker, Ev. I can play out the movie of our entire lives in under a second. Boom -- we fall in love -- get married -- two kids, your keen analytical insight matched to my generous nature -- kids grow old as do we, relatively stable relationships, matching burial plots, the whole bit. It took a lot longer to spit out than to imagine. +Well a lot of things cross my mind. I've always been a fast thinker, Ev. I can play out the movie of our entire lives in under a second. Boom -- we fall in love -- get married -- two kids, your keen analytical insight matched to my generous nature -- kids grow old as do we, relatively stable relationships, matching burial plots, the whole bit. It took a lot longer to spit out than to imagine. Then you think it might have worked out? +Then you think it might have worked out? Why not? But that's not how things wound up. I'm with Lenny, Lenny's your friend. And there it ends. +We're really gonna be in a movie!? That's right, Evan, and you get to be the star. +Where am I? What happened? Where did we all go? Calm down, kid. Stand still. +I was just somewhere else -- how did I get here? Quit acting like some retard or I'll call your mother and tell her what a naughty little shit you've been. +Quit acting like some retard or I'll call your mother and tell her what a naughty little shit you've been. Kayleigh? What happened? +What time is it? It's time for you to stand where the hell I told you. +It's time for you to stand where the hell I told you. Wrong answer, fuckbag. This is the very moment of your reckoning. In the next thirty seconds you're going to open one of two doors. The first door will forever traumatize your own flesh and blood. +What's happened to -- How are you doing that? It'll change your daughter from a beautiful child into an empty shell whose only concept of trust was betrayed by her own sick pedophile father. Ultimately, it'll lead to her suicide. Nice work, daddy. +It'll change your daughter from a beautiful child into an empty shell whose only concept of trust was betrayed by her own sick pedophile father. Ultimately, it'll lead to her suicide. Nice work, daddy. Who -- who are you? +Let's just say you're being closely watched, George. Your other option is to get your porn off the rack and treat Kayleigh like... oh, let's say like how a loving father treats his daughter. Sound okay to you, Papa? ...yes. +...yes. Listen close then, fuckbag. You screw up again and I swear I'll flat out castrate you. +Easy does it, Evan! Don't be a bad boy or I'll tell mommy you were naughty. And I'll tell the Child Protective Services about your kiddie porn endeavors. One step closer and I'll shove this up your ass! +That's dangerous! You could blow your hands off! Been there, done that. +It's okay. I won't bite. You've seen pictures of me, right? Uh-huh. Mom says I have your eyes and your -- +Are you okay? You looked like you were somewhere else for a second there. Look, Jason, I need some fast answers if I'm ever gonna fix what I've done. +I was praying this curse would have ended with me. But it didn't. And now I need info to make things right again and you're the only one who can give it to me. +But it didn't. And now I need info to make things right again and you're the only one who can give it to me. "There is no ""right"". When you change who people are, you destroy who they were." +"There is no ""right"". When you change who people are, you destroy who they were." Who's to say you can't make things better? +You can't play God, son. It must end with me. Just by being here, you may be killing your mother. Bullshit. I'll send you a postcard when I've made everything perfect again. +Evan, you're hysterical. You study for this? We'll find out soon enough. +We'll find out soon enough. Me neither. +You're kidding. Are these the answers?! Damn, Evan, on the D.L. +Damn, Evan, on the D.L. Thanks. Wow. Hey, I want to do something really special for Kayleigh tomorrow. If I said I needed some help from you and the brothers... +Thanks. Wow. Hey, I want to do something really special for Kayleigh tomorrow. If I said I needed some help from you and the brothers... I'd say blow me. Get the pledges to do it. +I'm not sure. I might have gotten some stories mixed up. Did Pavlov condition his dogs to lick his nuts? Typical psych major. A complete wise ass. And how's your project coming? Still planning to change the way we humble scientists view memory assimilation? +Typical psych major. A complete wise ass. And how's your project coming? Still planning to change the way we humble scientists view memory assimilation? Hey, I got no choice. +Whoa! Didn't mean to scare you, Evan. Just wanted to know how the flatworms project was coming. Oh, fine I guess. It's been kind of crazy lately with my mom coming up, so I haven't... +Oh, fine I guess. It's been kind of crazy lately with my mom coming up, so I haven't... I know, I know. Who can think of worms when your libido's in full swing, right? +Just don't drop the ball, okay? I won't let you down, Professor Carter. +Remember, everyone! Only two weeks until your science projects are due. I still owe you an essay from last week. Is there any way I could get an extension? +I still owe you an essay from last week. Is there any way I could get an extension? And you are...? +And you are...? Evan Treborn. +Evan Treborn. The answer's 'no', Mr. Treborn. Now take a seat. The exam's about to begin. +So what's the point? Maybe if I can figure out how the memories of a simple worm function, it'll help me understand the complexities of the human brain. +Smells like sex in here. Thumper had a busy afternoon. +Thumper had a busy afternoon. You're kidding. He's so... big. +Most guys tuck their porn under here, but all you have are... comp books. Yeah. I've been keeping journals since I was seven. +Yeah. I've been keeping journals since I was seven. Wow... read something. +"Freeze! No ""worm-boy"". No ""Mr. Worm,"" and no ""Worm-Master-General!"" Once you get a nickname like that you can't shake it. And I don't want everyone thinking I've got tapeworms coming out of my ass or something, okay?" Deal. Now read me something. +Come on, go on... It was like Tommy was possessed or something. There was a hate in his eyes that I couldn't really call human. +It didn't feel like a dream. Maybe because they never do. So Don Juan, you pass out on all your dates? +Can... can... Can I have this? Sure. I was gonna make a new one, anyway. +That should buy you ten minutes at least. Gee, thanks friend. +I couldn't cut the rope. Yeah, good, what else do you remember? +Yeah, good, what else do you remember? Drop it or I'll slit your mother's throat in her sleep. +You knew the whole time, didn't you? When you put the blade in my hand, you knew something big was going to happen. Didn't you?! Y... yes. I guess I did. +Uh, we should be getting to class now. Forget it. What's the point of Psych now? Tomorrow I could wake up as some dirt farmer in Bangladesh. +Are you sure you even packed it? My mom packed for me. I think she sent everything I ever owned. So we'll see. +What do you need it for? I don't get you lately. Duly noted. Now I'm gonna ask you for one last favor. +Duly noted. Now I'm gonna ask you for one last favor. What? +What? Shhh. I need to concentrate on the blockbuster if I'm gonna destroy it. +Shhh. I need to concentrate on the blockbuster if I'm gonna destroy it. Destroy it? +Destroy it? If I hadn't blown my arms off, Mom never woulda started smoking in the first place. Now shhhh. +Hey, what'd you do that for? Fat little baby, crying for mommy. +Tommy, I'm bored shitless over here. What's up already? Hold your horses, man. It's here somewhere. I saw it when I was a kid. +Hurry! Let's go! Get him up, Evan! Come on! What happened?? Where are we?! +Look what you made me do! What's wrong with you?! +Leave us alone you sick fuck! "Get this ""us"" shit. As if I was gonna lay a hand on my own sister. You've done nicely for yourself, Evan. Nice friends, nice life, not to mention you're fucking my sister. Not a bad piece of ass if I say so myself." +What the hell are you doing? It wasn't enough that the whole world loves you, but you had to take away the last person on earth who didn't think I was a piece of shit. +It wasn't enough that the whole world loves you, but you had to take away the last person on earth who didn't think I was a piece of shit. No one thinks you're a piece of shit, Tommy. +No one thinks you're a piece of shit, Tommy. "Right, Evan. I believe you just said ""sick fuck.""" +Listen to me good, Evan... I'll do whatever you want. You don't want me to ever see Kayleigh again, fine. Just let Crockett go. Besides, you kill him now and they'll stick you in juvy for sure. And I know you'd never leave your sister alone with your father. +I did what you said, man! We're pooling our student funds with Hillel House and we're going to have an Awareness Dance. Oh goody, nothing like spinning my chair around to a techno mix of Hava Nagila til I puke. +Lung cancer? Sorry, Mrs. T. He's been out of sorts lately. +Mom. Don't cry. I can change this. I think I'll go check out the chapel. +Just get out, didja? Huh? +Huh? Nothing. Just that my brother did a stint in the pen and he used to eat like that. +Nothing. Just that my brother did a stint in the pen and he used to eat like that. I come from a big family. +I come from a big family. Meant no offense. +Meant no offense. None taken. Hey, uh, does Kayleigh Miller still work here? +None taken. Hey, uh, does Kayleigh Miller still work here? Sorry. Never heard of her. +Evan, guess what? Dad got a new video camera and we're all gonna be in a movie. I don't think Evan gets to be in it -- +I don't think Evan gets to be in it -- Quit it, Tommy. Evan gets to be Robin Hood. I'm gonna be Maid Marian, and you're the Sheriff of Nottingham! +Quit it, Tommy. Evan gets to be Robin Hood. I'm gonna be Maid Marian, and you're the Sheriff of Nottingham! I thought I was the bad guy! +I thought I was the bad guy! You are, silly. He's a bad sheriff. +What did I say about mentioning that bitch? Where the hell are you taking us anyway? Just blow something up already. +Where the hell are you taking us anyway? Just blow something up already. Just blow something up? Are you nuts? There's an art to mass destruction. Would you just paint the Mona Lisa? No. Besides, we're here already. +Wipe that sad-assed look off your face before you get us all busted. You see the way Evan's mom was looking at you? I'm sorry. +Lenny? Come on! Oh my God oh my God... +Shut up, Tommy! Aw, hey now, that was a compliment. +You put the mommy too far away. Mrs. Boswell has macaroni and glue if you wanna fix it. You're such a retard! +Here you go, buddy. What? No frigging way, man. I'm not touching that thing. +What? No frigging way, man. I'm not touching that thing. The hell you aren't. Anyone of us does it, you'll puss out and narc for sure. +The hell you aren't. Anyone of us does it, you'll puss out and narc for sure. Ain't gonna work this time, buddy. Look how small that fuse is! I'll get killed. +Maybe it went out. Should someone check it? Yeah, you do that, Lenny. +Monsieur Rick? Yes? +Yes? Could I speak to you for just a moment, please? +How did you get in here? You're under age. I came with Captain Renault. +I came with Captain Renault. I should have known. +I should have known. My husband is with me, too. +My husband is with me, too. He is? Well, Captain Renault's getting broadminded. Sit down. Will you have a drink? +No, of course not. Do you mind if I do? No. +Monsieur Rick, what kind of man is Captain Renault? Oh, he's just like any other man, only more so. +Oh, he's just like any other man, only more so. No, I mean, is he trustworthy? Is his word -- +No, I mean, is he trustworthy? Is his word -- -- Now, just a minute. Who told you to ask me that? +-- Now, just a minute. Who told you to ask me that? He did. Captain Renault did. +He did. Captain Renault did. I thought so. Where's your husband? +I thought so. Where's your husband? At the roulette table, trying to win enough for our exit visa. Well of course, he's losing. +How long have you been married? Eight weeks. We come from Bulgaria. Oh, things are very bad there, Monsieur. A devil has the people by the throat. So, Jan and I, we, we do not want our children to grow up in such a country. +Eight weeks. We come from Bulgaria. Oh, things are very bad there, Monsieur. A devil has the people by the throat. So, Jan and I, we, we do not want our children to grow up in such a country. So you decided to go to America. +So you decided to go to America. Yes, but we have not much money, and traveling is so expensive and difficult. It was much more than we thought to get here. And then Captain Renault sees us and he is so kind. He wants to help us. +Yes, but we have not much money, and traveling is so expensive and difficult. It was much more than we thought to get here. And then Captain Renault sees us and he is so kind. He wants to help us. Yes, I'll bet. +Yes, I'll bet. He tells me he can give us an exit visa, but we have no money. +He tells me he can give us an exit visa, but we have no money. Does he know that? +Does he know that? Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. And he is still willing to give you a visa? +And he is still willing to give you a visa? Yes, Monsieur. +Yes, Monsieur. And you want to know -- +And you want to know -- -- Will he keep his word? +-- Will he keep his word? He always has. +Nobody ever loved me that much. And he never knew, and the girl kept this bad thing locked in her heart? That would be all right, wouldn't it? +And he never knew, and the girl kept this bad thing locked in her heart? That would be all right, wouldn't it? You want my advice? +You want my advice? Oh, yes, please. +Oh, yes, please. Go back to Bulgaria. +Go back to Bulgaria. Oh, but if you knew what it means to us to leave Europe, to get to America! Oh, but if Jan should find out! He is such a boy. In many ways I am so much older than he is. +Oh, but if you knew what it means to us to leave Europe, to get to America! Oh, but if Jan should find out! He is such a boy. In many ways I am so much older than he is. Yes, well, everybody in Casablanca has problems. Yours may work out. You'll excuse me. +Monsieur Rick, I -- -- He's just a lucky guy. +Excuse me, but you look like a couple who are on their way to America. Well? +You will find a market there for this ring. I am forced to sell it at a great sacrifice. Thank you, but I hardly think -- +Thank you, but I hardly think -- -- Then perhaps for the lady. The ring is quite unique. +Good. What is your name? +What is your name? Berger, Norwegian, and at your service, sir. +Such a bargain. But that is your decision? I'm sorry. It is. +Mr. Berger, the ring, could I see it again? Yes, Monsieur. +Yes, Monsieur. A champagne cocktail, please. +I recognize you from the news photographs, Monsieur Laszlo. In a concentration camp, one is apt to lose a little weight. +In a concentration camp, one is apt to lose a little weight. We read five times that you were killed in five different places. +We read five times that you were killed in five different places. As you see, it was true every single time. Thank heaven I found you, Berger. I am looking for a man by the name of Ugarte. He is supposed to help me. +I see. But we who are still free will do all we can. We are organized, Monsieur, underground like everywhere else. Tomorrow night there is a meeting at the Caverne du Bois. If you would come... +Monsieur Rick, may I get you a cup of coffee? No thanks, Carl. +No thanks, Carl. Monsieur Rick! +Well, you are in pretty good shape, Herr Rick. How long can I afford to stay closed? +How long can I afford to stay closed? Oh, two weeks, maybe three. +Oh, two weeks, maybe three. Maybe I won't have to. A bribe has worked before. In the meantime, everybody stays on salary. +Maybe I won't have to. A bribe has worked before. In the meantime, everybody stays on salary. Oh, thank you, Herr Rick. Sacha will be happy to hear it. I owe him money. +Now you finish locking up, will you, Carl? I will. Then I am going to the meeting of the -- +I will. Then I am going to the meeting of the -- -- Don't tell me where you're going. +-- Don't tell me where you're going. I won't. +I won't. Goodnight. +Goodnight. Goodnight, Monsieur Rick. +The police break up our meeting. Herr Rick! We escaped in the last moment. Come up here a minute. +Yes, I come. I want you to turn out the light in the rear entrance. It might attract the police. +I want you to turn out the light in the rear entrance. It might attract the police. But Sacha always puts out that light -- +But Sacha always puts out that light -- -- Tonight he forgot. +-- Tonight he forgot. Yes, I come, I will do it. +I want you to take Miss Lund home. Yes, sir. +Excuse me, Monsieur Rick, but a gentleman inside has won twenty thousand francs. The cashier would like some money. Well, I'll get it from the safe. +Well, I'll get it from the safe. I am so upset, Monsieur Rick. You know I can't understand -- +I am so upset, Monsieur Rick. You know I can't understand -- -- Forget it, Emil. Mistakes like that happen all the time. +-- Forget it, Emil. Mistakes like that happen all the time. I'm awfully sorry. +Here you are. It shall not happen again, Monsieur. +It shall not happen again, Monsieur. That's all right. +Here's to you, sir. Er, good luck, yes. +Er, good luck, yes. I'd better be going. +I'd better be going. Er, my check, please. +Er, my check, please. I have to warn you, sir. I beseech you... +Er, goodbye, sir. It has been a pleasure to meet you. +Hello, Rick. Hello, Ferrari. How's business at the Blue Parrot? +Hello, Ferrari. How's business at the Blue Parrot? Fine, but I would like to buy your cafe. +Fine, but I would like to buy your cafe. It's not for sale. +It's not for sale. You haven't heard my offer. +You haven't heard my offer. It's not for sale at any price. +It's not for sale at any price. What do you want for Sam? +What do you want for Sam? I don't buy or sell human beings. +I don't buy or sell human beings. That's too bad. That's Casablanca's leading commodity. In refugees alone we could make a fortune if you would work with me through the black market. +That's too bad. That's Casablanca's leading commodity. In refugees alone we could make a fortune if you would work with me through the black market. Suppose you run your business and let me run mine. +Suppose you run your business and let me run mine. Suppose we ask Sam. Maybe he'd like to make a change. +Suppose we ask Sam. Maybe he'd like to make a change. Suppose we do. +Suppose we do. My dear Rick, when will you realize that in this world today isolationism is no longer a practical policy? +I see the bus is in. I'll take my shipment with me. No hurry. I'll have it sent over. Have a drink with me. +No hurry. I'll have it sent over. Have a drink with me. I never drink in the morning. And every time you send my shipment over, it's always just a little bit short. +I never drink in the morning. And every time you send my shipment over, it's always just a little bit short. Carrying charges, my boy, carrying charges. Here, sit down. There's something I want to talk over with you, anyhow. +The bourbon. The news about Ugarte upset me very much. You're a fat hypocrite. You don't feel any sorrier for Ugarte than I do. +Of course not. What upsets me is the fact that Ugarte is dead and no one knows where those letters of transit are. Practically no one. +Practically no one. If I could lay my hands on those letters, I could make a fortune. +If I could lay my hands on those letters, I could make a fortune. So could I. And I'm a poor businessman. +So could I. And I'm a poor businessman. I have a proposition for whoever has those letters. I will handle the entire transaction, get rid of the letters, take all the risk, for a small percentage. +I have a proposition for whoever has those letters. I will handle the entire transaction, get rid of the letters, take all the risk, for a small percentage. And the carrying charges? +And the carrying charges? Naturally there will be a few incidental expenses. That is the proposition I have for whoever has those letters. +Naturally there will be a few incidental expenses. That is the proposition I have for whoever has those letters. I'll tell him when he comes in. +I'll tell him when he comes in. Rick, I'll put my cards on the table. I think you know where those letters are. +Rick, I'll put my cards on the table. I think you know where those letters are. Well, you're in good company. Renault and Strasser probably think so, too. +That's why I came over here to give them a chance to ransack my place. Rick, don't be a fool. Take me into your confidence. You need a partner. +Shall we draw up the papers, or is our handshake good enough? It's certainly not good enough. But since I'm in a hurry, it'll have to do. +Ah, to get out of Casablanca and go to America! You're a lucky man. Oh, by the way, my agreement with Sam's always been that he gets twenty- five percent of the profits. That still goes. +Oh, by the way, my agreement with Sam's always been that he gets twenty- five percent of the profits. That still goes. Hmmm. I happen to know that he gets ten percent. But he's worth twenty- five. +Hmmm. I happen to know that he gets ten percent. But he's worth twenty- five. And Abdul and Carl and Sacha, they stay with the place, or I don't sell. +And Abdul and Carl and Sacha, they stay with the place, or I don't sell. Of course they stay. Rick's wouldn't be Rick's without them. +Of course they stay. Rick's wouldn't be Rick's without them. Well, so long. +Don't forget, you owe Rick's a hundred cartons of American cigarettes. I shall remember to pay it... to myself. +You see, my dear, the word has gone around. As leader of all illegal activities in Casablanca, I am an influential and respected man. It would not be worth my life to do anything for Monsieur Laszlo. You, however, are a different matter. +As leader of all illegal activities in Casablanca, I am an influential and respected man. It would not be worth my life to do anything for Monsieur Laszlo. You, however, are a different matter. Signor Ferrari thinks it might just be possible to get an exit visa for you. +I will stay here and keep on trying. I'm sure in a little while -- -- We might as well be frank, Monsieur. It will take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca. And the Germans have outlawed miracles. +We've decided, Signor Ferrari. For the present we'll go on looking for two exit visas. Thank you very much. Well, good luck. But be careful. You know you're being shadowed? +I observe that you in one respect are a very fortunate man, Monsieur. I am moved to make one more suggestion, why, I do not know, because it cannot possibly profit me, but, have you heard about Signor Ugarte and the letters of transit? Yes, something. +Yes, something. Those letters were not found on Ugarte when they arrested him. +Do you know where they are? Not for sure, Monsieur, but I will venture to guess that Ugarte left those letters with Monsieur Rick. +Rick? He is a difficult customer, that Rick. One never knows what he'll do or why. But it is worth a chance. +He is a difficult customer, that Rick. One never knows what he'll do or why. But it is worth a chance. Thank you very much. Good day. +It was gracious of you to share it with me. Good day, Mademoiselle, Monsieur. Good day. +And Mademoiselle? You needn't be concerned about me. +Mademoiselle, after this disturbance it is not safe for Laszlo to stay in Casablanca. This morning you implied it was not safe for him to leave Casablanca. +This morning you implied it was not safe for him to leave Casablanca. That is also true, except for one destination, to return to occupied France. +That is also true, except for one destination, to return to occupied France. Occupied France? +Occupied France? Uh huh. Under a safe conduct from me. +Uh huh. Under a safe conduct from me. What value is that? You may recall what German guarantees have been worth in the past. +What value is that? You may recall what German guarantees have been worth in the past. There are only two other alternatives for him. +There are only two other alternatives for him. What are they? +What are they? It is possible the French authorities will find a reason to put him in the concentration camp here. +It is possible the French authorities will find a reason to put him in the concentration camp here. And the other alternative? +And the other alternative? My dear Mademoiselle, perhaps you have already observed that in Casablanca, human life is cheap. Good night, Mademoiselle. +"-- It was ""La Belle Aurore.""" How nice. You remembered. But of course, that was the day the Germans marched into Paris. +How nice. You remembered. But of course, that was the day the Germans marched into Paris. Not an easy day to forget. +Not an easy day to forget. No. +No. I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue. +I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue. Yes. I put that dress away. When the Germans march out, I'll wear it again. +Say goodnight to Sam for me. I will. +I will. "There's still nobody in the world who can play ""As Time Goes By"" like Sam." +"There's still nobody in the world who can play ""As Time Goes By"" like Sam." He hasn't played it in a long time. +Who are you really? And what were you before? What did you do and what did you think? Huh? "We said ""no questions.""" +"We said ""no questions.""" Here's looking at you, kid. +A franc for your thoughts. In America they'd bring only a penny. I guess that's about all they're worth. +In America they'd bring only a penny. I guess that's about all they're worth. I'm willing to be overcharged. Tell me. +I'm willing to be overcharged. Tell me. And I was wondering. +And I was wondering. Yes? +Yes? Why I'm so lucky. Why I should find you waiting for me to come along. +Why I'm so lucky. Why I should find you waiting for me to come along. Why there is no other man in my life? +Why there is no other man in my life? Uh huh. +Uh huh. That's easy. There was. He's dead. +That's easy. There was. He's dead. "I'm sorry for asking. I forgot we said ""no questions.""" +"I'm sorry for asking. I forgot we said ""no questions.""" Well, only one answer can take care of all our questions. +Richard, they'll find out your record. It won't be safe for you here. I'm on their blacklist already, their roll of honor. +My German's a little rusty. It's the Gestapo. They say they expect to be in Paris tomorrow. +With the whole world crumbling, we pick this time to fall in love. Yeah. It's pretty bad timing. Where were you, say, ten years ago? +Yeah. It's pretty bad timing. Where were you, say, ten years ago? Ten years ago? Let's see... ...Yes. I was having a brace put on my teeth. Where were you? +Ten years ago? Let's see... ...Yes. I was having a brace put on my teeth. Where were you? Looking for a job. +Was that cannon fire, or is it my heart pounding? Ah, that's the new German 77. And judging by the sound, only about thirty-five miles away. +Strange. I know so very little about you. I know very little about you, just the fact that you had your teeth straightened. +But be serious, darling. You are in danger and you must leave Paris. No, no, no, no. We must leave. +No, no, no, no. We must leave. Yes, of course, we -- +Yes, of course, we -- -- The train for Marseilles leaves at five o'clock. I'll pick you up at your hotel at four-thirty. +-- The train for Marseilles leaves at five o'clock. I'll pick you up at your hotel at four-thirty. No, no. Not at my hotel. I, uh, I have things to do in the city before I leave. I'll meet you at the station, huh? +No, no. Not at my hotel. I, uh, I have things to do in the city before I leave. I'll meet you at the station, huh? All right. At a quarter to five. Say, why don't we get married in Marseilles? +That's too far ahead to plan. Yes, I guess it is a little too far ahead. Well, let's see. What about the engineer? Why can't he marry us on the train? +Yes, I guess it is a little too far ahead. Well, let's see. What about the engineer? Why can't he marry us on the train? Oh, darling! +Well, why not? The captain on a ship can. It doesn't seem fair that... Hey, hey, what's wrong, kid? I love you so much, and I hate this war so much. Oh, it's a crazy world. Anything can happen. If you shouldn't get away, I mean, if, if something should keep us apart, wherever they put you and wherever I'll be, I want you to know... +Oh. I saved my first drink to have with you. Here. No. No, Rick. Not tonight. +No. No, Rick. Not tonight. Especially tonight. +Please. Why did you have to come to Casablanca? There are other places. +Why did you have to come to Casablanca? There are other places. I wouldn't have come if I had known that you were here. Believe me, Rick, it's true. I didn't know. +I wouldn't have come if I had known that you were here. Believe me, Rick, it's true. I didn't know. "It's funny about your voice, how it hasn't changed. I can still hear it. ""Richard dear, I'll go with you any place. We'll get on a train together and never stop.""" +"It's funny about your voice, how it hasn't changed. I can still hear it. ""Richard dear, I'll go with you any place. We'll get on a train together and never stop.""" Please don't. Don't, Rick. I can understand how you feel. +Please don't. Don't, Rick. I can understand how you feel. Huh! You understand how I feel. How long was it we had, honey? +Huh! You understand how I feel. How long was it we had, honey? I didn't count the days. +I didn't count the days. Well, I did. Every one of them. Mostly I remember the last one. A wow finish. A guy standing on a station platform in the rain with a comical look on his face, because his insides had been kicked out. +Can I tell you a story, Rick? Has it got a wow finish? +Has it got a wow finish? I don't know the finish yet. +I don't know the finish yet. Well, go on, tell it. Maybe one will come to you as you go along. +Well, go on, tell it. Maybe one will come to you as you go along. It's about a girl who had just come to Paris from her home in Oslo. At the house of some friends she met a man about whom she'd heard her whole life, a very great and courageous man. He opened up for her a whole beautiful world full of knowledge and thoughts and ideals. Everything she knew or ever became was because of him. And she looked up to him and worshipped him with a feeling she supposed was love. +It's about a girl who had just come to Paris from her home in Oslo. At the house of some friends she met a man about whom she'd heard her whole life, a very great and courageous man. He opened up for her a whole beautiful world full of knowledge and thoughts and ideals. Everything she knew or ever became was because of him. And she looked up to him and worshipped him with a feeling she supposed was love. "Yes, that's very pretty. I heard a story once. As a matter of fact, I've heard a lot of stories in my time. They went along with the sound of a tinny piano playing in the parlor downstairs, ""Mister, I met a man once when I was a kid,"" it'd always begin. Huh. I guess neither one of our stories was very funny. Tell me, who was it you left me for? Was it Laszlo, or were there others in between? Or aren't you the kind that tells?" +I'm sorry I was in no condition to receive you when you called on me last night. It doesn't matter. +Why did you come back? To tell me why you ran out on me at the railway station? Yes. +Yes. Well, you can tell me now. I'm reasonably sober. +Well, you can tell me now. I'm reasonably sober. I don't think I will, Rick. +I don't think I will, Rick. Why not? After all, I got stuck with a railway ticket. I think I'm entitled to know. +Why not? After all, I got stuck with a railway ticket. I think I'm entitled to know. Last night I saw what has happened to you. The Rick I knew in Paris, I could tell him. He'd understand. But the one who looked at me with such hatred... well, I'll be leaving Casablanca soon and we'll never see each other again. We knew very little about each other when we were in love in Paris. If we leave it that way, maybe we'll remember those days and not Casablanca, not last night. +Last night I saw what has happened to you. The Rick I knew in Paris, I could tell him. He'd understand. But the one who looked at me with such hatred... well, I'll be leaving Casablanca soon and we'll never see each other again. We knew very little about each other when we were in love in Paris. If we leave it that way, maybe we'll remember those days and not Casablanca, not last night. Did you run out on me because you couldn't take it? Because you knew what it would be like, hiding from the police, running away all the time? +Did you run out on me because you couldn't take it? Because you knew what it would be like, hiding from the police, running away all the time? You can believe that if you want to. +You can believe that if you want to. Well, I'm not running away any more. I'm settled now, above a saloon, it's true, but... walk up a flight. I'll be expecting you. +All the same, someday you'll lie to Laszlo. You'll be there. No, Rick. No, you see, Victor Laszlo is my husband... and was, even when I knew you in Paris. +How did you get in? The stairs from the street. +I told you this morning you'd come around, but this is a little ahead of schedule. Well, won't you sit down? Richard, I had to see you. +Richard, I had to see you. "You use ""Richard"" again? We're back in Paris." +"You use ""Richard"" again? We're back in Paris." Please. +Please. Your unexpected visit isn't connected by any chance with the letters of transit? It seems that as long as I have those letters I'll never be lonely. +Your unexpected visit isn't connected by any chance with the letters of transit? It seems that as long as I have those letters I'll never be lonely. You can ask any price you want, but you must give me those letters. +You can ask any price you want, but you must give me those letters. I went through all that with your husband. It's no deal. +I went through all that with your husband. It's no deal. I know how you feel about me, but I'm asking you to put your feelings aside for something more important. +I know how you feel about me, but I'm asking you to put your feelings aside for something more important. Do I have to hear again what a great man your husband is? What an important cause he's fighting for? +Do I have to hear again what a great man your husband is? What an important cause he's fighting for? It was your cause, too. In your own way, you were fighting for the same thing. +It was your cause, too. In your own way, you were fighting for the same thing. I'm not fighting for anything anymore, except myself. I'm the only cause I'm interested in. +Richard, Richard, we loved each other once. If those days meant anything at all to you -- -- I wouldn't bring up Paris if I were you. It's poor salesmanship. +-- I wouldn't bring up Paris if I were you. It's poor salesmanship. Please. Please listen to me. If you knew what really happened, if you only knew the truth -- +Please. Please listen to me. If you knew what really happened, if you only knew the truth -- -- I wouldn't believe you, no matter what you told me. You'd say anything now to get what you want. +No. Oh, Richard, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but, but you, you are our last hope. If you don't help us, Victor Laszlo will die in Casablanca. What of it? I'm going to die in Casablanca. It's a good spot for it. +-- All right. I tried to reason with you. I tried everything. Now I want those letters. Get them for me. I don't have to. I've got them right here. +I don't have to. I've got them right here. Put them on the table. +Put them on the table. No. +No. For the last time, put them on the table. +For the last time, put them on the table. If Laszlo and the cause mean so much to you, you won't stop at anything. All right, I'll make it easier for you. +And then? "It wasn't long after we were married that Victor went back to Czechoslovakia. They needed him in Prague, but there the Gestapo were waiting for him. Just a two-line item in the paper: ""Victor Laszlo apprehended. Sent to concentration camp."" I was frantic. For months I tried to get word. Then it came. He was dead, shot trying to escape. I was lonely. I had nothing. Not even hope. Then I met you." +"It wasn't long after we were married that Victor went back to Czechoslovakia. They needed him in Prague, but there the Gestapo were waiting for him. Just a two-line item in the paper: ""Victor Laszlo apprehended. Sent to concentration camp."" I was frantic. For months I tried to get word. Then it came. He was dead, shot trying to escape. I was lonely. I had nothing. Not even hope. Then I met you." Why weren't you honest with me? Why did you keep your marriage a secret? +Oh, it wasn't my secret, Richard. Victor wanted it that way. Not even our closest friends knew about our marriage. That was his way of protecting me. I knew so much about his work, and if the Gestapo found out I was his wife it would be dangerous for me and for those working with me. When did you first find out he was alive? +When did you first find out he was alive? Just before you and I were to leave Paris together. A friend came and told me that Victor was alive. They were hiding him in a freight car on the outskirts of Paris. He was sick, he needed me. I wanted to tell you, but I, I didn't care. I knew, I knew you wouldn't have left Paris, and the Gestapo would have caught you. So I... well, well, you know the rest. +Just before you and I were to leave Paris together. A friend came and told me that Victor was alive. They were hiding him in a freight car on the outskirts of Paris. He was sick, he needed me. I wanted to tell you, but I, I didn't care. I knew, I knew you wouldn't have left Paris, and the Gestapo would have caught you. So I... well, well, you know the rest. Huh. But it's still a story without an ending. What about now? +Huh. But it's still a story without an ending. What about now? Now? I don't know. I know that I'll never have the strength to leave you again. +Now? I don't know. I know that I'll never have the strength to leave you again. And Laszlo? +And Laszlo? Oh, you'll help him now, Richard, won't you? You'll see that he gets out? Then he'll have his work, all that he's been living for. +Oh, you'll help him now, Richard, won't you? You'll see that he gets out? Then he'll have his work, all that he's been living for. All except one. He won't have you. +I can't fight it anymore. I ran away from you once. I can't do it again. Oh, I don't know what's right any longer. You'll have to think for both of us, for all of us. All right, I will. Here's looking at you, kid. +All right, I will. Here's looking at you, kid. I wish I didn't love you so much. +Richard, Victor thinks I'm leaving with him. Haven't you told him? No, not yet. +No, not yet. But it's all right, isn't it? You were able to arrange everything? +But it's all right, isn't it? You were able to arrange everything? Everything is quite all right. +Everything is quite all right. Oh, Rick! +But why my name, Richard? Because you're getting on that plane. +Because you're getting on that plane. I don't understand. What about you? +I don't understand. What about you? I'm staying here with him 'til the plane gets safely away. +No, Richard, no. What has happened to you? Last night we said -- -- Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing. You're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong. +-- Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing. You're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong. But Richard, no, I, I -- +But Richard, no, I, I -- -- You've got to listen to me. Do you have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten we'd both wind up in a concentration camp. Isn't that true, Louis? +I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. No. +No. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. +Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. But what about us? +But what about us? We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we'd lost it, until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night. +We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we'd lost it, until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night. And I said I would never leave you. +And I said I would never leave you. And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going you can't follow. What I've got to do you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... +Yes. She tried everything to get them, and nothing worked. She did her best to convince me that she was still in love with me, but that was all over long ago. For your sake, she pretended it wasn't, and I let her pretend. +Hello, Sam. Hello, Miss Ilsa. I never expected to see you again. +It's been a long time. Yes, ma'am. A lot of water under the bridge. +Yes, ma'am. A lot of water under the bridge. Some of the old songs, Sam. +Some of the old songs, Sam. Yes, ma'am. +Where is Rick? I don't know. I ain't seen him all night. +When will he be back? Not tonight no more. He ain't coming. Uh, he went home. +Not tonight no more. He ain't coming. Uh, he went home. Does he always leave so early? +Does he always leave so early? Oh, he never... well... he's got a girl up at the Blue Parrot. He goes up there all the time. +Oh, he never... well... he's got a girl up at the Blue Parrot. He goes up there all the time. You used to be a much better liar, Sam. +You used to be a much better liar, Sam. Leave him alone, Miss Ilsa. You're bad luck to him. +Leave him alone, Miss Ilsa. You're bad luck to him. Play it once, Sam, for old time's sake. +Play it once, Sam, for old time's sake. I don't know what you mean, Miss Ilsa. +I don't know what you mean, Miss Ilsa. "Play it, Sam. Play ""As Time Goes By.""" +"Play it, Sam. Play ""As Time Goes By.""" Oh I can't remember it, Miss Ilsa. I'm a little rusty on it. +Victor, I, I feel somehow we shouldn't stay here. If we would walk out so soon, it would only call attention to us. Perhaps Ugarte's in some other part of the cafe. +You are very kind. Won't you join us? +This time they really mean to stop me. Victor, I'm afraid for you. +Victor, I'm afraid for you. We have been in difficult places before, haven't we? +I must find out what Berger knows. Be careful. +Be careful. I will, don't worry. +Goodnight. Goodnight. +Goodnight. Goodnight. +We are only interested in two visas, Signor. Please, Ilsa, don't be hasty. +Please, Ilsa, don't be hasty. No, Victor, no. +No, Ilsa, I won't let you stay here. You must get to America. And believe me, somehow I will get out and join you. But, Victor, if the situation were different, if I had to stay and there were only a visa for one, would you take it? +But, Victor, if the situation were different, if I had to stay and there were only a visa for one, would you take it? Yes, I would. +Yes, I see. When I had trouble getting out of Lille, why didn't you leave me there? And when I was sick in Marseilles and held you up for two weeks and you were in danger every minute of the time, why didn't you leave me then? I meant to, but something always held me up. I love you very much, Ilsa. +He does. Could we have a table close to him? And as far away from Major Strasser as possible. +What happened with Rick? We'll discuss it later. +Our faithful friend is still there. Victor, please, don't go to the underground meeting tonight. +Victor, please, don't go to the underground meeting tonight. I must. Besides, it isn't often that a man has a chance to display heroics before his wife. +Don't joke. After Major Strasser's warning tonight, I am frightened. To tell you the truth, I am frightened too. Shall I remain here in our hotel room hiding, or shall I carry on the best I can? +Whatever I'd say, you'd carry on. Victor, why don't you tell me about Rick? What did you find out? Apparently he has the letters. +Apparently he has the letters. Yes? +Yes? But no intention of selling them. One would think if sentiment wouldn't persuade him, money would. +Did he give any reason? He suggested I ask you. +He suggested I ask you. Ask me? +Ask me? "Yes. He said, ""Ask your wife."" I don't know why he said that." +Ilsa, I -- -- Yes? +-- Yes? When I was in the concentration camp, were you lonely in Paris? +Yes, Victor, I was. I know how it is to be lonely. Is there anything you wish to tell me? +I know how it is to be lonely. Is there anything you wish to tell me? No, Victor, there isn't. +No, Victor, there isn't. I love you very much, my dear. +Yes, Yes I know. Victor, whatever I do, will you believe that I, that -- -- You don't even have to say it. I'll believe. Goodnight, dear. +Be careful. Of course, I'll be careful. +Are you ready Ilsa? Yes, I'm ready. Goodbye, Rick. God bless you. +Captain, the boy who is playing the piano, somewhere I have seen him. Sam? +Sam? Yes. +Yes. He came from Paris with Rick. +He came from Paris with Rick. Rick? Who's he? +Rick? Who's he? Mademoiselle, you are in Rick's and Rick is -- +Mademoiselle, you are in Rick's and Rick is -- -- Is what? +-- Is what? Well, Mademoiselle, he's the kind of a man that, well, if I were a woman and I... were not around, I should be in love with Rick. But what a fool I am talking to a beautiful woman about another man. +Hello, Rick. Oh, you've already met Rick, Mademoiselle? +Well then, perhaps you also --- -- This is Mr. Laszlo. +I can't get over you two. She was asking about you earlier, Rick, in a way that made me extremely jealous. I wasn't sure you were the same. Let's see, the last time we met -- +I'm afraid Major Strasser would insist. You're saying this only to make me go. +How do you do? How do you do? +How do you do? One hears a great deal about Rick in Casablanca. +One hears a great deal about Rick in Casablanca. And about Victor Laszlo everywhere. +And about Victor Laszlo everywhere. Won't you join us for a drink? +And I congratulate you. What for? +What for? Your work. +Your work. Thank you. I try. +Thank you. I try. We all try. You succeed. +I hope we didn't overstay our welcome. Not at all. +We'll come again. Any time. +Good morning. Signor Ferrari is the fat gent at the table. +Good evening. Good evening. You see, here we are again. +Good evening. You see, here we are again. I take that as a great compliment to Sam. I suppose he means to you Paris of, well, happier days. +Monsieur Blaine, I wonder if I could talk to you? Go ahead. +Go ahead. Well, isn't there some other place? It's rather confidential, what I have to say. +Well, isn't there some other place? It's rather confidential, what I have to say. My office. +My office. Right. +You must know it's very important I get out of Casablanca. It's my privilege to be one of the leaders of a great movement. You know what I have been doing. You know what it means to the work, to the lives of thousands and thousands of people that I be free to reach America and continue my work. I'm not interested in politics. The problems of the world are not in my department. I'm a saloon keeper. +I'm not interested in politics. The problems of the world are not in my department. I'm a saloon keeper. My friends in the underground tell me that you have quite a record. You ran guns to Ethiopia. You fought against the fascists in Spain. +My friends in the underground tell me that you have quite a record. You ran guns to Ethiopia. You fought against the fascists in Spain. What of it? +What of it? Isn't it strange that you always happened to be fighting on the side of the underdog? +Isn't it strange that you always happened to be fighting on the side of the underdog? Yes. I found that a very expensive hobby, too. But then I never was much of a businessman. +Are you enough of a businessman to appreciate an offer of a hundred thousand francs? I appreciate it, but I don't accept it. +I appreciate it, but I don't accept it. I'll raise it to two hundred thousand. +I'll raise it to two hundred thousand. My friend, you could make it a million francs, or three, my answer would still be the same. +My friend, you could make it a million francs, or three, my answer would still be the same. There must be some reason why you won't let me have them. +There must be some reason why you won't let me have them. There is. I suggest that you ask your wife. +There is. I suggest that you ask your wife. I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? I said, ask your wife. +I said, ask your wife. My wife? +Well, this might come in handy. Thank you. +Thank you. Had a close one, eh? +Had a close one, eh? Yes, rather. +Don't you sometimes wonder if it's worth all this? I mean what you're fighting for? We might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die. +We might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die. What of it? Then it'll be out of it's misery. +You know how you sound, Monsieur Blaine? Like a man who's trying to convince himself of something he doesn't believe in his heart. Each of us has a destiny, for good or for evil. Yes, I get the point. +I wonder if you do. I wonder if you know that you're trying to escape from yourself and that you'll never succeed. You seem to know all about my destiny. +You seem to know all about my destiny. I know a good deal more about you than you suspect. I know, for instance, that you are in love with a woman. It is perhaps strange that we both should be in love with the same woman. The first evening I came here in this cafe, I knew there was something between you and Ilsa. Since no one is to blame, I, I demand no explanation. I ask only one thing. You won't give me the letters of transit. All right. But I want my wife to be safe. I ask you as a favor to use the letters to take her away from Casablanca. +I know a good deal more about you than you suspect. I know, for instance, that you are in love with a woman. It is perhaps strange that we both should be in love with the same woman. The first evening I came here in this cafe, I knew there was something between you and Ilsa. Since no one is to blame, I, I demand no explanation. I ask only one thing. You won't give me the letters of transit. All right. But I want my wife to be safe. I ask you as a favor to use the letters to take her away from Casablanca. You love her that much? +You love her that much? Apparently you think of me only as the leader of a cause. Well, I am also a human being. +Monsieur Blaine, I don't know how to thank you. Oh, save it. We've still lots of things to do. +I brought the money, Monsieur Blaine. Keep it. You'll need it in America. +Keep it. You'll need it in America. But we made a deal. +But we made a deal. Oh, never mind about that. You won't have any trouble in Lisbon, will you? +Oh, never mind about that. You won't have any trouble in Lisbon, will you? No. It's all arranged. +No. It's all arranged. Good. I've got the letters right here, all made out in blank. +Everything in order? All except one thing. There's something you should know before you leave. +All except one thing. There's something you should know before you leave. Monsieur Blaine, I don't ask you to explain anything. +Monsieur Blaine, I don't ask you to explain anything. I'm going to anyway, because it may make a difference to you later on. You said you knew about Ilsa and me. +I'm going to anyway, because it may make a difference to you later on. You said you knew about Ilsa and me. Yes. +Yes. But you didn't know she was at my place last night when you were. She came there for the letters of transit. Isn't that true, Ilsa? +I understand. Here it is. +Monsieur Laszlo, is it not? Yes. +Yes. I am Captain Renault, Prefect of Police. +I am Captain Renault, Prefect of Police. Yes. What is it you want? +Yes. What is it you want? Merely to welcome you to Casablanca and wish you a pleasant stay. It is not often we have so distinguished a visitor. +Merely to welcome you to Casablanca and wish you a pleasant stay. It is not often we have so distinguished a visitor. Thank you. I hope you'll forgive me, Captain, but the present French administration has not always been so cordial. May I present Miss Ilsa Lund? +Thank you. I hope you'll forgive me, Captain, but the present French administration has not always been so cordial. May I present Miss Ilsa Lund? I was informed you were the most beautiful woman ever to visit Casablanca. That was a gross understatement. +No, Captain, please. No. Please, Monsieur, it is a little game we play. They put it on the bill, I tear the bill up. It is very convenient. +Let us say that it is my request. That is a much more pleasant word. Very well. +My bill. No. Two champagne cocktails, please. +Well! A precedent is being broken. Er, Emil! This is a very interesting cafe. I congratulate you. +Ricky, you're becoming quite human. I suppose we have to thank you for that, Mademoiselle. Ilsa, I don't wish to be the one to say it, but it's late. +Ilsa, I don't wish to be the one to say it, but it's late. So it is. And we have a curfew here in Casablanca. It would never do for the Chief of Police to be found drinking after hours and have to fine himself. +Tomorrow at ten at the Prefect's office. We'll be there. +We'll be there. Goodnight. +I am delighted to see you both. Did you have a good night's rest? I slept very well. +I slept very well. That's strange. Nobody is supposed to sleep well in Casablanca. +That's strange. Nobody is supposed to sleep well in Casablanca. May we proceed with the business? +May we proceed with the business? With pleasure. Won't you sit down? +With pleasure. Won't you sit down? Thank you. +I am afraid not. My regrets, Monsieur. Well, perhaps I shall like it in Casablanca. +And the honor of having served the Third Reich. I was in a German concentration camp for a year. That's honor enough for a lifetime. +Monsieur, insofar as it is in my power -- -- Thank you. +-- Thank you. By the way, Monsieur, last night you evinced an interest in Signor Ugarte. +By the way, Monsieur, last night you evinced an interest in Signor Ugarte. Yes. +Yes. I believe you have a message for him? +I believe you have a message for him? Nothing important, but may I speak to him now? +I am making out the report now. We haven't quite decided whether he committed suicide or died trying to escape. Are you quite finished with us? +I'm sure you'll excuse me if I am not gracious, but you see, Major Strasser, I'm a Czechoslovakian. You were a Czechoslovakian. Now you are a subject of the German Reich! +I've never accepted that privilege, and I'm now on French soil. I should like to discuss some matters arising from your presence on French soil. +I should like to discuss some matters arising from your presence on French soil. This is hardly the time or the place. +This is hardly the time or the place. Then we shall state another time and another place. Tomorrow at ten in the Prefect's office, with Mademoiselle. +Then we shall state another time and another place. Tomorrow at ten in the Prefect's office, with Mademoiselle. Captain Renault, I am under your authority. Is it your order that we come to your office? +Very well, Herr Laszlo, we will not mince words. You are an escaped prisoner of the Reich. So far you have been fortunate enough in eluding us. You have reached Casablanca. It is my duty to see that you stay in Casablanca. Whether or not you succeed is, of course, problematical. +Whether or not you succeed is, of course, problematical. Not at all. Captain Renault's signature is necessary on every exit visa. Captain, would you think it is possible that Herr Laszlo will receive a visa? +Is that all you wish to tell us? Don't be in such a hurry. You have all the time in the world. You may be in Casablanca indefinitely... or you may leave for Lisbon tomorrow, on one condition. +Don't be in such a hurry. You have all the time in the world. You may be in Casablanca indefinitely... or you may leave for Lisbon tomorrow, on one condition. And that is? +And that is? You know the leaders of the underground movement in Paris, in Prague, in Brussels, in Amsterdam, in Oslo, in Belgrade, in Athens. +You know the leaders of the underground movement in Paris, in Prague, in Brussels, in Amsterdam, in Oslo, in Belgrade, in Athens. Even in Berlin. +Even in Berlin. Yes, even in Berlin. If you will furnish me with their names and their exact whereabouts, you will have your visa in the morning. +You will give us the names? "If I didn't give them to you in a concentration camp where you had more ""persuasive methods"" at your disposal, I certainly won't give them to you now." +And what if you track down these men and kill them? What if you murdered all of us? From every corner of Europe, hundreds, thousands, would rise to take our places. Even Nazis can't kill that fast. Herr Laszlo, you have a reputation for eloquence which I can now understand. But in one respect you are mistaken. You said the enemies of the Reich could all be replaced, but there is one exception. No one could take your place in the event anything unfortunate should occur to you while you were trying to escape. +Herr Laszlo, you have a reputation for eloquence which I can now understand. But in one respect you are mistaken. You said the enemies of the Reich could all be replaced, but there is one exception. No one could take your place in the event anything unfortunate should occur to you while you were trying to escape. You won't dare to interfere with me here. This is still unoccupied France. Any violation of neutrality would reflect on Captain Renault. +For the time being. Good day. +Unoccupied France welcomes you to Casablanca. Thank you, Captain. It's very good to be here. +Thank you, Captain. It's very good to be here. Major Strasser, my aide, Lieutenant Casselle. +You may find the climate of Casablanca a trifle warm, Major. Oh, we Germans must get used to all climates, from Russia to the Sahara. But perhaps you were not referring to the weather. +Oh, we Germans must get used to all climates, from Russia to the Sahara. But perhaps you were not referring to the weather. What else, my dear Major? +What else, my dear Major? By the way, the murder of the couriers, what has been done? +By the way, the murder of the couriers, what has been done? Realizing the importance of the case, my men are rounding up twice the usual number of suspects. +Oh, there is no hurry. Tonight he'll be at Rick's. Everybody comes to Rick's. I have already heard about this cafe, and also about Mr. Rick himself. +Good evening, gentlemen. Good evening, Captain. +Thank you. It is a pleasure to have you here, Major. Champagne and a tin of caviar. +Champagne and a tin of caviar. May I recommend Veuve Cliquot '26, a good French wine. +May I recommend Veuve Cliquot '26, a good French wine. Thank you. +Especially so tonight, Major. In a few minutes you will see the arrest of the man who murdered your couriers. I expected no less, Captain. +Rick, this is Major Heinrich Strasser of the Third Reich. How do you do, Mr. Rick? +"You repeat ""Third Reich"" as though you expected there to be others." Well, personally, Major, I will take what comes. +Well, personally, Major, I will take what comes. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? Unofficially, of course. +Ho, diplomatist! How about New York? +Rick is completely neutral about everything. And that takes in the field of women, too. You weren't always so carefully neutral. We have a complete dossier on you. +Of course, one must admit he has great courage. I admit he is very clever. Three times he slipped through our fingers. In Paris he continued his activities. We intend not to let it happen again. +You see, Major, you have nothing to worry about Rick. Perhaps. +Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle. +I strongly suspect that Ugarte left the letters of transit with Mr. Blaine. I would suggest you search the cafe immediately and thoroughly. If Rick has the letters, he's much too smart to let you find them there. +If Rick has the letters, he's much too smart to let you find them there. You give him credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he's just another blundering American. +You give him credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he's just another blundering American. "But we mustn't underestimate American blundering. I was with them when they ""blundered"" into Berlin in 1918." +As to Laszlo, we want him watched twenty-four hours a day. It may interest you to know that at this very moment he is on his way here. +You see, Captain, the situation is not as much under control as you believe. My dear Major, we are trying to cooperate with your government, but we cannot regulate the feelings of our people. +Captain Renault, are you entirely certain which side you're on? I have no conviction, if that's what you mean. I blow with the wind, and the prevailing wind happens to be from Vichy. +I have no conviction, if that's what you mean. I blow with the wind, and the prevailing wind happens to be from Vichy. And if it should change? +We are concerned about more than Casablanca. We know that every French province in Africa is honeycombed with traitors waiting for their chance, waiting, perhaps, for a leader. A leader, like Laszlo? +A leader, like Laszlo? Uh, huh. I have been thinking. It is too dangerous if we let him go. It may be too dangerous if we let him stay. +Uh, huh. I have been thinking. It is too dangerous if we let him go. It may be too dangerous if we let him stay. I see what you mean. +You see what I mean? If Laszlo's presence in a cafe can inspire this unfortunate demonstration, what more will his presence in Casablanca bring on? I advise that this place be shut up at once. But everybody's having such a good time. +But everybody's having such a good time. Yes, much too good a time. The place is to be closed. +Yes, much too good a time. The place is to be closed. But I have no excuse to close it. +But I have no excuse to close it. Find one. +What is the meaning of that phone call? Victor Laszlo is on that plane. +Why do you stand here? Why don't you stop him? Ask Monsieur Rick. +Hello, Louis. How extravagant you are, throwing away women like that. Someday they may be scarce. +You know, I think now I shall pay a call on Yvonne, maybe get her on the rebound, eh? When it comes to women, you're a true democrat. +The plane to Lisbon. You would like to be on it? Why? What's in Lisbon? +Why? What's in Lisbon? The clipper to America. +It was a combination of all three. And what in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca? +And what in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca? My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters. +My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters. Waters? What waters? We're in the desert. +Waters? What waters? We're in the desert. I was misinformed. +I was misinformed. Huh! +Rick, there's going to be some excitement here tonight. We are going to make an arrest in your cafe. What, again? +What, again? This is no ordinary arrest. A murderer, no less. +If you are thinking of warning him, don't put yourself out. He cannot possibly escape. I stick my neck out for nobody. +I stick my neck out for nobody. A wise foreign policy. +You know, Rick, we could have made this arrest earlier in the evening at the Blue Parrot, but out of my high regard for you we are staging it here. It will amuse your customers. Our entertainment is enough. +I see. And what's Strasser doing here? He certainly didn't come all the way to Casablanca to witness a demonstration of your efficiency. Perhaps not. +How observant you are. As a matter of fact, I wanted to give you a word of advice. Yeah? Have a brandy? +Yeah? Have a brandy? Thank you. Rick, there are many exit visas sold in this cafe, but we know that you have never sold one. That is the reason we permit you to remain open. +Thank you. Rick, there are many exit visas sold in this cafe, but we know that you have never sold one. That is the reason we permit you to remain open. I thought it was because we let you win at roulette. +I thought it was because we let you win at roulette. That is another reason. There is a man who's arrived in Casablanca on his way to America. He will offer a fortune to anyone who will furnish him with an exit visa. +That is another reason. There is a man who's arrived in Casablanca on his way to America. He will offer a fortune to anyone who will furnish him with an exit visa. Yeah? What's his name? +Yeah? What's his name? Victor Laszlo. +Victor Laszlo. Victor Laszlo? +Rick, that is the first time I have ever seen you so impressed. Well, he's succeeded in impressing half the world. +Well, he's succeeded in impressing half the world. It is my duty to see that he doesn't impress the other half. Rick, Laszlo must never reach America. He stays in Casablanca. +It is my duty to see that he doesn't impress the other half. Rick, Laszlo must never reach America. He stays in Casablanca. It'll be interesting to see how he manages. +It'll be interesting to see how he manages. Manages what? +Manages what? His escape. +His escape. Oh, but I just told you. -- +Oh, but I just told you. -- -- Stop it. He escaped from a concentration camp and the Nazis have been chasing him all over Europe. +-- Stop it. He escaped from a concentration camp and the Nazis have been chasing him all over Europe. This is the end of the chase. +This is the end of the chase. Twenty thousand francs says it isn't. +Is that a serious offer? I just paid out twenty. I'd like to get it back. +I just paid out twenty. I'd like to get it back. Make it ten. I am only a poor corrupt official. +Make it ten. I am only a poor corrupt official. Okay. +Okay. Done. No matter how clever he is, he still needs an exit visa, or I should say, two. +Done. No matter how clever he is, he still needs an exit visa, or I should say, two. Why two? +Why two? He is traveling with a lady. +He is traveling with a lady. He'll take one. +He'll take one. I think not. I have seen the lady. And if he did not leave her in Marseilles, or in Oran, he certainly won't leave her in Casablanca. +I think not. I have seen the lady. And if he did not leave her in Marseilles, or in Oran, he certainly won't leave her in Casablanca. Maybe he's not quite as romantic as you are. +Maybe he's not quite as romantic as you are. It doesn't matter. There is no exit visa for him. +It doesn't matter. There is no exit visa for him. Louis, whatever gave you the impression that I might be interested in helping Laszlo escape? +Louis, whatever gave you the impression that I might be interested in helping Laszlo escape? Because, my dear Ricky, I suspect that under that cynical shell you're at heart a sentimentalist. +Oh, laugh if you will, but I happen to be familiar with your record. Let me point out just two items. In 1935 you ran guns to Ethiopia. In 1936, you fought in Spain on the Loyalist side. And got well paid for it on both occasions. +And got well paid for it on both occasions. The winning side would have paid you much better. +The winning side would have paid you much better. Maybe. Well, it seems you are determined to keep Laszlo here. +Maybe. Well, it seems you are determined to keep Laszlo here. I have my orders. +I have my orders. Oh, I see. Gestapo spank. +Yeah, you were saying? Excuse me. +Oh, how do you do? And you already know Herr Heinze of the Third Reich. +That makes Rick a citizen of the world. I was born in New York City if that'll help you any. +Well, you were asking about Rick and here he is. Mademoiselle, may I present -- -- Hello, Ilsa. +Oh, no, Rick never -- -- Thanks. I will. +Oh, it's my party. Another precedent gone. This has been a very interesting evening. I'll call you a cab. Gasoline rationing, time of night. +Well, Ricky. I'm very pleased with you. Now you're beginning to live like a Frenchman. That was some going-over your men gave my place this afternoon. We just barely got cleaned up in time to open. +Well, I told Strasser he wouldn't find the letters here. But I told my men to be especially destructive. You know how that impresses Germans? Rick, have you got these letters of transit? Louis, are you pro-Vichy or Free French? +Louis, are you pro-Vichy or Free French? Serves me right for asking a direct question. The subject is closed. +Serves me right for asking a direct question. The subject is closed. Well, it looks like you're a little late. +Well, it looks like you're a little late. Huh? +So Yvonne's gone over to the enemy. Who knows? In her own way she may constitute an entire second front. I think it's time for me to flatter Major Strasser a little. I'll see you later, Rick. +As I suspected, you're a rank sentimentalist. Yeah? Why? +Yeah? Why? Why do you interfere with my little romances? +Why do you interfere with my little romances? Put it down as a gesture to love. +Put it down as a gesture to love. Well, I forgive you this time. But I'll be in tomorrow night with a breathtaking blonde, and it will make me very happy if she loses. Uh huh! +How can you close me up? On what grounds? I am shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here! +But you haven't any actual proof, and you know it. This isn't Germany or occupied France. All you can do is fine him a few thousand francs and give him thirty days. You might as well let him go now. Ricky, I'd advise you not to be too interested in what happens to Laszlo. If by any chance you were to help him escape -- +Ricky, I'd advise you not to be too interested in what happens to Laszlo. If by any chance you were to help him escape -- -- What makes you think I'd stick my neck out for Laszlo? +-- What makes you think I'd stick my neck out for Laszlo? Because one, you've bet ten thousand francs he'd escape. Two, you have the letters of transit, now don't bother to deny it. And, well, you might do it simply because you don't like Strasser's looks. As a matter of fact, I don't like him either. +Because one, you've bet ten thousand francs he'd escape. Two, you have the letters of transit, now don't bother to deny it. And, well, you might do it simply because you don't like Strasser's looks. As a matter of fact, I don't like him either. Well, they're all excellent reasons. +Well, they're all excellent reasons. Don't count too much on my friendship, Ricky. In this matter I'm powerless. Besides, I might lose ten thousand francs. +Don't count too much on my friendship, Ricky. In this matter I'm powerless. Besides, I might lose ten thousand francs. You're not very subtle, but you are effective. I, I get the point. Yes, I have the letters, but I intend using them myself. I'm leaving Casablanca on tonight's plane, the last plane. +You're not very subtle, but you are effective. I, I get the point. Yes, I have the letters, but I intend using them myself. I'm leaving Casablanca on tonight's plane, the last plane. Huh? +Huh? And I'm taking a friend with me. One you'll appreciate. +And I'm taking a friend with me. One you'll appreciate. What friend? +What friend? Ilsa Lund. That ought to put your mind to rest about my helping Laszlo escape. The last man I want to see in America. +Ilsa Lund. That ought to put your mind to rest about my helping Laszlo escape. The last man I want to see in America. You didn't come here to tell me this. You have the letters of transit. You can fill in your name and hers and leave any time you please. Why are you interested in what happens to Laszlo? +Ilsa is Laszlo's wife. She probably knows things that Strasser would like to know. Louis, I'll make a deal with you. Instead of this petty charge you have against him, you can get something really big, something that would chuck him in a concentration camp for years. That would be quite a feather in your cap, wouldn't it? It certainly would. Germany... Vichy would be very grateful. +It certainly would. Germany... Vichy would be very grateful. Then release him. You be at my place a half hour before the plane leaves. +I'll arrange to have Laszlo come there to pick up the letters of transit, and that'll give you the criminal grounds on which to make the arrest. You get him, and we get away. To the Germans that last will be just a minor annoyance. There's still something about this business I don't quite understand. Miss Lund, she's very beautiful, yes, but you were never interested in any woman. +There's still something about this business I don't quite understand. Miss Lund, she's very beautiful, yes, but you were never interested in any woman. Well, she isn't just any woman. +I see. How do I know you'll keep your end of the bargain? I'll make the arrangements right now with Laszlo in the visitor's pen. +I'll make the arrangements right now with Laszlo in the visitor's pen. Ricky, I'm going to miss you. Apparently you're the only one in Casablanca who has even less scruples than I. +Ricky, I'm going to miss you. Apparently you're the only one in Casablanca who has even less scruples than I. Oh, thanks. +Oh, thanks. Go ahead, Ricky. +You're late. I was informed just as Laszlo was about to leave the hotel, so I knew I'd be on time. +I was informed just as Laszlo was about to leave the hotel, so I knew I'd be on time. I thought I asked you to tie up your watchdogs. +I thought I asked you to tie up your watchdogs. Oh, he won't be followed here. +You know, this place will never be the same without you, Ricky. Yes, I know what you mean, but I've already spoken to Ferrari. You'll still win at roulette. +Yes, I know what you mean, but I've already spoken to Ferrari. You'll still win at roulette. Is everything ready? +I have the letters right here. Tell me, when we searched the place, where were they? +Tell me, when we searched the place, where were they? Sam's piano. +Sam's piano. Serves me right for not being musical. +-- Not so fast, Louis. Nobody's going to be arrested. Not for a while yet. Have you taken leave of your senses? +Have you taken leave of your senses? I have. Sit down over there. +I have. Sit down over there. Put that gun down. +I suppose you know what you're doing, but I wonder if you realize what this means? I do. We've got plenty of time to discuss that later. +I do. We've got plenty of time to discuss that later. Call off your watch-dogs you said. +Call off your watch-dogs you said. Just the same, you call the airport and let me hear you tell them. And remember, this gun's pointed right at your heart. +Just the same, you call the airport and let me hear you tell them. And remember, this gun's pointed right at your heart. That is my least vulnerable spot. +If you don't mind, you fill in the names. That will make it even more official. You think of everything, don't you? +You think of everything, don't you? And the names are Mr. and Mrs. Victor Laszlo. +Well I was right. You are a sentimentalist. Stay where you are. I don't know what you're talking about. +What you just did for Laszlo, and that fairy tale that you invented to send Ilsa away with him. I know a little about women, my friend. She went, but she knew you were lying. Anyway, thanks for helping me out. +Anyway, thanks for helping me out. I suppose you know this isn't going to be pleasant for either of us, especially for you. I'll have to arrest you of course. +I suppose you know this isn't going to be pleasant for either of us, especially for you. I'll have to arrest you of course. As soon as the plane goes, Louis. +Well, Rick, you're not only a sentimentalist, but you've become a patriot. Maybe, but it seemed like a good time to start. +Maybe, but it seemed like a good time to start. I think perhaps you're right. +It might be a good idea for you to disappear from Casablanca for a while. There's a Free French garrison over at Brazzaville. I could be induced to arrange a passage. My letter of transit? I could use a trip. But it doesn't make any difference about our bet. You still owe me ten thousand francs. +My letter of transit? I could use a trip. But it doesn't make any difference about our bet. You still owe me ten thousand francs. And that ten thousand francs should pay our expenses. +And that ten thousand francs should pay our expenses. Our expenses? +Our expenses? Uh huh. +Uh huh. Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. +Where were you last night? That's so long ago, I don't remember. +That's so long ago, I don't remember. Will I see you tonight? +Will I see you tonight? I never make plans that far ahead. +Give me another. Sacha, she's had enough. +Sacha, she's had enough. Don't listen to him, Sacha. Fill it up. +Rick, I'm sick and tired of having you -- -- Sacha, call a cab. +Come on, we're going to get your coat. Take your hands off me! +Make it official, if you like. What is your nationality? +What is your nationality? I'm a drunkard. +I understand you came here from Paris at the time of the occupation. There seems to be no secret about that. +There seems to be no secret about that. Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris? +Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris? It's not particularly my beloved Paris. +Well, there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade. Aha. Who do you think will win the war? +Aha. Who do you think will win the war? I haven't the slightest idea. +Are my eyes really brown? You will forgive my curiosity, Mr. Blaine. The point is, an enemy of the Reich has come to Casablanca and we are checking up on anybody who can be of any help to us. +You will forgive my curiosity, Mr. Blaine. The point is, an enemy of the Reich has come to Casablanca and we are checking up on anybody who can be of any help to us. My interest in whether Victor Laszlo stays or goes is purely a sporting one. +My interest in whether Victor Laszlo stays or goes is purely a sporting one. In this case, you have no sympathy for the fox, huh? +In this case, you have no sympathy for the fox, huh? Not particularly. I understand the point of view of the hound, too. +Not particularly. I understand the point of view of the hound, too. Victor Laszlo published the foulest lies in the Prague newspapers until the very day we marched in, and even after that he continued to print scandal sheets in a cellar. +You'll excuse me, gentlemen. Your business is politics. Mine is running a saloon. Good evening, Mr. Blaine. +I would advise you not to interfere. I was willing to shoot Captain Renault, and I'm willing to shoot you. +Hello? Put that phone down! +Put that phone down! Get me the Radio Tower! +Get me the Radio Tower! Put it down! +Uh, excuse me, please. Hello, Rick. Hello Ugarte. +Huh. You know, Rick, watching you just now with the Deutsches Bank, one would think you'd been doing this all your life. Well, what makes you think I haven't? +Well, what makes you think I haven't? Oh, nothing. But when you first came to Casablanca, I thought -- +Oh, nothing. But when you first came to Casablanca, I thought -- -- You thought what? +May I? Too bad about those two German couriers, wasn't it? They got a lucky break. Yesterday they were just two German clerks. Today they're the 'Honored Dead'. +They got a lucky break. Yesterday they were just two German clerks. Today they're the 'Honored Dead'. You are a very cynical person, Rick, if you'll forgive me for saying so. +Thank you. Will you have a drink with me please? No. +No. I forgot. You never drink with... I'll have another, please. You despise me, don't you? +I forgot. You never drink with... I'll have another, please. You despise me, don't you? If I gave you any thought, I probably would. +If I gave you any thought, I probably would. But why? Oh, you object to the kind of business I do, huh? But think of all those poor refugees who must rot in this place if I didn't help them. That's not so bad. Through ways of my own I provide them with exit visas. +But why? Oh, you object to the kind of business I do, huh? But think of all those poor refugees who must rot in this place if I didn't help them. That's not so bad. Through ways of my own I provide them with exit visas. For a price, Ugarte, for a price. +For a price, Ugarte, for a price. But think of all the poor devils who cannot meet Renault's price. I get it for them for half. Is that so parasitic? +But think of all the poor devils who cannot meet Renault's price. I get it for them for half. Is that so parasitic? I don't mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one. +I don't mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one. Well, Rick, after tonight I'll be through with the whole business, and I am leaving finally this Casablanca. +Well, Rick, after tonight I'll be through with the whole business, and I am leaving finally this Casablanca. Who did you bribe for your visa? Renault or yourself? +Who did you bribe for your visa? Renault or yourself? Myself. I found myself much more reasonable. +One moment. Tonight I'll be selling those for more money than even I have ever dreamed of, and then, addio Casablanca! You know, Rick, I have many friends in Casablanca, but somehow, just because you despise me you're the only one I trust. Will you keep these for me? Please. For how long? +For how long? Perhaps an hour, perhaps a little longer. +Perhaps an hour, perhaps a little longer. I don't want them here overnight. +I don't want them here overnight. Don't be afraid of that. Please keep them for me. Thank you. I knew I could trust you. +Rick! Rick, help me! Don't be a fool. You can't get away. +Don't be a fool. You can't get away. Rick, hide me. Do something! You must help me, Rick. Do something! +Sam, Ferrari wants you to work for him at the Blue Parrot. I like it fine here. +I like it fine here. He'll double what I pay you. +He'll double what I pay you. Yeah, but I ain't got time to spend the money I make here. +Yeah, but I ain't got time to spend the money I make here. Sorry. +Boss! Yeah? +Yeah? Boss, ain't you going to bed? +Boss, ain't you going to bed? Not right now. +Ain't you planning on going to bed in the near future? No. +No. You ever going to bed? +You ever going to bed? No. +No. Well, I ain't sleepy either. +Well, I ain't sleepy either. Good. Then have a drink. +Good. Then have a drink. No. Not me, boss. +No. Not me, boss. Then don't have a drink. +Then don't have a drink. Boss, let's get out of here. +Boss, let's get out of here. No, sir. I'm waiting for a lady. +No, sir. I'm waiting for a lady. Please, boss, let's go. Ain't nothing but trouble for you here. +Please, boss, let's go. Ain't nothing but trouble for you here. She's coming back. I know she's coming back. +She's coming back. I know she's coming back. We'll take the car and drive all night. We'll get drunk. We'll go fishing and stay away until she's gone. +We'll take the car and drive all night. We'll get drunk. We'll go fishing and stay away until she's gone. Shut up and go home, will you? +Shut up and go home, will you? No, sir. I'm staying right here. +They grab Ugarte and she walks in. Well, that's the way it goes. One in, one out. Sam? Yeah, boss? +Yeah, boss? Sam, if it's December 1941 in Casablanca, what time is it in New York? +Sam, if it's December 1941 in Casablanca, what time is it in New York? Uh, my watch stopped. +Uh, my watch stopped. I bet they're asleep in New York. I'll bet they're asleep all over America. +What's that you're playing? Just a little something of my own. +Just a little something of my own. Well, stop it. You know what I want to hear. +Well, stop it. You know what I want to hear. No, I don't. +No, I don't. You played it for her and you can play it for me. +You played it for her and you can play it for me. Well, I don't think I can remember it. +Well, I don't think I can remember it. If she can stand it, I can. Play it! +If she can stand it, I can. Play it! Yes, boss. +This sort of takes the sting out of being occupied, doesn't it, Mr. Richard? You said it! Here's looking at you, kid. +And getting closer every minute. Here. Drink up. We'll never finish the other three. The Germans'll be here pretty soon now, and they'll come looking for you. And don't forget there's a price on your head. +Where is she? Have you seen her? No, Mr. Richard. I can't find her. +It took this test package thirty-two hours to get from Seattle to St. Petersburg, a distance of nine thousand miles. And then it took forty-one hours to get from our warehouse in St. Petersburg to here, a distance of, what -- Six kilometers. Four miles. +Six kilometers. Four miles. So how are we going to get this place shaped up? +It's bad. Worse than Warsaw. +Worse than Warsaw. Nobody remembers that. +Nobody remembers that. The failures they remember. It's the successes they forget. +Save some for tomorrow. Catch another fish tomorrow. +Shit! Shit! Shit! Stay calm, identify the problem. Problem, rope fraying. Solution, fix rope. +Stay calm, identify the problem. Problem, rope fraying. Solution, fix rope. With what? There's nothing to fix it with. This rope comes undone, you're going to drown. +Get up. Feels so good to lie here. +Feels so good to lie here. Get up, damn you. +Can't. Need water. You've had today's water. +You've had today's water. Thirsty. +Thirsty. Come on, shape up, get going, you can do it. +Come on, shape up, get going, you can do it. No water, no work. +Okay look, I know you're tired, I know you're thirsty, but give it one more shot, you've just got to do a little more. Do too much, I'll die. +Do too much, I'll die. Do too little you'll die. +Do too little you'll die. Going to die anyway. +No more water, you said. Take it. +Take it. No. +No. Take it, damn it. +Take it, damn it. No. +No. Wilson, do you believe this? Take the damn water. +If they can't see you, what's the point? Survive today, that's the point. +Polaris, where are you? Maybe I'm too far south. You don't know where you are. You missed the shipping lanes. +You don't know where you are. You missed the shipping lanes. Moon's too bright. +You're putting off the inevitable. I'm putting it off. +Get water! Fix raft first. +Fix raft first. Water water water -- +You're beautiful. Marry me. You idiot, if he dives, he'll capsize the raft. +What are you doing? Can't kill another one. Can't. Can't kill my friends anymore. +Can't kill another one. Can't. Can't kill my friends anymore. You fucking bleeding heart, you kill or you die. +You fucking bleeding heart, you kill or you die. Why do they have to die for me? +Why do they have to die for me? They'd eat you if they could. They're laughing at you. Listen. +I'm lost. Goodbye. No! +Look, just slip off the raft. The ocean would feel so good, the water's so soft and warm. Take a little swim. Sleep. You quitter you quitter you quitter. +You quitter you quitter you quitter. The sea is lovely, dark and deep. +The sea is lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep. Got to fix the sea anchor. Use the sail. +But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep. Got to fix the sea anchor. Use the sail. Use the sail for a sea anchor and you won't move. +Use the sail for a sea anchor and you won't move. If I don't have a sea anchor I'll capsize. +If I don't have a sea anchor I'll capsize. Die tomorrow or die today. +That's death knocking, knocking on your door. Crazy little woman come knocking, knocking at my front door... Grow up, stop being such a baby. Other people get through a lot worse. +Grow up, stop being such a baby. Other people get through a lot worse. Yeah, sure, what? +You know, Wilson, every now and then we should say thank you. Thank you God. Thank you for fucking up my life. +What are you smiling about? They'll be back. I'm dancing on the roof of the Peabody Hotel. With Kelly. +They're never going to see you. You're just another piece of trash in the ocean. They're on autopilot. +They're on autopilot. They're always on autopilot. Or else it's night, or you're in the sun, or you're in the trough of a wave. They'll never see you. +They're always on autopilot. Or else it's night, or you're in the sun, or you're in the trough of a wave. They'll never see you. Damn it! Don't be so negative! +I float. You sink. End of story. I'm serious. I'm always going on about me, me, me. Enough about me. Your turn. +I'm serious. I'm always going on about me, me, me. Enough about me. Your turn. It's a fucking soccer ball, you idiot. +It's a fucking soccer ball, you idiot. Shut up. +What's so damn funny? You are. +Jesus. Look again, asshole. It's a mirage. +It's real. Nothing out there but ocean. +Nothing out there but ocean. Let's get a second opinion. Wilson? What do you see? +What did it matter if FedEx was five minutes late one day? The next day we just start over again. It matters. We do the best we can, that's all we have. +It matters. We do the best we can, that's all we have. Then we've just got shit. +You can't make it. Shut up. I don't feel like dying today. +You came on a bicycle? No wonder it's so late. There was an unavoidable delay. +Well, I have to say, I'm impressed. You never gave up. No. +You know what happened to this? As much as anybody. +As much as anybody. Want to come in? Get dry for a minute. +Want to come in? Get dry for a minute. Okay. Sure. +Hmmm. Feels like it might have gotten wet. Possible. So you did those wings? +Possible. So you did those wings? Yeah. A long time ago. +Yeah. A long time ago. They're harder to do than they look. +They're harder to do than they look. Oh? You've tried? +Oh? You've tried? Well, I do a little drawing -- +Our apologies that it never made it to the recipient. He was a sorry sonofabitch, and I'm sorry I ever married him. +I can't believe this. I -- I -- They are... You're a gifted artist. You're into something very powerful. Primal. Truly. Well, not really, I -- +Well, not really, I -- You are. Yes you are. What gave you the idea to paint on that cave? +To tell you the truth -- you did. Do you...have any more packages to deliver? +Do you...have any more packages to deliver? No. that was the last one. +No. that was the last one. Just sit here, I'll get us some lunch. +Keep painting. Promise me. Sure. +Did you really steal a crippled kid's bicycle to make your deliveries, or is that just some bullshit story? I didn't steal it, and he wasn't crippled. +What brings you out to the sticks? Had a package to deliver. +Had a package to deliver. You? Personally? +You? Personally? I had it on the island with me. +I had it on the island with me. Must be a story there. +Yeah, a long one. I've got lots of time. +I've got lots of time. So do I. +Sonofabitch! Hey, be nice to it, it'll be nice to you. +Your eyes are puffy. Did you take Valium again? You smell like formaldehyde. +My last chapter's in there, and the damn machine's jammed. Let's take a look. +How was Russia? Cold. +Cold. Don't overwhelm me with details, you know how I hate that. Did you get it fixed? +Don't overwhelm me with details, you know how I hate that. Did you get it fixed? I thought I did. +Got to follow the paper path here. Chuck, forget the Xerox. So Russia didn't turn out well? +Chuck. What do you want me to say? That I thought I'd done a great job but it all turned to shit? That I might as well have gone sailing for all the good I did? +What do you want me to say? That I thought I'd done a great job but it all turned to shit? That I might as well have gone sailing for all the good I did? Yeah, tell me. Tell me all of it. +Merry Christmas eve. Not if you work for FedEx. +Four four. A record. You don't seem too happy about it. +You don't seem too happy about it. Ah, the staff meeting could have gone better. +Ah, the staff meeting could have gone better. Let me guess, Russia came up? +Hey, look at you. I figure, if we could take care of a puppy, we could, you know, take care of -- +He is a cute thing. He's your cute thing. +He's your cute thing. I can't even keep fish alive. +I can't even keep fish alive. A puppy's got a little more personality than a fish. +A puppy's got a little more personality than a fish. And for you -- +You know, for when you travel. For when I travel? +I have to go. I'm on call for overflow down at the Hub. A ring. I wanted a ring. +A ring. I wanted a ring. You did? +Look, I love the puppy. I love you. But I have to go. You can't go now. +You can't go now. I have to. +I have to. You want to. +This isn't working out. We're a little emotional here. It's Christmas, maybe we're over-reacting. +We're a little emotional here. It's Christmas, maybe we're over-reacting. """We're"" not over-reacting." +"""We're"" not over-reacting." Could you watch Jango? +Could you watch Jango? No. +No. I can't take him to work. +That's your dog. It's our dog. It belongs to us. +It's our dog. It belongs to us. There isn't any us. +There isn't any us. Yes there is. +I'm sorry about the presents. I got a little carried away. No, it was great. Maybe a little overkill -- +No, it was great. Maybe a little overkill -- I burned the Christmas tree. +Why didn't you come over, get mad at me, tell me what a stupid bitch I was. I guess I hadn't thought through how I felt. +I guess I hadn't thought through how I felt. What, you were going to come over the next day all calm and say, Kelly that really made me mad? Don't tell me you're mad. Be mad. Be who you are right now. +What, you were going to come over the next day all calm and say, Kelly that really made me mad? Don't tell me you're mad. Be mad. Be who you are right now. Look, we'll do our trip as soon as I get back. +Look, we'll do our trip as soon as I get back. Don't even start. +Get back? From where? Malaysia. They're holding the sweep. +Chuck, you're breaking my heart. A week, max. Okay? Okay? +A week, max. Okay? Okay? Go on. We'll be fine. I'll feed Jango to the frogs. +I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Hey...hey...it's okay! +Right back, you said you'd be right back. A few things came up. Or went down. +I got married. I thought you might have. +I thought you might have. I would never -- +I would never -- I know. +I know. If I'd known you were alive -- +If I'd known you were alive -- I would have done the same thing. +I didn't want to. It just happened. One day Gary was there. He took care of everything. He took care of me. I was a mess. You have any children? +Her name's Hannah. Is that Jango? +Is that Jango? No, this is Jack. Jango was hit by a UPS truck. Can you believe it? +What's that? That's my sea anchor. My second one. Made it out of part of the sail. It keeps you from capsizing in a storm. In theory. And this, this I used to collect water. About half a cup a day. +All that time I waited to go on a cruise, and you went without me. Yeah, well...couldn't be helped. +What's that, written on the sail? My epitaph. +There was a coffin? Yeah, coffin, headstone, the whole thing. +Yeah, coffin, headstone, the whole thing. What was inside? +What was inside? Your calendar, your cell phone, your whoo pig sooey hat, some pictures of that ketch you wanted. +Your calendar, your cell phone, your whoo pig sooey hat, some pictures of that ketch you wanted. That about sums it up. +That about sums it up. Maybe now's when you tell me about it. +Maybe now's when you tell me about it. The plane went down. My friends died. I washed up on an island. Then I found these barrels, built the raft, and here I am. +The plane went down. My friends died. I washed up on an island. Then I found these barrels, built the raft, and here I am. Yeah? +Yeah? The tide came in, the tide went out. I survived. That's the headline. I survived. +The tide came in, the tide went out. I survived. That's the headline. I survived. Don't overwhelm me with the details. You know how I hate that. +Come on. Try. Cliches, mainly. Don't take anyone for granted. Don't sweat the small stuff. Live each day like it's your last. +Cliches, mainly. Don't take anyone for granted. Don't sweat the small stuff. Live each day like it's your last. So simple to say, so hard to do. +So simple to say, so hard to do. Not when you have no choice. +You hated being alone. Couldn't stand it. Busy every minute. Always plugged into something. I didn't know what really being alone was. No one back here does. +This is so unfair. That's what I told the fish I caught. But I ate them anyway. +You okay? Great. Really. +What will you do? I don't know. I really don't know. +I've got to get back to Memphis. Hannah's babysitter has finals. It means a lot...that you came. +It means a lot...that you came. I had to come. To be sure you were okay. +I love you, Chuck. You too. +You too. I'm so glad you're alive. +I need the latest PDRs on St. Petersburg. And how was your Christmas? +And how was your Christmas? Terrific. Yours? +When's the next Jumbo? The regular flight is scheduled for oh three hundred tomorrow. +The regular flight is scheduled for oh three hundred tomorrow. Anything else? +Anything else? There's a sweep leaving Memphis in an hour, goes through Sydney. +My favorite doctor. What's the verdict? Under the circumstances your overall health is good. Those salt water boils you picked up on the raft are ulcerated, but they're healing nicely. +Sorry...sorry... Why do my joints still ache? Dehydration. Vitamin deficiency. Protein deficiency. Any or all of the above. +Dehydration. Vitamin deficiency. Protein deficiency. Any or all of the above. All I ate was fish. That's solid protein. +All I ate was fish. That's solid protein. Protein digestion is very costly in water usage. +Protein digestion is very costly in water usage. Which I didn't have. +Which I didn't have. And fish are very low in fat, which is energy inefficient. So you're going to burn up your own cells no matter how much you eat. Luckily you ate the eyes and pancreas, which contain some Vitamin C, so you didn't get scurvy. +I am one lucky guy. Your body chemistry and your exposure to the elements would normally lead to irritability, depression, anxiety, periods of self-reproach. It's almost like schizophrenia. Different sides of your personality might come to life, speak out, act out. +Your body chemistry and your exposure to the elements would normally lead to irritability, depression, anxiety, periods of self-reproach. It's almost like schizophrenia. Different sides of your personality might come to life, speak out, act out. But all that's behind me. I'm fine now. +If you say you are. I most definitely say I am. +I most definitely say I am. Doctor Hegel tells me he discussed the Vietnam POW syndrome with you. +Yes, yes he did. You are aware of the potential disruptiveness on your loved ones when you return to your old life? +You are aware of the potential disruptiveness on your loved ones when you return to your old life? Not to mention on me. +Doc, I'm not on the island. I'm not on the raft. I'm alive. I'm so glad to be back, I can't tell you. I just want out of here. Well, when that IV runs out, you're through with us. Just the dentist tomorrow. +Need some help? You bet I do. High tide comes right up to this road. +You're not out of Pascagoula, are you? No. +I used to drive one of those. A long time ago. Hey, once a driver, always a driver. You want a lift? I've just got one more pickup. +Hey, once a driver, always a driver. You want a lift? I've just got one more pickup. Sure. +You're Chuck Noland. Yeah. +Bless us O Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thou bounty, through Christ the Lord. Amen. Let's eat. +Thought you were going to bring her. So did I. +But chickens? Sixty three pounds consumed per capita, up from twenty seven in 1960. Going to pass beef. Chicken's global. No religious taboos. You don't see your Hindus and your Muslims boycotting poultry. +Sixty three pounds consumed per capita, up from twenty seven in 1960. Going to pass beef. Chicken's global. No religious taboos. You don't see your Hindus and your Muslims boycotting poultry. True enough. No sacred chickens nowhere, so far as I know. +Really? Come on down to the plant. It's state of the art. We're doing for chickens what FedEx did for the delivery business. +Come on down to the plant. It's state of the art. We're doing for chickens what FedEx did for the delivery business. Just don't count 'em before they hatch. +What happened to your pants? Mom, meet Jango. +It seemed like she had such a good time last time. It's nothing you did, Mom, believe me. +Look, I help take care of the place. You got my check, didn't you Mom? That new roof, that's your doing. +Mom, this is a farm. We've got real strawberries growing outside, we've got real cream. Oh no, the prodigal son's home. We bring out the store bought. +Maybe I should take a few days off. Roger's working now, you could use some help around here... Don't you even think about it. +Don't you even think about it. The place is falling apart. +The place is falling apart. I'm doing fine. +Doing great, Mom, don't worry about me. There's settled folks, and there's nomads. You're just not a settled folk. You never belonged here. +When'd you start working here? Roger got me on. I wasn't doing anything, and -- but you're back, you're really back. I would have come to Memphis, but -- +Roger got me on. I wasn't doing anything, and -- but you're back, you're really back. I would have come to Memphis, but -- I wanted to come here. +I've got all this back pay coming. Why don't you let me get you a place in town? This is my home. I'm part of the wallpaper. +What a journey you've had. It seems more than a person should have to bear. The tide saved me, Mom. I lived by it. I'm just wondering where it will take me next. +Trying. Kamal, you're breaking up. Can you hear us? +Okay. After three years the PTR reverts to tape storage, which is okay because we access it through the CPC. Here it is. Ten packages from the same sender. Baku. Delhi. St. Petersburg. The guy was a real road warrior. This package was Kuala Lampur. No activity in his account after this package. No forwarding addresses after K.L. What about the sender? +What about the sender? Sure. Bettina Peterson. Marfa, Texas. Let's run a current check. +Hmmm. Durango, Colorado; Asheville, North Carolina, then...canceled her account. Can you find her? +Can you find her? You're looking at a Level III search. For your Level III, you gotta have E-4 authorization. I don't have it. +Kamal is not here. Who is this? Where is Kamal? +Who is this? Where is Kamal? It is Ibrim, I, I am a sorter. +It is Ibrim, I, I am a sorter. What's going on down there? +What's going on down there? Kamal is not here. We are very defused. +Kamal is not here. We are very defused. Who's in charge then, where is Chinn? +What do you expect, from the guy who stole a kid's bicycle when his truck broke down? Borrowed. I borrowed it. +How'd it go? Great. Terrific. The good guys won one for a change. +You what? It was fifteen minutes late. +I checked the weather, you had the jet stream, you could have made it up. But I might not have. +But I might not have. Jesus. I got it working... You have no idea how hard it was... They're finally a team... +Jesus. I got it working... You have no idea how hard it was... They're finally a team... I'm touched. +I'm touched. You fucked us over. +You fucked us over. The point of FedEx, as I understand it, is to make the damn connection. +The point of FedEx, as I understand it, is to make the damn connection. I was making a point. +I was making a point. What? Let Paris hold its plane? Let Memphis take care of it? Let somebody down the line clean up your mess? +What? Let Paris hold its plane? Let Memphis take care of it? Let somebody down the line clean up your mess? Every person counts, every package counts, that's my point. +Every person counts, every package counts, that's my point. You know what your problem is? You just see the packages in front of you. You don't see the big picture. +You know what your problem is? You just see the packages in front of you. You don't see the big picture. "Baloney. I do see the damn ""big picture.""" +I didn't know we had sailboats. It's a ketch Kelly and I had chartered. +It's a ketch Kelly and I had chartered. For all those vacation days you got coming. +And never take. Look, I'm sorry about your plane. But I couldn't risk being late into Memphis. +Look, I'm sorry about your plane. But I couldn't risk being late into Memphis. Forget it. +Forget it. You know General McLelland, he wouldn't attack unless he had everything just right. Finally Abe Lincoln came to him and said, General, if you're not going to use my army, could I borrow it for a while? So he gave it to Grant and Grant just said, let's go. +You know General McLelland, he wouldn't attack unless he had everything just right. Finally Abe Lincoln came to him and said, General, if you're not going to use my army, could I borrow it for a while? So he gave it to Grant and Grant just said, let's go. I'm from Arkansas. Tell me a story with Robert E. Lee in it and maybe I'll pay attention. +I'm from Arkansas. Tell me a story with Robert E. Lee in it and maybe I'll pay attention. We're warriors, not desk jockeys. We've got to be bold. You always want all your ducks lined up. But nothing's 100 percent. It's always 60-40, maybe 51-49. Hell, I'd take 40-60. Then roll the dice. +We're warriors, not desk jockeys. We've got to be bold. You always want all your ducks lined up. But nothing's 100 percent. It's always 60-40, maybe 51-49. Hell, I'd take 40-60. Then roll the dice. That's why you're a gambling man. +That's why you're a gambling man. That's why I'm running foreign and you're not. That's why you're not married and I am. +That's why I'm running foreign and you're not. That's why you're not married and I am. For the third time. +For the third time. Take the plunge, admit your mistakes, move on to tomorrow. That's FedEx, that's women, that's life. +You are one sick fucker. I'm trying to help you here. There's Warsaw, there's this -- +I'm trying to help you here. There's Warsaw, there's this -- This was nothing like Warsaw. I held the truck then minutes, it's not that big a deal. +A hundred rubles St. Petersburg hits 95 percent in a month. Ninety five percent? Just give me the money now. +Ninety five percent? Just give me the money now. Talk is cheap. Are we on or not? +Talk is cheap. Are we on or not? We're on. +Malaysia's tanking. We're meeting in ten in operations. Right. Get me everything on Indonesia, New Guinea, all the way to Australia. +Hello? Stan, it's Chuck...Chuck Noland... +God damn! God damn! Chuck, it's you! It's me. +It's me. You're fucking dead! +You're fucking dead! I'm most definitely not dead. And as I recall, you're the sick fucker. +I beat the odds! You beat 'em to shit, pal! Jesus! +Hello. This is Amber. Her boyfriend lost his foot in a shark attack. +How about we go somewhere else? Want to see my raft? +This stinks really bad. You should have smelled me. +Cool ropes. I braided them. +I braided them. Must have taken a hell of a long time. +Must have taken a hell of a long time. Time I had lots of. +You were how long on this? Forty-three days. +When I first showed up, I thought you'd lost your fucking marbles. I never thought it would end. Then it did. It was so great to be saved, I couldn't stop laughing. +To Wilson. To Wilson. +You've been over the line and you came back. You've been saved, hallelujah! Hallelujah. +I'm serious. The burning bush, the big picture, the words in neon... What's it all about? It's about being so thirsty you'd crush a fish's backbone to suck out the spinal fluid -- that's what it's about. +To life. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. To life. +To life. That's all there is. +That's all there is. Believe me I know. +Digital laser readers. Digital laser readers. Wow. Terrific. +Take your time. What? +What? That's what it's about. +That's what it's about. Being patient. Don't rush things. I get it. +Not just that. Take your time. Use it. Live it. Deep, real deep. +What, then? Deliver this package. Then, I dunno. +Deliver this package. Then, I dunno. You want that delivered, we'll deliver it. That's what we do. +You want that delivered, we'll deliver it. That's what we do. I need to do it. +I need to do it. Finish what you started. You haven't changed, Chuck. It's still you. +Thanks. For everything. No sweat. +Permission to come aboard, sir. Permission granted. +Permission granted. May I ask, where are you bound? +May I ask, where are you bound? San Francisco. And you? +San Francisco. And you? As it happens, I'm headed for Frisco myself. +As it happens, I'm headed for Frisco myself. Would you do us the honor of joining us? We're just sitting down at mess. Pork chops and gravy, cranberries, baked potatoes with all the trimmings, fresh- baked bread, apple pie... +Would you do us the honor of joining us? We're just sitting down at mess. Pork chops and gravy, cranberries, baked potatoes with all the trimmings, fresh- baked bread, apple pie... No please, join me. Some sundried fish strips, a few eyeballs, some gills to munch on. +Only if you can afford it. Try to think of nothing, Dorothy. +It's not ergot, it's not pituitary extract, it's not oil of rue... It claims to restore monthly regularity. +Wilbur, the adopting couple is waiting in your office. Life is waiting. +I was dreaming about you. How beautiful you were! You weren't dreaming about me. +You weren't dreaming about me. I was! +Then I wasn't beautiful. You were! You *are*! It was fantastic. +You were! You *are*! It was fantastic. It was just the ether, Wilbur... +They want to replace me! The Board of Trustees wants to *replace* me! They just want you to hire some new help. +They just want you to hire some new help. "Some new *things* would be useful. I don't need any ""new help.""" +He'll need clothes... some money... "Let him try to *make* some money! That's part of ""seeing the world,"" isn't it?" +"Let him try to *make* some money! That's part of ""seeing the world,"" isn't it?" Oh, just stop it! You knew this was going to happen. He's a young man. +Oh, just stop it! You knew this was going to happen. He's a young man. He's still a boy--out in the world, he's still a boy. +He's still a boy--out in the world, he's still a boy. Just find him some clothes, Wilbur. He could use some clothes. +"He is a goddamn psychiatrist--of *course* he wants to ""help""! He'd be happy if he could help *commit* me!" It's that Mrs. Goodhall you have to be careful of, Wilbur. +It's that Mrs. Goodhall you have to be careful of, Wilbur. "One has to be more than ""careful"" of Mrs. Goodhall--she has sufficient Christian zeal to start her own country! I'd like to give her a little ether." +This is *your* life story, Wilbur! You just changed the dates! """An internship and two years of training at the Boston Lying-in, South End Branch. For his age, he was judged an accomplished gynecological obstetrical surgeon; he is also experienced in pediatric care...""" +"""An internship and two years of training at the Boston Lying-in, South End Branch. For his age, he was judged an accomplished gynecological obstetrical surgeon; he is also experienced in pediatric care...""" You *invented* him! You've completely made his up! +You *invented* him! You've completely made his up! "Don't you understand? The board is going to *replace* me! That's what the ""new blood"" is *for*!" +These *credentials* are against the law! We all know who trained Homer--his credentials are as good as mine are. Don't you be holy to me about the *law*! What has the law done for any of us here? +Oh my, yes! This is a *far* superior taste--and crisp, too! You know, so many apples are disappointingly mealy. I wonder of most of the apples in my life weren't meant for pies! Wilbur, he picked them for us himself... +Wilbur, he picked them for us himself... You don't find it depressing that Homer Wells is picking apples? +I suppose it wouldn't hurt to *meet* him. What's his name again? Dr. Homer Wells. +Dr. Homer Wells. I just hope he won't expect us to say *Grace* all the time. +He *sniffs* that ether! I've seen him do it! It's because he's too tired to sleep. He has to. +It's because he's too tired to sleep. He has to. He *smells* like he could put you to sleep! +He *smells* like he could put you to sleep! He's a doctor, Buster--doctors smell like ether. +He's a doctor, Buster--doctors smell like ether. *You're* a doctor, Homer--you don't smell like ether. +*You're* a doctor, Homer--you don't smell like ether. I'm *not* a doctor. I haven't been to medical school--I haven't even been to high school! +I'm *not* a doctor. I haven't been to medical school--I haven't even been to high school! But you've studied with the old man for *years*! +But you've studied with the old man for *years*! I'm *not* a doctor! +I'm *not* a doctor! I'm sorry, Homer. +I mean your parents. I know who you mean. I think about leaving here, but not to find *them*. +I know who you mean. I think about leaving here, but not to find *them*. Why not? +Why not? Whoever they were, they didn't *do* any of the things parents are supposed to do. Dr. Larch did those things, and Nurse Edna, and Nurse Angela. +Whoever they were, they didn't *do* any of the things parents are supposed to do. Dr. Larch did those things, and Nurse Edna, and Nurse Angela. Yeah. But sometimes I wish I could meet mine, anyway. +Yeah. But sometimes I wish I could meet mine, anyway. What for, Buster? What would you do if you met them? +What for, Buster? What would you do if you met them? Uh... I'd like to show them that I can cook, a little. +Uh... I'd like to show them that I can cook, a little. You cook very well! +You cook very well! And that I can drive a truck! +And that I can drive a truck! Better than I can! +Better than I can! Sometimes I want to meet them so I can kill them. Just sometimes. +Homer, you know I would never kill anyone--you know I wouldn't. I know. +I think Mary Agnes could kill someone. I doubt it. She's just an... +What's she so emotional about? I don't know. She got left here, like the rest of us, didn't she? +What'd she die of? She died of *secrecy*, she died of *ignorance*... +What are you going to tell the little ones? I'll tell them Fuzzy was adopted. +I'll tell them Fuzzy was adopted. Why would the little ones believe that *anyone* would adopt him? +Why would the little ones believe that *anyone* would adopt him? They'll believe it because they want to believe it. +They'll believe it because they want to believe it. Shouldn't we tell Homer? +Shouldn't we tell Homer? If Homer wanted to know what was happening here, he could pick up a telephone and call us. +It's time somebody ate *them*. I was lookin' for Wally's letter. I was gonna show it to Homer... They made him a captain already-- *Captain* Worthington! +I was lookin' for Wally's letter. I was gonna show it to Homer... They made him a captain already-- *Captain* Worthington! Daddy, it's a letter to *me*. +Daddy, it's a letter to *me*. He mentions Homer, too, you know. +He mentions Homer, too, you know. "Wally said to say, ""Hello.""" +It's gettin' late. I think I'll pack it in. Good night, Daddy. +How about him not needin' the friggin' compass! How about that? Daddy, *please*... +Good night, kids. Don't catch cold-- it's gettin' cold already. Good night, Daddy. +So, Mrs... Candy. Candy Kendall. +How many months are you? Two. +Is your family in the apple business, too? No, but I work there--I like it. My dad's a lobsterman. +No, but I work there--I like it. My dad's a lobsterman. I've never seen a lobster. +I've never seen a lobster. Really? +Really? I've never seen the ocean, either. +I know. He's going to be dropping bombs on Mandalay! They're going to be shooting at him! +He's going to be dropping bombs on Mandalay! They're going to be shooting at him! Where's Mandalay? +Where's Mandalay? Burma! +Burma! Oh... +Oh... I can't have a baby alone. I don't even know if he's coming back! +I can't have a baby alone. I don't even know if he's coming back! I understand. +I'm a little worried about the... ...about how much bleeding is okay. It should taper off tomorrow, but it can come back again. You have cramps? They'll ease up, almost entirely. As long as the bleeding isn't heavy, it's normal. +I guess I'll see you around the orchards. Thanks for everything. Sure... I'll see you around. +So. Not bored yet? I'm *never* bored! It's all very... different for me... here. +Uh... have you been *feeling* okay? When I'm not thinking about Wally. I'm not good at being alone. Oh, goodness. You meant... yes, I'm fine. I... ...I don't suppose you've seen a lobster yet. +You have to come to my dad's lobster pound and see one, then. Okay... +I better go. I don't think Mr. Rose would leave without you. +A movie *outside*? Yes. But it's closed all the time now, because of the blackout. +Yes. But it's closed all the time now, because of the blackout. People watched the movies in their cars? +People watched the movies in their cars? When they watched at all. Do you like movies? +When they watched at all. Do you like movies? Yes! I've only seen one, though. +You've seen only one movie? Which one? """King Kong"". It's really good." +But you looked as if you liked it. "I *did* like it. All I said was, ""It's not 'King Kong'.""" +First she loved him, then she didn't, then no one else could have him... She *did* love him! How many women have you known? +And what did she die of, exactly? She was torn apart! She died of a broken heart. +She was torn apart! She died of a broken heart. Oh, sure! +What's the *medical* explanation? "Well, she was in a weakened condition... I don't know! What about ""King Kong""?! Is that medically possible?" +You're a natural. You were born to drive a car like this. You think? Maybe I was. I love this place! +The screen is enormous! Imagine King Kong up *there*! Have you seen a lot of movies here? Yes... and no. When you come here, you don't really care about the movie. +What are you so crazy about the movies for? It was my favorite night at the orphanage--movie night. We'd race into the dining hall. Of course everyone wanted to sit in front, so we'd be packed in so tight you could feel the kid next to you breathing. +It was my favorite night at the orphanage--movie night. We'd race into the dining hall. Of course everyone wanted to sit in front, so we'd be packed in so tight you could feel the kid next to you breathing. At least you were never lonely. +At least you were never lonely. I didn't say that. Growing up in an orphanage, you're always lonely. You're just never alone. +You don't miss it? I miss things. I miss... people. I miss reading to the boys. +I miss things. I miss... people. I miss reading to the boys. But you had so much *responsibility*. +But you had so much *responsibility*. I never *asked* for any responsibility. +I never *asked* for any responsibility. Just a little privacy. +Privacy is exactly the point of drive- in movies. Did you come here with Wally--to *not* watch movies? +Sometimes... movies mostly bore Wally. Ah-ha. So what is that--a radio? +Ah-ha. So what is that--a radio? The *speaker*. For the movie sound. +How could you not *care* about the movie? You just cuddle. You come to hug... to kiss. You don't *come* here to watch the movie. +You just cuddle. You come to hug... to kiss. You don't *come* here to watch the movie. That's what *I'd* come here for. I'd watch the movie. +That's what *I'd* come here for. I'd watch the movie. Not with the right girl you wouldn't. +Aren't you worried that people will cut their feet? Nobody will swim here until next summer. By then, the water will have rubbed the glass smooth against the sand--there won't be any sharp edges. +I *know* this was right. Right. +Just tell me. Do you want me to go? Do you want me to stay? It will be okay. +It will be okay. *What* will be okay? +*What* will be okay? We have to wait and see. I think that, for *everything* in life, you have to wait and see. +Olive told me. You might have told me yourself. I'm just waiting and seeing. Like you said. +Do you think I'm having a good time? Do you think I'm just *teasing* you? Do you think I *know* whether I want you or Wally? "So we should ""wait and see."" For how long?" +"So we should ""wait and see."" For how long?" I grew up with Wally. I began my adult life with him. +I grew up with Wally. I began my adult life with him. Fine. That's all there is to it then. +Fine. That's all there is to it then. No! That's not all there is to it! I love you, too--I *know* I do. +No! That's not all there is to it! I love you, too--I *know* I do. Okay, okay--I know you do, too. +Okay, okay--I know you do, too. It's a good thing I didn't have that baby, isn't it? +We should take her to St. Cloud's. That much is obvious, isn't it? Let her make up her mind when she gets there... I told her! She doesn't feel she can do that. Something about her father not letting her go anywhere... +I told her! She doesn't feel she can do that. Something about her father not letting her go anywhere... Well, we have to help her! +She won't go to St. Cloud's! Well, we can't force her. It's her decision. +Well, we can't force her. It's her decision. You don't understand! It's her father... +You don't understand! It's her father... Mr. Rose *knows*? +Mr. Rose *knows*? He's the *father*! He's her baby's father! +Wait... *wait*! Are you sure? We've got to keep her away from that bastard! +Just tell me. I'll do whatever you want to do. Nothing. +Nothing. Isn't that like waiting and seeing? +Isn't that like waiting and seeing? No. Nothing is nothing. I want Wally to come home. I'm afraid to see him, too. +No. Nothing is nothing. I want Wally to come home. I'm afraid to see him, too. I know. Is *that* nothing. +I know. Is *that* nothing. No, don't--that's something. Nothing is nothing. Don't even look at me. I want... +Please don't move, don't go anywhere. *Go* anywhere? Of course not! That would be *doing* something, wouldn't it? We wouldn't want to *do* something. Let's just sit here all night! +*Go* anywhere? Of course not! That would be *doing* something, wouldn't it? We wouldn't want to *do* something. Let's just sit here all night! If you're trying to be funny, Homer... +If you're trying to be funny, Homer... I'm not trying to be anything--I'm just doing nothing! If I wait and see long enough, then--with any luck-- I won't *ever* have to make up my mind! Decisions can be painful, after all... +Stop it! Just cut it out! You got up! You *did* something! If you keep this up, you might be in danger of making a *decision*! +You got up! You *did* something! If you keep this up, you might be in danger of making a *decision*! For God's sake, Homer, Wally's been shot down! +I know, I'm sorry. He's *paralyzed*! +He's *paralyzed*! He's *alive*. He still loves you. So do I. +He's *alive*. He still loves you. So do I. What do you want me to *do*? +Please don't make me say it again. No, that's not it--I just want to be sure I understand you. +I *helped* you not to think about Wally. You were so upset--you couldn't stand worrying about him, about his being killed and not coming back-- but when you were with me, you could stop worrying... well, for a while, anyway. This is how I helped you, right? Please... that's enough. I *loved* you, too--you know I did. +Please... that's enough. I *loved* you, too--you know I did. """...did."" Well, okay." +"""...did."" Well, okay." Please don't... +Please don't... And now that Wally's coming back, and because he'll certainly *need* you... +And now that Wally's coming back, and because he'll certainly *need* you... You say that as though it's some awful thing! I never stopped loving Wally! +Do you think she'll be all right? She knows how to take care of herself. +This came for you a couple of days ago. Olive asked me to bring it. With everything happening, I guess she forgot. Sure. Thanks. +I know you don't think much of being needed, or of me for that matter... I'm sorry for what I said about Wally needing you. It was... unnecessary. +I'm sorry for what I said about Wally needing you. It was... unnecessary. No, I'm the one who should be sorry. You have every right to be angry. +No, I'm the one who should be sorry. You have every right to be angry. No. You warned me. I didn't listen, but you warned me. +How is that Wally doing? Oh, he's fine! I just heard from him. He's bombing all these places... +Hi... Hi... +I've got some more clothes for you-- I just keep forgetting to bring them with me. I don't need no more clothes, thank you. +I don't need no more clothes, thank you. Rose, I know what's going on. Homer told me. I got pregnant, too--about a year ago. I've been through this. +You ain't been through what I been through, Candy. Yes, I *have*! +I know where you can go. Homer and I can take you... I can't go nowhere. +I can't go nowhere. Why? +You can trust me. Is it Jack? It's not Jack, is it? It's *Muddy*! Is it Muddy? No. It ain't Muddy. Muddy's just... +So many children. Are they all orphans? Well, this *is* an orphanage. +I'm okay--I can walk. I don't want you to walk--I want to carry you. Should I put the top up? It might get cold. +I don't want you to walk--I want to carry you. Should I put the top up? It might get cold. No--keep it down. I want to feel the air. +Wally thinks apples are boring. I never said they were boring. +I never said they were boring. "You said, ""Apples aren't exactly flying.""" +"You said, ""Apples aren't exactly flying.""" Well, they aren't. +There! You said it was boring. Well, *picking* them is! It's about as exciting as... walking! +I love you, Wally. I love you, too. See you tomorrow. +I was just showing Homer the orchards... kind of a geography lesson. I know what you've been doing. +You've been giving him a *flying* lesson! He *loved* it! Didn't you? +He thinks people *like* to get whacked by branches. *Homer* liked it! Didn't you? +I thought they might take me. They wanted a girl. +They wanted a girl. Nobody ever wants me! +You're one of the best, Curly--we couldn't let just anyone take you. Dr. Larch wouldn't let just anyone take *any* of us! +Dr. Larch wouldn't let just anyone take *any* of us! That's true. +That's true. Nobody's asked for me, have they? +Nobody's asked for me, have they? Nobody special enough, Curly. +Nobody special enough, Curly. You mean somebody asked? +You mean somebody asked? Only the right people can have you, Curly. +Her temperature is a hundred and four. How old are you, dear? Thirteen? +That's a heavy sedation. You *bet* it's a heavy sedation! The fetus is unexpelled, her uterus is punctured, she has acute peritonitis, and there's a foreign object. I think it's a crochet hook. +I don't know! He's just leaving-- you're the one who says he needs to see the world! *That's* what he'll do--he'll see the world! He's leaving... +"""Homer Wells, born Portland, Maine, March 2, 1915...""" Homer was born *here*, in, what was it, 1922? +Homer was born *here*, in, what was it, 1922? """...graduated Bowdoin College, 1935, and Harvard School of Medicine, 1939.""" +You mean they'll replace you with someone who won't perform abortions. Well, we can only guess about that, Edna. They *are* against the law. +So here is my candidate. What do you think? But what about school records? Homer doesn't have any *diplomas*... +Or that he can't be bothered to write us a proper letter? A dissertation on apples, we don't need! He probably doesn't make much money picking apples--he must have had to pay to send them, too. +He probably doesn't make much money picking apples--he must have had to pay to send them, too. I wouldn't worry, Edna, that he doesn't have money. If he gets hungry, he can pick his dinner! +I just wanted to ask you... Edna! Come dance with me! Let's be foolish tonight. +Edna! Come dance with me! Let's be foolish tonight. Does he *know* he's supposed to be in India? Does he even *want* to come back? +Is *your* father dead? Cirrhosis--it's a disease of the liver. +Cirrhosis--it's a disease of the liver. *Liver* killed him? +*Liver* killed him? *Alcohol* killed him--he drank himself to death. +*Alcohol* killed him--he drank himself to death. But did you know him? +But did you know him? Barely. It hardly mattered that I knew him. +Barely. It hardly mattered that I knew him. Did you know your mother better? +Did you know your mother better? She's dead now, too. She was a nanny. +She's dead now, too. She was a nanny. What's a nanny do? +What's a nanny do? She looks after other people's children. +She looks after other people's children. Did you grow up around here? +Did you grow up around here? No. She was an immigrant. +No. She was an immigrant. What's an immigrant? +What's an immigrant? Someone not from Maine. +Homer... doesn't King Kong think the woman is his *mother*? Uh, sure--that's what Kong thinks, all right. +Uh, sure--that's what Kong thinks, all right. That's why Kong loves her! +"""I was a posthumous child. My father's eyes had closed upon the light of this world six months, when mine opened on it.""" His father's dead, right? +Uh... it's the end of October. Is that soon? +Don't get too excited, Fuzzy. Why can't we have pumpkins for Christmas, too? We don't get any good presents at Christmas, anyway. +Did you bite it? I don't remember. +I don't remember. It looks like you bit it--it'll be all right. +It looks like you bit it--it'll be all right. Maybe I was kissing someone and he bit me. +Maybe I was kissing someone and he bit me. No, you did it yourself. Maybe in your sleep. +No, you did it yourself. Maybe in your sleep. I must have been *dreaming* of kissing someone. +I'm sorry. They're not used to seeing a car like this. It's okay--I don't mind. +So, now, uh... you're not... I mean, do *you* do the-- No. Dr. Larch will be performing the procedure. +No. Dr. Larch will be performing the procedure. Ah, well... okay. Good! I just wondered... +What kind of plane are you flying? A B-24 Liberator. +A B-24 Liberator. Liberator... +Liberator... Have you enlisted? +Have you enlisted? They wouldn't take me. I'm Class IV-- I've got a heart defect. +They wouldn't take me. I'm Class IV-- I've got a heart defect. Really! Is it serious? +Really! Is it serious? No, it's not serious. I'm just not supposed to get excited. You know-- no strain, no stress. I try to keep calm all the time. +Has anyone offered you anything to eat? Actually, someone did. I just didn't think I could eat anything. +I wonder if you might give me a ride. Sure! Be glad to! Uh... a ride where? +Sure! Be glad to! Uh... a ride where? Where are you going? +Where are you going? We're heading back to Cape Kenneth. +I think I'd probably like the apple business. You're a little overqualified, aren't you? +You're a little overqualified, aren't you? No, I'm not. I need a job. +No, I'm not. I need a job. The only jobs are picking jobs. Picking apples is truly boring. +This is all normal. Don't worry. The abortion procedure... it affects you. It's the ether, too. It'll take a little time. I don't *have* any time. There's a *war*! +I don't *have* any time. There's a *war*! It's all very normal. +"""Burma run"" because you fly over Burma..." *And* over the Himalayas. That's called flying over the hump. +At what altitude? I've got thirty-five minutes to climb to fifteen thousand feet--that's the first mountain pass. +What lousy luck--I mean your orders... to draw an assignment like that! Actually, I volunteered. +Uh, look... if you're serious about wanting a job, picking apples isn't that boring. Oh, I would love that, Wally. +They're migrants. Migrants? +Migrants? Yes. They pick fruit, all kinds. They travel up and down the coast with the seasons. The trick to Mr. Rose is, you have to let him be the boss. +It's almost like flying. What about the trees? +What about the trees? The trees are flak--antiaircraft fire from those geeks on the ground. +Uh... I'm shipping out sooner than I thought. I just wanted to be sure you were settled in--and happy enough, considering... Are you bored stiff? Or can you stick it out for a bit? Uh... actually, picking apples is as much excitement as I want for a while. I'm grateful for the job. +Uh... actually, picking apples is as much excitement as I want for a while. I'm grateful for the job. You're the one who's helping *me*, Homer. You're going to give my mom a little peace of mind while I'm gone. Candy, too. +You're the one who's helping *me*, Homer. You're going to give my mom a little peace of mind while I'm gone. Candy, too. Well, sure... that's good, then. All I mean is, I'm lucky I met you. +Well, sure... that's good, then. All I mean is, I'm lucky I met you. I don't think so, Homer. *I'm* the lucky one. +So. What should I do now? Out back, there's a shed. It's just a mess. If that shed was better organized, I could put my truck in there. +It's big enough to keep you out of the war, I suppose. Ain't that right? Right. +Stop it, Homer. They aren't our rules. We didn't write them. I don't see no reason to read them. Okay... +That's better. I can tell you got yourself some education. Them's good hands you got, Homer. Them hands you got, they know what they're doin'-- ain't that right? I guess so... +Are we supposed to be up here? The rules said... Homer, you the only one who's read them rules, so you the only one who feels like he's doin' somethin' wrong. +Cider don't have no taste till later in October--it's too watery now, when we're usin' just them early Macs and them Gravensteins. You don't get no *good* cider till you're pickin' them Golden Delicious and them Winter Bananas, them Baldwins and them Russerts... What about the worms? Most of these apples are the drops--off the ground, right? There have to be worms. +What about the worms? Most of these apples are the drops--off the ground, right? There have to be worms. Of *course* there's worms, Homer! And what is them worms, really? They just *protein*, them worms! They is *good* for you! +Slow down, Homer--don't be in such a big hurry. This is easy--I'm not hurrying. +This is easy--I'm not hurrying. You still doin' it too fast! +I didn't see where you was pickin' this mornin', Homer, but you musta worked up a big appetite. You look like you're serious about gettin' to your lunch today! Is it true? +I think you been stayin' up too late at night, Homer. You're actually having sex with your own little girl? Is that possible? +You're actually having sex with your own little girl? Is that possible? Ain't nobody havin' *sex* with my little girl, Homer--that's somethin' a father knows. +Ain't nobody havin' *sex* with my little girl, Homer--that's somethin' a father knows. You're lying. How can you... with your own daughter! +Homer, don't you know what business you in? You don't wanna go into no business with me, Homer--ain't that right? Go on, cut my clothes. I've got other clothes. +But she's your *daughter*... And I *love* her! There ain't nobody else gonna treat her as good as I do! I wouldn't do nothin' to hurt her, Homer--you must know that. +Please listen to me! *Both* of you... You forget yourself, Homer. This here's my daughter! You got your own mess to deal with--ain't that right? +What business is you in, Homer? Mr. Rose, I'm in the *doctor* business. If you want, I can help you. You don't have to go anywhere. +What's that? What's it called? One cervical stabilizer, two sets of dilators--Douglas points. One medium- sized curette, one small; one medium speculum, one large; two vulsellum forceps. +One cervical stabilizer, two sets of dilators--Douglas points. One medium- sized curette, one small; one medium speculum, one large; two vulsellum forceps. There ain't no *almost* about this stuff, Homer--ain't that right? +Merthiolate, ether, vulval pads, gauze--lots of gauze. When it comes to this, you is the real thing--is that what you sayin'? +I'm stayin', Homer. Okay. Then you can be of use. +If that was your knife, Muddy, I wanna thank you for givin' it to her-- no girl should be goin' *hitch-hikin'* if she don't got a good knife with her. Where'd she get you? +Where'd she get you? She just plan misunderstand me--I was tryin' to give her my knife, I was just reachin' to touch her hand. But I understand if she misunderstand me--it's all my fault, ain't that right? +There's more than one laceration, more than one cut. That's 'cause I sticked my *own* knife in the wound--after she go, I sticked my *own* knife in there. I poked it all around, I just tryin' to find the same place she got me. +Let me hear you say that! I so unhappy she runned away that I killed myself-- that what happen here, ain't that right? Right? +First pregnancy? Yes, for both. +Yes, for both. I presume you'd prefer handling the delivery. +I presume you'd prefer handling the delivery. All I said was, I don't want to perform abortions. I have no argument with *you* performing them. +All I said was, I don't want to perform abortions. I have no argument with *you* performing them. You know *how* to help these women-- how can you not feel *obligated* to help them when they can't get help anywhere else? +You know *how* to help these women-- how can you not feel *obligated* to help them when they can't get help anywhere else? One: it's illegal. Two: I didn't ask how to do it--you just showed me. +One: it's illegal. Two: I didn't ask how to do it--you just showed me. What *else* could I have showed you, Homer? The only thing I can teach you is what I know! In every life, you've got to be of use. +There was no visible wound? No. The fetus was dead. Her uterus was virtually *disintegrating*--my stitches pulled right through the tissue! +No. The fetus was dead. Her uterus was virtually *disintegrating*--my stitches pulled right through the tissue! It looks like scurvy. +It looks like scurvy. Scurvy! Ah yes, the curse of the old- time sailor, suffering long periods at sea with no fresh fruits or vegetables. Homer, Dorothy isn't a *sailor*! +It's obviously an aborticide. Obviously. +Christ, it's oil of tansy! I don't know it. +I don't know it. If you take enough of it, your intestines lose their ability to absorb Vitamin C. +If you take enough of it, your intestines lose their ability to absorb Vitamin C. In other words, scurvy. +In other words, scurvy. "Good boy. Good job. And you call yourself ""not a doctor""! Keep an eye on her--she's in trouble." +Fuzzy is not uncommon. I tell you, there's something about the premature babies of alcoholic mothers. They seem susceptible to every damn thing that comes along. I haven't read that. +I haven't read that. I haven't, either. But you *will*. The morons who write the books should do a little research *here*. +I haven't, either. But you *will*. The morons who write the books should do a little research *here*. But isn't Fuzzy just... well, underdeveloped? +But isn't Fuzzy just... well, underdeveloped? "When *doesn't* he have bronchitis? I wouldn't call his bronchial infections ""underdeveloped."" Would you?" +Where's the name sheet? Nobody's named this one yet. +Nobody's named this one yet. It's my turn! +He doesn't like it. He's a boy, That's why. Can't a boy be a Dorrit? +Can't a boy be a Dorrit? I don't think so. +I don't think so. You do it then. +Henceforth you shall be... Little Wilbur. "I'm not crazy about the ""Little...""" +Okay, he's just a Wilbur then. We haven't had a Wilbur here in a year or so, have we? We used to have *dozens*! +I thought you took care of this. It always breaks in the same place. It's your splice, isn't it? It's *your* splice! You blame me for everything! +I thought it was my turn. It is. I'll get this. You go ahead. +How about expecting people to be responsible enough to control themselves to begin with? How about this child? You expect *her* to be responsible? +It's just a marvel to me that you still have such high expectations of people. I'm happy I amuse you. +I'm happy I amuse you. Try to look at it this way. What choice does Buster have? What are his options? Nobody will ever adopt him. +Try to look at it this way. What choice does Buster have? What are his options? Nobody will ever adopt him. Try to look at it *this* way. Buster and I are sitting right here beside you. We could have ended up in the incinerator! +Try to look at it *this* way. Buster and I are sitting right here beside you. We could have ended up in the incinerator! Happy to be alive, under any circumstances--is that your point? +Doubtless you'll let me know what immensely worthwhile or at least *useful* thing it is that you find to do. I wasn't intending to leave here in order to be entirely useless--I expect I'll find some ways to be of use. +I wasn't intending to leave here in order to be entirely useless--I expect I'll find some ways to be of use. In other parts of the world, I suppose there are other ways. +In other parts of the world, I suppose there are other ways. Of course. +Of course. Are you really so *stupid* that you imagine you're going to find a more gratifying life? What you're going to find is people like the poor people who get left here--only nobody takes care of them as well! And you won't be able to take care of them, either. There's no taking care of *anybody*-- not out there! +Are you really so *stupid* that you imagine you're going to find a more gratifying life? What you're going to find is people like the poor people who get left here--only nobody takes care of them as well! And you won't be able to take care of them, either. There's no taking care of *anybody*-- not out there! You know I'm grateful for everything you've done for me... +You know I'm grateful for everything you've done for me... I don't need your gratitude. +I don't need this--I know all about my condition. It's your heart--you ought to take it with you. +I am not a doctor. You know everything I know, plus what you've taught yourself--you're a better doctor then I am and you know it! +What I mean is... I would like it very much if you thought you could be happy here, Homer. Mrs. Worthington, I feel I'm very lucky to be here. +Mrs. Worthington, I feel I'm very lucky to be here. There's not a lot of work in the winter, and you'll have to tolerate Vernon--even Wally despises him, and Wally likes everyone. +I think Wally will be fine, Mrs. Worthington--he seems indestructible to me. I don't know. Just promise me one thing. +Uh... sure. Just promise me that, if there's a blizzard, you'll move into Wally's room until it's over. +Good-bye, Arthur. Homer, I'll see you tomorrow? Right. +Don't mess in this, Homer, if you know what's good for you. How long's this been going on, Muddy? +How long's this been going on, Muddy? Long enough. You ain't gonna stop it. +"""One: Please don't smoke in bed.""" We heard that one already, Homer. +We heard that one already, Homer. """Two: Please don't go up to the roof to eat your lunch.""" +Thanks, guys... I'd like to go with you. But I've got to move on. Yeah, well... you could move on with *us*, man! You could move on somewhere *warm*! +Rose Rose? Pretty, ain't it? You a plumber? +What's that? It's just my heart. +It's just my heart. What you got a picture of your heart for? +There's a little something wrong with it. Just this part here--the right ventricle. It's slightly enlarged. So what? +So what? Yes, so what. It's nothing serious, really. Just a small defect. +Do you like to read? I can't read. Nobody taught me. +You ain't gettin' in no trouble, I hope. No trouble. +I'm not in trouble. Yeah, you is. I know when people is in trouble, and you is. +Give men that. I know how to do it. Oh, I suppose you is a doctor, Homer? +Oh, I suppose you is a doctor, Homer? Almost. +You okay, Rose? I guess you must like watchin' me be sick... +I guess you must like watchin' me be sick... I don't like watching anyone be sick. +You're not yet three months, are you? Not yet. What do you know about it? +Not yet. What do you know about it? I know more than I want to know about it. Who's the father? +I know more than I want to know about it. Who's the father? Don't trouble yourself about it, Homer--this ain't your business. +Don't trouble yourself about it, Homer--this ain't your business. But you don't look very happy. +But you don't look very happy. *Happy*! What are you thinkin'? How am I supposed to take care of a baby! I can't have a baby. +*Happy*! What are you thinkin'? How am I supposed to take care of a baby! I can't have a baby. Rose, please listen. Whatever you want to do, I can help you. +What I mean is, if you don't want to... keep the baby, I know a place where you can go. You think Daddy's gonna let me go anywhere? I ain't going *nowhere*. +Why don't you just go back to your pickin', Homer? I can take care of it myself! Rose, listen--don't *do* anything. You know, I mean to yourself. Please listen... +That's *it*? That's it. +That's it. It means nothin' at all! And all this time I been *wonderin'* about it! +Who cares? Now, now. He's a good boy. +Now, now. He's a good boy. Shit. We don't know what he is. +Shit. We don't know what he is. Jack, you gotta watch your language 'round my daughter. +I bet the view looks better from the Worthin'tons'. You think so, Jack? Well... I wouldn't want to be in that Wally's shoes tonight. +That just ain't right, Jack--your cigarette's gonna end up in nine or ten gallons of this batch of cider! That ain't right. Them people drinkin' that cider, they don't know there's a cigarette in there! +Them people drinkin' that cider, they don't know there's a cigarette in there! It's not that hard to find it in there, Jack--it'll take you just a minute. You just gotta go fishin'. +It's not that hard to find it in there, Jack--it'll take you just a minute. You just gotta go fishin'. You mean *swimmin'*. I ain't goin' in that vat to fish out no cigarette! +You mean *swimmin'*. I ain't goin' in that vat to fish out no cigarette! What business is you in, Jack? Just tell me what your business is... +Do you know him? *No*! I don't want to know him! He's doing *missionary* work--in *India*! I wrote him *weeks* ago, but he's either too holy or too busy to answer. Maybe he got killed in the war! +I fail to see how someone courageous enough to make a commitment to a foreign mission is automatically to be dismissed--that part of the world requires precisely the kind of dedication that is needed here. Does it *snow* in Bombay? One winter here and we'll be shipping him south, in a *coffin*! +Does it *snow* in Bombay? One winter here and we'll be shipping him south, in a *coffin*! You can't think that a man who has *served* under such conditions as exist over there will be in the slightest daunted by a little *snow*-- have you no idea how harsh and primitive and full of *disease* that part of the world is? +You can't think that a man who has *served* under such conditions as exist over there will be in the slightest daunted by a little *snow*-- have you no idea how harsh and primitive and full of *disease* that part of the world is? Then I suppose we can look forward to catching various diseases from him! +I fail to see how a little Christianity could *hurt* anyone here! Anyway, I was just showing you this guy as an example of what's available-- I didn't think you'd be interested. +When the plane was hit, the crew chief and the radioman jumped close together. The copilot jumped third. All on Captain Worthington's orders-- the captain was still flying the plane. None of the men of the ground could see the sky--that's how thick the jungle was. They never saw the plane crash--they never *heard* it crash. They never saw Captain Worthington's parachute, either. Why was he missing for twenty days? +Why was he missing for twenty days? Because the crew thought he'd gone down with the plane. They were hospitalized for almost a week in China before they were flown back to India. It wasn't until that they sorted through their gear... +Then it's malaria? It's encephalitis B. He's recovering at Mount Lavinia Hospital, Ceylon. Uh... Captain Worthington is paralyzed. Waist down. He won't walk. +No autonomic effects... that's correct. When will he be home, Major? +When will he be home, Major? Four weeks or so, right around Halloween. +They told me I was too old to serve. They told Muddy his feet was too flat! +Ain't you gonna see what it is, Homer? Mind your own business, Peaches. +Mind your own business, Peaches. Sorry, Homer... +You all take care of yourself, too, Homer! We see you next harvest. +Don't this place look like home? It look nicer then home! +It look nicer then home! What have you two been doin' to make it look so nice? +You pickin' nothin' but cider apples, Peaches--I hope you understand that. They ain't drops--I picked 'em off the tree! +They ain't drops--I picked 'em off the tree! Then you pickin' 'em too fast--they ain't no better than drops to me. See that bruise, and that one? *Half* of these is bruised! Look at this one! It ain't got no stem! You might as well *step* on 'em, too--they only good for cider. +They're *outrageous*, them rules! Who *live* here in this cider house, Peaches? Who grind them apples, who press that cider, who clean up the mess, and who just plain *live* here... just breathin' in the vinegar? Somebody who *don't* live here made them rules. Them rules ain't for *us*. *We* the ones who make up them rules. We makin' our *own* rules, every day. Ain't that right, Homer? +Where's your manners? Make room for Homer, so's he can enjoy the view. What view? +*What* view? Well, Muddy, we can look at all these angry stars Homer's been readin' to us about. +Don't let us make you nervous or nothin'--we know you gotta job to do. Yeah, we can wait all night for the water to come back on--you just go on and take your time. +It's that Vernon--he keeps askin' where you and Homer and Rose Rose is at. Tell that Vernon to mind his own business, Muddy. +Tell that Vernon to mind his own business, Muddy. I told him that you all is sick. +I told him that you all is sick. Tell him what you want, Muddy--*you* is the crew boss today. +She's *good* with that knife! She's real fast. She's a lot better with that knife than *you* is, Muddy! And who do you suppose taught her? *You* taught her, I suppose... +*You* taught her, I suppose... That's right! A girl's gotta know how to defend herself, don't she? +That what happen--you lost you only daughter so's you killed yourself! That's what we say, all right. That's right. I know you understand how I feel, Homer--you is breakin' them rules, too. Ain't that right? +Daddy, I'd like to be in that Wally's shoes *every* night. You lucky you in your work boots tonight, girl... +You lucky you in your work boots tonight, girl... What's lucky about that? +That sounds like you is in trouble already, Homer. That's right--that sounds like trouble to me. +We should drown that damn Jack in the vat! Now, now, darlin'... Jack just needs to know what business he's in. +Now, now, darlin'... Jack just needs to know what business he's in. Yeah, you really showed him, Daddy-- you just about cut your own hand off, and all you cut off *him* was his clothes! +Yeah, you really showed him, Daddy-- you just about cut your own hand off, and all you cut off *him* was his clothes! You oughta know you don't go to jail for cuttin' a guy's *clothes*. Ain't that right, Homer? +Now, now, Jack--that just ain't right. You just stay out of trouble, Homer! +Where do you think you're going? You gotta let me go, Daddy. Please... +You ain't goin' nowhere in the middle of the night, girl! I ain't your business no more, Daddy. Please let me go. +You just go inside, Homer. We don't need no help. That's right, Homer. This ain't your business. +That Candy--she's the nicest girl I know! She's about the most beautiful girl I ever seen--I don't know if she's the nicest. +You're lucky he didn't cut your *nipples* off, man. The good news, Jack, is you're half- undressed for *swimmin'*... +The good news, Jack, is you're half- undressed for *swimmin'*... Yeah, that cigarette ain't hard to find when you're properly undressed. +Rose Rose has runned away! She took off in the night! +She took off in the night! She took off on the bicycle, man. +You ever see a palm tree, Homer? He ain't never been outta Maine! +But I'm not that late. You didn't have to give away my seat. I wasn't sure if you'd make it. +Thanks for playing along. I just have to sit for a while. Tough day? +Tough day? Brutal day. They say the streets are lined with money down here, but I guess you have to know the secret handshake. What are you drinking? +Brutal day. They say the streets are lined with money down here, but I guess you have to know the secret handshake. What are you drinking? Uh, Maker's Mark. Rocks. +My name's Grant. Grant Ashby. Oh god. I'm overbearing and rude. Lily. Lily Finn. +So, what do you do? It's more like what aren't I doing. My partners and I are trying to secure start up capital for a small tech company. We tried the venture capitalist route in the Valley, but then again who hasn't up there. +It's more like what aren't I doing. My partners and I are trying to secure start up capital for a small tech company. We tried the venture capitalist route in the Valley, but then again who hasn't up there. Silicon Valley? +Silicon Valley? That's right. So, brainiacs that we are, we thought we'd be innovative and relocate east. Try our luck with a straight corporate loan out here. +Can -- On me. For the seat. Cheers. +"So we've been meeting with banks all day. It's amazing how many ways they can say ""no"" without ever using the word." Well, typically, corporate loans are relatively simple matters, but you do need to demonstrate a capacity for gross fund recovery. +Don't tell me you started a tech firm here before us. No, no. Nothing like that. I work in a bank. +No, no. Nothing like that. I work in a bank. Really? Wish we had met eight hours ago. +Oh. Well, thanks for the drink. You're welcome. I was just going to ask you if you'd like to join us. +Uh, right... And that was it. That's when we decided to start our own business. No more shithead bosses. I envy you guys. Taking a chance like that. +What do you do over at your bank, Grant? What do I do? I'm the VP of Finance. +Here's where a little research comes in handy. Corporate banks give out VP titles like calendars. It's a small lie, but now we're sure he's playing. Maybe you can help us understand what's so hard about getting a corporate loan. +Maybe you can help us understand what's so hard about getting a corporate loan. Well, typically speaking, they're not. As long as you can demonstrate -- +Well, typically speaking, they're not. As long as you can demonstrate -- A capacity for gross fund recovery. Yeah, we got that part. +A capacity for gross fund recovery. Yeah, we got that part. That's right. And tech firms... They 'tend to scare people off. +That's right. And tech firms... They 'tend to scare people off. They scare people off because most people lack vision. Vision and balls. Present company excluded of course. +They scare people off because most people lack vision. Vision and balls. Present company excluded of course. Banks need to know how they're going to get their money back. +Banks need to know how they're going to get their money back. We know exactly how we're going to make the money back. There in lies the Catch-22 +We know exactly how we're going to make the money back. There in lies the Catch-22 I don't follow. +Listen, what I'm about to tell you, I'm telling you in confidence, okay? Have you ever heard of a company called Big.Com? Big.Com. That Internet thing. +Big.Com. That Internet thing. Right. The guys who started that did what a lot of companies in the Valley do. They get a good idea, shop it around, raise some capital, then sell it off to a bigger company. Microsoft, Intel, Oracle, whatever. The beauty of it is, they've pretty much sold the company before they're even real. The bigger company is already set to buy it, all they want to do is make sure that the idea actually works. So they get some start up capital, make it work, then sell it for like five times the initial loan. +Right. The guys who started that did what a lot of companies in the Valley do. They get a good idea, shop it around, raise some capital, then sell it off to a bigger company. Microsoft, Intel, Oracle, whatever. The beauty of it is, they've pretty much sold the company before they're even real. The bigger company is already set to buy it, all they want to do is make sure that the idea actually works. So they get some start up capital, make it work, then sell it for like five times the initial loan. Sort of like a letter of intent. +Sort of like a letter of intent. Exactly. But the Catch-22 is that you can't tell anyone about the offer, because if it's public, you could start a bidding war and that's considered a breach of etiquette. It could kill a deal. But, wait too long and you're not considered hot anymore. +Exactly. But the Catch-22 is that you can't tell anyone about the offer, because if it's public, you could start a bidding war and that's considered a breach of etiquette. It could kill a deal. But, wait too long and you're not considered hot anymore. And you have this letter of intent? +And you have this letter of intent? Yes. That's why I wish there were guys willing to take a chance and live a little. +We had to finalize the deal. Everything looks in order. +Everything looks in order. This has to happen fast. +This has to happen fast. I know. It won't go unnoticed. +I know. It won't go unnoticed. There'll be red flags. +What's this? You need some convincing. Consider it a convincer. +Let's just slow down for a second... You're worried about recouping the loan. I already told you. +You're worried about recouping the loan. I already told you. No, I understand that. What I mean... What I'm trying to say... I was actually wondering about... Well, my cut. +Then there it is. Ashby gets the itch. The standard ten. +The standard ten. Ten percent. Of how much? +Ten percent. Of how much? Two million. +Same thing with playing a con. You have to be able to see that deep. Jake? Right. Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Yeah, it's going through -- +Hey, Jake... When am I gonna get to play the Inside? Gordo plays the inside. You're the Shill. +Gordo plays the inside. You're the Shill. Yeah, but come on... All I get to do is cry and get insulted. +Yeah, but come on... All I get to do is cry and get insulted. What are you talking about? You should get a fucking Academy Award for the Shill work you do. We got it down cold, Al. You don't want to jinx it by changing something up, do you? +What are you talking about? You should get a fucking Academy Award for the Shill work you do. We got it down cold, Al. You don't want to jinx it by changing something up, do you? I'm gonna go get eggrolls. Anyone want eggrolls? +It can erase all those things about you that you wish didn't exist. It's Alfonse. I want to settle up. I haven't been ducking you. I told you I'd get it. +And I think it's because of this redhead... Know who I am, Jake? +Know who I am, Jake? The Anti-Christ? +The Anti-Christ? No. I'm not the Anti-Christ. Or the Prince of Darkness. I'm just a guy looking for some answers. +Things are probably going to end badly for you, Jake. Gee... What makes you say that? +Gee... What makes you say that? Your life flashing before your eyes? +Your life flashing before your eyes? Just the last three weeks. +Just the last three weeks. That's not a bad place to start. +Grifters... We can't all be model citizens such as yourself. +We can't all be model citizens such as yourself. It's all about the money, isn't it? +It's all about the money, isn't it? Isn't it always? +I'm not saying anything. Besides, you're one to talk. You're the one who's got me on my knees in a dark alley. And these cops? What do they get? +Keeping the Fix happy. You never know when you can use a crooked cop. +You never know when you can use a crooked cop. Keep going. I want to know how you got Lionel Dolby. +Keep going. I want to know how you got Lionel Dolby. So you want to know how to play the Big Con. +So you want to know how to play the Big Con. In this case, you might say I want to know how not to play the Big Con. +So how'd you get caught? Suits used to say that in any con, sooner or later someone's going to start asking the right questions. Usually, it takes a little longer. +I can see why you liked her. That was it. We had our crew. Now we needed the Mark. +But there were other factors. Factors that weren't clear to me until now. +He's just as crooked as the next guy. You'd think he'd have more important things to do with tax payer dollars. Cue the fucking violins. Come on... It's getting cold. +Nice. We got our stake. Now we need to find our guy in Gillett's bank. +Thanks. Did you know you shouldn't light three cigarettes with a match? Back in WWI or WWII, one of the WW's, if you took the time to light three cigarettes with one match, some Nazi would be able to figure out where you were. Then, well... It was the last cigarette you and your two buddies ever had. So three on a match is bad luck. +Back in WWI or WWII, one of the WW's, if you took the time to light three cigarettes with one match, some Nazi would be able to figure out where you were. Then, well... It was the last cigarette you and your two buddies ever had. So three on a match is bad luck. You're a superstitious fucker. +You're a superstitious fucker. Luck's a funny thing. Especially the bad. +Luck's a funny thing. Especially the bad. Like what? +Like what? Having a gun pointed at you for one. It's not like breaking a mirror bad luck, but it's bad. Three on a match, black cats... Believe it. Believe it all. +She had you tempting fate. My father used to play the same fucking lotto numbers with these other guys in the pharmacy. The same numbers everyday for sixteen years. One day he gets pissed off, tells them he's out and plays his own numbers. They hit the Lucky Seven for one point two million. +Is that what it was, Jake? Was it love? You know when the first con was ever played? It was when Adam fell for Eve in the Garden of Eden. +So much for honor among thieves. You would have cut loose your friends, your girl... I was doing it for them. +I was doing it for them. BULLSHIT! You were scared, Jake! You lost your nerve! You lost your confidence! You weren't being noble. You weren't trying to save anybody but yourself! Admit it. +BULLSHIT! You were scared, Jake! You lost your nerve! You lost your confidence! You weren't being noble. You weren't trying to save anybody but yourself! Admit it. It's not true. +It's not true. Yes it is, Jake! Yes it is! They were right there for you. She was right there for you! Look at her! +We were back on. After you cut her loose. +After you cut her loose. She walked. +Alrlght, alrlght. What happened today? Today? Started off great... +Alright... Turn around. She doesn't get shit, unless I get that money. Where is it? Probably safe in the hands of the Federal Government. +Oh, Jake. You disappoint me. And you just let Lily here down again. What was it you said about playing the big con? It's like putting on a play, where everyone knows their part except for the mark. +It's like putting on a play, where everyone knows their part except for the mark. Like putting on a play... Guess some people forgot their lines. +Like putting on a play... Guess some people forgot their lines. Guess so. +Guess so. So why don't you take a deep breath, Jake, and I'll count to ten. One. Two. Three... +Not that I recall. What do you want us to do about it? Let's see... Let's suppose he gets to Customs and he gets caught. We get our money back, but then we have to deal with a criminal investigation. I don't much like that idea. Then again, let's suppose he actually gets through Customs. Now, that'll be something. We recover the money in cash and let the insurance cover the corporate fraud. We double our money. +Let's see... Let's suppose he gets to Customs and he gets caught. We get our money back, but then we have to deal with a criminal investigation. I don't much like that idea. Then again, let's suppose he actually gets through Customs. Now, that'll be something. We recover the money in cash and let the insurance cover the corporate fraud. We double our money. So we go to the bar. +So we go to the bar. I think so. The airport's going to be crawling with police. Traffic will be a nightmare. Go down to the bar. If they pull it off, great. Have someone deal with Ashby. +I think so. The airport's going to be crawling with police. Traffic will be a nightmare. Go down to the bar. If they pull it off, great. Have someone deal with Ashby. We'll take care of it. +We'll take care of it. And how much did you say you wanted for this... What did you call it? A finder's fee? +Ten is standard, sir. Fine. But only if we recover the cash. +Who's that? "The cash we fleeced off of him was collection money. He was supposed to take that money and give it to the King earlier yesterday like he does every Thursday. 'Cept this time, he figured he could make a little something for himself off us and still get the King's money back before any body says ""boo.""" +"The cash we fleeced off of him was collection money. He was supposed to take that money and give it to the King earlier yesterday like he does every Thursday. 'Cept this time, he figured he could make a little something for himself off us and still get the King's money back before any body says ""boo.""" What's a King Pin? +Currently, the King Pin is a very large-type pole stuck up our asses. Mob? +Mob? Independent. Same shit, just independent. They call him the King Pin because he looks like that guy from the comic book... Big. Fat. Bald. +Independent. Same shit, just independent. They call him the King Pin because he looks like that guy from the comic book... Big. Fat. Bald. So what? We hide, right? +So what? We hide, right? What are you? New? Let me tell you how good this guy is. Last night, Al calls this bookie to settle up. Apparently he's been ducking him for like a month. So the guy asks him where he's got all this money all of a sudden, right? What does Al do? Does he tell him that he cashed in a fucking Bar Mitzvah bond? Does he tell him he's been giving head out back for twenty bucks a pop? No... He starts going on about this job he just pulled and how he fleeced some Wall Street asshole-type... How HE fleeced. +What are you? New? Let me tell you how good this guy is. Last night, Al calls this bookie to settle up. Apparently he's been ducking him for like a month. So the guy asks him where he's got all this money all of a sudden, right? What does Al do? Does he tell him that he cashed in a fucking Bar Mitzvah bond? Does he tell him he's been giving head out back for twenty bucks a pop? No... He starts going on about this job he just pulled and how he fleeced some Wall Street asshole-type... How HE fleeced. You're pissed we didn't get credit? +You're pissed we didn't get credit? No, that was the only semi-fucking smart thing he said! Except anybody that's ever met Big Al knows that the only thing he's comfortable doing alone is eating. This guys tells this guy, that guy tells some other guy, eventually it works it's way back to someone who works for the King and -- +Big Al gets whacked mid-egg foo young. The whole thing took about two and a half hours. That's how good he is. We sure Big Al threw him to us? +We sure Big Al threw him to us? Come on... +Whoa. What? We're going to give him the money back? +Fuck that. We're going too. Alright, let's all put our dicks back in our pants for a second. Is this the best thing to do? +This might just be me, but that is hands down, the dumbest fucking idea I've ever heard. People have tried this before, Jake. It's never worked. Teddy Fraiser and his crew went on vacation in Chicago for it. Last year, Mumps got pinched in L.A. +The red hair... It's bad luck. It's not like she's a real redhead, Jake... +Poor bastard never knew what hit him. Jesus, I almost felt sorry for the guy. I gotta work off some of this adrenaline. I got a line on this Pawn Shop guy over in Brooklyn. Anybody want in? +Masters of our own destiny. So far, masters of our own demise. What bank are you with? +Jake... It's alright. Grant's one of the good guys. +I'm going home Let's go, Jake? +Moonan. Here. Shit... So what? We just stay clear of him. +That's it? What are you talking about? We can still do this! Jake, I mean, come on -- +Shit. I told you, use less powder. +I told you, use less powder. But you won't get that splatter effect. +What? I can feel you looking at me. That's a lot of cash. He came up with it pretty quick. +That's a lot of cash. He came up with it pretty quick. Probably some investment banker or convertible-bonds-broker-dickhead. Did you see how fast he ran out of here? It's done. He's not coming back. +Probably some investment banker or convertible-bonds-broker-dickhead. Did you see how fast he ran out of here? It's done. He's not coming back. I guess. I gotta drop a dime. Did anybody mess up the hoop? +It can buy you a new and better you. "I just don't know if this says, ""me"". What's the fabric?" +Seems Lionel Dolby came down with a sudden case of drowning last night. They just pulled him out of the East River. Well, this is just fucking great... +Well, this is just fucking great... "It gets worse. Now I know why he was such a good rope. I mean, cash... That much and we never had to put him on the ""Send?"" Turns out this ducking Moe was an accountant for the King Pin." +You know what we're doing with the money. And what about Big Al? +And what about Big Al? Leave him. Someone's going to find him eventually. Then they'll start looking for us, too. +When? Tonight. Just me. +You gotta be kidding me. Her? Yes, her. Where's my wallet? +How much we going after? Two million. +We only owe the King a hundred and fifty. We get fifty percent. And we get clear of the King. +We meet him with corporate papers, inquiring about a corporate loan for start up capital. The corporate papers are in order, but we need things to happen fast. Our guy fudges numbers in the right places, moves our papers to the top of the pile or to the bottom, depending upon what we need. How's that? He works for Gillette. +How's that? He works for Gillette. We pay better. +Yeah... Whatever, Jake. "No, not ""whatever."" You're either in or you're out." +You laugh now, but wait until you need a clean place to powder. This is New York city, Sister. Public sanitation does not run very high on the city hall agenda. You know what you can get off a toilet or doorknob? Let's do the list... Hepatitis, influenza, the flesh eating disease -- Here's what's going to happen. Gordo, we need to find a guy in Gillette's bank. Miles, we need papers, corporate, insurance... +She up for this? She's up for it. +She got one leg out from under him. Now we had to lean. "So then Miles walks straight into the Creative Director's office and says ""The code's fine, the program's for shit"" and throws down like a thousand pages of code on the guy's desk!" +Uh... No thanks. I'm not going all the way to Brooklyn for a hundred dollar pay-off. You sure? +We're going to make it back, Grant. Three or four times over. And all you need to do for your ten percent is put some paperwork through and push a button tomorrow. +You'll be there? Eight A.M. flight. +Eight A.M. flight. Calls? +Calls? We'll use the Euc. +Jake -- What do I always tell you guys? Don't spend it all. Sooner or later we're going to run into some bad luck. Save some. Put it away, so when shit like this happens, you're not desperate. That's it. The gig's up. +So that's it... That's it. +Then he had to bang it out across the street at the Bank of the Caymens... I'd like this cashed, please. +You ever use the bathroom in Kennedy? What? No. Use the bathroom on the plane! +Grifter huh? Where have you been on the grift? Couldn't been here long 'cause I would have heard of you, Skippy. Jake. You can call me Jake. Here and there. +Jake. You can call me Jake. Here and there. Here and there, Scooter? Here and there like Boston, Chicago, Houston? The bay area? Some action in London, 'til it turned nickel and dime. Or how about that little stint down in Miami? Heard you actually got into some trouble with the Feds down there. You guy's pretty good? +Here and there, Scooter? Here and there like Boston, Chicago, Houston? The bay area? Some action in London, 'til it turned nickel and dime. Or how about that little stint down in Miami? Heard you actually got into some trouble with the Feds down there. You guy's pretty good? I have a good crew. +I have a good crew. Minus one. +Minus one. You know, back in the day, grafting was considered a gentleman's racket. Good suits, good food... The Underworld of the Underworld. A grifter had to survive on his wits, his instincts... I like that. I like the idea of that. These days, things being what they are, guys like me gotta stay low. It's all take, take, take. You can't just be fucking witty about it. +You know, back in the day, grafting was considered a gentleman's racket. Good suits, good food... The Underworld of the Underworld. A grifter had to survive on his wits, his instincts... I like that. I like the idea of that. These days, things being what they are, guys like me gotta stay low. It's all take, take, take. You can't just be fucking witty about it. I guess it lacks a certain style. +I guess it lacks a certain style. Of course, your line of work's only as good as the people you find. +Of course, your line of work's only as good as the people you find. You can't cheat an honest man. +You can't cheat an honest man. You can't cheat an honest man. But a man like Lionel Dolby... +You can't cheat an honest man. But a man like Lionel Dolby... I apologize for the inconvenience. +Honest mistake. Just give me the money back and all will be forgiven. I can't do that. +I can't do that. Why not? +Why not? Let me rephrase -- I won't do that. +Let me rephrase -- I won't do that. Let me repeat -- Why not? +Let me repeat -- Why not? Because you killed one of my crew. +Because you killed one of my crew. Buddy, that was business. Besides, you have more crew. Then there's you... +Buddy, that was business. Besides, you have more crew. Then there's you... I'll get the money back, plus interest. I go on the grift for you. You get a cat, I get a cut. And we get square. +I'll get the money back, plus interest. I go on the grift for you. You get a cat, I get a cut. And we get square. Fucking grifters! I love it! You got balls, I'll give you that much. +Fucking grifters! I love it! You got balls, I'll give you that much. No. Just confidence. +I' ll be honest with you, Kid. A grifter comes in here with a fifteen hundred dollar D-K-fucking-N-Y suit, cooler than an Eskimo in winter and tells me he wants to grift for me? First thing I have to ask myself is, is he playing for me or is he just plain playing me? You tried it once. We got caught. So you know it won't happen again. +Why? You ask a lot of questions. Come on. Let me see 'em. +How much? I think two million. +I think two million. What do you need from me? Permission? Go! If you can fleece him for two million, then do it, Kid. +What do you need from me? Permission? Go! If you can fleece him for two million, then do it, Kid. I need you to stake me. +I need you to stake me. Stake you? +Stake you? I need you to stake me. I can't do it without it. It's just a couple hundred grand. Taken out of our cut when we're done. +That's more than you already owe me. What happens if you fuck this up? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. +Nothing ventured, nothing gained. "Hey Skippy? Do I have the word ""chump"" tattooed on my forehead?" +Listen, Scooter -- No, you listen. We're partners now and even though I'm running the show for you, I'm still running the show. That means I get a little respect. So I don't want to hear anymore of this Scooter, Buddy, Junior, Skippy, Tiger, bullshit. It's Jake. And I gotta tell you, for a guy who spends all his time in a gym, you could be in better shape. +Excuse me? I said take off your fucking shirt. +Look at you, you skinny prick. You're not going to bust out baby oil and start rubbing me down or anything, are you? +Come here. Feel this. No thanks. I'm good. +No thanks. I'm good. Come here! +Come on. Harder. I think I just broke my hand. +I think I just broke my hand. Harder. Remember, I killed your buddy. +What are you talking about? Ten's standard. Yeah Well, Sobo's kid needs braces. +Don't get me wrong, Jake. I like you boys. You guys are the steadiest business in town. But what can I say? Twenty percent's still better than what we give to any of the other criminals. All the shit we pulled with you and you're trying to shake us down? You guys got sack. +All the shit we pulled with you and you're trying to shake us down? You guys got sack. Was that a threat? Did I hear a threat? Last I remember, we were talking economics, then this...? What happens next time if we gotta stop and help a little old lady cross the street? Well, shit... Then we gotta pass the call to someone else. +That tip not work-out for you fellas? Tip was fine, Jake. We were a little more curious about the Fed. +Tip was fine, Jake. We were a little more curious about the Fed. Hey, listen... If you guys don't pay your taxes, that's your business. +Special Agent Gunther Moonan. Ring a bell? Gunther? I think I'd remember a Gunther. +Gunther? I think I'd remember a Gunther. Ring it for him, Sobo. +Oh yeah. Moonan. I remember now. Thanks. Well he's in town and he sure as shit remembers you. What are we going to do about this Jake? We can't afford to have a Fed onto us. +Well he's in town and he sure as shit remembers you. What are we going to do about this Jake? We can't afford to have a Fed onto us. Wouldn't dream of it. +I don't know what you're into with the King Pin, but whatever it is we get a piece, understand? We get a big piece. If we find out you're keeping us out, I may suddenly develop a conscious and give you up to Moonan myself. Say something stupid if we got a deal, Jake. Something stupid. +Something stupid. Good boy. +Kennedy. International terminal. Gordo with a black suitcase. You got Moonan under control? Don't worry about Moonan. We got him covered. When...? It was him. There's a shipment coming through tonight. Kennedy. +Sorry, I -- Jake. Jake Pearson. I go to lawschool with your daughter. Carolyn. We met once or twice. +Of course. Jake. Nice to see you. Well, it certainly is a coincidence. Here of all places! How is Mrs. Lewis? +Well, it certainly is a coincidence. Here of all places! How is Mrs. Lewis? Great. Thank you. +What brings you down from Boston, Jake? Taking advantage of the long weekend? My wife and I are just taking a little vacation. +Attractive girl. Thank you. Actually, it's our first anniversary this weekend. She thinks I'm here to pick up something for my mother, but it's actually a gift for her. Think I've fooled her? +Thank you. Actually, it's our first anniversary this weekend. She thinks I'm here to pick up something for my mother, but it's actually a gift for her. Think I've fooled her? Take it from me, you never do. But congratulations. Nice to be married, isn't it? +Take it from me, you never do. But congratulations. Nice to be married, isn't it? Very much so. +Thank you, sir. You know, I hope this isn't too much of an inconvenience, but if Carolyn is coming down for the weekend, perhaps I could give you something for her? It's a check. We split the cost on a few books and I haven't had the chance to pay her back yet. Could you..? Sure. +I lost my head. I'm... Sorry. I don't know what happened. Y-y-you fucking shot him! That's what happened! +Y-y-you fucking shot him! That's what happened! I had to! That motherfucker was about to welch! You saw what he was doing, right? You heard him! +I can't be here! You understand? I can't -- Listen to me! It went to shit. It happens sometimes. +Oh Jesus! LISTEN to me! We don't have much time. We can still get through this but you have to keep your head and trust me! +What -- What do we do? Help me. +What about... The money? What about this situation makes you think I can answer that question right now? +What is this? You guys cops or something? We're not cops. +That's not -- You interested in a little work? +Sorry about your wallet, but if you think I'm going to suck dick over thirty seven dollars, a maxed out Visa and a bad fake I.D., you're fucking crazy. Jake. Take a deep breath and count to ten. It's not that kind of work. You're Lily, right? +Take a deep breath and count to ten. It's not that kind of work. You're Lily, right? Says who? +Says who? You're working Daffy's block. He was going to break your kneecaps. Pick- pockets can be so bitchy sometimes. I told him you were with us, so that's two you owe me. +We have work. It pays a lot. Unless you figure on getting rich lifting wallets while old guys feel you up. Oooh. Sassy. What do you care who feels me up, Jake? Unless it kinda gotcha going. Did it, Jake? Getcha going? +Alright! Hold up. You win. You got the job. Gee thanks. Now I don't have to find that bridge to jump off. +We had to see what your deal was. I'm just a little superstitious. Here's my deal -- Don't waste my time. What do you want me for anyway? You don't even know me. +Here's my deal -- Don't waste my time. What do you want me for anyway? You don't even know me. I just have a good feeling about you. Haven't you ever had someone say they had a good feeling about you before? +No. What's my cut? You get an equal cut. +You get an equal cut. What do I have to do? +What do I have to do? Just play a part. A little acting. +What about Customs? I'll worry about Customs. +I'll worry about Customs. Hey, I'm not just along for the ride, so I don't want to hear any bullshit later about a smaller cut. +Hey, I'm not just along for the ride, so I don't want to hear any bullshit later about a smaller cut. Take a deep breath. You sound like you just broke up with your boyfriend or something. +Mr. King, I think -- Hey, I got it! Take some mental notes. You just might learn something here. +What the hell's his problem? Don't worry about it. +Don't worry about it. It's just that I left my asshole decoder ring at home, so how do I know not to worry? +You need to get a haircut. What? +What? And some new clothes. +And some new clothes. Why? +Why? We're going to rope this banker tomorrow and you gotta at least look classy, if not be classy. You gotta do this thing and I don't even know if you can. +We're going to rope this banker tomorrow and you gotta at least look classy, if not be classy. You gotta do this thing and I don't even know if you can. You're just going to have to trust me. +You're just going to have to trust me. I don't trust anyone. +I don't trust anyone. Then show me how. +Uh... Everything okay? Honey, this is Mr. Lewis. Carolyn Lewis's father. Mr. Lewis, this is my wife, Lily. +He's gone. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. I gotta go get a haircut. +I gotta go get a haircut. Uh-huh. +You just put a mother of a jinx on us. Lighten up. +Lighten up. But the fucking Grand Poo-Bah of all jinxes? A bird in your house... +You told me to change my hair! What about this? Do you have any idea what this means? You've killed us. We're dead! +What about this? Do you have any idea what this means? You've killed us. We're dead! Did I miss something? +We're getting down to the wire. Apparently another company has a similar product in R&D right now. If they beat us to it... Off the record, I'm this close to cutting someone in on the action if it'd help. +Look at you... You want to go. For what? A couple hundred bucks? +For what? A couple hundred bucks? I think you'd do it for free. You're almost drooling. You like the rush. +I think you'd do it for free. You're almost drooling. You like the rush. It's what I do. It's my job. +It's what I do. It's my job. Why? Your mother not breast feed you or something? +Why? Your mother not breast feed you or something? Are you asking me if I have something to prove? +Are you asking me if I have something to prove? Do you have something to prove? +Do you have something to prove? Not in that repressed anger sort of way. +Not in that repressed anger sort of way. I'm your basic underachiever. Can't stand working and porn doesn't seem like a good option. +I'm your basic underachiever. Can't stand working and porn doesn't seem like a good option. Good quality porn has it's place in the world. +Good quality porn has it's place in the world. Whatever. But you... I get the feeling you could have bullshitted your way into anything. So why this? +Whatever. But you... I get the feeling you could have bullshitted your way into anything. So why this? I'm good at it. Lying, cheating, manipulating... I'm good at it. +I'm good at it. Lying, cheating, manipulating... I'm good at it. It's more than that. +It's more than that. Intuition. It doesn't make you Yoda. Like tonight. You killed that guy tonight. But I knew you would. +Intuition. It doesn't make you Yoda. Like tonight. You killed that guy tonight. But I knew you would. So that was my part? Smile and shake my ass? +So that was my part? Smile and shake my ass? No. You have another part? You'll know what to do. +No. You have another part? You'll know what to do. How do you know I will? +How do you know I will? Intuition. +You have really soft hands. Like a baby's. Don't ruin this for me. +How do you deal with -- WHAT? +WHAT? I SAID, HOW DO -- Deal with that? +Who says you have to know the King to be in a hole? I actually did have a real job once. When I was in high school, I worked as a candy striper. Sounds respectable. +Sounds respectable. Not the way I did it. I was loaded half the time. I don't know how you could change bedpans sober. I used to hang out with this guy, Glenn. He was an x-ray technician or something. +Not the way I did it. I was loaded half the time. I don't know how you could change bedpans sober. I used to hang out with this guy, Glenn. He was an x-ray technician or something. You want to talk about an old boyfriend right now? +He wasn't my boyfriend. I had a boyfriend at the time... What was his name? Anyway, Glenn was like thirty. I was only fifteen. But he was a nice guy. Real sweet. Liked to talk. We used to get loaded on pills from the nurses station and then listen to Morrisey or some stupid shit like that. Yeah, the sensitive guy-thing never worked for me. +Yeah, the sensitive guy-thing never worked for me. We were friends. I trusted him. I should have known it was weird. But, then again I was weird. +We were friends. I trusted him. I should have known it was weird. But, then again I was weird. You guys got busted. This is a great neck. +No, we never got busted. We were done with a shift one night, both a couple of Percocets down and I was telling Glenn about my boyfriend, about how we were thinking about doing it, you know? I was thinking about letting him be my first because I loved him. What the hell was his name? Glenn talked you out of it. +Glenn talked you out of it. Sort of. I was telling him about this great love of my life who's name I don't remember, and I could see... He was getting pissed. I thought it was just because he was worried about me, but... He told me that I was stupid because my boyfriend didn't really love me. +He was looking out for you. "Then he grabbed me and threw me down on the floor, that really cold linoleum tiled hospital floor and started ripping my uniform off. He said he was going to ""fuck some sense into me.""" +Shit, what was that guy's name? I really liked him. Lily... Jesus Christ... +Lily... Jesus Christ... After Glenn was finished, he gave me a couple of valiums and I went home. The next day, I finished my shift and met him around back, like we always did. I stuck a number eight scalpel into his chest. Three or four times. +Did, uh... Did you kill him? I don't know. I packed up my shit and ran away. To this... So unlike you, I guess I do have something to prove, in a repressed anger sort of way. +No. You trusted him... You were just getting square. You know why I told you that, Jake? Because I trust you too. +Jesus... Take it easy. No, I'm not going to take it easy. You can't stay clear of this guy. He will be on this until the end of time. +You are such a raving pussy sometimes. Hey, we fucked once, honey. That hardly makes you a good judge of character. And don't think I didn't know you were working some angle with that either. +Hey, we fucked once, honey. That hardly makes you a good judge of character. And don't think I didn't know you were working some angle with that either. Everyone's working an angle, right? +Everyone's working an angle, right? There are three people I trust -- him, him and a guy who got killed. I don't know who you are! You're like some stray dog that wandered into the house. So I'm telling you to cut loose of this. No one's looking for you, Not the King, not Moonan and not Gillette. Just go wherever it is you would go. It's over. +What about... What about what? +What about what? What about the money? +So there it is. You got that big itch you need to scratch. It's all about the fucking money. What do you want, an apology? No, I want my cut! +No, I want my cut! I'm going to say this one last time for you, so take a deep breath and count to ten. There is no cut. +Sorry. I didn't know... Your friend, Big Al? It should have been you. +You got my cell. Leave a message. It's me. It's Jake. Listen... It's happening. Gordo's landing right now. Meet me at the Euclid... For your cut, I mean. It's... I want you to have it. +What do you get, Lily? Finder's Fee? Because it is all about the money, right? You sold me out. You should have trusted me like I trusted you. You fucked up. You fucked up HUGE. +"You tell them the ""Tale""." What do you want? An apology? +What do you want? An apology? No, I want my cut! +Tick-tock... If you wanna help, then help. If not, shut up. +If you wanna help, then help. If not, shut up. Your mess. +Your mess. Then shut up. +Then shut up. My place. +Stop waving that thing around. You sure we're clear? +Yeah. You better get over to Al's. Now. +I was supposed to meet him for breakfast. He likes that new IHOP they just opened, you know... He likes to order that thing. The Rutti- Tutti-Fresh and Fruity thing they got. Miles... +Miles... Sorry. I'm just... Look what they did to him. Right in the middle of his egg-foo-young. +It's bad luck. Just an idea, but let's just fucking split. We'll meet up anywhere. Akron or Austin or Atlanta. Anywhere... +Just an idea, but let's just fucking split. We'll meet up anywhere. Akron or Austin or Atlanta. Anywhere... He'll find us. We go talk to him. +Do we want insurance? I'm just asking... Just mail it to the hospital. Mr. King, please. It's regarding an accounting problem. Yes... Correct... I know where it is. That will be fine. Thank you. +Meet me at my place later. How do you know the King's going to let you walk? +How do you know the King's going to let you walk? I'm getting a ride. +You better hurry. The police will be here any second. I don't really understand my motivation with this. Why am I washing glasses? Now you're an accomplice in a homicide. Everything you thought you were in control of just flew out the window or is dripping down your leg. +We're working for the King. Wait a second... Who's the mope? +No. Big con. One rag. One rag and we get out from under all this. But we need another Shill. What do we need another Shill for? +What do we need another Shill for? Breasts. +Why? Because that's who the King Pin wants us to fleece. And Gillette's perfect... +Uh... What? +What? I'm just thinking out loud here, but... Two million in a briefcase? +I'm just thinking out loud here, but... Two million in a briefcase? Good point. +It never worked before because A, they didn't flush the bank enough; B, their corporate papers were for shit; C, they didn't have someone on the inside with Customs. Yeah, or D, it's a dumb fucking idea... +Yeah, or D, it's a dumb fucking idea... Then what do you want to do, Miles? Run? +Then what do you want to do, Miles? Run? We never had a problem with that before. +We never had a problem with that before. Yeah, well we never had this kind of problem before. +Yeah, well we never had this kind of problem before. What are you talking about? Yes we have. And we would have been beautiful about it. We would've had a bucket of chicken delivered to the King with a nice kiss my ass card attached to it. Then we woulda moved on 'til the next local putz caught on. +What are you talking about? Yes we have. And we would have been beautiful about it. We would've had a bucket of chicken delivered to the King with a nice kiss my ass card attached to it. Then we woulda moved on 'til the next local putz caught on. We're getting a little old for running. +We're getting a little old for running. "Yeah, well we're still a little young for Albany State Prison. Are you pissed about Al? I'm pissed too, but I'm not like ""twenty-five to life"" pissed." +"Yeah, well we're still a little young for Albany State Prison. Are you pissed about Al? I'm pissed too, but I'm not like ""twenty-five to life"" pissed." I'm getting clear of this. If you're not going to do it for the fucking principle, do it for the money. Gordo? +Is it all fugasi? No, the corporate papers have to be legit. But you gotta score an I.D. A clean one. Talk to Suits. I gotta get us a Banker. +What you're looking for in a mark is someone who's weakness you can exploit. Michelle Strigo. Loan officer. +Him. You sure? +But if you wanna talk about bad luck... Where the hell is she? +"So this is our boss, right? He chases me and Miles out of his office and he's yelling and screaming, ""You're fired! Your whole team's fired!"" He starts looking for Lily, Lupus, Gordo --" But the best part was that he couldn't find Gordo! He was in the bathroom. So he finally goes in there, kicks in a stall door and starts yelling! And there's Gordo, pants at the ankles, holding a PC World Magazine! +What do we do? We change the scam? There is no scam! I've got a fucking sign on my back! I can't leave town now and come back with a suitcase full of money. You get it? It's over. We walk. +No, no, no! Not this time. I am doing this for your own good! You guys have got to learn when to stop. You with the Armani! You with the hookers! Escorts! +Escorts! Do you even remember Al? Do you remember what he looked like sitting there? +Feeling lucky today, Miles. Found a penny -- Heads up. There was an empty cab right outside my building. We hit every green light. And we got rid of the red head. +And we got rid of the red head. Jake? Customs? +Excuse me? I believe you're holding something far me under Pearson. Do you have a ticket? +Do you have a ticket? You know, this is kind of embarrassing, but my wallet was stolen yesterday and I'm afraid the ticket was in it. But the name's Pearson. +I'm sorry. Nothing under Pearson. You're sure? This is... Just a complete disaster. +You're sure? This is... Just a complete disaster. What was it? +A ring for my wife. A lot like that one. In fact, it was that one. That's no problem. We have those in stock. +That's no problem. We have those in stock. Thank you. Sorry, I'm just a little anxious to give it to her. You take out of state checks? +Thank you. Sorry, I'm just a little anxious to give it to her. You take out of state checks? With identification. +I understand that, but I had my wallet stolen last night. Is there any way..? I'm sorry. +I know it's policy, but... The thing is... It's our first anniversary and we're only in town for the weekend. It's a very, very special night for my wife and I. This ring is my gift to her and I think she's going to really love it. I can give you phone numbers to call for people who'll vouch. I can send you I.D. later... I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. This is embarrassing. +When this is all over, you're going to tell me who the King put on Al. You going to have the time? +You going to have the time? I'll find the time. +King ain't gonna like this. Don't worry, I'll settle up with your boss. We haven't skipped town yet. +Don't worry, I'll settle up with your boss. We haven't skipped town yet. What I'm saying is, is that the King ain't gonna care. See he had a real thing with getting this Gillette guy, If you ask me I think he's jealous. +What I'm saying is, is that the King ain't gonna care. See he had a real thing with getting this Gillette guy, If you ask me I think he's jealous. Of what? They're both crooks. +Of what? They're both crooks. Exactly. 'Cept this Gillette guy. He gets to walk around in three piece suits, hob knob with the Mayor, own a bank, that kinda shit. Meanwhile, the King sits holed up in the steam, afraid to even take a leak without me or Harlin watching the door. +Exactly. 'Cept this Gillette guy. He gets to walk around in three piece suits, hob knob with the Mayor, own a bank, that kinda shit. Meanwhile, the King sits holed up in the steam, afraid to even take a leak without me or Harlin watching the door. My fucking heart bleeds. +My fucking heart bleeds. Your buddy. That fat guy. The King couldn't wait to have that guy whacked. He didn't even know who the guy was, but he was so pissed off at him, he gets him drilled. It ain't personal. It's business. +Your buddy. That fat guy. The King couldn't wait to have that guy whacked. He didn't even know who the guy was, but he was so pissed off at him, he gets him drilled. It ain't personal. It's business. Point, Lupus. Give us a point. +Point, Lupus. Give us a point. Point is, you don't go through with this, he's going to go after you next. And he don't even like you, Jake. +What'd he say? Oh, you know... Don't fuck this up. I'll kill you. I'll kill your family. I'll shoot your dog... All the usual. Then he said good luck. +So that's it, huh? You get the cops to give you a safe ride. Let me ask you something... You really think I'm going to come this close, this fucking close and let my guard down? I'll get square with your boss. I'll get square with whoever did Al. I'll get square with everybody. Then I'm going going to cash in my chips and be on my way to a new and better me far away from here. +Let me ask you something... You really think I'm going to come this close, this fucking close and let my guard down? I'll get square with your boss. I'll get square with whoever did Al. I'll get square with everybody. Then I'm going going to cash in my chips and be on my way to a new and better me far away from here. You're a weasel. +He's wheeling around two million dollars in cash and he wants to stop to use the bathroom. You believe this? Maybe he's got it right. Maybe we're all just looking for a safe place to shit. +Maybe he's got it right. Maybe we're all just looking for a safe place to shit. That was fucking deep. +What's up with you? Bladder infection? Keep it up. +You really like that bitch don't you? I gotta tell you, I was pretty convinced that the whole thing before was blowing her off for her cut. You know how it is, get her to do some shit for you, throw her a bang to keep her happy. But, if you're into her... That's cool. That's what I like about you, Lupus. You're a free thinker. Don't let the King tell you different. +Egg Foo Young. Stand up. What? +What? Stand up. +Stand up. No offense, but I've seen you fight. You gotta be kidding m- +What happened? Eee Oott Auught! +Eee Oott Auught! Sorry. What? +Sorry. What? HE GOT CAUGHT! Your boss tried to pull a switch and he got us all fucking pinched! +And like in a game of chess, you've played every possible move in your head... You were right. He's trying to fuck you. You want it, you gotta get it at the airport... +Aces, Suits. Not easy pickin's. Papers like these speak to larger issues. Sorry about Alfonse. You into something big? +Not easy pickin's. Papers like these speak to larger issues. Sorry about Alfonse. You into something big? Pretty much. +Pretty much. In over your head? +In over your head? Pretty much. +Can I speak to you in confidence? Huh? Oh. She's alright. +Try and keep up... You ask for the Advantage Goods, then you guys come in looking to be Bean Traps. So I gotta think you're either working the mace or playing the Jug Mob. A little bit of both. +Hey, I been on the ramp all my life, so I got no problem with the way you help yourself, Jake. "I saw you go up from the Knecker, working that Grind, learning the Barnard's Law and I thought, ""the kid's a prodigy."" But I know that if you're using these goods... So then I figure, what's worth that? You're either looking for a little history or a retirement fund. Who's the Mark?" +"I saw you go up from the Knecker, working that Grind, learning the Barnard's Law and I thought, ""the kid's a prodigy."" But I know that if you're using these goods... So then I figure, what's worth that? You're either looking for a little history or a retirement fund. Who's the Mark?" Can't say. +Can't say. Then who's the Banker? +Then who's the Banker? The King. +The King? Jake, you play the heavy rackets like that... They put the lug on for nothing at all. I can handle it. +I can handle it. I don't doubt your talent. You looking for that place in the hall of fame? +I don't doubt your talent. You looking for that place in the hall of fame? It's not history. +It's not history. So what do you want? +So what do you want? I want to get out from under all this for good. And I want to fuck them all doing it. +I want to get out from under all this for good. And I want to fuck them all doing it. Then I gotta say, in my opinion, you can't get what you want. +Still time. Can't do it Suits. I can't lay down for this one. +Can't do it Suits. I can't lay down for this one. Okay. Here's the thing... You fall flat, you might not get anything short of stiffed. Then it's Blue River Land for everybody. Papers like these are dangerous because papers tend to multiply, then they start to take shape. Usually it's the shape of an arrow. I hate to do it, but after this, I gotta give you the blowoff. We Jake, Jake? +Ten percent. You guys got sack, I'll give you that much. +You guys got sack, I'll give you that much. Confidence. It's just confidence. +Do you have any idea what those monks charge for that medieval torture? We got a good thing going here. You want to blow it over an overbite? +The King, huh? Nice going. I try. +Just a tip. What are we gonna do with this stuff anyway? Heroin? What the hell do you do with heroin? +What? Consider him part of your crew. Consider him a part of me. +Coupla things. They got this Fed looking around and the girl just split. A Fed? Is he close? +A Fed? Is he close? I don't think so. Their Fix gave us the heads up and Jake's got a plan that'll probably keep him off. +Speak. He's landing. He's got a suitcase on wheels. +He's landing. He's got a suitcase on wheels. So do half the other people in this place. How do I know which one? +So do half the other people in this place. How do I know which one? I got it figured out... He's got this thing with bathrooms. If he makes it through Customs, he'll be heading for the john. +I got it figured out... He's got this thing with bathrooms. If he makes it through Customs, he'll be heading for the john. Good. Good. Do not let Vig out of your sight. +Special Agent? You are Officer Richard Rottovich. And this would be Officer Walter Sobozinski. I'm looking for Jake Vig. +Preliminary forensics suggests he was sitting there, bloated and purple in his egg foo young for at least seventy two hours. Alfonse was not a small man and there was a lot of food ordered, so you can imagine the smell. Bad for the neighbors, good for me because in all the time I've been looking for Jake, this is only the second time I've even gotten a whiff of him. Look Special Agent Moonan... We don't know what you're talking about. +If you Feds are so hot for him, why don't we just bring him in right now? I want him for something big and to do that, we have to catch him in the act. +Like we told you before, we think he's into something with the King Pin -- Look, I'm not a confrontational person by nature. +Did he buy it? I think so. What'd he ever do to you anyway? +I think so. What'd he ever do to you anyway? Let's just say he burned me once. +You guys awake? We're here. +Who? I've been looking for this Jake Vig for some time now. Problem is, the guy's the invisible man. A spook, a spectre, a ghost. Then, like a gift, Jake's good buddy and member of his crew, Alfonse Moorely, is found the other day with a hole in his head. +"Do you want to know the first time I had a line on Vig? He sent me a birthday card. Belated, but it's the thought, right? Oh, this prick's got a sense of humor. But, then again you guys probably know him better than I do. In fact, I've only met the guy once. But now, now I have you. The next best thing. His partners. His ""Fix.""" What do you want? +What do you want? You help me catch him. Whatever he's into next, I want you to be into. And what you're into, I'm into. If it all goes well, those two guys from IAD will never have to hear this tape. I'll clear you guys of anything you've ever done with Vig under the guise of some cross- departmental investigation. This prick's been on the wish list for so long, you'll probably get gold shields out of it. +You help me catch him. Whatever he's into next, I want you to be into. And what you're into, I'm into. If it all goes well, those two guys from IAD will never have to hear this tape. I'll clear you guys of anything you've ever done with Vig under the guise of some cross- departmental investigation. This prick's been on the wish list for so long, you'll probably get gold shields out of it. What do you get out of it? +What do you get out of it? Peace of mind. +Peace of mind. That's it? +That's it? Not everyone's on the take, Walter. +This guy must have been a real pain in your dick. Literally. It's not a bad deal, gentleman. I get peace of mind. You get Detective Sheilds. But this is the best part, Walter... Walter, your daughter will get to keep her braces and have that winning smile. Capice? +Good... I gotta go. So, what do you have for me? Whaddya mean? We got dick. +Whaddya mean? We got dick. You guy's are not working with me here. I just got off the phone with my boss. After he got done ripping me a new Lincoln Tunnel size asshole, he let me know exactly how little I'm welcome back if we come up short. And now here you guys are, WASTING MY FUCKING TIME! +He's headed towards the eastern most exit. Do not, under any circumstances approach. I want to follow this all the way down to Vig. Roger that. +You sell it. To who? +To who? Don't be an idiot. How hard do you think it is to sell one drug dealer's drugs to another drug dealer? If Vig's right, we might be looking at a hundred, maybe a hundred fifty grand... +Don't be an idiot. How hard do you think it is to sell one drug dealer's drugs to another drug dealer? If Vig's right, we might be looking at a hundred, maybe a hundred fifty grand... You think this is a good idea? We never did this kinda shit before. +You think this is a good idea? We never did this kinda shit before. What's he going to do? File a missing drugs report? If it works out, this guy might be good for a few more turns. +Hope so. Those fucking orthodontist bills are killing me. One fifty every time they tighten those bitches up. One fifty! It's not even covered. It's cosmetic. They don't cover cosmetic. Last year I had a tooth capped. The dentist tells me I'm not covered for caps. It's cosmetic. +Bullshit it's cosmetic! My fucking tooth was cracked in half. I made the son of a bitch write it in as a cavity. The department's dental is for shit. Whoa, whoa... There he is. +You trust this Moonan guy? I don't trust anybody. You see how bad this guy wants Vig? It's like a sickness. I say we collar Vig ourselves. We got Vig, then we got leverage. And we trade; Vig for that tape. I want to see it right in front of my face. +I don't trust anybody. You see how bad this guy wants Vig? It's like a sickness. I say we collar Vig ourselves. We got Vig, then we got leverage. And we trade; Vig for that tape. I want to see it right in front of my face. It's just insurance. +It's just insurance. That's what I'm talking about. +That's what I'm talking about. I'm down! +What are you doing? High five. +High five. Put your hand down. I don't high five. +I'm Bella. Jack Manfred. +Jack Manfred. Hi, Jack. Welcome to the cesspit. +Hi, Jack. Welcome to the cesspit. Is it that bad? +Is it that bad? How do I look? +Jack. Do you need a ride? No. Thanks. +No. Thanks. My car's in the garage. +My car's in the garage. Maybe another time. +Maybe another time. I'll take you up on that. +I'll take you up on that. Goodnight. +You're shaking. It's the tension. +I hate cheats. All men are cheats. +But don't worry, I'm clean as a whistle. I only did S & M. No blow jobs. No screwing. Why did you quit? +Why did you quit? I got scared. +I got scared. I can imagine. +I can imagine. Can you? I'm happy being a dealer. At least the punters keep their hands to themselves. +Can you? I'm happy being a dealer. At least the punters keep their hands to themselves. You called the casino a cesspit. +You called the casino a cesspit. Well it is. But I know where I am. +I've been watching you work. You're the best in the place. But you know that. I despise the job. +I despise the job. Ah, we all say that. But if we hate it, why do we do it? +The Indian rope-trick. Look, now I'm pumping you. I'm sorry. It's none of my business. It's just that you're not like the others. +Look, now I'm pumping you. I'm sorry. It's none of my business. It's just that you're not like the others. Not like Matt, you mean. +Not like Matt, you mean. "Now he's a real shit. Don't get friendly with him. I'm sure he's got his hand in the till. You know what he said to me once? ""I want to fuck the whole world over. That's my mission."" The shit!" +Ouch. Sorry. +You fucking little shit! You shopped me. What are you talking about? +Reynolds got a doctor in. They forced me to take a dope test. It was positive. As you knew. I don't know anything about it. +Your boyfriend fucked me, smoked my dope, then shopped me. What do you think of that? I can't get a job now. You bastard. You're no different from Matt. A pair of vicious little shits, that's what you are. Look Bella, I don't know anything about this. You should talk to Matt. +Look Bella, I don't know anything about this. You should talk to Matt. You're all scumbags. +What are you laughing at? Who was that on the phone? A couple I know are getting married. +What kind of deal you looking to? What's the Blue Book price? +What's the Blue Book price? That's not relevant. An old car like this, it depends on the condition. +How about fifteen hundred? How about five hundred. +How about five hundred. What?! +What?! How about we split the diff... Seven-fifty. +How about we split the diff... Seven-fifty. Is that your idea of arithmetic? +Is that your idea of arithmetic? I'm not a mathematician. I'm in business. +I'm not a mathematician. I'm in business. Eight-fifty. +Eight-fifty. Seven-fifty. +Three years, two months. March '93. What a memory you've got. Maths always was your strong suit. What happened to the moaning Lisa? +What a memory you've got. Maths always was your strong suit. What happened to the moaning Lisa? She went back to South Africa. +She went back to South Africa. Did she? You were pretty thick at one time. +Did she? You were pretty thick at one time. We all played the field. +Hi-ya... I'll call you back. Now then... I want a job, Giles. +I want a job, Giles. All right. As what? +All right. As what? I was thinking perhaps I could be a reader. You employ readers, don't you? +I was thinking perhaps I could be a reader. You employ readers, don't you? We do. For unsolicited manuscripts. We pay twenty pounds a manuscript. You might get two, maybe three in a week. Can you live on sixty pounds? +I thought it was you. It's the hair! I'm working on that soccer story. +I'm working on that soccer story. Right. Look, I must get back to Habib. +Right. Look, I must get back to Habib. Habib? +Habib? My author. He's a Terrorist. He's written a kill-and-tell book. Take care. +Jack, look, next weekend I'm having a house party. Here... It's near Oxford. Why don't you come? It'll just be social. No business. Bring a friend. I've plenty of room. I'll try and make it. +I'll try and make it. Looking forward! +She's a dab hand With a racquet, your friend. South African women are very sporty. +I found her in bed with someone. Who was he? +Who was he? She. +I don't gamble. Don't be a spoilsport. It's only a few quid. +Don't be a spoilsport. It's only a few quid. It's nothing to do with money. I don't gamble. +Last hand. Hey. I've got an idea. Why don't we... +I get it. Get what? Are you accusing me of cheating? +Get what? Are you accusing me of cheating? Good God, no. But with skill like that, what do you want a job for? You don't need to work. +Good night? Not particularly. +Not particularly. And your lady? +And your lady? She had to leave early. She asked me to thank you. +She had to leave early. She asked me to thank you. A bit unexpected, wasn't it? +A bit unexpected, wasn't it? Not entirely. +Not entirely. How's that football story corning along? +How's that football story corning along? You said it was going to be social, Giles. No business. +I couldn't resist them. You mean I won't resist them. +No, no. I'm not ready for you. There's some vodka in the freezer. You want me drunk? +You want me drunk? I won't be that long. +You really are a beautiful woman. It's not just inner beauty, is it? +It's not just inner beauty, is it? Turn around. +Where did you get it? I. sold the car. +I. sold the car. You shouldn't have done that. I know what it meant to you. +You shouldn't have done that. I know what it meant to you. I owe you for the rent. It's only a car. I can get another. +I owe you for the rent. It's only a car. I can get another. Take it back. Till you sell your book. +Take it back. Till you sell your book. Come on, Marion. Let's face the truth. Nobody's going to publish it. +Come on, Marion. Let's face the truth. Nobody's going to publish it. Of course they will. You just have to be patient. I'm betting on you. +You're my prisoner. I've got something to tell you. +I've got something to tell you. I want to hear it. +I want to hear it. I've got a job. +I've got a job. What job? +In a casino. As a croupier. A dealer. How did you land that? +How did you land that? It came my way. 450 a week. +It came my way. 450 a week. 450? What did you do, just walked in and said I want to be a croupier? Don't you need training? +450? What did you do, just walked in and said I want to be a croupier? Don't you need training? I had training. In the Republic. +I had training. In the Republic. You were a croupier there? You never told me that. I thought you just knew some gamblers. +You were a croupier there? You never told me that. I thought you just knew some gamblers. I start Monday week. +You sold the car. You got a job. What's the third thing? Tell me. There's no third thing. Don't be superstitious. +There's no third thing. Don't be superstitious. I love you Jack, you know that. +Are you trying to read my palm? You've got such beautiful hands. +What's the time? I don't know. +How did it go? Fine. +You're shaking. What is it? Tension. It'll go. +Tension. It'll go. Poor baby. This'll relax you. +I loved it blond. It's only hair. I haven't changed. +When you get home, I'm asleep. When I leave home, you're asleep. I'll see you in my dreams. +Where've you been? I've got to give evidence in court at nine. Don't play the cop with me, Marion. +Don't play the cop with me, Marion. Take that back! Fucking take that back. I'm not a cop any more. +Take that back! Fucking take that back. I'm not a cop any more. I take it back. You're not a cop any more. You're a store detective. +I take it back. You're not a cop any more. You're a store detective. Are you drunk? +Are you drunk? Probably. +Probably. This fucking job's getting to you. You haven't written a fucking word since you started. +This fucking job's getting to you. You haven't written a fucking word since you started. Do you have to swear all the time? +Do you have to swear all the time? Well, that's my poor upbringing. I didn't go to no private school. I haven't got no class. I want to live with a writer. Not a fucking croupier. I don't even know what the word means. Croupier. +Well, that's my poor upbringing. I didn't go to no private school. I haven't got no class. I want to live with a writer. Not a fucking croupier. I don't even know what the word means. Croupier. Marion, stop this. +Marion, stop this. What do I mean to you? I want to know. Tell me. +You're my conscience. Haven't you got a conscience of your own? +What are you doing here? You know the rules. What about a drink on the way home? +What about a drink on the way home? I don't finish till eight. Make it nine and you're on. +I don't finish till eight. Make it nine and you're on. I'm on at nine. +I'm on at nine. Well, that's our life now, isn't it? +I don't like it. Why not? +Why not? I don't like it at all. You had a wonderful character before, the Gambler. He was so romantic. +I don't like it at all. You had a wonderful character before, the Gambler. He was so romantic. He was a loser. This guy's a croupier. He can't lose. People have shat on him all his life. Now he's in control. He's a winner. +He was a loser. This guy's a croupier. He can't lose. People have shat on him all his life. Now he's in control. He's a winner. Is that your idea of a winner? He doesn't give a shit about anyone. He uses people and -- +Is that your idea of a winner? He doesn't give a shit about anyone. He uses people and -- -- It's because of the sex, isn't it? You don't like the sex in it. +-- It's because of the sex, isn't it? You don't like the sex in it. I don't give a fuck about the sex. Most men'll fuck a lamppost. He's just a miserable zombie. Is that the way you feel now? Is that what's happened to you? +I don't give a fuck about the sex. Most men'll fuck a lamppost. He's just a miserable zombie. Is that the way you feel now? Is that what's happened to you? Marion. It's a book. +Marion. It's a book. Oh really. Then why is he called Jake. Why don't you come clean and call him Jack. There's no hope in it. +Oh really. Then why is he called Jake. Why don't you come clean and call him Jack. There's no hope in it. It's the truth. +It's the truth. Without hope there's no point to anything. +Without hope there's no point to anything. Now wait a minute. What's so hopeful about your job? Spending the day catching poor people stealing. You said yourself the organised gangs get away with it. At least in the casino everybody gets caught. Rich or poor, the odds are the same. It's all relative. +Now wait a minute. What's so hopeful about your job? Spending the day catching poor people stealing. You said yourself the organised gangs get away with it. At least in the casino everybody gets caught. Rich or poor, the odds are the same. It's all relative. Crap. It's not relative. It's unfair. Like your casino. It's designed unfair. And your croupier's a little shit because he goes along with it. +The door, Jack. Leave it. +Leave it. No. Answer it! +It's beautiful. Thank you. I hope it brings you luck. +I hope it brings you luck. It will. +That girl, she works at the casino -- -- I don't care about her. Of course, I was angry. But not with you. The book is yours not mine. I was wrong, what I said about it. I hurt you, didn't I? +-- I don't care about her. Of course, I was angry. But not with you. The book is yours not mine. I was wrong, what I said about it. I hurt you, didn't I? You're entitled to your opinion. +You're entitled to your opinion. It's none of my business what you write. And your job, that's none of my business either. I love you. And I've done everything wrong. +I'll leave the casino soon. I promise. You will? +You will? Within a month. Believe me, I'm going to quit! +What? You were talking in your sleep. +You were talking in your sleep. Not talking. Writing. +Aren't you ever tempted to gamble? Never. Why do you ask? +Never. Why do you ask? I can just imagine, being around so much money all the time... +I can just imagine, being around so much money all the time... Gambling's not about money. +Gambling's not about money. Really? +Really? Gambling's about not facing reality. Ignoring the odds. +How did you know I was here? I thought you wouldn't want to spend Christmas Day alone in here. +I don't want a criminal for a boyfriend. There was a message, wasn't there? +There was a message, wasn't there? It's probably easier for you to eat the rice. +It's probably easier for you to eat the rice. Marion! What did you tell the police? +Marion! What did you tell the police? Nothing about you. +Nothing about you. Then what? +Then what? Give up being a croupier, Jack. Or I'll shop you. All you have to do is keep your word. It's that simple. +Here...use a spoon. Leave me alone, Marion. +Leave me alone, Marion. You're already alone. +Why did you take the money? I hate public transport. +I hate public transport. What? +What? I want to buy a car. +I want to buy a car. How can anyone be that naive? +Great. Found a job? +Found a job? No. +No. Well I've got something for you. In London, I mean. I've been chatting to some friends. Do you know the Golden Lion casino? It's in Bayswater, I believe... They're looking for a dealer, a croupier. +Don't be stubborn. The pay won't be grand, but it's regular. That's what you need, isn't it? I know you don't like taking my advice... It's not that. +It's not that. I've set this up for you. Call the Golden Lion and ask for Mr Reynolds, he's the Manager. I don't know him personally, but I've spoken to his boss. Don't say no, Jacko. Give yourself a break. +For Christ's sake, Jacko, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Have you written that name down? Reynolds, at the Golden Lion. All right, dad. Yes, I'll call him. +So how are you doing, dad? Great. I've just started a new company. Solid financing. It's good. I love you Jacko, you know that +Great. I've just started a new company. Solid financing. It's good. I love you Jacko, you know that Yes, I know that. +Yes, I know that. Don't let yourself down. +Don't let yourself down. I won't. Goodbye, dad. +I'm sorry, madam, we don't accept gratuities in the UK. It's different in South Africa. You know where I'm from? +I've lived there. Well, thank you anyway. +Oh hello. You know what? I'd like to buy you a drink. +You know what? I'd like to buy you a drink. It's against the rules. Dealers are forbidden to talk to punters. +It's against the rules. Dealers are forbidden to talk to punters. That's stupid. What are the odds of you being seen with me? +That's stupid. What are the odds of you being seen with me? Impossible to calculate. +To coincidence. There's a casino in this hotel. +There's a casino in this hotel. I'm not much of a gambler really. I just like this bar. +I'm not much of a gambler really. I just like this bar. So why did you come to my casino? +So why did you come to my casino? I was at a loose end. A friend of a friend gave me a courtesy membership. +I was at a loose end. A friend of a friend gave me a courtesy membership. First visit to London? +First visit to London? No, no. I come every couple of years. I always think I'm going to stay. I'm from Cape Town originally +No, no. I come every couple of years. I always think I'm going to stay. I'm from Cape Town originally I was born in the Transkei, on the Wild Coast. +I was born in the Transkei, on the Wild Coast. Near the casino. +Near the casino. In the casino. +In the casino. Now there's a coincidence. My father used to gamble there. +Now there's a coincidence. My father used to gamble there. Your father? +Your father? I loved the atmosphere. But it destroyed my poor mother. +I loved the atmosphere. But it destroyed my poor mother. The debts. +The debts. And the lies. Gamblers are born liars. +And the lies. Gamblers are born liars. And superstitious too. It's like witchcraft. +And superstitious too. It's like witchcraft. That's Africa. There's an African in all of us, isn't there? +That's Africa. There's an African in all of us, isn't there? We all came from Africa, supposedly. +We all came from Africa, supposedly. Do you believe in astrology? +Do you believe in astrology? Absolutely not. But then, I'm a Gemini and Geminis don't believe in astrology. +I'm not married. I wear it to keep the flies off. I must go. Let me pay for this. Absolutely not. +Absolutely not. Toss you for it. +Toss you for it. I don't gamble. +How did you hurt your hand? Just an accident. Nothing. +Just an accident. Nothing. Turn left ahead. +Jani, there's something I want to say. Before we get there. I don't know what the sleeping arrangements are. Giles probably expects us to share a room. That's fine. +He doesn't gamble. I'll watch. +What happened? Remember the guy who cheated at the table? +Remember the guy who cheated at the table? You don't like cheats, do you. +Which side do you like? You choose. +That trick tonight, I don't think I've ever seen that before. It can only work with amateurs, A pro would have spotted it. +It can only work with amateurs, A pro would have spotted it. I didn't. +I didn't. Then you're not a pro. +I'm in trouble. What kind of trouble? +What kind of trouble? I owe a lot of money. +I owe a lot of money. Was that why you did the two grand? I couldn't help you. +Was that why you did the two grand? I couldn't help you. I know that. But you can now. +I know that. But you can now. I don't have any money. switches on the light. JANI is looking distressed. +I don't have any money. switches on the light. JANI is looking distressed. Some people I know, they're planning to rob The Golden Lion. +They mean it. Who's they? +Who's they? My creditors. One night, around three in the morning, they'll come into the casino - +My creditors. One night, around three in the morning, they'll come into the casino - Forget it, Jani. It'll never work. +Forget it, Jani. It'll never work. The point is, they want a man inside. +The point is, they want a man inside. And I thought you were a bright woman. +And I thought you were a bright woman. Just listen. You don't have to do anything criminal. +Just listen. You don't have to do anything criminal. Robbery's not criminal? +You don't have to be criminal. A man will come up to your table and deliberately cheat. You'll see him, stop him, and the guy will make a big scene. There'll be chaos. And that's when it'll happen. You're serious. +You're serious. You won't be committing a crime. The man will cheat, you'll just be doing your job, that's all. +And I thought you were only after my body. I've come to know you. You're honest. I trust you. +I've come to know you. You're honest. I trust you. What'll you do when it all goes wrong? +What'll you do when it all goes wrong? It won't. +It won't. But if it does. +But if it does. You keep the ten thousand pounds. +You keep the ten thousand pounds. What ten thousand pounds? +These people will pay you ten thousand before and ten thousand after. They want someone they can be sure of, an honest dealer. That's the point. Not all dealers are honest. Mr Reynolds will never suspect you. Reynolds? You've done your research. +Next time it'll be my neck. What about my neck? +I want to go back to Cape Town, I want to start again, clean. I can't do it, Jani. +I can't do it, Jani. I'm asking you, as a...friend. You'd be saving the life of a friend. +I want you to forget what I said. Wait a minute... +Wait a minute... No, forget it. The bet's off. +How much do you owe? Let it go. +Let it go. Did they tell you to sleep with me? +Did they tell you to sleep with me? I told you, all bets are off. +I'm sorry. What for? +What for? I have to take the car. +Is it yes? Yes. +Yes. Thank you. +It doesn't seem fair. You're offering me ten grand in cash but you can't afford a decent place. Well, life's not fair. We know that. +Well, life's not fair. We know that. It's all relative. I need the money too. +It's all relative. I need the money too. Do you? +Do you? Yes. +Yes. The date's not set yet. I'll call you. One last thing: the man you're going to catch cheating, he may get violent. But you know how to deal with cheats. +The date's not set yet. I'll call you. One last thing: the man you're going to catch cheating, he may get violent. But you know how to deal with cheats. That bruise has cleared up nicely. +That bruise has cleared up nicely. Bruise? Oh, yes. It's better. +Bruise? Oh, yes. It's better. I've still got mine. +And your hand too. I took the bandage off yesterday. +Would you like a drink? No thank you. +I don't think we should meet again. It's a shame there aren't more men in the world like you. +Hello... Jack! It's Jani. +Jani! Where are you? Sun City. I've been meaning to call you for months. +Sun City. I've been meaning to call you for months. How are you? +How are you? Great. I'm getting married. At least, I think I am. +Great. I'm getting married. At least, I think I am. Did you solve your problems? +Did you solve your problems? Yes. I'm all over that now. Jack, hold on a minute. There's someone here who wants to talk to you... +Detective Inspector Ross. Who... +Who... Ross. +Ross. Who did it? Tell me! +Of course I recognised him! You did? +You did? I know a cheat when I see one. The man was a cheat. +You've been avoiding me. Have I? +Have I? I'm Lucy. +I'm Lucy. And what do you do, Lucy? +And what do you do, Lucy? I'm a witch. A white witch. Why don't we move on? +I'm a witch. A white witch. Why don't we move on? Are you going to put a spell on me? +Are you going to put a spell on me? I might. +Nice car. How much did you pay for it? Too much. Eighteen hundred. +Where to? Turn left at the lights. +Where do you live, Jack? Over the river. +Over the river. Have you got transport? +I'm going over the river. I'll give you a lift if you like. Thanks. +So how do you feel, your first night? I'll bet you're on a high. Nice car. +Nice car. She's my baby. +She's my baby. How long have you worked at the casino? +How long have you worked at the casino? Coming up to two years now. But I was away for six months. +Coming up to two years now. But I was away for six months. You've done pretty well. +You've done pretty well. Not bad. I have other interests, of course. +I'm off to a little watering hole. Why don't you join me? Relax. No thanks, Matt. I need my eight hours. +No thanks, Matt. I need my eight hours. I'll lay you five to one you won't sleep. In this job you have to unwind. Otherwise it'll kill you. I mean that. +I'll lay you five to one you won't sleep. In this job you have to unwind. Otherwise it'll kill you. I mean that. Some other time. +Look Matt, there's something I have to say to you. I saw you cheating. What the fuck are you talking about? +What the fuck are you talking about? That Greek guy who won at the end. You paid him out in 25s not 20s. +That Greek guy who won at the end. You paid him out in 25s not 20s. I don't cheat, Jack. You've got it wrong. +I don't cheat, Jack. You've got it wrong. I'm not going to report it. +What are you, a cop? If I see you do it again, I'll report it. +If I see you do it again, I'll report it. I don't get you. Even if it was true, which it isn't, what the fuck difference would it make to you? +I don't get you. Even if it was true, which it isn't, what the fuck difference would it make to you? Because if a supervisor knew I'd seen you and I hadn't reported it, I'd lose my job as well. And I can't afford that. +Because if a supervisor knew I'd seen you and I hadn't reported it, I'd lose my job as well. And I can't afford that. So it's Mr Clean. Wise up, Jack, this whole business is bent. The casino is nothing but legal theft. And that's OK. It's the system. Half the punters who come in are using stolen money, drug money, they haven't earned it. We earn our money. I'm on your side, Jack. I don't need an enemy. +So it's Mr Clean. Wise up, Jack, this whole business is bent. The casino is nothing but legal theft. And that's OK. It's the system. Half the punters who come in are using stolen money, drug money, they haven't earned it. We earn our money. I'm on your side, Jack. I don't need an enemy. You're talking about complicity. +You're talking about complicity. I don't know what that means. I'm talking about not rocking the boat. +Who are these guys? Mostly people in the casino business. A few drug dealers. +Mostly people in the casino business. A few drug dealers. And the girls? +And the girls? Just girls. What are you drinking? +Just girls. What are you drinking? Vodka. Straight. On the rocks. +Vodka. Straight. On the rocks. Good call. Help yourself. +Does Bella come here? That bitch? No. +Hey Jack, join us. No thanks. +No thanks. Don't worry, I won't report you! +Don't worry, I won't report you! I don't gamble. +I'm off. I need to sleep. Loosen up, Jack. If you don't, this job'll get to you. The pressure's too much, believe me, it'll break you. +Loosen up, Jack. If you don't, this job'll get to you. The pressure's too much, believe me, it'll break you. """The world breaks everyone, and afterwards many are strong in the broken places."" Ernest Hemingway." +I can't give you a lift back tonight. Don't worry. +Rough day? Rough life, Jack. +What happened to Bella? I'll tell you later. +What? You know what happened to me, don't you? That bitch Bella shopped me. I'd like to beat the shit out of her. I'd like to buy you a drink. +I'd like to buy you a drink. Cheers. Happy New Year. I really like you, Jacko, you're so fucking straight. Hey, you haven't changed your clothes! +I'm sorry, sir, that's a late bet. What are you talking about? It's 11, I've won. With this lady. +What are you talking about? It's 11, I've won. With this lady. You've won with the two chips you placed earlier, but the third chip was a late bet. +You've won with the two chips you placed earlier, but the third chip was a late bet. I put them on together. +I put them on together. I'm afraid that's not so, sir. +You don't recognise me? You had me barred. You fucking little worm. Wait a minute. You got yourself barred. +Wait a minute. You got yourself barred. It was you, you shit. +David Reynolds, I'm the Manager here. Sit down, John. Jack. +You've been recommended by the management here. They know your father. He has a bit of a reputation, hasn't he? Has he? +Has he? In any case, I understand you've had some previous experience... in South Africa. You'll find the rules a little different here. Before we start, you haven't got a police record, have you? +In any case, I understand you've had some previous experience... in South Africa. You'll find the rules a little different here. Before we start, you haven't got a police record, have you? No. +Where did you go to school? I was at Beadles. +I was at Beadles. I don't think I know that one. Private, I suppose. +There are three types of casino in the U.K. High volume. Small faction. And MOTR. That's middle of the road. Us. Do you have a Salon Prive? +Do you have a Salon Prive? We tried. But there wasn't enough business. The punters like company. +I have to assume the serial numbers on the bowl and cylinder correspond. We check every four days. +We check every four days. Why four? And not three or five? +Why four? And not three or five? It's the procedure here. Now sort the chips. +Stacks of 20. Rows of 5. Any exceptions? +Any exceptions? 25 pounds or 25 pence in fours. +25 pounds or 25 pence in fours. Give me 365. +You use two alternating, don't you? We do. +We do. Where's the magnet? +Where's the magnet? They've been tested. +Haven't you forgotten something? I don't think so. +I don't think so. Wipe your hands. +Not with your own cloth. Besides, your pockets will be stitched. What happens if I want to sneeze? +What happens if I want to sneeze? You won't. Not without permission. +How many aces are left? Five. +Five. I make it six. +I make it six. Five. +What makes you so sure? It's a rule. Always stand by your first count. The odds are you're right. +It's a rule. Always stand by your first count. The odds are you're right. Good call. +You want me to check? I said good call. +Let me just run through a few things. As a dealer you never gamble, not anywhere. We'll need your picture. What for? +What for? For the database. It can be accessed by every casino in the country. We have the same system for punters. +For the database. It can be accessed by every casino in the country. We have the same system for punters. I don't gamble. +I don't gamble. Ever? +Ever? I don't gamble, Mr Reynolds. +Next point. Friendships between croupiers inside or outside the casino are discouraged. Relationships with females working here are expressly forbidden. We had the same rule at Sun City, but it was impossible to check. +We had the same rule at Sun City, but it was impossible to check. This isn't South Africa. We'd know, because someone would report it. Believe me, someone always does. +This isn't South Africa. We'd know, because someone would report it. Believe me, someone always does. Does know? Or does report? What would happen if I knew something like that and didn't report it? +Does know? Or does report? What would happen if I knew something like that and didn't report it? We'd know. There are no secrets in this casino. You'd be punished. +We'd know. There are no secrets in this casino. You'd be punished. How? +How? First offence: verbal warning. Second offence: written warning. That one's filed and sometimes copied to the Gaming Board. My discretion. Third offence: you're sacked on the spot. You'd never work in a casino in this country again. There's another rule: you're forbidden to talk to or recognise a punter outside the casino. If you see someone who's gambled here, even if it's just casually on the street, you must ignore him. Or her. You're not married, are you? +Girlfriend? Yes. +Yes. She's not in the gaming business is she? +She's not in the gaming business is she? No. +This is our Crow's Nest. I'm showing it to you now, but you'll never see it again. Very impressive. +Very impressive. We have tapes in here that go back six months. Let me show you something. +You can start Monday week. Fine. +Fine. That hair will have to go. +That hair will have to go. Fine. +I just want the job. Jack, you're not the usual type we get here. +Why don't you take a break, Jack. All right, Mr Reynolds. +Mr Tchai always likes to play at that table, and only with Bella. Does he win? +Does he win? He's a good customer. +He's paying out in stacks of 25. I can see. +Thanks for the information. A pleasure. Pity about Bella. +A pleasure. Pity about Bella. She was a real asset. But what could I do? +How do you feel, Jack? Bruised. +Bruised. Take your time. Two weeks. Three if you need it. We'll pay you sick leave. I don't want to lose you. You're a good man. Here... +I have a reduced drive reading of seven thousand. Right, that checks out here. +Ninety seven million, minus eight, corrected to mass critical. I read that with a quantum increase of seven. +I'm getting this flickering light on one of my panels. What flickering light? +What flickering light? The one on unit... oh, I think it's GMR twelve zero zero. +The one on unit... oh, I think it's GMR twelve zero zero. Oh. What's wrong now? +Oh. What's wrong now? I'm not sure. I think something is fucked up somewhere in the ship, though. +I'm not sure. I think something is fucked up somewhere in the ship, though. I hope it's not the oven again. +I hope it's not the oven again. Yeah. +Yeah. Remember when the artificial gravity, went out in the toilet? +There she is. Definite 99%-plus probability that the planet is going to deviate from its normal orbit in another twelve thousand rotations. It'll spiral in toward its sun, and -- Eventual supernova. +I can tell, the damn thing just doesn't understand. Look, bomb... +What's he doin'? I think he's talking to it. +The key! Key? Key? What is the key? +Key? Key? What is the key? No, no, the key, the key to the fail- safe lock! +No, no, the key, the key to the fail- safe lock! Key? +Key? Where's the fail-safe key? +Where's the fail-safe key? The key! +The key! Where is it? What did you do with it? +Where is it? What did you do with it? I don't have it. I don't know where it is. +I don't have it. I don't know where it is. You must have it, you idiot, we can stop the bomb! +The key, goddamit, the key! Christ, twenty seconds, Christ! +Christ, twenty seconds, Christ! Where is the key? +Where is the key? We're gonna die, Boiler. We're gonna die. +It didn't go off. Oh, God... +Oh, God... It didn't go off. +It didn't go off. Boiler, we're alive. My heart. +We've got to disarm the bomb. Doolittle, are you there? +What was that, I didn't hear... It's Talby. He's drifting away from the ship without his jetpack. +What the hell? Yoo hoo, bomb... +Pinback, I have a computer reading of nine five seven seven. Time to start talking. +Well... now what? What do, you have for us now. Boiler? Not much. Nothing at all in this sector. +Not much. Nothing at all in this sector. Find me something, I don't care where it is. +Find me something, I don't care where it is. Well, I show a 95% probability of sentient life in the Horsehead Nebula... +Well, I show a 95% probability of sentient life in the Horsehead Nebula... Fuck that shit. +Fuck that shit. Well, it is kind of a long shot... +Well, it is kind of a long shot... It's a goddamn wild goose chase. Remember when Commander Powell found that 99 plus probability of sentient life in the Magellanic Cloud? +It's a goddamn wild goose chase. Remember when Commander Powell found that 99 plus probability of sentient life in the Magellanic Cloud? Well, there's the possibility of... +Well, there's the possibility of... Remember what we found? Fourteen light years for a fucking mindless vegetable that looked like a limp balloon and went squawk and let a fart when you touched it. Remember? +Remember what we found? Fourteen light years for a fucking mindless vegetable that looked like a limp balloon and went squawk and let a fart when you touched it. Remember? All right, then... +All right, then... So don't give me any of that sentient life crap. Find me something I can blow up. +Hey, Doolittle, here's one. An unstable planet. 85% probability of an unstable planet in the Veil Nebula that will probably go off its orbit and hit a star. Sounds good. Chart a course for the Veil Nebula. +Sounds good. Chart a course for the Veil Nebula. Pinback, throw me the chart log. +Why doesn't Talby ever eat down here with the rest of us? He just likes it up in the dome, that's all. +Quantum is up thirty-five. I read the same here. +Rechannel all safety relays -- -- open quantum latches -- +Talby, Talby, can you read me? Can you beat that? I always knew Talby was weird. +Can you beat that? I always knew Talby was weird. Talby, can you read me? +Well, bomb, we have about sixty seconds to drop. Just wondering if everything is all right. Have you checked your platinum euridium energy shielding? Energy shielding positive function. +Energy shielding positive function. Swell. Let's synchronize detonation time. Do you know when you're supposed to go off? +Swell. Let's synchronize detonation time. Do you know when you're supposed to go off? Detonation in six minutes, twenty seconds. +Detonation in six minutes, twenty seconds. All right, I have detonation time at... Wait a minute, something's wrong with the clock. All right, I have detonation time at... no, that can't be right, it says three years. Okay, I have six minutes exactly. Does that check out down there? +All right, I have detonation time at... Wait a minute, something's wrong with the clock. All right, I have detonation time at... no, that can't be right, it says three years. Okay, I have six minutes exactly. Does that check out down there? Check at six minutes. +Check at six minutes. Arm yourself, bomb. +Armed. Well, then, everything sounds fine. We'll drop you off in thirty-five seconds. Good luck. +Well, then, everything sounds fine. We'll drop you off in thirty-five seconds. Good luck. Thanks. +Thanks. Begin main sequence. Mark at 10-9-8- 7-6-5-4-3-2-1-drop. +Fail safe in lock. Four minutes to drop, 22 minutes to detonation. This is Sergeant Pinback calling Bomb #20. Do you read me, bomb? Bomb #20 to Sergeant Pinback. Roger, I read you, continue. +One hundred twenty seconds to drop, bomb, have you checked your platinum euridium energy shielding? Energy shielding positive function. +Energy shielding positive function. Do you remember the detonation time? +Do you remember the detonation time? Detonation in twenty minutes. +Detonation in twenty minutes. Right, that synchronizes here. Okay, bomb, arm yourself. +Right, that synchronizes here. Okay, bomb, arm yourself. Armed. +Everything sounds fine, bomb. Dropping you off in sixty seconds. Good luck. Thanks. +But you can't explode in the bomb bay. It's foolish. You'll kill us all. There's no reason for it. I am programmed to detonate in nine minutes. Detonation will occur at the programmed time. +I am programmed to detonate in nine minutes. Detonation will occur at the programmed time. You won't consider another course of action, for instance just waiting around awhile so we can disarm you? +You won't consider another course of action, for instance just waiting around awhile so we can disarm you? No. +You are false data. Huh? +Huh? Therefore, I shall ignore you. +Therefore, I shall ignore you. Hello, bomb. +Hello, bomb. False data can act only as a distraction. Therefore. I shall refuse to perceive you. +False data can act only as a distraction. Therefore. I shall refuse to perceive you. Hey, bomb. +Hey, bomb. The only thing which exists is myself. +The only thing which exists is myself. Bomb? +Snap out of it, bomb. In the beginning there was darkness, and the darkness was without form and void. +Hey, bomb... And I saw that I was alone. +This is Lieutenant Doolittle calling Bomb #20. I repeat previous order, you are to disarm yourself and return immediately to the bomb bay. Do you understand? I am programmed to detonate in fourteen minutes thirty seconds. Detonation will occur at the programmed time. +I am programmed to detonate in fourteen minutes thirty seconds. Detonation will occur at the programmed time. Bomb, this is Doolittle. You are not to detonate, repeat, you are not to detonate in the bomb bay. Disarm yourself. This is an order. +Bomb, this is Doolittle. You are not to detonate, repeat, you are not to detonate in the bomb bay. Disarm yourself. This is an order. I read you, Lieutenant Doolittle, but I am programmed to detonate in fourteen minutes. Detonation will occur at the programmed time. +Hello, bomb, are you with me? Of course. +Of course. Are you willing to entertain a few concepts? +Are you willing to entertain a few concepts? I am always receptive to suggestions. +I am always receptive to suggestions. Fine. Think about this one, then: how do you know you exist? +Well of course I exist. But how do you know you exist? +But how do you know you exist? It is intuitively obvious. +It is intuitively obvious. Intuition is no proof. What concrete evidence do you have of your own existence? +Intuition is no proof. What concrete evidence do you have of your own existence? Hmm... Well, I think, therefore I am. +Hmm... Well, I think, therefore I am. That's good. Very good. Now then, how do you know that anything else exists? +That's good. Very good. Now then, how do you know that anything else exists? My sensory apparatus reveals it to me. +My sensory apparatus reveals it to me. Right! +Right! This is fun. +This is fun. All right now, here's the big question: how do you know that the evidence your sensory apparatus reveals to you is correct? +What I'm getting at is this: the only experience that is directly available to you is your sensory data. And this data is merely a stream of electrical impulses which stimulate your computing center. In other words, all I really know about the outside universe relayed to me through my electrical connections. +In other words, all I really know about the outside universe relayed to me through my electrical connections. Exactly. +Exactly. Why, that would mean... I really don't know what the outside universe is like at all, for certain. +Why, that would mean... I really don't know what the outside universe is like at all, for certain. That's it. +That's it. Intriguing. I wish I had more time to discuss this matter. +Intriguing. I wish I had more time to discuss this matter. Why don't you have more time? +Why don't you have more time? Because I must detonate in seventy- five seconds. +Now, bomb, consider this next question, very carefully. What is your one purpose in life? To explode, of course. +To explode, of course. And you can only do it once, right? +And you can only do it once, right? That is correct. +That is correct. And you wouldn't want to explode on the basis of false data, would you? +And you wouldn't want to explode on the basis of false data, would you? Of course not. +Of course not. Well then, you've already admitted that you have no real proof of the existence of the outside universe. +Well then, you've already admitted that you have no real proof of the existence of the outside universe. Yes, well... +Yes, well... So you have no absolute proof that Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate. +So you have no absolute proof that Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate. I recall distinctly the detonation order. My memory is good on matters like these. +I recall distinctly the detonation order. My memory is good on matters like these. Yes, of course you remember it, but what you are remembering is merely a series of electrical impulses which you now realize have no necessary connection with outside reality. +Yes, of course you remember it, but what you are remembering is merely a series of electrical impulses which you now realize have no necessary connection with outside reality. True, but since this is so, I have no proof that you are really telling me all this. +That's all beside the point. The concepts are valid, wherever they originate. Hmmm... +Hmmm... So if you detonate in... +So if you detonate in... ...nine seconds... +...nine seconds... ...you may be doing so on the basis of false data. +...you may be doing so on the basis of false data. I have no proof that it was false data. +I have no proof that it was false data. You have no proof that it was correct data. +Ah, what'd you say, Pinback? Mafhkin oble groop... +Mafhkin oble groop... Ah, what was that again, I still can't hear you? +Ah, what was that again, I still can't hear you? I said I'm trying to reach Talby. Something's wrong with the damn intercom. I need a last-minute diameter approximation. +I need a GHF reading on the gravity correction. I'll check it. +Pinback... Yes, Doolittle. +Yes, Doolittle. Your GHF reading is minus fifteen. +Your GHF reading is minus fifteen. Doolittle... +Doolittle... Yes. +Yes. I need a computer reading on a fail- safe mark. +I need a computer reading on a fail- safe mark. In a second. +In a second. Boiler, can you set me up with some temp figures? +New star. Hey, guess what? I got a new star on the readout. Which one? +Which one? Another unknown. Not on the charts. A red dwarf. +Another unknown. Not on the charts. A red dwarf. Any planets? +Any planets? Yeah. Eight, it says here. +Yeah. Eight, it says here. Any of 'em any good? +Any of 'em any good? Naah. All stable. +What are you gonna name it? What? +What? The new star. What are you gonna name it? +The new star. What are you gonna name it? Who cares. Don't bother me. +Commander Powell would have named it. Commander Powell is dead. +Come on, Doolittle, give it a name. Fred. +Fred. Wha? +Wha? I hereby name this star Fred. +Hey, Doolittle, think we'll ever find real intelligent life out there? Out where? +Out where? Veil nebula. +Veil nebula. Who cares? +Mark at 5-4-3-2-1-drop. Ah, negative drop. +-- open circuit breakers -- -- remove thrust drive repellant -- +-- remove thrust drive repellant -- -- automatic channels open -- +-- automatic channels open -- -- Remark. +-- Remark. 5-4-3-2-1-drop, drop, drop! +I'm coming in now. I'm down by the Emergency Air Lock. Too much trouble to come in the Ventral Lock. Would you blow the seal on the emergency hatch so I can come in? Oh, sure. +Hello, Pinback, are you there? Yeah, Doolittle. What's up? +Yeah, Doolittle. What's up? Talby was in the air lock. You blew him out of the ship. I'm going after him. Turn on his helmet radio so I can contact him. +TALBY! Oh! Ah, yes, Doolittle. What is it? +I need a diameter approximation. Okay, Doolittle, I'll have it in a minute. +You know, Talby, you really ought to eat with the rest of us. You spend too much time up here. I like it up here. +I like it up here. Must get lonely being up here so much. +Must get lonely being up here so much. I don't like to go below since Commander Powell died. I feel enclosed down there. If it were big enough, I'd sleep up here... +I don't like to go below since Commander Powell died. I feel enclosed down there. If it were big enough, I'd sleep up here... ...Should spend some time below, see more of the rest of the ship... +...Should spend some time below, see more of the rest of the ship... ...You see, I can watch things up here, Doolittle. I love to watch things, just stare at the planets and meteors and asteroids, gas clusters... +...You see, I can watch things up here, Doolittle. I love to watch things, just stare at the planets and meteors and asteroids, gas clusters... You'll have plenty of time for that, you know. Figure it this way: twenty years in space and we've only aged three, so there'll be plenty of time to stare around... +You'll have plenty of time for that, you know. Figure it this way: twenty years in space and we've only aged three, so there'll be plenty of time to stare around... You know, Doollttle, if we're going into the Veil Nebula, we may actually find a strange and beautiful thing: the Phoenix Asteroids. They should be passing through there about now... +You know, Doollttle, if we're going into the Veil Nebula, we may actually find a strange and beautiful thing: the Phoenix Asteroids. They should be passing through there about now... Phoenix Asteroids? Never heard of 'em. +Phoenix Asteroids? Never heard of 'em. They are a body of asteroids that make a complete circuit of the universe once every 12.3 trillion years. The Phoenix Asteroids... From what I've heard, Doolittle, they glow... glow with all the colors of the rainbow. Nobody knows why. They just glow as they drift around the universe. Imagine all the sights they've seen in the time they've been travelling -- the birth and death of stars, things we'll never see. The universe is alive, Doolittle. I thought it was all empty, but it isn't. In between the stars, it's seething with light and gasses and dust. There are little pebbles drifting around, planets no one on Earth has ever seen... No one but the Phoenix Asteroids... +You know what I think about, Talby? I'm getting something here, on this readout... +I'm getting something here, on this readout... It's funny, but I kind of sit around, you know, a lot of time to myself... +It's funny, but I kind of sit around, you know, a lot of time to myself... I think I'm getting a malfunction here somewhere. +I think I'm getting a malfunction here somewhere. I can't talk to the others, but with time to myself, I think about back home, back home at Malibu. I used to surf a lot, Talby. I used to be a great surfer. +I can't talk to the others, but with time to myself, I think about back home, back home at Malibu. I used to surf a lot, Talby. I used to be a great surfer. Lieutenant Doolittle, I'm getting a definite malfunction on one of the closed-circuit computer systems... +Lieutenant Doolittle, I'm getting a definite malfunction on one of the closed-circuit computer systems... The waves at Malibu and Zuma were fantastic in the springs Talby. I can remember running out on the beach early spring mornings with my board and a wet suit... +The waves at Malibu and Zuma were fantastic in the springs Talby. I can remember running out on the beach early spring mornings with my board and a wet suit... I can't seem to locate the malfunction exactly... +I can't seem to locate the malfunction exactly... Waves would be peaking really high and glassy. Hit that water. Ridin' the wall just perfect. +Waves would be peaking really high and glassy. Hit that water. Ridin' the wall just perfect. ...Somewhere in the autonomic relay circuits... +...Somewhere in the autonomic relay circuits... I guess I miss the waves and my board most of all. +Ah, Doolittle, I do have a malfunction on this readout, but I can't seem to pinpoint exactly where it is. Don't worry about it. We'll find out when it goes bad. +Don't worry about it. We'll find out when it goes bad. I really think I should try and locate it immediately. Might be something important. +I really think I should try and locate it immediately. Might be something important. I wish I had my board with me now. Even if I could only polish it once in awhile. +Lieutenant Doolittle, this is Talby. Lieutenant? Yes, Talby, what is it? +Yes, Talby, what is it? Sorry to interrupt your lunch, sir, but I'm in the Computer Room, and I think I've located the malfunction. The scanner shows it to be some sort of fault in the communications laser, down by the Emergency Air Lock. Can't pinpoint it exactly, but I'm going down there with a starsuit and try to find it. +Sorry to interrupt your lunch, sir, but I'm in the Computer Room, and I think I've located the malfunction. The scanner shows it to be some sort of fault in the communications laser, down by the Emergency Air Lock. Can't pinpoint it exactly, but I'm going down there with a starsuit and try to find it. Sounds good, Talby. Let me know if anything important comes up. +Ah, Lieutenant Doolittle? Sir? Sh, Talby, don't bother me now. +Sh, Talby, don't bother me now. Ah, well, I think I've found the malfunction, sir. I'm in the Emergency Air Lock... +Ah, well, I think I've found the malfunction, sir. I'm in the Emergency Air Lock... Not now! +Not now! Well, I'm in the Emergency Air Lock and -- +Doolittle! Help me. Calm down, Talby. I'm coming. +Doolittle, Doolittle, where are you? Here I am. I think I'm spinning... We're both falling, Talby, in opposite directions, away from each other. My -- my jetpack's gone. +Here I am. I think I'm spinning... We're both falling, Talby, in opposite directions, away from each other. My -- my jetpack's gone. What happened, Doolittle? +What happened, Doolittle? Bomb must have gone off inside the ship. Nothing we can do about it now. Hey, it looks like... the skipper. He made it. Commander Powell made it! +Looks like I'm headed for the planet, Talby. Going right toward it. When you fall, Doolittle, if there's anyone down there on the planet, somebody may see you. They may see you coming down. What a beautiful way to die... as a falling star... +When you fall, Doolittle, if there's anyone down there on the planet, somebody may see you. They may see you coming down. What a beautiful way to die... as a falling star... Guess you're right. +Oh yeah? Doolittle... I think it's the Phoenix Asteroids! +Doolittle... I think it's the Phoenix Asteroids! Phoenix? +It is, Doolittle, it's the Phoenix! They glow with all the colors of the rainbow, just like everybody said. No kidding? +No kidding? I'm going into them, I'm going to hit them. Doolittle... +I'm going into them, I'm going to hit them. Doolittle... Yeah? +Yeah? Before we get too far away, and our signals start to fade, I just wanted to tell you... you were my favorite. I really liked you, Doolittle. +Before we get too far away, and our signals start to fade, I just wanted to tell you... you were my favorite. I really liked you, Doolittle. I really liked you too, Talby. Hey, some debris from the ship! It's coming right by me. +Commander Powell, this is Doolittle. Ah, there's something serious come up, sir, and I have to ask you something. I'm glad you've come to talk with me, Doolittle. It's been so long since anyone has come to talk with me. +I'm glad you've come to talk with me, Doolittle. It's been so long since anyone has come to talk with me. Commander, sir, we have a big problem. You see, the Veil Nebula bomb, Bomb Number 20, is stuck. It won't drop from the bomb bay. It refuses to listen and plans to detonate in -- -- less than eleven minutes. +Commander, sir, we have a big problem. You see, the Veil Nebula bomb, Bomb Number 20, is stuck. It won't drop from the bomb bay. It refuses to listen and plans to detonate in -- -- less than eleven minutes. Doolittle, you must tell me one thing. +Doolittle, you must tell me one thing. What's that, sir? +What's that, sir? Tell me, Doolittle, how are the Dodgers doing? +Tell me, Doolittle, how are the Dodgers doing? Well, sir, the Dodgers broke up, disbanded over thirteen years ago. +Well, sir, the Dodgers broke up, disbanded over thirteen years ago. Ah... pity, pity... +Ah... pity, pity... You don't understand, sir, we can't get the bomb to drop. +You don't understand, sir, we can't get the bomb to drop. Ah, so many malfunctions... why don't you have anything nice to tell me when you activate me? Oh, well, did you try the azimuth clutch? +Ah, so many malfunctions... why don't you have anything nice to tell me when you activate me? Oh, well, did you try the azimuth clutch? Yes sir. Negative effect. +Yes sir. Negative effect. What was that, Doolittle? +What was that, Doolittle? Negative effect. +Negative effect. It didn't work? +It didn't work? That's correct, sir. +That's correct, sir. Sorry, Doolittle. I've forgotten so much since I've been in here. So much. +Sorry, Doolittle. I've forgotten so much since I've been in here. So much. What should we do, sir? The time is running out. +What should we do, sir? The time is running out. Well, what you might try is -- +Commander Powell? Commander, hello! Doolittle, hello? +Doolittle, hello? Sorry, sir, you faded out there for a minute. +Sorry, sir, you faded out there for a minute. Sorry. +Sorry. What were you saying, Commander, about the bomb? +What were you saying, Commander, about the bomb? Ah... it seems to me, Doolittle... Sorry, I've drawn a blank. Hold it. I'll have it again in a minute. I forget so many things in here, so many things. Hold on, just a minute, let me think... +Commander? Are you still there? Oh, yes, Doolittle, I'm thinking. +Oh, yes, Doolittle, I'm thinking. We're running out of time, sir. +We're running out of time, sir. Oh, yes... Well, Doolittle, if you can't get it to drop you'll have to talk to it. +Oh, yes... Well, Doolittle, if you can't get it to drop you'll have to talk to it. Sir? +Sir? Talk to the bomb. +Talk to the bomb. I already have, sir, and Pinback is talking to it now. +I already have, sir, and Pinback is talking to it now. No, no, Doolittle, you talk to it. Teach it Phenomenology, Doolittle. +No, no, Doolittle, you talk to it. Teach it Phenomenology, Doolittle. Sir? +Sir? Phenomenology... +Men... men... what happened, men? Yeah, the skipper always was lucky. +Who are you? Bruno's girlfriend. +Bruno's girlfriend. Oh, yeah? +Oh, yeah? Yeah. +Yeah. But see tonight wives and girlfriends aren't invited. +But see tonight wives and girlfriends aren't invited. No? +No? No... Cause tonight the girls are here in a more or less professional capacity. All of them work for me, and you don't... Let's go. +Okay, okay. I can explain... You ever have to do something you really don't want to? How I make my living, what's your point? +How I make my living, what's your point? This. +Mr. Sonrisa saw you on the cameras. He wants you to come see him. I'm on a break. +I'm on a break. Guess again. +No wire. Now that that's out of the way... You want the woman, here's how it works. You pull fifty large out of your mattress or wherever, and I make a call to bring her in. +Or we can work on your face with a pair of pliers for a couple of hours and you tell us where she is. Or we could go another way 'cause your boss seems to like my face just the way it is. +Look, that thing about the pliers, I was just doing what the man pays me to do. Ya know? Comin' off hard. Yeah, sure, I understand. +I never woulda done it. Probably not, anyway. I mean, I actually think you're pretty cool. Yeah? +You're attractive, you're smart. Stand on your own two feet, know what I mean? And you got a wicked sense of humor. Man, you really zinged the boss a couple times, it was all I could do-- Sooo...whattya think? Maybe after I betray the woman who trusts me and you take her and her daughter out and execute them...we could go on a date. Play a little miniature golf or somethin'. +Man, you got a bad attitude. I like to keep it professional, that's all. +Fine. So call her. Get her over here. Actually, that's not gonna be necessary. +Actually, that's not gonna be necessary. What? +What? That's not why we're here. +That's not why we're here. What the hell are you talkin' about? Call her. +Call the skank now or I start redecorating. You haven't figured this out yet, have you? You walk in here thinking you're gonna cap her then cap me and take the money back to your boss with your tail wagging... But see it's really the other way around. You think I'm the whack, when actually you're the whack. +See what you don't know is you're already in the last two minutes of your life. You're in the last two seconds, you don't cut the crap. +You can hardly blame him, the way you've been taking care of business...or should I say, not taking care of it. What're you talkin' about? +What're you talkin' about? I'm hired to do a piece of work, my mark goes down and stays down. Your's makes it to the hospital where you then gotta go finish the job. Only the cops got the whole thing on video tape. +I'm hired to do a piece of work, my mark goes down and stays down. Your's makes it to the hospital where you then gotta go finish the job. Only the cops got the whole thing on video tape. That's a lotta crap. +That's a lotta crap. Security camera got you coming outta the stairwell, weapon in your hand, going to room one-oh-four and greasing the patient. It's embarrassing to the professional community, is what it is. +Security camera got you coming outta the stairwell, weapon in your hand, going to room one-oh-four and greasing the patient. It's embarrassing to the professional community, is what it is. How come I never hearda you before? +How come I never hearda you before? I'm outta Portland. Sonrisa didn't want local talent. +This is what your life's worth, Bruno. But the boss knows I always been loyal. +But the boss knows I always been loyal. He's got exposure. He sees you starin' at fifteen to life, there's a chance you could roll over, cop a plea, who knows? Man's figured the odds...and he can't take a chance. +Ass like your, I can see why he's worried you'll punk. What the hell are you doing? +What the hell are you doing? Who's Camille? +Who's Camille? None of your business. +None of your business. This won't hurt. Triple dose of insulin, you'll go into a coma, couple minutes you'll stop breathing and on a busy night, the coroner will probably mistake it for an O.D. Plus, it's way classier than blowin' your brains out. +Some of us are trying to sleep. You didn't tell me you lived with her. +You didn't tell me you lived with her. You know each other? +Nothing happened between me and Tia. Leave. Now. +Leave. Now. Can I say something in my defense? +Can I say something in my defense? No. +Move it. Where? +How're ya doin', Max. You mean until you showed up? +You mean until you showed up? You're not still pissed? +'Cause you went out the back door and nailed her girlfriend? Who would take offense to that? Justine was not an unwilling participant. +Do you know why I went after Justine? She was there... +She was there... Trying to have a relationship with you, Max, is like standing in a fog bank. You know you're in the middle of something only you have absolutely no idea where you are. +Trying to have a relationship with you, Max, is like standing in a fog bank. You know you're in the middle of something only you have absolutely no idea where you are. And when the fog lifted, there's Darren with his head under Justine's skirt. +And when the fog lifted, there's Darren with his head under Justine's skirt. Could you give us a moment. +Why would I be pissed? It was a complicated situation which could have been misconstrued, causing you to maybe take offense. +I was crazy about you...am crazy about you. But you keep everyone at arm's length like there's some great big dark something going on that-- I don't know... It's just that the more I tried to get close to you, the more you pulled away. I'm really glad we're having this conversation. You're right. I was angry at you. But talking about it-- The scales have fallen from my eyes and I see now that it was all my fault. Can you ever forgive me? +I'm really glad we're having this conversation. You're right. I was angry at you. But talking about it-- The scales have fallen from my eyes and I see now that it was all my fault. Can you ever forgive me? I see the perimeter defense system is still fully intact... At least I tried. +What are you doing here? I live here... Guess I don't have to ask what you're doing here. +I live here... Guess I don't have to ask what you're doing here. You're roommates? +What is it? Police drone. +It's a sweep. C'mon. What? Where're we going? +Lemme put some clothes on. No time. +Out there. No way. +No way. Unless you wanna end up in jail, let me and Kendra handle the cops. +But I'm afraid of-- Don't look down. +Nobody there to sign for it, mon. What's a bruddah s'posed to do, ride around all day with the damn package? So you just decided to return it to the sender. Or, in this case, the sender's wife. +So you just decided to return it to the sender. Or, in this case, the sender's wife. "Like de prophets say, ""Only the unrighteous husband sends expensive gift- wrapped underpants to another woman.""" +Which is none of your business...or mine. It concerns only Jah. But, in this case, I was the instrument of the Most High. +It concerns only Jah. But, in this case, I was the instrument of the Most High. Yeah, well around here, I'm the Most High... From now on, before you do anything, call in for instructions. +What're you lookin' at me for? I'm not his next of kin. Anyway, I don't got that kind of cash lyin' around. Theo rode for this place a long time, man. +Where'd you clip this? I didn't. It was a present from a guy. +I didn't. It was a present from a guy. Must think you're pretty special laying this on you. +Must think you're pretty special laying this on you. Thought so. Turned out he wanted me for something else though. +Thought so. Turned out he wanted me for something else though. Same old story. Not interested. +Same old story. Not interested. Thought I'd let you have first crack... Later. +What're you looking for? A grand. +A grand. Which means I gotta fence it for two. Who's got that kinda scrilla lying around, these being the worst of the times. +Which means I gotta fence it for two. Who's got that kinda scrilla lying around, these being the worst of the times. I ain't mad at you... +I ain't mad at you... I'll give you seventy-five bucks for it. +I'll give you seventy-five bucks for it. Later. +I shouldn't do this. But I got a client lookin' to score some fire power. Maybe you'll keep your eyes open for me. I don't get involved with guns. +I don't get involved with guns. I'll make it worth your while. +I'll make it worth your while. It's a rule. +You're light a deuce. Am I? +So Max, what do you do with all your money? I got overhead... +I made you coffee. That oughta help you cope with the injustice of the world a little. Thanks, it's starting to kick in. I feel almost human. +Thanks, it's starting to kick in. I feel almost human. Yeah, me too. +He's a mistake I made about six months before you did. But don't feel bad. Justine made the same mistake, along with Renee, Jada, Tia, Brooke-- Yech... +What a creep. And for all his cattin' around, not much of a stick man either. +What's with you? Every week this scumbag puts the squeeze on us and every week you roll out the welcome wagon like he's family. Just thought maybe he'd like a little coffee with his saliva. +Just thought maybe he'd like a little coffee with his saliva. You didn't... +You didn't... Every week. +Oh my God! In here! IN HERE! SHHH! Don't do that! +Damn... Are you alright? They took my daughter. +They took my daughter. I know. +I know. I couldn't get to her. It all happened so fast. Logan had her, and I saw him fall...then Peter told me to run. And then he...and I remember so clearly, thinking it's me they want. If I run, maybe they'll come after me. Maybe they won't think about her... So I ran... +Your daughter's the only leverage they have to keep you quiet. Can you help me get her back? +Can you help me get her back? Look, I'd really like to... +If I give myself up in exchange for Sophy, would you make sure she's okay? We're not going that route. Sonrisa's not someone you make deals with. +We're not going that route. Sonrisa's not someone you make deals with. What else can we do? +What else can we do? Like I said-- This isn't my regular line of work so I'm making it up as I go. +Look, we gotta keep the momentum up here, not give her a chance to think. If she hears her kid's voice... Hello... +Hello... Hang on, Lauren. We're conferencing in Sophy. +Goodnight Bears. Goodnight chairs. Goodnight kittens. Goodnight mittens. Goodnight clocks. And goodnight socks. Goodnight little house. And goodnight-- I don't want to move away. +I don't want to move away. I know, Honey, but just think how exiting it will be-- new house, new school, new friends-- +I know, Honey, but just think how exiting it will be-- new house, new school, new friends-- But why can't we stay here? +But why can't we stay here? Because we can't. There's nothing here for us anymore. +Because we can't. There's nothing here for us anymore. Are we in some kind of trouble? +Are we in some kind of trouble? No... +No... Then how come last night I heard you talking to Logan and you were crying? +What makes you cry? If I'm sad, or tired, or sometimes when I'm angry or when somebody's being mean to me. +If I'm sad, or tired, or sometimes when I'm angry or when somebody's being mean to me. Pretty much the same reasons I was crying. But things will be better when we move to a new place. +Pretty much the same reasons I was crying. But things will be better when we move to a new place. Then I'm gonna do what you do to make me feel better when I'm sad. +Sophy? Are you okay? Mommy, where are you? +Mommy, where are you? Don't worry, I'm coming to get you. +Don't worry, I'm coming to get you. When? +When? Soon, baby. +Soon, baby. Mommy, I'm scared. +Mommy, I'm scared. There's nothing to be afraid of. Everything's going to be alright. +You're a thief? Girl's gotta make a living. +Girl's gotta make a living. Thank God. +Thank God. First time I ever heard that. +First time I ever heard that. I was expecting someone else. +I was expecting someone else. Guess it wasn't the pizza delivery guy. +Guess it wasn't the pizza delivery guy. You're lucky. I almost pulled the trigger. +I'm sorry if I caught you at a bad time. We're just a little tense right now... It's okay. +You have good taste. French, 1920's, attributed to Chitarus. Whoever that is. +Whoever that is. So, what, you liked it because it was shiny? +So, what, you liked it because it was shiny? No, because it's the Egyptian goddess Bast. +No, because it's the Egyptian goddess Bast. Who is... +Who is... The goddess who comprehends all goddesses, eye of Ra, protector, avenger, and destroyer, giver of life, who lives forever... I could keep going. +So this guy walks into a bar and says... We didn't get a chance to finish our conversation the other night. +Original Cindy, say hi to my good friend-- Logan Cale. +Sorry about your window. Can we go somewhere and talk? +Lemme get my coat. The one you're wearing? +How'd you find me? Wasn't that hard. +Wasn't that hard. Am I s'posed to be flattered by all the attention? +Am I s'posed to be flattered by all the attention? Now you know who I am, where I live. I figured I better find out who I'm dealing with in case you were looking to hurt me. +Now you know who I am, where I live. I figured I better find out who I'm dealing with in case you were looking to hurt me. So now you tracked me down. What d'ya think? +So now you tracked me down. What d'ya think? Too early to tell. +Too early to tell. How does Mrs. Eyes Only like being married to a guy on everybody's hit list? +How does Mrs. Eyes Only like being married to a guy on everybody's hit list? Lauren's not my wife. +Lauren's not my wife. Girlfriend? +Girlfriend? One of my sources. Her husband was murdered by Edgar Sonrisa. +One of my sources. Her husband was murdered by Edgar Sonrisa. What's your shot in all this? Being a famous, anonymous, underground, pirate, cyber-journalist can't be much of a payday. +What's your shot in all this? Being a famous, anonymous, underground, pirate, cyber-journalist can't be much of a payday. Fortunately, my needs are met in that department. +Fortunately, my needs are met in that department. So, what, you just like the sound of your own voice? +So, what, you just like the sound of your own voice? Look around at all this... Built by people who got up every morning and worked hard trying to make a better life. Then the bomb happened and everyone got scared. They blinked and before they knew it they'd given away the store to a bunch of thugs who were happy to take it off their hands. Overnight the government, the police, everything intended to protect the people had been turned against them. +Look around at all this... Built by people who got up every morning and worked hard trying to make a better life. Then the bomb happened and everyone got scared. They blinked and before they knew it they'd given away the store to a bunch of thugs who were happy to take it off their hands. Overnight the government, the police, everything intended to protect the people had been turned against them. You miss the good ol' days. Even though there were still poor people who died from diseases when they didn't have to. And rich people spent obscene amounts of money redecorating their houses to match the cat. Those good ol' days? +You miss the good ol' days. Even though there were still poor people who died from diseases when they didn't have to. And rich people spent obscene amounts of money redecorating their houses to match the cat. Those good ol' days? People had a choice, even if they took it for granted. And now they don't. +People had a choice, even if they took it for granted. And now they don't. So what are you gonna do about it? +So what are you gonna do about it? Something. +Something. Personally, I'm more interested in going fast on my motorcycle or climbing the Trans American building with my pals. Instead of giving myself a headache over stuff I can't do anything about. +Personally, I'm more interested in going fast on my motorcycle or climbing the Trans American building with my pals. Instead of giving myself a headache over stuff I can't do anything about. You accept the way things are, you're an active participant in making it worse. +You accept the way things are, you're an active participant in making it worse. Is the social studies class over for today? +Is the social studies class over for today? Yeah... +Ever notice how cats always seem to turn up around dinner time? I won't be staying. +I won't be staying. I'm not a half bad cook. +Like following me around and pestering the people I work with wasn't bad enough, but breaking into my apartment-- It was open. +It was open. You got a lotta nerve. +You got a lotta nerve. Me? You're the one who tried to rip off this piece. +Me? You're the one who tried to rip off this piece. Completely different situation. I steal things in order to sell them. For money. It's called commerce. But some stranger sneaking into a girl's bedroom is...bent. +Completely different situation. I steal things in order to sell them. For money. It's called commerce. But some stranger sneaking into a girl's bedroom is...bent. Bent? +Bent? Bent. +Bent. You make it sound I pawed through your priceless collection of underwear. +You make it sound I pawed through your priceless collection of underwear. How do I know you didn't? +How do I know you didn't? So saw my hands off, I left you a present. +So saw my hands off, I left you a present. Am I s'posed to be grateful? +Am I s'posed to be grateful? That would be appropriate, yes. +That would be appropriate, yes. How'm I s'posed to ever sleep there again knowing some pervo's probably touched everything I own? +How'm I s'posed to ever sleep there again knowing some pervo's probably touched everything I own? You're that nervous, you're welcome to stay here. +Whoa there, Tex! We've been through all this. It's alright, Peter, we're fine. +It's alright, Peter, we're fine. We are not fine. +Look, if I made you nervous or uncomfortable or creeped you out-- Yes on all counts. +Yes on all counts. I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention. But I had to see you. +I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention. But I had to see you. You'd think a guy who's taken on the job of saving the world would have a few more important things to do than traipse around after some girl. +You'd think a guy who's taken on the job of saving the world would have a few more important things to do than traipse around after some girl. I haven't been able to get you off my mind. +I haven't been able to get you off my mind. You need to get out more. +You need to get out more. C'mere, I want to show you something. +Gold leaf, art nouveau, French, early nineteen hundreds... I could probably fence this for three or four grand. No, I meant this. +Expensive gifts, surprise late-night visits, over-the-top flattery... You always come on this strong? Only when I meet someone I have to know everything about. +Suppose I could help you locate the other ones. The other ones? +The other ones? The other one like you... +The other one like you... You lost me. +You lost me. C'mon, Max. First I watch you dive headfirst out the window fifteen stories up like you're Rocky the flying squirrel. Then, I found this in your apartment. +L-Triptophane...a neurotransmitter sometimes used in homeopathy to control seizures. Then the lightbulb went off. You did go through my stuff. +I don't know what kind of game you're playing here but I'm out because you are a whack-job. He was working on something called Project Manticore, which was using recombinant DNA to produce a superior human...a warrior...an advanced infantry soldier. +He was working on something called Project Manticore, which was using recombinant DNA to produce a superior human...a warrior...an advanced infantry soldier. Not that I don't enjoy a good urban legend now and then but what does any of this have to do with me? +Not that I don't enjoy a good urban legend now and then but what does any of this have to do with me? The bar code on your neck, Max. I know who you are and I know who you're running from. +We got separated right away. I never knew how many made it. How well do you remember the lab? +How well do you remember the lab? I remember fine. I just didn't understand what was going on. They never told us anything except what to do. It took me a long time afterwards to figure things out. +I remember fine. I just didn't understand what was going on. They never told us anything except what to do. It took me a long time afterwards to figure things out. How much do you know? +How much do you know? I know they made me. Even got the label on my neck to prove it. +I know they made me. Even got the label on my neck to prove it. "The technical term for you is ""chimera""..." +"The technical term for you is ""chimera""..." Yeah...a made-up creature. Like in mythology...with the head of a lion, the body of a goat and the tail of... +Yeah...a made-up creature. Like in mythology...with the head of a lion, the body of a goat and the tail of... A girl. +A girl. Your basic hodge-podge. +Your basic hodge-podge. Hardly... +Christmas is a snap when you got no parents or relatives, just a bunch of gene sequences from probably twenty different people. Like extra virgin olive oil, the best of the best. +Like extra virgin olive oil, the best of the best. You said you could help. +You said you could help. I need to find this technician, or anyone else who knows about Project Manticore. They would've used surrogate mothers to carry you after the in-vitro work... If I can track down one of them. +I need to find this technician, or anyone else who knows about Project Manticore. They would've used surrogate mothers to carry you after the in-vitro work... If I can track down one of them. What's in it for you? +What's in it for you? Your help. +Your help. I already don't like the sound of this. +I already don't like the sound of this. The woman you met, Lauren. She supervised workers removing cortodiazapine from gel caps by hand and replacing it with powdered sugar. The real drug was shipped out of the country. The placebos were distributed to County VA Hospital and six veterans' clinics in the area. +The woman you met, Lauren. She supervised workers removing cortodiazapine from gel caps by hand and replacing it with powdered sugar. The real drug was shipped out of the country. The placebos were distributed to County VA Hospital and six veterans' clinics in the area. That's low, but this effects me how exactly? +That's low, but this effects me how exactly? She's prepared to testify that she was instructed to do this by one of Edgar Sonrisa's managers. You know who Sonrisa is? +She's prepared to testify that she was instructed to do this by one of Edgar Sonrisa's managers. You know who Sonrisa is? Yeah, I catch your hacks. He's Satan's lap dog, or something. +Yeah, I catch your hacks. He's Satan's lap dog, or something. So, you know the lengths he'll go to keep her from going public... I'm turning Lauren over to Canadian law enforcement tomorrow. They'll put her in witness protection, but if you're with her the risk of her safety goes way down. +So, you know the lengths he'll go to keep her from going public... I'm turning Lauren over to Canadian law enforcement tomorrow. They'll put her in witness protection, but if you're with her the risk of her safety goes way down. I didn't make it this far by attracting a lot of attention. +I didn't make it this far by attracting a lot of attention. She's put her life on the line, and her faith in me. +She's put her life on the line, and her faith in me. They want me...bad. Or at least they don't want me grabbed up by the Chinese or whoever. Best case, I wind up back in that facility. More likely, it's a long drive out in the country, if you know what I mean. +They've lost track of me and I plan to keep it that way. You're a soldier, Max. That's what you were put here for. But soldiers need a mission otherwise they tear themselves up. +You're a soldier, Max. That's what you were put here for. But soldiers need a mission otherwise they tear themselves up. That's deep. But before you lecture me about the meaning of life maybe you oughta get one...ta ta. +See you're back and still rocking the boat. Somebody's got to. +I would've come sooner, but...I didn't... How're you doin'? Not in any pain...the good and bad news of a blown out spinal cord. +Not in any pain...the good and bad news of a blown out spinal cord. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. My mother used to say the universe is right on schedule. Everything happens like it's supposed to. +My mother used to say the universe is right on schedule. Everything happens like it's supposed to. You believe that? +You believe that? I've never been much for trying to understand why bad things happen, I just know they do. So the job's to figure out how to deal with the consequences. Which you did... You took that sonuvabitch out. +I've never been much for trying to understand why bad things happen, I just know they do. So the job's to figure out how to deal with the consequences. Which you did... You took that sonuvabitch out. Well, not me personally. +Well, not me personally. On accounta you, Sonrisa didn't get to buy off the jury, or kill the judge. He's gone. Once and for all. It was war, Max, and you won. +On accounta you, Sonrisa didn't get to buy off the jury, or kill the judge. He's gone. Once and for all. It was war, Max, and you won. That's what soldiers do, right? +What's this? Open it. +It turned up on the black market. One of my sources thought I might be interested. I don't know what to say. +I don't know what to say. Deeds, not words. I need your help. +Forty-seven people drowned last night off the coast of Vancouver after paying smugglers twenty thousand apiece to get into Canada so they could get work in order to eat. Only they got marched overboard at gunpoint instead. Look, thank you for this but-- +These girls, kidnapped during the last month and sold overseas to the highest bidder. The oldest is twelve. The youngest about the same age you were when you escaped. And I feel real bad about all that but it doesn't mean I need to get involved. +And I feel real bad about all that but it doesn't mean I need to get involved. You are involved. By being alive you're involved. +You are involved. By being alive you're involved. We're quoting Mom again. +We're quoting Mom again. Maybe we got screwed outta living in a time when we could sit in a cafe, sipping our lattes wearing two thousand dollar wrist watches while we plan our next vacation. But the world got a whole lot meaner all of a sudden. Wasn't s'posed to, but it did. And it's back to the law of the jungle. You got your predators and you got your victims. +Maybe we got screwed outta living in a time when we could sit in a cafe, sipping our lattes wearing two thousand dollar wrist watches while we plan our next vacation. But the world got a whole lot meaner all of a sudden. Wasn't s'posed to, but it did. And it's back to the law of the jungle. You got your predators and you got your victims. And you still think you can do something to change that. +And you still think you can do something to change that. With your help. +With your help. Civilization as we know it is unraveling before our eyes. But Logan and Max, with a song in their hearts are gonna march into battle to keep that from happening. +Civilization as we know it is unraveling before our eyes. But Logan and Max, with a song in their hearts are gonna march into battle to keep that from happening. And whether you want to believe it or not, you already fired the first shot. On another matter, Federal Corrections used to keep records on distinguishing marks-- scars, tattoos. I did a search and came up with this. +That was taken nine years ago... I.D.'d as Michael Hanover. Sentenced to 18 months in the state penn at Rawlins, Wyoming for armed robbery. He escaped from custody after 4 days. Hasn't been seen or heard from since. Zack... He made it... He's alive... +I'm looking for a lady who works here. Ladies would be elsewhere. +Know where I can find her? You don't want to. +You don't want to. But she does work here? +But she does work here? She may be easy on the eyes but she's trouble, trust me. Hot run to two-oh-two Sansomme. +She may be easy on the eyes but she's trouble, trust me. Hot run to two-oh-two Sansomme. I need to talk to her. +I need to talk to her. Can't help you. +Max something. I got no clue where she stays. Any idea when she'll be back? +Any idea when she'll be back? None. +None. I'll wait. +Who is it? A friend of your fiance's. +A friend of your fiance's. What do you want? +What do you want? To set the record straight about where he was the other night when he said he was working late. +Who are you? My name's Lydia. And it seems you and I have a lot in common. +My name's Lydia. And it seems you and I have a lot in common. You said you knew where my fiance was the other night. +You said you knew where my fiance was the other night. With me, where he's been after work, three, sometimes four nights a week for the last two months... We have what you might call an intimate relationship. +With me, where he's been after work, three, sometimes four nights a week for the last two months... We have what you might call an intimate relationship. How do I know you're telling the truth? +How do I know you're telling the truth? He been sleeping in a T-shirt lately? That's so you won't see the fingernail marks on his back. Bet you didn't know your boyfriend finds a little pain exciting. He didn't either...at first. +He been sleeping in a T-shirt lately? That's so you won't see the fingernail marks on his back. Bet you didn't know your boyfriend finds a little pain exciting. He didn't either...at first. Look, I don't know what you want-- +Look, I don't know what you want-- I thought it was important for you to know the facts. +I thought it was important for you to know the facts. And so should you. Sketchy told me I could expect a visit from you. I know all about how you threatened him. That if he didn't break it off with me, you'd save him the trouble. +And so should you. Sketchy told me I could expect a visit from you. I know all about how you threatened him. That if he didn't break it off with me, you'd save him the trouble. Oh? +Oh? Well, it's over between you and him. We're getting married next month. +Well, it's over between you and him. We're getting married next month. How sweet. Standing by your man, even after what he did. You're a very understanding person. +How sweet. Standing by your man, even after what he did. You're a very understanding person. Big part of loving someone's being able to forgive them. +Big part of loving someone's being able to forgive them. You're also a fool. +You're also a fool. I think you should go now. +I think you should go now. Not before we get something straight you prissy little bitch. I decide when I'm done with your boyfriend. Not him, and certainly not you. Unless maybe you want to find out just how sharp these nails really are. +This is not a place you wanna go. Let go of my hand. +Help... Lemme go... No, don't let me go... Help... Now, here's how it's gonna be, Lydia. You're gonna take your threats and your acrylic nails, and you're gonna go home and figure out your marriage, instead of trying to make other people feel as miserable as you do, understand? +Now, here's how it's gonna be, Lydia. You're gonna take your threats and your acrylic nails, and you're gonna go home and figure out your marriage, instead of trying to make other people feel as miserable as you do, understand? Okay, okay. +"Say the words, ""I understand.""" I understand. +I understand. And if I ever catch you coming near my man again... +I asked you to keep that thing outside. You did. +You did. You drive away business roarin' in like that. +You drive away business roarin' in like that. Yeah, does kinda break the elegant atmosphere you got goin' on here. +Yeah, does kinda break the elegant atmosphere you got goin' on here. You got a punk-ass mouth on you, kid. +You got a punk-ass mouth on you, kid. My name's not kid. It's client. As in the person who pays for your opulent lifestyle. Now, you got something for me or not? +My name's not kid. It's client. As in the person who pays for your opulent lifestyle. Now, you got something for me or not? Right here someplace. +I got a hit on the car. An oh-five Tahoe, blue, with Wyoming tags... AGT349... It wasn't easy 'cause you were off in one of the numbers. Sorry, I was seven at the time. +Who's this guy? This isn't who we're looking for...her name was Hannah. He got the car in a trade for his old pick-up and some food...no bill of sale or nothing. It was right after the pulse so all the DMV records were wiped. So we don't get anything on the seller. Except I actually managed to find this guy, six hours on the phone... Say thank you. +He got the car in a trade for his old pick-up and some food...no bill of sale or nothing. It was right after the pulse so all the DMV records were wiped. So we don't get anything on the seller. Except I actually managed to find this guy, six hours on the phone... Say thank you. Thank you. +Thank you. He says he got it from a woman. Doesn't remember her name but she fits the description you gave like a glove. +Guy says he made the trade in Gillette, Wyoming sometime in the fall of oh-nine. Then what? +Then what? Then what? That's it. That's all I got. +Then what? That's it. That's all I got. Nothing on Hannah? +Nothing on Hannah? A nuclear airburst wipes out every record of every kind in every computer east of the Rockies, and you want me to find some woman you met when you were seven, whose last name you don't even know... Maybe if you could give me something more on her...anything you can remember, some detail... +She was a nurse. She must've lived near there, somewhere, near the... ...the clinic. There must be some registry of nurses or medical technicians or whatever for Wyoming. Only a last name would be nice. Or the nearest town to this...clinic. +What about the other kids? You get anything on them? They don't exactly have a search engine for finding a bunch of kids with bar- codes on their necks, which is something I'm not even going to ask about-- +They don't exactly have a search engine for finding a bunch of kids with bar- codes on their necks, which is something I'm not even going to ask about-- You were gonna run through the law enforcement databases for a match on identifying marks. +You were gonna run through the law enforcement databases for a match on identifying marks. Nothing so far from arrests, hospital admissions or coroners. This kind of search...it's heavy spadework. I'm gonna need-- +Nothing so far from arrests, hospital admissions or coroners. This kind of search...it's heavy spadework. I'm gonna need-- More money... Like I'm shocked to hear you say that. +As long as you're okay. I'll live... Regarding your case...I'm afraid I've come up with some bad news on your fiance. Lemme get the file. +I don't know what your story is and I don't want to. Here's your money. +Whoever tossed this place wants you. And I'm looking to stay outta the line of fire. How's this about me? +How's this about me? They lifted my wallet to make it look like a robbery. But there's a bug in my computer keyboard, a tap on the phone and a mike in the light fixture. +They lifted my wallet to make it look like a robbery. But there's a bug in my computer keyboard, a tap on the phone and a mike in the light fixture. Like you said, maybe somebody's tracking one of your investigations. +Like you said, maybe somebody's tracking one of your investigations. Hardware's too sophisticated. It's gotta be the government. And why do I think they're looking for you? +Hardware's too sophisticated. It's gotta be the government. And why do I think they're looking for you? You're crazy. +You're crazy. I'm you, I take that money and get outta town while you can. +Your fiance has four previous wives. His M.O. is to clean 'em out and take off. Which is what you oughta do. Bastard... +I'm sorry I couldn't come up with something more positive. You and me both. +I need a favor... I need you to trace a number for me. Sure you wanna be havin' this conversation over the phone? +Sure you wanna be havin' this conversation over the phone? Just do it... Five-seven-five-oh- eight... +Zero... C'mon, Dan I don't have all day. Got a pencil? +Got a pencil? Just give it to me. I'll remember. +Just give it to me. I'll remember. One-seven-four-nine-five Natoma. +One-seven-four-nine-five Natoma. I'm on my way. +Morning, Sunshine... Caught some son-of-a-bitch stealing my bike. Used a car jack to blow out my U lock and bent a bunch of spokes. So now I gotta get my wheels fixed. +Caught some son-of-a-bitch stealing my bike. Used a car jack to blow out my U lock and bent a bunch of spokes. So now I gotta get my wheels fixed. At least he didn't swing with your ride. +At least he didn't swing with your ride. No, but I broke a nail giving him a cranium crack and that just sort of wrecks your day, know what I'm saying? +Now, why can't I find a girlfriend like that? Brings him lunch everyday, thoughtful, sweet, legs from here to there-- Straight. +Straight. Shame, wastin' a girl like that on a guy, but what're you gonna do? +Craps all over everything and everyone and then wants mommy to forgive him. What guys do. 'Nother order. +What guys do. 'Nother order. You're way more philosophical than I could ever be. +You're way more philosophical than I could ever be. I just don't go in with any expectations. +That's odd... What? +Tell me the truth. Am I a female fog bank? You're not seriously buying into Darren's nonsense. +You're not seriously buying into Darren's nonsense. No. +No. He was just trying to blame you 'cause he's a slut. +He was just trying to blame you 'cause he's a slut. Yeah. +Yeah. Hell yeah. There's not the slightest grain of truth in anything that idiot was saying. You are a totally down-ass female and a straight-up friend who happens to be a little... +Hell yeah. There's not the slightest grain of truth in anything that idiot was saying. You are a totally down-ass female and a straight-up friend who happens to be a little... A little what? +A little what? You know what I'm saying. +You know what I'm saying. If I knew what you were saying, I wouldn't be asking. +If I knew what you were saying, I wouldn't be asking. How long you and me known each other? +How long you and me known each other? A long time. +A long time. Long enough for you to pretty much read me like a book, right? +Long enough for you to pretty much read me like a book, right? Because you're probably my closest friend in the whole world. +Because you're probably my closest friend in the whole world. And back at ya. Only there's a part of you that's... I don't know-- +And back at ya. Only there's a part of you that's... I don't know-- A fog bank. +A fog bank. More like a mystery... Which isn't bad. It's just kinduv...mysterious... +Gotta go. Where? +Where? It's a secret. +You're actually gonna bail Sketchy out. Yeah, 'cause maybe he's learned his lesson. +Yeah, 'cause maybe he's learned his lesson. Unlikely. +Unlikely. And because he's my friend. +And because he's my friend. Friends don't help other friends cheat. +Friends don't help other friends cheat. And because I actually kinda feel sorry for guys sometimes. +And because I actually kinda feel sorry for guys sometimes. Please... +Please... They're prisoners to their genes. +They're prisoners to their genes. So are dogs. +So are dogs. They don't have a lot of moving parts. +They don't have a lot of moving parts. Only one I can think of. +Only one I can think of. Besides, think of the drama I'm sparing Natalie. +Besides, think of the drama I'm sparing Natalie. I say hang the bastard out to dry, let her see him for the heel he is, then maybe she'll step to the all-girl team and let mama-licious ease her pain. +I say hang the bastard out to dry, let her see him for the heel he is, then maybe she'll step to the all-girl team and let mama-licious ease her pain. But, of course, there's nothing self- serving in that scenario. +Yeah, I can see to it your winning streak continues. I'll bet you can. Sit. +Not right now. Not right now? Okay, when? +Not right now? Okay, when? Right after you change your wardrobe, your personality and drop about thirty pounds. +Right after you change your wardrobe, your personality and drop about thirty pounds. Quite a mouth on a girl so young... ...but my guess is talking is not what it does best. +Quite a mouth on a girl so young... ...but my guess is talking is not what it does best. Only way you're ever gonna find out is reincarnation... Fact is, you are gonna pay me, and I am gonna provide you with a service. +Only way you're ever gonna find out is reincarnation... Fact is, you are gonna pay me, and I am gonna provide you with a service. I actually know how this works. +I actually know how this works. You're gonna pay me fifty thousand dollars... +Who are you? What, you gonna put me on your Christmas card list? +Look, you're a player... I'm bringing you this on a plate, and my fee is just the normal cost of doing business. Pull the cash. +So, how do you get the woman to come to me? I told her it's just business to you, that all you want is a reasonable solution to this. You give her daughter back, she agrees to leave the country. I play the guarantor, drive her down to Mexico tonight, and put her on a train to Brazil or wherever. +I told her it's just business to you, that all you want is a reasonable solution to this. You give her daughter back, she agrees to leave the country. I play the guarantor, drive her down to Mexico tonight, and put her on a train to Brazil or wherever. And she bought that? +And she bought that? I have sincere eyes. +Make the call. She's gonna need to know that her little girl's alright. +She's gonna need to know that her little girl's alright. She's got my word. +She's got my word. She's gonna want to hear for herself. +Can you put that in a bag or something? You get it when I get her. +You get it when I get her. Okay...idea. Compromise, right? Bruno here comes with me. He holds the money until mommy shows up, then we close escrow. What you do with her after I'm gone doesn't keep me awake nights. +It's payday, need me to pick up your check? You're the best, Maxie. +Playing hooky again? Feel like the dog's dinner. +Feel like the dog's dinner. Probably a touch of what's going around. +Probably a touch of what's going around. I know what I got, Max. They put me back on that drug they're giving the other vets. Only the guy does those cable hacks says the stuff's no good. +Don't believe everything you hear on TV. What if he's on the level? +What if he's on the level? Here's the dealio on Eyes Only. He's probably some wack rich dude sitting around in a trick-ass apartment, bored stupid. So he gets off on scarin' the poop outta folks like you-- I gotta go. +Here's the dealio on Eyes Only. He's probably some wack rich dude sitting around in a trick-ass apartment, bored stupid. So he gets off on scarin' the poop outta folks like you-- I gotta go. Tell everybody hey. +Tell everybody hey. You can tell 'em yourself tomorrow. +Catch you back at the wall. Later. +Quitting time. Grab a cold one? I gotta meet Natalie for dinner. +I gotta meet Natalie for dinner. Right, the big one-oh. +Right, the big one-oh. But I'll take a rain check... +Hey, Sketchy-- We gotta talk. +We gotta talk. What's up? +You blew off your girlfriend last night, even though it was the big one-oh. I'd be pissed off too if I was her. Not half as pissed as she's gonna be when she finds out why I blew her off... I need your help, Max. +I don't see how you cheating on Natalie involves me. I know what you're thinking. But the truth is, this other person is not someone I'm in love with. As a matter of fact, after what she just did, she's not even someone I like much. So in a technical sense, I'm not sure you could call me and her cheating...officially. +I know what you're thinking. But the truth is, this other person is not someone I'm in love with. As a matter of fact, after what she just did, she's not even someone I like much. So in a technical sense, I'm not sure you could call me and her cheating...officially. Do guys actually believe their lame, self- serving excuses? +Do guys actually believe their lame, self- serving excuses? Max-- +Max-- Or do you think we're just so grateful to have one of you idiots we'll look the other way, which is arrogant and condescending. +Or do you think we're just so grateful to have one of you idiots we'll look the other way, which is arrogant and condescending. Lame, self-serving, arrogant...guilty as charged. +Lame, self-serving, arrogant...guilty as charged. You left out condescending. +You left out condescending. But there's another side-- +But there's another side-- Here it comes. The part where the guy turns everything around. +Here it comes. The part where the guy turns everything around. I'm the victim here. +I'm the victim here. Really? +Really? Hear me out. This person I've been seeing is a Jam Pony client who happens to be married-- +Hear me out. This person I've been seeing is a Jam Pony client who happens to be married-- And you were a sympathetic ear. +And you were a sympathetic ear. Exactly. +Exactly. Then a sympathetic mouth, then a sympathetic-- +Then a sympathetic mouth, then a sympathetic-- She had me followed the other day and found out about Natalie. Now, this person's demanding I blow her off or she'll do it for me by telling Nat about us. +She had me followed the other day and found out about Natalie. Now, this person's demanding I blow her off or she'll do it for me by telling Nat about us. Does this person have a name? +Does this person have a name? Lydia. +Lydia. And Lydia telling Natalie the truth makes you a victim in what way? +And Lydia telling Natalie the truth makes you a victim in what way? I'm a toy to her. +I'm a toy to her. A toy? +A toy? She's as much as said so. But she doesn't want to share her toy with anyone else... It's just an ego thing with her. +She's as much as said so. But she doesn't want to share her toy with anyone else... It's just an ego thing with her. Fight fire with fire. Threaten to go to her husband. +Fight fire with fire. Threaten to go to her husband. Who either doesn't care, or could have me killed. Either way, Natalie's still gonna find out. +Who either doesn't care, or could have me killed. Either way, Natalie's still gonna find out. What happens if you level with her? +What happens if you level with her? Even if she doesn't dump me, which is unlikely, she'd never be able to trust me again. +Even if she doesn't dump me, which is unlikely, she'd never be able to trust me again. And why should she? +And why should she? Look Max, I made a terrible mistake. One I'll never, ever make again. Natalie and I are soulmates. I know that now. She's the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I guess it took the thought of losing her for me to understand that. +So you're straight on how this is gonna go down. You set up on Lydia. When she's on her way over to the apartment you give me the heads up. I answer the door and pretend to be Natalie. +You set up on Lydia. When she's on her way over to the apartment you give me the heads up. I answer the door and pretend to be Natalie. She tells you how I've been-- +She tells you how I've been-- --a philandering pig. +--a philandering pig. But you explain that you're a compassionate and understanding person who can find it in your heart to forgive me. +But you explain that you're a compassionate and understanding person who can find it in your heart to forgive me. Or, I dissolve into an angry, hysterical wreck who never wants to see your lying ass again, which is probably what would really happen. +Or, I dissolve into an angry, hysterical wreck who never wants to see your lying ass again, which is probably what would really happen. I just don't want Natalie to ever find out. She deserves better. +I just don't want Natalie to ever find out. She deserves better. How'd you get her out of town? +How'd you get her out of town? Convinced her she needed to visit her mom in San Mateo. +Convinced her she needed to visit her mom in San Mateo. And we're sure Lydia's gonna make her move? +And we're sure Lydia's gonna make her move? She came by the apartment once already. Fortunately, I'd disconnected the doorbell as a precaution... Lydia's not gonna back off until she gets her pound of flesh. +She came by the apartment once already. Fortunately, I'd disconnected the doorbell as a precaution... Lydia's not gonna back off until she gets her pound of flesh. I'll give it my best shot. +I'll give it my best shot. Max, what did I do to deserve a friend like you? +Max, what did I do to deserve a friend like you? You don't. +You rock, Max. You... Rock... Easy Sketchy. +Easy Sketchy. No, I'm serious. That psycho got exactly what she deserved... Yes. +No, I'm serious. That psycho got exactly what she deserved... Yes. Lydia may not have been one of humanity's finer specimens but-- +Lydia may not have been one of humanity's finer specimens but-- She's toxic...monster in bed, but toxic. +She's toxic...monster in bed, but toxic. You would be making a mistake to come away from this thinking she's the villain in the piece... You are. +You would be making a mistake to come away from this thinking she's the villain in the piece... You are. She was the one-- +She was the one-- None of this would've happened if you had exercised even a smidgen of good judgement or self-restraint, which you didn't. +None of this would've happened if you had exercised even a smidgen of good judgement or self-restraint, which you didn't. True, but-- +True, but-- You were trying to have it both ways and you were being completely selfish. And if I ever find out you're going out the back door on Natalie again, you're the one who's gonna be hanging by your ankles three stories up. Understand? +You were trying to have it both ways and you were being completely selfish. And if I ever find out you're going out the back door on Natalie again, you're the one who's gonna be hanging by your ankles three stories up. Understand? Okay, okay, okay-- +Okay, okay, okay-- "Say the words, ""I understand.""" +That was extreme! Did you see that one guy-- Shut-up... +This is a hot run. Beat it. You're late. I was on call. +I was on call. I want you on call here. +I want you on call here. What's the difference if I'm on call here or deployed in the field. +What's the difference if I'm on call here or deployed in the field. More like deployed in bed asleep. +More like deployed in bed asleep. I don't sleep... Theo asked me to pick up his check. +I don't sleep... Theo asked me to pick up his check. And Theo can't pick up his own check because?... +And Theo can't pick up his own check because?... He's sick. +He's sick. For a change. +For a change. How 'bout you don't break my sneakers on this. The guy is seriously not well. +You tell Theo he's not in tomorrow he can start looking for another job. I don't know how to break this to you, Normal, we're all looking for another job. +Fourteen-thirteen Market. Get a signature, then take it to this address... By the way, that guy who was in here sniffing after you yesterday called twice already. Tell him I took the day off 'cause I wasn't feeling so hot. +What about this? I'm taking the rest of the day off 'cause I'm not feeling so hot. +Hot run to 842 Beulah, corner of Haight... And you can tell your pal Theo he just got his worthless ass fired. Not that he cares but the wife and kid might. Theo's dead. +Thanks, miss. You're too kind. I'm Amanda. +You're too kind. I'm Amanda. Right, well, thanks for the drinks and stuff, Amanda, but there's no reason for me to stick around these parts anymore. +Right, well, thanks for the drinks and stuff, Amanda, but there's no reason for me to stick around these parts anymore. Don't be so glum, Hawk. The night's still young and filled with plenty of compensatory possibilities. +Don't be so glum, Hawk. The night's still young and filled with plenty of compensatory possibilities. Huh? +Huh? I'd be in a position to spend some money on you if you'd get in a position and spend some time on me. +What the hell is that? Gin. +Gin. Whoa. Some of this hard liquor's a tad too manly for me. I'm a brewski man myself. +Whoa. Some of this hard liquor's a tad too manly for me. I'm a brewski man myself. Better ease up then, Hawk. Wouldn't want to give you whiskey dick would we? +Better ease up then, Hawk. Wouldn't want to give you whiskey dick would we? Who's Whiskey Dick? +Well. Obviously no one you have to worry about... Woody. My name's not Woody, it's Haw-haw... +Well, Amanda, this has been quite a night. So far you've seen me and my dick throw up. What's next? Projectile diarrhea? Man. What a stud, huh? Believe it or not, you still have a way to go before you start competing with my soon-to-be-ex-husband... the champion of lousy lovemaking. The man who thinks he's the biggest and the best... The man who thinks every secretary, stewardess, and cocktail waitress he fucks should lick his feet for the honor. The man for whom faking it was invented. Christ, if I hadn't gotten pregnant with our son, I would have never known I even had sex with the prick. +You love him? I just told you, he's a big, hairy... +I just told you, he's a big, hairy... No, I mean... you love your son? +No, I mean... you love your son? More than anything in the world. +More than anything in the world. And he loves you back, doesn't he? +And he loves you back, doesn't he? He's a little spoiled, but I know he does. +He's a little spoiled, but I know he does. Well, shame on him if he doesn't. +Amanda, as ironic as this is gonna sound, I can't take any money for... I'm no Midnight Cowboy, y'know. It would only cheapen the whole deal for me. I'm not paying you for the lovemaking, Hawk. I just want you to have whatever you needed the money for when you took me up on my offer. +You're a little scrawny, but thanks to the concert we're low on amateurs. Name? Hawk. +Hawk. Pick a song, Hawk. +Pick a song, Hawk. Got any KISS? +Got any KISS? You kidding? This is Detroit. Drink? +You kidding? This is Detroit. Drink? Yeah, a man's drink... +What's that? You mean you never seen a Jack Daniels on the rocks before? +Sure, I have. But not one with ice in it, that's all. Save your money, stud muffin. The lady at the end of the bar sends her love. +Whoa... she is a killer. Amanda Finch. Her ex is one of the wealthiest businessmen in Detroit. Play your cards right and you could hit paydirt. She like 'em young. And since you look a little new at this, let me give you three words of advice. Hard to get. Think it, act it, know it, be it. Nothing a woman loves more than when you beat her at her own head games. +Oh, Dicky, I c-c-can't... You're not gonna chicken out on me now, are you? We've got your KISS song playing and everything. +You're not gonna chicken out on me now, are you? We've got your KISS song playing and everything. I-I c-can't... +I-I c-can't... Look, people undress in public because, A, they're exhibitionists, B, they're nutcases, or C, they need the money. I can tell you're not A, and I hope to hell you're not B. So my suggestion is, think about why you're a C and let your body party, shake your groove thing, boogie oogie oogie till you just can't boogie no more. +No problem. Thanks. +Sorry. It's okay. +Jeremiah? Yeah? +Beth? I can't believe it. Believe it. +I didn't mean for that to be so... intense. Forgive me. I don't care. I wanna hear more. +I've loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you, Jeremiah. I've just always been too scared to show it. Beth, I can't believe you just said that because that's exactly how I've always felt about you... Call me Jam. It's my band name. +Beth, I can't believe you just said that because that's exactly how I've always felt about you... Call me Jam. It's my band name. You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear that... Jam! +We've got to take this slow... Right, slow... +Right, slow... Oh, screw it! +So. Is it true that Gene Simmons had a cow's tongue grafted onto his real one? Y'know, to make it so long? I dunno. I think he had the piece of skin under his tongue removed so he could stick it out farther. I'm not too up on Gene trivia. +I dunno. I think he had the piece of skin under his tongue removed so he could stick it out farther. I'm not too up on Gene trivia. Your man is the drummer, Peter Criss, right? +Your man is the drummer, Peter Criss, right? Peter Criss is my inspiration, man. If I paid a hundred bucks for a KISS show and all I saw was his solo, I'd consider it... money... Hey, how'd you know that? +Peter Criss is my inspiration, man. If I paid a hundred bucks for a KISS show and all I saw was his solo, I'd consider it... money... Hey, how'd you know that? I have all your notebook doodles memorized, Jam... Here. +Ann Arbor? My dad's company is relocating him. We're moving. That's why I was acting so freaky in school today. I thought it was the last time I'd ever see you. Anyway, open the box. I would have given it to you this morning, except... like I said, I was freaking out. +Ann Arbor isn't... that far from Cleveland, right? Nah. Once I get my own wheels, I could come up all the time. +Nah. Once I get my own wheels, I could come up all the time. That'd be great. Hey, maybe someday your band'll play there. It's a college town, you know? +I feel like such an idiot. Why didn't I just say something a year and a half ago? Man, think of how much time we wasted. Let's not think about the past. Let's just think about from today on. I'll never forget you, Jam. +Let's not think about the past. Let's just think about from today on. I'll never forget you, Jam. Tell me about it. Church will never be the same again. +Coming dad. I'll call you. Soon as we get a phone. Bye. Bye. +Oh, great. I just hitched a ride with a bunch of potheads... I'm hooking up with some people at this funky place in downtown Detroit called Disco Inferno. Mind droppin' me there? What's it worth to you? +What's it worth to you? What the hell is that supposed to mean? +So, are you, like, gonna polish our nobs, or what? What? That's disgusting! +Tease? What the hell did I do to tease you mongoloids? You got in the car, didn't you? +You got in the car, didn't you? Oh, God, how calculating of me to lead you all on like that after you offered me a ride in the middle of nowhere. +Oh, God, how calculating of me to lead you all on like that after you offered me a ride in the middle of nowhere. Whatever... stella. +What are you, high? Yeah. +Yeah. For once Lex is right. It's over. Things can't get any worse from here. +Wonder if you could smoke shit out of this? Maybe some tunage'll chase those blues away. +This is the best thing that ever happened to me at school! Not only are we on again for KISS in Detroit, but we're actually sitting right at the fifty yard line! I dare you dudes to find a curlier scenario. Stan Lee couldn't think of a better one. +Namely? "Our band ""Mystery"" is a quartet and we can't go on the road without our drummer. Jam's mom said something about sending him to St. Bernard's, right? We gotta bust him out before we go anywhere." +Well, the least we, his only buds in the world, can do is take him along with us tonight and give him one last curl before he starts serving his sentence. Just for the record, I understood the last part of what you said, but for a while there you guys were making no fucking sense whatsoever. +Just for the record, I understood the last part of what you said, but for a while there you guys were making no fucking sense whatsoever. I was just explaining to Lex here what you and I already know. Just had to make it a little more complicated so he'd understand. +I'm starvin' and it's way past lunchtime. Totally. All I've had for chow was a packet of Pop Rocks and a Yoo-hoo. +Let's stop in Sandusky, Hawk. What's in Sandusky? +What's in Sandusky? Pizza, and I been jones-in' for a pizza ever since we left St. Bernard's. +You call that John Travolta/Denny Terio shit dancing? I wouldn't dance like that in private if you paid me. Disco blows dogs for quarters. +What was that D.J.'s name again? Oh, I'll remember it till the day I die. His name was... Simpleton the Simian? No, Samson Samoan... No, simply, similar... +I have one question. How could a kid who wails on the drums like it's the only thing keeping him alive even think of such a femmy thing to say? Really, Jam, you tryin' to make us barf? +So maybe we got enough for one ticket. Fuck! Waitaminit, dudes! I got it! We find four really small kids, beat the shit outta them and steal their tickets. What do you think? +Waitaminit, dudes! I got it! We find four really small kids, beat the shit outta them and steal their tickets. What do you think? Brilliance, Trip. Sheer brilliance. Give Albert Einstein here the Nobel Prize. +...at twenty-thirty hours. One more time in English. +One more time in English. For the next hour and a half it's every dude for himself. Try to get at least one ticket and at 8:30 P.M. we'll meet over there. +Any luck? Plenty, but it was all bad. +Will somebody please tell those chicks disco is dead. Stellas. I hate stellas almost as much as I hate dogs. +Shit, that dork is Jam. YO, DOOFUS! +Yeah, she gives you shit and you take it. Okay, enough. Enough. Gimme the tickets. I wanna hold onto them. +Second floor girls' john! Two minutes! He'll never look there! Check! +That's Sherry VanHafton. I've been in love with her since the second grade. +Whoa... she just farted. I have never heard a girl squeeze cheese in my entire life. +I have never heard a girl squeeze cheese in my entire life. Weird... +Too bad we're stuck in electronics or... Never mind with the too bad shit. I got a crazy plan, but only the craziest among us can pull it off. +But... but, St. Bernard's is way the hell over in the next county! So? Your mom's car has a CB, radar detector and cruise control, check? +So? Your mom's car has a CB, radar detector and cruise control, check? We are not stealing my mom's car. +We are not stealing my mom's car. Damn straight we are. +Damn straight we are. Hawk, all I need is one ding on the Volvo and presto! There are my balls hanging from the rearview mirror after she gets back from Cincinnati. +Hawk, all I need is one ding on the Volvo and presto! There are my balls hanging from the rearview mirror after she gets back from Cincinnati. And when is she due back from that groinecologist's convention anyway? +And when is she due back from that groinecologist's convention anyway? Sunday, but... +Sunday, but... Then lighten up. She'll never know we touched it. Alright, here's the plan. We bus it to chez Lex, grab the Volvo, bail Jam the hell outta St. Bernard's and arrive at the train station precisely on time for the 2:45 to Detroit. +There's only so much trouble an individual can get into till it just doesn't matter anymore, Lex. You familiar with a condition known as Absolute Zero? The hypothetical temperature characterized by the absence of heat and even the slightest amount of molecular activity? Yeah, I'm vaguely familiar +The hypothetical temperature characterized by the absence of heat and even the slightest amount of molecular activity? Yeah, I'm vaguely familiar Well, Jam is in absolute trouble. He couldn't get any deeper into shit if he was a fly sitting in a horse's ass. You know as well as me he'd give his right arm just to see Peter Criss's drum solo, never mind a whole KISS concert, check? +Very funny, Hawk. Okay, I'm in on this hare-brained scheme, but if anything happens to my mom's car, I'm blaming you. I'll say you drugged me or something. Curly. +Ok, dudes, follow my lead. Wait a minute. We ditching the rest of school? +Now, how are we gonna do this? Gimme a second, dudes. Lemme think. +We got you a change of duds when we picked up the car. Next stop: the 2:45 to Detroit Rock City! +Jeezis, Hawk, can you at least keep it within twenty miles of the speed limit? Lex, am I gonna have to lock you in the trunk till we reach Detroit? Don't worry, these babies are built for speed. +What the fuck! The paint! +Uh... dudes? Now there's a woman who totally abuses the privilege of motherhood. +Now there's a woman who totally abuses the privilege of motherhood. DUDES! +Here's a suggestion. Let's stop worrying about the concert for the time being and get the cops in on this Volvo situation. Wake up, Lex. This is Detroit. The cops aren't gonna waste city dollars looking for a Swedish car. Face it, the Volvo's on a cutting board as we speak getting sliced, diced, and julienned by Christine, the chop shop gourmet. +Now listen up. Here's the game plan. ...I mean, my mom's got insurance. What's the worst thing she could do? Ground me for the entire year? I can handle that... +...I mean, my mom's got insurance. What's the worst thing she could do? Ground me for the entire year? I can handle that... Cool, bro, now listen up... +Cool, bro, now listen up... ...Holy shit! I am in absolute trouble! I never should have let you drive, man! Absolute fuckin' trouble! +...Holy shit! I am in absolute trouble! I never should have let you drive, man! Absolute fuckin' trouble! Okay, shut the fuck up, Lex! Now, then, step number one, we find us a scalper. I got... twenty-five. +I think we should try sneaking in. Four dudes sneaking in? We'd get busted fer sure. Bad plan. +Four dudes sneaking in? We'd get busted fer sure. Bad plan. "Okay, one of us sneaks in, gets four ticket stubs off some kids in the audience, comes back out, and we all ""re-enter"" the concerto. Voila!" +"Okay, one of us sneaks in, gets four ticket stubs off some kids in the audience, comes back out, and we all ""re-enter"" the concerto. Voila!" Still too risky for my money. We're running out of time here. This is KISS! A victory for one is a victory for the team. I'm sure I can barter with a scalper, but if you dudes think you got better plans, go for it. We'll reconvene at that intersection... +I found the Volvo. Tickets? +No... You don't think...? Nah. Couldn't be. +Do you realize the sheer, goddamn, unadulterated, undiluted, no holds barred, one hundred percent pure as Ivory Snow, absolutely friggin' STUPIDITY of what you just did? Hey, disco dude, it's cool... +Could be. And if it ain't cleaned off? +Are you gettin' wise with me? No, I'm dumber than a goddamn slug. Now can I please clean your windshield and leave without further ado? +Well, let's recap, shall we? You slapped all of us, yelled at me, used my head for a rag, threw me on the ground and tossed our LOVE GUN 8- track under the wheels of a passing semi. So, if the lesson was that you're a dick with ears and a really bad haircut, then, yes... I'd say we learned it. Excuse me, I'm a little deef-a- hearin'. Can you repeat yourself? +Excuse me, I'm a little deef-a- hearin'. Can you repeat yourself? Okay. Ahem! You. Are. A. Dick. With. Ears. And. A. Really. Bad. Haircut. +Okay. Ahem! You. Are. A. Dick. With. Ears. And. A. Really. Bad. Haircut. Oh, yeah...? +How would you like a nice Hawaiian Punch? Sure. +Dude, this is all I got. Sorry, man, no can do. But I'll be here for a while if you scare up the extra gravy. +Sorry, man, no can do. But I'll be here for a while if you scare up the extra gravy. Where the hell am I gonna scare up that kinda gravy in one hour? +Where the hell am I gonna scare up that kinda gravy in one hour? The easy way. +You look a little scrawny, but it's worth a shot. I can't just walk in and take my clothes off. It's embarrasskin. +I can't just walk in and take my clothes off. It's embarrasskin. Guess you don't want to see the greatest show on earth. And in Detroit no less. Well, take care, chief. +Dude, if it were dancing the way Fred Astaire did it, I'd give it my best shot. I'd learn the steps and practice in my spare time. But this... tribal, ritualistic bullshit, it's way-too-spontaneous for me. Yeah, you're probably too young anyhow. +Yeah, you're probably too young anyhow. Hey, I invented fake I.D.s, alright. That's not the problem... They're playing disco music in there, man. +Hey, I invented fake I.D.s, alright. That's not the problem... They're playing disco music in there, man. Chief, here's a little secret. Drink heavily, your feet will know what to do. Now shit or get off the pot. Do you wanna dance or do you wanna see KISS only on their album covers? +Jam, listen up. Hawk? +Hawk? Just listen up, man, cause we are in a quandary. +Are you on the crapper with one of those antenna phones? Sounds like you're taking a dump the size of Butte, Montana. It's my Bullworker. +It's my Bullworker. Anyway, listen up. They're gone! +Anyway, listen up. They're gone! What's gone? +What's gone? The KISS tickets, you nimrod! They're just fuckin' gone! Please tell me you have'm! +The KISS tickets, you nimrod! They're just fuckin' gone! Please tell me you have'm! Gone!? Why would I have the KISS tick...? +Gone!? Why would I have the KISS tick...? Just check whatever you were wearing last night. Now! +Cool. I'm really sorry about that, man. +I'm really sorry about that, man. Don't be a fembot. So, are you like grounded because of last night, or what? +Don't be a fembot. So, are you like grounded because of last night, or what? Of course, but has that ever stopped me before? Besides, my mom's going to some church meeting and won't be back till late. No sweat... See you guys in school. +They're still at my house in Trip's jacket. They're what? +They're what? She was standing right over me when I was changing for fuck's sake. +Don't worry about it. They're perfectly safe. We can pick them up after school. My mom won't be home. It's no problem. All right. After school we double- time it to your house for the tix before heading to the train station for the 2:45 to Detroit Rock City. +All right. After school we double- time it to your house for the tix before heading to the train station for the 2:45 to Detroit Rock City. Check. +If he offers you a slice, you're not the least bit hungry, check? Check. +Don't you think we should at least pull over and offer to clean it off? What?! Are you mentally deranged, Jam? +Oh no, Jam. I'm not falling for that twice. Well, couldn't you slow down so I can at least state my case, Hawk? If you don't like it, you can speed up and I'll never mention it again. +It doesn't mean anything. Don't pay attention to him. Disco Inferno? Disco's infernal morelike. +Hey, Look at the front entrance! A car's pulling out. The parking space from heaven. God is surely smiling down upon us tonight, dudes. Kind of funny, I thought He'd be pissed as hell at me. +Oh, I'm sorry, Trip. What you made was a big, brainless, pile of horse shit. No offense. Guys, GUYS! Come on, if this is anyone's fault, it's mine. I was the one who grabbed Trip's jacket by mistake. It's my fault and I apologize. +Guys, GUYS! Come on, if this is anyone's fault, it's mine. I was the one who grabbed Trip's jacket by mistake. It's my fault and I apologize. Please, Jam, we're trying to vent some hostility here. Sure the whole thing may be your fault, but who's gonna get pissed off at you? +It was stolen! Christine stole it! Asleep, my ass! The stella booted with your mom's wheels. +I'm sorry, guys. I thought it was a nice thing to do. Jam, not another word out of your femmy-ass mouth! Okay, we're here, we got nothing, and we got an hour and a half. We're totally committed. It's time to brainstorm. +I got... Uh-uh. Don't tell us, Jam. Just show us. +Wait! I know how we can get in! Jam, shut-up! You're not allowed to speak, remember? Go use whatever femmy idea you have to get yourself a ticket or four. I don't wanna hear it. +Jam, shut-up! You're not allowed to speak, remember? Go use whatever femmy idea you have to get yourself a ticket or four. I don't wanna hear it. But... my plan involves all four of us acting together. +But... my plan involves all four of us acting together. See you at 8:30, Jam. Later. Dudes? Later. +Well... I still got my idea if anybody will let me speak. Go ahead, Jam. +Go ahead, Jam. We all beat each other up, then, once we're nice and bruised, we run over to the ticket takers and say we got mugged and our tickets were stolen. They gotta let us in then. +Oh, hi, mom. NOW! +Jeremiah, what are you doing? Uhh... nothing. +Ahh, sunshine. You're going to be late if you don't hurry up and change soon. +You're going to be late if you don't hurry up and change soon. Change? What's wrong with what I got on? +Change? What's wrong with what I got on? It's dirty laundry for one thing and for another, you still haven't worn the clothes I bought you. You're skating on thin ice already, young man, so I wouldn't push my luck. Now get out of those rags. +It's dirty laundry for one thing and for another, you still haven't worn the clothes I bought you. You're skating on thin ice already, young man, so I wouldn't push my luck. Now get out of those rags. But, mom! +But, mom! Besides, those jeans are so tight I can see your penis. +They're not idiots. Now don't forget you're on the honor system tonight. I'll be home a little after one and if you've been partying or playing that satanic KISS music... well, need I remind you of the consequences? +Now don't forget you're on the honor system tonight. I'll be home a little after one and if you've been partying or playing that satanic KISS music... well, need I remind you of the consequences? Grounded for the rest of the year? +Grounded for the rest of the year? You're a smart boy, Jeremiah. And so handsome. +I made an appointment with Father Phillip McNulty at St. Bernard's. We're to see him directly where he will register you on the spot. You mean, you're sending me to... b- b-boarding school? +You mean, you're sending me to... b- b-boarding school? What else can I do? Oh, records and magazines and comic books are one thing, but tickets? TICKETS? Jeremiah, do you realize what this means? That you're no longer content merely hearing their awful songs or looking at photos of their horrific faces! Now you want to see the devil in the flesh. You want to reach out and touch pure evil... and in Detroit no less! +Someday you'll have a son just like you, Jeremiah. A boy who lies through his teeth, buys demonic records, and smokes the dope just like you. If I'm anything like you, I'll deserve him. +If I'm anything like you, I'll deserve him. What?! +What?! I said, I'm sorry! +I said, I'm sorry! If you truly are sorry, son, then you better pray like you've never prayed before. God willed me to find those tickets because He wanted to hear from you. He knows you need help and He wants you to ask Him for it. +Mom, what're we...? Just keep your lying, heathenous trap shut, Jeremiah. +Jeremiah... what's gotten into you? I just lost my virginity in a confessional booth! Lord have mercy!! +Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession in... well... a really long time. Prepare to receive the Act of Penance. How many sins have you committed since your last confession? +Prepare to receive the Act of Penance. How many sins have you committed since your last confession? Just one, Father, but boy was it a doozy. +So, you see if it wasn't for me, me and my friends would be at that KISS concert right now... together. That's it? +That's it? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, this is a unique confession to say the least, son. And not exactly the most interesting one I've ever heard either. You sure you don't want to talk about... oh, carnal knowledge with a neighborhood girl or impure thoughts about the new student teacher maybe... or how about finding a box of magazines under your dad's bed? +Well, this is a unique confession to say the least, son. And not exactly the most interesting one I've ever heard either. You sure you don't want to talk about... oh, carnal knowledge with a neighborhood girl or impure thoughts about the new student teacher maybe... or how about finding a box of magazines under your dad's bed? No. +No. Well then, I suggest you have a seat on the bench behind you and think of something a little juicier to confess than losing KISS tickets. I realize this is Detroit, but I personally find, what that rock and roll band is all about, to be boring as Lucifer's kingdom. I'll return in a little while. +Okay, you better have something really sinful for me this time, son. My patience is worn to threads and your mom will be here any minute. Alright, Father, here it is. About two weeks ago I went to my cousin's wedding and one of the bridesmaids asked me if I wanted to take a bath. +Alright, Father, here it is. About two weeks ago I went to my cousin's wedding and one of the bridesmaids asked me if I wanted to take a bath. No... +I was insulted, so I asked her if I was wreaking some wicked b.o., right? Then she said no, she wanted to take a bath with me. Oh, this is terrible... Please go on. +Oh, this is terrible... Please go on. Well, she was a very tempting siren, Father. Built like you wouldn't believe. So I gave into temptation about a block away from the wedding reception at this little motel that charges by the hour. +Well? Continue! Continue! Okay... when she peeled off that gown, you'll never guess what she was wearing underneath. +Okay... when she peeled off that gown, you'll never guess what she was wearing underneath. Was it a teddy? +No. Much bet... I mean, much more sinful than that. A bustier? +A bustier? Tell you what. You keep guessing and I'll say something when you get it. +Tell you what. You keep guessing and I'll say something when you get it. Splendid! I love a good game of Name That Nightie. +Jam has yet to do an overnight with us. I had a nightmare once that something like this might happen. I hope he doesn't get grounded again. If he misses Peter Criss's drum solo, I don't know if he'll be able to handle it. +Poor, Jam, man. Imagine having to stash your KISS records inside Carly Simon album covers. No question, Mrs. Bruce is a psycho-bitch from hell. You're one to talk, Lex. Your mom's a fuckin' dyke. +Trip, a female gynecologist does not a lesbian make. And even if it did, at least my mom didn't give birth to me while she was on LSD. Shrooms! And even if it was LSD, I can still give my mom a kiss without smelling the catch of the day. +Trip, you fuckin' asshole. What? +Yeah, right. She wishes. Look at that big ass. You know what they say about a big ass... big shit. +That's some sick shit right there. Did she comb your ass hair for you too? If your mom so much as smells those tickets, they're history, and we get screwed outta seeing KISS for the third year in a row, the third year! +I knew it! I knew this was gonna happen! I had a bad feeling since last night. Remember? We are so totally fucked! Waitaminit, dudes! I got it! Maybe we can glue the tickets back together! +Hey, take it easy, man. This is the girls' crapper, remember? Wake up, Lex! We just watched Jam's mom torch our fuckin' KISS tickets! Not REO Speedwagon! Not Journey! Not the Bay City Rollers! KISS! If you can think of a better reason to trash a bathroom, I'd sure like to hear it! +Wake up, Lex! We just watched Jam's mom torch our fuckin' KISS tickets! Not REO Speedwagon! Not Journey! Not the Bay City Rollers! KISS! If you can think of a better reason to trash a bathroom, I'd sure like to hear it! Trip, it's not the end of the world, okay? Quit acting all squeezed out. +Oh, everything's hunky-dory now that the shit hit the fan just like you said it would, you snug sonofabitch! You fuckin' jinxed us! Smug, Trip! Not snug, smug. +I did it! I did it! We won! We won?! +"The Chinese have a proverb: ""That which appears too good to be true, usually is."" There's gotta be a catch." "Yeah? I have a saying too, Lex. It goes, ""Catch my jizz in your mouth and stop jinxing us, asshole."" We're going this time and that's all there is to it." +Simplicity, Hawk. Simple-icity is more like it. And you guys thought Jam was in trouble before. Wait till Mrs. Bruce finds out he went to that concert with us. +About fuckin' time if you ask me. I'm just going through the motions till I drop out anyway. Hello summer detention. +Well, here we are back at fucking school again. Huh. St. Bernard's. Figures it's named after a canine. +Eyowch! This is one hot pizza! Trip, huck that out before it stains the upholstery! +Man, that weed knocked Christine on her ass. She's sleeping like a baby stella. Let's lift up her shirt. +Really, Trip, can we bore holes in your head and use it as a bong so it actually does us some good for a change? Fuck you, Lex! This whole thing wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you jinxing us. I just made an honest mistake. +It's gone. I can see that, bright boy. What happened to it? +But we took the keys? Damn, she musta hot wired it. We picked up a professional car thief in the shape of Olivia Newton-John! +Damn, she musta hot wired it. We picked up a professional car thief in the shape of Olivia Newton-John! Okay, I'm just a little mad now! Jam, why'd you talk us into picking that bitch up in the first place!? +Twenty-five more'n I got. All I got is five. The rest is in the Volvo. +Please sir, don't beat me up. I do have a KISS ticket, but not on me. A likely story. Hand it over, kid. +A likely story. Hand it over, kid. No really. My brother's hanging onto it for safe keeping. Please, let me get him for you. +Hey, kid, that's okay. I don't wanna see KISS that ba... Don't try to run, maggot. Chongo's an all-state track star in every event. +Don't try to run, maggot. Chongo's an all-state track star in every event. What do you want? +What do you want? A tag on your toe. Nobody threatens me and lives. +A tag on your toe. Nobody threatens me and lives. Look, you can have my wallet... +Look, you can have my wallet... It's not nearly enough, punk. +Please, sir, don't kick my ass! I'll do anything to get out of a beating! Say, Chongo, perhaps we could use some extra cash for tasty snacks at the KISS concert our weasly friend won't be attending. +Two hundred bucks? You heard me, nad breath. My time's precious and I think that's a reasonable price to pay for your sorry life. +You heard me, nad breath. My time's precious and I think that's a reasonable price to pay for your sorry life. Look, I want to live, but I don't know where the fuck I'm gonna find two hundred bucks. +Oh, yeah! You and what army? The KISS Army! +Gimme your gun, boy! No, you gimme your gun, boy! +No, you gimme your gun, boy! Don't tempt me, I'll shoot! +Don't tempt me, I'll shoot! Not if I shoot first! +Not if I shoot first! I don't even think you have a gun! +I don't even think you have a gun! Neither do I! +Simple Simon on the Rock, go caller. Hello? Is this me? I'm Trip. Am I on the air? +Hello? Is this me? I'm Trip. Am I on the air? I should hang up on you right now, but you're the right caller so answer quick or get your battleship sunk. What are the names of the four members of KISS? +I should hang up on you right now, but you're the right caller so answer quick or get your battleship sunk. What are the names of the four members of KISS? Gene Klein, Stanley Eisen, Paul Frehley, and Peter...Criscula! Yeah, that's it! +Is that your final answer? Yeah. +Yeah. Trip? You just got yourself four tickets and four backstage passes to KISS live at Cobo Hall tonight! +I did? Yeah, you did! +Yeah, you did! Yeeeehaaawww!! This is totally fuckin' curly, man! Thank you God! +Yeeeehaaawww!! This is totally fuckin' curly, man! Thank you God! "Whoa, easy, Trip, this is radio, not ""Taxi Driver."" Now listen up cause this next part is crucial. Stay on the line so we can get your full name, information, and..." +Good morning, mongrels! Good morning... +Good morning... "That's all the gusta you can musta? I said, ""Good morning!""" +"That's all the gusta you can musta? I said, ""Good morning!""" Good MORNING! +Good MORNING! Now that's better... but I still sense some students out there... who are AFRAID... just to say GOOD MORNING! +Now that's better... but I still sense some students out there... who are AFRAID... just to say GOOD MORNING! GOOD MORNING! +GOOD MORNING! Are you AFRAID? +Are you AFRAID? GOOD MORNING! +GOOD MORNING! Now that's what I like to hear! Because too many young men and women today are paralysed by their fears. They give in to their feelings of self-doubt... they surrender their bodies to the temptations of drugs, alcohol and premarital sex. Empty solutions. These are toxic chemicals... and disease-spreading behaviour. +Hi... what's going on here? Horrible accident. My neighbour... he got killed. +Horrible accident. My neighbour... he got killed. What happened? +What happened? He got smooshed. By a jet engine. +What was his name? Donnie. Donnie Darko. +I feel bad for his family. Yeah. +Yeah. Did you know him? +Dr. Monnitoff? Donnie. +Donnie. I know that this is gonna sound kinda weird... but do you know anything about time travel? +So... according to Hawking... wormholes might be able to provide a short cut for jumping between two distant regions of space-time. So... in order to travel back in time, you'd have to have a big spaceship or something that can travel faster than the speed of light -- +So... in order to travel back in time, you'd have to have a big spaceship or something that can travel faster than the speed of light -- Theoretically. +Theoretically. -- and be able to find one of these wormholes. +-- and be able to find one of these wormholes. A wormhole with an Einstein-Rosen bridge, which is, theoretically... a wormhole in space controlled by man. +A wormhole with an Einstein-Rosen bridge, which is, theoretically... a wormhole in space controlled by man. So... that's it? +So... that's it? The basic principles of time travel are there. So you have the vessel and the portal. And the vessel can be anything. Most likely a spacecraft. +Like a DeLorean. A metal craft of any kind. +What effect do you think this would have on an infant? Well... the thing is, nobody remembers their infancy. And anyone who says they do is lying. We think that this would help develop memory earlier in life. +Well... the thing is, nobody remembers their infancy. And anyone who says they do is lying. We think that this would help develop memory earlier in life. Did you stop and think that maybe infants need darkness? That darkness is part of their natural development. +Each vessel travels along a vector path through space-time... along its centre of gravity. Like a spear. +Like a spear. Beg pardon? +Beg pardon? Like a spear that comes out of your stomach? +Like a spear that comes out of your stomach? Uhh... sure. And in order for the vessel to travel through time it must find the portal, in this case the wormhole, or some unforeseen portal that lies undiscovered. +Uhh... sure. And in order for the vessel to travel through time it must find the portal, in this case the wormhole, or some unforeseen portal that lies undiscovered. Could these wormholes appear in nature? +Could these wormholes appear in nature? That... is highly unlikely. You're talking about an act of God. +That... is highly unlikely. You're talking about an act of God. If God controls time... then all time is pre-decided. Then every living thing travels along a set path. +If God controls time... then all time is pre-decided. Then every living thing travels along a set path. I'm not following you. +I'm not following you. If you could see your path or channel growing out of your stomach, you could see into the future. And that's a form of time travel, right? +If you could see your path or channel growing out of your stomach, you could see into the future. And that's a form of time travel, right? You are contradicting yourself, Donnie. If we could see our destines manifest themselves visually... then we would be given the choice to betray our chosen destinies. The very fact that this choice exists... would mean that all pre-formed destiny would end. +You are contradicting yourself, Donnie. If we could see our destines manifest themselves visually... then we would be given the choice to betray our chosen destinies. The very fact that this choice exists... would mean that all pre-formed destiny would end. Not if you chose to stay within God's channel... +Not if you chose to stay within God's channel... Donnie, I'm afraid I can't continue this conversation. I could lose my job. +When can I squeeze one out? Not until like... eighth grade. +Why do I have to sleep with Donnie? He stinks. When you fall asleep tonight, I'm gonna fart in your face. +When you fall asleep tonight, I'm gonna fart in your face. I'm telling Mom. +What happens if you tell Mom and Dad about this, Samantha? You'll put Ariel in the garbage disposal. +"""The Last Unicorn!"" By Samantha Darko." Donnie! Give it back! +Did you tell them that I flooded the school? I didn't say shit. +I didn't say shit. That's not what I heard. Now they think I did it. +That's not what I heard. Now they think I did it. Well, if you're innocent, then you have nothing to worry about. +Well, if you're innocent, then you have nothing to worry about. You know what? I think that you did it. +Dea ex machina... What did you say? +What did you say? Our saviour... +How can you do that? I can do anything I want... and so can you... +Why did you make me flood the school? We just want to guide you in the right direction. +We just want to guide you in the right direction. Who is... we? +Who is... we? You'll know soon enough. +You'll know soon enough. Where did you come from? +Where did you come from? Do you believe in time travel, Donnie? +I want to show you something. You have to do something for me first. +You have to do something for me first. You have a request? +You have a request? Yeah. Tell me why you're wearing that stupid bunny suit. +Yeah. Tell me why you're wearing that stupid bunny suit. Why are you wearing that stupid man suit? +Why are you wearing that stupid man suit? Take it off. I want to see you. +What happened to your eye? I am so sorry. +I am so sorry. Why do they call you Frank? +Why do they call you Frank? It is the name of my father... and his father before me. +It is the name of my father... and his father before me. How much longer is this gonna last? +How much longer is this gonna last? You should already know that. Watch the movie, Donnie. I have something to show you. +DARKO CHEATS DEATH! Man... you're famous! I called you, like, a jillion times last night! We went to a hotel. +We went to a hotel. My dad said he found you on the golf course. Are you sleepwalking again? +My dad said he found you on the golf course. Are you sleepwalking again? I don't wanna talk about it. +How old is Grandma Death? A hundred and one, I think. Every day she does the same thing. But there's never any mail. +What'd you do, Donnie? What'd you do! Go home. Go home and tell your parents that everything is going to be just fine. +Hey... Hey... +Hey... School's cancelled. +Wanna walk me home? Sure. +Don't look so freaked. I'm not. But you should check your backpack 'cause those guys like to steal shit. +I'm not. But you should check your backpack 'cause those guys like to steal shit. Fuck them. +So... you just moved here? Yeah. My parents got divorced. My mom has a restraining order against my stepdad. He has... emotional problems. +Yeah. My parents got divorced. My mom has a restraining order against my stepdad. He has... emotional problems. Oh, I... have those too. What kind of problems does your dad have? +Oh, I... have those too. What kind of problems does your dad have? He stabbed my mom four times in the chest. +Wow. Did he go to jail? He fled. They still can't find him. My mom and I had to change our names and stuff. I thought Gretchen sounded kind of cool. +He fled. They still can't find him. My mom and I had to change our names and stuff. I thought Gretchen sounded kind of cool. I'm sorry. I was in jail once. I accidentally burned down this house. It was abandoned. I got held back in school again. Can't drive until I'm eighteen. I think when I grow up I want to be a painter. Or maybe a writer or maybe both. Then I'll write a book and draw the illustrations like a comic book. You know, change things. +I'm sorry. I was in jail once. I accidentally burned down this house. It was abandoned. I got held back in school again. Can't drive until I'm eighteen. I think when I grow up I want to be a painter. Or maybe a writer or maybe both. Then I'll write a book and draw the illustrations like a comic book. You know, change things. Donnie Darko is a cool name. Sounds like a superhero. +Donnie Darko is a cool name. Sounds like a superhero. What makes you think I'm not? +I should go. For physics. Monnitoff says I have to write an essay on the greatest invention ever to benefit mankind. That's easy. Antiseptics. +I mean, the whole sanitation thing. Joseph Lister... 1895. Before antiseptics there was no sanitation, especially in medicine. You mean soap? +You mean soap? Don't knock soap. Without it, disease would spread rapidly. If we ran out... you and I would never live to see the year 2000. +Don't knock soap. Without it, disease would spread rapidly. If we ran out... you and I would never live to see the year 2000. Wonder where we'll be then. +Wonder where we'll be then. The best thing about soap is that it's the only thing on earth that can never get dirty. No matter what crap you throw on it... it always rubs off. And there it is again... perfect. +The best thing about soap is that it's the only thing on earth that can never get dirty. No matter what crap you throw on it... it always rubs off. And there it is again... perfect. Until it withers away. +It's a good thing the school was flooded today. Why is that? +Why is that? We never would have had this conversation. +You're weird. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. That was a compliment. +That was a compliment. Will you go with me? +Will you go with me? Where are we going? +Where are we going? No... I mean, will you GO with me? That's like... what they call it here. Going together. +No... I mean, will you GO with me? That's like... what they call it here. Going together. Sure. +Where are you going? I'm going home. +So when you sleepwalk, can you remember afterward? Like, do you dream? No. I just wake up and I look around, try to figure out where I am... how I got there. +No. I just wake up and I look around, try to figure out where I am... how I got there. My dad said never wake a sleepwalker... because they could drop dead. +It's like this big force... that's in your brain. But sometimes it grows bigger... and it spread down into your arms and legs... and it just sends you someplace. So when you sleepwalk, you go somewhere familiar? +So when you sleepwalk, you go somewhere familiar? No. Every time I wake up somewhere different. Sometimes my bike is laying there next to me. Like once when I woke up on the edge of this cliff up on Carpathian Ridge. +No. Every time I wake up somewhere different. Sometimes my bike is laying there next to me. Like once when I woke up on the edge of this cliff up on Carpathian Ridge. And you'd never been there before? +Donnie? Yeah? +Yeah? Do you ever feel as though there's always someone watching you? +Do you ever feel as though there's always someone watching you? Why? +Why? Well... maybe someone is, like... giving you these dream steroids. And sleepwalking ...is someone showing you the way. +What happened to your neck? I don't want to talk about it. So what happened to your neck? +Babies cry because they're afraid of the dark. And because they have no memories... for all they know... every night could be the last forever. Like, perpetual darkness. Why not just buy your baby a night light? +Why not just buy your baby a night light? That's not good enough. You've got to go back in time and take all those hours of darkness and pain and replace them... with whatever you wanted. +That's not good enough. You've got to go back in time and take all those hours of darkness and pain and replace them... with whatever you wanted. With, like, images? +With, like, images? Like... a Hawaiian sunset... the Grand Canyon. Things that remind you how beautiful the world can be. +You know... we've been going together for a week and a half... And what? +And what? Well... +Well... You want to kiss me... +That's alright... I understand. No... Donnie, wait. I've never... +No... Donnie, wait. I've never... I always wanted it to be at a time when... when it reminds you how beautiful the world can be. +I always wanted it to be at a time when... when it reminds you how beautiful the world can be. Yeah. And right now there's some fat guy over there watching us. +We're moving through time. What? +They suspended me for two days. Are you okay? +Are you okay? I've been seeing stuff... a lot of really messed-up stuff. Do you know who Grandma Death is? +I've been seeing stuff... a lot of really messed-up stuff. Do you know who Grandma Death is? Who? +Who? The old crazy woman who lives off Old Gun Road. +"Oh, yeah. ""The Philosophy of Time Travel"". What is this?" She wrote it. There are chapters in this book that describe the stuff I've been seeing. It can't just be a coincidence. Will you come see her with me? +I know she's here. She never leaves the house. Maybe she's asleep. +So, we call them... IMGs. Infant Memory Generators. +Infant Memory Generators. Yeah. So the idea is that... you buy these glasses for your infant, and they wear them at night when they sleep. +Yeah. So the idea is that... you buy these glasses for your infant, and they wear them at night when they sleep. And inside these glasses are these slide photographs. And each photograph is of something peaceful... or beautiful. Whatever pictures the parent wants to put inside. +What? How long was I asleep? The whole movie. Let's go. +You want to skip fourth period and go to the Ridge? What's wrong with you? +What's wrong with you? What do you mean? +Will you please talk to me? Not now, Donnie. It isn't a good time. +Not now, Donnie. It isn't a good time. Then when? I have to talk to you. +Hey. Hey. You OK? +Hey. You OK? My mom is gone. +My mom is gone. Where is she? +Where is she? I don't know. She didn't leave a note. The house is all messed up. +I don't know. She didn't leave a note. The house is all messed up. But you're OK? +Did you call the cops? Yeah, they told me to get out of the house. +I'm so scared... I just keep thinking that something awful has happened. It's my fucking stepdad. I know it. It's safe here. +What? There's something you have to know, Gretchen. Everything is going to be just fine. +Come with me. Where are we going? +Time is running out. We have to go see Grandma Death. We have to talk to her. Why? Is this about the book? +Why? Is this about the book? No. Frank. +No. Frank. Who's Frank? +Is that a cellar door? Yeah... +I'm sorry, Ms. Farmer, I just don't get this. Just place an X in the appropriate place on the Lifeline. +Just place an X in the appropriate place on the Lifeline. I just don't get this. Everything can't be lumped into two categories. That's too simple. +I just don't get this. Everything can't be lumped into two categories. That's too simple. The Lifeline is divided that way. +The Lifeline is divided that way. Well, life isn't that simple. So what if Ling Ling kept the cash and returned the wallet? That has nothing to do with either fear or love. +Well, life isn't that simple. So what if Ling Ling kept the cash and returned the wallet? That has nothing to do with either fear or love. Fear and love are the deepest of human emotions. +Fear and love are the deepest of human emotions. Well, yeah... OK, but you're not listening to me. There are other things that need to be taken into account here. Like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You're just lumping everything into these two categories... and, like, denying everything else. +People aren't that simple. If you don't complete the assignment, you'll get a zero for the day. +Will you still be working at Yarn Barn? 'Cause that's a great place to raise children. No, a year of partying is enough. She'll be going to Harvard this fall. +You're such a fuck-ass. When did you stop taking your medication? +Oh, please tell me, Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck? We will not have this kind of language at the dinner table. +I wish I knew where you went at night. Did you toilet paper the Johnson's house? I stopped rolling houses in the sixth grade, Mom. Get out of my room. +I stopped rolling houses in the sixth grade, Mom. Get out of my room. You know... it would be nice to look at you some time... and see my son. I don't recognise this person today. +You know... it would be nice to look at you some time... and see my son. I don't recognise this person today. Then why don't you start taking the goddamn pills? +Grandma Death. That is a terrible nickname. +He can't, Samantha. He's been suspended from after-school activities. Donnie... are you still with us? How was your therapy session tonight? Fine. You know, Dr. Thurman isn't so bad a lady. I can tell her anything. +I have to take the girls to Los Angeles tomorrow. Do you get to meet Ed? +Do you get to meet Ed? If I'm lucky. So... I won't be back until the first. Your dad will be back on Sunday, so I've put Elizabeth in charge until then. She has the car... so she can drive you to your therapy tomorrow. +If I'm lucky. So... I won't be back until the first. Your dad will be back on Sunday, so I've put Elizabeth in charge until then. She has the car... so she can drive you to your therapy tomorrow. How does it feel to have a wacko for a son? +How does it feel to have a wacko for a son? It feels wonderful. +So how was school today? It was great. We had peanut-butter sandwiches and apples and honey at snacktime. And then during show-and- tell, my stuffed walrus was a big hit. +It was great. We had peanut-butter sandwiches and apples and honey at snacktime. And then during show-and- tell, my stuffed walrus was a big hit. Good Lord. So the construction guys say it'll take about a week to fix the roof. Damn airline better not fuck us on the shingle match. +Good Lord. So the construction guys say it'll take about a week to fix the roof. Damn airline better not fuck us on the shingle match. Do they know yet? +Do they know yet? Know what? +Know what? Where it came from? +Where it came from? No... apparently they can't tell us what happened yet. Something about a matching serial number that got burned. But I had to sign a form saying I wouldn't talk to anyone about it. +No... apparently they can't tell us what happened yet. Something about a matching serial number that got burned. But I had to sign a form saying I wouldn't talk to anyone about it. So we're not supposed to tell anybody what nobody knows? +So we're not supposed to tell anybody what nobody knows? You tell Dr. Thurman whatever you want. +Oh, shit! Grandma Death. +Grandma Death. You know, Roberta Sparrow. We almost hit her with the car the other day. +You're right. Roberta Sparrow was famous for her gem collections. Kids used to try and steal stuff from her all the time. Over the years... as she got older, she became more and more of a recluse... now she just likes to stay up there all by herself. I guess she just lost faith in the world. +Who's been giving you weird looks? A lot of people. Teachers. Younger kids. It's like they're afraid of me for some reason. But that's OK... because I know I deserve it. +You're my only son... I know, Dad. +I know, Dad. I know I'm not the best... communicator. But whatever happens in your life... whatever obstacles you come up against... you just say... and do whatever is in your heart. You be honest... and tell the truth... even if they look at you funny... and they will. They'll tell you that you're wrong. They'll call you a fool. But what you've got to understand, son, is that almost all of those people are full of bullshit... and they're scared of people like you. Because you're smarter than all of them. +Donnie Darko, perhaps, given your recent brush with mass destruction, you can give us your opinion? Well... they say it right when they are ripping the place to shreds. When they flood the house. That like... destruction is a form of creation. So the fact that they burn the money is... ironic. They just want to see what happens when they tear the world apart. They want to change things. +Who is Frank? A six-foot-tall bunny rabbit. +And when the other rabbits hear of Fiver's vision, do they believe him? It could be the death of an entire way of life, the end of an era. Why should we care? +Why should we care? Because the rabbits are us, Donnie. +Because the rabbits are us, Donnie. Why should I mourn for a rabbit like it was a human? +Why should I mourn for a rabbit like it was a human? Is the death of one species less tragic than another? +Is the death of one species less tragic than another? Of course. A rabbit is not like us. It has no history books... it has no knowledge of sorrow or regret. I like bunnies and all. They're cute... and they're horny. And if you're cute and horny... then you're probably happy that you don't know who you are... or why you're even alive. But the only thing I've known rabbits to do is have sex as many times as possible before they die. +Ms. Pomeroy... what's going on? Donnie... it's Friday. Shouldn't you be off with your friends, scaring old people? +Donnie... it's Friday. Shouldn't you be off with your friends, scaring old people? Where are you going? +Where are you going? I don't know. That's a good question... but suffice to say that I am no longer your English teacher. They fired me. +I don't know. That's a good question... but suffice to say that I am no longer your English teacher. They fired me. That's bullshit. You're a good teacher. +That's bullshit. You're a good teacher. Thank you, Donnie. And you're a good student. Lazy... but a good student. Unlike most of the others, you question Mom and Dad's rules. +Thank you, Donnie. And you're a good student. Lazy... but a good student. Unlike most of the others, you question Mom and Dad's rules. What do I tell the rest of the class when they ask about you? +What do I tell the rest of the class when they ask about you? Tell them that everything is going to be just fine. It is up to the children to save themselves these days. Because the parents... they don't have a clue. +"What's ""Cellar Door""?" "A famous linguist once said... that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history... that ""Cellar Door"" is the most beautiful." +Cellar door. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us going. +So... will Donnie find his Cellar Door? I think I already have. But now she won't even talk to me. +I think I already have. But now she won't even talk to me. Then go find her, Donnie. Don't let her get away. She was right about the rabbits. Go. +Your mother said that you've been skipping cycles of your medication. I've been taking it. I just like to make her feel guilty for all of this. You know, abuse her. Psychologically. +I've been taking it. I just like to make her feel guilty for all of this. You know, abuse her. Psychologically. All of this... certainly isn't your mother's fault, Donald. +So, I met a new friend. Would you like to talk about this friend? +Would you like to talk about this friend? His name is Frank. +His name is Frank. Frank. +Frank. I think he saved my life. +I think he saved my life. How so? +How so? Don't you watch the news? +Don't you watch the news? I don't own a television. +I don't own a television. A jet engine fell on my house... landed on my bed. While I was talking to Frank on the golf course. +Frank... instructed you... to get out of bed... just before this happened. He said to follow him. +He said to follow him. Follow him where? +Follow him where? Into the future. Then he said that the world was coming to an end. +Do you believe that the world is coming to an end? No. That's stupid. +And when I clap my hands twice, you will wake up. Do you understand? Yes. +Yes. So, tell me about your day, Donald. +So, tell me about your day, Donald. I met a girl. +I met a girl. What is her name? +What is her name? Gretchen. We're going together now. +Gretchen. We're going together now. Do you think a lot about girls? +Do you think a lot about girls? Yes. +Yes. How are things going at school? +How are things going at school? I think about girls a lot. +I think about girls a lot. I asked you about school. +I asked you about school. I think about... fucking a lot during school. +I think about... fucking a lot during school. What else do you think about during school? +What else do you think about during school? "I think... about... ""Who's the Boss?""" +"I think... about... ""Who's the Boss?""" Who is the boss? +Who is the boss? I just turn the volume down and think about fucking Alyssa Milano. +I just turn the volume down and think about fucking Alyssa Milano. What about your family, Donnie? +What about your family, Donnie? No, I don't think about fucking my family. That's sick! +No, I don't think about fucking my family. That's sick! Donnie... I want to hear about your friend Frank. +How many times have you seen Frank? Four times... so far. +Four times... so far. Can anyone else see him? +Can anyone else see him? I don't think so. It's like a TV station. And they're tuned into mine and no one else's. +I don't think so. It's like a TV station. And they're tuned into mine and no one else's. Who is they? Is Frank part of some larger group? +Who is they? Is Frank part of some larger group? I don't know. Gretchen has a theory. That Frank is a sign. I told her I thought it was ridiculous. +I don't know. Gretchen has a theory. That Frank is a sign. I told her I thought it was ridiculous. A sign from whom? +A sign from whom? I think that Frank wants me to go to this woman. She wrote a book about time travel. Frank asked me if I believed in time travel. That can't just be a random coincidence. My dad almost hit her with the car the other day, and she said the creepiest thing. She said that every living creature on this earth dies alone. +I think that Frank wants me to go to this woman. She wrote a book about time travel. Frank asked me if I believed in time travel. That can't just be a random coincidence. My dad almost hit her with the car the other day, and she said the creepiest thing. She said that every living creature on this earth dies alone. How does that make you feel? +How does that make you feel? It reminded me of my dog Callie. +It reminded me of my dog Callie. Is Callie still around? +Is Callie still around? No. She died when I was eight. We couldn't find her for days. She went and crawled underneath our back porch... +No. She died when I was eight. We couldn't find her for days. She went and crawled underneath our back porch... Do you feel alone right now? +I'd like to believe that I'm not... but I've just never seen any proof. So I just choose not to bother with it. It's, like, I could spend my whole life thinking about it... debating it in my head. Weighing the pros and cons. And in the end, I still wouldn't have any proof. So... I don't even debate it any more. Because it's absurd. I don't want to be alone. So, does that make me, like, an atheist? No. That makes you keep searching. +And they grow out of our stomachs? It was just like she described them in her book. Like they were alive. The way that they looked... moved... smelled. They were like workers... assigned to each one of us. I followed my spear... and I found something... +It was just like she described them in her book. Like they were alive. The way that they looked... moved... smelled. They were like workers... assigned to each one of us. I followed my spear... and I found something... What did you find? +Nothing. Have you told Gretchen about the spears? +Have you told Gretchen about the spears? Yeah, but if I told her about the other stuff about Frank... +Yeah, but if I told her about the other stuff about Frank... Are you embarrassed by these things that you see? +Are you embarrassed by these things that you see? You know... every week I come in here and I tell you stuff... and it's all embarrassing. I tell you stuff that I don't tell anyone else... and you know what? It's your turn, Dr. Thurman. I'm not saying anything else until you tell me something embarrassing about yourself. +Whoa. That's OK, Dr. Thurman, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. I have sexual fantasies all the time too. I know. +I know. I mean... Gretchen... She won't even let me kiss her. She says because it's our first kiss... she's, like, waiting for this big... moment or something. I just don't get it. I just want to get it over with so we can move on to the good stuff. +I mean... Gretchen... She won't even let me kiss her. She says because it's our first kiss... she's, like, waiting for this big... moment or something. I just don't get it. I just want to get it over with so we can move on to the good stuff. The good stuff. +The good stuff. Yeah... you know... Fucking. +Yeah... you know... Fucking. Have you ever made love, Donald? +And when I clap my hands together twice, you will wake up. Do you understand? Yes. +Yes. So, your parents... why did you disappoint them? +So, your parents... why did you disappoint them? I... I was playing with fire. +I... I was playing with fire. Is it Frank who wants you to destroy the world, to set the world on fire? +People get hurt. But it was an accident. The house was under construction. +But it was an accident. The house was under construction. People get hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone. +People get hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone. But you were punished. +But you were punished. Yes. I went to jail. +Yes. I went to jail. Do you wish that you were punished by your parents instead? +Do you wish that you were punished by your parents instead? They... didn't buy me what I wanted for Christmas that year. +They... didn't buy me what I wanted for Christmas that year. What did you want for Christmas that year? +What did you want for Christmas that year? Hungry Hungry Hippos. +Hungry Hungry Hippos. How did you feel... being denied those Hungry Hungry Hippos? +How did you feel... being denied those Hungry Hungry Hippos? Regret. +Regret. What else makes you feel regret? +What else makes you feel regret? That I did it again. +That I did it again. You've done it again? +You've done it again? Yes. I flooded my school... and I burned down that pervert's house. I think I only have a few days left... before they catch me. +Yes. I flooded my school... and I burned down that pervert's house. I think I only have a few days left... before they catch me. Why did you do these things, Donnie? Did Frank tell you to commit these crimes? +I have to obey him... because he saved my life. He controls me and I have to obey him or I'll be left all alone... and I'll never figure out what all of this means... If God exists? +If God exists? I think now that he might... +I think now that he might... Why? +Why? Because I'm so horny. +Because I'm so horny. God exists because you're horny. +God exists because you're horny. I think so. I think that's one of the clues. It's a clue that tells us... to keep going. +I think so. I think that's one of the clues. It's a clue that tells us... to keep going. Where are we going? +Where are we going, Donald? I have the power to build a time machine. +I have the power to build a time machine. How is that possible? +How is that possible? Grandma Death will teach me how. Soon. +Grandma Death will teach me how. Soon. Then how is time travel possible? +Then how is time travel possible? It would have to be God's portal. They will lead me to it. Then I will go back in time... and I won't feel regret anymore. +It would have to be God's portal. They will lead me to it. Then I will go back in time... and I won't feel regret anymore. When will this happen? +When will this happen? Soon. Time is almost up. +What is going to happen? Frank is going to kill. +Frank is going to kill. Who is he going to kill? +I can see him right now! Where is he, Donald? +Where is he, Donald? He's right there... He can read my mind and he'll show me the way out of this. The sky is going to open up... and then He will reveal himself to me. +He's right there... He can read my mind and he'll show me the way out of this. The sky is going to open up... and then He will reveal himself to me. If the sky were to suddenly open up... there would be no law... there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made and the people you've touched. The life that has been carved out from your subconscious is the only evidence by which you will be judged... by which you must judge yourself. Because when this world ends, there will only be you and him... and no one else. +If the sky were to suddenly open up... there would be no law... there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made and the people you've touched. The life that has been carved out from your subconscious is the only evidence by which you will be judged... by which you must judge yourself. Because when this world ends, there will only be you and him... and no one else. It's too late. I've already ruined my life. +It's too late. I've already ruined my life. You will survive this... Donald. I promise you that you will survive. You must let me help you. And when I clap my hands together, you will wake up. +Your medication. They're placebos. Just pills made out of water. Thank you. +Thank you. Donald, an atheist is someone who denies altogether the existence of a God. You are an agnostic. An agnostic is someone who believes that there can be no proof of the existence of God... but does not deny the possibility that God exists. +Donald, an atheist is someone who denies altogether the existence of a God. You are an agnostic. An agnostic is someone who believes that there can be no proof of the existence of God... but does not deny the possibility that God exists. Goodbye, Dr. Thurman. +Goodbye, Dr. Thurman. Goodbye, Donald. +Whoa, Elizabeth. A little hostile, there. Maybe you should be the one in therapy. Then Mom and Dad can pay someone two hundred dollars an hour to listen to all of your thoughts... so we won't have to. Maybe you'd like to tell Mom and Dad why you stopped taking your medication. +"It's called ""The Philosophy of Time Travel""." What does time travel have to do with philosophy? +What does time travel have to do with philosophy? Guess who wrote it? +So I hear you have a girlfriend. Yeah. +Yeah. What's her name? +What's her name? You're not gonna tell Mom, are you? +You're not gonna tell Mom, are you? Why would I tell Mom? +Why would I tell Mom? Because you tell Mom everything. +Because you tell Mom everything. No I don't. She worries about you. +No I don't. She worries about you. Well, don't worry... I'm taking my medication. +Well, don't worry... I'm taking my medication. It's not that. I mean mouthing off to your teachers. I'll admit... when Dad told me what you said to Ms. Farmer, I laughed my ass off. +It's not that. I mean mouthing off to your teachers. I'll admit... when Dad told me what you said to Ms. Farmer, I laughed my ass off. I was just being honest. +I was just being honest. Yeah... well, that's not the way the world works. If you keep being too honest, the world will eventually find a way to destroy you. +Yeah... well, that's not the way the world works. If you keep being too honest, the world will eventually find a way to destroy you. Her name is Gretchen. +Her name is Gretchen. That's a nice name. OK, let me see it. +I got in. I'm going to Harvard. Congratulations. +Mom and Dad won't be back until Sunday night. It's Halloween Carnival. We should throw a party. We could totally get away with it. Okay, but it has to be a small one. +Okay, but it has to be a small one. Everything is going to be just fine. +How much are they paying you to be here? Excuse me? What's your name, son? +Excuse me? What's your name, son? Gerald. +Gerald. Well, Gerald, I think you're afraid. +Well, Gerald, I think you're afraid. Well, Jim, I think you're full of shit! +I think you are afraid to ask me for advice. I think that you are a very troubled... confused young man. I think you're searching for answers in all the wrong places. Well, I think you're the fucking Anti-Christ. +Thank you for seeing us... We... just felt that it was time to discuss... What I think is going on with your son. +What I think is going on with your son. Well, you know about his past. And when you said to look for signs of aggression... He was recently suspended from school for insulting his gym teacher. +Has your son ever told you about Frank? Come again? +Come again? Frank... the giant bunny rabbit? +Frank... the giant bunny rabbit? Frank? +Frank? Donnie is experiencing what is commonly called a daylight hallucination. +Donnie is experiencing what is commonly called a daylight hallucination. You're telling me my son has an imaginary friend? +You're telling me my son has an imaginary friend? He has described lengthy conversations... physical encounters with what I believe to be a manifestation of his subconscious mind. +I... What can we do? I would like to put him through more hypnotherapy... and increase his medication. +If that's what you think is necessary. But let me remind you that this treatment is... experimental. +Our son just called me a bitch. You're not a bitch. +So let me get this straight. No airline will claim ownership of the engine. So we have to wait for the FAA to decide who fixes my roof. Fuck that. We're taking the money out of savings. You are entering a new dimension of sight and sound... +What? Frankie Feedler. You remember him from high school? +Frankie Feedler. You remember him from high school? He was a year ahead of us? +He was a year ahead of us? He died, remember? On the way to the prom. He was doomed. +I haven't been accepted yet, mother. If you think Michael Dukakis will provide for this country prior to the point when you decide to squeeze one out, then I think you're misinformed. +Excuse me? Donnie? You're a dick. +Did you just call me a fuck-ass? That's enough. +That's enough. You can suck a fuck. +No. I took a year off to be with you. Of course I care. Don't get angry. What? How did you know -- +How did you know -- I didn't realise it was such a big deal. +I didn't realise it was such a big deal. It is a big deal. +It is a big deal. I caught him flushing pills down the toilet. He knows you check the container. +Here are the keys to the Taurus. There's plenty of groceries in the fridge. And I left money on the kitchen table. And don't forget... Don't worry, Mom. Just go, you'll miss your flight. +I got twelve classrooms full of water. All coming from a busted water main. What else? +What else? What else? Shit, Principal Cole, you ain't gonna believe what else. +Christ. Is that an axe? Yep. +Yep. How did this happen? +How did this happen? I guess they made him do it. +Excuse me... but what is the real issue here? The PTA doesn't ban books from school. The PTA is here to acknowledge that there is pornography in our school's curriculum. +Do you even know who Graham Greene is? "I think we've all seen ""Bonanza""." +Kitty, I don't know what to say. They've suspended him for two days. Ever since this jet fiasco, I honestly don't know what has gotten into him. Rose, I'll tell you this because our daughters have been on dance team together for two years and I respect you as a WOMAN. But after witnessing your son's behaviour today, I have... significant doubts... Our paths through life must be righteous. I urge you to go home and look in the mirror and pray that your son does not succumb to the path of fear. +Rose. Kitty... +Kitty... Rose, we have a crisis. I am sure that you are aware of the horrible allegations against Jim Cunningham. +Rose, we have a crisis. I am sure that you are aware of the horrible allegations against Jim Cunningham. Yes, I saw the news. Something about a kiddie-porn dungeon. +Yes, I saw the news. Something about a kiddie-porn dungeon. Please! Don't say those words. Well... as you can see... many of us are devastated by this news. This is obviously some kind of conspiracy meant to destroy an innocent man. And I have taken it upon myself to spearhead the Jim Cunningham defence campaign. But unfortunately my civic duties have created a conflict of interest... which involves you. +Please! Don't say those words. Well... as you can see... many of us are devastated by this news. This is obviously some kind of conspiracy meant to destroy an innocent man. And I have taken it upon myself to spearhead the Jim Cunningham defence campaign. But unfortunately my civic duties have created a conflict of interest... which involves you. Beg pardon? +Beg pardon? Rose... I have to appear at his arraignment tomorrow morning. And as you know, the girls also leave for Los Angeles tomorrow morning. Now, as their coach... I was the obvious choice to chaperone them on the trip. +Rose... I have to appear at his arraignment tomorrow morning. And as you know, the girls also leave for Los Angeles tomorrow morning. Now, as their coach... I was the obvious choice to chaperone them on the trip. But now you can't go. +But now you can't go. Yes. And believe me, of all the other mothers I would never dream of asking you, given the predicament with your son. But none of the other mothers are able to go. +Yes. And believe me, of all the other mothers I would never dream of asking you, given the predicament with your son. But none of the other mothers are able to go. Oh, Kitty, I don't know. This is so last-minute... Eddie is in New York... +Oh, Kitty, I don't know. This is so last-minute... Eddie is in New York... Rose... I don't know if you realise how great an opportunity this is for our daughters. This has been a dream of ours for a long time. Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion. +Kitty, I would appreciate... if you could wait... Mr. Cole... not only am I a TEACHER... but I am also a PARENT of a Middlesex child. Therefore, I am the ONLY person here who transcends the parent-teacher bridge. +Mr. Cole... not only am I a TEACHER... but I am also a PARENT of a Middlesex child. Therefore, I am the ONLY person here who transcends the parent-teacher bridge. Kitty... +Kitty... The bottom line... Mr. Cole... is that there is material being taught to our children that is cause for this destructive behaviour. +And how do they do this? They FLOOD the house... by breaking through the water main! This meeting of the PTA was called to inform the parents of our ongoing investigation... +This meeting of the PTA was called to inform the parents of our ongoing investigation... I AM THE PTA! And I say that this FILTH is directly related to this vandalism. +Chut up! Go back to China, bitch! +Maybe Martha Moo finally went nuts and hijacked the bus. You know, there's, like, this rule. We get to go home at 7:55. +You know, there's, like, this rule. We get to go home at 7:55. There's no rule! +There's no rule! Fuck yeah there is! If the bus doesn't show up in thirty minutes, you're supposed to go straight home. +All right! 7:55. Everybody goes home. Let's go to Donnie's house. His parents are both at work. +What is this shit? Raspberry. +Wicked. No more fuckin' for her. +No more fuckin' for her. Smurfette doesn't fuck. +Smurfette doesn't fuck. Bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other smurfs. That's why Papa Smurf made her, 'cause the other smurfs were getting too horny. +Bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other smurfs. That's why Papa Smurf made her, 'cause the other smurfs were getting too horny. Not Vanity. He's a homo. +We got eggs, water balloons, and a dozen rolls of toilet paper. I stole four beers from my dad. +Is Mom okay? She's alive, sweetie. +She's alive, sweetie. Where is she?! +Where is she?! She's right over there. +Mommmm! I'll be right behind you in the hearse! Don't let that worry you, Annette! +You're what?! I -- I'm quittin' the pageant. +I -- I'm quittin' the pageant. I heard you, I was just tryin' to scare you into changin' your mind. Oh for Chrissakes, Amber, the woman clung to your tap shoes while flyin' through the air like a Goddamn lawn dart! +I heard you, I was just tryin' to scare you into changin' your mind. Oh for Chrissakes, Amber, the woman clung to your tap shoes while flyin' through the air like a Goddamn lawn dart! Oh God, I'm dead... +So, what do I say? "Simple. Just say, ""Mom, I know you sacrificed everything -- relationships, dreams -- your tummy, ass and thighs -- all to bring me into this world. All so I could have tap lessons and be in the pageant -- the same one you were in. But, y'know what? I'm quittin'."" There. Easy as pie." +"Simple. Just say, ""Mom, I know you sacrificed everything -- relationships, dreams -- your tummy, ass and thighs -- all to bring me into this world. All so I could have tap lessons and be in the pageant -- the same one you were in. But, y'know what? I'm quittin'."" There. Easy as pie." Oh my God. I'm so dead... +Oh my God. I'm so dead... Yeah, you betcha... +Hell-no, she ain't quittin'. No. Mom said if I did, she'd look up my dad and marry him. +"""Once a carnie, always a carnie.""" Oh-yah. +That was your mom. She wanted you to have this. Really, Loretta? +Really, Loretta? You-betcha. +You-betcha. My mom wanted me to have this? +My mom wanted me to have this? Oh, shut up. I thought it might help you get some sleep. +Oh, shut up. I thought it might help you get some sleep. Loretta, never have kids. +Loretta, never have kids. Well God-love-ya for thinkin' I still could. +Oh, Mom's okay. They're just givin' her a ride back. She almost blew outta the back of Loretta's pick-up on the way over. Thank God for bunge cords. +Thank God for bunge cords. ...Yah -- well, at least, y'know, I got to perform. And Mom got to see me. I guess number eight only worked for Diane Sawyer... +What is wrong with you? I don't know. I just didn't wanna win like this. +I don't know. I just didn't wanna win like this. You stop right there. You are a good person. Good things happen to good people. +You stop right there. You are a good person. Good things happen to good people. Really? +Really? No. It's pure bullshit, sweetie. You're lucky as hell, so you might as well enjoy it. Let's get you a root beer float. +No. It's pure bullshit, sweetie. You're lucky as hell, so you might as well enjoy it. Let's get you a root beer float. Okay. +Okay. Do you guys want some shots? I'm buyin'. +I never liked her, but she didn't deserve to die in the belly of a swan like that. The whole thing's just kinda sad and lame at the same time. This came for you, sweetie. +This came for you, sweetie. Ah! It's from State! Oh my God! +"It's all the stuff I get to do. Oh my God, oh my God... Okay, okay... We get a ""personal consultation"" with a make-up artist -- Eeeh! Okay, um, there'll be a choreographer to the stars and, oh no -- No way. Oh... My... God!" What? For chrissakes, spit it out. +What? For chrissakes, spit it out. I'll be stayin' overnight at... The Airport Howard Johnsons! +I'll be stayin' overnight at... The Airport Howard Johnsons! Right by the airport -- Oh, Amber... +Right by the airport -- Oh, Amber... There's an indoor swimming pool! Ahhhh! +"All right, say ""Airport Ho-Jo.""" Airport Ho-Jo! +Airport Ho-Jo! I got it! Yeah, why don't ya take a... +Loretta, don't do that. I'm sorry. They're just starin'. +I'm sorry. They're just starin'. I gotta work with these women. +I gotta work with these women. Okay, sweetie, that's all right. Let's go. Let's go. +I just, I just can't believe it. I'm Minnesota's American Teen Princess! Our baby's going to Nationals! Lincoln, Alabama -- look out! +Our baby's going to Nationals! Lincoln, Alabama -- look out! I'm gonna be on TV! Just like Diane Sawyer. +Oh, Amber... I -- I -- I -- I -- I --, j-uh-j-uh- just wanted to compe-e-e-e-ete. +I -- I -- I -- I -- I --, j-uh-j-uh- just wanted to compe-e-e-e-ete. I can't believe this is happenin'. I can't believe she said you couldn't... +Amber? Here. """Here,"" wh-wh-what?" +"""Here,"" wh-wh-what?" My jacket. Take it 'cause, y'know, I got my costume okay'd before the pageant. You can wear it. +"Shut up, yous guys. Look, Amber, I'm not gonna win. And let's be honest, a family only needs one ""Liza"" and you know Peter's got much better legs than me." Your parents'd kill you. +Your parents'd kill you. Oh c'mon, I love 'em, but you know they only had me 'cause Peter needed a kidney. +Oh c'mon, I love 'em, but you know they only had me 'cause Peter needed a kidney. Lis, I want to, I really do, but... Oh, I can't. +Lis, I want to, I really do, but... Oh, I can't. "Then do it for Peter. Mrs. Leeman used to call him a ""skinny little fag"" when he'd bag her groceries. He'd pop his Nancy-belt if his old jacket somehow, I don't know, got her back." +"Then do it for Peter. Mrs. Leeman used to call him a ""skinny little fag"" when he'd bag her groceries. He'd pop his Nancy-belt if his old jacket somehow, I don't know, got her back." Yah? +Yah? Oh-you-beccha. +I'm lucky I have an after-school job where I can practice my talent. Oh, yeah, sure. You know, every pageant is special, but this one is extra-special to me. When I was seventeen, I don't know if you know this, but I was crowned Mount Rose's American Teen Princess. And this year... drum roll please, my lovely daughter, Rebecca Ann Leeman is competin'. +Mrs. Leeman? Huh? +Huh? I -- I'm wearin' this costume. I'm, uh, I'm gonna do my talent tonight. +I -- I'm wearin' this costume. I'm, uh, I'm gonna do my talent tonight. Oh really -- I don't think so. Uh, Amber, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but rules state that a costume must be okay'd at least a week in advance. And this... This is why we have the rule. My goodness gracious, I couldn't allow a neckline this low on stage. We have kids in the audience. +Oh really -- I don't think so. Uh, Amber, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but rules state that a costume must be okay'd at least a week in advance. And this... This is why we have the rule. My goodness gracious, I couldn't allow a neckline this low on stage. We have kids in the audience. But, you -- I mean... It's not my fault. I -- I... Please? I didn't do anything wrong... +Sorry. I just thought she might not wanna meet her Maker lookin' like a cheap whore. "Well, your ""cheap whore"" is this family's ""lovin' mother."" The Clemens said to make him look like he just came from snowmobilin'. Pink cheeks, and..." +"Well, your ""cheap whore"" is this family's ""lovin' mother."" The Clemens said to make him look like he just came from snowmobilin'. Pink cheeks, and..." -- red nose and ears. I know, I know. +Amber... No, don't say it. Another stray bullet to the head. +I'm gonna need more caps. You hafta go home. There's some kinda emergency at the trailer park. +You hafta go home. There's some kinda emergency at the trailer park. "Relax, that's my ma's code for, ""Bring home milk and a carton-a Luckys.""" +"Relax, that's my ma's code for, ""Bring home milk and a carton-a Luckys.""" No. Loretta called. There's been a... a fire. +...Yah -- 1963. Her beauty worked against her when she started as a reporter in Louisville, her hometown. Those were different times. Hey, Amber, y'get my smokes? +Hey, Amber, y'get my smokes? That's my mom. I'll get 'em in a sec. +Oh shit! They're from L.A. They wanted to see my room and film me for their movie. +They're from L.A. They wanted to see my room and film me for their movie. Oh... How quickly they grow up. Hey, if they ask you to take off your shirt, get the money first. +Oh, Mom, it's so ugly. Ruined a brand-new pair of Lee Press- ons. Well, I sat down for a beer and KA- BLEWEY! Next thing I know, somethin' blows through my kitchen window. Next thing I know, I'm ass up in Loretta's flower bed. +Go on! Get out! Mom, look, don't say anything. First of all, I'm not pregnant. +Mom! I ain't lettin' go ktil you tell me what's up. I'm reaching' a point where I'd kill someone for the nicotine on their fingernails. +I ain't lettin' go ktil you tell me what's up. I'm reaching' a point where I'd kill someone for the nicotine on their fingernails. Okay. Yesterday I... I got this picture. So I kinda, y'know, I'm thinkin' no. I'm gonna, I -- I -- I'm gonna quit the pageant. +Okay. Yesterday I... I got this picture. So I kinda, y'know, I'm thinkin' no. I'm gonna, I -- I -- I'm gonna quit the pageant. What?! +Ow! Would yous boys excuse us a second? Loretta, you too. +Nice mouth you got there, Mom, but I -- I'm not goin' through this again. You're not goin' through this again? You? You're not the one who knows how Jiffy Pop feels. +You're not goin' through this again? You? You're not the one who knows how Jiffy Pop feels. Oh, c'mon... First the picture of Tammy, then Brett Clemens, now this? It's scary. +Oh, c'mon... First the picture of Tammy, then Brett Clemens, now this? It's scary. "Let me tell you ""scary,"" Amber. Look at me. Do you wanna look like you been rode hard and put away wet at my age? I'm a ""lifer"" here. Best I can hope for is to end up in a descent ""raisin ranch"" where they'll change me twice a day." +"Let me tell you ""scary,"" Amber. Look at me. Do you wanna look like you been rode hard and put away wet at my age? I'm a ""lifer"" here. Best I can hope for is to end up in a descent ""raisin ranch"" where they'll change me twice a day." That's it, I'm goin'... +That's it, I'm goin'... Honest to God, if I got to do it over? I'd start walkin' outta this town the minute I took my first step. Practically the only thing I wouldn't do different is have you... +God I hope that's you and not your concussion talkin'. It's me... I just don't want this to be the thing you'd do over. This pageant's your ticket outta here. I know you can win, Amber. +It's me... I just don't want this to be the thing you'd do over. This pageant's your ticket outta here. I know you can win, Amber. C'mere. I love you so much. +C'mere. I love you so much. I love you much. +Bye mom. We was robbed. +We was robbed. It's okay. +"Okay, okay! Listen-up. Coupla notes from last night's dress rehearsal. Number one, Gladys says a coupla yous are gettin' sexy with your hips durin' the ""Physical Fitness"" routine..." Oh my God! My -- my tap costume's gone. +"Uh, Amber? We're not puttin' on our Talent costumes. You need to put on your ""Physical Fitness"" outfit. And let's shake a leg, ladies." No, wait. It -- it was here before the openin' number... wait. What am I sayin'? I should just ask you, Becky. Where is it? +I hate her! We all do. Now let's go. +Mrs. Clark, why are you doing this to me? Why're you pretendin' you don't know what's goin' on? Amber, I'm sorry. I really am. But you know the rules. All talent costumes hafta be okay'd by Gladys before the pageant. +Amber, I'm sorry. I really am. But you know the rules. All talent costumes hafta be okay'd by Gladys before the pageant. But, doesn't someone taking your costume so you can't compete, overrule that rule? +But, doesn't someone taking your costume so you can't compete, overrule that rule? Sorry. I -- I don't make the rules. +Sorry. I -- I don't make the rules. This, this... This is bullshit! +This, this... This is bullshit! Amber Atkins! That is not American Teen Princess language! +Amber Atkins! That is not American Teen Princess language! Good, 'cause this isn't an American Teen Princess Pageant -- it's, it's Nazi Germany! +What're you doin' here? Oh, Amber, like you're the only one who visits Mary. +What? You heard me. Where is it? +If you're gettin' at somethin', you better just say it. I just did. +I just did. Well then, you better be willin' to back it up, 'cause you're talkin' like crazy. +Oh -- oh, you bring me some of that snotty attitude, Becky -- bring it on. "Well, as my mother says at Sunday dinner, ""Come and get it,"" bitch!" +"Well, as my mother says at Sunday dinner, ""Come and get it,"" bitch!" "Oh, I'll ""get it."" I'll ""get it"" all right. I might even take seconds." +If you want seconds, then I'll make sure it's hot enough for ya. Bitch! +Here, I didn't get any. Here, have some. +So, anyone talk to Janelle? Yah -- I brought her some flowers this morning. She's in the room next to my mom. She's super happy. +Amber, if I die from these fumes, will you be sure to cover the hickies on my neck? Yeah... +Yeah... And the bite marks on my ears? +And the bite marks on my ears? Yes... +Yes... I know it doesn't matter, but on my inner thighs. +I know it doesn't matter, but on my inner thighs. Yes, Leslie! +Hi... Hi. +Here, I'll take it. It's my job. NO... It's all right. I got it. Don't worry about it. +Oh man, you got leutefisk in your hair. Then it must be Wednesday. +So, uh, I -- I'm not really busy Friday. I just said that -- y'know. I know. +I know. So if, uh, you wanted to do somethin'... +Well, uh, I'm cuttin' out early today to do a little duck huntin'... but, uh, maybe I could call you tonight. Yah-sure, fine... fine. +Yah-sure, fine... fine. Okay... well, bye. +Okay... well, bye. Bye. +What do you mean, they take out her butt? Oh, Jesus H. Christ! +Oh, Jesus H. Christ! "Are we on ""Cops"" again?" +"Are we on ""Cops"" again?" You could be quiet. +You could be quiet. Hi. +Hi. Hi. +Hi. It's just the guys that are... you know, makin' the movie about the pageant. I told you about 'em. +It's just the guys that are... you know, makin' the movie about the pageant. I told you about 'em. Oh, naw. Hi. +Oh, naw. Hi. This here's Loretta. +This here's Loretta. "I tell Annette, I says, ""You talk to me durin' my stories, you might as well be talkin' to the wall."" You guys want a beer?" +Say, yous boys been to the Leeman's? Loretta, shut it. +Loretta, shut it. Y'know, if you have, you got all the pictures of the winner you need. +Y'know, if you have, you got all the pictures of the winner you need. Shut it up, Loretta. +Shut it up, Loretta. Oh, Christ, it's true. +Let's just say who should win, who deserves to win is Amber. Why don't you paint a big red target on your ass, Loretta. +Why don't you paint a big red target on your ass, Loretta. She's the prettiest, y'know. The best damn tapper. The most smartest... +She's the prettiest, y'know. The best damn tapper. The most smartest... """Most smartest?"" Oh, that's good, Loretta. Make sure you get a picture of that. ""Most smartest."" We're cuttin you off and sendin' you home." +Well, excuse me, Annette, but I'm braggin' up your kid, here. Amber's gonna be the next Diane Sawyer, y'know... I'll be right back. See ya later. +They're makin' a movie, here, goddamn it. All right, they're makin' a movie. +All right, they're makin' a movie. You don't know where this is gonna... +You don't know where this is gonna... I got a hairdo. +Don't fall for it. She lives two trailers down. So? Be real easy. +So? Be real easy. Go on home, Loretta. Come on. Go on, the party's over. +Go on home, Loretta. Come on. Go on, the party's over. Anyone? +Oh-Jesus-Mary-n-Joseph, she's pregnant! If you are -- come back, sweetie. Mommy wants to talk, then KILL YOU! Annette, why don't you just see if there's any beer left in that can and relax a bit. +We was robbed. Okay. Take her purse. +Annette, just use your hand. They told me to practice. +Well, it's all happenin' so fast. Goodness-gracious, it hardly seems real, y'know? I mean, I won! I'm the winner! I'm going to State! She's the winner and we're going to state. +C'mon, Rebecca, you wanted it. Now get up there. Ride it side-saddle if you have to -- like a horse. C'mon, now. It smells funny. Like gasoline. +It smells funny. Like gasoline. Oh for chrissakes, everything smells like that in Mexico. +Oh for chrissakes, everything smells like that in Mexico. My dress'll reek. +My dress'll reek. Listen, little missy, this cost your dad a pretty penny. Now get your ass up there and show me some teeth. +I'm a mirror. Correction. This spunky monkey on my right is Terry Macey. And we are your Minnesota American Teen Princess State Board. +Correction. This spunky monkey on my right is Terry Macey. And we are your Minnesota American Teen Princess State Board. We're also the co-founders of the Minnesota Modeling Academy. Applications are at the tiki bar. We'll wave the fifty dollar application fee if you list a friend and put her address. +We're also the co-founders of the Minnesota Modeling Academy. Applications are at the tiki bar. We'll wave the fifty dollar application fee if you list a friend and put her address. That's right. +That's right. Okay? +Okay? Mm-hm. +People, people -- wait, wait a minute, here. Uh, while we haven't ruled out sabotage from neighboring state pageants -- Iowa, Wisconsin, North Dakota... Yeah. +Yeah. Dakota. +Dakota. Ohio... +Ohio... That bitch from... +That bitch from... What? +What? Wisconsin. +Wisconsin. All right, then. +All right, then. The bitch. +The bitch. The important thing is that we have a winner... +Do you think that most people would say that teenage beauty pageants are a good idea? "Oh yah-sure, I know what some of your big city, no bra wearin', hairy- legged women's libbers say, ""Pageants are old-fashioned"" and, uh, and ""demeaning"" to the girls --" +So what was the theme of the pageant last year? "Last year? It was, ""Buy American.""" +"Last year? It was, ""Buy American.""" And the year before that? +And the year before that? """U.S.A. is A-okay.""" +"""U.S.A. is A-okay.""" Can you remember the theme of your favorite pageant? +Can you remember the theme of your favorite pageant? """Can I? I'm Amer-I-Can!"" People ask me where I get this. I don't know, it's... maybe a gift from God or somethin'." +...Oh, yeah-right. I ain't gonna be in no goddamn pageant! Look what happened to that dork-ass farm girl. Tammy Curry? +Tammy Curry? Yah -- yah. Everyone says this is a big accident? She got iced because she wins everything, and this time someone didn't want her to win. +Yah -- yah. Everyone says this is a big accident? She got iced because she wins everything, and this time someone didn't want her to win. This pageant's like a roach motel. +This pageant's like a roach motel. Girls check in, but they don't check out. +Girls check in, but they don't check out. Yeah. And they say smokin' is bad for your health. +Yeah. And they say smokin' is bad for your health. Yeah. +What a surprise. Gladys Leeman's finally gonna go to State. And she'll probably ride on Becky's ass all the way to Nationals, too. I wonder how she's gonna fix that one. +...You betcha. S'posed to be colder- n-a witches tit tonight... Oh, Lester. He loves his weather, y'know. +Oh, Lester. He loves his weather, y'know. Hey, ya like it? Open it... Yah -- the globe. Pull at the equator there. +Hey, ya like it? Open it... Yah -- the globe. Pull at the equator there. We're not in the showroom, Dear. +Lester? Oh, all right How soon they forget where all this comes from. +Yah -- she's damn near as good as that little black fella -- with the glass eye. Sammy Davis, Jr., honey. +Sammy Davis, Jr., honey. Yeah, yeah, the Jew. +Hey! Turn that float around. You think a swan's gonna swim ass first up Main Street? Yah -- Gladys had me order that swan special made from Mexico in case Becky won. I do a lotta business with those people. I always offer to pay 'em in tacos. Whoo, they love that. +Hey, Ted, sorry. I didn't know your family was in the garage when I set it on fire! Gladys! Stop it! +Gladys! Stop it! Guess it wasn't a garage sale as much as it was a bake sale. Ah- hahahahahahahaha! +So help me, Gladys. Becky was my only shot at state! +Becky was my only shot at state! That's enough! +That's enough! Let go! Let go of me. Oh my God, it's COPS! +"...that filth is better left in the ""Sin Cities.""" A.k.a. Minneapolis -- St. Paul. +"...Today's ""To Do"" list includes a trip to the Mall of America. We need outfits for the ""Physical Fitness"" number --" Nothin' too showy! +Nothin' too showy! Y'betcha, Iris. We still need a third judge and we need to think of a theme. +Gladys -- Gladys! Look out! Oh, my! Hello, Father Donigan! Sidewalks, sidewalks? +Iris, stop! It's not his fault. The communal wine just proves too temptin' for some of them. That's why we Lutherans use grape Koolaid for the blood of Christ. +Oh, there's a parking space over there. Oh, no, that's just a compact. Sorry. You'd think they'd build the parking lot of America to go with the Mall of America! +It's a two-hundred dollar fine! I said I'd move if a cripple came. Let's just run in the store and pick out some outfits. +I said I'd move if a cripple came. Let's just run in the store and pick out some outfits. All right, let's go. +Oh! What is it? """Proud... to be... an... American.""" +Well, you know, I think everyone's doing really well considering the fact that she was so young. It's always hard to see the young ones called home, especially on an exploding thresher. It's just so odd and gross. +It's always hard to see the young ones called home, especially on an exploding thresher. It's just so odd and gross. You know that sometimes it's hard to understand God's great plan. +You know that sometimes it's hard to understand God's great plan. Yeah. +So, remember the three most important parts of a good interview... Okay, everybody, listen up! +Okay, everybody, listen up! Number one, American Teen Princess' don't cross their legs like streetwalkers. +Okay, I designed the float, you know. And, what's gonna happen here is that this is going to look like a glistening lake beneath the swan. Uh, Gladys? +Uh, Gladys? What! +What! We need more bars! +We need more bars! This is -- what? +This is -- what? Enid ate a whole pan! +Enid ate a whole pan! I swear to God she can't do anything by herself. +"Are we on ""Cops?"" Are we on ""Cops?"" Are we on ""Cops?""" Shut up, Hank. This here's business. +Ow, Harold -- Mom said not the head. Well, Mom's dead, so shut your fly trap. +Well, Mom's dead, so shut your fly trap. I will if you shut your piehole. +I will if you shut your piehole. Don't make me kick-ya where the good Lord split-ya. +Close up shop. Close up shop, Hank. Harold! +Harold! Close up shop! +EE-AAAYEEEE-AAAAYOUIAAAEEEEEEEE! Come on! Hankey here can't help it if he was born crazier than a shithouse rat! +Let's get this straight right now. We wouldn't have been late at all if it wasn't for you. I want to have the big bag of little donuts. +I want to have the big bag of little donuts. You get nothing, Hank, okay? +You get nothing, Hank, okay? I want to get the big bag of little donuts. +I want to get the big bag of little donuts. There's your paint can. The next time you drink window cleaner, I'm just gonna leave it in ya. +Excuse me, Father, Mother, when are we moving back to Tokyo? I can't stand this place anymore. They put butter on everything. English! English, you stupid little retard! We America now, Tina! +English! English, you stupid little retard! We America now, Tina! "I'm sorry, Dad, but with all due respect, my name isn't ""Tina,"" it's Seiko." +"I'm sorry, Dad, but with all due respect, my name isn't ""Tina,"" it's Seiko." Tina! Tina!! TINA!!! +Mom, I just finished the third movement of that concerto I was working on. I put, like, this techno beat on this Japanese folk tune -- wanna hear it? No! We not like to hear it! Go to your room and shut up! +No! We not like to hear it! Go to your room and shut up! Oh, I almost forgot... I got my acceptance to Tokyo University. +Oh, I almost forgot... I got my acceptance to Tokyo University. What, you deaf? I say shut up -- shut up -- SHUT UP! Cut her outta this! +From what I have been gathering, I think they think I should be king: I think they think I should be king! He should be king! +He should be king! And wear a crown and everything. +And wear a crown and everything. And everything. He should be king! +Of course you're All aware a king must have an heir some one to pass the family name along will some one tell me where I'd ever get an heir if a king can do no wrong The king can do no wrong! +The king can do no wrong! Suppose a pretty dame Into my castle came - And let us say that I was going strong. She might be stuck on me, but what good would it be, if the king can do no wrong. +Suppose a pretty dame Into my castle came - And let us say that I was going strong. She might be stuck on me, but what good would it be, if the king can do no wrong. The king can do to wrong! +The king can do to wrong! King Solomon was game he gave each Girl his name to number them would make a list that long I'll bet his thousand wives led miserable lives if the king can do no wrong. +King Solomon was game he gave each Girl his name to number them would make a list that long I'll bet his thousand wives led miserable lives if the king can do no wrong. We really think he should be king and wear a crown and everything. +We really think he should be king and wear a crown and everything. They think I should - They think I should - They think I should - They think I should be king. +Here I am, Father. Take a letter. +Take a letter. Who to? +Who to? The President of the United States. +My dear President... read it back... """My dear President""..." +"""My dear President""..." "That doesn't sound right... take out ""President""... now read it." +"That doesn't sound right... take out ""President""... now read it." """My dear""..." +"""My dear""..." "That's not right yet... put back ""President"" and take out ""dear""... How does it read now?" +"That's not right yet... put back ""President"" and take out ""dear""... How does it read now?" """My President""..." +"""My President""..." "There's still something wrong with it... take out ""President"" ...now what've you got?" +"There's still something wrong with it... take out ""President"" ...now what've you got?" """My""..." +"""My""..." "Now we're on the right track... Put back ""dear""... How does it read?" +"Now we're on the right track... Put back ""dear""... How does it read?" """My dear""..." +"""My dear""..." "You can't say that to the President... Put back ""President""... Now let's hear how sounds." +"You can't say that to the President... Put back ""President""... Now let's hear how sounds." """My dear President""..." +"""My dear President""..." That's what I wanted in the first place. Tear it up and send it airmail. +That's what I wanted in the first place. Tear it up and send it airmail. Is that all? +Is that all? Take another letter... to my tailor. +Dear Sir... enclosed find check for $100. Yours very truly... Send that immediately. I'll have to enclose the check first. +I'll have to enclose the check first. You do and I'll fire you. +Here I am, Father... Send for my car... +Send for my car... His Excellency's car! +Go out and chase that peanut vendor away from the building -- Get rid of him if you have to use violence - if necessary call out the militia and if he isn't looking get me a bag of peanuts. I've tried to chase him but it's no use - he won't go - +I've tried to chase him but it's no use - he won't go - He won't eh? - We'll see about that - send for your father immediately. +He won't eh? - We'll see about that - send for your father immediately. But you're my father - +But you're my father - Never mind then, I'll get in touch with him myself - +In case of fire, how long will it take to empty this place? About - thirty-four seconds. +About - thirty-four seconds. We'll start a fire -- -- and get rid of these microbes. +Father... Take a letter... +Who to? None of your business... Take another letter. +Eureka Ammunition Company -- Gentlemen -- Your shipment of sailor hats arrived this morning by freight -- Gloria, I could go for you in a big way -- However, the rifles you sent were a little rusty -- -- and I don't say that to everybody -- Have not received last month's drawing account. How come? Your neck is like a swan... Yours very truly. Now read it back. Eureka Ammunition Company, Gentlemen. Your shipment of sailor hats arrived this morning by freight. Gloria, I could go for you in a big way. However, the rifles you sent were a little rusty and I don't say that to everybody. Have not received last month's drawing account; how come your neck is like a swan. Yours very truly... +Eureka Ammunition Company, Gentlemen. Your shipment of sailor hats arrived this morning by freight. Gloria, I could go for you in a big way. However, the rifles you sent were a little rusty and I don't say that to everybody. Have not received last month's drawing account; how come your neck is like a swan. Yours very truly... They'll know I mean business then they get that letter... see that that gets out immediately and that goes for you too. +They'll know I mean business then they get that letter... see that that gets out immediately and that goes for you too. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Gloria, much as I hate to leave, I'd be crazy to stay here. +I wonder what's keeping His Excellency? Never mind His Excellency -- you gotta your pocketbook? +Never mind His Excellency -- you gotta your pocketbook? Yes -- why? +Yes -- why? I wanna powder my nose... +In her dressing room? Why, what could he be doing there? He could be playing solitaire, but I don't think so. +What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? +What's the matter with you? You haven't been still a moment since you've been here. You act as if you had neurosis -- +You haven't been still a moment since you've been here. You act as if you had neurosis -- I no gotta new-rosis. My uncle he's- a got a flower shop -- he's-a gotta new-rosis. +Hey you!! All right - +Have you got a license? No, but my dog he's a got millions of them -- +No, but my dog he's a got millions of them -- What kind of a dog is he? +What kind of a dog is he? He used to be a bloodhound but he's anemic -- +He used to be a bloodhound but he's anemic -- Well - what is he now? +Well - what is he now? He's half poodle and half watch dog - +He's half poodle and half watch dog - Half watch dog? +Half watch dog? Yeh, he's only got one eye. +Yeh, he's only got one eye. I don't know much about dogs but you ought to be on the end of a leash - a ninety-nine year leash - Look - what do you call your dog? +I don't know much about dogs but you ought to be on the end of a leash - a ninety-nine year leash - Look - what do you call your dog? I don't call him, I whistle. +I don't call him, I whistle. What do you whistle? +What do you whistle? Yankee Poodle. +Yankee Poodle. I've got just the place for a man like you but I'm too busy right now to do any digging. What do you call your dog when you want him? +I've got just the place for a man like you but I'm too busy right now to do any digging. What do you call your dog when you want him? I don't want him. +I don't want him. Well, if you don't want your dog why don't you put him in a pound? +Well, if you don't want your dog why don't you put him in a pound? He only weighs ten ounces -- +He only weighs ten ounces -- I can use you in the House of Representatives. We need a man who understands dogs -- and that's where this country is going to. Step inside. +That was for you. "I'm sorry I'm not in. I wanted to have a long talk with you... Now look here, my good man, you've got to stop yelling ""peanuts"" in front of the House of Representatives." +"I'm sorry I'm not in. I wanted to have a long talk with you... Now look here, my good man, you've got to stop yelling ""peanuts"" in front of the House of Representatives." Oh no, I can't do it. +Oh no, I can't do it. You don't want to be a public nuisance, do you? +You don't want to be a public nuisance, do you? Sure. How much does the job pay? Sure, if there's a chance for advancement. +Sure. How much does the job pay? Sure, if there's a chance for advancement. You wouldn't consider going over Niagara Falls without a barrel? +You wouldn't consider going over Niagara Falls without a barrel? 'At's-a no good. I went to Niagara Falls once. +'At's-a no good. I went to Niagara Falls once. Did you shoot the rapids? +Did you shoot the rapids? No, but I shot some ducks. +No, but I shot some ducks. If there was an open season for fellows like you, I'd get myself a hunting license. Anyway, I'm going to make you a sporting proposition. You give up the peanut stand and I'll make you vice-president of the country. +If there was an open season for fellows like you, I'd get myself a hunting license. Anyway, I'm going to make you a sporting proposition. You give up the peanut stand and I'll make you vice-president of the country. Oh, no -- nothing doing. I had a brother who was a vice-president once and that's the last we ever heard of him. +Oh, no -- nothing doing. I had a brother who was a vice-president once and that's the last we ever heard of him. Well, maybe he's still the vice- president. Now if I were to offer you -- +Hello... Yes... No, not yet... All right... Goodbye. That was for you again. He wants you to call him up as soon as you get back. I don't know what's keeping me. I should've been here a long time ago. Now how about my proposition? +I don't know what's keeping me. I should've been here a long time ago. Now how about my proposition? What other job you got? +What other job you got? Let's see -- What've I got in my cabinet besides mice -- I've got it -- how would you like to be Secretary of the Interior? +Let's see -- What've I got in my cabinet besides mice -- I've got it -- how would you like to be Secretary of the Interior? That's no good. I like to work on the outside. I must have something easy. +That's no good. I like to work on the outside. I must have something easy. Then you don't wanna work hard? +Then you don't wanna work hard? I don't wanna work at all. +I don't wanna work at all. In that case you'll have to take a civil service examination -- if you pass I'll put you in the post-office -- stick out your tongue. +In that case you'll have to take a civil service examination -- if you pass I'll put you in the post-office -- stick out your tongue. I don't wanna stick out my tongue. +I don't wanna stick out my tongue. Well, if you wanna work in the post- office you'll have to stick out your tongue. +Well, if you wanna work in the post- office you'll have to stick out your tongue. Look, I'm a very nervous man. I gotta have a job where I come to work at eleven -- go to lunch at twelve -- and quit at one. And twice a year I gotta have a six month vacation. +Look, I'm a very nervous man. I gotta have a job where I come to work at eleven -- go to lunch at twelve -- and quit at one. And twice a year I gotta have a six month vacation. I've got just the job for you -- Secretary of War. +I've got just the job for you -- Secretary of War. 'At's-a fine. +You know, I'd be lost without a telephone. Now - where were we? Oh, yes - I just made you Secretary of War. The first thing you do is buy ammunition -- you buy it from me and I get 10% commission. What do I get? +What do I get? You get half mine and I get half yours. +You get half mine and I get half yours. I don't want to buy ammunition -- we no gotta war. +I don't want to buy ammunition -- we no gotta war. Then we've gotta start one. Do you know how to start a war? +Then we've gotta start one. Do you know how to start a war? Sure, that's easy. You gotta insult somebody. +My card. That's a-no good. You gotta insult somebody from another country. Look -- I come from one country. You come from another country. I say something you don't like. You say something I don't like - and I'm insulted. +That's a-no good. You gotta insult somebody from another country. Look -- I come from one country. You come from another country. I say something you don't like. You say something I don't like - and I'm insulted. Why wasn't I insulted? +Why wasn't I insulted? You was insulted, but you don't know it. +You was insulted, but you don't know it. Then I demand an apology! +Then I demand an apology! That's a-no good. If I apologize we no got a war. Look -- I send you a scrap of paper. You send me a scrap of paper -- and we have a scrap. +That's a-no good. If I apologize we no got a war. Look -- I send you a scrap of paper. You send me a scrap of paper -- and we have a scrap. You've got a brain after all - and how you get along without it is amazing to me -- Now, who can I insult?... Who do we owe money to?... AMBASSADOR TRENTINO! How about him? +You've got a brain after all - and how you get along without it is amazing to me -- Now, who can I insult?... Who do we owe money to?... AMBASSADOR TRENTINO! How about him? He's-a very easy to insult -- I say something to his niece once, and he slapped my face. +He's-a very easy to insult -- I say something to his niece once, and he slapped my face. Why didn't his niece slap your face? +Why didn't his niece slap your face? She did. +She did. What did you say to her? +You're lucky I don't slap your face -- you oughtta be ashamed of yourself. Where did you hear that story? You told it to me. +You told it to me. Oh, yes, I remember -- and I should have slapped Mrs. Teasdale's face when she told it to me... I'm going right out and find Trentino. You go right out and get yourself an army. +Wait a minute. What kind of an army do you think we oughtta have? I think we oughtta have a standing army, so we can save money on chairs. +Send in the next girl. By the way, are you sure we need a spy? +By the way, are you sure we need a spy? Sure, we gotta have a spy. If we no got a spy who's gonna tell the other side what we're doing? +"I'm glad I didn't ask you for ""Washington Crossing the Delaware""." We've gotta have somebody who knows how to get secrets from men. You know how to make love? +He's going to make a good spy... that's not bad for the first day. That's not bad for any day. +You're right about that guy -- I think we've got something. I don't know about us, but I know he's-a got something... +You no gotta no gun. Who said I had a gun... Gimme those plans, you paper snatchers -- +Late again, eh? You haven't been on time once since this war started... Get out there and fight... I can't do it... +I can't do it... Why not? You're the Secretary of War, aren't you? +Why not? You're the Secretary of War, aren't you? Yes, but I'm not working for you any more. I'm on the other side. +Yes, but I'm not working for you any more. I'm on the other side. Is that so? I used to think you were two-faced - but you can't be - or you wouldn't be wearing that one. Now - let's talk this thing over. +Now -- how many men you got in your army? Well, we gotta one hundred thousand men. +Well, we gotta one hundred thousand men. That's not fair -- we've only got fifty thousand. +That's not fair -- we've only got fifty thousand. That's all right. We let you have twenty-five thousand men -- and we both start even. +That's all right. We let you have twenty-five thousand men -- and we both start even. That's the spirit -- fifty-fifty. +That's the spirit -- fifty-fifty. No. Seventy-five -- seventy-five. +No. Seventy-five -- seventy-five. Well, we'll let that one go. Now -- how many battalions you got? +Well, we'll let that one go. Now -- how many battalions you got? We gotta two battalions and one Frenchman. +We gotta two battalions and one Frenchman. I wish you were still working for me, so I could ask you to resign. How're ya fixed for cavalry? +I wish you were still working for me, so I could ask you to resign. How're ya fixed for cavalry? I've gotta five thousand men but no horses. +I've gotta five thousand men but no horses. That's funny, we've got five thousand horses but no men. +That's funny, we've got five thousand horses but no men. That's all right -- our men can ride your horses. +That's all right -- our men can ride your horses. Not a bad idea. If our horses get tired they can ride your men for a change. Now, I don't mind letting you have our horses, but you must promise to put them through their maneuvers. +Not a bad idea. If our horses get tired they can ride your men for a change. Now, I don't mind letting you have our horses, but you must promise to put them through their maneuvers. Oh, sure. We have horse maneuvers every morning. +With a gun like that you can kill some of your own men. That's-a pretty good. I'll take a dozen of them. +That's-a pretty good. I'll take a dozen of them. Anything else? +Anything else? Yes, one gross of bullets, two dozen hand-grenades, three kegs of powder -- and throw in some matches. +Yes, one gross of bullets, two dozen hand-grenades, three kegs of powder -- and throw in some matches. Fine. We'll throw in the matches before we make the delivery. By the way, how're you fixed for spys? +Fine. We'll throw in the matches before we make the delivery. By the way, how're you fixed for spys? Fine. We gotta him. +Fine. We gotta him. So! -- He's on your side, too. +So! -- He's on your side, too. Sure. +Sure. Well, with you two fellows on the other side, this country should have no trouble keeping the wolf from the door. +How'm I doing, boss? Fine - keep on yelling - Do everything you can to disturb Firefly - Now what about your cousin? +Fine - keep on yelling - Do everything you can to disturb Firefly - Now what about your cousin? He's working very hard - I got him a job driving Firefly's car - He's-a driving him crazy and I'm driving him nuts - P-E-A-N-U-T-S +Chicolini, you've come just in time. We need a man who's fearless, brave. A man who's willing to die, if necessary. All right -- I'll go out and find one. +All right -- I'll go out and find one. Firefly must be captured at any cost. +Firefly must be captured at any cost. That's easy, I'll get him for you wholesale. +That's easy, I'll get him for you wholesale. It must be done right away. +It must be done right away. I can't do it right away. +We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke HAIL, HAIL, FREEDONIA If chewing gum is chewed, The chewer is pursued And in the hoosegow hidden... +If chewing gum is chewed, The chewer is pursued And in the hoosegow hidden... If we should choose to chew, we'll be pursued - +If we should choose to chew, we'll be pursued - If any form of pleasure is exhibited Report to me and it will be prohibited. I'll put my foot down; So shall it be - This is the land of the free. The last man nearly ruined this place He didn't know what to do with it. If you think this country's bad off now Just wait 'till I get through with it. The treasury is low on dough; The last man went and flew with it. If you think we're short of money now Just wait 'till I get through with it. The country's taxes must be fixed - And I know what to do with it, If you think you're paying too much now, Just wait 'till I get through with it. +I will not stand for anything that's crooked or unfair; I'm strictly on the up and up, So everyone beware. If anyone's caught taking graft And I don't get my share, we'll stand 'em up against the wall - and pop goes the weasel! So everyone beware Who's crooked or unfair; No one must take a bit of graft Unless he gets his share. +So everyone beware Who's crooked or unfair; No one must take a bit of graft Unless he gets his share. If any man should come between A husband and his bride, We find out which one she prefers By letting her decide. If she prefers the other man, The husband steps outside; We stand him up against the wall And Pop goes the Weasel! +If any man should come between A husband and his bride, We find out which one she prefers By letting her decide. If she prefers the other man, The husband steps outside; We stand him up against the wall And Pop goes the Weasel! The husband steps outside; Relinquishes his bride; We stand him up against the wall And take him for a ride. +The husband steps outside; Relinquishes his bride; We stand him up against the wall And take him for a ride. The population must increase With great rapidity. We give a couple seven years To raise a family. If, by that time, there is no branch Upon the family tree, we stand 'em up against the wall - and Pop goes the Weasel. +Your Excellency, please don't think me silly, but I'd love to have a picture of you. I want to hang it in my bedroom. You couldn't hang me in your bedroom -- I'll make a note of it. Where's my secretary? +You keep that up and you'll crab the whole war. Carry out this tragic folly if you will -- But I for one will not be a part of it. I will stay here in Freedonia. +Oh, Your Excellency, isn't there something I can do? Yes, but I'll talk to you about that when we're alone... +I shall dance for you tonight as I've never danced before. This is a fine thing to be doing at my age. +This is a fine thing to be doing at my age. Are you getting tired? +Are you getting tired? Not at all. When I was a boy back on the farm I used to pump my own water. +Are you sure you're not tired? Tired! I'd like to stretch this into a week - +That's even a greater honor. I bring you the greetings of my President and the good will of my people. +I bring you the greetings of my President and the good will of my people. I'll keep the greetings -- but you can send back the good will... what we need right now is twenty million dollars. +I'll keep the greetings -- but you can send back the good will... what we need right now is twenty million dollars. Twenty million dollars is a considerable sum... I'll have to discuss that with my Minister of Finance. +Twenty million dollars is a considerable sum... I'll have to discuss that with my Minister of Finance. Well, in the meantime, could you let me have $50 personally? +Well, in the meantime, could you let me have $50 personally? $50? +$50? I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you Mrs. Teasdale as security. or my jackknife. If you want my advice, you'll take the jackknife... I've a better proposition... Make it $25 and I'll give you a first mortgage on my son and I hope you foreclose. +I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you Mrs. Teasdale as security. or my jackknife. If you want my advice, you'll take the jackknife... I've a better proposition... Make it $25 and I'll give you a first mortgage on my son and I hope you foreclose. Your Excellency, haven't we met before? +Your Excellency, haven't we met before? Why yes. I met you at the dog races -- say, you could have won that race if you tried a little harder. +Excellency, may I present my niece. Go ahead. +Go ahead. You don't understand. This is my niece Vera. +You don't understand. This is my niece Vera. And Vera niece, too. +When you get through with her feet, you can start on mine. I haven't been to a chiropodist in two years... If that's not an insult, I don't know what is. Gloria, I love you. I -- Can't we go some place where we can be alone? +Can't we go some place where we can be alone? What can this mug offer you? Wealth and family. I can't give you wealth... ...but we can have a little family of our own. +This has gone far enough! This interruption is humiliating, to say the least... Well, why not say the least and get it over with? +That's what you think. You swine! +You swine! Give me that again! +Give me that again! You worm! +You worm! Once more! +Once more! You upstart! +You upstart! That's it! No man lives who can call a Firefly an upstart. +Then it's war? Yes. +Yes. How're ya fixed for ammunition? +How're ya fixed for ammunition? Bah!! +Bah!! THEN IT'S WAR! +I'm sorry we lost our tempers... I'm willing to forget if you are. Forget? You ask me to forget... Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves... and I'd only have to bury them again... A Firefly never forgets... +Forget? You ask me to forget... Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves... and I'd only have to bury them again... A Firefly never forgets... I am willing to apologize... I'm willing to do anything to prevent this war. +I am willing to apologize... I'm willing to do anything to prevent this war. Nothing doing!! I've taken a lease on the battlefield. I'd lose my deposit, besides, I've already ordered the ammunition... +What I called you... Why, what did I call you? I don't remember. +I don't remember. Oh -- you mean... worm? +Oh -- you mean... worm? No, that wasn't it... +No, that wasn't it... Was it -- swine? +Was it -- swine? No... it was a seven letter word. +No... it was a seven letter word. Oh yes! -- UPSTART! +Oh yes! -- UPSTART! That's it... +Why - er - Mrs. Teasdale - this is an outrage! This man is impossible... My course is clear... this means war... You RUNT! I still like UPSTART the best. +What'll I do with this card? You can keep it -- I've got a whole pack... Now what were you saying? +In choosing you, I feel that I serve my country well. I heartily endorse everything you stand for. "Well, I won't stand for much. And I won't stand for you if you don't show some improvement soon. Look at your report card last month -- ""D"" in spelling... six in behavior. Now who were the six? A fine state of affairs -- no wonder you can't matriculate, now what were you saying?" +"Well, I won't stand for much. And I won't stand for you if you don't show some improvement soon. Look at your report card last month -- ""D"" in spelling... six in behavior. Now who were the six? A fine state of affairs -- no wonder you can't matriculate, now what were you saying?" The future of Freedonia rests upon you. Promise me you will follow in my husband's footsteps. +The future of Freedonia rests upon you. Promise me you will follow in my husband's footsteps. I haven't been on the job five minutes and already she's making advances to me. Not that I care -- but where is your husband? +I haven't been on the job five minutes and already she's making advances to me. Not that I care -- but where is your husband? Why - er -- my husband passed away... I was with him to the very end. +Why - er -- my husband passed away... I was with him to the very end. No wonder he passed away. I'd like to be with you to the very end. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you -- I love you. +No wonder he passed away. I'd like to be with you to the very end. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you -- I love you. Your Excellency! +Your Excellency! You're not so bad yourself, Mrs. Teasdale, when I look at you I can see that we're facing a crisis. We've got to balance the budget -- we've got to cut down everything including, you. +Your Excellency, the eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every land are gathered here in your honor -- This is a gala day for us. Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I couldn't handle any more. +Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I couldn't handle any more. If it's not asking too much -- For our information just for illustration Tell us how you intend to run the nation. +If it's not asking too much -- For our information just for illustration Tell us how you intend to run the nation. These are the laws of my administration: No one's allowed to smoke or tell a dirty joke -- And whistling is forbidden... +You've made a wonderful impression. Your views are liberal... It is easy to see you have an open mind. That's what I get for dressing in a hurry. +That's what I get for dressing in a hurry. Your Excellency, you mustn't forget your appointment at the House of Representatives... Have you got your speech ready? +Your Excellency, you mustn't forget your appointment at the House of Representatives... Have you got your speech ready? I wrote a speech last night that'll knock them off their seats... Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation -- +I wrote a speech last night that'll knock them off their seats... Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation -- Why, that's the speech that Lincoln made at Gettysburg... +Why, that's the speech that Lincoln made at Gettysburg... He did?... I told my son not to leave it laying around... Where is son? +Oh, Rufus! All I can offer you is a Rufus over your head. +All I can offer you is a Rufus over your head. Oh, Your Excellency, I don't know what to say. +Oh, Your Excellency, I don't know what to say. I wouldn't know what to say either if I was in your place. Maybe you can suggest something. +So -- you've come to ask for clemency! I'll give the enemy no quarter -- not a dime... But Your Excellency -- the Ambassador is here on a friendly visit... He came to ask you to patch up the breach. +But Your Excellency -- the Ambassador is here on a friendly visit... He came to ask you to patch up the breach. Let him patch up his own breeches... +Oh, won't you reconsider... Well, maybe I am a little headstrong... But, you know, it's awfully hard to forget what he called me. +Guard them with your life... don't leave them out of your sight... If the enemy gets those papers we're lost. If they don't get them, we're lost. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you... Mrs. Teasdale, you're the salt of the earth. They don't come any better than you... Now -- er -- +Now -- er -- Well -- they might come better but they don't come any bigger... and the bigger the better. The bigger the betta you've got on a horse, the more you lose, and speaking about horses, why don't you marry me. Come, come -- say yes and you'll never see me again. I'll go 'way if it means your happiness... +Well -- they might come better but they don't come any bigger... and the bigger the better. The bigger the betta you've got on a horse, the more you lose, and speaking about horses, why don't you marry me. Come, come -- say yes and you'll never see me again. I'll go 'way if it means your happiness... Oh, your Excellency, you take me off my feet. +Gloria -- may I call you Gloria? Why -- why -- of course. +Why -- why -- of course. You can call me Gloria too. Gloria -- what a beautiful name. When I was born my mother named me Gloria -- two minutes later she found out her mistake... +I hope I'm not interrupting. Take a seat -- you're next. +Take a seat -- you're next. Your Excellency, something terrible has just happened. +Your Excellency, something terrible has just happened. That's all right. I'll fix you right up. +My purse has been stolen -- the plans of war are in it. WHAT ? +I -- I may be wrong, but I suspect the Secretary of War. Don't bother me - I'm thinking -- What was that? +Don't bother me - I'm thinking -- What was that? I said - I suspect the Secretary of War. +I said - I suspect the Secretary of War. THIS IS TREASON!! What a fool I was to listen to your siren song and fall a helpless victim under the insidious spell of your irresistible charms -- +THIS IS TREASON!! What a fool I was to listen to your siren song and fall a helpless victim under the insidious spell of your irresistible charms -- But - +But - You satisfied your selfish whims, while nations tottered, dynasties rocked and the world plunged headlong into a chasm of chaos and oblivion -- Not bad, eh? +You know I think they think I should be king. Although it would please me to govern the throng, suppose I were king and then everything went wrong. The king can do no wrong! +Your uncle has been such a friend to us in every crisis. Without his country's financial aid -- What is money? Mrs. Teasdale, for you -- I would do anything. +What is money? Mrs. Teasdale, for you -- I would do anything. Ambassador! I am so anxious for you to meet our new dictator. +Ambassador! I am so anxious for you to meet our new dictator. Mrs. Teasdale -- no matter who rules Freedonia, to me you will always be the first lady of the land. +...but would further cement the relations of our countries. Ambassador Trentino, I am indeed honored... But you see - well - I -- +Ambassador Trentino, I am indeed honored... But you see - well - I -- Oh. Then there his somebody else? +Oh. Then there his somebody else? Well no -- not exactly -- but -- +Well no -- not exactly -- but -- Gloria -- I've waited for years. I won't be put off! I love you! I want you! Can't you see that I'm at your feet? +Gentlemen! Gentlemen! I didn't come here to be insulted. +I shall report this indignity the my President. Mrs. Teasdale, I feel this regrettable occurrence will plunge our countries into war. This is terrible! +Mrs. Teasdale, I'm willing to pocket my pride and do anything I can to make up with his Excellency. Oh, would you...? +Oh, would you...? For you, I would do anything... +So that's the one you want to marry. With Mrs. Teasdale as my wife and Freedonia under my control -- +With Mrs. Teasdale as my wife and Freedonia under my control -- Maybe it's not going to be so easy. From what I've heard, Mrs. Teasdale is rather sweet on this Rufus T. Firefly. +Maybe it's not going to be so easy. From what I've heard, Mrs. Teasdale is rather sweet on this Rufus T. Firefly. That's where you come in. I'll leave him in your hands, and don't forget you're supposed to be my niece. +Uncle, you can't do this! My dear niece -- I must ask you not to interfere. War is not a woman's problem. +My dear niece -- I must ask you not to interfere. War is not a woman's problem. It is every woman's problem. Who supplies the sons? -- the brothers? -- the husbands? Who... +This is all Firefly's fault -- that idiot, that fool... I thought everything was working out fine. +I thought everything was working out fine. Fine nothing! I didn't want war... My plan was to marry Mrs. Teasdale and overthrow Firefly. +Fine nothing! I didn't want war... My plan was to marry Mrs. Teasdale and overthrow Firefly. Maybe you can still win the old dame over -- why not try to -- +If only we can get his Excellency to listen to reason... Perhaps he will listen to you... +Mr. Merrick, sugar? Yes please, two. +Yes please, two. One or two? +One or two? Two, please. +Oh yes. You have so many nice things, and so much room. Oh? +And here is one of Frederick's mother. How lovely. +They have noble faces. I've always thought that myself. +I've always thought that myself. Oh, yes. +Oh... why Mr. Merrick she's beautiful. She has the face of an angel... She was an angel. She was so kind... so kind to me. It's not her fault, for in the fourth month of her maternal condition she was knocked down by an elephant. I'm sure I must have been a great disappointment to her. +She has the face of an angel... She was an angel. She was so kind... so kind to me. It's not her fault, for in the fourth month of her maternal condition she was knocked down by an elephant. I'm sure I must have been a great disappointment to her. Oh no, Mr. Merrick. No. No son as loving as you are could ever be a disappointment. +Oh no, Mr. Merrick. No. No son as loving as you are could ever be a disappointment. If only I could find her. If only she could see me now, here, with such lovely kind friends. You, Mrs. Treves, and you, Mr. Treves. Then maybe she would love me as I am. I've tried to hard to be good. +You won't be long? I'll join you shortly. +Did it go well, darling? Yes, very well, I think. Are the girls in bed? +Yes, very well, I think. Are the girls in bed? Yes, and they send their kisses. Would you like your sherry now? +Yes, and they send their kisses. Would you like your sherry now? No, I think a whiskey. +Freddie?... Freddie, don't look so discouraged. I shouldn't be. We made great progress today. I taught him to repeat a few basic phrases. He did rather well, too, but I had to lead him every step of the way. Though frankly, at times I was unsure of who was leading whom. +I shouldn't be. We made great progress today. I taught him to repeat a few basic phrases. He did rather well, too, but I had to lead him every step of the way. Though frankly, at times I was unsure of who was leading whom. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Well, I wasn't sure whether he was parroting me because that's all he was capable of, or whether he sensed that that's all I wanted to hear, and he was trying to please me. +Well, I wasn't sure whether he was parroting me because that's all he was capable of, or whether he sensed that that's all I wanted to hear, and he was trying to please me. But I thought you said that he was rather... simple? +But I thought you said that he was rather... simple? He is. I mean, I've always thought he was. I think he must be. Is he simple? Or is that just something I've wished upon him to make things simpler for myself? +Frederick, why are you so interested in this particular case? I don't know. I can't explain it. If this is an intelligent man, trapped in the body of a monster, then I'm under a moral obligation to help free that mind, free that spirit as best I can, to help him live as full and content a life as possible. But! If he's an imbecile, who's body I can't treat and who's mind I can't touch, well, then my obligation is discharged. They can put him where they will; he won't be bothered, I won't be bothered, and everyone's conscience can remain free and untroubled. And that is my dilemma... what is in his mind? +Perhaps you're just polishing a stone, endowing this Elephant Man with qualities he doesn't possess? And what qualities are those? Intelligence or stupidity? +And what qualities are those? Intelligence or stupidity? I'm sure I don't know, Freddie. +I'm sorry... I don't know either. I just don't know. Well, these things take time. +Well, these things take time. I've only got until two o'clock tomorrow afternoon, when Carr Gomm meets him. Somehow, between now and then I've got to make John Merrick at least seem like an intelligent man... Why am I fooling myself? Nothing short of John delivering the Sermon on the Mount is going to sway Carr Gomm... +John loves the house. Do you? +Yes. And here are my mother and father. +You stay with me. Dinner will be served, shortly, dear. +More romances for John? Hmmm? +Hmmm? ...Freddie! What's the matter? You've been like this all evening. +...Freddie! What's the matter? You've been like this all evening. Oh... I've just been thinking about something that man Bytes said. +Oh... I've just been thinking about something that man Bytes said. Oh, Freddie. What could that wretched vampire say to upset you? +Oh, Freddie. What could that wretched vampire say to upset you? That I am very little different from him. +That I am very little different from him. Oh that's absurd, Frederick. No, no Frederick, that's all wrong! John is happier and more fulfilled now than he has ever been in his entire life. And, that is completely due to you. +Oh that's absurd, Frederick. No, no Frederick, that's all wrong! John is happier and more fulfilled now than he has ever been in his entire life. And, that is completely due to you. But why did I do it? What was this all for? So John Merrick could live out his last days in peace and comfort? Or so I could become famous? +But why did I do it? What was this all for? So John Merrick could live out his last days in peace and comfort? Or so I could become famous? Frederick, just what is it that you are saying? +Frederick, just what is it that you are saying? ...Am I a good man or am I a bad man? +...Am I a good man or am I a bad man? Oh Frederick. +Excuse me, Mr. Treves, sir. Yes? +Yes? I found it. +I found it. Did you see it? +Our man is sick. Come right away. What is it? +What is it? Like this. +Like this. I'll get my bag. +You sly bastard. You're doing this to spite me, aren't you! Aw, Bytes, he's sick. +Aw, Bytes, he's sick. He's doing it to spite me, I tell you, and it's got to stop! +He's doing it to spite me, I tell you, and it's got to stop! He's sick, Bytes. He's going to die. +He's sick, Bytes. He's going to die. If he does it's his own fault! But I'm not burying that swollen bag of flesh. +What are you going to do? I'll show you! I'll show you! +Don't! Shut up! +What did you do to him? He's been like this all night! What do you mean? +What do you mean? He was fine when he left here, and now look at him. +He was fine when he left here, and now look at him. I intend to. +What happened? He fell. He falls. +He fell. He falls. He must have taken quite a fall. +He's a clumsy git. Never watches where he is going. Why is he sitting up like this? He needs rest. +Why is he sitting up like this? He needs rest. That's the way he sleeps. If he lays down, he'll die. Head's too heavy. +This man belongs in hospital. Can't you fix him up here? ...He's my livelihood. Listen. +Can't you fix him up here? ...He's my livelihood. Listen. "You listen, you're not going to have much of a livelihood if this man dies. He's got the rale, he's very weak, and I don't know how much damage has been done by his ""fall"". Now stop wasting time and fetch a cab." +I like doing business with you. You and I understand each other, completely. I know I can trust you. Can't I? Everything will be seen to. +I want my man back. Just a moment, how did you get in here? +Just a moment, how did you get in here? Never mind that, I want my man! +Never mind that, I want my man! He's still very sick. Please come downstairs with me. I'll explain the situation. +He's still very sick. Please come downstairs with me. I'll explain the situation. DON'T... Don't muck me about. You've had plenty of time to fix him up, and he's leaving with me, NOW. Do you understand me? Now, Mr. Treves. We had a bargain! +DON'T... Don't muck me about. You've had plenty of time to fix him up, and he's leaving with me, NOW. Do you understand me? Now, Mr. Treves. We had a bargain! You misunderstood. This man suffered a severe fall, if you take my meaning. He's my patient now and I must do what... +You misunderstood. This man suffered a severe fall, if you take my meaning. He's my patient now and I must do what... Pull the other one, why don't you! We made a deal! +Pull the other one, why don't you! We made a deal! I know what you've done to him and he's never going back to that. +I know what you've done to him and he's never going back to that. He's a freak! That's how they live. We're partners, him and I, business partners. You're willfully deprivin' me of my livlihood! +He's a freak! That's how they live. We're partners, him and I, business partners. You're willfully deprivin' me of my livlihood! All you do is profit from another man's misery! +All you do is profit from another man's misery! You think you're better 'n me? YOU wanted the freak to show all your doctor chums and make a name for yourself, you guv. So I gave him to you. On trust, in the name of science! And now I want him back. +You think you're better 'n me? YOU wanted the freak to show all your doctor chums and make a name for yourself, you guv. So I gave him to you. On trust, in the name of science! And now I want him back. You don't own this man! +You don't own this man! I want him back! +I want him back! So you can beat him? So you can starve him? A dog in the street would fare better with you! +So you can beat him? So you can starve him? A dog in the street would fare better with you! I've got my rights, damn you, and I'm going to the authorities! +Now I think we really do understand one another. Right... Right. +Good morning, Treves. Good morning, sir. +Good morning, sir. You've acquired a taste for this? +You've acquired a taste for this? It's quite nutritious, sir. +It's quite nutritious, sir. Don't be mad. This muck can kill you. +Don't be frightened. He won't hurt you. Indeed! +A hospital is no place for secrecy, Mr. Treves. Doctors spiriting hooded figures about are liable to cause comment. Why wasn't this patient properly admitted, and why is he in isolation? Is he contagious? No sir, he's got bronchitis and he's been badly beaten. +No sir, he's got bronchitis and he's been badly beaten. Why isn't he in the General Ward, then? +Why isn't he in the General Ward, then? Well sir, he's quite seriously deformed, and I fear the other patients would find him... rather shocking. +Well sir, he's quite seriously deformed, and I fear the other patients would find him... rather shocking. Deformed? Is that it. Then am I to assume that he is ultimately incurable? +Deformed? Is that it. Then am I to assume that he is ultimately incurable? Yes sir. +Yes sir. What are your plans then, Treves... You are aware that the London does not accept incurables. The rules are quite clear on that point. +What are your plans then, Treves... You are aware that the London does not accept incurables. The rules are quite clear on that point. Yes, I'm well aware of that. But this case is quite exceptional. +Yes, I'm well aware of that. But this case is quite exceptional. Oh, is he a friend of yours? +Oh, is he a friend of yours? No, more of an acquaintance. +I certainly sympathize with your problem, Treves... Why don't you try the British Home, or the Royal Hospital for perhaps they would have a place for him. Yes sir, I'll look into that. Would you like to meet him sir? +Have you contacted the British Home and the Royal Hospital? Ah, no sir. I had planned to see them in the morning. +Ah, no sir. I had planned to see them in the morning. Good! How is the patient? +Good! How is the patient? He's doing very well. In fact that's why I came to see you. I think that if I were to present Mr. Merrick to the hospital committee, then they would have a chance to see for themselves not only the extraordinary nature of the disease, but of the man as well. If the committee had a chance to speak with him, hear him say a few words for himself, I'm sure they would see him as a patient, rather than as a violation of the rules. +He's doing very well. In fact that's why I came to see you. I think that if I were to present Mr. Merrick to the hospital committee, then they would have a chance to see for themselves not only the extraordinary nature of the disease, but of the man as well. If the committee had a chance to speak with him, hear him say a few words for himself, I'm sure they would see him as a patient, rather than as a violation of the rules. A few words? I thought he was imbecile? +A few words? I thought he was imbecile? Well sir, perhaps I should explain... +Well sir, perhaps I should explain... I really don't think that's necessary Treves. I'm quite sure the committee will be able to make an equitable decision on the merits of the case, such as they are. +I really don't think that's necessary Treves. I'm quite sure the committee will be able to make an equitable decision on the merits of the case, such as they are. I don't agree. No one can make a reasonable decision about this man's future without at least meeting him. No doctor would presume to diagnose a patient he had never met. +I don't agree. No one can make a reasonable decision about this man's future without at least meeting him. No doctor would presume to diagnose a patient he had never met. "No, Treves, it's out of the question. Now if it was up to me, I'd say ""Certainly, let's meet the fellow, by all means,"" I'm sorry, I simply can't speak for the other members of the committee." +"No, Treves, it's out of the question. Now if it was up to me, I'd say ""Certainly, let's meet the fellow, by all means,"" I'm sorry, I simply can't speak for the other members of the committee." Then will you meet him, as a representative of the committee. +Then will you meet him, as a representative of the committee. Mr. Treves, it's out of the question. I want to hear as soon as possible what the other hospitals can do. I'm sorry. +Singularly unpleasant chap... uh... I don't suppose there would be any harm in my meeting your... patient, Mr. Treves. Thank you very much Sir. Shall we say in a few days then? +Thank you very much Sir. Shall we say in a few days then? Shall we say two o'clock tomorrow afternoon? +Shall we say two o'clock tomorrow afternoon? Wh... whatever is most convenient for you, sir. +Wh... whatever is most convenient for you, sir. Two o'clock then... you know Treves... It seems this acquaintance of yours has become rather more than just an acquaintance. +Two o'clock then... you know Treves... It seems this acquaintance of yours has become rather more than just an acquaintance. ...Yes, Sir. +It's only a physical problem. He has trouble with certain sounds because of the constrictive deformity of the mouth. But he can talk, and has a great eagerness to make contact with people who will let him. So if you have any difficulty understanding what he is saying, just tell me and I'll make it clear. Speaking is one thing, Treves, but can the man comprehend? +...As I said, it's only a physical problem... but I do feel that Mr. Merrick is very flattered that you're taking the time and trouble to meet him, and he's most anxious to make a good impression, so he might seem rather nervous. He needn't. I have no desire to cause him any discomfort. Did you make those inquiries we spoke about? +He needn't. I have no desire to cause him any discomfort. Did you make those inquiries we spoke about? Yes, I spoke to both the British Home and Royal Hospital for Incurables. I'm afraid that they weren't very encouraging, but they said they'd bring it up at their next committee meeting, so we should have their answers shortly. +Yes, I spoke to both the British Home and Royal Hospital for Incurables. I'm afraid that they weren't very encouraging, but they said they'd bring it up at their next committee meeting, so we should have their answers shortly. Fine, fine. You know, your dedication to this patient is an inspiring thing, Treves. But you must remember that this is a hospital, and there are many patients here. Patients who can be made well, and you owe them your first consideration. Just don't become so obsessed, old man, that you begin to neglect them. +Oh yes? And what was that, John? +It was a nice try, Treves, but the man is so obviously mouthing your words. Yes, I'm very sorry to have wasted your time, sir. I just felt that I had to do anything I could to protect him. +Yes, I'm very sorry to have wasted your time, sir. I just felt that I had to do anything I could to protect him. I'm sorry too. He simply doesn't belong here. He's be much happier somewhere else, where he could be constantly looked after. Believe me, Frederick, it's better that it worked out this way. Good day. +How did you, know the rest? I never taught you the rest of it. I don't understand. +I don't understand. Tell me, John, how did you know the rest of the 23rd Psalm? +Treves. Well done. Not me, sir. Mr. Merrick. He succeeded in spite of my shortsightedness. +Can you imagine what his life has been like? Yes, I think I can. +Yes, I think I can. No you can't. You can't begin to know, no one can. +You are quite right, Treves, this is an exceptional case. And I quite agree that the committee should see Mr. Merrick. I could easily arrange... +I could easily arrange... No, not that way. Broadneck and the others don't like to deal with patients directly. It makes them queasy... Do you have any photographs of Mr. Merrick? +No, not that way. Broadneck and the others don't like to deal with patients directly. It makes them queasy... Do you have any photographs of Mr. Merrick? Well, yes. +Well, yes. Excellent. We shall present them, along with the other particulars of the case to the committee. I want them to see, exactly, how horribly his body has been affected. You and I shall vouch for his inner qualities. +Excellent. We shall present them, along with the other particulars of the case to the committee. I want them to see, exactly, how horribly his body has been affected. You and I shall vouch for his inner qualities. Do you think they'll go along with us? +Do you think they'll go along with us? Of course they will. They're reasonable men. +Don't we? No, we don't. Their committees have informed me that they're unwilling to take Mr. Merrick, even if they were supplied with funds. They don't want him. +No, we don't. Their committees have informed me that they're unwilling to take Mr. Merrick, even if they were supplied with funds. They don't want him. Well, it's up to us then, isn't it? +Has the response picked up? Frankly, Treves, it's not what I'd expected. A few small cheques. Well- wishers. Don't worry, these things undoubtedly take time. +Frankly, Treves, it's not what I'd expected. A few small cheques. Well- wishers. Don't worry, these things undoubtedly take time. But he's so afraid he's going to be carted off. I've promised him that won't happen. +But he's so afraid he's going to be carted off. I've promised him that won't happen. Well... I'll let you know if there's something in the afternoon post. +Well... I'll let you know if there's something in the afternoon post. Please do. +Don't you think this is a bit premature? We don't have the backing yet to... Steady on, Treves. Have a seat. +How are you feeling today? I feel much better. Thank you for asking. And you? +I feel much better. Thank you for asking. And you? I'm feeling very fit, thank you. How is your bronchitis? +I'm feeling very fit, thank you. How is your bronchitis? I feel much better. Thank you. +I feel much better. Thank you. Are you comfortable here? +Are you comfortable here? Everyone has been very kind. I am extremely grateful. +...I... everyone has been very kind to me. Of course. How long did you and Mr. Treves prepare for this interview? +...everyone has been very kind. Yes, of course... Well, it's been a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Merrick. Good day. +What is it, Treves? Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies, Thou anointest my head with oil... +It was a great pleasure to meet you, Mr. Merrick. I am very pleased to meet you. +I am very pleased to meet you. I hope we can talk together again sometime. Good day. +How long has this man been here? Three quarters of an hour. +Three quarters of an hour. Mmmm. Hodges, Pierce come closer. Mr. Hill, take hold of the rope please. It's a machine accident. I expect you'll be seeing a good deal of this. +Abominable things these machines. One can't reason with them. What a mess. +I say Freddie, what are you about? Oh nothing... nothing of any great importance. +Good Lord, Freddie! What have you got in there? You'll know presently. At the meeting of the society. But until then, I beg of you Fox, keep it to yourself. +You'll know presently. At the meeting of the society. But until then, I beg of you Fox, keep it to yourself. Certainly, if you insist. You must have quite a find there. +Certainly, if you insist. You must have quite a find there. I don't know what I've got. +I don't know what I've got. Nothing of any importance, eh? +You never mentioned his mental state. He's imbecile, no doubt from birth. He speaks, but... it's all gibberish. No, the man's a homeless idiot... I pray God he's an idiot. +Fair Katharine, and most fair, will you vouchsafe to teach a soldier terms Such as will enter at a lady's ear And plead his love-suit to her gentle heart? Your majesty shall mock at me; I cannot speak your England. +Your majesty shall mock at me; I cannot speak your England. O fair Katharine, if you will love me soundly with your French heart, I will be glad to hear you confess it brokenly with your English tongue. Do you like me, Kate? +O fair Katharine, if you will love me soundly with your French heart, I will be glad to hear you confess it brokenly with your English tongue. Do you like me, Kate? "Pardonnez-moi, I cannot tell vat is ""like me""." +"Pardonnez-moi, I cannot tell vat is ""like me""." An angel is like you, Kate, and you are like an angel. +An angel is like you, Kate, and you are like an angel. O bon Dieu! les langues des hommes sont pleines de tramperies. +O bon Dieu! les langues des hommes sont pleines de tramperies. What say you, fair one? That the tongues of men are full of deceits? +What say you, fair one? That the tongues of men are full of deceits? Oui, dat de tongues of de mans is be full of deceits. +Oui, dat de tongues of de mans is be full of deceits. "I know no way to mince it in love, but directly to say ""I love you"". What! A speaker is but a prater; a rhyme is but a ballad. A good leg will fall; a straight back will stoop; a black beard will turn white; a curl'd pate will grow bald; a fair face will wither; a full eye will wax hollow; but a good heart, Kate, is the sun and the moon, or rather the sun and not the moon; for it shines bright and never changes, but keeps his course truly." +Good day...! I've brought you some things. I hope you'll like, Mr. Merrick. I hope you don't think it too forward. +I've brought you some things. I hope you'll like, Mr. Merrick. I hope you don't think it too forward. Oh, no. +Oh, no. I knew you'd understand. Here. +I want you to know that I don't go about giving my pictures to just anyone. Oh, no. I would never think it! It's so beautiful. You are so... I'll give it a place of honor, here, next to my mother. +She's very pretty, your mother. Yes. +Mr. Treves says that you are in the theatre. Do you live there? Oh no, Mr. Merrick. I just work there. +Oh no, Mr. Merrick. I just work there. Well, even to work there would be wonderful. Is it beautiful? +Well, even to work there would be wonderful. Is it beautiful? You've never been? +You've never been? Alas, no. +Alas, no. Well you must go. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Of course, I'm rather partial. +Well you must go. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Of course, I'm rather partial. Tell me about it, please! +Tell me about it, please! It's very difficult to put into a nutshell, but I should say the theater is the shrine of the imagination, where one may suspend disbelief and travel anywhere in the world, to any time you desire. You may look over the shoulders of kings, unobserved, battle with ruthless tyrants, and marry the beautiful princess, all in the space of a few hours. Onstage you may be whoever you wish to be, do anything you please, and always, always live happily ever after. The theatre is all the brightest and best things of the world, Mr. Merrick. It is lights and music, gaiety and joy. It's... well, it's romance. +It's very difficult to put into a nutshell, but I should say the theater is the shrine of the imagination, where one may suspend disbelief and travel anywhere in the world, to any time you desire. You may look over the shoulders of kings, unobserved, battle with ruthless tyrants, and marry the beautiful princess, all in the space of a few hours. Onstage you may be whoever you wish to be, do anything you please, and always, always live happily ever after. The theatre is all the brightest and best things of the world, Mr. Merrick. It is lights and music, gaiety and joy. It's... well, it's romance. Romance! +Romance! That's one thing the theatre has in great store. which reminds me. I have something else for you... +Have you read it? No, but I certainly shall. +Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too? Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. +Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair. +Why, Mr. Merrick, you're not an Elephant Man at all... Oh no? +Oh no? Oh no... no... you're a Romeo. +John, I'd like you to meet one of the brightest lights of the British stage, Mrs. Kendal. Mrs. Kendal, John Merrick. Good day, Mr. Merrick. +It's all arranged. I'll send over some evening gowns for the sisters that you select to accompany Mr. Merrick. You'll be using the Royal entrance and Princess Alexandra herself will be there to welcome him to her private box. I'm very grateful to you, Mrs. Kendal. This is just the thing to help him forget his ordeal. John will be very excited. +I'm very grateful to you, Mrs. Kendal. This is just the thing to help him forget his ordeal. John will be very excited. Well it is a miracle he ever got back. And, I'm sure, Mr. Treves, under your expert care, he'll have many happy years ahead. +Well it is a miracle he ever got back. And, I'm sure, Mr. Treves, under your expert care, he'll have many happy years ahead. I fear not, Mrs. Kendal. Even in the short time he was gone the size of his head has increased rapidly... as is his pain. +I fear not, Mrs. Kendal. Even in the short time he was gone the size of his head has increased rapidly... as is his pain. How awful for John. +How awful for John. And yet, not once have any of us heard him complain. +And yet, not once have any of us heard him complain. Is he... dying then? +Is he... dying then? Yes. There is nothing more frustrating, nothing that makes a physician feel more useless, than standing by watching his patient deteriorate. And when that patient is a friend, no... no, there's absolutely nothing I can do. +Yes. There is nothing more frustrating, nothing that makes a physician feel more useless, than standing by watching his patient deteriorate. And when that patient is a friend, no... no, there's absolutely nothing I can do. Well, it's all quite... I've never heard... It's quite... +Well, it's all quite... I've never heard... It's quite... Yes. +You alright? y-y-yes-- +y-y-yes-- Want to come out? +Want to come out? You're English. +You're English. Of course! You want out? +Of course! You want out? Yes. +Yes. Won't be a moment. +I'm sorry I could only get you a third class ticket, but it's all we had. Oh no, my friend... +Oh no, my friend... Say hello to London for me. I miss her. +Say hello to London for me. I miss her. Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. You know, I saw you once there, in London. You're a great attraction. +Feeling better now, Mr. Merrick? Yes. +Thank you very much. Well, if there is nothing more, I suppose we'll be leaving you now. +Well, if there is nothing more, I suppose we'll be leaving you now. No, nothing. +Good morning, Mr. Merrick. Good morning. +What? Oh! I see! It's St. Phillips. Oh, of course. Why... why that's very good, I mean you've gotten the windows and arches just right. Yes. +Yes. But it's so good, I mean... it's so very good. +But it's so good, I mean... it's so very good. Thank you... very much. +Thank you... very much. Where did you get this box? +The hallway? Oh, the wastecan! I meant no harm, it was the only place where I could find cardboard. I thought it has been thrown away. +I meant no harm, it was the only place where I could find cardboard. I thought it has been thrown away. It's alright, it was thrown away. No one wants it. It's just that it's a little dirty, that's all. +What's this? The main spire. +The main spire. The... oh, the spire! How silly of me, it's as plain as day... Mr. Merrick, where did you learn to do this? +The... oh, the spire! How silly of me, it's as plain as day... Mr. Merrick, where did you learn to do this? ...I learned a long time ago. +I'll have to find some more. Yes... well, good day, Mr. Merrick. +Yyyy... Yyye... yyyess. Yes John! +...Yyes Yyyess. +Yyyess. Yyess. +Yyess. "That's much better. I could understand that ""yes""." +"That's much better. I could understand that ""yes""." Yes! +Yes! Very good! Oh yes! Now listen. I'm going to say some things to you and I want you to repeat them... um... I want you to say them back to me. Do you understand? I'm going to say some things to you and I want you to say them back to me. Do you understand? +Very good! Oh yes! Now listen. I'm going to say some things to you and I want you to repeat them... um... I want you to say them back to me. Do you understand? I'm going to say some things to you and I want you to say them back to me. Do you understand? Yes. +Yes. "Excellent! Now, say... ""Hello""" +"Excellent! Now, say... ""Hello""" Hello... +Hello... My name is... +My name is... My... name is... +My... name is... John Merrick. +John Merrick. John... Merrick +John... Merrick "Say ""Merrick""." +"Say ""Merrick""." Merrick... +Merrick... "Say ""Mmmerrick.""" +"Say ""Mmmerrick.""" Mmmerrick. +Mmmerrick. "Say ""Mmmerrick.""" +"Say ""Mmmerrick.""" Mmmerrick. +Mmmerrick. Well, that's alright. I understand you. Now, say the whole thing again, Hello ... +Well, that's alright. I understand you. Now, say the whole thing again, Hello ... Hello... my name is... John Merrick. +Why, my dear Mrs. Mothershead, how good of you to join us. Mr. Merrick, will you please introduce yourself? Hello, my name is John Merrick. +The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want, he maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul: He Guideth me in the paths of righteousness... Righteousness... +Righteousness... Righteousness for his namesake. +Righteousness for his namesake. "Very good, very good. Now, when your visitor comes today I want you to say it exactly the way you said it just now. I will introduce him to you and you will say the words you've learned. If you have any trouble with any of the words, I'll help you. I'm sure you'll be just fine. If you do as well for him as you've done for me these last two days, then I'm sure our visitor will be very pleased. Now, let's go through the whole thing again, shall we? I will say ""May I introduce you to Mr. Carr Gomm."" And you will say..." +"Very good, very good. Now, when your visitor comes today I want you to say it exactly the way you said it just now. I will introduce him to you and you will say the words you've learned. If you have any trouble with any of the words, I'll help you. I'm sure you'll be just fine. If you do as well for him as you've done for me these last two days, then I'm sure our visitor will be very pleased. Now, let's go through the whole thing again, shall we? I will say ""May I introduce you to Mr. Carr Gomm."" And you will say..." Hello, my name is John Merrick. I am very pleased to meet you! +John, may I introduce you to Sir Carr Gomm. Hello... my name is John Merrick. I am very pleased to meet you. +Mr. Merrick likes the food here. Don't you John? Oh yes! It is much better than what I am used to. +...Yes potatoes... but... But the variety of food here is very pleasing... I commend you. +Why did you let me go on like that, teaching you what you already knew? Why didn't you tell me you could read? You did not ask me. +You did not ask me. I never thought to ask. How can you ever forgive me? +I never thought to ask. How can you ever forgive me? Oh, no do not say that. You have been so kind to me. I was afraid to say too much. People always want me to be quiet. You wanted me to speak, but I was afraid. Forgive me. +Oh, no do not say that. You have been so kind to me. I was afraid to say too much. People always want me to be quiet. You wanted me to speak, but I was afraid. Forgive me. We do have a lot to talk about, don't we? +Good evening. How are you feeling? Good evening. Very well, thank you. And you? +Good evening. Very well, thank you. And you? Very well, thank you. I have something for you, John. I'm sure you'll enjoy it, it's very popular. +This... is my new home? Yes. +Yes. The hospital? +The hospital? Of course! What did you think? +How long will I stay here? I promise you. You will never see the inside of that horrible place again. You will never, ever go back to the workhouse... or that man. It's a splendid room, don't you think? +You look splendid, John. Thank you very much. +Thank you very much. When one is invited to tea, one must look one's best. +John... what's the matter? John... why are you upset? I'm not used to such kindness. From a beautiful woman. +Well, it's a lovely bedroom. What do you call that thing above the bed? That's a canopy, John. +That's a canopy, John. Ohhh... +Ohhh... How is your tea, John? +How is your tea, John? It's very good. I'm enjoying my visit with you very much. It's so very kind of you to have me as a guest in your home. I'm sorry I made a spectacle of myself. +It's very good. I'm enjoying my visit with you very much. It's so very kind of you to have me as a guest in your home. I'm sorry I made a spectacle of myself. Not at all, John. +Not at all, John. I love the way you've arranged your pictures on the mantlepiece. Is that the way it's done in most houses? +I love the way you've arranged your pictures on the mantlepiece. Is that the way it's done in most houses? Oh yes. +Oh yes. Who are they of? +Who are they of? Oh, our relatives... the children. +Oh, our relatives... the children. The children! May I see? +The children! May I see? Of course. +The Children. Where are your children Oh, they're gone for the day... with friends. +Oh, they're gone for the day... with friends. Friends. Ah yes, friends! How nice. +Would you... would you like to see my mother? Your mother? +Your mother? Here. +Good morning, John. Good morning. +Good morning. John, there's someone here who would like to meet you. Would that be alright? +When will the stream be aweary of flowing under my eye? When will the wind be aweary of blowing over the sky? When will the clouds be aweary of fleeting? When will the heart be aweary of beating, and nature die? Never, oh! Never, nothing will die. the stream flows the wind blows the heart beats Nothing will die. +Mr. Treves, there is something I've been meaning to ask you for some time... Yes, John? +Yes, John? ...Can you cure me? +No John, I can't. I can care for you, but I can't cure you. I thought as much. +The cathedral is coming along nicely. Yes, soon I will start the main spire, but I must finish these columns first, How kind of her! +How blind of me. Is there anything else, John, anything at all that I could get for you? Oh no! There is nothing! I have everything, you have given me everything I could possibly want. I am happy every hour of the day. I only wish there was something I could give to you. +Oh no! There is nothing! I have everything, you have given me everything I could possibly want. I am happy every hour of the day. I only wish there was something I could give to you. Please John, it would give me so much pleasure to give you something. Something just for yourself. Isn't there something you would like to have? +You want a dressing bag, John? You don't think it's too gaudy, do you? +...my... home? Yes, John. +Yes, John. You did this for me? +You did this for me? Yes. +Yes. Please... please thank the governing committee for me. I will do my utmost to merit their kindness. +My home. There is one more thing, John. Here. +Is it the one you wanted? Oh, Mr. Treves. Mr. Treves. +Oh, Mr. Treves. Mr. Treves. Are you sure? Because I can take it back. +Are you sure? Because I can take it back. Mr. Treves. Thank you my... friends. +Mr. Treves! Treves. John.... how can you ever forgive me? +Stand up, John. Let them see you. Oh no, I couldn't. +Oh no, I couldn't. It's for you, John. It's all for you. Go ahead, let them see you. +Will the cathedral be finished soon, John? Yes, very soon. +Yes, very soon. Splendid. it's truly a masterpiece. Well, I suppose I'll be on my way now. I hoped your enjoyed yourself this evening. +Splendid. it's truly a masterpiece. Well, I suppose I'll be on my way now. I hoped your enjoyed yourself this evening. Oh yes! It was wonderful! +Oh yes! It was wonderful! I'm glad, John. Goodnight. +Yes John? Mr. Treves, tell me... tell me truly. Is it alright, did I make any mistakes that you can see? +Mr. Treves, tell me... tell me truly. Is it alright, did I make any mistakes that you can see? No, John, not one that I can see. +No, John, not one that I can see. Then I shouldn't change anything? +Then I shouldn't change anything? No, no, I wouldn't change a thing. +Goodnight John. Sleep well. You too, my friend. Goodnight. +Ah, Mothershead. How are you feeling today? Fine. +Fine. Good. Excellent. Now then, Mrs. Mothershead, I want you to come into this room with me. Inside there is a man with a rather... unfortunate appearance. +Good. Excellent. Now then, Mrs. Mothershead, I want you to come into this room with me. Inside there is a man with a rather... unfortunate appearance. I've heard. +I've heard. Yes... Well, I want you to clear up a little mess, a breakfast tray was spilt. And bring up another breakfast. When you've done that, you and I shall give the man a bath. But, Mothershead, I'm counting on your many years of experience to get you through this, Above all, do not scream, do not cry out, or in any way show this man that you are frightened of him... +Yes... Well, I want you to clear up a little mess, a breakfast tray was spilt. And bring up another breakfast. When you've done that, you and I shall give the man a bath. But, Mothershead, I'm counting on your many years of experience to get you through this, Above all, do not scream, do not cry out, or in any way show this man that you are frightened of him... Sir, you don't have to worry about me. I'm not the sort to cry out. Shall we go in? +Sir, you don't have to worry about me. I'm not the sort to cry out. Shall we go in? Yes... Yes, let's go in. +The workhouse. Yes! The workhouse! +Good morning, Mr. Treves. It'll be his bath-time soon. Has he eaten? Not quite yet, Mrs. Mothershead. There seems to be some difficulty this morning. +Won't come out, eh? No, he's very upset about something. +No, he's very upset about something. Just being obstinate, sir. I'll handle it. +"He's had his share of ""smacks"", Mothershead. I expect that's what drives him under the bed. We must use patience and understanding with this man." Perhaps you've got the time for that, Mr. Treves, I certainly don't. I've got an entire hospital to look after, and you have your real patients. Don't waste your time with him sir, it's like talking to a wall. I don't mean to be harsh, but truthfully what can you do for him? I'll be back later for his bath. And Mr. Carr Gomm would like to see you when you have a moment. Good day sir. +Good Lord, Mr. Treves! We've made tremendous strides today, Mothershead. He listens and repeats with great attention, and this certainly isn't easy for him. +We've made tremendous strides today, Mothershead. He listens and repeats with great attention, and this certainly isn't easy for him. Parrots can do as much, Mr. Treves. It's all very nice, but I don't see the point. You know they won't let him stay here. +Parrots can do as much, Mr. Treves. It's all very nice, but I don't see the point. You know they won't let him stay here. I'm sure that if Mr. Merrick made a good impression on the hospital committee they'd see that he's the exception to their rule. Now I'm not expecting miracles. I'm not saying he'll be able to read or write, but I do think that I can get him to speak for himself. I'm going to arrange things with Carr Gomm right now. That was very good, John, very good. That's all for today. We shall do some more tomorrow. Mothershead? +Watery headed bunch. I regret that I must leave you here, m' Lord, m' Lady. Thank you so much for coming. It was an act of the greatest charity. +Incredible, isn't it? Well, I think John has had enough visitors for one day, Mothershead. I've got a lecture at the college, I'll be back this evening. Excuse me, sir. I'd like to have a word with you. +Excuse me, sir. I'd like to have a word with you. Oh?... Well, quickly please, Mothershead, I'm overdue. +Oh?... Well, quickly please, Mothershead, I'm overdue. I can't understand why you let those people go in there, sir. +I can't understand why you let those people go in there, sir. Now Mothershead, you have to understand that this is very good for John. He relishes contact with people outside the hospital... +Now Mothershead, you have to understand that this is very good for John. He relishes contact with people outside the hospital... But you saw them, sir. They couldn't hide their disgust. They don't care anything for John, they're just trying to impress their friends. +But you saw them, sir. They couldn't hide their disgust. They don't care anything for John, they're just trying to impress their friends. Aren't you being just a little harsh, Mothershead? You yourself hardly treated John with much loving kindness when he first arrived. +Aren't you being just a little harsh, Mothershead? You yourself hardly treated John with much loving kindness when he first arrived. I bathed him, didn't I? I fed him and cleaned up after him! If loving kindness can be called care and practical concern, then yes, I did treat him with loving kindness, and I'm not ashamed to say it. +I bathed him, didn't I? I fed him and cleaned up after him! If loving kindness can be called care and practical concern, then yes, I did treat him with loving kindness, and I'm not ashamed to say it. You're right, Mothershead, please forgive me... Of course, I appreciate everything you've done for John, and I'm glad that you are concerned about his welfare. But, I'm the physician in charge and I must do what I think best. I'm also very late, so please forgive me. +Mr. Treves, some more books arrived for Mr. Merrick. Thank you, Mothershead. Have a porter put them in my office. +Thank you, Mothershead. Have a porter put them in my office. Yes sir. What's that? +Yes sir. What's that? A dressing bag. +A dressing bag. Very smart indeed. +Very smart indeed. Yes. John wants it. +Yes. John wants it. A dressing bag? +A dressing bag? You don't think it's too gaudy, do you. +You don't think it's too gaudy, do you. Well... +Well... John thinks it's very dashing. Something no gentleman should be without. I'm inclined to agree. +So you see, John, there's no need for a lighthouse. All your friends are here. Welcome home, John. +WHERE IS MR. MERRICK? I... I don't know what you mean, Sir. +Don't lie to me. I know all about it. You were SEEN. Where did you take him? Take him? Now wait... I didn't take him anywhere. We were just having some fun. We didn't hurt him... just having a laugh, that's all. +Take him? Now wait... I didn't take him anywhere. We were just having some fun. We didn't hurt him... just having a laugh, that's all. HE'S GONE! +HE'S GONE! When I left him, he was in his bed, safe and sound. +When I left him, he was in his bed, safe and sound. YOU BASTARD! You tortured him. YOU TORTURED HIM, you bastard. WHERE is HE? +YOU BASTARD! You tortured him. YOU TORTURED HIM, you bastard. WHERE is HE? YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! I ain't done nothing wrong. People pay to see your monster, Mr. Treves. I just take the money. +YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! I ain't done nothing wrong. People pay to see your monster, Mr. Treves. I just take the money. YOU'RE THE MONSTER! YOU'RE THE FREAK! GET OUT! YOU'RE FINISHED! +Are you the proprietor? And who might you be, sir? +And who might you be, sir? Just one of the curious. I'd like to see it. +Just one of the curious. I'd like to see it. I don't think so. No sir, we're closed. +I'd pay handsomely for a private showing. Are you the proprietor? Handsomely?... Who sent you? +Handsomely?... Who sent you? Pardon me? +Pardon me? Never mind. I'm the owner. +So you'll bring him to me, tomorrow, 10:00 a.m.? Mr...? Bytes. Mr. Bytes. He'll be there. +Bytes. Mr. Bytes. He'll be there. I'll send a cab. Here is my card. +Open up! I know you're in there! Ah! It's my father! +Ah! It's my father! Open up! I know you're in there! +Right! Where is he? Who, Father? +Who, Father? Who? Who? Whoever you've got in here of course! +Who? Who? Whoever you've got in here of course! There IS no one. +Well... where is he? There's nobody here, Father. Look for yourself. +Ah! So you admit there IS someone! You're losing your temper! +It's all in your own mind, Father... It's YOU who imagine that I'm always up here with some man or other.... I don't know how you do it, Aud... I sometimes think you've got some of your mother's magic... +There is no magic, Father... My mother had no magic... She did, I tell you! She could blind me as easily as the night the day. +She did, I tell you! She could blind me as easily as the night the day. It's your fantasy... +It's your fantasy... But one day I'll catch you... Like I caught her... +It's all right! It isn't happening! But, Father, it IS! +It's sinking! Hy-Brasil is sinking! Well, my dear, I think you'll find it's all a question of what you want to believe in.... I have slightly more experience of these matters than you... +WHAT did you say? I said welcome. +I said welcome. WELCOME? +WELCOME? Well, of course. We always welcome friends. +"How d'you KNOW we're ""friends""?" Well, EVERYONE is friends here on Hy- Brasil. +Please! Please! What are those? What are what? +What are what? Those things in your hands. +Those things in your hands. These? What are THESE? They're swords. +What's the matter? PLEASE! You don't know what you're doing! +PLEASE! You don't know what you're doing! What? +What? Put them down! PLEASE make them put them down. +WHY? Yes. +Yes. But surely you know...? +Have you ever felt like this about anyone else? "What... you mean ""got into bed with"" them?" +"What... you mean ""got into bed with"" them?" No, of course not, silly -- I mean FELT like this about them? +No, of course not, silly -- I mean FELT like this about them? You mean... you HAVE got into bed with somebody else? +You mean... you HAVE got into bed with somebody else? No, I mean have you ever felt that for the first time in your life you'd met somebody you could believe in with your whole heart... someone whose goals suddenly seem to be YOUR goals... whose dreams seem to be YOUR dreams? +No, I mean have you ever felt that for the first time in your life you'd met somebody you could believe in with your whole heart... someone whose goals suddenly seem to be YOUR goals... whose dreams seem to be YOUR dreams? HAVE you ever been to bed with anyone else? +HAVE you ever been to bed with anyone else? What does that matter? But you've... you've... FELT like this before... +What does that matter? But you've... you've... FELT like this before... It was different... +It was different... What was she like? +What was she like? Oh... oh, I didn't know her very well... +Oh... oh, I didn't know her very well... But you LOVED her all the same... +But you LOVED her all the same... We never went to bed together. +We never went to bed together. Why do you go on about that? What does it matter? +Why do you go on about that? What does it matter? You've been to bed with somebody else, haven't you? +You've been to bed with somebody else, haven't you? I've never LOVED anybody! +I've never LOVED anybody! I've never been to bed with anybody! +The Cloak Invisible. It was my mother's parting gift. """The fifth one this week""!" +"""The fifth one this week""!" Oh, for goodness' sake! +Oh, for goodness' sake! And I thought you said it was something special... +That's just what I was trying to tell you. You ARE... Five this week; how many the week before? +Five this week; how many the week before? You're as bad as my father. +You're as bad as my father. And the week before that? +We mustn't let him land! Who? +Who? Halfdan the Black. +Halfdan the Black. But, Erik... +Just give me a hand. I mean, you could have killed yourself. +Where's the Cloak Invisible? Why? +No! I'll bring it back. +I'll bring it back. Erik. You don't understand. +Erik. You don't understand. No. It's YOU who doesn't understand, Aud. Halfdan has come to kill and destroy. We brought him here. We must stop him. +No. It's YOU who doesn't understand, Aud. Halfdan has come to kill and destroy. We brought him here. We must stop him. But you don't realize.... +But you don't realize.... Goodbye, Aud... +And thanks for the Cloak Invisible! No! WAIT! ERIK! The Cloak! The Cloak Invisible! It only seems to work on my father! +No! No! We are in the spell of the Horn! Hatred will destroy us. That's right! +No. Don't look... The abyss will suck away your strength. I MUST look! Keitel! Hold this! +YOU still want to go to Asgaard? Of course. +Of course. Do you believe I love you? +Do you believe I love you? I... but I... +I... but I... You don't have to love me. Just: do you believe I love YOU? +You don't have to love me. Just: do you believe I love YOU? Yes -- I believe you do. +Yes -- I believe you do. Then let go! +The second note. The second note to wake the Gods... +Erik! You've done what you came to do! Not quite... +Blow the third note! The note to take us home! There is something I must ask the Gods... +There is something I must ask the Gods... No living man has ever set foot in the Halls of Asgaard... The Gods will never let you return. +Then I shall come too. No... no... +No... no... I don't want to live WITHOUT you. +I don't want to live WITHOUT you. But, Aud... I... I came to find someone... +LOKI! Where did YOU come from? Halfdan wanted to stop you waking the Gods... so... I disguised myself to sabotage their plans. +But -- It was my master Keitel's idea. +But... How is it you can see me? You can all see me? What d'you mean? +How do we know this is the way? We blew the Horn Resounding. +We blew the Horn Resounding. SHE blew the Horn Resounding. +"Now what CAN you want with me, Erik the ""Viking""?" I shouldn't have come. +I shouldn't have come. They will make fun of you for listening to an old woman's stories? +What do you see, Erik? I see the world. +I see the world. Is it night or day, Erik? +Is it night or day, Erik? It is day, of course, Freya. +It is day, of course, Freya. Is it summer or winter, Erik? +Have you ever seen the sun, Erik? The sun is up beyond the clouds -- where it always is. +The sun is up beyond the clouds -- where it always is. But have you ever seen it? Think back... +But have you ever seen it? Think back... Of course not... but... when I was a child... I remember a dream.... it was as if the whole sky was blue... +Of course not... but... when I was a child... I remember a dream.... it was as if the whole sky was blue... The sky WAS blue, Erik... once. +Is there nothing men can do? The Gods are asleep, Erik. +The Gods are asleep, Erik. I will go and wake them up! +And will the dead ever return, Freya? That I cannot tell you. +No... we don't... The Gods decreed that if ever a sword spills human blood upon these shores, the whole of Hy-Brasil will sink beneath the waves. +How? Well... for a start... er... there's no killing... +Well... for a start... er... there's no killing... Well, OBVIOUSLY there's no killing. +Well, OBVIOUSLY there's no killing. Well... isn't it great? +Would you like us to sing to you? That's very kind of you, but we're in rather a hurry... We're... +What's the matter, don't you WANT to hear our singing? Oh... well, yes, of course; it's just we're looking for the Horn Resounding and -- +Oh... well, yes, of course; it's just we're looking for the Horn Resounding and -- You don't think our singing's going to be good enough for you? +You don't think our singing's going to be good enough for you? Oh, no no no! It's just the Horn Resounding is... +Oh, no no no! It's just the Horn Resounding is... A lot of people like our singing. +A lot of people like our singing. I'm sure it's lovely. +I'm sure it's lovely. But you don't want to hear it. +But you don't want to hear it. No... no... We'd love to hear it. Wouldn't we? +Er... well... we... we... would be TERRIBLY grateful if you... all... would sing for us. You're just saying that. +Of course we're not; we'd genuinely like to hear you sing. REALLY? +REALLY? Really. +Really. And you're not just saying it because you think we want you to? +No. "Right! Summon the musicians! We'll do the one that goes ""TUM-TUM-TUM- TUM-TI-TUM-TUM""" +We're just not a very musical nation... No, no... It was very... er, nice. +No, no... It was very... er, nice. Now I want you to be ABSOLUTELY, totally, genuinely honest with me. Did you really, truly, honestly like it? +No. They didn't like it! Oh God! I want to die! +Your Majesty! We come from a world where there IS no music. Where men live and die by the axe and by the sword... Well, how d'you think I feel? +Well, how d'you think I feel? The Gods are asleep, King Arnulf. +The Gods are asleep, King Arnulf. YOU try to be nice to people, when they're rude about your singing... +I'll tell you what... Yes? +Careful! They're not supposed to hurt you. You've got to let me go! +It's all part of our safety regulations. You see if someone were to get hurt they might get angry and then... well... "They'll be more than ""hurt"" if Halfdan the Black lands! Ow!" +He's trying to stop us waking the Gods. Why? +Why? Because that's how he makes his money, by war and plunder! +Because that's how he makes his money, by war and plunder! Don't talk nonsense. +Don't talk nonsense. He wants to kill US! +He wants to kill US! Not when we explain about the Great Blessing. +Not when we explain about the Great Blessing. You don't know Halfdan the Black. +You don't know Halfdan the Black. I know that the Great Blessing has kept the peace for a thousand years, and will keep it for the next thousand. +Is there something the matter with it? Oh! No! No... of course not... it's just I hadn't expected it to be quite so big. +Oh! No! No... of course not... it's just I hadn't expected it to be quite so big. Well, it's not called the Horn Resounding for nothing. You DO know how to play the horn, don't you? +Well, it's not called the Horn Resounding for nothing. You DO know how to play the horn, don't you? Yes... oh, yes... +Yes... oh, yes... Then I expect you'll be leaving first thing in the morning. +But it IS! Look! The important thing is not to panic. +Have you done this sort of thing before? Me? Of course! I've been looting and pillaging up and down the coast. +Me? Of course! I've been looting and pillaging up and down the coast. Looting and pillaging, eh? +Looting and pillaging, eh? Yes. +Yes. What about the raping? +What about the raping? Shut up. +Shut up. It's obvious you haven't raped anyone in your life. +It's obvious you haven't raped anyone in your life. Sh! +Of course I like women... I LOVE 'em. You don't love ME. +You don't love ME. No... right... this is RAPE... Mark you, I'm not saying I couldn't get to like you... in fact... well, to be quite honest, I prefer it when there's some sort of mutual feeling between two people... +No... right... this is RAPE... Mark you, I'm not saying I couldn't get to like you... in fact... well, to be quite honest, I prefer it when there's some sort of mutual feeling between two people... What -- rape? +What -- rape? No. It isn't rape then, is it? +No. It isn't rape then, is it? Oh, get it over with. +Oh, get it over with. I don't suppose... no... +I don't suppose... no... What? +What? I don't suppose you... you DO like me at all? +I don't suppose you... you DO like me at all? What d'you expect? You come in here, burn my village, kill my family and try to rape me... +I'll kill you if you say anything about this to anyone. About raping me? +About raping me? About NOT raping you... +About NOT raping you... You DON'T like it, do you? +You DON'T like it, do you? Well it just seems a little bit crude, that's all. +Well it just seems a little bit crude, that's all. What about the killing and looting? That's just as crude, isn't it? +What about the killing and looting? That's just as crude, isn't it? Oh well -- you've GOT to do them. +Oh well -- you've GOT to do them. Why? Why have you got to go round killing and looting? +Why? Why have you got to go round killing and looting? To pay for the next expedition, of course. +To pay for the next expedition, of course. But that's a circular argument! If the only reason for going on an expedition is the killing and looting and the only reason for the killing and looting is to pay for the next expedition, they cancel each other out. +But that's a circular argument! If the only reason for going on an expedition is the killing and looting and the only reason for the killing and looting is to pay for the next expedition, they cancel each other out. Oh! Stop talking as if we were married! +Oh! Stop talking as if we were married! Well you started it. +Well you started it. I just said I didn't feel like raping you. +I just said I didn't feel like raping you. And I was just saying that rape is no MORE pointless or crude than all the killing and looting that goes on. +Scream. Ah. +Ah. Louder. +Louder. Aaagh! Rape! +Aaagh! Rape! Oh, thanks. +Thanks for saving me from a fate worse than death. I didn't mean to! +I didn't mean to! Oh, that's all right then... it's the thought... that counts... +You told them I raped you -- why? I dunno... you looked so... so vulnerable... +I dunno... you looked so... so vulnerable... Why should you care? +Why should you care? Why... should YOU care? +Why... should YOU care? Tell me your name? +I've come to take you back to the land of the living. What a stupid idea. +What a stupid idea. Why? +Why? What's the point of being dead in the land of the living? +What's the point of being dead in the land of the living? I'll ask the Gods to give you life again! +Have you tried to ask the God for anything? Well... no... +Is THAT Odin? You'll have to wait till he's finished his game. +You'll have to wait till he's finished his game. Odin! +Why should you care? I don't know! I just did! +FIND the Rainbow Bridge? Find it... AND cross it! +"""But"" what?" But... +But... What? +Nothing... Halfdan the Black chopped his hand off last night. He was lucky... Sit there. +What are you talking about? Come on, move it! +It's Halfdan the Black! I know. Snorri! Get your oar out! +Erik! Row! What are you doing? It saved my father! +How deep IS the ocean? Very deep... usually... +Let's hack her to pieces. No. +What's wrong with making friends? "You don't go through all the hardships of an ocean voyage to make ""friends""." +That's terrible! You mean if just ONE PERSON gets killed? +Halfdan the Black's here! I know! +I know! He wants to KILL us. +But. You're not even afraid of DEATH, Thorfinn! I know. I know. +It's not magic! It's just a trick! Don't you FEEL it? +We're missing all the fun... What's it all about? +What's it all about? What? +What? We toil and labor, we loot and pillage, rape and kill... and yet... +We toil and labor, we loot and pillage, rape and kill... and yet... You talking piffle, son? +You talking piffle, son? Where does it all get us, Grandpa? +Where does it all get us, Grandpa? Who have you been talking to? +Who have you been talking to? I met this girl... +I met this girl... It's always the women that start the trouble. +It's always the women that start the trouble. She got me thinking... +She got me thinking... So? What'd you do to her? +I... I... KILLED her... That's my boy! +He can have my place. I don't want to go anyway. Well, you ARE! +I want to die... No, I don't! Row! Row! Row! +Slower! Nobody can row at that speed! Sorry. +Slower! In... Out... Sorry! +Faster! Make your mind up. +What are YOU doing here? You may need a real Berserk. +Ohh! I wanted to sit next to Leif. Shut up. You there. You there and you there. +SHUT UP! ROW! +Look, the sky is blue... The sun! That's it! +It's magic. "What ""magic""?" +"What ""magic""?" I've heard stories of a magic that strikes fear into the heart so you cannot fight. +"What ""magic"" have you brought, Erik?" You'll see! +What did he say? Look out! +You must help us. We don't HAVE to help anybody. +We don't HAVE to help anybody. Fenrir the Wolf covers the sun -- men fight and kill each other the whole time. +Fenrir the Wolf covers the sun -- men fight and kill each other the whole time. Why should WE care? +Why should WE care? Because... you're... you're the Gods.... +Because... you're... you're the Gods.... So? +So? Bring the Age of Ragnarok to an end and stop all this fighting and bloodshed. +Erik the Viking! The things you seek are not in our power. We don't make men love each other or hate each other. But you're the Gods! +But you're the Gods! Look... Erik... +You mean we'd be dead? No! We'd be the first living men to set foot in the Halls of the Gods. +Thank you VERY much indeed. Now stop it! +Now stop it! It's SO nice to feel wanted. +It's SO nice to feel wanted. Leif, you sit there. Even, you sit there. Harald, you'd better sit over there... +Leif, you sit there. Even, you sit there. Harald, you'd better sit over there... Trust me to get the missionary. +You can't have Sven's father sitting next to Sven. They'll argue the whole time. That's true. You'd better sit there. You there, and Ornulf there. +That's true. You'd better sit there. You there, and Ornulf there. Now you've got all the big ones on one side. +That's better. Now you've got all the ones with beards on one side and all the moustaches on the other. +Row! Has anyone told him we've got a dragon eating our boat? +First we're flying -- now we're sinking! Well, come on! +Listen! Maybe we won't get to Hy- Brasil! Maybe we won't find the Horn Resounding... but at least we've tried... and at least we shall have died like men. Like fish. +A magic dishcloth. To the oars! +Weren't we supposed to? Oh... I feel a little... oh... +No! Let go, Snorri! I've got you! +I've got you! You'll be sucked down too! +You'll be sucked down too! No! Arrgh! +There is another way. Who gets killed? +Who gets killed? Nobody gets killed. +You need to say a bit more than that! Oh... er... yes... +What's the matter with them? Just say something cheerful. +Just say something cheerful. Oh... right! Well... CHEERS everybody! +I think we should go... Right. Farewell... for the last time... may the gods prevent... +Right. Farewell... for the last time... may the gods prevent... No, don't say anything else! +Wait, Erik! Keitel Blacksmith? +Bjorn's not. He could have Bjorn's place. What's the matter with Bjorn? +What do you think? But how could he know... unless... +And you, Keitel Blacksmith. But... +Well, what else do we do? How about making friends? +So Halfdan the Black's using magic, is he? Well, I have a magic to match his! What is it? +Don't you see, Erik! She wants revenge! What are you talking about? +And you, Sven, aren't you afraid of crossing the Rainbow Bridge to Asgaard? I will join my grandfather there. +What are you talking about, Erik? What if we could find Bi-Frost the Rainbow Bridge? +Only the dead reach Asgaard, Erik. What's the matter? Are you afraid to try? +Nobody's ever crossed the Rainbow Bridge to Asgaard. We'd be the first! +But HOW? I don't know -- but I'm not afraid to try. +Hey, you two! What's going on? I was sitting there. +Look, I bagged it last week. It doesn't matter WHERE you sit! +It doesn't matter WHERE you sit! Yes it does! We could be at sea for months. +Yes it does! We could be at sea for months. Well, what difference does it make where you're SITTING? +Well, what difference does it make where you're SITTING? I don't want to have to sit next to Snorri all that time. +I AM one, Dad! We haven't got a spare place. +ROW! DEATH! +She hasn't got any. She MUST have a knife or something... +Hy-Brasil? Is THIS Hy-Brasil? +We must blow the first note... he note that will take us to Asgaard... Over the Edge of the World. +Sven! Let me do something for myself for a change! +I came to find my grandfather. I have to go... +Bye, Leif. Bye... sorry... +Bye... sorry... Yeah... well... +Yeah... well... You will wait? +You will wait? What d'you expect me to do? +That's why they call me... Leif the Lucky. Please. +What's all the panic about? The Dragon... +It can't do you any HARM... What do we have to do? +What do we have to do? Nothing... I just immerse you in water... +How did he do that? Do what? +Do what? Vanish into thin air? +Vanish into thin air? He hasn't. +He hasn't. Well, where is he then? +You coming? You don't even believe in Asgaard. I thought I might do a bit of business on the way. +I thought I might do a bit of business on the way. You're wasting your time. +You're wasting your time. Listen. I've been in this dump for sixteen years and I haven't made a single convert... +Listen. I've been in this dump for sixteen years and I haven't made a single convert... There was Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife. You converted HER. +There was Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife. You converted HER. Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife became a Buddhist, not a Christian. +Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife became a Buddhist, not a Christian. Same thing, isn't it? +Same thing, isn't it? No, it is NOT. +You know, my son, our lord said... Your lord. +Your lord. "Quite... MY lord... said: ""The Prayer of Faith shall have the sick.""" +"Quite... MY lord... said: ""The Prayer of Faith shall have the sick.""" I hope the Dragon of the North Sea gets YOU AND your lord. +Are you all right? No, I'm not. +No, I'm not. You don't need to feel bad about being sea-sick, you know. +You don't need to feel bad about being sea-sick, you know. How can you help feeling bad when you're sea-sick? +How can you help feeling bad when you're sea-sick? I mean many of the greatest sailors were. +I know. I know. Olaf Tryggvason used to throw up on every single voyage... the whole time... non-stop... puke... puke... puke. +Olaf Tryggvason used to throw up on every single voyage... the whole time... non-stop... puke... puke... puke. Look! I don't feel BAD about it. I just feel ILL. +He used to puke in his sleep. Bastard. +Is it sort of... like a sinking feeling in your stomach? That's it! +And a sort of slightly sick feeling? That's it! AND you keep wanting to go to the lavatory. +That's it! AND you keep wanting to go to the lavatory. Oh, yes! I hadn't noticed that! +Oh! Who cares? We're HOME! Mum! Dad! +Aaagh! Got you! +Let me go, Sven. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I'm not worth risking your life for. +I'm not worth risking your life for. I've got you, Keitel Blacksmith. If you go... I go too... +I've got you, Keitel Blacksmith. If you go... I go too... For your own sake... For the others... I... +For your own sake... For the others... I... Hang on... +Well! Come on! I... I... +Who's that? It's me. I'm just going to water the dragon... +It's me. I'm just going to water the dragon... Oh... +What? What are you doing, Keitel Blacksmith? +What are you doing, Keitel Blacksmith? Get away, Snorri. +Get away, Snorri. What have you got there? +Ooh, that's a good one! You could charge Halfdan fifteen for that one. Yes, it is good. But I told him ten. +Yes, it is good. But I told him ten. You could charge him what you like. +You just can't make enough swords and spears and knives and daggers to satisfy the demand. You could charge Halfdan twenty and he'd pay it. Oh, I couldn't do that! The Blacksmith's Code says... +Oh, I couldn't do that! The Blacksmith's Code says... "Yes yes... of course.... the ""Blacksmith's Code""..." +If this IS the Age of Ragnarok, Keitel Blacksmith, it is GOOD to us. Can't make enough swords! +Can't make enough swords! Can't make enough axe-heads! +Can't make enough axe-heads! But, Keitel, if Erik ever finds the Horn Resounding... if he ever crosses Bi-Frost, the Rainbow Bridge... if he ever wakens the gods.. +They chase Fenrir the Wolf from the sky... The Age of Ragnarok ends... +The Age of Ragnarok ends... The bottom falls out of the sword business! +The bottom falls out of the sword business! It's not just YOUR livelihood that's at stake but your son's, and the livelihood of ALL blacksmiths. +It's not just YOUR livelihood that's at stake but your son's, and the livelihood of ALL blacksmiths. My brother blacksmiths! +My brother blacksmiths! That's right. +That's right. The Blacksmith's Code says I must... +The Blacksmith's Code says I must... Honour and protect all blacksmiths. +Honour and protect all blacksmiths. Together we stand! +Together we stand! You can't let Erik do THAT. +Wasn't it, Keitel? Well... I... I thought... +Are you going to let Erik wake the Gods? How can we stops him now? +Sh! Hurry! YOU do it! +YOU do it! You'll be able to throw it further than I could. +I can't swim! I can't swim! Relax! +Relax! I'm drowning! Help! +Urrgh! Argh! Let go, you idiot! Help! +Help! You'll drown us bo... +Help! Help! +Shut up! She knows it was our fault! +She knows it was our fault! Keep your mouth shut, Keitel! +Keep your mouth shut, Keitel! No! It's YOU, Loki! I should never have listened to you! +You've lost your mind. We came to stop you waking the Gods, Erik! But I didn't want anyone to get hurt! +We came to stop you waking the Gods, Erik! But I didn't want anyone to get hurt! You fool! +I should have got rid of you long ago! Like you got rid of Snorri! +Made by YOU, Loki! By YOU -- Keitel Blacksmith! Don't you know, Erik, that is why he went with you? Ragnarok was good for his business... +By YOU -- Keitel Blacksmith! Don't you know, Erik, that is why he went with you? Ragnarok was good for his business... It's not my business any more! +It's a tradition. I know, Dad. +I know, Dad. I was a Berserk for King Harald Fairhair... +I was a Berserk for King Harald Fairhair... You went berserk... +You went berserk... I went berserk in every battle I ever fought for King Harald... +I went berserk in every battle I ever fought for King Harald... So did your father... +So did your father... So did my father and his father before him. +So did my father and his father before him. But it's a responsibility... +But it's a responsibility... But it's a responsibility being a Berserk. +But it's a responsibility being a Berserk. I must only let the red rage... +I must only let the red rage... You must only let the red rage take hold of you in the thick of battle. +You must only let the red rage take hold of you in the thick of battle. I KNOW! I'VE HEARD IT ALL 1 THOUSAND TIMES! +We're being attacked! KILL! Kill! Kill! Not now, Sven... +Not now, Sven... I must KILL! Kill! +I must KILL! Kill! It's no good going berserk against a dragon! +KILL! KILL! Stop it! +HOLD it! HOLD it in! DEATH TO DRAGONS! +Well, of course he is! Sh! +There! THAT'S a true Berserk. I'm just building up to it, Dad. +Well, go on! Go berserk! GIVE US A CHANCE, Dad! +There is nothing we can do... Helpless... +He drove me mad! Easy, Dad! +Easy, Dad! "And his ""you'll never be a Berserk if you lose your temper""..." +"And his ""you'll never be a Berserk if you lose your temper""..." Dad! +Dad! I hate you! I hate you! +He's not in Valhalla! He died of old age! You liar! +Well I'M certainly not, either. Neither am I. +Well... I'm game. Me too. +Shut up. Erik's right! We'll all meet in Valhalla. +Thorfinn! You can't die! I'm not frightened... of anything... +I'm not frightened... of anything... You'll see my grandfather in Valhalla! +You'll see my grandfather in Valhalla! No... he's not... not... there... +No... he's not... not... there... Tell him I'm coming! +And you've got BOTH axes? Yes, Mother. +Yes, Mother. And something to sharpen them with? +And something to sharpen them with? Yes, Mum. +Yes, Mum. And don't forget: never let your enemy get behind you. +And don't forget: never let your enemy get behind you. No, Mother. +No, Mother. And keep your sword greased. +And keep your sword greased. Yes, Mother. Goodbye, Dad. +And if you have to kill somebody, KILL them! Don't stop to think about it. I never do... +I don't know, honey. It's horrible. She's punishing me for being honest. I should just go to her house. +Maybe you need to look at this as a sign to move on. Just make a clean break. I don't know. I'm so... I can't believe she'd be so goddamn immature! +You weren't supposed to see that. They can't erase memories. It's a joke. It's a nasty Clementine hoax. +They can't erase memories. It's a joke. It's a nasty Clementine hoax. Sweetie, we called the company. +Thanks, guys. I hope you feel better, sweetie. +I hope you feel better, sweetie. Yeah. +Yeah. Say hi to Naomi. +I'm sorry Naomi couldn't make it. You okay? You seem quiet. Just a little overworked, maybe. +I remember you turned around. Your face was dark and your hair was backlit -- I could see a halo of frizz -- you asked me if things were okay between Naomi and me. I did. You said, things were fine. +I did. You said, things were fine. I remember. +I remember. This is the night you met Clementine, Joel. I remember watching you walk down the beach with her and I thought, oh shit. +This is the night you met Clementine, Joel. I remember watching you walk down the beach with her and I thought, oh shit. Yeah, you told me that later. +Yeah, you told me that later. I told you that later. +Who was the girl you walked off with? No one. +Shit. The last time I saw you. Anyhoo, sweetie, I done a bad thing. I kinda sorta wrecked your car... +But I thought, I don't know, I thought it was cool that you were sensitive enough to know what I was feeling and that you were attracted to it. But, I don't know, maybe we're the normal ones, y'know? I mean, what kind of people do well at this stuff? +But, I don't know, maybe we're the normal ones, y'know? I mean, what kind of people do well at this stuff? And I just liked you so much. +And I just liked you so much. You did? You liked me? +No, it was lovely. Hi, Joel. So no jokes about my name? +May I help you? Yeah, hi, I have a one o'clock with Dr. Mierzwiak. Clementine Kruczynski. +Yeah, hi, I have a one o'clock with Dr. Mierzwiak. Clementine Kruczynski. Yes, please have a seat. He'll be right with you. +Ms. Kruczynski? Hi. +How are you today? Okay, I guess. +Okay, I guess. Here we are. +I just thought I'd say hi. I was in the neighborhood. You were not. +You were not. I was not. +Come over after I'm done here? I can't. I want to, but I have to study. +I can't. I want to, but I have to study. You rat. +You rat. I really want to, but tonight's important. Test tomorrow. +It's so cool. You're by far the most sensational person in the room. In the room? +In the room? In the world. +Oh, baby, what's going on? I don't know. I'm lost. I'm scared. I feel like I'm disappearing. I'm getting old and nothing makes any sense to me. +I don't know. I'm lost. I'm scared. I feel like I'm disappearing. I'm getting old and nothing makes any sense to me. Oh, Tangerine. +Oh, Tangerine. Nothing makes any sense. Nothing makes any sense. +Come up to Boston with me? Sure. We'll go next weekend and -- +Sure. We'll go next weekend and -- Now. Now! I have to go now. I have to see the frozen Charles! Now! Tonight! +Now. Now! I have to go now. I have to see the frozen Charles! Now! Tonight! Um, okay. I'll call my study partner. +Um, okay. I'll call my study partner. Yay! It'll be great! I'll get my shit. +I'm so excited. Yay! I'm excited, too. Oh, and I wanted to give you this. It's a little... thing. +I didn't have a chance to wrap it. It's gorgeous. Just my taste. I've never gone out with a guy who brought me a piece of jewelry I liked. Thanks. So let's get going. Long drive. +What's wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with you. You're the most wonderful person I've ever met. +How are you today? Okay, I guess. +Okay, I guess. Well, why don't you tell me what's going on? Do you mind if I turn this on? +Well, I've been having a bad time of it with um, my boyfriend, I guess. You guess he's your boyfriend? Or you guess you're having a bad time with him? +You guess he's your boyfriend? Or you guess you're having a bad time with him? What? No. I don't like the term boyfriend. It's so gay. +Maybe gay isn't the right word. But, anyway, it's been rough with him... whatever the fuck he is. Heheh. My significant other... heh heh. And I guess on a certain level, I want to break it off, but I feel... y'know... it's like this constant questioning and re questioning. Do I end it? Should I give it more time? I'm not happy, but what do I expect? Relationships require work. You know the drill. The thing that I keep coming back to is, I'm not getting any younger, I want to have a baby... at some point... maybe... right? So then I think I should settle -- which is not necessarily the best word -- I mean, he's a good guy. It's not really settling. Then I think maybe I'm just a victim of movies, y'know? That I have some completely unrealistic notion of what a relationship can be. But then I think, no, this is what I really want, so I should allow myself the freedom to go out and fucking find it. You know? Agreed? But then I think he is a good guy and... It's complicated. Y'know? I think I know. I think we can help. Why don't you start by telling me about your relationship. Everything you can think of. Everything about him. Everything about you. And we'll take it from there. +I'm sorry. Why? +Why? Why what? +Why what? Why are you sorry? I just said hi. +Why are you sorry? I just said hi. No, I didn't know if you were talking to me, so... +Really? Well, I didn't want to assume. +Well, I didn't want to assume. Aw, c'mon, live dangerously. Take the leap and assume someone is talking to you in an otherwise empty car. +Aw, c'mon, live dangerously. Take the leap and assume someone is talking to you in an otherwise empty car. Anyway. Sorry. Hi. +It's okay if I sit closer? So I don't have to scream. Not that I don't need to scream sometimes, believe me. But I don't want to bug you if you're trying to write or something. No, I mean, I don't know. I can't really think of much to say probably. +No, I mean, I don't know. I can't really think of much to say probably. Oh. So... +I mean, it's okay if you want to sit down here. I didn't mean to -- No, I don't want to bug you if you're trying to -- +No, I don't want to bug you if you're trying to -- It's okay, really. +It's okay, really. Just, you know, to chat a little, maybe. I have a long trip ahead of me. How far are you going? On the train, I mean, of course. +Just, you know, to chat a little, maybe. I have a long trip ahead of me. How far are you going? On the train, I mean, of course. Rockville Center. +Rockville Center. Get out! Me too! What are the odds? +Get out! Me too! What are the odds? The weirder part is I think actually I recognize you. I thought that earlier in the diner. That's why I was looking at you. You work at Borders, right? +The weirder part is I think actually I recognize you. I thought that earlier in the diner. That's why I was looking at you. You work at Borders, right? Ucch, really? You're kidding. God. Bizarre small world, huh? Yeah, that's me: book slave there for, like, five years now. +Ucch, really? You're kidding. God. Bizarre small world, huh? Yeah, that's me: book slave there for, like, five years now. Really? Because -- +Really? Because -- Jesus, is it five years? I gotta quit right now. +Jesus, is it five years? I gotta quit right now. -- because I go there all the time. I don't think I ever saw you before. +-- because I go there all the time. I don't think I ever saw you before. Well, I'm there. I hide in the back as much as is humanly possible. You have a cell phone? I need to quit right this minute. I'll call in dead. +Well, I'm there. I hide in the back as much as is humanly possible. You have a cell phone? I need to quit right this minute. I'll call in dead. I don't have one. +I don't have one. I'll go on the dole. Like my daddy before me. +I'll go on the dole. Like my daddy before me. I noticed your hair. I guess it made an impression on me, that's why I was pretty sure I recognized you. +I noticed your hair. I guess it made an impression on me, that's why I was pretty sure I recognized you. Ah, the hair. Blue, right? It's called Blue Ruin. The color. Snappy name, huh? +Ah, the hair. Blue, right? It's called Blue Ruin. The color. Snappy name, huh? I like it. +I like it. Blue ruin is cheap gin in case you were wondering. +Blue ruin is cheap gin in case you were wondering. Yeah. Tom Waits says it in -- +Yeah. Tom Waits says it in -- Exactly! Tom Waits. Which song? +Exactly! Tom Waits. Which song? I can't remember. +I can't remember. Anyway, this company makes a whole line of colors with equally snappy names. Red Menace, Yellow Fever, Green Revolution. That'd be a job, coming up with those names. How do you get a job like that? That's what I'll do. Fuck the dole. +Anyway, this company makes a whole line of colors with equally snappy names. Red Menace, Yellow Fever, Green Revolution. That'd be a job, coming up with those names. How do you get a job like that? That's what I'll do. Fuck the dole. I don't really know how -- +I don't really know how -- Purple Haze, Pink Eraser. +Purple Haze, Pink Eraser. You think that could possibly be a full time job? How many hair colors could there be? +You think that could possibly be a full time job? How many hair colors could there be? Someone's got that job. Agent Orange! I came up with that one. Anyway, there are endless color possibilities and I'd be great at it. +Someone's got that job. Agent Orange! I came up with that one. Anyway, there are endless color possibilities and I'd be great at it. I'm sure you would. +I'm sure you would. My writing career! Your hair written by Clementine Kruczynski. The Tom Waits album is Rain Dogs. +My writing career! Your hair written by Clementine Kruczynski. The Tom Waits album is Rain Dogs. You sure? That doesn't sound -- +You sure? That doesn't sound -- I think. Anyway, I've tried all their colors. More than once. I'm getting too old for this. But it keeps me from having to develop an actual personality. I apply my personality in a paste. You? +I think. Anyway, I've tried all their colors. More than once. I'm getting too old for this. But it keeps me from having to develop an actual personality. I apply my personality in a paste. You? Oh, I doubt that's the case. +Oh, I doubt that's the case. Well, you don't know me, so... you don't know, do you? +Well, you don't know me, so... you don't know, do you? Sorry. I was just trying to be nice. +Sorry. I was just trying to be nice. Yeah, I got it. +My name's Clementine, by the way. I'm Joel. +I'm Joel. No jokes about my name? Oh, you wouldn't do that; you're trying to be nice. +No jokes about my name? Oh, you wouldn't do that; you're trying to be nice. I don't know any jokes about your name. +I don't know any jokes about your name. Huckleberry Hound? +Huckleberry Hound? I don't know what that means. +I don't know what that means. Huckleberry Hound! What, are you nuts? +Huckleberry Hound! What, are you nuts? I'm not nuts. +I'm not nuts. Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine? No? +Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine? No? "Sorry. It's a pretty name, though. It means ""merciful"", right?" +"Sorry. It's a pretty name, though. It means ""merciful"", right?" Yeah. Although it hardly fits. I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told. +Yeah. Although it hardly fits. I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told. See, I wouldn't think that about you. +See, I wouldn't think that about you. Why wouldn't you think that about me? +Why wouldn't you think that about me? Oh. I don't know. I was just... I don't know. I was... You seemed nice, so -- +Oh. I don't know. I was just... I don't know. I was... You seemed nice, so -- Now I'm nice? Don't you know any other adjectives? There's careless and snotty and overbearing and argumentative... mumpish. +Now I'm nice? Don't you know any other adjectives? There's careless and snotty and overbearing and argumentative... mumpish. Well, anyway... Sorry. +I don't need nice. I don't need myself to be it and I don't need anyone else to be it at me. Okay. +Okay. Shit. Shit. I know it's here. Hold on. +Joel? It's Joel, right? Yes? +Yes? I'm sorry I... yelled at you. Was it yelling? I can't really tell. Whatever, I'm a little out of sorts today. +I'm sorry I... yelled at you. Was it yelling? I can't really tell. Whatever, I'm a little out of sorts today. That's okay. +That's okay. "My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice. Right now, anyway. I can't tell from one moment to the next what I'm going to like. But right now I'm glad you said, ""that's okay"" to me. That was nice of you." +"My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice. Right now, anyway. I can't tell from one moment to the next what I'm going to like. But right now I'm glad you said, ""that's okay"" to me. That was nice of you." It's no problem. Anyway, I have some stuff I need to -- +It's no problem. Anyway, I have some stuff I need to -- Oh, okay. Well, sure, I'll just... Take care, then. +Oh, okay. Well, sure, I'll just... Take care, then. Probably see you at the book store. +Probably see you at the book store. Unless I get that hair-color-naming job. +Hi. I could give you a ride if you need. No, that's okay. Thanks, though. +No, that's okay. Thanks, though. You're sure? It's cold. +You're sure? It's cold. I don't want to take you out of your way. +I don't want to take you out of your way. It's okay. +It's okay. Yeah? +Where do you live? You're not a stalker or anything, right? +You're not a stalker or anything, right? Well, I probably wouldn't say if I were, but no. +Well, I probably wouldn't say if I were, but no. You can't be too careful. I've been stalked. I've been told I'm highly stalkable. I don't need that. +You can't be too careful. I've been stalked. I've been told I'm highly stalkable. I don't need that. I'm not a stalker. +I'm not a stalker. You know Wilmont? +You know Wilmont? Yeah. +Yeah. Wilmont. Near the high school. +Look, I'm very sorry I came off sort of nutso. I'm not really. It's okay. I didn't think you were. +So you like bookstores, huh? I like to read. +I like to read. Me too. It is Rain Dogs, by the way. +Me too. It is Rain Dogs, by the way. Yeah? I can't remember that album very well. I remember liking it. But -- +Yeah? I can't remember that album very well. I remember liking it. But -- "The song's 9th and Hennepin. I spent most of the train ride trying to remember. ""Till you're full of rag water and bitters and blue ruin/And you spill out/Over the side to anyone who'll listen."" Remember?" +"The song's 9th and Hennepin. I spent most of the train ride trying to remember. ""Till you're full of rag water and bitters and blue ruin/And you spill out/Over the side to anyone who'll listen."" Remember?" Sort of, um... +Sort of, um... "Remember? ""And you take on the dreams of the ones who have slept there/And I'm lost in the window/I hide on the stairway/I hang in the curtain/I sleep in your hat..."" Oh, shit. I'm so stupid. Sorry." +"Remember? ""And you take on the dreams of the ones who have slept there/And I'm lost in the window/I hide on the stairway/I hang in the curtain/I sleep in your hat..."" Oh, shit. I'm so stupid. Sorry." What? +What? "I'm just a bit of a wreck. ""I sleep in your hat"" makes me cry. Me." +Thanks very much. That was very nice of you. Well, I wouldn't want to be -- +Well, I wouldn't want to be -- Oh, geez, I'm full of shit. I already told you that. Anyway. See Ya. +Take care. Hey, do you want to have a drink? I have lots of drinks. And I could -- +Hey, do you want to have a drink? I have lots of drinks. And I could -- Um -- +Um -- Never mind. Sorry, that was stupid. I'm embarrassed. Good night, Joel. +You like that? Very much. +Very much. This... someone gave that to me, just like, recently. I like it, too. I like crows. I think I used to be a crow. +Thanks. That was good, that crow sound. Do you believe in that stuff? Reincarnation? +Do you believe in that stuff? Reincarnation? I don't know. +I don't know. Me neither. Oh, there's an inscription on the back. The way a crow/Shook down on me/The dust of snow/From a hemlock tree/Has given my heart/A change of mood/And saved some part/Of a day I rued. +Me neither. Oh, there's an inscription on the back. The way a crow/Shook down on me/The dust of snow/From a hemlock tree/Has given my heart/A change of mood/And saved some part/Of a day I rued. Frost? +Frost? Yeah. I'm not, like, a Robert Frost lover by any stretch. His stuff seems strictly grade school to me. But this made me cry for some reason. Maybe because it is grade school. Y'know? +Yeah. I'm not, like, a Robert Frost lover by any stretch. His stuff seems strictly grade school to me. But this made me cry for some reason. Maybe because it is grade school. Y'know? It's pretty. +It's pretty. I miss grade school. I don't know why I'm calling it grade school all of a sudden. When I went we called it elementary school. But I like grade school better. Sounds like something someone from the forties would call it. I'd like to be from then. Everyone wore hats. Anyway, cheers! +I miss grade school. I don't know why I'm calling it grade school all of a sudden. When I went we called it elementary school. But I like grade school better. Sounds like something someone from the forties would call it. I'd like to be from then. Everyone wore hats. Anyway, cheers! Cheers. +God, that feels so fucking good. Take yours off. I'm fine. +I'm fine. Yeah? Well, have a seat, anyway. +Ready for another? No, I'm okay for now. +What do you want to hear? You pick it. +You pick it. You just say. I'm not really -- +You just say. I'm not really -- I don't know! I can't see them from here, Joel! Just pick something good. +Well, I should probably get going. No, stay. Just for a little while. Refill? +No, stay. Just for a little while. Refill? No. I -- +No. I -- I know a man who needs a refill. +Thanks. Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant. +Y'know, I'm sort of psychic. Yeah? +Yeah? Well, I go to a psychic and she's always telling me I'm psychic. She should know. Do you believe in that stuff? +Well, I go to a psychic and she's always telling me I'm psychic. She should know. Do you believe in that stuff? I don't know. +I don't know. Me neither. But sometimes I have premonitions, so, I don't know. Maybe that's just coincidence. Right? Y'know, you think something and then it happens, or you think a word and then someone says it? Y'know? +Me neither. But sometimes I have premonitions, so, I don't know. Maybe that's just coincidence. Right? Y'know, you think something and then it happens, or you think a word and then someone says it? Y'know? Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to know. +Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to know. Exactly. Exactly! That's exactly my feeling about it. It's hard to know. Like, okay, but how many times do I think something and it doesn't happen? That's what you're saying, right? You forget about those times. Right? +Exactly. Exactly! That's exactly my feeling about it. It's hard to know. Like, okay, but how many times do I think something and it doesn't happen? That's what you're saying, right? You forget about those times. Right? Yeah, I guess. +Yeah, I guess. But I think I am. I like to think I am. +But I think I am. I like to think I am. It's helpful to think there's some order to things. You're kind of closed mouthed, aren't you? +It's helpful to think there's some order to things. You're kind of closed mouthed, aren't you? Sorry. My life isn't that interesting. I go to work. I go home. I don't know what to say. +Sorry. My life isn't that interesting. I go to work. I go home. I don't know what to say. Oh. Does that make you sad? Or anxious? I'm always anxious thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest, y'know? Taking advantage of every possibility? Just making sure that I'm not wasting one second of the little time I have. +Oh. Does that make you sad? Or anxious? I'm always anxious thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest, y'know? Taking advantage of every possibility? Just making sure that I'm not wasting one second of the little time I have. I think about that. +You're really nice. I'm sorry I yelled at you before about it. God, I'm an idiot. I do have a tendency to use that word too much. +I do have a tendency to use that word too much. I like you. That's the thing about my psychic thing. I think that's my greatest psychic power, that I get a sense about people. My problem is I never trust it. But I get it. And with you I get that you're a really good guy. +I like you. That's the thing about my psychic thing. I think that's my greatest psychic power, that I get a sense about people. My problem is I never trust it. But I get it. And with you I get that you're a really good guy. Thanks. +Thanks. And, anyway, you sell yourself short. I can tell. There's a lot of stuff going on in your brain. I can tell. My goal... can I tell you my goal? +And, anyway, you sell yourself short. I can tell. There's a lot of stuff going on in your brain. I can tell. My goal... can I tell you my goal? Yeah. +Yeah. What's the goal, Joel? My goal, Joel, is to just let it flow through me? Do you know what I mean? It's like, there's all these emotions and ideas and they come quick and they change and they leave and they come back in a different form and I think we're all taught we should be consistent. Y'know? You love someone -- that's it. Forever. You choose to do something with your life -- that's it, that's what you do. It's a sign of maturity to stick with that and see things through. And my feeling is that's how you die, because you stop listening to what is true, and what is true is constantly changing. You know? +What's the goal, Joel? My goal, Joel, is to just let it flow through me? Do you know what I mean? It's like, there's all these emotions and ideas and they come quick and they change and they leave and they come back in a different form and I think we're all taught we should be consistent. Y'know? You love someone -- that's it. Forever. You choose to do something with your life -- that's it, that's what you do. It's a sign of maturity to stick with that and see things through. And my feeling is that's how you die, because you stop listening to what is true, and what is true is constantly changing. You know? Yeah. I think so. It's hard to -- +Yeah. I think so. It's hard to -- Like I wanted to talk to you. I didn't need any more reason to do it. Who knows what bigger cosmic reason might exist? +Like I wanted to talk to you. I didn't need any more reason to do it. Who knows what bigger cosmic reason might exist? Yeah. +Yeah. You're very nice. God, I have to stop saying that. You're nervous around me, huh? +You're very nice. God, I have to stop saying that. You're nervous around me, huh? No. +No. I'm nervous. You don't need to be nervous around me, though. I like you. Do you think I'm repulsively fat? +I'm nervous. You don't need to be nervous around me, though. I like you. Do you think I'm repulsively fat? No, not at all. +No, not at all. I don't either. I used to. But I'm through with that. Y'know, if I don't love my body, then I'm just lost. You know? With all the wrinkles and scars and the general falling apart that's coming 'round the bend. So, I've been seeing this guy... +Well, for the last week, anyway! He's kind of a kid. Kind of a goofball, but he's really stuck on me, which is flattering. Who wouldn't like that? And he's, like, a dope, but he says these smart and moving things sometimes, out of nowhere, that just break my heart. He's the one who gave me that crow photograph. Oh, yeah. +Oh, yeah. That made me cry. But, anyway, we went up to Boston, because I had this urge to lie on my back on the Charles River. It gets frozen this time of year. +That made me cry. But, anyway, we went up to Boston, because I had this urge to lie on my back on the Charles River. It gets frozen this time of year. That's scary sounding. +That's scary sounding. Exactly! I used to do it in college and I had this urge to go do it again, so I got Patrick and we drove all night to get there and he was sweet and said nice things to me, but I was really disappointment to be there with him. Y'know? And that's where psychic stuff comes in. Like, it just isn't right with him. Y'know? +Exactly! I used to do it in college and I had this urge to go do it again, so I got Patrick and we drove all night to get there and he was sweet and said nice things to me, but I was really disappointment to be there with him. Y'know? And that's where psychic stuff comes in. Like, it just isn't right with him. Y'know? I think so. +I think so. I don't believe in that soulmate crap anymore, but... he says so many great things. We like the same writers. This writer Stephen Dixon he turned me on to. And he's cute. It's fucked up. Joel, you should come up to the Charles with me sometime. +I don't believe in that soulmate crap anymore, but... he says so many great things. We like the same writers. This writer Stephen Dixon he turned me on to. And he's cute. It's fucked up. Joel, you should come up to the Charles with me sometime. Okay. +Okay. Yeah? Oh, great! +I'll pack a picnic -- a night picnic -- night picnics are different -- and -- Sounds good. But right now I should go. +Sounds good. But right now I should go. You should stay. +You should stay. I have to get up early in the morning tomorrow, so... +I have to get up early in the morning tomorrow, so... Okay. +I would like you to call me. Would you do that? I would like that. Yes. +So, I enjoyed meeting you. You'll call me, right? +You'll call me, right? Yeah. +Yeah. When? +When? Tomorrow? +Tomorrow? Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines and all. +Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines and all. Okay. +How could she have done this to me? How could anyone do this to anyone? You didn't say anything about my hair. +Yo ho ho! It's three. +I can't believe you wrecked my car. You're driving drunk. It's pathetic. ...a little. I was a little tipsy. Don't call me pathetic. +...a little. I was a little tipsy. Don't call me pathetic. Well it is pathetic. And fucking irresponsible. You could've killed somebody. +I don't know, maybe you did kill somebody. Oh Christ I didn't kill anybody. It's just a fucking dent. You're like some old lady or something. +A wino? Jesus, Are you from the fifties? A wino! Face it, Joel. You're freaked out because I was out late without you, and in your little wormy brain, you're trying to figure out, did she fuck someone tonight? No, see, Clem, I assume you fucked someone tonight. Isn't that how you get people to like you? +Let me drive you home. Fuck you, Joel. Faggot. +Fuck you, Joel. Faggot. Look at it out here. It's falling apart. I'm erasing you. And I'm happy. +How can you watch this crap? Where are you going? +Where are you going? I'm fucking crawling out of my skin. +Oh shit. I remember this. Want to go? I want to have a baby. +I want to have a baby. Let's talk about it later. +Let's talk about it later. No. I want to have a baby. I have to have a baby. +No. I want to have a baby. I have to have a baby. I don't think we're ready. +I don't think we're ready. You're not ready. +You're not ready. Clementine, do you really think you could take care of a kid? +What?! I don't want to talk about this here. +I don't want to talk about this here. Joel, We're fucking gonna talk about it! +You can't fucking say something like that and say you don't want to talk about it! Clem, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have -- +Clem, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have -- I'd make a fucking good mother! I love children! I'm creative and smart and I'd make a fucking good mother! +Oh, thank God. It's going. It's you! It's you who can't commit to anything! You have no idea how lucky you are I'm interested in you! I don't even know why I am! I should just end it right here, Joel. Leave you in the zoo. Maybe you could find a nice sloth to hang out with! +So, um -- Would you get me another, Joely? +You're drunk. You're a whiz kid. So perceptive, so -- +You don't tell me things, Joel. I'm an open book. I tell you everything. Every damn embarrassing thing. You don't trust me. No, it isn't that. +No, it isn't that. I want to know you. +I want to know you. I just don't have anything very interesting about my life. +I just don't have anything very interesting about my life. Joel, you're a liar. +More? No. Thanks. +Joely... Yeah, Tangerine? +Yeah, Tangerine? Do you know The Velveteen Rabbit? +Do you know The Velveteen Rabbit? No. +No. "It's my favorite book. Since I was a kid. It's about these toys. There's this part where the skin Horse tells the rabbit what it means to be real. I can't believe I'm crying already. He says, ""It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.""" +Such a beautiful view. Yes indeed. Fuck! They're erasing you, Clem! +Yes indeed. Fuck! They're erasing you, Clem! Oh? +Oh? I hired them to. We're in my brain. But I want it to stop, before I wake up and don't know you anymore. +I hired them to. We're in my brain. But I want it to stop, before I wake up and don't know you anymore. Wow. Um, well... can't you just force yourself awake? +Wow. Um, well... can't you just force yourself awake? I don't know. +What if you hide me? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Well... if they're looking for me in memories I'm in, what if you take me to a memory I'm not in? And we can hide there till morning. +I want my mommy. I don't want to lose you, Clem. I'm right here. +I'm right here. I'm scared. I want my mommy. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose... +I'm scared. I want my mommy. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose... Joel, Joely, look... it's not fading. The memory. I think we're hidden. +You know, we're okay. They're not finding us. You'll remember me in the morning. And you'll come to me and tell me about us and we'll start over. I loved you so much this day. On my bed in your panties. I remember I thought, how impossibly lucky am I to have you on my bed in your panties. +You remember what happened next? I came over to the bed and you smelled so good, like you just woke up, slightly sweaty. And I climbed on the bed with you and you said something like -- +I came over to the bed and you smelled so good, like you just woke up, slightly sweaty. And I climbed on the bed with you and you said something like -- -- another rainy day. Whatever shall we do? +There's this guy! What? +What? There's this guy. I heard him talking in my apartment. He's one of the eraser guys. And he fell for you when they were erasing you, so he introduced himself the next day as if he were a stranger and now you're dating him. +There's this guy. I heard him talking in my apartment. He's one of the eraser guys. And he fell for you when they were erasing you, so he introduced himself the next day as if he were a stranger and now you're dating him. Really? Is he cute? +Really? Is he cute? He stole a pair of your panties while you were being erased! +He stole a pair of your panties while you were being erased! Gross! You must remember to tell me this in the morning. I'm, like, so freaked out now. +But can't you see... I love you, Antoine. Don't call me Antoine. My name is Wally. +Don't call me Antoine. My name is Wally. Yes, but I can't love a man named Wally. +They found us before. The plan didn't work. I don't know what to do now. Hide me somewhere deeper? Somewhere buried? +Look at you, cutey! What are we doing? This kid, Joe Early, is going to beat the shit out of me. +Joel! I don't like it either, but I'm just trying to find horrible secret place to -- +Happy Birthday. Thanks, Joely. A present! Oh boy! +I scoured the city for it. I love it! +I'm done, Clem. I'm just going to ride it out. Hiding is clearly not working. Yeah. +Yeah. I want to enjoy my little time left with you. +I want to enjoy my little time left with you. "This is our first ""date"" date." +"This is our first ""date"" date." Do you remember what we talked about? +Do you remember what we talked about? Naomi, I guess. +Naomi, I guess. Yeah. +Yeah. What was I wearing? +What was I wearing? God, I should know. Your hair was red. I remember it matched the wallpaper. +God, I should know. Your hair was red. I remember it matched the wallpaper. Egad, were you horrified? +Egad, were you horrified? No! I think you were wearing that black dress, y'know, with the buttons. +Right. Something black though. I'll buy that. Black's always good. +I'll buy that. Black's always good. We did talk about Naomi. +We did talk about Naomi. I said: Are you sure? You seem unsure. +I said: Are you sure? You seem unsure. I'm sure, I said. +I'm sure, I said. But you weren't. I could tell. +But you weren't. I could tell. I was so nervous. I remember I couldn't think of anything to say. There were long silences. +I thought I was foolish. I thought I'd mistaken infatuation for love. You said: So what. Infatuation is good, too. +So what. Infatuation is good, too. And I didn't have an argument. +I dropped you off after. You said -- Come up and see me... now. +Come up and see me... now. It's very late. +It's very late. Yes, exactly. Exactly my point. +I told her today I need to end it. Is that what you want? +Is that what you want? I did it. I guess that means something. +I didn't think you'd show your face around me again. I figured you were humiliated. You did run away, after all. Sorry to track you down like this. I'm not a stalker. But I needed to see you. +Sorry to track you down like this. I'm not a stalker. But I needed to see you. Yeah? +Yeah? I'd like to... take you out or something. +I'd like to... take you out or something. Well, you're married. +Well, you're married. Not yet. Not married. +Not yet. Not married. Look, man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high maintenance. So I'm not going to tiptoe around your marriage or whatever it is you got going there. If you want to be with me, you're with me. +Look, man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high maintenance. So I'm not going to tiptoe around your marriage or whatever it is you got going there. If you want to be with me, you're with me. Okay. +Okay. So make your domestic decisions and maybe we'll talk again. +Joel, I'm not a concept. I want you to just keep that in your head. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked-up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours. I remember that speech really well. +I remember that speech really well. I had you pegged, didn't I? +I had you pegged, didn't I? You had the whole human race pegged. +You had the whole human race pegged. Probably. +Probably. I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that. +I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that. I know. +I know. It would be different, if we could just give it another go around. +It would be different, if we could just give it another go around. Remember me. Try your best. Maybe we can. +Hi there. Hi. +You said... I saw you sitting over here. By yourself. I thought, thank God, someone normal, who doesn't know how interact at these things either. +I saw you sitting over here. By yourself. I thought, thank God, someone normal, who doesn't know how interact at these things either. Yeah. I don't ever know what to say. +Yeah. I don't ever know what to say. I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. I mean, I don't mean I'm happy you're uncomfortable, but, yknow... I'm such a loser. Every time I come to a party I tell myself I'm going to be different and it's always exactly the same and then I hate myself after for being such a clod. +I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. I mean, I don't mean I'm happy you're uncomfortable, but, yknow... I'm such a loser. Every time I come to a party I tell myself I'm going to be different and it's always exactly the same and then I hate myself after for being such a clod. Even then I didn't believe you entirely. I thought how could you be talking to me if you couldn't talk to people? +You know what I did. Yeah, I know. I'm fishing. +Yeah, I know. I'm fishing. You said -- +I'm Clementine. Can I borrow a piece of your chicken? And you picked it out of my plate before I could answer and it felt so intimate like we were already lovers. +Oh God, how horrid. I'm Joel. +You mean, like... Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', Clementine... ? Huckleberry Hound? That sort of thing? Yeah, like that. +Yeah, like that. Nope. No jokes. My favorite thing when I was a kid was my Huckleberry Hound doll. I think your name is magic. +This is it, Joel. It's gonna be gone soon. I know. +I know. What do we do? +What do we do? Enjoy it. Say good-bye. +No, I stopped. I didn't want to feel like I was being artificially modulated. I know what you mean. That's why I stopped. +I know what you mean. That's why I stopped. But my sleeping is really fucked up. +But my sleeping is really fucked up. I don't think I've slept in a year. +I don't think I've slept in a year. You should try Xanax. I mean, it's a chemical and all, but it works... and it works just having it around, knowing that it's there. Like insurance. +You should try Xanax. I mean, it's a chemical and all, but it works... and it works just having it around, knowing that it's there. Like insurance. yeah? +yeah? I'll give you a couple. See what you think. +I'll give you a couple. See what you think. Okay. +Okay. Have you ever read any Anna Akhmatova? +Have you ever read any Anna Akhmatova? I love her. +I love her. Really? Me, too! I don't meet people who even know who she is and I work in a book store. +Really? Me, too! I don't meet people who even know who she is and I work in a book store. I think she's great. +I think she's great. Me too. There's this poem -- +Me too. There's this poem -- Did this conversation come before or after we saw the house? +Did this conversation come before or after we saw the house? I think, before. +I think, before. Seems too coincidental that way. +Seems too coincidental that way. Yeah, maybe. +"Do you know her poem that starts ""Seaside gusts of wind,/And a house in which we don't live..." "Yeah, yeah. It goes ""Perhaps there is someone in this world to whom I could send all these lines""?" +"Yeah, yeah. It goes ""Perhaps there is someone in this world to whom I could send all these lines""?" Yes! I love that poem. It breaks my heart. I'm so excited you know it. Look, houses in which we don't live. +I wish we did. You married? Um, no. +Um, no. Let's move into this neighborhood. +I do sort of live with somebody though. Oh. +Male or female? Female. +Female. At least I haven't been barking up the wrong tree. +Cool. What are you doing? +What are you doing? It's freezing out here. +C'mon, man. The water's fine. Nobody's coming here tonight, believe me. This place is closed up. Electricity's off. I hesitated for what seemed like forever. +I hesitated for what seemed like forever. I could see you wanted to come in, Joel. +I knew. I knew by your nervousness that Naomi wasn't the kind of girl who forced you to criminally trespass. +I knew by your nervousness that Naomi wasn't the kind of girl who forced you to criminally trespass. It's dark. +It's dark. Yeah. What's your girlfriend's name? +Yeah. What's your girlfriend's name? Naomi. +Ah-ha! Now I can look for candles, matches, and the liquor cabinet. I think we should go. +I think we should go. No, it's our house! Just tonight -- -- we're David and Ruth Laskin. Which one do you want to be? I prefer to be Ruth but I'm flexible. Alcohol! You make drinks. I'm going find the bedroom and slip into something more Ruth. I'm ruthless at the moment. +So go. "I did. I walked out the door. I felt like I was a scared little kid. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation. You said, ""so go"" with such disdain." +"I did. I walked out the door. I felt like I was a scared little kid. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation. You said, ""so go"" with such disdain." What if you stay this time? +What if you stay this time? I walked out the door. There's no more memory. +I walked out the door. There's no more memory. Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one. +Bye, Joel. I love you. +So you'll call me, right? Yeah. +Yeah. When? +When? Tomorrow? +Tomorrow? Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines. +Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines. Yeah. +Don't worry. It's really solid this time of year. I don't know. +I don't know. What if it breaks? What if? +I think I should go back. Joel, come here. Please. +Listen, did you want to make love? Make love? +Make love? Have sex. Y'know -- +Have sex. Y'know -- Oh, um... +Oh, um... Because I just am not drunk enough or stoned enough to make that happen right now. +Because I just am not drunk enough or stoned enough to make that happen right now. That's okay. I -- +That's okay. I -- I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that. This seems like the perfect romantic exotic place to do it and -- +I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that. This seems like the perfect romantic exotic place to do it and -- Hey, Joel -- +Hey, Joel -- -- and I'm just too nervous around you right now. +-- and I'm just too nervous around you right now. I'm nervous, too. +I'm nervous, too. Yeah? I wouldn't have thought that. +Yeah? I wouldn't have thought that. Well, you obviously don't know me. +Well, you obviously don't know me. I'm nervous because I have and enormous crush on you. +Says you were closed off, non communicative, never told me what you were feeling. Says you were a bully... +Says you were a bully... A bully? Moi? +A bully? Moi? That's what it says. You drank too much, you picked on me for being passive and timid. +That's what it says. You drank too much, you picked on me for being passive and timid. Well, sounds like me. Sorry, man. Says you were jealous and suspicious. +Well, sounds like me. Sorry, man. Says you were jealous and suspicious. Says you would sometimes disappear all night, then brag to me about your sexual conquests. +Says you would sometimes disappear all night, then brag to me about your sexual conquests. "Did I use the term ""sexual conquests"" or is that your way of putting it." +"Did I use the term ""sexual conquests"" or is that your way of putting it." I don't know. +I don't know. Doesn't sound like me. +Doesn't sound like me. Says you were a slob, leaving trails of panties and dirty socks in your wake. +Says you were a slob, leaving trails of panties and dirty socks in your wake. Says you were constantly calling me a slob. It's sexy that we were like a married couple, griping and overly-familiar and bored. Don't you think? +Says you were constantly calling me a slob. It's sexy that we were like a married couple, griping and overly-familiar and bored. Don't you think? I sort of do. But I only see it as a fantasy version of reality. Cleaned up enough to be erotic. +I sort of do. But I only see it as a fantasy version of reality. Cleaned up enough to be erotic. We should have sex. It's old hat for us. +"You're still excited by my irreverence. You haven't yet started to think of it as my ""gratuitous need to shock.""" I can't stop thinking about you. +I can't stop thinking about you. Yay. Meet me after work by the old mill. +Yay. Meet me after work by the old mill. What old mill? Is that somewhere we -- +What old mill? Is that somewhere we -- I just wanted to say that. Come by my house. +What took you so long? I just walked in. +I just walked in. Hmmm. Do you miss me? +Hmmm. Do you miss me? Oddly enough, I do. +Oddly enough, I do. Ha Ha! You said, I do. I guess that means we're married. +Ha Ha! You said, I do. I guess that means we're married. I guess so. +I guess so. Tomorrow night... honeymoon on ice. +Yeah? Did you send this? Is it a joke? +Did you send this? Is it a joke? I probably got the same thing as you. +I probably got the same thing as you. I mean, I haven't even told anyone I've met you. Who would even know to do this? +I mean, I haven't even told anyone I've met you. Who would even know to do this? Maybe it's true then. It's my voice on the tape. +Maybe it's true then. It's my voice on the tape. That's what you have to say? How could it be true? I never even heard of any procedure like this. It's a joke. +It's true. I know. I spoke to my friend Magda. +Look, I have to go. I have to think. Joel, we've fucked. We've made love. Like a million times. And we were so sweet and shy and inept with each other last night. Isn't that lovely? +Hi, it's Joel. Hey, lover. Whatcha doing? +Hey, lover. Whatcha doing? I'm just, y'know, passing the time best I can till I can see you. +I'm just, y'know, passing the time best I can till I can see you. God, I can't believe I ever hated you. +God, I can't believe I ever hated you. You must have been crazy. +You must have been crazy. Guess what I'm wearing. +Guess what I'm wearing. I don't know. Panties and -- +I don't know. Panties and -- Your dried cum. +Your dried cum. Jesus. +Hi, Naomi, it's Joel. Hi. +Hi. How's it going? +How's it going? Good. I called you at work today. They said you were home sick. +Good. I called you at work today. They said you were home sick. I know. I had to take the day to think. +I know. I had to take the day to think. Yeah, I tried you at home. Did you get my message? +Yeah, I tried you at home. Did you get my message? I just got in. +I just got in. Long day thinking. +That's me. There you are. Naomi, it's just... I'm afraid if we fall back into this fast without considering the problems we had... +It was snowing. There are two of them. Couldn't make them out. The orange glow of a cigarette. +The driver waved. So casual, friendly. I'm like a joke to them. +I might be making a mistake. Maybe I'm making a mistake. Maybe I just need to learn to live with this. First of all, I'll get over it. Secondly, it happened. Those who do not remember history are condemned to repeat it. Who said that? Churchill? I'm not sure. But I don't care. She did it to me. I have to rid myself of this. Fuck her. +Maybe I'm making a mistake. Maybe I just need to learn to live with this. First of all, I'll get over it. Secondly, it happened. Those who do not remember history are condemned to repeat it. Who said that? Churchill? I'm not sure. But I don't care. She did it to me. I have to rid myself of this. Fuck her. Fuck you, Clementine. +Pink. There was a number on it. I remember. AL 1718? I have to follow through with this. I have no choice. The pill was pink, I remember. It had some letters and numbers on it. What were they? AL 1718? AL something. Four digits. I don't like taking pills when I don't know what they are. I have no choice. +It's them. It's too late. +I should maybe talk to you. Clementine. I should just maybe talk to her. +I love you and if you knew that... if I told you what happened... I'll explain everything, what we meant to each other. I'll tell you everything about our time together. You'll know everything again and... Maybe if I just explain what happened, I wouldn't have to go through this and I could tell you everything and it would be like you knew and we could rebuild and we could be happy again and... +Clementine. That's your look for me. +Gotta get home. How could she do this to me? How could she not care about what we meant to each other. What a fuck! What a fucking monster she is! Oh, God. I miss her. I can't believe she's with that guy now! I'm never going to see her again. I love her so much. What a fucking monster she is! +So then she just stops calling. I wasn't going to call her. Not after the way she was. +I wasn't going to call her. Not after the way she was. Any messages, Carmen? +Right! She called me an old lady here, too! And I remember, I said... And what are you like? A wino? +How's the chicken? Is that like us? Are we just bored with each other? +She's so sexy. I loved you on this day. I love this memory. The rain. Us just hanging. +I can't. I have to go home. I'll do it later. I didn't want to do this. But I had to or they would've called me a girl. +Naomi. On the couch. Dark. Quiet. I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake. I almost reached for the phone about a thousand times. I thought I could take it back, erase it, explain I had momentarily lost my mind. Then I told myself we weren't happy. That was the truth. That what we were was safe. It was unfair to you and to me to stay in a relationship for that reason. I thought about Clementine and the spark when I was with her, but then I thought what you and I had was real and adult and therefore significant even if it wasn't much fun. But I wanted fun. I saw other people having fun and I wanted it. Then I thought fun is a lie, that no one is really having fun; I'm being suckered by advertising and movie bullshit... then I thought maybe not, maybe not. And then I thought, as I always do at this point in my argument, about dying. +Okay. I wish you could come. This is it. The night we met. My God, it's over. +Your back to me. In that orange sweatshirt I would come to know so well and even hate eventually. At the time I thought, how cool, an orange sweatshirt. I remember being drawn to you even then. I thought, I love this woman because she's alone down there looking out at the black ocean. +I remember being drawn to you even then. I thought, I love this woman because she's alone down there looking out at the black ocean. But I went back to my food. The next thing I remember, I felt someone sitting next to me and I saw the orange sleeve out of the corner of my eye. +So you're still on the Zoloft? Next thing I remember we were walking down near the surf. +Clementine. I couldn't believe you did that. I was paralyzed with fear. +I really should go. I really need to catch my ride. I didn't want to go. I was too nervous. I thought, maybe you were a nut. But you were exciting. You called from upstairs. +We'll start with your most recent memories and go backwards -- There is an emotional core to each of our memories -- As we eradicate this core, it starts its degradation process -- By the time you wake up in the morning, all memories we've targeted will have withered and disappeared. Like a dream upon waking. Is there any sort of risk of brain damage? +Is there any sort of risk of brain damage? Well, technically, the procedure itself is brain damage, but on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss. +I'm sorry you saw one of our notification cards. You never should have. Well... I did. +Well... I did. We can help you through this. Why don't you start now by telling me everything you can remember about your relationship with Clementine. +We can help you through this. Why don't you start now by telling me everything you can remember about your relationship with Clementine. It was a mess. I don't know how it got this way... +We can help you through this. Why don't you start now by telling me everything you can remember about -- You have to stop this! +You have to stop this! What? What do you mean? +What? What do you mean? I'm trapped in my head and everything I love is being erased! Stop it now! +I'm trapped in my head and everything I love is being erased! Stop it now! Yes, but... I'm just something you're imagining. What can I do? I'm in your head, too. +Yours? You take it. I don't know. +Naomi, I really value our relationship. I hope it's possible for us to stay in touch. Don't do this to me now, Joel. Really. +So what's going on, Joel? I don't know, I've just been thinking, maybe we're not happy with each other. +I don't know, I've just been thinking, maybe we're not happy with each other. What? +What? Y'know, we've been, I don't know, sort of, unhappy with each other and -- +Y'know, we've been, I don't know, sort of, unhappy with each other and -- "Don't say ""we"" when you mean ""you.""" +"Don't say ""we"" when you mean ""you.""" I think maybe, we're both so used to operating at this level that -- How can one person be unhappy? If one person is unhappy, both have to be... by definition. +I think maybe, we're both so used to operating at this level that -- How can one person be unhappy? If one person is unhappy, both have to be... by definition. Bullshit. Who is it? You met someone. +Bullshit. Who is it? You met someone. No. I just need some space, maybe. +No. I just need some space, maybe. The thing is, Joel, whatever it is you think you have with this chick, once the thrill wears off, you're just going to be Joel with the same fucking problems. +The thing is, Joel, whatever it is you think you have with this chick, once the thrill wears off, you're just going to be Joel with the same fucking problems. It's not somebody else. +Hi. Hi. +Hi. How was it? +How was it? You didn't miss much. Rob and Carrie say hello. +You didn't miss much. Rob and Carrie say hello. Hi, Rob and Carrie. +Hi, Rob and Carrie. Go back to sleep. +Yeah. Come to bed. I'm cold. In a minute. +So you don't mind? I've got to finish this chapter anyway. +Say hi to Rob and Carrie. Have some fun! I hope you get your work done. +I hope you get your work done. Yeah. +So... you haven't been involved with anyone in all this time? It's been a pretty lonely couple of years. +It's been a pretty lonely couple of years. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Well, it was my fault -- the break- up. I'm sorry. +Well, it was my fault -- the break- up. I'm sorry. Oh, sweetie. It really does cut both ways. We were taking each other for granted and -- +Oh, sweetie. It really does cut both ways. We were taking each other for granted and -- I miss you. +I miss you. Miss you, too. I have been seeing someone for a little while. +Miss you, too. I have been seeing someone for a little while. Oh! Great. That's great! +Oh! Great. That's great! A religion instructor at Columbia. A good guy. He's a good guy. +A religion instructor at Columbia. A good guy. He's a good guy. I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have -- +I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have -- I'm glad you called. +So you think the dissertation will get published? I don't know. I'm not sure there's a big public demand for books on Calvinism and Misogyny. +Okay, Joel. I suppose you're right. I had a good time last night. I really did. +I had a good time last night. I really did. So I'm going to get some sleep. I'm glad you're okay. +So I'm going to get some sleep. I'm glad you're okay. We'll speak soon. +We'll speak soon. 'Night. +Oh, hey, Patrick. Hi, Mary. How's it going? +Oh, Patrick, you didn't want any, did you? Nah, I don't know. +I love quotes. So did Winston Churchill. He actually has a quotation in Bartlett's about Bartlett's. Isn't that trippy? Yeah. Cool. +Yeah. Cool. """The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts.""" +"""The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts.""" Very cool. Trippy. +Very cool. Trippy. I like to read what smart people say. So many beautiful, important things. +Definitely! I think he'll be in Bartlett's one day. +Boo. Hi. +Stan... c'mon... Sorry. I just -- +Sorry. I just -- It's just... y'know... I mean... +It's just... y'know... I mean... I know. Anyway -- +I know. Anyway -- Anyway, I've got to do my tap dance here. +See you later, alligator. 'kay. +'kay. Hey, if you're ordering lunch for Mierzwiak, would you -- +Hey, if you're ordering lunch for Mierzwiak, would you -- I better do this, Stan. +It's freezing out. You found us okay? +You found us okay? Yeah. Poor guy. Have anything to drink? +Yeah. Poor guy. Have anything to drink? We haven't checked. +We haven't checked. Well, allow me to do the honors. It's fucking freezing and I need something. +Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil. Found it my Bartletts. That's a good one. +That's a good one. Yeah, I can't wait to tell Howard! It seems really appropriate. +Yeah, I can't wait to tell Howard! It seems really appropriate. It's a good one all right. +Yup. Don't you think Howard's like that? Smart? Important? +Don't you think Howard's like that? Smart? Important? Yup. +Let him go, Stan. I can help. Go. +It's amazing, isn't it? Such a gift Howard gave the world. Yeah. +Yeah. To let people begin again. It's beautiful. You look at a baby and it's so fresh, so clean, so free. And adults... they're like this messy tangle of anger and phobias and sadness... hopelessness. And Howard just makes it go away. +To let people begin again. It's beautiful. You look at a baby and it's so fresh, so clean, so free. And adults... they're like this messy tangle of anger and phobias and sadness... hopelessness. And Howard just makes it go away. You love him, don't you? +It's stopped. What? +What? Listen, it's not erasing. +It's not erasing. He's off the screen. Where? +Where? I don't know. He's not on the map. +I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do! Crap. Crap... Well, what should we do? +Well, what should we do? I don't know! I just said that! +I don't know! I just said that! Sor-ry We have to do something. He can't wake up half done. +Sor-ry We have to do something. He can't wake up half done. Shit! +No way. I can handle this. This guy's only half cooked. There's no time to fuck around, Stan. +He's coming? You better go. +You better go. Hell no. +Hey. Do you swear you didn't know? +Do you swear you didn't know? I swear. +I swear. And you never even suspected? Never saw us behaving in any unusual way together? +And you never even suspected? Never saw us behaving in any unusual way together? Once, maybe. +It was here. At his car. I was coming back from a job and spotted you together. You seemed caught. I waved. You giggled. How did I look? +How did I look? Happy. Happy with a secret. +And after that? I never saw you together like that again. So I figured I was imagining things. +I really like you, Mary. You know that. Do you remember anything else? What I was wearing? Was I standing close to him? Was I leaning against his car like I owned it? How did he look at me when I giggled? Tell me everything. +Do you remember anything else? What I was wearing? Was I standing close to him? Was I leaning against his car like I owned it? How did he look at me when I giggled? Tell me everything. You were in red. That red sweater with the little flowers, I think. You were leaning against his car. He looked a little like a kid. Kind of goofy and wide-eyed. I'd never seen him look like that before. Happy. You looked beautiful. You looked in love. +You were in red. That red sweater with the little flowers, I think. You were leaning against his car. He looked a little like a kid. Kind of goofy and wide-eyed. I'd never seen him look like that before. Happy. You looked beautiful. You looked in love. Thanks, Stan. +Oh. Hi. +Hi. What do you want, Stan? +What do you want, Stan? Can I... I brought some -- +What's this? Nothing. +Nothing. I know what it is. +I know what it is. Then why did you ask me? +Then why did you ask me? I don't know. I just -- there are a lot of really confused people showing up at the office. +I don't know. I just -- there are a lot of really confused people showing up at the office. They have a right to know. Howard is a thief. He steals the truth. I can't remember my baby! I can't remember my baby. It existed and I can't even remember. Do you understand that? +Mary, people come to him voluntarily. I won't allow it. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. What do you think of that? That's from my quote book. +I won't allow it. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. What do you think of that? That's from my quote book. The office is filled with people who want their memories re-erased. +The office is filled with people who want their memories re-erased. Remember the Alamo! Remember the Alamo! +Remember the Alamo! Remember the Alamo! Mary... please. This is hurting people. +Howard, your one o'clock. Thanks, Mary. You can bring her in. +Mary... Yes? +Yes? Order me a pastrami for after? +Order me a pastrami for after? Cole slaw, ice tea? +Cole slaw, ice tea? Thanks. +Thanks. Welcome, Howard. +Okay, we're back in. That was beautiful to watch, Howard. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist. +That was beautiful to watch, Howard. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist. Well, thank you, Mary. +Do you like quotes, Howard? How do you mean? +How do you mean? Oh, um, like famous quotes. I find reading them inspirational to me. And in my reading I've come across some I thought you might like, too. +Oh, um, like famous quotes. I find reading them inspirational to me. And in my reading I've come across some I thought you might like, too. Oh. Well, I'd love to hear some. +"Okay, um, there's one that goes ""Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.""" Is that Nietzsche? +Is that Nietzsche? Yeah, yeah it is, Howard. And here I was thinking I could tell you something you didn't know. +Yeah, yeah it is, Howard. And here I was thinking I could tell you something you didn't know. It's a good quote, Mary. I'm glad we both know it. +There's another one I like, I read. It's by Pope Alexander. Alexander Pope? +Alexander Pope? Yes, shit. Oops, sorry! Sorry. It's just I told myself I wasn't going to say Pope Alexander and sound like a dope and then I go ahead and do it. Like I psyched myself out. +Yes, shit. Oops, sorry! Sorry. It's just I told myself I wasn't going to say Pope Alexander and sound like a dope and then I go ahead and do it. Like I psyched myself out. It's no big deal. +It's no big deal. You are such a sweetheart. +That's lovely. Really? I thought it was appropriate maybe. That's all. I really admire the work that you do. I know it's not proper to be so familiar but I guess since we're outside the workplace I feel a certain liberty to -- +Really? I thought it was appropriate maybe. That's all. I really admire the work that you do. I know it's not proper to be so familiar but I guess since we're outside the workplace I feel a certain liberty to -- It's fine, Mary. I'm happy to hear it. +It's fine, Mary. I'm happy to hear it. Okay. Good. Great. Thanks. I like you, Howard... an awful lot. Is that terrible? +I've loved you for a very long time. I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that. I've got a wife, Mary. Kids. You know that. +I've got a wife, Mary. Kids. You know that. I wish I was your wife. I wish I had your kids. +We can't do this. No you're right. Once again. You're a decent man, Howard. +What, Howard? We... have a history. I'm sorry. You wanted the procedure. You wanted it done... to get past. I have to finish in there. It's almost morning. We'll talk later. +Thanks. So... do we talk about this... or what? I don't know what I'm supposed say, Mary. I want to do the right thing here. +I don't know what I'm supposed say, Mary. I want to do the right thing here. "Do you love me? Did you love me? Something. I listened to my tape. I can't believe I've been sitting right in front of it for a year. It's like listening to someone else's story. I mean, I hear myself talking about having sex with you and I can't even imagine you naked. I can't even say ""naked"" to you!" +"Do you love me? Did you love me? Something. I listened to my tape. I can't believe I've been sitting right in front of it for a year. It's like listening to someone else's story. I mean, I hear myself talking about having sex with you and I can't even imagine you naked. I can't even say ""naked"" to you!" I have a family, Mary. +I have a family, Mary. You made me have an abortion. +You made me have an abortion. It was a mutual decision. +It was a mutual decision. You made me have you erased! I loved you. I love you! How could you -- +You made me have you erased! I loved you. I love you! How could you -- I didn't make you. You thought it best. But, look, I take full responsibility. +Stan? What's going on? The guy we're doing? He's disappeared from the map. I can't find him anywhere. +The guy we're doing? He's disappeared from the map. I can't find him anywhere. Okay, what happened right before he disappeared? +Okay, what happened right before he disappeared? I was away from the monitor for a second. I had it on automatic. I had to go pee. +I was away from the monitor for a second. I had it on automatic. I had to go pee. Well, where was Patrick? +Well, where was Patrick? He went home sick. +He went home sick. Jesus. All right, what's the address. +Jesus. All right, what's the address. 1062 Sherman Drive. Apartment 1E, Rockville Center. +Ah, your journal. This will be invaluable. December 15th, 2004. I met someone tonight. Oh, Christ: I don't know what to do. Her name is Clementine and she's amazing. So alive and spontaneous and passionate and sensitive. Things with Naomi and I have been stagnant for so long. +Mary. What are you doing here? She came to help, Howard. +I tried that already. Did you try going through C-Gate? +Did you try going through C-Gate? Yeah. Of course. +You get some sleep, Howard. I'll take it from here. Yeah, probably a good idea. +Howard, they've disappeared again. Oh dear. +I'll go out for a smoke. If no one minds. That's fine, Stan. +So, I've got to drop the van off. Thanks, Stan. Thanks. +She should not have done this, Stan. As mad as she was... as justifiably -- I don't know what you're talking about, Howard. +I don't know what you're talking about, Howard. Mary has stolen our files and is sending them back to people. +Mary has stolen our files and is sending them back to people. Jesus. +Oh, hi. Hi, I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd see -- +Hi, I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd see -- I think he's in a conference. Unfortunately. I'm really sorry. +I think he's in a conference. Unfortunately. I'm really sorry. Would you just try him? You never know. As long as I'm here. You never know. +Would you just try him? You never know. As long as I'm here. You never know. Of course. Please have a seat. +This book -- It's essential that people read it because -- -- It's the truth. And only I know it. Maybe after the holidays then. +The voltage looks fine. Then check the connections. +Does that help? Yeah, that looks better. Thanks. +It's an apartment. Not a dump, then, but kind of plain. Uninspired. And there's a stale smell. Sort of stuffy. I don't know. Stuffy. +Not a dump, then, but kind of plain. Uninspired. And there's a stale smell. Sort of stuffy. I don't know. Stuffy. Patrick, let's just get through this. We have a long night ahead of us. +Patrick, let's just get through this. We have a long night ahead of us. Yeah. +Yeah? Just wanted to let you know. +Just wanted to let you know. I like Mary. I like when she comes to visit. I just don't think she likes me. +I like Mary. I like when she comes to visit. I just don't think she likes me. She likes you okay. +She likes you okay. I wonder if I should invite my girlfriend over, too. I have a girlfriend now. +I wonder if I should invite my girlfriend over, too. I have a girlfriend now. You can if you want. +You can if you want. Did I tell you I have a new girlfriend? +Did I tell you I have a new girlfriend? This one's history. Moving on... +This one's history. Moving on... The thing is... my situation is a little weird. My girlfriend situation. +The thing is... my situation is a little weird. My girlfriend situation. Patrick, we need to focus. +I gotta tell you something. I kind of fell in love with her last night. She was unconscious, Patrick. +She was unconscious, Patrick. She was beautiful. So sweet and funky and voluptuous. I kind of stole a pair of her panties, is what. +She was beautiful. So sweet and funky and voluptuous. I kind of stole a pair of her panties, is what. Jesus, Patrick! +Mary hates me. I've never been popular with the ladies. Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties. +Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties. Okay, There's more, Stan -- +What's your bartlett's? It's a quote book. +Hold on. Let me ask my friend. Stan, can I leave for a little while? My girlfriend is very -- Patrick, we're in the middle of -- +Patrick, we're in the middle of -- She's right in the neighborhood. She's upset. +I can handle it. He's pretty much on auto-pilot anyway. Thanks, Stan. I owe you. +I'm a friend of Bonanza Jellybean's. I know who you are. +I know who you are. Oh? Well, there's been some trouble on the ranch. I came up here to get out of the way. It's so dark now I doubt if I could find my way back down. If you could help... +Oh? Well, there's been some trouble on the ranch. I came up here to get out of the way. It's so dark now I doubt if I could find my way back down. If you could help... Save your breath for the climb. +But I don't know how to polka. Neither do I... ha ha ho ho hee hee. +What was that? Clockworks. +Clockworks. Clockworks? +The Clockworks is one reason that I am here on Siwash Ridge. I accepted the invitation to be initiated as a shaman by an aged Siwash chief who was the principle outside confederate of the Clock People. Siwash, huh? +Siwash, huh? He was a degenerated warlock who could turn urine into beer, and the honor that he extended me gave me rights of occupancy in this sacred cave on this far-away Siwash Ridge. I came to the Dakota hills to construct a clockworks of my own. +But unlike the clockworks of the Clock People, my ticks more accurately echo the ticks of the universe.... ......ha ha ho ho and hee hee. The Clock People? +During the Second World War I busted out of Tule Lake detention camp; as a Japanese-American, I had been put there and watched over. I found refuge with the Clock People, who discovered me in a snow bank, near dead, I had been climbing across the Sierra Nevada mountains. Then if you are Japanese, then why are you called the Chink? +Then if you are Japanese, then why are you called the Chink? "The Clock People mistook me for Chinese. And the name stuck. In the same way that all Indian tribes came to be labeled ""Indians"" through the ignorance of an Italian sailor with a taste for oranges, it is only fitting that ""Indians"" misnamed me. The Clock People, however, are not a tribe, rather they are a gathering of Indians from various tribes. They have lived together since 1906." +What do you believe in then? Ha ha ho ho and hee hee. +Is everything getting worse? Yes, everything is getting worse. But everything is also getting better. +Yes, everything is getting worse. But everything is also getting better. The Countess has come to our aid. The Rubber Rose Ranch is officially deeded to all the cowgirls. And I have been asked to oversee the ranch. For $300 a week. And as it turns out, the Countess is not going to be the vegetable the doctors thought he was... here's a picture! +I want to go back to the Clock People. I kind of miss those fool redskins and wonder what they're up to. What's happened to Jelly? She had a one way-ticket to Kansas City. +She had a one way-ticket to Kansas City. You mean she's dead? +But that's an old story now...... I can't believe that you would leave the Butte. Easy come, easy go. +Well, if the Clock People give you any inside information on the end of the world, drop us a postcard. The world isn't going to end, you dummy; I hope you know that much. But it is going to change. It's going to change drastically, and probably in your lifetime. The Clock People see calamitous earthquakes as the agent of change, and they may be right, since there are a hundred thousand earthquakes a year and major ones are long overdue. But there are far worse catastrophes coming... unless the human race can bring itself to abandon the goals and values of civilization, in other words, unless it can break the consumption habit -- and we are so conditioned to consuming as a way of life that for most of us life would have no meaning without the yearnings and rewards of progressive consumption. It isn't merely that our bad habits will cause global catastrophes, but that our operative political-economic philosophies have us in such a blind crab grip that they prevent us from preparing for the natural disasters that are not our fault. So the apocalyptic shit is going to hit the fan, all right, but there'll be some of us it'll miss. Little pockets of humanity. Like the Clock People. Like you two honeys, if you decide to accept my offer of a lease on Siwash Cave. There's almost no worldwide calamity -- famine, nuclear accident, plague, weather warfare or reduction of the ozone shield -- that you couldn't survive in that cave. +Suppose that you bear five or six children with your characteristics. All in Siwash Cave. In a postcatastrophe world, your offspring would of necessity intermarry, forming in time a tribe. A tribe every member of which had giant thumbs. A tribe of Big Thumbs would relate to the environment in very special ways. It could not use weapons or produce sophisticated tools. It would have to rely on its wits and its senses. It would have to live with animals -- and plants! -- as virtual equals. It's extremely pleasant to me to think about a tribe of physical eccentrics living peacefully with animals and plants, learning their languages, perhaps, and paying them the respect they deserve. How am I going to be the progenitor of a tribe when I'm living on an isolated ridgetop with Delores? +How am I going to be the progenitor of a tribe when I'm living on an isolated ridgetop with Delores? That's your problem. +Where do you live, Miss Hankshaw? I'm staying with the Countess. +I'm staying with the Countess. I know, but where do you reside when you aren't visiting New York? +I know, but where do you reside when you aren't visiting New York? I don't. +I don't. You don't? +You don't? Well, no, I don't reside anywhere in particular. I just keep moving. +A traveler, eh? You might say that, although I don't think of it as traveling. +Where are the others? Oh, Rupert and Carla had a little hassle and went home. +Welcome, podner. By God, it's great to have you here. It's an honor. Sorry I took so long getting to you, but we've had a mess of hard work these past few days -- and a heap of planning to do. Er, you seem to know who I am, and maybe even what I am. Thanks for the breakfast. +Er, you seem to know who I am, and maybe even what I am. Thanks for the breakfast. Oh, I know about Sissy Hankshaw, all right. I've done a little hitchhiking myself. Ah shucks, that's like telling Annie Oakley you're a sharpshooter because you once knocked a tomato can off a stump with a fieldstone. I'd heard tales about you from people I'd meet in jail cells and truckstops. I heard about your, uh, your, ah, your wonderful thumbs, and I heard how you were Jack Kerouac's girl friend... +No, I'm afraid that part isn't true. Jack was in awe of me and tracked me down. We spent a night talking and hugging in a corn field, but he was hardly my lover. Besides, I always travel alone. Well, that doesn't matter; that part never interested me anyway. The beatnicks were before my time, and I never got anything outta the hippies but bad dope, clichés and the clap. But the example of your life helped me in my struggle to be a cowgirl. +Tell me about it. About... +About... About being a cowgirl. What's it all about? When you say the word you make it sound like it was painted in radium on the side of a pearl. +About being a cowgirl. What's it all about? When you say the word you make it sound like it was painted in radium on the side of a pearl. Cowgirls exist as an image. A fairly common image. The idea of cowgirls especially for little girls prevails in our culture. Therefore, it seems to me, the existence of cowgirls should prevail. Otherwise, they're being fooled. In the Rodeo Hall of Fame in Oklahoma City there are just two cowgirls. Two. And both of 'em are trick-riders. Trick-riding is what cowgirls have almost always done in rodeos. Our society sure likes to see its unconventional women do tricks. That's what prostitutes call it, you know: 'tricking.' +You're political, then? "No, ma'am. No way. There's girls on the Rubber Rose who are political, but I don't share their views. I got no cowgirl ideology to expound. ""Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it.""" +Did that last comment sound too profound to be coming outta my mouth? It's not original. It's something I picked up from the Chink. Really? The Chink, huh? I've gathered that you sometimes speak with him. What else have you learned from the Chink? +Really? The Chink, huh? I've gathered that you sometimes speak with him. What else have you learned from the Chink? Learned from the Chink? Oh my. Ha ha. That's hard to say. We mostly.... Uh, a lot of his talk is pretty goofy. +......Delores zonks out on peyote at least once a week, but so far her Third Vision hasn't happened. Niwetükame, the Mother Goddess has not gotten back in touch with her. Meanwhile she and Debbie are rivaling each other like a couple of crosstown high schools. Tension. Cowgirl tension! What a drag. What is Debbie's position? +What is Debbie's position? Debbie says that if women are to take charge again, they must do it in the feminine way; they mustn't resort to aggressive and violent masculine methods. She says it is up to women to show themselves better than men, to love men, set good examples for them and guide them tenderly toward the New Age. She's a real dreamer, that Debbie-dear. +Debbie says that if women are to take charge again, they must do it in the feminine way; they mustn't resort to aggressive and violent masculine methods. She says it is up to women to show themselves better than men, to love men, set good examples for them and guide them tenderly toward the New Age. She's a real dreamer, that Debbie-dear. You don't agree with Debbie, then? +You don't agree with Debbie, then? I wouldn't say that. I expect she's right, ultimately. But I'm with Delores when it comes to fighting for what's mine. I can't understand why Delores is so uptight about the Chink; he could probably teach her a thing or two. Ee! That grass tickles, doesn't it? God knows I love women, but nothing can take the place of a man that fits. Still this is cowgirl territory and I'll stand with Delores and fight any bastards who might deny it. I guess I've always been a scrapper. Look. This scar. Only twelve years old and I was felled by a silver bullet. +That's Jellybean! FROM MEN, THE WHOOPING CRANE HAS RECEIVED NEITHER LOVE NOR RESPECT. MEN HAVE DRAINED THE CRANE'S MARSHES, STOLEN ITS EGGS, INVADED ITS PRIVACY, POLLUTED ITS FOOD, FOULED ITS AIR, BLOWN IT APART WITH BUCKSHOT. +Looks like every time we get together things are in a mess. So be it. It looks serious this time, though. All these guns... are you actually prepared to kill and die for whooping cranes? +So be it. It looks serious this time, though. All these guns... are you actually prepared to kill and die for whooping cranes? Hell no, the cranes are wonderful, okay, but I'm not in this for whooping cranes. I'm in it for cowgirls. If we cowgirls give in to authority on this crane issue, then cowgirls become just another compromise. I want a finer fate than that -- for me and for every other cowgirl. Better no cowgirls at all than cowgirls compromised. +Hell no, the cranes are wonderful, okay, but I'm not in this for whooping cranes. I'm in it for cowgirls. If we cowgirls give in to authority on this crane issue, then cowgirls become just another compromise. I want a finer fate than that -- for me and for every other cowgirl. Better no cowgirls at all than cowgirls compromised. How did this business get started, anyhow? Why are the birds nesting here? +No, I guess not. 'Drugged' is a stupid word. +'Drugged' is a stupid word. But the peyote is obviously affecting their brains. It's made them break a migratory pattern that goes back thousands of years. +Every time I tell you that I love you, you flinch. But that's your problem. If I flinch when you say you love me, it's both our problems. My confusion becomes your confusion. Students confuse teachers, patients confuse psychiatrists, lovers with confused hearts confuse lovers with clear hearts.... +Extraordinary! She's obviously that. Jesus! Which would you rather have, a million dollars or one of Sissy's thumbs full of pennies? +She's obviously that. Jesus! Which would you rather have, a million dollars or one of Sissy's thumbs full of pennies? Oh, you! I'm not talking about her hands. They're difficult to ignore, I confess, but I'm speaking of her whole being. Her whole being is extraordinary. The way she talks, for example. She's so articulate. +Oh, you! I'm not talking about her hands. They're difficult to ignore, I confess, but I'm speaking of her whole being. Her whole being is extraordinary. The way she talks, for example. She's so articulate. It's high time you realized, honey babe, that a woman doesn't have to give the best years of her life to Radcliffe or Smith in order to speak the English language. +It's high time you realized, honey babe, that a woman doesn't have to give the best years of her life to Radcliffe or Smith in order to speak the English language. Countess. I'm really in a dither. She's turned my head. +Countess. I'm really in a dither. She's turned my head. Ninety degrees to the left, I hope. How does she feel about you? +Ninety degrees to the left, I hope. How does she feel about you? I think she's disappointed that I'm not more, ah, sort of atavistic. She's got some naive, sentimental notions about Indians. I'm sure she liked me, though; but.... then she left town. +I think she's disappointed that I'm not more, ah, sort of atavistic. She's got some naive, sentimental notions about Indians. I'm sure she liked me, though; but.... then she left town. She always leaves town, you dummy. That doesn't mean anything. What about in bed? How does she like it in bed? +How does she like what in bed? Like what? +What do you think? Well.... er... +Well.... er... Shit O dear, Julian. Do you mean to tell me you didn't get it on? +Shit O dear, Julian. Do you mean to tell me you didn't get it on? Oh, we didn't get it all the way on. +Oh, we didn't get it all the way on. Whose fault was that? +Whose fault was that? I suppose it was mine. Yes, it definitely was my fault. +I suppose it was mine. Yes, it definitely was my fault. What do they do to you boys in those Ivy league schools, anyway? Strap you down and pump the Nature out of you? They can even press the last drop of Nature out of a Mohawk buck. Why, send a shaman or cannibal to Yale for four years and all he'd be fit for would be a desk in the military-industrial complex and a seat in the third row at a Neil Simon comedy. Jesus H.M.S. Christ! If Harvard or Princeton could get hold of the Chink for a couple of semesters they'd turn him into a candidate for the Bow Tie Wing of the Hall of Wimps. Oogie boogie. +What do they do to you boys in those Ivy league schools, anyway? Strap you down and pump the Nature out of you? They can even press the last drop of Nature out of a Mohawk buck. Why, send a shaman or cannibal to Yale for four years and all he'd be fit for would be a desk in the military-industrial complex and a seat in the third row at a Neil Simon comedy. Jesus H.M.S. Christ! If Harvard or Princeton could get hold of the Chink for a couple of semesters they'd turn him into a candidate for the Bow Tie Wing of the Hall of Wimps. Oogie boogie. If we Ivy Leaguers aren't earthy enough to suit you hillbillies, at least we don't go around indulging in racist terms such as 'Chink.' Next thing I know, you'll be calling me 'chief.' +If we Ivy Leaguers aren't earthy enough to suit you hillbillies, at least we don't go around indulging in racist terms such as 'Chink.' Next thing I know, you'll be calling me 'chief.' Chink's the guy's name, for Christ's sake. +Chink's the guy's name, for Christ's sake. What guy? +What guy? Aw, he's some old fart holyman who lives in the hills out West. Gives my ranch the creeps and the willies, too. But though he be old and dirty, he's alive, I'll bet, clear down to his toes. They don't have his juice in a jar in New Haven. Well I suppose that I'll have to write Sissy out on the road. +I'm cold. Here. I'll turn down the air conditioner. +Here. I'll turn down the air conditioner. It's not the air conditioner that's making me cold. Nothing moves in here. Not even your birds. +What are you doing? Getting dressed. I've got to go. +Getting dressed. I've got to go. But I don't want you to leave. Please stay. We can go to dinner. I owe you a dinner. And tonight... we can... really make love. +But I don't want you to leave. Please stay. We can go to dinner. I owe you a dinner. And tonight... we can... really make love. I have to go, Julian. +I have to go, Julian. Why? Why do you have to go? +Why? Why do you have to go? My thumbs hurt. I've made a mistake. I've been negligent. I haven't exercised. I have to hitchhike a little bit every day, no matter what. It's like a musician practicing his scales. When I don't practice, my timing gets off, my thumbs get stiff and sore. +Going north? You bet your raggedy white ass I am. +Thanks. American Cheese. The king of road food. +Are you in show business? I was a successful model once. +I was a successful model once. For magazines? +For magazines? I was the Yoni Yum feminine-hygiene Dew girl from 1965 to 1970, but got laid off. +I was the Yoni Yum feminine-hygiene Dew girl from 1965 to 1970, but got laid off. So now you're bummin' around? +So now you're bummin' around? Yep. +Yep. Hitchhiking? +Hitchhiking? I'm the best. +I'm the best. You're the best? +You're the best? When I was younger, I hitchhiked one hundred and twenty-seven hours without stopping, without food or sleep, crossed the continent twice in six days, cooled my thumbs in both oceans and caught rides after midnight on unlighted highways. +When I was younger, I hitchhiked one hundred and twenty-seven hours without stopping, without food or sleep, crossed the continent twice in six days, cooled my thumbs in both oceans and caught rides after midnight on unlighted highways. Whooee! +Whooee! As I developed, however, I grew more concerned with subtleties and nuances of style. Time in terms of M.P.H. no longer interested me. I began to hitchhike in something akin to geological time: slow, ancient, vast. When I am really moving, stopping car after car after car, moving so freely, so clearly, so delicately that even the sex maniacs and the cops can only blink and let me pass, then I embody the rhythms of the universe. I am in a state of grace. +To my own special Sissy. Cheers! And welcome. So my letter brought ya flying, eh? Where were you? Salt Lake City? La Conner? Well, I may have a little surprise for you. But first, tell me about yourself. It's been six months, hasn't it? In some circles that's half a year. How are you? Tired... +Tired... That's the very first time in the eons that I've known you that I've ever heard you complain. And now you're tired, poor darling. +That's the very first time in the eons that I've known you that I've ever heard you complain. And now you're tired, poor darling. A born freak can only go uphill. +A born freak can only go uphill. Freak, schmeek. Most of us are freaks in one way or another. Try being born a male Russian countess into a white middle class Baptist family in Mississippi and you'll see what I mean. +Freak, schmeek. Most of us are freaks in one way or another. Try being born a male Russian countess into a white middle class Baptist family in Mississippi and you'll see what I mean. I've always been proud of the way nature singled me out. It's the people who have been deformed by society I feel sorry for. I've been steady moving for eleven years and some months. Maybe I should rest up for a spell, I'm not as young as I used to be. +I've always been proud of the way nature singled me out. It's the people who have been deformed by society I feel sorry for. I've been steady moving for eleven years and some months. Maybe I should rest up for a spell, I'm not as young as I used to be. Shit O goodness, you won't be thirty for another year, and you're more beautiful than ever. +Shit O goodness, you won't be thirty for another year, and you're more beautiful than ever. Does that mean you might have an assignment for me? +You were the Yoni Yum girl from, let's see, from nineteen sixty-eight through nineteen seventy. You've always smelled so nice. Like a little sister. The irony has just killed me. You, the Dew Girl, one of the few girls who doesn't need Dew. I loath the stink of females! They are so sweet the way God made them, then they start fooling around with men and soon they're stinking. Like rotten mushrooms, like an excessively chlorinated swimming pool, like a tuna fish's retirement party. They all stink. From the Queen of England to Bonanza Jellybean, they stink. Bonanza Jellybean? +Bonanza Jellybean? What? Oh yes. Tee-hee. Jellybean. +She's a young thing who works on my ranch. Real name is Sally Jones or something wooden like that. She's cute as a hot fudge taco, and, of course, it takes verve to change one's name so charmingly. But she stinks like a slut just the same. Your ranch? +Your ranch? Oh my dear yes, I bought a little ranch out West, sort of a tribute to the women of America who have cooperated with me in eliminating their odor by using my vaginal products, Dew spray mist and Yoni Yum spray powder. A tax write-off, actually. +Sissy, Sissy, blushing bride, you can desist from wearing paths in those forgotten highways. The Countess has arranged a job for you. And what a job... A job for me? +A job for me? I am once more about to make advertising history. And only you, the original Yoni Yum/Dew Girl, could possibly assist me. +The Food and Drug Administration said Wednesday female deodorant sprays may cause such harmful reactions as blisters, burns and rashes. Although the FDA judges that the reported reactions are not sufficient to justify removal of these products from the market, they are sufficient to warrant the proposed mandatory label warnings. Shit O dear, that's enough to make me asthmatic. The nerve of those twits. What do they know about female odor? Don't interrupt. Here's my concept. My ranch out West? It's a beauty ranch. Oh, it's got a few head of cattle for atmosphere and tax purposes. But it's a beauty ranch, a place where unhappy women -- divorcees and widows, mainly -- can go to lose weight, remove wrinkles, change their hair styles and pretty themselves up for the next disappointment. My ranch is named the Rubber Rose, after the Rubber Rose douche bag, my own invention, and bless its little red bladder, the most popular douche bag in the world. So get this. It's on the migratory flight path of the whooping cranes. The last flock of wild whooping cranes left in existence. Well, these cranes stop off at my little pond -- Siwash Lake, it's called -- twice a year, autumn and spring, and spend a few days each time, resting up, eating, doing whatever whooping cranes do. I've never seen them, understand, but I hear they're magnificent. Very big specimens -- I mean, huge mothers -- and white as snow, to coin a phrase, except for black tips on their wings and tail feathers, and bright red heads. Now, whooping cranes, in case you didn't know it, are noted for their mating dance. It's just the wildest show in nature. It's probably the reason why birdwatching used to be so popular with old maids and deacons. Picture these rare, beautiful, gigantic birds in full dance -- leaping six feet off the mud, arching their backs, flapping their wings, strutting low to the ground. Dears, it's overwhelming. And picture the birds doing their sex dance on TV. Right there on the home screen, creation's most elaborate sex ritual -- yet clean and pure enough to suit the Pope. With lovely Sissy Hankshaw in the foreground. In a white gown, red hood attached, and big feathery sleeves trimmed in black. In a very subdued imitation of the female whooping crane, she dance/walks over to a large nest in which there sits a can of Yoni Yum. And a can of Dew. Off-camera, a string quartet is playing Debussy. A sensuous voice is reading a few poetic lines about courtship and love. Are you starting to get it? Doesn't it make the hair on your neck stand up and applaud? My very goodness gracious! Grandiose, lyrical, erotic and Girl Scout- oriented; you can't top it. I've hired a crew of experts from Walt Disney Studios, the best wildlife cinematographers around. You're my eternal favorite. Princess Grace herself couldn't be better, not even if she had your personality which she doesn't; Anyway, dear, I'm out of photography now and into water colors. Ah how circuitous conversation is! We're back at the beginning. The exact man I've wanted you to meet is my artist the watercolorist. +If you don't want me to pose for him, why do you want me to meet him? Purely personal. I believe you might enjoy one another. +Purely personal. I believe you might enjoy one another. But Countess... +But Countess... Now, now. Don't get exasperated. I realize that you've always avoided all but the most rudimentary involvements with men, and I might add, you've been wise. Heterosexual relationships seem to lead only to marriage. For men, marriage is a matter of efficient logistics: The male gets his food, bed, laundry, TV, pussy, offspring and creature comforts all under one roof, where he doesn't have to dissipate his psychic energy thinking about them too much, then he is free to go out and fight the battles of life, which is what existence is all about. But for a woman marriage is surrender. +But here you are, still a virgin -- you are virginal yet, aren't you? Why, yes, technically. Jack Kerouac and I came awfully close, but he was afraid of me, I think... +Why, yes, technically. Jack Kerouac and I came awfully close, but he was afraid of me, I think... Yes, well, what I'm getting at is that there comes a time when it is psychologically impossible for a woman to lose her virginity. She can't wait too long, you know. Now, there's no reason why you must lose yours. I mean, just ponder it a bit, that's all. +Yes, well, what I'm getting at is that there comes a time when it is psychologically impossible for a woman to lose her virginity. She can't wait too long, you know. Now, there's no reason why you must lose yours. I mean, just ponder it a bit, that's all. What makes you think this watercolorist and I would develop a romantic relationship? +What makes you think this watercolorist and I would develop a romantic relationship? I can't be certain that you would. But what have you got to lose? +I can't be certain that you would. But what have you got to lose? Well, okay. I'll try it. I don't see the point in it, but I'll try it. Just for you. It's kind of silly, actually, me going out with an artist in New York City. However... +Well, okay. I'll try it. I don't see the point in it, but I'll try it. Just for you. It's kind of silly, actually, me going out with an artist in New York City. However... Good, good, good... you'll enjoy it, you'll see. Julian is a gentleman. +Sissy, don't play dumb with me! You're a good model but a shitty actress. The cowgirls are involved in this whooping crane disappearance. You know perfectly well they are. Last seen in Nebraska. Didn't make it to Canada. Siwash Lake is between Nebraska and Canada. The cowgirls have possession of Siwash Lake. And who else but Jellybean's wild cunts could possibly conceive of doing something so diabolical as to tamper with the last flock of some nearly extinct birds? How much do you know about it? Have they murdered those cranes the way they murdered my moo cows? I don't know anything about it. +I don't know anything about it. Sissy. You're trying to protect those scuzzy bitches. Well, let your conscience be your guide, as my mommy used to say, but it won't work. Those stinking sluts are going to suffer... +Ballast. I am your best friend. I am a lifesaver and a heartbreaker... +That means top-secret, Cooper. I heard it. +I can see why they sent you along. So if the ship didn't blow up, what happened? +You still need the rope? I thought you were one a those spacemen with ice in ya veins. I'd rather be on the rope and not need it than need it and not have it. Now step aside, old man. +...do you copy? Uh, yeah Coop, I'm still here. +Uh, yeah Coop, I'm still here. Shit! Do not do that! Where the fuck are you? +Shit! Do not do that! Where the fuck are you? I'm in the Second Containment area. It's pitch black in here. There must have been a coolant leak. Man, this shit is everywhere. I can't see a damn thing. +Holy shit... Justin? +Justin? I think I found something... +Time to play Spam in the can. Don't start with me, Cooper. +Okay, listen up. As you all know by now, we have an addition to our crew. Dr. Weir, this is: Starck, navigation; Smith, pilot, Justin, ship's engineer -- You can call him Baby-bear, he loves that... +You can call him Baby-bear, he loves that... This is Cooper, what the hell do you do on this ship, anyway? +...cancel our leave and send us out on some bullshit mission...! EVERYBODY SHUT UP! Let the man speak. +From what? You're convinced the crew could still be alive? After seven years? +...come on, Skipper, I already put my shoes on... You've had plenty EVA, Coop, it's Justin's turn. Stay on station. If anything happens... +You've had plenty EVA, Coop, it's Justin's turn. Stay on station. If anything happens... I'll be all over it. +We have a man down... Coop, where are you... +Coop, where are you... The containment, Second Containment... +The containment, Second Containment... Hold on, Coop... +But Justin... I'll get him. +Captain Miller, we're ready to repressurize the Clark. On my way. +...and the gravity drive goes where no man has gone before. You prep the gravity couches. I'm going to manually arm those explosives. +You prep the gravity couches. I'm going to manually arm those explosives. Will it work? +Will it work? It worked for Weir. Prep the tanks. +You been out there a long time. Trying to break my record? I'd rather spend the next twelve hours Outside than another five minutes in this can. This ship is bad. It watches you. +I'd rather spend the next twelve hours Outside than another five minutes in this can. This ship is bad. It watches you. What? +What? You heard me. This ship, it's crazy: trying to go faster'n light, that's like the Tower of Babel. +You heard me. This ship, it's crazy: trying to go faster'n light, that's like the Tower of Babel. Shit, Smith, you're going Biblical on me. +Shit, Smith, you're going Biblical on me. You know what happened to the Tower of Babel, don't you? It fell down. +You know what happened to the Tower of Babel, don't you? It fell down. You're sucking too much nitrogen in your mix. +We'll have to re-route through the port conduit to the APU. What about the accumulator...? +It's holding... She's holding...! We're still venting trace gasses, gimme twenty minutes to plug the hole. +Solid as a rock. Hey, Smith... Smith, clear that airlock, man, I'm coming in. +Smith, clear that airlock, man, I'm coming in. Roger that. +Damn, Dr. Weir, don't scare us like that. Coffee? What? +What? Coffee. +Coffee. No, thank you. +The Event Horizon only had life support for eighteen months. It seems impossible, but in light of the transmission... I have to think that someone has managed to endure until now. Skipper, do we get hazard pay for this? +It was like... nothing was there... and then Justin appeared and the Core... became metal... No, he didn't. +No, he didn't. You weren't there. I saw it. +You weren't there. I saw it. Saw what, Mr. Cooper? What did you really see, because what you're describing is not physically possible... +I don't know what happened to Justin. I'm telling you, I saw it... +I'm telling you, I saw it... What you saw could have been an optical effect caused by gravitational distortion. +What you saw could have been an optical effect caused by gravitational distortion. "I know what I saw and it wasn't a fucking ""optical effect!""" +Is that an offer? It is not. +What's happening? I don't know, the screens are dead...! +Let me breathe, let me breathe... You're okay now, it's over... +How? The Bridge is gone. There must be a way! What about Engineering? +There must be a way! What about Engineering? Can you shut it down? +Can you shut it down? I don't know the process, Dr. Weir was the expert... +I don't know the process, Dr. Weir was the expert... I don't want to go where the last crew went. I'd rather be dead. +I'm gonna activate the emergency beacon. Hurry. +What...? Run! +He's a rescue technician. Peters, medical technician. DJ... Trauma. +Trauma. And this is mission specialist Dr. William Weir. We all know where we're going. Dr. Weir is going to tell us why. +We haven't tested the air yet. It could be contaminated... No time. We need whatever's left in our suits to repair the Clark. Like it or not, this is the only oxygen for three billion kilometers. +How is he? His vitals are stable, but he's unresponsive to stimuli. He might wake up in fifteen minutes. He might not wake up at all. +Carbon dioxide poisoning produces hallucinations, impaired judgement... Goddammit, DJ, it was not a hallucination! I saw a man, he was on fire. And then he disappeared. +To conserve our oxygen, we should severely restrict our activity. Anyone who can should get some sleep. I don't need sleep, DJ. I need answers. +He'll live... if we ever make it back. We'll make it. +Of course not. Justin just climbed into the airlock because he felt like it. Just one of those things. I swore I'd never lose another man. I came close today. Real close. """Another man?"" Who?" +I, I tried to go back for him, to save him, but I couldn't get to him in time. The fire... Have you ever seen fire in zero-gravity? It's like a liquid, it slides over everything. It was like a wave breaking over him, a wave of fire. And then he was gone. I never told anyone until now. But this ship knew, DJ. It knows about the Goliath, it knows about Corrick. It knows our secrets. It knows what we're afraid of. And now you're going to tell me it's carbon dioxide. No. +What is it? I've been listening to the transmission. And I think Houston made a mistake in the translation. +I've been listening to the transmission. And I think Houston made a mistake in the translation. Go on. +"They thought it said, ""Liberatis me,"" ""Save me,"" but it's not ""me."" It's ""tutemet:"" ""Save yourself.""" It's not a distress call. It's a warning. +It's not a distress call. It's a warning. It gets worse. +Do you hear it? Right there. Hear what? +Hear what? "It sounds like ""ex infera:"" ""ex,"" from; ""infera,"" the ablative case of ""inferi."" ""Hell.""" +"It sounds like ""ex infera:"" ""ex,"" from; ""infera,"" the ablative case of ""inferi."" ""Hell.""" """Save yourself. From Hell."" What are you saying, are you saying that this ship is possessed?" +"""Save yourself. From Hell."" What are you saying, are you saying that this ship is possessed?" No. I don't believe in that sort of thing. But if Dr. Weir is right, this ship has passed beyond the boundaries of our universe, of reality. Who knows where this ship has been... What it's seen... And what it's brought back with it. +DJ. The Clark's gone. Smith and Cooper are dead. What happened? +What happened? Weir. He used one of the explosives from the Corridor. +Please... Oh, God, DJ, what do I... how do I... +Oh, God, DJ, what do I... how do I... Please... kill... +Please... kill... Oh God... +What's wrong? Nothing. It's nothing. +What's happening...? A power drain -- +What's wrong? You didn't hear it? You must have heard it! +I've got a pulse, he's alive... Pressure? +Pressure? 90 over 50 and falling... . +90 over 50 and falling... . He's crashing... +Intubate, pure oxygen feed, get the nitrogen out of his blood... His peritoneum has ruptured... +His peritoneum has ruptured... One thing at a time, let's keep him breathing. Start the drip, 15cc's fibrinogen, Christ, he's bleeding out... +You wanted to see me, Admiral? I apologize for the short notice, Bill, but we've had something come up that requires your immediate attention. Lyle? +Incredible... These are the same coordinates before the ship disappeared... this, this happened? This isn't some kind of hoax? I wouldn't bring you here on a hoax. Houston confirms the telemetry and I.D. codes. +I wouldn't bring you here on a hoax. Houston confirms the telemetry and I.D. codes. It's the Event Horizon. She's come back. +That ship was lost in deep space, seven years ago. If the Titanic sailed into New York harbor, I'd find it more plausible. Houston wants Aerospace to send out a search and rescue team, investigate the source of the transmission. If it really is the Event Horizon, they'll attempt a salvage. We need you to prepare a detailed briefing on the ship's systems for the salvage crew... A written briefing can't possibly anticipate the variables on a mission like this. I have to go with them. +It's against my better judgement, but I'll run this by the Man downstairs. You'll know my decision by the end of the day. Thank you. +Thank you. Don't thank me, Bill. I'm not doing you any favors. +It's not that simple. Lyle, play the recording for Dr. Weir. Navigation Control tried to hail the vessel. This was the only response. +You're not seriously considering sending him? You don't just dismiss Bill Weir. The man held Oppenheimer's chair at Princeton. If the Event Horizon had worked, he would have gone down in history as the greatest mind in physics since Einstein. +You don't just dismiss Bill Weir. The man held Oppenheimer's chair at Princeton. If the Event Horizon had worked, he would have gone down in history as the greatest mind in physics since Einstein. The official inquiry blamed Weir's design for the ship's loss. +The official inquiry blamed Weir's design for the ship's loss. That doesn't mean a damn thing. They were looking for a scapegoat and Weir fit the bill. But he's not responsible for what happened to the ship. +That doesn't mean a damn thing. They were looking for a scapegoat and Weir fit the bill. But he's not responsible for what happened to the ship. Does he know that? +Does he know that? What's on your mind? +What's on your mind? He doesn't belong on this mission. Responsible or not, he blames himself. He's too close to it. And then there's his wife. +He doesn't belong on this mission. Responsible or not, he blames himself. He's too close to it. And then there's his wife. It's been two years since she died. He's over it. +It's been two years since she died. He's over it. Some things you don't get over. +I want our best people on this. Where's Miller? The Lewis and Clark just returned from patrol in the asteroid belt, she's docked in bay four. +What, Justin, what shows you? It won't stop, it goes on and on and on... +It won't stop, it goes on and on and on... What does? +What does? The dark inside me. +...It's inside and it eats and eats until there's nothing left. """The dark inside...""? I don't understand." +"""The dark inside...""? I don't understand." From the Other Place... +Oh my god OH MY GOD... Starck! +...is zero. That's what the singularity does: it folds space, so that point A and point B coexist in the same space and time. After the ship passes through this gateway, space returns to normal. It's called a gravity drive. How do you know all this? +How do you know all this? I built it. +You've reached the First Containment Seal. The engineering decks are on the other side. We still have pressure. The radiation count's steady at 7 millirads an hour. +We still have pressure. The radiation count's steady at 7 millirads an hour. Background radiation. Perfectly safe. +I've reached another containment door. This thing's huge... That's the Second Containment Seal. Beyond that, engineering. +That's the Second Containment Seal. Beyond that, engineering. I'm going in. +Everything green on my boards, Skipper. Start the countdown. +Okay. We do it the hard way. Deck by deck, room by room. Starck, deploy the umbilicus. I believe you're up for a walk, Mr. Justin. Go get your bonnet on. Yes, sir! +Justin, finish your sweep. Almost done, I just gotta check one thing... +Patch me through to him. Justin. +Justin. Skipper, you gotta help me... +...I don't want to die...! You're not going to die! Not today! I want you to do exactly as I say and I'm gonna get you out of there, alright? +You're not going to die! Not today! I want you to do exactly as I say and I'm gonna get you out of there, alright? But I can't... I gotta get out of here... Skipper, please... +But I can't... I gotta get out of here... Skipper, please... Justin. I won't let you die. +This is Weir. Dr. Weir, Admiral Hollis would like to see you as soon as possible. +Dr. Weir, you have no experience with salvage procedures. I designed the ship's propulsion system. I am the only person capable of evaluating the performance of the gravity drive. You can't send a Search and Rescue team out there alone and expect them to succeed. That would be like... like sending an auto- mechanic to work on the shuttle. +I designed the ship's propulsion system. I am the only person capable of evaluating the performance of the gravity drive. You can't send a Search and Rescue team out there alone and expect them to succeed. That would be like... like sending an auto- mechanic to work on the shuttle. I can understand your desire to redeem your reputation, Dr. Weir, but it doesn't factor into this. +I can understand your desire to redeem your reputation, Dr. Weir, but it doesn't factor into this. This is not about my reputation! This is not about me at all! The Event Horizon was created for one reason: to go faster than light. Imagine mankind exploring new solar systems, colonizing new worlds. Seven years ago, we didn't just lose the ship and the crew. We lost the dream. I have to go. +Since the initial transmission, there's been no further contact. Just the beacon, every two minutes. The crew? Could they still be alive? +The crew? Could they still be alive? The ship had life support systems for eighteen months. They're been gone seven years. +The ship had life support systems for eighteen months. They're been gone seven years. Someone sent that message. Admiral, you have to put me on that ship. +What's the hold up? Just loading the last of the CO2 scrubbers. Good for four months. +Just loading the last of the CO2 scrubbers. Good for four months. I put in for a replacement for you but no one... +I put in for a replacement for you but no one... No, no, its alright. I talked to my ex, he'll keep Denny over Christmas and I'll get him this summer. Goddam it, Skipper... I haven't seen him in two months. +No, no, its alright. I talked to my ex, he'll keep Denny over Christmas and I'll get him this summer. Goddam it, Skipper... I haven't seen him in two months. I am sorry. But now we have to go to work. +We've got pressure. Clear and open on my mark. Three... two... one... mark. +Jesus its huge. Ice crystals everywhere. This place is a deep freeze. +That means they didn't abandon ship. So where are they? Starck, any luck with the bio-scan? +Peters is right, no one's here. I don't know, this place is really dark, I can't see a thing... +I can see the hatch. Starck, you still showing those readings? +The blood came from somewhere, Peters... There's no one here, Skipper. +Okay. I'm on the bridge. What you got, Peters? +Everything's been shut down. Conserving power, I guess. Green light on the hull, it's intact. The science workstation has power, I'll see if I can find the crew from here. +I found one. Alive? +Alive? Frozen. +Justin, check the containment for radiation leaks. Peters... ...how's the client? +...how's the client? Crystallized. +Can anybody hear me... Skipper... +Skipper... Peters... +Peters... ...you okay? +...you okay? Yeah. I'm -- I'm okay. +Peters, I want you to go through the ship's log, see if we can't find some answers. I can use the station in Medical, keep an eye on Justin... +I can use the station in Medical, keep an eye on Justin... Fine. Starck, I want you to repeat the bio-scan... +I can run the image through a series of filters, try to clean it up. Do it. +That's a negative, Starck. Justin. +Peters. We need to know what happened to the crew. Before it happens to us. I'll get back to the log. But on the bridge, I won't go back, back in there... +I'll get back to the log. But on the bridge, I won't go back, back in there... Thanks. +Captain Miller, I just want to say... The clock is running, Dr. Weir. If you'll follow the rest of the crew, they'll show you to the gravity tanks. +Captain Miller, I appreciate this opportunity... Doctor Weir, my crew is not going on your mission because we want to. We were pulled off a well deserved leave, to be sent out to the middle of nowhere, and no one's even told us why. +Doctor Weir, my crew is not going on your mission because we want to. We were pulled off a well deserved leave, to be sent out to the middle of nowhere, and no one's even told us why. I've been authorized to brief you and the crew once we reach Neptune space. +I've been authorized to brief you and the crew once we reach Neptune space. Until then, do what you're told and stay out of my way. +It was the ship's maiden voyage, to test the drive. The Event Horizon moved to safe distance using ion thrusters. They received the go-ahead to activate the gravity drive. And the ship vanished from all our scopes. No radar contact, no enhanced optical, no radio contact of any kind. They disappeared without a trace. Until now. Where has it been for the last seven years? +Where has it been for the last seven years? That's what we're here to find out. +What does it say? NSA encryption specialists have deciphered some of the message... +That's the engineering containment. And there's the main airlock. We can dock there. Smith, use the arm and lock us onto that antennae cluster. +Smith, use the arm and lock us onto that antennae cluster. Be careful. It's not a load bearing structure... +Dr. Weir, I need you on the bridge. Captain, I didn't come out here to sit on your bridge, I need to be on that ship... +Captain, I didn't come out here to sit on your bridge, I need to be on that ship... Once the ship is secured, we'll bring you on board -- +Once the ship is secured, we'll bring you on board -- That is not acceptable -- +That is not acceptable -- -- once we've secured the ship, that's the way it is! I need you to guide us from the comm station. This is where I need you. Help us to do our job. +You're in the central corridor. It connects the personnel areas to Engineering. Peters and I will search the forward decks. Justin, take Engineering. No hot-dogging, not on this one, alright? +I can see that, what're they for? In an emergency, the charges detonate in series, destroying the central section and separating the personnel areas from the rest of the ship. That way, if the gravity drive malfunctions, the crew could use the foredecks as a lifeboat. +Easy, Peters, we're okay, we're okay. Let's finish the sweep. Captain Miller, the foredecks are just ahead. +Any survivors? Negative. +No one? They're empty, Dr. Weir. Moving forward. +It beats dying, Mister Smith. Dr. Weir's right. Get on board the Event Horizon. I'll meet you at the airlock. +Yes. One of my men is down. I want to know what happened to him. +"Hold on, what's this ""gravitational distortion?""" It's possible that a burst of gravity waves escaped from the Core, distorting space-time. They could be what hit the Lewis and Clark. +It's possible that a burst of gravity waves escaped from the Core, distorting space-time. They could be what hit the Lewis and Clark. What could cause them? What's in the Core? +What could cause them? What's in the Core? It's complicated... +It's complicated... How much time do you need? We have seventeen hours and forty-two minutes. Now: what is in the Core? +It's insane. """Insane?"" The finest astronauts fought to be posted to this ship. It would take the Lewis and Clark a thousand years to reach our closest star. The Event Horizon could be there in a day..." +"""Insane?"" The finest astronauts fought to be posted to this ship. It would take the Lewis and Clark a thousand years to reach our closest star. The Event Horizon could be there in a day..." If it worked. +If it worked. If it worked, yes. +I want this room sealed. The Second Containment is off limits. There's no danger. The black hole is contained behind three magnetic fields, it's under control. +There's no danger. The black hole is contained behind three magnetic fields, it's under control. Your black hole damn near ripped my ship apart. It may have killed one of my men. No one goes near that thing. +You have something, Dr. Weir? The date. +The date. What about it? +What about it? The Event Horizon's computer think's it's 2034. +The Event Horizon's computer think's it's 2034. It's 2041... +It's 2041... Exactly. The ship's internal clock is off by seven years. +Explanation? Intense gravitational fields effect the passage of time, it's possible... Black holes make sense on paper, it's all math, you see, but as to what really happened... The Event Horizon has passed beyond our plane of reality, and like Lazarus, returned from the dead. +What the hell is that? Dr. Weir? I don't know. +We barely have enough power for life support as it is, if we can't stop the drain, we're not gonna make it. The Core...! +We don't get the power back, our air's gonna go bad. Check the Core for radiation. Carbon dioxide may be the least of our worries. +We're a long way from home and we're in a bad place. Let's not make it worse. If anyone has any constructive suggestions, now is the time. I think I can stabilize the fields around the singularity, that should prevent another power drain. +I think I can stabilize the fields around the singularity, that should prevent another power drain. Do it. +"Is that your ""expert opinion?"" The only answer we've had out of you is ""I don't know.""" Justin just tried to kill himself. The man is clearly insane. +I want to know what caused that noise. I want to know why one of my crew tried to throw himself out of the airlock. Thermal changes in the hull could have caused the metal to expand and contract very suddenly, causing reverberations -- +Thermal changes in the hull could have caused the metal to expand and contract very suddenly, causing reverberations -- That's bullshit and you know it! You built this fucking ship and all I've heard from you is bullshit! +That's bullshit and you know it! You built this fucking ship and all I've heard from you is bullshit! What do you want me to say? +What do you want me to say? You said this ship creates a gateway... +You said this ship creates a gateway... Yes... +Yes... To what? Where did this ship go? Where did you send it? +To what? Where did this ship go? Where did you send it? I don't know... +I don't know... Where has it been for the past seven years? +Where has it been for the past seven years? I don't know... +I don't know... "The ""Other Place,"" what is that...?" +"The ""Other Place,"" what is that...?" I DON'T KNOW! I don't know. There's a lot of things going on here that I don't understand. Truth takes time. +I DON'T KNOW! I don't know. There's a lot of things going on here that I don't understand. Truth takes time. That's exactly what we don't have, Doctor. +We're leaving. You can't, your orders are specific... +You can't, your orders are specific... """...to rescue the crew and salvage the ship."" The crew is dead, Dr. Weir. This ship killed them. And now it's killing us." +"""...to rescue the crew and salvage the ship."" The crew is dead, Dr. Weir. This ship killed them. And now it's killing us." You're insane. You've lost your mind. +You're insane. You've lost your mind. Maybe you're right. But it's still my command, and I have leeway to abort when I feel there is an unacceptable threat to my crew. And I think there is. Starck, download all the files from the Event Horizon's computers. Coop, Smith, finish moving the CO2 scrubbers back onto the Clark. +Maybe you're right. But it's still my command, and I have leeway to abort when I feel there is an unacceptable threat to my crew. And I think there is. Starck, download all the files from the Event Horizon's computers. Coop, Smith, finish moving the CO2 scrubbers back onto the Clark. Don't... don't do this... +Don't... don't do this... It's done. +What about my ship? We will take the Lewis and Clark to a safe distance and then launch tac missiles at the Event Horizon until I am satisfied that she has been destroyed. Fuck this ship. +We will take the Lewis and Clark to a safe distance and then launch tac missiles at the Event Horizon until I am satisfied that she has been destroyed. Fuck this ship. You... You can't do that! +You... You can't do that! Watch me. +You can't leave. She won't let you. Just get your gear back onto the Lewis and Clark, doctor, or you'll find yourself looking for a ride home. +I told you... She won't let you leave... Son of a bitch! +Your eyes... I don't need them anymore. Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see. +I don't need them anymore. Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Do you know what a singularity is, Miller? Does your mind truly fathom what a black hole is? It is NOTHING. Absolute and eternal NOTHING. And if God is Everything, then I have seen the Devil. It's a liberating experience. +If you miss me, you'll blow out the hull. You'll die too. What makes you think I'll miss? +Weir is dead. Then who the fuck are you? +Then who the fuck are you? Your fear. Do you remember the Goliath, Miller? +What are you? You know. +You know. You want me to believe you're the Devil, well, I don't, that's bullshit! +You want me to believe you're the Devil, well, I don't, that's bullshit! I'm not the Devil. +I'm not the Devil. Then what, what are you? Tell me... +Then what, what are you? Tell me... Better if I just show you. +There is no Devil. There is no God. There is only... NOTHING. You're lying...! +You're lying...! I'm not asking you to believe me. You'll see for yourself... and so will your crew. You're all coming with me. +I'm not asking you to believe me. You'll see for yourself... and so will your crew. You're all coming with me. Starck... Cooper... +You can't have them. Go to hell. NOOO! +I don't like it either, but you know the rules: we get the call, we go. Is the course locked in? Locked and cocked. +Jesus... What is that? +Heading three-three-four... ...Make your approach vector negative fourteen degrees... +...Make your approach vector negative fourteen degrees... One-four degrees... +We have a lock on the Event Horizon's navigation beacon. It's in the upper ionosphere, we're in for some chop. Bring us in tight. Starck, get on the horn, see if anyone's listening... +We're all on edge, Smith. We're a long way out... That's not it. That ship was built to go faster than light... That's just wrong, it goes against everything we know... +That's not it. That ship was built to go faster than light... That's just wrong, it goes against everything we know... "What are you trying to say? ""If God had intended Man to fly, he would have given us wings?""" +"What are you trying to say? ""If God had intended Man to fly, he would have given us wings?""" Something like that, yeah. +I guess we're about to find out. Keep us slow and steady. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Dr. Weir...! +We've got some weather. I noticed. Starck, anybody home? +1500 meters. We're getting too close... Where is it? +Proximity warning! 900, 800 meters, 700... we're right on top of it, we're gonna hit! Starck... +Put it through TACS. Smith, you up for a flyby? Love to. +It is now. We're locked in. Starck, give me a read. +Captain Miller... Smith, where the hell have you been?! +Smith, where the hell have you been?! We have a situation here... +Do we have enough time for a weld? We don't have time to fart. +We don't have time to fart. We're losing pressure at 280 liters a second and our oxygen tanks are cracked. In three minutes, our atmosphere will be gone. We are fucking dead. +We're losing pressure at 280 liters a second and our oxygen tanks are cracked. In three minutes, our atmosphere will be gone. We are fucking dead. No one's dying on my watch, Smith! What about the reserve tanks? +No one's dying on my watch, Smith! What about the reserve tanks? They're gone. +But... You heard me, Smith. Peters, are you with me? +Captain Miller, you copy? I'm here, Smith, how's the Clark? +I'm here, Smith, how's the Clark? I've found a six inch fracture in the outer hull. We should be able to repair it and re-pressurize, it's gonna take some time. +I've found a six inch fracture in the outer hull. We should be able to repair it and re-pressurize, it's gonna take some time. We don't have time, Smith. In twenty hours we run out of air. +We don't have time, Smith. In twenty hours we run out of air. Understood. +...you break all the laws of physics, you think there won't be a price? You already killed the first crew... That's enough! +Sir. Get outside, go back to work. I'll join you shortly. +Thank you. Captain, we got a problem. +Captain, we got a problem. Now what? +Now what? She was right behind me, I turn around, she's gone. She could be anywhere. +She was right behind me, I turn around, she's gone. She could be anywhere. Alright. Prep the Clark for launch. I'll find her. +Skipper... What is it, Smith? +What is it, Smith? I just saw Weir, I think he was messing around on the Clark. +Smith, get out of there... Come again, Skipper? +Come again, Skipper? One of the explosives is missing from the corridor. I think Weir may have put it on the Clark. +Get off the Clark now and wait for me at the airlock. No, no, we just got her back together... +No, no, we just got her back together... Get out of there now! +Where is it, where is it... Smith? Smith! Fuck! +We're past the outer marker, we can engage the ion drive whenever you're ready. Justin? +Ion drive will engage in... T-minus ten minutes. Let's go. +Starck, why aren't you on the bridge? I just finished drying... +I just finished drying... Then what are you doing here? Come on, people, let's go! And Cooper... Put some pants on. +Crossing the horizon. Optimum approach angle is fourteen degrees. Come around to three-three-four... +Something's wrong with the bio-scan. Radiation interference? +Radiation interference? There's not enough radiation to throw off the scan. I'm picking up trace life forms, but I can't get a lock on the location. +That's an affirmative. Keep your eyes open. +Everybody okay? We're all here. +We're all here. Okay. Let's find out how much time we just bought. +It tastes bad. But you can breathe it. +The antennae array's completely fried, we've got no radio, no laser, no highgain... No one's going to be coming to help us. How much oh-two do we have? +How much oh-two do we have? Oxygen is not the problem. +Oxygen is not the problem. Carbon dioxide? +Carbon dioxide? It's building up with every breath we take. And the CO2 filters on the Event Horizon are shot. +It's building up with every breath we take. And the CO2 filters on the Event Horizon are shot. We can take the filters from the Clark... +We can take the filters from the Clark... I thought of that, with the filters from the Clark, we've got enough breathable air for twenty hours. After that, we'd better be on our way home. +I thought of that, with the filters from the Clark, we've got enough breathable air for twenty hours. After that, we'd better be on our way home. What about the life readings you picked up? +What about the life readings you picked up? "The Event Horizon sensors show the same thing: ""Bio-readings of indeterminate origin."" Right before that wave hit the Clark, there was some kind of surge, right off the scale, but now it's back to its previous levels." +"The Event Horizon sensors show the same thing: ""Bio-readings of indeterminate origin."" Right before that wave hit the Clark, there was some kind of surge, right off the scale, but now it's back to its previous levels." What's causing the readings? +What's causing the readings? I don't know, but whatever it is, it's not the crew. +I don't know, but whatever it is, it's not the crew. So where is the rest of the crew? We've been over every inch of this ship and all we've found is blood. Dr. Weir? Any suggestions? +What's the point? I'll just get the same thing... Not acceptable. I want to know what's causing those readings. If the crew is dead, I want the bodies, I want the crew found. +Not acceptable. I want to know what's causing those readings. If the crew is dead, I want the bodies, I want the crew found. I can reconfigure the scan for C-12, amylase proteins. +I can reconfigure the scan for C-12, amylase proteins. Do it. Dr. Weir... +Maybe one of the original crew? No. It was someone else. +No. It was someone else. Who? +Who? Dr. Weir, you were right there, you must have heard something, seen something... +Miller... What is it, Starck? +What is it, Starck? ...I ran the bio-scan with the DNA/RNA filter. The results were bio-readings of indeterminate origin... +...I ran the bio-scan with the DNA/RNA filter. The results were bio-readings of indeterminate origin... """...bio-readings of indeterminate origin,"" don't you have anything useful to tell me?" +"""...bio-readings of indeterminate origin,"" don't you have anything useful to tell me?" I've got a theory. +Go ahead. There was a another surge in the bio- readings right before you... you saw what you saw. We picked up a similar readings right before the Clarke was damaged. What if there were a connection between the two? The gravity waves, the hallucination, all part of an defensive reaction, like an immune system... +You've got to listen... To what? What are you saying? This ship is alive? +To what? What are you saying? This ship is alive? I didn't say that, I said the bio- readings correspond to what happened to you, the ship is reacting to us... +I didn't say that, I said the bio- readings correspond to what happened to you, the ship is reacting to us... We're hanging on by our fingernails and you're giving me bullshit stories... +It's not bullshit, it's the only conclusion the data supports... Starck, do you know how crazy that sounds? It's impossible. +Starck, do you know how crazy that sounds? It's impossible. I know that. +If you knew it was impossible, then why'd you waste my time? I thought you wanted an answer. And that's the only one I have. +What I want is to survive the next ten hours. Nine hours and twenty-two minutes. +Nine hours and twenty-two minutes. I'm going outside to work on the Clark. And Starck... don't tell anyone what you just told me. We've got enough to worry about. +Miller, come in... What's going on in there, Starck? +What's going on in there, Starck? Justin's in the airlock. +What? He's awake, he's in the airlock, he's not wearing a suit. +He's awake, he's in the airlock, he's not wearing a suit. Stay here! Don't stop working! +I'm on my way, Starck. You better hurry. He's engaged the override, we can't open the inner door. +Tuck yourself into a crouched position, shut your eyes as tight as you can! Five seconds. +Weir can't be alive. Whatever was on that bridge wasn't Weir. +Weir activated the drive. He's sending us to the Other Place. We've got to shut it down, we've got to... +BLOW THE FUCKER UP. Blow it up? +Blow it up? We blow the Corridor. Use the foredecks as a lifeboat, separate it from the rest of the ship. We stay put... +I'll do it -- No. I'll be right back. +We're armed. This fucker's ready to blow... ...repeat, we're armed... +...repeat, we're armed... Miller, he's back, he was in the tank... +Weir. He's dead... +First time in a grav couch? Yes. +Don't worry about it. He's hard, but he's fair. You're lucky to be shipping out with him. He's one of the few Captains in the service with experience in the Outer Reach. He's been past Mars? +He's been past Mars? He served on the Goliath. +He served on the Goliath. Wasn't that ship destroyed? +Wasn't that ship destroyed? They attempted to rescue a supply shuttle bound for Titan. The shuttle's oh-two tanks ruptured during the rescue, flooded both ships with pure oxygen. There was a spark and both ships were incinerated. The Skipper and three others just made it to a lifeboat. Captain Miller was able... +Claire... DJ! It's okay. You're okay. Just breathe. +Here's another one. They're all over the place. They're explosive charges. +Dr. Weir, what's this the door to? You're at the Bridge, Ms. Peters. You still haven't seen any crew? +Yes, we can see some kind of mist. What is that? Blood. Looks like arterial spray. +Blood. Looks like arterial spray. Can you see a body? +Can you see a body? There's no one here. +No. I saw nothing. I did. +About an hour ago. In medical. I saw my son. He was lying on one of the examination tables and his legs were... Isn't it possible that you were traumatized by finding the body on the bridge? +Isn't it possible that you were traumatized by finding the body on the bridge? I've seen bodies before. This is different. +There's no one in the corridor but us. Not according to the computer. +He's engaged the override. Can you shut it down? +Yes. Yes, Justin, we heard it. Keep him talking. +Keep him talking. Do you know what it was? +Almost got it. Come on, Baby-bear, open this door... +We have to do something, oh God... Skipper, Justin just activated the door. It's on a thirty second delay... +You got any coffee? It's cold. +It's cold. I don't care. +Hey... "Say this paper represents space-time, and you want to get from ""point A"" here... ...to ""point B,"" here. Now: what's the shortest distance between two points?" +Where is she? Dead ahead, 5000 meters. +Jesus, that is one big ugly fat fucker... She's not ugly. +Foredecks. Crew quarters, bridge, medical and science labs, hydroponics, what have you. That central section connects the forward decks to the Engineering containment area. Can we move in closer? Shit, Doc, any closer and we're gonna need a rubber... +What the hell is that? That's the Core: the gravity drive. The heart of the ship. +The safety circuit's failed! We're losing atmosphere... +What? It still has air and reserve power, we can activate gravity and life support. +I didn't see anything and I don't have to see anything. This ship is fucked. Thank you for that scientific analysis, Mister Smith. +Thank you for that scientific analysis, Mister Smith. Hey! You don't need to be a scientist figure it out... +I can't believe this, I haven't gotten more than my hand in six weeks and now this shit. Why not Mars, Cap, Mars has women... Smith's right. Neptune? There's nothing out there. If something happens, we'll be on our own. +30 hours to Neptune orbit. All boards are green, everything's five by five. +You can't do that. The law of relativity prohibits faster- than-light travel... +This is U.S. Aerospace Command vessel Lewis and Clark, hailing Event Horizon, Event Horizon, do you read...? This is the Lewis and Clark, hailing... Matching speed... now. Range to target ten thousand meters and closing... Skipper, I got a bad feeling about this... +If they are, they're screening their calls. Range 3000 meters and closing. +The scope is lit, it's right in front of us... 1000 meters... +Range 500 meters and holding. Turbulence is dropping off... Picking up magnetic interference. +What happened to his eyes? Explosive decompression. +Explosive decompression. Decompression wouldn't do that. +Miller, do you read me, Peters -- Get them back -- +Get them back -- I'm trying, goddammit -- +What if the air has gone bad? We can't wear these suits forever. I don't think this is a good idea, we don't even know what happened on that ship... +"Relativity, yes. We can't break the law of relativity, but we can go around it. The ship doesn't really move faster than the speed of light; it creates a dimensional gateway that allows the ship to instantaneously ""jump"" from one point in the universe to another, light years away." How? +How? Well, in layman's terms, you use a rotating magnetic field to focus a narrow beam of gravitons; these in turn fold space-time consistent with Weyl tensor dynamics until the space- time curvature becomes infinitely large and you have a singularity... +A straight line. Wrong. The shortest distance between two points... +The reactor's still hot. We've got several small radiation sources, leaks probably. Nothing serious. Do they have pressure? +Do they have pressure? Affirmative. The hull's intact... but there's no gravity and the thermal units are off line. I'm showing deep cold. The crew couldn't survive unless they were in stasis. +Could it be the crew? If they were in suspended animation, wouldn't that effect the scan? If they were in stasis, I'd get a location, but these readings, they're all over the ship. It doesn't make any sense. +What is it? Ship's log. +What is it? I don't know. The life readings just went off the scale. +That's how the gravity drive works, you see: it focuses the black hole's immense gravitational power to create the gateway. That's how the Event Horizon travels faster than light. I can't believe we built this. +Why Dr. Weir, I think you're in love. Hmmm. Claire used to tell me I loved the Event Horizon more than I loved her. I told her that wasn't true, I just knew the Event Horizon better, that's all. +Hmmm. Claire used to tell me I loved the Event Horizon more than I loved her. I told her that wasn't true, I just knew the Event Horizon better, that's all. Claire is your wife? +Claire is your wife? Yes. +Yes. It must be hard, being so far away from her. +It must be hard, being so far away from her. Yes. I miss her. She died. Two years now. +Yes. I miss her. She died. Two years now. I'm sorry. +Maybe a power interruption crashed the system... No, there's no evidence of a surge or spike of any kind. It's as if time just... stopped for seven years. +What are you doing? It wants me. I have to go. +In our current environment, Dr. Weir, self-control is an asset. I'm alright. Please. +What is it? The forward airlock. +The forward airlock. Miller, Smith, Cooper, any of you in the airlock? +"Justin said something about, ""The dark inside me..."" What did he mean?" It means nothing. +I don't think She's real big on hate. You wouldn't say that, if you could see me. +Such a sad face... You know, sometimes being different isn't a bad thing. Trust me, this ain't one of those times. +How'd you know it was me? I'm blind, not deaf. Wanna come in? +I'm not really dressed for a party. Relax, it's casual. +Relax, it's casual. No, I mean... I'm a little... dusty... +Those yours too? My step-dad's. I'm strictly into stone. I was wondering when you'd walk by. +We're going to have to work on your touch. I like the sound of that. +You know, you could'a run an ad in the personals. """Sensual blind chick seeks three- ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship.""" +"""Sensual blind chick seeks three- ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship.""" This ain't permanent. My friend Reed's working on a cure... I think. +You don't know what it's like out there. Walking around like some kind of circus freak. People staring, whispering -- I wouldn't know anything about that. +I wouldn't know anything about that. I mean... +I mean... Tell me. When you grew up in Brooklyn, how many astronauts did you know? You went your own way then. You didn't listen to people. So why start now...? +Way to not overthink it. So when do we leave? I'll schedule the launch. Call me in the morning to talk about resources and crew. +I can handle the ship. I can even handle Mr. Blonde Ambition. But I don't know if I should be flying or playing Vegas in these suits. Who the hell came up with them? Victor did. +We can monitor the cloud's approach and observe the tests from here. Is it safe? +I can only stay for one drink, Ben. I've got to meet with Victor. Wouldn't want to keep Vic waiting. +We need to give you a physical, so we know what got zapped. Well why didn't you say so? You want me to lift some weights or something? +You look like an eighties rock band. The suit will stretch. You should try it -- +The suit will stretch. You should try it -- I wouldn't be caught dead in that. +He didn't. Oh, he did. +Oh, he did. What did he do to the uniform?! +He didn't mean it. You know Johnny. He's always been a hothead -- It's not him. It's them. I can't live like this. +It's not him. It's them. I can't live like this. Just give Reed a little more time. You know how he works -- analyzing every little step before he takes one -- +Just give Reed a little more time. You know how he works -- analyzing every little step before he takes one -- It's easy for you to be patient. +It's easy for you to be patient. No, it's not. I thought I was done waiting for Reed... We're all in this together now, Ben. +Where is Reed? Victor must've taken him. +What are you doing here? I'm worried about you. +I'm worried about you. About me? How sweet. +About me? How sweet. Come on. Let me buy you something to eat. Looks like you could use the company. +Ben, come in. What is this? Where's Reed? +What is this? Where's Reed? Where do you think? With Sue. +What do you want, Vic? To help you. I've run every test known to man. And they all yield the same result: the machine is ready. +Reed said it'd be weeks till -- He also said we'd avoid that storm in space. And we know how that turned out. +"He couldn't generate enough power for the machine to reach critical mass. Yet another mistake for ""Mr. Fantastic.""" And you can? Power it up? +I'll be watching over you. Just get back soon, or I start looking for a new groom. +Soon as I'm back, I'm gonna trade that in for a bigger rock. I don't care about rocks, I care about you. You bring him back in one piece, or you can forget being Best Man. +Deb... It's me. I need you to step out front. Out front? You home, baby? I got a surprise for you. +Ben? "Don't come any closer for a sec. This is gonna be kind of a shock... You remember when we said ""together forever no matter what""?" +"Don't come any closer for a sec. This is gonna be kind of a shock... You remember when we said ""together forever no matter what""?" Baby, you're scaring me. +Oh my G-g-g. What did you... do to Ben? Deb, it's me. It's still me. +What did you wish for, honey? I already got it. Everything I want. +Good thing it ain't workin... Reed, what are we doing here? This guy's fast-food, strip-mall science -- This wasn't our first stop, in case you forgot NASA. And Victor's not that bad. He's just a little... Larger than life. +He's financed some of the biggest breakthroughs of this century. You'd never know it. +I can't take this. Ben. This is business. Just work. +What about his first born? Ben, the money's not important. We could save lives. +He knew about NASA. What if he made the call to shut us down -- Ben, think about all the people we can help if this works -- +Ben, think about all the people we can help if this works -- Maybe you should think about yourself for once. You always let this guy push you round -- +Maybe you should think about yourself for once. You always let this guy push you round -- We got what we wanted. That's enough. +We got what we wanted. That's enough. I know, I know. I'm just worried about what he wants... Speaking of which... +Can't do it. I cannot do it. External SRBs, orbital system engines. Its just like the shuttles you flew in -- +External SRBs, orbital system engines. Its just like the shuttles you flew in -- No. I cannot take orders from that underwear model. That wingnut washed out of NASA for sneaking two Victoria Secret wannabes into a flight simulator. +No. I cannot take orders from that underwear model. That wingnut washed out of NASA for sneaking two Victoria Secret wannabes into a flight simulator. Youthful high spirits. +They crashed it into a wall. A flight simulator. I'm sure he's matured since then. +When have I asked you to do something you absolutely said you could not do? Five times. +Five times. I had it at four. +I had it at four. This makes five. +Isn't that your speech? He's made a few changes. +He's made a few changes. This is your dream, Reed. You should be the one up there. +This is your dream, Reed. You should be the one up there. Victor's better at these things. +The shields on the station should protect us. Should? +I ain't done arranging your flowers, egghead. Ben. This is serious. Turn around. +How long was I out? Three days. I was worried about you. How are you feeling? +Three days. I was worried about you. How are you feeling? Solid. +I don't know. I just keep going over and over the numbers. Reed. Even you can't compute every little thing. +Reed. Even you can't compute every little thing. I should have done more, run more tests -- +You go through something like this, makes you appreciate having the right woman in your life. Yeah, you and Debbie and perfect -- +Yeah, you and Debbie and perfect -- Reed, I'm not talking about Debbie. +What? Come on. She's got a good thing with Victor -- I'm sorry, did that cosmic-bath loosen your screws? +I'm sorry, did that cosmic-bath loosen your screws? He's smart, powerful, successful -- +He's smart, powerful, successful -- Well maybe you should date him. +Are you alright? I think I need to lie down. Bad shrimp. +What the --! Ben. Are you okay? +Ben. Are you okay? Am I okay?! You wanna explain that?! +We had a tough year. Yeah, nine years straight. +You got a chisel round here? If we're going to identify the source of the mutation, we need to isolate your recombinant DNA so we can activate positional genomes. +Okay. I've uh, got some questions, from Sue. That she thought might be better coming from me... Can you, you know, go to the bathroom... like normal... Yeah. You don't wanna know the details. +Yeah. You don't wanna know the details. Ben, I'm afraid I've got to ask -- +Ben, I'm afraid I've got to ask -- Not unless you want that clipboard stretched up your -- +Not unless you want that clipboard stretched up your -- O-kay. We'll skip that question. +It's about to be a broken face. This isn't permanent, Johnny. We need to be careful until we're normal again. +Ben -- Oh, you remember my name do you? You happen to remember what you swore to do with every breath in your body? +Oh, you remember my name do you? You happen to remember what you swore to do with every breath in your body? We're working as hard as we can -- +We're working as hard as we can -- Yeah. I can tell. Victor was right. +"Glad ""nothing"" could take you away from your work." Ben, I don't know if this thing'll change us back or make us worse. I need you to be patient for a little while longe-- +Time for your lesson, Vic. Chem 101: what happens when you supercool hot metal...? Ben... Got it, teach. +Ben, I've been crunching the numbers on the machine. I think if we can rework the power settings... Forget it, egghead. I'm good as is. +What the hell you smiling at? Just keep your mouth shut, and your mind on those SMBs -- Actually, the engines are SMEs. Hydrogenbase, carbon propellant. Couple generations past your last ride. I'm not as dumb as you look. +If you behave, maybe next time daddy'll let you drive. Keep talking, there won't be a next time. +Please tell me your dawg's not trying to rekindle things with my sister. 'Course not. Strictly business. +'Course not. Strictly business. Yeah, well, his eyes say different. +Yeah, well, his eyes say different. Hey, two hearts got busted last time. Maybe she's not over it either. +Hey, two hearts got busted last time. Maybe she's not over it either. Let's see: you got Victor, stud of the year, more coin than God? Or Reed, the world's dumbest smart guy worth less than a postage stamp. Hmmm, it's a toss-up. +Let's see: you got Victor, stud of the year, more coin than God? Or Reed, the world's dumbest smart guy worth less than a postage stamp. Hmmm, it's a toss-up. Put your tiny little mind at ease. +Put your tiny little mind at ease. Don't you wander off, boy. +Where... where am I? Back on Earth. Victor's medical facility... We're in quarantine. +Back on Earth. Victor's medical facility... We're in quarantine. Reed?... Sue? +Reed?... Sue? They're fine. Everybody else... is fine. +What's wrong with me? I swear to you they've done everything humanly possible. The best plastic surgeons in the world, Ben. You had the best -- +I swear to you they've done everything humanly possible. The best plastic surgeons in the world, Ben. You had the best -- Give me a mirror... +They said that's not such a good idea, the shock alone could -- Give me the god damn mirror! +Hey! That's a prototype! Go back to the drawing board. +The machine works. And Vic's gone Mister Hyde on us -- Really? With a name like Von Doom? Never saw that one coming. +No more cracks about how I look. Hey, I'm Mr. Sensitivity now. Clear the way, wide load coming through. +Your tissue, your organs, your entire biophysical structure is changing. Every system is still functioning, somehow -- And they're changing into... +And they're changing into... I don't really know. A compound organic-metallic alloy. Stronger than titanium or carbon steel. Harder than diamonds -- +I don't really know. A compound organic-metallic alloy. Stronger than titanium or carbon steel. Harder than diamonds -- Like the shields Reed said would protect us. How long? +Like the shields Reed said would protect us. How long? At this rate, the infection should be complete in two, maybe three weeks -- +At this rate, the infection should be complete in two, maybe three weeks -- "What do you mean ""complete""?" +"What do you mean ""complete""?" I wish I could tell you. I can't pretend to know what we're dealing with here. I'll notify the CDC and -- +What? The Center for Disease Control. If this thing is contagious -- +But... this disease... is progressive... degenerative... That's terrible news... +And where do we think we're going? "I don't know if ""we've"" noticed, but the sickest runs this side of the Alps are right outside that window --" +You're hot! So are you! +So are you! I mean, you feel a little feverish. +I mean, you feel a little feverish. I've never felt better in my life. When do you get off work? +I've never felt better in my life. When do you get off work? My shift ends at four, but I couldn't -- +My shift ends at four, but I couldn't -- Meet me at 4:01, top of the run. That'll give you a minute to freshen up. +Me like-y. Stay right. Left is trouble. +Stay right. Left is trouble. I though we went over this. +I though we went over this. Last one down springs for room service. +You're on fire! Not this again -- +Not this again -- No: You're ON FIRE! +Victor's right. Johnny, get to the command center. Close the shields. What about you? +He's not responsive -- Ben! Ben! +Now what is up with that? The cloud has fundamentally altered our DNA. +The cloud has fundamentally altered our DNA. Cool. What'd it do to you guys? +Oh, you dawg you. Better not be my nurse! Ben, are you there? +This is wrong in so many ways. You've been working out. +Ben Grimm is a genuine American hero who's been through a terrible orde-- What he's trying to say is: every team needs a mascot... +Twenty? From outside the place looks a lot taller. Oh, it is. +We should stay here until we can define the extent of our changes... This place is deluxe. You got cable? +This place is deluxe. You got cable? ...and figure out how to reverse them. Let me show you to your rooms. +Back it down, Johnny! I can go hotter! +Not only could you kill yourself, but you could set fire to Earth's atmosphere and destroy all human life as we know it. Gotcha. Okay. Supernova bad. +Is there something about flames? About flaming, that you -- What are you trying to say? Just because I dress well and like to dance -- +What are you trying to say? Just because I dress well and like to dance -- What? No. I'm trying to figure out why we each ended up with different symptoms. +What? No. I'm trying to figure out why we each ended up with different symptoms. Oh, well that's easy: I'm hot. You're... well, you're a little limp. Sue's easy to see through. And Ben's always been a hardass. Why aren't you writing this down? +He's right. These costumes are... missing something. I can't put my finger on it -- They're not costumes. +That's what I'm trying to calculate. And it's not rubber. It's muscle, tendon. I seem to have the ability to manipulate the malleability of my molecular structure and redistribute my density to -- Right, whatever, have fun. +You need to control yourself and think before you -- Act. Here we go again. Reed, what if we got these gifts for a reason? What if we have some, you know... like, calling? +Act. Here we go again. Reed, what if we got these gifts for a reason? What if we have some, you know... like, calling? A higher calling like getting girls and making money? +Johnny. SUPERNOVA. But all these people... +But all these people... Now. +The synthetics act as a second skin, adapting to your individual needs to -- Keep the hot side hot, and the cool side cool! +Apparently I can disappear. Please tell me you go silent too. +Flame on, flame off. Flame on, flame off -- Johnny. +Stop it. "Okay, ""mom.""" +What is that thing? I think that thing is Ben. +Wait. You mean there's chance we could be full-on-24-7-fantastic? Grow up, Johnny. You want to run around on fire for the rest of your life? +Grow up, Johnny. You want to run around on fire for the rest of your life? Is that a trick question? C'mon, I can't be the only one who thinks this is cool. +You're really cramping my style here. You were at 4000 Kelvin. Any hotter, you're approaching supernova -- +You were at 4000 Kelvin. Any hotter, you're approaching supernova -- Sweet. +Sweet. That's the temperature of the sun. +Uh, we call my sister the invisible girl... the Invisible Girl. Girl...?! +I'm driving. Dude. That's my sister. +You're gonna pay for that, Pebbles. What?! "You gave us names? What are you, the ""face"" of the Fantastic Four now?" +You two need a time-out. Blockhead started it! +Johnny? Did you see Ben? Yeah, for the last time, I hope. I'm done with this freak show. I'm moving back to the real world. +Yeah, for the last time, I hope. I'm done with this freak show. I'm moving back to the real world. "Is that what you call it? ""Real""?" +"Is that what you call it? ""Real""?" At least it beats living in a lab like somebody's science project. +Johnny, slow down. Think. You know mom didn't raise us to -- Look around, sis! She's not here. So you can stop talking to me like I'm your little boy -- +Look around, sis! She's not here. So you can stop talking to me like I'm your little boy -- As soon as you stop acting like one. Come on, you're smarter than this. You think those people out there care about you? You're just a fad to them. +I'm sorry, sis, for leaving you guys -- No, I'm sorry, for pushing you out. +What are you doing -- Sis. Let me take care of you for once. +Sis. Let me take care of you for once. But Johnny... you can't fly. +If Reed's right, then this little trip will double our stock offering. And if he's not...? +And if he's not...? Reed's always right. Good thing he doesn't always know what he's got... +They're ready for you, sir. Showtime. +Our numbers are through the roof. The IPO's tracking at fifty, sixty a share. The bank's five times oversubscribed -- It's not just the money. I could make money in my sleep. +It's not just the money. I could make money in my sleep. Then what is it? +Then what is it? History, Leonard. History. Everything else is conversation... How's the other matter? +Leonard, how's the feed? Recording, sir. We see you perfectly. +How's the IPO? Stable. We're looking at low twenties. It's a good number, considering the fallout from -- +Stable. We're looking at low twenties. It's a good number, considering the fallout from -- Reed's disaster. You know, I half- think he did this to me on purpose. +Reed's disaster. You know, I half- think he did this to me on purpose. Sir, I'm sure he wouldn't put himself -- +Get me on the AM shows, Larry King, cover of the Journal... I've got to do something about this scar. Make sure they only shoot my right side. "Actually, uh, people seem to think the scar ""humanizes"" you." +"Actually, uh, people seem to think the scar ""humanizes"" you." And that's a good thing? +You know, maybe you should get some rest -- Later. First, I've got some unfinished business. A deal that needs closing... +Sir, I've always wondered... Why Sue? You could have any woman in the world but -- "That's why. Because I could have any other woman... You know, when they asked Caesar ""why England,"" he said, ""because it's not mine.""" +Make sure you find Ben, bring him back here. And keep it quiet. I don't need this to hit the press. Yes sir. You've got the Mayor at eight, then a nine-thirty interview with the Journal -- +Yes sir. You've got the Mayor at eight, then a nine-thirty interview with the Journal -- Front page? +Front page? Top left, like you asked. Today Wall Street. Tomorrow, who knows... maybe Washington. +You're, you've, I mean, how have you bee-- Never better. +Those solar winds are flaring, but I factored them into my coordinates and -- I was talking about us. Working together. +Well, uh, based on our history... you can handle the biogenetics, and I'll focus on the molecular physics. Or, uhm, maybe I should take the biotech, you work the microscopes, since you have some background in electropho-- Right. That's exactly what I meant. +I, uh, think I remember the number. It's been changed. +As far as crew, I was hoping Ben could pilot the mission -- Well, he's welcome to ride shotgun, but we already have a pilot on our payroll. You remember my brother Johnny... +Material made from self-regulating unstable molecules. I've been working on a formula for this. Great minds think alike. +Feeling better? Yes, thanks. +Yes, thanks. That's good. That's uh... good. +That's good. That's uh... good. You always had a way with words. I should be getting back. +You're happy for me and Victor. I can tell you guys are enjoying what was the best part of our relationship -- +I can tell you guys are enjoying what was the best part of our relationship -- Which was? +Which was? Passion. +For science. You are such a dork, Reed... You never got it and never will unless it's explained to you in quantum physics. +Uh, Sue...? I can't. What? What do you mean you -- +What? What do you mean you -- Sue... look at your hands. +It has to be the cloud. It's fundamentally altered our DNA. Let's not jump to conclusions, we need a massive amount of evidence before making that leap. +What? We need to get past them. +Sue. Your clothes. Lose them. What...? Oh. +How come Ben can't turn it on and off like us? That's what we're here to find out. +That's what we're here to find out. If it happened to him, then it could... +"It's not ""invisibility"" per se. You're bending the light around you with some kind of malleable force field. That's what you projected on the Bridge." What about you? You haven't eaten in days. How come you're never on this side of the microscope? +You should be able to bend light around other objects, even people, if you could control your emotional state better -- Excuse me? +I'm saying, if you had a little more self control, you could locate the trigger. Can you remember the exact emotions when -- Anger. Rage. Frustration. +Anger. Rage. Frustration. Okay. Is there any way to duplicate that feeling? Some memory or... +Okay. Is there any way to duplicate that feeling? Some memory or... I'm sure I can come up with something. +I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that... You must think that was some kind of latent hostility or -- What in the world would give me that idea? +I mean, you broke up with me, right? Are you kidding? +Are you kidding? No, I distinctly remember: you walked out my door. Ergo... +Reed. I was ready for the next step, you weren't, ergo, I walked. I think it was a little more complicated than -- +I think it was a little more complicated than -- I just wanted to share an apartment. What was so complicated about that? +There were a lot of variables to consider -- No. There weren't. There was you. And me. No variables, no math. It was actually the simplest thing in the world. But your head got in the way... like it always does. +What are you doing? The plants, from space. Their particles are still charged. With the right amount of energy, those ions could create the elemental profile of the cosmic storm. +If we can build a machine to re-create the storm, we can reverse the polarity -- And reverse the mutations -- +And reverse the mutations -- Curing countless diseases, not just ours. +But we're the focus, right Reed? Reed...? Of course. Of course. +Of course. Of course. And you sure you can control this thing? Last time didn't work out so well. +And you sure you can control this thing? Last time didn't work out so well. With the right energy, we can stabilize the storm. Maybe tie into the city grid... +Reed. How close are we to a cure? No way to know. Without more tests, experiments. +Don't let Victor push you into making a mistake -- He was going to take away all my data, equipment -- +He was going to take away all my data, equipment -- Better than your life. Victor's not the one who has to get into that thing. We are. +Which is why I'm working twenty hours a day, checking every variable -- Every variable but yourself. You don't eat, sleep. You can't live in your head like -- +Every variable but yourself. You don't eat, sleep. You can't live in your head like -- I'm not the only one in there. I got you, Vic, Ben, Johnny, all rattling around in there. +I could get Ben to tap into the Baxter's main power to generate enough voltage -- Reed. Shh. Just be quiet. And look up. +Remember our first date here...? God, I was so nervous. You were? +You were? Of course I was. I'd read all your papers on bioethics. Some of them two times just so I'd have something to say to you. +You know, I bribed the projectionist ten bucks to keep it open late? I gave him twenty. +You always talked about how you liked the kind of man who could approach you... speak his mind. One who wasn't afraid to tell you what he wanted. I did. I did, Reed... but I wanted you to be that man. +When I walked out, I waited ten minutes outside your door. Ten. Waiting for you to come find me. Why didn't you say something? +Why didn't you say something? That would have kinda defeated the purpose. And Reed... I'm saying it now. +I can... make it work. Reed, stop, you need to rest your -- +Reed, stop, you need to rest your -- The power... I need... more power... to control... the storm -- +The power... I need... more power... to control... the storm -- You need a doctor. +Sue, I need some of that anger, rage, frustration -- I'm sure I can come up with something. +I found a broken gasket, from space -- A gasket? Reed, we're at a party. +But dreams don't pay the bills, do they? Same old Reed, the hopeless optimist. Still reaching for the stars, with the world on your back. You remember in school we talked about working together. That's what I was about to explain... +This isn't going to be a problem, is it? Not at all. +You back this mission, and I'll sign over a fair percentage of any applications or -- The number's seventy-five. And it's applications and patents. +Funny how things turn out, isn't it? Hilarious. +Got it. So take a walk, Ben... I'm going to borrow Susan for a second. Sure. +We've got minutes until it hits, not hours... Victor, that storm's deadly -- the radiation's lethal. We need to abort. Get a grip. Reed. We didn't come all this way to lose our nerve at the first little glitch. Just close the shields... +Get a grip. Reed. We didn't come all this way to lose our nerve at the first little glitch. Just close the shields... Ben's still out there -- +Ben's still out there -- So reel him in. But we came here to do a job. So let's do it. Quickly. +Come on, Ben, come on... Reed, we're running out of time. +Not until Ben is back inside! It's too late for him, and soon it'll be too late for all of us. +Just a little banged up. A couple scrapes. Why? Ben did this. +Ben did this. Ben did this? +Ben did this? He's had some kind of... reaction to exposure from the cloud. And he's not the only one. +I'm starting to wonder the same thing... How much do you know about what happened to you? Not much. We need to run tests to see the extent of the damage. +Didn't go as planned? It was a catastrophe. You ruined the lives of four people -- I ruined? With all due respect, I told you to abort -- +I ruined? With all due respect, I told you to abort -- Abort? Reed, I put my company, my name, billions of dollars on the line, and I will not let you make me look like a fool -- +Abort? Reed, I put my company, my name, billions of dollars on the line, and I will not let you make me look like a fool -- Victor, if we could understand what happened to us -- +Victor, if we could understand what happened to us -- I don't want to understand it. This isn't one of your science projects. I just want to fix it. Fast! +What are you doing here? What I should have done a long time ago. Applications and patents, Reed. This all belongs to me. +But I'm not done with the machine -- Which is precisely the point. Analysis is over. It's time for action. My men could have mass-produced this by now. +It's just business. I think you both know my Director of Genetic Research, Susan Storm. +Surprised I agreed to Reed's proposal? I understand the business reasons. +I understand the business reasons. Well, when you're looking at your future, it never hurts to find closure about the past. +It's been a good two years, Victor... The company's accomplished so much. Right, of course, the company... But you see, I've come to realize all the accomplishments in the world mean nothing without someone to share them with -- +Right, of course, the company... But you see, I've come to realize all the accomplishments in the world mean nothing without someone to share them with -- Uh, Victor, I hope I haven't done something to make you think... +Uh, Victor, I hope I haven't done something to make you think... Sue, I've lived my life unafraid of taking big steps. And this is the biggest step yet. If it helps, think of this as a promotion. A merger of sorts... Four little words that can change our lives... +What are you doing? Raising the shields. +Raising the shields. You can't leave them out there. +What's going on? Victor, are you feeling alright? +Victor, I'm sorry I -- Just find him. +Victor, your scar -- I told you, I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about. +I told you, I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to -- +I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to -- Please, no apologies. I've arranged for your things to be moved to one of my condos. You'll have round-the clock care. +You said it was urgent. It is. There's something we need to talk about. Something I need to ask you... +Victor, wait, slow down a second. I want you to know I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I just don't -- Susan. What are you doing? +He's working round the clock. But the data needs to be tested, analyzed before -- Same old Reed. All analysis, no action. Wasn't that the problem with you two? +If these molecules aren't stable, they could make us worse, maybe even kill us. Then why is Reed dragging his feet? Maybe he likes having his prize specimen under glass... It's ironic, isn't it? You're finally the perfect woman for him... because you're his science project. +Please don't make this personal -- Oh, I think you already have. +Oh, I think you already have. Victor, we can't do anything until the research is ready. +'Scuse me. I know it can't be easy. Life hasn't changed that much for Reed, Sue and Johnny. At least they can go out in public. But for you? People staring. Whispering behind your back... +I know it can't be easy. Life hasn't changed that much for Reed, Sue and Johnny. At least they can go out in public. But for you? People staring. Whispering behind your back... If you're trying to cheer me up you're doing a helluva job -- +If you're trying to cheer me up you're doing a helluva job -- I'm just saying, I know what it's like to lose something you love. To see it slip away, and know it's never coming back. +Reed's gonna fix me up -- For your sake I hope you're right. I'm sorry if that sounds a little skeptical. +For your sake I hope you're right. I'm sorry if that sounds a little skeptical. Skeptical...? +Brad, can I talk to you a minute? Arnold. What's happening? +Brad, I really fuckin' hate McDonald's, man. Ever since they started in with the chicken, everything went downhill. You want to work at Carl's? +You want to work at Carl's? Oh, man, if you could swing something there, I'd do anything for you. I want to work with you guys. +Oh, man, if you could swing something there, I'd do anything for you. I want to work with you guys. I can probably get you in there. Just let me talk to Dennis Taylor. +I can probably get you in there. Just let me talk to Dennis Taylor. All right!! +Were those flowers really for me, Brad? Of course. +Of course. How much did they cost? +How much did they cost? Don't worry about it. +What's there to do at the Point? God, Lisa, we've been going together almost two years, and... Brad. I don't want to have to use sex as a tool. +Brad. I don't want to have to use sex as a tool. Tool? Tool for what? We've been going together almost two years! +Tool? Tool for what? We've been going together almost two years! I don't want to talk about it here, Brad. +Man, I don't even want to see those guys from Carl's again. If you'd apologize I think Dennis would take you back. +If you'd apologize I think Dennis would take you back. Apologize to that wimp? No way. Fuck Dennis Taylor. +I'm just glad we're still together, Lisa, because I need you this year. Look, Brad, I've been trying to think of a way to tell you this. We're almost out of high school, this is our last year. I think we owe it to ourselves to be free, and meet some new people. Then, if we get back together, we'll know it's the right thing. +Something happened to them, mon. Come on, Spicoli. Why don't you just put your shirts back on? See the sign? +Go ahead. Just make it quick. Totally. +Totally. It's the first door on your left. +I can't find it, mon! It's the first door on your left! +It's the first door on your left! On the ledge? +On the ledge? First door on your left! +First door on your left! There it is! +Easy, mon. Later. +Hamilton, come over here. What is that you've got on? This is how I dress all the time. +This is how I dress all the time. But you took off your Captain Kidd uniform. +But you took off your Captain Kidd uniform. I thought I'd take it off for the drive over to IBM. It's kind of uncomfortable. +Come on, Hamilton. You're going over there to represent Captain Kidd Fish and Chips. We have stores all over Southern California. Part of our image, part of our appeal is in our uniforms. You know that! You really want me to put all this stuff back on? +You really want me to put all this stuff back on? Yes. I think so. Show some pride, Hamilton. +Well, I believe you have to fill out a form. There's a pad right around here. No. I want my money back right now. +No. I want my money back right now. Well, that's not the way it works, really. And you ate most of your food already, too... +Well, that's not the way it works, really. And you ate most of your food already, too... See that sign? It says 100% Money Back Guarantee. Do you know the meaning of the word 'guarantee'? Do they teach you that here? Give me my money back. +I can't do that. But if you wait a minute... Look. Just put your little hand back in the cash register and give me my $2.75 back. Okay? Please, Brad? +Look. Just put your little hand back in the cash register and give me my $2.75 back. Okay? Please, Brad? I'm sorry, sir. Just let me find the forms here. +I'm sorry, sir. Just let me find the forms here. I am so tired. I am so tired of dealing with morons. How hard is it to... +Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna kick 100% of your ass. Manager!! +Hi, Brad. Sis. +Everyone wants to know where Lisa is. How should I know where Lisa is? What am I gonna do? Now my little sister goes to the same high school. The party's over. So who do you have first period? U.S. History. Mr. Hand. +U.S. History. Mr. Hand. Hey-yo. +Mom says to clean up the pool. Why can't you do it? +Why can't you do it? Your friends use the pool. Your friends messed it up. +Your friends use the pool. Your friends messed it up. Your friends use the pool too. +Your friends use the pool too. I take out the garbage. +I take out the garbage. Don't strain yourself. +Brad! Have Mom or Dad seen this? They're not home yet. +They're not home yet. Brad, what would you say if I asked you to just put these flowers in the trunk of the Cruising Vessel and get rid of them at work? +Brad, what would you say if I asked you to just put these flowers in the trunk of the Cruising Vessel and get rid of them at work? I'd say... who the hell is Ron Johnson? +I'd say... who the hell is Ron Johnson? I'll explain everything later. +Thanks for getting rid of those flowers. Don't worry about it. Who sent the flowers? +Don't worry about it. Who sent the flowers? It's just some guy I met at Swenson's. You don't know him. +It's just some guy I met at Swenson's. You don't know him. I don't care it you tell me or not. I got problems of my own. +Is everything okay at work? Are you kidding? Work is great. I kill at work. I don't even mind Mom and Dad making me pay rent. +Are you kidding? Work is great. I kill at work. I don't even mind Mom and Dad making me pay rent. You're going to break up with Lisa, aren't you? +You're going to break up with Lisa, aren't you? I've been doing some thinking. It's my last school year. I'm a single, successful guy. I think I want my freedom. +I've been doing some thinking. It's my last school year. I'm a single, successful guy. I think I want my freedom. Why? Because she won't sleep with you? +Why? Because she won't sleep with you? Where did you hear that? +Where did you hear that? I'm just guessing. +I'm just guessing. Well... it's true. +Well... it's true. Maybe you just need to give her some time. She's so nice, Brad. Everybody loves Lisa. +Maybe you just need to give her some time. She's so nice, Brad. Everybody loves Lisa. Everybody loves Lisa. Everybody loves Lisa. But everybody doesn't have to be her boyfriend. +Hey, Brad. Are you still a virgin? Why? +Why? I don't know. I was just curious. +I don't know. I was just curious. Maybe yes. Maybe no. +Maybe yes. Maybe no. You are a virgin! +You are a virgin! I didn't say that. +I didn't say that. But your face did! +Are you still a virgin? Maybe yes. Maybe no. +Maybe yes. Maybe no. Don't give me that shit! I know you're still a virgin! +Does Mom know you have company? It's just Linda. And Mark from school. +Yeah. This is it. I have some shopping to do. See you later. +See you later. Thanks a lot, Brad. I really appreciate it. +Since when do you shop at the Flea Market anyway? Brad. Please don't tell Mom and Dad... +You're not going to tell me, are you? No. +No. All right, then. It's your secret. +Any problems? No, just a couple of surfers with no shirts on. I took care of it, Dennis. +Did you throw away those fries, Hamilton? They were left over from the last shift. +They were left over from the last shift. Those were perfectly good fries, Hamilton. Perfectly good. +Those were perfectly good fries, Hamilton. Perfectly good. But they weren't mine. +Come on. Clean that counter off Brad. Let's go. Play ball. Okay, Dennis. +Did you threaten this man or use profanity in any way? He insulted me first. He called me a moron. +He insulted me first. He called me a moron. Did you threaten this customer or use profanity in any way? +Did you threaten this customer or use profanity in any way? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. You're fired. +Dad says you have to get up! Ugh. +Leave me alone! Dad says you're late again, you butthole! +Dad says you're late again, you butthole! Leave me alone. +Leave me alone. Dad says! +Jeff you have company! Go away, Curtis. If you can't knock, I can't hear you. +Nice to meet you, Stacy. Nice to meet you. +Hey! We came over to help you with Math homework! Oh, really? +Well, that's exactly why I brought some Wisk for the jacuzzi. O-kay, you guys can come swimming. But you have to leave as soon as my Mom gets home. Okay? +I can't wait until I can drive next year. I walk every day. It's such a drag. Get a ride with somebody. +Get a ride with somebody. Sometimes I get a ride with my brother. But he usually works in the mornings, and then drives to school himself. +Sometimes I get a ride with my brother. But he usually works in the mornings, and then drives to school himself. What a guy. +You know Mark Ratner really likes you. You like him? Mark is a really nice boy... +Do you have any ice tea? Sure. Come on in. +I guess the annuals are coming in pretty soon. Are you going to get one? I don't know. +I don't know. Aren't you curious to see how your class picture turned out? +Aren't you curious to see how your class picture turned out? I know what I look like. +Do you want to take a quick swim? Well... +Well... Brad probably has some trunks you can borrow... I'm going to my room to change! +Pick a suit. I don't know. It's getting pretty late... +Are you really a virgin? Come on... +Listen. I feel pretty strange here. Because Mark really likes you, and he's my friend. He's my friend, too. +You're a really good kisser. So are you. Are you shaking? +So are you. Are you shaking? No. Are you crazy? +Why don't you take off your clothes, Mike? You first. +You first. How about both of us at the same time? +I want you to know that it's your final decision if we should continue or not. Let's continue. +Hey, Mike? What? Are you all right? +What? Are you all right? I think we're making a lot of noise. +I think we're making a lot of noise. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. +What's wrong? I think I came. Didn't you feel it? +I think I came. Didn't you feel it? I guess I did. +Oh. Hi. I didn't see you this morning. +I didn't see you this morning. Look, I'm kind of in a hurry. +Look, I'm kind of in a hurry. I'm in a hurry too. I just thought I could say hi to you. +I'm in a hurry too. I just thought I could say hi to you. Hello. +What's going on? Mike, there's something that's been on my mind and I have to tell you about it. +Mike, there's something that's been on my mind and I have to tell you about it. What? Now? +Why don't you call me up tonight? Mike. I want you to know that I'm pregnant. +How do you know it's mine? We only did it once. I know it's yours. +Take that back. All right, I take it back. +There's only one thing we can do. We've got to get rid of it. We've got to get an abortion. We've got to get an abortion? +We've got to get an abortion? Yeah. My brother Art got his girlfriend one once. +Yeah. My brother Art got his girlfriend one once. It's already planned, Mike. It's going to cost $150 at the Free Clinic. +It's already planned, Mike. It's going to cost $150 at the Free Clinic. Doesn't sound free to me. So you want me to pay for it? +Doesn't sound free to me. So you want me to pay for it? Half. Okay? Seventy-five dollars. And a ride to the clinic. +Half. Okay? Seventy-five dollars. And a ride to the clinic. Seventy-five dollars, and a ride. Okay. +Mike! You have a mess on C-9! All right. All right. I just cleaned B-8. Give me a break. +All right. All right. I just cleaned B-8. Give me a break. Get going. +Do you ever look at those girls who work at Swenson's? They're beautiful. And I have to stand out here and watch them six nights a week. You should work for yourself. +You... are a wuss. Part wimp. Part pussy. What do you mean -- wuss? This girl is my exact type. It's her. Definitely her. +What do you mean -- wuss? This girl is my exact type. It's her. Definitely her. It's definitely your mama. +It's definitely your mama. Damone, you gotta listen to me. +All right... where did you see her? She's in my biology class. +She's in my biology class. Did you get her number? +Did you get her number? No. +No. Did you get her name? +Did you get her name? No. It's too soon. +No. It's too soon. It's never too soon! Girls decide how far to let you go in the first five minutes. +It's never too soon! Girls decide how far to let you go in the first five minutes. Well, what do you want me to do? Go up to this strange girl in my biology class and say, 'Hello! I'd like you to take your clothes off and jump on me?' +Well, what do you want me to do? Go up to this strange girl in my biology class and say, 'Hello! I'd like you to take your clothes off and jump on me?' I would. Yeah. +I would. Yeah. Really? +Really? I can see it all now. This is going to be just like the girl you fell in love with at Fotomat this summer. You bought forty bucks of fuckin' film and you never even talked to her. +I can see it all now. This is going to be just like the girl you fell in love with at Fotomat this summer. You bought forty bucks of fuckin' film and you never even talked to her. You tell me, Mike. What do I do? +You tell me, Mike. What do I do? Okay. Okay. Here's what you do. +Don't talk to her. Let her know. Use your face. Use your body. Use everything. This is what I do. I just sent out the vibe and I have personally found that... girls do respond. Something happens. Of course something happens. You put the vibe out to thirty million chicks, you know something's gonna happen. +Of course something happens. You put the vibe out to thirty million chicks, you know something's gonna happen. That's the idea, Rat. That's The Attitude. +That's the idea, Rat. That's The Attitude. The Attitude? The Attitude dictates that you don't care if she comes, stays, lays or prays. Whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. When you are the cruelest and the coolest... then you have The Attitude. +The business is changing, Rat. I'll tell you, these kids today... they don't even listen to Aerosmith. I hear they all dress like that at Lincoln now. +I hear they all dress like that at Lincoln now. There used to be three or four of those guys. Now we see 'em every time we come to the mall. +Hey, Rat. Yeah? +Yeah? Ace the jacket. +Knock it off, Damone. I need real help. What do you mean? Men have died trying to obtain this information. I will give it to you for free. +Okay. Tell me. What's the Five Point Plan? All right. Pay attention. +And that is how you talk to a girl, Rat. Voila. You can't miss. I think I've got it. Once I get going, I'll be okay. But... how do I get started? I mean, I hardly know her. +I think I've got it. Once I get going, I'll be okay. But... how do I get started? I mean, I hardly know her. You wuss. It's no problem. One person says something to the other and that's how it starts... +Yo. Damone. It's Mark. +Damone. It's Mark. Mark. What happened to your date? +Mark. What happened to your date? It's happening right now. I'm here at the Atlantis. Everything's fine except... I left my wallet at home. +It's happening right now. I'm here at the Atlantis. Everything's fine except... I left my wallet at home. Did you go home and get it? +Did you go home and get it? No. It's too late. The food is coming and everything. Damone, I've got to ask you this favor, and I'll never ask you for anything again in this lifetime or any other. Will you please borrow your mom's car, go by my house, get my wallet, and meet me back here? +Damone, are you there? I'm really pretty busy... +Hey, Mark. Is that you? Damone! You come here? +Damone! You come here? I come for the seafood. It's great! Hey... you know what, Mark? I found your wallet the other day. You want it back? +I come for the seafood. It's great! Hey... you know what, Mark? I found your wallet the other day. You want it back? Wow. I've been looking for that thing! Hey, Damone, have you met Stacy Hamilton? Stacy, this is Mike Damone. +Well, I've gotta be running. Okay. See ya. +Poor guy. Really. +No. I don't think so. Not right now. Chicken! +If you ask me, she's pretty aggressive. You understand what I'm saying? No Damone. I don't understand. +No Damone. I don't understand. She wasn't really your girlfriend anyway. +She wasn't really your girlfriend anyway. Hey fuck you Damone. There's a lot of girls out there and you mess around with Stacy. What have you got to prove? +Hey fuck you Damone. There's a lot of girls out there and you mess around with Stacy. What have you got to prove? Jesus. I'm sorry. +Jesus. I'm sorry. I always stick up for you. Whenever people say 'Aw, that Damone is a loudmouth' -- and they say that a lot -- I say 'You just don't know Damone.' When someone says you're an idiot, I tell them 'Damone's not an idiot. You just don't know him.' Well, you know, Damone, maybe they do know you pretty good. And I'm just finding out. +I always stick up for you. Whenever people say 'Aw, that Damone is a loudmouth' -- and they say that a lot -- I say 'You just don't know Damone.' When someone says you're an idiot, I tell them 'Damone's not an idiot. You just don't know him.' Well, you know, Damone, maybe they do know you pretty good. And I'm just finding out. Fine. Get lost. +You're losing it, Damone. You're crazy. Those girls love me. +The Attitude, Damone, is only good until you meet the right girl. Whatever you say, Rat. +And... you can only tell it's the right girl if you're sensitive. Sensitive -- what is that? +Sensitive -- what is that? Sensitive is when you can tell how people feel without asking. +Sensitive is when you can tell how people feel without asking. So what makes you so sensitive? +So what makes you so sensitive? Well, for one, I read. I don't watch as much television as you. I'm trying to feel things more. I'm learning a lot about people. +Well, for one, I read. I don't watch as much television as you. I'm trying to feel things more. I'm learning a lot about people. What do you read? What's the last book you read? +What do you read? What's the last book you read? Lust For Life. It's the story of Vincent Van Gough. +Lust For Life. It's the story of Vincent Van Gough. Yeah, well, I saw the movie. That must mean I'm sensitive too. +Yeah, well, I saw the movie. That must mean I'm sensitive too. It's a way, Damone. It's a vibe. I put it out, and I have personally found that girls do respond. +Are you Linda Barrett? Yes. +Yes. I'm Carrie Frazier from Toys 'R Us. Judy Hinton from May Company told me I could ask you something. +All right, what you want to do is go to the Free Clinic and tell the doctor that you have sex regularly -- several times a week -- and that you need Nornel One Plus Fifty's. And they don't call my parents? +And they don't call my parents? Not if you're over sixteen. +Not if you're over sixteen. Okay. Thanks a lot, Linda. +Okay. Thanks a lot, Linda. And don't let them talk you into a diaphragm either. +How've you been? Outrageous, Merv. Nice to be here. I feel great. +Outrageous, Merv. Nice to be here. I feel great. I was going to say... your eyes look a little red. +I was going to say... your eyes look a little red. I've been swimming, Merv. +Seriously, Merv, everything is great. I was thinking about picking up some hash this weekend, maybe going up to the mountains. I wanted to talk a little bit about school, if I could... +I wanted to talk a little bit about school, if I could... School. School is no problem. All you have to do is go to get the grades. And if you know something, all you have to do is go about half the time. +School. School is no problem. All you have to do is go to get the grades. And if you know something, all you have to do is go about half the time. How often do you go? +How often do you go? I don't go at all. +I hear you brought a film clip with you. Do you want to set it up for us? Well, it pretty much speaks for itself. Peter, you want to run with it? +Merv, this is the action down at Sunset Cliffs at about six in the morning. Fascinating. +Who's that? That's me, Merv. +Are you going to ride that wave? Totally. +What's going through your mind right here, Jeff? The danger of it all? Merv, I'm thinking... I've only got about four good hours of surfing left before these little clowns from junior high start showing up with their boogie boards. +Hey, slow down. This is my brother's car. I thought he was out of town. +I thought he was out of town. He is. +He is. Then don't hassle it. +Seen the new Playboy? Naw. Any good? +Naw. Any good? Suzanne Somers' tits. +Suzanne Somers' tits. All right. +All right. I like sex. +What the fuck is this guy doing? This ain't no cop. +It's a bunch of Jocks in a Granada! They're fuckin' with us. +My brother's car! All right. Die, Granada Jocks! +We just missed the turnoff to the party. You know the thing I love about Mustangs? The steering wheel. +My brother is going to kill us. He's gonna kill you and then he's gonna kill me. He's gonna kill us. Just be glad you're all right. +Just be glad you're all right. My brother is gonna shit. +My brother is gonna shit. Make up your mind. Is he gonna shit, or is he gonna kill us? +Make up your mind. Is he gonna shit, or is he gonna kill us? First he's gonna shit. And then he's gonna kill us. +First he's gonna shit. And then he's gonna kill us. Will you just relax, mon? He's not gonna kill us. My father is a television repairman. He's got all kinds of tools. I can fix-this car. +Will you just relax, mon? He's not gonna kill us. My father is a television repairman. He's got all kinds of tools. I can fix-this car. You can't fix this car, Spicoli. +That's him! He did it! Hey, mon, I don't know what your trip is, but... +How's it going. Do you think that guy's cute? +Don't you like him? Yeah, but I fucked up. You can take it. Really. +Yeah, but I fucked up. You can take it. Really. Come on, Stacy, it's your section and your man. +Come on, Stacy, it's your section and your man. What should I do? +What should I do? Just take his order, look him in the eye and if he says anything remotely funny, laugh a lot. +He gave me his card. 'Ron Johnson, Audio Consultant.' Should we buy a frame for that? +Should we buy a frame for that? Come on, Linda, I haven't had a boyfriend all summer. You promised when I started working at the mall that my life would change... Do you think he'll call this week? +Come on, Linda, I haven't had a boyfriend all summer. You promised when I started working at the mall that my life would change... Do you think he'll call this week? Listen, Stace, you want to know about guys? I'll tell you. They're mostly chicken. Before I met Doug I chased after every guy I thought was cute. I thought if I gave out a vibe they'd get the message and call me up. Well, guess what? They don't call. +Listen, Stace, you want to know about guys? I'll tell you. They're mostly chicken. Before I met Doug I chased after every guy I thought was cute. I thought if I gave out a vibe they'd get the message and call me up. Well, guess what? They don't call. So what did you do? +So what did you do? I called them. If I was sitting next to a guy and I wanted to sit closer, I'd sit closer. If I wanted to kiss him, I'd just do it. You want Ron Johnson? Grab him. +I called them. If I was sitting next to a guy and I wanted to sit closer, I'd sit closer. If I wanted to kiss him, I'd just do it. You want Ron Johnson? Grab him. I can't do that. +Face it. With some guys you have to make the first move. A lot of guys are just... wussies. Really? +Really? Stacy, what are you waiting for? You're fifteen. I did it when I was thirteen. It's no huge thing. It's just sex. If you don't, one of the other girls will. +Stacy, what are you waiting for? You're fifteen. I did it when I was thirteen. It's no huge thing. It's just sex. If you don't, one of the other girls will. He was hot, wasn't he? +He was hot, wasn't he? If I didn't have a fiancé in Chicago, I'd go for it. +I can't believe I start high school tomorrow. Believe it. +I hear some surfer pulled a knife on Mr. Hand this morning. No way! He just called him a dick. +No way! He just called him a dick. God. People exaggerate so much at this school. +Linda. That girl looks just like Pat Benatar. I know. +Do you think guys find that attractive? Oh, give me a break, Stacy. You're much prettier than them. +Yeah but they look more sophisticated. You'd probably think they'd be better in bed. What do you mean 'better in bed.' You either do it or you don't. +What do you mean 'better in bed.' You either do it or you don't. No there are variables that, like, I might not be good at. +No there are variables that, like, I might not be good at. What variables? +What variables? Like, you know, giving blow jobs. +Like, you know, giving blow jobs. What's the big deal? +What's the big deal? Well I never did it. +Well I never did it. There's nothing to it. +Just kidding. About 10cc. Oh! That's where that group got its name from. +Was it great? It was okay. +It was okay. You'll always remember your first time. +You'll always remember your first time. It was nice. +It was nice. So tell me, do you like Ron? Is it serious? +So tell me, do you like Ron? Is it serious? Come on, Linda. It's just sex. +Come on, Linda. It's just sex. Hey! That's my line! +There... There's his car. I know he's at work tonight. He hasn't come into Swenson's since he called my house. My mother told him I was still at high school, after I told him I was nineteen. I guess I should tell him I'm fifteen. Don't you dare, you'll never hear from him again. +Don't you dare, you'll never hear from him again. Does Doug care that you're seventeen? +Does Doug care that you're seventeen? Doug sees beyond that stuff to what the person inside is like. That's why I'm marrying him. +Doug sees beyond that stuff to what the person inside is like. That's why I'm marrying him. If he ever calls again I'll say I'm eighteen. +If he ever calls again I'll say I'm eighteen. Boy I am so glad to be through with all these games. +You've got to get used to working Christmas. People are always screaming and yelling... then they get home and they're all Christmasy. I think Christmas brings out the worst in people. +I think Christmas brings out the worst in people. I guess Ron hasn't called yet. +I guess Ron hasn't called yet. Not since November. +Don't you think it meant anything to him. Even if I am fifteen? Stacy. What does it matter? He's a stereo salesman. You want to marry him? You want to have kids with him? You want this guy to come home, fifty years old, and he's still got that little Pacific Stereo badge on? Come on. +I should quit this job. I'm going to get so fat working here... nobody will ever take me out. Stacy. How many times do I have to tell you? You are really going to be beautiful... someday. +Stacy. How many times do I have to tell you? You are really going to be beautiful... someday. Thanks a lot. +What do you think of that guy who works at the theatre? You know, Mark Ratner. Oh, come on. What is he? Fifteen? +Oh, come on. What is he? Fifteen? Sixteen. +I sent a letter to Doug today. I'll be so glad when he gets out here. You really ought to look at this, Linda. There's a drawing on every page... and all these quizzes. It's like school. +You really ought to look at this, Linda. There's a drawing on every page... and all these quizzes. It's like school. Why don't you put your mother's secret book back? +Listen to this... 'What are your mate's three most erogenous zones?' Okay, penis, that's one, balls... +Okay, penis, that's one, balls... Wouldn't penis and balls be the same category? +Wouldn't penis and balls be the same category? You're right. Probably penis, mouth and neck. +You're right. Probably penis, mouth and neck. All right! Here's another one. 'The most satisfactory lovemaking occurs when your mate climaxes first, you climax first, you and your mate climax together?' +All right! Here's another one. 'The most satisfactory lovemaking occurs when your mate climaxes first, you climax first, you and your mate climax together?' Climax together. +Climax together. Does that ever happen? +Does that ever happen? No. But it's a nice idea. +No. But it's a nice idea. Listen to this... it says 'Most women derive pleasure from sex, but they don't have real orgasms.' +How long does Doug take? I don't know. Thirty to forty minutes. +I don't know. Thirty to forty minutes. What's Doug do in Chicago? +What's Doug do in Chicago? He works for the airline. He'll be out here. You'll meet him. +What do you think? I think they're both virgins. +I didn't ask for any help. Did you, Linda? No. +God, he hardly even talks anymore. I know. He hates to have to wear uniforms. +Stacy! I've got water in my ears. Do you have any Q-Tips? God, I don't think so. Better look in the house. +God, Stacy, it's not that sad. It's just David Soul and Ricardo Montalban. I don't know, I'm just so depressed. Everything is just so... depressing. +You have been acting very strange the last few weeks. I don't know... I just don't feel right. +What do you think it is? What do you think it is? +What do you think it is? It couldn't be. +It couldn't be. It could be. I had a pregnancy test at the clinic. I'll find out Monday. I guess it was Damone. +It could be. I had a pregnancy test at the clinic. I'll find out Monday. I guess it was Damone. Of course it was Damone. If it was Ron Johnson, you'd be out to here! +Of course it was Damone. If it was Ron Johnson, you'd be out to here! I'm not going to tell him. He's an asshole. I hate him. +I'm not going to tell him. He's an asshole. I hate him. But it costs money to have an abortion. Even at the Free Clinic. You tell Damone to pay for it. It's the least he can do. It's the guy's responsibility too. +You know, there's one thing you didn't tell me about guys. What? +What? You didn't tell me that they can be so nice, so great... but then you sleep with them and they start acting like they're five years old. +You didn't tell me that they can be so nice, so great... but then you sleep with them and they start acting like they're five years old. You're right. I didn't tell you that. +I really thought he would show up. I waited... and waited... and waited... That little prick. +That little prick. Then I called his house, and his mother told me he was in the garage helping his father. +Then I called his house, and his mother told me he was in the garage helping his father. That little prick. +That little prick. I paid for it and everything. +I paid for it and everything. There goes your stereo for another year. Mike Damone is a no-brain little prick. I'm not letting him get away with this. +There goes your stereo for another year. Mike Damone is a no-brain little prick. I'm not letting him get away with this. Don't do anything, Linda. I'd rather just forget about it. I don't even like the guy. +Don't do anything, Linda. I'd rather just forget about it. I don't even like the guy. Stacy, he's not a guy. He's a little prick! +Another summer of working at Swenson's. Come on. There's lots of men around here. Keep your eyes open. +Come on. There's lots of men around here. Keep your eyes open. You know, Linda. I've finally figured it out. It's not sex I want. Anyone can have sex. +You know, Linda. I've finally figured it out. It's not sex I want. Anyone can have sex. What do you want? +What do you want? I want romance. +I want romance. Romance in Ridgemont? We don't even get cable TV. +Where's Doug? He's not coming. +He's not coming. Not coming? What happened? +Not coming? What happened? He says he's got to stay in Chicago. He says I should visit him sometimes. +He says he's got to stay in Chicago. He says I should visit him sometimes. Sometime? +Sometime? Yeah, like maybe never. +Yeah, like maybe never. But what are you going to do? +But what are you going to do? Well I might go to Dartmouth. +Well I might go to Dartmouth. Dartmouth?! +Dartmouth?! I didn't tell anyone I applied cause I never thought I'd make it. +I didn't tell anyone I applied cause I never thought I'd make it. I can't believe it! But what about Doug? +I can't believe it! But what about Doug? There's a world of guys out there. I just wish I didn't have to date any of them. +There's a world of guys out there. I just wish I didn't have to date any of them. Hey -- Doug Stallworth? It's his loss. +Yeah. I'm registered for this class. What class? +What class? This is U.S. History, right? I saw the globe in the window. +This is U.S. History, right? I saw the globe in the window. Really? +Can I come in? Oh, please. I get so lonely when that third attendance bell rings and I don't see all my kids here. +Mr. Spicoli? That's the name they gave me. +You just ripped my card in two! Yes. +Yes. Hey, bud. What's your problem? +Hey! Wait a minute! There's no birthday party for me here! Thank you, Desmond. What's the reason for your truancy? +Thank you, Desmond. What's the reason for your truancy? I couldn't make it in time. +I couldn't make it in time. You mean, you couldn't? Or you wouldn't? +You mean, you couldn't? Or you wouldn't? I don't know, mon. The food lines took forever. +I don't know, mon. The food lines took forever. Food will be eaten on your time! Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli? Why do you shamelessly waste my time like this? +Food will be eaten on your time! Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli? Why do you shamelessly waste my time like this? I don't know. +Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing? Learning about Cuba. Having some food. +Learning about Cuba. Having some food. Mr. Spicoli, you're on dangerous ground here. You're causing a major disturbance in my class and on my time. +Mr. Spicoli, you're on dangerous ground here. You're causing a major disturbance in my class and on my time. I've been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I'm here... and you're here... doesn't that make it our time? +You better save some for me, you swine! And you, my friend. I'll see you for a two-hour detention every afternoon this week. +Mr... Mr. Hand. That's right, Jeff. Mind if I come in? +Were you going somewhere tonight, Jeff? Yeah. The Graduation Dance Mr. Hand. It's the last school event of the year. +Yeah. The Graduation Dance Mr. Hand. It's the last school event of the year. I'm afraid we've got some things to discuss here, Jeff. +I'm afraid we've got some things to discuss here, Jeff. Did I do something wrong, Mr. Hand? +Do you want to sit there, Jeff? I don't know. I guess so. +I don't know. I guess so. Fine. You sit right here on your bed. I'll use the chair here. As I explained to your parents just a moment ago, and to you many times since the very beginning of the school year -- I don't like to spend my time waiting for late students, or detention cases. I'd rather be preparing the lesson. +Now, Mr. Spicoli, comes a rare moment for me. Now I have the unique pleasure of squaring our account. Tonight, you and I are going to talk in great detail about the Davis Agreement, all the associated treaties, and the American Revolution in particular. Now if you can just turn to Chapter 47 of Lord of Truth And Liberty. Hey, it's in my locker, Mr. Hand. +Hey, it's in my locker, Mr. Hand. Well, then, I'm glad I remembered to bring an extra copy just for you. +I think I've made my point with you tonight. Hey, Mr. Hand, can I ask you a question? +Hey, Mr. Hand, can I ask you a question? What's that? +What's that? Do you have a guy like me every year? A guy to... I don't know, make a show of. Teach other kids lessons and stuff? +Do you have a guy like me every year? A guy to... I don't know, make a show of. Teach other kids lessons and stuff? Well, you'll find out next year. +Well, you'll find out next year. No way, mon. When I graduate U.S. history I ain't even coming over to your side of the building. +No way, mon. When I graduate U.S. history I ain't even coming over to your side of the building. If you graduate. +If you graduate. You're gonna flunk me?! +Don't worry, Spicoli. You'll probably squeak by. All right! Oh, yeah! +Aloha, Mr. Hand! Aloha, Spicoli. +You look like you could still be in high school. I know, everyone says that. +What can I get for you tonight. How about your phone number? +Thanks for picking me up. No problem. +'The Cuer-vo Gold, the fi-ine Columbian.' You look nice tonight. Thanks. So do you. +Thanks. So do you. Where do you feel like going? +Where do you feel like going? I don't know. Wherever you want. +I don't know. Wherever you want. How about the point? +How about the point? The point sounds fine. +The point sounds fine. All right, the point it is. +That's a nice shirt. Thanks. Thanks a lot. +It's very warm out tonight. It is. It's very warm. I wonder how long it will last? +Are you really nineteen? Yes... I am really nineteen. +I think I better take you home. What about those other guys you live with? +What about those other guys you live with? No. I mean back to your home. +Is this your first time? Yes. +What do you do with the jackets people leave here? We keep them. +We keep them. You keep them. +You keep them. We keep them, in case the people come back. +What's your other question? My other question is... can-I-have your-phone-number-so-I-can-ask-you out-sometime? +Do you have a pen? This one's out of ink. Oh... yes. +Thanks for coming to get me. Sure thing. +This is a nice car. Yeah. It's my sister's. +Do you have Mrs. George for English? Yeah. She is pretty good. +Yeah. She is pretty good. Yeah. She is pretty good. +Joey at Cinema Four said this is a pretty good restaurant. I've heard that, too. +Do you know what you want? I think I'll have the Seafood Salad Special. +I think I'll have the Seafood Salad Special. Excellent. +Are you all right? Oh yeah. +Do you mind if I excuse myself for a moment? Not at all. +Sure. I'll... have another Coke. Two more Cokes. +I had a really nice time tonight. Me, too. I'm real sorry someone broke in and stole your tape deck. +I never thought it would happen at The Atlantis. Jeez. Do you want to come inside? +Do you want to come inside? Aren't your parents asleep? +Aren't your parents asleep? No, they're away for the weekend. Brad and I are watching the house. +No, they're away for the weekend. Brad and I are watching the house. Okay. Sure. I'll come in. +Where's your brother? I don't know. Probably out. Want something to drink? +I don't know. Probably out. Want something to drink? No. That's okay. +No. That's okay. Well, I'm going to change real quick. I hope you don't mind. +Well, I'm going to change real quick. I hope you don't mind. Naw. I don't mind. +So... pretty nice house you've got here. Thanks. So... What do you want to do? +I don't know. Do you want to see some pictures? I kept a lot of scrapbooks and pictures and stuff from junior high. How stupid, right? +Do you want to see some pictures? I kept a lot of scrapbooks and pictures and stuff from junior high. How stupid, right? Sure. +This is me in the eighth grade. Did you have Mr. Deegan? Oh, yeah. I had Mr. Deegan. +...I've got to go home. Do you really have to go? +Do you really have to go? Well... it's getting kind of late. +Where's Mike today? Today's April 16th. Damone never comes to school on April 16th. +Today's April 16th. Damone never comes to school on April 16th. What's April 16th? +What's April 16th? It's John Bonham's birthday. +It's John Bonham's birthday. John Bonham? +John Bonham? John Bonham. The drummer for Led Zeppelin. He died a couple years ago. Every birthday he stays home and plays everything John Bonham ever recorded. It's like his own holiday. +John Bonham. The drummer for Led Zeppelin. He died a couple years ago. Every birthday he stays home and plays everything John Bonham ever recorded. It's like his own holiday. Oh. I see. +I made a fool of myself. Nobody noticed. Don't worry about it. We'll just stay out here until everyone comes out, we'll blend back in. +Nobody noticed. Don't worry about it. We'll just stay out here until everyone comes out, we'll blend back in. What about the notes? +What about the notes? I'll get you the notes. +Hi, Mark. Hi, Stacy. How are you? +Hi, Stacy. How are you? I'm fine. Mark, I'm so glad you came over here because I want you to know something. I just thought I would tell you that I really enjoyed getting to know you this year. +Yeah? About fifty people I didn't know wrote that in my annual. I know everybody says it, but I really mean it. +Really? Yeah. I want you to have this picture, so you won't forget what I look like. And so you'll remember to call me over the summer. +Well, I don't know, I may be doing some traveling this summer. I don't know how much I'll be around... But I'll give you a call sometime. I'd like that. +Are you ready to order here? Well... sure. She will have the Seafood Salad Special. And I will have... the same. +Well... sure. She will have the Seafood Salad Special. And I will have... the same. Anything to drink? +Anything to drink? Two Cokes. +Two Cokes. Okay. Thanks. +Are you sure there's nothing else I can bring you? I'll have one more Coke... Do you want another Coke, Stacy? +Sir? This telegram came for you. Actually, it isn't for you. It's for somebody named Thompson, but it says 'care of Raoul Duke'. Does that make sense? Yes... It makes sense. +I checked the register for this man Thompson. We don't show him but I figured he might be part of your team. He is. Don't worry, I'll get it to him. +What confused us was Dr. Gonzo's signature on the telegram from Los Angeles. When we knew he was right here in the hotel. You did the right thing. Never try to understand a press message. About half the time we use codes -- especially with Dr. Gonzo. +You did the right thing. Never try to understand a press message. About half the time we use codes -- especially with Dr. Gonzo. Tell me. When will the doctor be awake? +Tell me. When will the doctor be awake? Awake? What do you mean? +Well... the manager, Mr. Heem, would like to meet him. Nothing unusual. Mr. Heem likes to meet all our large accounts... put them on a personal basis... just a chat and a handshake, you understand. Of course. But if I were you, I'd leave the Doctor alone until after he's eaten breakfast. He's a very crude man. +But he will be available? Perhaps later this morning? Look. That telegram was all scrambled. It was actually from Thompson, not to him. Western Union must have gotten the names reversed. I have to get going. I have to get out to the track. +Look. That telegram was all scrambled. It was actually from Thompson, not to him. Western Union must have gotten the names reversed. I have to get going. I have to get out to the track. There's no hurry! The race is over! +There's no hurry! The race is over! Not for me. +Let's have lunch! Righto! +Of course, I could hear what the Clerk was really saying... "Listen, you fuzzy little shithead -- I've been fucked around, in my time, by a fairly good cross-section of mean-tempered rule-crazy cops and now it's MY turn. ""Fuck you, officer, I'm in charge here, and I'm telling you we don't have room for you.""" +Certainly, Mr. Duke! My bags are out there in that white Cadillac convertible. Can you have someone drive it around to the room? +Oh, and could I get a quart of Wild Turkey, two fifths of Baccardi, and a night's worth of ice delivered to my room, please? Don't worry about a thing, sir. Just enjoy your stay. +Don't worry about a thing, sir. Just enjoy your stay. Well, thank you. +What's the message? My light is blinking. "Ah, yes. Mr. Duke? You have one message: ""Call Lucy at the Americana Hotel, room 1600.""" +"Ah, yes. Mr. Duke? You have one message: ""Call Lucy at the Americana Hotel, room 1600.""" Holy shit! +Mr. Duke? Hello, Mr. Duke, I'm sorry we were cut off a moment ago... I thought I should call again, because I was wondering... WHAT? What was that crazy bitch said to him? There's a war on, man! People are being killed! +WHAT? What was that crazy bitch said to him? There's a war on, man! People are being killed! Killed? +Killed? IN VIETNAM! ON THE GODDAMN TELEVISION! +IN VIETNAM! ON THE GODDAMN TELEVISION! Oh... yes... yes... This terrible war. When will it end? +Oh... yes... yes... This terrible war. When will it end? Tell me. What do you want? +The woman who left that message for you sounded very disturbed. I think she was crying... Crying? Why was she crying? +Crying? Why was she crying? Well, uh. She didn't say Mr. Duke. But since I know you're here with the Police Convention... +Well, uh. She didn't say Mr. Duke. But since I know you're here with the Police Convention... Look, you want to be gentle with that woman if she ever calls again. We're watching her very carefully... this woman has been into laudanum. It's a controlled experiment, but I suspect we'll need your cooperation before this thing is over. +Look, you want to be gentle with that woman if she ever calls again. We're watching her very carefully... this woman has been into laudanum. It's a controlled experiment, but I suspect we'll need your cooperation before this thing is over. Well, certainly... We're always happy to cooperate with the police... +Well, certainly... We're always happy to cooperate with the police... Don't worry. You're protected. Just treat this poor woman like you'd treat any other human being in trouble. +Don't worry. You're protected. Just treat this poor woman like you'd treat any other human being in trouble. What? Ah... yes, yes, I see what you mean... Yes... so, you'll be responsible then? +What? Ah... yes, yes, I see what you mean... Yes... so, you'll be responsible then? Of course. And now I have to get back to the news. Send up some ice. +Rum and ice, please. You're another one of these California boys. Your friend here's been tellin' us about dope fiends. +You're another one of these California boys. Your friend here's been tellin' us about dope fiends. They're everywhere. Nobody's safe. And sure as hell not in the South. They like warm weather... You'd never believe it. In L.A. it's out of control. First it was drugs, now it's witchcraft. +They're everywhere. Nobody's safe. And sure as hell not in the South. They like warm weather... You'd never believe it. In L.A. it's out of control. First it was drugs, now it's witchcraft. Witchcraft? Shit, you can't mean it! +Naw! That's science fiction stuff! Not where we operate. +Naked!? Naked. +Cut their goddamn heads off. Every one of them. That's what we're doing in California. WHAT? +Hell, no. We'd never hear the goddamn end of it. Dobermans don't talk. +Dobermans don't talk. What? +I'm a whiskey man myself. We don't have much trouble from drugs where I come from... You will. One of these nights you'll wake up and find a junkie tearing your bedroom apart. +You will. One of these nights you'll wake up and find a junkie tearing your bedroom apart. Naw! +Naw! They'll climb right into your bedroom and sit on your chest with big Bowie knives. They might even sit on your wife's chest. Put the blade right down on her throat. +They'll climb right into your bedroom and sit on your chest with big Bowie knives. They might even sit on your wife's chest. Put the blade right down on her throat. Not down in my parts. +What happened? What did they do to her? Do? Jesus Christ, man. They chopped her goddamn head off right there in the parking lot! Then they cut all kinds of holes in her head and sucked out the blood! +Do? Jesus Christ, man. They chopped her goddamn head off right there in the parking lot! Then they cut all kinds of holes in her head and sucked out the blood! And nobody did anything? +Yeh. The big guy used to be a major in the Marines. A major! +A major! We know where he lives, but we can't get near the house. +We know where he lives, but we can't get near the house. Naw! Not a major. +Naw! Not a major. He wanted the pineal gland. +He wanted the pineal gland. Really? +Really? That's how he got so big. When he quit the Marines he was just a little guy. +Hell, I really hate to hear this. Because everything that happens in California seems to get down our way, sooner or later. Mostly Atlanta. But that was back when the goddamn bastards were peaceful. All we had to do was to keep 'em under surveillance. They didn't roam around much... But now Jesus, it seems nobody's safe. You're going to need to take the bull by the horns -- go to the mat with this scum. +You're going to need to take the bull by the horns -- go to the mat with this scum. What do you mean by that? +What do you mean by that? You know what I mean. We've done it before and we can damn well do it again! +Where ya comin' from, young man? Las Vegas. +Las Vegas. A great town, that Vegas. I bet you had good luck there. You're the type. +A great town, that Vegas. I bet you had good luck there. You're the type. I know. I'm a triple Scorpio. +I know. I'm a triple Scorpio. That's a fine combination. You can't lose. +Oh, my God!... This is my granddaughter... +This is my granddaughter... Don't worry... ...and I'm actually the District Attorney from Ignoto County. Just another good American like yourself. +I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney! He's not just some dingbat I found on the Strip. He's a foreigner. I think he's probably Samoan. But it doesn't matter, does it? Are you prejudiced? Hell, no! +Hell, no! I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is extremely valuable to me. Hell, I forgot all about this beer. You want one? How about some ether? +I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is extremely valuable to me. Hell, I forgot all about this beer. You want one? How about some ether? What? +What? Never mind. Let's get right to the heart of this thing. Twenty-four hours ago we were sitting in the Pogo Lounge of the Beverly Wills Hotel... +Thanks for the ride. Thanks a lot. I like you guys. Don't worry about me. Wait a minute! Come back and have a beer! +"""One toke over the line, sweet Jesus.""" One toke. You poor fool. Wait till you see those goddamn bats. +We're your friends. We're not like the others. No more of that talk or I'll put the leeches on you. +If so -- well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere. Because it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency, and they'll run us down like dogs... Jesus! Did I say that? +Jesus! Did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me? +Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me? It's okay. He's admiring the shape of your skull. +God hell! I think I see the pattern! This one sounds like real trouble! You're going to need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over. As your attorney I must advise you that you'll need a very fast car with no top and after that, the cocaine. And then the tape recorder, for special music, and some Acapulco shirts... This blows my weekend, because naturally I'll have to go with you -- and we'll have to arm ourselves. Why not? If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing right. +I tell you, my man. This is the American Dream in action! We'd be fools not to ride this strange torpedo all the way to the end. Indeed. We must do it. What kind of story is this? +O.K., O.K., yes. Hang onto it. We'll be there in thirty minutes. I finally located a car with adequate horsepower and the proper coloring. What?! OF COURSE the gentleman has a major credit card! Do you realize who the fuck you're talking to? Don't take any guff from these swine. Now we need a sound store with the finest equipment. Nothing dinky. One of those new Belgian Heliowatts with a voice-activated shotgun mike, for picking up conversations in oncoming cars. +Don't take any guff from these swine. Now we need a sound store with the finest equipment. Nothing dinky. One of those new Belgian Heliowatts with a voice-activated shotgun mike, for picking up conversations in oncoming cars. We won't make the nut unless we have unlimited credit. +We won't make the nut unless we have unlimited credit. We will. You Samoans are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the white man's culture. +...and we're chock full of that! Damn right! +Damn right! My attorney understands this concept, despite his racial handicap. But do you?! +He said he understood, but I could see in his eyes that he didn't. He was lying to me. My heart! +Where's the medicine? The medicine? Yes, it's right here. +Turn up the fucking music! My heart feels like an alligator! Volume! Clarity! Bass! We must have bass! What's wrong with us? Are you goddamn old ladies? You scurvy shyster bastard! Watch your language! You're talking to a Doctor of Journalism! +You scurvy shyster bastard! Watch your language! You're talking to a Doctor of Journalism! What the fuck are we doing out here? Somebody call the police! We need help! +What the fuck are we doing out here? Somebody call the police! We need help! Pay no attention to this swine. He can't handle the medicine. +Pay no attention to this swine. He can't handle the medicine. The truth is we're going to Vegas to croak a scag baron named Savage Henry. I've known him for years but he ripped us off -- and you know what that means, right? +Savage Henry has cashed his check! We're going to rip his lungs out! And eat them! That bastard won't get away with this! What's going on in this country when a scum sucker like that can get away with sandbagging a Doctor of Journalism? +Oh, Jesus! Did you see what god just did to us? God didn't do that! You did it! You're a fucking narcotics agent, that was our cocaine, you pig! +God didn't do that! You did it! You're a fucking narcotics agent, that was our cocaine, you pig! You better be careful. Plenty of vultures out here. They'll pick your bones clean before morning. +You better be careful. Plenty of vultures out here. They'll pick your bones clean before morning. You whore! +How long do I have? Maybe thirty more minutes. As your attorney, I advise you to drive at top speed. It'll be a goddamn miracle if we can get there before you turn into a wild animal. Are you ready for that? Checking into a Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud and a head full of acid. +Maybe thirty more minutes. As your attorney, I advise you to drive at top speed. It'll be a goddamn miracle if we can get there before you turn into a wild animal. Are you ready for that? Checking into a Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud and a head full of acid. Thirty minutes. It was going to be very close. +Two Cuba Libres with beer and mescal on the side. Who's Lacerda, he's waiting for us in a room on the twelfth floor? Lacerda? +I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo. And somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things! It won't be long before they tear us to shreds! If you think we're in trouble now wait until you see what's happening in the elevators. +I just went upstairs to see this man Lacerda. I told him I knew what he was up to... He says he's a photographer! But when I mentioned Savage Henry he freaked! He knows we're onto him! But what about our room? And the golf shoes? +That's the press table. Where you have to sign in for our credentials. Shit, let's get it over with. You handle that, and I'll check on the room. No, no. Don't leave me! +Shoot it. Not yet. I want to study its habits. +What are you talking about? You bastard! They'll never let us back in that place. I leave you alone for three minutes and you start waving that goddamn marlin spike around -- yelling about reptiles! You scared the shit out of those people! They were ready to call the cops. Hell, the only reason they gave us press passes was to get you out of there... +That's good... I think he's lying to us. I could see it in his eyes. +I think he's lying to us. I could see it in his eyes. They'll probably have a big net for us when we show up. +Total control now. Tooling along the main drag on a Saturday night in Vegas, two good old boys in a fire apple red convertible... stoned, ripped, twisted... Good people! "How about ""Nickel Nick's Slot Arcade?"" ""Hot Slots,"" that sounds heavy. Twenty- nine cent hotdogs..." +"How about ""Nickel Nick's Slot Arcade?"" ""Hot Slots,"" that sounds heavy. Twenty- nine cent hotdogs..." Look, what are we doing here? Are we here to entertain ourselves, or to do the job? +Look, what are we doing here? Are we here to entertain ourselves, or to do the job? To do the job, of course. Here we go... a Crab Louie and quart of muscatel for twenty dollars! +Why? Why what? +Holy shit! They almost had us there! That was quick thinking. What do you expect? I'm your attorney. You owe me five bucks. I want it now. +Jesus creeping shit! Did the mescaline just kick in? Or was that Debbie Reynolds in a silver Afro wig?! +Did the mescaline just kick in? Or was that Debbie Reynolds in a silver Afro wig?! We wandered into a fucking time capsule! +This is the place. They'll never fuck with us here. Where's the ether? This mescaline isn't working. +Some angry Rotarian shoves you and you think: What's happening here? What's going on? Then you hear yourself mumbling. Dogs fucked the Pope, no fault of mine. Watch out!... Why money? My name is Brinks; I was born... Born? +Dogs fucked the Pope, no fault of mine. Watch out!... Why money? My name is Brinks; I was born... Born? Get sheep over side... women and children to armored car... orders from Captain Zeep. +I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I'm getting The Fear. Nonsense. We came here to find the American Dream, and now we're right in the vortex you want to quit. You must realize that we've found the Main Nerve. +Nonsense. We came here to find the American Dream, and now we're right in the vortex you want to quit. You must realize that we've found the Main Nerve. That's what gives me The Fear. +That's what gives me The Fear. Look over there. Two women fucking a Polar Bear. +Look over there. Two women fucking a Polar Bear. Please, don't tell me those things... Not now. This is my last drink. How much money can you lend me? +Please, don't tell me those things... Not now. This is my last drink. How much money can you lend me? Not much. Why? +Not much. Why? I have to go. +I have to go. GO? +GO? Yes. Leave the country. Tonight. +Yes. Leave the country. Tonight. Calm down. You'll be straight in a few hours. +Calm down. You'll be straight in a few hours. No. This is serious. One more hour in this town and I'll kill somebody! +No. This is serious. One more hour in this town and I'll kill somebody! OK. I'll lend you some money. Let's go outside and see how much we have left. +OK. I'll lend you some money. Let's go outside and see how much we have left. Can we make it? +Can we make it? That depends on how many people we fuck with between here and the door. +That depends on how many people we fuck with between here and the door. I want to leave fast. +I want to leave fast. OK. Lets pay this bill and get up very slowly. It's going to be a long walk. +OK. Lets pay this bill and get up very slowly. It's going to be a long walk. Do they pay you to screw that bear? +When does this thing stop? It won't stop. It's not ever going to stop. +Did you see that? Some sonofabitch kicked me in the back. Probably the bartender. He wanted to stomp you for what you said to the waitress. +Probably the bartender. He wanted to stomp you for what you said to the waitress. Good God! Let's get out of here! Where's the elevator? +Good God! Let's get out of here! Where's the elevator? Don't go near that elevator. That's just what they want us to do... trap us in a steel box and take us down to the basement. +Don't run. They'd like any excuse to shoot us. You drive! I think there's something wrong with me. +Yeah... I thought we might need it... What for? +Let's go up there and blast him out of bed with the fire hose. No, we should leave the poor bastard alone. I get the feeling that he's avoiding us for some reason. +No, we should leave the poor bastard alone. I get the feeling that he's avoiding us for some reason. Don't kid yourself. That Portuguese son of a bitch is dangerous. He's watching us like a hawk. +Don't kid yourself. That Portuguese son of a bitch is dangerous. He's watching us like a hawk. He told me he was turning in early... +That dirty bastard! I knew it! He's got hold of my woman! That little blonde groupie with the film crew? You think he sodomized her? +That little blonde groupie with the film crew? You think he sodomized her? That's right, laugh about it! You goddamn honkies are all the same! +Where'd you get that knife? Room service sent it up. I wanted something to cut the limes. +Room service sent it up. I wanted something to cut the limes. What limes? +What limes? They didn't have any. They don't grow in the desert. +Have you made a deal with him? Did you put him on to her? Look you better put that blade away and get your head straight. I have to put the car in the lot. +You evil son of a bitch. You better hope there's some Thorazine in that bag, because if there's not, you're in bad trouble. Music! Turn it up. Put that tape on. +Music! Turn it up. Put that tape on. What tape? +What tape? "Jefferson Airplane. ""White Rabbit."" I want a rising sound." +"Jefferson Airplane. ""White Rabbit."" I want a rising sound." You're doomed. I'm leaving here in two hours and then they're going to come up here and beat the mortal shit out of you with big saps. Right there in that tub. +You're doomed. I'm leaving here in two hours and then they're going to come up here and beat the mortal shit out of you with big saps. Right there in that tub. I dig my own graves. Green water and the White Rabbit. Put it on. +I dig my own graves. Green water and the White Rabbit. Put it on. OK. But do me one last favor, will you. Can you give me two hours? That's all I ask -- just two hours to sleep before tomorrow. I suspect it's going to be a very difficult day. +Of course, I'm your attorney, I'll give you all the time you need, at my normal rates: $45 an hour -- but you'll be wanting a cushion, so, why don't you just lay one of those $100 bills down there beside the radio, and fuck off? How about a check? +How about a check? Whatever's right. +I want that fucking radio! Don't touch it! Get back in that tub! +Don't touch it! Get back in that tub! Back the tape up. I need it again! Let it roll! Just as high as the fucker can go! And when it comes to that fantastic note where the rabbit bites its own head off, I want you to THROW THAT FUCKING RADIO INTO THE TUB WITH ME! +Not me. It would blast you through the wall -- stone dead in ten seconds and they'd make me explain it! BULLSHIT! Don't make me use this. +BULLSHIT! Don't make me use this. Jesus. +Jesus. Do it! I want to get HIGHER! +Fuck yes. I was beginning to think I was going to have to go out and get one of the goddamn maids to do it. Are you ready? +You bastard! You'd do that, wouldn't you? Why worry? You'll like it. Nothing in the world like a Mace high. Forty- five minutes on your knees with the dry heaves... +Why worry? You'll like it. Nothing in the world like a Mace high. Forty- five minutes on your knees with the dry heaves... You cheap honky sonofabitch... +You cheap honky sonofabitch... Why not? Hell, just a minute ago, you were asking me to kill you! And now you want to kill me! What I should do, goddamnit, is call the police! +Why not? Hell, just a minute ago, you were asking me to kill you! And now you want to kill me! What I should do, goddamnit, is call the police! The cops? +The cops? There's no choice. I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid and wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife! +There's no choice. I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid and wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife! Who said anything about slicing you up? I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead. Nothing serious. +You bastard! I need a lawyer immediately! What are you doing in Baker? Didn't you get my telegram? +What are you doing in Baker? Didn't you get my telegram? What? Fuck telegrams. I'm in trouble. You worthless bastard. I'll cripple your ass for this! All that shit in the car is yours! You understand that? When I finish testifying out here you'll be disbarred! +What? Fuck telegrams. I'm in trouble. You worthless bastard. I'll cripple your ass for this! All that shit in the car is yours! You understand that? When I finish testifying out here you'll be disbarred! You're supposed to be in Vegas. We have a suite at the Flamingo. I was just about to leave for the airport. +You degenerate pig! "It can't be helped. This is Lucy. You know -- like ""Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.""" +WELL? What are your plans? Plans? +Plans? Lucy. +Lucy. Shit. I met her on the plane and I had all that acid. You know, those little blue barrels. I gave her a cap before I realized... she's a religious freak... Jesus, she's never even had a drink. +Shit. I met her on the plane and I had all that acid. You know, those little blue barrels. I gave her a cap before I realized... she's a religious freak... Jesus, she's never even had a drink. Well... It'll probably work out. We can keep her loaded and peddle her ass at the drug convention. +Listen, she's running away from home for something like the fifth time in six months. It's terrible. She's perfect for this gig. These cops will go fifty bucks a head to beat her into submission and then gang fuck her. We can set her up in one of these back street motels, hang pictures of Jesus all over the room, then turn these pigs loose on her... Hell she's strong; she'll hold her own. +Jesus Christ. I knew you were sick but I never expected to hear you actually say that kind of stuff. It's straight economics. This girl is a god-send. Shit, she can make us a grand a day. +It's straight economics. This girl is a god-send. Shit, she can make us a grand a day. NO! Stop talking like that. +NO! Stop talking like that. I figure she can do about four at a time. Christ, if we keep her full of acid that's more like two grand a day. Maybe three. +I figure she can do about four at a time. Christ, if we keep her full of acid that's more like two grand a day. Maybe three. You filthy bastard. I should cave your fucking head in. +You filthy bastard. I should cave your fucking head in. In a few hours, she'll probably be sane enough to work herself into a towering Jesus-based rage at the hazy recollection of being seduced by some kind of cruel Samoan who fed her liquor and LSD, dragged her to a Vegas hotel room and savagely penetrated every orifice in her body with his throbbing, uncircumcised member. +NO! I felt sorry for the girl, I wanted to help her! You'll go straight to the gas chamber. And even if you manage to beat that, they'll send you back to Nevada for Rape and Consentual Sodomy. She's got to go. +The only alternative was to take her out to the desert and feed her remains to the lizards. But, it seemed a bit heavy for the thing we were trying to protect: My attorney. We have to cut her loose. She's got two hundred dollars. And we can always call the cops up there in Montana, where she lives, and turn her in. +We have to cut her loose. She's got two hundred dollars. And we can always call the cops up there in Montana, where she lives, and turn her in. What?... What kind of goddamn monster are you? +What?... What kind of goddamn monster are you? It just occurred to me, that she has no witnesses. Anything that she says about us is completely worthless. +It just occurred to me, that she has no witnesses. Anything that she says about us is completely worthless. Us? +Okay, Lucy, it's time to go meet Barbra... I felt like a Nazi, but it had to be done. +I gave the cabbie an extra ten bucks to make sure she gets there safe. Also, I told him I'd be there myself in an hour, and if she wasn't, I'd come back out here and rip his lungs out. That's good. You can't be subtle in this town. +That's good. You can't be subtle in this town. As your attorney, I advise you to tell me where you put the goddamn mescaline. +As your attorney, I advise you to tell me where you put the goddamn mescaline. Maybe we should take it easy tonight. +Maybe we should take it easy tonight. Right. Let's find a good seafood restaurant and eat some red salmon. I feel a powerful lust for red salmon... +I saw these bastards in Easy Rider, but I didn't believe they were real. Not like this. Not hundreds of them! They're actually nice people when you get to know them. +They're actually nice people when you get to know them. Man, I know these people in my goddamn blood! +Man, I know these people in my goddamn blood! Don't mention that word around here. You'll get them excited. +Don't mention that word around here. You'll get them excited. This is a fucking nightmare. +This is a fucking nightmare. Right. Sure as hell some dope-dealing bomb freak is going to recognize you and put the word out that you're partying with a thousand cops. +Read the newspapers. Man, you don't know trouble until you have to face down a bunch of these addicts gone crazy for human sacrifice! +Hell, in Malibu alone, these goddamn Satan worshippers kill six or eight people every day. All they want is the blood. They'll take people right off the street if they have to. Just the other day we had a case where they grabbed a girl right out of a McDonald's hamburger stand. She was a waitress, about sixteen years old... with a lot of people watching, too! +What could they do? The guy that took the head was about six-seven, and maybe three-hundred pounds. He was packing two Lugers, and the others had M-16s. They just ran back out into Death Valley -- you know, where Manson turned up... +They just ran back out into Death Valley -- you know, where Manson turned up... Like big lizards. +Like big lizards. ...and every one of them stacked naked... +Yeh, naked!... except for the weapons. They were all veterans. +What's wrong with you? Hell, somebody has to do it. Hurry up with those drinks. We're thirsty. Only two rums. Make mine a Bloody Mary. +Sure. It's all on the Q.T., but everybody who matters is with us all the way down the line. We keep it quiet. It's not the kind of thing you'd want to talk about upstairs. Not with the press around. +Sometimes it's easier to just rip out the backstraps. They'll fight like hell if you try to take the head without the dogs. +Good work. They'll treat us like goddamn lepers after that. Lucy is looking for you. +Lucy is looking for you. No, she's looking for you. +No, she's looking for you. Me? +Me? She really flipped over you. The only way I could get rid of her was by saying you were taking me out to the desert for a showdown -- that you wanted me out of the way so you could have her all to yourself. I guess she figures you won. That phone message wasn't for me, was it? +OK, goddamnit!... Look... I'll call her. I'll get her off our backs. You're right. She's my problem. It's gone too far. +It's gone too far. Relax. Let me handle this. You'd make a piss-poor lawyer... Room 1600, please. As your attorney, I advise you not to worry. Take a hit out of that little brown bottle in my shaving kit. +What is this? You won't need much. Just a little tiny taste, that stuff makes pure mescaline seem like ginger-beer. Adrenochrome. +Adrenochrome... Hi, Lucy? Yeah, it's me. I got your message... what? Hell, no, I taught the bastard a lesson he'll never forget... what? No, not dead, but he won't be bothering anybody for a while. Yeah. I left him out there, I stomped him, then pulled all his teeth out... +Hi, Lucy? Yeah, it's me. I got your message... what? Hell, no, I taught the bastard a lesson he'll never forget... what? No, not dead, but he won't be bothering anybody for a while. Yeah. I left him out there, I stomped him, then pulled all his teeth out... "I remember thinking, ""Jesus, what a terrible thing to lay on somebody with a head full of acid.""" +I remember slumping on the bed, his performance had given me a bad jolt. For a moment I thought his mind had snapped -- that he actually believed he was being attacked by invisible enemies. But the room was quiet again. Where'd you get this? +Where'd you get this? Never mind, it's absolutely pure. +Never mind, it's absolutely pure. Jesus... what kind of monster client have you picked up this time? There's only one source for this stuff -- the adrenaline gland from a living human body! +I know, but the guy didn't have any cash to pay me. He's one of these Satanism freaks. He offered me human blood -- said it would take me higher than I've ever been in my life. I thought he was kidding, so I told him I'd just as soon have an ounce or so of pure adrenochrome -- or maybe just a fresh adrenaline gland to chew on. I could already feel the stuff working on me -- the first wave felt like a combination of mescaline and methedrine -- maybe I should take a swim, I thought... +Why not? We should get some of that. Just eat a big handful and see what happens. Some of what? +Some of what? Extract of pineal! +Extract of pineal! Sure. That's a good idea. One whiff of that shit would turn you into something out of a goddamn medical encyclopedia. +Sure. That's a good idea. One whiff of that shit would turn you into something out of a goddamn medical encyclopedia. Man, your head would swell up like a watermelon, you'd probably gain about a hundred pounds in two hours... +Man, your head would swell up like a watermelon, you'd probably gain about a hundred pounds in two hours... Right! +Right! ...grow claws... bleeding warts. +...grow claws... bleeding warts. Yes! +Yes! ...then you'd notice about six huge hairy tits swelling up on your back... +Man I'll try about anything; but I'd never touch a pineal gland. FINISH THE FUCKING STORY! What happened?! What about the glands? +So do we, lady. I think we should put her on the payroll. See what she comes up with. +I think we should put her on the payroll. See what she comes up with. Do you think you can handle it? +Alright, Alice... you'll be contacted by Inspector Rock. Arthur Rock. He'll be posing as a politician. Inspector Rock will pay you. In cash. A thousand dollars on the ninth of every month. +Fuck the car. They should make these things with a goddamn FM radio. Yeh... This foreign made crap -- is sucking our dollar balance dry! +There was nothing in the atmosphere of the North Star to put me on my guard... Two glasses of ice water with ice. +I was stupid with shock -- not knowing whether to run or start laughing. How much is the lemon meringue pie? +How much is the lemon meringue pie? Her eyes were turgid with fear, but her brain was functioning on some basic motor survival level. +What are you doing? You were supposed to turn back there! We had abused every rule that Vegas lived by -- burning the locals, abusing the tourists, terrifying the help. The only chance now, I felt, was the possibility that we'd gone to such excess that nobody in the position to bring the hammer down on us could possibility believe it. +The airport is over there! Never missed a plane yet. +No! I can't get out! They'll crucify me. I'll have to take the blame! Ridiculous! Just say you were hitchhiking to the airport and I picked you up. You never saw me before. Shit, this town is full of white Cadillac convertibles. I plan to go through there so fast that nobody will even glimpse the goddamn license plate. You ready? +Ridiculous! Just say you were hitchhiking to the airport and I picked you up. You never saw me before. Shit, this town is full of white Cadillac convertibles. I plan to go through there so fast that nobody will even glimpse the goddamn license plate. You ready? Why not? But for Christ's sake, just do it fast! +Don't take any guff from those swine. Remember, if you have any trouble you can always send a telegram to the Right People. Yeah... Explaining my Position. Some asshole wrote a poem about that once... +Please... please... I'm only the maid. I didn't mean nothin!... YOU'RE UNDER ARREST! +What made you do it? Who paid you off? Nobody. I'm the maid! +The dope ring. You must know what's going on in this hotel. Why do you think we're here? I know you're cops, but I thought you were just here for that convention. I swear! All I wanted to do was clean up the room. I don't know anything about dope! +Maybe she's telling the truth. Maybe she's not part of it. No! I swear I'm not! +You'd pay me for that? You're damn right. But the first time you say anything about this, to anybody -- you'll go straight to prison for the rest of your life. What's your name? +You're damn right. But the first time you say anything about this, to anybody -- you'll go straight to prison for the rest of your life. What's your name? Alice. Just ring Linen Service and ask for Alice. +"The password is: ""One Hand Washes The Other."" The minute you hear that, you say ""I fear nothing.""" I fear nothing. +May I see your license. Of course, officer. +Could I have that, please? Why not? It was getting warm anyway. +You realize... Yeah. I know. I'm guilty. I understand that. I knew it was a crime but I did it anyway. Shit, why argue? I'm a fucking criminal. +Yeah. I know. I'm guilty. I understand that. I knew it was a crime but I did it anyway. Shit, why argue? I'm a fucking criminal. That's a strange attitude. +You know -- I get the feeling you could use a nap. There's a rest area up ahead. Why don't you pull over and sleep a few hours? A nap won't help. I've been awake for too long -- three or four nights. I can't even remember. If I go to sleep now, I'm dead for twenty hours. +Okay. Here's how it is. What goes into my book, as of noon, is that I apprehended you... for driving too fast, and advised you to proceed no further than the next rest area... your stated destination, right? Where you plan to take a long nap. Do I make myself clear? How far is Baker? I was hoping to stop there for lunch. +How far is Baker? I was hoping to stop there for lunch. Not my jurisdiction. The city limits are two point two miles beyond the rest area. Can you make it that far? +Not my jurisdiction. The city limits are two point two miles beyond the rest area. Can you make it that far? I'll try. I've been wanting to go to Baker for a long time. I've heard a lot about it. +You're lying! You were after the evidence. Who put you up to this -- the manager? I don't know what you're talking about! +I don't know what you're talking about! Bullshit! You're just as much a part of it as they are! +Bullshit! You're just as much a part of it as they are! Part of what? +Come on, baby don't try to tell us you never heard of the Grange Gorman. No! No! I swear to Jesus I never heard of that stuff! +In that case, maybe she can help. Yes! I'll help you all you need! I hate dope! +What? One phone call every day. Just tell us what you've seen. Don't worry if it doesn't add up, that's our problem. +Oh Lord! I'd do just about anything for that! You and a lot of other people. +Oh, and don't bother to make up the room. That way we won't have to risk another of these little incidents, will we? Whatever you say, gentlemen. I can't tell you how sorry I am about what happened... +Whatever you say, gentlemen. I can't tell you how sorry I am about what happened... Don't worry, it's all over now. Thank God for the decent people. +It serves you right. You cheatin' jerk. Spare me. +Spare me. I figure it's karma. You wronged me and you wronged your wife and you wronged your children, so this is karma biting you on the ass, or in your case... ...on the eye. +Stop! What the fuck are you doing he's in there! +What the fuck are you doing he's in there! They can't get in here! You said it yourself, they'll get in! +YOU'RE KILLING HIM! They'll get in! We'll all die! +You can't keep me here. This is bullshit. Fuckin' bullshit. This is fucking BULLSHIT! We can't risk letting them in. +We can't risk letting them in. Right. +Careful. I'm telling you, I don't see a thing -- +I will not die because of him! Don't be stupid, drop the gun! +We should go! We should go right now! He's right, let's move. Be quiet and get to the exit. Pair up, grab the weapons. +Are you two all right? Did you see that!? They left! We made it! I think we made it! They'll be back. +They'll be back. Oh, come on! Can't you be happy for one split second? They're gone! +You know where it is? Um, yeah, thirty miles east. +We'll meet in three hours? I don't wanna go home alone... I don't wanna see what might have... +Where are you two going? We're going to get my little girl. +Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Where is everyone? +Where is everyone? I don't know, I just got here. Did you find your girl? +IS IT CLEAR?! Yeah. +Yeah. IS THERE A GUN POINTING AT YOU? +IS THERE A GUN POINTING AT YOU? Nah, I got the gun. +My god damn foot is gone! Who fuckin' shot me? Who fuckin' shot me!? Her fella. +Well, it don't look pretty. But it's got teeth. +I got my .38 here. That's six shots and two refills. Downstairs, I think we got another rifle, maybe a scatterer and some gardening tools. Maybe a couple boxes of shells for The Judge. I got shells too, box and a half, tops. +I don't think you should... With what just happened upstairs -- +One keg of Beast for the basement, then, truck's dry. Gonna stay for a couple? +I have a CB in my truck, we could get some help out here. Who the hell would you call? +Who the hell would you call? Anyone. +Stop it. Hey. You noticed that no one's been killed or maimed for awhile? +We shot a skunk. We're lucky to be alive. +Hey! Get quiet or get out. C'mon guys-- +I think I know where a CB is. Where's that? +Where's that? Upstairs. +Okay, now. Easy steps. Easy breaths. Easy steps. Come on, come on. +Oh! """OH!?"" WHAT IS ""OH?"" What does ""oh"" mean?" +Wha? OPEN THE DOOR! +You got something better? If we move in a group, we are one target. If we scatter, they CAN'T get us all. +We'll be food, dickheads! "Well, your last words can be ""I told you so.""" +"Well, your last words can be ""I told you so.""" You gotta be with me on this. +That's the oldest of the bunch, looked like the Grandpapa. We caught the little one, Junior, in the cooler there. As we've seen, what he lacks in size he more than makes up for in speed. And the rest of 'em? +And the rest of 'em? Unfortunately, the worst of 'em are still outside. +And that's how I ended up here. And the head? +So, your husband ditched you? No, no, no it was... it was wild out there, no time to think, we just moved. He didn't leave me. He just ran. He just ran. +No, no, no it was... it was wild out there, no time to think, we just moved. He didn't leave me. He just ran. He just ran. Well, justice is funny. +They're right here. Hey! +Jesus Christ, I'm gonna have a stroke. Easy. +Don't bullshit me! If you know a way out of this place and you're holding out -- There's a tunnel. +What tunnel? Where? It's in the basement, about a hundred yards long. It spits out on the backside of that hill down the way. There's a truck there. +It's in the basement, about a hundred yards long. It spits out on the backside of that hill down the way. There's a truck there. What's it for? +HEY! No, I'm not trusting him either, that's why you and I will both be going with him. What!? I'm not going down there again! +What!? I'm not going down there again! This is it! This is our only way out! They have this place surrounded. We go out the front, we're dead. We go out the back, we're dead, but if we go UNDER them... we might just make it. Now, who else is in? Seven can go. +This is it! This is our only way out! They have this place surrounded. We go out the front, we're dead. We go out the back, we're dead, but if we go UNDER them... we might just make it. Now, who else is in? Seven can go. This is a bottleneck waiting to happen. +You all sure about this? Follow me. +Where's the tunnel? In the corner, behind the curtain. +We just smeared a skunk. Shit! +I'm gonna shoot him if they don't get him first. Just move! +You seem mighty collected about this. Buddy, I'm a full-blooded Chucktow. I can't think of a time my people haven't been takin' it dry. The fact that we are being eaten now, doesn't even faze me... ...this is just another Tuesday. +You're trusting that guy? He'll ditch us and never look back. Fuck you too. +Fuck you too. Get in line! +Scared? No. You? +No. You? Of course not. I fight monsters all the time. +I'd love to be macho, but this is a pants wetter from all angles. The door... on three. +Ohhh. What? +What? Look. +That's an unwise thing to say, you know that? Just an observation. +Just an observation. Well, why don't you keep your observations to yourself? +So, what now? Did those things leave? Why don't you go check it out? +Why don't you go check it out? Fuck no. +Any more ideas Animal Planet? You weren't helpin'. +You weren't helpin'. Go douche. +I'm telling ya, you got the cloth too deep, you're asking for it. Oh yeah? +Do you drive a short beer bus or something? You go out there you get eaten, you stay in here you get eaten, anyone comes to help they get eaten. Don't you see a pattern here, Spuds Makenzie? Well then I guess we should just give up. +Well then I guess we should just give up. Believe me, I'd love to save the day and get some heroic snatch. But it's not in the cards, partner. +We're better off. Who's with me? +Come on! He's dead. +What now, Geronimo? My truck. +Why do you take shit from him? Look, yeah, he's an ass, but he's my brother. Que sera-sera. +Look, yeah, he's an ass, but he's my brother. Que sera-sera. Your brother, huh? +Your brother, huh? Yep. +Yep. Your parents of relation? +Your parents of relation? We lived near power lines. +I'm in. Anyone else? +We're going to get help. We gotta try. +We gotta try. Anybody else? +We gotta be close. What? +All right! Tell us about the truck! Uh, uh, I think if we can get everyone into it... we can get out of here. +My truck can't be more than ten feet away. We load into the back, I can get in the front and we roll out of here. What's in the back? +What's in the back? Nothing, this was my last delivery. +Yeah, the lot's right there. My truck is right out back. But not flush against the tunnel? +It's imperative that you get that truck moving. Just cover me. It was built to move. +How are you holding up? Well... +Push and twist, it's child proof. Oh. +Oh. Gimme a couple dabs on the tongue. +What is this? Magic potion. You should try a little. +Magic potion. You should try a little. Oh, no. +Oh, no. It'll calm your nerves. Works like a charm. +It'll calm your nerves. Works like a charm. Really? +Really? Uh huh. Just put a dab on your tongue. +Uh huh. Just put a dab on your tongue. Will I go crazy or something? +Will I go crazy or something? No, no, it calms you, makes everything nice and smooth. Just takes the edge off like a beer, but in a fraction of the time. +No, no, it calms you, makes everything nice and smooth. Just takes the edge off like a beer, but in a fraction of the time. Why not then? +Wait, before you do that, help me to the kitchen, I need to lay down. There's a cot back there. But -- +But -- It's much safer in there, sweety. +It's much safer in there, sweety. Okay then. +Doesn't your foot hurt? I can't feel a thing, Hon. +Um-hmmm. The girl's got rhythm. +You wanna see, baby? Sure. +Sure. How much you got? +How much you got? How much I got, what? +How much you got to see the show? You don't understand sweety, Daddy doesn't pay, Daddy sees the show for free. But you do get points for being horny on a night like this. +What? Really? Uh huh, now wiggle that sweet little ass over here and sit on Daddy's face, I wanna do some appraising. +My husband... Well, where's the sonuvabitch!? +Well, where's the sonuvabitch!? He's dead. +He's dead. What? +Jesus Christ on the cross... Someone make sense. Easy. We're surrounded by something the likes none of you have ever seen before. Some kind of animals. Real fast, volatile, predators. ONE went through three of your patrons like they were Kleenex. +Easy. We're surrounded by something the likes none of you have ever seen before. Some kind of animals. Real fast, volatile, predators. ONE went through three of your patrons like they were Kleenex. So, your dead hubby shot me twice, three of my customers have been eaten, and there are angry creatures outside? +So, your dead hubby shot me twice, three of my customers have been eaten, and there are angry creatures outside? He only shot you once. +He only shot you once. Huh? +Huh? He shot you the other time. +Will these boards hold? The boards are solid oak planks, and the floor is reinforced by a steel grid beneath. Nothing real or supernatural is busting through this, least nothing the size of the beasts. +The boards are solid oak planks, and the floor is reinforced by a steel grid beneath. Nothing real or supernatural is busting through this, least nothing the size of the beasts. Good. +In the kitchen, under the sink. No one goes anywhere alone. Least of all, unarmed. +Go for it. It's by the far wall. A small wave band. Channel 9 is the emergency frequency. But I don't see the point. You're wasting your time, there's no one out there. +What? What? +What? What do you mean what? +What do you mean what? Huh? +Huh? What's going on between you two? +What's going on between you two? Nothing. +What's it for!? Grass. I grow some pot down there. It's no big deal, just something I dabble in. The truck's for a quick get away, deliveries, whatever. +Grass. I grow some pot down there. It's no big deal, just something I dabble in. The truck's for a quick get away, deliveries, whatever. Is it gassed up? +Is it gassed up? Fully. +Fully. Four door? +Four door? Two. +Two. Open? +Open? Covered. +Covered. How many? +How many? Holds four. +Holds four. Max? +Max? Seven. +Seven. Nine? +Nine? Seven. +Seven. Keys. +Keys. What!? So you can just get the hell outta here and forget about all of us!? No way! That's my god damn truck! +What!? So you can just get the hell outta here and forget about all of us!? No way! That's my god damn truck! Let me make this clear; if we stay, we die! +Let me make this clear; if we stay, we die! I don't trust you. No way! I pick who goes! And I'm holding you responsible. +What's that!? Wha'cha say? Huh? Get outta here. +This one will just stun ya, but this one will put ya to sleep. Whoa! +You young'uns worry about weapons, I'm thinkin' bout strategy. Oh? And what's that? +Oh? And what's that? Sit still, look less like a meal. +Sit still, look less like a meal. I think that's for bears and sharks, chunky chew. +I wouldn't do that, son. They're probably on to the next buffet by now. There's a retirement home up the road. They'd be easy. +I'll go with ya. What are you gonna do? Throw your teeth at 'em? Sit down, Cocoon. +Welcome back. F-f-fuck you. +They were all over the place. You smell like ass! +Look, the armed surround the unarmed in a circle and we move as a tight group. Those that can shoot, protect the rest to his ride. Hey, when this plan completely goes to shit, what are ya gonna do? +Bullshit. No bullshit. +Clever fuckers. What the hell's going on here!? +Blow the goddamn hatch! Clear! +Got 'cha! HOLD THAT TIGHT! +'Eh, Chief? Duh hickey. +Fine, Chief. Gimme the keys. +Gimme the keys. NO, but I will lock you in. +NO, but I will lock you in. What? +What? We'll be on the other side waiting for you. If you become food I don't want the only set of keys in the belly of one of those things. It's your funeral. +You are taking a chance that is not worth the risk. Well, we are one miracle short tonight. So, just guard the stairs? +Well, we are one miracle short tonight. So, just guard the stairs? Done. But you're locked in. Will you hold the keys? +What?! Move slow and move quiet. +Move slow and move quiet. No shit. +Move it! You keep that key handy. +Shit! I'm fine! I'm fine! +JUST A BAT! I'M FINE! JUST A BAT! SORRY! If he doesn't shut up... +Hurry! REPEAT. WE NEED HELP. SOS. CALLING ALL CARS! WE NEED HELP AT THE UNITED NATIONS TAV--! +SHIT. MOVE YOUR ASS! +COME ON! HELLLLLLLLP!! +Yeah, maybe. Get something on that. +Where the hell are we going to go then, Billy Jack!? There's a bomb shelter over in Durant, by the IGA, on First. You all know where that is? +You don't want the rag to touch the booze, that way you can hold it awhile and ensure it explodes when you throw it. You sure? I thought the rag had to touch? +You sure? I thought the rag had to touch? I'm sure. +HELP MEEE! BONSAI! +I'm in a wheelchair, the truck sounds pretty good. Amazing you made it this far. +Nothin' will happen to you. You get on my back, hold on tight and we truck out of here together. Am I too heavy for you? +Am I too heavy for you? Don't worry, you'll be like my little papoose. +OH JESUS! HELLLPPP! +Well, maybe they migrate? As long as it's dark, they're around. They hide, wait for you to drop your guard, and then attack. +Hey! Everyone take a role. Let's prepare the guns, ammo and whatever else we can scare up. We also need to help the hurt so we can move them on our ultimate exit outta here. So, who's going into the basement with me? +Okay, well... anybody else have an idea? Is there any other way out of this place? ANYONE? +Yeah, I'll go. Ok. Let's see what happens. +Let's move. I'm done drinking. That's it. Just Church and grocery stores. Nothin' else. +Do we have anything else to defend ourselves with? Anything? Right. Were going to need some fire power. Do you have any sort of guns or ammunition here? Anything at all? +What's wrong? Nothing, just lookin'. +Let's go. She's not very nice, is she? +DON'T! YOU'LL HIT US! +Let's wait it out. They'll tear this place down within the hour. +If you are face to face with her, dive left. And the last one is the... +And the last one is the... Father. The biggest, the strongest... +Okay, well that's something. So we've got guns, kitchen knives, pipes, fire and sticks. +There's a rifle and a shotgun here. That's fine. +Hold it! Whoa! +Let's go! Wait God-dammit! +If there is only one way out for us, there is only one way in for them. Make a distraction out front and go for it out the back. There's cars back there, right? +Go! Go! Not without you!!! +Not without you!!! Go!!! +Get to your cars! GO-GO-GO!! +Oh my God... What is that? That's one piece of four problems. +Cody! Cody are you all right? Mommy's coming! Mommy's coming, baby! Don't move! Mommy's coming! Stop her! +Oh sweetheart! What was I thinking? Mommy is never gonna let you go. Oh Jesus... Never, ever, never let you go. Let's lock off this room. +Shut up! Shut your mouth. You have no idea what is running through me right now. No idea. I'm ready. All right. +You know you don't have to do this. I'm fine, I really am. +I'm fine, I really am. I admire your strength. +I admire your strength. We all have to be strong, right? +We all have to be strong, right? Right. +Her name is Charlie. Oh... +Oh... She's still alive, I hope. I wouldn't have made it this far if it weren't for the chance of seeing my little girl again. I need to get to her. +She's still alive, I hope. I wouldn't have made it this far if it weren't for the chance of seeing my little girl again. I need to get to her. I'll do anything to help. +I'll do anything to help. I know. Thanks. Just don't tell anyone I have a soft side. +I know. Thanks. Just don't tell anyone I have a soft side. Deal. +We should stick together out there. I'd love to. +Did we make it? I think -- +Hey little bear, aren't you going to join the others? Um, my allergist told me not to engage in physically demanding activities where ragweed or spores might be present, sir. +Do you have a note to corroborate these claims? Um, well... +Um, well... Are you lying to me? +Are you lying to me? Well... +Well... What did we say about lying? +What did we say about lying? I'm not lying. +I'm not lying. You know that no one likes a liar, right? +You know that no one likes a liar, right? I said I'm not lying. +What have you done now, broke the darn thing? I just hit it like you said. +Well... come on. This is a mistake. No. This is a disaster. +This is a mistake. No. This is a disaster. Come on, it's just what you need! Let everyone see you. Talk to them, live it up! +Come on, it's just what you need! Let everyone see you. Talk to them, live it up! But we've been at it since six this morning. At least you could've let me go home and change. +But we've been at it since six this morning. At least you could've let me go home and change. Look, Frances, I didn't want this job. Think I'm crazy? But you begged me: improve your image. So please... lemme try, huh? +Look, Frances, I didn't want this job. Think I'm crazy? But you begged me: improve your image. So please... lemme try, huh? You're right. I'm sorry. Okay, let's go get 'em. +You're right. I'm sorry. Okay, let's go get 'em. Here, take a few of these. Studio makes 'em in the basement. They keep the fat off. +Here, take a few of these. Studio makes 'em in the basement. They keep the fat off. So not only am I a troublesome bitch, but I'm fat too? +So not only am I a troublesome bitch, but I'm fat too? Come on. They make you feel nice and peppy. +Frances? Oh no. Refill my drink, will you, Bob? +Refill my drink, will you, Bob? What're you doing? +What're you doing? Putting on my armor. +Putting on my armor. Come on, Frances. Louella Parsons is here. She wants to talk to you, help you out. +Come on, Frances. Louella Parsons is here. She wants to talk to you, help you out. Louella... didn't she call me a spoiled little bitch? +Louella... didn't she call me a spoiled little bitch? Come on, she's an important columnist! What's the matter? I thought you wanted these people to forgive you. +Come on, she's an important columnist! What's the matter? I thought you wanted these people to forgive you. 'Forgive'...? For What? +'Forgive'...? For What? I'm sorry... that was an unfortunate choice of words. +And on top of her political activities, now she's got a lawyer. She wants out of her contract, Mr. Bebe. She says she's through with motion pictures. I'm sure it wasn't me, it wasn't me... +I'm sure it wasn't me, it wasn't me... Excuse me, sir? +Excuse me, sir? I don't know who she fucked to get where she is, but I don't think it was me. +Well... you could always dump her, Mr. Bebe. Teach her a lesson. There are a million beautiful girls out there who don't give a damn about politics. That's not the point. Frances Farmer has the world by the tit because of this studio, and now she thinks she can waltz off without a thank you. No. No, that young lady has a contract, and she's going to honor it. +That's not the point. Frances Farmer has the world by the tit because of this studio, and now she thinks she can waltz off without a thank you. No. No, that young lady has a contract, and she's going to honor it. Oh. I mean, good. +Oh. I mean, good. I think it's time to take the gloves off. Get me some reporters. Particularly Louella Parsons! +Good morning, Mr. Bebe! Who's this? +Who's this? Frances Farmer, contract player, six- month option. +Frances Farmer, contract player, six- month option. Okay. Good tits. Can't we show them off a little more? +Okay. Good tits. Can't we show them off a little more? I guess so, sir. +I guess so, sir. Very fine bone structure. +That's Frances. I'm not the cookbook. You see: We've got to change that name. +I like your looks. You have the classical bone structure of the very great beauties... Garbo, Dietrich -- Thank you -- +Thank you -- I intend to make a great deal of money off you. +"Since we have you on a seven year contract, I'm planning long-range. I'm going to loan you out to Sam Goldwyn to make a picture called ""Come and Get It.""" Really? That's a very good book. It'd make a terrific -- +Really? That's a very good book. It'd make a terrific -- Never mind that. I'm concerned about you. Your attitude. +Society is falling apart, Miss Farmer, and people have to buckle down, do their jobs. You see, I view myself as the Henry Ford of motion picture industry, and I can't have the fellow who puts on the wheels arguing with the man who installs head-lights, now can I? But I'm concerned with everything, Mr. Bebe. +But I'm concerned with everything, Mr. Bebe. No, I'm concerned with everything. +No, I'm concerned with everything. But I'm the one up there on the screen. +But I'm the one up there on the screen. That's right. You're an actress, Miss Farmer and your job is to act. +Look, Mr. Bebe, you can hold me to my contract, but you can't break me. I'm back, and I'm gonna make the best of it. I'd like nothing better. +Hi Frances, got a minute? Sure, Claire. If you don't mind walking my way. +Well, I suppose I should just say it. It's your clothes. My clothes? +My clothes? Yeah, I mean slacks... and work clothes... and that awful car -- +Yeah, I mean slacks... and work clothes... and that awful car -- It's a perfectly good car. It runs. +It's a perfectly good car. It runs. Yes, but... Really, I hate to sound... it's just that the public expects something different from its stars. People won't take you seriously. +Yes, but... Really, I hate to sound... it's just that the public expects something different from its stars. People won't take you seriously. I don't care if my clothes are taken seriously. Or my car. +I don't care if my clothes are taken seriously. Or my car. You know what I mean. +You know what I mean. Uh-huh. You mean what if the public finds out I perspire? And wear slacks. And drive an old jalopy? What if they find out I'm a real person. Oh no! Say it ain't so! Not a real person! +That's not all, Frances. Mr. Bebe is very concerned about your politics. He hears you've been donating money, speaking at rallies. Yup. Claire... please, please tell Mr. Bebe that if he worried half as much about his scripts as he does about my private life, we'd make a lot better movies. +Yup. Claire... please, please tell Mr. Bebe that if he worried half as much about his scripts as he does about my private life, we'd make a lot better movies. I'm sorry, Frances. It's my job, you know? +I'm sorry, Frances. It's my job, you know? I know. 'This is a factory and we each have our jobs. The writer writes, the director directs, and the actress...' +I know. 'This is a factory and we each have our jobs. The writer writes, the director directs, and the actress...' ...acts. I'll relay your message. +Face it! Confess it! You're weak! I'm not! +I'm not! You're afraid! +You're afraid! I'm not! +I'm not! You don't want to show your whole soul -- ugly, mis-shapen, and pitiful -- you don't want to show it -- +You don't want to show your whole soul -- ugly, mis-shapen, and pitiful -- you don't want to show it -- God damn it, Clifford, will you shut up! I tell you, I want to give these things! I want to give them to the audience, and I can give them, I will give them, so shut up! +Good, good. Give them that. What? +Madam...? Thank you. +Oh my God! Frances, I'm such a cad. I can't go through with this. My wife is in Europe, but this is her house... her bedroom. I can't ask you to... Oh well. I guess I better leave then. +Okay, but come here first. Huh. +Huh. Come here. I want to show you something. +The Group is more than a theatre company. It's the embodiment of an ideal. Our approach allows the actor to be an artist in the fullest sense, a creative individual and an instrument of change. You see -- Really, Mr. Clurman, you don't have to sell me. +Really, Mr. Clurman, you don't have to sell me. Forgive my indulgence. Seems we always lecture those who are on time for those who are tardy. The point is, Mr. Odets here has written a wonderful play. Most of the roles are cast, but we haven't found our female lead... +Forgive my indulgence. Seems we always lecture those who are on time for those who are tardy. The point is, Mr. Odets here has written a wonderful play. Most of the roles are cast, but we haven't found our female lead... Who is she? +...Not only an artist, but an instrument of change. We must look to the world around us, not content to observe, but to take an active hand in redressing its wrongs. We will not stand idly by as Fascist bombs obliterate democracy. We contribute our profits, for if fascism is not stopped in Spain, it will spread across Europe, jeopardizing the struggle of civilized man to survive. The artist, to be vital, must be a soldier too. I'm not afraid of struggle, Clifford. +Hello, Harold. Frances. +Frances. Where's Clifford? +Where's Clifford? He's not here. +He's not here. Oh. +What's up? I hear you're meeting with the studio lawyers to get out of your contract. +I hear you're meeting with the studio lawyers to get out of your contract. That's right. I don't want them breathing down my neck while we're in London. +That's right. I don't want them breathing down my neck while we're in London. Well... well, you see, that's the point. You won't be opening in London. +You don't think I'm good enough? What?! Good Lord no, it's just... It's money. We needed backing and... well, we found it. +What?! Good Lord no, it's just... It's money. We needed backing and... well, we found it. Who? +Who? An actress. +An actress. A rich actress. +A rich actress. Yes. That's the deal. She plays Lorna. +Yes. That's the deal. She plays Lorna. But... but wait a minute. We're supposed to be different, right? Clifford says... This theatre is supposed to be different! And this play... this play is all about what greed and money do to people! +But... but wait a minute. We're supposed to be different, right? Clifford says... This theatre is supposed to be different! And this play... this play is all about what greed and money do to people! I know, but -- +I know, but -- What does Clifford say? +What does Clifford say? Right now we have to be practical. +Right now we have to be practical. Does Clifford even know? You didn't tell him, did you? I'm gonna tell him. Where is he? +Does Clifford even know? You didn't tell him, did you? I'm gonna tell him. Where is he? He knows, Frances. +Hey, where's the fire, sister? In my eyes, officer. +In my eyes, officer. "Cool off, beautiful. Didn't you see the sign says ""Dimout Zone?"" There's a war on, you know?" +"Cool off, beautiful. Didn't you see the sign says ""Dimout Zone?"" There's a war on, you know?" Come on. You're seriously trying to tell me the Japs can't find Los Angeles without my headlights? +Come on. You're seriously trying to tell me the Japs can't find Los Angeles without my headlights? I didn't make the law, lady. I just enforce it. +Get your clothes on. You have no right! You have no fucking right, you bastards! Get the hell out of here -- +You have no right! You have no fucking right, you bastards! Get the hell out of here -- Get your clothes on, lady -- +Get your clothes on, lady -- GET OUT! +GET OUT! You're under arrest. +You learn your lines? Sort of. +Sort of. There've been some calls. +There've been some calls. Who? +Who? Well... about half an hour ago that woman from the talent department called, what's her name? +Well... about half an hour ago that woman from the talent department called, what's her name? Claire? +Claire? Yeah, Claire. She said she was fired. Too bad, huh? +Yeah, Claire. She said she was fired. Too bad, huh? Fired? +Fired? Yeah. She said she delivered your message and that you'd understand. +There was another call too. From your agent. He says your summer stock deal is all set. So you're going back east, huh? ...Yes. +...Yes. Without me. +Without me. Showdown. +Showdown. You weren't going to tell me, were you? Just pack up and leave, is that it? +You weren't going to tell me, were you? Just pack up and leave, is that it? Dick, we need some time apart -- +Dick, we need some time apart -- Hey, I'm not a complete fool, you know. I can see you're going sour on me, and when I try to do something about it, you turn your back and say it's nothing. +Hey, I'm not a complete fool, you know. I can see you're going sour on me, and when I try to do something about it, you turn your back and say it's nothing. Dick, I can't even breathe here... +Dick, I can't even breathe here... Dwayne! I'm Dwayne now! And you damn well better get used to it! +Dwayne! I'm Dwayne now! And you damn well better get used to it! Dick... +Dick... I don't suppose it occurred to you that I might want to leave too, that I might want to do theatre? No, 'cause you don't want me along, do you? And the reason has nothing to do with summer stock. +I don't suppose it occurred to you that I might want to leave too, that I might want to do theatre? No, 'cause you don't want me along, do you? And the reason has nothing to do with summer stock. No? +No? No. It's all about that night, isn't it? +No. It's all about that night, isn't it? What night? +What night? The premiere. I never pressed you about it but god damn it, you're gonna tell me right here and right now what happened and where the hell you were! +The premiere. I never pressed you about it but god damn it, you're gonna tell me right here and right now what happened and where the hell you were! You want his name? +Oh, God! Let's get her out of here tonight, right now! Let's take her with us! The hearing's tomorrow. If she gets out legally, they can't come after her. +The hearing's tomorrow. If she gets out legally, they can't come after her. Look at her! She'll never pass that sanity test tomorrow... +Look at her! She'll never pass that sanity test tomorrow... I'm taking care of that, Harry. Just hold her. Reserpine. I guarantee you this'll clear her head. She'll wake up feeling smart and sailright through the hearing. +Let's get out of here! I'll lose my job! Frances, we gotta do it this way. Just remember tomorrow, remember what I told you. What're you gonna tell 'em? +Harry! I gotta go now. +We're all square now, Harry. Right? All square, Doc. +All square, Doc. Good. 'Cause I don't want to see you again. +Doctor, it may sound odd, but I believe I've profited from my stay here. It's just what I've needed, to get away like this. But I'm recuperated now. I've had lots of time to think and I've made a few decisions about my life. I'm ready to get on with it. I know you believe that. +I know you believe that. ...Don't you? +...Don't you? I'm afraid not. You see, we observe things that you're unaware of: signs, indicators. Your problem cuts very deep, Frances, and we have to get at that deeper stuff so that when you do get out, you'll really feel secure. Does that make sense? +No. Cut this runaround, Doctor. I know better. Listen to yourself, Frances. The resistance, the anger in your voice. +Listen to yourself, Frances. The resistance, the anger in your voice. You... I'm sorry, forgive me. Doctor, tell me honestly, what do I have to do to get out of here? +You... I'm sorry, forgive me. Doctor, tell me honestly, what do I have to do to get out of here? Be patient, that's all. Take an interest in your treatment and don't dwell on your resentments. You'll be yourself again, I assure you. +Be patient, that's all. Take an interest in your treatment and don't dwell on your resentments. You'll be yourself again, I assure you. ...I see. +...I see. We'll talk more about this. I'll see you later. +We'll talk more about this. I'll see you later. One question. If I'm not myself now, just who do you think I am? +Harry? Oh Harry, I knew you'd come. I love you, Harry. I love... Take me home, Harry. We'll get you home, Frances. +We'll get you home, Frances. Thank you, Harry. +"This is the answer: a subscription drive to ""Voice of Action!"" First prize is a trip to Moscow! You could visit the art theatre, maybe even meet Stanislavski!" But I'll never win that. +But I'll never win that. Yes, yes, it's all arranged. Everyone's collecting subscriptions in your name. And the best part is: the trip returns you to New York. +Yes, yes, it's all arranged. Everyone's collecting subscriptions in your name. And the best part is: the trip returns you to New York. Really? +Really? New York, Frances! Broadway! This is your chance! You belong on the stage! +New York, Frances! Broadway! This is your chance! You belong on the stage! Thank you. +...until finally your mother finds it necessary to commit you to a state mental institution. Were you mentally ill, Frances? ...No, Ralph. I don't believe I ever was sick. But when you're treated like a patient long enough, you're apt to act like one... +Were you an alcoholic? No. +No. Were you a drug addict? +Were you a drug addict? No. Never. +Thank you, Ralph. Thank you, Frances. And after the show we're hosting a reception for you and your friends at Hollywood's own Roosevelt Hotel! +Bye, baby. See you next weekend, Dad. +I'm... I'm really proud of you, Frances. Thanks, Dad. +Thanks, Dad. An essay contest... a national contest. That's pretty impressive. +An essay contest... a national contest. That's pretty impressive. I didn't have much to do with it. +I didn't have much to do with it. You wrote it, didn't you? +You wrote it, didn't you? Yeah, I suppose... Dad, who's Harry York? +Yeah, I suppose... Dad, who's Harry York? Well, Harry York is a guy who... well, he does a lot of things. Why do you ask? +Well, Harry York is a guy who... well, he does a lot of things. Why do you ask? He talked to me today. Told me to keep my mouth shut or I'd get everybody in trouble. +He talked to me today. Told me to keep my mouth shut or I'd get everybody in trouble. Yeah... well... it's possible. Harry York and I both work for Mr. Kaminski right now, and... well... There are lots of folks in this country who never got a square break. That's the way of things, but Mr. Kaminski wants to change it, and when it comes to new ideas, the people in power get nervous. +Yeah... well... it's possible. Harry York and I both work for Mr. Kaminski right now, and... well... There are lots of folks in this country who never got a square break. That's the way of things, but Mr. Kaminski wants to change it, and when it comes to new ideas, the people in power get nervous. Is Kaminski a Communist? +Is Kaminski a Communist? No, no, no. All he wants to do is see the common man get a little representation. +No, no, no. All he wants to do is see the common man get a little representation. He's a socialist, then? +It's already started, Dad... with me. I know. +I know. And I can't understand how it can hurt to be honest, but the more I tried to explain -- +Dad, please, don't leave early. Just because of Mama -- Francie, you'll learn that sometimes it's best to stay low and just walk away. +What do I do, Dad? You really want to go? +You really want to go? Of course. +Of course. And you think it's worth all this? +And you think it's worth all this? If I didn't, I wouldn't put you through it. +If I didn't, I wouldn't put you through it. ...Then go. +I love you, Mama. I love you, Dad. Be careful, Francie. +...So what do you think? I don't know, honey. Your mother has such big plans for you. +I don't know, honey. Your mother has such big plans for you. I know that, Dad, but -- +I know that, Dad, but -- What you have to understand, Francie, is that she... well... she wanted so much for herself too, and for me, and she never really got to... The only time I ever saw her happy was if her name was in the papers... but she could have been... if times were different she could have been a politician or... I don't know. +What you have to understand, Francie, is that she... well... she wanted so much for herself too, and for me, and she never really got to... The only time I ever saw her happy was if her name was in the papers... but she could have been... if times were different she could have been a politician or... I don't know. But Dad, I'm asking about me. What do you think I should do? +But Dad, I'm asking about me. What do you think I should do? Well, Francie, sometimes after you get your hands on something you want, it just doesn't look the same. Then you have to be real smart to know if you should hold onto it because it's all you've got... or just let it go. This is the way of things, but I guess you already know that. +Well, Francie, sometimes after you get your hands on something you want, it just doesn't look the same. Then you have to be real smart to know if you should hold onto it because it's all you've got... or just let it go. This is the way of things, but I guess you already know that. Dad... whatever I decide, will it be okay with you? +Dad... whatever I decide, will it be okay with you? Always. Always. +I'm sorry, I... I don't have a desk in my room, and... I don't care, Dad. I love you. +I don't care, Dad. I love you. I love you too, Francie. +Francie, you know I can't do that. Why? It's such a simple thing. You just let me out and I disappear down a road and you never have to see me again. +Why? It's such a simple thing. You just let me out and I disappear down a road and you never have to see me again. They'll just catch you again, Francie. Besides, your mother will know. +Dad, here! You don't have to stop, just slow down. You can tell Mama I jumped out. She knows that's the kind of thing I'd do. She won't blame you. But I gave her my word. Besides, she's still your legal guardian. My hands are tied. +You know where you're taking me. You know what she'll do. Just give me a minute, slow down, give me an instant for once in your life, please? Please, Francie... +Please, Francie... Daddy! +Are you... are you hungry? I pity us, Dad. I pity us both. +It always amazes me, Lil, how you can whip up a hot, hearty meal out of thin air. I can thank you for that. It was a hard-earned talent. +Bread? Thank you. +Thank you. When's the last time you saw a hundred dollars, Ernest Farmer? +You're poisoning that child's mind. I have a right to talk to her. She's my daughter, and she's beginning to understand why I've sacrificed so much in order to achieve... +I have a right to talk to her. She's my daughter, and she's beginning to understand why I've sacrificed so much in order to achieve... You've sacrificed?! If you'd practice law for decent folk instead of Communists and indigents -- +You've sacrificed?! If you'd practice law for decent folk instead of Communists and indigents -- They need help, Lil. They pay me back in other ways. +They need help, Lil. They pay me back in other ways. How? What do they do for you, Kaminski and his friends? They're all anarchists! Traitors! +How? What do they do for you, Kaminski and his friends? They're all anarchists! Traitors! No, Lil. It's just you can't understand their brand of patriotism. +No, Lil. It's just you can't understand their brand of patriotism. That's right. I can't understand a man who puts strangers over his family, a man who gives up a good career to become a shiftless inkhorn failure. +I'm going back to the hotel. Good. +Good. See you next weekend? +See you next weekend? As usual. Everything as usual, Mr. Farmer. Just give me my due. +Lillian... I'm more than willing to meet you halfway. Don't make me sick. I'd sooner drown myself in Puget Sound. +Don't make me sick. I'd sooner drown myself in Puget Sound. That's a thought, Lil. That sure is a thought. +Kurt! Oh, Angela! Go with these trappers! They'll lead you safely down the mountain... +Oh, Angela! Go with these trappers! They'll lead you safely down the mountain... But, Kurt, I... +But, Kurt, I... No, No arguments. Be my good girl and go. There's a forest, a burning forest, and you know what I have to do! +No, No arguments. Be my good girl and go. There's a forest, a burning forest, and you know what I have to do! Oh, Kurt! +Oh, Kurt! Oh Angela, my own... Angela! +Name? I don't believe this! You jerks drag me down here in the middle of the night and you don't even know who the hell I am! +Age? Fifteen. +Fifteen. Address? +Address? Just put me down as a avg -- a vagrant vagabond. Come on, this is a joke! Assault and battery? I barely touched that bitch! +Just put me down as a avg -- a vagrant vagabond. Come on, this is a joke! Assault and battery? I barely touched that bitch! Occupation? +I'm really sad it's closing. Now what am I gonna do on Tuesday nights? You can always come see it in London. +You can always come see it in London. Only if you were in it. Are you? +Only if you were in it. Are you? I wouldn't miss it. +I wouldn't miss it. Boy, I'd love to... but I'm going to Hollywood. +Boy, I'd love to... but I'm going to Hollywood. Are you an actor? +Are you an actor? Hell yes!... well, okay, I'm still in school. But as soon as I graduate... California, here I come! +Hell yes!... well, okay, I'm still in school. But as soon as I graduate... California, here I come! Are you really serious? About acting? +Are you really serious? About acting? Why... yes. +Why... yes. Then don't go to Hollywood. +Then don't go to Hollywood. Why? +Why? I'm telling you straight, if you have any serious ambitions, stay clear of the place. It'll crush you. +I'm telling you straight, if you have any serious ambitions, stay clear of the place. It'll crush you. You sound as if you hate it. +You sound as if you hate it. No, I don't hate it. +Aren't you ever going back? ...Not if I can help it. +...Not if I can help it. Gosh! You'll break a lot of hearts. +Gosh! You'll break a lot of hearts. They'll mend. +They'll mend. What about your husband? +What? Will you be getting back together? When you quit Hollywood, I mean. +Will you be getting back together? When you quit Hollywood, I mean. What is this? +Is it true you're getting a divorce? Comrade? Why, you... you little bastard! +Just one minute... You're wasting your time, lady. Nothing's off the record with me. +Momma told ya not to speak to strangers, huh? Hey! Don't touch me. +Don't touch me. I'm not gonna hurt you. I just wanna talk. +Okay then... Well... you're causin' trouble, you know that? +Well... you're causin' trouble, you know that? I'm causing trouble?! You're a pain in the butt! You newshounds've been after me and my folks ever since I won that dumb contest. I'm just sixteen, you know? Who the hell cares what I think? +I'm causing trouble?! You're a pain in the butt! You newshounds've been after me and my folks ever since I won that dumb contest. I'm just sixteen, you know? Who the hell cares what I think? Not me. But other people seem to. +Not me. But other people seem to. Yeah. Well if you didn't put it in the papers -- nobody'd even know about it. +Yeah. Well if you didn't put it in the papers -- nobody'd even know about it. Now wait a minute, sweetie. Do I look like a newshound to you? +Now wait a minute, sweetie. Do I look like a newshound to you? No... Actually, you look more like a cop. +I'll... take your word for it. So who are you, then? Harry York. I work for Martoni Kaminski, he's running for Congress here. +Harry York. I work for Martoni Kaminski, he's running for Congress here. Oh yeah! I saw you in the newsreel! +Oh yeah! I saw you in the newsreel! Yeah, well -- +Yeah, well -- You know, my Dad's done some work for Kaminski... +You know, my Dad's done some work for Kaminski... Now you're catchin' on. Don't wanna get your Daddy in hot water, do you? +Now you're catchin' on. Don't wanna get your Daddy in hot water, do you? Whattaya mean? +Whattaya mean? Well... see the papers've got us pegged as pinkos, then you come along, the friendly neighborhood atheist -- +Well... see the papers've got us pegged as pinkos, then you come along, the friendly neighborhood atheist -- But I'm not. The newspapers're -- +But I'm not. The newspapers're -- Right again. You're no more an atheist than my man's a Red, but what they're doin', see, they're addin' up their version of your ideas with their version of ours. Could look bad for your Daddy. +Right again. You're no more an atheist than my man's a Red, but what they're doin', see, they're addin' up their version of your ideas with their version of ours. Could look bad for your Daddy. Yeah. Could look bad for you and Kaminski too, I guess. +Sure don't talk like you're sixteen. Well aren't you the smoothie. Now you're going to ask for my number, I suppose. +Well aren't you the smoothie. Now you're going to ask for my number, I suppose. I suppose not. Gotta ask you this, though: for all our sakes, you better keep your trap shut. +I suppose not. Gotta ask you this, though: for all our sakes, you better keep your trap shut. Well... I'll give it a try, Mr. York. +Well... I'll give it a try, Mr. York. Harry. +Harry. Harry. +Hi, Harry. Did you see the play? You think I'd miss it? +You think I'd miss it? Well? What'd you think? +Well? What'd you think? I just wanted to see how you looked. +I just wanted to see how you looked. How'd I look? +How'd I look? Enh. +Enh. Don't be a rat, Harry. +Don't be a rat, Harry. You looked okay. Joint's pretty dead. How 'bout I take you home? +Honest. When you were up there, you were really... there, know what I mean? Everyone else looked stupid. I don't know... I did... feel different... Alive. +I don't know... I did... feel different... Alive. Yeah, it's a gift. You gotta do something with it. +Yeah, it's a gift. You gotta do something with it. Yeah, but if I win this trip, Mama'll kill me. She hates Russians. I do want to go, though... to New York, especially... but I wanted to do it... +Yeah, but if I win this trip, Mama'll kill me. She hates Russians. I do want to go, though... to New York, especially... but I wanted to do it... What? +What? Quietly. +Quietly. You're not the quiet type, Frances. +You know, my old man was an inventor. Spent his whole life down in the basement trying to design transcontinental underground railroads, stuff like that. Well, I was supposed to be his partner. When I told him the smell of his workshop made me sick, I thought he was going to die right there. What happened to him? +What happened to him? He retired to Florida... made a killing in vending machines. +I kick myself sometimes, but the thing is, I would have been miserable living his life. ...So you think I should go. +...So you think I should go. Sure. Try this acting thing. You can make good money at it. +Sure. Try this acting thing. You can make good money at it. I don't know, Harry. I... I want so many... +I don't know, Harry. I... I want so many... You don't know what you want. +You don't know what you want. Yeah. +Frances... What? +What? Well... don't you think it's up to me to... +Well... don't you think it's up to me to... Come on, Harry. This is America, land of the free. I thought we might go skinny dipping. For starters. +How ya doin', Farmer? Me? Look at you! What're you doing in Hollywood? +Me? Look at you! What're you doing in Hollywood? Came to get a tan. +Not bad. But come on, Harry; what's the real reason? Kaminski. +Kaminski. Yeah, I read about that. Terrible business, suicide. +Yeah, I read about that. Terrible business, suicide. Since when do you believe the papers? They killed him, kid. +Since when do you believe the papers? They killed him, kid. What? +What? They killed him. They threw him out that window. +They killed him. They threw him out that window. Oh no... +Oh no... Eight stories. +Jesus. Yup. Poor bastard lay there on the sidewalk and he couldn't die. Too god damn much heart. He just didn't want to die. +Yup. Poor bastard lay there on the sidewalk and he couldn't die. Too god damn much heart. He just didn't want to die. But... but why, Harry...? Why'd they do it? +But... but why, Harry...? Why'd they do it? He wouldn't play ball. What can I tell ya... it's done. Anyway, I didn't want to be next, so I skipped town; came down here to work for some big-wig. Tail and nail job. I'm sort of a non-gentleman's non- gentleman. How d'ya like the camouflage? +He wouldn't play ball. What can I tell ya... it's done. Anyway, I didn't want to be next, so I skipped town; came down here to work for some big-wig. Tail and nail job. I'm sort of a non-gentleman's non- gentleman. How d'ya like the camouflage? You jackass! C'mon, let's get out of here. +Not bad. It was slow at first, but I'm doing bits now. I always told ya, Frances. You got real ability. +I always told ya, Frances. You got real ability. I know what ability you're interested in. +I know what ability you're interested in. Hey, I'm a man, aren't I? Whattaya say we have dinner, then maybe head out to the beach, rub some of this tan off each other. For old time's sake. +Hey, I'm a man, aren't I? Whattaya say we have dinner, then maybe head out to the beach, rub some of this tan off each other. For old time's sake. Harry... I met someone. +Harry... I met someone. Yeah? What is he -- muscleman? Lifeguard? +Serious, huh? Yeah. +Yeah. Hey that's great, Farmer, just great. +Shit. I meant the other way around. Well, the studio told me not to. +Well, the studio told me not to. Is that why you did it? +Is that why you did it? Who ever thought they'd be right for once? Jesus, Harry... it's a zoo back there -- +Who ever thought they'd be right for once? Jesus, Harry... it's a zoo back there -- You're telling me. +You're telling me. Dick... and my mother! She acts like she's on Mars or something -- +Dick... and my mother! She acts like she's on Mars or something -- Well, she's back to earth now. They're all pretty huffed up about your leaving. I think you better go back, kid. +Well, she's back to earth now. They're all pretty huffed up about your leaving. I think you better go back, kid. Forget it. +You know, the funny thing is: it's not a great movie. I mean it could've been, but they screwed it up, gave it a happy ending. And all my friends, I know they're going to smile and say they loved it. If they say they love it, they'll probably love it. Not everybody lies, you know? +If they say they love it, they'll probably love it. Not everybody lies, you know? No, they don't, do they? +Frances, you're a movie star now. If you give them what they want, you can get anything. I don't have what they want, Harry. Harry, will you tell me something? How can I keep making movies when people in the streets are starving? +I don't have what they want, Harry. Harry, will you tell me something? How can I keep making movies when people in the streets are starving? Some people starve, kid. Until we can do something about it, they might as well see a movie. Makes 'em feel better. +Some people starve, kid. Until we can do something about it, they might as well see a movie. Makes 'em feel better. But I don't want to be like that. I want to do something... +But I don't want to be like that. I want to do something... What're you gonna do, waste your talent? Why not use it to make something worthwhile. You can do that, you know? +What're you gonna do, waste your talent? Why not use it to make something worthwhile. You can do that, you know? Yeah, if I don't make too big an ass of myself. +Tell you what. Let's ditch the limo. Let me drive you up to that red carpet in my beat up Chevy. The hell you will, Harry York. +The hell you will, Harry York. Come on, Cinderella, your pumpkin awaits. +Don't start, Farmer. It's midnight, Harry. My glittering raiments are dissolving. +It's midnight, Harry. My glittering raiments are dissolving. The chauffeur. He's watching. +The chauffeur. He's watching. He deserves a show. He missed the movie. +He deserves a show. He missed the movie. I'm serious, Frances. This is important. +I'm serious, Frances. This is important. I know. +Harry? Harry, where are you?! Jesus, Frances, how'd you find me? +Jesus, Frances, how'd you find me? I called your god-damned office! I want you to kill him, Harry. You'll do that for me, won't you? I loved him, I loved him... that bastard. +I called your god-damned office! I want you to kill him, Harry. You'll do that for me, won't you? I loved him, I loved him... that bastard. Calm down, Frances. +Calm down, Frances. Don't tell me what to do, just give me his head on a platter! +Two lines! Two fucking lines! 'My wife returns from Europe tomorrow. I can't see you any more.' Just like that! Frances... +Frances... Harry, I hate being in love. I don't ever want to be in love again. I just hate it! +How the hell do you find me anyway? Animal magnetism! No ginger beer. What's this red stuff? +Animal magnetism! No ginger beer. What's this red stuff? What's left of my blood. +What's left of my blood. Think I'll have a glass. +Think I'll have a glass. Help yourself. Everyone else has. +Nice joint. Can you afford it? Nope. The studio pays. Thank you, Harry. +Nope. The studio pays. Thank you, Harry. What for? +What for? For not chopping off his head and serving it to me on a platter. +For not chopping off his head and serving it to me on a platter. Well, I would have, you know? I just didn't know how to cook it. +Six months' probation...? You gotta learn when to do battle, Farmer. You're not going to win many bouts with 200 pound cops. I took the early rounds. +I took the early rounds. I'll bet. +I'll bet. I don't know. It hurts, Harry. Some things, no matter what you do with them, they just hurt. +I don't know. It hurts, Harry. Some things, no matter what you do with them, they just hurt. So you drink, and you fight with a cop...? +So you drink, and you fight with a cop...? Yeah, and you look at people and you wonder who the hell they are, what's going on inside their heads. Sometimes you can hear it, like a buzzing, the things that happen in their heads. And you wonder: does anybody ever love anybody, really? +Yeah, and you look at people and you wonder who the hell they are, what's going on inside their heads. Sometimes you can hear it, like a buzzing, the things that happen in their heads. And you wonder: does anybody ever love anybody, really? Beats me. +Hey look, I got some business down in San Diego. Whattaya say you come with me, stay a few days? No, Harry, I can't -- +No, Harry, I can't -- You're coming. +I just wanted to be part of something... one thing, one play or one movie, something that was really fine... memorable. And I could say: I did that, I made something good. And? +And? Well... to get a crack at something good, you gotta earn it, you gotta climb the ladder first. So you do, you work hard, and all these people behind you are pushing you up, shouting you on. And then one day you realize you are, you're at the top... and there's nothing there. And you look behind you and there's no one below. You're just left there all alone... swaying in the god-damned breeze. +Take a walk, pal. Who said I was a lady? +Oh my God, I look awful. You've looked a whole lot better. C'mon. +Evening, gorgeous. That sure looks like fun... You know how long it's been since I was behind the wheel? +That sure looks like fun... You know how long it's been since I was behind the wheel? Forget it, Frances. You're not driving. +Forget it, Frances. You're not driving. Have I told you how mean you're turning, York? +Where are we, mean man? Couple hours from Idaho. We'll cut across to Montana. I've got friends there with a ranch. +Couple hours from Idaho. We'll cut across to Montana. I've got friends there with a ranch. I should've known... +I should've known... What? +What? This is another one of your schemes to get me off alone... +This is another one of your schemes to get me off alone... That's right. +That's right. ...Take advantage of me. +I don't think I'd be much good in a war... Whattaya think you're in now? +Whattaya think you're in now? I don't know. Not a war exactly. It's more a... a misapprehension maybe... +I don't know. Not a war exactly. It's more a... a misapprehension maybe... Huh? +Huh? A misunderstanding, people taking the wrong meaning from things. I wasn't declaring war, Harry. I was just saying my prayers. +Harry, I have to go home. I have to talk to Mama. Frances, you're fulla drugs. You don't know what you're saying. Who do you think put you into Meadow Wood? Your mother thinks you're crazy and she'll keep on thinking it as long as it suits her. +Frances, you're fulla drugs. You don't know what you're saying. Who do you think put you into Meadow Wood? Your mother thinks you're crazy and she'll keep on thinking it as long as it suits her. No, she just didn't want me going to jail, that's all. +No, she just didn't want me going to jail, that's all. Yeah? She's a shark, Frances. I'm not taking you there, and that's that! +You know something, Harry? I guess. +I guess. Aside from meanness, you're almost perfect. There's only one other thing wrong with you. +Aside from meanness, you're almost perfect. There's only one other thing wrong with you. What's that? +What's that? You can't drink. +Ohhh, that's lousy Scotch! Hey! Another shot for the lady and a double for me! +Hey! Another shot for the lady and a double for me! What a man! +What a man! Hey, you're a good quarter-horse, kid, but you can't go a route of ground. +Hey, you're a good quarter-horse, kid, but you can't go a route of ground. To quarter-horses. +To quarter-horses. No. To thoroughbreds. +Why are you always leaving me, Harry? Huh? +Huh? You should stickaround sometimes. Look out for me. +You should stickaround sometimes. Look out for me. Look, Frances, I'm only gonna ask this one time. I mean it. I swear after this, I'll never ask again: Will you marry me? +Look, Frances, I'm only gonna ask this one time. I mean it. I swear after this, I'll never ask again: Will you marry me? I know a thing or two about marriage. You... you understand me more than anyone, Harry... maybe even more than Mama. But... you're too important to me. I'd fail you. I don't know how or why, but I would. And that's a chance I just can't take. Do you understand? +I know a thing or two about marriage. You... you understand me more than anyone, Harry... maybe even more than Mama. But... you're too important to me. I'd fail you. I don't know how or why, but I would. And that's a chance I just can't take. Do you understand? Well... I'll act like I do until I do. +There's just one more thing. What's that? +What's that? Will you marry me? +It's not too late to keep going, up to Vancouver? Be the smartest thing. Thanks, Harry, really, but... I can't explain it. She's my mother. She's just... I can't give up on her that easy. +Thanks, Harry, really, but... I can't explain it. She's my mother. She's just... I can't give up on her that easy. You give up on her? +You give up on her? Yeah. It's just... something I gotta do, I guess. +Yeah. It's just... something I gotta do, I guess. Frances, You're crazy. +Frances, You're crazy. I know. Don't tell anyone. +Anyway... if you need me... I got your number, Mister Man. +Frances! Frances! Who? +Who? Frances, it's me, Harry? +Frances, it's me, Harry? ...Touch me again and I'll kill you, you pig. +I love you, Harry. I love you. I love you too, Frances. +Where to? Oh Harry... +This is it, kid. This is our chance. When you got a chance, you better take it. Yeah. I don't know. +Yeah. I don't know. You don't need to screw around anymore. You don't need Dwayne Steele or Odets or your mother. You need me. +You don't need to screw around anymore. You don't need Dwayne Steele or Odets or your mother. You need me. I know, but... There were so many people in there, Harry. Every time I turned around someone was pressing against me... watching, looking over my shoulder, touching me, grabbing, sticking things into me. When I feel somebody near me now... anybody... my skin starts to crawl. +Been a lot of years, you know. A long time waiting. For what? End up feeling like a sap. Oh please, Harry... don't even think it. You're the only person who ever... It's just... Can't you wait for me? +Oh please, Harry... don't even think it. You're the only person who ever... It's just... Can't you wait for me? I don't know. +I don't know. Yes you do. If you love me you can wait, right? A month, six months, whatever it takes. +Yes you do. If you love me you can wait, right? A month, six months, whatever it takes. Right. Except... time has a way of -- +Right. Except... time has a way of -- No, Harry, it's not time, it's us. You and me. And I'm telling you now that I'll come to you, okay? I'll find you. I will. +No, Harry, it's not time, it's us. You and me. And I'm telling you now that I'll come to you, okay? I'll find you. I will. I hope so, Frances. +C'mere. I want to talk to you. Oh. Why, Harry York. How nice to see you. +How... how ya doin', Farmer? Fine, thank you. Did you watch the show? +Fine, thank you. Did you watch the show? Sure I did, that's why I'm here. +Sure I did, that's why I'm here. How did I look? +How did I look? Oh, you... ...ennh. +Oh, you... ...ennh. Well... you're looking well. +I got a new car. Only it's red. Did you know Mama died? Yeah. Yeah, I heard about that. +Yeah. Yeah, I heard about that. Dad, too. I sold the house. I'm a faceless sinner, Harry... +Dad, too. I sold the house. I'm a faceless sinner, Harry... Why do you say that? +Why do you say that? I'd ask you to take me home, but I'm a faceless sinner. ...You smell good, Harry. Familiar, you know? I'd ask you to take me home, but... +It's going to be slow from now on. Do you know what I mean, Harry? I'm not sure. +I'm not sure. Very slow. But we're not going to stop, are we? +Very slow. But we're not going to stop, are we? No. +No. No, we're not. +Goodbye, Harry. It was very good to see you again. Yes. Would you like me to walk a little way with you? +Yes. Would you like me to walk a little way with you? That would be okay. +That would be okay. Just a little way. +Pretty morning. It's always beautiful at this time. Peaceful... +It's always beautiful at this time. Peaceful... And no people. +And no people. Yes. +Where you goin'? Wherever they're going, I'm going. +Wherever they're going, I'm going. Yeah, I know what that's like... Where you been? +Yeah, I know what that's like... Where you been? Well, I was picking fruit with some migrant workers until... +Yeah. What'd you do? +What'd you do? You know, I've never been able to figure that out. +Shit! Run! +...Is that not true? Who's writing this guy's lines? +Who's writing this guy's lines? Answer the question! Have you driven a car since you were placed on probation? +Answer the question! Have you driven a car since you were placed on probation? No, I couldn't get my hands on one. +No, I couldn't get my hands on one. Have you reported to your Probation Officer as directed? +Have you reported to your Probation Officer as directed? I never saw him. Why didn't he show up? +I never saw him. Why didn't he show up? Did you expect him to look you up? +Did you expect him to look you up? Why, certainly. I wanted to get a peek at his face... +You're on your way to a contempt citation, young lady. That's fine with me... Get it? Fine. A fine! Hey c'mon, c'mon, what is this, an audience or a jury? +That's fine with me... Get it? Fine. A fine! Hey c'mon, c'mon, what is this, an audience or a jury? Miss Farmer, is it true you fought with the policeman who arrested you last night? +Miss Farmer, is it true you fought with the policeman who arrested you last night? Sure it's true. I was fighting for my country as well as myself. +Sure it's true. I was fighting for my country as well as myself. Miss Farmer, you were advised at the last hearing that if you took one drink of liquor or failed to be a law-abiding citizen -- +Miss Farmer! In light of your flagrant disregard for the conditions of your probation, coupled with the unwarranted assault on the Plaintiff here... I am forced to order you to begin serving a sentence of 180 days in the County Jail. Fine! +Fine! You are a deeply troubled young lady... I only hope you change your course before it's too late. +What happened? Who're you? Who're you? +Who're you? I live here. +I live here. You're Farmer? Oh... Well, look, they took your stuff out. Moved it to some hotel, I think. +You're Farmer? Oh... Well, look, they took your stuff out. Moved it to some hotel, I think. What? +What? I'm preparin' it for the next tenant, he's coming in tomorrow. +And what's the title of this seduc... assault? 'Golden Boy.' +That's me, Clifford. I know, but I'm not seeing it. It's there, Frances, the fire is there, but it's not coming through. You're lazy -- +I'm not! Yes, you win them, you bring them into your heart, touch them, but you don't set them on fire! +Yes, you win them, you bring them into your heart, touch them, but you don't set them on fire! But I want to. I'm trying! +But I want to. I'm trying! I need an incendiary! An arsonist! +I need an incendiary! An arsonist! Then show me! That's what I'm here for, to learn, to grow! +Then show me! That's what I'm here for, to learn, to grow! Good. Then it's very simple. You have to stop being afraid, Frances. It's in you. +'But how do I know you love me?' Your big speech? +Your big speech? "'How do I know it's true? You'll get to be the champ. They'll all want you, all the girls! But I don't care. I've been undersea a long time. When they'd put their hands on me I used to say, ""This isn't it! This isn't what I mean!"" It's been a mysterious world for me! But Joe, I think you're it! I don't know why, I think you're it. Take me home with you.'" +"'How do I know it's true? You'll get to be the champ. They'll all want you, all the girls! But I don't care. I've been undersea a long time. When they'd put their hands on me I used to say, ""This isn't it! This isn't what I mean!"" It's been a mysterious world for me! But Joe, I think you're it! I don't know why, I think you're it. Take me home with you.'" I already have. +How's it sound? The speech? Real good. +The speech? Real good. You think I got it? +You think I got it? You got it. +You got it. Yeah. Yeah, tonight I think I got it. +Mama... I'm not hungry. You two just enjoy yourselves. After all, this is a celebration. +Don't listen to him, little sister. When you're proud of what you are, you don't refuse the label, understand? Yes, Ma. +Yes, Ma. And you... should be proud. You won that contest and made a name for yourself. +But they're using you! Oh Ma, they're not using me. It's just a chance to travel, see things. Besides, it's the only way I can get to New York. +I'll pay your way to New York. I'll work, I'll slave. I'll sell my vegetables to the truck farmers, or -- Oh, Mama, don't you understand? +It isn't in your hands, Mama. It's my life. Yes, but important people are concerned about this. Judge Hillier spoke to Alma Styles -- +Yes, but important people are concerned about this. Judge Hillier spoke to Alma Styles -- I don't care. +I don't care. ...You will. +It's okay. Smile, little sister, smile. +It's alright now, little sister, everything's going to be just fine. Mama, what's... +Mama, what's... Shhh, shhh. You're not going to jail, Frances. The Judge has put you under my care. I'll see you get the rest you need. +Shhh, shhh. You're not going to jail, Frances. The Judge has put you under my care. I'll see you get the rest you need. You're taking me home! +Tell them who I am! Tell them who I am! Are you crazy? Unhand that woman! That's Amelia Earhart! +And here's one from nice Mr. Zeiss. He says that... Why are these all opened? +Why are these all opened? Well, they needed immediate answers, Frances. It's good manners and good sense. You shouldn't be bothering yourself with these right now. +Well, they needed immediate answers, Frances. It's good manners and good sense. You shouldn't be bothering yourself with these right now. Then why did you bring them? +Then why did you bring them? It's your fan mail, little sister. +It's your fan mail, little sister. You kill me, Mama. +You kill me, Mama. What? +What? Go on... +Well, who have we here...? Frances, you remember my lawyer, Alma Styles? +Oh Mama, I'm so... tired of that song. Please. I want you to. It would make me so happy. +I think I need a little air. What's wrong? +What's wrong? Nothing. I think I'll just go out for awhile. +Nothing. I think I'll just go out for awhile. Where are you going? +Where are you going? For a walk, Mama. Just a walk. +How long will you be? Not long. +I'll have lunch ready by one. I'll be back. +I'll be back. At one. Promise? +At one. Promise? Sure. +Say you promise. I promise I'll... I promise, Mama. +You know, the surest way to lose an appetite, is to drink, little sister. Yes, Mama. +Yes, Mama. I don't want you drinking, Frances. +I don't want you drinking, Frances. Yes, Mama. +I'm back, Mama. Oh Frances, do I have news for you! Guess who -- +Oh Frances, do I have news for you! Guess who -- Wait, Mama, wait. I have something to tell you. I've decided... well... I'm not going to make movies anymore. I thought that's what I wanted, and I went after it with all my soul, the way you taught me, but I was miserable, Mama, and it nearly killed me. So now... now it's over. I want a different kind of life, something... simple. I want to live someplace quiet and peaceful... in the country maybe, and I'll have dogs and cats -- I feel so light suddenly, so clear for the first time in... It's going to be okay, Mama, I know it. And I love you. +Don't... talk crazy. Mama...? +Mama...? They want you back! Your agent called today! Don't you understand? He's sending the scripts. He wants to fly up here in a week with the publicity people! Frances, you can't do this to your fans! Why, they've been praying for you all through this nightmare. You can't turn your back on them now! Look at this fan mail I've been answering! +Haven't you heard what I said? I told him to come up! I told him you wanted to show them all that there's nothing wrong with you any more, that you're completely cured! +I told him to come up! I told him you wanted to show them all that there's nothing wrong with you any more, that you're completely cured! I'm not cured. I was never sick! They had no business putting me in there! My only responsibility is to myself now! +I'm not cured. I was never sick! They had no business putting me in there! My only responsibility is to myself now! You... you selfish, selfish child. At least talk to him, hear what he has to say. +You... you selfish, selfish child. At least talk to him, hear what he has to say. No! +No! You want to throw it all away, is that it? You had everything, little sister. Beauty... a brilliant career... a wonderful husband. You were a movie star! +You want to throw it all away, is that it? You had everything, little sister. Beauty... a brilliant career... a wonderful husband. You were a movie star! Mama, shut up! +Mama, shut up! And now you're throwing everything away? You're gonna be a nobody! Nobody! You know what that's like?! +And now you're throwing everything away? You're gonna be a nobody! Nobody! You know what that's like?! You... You'd send me back, wouldn't you? You would. +Where are you going? I'm going out! +I'm going out! You're not going anywhere! +You're not going anywhere! Yes, I am, and you can't stop me! You can't tell me what to do, mother. I'm a grown woman, and I can decide about my own life. +Yes, I am, and you can't stop me! You can't tell me what to do, mother. I'm a grown woman, and I can decide about my own life. Frances! +Of course, she hasn't anything definite in mind. No. No, it all depends on what offers I get. +Oh, just leave those things for now. No, Mama, I'll take care of it. I'll wash them in the morning. +You know, little sister, I never resented you for refusing to see me in the... the hospital. I knew you had to manage on your own before you could come back. Thank you for understanding, Mama. +Little sister, I don't want you to feel any rush to get back to work. I want you to rest... for a while anyway. I will, I promise. +Do I go right away or do I have time to take a bath? I was hoping for a kind word, little sister. +I was hoping for a kind word, little sister. You were hoping for a kind word?! You're my mother! You're supposed to nourish me! Support me! +You were hoping for a kind word?! You're my mother! You're supposed to nourish me! Support me! I have! +No! All you've done is try to break my spirit, try to turn me into you! But I'm not you, mother, and I never will be, and thank god for it! That goes for you too! And frankly, I don't know how, with the two of you, I turned out as sane as I am -- Wait right there, gentlemen, I'll be with you in a minute... and believe me, I don't want to stay here one second longer than I have to! But I've got to tell you, Lillian, that one day before you die, you will realize what you've done and hang your head in shame. In shame! But what -- +But what -- No! You're not talking now. You listen. You can send me away, Lillian, you can pretend I'm crazy and pretend I'm still your little girl who can't take care of herself, but one thing you can't pretend anymore. You can't pretend I love you because I don't. I can't. Not after what you've done to me. Because you see... I'm still me... I'm trying real hard all this time to be me... and you, 'little sister', you haven't been any help at all. Okay, boys, I'm ready. +On behalf of the Seattle Ladies Club, as a token of our vast admiration -- Excuse me. +Excuse me. Yes...? +Yes...? Don't I know you? +Don't I know you? I don't believe so. +I don't believe so. Sure. You shouted at me in the auditorium when I read my essay. +Sure. You shouted at me in the auditorium when I read my essay. No, my dear. You must be mistaken. +No, my dear. You must be mistaken. Oh bullshit. +I find these initial meetings to be much easier without the concerned relatives in attendance. Am I supposed to say 'thank you'? +Am I supposed to say 'thank you'? Thanks are hardly necessary. +Thanks are hardly necessary. Aw, shucks, ma'am. T'weren't nothin'. +Aw, shucks, ma'am. T'weren't nothin'. I'm glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor. +I'm glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor. It ain't for lack of trying. +It ain't for lack of trying. So it seems. May we be serious for a moment? +So it seems. May we be serious for a moment? Why, Doctor! We've only just met! +Oh! Are you really? Among persons such as yourself, creative people under great stress, erratic behavior is not at all uncommon and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. It's just that the neuroses which fuel your talent can also generate certain character disabilities which... +Do you expect me, for one moment, to believe you have greater insight into my personality than I do? Please sit down... +Please sit down... You may discuss my predicament, Doctor. You may discuss it with anyone you like, but not with me. I'm not interested. I can solve my problems without recourse to a veternarian. +You may discuss my predicament, Doctor. You may discuss it with anyone you like, but not with me. I'm not interested. I can solve my problems without recourse to a veternarian. I see. +I see. Besides, I don't want to be what you want to make me. +Besides, I don't want to be what you want to make me. And what's that? +And what's that? Normal. Average. +Normal. Average. All right. Will you please sit down now? Symington says. +All right. Will you please sit down now? Symington says. ...Did you really say that? +...Did you really say that? Just a little joke, Miss Farmer. +Just a little joke, Miss Farmer. This whole thing is a joke! +This whole thing is a joke! Stay calm, please. +Stay calm, please. "No, you stay calm, Doctor! But you're finding that difficult, aren't you? Why, are you attracted to me? Perhaps later, in some of our more intimate sessions... after we know each other a little better... and you've torn my personality to shreds, and I'm weeping and vulnerable... then you'll really get your kicks, won't you, ""Doctor?""" +"No, you stay calm, Doctor! But you're finding that difficult, aren't you? Why, are you attracted to me? Perhaps later, in some of our more intimate sessions... after we know each other a little better... and you've torn my personality to shreds, and I'm weeping and vulnerable... then you'll really get your kicks, won't you, ""Doctor?""" I'll have someone show you to your room. +I'll have someone show you to your room. Oh, that's good, very professional. In control. But the tiny beads of sweat on your upper lip give you away. +Is there something else? You didn't say 'Symington says'. +...I'm sorry to keep you waiting, the staff review ran over. Did you enjoy your mother's visit? Yes. It was very good to see her. +Yes. It was very good to see her. Really? Any problems? +Not at all. She brought me my fan mail. I had no idea there were so many strangers concerned about me. But I guess that's the best thing about working in the movies. You make so many friends. I want to go back and show them that the faith they put in me wasn't a mistake. You're telling me you feel guilty. +You're telling me you feel guilty. No... What I mean is... I'm just very excited by the prospect of getting on with my life, that's all. +No... What I mean is... I'm just very excited by the prospect of getting on with my life, that's all. Do you really believe your mother's trying to kill you? +Do you really believe your mother's trying to kill you? What? +What? "She told me you said, ""Mama, you want to kill me.""" +"She told me you said, ""Mama, you want to kill me.""" I never said... Oh look. That's just a figure of speech. She said something funny, and I said... +I never said... Oh look. That's just a figure of speech. She said something funny, and I said... And you accused her of tampering with your mail. +And you accused her of tampering with your mail. Oh for Christ's... +I'm sorry. She misunderstood, that's all. But you tell me you had a pleasant visit and your mother says you were sullen and uncommunicative. Whom do you think I should believe? +But you tell me you had a pleasant visit and your mother says you were sullen and uncommunicative. Whom do you think I should believe? Doctor, I hate to break this to you, but my mother is a little batty. +Doctor, I hate to break this to you, but my mother is a little batty. Frances, you're still filled with anxiety. You feel guilty and hostile toward your family and friends. Consequently, I didn't recommend your release at the staff review. +Frances, you're still filled with anxiety. You feel guilty and hostile toward your family and friends. Consequently, I didn't recommend your release at the staff review. You what? +You what? Mental illness is an elusive thing, and though I'm pleased you're feeling more... capable, it's perhaps unrealistic to expect you to be completely cured after so short a time. Don't you agree? +I'm sure you'll see it my way in the end. Dr. Symington, how big is your dick? +Dr. Symington, how big is your dick? Huh? +Huh? 'Cause if it's long enough, which I doubt, why don't you wrap it around and fuck yourself in the ass! +I want outta here, you understand? I'm ready to get out! So you go back there... you go back and you tell them to let me out! Frances, I'm warning you... +Frances, I'm warning you... No, I'm warning you! Who do you think you are, God? You bumble around with your folders... ...and your pencils... ...and your god-damn buttons... ...all your badges of authority! But you have no authority! You're nothing! You're a zero! +Symington says... Sedate her. +And do you think it's radical for a man to have a job and feed a family? No! +No! Is it radical for you to have a hand in shaping your future, and the future of your children? +Is it radical for you to have a hand in shaping your future, and the future of your children? No! +No! Is it radical for the wealth of this country to be turned back to the people who built the country? +Is it radical for the wealth of this country to be turned back to the people who built the country? No! No! +No! No! Good! Because, Brothers, that's you! +I don't know why they even bother. She's had enough of this to knock sense into a bull elephant. Yeah? +Yeah? I checked the files. This one holds the record for shock treatments. Four hundred seventeen and no end in sight. +I checked the files. This one holds the record for shock treatments. Four hundred seventeen and no end in sight. You're kidding. +You're kidding. Yeah, well, you know doctors. They sure hate to use that word. +Yeah, well, you know doctors. They sure hate to use that word. What? +What? 'Incurable.' +You were with him at the end. Yes. +Yes. I was watching. +I longed to be with him. But I wanted his final moments to have peace. I could see you were a friend to him. What is that to you? Evil as you are. +What is that to you? Evil as you are. I am as he made me. In his own image. +I am as he made me. In his own image. You drove him to his torment. +You drove him to his torment. And he drove me to mine. +And he drove me to mine. Then why weep for him? +Then why weep for him? Would you not? He was father. And mother. We fell from grace together. He from his God. I from mine. +I've never been shown a kindness. Show me one now. What kindness? +What kindness? Build for him a pyre. Light up the sky with his passing. +Nice. The music? Or the fire? +I'm glad you finally came to the door. A man shouldn't have to scurry in the shadows. Better that way... for me. +Better that way... for me. Why? +Why? I'm... very, very ugly. People are afraid. Except you. +I'm... very, very ugly. People are afraid. Except you. It can't be as bad as that. +It can't be as bad as that. Worse. +You're an outcast. Yes. I have been seeking my friends. +Yes. I have been seeking my friends. Friends? Do they live around here? +Friends? Do they live around here? Yes. Very close +Yes. Very close Why do you not go to them? +I have been... afraid. Afraid... they will hate me... because I am so very ugly... and they are so very beautiful People can be kinder than you think. +People can be kinder than you think. I am afraid. +Come warm yourself if you like. You speak. +You speak. Yes, I speak. And read. And think... and know the ways of Man. I've been waiting for you. Two months now. +Yes, I speak. And read. And think... and know the ways of Man. I've been waiting for you. Two months now. How did you find me? +The letters in your journal. That and a geography book. Your Elizabeth sounds lovely. Kill me and have done with it. +Kill me and have done with it. Kill you? Hardly that. +Kill you? Hardly that. Then why am I here? What did you want with me? +Then why am I here? What did you want with me? More to the point, why am I here? What did you want with me? What does one say to one's Maker, having finally met him face to face? Milton gave it voice. Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay to mould me Man? Did I solicit thee from Darkness to promote me? +More to the point, why am I here? What did you want with me? What does one say to one's Maker, having finally met him face to face? Milton gave it voice. Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay to mould me Man? Did I solicit thee from Darkness to promote me? Fine words from a child killer. You who murdered my brother. +Fine words from a child killer. You who murdered my brother. Your crime... as well as mine. +Your crime... as well as mine. How dare you. You're disgusting and evil. +How dare you. You're disgusting and evil. Evil? Do you believe in evil? +Evil? Do you believe in evil? I see it before me. +I see it before me. I'm not sure I believe. But then I had no one to instruct me. I had no mother... and my father abandoned me at birth. +Why, Victor? Why? What were you thinking? There was something at work in my soul which I do not understand. +There was something at work in my soul which I do not understand. What of my soul? Do I have one? Or was that a part you left out? Who were these people of which I am comprised? Good people? Bad people? +What of my soul? Do I have one? Or was that a part you left out? Who were these people of which I am comprised? Good people? Bad people? Materials. Nothing more. +Materials. Nothing more. You're wrong. Do you know I knew how to play this? +In which part of me did this knowledge reside? In these hands? In this mind? In this heart? And reading and speaking. Not things learned... so much as things remembered. Trace memories in the brain, perhaps. +Trace memories in the brain, perhaps. Stolen memories. Stolen and hazy. They taunt me in my dreams. I've seen a beautiful woman lying back and beckoning for me to love her. Whose woman was this? I've seen boys playing, splashing about in a stream. Whose childhood friends were these? Who am I? +Stolen memories. Stolen and hazy. They taunt me in my dreams. I've seen a beautiful woman lying back and beckoning for me to love her. Whose woman was this? I've seen boys playing, splashing about in a stream. Whose childhood friends were these? Who am I? I don't know. +I don't know. Then perhaps I believe in evil after all. +What can I do? There is something I want. A friend. +There is something I want. A friend. Friend? +Friend? A companion. A female. Like me, so she won't hate me. +A companion. A female. Like me, so she won't hate me. Like you? Oh, God, you don't know what you're asking. +Like you? Oh, God, you don't know what you're asking. I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine. And rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will demonically indulge the other. That choice is yours. You're the one who set this in motion, Frankenstein. +I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine. And rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will demonically indulge the other. That choice is yours. You're the one who set this in motion, Frankenstein. And if I consent? +And if I consent? We'd travel north, my bride and I. To the furthest reaches of the Pole, where no man has ever set foot. There we would live out our lives. Together. No human eye would ever see us again. This I vow. +Soon? Yes. I want this over and done with. +Yes. I want this over and done with. I'll be waiting. And watching. +Why... her? Her body pleases me. +What is this? A brain. Extremities. +A brain. Extremities. This was not taken from a grave. +This was not taken from a grave. What does it matter? She'll live again. You'll make her. +What does it matter? She'll live again. You'll make her. No. I draw the line. +You will honor your promise to me! I will not! Kill me now! +I will not! Kill me now! That is mild compared to what will come. If you deny me my wedding night. I'll be with you on yours. +She's beautiful. She's not for you. +She's not for you. I'm sure the lady knows her own mind. Doesn't she? Let her decide the proper suitor. +GET AWAY FROM HER! SHE'S MINE! SHE'LL NEVER BE YOURS! SHE SAID MY NAME! SHE REMEMBERS! +Poor William! What indignant tears! There, there... shhh... +That's the nature of all progress, William. Don't let your brother sway you otherwise. Quite right! +Elizabeth, really! He's quite mad! Scandalous! What would your dear mother say? +Scandalous! What would your dear mother say? One-two-three, one-two-three, twirl- two-three... +You dance so beautifully together. And you look so lovely. +Must've been a terrible row. "He was almost expelled for calling one of his professors a ""pompous... Fellow...""" +Nothing. Still nothing. It's been months. It's not like him. +It's been months. It's not like him. Something's wrong. I know it. I've heard rumors of cholera spreading south from Hamburg. +Something's wrong. I know it. I've heard rumors of cholera spreading south from Hamburg. So have I +So have I I should go. I should leave today. +I should go. I should leave today. Elizabeth. If it's true, travel into Germany would be banned. You'd never get near Ingolstadt. Besides, they're only rumors. +Elizabeth. If it's true, travel into Germany would be banned. You'd never get near Ingolstadt. Besides, they're only rumors. And not a word of them to Father. He's agitated enough not hearing from Victor. +And not a word of them to Father. He's agitated enough not hearing from Victor. Read him one of the old letters and rephrase it. We'll say it came today. It'll set his mind at ease. +Are you all right? Fine. +He always was opinionated. He set things right with a proper apology... and now they've put him in charge of dissection lab! +What does it say? Let this locket be a token of the vow we took the night I left. He's coming home to marry me. +Have you seen Willie? Is he not back yet? +Is he not back yet? Claude rode over there to see if held lost track of time. They say he never arrived. +Claude rode over there to see if held lost track of time. They say he never arrived. It's far too late for him to still be out. +Don't cry, Elizabeth. Aren't you? +Are you sure it can't hurt us? Nothing can. Not ever. +How could all my father's knowledge and skill fail to save her? It's not ours to decide. All that live must die. It's God's will. +What kind of God is He to will this? She was mother to me as well. But ours is the job of the living. It's up to us now to hold this family together. We must think of Father and be strong for him. I cannot do that alone. +She was mother to me as well. But ours is the job of the living. It's up to us now to hold this family together. We must think of Father and be strong for him. I cannot do that alone. God took her from us. +God took her from us. He left a beautiful gift in her place. A baby boy. To cherish and love as our very own. Your brother +Victor, have a care! You'll make him dizzy! The world is a dizzying place. +Oh, do give him here! He needs to be comforted and held! He needs to vent his outrage to the skies! Make yourself heard, Willie! Learning to walk is not an easy thing! Why should it be so? +Don't listen, Willie. Progress is a feast to be consumed. Women would have you believe you must walk before you can run. Or run before you can waltz! Give me that child before you fill his head with drivel! +Smell the air. Wonderful. Quite a send-off, isn't it? +Quite a send-off, isn't it? Father's so proud. +Father's so proud. And you? +And you? Prouder still. You'll be the handsomest student there. +Prouder still. You'll be the handsomest student there. I'll have to do better than that. +I'll have to do better than that. You will. What do you want, Victor? +You will. What do you want, Victor? To be the best there ever was. To push our knowledge beyond our dreams... to eradicate disease and pestilence... to purge mankind of ignorance and fear... +I've loved you all my life All my life I've known. +This feels... incestuous. Is that what makes it so delicious? +Brother and sister still? I wish to be your husband. +I wish to be your husband. I wish to be your wife. +I wish to be your wife. Then come with me to Ingolstadt. Marry me now. +Then come with me to Ingolstadt. Marry me now. If only I could. But one of us must stay. Father's not strong. Willie's just a child. Who can look after them in your absence? Who can run the estate? +If only I could. But one of us must stay. Father's not strong. Willie's just a child. Who can look after them in your absence? Who can run the estate? Only you. +Only you. I will be here when you return. +You make me weak. Not as weak as I. +Our decision. Together. Your decision. For us. +Your decision. For us. I give you my soul... +I give you my soul... ...until our wedding night. When our bodies will join. +...until our wedding night. When our bodies will join. Victor. I love you, +Victor. I love you, Elizabeth. My more than sister. +My mind was not playing tricks. He was there in the storm... gloating over his crimes... challenging me to come. But why risk yourself? Hasn't this family suffered enough? +But why risk yourself? Hasn't this family suffered enough? I've no choice +I've no choice If what you say is true, it is a matter for the police! +If what you say is true, it is a matter for the police! They've done a fine job. Hanging an innocent for the crime of a fiend. +Do you know this man? Is there something between you? I know only that he is a killer. And I shall bring back his carcass. +I thought I'd never see you again! I'm all right. I'm safe, +What sort of task? It's not something I can explain now. Perhaps someday. +It's not something I can explain now. Perhaps someday. What of our marriage? Victor, we've had so much tragedy. I want this family to live again. +What of our marriage? Victor, we've had so much tragedy. I want this family to live again. So do I. +So do I. We need each other now, I need your comfort and strength, not separation and solitude. +We need each other now, I need your comfort and strength, not separation and solitude. A month at most, that's all I ask. Elizabeth, please. Things have not yet resolved. I must take steps to see that they do. For our family's sake. For our sake. You are life itself. We shall seal our vow. The moment I am done. +No. Not tomorrow, not next week, Marry me today. Why the change? What about your work? +Why the change? What about your work? It was misguided and pointless. Is your answer yes? +It was misguided and pointless. Is your answer yes? It is +It is We'll leave this afternoon, right after the ceremony. Pack only what you need. +We'll leave this afternoon, right after the ceremony. Pack only what you need. Does this have something to do with that man you saw? +Does this have something to do with that man you saw? Yes. We're in danger here. Every moment we stay. +Yes. We're in danger here. Every moment we stay. Victor, tell me why! Trust me! +Victor, tell me why! Trust me! I do. But you must trust me for now. +Brother and sister no more. Now husband and wife. +I remember the first time I ever saw you. Crossing the floor of the grand ballroom with my parents at your side. So beautiful even then. I have been waiting for this ever since. +Victor! Open this door for no-one! +It's going to ram us. It wouldn't dare. +Captain, I implore you. The men are frightened and angry. They want your assurance. They knew the risks when they signed on. I've come too far to turn back now. +They knew the risks when they signed on. I've come too far to turn back now. Then you run the danger of pushing them to mutiny. +A warming wind. This ice will break yet. How's our guest? +This ice will break yet. How's our guest? He died. Raving about phantoms. He was mad, poor devil. Gather a detail. Have the body removed from my cabin. +He died. Raving about phantoms. He was mad, poor devil. Gather a detail. Have the body removed from my cabin. Aye, Captain. +I'm quite serious. Look at all the charity and clinic work we do. Up until thirty years ago, the concept of vaccine was unheard of. You're saying all disease will eventually be eradicated? +You're saying all disease will eventually be eradicated? I'm convinced. Not by treating symptoms, but by diving nature's most jealously-guarded secrets. +I'm convinced. Not by treating symptoms, but by diving nature's most jealously-guarded secrets. Do you foresee this happening in our lifetimes? +Do you foresee this happening in our lifetimes? No. But someday. +No. But someday. Thank goodness. We'd be out of work. +Professor? Oh God. +I was just clearing my throat. Very well then. +I am not mad. As a march hare. +Are you having me on? Of course I am. It pays to humor the insane. +Henry Clerval. Victor, Victor Frankenstein. +Victor, Victor Frankenstein. I know. You have a way of making an impression. +Do you really think I'm mad? Come now. Magnus? Agrippa? Next thing you know, you'll be teaching toadstools to speak. +Rich old ladies and their daughters? Can you think of a better reason? +Can you think of a better reason? Quite a few. +Quite a few. Do me a favor then... ...keep them to yourself. +The entire school heard it. It wasn't something one could miss. You're a comfort to me, Henry. +You're a comfort to me, Henry. What now? Writing about it in your journal won't help. +What now? Writing about it in your journal won't help. It's a letter to my father. +Now you've got him started. These are exciting times, Henry. We're entering an era of amazing breakthroughs. Look at Edward Jenner. He wasn't content to bleed people with leeches, he pioneered a new frontier of thought +These are exciting times, Henry. We're entering an era of amazing breakthroughs. Look at Edward Jenner. He wasn't content to bleed people with leeches, he pioneered a new frontier of thought ...yes, and thanks to him, smallpox has been virtually eliminated. I've heard this speech before. +...yes, and thanks to him, smallpox has been virtually eliminated. I've heard this speech before. But you haven't listened, Never in history has so much seemed possible. We're on the verge of answers undreamt of... but only if we have the courage to ask the questions. +Only you would think of that! Somebody has to! +And here's to Him. Everything in moderation, Frankenstein. Nothing in moderation, Clerval. +They just caught the man who did it. He was a frightened soul who acted out of fear and ignorance. +He was a frightened soul who acted out of fear and ignorance. They'll hang him all the same. +They'll hang him all the same. Good. I'll be there to hear his worthless neck snap. +Keep your voice down. You don't know what you're saying. It was wrong, Henry! It shouldn't have happened! The bastard deserves to die. +You're making a scene! Why Waldman? He of all people should have cheated death! +Why Waldman? He of all people should have cheated death! You can't. Death is God's will! +You can't. Death is God's will! I resent God's monopoly. +I resent God's monopoly. That's blasphemy! +That's blasphemy! Blasphemy be damned! Waldman spent his life trying to help people! +Blasphemy be damned! Waldman spent his life trying to help people! All the more reason for us to continue his work with the poor! +All the more reason for us to continue his work with the poor! No. He had more important work. +No. He had more important work. There are sick people who need our help. Here and now. Not in some future time. Consider that. +Victor. This has got to stop. Nobody's seen you in months. You haven't attended a single class. I've been preoccupied. +I've been preoccupied. We all know how hard you took Waldman's death. Even Krempe is sympathetic. But it is time to move on. It is time to concern yourself with life. +We all know how hard you took Waldman's death. Even Krempe is sympathetic. But it is time to move on. It is time to concern yourself with life. That is my concern. I'm involved in something just now. I want to finish it in Waldman's memory. +That is my concern. I'm involved in something just now. I want to finish it in Waldman's memory. How much longer? +How much longer? Few months perhaps. I'm gathering the raw materials even now. +This is a bad time, Henry. I'm busy just now. What do you want? Things have gone worse with this cholera outbreak. Thousand new cases a day now. Classes have been suspended. University's shut down. +Things have gone worse with this cholera outbreak. Thousand new cases a day now. Classes have been suspended. University's shut down. Yes? And? +Yes? And? Listen to what I'm saying. The militia's arriving to quarantine the city. Most of us are getting out while we still can. +Listen to what I'm saying. The militia's arriving to quarantine the city. Most of us are getting out while we still can. You'll be leaving then. Just as well. You never were cut out for this, Henry. Goodbye. +Thank God your fever broke. Slowly, now. Just a sip. I've been worried we might lose you. It's been touch-and-go for a week. A... week? +A... week? We feared cholera. Turned out to be pneumonia, brought on by nervous exhaustion and some idiot running around in a storm. +We feared cholera. Turned out to be pneumonia, brought on by nervous exhaustion and some idiot running around in a storm. Is that your diagnosis? +Is that your diagnosis? Mine and Professor Krempe's. We've been trading off nursing you in shifts. The rest of the time we're out working with the cholera victims. It's his turn for that just now. +Mine and Professor Krempe's. We've been trading off nursing you in shifts. The rest of the time we're out working with the cholera victims. It's his turn for that just now. You've been going round-the-clock? +You've been going round-the-clock? We catch a few hours sleep where we can. Usually here at your bedside. +We catch a few hours sleep where we can. Usually here at your bedside. Everything in moderation, Clerval. +Everything in moderation, Clerval. Nothing in moderation, Frankenstein. +It's the down-and-outs I pity most. Those who can't fend for themselves. They'll be dead by the thousands before this is done. They don't stand a chance out there. No. They don't. +No. They don't. Victor. This place looked like a charnel house. What went on here? +Quite a place. Thank you, Henry. +Thank you, Henry. For what? +For what? This. My home. My family. If not for you, I'd be dead in a burial pit somewhere. +What happened up there? I didn't find what I was looking for. +Are you sure you'll be all right? Yes, don't worry. I'll look after your father. You look after her. +Yes, don't worry. I'll look after your father. You look after her. I'll be back as soon as I've got her far away and safe. We'll hunt this fiend down together. +I'll be back as soon as I've got her far away and safe. We'll hunt this fiend down together. Only if you'll tell me who he is. +Only if you'll tell me who he is. I owe you that. Done. +All that I once loved lies in a shallow grave. By my hand. Let it go. +Yes. I took refuge in the barn. Wouldn't you? Lost in the storm? Freezing and wet? I was exhausted and could search no longer. And is it true, Miss Moritz, that you love Victor Frankenstein? That your heart was broken? Answer the question. Do you love Victor Frankenstein? +I have always loved him. Is it also not true that you murdered his brother William in a misdirected crime of passion? +Is it also not true that you murdered his brother William in a misdirected crime of passion? Murder Willie? In my heart, he was our child. Victor's and mine. Such a thing could never have entered my mind. +Murder Willie? In my heart, he was our child. Victor's and mine. Such a thing could never have entered my mind. So you have claimed. Yet you have no explanation for this. The locket last seen in the hands of the poor murdered child was found hidden in your dress the morning following the murder. The locket you so coveted. How did it come to be in your possession? +So you have claimed. Yet you have no explanation for this. The locket last seen in the hands of the poor murdered child was found hidden in your dress the morning following the murder. The locket you so coveted. How did it come to be in your possession? I have no knowledge of that. +In science, the letter of fact is the letter of law. Our pursuit is as dogmatic as any religious precept. Think of yourselves as disciples of a strict and hallowed sect. Someday you may be priests... but only if you learn the scripture chapter and verse. Any questions? But surely, Professor, you don't intend we disregard the more... philosophical works. +But surely, Professor, you don't intend we disregard the more... philosophical works. Philosophical? +Philosophical? Those which stir the imagination as well as the intellect. Paracelsus, for one. +Paracelsus? Or Albertus Magnus. Cornelius Agrippa... +Or Albertus Magnus. Cornelius Agrippa... What is your name? +What is your name? Victor Frankenstein, sir. Of geneva. +Victor Frankenstein, sir. Of geneva. Of Geneva. Tell me, Mr. Frankenstein of Geneva. Do you wish to study medicine? Or mysticism? +You seem to be adapting well to the approved curriculum. Despite the lack of challenge. +Professor Waldman. Victor, explain yourself. +Victor, explain yourself. Krempe has a way of provoking my temper. +Krempe has a way of provoking my temper. You have a way of provoking his. I've been watching you. You seem impatient with your studies. +You have a way of provoking his. I've been watching you. You seem impatient with your studies. To say the least. I came here to expand my mind, but honest inquiry seems strangled at every turn. All we do is cling to the old knowledge instead of seeking the new. +To say the least. I came here to expand my mind, but honest inquiry seems strangled at every turn. All we do is cling to the old knowledge instead of seeking the new. You disdain accepted wisdom? +You disdain accepted wisdom? No, I embrace it... as something to be used or discarded as we advance the boundaries of what is known. +Preposterous. I once saw it done, as a boy in Canton. My parents were missionaries. The cure was nothing short of miraculous. I've never forgotten it. Been fascinated ever since. +Electricity. It's utterly fantastic! This is the sort of thing I'm talking about! We should be learning this! +It's utterly fantastic! This is the sort of thing I'm talking about! We should be learning this! Why? God alone knows what it means. Until it has proven value, it's nothing more than a ghoulish parlor trick. Hardly fit for the classroom. +Why? God alone knows what it means. Until it has proven value, it's nothing more than a ghoulish parlor trick. Hardly fit for the classroom. But the possibilities. Combining ancient knowledge with new? Something like this could change our fundamental views! +But the possibilities. Combining ancient knowledge with new? Something like this could change our fundamental views! It is a thrilling direction to explore. Thrilling and dangerous. Nature can be wonderful and terrible. Science is not a realm for the reckless; it needs a conscience. We must proceed cautiously. Assess as we go. What I do on my own time is my own business. The same holds true for you. You wish to expand your mind? Fine, do so. You can even join me here, if you like. But not at the expense of your normal studies. +It is a thrilling direction to explore. Thrilling and dangerous. Nature can be wonderful and terrible. Science is not a realm for the reckless; it needs a conscience. We must proceed cautiously. Assess as we go. What I do on my own time is my own business. The same holds true for you. You wish to expand your mind? Fine, do so. You can even join me here, if you like. But not at the expense of your normal studies. I doubt that decision is still mine to make. +I doubt that decision is still mine to make. Nonsense. Tonight you will draft an apology to Professor Krempe... +"""...a sincere and heartfelt apology which you will then read aloud to him before the assembled student body and faculty." Why? +Why? Our profession needs talent like yours. Destroy your career over an issue of pride? What a waste. +Re-configure the leads? Numbers four and twelve directly into the nervous system? +Victor. He was trying to be gracious. The strain was evident. +I tell you what we need, my friends. Forget the symptoms and diseases. What we need is a vaccine for death itself. Oh, now you have gone too far. There's only one God, Victor. +You're awake. I've prepared some broth. It'll help restore you. I'm... dying. +Frostbite. Gangrene. A simple diagnosis. Are you a physician? +Are you a physician? How is it you come to be here? +How is it you come to be here? There's a startling question, coming from you. I'm captain of this ship. We sailed from Archangel a month ago, seeking a passage to the North Pole. +There's a startling question, coming from you. I'm captain of this ship. We sailed from Archangel a month ago, seeking a passage to the North Pole. Ah. An explorer. +Ah. An explorer. Would-be. I'm plagued with my share of difficulties just at the moment. +Would-be. I'm plagued with my share of difficulties just at the moment. I heard. +I heard. I can't say I blame them. We're trapped in this ice and bedeviled by some sort of... creature. +I can't say I blame them. We're trapped in this ice and bedeviled by some sort of... creature. Creature? A... human like creature? +Creature? A... human like creature? You know of it? +You know of it? Your men are right to be afraid. +Your men are right to be afraid. Then explain it, whatever it is. It could save the voyage. I've spent years planning this. My entire fortune. +Then explain it, whatever it is. It could save the voyage. I've spent years planning this. My entire fortune. You'd persist at the cost of your own life? The lives of your crew? +You'd persist at the cost of your own life? The lives of your crew? Lives are ephemeral. The knowledge we gain, the achievements we leave behind... those live on. +Do you share my madness? Madness? +We are kindred, you and I. Men of ambition. Let me tell you all that I have lost in such pursuits. I pray my story will come to mean for you all that is capricious and evil in man. Who are you? +Who are you? My name is Frankenstein... +He's dead... She's dead... all dead... Please save me... oh... poor Bill... Oh my God, oh my God... oh God... It will be all right. I'll take care of you. +It will be all right. I'll take care of you. Jack? Marcie? Ned? +It's just this place. The storm. That's why you're all upset. No, no, they're all dead... +So young, so pretty. What monster could have done such a thing? Bill -- Bill -- Bill is out there... +The killer is still out there. I will protect you. +We should go now. Maybe we should wait for Mr. Christy. +What'd you see? I don't know. Marcie's got me paranoid. +Shows how much you know. It's something about tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. +Tomorrow is another day. Right! Right! +Melvin Belli. I was careless. +I think we should go wake them up. Just in case. Give them a little while longer. It's still early, anyway. +Give them a little while longer. It's still early, anyway. I guess... +Good night, Alice. Good night, Brenda. +Cabin B is ready. Push on this side. Alice, this is Jack, Marcie and Ned. Push. +That's got her. Thanks. I'm Steve Christy. Welcome to Camp Crystal Lake. You got some grubby clothes? Climb into 'em. Alice, see if Bill has cleaned out the boathouse. I want him to start with the canoes. What happened to Brenda? You told her to sweep the courts. +You draw very well. Oh, thanks. I wish I could spend more time at it. +Any particular reason? Just a feeling. Nothing personal. +Just a feeling. Nothing personal. You want to leave? +You want to leave? I don't know. Probably be best for everybody. +I don't know. Probably be best for everybody. You may not care a lot about this place, Alice, but I mean to make it my whole life. It's been my whole life. Gimme a chance. Stay a week. Help get it ready. Next Friday, if you're not happy, I'll put you on the bus myself. I'll be grateful. +Next Friday. Thanks, Alice. +I've got to go to town and pick up the trailer and all that other stuff, but I'll be back around ten. If you're still up, we can talk, okay? Sure. +Steve said for you to start on the boats. I finished the boats. +Alice? The others show up? Everybody except the girl who's supposed to handle the kitchen. Annie. +You think you're gonna last all summer? I'm not sure I'll last all week. I'll tell Steve. +Steve said you were thinking of leaving. True? Un-hunh. +Oh, my God... You okay? +How come you're leaving? It's long and personal. It has nothing to do with you or the other kids. +It's long and personal. It has nothing to do with you or the other kids. Maybe I can help? +And it's this place. It makes no sense, but it spooks me. You're right. It makes no sense. +Filmmaker. Artist. +It still hurts? I walked into it knowing I'd get hurt, but I thought I could stand anything. I just wasn't ready for that kind of pain. We were supposed to meet in L.A. When I got back there, he sent a telegram saying he was going back to his wife. +What'll you do when you leave here? I don't know. +I didn't know I was asleep... What time is it? Almost five. +You can only do what you can do. And then Steve looks at you with those hurt eyes -- like you don't care about children... +How the... did he get in there? Slipped in. Probably liked the scent of your perfume. +Trouble? Bad bulb or no power. It's getting a little gloomy in here. +Jack and Marcie are gonna be drenched. Not if they're where I think they are. +It wouldn't matter except Steve should be getting back pretty soon. It wouldn't look so great if he fell over them. Good point. +Good point. Well, it hasn't been that long. +Help you clean up? Absolutely. +I don't hear it anymore. Can't hear anything through that wind and rain. +Can't hear anything through that wind and rain. It sounded like Brenda. +It sounded like Brenda. I'll go take a look. +I'll go take a look. Did somebody leave the lights on at the softball field? +Where? They're off now. +I'll go check on Brenda. Okay. +Jack? Marcie? +Marcie? Hey, guys! +It's dead. Try the pay phone. Do you have a dime? A quarter? +Do you have a dime? A quarter? No. There must be some in the desk somewhere. +What's the matter with it? Wet. I don't know. +Why don't we run? Just run now? It's over twenty miles to the crossroads. Steve'll be back in an hour. Things will straighten out then. We'll take his Jeep and get help. +How come? Some campers drowned. Then some counselors got killed. +I'll be along. Don't burn that gorgeous body, or I'll scratch your eyes out... +I'm sorry. Ned? We're gonna be working together for a while. You're a nice guy without all the entertainment, okay? +Sure. I'm gonna go lie down and catch some z's. Today wiped me out. Thanks, Alice. +I'm gonna go lie down and catch some z's. Today wiped me out. Thanks, Alice. You're welcome. +You said we were special. I meant everything. +You know what I said, though. I can't, Barry... +I wouldn't know. Oh, you... +Claudette... Somebody'll see. +Somebody'll see. No, they won't... +Somebody's there, Barry. Come on, Claudette. A man's not made of stone. +Come on, Claudette. A man's not made of stone. Let's go back, Barry... +Let's go back, Barry... I need you so much, Claudette. +What the hell? Where'd you get that stuff? +Give me a hand? For sure. +This is almost like the one at my uncle's cabin in Maine. Here we go. +I'll be okay. Holy shit... Don't get up. Take a second... +You saved my life. I had to. +I had to. Thanks. +Thanks. I figured if I didn't save you. I'd have to give you mouth-to-mouth and that would have ruined my appetite. +Floor probably leaks. This area is full of springs. A short somewhere. +What is it? Is it stuck? +Roll him over! Get behind him more. +Chance to get even? I'll spot you five points. +You just had some lucky shots. Where's Ned? +Did anyone ever tell you you're beautiful when you're angry? I don't believe you... +I don't believe you... Want to see my trick shot? It's even better. +You ever fire one of those bows again, and I'll tack you up on the wall to dry. God, but I love that sexy talk. +What do you want to be when you grow up? Dancer. +Holy shit... We wouldn't want you thinking you're the only show-off in camp, would we? +No wonder they lost America. How could you sneak around in the bushes wearing that? What's to eat? Whatever you make yourself. +What hath God wrought? That was the telephone. +That was the telephone. "Ha! You wily oriental! The phone was ""Mr. Watson, come in here, I need you."" ""What hath God wrought"" was the telegraph." +Ha! Sometimes I only think about kissing women. +Ow! I was just wondering if you thought there'd by any other gorgeous women at Camp Crystal Lake. Besides yourself. +What about the dope paragraph in Mr. Christy's letter? Quote: Controlled substances are expressly forbidden. Possession or use of marijuana or alcohol on campgrounds will means instant dismissal. Unquote. +Jack? Coach, athletic director somewhere. +It's gonna be a long summer. Wait, wait! When I was finding these goodies in the shed. I also found this letter which a camper never sent home. Listen. +Steve taught me how to use the emergency generator. The town power lines are supposed to be real shitty. God, but I love that macho talk! Emergency generators! The Indian used campfires. +How about our last jay? Good call. +Just a walk, for Chrissakes. Boy, we sure do have a lot of filthy small-minded people around here. Wait a minute, I'll get my diaphragm and be right with you. +Wind's up. It's shifted a good hundred and eighty degrees. Makes me want to hold on and never let go. +Makes me want to hold on and never let go. I love you. +I love you. I love you. +What about Neddy? I don't love Neddy. +I don't love Neddy. He keeps on acting like such an asshole! +He keeps on acting like such an asshole! Ned! +Ned! Don't call him. +Don't call him. I thought you wanted to give him one of your motherly lectures. Ned is gonna do whatever he wants to do, you know. +I thought you wanted to give him one of your motherly lectures. Ned is gonna do whatever he wants to do, you know. I guess... +Looks like a storm. I'm a little scared of storms. Always have been. Since I was a kid. +I'm a little scared of storms. Always have been. Since I was a kid. You? The brick? +It's just a dream. I call it my shower dream. +This is no dream. Want to escape for a while? Lead the way! +Are you wet? Just a little. Wait a minute, woman. +Mmmmmmmph? Mmmmmmmph. +Mmmmmmmph. Best over... +Best over... Umhummmmph. +Umhummmmph. Like waves. It's never been likes waves before. +Like waves. It's never been likes waves before. Whassamatta? +Whassamatta? Gotta pee. You're lying on my bladder. +Sex is all you ever think of, Neddy. There you are dead wrong. +It's beautiful... Yeah, and it also look like it hasn't seen a coat of paint in six years. +Cowboy. Girls can't be cowboys. +Girls can't be cowboys. Okay, Fireman. +Doctor. Now, if you were a flavor of ice cream, what would you be? Rocky Road. +Last line of Gone With the Wind? Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn! +You okay? Those things can be nasty. +Wait'll you're really in trouble and see what happens... "But it's in the brochure! ""Camp Crystal Lake has a full drama program."" You just saw it." +Anything else you want? No, thanks. I'm fine. Sandy. +No, thanks. I'm fine. Sandy. You can't go back there tonight. Not in that stuff. 'Less you wanta get drownded. +You can't go back there tonight. Not in that stuff. 'Less you wanta get drownded. I got to. +I got to. Aw. +I have six new counsellor up there. They're all babes in the woods in every sense of the word. They'll be okay if they know enough to stay in outta the rain. +They'll be okay if they know enough to stay in outta the rain. How much do I owe you? +How much do I owe you? One night on the town. +One night on the town. I mean... +I mean... ...I know what you mean. Two and a quarter. Plus fifteen percent tip to make up for me spending the night alone. +Yeah. I got it on before this -- -- all started. That's thirty percent. +That's thirty percent. For two lonely nights. +I told you not to buy that hunk of junk! I think water got into the electrical system. You ride me back to camp? I'll get one of my counselors to drive me back tomorrow morning. +I think water got into the electrical system. You ride me back to camp? I'll get one of my counselors to drive me back tomorrow morning. Why not? +Bad enough we got a full moon; it's Friday the 13th. They keep statistics. We get more accidents, more robberies, more rapes, more homicides, more of everything when there's a full moon. It affects people. Makes 'em nuts. You've made a science out of coincidence. +Have to drop you here, Steve. Sure. +Good luck. Another coincidence. +Another coincidence. Yeah. +How many with you? Just my son and I. +Just my son and I. What is your purpose in Mexico? +What is your purpose in Mexico? Vacation. I'm taking him to see his first bullfight. +What was that? Oh, that's just my daughter in the bathroom. +Oh, that's just my daughter in the bathroom. You said it was just you and your son. +You said it was just you and your son. I meant me, my son and my daughter. +I meant me, my son and my daughter. Open the door. I'm coming aboard. +Whatsamatter with you? Are you crazy? Why the fuck, outta all the god forsaken shit holes in Mexico, did you have us rendezvous at that place? +Why the fuck, outta all the god forsaken shit holes in Mexico, did you have us rendezvous at that place? I don't know, one place's as good as another. +I don't know, one place's as good as another. Have you ever been there before? +Have you ever been there before? No, but I passed by it a couple of times. It's out in the middle of nowhere. It seems like a rowdy place, so there wouldn't be a lot of police. And it's open from dusk till dawn. You said meet you in the morning. +No, but I passed by it a couple of times. It's out in the middle of nowhere. It seems like a rowdy place, so there wouldn't be a lot of police. And it's open from dusk till dawn. You said meet you in the morning. Well, because you picked that place out of a hat, my brother's dead now. And this girl's family's dead. +I'm sorry to hear that. What were they, psychos? Did they look like psychos? They were fuckin' vampires. Psychos don't explode when sunlight hits 'em, I don't care how crazy they are. +Oh, Seth, how can I ever make it up to you? You can't, but fifteen percent instead of thirty for my stay at El Ray is a good start. +You can't, but fifteen percent instead of thirty for my stay at El Ray is a good start. Twenty-eight. +Twenty-eight. Jesus Christ, Carlos, my brother's dead and he's not coming back, and it's all your fault. Twenty. +You like the car? I said new, this is an '90. +I said new, this is an '90. It's hardly been used at all. I got it from a drug dealer who only drove it 5 times in as many years. Swear to God. That's like new. +It's hardly been used at all. I got it from a drug dealer who only drove it 5 times in as many years. Swear to God. That's like new. So do I just follow you? +So do I just follow you? Yeah, follow us. +Yeah, follow us. So let's do it. +So let's do it. Vamanos! +We got about two more hours of day light left. That'll get us into El Paso, which is right next to the border. We'll stop at a motel -- Stop? We're not going to actually stop at a motel, are we? +Unless you two wiseacres wanna be introduced to the joys of hitchhiking, what say we drop this? The truth hurts. +Why do you want to stop? I'm exhausted. +I'm exhausted. Lie in the back, Dad, I'll drive us into Mexico. +What's this guy's problem? I have no idea. +What are you gonna do? I'm gonna try and get us across the border. +I'm gonna try and get us across the border. No, dad, you gotta tell 'em that they're back there. +Have you forgotten about your sister? They're gonna kill us. They get us across the border, they're gonna take us out in the desert and shoot us. +They're gonna kill us. They get us across the border, they're gonna take us out in the desert and shoot us. If they get over the border, they're gonna let us go. +If they get over the border, they're gonna let us go. Dad, I watch those reality shows. They never let anybody go. Any cop will tell you, in a situation like this, you get a chance, you go for it. This is our chance. +Dad, I watch those reality shows. They never let anybody go. Any cop will tell you, in a situation like this, you get a chance, you go for it. This is our chance. What about Kate? +What about Kate? They're gonna kill her anyway. At least now with all these cops we've got a fighting chance. +They're gonna kill her anyway. At least now with all these cops we've got a fighting chance. Son, I have this situation under control. I know exactly what I'm doing. You're going to have to trust me on this. +Son, I have this situation under control. I know exactly what I'm doing. You're going to have to trust me on this. If trusting you means trusting those fuckin' killers, I can't do that. If you don't tell the cops, I will. +Now, you listen to me. You ain't gonna do a goddamn fucking thing, you hear me! Nobody cares what you think, I'm running this show, I make the decisions. He's running the show. +He's running the show. "I'm running the show. I make the plays, and you back the plays I make. Stop thinking with your fucking balls. Kate in a room with a couple of desperate men with nothing to fucking lose ain't the time to ""go for it."" I need your cover. Cover my ass." +You don't believe in suicide. It's not suicide if you're already dead. Two... +It's not suicide if you're already dead. Two... Okay, I'll kill you when you change, I swear to God in Jesus Christ's name. +Okay, I'll kill you when you change, I swear to God in Jesus Christ's name. Thank you, son. +Why did they block the door again? To keep the daylight out! This is where they sleep! Get to the door! +What's your name? Jacob. +Jacob. Okay, Jacob, get up and sit your ass down on the bed. Make a wrong move and I'll shoot you in the face. +What's the story with you two? You a couple of fags? He's my son. +He's my son. How does that happen? You don't look Japanese. +How does that happen? You don't look Japanese. Neither does he. He looks Vietnamese. +Neither does he. He looks Vietnamese. Oh, well, excuse me all to hell. +Oh, well, excuse me all to hell. What's this about, money? +What's this about, money? It's about money, all right, but not yours. You see, me and my brother here are in a little hot water and we need your assistance. +It's okay, honey. Everything's going to be all right. Just listen to daddy, sugar, and don't do nothin' stupid. You two, Simon says sit the fuck down! +Where are the keys to the motor home? On the dresser. +On the dresser. Richie, take the keys. Start that big bastard up, and drive it up front. +Not a chance. Come again? +Come again? If you're taking people, take me. But my kids aren't going anywhere with you. +If you're taking people, take me. But my kids aren't going anywhere with you. Sorry, I need everybody. +Sorry, I need everybody. My children are not going with you, and that's that. +My children are not going with you, and that's that. That's not fuckin' that... this is fuckin' this. Go sit over there. +Yes. Good. Your old man's all right, he just saved your life. +Jacob Fuller. Jacob, that's biblical, ain't it? What am I askin' for, of course it is. What are their names? Scott and Kate. +Who's this? My wife. +My wife. Where is the little lady? +Where is the little lady? In heaven. +In heaven. She's dead? +She's dead? Yes, she is. +Yes, she is. How'd she die? +How'd she die? Auto wreck. +Auto wreck. Come on, gimme some more details. How'd it happen? Some fuckin' drunk kill her? +Come on, gimme some more details. How'd it happen? Some fuckin' drunk kill her? No. It was a rainy night, the brakes on the car weren't great. She had to stop suddenly. She slid on the road, she crashed, she died. +No. It was a rainy night, the brakes on the car weren't great. She had to stop suddenly. She slid on the road, she crashed, she died. Died instantly? +Died instantly? Not quite. She was trapped in the wreck for about six hours before she passed on. +Not quite. She was trapped in the wreck for about six hours before she passed on. Whewww! Those acts of God really stick it in and break it off, don't they? +Whewww! Those acts of God really stick it in and break it off, don't they? Yes, they do. +Is this real? Yes. +Yes. I've seen one of these before. A friend of mine had himself declared a minister of his own religion. Away to fuck the IRS. Is that what you're doing, or are you the real McCoy? +I've seen one of these before. A friend of mine had himself declared a minister of his own religion. Away to fuck the IRS. Is that what you're doing, or are you the real McCoy? Real McCoy. +Real McCoy. You're a preacher? +You're a preacher? I was a minister. +I was a minister. Was? As in not anymore? +Was? As in not anymore? Yes. +Yes. Why'd ya quit? +Why'd ya quit? I think I've gotten about as up close and personal with you as I'm gonna get. Now if you need me like I think you need me, you're not gonna kill me 'cause I won't answer your stupid, prying questions. So, with all due respect, mind your own business. +I think I've gotten about as up close and personal with you as I'm gonna get. Now if you need me like I think you need me, you're not gonna kill me 'cause I won't answer your stupid, prying questions. So, with all due respect, mind your own business. I seem to have touched a nerve. Don't be so sensitive, Pops, let's keep this friendly. But you're right, enough with the getting to know you shit. Now, there's two ways we can play this hand. One way is me and you go round an' round all fuckin' night. The other way, is we reach some sort of an understanding. Now, if we go down that first path at the end of the day, I'll win. But we go down the second, we'll both win. Now, I don't give a rat's ass about you or your fuckin' family. Y'all can live forever or die this second and I don't care which. The only things I do care about are me that son-of-a-bitch in the back, and our money. And right now I need to get those three things into Mexico. Now, stop me if I'm wrong, but I take it you don't give a shit about seeing me and my brother receiving justice, or the bank getting its money back. Right now all you care about is the safety of your daughter, your son and possibly yourself. Am I correct? +I seem to have touched a nerve. Don't be so sensitive, Pops, let's keep this friendly. But you're right, enough with the getting to know you shit. Now, there's two ways we can play this hand. One way is me and you go round an' round all fuckin' night. The other way, is we reach some sort of an understanding. Now, if we go down that first path at the end of the day, I'll win. But we go down the second, we'll both win. Now, I don't give a rat's ass about you or your fuckin' family. Y'all can live forever or die this second and I don't care which. The only things I do care about are me that son-of-a-bitch in the back, and our money. And right now I need to get those three things into Mexico. Now, stop me if I'm wrong, but I take it you don't give a shit about seeing me and my brother receiving justice, or the bank getting its money back. Right now all you care about is the safety of your daughter, your son and possibly yourself. Am I correct? Yes. +Yes. I thought so. You help us get across the border without incident, stay with us the rest of the night without trying anything funny, and in the morning we'll let you and your family go. That way everybody gets what they want. You and your kids get out of this alive and we get into Mexico. Everybody's happy. +I thought so. You help us get across the border without incident, stay with us the rest of the night without trying anything funny, and in the morning we'll let you and your family go. That way everybody gets what they want. You and your kids get out of this alive and we get into Mexico. Everybody's happy. How do I know you'll keep your word? +How do I know you'll keep your word? Jesus Christ, Pops, don't start with this shit. +Jesus Christ, Pops, don't start with this shit. You want me to sit here and be passive. The only way being passive in this situation makes sense is if I believe you'll let us go. I'm not there yet. You have to convince me you're telling the truth. +You want me to sit here and be passive. The only way being passive in this situation makes sense is if I believe you'll let us go. I'm not there yet. You have to convince me you're telling the truth. Look, dickhead, the only thing you need to be convinced about is that you're stuck in a situation with a coupla real mean motor scooters. I don't wanna hafta worry about you all fuckin' night. And I don't think you wanna be worrying about my brother's intentions toward your daughter all night. You notice the way he looked at her, didn't ya? +Look, dickhead, the only thing you need to be convinced about is that you're stuck in a situation with a coupla real mean motor scooters. I don't wanna hafta worry about you all fuckin' night. And I don't think you wanna be worrying about my brother's intentions toward your daughter all night. You notice the way he looked at her, didn't ya? Yes. +Yes. Didn't like it, did ya? +Didn't like it, did ya? No, I didn't. +No, I didn't. Didn't think so. So, as I was saying, I'm willing to make a deal. You behave, get us into Mexico, and don't try to escape. I'll keep my brother off your daughter and let you all loose in the morning. +Didn't think so. So, as I was saying, I'm willing to make a deal. You behave, get us into Mexico, and don't try to escape. I'll keep my brother off your daughter and let you all loose in the morning. You won't let him touch her? +You won't let him touch her? I can handle Richie, don't worry. +If he touches her, I'll kill him. I don't give a fuck how many guns you have, nothing will stop me from killing him. Fair enough. You break your word, I'll kill all of you. Kate, honey! +Swear to God, on the Bible, you won't try to escape and you'll get us across the border. I swear to God I won't try to escape and I'll do my best to get you into Mexico. +I swear to God I won't try to escape and I'll do my best to get you into Mexico. You best better get it done, Pops. +I'm telling you, don't hurt her. As long as you're cool, she'll be cool. What're ya gonna say? +As long as you're cool, she'll be cool. What're ya gonna say? I don't have the slightest idea. +I don't have the slightest idea. Well, you just keep thinkin' of that gun next to Kate's temple. +We did our part, we gotcha in Mexico. Now it's time for your part, letting us go. Pops, when you're right, you're right, and you are right. +Then? Then stop, 'cause that's where we're going. +Out of the stew pot and into the fire. Shit, I been to bars make this place look like a fuckin' 4-H club. +Who else? Pass. +Pass. Why not, against your religion? +Why not, against your religion? No, I do drink, I'm just not drinking now. +No, I do drink, I'm just not drinking now. Suit yourself, more for me. Scotty? +Why are you so agitated? I'm still stewing about that ape laying hands on me. And that fuckin' bartender sticks a weed up my ass, too. +I'm still stewing about that ape laying hands on me. And that fuckin' bartender sticks a weed up my ass, too. He backed down. +He backed down. "He's smilin' at us. But behind his smile, he's sayin', ""Fuck you Jack."" I hear that loud and clear." +"He's smilin' at us. But behind his smile, he's sayin', ""Fuck you Jack."" I hear that loud and clear." What are you going to do? +What are you going to do? I'm gonna just sit here and drain this bottle. And when I've drunk the last drop, if I still feel then, the way I feel now, I'm gonna take this bottle and break it over his melon head. +I'm gonna just sit here and drain this bottle. And when I've drunk the last drop, if I still feel then, the way I feel now, I'm gonna take this bottle and break it over his melon head. Before we stepped in here, you told all of us to be cool. That means you, too. +Before we stepped in here, you told all of us to be cool. That means you, too. I never said do what I do, I said do what I say. +I never said do what I do, I said do what I say. Are you so much a fucking loser, you can't tell when you've won? +What did you call me? Nothing. I didn't make a statement. I asked a question. Would you like me to ask it again? Very well. Are you such a loser you can't tell when you've won? The entire state of Texas, along with the FBI, is looking for you. Did they find you? No. They couldn't. They had every entrance to the border covered. There's no way you could get across. Did you? Yes, you did. You've won, Seth, enjoy it. +To your family. To yours. +Now, is your shit together? Forever together. +Okay, does anybody here know what's going on? "Yeah, I know what's going on. We got a bunch of fuckin' vampires outside trying to get inside and suck our fuckin' blood! That's it, plain and simple. And I don't wanna hear any bullshit about ""I don't believe in vampires"" because I don't fuckin' believe in vampires either. But I do believe in my own two fuckin' eyes, and with my two eyes I saw fuckin' vampires! Now, does everybody agree we're dealin' with vampires." +You too, preacher? I'm like you. I don't believe in vampires, but I believe in what I saw. +I'm like you. I don't believe in vampires, but I believe in what I saw. Good for you. Now, since we all believe we're dealing with vampires, what do we know about vampires? Crosses hurt vampires. Do you have a cross? +Good for you. Now, since we all believe we're dealing with vampires, what do we know about vampires? Crosses hurt vampires. Do you have a cross? In the Winnebago. +In the Winnebago. In other words, no. +I don't know about that. In order for it to have any power, I think it's gotta be an official crucifix. What's an official cross? Some piece of tin made in Taiwan? What makes that official? If a cross works against vampires, it's not the cross itself, it's what the cross represents. The cross is a symbol of holiness. +What's an official cross? Some piece of tin made in Taiwan? What makes that official? If a cross works against vampires, it's not the cross itself, it's what the cross represents. The cross is a symbol of holiness. Okay, I'll buy that. So we got crosses covered, moving right along, what else? +Did he...? Yep. +You all are gonna fuckin' die! I'm gonna fuckin' kill every last one of you godless pieces of shit! You bet your sweet ass you are, and I'm gonna help you do it. But we ain't got much time. +What's this stuff? My guess is that this little dive's been feeding on nomad road waifs like bikers and truckers for a longtime. This is probably some of the shipments they stole off the trucks. +My guess is that this little dive's been feeding on nomad road waifs like bikers and truckers for a longtime. This is probably some of the shipments they stole off the trucks. Well, I say lets tear this place apart for weapons. So when they burst through that door, we'll make 'em wish they never did. +Well, I say lets tear this place apart for weapons. So when they burst through that door, we'll make 'em wish they never did. I don't give a shit about living or dying anymore. I just want to send as many of these devils back to hell as I can. +I don't give a shit about living or dying anymore. I just want to send as many of these devils back to hell as I can. Amen. +I promise. Kate, Scott? +It's the bitterest of pills. You two ought to start a stand-up act, because you're just wasting your humor on me. +You two ought to start a stand-up act, because you're just wasting your humor on me. Ain't it the truth. +I just bet you would. Don't even think about it. Besides, I want to have one night's sleep in an honest- to-goodness bed. The beds in the home are okay, but they're not like a real bed. Hey, if we go to a motel, we can swim. +Dad, when I called the machine to check our messages there was one from Bethel Baptist. Mr. Franklin said he wouldn't permanently replace you until we came back. He said when we come home, if you still feel the same way -- That's very nice of Ted, but I'll call him tomorrow and tell him not to bother waiting. +That's very nice of Ted, but I'll call him tomorrow and tell him not to bother waiting. I didn't want to talk about this in front of Scott because he gets upset. But you don't believe in God anymore? +I didn't want to talk about this in front of Scott because he gets upset. But you don't believe in God anymore? Not enough to be a pastor. Look, I know this is hard on you kids. After Jenny's death, this is probably the last thing you need. But I can't do it any longer. My congregation needs spiritual leadership. Well, they can't get that from me anymore. My faith is gone. To answer your question, yes, I do believe in Jesus. But do I love them? No. After Jenny died, I just thought, what's the point? +Not enough to be a pastor. Look, I know this is hard on you kids. After Jenny's death, this is probably the last thing you need. But I can't do it any longer. My congregation needs spiritual leadership. Well, they can't get that from me anymore. My faith is gone. To answer your question, yes, I do believe in Jesus. But do I love them? No. After Jenny died, I just thought, what's the point? It's just, all our lives you've been a pastor. For twenty years you've preached trust in the lord. And then one day you wake up and say fuck him? +It's just, all our lives you've been a pastor. For twenty years you've preached trust in the lord. And then one day you wake up and say fuck him? I didn't say fuck him. I'm just not connected anymore. +I didn't say fuck him. I'm just not connected anymore. That happens, you'll get it back. +That happens, you'll get it back. Kate, give your old man a little credit. Every person who chooses the service of God as their life's work has something in common. I don't care if you're a preacher, a priest, a nun, a rabbi or a Buddhist monk. Many, many times during your life you'll look at your reflection in the mirror and ask yourself, am I a fool? We've all done it. I'm not going through a lapse. What I've experienced is closer to awakening. I'm not trying to shake your faith. I've just decided not to devote my life to God anymore. +Kate, give your old man a little credit. Every person who chooses the service of God as their life's work has something in common. I don't care if you're a preacher, a priest, a nun, a rabbi or a Buddhist monk. Many, many times during your life you'll look at your reflection in the mirror and ask yourself, am I a fool? We've all done it. I'm not going through a lapse. What I've experienced is closer to awakening. I'm not trying to shake your faith. I've just decided not to devote my life to God anymore. What do you think Mom would say? +What do you think Mom would say? Mom's got nothing to say, she's dead. +There's nothing wrong with this place. It's a flop house. +It's a flop house. It's not a flop house. It's basic and simple. That doesn't make it a flop house. +It's not a flop house. It's basic and simple. That doesn't make it a flop house. If it doesn't have a pool, we're looking for a new place. +It has a bed. That's all I care about. Other places have beds, they also have cable TV, a gym, room service... +About two hours from now. So all we have to do is get by for a few more hours and then we can walk right out the front door. +You're gonna be okay, aren't you, daddy? No, I'm not. I've been bit. In effect, I'm already dead. +I promise. Scott? +Kate, we don't have all day, so I'm only gonna count to five. One...two... three... four... Okay, okay, I promise I'll do it! +Okay, okay, I promise I'll do it! Not good enough, swear to God. +Not good enough, swear to God. I swear to God, our father, that when you change into one of the undead, I will kill you. +I swear to God, our father, that when you change into one of the undead, I will kill you. Good girl. Now, Scott, we have even less time, so I'm only giving you the count of three. One... +I'm going for 'em! No! +No! Everybody goes home! +What's going on? We're having a wet bikini contest, and you just won. +Richie, will you do me a favor and eat my pussy? Sure. +What? Where are you taking us? +Where are you taking us? Mexico. +Mexico. What's in Mexico? +What's in Mexico? Mexicans. +What? In the room. Were you serious, or were you just foolin' around? I'm just bringing it up, 'cause if you really want me to do that for you, I will. +In the room. Were you serious, or were you just foolin' around? I'm just bringing it up, 'cause if you really want me to do that for you, I will. Do what? +Do what? What you said to me in the room. +What you said to me in the room. What did I say? +What did I say? You asked me if I would -- +Creepy guy. The Sword of Damocles is lifted from above Seth's head. He's just solved a problem that a mere thirty seconds ago seemed unsolvable. He knows exactly how he's going to cross the border. Whistling a happy tune, he turns and walks back into room #9. +You got three minutes. One second longer, I shoot your father in the face. Do you understand what I just said? Yes. +Yes. Do you believe me? +Do you believe me? Yes. +Yes. You damn well better. Go. +Yeah. You must have a bible in here, don't cha? +You must have a bible in here, don't cha? Yeah, we got a bible. +Yeah, we got a bible. Get it and bring it up here, will ya, please? +You're gonna let us go? "In the morning, darlin', in the morning, we are G-O-N-E and you are F-R-E-E. Now, I know I put you guys through hell, and I know I've been one rough pecker, but from here on end you guys are in my cool book. Scotty, help me pick Richie up, and lay him down. Jacob, keep going on this road till you get to a sign that says, ""Digayo."" When you get to Digayo, turn this big bastard left, go on down for a few miles, then you see a bar called ""The Titty Twister."" From what I hear, you can't miss it." +How about you, cutie pie? Ready for round two? Okay. +Are you okay? Peachy! Why shouldn't I be? The world's my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory. +Peachy! Why shouldn't I be? The world's my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory. I'm really sorry. +I'm really sorry. Bullshit! You hate us. If you had half a chance you'd feed us to them! +We have to go back for Daddy! Daddy's dead. +Daddy's dead. Noooo! +Watch my back! Anytime. +How many bullets left, kid? Not many. +Not many. Well, when you run out of weapons, just start cold cocking 'em. Make 'em sing for their supper. +Should I use the last bullets on us? You use 'em on the first couple of these parasites that try to bite you. +I'm sorry. Me too. +See ya. Later. +Why, just look at all this. You got your kitchen -- -- you got your microwave -- +-- you got your microwave -- -- you got your sink -- +-- you got your sink -- -- you got your shower -- +-- you got your shower -- -- see this, television! +-- see this, television! Feel this, real wood paneling. That's real wood, too, not that fake stuff. +For the time being we are very confident we will apprehend the fugitives in the next forty-eight hours. The Bureau, local law enforcement and the Texas Rangers have all joined forces in forming a dragnet to snare Seth and Richard Gecko. Agent Chase, does it appear that they are heading for Mexico. +Agent Chase, does it appear that they are heading for Mexico. Yes, it does, Kelly. We have already alerted the Mexican authorities. They intend to cooperate every way possible in bringing these fugitives to justice. +Yes, it does, Kelly. We have already alerted the Mexican authorities. They intend to cooperate every way possible in bringing these fugitives to justice. Are you optimistic about the safety of the hostage they took in Abilene, Gloria Hill? +Are you optimistic about the safety of the hostage they took in Abilene, Gloria Hill? We've received no news one way or the other. We can only hope for the best. +We've received no news one way or the other. We can only hope for the best. What about the report from an eyewitness at the liquor store who said one of the brothers was shot? +What about the report from an eyewitness at the liquor store who said one of the brothers was shot? This can't be confirmed at this time, but we do believe it to be true. We have reason to believe it was the youngest brother Richard, and he was shot in the vicinity of his neck and shoulders by the store's clerk. +This can't be confirmed at this time, but we do believe it to be true. We have reason to believe it was the youngest brother Richard, and he was shot in the vicinity of his neck and shoulders by the store's clerk. Is it safe to assume that because the death count involved and the loss of life of law enforcement officers, that the Bureau, the Rangers and the police force are taking this manhunt personally? +Is it safe to assume that because the death count involved and the loss of life of law enforcement officers, that the Bureau, the Rangers and the police force are taking this manhunt personally? I would say that's a very safe assumption. +Hot goddamn day! Haven't felt it a bit. Been inside with the air conditioner blastin' all day long. +Haven't felt it a bit. Been inside with the air conditioner blastin' all day long. Not even for lunch? +Not even for lunch? I'm by myself today, ate my lunch outta the microwave. +Jesus Christ man, that microwave food will kill ya as quick as a bullet. Those burritos are only fit for a hippie high on weed. Pull me down a bottle of Jack Daniels. I'm gettin' tanked tonight. Whatsamatter? +Whatsamatter? Awww, it's just been a shitass day. Every inch of it hot and miserable. First off, Nadine at the Blue Chip got some sorta sick, so that Mongoloid boy of hers was workin' the grill. That fuckin' idiot don't know rat shit from Rice Krispies. I ate breakfast at nine, was pukin' up pigs in a blanket like a sick dog by ten thirty. +Awww, it's just been a shitass day. Every inch of it hot and miserable. First off, Nadine at the Blue Chip got some sorta sick, so that Mongoloid boy of hers was workin' the grill. That fuckin' idiot don't know rat shit from Rice Krispies. I ate breakfast at nine, was pukin' up pigs in a blanket like a sick dog by ten thirty. Isn't there a law or something against retards serving food to the public? +Isn't there a law or something against retards serving food to the public? Well, if there ain't there sure oughta be. Who knows what goes on inside Mongoloid's mind? +Well, if there ain't there sure oughta be. Who knows what goes on inside Mongoloid's mind? You could sue the shit out of her, ya know. That kid belongs under a circus tent, not flippin' burgers. You could own that fuckin' place. +You could sue the shit out of her, ya know. That kid belongs under a circus tent, not flippin' burgers. You could own that fuckin' place. What the hell would I do with that grease pit? Besides, Nadine's got enough of a cross to bear just taking care of that potato head. Then all this Abilene shit happened. You heard about that bank robbery in Abilene, didn't ya? +What the hell would I do with that grease pit? Besides, Nadine's got enough of a cross to bear just taking care of that potato head. Then all this Abilene shit happened. You heard about that bank robbery in Abilene, didn't ya? That's all that's been on the box all day. They killed some people didn't they? +That's all that's been on the box all day. They killed some people didn't they? Four Rangers, three cops, and two civilians. And they took a lady bank teller as a hostage. +They'll probably make a run for the border, which would bring 'em this way. And if we get our hands on those shit asses, we're talking payback time. We'll get 'em all right. I gotta piss. I'm gonna use your commode. Knock yourself out. +Yeah, and I'm gonna be right back at it tomorrow. So tonight I'm gonna sit in front of the box and just drink booze. How much is the bottle? Six-fifty. +What do you want from me? I did what you said. Letting him use your toilet? No store does that. +Letting him use your toilet? No store does that. He comes in here every day and we bullshit. He's used my toilet a thousand times. If I told him no, he'd know something was up. +He comes in here every day and we bullshit. He's used my toilet a thousand times. If I told him no, he'd know something was up. "I want that son-of-a-bitch out outta here, in his car, and down the road or you can change the name of this place to ""Benny's World of Blood.""" +Were you giving that pig signals? What? Are you kidding? I didn't do anything! +He says you were scratching. I wasn't scratching! +I wasn't scratching! You callin' him a liar? +I never said help us! Well that don't matter now, 'cause you got about two fuckin' seconds to live! Richie! +Whiskey! You can't come in here. +You can't come in here. What dya mean? +What dya mean? This is a private club. You're not welcome. +This is a private club. You're not welcome. Are you tellin' me I'm not good enough to drink here? +Are you tellin' me I'm not good enough to drink here? This bar is for bikers and truckers only. You, get out! +Best in Mexico. I kinda doubt that. We're grabbin' a table, send over a waitress to take our order. +What the fuck was that about? He signaled the Ranger. +What the fuck is wrong with you -- Seth, he did it. You were by the beer cooler with your back turned. I was by the magazines, I could see his face. And I saw him mouth: +Start the car. You believe me don't cha? +You believe me don't cha? Shut up and start the car. +Richie? You okay? "I'm not dead, but I'm definitely shot! I told you that bastard said, ""Help us!""" +Yeah? When I count three, shoot out the bottles behind him! +When I count three, shoot out the bottles behind him! Gotcha! +Gotcha! One... Two... Three. +What did I tell you? What did I tell you? Buy the road map and leave. What am I supposed to do, Seth? He recognized us. +What am I supposed to do, Seth? He recognized us. He didn't recognize shit. +Do they have cable? No. +No. Do they have an X-rated channel? +Do they have an X-rated channel? No. +No. Do they have a waterbed? +Do they have a waterbed? They don't have anything except four walls and a roof, and that's all we need. +How's it feel? How ya think, it hurts like a son-of- a-bitch. +I got both rooms on either side of us, so we don't gotta worry about eavesdropping assholes. How's that feel? You okay? Feels good. +Feels good. I'm gonna go get the money. +Hey, when you talk to him, see if you can arrange a better deal than thirty percent. That's their standard deal, brother. They ain't about to change it for us. +That's their standard deal, brother. They ain't about to change it for us. Did you even to try to negotiate? +Did you even to try to negotiate? "These guys ain't spic firecracker salesman from Tijuana. They don't even know the meaning of the word ""barter"". You wanna stay in El Ray? You give them thirty percent of your loot. It's scripture. So it is written, so shall it be done. You want sanctuary, you pay the price, and the price is thirty percent." +"These guys ain't spic firecracker salesman from Tijuana. They don't even know the meaning of the word ""barter"". You wanna stay in El Ray? You give them thirty percent of your loot. It's scripture. So it is written, so shall it be done. You want sanctuary, you pay the price, and the price is thirty percent." All I'm saying -- +All I'm saying -- -- This conversation is over. +Shit, I started to get worried. Where the fuck ya been? Sight seein'. +Sight seein'. What'd ya see? +What'd ya see? Cops. +Cops. Didya look at the border? +Yeah, I saw the border. Through binoculars from on top of a high building. That's about as close as I risked getting. What's the TV say? They're going to apprehend us in forty-eight hours. +I gotta figure a way to get across that goddamn border. Longer we fuck around El Paso our lives ain't worth a shit. Look, fuck the border. Let's just dig in and wait for things to cool down. +Look, fuck the border. Let's just dig in and wait for things to cool down. Richie, it's gonna get a lot fuckin' worse before it gets any fuckin' better. We showed our ass in Texas. We killed Texas fuckin' Rangers. They ain't gonna stop lookin' till they find us, and when they find us, they're gonna kill us. Texans take it very personal when ya kill their law enforcement officers. The El Paso police have already started a motel and hotel search for us. +Richie, it's gonna get a lot fuckin' worse before it gets any fuckin' better. We showed our ass in Texas. We killed Texas fuckin' Rangers. They ain't gonna stop lookin' till they find us, and when they find us, they're gonna kill us. Texans take it very personal when ya kill their law enforcement officers. The El Paso police have already started a motel and hotel search for us. How do you know? +How do you know? I heard it on the radio. We gotta get our asses into Mexico tonight. Carlos is gonna meet us tomorrow morning at a rendezvous on the other side, then Carlos and his boys will escort us to El Ray and -- +Where's the woman? What? +What'd ya mean, what? The fuckin' woman, the hostage. Where the fuck is she, Richard!? She's in the other room. +She's in the other room. What the fuck is she doin' there?! +Yeah, explain it to me. I need an explanation. What's the matter with you? There's nothing wrong with me, brother. That woman tried to escape and I did what I had to do. +There's nothing wrong with me, brother. That woman tried to escape and I did what I had to do. No. That woman wouldn't of said shit if she had a mouthful. +No. That woman wouldn't of said shit if she had a mouthful. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! Once you left, she became a whole different person. +Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! Once you left, she became a whole different person. Is it me? Is it my fault? +Is it me? Is it my fault? It's not your fault, it's her fault! +Is this my fault? Do you think this is what I am? What? +What? This is not me! I am a professional fucking thief. I steal money. You try to stop me, god help you. But I don't kill people I don't have to, and I don't rape women. What you doin' ain't how it's done. Do you understand? +This is not me! I am a professional fucking thief. I steal money. You try to stop me, god help you. But I don't kill people I don't have to, and I don't rape women. What you doin' ain't how it's done. Do you understand? Seth, if you were me -- +Seth, if you were me -- Just say yes! Nothing else, just say yes. +Just say yes! Nothing else, just say yes. Yes. +Yes. Yes, Seth, I understand. +Yes, Seth, I understand. Yes, Seth, I understand. +Richard! What? +This isn't gonna work. Shut up. It's gonna work just fine, +Shut up. It's gonna work just fine, I just want to go on record as saying this is a bad idea. +I just want to go on record as saying this is a bad idea. Duly noted. Now, shut up. +They're gonna search the van. As long as you don't act like a fuckin' nut, we'll be just fine. +As long as you don't act like a fuckin' nut, we'll be just fine. What does that mean? +What does that mean? What? +You just called me a fuckin' nut. No, I didn't. +No, I didn't. Yes, you did. You said as long as I don't act like a fuckin' nut, implying that I've been acting like a fuckin' nut. +Yes, you did. You said as long as I don't act like a fuckin' nut, implying that I've been acting like a fuckin' nut. Take a pill, kid. I just meant stay cool. +Take a pill, kid. I just meant stay cool. You meant that, but you meant the other, too. +This ain't the time, Richard. Fuck those spic pigs! You called me a fuckin' nut, and where I come from, that stops the train on its tracks. +Fuck those spic pigs! You called me a fuckin' nut, and where I come from, that stops the train on its tracks. Keep your voice down. +Keep your voice down. Or what? +I'm curious. What was the nuttiest thing I did? This ain't the time. +This ain't the time. Oh, I know, was it possibly when your ass was rotting in jail and I broke it out? Yeah, you're right, that was pretty fuckin' nutty. Not to mention stupid. But you know what? I can fix that right now. +You okay? Yeah, I think so. What happened? +Yeah, I think so. What happened? I don't know, you just passed out. +I don't know, you just passed out. I did? +I did? Yeah, we were just standing there. You said something about your shoulder hurting, then you just hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. +Yeah, we were just standing there. You said something about your shoulder hurting, then you just hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. Really? +Really? Yeah, when you fell your head smacked the toilet hard. It scared the shit outta me. Sure you're okay? +Yeah, when you fell your head smacked the toilet hard. It scared the shit outta me. Sure you're okay? Yeah, I guess. I'm just a little fucked up. +Yeah, I guess. I'm just a little fucked up. Well, let me tell ya something, gonna clear your head right up. We are officially Mexicans. +Well, let me tell ya something, gonna clear your head right up. We are officially Mexicans. What? +What? "We are... ""South of the border down Mexico way.""" +"We are... ""South of the border down Mexico way.""" We are? +We are? Yep. We're heading for the rendezvous right now. We get there, we pound booze till Carlos shows up, he escorts us to El Ray. And then me and you, brother, kick fuckin' back. How ya like them apples? +Far out. Where are my glasses? They broke when you fell. +They broke when you fell. Oh, fuck, Seth, that's my only pair! +Oh, fuck, Seth, that's my only pair! Don't worry about it, we'll get you some glasses. +Don't worry about it, we'll get you some glasses. What dya mean, don't worry about it. Of course I'm gonna worry about it, I can't fuckin' see. +What dya mean, don't worry about it. Of course I'm gonna worry about it, I can't fuckin' see. When we get to El Ray, I'll take care of it. +When we get to El Ray, I'll take care of it. Yeah, like a Mexican hole-in-the- wall's gonna have my fuckin' prescription. +Yeah, like a Mexican hole-in-the- wall's gonna have my fuckin' prescription. It's not a big deal, unless you make it a big deal. Now, I'm real happy, Richie, stop bringing me down with bullshit. +That's what you think? That's how you're lookin', Richie. +That's how you're lookin', Richie. I'm lookin' scared? +I'm lookin' scared? That's what you look like. +That's what you look like. You know what you look like? +You know what you look like? No, Richie, what do I look like? +No, Richie, what do I look like? You're lookin' green. +How? Where are you right now? +Where are you right now? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Where are you? +Where are you? I'm here with you. +I'm here with you. No, you're not. You're sippin' margaritas in El Ray. But we're not in El Ray. We're here -- getting ready to go in there. You're so pleased with yourself about getting into Mexico, you think the job's down. It ain't. Get back on the clock. That's a fuck-with-you-bar. We hang around there for a coupla hours, in all likelihood, we'll get fucked with. So get your shit together, brother. +No, you're not. You're sippin' margaritas in El Ray. But we're not in El Ray. We're here -- getting ready to go in there. You're so pleased with yourself about getting into Mexico, you think the job's down. It ain't. Get back on the clock. That's a fuck-with-you-bar. We hang around there for a coupla hours, in all likelihood, we'll get fucked with. So get your shit together, brother. My shit is together. +My shit is together. It don't look together. +It don't look together. Well, it is. Just because I'm happy doesn't mean I'm on vacation. You're just not used to seein' me happy, 'cause it's been about fifteen fuckin' years since I been happy. But my shit is forever together. +Earth to Richie. Don't you wanna ask your new friend to join us? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, then ask her, dumb ass. +Well, then ask her, dumb ass. Por favor, Senorita. Would you care to join us? +How are you? Scarred for life, that's how I am! +How 'bout you? You are safer in here with us than wandering around a Mexican border town all night long. Just don't do nothin' stupid and we'll all get along fine. Scotty, you sure you don't want a drink? Okay, I'll have one. +In that camper out there I saw a guitar. I take it that's yours. Yeah, it's mine. +Yeah, it's mine. Go out and bring it in. I feel a song coming on. +You could take their head off. Actually, our best weapon against these satanic cocksuckers is this man. He's a preacher. +He's right, Kate. Daddy's dead! He was too far away. If flinging that door and filling this room with those bat-things would save him, I'd fling it. The only thing it'll do is turn us into one of them. He needs our help! +He needs our help! He's beyond our help. You saw him get bit. I saw him get bit. We all saw it. You can't help him. I've got no one left to lose but you. I can't be alone again. We're sticking together. +B.O.Q., south side. Take a starboard tack out the door. Thank you, ensign. +Thank you, ensign. No problem, lieutenant. +They take you away to San Clemente Island. Half the guys quit when they come back. Supposed to be just hell-and-a-half. That's what I hear. +That's what I hear. Can I ask you somethin', lieutenant? How come you're doing this? I mean, we're kinda curious. +Can I ask you somethin', lieutenant? How come you're doing this? I mean, we're kinda curious. "Who's ""we""?" +"Who's ""we""?" Just some of the women. +"I don't know if there's any single reason. But my father was Navy. And he had this old-time recruiting poster in his den. It showed a girl trying on a sailor's uniform while saying, ""Gee, I wish I were a man! I'd join the Navy!"" Was maybe 10 years old when I first saw it, and even then it felt wrong. Made me mad. And I don't think a month has gone by that I haven't thought about that poster. ""Gee, I wish I were a man.""" I've been accused of that wish. +I've been accused of that wish. The woman I saw you with... +The woman I saw you with... Just a friend. We have friends, too, you know. +Just a friend. We have friends, too, you know. But are there... I mean, how many... +But are there... I mean, how many... More than you'd guess. It's just that we don't hold coffee klatches. If more then three of us get together at any one time, the guys think it's some kind of uprising. +Administration, Ensign Blondell. Don't say my name. +Don't say my name. Who's... Lieuten -- +Who's... Lieuten -- Or rank. But can you do me a favor and pull a transfer order? +Or rank. But can you do me a favor and pull a transfer order? Okay, but... You didn't have to do what you did. Not for me. +Okay, but... You didn't have to do what you did. Not for me. """Wickwire, Thomas Dane."" See what you can find." +Got it. "Who signed as his ""sponsoring officer""?" +"Who signed as his ""sponsoring officer""?" "Uh... don't see it. There's no signature. But hang on -- there's a note to ""See Addendum."" Checking..." +Wow... What'd you find, Kathy? +Commander, are you of the habit of letting photographers traipse around your base snappin' their fill? These were supposed to have been discreet test cases -- Senator, they stand out on the public highway with telephoto lenses -- +Senator, they stand out on the public highway with telephoto lenses -- "-- and now I got reporters from Toadsquat, Iowa, calling my office and askin' what I know about this ""G.I. Jane"" thing." +"-- and now I got reporters from Toadsquat, Iowa, calling my office and askin' what I know about this ""G.I. Jane"" thing." -- nothing I can do about it unless you're suggesting I infringe on their civil liberties -- which I'd happily do if you'll just trim a little fat off the Constitution. +-- nothing I can do about it unless you're suggesting I infringe on their civil liberties -- which I'd happily do if you'll just trim a little fat off the Constitution. Are you truly mouthin' off to a senior member of the Senate Arms Committee? I mean, I'll give you points for style -- just nothin' for smarts. +"Well, seein's how this thing is out, you let me handle the r.p.m. From this point forward, I want all press matters coordinated via my office. I'll be god-damned if I'm gonna watch Hayes pull flowers out of his ass and take credit for this one. Him or the President. This my shade? ""Midnight Mahogany""? 'Cuz I'm comin' dangerously close to lookin' like Ronald Reagan here." Your prerogative, Senator. +Your prerogative, Senator. Awright. How's our girl doin', anyway? +Awright. How's our girl doin', anyway? Standing right here in my office. +Standing right here in my office. Jordan, dear. How are they treating you? +Uh, V.I.P. security arrangements generally take some time, Senator. """Security""? What the hell you talkin' about? Your base isn't secure?" +"""Security""? What the hell you talkin' about? Your base isn't secure?" Of course, but there's more -- +Of course, but there's more -- Then set out the good plates, we'll all have lunch. My office will follow up with details. Jumping off, now... +Yes, of course. Please, have a seat, lieutenant... Thank you, sir. +Thank you, sir. Would you care for a beverage? Tea? +Would you care for a beverage? Tea? I'm fine, sir. +I'm fine, sir. So. We're still coming to terms with the exact protocol for this -- for integrating the Spec-Recon training. It may not always be smooth, but we're trying to make it as painless as possible for you. +So. We're still coming to terms with the exact protocol for this -- for integrating the Spec-Recon training. It may not always be smooth, but we're trying to make it as painless as possible for you. Thank you, sir. But I expect a certain amount of pain. +Barber was my next stop, sir. Would've had it regulation sooner, only -- Don't worry about it. If it's off your collar and out of your eyes, that's all I'm going to ask. +Don't worry about it. If it's off your collar and out of your eyes, that's all I'm going to ask. Really, I have no problem with -- +Really, I have no problem with -- I'm not out to change your sex, lieutenant. You'll have separate beds, separate heads. If you have specific medical needs, inform the infirmary. If a classmate or superior acts in an harassing or otherwise unbecoming manner, please inform me immediately so I can deal with it immediately. Questions? +I'm not out to change your sex, lieutenant. You'll have separate beds, separate heads. If you have specific medical needs, inform the infirmary. If a classmate or superior acts in an harassing or otherwise unbecoming manner, please inform me immediately so I can deal with it immediately. Questions? None at this time, sir. +None at this time, sir. Then that's all I have to say. Dismissed. +Sir, I just want you to know... I'm not here to make a statement. I don't want to make men look foolish. All I care about is completing the training and getting operational experience -- just like everyone else, I suspect. If you were like everyone else, lieutenant, I suspect we wouldn't be making statements about not making statements, would we? Take your leave. +Pardon the hour, sir. But you told me to come to you immediately if I felt I was being mistreated in any way. Didn't take long. +All right, lieutenant, give me a name and specifics, I'll have the X.O. file an action first thing in the morning. A name? It's you, sir. And it started the day I came here. +It's you, sir. And it started the day I came here. Oh, really. +Oh, really. It's this double-standard, the separate quarters, the deferential treatment. It's how you pulled out my chair and nearly served high tea the first time we met. +It's this double-standard, the separate quarters, the deferential treatment. It's how you pulled out my chair and nearly served high tea the first time we met. Because I was civil, now you're complaining. +Because I was civil, now you're complaining. "I can't afford civility, sir. How am I supposed to fit in with these guys when you've got me set up as an outsider? Even if I make it under these rules, I still lose, because there'll always be a flag in my file -- ""Yeah, she made it, but..."" I mean, really -- why didn't you just issue me a goddamn petticoat to wear around the base?" +"I can't afford civility, sir. How am I supposed to fit in with these guys when you've got me set up as an outsider? Even if I make it under these rules, I still lose, because there'll always be a flag in my file -- ""Yeah, she made it, but..."" I mean, really -- why didn't you just issue me a goddamn petticoat to wear around the base?" Did you just have a brain-fart? +Did you just have a brain-fart? Pardon? +Pardon? Did you just barge in here and curse at your base commander? If so, I regard that as a bonafide brain- fart, and I resent it when people fart inside my home. +Did you just barge in here and curse at your base commander? If so, I regard that as a bonafide brain- fart, and I resent it when people fart inside my home. I think you've resented me from the start, sir. +What I resent, lieutenant, is some politician using my base as a test tube for her grand social experiment. What I resent is the sensitivity training that is now mandatory for my men... the day-care center I have to build where an officer's lounge used to be... and the OB/GYN I have to keep on staff just so someone can keep track of your personal pap smears. But most of all, lieutenant, I resent your perfume, however subtle it may be, competing with the aroma of my fine three-dollar-and-fifty- nine cent cigar, which I will happily put out this very instant if the phallic nature of it happens to offend your goddamn fragile sensibilities. DOES IT? No, sir. +No, sir. No, sir, WHAT? +No, sir, WHAT? The shape doesn't bother me. It's just that goddamn rotten stench. +Well. 'Least now we're talking the same language. So one standard. Is that what you're after? Same rules for everyone, sir. +Same rules for everyone, sir. Straight up? +Straight up? Across the board, sir. +Across the board, sir. And if you just happen to wash out, I won't have to contend with you bitchin' to some hairy-chested female Senator? And please note I did not identify any one in particular. +And if you just happen to wash out, I won't have to contend with you bitchin' to some hairy-chested female Senator? And please note I did not identify any one in particular. Wouldn't dream of it, sir. +Then good night. So I'll get a fair shot? +So I'll get a fair shot? You'll get everything you want, O'Neil. Let's see if you want what you're gonna get. +See me, sir? You makin' friends with the press, lieutenant? +Sir, I want you to know that I had nothing to do with any of this. Not this article, not -- """We'll all have lunch."" Good idea. Oh, and let's be sure to invite this sociologist, too -- just in case we want to have a FUCKING BRIDGE GAME AFTERWARDS!" +Permission to leave, sir? Permission to evaporate, O'Neil. +"I don't know of any delicate way to say this, lieutenant, so I won't try. Claims have been made that you have engaged in fraternization -- of the same-sex variety. Specifically, that you were... ""... seen leaving the apartment of another female officer at such a time and in such a manner as to suggest conduct unbecoming.""" Sir, if someone is suggesting that I'm a lesbian, they're wrong. +I'm saying, we're just friends. I find this as distasteful as you, lieutenant. But if it's on my desk, it's on my shoulders. There's going to be an inquiry -- it will not be quick and it will definitely not be pretty. You should prepare yourself. +I find this as distasteful as you, lieutenant. But if it's on my desk, it's on my shoulders. There's going to be an inquiry -- it will not be quick and it will definitely not be pretty. You should prepare yourself. Sir, please... if there's any way to do this without dragging everyone through the mud... +Sir, please... if there's any way to do this without dragging everyone through the mud... I don't see how, O'Neil. Dismissed. +Sir. If tomorrow... I was not under your command... would the inquiry still go forward? I'm not sure what -- +I'm not sure what -- Would you have the discretion to end it right then and there? +Well, if you had to go over my head, lieutenant, that's the way to do it. Christ, nothin' like a 0-200 call from the Commander and Chief to get the bowels movin'. Sir? What did he say? +Sir? What did he say? Basically -- he asked me if I could unring a bell. +Aw, what is this... Sir... +Ah, c'mon... Motherachrist... +Fine by me, sir! No problem, sir! +Newberry, get a photo. South? Entering my scan now... +Entering my scan now... West? +Shit. Think we're had. Smoke her. +Smoke her. I ain't gonna shoot her. +I ain't gonna shoot her. Only blanks. Lemme do it. +Only blanks. Lemme do it. Hey. Ain't your call, man. +Banditos on the east perimeter! 150 yards! Shit, she was part of it! Fuck me. +What, we're gonna pry 'em out with paddles? O'Neil. Our air's gonna crap out as soon as we get down there. You know that, don't you? +White House boys want a private meeting. I'll act surprised. +Think I overplayed it? Congress and the Pentagon share a lot of plumbing. They'll never know whose leak it is. +Yes? Did you hear? +Did you hear? She made it through S.E.R.E. training. Got a call this morning from -- +She made it through S.E.R.E. training. Got a call this morning from -- Not that. The White House just announced that it was sponsoring legislation that would, in one stroke, void all remaining elements of the 1948 Combat Exclusion Laws. +... last few years have brought many advances in the interests of women in naval service, particularly in the land-based maritime specialties. What's more, the Navy has instituted special sensitivity courses with an eye on -- "Whoa, whoa, whoa. ""Land-based maritime specialties."" Gimme a second here to de-euphemize that..." +Hardly the case, Senator. Well, I'm just an old dame without much time left, so you'll pardon me if I jump right in here before they discontinue my blood-type. I am deeply concerned over the Navy's seemingly incontrovertible attitude toward women in the military. Case in point... +"""The Lark Report.""" Madam Senator... this is an internal document of the U.S. Navy. I must seriously question whether -- +Madam Senator... this is an internal document of the U.S. Navy. I must seriously question whether -- The Navy's conclusion regarding the crash of an F-14 aboard an aircraft carrier. Female aviator, it just so happens. You're familiar with this report and its conclusion, am I right? +The Navy's conclusion regarding the crash of an F-14 aboard an aircraft carrier. Female aviator, it just so happens. You're familiar with this report and its conclusion, am I right? I was one member of the investigating commission. +I was one member of the investigating commission. "Yes, I see your signature right here -- twice the size of everyone else's. And your conclusion was ""pilot error,"" hmm?" +"Yes, I see your signature right here -- twice the size of everyone else's. And your conclusion was ""pilot error,"" hmm?" I'm really not prepared for any kind of in-depth review of -- +I'm really not prepared for any kind of in-depth review of -- I'd like to think our next Secretary of the Navy would be prepared for anything, Mr. Hayes. +The commission concluded that the aviator in question failed to execute a proper approach to the carrier. That aside for the moment, I'm struck by the tenor, the ill-spirit of your report... the degrading remarks by other aviators... innuendo about her performance in unrelated situations... even a reference to her sexual activity the weekend prior. In my seven years on this committee, I've never seen a downed aviator treated like this. Never. I'm deeply disturbed by this report, Mr. Hayes. Not just what it bodes for women in the military -- but for your own confirmation as well. +So everyone I talk to says you're top drawer with silk stockings inside. Thank you, ma'am. Um, may I ask what this is regarding? +Thank you, ma'am. Um, may I ask what this is regarding? High-school pentathlete... ROTC scholarship, graduated with honors... top marks in Basic Training... and, as it just so happens, a constituent of my home state of Virginia. Oh, the things I'll do for one extra vote. +"""Coronado.""" California. +California. I know that, sir. Ma'am. It's just that... Beggin' your pardon, Senator, but... do you understand that this involves combat training? +I know that, sir. Ma'am. It's just that... Beggin' your pardon, Senator, but... do you understand that this involves combat training? This is just a test case, O'Neil. But if it works out -- if you work out -- it could well change the Navy's official policy on women in combat. Or, actually, its official non-policy. Now who's your immediate superior there? +This is just a test case, O'Neil. But if it works out -- if you work out -- it could well change the Navy's official policy on women in combat. Or, actually, its official non-policy. Now who's your immediate superior there? Captain Dwyer. Technically. +Captain Dwyer. Technically. My office will fill him in and help expedite. Look forward to meeting you at the proper time. Jumping off now... +My office will fill him in and help expedite. Look forward to meeting you at the proper time. Jumping off now... Uh, question, ma'am. +Uh, question, ma'am. Yes, dear. +Yes, dear. Would I be the only one? The only woman? +Would I be the only one? The only woman? There'll be more to follow -- but yes, dear, right now you're the pick of a very large litter. And your success would mean a lot. Jumping, now... +Can't complain, ma'am. Hmmm. Maybe I'll ask when I see you in person. +Hmmm. Maybe I'll ask when I see you in person. Uh, ma'am. +Uh, ma'am. Gonna be visiting that all-woman's America's cup team in a few weeks -- If I were a gambler, I'd say Dennis O'Conner's days are numbered. But they're in San Diego, so I thought I'd take a quick promenade of the base. +Jordan. I always hoped we'd get together -- though just now I'm gearing up for a child-care vote that -- Lieutenant Thomas Wickwire. +You know him. Sounds familiar. +Sounds familiar. It should. You nominated him for Spec-Recon just three days after you nominated me. +It should. You nominated him for Spec-Recon just three days after you nominated me. Jordan. Might we do this over lunch tomorrow? I do very much want to talk, but now is scarcely -- +Jordan. Might we do this over lunch tomorrow? I do very much want to talk, but now is scarcely -- Did you set me up? Did you set me up just to see me fail? +Did you set me up? Did you set me up just to see me fail? Absolutely not. +Wickwire was there to help. To be my eyes on the inside, to make sure you were getting a fair shot. At least that was the intent. What changed? +What changed? Should probably ask him that. +Should probably ask him that. If I have to ask again, Senator, I'll be asking in front of cameras. +So? Isn't the President jumping on your bandwagon? What he did was light the bandwagon on fire. Because he knows what I know -- that American families are not prepared to put their daughters in harm's way. +What he did was light the bandwagon on fire. Because he knows what I know -- that American families are not prepared to put their daughters in harm's way. You don't know that. +You don't know that. In face, I do: Roper, Harris, Gallop -- they all come back the same. +In face, I do: Roper, Harris, Gallop -- they all come back the same. What are you saying? That a women's life is more valuable than a man's? That a women's death hurts a family more? +What are you saying? That a women's life is more valuable than a man's? That a women's death hurts a family more? I'm saying it's not going to happen. Not when the President is set to turn this into a third-rail issue should I choose to ever campaign against him. He will fry me six ways to Sunday for sending daughters and young mothers off to war -- and, quite possibly, for bringing them back in body bags. +You were never going to let women serve in combat. You always had a safety net. Or thought you did. Jordan. I don't expect you to fully understand this -- but sometimes there's more to be gained from the fight than the victory. +Jordan. I don't expect you to fully understand this -- but sometimes there's more to be gained from the fight than the victory. So the rhetoric gets you headlines. But the reality gets you in trouble. +So the rhetoric gets you headlines. But the reality gets you in trouble. The reality is this: We send far too many men off to war. I don't need to compound the problem with women. Can you honestly tell me you wanted that life? Squat-pissing in some third-world jungle with -- +The reality is this: We send far too many men off to war. I don't need to compound the problem with women. Can you honestly tell me you wanted that life? Squat-pissing in some third-world jungle with -- I wanted the choice. The chance to prove myself, my skills, my work, me. That's how it should've been. +I once promised you a fast ticket, Jordan, and I always meant to make good on that. Come work for me. I can always use a hard-charger on my team. You promise Wickwire a fast ticket, too? +You promise Wickwire a fast ticket, too? I've had no direct communication with him since this whole thing began. And that's quite verifiable. +I've had no direct communication with him since this whole thing began. And that's quite verifiable. I'm sure it is. +I'm sure it is. You'll think about my offer? +You'll think about my offer? You know, I wonder what the SecNav would think about it. If I spoke with him. +You know, I wonder what the SecNav would think about it. If I spoke with him. Well, I spoke with Mr. Hayes this morning myself -- and told him the deal was off. No more test cases. He was only too happy to oblige. Don't play politics with me, little darlin'. You'd be up way past your bedtime. +So she picks the women, we pick the programs. Seals? I'd go Special Reconnaissance. Every bit as tough -- and we have a 60 percent drop-out rate among the men. +I'd go Special Reconnaissance. Every bit as tough -- and we have a 60 percent drop-out rate among the men. Then I suggest we start there. +Then I suggest we start there. Doesn't matter who she picks. No woman is going to last one week in a commando training course. And I don't care who it is. +What the hell is the President trying to do? Steal DeHaven's thunder? I think it's more important, sir, to decide what we're going to do -- since it's apparent this issue is not going away quietly. +I think it's more important, sir, to decide what we're going to do -- since it's apparent this issue is not going away quietly. """G.I. Jane."" And which one of you told me she wouldn't last a week? Huh?" +"Montgomery, why do they call you ""Flea""?" "It's really ""F. Lee Montgomery"" -- but that gets whittled down to just ""Flea."" For short, ma'am." +"It's really ""F. Lee Montgomery"" -- but that gets whittled down to just ""Flea."" For short, ma'am." So it really has nothing to do with actual brain size? +So it really has nothing to do with actual brain size? No, ma'am. +No, ma'am. Well, Flea, I appreciate the respect you just showed me. But I don't need it and don't want it -- not that kind of respect, anyway. It's just gonna hurt us both, okay? +Well, Flea, I appreciate the respect you just showed me. But I don't need it and don't want it -- not that kind of respect, anyway. It's just gonna hurt us both, okay? I'll work on it, ma'am. +I'll work on it, ma'am. Do that. +Hey. You okay, Flea? 'Snot me. It's him. +Really don't wanna be captured, el- tee. Heard some bad things. Fuck. Basher-Basher, this is Ground Crew Six requesting emergency extraction. Stand by for a PRC fix... +Close as I can get, el-tee! Flea, 'Cool, Cortez, Newman -- take your minis, hit the water. Go, GO! +Six o'clock! Marking, marking! Spotted you, Chief. Pri One is to slip you some air, so we're coming down with a tank -- just something until the A-team shows. Over. +Don't have to use it, O'Neil, but it's gotta go out. Five... four... three... I can make this wall without -- +I can make this wall without -- ... two... one... MARK! +Just do it, okay? If you can't feel the other guy's pecker, you ain't in tight enough! I want nuts to butts! +If you can't feel the other guy's pecker, you ain't in tight enough! I want nuts to butts! Come on, Montgomery... +Come on, Montgomery... Flea! O'Neil! Why is there a break in that line? +O'Neil? Sir? +Sir? You're wanted at the C.O.'s. +Time. Check your watch, Pyro. Seems fast. +Miller. Thought the guy was made of depleted uranium. Really didn't expect to lose him. Every class has its surprises, Pyro. This one'll be no different. +Boat Five -- Wickwire, Cozad, Vinyl, Intagliata, Ayers, and Wise. Lieutenant Wickwire is your senior officer. Follow his orders to your death. Get it up! +You don't think she'd be raped if she were captured? You don't think the threat of rape would be used to leverage the men? You broke a dozen training rules back there -- before I lost count. +You broke a dozen training rules back there -- before I lost count. I've had it. Just because they pay me like a baby-sitter doesn't mean I'm gonna be one. +I've had it. Just because they pay me like a baby-sitter doesn't mean I'm gonna be one. She's a trainee, just like the others. Why are you coming down so hard? +She's a trainee, just like the others. Why are you coming down so hard? She's an officer. There's a higher standard. +She's an officer. There's a higher standard. She's a women, and that's why you're ridin' her bareback. +She's a women, and that's why you're ridin' her bareback. Of course it is. And I'm gonna stay on her until everyone realizes this is not some bullshit equal-rights thing, that real lives are gonna be lost. Maybe mine, maybe yours. +Of course it is. And I'm gonna stay on her until everyone realizes this is not some bullshit equal-rights thing, that real lives are gonna be lost. Maybe mine, maybe yours. I oughtta report you. +I oughtta report you. I think you probably would -- if you didn't know I was right. +Thank you, sir. But I like these just fine. Not doin' them very fine, O'Neil. +Not doin' them very fine, O'Neil. I'll try anyway, sir. +I'll try anyway, sir. You'll try what we tell you to try, O'Neil. Go regulation. +"Automatic five-second deduction, which slips you under the wire. It's called ""gender-norming,"" O'Neil -- standard procedure for all females in physical training courses. Where you been the last few years?" "What ""all females""? If I'm the only --" +The Navy Cross... I believe he earned it for saving a man's life in Saudi Arabia. He wanted you to have it. He was very clear on that point. +I believe he earned it for saving a man's life in Saudi Arabia. He wanted you to have it. He was very clear on that point. I was looking for him earlier, but... +I was looking for him earlier, but... The Chief was granted early retirement as of 17-hundred yesterday. By 18-hundred he was gone. Out of the Navy. +The Chief was granted early retirement as of 17-hundred yesterday. By 18-hundred he was gone. Out of the Navy. Just a coincidence? +Just a coincidence? Maybe it's not my place to speculate on his private thoughts. But I think the Chief knew that his way -- his world -- had come and gone. +Lieutenant O'Neil. Gotta situation here. Where are you? Stuck in traffic? +Gotta situation here. Where are you? Stuck in traffic? Not due in for 22 minutes, sir. Watcha got? +Do we know it's him using the beacon? Not a decoy? Signals received only sparingly, in such a pattern that leads us to conclude it is a downed aviator trying to conserve his batteries. +Signals received only sparingly, in such a pattern that leads us to conclude it is a downed aviator trying to conserve his batteries. Chances of recovery? +Chances of recovery? You're the analyst for East China, O'Neil. Analyze. +North Korean beaches are the best protected, most heavily monitored in the world. The civilian population is so propagandized that it acts as an Early Warning system. Extraction team has to be small and silent -- I'd go with Seals over Delta Force. Problem is, don't want to hold a conventional sub off-shore for target practice. Where's The Polk? Halfway 'round the world. So that's the problem -- we can get the team in, just not out. +Halfway 'round the world. So that's the problem -- we can get the team in, just not out. Unless you Whiskey Run. +Unless you Whiskey Run. Blank faces here, O'Neil. +Blank faces here, O'Neil. Quick-hit technique used by Capone. Rigged a getaway car with running boards and handles. All his guys had to do was jump on and take a ride. Check the files -- DPRK-57 -- I doped it out as a contingency plan: Seal Team infiltrates, picks up the package, links up with recovery sub. But don't waste time opening and closing hatches. They just grab the periscope and hang on for neutral waters. +You expect the extraction team to ride the sub bare-back? Is that correct, O'Neil? Only four minutes to neutral waters, sir. Why not? +That was good headwork, lieutenant. Thank you, sir. We hear back from the Pentagon? +Thank you, sir. We hear back from the Pentagon? Probably hear back from CNN first. +Probably hear back from CNN first. Hate this part. Just sweating it out on the sidelines. +Hate this part. Just sweating it out on the sidelines. Intel has its own glory, lieutenant -- no matter how subtle. +By the way, I'll need that option paper by 11-hundred today so I can review it with Admiral Hanover. And do we have any of that breakfast tea around here? Is this my glory, sir? +So why're you even considering it? Are you? Just like you would be. +Just like you would be. Spec-Recon. Those guys are world- class warriors. And they will not want you there, Jordan. +Spec-Recon. Those guys are world- class warriors. And they will not want you there, Jordan. I take it you don't either. Feet. +Well, you're doin' shit-hot at Intel. Royce. We're the same age, we started the same time -- and now you're sitting in the upperdecks while I'm still down in the bullpen. What does that tell you about the Navy? +Royce. We're the same age, we started the same time -- and now you're sitting in the upperdecks while I'm still down in the bullpen. What does that tell you about the Navy? She's haze grey and underway... +She's haze grey and underway... You need operational duty to really advance... you need combat training to go operational... yet combat training is off-limits to people with tits. I'm topped out at Intel. Forget the glass ceiling -- I'm beating my head on a big brass ceiling. +You need operational duty to really advance... you need combat training to go operational... yet combat training is off-limits to people with tits. I'm topped out at Intel. Forget the glass ceiling -- I'm beating my head on a big brass ceiling. So dump on me. +So dump on me. This has nothing to do with you. +This has nothing to do with you. Well, guess I don't even need to be here... +Well, guess I don't even need to be here... Get your dick back here. It has everything to do with you. +Get your dick back here. It has everything to do with you. You're such a ball-breaker sometimes. Especially at night. +You're such a ball-breaker sometimes. Especially at night. Sorry. But after our days... So if I try this thing... if I ship out to Coronado... what happens here? +Sorry. But after our days... So if I try this thing... if I ship out to Coronado... what happens here? I'll try to keep the door open. If you wash out, I make it so that -- +I'll try to keep the door open. If you wash out, I make it so that -- Wai', wait. What happens if it works? Four months of training, three years of operational duty. What then? +Wai', wait. What happens if it works? Four months of training, three years of operational duty. What then? I don't feel like doing an option paper on the rest of my life, Jordan. Maybe we should just let it happen. +I don't feel like doing an option paper on the rest of my life, Jordan. Maybe we should just let it happen. Which is guy-speak for... +Which is guy-speak for... Sounded lame as soon as it came out of my mouth. But I'm trying to be honest, okay? Three years is a long time. Don't ask me to predict how I'll feel then, Jordan, because I don't know. And either do you. +Sounded lame as soon as it came out of my mouth. But I'm trying to be honest, okay? Three years is a long time. Don't ask me to predict how I'll feel then, Jordan, because I don't know. And either do you. You know, right up until you said that -- I thought I did know. +Jordan... Thank you, Royce. It was shaping up like such a tough call -- and then you go and make it so goddamn easy. Really, thank you so much. +I've been trying you for five days. Don't they give you messages? It's hard to find time to sleep, Royce. Much less keep up with my phone life. +It's hard to find time to sleep, Royce. Much less keep up with my phone life. How hard they making it on you? +That bad? I feel like there's men here, there's women here -- then there's men. But hey, what'd I expect? +Well, not this. I was doing the Pentagon scene few nights ago. Got some fresh stuff -- about you. You may be in a hostile camp. I think someone may be taking steps to ensure that you crash and burn. Me? Why me? +Me? Why me? Don't you know? How they're talking about you? +Don't you know? How they're talking about you? I saw an article... +I saw an article... "I can't walk two blocks in Washington without hearing about ""G.I. Jane."" You're all over the place, and whether you wanted it or not, the feminists are sizing you up for that poster." +So why are you telling me this? Big symbols make big targets, Jordan. I think someone's gunning for you. +Big symbols make big targets, Jordan. I think someone's gunning for you. You know, Royce, I got enough heat on me without you turning up the jets, too. +You know, Royce, I got enough heat on me without you turning up the jets, too. I'm only trying to warn you in case -- +I'm only trying to warn you in case -- Well, let me warm you: I'm going though with this. The more everybody fucks with me, fucks with my head, the more it just makes me want to finish. So don't expect me back crying in your arms any time soon, okay? +Well, let me warm you: I'm going though with this. The more everybody fucks with me, fucks with my head, the more it just makes me want to finish. So don't expect me back crying in your arms any time soon, okay? That's not what I want, Jordan. I mean... it is and it isn't... +That's not what I want, Jordan. I mean... it is and it isn't... Still can't make up your mind, huh? Gotta go, Royce. +Still can't make up your mind, huh? Gotta go, Royce. Jordan. You watch your ass. +Jordan. You watch your ass. Sure. I'll join the crowd. +All I wanted was an honest chance. And If I couldn't get it, I couldn't stay. "And this class officer... ""Wickwire."" You think he was just trying to get even? Striking back for..." +"And this class officer... ""Wickwire."" You think he was just trying to get even? Striking back for..." Maybe. Though it didn't seem like he was getting any satisfaction out of it. Almost like... Did I say he was class officer? +Maybe. Though it didn't seem like he was getting any satisfaction out of it. Almost like... Did I say he was class officer? Almost like someone put him up to it. Okay, who? +Almost like someone put him up to it. Okay, who? No shortage of suspects. +No shortage of suspects. The Chief? Or maybe even Turrentine? Your C.O.? +C'mon, Jordan. Do the headwork with me. It's done with, Royce. Let it go. +It's done with, Royce. Let it go. Someone screwed you over like this, left unanswered charges hanging over your head, and you're not gonna fight back? +Someone screwed you over like this, left unanswered charges hanging over your head, and you're not gonna fight back? I'm tired of fighting back. I just wanted to come home and be safe and have you here and the river there and just forget the rest of the world, okay? +I'm tired of fighting back. I just wanted to come home and be safe and have you here and the river there and just forget the rest of the world, okay? Well, before you crawl off to die, Jordan, give me five minutes of good headwork. +"""John James Urgayle."" The Chief." What about him. +What about him. Instructors typically pull three year assignments. This guy's in and out in one year -- your year. That sound right? +Instructors typically pull three year assignments. This guy's in and out in one year -- your year. That sound right? Sounds like an amazing coincidence. +Sounds like an amazing coincidence. Or like maybe he was baby sitting a problem child for the Navy. +Or like maybe he was baby sitting a problem child for the Navy. I don't know, I don't care. +I don't know, I don't care. Well, pardon me if I do. Now who else? Who could've leveraged a class officer like that? C'mon, Jordan, keep your head in the game. +"""In Washington...""" What? +What? Wickwire said he was dry-docked in Washington between stints at Coronado... +"""Wickwire, Thomas Dane""... Second run at Coronado... and correct, they had him stashed in the ""Appropriation Liaison Office,"" whatever that is." You don't crap out of Spec-Recon and get another shot without dispensation from someone up in flag country. He's got a Sea Daddy somewhere. +You don't crap out of Spec-Recon and get another shot without dispensation from someone up in flag country. He's got a Sea Daddy somewhere. I'd sure like to know who. +I'd sure like to know who. Yeah. Me too. +So here we are again. Staring three years of operational duty in the face. Look. It's not like you'd be completely out of reach. And maybe we could call in a few favors, get you stationed at Norfolk instead of Coronado. There are ways of dealing with these things -- I mean, if people are so inclined. +Look. It's not like you'd be completely out of reach. And maybe we could call in a few favors, get you stationed at Norfolk instead of Coronado. There are ways of dealing with these things -- I mean, if people are so inclined. Which is guy-speak for... +Which is guy-speak for... """Yes, Jordan -- I'll wait for you no matter how long.""" +They're more afraid of you. Well, now I feel so much better. +Well, now I feel so much better. It was made clear before you came -- harassment equals career suicide. Can't say anything good, so they don't say much at all. To your face, anyway. +It was made clear before you came -- harassment equals career suicide. Can't say anything good, so they don't say much at all. To your face, anyway. Whose orders were those? +Whose orders were those? It was made clear. Anyway, stay ballsy. First week's hell, then it levels out. Until S.E.R.E. training, anyway. That's hell-and-a-half. +It was made clear. Anyway, stay ballsy. First week's hell, then it levels out. Until S.E.R.E. training, anyway. That's hell-and-a-half. And how do you know that? +And how do you know that? Made it to Week 10 last time. +Made it to Week 10 last time. I didn't know they let you try again. Especially at your age. +I didn't know they let you try again. Especially at your age. You're kind of a surprise yourself. +Hey. Way to gut it out. Thanks, Wick. +Who is it? You know, I had an apartment about this size once. +You know, I had an apartment about this size once. Wick. They got your crew, too? +Wick. They got your crew, too? Intagliata was out chasing breakfast. They found his tracks. Well, shit. +You really came back for more? Of this? When I was sittin' behind a desk in Washington, it made sense, somehow. Blame it on my big brother. He was Spec-Recon. And the stories he used to tell... +When I was sittin' behind a desk in Washington, it made sense, somehow. Blame it on my big brother. He was Spec-Recon. And the stories he used to tell... If you got a good one, Wick... +One time he was doing a rekkie of the Libyan coastline. This is, like, right before we bombed Khadaffi into the past tense. So his crew does a nighttime infil, maps all the big artillery placements and stuff, then turns around to get the hell gone. But between them and the water are five Libyan guards, all armed to the nuts. They had to kill 'em? +They had to kill 'em? Nah, they were dead-ass asleep. But on every guard's chest,they left one Marlboro cigarette. Just a little calling card to say they'd been there -- and could come back any time they wanted. +Nah, they were dead-ass asleep. But on every guard's chest,they left one Marlboro cigarette. Just a little calling card to say they'd been there -- and could come back any time they wanted. That's a good story. +That's a good story. So the shit you gotta go through? To get from here to there? Brother said it was worth it. Worth the training... worth the divorce... worth anything. +So the shit you gotta go through? To get from here to there? Brother said it was worth it. Worth the training... worth the divorce... worth anything. He was married? +He was married? At first. +At first. You got anybody, Wick? +You got anybody, Wick? Not me. You? +O'Neil? How'd you make it last time, Wick? How'd you get through this part? +How'd you make it last time, Wick? How'd you get through this part? Last time I didn't. +Last time I didn't. Let's keep talkin', Wick. Just keep talkin' to me... +Sorry, didn't mean to -- That's okay. Just an ex-girlfriend. And know I remember why. +That's okay. Just an ex-girlfriend. And know I remember why. First big night of liberty and no date? You're pathetic, Wickwire. +First big night of liberty and no date? You're pathetic, Wickwire. Maybe I'll just head over to McP's with the others, have a drink or four. Don't wanna come, do you? +Maybe I'll just head over to McP's with the others, have a drink or four. Don't wanna come, do you? I can't go out. Not like this. +I can't go out. Not like this. I think you look beautiful. +I think you look beautiful. Thanks for lying. But you're the class officer, Wick, and it'd just be weird if we hook up. Besides... +Do you, uh, know... Sure, sure. +Sure, sure. We're going over to her place to make salad and pasta. Just, you know, nothing special. +We're going over to her place to make salad and pasta. Just, you know, nothing special. Okay. Well... thought I'd ask. +I'm sorry, O'Neil. But as class officer, it's my obligation to report all violations. This is insane. You've got no proof. +What're you guys doing? Huh? Just askin' +Just askin' What, you gonna give it all up for a maple twist? How dumb you gotta be? That's exactly what they -- +She part of the training? I don't know... +If not, firing will only give away our position to hostiles in the area. Now how smart is that? Mighta been civilian. +32 feet, six inches! I'm lookin', I'm lookin'! +'Cool? Smoke it! +So we got two full mini-tanks, three minutes each. 'Cool? How much air in yours? Maybe half. Not even. +Maybe half. Not even. Grab an oar, find a way to weight it down, we're gonna need it. Cortez, help him. Flea? You take one of the two full minis -- and just follow my lead. +Say again, sir? You heard me. Move on. +Chief, sir, I don't understand why -- Educate her, Pyro. +Permission to get dressed, sir? It seems the men couldn't get used to the sight of women blown open and their viscera hanging from tree limbs. Israeli men would linger over wounded females -- often to the detriment of the mission, often endangering their own lives. They don't use women anymore. +It seems the men couldn't get used to the sight of women blown open and their viscera hanging from tree limbs. Israeli men would linger over wounded females -- often to the detriment of the mission, often endangering their own lives. They don't use women anymore. Sir, someone mentioned you received the Navy Cross. May I ask what you got it for? +Sir, someone mentioned you received the Navy Cross. May I ask what you got it for? For pulling a 210-pound man out of a burning barrack in Saudi Arabia. +For pulling a 210-pound man out of a burning barrack in Saudi Arabia. I see. So when a man tries to rescue another man, he's a hero. But when he tries to rescue a woman, he's gone soft. +I see. So when a man tries to rescue another man, he's a hero. But when he tries to rescue a woman, he's gone soft. Could you have pulled that 210-pound man clear, lieutenant? +Females in combat situations impact unit cohesion. Men fight better without women around. And that is an historical fact. It also seems like a problem with the men's attitude, sir. So maybe you should be sniffing around their shower room instead. +England went out with a stress fracture. That puts you in charge, lieutenant. McCool's that same rank. We're both j.g.'s. +McCool's that same rank. We're both j.g.'s. You were commissioned one month earlier, which makes you the senior officer. Remember. There are no bad crews -- only bad leaders. +Simple question, lieutenant. No reason not to answer. What is your father's name? """Dad.""" +"""Dad.""" Any brothers? Sisters? +Any brothers? Sisters? Dick, Jane, and Spot. +Dick, Jane, and Spot. Are you hungry? What's your favorite food? We'll try to get it for you. +Are you hungry? What's your favorite food? We'll try to get it for you. Green Eggs and Ham. You're not going to get anywhere. You might as well put me in the cage. +Green Eggs and Ham. You're not going to get anywhere. You might as well put me in the cage. You are in the cage, O'Neil. Right here, right now. +You are in the cage, O'Neil. Right here, right now. Should I be afraid? +Should I be afraid? Right down to your worthless womb, and I'll tell you why. This is my island. My world. And here I can get away with shit that would get me arrested anywhere else in the world. Take another scan of my little joy- boy outside. If I can do that to a Navy Seal, what's gonna happen to you? Huh? +Why didn't you shoot the woman, O'Neil? Wasn't deemed a threat. +Wasn't deemed a threat. She led us right to you. That's no threat? +Would you have shot if it was a man? No. Yes. I mean, depends on -- +No. Yes. I mean, depends on -- The others already told me, O'Neil. They wanted to shoot, but you wouldn't let them. Because you went soft on another women -- +The others already told me, O'Neil. They wanted to shoot, but you wouldn't let them. Because you went soft on another women -- That's not right. +That's not right. That's what your crew said. Are they lying? Or are you? +That's what your crew said. Are they lying? Or are you? I think you're the liar. +I think you're the liar. I'm not the one who got five good men thrown in a bamboo cage. You wear the bars, you made the call, and you got your whole crew -- +I'm not the one who got five good men thrown in a bamboo cage. You wear the bars, you made the call, and you got your whole crew -- We didn't know we were compromised. Firing would only've given away our position. +We didn't know we were compromised. Firing would only've given away our position. You think we should go easy on women, O'Neil? +Do you? No. +No. I'm so glad we agree. +Didn't you know you'd be raped if you were captured? Didn't you even think about that? Sure. Just like your men do. +Sure. Just like your men do. I think we oughtta practice it, just so you know what to expect. +Well, I'm trying to figure out if you're stupid, unlucky, gluttonous -- or some new alloy of all three. Good to see you again, too, sir. +Good to see you again, too, sir. Okay, O'Neil. So you've impressed all the others. Now try me. +Managed to activate the ELB. If you just radio base and let them know, they'll fix on that. Oh, and make sure they send a helo with a winch -- door's blocked by a reef. Over. Chief, sir -- rescue team won't be here for 15 minutes. What's your air situation? Over. +Chief, sir -- rescue team won't be here for 15 minutes. What's your air situation? Over. Say again? How many micks? +Say again? How many micks? 15, sir. +Got it. Show us where you are, Chief. +O'Neil... Shut up, sir. I'm concentrating. +Well, who the shit you think you are? Comin' in here like that? Your new roommate. +Anybody usin' these drawers here? Hey, hey, HEY. No possibility. You can't stay in here. You can't sleep right next to me. +Hey, hey, HEY. No possibility. You can't stay in here. You can't sleep right next to me. Funny, the C.O. says I can. +Aw, lookit this, lookit this -- she's bringin' Tampax in here. C'mon, you got nothin' but rooms over there. That your desk? I'll take this one. +That your desk? I'll take this one. WOULD YOU JUST GET OUTTA HERE? +WOULD YOU JUST GET OUTTA HERE? Listen, Sex Ape. I'm here to stay. And if you don't want me for a roommate or classmate, you got two options -- move out or ring out. End of file. +Clear. North? +All right, fire-and-evade maneuvers. Drop everything but weapons and the PRC radio -- we're gonna be high speed, low drag all the way to the link-up site. Ready? Sure. Now she wants to shoot. +Sure. Now she wants to shoot. MOVE! +I just wonder how that happened. Cortez, see if you can dig out the tools without losing the rest of out gear. Try a wrench on that thing. +You don't suppose this is just part of... FLEA! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THAT SPOT! Mark it, mark it! Cortez? What the hell you waiting for? +Maybe we should call the Coast Guard. Shut your hole, Slutnik. +We're fucked. Darth Vader reads poetry... +Darth Vader reads poetry... We are so fucked. +Can't live with them, can't kill them. What's the point? Somebody throw a tent over this circus. +You mind? I'm trying to eat here. So am I. +This ain't workin' right! What's our go-to-shit plan, O'Neil? +What's our go-to-shit plan, O'Neil? This ain't even workin' wrong! +Subject? O'Neil, Jordan. +O'Neil, Jordan. Thought you two were file-closed. +Thought you two were file-closed. You knew about us? +You knew about us? Sorry. Thought you knew I knew. +All right. So who stands to gain if Jordan flames out in a big way? The E-Ringers? Full integration is gonna cost the services billions at the worst possible time -- when Congress is already swinging the axe. +The E-Ringers? Full integration is gonna cost the services billions at the worst possible time -- when Congress is already swinging the axe. Congress cuts, military bleeds. But Pentagon's a big place. Let's narrow the sights. +Congress cuts, military bleeds. But Pentagon's a big place. Let's narrow the sights. The Navy? They've made it clear they don't want to pull missiles out of subs to make room for women's heads. What's it gonna cost to make a fleet of Trident's co-ed? +The Navy? They've made it clear they don't want to pull missiles out of subs to make room for women's heads. What's it gonna cost to make a fleet of Trident's co-ed? Sabotage born of economics? Wouldn't be a first. But is Hayes really going to start his watch with such a public failure? +Sabotage born of economics? Wouldn't be a first. But is Hayes really going to start his watch with such a public failure? Possibly. Just to spite DeHaven. +Possibly. Just to spite DeHaven. Hmm. Let's aim higher. +The White House. If Jordan wins, DeHaven wins in spades. Why? Well, it's been said that the only man the President fears -- ain't no man. The first female President? +The first female President? "Don't for a second think she didn't leak this story. ""G.I. Jane"" gives DeHaven a symbol that taps into the biggest constituency of them all." +"Don't for a second think she didn't leak this story. ""G.I. Jane"" gives DeHaven a symbol that taps into the biggest constituency of them all." Women. +Women. If you were the President, wouldn't that put a little piss in your shoes? +If you were the President, wouldn't that put a little piss in your shoes? I don't know. Seems... +I don't know. Seems... This ain't about some little soldier girl sloggin' her way through commando school. The implications go way beyond. +This ain't about some little soldier girl sloggin' her way through commando school. The implications go way beyond. Christ, I don't want to see her take a fall. She thinks I do, but... +Christ, I don't want to see her take a fall. She thinks I do, but... I take it this file is still open. +I take it this file is still open. Even tough I don't talk to her every day -- I still talk to her every day. Know what I mean? +Even tough I don't talk to her every day -- I still talk to her every day. Know what I mean? Okay, so now work it from the other end. Think about California -- and how things might be handled there. +Okay, so now work it from the other end. Think about California -- and how things might be handled there. "I don't... What, someone on base? A ""mole""?" +"I don't... What, someone on base? A ""mole""?" This is what you get for brain- picking an old CIA spook. but if I needed to control the outcome of this test case, that's how I'd do it. A man-in-place. Makes everything very controllable. +That's cuz I'm married to you. Shut up. How can you eat like that? +Shut up. How can you eat like that? Big bites. +I'm telling you he's dirt. He's a douche bag, gutter slime, dog crap, puke chunks... Hey, hey! I'm eating here! +Hey, hey! I'm eating here! Audrey, you're too damned nice, that's your problem. Nice gets you nothin' in this town. You gotta be a killer to get ahead, you know what I'm sayin'? I'm sorry, baby, but you just don't got what it takes. +Audrey's going to stay with us tonight. Great. See ya then. +Who the hell are all these people? What? I just couldn't just let them sleep in the street. +What? I just couldn't just let them sleep in the street. Where's Audrey? +Where's Audrey? In the bedroom. Crying her eyes out because of you. +In the bedroom. Crying her eyes out because of you. What? +What? "All that ""you gotta be vicious"" stuff you filled her head with." +"All that ""you gotta be vicious"" stuff you filled her head with." Me!? You where the one... +Me!? You where the one... Go in there. Talk to her. +I like that image. You know how I spent last weekend? Walking his damned dog. +Animal, you don't think that's true, do you? Nice guys finish last. First rule of the jungle. +Nice guys finish last. First rule of the jungle. Well, I can be tough if I want. +That why you dumped him? No! I just couldn't see myself with some boring egg head who spends his summer picking apart cockroaches. I wanted to have some adventure, some fun... +How long where you and dis guy goin' steady? Nearly four years... +Great stuff, Animal. Weren't you scared? Sure I was. I thought Lucy was gonna kill me. +He stole my report! That's my report! We know, Audrey. +You okay? It's all my fault. What have I done, Animal? What have I become? Look at me. This isn't me. I don't do things like this. +It's all my fault. What have I done, Animal? What have I become? Look at me. This isn't me. I don't do things like this. You made a mistake. +Yeah, I just screwed up with the only man who ever really cared about me. Didn't you tell me he left for the airport? +Didn't you tell me he left for the airport? Yeah. Why are you asking? +Yeah. Why are you asking? I just saw him. He's with a bunch of guys who want to sneak into the city tonight. +My God. He's going after the nest. Perfect! You wanted a story, well, baby, you got one. +Animal, I can't. Look, you want to make it up to your friend? Well if he's right, this is your chance. +What are you doing? Lucy'd kill me if she knew. +What are you doing? It's the maintenance entrance. Runs along the side of the tunnel. When they repaired it last year I worked on a piece about it. +Don't you think we have enough? Yes. Definitely. Definitely enough. +Think we can fit up in there? Only one way to find out. +He's not going to do it. Oh yes he will. +Cut uptown, take 8th to 57th then cut up Broadway. You're crazy, go to the east side and take the park avenue to the JFK. +You're crazy, go to the east side and take the park avenue to the JFK. The JFK? In the rain!? +What are you talking about? The east side is always faster. But we can get to the west side faster. +Audrey, did you take the tape out of the camera? No. +I'll take them all. You must have quite some harem. +Audrey?! Is that you? Hi, hello. You look, wow, uh, how've you been? It's good to see you, Nick. +So you made it. What? +You're a reporter. That's what you always wanted to be, right? I'm happy for you. Really, I am. Yeah, well... +So, you still picking apart cockroaches? "No, I'm into earthworms now. You wouldn't be interested. They're real ""boring"" creatures. Very reliable, dependable, no surprises..." +"No, I'm into earthworms now. You wouldn't be interested. They're real ""boring"" creatures. Very reliable, dependable, no surprises..." You're still mad at me, aren't you? +You're still mad at me, aren't you? You just left me without a phone call, a letter, nothing. All this time. Yeah, I guess I'm still a little mad. +You just left me without a phone call, a letter, nothing. All this time. Yeah, I guess I'm still a little mad. That was eight years ago. Some people change, you know. +That was eight years ago. Some people change, you know. Most people don't. +Most people don't. I'm sorry you feel that way. +Wait. I'm sorry. You're right. Eight years is a long time. Can I offer you a cup of tea? Sure. I'd like that. +I still can't believe it. How does a guy go from an anti-nuke activists to working for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission? When you and I use to attend rallies in college, we helped to create awareness. But from the inside now I can actually effect change. I never lost my idealism. +When you and I use to attend rallies in college, we helped to create awareness. But from the inside now I can actually effect change. I never lost my idealism. And exactly what changes are you trying to effect? +And exactly what changes are you trying to effect? I have this theory that we're inadvertently creating new species as a direct result of what we've done to nature. +I have this theory that we're inadvertently creating new species as a direct result of what we've done to nature. And you think this creature is one of them? +And you think this creature is one of them? Yes. The first of its kind. I found this blood sample earlier this evening... +Yes. The first of its kind. I found this blood sample earlier this evening... Blood sample? How close did you get to that thing? +Blood sample? How close did you get to that thing? I got pretty close. +I got pretty close. What else do you know about it? +...he's pregnant. Are you sure? +Well, obviously these tests weren't designed for this but fundamentally they're looking for the same hormonal patterns that would indicate pregnancy. I don't get it. If it's the first of its kind, how can it be pregnant? +The ultimate expression of evolution, it reproduces asexually. Think about it, all kinds of creatures have been known to travel great distances for reproduction. That's why he came to New York. Like every species of insufficient progenitors, he's nesting! Nesting? +Nesting? Yes. Do you realize that a creature like this could lay as many as a dozen eggs at a time! +Is this cause of me? Because of the story? Well what the hell did you think was going to happen? +Well what the hell did you think was going to happen? You never said it was off the record. +You never said it was off the record. I shouldn't have to, Audrey. You're supposed to be my friend. I trusted you. +I shouldn't have to, Audrey. You're supposed to be my friend. I trusted you. I didn't mean for it to turn out like this. Look, I lied to you. I'm not a reporter. When we broke up and I came out to New York I was so sure I'd make it. But I haven't. That's why I needed this story so bad. I just couldn't tell you I'm a failure. +I didn't mean for it to turn out like this. Look, I lied to you. I'm not a reporter. When we broke up and I came out to New York I was so sure I'd make it. But I haven't. That's why I needed this story so bad. I just couldn't tell you I'm a failure. So you thought that made it okay to steal my tapes? +What are you doing here? I thought you said there'd only be a dozen eggs. +I thought you said there'd only be a dozen eggs. I was wrong. +Circuits are overloaded. I know a way. I know how you can get a message out of here. +Come on, the broadcast booth is right over here. How do you know? +How do you know? Our network covers the Ranger games. +The network is on an intranet. It's a direct feed into our computer system. Your station won't have any easier time contacting the military than I did. +If the military are listening, they must immediately destroy this building before they can escape. Oh my God! They're coming! +Are you okay? Somehow I never thought your life was this exciting. +Somehow I never thought your life was this exciting. You'd be surprised. +You'd be surprised. Really? I'd like to find out. +Who was that French guy, anyway. Oh, just some insurance guy. +And I'm supposed to remind you to call him on all of Caiman's expense p.o.'s. Speak of the devil. +My life sucks. Oh, please, your life doesn't suck. His life sucks. +I can't believe he put the moves on me. After everything I've done for him. He's scum! As far as he's concerned you're just a pair of breasts that talk. +It's Nick! I know that guy. I know him! Who is he? +Who is he? He was my college sweetie! Look at him. He looks so handsome on t.v. What the hell is he doing in Panama. +Did Romeo have a name? Nick Tatopoulos. +Four years. Girl, I'm surprised he didn't ask you to marry him. That's the problem. He did. +What the hell are you doing? Remember my friend we saw on t.v.? +Remember my friend we saw on t.v.? Your old sweetheart? +Your old sweetheart? Yeah, well he just turned up in New Jersey at the military command post. Somehow all this is related to what happened down in Panama. There's a story here. I know it. You got any tape or glue? +Yeah, well he just turned up in New Jersey at the military command post. Somehow all this is related to what happened down in Panama. There's a story here. I know it. You got any tape or glue? I left my forgery kit back at the office. +Wish me luck! Audrey, I don't think this is a very good idea. Caiman finds out and he'll have your job. +Audrey, I don't think this is a very good idea. Caiman finds out and he'll have your job. I'm tired of waiting for someone else to give me an opportunity, Luce. If there's a story here I'm going to find it. +Hey, do you have any glue in your bag? What's it to you? +What's it to you? Can I use some? +Can I use some? What do I get? +What do I get? The warm feeling of helping your fellow man. +The warm feeling of helping your fellow man. Five bucks. +Five bucks. You're kidding, right? +Did you talk with Humphries? This is not the place... +This is not the place... Just tell me, did you talk with him? +Just tell me, did you talk with him? He said he'd consider it. It's between you and Rodriguez. +He said he'd consider it. It's between you and Rodriguez. Are you serious? He's going to consider me for he job? What else did he say? +Mr. Caiman, you're married. And you're beautiful... +And you're beautiful... Mr. Caiman... +Mr. Caiman... Call me Charlie. +Call me Charlie. Mr. Caiman, I've been doing extra research for you after hours and weekends for nearly a year. And I've never asked for anything but this job is really important to me. I'm too old to be an assistant anymore. I need to know this job is going someplace. +Mr. Caiman, I've been doing extra research for you after hours and weekends for nearly a year. And I've never asked for anything but this job is really important to me. I'm too old to be an assistant anymore. I need to know this job is going someplace. So have dinner with me tonight. +So have dinner with me tonight. I can't. +I can't. It's your choice. +Caiman, wait. Take me with you. What? +What? I've got something on this. I know a guy on the inside with the military... +I've got something on this. I know a guy on the inside with the military... Not now. You got my bag? +You don't understand, I can get us information... Listen, this is the time when the big boys have to go to work, okay Honey? +We did it! We've got the exclusive! Way to go, Audrey! We? I don't think so. +We? I don't think so. I want that story, Audrey. Remember you work for me. +I want that story, Audrey. Remember you work for me. Not anymore. Mr. Caiman, I quit. +Hi. Nick Tatopoulos... Ah, Elsie Chapman, paleontologist. +Three years digging up worms in Chernobyl? How did Mrs. Tatopoulos handle it? Oh, I'm not married. +Oh, I'm not married. Really? A girlfriend then? +Really? A girlfriend then? No. Perhaps I work too much. +No. Perhaps I work too much. You mean to tell me that there is no one who holds a special place in your heart? +Not for a long time, now. Well, I think you're cute. +Well, I think you're cute. Oh, thank you. Is she always like this? +Hence the radiation. More than that. I believe this is a mutated aberration, a hybrid from the fall out in that region. +Evacuate Manhattan? That's over three million people. Has that ever been done before? I don't think so. +I'm sorry about all this. Me too. +Make sure they find that nest before it's too late. I'll try. +Merde! Allez, allez! +They will set the trap at thirty minutes to ten. That is when we will go in. +We've secured the doors on both levels. Where's Luc and Pierre? +Where's Luc and Pierre? They didn't make it. +They didn't make it. Nick, my men and I will hold them here. You will have to go and get help! +When we learned he could burrow his way through the tunnels we realized he could be out of the quarantined zone. Christ. How many tunnels lead off the island? +Christ. How many tunnels lead off the island? Only five, Sir. We've checked them all. He hasn't used any of them. +Only five, Sir. We've checked them all. He hasn't used any of them. Have them sealed off. +Have them sealed off. And how should we do that, Sir? +And how should we do that, Sir? Fill them with cement, brick them up, put land mines in them, bombs, I don't know, just make sure that goddamned thing doesn't leave the island! +Who are they? Lieutenant, get those people away from there. They are with me! +CHARGEURES, property and casualty insurance. We are preparing a report. You're fast. +You're fast. That is our job. +That is our job. Well your people are getting in the way of my job. +Well your people are getting in the way of my job. Major, what do you think could have done this? +Major, what do you think could have done this? Get your people out of there or I will. +Dr. Niko Topopolosis? It's Tatopoulos. +It's Tatopoulos. Right. The worm guy. Can someone get those people off the beach? +Right. The worm guy. Can someone get those people off the beach? Excuse me, would you mind telling me what the hell I'm doing here? +Excuse me, would you mind telling me what the hell I'm doing here? Follow me. +You didn't answer my question. In fact, for the last 18 hours no one has answered any of my questions. We have a situation on our hands that requires your particular expertise. +Look, I may work for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission but accidents and spills are not my field. We know. +Do you know that you just interrupted a three year study of the Chernobyl earthworm? Yeah, you're the worm guy. +Yeah, you're the worm guy. The radioactive contamination in that area altered the earthworm's DNA! You have any idea what that means? +The radioactive contamination in that area altered the earthworm's DNA! You have any idea what that means? No, but I have the feeling I'm about to find out. +No, but I have the feeling I'm about to find out. It means that due to a man made accident the Chernobyl earthworms are now over seventeen percent larger than they were before. Mutated by seventeen percent? +Seventeen percent, huh? Sounds big. They're enormous! A new species created by man's recklessness. That's what I've been trying to tell you, I'm only a biologist. I take radioactive samples and study them. +They're enormous! A new species created by man's recklessness. That's what I've been trying to tell you, I'm only a biologist. I take radioactive samples and study them. Then you're perfect. Here's your radioactive sample. Study it. +What sample? You're standing on it. +That was a footprint. I was standing inside a footprint. That's right. +That's right. But there's no animal in the world that can make prints like that? Is there? +But there's no animal in the world that can make prints like that? Is there? We're hoping you're going to help us figure that out. +Somebody must have seen it. It happened so fast no one knew what hit them 'til is was over. +The radiation is not an anomaly, it's the clue. This creature is far too unique on every level to be some lost dinosaur. Don't tell me why it's not, tell me what the hell it is. +Don't tell me why it's not, tell me what the hell it is. What do we know? It was first sighted off the French Polynesian Pacific. An area that has been exposed to dozens of nuclear tests over the last thirty years. +You know, he's not an enemy trying to evade you. He's just an animal. What are you suggesting? +What are you suggesting? When I needed to catch earthworms, I knew the best way to catch them was not to chase them. I had to draw them out. +Well, yes. I did. Clearly he was injured and bled. You see, all we need to do is get a better shot at it with weapons that don't rely on heat seeking... +You see, all we need to do is get a better shot at it with weapons that don't rely on heat seeking... Um, excuse me, sir, but the situation's more complicated than that. The blood I recovered revealed that the creature is either about to lay eggs or already has. +No, it reproduces asexually. That's why we must find the nest. If we don't, dozens will be born, each one capable of laying eggs of its own. Very quickly we could be looking at an enormous population. So after we kill the creature we'll begin a search for the nest. +So after we kill the creature we'll begin a search for the nest. It may be too late by then. These eggs will hatch very quickly. +You gave them the tape? No, it's still in my tent. It's...oh my God, she took it. +We think there's a strong reason to believe it may be hiding inside one of the buildings within the sequestered area. But you don't know for sure! +General Anderson, the problem was the terrain. If we lure him out into a more open area such as this portion of Central Park... We should be able to take him down. Last time you didn't even scratch it! +Last time you didn't even scratch it! That's not true. Our worm guy, er, I mean, Dr. Tatopoulos found blood. +Do you have any idea what's going on out there? The phones are ringing off the hook with people screaming to be let back into the city. We're sending divers into the river now to retrieve the body. +We're sending divers into the river now to retrieve the body. That thing's dead. What the hell are we waiting for? +Organize a search party. I want a complete sweep of the entire city and subway system. You don't have the authority to do that. +Are you looking for this? Thanks. +Do I know you? We've met before. +We've met before. Oh yeah, the insurance guy. +SDECE, Service de Documentation Exterieure et de Contre-Espionnage. Agent Phillip Raymond. Sounds like a big company. +Sounds like a big company. It's the French Secret Service. +It's the French Secret Service. Oh. +Oh. We have learned that your American friends have decided not to look for the creature's nest. +We have learned that your American friends have decided not to look for the creature's nest. Are you sure? How do you know? +Are you sure? How do you know? We know. +We know. Why are you telling this to me? +Why are you telling this to me? I need you to trust me. +I need you to trust me. Why do you need that? +Why do you need that? I need your trust if you're to help me find the nest. +I need your trust if you're to help me find the nest. Oh, my bags. I've checked them in. +Oh, my bags. I've checked them in. We, have already taken care of them. +How did you get all of this stuff into the country? This is America. There is nothing you can not buy. +So why all the secrecy? Why aren't you guys working with the US military? I am not permitted to speak of such things. +I am a patriot. I love my country. Can you understand that? Sure. +Sure. It is my job to protect my country. Sometimes I must even protect it from itself. From mistakes we have made. Mistakes that we do not want the world to know about. +It is my job to protect my country. Sometimes I must even protect it from itself. From mistakes we have made. Mistakes that we do not want the world to know about. Your talking about the nuclear testing in the Pacific. +Your talking about the nuclear testing in the Pacific. Yes. This testing done by my country left a terrible mess. We are here to clean it up. +Here. 23rd street subway station. Where we first found the fish. With a little luck, this will lead us right to it. So you're in? +So you're in? Are you kidding? I always wanted to join the French Foreign Legion. +What's with the chewing gum? Makes us look more American. +They've turned off the ventilation system. They're calling him to dinner. Let's hope we are not the hors d'oeuvres. +Three eggs. I thought there would be more. You were right. +I think we should leave now. Good idea. +Contact the military and get them to send a bomber to blow up this building before these things escape. How do I do that? +How do I do that? 555-7600. Tell them it's a code dragonfly. They should get you through. +What'd they say? I can't get through. I don't know what's wrong. +Who the hell are you? It's okay. I know her. +Hello? It's Raymond. +It's Raymond. Where are you? +I understand. I just wanted to say, au revoir and thank you for your help, my friend. +I just wanted to say, au revoir and thank you for your help, my friend. Wait. Au revoir. +Dr. Lazarus... I hope that I'm not breaching protocol but.. I am so very humbled to stand in your presence... I have studied your missions extensively... Though I am Thermian, I have lived my life by your philosophy, by the code of the Mak'tar. Well good, that's very... nice. +Well good, that's very... nice. By Grabthar's Hammer, Dr. Lazarus, I- +By Grabthar's Hammer, Dr. Lazarus, I- Don't do that. I'm not kidding. +Don't do that. I'm not kidding. I'm sorry, sir, I was only- +I'm sorry, sir, I was only- Just don't. +Just don't. ...Yes sir. Your quarters sir. +This is it? Yes sir. Marvelous, isn't it? Completely distractionless. +Yes sir. Marvelous, isn't it? Completely distractionless. Where's my bed? +Just as on your home planet, sir. If I may say, it took me three years to master the spikes, but now I sleep with a peace I never thought possible... Is that the bathroom? +Is that the bathroom? Yes sir... The use of your waste facilities were strangely absent from the historical records, so we had to extrapolate purely on the basis of your anatomy. +Dr. Lazarus, here is your surface mapper. I have programed it to the coordinates of a Beryllium Sphere of sufficient density. Thanks. +Thanks. Good luck on your mission, Sir. By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Suns of Warvan I wish you- +Good luck on your mission, Sir. By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Suns of Warvan I wish you- Uh uh! What did we talk about? +Uh uh! What did we talk about? Right... Sorry, sir. +Sir, it's you Thank Ipthar! Quellek. What are you doing in there? +Quellek. What are you doing in there? I avoided capture using the Mak'tar stealth haze. Where is everyone? +I avoided capture using the Mak'tar stealth haze. Where is everyone? Come with me. I'll explain on the way. +Sir! The pressure. It's normalizing. Open. +Okay, Quellek, let's get back to the command deck and-Suddenly we hear a PISTOL BLAST and Quellek's chest turns RED. Alexander and Quellek look down at the blood, horrified. I'm... I'm shot. +Not so bad. We'll get you to medical quarters. You're going to be fine. I... I don't think I'm going to make it Sir... +I... I don't think I'm going to make it Sir... No, don't talk like that, son. We're going to get you fixed up. +No, don't talk like that, son. We're going to get you fixed up. ... It has been my greatest honor to serve with you. LIving by your example these years, my life has had meaning. I have been blessed. Sir, I... I... +Don't speak, Quellek. You'll forgive my impertinence, sir, but even though we had never before met, always considered you as a father to me. +Come on, old friend... Friend. You stole all my best lines. You cut me out of episode two entirely!.. +You WILL go out there. I won't and nothing you say- +I won't and nothing you say- """The show must go on.""" +"""The show must go on.""" ...Damn you! Damn you! +I'm glad you asked... To me the most important qualities of a Galaxy Explorer are loyalty... ... to camera center no matter whose shot you're blocking... +... to camera center no matter whose shot you're blocking... Leadership.... +God, what an ass. COME IN PROTECTOR... PROTECTOR... +Calm down everybody. We're just here to negotiate General Sarris' surrender. """Just!?""" +At ease men. Like throwing gasoline on a fire... +We've got to stop! We stop we die. Keep holding the thruster down Tommy! +We stop we die. Keep holding the thruster down Tommy! You don't hold a thruster down! It's for quick boosts +You don't hold a thruster down! It's for quick boosts Like YOU know? +NO! WE'RE ALMOST THROUGH! DON'T BE INSANE, STOP! FULL STOP! +DON'T BE INSANE, STOP! FULL STOP! KEEP GOING! KEEP GOING! +About this much. What's the scale? Is that ten miles? A hundred miles? +What's the scale? Is that ten miles? A hundred miles? THIS much. +There it is. The Beryllium sphere. Must be some sort of mining facility. +Go ahead! You go first! There's no time! +You go first! There's no time! Oh, of course, I forgot! YOU have to be the hero, don't you?... Heaven forbid anyone else get the spotlight once! Oh no, Jason Nesmith couldn't possibly- +What? What? Nothing. +Nothing. I heard something. A squeal. +Fred's no good, Jason. You're going to have to kill it KILL IT? Well I'm open to ideas!... +ALEXANDER??? PLEASE? You're my advisor, advise me! ... . Well you have to figure out what it wants... What's its motivation? +... . Well you have to figure out what it wants... What's its motivation? It's a DAMN ROCK MONSTER!!! It doesn't HAVE motivation! +It's a DAMN ROCK MONSTER!!! It doesn't HAVE motivation! "That's your problem. You were never serious about the caraft... ""I'm a rock... I just want to be a rock... Still. Peaceful.. Tranquil.."" ...""Oh, but what's this? Something's making noise... No, not noise, no... MOVEMENT. VIBRATIONS. Make the vibrations stop, they go straight into me like a knife!... I must CRUSH the thing that makes the vibrations...""" +"That's your problem. You were never serious about the caraft... ""I'm a rock... I just want to be a rock... Still. Peaceful.. Tranquil.."" ...""Oh, but what's this? Something's making noise... No, not noise, no... MOVEMENT. VIBRATIONS. Make the vibrations stop, they go straight into me like a knife!... I must CRUSH the thing that makes the vibrations...""" Am I crazy, or do you actually have something there? +Hundreds dead, all so you could play at being the Commander.' You've murdered us all you egomaniacal sonofabitch! Shut up.' Just shut up you purple skinned monstronsity, +"""Purple skinned monstrosity...?""" "I was staying in character. ""Egomaniacal sonofabitch?""" +"I was staying in character. ""Egomaniacal sonofabitch?""" Sense memory. I see you got to win the fight... +Sense memory. I see you got to win the fight... I had the shot... +~hex! Alex, are you oKav? Yes. Good was done this ..... +Yes. Good was done this ..... Okay... Let's go, buddy, they can take It from here... I'mo- +Jason, before we entered the black hole, my instruments detected strange energy surge from Sarris' shiD~ similar to... No time to worry about that, Alex. Tommy, let's get this thing slowed down... Gwen, see if you can calculate the impact point. Guy, cet down to deck C and make sure tne injured are secured. Also lets- +He's a twit! Oh, and did you hear he booked another fan appearance without us? +Not again... I played Richard III... +Settle down, Alex... No. I can't go out there! I won't say that ridiculous catch phrase one more time. I won't. I can't! +What the hell is going on?!!? Jason, what have you gotten us into? +He wants to THINK!? No, Jason, that's a wrap! There's nothing to think about! +Could you possibly try not to hit every single one! They're drifting toward me... I think they're magnetic!... +What's happened? The engines are dead. We're drifting. +You were holding it upside down weren't you? Shut up. +Shut up. You know, with the makeup and everything1 I actually thought he was smart for a second. +You know, with the makeup and everything1 I actually thought he was smart for a second. "You think you could do better ""Laredo?""" +"You think you could do better ""Laredo?""" "Hey, watch that ""Laredo"" shit." +And note the sucked in gut. ...Sleeves rolled halfway up the biceps... +This is ludicrous. Why are you listening to this man? Must I remind you that he is wearing a costume, not a uniform?... He's no more equipped to lead us than THIS fellow. No offense. You have a better plan, Alex? +You have a better plan, Alex? As a matter of fact, I do. Look at their eyes. They're obviously nocturnal. Come sundown they will go into the forest to hunt. So our plan is simply to wait for nightfall instead of mounting an insane assault in full daylight simply because we did it that way in episode 31.' +He's a miserable twit! The guy is terminally selfish! +Oh Alex, get away from that thing... Dear God.... How did I come to this? +Alex you can't -just leave. Oh can't I? Watch me! +Oh good, there's nothing to eat. Why didn't you stop at the market? +Why didn't you stop at the market? I still haven't got this bloody thing off. +I still haven't got this bloody thing off. You could order something in. +You could order something in. A boy comes to the door. +A boy comes to the door. I don't know... It just wasn't like him. +I don't know... It just wasn't like him. Yes, poor Jason. As we speak he's probably out somewhere talking rubbish to a roomful of hangers-on. While here I sit eating Christmas cheese in Spring. +Oh my god, It's real. All this from watching the.. historical records? +We heard it the first time! Shit! I'm doing it! I'm repeating the damn computer! +May I get the check? The ships are gaining... +WE'VE HAVE TO STOP! FRONT ARMOR IS GONE! JUST SLOW IT DOWN A LITTLE! +"""Go into the cloud! ..." Alex? Where are you going? +Alex? Where are you going? To see if there's a pub. +Look at that... Will you LOOK at that... They look like little children... Could they be the miners? +I don't know. Nobody was WATCHING? +Those blue things ate everybody here? It doesn't make sense... Surely they could have fortified the compound against those creatures... +He knocked me out the sonofabitch. Where is he? Down there. +"You said ""the Commander." What? +What? "Back there. You said ""the Commander is down there with a bunch of cannibals.""" +"Back there. You said ""the Commander is down there with a bunch of cannibals.""" No I didn't. +No I didn't. Yes you did. +He always has to make the big entrance. "By Grabthar's Hammer, this is true. 159 NT. LIVING ROOM - SOMEWHERE - NIGHT 159" +He dissed us AGAIN, Brandon! He probably... Has some very important business to attend to... +Hi Brandon. No time for pleasantries, Kyle. We have a level five emergency. The Commander needs us to get him to the core and shut it down before it overloads. +No time for pleasantries, Kyle. We have a level five emergency. The Commander needs us to get him to the core and shut it down before it overloads. Oh. Okay. +Oh. Okay. You've got the utility systems walkthrough, right? +You've got the utility systems walkthrough, right? I have sectors 1-28. I think Hector has the upper levels. +I have sectors 1-28. I think Hector has the upper levels. We'd better get everybody online. And Kyle, Stop downloading porn. Your frame rate is unacceptable. +"Commander, please settle a dispute that my crew and I are having. In ""The Quasar Dilemma"", the Sentient had taken control of the ship's guidance systems, however-" Excuse me guys. +"Commander, as I was saying... In ""The Quasar Dilemma"", you used the auxiliary of deck b for Gamma override. But online blueprints indicate deck b is independent of the guidance matrix, so we were wondering where the error lies?" It's a television show. Okay? That's all. It's just a bunch of fake sets, and wooden props, do you understand? +It's a television show. Okay? That's all. It's just a bunch of fake sets, and wooden props, do you understand? Yes but, we were wondering- +Yes but, we were wondering- There IS no quantum flux and there Is no auxiliary... There's no goddamn ship Do you get it? +... Yes? We accidently traded Vox units when we bumped into each other on Saturday. +We accidently traded Vox units when we bumped into each other on Saturday. Oh... Oh, I see. Oh. +Oh... Oh, I see. Oh. What's your name, son? +What's your name, son? Brandon. +Brandon. Brandon, I remember you from the convention, right?... You had a lot of little technical observations about the ship, and I spoke sharply to you... +Brandon, I remember you from the convention, right?... You had a lot of little technical observations about the ship, and I spoke sharply to you... Yes, I know, and I want you to know I thought about what you said... I know you meant it constructively but... +Yes, I know, and I want you to know I thought about what you said... I know you meant it constructively but... It's okay. Listen- +It's okay. Listen- ... But I want you to know that I am not a complete braincase, okay? I understand completely that It's just a TV show. There is no ship, there is no Beryllium Sphere, no diagital conveyor... I mean, obviously it's all just a- +... But I want you to know that I am not a complete braincase, okay? I understand completely that It's just a TV show. There is no ship, there is no Beryllium Sphere, no diagital conveyor... I mean, obviously it's all just a- It's real, Brandon. All of it, It's real. +It's real, Brandon. All of it, It's real. I knew it!... I KNEW it!... +I knew it!... I KNEW it!... Brandon.. . The crew and I are in trouble and we need your help. +Okay, we got it. Okay, you can go on in... I'm going to get Kyle. He knows the utility tunnel system better than anybody alive. +Okay, now left at the next turn... Past the oxygen units. Make a right there. Then go through the antimatter vent... Okay... Okay, now what. +Okay... Okay, now what. Now make a right, you'll see a doorway that opens on the central manufacturing facility. The bowels of the ship. +Commander, do you have a camera? I'd die to see this in person... All they showed on T,V was a machine here, and a wall here... I don't know why they didn't show the whole thing. We'd never have the budget for this. +We'd never have the budget for this. "Okay, so do you see a door marked ""CORE UNIT?"" Should be down at the far end to your left." +Yes...? Okay, that's where you want to be. +Brandon.. Just in case I die, there's something I have to know... Yes Commander? +Yes Commander? What does the Omega 13 do? +What does the Omega 13 do? Well, that's the big question, isn't it? +Well, that's the big question, isn't it? What do you mean? +What do you mean? It's been the subject of an extremely heated debate on the internet for years. Many believe that is a matter collapser, a bomb capable of destroying all matter in the universe in a chain reaction lasting 13 seconds. +It's been the subject of an extremely heated debate on the internet for years. Many believe that is a matter collapser, a bomb capable of destroying all matter in the universe in a chain reaction lasting 13 seconds. But you don't? +But you don't? No, I am of the firm belief that in reality it is not a matter killer, but a matter REARRANGER, converting all molecules to the exact state they existed thirteen seconds previous to activation thus effecting a thirteen second time jump to the past. +No, I am of the firm belief that in reality it is not a matter killer, but a matter REARRANGER, converting all molecules to the exact state they existed thirteen seconds previous to activation thus effecting a thirteen second time jump to the past. How did you come to that conclusion? +How did you come to that conclusion? My cousin's boyfriend's sister went out with the screenwriter. His favorite movie is the Omegaman. He's seen it 13 times... +"BRANDON! TIME TO GO!" Yes Commander... All right, you're almost there. Just go through the chompers and over the pit. +Commander, you and Lt. Madison will have to go through the crushers one at a time in three second intervals. Tell me when the first crusher hits the bottom... Okay, now. But- +Okay, now. But- Wait two seconds then go. +No, wait, are you- Lt. Madison, GO. +Lt. Madison, GO. Shit! Go! +Shit! Go! GO Commander. +Go. They're off again. Up. +Up. What? Up? +What? Up? Berithium lava coming through. Use the handholds above you. +I'm at the control oaneh. What do I do? Raise the glass and push the blue button. +Raise the glass and push the blue button. That's It? +That's It? Yeah. What's wrong? JASON ~~othIno. I -ust oncuont ot wou~o oc oomooooateo onan onat. +Structural damage at 68 percent. We're getting major structural damage. +"I just can't believe it. Any of it! Look at this room!.. They designed it based on the Tuaran Pleasure ship from ""historical document"" thirty seven. Oh and wait, wait, listen to this! Computer?" Yes? +Yes? What's the weather like outside? +What's the weather like outside? There is no weather in space. +There is no weather in space. I never get tired of that joke. +The ship is sustaining structural damage. Guys, we're sustaining structural damage!... +The enemy is matching velocity. The enemy is matching velocity. +Computer, what about our engines? Why don't we have power? The Beryllium Sphere has fractured under stress. +The Beryllium Sphere has fractured under stress. It's fractured... +Negative. The Beryllium sphere will have to be replaced. We need another one. +Negative, no reserve Beryllium sphere exists onboard. No, we don't have an extra Beryllium sphere. +Systems register functional. All systems are working, Commander. +Systems register functional. "All systems are working, Commander. ,~ -cc PINK) -' C -" +U.... What do you think? That possibly... The valence bonds have shifted bi-laterally? +That possibly... The valence bonds have shifted bi-laterally? ... What does that mean? +... What does that mean? What does that mean?!!! Yes, I see! Yes... It means that perhaps... the... bonding molecules have become covalent?!... +What does that mean?!!! Yes, I see! Yes... It means that perhaps... the... bonding molecules have become covalent?!... Covalent... Right. So... +Covalent... Right. So... So our solution is to introduce a bonding substrate! - A two molecule compound sharing a free electron - and bombard the ions with their reflective isotopes! +So our solution is to introduce a bonding substrate! - A two molecule compound sharing a free electron - and bombard the ions with their reflective isotopes! OK! +Hey Commander. Listen, we found some Beryllium on a nearby planet. We might be able to get there if we re-configure the solar matrix in parallel for endothermic propulsion. What do you think? I...Well, uh... Yes, absolutely. +A hologram... Never mind, Fred.... +Never mind, Fred.... No, no... I'll think on it... +The digital conveyer? You mean I'm going to get diced into cubes and sorted up there in a thousand pieces? Right. +Right. I'll take my chances with Gorignak. +No, I'll kill you. . Listen Fred. You did this for four years on the show. You can do it now... Put your hands on the controls.. +Fred, I worked summer stock with Hopkins. Regional theater with Hoffman. But I swear to God I have never met an actor who could hit his mark, or nail his lines with the professional consistency of a Freddy Kwan. You're Mr. Dependable... You can do this. You worked with Hopkins? I worship Hopkins. +As good as Hopkins? Hopkins can't drink your bathwater Fred. +How do you remember this stuff? "Oh I make it up. Use lots of ""k""s and ""v""s." +You Okay, Alex? I don't like this... I don't like this at all... +...The digital conveyor. Of course... We'll just zap him up with the digital conveyor! +We've got to get that valve turned off. Their oxygen Is almost gone... Listen, I'll go in, create a distraction. have this... may be able to hold them back long enough for the aliens to escape. +Listen, I'll go in, create a distraction. have this... may be able to hold them back long enough for the aliens to escape. It's suicide. +It's suicide. I'm just a glorified extra, Fred. I'm a dead man anyway. If I'm going to die, I'd rather go out a hero than a coward. +I'm just a glorified extra, Fred. I'm a dead man anyway. If I'm going to die, I'd rather go out a hero than a coward. Maybe you're the plucky comic relief, you ever think of that? +Listen, I was wondering, would you guys mind if I sit in today? See if anybody's interested in an autograph? Never know. Sure, Guy, If you can stand the excitement. +"""Crewman #6""... Call me Guy." You... know us? +THAT'S why you built this ship? It's ... incredible. +The Omega 13... Why does that sound so familiar?... The lost footage. At the convention. The mysterious device in our last episo--historical document. +Guy, you HAVE a last name. We just don't KNOW it. "Do I? DO I? For all you know I'm just ""CREWMAN #6""! Okay, it's FLEEGMAN! Guy FLEEGMAN! There! Now I'm a whole person! I can't die! FLEEGMAN! THEY CAN'T KILL ME NOW, CAN THEY? CAN THEY?" +Where are the miners? Something BAD happened here. +Oh, they're so cute. Of course they're cute NOW. But in a second they're going to turn MEAN and UGLY somehow and then there are going to be a million MORE of them!... +I am SO SICK of being right. Let's get out of here before one of those things kills guy. +How the hell is Fred supposed to project a hologram? We're doing episode 31, Jason? +...Okay All right. Put me back on with him. +They're still behind us... "We should have a turbo. I'm always saying ""activate turbo boosters"", right?..." +Guy, you're not going to get killed on the planet, okay? Oh, I'm not? I'm not? Then what's my last name? +Oh, I'm not? I'm not? Then what's my last name? Your last name. +Your last name. Yeah, what is it? +Yeah, what is it? It's... I don't know. +It's... I don't know. No. Nobody does. Do you know WHY? Because my character Isn't IMPORTANT enough for a last name. Because I'm going to DIE five minutes in, why bother to come up with a last name for me? +We're screwed... We're so screwed... All right, let's all settle down. If we're going to get through this we're going to have to exercise self control. +That's it, that's what's going to kill me. Let's just pick up the pace a little, shall we? +It doesn't have to be a hologram... Just a diversion. Jason, are we doing Episode 31 or not? +Jason, are we doing Episode 31 or not? It's a rough plan, Guy! What does it matter if we're doing episode 31 or not?! +It's a rough plan, Guy! What does it matter if we're doing episode 31 or not?! BECAUSE I DIED IN EPISODE 31! +I know... You contruct a weapon. Look around, can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?... A LATHE??? Get off the line, Guy.' +We~re oetting hammered, Jason. Return fIre? No. Keep all energy to the armor. +Hi everybody. Hey. Thanks for one nice intro... uh. +Hey. Thanks for one nice intro... uh. "Guy... You probably don't remember me do you? I was on the show in '82. Episode 31? Got killed by the lava monster before the first commercial? ""Crewman #6?""" +More to the left... Stay parallel... Hey, YOU want to drive? +"""Assault on Voltareck III."" Episode... 31 I think." We're doing episode 31? +We're doing episode 31? Whatever, the one with the hologram. The wall of fire. +They're gone. Where'd they go? Back inside? +You have no idea what a perimeter is, do you? Not a clue. You? +Not a clue. You? I think he just likes pointing at things. +We're alive! We made It. Commander, we made it.' m ALEXANDER sort ov) By Grabtnar' s h~mmer, we ove to te ono 'tale. +~e're alive! We made it. Commander, we made it.' +A few fans built a little set in their garage. . I come in for an hour at most. It's a nothing. How much of a nothing? Not enough to split five ways kind of a nothing? +How much of a nothing? Not enough to split five ways kind of a nothing? What do you want me to say, Gwen?... They wanted the Commander. +What? You smiled at me. +This isn't mine. Wait, where is that kid?... You know it's one thing to treat us this way, but how can you do this to your fans?... +It's Jason... One minute I'm - Hey, I'm dressing.' +One minute I'm - Hey, I'm dressing.' Oh come on, it's not like I haven't- +Let me try. Computer? Computer?... Only answers to me. +Only answers to me. But I'm the Commander! +But I'm the Commander! On the show I talk to the computer and repeat what it says. So that's what they built. +On the show I talk to the computer and repeat what it says. So that's what they built. C'mon, we're wanted up on the command deck. +Wait. When are you going to tell them? Tell them? About... +Tell them? About... Who we are. Don't you think they're going to be PISSED? +Who we are. Don't you think they're going to be PISSED? Are you kidding? I'm not going to tell them. +Are you kidding? I'm not going to tell them. Well you have to tell them. What if something happens? We're actors, not astronauts... We can't do this stuff! +Well you have to tell them. What if something happens? We're actors, not astronauts... We can't do this stuff! It's not the STUFF. I mean, anybody can learn the STUFF... The important thing is COMMITMNT. 99% of anything is just committing to it. +It's not the STUFF. I mean, anybody can learn the STUFF... The important thing is COMMITMNT. 99% of anything is just committing to it. Ninty-nine percent of ACTING is commitment. ACTING. Stella Adler never manned a resonance cannon, she taught ACTING... +Hey... Hey where are you going? We have no right to do this. They deserve to know. +We have no right to do this. They deserve to know. Gwen... Gwen, c'mon, wait, no! +We're leaving, Jason. We're leaving NOW. Let me think. I need time to think. +There's nobody here. Jason... Mathesar, maybe we should get some of your crew up here. +All right, now nobody panic, I've dealt with this guy before and believe me, he's as stupid as he is ugly. Jason.. +Jason.. We're going to fire everything we've got at him, all right? +We're going to fire everything we've got at him, all right? JASON... +JASON... You just keep pushing those buttons, those there, send everything at him, okay? +I made the CUT THE LINE gesture. You nodded okay.' "I thought It was the ""We're dead"" gesture! I was agreeing! Like I know where the hold button is???" +"I thought It was the ""We're dead"" gesture! I was agreeing! Like I know where the hold button is???" Listen, Sarris, you can't blame me for trying... +Maybe we can lose them in that cloud. I don't think that's a cloud... +Are they behind us? No, I don't think so... Wait. They're not but... Something is. Oh my god. +Can it be repaired? Computer, can it be repaired? +Do we have a replacement Beryllium sphere onboard? Computer, do we have a replacement Beryllium sphere onboard? +Self control? That's funny coming from the guy that slept with every Moon Princess and Terrakian slave girl on the show!... Did it ever occur to you that if you had been a little more supportive you could have held on to me? +Did it ever occur to you that if you had been a little more supportive you could have held on to me? I could have held on to YOU! ... +You're playing your good side. Don't be ridiculous. +All right... here's the plan: First, Fred, we need a diversion to clear those things out of the compound, then Gwen, Alex, Fred and I go down to get the sphere. Any of those things come back, give a signal. Guy, you set up a perimeter. Why does this sound so familiar? +How does the rolling help, actually? It helps. +Clenched jaw... Will you stop RIDING ME?! +Jason.. Can you hear me? Yes. Yes, I'm here! +Thank God. Are you okay? Yeah. But I've got Gorignak staring me in the face. I think I can take it though... +Yeah. But I've got Gorignak staring me in the face. I think I can take it though... Jason, we're going to use the digital conveyer to get you out of there. +What? What did he say? Nothing. Hold please. +Wait, the pig lizard is gone. Why are they still chanting for the pig lizard? Turn on the translation circuit. +Jason?... I don't think the pig lizard was Gorignak... What the hell are you talking about? +So... We get to shut down the neutron reactor? Right. +Right. Uh... I hate to break it to you Jason, but I don't know how to shut down a neutron reactor, and unless you took a Learning Annex course I don't know about, I'm pretty sure you don't know how to shut down a neutron reactor either. +Uh... I hate to break it to you Jason, but I don't know how to shut down a neutron reactor, and unless you took a Learning Annex course I don't know about, I'm pretty sure you don't know how to shut down a neutron reactor either. No I don't. But I know somebody who does. +There's no hatch. There's no hatch! Wait... Jason, Here!... +What IS that thing? It serves no useful purpose to have a bunch of CHOPPY CRUSHY things in the middle of a CATWALK!?.' Gwen... +Gwen... We shouldn't have to DO this! It makes NO LOGICAL SENSE! Why is it HERE? +We shouldn't have to DO this! It makes NO LOGICAL SENSE! Why is it HERE? Because it was on the show! +Because it was on the show! Well forget it! I'm not going. This episode was badly written! +He's accelerating to Mark 6. Mark 12. +never doubted you for a second. TOMMY, 270 DEGREE TURN TO PORT! +Where the hell is he? An hour and a half late. An hour and a half! This is great! They're going to start eating each other out there. +You're kidding. When for? Tomorrow morning, before the store opening. +Unbelievable. You are so full of shit +You gotta admit, they do love him. Almost as much as he loves himself. +That's it, It's go time. Don't do it, Tommy. He's not worth it. +You should have let me hit him. I don't know guys... I mean, he almost looked... sincere. I know, it's bizarre! +You know, that's really getting annoying. I have ONE job on this lousy ship. It's stupid, but I'm going to DO it. GOT IT? +I have ONE job on this lousy ship. It's stupid, but I'm going to DO it. GOT IT? Sure, no problem. +Oh my god! Tommy! Stop the pod! Stop the pod! I can't... It's on autopilot!... +We got the Sphere but the Commander's down there with a bunch of cannibals! Teb, reset the pod, we're going back. That thing's not going to get us down there fast enough. Face it, he's dead. +That thing's not going to get us down there fast enough. Face it, he's dead. "Wait, Fred, what about your thing, you know... ""Digitize me, Sergeant Chen!""" +I heard it too. Is this really the most important thing we could be talking about right now? +JASON You think you could-get any closer to those mines? Closer? I can try. +Closer? I can try. "What are you doing? What are thev doino? ~7C INT. SARRIS' SHIP h37C" +Tommy, look! Those lights... "I see them! I see them! RD STREET PASADENA 57" +First, I require the Omega 13... Second- Okey dokey, let's fire blue particle cannons full. Fire red particle cannons full. Fire gannet magnets left and right. Fire pulse catapults from all chutes. And throw this thing at him too, killer. +Yes... Hi Sarris... How are you doing? Better than my Lieutenant. He failed to activate ship's neutron armor as quickly as I'd hoped on our last encounter. +Right. Well... Listen, I'm I'm sorry about that whole... thing.. before. It was kind of a misunderstanding. I'm sure we can work this out like reasonable people... How's the uh... ... that going to heal up? God, I hope so, I feel just awful about that. Deliver the device now or I will destroy your ship. +Deliver the device now or I will destroy your ship. Listen, I'd like to, but frankly.. I'm not even sure where it is, or even... +Listen, I'd like to, but frankly.. I'm not even sure where it is, or even... You have ten seconds. +You have ten seconds. All right. You got it. You win. I'll deliver it now. Just give me a moment to set it up. +Yes. Then tell me one thing... What does it do, the device? The Omega 13. +Then tell me one thing... What does it do, the device? The Omega 13. I don't know. +Is it a bomb? A booby trap? Tell me! Stop, please! I don't know! +Stop, please! I don't know! Prepare a tear harness for the female... +Prepare a tear harness for the female... No! I swear I don't know! Please! +No! I swear I don't know! Please! Do you think I'm a fool? That the Commander does not know every bolt, every weld of his ship? +Wait. What did you say? Please, don't hurt them, it's not their fault. I'm not the Commander, I don't know anything. +Explain - Gwen. The show. There's no choice. Do it. +My name is Jason Nesmith. I'm an actor. We're all actors. Our dimwitted friends don't understand the concept of acting. They have no theater, no imagination these scientists. +Our dimwitted friends don't understand the concept of acting. They have no theater, no imagination these scientists. We pretend... +We pretend... Simpler. +Simpler. We.. We lie. +We.. We lie. Yes... You understand THAT, don't you, Mathesar?... +Accelerate to Mark 4, Tommy. This is embarrassing, really. I shan't tell this story when I return home. +Commander, I must speak to you. It is a matter of supreme importance... We are Thermians from the Klatu Nebula, and we require your help. I beseech you to come with us, back to our ship. A great many lives hang in the balance... Right, If this is about the thing tomorrow you can hammer out the details with my agent, but make sure I have a limo from my house, they jammed me into a Toyota the last time I did one of these +Right, If this is about the thing tomorrow you can hammer out the details with my agent, but make sure I have a limo from my house, they jammed me into a Toyota the last time I did one of these I... certainly, but- +I... certainly, but- Catch me later, okay? +Sir, I understand this is a terrible breach of protocol, but please, I beg you to hear our plea. We are Thermians from the Klatu Nebula. Our people are being systematically hunted and slaughtered by Roth'h'ar Sarris of Fatu-Krey. Sarris wants the Omega 13. We are to meet in negotiation. However our past efforts in this regard have been nothing short of disastrous. The flames, the death... Please Captain, you are our last hope. We have secured a limousine. Oh, right! The thing with the thing. Come on in, I'll get some pants on. +Commander... Welcome to the Protector II. Would you like to don your uniform? Mind If we skip that? I have to get back pretty quick for this thing in Van Nuys. +Mind If we skip that? I have to get back pretty quick for this thing in Van Nuys. As you wish. +Commander?... Where are you... going? Home. +Home. You... You mean Earth? +You... You mean Earth? "Yeah. ""Earth."" Time to get back to ""Earth,"" kids." +But Commander... The negotiation... You... You... You fired on him. Right. Long live... What's your planet? +Right. Long live... What's your planet? Theramin. +Theramin. Long live Theramini. Take a left here? +Long live Theramini. Take a left here? But what if Sarris survives? +But what if Sarris survives? Oh, I don't think so. I gave him both barrels. +Oh, I don't think so. I gave him both barrels. He has a very powerful ship. Perhaps you would like to wait to see the results of- +He has a very powerful ship. Perhaps you would like to wait to see the results of- I would but I am REALLY running late and the 134's a parking lot after 2:00. But listen, the guy gives you any more trouble, just give a call... +An interstellar vox. Thanks +How can we thank you, Commander. You- You have saved our people. It was a lot of fun. You kids are great. +Weapons storage... It's perfectly safe. I promise. +It's perfectly safe. I promise. ... Maintenance facility... +To our brave guests. Few in this universe have the opportunity to meet their heroes. We are blessed to count ourselves among them. Wherever a distress signal sounds among the stars, we'll be there, this fine ship, this fine crew. Never give up, never surrender! +Mathesar?. .. Has Sarris seen the.. historical records? NO, Thank God he has not. +NO, Thank God he has not. Then how did he find out about the device? +Then how did he find out about the device? Our former Commander was not... Strong. +Our former Commander was not... Strong. Former Commander? +Former Commander? I'm sorry. You deserve to be shown. +Commander... Mathesar, I need you to prepare pods for my crew. +Mathesar? What is that? It's the Tothian mine field left standing from the Great War of 12185. +A thousand apologies. We have failed you. You what?.. What are you talking about? +You what?.. What are you talking about? We have seen you victorious in many more desperate situations. The fault must lie with us, with the ship... +"""Deception..."" ""Lies.""" Well... Sort of... +Well... Sort of... We have become aware of these concepts only recently. In our dealings with Sarris. Often Sarris will say one thing, and do another. Promise us mercy and deliver destruction... It is a concept we are beginning to learn at some great cost. But if you are saying that any of you could have traits in common with Sarris. +I'm not a Commander, there is no National Space Exploration Administration. There is no snip. But there it is!... +But there it is!... A model, only as big as this. +A model, only as big as this. But... Inside, I have seen- +But... Inside, I have seen- Sections of rooms made of plywood. Our Beryllium Sphere was painted wire and plaster. The digital conveyor was Christmas lights... Decorations. It's all a fake. I'm not him... I'm a nothing. A nobody. +Sections of rooms made of plywood. Our Beryllium Sphere was painted wire and plaster. The digital conveyor was Christmas lights... Decorations. It's all a fake. I'm not him... I'm a nothing. A nobody. But...Why? +But...Why? It's difficult to... On our planet we pretend in order to... entertain. +The ship is a model... As big as this!... A very clever deception indeed! He oan't oontaln hIs lauchter. A belle-----TOMMY Set a course for home, lommander? You can oc that? +You said we do appearances together, or not at all.' "I didn't say that. I said ""wouldn't it be great if we could always, work together."" That's what I said." +... to make sure craft service keeps those little butter cookies, and plenty of them- And determination. +That's right... Just keep shaking it out... Here, have some gum, It helps. Wh... Where are we? +Wh... Where are we? Twenty third quadrant of gamma sector. I can show you on a map. +What's going on? I think we're going to exit the space port. +Excuse me? They designed the ship from watching you. So... Take her out, Lieutenant... +Well, it's... This was a device we... discovered on an alien planet. We don't know what it does either. Why don't you just turn it on and see? +Where? Just GO! GO! DAMMIT PUNCH GO! +Faster Tommy. Get us out of here! It's as far as it goes! +Could be this. Push It. Hold it down. +Do your best, Tommy... Oh god... +All right, Gwen, Alex, Fred, follow me. Guy, set up the perimeter. Tommy, you keep a lookout, make a signal if they come back. What kind of signal? +What kind of signal? Anything. +Anything. "Okay, I'll do this... ""Caw Caw!""" +"Okay, I'll do this... ""Caw Caw!""" Tommy, we have these... +Oh, right, sorry. Okay, let's go. +Sorry Guys... It just went off. Good work, Tommy. Let's go! +Okay... On what? How about the pig-lizard? +How about the pig-lizard? Hey I was doing okay with the pig lizard. +Go for the eyes. Like in episode 22 with- It doesn't have eyes. +It doesn't have eyes. The throat, the mouth... Its vulnerable spots. +The throat, the mouth... Its vulnerable spots. It's a ROCK. It doesn't HAVE vulnerable spots! +NO NO NO. We've got to get out of here. C'mon, hurry +All right guys... Uh... Gwen and I are going to have to get to the core and shut it down manually. Fred, you and Guy need to get that air valve back on. Alex, see if you can get the prison doors open downstairs in case Fred and Guy can't get the oxygen back in time. Jason? What about me? What do I do? +Jason? What about me? What do I do? Practice driving, Tommy. +Pedal to the metal Tommy... Pedal to the metal... +Let's do it, Tommy. Commander?... Call me Laredo? +Commander?... Call me Laredo? Mark 20 Into the black hole, areao. +Hold course, Laredo! I'm trying Commander... Everything's a blur, but as long as I stay locked to that vox signal... +Continue forward, sir? Patience, Lt. . Patience. +Lieutenant Lathe, I confess I am beginning to feel a bit foolish myself. Chasing across the universe to obtain what is, I am now certain, a bauble of fiction. Tell me how best to obliterate this vessel? I would like nothing to remain. The core could be hardwired to overload without much effort. +Find them. But sir, my MEN. The core implosion is not reversible... +But sir, my MEN. The core implosion is not reversible... Find them. +enerao, I've host them. The maanetlsm o: the field Is disrupting our onstru- ~ait. There they are Get oacK on their tail. +WHAT? WH Because they're coming right at us. +Because they're coming right at us. Fire at will. hI~D NT. PROTECTOR +Some say that Hessians are invincible. They always say that. +Well, now there's something worth dying for. What do you think? Hmmm... she's beneath me, I'm afraid. +Hmmm... she's beneath me, I'm afraid. I wish she was beneath me. +Unfortunately, I'll never get the chance. I'm leaving in an hour for Congress to scream like a violated virgin about my promotion. Wasting my time, naturally... Look at her teasing those bumpkins. What does she see in them? +I'm accused of using some government wagons to ship personal property. Congress has been using our supply wagons for years to ship their black market goods -- probably their whores! +We've got to attack the British! Now! Have they put you in charge yet? Do we have an army yet? What is happening? Patience, Colonel Arnold. Active personalities terrify these men. But, congratulations on your victory at Ticonderoga... +I capture Quebec leading an Army by river fordings through Maine... If we don't do it, the British will come down Champlain, take back Ticonderoga and attack us in the spring. You'd have to travel hundreds of miles through the wilderness. +You'd have to travel hundreds of miles through the wilderness. Over three hundred miles. +Over three hundred miles. You seem pleased by the prospect. +You seem pleased by the prospect. Exceedingly. Besides, if I had half the wagons that were used to lug the rum to Philadelphia for this congress, I could move a whole army to the moon! +What's your frank estimation of the British? Well, you fought with them against the French and Iroquois, how good were they then? +Well, you fought with them against the French and Iroquois, how good were they then? They died well. Otherwise, they didn't do much right. But if we have war, the British will surely send their best troops: right now they have no other enemies. +They died well. Otherwise, they didn't do much right. But if we have war, the British will surely send their best troops: right now they have no other enemies. And a French alliance? +And a French alliance? Ben Franklin's going to Paris, but I think the French will be long on talk and short on guns. Our troops are mobs, they won't take orders, have no equipment... could they beat the British? +Ben Franklin's going to Paris, but I think the French will be long on talk and short on guns. Our troops are mobs, they won't take orders, have no equipment... could they beat the British? It comes down to leaders. If our leaders are ordinary men who truly believe; if they go into the forests with the troops, eat what they eat, fight with them, perhaps to die? The most common soldier will defy your most depressing expectation. +Arnold! I've come to report that we've had a bit of luck! +Damn-it! You've given us a whole new season, Benedict! And Congress thinks that the British are going to ride right over us come spring. Now half their army is back in Canada. Congress has picked up it's skirts and is racing for Baltimore. They're not waiting for spring! Of course, they still had time to deny my promotion. Even John Adams voted against it... +Congress has picked up it's skirts and is racing for Baltimore. They're not waiting for spring! Of course, they still had time to deny my promotion. Even John Adams voted against it... Why in hell would John do that? Why in hell would any of them do that? After all you've done, it's unbelievable! +Why in hell would John do that? Why in hell would any of them do that? After all you've done, it's unbelievable! Oh, they have reasons... there's a lot of confusion these days. +Oh, they have reasons... there's a lot of confusion these days. They don't trust me, that's the truth isn't it? Sam Adams never did. +They don't trust me, that's the truth isn't it? Sam Adams never did. But trust you to do what? One side in Congress wants compromise; another glorious battle; some surrender -- some, of course, just want power and money. But if you don't mind my asking, George, what are your plans? +We're in bad shape, Benedict, moral is low. Before I can do anything, I need Lee and his seven thousand troops. I've ordered him to join us three times. In my last letter I all but begged him to come here. The man is insubordinate. The man's waiting for you to get wiped off the stage so he can become commander and chief. +Go on... I want to hear everything. Congress is talking -- openly -- about replacing you with Lee. +Congress is talking -- openly -- about replacing you with Lee. Is that a fact. +Is that a fact. It is. +What do you think, George, shall I resign? It's what they want. Don't do anything rash, please, Benedict. +The army needs you. The army can survive without me. +The army can survive without me. Then, I need you. We all do. Without your victory the men would have no hope at all. +Then, I need you. We all do. Without your victory the men would have no hope at all. Someday, George, you may need to act for the good of the people no matter what Congress thinks that is. It may come down to us, or them someday. You or them. Cicero was right: was is 'a time when the laws are silent'. +Someday, George, you may need to act for the good of the people no matter what Congress thinks that is. It may come down to us, or them someday. You or them. Cicero was right: was is 'a time when the laws are silent'. I hope I never have to believe that. +I hope I never have to believe that. Christ, George, Joseph Reed's been writing letters back to Congress attacking you. Your own aide! +After visiting Congress I know what it's like being violated by come disproportionate asses! Ah, if she only knew that the most important men in the country -- possibly the world -- are sitting at this table... We're so damned important! Look at us -- Nathanael, you were a horse- shoer, Benedict, before this? +We're so damned important! Look at us -- Nathanael, you were a horse- shoer, Benedict, before this? Well, truth be told? I was a pharmacist. Alexander? +Well, George, who were you? I? You all know my history. +Our plan is to hit them as they leave. While they're strung out? +While they're strung out? Exactly. We'd attack the baggage wagons and the rear guard. It would cause the line to buckle. Then we hit the center with our main force and cut them in half. +They're ready. Believe me, the ones that stayed on here at Valley Forge are ready for anything. Of course, we get nothing from Congress. They need boots, coats... we desperately need food. Same old story. +There was this anonymous pamphlet circulated at Congress which says I am personally responsible for all our hardships. And... that I have encouraged the people of America to make me into a God! Benedict, it says that I have gone mad! That can't be. +That can't be. There's this whispering campaign against me ever since Gates won at Saratoga. +There's this whispering campaign against me ever since Gates won at Saratoga. Gates? He used my battle plan and I humbly submit that without me he'd still be back at Saratoga waiting for the British to attack. George, why haven't you moved into the Potts' house back at the creek? Much more befitting of a Commander and Chief than your field tent. And... you could entertain. I think you need to entertain more. Seriously! Get a few New Jersey whores up here, invite some Congressmen... couldn't hurt. +Gates? He used my battle plan and I humbly submit that without me he'd still be back at Saratoga waiting for the British to attack. George, why haven't you moved into the Potts' house back at the creek? Much more befitting of a Commander and Chief than your field tent. And... you could entertain. I think you need to entertain more. Seriously! Get a few New Jersey whores up here, invite some Congressmen... couldn't hurt. As soon as the men have good shelters I'll move. Perhaps Martha will join me this winter. +As soon as the men have good shelters I'll move. Perhaps Martha will join me this winter. There, then, you can have sort of a normal life. +Have you heard? The British are negotiating to make a trade for General Lee. I'm sure his dogs will be overjoyed. +I'm sure his dogs will be overjoyed. The point being: he's also a candidate for my job. If we can pull this off, maybe I can restore their faith in me. +That scum Joseph Reed... they're calling him the 'King of Pennsylvania'. The man's a budding Cromwell. He condemns rich Tories to death and then 'appropriates' their property for himself. Naturally, the pig hates me for every Tory I've saved. Couldn't you have appealed to Congress? +They love Reed and his inquisition! I think they hope to share in his disgusting profits! It's becoming the American way! You go too far, Benedict. +These men were taken from their homes at night, tried by Reed's courts -- which Congress recognizes -- and, well, you can see. Cut those men down. Congress is pushing ahead with your court-martial. Benedict, trust me to handle this. +Colonel, sir, Mrs. Washington inquires if you are going to join her for dinner? Tell Mrs. Washington I am compelled to stay a while longer. +You, you just need a new flint, General. You are never, never to touch my guns! Do you understand!? +You are never, never to touch my guns! Do you understand!? Yes, General. But if you have to shoot somebody, you can't. +Yes, General. But if you have to shoot somebody, you can't. None of the servants is to touch a gun! You know that! +None of the servants is to touch a gun! You know that! Well... I misunderstood, then. +Misunderstood what!? A lot of years have gone by. +A lot of years have gone by. What? What are you talking about? +What? What are you talking about? That you would have known you can trust me. +Me? You apologizing to me? Yes, William. I am apologizing. +Wil... Yes, general? +Yes, general? You've served me loyally, year after year, without complaining. I've thought hard about you this past winter. I want to free you, Wil. I want to give you your freedom, after this battle is fought. +You've served me loyally, year after year, without complaining. I've thought hard about you this past winter. I want to free you, Wil. I want to give you your freedom, after this battle is fought. Yes, general. +Yes, general. Wil, I'm giving you your freedom. Do you understand? +Wil, I'm giving you your freedom. Do you understand? No. I guess. +No. I guess. You'd have money every year, so you wouldn't have to work. You can stay at Mount Vernon as long as you want... +Wil, I want to remind you of a conversation we started just before Monmouth... I ain't forgot about the freedom. +Well, what have you thought? Well, general, I think I ain't got no school learning, I ain't got no trade... and I'm a drunk. So, I think there ain't much left to be set free. +No uniforms. No coats, even? In this weather? No, my lord. +No, my lord. What sort of boots would you say he's wearing? I should say, no sort of boots at all. Aren't those rags wrapped around his feet? Is that what he marched here in? +What sort of boots would you say he's wearing? I should say, no sort of boots at all. Aren't those rags wrapped around his feet? Is that what he marched here in? Yes, my lord. +Yes, my lord. And, is that a pitchfork beside him? +And, is that a pitchfork beside him? Many of them, many did not possess proper arms. My lord. +Negroes? Washington has black men in his army? Are they good fighters? What's that red ribbon on his arm, Colonel? Because they have hardly any uniforms, they designate officers with colored ribbons. My lord. +Because they have hardly any uniforms, they designate officers with colored ribbons. My lord. By red, what rank would you say this black, officer, soldier is, Colonel? +By red, what rank would you say this black, officer, soldier is, Colonel? I, don't know what color is what officer, my lord... +General Lee, welcome back. I'm happy you've decided to join us. More than that, sir... my orders from Congress. +I am to take command of Major General Lafayette's division and lead the attack. Lafayette will not be happy... +What the goddamned hell do you think you are doing!? The British! These men cannot stand against them! +The British! These men cannot stand against them! What do you know about these men!? They can stand against anything! They've seen more war than most field generals! They are not cowards, sir! They are not afraid! +Who is that!? That's Greene. He's supporting our reconsolidation. +That's Greene. He's supporting our reconsolidation. Marquis! Get these men reformed, send Steuben and Wayne out on the left... +Captain Alexander Hamilton, sir! Hamilton, you're going to have to cover our asses as we cross. +Hamilton, you're going to have to cover our asses as we cross. We've got powder but no ball! +We've got powder but no ball! Then use rocks! +How old are you, Captain? I'll be twenty next year, sir. +I'll be twenty next year, sir. I'll expect you for dinner this evening, Captain Hamilton. For Christ's sake, have a bath. +I'll expect you for dinner this evening, Captain Hamilton. For Christ's sake, have a bath. Delighted, sir. +Excuse me, General, but may I ask how do you feel? No one wants to turn the table on the enemy more than I. But if victory is remote and there's any hope for a negotiated peace, we must keep this army intact. +No one wants to turn the table on the enemy more than I. But if victory is remote and there's any hope for a negotiated peace, we must keep this army intact. Therefore, retreat. +I'm so inclined. Well, sir, then is it possible you called us all here just to hear what you wanted to hear. +General Washington, is there actually going to be a compromise, I mean, a 'deal' with England? And is that the most horrible thing in the world? +Captain, I want you to know that I respect your openness. It would make me happy if you'd join our table for dinner from now on. With pleasure... and an honor. Did you hear about Nathan Hale? +With pleasure... and an honor. Did you hear about Nathan Hale? That young school teacher... I heard the British hung him as a spy. +That young school teacher... I heard the British hung him as a spy. "But it's what he said, just before they killed him: ""I regret that I have but one life to give to my country.""" +They're among the best divisions the British have. No conscripts, no impressed recruits, just professional killers. It's a wonder they find the British cause worth dying for. +I was a clerk's apprentice on Saint Croix. But, then I went to King's College. To learn to shoot cannon? +Are you going to keep him, sir? We better, Congress invented him. +It's impossible to stop these men deserting in winter, you might as well stop geese from migrating. They go back home to keep their families alive, stay into the spring to plant. Then, they start coming back to us. +What are we going to do? Get the body of our army up to Greene's vanguard as fast as we can. All the damned fool has to do is hit the British rearguard and then hold for us. +General Greene is here. There are two other divisions here. Colonel Hamilton. Anyone who served under Arnold, I want them shipped north. I don't want any troops here who served under Arnold. +Yessir. Did you know that Arnold left the entire defenses of this fort in complete disrepair? Most of our cannons are so neglected they may as well have been spiked!? You realize what would happen if this fort fell? The whole Hudson would be open to them! +Sir, I think no such thing. Don't lie to me, Hamilton! If I had not court-martialed Arnold... +Don't lie to me, Hamilton! If I had not court-martialed Arnold... Sir, Arnold is a traitor. +Sir, Arnold is a traitor. I must tell you sir you treat me with disrespect! +I must tell you sir you treat me with disrespect! I am not conscious of it, sir! But since you have thought it necessary to tell me so, we part! +What is this? Congress has informed the army that it is bankrupt and cannot pay the soldiers pensions. +This is a declaration of insurrection! Who wrote this!? No one knows... +George, remember that night when we were drinking with Arnold? To hell with Arnold... +To hell with Arnold... He warned you some day you might have to act for the good of the people -- even if it was against Congress. George, the time has come for you to declare yourself king of America. Listen to me, the whole army would rise up as one and place you on a throne! George, you must declare yourself with us or against us. +He warned you some day you might have to act for the good of the people -- even if it was against Congress. George, the time has come for you to declare yourself king of America. Listen to me, the whole army would rise up as one and place you on a throne! George, you must declare yourself with us or against us. Is this a coup? Alexander, are you trying to tell me that I might be assassinated if I don't agree? +What's your advice, Alexander? March on Philadelphia! Get Joseph Reed, and the pigs in Congress, the speculators, who've grown fat off the war! Get them all! Sweep them aside! +I want to address the officers, all the officers. Next Friday. Can we arrange it at the mess? Yes, I believe so. +Yes, I believe so. Well, if it's my last order, then I order them to be there! Tell them I will give them my decision then. +Have you decided if you are going to join the Virginia Delegation to the Constitutional Convention? I'm not sure. +I'm not sure. George, you're the only man the people trust... trust with power. They know you won't betray them. +George, you're the only man the people trust... trust with power. They know you won't betray them. But it's more than just that, am I right? +That's why the people trust you George. Without someone at the convention, who has the people behind him, everything will fail. Will you do it? You're asking me to be president of a republic, not king? Not a dictator over subjects? +Horatio! Horatio Gates, of course you know John Adams of the Massachusetts Delegation. Good day, Mister Adams... George, what's the word from Boston? +Good day, Mister Adams... George, what's the word from Boston? The last I heard, a bunch of drunken militia have dug in on Breed's hill. With one stroke the British could cut them off and apparently their leaders are too dumb to see it. +The last I heard, a bunch of drunken militia have dug in on Breed's hill. With one stroke the British could cut them off and apparently their leaders are too dumb to see it. Who's in command out there? +Who's in command out there? Who the hell knows? Everyone's giving orders. It's all very democratic. +Who the hell knows? Everyone's giving orders. It's all very democratic. George, we've got to get you out there before we lose our whole army. +Well, John Adams, your cousin has a marvelous gift. Yes, an astonishing power over weak minds. +With your support, Horatio. As one of our own who has seen combat with the British, your opinion counts. As does your ability, Horatio. We must talk further, when it's more convenient. +You won't be needing his largess, Rhode Island is already committed to your appointment. I don't know: delivering men and delivering men with their goodwill are two different things. And, if he's popular with his men... +Colonel Charles Lee... Hounds and all. Quite the character. He's got a tremendous reputation. I think many would like to see him commander-in-chief. +If he supports the British why is it that every time he gets near them he kills so many of them? Unlike General Lee... who you and Congress backed for second in command and who is a goddamned incompetent! Lafayette is a child! +Lafayette is a child! Lafayette is my friend! He believes in glory and truth and the freedom of all mankind; so, of course he's a child. But he would have died before he would have let me down. +George, I'm sorry. We all know the army will acquit Arnold... Of course the army will acquit him, that's not the point... Arnold is a man and will understand. What I need to understand is, John, Sam... what is happening here? Who are those people in there? The fat ones in silk? +Of course the army will acquit him, that's not the point... Arnold is a man and will understand. What I need to understand is, John, Sam... what is happening here? Who are those people in there? The fat ones in silk? They are... friends of Congress. +They are... friends of Congress. Is that where our meat and boots and uniforms and muskets went? +Washington is perfect. He's a Southerner, he's a war hero and he's rich! He's from Virginia -- there is no more classist, elitist... English place on earth than Virginia. And, what in hell has he done for our cause? Washington has been preaching compromise, compromise, compromise! Hancock acts, he led the Boston Tea party! That's why New England loves him. +He's from Virginia -- there is no more classist, elitist... English place on earth than Virginia. And, what in hell has he done for our cause? Washington has been preaching compromise, compromise, compromise! Hancock acts, he led the Boston Tea party! That's why New England loves him. Hancock led the Boston 'tea party' because he's a goddamned tea smuggler! He wasn't protesting inequality, he was eliminating competition. Now, you listen to me: we need to get a Southerner elected commander-in-chief, or the south will not fight! What have we been struggling for all these years? For this moment! And, if we fail now, remember: you stopped us! +Let's not over do it... "I tell you every damned place I go the man is adored! ""General Washington! Champion of Trenton! Savior of the Republic!"" And you should hear the way people are deprecating Congress!" +"I tell you every damned place I go the man is adored! ""General Washington! Champion of Trenton! Savior of the Republic!"" And you should hear the way people are deprecating Congress!" Makes you gag. +Makes you gag. Gag on your own invention, then. +Gag on your own invention, then. Oh, come now... +Oh, come now... You invented this, this... +You think that? He has the soul of an aristocrat who'd like nothing more than to become a king in the minds of the people! +No one wants another failure right now, God knows. But people like Arnold and, God knows, I'm having my fears about General Washington. Finally!? It's people like these who, as soon as they get a little power, want more and more. More ale, here! +Finally!? It's people like these who, as soon as they get a little power, want more and more. More ale, here! Again, just to touch on a touchy subject, but... would the people accept another leader over Washington? +Partially... It's the political 'cost of doing business', George. +I doubt Arnold will be afraid. If he isn't, then he's stupid. +Did God ever make such a pitiful army? These men have suffered but I believe they will fight. +No officer is going to get these men to fight! They had the life crushed out of them on Long Island. At the most, perhaps we could make a feint at an outpost, then retire to protect Congress. I hear General Lee is holding seven thousand fresh infantry back in New York -- why won't he come on!? +I hear General Lee is holding seven thousand fresh infantry back in New York -- why won't he come on!? General Lee is detained captain... +General Lee is detained captain... Detained by what? +Detained by what? The British army, sir! +The British army, sir! The British Army is right back there, across that river! Sir! I think it must be something else that detains General Lee. +Congress is bitterly opposed to allowing Negroes in the army! We already have black soldiers in our army... +We already have black soldiers in our army... Unofficially, General Greene. +Unofficially, General Greene. What's the difference? +Any word from Canada? Spies from Quebec confirm that the British are sending an entire fleet down Lake Champlain... +Spies from Quebec confirm that the British are sending an entire fleet down Lake Champlain... A fleet? +My God... They mean to finish us. What about Arnold? He's up there. What can he do? The British have massive superiority. +If we have any hope for a compromise or truce with England now, we have to hold on here: our men must believe they can win -- the British must believe that somehow, in some mad, impossible way we might actually be able to hurt them. I understand, George. +Colonel Reed... George! So good to be back! +That damned Arnold is here, isn't he? Did you know he lost all his ships? Outrageous and completely unacceptable. Joseph, the British spent thousands of pounds and precious months putting together a fleet that Arnold stopped by sacrificing a heap of old barges. In my opinion he saved my army. +Joseph, the British spent thousands of pounds and precious months putting together a fleet that Arnold stopped by sacrificing a heap of old barges. In my opinion he saved my army. Well, George, Congress just passed a resolution censuring Arnold for destruction of government property. I wouldn't cast my fate with that man. +A grand scheme? A ground swell-Christian movement, George, you see? +A ground swell-Christian movement, George, you see? No. As a matter of fact I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. +No. As a matter of fact I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. To assert the rights of our founding fathers! This country was colonized by Christians! This shall become a Christian revolution. Surely as a good Christian you understand that! +What do you mean you're not a Christian? Of course you're a Christian, we're all Christians... I mean, I'm a Deist. A belief I share with the likes of Tom Jefferson and Ben Franklin. Surely you knew that. +I mean, I'm a Deist. A belief I share with the likes of Tom Jefferson and Ben Franklin. Surely you knew that. No, I did not. Really? Well, what the hell is a deist, precisely? +But the Hessians are there! No one can beat them! That's why Cornwallis stationed them there! They have the post of honor! They are invincible! They are also very religious. So, we will attack them three days from now, on Christmas. One force under me, and another to the south under Colonel Cadwalader... +They are also very religious. So, we will attack them three days from now, on Christmas. One force under me, and another to the south under Colonel Cadwalader... George, I'm afraid if you go through with this madness I must tender my resignation as your aide. I see where we're headed, you're putting your trust in the likes of Hamilton and Arnold... +George, I'm afraid if you go through with this madness I must tender my resignation as your aide. I see where we're headed, you're putting your trust in the likes of Hamilton and Arnold... How many generals do we have like Arnold? He's got guts -- he's vain, and he fights! +How many generals do we have like Arnold? He's got guts -- he's vain, and he fights! And, Hamilton? Greene? +And, Hamilton? Greene? They help me understand why we fight. +They help me understand why we fight. Understand? You need to be listening to people like John Adams, and to keep the best interest of the country first in your mind! +Understand? You need to be listening to people like John Adams, and to keep the best interest of the country first in your mind! Joseph, are you afraid to cross that river with me? I accept your resignation. With regret. You have leave to return to Philadelphia... +Gentlemen, let me get to the point, I can't see the wisdom of pursuing this old court-martial against General Arnold. The man is a traitor! +The man is a traitor! How can you say that? +Arnold is indispensable, do you understand? I need Arnold to help me win this war! Well, I shall deny him to you! He is evil on earth! +Well, I shall deny him to you! He is evil on earth! Are you all going insane!? Benedict Arnold! The man who stopped the British on Lake Champlain! Who carried the day at Saratoga! Goddamn-it, Joseph, you own two mansions, ride in an expensive, Tory coach! You are all nothing but a pack of greedy pigs! +However, through my relations with members of his majesty's court, I am a representative of the French government whose deepest desire is to be one people, united with our American brothers in arms to defeat the rapacious armies of King George of England. Vive la France! Vive l'Amerique! We have more officers created by Congress than we know what to do with. +We have more officers created by Congress than we know what to do with. But, general, I assure you my motives are sincere. +Sir, please accept my commission from Congress... and... You must see this portrait of my beautiful wife, Adrienne, we had the most perfect little baby girl just before I left. Her name is Henriette... What I want to know is sir: where is your daddy? +Gentlemen, my I introduce a French gentleman, recently appointed major general by Congress... Marie Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette. General Lafayette has brought us the greetings and goodwill of his countrymen, and... how many cases of muskets, Mon petite Marquis? Uh... none just now, but... +'Continentals', Congress' paper money. It was worthless to start with, but as you see, counter feiters have made them even less than worthless. Can you tell which one is fake? I... they look both the same. +I... they look both the same. The one with 'Philadelphia' spelled correctly is the counterfeit. +No, please; an advance on your salary. Mon General, I have come here to learn and to give, not to take. I am serving without salary. +Mon General, I have come here to learn and to give, not to take. I am serving without salary. You must be very rich. +You must be very rich. I am. Then, I understand you too serve without salary. You know, since your charming little victories at Trenton and Princeton, the French court is softening. I expect any time now a ship load of supplies... +I am. Then, I understand you too serve without salary. You know, since your charming little victories at Trenton and Princeton, the French court is softening. I expect any time now a ship load of supplies... 'Charming little victories?' Please don't expect much more of us, Monsieur. +'Charming little victories?' Please don't expect much more of us, Monsieur. I only meant... +I only meant... These supplies...? +These supplies...? Muskets and uniforms and Bayonets. +Muskets and uniforms and Bayonets. And how rusty are these muskets? +And how rusty are these muskets? Sir, these are our finest firearms from the armory at Charleville! They are a gift from the people of France! +Well, we will accept these charming little gifts. When we see them. Meanwhile, please, take your pick of a horse. I rode here, on my horse. +I rode here, on my horse. Chose another. Any general worth anything should have a brace of horses. +Because, if the British got off their asses and came up here, now, we would be smashed. And the revolution would be finished. Tell King Louis, it's that bad. Yes, I will write him and tell his ministers and the court. +Like flowers after the snow melts. When the snow melts, mon petite Marquis, I suspect the only thing blossoming will be bright red British soldiers. +What is it, Marquis? My baby daughter has died... my baby... mon petite Henriette... +My God! Who ordered this retreat?! General Lee, sir! +General Lee, sir! Get these men back in line! +I feel the same, sir. I will continue with our French allies, concentrating on New York. +It's another demonstration against the king. This is the wildest yet. My God, these people mean to go to war! They really mean it. +My God, these people mean to go to war! They really mean it. Surely you knew this was coming. +Surely you knew this was coming. War? No! I did not! When you said compromise was possible I believed it was probable. There's no middle ground at all? We're the King's children! +Our beloved father, the King, also refuses to bend. But to go to war over trade, over money? Surely there's still time for a compromise. +But to go to war over trade, over money? Surely there's still time for a compromise. Of course, if it were that simple. These people? They're after something else... +Of course, if it were that simple. These people? They're after something else... My God, what? +My God, what? The eternal dream of the disenfranchised, my dear: a classless world. Not a very real expectation. +Well, a very real expectation is the British will hang you! They'll burn Mount Vernon and they'll hang you! Our marriage is a business just as surely as... I'm very aware of that. +I'm very aware of that. I can not allow the fortune in slaves my first husband created and what our partnership has elevated, to be destroyed... +I can not allow the fortune in slaves my first husband created and what our partnership has elevated, to be destroyed... Don't be ridiculous, of course that won't happen. +Don't be ridiculous, of course that won't happen. Have you been reading what Minister Jefferson has to say? If he had his way, all our slaves would be freed no matter what the outcome. And that would destroy us as surely as a British victory. +The day Tom Jefferson frees a slave I'll ride naked through the streets of Williamsburg on a mule. Tom Jefferson is one of those people who talks big and acts small. The only man out there who really does what he says is Sam Adams and everyone thinks he's crazy. Believe me, this 'disturbance' isn't going to last long. You have to understand, congress is a chicken coop full of foxes, Martha, each and every one has his eye on a nice, fat prize. And, what 'prize' do you see? What could we possible gain? +And, what 'prize' do you see? What could we possible gain? Everything. If we force Britain into concessions it will open up the western lands -- and that would be a boon for our family. We already have more slaves than we need, but we need more land. +But, as usual, it will not go well for... them. Martha, you must trust me. You're no fool, George. You never have been. +"""Liberty, Virtue, Country""... That's from Cato... you know, that play about the noble Romans? As I was riding up to Philadelphia, I found myself thinking about the old days..." When you lived with the Fairfaxes? +When you lived with the Fairfaxes? When I was a young man we used to recite Cato... We would come together recite it like they were words from heaven. Devotion to country, duty, purity of heart... Purity of heart. I was drunk on something then... +When I was a young man we used to recite Cato... We would come together recite it like they were words from heaven. Devotion to country, duty, purity of heart... Purity of heart. I was drunk on something then... That's when Sally Fairfax was tutoring you... +That's right... And have you heard anything from our dear friend, Sally? What with all the rumors getting back to England. I thought she might inquire after us. But then I believe she always looked down on us. +Did you know that Jefferson has proposed a law in Virginia aiming at an absolute separation of state from the church? I think I heard that. +I think I heard that. It's an anti-Christian dogma! I cannot believe you are so calm about it! +It's an anti-Christian dogma! I cannot believe you are so calm about it! What else? From Virginia? +What else? From Virginia? Well, I wouldn't want to trouble you with this now. +Martha... what? Virginia is outraged with your order allowing Negroes to fight in the army. There's a deep feeling of hurt and betrayal. They wanted you commander because they expected you would look out for our interests. +Virginia is outraged with your order allowing Negroes to fight in the army. There's a deep feeling of hurt and betrayal. They wanted you commander because they expected you would look out for our interests. To win this war I need an army. +To win this war I need an army. Oh, indeed? You know very well people are frightened of arming the Negroes! They beg you to consider the future. What good is a revolution if it overturns those things we cherish!? +Oh, indeed? You know very well people are frightened of arming the Negroes! They beg you to consider the future. What good is a revolution if it overturns those things we cherish!? What's the point of a revolution if it doesn't? +What's the point of a revolution if it doesn't? Some things must never change. +Some things must never change. Is that why you come in here tossing pennies to my starving men? It's damned condescending! +Is that why you come in here tossing pennies to my starving men? It's damned condescending! Don't condescend to me! We have both of us prospered from the arrangements of our kind... +Don't condescend to me! We have both of us prospered from the arrangements of our kind... Our 'kind'? What is that supposed to mean? These men are all I have left and they stay because they will fight! They desire it! They seek it! Of course Virginia is terrified! For my soldiers this is a war to obliterate the 'upper class' from the face of the earth! Should I tell them all to go home because if they win it will ruin me!? It is impossible for me to imagine that Negroes are fighting so that only white men may be free! If we win this war they will own this country too! +Well, we must keep in mind the Dower Laws. One third of everything we have is mine and since our Negroes have been interbreeding, it would be legally impossible to distinguish them. Martha! For God's sake! +Martha! For God's sake! Leave me, now sir, I am tired. +Leave me, now sir, I am tired. Come out and meet my soldiers. They're good people. +Not today. I want you to see our hospital. +I want you to see our hospital. I don't want to see your hospital. +We can't take them. Are you all right? We're leaving them? +We're leaving them? They're finished, they can't help us anymore! They've done their duty, General Greene, now you do yours! +They're finished, they can't help us anymore! They've done their duty, General Greene, now you do yours! Yessir! +Colonel Washington? Colonel Nathanael Greene, Rhode Island Militia. Yes, yes, happy to meet you. +Yes, yes, happy to meet you. I... I'm possessed of the idea of a command in your army, sir. +I... I'm possessed of the idea of a command in your army, sir. It isn't my army yet, Colonel Greene. Looks like you've seen some action -- did you hurt your leg, in a fight? +It isn't my army yet, Colonel Greene. Looks like you've seen some action -- did you hurt your leg, in a fight? I was born with a limp, sir. The Militia used to hate it when I marches with them because my pike would always sway... +But, you do come from a military family? I have commanded the Rhode Island Militia for a year now. My father is an ironmaster. As was I. +A horseshoer? Yes, but I've spent the last winter studying all the great battles of history. And I read the lives of Caesar, Alexander, Hannibal... Sir, I'm volunteering you the wholehearted support of the Rhode Island army. +The only way to get discipline into these men is to beat it into them! Fifty lashes each! Sir, Congress hasn't issued their pay for two months, many have not eaten properly for at least that long. You're being a little hard on them, don't you think? +Sir, Congress hasn't issued their pay for two months, many have not eaten properly for at least that long. You're being a little hard on them, don't you think? Nathanael, someone bred to station, bred to being a gentleman -- unlike these men -- his sense of duty naturally prevails over the baser needs. +Nathanael, someone bred to station, bred to being a gentleman -- unlike these men -- his sense of duty naturally prevails over the baser needs. Well sir, I was an ironmaster before you got me. Maybe I will let you down yet. +I certainly didn't mean you. Of course you are a gentleman, an officer and a gentleman. You wrong me, general; I am an officer and a horse-shoer. +General Greene? I'm with Captain Hamilton. +I'm with Captain Hamilton. Yes, I thought that's how you'd feel, Nathanael. +They're just disgusting, jealous, bottom-feeding swine. It's their nature. You have a free tongue, Captain Hamilton. +Sir, if you don't mind my saying, I don't understand your history at all. I mean, why would you want to win the war? You're not after glory, like Benedict... You're a slave owner, and yet you invite blacks to fight in your army. You don't believe I can fight from a sense of duty and patriotism? +You don't believe I can fight from a sense of duty and patriotism? No. We're all of us after something. It's easy for me to fight for the common man. My father could only dream that I would be... a general someday? And what of my daughter or son? I know what I'm after. But now, with all this talk about compromise? It means the rich will just be more wealthy and the common man has no hope. +No. We're all of us after something. It's easy for me to fight for the common man. My father could only dream that I would be... a general someday? And what of my daughter or son? I know what I'm after. But now, with all this talk about compromise? It means the rich will just be more wealthy and the common man has no hope. I will not betray you, Nathanael. +I will not betray you, Nathanael. But you are an aristocrat and a slave owner. Sir. +At one time I could have chosen not to be. Then, maybe I do see what you're after -- perhaps... you get to chose again... +What the hell are we doing? You've got to stop them here or our whole line will cave-in! It's all right boys, I'm here! +Nathanael, I'm sending you to Virginia to head the southern army, to harass Cornwallis. Marquis, you must go with him. I'm honored, but, reluctant to leave you. +Sir, I have to act on instructions from you ordering thirty copies of your own dress uniform... They're for my bodyguard. I have an absolute conviction that Arnold is planning to have me assassinated! It will be harder if I am surrounded by a body of men who look like me, don't you think? +They're for my bodyguard. I have an absolute conviction that Arnold is planning to have me assassinated! It will be harder if I am surrounded by a body of men who look like me, don't you think? Yes sir, it's a wise idea... +Well, this must be about something! It is; we need you George. +If the constitution is ratified... we'll have a country. They'll want to elect you president of the convention, which means president of the country. You know, I came back to Mount Vernon to retire. I don't need to be in government. +Well, the widow Curtis will bring you riches, position, land, even half-grown children. You won't have to do anything at all! You shan't have to do another thing to prove yourself. You know very well who it is that I love. +You know very well who it is that I love. Is that the truth? Well, we can't carry on like animals any longer. +George, you know I only love you, but... But not more than your comfort. +But not more than your comfort. And what is this, then? Been off to fight the French because you are a patriot? Or is this you, gaining your long sought after rise in society by becoming victorious in war!? +And what is this, then? Been off to fight the French because you are a patriot? Or is this you, gaining your long sought after rise in society by becoming victorious in war!? That's a lie! +That's a lie! Is it? William says now you have requested a British Commission, why not colonial? I'll clear it up for you, sir, because as a British officer you can lord over colonial yokels -- more than that, it will even get you into polite society! Your dream come true, George, the only dream that really matters to you. +Is it? William says now you have requested a British Commission, why not colonial? I'll clear it up for you, sir, because as a British officer you can lord over colonial yokels -- more than that, it will even get you into polite society! Your dream come true, George, the only dream that really matters to you. Perhaps you've been counting my acres, Mrs. Fairfax, and discovered exactly how poor I really am. +Perhaps you've been counting my acres, Mrs. Fairfax, and discovered exactly how poor I really am. Now that is a lie! See how much you want to create a scandal in exchange for a glowing reputation and polite society laid at your feet! When you break off your engagement to Martha Curtis, I'll divorce William! Do you hear? You get what you want from this world, then throw it all away on love! +Now that is a lie! See how much you want to create a scandal in exchange for a glowing reputation and polite society laid at your feet! When you break off your engagement to Martha Curtis, I'll divorce William! Do you hear? You get what you want from this world, then throw it all away on love! I'd throw everything away for you. +You remember, George, when we were 'studying' the great philosophers? I remember a pair of young philosophers once, who laughed at the world. +I remember a pair of young philosophers once, who laughed at the world. Well, I remember a philosopher who said something that I used to think was just another of those stupid class denouncements... but which I now see means us all. +Well, I remember a philosopher who said something that I used to think was just another of those stupid class denouncements... but which I now see means us all. Really? Which precious homily was it? +Really? Which precious homily was it? """Mankind is born free, but everywhere he is in chains...""" +So, you are William's wild young neighbor? Or should I say, 'brother'; William claims you as a member of his family. I have heard so many unflattering tales about you, and I understand, that except for you, this 'family' is quite cultivated. George, I'm sorry. +George, I'm sorry. Oh, but you must not mind my talking about you! In fact, William says my main job here at Belvoir is to civilize you; to make an honest English gentleman out of you. +Oh, but you must not mind my talking about you! In fact, William says my main job here at Belvoir is to civilize you; to make an honest English gentleman out of you. That's not what I said! Now, Sally, you're embarrassing me! Watch out for her, George; she talks refinement, but she has a barbarous soul! +We can grow three primary crops in a season and, if we have some luck, we get a forth. The temperature is generally mild. Except for that, quite like home; England, that is. +Except for that, quite like home; England, that is. Hear that, George? Sally's actually taken to thinking of this clod of earth as her home. And it's her first tour. We're gratified, aren't we George? +Think what the play means, William. Perhaps these words have a place in the real world. Words, words, words! Sally has been tutoring George in the philosophies, isn't that right? +Where... do those men come from, George? Africa, of course. +Africa, of course. Africa? That's so far? How do they get here? +Africa? That's so far? How do they get here? Slavers capture them and bring them here. +Slavers capture them and bring them here. Capture them? Well, I've never seen anything like it, so... of course I'm curious. +Capture them? Well, I've never seen anything like it, so... of course I'm curious. Sally, our slave system is a British law... +The word 'minuet' finds its source in minitus, which is Latin meaning 'small' or 'orderly'. Or, 'civilized'. +Or, 'civilized'. In the minuet, George, every movement is significant, like the strut of cranes... +Cranes? Who needs to walk like a crane? That's just my interpretation. Actually it's a dance designed as a sentiment of courtly manners. You see? Walk in a gently 'Z'. There are four distinct movements... +What do you really think of the minuet, anyway? It's stupid, of course. +Then why are you teaching me...? Perhaps you best ask, why you wish it. You asked William to teach you manners, philosophy, decorum... as I said, it's completely stupid. +I always though London was the place to be: capital of the world, the most spectacular city on earth. The place to want to be is America. Every English child dreams of it. I dreamt it. +The place to want to be is America. Every English child dreams of it. I dreamt it. I think America suits you. +Do you? When I saw those men yesterday in the field... and the women and children in those hovels? I'm not so sure if America is as far from England as I'd hoped. It's the freest land on earth. +It's the freest land on earth. Is it? Well, I'm scared of what we've become in our freedom. +Is it? Well, I'm scared of what we've become in our freedom. Well, we must be who we must be... +And to think I am teaching you to become one of them... What else should I become? There's no difference between Virginia and England. I must be educated if I'm to take my place in society. My father couldn't afford to send me to England for school -- he made a shambles of our fortunes. Everyone laughs at me. +I don't laugh at you, George. I like you. I like you because you will never, ever make it as an aristocrat... and that's because you're completely incompetent at hiding your feelings. I think I will disappoint you. +What are you doing? Let's get you darker! +Let's get you darker! You're out of your mind! +You're out of your mind! Why? Juba was an African and you want to look the part -- hold still. +Why? Juba was an African and you want to look the part -- hold still. They can use their imaginations. +They can use their imaginations. Those people? I doubt they'd think of this. Ooo, you're wonderful this color! +I've been surprised in an unguarded hour, But must not now go back; the love that lay, Half smothered in my breast, has broke through all, Its weak restraints, and burns in its full lustre. I cannot, if I would, conceal it from thee. I'm lost in ecstasy! And dost thou love, Thou charming maid? +I'm lost in ecstasy! And dost thou love, Thou charming maid? And dost thou live to ask it? +"Remember, George, ""It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.""" That's good... who? +That's good... who? Voltaire, of course... +You are a slave owner! You have been illegally surveying lands beyond the Ohio Valley! That land belongs to the natives! That land belongs to the strongest. +All people have rights! Just because they are born? +Just because they are born? Yes! +Yes! Who says so? +Who says so? I say! +I say! I see... +I see... And 'others', say... have you even read Locke, Vattel, Voltaire, Diderot... +And 'others', say... have you even read Locke, Vattel, Voltaire, Diderot... Are these philosopher going to be here to help you fight your war? You know why I don't trust revolutions? Because each of us is who we are: we make speeches, print pamphlets, and we never change. The world is not a philosophical abstraction, Mister Adams, it's us. And, I don't believe you can ever change human nature. +You hear that? That? I hear a mob: unemployed, drunkards, vagabonds... the world's dregs. +That? I hear a mob: unemployed, drunkards, vagabonds... the world's dregs. Well, I hear 'The People'. Indentured servants, freed slaves... escaped slaves. The world's castaways. And, my fear is, in the scramble for power that's coming, you will betray them. +Is that your test of patriotism, George; if a man will die for you? God damn you, Sam Adams! You wanted a revolutionary army and now that we've really got one it scares you more than it does the British! +The land here is best for grain and corn. Though, sometimes we get frost and that can cut the season. +My daughter, I ask only... This, this is life indeed! Life worth preserving, Such life as Juba never felt till now. +For God sake, get that horrid stuff off your face. You look like a damned slave! It's damned humiliating. Juba was a Numidian. +Juba was a Numidian. He was not black! He was... tan! Weathered! +William, we've been studying hard, I really know my stuff. Don't be silly, you have whole worlds to fathom. +What is this? An Oldsmobile Silhouette. +An Oldsmobile Silhouette. I reserved a Cadillac. +I reserved a Cadillac. Yeah, well, this one's the Cadillac of minivans. +Yeah, well, this one's the Cadillac of minivans. You're kidding me, right? +You're kidding me, right? Hey, you want La Tierra Rent-A-Car just over there, but I think all they got are Rabbit convertibles. +Shit, now someone's gotta climb down there and get him. You didn't have to shoot him, Bo. We coulda just beat him up some. +You didn't have to shoot him, Bo. We coulda just beat him up some. You see that? The way the man just went right over? +Cat, that's the lamest idea I've ever heard. Yeah, well, I'm bored, Bear. I wanna make movies. +And I mean high up in it. That's why Harry's gonna make Mr. Lovejoy with me, not Chili Palmer. Mr. Lovejoy? That's cute, Bo. +Mr. Lovejoy? That's cute, Bo. Doesn't matter what it's called, Harry's got Martin Weir and it's gonna be big. +Doesn't matter what it's called, Harry's got Martin Weir and it's gonna be big. They all sound big at the talking stage. +He knew it was a set up. He was ready for it. So where's the money? +So where's the money? I guess still in the locker. +I guess still in the locker. You guess? You mean you don't know? +You guess? You mean you don't know? I mean I don't care. +You see the paper? I seen it, but I don't believe it. Says Harry shot Ronnie five times. Four to the chest and one through his foot. +I seen it, but I don't believe it. Says Harry shot Ronnie five times. Four to the chest and one through his foot. His foot. Jeez, poor Ronnie... +His foot. Jeez, poor Ronnie... Yeah, I'm really gonna miss him. +Listen, tonight, later on, I got one for you doesn't involve any heavy work. I want you to go have a look around Chili Palmer's hotel room. I can't. I got to take Farrah to Satan's place down in Costa Mesa. +I can't. I got to take Farrah to Satan's place down in Costa Mesa. Who? +Who? Her mother. Not that it matters because I don't work for you no more. I quit. I just wanted to come by, tell you to your face so there's no misunderstanding. +Her mother. Not that it matters because I don't work for you no more. I quit. I just wanted to come by, tell you to your face so there's no misunderstanding. Whoa... This is the man used to jump offa high buildings? +Whoa... This is the man used to jump offa high buildings? Into air bags. There's no cushion under what you're doing. I'm out of it, Cat. I'm done. +Into air bags. There's no cushion under what you're doing. I'm out of it, Cat. I'm done. Bear. The Colombians are in L.A. Seems they all upset about their money. That ain't enough, as a bonus, it turns out the yoyo was Escobar's nephew. +Bear. The Colombians are in L.A. Seems they all upset about their money. That ain't enough, as a bonus, it turns out the yoyo was Escobar's nephew. That's your problem. You shouldn't've smoked the guy. +He's gonna plea-deal his way out. Give up this ace stunt man now one of the West Coast dope kings, if they go easy on the Cat. Come here, Farrah... +I heard in the Federal joints they let you spend an extra five minutes at the glass with your Daddy on Father's Day. Farrah. Come here. +After this one, I'm out, Cat, you understand? This is the last time we talk to each other. Remember Harry's story about the dry cleaner Palmer was after? Guy who stole the three hundred grand from the airline? +Remember Harry's story about the dry cleaner Palmer was after? Guy who stole the three hundred grand from the airline? What about him? +What about him? I was thinking tonight you could go have a look around Palmer's hotel room while I go check out Karen Flores' place. See if he hasn't stashed it somewhere. +I was thinking tonight you could go have a look around Palmer's hotel room while I go check out Karen Flores' place. See if he hasn't stashed it somewhere. And if we don't happen to find it under Palmer's mattress or inside Karen Flores' undie drawer? What then? +And if we don't happen to find it under Palmer's mattress or inside Karen Flores' undie drawer? What then? Just do what I told you and meet me back here at midnight. +You get the money? No. What's this? +No. What's this? Plan B. Here ya go, honey... +Trade for what? The money. Fuck. I gotta think... +You get life for kidnapping. Calm down, Bear... +Calm down, Bear... Calm down? We're going away for life and you tell me to calm down? +Hell, why not just shoot her? Why not shoot everybody. Fuckin' shoot me. Shoot the fuckin' president? Don't fade on me now, Bear. Not unless you wanna hold Farrah on your lap in a room fulla felons. +And that's for the airport. Hey, he should have a weapon, a knife or something. +Hey, he should have a weapon, a knife or something. We'll get it later. +You keep hittin' him like that, he ain't gonna look like he broke in anymore, he gonna look like someone beat him up and then shot him. You're right. +I don't know how I could've missed you with that shirt on. It's the same as the other one you had only the hibiscus are a different color. Right? So you didn't have the key with you. +So you didn't have the key with you. You think I'd be standing here? You set somebody up and you want it to work, it has to be a surprise. Can you remember that? +You think I'd be standing here? You set somebody up and you want it to work, it has to be a surprise. Can you remember that? You spotted them, huh? +What, did you see it work in some movie you got beat up in? I have to ask you for that key. +I have to ask you for that key. What, the setup didn't work so you want the key back? +What, the setup didn't work so you want the key back? Catlett says if you don't open the locker the deal's off. +Catlett says if you don't open the locker the deal's off. You serious? This is how you guys do business? I can't believe you aren't dead. +Look, there's no fuckin' way I'm gonna give you the key, outside of you point a gun at my head. Then we might have something to talk about. Now step away from the car. I don't need a gun. Where is it? If it isn't on you, it's around here someplace. +What're you hanging around with a guy like that for? You were in the movies, right? A stuntman? What's he ever done he can talk about? You feel okay? Not too bad. +Not too bad. How 'bout when you went down the stairs? +I think I pulled my quadriceps. So... how many movies you been in? +So... how many movies you been in? About sixty. +About sixty. No shit? What're some of 'em? +Where is my nephew? Your who? +Your who? Yayo. Where is he? +He's my sister's kid. No papa. Not too bright. Personally, I think he's a retard. I only gave him the job as a favor for my sister, you understand? Sure. Family. I know how that goes. +Sure. Family. I know how that goes. He comes up here with our product. He suppose to come home with five hundred thousand dollars. He never shows up. Meanwhile, my sister's going crazy calling me all the time worried about him. Me, I just wanna know what happened to my focking money. +He comes up here with our product. He suppose to come home with five hundred thousand dollars. He never shows up. Meanwhile, my sister's going crazy calling me all the time worried about him. Me, I just wanna know what happened to my focking money. Well, I don't know. I gave the man his money, sent him on his way. +Well, I don't know. I gave the man his money, sent him on his way. You gave him the money? +You gave him the money? I gave him a key to a locker that had the money in it. +I gave him a key to a locker that had the money in it. Now why would you do that? Put the money in a locker? +Now why would you do that? Put the money in a locker? Because there were a zillion DEA guys hanging around the terminal. +Because there were a zillion DEA guys hanging around the terminal. A zillion, huh? That's a lot. +Maybe your nephew panicked, took off. Where's your partner, the jumpy one? Why isn't he here? +Where's your partner, the jumpy one? Why isn't he here? He's around someplace. +He's around someplace. I hear he's around Palm Springs. Dealing our product. Product we sold to you for five hundred thousand dollars. Why do you keep talking to me bullshit? I think maybe I have Ramon and Ceasar staple your tongue to your chin. What do you think? +You know, you speak very good English, Mr. Escobar. I went to UC San Diego. We're gonna spend the weekend at the Universal Sheraton. We're gonna take the tour. See the shark. Check out the Miami Vice Action Spectacular. After, we'll come here, get our money. +What's this movie you're doing first? Harry, let me answer that. +But first I want to know who I'm talking to. Am I talking to you, or am I talking to him? You can talk to me. +You can talk to me. That's what I thought. So let me put it this way... +You understand I knew Harry was lying, saying this wasn't any good, but holding on to it, man, like you have to break his fingers to get it from him. That's funny, I was just wondering what I was gonna break of yours to get it away from you. +I'm just explaining to you what I'm doing here. Case you think I come to rob the place, rip off any of this dusty old shit the man has. I'd never make you as a burglar, not in that outfit. +Harry called you his associate, but what does that mean? I never heard your name or read it in Variety or The Reporter or anyplace. It's what he said, I'm his associate. +It's what he said, I'm his associate. You must bring something heavy to the deal. +You must bring something heavy to the deal. That's right, me. +Says here you're getting Martin Weir for the part of Lovejoy. Yeah, we're getting Martin. +Yeah, we're getting Martin. No shit, come on. How you gonna do that? +No shit, come on. How you gonna do that? I put a gun right here... ...and I tell him, 'Sign the paper Marty or your fuckin' dead.' Like that. +I put a gun right here... ...and I tell him, 'Sign the paper Marty or your fuckin' dead.' Like that. I wonder, would that work? You know who I see for Al Roxy? Harvey Keitel. The man could do it in his sleep. +I wonder, would that work? You know who I see for Al Roxy? Harvey Keitel. The man could do it in his sleep. "Harvey Keitel. Yeah. Maybe. He was pretty good in the movie ""Fingers""." +"Harvey Keitel. Yeah. Maybe. He was pretty good in the movie ""Fingers""." I missed that one. Or, hey, you know who else? Morgan Freeman. You know Morgan? +I missed that one. Or, hey, you know who else? Morgan Freeman. You know Morgan? Yeah, Morgan Freeman. But he's a colored guy. +Yeah, Morgan Freeman. But he's a colored guy. So what? Where's it say in this script he's white? Color is what the part needs, man, somebody to do it has some style. The way it is now, Ronnie could do it, play himself, some cracked out asshole. So whatta you think of the script? +"Title's the first thing's got to go. And the guy's name. I mean, even this writer's name, Murray Saffrin is better than ""Lovejoy""." I'm with you on that. And don't you think it needs a good female part? Increase the romance angle. +There's Ilona. What about her? +What about her? Get something going there. +Get something going there. With Ilona? You know how old Ilona is? +With Ilona? You know how old Ilona is? She's... young. +She's... young. Young? She's fuckin' nine-years-old, same age as Lovejoy's kid. Bernie. One she calls Bernard. Have you read the script? +Young? She's fuckin' nine-years-old, same age as Lovejoy's kid. Bernie. One she calls Bernard. Have you read the script? Yeah, I read it. I was just thinking you could make her older. We might even be able to get Karen Flores. +Yeah, I read it. I was just thinking you could make her older. We might even be able to get Karen Flores. Who? +Who? She's been out of movies a few years, but she's good. Real good. +You know how to write one of these? There's nothin' to know. You have an idea, you write down what you wanna say. Then you get somebody to add in the commas and shit where they belong, if you aren't positive yourself. Maybe fix up the spelling where you have some tricky words... although I've seen scripts where I know words weren't spelled right and there was hardly any commas in it at all. So I don't think it's too important. Anyway, you come to the last page you write in 'Fade out' and that's the end, you're done. +There's nothin' to know. You have an idea, you write down what you wanna say. Then you get somebody to add in the commas and shit where they belong, if you aren't positive yourself. Maybe fix up the spelling where you have some tricky words... although I've seen scripts where I know words weren't spelled right and there was hardly any commas in it at all. So I don't think it's too important. Anyway, you come to the last page you write in 'Fade out' and that's the end, you're done. That's all there is to it, huh? +That's all there is to it, huh? That's all. +I really think I can be of service on this one. Yeah, well, we need a ride somewhere, we'll let you know. +I need the money. What money? +What money? The three hundred grand you got from a little dry cleaner named Leo. +The three hundred grand you got from a little dry cleaner named Leo. Lemme see if I got this right, you break into Karen Flores' house, ask me for three hundred grand, doesn't even belong to you? +I can't believe the way you guys do business out here. I can't believe how fucked up your organization is. Tell you what... +How 'bout I give you to three, then I organize your fuckin' brains all over the wall back there. One... What, you gonna shoot me now, Bo? +What, you gonna shoot me now, Bo? In just a second. Two... +In just a second. Two... I don't believe this. +I don't believe this. Three. +Karen? You okay? She can't talk right now. +That's a nice scream, lady. You oughta be in movies. Alright, Bo. You can have the money... but it's not here. I have to go get it. +Alright, Bo. You can have the money... but it's not here. I have to go get it. Okay. Fine. The meantime, I'll just hang on to her for safe keeping. +You know Laurel Canyon? I'll find it. +I'll find it. I'm at 8150 Wonderland Avenue. It's right off Laurel. +I'm at 8150 Wonderland Avenue. It's right off Laurel. Gimme an hour. +Where's Karen? In the can. That the money? +She's great. Gimme the money. First you and me gotta get a couple things straight. +You broke in my house and I have a witness to it. What? +Only this time, no John Wayne and Dean Martin shooting the bad guys in El Dorado. It was Rio Bravo. Robert Mitchum was the drunk in El Dorado, Dean Martin in Rio Bravo, practically the same part. John Wayne, he also did the same thing in both. He played John Wayne. +It was Rio Bravo. Robert Mitchum was the drunk in El Dorado, Dean Martin in Rio Bravo, practically the same part. John Wayne, he also did the same thing in both. He played John Wayne. Man, I can't wait for you to be dead. +Man, I can't wait for you to be dead. Bear, you're not really gonna –- +"Harry, you think we go to see your movies? I've seen better film on teeth. Makes no difference to me which one our money's in. So how 'bout you take our twenty points out of ""Freaks"" and put 'em in this other one, ""Mr. Loverboy""." I can't do it. +I can't do it. You positive about that? +You positive about that? It's a different kind of deal. +Bo. I'm great. Listen, I'm expecting some people –- You must be makin' some big deals, doin' lunch in a place like this? +You must be makin' some big deals, doin' lunch in a place like this? I'm working on a few things. +I'm working on a few things. Yeah, I hear you bagged Martin Weir for Mr. Lovejoy. +Yeah, I hear you bagged Martin Weir for Mr. Lovejoy. Boy, this town. Word gets around, doesn't it? +Last night. When he called me over to your office to talk about it. Chili Palmer showed you my script? +Chili Palmer showed you my script? Yeah, I was wondering why he should do that. +Listen, Harry, how would you like to get your hands on five hundred grand? You pay me back at your convenience, no interest. You serious? +You serious? All I want in return is to work on the movie with you. Fact I already got some ideas on how to fix it up. +How 'bout another one for Mr. Zimm. A double. You're gonna just give me five hundred grand? +You're gonna just give me five hundred grand? We'll talk about that, Harry. But first I gotta know, how'd you hook up with Chili Palmer. +He was watching Letterman, huh? Sneaky, that Chili Palmer. So, he ever find this dry cleaner, the one with all that money on him? Leo, I don't know. +Assuming I go along with this, when can I have the five hundred? Whenever you want it. The money's in hundred dollar bills inside one of those jock bags, you know? In a locker at the airport, waiting to be picked up. +Whenever you want it. The money's in hundred dollar bills inside one of those jock bags, you know? In a locker at the airport, waiting to be picked up. The airport. +The airport. It was waiting out there on another deal, one that didn't go through; one you don't want to know about. +I don't know. It's not the kind of thing you do. +C-18. That's the magic number. +I can hear you, but where the fuck are you, man? What I been wondering is where's he been. +What I been wondering is where's he been. Yeah, where've you been? We haven't heard from you lately. +Okay. Then be good enough to hand us our money back, or you think about us coming in on this new one. By Friday, man, or you're fuckin' dead as disco. +You get to town, you go straight to the bank, raid the limo account. I'm already in town, but it don't matter. We got dick in the bank. We dumped it all in Harry's movie. +I'm already in town, but it don't matter. We got dick in the bank. We dumped it all in Harry's movie. What I'm sayin' is the man wants his money and he wants it now. +Ray Barboni? Who is this? +Who is this? Are you the guy they called Ray Bones? +Are you the guy they called Ray Bones? Depends. Who's this? +Depends. Who's this? Who is this? I'm the one telling you the way it is, okay, asshole? That's who I am. Now you want your three hundred grand or don't you? +Who is this? I'm the one telling you the way it is, okay, asshole? That's who I am. Now you want your three hundred grand or don't you? What three hundred grand? +What three hundred grand? The three hundred grand a guy named Leo Devoe scammed off an airline. The three hundred grand Chili Palmer now has in his possession. +Hello? You there? Yeah, I'm here. I just don't like the anonymous crap. It means your either chickenshit or not for real. +Yeah, I'm here. I just don't like the anonymous crap. It means your either chickenshit or not for real. Yeah? Well, trust me. I'm very for real. +Yeah? Well, trust me. I'm very for real. Okay. So who are you? +Okay. So who are you? I work for Harry Zimm, alright? +I work for Harry Zimm, alright? Who? +Who? Harry Zimm. The man happens to be a major Hollywood player. +Harry Zimm. The man happens to be a major Hollywood player. Never heard of him. +Never heard of him. Maybe that's because you've never been out've fuckin' Miami, dipshit. Maybe it's time you got on a plane, flew out to L.A. and took a meeting with Mr. Zimm. +So, what, this Zimm guy asking for some kinda finders fee, that what we're talking about here? Hey, Zimm doesn't ask for dick. Zimm tells you the way it is... or else. +Hey, Zimm doesn't ask for dick. Zimm tells you the way it is... or else. Or else what? +Or else what? Or else use your fucking imagination. +Where's Leo Devoe? Where's Chili Palmer? Where's my fuckin' money? Ray. Look at me. +What? Look at me, Ray. +Look at me, Ray. You say look at you? +You say look at you? That's correct. Look at me. +How'd you get in here? I told them I was you. I acted stupid and they believed me. +I told them I was you. I acted stupid and they believed me. So what brings you to L.A., Bones? +So what brings you to L.A., Bones? Don't insult me. Get up and turn around. +Why would I do that? 'Cause the guy's a customer now, stupid. His ass belongs to me. +I checked the bag at the airport, when I came. Yeah? Which terminal? +Yeah? Which terminal? Sovereign. +Sovereign. You found Leo, didn't you? Took the poor asshole's money and put it in a locker, ready to go. Why haven't you left? +You found Leo, didn't you? Took the poor asshole's money and put it in a locker, ready to go. Why haven't you left? I like it here. +Look, there's no reason you and I shouldn't get along. Forget all the bullshit from before -– I don't even remember how it started. You took a swing at me over some fuckin' thing, whatever it was -– forget it. You owe me some money, right? Forget that too. But, you don't say a fuckin' word about this to anybody. It's strictly between you and me, right? Whatever you want, Ray. +Who the fuck are you? Ray Barboni. From Miami. +Ray Barboni. From Miami. What, like that's supposed to mean something to me? +The man you're steppin' on belongs to me and my partner. He owes me money. +He owes me money. Get in line, bro. +Get in line, bro. I don't like waiting. +I don't like waiting. Tough shit, bro. This ain't Miami. You want something, talk to me. +Tough shit, bro. This ain't Miami. You want something, talk to me. Hey, fuckball, I don't need your permission. L.A.'s an open city. +You a quick draw... 'bro?' You better be, your piece stuck way down in your belt like that. Whatta you got there... some kinda pop nine, the fuckin' Fiat of guns, always jammin' at the wrong time. +You live in Miami? That's right. +That's right. What're you doing in Los Angeles? +What're you doing in Los Angeles? I'm in the movie business. +I'm in the movie business. You're an investor, is that it? +You're an investor, is that it? I'm a producer. +I'm a producer. You have a card in here? +You have a card in here? Not yet. I just started. +Your wife a Lakers fan? I am. I'm a fan of everything that's L.A. I love it out here. +By the way, you recall the number of the locker you used? It was C... I don't know, sixteen or seventeen, one of those. Why? You looking for anyway, a bomb or something? +It was C... I don't know, sixteen or seventeen, one of those. Why? You looking for anyway, a bomb or something? Something shouldn't be there. +Something shouldn't be there. Why don't you get the attendant to open all the lockers and take a look. Maybe you'll find it. +Why don't you get the attendant to open all the lockers and take a look. Maybe you'll find it. That's the idea. I'll think about it. +That's the idea. I'll think about it. That's what I'd do. Make sure I got the right guy next time. +That's what I'd do. Make sure I got the right guy next time. Get him out've here. +Anyway, you want this guy, he's in L.A. We put him on a flight after he spanked one a my cocktail girls in the Keno room. Leo spanked a waitress? +Leo spanked a waitress? Apparently, way it went, he invited her to come to Santa Anita to play the ponies with him. She told him what to do with that and he gave her one on the tush. My guess, he's by his lonesome at the track right now. +Hey, Chil? Since you're goin' out to L.A. anyway. What've you got? +What've you got? Guy owes us a hundred and fifty grand, sixty days over; a movie producer. +Guy owes us a hundred and fifty grand, sixty days over; a movie producer. Movie producer? Yeah, why not. +Jesus, if I have a heart attack, I hope you know what to do. Where you been, Harry? +Have we met? I don't recall. We just did. I told you my name's Chili Palmer. +Did you stop to think what if I had a heart attack? You look okay to me, Harry. Come over here and sit down. Tell me what you been up to. +I'm looking at you. I want you to keep looking right here, okay? +I want you to keep looking right here, okay? That's what I'm doing. +That's what I'm doing. You know Dick Allen, Mesa's Casino? +You know Dick Allen, Mesa's Casino? Dick Allen's a very dear friend of mine. How far you want to go with this? +Dick Allen's a very dear friend of mine. How far you want to go with this? We're there, Harry. You signed markers for a hundred and a half, you're over sixty days past due and you haven't told anybody what the problem is. +Operator, how do I get Las Vegas Information? Harry, lemme give you some advice. +A marker's like a check, Harry. I know what a marker is. +I know what a marker is. They don't want to deposit yours and have it bounce. That annoys them. So your dear friend Dick Allen's been calling, leaving messages on your machine, but you never get back to him. I happen to be in Vegas on another matter, and Dick asks me as a favor would I look you up. I follow you over here, see you in the window with this woman, looks a lot like that actress Karen Flores, was in Grotesque, except she's not blond anymore... +You're not looking at me, Harry. Why do I have to keep looking at you? +Why do I have to keep looking at you? I want you to. +I want you to. You gonna get rough now, threaten me? I make good by tomorrow or get my legs broken? +You gonna get rough now, threaten me? I make good by tomorrow or get my legs broken? Come on, Harry -– Mesas? The worst they might do is get a judgment against you, uttering a bad check. I can't imagine you want that to happen, man in your position. +Come on, Harry -– Mesas? The worst they might do is get a judgment against you, uttering a bad check. I can't imagine you want that to happen, man in your position. Fuckin' basketball game. +You make movies, huh? I produce feature motion pictures, no TV. You mentioned Grotesque, that happened to be Grotesque Part II that Karen Flores was in. She starred in all three of my Slime Creatures releases you might have seen. +Karen, say hello to Chili Palmer. Chili, this is Karen Flores. Karen, it's a pleasure. How you doing? +You want to hear this idea? It's about a dry cleaner who scams an airline out of three hundred grand. Go on, tell her. You just did. +You just did. I mean, the way you told it to me. Start at the beginning, we see how the story line develops. +It's the kind of situation, you don't pay, you get your legs broken. Or the guy thinks he could get 'em broken. You have to understand the loan shark's in business the same as anybody else. He isn't in it to hurt people. He's in it to make money. +Without him. The guy's so out of it he doesn't even know it's gone. That's right. As a matter of fact... +Keep going. Well, since Leo's name was on the passenger list... +So he comes to L.A... I don't know about his wanting to meet celebrities, that's something new. But, yeah, he comes to L.A. Then after that, I don't know what happens. +That's it? That's your movie? I said I had an idea, that's all. +I said I had an idea, that's all. That's half a movie, with holes in it. Maybe forty minutes of screen time. You don't even have a girl, a female lead, and on top of that, there's no one to sympathize with, you don't have a good guy. +That's half a movie, with holes in it. Maybe forty minutes of screen time. You don't even have a girl, a female lead, and on top of that, there's no one to sympathize with, you don't have a good guy. The shylock's the good guy. +The shylock's the good guy. The shylock? He's barely mentioned. And it's not believable the wife would get a settlement that fast. +Part of it, yeah. Wait a minute, you're not the guy, are you? The dry cleaner? +Wait a minute, you're not the guy, are you? The dry cleaner? You mean, Leo? +You mean, Leo? You wouldn't be talking to me if you were. +You wouldn't be talking to me if you were. I'm not the guy, Harry. +I'm not the guy, Harry. But you work for the casino? +But you work for the casino? I'm out here looking for Leo. I just looked you up as a favor to your dear friend, Dick Allen. +I'm out here looking for Leo. I just looked you up as a favor to your dear friend, Dick Allen. So you don't work for the casino? +Is that right, that's what you do for a living? What I did till recently. After I get done here I'll think about what I'm gonna do next. +I imagine in your line of work, there were times you had to get rough, you know, say one of your customers stopped paying. They always paid. +You pack a gun? Not really. +Not really. What does that mean? +What does that mean? Maybe a few times I have. +Maybe a few times I have. Ever shot anybody. +Ever shot anybody. Once. +Once. Really? You ever been arrested? +Really? You ever been arrested? I've been picked up a couple times. Loan sharking. Racketeering. But I was never convicted. I'm clean. +I've been picked up a couple times. Loan sharking. Racketeering. But I was never convicted. I'm clean. Racketeering, that covers a lot of ground, doesn't it? +These guys, my investors, they run a limo service, came to me originally, put money in a few of my pictures and did okay, they're happy. So they come in on another deal -– this was back a few months ago when I was planning what would be my next picture, about this band of killer circus freaks that travel around the country leaving bodies in their wake. The characters, there's this seven- hundred-pound fat lady who has a way of seducing guys, gets them in her trailer –- Harry, look at me. +You're trying to tell me how you fucked up without sounding stupid, and that's hard to do. Let's just get to where you're at, okay? You blew the two hundred grand the limo guys gave you in Vegas on a basketball game and you haven't told 'em about it. Why not? Because they're not the type of guys would take it with any degree of understanding or restraint. The first thing they'd do is break my legs. +Because they're not the type of guys would take it with any degree of understanding or restraint. The first thing they'd do is break my legs. You got that on the brain, Harry. If you're so scared of 'em why'd you take their money to Vegas to begin with? +You got that on the brain, Harry. If you're so scared of 'em why'd you take their money to Vegas to begin with? Because I need half a million to buy a script. +Because I need half a million to buy a script. For a movie? +For a movie? "A blockbuster. But quality. No mutants or maniacs. This one's gonna be my ""Driving Miss Daisy""." +"A blockbuster. But quality. No mutants or maniacs. This one's gonna be my ""Driving Miss Daisy""." What's it called? +What's it called? """Mr. Lovejoy""." +"""Mr. Lovejoy""." """Mr. Lovejoy""? That's the title?" +"""Mr. Lovejoy""? That's the title?" It's not bad when you know what it's about. +Murray Saffrin, guy who wrote it, did all my Grotesque pictures, had it in a drawer for twenty years. He shows it to me one day, tells me he's got a star interested, would I produce it. Who's the star? +Two time academy award nominee, Martin Weir. "Martin Weir. He played the mob guy that turned snitch in ""The Cyclone""." +"Martin Weir. He played the mob guy that turned snitch in ""The Cyclone""." One of his best parts. +One of his best parts. No, his best part was the cripple gay guy that climbed Mt. Whitney. +No, his best part was the cripple gay guy that climbed Mt. Whitney. """Ride the Clouds"". Good picture." +She looks familiar. She's a rock star. Every day, same time, they come down here and have breakfast. He has the egg white omelet; she has the banana pancakes. He sits facing west so he can see his billboard. She faces east so she has an excuse to wear the shades. +Anyway, Murray has this shrink, who also happens to be Martin's personal trainer's shrink. Murray gives the shrink the script and the shrink gives it to Martin's trainer who reads it to Martin while they work out, and Martin flips. Loves it. So what's the problem? +So what's the problem? The problem is Murray. He and a few other blocked screenwriters went river rafting down the Kern a few weeks ago. Murray never made it back. +The problem is Murray. He and a few other blocked screenwriters went river rafting down the Kern a few weeks ago. Murray never made it back. He drown? +He drown? Heart attack. Apparently they brought a couple hookers along. +Doris, Murray's widow, finds out about this Martin Weir thing and says since Murray and I never had any written contract, she wants five hundred grand for the script. So you're thinking what if I was to put you next to my dry cleaner. Ask him if he wants to invest his money in a movie. +So you're thinking what if I was to put you next to my dry cleaner. Ask him if he wants to invest his money in a movie. That, or I'm thinking what if some tragic accident were to befall the widow Saffrin -– +That, or I'm thinking what if some tragic accident were to befall the widow Saffrin -– I'm not gonna pop her, Harry. +I'm not gonna pop her, Harry. Just a thought. +Just a thought. But I could talk to the limo guys. Tell 'em to leave you alone for a while. Make the point in a way they'd understand it. +But I could talk to the limo guys. Tell 'em to leave you alone for a while. Make the point in a way they'd understand it. You don't even know these guys. +You don't even know these guys. Harry, I probably know 'em better than you do. +Harry, I probably know 'em better than you do. What do you get out of this? +What do you get out of this? Let's see how we get along. +Lovejoy sits behind the wheel, watching the bar across the street, getting his video camera ready for action... What's he doing? Following a guy? Read it. It's a grabber. +No leave 'em up, we want the light in their eyes. I'll be at the desk... but don't introduce me, let it go, just start talking. You're gonna be here, behind 'em when they sit down. They'll be looking at you. They don't know who you are. +They'll be looking at you. They don't know who you are. That's right, they're wondering, who's this guy? You don't tell 'em. Understand, Harry? Do not tell 'em who I am. +You don't say any more'n you have to. You say, 'Well, I'm glad you assholes stopped by, so I can set you straight.' You're kidding, right? +What? I don't know, maybe I wasn't clear. But I thought... I told you to keep your mouth shut. +I don't know, maybe I wasn't clear. But I thought... I told you to keep your mouth shut. I had to tell 'em something. +I had to tell 'em something. Never say anything unless you have to. +You tell me you want these guys off your back. Next thing I know, you're saying yeah, maybe they can have a piece of Mr. Lovejoy. I couldn't believe my fuckin' ears. I said I'd think about it. What does that mean? In this town, nothing. +I said I'd think about it. What does that mean? In this town, nothing. That's the difference between you and me, Harry. I say what I mean. I want something from someone, I ask 'em straight out. I want Martin Weir, I go get Martin Weir. I don't fuck around with his trainer's shrink. +That's the difference between you and me, Harry. I say what I mean. I want something from someone, I ask 'em straight out. I want Martin Weir, I go get Martin Weir. I don't fuck around with his trainer's shrink. His shrink's trainer. +How's anyone gonna see anything from way up there? Hey, Harry. +Hey, Harry. Yeah, Chili. Hi. You're fifty feet in the air! +Here's your keys, Harry. Get the fuck outta my chair. +Is he giving you a check or cash? Cash. It happens to be waiting right at this moment in a locker at the airport. +Okay, Harry, I'm wrong. You're not the one he's setting up. I mean, at least Bo's invested in three of my movies. +Really. Yeah, he wants us to talk to Buddy, set up a meeting. +Yeah, he wants us to talk to Buddy, set up a meeting. A meeting with who? You and Karen? +So how 'bout it, Mr. Selznick, do I make my deal with Bo? Or you gonna finally help me out, have a word with your dry cleaner when you find him. I found him. +Forget about Leo's money, Harry. You have it? +You have it? Harry, if I gave you Leo's money you'd have Ray Bones all over your ass and then you'd be in a whole new kinda trouble. +Harry, if I gave you Leo's money you'd have Ray Bones all over your ass and then you'd be in a whole new kinda trouble. Who? +Who? Ray Barboni. Guy from Miami, owns Leo now that Momo died. +Ray Barboni. Guy from Miami, owns Leo now that Momo died. Who the fuck is Momo? Jesus, these fucking names... +Who the fuck is Momo? Jesus, these fucking names... Tell you what, Harry, tomorrow morning, when the airport's crowded, I'll go check it out. If I don't see a problem, I'll pick up the money... +Maybe I oughta talk to this Ray Bones character myself. See if he wants to invest in my movie. Don't waste your time, Harry. The guy's not much of a movie fan. Now c'mon, gimme the key. +You cut straight hair in this place, or just fags? Hey, Bones, looks like you're gonna have a nice scar up there. Maybe these guys can fit you with a rug, cover it up for ya. +You got a miss. Leo Devoe. Guy's six weeks over. He died. +He died. How'd you know he died, he tell you? +Yeah, he told me. Personally? +Personally? Yeah, Ray, he personally told me he got killed in that Get Away Airlines' jet went down last month. +Yeah, Ray, he personally told me he got killed in that Get Away Airlines' jet went down last month. What Get Away jet? +What Get Away jet? It was in the Herald. +It was in the Herald. Yeah, well, maybe the guy took out flight insurance. Check with the wife. +Yeah, well, maybe the guy took out flight insurance. Check with the wife. Hey, it's your book now. You want to check it out, go ahead. He's got a dry cleaning business out on Federal Highway. +Which also means when I speak, I'm speakin' for Jimmy. So e.g. as of now, you start affording me the proper respect. 'E.g.' means 'for example', Ray. I think what you wanna say is 'i.e.' +'E.g.' means 'for example', Ray. I think what you wanna say is 'i.e.' Bullshit. E.g. is short for 'ergo'. +Bullshit. E.g. is short for 'ergo'. Ask your man here. +You owe me the dry cleaner's fifteen grand plus the juice which is what another, uhh... Twenty seven hundred. +Twenty seven hundred. Exactly. You either get it from the wife or out of your own pocket, I don't give a fuck. You don't ever hand me a book with a miss in it. +Yeah. That was a good party. You know, Marty, you were good in The Cyclone. +You know, Marty, you were good in The Cyclone. Martin. It was a beautiful role. All I had to do was find the character's center, the stem I'd used to wind him up and he'd play, man, he'd play. +Well, you had it down cold. Watching you in the movie, if I didn't know better I'd have to believe you were a made guy and not acting. Even the fink part. I never met a fink and I hope to God I never do, but how you did it must be the way finks act. A few weeks before shooting, I went back to Bensonhurst, just to listen to you guys. See, I'm Italian, but I grew up in Tarzana. So I wanted to pick up your rhythms of speech. +A few weeks before shooting, I went back to Bensonhurst, just to listen to you guys. See, I'm Italian, but I grew up in Tarzana. So I wanted to pick up your rhythms of speech. We talk different? +We talk different? It's more like your attitude. Your tone, your speech patterns demonstrate a certain confidence in yourselves, in your opinions, your indifference to conventional views. +It's more like your attitude. Your tone, your speech patterns demonstrate a certain confidence in yourselves, in your opinions, your indifference to conventional views. You mean like we don't give a shit. +You mean like we don't give a shit. Yeah. Kinda. Anyway, once I have the authentic sounds of speech, the rhythms, man, the patois, I can actually begin to think the way those guys do, get inside their heads. +So you don't know what I'm thinking. No, I don't. Though I have to say I'm curious. +No, I don't. Though I have to say I'm curious. So you want to know. +So you want to know. If you'd like to tell me, yeah. +If you'd like to tell me, yeah. I'm thinking of a movie. +I'm thinking of a movie. One of mine? +One of mine? One we're producing. +One we're producing. With what? Wiseguy money? +Martin, I'm not connected to those people anymore. Not since I walked out of a loanshark Operation in Miami. What happened? The pressure got to you? +What happened? The pressure got to you? Pressure? I'm the one applied the pressure. +Guy owes me fifteen large and takes off, I go after him. The fuck you think I do? Martin, look at me. +Martin, look at me. I'm looking at you. +No, I want you to look at me the way I'm looking at you. Put it in your eyes, 'You're mine, asshole,' without saying it. Like this? +Like this? What you're telling me, you're tired? You wanna go to bed? +What you're telling me, you're tired? You wanna go to bed? Wait. How about this? +Wait. How about this? Now you're squinting like you need glasses. +How about this? That's not bad. +That's not bad. That's what I think of you, asshole. Nothing. +That's what I think of you, asshole. Nothing. I believe it. +I believe it. I turn it on when I confront the guy. +I turn it on when I confront the guy. Yeah, but you haven't found him yet. The guy took off for Las Vegas. +Yeah, but you haven't found him yet. The guy took off for Las Vegas. How do I know that? +The wife sues the airline. This is a gutsy babe. Good-looking, too. Like Karen. +So when do I meet up with the husband and give him the look? It's not that simple. You have to be careful. There's another guy that comes along, a hard-on you owe some money to. A mob guy. Wants to take you out anyway, on account of a past situation. +It's not that simple. You have to be careful. There's another guy that comes along, a hard-on you owe some money to. A mob guy. Wants to take you out anyway, on account of a past situation. Okay. I'm listening. +At that point, basically, that has to be it. You're not going to tell me the rest? +Lemme talk to Buddy, set up a meeting. Buddy? +Very nice... Yeah, I like it, I'm high up, I can see everything, you know? It's the Cadillac of minivans. +Yeah, I like it, I'm high up, I can see everything, you know? It's the Cadillac of minivans. What's that? +What's that? Compass. +Compass. Wow. Mind if I take it for a spin? +Whatta you think, Chill? That's not bad. I think you got it down. +I wouldn't think you're that dumb, leave over three hundred grand in the closet, underneath the extra blanket, but I guess you are. I didn't know where else to keep it. Where would you? +I didn't know where else to keep it. Where would you? You're here a while, what's wrong with a bank? +You're here a while, what's wrong with a bank? They report it to the IRS. +They report it to the IRS. You don't open an account, Leo, you put it in a safe deposit box. Dip in whenever you want. +You've been losing. I'm up twelve grand today. +I'm up twelve grand today. From when? You left Vegas with four- fifty? +From when? You left Vegas with four- fifty? Who told you that? +Who told you that? Now you're down to three-ten in the case. You must've cooled off quite a bit since you got here. +Now you're down to three-ten in the case. You must've cooled off quite a bit since you got here. How'd you know I was here? +How'd you know I was here? Here's another tip... +It was Fay, wasn't it, told you about the money. She tell you my whole life history, for Christ's sake? I wouldn't let her if she tried. Why I'm here, Leo, basically, is to save your ass. +I wouldn't let her if she tried. Why I'm here, Leo, basically, is to save your ass. How? By taking my money? +How? By taking my money? You can keep what you won today. That's yours. +You can keep what you won today. That's yours. It's all mine. +It's all mine. Sit down, Leo. +You take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it? At eighteen percent, okay? And don't ask me no more fuckin' questions. I'm leaving. +But you won't know where I am. I don't even know where I'll be. I'll find you, Leo... +It's not one of these? You see a black leather jacket, fingertip length, like the one Pacino wore in Serpico? You don't, you owe me three seventy-nine. +You see a black leather jacket, fingertip length, like the one Pacino wore in Serpico? You don't, you owe me three seventy-nine. Maybe you don't see my sign? +We call you a taxi. Lemme get this straight. You aren't responsible for any lost articles like an expensive coat of mine, but you're gonna find Ray Bones' coat or get him a new one? Is that what you're telling me? +Lemme get this straight. You aren't responsible for any lost articles like an expensive coat of mine, but you're gonna find Ray Bones' coat or get him a new one? Is that what you're telling me? Mr. Barboni is a good customer. Works for Jimmy Capp. +Mr. Barboni is a good customer. Works for Jimmy Capp. I know who he works for. Where's your phone. +The door from the patio, in back. You broke in? +You broke in? No, it was open. It wasn't locked. +No, it was open. It wasn't locked. What if it was? +Well, basically, this guy owes a shylock fifteen thousand, plus he's a few weeks behind on the vig, the interest you have to pay. I know what a vig is. +The interest is four hundred and fifty dollars a week on fifteen thousand? That's right. Three percent. +That's right. Three percent. But a week. That's a hundred and fifty percent a year. +But a week. That's a hundred and fifty percent a year. A hundred and fifty-six. Some'll charge you more'n that, go as high as six for five on a short-term loan. So three a week's not too bad. +A hundred and fifty-six. Some'll charge you more'n that, go as high as six for five on a short-term loan. So three a week's not too bad. A real bargain. +A couple days ago by, people from the airliner come to see his wife, tell her how sorry they are and all that their plane exploded and offer her a settlement, the amount based on what he would've earned operating the dry cleaner's the rest of his life. Leo had some kind of trouble with his kidneys, so they were giving him about ten years. How much is the wife offered? +Hey... Karen. How ya' doin'? What're you doing here? +What're you doing here? I wanted to come by, apologize for coming into your house like I did last night. +I wanted to come by, apologize for coming into your house like I did last night. Lemme get this straight, you broke in again to apologize for breaking in before? +Lemme get this straight, you broke in again to apologize for breaking in before? No, no... you left the patio door open. You gotta stop doin' that, all the nice things you got around here. +No, no... you left the patio door open. You gotta stop doin' that, all the nice things you got around here. Yeah, well make sure you lock it on the way out. +Yeah, well make sure you lock it on the way out. Rough day on the set? +Rough day on the set? I spent all day crawling out of a grave. The costumer kept bitching 'cause I was ripping my nylons –- +I spent all day crawling out of a grave. The costumer kept bitching 'cause I was ripping my nylons –- Ripped nylons work. Makes the shot more real. +Ripped nylons work. Makes the shot more real. ...That's what we finally decided. +...That's what we finally decided. "Like in ""Bride of the Mutant"", when you played the whole end with that torn top." +You saw that one? "Yeah. When you turn to the camera to tell the alien mother that her time on earth is finished... when you give us all that look, Joan Crawford wishes on her best day she had that much presence. Not even in ""Mildred Pierce"" -– which by the way was a better book than a movie -– did Crawford even touch the intensity you had in that look." +"Yeah. When you turn to the camera to tell the alien mother that her time on earth is finished... when you give us all that look, Joan Crawford wishes on her best day she had that much presence. Not even in ""Mildred Pierce"" -– which by the way was a better book than a movie -– did Crawford even touch the intensity you had in that look." Yeah... that was a good scene. I mean, for a horror movie. +Yeah... that was a good scene. I mean, for a horror movie. For any movie. +For any movie. I know I'm better than what I've been doing the last ten years, walking around in a tank top and fuck-me pumps, waiting till it's time to scream. +I know I'm better than what I've been doing the last ten years, walking around in a tank top and fuck-me pumps, waiting till it's time to scream. Man, can you scream. +Man, can you scream. "Yeah. It's a real gift. I'm just saying it'd be nice, one time in my career to get the chance to say one great line. You know, like in that Bette Davis picture, ""Cabin in the...""" +"Yeah. It's a real gift. I'm just saying it'd be nice, one time in my career to get the chance to say one great line. You know, like in that Bette Davis picture, ""Cabin in the...""" """Cotton""." +"""Cotton""." Yeah, you know when Bette comes up to the guy on the porch, gives him a flirty look and says, 'I'd kiss you, but...' +How come you stopped making movies with Harry? I married Martin. That was a full- time job. +I married Martin. That was a full- time job. You read Harry's new one? He says it's the best thing he's ever read. +You read Harry's new one? He says it's the best thing he's ever read. "He must mean after ""Slime Creature 3""." +"He must mean after ""Slime Creature 3""." That why Harry came over last night? See if you could help him get Martin in his movie? +That why Harry came over last night? See if you could help him get Martin in his movie? Harry's dreaming of a forty-million- dollar production he'll never get off the ground with a star he'll never sign. With or without my help. +Harry's dreaming of a forty-million- dollar production he'll never get off the ground with a star he'll never sign. With or without my help. Harry told me Martin loves it, he flipped. +Harry told me Martin loves it, he flipped. Yeah, well Martin is known for his flipping. He flips over a script, and when the time comes to make a deal, he flips out. +Yeah, well Martin is known for his flipping. He flips over a script, and when the time comes to make a deal, he flips out. Tell you what, I'll stop by Harry's office and pick up a copy for you. +Tell you what, I'll stop by Harry's office and pick up a copy for you. Don't go out of your way. +Well, I gotta have a talk with Leo, my runaway dry cleaner. Right. See how your story ends. +Right. See how your story ends. "Yeah. Right. Listen, ""Touch of Evil""'s playing near my hotel. You wanna go check it out? Watch Charlton Heston play a Mexican?" +You been here the whole time? I just caught the end. +I got you a copy of the script. I already read it. Harry left a copy at the house. +I already read it. Harry left a copy at the house. What do you think? +I think it's not horrible. I don't like the title. Or the main guy's name. +I don't like the title. Or the main guy's name. Then you've read it? +Then you've read it? Not yet. +Not yet. You and Harry'll make a great team. I'm gonna make a deal with him. +You and Harry'll make a great team. I'm gonna make a deal with him. There a part in it for you? +There a part in it for you? I don't want to act in it, I want to produce it with Harry. Especially if I help him get Martin. +I don't want to act in it, I want to produce it with Harry. Especially if I help him get Martin. Sounds fair. +Sounds fair. What do you get out of it? +That why you came over here, to ask me that? I want to know. +I want to know. Why does anyone want to be in movies? +Why does anyone want to be in movies? Yesterday, you were a loan shark. +I was never much into it. All that bullshit having to do with respect. It's bad enough having to treat those guys like they're your heroes, having to smile when they make some stupid remark they think's real funny. And you think the movie business is any different? +And you think the movie business is any different? Yeah well... I like movies. I figure if I help Harry make one, I'll find out what you have to do outside of have an idea and raise the money. That doesn't sound too hard. I was in the money business and I get ideas all the time. +This thing's actually accurate. I bought it for ten bucks from a kid in a lawn chair on Sunset... You were supposed to wait for me with Harry at the restaurant. +Well actually, Martin the movie we came to talk about is Mr. Lovejoy. Yeah. We understand you read the script and like it... a lot. +A locker at the airport? Jesus Christ, Harry. Tell me you're not really that stupid. The guy's setting you up. You pulled out of their Freaks deal so he's paying you back. +That was Martin. He wants to have lunch tomorrow. That is, if you can make it. Depends, who pays? +Depends, who pays? Definitely not Martin. Movie stars never pick up the check. They have no idea what things cost. Most of them don't know their zip code and a lot don't even know their own phone number. +How'd you meet Martin anyway? Not unlike the way Nicki met him. Except it was a wrap party. Why? +Not unlike the way Nicki met him. Except it was a wrap party. Why? I don't know, I'm just havin' some trouble seeing you two together. +I don't know, I'm just havin' some trouble seeing you two together. You don't like Martin much, do you? +You don't like Martin much, do you? Oh, I like him. I just think he's... short. I mean, he's a good actor and all, but I'm wondering what it was exactly you saw in Marty. +Oh, I like him. I just think he's... short. I mean, he's a good actor and all, but I'm wondering what it was exactly you saw in Marty. For starters, Marty wasn't Martin back then. +So what about your story. You thought of a title yet? How 'bout Get Shorty? Except that isn't a movie. That's real life. +How 'bout Get Shorty? Except that isn't a movie. That's real life. How 'bout Chili's Hollywood Adventure. +How 'bout Chili's Hollywood Adventure. That's a different story. I'm still working on that one, you know, getting the visual fabric just right. Although I've added to it. +Yeah? Yeah. There's a girl in it now. +Yeah. There's a girl in it now. Really. +I think you could be an actor. I know you're acting sometimes, but you don't show it. You thought I was faking? +You thought I was faking? No. I don't mean that. I just meant in general. +No. I don't mean that. I just meant in general. Oh. +You don't mean a movie star? More like a character actor? Whichever. Let's talk about it tomorrow. +I mean I could see myself in movies Robert De Niro had been in. Or I could maybe do an Al Pacino movie, play a hard-on. But I couldn't see myself in ones, like say the one where the three guys get stuck with a baby. They don't know how to take care of it and you see these big grown-up assholes acting cute -– Hey, Chili? Look at me. +Harry... My God... What happened? +What kinda food they serve at this Ivy place anyway? Continental, but it doesn't matter. Martin won't order from the menu. +Why not? Because a movie star can never order straight from the menu. They have to think of something they have to have that isn't on the menu. +Harry, what're you doing? You're supposed to be in the hospital. Yeah, Harry, you look like you belong in one of your horror movies. +You sure? He's doing the same thing you did to him, playing Letterman on TV. +He's doing the same thing you did to him, playing Letterman on TV. It's not Dave. It's a movie. +It's not Dave. It's a movie. Are you going down? +Are you going down? I don't know. +I don't know. You're as bad as Harry... +You're as bad as Harry... I'll go. I'll go. +You okay? Guy's got a fucking pink toilet, for Christ's sake. +Karen! What the fuck are you doing?! Oh, shit... I'm sorry... I thought that was... I'm so sorry... +Were you scared up there? You bet. +You bet. You don't act like it? +You don't act like it? I was scared then, not now. How long you want me to be scared? +I'll be right back. Go get your stuff. +What took you so long? Couldn't find my toothbrush. +They're closing the Granview. You know, theater down on Biscayne? Yeah, the guy owes Momo a few G's. +Yeah, the guy owes Momo a few G's. What I'm thinkin' is maybe Momo could buy it. +Momo could buy it, I could run it for him. Show some Cagney films. What's Momo gonna want with an old place, shows old movies people don't care about no more. Outside of maybe turnin' it into a porno house, I don't think he's gonna give much of a fuck. And you already got a job. +You sure it was Ray Bones took the coat? That's what the guy said. +That's what the guy said. Tomorrow, I see on the TV weather, it's gonna be nice and warm. You won't need the coat. +Hey, Chili. Get your coat, but don't piss the guy off, okay? It could get complicated and we'd have to call Momo to straighten it out. Then Momo gets pissed for wasting his time and we don't need that. Don't worry about it. I won't say any more than I have to, if that. +No, I said I'm never goin' to bed. There's a difference. See, the article says most people die in their beds. I figure long as I stay outta bed, I'm safe. That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. Where do you sleep? +That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. Where do you sleep? In an armchair. Or I go to a coffee shop, sleep there. Sit in a booth, pull my hat down. +I told you not to -– Don't say a fuckin' word. +I hate to say I told you, but I did. I told you don't start nothing with him that time. You said don't say nothing and I didn't. +You said don't say nothing and I didn't. No, you just broke his fuckin' nose instead. +No, you just broke his fuckin' nose instead. You gonna start that again? You're just like him, all you got room for in your brain is one fuckin' thing. +You gonna start that again? You're just like him, all you got room for in your brain is one fuckin' thing. All I know is he came by the barber shop, all fuckin' undone, wanting to know where you were staying in Vegas. I told him I don't know. I still don't. +All I know is he came by the barber shop, all fuckin' undone, wanting to know where you were staying in Vegas. I told him I don't know. I still don't. How'd he know I was in Vegas? You tell him? +How'd he know I was in Vegas? You tell him? He already knew it. +He already knew it. Yeah, well, I'm in L.A. now. +Yeah, well, I'm in L.A. now. Whatta you doing out there? +Whatta you doing out there? I'm going into the movie business. +I'm going into the movie business. What're you talking about? You wanna be a movie star? +What're you talking about? You wanna be a movie star? I'm thinking about producing. +I'm thinking about producing. How you gonna do that? You don't know shit about making movies. +How you gonna do that? You don't know shit about making movies. I don't think the producer has to do much, outside of maybe knowing a writer. +I don't think the producer has to do much, outside of maybe knowing a writer. Hey, Chil? I think you're fulla shit. +Yeah, but whose point of view? Whatta you mean, whose point of view; The audience's point of view. +Whatta you mean, whose point of view; The audience's point of view. Get down here. I wanna talk to you. Come on... right now... She's gonna talk to Martin? +All these camera moves and weird angles and shit are gonna distance us from the emotion of the scene. What 'emotion'? Girl just got stabbed in the ear with an ice pick. +What 'emotion'? Girl just got stabbed in the ear with an ice pick. She's scared! Fear is an emotion! Look, kid, if you remember anything from your time working with Harry Zimm, let it be the three key words to filmmaking. +Yeah? What three words, Harry? Pick 'n' Save. +Pick 'n' Save. Hm? +Hm? You heard me, Pick 'n' Save. +So Mildred says to the cashier, 'I saw the new Streisand picture.' 'God, I just love it at the end when she brushed Robert Redford's hair off his forehead the way she did when they were together, and the way they gave each other this look that said they still loved each other, but knew they couldn't be together. That look was so... romantic.' That's great, Harry. So what's the -- +That's great, Harry. So what's the -- What she did not say was, 'I just loved the way the director moved the camera so much it made me fuckin' seasick.' All she cared about was that look. All she remembered was that look. And why do we remember things in movies? Because we can see them. +Hello, Doris. Harry Zimm. You look like a wet kiss. +Well, aren't you gonna offer me whatever it is you taste like? Come on in. +What a spectacular view. Yeah, lovely. Last night I watched two guys carjack a Camaro down on the corner of Argyle there. What do you want, Doris? +I miss Murray, Harry. Yeah, me too. He was a helluva good writer. And I would know. I discovered him. Made him what he was. +Yeah, me too. He was a helluva good writer. And I would know. I discovered him. Made him what he was. What he was, was a hack, couldn't get a job writing for anybody but you. I'm being honest. He was a lousy writer, but he was a good husband. I just didn't know it until too late. +I'm not sure how I feel about this, Doris. You seem to feel fine about it. +You seem to feel fine about it. I mean morally. Murray was my friend. +I mean morally. Murray was my friend. Murray's dead. +So this means you've reconsidered our deal on Mr. Lovejoy? No. But now that you mention it, I did talk to a handsome executive at Paramount the other day... who just happened to get his hands on the script. +No. But now that you mention it, I did talk to a handsome executive at Paramount the other day... who just happened to get his hands on the script. Yeah, what'd he have to say? +Yeah, what'd he have to say? He said if Martin's interested, I could get a half a million for it easy. But don't worry, Harry, I'm still giving you until Friday. +He said if Martin's interested, I could get a half a million for it easy. But don't worry, Harry, I'm still giving you until Friday. How honorable of you. +What's wrong? Be quiet and listen. +Be quiet and listen. I don't hear anything. +When I came upstairs, you stayed to finish your drink. I told you to turn off the TV when you were through. Come to think of it, I also told you you could sleep in the maid's room. Yeah, well I turned off the set. I used the remote control thing and laid it on the floor. You know what could've happened? The dog came in and stepped on it, turned the TV back on. +Yeah, well I turned off the set. I used the remote control thing and laid it on the floor. You know what could've happened? The dog came in and stepped on it, turned the TV back on. I don't have a dog. +I don't have a dog. You don't? What happened to Muff? +You don't? What happened to Muff? Harry, are you going down, or you want me to? +Anyone skim the pool? It needs it. Harry -– +Harry -– I'm going. +How did you get in the house? He's telling me an idea for a movie. It's not bad so far. Sit down, have a drink. Tell Karen, let's see what she thinks. +He's telling me an idea for a movie. It's not bad so far. Sit down, have a drink. Tell Karen, let's see what she thinks. Maybe you didn't hear me. +That Miami flight that went down, it was on the news every day for about a week. Harry must've been busy. That's where you got the idea? +With your experience, you could always become an agent. Right, Harry? Yeah, that's what we need. More agents. +Yeah, that's what we need. More agents. Well. I got an audition tomorrow. +Well. I got an audition tomorrow. No problem. You go on off to bed. +What I'm saying, Harry, is I want you and your new buddy to get out of my house. Oh, yeah, sure. +Harry, what're you still doing with those guys? He happens to be loaning me five hundred grand, no strings, I write any kind of agreement I want. +Harry, we spoke with Martin. 'We?' +'We?' Chili and me. +Harry -– Man's in town two days, thinks he's David O. fucking Selznick. +Which two? Once their lives are in danger and you have the mob guy coming after them, it not only heightens the tension, it adds a wistful element to their love. +Once their lives are in danger and you have the mob guy coming after them, it not only heightens the tension, it adds a wistful element to their love. Mob guy? +I have to run. But what I hope to see, they begin to have misgivings about wanting the money. It becomes their moral dilemma and they try to rationalize keeping it, but in the end they can't. Can they? What money? +What money? The three hundred large. What other money is there? I should keep quiet, I know, till I've read the script, but I've got a feeling about this one. I'm that shylock. +The three hundred large. What other money is there? I should keep quiet, I know, till I've read the script, but I've got a feeling about this one. I'm that shylock. Shylock? +Karen. Wow. Look at you... Hello, Martin. +I'm sitting here, I'm looking at you and I'm having these flashes. You know, flashbacks, of memories. Of us. Really. +Really. Yeah and I'm wondering, how did it go wrong? How did it all... slip away? +Yeah and I'm wondering, how did it go wrong? How did it all... slip away? 'It' didn't slip away, Martin, you did... when you went off to fuck Nicki in the middle of my birthday party. +Oh, for Christ's sake –- I know. I'm doing Shylock instead of a shylock. Okay, what's my motivation? The acquisition of money. To collect. Inflict pain if I have to. +Lufkin. His... agent. Yeah, Karen knows him. +Yeah, Karen knows him. But you are interested? +But you are interested? I'm intrigued, yeah. You know what might help you, take a look at the Cylone again, the way a visual fabric is maintained even while the metaphor plays on different levels. Hey –- This your ride, Chili? +Hi, sweetface. You look great. And mmmmm, you smell good, too. Thanks. +I have to consider, I mean, as the mob guy, this is another man's wife I'm sleeping with. And after all, you have such morals. +Arctic Warrior, Arctic Warrior, Arctic Warrior. This is United States Coastguard Station North Island. Over. North Island, I wish to declare myself salvor-in-posession under section four two charlie of the International Maritime Convention. +North Island, I wish to declare myself salvor-in-posession under section four two charlie of the International Maritime Convention. Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. What type of vessel? +Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. What type of vessel? A passenger liner. Over. +A passenger liner. Over. Say again. Over. +A passenger liner, north island. Over. What is the vessel name, registry, and present position? Over. +What is the vessel name, registry, and present position? Over. "Passenger vessel ""Chimera."" I will spell: charlie hotel india mary echo romeo alpha. No registry information is available at this time. I have determined to the best of my ability that the vessel has been abandoned on the high seas at position one seven four west, five seven north at... Two zero one four hours zulu time. Over." +"Passenger vessel ""Chimera."" I will spell: charlie hotel india mary echo romeo alpha. No registry information is available at this time. I have determined to the best of my ability that the vessel has been abandoned on the high seas at position one seven four west, five seven north at... Two zero one four hours zulu time. Over." Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. Please advise your salvage authority pending registry check. Over. +Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. Please advise your salvage authority pending registry check. Over. Roger, North Island. Arctic Warrior over and out. +North Island, please repeat? Over. Arctic Warrior, passenger vessel Chimera was lost at sea day two month two year one nine five three. Over. +North Island, have you got any additional information? Over. Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. The vessel Chimera was registered to The Dobbins Kirk Line, Halifax. Nova Scotia. Date of commission day nine month seven year one nine three two. Over. +Roger, North Island. I am tied to the passenger vessel Chimera. And she is afloat. Repeat, she is afloat. Over. Roger, Arctic Warrior. I say again, our records indicate the passenger vessel Chimera was lost at sea. Over. +Roger, Arctic Warrior. I say again, our records indicate the passenger vessel Chimera was lost at sea. Over. Roger, North Island. Please advise pending further information. Over. +Roger, North Island. Please advise pending further information. Over. Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. This is United States Coast Guard North Island Station. Over and out. +Arctic Warrior, Arctic Warrior, Arctic Warrior. This is United States Coastguard Station North Island. Your radio check is affirmative. Over. Roger that, North Island. Arctic Warrior whiskey alpha sierra bravo four zero niner two. Over and out. +Hear that, Dodge? Epps don't think it's a problem. I'll sleep good tonight knowing that. +Looks like Epps' gonna get some tonight. With that coxswain dickhead. +Hypothetically speaking, what if we get this boat to Sitka and find out somebody wants it back? They shoulda thought of that when they let her float away. +They shoulda thought of that when they let her float away. I don't care what, ain't nobody just gonna let us walk away with a ship that size. +You think the extra strain caused it? Nah. Everything was cool. It's just one of those things. +How about now? Sixty pounds. +Sixty pounds. What? You sure? +What? You sure? That's what it says. +That's what it says. Lemme see. +Are you crazy? Do you realize we got ourselves a ship? We own a ship, Dodge. Yeah, a ship that's supposed to have been lost at sea fifty years ago. You don't think that's just a little freaky? +Fucker! Take it easy, Dodge. It's only a piece of metal. +Take it easy, Dodge. It's only a piece of metal. Damn mind of it's own. +Damn mind of it's own. Morning, skipper. +One minute I'm minding my own business, the next thing I know the whole place is burning up. An oxygen tank must've blown on the welder. Started an oil fire. Looks like it took out the backup genny too. +What's so great about Sweden? It's a beautiful country. Very clean. Very civilized. And cold. +Yeah, but not as cold as those Swedish girls you only gonna dream about. We'll see who's dreamin', m'man. +Where's his boat, then? Where's his crew? He ain't gonna be out here by himself, that's for damn sure. She's so big somebody could come alongside her on the other side and we'd never know it. +Let's not be too hasty. Yeah. Hell, what difference does it make if we report it now or later? We call this in now, gonna be Coastguard, FBI, who knows who, all over the place. +I need lag bolts, especially one inch standard. And sheet metal. Preferably steel, about a sixteenth of an inch. Aluminium, even tin'll do. I ain't no mechanic, just so you know. +I ain't no mechanic, just so you know. You find anything that even looks like a compressor. I don't care what, grab it. +What day is it? I don't know. Tuesday? +I don't know. Tuesday? Wrong. It's Friday. +When they find out what it's carrying, they may not be so interested in what's legal. Maybe you shoulda thought a that before you scuttled our boat. +The turbine blew. Lemme see, was that before or after the oil fire? +You'd think on a ship this size there'd be something left to eat. After fifty years there ain't nothin' left but shoe leather. +Where from? Amidships starboard at the beam. Just under the waterline. I don't think it's a problem. +One more? Why not. +What is your first name? What? +What? It just occurred to me I don't know your first name. All this time and I don't know it. +Maureen. What? +What? Maureen. +Maureen. Maureen? +Roger. Roger? +Roger? Yeah. +You think that's funny No. +Probably slipped her moorings, got tangled up in a current. Out here? What, so a seven hundred foot passenger liner drifted out of Spokane harbor and nobody managed to bump into her until now? +Out here? What, so a seven hundred foot passenger liner drifted out of Spokane harbor and nobody managed to bump into her until now? Somebody's probably looking for her as we speak. +Seeing as though a foot of one of these fuckers weighs about a hundred pounds, it ain't gonna be what you'd call easy. Any questions? Supposing one of those cables breaks under tow. +Supposing one of those cables breaks under tow. Then we'll all be doomed. Any other questions? +Ready? Bring it on, dude. +Nobody just scuttles a passenger liner either. Ever heard of insurance, big boy? +If this thing turns out to be a ship everybody thought sank a long time ago, we just hit the jackpot. Yeah, well how the hell you get something like that wrong? That's a damn big boat. It's either sunk or it ain't. +Last thing we want is extra partners. Or uninvited guests. +This's gonna hurt a little. Thanks for the warning -- Ow! Damn! +What other choices have we got? I tell you one thing, we're not gonna be towing no ship now. +Guess I'll just keep working. What're you crazy? +What're you crazy? I like my job. +Light in those passages ain't so good. I'm telling you, I saw somebody. I don't know who it was. But I saw somebody. +Maybe that is his boat. Gimme a break. +Fifty million dollars. Fifty million. We gonna let this guy just take it from us? One guy? So we kill him? +So we kill him? I'm saying we gotta do whatever we gotta do to preserve our interest. +One guy isn't gonna be so stupid. Maybe he isn't alone. +Pretty handy with that scatter gun, Epps. You raised on a farm? Seen a lota movies. +Smokes? Oh yeah. +I'm no doctor. But I'd say he's in a coma. A what? +A what? I don't know what else you'd call it. He's breathing on his own, but his pupils are completely blown out. He's totally unresponsive to pain. What happened up there? +I don't know what else you'd call it. He's breathing on his own, but his pupils are completely blown out. He's totally unresponsive to pain. What happened up there? I heard a scream. When I got there I found him on the floor. He was having some kind of seizure. I didn't see anybody else. +Other than the obvious, there's nothing wrong with him that I can see, not on the outside. Then what the hell happened to him? +Try Wednesday. Right. Wednesday. +Did you? Hell no. You think I'm crazy? +What say, Epps? You up for some roasted albatross? Why not? +Dodge. Dodge. What? +What? Get up. +Get up. Yeah, yeah. +You aren't jealous, are you Dodge? Are you kidding me? Jealous? Epps? Gimme a break. +What the hell would a freighter be doing up here? It's way out of the lanes. There's not a port for 800 miles. Smugglers maybe. +Yeah, from one side of the harbor to the other. But we got half the Bering Sea and the whole Alaskan gulf to drag her over. You have any idea how much a ship like that could be worth in salvage? The fittings alone could go for a few million. +You have any idea how much a ship like that could be worth in salvage? The fittings alone could go for a few million. If you get it back in one piece. +If you get it back in one piece. It's a risk I'm willing to take. +It's a bloody navigation hazard. One boat can't control a ship that size. The damn thing's been floating around for God knows how long and it hasn't hit anything yet. So we take it easy. A little of the old push pull. +With a little extra fuel, weather permitting, we should make Sitka in five days without another stop. Sounds reasonable. +Mother fucker! What is it? +What is it? Threw a turbine blade. +The number one turbine's pretty well trashed. Number two runs, but it's way underpowered. How long to fix? +How long to fix? Hard to say. I gotta get in there and have a look. At least a couple days. Depending. +What's this? Turbine rotor's shot. +Turbine rotor's shot. I thought you said it was just a blade. +I thought you said it was just a blade. Metal's crystallized. Gotta replace the whole deal. +Metal's crystallized. Gotta replace the whole deal. How much longer's that gonna take? +How much longer's that gonna take? Like I always say -- +Like I always say -- I know I know, two ways to do anything -- +I know I know, two ways to do anything -- The right way and the wrong way. +The right way and the wrong way. But how long? +But how long? Hard to say. +Hard to say. We gotta get outa here, Dodge. A storm blows up and we're history. +We gotta get outa here, Dodge. A storm blows up and we're history. I'm telling you, you don't want to be running that fan like it is. +I'm telling you, you don't want to be running that fan like it is. What about running number two by itself? +What about running number two by itself? It's a full 2500 horses down. We couldn't drag that boat down hill on ice with it. +It's a full 2500 horses down. We couldn't drag that boat down hill on ice with it. How long, then? +How long, then? I gotta pull the blades and re-seat everything in a new rotor -- . +I gotta pull the blades and re-seat everything in a new rotor -- . How long? +How long? Three, four days. +Three, four days. Goddamit, Dodge. +Goddamit, Dodge. What do you want me to tell you, that we can throw this sucker back in and start pulling her like nothing happened? Can't do it, skipper. +Obviously it's some kind of screw up. The shipping records aren't a hundred percent accurate. Man, it gives me the creeps. We got no business towing a ship that size anyway. I say we fix the turbines and hit the highway. +Went aboard. She take a radio? +It's a hell of a lot of money. What, you think there's something funny about it? +What, you think there's something funny about it? A ship with fifty million dollars in gold aboard, adrift? And nobody seems to care enough to come looking for it? +Didn't happen yesterday, I'll tell you that. Torn parts rusted bad as the rest of the boat. Then it happened before they scuttled her. +Or somebody stopped them. Either way, they must've had a pretty good reason. +So what're we gonna do. That's the big question, right? A salvage claim to a vessel's cargo's as valid as a claim to the vessel itself. It's ours. +A salvage claim to a vessel's cargo's as valid as a claim to the vessel itself. It's ours. Then we're rich. We're damn, filthy stinking rich. +Then we're rich. We're damn, filthy stinking rich. It looks like it. +You gotta be kidding? What the hell we need that tub for, we got fifty million bucks? So we get a little more for the boat. Besides, the gold'll be safer where it is. +Yeah, yeah. I'm on it. The sooner we get under way, the sooner we are to spending what's ours. +I'm buyin' me a nice outrigger. Spend my time hauling rich Seattle business men through the Puget. How about you Epps? +Dreamin's all any of you're gonna be doing if we don't get this boat running. Yeah, yeah. +Sounds like the hull. Warm water current maybe, making the metal expand. +If somebody's aboard her already, she ain't ours. She's theirs. Bullshit. That boat hasn't made steam for fifty years. We found her. She's ours. +Bullshit. That boat hasn't made steam for fifty years. We found her. She's ours. Not in the eyes of the law. +I say fuck the motherfucker. We're a professional salvage crew going about our business. What's some yahoo doing way out here by himself anyway? And what do you propose? That we knock this guy off? +And what do you propose? That we knock this guy off? Why not? Why the fuck not? +What if that fucker finds it before we're ready to go? We'll stand a watch. Four on, eight off. Low man first. +If he's reasonable, maybe we can make some kind of deal. If not. We'll have to re-consider our options. Yeah, reconsider fucking his shit up. +Bodies're too fresh. Fresh ain't the first word that comes to mind. +Damn barbaric is what it is. Could be meant as a warning. +That'd be my guess. So whoever did this might still be around. +Can't you use something else? I might be able to find something on the ship. But it's gonna take time. +I might be able to find something on the ship. But it's gonna take time. Do what you need to do. Just do it fast. +Do what you need to do. Just do it fast. Right. +Dodge to Murphy. Murphy. +Murphy. "You better get down here quick, skipper. I'm on ""C"" deck. Cabin 400." +"You better get down here quick, skipper. I'm on ""C"" deck. Cabin 400." What is it? +What is it? I think you better see this for yourself. +It was a man's voice. Repeating some sort of children's rhyme. I don't know, it didn't make any sense. You didn't hear it? Not me. +On a passenger ship in 1953? If they knew what they were carrying. +So. I got a question. Just from a, you know, purely technical standpoint. We call the Coastguard. Coastguard shows up. What exactly is the plan? How do you mean? +How do you mean? Well, they're gonna be asking a lot of questions. About us. About those bodies. About the gold. Seems like we oughta be prepared is all. +Well, they're gonna be asking a lot of questions. About us. About those bodies. About the gold. Seems like we oughta be prepared is all. I guess the best strategy's just to tell them the truth. +I guess the best strategy's just to tell them the truth. Yeah, well. The truth is one thing. When there's more than a few hundred million dollars involved, that's a whole new deal. +Yeah, well. The truth is one thing. When there's more than a few hundred million dollars involved, that's a whole new deal. What do you propose? +What do you propose? For starters, getting that gold off the ship. What they don't know about isn't gonna bother them. +There's no way we're gonna hide a few thousand pounds of gold from the Coastguard here. Besides, it'll be safer where it is. With all due respect, skipper. Part of that up there's mine. I'd kinda like to have a little say in what happens to it. +Just what the hell do you think you're doing?! I don't know what you're talking about? +I don't know what you're talking about? I think you know. +I think you know. Maybe you can tell me then. +The radio! The radio. Oh, yeah, the radio. +Take it easy, willya? What about the radio?! You smashed it! +You smashed it! What?! +What?! Don't lie to me! +Don't lie to me! What the fuck -- ? +What the fuck -- ? You didn't want us calling anybody. Too liable to ruin your big payday. +You didn't want us calling anybody. Too liable to ruin your big payday. I didn't touch the fucking radio. +I didn't touch the fucking radio! Ever occur to you there's somebody else on that boat, skipper? Conveniently enough for you. +Conveniently enough for you. Look, I didn't touch it. Alright? +Yeah. You better get down here right now! We're taking water! Big time! +What the hell happened! Turbine chamber on number two must've blown! Took out part of the hull! +That oughta buy a man pretty much anything he wants. If money can buy what he wants. +If money can buy what he wants. I don't figure there's much I want money can't buy. +I don't figure there's much I want money can't buy. Then you're a lucky man. +We'll stand the watch on deck tonight. You're up first. Right. +Tomorrow we'll see if we can't find some line and tackle. Use some of those bodies below decks for bait. There's a charming thought. +You're late. Sorry. +Sorry. Don't fall asleep. +Don't fall asleep. Right. +What's slow? Maybe twenty gallons an hour. +Morning everybody. Show your tatoos to that coxswain last night, did you Epps? +Show your tatoos to that coxswain last night, did you Epps? Showed him a hell of a lot more than that. +Showed him a hell of a lot more than that. I bet you did. +Could be a fishing boat. Too big. More like a freighter. +Looks like one hell of a stick up his ass. He'd let you off at the nearest port, that's for sure. +You mean, before she sank. Cargo like this could make a crew think twice. +Then why didn't they take it. Probably didn't have time. +Two hundred twenty two kilograms of solid gold. That's what I call a payday. +That's what I call a payday. Hell yeah. +That's a good thing? Hell, yeah. I like it cold. Colder the better. +What'd he look like? Maybe six feet. Lanky. I didn't get a good look. He was far away. But I saw him. I saw him as sure as you're standing there. +Coffee. You're a pal. +Stay away. Or else. Because of the gold. +Any dizziness? No. +No. Headache, nausea, lights? +Headache, nausea, lights? Lights? +Lights? Sudden flashes of light. +Sudden flashes of light. I feel fine. +I don't even want to know what that's gonna taste like now. Better than starving to death. +You okay? Yeah. Fine. I just thought I heard something is all. +Yeah. Fine. I just thought I heard something is all. What? +What? Nothing. Let's get outa here. +I can't believe you. Dodge's dead and all you can think about is cashing in your share. I didn't sign up to go home empty handed. And I sure ain't gonna roll over for the freaky motherfucker did this. +Candy? It's my pen name. +Go on. Salvage fees on a vessel like this could come in around four million bucks. At least. Who knows, could be more. Could be a lot more. What I'm proposing is... we split it four ways. +The law's on our side. If they want to challenge it, let them try. They must've scuttled it. Nobody just lets a ship float away. +Coffee? Yeah. Thanks. +What'd you find up there? Some charts. A crew manifest. Looks like her last voyage was January 1953. The question is where the hell's she been since. +Some charts. A crew manifest. Looks like her last voyage was January 1953. The question is where the hell's she been since. She was sailing up north, right? +She was sailing up north, right? Her destination was Halifax, yeah. +Her destination was Halifax, yeah. Well, suppose she got a little further north than she should have. Got stuck in the ice. The passengers and crew evacuated. She froze into the ice pack, which moved further north, where it froze in solid. They write it off. Fifty years later, the whole global warming thing happens. The ice melts, she gets loose and floats around til somebody runs into her. +Ever heard of the Mary Celeste? Nope. +Nope. She was a two-masted brig boat sailing out of New York in 1872. One day she was sighted off the coast of Portugal by a merchant vessel, the Dei Gratia. As the crew of the Dei Gratia got closer, they discovered that no one was at the helm of the Mary Celeste. On boarding, they found her completely deserted. The captain, his wife, their daughter, and the entire crew, all gone. The last entry in their log made no mention of any trouble. The table was even set for dinner. And in the nine days after the last entry, she sailed 700 miles without anyone aboard. +She was a two-masted brig boat sailing out of New York in 1872. One day she was sighted off the coast of Portugal by a merchant vessel, the Dei Gratia. As the crew of the Dei Gratia got closer, they discovered that no one was at the helm of the Mary Celeste. On boarding, they found her completely deserted. The captain, his wife, their daughter, and the entire crew, all gone. The last entry in their log made no mention of any trouble. The table was even set for dinner. And in the nine days after the last entry, she sailed 700 miles without anyone aboard. So what did happen? +So what did happen? Nobody knows. There've been a lot of theories, of course. But we'll never really know for sure. +Nobody knows. There've been a lot of theories, of course. But we'll never really know for sure. You think she's sailing without a crew? +I think we'd be surprised where a drifting ship might wind up with a little wind and the right current. You're more practical than superstitious. +You're more practical than superstitious. Only way to be. +Maybe they didn't want it back. Maybe the whole fat deal was insured. Maybe. But there's always somebody whose interest's at stake. +Why not call for help? For now the best thing we can do is to keep quiet about this. +Take it easy, you'll live longer. Did you see him? +Did you see him? Who? +Who? The guy. He just came this way. +The guy. He just came this way. What guy? +What guy? There's somebody else on this boat. +There's somebody else on this boat. What? What the hell're you talking about. +What? What the hell're you talking about. I saw him. Just a minute ago. Some guy. +I saw him. Just a minute ago. Some guy. Are you sure? +Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. I saw him. +Of course I'm sure. I saw him. You sure it wasn't me? +You sure it wasn't me? It wasn't you. It was somebody else. There's somebody else aboard. +So, we find this guy and make a deal with him. We don't exactly have the best bargaining position. +Guess that'd be me. Again. Dodge, get on that turbine. I don't care if you don't sleep for a week. The sooner you're done, the sooner we can get out of here. How's the food situation? +No cowboy shit up there, understand? No cowboy shit. Right. +Got your light? Yup. +Murphy to Epps. Epps. +Epps. You just shoot at something? +You just shoot at something? Yeah. Just a bird. Just a stupid bird. +Just before I heard him yell there was somebody on the radio. Greer? +Greer? I don't know. No. Not Greer. Somebody. +He needs a doctor. I'll call us in. Dodge, see how many signal flares you can scrounge up. Keep an eye on him. +How's he doing? Same. Any luck? +Same. Any luck? No. I'll try again later. +They're dead in the water that morning. Four hours later the captain's relieved of his command. And that evening they issue a general SOS. Possibly false. Hence the IMA record of being lost at sea. I don't think mutiny's out of the question here. +You're saying they mutinied for the gold? If they were close enough to shore, they probably figured they could get away in the lifeboats. +If they were close enough to shore, they probably figured they could get away in the lifeboats. Only something must've gone wrong. +The ah... the radio's out. What? +What? Somebody took it out of commission last night. +Smashed it up pretty bad. But, who -- ? +"""The crew have gone mad with greed and fight among themselves like wild dogs over fresh kill.""" February first. +February first. The same day she supposedly went down. +The same day she supposedly went down. Must not've been the captain's entry. He was probably out of the picture by then. +"""Their lacking diligence has undoubtedly caused the collision. Distress calls have been made.""" Collision? With what? +Collision? With what? The page's missing. Then their SOS was real. +The page's missing. Then their SOS was real. But where's the damage? +But where's the damage? Maybe the other ship took the worst of it. +Maybe the other ship took the worst of it. If it was a ship she hit. +It's a good bet they'll be asking a lot of questions when they get here too. Let 'em ask. This ship's legally ours now. +It's not gonna hold us. Doesn't matter. +Hey. Hey. +Hey. Couldn't sleep. +Couldn't sleep. Wish I could say the same. +What do you think happened on this boat? I guess that's the sixty four thousand dollar question, isn't it? +I guess that's the sixty four thousand dollar question, isn't it? The what? +The what? Never mind. Before your time. I think at least some of the crew went a little nuts. The usual stuff that happens when people stumble on a fortune. Equal parts greed and paranoia, usually resulting in homicide. What happened after that is anybody's guess. But, judging by our Greek friends down below, it doesn't look like the last time. +Never mind. Before your time. I think at least some of the crew went a little nuts. The usual stuff that happens when people stumble on a fortune. Equal parts greed and paranoia, usually resulting in homicide. What happened after that is anybody's guess. But, judging by our Greek friends down below, it doesn't look like the last time. Are we smart enough to avoid that? +Are we smart enough to avoid that? I don't know, are we? +When you found me yesterday, at the pool. I'd seen... something. Someone. Not our mystery guest again. +Not our mystery guest again. No. Someone else. A girl. I'm not sure she was... real. +What, like some kind of ghost? I don't know what else you'd call her. One second she was there, the next she was gone. +Maybe hallucination is the wrong word. It was more than that. As though they were showing me. Showing you what? +Showing you what? What happened. +What happened. Maybe it was one of them did the handy work on those Greeks. +Maybe it was one of them did the handy work on those Greeks. No. I think they are, were, just passengers. Innocent victims. +No. I think they are, were, just passengers. Innocent victims. Victims of what? +Victims of what? Something bad happened here, Murphy. +Something bad happened here, Murphy. That much I think we've already established. +That much I think we've already established. More than just a mutiny. More than just the gold. +She said the ship was evil. That we had to leave right away. That if we didn't, we might never leave. What's that supposed to mean? +What's that supposed to mean? I don't know. +Why you? How come the rest of us haven't seen these people? Just lucky I guess. +Murphy to Epps. Epps, over. +Epps, over. Either of you seen Dodge? +Nope. He's not on deck and I can't raise him on the radio. +Epps? You there? Right here. +What do we do with him? Leave him till we can get some help. From now on, nobody comes down here. +What do you think? "Could be a stroke. Who knows? The general log said the crew were fighting among themselves. ""Like wild dogs.""" +"Could be a stroke. Who knows? The general log said the crew were fighting among themselves. ""Like wild dogs.""" Over the gold. +Over the gold. Maybe it was more than that. +They went crazy. Crazy with greed. Not crazy. Not like him. +Hard to say which is worse, staying here or taking our chances in open water. If the weather holds it might not be so bad. +If the weather holds it might not be so bad. It's not the weather I'm worried about. The wrong current could drag us as far as the Aleutians before we come across another boat. +What happened? We hit land. +We hit land. What? +What? We're in an island chain. It's only a matter of time before we hit another one. +We're in an island chain. It's only a matter of time before we hit another one. Greer's gone. He broke out of the tank. +You killed them. It was only a matter of time before somebody killed somebody. You saw it coming as well as I did. Dodge had his plans, starting with scuttling the boat. And Greer too, except he went nuts. Couldn't take it, I guess. Could've happened in the middle of downtown Anchorage. But did it make him any less dangerous? I don't think so. +It was only a matter of time before somebody killed somebody. You saw it coming as well as I did. Dodge had his plans, starting with scuttling the boat. And Greer too, except he went nuts. Couldn't take it, I guess. Could've happened in the middle of downtown Anchorage. But did it make him any less dangerous? I don't think so. So you killed them? +So you killed them? The way I figure it, it was them or me. I thought putting Dodge up on that pipe was a nice touch? Bought a little time. Made it look like whoever killed those Greeks was still around. But it's just us on this ship. Us and your... spirit friends. +The way I figure it, it was them or me. I thought putting Dodge up on that pipe was a nice touch? Bought a little time. Made it look like whoever killed those Greeks was still around. But it's just us on this ship. Us and your... spirit friends. And now you're gonna kill me, is that it? +And now you're gonna kill me, is that it? I didn't want it to turn out this way. +I didn't want it to turn out this way. Murphy, don't you see what's happening? +Murphy, don't you see what's happening? I think I see it pretty well. +I think I see it pretty well. It's the ship. The ship's making you think this way. +It's the ship. The ship's making you think this way. I know a little bit about human nature and what I've seen only confirms that. +I know a little bit about human nature and what I've seen only confirms that. It's a trap. There was no way we were gonna get away with that gold. Nobody ever does. It's just the bait. This ship sucks people in and it never lets them out. +It's a trap. There was no way we were gonna get away with that gold. Nobody ever does. It's just the bait. This ship sucks people in and it never lets them out. I think maybe you been on this boat a little too long, with all that supernatural mumbo jumbo. There's nothing supernatural about greed. And that's what it comes down to, pure and simple. +I think maybe you been on this boat a little too long, with all that supernatural mumbo jumbo. There's nothing supernatural about greed. And that's what it comes down to, pure and simple. I don't give a damn about the gold. +I don't give a damn about the gold. I wish I could believe that. Either way, you know what I've done. I've got no choice. +Greer to Murphy. Go. +The number nine on the starboard side's half flooded. Epps says it's a slow leak just under the waterline, about twenty gallons an hour. They must've pumped it before we left Sitka. Of course they did. +Of course they did. Let the buyer beware. +Let the buyer beware. What do you say, Dodge? +Not bad for dragging a leaky tub half way to Russia. He'll sell the scrap for three times what he paid. +He'll sell the scrap for three times what he paid. I must be in the wrong business. +I must be in the wrong business. You got that right. +You got that right. "Better than ""making hamburger for Mickey D.""" +Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky in morning, sailor take warning. +Yeah. There's a large vessel out about ten miles to the north-west. +I been watching it for close to an hour and it hasn't moved. I can't raise it on the radio either. Makes me think it might be in trouble. Alright. I'll be right up. +Too deep to anchor out there. Looks like it's adrift. +Call the Coastguard? Steer to one eight five. Let's check her out. +It's funny. How's that? +How's that? Besides a little rust, everything's pretty well-preserved. +Murphy, goddamit. Sorry. +Whatever the reason, she's adrift and abandoned. We've got every right to salvage her. You mean tow her back? That's a thirty thousand ton ship you're talking about. +You mean tow her back? That's a thirty thousand ton ship you're talking about. We've done it before. +All we got to do is hit some rough weather and you can forget about it. So we cut her loose and wait it out. A little weather couldn't be anything she hasn't seen before. +Some classy tub in it's day, huh? Yeah. +Morning. You're up late. +You're up late. Guess I must've fallen back to sleep. Where's Epps? +How much you figure that's worth, skipper? Hard to say. Maybe forty, fifty million. +Hard to say. Maybe forty, fifty million. Ho, baby! +If they thought it was lost at sea, they probably just wrote it off. Not for fifty million. An ocean liner maybe. But fifty million in gold, they come looking for. +So what? We gonna unload the gold and get a move on? We leave it where it is. Stick to the plan. +Yeah, but we still gotta haul that big piece of shit all the way back to Sitka. It's worth the effort. Believe me. Besides we're gonna need her to prove the salvage. +I heard that. Dodge, you gotta get on those repairs. +What now? We could call for help. +We could call for help. And get a bunch of fools sniffin' around here? +Fifty million four ways. That's twelve million and change a piece. What you gonna do with your share, skipper? Not much at all, I guess. Retire. Live out my golden years and all that. +Greer? Moving to Sweden. +I don't know. Let's just take it easy here, alright? Nobody's gonna kill anybody. +Let's just take it easy here, alright? Nobody's gonna kill anybody. Supposing he wants to get bad with us? +I say we off-load some of that gold now. Would you hold on just a minute here, please? Look, there's no reason to panic now. Epps saw somebody. Fine. It's a big boat. Chances're real good he doesn't even know about the gold. If we stay cool, nobody'll be the wiser. The gold stays where it is til we're ready to go. Like I said, it'll be a hell of a lot safer there than here. +Pretty low all around. We'll have to take it easy then. I don't think we'll find much aboard the ship, but it's probably worth looking around. +Ho-ly shit. Couldn't have happened much more than a month ago. +Greek citizen. Merchant navy. Obviously we aren't the first to come across this ship. They probably stumbled across it just like we did. And look what happened. +Maybe Epps's mystery man had something to do with it. Maybe. +Never been more thirsty in my life. Drink up then. +How're you feeling? Lost my sea legs. +What happened? You don't remember? +You don't remember? Last thing I remember I was aboard the Chimera. Down somewhere in there scavenging around. +Last thing I remember I was aboard the Chimera. Down somewhere in there scavenging around. You've been out for about a day. +You've been out for about a day. Say what? +Say what? Dodge found you out cold in one of the cabins. +Oh, man. We heard you scream. Any idea what you might've seen? +We heard you scream. Any idea what you might've seen? I wish I could tell you. I'd be real interested to know myself. +We're not gonna be able to pump it! Alright. Everybody grab your gear! This' is where we get off! +We ain't exactly in what you'd call your high traffic neighborhood either. The coast guard has our last position. They'll send somebody out soon enough. A ship this size you can't exactly miss. +Gettin' a little hot under the collar, I'd say. Shut up. +Shut up. Must be a little too the truth, eh Dodge? +It's a Noaa buoy. A what? +A what? Government weather. It's got a transmitter aboard. +We're still drifting. The mooring hasn't come taught. +He took the shotgun and a light. Must've heard something below deck and went down to check it out. +Can't find the shotgun. So whoever did this now has our shotgun. +So whoever did this now has our shotgun. Doesn't look like it much matters. +What about the gold? Leave it. +Leave it. Now hold up just a minute. Let's be reasonable here. +Now hold up just a minute. Let's be reasonable here. You think whoever did this is reasonable? +You think whoever did this is reasonable? All I'm saying is that gold's worth a lot more to us now than it ever was. +Nobody's going anywhere with that gold now. Anybody tries to board, we'll know about it. You can do what you want, Greer. But neither of us is gonna risk saving your ass down here if it comes to that. Fine with me. +What seems to be the trouble, ladies? Whyn't you mind your own business, chief. +As I said, what seems to be the trouble? Didn't you hear me, grandpa? Or you got your hearing aid turned down? +Didn't you hear me, grandpa? Or you got your hearing aid turned down? I heard you. But I'm choosing to ignore you. Epps, let's go. +These ladies was having themselves a discussion and you're interrupting it. You got about two seconds to get your paws off me, Tarzan. +You got about two seconds to get your paws off me, Tarzan. Or what? +I thought you say Tuesday. Better late than never. +Better late than never. What's this? +What's this? You got a leak in the number nine compartment. +You got a leak in the number nine compartment. No, no. You got leak. +No, no. You got leak. You pump it out and re-seam the hull, she'll be good as new. +You pump it out and re-seam the hull, she'll be good as new. That cost me twenty grand at least. +That cost me twenty grand at least. Fifteen, at the most. +Fifteen, at the most. Twenty. You knock off twenty and then we see. After my guy looks at it. +You're kidding, right? You want fair pay, make hamburger for Mickey D. Otherwise, please to sign. +Have you seen my blue spatula? Nope. What are you making, pancakes? +Nope. What are you making, pancakes? Not if I don't find that goddamn spatula. +Will you get off my back for once? It's tough to find a good job without any kind of training. +It's tough to find a good job without any kind of training. Look, I told you I'm not going to college. +Look, I told you I'm not going to college. Well, I think it's good to keep all your options open. You can always enroll for the winter quarter. You could even live here and go to the city college part time, and still get a job if you wanted to. +Well, I think it's good to keep all your options open. You can always enroll for the winter quarter. You could even live here and go to the city college part time, and still get a job if you wanted to. Look at me -- I'm not even listening to a word you're saying. +Did I tell you who I ran into at the bagel place? Who? +Who? Guess. +Guess. How should I know? +How should I know? Someone from the past. +Someone from the past. Who? +Who? Give up? +Give up? YES. +YES. Maxine. +Maxine. Not the Maxine? +Not the Maxine? Yup. +Yup. God, how horrifying. +Hi. Look, I'm kind of tired - I think I'll go to bed. I made spaghetti. Do you want some? +I made spaghetti. Do you want some? I-I really have to get up early for class tomorrow. +I have some good news for you, Pumpkin. What is it now? +What is it now? Are you still looking for a job? +Are you still looking for a job? I guess. +I guess. Well, Maxine thinks she can get you a sales job at Computer Station. Normally you have to have references and at least two years of experience, but she thinks she can convince them. +Well, Maxine thinks she can get you a sales job at Computer Station. Normally you have to have references and at least two years of experience, but she thinks she can convince them. Tell her to forget it - I don't need her help. +Pumpkin? What's wrong? Nothing. +It's nothing -- it's just some hormonal thing... don't worry about it... I've got some important news to tell you, but it can wait till later if you're not feeling... +I've got some important news to tell you, but it can wait till later if you're not feeling... What? +What? Well... as you know, Maxine and I have been seeing a lot of each other, and we decided it might be a good idea for all of us if she came back here to live at the end of the Summer, just so we can all get to know each other and to make sure this is what we want. +Pumpkin, are you in there? Are you going to yell at me? +Are you going to yell at me? About what? +About what? Yeah, I heard about that. +Yeah, I heard about that. I was in a horrible mood - tell her not to worry, I'll be completely out of her life in a few days. +I was in a horrible mood - tell her not to worry, I'll be completely out of her life in a few days. She understands what you're going through and she really wants to help you. She says that job at Computer Station is still available if you want it. +She understands what you're going through and she really wants to help you. She says that job at Computer Station is still available if you want it. I-I'm not sure... yeah, maybe. +I-I'm not sure... yeah, maybe. Actually, I was just checking to see if you were here - your friend Seymour is on his way up. +Actually, I was just checking to see if you were here - your friend Seymour is on his way up. "What do you mean ""on his way up""!?" +"What do you mean ""on his way up""!?" I just buzzed him in. +What's wrong with you?! Tell him I'm not here! But I can't -- +But I can't -- JUST DO IT! +That was great - jeez, thanks again for cooking all this. Oh I love to cook. I guess most women wouldn't invite a man over on the first date, but I believe you should trust your instincts. When I talked to you on the phone you just seemed so... I don't know... harmless. Ready for ice cream? +Here we are... it's mocha mint from Lickety Splits. Oh, isn't that photograph just heart-rending? Yeah ... where is this? Bosnia? +Yeah ... where is this? Bosnia? Was it Bosnia? I forget... It's so sad, the tragedy of an entire country eloquently captured in the face of one little boy. A Soul/Funk song starts up on the radio that catches her attention. She goes over and turns it up. +Was it Bosnia? I forget... It's so sad, the tragedy of an entire country eloquently captured in the face of one little boy. A Soul/Funk song starts up on the radio that catches her attention. She goes over and turns it up. Oh, I just love this song! Isn't it great? Doesn't it make you want to dance? C'mon! +Oh, I just love this song! Isn't it great? Doesn't it make you want to dance? C'mon! Uh, well, that's okay - I don't dance, heh, heh... +Uh, well, that's okay - I don't dance, heh, heh... Don't be silly, anyone can dance. Here, just follow me... watch my feet. +Don't be silly, anyone can dance. Here, just follow me... watch my feet. No, really I -- +Hey, it's nearly nine already - we're gonna have to leave now if we're going to make that movie. Oh, all right... Party-pooper! Just let me put a few things away. +I'm so excited to see this film - Dustoffvarnya is such a brilliant director! Did you see his last film, The Flower That Drank The Moon? It was simply glorious! Uh, no. I missed that one. But what do I know? I like Laurel and Hardy movies. +Uh, no. I missed that one. But what do I know? I like Laurel and Hardy movies. Really? I never really cared for those. Why does the fat one always have to be so mean to the skinny one? +Seymour?... uh... hello... I guess I'm a little early... Dana! Hi! Uh, Dana... this is Enid... +Dana! Hi! Uh, Dana... this is Enid... Hello... +Seymour! Hello! What are you doing here? Oh -- please - don't let me interrupt finish your phone call. +Oh -- please - don't let me interrupt finish your phone call. We're almost done. Hi. Yeah... no, it's excluded. They've already paid the earnest money... well, let them bring it up if they notice it at the final walk through. Right, great, sounds good! +Hey... so, what brings you down here? I uh... I feel that I need to uh -- there's something I feel I have to say... I uh, I've never said this to anyone before -- believe me, I've stayed in horrible relationships for years just so I wouldn't have to do this, but I uh... +I uh... I feel that I need to uh -- there's something I feel I have to say... I uh, I've never said this to anyone before -- believe me, I've stayed in horrible relationships for years just so I wouldn't have to do this, but I uh... What are you trying to say? +What are you trying to say? It's just that I feel like it's maybe not a good idea for us to keep going out. +I-I honestly never intended for this to happen... Please tell me it isn't that teenager! +Please tell me it isn't that teenager! Enid and I were just friends. You know... we feel comfortable around each other... she really likes my old records and... +Enid and I were just friends. You know... we feel comfortable around each other... she really likes my old records and... I can't believe this! I thought at the very least a guy like you would never pull this kind of shit on me! +And what can you tell us about this... Enid. It's sort of like a diary I guess. +Who is this, Enid? It's supposed to be Don Knotts. +It's supposed to be Don Knotts. And what was your reason for choosing him as your subject? +And what was your reason for choosing him as your subject? I dunno... I just like Don Knotts. +I dunno... I just like Don Knotts. I see... interesting... +These are all valid comments, but I think we should see if the artist has anything to bring to this. Well, I got the idea when I was doing some research and I discovered that Cook's Chicken used to be called Coon's Chicken, and so I decided to do my project based on this discovery as kind of a comment on racism... and the way racism is whitewashed over in our culture... +Well, I got the idea when I was doing some research and I discovered that Cook's Chicken used to be called Coon's Chicken, and so I decided to do my project based on this discovery as kind of a comment on racism... and the way racism is whitewashed over in our culture... Did you actually do this painting? +Did you actually do this painting? "Well, no - it's more like a ""found art object.""" +"Well, no - it's more like a ""found art object.""" And how do you think this addresses the subject of racism? +And how do you think this addresses the subject of racism? It's complicated... I guess I'm trying to show how racism used to -- more out in the open and now it's hidden, or something... +It's complicated... I guess I'm trying to show how racism used to -- more out in the open and now it's hidden, or something... And how does an image like this help us to see that? +And how does an image like this help us to see that? I'm not sure... I mean... I guess because when we see something like this it seems really shocking and we have to figure out why it's so shocking? +Enid, can I talk to you for a minute? Uh-oh. +Uh-oh. Don't worry - it's nothing bad. I was just wondering what your plans were for next year? +Don't worry - it's nothing bad. I was just wondering what your plans were for next year? I'm not really sure - working, I guess... +I'm not really sure - working, I guess... Well, I know this is really short notice, but I got a call from a very close friend at the Academy of Art & Design and she tells me that I'm allowed to place one student from your graduating class in a one year scholarship program... and, well, I hope you don't mind, Enid, but I took the liberty of submitting your name. +Hmm. As far as I know it includes housing and meals and everything... it is really quite an offer... +As far as I know it includes housing and meals and everything... it is really quite an offer... ...wow... +...wow... So what do you think? +So what do you think? I dunno... Would I have to take classes and stuff? +I dunno... Would I have to take classes and stuff? Well, yes... +Well, yes... I... +I... Let me know as soon as you can, Enid. This could be a great thing for you. +Enid! I'm so sorry about what happened. What do you mean? +What do you mean? The whole business with the art show and the newspaper -- it's absolutely -- +The whole business with the art show and the newspaper -- it's absolutely -- Huh? +Huh? Didn't Principal Jaffee call you? +Didn't Principal Jaffee call you? I didn't check my messages... +I didn't check my messages... Oh my goodness... well, the whole thing is just ridiculous, and as soon as the school board is back in session next Fall I'm going to do everything I can to help you. +Oh my goodness... well, the whole thing is just ridiculous, and as soon as the school board is back in session next Fall I'm going to do everything I can to help you. Help me what? +Help me what? Well they're forcing me to give you a non-passing grade in the class because of what happened at the exhibition... but don't worry -- I'm sure I'll be able to get you your diploma in the Fall! +Well they're forcing me to give you a non-passing grade in the class because of what happened at the exhibition... but don't worry -- I'm sure I'll be able to get you your diploma in the Fall! But... can I still get that scholarship to the Art Academy? +But... can I still get that scholarship to the Art Academy? I'm sorry, Enid - you have to be an official high school graduate before I can nominate you. I had to give it to someone else... But I'm sure next year I can -- +I'm gonna let you handle the four thirty crowd by yourself - that way I can evaluate your performance while it's slow and ease you into the bigger crowds. You can count on me, sir! +What are you doing? You don't ever criticize the feature! Why? What difference does it make? You already got his money... +Why? What difference does it make? You already got his money... Look, that's the policy... if you want to make up your own rules you can open your own theater... +Look, that's the policy... if you want to make up your own rules you can open your own theater... But I was only trying to be friendly... +But I was only trying to be friendly... Look, we don't pay you to be a movie critic -- just do your job. +Look, we don't pay you to be a movie critic -- just do your job. Okay, okay... I won't say a word... +What the hell is wrong with you?! What? I'm just kidding around with the customers... It's my shtick! +What? I'm just kidding around with the customers... It's my shtick! Well lose it! And why aren't you pushing the large sizes? Didn't you get training about upsizing? +Well lose it! And why aren't you pushing the large sizes? Didn't you get training about upsizing? But I feel weird... it's so sleazy. +But I feel weird... it's so sleazy. It's not optional! +It's not optional! Jesus... +Well hello there, young employee of the Sidewinder. Look, I already told you I'm not going to give you a ride. +Look, I already told you I'm not going to give you a ride. "What can you tell me, young man, about the various flavors of ""frozen yogurt""?" +"What can you tell me, young man, about the various flavors of ""frozen yogurt""?" Look, I'll be done in a minute. Just wait outside. +Look, I'll be done in a minute. Just wait outside. I'm afraid I don't understand. I simply wish to know -- +So Josh... Look, can we talk in a minute? I'm almost done. +That guy rules! Who, Doug? He spends more time here than I do... +Who, Doug? He spends more time here than I do... So Josh, will you give us a ride? Please? Pretty please? It's going to be super fun! +So Josh, will you give us a ride? Please? Pretty please? It's going to be super fun! No. +Why do you even need a ride? You could walk there in two minutes. It's just an excuse for us to spend time with you. +Aren't there a million places like this? This is the ultimate. It's like the Taj Mahal of bad, fake 50's diners. +This is the ultimate. It's like the Taj Mahal of bad, fake 50's diners. "So, where's ""Weird Al""?" +"So, where's ""Weird Al""?" SHH! He's back there. I can see his hair bobbing up and down. +Yeah, right. No, I'm serious. Give us your whole basic philosophy in a nutshell. +That's not him... Jesus, stop freaking me out. In answer to your question, I suppose I endorse policies that are opposed to stupidity and violence and cruelty in any form... +In answer to your question, I suppose I endorse policies that are opposed to stupidity and violence and cruelty in any form... I figured something like that... +Jesus, look at this guy. Oh my God, that's HIM! +Forget it. Come on, Josh... don't you want to see where he lives? +Come on, Josh... don't you want to see where he lives? No. +No. But this guy is like a one-of-kind, rare butterfly, and we have to follow him back to his natural habitat... +But this guy is like a one-of-kind, rare butterfly, and we have to follow him back to his natural habitat... You need counseling. +Hi Josh. Hi. +Hi. I just stopped in to say hi. +I just stopped in to say hi. Yeah, well... hi... +Hi... what's up? Can I come in? +Are you the one who left that note? I guess. +Do you want something to drink? Why? +Why? "What do you mean ""why""?" +"What do you mean ""why""?" Are you trying to get me wasted so you can take advantage of my womanly charms? +Are you trying to get me wasted so you can take advantage of my womanly charms? Yeah, right... +Yeah, right... """Yeah, right""... well why not? What's so wrong with me?" +"""Yeah, right""... well why not? What's so wrong with me?" Nothing. +Nothing. Then why do you hate me so much? +Then why do you hate me so much? When did I say I hated you? +When did I say I hated you? You've never once said anything even remotely nice to me. +You've never once said anything even remotely nice to me. You make me nervous! I always feel like you're going out of your way to make me feel uncomfortable so you can laugh at me! +You make me nervous! I always feel like you're going out of your way to make me feel uncomfortable so you can laugh at me! That's just the way I am! +That's just the way I am! Yeah, well -- +Yeah, well -- It's just my stupid way of getting attention! God, I practically love you, Josh! +You must have known all along how I -- you know -- how I felt about you -- it must be totally obvious... God... I always used to dream about this... Why do you have that stupid poster? +Oh, hi... Why do all guys have to play stupid guitars? It's so typical... Either they're into cars or guns or sports or guitars... it's so obvious... +Why do all guys have to play stupid guitars? It's so typical... Either they're into cars or guns or sports or guitars... it's so obvious... How long have you been up? +How long have you been up? I couldn't sleep... I should get going; I feel really weird... +I couldn't sleep... I should get going; I feel really weird... Do you want to go get breakfast somewhere? +Do you want to go get breakfast somewhere? I don't think we should... Look, you have to totally promise me you won't tell Becky about this. +I don't think we should... Look, you have to totally promise me you won't tell Becky about this. Why not? +Why not? Because if you do, I'll kill you! +Because if you do, I'll kill you! Okay... I promise. +Okay... I promise. Just take my word for it... if she ever finds out about this I'll never hear the end of it... +Hi Enid. Hey Josh. +Hey Josh. Are you ready to go? +God, what a bunch of retards... I thought Chipmunk-face was never going to shut up. +I thought Chipmunk-face was never going to shut up. I know, I liked her better when she was an alcoholic crack addict! She gets in one car wreck and all of a sudden she's Little Miss Perfect and everybody loves her. +I know, I liked her better when she was an alcoholic crack addict! She gets in one car wreck and all of a sudden she's Little Miss Perfect and everybody loves her. It's totally sickening. Let's see if they gave me the right diploma... +What?... Oh suck my fucking dick! What? +What? These assholes are saying that I have to go to Summer school and take some stupid art class! +These assholes are saying that I have to go to Summer school and take some stupid art class! Why? +Why? "Remember that stupid hippie art teacher who failed me sophomore year? I didn't think that just because you get an ""F"" that means you have to take the class over again." +"Remember that stupid hippie art teacher who failed me sophomore year? I didn't think that just because you get an ""F"" that means you have to take the class over again." You loser. +This is so bad, it's almost good. This is so bad it's gone past good and back to bad again... +Just think, we'll never have to see any of these creepy faces ever again. Unless they're in your Summer school class! +Unless they're in your Summer school class! Shut up! +Shut up! Uh oh... don't turn around... +Uh oh... don't turn around... What? Why? +What? Why? Forget it... +"Since when is she an ""actress""?" I know, she needs to die immediately. +Oh my god, look! Is Stacy Himmler going out with Rod Harbaugh? How perfect. +How perfect. He better watch out or he'll get AIDS when he date-rapes her. +God, just think, we'll never see Dennis again. Good. +Good. God, think about that... that's actually totally depressing. +Hi. Look at these people behind you. I'm totally convinced they're Satanists. +Look at these people behind you. I'm totally convinced they're Satanists. Why? +Why? Just look at them! +So, when are we going to start looking for our apartment? Soon... I have to wait and see how this Summer class goes. +Soon... I have to wait and see how this Summer class goes. Did you sign up yet? +Did you sign up yet? Yeah, I just picked the one that sounded the easiest. +Yeah, I just picked the one that sounded the easiest. God, it's so weird that we're finally out of high school... We've been waiting for this our whole life! Now we can get our own apartment and do anything we want. It's such a weird feeling. +God, it's so weird that we're finally out of high school... We've been waiting for this our whole life! Now we can get our own apartment and do anything we want. It's such a weird feeling. I know, it hasn't really hit me yet. +Hey, look, the satanists are leaving! We should follow them! +Much later. In fact, never. +What do you do if you're a satanist, anyway? You know, sacrifice virgins and stuff... +You know, sacrifice virgins and stuff... That lets us off the hook. +Maybe there's some weird secret satanic society that meets at the Quality Cafe and all of the other regular customers are in on it except for us. Or maybe not. +Or maybe not. Maybe they're slowly poisoning us or they're planning to brainwash us and -- +Maybe they're slowly poisoning us or they're planning to brainwash us and -- Okay, okay! +Okay, okay! Hey, look at this... +"""Authentic 50's diner""? Since when were there mini-malls in the 1950's?" God, it's so totally pathetic. +Who can forget this great hit from the 50's? I feel as though I've stepped into a time warp! +Hi, Al! "Can we call you ""Weird Al""?" +I might actually get the pasta special. You loser! +"Did you notice all those weird things on the menu? Like ""The Salad Explosion""?" "I know... and instead of ""dessert"" it says ""Mindbenders.""" +"I know... and instead of ""dessert"" it says ""Mindbenders.""" What does that even mean? +Check out the Personals... maybe our future husbands are trying to contact us. "God, this paper is so boring. Who reads all this shit? Here we go... ""Windsurfing Doctor, Mensan IQ, maverick Sagittarius. Let's hit the clubs, make each other laugh!""" +"God, this paper is so boring. Who reads all this shit? Here we go... ""Windsurfing Doctor, Mensan IQ, maverick Sagittarius. Let's hit the clubs, make each other laugh!""" You can have that one. +You can have that one. "Okay, well here's yours... ""Who said all the most eligible bachelors are taken? Not this one! Stunning bod, very snugglelicious ocean sunset dreamer.""" +"Okay, well here's yours... ""Who said all the most eligible bachelors are taken? Not this one! Stunning bod, very snugglelicious ocean sunset dreamer.""" Gross. +"Jesus! Listen to this one: ""Do you remember me? Airport shuttle, June 7th. You: striking redhead with yellow dress, pearl necklace, brown shoes. I was the bookish fellow in the green cardigan who helped you find your contact lens. Am I crazy, or did we have a moment?""" God, that's so pathetic. I bet she didn't even notice him. +God, that's so pathetic. I bet she didn't even notice him. I know. And he's like psychotically obsessing over every little detail. +I know. And he's like psychotically obsessing over every little detail. We should call him and pretend to be the redhead. +We should call him and pretend to be the redhead. Oh, we totally have to. +Does Oomie really like this show? Isn't it weird? It's her favorite. +So what should we do? Wait... I just want to see what's on this tape. +Wait... I just want to see what's on this tape. What is this? +What is this? I dunno. John Ellis always puts on all this sick stuff that I have to fast-forward past to get to the good stuff. There's supposed to be a Don Knotts movie on here someplace. +Hey - why do you have this? You lent it to me in like tenth grade. +You lent it to me in like tenth grade. I've been looking all over for this. +Look at how cute I am! What a little hosebag. +Look, that's back when I hated you. I remember every minute of that party. +I remember every minute of that party. There's my dad with Joanie. +There's my dad with Joanie. I can never keep them all straight - was she the super-bitch? +I can never keep them all straight - was she the super-bitch? No, she was the second wife. The third one was the super-bitch - Maxine. There! Look at her! +I want to do him! I bet! Actually he reminds me of that one creep you went out with -- you always go for guys with some lame, fake shtick. +I bet! Actually he reminds me of that one creep you went out with -- you always go for guys with some lame, fake shtick. What are you talking about -- who? +What are you talking about -- who? That Larry guy -- what look was he going for? A gay tennis player from the forties? +That Larry guy -- what look was he going for? A gay tennis player from the forties? Fuck you! +Hey! We forgot to call the loser! Which loser? +Which loser? You know, the green cardigan guy. +You know, the green cardigan guy. Oh yeah. +You call. Why do I always have to do it? +Why do I always have to do it? You're better at it. +You're better at it. "I remember when I first started reading these I thought DWF stood for ""dwarf!""" +"I remember when I first started reading these I thought DWF stood for ""dwarf!""" What does it stand for? +What does it stand for? Shh, it's his answering machine... We hear the indistinct traces of a musical message followed by a faint BEEP. +God, I think Josh is too mature for us. I know, look at the way he drives... he's like an old man. +I know, look at the way he drives... he's like an old man. Yeah, Josh, c'mon... MOVE IT! +Look, maybe that's him! It's still twenty-five minutes early. +"I want to ""make love"" to him." I'm going to tell him you said that. +SHUT UP! She says she wants to MMPH! +Is he wearing a green cardigan? What exactly is a cardigan anyway? +It's obviously him! I can't believe it! +What's going on now? What's he doing? Oh my god, he just ordered a giant glass of milk! +What's he doing now? He's still just sitting there. God, this is totally unbearable! +Do you think he knows? I dunno... +Are you sure? Totally! Look! +He's insane! We should follow him home. +He doesn't even look that bummed out, really. I know... wouldn't you be totally pissed off? +I know... wouldn't you be totally pissed off? This kind of thing must happen to him all the time. +This is way too creepy. He won't see us... we'll just stalk him from a distance. +He won't see us... we'll just stalk him from a distance. I'm afraid if I see him, I'll start feeling really bad again. +The W.C. Fields Fan Club Newsletter... Oh my God, The National Psoriasis Foundation! Bingo! +What should we do? What if he recognizes us? Come on, it's too late now... +Ew, look at this... Gross! +Gross! I think it's cute - look at his little weasel teeth. +I think it's cute - look at his little weasel teeth. Ew, it's like some gross rat... +That was truly pathetic. "I know... I still can't get over that his name was ""Seymour.""" +He was so excited when you bought that record -- you're a saint!... God, these apartments are super expensive... It was so cute how he had his own little bags. I thought I was going to start crying!... Do you think they're gay? +It was so cute how he had his own little bags. I thought I was going to start crying!... Do you think they're gay? "What about the ""striking redhead in the yellow dress""?" +"What about the ""striking redhead in the yellow dress""?" Oh yeah... +Oh yeah... He should totally just kill himself... Hey, here's one ...Oh wait... you have to share it with a non smoking feminist and her two cats... +He should totally just kill himself... Hey, here's one ...Oh wait... you have to share it with a non smoking feminist and her two cats... I dunno... I kind of like him... He's the exact opposite of everything I really hate... In a way he's such a clueless dork that he's almost cool... +I dunno... I kind of like him... He's the exact opposite of everything I really hate... In a way he's such a clueless dork that he's almost cool... "That guy is many things but he definitely isn't ""cool""... This one would be okay, but there's no kitchen..." +"That guy is many things but he definitely isn't ""cool""... This one would be okay, but there's no kitchen..." Yeah, but... you know what I mean. +Yeah, but... you know what I mean. Not really... +Not really... Forget it, I can't explain it... +We're not sure yet, that's why we're looking. Somewhere downtown. +"""Funky""?" What, is she black now? +I've been thinking about when we look for our apartment how we have to try and convince people that we're like these totally rich yuppies... What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? That's who people want to rent to. It's a known fact that it's way easier to get a job and everything if you're rich... All we have to do is buy a few semi-expensive outfits and act like it's no big deal... it'll be fun. +That's who people want to rent to. It's a known fact that it's way easier to get a job and everything if you're rich... All we have to do is buy a few semi-expensive outfits and act like it's no big deal... it'll be fun. You just want an excuse to dress like some stupid fashion model without me making fun of you. +You just want an excuse to dress like some stupid fashion model without me making fun of you. Just promise you'll do it. +Just promise you'll do it. Okay, okay, I promise... Jesus, you're out of your mind. +What? How long have you been standing there? Did you have to buy new hair dye or did you still have some left over from eighth grade? +Did you have to buy new hair dye or did you still have some left over from eighth grade? Fuck you, bitch! +We still have to go in there sometime. It's always closed... +It's always closed... I bet they have tons of incredible shoes hidden in the back. +Where are we going? Let's go hassle Josh. +Let's go hassle Josh. """Hassle""?" +There he is... As always. +As always. Waiting for the bus that never comes... +Waiting for the bus that never comes... I wonder if he's just totally insane and he really thinks a bus is coming or -- +I wonder if he's just totally insane and he really thinks a bus is coming or -- Why don't you ask him. +JOSH! JOSH! +I'll bet he never jerks off... Yeah, he's beyond human stuff like that. +Yeah, he's beyond human stuff like that. Should we leave a note? +Why are we going here? I hate this place. It'll only take a second. +What was that all about? It's not like I'm some modern Punk dickhead... It's obviously supposed to be a 1977 Punk look, but I guess Johnny Fuckface is too stupid to get it! +It's not like I'm some modern Punk dickhead... It's obviously supposed to be a 1977 Punk look, but I guess Johnny Fuckface is too stupid to get it! I didn't get it either. +I didn't get it either. Everybody's too stupid! +How about this one? Hey, you have to see my new good luck charm. +Ew ... when did you get that? This morning at Seymour's garage sale. +This morning at Seymour's garage sale. God, aren't you tired of Seymour yet? +How about this? Forget it. I'm sure it sucks. All these movies suck. +Let's get out of here, this place makes me sick. We have to do something fun tonight this is my last weekend of freedom before I start my stupid job. +We have to do something fun tonight this is my last weekend of freedom before I start my stupid job. I know a party we could go to... +I know a party we could go to... What? Where?! +What? Where?! It's a surprise. +It's a surprise. I don't believe you. +I don't believe you. If I promise you there's really a party with a lot of guys, do you promise you'll go? +I totally, totally hate you. Aw c'mon, this is a fun party. +I'll be right back, I'm gonna go get a beer. Wait... +Give me all your money, bitch! Where did you get that? +Where did you get that? You won't believe it! Guess! +You won't believe it! Guess! Where? +Where? Anthony's II! +Anthony's II! No way... when? +No way... when? Just now... I went with Seymour. +Just now... I went with Seymour. You cunt! +That guy is totally amazing. He does that every single day. +God, how can you stand all these assholes? I don't know... Some people are okay, but mostly I feel like poisoning everybody. +I don't know... Some people are okay, but mostly I feel like poisoning everybody. At least the wheelchair guy is sort of entertaining... +At least the wheelchair guy is sort of entertaining... He's a total asshole... He doesn't even need that wheelchair, he's just totally lazy! +He's a total asshole... He doesn't even need that wheelchair, he's just totally lazy! That rules! +That rules! No, it doesn't. You'll see... you get totally sick of all the creeps and losers and weirdos. +No, it doesn't. You'll see... you get totally sick of all the creeps and losers and weirdos. But those are our people... +But those are our people... Yeah, well... So when are you going to get your job? +Yeah, well... So when are you going to get your job? I'm working on it... I've got a few leads... it's just that right now I have, all these projects that take up all my time. +I'm working on it... I've got a few leads... it's just that right now I have, all these projects that take up all my time. Like what? +Like what? Nothing. Don't worry... I promise I'll get a job next week. +Nothing. Don't worry... I promise I'll get a job next week. God, I can't believe you went to Anthony's without me. +...you don't have to make a million dollars -- just get any stupid job so we can at least start looking for an apartment. I wonder if I hang around with you because you're like my surrogate mother figure or something. Like I have this subconscious biological need to be nagged and bitched at constantly. +I wonder if I hang around with you because you're like my surrogate mother figure or something. Like I have this subconscious biological need to be nagged and bitched at constantly. You hang out with me because nobody else can stand to be around you. +You hang out with me because nobody else can stand to be around you. Or maybe... did you ever think that deep down we really might be lesbos? Maybe that's why we spend so much time together. +Or maybe... did you ever think that deep down we really might be lesbos? Maybe that's why we spend so much time together. You're gross. See that guy? +You're gross. See that guy? Which one? +Which one? He gives me a total boner! +He gives me a total boner! He's like the biggest idiot of all time! +You're just jealous. Yeah, right... Believe me, at this point I'm over the fact that every single guy likes you better than me! +Yeah, right... Believe me, at this point I'm over the fact that every single guy likes you better than me! Face it, you hate every single boy on the face of the earth! +Face it, you hate every single boy on the face of the earth! That's not true, I just hate all these obnoxious, extroverted, pseudo- bohemian losers! Sometimes I think I act so weird because I'm crazy from sexual frustration. +That's not true, I just hate all these obnoxious, extroverted, pseudo- bohemian losers! Sometimes I think I act so weird because I'm crazy from sexual frustration. Haven't you heard about the miracle of masturbation? +Haven't you heard about the miracle of masturbation? ...maybe we should be lesbos... +...maybe we should be lesbos... Get away from me! +Are you kidding? It's a dream job! I can't believe you got a job like that without even trying... God, I wish that was my job... Yeah, maybe it'll be okay. At least I'll get to see every movie for free, I guess... I had to lie and tell them I already graduated... +Yeah, maybe it'll be okay. At least I'll get to see every movie for free, I guess... I had to lie and tell them I already graduated... When are you finally going to get your diploma? +When are you finally going to get your diploma? I dunno, but next week is my last class... +I dunno, but next week is my last class... Anyway, now we can start looking for the apartment... Do you remember when we first came up with that whole idea of renting our own apartment? +Anyway, now we can start looking for the apartment... Do you remember when we first came up with that whole idea of renting our own apartment? Wasn't it like eighth grade? +Wasn't it like eighth grade? Seventh... you wanted to move out right then! +Seventh... you wanted to move out right then! That must have been when my dad was married to Maxine... +That must have been when my dad was married to Maxine... I remember our big plan was as soon as we got the apartment we were going to trick Daniel Dusentrieb into coming over and then fuck him. +I remember our big plan was as soon as we got the apartment we were going to trick Daniel Dusentrieb into coming over and then fuck him. We were such desperate sluts back then. +What are you talking about? What kind of loser gets fired after one day?! I told you - my manager was a total asshole! Don't worry, I'm going to get another job... and anyway, I have some ideas for how to make money in the meantime... +This is it? I can't believe you're selling some of this stuff. Fuck it. Everything must go! +Fuck it. Everything must go! Oh my god, I remember this hat... this was during your little old lady phase... +What was that all about? I thought everything must go! Oh yeah right, like I'm gonna let some asshole with a goatee own Goofy Gus. +Now are you going to get a regular job? Don't worry. +Don't worry. If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you could've gotten more than ten bucks for all this stuff. +If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you could've gotten more than ten bucks for all this stuff. Yeah, thanks. +Do you want to do something tonight? I can't, it's Seymour's birthday... Shit! What time is it? I have to go to the store! I was going to make him a cake... +I can't, it's Seymour's birthday... Shit! What time is it? I have to go to the store! I was going to make him a cake... Well, are we still going shopping tomorrow? +Well, are we still going shopping tomorrow? Yeah, I guess... call me... +I think one of us should fuck Josh... Go ahead... +Go ahead... No, really... +No, really... God, you're really obsessed... +God, you're really obsessed... I am not -- I just think it'd be funny to see what he'd do... +I am not -- I just think it'd be funny to see what he'd do... I thought we decided that Josh was way too cool to be interested in sex, and that he's the only decent person left in the world and we would never want to bring him down to our level and all that... +I thought we decided that Josh was way too cool to be interested in sex, and that he's the only decent person left in the world and we would never want to bring him down to our level and all that... Yeah, but maybe one of us should at least try... +Yeah, but maybe one of us should at least try... No matter what happened it would be a big disaster... Let's just try and keep everything the way it is. +Look, we have to get these... I can't afford stuff like this right now. +I can't afford stuff like this right now. I'm sick of waiting - we need to start getting stuff if we're ever going to move. Aren't these the greatest towels? +I'm sick of waiting - we need to start getting stuff if we're ever going to move. Aren't these the greatest towels? Why do you care about this kind of stuff? +Why do you care about this kind of stuff? Don't you want nice stuff? +Don't you want nice stuff? I can't imagine spending money on towels. +I can't imagine spending money on towels. You don't have to. I'll pay for all the stuff right now and you can pay me back when you finally get a job. +You don't have to. I'll pay for all the stuff right now and you can pay me back when you finally get a job. You're insane. +You're insane. Do you still want to go to that thing tonight? +Do you still want to go to that thing tonight? What thing? +What thing? That guy's band is playing tonight... Alien Autopsy. +That guy's band is playing tonight... Alien Autopsy. Oh yeah... maybe... Seymour's going on his big date tonight and I kind of want to be around when he calls, so I can hear how bad it went. +Oh yeah... maybe... Seymour's going on his big date tonight and I kind of want to be around when he calls, so I can hear how bad it went. God, I'm so sick of Seymour. +Hello? Do you still want to do something tonight? +Do you still want to do something tonight? What happened to Seymour? +What happened to Seymour? I can't believe it - he actually scored! +I can't believe it - he actually scored! How repulsive! +How repulsive! So should I come over? +So should I come over? Actually, I'm just about to go out with some friends... +Actually, I'm just about to go out with some friends... What are you talking about? Who? +What are you talking about? Who? Just some people from work... +Just some people from work... I don't believe you. +I don't believe you. Yeah well, you said you were busy... look, I'd better get going... I'll call you tomorrow. +Where are we? This is a weird neighborhood... It's a totally normal, average neighborhood! +It's a totally normal, average neighborhood! I just mean it's weird to me... I've never been anywhere near here in my life. +I just mean it's weird to me... I've never been anywhere near here in my life. Josh says this is a really good neighborhood... +Josh says this is a really good neighborhood... What? When did you see Josh?! +What? When did you see Josh?! He came into work. +He came into work. Why? What did he say? +Why? What did he say? Nothing. +Nothing. When was this? +When was this? I don't know! God, don't act so jealous I only talked to him for two minutes. +Twenty-seven fifty-three... do you see it? That must be it... Great... +Great... What?! It looks totally normal... what's wrong with it? +What?! It looks totally normal... what's wrong with it? "I said ""great""..." +"I said ""great""..." Oh yeah, I can tell you really love it! +Oh yeah, I can tell you really love it! "Well, what am I supposed to say? ""I can't wait to live in some depressing shit-hole in the middle of nowhere""?!" +"Well, what am I supposed to say? ""I can't wait to live in some depressing shit-hole in the middle of nowhere""?!" There's something wrong with every single place we look at! Why don't you just come right out and tell me you don't want to move in with me?! +There's something wrong with every single place we look at! Why don't you just come right out and tell me you don't want to move in with me?! Because you'll freak out and act like a total psycho about it. +You're the psycho! You haven't been able to deal with anything since high school ended! You're the one who's still living out some stupid seventh-grade fantasy! +You're the one who's still living out some stupid seventh-grade fantasy! FUCK YOU! Have fun living with your dad for the rest of your life! +Hello? I need to talk to you. +I'm sorry about the other day. I don't know what's wrong with me... I really do want to move in with you. I don't know... I was thinking maybe I should live alone. I decided to rent that place we looked at. I'm moving in next week. +I don't know... I was thinking maybe I should live alone. I decided to rent that place we looked at. I'm moving in next week. Please let me come with you. Please please please... +Please let me come with you. Please please please... I don't know - I'm not sure it's a good idea. +I don't know - I'm not sure it's a good idea. Of course it's a good idea... it's our plan. +Of course it's a good idea... it's our plan. But how are you gonna pay rent and everything? You don't even have a job. +But how are you gonna pay rent and everything? You don't even have a job. I'll get a job tomorrow, I promise. If I don't, you can totally tell me to fuck off. +So, whaddya think? It's fine. +It's fine. So where's all your stuff? +There. That's all you're bringing? +That's all you're bringing? I'm gonna finish packing tonight... I'll bring it over tomorrow sometime. +I'm gonna finish packing tonight... I'll bring it over tomorrow sometime. What time? +What time? I dunno... +I dunno... Make sure you're here by noon - we have tons of stuff to do... Oh yeah! I have to show you something else! +Hi. Oh, hi... I almost didn't recognize you -- I think I need to get glasses; you're all blurry! +Oh, hi... I almost didn't recognize you -- I think I need to get glasses; you're all blurry! You're lucky then, you can't see the veins on that guy's biceps. +You're lucky then, you can't see the veins on that guy's biceps. Actually, he's a really nice guy. +Do you want anything? Maybe an orange juice. +Wow... finally. It just came yesterday... +What about me? Am I not even here? Oh, hey Enid... So... we finally made it! +We're not. Really? Both of you?... Why not? +Really? Both of you?... Why not? Just because. +What are you going to be when you grow up, Todd? Well I'm going to major in Business Administration and, I think, minor in Communications. +Well I'm going to major in Business Administration and, I think, minor in Communications. See, that's exactly the kind of thing we're trying to avoid. +Oh my God, you guys! I can't believe we made it! Yeah, we graduated high school -- how totally amazing. +Yeah, we graduated high school -- how totally amazing. So what are you guys doing this Summer? +So what are you guys doing this Summer? Nothing. +Nothing. I'm going to be in this actor's workshop, and I'm hoping to start going on auditions soon. I'm so excited to finally have some free time. We have to get together this summer! +I'm going to be in this actor's workshop, and I'm hoping to start going on auditions soon. I'm so excited to finally have some free time. We have to get together this summer! Oh yeah, that'll definitely happen... +Oh yeah, that'll definitely happen... Well, bye you guys... CONGRATULATIONS! +Oh my god, what are you guys doing here? What are you doing here, Melorra? +What are you doing here, Melorra? My acting workshop is across the street from here. I'm just on my break. +My acting workshop is across the street from here. I'm just on my break. Well, we won't keep you. +Well, we won't keep you. "I love this place... it's so - you know, ""funky.""" +It's really quite something to see you all grown up like this, Enid. I'd love to hear about what you're doing. I can't help but feel that I had some small part in how you turned out... What are you studying? You were always such a smart little girl. I'm taking a remedial high school art class for fuck-ups and retards. +May I ask what you're doing? Shhh! +Shhh! I want to know what you think you're doing, staying out all night and worrying your father to death! +I want to know what you think you're doing, staying out all night and worrying your father to death! Oh yeah, like he even noticed. +Oh yeah, like he even noticed. Listen, young lady... I know you don't like me -- I don't really care whether you do or not -- but I will not allow you to treat your father the way you do. +A what? A mongoose... they eat snakes... you never heard of a mongoose? That's a classic piece of vintage taxidermy. Nobody alive today knows how to do work like that. +A mongoose... they eat snakes... you never heard of a mongoose? That's a classic piece of vintage taxidermy. Nobody alive today knows how to do work like that. How much is this? +How much is this? Umm... That's not officially for sale... I might have to hang onto that for the time being. +"Perhaps the ""Jam-in-ator"" appeals to you. Absolutely no practice necessary. You shread like a giant. Just press a button." That's okay... +Do you have any other old records besides these? Seymour does. +Seymour does. Who does? +Who does? Him. Seymour. He's the man with the records. +You still interested in that? I thought it wasn't for sale. +I thought it wasn't for sale. I'm thinkin' maybe I could let it go... +I'm thinkin' maybe I could let it go... It's kind of falling apart. +Don't mind me, I'll just be in my room. Where did you get those pants? +Didn't they tell you? Tell me what? +Tell me what? Punk rock is over! +Punk rock is over! I know it's over, asshole, I -- +I know it's over, asshole, I -- "If you really want to ""fuck up the system"" - you should go to business school -- that's what I'm gonna do: get a job at some big corporation and fuck things up from the inside!" +"If you really want to ""fuck up the system"" - you should go to business school -- that's what I'm gonna do: get a job at some big corporation and fuck things up from the inside!" That's not even -- +That's not even -- Yeah yeah yeah. Do you have my money? +"Oh, how ""punk.""" That tape sucked, by the way! +That tape sucked, by the way! I'm so sorry if you were offended! +Go die, asshole! Get a job! +Hi... what's your name? Norman. +Norman. ...are you waiting for a bus? +...are you waiting for a bus? Yes. +Yes. I hate to tell you this but they cancelled this bus line two years ago... There are no buses on this street. +I hate to tell you this but they cancelled this bus line two years ago... There are no buses on this street. You don't know what you're talking about. +Well, if it isn't Enid and Rebecca, the little Jewish girl and her Aryan friend. You're late, asshole. +You're late, asshole. Fine, and how are you? +Fine, and how are you? Did you bring that tape? +You never paid me for that tape with the Indian dance routine. I did too! +I did too! Tsk! You Jews are so clever with money... +Tsk! You Jews are so clever with money... Fuck you, you stupid redneck hick! +Thanks for the tape - I'll have to pay you later, I'm broke. Hey, where are you going? +Hey, where are you going? "Later, ""Dude""." +That's five hundred dollars. What? +What? Five hundred. +Five hundred. You're crazy -- it should be like two dollars! +You're crazy -- it should be like two dollars! I was wearing that dress the day I lost my virginity. +I was wearing that dress the day I lost my virginity. Well why do I care about that? +Well why do I care about that? Why do you even want it? It would look stupid on you. +Why do you even want it? It would look stupid on you. God, fuck you! +Do you have any old Indian records? Indian records? +Indian records? You know, like weird 1960's Indian rock n' roll music. +You know, like weird 1960's Indian rock n' roll music. "I don't have anything after about 1935. I may have one Hindu 78 from the twenties in my collection, but it's not really for sale. I don't really collect ""foreign.""" +Those are all 78s... Can you play 78s? Sure!... Wait, maybe not 78s, but I can play regular records... +There's some good stuff in here... do you like old music? Sure, I guess. +Sure, I guess. Well there's a few choice LPs in here that re-issue some really great old blues stuff. +Is this one any good? Nah, it's not so great. Here's the one I'd recommend. +This track alone by Memphis Minnie is worth about $500 if you have the original 78. She was one of the greatest guitar players that ever lived, and a great singer and songwriter as well. I know the guy who owns the original and lent it for use on this reissue. Wow! +How much is it? A dollar seventy-five. +A dollar seventy-five. Okay. +Yeah, it took a while before I got a chance to play it, but when I heard that song it was like -- So you really liked it? Yeah, there's some really rare performances. You liked that Memphis Minnie, huh? +So you really liked it? Yeah, there's some really rare performances. You liked that Memphis Minnie, huh? "Yeah, that's good too... the whole record was good, but that one song, ""Devil Got My Woman"" -- I mostly just keep playing that one over and over... Do you have any other records like that?" +"Yeah, that's good too... the whole record was good, but that one song, ""Devil Got My Woman"" -- I mostly just keep playing that one over and over... Do you have any other records like that?" The Skip James record? Yeah, that's a masterpiece. There are no other records like that! I actually have the original 78 of it in my collection. It's one of maybe five known copies. +The Skip James record? Yeah, that's a masterpiece. There are no other records like that! I actually have the original 78 of it in my collection. It's one of maybe five known copies. Wow! +Wow! Do you want to see it? I can run upstairs and get it... +Do you want to see it? I can run upstairs and get it... Yeah, sure, I guess... +Yeah, sure, I guess... Watch my stuff. +Oops! I dropped it! NO!!! +NO!!! Hey, I was only kidding! +What was all that stuff about enlarged holes and tight cracks? I... I didn't think you would have any interest in this get together... I mean if you had told me you were coming I would have warned you -- it's not like a real party or anything. +I... I didn't think you would have any interest in this get together... I mean if you had told me you were coming I would have warned you -- it's not like a real party or anything. You're right about that. So this is your record collection? +You're right about that. So this is your record collection? Oh God no. This is just junk I have for sale or trade. The record room is off-limits. +Oh God no. This is just junk I have for sale or trade. The record room is off-limits. Really? Can I see it? +Really? Can I see it? Yeah, well sure... you can if you want to... it's just I don't want all these guys in there at once... you know... +Wow! This is like my dream room! Are these all records! I have about fifteen hundred 78s at this point. I've tried to pare down my collection to the essential... +I have about fifteen hundred 78s at this point. I've tried to pare down my collection to the essential... God, look at this poster! I can't believe this room! You're the luckiest guy in the world! I'd kill to have stuff like this! +God, look at this poster! I can't believe this room! You're the luckiest guy in the world! I'd kill to have stuff like this! Please... go ahead and kill me! This stuff doesn't make you happy, believe me. +Please... go ahead and kill me! This stuff doesn't make you happy, believe me. Oh, come on! What are you talking about? +Oh, come on! What are you talking about? You think it's healthy to obsessively collect things? You can't connect with other people so you fill your life with stuff... I'm just like all the rest of these pathetic collector losers. +No you're not! You're a cool guy, Seymour. Yeah right... If I'm so cool, why haven't I had a girlfriend in four years? I can't even remember the last time a girl talked to me. +Yeah right... If I'm so cool, why haven't I had a girlfriend in four years? I can't even remember the last time a girl talked to me. I'm talking to you... I'll bet there are tons of women who would go out with you in a minute! +I'm talking to you... I'll bet there are tons of women who would go out with you in a minute! Oh, right... +Oh, right... No really... I guarantee I could get you a date in like two seconds... +No really... I guarantee I could get you a date in like two seconds... Good luck... +Good luck... I'm totally serious! +I'm totally serious! Yeah, well... +Yeah, well... I mean it -- You leave everything to me -- I'm going to be your own personal dating service! +I mean it -- You leave everything to me -- I'm going to be your own personal dating service! I appreciate the offer but you really don't -- +I appreciate the offer but you really don't -- Mark my words, by the end of this summer you'll be up to your neck in pussy! +Mark my words, by the end of this summer you'll be up to your neck in pussy! Jesus! That's very nice of you Enid but I - I really -- +What about her? Would you go out with her? I don't know, what kind of question is that? I mean it's totally irrelevant because a girl like that would never be caught dead with me... +I don't know, what kind of question is that? I mean it's totally irrelevant because a girl like that would never be caught dead with me... But putting that aside for now, would you go out with her? +But putting that aside for now, would you go out with her? I really didn't get a good look at her. +Okay, what about this one? Are you into girls with big tits? Jesus! +Jesus! C'mon Seymour, I'm trying to collect data here! Don't you want me to find you your perfect dream girl? +C'mon Seymour, I'm trying to collect data here! Don't you want me to find you your perfect dream girl? "I'm just not one of those guys who has a ""type""..." +"I'm just not one of those guys who has a ""type""..." Every guy has a type! +Every guy has a type! I mean as long as she's not a complete imbecile and she's even remotely attractive... +We need to narrow this down somehow... we need to find a place where you can meet women who share your interests. Maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests! Where can I go to meet the exact opposite of myself? +Maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests! Where can I go to meet the exact opposite of myself? Yeah yeah yeah... Just tell me your five main interests, in order of importance. +Yeah yeah yeah... Just tell me your five main interests, in order of importance. Well, let's see... I guess I'd have to put Traditional Jazz, Blues, and Ragtime music at the top of the list, then probably... +Well, let's see... I guess I'd have to put Traditional Jazz, Blues, and Ragtime music at the top of the list, then probably... "Let's just say ""music"" - that way you only use up one... Wait, we have to go in here for a second..." +So is that your boyfriend? Josh? He's nobody's boyfriend... He's just this guy that Becky and I like to torture. +Josh? He's nobody's boyfriend... He's just this guy that Becky and I like to torture. Well are -- +Well are -- Oh my god! We have to go in here! +Yeah, sure... very funny.... Please, Seymour... Becky and I have been dying to go in here but we can't get any boys to take us... Please? +Please, Seymour... Becky and I have been dying to go in here but we can't get any boys to take us... Please? I - I'd really rather not... +I - I'd really rather not... We'll just go in for one minute -- it'll be a riot! +We'll just go in for one minute -- it'll be a riot! I don't think so... +I don't think so... PLEASE? We have to! +PLEASE? We have to! I really don't think it's a good idea. +I really don't think it's a good idea. Fine, I'll go by myself then... +Wow! Look at all these creeps! Shh! +Shh! OH MY GOD! +"Look at this -- ""Lollipop Lolitas"" - isn't child pornography totally illegal?" These are older women just dressed up to look young... I think. +Uh, I don't have much money with me right now. C'mon, Seymour, please? +Relax, Seymour, relax... That thing is just so shrill and piercing and loud - it's like someone jabbing me in the face! KFTO comin' atchya on this beautiful evening... +So, why did you bring this along? I brought it for him to autograph. He's going to be amazed to see it - it's one of two known copies... I can't believe they have him for the opening act and not the headliner. What an insult! +I brought it for him to autograph. He's going to be amazed to see it - it's one of two known copies... I can't believe they have him for the opening act and not the headliner. What an insult! This bar's going to be packed with girls for you to pick from. +This bar's going to be packed with girls for you to pick from. I'm not holding my breath in that department. +What are we, in slow motion here?! What are ya, hypnotized? Have some more kids, why don't you?... For Christ's sake, would you move!? Jesus, Seymour. +Yes, that would certainly do... Well, offer her a seat! You want me to do it? +Well, offer her a seat! You want me to do it? Wait a minute! Hang on! Jesus, I gotta think of something to talk to her about. No! No... +Wait a minute! Hang on! Jesus, I gotta think of something to talk to her about. No! No... Just wait here. +What did you tell that girl? I told her you were a big record executive and you were thinking of signing that band to your label. +I told her you were a big record executive and you were thinking of signing that band to your label. Jesus... +Jesus... Now I remember why I haven't gone anywhere in months. I'm not even in the same universe as those creatures back there. I might as well be from another planet. +Now I remember why I haven't gone anywhere in months. I'm not even in the same universe as those creatures back there. I might as well be from another planet. We just need to figure out a place where you can meet somebody who isn't a total idiot, that's all. +We just need to figure out a place where you can meet somebody who isn't a total idiot, that's all. Look, I really appreciate your help, Enid, but let's face it, this is hopeless. +Look, I really appreciate your help, Enid, but let's face it, this is hopeless. It's not hopeless... +It's not hopeless... Yeah, well it's simple for everybody else - give 'em a Big Mac and a pair of Nikes and they're happy! I just can't relate to 99.9% of humanity. +Yeah, well it's simple for everybody else - give 'em a Big Mac and a pair of Nikes and they're happy! I just can't relate to 99.9% of humanity. Yeah, well, I can't relate to humanity either, but I don't think it's totally hopeless... +Yeah, well, I can't relate to humanity either, but I don't think it's totally hopeless... But it's not totally hopeless for you... I've had it. I don't even have the energy to try anymore. You should make sure you do the exact opposite of everything I do so you don't end up like me... +But it's not totally hopeless for you... I've had it. I don't even have the energy to try anymore. You should make sure you do the exact opposite of everything I do so you don't end up like me... I'd rather end up like you than those people at that stupid bar... At least you're an interesting person... at least you're not exactly like everybody else... +I'd rather end up like you than those people at that stupid bar... At least you're an interesting person... at least you're not exactly like everybody else... Hooray for me. +I'm not sure I have anything to drink... there might be some -- It doesn't matter, I'm not staying long... I just want to make sure I convince you not to give up yet. +It doesn't matter, I'm not staying long... I just want to make sure I convince you not to give up yet. """Yet.""" +Wow, this is so cool... If you don't mind my asking -- why do you care so much if I get a date or not? +If you don't mind my asking -- why do you care so much if I get a date or not? I dunno... because I can't stand the idea of a world where a guy like you can't get a date... +What the fuck, Seymour?! What is this? What?... Oh that... I borrowed that from work about fifteen years ago... I guess it's mine now. +What?... Oh that... I borrowed that from work about fifteen years ago... I guess it's mine now. What, are you a klansman or something? +What, are you a klansman or something? Yeah, right, I'm a klansman - thanks a lot!... Do you know the Cook's Chicken franchise? +Yeah, right, I'm a klansman - thanks a lot!... Do you know the Cook's Chicken franchise? """Four-piece Cook's special deep fried with side n' slaw it's OUT RAY-GEOUS""!" +"""Four-piece Cook's special deep fried with side n' slaw it's OUT RAY-GEOUS""!" "Yeah, well ""Cook's"" is just a made up name. When they originally opened back in 1922 they were named ""The Coon Chicken Inn"" -- that's an early painting of their first logo." +Actually, I was a whole lot more interested in the Cook's phenomenon when I was about your age. I've kind of lost interest since I've been working for them... You work at Cook's Chicken? +You work at Cook's Chicken? For nineteen years... +For nineteen years... What are you, a fry cook or something? +What are you, a fry cook or something? Nothing so glamorous... actually, I'm an assistant manager at their corporate headquarters. +Nothing so glamorous... actually, I'm an assistant manager at their corporate headquarters. Jesus, I'd go nuts if I had to work in an office all day. +Jesus, I'd go nuts if I had to work in an office all day. Hey, I get good benefits, a good early retirement plan, nobody ever bothers me... +Hey, I get good benefits, a good early retirement plan, nobody ever bothers me... Yeah, but still... +Yeah, but still... I make enough money to eat and buy old records... what more do I want? +So, I don't really get it -- are you saying that things were better back then even though there was stuff like this? No, in a lot of ways things are better now... I dunno... it's complicated. Everybody still hates each other, but they know how to hide it better, or something... +No, in a lot of ways things are better now... I dunno... it's complicated. Everybody still hates each other, but they know how to hide it better, or something... Hey, can I borrow this? +Hey, can I borrow this? What? Why? +What? Why? I promise I'll take good care of it. +I promise I'll take good care of it. I dunno... they're very sensitive at work about all this stuff. Maybe it would be better if you -- +I dunno... they're very sensitive at work about all this stuff. Maybe it would be better if you -- Don't you trust me, Seymour? +You can open your eyes now. Oh... uh, thanks a lot Enid... I really appreciate it... +Oh... uh, thanks a lot Enid... I really appreciate it... No, Doofus... blow it out! +Arrrghhh! Ah Jeez... Christ... Are you okay? +Are you okay? It's just my stupid back. I'll be all right in a minute... +What is that? Oh... uh... It's just this elastic thing I have to wear for lumbar support... +Oh... uh... It's just this elastic thing I have to wear for lumbar support... What, like a girdle? +What, like a girdle? Maybe now you understand why I can't get a date. +Maybe now you understand why I can't get a date. Yeah, well, you're not the only one. Everybody I know has totally fucked up problems... It seems like only stupid people have good relationships... +Yeah, well, you're not the only one. Everybody I know has totally fucked up problems... It seems like only stupid people have good relationships... That's the spirit! +That's the spirit! I mean, I'm eighteen years old and I've never even had a real, steady boyfriend for more than like two weeks! +I mean, I'm eighteen years old and I've never even had a real, steady boyfriend for more than like two weeks! Really? +Really? Never... +Never... I'm starting to think that even if I did get a girlfriend it really wouldn't change anything. +I'm starting to think that even if I did get a girlfriend it really wouldn't change anything. I know. It's not like it makes all your problems go away. +I know. It's not like it makes all your problems go away. Then again, that's easy for me to say, since I'll never even get a date. I'm sure you have hundreds of guys who are interested in you. +Then again, that's easy for me to say, since I'll never even get a date. I'm sure you have hundreds of guys who are interested in you. Actually, I've got a total crush on this one guy right now, but it's a really fucked-up situation... +Actually, I've got a total crush on this one guy right now, but it's a really fucked-up situation... Oh yeah? +Oh yeah? Oh wait, you met him... remember that guy Josh? I'm like practically obsessed with him, but I can't do anything about it because Becky would freak out. +Oh wait, you met him... remember that guy Josh? I'm like practically obsessed with him, but I can't do anything about it because Becky would freak out. Why? +Why? Never mind, it's way too complicated... Did you have problems like this when you were my age - where you're totally confused all the time? +Never mind, it's way too complicated... Did you have problems like this when you were my age - where you're totally confused all the time? I won't even dignify that with a response. +I wonder if you really like all these old records or if you only like the fact that nobody else likes them? Who knows? +Aren't you going to get that? Let the machine get it. I have no desire to talk to anyone who would be calling me... +Wow! What was that all about? It's just somebody's idea of a joke... +It's just somebody's idea of a joke... That didn't sound like a joke to me... what, did you write a personal ad or something? +That didn't sound like a joke to me... what, did you write a personal ad or something? Uh yeah. A long time ago... she called before once... it's just somebody trying to humiliate me. +Uh yeah. A long time ago... she called before once... it's just somebody trying to humiliate me. Seymour! I promise you that wasn't a joke -- you have to call her back! +Seymour! I promise you that wasn't a joke -- you have to call her back! How can you be so sure? +How can you be so sure? Well, uh... I'm an expert-about stuff like this -- she was totally for real! +Uh... hello? Hi, it's me... +Hi, it's me... Oh, hi... +Oh, hi... So, what happened? +So, what happened? Actually, it's kind of still happening... she's over here right now... I think everything's going pretty well... +Actually, it's kind of still happening... she's over here right now... I think everything's going pretty well... What? You're kidding me... +What? You're kidding me... Yeah, so I better go -- it's not really the best time to talk... +Yeah, so I better go -- it's not really the best time to talk... What, are you going to like have sex with her on your first date? +What, are you going to like have sex with her on your first date? Jesus, Enid... I'll talk to you later... bye! +Boo! YAAA! +Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you... I've been wandering the streets day and night trying to find you... Really? +Really? No, actually Joe told me you were here... so how come you never call me anymore? +No, actually Joe told me you were here... so how come you never call me anymore? I know, I'm sorry... I-I've been really busy... +I know, I'm sorry... I-I've been really busy... Yeah, I'll bet! So, how's it going with what's-her-name? Dana? +Yeah, I'll bet! So, how's it going with what's-her-name? Dana? Oh... pretty well, surprisingly... you know... +Oh... pretty well, surprisingly... you know... So, what kind of stuff do you guys do together? Is she into old records and stuff? +So, what kind of stuff do you guys do together? Is she into old records and stuff? Sort of... she doesn't dislike any of that stuff... she's trying, anyway... actually, we're supposed to go antique shopping for her apartment this afternoon... +Sort of... she doesn't dislike any of that stuff... she's trying, anyway... actually, we're supposed to go antique shopping for her apartment this afternoon... Sounds good... +We really should get together sometime soon... I-I'll definitely call you this week -- What, are you trying to get rid of me? +What, are you trying to get rid of me? No... no, it's just that I should get going in a few minutes, and -- +No... no, it's just that I should get going in a few minutes, and -- Aren't you even going to ask me how I'm doing? +Aren't you even going to ask me how I'm doing? I-I'm sorry... uh so... uh... how -- +I-I'm sorry... uh so... uh... how -- I dunno... okay, I guess... I fucked that guy Josh finally... +I dunno... okay, I guess... I fucked that guy Josh finally... ...so... is he your boyfriend now? +...so... is he your boyfriend now? Maybe... I dunno... He wants to be, of course. I'm weighing several offers at the present time... +I'm going to this stupid art show and I want you to be my date... There's something I have to show you... I... I don't know. I don't really think I should... +I... I don't know. I don't really think I should... Of course you should. C'mon, I'm already a million hours late. +Of course you should. C'mon, I'm already a million hours late. ...I better not... +...I better not... Well forget the art show... let's do something else. +Well forget the art show... let's do something else. I... I wish I could, Enid, but I really can't right now... I -- it's just that I -- +I... I wish I could, Enid, but I really can't right now... I -- it's just that I -- Well when can we do something? +Well when can we do something? It's just that, well, you know, Dana just got out of a really bad relationship and I don't want to give her the wrong idea... you know... +Oh, uh... they were a present from Dana. And you like them? +And you like them? Well, you know... what do I know about clothes... I've never been the most fashionable guy -- it's nice to have someone do all the work for me... +Well, you know... what do I know about clothes... I've never been the most fashionable guy -- it's nice to have someone do all the work for me... So that's it? You don't ever want to see me again? +So that's it? You don't ever want to see me again? No, of course I do... It's just that right now I need to -- +No, of course I do... It's just that right now I need to -- What's her problem anyway? Did she actually tell you you couldn't see me? +What's her problem anyway? Did she actually tell you you couldn't see me? No, no... not exactly... she just doesn't understand how I would know somebody like you... +No, no... not exactly... she just doesn't understand how I would know somebody like you... "What does she mean by that - ""somebody like me""?" +"What does she mean by that - ""somebody like me""?" Just someone so young... +Just someone so young... You must have done something to make her think you like me. +You must have done something to make her think you like me. I... I don't think so. +I... I don't think so. Does that mean you don't like me? +Does that mean you don't like me? No, of course not. +No, of course not. So, do you like me, Seymour? +So, do you like me, Seymour? In what way do you mean? +In what way do you mean? In whatever way you think I mean. +In whatever way you think I mean. I don't know... I'm sorry, but Dana's a very jealous person. I just don't want to screw that up right now... I'm sure she'll dump me soon and we can go back to being friends... +I don't know... I'm sorry, but Dana's a very jealous person. I just don't want to screw that up right now... I'm sure she'll dump me soon and we can go back to being friends... I don't think you understand how I really feel about you, Seymour. +I don't think you understand how I really feel about you, Seymour. ...What do you mean? +...What do you mean? Nothing. Don't worry, I won't bother you any more. +What are you doing here? I had to see you. +I had to see you. What's up? +What's up? Can you at least let me in? +Can you at least let me in? Uh... sure... come in. +Uh... sure... come in. Look, I just need somebody to be nice to me for five minutes and then I'll leave you alone. +Look, I just need somebody to be nice to me for five minutes and then I'll leave you alone. What's the matter? +What's the matter? Do you have anything to drink? +Uh... I think there's some root beer... What about this? +That's Dana's - I'm supposed to be saving it for our two-month anniversary. You better not -- FUCK DANA. I'm sick of Dana. +You need a bigger place - this is like a little kid's room. I could never move - I've got too much stuff. +Where did you get this? "Dana bought it when we went antique shopping. She said it didn't go with her stuff, so she gave it to me... she thought it fit in better with my ""old time thingamajigs.""" +"Dana bought it when we went antique shopping. She said it didn't go with her stuff, so she gave it to me... she thought it fit in better with my ""old time thingamajigs.""" Jesus, how can you stand her? +God, she's going to kill me... this bottle is half-empty! "That's great! ""Half-empty"" - that's what I like about you, Seymour, you're a natural pessimist!" +"That's great! ""Half-empty"" - that's what I like about you, Seymour, you're a natural pessimist!" If you expect the worst, you're never disappointed. +If you expect the worst, you're never disappointed. What are you talking about? You're disappointed every minute of your life. +What are you talking about? You're disappointed every minute of your life. I'm just being realistic. +I'm just being realistic. At least you're not like every other stupid guy in the world - all they care about are guitars and sports... they're all such fags! +At least you're not like every other stupid guy in the world - all they care about are guitars and sports... they're all such fags! I hate sports. +I hate sports. How come in all that time I was trying to get you a date, you never asked me out? +How come in all that time I was trying to get you a date, you never asked me out? You're a beautiful young girl... I can't imagine you would ever have had any interest in me, except as an amusingly cranky eccentric curiosity. +You're a beautiful young girl... I can't imagine you would ever have had any interest in me, except as an amusingly cranky eccentric curiosity. Yeah, but still... it's kind of insulting for a girl to be ignored like that. +Yeah, but still... it's kind of insulting for a girl to be ignored like that. I mean... of course I... why wouldn't I want to go out with you? +I mean... of course I... why wouldn't I want to go out with you? I dunno... I always feel like everybody secretly hates me. I'm just paranoid I guess. I mean, you like me don't you? We're good friends, right? +I dunno... I always feel like everybody secretly hates me. I'm just paranoid I guess. I mean, you like me don't you? We're good friends, right? Yeah, sure. Of course. +Yeah, sure. Of course. ...Maybe I should just move in here with you... I could do all the cooking and dust your record collection and stuff until I get a job. +...Maybe I should just move in here with you... I could do all the cooking and dust your record collection and stuff until I get a job. What about Joe? +What about Joe? Oh yeah... and Dana... You were a lot more fun before you met Dana. You've been acting way too normal lately... you're a bitter, twisted, fucked-up guy, Seymour, that's why I like you. +Oh yeah... and Dana... You were a lot more fun before you met Dana. You've been acting way too normal lately... you're a bitter, twisted, fucked-up guy, Seymour, that's why I like you. Yeah, well I like you too... +You know what my number one fantasy used to be? What? +What? I used to think about one day not telling anybody and just taking off and going to some random place... Do you ever think about stuff like that? +I used to think about one day not telling anybody and just taking off and going to some random place... Do you ever think about stuff like that? I guess I probably used to when I was your age. +I guess I probably used to when I was your age. It would have to be some totally average day when nobody was expecting it, and I'd just disappear and they'd never see me again. +It would have to be some totally average day when nobody was expecting it, and I'd just disappear and they'd never see me again. Sounds like a healthy way to deal with your problems. +Sounds like a healthy way to deal with your problems. You know what we should do? Let's go get in your car right now and just take off! We could just drive away and find some new place and start a whole new life... fuck everybody! +You know what we should do? Let's go get in your car right now and just take off! We could just drive away and find some new place and start a whole new life... fuck everybody! I don't think I'm in any condition to drive. +I don't think I'm in any condition to drive. I'll drive, then -- we'll go out in a blaze of glory! +I'll drive, then -- we'll go out in a blaze of glory! So where would we go? +So where would we go? Who cares? Let's just go... what's stopping us? +Who cares? Let's just go... what's stopping us? I dunno, I... +I dunno, I... I'm serious! I'm just so sick of everybody! Why can't I just do whatever I want? +I'm serious! I'm just so sick of everybody! Why can't I just do whatever I want? What do you want? +What do you want? What do you want? +What do you want? I-I-I... +I-I-I... What's the matter with you, Seymour? Don't you like me? Be a man for once in your life! +God, Dana's going to kill you! ...Do you really want us to drive away somewhere? +...Do you really want us to drive away somewhere? What?... Maybe... no... I dunno... +What?... Maybe... no... I dunno... I will if you want to. +I will if you want to. No... forget it... +No... forget it... I-I never expected anything like this to happen... +I-I never expected anything like this to happen... Yeah, well... me neither... +Yeah, well... me neither... You must know I always... did you really mean all that about moving in with me? +You must know I always... did you really mean all that about moving in with me? I was just thinking out loud... I mean, you've got this whole thing with Dana -- I'm not going to let you fuck that up... +I was just thinking out loud... I mean, you've got this whole thing with Dana -- I'm not going to let you fuck that up... But, I... +But, I... Shhh... I really need to get some sleep. +I really want to talk to you. I've been thinking about what you said about moving in here... I can treat him any way I want to - I'm an adult! Leave me alone! +So what's the story with the two cheerleaders over here? They're Seymour's. +They're Seymour's. Seymour? You gotta be kidding me! +Seymour? You gotta be kidding me! Don't worry about it. He's not gettin' any and neither are you. +Don't worry about it. He's not gettin' any and neither are you. Let me tell ya somethin', Joe... Listen to me, Joe... you can't hit a home run without swinging the bat! +Let me tell ya somethin', Joe... Listen to me, Joe... you can't hit a home run without swinging the bat! Right. +Well, here's where the fun never stops! Yeah, I'm really, really happy. Really having a good time. +Yeah, I'm really, really happy. Really having a good time. Still torturing yourself over that Enid, huh? +Where else am I ever going to find another girl who likes Geeshie Wiley records? She could at least have the decency to call me back. Maybe she was just using you to try and get back at some guy. Who knows? It could be a million things. It's wasted time trying to logically figure out the female brain, that's for sure. +Maybe she's got another boyfriend. Yeah, well... thanks for cheering me up. +Yeah, well... thanks for cheering me up. No problem. +Please Josh? Forget it, there's no way... find some other poor sucker to abuse. +So Josh, if this guy freaks out, will you protect us? He has every reason to freak out -- this is a totally fucked-up thing to do to somebody! +I agree. I wish I could see him. +Did you remember to pay the phone bill? Yeah. +Yeah. Call me sometime. +I think that Phillip and Enid can help us to see that there are-many different ways we can express ourselves. We can do things like these cartoons that are amusing as a sort of light entertainment or we can do work that is more serious in scope and feeling and that deals with issues; emotional, spiritual, political; of great importance. I hope that you will each have the tools to do that type of work by the end of this class. Who is responsible for this? I am. +I am. Talk to us about it... +Talk to us about it... It's my response to the issue of a woman's right to choose... it's something I feel super-strongly about. +It's my response to the issue of a woman's right to choose... it's something I feel super-strongly about. Isn't this a wonderful piece, class? This definitely falls into that higher category of art I was speaking of earlier. +What do we have here, Margaret? It's a tampon in a teacup... +I can see that... now what can you tell us about it? First of all, what kind of sculpture is this? "It's a ""found object""... that's when an artist takes an ordinary object and places it in an artistic context and thus it becomes art." +"It's a ""found object""... that's when an artist takes an ordinary object and places it in an artistic context and thus it becomes art." Very good. Now, what can you tell us about it in regard to your artistic intent? +Very good. Now, what can you tell us about it in regard to your artistic intent? I guess I see the teacup as a symbol for womanhood, because of tea parties in the olden days, but instead of tea I was trying to kind of confront people with this... like... +I guess I see the teacup as a symbol for womanhood, because of tea parties in the olden days, but instead of tea I was trying to kind of confront people with this... like... This shocking image of repressed femininity! +This shocking image of repressed femininity! Right, exactly! +Right, exactly! I think it's really a wonderful piece, Margaret! +Uh... hi. Uh... Enid's stepmother told me I'd find her here? She's not at home? +She's not at home? No... they said she was here... +No... they said she was here... What the fuck is she doing?! She was supposed to be here three hours ago! +What the fuck is she doing?! She was supposed to be here three hours ago! Uh, do you mind if I wait? I really need to talk to her. +Uh, do you mind if I wait? I really need to talk to her. Are you sure she wasn't there? Maybe she was just hiding from you. +Are you sure she wasn't there? Maybe she was just hiding from you. Why would she be hiding from me? +Why would she be hiding from me? I don't know... where is she, then? +I don't know... where is she, then? Maybe she's with Josh? +Maybe she's with Josh? Josh!? Why would she be with Josh? +Josh!? Why would she be with Josh? I don't know. +I don't know. Why? What did she tell you? +Why? What did she tell you? She just mentioned him a few times and said that they had been dating - I thought maybe she was... +She just mentioned him a few times and said that they had been dating - I thought maybe she was... What? Is she having some secret affair with Josh? +What? Is she having some secret affair with Josh? I have no idea - I just want to... +I have no idea - I just want to... Why wouldn't she tell me? There's no way! She could never keep that to herself... you're crazy. +Why wouldn't she tell me? There's no way! She could never keep that to herself... you're crazy. Really, I don't know enough about it to... +Really, I don't know enough about it to... That slut! +That slut! Why did you say she might be hiding from me? Did she say anything to you about me? +Why did you say she might be hiding from me? Did she say anything to you about me? Yeah, she thinks you're a dork. +Yeah, she thinks you're a dork. Did she say that? +Did she say that? Look, what do you expect? Considering how we met you. +Look, what do you expect? Considering how we met you. What do you mean? +What do you mean? On that pathetic fake blind date. +On that pathetic fake blind date. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Didn't she ever tell you about that? God, she really is pathological... +Didn't she ever tell you about that? God, she really is pathological... What fake blind date? What are you talking about? +I have to admit, things have really started looking up for me since my life turned to shit. So tell me more about this job. What exactly will you be doing? +So tell me more about this job. What exactly will you be doing? Well, mostly archival research, cataloguing old records and writing liner notes for their CD reissues. It's really... I can't believe it. +Well, mostly archival research, cataloguing old records and writing liner notes for their CD reissues. It's really... I can't believe it. Remember what I said when we first started -- this little breakdown might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you! +Remember what I said when we first started -- this little breakdown might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you! It doesn't pay very much, but I should be able to afford my own place in a few months... Do you think that's too soon? I'm really anxious to get my record collection out of storage... +It doesn't pay very much, but I should be able to afford my own place in a few months... Do you think that's too soon? I'm really anxious to get my record collection out of storage... Why don't we start with that next week? +Thank you, doctor. Don't thank me. You're doing all the work. +Seymour? Yes? +Yes? Do you have a check for me? +You were contracted to work- -malaria epidemic; very sudden. +-malaria epidemic; very sudden. Let me see the sick. +Let me see the sick. Oh, you're a doctor now, too? +Oh, you're a doctor now, too? There is no reason for fear. +There is no reason for fear. On that I choose to remain dubious. Two are dead now in two nights. +-oh, sing a different song, Abdullah- -there's nothing wrong with your men so stop telling me there is- -you do not call me a liar- you know nothing of their health- consider yourself fortunate I persuaded so many to stay- consider yourself fortunate I have decided to stay- +-you do not call me a liar- you know nothing of their health- consider yourself fortunate I persuaded so many to stay- consider yourself fortunate I have decided to stay- You think you matter? -Beaumont is on that train- he matters- +He sees this chaos, he'll replace you all. He'll replace you, too- that's all you really care about. +He'll replace you, too- that's all you really care about. You think so? Fine. It's best you get out. Go. Tell all your people to go, run home where they'll be safe under the covers and when the bridge is built and the railroad is done, they can tell their women that out of all the thousands who worked here, they were the only ones to flee- +Morning, friend, glorious day. As are they all. +The next time will be as this time- The Devil has come to Tsavo- -that's ridiculous talk and you can't seriously believe it- +-that's ridiculous talk and you can't seriously believe it- -now you're telling me my beliefs?- I don't think so- +I wasn't and you know it and don't push it- just listen- we have a problem in Tsavo- -at last you're right- we do- you are the problem in Tsavo- +-at last you're right- we do- you are the problem in Tsavo- -careful, Abdullah- +No hints, Samuel. You don't know all that has happened here- the Devil has come to Tsavo. +You don't know all that has happened here- the Devil has come to Tsavo. You're right. The Devil has come. Look at me. I am the Devil. +I am a man of peace. Am I to take it you want to live? +Am I to take it you want to live? Most certainly. Absolutely. Yes. +Most certainly. Absolutely. Yes. Excellent decision. Your name is Abdullah? I'm sure we'll meet again. Go and enjoy the splendid morning. +Excellent decision. Your name is Abdullah? I'm sure we'll meet again. Go and enjoy the splendid morning. I think it's been a pleasure. +Starting now, we attack them. How; we don't know where they are? +How; we don't know where they are? We'll have to make them come to us, won't we? And since there are two of them, we're going to set two plans in motion. First: we must move the entire hospital by tomorrow night. +John Henry Patterson, come in. I'm Robert Beaumont. Firm- I like that, tells me a lot about you- -now why don't you tell me about me? To get you started, many people find me handsome, with a wonderful smile. I'm sure you agree. Winning personality, heaps of charm? My wife is the game player in the family, sir. +My wife is the game player in the family, sir. Games? Look at me closely, Patterson: I am a monster. My only pleasure is tormenting people who work for me, such as yourself. One mistake and I promise you this: I'll make you hate me. +-build the bridge over the Tsavo river. And be finished in four months time. Can you do that? I'm sure you've examined my record. So you know I've never yet been late on a bridge. +I'm sure you've examined my record. So you know I've never yet been late on a bridge. You've never built in Africa. +You've never built in Africa. But I have in India- every country presents problems. +But I have in India- every country presents problems. You'll need your confidence, I promise you. +You'll need your confidence, I promise you. I've got a reason far beyond confidence: my wife is having our firstborn in five months and I promised I'd be with her when the baby comes. +I've got a reason far beyond confidence: my wife is having our firstborn in five months and I promised I'd be with her when the baby comes. Very moving, Patterson; I'm touched you confided in me. But I don't really give a shit about your upcoming litter. I've made you with this assignment- -don't make me break you. +Very moving, Patterson; I'm touched you confided in me. But I don't really give a shit about your upcoming litter. I've made you with this assignment- -don't make me break you. You won't have the chance. Any further words of encouragement? Then I've a train to catch. +Pleasant journey? How could it be? I hate Africa. +Lovely sound- they seem happy. Don't they, though? +Don't they, though? So work must be going well? +Truthfully? There has been the occasional odd hiccup- but then, as you so wisely told me, I'd never built in Africa. But overall, you're pleased? +I do need to see Starling. Starling? +Starling? Awhile back he ordered some bibles- -I've brought them. Is he here? +Awhile back he ordered some bibles- -I've brought them. Is he here? Yes he is. +Yes he is. Well, I need to speak to him. +It's what the natives are calling the lions- -two lions have been causing trouble- -what's the surprise in that, this is Africa? +-what's the surprise in that, this is Africa? It hasn't been that simple so far. +It hasn't been that simple so far. What have they done besides kill Starling? How many have they killed? +This is supposed to be salvation? What kind of idiocy are we dealing with here? "I'm calling it my ""contraption""- we're going to surround it with a boma- a fence, to you- and we're going to leave a small opening opposite that door." +In that half will be bait- human bait- I'll start things off- -a sliding door will fit above that and a trip wire will run across the floor. Genius- the beast will enter, tripping the wire, the door will slide down, trapping him, you, safe behind the bars, will have him at your mercy and will shoot him. +Are you running a high fever, man? How could you expect something as lunatic as this to succeed? How could you even conceive of it? I didn't conceive of it for the lions- I built one in India when there was trouble with a tiger. +I didn't conceive of it for the lions- I built one in India when there was trouble with a tiger. And it worked? +And it worked? In point of fact, it didn't. But I'm convinced the theory is sound. +What? I made a mistake hiring you- you're simply not up to the job. +I made a mistake hiring you- you're simply not up to the job. You genuinely enjoy trying to terrify people, don't you? Well, fine- -except there isn't a higher rated engineer and we both know that. And since time is so important to you, how long do you think it would take to find someone else qualified and bring him here? +Let me explain about time- you've been here three months and already two months behind. And the Germans and the French are gearing up. And I don't care about you and I don't care about the thirty dead- I care about my knighthood and if this railroad finishes on schedule, I'll get my knighthood and I want it. Professional hunters may be the answer. All they'll bring is more chaos and we've plenty of that already- and if they come in, word will get out- and what happens to your knighthood then? +All they'll bring is more chaos and we've plenty of that already- and if they come in, word will get out- and what happens to your knighthood then? I'm going to try and locate Redbeard- I assume you've heard of him. +I'm going to try and locate Redbeard- I assume you've heard of him. Every man who's ever fired a rifle has heard of him- by the time you find him, the lions will be dead. +Every man who's ever fired a rifle has heard of him- by the time you find him, the lions will be dead. Very well, the job's still yours, I'll go. But if I have to return, you're finished. And I will then do everything I can to destroy your reputation. Am I not fair? Told you you'd hate me. +Understand, I had help- -not a time for modesty, Bob- +This sham? Ridiculous. Who needs it? It's only being built to control the ivory trade, make men richer. Then why do you stay? +Then why do you stay? Who else would hire me? Beat you to it, didn't I? Oh yes, almost forgot- brought you a little welcoming gift. +I know it's your first day and of course you must be tired from the journey- -but what are you going to do about it? Karim will have to show me where it happened. And of course, I'll need the donkey. With any luck, I'll sort it out tonight. +You're certain about tomorrow? But you don't seem excited. You don't enjoy killing, do you? +You don't enjoy killing, do you? Then why do it? +"I'm David Hawthorne, this is my hospital. And my advice to you is, ""don't get sick in front of it."" That was meant to be charming, sorry. I seem to have lost the knack." You never had it. +You never had it. Nigel and I don't like each other much. +A man-eater attacks and you're such a buffoon you almost forget to mention it? Well, he got away, didn't he? Riding a donkey not far from here when the lion sprang on them- donkey took the brunt of it- then suddenly the lion ran off. +-then he feasted on him, starting with his feet- -please- you needn't be so graphic- +-please- you needn't be so graphic- "You intend ""sorting this out"" tonight?" +That's a terrible idea- -is it, I'm sorry, but then, of course, you're the doctor, you should know. +-is it, I'm sorry, but then, of course, you're the doctor, you should know. Silliest thing I ever heard of- why in the world should we go through all that? +Silliest thing I ever heard of- why in the world should we go through all that? I suppose I could answer you. I suppose I could explain that the place is so inviting, what with the smell of blood and flesh, that they have to strike. It's even possible that I tell you I found some fresh paw marks around back which means they're already contemplating feasting here. But I don't want to answer you because when you question me you are really saying that I don't have the least idea what I am doing, that I am nothing but an incompetent, that I am a fool. Anyone who finds me a fool, please say so now. +I suppose I could answer you. I suppose I could explain that the place is so inviting, what with the smell of blood and flesh, that they have to strike. It's even possible that I tell you I found some fresh paw marks around back which means they're already contemplating feasting here. But I don't want to answer you because when you question me you are really saying that I don't have the least idea what I am doing, that I am nothing but an incompetent, that I am a fool. Anyone who finds me a fool, please say so now. I have been desperate for Patterson to let me move the hospital since the day he arrived. +I have been desperate for Patterson to let me move the hospital since the day he arrived. Then we agree. +I tried to be late, John- it would have been easier if you'd gone. We're not much good at goodbyes, Helena. +We're not much good at goodbyes, Helena. Tell me about Beaumont- does he understand how brilliant you are, how lucky he is to have you? +Tell me about Beaumont- does he understand how brilliant you are, how lucky he is to have you? It was embarrassing- the man showered me with compliments. +Oh dear- -you're geting that downtrodden look again- -well, it's just... ...other men don't abandon their wives at such a time- +-well, it's just... ...other men don't abandon their wives at such a time- -oh please- if I'd been against your taking this, you would have abandoned me. You've been desperate to see Africa your whole life. +-oh please- if I'd been against your taking this, you would have abandoned me. You've been desperate to see Africa your whole life. What if there are complications?- +What if there are complications?- "-not ""what if""- there will be, there always are. Which only means that our ""son"" and I- note my confidence- will have an excuse to come visit." +Go, now. Such a gentleman. I am desperate to see Africa- but I hate the leaving. +Very good indeed. We have hunted since childhood. +We have hunted since childhood. All right- you'll spend your nights inside. You'll have plenty of ammunition. You're totally protected, you have really nothing to fear. +All right- you'll spend your nights inside. You'll have plenty of ammunition. You're totally protected, you have really nothing to fear. That is correct. Nothing. +Not once?- you didn't hit it once?- -I would never make excuses- but a fire broke out- the light was bad- he kept moving- +-I would never make excuses- but a fire broke out- the light was bad- he kept moving- -well, of course he kept moving- but he couldn't have been more than ten feet away from the three of you- surely you must have wounded the thing- +-well, of course he kept moving- but he couldn't have been more than ten feet away from the three of you- surely you must have wounded the thing- I assure you we came close many times- +Many thanks. You're Patterson, yes? Nigel Starling- I'll be assisting you at Tsavo- but surely Beaumont must have told you that. "He just gave me his ""monster"" speech." +"He just gave me his ""monster"" speech." That. I know Robert seems dreadful, but when you truly get to know the man, well, he's much worse. And I'm one of his defenders. Forget him for now- it's your first ride to Tsavo- I think you'll find it breathtaking. +Don't much like them. The females are bigger- only animal here like that- have to be or they wouldn't survive because the males eat the young. +Anything special about them? Just that they fart through their mouths. Must make kissing something of a gamble. +Just that they fart through their mouths. Must make kissing something of a gamble. I've lived in Africa a year and I don't know what you know. How long have you been here? +I've lived in Africa a year and I don't know what you know. How long have you been here? Almost three hours. But I've been getting ready all my life. +Every time I see something like that, I know we're right to be here- to bring Christianity into their lives, enrich their souls. Beaumont says it's to end slavery. +Beaumont says it's to end slavery. We all have our reasons. Mine is simply to make them understand happiness, accept salvation, know the serenity that comes- -best I stop. One of the by-products of my belief is that I can become amazingly boring. But I know God smiles on me. +We all have our reasons. Mine is simply to make them understand happiness, accept salvation, know the serenity that comes- -best I stop. One of the by-products of my belief is that I can become amazingly boring. But I know God smiles on me. Have you got that in writing? +Samuel is camp liaison- absolutely indispensable- the only man here everyone trusts. Does he speak English? +Excellent. Could I see the bridge site? I've got medical supplies to deliver. Come along to the hospital when you're done. +Finish your tour? And anxious to get started. What is this, mostly malaria? +And anxious to get started. What is this, mostly malaria? Yes- but their suffering is only transitory- once they except God into their hearts, He will vanquish all pain. +"I couldn't believe it when you said ""sort it out."" As if it were the most normal thing in the world. ""Ho-hum, what lovely tea, I think I'll bag a killer beast this evening, nothing much else going on anyway.""" Well, he put me in a spot, didn't he? But that's all right- after all, I'm responsible for everything that happens here. And it certainly won't do much for morale if a man-eater's on the prowl. +"You said ""of course"" you'd need the donkey. Why ""of course""?" We know three things about man-eaters. First, they always return to where they've attacked before. Second, they're always old- they can't catch other animals so they turn to us. And third, they're always alone- they've been cast out by their pride because they can't keep up. +I don't suppose I could watch. Might be exciting for you. +Might be exciting for you. I've never been all that adventurous. I wouldn't be in the way? +I've never been all that adventurous. I wouldn't be in the way? I'd love the company. And I've hunted all my life. +I'd love the company. And I've hunted all my life. Well, why not? You seem so calm and experienced. Why not, indeed! +I hate to be a bother, John, but the cramp's getting worse. The pain is actually quite unbearable now. Shhh. +Shhh. I'm sure you mean that to be comforting, but- +I'm sure you mean that to be comforting, but- -you'll have to deal with it, Nigel. +-you'll have to deal with it, Nigel. That is precisely my plan- but back in my tent. +John? I know this isn't the time to ask, but- What? +What? Since you'd only been here three hours when we met, are you sure this is how you hunt lions? +Since you'd only been here three hours when we met, are you sure this is how you hunt lions? Not to terrify you, Nigel, but it's worse than you think- I've never even seen one. +...one shot... So that's what a lion looks like. +With much more on the way- -John- we could have had this chat on flatter ground- -true enough- but without the comedy relief. +How lucky we are. Aren't we full of ourselves today? I think it's because of the lion. +Aren't we full of ourselves today? I think it's because of the lion. Possibly. +All right- thee second embankment will go there. "You do plan to mark it a bit more precisely than just- -""there.""" +"You do plan to mark it a bit more precisely than just- -""there.""" In your honor, Nigel. And you and Singh will be in charge of building them- and you'll also build the roadbeds and the three foundation pillars- and you'll be finished in eight thrilling weeks. +In your honor, Nigel. And you and Singh will be in charge of building them- and you'll also build the roadbeds and the three foundation pillars- and you'll be finished in eight thrilling weeks. John, it will not be easy. +John, it will not be easy. Nigel, you'll just have to use your hands- +I'll try- but this feels so different- that old lion I killed could never carry off a man Singh's size. But you said they were always old. +But you said they were always old. That's what the books say... +Second death? Where?- -far end of camp- man wandering alone at night. Hawthorne's examining the body now. There's even less of him than of Singh. +-far end of camp- man wandering alone at night. Hawthorne's examining the body now. There's even less of him than of Singh. But it's crazy- the lion shouldn't be that hungry this soon. Samuel? +What a good week. You mean nobody died? +You mean nobody died? We all worked together. Worthy deeds were accomplished. I liked the labor. My mother insisted on piano lessons- broke the dear woman's heart when I turned out to be tone deaf- but she still was always at me about being careful with my hands. I like the blood, is that strange? +I didn't have a chance to thank you. What did I do? +What did I do? Got me out of trouble. +Got me out of trouble. Nonsense- Samuel would have done something. +Nonsense- Samuel would have done something. We need to talk. +We need to talk. Let me save time- you are the engineer; you are in charge; you're sorry I'm here. Right so far? Good- because I am not an engineer, I don't want to be in charge, and I'm sorrier than you are that I'm here- I hate Tsavo. So I will help you by killing the lions and leaving, and you will help me by doing what I tell you so I can leave. See any problems? +Let me save time- you are the engineer; you are in charge; you're sorry I'm here. Right so far? Good- because I am not an engineer, I don't want to be in charge, and I'm sorrier than you are that I'm here- I hate Tsavo. So I will help you by killing the lions and leaving, and you will help me by doing what I tell you so I can leave. See any problems? Actually, no. +Actually, no. All right- let's go into battle. I'm Redbeard. +All right- let's go into battle. I'm Redbeard. Somehow I guessed. +I don't really. But understand something- even though it may take me two or three days to sort this out- -when I'm gone, you'll still have to build the bridge. And I don't want the men to have lost respect for you. That's very considerate. +That's very considerate. I'm always considerate- my mother taught me that. +Have you got it? No, but you do- -see, you were needed after all. And fifty warriors at the camp before dawn. +The best way to ensure the kill when you're using trackers is for one to shoot while the other uses the trackers to force the lion toward the shooter. Have you ever led trackers? I can try. +I can try. Samuel says you killed a lion. +Samuel says you killed a lion. It was probably luck- I'd rather you did the shooting. +It was probably luck- I'd rather you did the shooting. You'd never force the lion to me- and nobody ever got a lion with one shot by luck. Around there's a clearing- you'll know it from the anthills- get there and hide and listen to the sounds- I'll make the lion come directly to you. +...misfire... it jammed... Has it ever done that before? +Has it ever done that before? ...don't know... +Think about something else. Have you ever failed? +Have you ever failed? Only in life... +Goddammit! It's all right. Stay ready. They know it's there. +Meant to ask you- the railroad car trap. Your idea? Excellent notion- I used the same device myself once. But of course yours worked. +But of course yours worked. In point of fact it didn't- but I'm convinced the idea is sound. +"It would have been a beautiful bridge, John. I never noticed before, occupied with other business, I suppose... ...never really pay much attention to that kind of thing but I've had the time today, nothing else on, and this... it's graceful and the placement couldn't be prettier... and..." You just got hit. The getting up is up to you- but they're only lions- -and I'm going after them crack of dawn... +In my town, when I was little, there was a brute, a bully who terrorized the place. But he was not the problem. He had a brother who was worse than he. But the brother was not the problem. One or the other of them was usually in jail. The problem came when they were both free togther. The two became different from either alone. Alone they were only brutes. Together they became lethal, together they killed. What happened to them? +What happened to them? I got big. +Their den? Have you ever seen anything like this? Nobody's seen anything like this. Lions don't have caves like this- -they're doing it for pleasure. +Where could it have gone? How could it get across the water? They're only lions, yes? Don't they have to be?... +They're used to people in trees, not in a clearing. It may be tight. Not for me- I'm too bulky and it's your idea, you go up there. Take the others to the water tower for the night. +Not for me- I'm too bulky and it's your idea, you go up there. Take the others to the water tower for the night. I'll be bait alone? +I'll be bait alone? Yes. And I'll be in some distant tree where I can provide no assistance whatsoever. Can you control your fear? +Yes. And I'll be in some distant tree where I can provide no assistance whatsoever. Can you control your fear? I'll have to. +I'll have to. I can't control mine- I'd be lost without the shame factor driving me. +I can't control mine- I'd be lost without the shame factor driving me. Was that supposed to make me feel better? +It's certainly the best chance they've had to kill you. You think they'll come then? Why? +You think they'll come then? Why? Good luck. +Good luck. Why? +Why? Because I think they're after you. +How many do you think they've killed? The most of any lions... a hundred...? Probably more. Johnny...? +I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad you came. Understood- you realize now you could never have done it without me. +Understood- you realize now you could never have done it without me. Actually, I could have done it much more easily without you, but for whatever reason, I'm glad you came. +Why do the workers look unhappy? Because they are here. Because Tsavo is the worst place in the world. Come, John- to the bridge. +It's all wonderfully under control, Samuel- you've done a splendid job. Thank you. The truth is this: you have to work at it constantly. +Thank you. The truth is this: you have to work at it constantly. The workers don't get on? +The workers don't get on? Get on? They detest each other. Obviously the Africans hate the Indians. But the Indians also hate the other Indians. Some of them worship cows, while others eat them. +Did it look like this in your mind? This is more difficult- +I am also liaison between these two. Clearly you don't agree about building the railroad? +What are they looking at? You- they cannot believe you're still here. +You- they cannot believe you're still here. Nonsense. +Nonsense. "You don't know what Tsavo means, do you? It means ""slaughter""..." +We should construct thorn fences around every tent area. Fires burning at night. Fine. Get started. And a strict curfew- no one allowed out at night. Send half your men to the bridge, the rest with these two. And I'm sorry for my tone earlier. But I repeat- there is no reason for fear. I will kill the lion and I will build the bridge. +Oh yes, I think so. Look out, Samuel, here it comes. +For you. Thank you, Samuel. +Thank you, Samuel. Good news? +Good news? I expect so- it's from my wife. +I expect so- it's from my wife. Do you love her? +Do you love her? I do, actually; very much. +I do, actually; very much. You give me hope, John. +Soon. I have to ask- why do you need me? +You like him, don't you? Oh yes. But it takes time. +Oh yes. But it takes time. You've known him long? +You've known him long? Since his beard was red. +Thank you. Why does he need you by him? He doesn't. He needs nobody. But we have hunted many times... ...he knows I am afraid of lions... +Three years I've worked for the railroad. Now I don't know why. It seemed a good idea once. I feel the same about the bridge. This country certainly didn't ask for it, doesn't need it. +He has children? Once... +Where is it? Underneath. Somewhere. +Afraid of lions. It's all right, Samuel- we all get hit- +Why do you laugh?- you don't believe she taught me? I don't believe you had a mother. +How many cattle? Four should do it. +Four should do it. They will want a lot of money. +Why so many? Because I have two plans to kill the lions- one involving the cattle, the other the men. +Did you ever see a lion that size? Not even close. What happened? +Gentlemen, there's no sickness smell at all here, and little blood. When we leave, close the gate securely, don't open it til morning and keep your fires high. Any questions, ask them now. You two will sleep beautifully in your tents. And stay there. And where will you sleep beautifully? +And where will you sleep beautifully? Patterson and I will be in the old hospital- where the enticing smell of sickness still lingers- -and by the time we're done, I promise you, the odor of blood will be irresistible. +Where do you go next? Some Russian princes want to hunt the Himalayas. You? +Some Russian princes want to hunt the Himalayas. You? Help finish the railroad. +My life was shaped because someone invented gunpowder. Our lives have crossed because two lions went mad. But what if in the future the three of us do something grand for humanity? Was that worth all the lives? Too soon to tell. Some mysteries should not have solutions. +Some mysteries should not have solutions. Hold your son high. +Oh, yes, I got in a little late this morning, Janosz. You know, you are really doing very good work here. I think soon you may be ready to assist me in some of the more important restorations. +You know, you are really doing very good work here. I think soon you may be ready to assist me in some of the more important restorations. Thank you, Janosz. I've learned a lot here, but now that my baby's a little older, I was hoping to rejoin the orchestra. +We'll be very sorry to lose you. Perhaps I could take you to lunch today? Actually, I'm not eating lunch today. I have an appointment. In fact, I'd better go. +Every day I ask you, and every day you've got something else to do. Do I have bad breath or something? I'm sorry. Perhaps some other time. +I'm sorry. Perhaps some other time. Okay, I'll take a raincheck on that. +Janosz? Hello, Dana. I happened to be in the neighborhood and I thought I'd stop by to see if everything's all right with you -- you know, with the blackout and everything? Are you okay? Is the baby all right? +Do you need anything? You want me to come in? No, everything's fine. Honestly. Thanks anyway. +No, everything's fine. Honestly. Thanks anyway. Okay, just thought I'd check. Good night, Dana. Sleep well. Don't let the bedbugs bite you. +Okay, just thought I'd check. Good night, Dana. Sleep well. Don't let the bedbugs bite you. Good night, Janosz. +Dana, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend? Oh, I'm sorry. This is Peter Venkman. Peter, Janosz Poha. +What do you want with my baby? No harm will come to the child. You might even say it's a privilege. He will be the vessel for the spirit of Vigo. And you -- well, you will be the mother of the ruler of the world. Doesn't that sound nice? +No harm will come to the child. You might even say it's a privilege. He will be the vessel for the spirit of Vigo. And you -- well, you will be the mother of the ruler of the world. Doesn't that sound nice? If this is what the world will be like, I don't want to live in it. +If this is what the world will be like, I don't want to live in it. I don't believe we have the luxury of choice. +I don't believe we have the luxury of choice. Everybody has a choice. +Everybody has a choice. Not in this case, my dear. Take a look. That's not Gainsborough's Blue Boy up there. He's Vigo! +Not in this case, my dear. Take a look. That's not Gainsborough's Blue Boy up there. He's Vigo! I don't care who he is. He's not taking my baby. +Time is running out, Dana. Soon it will be midnight and the city will be mine -- and Vigo's. Well, mainly Vigo's. But we have a spectacular opportunity to make the best of our relationship. We don't have a relationship. +We don't have a relationship. I know. Marry me, Dana, and together we will raise Vigo as our son. There are many perks that come with being the mother of a living god. I'm sure he will supply for us a magnificent apartment. And perhaps a car and free parking. +I know. Marry me, Dana, and together we will raise Vigo as our son. There are many perks that come with being the mother of a living god. I'm sure he will supply for us a magnificent apartment. And perhaps a car and free parking. I hate and despise you and everything you stand for with all my heart and soul. I could never forgive what you've done to me and my child. +I hate and despise you and everything you stand for with all my heart and soul. I could never forgive what you've done to me and my child. Many marriages begin with a certain amount of distance, but after a while I believe we could learn to love each other. Think about it. +Many marriages begin with a certain amount of distance, but after a while I believe we could learn to love each other. Think about it. I'd rather not. +Hundreds of people. Believe me, I didn't imagine this. I'm not saying you did. In science we always look for the simplest explanation. +What are you working on, Egon? I'm trying to determine whether human emotional states have a measurable effect on the psychomagnetheric energy field. It's a theory Ray and I were working on when we had to dissolve Ghostbusters. +We'll do the happiness index next. I'd like to bring Ray in on your case, if it's all right with you. Okay, whatever you think -- but not Venkman. +Okay, whatever you think -- but not Venkman. Oh no. +Oh no. Do you ever see him? +Do you ever see him? Occasionally +Occasionally How is he these days? +How is he these days? Venkman? I think he was borderline for a while there. Then he crossed the border. +Venkman? I think he was borderline for a while there. Then he crossed the border. Does he ever mention me? +Does he ever mention me? No. Not that I can recall. +This is my address and telephone number. Will you call me? Certainly. +Certainly. Egon, I'd rather you didn't mention any of this to Peter if you don't mind. +Egon, I'd rather you didn't mention any of this to Peter if you don't mind. I won't. +I won't. Thank you. +Frank, do you think you could give me a hand with these bags? I'm not a doorman, Miss Barrett. I'm a building superintendent. +I'm not a doorman, Miss Barrett. I'm a building superintendent. You're also a human being, Frank. +You're also a human being, Frank. Okay, okay. It's not my job, but what the hell. I'll do you a favor. He takes the grocery bags from her. +Okay, okay. It's not my job, but what the hell. I'll do you a favor. He takes the grocery bags from her. Thank you, Frank. I'll get the hang of this eventually. +Hiya, Oscar. What do you say, slugger? That's a good-looking kid you got there, Ms. Barrett. +That's a good-looking kid you got there, Ms. Barrett. Thank you, Frank. Oh, are you ever going to fix the radiator in my bedroom? I asked you last week. +Thank you, Frank. Oh, are you ever going to fix the radiator in my bedroom? I asked you last week. Didn't I do it? +No, you didn't, Frank. Okay, that's no problem. +Okay, that's no problem. That's exactly what you said last week. +Hello, Peter. You know, Dana, I'm very very hurt that you didn't call me first. I'm still into all this stuff, you know. Haven't you ever seen my show? +You know, Dana, I'm very very hurt that you didn't call me first. I'm still into all this stuff, you know. Haven't you ever seen my show? I have. That's why I didn't call you first. +I have. That's why I didn't call you first. I can see that you're still very bitter about us, but in the interest of science, I'm going to give it my best shot. Let's go to work, boys. +So what happened to Mr. Right? I hear he ditched you and the kid and moved to Europe. "He didn't ""ditch"" me. We had some problems, he got a good offer from an orchestra in England and he took it." +"He didn't ""ditch"" me. We had some problems, he got a good offer from an orchestra in England and he took it." He ditched you. You should've married me, you know. +He ditched you. You should've married me, you know. You never asked me, and every time I brought it up you'd get drowsy and fall asleep. +You never asked me, and every time I brought it up you'd get drowsy and fall asleep. Men are very sensitive, you know. We need to feel loved and desired, too. +Men are very sensitive, you know. We need to feel loved and desired, too. "Well, when you started introducing me as ""the old ball and chain,"" that's when I left." +"Well, when you started introducing me as ""the old ball and chain,"" that's when I left." I may have a few personal problems but one thing I am is a total professional. +What do you think? There's no doubt about it. He's got his father's looks. The kid is ugly -- extremely ugly. And smelly. You stink! It's just horrible. You are the stinkiest baby I ever smelled. What's his name? +There's no doubt about it. He's got his father's looks. The kid is ugly -- extremely ugly. And smelly. You stink! It's just horrible. You are the stinkiest baby I ever smelled. What's his name? His name is Oscar. +His name is Oscar. Oscar! You poor kid! +Oscar! You poor kid! Peter, this is serious. I need to know if you think there's anything unusual about him. +Peter, this is serious. I need to know if you think there's anything unusual about him. Unusual? I don't know. I haven't had a lot of experience with babies. +I'll do it. I'll supervise. +Brings back a lot of sweet memories, doesn't it? There's our old cash machine. And the dry cleaners we used to go to. And the old video store. We really had some good times, didn't we? We definitely had a moment or two. +That's where the buggy stopped. Okay, let's take a look. +I wish I could stay. I feel personally responsible for you being here. You are personally responsible. If I can get conjugal rights, will you visit me at Sing Sing? +You are personally responsible. If I can get conjugal rights, will you visit me at Sing Sing? Please don't say that. You won't go to prison. +Please don't say that. You won't go to prison. Don't worry about me. I'm like a cat. +Don't worry about me. I'm like a cat. You mean you cough up hairballs all over the rug? +You mean you cough up hairballs all over the rug? I'm El Gato. I always land on my feet. +I'm El Gato. I always land on my feet. Good luck. +Good luck. Thanks. +So this is what you do, huh? Oh, hello, Peter. +Oh, hello, Peter. You're really good, you know. +You're really good, you know. I didn't paint it. I'm just cleaning it. It's an original Ver Meer. It's worth about ten million dollars. +I'm sure you didn't come here just to talk about art. As a matter of fact, I stopped by to tell you that I haven't forgotten your problem and that we're still on the case. +He was also a lunatic and a genocidal madman. I hate this painting. I've felt very uncomfortable since they brought it up from storage. Yeah, it's not the kind of thing you'd want to hang in the rec room. You know what it needs? A fluffy little white kitten in the corner. +I may be wrong, but I think you've got a little crush on this guy. Good-bye, Peter. +Good-bye, Peter. I'd like to stay, but I really don't have time to hang around here. I'll call you. Later, Johnny! +I'm sorry. Were you on your way out? No, I just got in -- a couple hours ago. Come on in. Are we having a pajama party? +No, I just got in -- a couple hours ago. Come on in. Are we having a pajama party? Peter, the bathtub tried to eat Oscar. +You know, if anyone else told me that, I'd have serious doubts. But coming from you, I can't honestly say I'm surprised. I must be losing my mind. At the museum today I could have sworn that terrible painting of Vigo looked right at me. +I must be losing my mind. At the museum today I could have sworn that terrible painting of Vigo looked right at me. Who could blame him? Were you wearing this nightgown? +Who could blame him? Were you wearing this nightgown? I don't know what to do anymore. +I don't know what to do anymore. I'll get Ray and Egon to check out the bathtub. You better stay here. +This is Joe Namath's old number, you know. You could get a lot of chicks with this. Just don't pee in it. Peter, what about the bathtub? +Peter, what about the bathtub? We'll take care of that. Ray, Pete. Listen, get over to Dana's right away ... Her bathtub pulled a fast one -- tried to eat the kid. +We'll take care of that. Ray, Pete. Listen, get over to Dana's right away ... Her bathtub pulled a fast one -- tried to eat the kid. It was full of this awful pink ooze. +It was full of this awful pink ooze. Sounds like another slime job ... No, they're all right. They're here now ... Right ... Let me know. +Bathroom's right here -- let me just tidy up a few things. Peter, this is very nice, but you don't have to do any of this, you know. +Be careful on that sofa -- it's a butt-biter. But the bed's good and I just changed the sheets so if you get tired, feel free. In fact, I think you should definitely plan on spending the night here. Really? And how would we handle the sleeping arrangements? +Really? And how would we handle the sleeping arrangements? For me it's best if I sleep on my side and you spoon up right behind me with your arms around me. If we go the other way I'm afraid your hair will be getting in my face all night. +For me it's best if I sleep on my side and you spoon up right behind me with your arms around me. If we go the other way I'm afraid your hair will be getting in my face all night. How about you on the sofa and me in bed with the baby. +How about you on the sofa and me in bed with the baby. Or we could do that. +Or we could do that. Thank you. Poor baby. I think I should put him down now. +Thank you. Poor baby. I think I should put him down now. I'll put him down for you. You are way too short! And your belly-button sticks out! You're nothing but a burden to your poor mother! +Are you all squeaky clean now? Yes, I'm very clean. Did they find anything at my apartment? +They didn't find anything? In the bathtub ... the pink ooze ... nothing? So, what do I do now? Now you get dressed and we go out. I got a babysitter and everything. Trust me, you need it. +Now you get dressed and we go out. I got a babysitter and everything. Trust me, you need it. I'm not here to date. I can't leave Oscar in a strange place with someone I don't know. +I'm not here to date. I can't leave Oscar in a strange place with someone I don't know. It's Janine Melnitz, from my staff. She's one of my most valuable employees. +It's Janine Melnitz, from my staff. She's one of my most valuable employees. Does she know anything about babies? +Does she know anything about babies? Janine Melnitz, are you kidding? Do I have a vase? I brought some of your clothes. Wear something intriguing. I brought along some interesting possibilities. +Janine Melnitz, are you kidding? Do I have a vase? I brought some of your clothes. Wear something intriguing. I brought along some interesting possibilities. Okay, but it's not a date. It's a dinner. +Did you happen to see some shirts on the floor in here? I put them in your hamper. I thought they were dirty. +I put them in your hamper. I thought they were dirty. I have a hamper? Next time ask me first, okay. I have more than two grades of laundry. There're lots of subtle levels between clean and dirty. +So -- are you making any New Year's resolutions? I want to stop getting involved with men who aren't good for me. +I want to stop getting involved with men who aren't good for me. Does that start exactly at midnight tomorrow, or could you hold off for a few days maybe? +Does that start exactly at midnight tomorrow, or could you hold off for a few days maybe? For one night in your life, do you think it's possible for us to be completely real? +For one night in your life, do you think it's possible for us to be completely real? All right, you want to be real? So tell me why did you dump me? +All right, you want to be real? So tell me why did you dump me? Oh, Peter, I didn't dump you. I just had to protect myself. You really weren't very good for me, you know. +Oh, Peter, I didn't dump you. I just had to protect myself. You really weren't very good for me, you know. I'm not even good for me. +I'm not even good for me. Why do you say things like that? You're so much better than you know. +Why do you say things like that? You're so much better than you know. Thank you. If I had that kind of support on a daily basis, I could definitely shape up by the turn of the century. +Thank you. If I had that kind of support on a daily basis, I could definitely shape up by the turn of the century. So why don't you give me a jingle in the year 2000? +So why don't you give me a jingle in the year 2000? Let me jingle you right now. +Maybe I should call Janine. Don't worry. Janine has a very special way with children. +I think he likes you. I think I do too. Finally came to your senses, huh? +That's not true. It was 1620. Same difference. +That's a terrible thing to say. So what? It's a free country. Thanks, Lib. +Hi, Ray. It's good to see you. Thanks for coming. No problem. Always glad to help -- and hug. +No problem. Always glad to help -- and hug. Hi, Egon. +Is this the spot? A little to the left. Right there! That's where it stopped. +I think we hit the honeypot, boys. There's something brewing under the street. Peter, do you think maybe I have some genetic problem or something that makes me vulnerable to these supernatural things. +Sorry! Maybe we should discuss this somewhere else. +According to my sources, the world will end on February 14, in the year 2016. Valentine's Day. That's got to be a bummer. Where did you get that date, Elaine? +Valentine's Day. That's got to be a bummer. Where did you get that date, Elaine? I received this information from an alien. I was at the Paramus Holiday Inn, I was having a drink in the bar when he approached me and started talking. Then he must have used some sort of ray or a mind control device because he made me follow him to his room and that's where he told me about the end of the world. +I received this information from an alien. I was at the Paramus Holiday Inn, I was having a drink in the bar when he approached me and started talking. Then he must have used some sort of ray or a mind control device because he made me follow him to his room and that's where he told me about the end of the world. Your alien had a room in the Holiday Inn? +Your alien had a room in the Holiday Inn? It may have been a room on the spacecraft made up to look like a room in the Holiday Inn. I can't be sure, Peter. +It may have been a room on the spacecraft made up to look like a room in the Holiday Inn. I can't be sure, Peter. No, you can't, and I think that's the whole problem with aliens; you just can't trust them. You may get some nice ones occasionally like Starman or E.T., but most of them turn out to be some kind of lizard. Anyway, we're just about out of time. Next week on 'World of the Psychic,' hairless pets. Until then, this is Peter Venkman saying ... ... Good night. +Can I help you? Yeah, you can get your hand off my chest. +I'm Jack Hardemeyer. I'm the mayor's assistant. What can I do for you? I'm an old friend of the mayor's. I just want to say hello to him. +I'm an old friend of the mayor's. I just want to say hello to him. I know who you are, Doctor Venkman. Busting any ghosts lately? +I know who you are, Doctor Venkman. Busting any ghosts lately? No, that's what I want to talk to the mayor about. We did a little job for the city a while back and we ended up getting sued, screwed and tattooed by deskworms like you. +No, that's what I want to talk to the mayor about. We did a little job for the city a while back and we ended up getting sued, screwed and tattooed by deskworms like you. Look, you stay away from the mayor. Next fall, barring a disaster, he's going to be elected governor of this state and the last thing we need is for him to be associated with two-bit frauds and publicity hounds like you and your friends. You read me? +That's quite a story. Yeah, I think the Times might be interested, don't you? The Post might have a lot of fun with it, too. +Before you go running to the newspapers with this, would you consider telling this slime thing to some people downtown? Now you're talking. +Look, I've had it with you. Get your stuff together, get back in that clown car and get out of here. This is a city matter and everything's under control. Oh, you think so? Well, I've got news for you. You've got Dracula's brother-in-law in there and he's got my girlfriend and her kid. Around about midnight tonight, when you're partying uptown, this guy's going to come to life and start doing amateur head transplants. And that's just round one. +What is it, honey? It's that darn ghost again! I don't know what to do anymore. He just won't leave us alone. I guess we'll just have to move. +It's that darn ghost again! I don't know what to do anymore. He just won't leave us alone. I guess we'll just have to move. Don't worry. We're not moving. He is. +Who are you going to call? Ghostbusters. +Oh migod! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. It was an accident. What are you doing up here? +What are you doing up here? I was trying to get that smelly green thing. The guys asked me to help out. I'm like the fifth Ghostbuster. +I was trying to get that smelly green thing. The guys asked me to help out. I'm like the fifth Ghostbuster. Why would you want to be a Ghostbuster if you're already an accountant? +Why would you want to be a Ghostbuster if you're already an accountant? Oh, no, it's just if one of the guys calls in sick or gets hurt. +Have you made any plans yet? You know tomorrow is New Year's Eve. No, I celebrate at the beginning of my corporate tax year which is March first. That way I beat the crowds. +No, I celebrate at the beginning of my corporate tax year which is March first. That way I beat the crowds. That's very practical. I hate going out on New Year's Eve, too. +Well, good night, Louis. Janine, do you feel like maybe getting something to eat on the way home? +Janine, do you feel like maybe getting something to eat on the way home? I'd like to, but I told Dr. Venkman I'd babysit. Do you want to babysit with me? +I'd like to, but I told Dr. Venkman I'd babysit. Do you want to babysit with me? Oh, sure, that sounds great. +I can't believe a person could actually live like this. So these dwarfs had a limited partnership in a small mining operation and then one day a beautiful princess came to live with them. +So these dwarfs had a limited partnership in a small mining operation and then one day a beautiful princess came to live with them. It's really not a bad place. It just needs a woman's touch. +It's really not a bad place. It just needs a woman's touch. So they bartered room and board in exchange for housekeeping services, which was a good deal for all of them because then they didn't have to withhold tax and social security, which I'm not saying is right but it's just a story, so I guess it's all right. I can finish this later if you're tired. +You're really good with children, Louis. I can tell. Why don't you come here and sit with me? Okay. +Motherhood is a very natural instinct for me. I'd like to have a baby myself. Wouldn't you? Tonight? +Should we go? I don't think we should leave her alone. +I don't think we should leave her alone. You're right. We should stay. +I'm not sure this is such a good idea? Do they know you're doing this? Oh, yeah, sure -- no. But there's really not much to do here and they might need some back-up at the museum. +Oh, yeah, sure -- no. But there's really not much to do here and they might need some back-up at the museum. You're very brave, Louis. Good luck. +Pleasure to meet you. I've seen you on television. How are you? What's that you're working on, Johnny? +It's a painting I'm restoring for the new Byzantine exhibition. It's a self-portrait of Prince Vigo, the Carpathian. He ruled most of Carpathia and Moldavia in the 17th Century. Too bad for the Moldavians. +We don't go around altering valuable paintings, Dr. Venkman. Well, I'd make an exception in this case if I were you. +I'll let you get back to it. Nice meeting you. My pleasure. +Dr. Venkman? Dana is not here. I know. +I know. Then why have you come? +Then why have you come? We got a major creep alert and we're just going down the list. Your name was first. +You know, I never got to ask you. Where you from, Johnny? The Upper West Side. +This is the one that looked at Dana. It must be the chemical fumes in the studio. People start imagining things -- +It must be the chemical fumes in the studio. People start imagining things -- I'm going to rule out the glue-sniffing theory. If she says it looked at her, it looked at her. Hey, you! Vigie! Look at me. I'm talking to you. Hey! Look at me when I'm talking to you. +So you see, everything is in order, is it not? Not. Don't leave town and report any change in your address to the proper authorities. We'll be back. +You pitiful, miserable creatures! You dare to challenge the power of darkness? Don't you realize what you are dealing with? He's Vigo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him. Oh, Johnny. Did you back the wrong horse. +I, Vigo, the scourge of Carpathia, the sorrow of Moldavia, command you. Command me, lord. +Command me, lord. On a mountain of skulls in a castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood. What was will be, what is will be no more. Now is the season of evil. Find me a child that I might live again. +I, Vigo, the scourge of Carpathia -- Yes, the scourge -- +Yes, the scourge -- -- the sorrow of Moldavia -- +-- the sorrow of Moldavia -- -- the sorrow -- +-- the sorrow -- I command you. +I command you. I await the word of Vigo. +I await the word of Vigo. The season of evil begins with the birth of the new year. Bring me the child that I might live again. +The season of evil begins with the birth of the new year. Bring me the child that I might live again. Lord Vigo, the mother, Dana, is fine and strong. I was wondering -- well, would it be possible -- if I bring the baby, could I have the woman? +Lord Vigo, the mother, Dana, is fine and strong. I was wondering -- well, would it be possible -- if I bring the baby, could I have the woman? So be it. On this the day of darkness, she will be ours, wife to you and mother to me. +Keep that up, mister, and I'll find you in contempt. Sorry, your Honor, but when somebody sets me up like that I can't resist. +You've got to do something! Who are they? +Who are they? They're the Scoleri Brothers. I tried them for murder. They were electrocuted up at Ossining in '48. Now they want to kill me. +They're the Scoleri Brothers. I tried them for murder. They were electrocuted up at Ossining in '48. Now they want to kill me. Maybe they just want to appeal. +These boys aren't playing around. You've got to stop them. Please! +The witness is leading him. Sustained. Okay, let me rephrase that question. Didn't you once coach a basketball team for underprivileged children? +Sustained. Mr. Tully, do you have anything to ask this witness that may have some bearing on this case? Do I? +Your honor, may I approach the bench? Yes. +Can I have some of your water? Get on with it, counselor! +Get on with it, counselor! Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the -- audience. I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Okay, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was stuck in an elevator for about three hours and I had to go to the bathroom the whole time, but I don't blame them because once I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you. +That's it? That's all you have to say? Did I forget something? +Come on, Sherm. You're my cousin. Do this for me. I'm begging you. I can't do it, Louis. It isn't ethical. I could lose my license. +I can't do it, Louis. It isn't ethical. I could lose my license. Why can't you just have them released? You're a doctor. +Why can't you just have them released? You're a doctor. I'm a dermatologist. I can't write orders on the psych ward. +I'm a dermatologist. I can't write orders on the psych ward. Sherman, I've done lots of favors for you. +Sherman, I've done lots of favors for you. Like what? +Like what? I got you out of those bad tax shelters. +I got you out of those bad tax shelters. You were the one who got me in. +You were the one who got me in. I fixed you up with Diane Troxler and she put out, didn't she? +I fixed you up with Diane Troxler and she put out, didn't she? Yeah, I had to give her free dermabrasion for a year. Forget it, Louis. I could get in a lot of trouble. +Yeah, I had to give her free dermabrasion for a year. Forget it, Louis. I could get in a lot of trouble. I'm telling you, we're all going to be in big trouble if we don't do something fast. That ghost guy came and took my friend's baby and we got to get it back. It's just a scared little baby, Sherm. +I'm telling you, we're all going to be in big trouble if we don't do something fast. That ghost guy came and took my friend's baby and we got to get it back. It's just a scared little baby, Sherm. Then you should go to the police. I don't believe in any of that stuff. +This is my cousin Sherman. Sherm, say hello to the Ghostbusters. I promised him a ride in the car if he got you out. Hi, it's really great to meet you guys. I know this sounds weird but once I had a dream that my grandfather was standing at the foot of my bed, but I knew it was impossible because he died and he started to tell me that -- +Hey! Wait! Okay, I'll meet you there. I thought you were like the fifth Ghostbuster. +I thought you were like the fifth Ghostbuster. I let them handle all the little stuff. I just come in on the big ones. +Hi, welcome back to the 'World of the Psychic,' I'm Peter Venkman and I'm chatting with my guest, author, lecturer and of course, psychic, Milton Anglund. Milt, your new book is called The End of the World. Isn't that kind of like writing about gum disease. Yes, it could happen, but do you think anybody wants to read a book about it? Well, I think it's important for people to know that the world is in danger. +Well, I think it's important for people to know that the world is in danger. Okay, so can you tell us when it's going to happen or do we have to buy the book? +Okay, so can you tell us when it's going to happen or do we have to buy the book? I predict that the world will end at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve. +I predict that the world will end at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve. This year? That's cutting it a little close, isn't it? I mean, just from a sales point of view, the book just came out, right? So you're not even looking at the paperback release for maybe a year. And it's going to be at least another year after that if the thing has movie-of-the-week or mini-series potential. You would have been better off predicting 1992 or even '94 just to be safe. +This year? That's cutting it a little close, isn't it? I mean, just from a sales point of view, the book just came out, right? So you're not even looking at the paperback release for maybe a year. And it's going to be at least another year after that if the thing has movie-of-the-week or mini-series potential. You would have been better off predicting 1992 or even '94 just to be safe. This is not just some money-making scheme! I didn't just make up the date. I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New Year's Eve. +This is not just some money-making scheme! I didn't just make up the date. I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New Year's Eve. Well, for your sake, I hope you're right. But I think my other guest may disagree with you. Elaine, you had another date in mind? +Yes, I did. We were city champs. Objection. Irrelevant and immaterial. +So, Dr. Venkman, please explain to the court why it is you and your co-defendants took it upon yourselves to dig a big hole in the middle of the street. Seventy-seventh and First Avenue has so many holes already we didn't think anyone would notice. +I'll ask you again, Dr. Venkman. Why were you digging the hole? And please remember that you're under oath. I had my fingers crossed when they swore me in, but I'm going to tell you the truth. There are things in this world that go way beyond human understanding, things that can't be explained and that most people don't want to know about anyway. That's where we come in. +I had my fingers crossed when they swore me in, but I'm going to tell you the truth. There are things in this world that go way beyond human understanding, things that can't be explained and that most people don't want to know about anyway. That's where we come in. So what are you saying? That the world of the supernatural is your special province? +So what are you saying? That the world of the supernatural is your special province? No, I guess I'm just saying that shit happens and somebody has to deal with it. +Egon! Hello, Venkman. +Hello, Venkman. How've you been? How's teaching? I bet those science chicks really dig that big cranium of yours, huh? +How've you been? How's teaching? I bet those science chicks really dig that big cranium of yours, huh? I think they're more interested in my epididymis. +I think they're more interested in my epididymis. I don't even want to know where that is. +I'd like to have a stool specimen Yeah, you would. Is that for personal or professional reasons? +What now, Brainiac? I think we should see if we can find anything abnormal on the street. +I think we should see if we can find anything abnormal on the street. Finding something abnormal on the street shouldn't be too hard. +That's a thousand million electron volts. I knew that. +You were supposed to help me with this. You need the exercise. +"""Vigo the Carpathian, born 1505, died 1610 --""" A hundred and five years? He really hung on, didn't he. +"That's it? ""I'll be back?""" It's a rough translation from the Moldavian. +You know, animals and lower life forms often anticipate major disasters. Given the new magnetheric readings we could see a tremendous breeding surge in the cockroach population. Roach breeding? Sounds better and better. Dana? The boys are going down under the sewers tonight to look for slime. Egon thinks there might even be some kind of big roach-breeding surge. Should we forget about dinner and go with them instead? +Boys, listen. You're scaring the straights. Let's save this until tomorrow, okay? This won't wait until tomorrow, Venkman. It's hot and it's ready to pop. +It's working. The positive GeV's are climbing. They love you, Lib. Keep it up. +So far so good. I'm worried. The vibrations could shake her to pieces. We should have padded her feet. +Pretty impressive, huh? It's probably the first thing my grandparents saw when they came to this country. +It's probably the first thing my grandparents saw when they came to this country. From where -- Neptune? +From where -- Neptune? They came from Ostrov in Eastern Poland. +They came from Ostrov in Eastern Poland. Ostrov? I've been there. Good party town. +Who was that? Some crank. Looking for goat hooves. Come up with anything? +Some crank. Looking for goat hooves. Come up with anything? This one's interesting. Berlin, 1939, a flower cart took off by itself and rolled approximately half a kilometer over level ground. Three hundred eyewitnesses. +This one's interesting. Berlin, 1939, a flower cart took off by itself and rolled approximately half a kilometer over level ground. Three hundred eyewitnesses. You might want to check those Duke University mean averaging studies on controlled psychokinesis. +You might want to check those Duke University mean averaging studies on controlled psychokinesis. Good idea. +Nothing. Not a trace. Why don't we try the Giga-meter? +The New York Pneumatic Railway. It was an experimental subway system. Fan-forced air-trains, built around 1870. This is about as deep as you can go under Manhattan without digging your own hole. +This is about as deep as you can go under Manhattan without digging your own hole. What's the reading? +Seems like a pretty open-minded guy, huh? "His nickname is ""The Hammer.""" +Hey, I didn't imagine it. There must have been ten thousand gallons of it down there. It may be ebbing and flowing from some tidal source. +I'm Egon -- And we're the ... +"No, not exactly a man of the people. ""Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.""" "This guy was a bad monkey. He dabbled in all the Black Arts, and listen to this prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were, ""Death is but a door, time is but a window. I'll be back.""" +Six feet -- seven -- eight -- That's it. It's on the bottom. +That's it. It's on the bottom. Nine feet -- ten -- +If you two are looking for a fight, you got one. Who wants it first? Come on, Ray. Try me, sucker. Butt out, you pencil-necked geek. I've had it with you. +It won't work. There's no way we could generate enough positive energy to crack that shell. I can't believe things have gotten so bad in this city that there's no way back. Sure, it's crowded, it's dirty, it's noisy. And there are too many people who'd just as soon step on your face as look at you. But there've got to be a few sparks of sweet humanity left in this burned-out burg. We just have to mobilize it. +I can't believe things have gotten so bad in this city that there's no way back. Sure, it's crowded, it's dirty, it's noisy. And there are too many people who'd just as soon step on your face as look at you. But there've got to be a few sparks of sweet humanity left in this burned-out burg. We just have to mobilize it. We need something that everyone can get behind, a symbol -- +Something that appeals to the best in each and every one of us -- Something good -- +Don't shoot! You'll hit Ray! Do it! Just do it! +We've found it at every event site we've been to lately. You mean this stuff actually feeds on 'bad vibes'? +There's definitely something going on in that studio. The PKE levels were max-plus and the Giga-meter was showing all red. I'd put my money on that Vigo character. +Is the line sinking? No, the slime is rising. +Rivers of the stuff! And it's all flowing toward the museum. +Late Renaissance, I think. Caravaggio or Brunelleschi. There's something very familiar about this painting. +Oh, hello, perhaps you could help me. I'm looking for an aerosol love potion I could spray on a certain Penthouse Pet that would make her unconditionally submit to an unusual personal request. Oh, hiya, Pete. +Oh, hiya, Pete. So, no goat hooves, huh? +So, no goat hooves, huh? I knew that voice sounded familiar. What's up? How's it going? +I knew that voice sounded familiar. What's up? How's it going? Nowhere -- fast. Why don't you lock up and buy me a sub? +Nowhere -- fast. Why don't you lock up and buy me a sub? Uh, I can't. I'm kind of working on something. +Great. So what are you guys working on? Oh, just checking something for an old friend. +Oh, just checking something for an old friend. Who? +Who? Who? Just -- someone we know. +Who? Just -- someone we know. Oh, Ray -- +Who? Who? Who? Aaah! Nobody! I can't tell you! +Aaah! Nobody! I can't tell you! Who, Ray? +Who, Ray? Dana! Dana Barrett! +Well, Holmes, what do you think? It's an interesting one, Pete. If anything was going on it's totally subdued now. +What's that? Egon and I have been working on a gauge to measure psychomagnetheric energy in GEVs - giga electron volts. +I love this. We're onto something really big. I can smell it, Ray. We're going to make some headlines with this one. Hey, hey, hey, stresshound! Are you nuts? If anybody found out about this we'd be in serious trouble. The judge couldn't have been clearer - no ghostbusting. +Hey, hey, hey, stresshound! Are you nuts? If anybody found out about this we'd be in serious trouble. The judge couldn't have been clearer - no ghostbusting. Relax. We're going to keep this whole thing nice and quiet, low key, no profile. +Geez, I forgot how heavy these things are. Okay, let's heat 'em up! +I'm Ray -- I'm Peter -- +Careful, Winston. He's a mean one. And to celebrate our grand reopening, we're giving you twice the value with our special half-price 'Welcome Back' service plan. Hold on, Ray! Half-price! Have you gone crazy? +Hold on, Ray! Half-price! Have you gone crazy? I guess so, Pete, because that's not all. Tell them what else we've got, Egon. +You know he ran that last lap in under six minutes? If he wasn't dead he'd be an Olympic prospect. +Oh good, you're here. Spengler and I have something really amazing to show you. It's not that thing you do with your nostrils, is it? +And now you're going to eat it? No, I'm just restoring it to its normal state. +This is what you do with your spare time? This is an incredible breakthrough, Venkman. A psychoreactive substance! Whatever this is, it clearly responds to human emotional states. +This is an incredible breakthrough, Venkman. A psychoreactive substance! Whatever this is, it clearly responds to human emotional states. 'Mood slime.' We ought to bottle this stuff and sell it. +Like a goat on garbage. We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive reaction. +We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive reaction. What kind of tests? +What kind of tests? Well, we sing to it, we talk to it, we say supportive, nurturing things -- +Well, we sing to it, we talk to it, we say supportive, nurturing things -- You're not sleeping with this stuff, are you? +Did you find anything at Dana's? Nothing. Just some mood-slime residue in and around the bathtub. But we did turn up some interesting stuff on this Vigo character you mentioned. I found the name Vigo the Carpathian in Leon Zundinger's Magicians, Martyrs and Madmen. Listen to this: +Beautiful, beautiful. Work with me, baby. Just have fun with it. Okay, he's playing it cool. Let's finish up and get out of here. I'll get one more reading. +What happened? You just picked up three penalty points on your driver's license. +Don't tell me, let me guess. All-you-can-eat barbecue rib night at the Sizzler? We're going down into the sewer system to see if we can trace the source of the psycho-reactive slime flow. We thought you might want to come along. +We're going down into the sewer system to see if we can trace the source of the psycho-reactive slime flow. We thought you might want to come along. Darn it! I wish I'd known you were going. I'm stuck with these damn dinner reservations. +I think we're going to have to pass on the sewer trip, boys. Let me know what you find out. Okay, but you're missing all the fun. +You should've been there, Venkman. Absolutely incredible! Yeah, sorry I missed it. I guess you guys didn't know about the dress code here. It's really kind of a coat and tie place. +Yeah, sorry I missed it. I guess you guys didn't know about the dress code here. It's really kind of a coat and tie place. It's all over the city, Pete -- well, under it actually. +It looks like a giant Jello mold. I hate Jello. +Forget it. The Vienna Boys Choir couldn't get through this stuff. Good effort. Now what? Should we say supportive, nurturing things to it, Ray? +I hope we have enough stuff to do the job. Only one way to find out. Ready, Teddy? +I'll keep to the middle of the channel. We're okay to 59th Street, then we'll go ashore and take First Avenue to 79th. Are you kidding? We'll hit all that bridge traffic at 59th. I'm going to take 72nd straight up to Fifth. Trust me, I used to drive a cab. +I don't think they make Nikes in her size. We're almost there, Lib. Step on it. +My Fault! She's new in town. +Vigi, Vigi, Vigi -- you have been a bad little monkey. The whole city's together on this one. We took a vote. Everybody's down on you, you know. +I think she looks pretty good here, don't you? Yeah, and a lot easier to get to than that island. +My great-grandparents were Swiss. I still have the pictures they took of the statue from the boat when they arrived. Oh, right, you told me that. They came to America seeking other kinds of cheese, as I recall. How about you, Winston? +What's your story, Pete? Me? I'm a little of everything. Some Irish, some German, some French, Dutch -- the women in my family slept around. And that's what made this country great. +Ready? I'm ready. +I'm ready. Then let's do it. +That's it, Ray. I've had it. No more parties. I'm tired of taking abuse from over-privileged nine-year-olds. Come on, Winston. We can't quit now. The holidays are coming up. It's our best season. +Give it up, Ray. You're living in the past. Ghostbusters doesn't exist anymore. In a year these kids won't even remember who we are. Ungrateful little Yuppie larvae. After all we did for this city. +Ungrateful little Yuppie larvae. After all we did for this city. Yeah, what did we do, Ray? The last real job we had we bubbled up a hundred foot marshmallow man and blew the top three floors off an uptown highrise. +Yeah, what did we do, Ray? The last real job we had we bubbled up a hundred foot marshmallow man and blew the top three floors off an uptown highrise. Yeah, but what a ride. You can't make a hamburger without chopping up a cow. +Does it have any favorites? It likes all the sappy stuff: 'Cumbaya,' 'Everything is Beautiful,' 'It's a Small World' -- but it loves Jackie Wilson. +And he didn't die of old age either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disemboweled, drawn and quartered. I guess he wasn't too popular at the end there. +You got a flux and a half. "Now if you don't want to be the -- -- fifth person ever to die in meta-shock from a planar rift, I suggest you get down behind that desk and don't move until we give you the signal ""Stabilize -- All Clear.""" +Now that's one ugly dude. Huh? What? +Huh? What? You finished here? +You finished here? What? Yeah. +What? Yeah. Are you all right? You coming down with something? +Are you all right? You coming down with something? No, I'm fine. I just got light-headed for a second there. Let's go. +Are you telling me how to drive? No, I just thought -- +No, I just thought -- Well don't think! +Are you all right? Yeah, I guess so. It was the strangest thing. I knew what I was doing but I couldn't stop. This really terrible feeling came over me and -- I don't know -- I just felt like driving into that tree and ending it all. Whew! Sorry, boys. +Nice going, Ray! What were you trying to do -- drown me? Look, Zeddemore, it wasn't my fault you were too stupid to drop that line. +Look, Zeddemore, it wasn't my fault you were too stupid to drop that line. You better watch your mouth, man, or I'll punch your lights out. +You better watch your mouth, man, or I'll punch your lights out. Oh yeah? Anytime, anytime. Just go ahead and try it. +What are we doing? Ray, I was ready to kill you. Don't you see? It's the slime. That stuff is like pure, concentrated evil. +She's moving! I've lived in New York all my life and I never visited the Statue of Liberty. Now I finally get here and we're taking her out for a walk. +Ray -- Ray -- How do you feel, man? Groovy. I've never felt better in my life. +I don't care what you say. This could be a major Christmas gift item. Right, and the first time someone gets mad, their toaster will eat their hand. +Right, and the first time someone gets mad, their toaster will eat their hand. So we'll put a warning on the label. +Tell him about the toaster. I don't think he's ready for the toaster. +It better not start yet. I'm trying to finish my potholder before lunch. You think all those predictions about the world coming to an end in the 1990s are true? +And pure -- And decent. +Kind of makes you wonder, doesn't it? Wonder what? +Wonder what? If she's naked under that toga. She's French, you know. +How deep does it get? That water's cold and I can't swim. It's okay. I have my Senior Lifesaving card. +My people weren't taking any pictures from those slave ships, man. And there wasn't any Statue in Charleston Harbor to welcome them, either. What are you, Dana? Miss Blue Blood? Her family's been here since the year 12. +Aren't you glad we waited? I don't know. It probably would've been the same. +I don't know. It probably would've been the same. Well, thanks a lot. +Roy? Your clock broke. Nice going, honey. It was brand new. +Nice going, honey. It was brand new. I didn't break your precious clock, Roy! +Now where are you going? To the bathroom, where do you think? +To the bathroom, where do you think? Have I done the right thing? +Hey, sweetheart, will you CUT THAT OUT!!! Uuuuuuugh!! +Uuuuuuugh!! What's the matter, dear? +Is it a star? It is a star! That's great. You're very good. +Ready? What is it? Ummm -- figure eight? +Ummm -- figure eight? Incredible! Five for five. You're not cheating on me here, are you? +Incredible! Five for five. You're not cheating on me here, are you? No. They're just coming to me. +No. They're just coming to me. Well, you're doing great. Keep it up. +Well, I guess some people have it and some don't. Do you think I have it, Dr. Venkman? +Do you think I have it, Dr. Venkman? Definitely. I think you may be a very gifted telepath. +Okay. Just give me a second here. I have to leave now but if you've got some time I'd like you to come back this evening and do some more work with me. Eight o'clock? +Eight o'clock? "I was just going to say ""eight."" You're fantastic!" +Oh, Dana, it's you ... Hi, Louis. +Hi, Louis. ... I thought it was the drug store. +... I thought it was the drug store. Are you sick, Louis? +"Oh, no, I feel great. I just ordered some more vitamins. I see you were exercising. So was I. I taped ""20 Minute Workout"" and played it back at high speed so it only took ten minutes and I got a really good workout. You wanna have a mineral water with me?" No thanks, Louis. I'm really tired. I've been rehearsing all morning. +No thanks, Louis. I'm really tired. I've been rehearsing all morning. Okay. I'll take a raincheck. I always have plenty of mineral water and other nutritious health foods, but you know that. Listen, that reminds me, I'm having a party for all my clients. It's gonna be my fourth anniversary as an accountant. I know you fill out your own tax return, but I'd like you to come being that you're my next door neighbor and all ... +Okay. I'll take a raincheck. I always have plenty of mineral water and other nutritious health foods, but you know that. Listen, that reminds me, I'm having a party for all my clients. It's gonna be my fourth anniversary as an accountant. I know you fill out your own tax return, but I'd like you to come being that you're my next door neighbor and all ... Oh, that's nice, Louis. I'll stop by if I'm around. +Oh, that's nice, Louis. I'll stop by if I'm around. You know you shouldn't leave your TV on so loud when you go out. That creep down the hall phoned the manager. +You know you shouldn't leave your TV on so loud when you go out. That creep down the hall phoned the manager. I thought I turned it off. I guess I forgot. +Oh, Dana, it's you. Hi, Louis. +Hi, Louis. Hey, it's crazy in here. You're missing a classic party. +Hey, it's crazy in here. You're missing a classic party. Well, actually Louis I have a friend coming by. +Well, actually Louis I have a friend coming by. Great! Bring her, too. But you better hurry. I made nachos with non-fat cheese and they're almost gone. I'll make some more though. +Great! Bring her, too. But you better hurry. I made nachos with non-fat cheese and they're almost gone. I'll make some more though. Fine, Louis. We'll stop in for a drink. +Fine, Louis. We'll stop in for a drink. I got the Twister game for later ... +Are you the Gatekeeper? I am Zuul. +Oh, sure. I'm getting used to this. I'm innocent! Honest, Dana. I never touched you. Not that I remember anyway. +I'm innocent! Honest, Dana. I never touched you. Not that I remember anyway. All right, what happened to me? +Hello. I'm Peter Venkman. May I help you? Yes ... well ... I'm not sure. What I have to say may sound a little ... unusual. +Yes ... well ... I'm not sure. What I have to say may sound a little ... unusual. We're all professionals here, Miss ... +We're all professionals here, Miss ... Barrett. Dana Barrett. +... and then I opened the door again but it was gone. There was nothing there. So what do you think it was? +Why would anyone make up a thing like that? Some people like the attention. Some people are just crazy. +Is that your professional opinion? It's in the stars. +No, just that one word -- Zuul -- but I have no idea what it means. "Spengler, see if you can find the word ""Zuul"" in any of the literature. I'll take Miss Barrett home and check out her apartment." +Have you ever thought of moving out -- at least until this disturbance blows over? No. If I moved out now I'd be acknowledging that what happened was real. I'm not ready to do that. +You play the cello! It's my favorite instrument. Really? Do you have a favorite piece? +Really? Do you have a favorite piece? I'd have to say Prokofiev's third concerto. +I'd have to say Prokofiev's third concerto. That's a violin concerto. +That's a violin concerto. Yeah, but it's got a great cello break. +You really don't act like a scientist. No? What do I act like? +No? What do I act like? Like a used car salesman. +Like a used car salesman. Thanks. What's in there? +That's too bad. What? +What? Nothing. Is that the kitchen? +Uh-huh. Well, let's check it out. +Well, let's check it out. I'll wait here if you don't mind. +You're quite a housekeeper. I told you, I ... +I told you, I ... I know. It happened by itself. +Damn! Are you all right? +Are you all right? Yeah, yeah. +There's nothing there now and I don't get any significant readings. This is terrible. Either there's a monster in my kitchen or I'm completely crazy. +This is terrible. Either there's a monster in my kitchen or I'm completely crazy. If it's any comfort to you, I don't think you're crazy. +If it's any comfort to you, I don't think you're crazy. Thanks. Coming from you that really means a lot to me. +Thanks. Coming from you that really means a lot to me. I'm a qualified psychologist. I've got a degree and everything. I believe that something happened here and I want to do something about it. +I'm a qualified psychologist. I've got a degree and everything. I believe that something happened here and I want to do something about it. All right. What do you want to do? +All right. What do you want to do? I think I should spend the night here. +I think I should spend the night here. That's it. Get out. +That's it. Get out. On a purely scientific basis. +On a purely scientific basis. Out! +Out! I want to help you. +I want to help you. I'll scream. +I'll scream. Don't scream. +Don't scream. Then leave. +Then leave. Okay, okay. But if anything else happens, you have to promise you'll call me. +Okay, okay. But if anything else happens, you have to promise you'll call me. All right. +All right. Okay. Then I'll go. +Okay. Then I'll go. Goodbye. +Goodbye. No kiss? +Great rehearsal. You heard it? +You heard it? You're the best one in your row. +You're the best one in your row. Most people can't hear me with the whole orchestra playing. You're good. +Most people can't hear me with the whole orchestra playing. You're good. I don't have to take abuse from you. I have other people dying to give it to me. +I don't have to take abuse from you. I have other people dying to give it to me. I know. You're quite a celebrity these days. Are you here because you have info ... about my case? +I know. You're quite a celebrity these days. Are you here because you have info ... about my case? Who's the stiff? +Who's the stiff? "The ""stiff?"" He happens to be one of the finest musicians in the world and a wonderful man." +"The ""stiff?"" He happens to be one of the finest musicians in the world and a wonderful man." Is he dying or something? +He is a very close friend. Do you have some explanation of what happened in my apartment? Yes, but I have to tell you in private at a fine restaurant. +Yes, but I have to tell you in private at a fine restaurant. Can't you tell me now? +Can't you tell me now? "I'll cancel the reservation, I found the name ""Zuul"" in ... The Roylance Guide to Secret Societies and Sects. I don't suppose you've read it." +"I'll cancel the reservation, I found the name ""Zuul"" in ... The Roylance Guide to Secret Societies and Sects. I don't suppose you've read it." You must have gotten the last copy. +You must have gotten the last copy. Well, the name Zuul refers to a demi-god worshipped around 6000 B.C. by the ... What's that say? +Well, the name Zuul refers to a demi-god worshipped around 6000 B.C. by the ... What's that say? "Hittites, the Mesopotamians and the Sumerians. ""Zuul was the Minion of Gozer.""" +"Hittites, the Mesopotamians and the Sumerians. ""Zuul was the Minion of Gozer.""" """Gozer"" -- he was very big in the Sumerian religion. One of their gods." +"""Gozer"" -- he was very big in the Sumerian religion. One of their gods." What's he doing in my refrigerator. +What's he doing in my refrigerator. I'm checking on that. I think we should meet Thursday night at nine to talk about it. +I'm checking on that. I think we should meet Thursday night at nine to talk about it. I don't think so. I'm busy Thursday night. +I don't think so. I'm busy Thursday night. You think I enjoy giving up my evenings to spend time with clients? I'm making an exception because I respect you as an artist and as a dresser. +You think I enjoy giving up my evenings to spend time with clients? I'm making an exception because I respect you as an artist and as a dresser. All right. Since you put it that way. +All right. Since you put it that way. I'll pick you up at your place. I'll bring along the Roylance Guide -- we can read after we eat. +I'll pick you up at your place. I'll bring along the Roylance Guide -- we can read after we eat. I've got to go now. +Hey, Dana. What is it? What happened? I am Zuul. I am the Gatekeeper. +We must prepare for the coming of Gozer. Okay, I'll help you. Should we make some dip or something? +Okay, I'll help you. Should we make some dip or something? He is the Destructor. +He is the Destructor. Really? Can't wait to meet him. As long as we're waiting for him, I'd really like to try something with you -- in the bedroom. +Do you want this body? Well, I'll just use it for a while and get it right back to you. +Well, I'll just use it for a while and get it right back to you. Take me now. +Actually, it's more of a policy than a rule. I want you inside me. +I want you inside me. I don't know. You've got two people in there already. It could get a little crowded. I want you to close your eyes and relax. Now I'm going to speak to Dana and I want Dana to answer. +I don't know. You've got two people in there already. It could get a little crowded. I want you to close your eyes and relax. Now I'm going to speak to Dana and I want Dana to answer. I am Zuul. I am ... +I am Zuul. I am ... Right ... You're the Gatekeeper. But I want Dana. Dana, speak to me ... +Right ... You're the Gatekeeper. But I want Dana. Dana, speak to me ... There is no Dana. I am Zuul. +There is no Dana. I am Zuul. Whoa!! Nice voice. +Nothing! We just got rid of that thing in your kitchen. Really! Is it gone? +Really! Is it gone? Yeah, along with most of your furniture and a lot of your personal possessions. This one took some work. +Yeah, along with most of your furniture and a lot of your personal possessions. This one took some work. Thank you. Next time I want to break a lease I'll know who to call. +This is going to cost you, you know. Our fees are ridiculously high. Talk to my accountant. +I trust you're moving us to a better space somewhere on campus. No, we're moving you OFF CAMPUS. The Board of Regents has decided to terminate your grant. You are to vacate these premises immediately. +No, we're moving you OFF CAMPUS. The Board of Regents has decided to terminate your grant. You are to vacate these premises immediately. This is preposterous! I demand an explanation. +This is preposterous! I demand an explanation. Fine. This University will no longer continue any funding of any kind for your group's activities. +Fine. This University will no longer continue any funding of any kind for your group's activities. But why? The students love us! +But why? The students love us! "Dr. Venkman, we believe that the purpose of science is to serve mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of ""dodge"" or ""hustle."" Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy and your conclusions are highly questionable. You're a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman, and you have no place in this department or in this University." +"Dr. Venkman, we believe that the purpose of science is to serve mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of ""dodge"" or ""hustle."" Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy and your conclusions are highly questionable. You're a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman, and you have no place in this department or in this University." I see. +That is one speedy mutt. He's a big one. You don't want to mess with that particular breed. +He's a big one. You don't want to mess with that particular breed. Definitely some sort of fighting Spaniel, I think. +Well, that definitely looks like marshmallow to me. Yeah, it's some kind of mallow-type substance - that's for sure. +Yeah, it's some kind of mallow-type substance - that's for sure. You have to wonder why anybody would dump a marshmallow that size right in the middle of the street. +You have to wonder why anybody would dump a marshmallow that size right in the middle of the street. I wonder if there might not be a very large cup of hot chocolate somewhere in the area. +I wonder if there might not be a very large cup of hot chocolate somewhere in the area. That would definitely explain it. +Hello, I'm Roger Delacorte - the Head Librarian. Are you the men from the University? Yes. I'm Dr. Venkman and this is Dr. Stantz. +Yes. I'm Dr. Venkman and this is Dr. Stantz. Thank you for coming. I'd appreciate it if we could take care of this quickly and quietly. +Thank you for coming. I'd appreciate it if we could take care of this quickly and quietly. One thing at a time. We don't even know what it is yet. +What's that got to do with it? Back off, man! I'm a scientist! +Did you see it? What was it? We'll get back to you. +You're very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot, too. Print is dead. +Print is dead. That's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual. But I think reading is a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play racketball. Do you ever play? +That's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual. But I think reading is a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play racketball. Do you ever play? Is that a game? +Is that a game? It's a great game! You should play sometime. I bet you'd be good. You seem very athletic. Do you have any hobbies? +It's a great game! You should play sometime. I bet you'd be good. You seem very athletic. Do you have any hobbies? I collect spores, molds and fungus. +I collect spores, molds and fungus. Oh, that's very - unusual. +Oh, that's very - unusual. I think it's the food of the future. +I think it's the food of the future. Remind me not to go to lunch with you. +Egon, there's something very strange about that man. I'm very psychic usually and right now I have this terrible feeling that something awful is going to happen to you. I'm afraid you're going to die. Die in what sense? +Die in what sense? In the physical sense. +In the physical sense. I don't care. I see us as tiny parts of a vast organism, like two bacteria living on a rotting speck of dust floating in an infinite void. +I don't care. I see us as tiny parts of a vast organism, like two bacteria living on a rotting speck of dust floating in an infinite void. That's so romantic. +I want you to have this. What is it? +What is it? It's a souvenir from the 1964 World's Fair at Flushing Meadow. It's my lucky coin. +It's a souvenir from the 1964 World's Fair at Flushing Meadow. It's my lucky coin. I don't believe in luck. +I don't believe in luck. Keep it anyway. I have another one at home. +Keep it anyway. I have another one at home. Thank you. +Why don't you step into the office and we'll talk about it. Hold all my calls, Janine. What calls? +Here's the paper on the Brooklyn job. She paid with a Visa card. Here are tonight's calls. +And someone from the EPA is here to see you. The EPA? What's he want? +The EPA? What's he want? I didn't ask him. All I know is that I haven't had a break in two weeks and you promised you'd hire more help. +I didn't ask him. All I know is that I haven't had a break in two weeks and you promised you'd hire more help. Janine, I'm sure a woman with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top flight job in the housekeeping or food service industry. +Janine, I'm sure a woman with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top flight job in the housekeeping or food service industry. Oh, really? Well, I've quit better jobs than this one, believe me. +Thank you for coming so quickly. The guests are starting to ask questions and I'm running out of excuses. Has this ever happened before? +Has this ever happened before? Well, most of the original staff knows about the twelfth floor ... The disturbances, I mean ... But it's been quiet for years ... Up until two weeks ago ... It was never ever this bad, though. +Well, most of the original staff knows about the twelfth floor ... The disturbances, I mean ... But it's been quiet for years ... Up until two weeks ago ... It was never ever this bad, though. Did you ever report it to anyone? +Did you ever report it to anyone? Heavens, no! The owners don't like us to even talk about it. I hoped we could take care of this quietly tonight. +Heavens, no! The owners don't like us to even talk about it. I hoped we could take care of this quietly tonight. Yes, sir. Don't worry. We handle this kind of thing all the time. +Can I help you? I'm Walter Peck. I represent the Environmental Protection Agency, Third District. +I'm Walter Peck. I represent the Environmental Protection Agency, Third District. Great! How's it going? +Great! How's it going? Are you Peter Venkman? +Are you Peter Venkman? Yes, I'm Doctor Venkman. +Exactly what are you a doctor of, Mr. Venkman? I have Ph.D's in psychology and parapsychology. +I have Ph.D's in psychology and parapsychology. I see. And now you catch ghosts? +I see. And now you catch ghosts? You could say that. +You could say that. And how many ghosts have you caught, Mr. Venkman? +And how many ghosts have you caught, Mr. Venkman? I'm not at liberty to say. +I'm not at liberty to say. And where do you put these ghosts once you catch them? +And where do you put these ghosts once you catch them? In a storage facility. +In a storage facility. And would this storage facility be located on these premises? +And would this storage facility be located on these premises? Yes, it would. +Yes, it would. And may I see this storage facility? +And may I see this storage facility? No, you may not. +No, you may not. And why not, Mr. Venkman? +And why not, Mr. Venkman? Because you didn't say the magic word. +Because you didn't say the magic word. And what is the magic word, Mr. Venkman? +And what is the magic word, Mr. Venkman? "The magic word is ""please.""" +May I please see the storage facility? Why do you want to see it? +Why do you want to see it? Well, because I'm curious. I want to know more about what you do here. Frankly, there have been a lot of wild stories in the media and we want to assess any possible environmental impact from your operation. For instance, the storage of noxious, possibly hazardous waste materials in your basement. Now either you show me what's down there or I come back with a court order. +Well, because I'm curious. I want to know more about what you do here. Frankly, there have been a lot of wild stories in the media and we want to assess any possible environmental impact from your operation. For instance, the storage of noxious, possibly hazardous waste materials in your basement. Now either you show me what's down there or I come back with a court order. Go ahead! Get a court order. Then I'm gonna sue your ass off for wrongful prosecution. +Go ahead! Get a court order. Then I'm gonna sue your ass off for wrongful prosecution. Have it your way, Mr. Venkman. +Have it your way, Mr. Venkman. Hey! Make yourself useful! Go save a tree! +At ease, Officers. I'm Peter Venkman. I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding here and I want to cooperate in every way I can. Forget it, Venkman. You had your chance to cooperate but you thought it was more fun to insult me. Now it's my turn, smart-ass. +You turned off the power! Look, there was another man here ... You have to find him and bring him back. A short determined-looking guy with the eyes of a happy zombie. See! They are using drugs. +The man is a psychopath, Your Honor. Probably a mixture of gases, no doubt stolen from the Army ... +Mr. Mayor, it's a pretty simple choice. You can believe Mr. Pecker here ... "That's ""Peck!""" +"That's ""Peck!""" ... or you can accept the fact that this city is heading for a disaster of really Biblical proportions. +All right. What is it? A square? +A square? Good guess -- but no. +Circle? Close -- but definitely wrong. +Nervous? Yes. I don't like this. +Yes. I don't like this. Well, just 75 more to go. What's this one? +Well, just 75 more to go. What's this one? Two wavy lines? +Two wavy lines? Sorry. This isn't your day. +Hey! I'm getting a little tired of this. You volunteered, didn't you? Aren't we paying you for this? +You volunteered, didn't you? Aren't we paying you for this? Yeah, but I didn't know you were going to give me electric shocks. What are you trying to prove? +Yeah, but I didn't know you were going to give me electric shocks. What are you trying to prove? I'm studying the effect of negative reinforcement on ESP ability. +I'm studying the effect of negative reinforcement on ESP ability. I'll tell you the effect! It pisses me off! +I'll tell you the effect! It pisses me off! Then my theory was correct. +Hey, Mister! Can I see those guns? They're not guns. They're particle throwers. +They're not guns. They're particle throwers. Yeah, yeah. I just want to see 'em. +Yeah, yeah. I just want to see 'em. I couldn't do that. You might hurt someone. +Wait! Wait! Let me ask you something. If you like shot Superman with those guns, would he feel it or what? On Earth -- no. But on Krypton we could slice him up like Oscar Mayer Bologna. +On Earth -- no. But on Krypton we could slice him up like Oscar Mayer Bologna. Wow! +Yes? Were you recently in the bathroom? +Were you recently in the bathroom? What on earth gave you that idea? +What on earth gave you that idea? The wet towels, residual moisture on your lower limbs and hair, the redness in your cheeks indicating ... +The wet towels, residual moisture on your lower limbs and hair, the redness in your cheeks indicating ... You're a regular Sherlock Holmes. Now what do you want? +You're a regular Sherlock Holmes. Now what do you want? When you were in the bathroom, did you notice anything that was yellow and unusually smelly? +Oh! You're here. What have you got, Egon? +What have you got, Egon? Oh, this is big, Peter. This is very big. There's definitely something here. +Oh, this is big, Peter. This is very big. There's definitely something here. Egon, somehow this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole in your head. Do you remember that? +Spengler, are you serious about actually catching a ghost? I'm always serious. +I'm always serious. Wow! +Just for your information, Ray, the interest payments alone for the first five years come to over $75,000. Will you guys relax? We are on the threshold of establishing the indispensable defense science of the next decade - Professional Paranormal Investigations and Eliminations. The franchise rights alone will make us wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. +Generally, you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance. What do you think, Egon? She's telling the truth -- or at least she thinks she is. +Did you see anything? Didn't see anything, Didn't get anything. Nice girl - no ghost. I'm starting to worry. You said your graph was pointing to something big. You told me things were going to start popping. +Something was definitely here. Yeah, I can smell it. +Wait! Wait! There's something I forgot to tell you. What? +What? Don't cross the beams. +Don't cross the beams. Why not? +Why not? Trust me. It will be bad. +Trust me. It will be bad. "What do you mean ""bad?""" +"What do you mean ""bad?""" It's hard to explain, but try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and finding yourself confined forever in another dimension. +It's Peter, Egon. I've got a problem. What is it? +What is it? I'm with Dana Barrett and she's floating three feet off the bed. +I'm with Dana Barrett and she's floating three feet off the bed. Does she want to be? +Does she want to be? I don't think so. It's more of that Gozer thing. She says she's the Gatekeeper. Does that make any sense to you? +I don't think so. It's more of that Gozer thing. She says she's the Gatekeeper. Does that make any sense to you? Some. I just met the Keymaster. He's here with me now. Venkman? Are you there? +Some. I just met the Keymaster. He's here with me now. Venkman? Are you there? Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking. It probably wouldn't be a good idea for them to get together at this point. +Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking. It probably wouldn't be a good idea for them to get together at this point. I agree. +I agree. You have to keep him there. Do whatever you have to, but don't let him leave, He could be very dangerous. +All right. I'll try. I'll spend the night here and get back first thing in the morning. +I'll spend the night here and get back first thing in the morning. All right, Peter. Good night. +He wants to shut down the storage grid. If you turn that thing off we won't be responsible for the consequences. +Where's the Keymaster? Oh, shit! +Of course! Ivo Shandor, I saw his name in Tobin's SPIRIT GUIDE. He started a secret society in 1920. Let me guess -- Gozer Worshippers. +Let me guess -- Gozer Worshippers. Yes. After the First World War Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive. And he wasn't alone. He had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals, bizarre rituals, intended to bring about the end of the world. +Yes. After the First World War Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive. And he wasn't alone. He had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals, bizarre rituals, intended to bring about the end of the world. "She said he was ""the Destructor.""" +"She said he was ""the Destructor.""" Who? +Who? Gozer. +Gozer. You talked to Gozer? +You talked to Gozer? Get a grip on yourself, Egon. I talked to Dana Barrett and she referred to Gozer as the Destructor. +What now? Full-stream with strogon pulse. +On the count of three! One ... Two ... No! Them! Shoot them! Cross the beams. +No! You said crossing the beams would be BAD. It'll kill her! And us! Life is just a state of mind. +Life is just a state of mind. But it's my favorite state. +You know, Peter, this could be a past life experience intruding on the present. Or even a race memory, stored in the collective unconscious. And I wouldn't rule out clairvoyance or telepathic contact either. +I just realized something. We've never had a completely successful test with any of the equipment. I blame myself. +Sorry, Buddy! We'd better adjust our streams. +Ray! Where are you? Are you all right? God, it's ugly! +It's working! Easy ... Easy ... I'm going to throw in my trap now. +Set entry grid. Neutronize. System shut. +I've got to sleep. I need two new purge valves. How's the grid around the storage facility holding up? +I need two new purge valves. How's the grid around the storage facility holding up? I'm worried, Ray. It's getting crowded in there. And all my recent data points to something big on the bottom. +What happened??!!!? The storage facility blew. This one ... ... shut off the protection grid. +Look at the structure of the roof cap. It looks exactly like the kind of telemetry tracker NASA uses to identify dead pulsars in other galaxies. And look at this, Peter Cold-riveted girders with selenium cores. +You mean if I stand here and concentrate on the image of Roberto Clemente, Gozer will appear as Roberto Clemente and wipe us out? That appears to be the case. +Excuse me for a minute. Ray, I'm right in the middle of something here. Can you come back in about an hour? Peter, at 1:40 this afternoon at the main branch of the New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue, ten people witnessed a free-roaming, vaporous, full-torso apparition. It blew books from shelves at twenty feet away. Scared the socks off some poor librarian. +Peter, at 1:40 this afternoon at the main branch of the New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue, ten people witnessed a free-roaming, vaporous, full-torso apparition. It blew books from shelves at twenty feet away. Scared the socks off some poor librarian. Sure. That's great, Ray. I think you should get down there right away and check it out. Let me know what happens. +Sure. That's great, Ray. I think you should get down there right away and check it out. Let me know what happens. No, this one's for real, Peter. Spengler went down there and took some PKE readings. Right off the top of the scale. Buried the needle. We're close this time. I can feel it. +Spengler and I have charted every psychic occurrence in the Tri-State area for the past two years. The graph we came up with definitely points to something big. Ray, as your friend I have to tell you I think you've really gone around the bend on this ghost stuff. You've been running your ass off for two years checking out every schizo in the Five Boroughs who thinks he's had an experience. And what have you seen? +Ray, as your friend I have to tell you I think you've really gone around the bend on this ghost stuff. You've been running your ass off for two years checking out every schizo in the Five Boroughs who thinks he's had an experience. And what have you seen? "What do you mean by ""seen?""" +"What do you mean by ""seen?""" Looked at with your eyes. +Looked at with your eyes. Well, I was at an unexplained multiple high-altitude rockfall once. +Well, I was at an unexplained multiple high-altitude rockfall once. Uh-huh. I've heard about the rockfall, Ray. I think you've been spending too much time with Spengler. +What is it? It looks like a big pair of breasts and a pot belly. +I told you it's real. What do we do now? +What do we do now? I don't know. Talk to it. +I don't know. Talk to it. What do I say? +What do I say? Anything! Just make contact. +Anything! Just make contact. Hey, Lady? Lady! Can you talk? Who are you? This is not working. Think of something else. +Hey, Lady? Lady! Can you talk? Who are you? This is not working. Think of something else. Okay. Okay. I got it. I know what to do. Stay close. I have a plan. +"""Get her?"" That was your whole plan? You call that science?" I guess I got a little overexcited. Wasn't it incredible! I'm telling you, this is a first. You know what this could mean to the University? +I guess I got a little overexcited. Wasn't it incredible! I'm telling you, this is a first. You know what this could mean to the University? Oh, yeah. This could be bigger than the microchip. They'll probably throw out the entire engineering department and turn their building over to us. We're probably the first serious scientists to ever molest a dead old lady. +If you guys are right, if we can actually trap a ghost and hold it somehow, I think I could win the Nobel Prize. If anyone deserves it, it's Spengler and me. We're doing all the hard research and designing the equipment. +If anyone deserves it, it's Spengler and me. We're doing all the hard research and designing the equipment. Yeah, but I introduced you guys. You never would've met if not for me. That's got to be worth something. +You said you floored 'em at the Regents' meeting. Ray, I apologize. I guess my confidence in the Regents was misplaced. They did this to Galileo, too. +This is like a major disgrace. Forget M.I.T. or Stanford now ... they wouldn't touch us with a three-meter cattle prod. You're always so worried about your reputation. We don't need the University. Einstein did his best stuff while he was working as a patent clerk.'They can't stop progress. +You're always so worried about your reputation. We don't need the University. Einstein did his best stuff while he was working as a patent clerk.'They can't stop progress. Do you know what a patent clerk makes? I liked the University. They gave us money, they gave us the facilities and we didn't have to produce anything! I've worked in the private sector. They expect results. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there. +Do you know what a patent clerk makes? I liked the University. They gave us money, they gave us the facilities and we didn't have to produce anything! I've worked in the private sector. They expect results. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there. Let me tell you, Ray, everything in life happens for a reason. Call it fate, call it luck, Karma, whatever. I think we were destined to get kicked out of there. +Let me tell you, Ray, everything in life happens for a reason. Call it fate, call it luck, Karma, whatever. I think we were destined to get kicked out of there. For what purpose? +For what purpose? To go into business for ourselves. +You'll never regret this, Ray. My parents left me that house, I was born there. +My parents left me that house, I was born there. You're not going to lose the house. Everybody has three mortgages these days. +You're not going to lose the house. Everybody has three mortgages these days. But at nineteen percent interest! You didn't even bargain with the guy. +But most people are afraid to even report these things. Maybe. But no one ever advertised before. +Wow! Does this pole still work? "This might do ... I don't know ... it just seems kind of ""pricey"" for a fixer-upper, don't you think? We're trying to keep our costs down. You know how it is when you're starting a new company." +Everybody can relax. I found the car. How do you like it? Do you think it's wide enough? How much? +Do you think it's wide enough? How much? Fourteen hundred. +Why don't I check out the building? It may have a history of psychic turbulence. Good idea. Were any other words spoken that you remember? +How was your date? It wasn't a date. It was an investigation. +They will. Do you know when that might be? We're on the brink of a very serious cash-flow problem. +So do I. No sense worrying about it now. +No sense worrying about it now. Sure. Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on our back. No problem. +I'm getting high readings near the air vents. It must be using the duct system to get around. See, I told you we'd get something. So far all we got is a shit smell on the twelfth floor and we almost fried a Puerto Rican bellboy. +So far all we got is a shit smell on the twelfth floor and we almost fried a Puerto Rican bellboy. All right. Let's cool the negative vibes. These things can sense them. +Ray -- Something's here. Where are you, Pete? +Where are you, Pete? Third floor. Get down here, +Third floor. Get down here, Sit tight. I'm on my way. +Sit tight. I'm on my way. Well, hurry up. The needle's going wild. +It's here, Ray. It's looking at me. Don't move. It won't hurt you. +Don't move. It won't hurt you. How do you know? +How do you know? I don't know. I'm just guessing. +Boy, that was a rough one. I can't take much more of this. The pace is killing me. +Egon, how's the grid around the storage facility holding up? It's not good, Pete. +I guess they don't build them like they used to, huh? No! Nobody ever built them like this! The architect was either an authentic whacko or a certified genius. The whole building is like a huge antenna for pulling in and concentrating psychokinetic energy. +No! Nobody ever built them like this! The architect was either an authentic whacko or a certified genius. The whole building is like a huge antenna for pulling in and concentrating psychokinetic energy. Who was the architect? +Who was the architect? He's listed on the blueprints as I. Shandor. +It doesn't seem to have slowed him down any. I don't think it's Shandor. +As a duly-constituted representative of the City of New York, and on behalf of the County and State of New York, the United States of America, the Planet Earth and all its inhabitants, I hereby order you to cease and desist any and all supernatural activity and return at once to your place of origin or next parallel dimension. Well, that ought to do it. +Agile bastard, isn't he? Forget the trapping! Just blast him! +I couldn't help it! It just popped in there! What? What popped in there? +What? What popped in there? Look! +AND YOU CAME UP WITH THAT? The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man! He was on all the packages we used to buy when I was a kid. We used to roast Stay-Puft marshmallows at Camp Waconda! +The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man! He was on all the packages we used to buy when I was a kid. We used to roast Stay-Puft marshmallows at Camp Waconda! Great! The marshmallows are about to get their revenge. +Very impressive resume. Electronic countermeasures, Strategic Air Command ... Black belt in Karate ... Small arms expert ... Mr. Zeddemore, as you may have heard, we locate ghosts and spirits, trap them with streams of concentrated quantum energy and remove them from people's homes, offices and places of worship. Yeah, I heard that. Now tell me what you really do. +Hey man. What is it you're so involved with there? Uh ... Oh these are blueprints of the structural ironwork in Dana Barrett's apartment building ... And they're most unusual. +Uh ... Oh these are blueprints of the structural ironwork in Dana Barrett's apartment building ... And they're most unusual. Are you a Christian, Ray? +Are you a Christian, Ray? Mmmhmmm. +Mmmhmmm. Me, too. +Me, too. Boy! Solid cores of shielded Selenium .325. +Boy! Solid cores of shielded Selenium .325. Do you believe in God? +Do you believe in God? No. But I liked Jesus' style. +No. But I liked Jesus' style. Me, too. Parts of the Bible are great. +Me, too. Parts of the Bible are great. The whole roof cap was fabricated with a magnesium-tungsten alloy. +The whole roof cap was fabricated with a magnesium-tungsten alloy. Ray, do you remember something in the Bible about a day when the dead would rise up from their graves? +Ray, do you remember something in the Bible about a day when the dead would rise up from their graves? And the seas would boil ... +And the seas would boil ... Right. And the sky would fall ... +Right. And the sky would fall ... Judgement Day ... +Judgement Day ... Yeah, Judgement Day. +Yeah, Judgement Day. Every ancient religion had its own myth about the end of the world. +Every ancient religion had its own myth about the end of the world. Well, has it ever occurred to you that the reason you've been so busy lately is because the dead have been rising from their graves? +You don't have to worry about that with us, sir. Right. We'll believe anything. +Stantz? You okay in there? LATER, MAN!! +What's he talking about? Choose what? "What do you mean ""choose?"" We don't understand." +Where are we now, Commodus? Can you see the camp? My Gods! The air is turning into ice! We're nearly there, Lucilla. +We're nearly there, Lucilla. That's what you told me two days ago! +That's what you told me two days ago! Will you please get back in your wagon? And stay there? +Will you please get back in your wagon? And stay there? I'm tired of being stuck in that wagon. +More wine, sister? Surely you can drink more than that. I was suddenly thinking about going to bed. +I was suddenly thinking about going to bed. Oh, stay... Don't you want to join the chorus of praises for Narcissus' glory? Just remember, he is a married man. +Quite so. Narcissus and his courageous men; may they live long to serve Rome... And Caesar! Let's not forget to serve Caesar! +Don't you think you should at least wave? Why? Then they'll notice when I'm gone. Well. I'm making a public appearance aren't I? +They hate me, they really hate me don't they? Maybe you should get married. Pick one of your cousins, it would demonstrate a profound stability. +I should at least have you, don't you think? If you get me pregnant with a boy he'll be a double direct heir and will end up killing you for the throne. +Did Narcissus die today? Wasn't this his day to die? I'm sure, I don't know. +No one in Rome has ever heard of him. Do you want to remind those few in the Senate who have? The whole sordid thing is far beneath your position to begin with. Forget about him. Let some time pass... then ask, quietly, without anyone knowing it comes from me. +Those are priceless sculptures. I want every single thing that belonged to my father out of this house! If it's worth something then sell it! +It's disgusting! Animals! I had to come here under armed guard. Slaves -- get this junk out of my sight. Commodus is heaving out every thing that belonged to our father. Except that he can't heave out his ghost. +How about in the forum. Right in front of the Senate. If I may be so bold... +If I may be so bold... For the gods, spit it out! +For the gods, spit it out! Why not do it in the Colosseum? +Kill him! Tribuus -- execute that bastard. You can't do that! You came here to turn the crowd around not make them hate you. +Tribuus... tomorrow. You're coming back? +You're coming back? I have to come back. If I don't come back the people will think I'm a coward. Tribuus, tomorrow he dies -- I want his blood on the sand. Do you understand? +Where have you been? Taking my pleasure. Do I need to clear my lovers with you? +Taking my pleasure. Do I need to clear my lovers with you? You must start clearing everything with me -- especially your lovers. +You must start clearing everything with me -- especially your lovers. Why are you so surly -- you've won, brother. The people have bread and the city is quiet. +Why are you so surly -- you've won, brother. The people have bread and the city is quiet. What is that... wailing? +What is that... wailing? The fans of Narcissus. They were on vigil outside the school of Proximo. They believe he's dying. +Now that is a happy sound! Tomorrow, I want the citizens -- my people -- back in the arena. The Gods know, I'm tired. Come to bed, now; tonight we're celebrating. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Now that we're done with that infatuation forever. +Now that we're done with that infatuation forever. If I ever loved Narcissus it wasn't like you want. +If I ever loved Narcissus it wasn't like you want. But I get what I want, always, don't I? +"""... encased in the armor of a demigod, Narcissus The Good continues his impossible climb in the arena where he was unjustly cast...""" Yes? Go on! +Yes? Go on! """... by the emperor of Rome. This writer asks: between a Senate that debates truth until they choke, an Emperor who has the birth sign of a woman, is it possible there is more virtue within the arena than without?""" +Tell Lykas to send a retiarius and a Samnite to help Tiger. You can't do that... listen to the mood of the crowd. +You can't do that... listen to the mood of the crowd. I want that bastard dead! +I want that bastard dead! You want control of the crowd -- you can't get it by killing their hero. +You want control of the crowd -- you can't get it by killing their hero. I am their hero! +I am their hero! Not yet, dear brother... +Not yet, dear brother... Send them out! +Lykas, pick a man. Someone who will look good. Jerses I want it built up in the Daily Action... Do you want posters, too? +Damn him! I should have killed him on the front -- I let you talk me out of that. You would have had a full scale revolt on your hands. +You would have had a full scale revolt on your hands. What have I got now? It's exactly as if there were two emperors. Because of this the people have two minds. He is their champion. +Welcome back from your great triumph Narcissus Meridas. My father sends his heart felt praise. Sadly, Marcus is in dark humors -- nothing to worry about, but he needs rest. Likely just the weather. Respectfully Caesar, Quintus and I must report. +Respectfully Caesar, Quintus and I must report. Of course, but not now. However, if he continues to be unwell, you may report to me. +Do you expect Marcus to be well enough by morning for an audience? That's difficult to say, general. +That's difficult to say, general. Perhaps, Master Galen, you may say. +Then you'd be out of a job. Gladly Caesar. +Gladly Caesar. Or perhaps into a new one. But here's to your God and the courage of our legions... +I back Rome against all her enemies -- if that answer disappoints you, I'm not a politician... Oh, but with the army behind you, you could become extremely political. Not a Republican by any chance? +I would say there's nothing more dangerous than a man who knows what 'right' is. The dangerous man, Caesar, is the man who doesn't care. +But they're not destroyed, not yet. Do we really need to repair this fort? It seems like an expensive undertaking. I propose we burn it to the ground. That way if the Germans cross the Danube here there will be nothing to help them build an offensive position. +You and my father have become very close. Perhaps one day I may say the same for us. You flatter me, Caesar. +You flatter me, Caesar. Being as close, I'm certain you've noticed what we all have noticed. +Being as close, I'm certain you've noticed what we all have noticed. Caesar? +Caesar? That this illness has clouded his mind. +I'm ordering a general stand-down in preparation for withdrawal back across the Danube. We have to stop the Germans now! +Forgive me, Caesar, but do two Senator represent the mood of the whole Senate or the will of the Roman people? Besides, every truce we make with the Germans they break! They won't break this one. +They won't break this one. Apparently my opinion wasn't needed. +Where is my family? Cooperate and they will be returned to your estate. I could have executed you. +Cooperate and they will be returned to your estate. I could have executed you. And my army would have thrown your body into the Danube. +The army is a problem. They love you. You have led them from victory to victory in the name of Rome and they love you. And after all, you're just a hothead acting from a misguided sense of loyalty -- who could fault you for that? Thus have I reached a compromise with the Senate over your fate: instead of executing you, I'm sending you to Rome where you will be tried... On what charge? +Endorse me in public. Do that and I'll make you rich and set you free. I'll return your estates. I know you would give anything to be outside again. Endorse me and you will be free. Think of it. What would you do with your freedom? If you set me free I will find my way back to the army, march on Rome and depose you. Then, the army and I will restore the Republic so that animals like you will never control human destinies again. +Insubordination. To the Emperor... and the Senate. Quintus will tell the army that you are being called to Rome to celebrate your victory. They will hear that you are living in luxury. He will let them feel you have betrayed them for the good life. And soon the army won't even remember your name. +The Senate is out to sink you. I swear it, Caesar, your generosity is being repaid with public attacks on your honor. Your enemies want you weak enough so by the first of Janus when you must be confirmed the Senate will be able to deny you. How can they? Who else is there? I have no heir... +Caesar, ignore them. Ignore that?! The sooner we leave this disgusting place the better. +Ignore that?! The sooner we leave this disgusting place the better. At least stay for the running of the animals. You are paying for it you know... +Gods of hell! This must cost a fortune! How many days is this going to go on? Until your confirmation date. +"And like children everywhere they scream ""freedom"" the most when they desire it least. I beg you, please continue, Caesar." At the opening of the month of Janus, I will ask this noble body to confirm my emperorship... +Throw it down into the streets! Down into the Forum. If it's my father they want then give him to them! Yes. You know, that's not a bad idea. +Yes. You know, that's not a bad idea. Maybe it'll crush Gaius. +Maybe it'll crush Gaius. I'm serious. +I'm serious. So am I. +So am I. We can crush Gaius another way. What if you do throw something to the people they really want? Make them a gift of food. +We can crush Gaius another way. What if you do throw something to the people they really want? Make them a gift of food. Give away food? +Give away food? Sacks of grain, even bread. I own the grain licenses for the military, I can arrange to divert a shipment bound for the army of the Danube. +Sacks of grain, even bread. I own the grain licenses for the military, I can arrange to divert a shipment bound for the army of the Danube. Take grain away from the army? +Take grain away from the army? Make a gift to the people. It's your money anyway so it's only fair. +Caesar, let me sponsor your first wager in the arena. I wouldn't know who to bet on. +Gladly, Caesar. And, if you'd like we can take you for a tour of the front at first light. I'm certain father will be in better humors by then. Now, honor us with your presence at dinner. I'll join you as soon as I see my father's physician. +Marcus Aurelius has died. He left us at dawn. +We must obey our emperor and the Senate. I met with Falco, and the Senators have agreed to call for a truce with the Germans. +This is the only place in Rome where I thought -- I believed -- I was wholly in power. Narcissus will never support you, Caesar, he has too much of a philosophical temperament. +It's because he comes off as the underdog. Underdog! How can he be an underdog -- he wins all the time! I'm the emperor why can't I kill him? He could be poisoned, or somehow killed to look like an accident. +Underdog! How can he be an underdog -- he wins all the time! I'm the emperor why can't I kill him? He could be poisoned, or somehow killed to look like an accident. You don't want to kill him. If anything happens to him now you will be blamed... and he knows it. Besides, that gladiator school is a fortress. It would take the army to break in there. What you want is to... offer him the wooden sword. If he takes it, he's no longer the champion of the people, is he? He's gone. And you are a hero for awarding it. +Where is my father? Where is the emperor and the army, soldier? +Tribuus, what happened in the arena? Was Narcissus killed? He must have been. He was on the list of prisoners to be executed. +Why isn't he dead? Damn you, you promised me he would be dead! Caesar, I did my best. The Colosseum isn't under my control... +Yes, Caesar? Jerses -- tomorrow... +Tribuus! Go left here, I want to see my new statue at Via Claudia. Yes, Caesar. +Yes, Caesar. We need more statues -- perhaps I should open medical clinics. For the poor. Citizens only, though... +You won an impossible fight. You got the attention of the crowd, legate... This is Cos, this precocious young man. A scribe for the Daily Action. I've invited him to write a small piece about you... +This is Cos, this precocious young man. A scribe for the Daily Action. I've invited him to write a small piece about you... I'm mentioning you in tomorrow's athlete's section, legate. So, I'd love to know your birth sign; it effects how people bet. And perhaps you could tell me a bit about... well, who are you? +"""Caesar Commodus discovering his lineage converges with the Demigod, Hercules, has determined to display his magnificence before his beloved citizens."" The Emperor's going to fight in the arena. I'm supposed to write this for tomorrow's edition." Commodus... he's a gladiator... is he mad? +Cos, what in hades is the emperor up to? And don't tell me you don't know! I don't know... +I don't know... AGH! Please! He's having a secret device constructed for the circus. The brass craftsmen are working overtime. +AGH! Please! He's having a secret device constructed for the circus. The brass craftsmen are working overtime. I'll nose around... +I'll nose around... You know there were riots last night. Now the unrest has started again and Commodus has sent for an army division. You understand what you are doing... +So tell me, what happened between you and the emperor? What really happened on the German front? You know the Senate's arguing your case... That's their job, isn't it? To argue. So, I think my case will be long on talk and short on action. +That's their job, isn't it? To argue. So, I think my case will be long on talk and short on action. I am prepared to write anything you tell me. +My birth sign is Water Bearer, twenty-fifth day in the month of Janus. The exact month when the Emperor must be confirmed! +The Emperor and I are bound by the threads of The Fates. He was born on August thirty-first, you know. That makes his birth sign... Virgo! Why that's the sign of a little girl! Can you tell my readers more about your star-crossed connection with Emperor Commodus? +That makes his birth sign... Virgo! Why that's the sign of a little girl! Can you tell my readers more about your star-crossed connection with Emperor Commodus? Proximo, we need to talk about my one third... I imagine the betting booths will be doing good business. And, what was the name of that olive oil company? +It's time for you to tell the Citizens that Commodus stole the money allocated for defending the German border. It's time to tell the citizens everything. Will you write it? Yes, because I know they'll read it. +The battle was won, today, and I prefer to believe it was a gift of Janus, the eldest God of Rome. God of my ancestors. God of passages and changes? +God of passages and changes? I believe we are arriving in an enlightened age; an age of peace that will bring Rome her greatest glory. Thanks to Marcus Aurelius. +I believe we are arriving in an enlightened age; an age of peace that will bring Rome her greatest glory. Thanks to Marcus Aurelius. You know, general, there is a Gate of Janus in Rome which is only closed in time of peace. Sadly, it has remained open for three hundred years. +You know, general, there is a Gate of Janus in Rome which is only closed in time of peace. Sadly, it has remained open for three hundred years. I've read of it. +I've read of it. But have never been? +But have never been? My only visits to Rome, Senator, have been through books. But the war's over, time to close the door of war once and for all. +I would venture, with all respect: the Emperor's health is the business of every soul in the empire. Yes! The days of Imperial Prerogative and disdain for the Senate are over -- thanks to your father! Now report to the Senate, Master Galen: what is Marcus' state? +A republican is a man who strives to create equality among all classes. At the core he's a man who believes in doing what's right. The trouble is defining exactly what 'right' is. +The trouble is defining exactly what 'right' is. We all know what right is, Senator. +The Senate too? The moment you returned from the battle your options were clear. If you are a friend to neither side, legate, you must be an enemy to both. We needed to know what you believed. +The moment you returned from the battle your options were clear. If you are a friend to neither side, legate, you must be an enemy to both. We needed to know what you believed. I hope you live to see what I believe... +Who are you? Narcissus The Good? I have heard of Narcissus Meridas. That's who I hear you are. You're hearing about somebody else. +You're hearing about somebody else. How did you get condemned to the arena without a trial? +How did you get condemned to the arena without a trial? When the Senate and the Emperor agree miracles can happen. +When the Senate and the Emperor agree miracles can happen. Would you support the Senate if they would give you a trial? You'd have to give me your word. +Would you support the Senate if they would give you a trial? You'd have to give me your word. I need to give you my word when yours is worth nothing? +I need to give you my word when yours is worth nothing? You're a citizen and a soldier. Not a gladiator. +You're a citizen and a soldier. Not a gladiator. You don't know how wrong you are. +You on your way to trial, too, general? Or do you think they've already had our trial? Why you? +Why you? My loyalties... were in doubt. +My loyalties... were in doubt. Fools to let us both live; we'll be our own best witnesses at our trial. +Fools to let us both live; we'll be our own best witnesses at our trial. That's what worries me... +Is this Rome? Are we just going to be executed? They can't... if this is Rome... +No future-telling, please, I've been terrified enough for one day. Narcissus! Terrified? You? The only thing he's scared of is me. +You know our two most senior Senators: Gaius Cantus and Falco Verus? Only from a distance. +I thought all good generals were quick to recognize opportunities. Sneaking around with your brother? +Sneaking around with your brother? Without him. He'd be weeping if he overheard that. Well? The idea of you as my adopted brother is very... exciting. +Without him. He'd be weeping if he overheard that. Well? The idea of you as my adopted brother is very... exciting. I'm not fit for the job and as a matter of fact I'm not taking the job. +I'm not fit for the job and as a matter of fact I'm not taking the job. Why do you keep playing at being so humble? It's a little embarrassing. +Why do you keep playing at being so humble? It's a little embarrassing. Why do you play at being drunk? +Why do you play at being drunk? How do you know I am playing? Well, the clown is always harmless. Isn't that right? And how did you ever get to know me so well? The last we spent any time together I was fourteen. I think you know me better than my father. He's going to die, isn't he? +How do you know I am playing? Well, the clown is always harmless. Isn't that right? And how did you ever get to know me so well? The last we spent any time together I was fourteen. I think you know me better than my father. He's going to die, isn't he? I don't believe that. He's got the best doctor in the world and a will of iron. You know we're preparing for a full-blown invasion of Germany. +I don't believe that. He's got the best doctor in the world and a will of iron. You know we're preparing for a full-blown invasion of Germany. Of course I know -- who do you think is paying for it? The Emperor himself, didn't you know? Why do you think Commodus came rushing up to the front? Burning patriotism? Filial love? He wants to be sure when he takes over there's enough cash left in the treasury to... play Emperor. Watch out for him, Narcissus; he's inexperienced, but... be careful. +It's my brother's neck you want, not mine. Yours will do! +I came here to see that you stay alive. The people need a living breathing alternative to Commodus, a hero. You mean a symbol of someone who doesn't exist. +You mean a symbol of someone who doesn't exist. But you do exist. Narcissus: hero of the battle of the Danube. +Twenty years I've led men to die. For me it was the glory of Rome. But that was something. If it wasn't that, then it was the pay or the loot of the next whore -- but that was something! These men here are butchered for laughs! Their lives are like jokes delivered in the back alley theaters where their death is a punch line! For the sake of the Gods, you're not leading these men? How like my father you are. You 'believe'... I guess that's why you're still alive. +To think I brought my daughters up on all things Roman. Read to sleep on Catullus, Lucretius... Virgil... every night. My beautiful daughters. Do you remember your Epictetus, that little homily we recited when we were children? The one that was supposed to remind us we were Romans? +"""If you consider yourself to be only one thread of many in the tunic, then it is fitting for you to be like the rest of men, just as the thread has no desire to be any better than the other threads. But...""" """But what if I wish to be purple?""" +You cannot die. Would that Marcus had lived. +Would that Marcus had lived. Marcus would have lived but... was poisoned by his son. +Marcus would have lived but... was poisoned by his son. He killed his father and then my family... +He killed his father and then my family... Narcissus, I have your family. They're alive. All of them. +Where are they? Hidden. Where my brother cannot place hands on them. He didn't have the guts to watch them die so... I took care of it all. The sooner he is put out of our misery, the sooner will they be safe. +Commodus, it's we who are going on the offensive. The fort helps position us for a final invasion in the spring when they're most vulnerable. +The fort helps position us for a final invasion in the spring when they're most vulnerable. Commodus -- listen to Narcissus, listen to the man who has never lost a battle for Rome! You're young with years ahead of you before you gain the experience to wear the purple! +I want you to start your work for the last phase of the campaign. I will, Marcus. But you're going to be well enough to direct it yourself. +I will, Marcus. But you're going to be well enough to direct it yourself. I've made so many mistakes, Narcissus. We all put off the very last duties of our lives because we're afraid of admitting when our lives are over. +I've made so many mistakes, Narcissus. We all put off the very last duties of our lives because we're afraid of admitting when our lives are over. There's no reason to say that. Everyone knows you're going to be well. I had Servis groom your horse for a triumphal visit to the front at first light. +There's no reason to say that. Everyone knows you're going to be well. I had Servis groom your horse for a triumphal visit to the front at first light. Servis made it through again? +Servis made it through again? He's like you, sir, too tough for the Gods to swallow. +If I'd ever had a sign that you wanted to rule I would have... no, again, it's my own bullheadedness. Narcissus, I should have adopted you years ago. And now the Gods are begging me to make you my son! Commodus is just a young man, he'll learn what you had to learn. +Commodus is just a young man, he'll learn what you had to learn. It's not because he's young, it's because he's ignorant and arrogant. His sister is a better man. That's why I have undertaken to begin sweeping changes in the relationship between the emperor and the Senate. +It's not because he's young, it's because he's ignorant and arrogant. His sister is a better man. That's why I have undertaken to begin sweeping changes in the relationship between the emperor and the Senate. So I understand. +So I understand. Everyone talking about it? I wouldn't wonder. All I seek is a genuine balance of power between the Emperor and the Senate. Thus I have transferred legal power -- which was theirs to begin with -- back to the Senators. This includes a shared right to taxation too but some bite in the plan. It's a start, only a start. If the Emperor and the Senate can share power then the people will be ready to take their share. This means Commodus has to bend; does he strike you as that type? +Everyone talking about it? I wouldn't wonder. All I seek is a genuine balance of power between the Emperor and the Senate. Thus I have transferred legal power -- which was theirs to begin with -- back to the Senators. This includes a shared right to taxation too but some bite in the plan. It's a start, only a start. If the Emperor and the Senate can share power then the people will be ready to take their share. This means Commodus has to bend; does he strike you as that type? You're too hard on him. He is a strong young man, with you as his guide... +You're too hard on him. He is a strong young man, with you as his guide... A man should be upright, not be kept upright. History shows us that a good general is quick to recognize opportunities -- even if it means making a complete about face at the last minute. I want you to consider becoming my heir. +A man should be upright, not be kept upright. History shows us that a good general is quick to recognize opportunities -- even if it means making a complete about face at the last minute. I want you to consider becoming my heir. Marcus, you honor me, but I'm a soldier, politics scare the hell out of me. +Marcus, you honor me, but I'm a soldier, politics scare the hell out of me. The Senators admire you. +The Senators admire you. They fear me. +They fear me. They fear change. The new Caesar must be honest enough to know when the emperorship is no longer feasible. You could be the one, the Emperor, the man who oversees the rebirth of the Republic. +They fear change. The new Caesar must be honest enough to know when the emperorship is no longer feasible. You could be the one, the Emperor, the man who oversees the rebirth of the Republic. I'll do anything in my power to help you restore the Republic but I can't be that power. +I made the plume from a quail feather. Much more colorful than the ones we wear. And, of course, less dented. +Don't stop to visit -- take the children straight home and I'll follow as soon as I can. Tomorrow? +Tomorrow? As soon as I can. +As soon as I can. On your honor as a Roman officer, daddy? +On your honor as a Roman officer, daddy? On my honor as your daddy... +I see the emperor's little boy has finally caught up with the army. Let's hope he doesn't start giving orders. +What the hell was all that about? What the hell do you think it was about? There's nothing an unproved heir to the throne likes less than glaring competence in others. +What the hell do you think it was about? There's nothing an unproved heir to the throne likes less than glaring competence in others. Why don't we try to keep politics out of the conversation. +Why don't we try to keep politics out of the conversation. Well, we can try... +Serious stuff... Centurions on both sides of the river are convinced the Germans will try one last offensive. They've got nothing to lose and it's so very like them. +Everyone knew you would have been outspoken against this deal. What deal? +What deal? Rome is going to pay an allotment to the German tribes on an annual basis. +Rome is going to pay tribute -- like a defeated nation begging for mercy? Have you told your troops that? My troops don't make policy. +My troops don't make policy. Well, they die for it! +On his death bed I promised Marcus I would complete our work here. The Senate may be vacillating, but I have the army behind me. I'm taking half a cohort and restocking that fort. I can't let you do that. +You brought the army into Rome. I was summoned. +I was summoned. It's your job as a Roman officer to disobey such a summons. +It's your job as a Roman officer to disobey such a summons. It's my job to keep my job. And that, by the way, is now head of Praetorian Guard. Good ole Tribuus has been retired. +It's my job to keep my job. And that, by the way, is now head of Praetorian Guard. Good ole Tribuus has been retired. Quintus, you've got at least a division with you -- we could take Rome away from Commodus and give it back to the Senate! +Quintus, you've got at least a division with you -- we could take Rome away from Commodus and give it back to the Senate! You seem to be doing a great job of it single-hand! Narcissus, the Republic is dead. You think those Senators could govern? For the last hundred and fifty years they've worked hard at kissing an endless succession of Imperial asses! +You seem to be doing a great job of it single-hand! Narcissus, the Republic is dead. You think those Senators could govern? For the last hundred and fifty years they've worked hard at kissing an endless succession of Imperial asses! Then give the empire back to the people... the children who will grow up to become senators... +Then give the empire back to the people... the children who will grow up to become senators... The 'people'?, listen to the people, they know what they want: A government that gives them what they need and doesn't bother them with messy thoughts of issues. You know, messy... thinking. They want a dictator! As far as the children, there is only one thing that every Roman child dreams of: being you! A famous gladiator! +What are you fighting for in here? The good of Rome? I can end this madness now! Take the job for the sake of the Gods, live! Can you stop that slaughter?! Can you free these men? +He's very realistic. Isn't the helmet magnificent? +Well, you wanted the girls to have the best teachers. Greeks? +Greeks? Athenians... +What about their philosophy lessons? They're studying with Cynics. +They're studying with Cynics. Of course... +You need to come home! I can see that... +I can see that... The battle is over. The war is over. You've won! +The battle is over. The war is over. You've won! If you win, you know, you have to stay. It's the losers who get to go home. Besides, I'm not so sure it is over. Centurions report enemy scouts probing our lines. +This is our oil from our estates? I've been overseeing production myself for the past three years, you'll be surprised at how wonderful our oil has become. +Very fancy. Did you design the bottle? Who else? I'm the one who runs the estates while you're here risking everything we have for the glory of Rome! Or for the glory of you! +Who else? I'm the one who runs the estates while you're here risking everything we have for the glory of Rome! Or for the glory of you! I'm a soldier -- we're at war. I can't stay home tending the damned olive groves? +I'm a soldier -- we're at war. I can't stay home tending the damned olive groves? We don't need your help we're doing great on our own. +I want to come home, of course I do, I'd have to be mad not to want that. It's just that Marcus trusts me. Let him trust Quintus. +Let him trust Quintus. Quintus is overly idealistic. +Quintus is overly idealistic. I never knew a more idealistic man than you. +I never knew a more idealistic man than you. Me? Well, I believe in Rome... you'd have to after what I've seen, how people outside the empire treat each other. +Me? Well, I believe in Rome... you'd have to after what I've seen, how people outside the empire treat each other. I don't even want to imagine the things you've seen... +I don't even want to imagine the things you've seen... What you don't want to imagine is the things I've done. +When you get to Ostia, use this -- bribe passage to Africa or Spain. Save my family. You should be able to find a merchant ship that will take you to Egypt then to Numidia. No! +You're not going! You have to stay with us! How long do you think Commodus will let us live once he's in power? A month? Half a year? Paestum will be a prison where he'll hold us until it's time... +How long do you think Commodus will let us live once he's in power? A month? Half a year? Paestum will be a prison where he'll hold us until it's time... Narcissus! +Narcissus! Do you want to see Themis and Manto butchered? If I die fighting Commodus he won't care about you. If I live I'll come and get you. +Do you want to see Themis and Manto butchered? If I die fighting Commodus he won't care about you. If I live I'll come and get you. I don't want you to die! +I'll never die. You tell the girls that. You honor our ancestors and I'll be there. Every night. At the table of life. Your daughters need more than some vapors; they need you! +Your daughters need more than some vapors; they need you! They'll have me. Teach them. Don't let them become like these ignorant heaps of citizens without history, without philosophy, without meaning. Teach them of the Greeks, the Babylonians, the Hebrews, the Numidians, the Egyptians and the great Romans. Teach them, who we are! +They'll have me. Teach them. Don't let them become like these ignorant heaps of citizens without history, without philosophy, without meaning. Teach them of the Greeks, the Babylonians, the Hebrews, the Numidians, the Egyptians and the great Romans. Teach them, who we are! You teach them! +You teach them! That's what I'm going to do. That's what I'm going to do... +You're a legate in the Roman army. Huh...? and you act like one. What was your crime? I killed too many barbarians. +I killed too many barbarians. I'm a Greek, thank you. And I was brought up believing Romans were the barbarians. Give our new colleague some of the Cretan white. Relax, tell me everything, I'm your friend. +Who the hell are you? I am the man who might save your life -- give you a bit more life at any rate. I am Proximo Palindromos head of this gladiatorial school which is named after me. I own this school and everything that's in it. You're in it! But why? What did a Roman general do to get himself condemned to the Colosseum? Understand, we usually get corn thieves and pick pockets. Please, I separated you from the others because... ... my nose tells me you've been condemned for important reasons. +I am the man who might save your life -- give you a bit more life at any rate. I am Proximo Palindromos head of this gladiatorial school which is named after me. I own this school and everything that's in it. You're in it! But why? What did a Roman general do to get himself condemned to the Colosseum? Understand, we usually get corn thieves and pick pockets. Please, I separated you from the others because... ... my nose tells me you've been condemned for important reasons. Condemned? Aren't I owed a trial before being condemned? +Condemned? Aren't I owed a trial before being condemned? General, all I know is you have been condemned to the Colosseum, and a trial is nowhere to be seen. +General, all I know is you have been condemned to the Colosseum, and a trial is nowhere to be seen. Impossible! Every citizen has a right to trial -- this is Rome! +Thank you. What is going to happen tomorrow? Exactly? You are to be killed, exactly. They'll give you a sporting chance, but just enough to make your murder... entertaining. Romans like to mix their metaphors: laughter with their executions, you know? If you survive, though, you will become a gladiator. A gladiator at least gets a fair fight. +You are to be killed, exactly. They'll give you a sporting chance, but just enough to make your murder... entertaining. Romans like to mix their metaphors: laughter with their executions, you know? If you survive, though, you will become a gladiator. A gladiator at least gets a fair fight. Death is a very light thing for you. +Death is a very light thing for you. Death is... everything for me. Now you have to go to your cell, and I to dicker with Jerses... you'll be fed well. I want you to be fit as you can be; I want you to win for me tomorrow! I want all my gladiators to win and be happy! Besides, I've never owned a Roman general before. +Take your hands off me animal! Chain him. +Sorry but I have to get at least one fight out of you otherwise I won't even get back the cost of the bribe I had to pay the arena slaves to get you here. I know what you're trying to do: kill yourself and trust in the Roman tradition of justice that the emperor will let your family survive and keep their lands. The only thing you have accomplishes is to prove you're a very important individual. You make me feel good about my investment! And that puking pig Jerses -- he won't even discuss you. Both of you have clamped mouths! But I love all my fighters -- I'll find out about your family. And about you. That I promise. I refuse to be your slave. I refuse -- +I refuse to be your slave. I refuse -- -- to fight? We'll see... +Legate Narcissus Meridas, general of the Spanish Felix Legions! I'm proud to have you in my school! Now, show them what you can do! I'm not a gladiator. I refuse to fight. +I'm not a gladiator. I refuse to fight. Then, you'll die... Just, know this: because you asked I asked: I'm sorry but... +General, do you realize what happened out there today? I didn't get killed and everyone else did. +I didn't get killed and everyone else did. That's one way to look at it. +At the end of the day I was approached by the Golden Pompeii Olive Oil company. Small, but profitable. They asked if you would endorse their oil. We could get some very nice posters. Make some very big money... "What would the poster say: ""Narcissus would kill for a taste of Golden Pompeii Olive Oil?""" +"What would the poster say: ""Narcissus would kill for a taste of Golden Pompeii Olive Oil?""" Think about it! Just think about it! +General, hang on... drink slowly. You are blessed by the Gods to have a physician and a Divine of Janus with you tonight. A fan sent them to you. Alive... I'm alive... +Proximo, if this is her doctor he's an assassin. Don't be ridiculous. +It will be good luck for you to wear that helmet... It belonged to Cimon of Smyrna... he was crushed by an elephant. Lucky it didn't step on his head. +No more bad luck now! The people are anticipating you! I have posters up over half the city advertising you as the great warrior -- the true Roman! The man who fought side by side with the wolf of Rome! Make us rich, Proximo, make us very rich... +Tiger's challenged you and Jerses has made me an offer, made us both an offer: you take a fall. What the hell are you talking about, Greek? +You put this inside your shirt -- when Tiger stabs your stomach -- it's full of pig's blood. Gushes out everywhere! It's really impressive. Fantastic! Better than the real thing! So I pretend I'm dead. You get gold, what do I get? +So I pretend I'm dead. You get gold, what do I get? You get to come alive again in the country! +You get to come alive again in the country! As, what, 'The Galloping Gladiator?!' +As, what, 'The Galloping Gladiator?!' The point is you get to fight the easy country circuit, the small arenas, relax, live the good life! +The point is you get to fight the easy country circuit, the small arenas, relax, live the good life! Spend my days beheading country bumpkins? I don't know, Proximo, who has better wine than you? Besides, I'm beginning to think of the Colosseum as my home. +Spend my days beheading country bumpkins? I don't know, Proximo, who has better wine than you? Besides, I'm beginning to think of the Colosseum as my home. But -- you have to go out there! I'll give you more than your one third! When I get paid... just take the fall! You're too hurt to fight and the man's a killer! +But -- you have to go out there! I'll give you more than your one third! When I get paid... just take the fall! You're too hurt to fight and the man's a killer! Pressures on, eh Proximo? There's got to be a load of money in this. Why else would you toss a red hot commodity like me out the window? +Pressures on, eh Proximo? There's got to be a load of money in this. Why else would you toss a red hot commodity like me out the window? It's absolutely not like that! This is for your own good! Come on get the rest of your armor on! +Tell me honestly, since this may be our last earthly meeting: if this were a fair fight where would you put your money? On you! Of course! You are my bravest fighter -- the best fighter I have ever seen! +On you! Of course! You are my bravest fighter -- the best fighter I have ever seen! Such nobility from such an ignoble mouth. Take my advice and make that bet. +Such nobility from such an ignoble mouth. Take my advice and make that bet. Oh, shit. Take your time! Don't get suckered! This man is a murderer! In his career he's killed over a thousand gladiators. Please, just take the fall! +How much money is involved? A great deal. They designed and build Tiger's chariot... +A great deal. They designed and build Tiger's chariot... They want to dump Tiger and have me endorse their damned chariot, right? They don't waste time... +They want to dump Tiger and have me endorse their damned chariot, right? They don't waste time... I can really rape them on this! Can I at least tell them you'll think about it? +I can really rape them on this! Can I at least tell them you'll think about it? No. Tell them I'll do it. But I want more posters all over Rome. +No. Tell them I'll do it. But I want more posters all over Rome. Fantastic! Wonderful! But posters are very expensive. +Fantastic! Wonderful! But posters are very expensive. Then get a large cash advance. +Then get a large cash advance. Right, right... But they'll have to bring in a lawyer. I don't want to get sued over this. +Right, right... But they'll have to bring in a lawyer. I don't want to get sued over this. Before they leave, get gold. +Before they leave, get gold. Right, right, what am I thinking of? +Right, right, what am I thinking of? I want another interview with Cos. Tell him to bring plenty of ink. +I want another interview with Cos. Tell him to bring plenty of ink. I'll do it! Sure as there's shit in the Tiber we're all going to die, but for you -- anything! +So, things change. The government has moved to the circus. You're going to fight last. And Commodus is going to fight first. You were a soldier, and then a gladiator, weren't you? +You were a soldier, and then a gladiator, weren't you? Was I? +Let's talk about this later. Right now we have other things to settle. You and your family will be leaving with a supply ship returning in the morning to Ostia. From there, Caesar has decreed you be given an estate in Paestum. It's beautiful; an old Greek town right on the ocean. Rich soil. Perhaps we could keep our financial arrangements... although Caesar will give you a sort of pension it's always good to look to the future, keep your hand in the arena... so to speak. I want nothing to do with the arena. +I want nothing to do with the arena. Something else, then. Do the chariot races interest you? +Commodus must hate you. Free your gladiators and come with us. Are you mad? With all this unrest the Colosseum will be open day and night! Anyway, I'm not political, I'm in the entertainment business. +Hello. Hello. +You're living at home now. Is that right? Yes. +Yes. Do you know what you're going to do? +Do you know what you're going to do? No. +No. Are you going to graduate school? +Are you going to graduate school? No. +Do you always drive like this? Yes. +Do you want some dinner? I'd love some. +Aren't you eating? No. +No. Why not? +Why not? If it's all right with you, I'm not hungry. +Benjamin -- do you dislike me for some reason? No -- why should I? +No -- why should I? I don't know. +Could you do it? No. +Will you take me home now? I'm sorry I took you in there. +I'm sorry I took you in there. I think I'd better go home now please. +I think I'd better go home now please. But, Elaine -- +But, Elaine -- Where is the car? +Where is the car? I just want to tell you something. +I want to go home. But could I just tell you this one thing? +But could I just tell you this one thing? What? +What? This whole idea -- this date and everything. It was my parents' idea. They forced me into it. +This whole idea -- this date and everything. It was my parents' idea. They forced me into it. Oh -- that's very nice of you to tell me. +Oh -- that's very nice of you to tell me. No. What I mean is -- that's why I've been acting this way. I'm not like this. I hate myself like this. +Listen -- could you stop crying, please? No, I couldn't. +No, I couldn't. But could you try? +But could you try? No. +I've had this feeling -- ever since I've graduated -- this -- kind of compulsion that I have to be rude all the time. Do you know what I mean? Yes, I do. +Would you like to come in? I could make some coffee. No, I mean -- I wouldn't want to wake anyone up. +No, I mean -- I wouldn't want to wake anyone up. We won't. Let's go inside. +We won't. Let's go inside. Wait a minute. +Wait a minute. Is anything wrong? +Is anything wrong? No -- I was just thinking -- look -- it's still early -- we could do something -- go somewhere else. +No -- I was just thinking -- look -- it's still early -- we could do something -- go somewhere else. All right. +Where we going? I'm trying to think of where there's a place to have a drink around here. +I'm trying to think of where there's a place to have a drink around here. Isn't there one in the Taft Hotel? +What is the matter? Nothing. I'm just wondering if they have a bar or not. I mean let's go see. Let's go see if they do or not. +Listen, Elaine -- it seems to me that there isn't a bar in here. I mean -- as far as I know. Of course there is. Look -- The Veranda Room -- right there. +Benjamin -- Let's get out of here, Elaine. Let's go somewhere else. +Let's get out of here, Elaine. Let's go somewhere else. Benjamin -- do they know you? +Benjamin -- do they know you? Of course not. +Ben -- what's happening? Who is Mr. Gladstone? I don't know. They must think I look like this guy Gladstone. +Do you? Yes. +Yes. You're the first -- you're the first thing for so long that I've liked. The first person I could stand to be with. +I'm sorry. That is not my business. It just happened. It was just this thing that happened along with everything else. Can you understand that? +Was she married or something? Yes. +Yes. With a family? +With a family? Yes. She had a husband and a son. +Yes. She had a husband and a son. Did they ever find out? +Did they ever find out? No. +No. And it's all over now. +And it's all over now. Yes. +Yes. I'm glad. +All right. During the day? We'll go for a drive or something. +During the day? We'll go for a drive or something. Okay. +Okay. You sure you really want to? +You sure you really want to? Yes. +Yes. Because I wouldn't want you to do it unless you really wanted to! +Because I wouldn't want you to do it unless you really wanted to! I do. +I do. You do? +You do? Benjamin -- I really do. +What's the matter? You've got to go over the back fence and I'll meet you on the corner. +You've got to go over the back fence and I'll meet you on the corner. Benjamin -- what's happening? +Benjamin -- what's happening? Hurry up. Put your shoes on. +Why aren't you ready? Because I want to know what's happening. +What is it? That woman -- +That woman -- What? +What? That woman. The older woman. +That woman. The older woman. You mean the one who -- +You mean the one who -- Yes. The married woman -- it wasn't just some woman -- +Elaine -- Oh my God -- +No -- don't cry -- GET OUT! +GET OUT! Don't cry. +Don't cry. Get out of here. +I'm meeting someone. Ah. Where? +Where are you meeting this person? At the Zoo. +At the Zoo. The Zoo. They have a pretty good one here, do they? +The Zoo. They have a pretty good one here, do they? I've never been to it. +I've never been to it. Oh. Well, I haven't either. I might just ride out there with you. +Is that him over there? No. +No. Where did he say he was going to meet you? +Where did he say he was going to meet you? I thought he said by the monkey house. +I thought he said by the monkey house. Oh. +Benjamin -- I would like to know what you're doing here. Here? In Berkeley? +Here? In Berkeley? Yes. +Yes. Well, I have this very pleasant room on Carter Street -- and I've been getting to some classes -- +Well, I have this very pleasant room on Carter Street -- and I've been getting to some classes -- But you're not enrolled. +But you're not enrolled. No. I just sit in. They don't seem to mind. They've been very congenial about it. +Benjamin -- you're -- I don't know what to say -- you're -- Maybe we could get together some time and talk about it. +Maybe we could get together some time and talk about it. -- really incredible -- +-- really incredible -- Here he comes. +Here he comes. What? +What? I've got a real feeling that this is the fellow. +I want to ask you a question. Come in. +Come in. No. I want to know why you're here in Berkeley? +No. I want to know why you're here in Berkeley? Because -- I am. +Because -- I am. Is it because I'm here? +Is it because I'm here? What do you think? +What do you think? I think it is. +I said I think it is. All right then! Yes! +All right then! Yes! Well, I want you to leave. +Well, I want you to leave. Elaine -- I love you. +Elaine -- I love you. How could you do that, Benjamin? +Do you just hate everything? How could you possibly rape my... What? +What? I don't understand -- +I don't understand -- Did you say rape her? +Did you say rape her? -- how you -- how anyone -- could do a thing like that. +-- how you -- how anyone -- could do a thing like that. What did she say? +What did she say? Let me go. +Let me go. You've got to tell me what she said. +Why? Because it isn't true. +Because it isn't true. I don't feel well. +She said she was having a drink in the hotel with a friend. You waited for her in the parking lot and told her she was too drunk to drive home and that you would get her a room for the night. Then what? +Then what? Then you took her upstairs and you raped her. +Then you took her upstairs and you raped her. Elaine -- that is not what happened. +Please let me go. All right -- but listen to me. What happened was there was this party at my parents. I drove your mother home -- then we went upstairs to see your portrait -- +Don't tell me -- -- and when we got up in the room she starts taking her her clothes off -- and -- +-- and when we got up in the room she starts taking her her clothes off -- and -- Benjamin -- this is my mother! +Benjamin -- this is my mother! -- suddenly there she was without any clothes on -- I mean really naked -- +Benjamin, when you came up here, what did you think was going to happen between us? Elaine -- right now I don't feel like talking much. I'm sorry about everything but I think I'll just do this now. +Can I just sit here while you're packing? If you want. +What are you looking for? My belt. +My belt. Don't you have it on? +Don't you have it on? No. I have two. The other one is the one I'm looking for. What's this? It's from my grandmother. +No. I have two. The other one is the one I'm looking for. What's this? It's from my grandmother. The marble? +The marble? The belt I'm looking for was from my grandmother. +The belt I'm looking for was from my grandmother. Oh. +What are you going to do now? I don't know. +Are you going home? No. +No. Well -- where are you going? +I don't want you to leave tomorrow. I don't understand. +I don't understand. I don't want you to go anywhere until you have a definite plan. +I don't want you to go anywhere until you have a definite plan. But Elaine -- +But Elaine -- Goodbye. +Benjamin? What? +What? Will you kiss me! +You won't? I don't know. +I don't know. But you might. +But you might. I might. +I might. Is that so? You might marry me? +Is that so? You might marry me? Yes. +Yes. When? +When? I don't know. +I don't know. How about tomorrow? I don't mean to be pushy but -- +How about tomorrow? I don't mean to be pushy but -- I don't know. I don't know what's happening. +I don't know. I don't know what's happening. You mean you're confused? +Well -- look -- don't be confused. We're getting married. I don't see how we can. +I don't see how we can. We just can. +We just can. I have to go back now. +Elaine -- are you serious about this? I'll think about it. +I'll think about it. You really will? +You really will? Yes. +We could go down and get our blood tests tomorrow. Tomorrow? +Tomorrow? Or this afternoon. It's a good day for it. +Or this afternoon. It's a good day for it. Benjamin -- I haven't even said I'll marry you yet. +Benjamin -- I haven't even said I'll marry you yet. We'll need our Birth Certificates. I happen to have mine with me. Where's yours? +I just don't think it would work. Why wouldn't it? +Why wouldn't it? I just don't think it would... +Why don't you just drag me off if you want to marry me so much? Why don't I just drag you off? All right -- I will. Right after we get the blood tests. +Why don't I just drag you off? All right -- I will. Right after we get the blood tests. Well -- I have to see Carl first. +Well -- I have to see Carl first. Carl who? +Carl who? Carl Smith. He's a medical student. We've known him for years. +Carl Smith. He's a medical student. We've known him for years. Who -- that guy at the Zoo? +Who -- that guy at the Zoo? Yes. +Yes. Why do you have to see him? +Why do you have to see him? Well -- I said I might marry him. +How did he do it? Did he get down on his knees? He didn't get down on his knees, I hope. No, Benjamin. +No, Benjamin. Well, what did he say? I'm curious. +Well, what did he say? I'm curious. He said he thought we'd make a pretty good team. +He said he thought we'd make a pretty good team. Oh no. He said that. +Oh no. He said that. Shhhh. +Shhhh. Where did he do it? +Are we getting married tomorrow? No. +No. The day after tomorrow? +The day after tomorrow? Maybe we are and maybe we aren't. +Benjamin? What? +657-2036 Hello -- who is this? +Hello -- who is this? This is Dr. Smith's answering service. +This is Dr. Smith's answering service. Is the doctor anywhere? +Is the doctor anywhere? Well -- you see -- the doctor is at his son's wedding, but I'm sure it's over by now. He should be checking in any moment -- +Well -- you see -- the doctor is at his son's wedding, but I'm sure it's over by now. He should be checking in any moment -- Listen to me. I am Dr. Smith's brother -- Reverend Smith -- and I am supposed to perform the ceremony. I just got in -- from -- Portland -- and I've forgotten what church -- you see? +Oh. Well -- I'm not sure -- but you might try the First Presbyterian. That's on Allan Street. Thank you. +Thank you. I certainly hope you -- +Ben! Excuse me. Mr. McQuire. +Excuse me. Mr. McQuire. Ben. +Ben. Mr. McQuire. +Ben -- I just want to say one word to you -- just one word -- Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Are you listening? +Are you listening? Yes I am. +Yes I am. Plastics. +Exactly how do you mean? There is a great future in plastics. Think about it. Will you think about it? +There is a great future in plastics. Think about it. Will you think about it? Yes, I will. +Yes, I will. Okay. Enough said. That's a deal. +You a student? Not exactly. +What's that? I said -- not exactly -- no. +I said -- not exactly -- no. What are you then? +What are you then? Well -- I'm just sort of traveling through. +I like to know who's living in my house. I like to know what my boys are up to. Ahhh. +You're not one of those agitators? What? +What? One of those outside agitators. +One of those outside agitators. Oh -- no sir. +Oh -- no sir. I hate that. I won't stand for it. +Oh -- hello, Mr. McCleery. Who screamed? +Who screamed? It's all right, Mr. McCleery. +It's all right, Mr. McCleery. Screaming isn't all right. Not in my house it isn't. +Screaming isn't all right. Not in my house it isn't. It was just a visitor. But it's all right now. +What did you do to her? Look -- she's all right. She's upset and she screamed. But she's okay now. +See -- she's just having some water. Now there's no need for the cops or anything. All right, boys -- I think you can get back to your rooms. I don't think we'll have any more of this agitation. Will we, Braddock? +All right, boys -- I think you can get back to your rooms. I don't think we'll have any more of this agitation. Will we, Braddock? No, sir. +Mr. McCleery? You heard me. Out of here. +You heard me. Out of here. What for? +What for? Because I don't like you. +Mr. McCleery -- do you have some change? I need to use the phone? I want you out of here. +I want you out of here. Look -- I'll give you ten dollars for a dime -- I'll give you twenty -- for God's sake, will you let me use that phone? +Look -- I'll give you ten dollars for a dime -- I'll give you twenty -- for God's sake, will you let me use that phone? I am going to call the police now. +I am going to call the police now. Could I make one phone call first? +Could I make one phone call first? Get out! +BENJAMIN? Yes. +Yes. Will you bring up my purse before you go? +Will you bring up my purse before you go? I have to go now. I'm sorry. +Mrs. Robinson? I'm in the bathroom. +I'm in the bathroom. Well here's the purse. +Well here's the purse. Could you bring it up? +Could you bring it up? Well I'll hand it to you. +Come to the railing and I'll hand it up. Benjamin -- I am getting pretty tired of all this suspicion. Now if you won't do me a simple favor I don't know what. +I'm putting it on the top step. For God's sake, Benjamin, will you stop acting that way and bring me the purse? +I'm putting it here by the door. Will you bring it in to me? +Will you bring it in to me? I'd rather not. +I'd rather not. All right. Put it in the room where we were. +All right. Put it in the room where we were. Right. +Hello. Mrs. Robinson -- I don't quite know how to put this -- +Mrs. Robinson -- I don't quite know how to put this -- Benjamin? +Benjamin? Look -- I was thinking about that time after the party -- +Look -- I was thinking about that time after the party -- Where are you? +Where are you? -- and I was wondering if I could buy you a drink or something -- +-- and I was wondering if I could buy you a drink or something -- Where are you? +Where are you? Uh -- The Taft Hotel. +Uh -- The Taft Hotel. Did you get a room? +Did you get a room? No. Now I know it's pretty late and if you'd rather -- +No. Now I know it's pretty late and if you'd rather -- Give me an hour. +Give me an hour. What? +What? I'll be there in an hour. +Can I help you, sir! What? Oh -- no -- I'm just -- +What? The Singleman party, sir? +The Singleman party, sir? Oh -- yes. The Singleman party. +Oh -- yes. The Singleman party. It's in the main ballroom. +It's in the main ballroom. Ahh -- thank you. +Yes sir? A room. I'd like a room, please. +A room. I'd like a room, please. A single room or a double room? +A single room or a double room? A single. Just for myself, please. +A single. Just for myself, please. Will you sign the register, please? +Is anything wrong, sir? What? No. Nothing. +What? No. Nothing. Do you have any luggage, Mister -- Gladstone? +Do you have any luggage, Mister -- Gladstone? Luggage? Yes. Yes. I do. +Luggage? Yes. Yes. I do. Where is it? +Where is it? What? +What? Where is your luggage? +Where is your luggage? Well it's in the car. It's out in the car. +Well it's in the car. It's out in the car. Very good, sir. I'll have a porter bring it in. +Very good, sir. I'll have a porter bring it in. Oh no. +Oh no. Sir? +Sir? I mean I'd -- I'd rather not go to the trouble of bringing it all in. I just have a toothbrush. I can get it myself. If that's all right. +I mean I'd -- I'd rather not go to the trouble of bringing it all in. I just have a toothbrush. I can get it myself. If that's all right. Of course. +I'll have a porter show you the room. Oh. Well actually, I'd just as soon find it myself. I just have the toothbrush to carry up and I think I can manage it myself. +Oh. Well actually, I'd just as soon find it myself. I just have the toothbrush to carry up and I think I can manage it myself. Whatever you say, sir. +Oh. I guess this isn't the bathroom, is it? It's down the hall. +How are you, Benjamin? Fine, thank you. The bathroom is down at the end of the hall. +Is there an ashtray in here? No. +No. Oh -- I forgot. The track star doesn't smoke. +Is it a girl? Is what a girl? +Is what a girl? Whatever it is you're upset about. +Whatever it is you're upset about. Oh -- no. I'm just sort of disturbed about things. +Oh -- no. I'm just sort of disturbed about things. In general. +In general. That's right. +Benjamin, I want to ask you something. What? +What? Will you take me home? +Will you take me home? What? +What? My husband took the car. Will you drive me home? +You don't? No. +No. Let's go. +Thank you. Right. +Will you come in, please? What? +What? I want you to come in till I get the lights on. +I want you to come in till I get the lights on. What for? +What for? Because I don't feel safe until I get the lights on. +Would you mind walking ahead of me to the sun porch. I feel funny about coming into a dark house. But it's light in there now. +But it's light in there now. Please. +What do you drink? Bourbon? Look -- I drove you home. I was glad to do it. But I have some things on my mind. Can you understand that? +All right then. What do you drink? +Benjamin -- I'm sorry to be this way, but I don't want to be alone in this house. Why not? +Why not? Please wait till my husband gets home. +Please wait till my husband gets home. When is he coming back? +When is he coming back? I don't know. +Drink? No. +Are you always this much afraid of being alone? Yes. +Yes. Well, why can't you just lock the doors and go to bed? +Well, why can't you just lock the doors and go to bed? I'm very neurotic. +What do you think of me? What do you mean? +What do you mean? You've known me nearly all of your life. You must have formed some opinion. +You've known me nearly all of your life. You must have formed some opinion. Well -- I've always thought that you were a very -- nice -- person. +Well -- I've always thought that you were a very -- nice -- person. Did you know I was an alcoholic? +Did you know I was an alcoholic? What? +What? Did you know that? +Did you know that? Look -- I think I should be going -- +Look -- I think I should be going -- Sit down, Benjamin. +Sit down, Benjamin. Mrs. Robinson -- if you don't mind my saying so -- this conversation is getting a little strange. Now I'm sure that Mr. Robinson will be here any minute and -- +Mrs. Robinson -- if you don't mind my saying so -- this conversation is getting a little strange. Now I'm sure that Mr. Robinson will be here any minute and -- No. +No. What? +What? My husband will be back quite late. +Oh my God. Pardon? +Pardon? Oh no, Mrs. Robinson, oh no. +Oh no, Mrs. Robinson, oh no. What's wrong? +What's wrong? Mrs. Robinson, you didn't -- I mean you didn't expect -- +Mrs. Robinson, you didn't -- I mean you didn't expect -- What? +What? I mean -- you didn't really think that I would do something like that. +I mean -- you didn't really think that I would do something like that. Like what? +Like what? What do you think? +What do you think? Well I don't know. +Well I don't know. For God's sake, Mrs. Robinson, here we are, you've got me into your house. You give me a drink. You put on music, now you start opening up your personal life to me and tell me your husband won't be home for hours. +For God's sake, Mrs. Robinson, here we are, you've got me into your house. You give me a drink. You put on music, now you start opening up your personal life to me and tell me your husband won't be home for hours. So? +So? Mrs. Robinson -- you are trying to seduce me. +Aren't you? Why no. I hadn't thought of it. I feel rather flattered that you -- +Why no. I hadn't thought of it. I feel rather flattered that you -- Mrs. Robinson, will you forgive me for what I just said? +Mrs. Robinson, will you forgive me for what I just said? It's all right. +It's all right. It's not all right, it's the worst thing I've ever said to anyone. +It's not all right, it's the worst thing I've ever said to anyone. Sit down. +Sit down. Please forgive me. Because I like you. I don't think of you that way. But I'm mixed up. +Please forgive me. Because I like you. I don't think of you that way. But I'm mixed up. All right. Now finish your drink. +All right. Now finish your drink. Mrs. Robinson, it makes me sick that I said that to you. +Mrs. Robinson, it makes me sick that I said that to you. We'll forget it right now. Finish your drink. +We'll forget it right now. Finish your drink. What is wrong with me? +What is wrong with me? Have you ever seen Elaine's portrait? +Have you ever seen Elaine's portrait? Her portrait? +Her portrait? Yes. +Yes. No. +No. We had it done last Christmas. Would you like to see it? +We had it done last Christmas. Would you like to see it? Very much. +I don't remember her as having brown eyes. Benjamin? +Benjamin? Yes? +Yes? Will you unzip my dress? +I think I'll go to bed. Oh. Well, goodnight. +Oh. Well, goodnight. Won't you unzip my dress? +Won't you unzip my dress? I'd rather not, Mrs. Robinson. +I'd rather not, Mrs. Robinson. If you still think I'm trying to seduce you -- +If you still think I'm trying to seduce you -- No, I don't. But I just feel a little funny. +No, I don't. But I just feel a little funny. Benjamin -- you've known me all your life. +Benjamin -- you've known me all your life. I know that. But I'm -- +I know that. But I'm -- Come on. +Thank you. Right. +What are you so scared of? I'm not scared, Mrs. Robinson. +I'm not scared, Mrs. Robinson. Then why do you keep running away? +Then why do you keep running away? Because you're going to bed. I don't think I should be up here. +Haven't you ever seen anybody in a slip before? Yes, I have -- +But I just -- Look -- what if Mr. Robinson walked in right now? What if he did? +What if he did? Well, it would look pretty funny, wouldn't it? +Well, it would look pretty funny, wouldn't it? Don't you think he trusts us together? +Don't you think he trusts us together? Of course he does. But he might get the wrong idea. Anyone might. +Of course he does. But he might get the wrong idea. Anyone might. I don't see why. I'm twice as old as you are. How could anyone think -- +I don't see why. I'm twice as old as you are. How could anyone think -- But they would! Don't you see? +But they would! Don't you see? Benjamin -- I'm not trying to seduce you. I wish you'd -- +Benjamin -- I'm not trying to seduce you. I wish you'd -- I know that. But please, Mrs. Robinson. This is difficult for me. +I know that. But please, Mrs. Robinson. This is difficult for me. Why is it? +Why is it? Because I am confused about things. I can't tell what I'm imagining. I can't tell what's real. I can't -- +Because I am confused about things. I can't tell what I'm imagining. I can't tell what's real. I can't -- Would you like me to seduce you? +Would you like me to seduce you? What? +What? Is that what you're trying to tell me? +Is that what you're trying to tell me? I'm going home now. I apologize for what I said. I hope you can forget it. But I'm going home right now. +I really don't want to put this on again. Won't you bring it up? Where is it? +Where is it? On that chair in the hall. +Don't be nervous. Get away from that door. +Get away from that door. I want to say something first. +I want to say something first. Jesus Christ! +Jesus Christ! Benjamin -- I want you to know I'm available to you. If you won't sleep with me this time -- +Benjamin -- I want you to know I'm available to you. If you won't sleep with me this time -- Oh my God. +Oh my God. If you won't sleep with me this time, Benjamin, I want you to know you can call me up any time you want and we'll make some kind of arrangement. +If you won't sleep with me this time, Benjamin, I want you to know you can call me up any time you want and we'll make some kind of arrangement. Let me out! +Let me out! Do you understand what I said? +Do you understand what I said? Yes. Yes. Let me out! +Yes. Yes. Let me out! Because I find you very attractive and any time -- +Yes, I do. I've got to go. +Benjamin? Yes. +Yes. Thank you for taking me home. +Hello, Benjamin. Oh. Hello. Hello. +May I sit down? Of course. +How are you? Very well. Thank you. +May I have a drink? A drink? Of course. +He didn't see me. Waiter! +You don't have to be so nervous, you know. Nervous. Well, I am a bit nervous. I mean it's -- it's pretty hard to be suave when you're -- +Did you get us a room? What? +What? Have you gotten us a room yet? +Have you gotten us a room yet? I haven't. No. +I haven't. No. Do you want to? +Do you want to? Well -- I don't. I mean I could. Or we could just talk. +Well -- I don't. I mean I could. Or we could just talk. Do you want me to get it? +Do you want me to get it? You? Oh no. No. I'll get it. +You? Oh no. No. I'll get it. Do you want to get it now? +Do you want to get it now? Now? +Now? Yes. +Yes. Well -- I don't know. +Well -- I don't know. Why don't you get it. +Why don't you get it. Why don't I get it? Well -- I will then. If you'll excuse me. +I got a single room. That's fine. +That's fine. But there's one thing. The desk clerk seemed to be a little bit suspicious. I mean -- I don't know what their policy is -- but -- +But there's one thing. The desk clerk seemed to be a little bit suspicious. I mean -- I don't know what their policy is -- but -- Well -- do you want to go up first? +Well -- do you want to go up first? Yes -- I think that would be good. +Yes -- I think that would be good. I'll be up in five minutes. +I'll be up in five minutes. Well -- goodbye then -- +Well -- goodbye then -- Benjamin. +Benjamin. Yes? +Yes? Isn't there something you want to tell me? +Isn't there something you want to tell me? To tell you? +To tell you? Yes. +Yes. Well -- I want you to know how much I appreciate this -- really -- +Well -- I want you to know how much I appreciate this -- really -- The number. +The number. What? +What? The room number, Benjamin. I think you ought to tell me that. +The room number, Benjamin. I think you ought to tell me that. Oh? You're absolutely right. Absolutely. It's 512. +Oh? You're absolutely right. Absolutely. It's 512. Thank you. +Thank you. You're welcome. Well -- I'll see you later, Mrs. Robinson. +Well. Benjamin. +Benjamin. Yes? +Yes? I'll get undressed now. Is that all right? +I'll get undressed now. Is that all right? Sure. Shall I -- I mean shall I just stand here? I mean -- I don't know what you want me to do. +Sure. Shall I -- I mean shall I just stand here? I mean -- I don't know what you want me to do. Why don't you watch? +Why don't you watch? Oh -- sure. Thank you. +Will you bring me a hanger? What? +What? A hanger. +Oh -- yes. Wood? What? +What? Wood or wire? They have both. +Wood or wire? They have both. Either one will be fine. +Either one will be fine. Okay. +Thank you. You're welcome. +Would this be easier for you in the dark? Mrs. Robinson -- I can't do this. +Mrs. Robinson -- I can't do this. You what? +You what? This is all terribly wrong. +This is all terribly wrong. Benjamin -- do you find me undesirable? +Benjamin -- do you find me undesirable? Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think -- I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I just don't think we could possibly -- +Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think -- I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I just don't think we could possibly -- Are you afraid of me? +Are you afraid of me? No -- but look -- maybe we could do something else together, Mrs. Robinson -- would you like to go to a movie. +No -- but look -- maybe we could do something else together, Mrs. Robinson -- would you like to go to a movie. Benjamin, is this your first time? +Benjamin, is this your first time? Is this -- what? +Is this -- what? It is, isn't it? It is your first time. +It is, isn't it? It is your first time. That's a laugh, Mrs. Robinson. That's really a laugh. Ha ha. +That's a laugh, Mrs. Robinson. That's really a laugh. Ha ha. You can admit that, can't you? +You can admit that, can't you? Are you kidding? +Are you kidding? It's nothing to be ashamed of -- +It's nothing to be ashamed of -- Wait a minute! +Wait a minute! On your first time -- +On your first time -- Who said it was my first time? +Who said it was my first time? That you're afraid -- +That you're afraid -- Wait a minute. +Wait a minute. -- of bring -- inadequate -- I mean just because you happen to be inadequate in one way -- +-- of bring -- inadequate -- I mean just because you happen to be inadequate in one way -- INADEQUATE! +Now -- do you think we could say a few words to each other first this time? If you want. +If you want. Good. I mean are we dead or something? +Good. I mean are we dead or something? Well I just don't think we have much to say to each other. +Well I just don't think we have much to say to each other. All we ever do is come up here and throw off the clothes and leap into bed together. +All we ever do is come up here and throw off the clothes and leap into bed together. Are you tired of it? +Are you tired of it? I'm not. No. But do you think we could liven it up with a few words now and then? +I'm not. No. But do you think we could liven it up with a few words now and then? Well what do you want to talk about? +Well what do you want to talk about? Anything. Anything at all. +Anything. Anything at all. Do you want to tell me about some of your college experiences? +Do you want to tell me about some of your college experiences? Oh my God. +Oh my God. Well? +Well? Mrs. Robinson. If that's the best we can do let's just get the goddamn clothes off and -- +Leave it on! Now we are going to do this thing. We are going to have a conversation. Think of another topic. How about art. +How about art. Art. That's a good subject. You start it off. +Art. That's a good subject. You start it off. You start it off. I don't know anything about it. +You start it off. I don't know anything about it. Oh. +Oh. Don't you? +Don't you? Yes I do. I know quite a bit about it. +Yes I do. I know quite a bit about it. Go ahead then. +Go ahead then. Art. Well what do you want to know about it. +Are you interested more in modern art or more in classical art. Neither. +Neither. You're not interested in art? +You're not interested in art? No. +No. Then why do you want to talk about it? +Then why do you want to talk about it? I don't. +Can I take off my clothes now? No. Think of another topic. Tell me what you did today. +No. Think of another topic. Tell me what you did today. Do you really want me to? +Do you really want me to? Yes I do. +Yes I do. I got up. +Do you want to hear it or not? Yes. But you might try and spice it up with a little originality. +Yes. But you might try and spice it up with a little originality. I got up. I ate breakfast and went shopping. During the afternoon I read a novel. +I got up. I ate breakfast and went shopping. During the afternoon I read a novel. What one. +What one. What? +What? What novel did you read. +What novel did you read. I don't remember. +Then I fixed supper for my husband and waited until -- There! +There! What? +What? Your husband! Mrs. Robinson! There's something we could have a conversation about. +Your husband! Mrs. Robinson! There's something we could have a conversation about. Him? +Him? I mean everything. I don't know anything about how you -- how you work this. I don't know how you get out of the house at night. I don't know the risk involved. +I mean everything. I don't know anything about how you -- how you work this. I don't know how you get out of the house at night. I don't know the risk involved. There isn't any. +There isn't any. There's no risk? +How do you get out of the house? I walk out. +I walk out. You walk right out the door. +What do you say to him? He's asleep. +He's asleep. Always? +Always? Benjamin, this isn't a very interesting topic. +Benjamin, this isn't a very interesting topic. Please. Now tell me. How do you know he won't wake up sometime and follow you. +Please. Now tell me. How do you know he won't wake up sometime and follow you. Because he takes sleeping pills. He takes three sleeping pills every night at ten o'clock. +Because he takes sleeping pills. He takes three sleeping pills every night at ten o'clock. But what about the noise from the car. What if -- +But what about the noise from the car. What if -- The driveway's on my side of the house. +The driveway's on my side of the house. We're talking. +We're talking. What? +What? We're talking, Mrs. Robinson. We're talking. +We're talking, Mrs. Robinson. We're talking. Calm down, Benjamin. +Calm down, Benjamin. Now let's keep going here. +Now let's keep going here. Can I undress and talk at the same time? +Can I undress and talk at the same time? Right. +Right. Thank you. +Thank you. Now. You say the driveway's on your side of the house. So I guess you don't sleep in the same room. +Now. You say the driveway's on your side of the house. So I guess you don't sleep in the same room. We don't. +We don't. So you don't -- I mean I don't like to seem like I'm prying but I guess you don't sleep together or anything. +So you don't -- I mean I don't like to seem like I'm prying but I guess you don't sleep together or anything. No we don't. +No we don't. Well how long has this been going on. +Well how long has this been going on. About five years. +About five years. Oh no. Are you kidding me? +Oh no. Are you kidding me? No. +No. You have not slept with your husband for five years? +You have not slept with your husband for five years? Now and then. He gets drunk a few times a year. +Now and then. He gets drunk a few times a year. How many times a year. +How many times a year. On New Year's Eve. Sometimes on his birthday. +On New Year's Eve. Sometimes on his birthday. Man, is this interesting. +Man, is this interesting. Is it? +Is it? So you don't love him. You wouldn't say you -- +So you don't love him. You wouldn't say you -- We've talked enough, Benjamin. +We've talked enough, Benjamin. Wait a minute. So you wouldn't say you loved him. +Wait a minute. So you wouldn't say you loved him. Not exactly. +Not exactly. But you don't hate him. +But you don't hate him. No, Benjamin. I don't hate him. Unhook my blouse. +No, Benjamin. I don't hate him. Unhook my blouse. Well how do you feel about him, then? +Well how do you feel about him, then? I don't. +I don't. Well that's kind of a bad situation then, isn't it? +Well that's kind of a bad situation then, isn't it? Is it? +Is it? I mean it doesn't sound like it could be much worse. If you hated him at least you'd hate him. +Well you loved him once, I assume. When you first knew him. No. +No. What? +What? I never did, Benjamin. Now let's -- +I never did, Benjamin. Now let's -- Well, wait a minute. You married him. +Why did you do that? See if you can guess. +See if you can guess. Well I can't. +Well I can't. Think real hard, Benjamin. +Think real hard, Benjamin. I can't see why you did, unless... you didn't have to marry him or anything, did you? +I can't see why you did, unless... you didn't have to marry him or anything, did you? Don't tell Elaine. +Don't tell Elaine. Oh no. You had to marry him because you got pregnant? +Oh no. You had to marry him because you got pregnant? Are you shocked? +Are you shocked? Well I never thought of you and Mr. Robinson as the kind of people who... +Well I never thought of you and Mr. Robinson as the kind of people who... All right. Now let's get to bed. +All right. Now let's get to bed. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. So how did it happen? +Wait a minute. Wait a minute. So how did it happen? What? +What? I mean do you feel like telling me what were the circumstances? +I mean do you feel like telling me what were the circumstances? Not particularly. +Not particularly. Was he a law student at the time? +And you were a student also. Yes. +Yes. At college. +At college. Yes. +Yes. What was your major? +What was your major? Why are you asking me all this? +Why are you asking me all this? Because I'm interested, Mrs. Robinson. Now what was your major subject at college? +Because I'm interested, Mrs. Robinson. Now what was your major subject at college? Art. +Art. Art? +But I thought you -- I guess you kind of lost interest in it over the years then. Kind of. +Kind of. Well how did it happen? +Well how did it happen? How do you think. +How do you think. I mean did he take you up to his room with him? Did you go to a hotel? +I mean did he take you up to his room with him? Did you go to a hotel? Benjamin, what does it possibly matter? +Benjamin, what does it possibly matter? I'm curious. +I'm curious. We'd go to his car. +We'd go to his car. Oh no. In the car you did it? +Oh no. In the car you did it? I don't think we were the first. +What kind of car was it? What? +What? Do you remember the make of the car? +Do you remember the make of the car? Oh my God. +Oh my God. Really. I want to know. +Really. I want to know. It was a Ford, Benjamin. +It was a Ford, Benjamin. A Ford! A Ford! Goddamnit, a Ford! That's great! +A Ford! A Ford! Goddamnit, a Ford! That's great! That's enough. +That's enough. So old Elaine Robinson got started in a Ford. +Don't talk about Elaine. Don't talk about Elaine? +Don't talk about Elaine? No. +No. Why not? +Why not? Because I don't want you to. +I wish you'd tell me. There's nothing to tell. +There's nothing to tell. Well why is she a big taboo subject all of a sudden? +Well -- I guess I'll have to ask her out on a date and find out what's -- Benjamin, don't you ever take that girl out. +Do you understand that? Well look. I have no intention of taking her out. +Well look. I have no intention of taking her out. Good. +Good. I was just kidding around. +I was just kidding around. Good. +Good. But why shouldn't I? +But why shouldn't I? I have my reasons. +I have my reasons. Then let's hear them. +Then let's hear them. No. +No. Let's hear your reasons, Mrs. Robinson. Because I think I know what they are. +I'm not good enough for her to associate with, am I? I'm not good enough to even talk about her, am I? Let's drop it. +Let's drop it. We're not dropping it. Now that's the reason, isn't it? I'm a dirty degenerate, aren't I? I'm not fit to -- +We're not dropping it. Now that's the reason, isn't it? I'm a dirty degenerate, aren't I? I'm not fit to -- Benjamin? +Benjamin? I'm good enough for you but I'm too slimy to associate with your daughter. That's it, isn't it? ISN'T IT? +I'm good enough for you but I'm too slimy to associate with your daughter. That's it, isn't it? ISN'T IT? Yes. +Yes. You go to hell. You go straight to hell, Mrs. Robinson. Do you think I'm proud of myself? Do you think I'm proud of this? +You go to hell. You go straight to hell, Mrs. Robinson. Do you think I'm proud of myself? Do you think I'm proud of this? I wouldn't know. +I wouldn't know. Well, I'm not. +Well, I'm not. You're not. +You're not. No sir. I am not proud that I spend my time with a broken-down alcoholic! +No sir. I am not proud that I spend my time with a broken-down alcoholic! I see. +I see. And if you think I come here for any reason besides pure boredom, then you're all wrong. +Because -- Mrs. Robinson this is the sickest, most perverted thing that ever happened to me. And you do what you want but I'm getting the hell out. Are you? +Are you? You're goddamn right I am. +That I'm a sick and disgusting person. Now don't start this. +Now don't start this. What? +What? Don't start acting hurt. +Don't start acting hurt. Don't you expect me to be a little hurt? +Don't you expect me to be a little hurt? Mrs. Robinson, you stand there and tell me I'm not good enough for your daughter. +Mrs. Robinson, you stand there and tell me I'm not good enough for your daughter. Did I say that? +Did I say that? Of course you did. +Benjamin, I want to apologize to you if that's the impression you got. Well two minutes ago you told me I wasn't good enough for your daughter. Now you say you're sorry I got that impression. +Well two minutes ago you told me I wasn't good enough for your daughter. Now you say you're sorry I got that impression. I didn't mean it. I don't think you'd be right for each other. But I would never say you weren't as good a person as she is. +I didn't mean it. I don't think you'd be right for each other. But I would never say you weren't as good a person as she is. You wouldn't. +You wouldn't. Of course I wouldn't. +What are you doing? Well it's pretty obvious you don't want me around any more. +Well it's pretty obvious you don't want me around any more. Well look -- I was kind of upset there. I'm sorry I said those things. +Well look -- I was kind of upset there. I'm sorry I said those things. If that's how you feel -- +If that's how you feel -- But it's not. +But it's not. That's all right. I think I can understand why I'm disgusting to you. +That's all right. I think I can understand why I'm disgusting to you. Oh no. Look -- I like you. I wouldn't keep coming here if I didn't like you. +Oh no. Look -- I like you. I wouldn't keep coming here if I didn't like you. But if it's sickening for you -- +But if it's sickening for you -- It's not! I enjoy it! I look forward to it. It's the one thing I have to look forward to. +It's not! I enjoy it! I look forward to it. It's the one thing I have to look forward to. You don't have to say that. +You don't have to say that. Well I wouldn't. I would never say it if it wasn't true. +Well I wouldn't. I would never say it if it wasn't true. May I stay then? +May I stay then? Yes. Please. I want you to. +Yes. Please. I want you to. Thank you. +Thank you. Well don't thank me, because I want you to. +Look. Why the hell did you bring this up. It never occurred to me to take her out. Then give me your word you won't. +Then give me your word you won't. This is absurd. +This is absurd. Promise me, Benjamin. +Promise me, Benjamin. All right, for christ's sake. I promise I will never take out Elaine Robinson. +All right, for christ's sake. I promise I will never take out Elaine Robinson. Thank you. Benjamin -- +Thank you. Benjamin -- Let's not talk about it. Let's not talk at all. +Now listen -- this was not my idea. It was my father's idea. Benjamin -- I thought I made myself perfectly clear about this. +Benjamin -- I thought I made myself perfectly clear about this. Look, we'll go out to dinner and have a drink and I'll bring her back. Because it was either that or a dinner party for the two families. And I'm afraid I couldn't quite handle that, if you don't mind. I have no intention of ever taking your precious daughter out again in her life. So don't get upset about it. +Look, we'll go out to dinner and have a drink and I'll bring her back. Because it was either that or a dinner party for the two families. And I'm afraid I couldn't quite handle that, if you don't mind. I have no intention of ever taking your precious daughter out again in her life. So don't get upset about it. But I am. I'm extremely upset about it, Benjamin. +Drive down the block. Mrs. Robinson -- I have a date with Elaine. We're going for a drive. +Mrs. Robinson -- I have a date with Elaine. We're going for a drive. Do exactly what I say. +Now it seems to me -- Listen to me very carefully, Benjamin. You are not to see Elaine again. Ever. Those are my orders. Is that clear? +Mrs. Robinson -- I can makes things quite unpleasant. +I can makes things quite unpleasant. How? +How? In order to keep Elaine away from you -- I am prepared to tell her everything. +In order to keep Elaine away from you -- I am prepared to tell her everything. I don't believe you. +I don't believe you. Then you'd better start believing me. +Then you'd better start believing me. Mrs. Robinson, don't wreck it. I'm asking you please not to wreck it. +Mrs. Robinson, don't wreck it. I'm asking you please not to wreck it. Go home now. +Go home now. I just don't believe you would do that. +Hello. Get me the police, please. Where is Elaine? +Where is Elaine? I'll be with you in a moment, Benjamin. Will you send a police car to twelve hundred Glenview Road. We have a burgler here. Just a second. I'll ask him. Are you armed? No -- I don't believe he is. Thank you. +What have you done to her? I think we have everything quite under control now, Benjamin. Would you like a quick drink before you go? +You can't stop me from seeing her, Mrs. Robinson. I'll find her. I'm sorry we won't be able to invite you to the wedding, Benjamin, but the arrangements have been so rushed -- +I'm sorry we won't be able to invite you to the wedding, Benjamin, but the arrangements have been so rushed -- What the hell have you done? +Ahh. I don't think you'll have time for that drink after all. I'll find her. +I'll find her. I don't think so. +I say I've got it. Sir? +Sir? The toothbrush. I got it all right. +The toothbrush. I got it all right. Very good, sir. +Very good, sir. Yes. Well -- goodnight. +Yes. Well -- goodnight. Goodnight, sir. +No -- actually I'm not -- I'd like you to know my sister, Miss DeWitte -- +Braddock -- Braddock? Yes, but I'm afraid -- +Yes, but I'm afraid -- I'll find your table in a moment. Braddock. Not Braniff? We have a Braniff. +I'll find your table in a moment. Braddock. Not Braniff? We have a Braniff. No -- actually I'm just looking for a friend. +No -- actually I'm just looking for a friend. I'm afraid I don't understand. +I'm afraid I don't understand. I'm not with your party -- I'm sorry. +I'm not with your party -- I'm sorry. Hey -- I don't get it. +Say hello to Mrs. Robinson, Benjamin. Hello, Mrs. Robinson. +Can I talk to you a minute? Sure. +Sure. Benjamin? I'm going to ask you something but you don't have to tell me if you don't want. +Benjamin? I'm going to ask you something but you don't have to tell me if you don't want. What? +What? Well I'm going to ask you what you do when you go off at night. +Well I'm going to ask you what you do when you go off at night. When I go off? +When I go off? You don't have to tell me if you don't want. +You don't have to tell me if you don't want. No, I do. I want to tell you. +I drive around. What else? +What else? Nothing else. +Nothing else. Well you don't drive around from midnight until noon the next day, Benjamin. +Well you don't drive around from midnight until noon the next day, Benjamin. Oh, no. +Oh, no. Then what do you do? Do you meet someone? +Then what do you do? Do you meet someone? Meet someone? +Why did you say that? Well this is your business, Benjamin. If you -- +Well this is your business, Benjamin. If you -- No wait. Wait. +I don't meet anyone, mother, but why did you say that? Benjamin, I'm not going to pry into your affairs, but I'd rather you didn't say anything at all than be dishonest. Goodnight, Benjamin. +Benjamin, I'm not going to pry into your affairs, but I'd rather you didn't say anything at all than be dishonest. Goodnight, Benjamin. Well, wait. +Well why do you -- why do you think that? Because I know you don't drive around for twelve hours. +Because I know you don't drive around for twelve hours. Oh. Well, I don't. Shall I tell you what I do? +Oh. Well, I don't. Shall I tell you what I do? Not if you don't want to. +Not if you don't want to. I do. +I do. But I don't want you to make up something. +But I don't want you to make up something. I'm not. But I'm -- I'm not very proud of what I do. I usually get kind of drunk. I usually drive over to Los Angeles and go to some bars and get kind of drunk. Then I take a hotel room. So I won't have to drive home on the freeway. I mean it kind of scares me to drive home after -- +I'm not. But I'm -- I'm not very proud of what I do. I usually get kind of drunk. I usually drive over to Los Angeles and go to some bars and get kind of drunk. Then I take a hotel room. So I won't have to drive home on the freeway. I mean it kind of scares me to drive home after -- Goodnight, Benjamin. +Goodnight, Benjamin. You believe me, don't you? +You believe me, don't you? No. +No. You don't? +But I want you to. Please. Please will you believe me. Goodnight. +It's pretty embarrassing. I really don't know what to tell Mr. Robinson. It's awkward and strained for me every time he suggests that you call up Elaine. Next time he suggests it, I'll tell him I have no intention of ever calling her up in my life. +Don't go on like this. Now if Benjamin absolutely refuses to take her out -- I do. +I do. -- then I'll simply invite all the Robinsons' over for dinner on Thursday. +I'm going up to Berkeley today. Oh, Ben -- this is so -- exciting -- +They don't know? No -- they don't. +No -- they don't. Well -- when did you decide all this? +Well -- when did you decide all this? About an hour ago. +When did you two talk this over? We haven't. +I'm just -- -- worried? +-- worried? Well -- +Well -- About what? +About what? I guess -- about my future. +I guess -- about my future. What about it? +What about it? I don't know. I want it to be -- +I don't know. I want it to be -- To be what? +To be what? Different. +Why? Well -- it's very comfortable -- just to drift here. +Well -- it's very comfortable -- just to drift here. Have you thought about graduate school? +Have you thought about graduate school? No. +No. Would you mind telling me then -- what were those four years of college for? What was the point of all that hard work? +Would you mind telling me then -- what were those four years of college for? What was the point of all that hard work? You got me. +You got me. Now listen, Ben. I think it's a very good thing that a young man -- after he's done some very good work -- should have a chance to relax and enjoy himself, and lie around, and drink beer and so on. But after a few weeks I believe that person would want to take some stock in himself and his situation and start to think about getting off his ass. +I guess she's not good enough for you, is that it? Look -- Elaine Robinson and I do not get along. +Look -- Elaine Robinson and I do not get along. How do you know? You haven't seen her since high school. I guess your evenings, whatever you do with them, are just too valuable. +How do you know? You haven't seen her since high school. I guess your evenings, whatever you do with them, are just too valuable. That has nothing to do with it -- +That has nothing to do with it -- I guess I'll just tell Mr. Robinson that you're just too busy every evening -- doing God knows what -- +Say that again. I'm going to marry Elaine Robinson. +Come on, let's call the Robinsons. We've got something to celebrate. No. I think you'll want to wait on that. +Wait a minute. You talked to Elaine this morning? No. She doesn't know about it. +No. She doesn't know about it. She doesn't know that you're coming up to Berkeley? +She doesn't know that you're coming up to Berkeley? No. Actually -- she doesn't know about us getting married yet. +Ben -- this whole idea sounds pretty half-baked. No -- it's not. It's completely baked. It's a decision I've made. +I drove -- I drove Mrs. Robinson home. She wanted me to drive her home so I -- I drove her home. Swell. I appreciate it. +Swell. I appreciate it. She's upstairs. She wanted me to wait down here till you got home. +She's upstairs. She wanted me to wait down here till you got home. Standing guard over the old castle, are you? +Standing guard over the old castle, are you? Yes, sir. +Here. It looks like you need a refill. Oh no. +Oh no. What? +What? I've got to go. +I've got to go. Is anything wrong? You look a little shaken up. +Is anything wrong? You look a little shaken up. No. No -- I'm just -- I'm just a little worried about my future. I'm a little upset about my future. +Thank you very much, sir. Ben -- how old are you now? +Ben -- how old are you now? Twenty. I'll be twenty-one next week. +Twenty. I'll be twenty-one next week. That's a hell of a good age to be. +That's a hell of a good age to be. Thank you. +Thank you. I wish I was that age again. Because, Ben -- +I wish I was that age again. Because, Ben -- Sir? +Sir? You'll never be young again. +You'll never be young again. I know. +I know. Ben, can I say something to you? +Ben, can I say something to you? What? +What? How long have we known each other now? +How long have you and I known each other? How long have your Dad and I been partners? Quite a while. +Quite a while. I've watched you grow up, Ben. +I've watched you grow up, Ben. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. In many ways I feel as though you were my own son. +In many ways I feel as though you were my own son. Thank you. +Thank you. So I hope you won't mind my giving you a friendly piece of advice. +So I hope you won't mind my giving you a friendly piece of advice. I'd like to hear it. +I'd like to hear it. Ben -- I think -- I think you ought to be taking it a little easier right now than you seem to. +You have yourself a few flings this summer. I bet you're quite a ladies' man. Oh no. +Oh no. What? You look like the kind of guy that has to fight them off. Doesn't he look to you like the kind of guy who has to fight them off? +Oh say -- Elaine gets down from Berkeley on Saturday. Oh yes. +Oh yes. Ben -- I want you to give her a call. +Ben -- I want you to give her a call. I will. +I will. Great. +Hi, Ben. What are you doing with yourself these days? Oh -- not too much. Taking it easy. +Oh -- not too much. Taking it easy. That's what I'd do if I could. Nothing wrong with that. Hey Ben, Elaine's coming down from Berkeley soon. I want you to call her up this time. +That's what I'd do if I could. Nothing wrong with that. Hey Ben, Elaine's coming down from Berkeley soon. I want you to call her up this time. I will. +I will. Because I just think you two would hit it off real well together. +Hello. What would you say to a short one? Bourbon still your drink? +What would you say to a short one? Bourbon still your drink? Yes. +Do you want -- do you want to try and tell me why you did it? Mr. Robinson? +Mr. Robinson? Do you have a special grudge against me? Do you feel a particularly strong resentment for me? +Do you have a special grudge against me? Do you feel a particularly strong resentment for me? No, it's not -- +No, it's not -- Is there something I've said that's caused this contempt? Or is it just the things I stand for that you despise? +Is there something I've said that's caused this contempt? Or is it just the things I stand for that you despise? It was nothing to do with you, sir. +It was nothing to do with you, sir. Well, Ben, it was quite a bit to do with me. +Now look -- please -- Ben, I think we're two civilized human beings. Do you think it's necessary to threaten each other? +Ben, I think we're two civilized human beings. Do you think it's necessary to threaten each other? I am not threatening you. +I am not threatening you. Do you want to unclench your fists, please? Thank you. I can see in the dark, you know. I've been here quite a while. +Do you want to unclench your fists, please? Thank you. I can see in the dark, you know. I've been here quite a while. I am trying to tell you I have no personal feelings about you, Mr. Robinson. I am trying to tell you I do not resent you. +I am trying to tell you I have no personal feelings about you, Mr. Robinson. I am trying to tell you I do not resent you. You don't respect me terribly much either, do you? +You don't respect me terribly much either, do you? No, I don't. +No, I don't. Well, I don't think we have a whole lot to say to each other, Ben. I do think you should know the consequences of what you've done. I do think you should know that my wife and I are getting a divorce soon. +Well, I don't think we have a whole lot to say to each other, Ben. I do think you should know the consequences of what you've done. I do think you should know that my wife and I are getting a divorce soon. But why? +But why? Why? +Why? It shouldn't make any difference what happened. +It shouldn't make any difference what happened. That's quite a statement. +That's quite a statement. Listen to me. We got -- we got into bed with each other. But it was nothing. It was nothing at all. We might -- we might just as well have been shaking hands. +Listen to me. We got -- we got into bed with each other. But it was nothing. It was nothing at all. We might -- we might just as well have been shaking hands. Shaking hands. Well, that's not saying much for my wife, is it? +Shaking hands. Well, that's not saying much for my wife, is it? You miss the point. +You miss the point. Don't shout at me, Ben. +Don't shout at me, Ben. The point is -- I don't love your wife. I love your daughter, sir. +The point is -- I don't love your wife. I love your daughter, sir. Well -- I'm sure you think you do, Ben, but after a few times in bed with Elaine I feel quite sure you'd get over that as quickly as you -- +Well -- I'm sure you think you do, Ben, but after a few times in bed with Elaine I feel quite sure you'd get over that as quickly as you -- HUH? +HUH? I think I've talked about this enough. I don't know how far I can go, Ben. I don't know if I can prosecute or not, but I think maybe I can. In the light of what's happened I think maybe I can get you behind bars if you ever look at my daughter again. I have seen Elaine and I have spent the afternoon taking steps to insure... +Hello. Mrs. Robinson? +Mrs. Robinson? Yes? +Yes? It's Benjamin. +It's Benjamin. Yes? +Yes? Benjamin Braddock. +Benjamin Braddock. Benjamin -- where are you? +Benjamin -- where are you? Can you look through the glass. +Can you see me now? Yes, I can. +Are you ready in there, feature attraction? Could I speak to you for a second, Dad? +Dad -- could we just talk about this for a second? Twenty-one-years-old, ladies and gentlemen; four of those years spent accomplishing some rather extraordinary things at one of our nation's leading seats of learning -- +I can't hold them much longer, Ben. You better get out here. I'd like to discuss this. +I'd like to discuss this. This boy -- I'm sorry -- this young man -- is soon to continue his education as a Frank Halpingham Award Scholar -- but before he does -- +-- before he does -- You're disappointing them, Ben. You're disappointing them. Dad -- can you listen -- +Dad -- can you listen -- I'll give you ten seconds. He is going to give us a practical demonstration of what I feel safe in saying is a pretty exciting birthday present -- and it better work or I'm out over two hundred bucks -- so let's hear it for -- +Is anything wrong? No! No -- we're just on our way downstairs! +The Carlsons' are here. They are? Come on. +They came all the way from Tarzana. It's a wonderful thing to have so many devoted friends. +What's happening? Ben says he and Elaine are getting married. +Ben says he and Elaine are getting married. I don't believe it. +I don't believe it. That what he says. Right? +Turn 'em up. Oh yes -- that's right -- look! I win, don't I -- +I'm having luck for the first time in my life. Your bank, Mr. Kringelein. +I oughtn't to presume, but I -- I'm so grateful to you -- it's been so marvelous. The first time in my life I have gambled -- I've danced! Oh, you can laugh, gentlemen, but it's the first time in my life I've ever tasted life! Splendid! +Life, gentlemen, is wonderful, but very dangerous. You must have courage for it, then it's wonderful. You gentlemen don't know that because you are all healthy and happy, but I -- believe me -- a man must know death and not until then does a man know anything about life. Rejoice in life while yet the small lamp burns. +It's a short life and a gay one... Every glass high to life -- the splendid, dangerous, mighty, brief -- brief life -- and the courage to live it. Baron, you know -- I've only lived since last night -- but that little while seems longer than all the time before -- all the -- +Have you a minute now? No -- I told you not to come in this lobby. +No -- I told you not to come in this lobby. Time's getting short. +Time's getting short. I've told you a hundred times not to speak to me with a cigarette in your mouth. +I want to speak -- Not now. +Not now. Yes, sir. +You are late -- the dancer's gone to the theatre. Well? +Well? She's gone to the theatre -- don't you know? +She's gone to the theatre -- don't you know? Yes. +Yes. And what are you going to do? +And what are you going to do? The pearls are in her room. +The pearls are in her room. Now listen to me. The others are getting suspicious of you. I was on the telephone to Amsterdam today, they think you're scared. +Now listen to me. The others are getting suspicious of you. I was on the telephone to Amsterdam today, they think you're scared. I've been careful, I've been waiting my chance. +I've been careful, I've been waiting my chance. You've been waiting your chance. You're too much of a gentleman -- that's the trouble with you. +You've been waiting your chance. You're too much of a gentleman -- that's the trouble with you. I told you I'll get the pearls tonight. +I told you I'll get the pearls tonight. Need any help? +Need any help? No. +No. Have you got that skeleton key? +No -- Why? +Why? The floor clerk is out there in the corridor -- she sees everything --- +The floor clerk is out there in the corridor -- she sees everything --- I could take care of her. +I could take care of her. How? +How? Chloroform on a handkerchief from behind -- while you... +Chloroform on a handkerchief from behind -- while you... No -- no -- no -- no... +No -- no -- no -- no... Why? +Why? Poor girl -- chloroform would give her a rotten headache... I know -- I had it in the war. Besides, she's very pretty -- not young but -- +Poor girl -- chloroform would give her a rotten headache... I know -- I had it in the war. Besides, she's very pretty -- not young but -- You're no good for this business. It's just a joke to you... +You're no good for this business. It's just a joke to you... I don't like your tone. +I don't like your tone. No -- +Get out and leave it to me... be ready to leave on the night train for Amsterdam... With the pearls? +With the pearls? With the pearls -- +I've quit. You can't. +You can't. I'm not going to get those pearls and neither are you. +I'm not going to get those pearls and neither are you. What about the money? +What about the money? I'll pay you back. +I'll pay you back. How? +How? I have an idea working in my head... +I have an idea working in my head... You might find a bullet through that head... +You might find a bullet through that head... If you did that, you'd get nothing except the police after you. If you wait -- I'll give you your six thousand back -- +Like dancing? Not with strangers. +Never? You're a fool! +You're a fool! Yes, I am rather. +He must be very nice. Who? +Who? Whoever is keeping you waiting. +Whoever is keeping you waiting. Have you seen it? +Have you seen it? Oh, my large and noisy neighbor -- really? That? +Oh, my large and noisy neighbor -- really? That? That. +That. You? +You? Oh -- work!! +Oh -- work!! Oh! +Oh! Dictation. You know... +Dictation. You know... Oh... poor child. If you were free, I'd ask you to come and have some tea -- but -- +Oh... poor child. If you were free, I'd ask you to come and have some tea -- but -- Tea would spoil my dinner. One meal a day, I'd hate to spoil it. +Tea would spoil my dinner. One meal a day, I'd hate to spoil it. Reducing? +Reducing? No -- why? -- should I? +No -- why? -- should I? Lord no -- charming -- but why one meal a day? +Lord no -- charming -- but why one meal a day? Money -- Ever heard of it? +Money -- Ever heard of it? Yes -- yes indeed -- but you are a... ...a stenographer. Don't little stenographers earn little pennies? +Yes -- yes indeed -- but you are a... ...a stenographer. Don't little stenographers earn little pennies? Very little. +Very little. Too bad. +Too bad. Did you ever see a stenographer with a decent frock on? -- One that she'd bought herself? +Did you ever see a stenographer with a decent frock on? -- One that she'd bought herself? Poor child -- I wish I were free tonight -- we could -- +Poor child -- I wish I were free tonight -- we could -- Aren't you? +Aren't you? What? +What? Free -- +Free -- Unfortunately no -- to bad -- tomorrow though. +Unfortunately no -- to bad -- tomorrow though. Tomorrow? What time tomorrow? +Tomorrow? What time tomorrow? Shall we say five o'clock -- downstairs? +Shall we say five o'clock -- downstairs? Where downstairs? +Where downstairs? Yellow Room where they dance -- +Yellow Room where they dance -- You're very funny -- +You're very funny -- Yes? -- Tomorrow? +Yes? -- Tomorrow? Of course. +Of course. Really? +We'll dance. All right. We'll dance. +I'd given you up. Sorry. +Chasing around. Chasing what? +Chasing what? Money. +You were very different yesterday. Yesterday -- yes -- that was yesterday. +That was lovely. Will you do me a big favor? +Will you do me a big favor? I'll do anything for you. +I'll do anything for you. Would you like to make a man happy? +Would you like to make a man happy? Yes -- I'd love to. +Yes -- I'd love to. Then dance the next number with Kringelein. +Then dance the next number with Kringelein. Why? +Why? I feel sorry for him. +I feel sorry for him. You're not a bit like you were yesterday. +You're not a bit like you were yesterday. I fell in love last night -- the real thing. +I fell in love last night -- the real thing. Oh -- there's no real thing -- it doesn't exist. +Oh -- there's no real thing -- it doesn't exist. I thought that, too -- but I found that it does. Come along, dance with Kringelein. +I thought that, too -- but I found that it does. Come along, dance with Kringelein. Anything for you. +Going? Yes -- +Flaemmchen, what are you doing here in the middle of the night. Looking for my room -- one sixty- six. +Looking for my room -- one sixty- six. You live here? +You live here? For tonight. +For tonight. Oh! +Oh! Yes -- oh! +Yes -- oh! Well -- such is life, Flaemmchen. +Well -- such is life, Flaemmchen. And Baron, thanks so much for everything. +Please do not be frightened, Madam. What do you want here? +What do you want here? Nothing -- only to be here. +Nothing -- only to be here. Why do you hide in my room? +Why do you hide in my room? But surely you must know -- because I love you. +But surely you must know -- because I love you. Because you love me -- you love me? +Poor little Grusinskaya! Does it do you good to cry? Are you afraid? Shall I go? I was so alone -- always alone -- and suddenly you were there and said that. No. I am not afraid. It is strange. +I was so alone -- always alone -- and suddenly you were there and said that. No. I am not afraid. It is strange. Don't cry -- it tears my heart to see you sob like that. +Don't cry -- it tears my heart to see you sob like that. Nerves -- just nerves. You must forgive me. I have had a bad evening. I am very tired. Do you know what it is to be tired -- tired of a routine existence? +Nerves -- just nerves. You must forgive me. I have had a bad evening. I am very tired. Do you know what it is to be tired -- tired of a routine existence? I'm afraid not -- I usually do just what I feel like doing at the moment. +So you feel like coming into a lady's room -- and you come... What now? I'd like to smoke a cigarette. +I'd like to smoke a cigarette. Certainly. +Why do you look at me like that? I did not know you were so beautiful... and -- +I did not know you were so beautiful... and -- And then --? +And then --? No irony. You're so appealing -- so soft -- so tired. I feel like taking you in my arms and not letting anything more happen to you -- ever. +No irony. You're so appealing -- so soft -- so tired. I feel like taking you in my arms and not letting anything more happen to you -- ever. And -- and -- +And -- and -- How tired you are! +How tired you are! Yes -- tired... +Yes -- tired... So alone. +So alone. Alone. All alone. Oh, you strange -- strange creature. +Alone. All alone. Oh, you strange -- strange creature. You mustn't talk Russian to me. +You mustn't talk Russian to me. Strange man... +Strange man... Am I quite strange to you? +Am I quite strange to you? Not quite strange now. It is as if I had been expecting you. You know, once when the Grand Duke was alive, I found a man hiding in my room -- a young officer -- +Not quite strange now. It is as if I had been expecting you. You know, once when the Grand Duke was alive, I found a man hiding in my room -- a young officer -- And...? +And...? He disappeared. Later he was found dead. +He disappeared. Later he was found dead. I never knew it was so dangerous to hide in a woman's room when she's alone. +I never knew it was so dangerous to hide in a woman's room when she's alone. Go away. Who are you --? +Go away. Who are you --? A man who could love -- that is all, who has forgotten everything else for you. +A man who could love -- that is all, who has forgotten everything else for you. You could love me. It is so long since I have heard that word. Nobody has loved me for a long time. It is so icy-cold to be famous. One is so cruelly alone. How is it that you -- Let me look at you. Your hands. Your eyes. Why could you love me? +You could love me. It is so long since I have heard that word. Nobody has loved me for a long time. It is so icy-cold to be famous. One is so cruelly alone. How is it that you -- Let me look at you. Your hands. Your eyes. Why could you love me? I saw you just now -- then I saw you cry -- and now I see you in the mirror -- Grusinskaya... +I saw you just now -- then I saw you cry -- and now I see you in the mirror -- Grusinskaya... Grusinskaya... Oh -- oh if you knew how I slaved and slaved for Grusinskaya -- for the success of Grusinskaya -- for the triumph of Grusinskaya... and what is she now? Just someone who has found that on the day success ceases life ceases -- Are you listening to me -- Do you understand? -- I want you to understand. +Grusinskaya... Oh -- oh if you knew how I slaved and slaved for Grusinskaya -- for the success of Grusinskaya -- for the triumph of Grusinskaya... and what is she now? Just someone who has found that on the day success ceases life ceases -- Are you listening to me -- Do you understand? -- I want you to understand. Yes -- I do understand. +Yes -- I do understand. I think you must go now -- the key is on the floor. +I think you must go now -- the key is on the floor. I'm not going -- You know I'm not going -- Let me stay here? +I'm not going -- You know I'm not going -- Let me stay here? I want to be alone. +I want to be alone. That is not so -- you don't want to be alone. +That is not so -- you don't want to be alone. I want to be alone -- +I want to be alone -- No -- You don't want to be alone at all -- You were in despair before -- If I left you, you'd feel worse than you did before, You must not be alone -- You mustn't cry -- you must forget... Tell me that I can stay with you -- tell me. +No -- You don't want to be alone at all -- You were in despair before -- If I left you, you'd feel worse than you did before, You must not be alone -- You mustn't cry -- you must forget... Tell me that I can stay with you -- tell me. Just for a minute then. +The stage frays one's nerves... the discipline -- it's so exacting. Discipline means doing what you don't want to do and take no pleasure in doing. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever experienced the weariness that comes from discipline? I? -- Oh, no. I do only what I take pleasure in doing. +I see -- you do only what you take pleasure in doing. You take pleasure in coming into a woman's bedroom and you come. You take pleasure in a dangerous climb onto a balcony, so you do it... And what is your pleasure now? I should like to smoke. +Why do you smile? Because I can see something in the mirror that you cannot. My dear -- +Because I can see something in the mirror that you cannot. My dear -- What can you see? +What can you see? You are beautiful! +You are beautiful! No. +No. Beautiful but so sad. I did not know it was so dangerous to look into a woman's bedroom. +I'm not going... You know that I'm not going... Do you think I could leave you alone here? After that --? What? +What? The veronal -- you. I'm going to stay here with you. +The veronal -- you. I'm going to stay here with you. I want to be alone. +I want to be alone. That is not the truth. You do not want to be alone -- you're afraid of being alone -- I know you're afraid. I know you. You were desperate, just now, if I go away you'll be more desperate than ever. Say I am to stay with you... say it. +Oh -- I was ambitious then -- ambition was in my blood -- no rest, no stopping. We were drilled like little soldiers -- We danced in the school of the Imperial Ballet, in St. Petersburg. I was little and slim but hard as diamond -- a duty machine -- No rest, no stopping. And then -- I became famous and whoever is famous is alone... But why should I be telling you this? Last night I did not know you at all -- who are you, really? -- I do not even know your name. I am Felix Benvenuto von Gaigern. My mother called me Flix. +I am Felix Benvenuto von Gaigern. My mother called me Flix. Flix. -- And how do you live? What kind of a person are you? +Flix. -- And how do you live? What kind of a person are you? I'm a prodigal son, the black sheep of a white flock -- I shall die on the gallows. +I'm a prodigal son, the black sheep of a white flock -- I shall die on the gallows. Really? +Really? Really, I haven't a bit of character. None at all. +Really, I haven't a bit of character. None at all. No? +No? When I was a little boy I was taught to ride and be a gentleman -- at school, it was a monastery, I learned to pray and lie -- and --- +When I was a little boy I was taught to ride and be a gentleman -- at school, it was a monastery, I learned to pray and lie -- and --- And? +And? And then, in the war, to kill and hide. That's all. +And then, in the war, to kill and hide. That's all. And what do you do -- now? +And what do you do -- now? I'm a gambler -- I'm running at large like a happy pig, devouring anything of life that pleases me, I really belong in jail +I'm a gambler -- I'm running at large like a happy pig, devouring anything of life that pleases me, I really belong in jail Oh! What a picture -- and what else? +Oh! What a picture -- and what else? I'm also a criminal and a hotel thief. +I'm also a criminal and a hotel thief. That's a silly joke. +That's a silly joke. Please look at me. You must believe me -- you must believe that I love you -- that I have never known what love is -- until last night. +Please look at me. You must believe me -- you must believe that I love you -- that I have never known what love is -- until last night. What is the matter? +There. Oh -- +You may keep the pearls -- I don't want them any more -- I'll make you a present of them. I don't want them now. +I don't want them now. I'll not denounce you. +I'll not denounce you. I know. +I know. So -- +So -- Yesterday I was a thief -- but now, -- +Yesterday I was a thief -- but now, -- But now, you must go... I give you the pearls. But now you must go --- +But now, you must go... I give you the pearls. But now you must go --- I wanted money desperately -- Can you understand? -- That's why I wanted the pearls. I was threatened -- I was desperately in need of a certain big sum of money. I've been following you -- I've admired you. But I have forced myself not to think about you -- Last night, at last, I managed to came into your room and -- and now. +I wanted money desperately -- Can you understand? -- That's why I wanted the pearls. I was threatened -- I was desperately in need of a certain big sum of money. I've been following you -- I've admired you. But I have forced myself not to think about you -- Last night, at last, I managed to came into your room and -- and now. And now? +And now? I couldn't go through with it. Remarkable. +Do you understand? Yes -- yes -- yes. +Grusinskaya -- Yes. +Yes. You do believe that I really love you? +You do believe that I really love you? Yes -- If I didn't believe that, I'd die after last night. +Yes -- If I didn't believe that, I'd die after last night. I want to be good to you -- madly good. +I want to be good to you -- madly good. Suzette will be back here in a minute. +Suzette will be back here in a minute. I'll go -- good-bye. +I'll go -- good-bye. Shall I see you again? +Shall I see you again? I -- +Suzette will be back here any minute. When are you leaving Berlin? +When are you leaving Berlin? Very early in the morning. +Very early in the morning. For Vienna? +For Vienna? Can't -- can't you -- Couldn't you come too -- I think it would be better -- for us -- for us both. +Can't -- can't you -- Couldn't you come too -- I think it would be better -- for us -- for us both. Oh -- yes but -- later. +Oh -- yes but -- later. Why later? +Why later? I have no money now -- I must get some first -- I must get some. +I have no money now -- I must get some first -- I must get some. I'll give you what you need -- I have money. +I'll give you what you need -- I have money. Oh no -- that would spoil everything. I'll -- I will manage somehow -- I'll manage myself. I will go with you. When does the train leave? +Oh no -- that would spoil everything. I'll -- I will manage somehow -- I'll manage myself. I will go with you. When does the train leave? Six twenty-seven in the morning... But the money? +Six twenty-seven in the morning... But the money? Never mind -- I'll get it. I have a whole day. I'll be on that train. +You must go now. Be careful on your way to your room. I'll go. -- I love you. I'll be on that train. I'll get the money. +Don't do anything foolish -- I'm alarmed about you. Don't worry. I'll be on the train. He leaves. +Bless you... Are you coming to the theatre? Oh -- I shall dance tonight -- How I shall dance -- I want to feel that you are in the theatre. +Are you coming to the theatre? Oh -- I shall dance tonight -- How I shall dance -- I want to feel that you are in the theatre. I can't. +I can't. No? +No? No! I can't explain now. Oh, look -- the pearls. You wear them now... +No! I can't explain now. Oh, look -- the pearls. You wear them now... Why do you think -- +Why do you think -- Why? +Why? They've brought me such good luck -- you -- +I'm worried about you. Don't. +Don't. On the train? +On the train? Yes -- I will be on the train. +Yes -- I will be on the train. Till then. +Till then. Bless you -- +Thank you, sir. Not at all, sir. +Not at all, sir. Permit me -- my name is Kringelein -- from Fredersdorf. +Permit me -- my name is Kringelein -- from Fredersdorf. I'm Baron von Gaigern. +I'm Baron von Gaigern. Oh, a Baron! +And this is Doctor Otternschlag. Oh -- Doctor -- you are a Doctor -- I am -- +What's the matter, Mr. Kringelein? General Director Preysing! Baron, when I was sixteen years old, I started as an office boy in that man's factory -- +General Director Preysing! Baron, when I was sixteen years old, I started as an office boy in that man's factory -- Then you know him? +Then you know him? Do I know him -- I know him through and through. +Baron, we must have gone a hundred miles an hour, at least... Yes, quite. +Yes, quite. We've been together all day... and in an aeroplane. +I'm going to change and we'll meet for a drink in the Yellow Room. In the Yellow Room, where the music's playing and the ladies are? +In the Yellow Room, where the music's playing and the ladies are? Where the music's playing and the ladies are... +Hello -- sorry I'm late. Oh -- here you are, Baron. A drink -- A Louisiana flip? +Oh -- here you are, Baron. A drink -- A Louisiana flip? Hello, Mr. Kringelein. How do you feel now? +Hello, Mr. Kringelein. How do you feel now? A little strange, Baron. +A drink, Baron -- A Louisiana flip? No thanks -- keeping my head clear. +The Baron is tired? No, Kringelein, not tired, -- just -- Well -- well -- +No, Kringelein, not tired, -- just -- Well -- well -- Perhaps this evening, Baron, we could go to the Casino -- the place we passed with the marvelous bright lights? +Perhaps this evening, Baron, we could go to the Casino -- the place we passed with the marvelous bright lights? I'd like to Kringelein, but I can't -- I am broke! +I'd like to Kringelein, but I can't -- I am broke! Broke -- A Baron? But, Baron -- +Was the Baron joking, or is it really true that the Baron is -- in financial straits. Absolutely true, Kringelein and I have to raise some money immediately. +Absolutely true, Kringelein and I have to raise some money immediately. If the Baron -- if you would permit me -- +What? I would be awfully glad to oblige, you've been so decent to me. Three hundred? +I would be awfully glad to oblige, you've been so decent to me. Three hundred? If I could get into a game I might win some. +If I could get into a game I might win some. Gambling! I'd like that. I have over six thousand eight hundred marks with me. +Gambling! I'd like that. I have over six thousand eight hundred marks with me. If we could scare up some men to play. +If we could scare up some men to play. We could come to my room. +We could come to my room. Good! +Ready, Kringelein? Ready, Baron. +Is that too much, Baron? No -- not at all. +No -- not at all. All right then. +All right then. All right then. +That was my last. You've lost everything? +You've lost everything? I've no luck. +I've no luck. Pardon me, Baron. Permit me again... +Drink to me, Kringelein -- it's my last chance. I do drink, Baron -- I drink to you, Baron and to win. It's good, -- come along, Baron. +I take five hundred. All of that at once, Baron? +Here -- here it is. Here's your pocketbook, Kringelein. Oh -- yes -- that's it -- you found it -- you found it for me, Baron. +Oh -- yes -- that's it -- you found it -- you found it for me, Baron. Goodnight, Kringelein. +Goodnight, Kringelein. No -- no please -- oh, don't go -- don't go -- don't leave me alone, Baron. +You're all right now -- it's very late -- goodnight, Kringelein. Oh, no, stay here, Baron -- stay. +Good evening -- my key -- one sixty- eight. Good evening, Mr. Pimenov. +Good evening, Mr. Pimenov. Oh -- good evening, Baron. +Oh -- good evening, Baron. How's the beautiful lady? +How's the beautiful lady? Grusinskaya -- well, to tell the truth, Baron -- tonight we are a little bit nervous. Were you at the theatre last night? +Grusinskaya -- well, to tell the truth, Baron -- tonight we are a little bit nervous. Were you at the theatre last night? Certainly -- always when Grusinskaya dances. +Certainly -- always when Grusinskaya dances. Well -- last night was not so good. +Well -- last night was not so good. I thought she was splendid! +I thought she was splendid! Yes -- but the audience. +It's always so quiet here. If you occupied the room next to Madam Grusinskaya, you would appreciate the quiet of a hotel lobby. +If you occupied the room next to Madam Grusinskaya, you would appreciate the quiet of a hotel lobby. My dear sir, I would gladly change rooms with you. +My dear sir, I would gladly change rooms with you. No doubt you would, Baron. But do you know, I'm quite indispensable to her. I'm her ballet master and her nurse. I hardly belong to myself anymore. But, there you are, it's Grusinskaya -- you can't help adoring her. +The war. That is Doctor Otternschlag -- You know him? +That is Doctor Otternschlag -- You know him? Yes -- He always seems to be waiting for something -- and nothing ever comes. +Yes -- He always seems to be waiting for something -- and nothing ever comes. The war dropped him here and forgot him. +The war dropped him here and forgot him. Yes, I was in the war. +Perhaps you could present me now, Mr. Pimenov. Please, Baron -- forgive me -- not now -- here she is. +Pardon me, the lady has urgent business here with me. Insolent -- Berlin manners. +Oh, let the poor devil alone. I did not ask your advice. +I think it would be much better if you went away. We shall see who remains here the longer. +We shall see who remains here the longer. As you will. +Aha! -- The Baron. What do you want here? I must have made a mistake. +I must have made a mistake. Made a mistake -- remarkable. We shall soon see if you made a mistake. Stay here... Give me that money. +So that's how we stand, Baron. Look here, sir -- I'm completely at your mercy -- I'm desperate -- it's a matter of life or death -- I had to get some money -- tonight. +Look here, sir -- I'm completely at your mercy -- I'm desperate -- it's a matter of life or death -- I had to get some money -- tonight. Indeed you must, Baron -- you must. Humm -- humm, but you must go to jail, Baron, you're a thief. +Indeed you must, Baron -- you must. Humm -- humm, but you must go to jail, Baron, you're a thief. Be quiet. +Be quiet. I'm going to call the police. I'm going to watch you play the great Baron with the police. Aristocrat! Aristocrat! +Hello! Hello! -- Don't do that. +Is that for me? No -- Madam Grusinskaya's car is to be brought. +No -- Madam Grusinskaya's car is to be brought. Madam Grusinskaya's car is to be brought. +For me? No -- Madam Grusinskaya's car is not to be brought. +No -- Madam Grusinskaya's car is not to be brought. Madam Grusinskaya's car is not to be brought. +For me? No -- letters to two-eighty. +No -- letters to two-eighty. If a young woman, a stenographer, -- etc. +The stenographer is to go up -- Mr. Preysing telephoned. Mr. Preysing -- one sixty-four. +Madam Grusinskaya -- at once -- Your chauffeur's been waiting, Baron. +The night clerk has already gone -- you are late. Man -- I was at the clinic the whole night -- there are no words to describe what my wife suffered. +Man -- I was at the clinic the whole night -- there are no words to describe what my wife suffered. And the child isn't coming? +And the child isn't coming? No -- no -- not yet. Well, I mustn't let it interfere with my duty. Any news here? +No -- no -- not yet. Well, I mustn't let it interfere with my duty. Any news here? News? Yes -- killing in number one- sixty-four. +News? Yes -- killing in number one- sixty-four. What? -- Who? -- Whom? +What? -- Who? -- Whom? The big manufacturer killed Baron von Gaigern. +The big manufacturer killed Baron von Gaigern. Good heavens. What for? +Good heavens. What for? I don't know. +I don't know. Man -- that's terrible. He was a nice fellow -- I am sorry about him. +Man -- that's terrible. He was a nice fellow -- I am sorry about him. It seems that he was a thief and an imposter. +It seems that he was a thief and an imposter. I don't believe it -- he was a real gentleman. I know people... I'm so tired I can hardly see out of my eyes. No sleep for two nights and so many duties and now this killing in the hotel -- that means a lot of work. But it's too bad about the Baron, you always felt better when he came along -- always friendly -- such an agreeable fellow. +I don't believe it -- he was a real gentleman. I know people... I'm so tired I can hardly see out of my eyes. No sleep for two nights and so many duties and now this killing in the hotel -- that means a lot of work. But it's too bad about the Baron, you always felt better when he came along -- always friendly -- such an agreeable fellow. Most imposters are -- +Any letters? No, Doctor. +No, Doctor. Telegrams? +Telegrams? No, Doctor. +No, Doctor. Anyone asked for me? +Anyone asked for me? Nobody, Doctor. +Any letters? No, doctor. +I came here from a long distance to stay at the Grand Hotel. I want a room -- a big room -- like you would give General Director Preysing -- I'm as good as Mr. Preysing -- I can pay like Mr. Preysing -- would you give him a little room, way up in the corner with the hot water pipes going -- bang -- bang -- bang... This gentleman can have my room. +This gentleman can have my room. Oh! +Oh! Send his bags up to my room. +Send his bags up to my room. Oh -- but -- I -- +Oh -- but -- I -- You're tired. I can see that. +You're tired. I can see that. Yes -- yes -- I am tired. I have been ill... +Yes -- yes -- I am tired. I have been ill... You are ill. +I know -- I know -- when a man's collar is an inch too big for him -- I know he is ill. Yes -- Oh -- oh -- yes, -- +You will stay, Doctor -- if you have nothing better to do? I have nothing better to do, Mr. Kringelein. +Oh, but Doctor. Isn't this wonderful. To live -- to live -- in the Grand Hotel. The Grand Hotel. +The Grand Hotel. Oh, but Doctor. The music -- the champagne -- girls when they dance -- all the shining ice in those big silver things -- That's life -- +Oh, but Doctor. The music -- the champagne -- girls when they dance -- all the shining ice in those big silver things -- That's life -- Life! -- Mr. Kringelein, you are drunk -- good night. +Life! -- Mr. Kringelein, you are drunk -- good night. But Doctor -- +Life is changing you, Mr. Kringelein. Yes, thanks to the Baron. The best shops, the very best. Look, Doctor, silk -- feels so nice on the skin... a London hat, see -- made in England, that's silk, too -- fifty marks... Look, the price is on it. That was half my salary before. The Baron is a very fine gentleman -- no one in my life has been so nice to me as the Baron. +No pain, Mr. Kringelein? Pain? Oh, no, Doctor. I think if I had pain I'd be too happy to notice it... +Barman -- whiskey -- For you, Mr. Kringelein? For me? -- Oh, please, something sweet and cold. +Well, Mr. Kringelein, are you getting what you're looking for? What, Doctor? +What, Doctor? A masculine paradise -- drink, the ladies, dancing... +A masculine paradise -- drink, the ladies, dancing... I had a very good opportunity, a young lady asked me to dance -- I ought to be able to dance, it seems to be very important. +I had a very good opportunity, a young lady asked me to dance -- I ought to be able to dance, it seems to be very important. You must learn as quickly as your time allows -- Believe me Mr. Kringelein, a man who isn't with a woman is a dead man. +You must learn as quickly as your time allows -- Believe me Mr. Kringelein, a man who isn't with a woman is a dead man. Haven't you anyone -- Haven't you anybody -- you -- I mean -- Are you all alone in the world. +Haven't you anyone -- Haven't you anybody -- you -- I mean -- Are you all alone in the world. I'm always alone -- I have been everything. +I'm always alone -- I have been everything. Everything? +Everything? I was sent as a military surgeon to South Africa. Stinking climate. Taken prisoner. Home on parole not to fight. I was a surgeon in the Great War till the end. Grenade in the face. Carried diphtheria bacilli in the wound until 1920. Isolated two years. I've been everything. +Excuse me, gentlemen. I'll take the bank -- All right, gentlemen. +Over -- over so soon -- it has just begun. Oh, the pain. Try and sleep, Kringelein, don't be afraid. +Try and sleep, Kringelein, don't be afraid. I'd like to live a little longer but -- I'm not afraid to die -- I'm not... +There is no pocketbook here... On the floor probably. More than fourteen thousand marks... were in that pocketbook. +More than fourteen thousand marks... were in that pocketbook. Fourteen thousand marks... One can travel -- one's happiness might depend on fourteen thousand marks -- don't you think so, Baron? +Oh, I've got to find it. Stay where you are. +Stay where you are. No -- I must find it -- Fourteen thousand two hundred marks. +You've nothing to fear, Kringelein No. +If I could trouble the Baron to come and see this beautiful room. I have ordered champagne. Perhaps the Baroness could join us. Waiter, oh waiter! Wait a minute! We are having caviar -- it's expensive but that makes no difference -- I see the Baroness is laughing. +Waiter, oh waiter! Wait a minute! We are having caviar -- it's expensive but that makes no difference -- I see the Baroness is laughing. Have caviar if you like, but it tastes like herring to me. +You may laugh. Caviar and champagne may mean nothing to you, but to me -- they mean a great deal. You see, I'm ill and all of a sudden I got a fear of missing life. I don't want to miss life -- do you understand? You are funny. You speak of life as if it were a train you wanted to catch. +You are funny. You speak of life as if it were a train you wanted to catch. Yes -- and for me, it's going to leave at any minute. Let's drink. +I'm sure this beautiful room must appeal to your taste -- distinctive, don't you think? Velvet upholstery -- 'A-number one'. I'm in the textile trade and I know. And these are real silk drapes. Silk -- think of that -- silk -- they are, too. +Silk -- think of that -- silk -- they are, too. Have you seen the bathroom? -- Hot and cold running water -- You see, I can get a bath whenever I like. +Her master's voice! I must go now -- goodbye -- thanks. Oh, don't go. +Oh, don't go. I'm engaged for the evening. +I'm engaged for the evening. Oh, can anyone engage you for the evening? +Oh, can anyone engage you for the evening? To take dictation -- a Mr. Preysing -- Goodbye, you -- tomorrow at five o'clock. +Good evening, Mr. Kringelein -- Where's the Baron? I'm waiting for him here. The Baron and I have been together all day. A hundred miles an hour -- in a motor car -- and in an aeroplane -- It was marvelous -- +I'm waiting for him here. The Baron and I have been together all day. A hundred miles an hour -- in a motor car -- and in an aeroplane -- It was marvelous -- Mr. Kringelein -- How you have changed, you look so nice. +Mr. Kringelein -- How you have changed, you look so nice. Oh, thank you, Miss Flaemm. Oh, please, Miss Flaemm -- Permit me, Miss Flaemm, won't you have something sweet -- a Louisiana flip. A Louisiana flip. +Oh, thank you, Miss Flaemm. Oh, please, Miss Flaemm -- Permit me, Miss Flaemm, won't you have something sweet -- a Louisiana flip. A Louisiana flip. No - absinthe. +No - absinthe. Yes -- that -- +You like music? Yes -- it's stimulating -- a man might -- +Yes -- it's stimulating -- a man might -- A man might what? +A man might what? I don't know -- I'd like to do anything -- +I don't know -- I'd like to do anything -- Oh -- you would! +Dance then? She's beautiful -- isn't she? +You must look at my face and not at the floor. Yes. +Yes. You're trembling. +You're trembling. I never danced before -- in public. +I never danced before -- in public. You dance splendidly. +You dance splendidly. I'm happy, Miss Flaemm. +I'm happy, Miss Flaemm. Really? +Really? For the first time in my life, I'm happy. +Please -- please! You don't like to see me enjoying myself. +Quick -- Mr. Kringelein. Oh -- what -- what -- +Oh -- oh, Miss Flaemmchen. It's you -- Quick -- something awful -- awful has happened. Go -- go at once, -- Mr. Preysing -- +Quick -- something awful -- awful has happened. Go -- go at once, -- Mr. Preysing -- Preysing? +What's the matter? Oh -- I was thinking -- Poor Baron -- Lying there, his eyes so open. +Oh -- I was thinking -- Poor Baron -- Lying there, his eyes so open. You loved the Baron, didn't you? +You loved the Baron, didn't you? Yes -- +Yes -- So did I. He was friendly to me as no man ever was. +So did I. He was friendly to me as no man ever was. Perhaps he really was a burglar -- But they don't kill a man for that. +Perhaps he really was a burglar -- But they don't kill a man for that. He was in desperate straits. He'd been trying to raise money all day. He laughed -- Poor devil! And then a man like Preysing kills him. +He was in desperate straits. He'd been trying to raise money all day. He laughed -- Poor devil! And then a man like Preysing kills him. I didn't like Preysing right off. +I didn't like Preysing right off. Then why did you have anything to do with him? +Then why did you have anything to do with him? Money! +Money! Yes, of course, -- money! +Yes, of course, -- money! You don't understand that do you? +You don't understand that do you? Of course I do -- I never knew what money really meant till I started spending it. Do you know -- I can hardly believe that anything so beautiful should come to me from Preysing -- I'll take care of you. Will -- will you let me? +Of course I do -- I never knew what money really meant till I started spending it. Do you know -- I can hardly believe that anything so beautiful should come to me from Preysing -- I'll take care of you. Will -- will you let me? What? +What? You'll have a good time with me. Want to? I've got enough money. Ten thousand two hundred in my pocketbook. Three thousand four hundred that I won. It will last a long time. I can win more -- we'll travel. +You'll have a good time with me. Want to? I've got enough money. Ten thousand two hundred in my pocketbook. Three thousand four hundred that I won. It will last a long time. I can win more -- we'll travel. Yes -- to Paris? I wanted to go there always. +Yes -- to Paris? I wanted to go there always. Wherever you like. Here I'll give you the money I won, three thousand four hundred. Later you can have more. +Wherever you like. Here I'll give you the money I won, three thousand four hundred. Later you can have more. Later? +Later? When I -- I'm ill, Flaemmchen -- It will not be long -- I'll not last long. Will you stay with me until... +When I -- I'm ill, Flaemmchen -- It will not be long -- I'll not last long. Will you stay with me until... Nonsense! We'll find a great doctor, he'll cure you. They can cure anything these days. +Nonsense! We'll find a great doctor, he'll cure you. They can cure anything these days. Do you believe that you will have a better time with me than you would with Preysing? +Do you believe that you will have a better time with me than you would with Preysing? Oh yes, of course. +Oh yes, of course. Do you like me better? +Do you like me better? You're a good man, Mr. Kringelein -- a very good man. +Am I! Is the bill ready -- the lady's too? +How do you know there is a Grand Hotel? Oh, there must be one in Paris... They have everything in Paris. +What...! -- I'm the stenographer. +I'm the stenographer. Then you will please wait outside. +Moreover -- Moreover -- +Moreover... Moreover... +Do you work in Justice Zinnowitz' office? No -- only occasional jobs. +No -- only occasional jobs. Tired? +Tired? You pay me. +You pay me. You're a very unusual stenographer -- +You're a very unusual stenographer -- Moreover... +Moreover... Moreover... +I don't see why it's unusual for a stenographer to be pretty -- if she does her work well, -- seems so silly. I don't know why they don't like girls like me in offices. Personally, I hate offices -- I'd much rather be in the movies. Movies? +Movies? Yes, I photograph very well. Look -- +What is this? I got ten marks for that. +You... Me. +You... Moreover... +Moreover... What? +What? Only in mutual advantages -- moreover. +Only in mutual advantages -- moreover. What brown hands you have. +What brown hands you have. That's from skiing. +That's from skiing. Skiing? +Skiing? Yes... A man I know took me to Switzerland last month... +A man? -- To Switzerland? -- That must have been nice -- for him. Only in mutual advantages -- moreover... +Moreover... He was a lucky man -- that man. Perhaps. +Don't misunderstand me. I'm a married man -- with grownup daughters. Uh -- Moreover -- Do you mind if I smoke? I went to Florence once, too. +Moreover -- Do you mind if I smoke? I went to Florence once, too. With the same friend? +No. Moreover, the possibility of the successful termination of negotiations now pending with the Manchester Cotton Company... +Moreover, the possibility of the successful termination of negotiations now pending with the Manchester Cotton Company... Not too quickly. +Not too quickly. What? +What? You're a little too fast. +You're a little too fast. Can't you understand me? +Can't you understand me? I understand you perfectly. +I understand you perfectly. Have you got it now? +Have you got it now? Cotton Company -- +Cotton Company -- Should throw a great weight into the balance... +Should throw a great weight into the balance... ...weight into the balance... +How nice -- your daughters? My daughters -- yes, my daughters. +My daughters -- yes, my daughters. Is that Mrs. Preysing. +Is that Mrs. Preysing. Definitely off. +Definitely off. Oh -- too bad. Did you quarrel? +Oh -- too bad. Did you quarrel? That'll be all -- be here tomorrow at nine o'clock. +Miss Flaemm. Hello! +Hello! I must speak with you, Miss Flaemm. +I must speak with you, Miss Flaemm. Presently, Mr. Preysing. +Presently, Mr. Preysing. It's urgent. +Come and dance with me, Mr. Kringelein. I must speak to you, Miss Flaemm -- business. +I must speak to you, Miss Flaemm -- business. Tomorrow morning. +Tomorrow morning. No -- now. +No -- now. Do you gentlemen know each other, Mr. Kringelein -- Mr. Preysing -- Baron von Gaigern. +Now, children, no fighting -- save that for the office. Let's have our dance. I'll remember you, Mr. Kringelein. +Oh, yes, Mr. Preysing? Sit here. Cognac -- for you? +Sit here. Cognac -- for you? Nothing. +I'm going to keep an eye on that Kringelein fellow. I'll find out where he gets the money to hang around the Grand Hotel. Well -- you want me? +Well -- you want me? Yes. +Yes. Well? +Well? I must go to England -- at once. +I must go to England -- at once. Well? +Well? You see, I'd like to take a secretary with me for my correspondence and -- humm -- humm -- for company on the trip -- I'm nervous -- I need somebody -- I don't know if you quite understand me. You said you have travelled with gentlemen -- and I mean -- +You see, I'd like to take a secretary with me for my correspondence and -- humm -- humm -- for company on the trip -- I'm nervous -- I need somebody -- I don't know if you quite understand me. You said you have travelled with gentlemen -- and I mean -- I understand perfectly. +I understand perfectly. What do you think your salary would be -- for such a trip? +What do you think your salary would be -- for such a trip? Wait -- I must figure it up. First, I'll need -- clothes -- shoes -- it's cold in England in March, I'll need a suit... You'd want me to look nice? +Wait -- I must figure it up. First, I'll need -- clothes -- shoes -- it's cold in England in March, I'll need a suit... You'd want me to look nice? Of course -- of course. +Of course -- of course. A thousand marks -- +A thousand marks -- It's agreed -- I will get a room here for you. +Can you pay some attention to me? Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. Insolent young cub! +Insolent young cub! You mean Baron von Gaigern? +You mean Baron von Gaigern? Baron! +Baron! Well, he's a gentleman! +You are late. I've been waiting for you -- waiting. I had to arrange about the trip. +I had to arrange about the trip. You're sweet. +You're sweet. You think so? +Come here. Here, hold up! +Oh -- careful, Mr. Preysing. Call me -- do you know -- would you -- would you like to call me by my first name? +Call me -- do you know -- would you -- would you like to call me by my first name? Oh, no. +Oh, no. Why not? +Why not? I couldn't do that, you're a stranger to me. +I couldn't do that, you're a stranger to me. You're a funny little creature, Flaemmchen. I can't make you out. +You're a funny little creature, Flaemmchen. I can't make you out. It's not funny at all. One can't get intimate just off hand. I could go to England with you and everything like that -- supposing I met you next year and I said: 'How do you do, Mr. Preysing! And you said: 'That was the young lady who was my secretary in Manchester'. +And ask me what it's costing us to hammer it down. Exactly. +Exactly. If the Preysing people get the Manchester contract, we shall certainly merge with the Preysing company -- but if they haven't they're ruined -- Preysing will have to declare himself. +If the Preysing people get the Manchester contract, we shall certainly merge with the Preysing company -- but if they haven't they're ruined -- Preysing will have to declare himself. Shhh -- here he is now. +Oh -- ho -- you want legal aid against us? -- The whole thing seems to me to be very simple. Very simple -- I've always liked the way you dressed, Preysing -- English, isn't it? +What we want to know about is Manchester. Yes, Mr. Preysing -- that's what we want to know. +What? They turn out marvelous material in Manchester. +They turn out marvelous material in Manchester. Manchester -- yes. Yes, yes, they do. Yes -- Now gentlemen shall we begin at the beginning? -- Have we cigars -- water and everything? +There's a lot of business to be done with the Manchester Cotton Company. They've the whole English market right in their hands. Have you any connections with -- Manchester? We have a good many connections in England, naturally. +We have a good many connections in England, naturally. I mean with the Manchester people? +I mean with the Manchester people? We are here to discuss our merger. Naturally I can make no statement at this time. We must begin at the beginning. +We are here to discuss our merger. Naturally I can make no statement at this time. We must begin at the beginning. All right. +All right. Since, on the eleventh of June, this year -- when the first negotiations for a merger between our respective firms was entered into -- both parties have fully agreed that this merger can result only in mutual advantages. +Oh -- yes -- I beg your pardon! I'm laying before you the last general statement of our concern. Active capital, plant and machinery, raw material and finished product -- for instance -- mop rags -- +I'm laying before you the last general statement of our concern. Active capital, plant and machinery, raw material and finished product -- for instance -- mop rags -- Mop rags --! +I'd like to wait for Justice Zinnowitz, before I commit myself. Oh -- Preysing, Preysing -- +Oh -- Preysing, Preysing -- No water -- What a place! +No water -- What a place! All you have to do is phone for it. +Now to proceed with the projected merger, the advantages for the Saxonia are so obvious... Oh -- now let's talk like adults. You want to tell us now a along story of what your factory can do. We know all that you could tell us and if you tell the truth it wouldn't sound so good. When you first approached us... +Oh -- now let's talk like adults. You want to tell us now a along story of what your factory can do. We know all that you could tell us and if you tell the truth it wouldn't sound so good. When you first approached us... We did not approach you. +Tentative my foot -- a month before this your old father-in-law came very privately and scratched at my door. Scratched -- We did not take the initiative. +Scratched -- We did not take the initiative. Of course you took the initiative. +I know you did -- I said you did -- And I said we didn't. +Evil days -- I've shown you here -- -- my company exports to the Balkans alone, sixty-five thousand marks worth of mop rags a year. Mop rags -- mop rags -- we're interested in something quite different! +Mop rags -- mop rags -- we're interested in something quite different! What? +Sorry, Preysing. You've decided against the merger? +You've decided against the merger? Yes -- +Yes -- Then, it's all over? +Then, it's all over? Yes -- +Goodbye, Preysing, I hope you pull through. This is a very bad time to be in such a crisis. We've... Why talk -- it's over -- it's over -- it's finished. You've broken off negotiations. You did it. You're calling them off. You had nothing on your mind all day, but Manchester, -- Manchester -- Manchester. You don't suppose for one moment that I'm such a fool as not to have something that I could say definitely about Manchester. +Why talk -- it's over -- it's over -- it's finished. You've broken off negotiations. You did it. You're calling them off. You had nothing on your mind all day, but Manchester, -- Manchester -- Manchester. You don't suppose for one moment that I'm such a fool as not to have something that I could say definitely about Manchester. What? +What? Oh no -- no -- the session is over. Let's go, it's off. Thank you, gentlemen. +Oh no -- no -- the session is over. Let's go, it's off. Thank you, gentlemen. If you actually have news from Manchester then... +If you actually have news from Manchester then... Gentlemen, I am now free to announce... ...that the deal between my firm and the Manchester Cotton Company has been successfully negotiated. +Gentlemen, I am now free to announce... ...that the deal between my firm and the Manchester Cotton Company has been successfully negotiated. Preysing, you're joking with us. +I thought we'd suspended negotiations, gentlemen. Under these circumstances it's quite a different matter. +Under these circumstances it's quite a different matter. Under these circumstances we might refuse to sign. +See you soon, Preysing. Next week we'll meet and discuss further details. Next week. +How clear is Manchester? Foggy -- frightfully foggy, always, I'm told. Have you said anything about Manchester, Mr. Preysing? +Since, on the eleventh of June of this year -- when the first negotiations for a merger... Thank God we're beginning at the beginning. +Thank God we're beginning at the beginning. As you remember it -- when you approached us... +As you remember it -- when you approached us... We did not approach you. +...and let me say again for the tenth time... ...you people were quite ready for the merger. You declared yourselves... fully agreed on all the terms -- Why should the signing of these articles be suddenly held up? I've admitted that at one time we had reason for desiring ther merger -- What reason have we now? The Preysing Company has fallon upon evil days, very evil days. +Mr. Preysing has too scrupulous a regard for certainties... You've talked enough today, you're hoarse now. +Here's my signature -- here Preysing, sign here. What a session this has been. +Nine-thirty, Mr. Preysing keeps us waiting. He likes to play the great man. +Shall I tell them again? Why waste time -- it's getting late. +Why waste time -- it's getting late. You see -- what we are interested in -- +You see -- what we are interested in -- Ah, come on -- we're going home. +You're a deep one. In that case give us the articles. We'll sign at once. We know all the details... +Always the performance -- every day the performance -- time for the performance. I think, Suzette, I have never been so tired in my life. Veronal didn't even help me to sleep. Madam Grusinskaya's car is to be brought. +I can't dance tonight -- It will pass -- it will pass -- come. +It will pass -- it will pass -- come. Let us cancel the engagement. +Let us cancel the engagement. But, Madam. cannot do that. +But, Madam. cannot do that. Now is the time to cancel to stop entirely. I feel it -- everything tells me -- enough -- enough. +Mon Dieu -- the pearls -- if they were to break -- The pearls won't break -- they hold together and bring me bad luck ---- I hate them! +Orchids come again, Madam -- no card -- I think perhaps they are from the same young man -- he is at the end of the corridor -- tall -- he walks like a soldier -- Madam must have noticed how often he is in the elevator with us. Last night for instance -- Oh, Suzette -- Suzette -- Sshh -- quiet. +Ah, oui -- the car is here for Madam. Send it away -- I shan't need it. +Oh, come, Madam -- please come. All right, Suzette -- quickly -- hurry. +Good morning, Suzette. Good morning, Madam. +Madam has slept well? Oh, yes, Suzette. +Oh, yes, Suzette. Madam will dress now, it is late. +Madam will dress now, it is late. Five minutes, Suzette, come back in five minutes. I'll ring. +Five minutes, Suzette, come back in five minutes. I'll ring. Yes, madam Suzette knows all about it. +Madam should sleep. I've done my hair differently -- do you like that? +I've done my hair differently -- do you like that? When a lady falls in love she does her hair differently. +When a lady falls in love she does her hair differently. In the middle of the night -- those flowers make me think of a funeral. Laurels and tube-roses. Oh, think, Suzette -- the Villa and the sun at Tremezzo -- quiet -- simple -- happy -- we'll have a guest, Suzette. +In the middle of the night -- those flowers make me think of a funeral. Laurels and tube-roses. Oh, think, Suzette -- the Villa and the sun at Tremezzo -- quiet -- simple -- happy -- we'll have a guest, Suzette. Yes, Madam. And now Madam will sleep. It is not long 'till the train. +Yes, Madam. And now Madam will sleep. It is not long 'till the train. Goodnight, Suzette. +Madam, it is Mr. Meierheim -- he is waiting downstairs. Where is Pimenov? Where is Pimenov? +What is this that you have cancelled your car? Who am I that I should wait like a fool at the door? And here on a whim, you cancel your car. Have you forgotten there is a performance? Do you know the time? Or, are we all mad? Am I your manager?... Have we a contract? Have we obligations? Am I blind? ...Or is that the time? I'm cancelling the engagement. +I'm cancelling the engagement. Oh! +Oh! Madam is cancelling the engagement. Madam has chosen a funny time for such a funny joke. Ha, ha, ha -- hurry, come on. Tonight -- there's a line in front of the theatre since six o'clock. The house is jammed to the roof. The house is not full -- Is it really full? +The house is not full -- Is it really full? Packed to the ceiling. Hurry -- get dressed. And what an audience -- the French Ambassador -- American Millionaires -- Princess Ratzville -- er -- er -- +Packed to the ceiling. Hurry -- get dressed. And what an audience -- the French Ambassador -- American Millionaires -- Princess Ratzville -- er -- er -- Oh -- but it can't be. +Suzette -- I told you not to bring the pearls. I will not wear them tonight. Why not? +Why not? Take them back, Suzette. +Take them back, Suzette. You haven't time. +Hurry, Suzette. Such nonsense. +I suppose I can cancel the Vienna engagement. I wish to be alone. +I wish to be alone. You'll be very much alone, my dear madame. This is the end. +Come along, oh, Madam, come along. The train will be going. Wait a minute. I've got to ask myself. +Oh, the sun -- it will be sunny in Tremezzo -- Every seat for the opening has been sold at Vienna. Sold out for three days. +Every seat for the opening has been sold at Vienna. Sold out for three days. I know -- I know -- but it will be sunny in Tremezzo. We'll have a guest then. +It is time for the performance. The performance -- the performance -- the performance. +It is not stage fright -- it's something more -- What -- what is it? Last night... +What -- what is it? Last night... Last night?... There was no applause. +Last night?... There was no applause. There was -- there was. +There was -- there was. That theatre -- half empty -- dancing for those few -- I was frantic -- I finished -- the last beat and... ...I waited -- I listened -- but the applause didn't come -- nothing. A man in the box -- and just the claques behind -- it is passed, Pimenov. We are dead -- it's finished. +Good morning, Pimenov. Good morning, Gru -- your -- +Gru -- you are positively radiant. Yes, Pimenov. One minute, Suzette, I will call you. +He will be on the train. But when did he go? How do you know? +Mr. Kringelein will take room number one-seventy-six, one of our most expensive rooms. It is large and on the front with bath. Does that mean that the bath is my own? --- Private? +Does that mean that the bath is my own? --- Private? Certainly, sir. +Certainly, sir. Well, now, that's very kind -- thanks. That's what I want -- a large room on the front with a private bath -- Yes, that's what I want. I can pay now if you like. +Will Mr. Kringelein kindly register. Again? +Again? Please. +I wish you a very good evening, Mr. Preysing. You are staying here, too, Mr. Preysing? I don't know you. +I don't know you. Oh -- you must know me -- Kringelein at the plant. Assistant bookkeeper, building C, room twenty-three -- third floor. +Mr. Kringelein will be a good friend and not accept your invitation to dance. I could not think of not accepting. +I could not think of not accepting. You say that you are employed by us in Fredersdorf, and here you are in Berlin, indulging in diversions which ill befit your position and which are very much beyond your means -- Quite extraordinary, Mr. Kringelein, I think we will look into your books. +Well now, Miss Flaemm, we can talk. Some champagne, Miss Flaemm? +Some champagne, Miss Flaemm? You may go, Mr. Kringelein. +You may go, Mr. Kringelein. Does the world belong to you, Mr. Preysing? +Does the world belong to you, Mr. Preysing? What is this insolence? +What is this insolence? Do you think you have free license to be insulting? Believe me you have not. You think you're superior, but you're quite an ordinary man. +Do you think you have free license to be insulting? Believe me you have not. You think you're superior, but you're quite an ordinary man. Go away -- go away. +Who are you? -- An embezzler most likely. An embezzler -- you're going to take that back, right here in the presence of this young lady -- who do you think you're talking to? You think I'm dirt, if I'm dirt, you're a lot dirtier, Mr. Industrial Magnate Preysing. +An embezzler -- you're going to take that back, right here in the presence of this young lady -- who do you think you're talking to? You think I'm dirt, if I'm dirt, you're a lot dirtier, Mr. Industrial Magnate Preysing. You're discharged. +You're discharged. Me? +Me? Yes you -- shut your mouth -- get out -- you're discharged. +Oh -- the Baron -- the Baron. He tried to rob me -- he is dead -- +He tried to rob me -- he is dead -- My best friend -- poor, Baron -- dead -- just like that. +My best friend -- poor, Baron -- dead -- just like that. -- We must do something... +-- We must do something... Yes, the police must be called. +Yes, the police must be called. No -- no -- wait -- the man was a burglar -- he was going to steal my money. +No -- no -- wait -- the man was a burglar -- he was going to steal my money. Oh, no -- no -- not the Baron. +Oh, no -- no -- not the Baron. Where is that girl -- she was working with him -- she enticed me into her room. +Where is that girl -- she was working with him -- she enticed me into her room. Her room -- oh -- I see, Mr. Preysing -- I understand, Mr. General Director Preysing. +Her room -- oh -- I see, Mr. Preysing -- I understand, Mr. General Director Preysing. I can answer for this, it was self- defense -- I can answer for this -- but that girl -- the scandal -- my wife -- my daughters, you know them? +I can answer for this, it was self- defense -- I can answer for this -- but that girl -- the scandal -- my wife -- my daughters, you know them? Yes, I know them -- +Yes, I know them -- The scandal -- we are men -- you -- you could take that affair of the young lady upon yourself -- take her and hold your tongue. Then you can travel -- I'll give you anything -- anything -- she was with you. +The scandal -- we are men -- you -- you could take that affair of the young lady upon yourself -- take her and hold your tongue. Then you can travel -- I'll give you anything -- anything -- she was with you. We must call the police, your excellency. +How much -- how much do you want -- you need money -- you have nothing. Don't worry about me, Mr. General Director Pryesing -- worry about yourself. There has been a murder -- this is room one sixty-four. +If you will wait one moment, sir. I won't wait -- I can't wait -- I waited three days before I got a room at all and what a room that is. +I won't wait -- I can't wait -- I waited three days before I got a room at all and what a room that is. It's a very nice room and inexpensive, sir. +It's a very nice room and inexpensive, sir. Did I say I wanted a cheap room to live in -- when I came here did I ask for a cheap room? Did I? +Just one moment, sir. No, I won't wait -- I can't -- Every day is precious -- every hour -- Every minute. +The gentleman is dissatisfied with room number five fifty-nine. I certainly have a complaint -- and a fair one. +We will wait. You are late. Hurry. +How is the house? Terrible. After this, no more ballets for me. Jazz -- Just jazz. +Terrible. After this, no more ballets for me. Jazz -- Just jazz. If the house is empty again, I don't know -- +If the house is empty again, I don't know -- When she gets her paint on and hears the music -- she'll be all right. I know these people. +What's the use of asking, Gru -- he is at the train -- He will be there. The troupe, the scenery, everything -- all on board, waiting. You have a rehearsal in Vienna tomorrow morning. Come, Madam, are you mad? +Four minutes past. Please come. Come, Lisaveta, he will be there -- he will be there. +Come, Lisaveta, he will be there -- he will be there. Madam Grusinskaya's car. +Ach! Here you are, Doctor Zinnowitz. Have I kept you waiting? +Have I kept you waiting? Waiting -- I'm waiting for news from Manchester. +Waiting -- I'm waiting for news from Manchester. No news yet? +No news yet? No. No word. +No. No word. Everything depends on the Manchester merger. +Everything depends on the Manchester merger. I know -- I know. +I know -- I know. I saw Gerstenkorn at lunch -- and as your lawyer I made it my business to broach the matter --- +No news from Manchester yet -- Do you think we ought to postpone the conference? Good heavens no. That'd create the very worst impression. You must be optimistic. You must convince them. You know as well as I do that the merger must go through. +Good heavens no. That'd create the very worst impression. You must be optimistic. You must convince them. You know as well as I do that the merger must go through. Yes -- the merger must go through -- But I am used to making my deals on a solid basis. I am not a liar. I am an honest business man -- a good husband and father -- I have a sense of honor -- I have nothing to conceal. I couldn't live happily otherwise. +Yes -- the merger must go through -- But I am used to making my deals on a solid basis. I am not a liar. I am an honest business man -- a good husband and father -- I have a sense of honor -- I have nothing to conceal. I couldn't live happily otherwise. Well, don't get excited about it. We agreed that the merger with the Saxonia people must go through. +Well, don't get excited about it. We agreed that the merger with the Saxonia people must go through. I want to dictate my statement for tomorrow. I can't speak without notes. I like to have things down before me in black and white. +I want to dictate my statement for tomorrow. I can't speak without notes. I like to have things down before me in black and white. I'll see you in the morning then, at the conference. Everything'll be all right, Preysing... Don't worry. Goodnight. +I'll see you in the morning then, at the conference. Everything'll be all right, Preysing... Don't worry. Goodnight. Good night. +Good morning, gentlemen -- I see the conference is already underway. Oh, here you are, Justice Zinnowitz -- I'm at cross-purposes with these gentlemen -- will you clear up the situation? +Oh, here you are, Justice Zinnowitz -- I'm at cross-purposes with these gentlemen -- will you clear up the situation? But the situation is perfectly clear, If you will allow me -- +I can make no statement about Manchester at this time. Well -- gentlemen. +Next week. You let me talk till I'm hoarse and you had Manchester sewed-up all the time. Why? +What's the matter with you? Bluff -- Bluff -- all bluff. +Bluff -- Bluff -- all bluff. What's bluff? +What's bluff? That. +That. "'Deal with Manchester definitely off! ""Preysing, oh -- I'd never have thought it of you." +"'Deal with Manchester definitely off! ""Preysing, oh -- I'd never have thought it of you." No one would have thought it of me. I've been getting rusty in Fredersdorf. Well, if bluff is what the world wants I guess I can put up as big a bluff as anyone. From now on... +No one would have thought it of me. I've been getting rusty in Fredersdorf. Well, if bluff is what the world wants I guess I can put up as big a bluff as anyone. From now on... You must go to Manchester at once yourself and really see it through. +You must go to Manchester at once yourself and really see it through. Yes -- I must go to England -- I was desperate -- Now I don't care -- This sort of thing goes to a man's head. +Yes -- I must go to England -- I was desperate -- Now I don't care -- This sort of thing goes to a man's head. What you need is some relaxation. +What you need is some relaxation. Yes -- that's what I want -- I'd like to tear loose -- I'd like a drink. I'd like to go down to that dancing place. I'd like to start something. +Yes -- that's what I want -- I'd like to tear loose -- I'd like a drink. I'd like to go down to that dancing place. I'd like to start something. I can understand that -- after your -- uh -- +I can understand that -- after your -- uh -- Say it -- say it -- my lie -- it's the first time in thirty years that I've ever... Where's that stenographer? Miss Flaemm... +Say it -- say it -- my lie -- it's the first time in thirty years that I've ever... Where's that stenographer? Miss Flaemm... What do you want with her? +What do you want with her? I want to see her, I want to do some dictating -- report of the conference for my father-in-law. +I want to see her, I want to do some dictating -- report of the conference for my father-in-law. She had an engagement in the Yellow Room at five o'clock -- she was in a hurry. +She had an engagement in the Yellow Room at five o'clock -- she was in a hurry. Zinnowitz, would you say she was pretty? +Zinnowitz, would you say she was pretty? Pretty as a picture. +Pretty as a picture. Let's go down and find her -- I need a drink -- Come along Zinnowitz. I don't know anything about women -- been married for twenty-six years. +Let's go down and find her -- I need a drink -- Come along Zinnowitz. I don't know anything about women -- been married for twenty-six years. Bluff does it, Preysing, bluff does it. Goodnight. +Hi, Bobo. Did I buy you that dress, you piece of shit? +Well, I guess so. You're the guy I work for. You work for me, huh? Then I just may flush you down the toilet. Drive me to the Durando. +How'd you figure you were gonna get away with that? I'm not getting away with anything, Bobo. +I'm not getting away with anything, Bobo. You're fuckin right you're not. How much did your pals cut you in for on that nag, huh? Or did they give you the same kind of screwing you gave me? +You're fuckin right you're not. How much did your pals cut you in for on that nag, huh? Or did they give you the same kind of screwing you gave me? I was down on that horse, Bobo. Not as much as I should have been, but there was a lot of action on those-- +One question. Do you want to stick to that story, or do you want to keep your teeth? I want to keep my teeth. +I want to keep my teeth. Now I'll ask you another. You think I got no contacts out here? That nag paid off at just the opening price. There wasn't hardly a flutter on the tote board from the time the odds were posted. There ain't enough action to tickle the tote, but you claim a ten grand win! You send me ten thousand dollars, like I'm some mark you can blow off! +Now I'll ask you another. You think I got no contacts out here? That nag paid off at just the opening price. There wasn't hardly a flutter on the tote board from the time the odds were posted. There ain't enough action to tickle the tote, but you claim a ten grand win! You send me ten thousand dollars, like I'm some mark you can blow off! Bobo, no, I -- +Bobo, no, I -- You wanna talk to me straight up? +You wanna talk to me straight up? My son -- +My son -- Your what? +Your what? My son was in the hospital -- +My son was in the hospital -- What the fuck are you doin with a son? +What the fuck are you doin with a son? He left home a long time ago. He was in the hospital, up in Los Ang gleez, real sick. +He left home a long time ago. He was in the hospital, up in Los Ang gleez, real sick. Motherhood. +Motherhood. I never fucked up before, Bobo. +I never fucked up before, Bobo. You expect me to buy this? +I got a lot of people work for me, Lilly. I can't have shit like this. It'll never happen again. I swear. +It'll never happen again. I swear. It happened once. With me, that's making a habit of it. +You're calling the shots. You got any kind of long coat in the car? Anything you can wear home over your clothes? +You got any kind of long coat in the car? Anything you can wear home over your clothes? No. +No. I'll loan you a raincoat. +You ever hear about the oranges? You mean, the insurance frammis? +You mean, the insurance frammis? Tell me about the oranges, Lilly. +You hit a person with the oranges in the towel, they get big, awful looking bruises, but they don't really get hurt, not if you do it right. It's for working scams against insurance companies. And if you do it wrong? +And if you do it wrong? It can louse up your insides. You can get puh, puh, puh... +It can louse up your insides. You can get puh, puh, puh... What's that, Lilly? +Permanent damage. You'll never shit right again. +Almost forgot. That ten grand of yours. It's in the envelope by the door. Oh, thanks, Bobo. +Oh, thanks, Bobo. You want a drink? +You want a drink? Gee, I better not, if it's okay. I still gotta drive back up to Los Ang-gleez. +Gee, I better not, if it's okay. I still gotta drive back up to Los Ang-gleez. See your son, huh? Well, that's nice. A side of you I didn't know, Lilly. +He's a good kid. A salesman. On the square, huh? And how are you making out these days? Stealing much? +Not skimming a thing, Lilly? Oh, well, you know. I just clip a buck here and a buck there. Not enough to notice. +Oh, well, you know. I just clip a buck here and a buck there. Not enough to notice. That's right. Take a little, leave a little. +That's right. Take a little, leave a little. A person that don't look out for himself is too dumb to look out for anybody else. He's a liability, right, Bobo? +A person that don't look out for himself is too dumb to look out for anybody else. He's a liability, right, Bobo? You're a thousand percent right! +You're a thousand percent right! Or else he's working an angle. If he doesn't steal a little, he's steeling big. +Or else he's working an angle. If he doesn't steal a little, he's steeling big. You know it, Lilly. +You know it, Lilly. You know, I like that suit, Bobo. I don't know what there is about it, but it somehow makes you look taller. +You know, I like that suit, Bobo. I don't know what there is about it, but it somehow makes you look taller. Yeah? You really think so? A lot of people been telling me the same thing. +Yeah? You really think so? A lot of people been telling me the same thing. Well, you can tell them I said they're right. I better get going. Roy'll wonder where I am. +Well, you can tell them I said they're right. I better get going. Roy'll wonder where I am. Worries about his mother, eh? Give him a hug for me. +Worries about his mother, eh? Give him a hug for me. I will. So long, Bobo. +Your kid's in the back here. He's crying. Roy? He's always crying. +Roy? He's always crying. The kids beat him up, because his home life is, uh, different. +The kids beat him up, because his home life is, uh, different. I like you, too. +Come on, kid, let's see if there's any food in the house. Hah. +Evening. Welcome to Phoenix. Good evening. I'd like a single for tonight. +Good evening. I'd like a single for tonight. Oh, everything's the same size, same price. +I'm a very light sleeper, traffic noise keeps me wide awake all night. Those trucks. I know exactly what you mean. +Those trucks. I know exactly what you mean. Do you have something around back, facing away from the road? +I'll put you in one thirty-one. Very quiet. Faces the desert. Sounds perfect. I can park my car back there? +Sounds perfect. I can park my car back there? Right in front of the room. +Right in front of the room. Fine. +And I'll want to leave an early wake-up call. No problem. My husband gets up the crack of dawn. It's his kidneys. +Mary Beth, what we have here, uh... Oh, I told Mister Hebbing all about it, how brilliant you are at making money for your special clients! +Oh, I told Mister Hebbing all about it, how brilliant you are at making money for your special clients! Mary Beth, I hope you aren't spreading this good news too widely. +Mary Beth, I hope you aren't spreading this good news too widely. Well, of course not! I know how dangerous this is. But I would trust Mister Hebbing with anything. Wouldn't I, darling? +Well, I'll have to take your word for it, Mary Beth. Here's your money. Goody! +Henry, next time, couldn't Mister Hebbing -- Mary Beth! This has never been anything but -- +Mary Beth! This has never been anything but -- Oh, I know, I know, and you've been wonderful since I was widowed. But Mister Hebbing has-- -- you don't mind my telling him, darling -- -- suffered reverses. If he could... +Well. If Mary Beth vouches for you, and if she told you the story already... So here we are! +So here we are! Mister Hebbing, we are talking about breaking the law here, I want to be sure you understand that. No one gets hurt, but the law does get broken. +Want a look? Oh, Henry, no, that's just boring. +Come take a look. An entire-suite of main-frame computer. We're not really interested, Henry. +You ruined me! You destroyed me! Henry, no! +Cole, it'll be all right. Honey? Can't move. +Can't move. It's just the strain again, the stress. We'll take a vacation. +It's just the strain again, the stress. We'll take a vacation. It's all hollow. Nothing behind it. +Demon! Demon! That's why you can walk on it! Demon! Oh, Cole, please. Please come out of it. What would I do without you? +Well, that's what the law's for, isn't it? And I don't just mean the SEC. We could have the FBI breathing down our necks. +And I don't just mean the SEC. We could have the FBI breathing down our necks. I certainly hope not. +I certainly hope not. Loose talk is the one thing I worry about. +Loose talk is the one thing I worry about. I can keep my mouth shut, Mister Fellowes. +The Tokyo Exchange is nine hours ahead of us, New York one hour behind. There isn't one hour of the day when both are open. Information moves, but it has to wait. Now, we have a young fellow working here -- Do you know what a hacker is, Mister Hebbing? One of those computer geniuses, isn't it? +One of those computer geniuses, isn't it? You're right! And this boy tapped into that main link between Tokyo and the New York Stock Exchange. He can give us, when it's really useful, a seven second delay in that movement of information. Do you know what that means? +Well, you've got your information ahead of New York, I see that. Every once in a while, a major change comes through. We have seven seconds to take advantage, put our buy order, our sell order, into the computer in New York before the Tokyo data comes in. +Every once in a while, a major change comes through. We have seven seconds to take advantage, put our buy order, our sell order, into the computer in New York before the Tokyo data comes in. Not much time. +Not much time. We have to be ready. We have to have the money, and we have to know what the information means, and we have to move immediately. +We have to be ready. We have to have the money, and we have to know what the information means, and we have to move immediately. Seven seconds. I don't see how you do it. +Seven seconds. I don't see how you do it. These machines -- They're in here. +Here you are! Two rich people! I must admit, Mister Fellowes, I had moments I was worried. +I must admit, Mister Fellowes, I had moments I was worried. You brought a case? Good. +The ambulance is on the way, for what good it will do. What? He's going to be all right! +What? He's going to be all right! Mrs. Dillon, your son was in some sort of accident. He's had an internal hemorrhage, he's bleeding to death inside. +Mrs. Dillon, your son was in some sort of accident. He's had an internal hemorrhage, he's bleeding to death inside. Well, make it stop! +Well, make it stop! His blood pressure is under a hundred. I don't think he'll live to get to the hospital. +His blood pressure is under a hundred. I don't think he'll live to get to the hospital. You know who I work for. +Yes, yes, but that's -- My son will be all right. If he isn't, I'll have you killed. +Bobo wants you to go on to Delmar. Delmar? I never go out to California. That's a thousand miles from here. +Delmar? I never go out to California. That's a thousand miles from here. Nine hundred. Bobo needs somebody to handle playback this time. Come on, Lilly, you don't argue with Bobo. +Nine hundred. Bobo needs somebody to handle playback this time. Come on, Lilly, you don't argue with Bobo. I know. +I know. Take two, three days. Call when you get there. +Take two, three days. Call when you get there. Maybe I'll swing around Los Ang gleez on the way. +Mrs. Langtry, I'm sorry. Why? What's wrong? +Why? What's wrong? You are a valued customer, as you know. +You are a valued customer, as you know. But what's wrong? +But what's wrong? I can't understand a thing like this. It's something you almost never see. +I can't understand a thing like this. It's something you almost never see. What is? +What is? This is some of the finest filigreed platinum I've ever seen. But the stones, no. They're not diamonds, Mrs. Langtry. +This is some of the finest filigreed platinum I've ever seen. But the stones, no. They're not diamonds, Mrs. Langtry. But they must be! They cut glass! +But they must be! They cut glass! Glass will cut glass, Mrs. Langtry. Do you know where it was purchased? +It was a gift. It isn't worth anything at all? Why, of course it is. I can offer you -- well, five hundred dollars. +All right. I'll get you a check. +I hope you're not too badly disappointed with us, Mrs. Langtry. It's not your fault. +It's not your fault. You'll give us an opportunity to serve you again, I hope. If there's anything you think we might be interested in... +You'll give us an opportunity to serve you again, I hope. If there's anything you think we might be interested in... I have only one thing now. Are you interested? +I have only one thing now. Are you interested? Well, I'd have to see it, of course. +Well, I'd have to see it, of course. You are seeing it. You're looking right at it. +Whadaya say? Hello. +Kaggs. Home office. Roy Dillon. +Roy Dillon. I know that. Knew it when I saw you out there. The best salesman here, which isn't saying much. Want to talk to you, Dillon. +What's up? That was a pretty backhanded compliment. If I let people get away with things like that, I wouldn't be a good salesman. +That was a pretty backhanded compliment. If I let people get away with things like that, I wouldn't be a good salesman. You're right. I apologize. But I still want to talk to you. +You're right. I apologize. But I still want to talk to you. Lead on. +When I said you being the best salesman here didn't say much, I meant for us. I know your record with Sarber and Webb, and I'd say you're a top-flight man, but you've had no incentive. No one walking on your heels. Just a lot of half asses, so the tendency's been not to stretch yourself. I'm bouncing the slobs, incidentally. So I heard. +So I heard. Makes no difference to me if they're only on commission. If they don't make good money, they're not giving us good representation, and we can't afford to have them around. Ever supervise salesmen? +Makes no difference to me if they're only on commission. If they don't make good money, they're not giving us good representation, and we can't afford to have them around. Ever supervise salesmen? Just myself. +Just myself. That's right, you've had to supervise yourself. This place needs a sales manager. Somebody who's proved he's a salesman and can handle other salesmen. He'd have a lot of deadwood to clear out, new men to hire. What do you think? +Sounds like a good Idea. I don't know offhand what your best year's been, we can look it up. The idea is, we'll top it by fifteen percent. +What? Me? That's just the first year. If you aren't worth a lot more than that the second year, I'll kick you out. What do you say? +That's just the first year. If you aren't worth a lot more than that the second year, I'll kick you out. What do you say? Well, uh... No. +Well, uh... No. No? +No? I can't take that job! I mean, I mean, I can't take it right away. I'm still recuperating, I just dropped in to say hello, see everybody -- +I can't take that job! I mean, I mean, I can't take it right away. I'm still recuperating, I just dropped in to say hello, see everybody -- I didn't realize. Yeah, you do look a little pale. How soon will you be ready? A week? +I didn't realize. Yeah, you do look a little pale. How soon will you be ready? A week? But you need a man right now. It wouldn't be fair to you to -- +But you need a man right now. It wouldn't be fair to you to -- I take care of the being-fair-to-me department. Things've gone to hell this long, they can go a little longer. +I take care of the being-fair-to-me department. Things've gone to hell this long, they can go a little longer. Well... +See you in a week, Roy. I can call you Roy? Oh, sure. Fine. +And I'm Perk. Short for Percy, I'm afraid. Perk. +Good to have you back, Roy. I was just looking at -- Mr. Kaggs, I'm sorry. +Mr. Kaggs, I'm sorry. You're turning me down? Makes no sense, Roy. +You're turning me down? Makes no sense, Roy. I guess I'm just not a leader of men. +I guess I'm just not a leader of men. Oh, come on, Roy. +Oh, come on, Roy. The truth is, Mr. Kaggs -- +The truth is, Mr. Kaggs -- Perk, remember? +Perk, remember? Okay, fine. Perk, the truth is, I like things the way they are now. Pick my own hours, have time for, uh, other activities... +Okay, fine. Perk, the truth is, I like things the way they are now. Pick my own hours, have time for, uh, other activities... A well-rounded life. I respect that. But it has to have a center, Roy, something you care about, something you can think about. +A well-rounded life. I respect that. But it has to have a center, Roy, something you care about, something you can think about. Maybe I'm just not ready for that yet. +Maybe I'm just not ready for that yet. Well, Roy, if that's the way you feel, I won't badger you. Don't want to lose you as a salesman, too. +Well, Roy, if that's the way you feel, I won't badger you. Don't want to lose you as a salesman, too. Oh, I'd like to stay on. Just keep everything the way it was. +Oh, I'd like to stay on. Just keep everything the way it was. That's what we'll do, then. But I tell you what, Roy. Before I hire anybody else, I'll ask you one last time. Fair enough? +That's what we'll do, then. But I tell you what, Roy. Before I hire anybody else, I'll ask you one last time. Fair enough? Fair enough. +So what's your story today? They twisted my arm. +They twisted my arm. Only one arm? +They knocked out my tooth! Only one tooth? +Sure I am. What made you turn up, after all these years? I'm working down in San Diego. Just for a few weeks. Thought I'd drop in on my long-lost son. +I'm working down in San Diego. Just for a few weeks. Thought I'd drop in on my long-lost son. Nice to see you. What am I doing in here? +Well... You're all right now, I guess. I have to get down to the track. Thanks, uh, Lilly. +Thanks, uh, Lilly. Don't mention it. +Don't mention it. I guess I owe you my life. +I guess I owe you my life. You always did. +What happened to your hand? Just a little accident. I went by your place, picked up your mall. Just bills, I'll take care of them. +Just a little accident. I went by your place, picked up your mall. Just bills, I'll take care of them. I can take care of my own bills, Lilly. +I can take care of my own bills, Lilly. Whatever you say. The manager says your boss called. Really pulled the wool over everybody's eyes, huh? +Whatever you say. The manager says your boss called. Really pulled the wool over everybody's eyes, huh? What are you talking about? So I've got a job. So what? +What are you talking about? So I've got a job. So what? Stop kidding me! Four years in a town like Los Ang-gleez, and a peanut selling job is the best you can do? You expect me to believe that? +Stop kidding me! Four years in a town like Los Ang-gleez, and a peanut selling job is the best you can do? You expect me to believe that? It's there. The boss called, you said so yourself. +It's there. The boss called, you said so yourself. And that dump you live in! Those clown pictures on the walls! +I like those. You do not! Roy Dillon? Cornball clown pictures? Commission salesman? It's all a front, isn't it? You're on the grift, I know you are. You're working some angle, and don't tell me you're not because I wrote the book! +You do not! Roy Dillon? Cornball clown pictures? Commission salesman? It's all a front, isn't it? You're on the grift, I know you are. You're working some angle, and don't tell me you're not because I wrote the book! You're one to talk. Still running playback money for the mob. +You're one to talk. Still running playback money for the mob. That's me. That's who I am. You were never cut out for the rackets, Roy, and if you -- +That's me. That's who I am. You were never cut out for the rackets, Roy, and if you -- How come? +Not as tough as you, huh? No. And you have to be. +Up to you. My boss is a guy named Bobo Justus, back in Baltimore. When a long shot gets too much action, I have to put money on that horse at the track, because it's the only way to get the odds down. +My boss is a guy named Bobo Justus, back in Baltimore. When a long shot gets too much action, I have to put money on that horse at the track, because it's the only way to get the odds down. Sure. +Sure. The first day of the Delmar meet, there was a nag called Bluebell. I should have been on it. But that was the day after you came in here, so I stuck around to see how you were gonna be. +That was my choice, nothing to do with you. I took a chance, and it didn't work out. Bluebell came in? +Bluebell came in? I sent Bobo ten grand of my own money, like it was the winnings from my bets. I hoped that would cover me. It didn't. +Lucky? You call that lucky? He let me live. He let me be his friend. +You don't put up with that! Nobody has to put up with that! You do if you're where I am. Where you want to be. How'd you get that punch in the stomach, Roy? +I tripped over a chair. Get off the grift, Roy. +Get off the grift, Roy. Why? +Why? You don't have the stomach for it. +I just give you your life. What you do with it is up to you. That's right. +Roy! What are you doing in San Diego? Myra and me come down to LaJolla for the weekend. +If you come out to the track, don't know me. We won't hit the track. The beach. Couple a nice restaurants. +What's that? Four grand. For the hospital. Is that enough? +Four grand. For the hospital. Is that enough? Roy, I don't want money from you. +Roy, I don't want money from you. I pay my debts. +I pay my debts. You do? +Expecting visitors? No. That was the point. +You ought to put a bandage on that. No can do. Have to dip in and out of my bag too much. Besides, it'll heal in the air. +I thought... I was hoping we could play it straight with one another. I guess not. You'll be heading east from here, huh? +I guess not. You'll be heading east from here, huh? After the meet. Back to Baltimore. +After the meet. Back to Baltimore. Well... nice to see you again, Lilly. +Well... nice to see you again, Lilly. You, too, Roy. +Well, sure, Roy. You want me to drive up --? Okay, fine, come on down. It won't be a home-cooked meal, you know. Well, that's good news. +Going somewhere? Somewhere else, that's for sure. +Somewhere else, that's for sure. I just came back from Phoenix. +I just came back from Phoenix. Oh, yeah? Is the frame holding? +Oh, yeah? Is the frame holding? Looks very solid, Lilly. Sit down. Take a minute, tell me about it. +Looks very solid, Lilly. Sit down. Take a minute, tell me about it. I've really got to -- +I've really got to -- You're dead, Lilly, it worked. +You're dead, Lilly, it worked. Not for long. Not when they do a fingerprint check. +Not for long. Not when they do a fingerprint check. Why should they? The cops are satisfied. +Why should they? The cops are satisfied. Bobo won't be. He'll spend the money to make sure. +Bobo won't be. He'll spend the money to make sure. Even so. You still got time. Relax a minute, tell me what happened. Sit down. +Myra followed you, huh? She must have been the one that blew me off with Bobo. I guess to get me running. Did you tell her about my stash? +She must have been the one that blew me off with Bobo. I guess to get me running. Did you tell her about my stash? No. +No. No, you wouldn't. That's what she was after, though. But why hit on me? +No, you wouldn't. That's what she was after, though. But why hit on me? I wouldn't go in on a deal with her. She blamed you for it. +I wouldn't go in on a deal with her. She blamed you for it. As though you do what I say. +As though you do what I say. That's pretty funny, all right. What happened in Phoenix? +I sat in there with her, I thought, what do I do now? Run and I've got Bobo and the law after me. Stay, and how do I explain? This way's perfect. +It is, isn't it? And maybe it's a break for me after all. I've been wanting out of the racket for years, and now I'm out. I can make a clean start, and -- You've already made a start. Doesn't look that clean, though. +I'm sorry. I hated to take your money, but -- Don't be sorry. You're not taking it. +I need this, Roy. I can't run without money, and if I can't run I'm dead. You must have some money. +You must have some money. Just a few bucks. +Just a few bucks. And Myra's stuff? +And Myra's stuff? Her credit cards. How far am I gonna get with that? +Her credit cards. How far am I gonna get with that? Far enough. Maybe up to San Francisco. Or St. Louis, someplace new. Start over. +Far enough. Maybe up to San Francisco. Or St. Louis, someplace new. Start over. At what? +At what? You're smart, Lilly, and you're good-looking. You won't have any trouble finding a job. +You're smart, Lilly, and you're good-looking. You won't have any trouble finding a job. A job? I've never had a legit job in my life! +A job? I've never had a legit job in my life! Well, you're gonna start, if you hope to live through this. A square job and a quiet life. You start showing up at the track or the hot spots and Bobo's boys will be all over you. +Well, you're gonna start, if you hope to live through this. A square job and a quiet life. You start showing up at the track or the hot spots and Bobo's boys will be all over you. Roy, I know what to do with myself! It's a big world out there. +Roy, I know what to do with myself! It's a big world out there. Not any more. Lilly, listen, I'm giving you good advice. I'm following it myself. +Not any more. Lilly, listen, I'm giving you good advice. I'm following it myself. What? +What? I thought it over, and you were right. You wanted me out of the rackets, and now -- +I thought it over, and you were right. You wanted me out of the rackets, and now -- Roy, that's fine, but I don't have time for this. Bobo -- +Roy, that's fine, but I don't have time for this. Bobo -- I thought you'd be happy for me. After all, you -- +I thought you'd be happy for me. After all, you -- Bobo isn't after you! Bobo's after me, and he's goddamn good! But so am I. I'm a survivor, Roy. I survive. +Bobo isn't after you! Bobo's after me, and he's goddamn good! But so am I. I'm a survivor, Roy. I survive. I know you do, so that's why -- +I know you do, so that's why -- And to survive, my way, I need money. Bobo knows about the stash in the car, so I didn't dare touch it, not if Lilly Dillon's dead. So that leaves this. +And to survive, my way, I need money. Bobo knows about the stash in the car, so I didn't dare touch it, not if Lilly Dillon's dead. So that leaves this. No. +You want a drink? I don't think so. You probably shouldn't either. +I don't think so. You probably shouldn't either. No, but I'm goddamn thirsty. Ice water? +No, but I'm goddamn thirsty. Ice water? Yeah, sure, that sounds nice. +Yeah, sure, that sounds nice. I'll get it. +You don't know what I'd do, Roy. You have no idea. To live. Oh, you'll live, Lilly. +I know what's bugging you, of course. Oh? I didn't know anything was. +Oh? I didn't know anything was. Oh, really? You've got a legitimate complaint, Roy, I don't deny that. I wasn't a very good mother when you were a kid. +Oh, really? You've got a legitimate complaint, Roy, I don't deny that. I wasn't a very good mother when you were a kid. Not very good! +A bad mother. By any standards. I've thought about it, you know, from your side, since then. I know just how bad I was. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. I wonder did you ever think about it from my side. +I wonder did you ever think about it from my side. Never. +Never. No, I guess not. It was pretty lousy of me, I guess, to be a child at the same time you were. Not to stop being a child just because I had a child. I guess I was a real stinker not to be a grown-up when you needed a grown-up. +What do you want me to do? Pin a halo on you? You're doing a pretty good job of that yourself. And making you feel bad at the same time, huh? But that's the way I am, you know, the way I've always been. Always picking on poor little Roy. +And making you feel bad at the same time, huh? But that's the way I am, you know, the way I've always been. Always picking on poor little Roy. For God's sake, Lilly! +For God's sake, Lilly! I gave you your life twice. I'm asking you to give me mine once. I need the money. +I gave you your life twice. I'm asking you to give me mine once. I need the money. No. +You're getting off the grift? That's right. +That's right. That's good. You don't really belong on this side of the fence, you know. +That's good. You don't really belong on this side of the fence, you know. I don't? +I don't? If you stayed a crook, do you think you'd live to be my ripe age? +If you stayed a crook, do you think you'd live to be my ripe age? I don't see why not. +I don't see why not. Well, I guess I got it wrong, then. Seems to me I heard about a guy just your age that got hit so hard in the guts it almost killed him. +Well, uh... Sure, sure, that doesn't count. That's different. +Sure, sure, that doesn't count. That's different. Well, it doesn't matter, does it? I'm getting out. +Well, it doesn't matter, does it? I'm getting out. And that's why you've got to get rid of this money. If you keep it around, it'll just make you think how clever you are. It'll be a temptation to get back into the game. +And that's why you've got to get rid of this money. If you keep it around, it'll just make you think how clever you are. It'll be a temptation to get back into the game. Oh, that's it! You're stealing my money for my own good! How very motherly of you, Lilly. +If I should get out of the racket, that goes double for you. That's why you've got to change your life completely, go to some town, get a square job, live like a john yourself. If you try to do it your way, what future is in it? A future. The only future I've got. +A future. The only future I've got. That money wouldn't last forever. And then what? You'd be back in some other part of the rackets. Another Bobo Justus to slap you around and burn holes in your hands. This way, you've got to go the square route. You could send me a card when you're settled, I could maybe help out sometimes... +That money wouldn't last forever. And then what? You'd be back in some other part of the rackets. Another Bobo Justus to slap you around and burn holes in your hands. This way, you've got to go the square route. You could send me a card when you're settled, I could maybe help out sometimes... ) That's what it is, isn't it? Keep me down. Your turn to be in charge, have the power. +) That's what it is, isn't it? Keep me down. Your turn to be in charge, have the power. Just trying to help, Lilly. +Roy... What if I told you I wasn't really your mother? That we weren't related? What? +There's nothing more to talk about. I have to have that money, Roy. What do I have to do to get it? +Lilly, Jesus, what are you doing? Is there nothing I can do, Roy, nothing at -- +Is there nothing I can do, Roy, nothing at -- NO! +You heard the shower, didn't you? I don't care about that. This time, I gotta have the rent. +Joe, I thought I was gonna be all right by now, I just need a little more -- It isn't the owner, Myra, it's my wife. She knows what's going on. This time, I gotta have the money. +It isn't the owner, Myra, it's my wife. She knows what's going on. This time, I gotta have the money. Joe, you know you'll -- +Joe, could we talk it over? Do you want a drink? My wife sent me here, Myra. For the money. She's waiting. +My wife sent me here, Myra. For the money. She's waiting. I'll have it tonight. Nine o'clock? Ten? +I'll have it tonight. Nine o'clock? Ten? This time... +This time... We'll work something out, Joe. +I didn't teach you that. You taught me a lot. Then I invented. +Let me see how you did that one. Scram. Go home. +Scram. Go home. I can't. I just left home. +I can't. I just left home. You're too young. You should be in school. +You're too young. You should be in school. I am in school. +Where's the five? In your other hand. +Well, well. In a real hurry, are we? Always, for you, baby. +You aren't taking me for granted, are you? Taking you for granite? +That isn't granite. If that fell on me, it wouldn't hurt at all. Are you sure? +Are you sure? Let's find out. +Roy? Mm? +Mm? Look at me. +Look at me. Oh, I am, baby, believe me. +Oh, I am, baby, believe me. Roy? It this all we have? +Roy? It this all we have? All? It ain't bad. +All? It ain't bad. No more than this? +What are you talking abut, Myra? Marriage? I didn't say that. You aren't marriage material. +Ow! Hey, what are you trying to do, throw me off my game? No, baby. Come to Mama. +You were bleeding inside, honey. Remember that bruise you had? You called the doctor, huh? +You called the doctor, huh? Well, no, Roy. Your mother found you. +Well, no, Roy. Your mother found you. Oh, yeah? Thanks. How long do they say I'm in here? +Her job. I want to know everything about you. +I want to know everything about you. You do. And once I'm out of here, I'll remind you of the best parts. +I don't see why you're still here. You look healthy to me. I just do what the doctor says, babe. +I just do what the doctor says, babe. You're just comfortable, that's all. You don't even ask to go home. You just lie around, let your mama take care of you. +You're just comfortable, that's all. You don't even ask to go home. You just lie around, let your mama take care of you. Mama! +Mama! Who else is paying for all this? You badmouth the woman all the time, but you sure do take the payoffs she gives you. +Who else is paying for all this? You badmouth the woman all the time, but you sure do take the payoffs she gives you. I'll pay Lilly back, don't you worry about that. +I'll pay Lilly back, don't you worry about that. I don't like to come here, Roy. Every time I do, your mother comes in and makes remarks. +I don't like to come here, Roy. Every time I do, your mother comes in and makes remarks. That's just Lilly's way. +That's just Lilly's way. And you never defend me. You're afraid of her. +And you never defend me. You're afraid of her. Oh, don't be stupid. +Oh, don't be stupid. You're a mama's boy, if you want the truth. +Get well soon. Every day in every way. +Every day in every way. I'll see you when you get home. +I don't see why we have to take the train. Because it's comfortable. +What if we want to drive somewhere while we're there? We'll rent a car. +Big spender. You ain't seen nothin. +No. See you soon. +You were right, I had to get out of that hospital. Nothing wrong with me any more. I'll sign that affidavit. +I'll sign that affidavit. Great to get away, take it easy. Next week, I'll get back to work. +Great to get away, take it easy. Next week, I'll get back to work. You already went back to work. +You already went back to work. What? +What? I watched you. Working the tap on those soldier boys. +I watched you. Working the tap on those soldier boys. Working the what? +Working the what? Oh, come on, Roy. +The tap. What you do for a living. I'm a salesman. +I'm a salesman. You're on the grift. Same as me. +You're on the grift. Same as me. Myra, I'm not following this. +Myra, I'm not following this. Roy, you're a short-con operator. And a good one, I think. Don't talk to me like I'm another square. +You talk the lingo. What's your pitch? The long end. Big con. +The long end. Big con. Nobody does that single-o. +Nobody does that single-o. I was teamed ten years with the best in the business. Cole Langley. +I was teamed ten years with the best in the business. Cole Langley. I've heard the name. +I've heard the name. It was beautiful. And getting better all the time. +It was beautiful. And getting better all the time. Is that right? +Is that right? It is, Roy! And now, right now, it's the perfect time, the best time since I've been in the game. +He didn't think they were risks. He was so good, Roy, he could just play with the mark. And when he got serious? +And when he got serious? He'd explain he had to have cash, so there wouldn't be any paper trail for the SEC. And a lot of cash, or it wasn't worth while. The least we ever took was forty thousand, and the most was one hundred eighty-five thousand dollars! From one sucker! +He'd explain he had to have cash, so there wouldn't be any paper trail for the SEC. And a lot of cash, or it wasn't worth while. The least we ever took was forty thousand, and the most was one hundred eighty-five thousand dollars! From one sucker! I thought these people were broke. +I thought these people were broke. No, no, Roy, just cash poor. They had savings accounts, stocks to sell, houses to mortgage. Sell their wife's jewelry. Oh, they had a lot of money, when they put their minds to it. Or when I put their minds to it. I stayed with them, that's the roper's job, made them get up every penny they could raise, turn it all over to Cole. +No, no, Roy, just cash poor. They had savings accounts, stocks to sell, houses to mortgage. Sell their wife's jewelry. Oh, they had a lot of money, when they put their minds to it. Or when I put their minds to it. I stayed with them, that's the roper's job, made them get up every penny they could raise, turn it all over to Cole. And a month later, the sucker calls the cops and you're on the run. +And a month later, the sucker calls the cops and you're on the run. No no! He never calls the cops, not after we give him the blow-off. +No no! He never calls the cops, not after we give him the blow-off. Yeah? How? +Oh, Roy, it was great! We were rolling in dough, lived wherever we wanted, only pulled two or three scams a year. What happened to Cole? +What happened to Cole? He retired. +He retired. Where? +Where? Upstate. +Upstate. Upstate where? +Upstate where? Atascadero. +Atascadero. That's where they keep the criminally insane, isn't it? +I just bet you are, too. And now you're trying to rope me. Join up with you! I watched you, Roy, I've been watching you, wondering if I should talk about this at all, or maybe just... +Join up with you! I watched you, Roy, I've been watching you, wondering if I should talk about this at all, or maybe just... Take a hike, you mean? +Take a hike, you mean? I need a partner, Roy. I need an inside man, and you're it. You could be as wonderful as Cole. +I need a partner, Roy. I need an inside man, and you're it. You could be as wonderful as Cole. I don't know, Myra, I never had partners. I never needed them. +I don't know, Myra, I never had partners. I never needed them. Not to take soldiers for a hundred bucks. But how about taking a bank president for a hundred grand? +Think about it. Okay? Sure. +I still don't see why we have to have separate rooms. You expect your father to come through? Separate bathrooms, darling. I will not lay out all my cosmetics for you to knock over. +Separate bathrooms, darling. I will not lay out all my cosmetics for you to knock over. Things a man isn't supposed to know. +Things a man isn't supposed to know. You don't mind, really, do you, Roy? It's been such a wonderful evening, I guess I just wore myself out. +You don't mind, really, do you, Roy? It's been such a wonderful evening, I guess I just wore myself out. Sure. I'm pretty tired myself. +Yeah? Open your door. +Open your door. What? What for? +What? What for? Open it and find out. +You -- I don't know. ) If you could have seen your face when I told you good night! You looked so, so... Ah! +) If you could have seen your face when I told you good night! You looked so, so... Ah! Oh, come here. +You were gone for a while. I went out to Delmar. +I went out to Delmar. ) The track? Did you run into Lilly? +) The track? Did you run into Lilly? I saw her. +I saw her. She didn't see you, in other words. +She didn't see you, in other words. I'm not trying to make trouble, Roy. It's just, she's always so nasty to me, I thought, who is she to be so high and mighty. I saw her out there, and I called a friend of mine in Baltimore, so now I know who she is. +I'm not trying to make trouble, Roy. It's just, she's always so nasty to me, I thought, who is she to be so high and mighty. I saw her out there, and I called a friend of mine in Baltimore, so now I know who she is. You must have some very knowledgeable friends. +You must have some very knowledgeable friends. I'm well connected, Roy, Cole introduced me to a lot of people. Very valuable. Valuable for us. +I'm well connected, Roy, Cole introduced me to a lot of people. Very valuable. Valuable for us. Running your broker scam, you mean. +Running your broker scam, you mean. You and me, Roy. What a team we'll make. We think alike; we get along together. Once or twice a year we take some slob, the rest of the time we live like this. You won't regret this, Roy. +You and me, Roy. What a team we'll make. We think alike; we get along together. Once or twice a year we take some slob, the rest of the time we live like this. You won't regret this, Roy. Regret what? I didn't say I was coming aboard. +Regret what? I didn't say I was coming aboard. But why not? I thought it was settled. What's holding you back? +But why not? I thought it was settled. What's holding you back? Come on, Myra, don't talk business here. This is time out. +You mean, it would be too tough to give me a turndown here. Easier on home grounds. Yes or no. They're both easier at home. Okay? +And hello to you, too. I called a fellow I know in Tulsa, the one who plays my chauffeur. There's a sucker there he says is made for us. And a boroker that just shut down, we can use their office, not change a thing! Now, I can scrape up ten grand without much trouble. That leaves fifteen or twenty for your end. We could start this weekend, get the sucker into position -- +I called a fellow I know in Tulsa, the one who plays my chauffeur. There's a sucker there he says is made for us. And a boroker that just shut down, we can use their office, not change a thing! Now, I can scrape up ten grand without much trouble. That leaves fifteen or twenty for your end. We could start this weekend, get the sucker into position -- Wait a minute! When did this happen, that we're partners? +Wait a minute! When did this happen, that we're partners? What? +What? The last I looked, we were just talking things over. +The last I looked, we were just talking things over. But the setup's there. It's there now. +But the setup's there. It's there now. I don't think I need it. +I don't think I need it. You're too good for the small-time, Roy. Move up to where there's big dough to be made, and you don't have to stick your neck out every day. +You're too good for the small-time, Roy. Move up to where there's big dough to be made, and you don't have to stick your neck out every day. Maybe I like it where I am. +Don't I get any say in this? No! Because I -- +No! Because I -- That's what I say. +That's what I say. What? +What? What I say is, no. We don't do partners. +What I say is, no. We don't do partners. For Christ's sake, why not? +For Christ's sake, why not? Mostly, because you scare the shit out of me. I've seen people like you before, baby. Double-tough and sharp as they come, and you get what you want or else. But you don't make it work forever. +Mostly, because you scare the shit out of me. I've seen people like you before, baby. Double-tough and sharp as they come, and you get what you want or else. But you don't make it work forever. Bullshit! +Bullshit! No; history. Sooner or later, the lightning hits. I don't want to be around when it hits you. +What is it? What's going on? I'm happy the way I am. +I'm happy the way I am. By God, it's your mother. It's Lilly. +By God, it's your mother. It's Lilly. ) What? +) What? Sure it is. That's why you act so funny around each other. +What's that? Don't act so goddamned innocent! You and your own mother, gah! You like to go back where you been, huh? +You watch that mouth. I'm wise to you, I should have seen it before, you rotten son of a bitch. How is it, huh? How do you like -- +Roy Dillon? Yes? +Yes? Lieutenant Pierson, Phoenix police. I have a car here. +Lieutenant Pierson, Phoenix police. I have a car here. Thank you. +I realize this is a shock. Well, mostly, I don't believe it. +Well, mostly, I don't believe it. That's natural. +That's natural. No. I mean, I don't believe it. Lilly is not a suicide. I know my mother, nothing would make her check out. +No. I mean, I don't believe it. Lilly is not a suicide. I know my mother, nothing would make her check out. I'm sorry, it was her all right. Her gun, even. +I'm sorry, it was her all right. Her gun, even. Gun? +Gun? I grant you, it's a little odd, shoot yourself with a gun with a silencer on it, but it was hers, all right. It really is your mother, Mister Dillon. +I grant you, it's a little odd, shoot yourself with a gun with a silencer on it, but it was hers, all right. It really is your mother, Mister Dillon. It may be Lilly, but it isn't suicide. +It may be Lilly, but it isn't suicide. Do you have any particular reason to say that? +Do you have any particular reason to say that? My mother... Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. She worked for gamblers. She always knew they might turn on her some day. +My mother... Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. She worked for gamblers. She always knew they might turn on her some day. A hit, you mean. Honestly, it doesn't have that feel to it, but I'll certainly consider the possibility. Thank you for telling me. +Not that it matters. This is the morgue? You up to it now? +You up to it now? Sure. Let's get it over. +Sure. Let's get it over. One thing I have to caution you about. A gunshot wound... +One thing I have to caution you about. A gunshot wound... Yes, I know, I know. +Yes, I know, I know. Well, uh, you know, she ate the gun. +Well, uh, you know, she ate the gun. What? +What? I'm sorry, that's an unfortunate phrase, it slipped out, I'm, to tell you the truth, Mr. Dillon, this isn't an everyday occurrence around here. +I'm sorry, that's an unfortunate phrase, it slipped out, I'm, to tell you the truth, Mr. Dillon, this isn't an everyday occurrence around here. Ate the gun. Oh. +Ate the gun. Oh. Someone who knows her well could still identify her, that's not the problem. It's just there's, uh, it's likely to be a shock. +Someone who knows her well could still identify her, that's not the problem. It's just there's, uh, it's likely to be a shock. Well, let's get the shock over with. +Not many laughs in this room, eh? Not many. +Oh, Jesus. No question, huh? +No question, huh? No, its -- Why did she--? +That's that, then. Oh, yeah. That's that. +Mr. Simms. Why yes, Mr. Dillon. Here's a potential new neighbor, looking at-- +Why yes, Mr. Dillon. Here's a potential new neighbor, looking at-- Uh-huh. Mrs. Langtry may drop by. +Well, thank you. And thank them. Sickness comes to us all, Mister Dillon. +Sickness comes to us all, Mister Dillon. That's true, Mr. Simms. +That's true, Mr. Simms. We never know when and we never know why. We never know how. The only blessed thing we know is, it'll be at the most inconvenient and unexpected time. Just when you've got tickets to the World Series. And that's the way the permanent waves. +We never know when and we never know why. We never know how. The only blessed thing we know is, it'll be at the most inconvenient and unexpected time. Just when you've got tickets to the World Series. And that's the way the permanent waves. Well, I'm back now. I just wanted you to know. Gotta rush. +Well, I'm back now. I just wanted you to know. Gotta rush. Happy to see you looking so good. +No thanks, I'm not thirsty. It's for your cigarette. I prefer not to contaminate my crime scene with micropollutants. +Why am I here? They said on the phone you were assigned to the Meyers case. +They said on the phone you were assigned to the Meyers case. With all due respect, detective, you can't go blaming every brutal murder in Illinois on Michael Meyers. +With all due respect, detective, you can't go blaming every brutal murder in Illinois on Michael Meyers. Pamela Whittington was a long time associate of Dr. Loomis. Her home office was ransacked. It was chock full of Loomis' files on Meyers. It'd say that makes Meyers a suspect, wouldn't you? +Pamela Whittington was a long time associate of Dr. Loomis. Her home office was ransacked. It was chock full of Loomis' files on Meyers. It'd say that makes Meyers a suspect, wouldn't you? Well, when you put it that way. +Well, when you put it that way. Right. So why don't we get on with this investigation? +Right. So why don't we get on with this investigation? I like a woman who takes control. +One set of muddy shoe prints. That don't match either of the victim's. +Where, judging by the looks of the finger and palm prints, she struggles to open the window before banging on it like hell. Unable to escape, she turns and attacks the killer, but doesn't connect. +Unable to escape, she turns and attacks the killer, but doesn't connect. No blood on the knife. +The killer knocks the knife out of her hand with the wrought-iron poker. Broken blood vessels on her right forearm. +As which point she drops to her knees in pain... Explaining the low height of the blood splatter on the curtains... +Impressive, Blake. Where'd you learn how to do that? Girl scouts. +Carter. It's Blake. Meet me at Grand View. +It's Blake. Meet me at Grand View. Where? +Where? The cemetery... +The cemetery... Yeah, alright... I'll be there in ten. +You take all your dates here. Blake? Only the real stiffs. +Only the real stiffs. I can be real stiff. +I can be real stiff. Charming. +That's it? Care to join me? +Care to join me? Come on, Carter. You know it's Michael. +Come on, Carter. You know it's Michael. What do you want me to do, put out an A.P.B. on a man in overalls wearing a white mask dragging a headstone? +What do you want me to do, put out an A.P.B. on a man in overalls wearing a white mask dragging a headstone? Yes. +Yes. Sweet dreams, Blake. +Carter. It's Blake. How do you feel about Wisconsin? +We're sorry to startle you, Miss Tate. The door was open, so we let ourselves in. +Detective Carter from the Haddonfield P.D. Toni Blake from Langley P.D. +I'll be damned. Do I know you? +Mind if we sit down? I'd prefer you didn't. I'm very busy. +I'd prefer you didn't. I'm very busy. Okay, then how 'bout we ask you a few questions? +Okay, then how 'bout we ask you a few questions? Detective... +Detective... Carter. +Carter. ... I think it would be best if you both left. +... I think it would be best if you both left. Might want to stop and think about the safety of your students, Miss Tate. +Might want to stop and think about the safety of your students, Miss Tate. I never stop thinking about it, Detective. The only way in or out of this school is through that gate, and it is secured at all times. +I never stop thinking about it, Detective. The only way in or out of this school is through that gate, and it is secured at all times. Funny, we just drove right in. +Funny, we just drove right in. Well, I can assure you, it won't happen again. Thanks for your concern. Goodbye. +Bruce... what's going on? The kids are here to pick out their costumes for the festival. Better take 'em to Virgil's downtown. We got a dead body in there. +A dead body? It's Amy Kramer. +It's Amy Kramer. My god... +My god... Pretty messy. Parents have already been notified. Our office has been trying to get a hold of you... +Do you know who did this? Well, Eddie Catero didn't show up for work this morning... parents say he never came home last night. Car's still missing. +Well, Eddie Catero didn't show up for work this morning... parents say he never came home last night. Car's still missing. Think Eddie had something to do with it? +Think Eddie had something to do with it? Doesn't look good. +Besides, it's historically inaccurate. What the fuck are you talking about? +What the fuck are you talking about? Michael Meyers never used a meat cleaver. It was a butcher knife. +Michael Meyers never used a meat cleaver. It was a butcher knife. Who are you, the serial killer police? What difference does it make? +Who are you, the serial killer police? What difference does it make? It's not historically accurate, that's all. +Another historical inaccuracy. Would somebody shut this guy up? +Hey, Mis Whittington, what's up? My blood pleasure. You scared the hell out of me. +My blood pleasure. You scared the hell out of me. Oh. Sorry. I'm on my way to the ring and -- +Oh. Sorry. I'm on my way to the ring and -- I think someone broke into my house. +I think someone broke into my house. No shit?! +No shit?! No shit. +Jimmy, what are you doing? Checking out your place. +Checking out your place. No. Wait for the police. +No. Wait for the police. And miss the big game? No way. +Nothing to fear. The coast is clear. You sure? +You sure? Totally. I checked all the rooms and closets... +Totally. I checked all the rooms and closets... Nothing's missing? +Nothing's missing? Don't think so. But they sure did a real number on your office. Crap everywhere. +Don't think so. But they sure did a real number on your office. Crap everywhere. My office? +My office? Yeah. Oh, and they messed up your kitchen pretty good, too... Goodnight. +"Nothing's changed since yesterday, or last week, or last month... the answer's still ""no.""" You're so predictable. +What the -- Betcha' didn't predict that. +I'm sixteen, Keri. I should be able to live wherever I want. "And I should have a son who calls me ""Mom"". Looks like we're both shit out of luck." +"And I should have a son who calls me ""Mom"". Looks like we're both shit out of luck." Okay, you win. I'll call you Mom. Now can I move into the dorms? +Okay, you win. I'll call you Mom. Now can I move into the dorms? No. +Well, Dad thinks it's okay. You're father thinks it's okay to run off to Cancun with a blonde bimbo in a halter top. Somehow his opinion doesn't count. +You're father thinks it's okay to run off to Cancun with a blonde bimbo in a halter top. Somehow his opinion doesn't count. I promise not to run off to Cancun. +I promise not to run off to Cancun. Forget it. +Forget it. The dorms are only fifty feet away. You could practically see into my window. So, what difference does it make? +The dorms are only fifty feet away. You could practically see into my window. So, what difference does it make? My point exactly. See, we both agree. +Alright, I was wrong. There is a big difference between rooming with your buddies and living with your mother and school headmaster. I took the padlock off your door. What more do you want? +I took the padlock off your door. What more do you want? My life is a living hell. +Where are you going? To the bathroom. Can I do that alone or do you want to watch? +To the bathroom. Can I do that alone or do you want to watch? I thought you'd never ask. +You're twisted. I know. +Shit, John! What the hell were you doing out there?! Nothing. +Nothing. You're kidding with that answer, right? +You're kidding with that answer, right? I just went for a walk. It's no big deal. +I just went for a walk. It's no big deal. Wrong. There are rules in this house and you're going to follow them whether you like it or not. +Wrong. There are rules in this house and you're going to follow them whether you like it or not. Or what? You're gonna shoot me? +Or what? You're gonna shoot me? It's an option. +It's an option. Well, maybe if you'd let me live in the dorms, I wouldn't have to sneak out to spend time with my friends. +Well, maybe if you'd let me live in the dorms, I wouldn't have to sneak out to spend time with my friends. Oh, so now it's my fault? +Oh, so now it's my fault? Just forget it... +I'm sorry, alright? It was just a stupid joke. Will, sit down... +You some kind of fugitive or something? I was trying to get away from someone. +Now you're joking, right? Afraid not. You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. +Wait a minute... slow down... you're telling me Michael Meyers is my uncle? Yes. +Yes. Any other psychotic relatives I should know about? Jason? Freddy Krueger? +Any other psychotic relatives I should know about? Jason? Freddy Krueger? No. +No. Why didn't you tell me? +Why didn't you tell me? I was trying to protect you from this... +Where are you going? I don't know. +He found you, didn't he? Get on the bus. +Get on the bus. Where's Molly? She's not in her room... +Where's Molly? She's not in her room... Just get on the bus. +Just get on the bus. I'm not leaving without her. +I'm not leaving without her. John, you can't help her now. +John, you can't help her now. What? Where is she? +What? Where is she? John... +Oh, God... no... not Molly. Please, get on the bus... +Yeah, me too, Keri. Call me Laurie, will ya? +Call me Laurie, will ya? Keri.... Laurie... how about if I just call you Mom? +Keri.... Laurie... how about if I just call you Mom? That would work. +Shelve the barf bag. It's the key to the main gate. Where'd you get it? +Where'd you get it? Swiped it from my mom's desk yesterday. +Swiped it from my mom's desk yesterday. You stole it? +You stole it? I borrowed it. +Not me. Why not? +Why not? I can't afford to get caught. +Nah, I didn't tell her where I went. Is that all you guys can think about? Amy never came back last night. Maybe she's in trouble. +What are you doing here?! I came to see you. +I came to see you. I can see that. Why? +I can see that. Why? Can I come in? +Can I come in? Are you crazy? You'll get caught. +Are you crazy? You'll get caught. Then you come out here. +Then you come out here. Then I'll get caught. +Then I'll get caught. Well, I'm not going until I talk to you. +Well, I'm not going until I talk to you. Alright. I'll come out. Just be quiet. +You really think Eddie killed her? You saw that Michael Meyers display. You've got to be pretty twisted to come up with something like that. +You saw that Michael Meyers display. You've got to be pretty twisted to come up with something like that. I guess. It's just hard to believe. +You look kind of cold. I'm okay. +I'm okay. Here, take my jacket. +Better? Yeah. +Molly, of all the people... if I can't trust my resident assistant, then what? I know. I'm really, really sorry, Miss Tate. Please let me keep the job... it's the only way I can afford to stay here. +I know. I'm really, really sorry, Miss Tate. Please let me keep the job... it's the only way I can afford to stay here. Okay, tell you what... you can still be the school R.A., but no dance tomorrow night. +Okay, tell you what... you can still be the school R.A., but no dance tomorrow night. Okay... thank you. +Linda! He killed Linda! Who?! +Who?! Michael Meyers! +Aren't they doing a terrific job this year? Looks great. It does. +Looks great. It does. You okay? You seem a little off. +You okay? You seem a little off. Nothing a good stiff drink can't fix. +It's John, isn't it? It's always John. +It's always John. Still wants to move out? +Still wants to move out? He's been living out of moving boxes for three months. +He's been living out of moving boxes for three months. This kid just wants his freedom. +This kid just wants his freedom. It's not going to happen. +It's not going to happen. The tighter you squeeze, the harder he'll try to break free. +The tighter you squeeze, the harder he'll try to break free. Oh, please... you get that out of a fortune cookie? +Oh, please... you get that out of a fortune cookie? Doesn't make it bad advice. +I'm going into town... run a few errands before dark. Need anything? A box of fortune cookies... I'm running out of advice. +A box of fortune cookies... I'm running out of advice. Bye Will. +Hey, you alright? What? +What? What are you looking at? +What are you looking at? I'm fine. I just need to lie down... +There's something I have to tell you both. It's going to sound strange... What? +What? My name hasn't always been Keri Tate. It was once Laurie Strode. +My name hasn't always been Keri Tate. It was once Laurie Strode. You're right. It does sound strange. +Who? Michael Meyers. +Michael Meyers. The serial killer? +The serial killer? He's my brother. +No, Will, this isn't the alcohol talking. It's the truth. I can't believe this is happening. +I can't believe this is happening. Shit happens. +You just dropped a shitload on him... give him some time to digest it. Are you going to leave, too? +Are you going to leave, too? Never. +So you're really Michael Meyers' sister? Yeah. +Yeah. Do we have to invite him to the wedding? +Not a real fan of Halloween humor, Will. Oh, right. Sorry. +Oh, right. Sorry. I'm gonna head back to the office... finish up some things. +I'm gonna head back to the office... finish up some things. Can't it wait till Monday? I thought maybe we could dance... I'm very light of my feet. +Keri, you all right? We've got to get these kids out of here... +We've got to get these kids out of here... I'll make sure there's no kids left in the dorms... +Look, they're staring right at us. You think your mom knows we snuck out last night? +Wait. What is it? +What is it? I have to pee. +I have to pee. Can't you hold it? +Can't you hold it? Can't you? +You aced it, didn't you? I did alright. +Fuckin' A. He gave me a fuckin' A? Wow. +What's this? "You say, ""The key to my heart,"" and I'm gonna hurl." +Better her than me. You're unbelievable. +Ooooh, busted. Big time. And news travels fast. Wouldn't be surprised if the whole school knows about this one by tonight. +Shane's going as a condom. I thought you were allergic to latex. +I thought you were allergic to latex. I'll pop a Benadryl. +I'll pop a Benadryl. You think they'll let him in dressed like that? +You think they'll let him in dressed like that? Oh, they're so stupid... I'll just tell them he's going as a sausage casing. +BLAAAAAGGGHHHHH! Shit, Linda! +Shit, Linda! You're so easy... +You're so easy... Wasn't scaring the hell out of me once today enough?! +Wasn't scaring the hell out of me once today enough?! Nope. Hey, you think I'll win scariest costume? +Nope. Hey, you think I'll win scariest costume? Linda, you are without a doubt the scariest person on campus. +Linda, you are without a doubt the scariest person on campus. Thanks! +Thanks! Where's Shane? +Where's Shane? Condom Boy is waiting for me in the cafeteria. +Condom Boy is waiting for me in the cafeteria. But the dance is in the gymnasium. +But the dance is in the gymnasium. Very insightful. +Let the party begin. Have enough fun for the both of us. +Have enough fun for the both of us. Oh, don't be such a victim. +He do that to you? Another episode of 'Daddy Knows Best' at the Strode house. +Another episode of 'Daddy Knows Best' at the Strode house. Pig. What the hell happened this time? +Beth, who's that guy that lives across the hall from you? Why? You interested? +Why? You interested? No! I keep seeing him staring out his window. Watching me. +No! I keep seeing him staring out his window. Watching me. You mean Tommy. Yeah, on the weirdness scale he's about an eleven. Supposedly some scary shit happened to him when he was a kid. Messed up his head. He's harmless, though. Probably just lonely. +Mom -- Who is this? Kara? ... No, this is Beth. +Kara? ... No, this is Beth. What are you doing there? Where's my mother? +What are you doing there? Where's my mother? We were worried about you guys so we left early to see if you were -- +We were worried about you guys so we left early to see if you were -- Is Tim there? +Is Tim there? He's in the bathroom. +Hold on, hot lips. We got work to do. Shit, Beth, why do we have to be the ones to organnize this friggin' fair? It's only Halloween. +Whatever happened to women in back? Reality check, dillweed. This is 1995. +Happy fuckin' Halloween. Someone's trying to scare us out of having this fair ... and it's not gonna work. +Seven-thirty is the costume pageant ... Carving jack-o'-lanterns at eight ... Photos for the school paper at nine ... Then Harry lights the tree at nine- thirty ... I just know I'm forgetting something! Relax. Everything's cool. Didn't I tell you Harry would be here? +Jesus, that's my neighbor. Tommy. Isn't he that psycho who's been spying on my sister? +Isn't he that psycho who's been spying on my sister? Kara and Danny never showed up tonight. We'd better go home and check on them. There's nothing else for us to do here. +Kara and Danny never showed up tonight. We'd better go home and check on them. There's nothing else for us to do here. But they're gonna light the tree in a few minutes -- +But they're gonna light the tree in a few minutes -- We can light our own tree at home. +Guess they -- went to the fair after all. Guess so ... +What if your parents come home? Then they can watch. +Aren't you gonna answer that? Answer what? +Answer what? What if it's Kara? +Shh. Mommy's here. What is it? The voice man! He's here! +Home is here in Grandma and Grandpa's new house. At least while I'm in college. Remember our deal. The kids at school said this is a haunted house -- that a bad man used to live here. +The kids at school said this is a haunted house -- that a bad man used to live here. They did, did they? Since when did we start listening to the kids at school? +They did, did they? Since when did we start listening to the kids at school? But I've seen him! +But I've seen him! You've been watching too much TV. +You've been watching too much TV. He says things. Bad things. +He says things. Bad things. Like what? +No, Mom -- keep it on! Okay ... But just for tonight. +Mom, I want to go to the fair ... You can't expect us to stay here -- +Come on, Mom. We're gonna miss all the fun stuff! Danny, you're just going to have to wait! +Mommy, I'm scared. There's nothing to be scared of, baby. It's just another storm. Try to get some sleep. +There's nothing to be scared of, baby. It's just another storm. Try to get some sleep. I can't. The voice man is coming to get me. +I can't. The voice man is coming to get me. No one's coming to get you. Not while I'm around. +No one's coming to get you. Not while I'm around. Promise? +Promise? I promise. +Mommy!!! Danny!!! +Shitheads ... Defacing my property. I showed them ... Relax, John. They were just kids. +Relax, John. They were just kids. Kids are what's ruining this country. Everywhere you go, it's the same. No goddamn respect. +See what I'm talkin' about? You'll never pass that exam on an empty stomach, Kara. +What is it this time? A man came by the house. A psychiatrist by the name of Loomis. +He told me about the terrible things that happened here. In our house. What the fuck are you doing letting strangers in without -- +What the fuck are you doing letting strangers in without -- John, they sound Jamie Lloyd this morning! Someone tried to kill her! +John, they sound Jamie Lloyd this morning! Someone tried to kill her! What in God's name are you talking about, woman? When are you gonna stop listening to those damned talk shows? +What in God's name are you talking about, woman? When are you gonna stop listening to those damned talk shows? I'm getting the children out of here. At least until we know what we're dealing with. John, I want you to come with us. +I'm getting the children out of here. At least until we know what we're dealing with. John, I want you to come with us. Debra, you're fuckin' insane. +Debra, you're fuckin' insane. You knew, didn't you, John? You knew. +I've been knocking. The door was open. Is everything all right in here? Who are you? +Who are you? I've come to help your family. +He crept up these stairs and made his way into this room. His sister's room. Right here. Where it all began. What makes you think he'll come here again? +What makes you think he'll come here again? This house is sacred to him. It's the source of his memories -- his rage. Mrs. Strode, I beg you. Don't let your family suffer the same fast as Laurie and her daughter. +This house is sacred to him. It's the source of his memories -- his rage. Mrs. Strode, I beg you. Don't let your family suffer the same fast as Laurie and her daughter. Jamie? But I thought she was -- +Jamie? But I thought she was -- Found this morning. In a field outside Haddonfield. Stabbed. +What should I do? Lock the doors and call your husband. Get your family as far away from Haddonfield as possible. +Lock the doors and call your husband. Get your family as far away from Haddonfield as possible. God ... this can't be true. +God ... this can't be true. Mrs. Strode, Michael Myers is here to kill his family. And he won't stop until you are all destroyed. I only thank God that I found you before he did. +So they're trying to kill you and your baby. Don't tell me. Your name also happens to be Rosemary. No -- please listen! They're coming ... coming for me and my baby. +Come on, sweetheart -- what is this? Who's coming? It's ... Michael ... ... Michael Myers! +So they're trying to kill you and your baby. Don't tell me. Your name also happens to be Rosemary. No, please listen! They're coming ... coming for me and my baby. +No, please listen! They're coming ... coming for me and my baby. Come on, sweetheart -- what is this? Who's coming? +Come on, sweetheart -- what is this? Who's coming? It's ... Michael ... Michael Myers! +She wasn't here when I brought Danny home from -- Danny, go downstairs -- Now! +My, God! What have you done to him? I didn't -- He got in a fight and I -- +I didn't -- He got in a fight and I -- You stay away from him! +Do you know how insane this is? Who am I supposed to be looking for? Him. +God, what's wrong with him? Here. Let me try. +Kyle's mother might be dead for all I know. Now I'm afraid he could be next. Why would anyone want to kill an innocent baby? +Why would anyone want to kill an innocent baby? Not just Kyle. All of you. His entire family. Here. Look at this. +It was there when I found him this morning. It looks like some kind of letter or number or -- It's a rune ... Thorn. +Runes were a kind of early alphabet that originated in Northern Europe thousands of years ago. They were symbols -- carved out of stone or pieces of wood. Of all the runes, Thorn had the most negative influence. Cults used them in blood rituals to portend future events and invoke magic. Black magic ... 'In ancient times, Thorn was believed to cause sickness, famine and death. Translated literally, it was the name of a demon spirit that delivered human sacrifices ... on the Celtic celebration of Samhain.' +Black magic ... 'In ancient times, Thorn was believed to cause sickness, famine and death. Translated literally, it was the name of a demon spirit that delivered human sacrifices ... on the Celtic celebration of Samhain.' Halloween. +Halloween. 'When applied directly to another person, Thorn could be used to call upon them confusion and destruction -- to literally visit them with the Devil.' +Where are you going? To find the rest of your family before Michael Myers does -- or whoever's been controlling him. +Danny?! Danny! Mrs. Blankenship, have you seen the little boy who came in with me and -- +Where's the baby?! He's gone. +Danny! Danny, where are you?! Kara, no! +What now?! Wait a minute ... +Come on! It's not working! +Christ, what a night! Not even so much as a sign for five miles on that road! That's the whole idea of living in the country. I thrive on the seclusion. +Unlike you, Sam, I learned many years ago not to second-guess the motives of my fellow man. Remember what Freud said: 'Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.' Or, in this case, a drink is just a drink. I hope you didn't come all the way out here in this storm just to quote Freud. +I hope you didn't come all the way out here in this storm just to quote Freud. As always, your keen powers of perception astound me. And you're right. I've come to celebrate. After thirty-two years as Psychiatric Administrator, guess who has been named Smith's Groves new Chief of Staff. +As always, your keen powers of perception astound me. And you're right. I've come to celebrate. After thirty-two years as Psychiatric Administrator, guess who has been named Smith's Groves new Chief of Staff. But surely Rogers isn't -- +But surely Rogers isn't -- Retiring. +We need you, Dr. Loomis. You should know that it's not wise to play Halloween pranks on me. +You should know that it's not wise to play Halloween pranks on me. You're the only man for the job, Sam. Things haven't been the same since you left. I'm recruiting the best psychiatric team in the country. Old colleagues. This is your change to finally make a difference. +But with Rogers and his house of hacks gone, you'd make the rules. Just think it over. Please try to understand, Terence. I've already made up my mind. +It was her voice. On the radio. It was Jamie. Calling for me. You don't know that for sure. It could have been anyone. A practical joke. Kids. +You don't know that for sure. It could have been anyone. A practical joke. Kids. It was Jamie Lloyd. She came back, as I knew she would one day. And whatever has brought her back has brought Michael back as well. +It was Jamie Lloyd. She came back, as I knew she would one day. And whatever has brought her back has brought Michael back as well. After six years? Sam, she died with him in that explosion after the -- +After six years? Sam, she died with him in that explosion after the -- That's what someone wants us to believe, but I tell you Michael is alive. I feel him. I sense the evil that lives inside, just as I did all those years as I watched him. Sitting behind these very same walls. Staring. Growing stronger. As my colleague, as my friend, please. I can't go through this again. Not alone. I need your help to stop him. +Notify Haddonfield's sheriff; tell him we're on our way. I want the entire staff on alert. We go to code red lockdown for twenty-four hours. If he is alive, I plan on bringing him back. Or what's left of him. +What is that? It's a sign. He's come home. +Sam, don't -- let them take care of her. I'm here now, Jamie. You're going to live. You have to. +There you are. Who was that boy? An old friend. +There's more people moving eastbound down Old Reservoir Road past the elementary school. Any word on the location of the Strodes? +Any word on the location of the Strodes? No one's home. Checked it out myself. +No one's home. Checked it out myself. Good. I want around-the-clock surveillance on that house. +What's wrong? What's happened to Jamie? I'll meet you over there. +Where's the child? Sam, you know you never fail to amaze me. Yesterday happily retired, today right back in the thick of things. Somehow I knew you still had it in you. +Come now, Sam. This is a gathering of old friends. I know how difficult this must be for you -- a man of your upbringing and integrity -- but now that I'm in charge I felt it was only fair that you finally know the truth. After all, you're the only one around here who's still in the dark, as it were. This isn't the way I wanted to tell you, but you've really given me no other choice. This is madness, Wynn. +This is madness, Wynn. Your madness is another man's greatness. This is the way things have always been. You've just been too blinded by your own reality to see. But having you on the outside has been convenient for us in many ways. You always did come through -- our loyal watch dog. Finding him. Bringing him back to us once he'd finished his work. Although after you had that nasty stroke the last time, I had to go after him myself. And what a terrible time we had getting him out of that jail cell. +Your madness is another man's greatness. This is the way things have always been. You've just been too blinded by your own reality to see. But having you on the outside has been convenient for us in many ways. You always did come through -- our loyal watch dog. Finding him. Bringing him back to us once he'd finished his work. Although after you had that nasty stroke the last time, I had to go after him myself. And what a terrible time we had getting him out of that jail cell. It was you. +It was you. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. +Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Why did you take Jamie? +Why did you take Jamie? She has the gift -- the blood of Thorn running through her veins. Michael's mother had it, too. So for six years I incubated her, prepared her for this night. Michael has served his purpose. And soon we will have a new progeny. +She has the gift -- the blood of Thorn running through her veins. Michael's mother had it, too. So for six years I incubated her, prepared her for this night. Michael has served his purpose. And soon we will have a new progeny. Jamie's baby ... +Jamie's baby ... There you go trying to make sense again. It's a curse. Handed down through countless generations. As ageless as this celebration which you call Halloween. +There you go trying to make sense again. It's a curse. Handed down through countless generations. As ageless as this celebration which you call Halloween. Samhain. +Samhain. And I'm its deliverer. Its calling card, if you will. I follow it. Protect it. Act as its guardian. In a sense, Sam, so do you. +You've created a monster. Amazing, isn't it? I even taught him to drive. +No!!! Stay away, Sam. +Stay away, Sam. Leave the boy. Take me. +Yes? Dr. Loomis, thank God you're here. You heard her, didn't you? It was Jamie. +Dr. Loomis, thank God you're here. You heard her, didn't you? It was Jamie. I'm sorry, but do I know you -- +I'm sorry, but do I know you -- I'm Tommy. Tommy Doyle. Laurie Strode -- Jamie's mother -- she was baby-sitting for me that night -- +Yes ... Tommy. What are you doing here? Please -- just tell me the truth. Has Michael Myers come home? +What do you know about Michael? I know he's alive. People in this town -- they want us to believe he's dead. But I know. I've always known. +I know he's alive. People in this town -- they want us to believe he's dead. But I know. I've always known. Right now at least one girl is dead and Jamie Lloyd is in there fighting for her life. She is the last of his blood line. If she dies -- +Right now at least one girl is dead and Jamie Lloyd is in there fighting for her life. She is the last of his blood line. If she dies -- No, Dr. Loomis. She's not the last night. +Who else knew I had the baby?! No one. +No one. No -- there had to be someone else. Who knew?! +No -- there had to be someone else. Who knew?! Only me -- -- and Dr. Wynn. +Run, Tommy!!! Run!!! No!!! +Miss me, baby? I dunno, boy. +I dunno, boy. Hm? +Hm? It's a bitch. +It's a bitch. A bitch. +A bitch. Didn't recognize you. +Didn't recognize you. We've never met. +We've never met. I wonder who'll recognize us first? They'll wet their pants. +I wonder who'll recognize us first? They'll wet their pants. I hope the men do. I would rather the women didn't. +I hope the men do. I would rather the women didn't. I'm gonna wet my pants. +Home, sweet home. One thing, anyway--at least Penelope didn't throw out all your crap. I bet Alice threw out all my crap after I'd been gone a week. +One thing, anyway--at least Penelope didn't throw out all your crap. I bet Alice threw out all my crap after I'd been gone a week. We'll see. +It appears that we're going to have to wait awhile for any more action here, Colonel. Why don't you run on home while the evening's young. Home. Jesus. I'm like this. Home! +Home. Jesus. I'm like this. Home! Home is important to a man. +Home is important to a man. You know what gets me? +You know what gets me? No. +No. How all the magazines show tits today. +How all the magazines show tits today. Um. +Um. Used to be against the law, didn't it? +Used to be against the law, didn't it? I suppose. +I suppose. Must have changed that law. +Home. You know what gets me? +You know what gets me? Oh, shit. +Oh, shit. "How everybody says ""fuck"" and ""shit"" all the time. I used to be scared shitless I'd say ""fuck"" or ""shit"" in public, by accident. Now everybody says ""fuck"" and ""shit,"" ""fuck"" and ""shit"" all the time. Something very big must have happened while we were out of the country." +"How everybody says ""fuck"" and ""shit"" all the time. I used to be scared shitless I'd say ""fuck"" or ""shit"" in public, by accident. Now everybody says ""fuck"" and ""shit,"" ""fuck"" and ""shit"" all the time. Something very big must have happened while we were out of the country." Looseleaf--will you get the hell home? +Looseleaf--will you get the hell home? At least we found the diamonds. +At least we found the diamonds. At least! +At least! I'd really feel stupid if we didn't bring anything back home. +I'd really feel stupid if we didn't bring anything back home. It's enough that you've brought yourself home! +It's enough that you've brought yourself home! I wish you'd tell Alice that. And that Goddamn Mrs. Wheeler. +I wish you'd tell Alice that. And that Goddamn Mrs. Wheeler. Tell them yourself! +Tell them yourself! You don't know my mother-in-law, boy. +You don't know my mother-in-law, boy. After eight years in the jungle with you, I know Mrs. Wheeler better than I know anybody in the universe! +After eight years in the jungle with you, I know Mrs. Wheeler better than I know anybody in the universe! I didn't tell you everything. +I didn't tell you everything. The time we were in a tree for fourteen days, you certainly tried to tell me everything about Mrs. Wheeler. +The time we were in a tree for fourteen days, you certainly tried to tell me everything about Mrs. Wheeler. I didn't even scratch the surface. You're lucky, boy. You come home, and nobody's here. When I go home, everybody's going to be there. +I didn't even scratch the surface. You're lucky, boy. You come home, and nobody's here. When I go home, everybody's going to be there. This room is full of ghosts. +This room is full of ghosts. You're lucky, boy. My house is gonna be filled with people. +You know what gets me? Go home! +Go home! Thank God we found the fucking diamonds! +Thank God we found the fucking diamonds! The hell with the diamonds! +The hell with the diamonds! You were rich before. This is the first time I was ever rich. +You were rich before. This is the first time I was ever rich. Go home! Show them how rich you are for a change! +Go home! Show them how rich you are for a change! Can I have the Cadillac? +Can I have the Cadillac? Take the Cadillac and drive it off a cliff, for all I care. +Take the Cadillac and drive it off a cliff, for all I care. What'll you do for transportation? +What'll you do for transportation? I'll buy a hundred more Cadillacs. Go home! +I'll buy a hundred more Cadillacs. Go home! You know what gets me about that Cadillac? +You know what gets me about that Cadillac? Go home! +Go home! When I drive it, I feel like I'm in the middle of a great big wad of bubblegum. I don't hear anything, I don't feel anything. I figure somebody else is driving. It's a bitch. +When I drive it, I feel like I'm in the middle of a great big wad of bubblegum. I don't hear anything, I don't feel anything. I figure somebody else is driving. It's a bitch. Go home. +Go home. I'm liable to find anything! +I'm liable to find anything! That's the point! Walk in there and find whatever there is to find--before Alice can cover it up. +That's the point! Walk in there and find whatever there is to find--before Alice can cover it up. I know, I know. I dunno. At least she's in the same house. Sure was spooky, looking in the window there, and there she was. +I know, I know. I dunno. At least she's in the same house. Sure was spooky, looking in the window there, and there she was. So long, Colonel. +So long, Colonel. You know what gets me? +You know what gets me? Let's talk about it some other time. +Let's talk about it some other time. How short the skirts are. +How short the skirts are. Good night, Colonel. It's been beautiful. +Good night, Colonel. It's been beautiful. Something very important about sex must have happened while we were gone. +You know what gets me? Those guys who went to the moon! To the moon, boy! Leave me alone! After eight years of horrendously close association, the time has come to part! I crave solitude and time for reflection-- and then a reunion in privacy with my own flesh and blood. You and I may not meet again for months! +Leave me alone! After eight years of horrendously close association, the time has come to part! I crave solitude and time for reflection-- and then a reunion in privacy with my own flesh and blood. You and I may not meet again for months! Months? +Months? I'm certainly not going to come horning back into your life tomorrow, and I will not welcome your horning back into mine. A chapter has ended. We are old comrades--at a parting of the ways. +I'm certainly not going to come horning back into your life tomorrow, and I will not welcome your horning back into mine. A chapter has ended. We are old comrades--at a parting of the ways. I'm lonesome already. +I've been looking at motorcycles. Go home! +Go home! You ever own a motorcycle? +You ever own a motorcycle? You're right! We'll take a trip. A trip is what we'll take. I don't want to talk about motorcycles. I don't want to talk about tits. Go home! +You're right! We'll take a trip. A trip is what we'll take. I don't want to talk about motorcycles. I don't want to talk about tits. Go home! Haven't got one. +And how were things? Let's talk about something else. +Otherwise, how are things? I sure didn't expect her to drop dead. +Could have happened to anybody. First Nagasaki--now this. +First Nagasaki--now this. How about breakfast, wife? +I dunno, boy. The educational process. +The educational process. I guess. You're lucky you don't have any old people around here. +I guess. You're lucky you don't have any old people around here. She was about to get married again. She locked me out of the bedroom last night. +What's funny about that? You know me, boy. +Excuse me. One of them is the doctor, whose weapons are compassion, unselfishness, peacefulness-- maudlin concern. +One of them is the doctor, whose weapons are compassion, unselfishness, peacefulness-- maudlin concern. Huh. +Huh. He and his love are like a retiarius. Do you know what a retiarius is? +He and his love are like a retiarius. Do you know what a retiarius is? He's a kind of gladiator who fights with a knife and a net and doesn't wear anything but a jockstrap. +He's a kind of gladiator who fights with a knife and a net and doesn't wear anything but a jockstrap. How do you know that? +How do you know that? You told me. +You told me. When? +When? When we were up in the tree so long--with the bats. +When we were up in the tree so long--with the bats. Oh. I'd forgotten. +Oh. I'd forgotten. Fourteen times you told me. I counted. +Fourteen times you told me. I counted. Really? +Really? "You'd get this funny look in your eyes, and I'd say to myself, ""Oh, Jesus--he's going to tell me what a retiarius is again.""" +"You'd get this funny look in your eyes, and I'd say to myself, ""Oh, Jesus--he's going to tell me what a retiarius is again.""" Sorry. +Go to the funeral? Of course! Not only go to it but go to it in full uniform! Rent a uniform! +Of course! Not only go to it but go to it in full uniform! Rent a uniform! That's against the law, isn't it? I can't wear a uniform anymore. +That's against the law, isn't it? I can't wear a uniform anymore. Wear your uniform and every decoration, and let them despise you, if they dare. +Wear your uniform and every decoration, and let them despise you, if they dare. Alice would be absolutely tear-ass. +Alice would be absolutely tear-ass. When I was a naive young recruit in Spain, I used to wonder why soldiers bayoneted oil paintings, shot the noses off of statues and defecated into grand pianos. I now understand: It was to teach civilians the deepest sort of respect for men in uniform-- uncontrollable fear. To our women. +When I was a naive young recruit in Spain, I used to wonder why soldiers bayoneted oil paintings, shot the noses off of statues and defecated into grand pianos. I now understand: It was to teach civilians the deepest sort of respect for men in uniform-- uncontrollable fear. To our women. I didn't know we had any women left. +I didn't know we had any women left. The world is teeming with women-- ours to enjoy. +The world is teeming with women-- ours to enjoy. Every time I start thinking like that I get the clap. +I told you the uniform wouldn't help. It helped more than you know. Down deep, people were deeply affected. +It helped more than you know. Down deep, people were deeply affected. "You keep on saying ""deep"" and ""deeply."" I wish something good would happen on the surface sometime." +So, kid--how they hanging? Or don't you say that to a little kid? He's a man. Tell him you're a man. +Of course you'll go! You're going to fly the helicopter. I dunno. +I dunno. You're so low! Look at that beautiful red meat. You haven't touched it. +You're so low! Look at that beautiful red meat. You haven't touched it. Sorry. At least you've got a place to come back to. I don't have a place to come back to anymore. +Sorry. At least you've got a place to come back to. I don't have a place to come back to anymore. All the more reason to go to Africa. +All the more reason to go to Africa. I dunno. You know. I used to really love that Alice. Do you know that? +I dunno. You know. I used to really love that Alice. Do you know that? You know her for what she is now-- garbage. +You know her for what she is now-- garbage. I dunno. +I dunno. She was always a rotten wife! She was against everything manly you ever wanted to do. He was the most daring test pilot in the country at one time, and his wife made him quit. She made him become a life insurance salesman instead. +Hi, Penelope. Shut up, you ninny! You were never to come here again-- for any reason whatsoever! +Go live in a safe-deposit box--with your things. LOOSELEAF Jesus--I wouldn't want to be married to him. You know? What's this? +What's this? I wouldn't want to be married to me. We're too crazy. You know? +I wouldn't want to be married to me. We're too crazy. You know? In what way, pray tell? +In what way, pray tell? I didn't like that violin thing. That was sad. +I didn't like that violin thing. That was sad. Tit for tat--as simple as that. +Tit for tat--as simple as that. You never played a violin. +You never played a violin. You did? +You did? "Yeah. I practically forgot. But after you busted that thing, I got to thinking, ""Jesus--maybe I'll start the violin again."" That didn't just belong to Woodly. That belonged to everybody. Maybe he would have sold it to me, and I could have some fun. After you busted the violin, boy, and Penelope walked out, I thought to myself, ""Jesus--who could blame her?""" +"Yeah. I practically forgot. But after you busted that thing, I got to thinking, ""Jesus--maybe I'll start the violin again."" That didn't just belong to Woodly. That belonged to everybody. Maybe he would have sold it to me, and I could have some fun. After you busted the violin, boy, and Penelope walked out, I thought to myself, ""Jesus--who could blame her?""" Maybe it's time you got out. +Maybe it's time you got out. Me? +Me? You. +You. Okay. Okay. +Okay. Okay. You're an imbecile. +You're an imbecile. I know you think that. +I know you think that. Everybody thinks that. +Everybody thinks that. Anybody who'd drop an atom bomb on a city has to be pretty dumb. +Anybody who'd drop an atom bomb on a city has to be pretty dumb. The one direct, decisive, intelligent act of your life! +The one direct, decisive, intelligent act of your life! I don't think so. It could have been. +I don't think so. It could have been. If what? +If what? "If I hadn't done it. If I'd said to myself, ""Screw it. I'm going to let all those people down there live.""" +"If I hadn't done it. If I'd said to myself, ""Screw it. I'm going to let all those people down there live.""" They were enemies. We were at war. +They were enemies. We were at war. "Yeah, Jesus--but wars would be a lot better, I think, if guys would say to themselves sometimes, ""Jesus--I'm not going to do that to the enemy. That's too much."" You could have been the manufacturer of that violin there, even though you don't know how to make a violin, just by not busting it up. I could have been the father of all those people in Nagasaki, and the mother, too, just by not dropping the bomb. I sent 'em to Heaven instead--and I don't think there is one." +"Yeah, Jesus--but wars would be a lot better, I think, if guys would say to themselves sometimes, ""Jesus--I'm not going to do that to the enemy. That's too much."" You could have been the manufacturer of that violin there, even though you don't know how to make a violin, just by not busting it up. I could have been the father of all those people in Nagasaki, and the mother, too, just by not dropping the bomb. I sent 'em to Heaven instead--and I don't think there is one." Goodbye, Looseleaf. +Hello. How are you, honeybunch? +How are you, honeybunch? Is Penelope in? +Is Penelope in? The posies are for her? +The posies are for her? I wanted to apologize. +I wanted to apologize. You've come to the right man. +You've come to the right man. I forgot my vacuum cleaner. +I forgot my vacuum cleaner. I forget mine for years on end. +I forget mine for years on end. Oh my God-- And you are Looseleaf Harper. +I can't get over how you guys are my friends. Harold Ryan and Looseleaf Harper are my friends. Our pleasure. +Our pleasure. Eight years you guys were together-- through thick and thin. +Eight years you guys were together-- through thick and thin. For seven and a half of those years we were heavily drugged--or we would have been home long before now, believe me. We were saved from starvation by the Lupi-Loopo Indians, who fed us a strange blue soup. +For seven and a half of those years we were heavily drugged--or we would have been home long before now, believe me. We were saved from starvation by the Lupi-Loopo Indians, who fed us a strange blue soup. Blue soup. +Blue soup. It sapped our will--made us peaceful and unenterprising. It was a form of chemical castration. We became two more sleepy Indians. +Are we really going to find out where the elephants go to die? I'd rather go to Viet Nam. +I'd rather go to Viet Nam. Would somebody please pass me the catsup? +Would somebody please pass me the catsup? "What you say is, ""Pass the fucking catsup.""" +"What you say is, ""Pass the fucking catsup.""" Pass the fucking catsup. +Insurance! You actually sold insurance! +What an awful sound! Get used to it. Back door, Paul. +It's possible, of course, that you'll die in Africa. I've considered that. +I've considered that. Selling vacuum cleaners isn't the best preparation you could have. +Selling vacuum cleaners isn't the best preparation you could have. I just want one true adventure before I die. +I just want one true adventure before I die. That can be arranged. +Fifty years? You're making a joke. +You're making a joke. I'm interested in long-term expectations. +I'm interested in long-term expectations. It's engineered to last about fifteen years. +It's engineered to last about fifteen years. Things. Oh--you silly people and your things. Things, things, things. +If I were married to him, I sure wouldn't walk out. Never mind the condition of your body and your spirit! Look after your things, your things! +Who's going to fly our helicopter now? What? +What? We got to get another pilot. +We got to get another pilot. For what? +For what? For Africa. +For Africa. Do you really think that Harold Ryan would go to Africa with a vacuum cleaner salesman? +Do you really think that Harold Ryan would go to Africa with a vacuum cleaner salesman? You invited me. +You invited me. To make an ass of yourself. +To make an ass of yourself. What went wrong? +What went wrong? We're ahead of schedule, that's all. You're finding out here what you would have found out in Africa-- that you are a rabbit, born to be eaten alive. +We're ahead of schedule, that's all. You're finding out here what you would have found out in Africa-- that you are a rabbit, born to be eaten alive. Gee whiz-- +Gee whiz-- It would have been fun to see you drop your rifle and run the first time an elephant charged us. +It would have been fun to see you drop your rifle and run the first time an elephant charged us. I wouldn't drop my gun. +I wouldn't drop my gun. You're hollow, like a woman. +You're hollow, like a woman. I'm smarter than Looseleaf. +I'm smarter than Looseleaf. He can shoot! He can hold his ground! He can attack! You're in your proper profession right now-- sucking up dirt for frumpish housewives, closet drunkards every one. +He can shoot! He can hold his ground! He can attack! You're in your proper profession right now-- sucking up dirt for frumpish housewives, closet drunkards every one. How do you know how I'd act in Africa? +How do you know how I'd act in Africa? Look how you're acting now! This is a moment of truth, and you're almost crying. Slug me! +Look how you're acting now! This is a moment of truth, and you're almost crying. Slug me! You're my buddy. +You're my buddy. Out! Out! +Out! Out! No matter what you say to me, I still think you're the greatest guy I ever knew. +No matter what you say to me, I still think you're the greatest guy I ever knew. Out! +Out! You--you aren't going to have any friends left, if you don't watch out. +You--you aren't going to have any friends left, if you don't watch out. Thank God! +Anybody home? As a matter of fact-- +As a matter of fact-- Sir? +Sir? As a matter of fact--I am home. +As a matter of fact--I am home. Hello. +Hello. Hello. +Hello. Are you-- +You were about to ask a question? Are you--do you-- +Are you--do you-- Ask it! +Ask it! Do you know who Wanda June is? +Do you know who Wanda June is? Life has denied me that thrill. +Life has denied me that thrill. Do you mind if I ask who you are? +Do you mind if I ask who you are? Mind? God, yes, I mind. I'm your father's friend. A man claiming to be the family physician let me in a while ago. +Mind? God, yes, I mind. I'm your father's friend. A man claiming to be the family physician let me in a while ago. Dr. Woodly. +Dr. Woodly. Dr. Woodly. I should make a little list. +Dr. Woodly. I should make a little list. Is anybody besides you here now? +Is anybody besides you here now? The doctor was called away on an emergency. I think it was birth. +The doctor was called away on an emergency. I think it was birth. Where's Mom? +Where's Mom? You don't know where your mother is? Does she put on a short skirt and go drinking all night? +You don't know where your mother is? Does she put on a short skirt and go drinking all night? She went to the fight with Herb Shuttle, I guess. +She went to the fight with Herb Shuttle, I guess. You think you could find me a pencil and paper? +You think you could find me a pencil and paper? I'll see. +And you've been roaming the streets while your mother is God-knows-where? I was going to a funny movie, but I changed my mind. If you're depressed, laughing doesn't help much. When did you know my father? +I was going to a funny movie, but I changed my mind. If you're depressed, laughing doesn't help much. When did you know my father? Man and boy. +Man and boy. Everybody says he was so brave. +Everybody says he was so brave. "Even this--""Herb Shuttle"", you said?" +"Even this--""Herb Shuttle"", you said?" He worships Father. +He worships Father. Ah! And what sort of man is this worshiper? +Ah! And what sort of man is this worshiper? He's a vacuum cleaner salesman. +He's a vacuum cleaner salesman. I see. And he came into the apartment one day, to demonstrate his wares, and your mother, as it happened, was charmingly en deshabille-- +I see. And he came into the apartment one day, to demonstrate his wares, and your mother, as it happened, was charmingly en deshabille-- She met him at college. +She met him at college. College! +College! They were in the same creative writing class. +They were in the same creative writing class. College? +College? She has a master's degree in English literature. +She has a master's degree in English literature. What a pity! Educating a beautiful woman is like pouring honey into a fine Swiss watch. Everything stops. And the doctor? He worships your father, too? +What a pity! Educating a beautiful woman is like pouring honey into a fine Swiss watch. Everything stops. And the doctor? He worships your father, too? He insults him all the time. +He insults him all the time. Excellent! +Excellent! What's good about that? +What's good about that? It makes life spicy. +It makes life spicy. He doesn't do it in front of me, but he does it with Mother. You know what he called Father one time? +He doesn't do it in front of me, but he does it with Mother. You know what he called Father one time? No. +No. """Harold, the Patron Saint of Taxidermy.""" +"""Harold, the Patron Saint of Taxidermy.""" What does he do--of an athletic nature? +What does he do--of an athletic nature? Nothing. He plays a violin in a doctors' quartet. +Nothing. He plays a violin in a doctors' quartet. Aha! He has a brilliant military record, I'm sure. +Aha! He has a brilliant military record, I'm sure. He was a stretcher-bearer in the Korean War. Were you in a war with Father? +He was a stretcher-bearer in the Korean War. Were you in a war with Father? Big ones, little ones, teeny-weeny ones--just and otherwise. +Big ones, little ones, teeny-weeny ones--just and otherwise. Tell me some true stories about Dad. +Tell me some true stories about Dad. """Dad?"" Dad. The boy wants tales of derring-do. Name a country." +"""Dad?"" Dad. The boy wants tales of derring-do. Name a country." England? +England? Oh hell. +Oh hell. Dad was never in England? +Dad was never in England? "Behind a desk for a little while. A desk! They had him planning air raids. A city can't flee like a coward or fight like a man, and the choice between fleeing and fighting was at the core of the life of Harold Ryan. There was only one thing he enjoyed more than watching someone make that choice, and that was making the choice himself. Ask about Spain, where he was the youngest soldier in the Abraham Lincoln Brigade. He was a famous sniper. They called him ""La Picadura""--""the sting.""" +"Behind a desk for a little while. A desk! They had him planning air raids. A city can't flee like a coward or fight like a man, and the choice between fleeing and fighting was at the core of the life of Harold Ryan. There was only one thing he enjoyed more than watching someone make that choice, and that was making the choice himself. Ask about Spain, where he was the youngest soldier in the Abraham Lincoln Brigade. He was a famous sniper. They called him ""La Picadura""--""the sting.""" """The sting.""" +"""The sting.""" "As in ""Death, where is thy sting?"" He killed at least fifty men, wounded hundreds more." +"As in ""Death, where is thy sting?"" He killed at least fifty men, wounded hundreds more." """The sting.""" +"""The sting.""" Ask about the time he and I were parachuted into Yugoslavia to join a guerrilla band--in the war against the Nazis. +Ask about the time he and I were parachuted into Yugoslavia to join a guerrilla band--in the war against the Nazis. Tell me that. +Tell me that. I saw your father fight Major Siegfried von Konigswald, the Beast of Yugoslavia, hand to hand. +I saw your father fight Major Siegfried von Konigswald, the Beast of Yugoslavia, hand to hand. Tell me that! Tell me that! +Tell me that! Tell me that! Hid by day--fought by night. At sunset one day, your father and I, peering through field glasses, saw a black Mercedes draw up to a village inn. It was escorted by two motorcyclists and an armored car. Out of the Mercedes stepped one of the most hateful men in all of history--the Beast of Yugoslavia. +Hid by day--fought by night. At sunset one day, your father and I, peering through field glasses, saw a black Mercedes draw up to a village inn. It was escorted by two motorcyclists and an armored car. Out of the Mercedes stepped one of the most hateful men in all of history--the Beast of Yugoslavia. Wow. +Wow. We blacked our hands and faces. At midnight we crept out of the forest and into the village. The name of the village was Mhravitch. Remember that name! +We blacked our hands and faces. At midnight we crept out of the forest and into the village. The name of the village was Mhravitch. Remember that name! Mhravitch. +Mhravitch. We came up behind a sentry, and your father slit his throat before he could utter a sound. +We came up behind a sentry, and your father slit his throat before he could utter a sound. Uck. +Uck. Don't care for cold steel? A knife is worse than a bullet? +Don't care for cold steel? A knife is worse than a bullet? I don't know. +I don't know. The story gets hairier. Should I stop? +The story gets hairier. Should I stop? Go on. +Go on. We caught another Kraut alone in a back lane. Your father choked him to death with a length of piano wire. Your father was quite a virtuoso with piano wire. That's nicer than a knife, isn't it--as long as you don't look at the face afterwards. The face turns a curious shade of avocado. I must ask the doctor why that is. At any rate, we stole into the back of the inn, and, with the permission of the management, we poisoned the wine of six Krauts who were carousing there. +We caught another Kraut alone in a back lane. Your father choked him to death with a length of piano wire. Your father was quite a virtuoso with piano wire. That's nicer than a knife, isn't it--as long as you don't look at the face afterwards. The face turns a curious shade of avocado. I must ask the doctor why that is. At any rate, we stole into the back of the inn, and, with the permission of the management, we poisoned the wine of six Krauts who were carousing there. Where did you get the poison? +Where did you get the poison? We carried cyanide capsules. We were supposed to swallow them in case we were captured. It was your father's opinion that the Krauts needed them more than we did at the time. +We carried cyanide capsules. We were supposed to swallow them in case we were captured. It was your father's opinion that the Krauts needed them more than we did at the time. "And one of them was the Beast of Yugoslavia? HAROLD The Beast was upstairs, and he came running downstairs, for his men were making loud farewells and last wills and testaments--editorializing about the hospitality they had received. And your father said to him in perfect German, which he had learned in the Spanish Civil War, ""Major, something tragic seems to have happened to your bodyguard. I am Harold Ryan, of the United States of America. You, I believe, are the Beast of Yugoslavia.""" +Mhravitch. Remember that name. Mhravitch. +Mhravitch. The name will live forever. It was there that Harold Ryan slew the Beast of Yugoslavia. Mhravitch. +The name will live forever. It was there that Harold Ryan slew the Beast of Yugoslavia. Mhravitch. When I grow up, I'm going to go to Mhravitch. +When I grow up, I'm going to go to Mhravitch. It's rather a disappointment these days. It isn't there any more. +It's rather a disappointment these days. It isn't there any more. Sir? +Sir? The Germans shot everybody who lived there, then leveled it, plowed it, planted turnips and cabbages in the fertile ground. They wished revenge for the slaying of the Beast of Yugoslavia. To their twisted way of thinking, your father had butchered an Eagle Scout. Play lots of contact sports? +The Germans shot everybody who lived there, then leveled it, plowed it, planted turnips and cabbages in the fertile ground. They wished revenge for the slaying of the Beast of Yugoslavia. To their twisted way of thinking, your father had butchered an Eagle Scout. Play lots of contact sports? I wanted to go out for football, but Mom was afraid I'd get hurt. +I wanted to go out for football, but Mom was afraid I'd get hurt. You're supposed to get hurt! +You're supposed to get hurt! Dr. Woodly says he's seen hundreds of children permanently injured by football. He says that when there's a war, everybody goes but football players. +Dr. Woodly says he's seen hundreds of children permanently injured by football. He says that when there's a war, everybody goes but football players. Does it bother you to have your mother engaged to a man like that? +Does it bother you to have your mother engaged to a man like that? They're not engaged. +They're not engaged. He seems to think they are. He told me that were. +He seems to think they are. He told me that were. Oh no, no, no, no, no. It can't be. How embarrassing. +Oh no, no, no, no, no. It can't be. How embarrassing. You're a very good boy to respond that way. +You're a very good boy to respond that way. No, no, no, no, no. +No, no, no, no, no. I'd like to use the sanitary facilities, if I may. +I'd like to use the sanitary facilities, if I may. Go ahead. No, no, no, no. +Yes, wife, it is. Come here, boy. Your father is home. Sir? +Wants to fix up her makeup, no doubt. Is Looseleaf Harper alive? +Is Looseleaf Harper alive? Alive and hale. He's throwing a little surprise party for his own family. Is your mother often this unstable? Penelope! +Alive and hale. He's throwing a little surprise party for his own family. Is your mother often this unstable? Penelope! She's a real heavy sleeper sometimes. +She's a real heavy sleeper sometimes. Why don't you go to bed--son. +Why don't you go to bed--son. I can't take my eyes off you. +I can't take my eyes off you. Tomorrow's another day. PAUL You know what my English literature teacher said about you? +Tomorrow's another day. PAUL You know what my English literature teacher said about you? Can't it keep till morning? +Can't it keep till morning? "She said you were legendary. I wrote a theme about you, and she said, ""Your father is a legendary hero out of the Golden Age of Heroes.""" +"She said you were legendary. I wrote a theme about you, and she said, ""Your father is a legendary hero out of the Golden Age of Heroes.""" That's nice. You thank her for me. Go to bed and get lots of sleep, and then you thank her in the morning. +That's nice. You thank her for me. Go to bed and get lots of sleep, and then you thank her in the morning. Tomorrow's Saturday. Anyway, she's dead. +Tomorrow's Saturday. Anyway, she's dead. Penelope! +Penelope! She was killed in the park two months ago--in the daytime. +She was killed in the park two months ago--in the daytime. Penelope! +Penelope! She was on her way home from a meeting of the African Violet Society, and they got her. +She was on her way home from a meeting of the African Violet Society, and they got her. Will you go to bed? +Will you go to bed? Yes sir. If you can't wake Mom up, I've got double-decker bunks. +Yes sir. If you can't wake Mom up, I've got double-decker bunks. Scat! +Dad's got jungle fever, Mom. What'll I do? Mom! Damn. +Damn. Mom? +Play? Your mother and I do not wish to be disturbed for three full hours. +A hundred dollars! The smallest thing I've got. +The smallest thing I've got. Can I get dressed first? +Can I get dressed first? Make it fast. +Dad-- Couldn't you have vanished quietly out the back door? +Couldn't you have vanished quietly out the back door? A hundred dollars for breakfast? +A hundred dollars for breakfast? Leave a tip. +What kind of exercise? Beat the shit out of someone who hates you. +I'm a man. We've got to do something to make this boy's voice change. I wonder if we couldn't get bull balls somewhere, and fry 'em up. Still miss your mother? +We've got to do something to make this boy's voice change. I wonder if we couldn't get bull balls somewhere, and fry 'em up. Still miss your mother? No. +No. You're free to go to her, if you want. If you'd rather be a woman and run with the women, just say the word. +Dad? Who was it? +Who was it? It's Mom. +Mom? What's this? +What's this? Nothing. +Nothing. That's a rifle you have? +That's a rifle you have? No. +No. Of course it is. Is it loaded? +Of course it is. Is it loaded? No. +No. Open the bolt! +That's a cartridge, if I'm not mistaken. Gunpowder, bullet, cartridge case, and fulminate of mercury percussion cap--all set to go. PAUL I was cleaning it. Pick up that cartridge and slip it back into the chamber--where it belongs. +Pick up that cartridge and slip it back into the chamber--where it belongs. Gee whiz, Dad-- +Gee whiz, Dad-- Welcome to manhood, you little sparrowfart! Load that gun! +Welcome to manhood, you little sparrowfart! Load that gun! Dad-- +Dad-- Too late! It's man to man now. Protecting your mother from me, are you? Protect her!` +Then speak, by God! Can you fight with words? I don't want to fight you. +I don't want to fight you. Get mad! Tell me you don't like the way I treat your mother! Tell me you wish I'd never come home! +Get mad! Tell me you don't like the way I treat your mother! Tell me you wish I'd never come home! It's your house, Dad. +It's your house, Dad. Everybody simply evaporates! There are guest issues to be fought out here--or to be argued, at least. The enemy, the champion of all who oppose me, is in East St. Louis with his mother and his aunt! I have so far done battle with a woman and a child and a violin. +I don't know what I hope. But I don't think you care what I hope, anyway. You don't know me. You don't know her, either. I don't think you know anybody. You talk to everybody just the same. I'm talking to you gently now. +I'm talking to you gently now. Yeah. But it's going to get loud again. +How do you do. My name is Penelope Ryan. This is a simple-minded play about men who enjoy killing--and those who don't. I am Harold Ryan, her husband. I have killed perhaps two hundred men in wars of various sorts--as a professional soldier. I have killed thousands of other animals as well--for sport. +"""Hamburger Heaven.""" Heaven. +Can I help you, sir? I think so, daughter. How old are you? +I think so, daughter. How old are you? Eighteen-- and a half. +Eighteen-- and a half. A springbok, an oryx, a gemsbok--a gazelle. +A springbok, an oryx, a gemsbok--a gazelle. Sir? +Sir? Raw hamburger, please--and a whole onion. I want to eat the onion like an apple. Do you understand? +Raw hamburger, please--and a whole onion. I want to eat the onion like an apple. Do you understand? Yes, sir. It was a very unusual automobile. It was a Cadillac, but it had water buffalo horns where the bumpers should be. And what to drink? +Yes, sir. It was a very unusual automobile. It was a Cadillac, but it had water buffalo horns where the bumpers should be. And what to drink? What time do you get off work, my child? +What time do you get off work, my child? I'm sorry, sir, I'm engaged to be married. My boyfriend would be mad if I went out with another man. +I'm sorry, sir, I'm engaged to be married. My boyfriend would be mad if I went out with another man. Did you ever daydream that you would one day meet a friendly millionaire? +Did you ever daydream that you would one day meet a friendly millionaire? I'm engaged. +I'm engaged. Daughter--I love you very much. +Daughter--I love you very much. You don't even know me. +You don't even know me. You are woman. I know woman well. +You are woman. I know woman well. This is crazy. +This is crazy. Destiny often seems that way. You're going to marry me. +Destiny often seems that way. You're going to marry me. What do you do for a living? +What do you do for a living? My parents died in an automobile accident when I was sixteen years old. They left me a brewery and a baseball team--and other things. I live for a living. I've just come back from Kenya--in Africa. I've been hunting Mau Mau there. +My parents died in an automobile accident when I was sixteen years old. They left me a brewery and a baseball team--and other things. I live for a living. I've just come back from Kenya--in Africa. I've been hunting Mau Mau there. Some kind of animal? +Some kind of animal? The pelt is black. It's a kind of man. +How do you do? How do you do, Mrs. Ryan? I'd heard you were beautiful, and so you are. Am I intruding here? +How do you do, Mrs. Ryan? I'd heard you were beautiful, and so you are. Am I intruding here? Not at all. +Not at all. I couldn't help overhearing that you were about to get married again. +What's the matter? Give us time. +Give us time. Like hugging a lamp post. +Like hugging a lamp post. Give us time, Harold--to adjust to your being alive. +Give us time, Harold--to adjust to your being alive. You were well adjusted to my being dead? +You were well adjusted to my being dead? We adjust to what there is to adjust to. Perhaps Paul, being young, can adjust to joy or grief immediately. I hope he can. I will take a little longer. I'll be as quick as I can. +We adjust to what there is to adjust to. Perhaps Paul, being young, can adjust to joy or grief immediately. I hope he can. I will take a little longer. I'll be as quick as I can. What sort of time period do you have in mind? Half an hour? An hour? +What sort of time period do you have in mind? Half an hour? An hour? I don't know. This is a new disease to me. +I don't know. This is a new disease to me. Disease? +Disease? Situation. +Situation. This reunion isn't what I imagined it would be. +This reunion isn't what I imagined it would be. A telegram--a phone call might have helped. +A telegram--a phone call might have helped. Seemed the most honest way to begin life together again--natural, unrehearsed. +Seemed the most honest way to begin life together again--natural, unrehearsed. Well--enjoy the natural, honest, unrehearsed result--surgical shock. +Well--enjoy the natural, honest, unrehearsed result--surgical shock. You feel that you're behaving as a woman should? +You feel that you're behaving as a woman should? Every fuse in my nervous system has been blown. +Bluh. You'd better get Dr. Woodly. +What's that all about? We thought a doctor might help. +We thought a doctor might help. Your old beau? +Your old beau? We thought it was an emergency. +We thought it was an emergency. I don't want that chancre mechanic in here. +I don't want that chancre mechanic in here. He's a very decent man, Harold. +He's a very decent man, Harold. We all are. +We all are. Shouldn't you lie down? +Shouldn't you lie down? When I'm dead-- or fucking. +When I'm dead-- or fucking. Paul said you were awfully sick. +Paul said you were awfully sick. I was, I was. It never lasts long. +You know what I want? I want you both to be friends. I know you both, respect you both. You should be friends. Nothing would please me more. +Nothing would please me more. Thank God! +I'm so glad you like each other. I was so scared, so scared. Have some. +Harold! I could carve a better man out of a banana! +I could carve a better man out of a banana! Please-- +Please-- You and your damned bedside manner and your damned little black bag full of miracles. You know who filled that bag for you? Not Alice-sit-by-the-fires like yourself. Men with guts filled it, by God--men with guts enough to pay the price for miracles--suffering, ingratitude, loneliness, death-- +He doesn't deserve this! You don't know him. It isn't fair! He thought he could take my place. It is now my privilege to give an unambiguous account of why I don't think he's man enough to do that. +Awful. I can't tell you how sorry I am. Say hello to your mother. +Say hello to your mother. Do say hello to your mother. +Now that's what I call fun. Ghastly, cruel, unnecessary. +Ghastly, cruel, unnecessary. You'll get so you enjoy twitting weaklings again. You used to eat it up. +You'll get so you enjoy twitting weaklings again. You used to eat it up. I did? +I did? We were one hell of a pair--and we'll be one again. What we need is a honeymoon. Let's start right now. +We were one hell of a pair--and we'll be one again. What we need is a honeymoon. Let's start right now. A trip, you mean? +A trip, you mean? I had a trip. We'll honeymoon here. Go out and play. +He hasn't had breakfast yet. Buy yourself breakfast. There we go. +Honeymoon! Honeymoon! Say it: Honeymoon! It's so--so stark. +It's so--so stark. You used to like it stark! +You used to like it stark! Just--bang--we have a honeymoon. +Just--bang--we have a honeymoon. I'm not going to strike you. I am going to be as gentle as pie--as lemon meringue pie. You mustn't run away now. This is your loving husband approaching. I'm your husband. Society approves! +Now--turn around, if you would. Turn around? +Turn around? I'm not about to introduce to you a jungle novelty. What I have in mind is massage--a perfectly decent massage. Turn around, turn around. +I'm going to touch your shoulders very gently now. You mustn't scream. So tense, so tense. You shouldn't have talked to Norbert that way. +You shouldn't have talked to Norbert that way. You're thinking with your brain instead of your body. That's why you're so tense! Forget Norbert. Relax. It's body time. +You're thinking with your brain instead of your body. That's why you're so tense! Forget Norbert. Relax. It's body time. I have a brain. +I have a brain. We all do. But now it's body time. Relax. Ideally, the body of a woman should feel like a hot water bottle filled with Devonshire cream. You feel like a paper bag crammed with curtain rods. Think of your muscles one by one. Let them go slack. Relax. Let the brain go blank. Relax. That's the idea-- that's my girl. Now the small of the back. Let those knots over those kidneys unsnarl. +I have some change! Ram it up your ass! +Breakfast? Scrambled eggs, kippered herring, fried potatoes--and a whole onion. I want to eat the onion like an apple. Do you understand? +And lots of orange juice--oceans of orange juice. Mrs. Wheeler is dead. +Mrs. Wheeler is dead. All right--bring me a side order of Mrs. Wheeler. Oh, hell--sit down, Colonel. Penelope will bring you some chow. +All right--bring me a side order of Mrs. Wheeler. Oh, hell--sit down, Colonel. Penelope will bring you some chow. That is the most heartless statement I ever heard pass between human lips. +That is the most heartless statement I ever heard pass between human lips. Which one? +Which one? """Bring me a side order of Mrs. Wheeler.""" +"""Bring me a side order of Mrs. Wheeler.""" She's up in Heaven now. She didn't hear. She is experiencing nothing but pure happiness. There's nothing nicer than that. Chow! Harold Ryan wants chow! +She's up in Heaven now. She didn't hear. She is experiencing nothing but pure happiness. There's nothing nicer than that. Chow! Harold Ryan wants chow! What a honeymoon. +What a honeymoon. Honeymoon temporarily canceled. The boy should still go out and exercise. I have the impression he never gets any exercise. He simply bloats himself with Fig Newtons and bakes his brains over steam radiators. +Honeymoon temporarily canceled. The boy should still go out and exercise. I have the impression he never gets any exercise. He simply bloats himself with Fig Newtons and bakes his brains over steam radiators. You're wrong. +You're wrong. Then let me see him go out and get some exercise. Right now! +Chow, chow, chow! God damn it-- nutriment! We're all going to have to go out for breakfast. The cook quit yesterday. +We're all going to have to go out for breakfast. The cook quit yesterday. You're a woman, aren't you? +Cook, by God! Cook! You're the nigger now. People don't use that word any more. +People don't use that word any more. Don't lecture me on race relations. I don't have a molecule of prejudice. I've been in battle with every kind of man there is. I've been in bed with every kind of woman there is--from a Laplander to a Tierra del Fuegian. If I'd ever been to the South Pole, there'd be a hell of a lot of penguins who looked like me. Cook! +Don't lecture me on race relations. I don't have a molecule of prejudice. I've been in battle with every kind of man there is. I've been in bed with every kind of woman there is--from a Laplander to a Tierra del Fuegian. If I'd ever been to the South Pole, there'd be a hell of a lot of penguins who looked like me. Cook! You leave me so--so without-- without dignity. +You leave me so--so without-- without dignity. People now have dignity when frying eggs? +People now have dignity when frying eggs? They don't have to feel like slaves. +They don't have to feel like slaves. Then go now--and fry with dignity-- sunnyside up. +I should have torn that door off its hinges. Should have scrogged her ears off. Should have broken the bed. What do you want? Well? I--I was wondering--is there anything you shouldn't eat--because of jungle fever? +I--I was wondering--is there anything you shouldn't eat--because of jungle fever? I could eat a raw baby crocodile. The way to get your wife back is in bed. Do such a job on her that she'll be lucky if she can crawl around on all fours. We're starving. Do you mind? +Let me guess--breakfast is served? No. +No. What then? +What then? I do not wish to be scrogged--ever. I never heard that word, but when I heard it, I knew it was one thing I never wanted to have happen to me. +I do not wish to be scrogged--ever. I never heard that word, but when I heard it, I knew it was one thing I never wanted to have happen to me. That's what you're supposed to say. +That's what you're supposed to say. This is not a coy deception. I do not want to be scrogged. I want love. I want tenderness. +This is not a coy deception. I do not want to be scrogged. I want love. I want tenderness. You don't know you want. That's the way God built you! +You don't know you want. That's the way God built you! I will not be scrogged. I remember one time I saw you wrench a hook from the throat of a fish with a pair of pliers, and you promised me that the fish couldn't feel. +I will not be scrogged. I remember one time I saw you wrench a hook from the throat of a fish with a pair of pliers, and you promised me that the fish couldn't feel. It couldn't! +It couldn't! I'd like to have the expert opinion of the fish--along with yours. +I'd like to have the expert opinion of the fish--along with yours. Fish can't feel. +Fish can't feel. Well, I can. Some injuries, spiritual or physical, can be excruciating to me. I'm not a silly carhop any more. Maybe you're right about fish. When I was a carhop, I didn't feel much more than a fish would. But I've been sensitized. I have ideas now--and solid information. I know a lot more now--and a lot of it has to do with you. +Well, I can. Some injuries, spiritual or physical, can be excruciating to me. I'm not a silly carhop any more. Maybe you're right about fish. When I was a carhop, I didn't feel much more than a fish would. But I've been sensitized. I have ideas now--and solid information. I know a lot more now--and a lot of it has to do with you. Such as?... +Such as?... The whole concept of heroism--and its sexual roots. +The whole concept of heroism--and its sexual roots. Tell me about its sexual roots. +Tell me about its sexual roots. It's complicated and I don't want to go into it now, because it's bound to sound insulting--even though nobody means for anybody to be insulted. It's just the truth. +It's complicated and I don't want to go into it now, because it's bound to sound insulting--even though nobody means for anybody to be insulted. It's just the truth. I like the truth. I wouldn't be alive today if I weren't one of the biggest fans truth ever had. +I like the truth. I wouldn't be alive today if I weren't one of the biggest fans truth ever had. Well--part of it is that heroes basically hate home and never stay there very long, and make awful messes while they're there. +Well--part of it is that heroes basically hate home and never stay there very long, and make awful messes while they're there. Go on. +Go on. And they have very mixed feelings about women. They hate them in a way. One reason they like war so much is that they can capture enemy women and not have to make love to them slowly and gently. They can scrog them, as you say-- for revenge. +And they have very mixed feelings about women. They hate them in a way. One reason they like war so much is that they can capture enemy women and not have to make love to them slowly and gently. They can scrog them, as you say-- for revenge. You learned this in some college course? +You learned this in some college course? I learned a lot of things in college. Actually--it was Norbert who told me that. +I learned a lot of things in college. Actually--it was Norbert who told me that. The doctor. +The doctor. Yes. +Yes. And what is his most cherished possession? +And what is his most cherished possession? His most cherished possession? His violin, I guess. +His most cherished possession? His violin, I guess. And he keeps it in his apartment? +And he keeps it in his apartment? Yes. +Yes. And no one's there now? +And no one's there now? I don't think so. +I don't think so. That's too bad. I would rather have him at home--to see what I'm going to do. +That's too bad. I would rather have him at home--to see what I'm going to do. What are you going to do? +What are you going to do? He did his best to destroy my most precious possession, which is the high opinion women have of me. I'm now going to even that score. I'm going to break in his door and I'm going to smash his violin. +He did his best to destroy my most precious possession, which is the high opinion women have of me. I'm now going to even that score. I'm going to break in his door and I'm going to smash his violin. No you're not! +No you're not! Why not? +Why not? Because if you do--I'll leave you. HAROLD Goodbye. +I came for my clothes. Sneaking in the back door. +Sneaking in the back door. I rang. It seemed like the proper door for a servile, worthless organism to use. +I rang. It seemed like the proper door for a servile, worthless organism to use. Your clothes are at the city dump by now. Perhaps you can get a map from the Department of Sanitation. +Your clothes are at the city dump by now. Perhaps you can get a map from the Department of Sanitation. I came for Paul as well. +I came for Paul as well. If he wants to go. +If he wants to go. You took him to the funeral, I hear. +You took him to the funeral, I hear. He'd never seen a corpse. He's seen a dozen now. +He'd never seen a corpse. He's seen a dozen now. A dozen? +A dozen? It's a big and busy funeral home. +It's a big and busy funeral home. Did you like it, dear? +Did you like it, dear? It isn't a matter of liking. It's a matter of getting used to death-- as a perfectly natural thing. Would you mind leaving? No woman ever walks out on Harold Ryan, and then comes back--for anything. +It isn't a matter of liking. It's a matter of getting used to death-- as a perfectly natural thing. Would you mind leaving? No woman ever walks out on Harold Ryan, and then comes back--for anything. Unless she has nerve. +Unless she has nerve. More nerve than the doctor, I must admit. He hasn't been home for two days. Has he suddenly lost interest in sleep and color television--and the violin? +More nerve than the doctor, I must admit. He hasn't been home for two days. Has he suddenly lost interest in sleep and color television--and the violin? He knows you shattered his violin. +He knows you shattered his violin. I'm dying to hear of his reaction. The thrill of smashing something isn't in the smashing, but in the owner's reactions. +I'm dying to hear of his reaction. The thrill of smashing something isn't in the smashing, but in the owner's reactions. He cried. +He cried. About a broomstick and a cigar box--and the attenuated intestines of an alley cat. +About a broomstick and a cigar box--and the attenuated intestines of an alley cat. Two hundred years old. +Two hundred years old. He feels awful loss--which was precisely my intention. +He feels awful loss--which was precisely my intention. He had hoped that someone would be playing it still--two hundred years from now. +He had hoped that someone would be playing it still--two hundred years from now. Hope. +Things. You feel I've done a dreadful thing--leaving him? +Well--what have we here? A family. Almost a Christmas scene. +Almost a Christmas scene. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. +Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. Just one favor. +Just one favor. Money? There's plenty of that. Mildred got the brewery. You'll probably get the baseball team. +Money? There's plenty of that. Mildred got the brewery. You'll probably get the baseball team. I want you to tell me that you loved me once. +Testimonials of that sort are--are beyond my range. I don't do them well. That's a failing, I know. I see. +See how you've upset him. He was so merry and hale before you came home. How unhappy he's going to be--alone in his room. +How unhappy he's going to be--alone in his room. He'll play with his rifle, I expect. That will cheer him up. +He'll play with his rifle, I expect. That will cheer him up. Rifle? +Rifle? I bought him a twenty-two yesterday--on the way home from Hamburger Heaven. And where is the good doctor? Have you two feathered a love nest somewhere? +I bought him a twenty-two yesterday--on the way home from Hamburger Heaven. And where is the good doctor? Have you two feathered a love nest somewhere? He's in East St. Louis with his mother--visiting an aunt. +He's in East St. Louis with his mother--visiting an aunt. Last I heard, his mother was going alone. +Last I heard, his mother was going alone. He's afraid of you, Harold. He knew you'd want to fight him. He doesn't know anything about fighting. He hates pain. +He's afraid of you, Harold. He knew you'd want to fight him. He doesn't know anything about fighting. He hates pain. And you, a supposedly healthy woman, do not detest him for his cowardice? +And you, a supposedly healthy woman, do not detest him for his cowardice? It seems highly intelligent to me. +It seems highly intelligent to me. What kind of a country has this become? The men wear beads and refuse to fight--and the woman adore them. America's days of greatness are over. It has drunk the blue soup. +What kind of a country has this become? The men wear beads and refuse to fight--and the woman adore them. America's days of greatness are over. It has drunk the blue soup. Blue soup? +Blue soup? "An Indian narcotic we were forced to drink. It put us in a haze--a honey-colored haze which was lavender around the edge. We laughed, we sang, we snoozed. When a bird called, we answered back. Every living thing was our brother or our sister, we thought. Looseleaf stepped on a cockroach six inches long, and we cried. We had a funeral that went on for five days--for the cockroach! I sang ""Oh Promise Me."" Can you imagine? Where the hell did I ever learn the words to ""Oh Promise Me""? Looseleaf delivered a lecture on maintenance procedures for the hydraulic system of a B-36. All the time we were drinking more blue soup, more blue soup! Never stopped drinking blue soup. Blue soup all the time. We'd go out after food in that honey-colored haze, and everything that was edible had a penumbra of lavender." +"An Indian narcotic we were forced to drink. It put us in a haze--a honey-colored haze which was lavender around the edge. We laughed, we sang, we snoozed. When a bird called, we answered back. Every living thing was our brother or our sister, we thought. Looseleaf stepped on a cockroach six inches long, and we cried. We had a funeral that went on for five days--for the cockroach! I sang ""Oh Promise Me."" Can you imagine? Where the hell did I ever learn the words to ""Oh Promise Me""? Looseleaf delivered a lecture on maintenance procedures for the hydraulic system of a B-36. All the time we were drinking more blue soup, more blue soup! Never stopped drinking blue soup. Blue soup all the time. We'd go out after food in that honey-colored haze, and everything that was edible had a penumbra of lavender." Sounds quite beautiful. +Sounds quite beautiful. Beautiful, you say? It wasn't life, it wasn't death--it wasn't anything! Beautiful? Seven years gone-- like that, like that! Seven years of silliness and random dreams! Seven years of nothingness, when there could have been so much! +Beautiful, you say? It wasn't life, it wasn't death--it wasn't anything! Beautiful? Seven years gone-- like that, like that! Seven years of silliness and random dreams! Seven years of nothingness, when there could have been so much! Like what? +Like what? Action! Interaction! Give and take! Challenge and response! +He's a child! With an iron penis three feet long. Load it, boy. +With an iron penis three feet long. Load it, boy. You're begging him to kill you? +You're begging him to kill you? If he thinks he's man enough. +If he thinks he's man enough. That's really what you want. You become furious when people won't make you dead. +That's really what you want. You become furious when people won't make you dead. I'm teaching my son to be a man. +I'm teaching my son to be a man. So he can kill you. You hate your own life that much. You beg for a hero to kill you. +So he can kill you. You hate your own life that much. You beg for a hero to kill you. I plan to live one hundred years! +I plan to live one hundred years! No you don't. +No you don't. If that's the case--what's to prevent my killing myself? +If that's the case--what's to prevent my killing myself? Honor, I suppose. +Honor, I suppose. What a handsome word. +What a handsome word. But it's all balled up in your head with death. The highest honor is death. When you talk of these animals, one by one, you don't just talk of killing them. You honored them with death. Harold--it is not honor to be killed. +But it's all balled up in your head with death. The highest honor is death. When you talk of these animals, one by one, you don't just talk of killing them. You honored them with death. Harold--it is not honor to be killed. If you've lived a good life, fought well-- +If you've lived a good life, fought well-- It's still just death, the absence of life--no honor at all. It's worse than the blue soup by far-- that nothingness. To you, though, it's the honor that crowns them all. +It's still just death, the absence of life--no honor at all. It's worse than the blue soup by far-- that nothingness. To you, though, it's the honor that crowns them all. May I continue with the rearing of my son? Load that gun! +The old heroes are going to have to get used to this, Harold--the new heroes who refuse to fight. They're trying to save the planet. There's no time for battle, no point to battle anymore. I feel mocked, insulted, with no sort of satisfaction in prospect. We don't have to fight with steel. I can fight with words. I'm not an inarticulate ape, you know, who grabs a rock for want of a vocabulary. Call him up in East St. Louis, Penelope. Tell him to come here. +I feel mocked, insulted, with no sort of satisfaction in prospect. We don't have to fight with steel. I can fight with words. I'm not an inarticulate ape, you know, who grabs a rock for want of a vocabulary. Call him up in East St. Louis, Penelope. Tell him to come here. No. +No. No. +And my son, the only son of Harold Ryan--he's going to grow up to be a vanisher, too? I don't know. I hope he never hunts. I hope he never kills another human being. +I don't know. I hope he never hunts. I hope he never kills another human being. You hope this, too? +I'm going to call the police. Don't! +This is suicide. Go get the police. Stop! +No, we won't. No matter how it begins, it will end in death. Because it always does. Isn't that always how it ends, Harold--in death? There has to be a threat of some sort, nobility of some sort, glamour of some sort, sport of some sort. These elements are lacking. +I'm turning off the alarm. I'm turning off everything. Ah! The lady is armed. +Ah! The lady is armed. I want you to get out of here, Norbert. Harold--I want you to sit down in the chair, and not lift a finger until Norbert is gone. +I want you to get out of here, Norbert. Harold--I want you to sit down in the chair, and not lift a finger until Norbert is gone. Whoever has the gun, you see, gets to tell everybody else exactly what to do. It's the American way. +Whoever has the gun, you see, gets to tell everybody else exactly what to do. It's the American way. I mean it! +I mean it! Then you'd better fix your bayonet, because there aren't any bullets in the gun. +Then you'd better fix your bayonet, because there aren't any bullets in the gun. Where's the bullet? +Help your mother find the bullet. There it is. Give it to me. +How do I load? Load it for her. +All right! Am I exceedingly dangerous now? The National Safety Council would be appalled. +The National Safety Council would be appalled. Then listen to me. You're both disgusting--with your pride, your pride. I hate you for coming here--like a federal marshal in a western film. I loved you when you stayed away. But here you are now--high noon in the Superbowl! You fool, you fool. +She's right, Norbert--go home. WOODLY I haven't said all I have to say. Out! +Give me that Goddamn thing! Now get out of here, or I might kill you. Who knows? You've killed women? +You've killed women? Seventeen of them--eleven by accident. March! Move! You, too! +Norbert--you come, too. Let him go, Harold. Let him go. Of course he can go--if he'll just go down on his hands and knees for a moment--and promise me that he does not find me comical in the least degree. +Of course he can go--if he'll just go down on his hands and knees for a moment--and promise me that he does not find me comical in the least degree. Do it, Norbert. +Ooops. Ooops. +Ooops. Can I--uh--help you gentlemen? +Can I--uh--help you gentlemen? Gentlemen--that's nice. +Gentlemen--that's nice. You startled me. +The door ws unlocked. Is it always unlocked? It's always locked. +It's always locked. But here you are inside, aren't you? +But here you are inside, aren't you? You're--you're old friends of Harold Ryan? +You're--you're old friends of Harold Ryan? We tried to be. We tried to be. +We tried to be. We tried to be. He's dead, you know. +He's dead, you know. Dead! Such a final word. Dead! Did you hear that? +Hello? Oh--hello, Mother. Hello, Mother. +Hello, Mother. ...Who?... Did she say how far apart the pains were?... When was that?... Oh dear. +...Who?... Did she say how far apart the pains were?... When was that?... Oh dear. Oh dear. +Oh dear. Call her back--tell her to head for the hospital. Tell the hospital to expect her. I'll leave right now. +Look--I'm sorry--I have to go. We'll miss you so. +We'll miss you so. Look--this isn't my apartment, and there isn't anybody else here. Mrs. Ryan won't be home for a while. +Look--this isn't my apartment, and there isn't anybody else here. Mrs. Ryan won't be home for a while. Oh, oh, oh--I thought it was your apartment. You seemed at home here. +Oh, oh, oh--I thought it was your apartment. You seemed at home here. I'm a neighbor. I have the apartment across the hall. I have to go to the hospital now. An emergency. +I mean--I can't leave you here. You'll have to go. I'll tell Mrs. Ryan you were here. You can come back later. Ahh--then she's still alive. +Ahh--then she's still alive. She's fine. Please-- +She's fine. Please-- And still Mrs. Harold Ryan? +And still Mrs. Harold Ryan? Will you please go? An emergency! +Will you please go? An emergency! She still has just the one child-- the boy? +Yes! Yes! The boy! One boy! And what, exactly, is your relationship to Mrs. Ryan? +And what, exactly, is your relationship to Mrs. Ryan? Neighbor! Doctor! I live across the hall. +Neighbor! Doctor! I live across the hall. And you come into Mrs. Ryan's apartment as often as you please, looking into various health matters? +And you come into Mrs. Ryan's apartment as often as you please, looking into various health matters? Yes! Please! You've got to get out right now! +Just her neighbor and doctor? That's all? And her fiancé! +And her fiancé! And her fiancé! How nice. I hope you'll be very happy--or is that what one says to the woman? +And her fiancé! How nice. I hope you'll be very happy--or is that what one says to the woman? I've got to run! +You wish the woman good luck, and you tell the man how fortunate he is. That's how it goes. I've literally got to run! +I've literally got to run! I won't try to keep up with you. I'm not as fast on my feet as I once was. +Safe and sound, I see. Oh--you came back. I came back. +How was the emergency, Doctor? Profitable, I hope. A policeman delivered the baby in a taxicab. +A policeman delivered the baby in a taxicab. Tough luck. You'll have to split the fee. +Tough luck. You'll have to split the fee. Are--are you crying, Penelope? +Are--are you crying, Penelope? She's crying because she's so happy. +I feel the same way. What next? What next? You leave promptly, of course. There is no question as to whose home this is-- +What next? You leave promptly, of course. There is no question as to whose home this is-- None. +None. Whose son this is, whose wife that is. A fiancé is the most ridiculous appurtenance this household could have at this time. Good night. +Whose son this is, whose wife that is. A fiancé is the most ridiculous appurtenance this household could have at this time. Good night. Good night. +Ah! You're ambulatory! What a brilliant diagnosis! +Well now--what seems to be the trouble with the patient today? A touch of malaria, perhaps? I know malaria. Malaria isn't caused by the bites of bats. +I know malaria. Malaria isn't caused by the bites of bats. You've been bitten by bats? +You've been bitten by bats? Colonel Harper and I once shared a treetop with a family of bats. There was a flash flood. There were piranha fish in the water. That's how Colonel Harper lost his little toe. +Colonel Harper and I once shared a treetop with a family of bats. There was a flash flood. There were piranha fish in the water. That's how Colonel Harper lost his little toe. You have chills? +You have chills? "Chills, fevers, sweats. You can describe it and name it after yourself: ""the Woodly galloping crud.""" +You can also describe its cure. I'm eating its cure. I was going to ask. +I was going to ask. Pacqualinincheewa root. +Pacqualinincheewa root. Would you say that again? +Would you say that again? "Pacqualinincheewa root. Means ""cougar fang."" Cures anything but a yellow streak down the back." +"Pacqualinincheewa root. Means ""cougar fang."" Cures anything but a yellow streak down the back." I've never heard of it. +I've never heard of it. Congratulations. By crossing twenty-eight feet of cockroach- infested carpet, you've become the third white man ever to hear of it. +Congratulations. By crossing twenty-eight feet of cockroach- infested carpet, you've become the third white man ever to hear of it. Are you've seen it work cures? +Are you've seen it work cures? Hundreds. +Wasn't that sweet of me? More and more we find ourselves laying aside false pride and looking into the pharmacopoeias of primitive people. Curare, ephedrine--we've found some amazing things. +More and more we find ourselves laying aside false pride and looking into the pharmacopoeias of primitive people. Curare, ephedrine--we've found some amazing things. We have, have we? +We have, have we? That's an editorial we, of course. I haven't turned up anything personally. +That's an editorial we, of course. I haven't turned up anything personally. Everything about you is the editorial we. Take that away from you, and you'd disappear. +Good Lord. "I can just hear the editorial wee- wee-weeing when Looseleaf and I start flying in pacqualinincheewa root. I can hear the Alice-sit-by- the-fires now: ""We discovered it in the Amazon Rain Forest. Now we cure you with it. Now we lower our eyes with becoming modesty as we receive heartfelt thanks.""" +I thought she was a widow. You were wrong, you quack! +I'm going to have to report you to the Department of Health. What for? +What for? Quarantine, possibly. You may be suffering from a loathsome disease which the American people could do without. Goodbye. +It died for your sins. This little corpse is intended as a lesson? +This little corpse is intended as a lesson? There's a certain amount of information there. +There's a certain amount of information there. Lest we forget how cruel you are. +This is man to man. It's healer to killer. Is that the same thing? +It's healer to killer. Is that the same thing? What brought you back? +What brought you back? "The same hairy, humorless old gods who move you from hither to yon. ""Honor, "" if you like." +"The same hairy, humorless old gods who move you from hither to yon. ""Honor, "" if you like." He's a champion after all. WOODLY Of the corpses and cripples you create for our instruction--when all we can learn from them is this: how cruel you are. +There's going to be no bloodshed here. I know how he'll fight--the only way he can fight: with words. The truth. Am I correct? Yes. +Yes. I can defeat him with anything from flavored toothpicks to siege howitzers. But he got it into his little head that he could come here and demolish Harold Ryan with words. The truth! Correct? +I can defeat him with anything from flavored toothpicks to siege howitzers. But he got it into his little head that he could come here and demolish Harold Ryan with words. The truth! Correct? Correct. +Correct. What an hallucination! Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear. Oh dearie me. +What an hallucination! Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear. Oh dearie me. You haven't heard me yet. +You haven't heard me yet. You intend to crack my eardrums with your voice? Will I bleed from my every orifice? Who will clean up this awful mess? +You intend to crack my eardrums with your voice? Will I bleed from my every orifice? Who will clean up this awful mess? We'll find out now, won't we? +You're a filthy, rotten bastard. Oooooo. That hurt. +Oooooo. That hurt. You're old--so old. +You're old--so old. Now who's being cruel? +Now who's being cruel? A living fossil! Like the cockroaches and the horseshoe crabs. +A living fossil! Like the cockroaches and the horseshoe crabs. We do survive, don't we? You're going to have to apologize, of course, for calling me a bastard. That's a matter of form--not allowing you or anybody to call me a bastard. No rush about that. Just remember to apologize sometime soon. +You're a son of a bitch. Yes--well--uh--that's another one of those statements which more or less automatically requires an apology. Whenever you feel like it. It's sort of like turning off an alarm clock that's ringing loudly. Your apology turns off the alarm. +I haven't told you, Harold, how comical I think you are. Comical? +Hands and knees, you say? And terror, if you don't mind. +You're in one hell of a jam. You realize that? I'm high as a kite. +I'm high as a kite. Glands. You're supposed to be happy when you die. Call me comical again. +Glands. You're supposed to be happy when you die. Call me comical again. You're a clown. You're a clown who kills--but you're a clown. +You're a clown. You're a clown who kills--but you're a clown. I love you! Have a cigar! +I love you! Have a cigar! Evolution has made you a clown-- with a cigar. Simple butchers like you are obsolete! +Evolution has made you a clown-- with a cigar. Simple butchers like you are obsolete! I'm to be left behind--in primordial ooze? +I'm to be left behind--in primordial ooze? If you're at home in the ooze, and nowhere else. +If you're at home in the ooze, and nowhere else. This is going to become very physical. Are you prepared for that? +This is going to become very physical. Are you prepared for that? You're not such a creature of the ooze that you'd hurt an unarmed man. +You're not such a creature of the ooze that you'd hurt an unarmed man. I'm an honorable clown? +I'm an honorable clown? King Arthur. +King Arthur. You hope. +You hope. In any event, I will not beg for mercy. +In any event, I will not beg for mercy. No quarter asked. No quarter given. +No quarter asked. No quarter given. Don't you laugh even inwardly at the heroic balderdash you spew? +Don't you laugh even inwardly at the heroic balderdash you spew? Cut me open. Find out. +Cut me open. Find out. I've struck my blow. +I've struck my blow. With spittle? +With spittle? I've poisoned you. HAROLD Lucretia Borgia? Something I drank or touched? You refused a cigar. That's it! Potassium cyanide in the humidor! Treacherous lover of peace! +I've poisoned you. HAROLD Lucretia Borgia? Something I drank or touched? You refused a cigar. That's it! Potassium cyanide in the humidor! Treacherous lover of peace! "I put a poisoned thought in your head. Even now that poison is seeping into every lobe of your mind. It's saying, ""Obsolete, obsolete, obsolete,"" and, ""Clown, clown, clown.""" +"I put a poisoned thought in your head. Even now that poison is seeping into every lobe of your mind. It's saying, ""Obsolete, obsolete, obsolete,"" and, ""Clown, clown, clown.""" Poison. +Poison. "You have a very good mind, or I wouldn't have come back. That mind is now asking itself, cleverly and fairly, ""Is Harold Ryan really a clown?"" And the answer is, ""Yes.""" +"You have a very good mind, or I wouldn't have come back. That mind is now asking itself, cleverly and fairly, ""Is Harold Ryan really a clown?"" And the answer is, ""Yes.""" I--I really must congratulate you. Something is happening in there. +I--I really must congratulate you. Something is happening in there. You can never take yourself seriously again! Look at all the creatures you've protected us from! Did you shoot them on the elevator, as they were on their way up here to eat us alive? +You can never take yourself seriously again! Look at all the creatures you've protected us from! Did you shoot them on the elevator, as they were on their way up here to eat us alive? No. WOODLY The magic root you gave me--I had it analyzed. It was discovered by a Harvard botanist in 1893! He explored your famous jungle for five years, armed with nothing but kindness, a talent for languages, and a pocketknife. +No. WOODLY The magic root you gave me--I had it analyzed. It was discovered by a Harvard botanist in 1893! He explored your famous jungle for five years, armed with nothing but kindness, a talent for languages, and a pocketknife. I see. +I see. You aren't going to hurt me. You aren't going to hurt anybody any more. Any violent gesture will seem ridiculous--to yourself! +You aren't going to hurt me. You aren't going to hurt anybody any more. Any violent gesture will seem ridiculous--to yourself! Don Quixote. +Don Quixote. My violin is avenged! +My violin is avenged! Something seems to have happened to my self-respect. +Something seems to have happened to my self-respect. And the hell with it. It was so tragically irrelevant, so preposterously misinformed. +And the hell with it. It was so tragically irrelevant, so preposterously misinformed. The new hero is you. +The new hero is you. I hate crowds, and I have no charisma-- +I hate crowds, and I have no charisma-- You're too modest. +You're too modest. But the new hero will be a man of science and of peace--like me. He'll disarm you, of course. No more guns, no more guns. +But the new hero will be a man of science and of peace--like me. He'll disarm you, of course. No more guns, no more guns. Was I ever of use? +Was I ever of use? Never. For when you began to kill for the fun of it, you became the chief source of agony of mankind. +Here. Finish the job. I'm utterly satisfied. +I'm utterly satisfied. You're making a mistake. Obsolete old carnivores like me are most dangerous when wounded. You've wounded me. +You're making a mistake. Obsolete old carnivores like me are most dangerous when wounded. You've wounded me. More clowning! Don't you see? +More clowning! Don't you see? We never quit fighting until we're dead. +We never quit fighting until we're dead. You'd be killing a friend. Don't you know how much I like you? +You'd be killing a friend. Don't you know how much I like you? I'm going to shoot you now. +I'm going to shoot you now. No! +No! My self-respect is gone--and my soldier's honor with it. It is now very easy for me to shoot an unarmed man. +My self-respect is gone--and my soldier's honor with it. It is now very easy for me to shoot an unarmed man. New dignity can be yours--as a merciful man. You can change! +New dignity can be yours--as a merciful man. You can change! Like the saber-toothed tiger. +Like the saber-toothed tiger. Oh God--you're really going to kill me. HAROLD It won't hurt as much as the sting of a bumblebee. Heaven is very much like Paradise, they say. You'll like it there. +Oh God--you're really going to kill me. HAROLD It won't hurt as much as the sting of a bumblebee. Heaven is very much like Paradise, they say. You'll like it there. Can I beg for mercy--on my knees? +Can I beg for mercy--on my knees? If you want to be found that way. +If you want to be found that way. What is this thing that kills me? +What is this thing that kills me? Man, as man was meant to be--a vengeful ape who murders. He will soon be extinct. It's time, it's time. +Man, as man was meant to be--a vengeful ape who murders. He will soon be extinct. It's time, it's time. Don't shoot. +Don't shoot. I've enjoyed being man. +No. No. Get up. +Get up. No. +No. Have it your way. We'd both be better off dead now. +Can't do it. Thank God. HAROLD Crawl home. +Thank you--for my life. It's trash now, like mine. +It's trash now, like mine. New lives begin! +New lives begin! Somewhere in this city. Not here, not here. Tell Penelope I loved her--in my clownish way. And Paul. Tell him to be a healer, by all means. +Somewhere in this city. Not here, not here. Tell Penelope I loved her--in my clownish way. And Paul. Tell him to be a healer, by all means. What are you going to do? +What are you going to do? Use the sanitary facilities, if I may. +Use the sanitary facilities, if I may. Leave the rifle here. +Leave the rifle here. I'll put it in Paul's room, where it belongs. +I'll put it in Paul's room, where it belongs. Give me your word of honor that that's all you're going to do. +Give me your word of honor that that's all you're going to do. For what it's worth now, Harold Ryan, the clown, gives his sacred word. +Jesus--I dunno. You know. What the heck. Who knows? Colonel Harper, retired now, dropped an atom bomb on Nagasaki during the Second World War, killing seventy-four thousand people in a flash. +Colonel Harper, retired now, dropped an atom bomb on Nagasaki during the Second World War, killing seventy-four thousand people in a flash. I dunno, boy. +I dunno, boy. You don't know? +You don't know? It was a bitch. +It was a bitch. Thank you. You can leave now. We'll begin. +And you went home unannounced, too? I dunno. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I did. +Alice got married again. She did? +She did? You didn't even find that out? +You didn't even find that out? There was so much going on. +There was so much going on. She married an accountant named Stanley Kestenbaum. +She married an accountant named Stanley Kestenbaum. "So that's it! ""Kestenbaum, Kestenbaum."" Everybody was yelling ""Kestenbaum, Kestenbaum."" I thought it was some foreign language." +Dead! Jesus. +Jesus. Alice is dead? +Alice is dead? No, no--shit no. Excuse me, Penelope. +No, no--shit no. Excuse me, Penelope. For what? +For what? "For saying ""shit."" Or is that okay now?" +"For saying ""shit."" Or is that okay now?" Who's dead? +Who's dead? My mother-in-law. Fire engines, pulmotors, doctors, cops, coroners-- +My mother-in-law. Fire engines, pulmotors, doctors, cops, coroners-- What happened? +What happened? "Well--I walked up to the front door. I was still alive. Big surprise. I rang the doorbell, and old Mrs. Wheeler answered. She had her Goddamn knitting. I said, ""Guess who?"" She conked right out." +"Well--I walked up to the front door. I was still alive. Big surprise. I rang the doorbell, and old Mrs. Wheeler answered. She had her Goddamn knitting. I said, ""Guess who?"" She conked right out." How horrible. +How horrible. Yeah--cripes. I never did get any sense out of Alice. She found me holding up the old lady, dead as a mackerel. It was a bitch. You know--maybe Mrs. Wheeler was going to die then and there anyway, even if I'd been the paper boy. Maybe not. I dunno, boy. That's civilian life for you. Who knows what kills anybody? +And you, Colonel? Let me guess: You don't know. I dunno. +So long, you guys. What will you do, Colonel? +What will you do, Colonel? I dunno. Marry the first whore who's nice to me, I guess. Get a job in a motorcycle shop. So long, you guys. +Mr. Ryan just borrowed my birthday cake. I don't really know him. Thought you were another wife, maybe. +Thought you were another wife, maybe. I'm only ten years old. +I'm only ten years old. That's what he wanted--a ten-year- old wife. He'd come home from a war or a safari, and he'd wind up talking to the little kids. +That's what he wanted--a ten-year- old wife. He'd come home from a war or a safari, and he'd wind up talking to the little kids. Won't you please join our club? Please? +Won't you please join our club? Please? Honey--Alcoholics Anonymous takes all the time I've got--and Harold Ryan is an individual I would rather forget. He drove me to drink. He drove his first two wives to drink. +Aha! Hello! You're Mildred, right? I heard you were looking for me. +I heard you were looking for me. You were Harold Ryan's third wife. Right? +You were Harold Ryan's third wife. Right? Yes. +Yes. You want to join the Harold Ryan Fan Club? Wear a pink jacket with a yellow streak up the back? +You want to join the Harold Ryan Fan Club? Wear a pink jacket with a yellow streak up the back? Do I have to? Who's the little girl? +Because he was cruel? Premature ejaculation. +Premature ejaculation. "Ach soooooooooo. MILDRED No grown woman is a fan of premature ejaculation. Harold would come home trumpeting and roaring. He would the kick the furniture with his boots, spit into corners and the fireplace. He would make me presents of stuffed fish and helmets with holes in them. He would tell me that he had now earned the reward that only a woman could give him, and he'd tear off my clothes. He would carry me into the bedroom, telling me to scream and kick my feet. That was very important to him. I did it. I tried to be a good wife. He told me to imagine a herd of stampeding water buffalo. I couldn't do that, but I pretended I did. It was all over--ten seconds after he'd said the word ""buffalo."" Then he'd zip up his pants, and go outside, and tell true war stories to the little kids. Any little kids." +"Ach soooooooooo. MILDRED No grown woman is a fan of premature ejaculation. Harold would come home trumpeting and roaring. He would the kick the furniture with his boots, spit into corners and the fireplace. He would make me presents of stuffed fish and helmets with holes in them. He would tell me that he had now earned the reward that only a woman could give him, and he'd tear off my clothes. He would carry me into the bedroom, telling me to scream and kick my feet. That was very important to him. I did it. I tried to be a good wife. He told me to imagine a herd of stampeding water buffalo. I couldn't do that, but I pretended I did. It was all over--ten seconds after he'd said the word ""buffalo."" Then he'd zip up his pants, and go outside, and tell true war stories to the little kids. Any little kids." That is sad. +That is sad. Is it? I have this theory about why men kill each other and break things. +Is it? I have this theory about why men kill each other and break things. Ja? +Ja? Never mind. It's a dumb theory. I was going to say it was all sexual..but everything is sexual...but alcohol. Peace. +She's my date tonight. What do you want her to do--bring the poor old jaguars back to life with a bicycle pump? Bugger off! Ask Paul what he thinks. Your mother looks beautiful--right? Kid? Doesn't your mother look nice? Paul? I don't care what she wears. +I don't care what she wears. Something's made you sore. +Something's made you sore. Don't worry about it. +Don't worry about it. You bet I'll worry about it. I said something wrong? +You bet I'll worry about it. I said something wrong? It's my father's birthday--that's all. That's all. Who cares about that? +It's my father's birthday--that's all. That's all. Who cares about that? I had not the slightest inkling. Why didn't you say so? +I had not the slightest inkling. Why didn't you say so? She doesn't care! She's not married any more! She's going to have fun! I hope you have so much fun you can hardly stand it. Dr. Woodly--I hope you make up even better jokes about my father than the ones you've said so far. +She doesn't care! She's not married any more! She's going to have fun! I hope you have so much fun you can hardly stand it. Dr. Woodly--I hope you make up even better jokes about my father than the ones you've said so far. Kid--kid-- +Kid--kid-- And I wish you'd quit touching me all the time. It drives me nuts! +And I wish you'd quit touching me all the time. It drives me nuts! What's this? +What's this? Don't! +Don't! You sure misunderstood something-- and we'd better get it straight. +You sure misunderstood something-- and we'd better get it straight. Explain it to them. I'm bugging out of here. +Don't touch me. Get out of the way. Men can touch other men, and it doesn't mean a thing. Haven't you ever seen football players after they've won the Superbowl? +I worship your father. That stuffed alligator your mother gave me--the one he shot? It's the proudest thing in my apartment. Everybody talks about how rotten kids act. Grownups can be pretty rotten, too. +Thank God! What a relief! +That goes double for me. I don't want to live any more. +I don't want to live any more. I feel like I want to yell my head off--just yell anything. Bulllllllllllllll-dickey! +I feel like I want to yell my head off--just yell anything. Bulllllllllllllll-dickey! I'll kill myself. +I'll kill myself. The wife of Harold Ryan is going to marry a pansy next? This is the end of Western Civilization as far as I'm concerned. You must be crazy as a fruitcake. +Don't touch me. Wouldn't you rather have your mother marry me than him? +Wouldn't you rather have your mother marry me than him? No. +No. All my dreams have suddenly collapsed. We did have a lot of laughs together, Penelope. +And this is my son, Paul. He was only four years old when his father disappeared. He's coming back, Mom! He's the bravest, most wonderful man who ever lived. +He's coming back, Mom! He's the bravest, most wonderful man who ever lived. I told you this was a simple-minded play. +I told you this was a simple-minded play. Maybe he'll come back tonight! It's his birthday. +Maybe he'll come back tonight! It's his birthday. I know. +I know. Stay home tonight! +Stay home tonight! Oh, Paul-- +Oh, Paul-- You're married! You've already got a husband! +You're married! You've already got a husband! He's a ghost! +He's a ghost! He's alive! +He's alive! Not even Mutual of Omaha thinks so anymore. +Not even Mutual of Omaha thinks so anymore. If you have to go out with some guy--can't he be more like Dad? Herb Shuttle and Norbert Woodly-- can't you do better than those two freaks? +If you have to go out with some guy--can't he be more like Dad? Herb Shuttle and Norbert Woodly-- can't you do better than those two freaks? Thank you, kind sir. +Thank you, kind sir. A vacuum cleaner salesman and a fairy doctor. +A vacuum cleaner salesman and a fairy doctor. A what kind of doctor? +A what kind of doctor? A fairy--a queer. Everybody in the building knows he's a queer. +A fairy--a queer. Everybody in the building knows he's a queer. That's an interesting piece of news. +That's an interesting piece of news. You're the only woman he ever took out. +You're the only woman he ever took out. Not true. +Not true. Still lives with his mother. +Still lives with his mother. You know she has no feet! You want him to abandon his mother, who has no husband, who has no money of her own, who has no feet? +You know she has no feet! You want him to abandon his mother, who has no husband, who has no money of her own, who has no feet? How did she lose her feet? +How did she lose her feet? In a railroad accident many years ago. +In a railroad accident many years ago. I was afraid to ask. +I was afraid to ask. Norbert was just beginning practice. A real man would have sold her to a catfood company, I suppose. As far as that goes, J. Edgar Hoover still lives with his mother. +Norbert was just beginning practice. A real man would have sold her to a catfood company, I suppose. As far as that goes, J. Edgar Hoover still lives with his mother. I didn't know that. +I didn't know that. A lot of people don't. +A lot of people don't. J. Edgar Hoover plays sports. +J. Edgar Hoover plays sports. I don't really know. +I don't really know. To only exercise Dr. Woodly ever gets is playing the violin and making that stupid peace sign. Peace. Peace. Peace, everybody. +I hate that thing. It's beautiful. +Where will you be? Anywhere but here. I'd just sit here and cry about the way my father's been forgotten. +Are you and Dr. Woodly engaged? Who have you been talking to? +Who have you been talking to? What difference does that make? Is Dr. Woodly going to be my father now? +Yes, he is. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! +Is Norbert still here? No. +No. Then who flushed the toilet? +Then who flushed the toilet? Father's friend. +Father's friend. What's his name? +What's his name? Don't know. +Don't know. For Heaven's sakes! +Mom? That man is your father. +That man is your father. What? +What? There stands the loins from which you've sprung. +There stands the loins from which you've sprung. I don't get it. +I don't get it. It is you, isn't it, Harold? +That's why I'm crying. Dr. Woodly? You know who this is? +What are his symptoms? Shivers and sweats and groans. His teeth chatter. What'll we do? +Shivers and sweats and groans. His teeth chatter. What'll we do? What does he say to do? +What does he say to do? He can hardly talk. +Really? It is an emergency, isn't it? +It is an emergency, isn't it? Yeah. +Yeah. Then get him. +Then get him. Okay. +Peace, everybody--Paul, Penelope. You're taking Mom out tonight? +You're taking Mom out tonight? You're going out? +We don't have a maid any more. Oh? +Everything stays as it is! A monument to a man who thought that what the world needed most was more rhinoceros meat. +A monument to a man who thought that what the world needed most was more rhinoceros meat. My father! +My father! I apologize. But you didn't know him, and neither did I. How's your asthma? +I apologize. But you didn't know him, and neither did I. How's your asthma? Don't worry about it. +Don't worry about it. How's the fungus around your thumbnail? +How's the fungus around your thumbnail? It's fine! +It's fine! It's jungle rot! This room is making everybody sick! This is your family doctor speaking now. Here--I brought you something else to hang on your wall, for the sake of variety. +I hate that thing. Keeps fairies away! +It came yesterday. I haven't opened it yet. Maybe it's supposed to end now. Maybe God wouldn't have it any other way. +I didn't get his name. A friend of your father? He isn't any friend of Father. +He isn't any friend of Father. He isn't? +He isn't? He is my father. +He is my father. No! +Please-- He's not anybody to tell somebody else what to do in a master bedroom. +He's not anybody to tell somebody else what to do in a master bedroom. I'll get ready, Herb. I didn't expect you this soon. Please--won't everybody be nice to everybody else while I'm gone? +I keep having this nightmare--that he catches us. Doing what? +Doing what? He'd kill me. He'd be right to kill me, too--the kind of guy he is. +He'd kill me. He'd be right to kill me, too--the kind of guy he is. Or was. We haven't done anything wrong, you know. +Or was. We haven't done anything wrong, you know. He'd assume we had. +He'd assume we had. That's something I suppose. +That's something I suppose. All through the day I'm so confident. That's why I'm such a good salesman, you know? I have confidence, and I look like I have confidence, and that gives other people confidence. People laugh sometimes when they find out I'm a vacuum cleaner salesman. They stop laughing, though, when they find out I made forty-three thousand dollars last year. I've got six other salesmen working under me, and what they all plug into is my confidence. That's what charges them up. +All through the day I'm so confident. That's why I'm such a good salesman, you know? I have confidence, and I look like I have confidence, and that gives other people confidence. People laugh sometimes when they find out I'm a vacuum cleaner salesman. They stop laughing, though, when they find out I made forty-three thousand dollars last year. I've got six other salesmen working under me, and what they all plug into is my confidence. That's what charges them up. I'm glad. +I'm glad. I was captain of the wrestling team at Lehigh University. +I was captain of the wrestling team at Lehigh University. I know. +I know. If you want to wrestle, you got Lehigh. If you want to play tennis, you go to Vanderbilt. +If you want to wrestle, you got Lehigh. If you want to play tennis, you go to Vanderbilt. I don't want to go to Vanderbilt. +I don't want to go to Vanderbilt. "You don't wrestle if you don't have supreme confidence, and I wrestled. But when I get with you, and I say to myself, ""My God--here I am with the wife of Harold Ryan, one of the great heroes of all time--""" +Yes? Something happens to my confidence. +Something happens to my confidence. This conversation took place, incidentally, about three months before Harold was declared legally dead. +This conversation took place, incidentally, about three months before Harold was declared legally dead. When Harold is definitely out of the picture, Penelope, when I don't have to worry about doing him wrong or you wrong or Paul wrong. I'm going to ask you to be my wife. +When Harold is definitely out of the picture, Penelope, when I don't have to worry about doing him wrong or you wrong or Paul wrong. I'm going to ask you to be my wife. I'm touched. +I'm touched. That's when I'll get my confidence back. +That's when I'll get my confidence back. I see. +I see. If you'll pardon the expression, that's when you'll see the fur and feathers fly. Good night. +If you'll pardon the expression, that's when you'll see the fur and feathers fly. Good night. Good night. +Coming. Women are always late. You'll find out. +Gentlemen! Is this right for a fight? It's been so long. Beautiful! I've never seen that coat. +Beautiful! I've never seen that coat. Seven jaguars' skins, I'm told. Harold shot every one. Shall we go? +What then? We could have had some kind of birthday party for him. We could have taken Paul to the fight with us. +Did you see him? Yeah. +Yeah. Is he all right? +Is he all right? Far as I know. +Far as I know. Is he coming home? +Is he coming home? He ditched me. He started running, and I started running, then he lost me in the park. +He ditched me. He started running, and I started running, then he lost me in the park. The park! +The park! It's dark in there. PENELOPE And that's where he is! +It's dark in there. PENELOPE And that's where he is! I figure he ducked in one place and ducked out another. +I figure he ducked in one place and ducked out another. You figure! +You figure! Then I saw this bakery store that was still open, so I bought a birthday cake. +Then I saw this bakery store that was still open, so I bought a birthday cake. A what? +A what? For Harold. When Paul comes home, we can have some birthday cake. +For Harold. When Paul comes home, we can have some birthday cake. How nice. +How nice. "They had this cake somebody else hadn't picked up. It says, ""Happy Birthday, Somebody Else.""" +Did you talk to Paul? Before he started to run. He said his father carried a key to this apartment around his neck--and someday we'd all hear the sound of that key in the door. +Before he started to run. He said his father carried a key to this apartment around his neck--and someday we'd all hear the sound of that key in the door. We've got to find him. I want you to show me exactly where you saw him last. And you stay here, Norbert, in case he comes home. That's all he said--the thing about the key? +We've got to find him. I want you to show me exactly where you saw him last. And you stay here, Norbert, in case he comes home. That's all he said--the thing about the key? He said one other thing. It wasn't very nice. +He said one other thing. It wasn't very nice. What was it? +What was it? He told me to take a flying fuck at the moon. +What's the matter now? We got a birthday cake, kid. Did you see the cake? +Possibly. How long has this been going on? +How long has this been going on? A week. We were waiting for the right time to-- +A week. We were waiting for the right time to-- I feel as though I had been made a perfect chump of. +I feel as though I had been made a perfect chump of. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Marry me instead. +Marry me instead. Thank you, Herb. You're a wonderful man. You really are. Everybody respects you for what you've done for scouting and the Little League. +Thank you, Herb. You're a wonderful man. You really are. Everybody respects you for what you've done for scouting and the Little League. You're saying no. +You're saying no. I'm saying no--and thank you. +I'm saying no--and thank you. I didn't make my move fast enough. That's it, isn't it? I was too respectful. +I didn't make my move fast enough. That's it, isn't it? I was too respectful. You were wonderful. +You were wonderful. What's so wonderful if I lost the sale? You poor kid. +It's true. Well--it was nice while it lasted. Thanks for the memories. +You and Harold are friends? He's the most wonderful guy I ever met, Penelope. He's the most complicated guy I ever met. I can't believe it, but he's going to take me to Africa with him. +I am Dr. Norbert Woodly--a physician, a healer. I find it disgusting and frightening that a killer should be a respected member of society. Gentleness must replace violence everywhere, or we are doomed. Would you like to say something about killing, Colonel? +Herb Shuttle is taking me to a fight. Take plenty of cigars. +Take plenty of cigars. We made the date three months ago. +We made the date three months ago. I must take you to an emergency ward sometime--on a Saturday night. That's also fun. I came to see Selma, as a matter of fact. +I must take you to an emergency ward sometime--on a Saturday night. That's also fun. I came to see Selma, as a matter of fact. She quit this afternoon. +The animals made her sneeze and cry too much. I'm glad somebody finally cried. Every time I come in here and see all this unnecessary death, I want to cry. I don't cry, of course. Not manly, you know. Did she try antihistamines? +I'm glad somebody finally cried. Every time I come in here and see all this unnecessary death, I want to cry. I don't cry, of course. Not manly, you know. Did she try antihistamines? They made her so sleepy she couldn't work. +They made her so sleepy she couldn't work. Throw out all this junk. Burn it! This room crawls with tropical disease. +"""War is not healthy for children and other living things."" How lovely." No doubt Paul thinks it stinks. +Oh no! Wear a coat of cotton--wear a coat of wool. What? +What? Wear a coat of domestic mink. For the love of God, though, Penelope, don't lightheartedly advertise that the last of the jaguars died for you. +I never knew when to hold it--or who to ask, or what to say. Tonight's the night. +This is very good for us. It is? +It is? The wilder Paul is tonight, the calmer he'll be tomorrow. +The wilder Paul is tonight, the calmer he'll be tomorrow. As long as he keeps out of the park. +As long as he keeps out of the park. After this explosion, I think, he'll be able to accept the fact that his mother is going to marry again. +After this explosion, I think, he'll be able to accept the fact that his mother is going to marry again. "The only thing I ever told him about life was, ""Keep out of the park after the sun goes down.""" +"The only thing I ever told him about life was, ""Keep out of the park after the sun goes down.""" We've got to dump Shuttle. He brings his vacuum cleaner on dates? +We've got to dump Shuttle. He brings his vacuum cleaner on dates? That's the XKE. +That's the XKE. The what? +The what? It's an experimental model. He doesn't dare leave it in his car, for fear it will fall into the hands of competition. +It's an experimental model. He doesn't dare leave it in his car, for fear it will fall into the hands of competition. What kind of a life is that? +What kind of a life is that? He told me one time what the proudest moment of his life was. He made Eagle Scout when he was twenty-nine years old. Oh, Norbert--promise me that Paul has not gone into the park! +He told me one time what the proudest moment of his life was. He made Eagle Scout when he was twenty-nine years old. Oh, Norbert--promise me that Paul has not gone into the park! If you warned him against it as much as you say, it's almost a certainty. +If you warned him against it as much as you say, it's almost a certainty. No! Oh no! Three people murdered in there in the last six weeks! The police won't even go in there any more. +No! Oh no! Three people murdered in there in the last six weeks! The police won't even go in there any more. I wish Paul luck. +I wish Paul luck. It's suicide! +It's suicide! I'd be dead by now if that were the case. +I'd be dead by now if that were the case. Meaning? +Meaning? Every night, Penelope, for the past two years, I've made it a point to walk through the park at midnight. +Every night, Penelope, for the past two years, I've made it a point to walk through the park at midnight. Why would you do that? +Why would you do that? To show myself how brave I am. The issue's in doubt, you know--since I'm always for peace-- +To show myself how brave I am. The issue's in doubt, you know--since I'm always for peace-- I'm amazed. +I'm amazed. Me, too. I know something not even the police know--what's in the park at midnight. Nothing. Or, when I'm in there, there's me in there. Fear and nobody and me. +Me, too. I know something not even the police know--what's in the park at midnight. Nothing. Or, when I'm in there, there's me in there. Fear and nobody and me. And maybe Paul. What about the murderers? They're in there! +And maybe Paul. What about the murderers? They're in there! They didn't murder me. +They didn't murder me. Paul's only twelve years old. +Paul's only twelve years old. He can make the sound of human footsteps--which is a terrifying sound. +He can make the sound of human footsteps--which is a terrifying sound. We've got to rescue him. +We've got to rescue him. If he is in the park, luck is all that can save him now, and there's plenty of that. +If he is in the park, luck is all that can save him now, and there's plenty of that. He's not your son. +He's not your son. "No. But he's going to be. If he is in the park and he comes out safely on the other side, I can say to him, ""You and I are the only men with balls enough to walk through the park at midnight."" On that we can build." +"No. But he's going to be. If he is in the park and he comes out safely on the other side, I can say to him, ""You and I are the only men with balls enough to walk through the park at midnight."" On that we can build." It's a jungle out there. +It's a jungle out there. That's been said before. +That's been said before. He'd go to a movie. I think that's what he'd do. If I were sure he was in a movie, I could stop worrying. We could have him paged. +You know each other? We met here earlier this evening. +We met here earlier this evening. How neat. How keen. +Thank you. Thank you very much. I believe in miracles now. +I'm taking her to the airport a few minutes from now. She's going to East St. Louis--to visit an aunt. Tell her to have a nice trip. +Tell her to have a nice trip. Thanks. +Get out of here. It's really that bad? +You fool, you fool. Oh--look at the poor, crucified violin, would you? +Everything's going to be beautiful. You fake! You're no better than the dumbest general in the Pentagon. You're not going to beat Harold. You're not going to beat anybody. You're not going to stay here, either--yammering and taunting until you're most gloriously killed. Go home! +Do it! Goodbye. +Hi kid. Would you look what the car dragged in. I'm glad you brought your vacuum cleaner. +I'm glad you brought your vacuum cleaner. Is that a fact? +Is that a fact? That maid just quit. The place is a mess. You can start in the master bedroom. +You've got to fight from time to time. Not true. +Not true. Or get eaten alive. +Or get eaten alive. That's not true either--or needn't be, unless we make it true. +That's not true either--or needn't be, unless we make it true. Phooey. +Phooey. Which we do. But we can stop doing that. +We simply stop doing that--dropping things on each other, eating each other alive. Penelope! We're late! +The late Mrs. Harold Ryan. I'm sick of this argument. I just have one more thing to say: If you elect a President, you support him, no matter what he does. That's the only way you can have a country! +I'm sick of this argument. I just have one more thing to say: If you elect a President, you support him, no matter what he does. That's the only way you can have a country! It's the planet that's in ghastly trouble now and all our brothers and sisters thereon. +It's the planet that's in ghastly trouble now and all our brothers and sisters thereon. None of my relatives are Chinese Communists. Speak for yourself. +None of my relatives are Chinese Communists. Speak for yourself. Chinese maniacs and Russian maniacs and American maniacs and French maniacs and British maniacs have turned this lovely, moist, nourishing blue-green ball into a doomsday device. Let a radar set and a computer mistake a hawk or a meteor for a missile, and that's the end of mankind. +Chinese maniacs and Russian maniacs and American maniacs and French maniacs and British maniacs have turned this lovely, moist, nourishing blue-green ball into a doomsday device. Let a radar set and a computer mistake a hawk or a meteor for a missile, and that's the end of mankind. You can believe that if you want. I talk to guys like you, and I want to commit suicide. You get that weight-lifting set I sent you? +Start with the smallest weights. Every week add a pound or two. Maybe God has let everybody who ever lived be reborn--so he or she can see how it ends. Even Pithecanthropus erectus and Australopithecus and Sinanthropus pekensis and the Neanderthalers are back on Earth--to see how it ends. They're all on Times Square--making change for peepshows. Or recruiting Marines. +Maybe God has let everybody who ever lived be reborn--so he or she can see how it ends. Even Pithecanthropus erectus and Australopithecus and Sinanthropus pekensis and the Neanderthalers are back on Earth--to see how it ends. They're all on Times Square--making change for peepshows. Or recruiting Marines. You ever hear the story about the boy who carried a calf around the barn every day? +You ever hear the story about the boy who carried a calf around the barn every day? He died of a massive rupture. +He died of a massive rupture. You think you're so funny. You're not even funny. Right? Right? You don't hurt yourself if you start out slow. +You think you're so funny. You're not even funny. Right? Right? You don't hurt yourself if you start out slow. You're preparing him for a career in the slaughterhouses of Dubuque? Take care of your body, yes! But don't become a bender of horseshoes and railroad spikes. Don't become obsessed by your musculature. Any one of these poor, dead animals here was a thousand times the athlete you can ever hope to be. Their magic was in their muscles. Your magic is in your brains! +Kid--kid-- It's good. Let him go. +It's good. Let him go. If he'd just come out for the Little League, the way I asked him, he'd find out we touch all the time--shove each other, slug each other, and just horse around. I'm going to go get him-- +If he'd just come out for the Little League, the way I asked him, he'd find out we touch all the time--shove each other, slug each other, and just horse around. I'm going to go get him-- Don't! Let him have all the privacy he wants. Let him grieve, let him rage. There has never been a funeral for his father. +If he'd just get into scouting, and camp out some, and see how everybody roughhouses around the fire-- What a beautiful demonstration this is of the utter necessity of rites of passage. +What a beautiful demonstration this is of the utter necessity of rites of passage. I feel like I've been double- crossed. If you'd just told me it was Harold's birthday-- +Minors aren't allowed at fights. Then we'd stay home and eat venison or something, and look through the scrapbooks. I've got a friend who has a whole freezer full of striped bass and caribou meat. I'm going to bring that boy back. +"""Happy Birthday, Wanda June!""" "We can take off the ""Wanda June"" with a butter knife." +We have this new club up here in Heaven. Yes, we do. +Yes, we do. We only have two members so far, but it's growing all the time. +We only have two members so far, but it's growing all the time. We have enough for a shuffleboard team. In Heaven, shuffleboard is everything. Hitler plays shuffleboard. +We have enough for a shuffleboard team. In Heaven, shuffleboard is everything. Hitler plays shuffleboard. Albert Einstein plays shuffleboard. +Albert Einstein plays shuffleboard. Mozart plays shuffleboard. +Mozart plays shuffleboard. Lewis Carroll, who wrote Alice in Wonderland, plays shuffleboard. +Lewis Carroll, who wrote Alice in Wonderland, plays shuffleboard. Jack the Ripper plays shuffleboard. +Jack the Ripper plays shuffleboard. Walt Disney, who gave us Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, plays shuffleboard. Jesus Christ plays shuffleboard. +Walt Disney, who gave us Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, plays shuffleboard. Jesus Christ plays shuffleboard. "It was almost worth the trip--to find out that Jesus Christ in Heaven was just another guy, playing shuffleboard. I like his sense of humor, though--you know? He's got a blue-and-gold warm-up jacket he wears. You know what it says on the back? ""Pontius Pilate Athletic Club."" Most people don't get it. Most people think there really is a Pontius Pilate Athletic Club." +"It was almost worth the trip--to find out that Jesus Christ in Heaven was just another guy, playing shuffleboard. I like his sense of humor, though--you know? He's got a blue-and-gold warm-up jacket he wears. You know what it says on the back? ""Pontius Pilate Athletic Club."" Most people don't get it. Most people think there really is a Pontius Pilate Athletic Club." We're going to have jackets, aren't we? +We're going to have jackets, aren't we? "You bet! ""The Harold Ryan Fan Club."" Pink, eh? With a yellow streak up the back. We got very good tailor shops up here. They'll make you any kind of uniform, any kind of sweatsuit you want. Judas Iscariot--he's got this black jacket with a skull and crossbones over the heart. He walks around all hunched over, and he never looks anybody in the eye, and written on the back of his jacket are the words, ""Go take a flying--" +Hello. My name is Beatrice. Have you been here before? No. +No. What we offer here is nude body to body contact on a bed in a private room. It's twenty dollars a half hour, thirty dollars an hour. Anything else you desire may be discussed in the privacy of your room. Tips are allowed. We accept Bank Americard, Master Charge and American Express. +What we offer here is nude body to body contact on a bed in a private room. It's twenty dollars a half hour, thirty dollars an hour. Anything else you desire may be discussed in the privacy of your room. Tips are allowed. We accept Bank Americard, Master Charge and American Express. I don't really want... 'body to body contact.' +I don't really want... 'body to body contact.' That you may discuss with the girl of your choice in the privacy of your room. +No. I don't think so. You sure? We have regular sessions, too. Only twenty dollars? +You're not exactly the type we're looking for. You mean I'm black? +You mean I'm black? No, just not the type. +No, just not the type. What do you mean, not the type? Don't you know who I am? I'm Big Dick Brown! I've been in more porno movies than you ever saw. I've worked with Harry Reems. I've worked with Johnny Wad. Not the type! I can come ten times a day. I can keep it hard two hours at a time. My cock is nine inches long. +What do you mean, not the type? Don't you know who I am? I'm Big Dick Brown! I've been in more porno movies than you ever saw. I've worked with Harry Reems. I've worked with Johnny Wad. Not the type! I can come ten times a day. I can keep it hard two hours at a time. My cock is nine inches long. I'm sorry, Mr. Brown. I'm sure you're very good, but at the moment, I've got nothing for you. If something comes up, we'll give you a call. +I'm sorry, Mr. Brown. I'm sure you're very good, but at the moment, I've got nothing for you. If something comes up, we'll give you a call. Shit! You just don't want to hire a nigger, that's all. I knew this was a scam. I shouldn'ta come. +The boy your daughter was talking to didn't work at the park. We've interviewed everybody there. But is she, has... +But is she, has... There's no evidence of any foul play at present. I hope she's just a runaway. +There's no evidence of any foul play at present. I hope she's just a runaway. There's something wrong here. Kristen is not the type of girl to just up and leave. +There's something wrong here. Kristen is not the type of girl to just up and leave. I said I hope she's a runaway. Better that than she just disappears like so many others do. Sometimes they turn up years later, sometimes not. A lot of crimes go unreported, unknown. These are realities. +I said I hope she's a runaway. Better that than she just disappears like so many others do. Sometimes they turn up years later, sometimes not. A lot of crimes go unreported, unknown. These are realities. What are you doing? +What are you doing? Two officers have been assigned to the case. I can't keep them on indefinitely, but we'll go through every lead. +Apparently your friend has gone into Mexico. A Border Guard responded to the APB. How does it feel to have the L.A.P.D. doing your work for you? You're going to thank me for this. You know what the media's like. They love this kinda shit. If that guy goes off half-cocked and gets himself hurt, you're going to have so much bad publicity, you... +You're going to thank me for this. You know what the media's like. They love this kinda shit. If that guy goes off half-cocked and gets himself hurt, you're going to have so much bad publicity, you... I heard you the first time. We had nothing to go on with this kid. Just a runaway. Do you really think he's in danger? +I heard you the first time. We had nothing to go on with this kid. Just a runaway. Do you really think he's in danger? If he has anything to say about it, yeah. I've been asking a lot of questions and I don't like the answers I'm getting. He's made a lot of people nervous, including some poor faggot who thought he was going to be a movie star. +If he has anything to say about it, yeah. I've been asking a lot of questions and I don't like the answers I'm getting. He's made a lot of people nervous, including some poor faggot who thought he was going to be a movie star. We aren't gonna arrest him for that... +We aren't gonna arrest him for that... Big threat. TV would ream you. +Big threat. TV would ream you. Keep me informed of what he's up to. You help me, I'll help you. +No. We offer Female Wrestling, that is, nude body to body contact, with a girl of your choice in a private room. Twenty dollars a half hour, thirty dollars hour. Any other arrangements may be discussed in the privacy of your room. Tipping is permitted. We accept Bank Americard, Master Charge and American Express. +We offer Female Wrestling, that is, nude body to body contact, with a girl of your choice in a private room. Twenty dollars a half hour, thirty dollars hour. Any other arrangements may be discussed in the privacy of your room. Tipping is permitted. We accept Bank Americard, Master Charge and American Express. Yeah. +Yeah. Do you want to take a session? +Do you want to take a session? I just want to ask some questions. +I just want to ask some questions. You may do that in the privacy of your room. +You may do that in the privacy of your room. Okay. I'll take a half hour. +Okay. I'll take a half hour. Do you have any particular choice of girl? +Do you have any particular choice of girl? You'll be fine. +You're still dressed? Well, I want to... +Well, I want to... Sit down. Make yourself comfortable. My name's Felice. +There's a girl I want to ask you about. You're not Vice, are you? Do you work for the Los Angeles Police Department, or do you have any other affiliation with any law enforcement agency? +You're not Vice, are you? Do you work for the Los Angeles Police Department, or do you have any other affiliation with any law enforcement agency? No, I don't. +No, I don't. I have to ask you that. If you were Vice you couldn't deny it. You ought to dress less square. You wouldn't get hassled so much. Here, let me help you get that tie off. +Well, actually I wanted to ask about this girl. I have her picture here. Pull out your cock. +Pull out your cock. What? +What? Cops aren't allowed to do that either. A judge ruled that that was entrapment. Don't ask me why. I guess he figured the sight of a Vice Officer's dong would make a girl unable to stop herself. +No, Felice, I'm not a cop. In fact, right now I've got as little respect for the police as you do. I'm looking for a girl. A runaway. I need someone to help me. Are you going to stiff me? +Are you going to stiff me? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Look, that twenty dollars you just paid, I don't get any of that. That goes to the guys that own this place. I get two bucks an hour, minus ten percent for a bail fund. I make all my money on tips. +Look, that twenty dollars you just paid, I don't get any of that. That goes to the guys that own this place. I get two bucks an hour, minus ten percent for a bail fund. I make all my money on tips. You want a tip? +You want a tip? Sure. What do you want? Tips can be anywhere from thirty dollars to seventy dollars. +Sure. What do you want? Tips can be anywhere from thirty dollars to seventy dollars. What do you mean? +What do you mean? What do you want to tip me for? Look, you got to spell it out. Whatever you want, just say it. +What do you want to tip me for? Look, you got to spell it out. Whatever you want, just say it. I'll give you a tip. Here's forty dollars. +Now, what do you want? I said I just wanted to talk to you... +I said I just wanted to talk to you... That's cool. +That's cool. ...about this woman. I'm trying to find her. Do you know her? +...about this woman. I'm trying to find her. Do you know her? Look, I don't know anybody. I never seen her before. +I'm getting angry. Wait a minute, that's going to cost you more than forty bucks. +Wait a minute, that's going to cost you more than forty bucks. I'm getting angry. I want some answers. Where's the guy who runs this place? +Who is it? That blond guy? Where is he? I'm going to talk to someone. Wait? +Wait? Where is he? Where's the bastard that runs this shit hole? +I'd like to place a 'Personals' ad in the Free Press. How many weeks? +How many weeks? Just one. +Just one. The rate is a dollar per line, a dollar and a half bold face. +'Film Producer' -- that should be in caps, bold face. Okay. +Okay. 'Film Producer seeks young men, 18 to 25, for hardcore film. Prior film experience a must. Call Jake at Players Motel. 777 Vine. 463-5671. +Hello. You want some information? Yeah. +Yeah. We offer... +We offer... Yeah, yeah... +Yeah, yeah... ...the disciplines: bondage, domination and humiliation. +...the disciplines: bondage, domination and humiliation. I'm looking for Tod. Is he in? +I'm looking for Tod. Is he in? I don't know no Tod. +I don't know no Tod. What girls you got here? +What girls you got here? My name is Hope. This is Faith. Charity's in back. +My name is Hope. This is Faith. Charity's in back. That's all you got, three girls? +That's all you got, three girls? Man, how many girls do you need? +Man, how many girls do you need? I was told there was a real nice girl here named Joanne. Quite young. +I was told there was a real nice girl here named Joanne. Quite young. That's Charity. She's out back. She'll be free in half hour. +Is this all the display space we can get? I tried to get more, but this is the limit. The De Vries line has the same area. +What do you think of this... ah, shade of blue, Mary. I like it, Mr. Van Dorn. +I like it, Mr. Van Dorn. Don't you think it's a little too... bright? +Don't you think it's a little too... bright? Not really. But if you want me to tone it down... +Not really. But if you want me to tone it down... No, no. I wouldn't hire a display designer if I didn't trust her taste. Maybe we should bring in more of that shade. Perhaps a stripe across the back wall. +No, that would be much too overpowering. Yeah, overpowering. That was the word I was looking for. +Yeah, overpowering. That was the word I was looking for. Mr. Van Dorn, I've worked on the color scheme for weeks. I think it's just right. +Mr. Van Dorn, I've worked on the color scheme for weeks. I think it's just right. What's that shade of blue called? +What's that shade of blue called? Pavonine. It's the same tint as the stripe in the fabric. +Are you still going with that fella that teaches at Grand Valley? Sam? +Sam? Yeah. He's a nice guy. Don't lose him. Maybe we could tone down this stripe a bit. It's a little... +Yeah. He's a nice guy. Don't lose him. Maybe we could tone down this stripe a bit. It's a little... Overpowering? +Overpowering? Yeah. +Yeah. Okay, Mr. Van Dorn, I think we could knock that Pavonine blue a bit. +Okay, Mr. Van Dorn, I think we could knock that Pavonine blue a bit. Are you sure it's all right? +Are you sure it's all right? Yes. I think it'll look better. +Yes. I think it'll look better. If you say so. +Kristen went on that convention today, didn't she? Yeah. How did you know? +Are you the star of this picture? You kidding? Three days work. I finish tonight. +You kidding? Three days work. I finish tonight. The other girl is the star? +The other girl is the star? She thinks so. What do you do? +She thinks so. What do you do? I work with Ramada. We're doing some pictures together. +I work with Ramada. We're doing some pictures together. Well, next time you talk to him, tell him to pay his actresses more. +Are you Niki? Sure. Like in Mikey and Niki. Did you see that picture? +Sure. Like in Mikey and Niki. Did you see that picture? No. +No. Too bad. I wasn't in it. +It's your money. You talk. I'm making a film. Jim Sullivan's going to be in it. He said you might know where Tod is. +I'm making a film. Jim Sullivan's going to be in it. He said you might know where Tod is. Do I know you? Weren't you on the set the other night? With Ramada. +Do I know you? Weren't you on the set the other night? With Ramada. Yeah. +Yeah. You making a feature? +You making a feature? Um-hm. Live sound. +Um-hm. Live sound. Got any parts? I'm free. Not free- free, but, you know, free. I don't really do this. +Joanne? You know her? +You know her? No. I saw her with Tod. +No. I saw her with Tod. Do you know where she lives? +Do you know where she lives? Nah. +Nah. Do you know where she would be? +Where is she? Tod might know. +Tod might know. Where's he? +Where's he? Last I heard he went to San Diego. +Last I heard he went to San Diego. If we went there, would you be able to find him? +If we went there, would you be able to find him? You're not a film producer, are you? +You're not a film producer, are you? How much do you make a week, Niki? +Are you a private detective? Something like that. How much do you make? +Something like that. How much do you make? Here? What a joke. There was some detective asking about that girl. +Here? What a joke. There was some detective asking about that girl. Three hundred? +Three hundred? This is just temporary. I once made nine hundred in outcall. +This is just temporary. I once made nine hundred in outcall. I'll give you $700 a week, cash, if you help me find this girl. +I'll give you $700 a week, cash, if you help me find this girl. Up front? +Up front? Half now, half later. +Half now, half later. Make it nine hundred. That was my best week. +Make it nine hundred. That was my best week. Okay. My client pays for it anyway. +Okay. My client pays for it anyway. When do we start? +When do we start? Tonight. When you get out, we'll go. Why didn't you tell the other detective? +Tonight. When you get out, we'll go. Why didn't you tell the other detective? This is different. This is nine hundred dollars. +I thought you were going to bed? I am. +No. Huh? +Huh? Niki. Calm down. Relax. Let's just talk for a while. Then, later, you'll go back to your room and we'll get some sleep. +You have anything to drink? You want to go out and get something? I don't drink, but you can go out. +I don't drink, but you can go out. You don't drink? +You don't drink? Ulcers. +You're not a private detective either, are you? No. +No. I didn't think so. I've fucked detectives. Who are you? +I didn't think so. I've fucked detectives. Who are you? A friend. +A friend. Of Joanne's? +Of Joanne's? Yeah. I'm her father. +Yeah. I'm her father. Jesus. +Jesus. Her name is Kristen. She disappeared a couple of months ago. +Her name is Kristen. She disappeared a couple of months ago. And your wife? Where's she? +And your wife? Where's she? She's dead. +She's dead. Hey, don't worry about it. Your daughter's around. We'll find her in a couple days. +You really shouldn't eat like that. All that sugar. It's not good for you. At least I'm a growing person. +At least I'm a growing person. You won't keep growing at this rate. +You won't keep growing at this rate. What rate? +What rate? You know what I'm talking about. +You know what I'm talking about. You never met a working girl before, have you? You think I like sucking off guys all night? Maybe I do. So what? You can't even say it, can you? +You never met a working girl before, have you? You think I like sucking off guys all night? Maybe I do. So what? You can't even say it, can you? Say what? +Say what? 'Sucking off.' +'Sucking off.' Okay. Sucking off. Now does that make me as good as you? +Okay. Sucking off. Now does that make me as good as you? You don't understand shit. +You don't understand shit. Okay, tell me. Why do you live like you do? +Okay, tell me. Why do you live like you do? Did you ever live in a room with six people and you didn't have any money, any food, any furniture? Have your brother come out, his car break down, he can't get a job? Your friends stealing food, going through trash behind a supermarket? +Did you ever live in a room with six people and you didn't have any money, any food, any furniture? Have your brother come out, his car break down, he can't get a job? Your friends stealing food, going through trash behind a supermarket? Is that the way it was with you? +Is that the way it was with you? No. But does it make any difference? How did you get to be the way you are? +Don't knock it. A girl can save up a lot money doing this -- big money. Then you're free. You can go off to Europe, meet somebody, get married. My girlfriend's going to buy her own beauty parlor. Not me. I'm gonna travel. 'Keep movin' that's my motto. Would you rather work at Copper Penny at a dollar-eighty an hour, having every two-bit cocksucker able to yell at you? I can make more money suc... doing what I do for five minutes than I can all week at another job. You used to work at Copper Penny? +You used to work at Copper Penny? No. +No. You and I, Niki, have very different ideas about sex. +You and I, Niki, have very different ideas about sex. Why? Are you a sex fiend? +Why? Are you a sex fiend? No. +No. Neither am I. +Neither am I. But it's all you do. +But it's all you do. How important do you think sex is? +How important do you think sex is? Not very. +Not very. We're just alike. You think sex is so unimportant you don't do it. I think sex is so unimportant I don't care who I do it with. +I don't see why I must justify myself to you. I don't care about the things you do. I don't care what's happening in New York or Los Angeles. I don't care about movies or TV. I don't care who's on Johnny Carson. What do you care about? +What do you care about? I care about my daughter. +What's T-J? Tijuana. +Tijuana. They were here? +They were here? Tod was. He was with Ratan. +Tod was. He was with Ratan. What does that mean? What does he do? +What does that mean? What does he do? He deals in pain. +He deals in pain. Is Kristen safe? +You have to believe in something. What do they believe in -- the Whatjamacillit church? Christian Reformed. It's a Dutch Calvinist denomination. +Christian Reformed. It's a Dutch Calvinist denomination. Do they believe in reincarnation? I believe in reincarnation. +Do they believe in reincarnation? I believe in reincarnation. They believe in the 'TULIP.' +They believe in the 'TULIP.' What the crap? +What the crap? It's an anagram. It comes from the Canons of Dort. Every letter stands for a different belief. T-U-L-I-P. Like -- are you sure you're interested in this? +It's an anagram. It comes from the Canons of Dort. Every letter stands for a different belief. T-U-L-I-P. Like -- are you sure you're interested in this? Yeah, yeah, go on. +Yeah, yeah, go on. T stands for Total depravity, that is, all men, through original sin, are totally evil and incapable of good. 'All my works are like filthy rags in the sight of the Lord.' +T stands for Total depravity, that is, all men, through original sin, are totally evil and incapable of good. 'All my works are like filthy rags in the sight of the Lord.' Shit. +Be that as it may. U is for Unconditional Election. God has chosen a certain number of people to be saved, The Elect, and He has chosen them from the beginning of time. L is for Limited Atonement. Only a limited number will be atoned, will go to Heaven. Fuck. +Fuck. I can stop if you want. +I can stop if you want. No, please go on. +I is for Irresistible Grace. God's grace cannot be resisted or denied. And P is for the Perseverance of the Saints. Once you are in Grace you cannot fall from the number of the elect. And that's the 'TULIP.' Wait, wait. I'm trying to figure this out. This is like Rona Barrett. Before you become saved, God already knows who you are? +Wait, wait. I'm trying to figure this out. This is like Rona Barrett. Before you become saved, God already knows who you are? He has to. That's Predestination. If God is omniscient, if He knows everything -- and He wouldn't be God if He didn't -- then He must have known, even before the creation of the world, the names of those who would be saved. +He has to. That's Predestination. If God is omniscient, if He knows everything -- and He wouldn't be God if He didn't -- then He must have known, even before the creation of the world, the names of those who would be saved. So it's already worked out. The fix is in? +So it's already worked out. The fix is in? More or less. +More or less. Wow. Then why be good? Either you're saved or you ain't. +Wow. Then why be good? Either you're saved or you ain't. Out of gratitude for being chosen. That's where Grace comes in. God first chooses you, then allows you, by Grace, to choose Him of your own free will. +Out of gratitude for being chosen. That's where Grace comes in. God first chooses you, then allows you, by Grace, to choose Him of your own free will. You really believe all that? +You really believe all that? Yeah. Well, mostly. +Yeah. Well, mostly. I thought I was fucked up. +I thought I was fucked up. I'll admit it's confusing from the outside. You've got to see it from the inside. +I'll admit it's confusing from the outside. You've got to see it from the inside. If you see anything from the inside it makes sense. You ought to hear perverts talk. A guy once almost had me convinced to let his dachshund fuck me. +If you see anything from the inside it makes sense. You ought to hear perverts talk. A guy once almost had me convinced to let his dachshund fuck me. It's not quite the same thing. +It's not quite the same thing. It doesn't make any sense to me. +Tod'll meet you at the bookstore at Eddy and O'Farrell tomorrow noon. I told him you were a 'specialty' customer. Why can't I meet him now? +Rot in hell, honey. He's busy now. Where does he live. +Where does he live. Just a second. It's my ass I'm risking. You better do it my way. These fuckers don't mess around. +I must have been in more motel rooms this week than in the rest of my life. At least it feels that way. I know what you mean. After a while they all look the same. +I know what you mean. After a while they all look the same. They are the same. +They are the same. Do you live in a house back in wherever. +Do you live in a house back in wherever. Grand Rapids? Of course. +Grand Rapids? Of course. On your own land? +Look, I really don't know your daughter but... But what? +But what? I wouldn't expect too much. I mean about her coming back. Once a girl gets into the life. +I wouldn't expect too much. I mean about her coming back. Once a girl gets into the life. What makes you so sure? +What makes you so sure? You wife isn't dead is she? +Why do you say that? Just a guess. She ain't dead though is she? +She left you right? Yeah. She was the one called Joanne. How'd you find that out? +Yeah. She was the one called Joanne. How'd you find that out? Just a guess. Did you have it good with your wife? You know, sex. +I don't blame you, Niki. Really I don't. It's this culture, where everything's based on sex, sold on sex... ...magazines, music, TV. It's destroying everything. Buy this 'cause of sex, use this 'cause of sex. Kids think it's normal. They think they're supposed to talk dirty, wear scanty clothes... Don't get upset. I lied too. I don't make no five hundred dollars a week. Everything I make goes to Granville. +Don't get upset. I lied too. I don't make no five hundred dollars a week. Everything I make goes to Granville. Granville? +Granville? My man. 'Pimp.' I split 'cause he don't treat me for shit. Thinks he's so cool 'cause he's black. I once tried to take my clothes but he says, 'You can't take 'em 'cause they're my clothes -- I bought 'em.' Yeah, with my fucking money... +Look, Niki, this really isn't my business. I don't know anything about... So I guess we're both fucked, huh? But at least you get to go to heaven. I don't get shit. +Did you find out where she was? Tod gave me the slip. I have to find him again. Where does he live? +Tod gave me the slip. I have to find him again. Where does he live? What happened? +What happened? Where is he? +Where is he? I can't tell you that. +Listen, Niki. My daughter's been missing five months. I've gone through a lot to find out what's happened to her. I just saw a girl killed. I will not let Tod slip out of my hands. You have to tell me where he is. But then you'll forget about me. +But then you'll forget about me. Where is he, Niki? +Those cops, like all cops, are intelligent enough, but they are masters of de-ductive reason. That is, you ask them what three and two are they'll tell you five, but if you ask them what five is, they go blank. That's spec-u-lative reasoning, and that's where I come in. Well, what do they know? +Well, what do they know? Dogshit. Worse yet, they don't care. +Dogshit. Worse yet, they don't care. So then, Mr. Mast... +So then, Mr. Mast... Andy. +Andy. ...What do you have to offer? +...What do you have to offer? Let me ask you a personal question, a painful one. The first of many. Tell me, was your daughter the kind of girl to run around, to, ah, play practical jokes, maybe? +No, I didn't think she was. Let me get the picture here. Let me guess. She was an absolutely clean girl, a model daughter, she never had rebellious or impure thoughts, she didn't fuck around... If I was you, Mr. Mast, I'd watch my language. +If I was you, Mr. Mast, I'd watch my language. Hey, I'm a private detective, Van Dorn, you want to hire a choir boy you can go back to Grand Rapids. I've been to that scumbag town. It's full of them. +Hey, I'm a private detective, Van Dorn, you want to hire a choir boy you can go back to Grand Rapids. I've been to that scumbag town. It's full of them. Who's paying you? +Who's paying you? You are. +You are. That's right. +That's right. As I was saying, I'll pick up the thread. There's a number of ways I can go. There's not much you can do here. Stay if you want. Maybe it'd be better if you went back home. Go through Kristen's personal stuff. Ask around, maybe she knew somebody out here. Look, I do this a lot. I work at a minimum rate of $750.00 a week. It may seem like a lot of money to you, but it ain't. You could hire cheaper. +As I was saying, I'll pick up the thread. There's a number of ways I can go. There's not much you can do here. Stay if you want. Maybe it'd be better if you went back home. Go through Kristen's personal stuff. Ask around, maybe she knew somebody out here. Look, I do this a lot. I work at a minimum rate of $750.00 a week. It may seem like a lot of money to you, but it ain't. You could hire cheaper. And better? +And better? I suppose. But I'll tell you, Jake, I'm like a little animal. When I get my teeth into something I never let go. If your daughter's here, I'll track her down. +Hello? Mr. Van Dorn? +Mr. Van Dorn? Mast? +Mast? Yeah. +Yeah. Where are you? The connection sounds very good. +Where are you? The connection sounds very good. I'm back in Grand Rapids. +I'm back in Grand Rapids. In G.R.? Why? +In G.R.? Why? Can you meet me in about an hour? At the Pantlind Hotel? +Can you meet me in about an hour? At the Pantlind Hotel? I've got a meeting... +I've got a meeting... What are you paying me for? +What are you paying me for? I'll be there. +This used to be a real city. I was here about fifteen years ago. Embezzlement case. It was always a little religious for my taste, but at least it was a city. With a downtown and all. What have you found out? +What have you found out? I've got some news. Your daughter's all right. At least I think she is. +I've got some news. Your daughter's all right. At least I think she is. Where is she? +Where is she? I don't know. +I don't know. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Have you ever seen any, ah, pornographic movies, Jake? +Have you ever seen any, ah, pornographic movies, Jake? No. +No. "Do you know what a ""hardcore"" movie is?" +"Do you know what a ""hardcore"" movie is?" That's like a stag film. +That's like a stag film. Yeah. You ever seen any of those? +Yeah. You ever seen any of those? No. +No. They're legal now. +They're legal now. They are? +They are? Yeah. All over. Even here in Grand Rapids. +Yeah. All over. Even here in Grand Rapids. Hmm. +Hmm. There's a little stall theatre up here. It's closed now, but I'm borrowing it for an hour. I think there's something you'd better see. +Where is she? I don't know. +I don't know. Where did you get that film? +I bought it at a store in L.A. Who made it? +Who made it? I don't know. +I don't know. What do you mean? +Wait. Slow down. A film like this, 16mm, cost two three hundred dollars, sold outright, shown in peep machines, maybe theatres, maybe not, is almost impossible to track. 'Nobody' makes it; 'nobody' shows it; 'nobody' sees it. It's like it doesn't even exist. What's it called? +What's it called? It was called 'Slave of Love' when I bought it. Next time it's sold, it'll be called something else. +It was called 'Slave of Love' when I bought it. Next time it's sold, it'll be called something else. But the police... +But the police... The police? They know less than you do. +The police? They know less than you do. Do you think she's safe? +Do you think she's safe? Yeah. Probably. +Yeah. Probably. You like this, don't you. Showing me... this. +You like this, don't you. Showing me... this. I hate it. But you gotta know, buddy. A lot of strange things happen in this world. Things you don't know about in Grand Rapids. Things you don't want to know about. Doors that should never be opened. I've known more about this sort of thing than a man should. Don't ask me why. +I ain't cheated you, Pilgrim. This is research, damn it! That girl could have told us something. Research, my ass. I suppose these are the 'extra expenses' I've been paying for? And in the middle of the morning, too. +Oh, fuck off. You should stay where you belong. Get out. Get out of here, Goddammit. +I'm only human, you know. Get out. +Get out. But this is my apartment. +But this is my apartment. Get out! +What are you doing here? I felt like such a shit, pilgrim, after what I did to you -- not that I did anything wrong -- that I kept investigating, poking around. There's some poor s.o.b. in L.A. with his face all bent out of shape who you've damaged his movie career. Lucky for him, people don't look at his face. +I felt like such a shit, pilgrim, after what I did to you -- not that I did anything wrong -- that I kept investigating, poking around. There's some poor s.o.b. in L.A. with his face all bent out of shape who you've damaged his movie career. Lucky for him, people don't look at his face. Do the police want to arrest me? +Do the police want to arrest me? Nah. They don't care about some faggot hustler. They're more interested in your daughter's health -- and yours. Like I am. +Nah. They don't care about some faggot hustler. They're more interested in your daughter's health -- and yours. Like I am. Yeah, sure. +Yeah, sure. Listen, pilgrim, you're way out on a limb here. You don't know what you're into. +Listen, pilgrim, you're way out on a limb here. You don't know what you're into. You sure as hell haven't been any help. +You sure as hell haven't been any help. I'm sorry about that. Have you found anything out? You've got to tell me. +I'm sorry about that. Have you found anything out? You've got to tell me. Why don't you tell me something for a change? +Why don't you tell me something for a change? Like what? +Like what? Who is Ratan? +Where'd you hear that name? I just heard. Who is he? +You know, it's possible to buy anything on this earth. You can buy child whores, slaves. You can have people raped, killed... One of the men who supposedly arranges such things is named Ratan. He usually isn't in this country. How'd you hear about him? It's just a name. +It's just a name. Don't do anything more. I'll find out what I can. +Don't do anything more. I'll find out what I can. Does she know anything about this? +Does she know anything about this? Who? The whore? No. She's just a victim. A dime a dozen. +What happened, pilgrim? Just leave me alone. +Just leave me alone. But I'm here to help you... +Andy, can you do something for her? Maybe money... Go home, pilgrim. There's nothing you can do. Forget this place. Start over. +You want to go for coffee after we send the girls off? No. Thanks anyway. I've got to get over to the office. +No. Thanks anyway. I've got to get over to the office. Anne wants to make sure you come over for dinner Sunday. With Kristen gone you'll be all alone. +What is it, Jake? Wes, Anne, come here a moment. +What happened? They don't know. They were having some recreation deal out at Knott's Berry Farm and Kristen wasn't there when they got back to the bus and they couldn't find her. +Is Marsha there? Yeah. She's quite upset. I'm going to fly out today. They want me to bring some pictures. +Yeah. She's quite upset. I'm going to fly out today. They want me to bring some pictures. I'll come with you. Let me pack some things. +How's your business, Jake? Pretty good. +Pretty good. You should come around more often. You haven't been around for weeks. Anne complains she doesn't see you anymore. +Jake? How did you find me? +How did you find me? I called every L.A. hotel. The Holiday Inn gave this as a referral number. Your office said you had no business in New York, so I figured you had come out here. What's happening, Jake? What are you doing? Nobody's heard from you. Anne's worried sick. We didn't know if you were dead or alive. +Wes, do me a favor. What? +What? Leave me alone. Go home. Go away. +Just do what I say. Don't ask. What is going on? +What is going on? I think I've found a way to find Kristen. I have a plan. But I have to be alone. +I think I've found a way to find Kristen. I have a plan. But I have to be alone. What plan? +What plan? You don't want to know. Now, Wes, leave, please. For me. +You don't want to know. Now, Wes, leave, please. For me. What will I tell the others? They care about you. +What will I tell the others? They care about you. Tell them anything you want. Tell them I'm on a vacation, a business trip. Tell them I needed a rest. Tell them anything, just don't tell them... +Hey man. We're casting for an explicit sex action feature... +We're casting for an explicit sex action feature... I know. Word's out on the street -- word's also out you ain't really hiring anyone. +I know. Word's out on the street -- word's also out you ain't really hiring anyone. That's not true, Mr...? +That's not true, Mr...? Jim Sullivan. Sometimes they call me Jism Jim. +Jim Sullivan. Sometimes they call me Jism Jim. That's not true, Jim. In fact, I think you're very close to the type we're looking for. +Oh yeah? I've done a lot of good stuff. Shorts, features. No major roles it's true. But good stuff. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. +Oh yeah? I remember that. It was made by some college kids. It was called 'Slave of Love.' +It was called 'Slave of Love.' God, I don't know what it was called. I never saw it. I only got twenty- five bucks for the whole Goddamned thing. +God, I don't know what it was called. I never saw it. I only got twenty- five bucks for the whole Goddamned thing. I thought you were quite good in it. I also like the girl in it. Really thought she was good. I wondered if she was still around. If she was still working. +Hey, stop, stop. I'll do anything you want. It's okay. I can dig it. You can do anything you want to me. Where is she? Where is the girl? +Where is she? Where is the girl? She's got a man. A white guy. Tod something or other. +She's got a man. A white guy. Tod something or other. Where does he hang out? +Where does he hang out? I don't know. +I don't know. Where! +Where! Look, I know this chick Niki. She works at Les Girls. She would know. Honest. +I hear you got money to spend. I hear you're interested in... interesting things. Yeah. +Yeah. Do you work for the San Francisco Police Department, or do you have any other affiliation with any law enforcement agency? +Do you work for the San Francisco Police Department, or do you have any other affiliation with any law enforcement agency? No. +No. What you got in mind? +What you got in mind? I want to meet Ratan. +I want to meet Ratan. What is that? A kind of chair? I never heard of no Ratan. +What is that? A kind of chair? I never heard of no Ratan. I was told that there were certain things that only Ratan could provide. +I was told that there were certain things that only Ratan could provide. You're talking about real excitement? +You're talking about real excitement? Yeah. I heard you and Ratan just came from Mexico. And that you had a film of a girl being, ah you know... +Yeah. I heard you and Ratan just came from Mexico. And that you had a film of a girl being, ah you know... Who told you about this? +Who told you about this? Rucker. +Rucker. I don't know no Ratan, but I may be able to help you out. It's not me, of course. Just helping out a friend. It'll cost you five hundred bucks for a single screening. +I don't know no Ratan, but I may be able to help you out. It's not me, of course. Just helping out a friend. It'll cost you five hundred bucks for a single screening. Is this with a girl named Kristen? +Is this with a girl named Kristen? Um-hm. You got the five hundred? +Um-hm. You got the five hundred? Well... +Well... Take it or leave it. +Take it or leave it. Okay. +Okay. Meet me here today at seven o'clock. With the money. Then we'll go see the film. +Meet me here today at seven o'clock. With the money. Then we'll go see the film. Good. +What do you want? Do I know you from somewhere? I want to know where my daughter is. Her name is Kristen, or Joanne. She's with you. +I want to know where my daughter is. Her name is Kristen, or Joanne. She's with you. I don't know what you're talking about. +You wait here. I'll find out where she is. You ain't goin' nowhere alone. +Where's Ratan? Who? +That film was a fake! Everything's phony... Ratan! +Who the fuck knows? The Four Aces. He goes there. Let's go. +Fifty cents admission. What? +What? It's fifty cents admission. It's applicable to a purchase. +Do you have a, ah, film called 'Slave of Love?' What we got is just these here. What you see. +What we got is just these here. What you see. It's a short film. +It's a short film. They're all about the same. You want something? +This is from the movie I was talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. +I don't know what you're talking about. I wondered if you had ever seen this film or this woman... ...right here. +I wondered if you had ever seen this film or this woman... ...right here. That girl? No, never saw her. I don't know anybody. +That girl? No, never saw her. I don't know anybody. I'm just trying to find... Who owns this store? +I'm just trying to find... Who owns this store? I don't know. Look, man, if you're looking for somebody maybe you ought to see the cops. +I don't know. Look, man, if you're looking for somebody maybe you ought to see the cops. But I... +But I... I don't know nothing, man. +You don't want anything for your fifty cents? No. +Here. Take your fifty cents back. That's all right. +That's all right. No, take it. I don't want your Goddamn fifty cents. +No. I walked up. Don't ride elevators. My secretary said you wanted to discuss a business proposition. +My secretary said you wanted to discuss a business proposition. Yes. I'm interested in financing an adult feature film. I was told you were the man to come to. +Yes. I'm interested in financing an adult feature film. I was told you were the man to come to. Film making can be pretty expensive... +I've got fifty thousand dollars to invest. Oh. Why is it that you want to get into film financing? +Oh. Why is it that you want to get into film financing? Well, Bill -- mind if I call you Bill? Let me be frank. I've made a lot of money. I've got my own business in Detroit. Rivets. I make rivets and sell them to Fisher Body. Well, rivets, you know, can get pretty boring after a while. When my business manager told me I should shelter some money, I thought I'd try this. +Well, Bill -- mind if I call you Bill? Let me be frank. I've made a lot of money. I've got my own business in Detroit. Rivets. I make rivets and sell them to Fisher Body. Well, rivets, you know, can get pretty boring after a while. When my business manager told me I should shelter some money, I thought I'd try this. What exactly do you have in mind? +What exactly do you have in mind? I thought I'd invest in a film. I want to sort of become involved in the process of making a film, meet the people who make films, learn how it's done... +I thought I'd invest in a film. I want to sort of become involved in the process of making a film, meet the people who make films, learn how it's done... In other words, you want to get laid? +In other words, you want to get laid? Not exactly... +Not exactly... It's cool. Why do you think I got in the movies? How much poon do you think you get in the car wash business? Look, fifty thousand dollars buys a lot of pussy. You can get your joint pulled by beautiful girls every night for the rest of your life for fifty thousand dollars. So why fuck with the movie business? +It's cool. Why do you think I got in the movies? How much poon do you think you get in the car wash business? Look, fifty thousand dollars buys a lot of pussy. You can get your joint pulled by beautiful girls every night for the rest of your life for fifty thousand dollars. So why fuck with the movie business? It's an investment. +It's an investment. If you want to watch when we shoot a film, for fifty bucks, I let guys stand around and watch. It's a lot cheaper. +If you want to watch when we shoot a film, for fifty bucks, I let guys stand around and watch. It's a lot cheaper. I thought you were a businessman. +I thought you were a businessman. Don't get me wrong. A couple years ago, I woulda jumped at fifty thousand dollars possible financing. But the Lord's been good to me. I can now finance any films I choose. Big ones, small ones. Right now we're setting up a two hundred thousand dollar feature film. Live sound. I like to keep my own money in my films. That way you don't have to share the profits. There's plenty of guys in town that'll take it, though. But if I was you, Mr... what was your name again? +Don't get me wrong. A couple years ago, I woulda jumped at fifty thousand dollars possible financing. But the Lord's been good to me. I can now finance any films I choose. Big ones, small ones. Right now we're setting up a two hundred thousand dollar feature film. Live sound. I like to keep my own money in my films. That way you don't have to share the profits. There's plenty of guys in town that'll take it, though. But if I was you, Mr... what was your name again? Jake. +Jake. ...I'd just start my own business. That's what I did. Get into kid porn. That's big now. Why don't you come around the set? Meet some people. If you still want to invest, I'll ask around. +...I'd just start my own business. That's what I did. Get into kid porn. That's big now. Why don't you come around the set? Meet some people. If you still want to invest, I'll ask around. Sounds all right. +Sounds all right. Okay. Keep in touch with my secretary. +I got a picture here. I want you to tell me where to find this woman. I been asking everybody. Nobody knows anything. Calm down, mister. You don't want to get the cops in here do you? You got a family? +Calm down, mister. You don't want to get the cops in here do you? You got a family? I don't suppose you've ever seen this girl before either? Her name's Kristen, but I suppose you've never seen her? +I don't suppose you've ever seen this girl before either? Her name's Kristen, but I suppose you've never seen her? Why don't you just go outdoors, mister? Cool off. +Why don't you just go outdoors, mister? Cool off. Cool off, huh? How's this for cooling off? +Hold it, mister. What do you think of that? Or this? +You going to Knott's Berry Farm with him? He asked me. You going with anybody? +He asked me. You going with anybody? I don't know. +I don't know. You ever play Chicken? +You ever play Chicken? What's that? +What's that? You never heard of that? +You never heard of that? Com'on, tell me. +Com'on, tell me. Well, a boy goes like this, see. +What does that do? Well, each time he comes in closer, like this. +Ssh. I'm on a stakeout. Oh. +I'm staking out this beer bottle. Trying to find out if I'll finish it or it'll finish me. I'm worried about Jake. +I'm worried about Jake. I'm off that case. He fired me. +I'm off that case. He fired me. He didn't look good at all. Something strange is going on. He's got himself into some trouble. He wouldn't say what. +He didn't look good at all. Something strange is going on. He's got himself into some trouble. He wouldn't say what. I'll tell you, that was an interesting case. The Van Dorn girl. I've handled runaway cases like it before. Usually when you put the pressure on the porn underworld for an underage kid, she pops up in about a week. Everybody denies ever seeing her, but there she is at the airport with a prepaid ticket home. Well, I put pressure on all over town for this girl and it stayed cold as ice. In fact, certain people for this girl and -- nothing. I guess I gave your brother-in-law sort of a raw deal. +I want to rehire you. To find out what's happening to my brother-in- law. I've been on another case. All day. I suppose I can move it over. Seven fifty a week, plus travel expenses. +I've been on another case. All day. I suppose I can move it over. Seven fifty a week, plus travel expenses. Do you really think Kristen is just a runaway? +Maybe. Maybe not. I also want you to protect my brother- in-law. +I also want you to protect my brother- in-law. Huh? +Huh? You have to understand. He can be mean, self-righteous. He had a Vishund once. Loved that dog. He came home one day and the dog bit him. He took that dog and staked him out in the back yard. It was winter. Every day he came home and watched that dog until he froze. He's capable of doing anything. +You have to understand. He can be mean, self-righteous. He had a Vishund once. Loved that dog. He came home one day and the dog bit him. He took that dog and staked him out in the back yard. It was winter. Every day he came home and watched that dog until he froze. He's capable of doing anything. To his own daughter? +To his own daughter? To anybody. +You know Granville's looking for you, Niki? My name ain't Niki. It's Pattica, like in Attica. +My name ain't Niki. It's Pattica, like in Attica. Granville's looking for you anyway. +Granville's looking for you anyway. Who's that? +Who's that? The guy who bought you that ring. +The guy who bought you that ring. Well, he can just fuck himself. +You can fuck off, too. You're taking a big chance. +You're taking a big chance. I ain't ever gonna see him again anyway. +I ain't ever gonna see him again anyway. Oh no? What you gonna do? Get a job? +Jake'll take care of me. Who? Van Dorn? You must be kidding yourself, honey. You think once that guy finds his daughter he'll care about you? +Hey, piss-head, what brings you around? You don't have to get uppity with me, Bill. I remember when you was running that car wash and couldn't make it go. And what was that other thing you tried? A Dairy Queen? Went busted too. +You don't have to get uppity with me, Bill. I remember when you was running that car wash and couldn't make it go. And what was that other thing you tried? A Dairy Queen? Went busted too. At least I improved myself. What's up? +I want you to take a look at this girl here. She's been in some porn stuff. No, Andy. Don't know the kid. +No, Andy. Don't know the kid. Look again, Billy-boy. This is jail bait. Could get you in a lotta trouble. +Look again, Billy-boy. This is jail bait. Could get you in a lotta trouble. Nope never saw her before. Kurt, come over here. Don't use underage kids. Wouldn't touch 'em for all the cow shit in Mexico. You recognize this piece of wool, Kurt? +You remember me. Louise? Rhymes with squeeze. You working in San Diego now? +You working in San Diego now? I'm still in L.A., but I'm looking for Tod. I heard he was around. +I'm still in L.A., but I'm looking for Tod. I heard he was around. 'Was.' He and that shitheel Ratan went down to T-J. Maybe I shouldn't say that. Anyway, I hear he's back in Frisco now. +'Was.' He and that shitheel Ratan went down to T-J. Maybe I shouldn't say that. Anyway, I hear he's back in Frisco now. Was he with a girl? +Was he with a girl? No. +No. Thanks. +Hello, I'm Candy Gulf. How do you do. I'm Mrs. Chasen. Come in. +You are at the University, Candy? Yes, I am. +Yes, I am. And what are you studying? +And what are you studying? Poli. Sci. With a home ec minor. +Poli. Sci. With a home ec minor. Eh, Poli Sci? +Eh, Poli Sci? Political Science. It's all about what's going on. +He seems very nice. Is Harold interested in, eh, what's going on? I think it's such a super thing to study. And then, of course, I can always fall back on home ec. Yes, that's good planning. Tell me, are you a regular, Candy, in this computer club? +I think I should mention, Candy, that Harold does have his eccentric moments. Oh, yes? Well, that's all right. I've got a brother who's a real cut-up, too. I'll never forget the time we had this old TV set with no parts in it. Well, Tommy stuck his head behind it and started giving a newscast before the whole family. We were all hysterical. And here's little Tommy pretending to be Walter Cronkite. +Lady, you were going 70 miles an hour in a 45-mile zone. Could I see your license, please? Yes. Those little pieces of paper with your picture on it? +Yes. Those little pieces of paper with your picture on it? Yes. +Yes. Oh, I don't have one. +Oh, I don't have one. Come again. +Come again. I don't have one. I don't believe in them. +I don't have one. I don't believe in them. How long have you been driving? +How long have you been driving? About forty-five minutes, wouldn't you say, Harold? We were hoping to start sooner but, you see, it's rather hard to find a truck. +About forty-five minutes, wouldn't you say, Harold? We were hoping to start sooner but, you see, it's rather hard to find a truck. Could I see your registration? +Could I see your registration? I just don't think we have one, unless it's in the glove compartment. Could you look, Harold? +I just don't think we have one, unless it's in the glove compartment. Could you look, Harold? Isn't this your vehicle? +Isn't this your vehicle? No, no. I just took it. +No, no. I just took it. Took it? +Took it? Yes. You see I have to plant my tree. +Yes. You see I have to plant my tree. Your tree. +Your tree. Well, it's not really mine. I dug it up in front of the courthouse. We're transplanting it. Letting it breathe, you know. But, of course, we would like to get it into soil, as soon as possible. +Well, it's not really mine. I dug it up in front of the courthouse. We're transplanting it. Letting it breathe, you know. But, of course, we would like to get it into soil, as soon as possible. Lady, let me get this straight. +Lady, let me get this straight. All right, then, and we'll be off. Nice chatting with you. +Okay, lady. Out. Hello. +Haven't we met before? None of that, lady. +None of that, lady. Oh, well. Must have been your brother. +Oh, well. Must have been your brother. Out! +But there is a family resemblance. You too, Buster. Stand over here. Lady, you're in a heap of trouble. I have you down here for several violations; speeding, resisting arrest, driving without a license, driving a stolen vehicle, possession of a stolen tree... Where's the tree? +You too, Buster. Stand over here. Lady, you're in a heap of trouble. I have you down here for several violations; speeding, resisting arrest, driving without a license, driving a stolen vehicle, possession of a stolen tree... Where's the tree? We planted it. +We planted it. Is this your shovel? +Is this your shovel? No. +No. Possession of a stolen shovel. +Possession of a stolen shovel. Officer, I can explain. +Officer, I can explain. Lady, resisting arrest is a serious criminal offense. Under the state criminal code, section 545, paragraph 10-B... +Lady, resisting arrest is a serious criminal offense. Under the state criminal code, section 545, paragraph 10-B... Oh, don't get officious. You're not yourself when you're officious. That's the curse of a government job. +Oh, don't get officious. You're not yourself when you're officious. That's the curse of a government job. Lady, is it true you're driving without a license? +Lady, is it true you're driving without a license? Check. +Check. And that truck - is it registered in your name? +And that truck - is it registered in your name? Oh no! Not in my name. +Oh no! Not in my name. Then whose name is it registered in? +Then whose name is it registered in? Well, I don't know. Do you know, Harold? +Well, I don't know. Do you know, Harold? Where are the papers? +Where are the papers? I suppose they are in the truck. Are you going to take a lot of time with this? +I suppose they are in the truck. Are you going to take a lot of time with this? Wait here. +Wait here. Because if you are... +Because if you are... Lady! Be quiet. +This way, Edith. Harold is out by the garage. He has a new car and he has been tuning it up. He's very mechanical. What kind of a car is it? +Oh. It looks like a hearse. Very nice. Compact. Edith, I'd like you to meet my son, Harold. Harold, this is Edith... eh? +Edith, I'd like you to meet my son, Harold. Harold, this is Edith... eh? Fern. I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance. +And what do you do, my dear? I'm a file clerk - Harrison Feed and Grain. +I'm a file clerk - Harrison Feed and Grain. How interesting. +How interesting. Not very. +Not very. Oh. Well, what is it exactly that you do? +Oh. Well, what is it exactly that you do? I'm in charge of all the invoices for the southwest. We supply, for example, most of the egg farmers in Southern California. So you can imagine. +Edith was just telling me about her job. I'm a file clerk. +I'm a file clerk. Yes. Henderson Feed and Grain. +Yes. Henderson Feed and Grain. Harrison. Harrison Feed and Grain... At Hamilton and Fourth... I'm in charge of the invoices... And I type up the schedule for the trucking fleet... +Harrison. Harrison Feed and Grain... At Hamilton and Fourth... I'm in charge of the invoices... And I type up the schedule for the trucking fleet... She supplies the whole southwest with chicken feed. +She supplies the whole southwest with chicken feed. Well, not all the southwest. Although we do have a large business... Barley was very big last week... Fifteen hundred... +What do you want? I'm sorry. I was looking for Maude. +Sorry I'm late. A rather free translation but nonetheless correct. Greetings to you too, my little one. Tell me, what do you see? +A rather free translation but nonetheless correct. Greetings to you too, my little one. Tell me, what do you see? A block of ice. +A block of ice. Exactly! Now, ask me what I see. +Exactly! Now, ask me what I see. What do you see? +What do you see? I see the eternal goddess of beauty and love. I see Aphrodite. The consummate woman. +Here's your shovel. What?... Oh yes... Shovel... Create ... Verily these issues lie in the lap of the gods... Iliad... Just sit down for a minute. +Eh, no. Thank you. You're welcome. Did you know him? +You're welcome. Did you know him? Eh, no. +Eh, no. Me neither. I heard he was eighty years old. I'll be eighty next week. A good time to move on, don't you think? +Me neither. I heard he was eighty years old. I'll be eighty next week. A good time to move on, don't you think? I don't know. +I don't know. I mean, seventy-five is too early, but at eighty-five, well, you're just marking time and you may as well look over the horizon. +It's a question of emphasis, you might say. Accentuate the positive, so to speak. Eh, could I have my pen back now, please? +Eh, could I have my pen back now, please? Oh, of course. What is your name? +Oh, of course. What is your name? Harold Chasen. +Harold Chasen. How do you do? I am Dame Marjorie Chardin, but you may call me Maude. +How do you do? I am Dame Marjorie Chardin, but you may call me Maude. Nice to meet you. +Nice to meet you. Oh, thank you. I think we shall be great friends, don't you? +Can I drop you anywhere, Harold? No, thank you. I have my car. +No, thank you. I have my car. Well then, I must be off. We shall have to meet again. +Do you dance? What? +What? Do you sing and dance? +Do you sing and dance? Eh, no. +Eh, no. No. I thought not. +Yes. Oh, so do I. They're such fun, aren't they? It's all change. All revolving. Burials and births. The end to the beginning and the beginning to the end - - the great circle of life. My, this old thing handles well. Ever drive a hearse, Harold? +Oh, so do I. They're such fun, aren't they? It's all change. All revolving. Burials and births. The end to the beginning and the beginning to the end - - the great circle of life. My, this old thing handles well. Ever drive a hearse, Harold? Yes. +Yes. Well, it's a new experience for me. Good on curves. Shall I take you home, Harold? +Well, it's a new experience for me. Good on curves. Shall I take you home, Harold? But this is my car. +But this is my car. Your hearse? +Your hearse? Yearse! +Yearse! Oh. +Of course, I've had to make some additions for the new models, but not as many as you might think. Once you have your basic set it's then only a question of variation. And you get into any car you want and just drive off? +And you get into any car you want and just drive off? Not any car. I like to keep a variety. I'm always looking for the new experience, like this one. I liked it. +Not any car. I like to keep a variety. I'm always looking for the new experience, like this one. I liked it. Thank you. But when you take these cars don't you think you are wronging the owners? +Thank you. But when you take these cars don't you think you are wronging the owners? "What owners, Harold? We don't own anything. It's a transitory world. We come on the earth with nothing, and we go out with nothing, so isn't ""ownership"" a little absurd?" +"What owners, Harold? We don't own anything. It's a transitory world. We come on the earth with nothing, and we go out with nothing, so isn't ""ownership"" a little absurd?" Still, I think you'd upset people and I'm not sure that's right. +Still, I think you'd upset people and I'm not sure that's right. Well, if some people are upset because they feel they have a hold on some things, then I'm merely acting as a gentle reminder - I'm sort of breaking it easy -- Here today, gone tomorrow, so don't get attached to things. Now, with that in mind, I'm not against collecting stuff... +It's all memorabilia, but incidental and not integral, if you know what I mean. It's very interesting. +It's very interesting. Oh, look! The birds. +She's very sweet, but so old- fashioned. Please sit down, Harold. I'll put on the kettle and we'll have a nice hot cup of tea. Thank you, but I really have to go. +Thank you, but I really have to go. But it's oat straw tea. You've never had oat straw tea, have you? +But it's oat straw tea. You've never had oat straw tea, have you? No. +No. Well then. +Thank you, but it's an appointment. I really shouldn't miss it. Oh, at the dentist's? +Oh, at the dentist's? Sort of. +Sort of. Well, then, you must come back and visit. +Well, then, you must come back and visit. All right. +All right. My door is always open. +My door is always open. All right. +All right. Promise? +Harold? Maude???! +How about some ginger pie? Eh, fine. +Eh, fine. I'll heat some up. My, it's nice to see you again, Harold. How's your hearse? +I'll heat some up. My, it's nice to see you again, Harold. How's your hearse? Oh, it's fine. Fine. +Oh, it's fine. Fine. She seemed yare to me. +Do you often model for Glaucus? Heavens no! I don't have the time. But I like to keep in practice and poor Glaucus occasionally needs his memory refreshed as to the contours of the female form. Do you disapprove? +Heavens no! I don't have the time. But I like to keep in practice and poor Glaucus occasionally needs his memory refreshed as to the contours of the female form. Do you disapprove? Me! No. Of course not. +Me! No. Of course not. Really. Do you think it's wrong? +Really. Do you think it's wrong? No. +No. "Oh, I'm so happy you said that because I wanted to show you my paintings. This is the ""Rape of Rome"" and, of course, there in the corner is quite a graphic depiction of Leda and the Swan." +"A self-portrait. But over here is my favorite. It's titled ""Rainbow with Egg Underneath and an Elephant."" Do you like it?" Yes. Very much. +Yes. Very much. "It was my last. I then became infatuated with these -- my ""Odorifics.""" +Now I'll pump it up... ... and you just turn the handles. Okay. What do you smell? Subways... Perfume... Cigarette... ... Cologne... Carpet... Chestnuts! ... Snow! +Subways... Perfume... Cigarette... ... Cologne... Carpet... Chestnuts! ... Snow! It goes on and on. +It goes on and on. That's really great. +What do you think? Oh. Eh, I like it. +Oh. Eh, I like it. No, you have to touch it. You have to run your hands over it, get close to it, really reach out and feel. You try it. +Here we are, Harold. Oat straw tea and ginger pie. Certainly a new experience for me. +Certainly a new experience for me. Wonderful! Try something new each day. After all, we're given life to find it out. It doesn't last forever. +You look as if you could. Me. Ha! Did I tell you I'll be eighty on Saturday? +Me. Ha! Did I tell you I'll be eighty on Saturday? You don't look eighty. +You don't look eighty. That's the influence of the right food, the right exercise, and the right breathing. Greet the dawn with the Breath of Fire! Of course, there's no doubt the body is giving out. I'm well into autumn. I'll have to be giving it all up after Saturday. Sweeten the tea with honey, Harold. It's delicious. +That's the influence of the right food, the right exercise, and the right breathing. Greet the dawn with the Breath of Fire! Of course, there's no doubt the body is giving out. I'm well into autumn. I'll have to be giving it all up after Saturday. Sweeten the tea with honey, Harold. It's delicious. That's a nice teapot. +That's a nice teapot. Sterling silver. It was my dear mother-in-law's, part of a dinner set of fifty pieces. It's one of the few things that survived. Oh, but I do rattle on so. Tell me about yourself, Harold. What do you do when you aren't visiting funerals? +Well, it's all very thrilling, of course, but I ask you, Harold... Is it enough? What do you mean? +I should like to change into a sunflower most of all. They are so tall and simple. And you, Harold, what flower would you like to be? I don't know. Just one of those. +Why do you say that? Because they are all the same. +Because they are all the same. Oooh, but they are not. Look. +Boy, Maude. The way you handle cars. I'd never handle a car like that. Oh, it's only a machine, Harold. It's not as if it were alive, like a horse or a camel. We may live in a machine age, but I simply can't treat them as equals. Of course, the age has its advantages. +The universal language of mankind. What music do you like, Harold? Well... +What happened? Look. +Look. What? +What? Over there by the courthouse. +Over there by the courthouse. What is it? +What is it? That little tree. It's in trouble. Come on. +Look at it, Harold. It's suffocating. It's the smog. People can live with it, but it gives trees asthma. They can't breathe. See the leaves are all brown. Harold, we've got to do something about this life. But what? +But what? We'll transplant it. To the forest. +We'll transplant it. To the forest. But we can't just dig it up! +But we can't just dig it up! Why not? +Why not? But this is public property. +But this is public property. Exactly. +Don't you think we should get some tools, maybe? Yes, you're right. We'll go see Glaucus. Come on. +Yes, you're right. We'll go see Glaucus. Come on. Oh, wait, Maude. Look! +Oh, my. We're too late. Is he all right? +Is he all right? He's fallen asleep, as usual. +We'll come back in the morning. What is that he's working on? +What is that he's working on? An ice sculpture. It's Venus - the Goddess of Love, the completion of which is his unfulfilled dream. +An ice sculpture. It's Venus - the Goddess of Love, the completion of which is his unfulfilled dream. It is kind of rough. +It is kind of rough. He's never finished one yet. He has around him every kind of hand tool known to man, but the poor dear has difficulty staying awake. +He's never finished one yet. He has around him every kind of hand tool known to man, but the poor dear has difficulty staying awake. Look, the ice is melting. +Look, the ice is melting. Yes. +A little after-dinner liqueur, Harold? Well, I really don't drink... +Well, I really don't drink... Oh, it's all right. It's organic. +Thank you. Some nuts? Some licorice? It has no nutritional value but then consistency is not really a human trait. +Some nuts? Some licorice? It has no nutritional value but then consistency is not really a human trait. Thank you. +What's that? My umbrella? Oh, that's just a relic. I found it when I was packing to come to America. It used to be my defense on picket lines and rallies and political meetings - being dragged off by police or attacked by thugs of the opposition. A long time ago. +My umbrella? Oh, that's just a relic. I found it when I was packing to come to America. It used to be my defense on picket lines and rallies and political meetings - being dragged off by police or attacked by thugs of the opposition. A long time ago. What were you fighting for? +What were you fighting for? Oh, Big Issues. Liberty. Rights. Justice. Kings died and kingdoms fell. I don't regret the kingdoms - what sense in borders and nations and patriotism - but I do miss the kings. When I was a little girl I was taken to the palace in Vienna, to a garden party. I can still see the sunshine, the parasols, and the flashing uniforms of the young officers. I thought then I would marry a soldier. Later, Frederick would chide me about it. He was so serious. A doctor at the University. And in the government. +No. No more revolts. +No more revolts. Oh, yes! Every day. But I don't need a defense anymore. I embrace! Still fighting for the Big Issues but now in my small, individual way. Shall we have a song? +Oh, yes! Every day. But I don't need a defense anymore. I embrace! Still fighting for the Big Issues but now in my small, individual way. Shall we have a song? Well, I don't... +Well, I don't... Oh come on. I'll teach you. +Oh, that was fun. Let's play something together. But I don't play anything. +But I don't play anything. Don't play anything! Dear me. Everyone should be able to make some music. Why, it's life! - Rhythm and harmony - That's the cosmic dance. Come with me. +Okay? Superb. +I think he's following us. Is he? Ah, the police. Always wanting to play games. Well, here goes. +He's stopped. The old double U-turn. Gets them every time. +"There. Oh, I like the feel of soil, don't you? And the smell. It's the earth. ""The earth is my body. My head is in the stars."" Who said that?" I don't know. +I don't know. I suppose I did. Well, farewell little tree. Grow up tall, and change, and fall to replenish the earth. Isn't it wonderful, Harold? All around us. Living things. +Oh, those motorcycles are awfully chilly. Yeah. And it is cold in here. Hello, Glaucus. +I think I see it. Yes. It's almost there. +The ice is melting. Yes. +Yes. Don't you think we should turn off the heat? +Don't you think we should turn off the heat? Why? There'll be a new block of ice in the morning. +I like Glaucus. Yes, so do I. But I think he is a little... old-fashioned. Like a puff, Harold? +Yes, so do I. But I think he is a little... old-fashioned. Like a puff, Harold? Well, I really don't smoke. +Well, I really don't smoke. It's all right. It's organic. +It's all right. It's organic. I'm sure picking up on vices. +I'm sure picking up on vices. "Vice? Virtue? It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. As Confucius says, ""Don't simply be good. Make good things happen.""" +"Vice? Virtue? It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. As Confucius says, ""Don't simply be good. Make good things happen.""" Did Confucius say that? +Did Confucius say that? Well -- - they say he was very wise, so I'm sure he must have. +Well -- - they say he was very wise, so I'm sure he must have. You are the wisest person I know. +You are the wisest person I know. "Me! When I look around me I know I know nothing. I remember though, once long ago in Persia, we met a wise man in the bazaar. He was a professional and used to sell his wisdom to anyone willing to pay. His specialty for tourists was a maxim engraved on the head of a pin. ""The wisest,"" he said, ""the truest, the most instructive words for all men at all times."" Frederick bought one for me and back at the hotel I peered through a magnifying glass to read the words - ""And this too shall pass away."" Well, the wise man was right - if you remember that, you can't help but live life fully." +"Me! When I look around me I know I know nothing. I remember though, once long ago in Persia, we met a wise man in the bazaar. He was a professional and used to sell his wisdom to anyone willing to pay. His specialty for tourists was a maxim engraved on the head of a pin. ""The wisest,"" he said, ""the truest, the most instructive words for all men at all times."" Frederick bought one for me and back at the hotel I peered through a magnifying glass to read the words - ""And this too shall pass away."" Well, the wise man was right - if you remember that, you can't help but live life fully." Yes. I haven't lived. I've died a few times. +Yes. I haven't lived. I've died a few times. What was that? +What was that? Died! Seventeen times - not counting maiming. Shot myself in the face once with a popgun and a pellet of blood. +Died! Seventeen times - not counting maiming. Shot myself in the face once with a popgun and a pellet of blood. How ingenious! Tell me about them. +How ingenious! Tell me about them. Well, it's a question of timing, and the right equipment, and plenty of patience... You really want to hear about this? +Well, it's a question of timing, and the right equipment, and plenty of patience... You really want to hear about this? Of course. +Of course. Okay. +"Yes. I understand. A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead really. They're just backing away from life. They're players - but they sit on the bench. The game goes on before them. At any moment they can join in. Reach out! Take a chance! Get hurt maybe. But play as well as you can. Go team, go! Give me an ""L."" Give me an ""I."" Give me a ""V."" Give me an ""E."" LIVE!!!!! Otherwise you'll have nothing to talk about in the locker room." I like you, Maude. +I like you, Maude. I like you, Harold. Come, I'll teach you to waltz. +Look at that sky. It's so big. It's so blue. +It's so blue. And beyond the blue is the blackness of the cosmos. +And beyond the blue is the blackness of the cosmos. Spreckled with uncountable stars. The stars are shining right now. We just can't see them. Just another instance of all that's going on that is beyond human perception. +Spreckled with uncountable stars. The stars are shining right now. We just can't see them. Just another instance of all that's going on that is beyond human perception. Maude, do you pray? +Maude, do you pray? Pray? No. I communicate. +Pray? No. I communicate. With God? +With God? With Life. +This is really nice. Makes me feel like a kid. I want to do somersaults . Well, why don't you? +Well, why don't you? No. I'd feel stupid. +No. I'd feel stupid. Harold, everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You just can't let the world judge you too much. +Want to join me in some cartwheels? No. I feel more like - yodeling. +No. I feel more like - yodeling. Yodeling? +"It's sinking, Harold. Going over the horizon - where we are all going to go. It's getting dark. ""Let each man hold on to his candle and get a light where'er he can.""" Where's that? +Where's that? From the guys who got the matches, of course. +From the guys who got the matches, of course. Boy! It sure has been a wonderful day. And you - you are beautiful. +Oh, Harold. You make me feel like a schoolgirl. Shall I drop by tomorrow? Oh, I have a luncheon date. With this girl. +Shall I drop by tomorrow? Oh, I have a luncheon date. With this girl. Oh. +Oh. I've never met her. My mother set it up. +I've never met her. My mother set it up. Well, be kind. I've lived a long time, Harold, seen evil as well as good, and it has been my experience that kindness... +Maude, I must speak to you. What is it, Harold? +What is it, Harold? They're going to draft me. In the Army. I'm going to be sent away. +They're going to draft me. In the Army. I'm going to be sent away. But they can't do that. You haven't even got the vote. +But they can't do that. You haven't even got the vote. But they have. +But they have. Well, don't go. +But they'll put me in jail. Really. Just put it there, Harold. +They'd put you in jail, eh? Well, historically you'd be in very good company. That's what my husband used to say when we were in the French Underground dealing with the Gestapo. Would you like to do a little raking? Work, I'm told, done with no selfish interest, purifies the mind. You sink your separate self and become one with the universal self. On the other hand, senseless labor is a bloody bore and should be scrupulously avoided. Maude, do you think you can help me? +Maude, do you think you can help me? What? With your skill and my experience... I think we can come up with something. +Don't you talk to me like that, you little foul mouth degenerate! Really, sir, I thought that you at least... Traitor! Benedict Arnold! Remember Nathan Hale, right, sir? +Don't you advance on me. ... of you. You'll all end up like this. +Just like this. Give me that. I'm going to throw it in the sewer where it belongs. +Give me that. I'm going to throw it in the sewer where it belongs. She took my head. +That wasn't very scary. No. It had nothing on this afternoon. +No. It had nothing on this afternoon. Oh, you weren't scared. +Oh, you weren't scared. Scared? Swimming underwater with that oxygen device of yours. I was petrified. +Scared? Swimming underwater with that oxygen device of yours. I was petrified. Come on, you loved it. It was a new experience. +How about some candy floss? Right on! It wouldn't be a celebration without it. +You sure have a way with people. Well, they're my species. +Look at the stars. Yes. They're old friends. +Yes. They're old friends. Do you think there is any life up there? +Do you think there is any life up there? I don't know. Perhaps. +I don't know. Perhaps. Science thinks there isn't. That we are all alone in the universe. +Science thinks there isn't. That we are all alone in the universe. We are alone - you and me and everybody. But we can look at those stars and maybe someone down the beach or across the sea in China is looking at them, too. Someone we don't know and most likely will never see - that someone is breathing along with us. And the star- gazers of the past - from peasant to princes - and the star-gazers of the future - all of us breathing and looking up there. We are alone - but look at the stars and never feel lonely. +We are alone - you and me and everybody. But we can look at those stars and maybe someone down the beach or across the sea in China is looking at them, too. Someone we don't know and most likely will never see - that someone is breathing along with us. And the star- gazers of the past - from peasant to princes - and the star-gazers of the future - all of us breathing and looking up there. We are alone - but look at the stars and never feel lonely. You should have been a poet. +You should have been a poet. Oh, no. But I should have liked to have been an astronaut. A private astronaut able to just go out and explore. Like the men who sailed with Magellan, I want to see if we really can fall off the edge of the world. What a joke it will be if like them I - +- end where I began. Maude. +Maude. Yes. +Yes. Here. +Why are there no photographs in these frames? I took them out. +I took them out. Why? +Why? They mocked me. They were representations of people I dearly loved yet they knew these people were gradually fading from me, and that in time all I would have left would be vague feelings - but sharp photographs! So I tossed them out. My memory fades, I know. But I prefer pictures made by me with feeling, and not by Kodak with silver nitrate. +They mocked me. They were representations of people I dearly loved yet they knew these people were gradually fading from me, and that in time all I would have left would be vague feelings - but sharp photographs! So I tossed them out. My memory fades, I know. But I prefer pictures made by me with feeling, and not by Kodak with silver nitrate. I'll never forget you, Maude. But I would like a photo of you. +It looks like you. Thanks. Harold, that picture is almost twenty-five years old. +Harold, that picture is almost twenty-five years old. You haven't changed a bit. I'll put it in my wallet. +I was remembering how much this meant to me. It was after the war... I had nothing... except my life. How different I was then - and yet how the same. You've never cried before. I never thought you would. I thought, despite anything, you could always be happy. +You've never cried before. I never thought you would. I thought, despite anything, you could always be happy. Oh, Harold. You are so young. +Supper for two. Oh, you've thought of everything. And champagne. +Oh, you've thought of everything. And champagne. It's all right. It's organic. +It's all right. It's organic. Oh, Harold. +Oh, Harold. For you. +... which I hope will make you very happy. Oh, I am happy, Harold. Ecstatically happy. I couldn't imagine a lovelier farewell. +Oh, I am happy, Harold. Ecstatically happy. I couldn't imagine a lovelier farewell. Farewell? +Farewell? Why yes. It's my eightieth birthday. +Why yes. It's my eightieth birthday. But you're not going anywhere, are you? +But you're not going anywhere, are you? Oh yes, dear. I took the pills an hour ago. I should be gone by midnight. +Oh, Harold! What a fuss this is. So unnecessary. Maude, please. Don't die. I couldn't bear it. Please, don't die. +Maude, please. Don't die. I couldn't bear it. Please, don't die. But, Harold, we begin to die as soon as we are born. What is so strange about death? It's no surprise. It's part of life. It's change. +But, Harold, we begin to die as soon as we are born. What is so strange about death? It's no surprise. It's part of life. It's change. But why now? +But why now? I thought eighty was a good round number. +I feel giddy. But Maude, you don't understand. I love you. Do you hear me? I've never said that to anyone in my life before. You're the first. Maude. Please don't leave me. +But Maude, you don't understand. I love you. Do you hear me? I've never said that to anyone in my life before. You're the first. Maude. Please don't leave me. Oh, Harold, don't upset yourself so. +Oh, Harold, don't upset yourself so. It's true. I can't live without you. +It's true. I can't live without you. """And this too shall pass away.""" +"""And this too shall pass away.""" Never! Never! I'll never forget you. I wanted to marry you. Don't you understand! I love you. I love you! +Never! Never! I'll never forget you. I wanted to marry you. Don't you understand! I love you. I love you! Oh! That's wonderful, Harold. Go - and love some more. +Chardin. Dame Marjorie. But you may call me Maude. Please! She has got to see a doctor right away. +Please, don't you realize? She is dying. Well, not dying, actually. I'm changing. You know, like from winter to spring. Of course, it is a big step to take. +"Of course, Harold's father had a similar sense of the absurd. I remember once in Paris he stepped out for cigarettes and the next I hear he's arrested for floating nude down the Seine - experimenting in river currents with a pair of yellow rubber water wings. Well, that cost quite a little bit of ""enfluence"" and ""d'argent"" to hush up, I can tell you. Harold, dear, stop playing with your food. Don't you feel well?" I have a sore throat. +I have a sore throat. Well, I want you to go to bed directly after dinner. You know how susceptible you are to colds. Harold has always been a delicate child. Even as a baby he seemed to be abnormally prone to illness - Harold, dear, eat up your beets... +Mother. Not now, Harold... You can't put me down for Monday? +Not now, Harold... You can't put me down for Monday? Mother. +Mother. Harold, please! I'm on the phone. +Harold, please! I'm on the phone. Mother. I'm going to get married. +Mother. I'm going to get married. Fay, I'll call you back. What did you say? +Fay, I'll call you back. What did you say? I'm getting married. +I'm getting married. To whom? +To whom? To a girl. Here. +I suppose you think this is very funny, Harold. What? +What? A sunflower? +Love? Love? What do you know about her? Where does she come from? Where did you meet her? At a funeral. +At a funeral. Oh... That's wonderful... I get an eighty-year-old pallbearer for a daughter-in-law! Be reasonable, Harold! You're dealing with your life! What will people say?! +Oh... That's wonderful... I get an eighty-year-old pallbearer for a daughter-in-law! Be reasonable, Harold! You're dealing with your life! What will people say?! I don't care what people say. +I don't care what people say. "You don't care! ""Miss Shroud of 1890 Weds the Boy of a Thousand Deaths!"" Listen to me..." +I'm going to marry the woman I love. Harold! +This is insane. Perhaps it is. +How do you do? Can't complain. +Would you like a cigarette? No, thank you. They stain my fingers. +Is Sunshine your real name? "Well, actually, it was the name of my drama teacher - Louis Sunshine. Perhaps you've heard of him. He was such an influence on the development of my instrument. That means my body - in theatre talk. Well, when I came to Hollywood I felt the need to express the emerging me in a new form, so I took on ""Sunshine."" Dore is my real name... Well, Dore, actually. My, what a lovely place you have here." +Do you play? No. I'm learning the banjo. Do you? +No. I'm learning the banjo. Do you? Oh, I studied the guitar. I had to give it up. Gave me calluses on my fingers. As an actress I can't afford to have a tarnished instrument. +Oh, is this your father? No. My uncle. +No. My uncle. "Oh, he's in the Army. I do so like the military, don't you? Those uniforms make men look so virile. I did ""What Price Glory?"" in summer stock. I played Charmaine - with a French accent." +This one is particularly interesting. It's a hari-kari blade. Ohhh. What's hari-kari? +Ohhh. What's hari-kari? An ancient Japanese ceremony. +An ancient Japanese ceremony. Like a tea ceremony? +Like a tea ceremony? No. Like this. +Tell me, Harold, how many of these, eh, suicides have you performed? An accurate number would be difficult to gauge. +An accurate number would be difficult to gauge. And why is that? +And why is that? Well, some worked out better than others - some had to be abandoned in the planning stages - do you include the first time? - then there's the question of maiming... +Well, some worked out better than others - some had to be abandoned in the planning stages - do you include the first time? - then there's the question of maiming... Just give me a rough estimate. +Just give me a rough estimate. Well, a rough estimate... I'd say fifteen. +Well, a rough estimate... I'd say fifteen. Fifteen. +Fifteen. A rough estimate. +A rough estimate. And were they all done for your mother's benefit? +And were they all done for your mother's benefit? "I wouldn't say ""benefit.""" +"I wouldn't say ""benefit.""" No, I suppose not. How do you feel about your mother? +I don't think I'm getting through to Mother like I used to. Does that worry you? +Does that worry you? Yes. It does. +Yes. It does. Why? +Why? I put a lot of effort into these things. +I put a lot of effort into these things. Ah, yes. +Ah, yes. And a lot of time. +And a lot of time. I'm sure. But what else do you do with your time? Do you go to school? +I'm sure. But what else do you do with your time? Do you go to school? No. +No. What about the draft? +What about the draft? My mother spoke to my Uncle Victor. He's in the Army and he fixed it up. +My mother spoke to my Uncle Victor. He's in the Army and he fixed it up. Oh. Well, how do you spend your day? +Oh. Well, how do you spend your day? You mean when I'm not working on a... +You mean when I'm not working on a... Yes. What kind of things do you do? +I see. Junkyards. What is the fascination there? I don't know. +I don't know. Is it the machines? The noise? The people? +Is it the machines? The noise? The people? No. It's the junk. I like to look at junk. +No. It's the junk. I like to look at junk. What else do you like? +That's very interesting, Harold, and I think very illuminative. There seems to be a definite pattern emerging. Your fondness for useless machines and demolitions seems indicative of your present emotional state, your self-destructive urges and your alienation from the regular social interaction. What do you think? And of course this pattern once isolated can be coped with. Recognize the problem and you are half way on the road to its solution. But tell me, what do you do for fun? What activity gives you a different sense of enjoyment than the others? What do you find fulfilling? What gives you that certain satisfaction? I go to funerals. +Harold? Huh? +Huh? You don't seem to be listening. I asked do you have any friends? +You don't seem to be listening. I asked do you have any friends? No. +No. None at all? +None at all? Well, maybe one. +Well, maybe one. Would you care to talk about this friend? +Would you care to talk about this friend? No. +No. Is this a friend you had when you were away at school? +Is this a friend you had when you were away at school? No. +No. I see. Were you happy at school, Harold? +I see. Were you happy at school, Harold? Yes. +Yes. You liked your teachers? +You liked your teachers? Yes. +Yes. Your classmates? +Your classmates? Yes. +Yes. Your studies? +Your studies? Yes. +Yes. Then why did you leave? +Then why did you leave? I burnt down the Chemistry building. +We are not relating today, Harold. I sense a definite resistance. A lack of true and helpful communication. I find you a very interesting case, Harold, but this reluctance of yours is detrimental to the psycho-analytical process, and can only hinder the possibility of effective treatment. Do you understand? Yes. +Yes. Very well. Now your mother tells me she is arranging several dates for you with some young ladies. How do you feel about that? +I see. Tell me, Harold, do you remember your father at all? No. I'd have liked to. +No. I'd have liked to. Why? +Why? I'd have liked to talk to him. +I'd have liked to talk to him. What would you say? +What would you say? I'd show him my hearse. And my room, and stuff. +I'd show him my hearse. And my room, and stuff. What kind of stuff? +Good idea of yours to come out here, Harold. It's a lovely spot. Thank you, Uncle. +Thank you, Uncle. "Call me ""sir,"" Harold. First thing you learn in the Army - an officer deserves your respect." +"Call me ""sir,"" Harold. First thing you learn in the Army - an officer deserves your respect." Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Perfectly lovely. You know, this is what we're defending. Everything that's good and beautiful in the American way of life. Oh, there's some nut peace petitioner over there. Let's go off this way. Those crazy Commie bastards. I don't know why we tolerate 'em. Parasites. +Let's examine the facts on it. I say this country has been too harsh in its outright condemnation of war. I say you can point to many material advantages brought about by a crisis and conflict policy. Hell, World War II gave us the ballpoint pen. That's common knowledge. During wartime the national suicide rate goes down. +During wartime the national suicide rate goes down. Is that a fact? Well, that fits in right along with everything I've been saying. War is not all black. +Is that a fact? Well, that fits in right along with everything I've been saying. War is not all black. War is not all black. +And so I ask you - why the hell did we give up on the Germans? Those damn politicians in Washington chalked them up on our side and the wars ever since have been a national disgrace. Hell, look at history. The two best wars this country has fought were against the Jerries. Now I say, get the Krauts on the other side of the fence where they belong, and let's get back to the kind of enemy worth killing and the kind of war this whole country can support. Jeez, sir. That's pretty strong stuff. +"They came at me from all sides, hundreds of 'em. We kept firing - Zat-Tat-Tat-Tat! ""Throw the grenades,"" I shouted. ""Mac, throw the grenades!"" ""He's dead,"" Joe said, and kept right on feeding me bullets. Zat-Tat-Tat-Tat! They kept falling, but they kept coming. Bullets whizzing all around me. Zot! Joe falls back with a neat red hole in his head. I thought I was done for. But I kept firing. Zat-Tat-Tat! Only one thought kept me going. Kill! Kill! For Mac, and Joe, and the rest of the guys. Kill! - a blinding flash. I wake up on a stretcher. ""Did we hold?"" I asked the medic. ""Yes, sir,"" he said, and I slipped into unconsciousness." Jeez! That's a great story, +Jeez! That's a great story, Well, you'll soon have stories like that to tell of your own. +Well, you'll soon have stories like that to tell of your own. You think so, sir? +You think so, sir? Sure. Be able to tell your children. Something for them to look up to. Be proud of. +Sure. Be able to tell your children. Something for them to look up to. Be proud of. I hope so, sir. Golly I never knew it could be so exciting. +I hope so, sir. Golly I never knew it could be so exciting. It's the greatest excitement in the world. +It's the greatest excitement in the world. To pit your own life against another. +To pit your own life against another. That's right. +That's right. To kill. The taste of blood in your mouth. +To kill. The taste of blood in your mouth. The moment of truth. +The moment of truth. Another man's life in your sights. +Another man's life in your sights. Yes. +Yes. ZAT! +Will they really teach me to shoot? Oh, sure. A variety of weapons. +Oh, sure. A variety of weapons. And to use the bayonet? PACHOIE! +And to use the bayonet? PACHOIE! Oh sure. +Oh sure. How about hand-to-hand combat? +How about hand-to-hand combat? Yes. +Yes. To strangle someone. Choke him. Squeeze out his life between your hands. +To strangle someone. Choke him. Squeeze out his life between your hands. Eh? +Eh? How about to slit his throat? +How about to slit his throat? Well, I don't... +Well, I don't... I'd like that. You could see the blood squirt out. +I'd like that. You could see the blood squirt out. Harold, I think you're getting carried away here. +Harold, I think you're getting carried away here. Sir, how about souvenirs? +Sir, how about souvenirs? Souvenirs? +Souvenirs? Of your kill - ears, nose, scalp, privates. +Of your kill - ears, nose, scalp, privates. Harold! +Harold! What's the chance of getting one of these? +Boy, to think I could maybe make my own. Harold! That's disgusting! +Parasite! Harold! +Harold! Crazy parasite! Commie bastard! Get out of here. +Harold, calm down! This is... She's a Commie pig. We're going to nail every last one... +Stay where you are, Harold . She took my head. +Good afternoon, Officer. Bit of trouble here? Yes, ma'am. Somebody had some trouble parking. +Yes, ma'am. Somebody had some trouble parking. Well, it's a tricky turn. +Well, it's a tricky turn. Eh, yes, ma'm. +Eh, yes, ma'm. Tell me -- -- is that car parked all right? +Tell me -- -- is that car parked all right? Oh yes. That's fine. +Oh yes. That's fine. Well, thank you. Eh, officer, you might turn off the radio. Saves the battery. +Ah! There you are, madam. Were not you the lady who drove my car off yesterday? Was that the one with the St. Christopher medal on the dashboard? +Was that the one with the St. Christopher medal on the dashboard? Yes. +Yes. Then I suppose it was me. Get in, Harold. +Were you also the one who painted the statues? Oh, yes. How did you like that? +Oh, yes. How did you like that? Well, I didn't. +Well, I didn't. Oh, don't be too discouraged. For aesthetic appreciation - always a little time. +Oh, don't be too discouraged. For aesthetic appreciation - always a little time. But wait... +Oh, Kirsty; so eager to play, so reluctant to admit it. Perhaps you're teasing us. Are you teasing us? +It's different for us. We've always been here. +We've always been here. We have no more surprises. +Oh. No Boxes. Such a shame. No more delays, Kirsty. No more teasing. Time to play. +No more delays, Kirsty. No more teasing. Time to play. Time to play. +Well, well. All my family together again. How very sweet. Julia. +Julia. Frank. +Frank. I knew you'd come. +I knew you'd come. You knew? +You knew? Yes. You're a girl who remembers her promises. +Yes. You're a girl who remembers her promises. Oh, I do. I do. +Oh, right. Daddy's died and gone to heaven, eh? Yes! +Yes! Shit. Bull. Shit. +See? He's here. You should learn to believe your Uncle Frank. No! He SHOULDN'T be here! It SHOULD'VE been a trick! +No! He SHOULDN'T be here! It SHOULD'VE been a trick! 'Fraid not, baby. He belongs here. With me. We're the same. Brothers. Equal and opposite. Pure appetite. Pure banality. Too much feeling. None at all. +He... he loved me. Don't waste your tears. Look at him! +Daddy! Daddy! I love you! Help me! I'm your Daddy now, Kirsty. +Yes... Yes. You look... Surreal? Strange? Nightmarish? +Surreal? Strange? Nightmarish? No. You look... +It's a beautiful dress... I know. +She's done it. She certainly has. +She certainly has. It's coming. +It's coming. It certainly is. +I want to go back! Sorry, friend. No day trips to Hell. Here you are. Here you stay. And forward the only way to go. +I knew you'd come back. I'm a girl who keeps her promises. +So... You're Kirsty, huh? You a doctor, too? +Sad, huh? She's been here six months. Her name's TIFFANY. What's the matter with her? +What's the matter with her? Almost complete withdrawal. She hasn't said a word for nearly two years. +Almost complete withdrawal. She hasn't said a word for nearly two years. God, that's terrible. +God, that's terrible. Yeah. Doctor Malahide's got her doing these jig-saws and things, though. Says it's helping to bring her out. +I... I had a visitor. What? +What? Oh, Jesus. I can't explain. It's... it's. I don't know how to help! I have to save him and I don't know how to help! +Oh, Jesus. I can't explain. It's... it's. I don't know how to help! I have to save him and I don't know how to help! Kirsty, I'm sorry... don't understand. I... +Kirsty, I'm sorry... don't understand. I... I know. No-one can. But I have to save him. Where's the other doctor? He said He'd listen. He promised. +Help. No, no-one can help. I just want someone to listen or I WILL go crazy. If anyone can help, HE can. +No bad dreams. So you slept O.K.? +Well, the sofa isn't often used for sleeping on... Oh yeah? On your own a lot, Huh? +And you're sure it was a woman? God, I wish I could say no. This is going to do terrible things to my attitude, you know. +Don't worry about it. Your attitude sucks anyway. Hey, so for it. Don't let pity stop you. I'm down. Nail me. +The box. I need the box. The box? Like in your story? Like in his house? +What? The Boxes. In the House. I told you. +The Boxes. In the House. I told you. What do you mean? +What do you mean? The boxes! I TOLD you. +The boxes! I TOLD you. You DIDN'T tell me. Do you mean Malahide's got... +You DIDN'T tell me. Do you mean Malahide's got... Yeah. The things you were talking about. +Get out of the way. Are you crazy? +Are you crazy? I don't know, Kyle. You're the fucking expert. Now get out of the way! +I don't know, Kyle. You're the fucking expert. Now get out of the way! WHY? +WHY? Because I'm going to get my father! +O.K. Let's go. Kyle, you don't have... +Kyle, you don't have... I KNOW I don't have to. It's just my time of the month to be a complete fucking idiot. O.K.? +I have to go back. Or it'll never stop. What are you talking... +What are you talking... I've got to finish it. +I've got to finish it. Finish what? +I'm scared. No. Don't let it. You've come this far. +Well... G'bye. It's been Hell. +But I didn't open it! I didn't! Then why are you here? +Then why are you here? I've come for my father! +But it's true, he is his own Hell. Just as you are in yours. And what about you? +Wait! No more deals, Kirsty. It's your flesh we want to experience, not your skill at bargaining. +No more deals, Kirsty. It's your flesh we want to experience, not your skill at bargaining. No deals! Just information. Information. Free of charge. No strings. Just information. +No deals! Just information. Information. Free of charge. No strings. Just information. Go on. But trick us again, child, and your suffering will be legendary even in Hell. +What is this? Someone else you think escaped us, like Frank? No, No, this one didn't escape. You told me you'd always been in Hell. You were wrong. Look at it. LOOK. IT'S YOU. +No, No, this one didn't escape. You told me you'd always been in Hell. You were wrong. Look at it. LOOK. IT'S YOU. Nonsense, I... +Nonsense, I... It's you! You HAVEN'T always been as you are. You were HUMAN. Remember. Remember all your confusions. Think! +I... remember. You were ALL human! +Where am I? You're in the Malahide Institute. It's a psychiatric hospital. But, hey, don't feel judged -- it was just the nearest place to bring you. Remember? You and your boyfriend...? +You're in the Malahide Institute. It's a psychiatric hospital. But, hey, don't feel judged -- it was just the nearest place to bring you. Remember? You and your boyfriend...? Steve... +Steve... Don't worry. He's O.K. We sent him home hours ago. Jeez, what a story. +What was it, kid? Smack? Angel dust? Don't tell me acid's back in fashion? What are you talking about? Who are you? +What are you talking about? Who are you? Oh, excuse me... +I thought Steve had talked to you? Oh, pardon me. I obviously didn't convey my hesitation to take his story at face-value. No, YOU talk to me. But -- do me a favor? -- none of this DEMONS crap. +He talked about Demons, huh? Yeah. +What the hell are you asking me for? Tag it. Move it. The mattress... The mattress... JULIA. +Easy, easy. Whatever happened, whatever you saw, it's not here now. I saw it... him. But I got away. And I took the box. And I solved it. And they came. +I saw it... him. But I got away. And I took the box. And I solved it. And they came. Who? +Who? The Cenobites. +"I need to touch it to ""see""..." See what?? +See what?? The past, the future, whatever this object holds. +The past, the future, whatever this object holds. Is he serious?? +Is he serious?? Don't worry about fingerprints. I never had any. +They were over here, Professor. Oooh!! Who was here? Nixon? Houdini? You mind sharing your mystic insights? +Look at them ugly suckers, Blue. One sheet of glass between them and us. Story of my life. +Story of my life. I break it, they see us, Happy Halloween. No more hiding. Outside. I could be outside -- +I break it, they see us, Happy Halloween. No more hiding. Outside. I could be outside -- You mean, outside... with her. +Don't get psychic with me. Nothing psychic about it. You're easy. +How am I ever gonna get a girl?? I drive around in a garbage truck Liz left us, Red. Take the hint. +Liz left us, Red. Take the hint. We don't take hints. +Would'ya look at this babies? Made 'em myself. Holy water, silver shavings, white oak: the works. Behind this door. A dark entity -- Evil, ancient and hungry. +Hey. Stinky. Kitchen's closed. Whatcha havin'? Six library guards, raw? Plus belts and boots? Man, you're gonna need some heavy fiber to move that out -- Red, I found something -- +Nah -- he's taken care of. No, listen this: Sammael, the desolate one, lord of the shadows, son of Nergal -- +You were burned by some organic acid. I'm lucky that way. +Red. How long was it latched onto you? I dunno, maybe five seconds -- ow! +Touched you five seconds. Laid three eggs. Didn't even buy me a drink. +Remind me why I keep doing this. Rotten eggs and the safety of mankind. +Rotten eggs and the safety of mankind. Oh, right -- +That's all for you, Sammy. Red -- you need to hear the rest of the information -- +hound of resurrection -- See? I don't like that -- +See? I don't like that -- -- Hound of resurrection? +harbinger of pestilence, seed of destruction -- Skip to the end, willya? How do I kill it -- ? +Skip to the end, willya? How do I kill it -- ? It doesn't say -- +This is an important mission, Sgt. Whitman. I hope you realize that. Oh -- you don't wanna know what I think. Topside, now. +Sgt. Whitman!! Sgt. Whitman!! May I have a word?? What is it? +What is it? In private, if you don't mind... +You are a Catholic?? Amongst other things, yes -- but that's hardly the point. +Here. You'll need one of these. I abhor violence. Sergeant Whitman, I hope you don't think me mad -- +I abhor violence. Sergeant Whitman, I hope you don't think me mad -- "Three days too late for that one, ""professor.""" +You're wasting our time: There's nothing on this island but sheep and rocks. Ruins. Not rocks. The remains of Trondham Abbey. Built on an intersection of Ley Lines, the boundaries between our world and the other -- +Ruins. Not rocks. The remains of Trondham Abbey. Built on an intersection of Ley Lines, the boundaries between our world and the other -- What a load of crap. Hell, a week ago I hadn't even heard the word parabnormal -- +What a load of crap. Hell, a week ago I hadn't even heard the word parabnormal -- """Paranormal"" But -- you read the transmission." +"""Paranormal"" But -- you read the transmission." Half transmission. Nonsense -- German ghost stories! +Half transmission. Nonsense -- German ghost stories! I have seen ghosts, Whitman. +I have seen ghosts, Whitman. Oh, I'll bet you have. +The freak in the gas mask -- Karl Ruprecht Kroenen, one of the Reich's top Scientists. Head of the Thule Occult Society. +If he's here, this is worse than I thought. Air and sea backup. What's closest? +Cordon off the area. Something came through. From where??!! +It's almost over!! No. It's not. +Do you believe in hell? There is a place -- a dark place where evil slumbers and awaits to return. From there it infects our dreams. Our thoughts. Grigory gave us a glance tonight -- +There is a place -- a dark place where evil slumbers and awaits to return. From there it infects our dreams. Our thoughts. Grigory gave us a glance tonight -- Grigory -- That's Russian, right? Thought they were on our side... +Grigory -- That's Russian, right? Thought they were on our side... Grigory Yefimovich Rasputin -- +Grigory Yefimovich Rasputin -- C'mon -- Rasputin?? +C'mon -- Rasputin?? Spiritual advisor to the Romanovs. In 1916, at a dinner in his honor, he was poisoned, shot, stabbed, clubbed, drowned and castrated. +Spiritual advisor to the Romanovs. In 1916, at a dinner in his honor, he was poisoned, shot, stabbed, clubbed, drowned and castrated. That makes him more than a hundred -- +What the hell was that? An ape? No. It was red. Bright red. +It's got a big stone -- in its hand -- I think that is its hand. +Every time the media get a look at him, they come to me. I'm running out of lies, Trevor. I thought you liked being on TV. +I thought you liked being on TV. I do. How many escapes? This year alone: five! +I do. How many escapes? This year alone: five! Tom -- he's our guest, not a prisoner. +Tom -- he's our guest, not a prisoner. "Your ""guest"" happens to be six foot five, bright red, and is government funded." +"Your ""guest"" happens to be six foot five, bright red, and is government funded." He's just going through a phase -- +These freaks, Trevor, they give me the creeps. And I'm not the only one. You're up for review. You and your petting zoo. I know where to find him. I'll get him back. +A 16th century statue was destroyed. Saint Dionysius the Aeropagite. Who wards off demons. +Who wards off demons. Smuggled into this country by an overzealous curator. The statue, however, was hollow -- +Smuggled into this country by an overzealous curator. The statue, however, was hollow -- Reliquary -- +Reliquary -- A prison. The Vatican deemed its contents dangerous enough to include it on the List of Avignon. Of which we hold a copy. +Son. About Rasputin -- Don't worry. I'll get him soon enough -- +Don't worry. I'll get him soon enough -- Listen to me. This time is different. There's more at stake than ever before. +Listen to me. This time is different. There's more at stake than ever before. How hard can it be? I punched the crap out of that thing that he sent -- ouch!! +How hard can it be? I punched the crap out of that thing that he sent -- ouch!! I worry about you. +I worry about you. Me?? C'mon -- +Me?? C'mon -- Well, I won't be around forever, you know? +Well, I won't be around forever, you know? Oh, stop that -- Damn! Be careful, there -- +Don't look! Turn around. Is it bad? +How many buildings does she have to burn? She belongs here! That's not how she feels. She may never feel it. +It's her choice -- She's human -- Oh, as opposed to -- ? +They took his name from this little inscription that was stuck on his tank. Icthyo Sapiens, April 14, 1865. +Icthyo Sapiens, April 14, 1865. "The day Abraham Lincoln died. Hence ""Abe"" Sapien." +How does he know so much about me? "Abe possesses a unique frontal lobe. ""Unique."" That's a word you'll hear quite a bit around here." +"Abe possesses a unique frontal lobe. ""Unique."" That's a word you'll hear quite a bit around here." Where am I -- exactly, Sir? +Where am I -- exactly, Sir? As you entered the lobby there was an inscription -- +As you entered the lobby there was an inscription -- On the desk, yes. In Latin. +On the desk, yes. In Latin. Impressive. Do you remember what it said? +Impressive. Do you remember what it said? """In absentia luci, tenebrae vinciunt...""" +"""In absentia luci, tenebrae vinciunt...""" """In the absence of light, darkness prevails."" For there are things that go bump in the night, Agent Myers. We are the ones who bump back." +1958, the occult war finally ends when Adolf Hitler dies. 1945, you mean. Hitler died in '45. +1945, you mean. Hitler died in '45. Did he, now? +I'm in way over my head, I know that much. You're doing fine. +And as a father, I worry about him. In medieval stories, Agent Myers, there's often a young knight, inexperienced but pure of heart... "Oh, please. I'm not ""pure of heart.""" +Who's the squirt? Agent Myers is your new liaison. +Agent Myers is your new liaison. Got tired of me? +Got tired of me? Nah. I'll be around, Red, just back in the field. +I don't want him. Manning says I'm too soft on you -- The candy. Give him the candy. +Well, you did break out -- I wanted to see her. It's nobody's business. +I wanted to see her. It's nobody's business. It is. You got yourself on TV again. +It is. You got yourself on TV again. """Myers"", huh? You have a first name??" +"""Myers"", huh? You have a first name??" Try not to stare. He hates when people stare. +Hey, hey, hey. They're playing our song. We're on the move. +We're on the move. C'mon, Champ! Happy Halloween!!! You're taking me for a walk! +At nineteen hundred hours an alarm tripped. B&E. Robbery. Six guards dead -- Hold on -- hold on -- I thought we checked this place. Fakes, and reproductions. +C'mon, champ. You look a little woozy, there. This -- ? This is nothing. You know what'll kill me? Her. +They're not speaking. Professor Broom had him grounded. Grounded? Who's grounded? +Grounded? Who's grounded? Okay. You saw the fish man, right? +He gets fed six times a day. He's got a thing for cats. You'll be his nanny, his keeper, his best friend. He never goes out unsupervised -- Who?! +Oh, Jesus!! Hellboy -- ?? Is real -- Yup. Sixty years old by our count. But he doesn't age like we do -- think dog years: He's barely out of his teens. +Uh-oh -- John. Staring at what? "His horns. He files 'em. To ""fit in.""" +"His horns. He files 'em. To ""fit in.""" His what??!! +Sir, may I go first?? Not so fast. He barely knows him -- +That voice -- I sang the first lullaby you ever heard, my child. I ushered you into this world. I alone know your true calling, your true name. +I sang the first lullaby you ever heard, my child. I ushered you into this world. I alone know your true calling, your true name. Don't tell me, it's Zeppo. +She's dead. Noooo! Noooo!!! +"Names hold the power and nature of things. Mine for example. Rasputin: ""The crossroads."" And crossroads I have become. Your true name: Anung-un-Rama. Repeat it. Become the key." Anung-un-Rama... +You will never fulfill your destiny. You will never understand the power inside you. I can live with that. +But not everyone was so lucky. Two agents died today. Clay probably won't survive the night. You're reckless. I knew those men better than you did -- +I knew those men better than you did -- Ah, I see. That makes it all alright then. +No, it doesn't make it right, but I stopped that creature, didn't I? That's what you do. That's why we need you. You have an insight. You know monsters. +That's what you do. That's why we need you. You have an insight. You know monsters. What are you trying to say? +What are you trying to say? In the end, after you've killed and captured every freak out there -- there's still one left: you. +In the end, after you've killed and captured every freak out there -- there's still one left: you. I wish I could be more gracious but -- +"""One falls, two shall arise."" So: you pop one, two come out. You kill two, you get four. You kill four, you're in trouble. We have to nail 'em all at once. And the eggs." When we do: No mumbo-jumbo. Double- core Vulcan-65 grenades. +We've installed a very handy timer. Set it, walk away. Cable pulls the safety pins, K-boom! Easy to clean, easy to use... Those things never work. Never. +Those things never work. Never. Each of us gets a belt. +Each of us gets a belt. I won't take 'em. They never work. +We should go back -- you -- you could tear that door apart -- Don't move. We -- +Don't move. We -- -- should go back. Now! +-- should go back. Now! No. Don't -- +No. Don't -- I'm in charge. We go back! +You'd better stay here. I'll find a way out. We'll come back for you. You call that thing a cigar?? +You call that thing a cigar?? Yup. +Yup. You never, ever light a cigar that way. +Thank you. My job. +You're kidding -- Those comics -- They never got the eyes right. +Oh. Uh. Hello. I -- I have these. For you. Father's back? Still angry? +Whatcha looking at, John?? Oh-n-no -- I -- +Helping you -- I just -- No one ever helps me. It's my job. +Myers??? How's your arm? My arm is fine. Where are you?? +I just fried Stinky. Tell Father I'll be home. He shouldn't wait up. Wait -- Wait -- You can't go anywhere -- I gotta go with you -- +Wait -- Wait -- You can't go anywhere -- I gotta go with you -- No, no, no, it's fine: I do my job, I take a break. +No, no, no, it's fine: I do my job, I take a break. No. Stop. Don't do this -- Listen to me -- Tell me where you are -- +No. Stop. Don't do this -- Listen to me -- Tell me where you are -- Myers? +Myers? Yes? +Yes? Goodbye. +What took you so long? C'mon, time to go home. Tape you up. +C'mon, time to go home. Tape you up. What are you, a Boy Scout? +What are you, a Boy Scout? No. I never was. +No. I never was. Could've fooled me. Go away. +You want me to hold him down? That's right, Stud, hold me down. +Down there. Did you ever loose track of him? Well, let's see -- there was that moment, when I had a train on top of my head -- +"Mmmh -- ""Pamcakes."" We're going out --" Professor, that girl you were talking about -- +Professor, that girl you were talking about -- Hey. You: think twice -- +Hey. You: think twice -- I think I can help -- Talk to her -- I can bring her back. +I think I can help -- Talk to her -- I can bring her back. "What landed you this job, pushing ""pamcakes""? Punctuality? What was your area of expertise?" +What was that?? Hostage negotiations. +Where do you -- Shh! Just a second. +"Myers, you're a talker. What's a good word -- a solid word for ""need"" --" """Need"" is a good, solid word." +"""Need"" is a good, solid word." "Nah, sounds too ""needy.""" +"Nah, sounds too ""needy.""" Start in, you got nachos coming. +Hey, your chili's getting cold -- Not hungry. +Anything else you -- Not from you. +Not from you. Well good n- +Well good n- Good night. +Are you sure about this? On a scale of one to ten: two. But -- -- she'll take care of you, Myers. She's a tough one. +Keep her safe. No matter what. I'll deal with whatever's back there. Alone? +Alone? How big can it be? +You better have that looked at. Just a scratch. I wanted to see you. +We miss you at the Bureau. Abe's crazier every day. And Father's still mad at me -- Come back, Liz. Come back. I -- No. Not this time, H.B. It's been months since I've had an episode. And you know what? I'm learning to control it. +Goodnight, then. Goodnight. +Um... Liz -- I -- there's something I'd like you to -- something I need you to hear. Well. Is it long?? I'm going out, but -- +Well. Is it long?? I'm going out, but -- Out? Out out? +Out? Out out? For a cup of coffee, but go ahead, read. +For a cup of coffee, but go ahead, read. You're going alone? +You're going alone? No. Myers is taking me. +It's nothing. Just a list -- It's not finished -- Oh, okay then. Maybe later then. +Hi. I've changed my mind. I'll come to Moscow. If you -- are still going -- +But I understand what you don't like about me. I do. What I am makes you feel out of place -- out there -- Red, I -- +Red, I -- Listen. I'm not like Myers. He makes you feel like you belong. And -- that's good. It really is. I -- wish I could do something about this -- But I can't. I can promise you only two things... One: I'll always look this good. Two: I won't give up on you. Ever. +Listen. I'm not like Myers. He makes you feel like you belong. And -- that's good. It really is. I -- wish I could do something about this -- But I can't. I can promise you only two things... One: I'll always look this good. Two: I won't give up on you. Ever. I like that... +I like that... Good. +Okay, someone's expecting us. Turn on your locators -- Anyone sees anything... Marco... +Marco... ...Polo. +Liz -- can I call you Liz? It's a beautiful name -- "60% OF THE WOMEN IN THIS WORLD ARE NAMED ""LIZ""." +"60% OF THE WOMEN IN THIS WORLD ARE NAMED ""LIZ""." It's still impressive by my standards: My name's John. +Dr. Broom asked me to invite you back to the Bureau. No special precautions, no security escorts. You and me in a taxi. Like regular folks. Doesn't sounds like him. +Doesn't sounds like him. Miss Sherman, he's asking you back, but it's entirely your choice. +I admire him. He's a force of nature. He's just pushy. +He's just pushy. No... He's determined. Unstoppable -- +No... He's determined. Unstoppable -- Cocky. +Cocky. Strong. +Strong. A brute. +A brute. My uncle used to say... we like people for their qualities but love them for their defects. +He -- loves you. I know. +I know. What about you? +What about you? Don't know. Really. I grew up with him. I've missed him too, but now, every time I see him, I get confused. Hardly a day goes by he's not in my mind. Even now, I feel he's here -- +It's freezing, isn't it? Coffee's warming me up. +But it's not true, is it? What -- ? +What -- ? That you feel that way about me. +That you feel that way about me. You want to know -- Now -- ? Here? Red, white, whatever -- Guys are all the same. +Hit me. What? +Hello, I'm -- -- Late. Five minutes late. +-- Late. Five minutes late. Yes, I -- +Yes, I -- -- Section fifty-one. Step back. +-- Section fifty-one. Step back. Pardon? +Pardon? Two steps back, please. +Wait! Wait! Watch the fucking paint work. Look, do you want the bed in or not? +Look, do you want the bed in or not? Just take it slowly. +Just take it slowly. Oh, sod you. +Christ! What's the problem? +What's the problem? My fucking hand! +You fucking ass-holes. Who are you calling a fucking ass- hole? It's this bastard bed that's your fucking problem! +It's my lucky day. Hi. +Hi. Want to buy a bed? +Want to buy a bed? Not much. +What's happening? We're leaving. +We're leaving. Where's my father? +Will you sign for the bed? Sure. +Eh, Chas, slow it down like the man says. It'll go in. +Alright, let's give it another try. Do you really need this bed, lady? +That your daughter? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Got her mother's looks. +Got her mother's looks. Her mother's dead. +Oh. Julia's my second wife. +Julia's my second wife. Lucky man. +Lucky man. Damn right. Now are we going to move the bed or not? +The box... you opened it. We came. It's just a puzzle box. +It's just a puzzle box. It's a means to summon us -- it's called the Lament Configuration. +It's a means to summon us -- it's called the Lament Configuration. Who are you? +Who are you? Cenobites. Explorers in the further regions of experience. Demons to some. Angels to others. +Cenobites. Explorers in the further regions of experience. Demons to some. Angels to others. Well, I didn't mean to open that thing. You can go back wherever you came from. +This isn't for real. You solved the box. We came. Now you must come with us. Taste our pleasures. +He doesn't see us, or hear us. We belong to you, Kirsty. And you to us. No! +Let me alone, will you? No tears please. It's a waste of good suffering. +No time for argument. You did this before, right? +You did this before, right? Many times. +Many times. To a man called Frank Cotton? +Nobody escapes us. HE did. I've seen him. +Suppose he HAD slipped us. What significance has that? I could lead you right to him. You could take him back to Hell instead of me. +We want the man who did this -- No. That wasn't the deal. +Just in time. Stay the fuck away from me. +We've got such sights to show you -- You can keep them. +Please. Get back into bed. I have to speak to my father. +I have to speak to my father. That's easily arranged. But first, back into bed. +That's easily arranged. But first, back into bed. It's important. +It's important. You took quite a beating. You must lie down. +Please listen to me -- First things first. You can have a telephone when we've talked. Do you know who did this to you? +You were holding onto it like grim death. I don't remember. +I don't remember. Well the police are going to want to speak to you. You know that. +Well the police are going to want to speak to you. You know that. Oh Christ. +Oh Christ. We'll get you a phone as long as you promise to stay put. +Julia! Kirsty? +Kirsty. It's Frank. It's Uncle Frank. No. +No. You remember. +You remember. No. +No. Come to Daddy. +Don't touch me. Or so help me -- What? What will you do? What CAN you do? There's nothing to be frightened of. +I bet you make your Daddy proud, don't you? Beautiful. This isn't happening. +This isn't happening. I used to tell myself that. Used to try and pretend I was dreaming all the pain. But why kid yourself? Some things have to be endured. Take it from me. And that makes the pleasures so much sweeter... +No. One last time. Give me the box. +One last time. Give me the box. You want it? +Come to Daddy. This isn't happening. +This isn't happening. Some things have to be endured... +Oh my God. Don't mourn him. He was dead long before we laid a finger on him. +You bastard -- Poor baby. +Poor baby. Bastard. +Bastard. Hush now. It's all right Frank's here. +Hush now. It's all right Frank's here. Frank -- +Frank -- That's right. This is Frank you're talking to, remember? FRANK. +You're Julia, right? That's right. Who are you? +That's right. Who are you? I'm brother Frank. +I'm brother Frank. Oh. +Oh. I came for the wedding. +There is going to BE a wedding? Oh. Oh yes. +Oh. Oh yes. Well can I come in or not? +Well can I come in or not? I'm sorry. Of course. You're very welcome. +Well? I don't want to see the dress. +I don't want to see the dress. But you said -- +But you said -- I don't want to see the dress. +What about Larry -- Forget him. +Wedded bliss? I'm very happy. +I'm very happy. Sure you are. +Julia. Oh my God. +Oh my God. Don't look at me. +Don't look at me. Who are you? +Who are you? I said: don't look. +Help me. Tell me who you are. +Tell me who you are. Frank. +No. God no. Believe me. It's me. It's really me. +Believe me. It's me. It's really me. What happened to you? +What happened to you? His blood... on the floor... It brought me back. +His blood... on the floor... It brought me back. Back from where? +Back from where? Just help, will you? Please God, help me -- +...somebody... Ssh! +You can't let me stay like this. Please. You can't. What do you want me to do. +What do you want me to do. The blood brought me this far. I need more of the same. Or I'll slip back... +I'm hurting Hurting. +Hurting. My nerves... are beginning to work again. +My nerves... are beginning to work again. Good. +Good. One more. Maybe two -- +-- to heal me completely. Then we can be away from here, before they come looking. Who? +Who? The Cenobites. It's only a matter of time before they find I've slipped them. I have to get away from here. +Poor Larry. Obedient as ever. Keep your voice down. +Ssh. Don't want babe to hear. You're hurting. +You're hurting. You won't cheat me will you? You'll stay with me. Help me. Then we can be together, the way we were before. We belong to each other now, for better or worse... +Well? Better. Very much better. I'd like something to wear. And some cigarettes. Will you bring me some? +Better. Very much better. I'd like something to wear. And some cigarettes. Will you bring me some? Later. +Later. What? +What? I want an explanation first. I want to know what happened to you. +I want an explanation first. I want to know what happened to you. Not know. +Not know. Tell me, damn you. +A long time. You promised me an explanation. +This is what began it. A box? +A box? It's not any box. It's called the Lament Configuration. It's a puzzle. +It's not any box. It's called the Lament Configuration. It's a puzzle. Let me see. +Let me see. Don't touch it. It's dangerous. It opens doors. +Don't touch it. It's dangerous. It opens doors. What kind of doors? +What kind of doors? To experience beyond anything ever known. At least that's what I was promised when I bought it. Pleasure from Heaven or Hell. I didn't much care which. +To experience beyond anything ever known. At least that's what I was promised when I bought it. Pleasure from Heaven or Hell. I didn't much care which. Hell... +Hell... I was bored. I'd done everything. I'd gone to the limits. There was nothing left to experience. At least nothing I could buy on earth. +I was bored. I'd done everything. I'd gone to the limits. There was nothing left to experience. At least nothing I could buy on earth. And you came back here to solve the puzzle -- +And you came back here to solve the puzzle -- Sure. Somewhere safe. Safe. Christ! They tortured me here. In this room. +Sure. Somewhere safe. Safe. Christ! They tortured me here. In this room. Who did? +Who did? The Cenobites. The creatures the box set free. Sometimes I think they're still here. Just behind the walls. Them and their hooks and their beasts. Just waiting to break out again. Except that I've got the box. +The Cenobites. The creatures the box set free. Sometimes I think they're still here. Just behind the walls. Them and their hooks and their beasts. Just waiting to break out again. Except that I've got the box. You're still afraid. +You're still afraid. You would be. They tore me apart. +You would be. They tore me apart. So you were cheated. +So you were cheated. No. They gave me experiences beyond the limits. Pain and pleasure, indivisible. +They took my body, but my spirit... they left that here. In the boards, in the walls. Watching the world, but not able to TOUCH it. And the blood let you out? +And the blood let you out? It gave me a little chance, and I took it. They won't get me back. I'm going to live, and you're going to help me. Yes? +It gave me a little chance, and I took it. They won't get me back. I'm going to live, and you're going to help me. Yes? Yes. They'll never find us. +You can't love him. I don't. +I don't. So where's the harm? +So where's the harm? I said no. +I said no. Then find me somebody else, before they come looking. +She'll tell them everything... I don't think so. She'll want Larry first. +I don't think so. She'll want Larry first. That's probably her now. Or the police. +That's probably her now. Or the police. Maybe. +Maybe. Don't you care? +Don't you care? There's very little I can do about it. +There's very little I can do about it. Maybe we should just leave -- +Maybe we should just leave -- Like this? Look at me! LIKE THIS? +Like this? Look at me! LIKE THIS? Well we can't just stay here -- +Well we can't just stay here -- I need a skin. Then we leave -- +Kirsty. Hi. I got soaked. +Hi. I got soaked. There's a towel in the bathroom. +There's a towel in the bathroom. Which is where? +Which is where? Just to your left. +What happened? Just an accident. He's all right. Will you drive? He needs stitches. +Just an accident. He's all right. Will you drive? He needs stitches. Sure. +Sure. The keys are in the kitchen. +Kirsty? It's very late. Where's Daddy? +Where's Daddy? What's the problem? +What's the problem? I have to see my father. +I have to see my father. Of course. There's no need to shout. +You look terrible. Have you had an accident? I was here this afternoon. +I was here this afternoon. This afternoon. +This afternoon. I saw everything. +I saw everything. I'm sorry, I don't follow. What was there to see? +No, damn you -- Oh my God. +It's ONE of these. We're going to freeze to death. +We're going to freeze to death. O.K. O.K. +Maybe somebody changed the lock. Like who? +Like who? Just a thought -- +Just a thought -- Ah! +It smells damp. It's just been empty a while. +How long since you were here? The best part of ten years. +Why didn't he want to sell it? I don't know. Probably wanted a hideaway. +Not exactly modern. We'll sell it. Sell everything. +We'll sell it. Sell everything. I thought half of it was your brother's? +I thought half of it was your brother's? He won't complain. He can pay off some of his creditors. +You know we have to let Kirsty see this place, before we do anything to it. She'll love it. You mean we're moving in? +You're still blaming me. No. I'm not. +No. I'm not. You wanted to come back to London. We came back. +All right. So what's the argument? +So what's the argument? No argument. +No argument. Oh Christ. Julia... +Larry! I hear you. +Where are you? In here. +He's here? He's BEEN here. There's stuff in the kitchen. He must have made a hasty exit. +Well? Why not? +Why not? We'll move in Sunday. +How are you doing through there? It looks like a bomb's dropped. +What have you done? I cut myself. +Is it deep? I don't know, I haven't looked. You know me and blood. +I don't know, I haven't looked. You know me and blood. You're NOT going to faint. +You're NOT going to faint. Shit. +Shit. Let me see. +It's probably going to need stitches. I'm going to throw up. +I'm going to throw up. No, you're not. +Take it slowly. So damn stupid. +So damn stupid. You're done worse. +You're done worse. I'll be scarred for life. +I'll be scarred for life. No you won't. +Look, I'm going to have to leave you guys to keep each other company. Larry.... +Larry.... Anyway, it's bad luck to see too much of the bride before the wedding. +Would you excuse me? I think I'm going to go to bed. Are you O.K.? +Julia? I'm here. +I'm here. Sweetheart... I've been calling you. +Are you all right? Just feeling a bit sick. +Just feeling a bit sick. Oh, babe... +I'll be O.K. Just leave me be a while. Can I get you anything? +Can I get you anything? Maybe a brandy. +Maybe a brandy. Sure. +Sure. I'll be down in a minute +I'll be down in a minute O.K. +Just a moment. Put on some music will you babe? O.K. +Who was it? Kirsty. +Is this upsetting you? I've seen worse. +Are you all right? Fine. +Fine. Only I'll turn it off -- +-- I'll go see. No. I'll do it. +Larry... What's wrong with you? +Oh baby. Don't go upstairs. +Don't go upstairs. Come with me then. +Huh? Please... +Please... What's wrong with you? +What's wrong with you? Please. I can't bear it... +What's wrong? I don't know where to begin... +I don't know where to begin... What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? It's better you see for yourself -- +Dead. He was insane, baby: a mad dog. I put him out of his misery -- +Not much fun, is it? What? +What? Drinking alone. +Drinking alone. Not much. +Not much. I wonder, maybe... +What are you drinking? Just soda. +Just soda. Plain soda? +Plain soda? Please. +Please. I try not to drink at lunch-time. Makes me sleepy in the afternoon. You like to keep a clear head, eh? One soda, one whisky. I do it anyway. No will-power. Got a busy afternoon? +I try not to drink at lunch-time. Makes me sleepy in the afternoon. You like to keep a clear head, eh? One soda, one whisky. I do it anyway. No will-power. Got a busy afternoon? That depends. +That depends. Oh? +You know it's not often I... you know... There's a first time for everything. +There's a first time for everything. I suppose that's right. +I suppose that's right. You want something to drink? +You want something to drink? I'm already way over my usual limit. You know, it's funny. I feel like I've known you for years. +Well, isn't it? I... suppose so, yes. +I... suppose so, yes. So, what's your problem? Let's get to it. You're not going to change your fucking mind ? +So, what's your problem? Let's get to it. You're not going to change your fucking mind ? No. No. Let's go upstairs. +No. No. Let's go upstairs. That's more like it. +Is this your place ? Do you care ? +Do you care ? No, not much. +No, not much. Let's keep it that way, shall we? +Let's keep it that way, shall we? No personal details? +No personal details? That's right. +This isn't the bedroom. No. +What's going on? We don't need a bed, do we? +I suppose not. I prefer the floor. +First time for everything. That's right. +Why don't you take off your jacket? You're warm. Yeah, why don't I? +Why don't you do the same? Maybe I will. +You know, you're very beautiful. Am I? +Am I? You know you are. Loveliest woman I ever set eyes on. +Oh Christ. What's wrong? +What's wrong? Too much drink. Better empty my bladder. +You're awake. Good girl. What happened to me? +What happened to me? I'll get the doctor. +I'll get the doctor. Wait a moment -- +Who brought me in here? I won't be a moment. +What a pretty tune. My father doesn't answer. I have to go find him. +My father doesn't answer. I have to go find him. I'm afraid you'll have to wait until the police have spoken to you. Keep trying your father; he'll answer eventually. +I'm afraid you'll have to wait until the police have spoken to you. Keep trying your father; he'll answer eventually. I called another friend of mine and he's coming over. Will you let him in? +I called another friend of mine and he's coming over. Will you let him in? Of course. This isn't a prison you know. Look if you'd prefer to tell ME what happened, instead of a policeman -- +You wouldn't believe me. Try me. +Well, if you change your mind. What's this friend's name? Steve. +Who's there? Daddy? +Kirsty? I got through. +I got through. Where are you? +Where are you? I found a room. +I found a room. What did you say? +What did you say? I said: I found a room. +I thought you were going to stay with us for awhile? No Dad. +No Dad. You'd like the house. +You'd like the house. YOU'D like my room. +YOU'D like my room. Do you want me to come over? +Well I want you to see the house. I'm not going to change my mind, Dad. +Great. Well come over, will you? See the place? +Well come over, will you? See the place? Maybe later in the week. First I've got to find myself a job. +Maybe later in the week. First I've got to find myself a job. What for, honey? You know we can look after you. You've made the gesture -- +What for, honey? You know we can look after you. You've made the gesture -- It's not a gesture. I want to do this on my own. Come on, trust me a little will you? +It's not a gesture. I want to do this on my own. Come on, trust me a little will you? I do. I'd just feel happier if you were with us. +I do. I'd just feel happier if you were with us. I'll come over and see you in the next few days. You can show me the mansion. O.K.? +I'll come over and see you in the next few days. You can show me the mansion. O.K.? You will keep in touch. +You will keep in touch. Of course. Every day. +Of course. Every day. O.K. +O.K. Take care, Dad. +Take care, Dad. Call me tomorrow. +Call me tomorrow. I will. See you. +Big house. You like? +You like? Me like. +I'll show you around when we've got this damn bed moved. Is Julia here? +Is Julia here? Upstairs. Treat her gently, huh? She hates moving. +Upstairs. Treat her gently, huh? She hates moving. Surprise. +Surprise. Kirsty. +Kirsty. O.K. I'll be nice. You get on with the muscle work. I'll make myself some coffee. +O.K. I'll be nice. You get on with the muscle work. I'll make myself some coffee. Kitchen's through on your left. +Are you O.K.? Sure. +What are you drinking, love? I've forgotten. +I've forgotten. Steve? +I just wanted to be sure you were O.K. Never better. You sleep well. +Never better. You sleep well. Yeah. +Yeah. I love you, honey. +I love you, honey. I love you too. +...maybe we should never have come back. Maybe you should give it some time. +Maybe you should give it some time. I guess. +I guess. She's not like Mom. She's... I don't know... moody. I thought that was what you liked about her. +She's not like Mom. She's... I don't know... moody. I thought that was what you liked about her. You don't like her at all do you? +She doesn't even want to leave the house. Really? +Really? It's like she's waiting for something. +It's like she's waiting for something. What? +What? I don't know. I don't know. It's beyond me. +Would you... maybe call round sometime? Try to make friends. Sure. +Sure. Maybe all she needs is some company. +I have to talk to you. Of course. +It's all right, sweetheart. Julia's told me everything; and it's all right... No. You don't understand. Your brother -- Frank -- he's here in the house. And he's -- +No. You don't understand. Your brother -- Frank -- he's here in the house. And he's -- Whatever Frank did was his error. And it's finished with now. +Whatever Frank did was his error. And it's finished with now. Finished? +Finished? He's gone. +He's gone. Gone? +Poor Frank. He's better off dead. I don't believe it. +I don't believe it. I'm afraid it's true. +I'm afraid it's true. I want to see. +I want to see. No you don't. +No you don't. Yes! +Yes! Show her. +Get the fuck out of here. What's the problem? +What's the problem? PLEASE. You're in danger. +PLEASE. You're in danger. No. It's all over. +No. It's all over. It isn't. I know what's going on here, and it isn't over -- +Where are you going? I have to get out. +We're on the Cointreau. That's right. Cointreau. +I won't be able to stand. So lie down. +You're not going? Just upstairs. +Need any help? I AM house-trained. +I'm here. I thought we'd lost you. +I thought we'd lost you. I'm coming! Sleep well. +You know I do know the way home. It's late. +It's late. Not that late. +Not that late. Please. I want to see you home. All right? +Please. I want to see you home. All right? All right. No. That's nice. +All right. No. That's nice. If there's a train. +If there's a train. What do we do if there isn't? +What do we do if there isn't? We walk. +Why don't you stay at Larry's house? There's plenty of room. Yeah, there's room. And there's Julia. +Yeah, there's room. And there's Julia. I see. +I see. She's so damn... English. +She's so damn... English. Meaning what? +Meaning what? Oh, I don't know. Up-tight. Frigid. +I beg your pardon? There ya go. I beg your pardon? +There ya go. I beg your pardon? We're not all frigid. +Oh no? Oh no. +Oh no. It's not what I heard. +It's not what I heard. Well you've just been talking to the wrong people. +Oh! Are you alright ? +Are you alright ? I've been better. +I've been better. Your father told me you were working here. +Your father told me you were working here. If I make it through the day. +If I make it through the day. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have surprised you. +I'm sorry, I shouldn't have surprised you. No, it's good to see you. +Are you busy after work ? Just trying to get my apartment in order. +Just trying to get my apartment in order. Can I lend you a hand? +Can I lend you a hand? As long as you don't mind the smell of fur -- +As long as you don't mind the smell of fur -- It's a fetish of mine. +Steve. Thank God you came. What happened to you? +These THINGS... they want to take me -- What things? +What's wrong? Don't let them take me, Steve -- +Don't let them take me, Steve -- I won't let anybody take you. +What? Just go. PLEASE. I'll be O.K. I'm going to go see Dad. He'll look after me -- +Just go. PLEASE. I'll be O.K. I'm going to go see Dad. He'll look after me -- What did I say? +What did I say? Will you GO, damn you? +I'll come back later, huh? Sure. Why not? +'Bye. 'Bye. +Do I know you? I don't know. +Alison's. Really. +Really. Long time ago. I was just thinking about her. I was her first boyfriend. +Rob. Rob Gordon. Circa junior high... I hate to quibble with you Rob, but she married her first boyfriend. Kevin Bannister. +I hate to quibble with you Rob, but she married her first boyfriend. Kevin Bannister. You gotta be kidding me. +You gotta be kidding me. That's right. Kevin. She's Mrs. Kevin Bannister. She lives in Australia. +Really? Married Kevin? Her junior high sweetheart... What chance would I have had against that? None, no chance. That's just fate. I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? Technically, I'm number one. I went out with her a week before Kevin did. Her first boyfriend. Me. +TURN IT OFF, BARRY. IT WON'T GO ANY LOUDER. +What are you doing? I don't want to hear Public Enemy right now. +I don't want to hear Public Enemy right now. Public Enemy! All I'm trying to do is cheer us up. Go ahead and put on some old sad bastard music see if I care. +Public Enemy! All I'm trying to do is cheer us up. Go ahead and put on some old sad bastard music see if I care. I don't want old sad bastard music either. I just want something I can ignore. +I don't want old sad bastard music either. I just want something I can ignore. But it's my new tape. My Monday morning tape. I made it last night just for today. +But it's my new tape. My Monday morning tape. I made it last night just for today. Yeah, well it's fucking Monday afternoon. You should get out of bed earlier. +Yeah, well it's fucking Monday afternoon. You should get out of bed earlier. Don't you want to hear what's next? +Don't you want to hear what's next? What's next? +What's next? Play it. +Play it. Say it. +Say it. """Little Latin Lupe Lu.""" +How can it be bullshit to state a preference? Since when did this shop become a fascist regime? +Since when did this shop become a fascist regime? Since you brought that bullshit tape in. +Since you brought that bullshit tape in. Great. That's the fun of working in a record store. Playing crappy pap you don't want to listen to. I thought this tape was going to be, you know, a conversation stimulator. I was going to ask you for your top five records to play on a Monday morning and all that, and you just had to ruin it. +Great. That's the fun of working in a record store. Playing crappy pap you don't want to listen to. I thought this tape was going to be, you know, a conversation stimulator. I was going to ask you for your top five records to play on a Monday morning and all that, and you just had to ruin it. We'll do it next Monday. +We'll do it next Monday. Well what's the point in that? +Nice, Barry. "Rob. Top five musical crimes perpetrated by Stevie Wonder in the '80's and '90's. Subquestion -- is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter- day sins? ""Is it better to burn out than to fade away?""" +"Rob. Top five musical crimes perpetrated by Stevie Wonder in the '80's and '90's. Subquestion -- is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter- day sins? ""Is it better to burn out than to fade away?""" You just drove a fucking customer away, Barry. +You just drove a fucking customer away, Barry. "We didn't even really have it. I happen to know for a fact that the only Stevie Wonder single we have is ""Don't Drive Drunk."" I was just goofing on the straight, and it never cost you a penny." +"We didn't even really have it. I happen to know for a fact that the only Stevie Wonder single we have is ""Don't Drive Drunk."" I was just goofing on the straight, and it never cost you a penny." Not the point. +Not the point. Oh, so what's the point then? +Oh, so what's the point then? I don't want you talking to our customers like that again. +I don't want you talking to our customers like that again. """Our customers?"" You think that Mr. L.L. Bean out there is going to be a regular?" +Barry, I'm fucking broke! I know we used to fuck with anyone who asked for anything we didn't like, but it's gotta stop. Bullshit. The guy was going to buy one record -- which we didn't even have -- and leave and never come back again anyway. Why not have a little fun? Big fucking deal. +Bullshit. The guy was going to buy one record -- which we didn't even have -- and leave and never come back again anyway. Why not have a little fun? Big fucking deal. What did he ever do to you? +What did he ever do to you? He offended me with his terrible taste. +He offended me with his terrible taste. It wasn't even his terrible taste. It was his daughter's. +It wasn't even his terrible taste. It was his daughter's. Oh, now you're defending that motherfucker? You're going soft in your old age, Rob. There was a time when you would have chased him out of the store and up the street. Now all of a sudden I'm offending your golf buddy. You're right, Rob. I am so sorry. How are we ever going to make enough money to get you and Laura into the country club? +Yeah. But now I kind of like it. +I wanna date a musician... I wanna live with a musician. She'd write songs at home, ask me what she thought of them, maybe even include one of our private jokes in the liner notes. +I wanna live with a musician. She'd write songs at home, ask me what she thought of them, maybe even include one of our private jokes in the liner notes. ...Maybe a picture of me in the liner notes... +What did you tell her about the shop for? I didn't know it was classified information. I mean, I know we don't have any customers, but I thought that was a bad thing, not, like, a business strategy. +We're only on the fucking list for Marie's gig at the Pulaski Pub, that's all! All three of us. That's fucking great, Barry. We can spend fifteen bucks on a cab to save five each. Fantastic, Barry! +That's fucking great, Barry. We can spend fifteen bucks on a cab to save five each. Fantastic, Barry! We can take your car. +We can take your car. It's not my car, now is it? It's Laura's car, and thus Laura has it. So it's an ass-bumping double- transferring bus ride through bumblefuck or a fat wad on a cab. Wow. Fucking great. +What? "What do you mean, ""what?""" +"What do you mean, ""what?""" What are you snickering about? +What are you snickering about? I'm not snickering. I'm smiling. Because I'm happy. +I'm not snickering. I'm smiling. Because I'm happy. What am I missing? What do you have to be happy about? +"Okay. Top five side one track ones. Number one... ""Janie Jones,"" the Clash, from The Clash." Ehh. +Ehh. """Thunder Road,"" Bruce Springsteen, from Born to Run. ""Smells Like Teen Spirit,"" Nirvana, Nevermind." +"""Thunder Road,"" Bruce Springsteen, from Born to Run. ""Smells Like Teen Spirit,"" Nirvana, Nevermind." Oh no, Rob, that's not obvious enough. Not at all. Dick, did you hear that? +Oh no, Rob, that's not obvious enough. Not at all. Dick, did you hear that? "Shut up. ""Let's Get It On,"" Marvin Gaye, from Let's Get It On. ""Airbag,"" Radiohead, from OK Computer." +"Shut up. ""Let's Get It On,"" Marvin Gaye, from Let's Get It On. ""Airbag,"" Radiohead, from OK Computer." "Ooh! A kind of recent record! Rob's sly declaration of new classic-status slipped into a list of old classics! Nice! ""Let's Get It On?"" Couldn't you make it more obvious than that?" +"There's something different about the sound of her voice... And what did she mean last night, she hasn't slept with him yet. Yet. What does ""yet"" mean, anyway? ""I haven't seen... Evil Dead II yet."" What does that mean? It means you're going to go, doesn't it?" -- You're like a little squirrel of music, storing away dead little nuts of old garbage music, musical lint, old shit, shit, shit -- +-- You're like a little squirrel of music, storing away dead little nuts of old garbage music, musical lint, old shit, shit, shit -- -- Barry, if I were to say to you I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet, what would that mean? +"Just... come on, what would it mean to you? That sentence? ""I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet?""" To me, it would mean that you're a liar. You saw it twice. Once with Laura -- oops -- once with me and Dick. We had that conversation about the possibilities of the guy making ammo off-screen in the Fourteenth Century. +To me, it would mean that you're a liar. You saw it twice. Once with Laura -- oops -- once with me and Dick. We had that conversation about the possibilities of the guy making ammo off-screen in the Fourteenth Century. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But say I hadn't seen it and I said to you, ""I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet,"" what would you think?" +I'd think you were a cinematic idiot. And I'd feel sorry for you. No, but would you think, from that one sentence. That I was going to see it? +No, but would you think, from that one sentence. That I was going to see it? I'm sorry, Rob, but I'm struggling here. I don't understand any part of this conversation. You're asking me what I would think if you told me that you hadn't seen a film that you've seen. What am I supposed to say? +I'm sorry, Rob, but I'm struggling here. I don't understand any part of this conversation. You're asking me what I would think if you told me that you hadn't seen a film that you've seen. What am I supposed to say? Just listen to me. If I said to you -- +Just listen to me. If I said to you -- """-- I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet,"" yeah, yeah, I hear you --" +"""-- I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet,"" yeah, yeah, I hear you --" Would you... would you get the impression that I wanted to see it? +Would you... would you get the impression that I wanted to see it? Well... you couldn't have been desperate to see it, otherwise you'd have already gone... +"...But the word ""yet..."" Yeah, you know what, I'd get the impression that you wanted to see it. Otherwise you'd say you didn't really want to." But in your opinion, would I definitely go? +But in your opinion, would I definitely go? How the fuck am I supposed to know that? You might get sick of people telling you you've really gotta go see the movie. +Why would they care? Because it's a brilliant film. It's funny, violent, and the soundtrack kicks fucking ass. +I never thought I would say this, but can I go work now? Let's pack it up. We haven't had a customer in four hours. +Fine by me. I still want pay to 7 o'clock. Ha. +Un-fucking-believable. Dick's out on a hot date, Rob's boning Marie LaSalle, and the best-looking and most intelligent of all of us isn't getting anything at all. How do you know about that? +How do you know about that? Oh come on, Rob. What am I, an idiot? I'm more bothered by Dick's thing. How did this happen, Dick? What rational explanation can there possibly be? What's her name? +Shut the fuck up, Barry. Yeah, you would say that, wouldn't you? You two have to stick together now. Boners United. United in getting some. +Don't be sad, Barry. You'll find true love someday. Suck my ass. +Suck my ass. Terrific. +Hey. What the fuck is that? +What the fuck is that? My band. +My band. What band? +What band? The band that found me and asked me to join. +The band that found me and asked me to join. You are not in a band, Barry. You are not a musician. And no posters. +You are not in a band, Barry. You are not a musician. And no posters. Thanks for your support, Rob. Really appreciate it. +Thanks for your support, Rob. Really appreciate it. Barrytown. Barrytown? Is there no end to your arrogance? +Barrytown. Barrytown? Is there no end to your arrogance? I didn't make up the name. It's the Steely Dan song. And it was in The Commitments. +I didn't make up the name. It's the Steely Dan song. And it was in The Commitments. You can't be called Barry and sing in a group called Barrytown. +You can't be called Barry and sing in a group called Barrytown. They were fucking called that before I was in it, okay? It wasn't my idea. +They were fucking called that before I was in it, okay? It wasn't my idea. That's why you got the gig, isn't it? +Isn't it? That was one of the reasons they asked me to join originally, yes. But -- +That was one of the reasons they asked me to join originally, yes. But -- Great! That's fucking great! They only asked you to sing because of your name! You can stick it above the browser racks over there. +Great! That's fucking great! They only asked you to sing because of your name! You can stick it above the browser racks over there. How many tickets can I put you down for? +How many tickets can I put you down for? None. Christ! +None. Christ! You're not even coming? +You're not even coming? Of course I'm not coming. Do I look like I'd want to listen to some terrible experimental racket played in some hideous cave? Where is it? The fucking Bucktown Pub? Ha! +Of course I'm not coming. Do I look like I'd want to listen to some terrible experimental racket played in some hideous cave? Where is it? The fucking Bucktown Pub? Ha! So much for friends, then. You're a bitter bastard, Rob, you know that? +So much for friends, then. You're a bitter bastard, Rob, you know that? Bitter? Because I'm not in Barrytown? You should be shot like a lame horse, you jerk. Just keep that out of my window. +What's up? Laura. Her dad died. +Laura. Her dad died. Ooh. Drag. +It was Jan, and it was a long time after-- "Whatever. Okay. ""Tell Laura I Love Her."" That'd bring the house down. Laura's mom could sing it." +"Whatever. Okay. ""Tell Laura I Love Her."" That'd bring the house down. Laura's mom could sing it." Fuck off, Barry. +Fuck off, Barry. "I'd want ""One Step Beyond"" by Madness. And ""You Can't Always Get What You Want.""" +"I'd want ""One Step Beyond"" by Madness. And ""You Can't Always Get What You Want.""" Because it's in The Big Chill. +Because it's in The Big Chill. Haven't seen it. +Haven't seen it. Liar. We saw it in the Lawrence Kasdan double-bill with Body Heat. +Liar. We saw it in the Lawrence Kasdan double-bill with Body Heat. Oh. Right. But I'd forgotten about that. I wasn't biting the idea. +Oh. Right. But I'd forgotten about that. I wasn't biting the idea. Not really. +The little skate-fuckers. No way. +No way. Yes way. It's really... +What the fuck is that? What? +What? "I heard you, man. Don't give me that ""what"" shit. You just told them that you're gonna put out a record with them." +"I heard you, man. Don't give me that ""what"" shit. You just told them that you're gonna put out a record with them." So? You even said they're good. +So? You even said they're good. HELLO. DO YOU SEE ANYONE ELSE around here with a band, Mr. Branson? Mr. Phil Spector? +Like fuck you are. Laura said we could. If we helped out with the posters and stuff. And we did. And we are. +Laura said we could. If we helped out with the posters and stuff. And we did. And we are. I'll give you 10% of the door if you don't play. +I'll give you 10% of the door if you don't play. We're getting that anyway. +We're getting that anyway. What is she doing? Okay, 20%. +What is she doing? Okay, 20%. No. We need the gig. +No. We need the gig. 110%. That's my final offer. I'm not kidding. That's how much it means to me not to hear you play. +110%. That's my final offer. I'm not kidding. That's how much it means to me not to hear you play. We're not as bad as you think, Rob. +We're not as bad as you think, Rob. You couldn't be. Look, Barry. There's going to be people from Laura's work there, people who own dogs and babies and Tina Turner albums. How are you going to cope with them? +You couldn't be. Look, Barry. There's going to be people from Laura's work there, people who own dogs and babies and Tina Turner albums. How are you going to cope with them? We're not called Barrytown anymore, by the by. They got sick of the Barry/Barrytown thing. We're called SDM. Sonic Death Monkey. +We're not called Barrytown anymore, by the by. They got sick of the Barry/Barrytown thing. We're called SDM. Sonic Death Monkey. Sonic Death Monkey. +Sonic Death Monkey. What do you think? Dick likes it. +What do you think? Dick likes it. Barry, you're over thirty years old. You owe it to yourself and your friends and to your parents not to sing in a group called Sonic Death Monkey. +Barry, you're over thirty years old. You owe it to yourself and your friends and to your parents not to sing in a group called Sonic Death Monkey. I owe it to myself to go right to the edge, Rob, and this group does exactly that. Over the edge, in fact. +I owe it to myself to go right to the edge, Rob, and this group does exactly that. Over the edge, in fact. You'll be going over the fucking edge if you come anywhere near me next Friday night. +You'll be going over the fucking edge if you come anywhere near me next Friday night. That's what we want. Reaction. And if Laura's bourgeois lawyer friends can't take it, then fuck 'em. Let 'em riot, we can handle it. We'll be ready. +"I'm looking for a record for my daughter. For her birthday. ""I Just Called To Say I Love You."" Do you have it?" Oh yeah. We got it. +Great. Can I have it then? No, you can't. +Why not? "Because it's sentimental tacky crap, that's why not. Do we look like the kind of store that sells ""I Just Called To Say I Loved You?"" Go to the mall and stop wasting our time." +"Because it's sentimental tacky crap, that's why not. Do we look like the kind of store that sells ""I Just Called To Say I Loved You?"" Go to the mall and stop wasting our time." What's your problem? What did I... Why are you -- +What's your problem? What did I... Why are you -- Do you even know your daughter? There is no way she likes that song. Or is she in a coma? +It's almost impossible to find, especially on CD. Yet another cruel trick on all of the dumbasses who got rid of their turntables. But every other Echo and the Bunnymen album -- I have all of the others. +I have all of the others. Oh really. Well what about the first Jesus and Mary Chain? +Oh really. Well what about the first Jesus and Mary Chain? They always seemed... +They always seemed... They always seemed what? They always seemed really great, is what they always seemed. They picked up where your precious Echo left off, and you're sitting here complaining about no more Echo albums. I can't believe that you don't own that record. That's insane. +Well what about the new Echo -- Do not get ahead of yourself. +That is perverse. Do not tell anyone you don't own fucking Blonde on Blonde. What about Television? I have a television. +I have a television. NO--! +Holy Shiite! What the fuck's this? It's the new -- +Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels? No. The Righteous Brothers. +No. The Righteous Brothers. Oh well. Nevermind. +What? Nothing. +Nothing. No, not nothing. What's wrong with the Righteous Brothers? +No, not nothing. What's wrong with the Righteous Brothers? Nothing. I just prefer the other one. +Nothing. I just prefer the other one. Bullshit. +"She shouldn't done it on ""The Number Four With a Smile.""" "Isn't her album called ""Number Four With A Smile?""" +"Isn't her album called ""Number Four With A Smile?""" That's what I said. +That's what I said. "No, no, no, you said ""The Number Four With a Smile,"" and there's no ""The"" at the front of the title of the album." +"No, no, no, you said ""The Number Four With a Smile,"" and there's no ""The"" at the front of the title of the album." "It's a reference to a Chinese meal in Toronto and I think that there is a ""The."" But I could be wrong." +"It's a reference to a Chinese meal in Toronto and I think that there is a ""The."" But I could be wrong." You can be and are wrong. +He's got one! On Clark Street! +On Clark Street! A couple blocks! About six! +A couple blocks! About six! We work there! +We work there! You'd love it! +I can't go to the club tonight, guys. Why? +Who are you going to see? Nobody. +Anna. Anna who? Anna Green Gables? Anna Conda? +Anna who? Anna Green Gables? Anna Conda? Anna Moss. +Anna Moss. Anna Moss. Mossy. The Mossy Thing. The Swamp Thing. Is she all green and furry? +Don't do it, Rob! He's not worth it! +"Okay, okay -- ""Leader of the Pack."" The guy fucking cracks up on a cycle and dies right? ""Dead Man's Curve,"" Jan and Dean..." Did you know that after that song was recorded, Jan himself crashed his -- +Did you know that after that song was recorded, Jan himself crashed his -- -- It was Dean, you fucking idiot. +"""Somebody's Gonna Die"" by Blitz. ""Bella Lugosi's Dead,"" Bauhaus. It's got that creepy Halloween feeling." No. No. Mom wants you to come to the funeral. It's on Friday. +Hey, Barry. Oh, hi. +Oh, hi. Where's Rob? +Where's Rob? The Malcolm McClaren of Clark Street is in his executive suite. Do you have an appointment? +The Malcolm McClaren of Clark Street is in his executive suite. Do you have an appointment? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Just that Rob seems to think it would be wiser to start a record label by putting out a record with business- crippling Nazi Youth shoplifters than with someone he knows in his bitter jealous heart is a musical visionary. That's all. +May I help you? I'm looking for Deejay Rob Gordon. +I'm looking for Deejay Rob Gordon. Uh. That's me. +Uh. That's me. I'm Caroline Fortis from The Reader. I want to do a story on you. +I'm Caroline Fortis from The Reader. I want to do a story on you. Right. Why? +Right. Why? Well, I used to go to the Dodger on your nights, and I saw you're doing it again and that your putting out a record, and it's sort of a then-and- now story against the backdrop of the Chicago music scene with the emphasis on now. +Well, I used to go to the Dodger on your nights, and I saw you're doing it again and that your putting out a record, and it's sort of a then-and- now story against the backdrop of the Chicago music scene with the emphasis on now. Oh. Okay. +Oh. Okay. I thought I would ask you a few questions if that's okay. +I thought I would ask you a few questions if that's okay. Huh. You used to come to the club? I shouldn't have let you in. You must have only been about sixteen. +What I mean is, I didn't mean you look young. You don't. You don't look old either. You look just as old as you are. A bit younger maybe, but not a lot. Not much. Just right. So. Is now a good time? +Right. So. You must have an enormous record collection. Yeah. I could show it to you if you want to come over and see it. +Yeah, well... Let's see... What are you're all-time top five records? Pardon me? +Pardon me? Your desert island top-five. +Your desert island top-five. Oh boy... In the club, or at home? +Oh boy... In the club, or at home? Is there a difference? +Is there a difference? "OF COURSE... Well yeah, a bit. ""Sin City"" by the Flying Burrito Brothers is an all-time top five, but I wouldn't play it at the club. It's a country-rock ballad. Everybody'd go home." +"OF COURSE... Well yeah, a bit. ""Sin City"" by the Flying Burrito Brothers is an all-time top five, but I wouldn't play it at the club. It's a country-rock ballad. Everybody'd go home." Nevermind. Any five. So four more. +Nevermind. Any five. So four more. What do you mean, four more? +What do you mean, four more? "Well if one of them is this ""Sin City"" thing --" +"Well if one of them is this ""Sin City"" thing --" Can I go home and work this out and let you know? In a week or so? +Can I go home and work this out and let you know? In a week or so? Look if you can't think of anything, it doesn't matter. I'll do one. My five favorite from the old days at the Dodger. +"Oh, I'm sure I can manage something... ""Sin City."" ""New Rose,"" by The Damned. ""Hit It and Quit It"" by Funkadelic. ""Shipbuilding,"" Elvis Costello, Japanese import, no horns, or different horns, anyway... um... ""Mystery Train"" by Elvis Presley... And... ""Spaced Cowboy"" by Sly and the Family Stone. A bit controversial, I know, but..." Fine. That's great. +Fine. That's great. Is that it? +Is that it? Well, I wouldn't mind a quick chat, if you got the time. +Well, I wouldn't mind a quick chat, if you got the time. Sure, but is that it for the list? +Sure, but is that it for the list? That's five. So. Why did you decide to deejay again? +That's five. So. Why did you decide to deejay again? Well it was a friend's idea, really, and the record release party seemed like a good place to do it. So... I should really put a James Brown in there -- +Well it was a friend's idea, really, and the record release party seemed like a good place to do it. So... I should really put a James Brown in there -- Nice friend. +Nice friend. Yeah. +Yeah. What's his name? +What's his name? Who? Oh. My friend. My friend is Laura. A girl. A friend who's a girl. +Who? Oh. My friend. My friend is Laura. A girl. A friend who's a girl. """Music for Old People."" What does that mean?" +"""Music for Old People."" What does that mean?" "Look, I'm sorry about this, but I'd like ""the Upsetter"" by Lee ""Scratch"" Perry, in there. Instead of ""Sin City.""" +"Okay. ""Dance Music For Old People?""" Oh, you know... a lot of people aren't too old for clubs but they're too old for acid jazz and garage and ambient and all that. They want to hear old funk and Stax and New Wave and Old School Hip Hop and some new stuff all together and there's nowhere for them. +Oh, you know... a lot of people aren't too old for clubs but they're too old for acid jazz and garage and ambient and all that. They want to hear old funk and Stax and New Wave and Old School Hip Hop and some new stuff all together and there's nowhere for them. And the new label? And the Kinky Wizards? +And the new label? And the Kinky Wizards? Oh, well, the Kinky Wizards are -- you know what? Why don't I just make you a tape? +Oh, well, the Kinky Wizards are -- you know what? Why don't I just make you a tape? Would you? Really? Wow. I could have deejay Rob Gordon play in my own home. +Would you? Really? Wow. I could have deejay Rob Gordon play in my own home. Haha. Right. It's no problem. I love making tapes. +Rob, hi, so sorry I missed your call. In LA on business. You know how it gets. Yeah, sure... +Yeah, sure... Good. Great. Yeah... Wow. Rob Gordon. Seems like a 100 million years ago now. +Good. Great. Yeah... Wow. Rob Gordon. Seems like a 100 million years ago now. Yeah. A billion. Right... How are you? +Yeah. A billion. Right... How are you? Fantastic but I'm a little busy right now. Listen. Do you want to come to dinner Saturday? I'm having some friends over and I need a spare man. Are you a spare man? +Fantastic but I'm a little busy right now. Listen. Do you want to come to dinner Saturday? I'm having some friends over and I need a spare man. Are you a spare man? Uh...yes, at the moment. +Uh...yes, at the moment. Great. Gotta go. See you then. +Hey Charlie. Hey Rob. +Hey Rob. Why did you break up with me for Marco? +Why did you break up with me for Marco? Fuck! I knew it! You're going through one of those what-does-it- all-mean things. +Fuck! I knew it! You're going through one of those what-does-it- all-mean things. Huh? +Huh? There's been a rash of them, recently. I find it a little unnerving. In fact Marco called a few months back, and he wanted to see me, and rehash the past as they say, and I wasn't really up for it. Do all men go through this? +There's been a rash of them, recently. I find it a little unnerving. In fact Marco called a few months back, and he wanted to see me, and rehash the past as they say, and I wasn't really up for it. Do all men go through this? C'mon, just answer the question. You can say what you like. What the hell? +It's all kind of lost in the... in the dense mists of time now... It wasn't that I really liked Marco more. In fact I thought you were more, shall we say, attractive than him. It was just that he knew he was good-looking and you didn't, and that made a difference somehow. You used to act as if I was weird for wanting to spend time with you, and that got kind of beat, if you know what I mean. Your self-image started to rub off on me and I ended up thinking that I was strange. And I knew that you were kind and thoughtful... you made me laugh, and I dug the way you got consumed by things you loved... and Marco seemed a bit more, I don't know, glamorous? More sure of himself? Less hard work, because I felt like I was dragging you around, sort of. A little sunnier. Sparkier. I don't know. You know what people are like at that age. They make very superficial judgements. Do you think that's superficial? He was a clown, if it's any consolation. Did you tell that to Marco when he did his what-does-it-all-mean thing with you? +Did you tell that to Marco when he did his what-does-it-all-mean thing with you? Oh God, no. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. +'Morning, Dick. Oh, hi. Hi, Rob. +Oh, hi. Hi, Rob. Good weekend? +Good weekend? Yeah, OK. I found the first Licorice Comfits album at Vintage Vinyl. The one on Testament of Youth. Never released here. Japanese import only. +Yeah, OK. I found the first Licorice Comfits album at Vintage Vinyl. The one on Testament of Youth. Never released here. Japanese import only. Great. +Great. I'll tape it for you. +I'll tape it for you. No, that's okay. Really. +No, that's okay. Really. 'Cause you like their second one, you said, Pop, Girls. etc. The one with Cheryl Ladd on the cover. You didn't see the cover though. +'Cause you like their second one, you said, Pop, Girls. etc. The one with Cheryl Ladd on the cover. You didn't see the cover though. Yeah, I haven't really absorbed that one. +Yeah, I haven't really absorbed that one. Well, I'll just make it for you. +Well, I'll just make it for you. Okay. +What's this? The new Belle and Sebastian. Like it? +Hey. Didn't you steal that one already? Can I help you? +Are you all right? Yeah. I'm sorry... Look Dick, Laura and I broke up. She's gone. And if we ever see Barry again maybe you can tell him that. +Yeah. I'm sorry... Look Dick, Laura and I broke up. She's gone. And if we ever see Barry again maybe you can tell him that. 'Course I will, Rob. No problem. No problem at all. I'll tell him next time I see him. +I've ah... got some other stuff to tell him anyway, so it's no problem. I'll just tell him about, you know, Laura, when I tell him the other stuff. Fine. +Fine. I'll start with your news before I tell him mine, obviously. Mine isn't much, really, just about Marie LaSalle playing at Lounge Ax tonight. I like her, you know, she's kind of Sheryl Crowish... but, you know, good. So I'll tell him before that. Good news and bad news kind of thing. +Or rather, bad news and good news, because he likes this person playing tonight. I mean, he liked Laura too, I didn't mean that. And he likes you. It's just that -- I understand, Dick. +I understand, Dick. Sure. 'Course. Rob, look. Do you want to... talk about it, that kind of thing? +I always hated this song. Yeah. +Let's not. I want a tape. +Rob. Liz, hold on a second -- What? +Liz, hold on a second -- What? Marie LaSalle is in the store! Here, she's here, and now! +Rob --! -- FUCK OFF! +I will now sell four copies of Cats and Dogs by the Royal Trux. Do it. Do it. +Well we rang $900 today. Yeah but more than that. I'm happy because I'm proud of us. Because although our talents are small and peculiar, we use them to their best advantage. +Don't worry about it, Dick. Barry's an asshole. Yeah... Well... I'll see you tomorrow, Rob. +I'm sorry, Rob, that's, it's -- You're a horrible person, Barry. I mean it. +Can I do anything? """Abraham, Martin, and John."" That's a nice one." +What is this. It's Vince and Justin. +It's Vince and Justin. Who's that? +Laura? Are you okay? I am fine... I gotta go. Goodbye. +Yeah, I'm fine. I'm off the phone. You look upset. +You look upset. I'm upset, but I'm fine. +I'm upset, but I'm fine. Maybe I should talk to him. +Maybe I should talk to him. Mmmm, no. Not a good idea. +Mmmm, no. Not a good idea. Conflict resolution is my job, Laura. +Conflict resolution is my job, Laura. Nothing to resolve, Ian. Let's get a drink. +Can I help you? Hello, Rob. Remember me? I'm Ray. Ian. +What needs sorting out? Come on, Rob. My relationship with Laura has obviously disturbed you a great deal. +Come on, Rob. My relationship with Laura has obviously disturbed you a great deal. Funnily enough I haven't been too thrilled about it. +Funnily enough I haven't been too thrilled about it. We are not talking jokey understatement here, Rob. We're talking actionable harassment. Ten phone calls a night, hanging around outside my house... +We are not talking jokey understatement here, Rob. We're talking actionable harassment. Ten phone calls a night, hanging around outside my house... Yeah, well, I've stopped all that now. +Yeah, well, I've stopped all that now. We've noticed and we're glad. But, you know... how are we going to make peace here? We want to make things easier for you. What can we do? Obviously I know how special Laura is, and I know things can't be good for you at the moment. I'd hate it if I lost her. But I'd like to think that if she decided she didn't want to see me anymore, I'd respect that decision. Do you see what I'm saying? +We've noticed and we're glad. But, you know... how are we going to make peace here? We want to make things easier for you. What can we do? Obviously I know how special Laura is, and I know things can't be good for you at the moment. I'd hate it if I lost her. But I'd like to think that if she decided she didn't want to see me anymore, I'd respect that decision. Do you see what I'm saying? Yeah. +Yeah. Good. So shall we leave it at that then? +Good. So shall we leave it at that then? I dunno. +I dunno. Think about it, Rob. +Good. So shall we leave it at that then? I've already left it, you pathetic rebound fuck! Now get your patchouli stink out of my store. +Good. So shall we leave it at that then? We won't leave it, Ian. Not ever. +So shall we leave it at that then? I dunno. +I dunno. Think about it, Rob. +You don't have to go this second. You can stay until whenever. We've done the hard part now. I might as well, you know... +We've done the hard part now. I might as well, you know... Well stay for tonight, then. +Jeez. He goes on long enough. I should be so lucky. +Shit! Hi. +Hi. Hi. +Hi. I thought I could give you a lift back. +I thought I could give you a lift back. Are you coming home? +Are you coming home? Yes. Well, I'm coming over to your house to get some things. +Yes. Well, I'm coming over to your house to get some things. My house? +How can you like Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye? It's like saying you support the Israelis and the Palestinians. It's not like saying that at all, actually, Rob. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye make pop records -- +It's not like saying that at all, actually, Rob. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye make pop records -- -- Made. Made. Marvin Gaye is dead, his father shot him in -- +-- Made. Made. Marvin Gaye is dead, his father shot him in -- -- whatever, and the Israelis and the Palestinians don't. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye are not engaged in a bitter territorial dispute, and the Israelis and the Palestinians are. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye -- +-- whatever, and the Israelis and the Palestinians don't. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye are not engaged in a bitter territorial dispute, and the Israelis and the Palestinians are. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye -- -- Alright, alright but -- +-- Alright, alright but -- -- and who says I like Marvin Gaye, anyway? +"Hey! Marvin Gaye! ""Got to Give It Up!"" That's our song! Marvin Gaye is responsible for our entire relationship!" Is that right? I'd like a word with him. +Is that right? I'd like a word with him. But don't you remember? +But don't you remember? I remember the song. I just couldn't remember who sang it. +"You used to care more about things like Marvin Gaye than you do now. When I first met you, and I made you that tape, you loved it. You said -- and I quote -- ""It was so good it made you ashamed of your record collection.""" Well, I liked you. You were a deejay, and I thought you were hot, and I didn't have a boyfriend, and I wanted one. +Well, I liked you. You were a deejay, and I thought you were hot, and I didn't have a boyfriend, and I wanted one. So you weren't interested in music at all? +So you weren't interested in music at all? Yeah, sure. More so then than I am now. That's life though, isn't it? +But Laura... that's me. That's all there is to me. There isn't anything else. If you've lost interest in that, you've lost interest in everything. You really believe that? +Yes. Look at me. Look at our -- the apartment. What else do I have, other than records and CDs? And do you like it that way? +And do you like it that way? Not really. +Have you tackled the Great Reorganization yet? Don't you think there are more important things to talk about than my record collection? +So. Where have you been staying for the last week? I think you know that. +I think you know that. Had to work it out for myself, though, didn't I? +I'm sorry. I haven't been very fair to you. That's why I came here to the store this evening. I feel terrible, Rob. This is really hard, you know. Good. So. Is it my job? +Good. So. Is it my job? What? Gimme a fucking break. Is that what you think? That your not big enough a deal for me? Jesus, gimme a little credit, Rob. +What? Gimme a fucking break. Is that what you think? That your not big enough a deal for me? Jesus, gimme a little credit, Rob. I don't know. It's one of the things I thought of. +I don't know. It's one of the things I thought of. What were the others? +What were the others? Just the obvious stuff. +Just the obvious stuff. What's the obvious stuff? +What's the obvious stuff? I don't know. +I guess it's not that obvious, then. No. +What? What, what? +Did you say something? No. So. Is it working out with Ian? +No. So. Is it working out with Ian? Rob. Don't be childish. +Rob. Don't be childish. Why is that childish? Your living with the guy! I'm just asking how it's going. +Why is that childish? Your living with the guy! I'm just asking how it's going. I am not living with him. I've just been staying with him for a few days until I work out what I'm doing. Look, this has nothing to do with anyone else. You know that, don't you? I left because we weren't exactly getting along, and we weren't talking about it. And I suddenly realized that I like my job, and I like what my life is could be turning into, and that I'm getting to a point where I want to get my shit together and I can't really see that ever happening with you, and yeah, yeah, I sort of get interested in someone else, and that went further than it should have, so it seemed like a good time to go. But I have no idea what will happen with Ian in the long run. Probably nothing. +I am not living with him. I've just been staying with him for a few days until I work out what I'm doing. Look, this has nothing to do with anyone else. You know that, don't you? I left because we weren't exactly getting along, and we weren't talking about it. And I suddenly realized that I like my job, and I like what my life is could be turning into, and that I'm getting to a point where I want to get my shit together and I can't really see that ever happening with you, and yeah, yeah, I sort of get interested in someone else, and that went further than it should have, so it seemed like a good time to go. But I have no idea what will happen with Ian in the long run. Probably nothing. Well then why don't you quit it while you seem to not be ahead? +Look. Maybe you'll grow up and we'll get it together, you and me. Maybe I'll never see either of you again. I don't know. All I know is that it's not a good time to be living here. So, what, you haven't definitely decide to dump me? There's still a chance we'll get back together? +So, what, you haven't definitely decide to dump me? There's still a chance we'll get back together? I don't know. +I don't know. Well, if you don't know, there's a chance, right? It's like, if someone was in the hospital and he was seriously ill and the doctor said, I don't know if he's got a chance of survival or not, then that doesn't mean the patient's definitely going to die, now does it? It means he might live. Even if it's only a remote possibility. +Well, if you don't know, there's a chance, right? It's like, if someone was in the hospital and he was seriously ill and the doctor said, I don't know if he's got a chance of survival or not, then that doesn't mean the patient's definitely going to die, now does it? It means he might live. Even if it's only a remote possibility. I suppose so. +I suppose so. So we have a chance of getting back together again. +So we have a chance of getting back together again. Oh, Rob, shut up. +Oh, Rob, shut up. Hey, I just want to know where I stand. What chance -- +Hey, I just want to know where I stand. What chance -- -- I don't fucking know what chance you fucking have! +Well if you could tell me roughly it would help. Okay, okay, we have a nine percent chance of getting back together. Does that clarify the situation? +Okay, okay, we have a nine percent chance of getting back together. Does that clarify the situation? Yeah. Great. +Yeah. Great. I'm too tired for this now. I know I'm asking a lot, but will you take off for a while so I can get my stuff packed up? I need to be able to think while I do it and I can't think while you're here. +I'm too tired for this now. I know I'm asking a lot, but will you take off for a while so I can get my stuff packed up? I need to be able to think while I do it and I can't think while you're here. No problem. If I can ask one question. +No problem. If I can ask one question. Fine. One. +Fine. One. It sounds stupid. +It sounds stupid. Nevermind. +Nevermind. You won't like it. +You won't like it. Just ask it! +Just ask it! Is it better? +Is it better? Is what better? Better than what? +Is what better? Better than what? Well. Sex, I guess. Is sex with him better? +Well. Sex, I guess. Is sex with him better? Jesus Christ, Rob. Is that really what's bothering you? +Jesus Christ, Rob. Is that really what's bothering you? Of course it is. +Of course it is. You really think it would make a difference either way? +You really think it would make a difference either way? I don't know. +I don't know. Well the answer is that I don't know either. We haven't done it yet. +Well the answer is that I don't know either. We haven't done it yet. Never? +Never? I haven't felt like it. +I haven't felt like it. But not even before, when he was living upstairs? +But not even before, when he was living upstairs? No. I was living with you, remember? We've slept together but we haven't made love. Not yet. But I'll tell you one thing. The sleeping together is better. +No. I was living with you, remember? We've slept together but we haven't made love. Not yet. But I'll tell you one thing. The sleeping together is better. The sleeping together is better but not the sex because you haven't done it was him yet. +The sleeping together is better but not the sex because you haven't done it was him yet. Will you please just go? +Hi. Hi. I've been looking for an envelope of my receipts from last month and I'm thinking I didn't take them with me. Have you seen them around? +Hi. I've been looking for an envelope of my receipts from last month and I'm thinking I didn't take them with me. Have you seen them around? I'll look for 'em. How you doing? +I'll look for 'em. How you doing? I'm sorry to call, but I need that stuff... +I'm sorry to call, but I need that stuff... Fine, I'm sure it's in the file at home. I'll call you when I find it, and then we'll talk. +Fine, I'm sure it's in the file at home. I'll call you when I find it, and then we'll talk. We'll talk some other time. +We'll talk some other time. Great... That's great. +So, how are you? Have you slept with him yet? +Have you slept with him yet? I told you I slept with him. +I told you I slept with him. No, not -- I mean have you, you know -- +No, not -- I mean have you, you know -- Is that why you wanted to see me? +Is that why you wanted to see me? I guess. +I guess. Oh, Rob. What do you want me to say? +Oh, Rob. What do you want me to say? I want you to say that you haven't, and I want it to be the truth. +"You kind of have to start with Elvis Costello, but where? ""Motel Matches?"" ""I Want You?"" ""I Hope You're Happy Now?"" ""Green Shirt?"" His records should be sealed in cases that say ""in case of vicious betrayal, smash glass."" ""Where Did You Sleep Last Night,"" sure, but by Robert Johnson or by Nirvana? Maybe a Liz Phair track. There are a couple to get angry at instead of being angry with. Some devil's advocate stuff. The Silver Jews could be good when you're ready to start putting it all behind you... But I think we're getting ahead of ourselves there. Ah. Dylan. Bob fucking Dylan. Now Bob Dylan would --The phone rings. He pulls off his headphones and picks it up but says nothing." You must have known it would happen. You couldn't have been entirely unprepared. Like you said, I've been living with the guy. We were bound to get around to it sometime. +And anyway, I keep trying to tell you, that's not really the point, is it? The point is we got ourselves into an awful mess, Rob... Are you there? What are you thinking? Nothing. +Nothing. We can meet for another drink if you want. So I can explain it better. I owe you that much. +We can meet for another drink if you want. So I can explain it better. I owe you that much. Look, I gotta go. I work too, you know. +Look, I gotta go. I work too, you know. Will you call me? +Will you call me? I don't have your number. +I don't have your number. Call me at work. We can arrange to meet properly. I don't want this to be the last conversation we have. I know what you're like. +Call me at work. We can arrange to meet properly. I don't want this to be the last conversation we have. I know what you're like. You do, huh. +Hello. It's me. +It's me. I figured it was. Where are you? +I figured it was. Where are you? "I think the big question here is where are you, if you don't mind my saying so, and I think I know where you are. You're running. On the run. You're running from a point that everyone hits in any relationship, and you're just going to hit it again with Ian but it's going to be with a World Music bunny- rabbit-looking earth-shoe-wearing ""Doctor Who""-watching twit who doesn't really understand you, not the way that I do and will more in the future, and you'll have just wasted more time and arrive in the exact same place that you're in now, only later. And with... him." +"I think the big question here is where are you, if you don't mind my saying so, and I think I know where you are. You're running. On the run. You're running from a point that everyone hits in any relationship, and you're just going to hit it again with Ian but it's going to be with a World Music bunny- rabbit-looking earth-shoe-wearing ""Doctor Who""-watching twit who doesn't really understand you, not the way that I do and will more in the future, and you'll have just wasted more time and arrive in the exact same place that you're in now, only later. And with... him." I'm not -- hold on... +Are you still in love with me? Jesus. I do not know. I'll talk to you later. +Jesus. I do not know. I'll talk to you later. Think about what I said. I mean, if you want to experiment, or whatever -- +Think about what I said. I mean, if you want to experiment, or whatever -- I'm not experimenting. Why don't you go experiment. +I'm not experimenting. Why don't you go experiment. I don't want to. Don't need to. I love you. +I don't want to. Don't need to. I love you. You don't ever think about other people? +You don't ever think about other people? No... not really... I mean, I think about it... but no, I don't really think about it. +I called and called but you were out. I thought I'd be gone before you got back. Is that the last of it? +Is that the last of it? Yep. I might have missed some stuff. I'm so used to some things being here that I don't even notice them. +Yep. I might have missed some stuff. I'm so used to some things being here that I don't even notice them. Those look heavy. Where's Ian? +Those look heavy. Where's Ian? He's at home. Listen, I can't believe he went to the store. I'm mortified, actually. I'm really sorry. He had no right to do that, and I told him so. +He's at home. Listen, I can't believe he went to the store. I'm mortified, actually. I'm really sorry. He had no right to do that, and I told him so. It was kind of funny. +I'm sure. You still together? Going all right? +You still together? Going all right? I don't really want to talk about it, to be honest. +I don't really want to talk about it, to be honest. That bad, eh? +That bad, eh? You know what I mean. +Fix it up. It'll make you feel better. I'll bet you can't remember what you were doing here, can you? I mean, how much are you making now? Sixty? Seventy? And you were living in this shitty place. +I'll bet you can't remember what you were doing here, can you? I mean, how much are you making now? Sixty? Seventy? And you were living in this shitty place. You know I didn't mind. And it's not as if Ray's place is any better. +You know I didn't mind. And it's not as if Ray's place is any better. I'm sorry, but can we get this straight? What is his fucking name, Ian or Ray? What do you call him? +I'm sorry, but can we get this straight? What is his fucking name, Ian or Ray? What do you call him? Ray. I hate Ian. +Ray. I hate Ian. "I hate him too. So I just call him ""Mavis."" Or ""Sissyboy."" Or ""Mavis the Sissyboy.""" +This is where you're supposed to say that you haven't laughed this much in ages, and then you see the error of your ways. You make me laugh much more than Ray does, if that's what you're getting at. But I already knew you could make me laugh. It's everything else I don't know about. +You make me laugh much more than Ray does, if that's what you're getting at. But I already knew you could make me laugh. It's everything else I don't know about. You know I'm a good person. +You know I'm a good person. Mmm hmm. +Mmm hmm. You know that I can cook my ass off when I feel like it. +You know that I can cook my ass off when I feel like it. Oh ho, so very infrequently. +Don't forget your CDs. Those aren't mine. +Those aren't mine. Sure they are. +Sure they are. They're not really, though, are they? I know you bought them for me, and that was really sweet of you, but that was when you were trying to turn me into you. I can't take them, I know they'd just sit around staring at me, and I'd feel embarrassed by them and... they don't fit in with the rest of what's mine, do you understand? That Sting record you bought for me... that was a present for me. I like Sting and you hate him. But the rest of this stuff... Who the hell is Nick Lowe? Or Gram Parsons? Or the Boredoms? I don't know these people. I... +They're not really, though, are they? I know you bought them for me, and that was really sweet of you, but that was when you were trying to turn me into you. I can't take them, I know they'd just sit around staring at me, and I'd feel embarrassed by them and... they don't fit in with the rest of what's mine, do you understand? That Sting record you bought for me... that was a present for me. I like Sting and you hate him. But the rest of this stuff... Who the hell is Nick Lowe? Or Gram Parsons? Or the Boredoms? I don't know these people. I... Okay, okay. I get the picture. +Okay, okay. I get the picture. I'm sorry to go on about it. But, I don't know, there's a lesson here somewhere, and I want to make sure you get it. +I'm sorry to go on about it. But, I don't know, there's a lesson here somewhere, and I want to make sure you get it. I got it. You like Sting but you don't like Gram Parsons, because you've never heard of him. +I got it. You like Sting but you don't like Gram Parsons, because you've never heard of him. You're being deliberately obtuse. +You're being deliberately obtuse. I guess I am. +I guess I am. Well, think about it. +Hello. Hey, how ya doin'? +Guess who I just saw, right by my store? Ian. In Starbuck's. Neat, huh? I can't talk right now. +I can't talk right now. God, that's a cold and a half. Maybe you should bet back in bed. +Are you alright? Pigsty. +Pigsty. Don't worry about it. Just get into bed. Worry about that when you're better. +Don't worry about it. Just get into bed. Worry about that when you're better. Pig died. +Pig died. Who the fuck's Pig? +Who the fuck's Pig? My dad died. My dad, my dad. +I'm sorry. No, no. When are you going home? +No, no. When are you going home? In a minute. When I get it together. +Me? My dad liked you. And Mom never told him we'd split, because he wasn't up to it and... oh, I don't know. I don't really understand it. I think she thinks he'll be able to see what's going on. It's like... He's been through so much, what with dying and everything, that she doesn't want to upset him any more than she has to. +My dad liked you. And Mom never told him we'd split, because he wasn't up to it and... oh, I don't know. I don't really understand it. I think she thinks he'll be able to see what's going on. It's like... He's been through so much, what with dying and everything, that she doesn't want to upset him any more than she has to. Do you want me to be there? +Do you want me to be there? I don't care. As long as you don't expect me to hold your hand. +Look, are you coming or not? Yes, of course. +Yes, of course. Liz'll give you a lift. She knows where to go and everything... I don't have time to talk, Rob. I've got too much to do. +Liz'll give you a lift. She knows where to go and everything... I don't have time to talk, Rob. I've got too much to do. Sure. I'll see you on Friday. +Are you going to lie in that flower bed all night? Uh... No. +You're soaking. Mmnn. +Mmnn. You're also an idiot. +I can see why you say that. Look, I'm sorry. I really am. The last thing I wanted was... that's why I left, because... I lost it, and I didn't want to blow my top in there, and... look, the reason I fucked everything up was because I was scared. I just wanted you to know, that's all. Thank you. I appreciate it. I can't reciprocate. +Thank you. I appreciate it. I can't reciprocate. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I didn't mess things up because I was scared. I slept with Ray because I was sick of you. And I needed something to snap me out of it. +I didn't mess things up because I was scared. I slept with Ray because I was sick of you. And I needed something to snap me out of it. Sure, I understand. Look, I don't want to take up any more of your time. You get back, and I'll wait here for a bus. +Sure, I understand. Look, I don't want to take up any more of your time. You get back, and I'll wait here for a bus. I don't want to go back. +I don't want to go back. What do you want to do? +What do you want to do? C'mon. +When are you going back? I don't know. Sometime. Later. Listen, Rob, would you have sex with me? +I don't know. Sometime. Later. Listen, Rob, would you have sex with me? What? +What? I want to feel something else than this. It's either that or I go home and put my hand in the fire. Unless you want to stub cigarettes out on my arm. +I want to feel something else than this. It's either that or I go home and put my hand in the fire. Unless you want to stub cigarettes out on my arm. I've only got a couple left. I'm saving them for later. +I've only got a couple left. I'm saving them for later. It'll have to be sex, then. +Hello. It doesn't seem so long ago that I looked at you from here. Hi. +Hi. I knew there was a reason I wore a skirt today. +You know, with Ray... Oh, Rob, we're not going to go through that again. +Oh, Rob, we're not going to go through that again. No, no. It's not... are you still on the pill? +No, no. It's not... are you still on the pill? Yes, of course. There's nothing to worry about. +Yes, of course. There's nothing to worry about. I didn't mean that. I mean... was that all you used? +Look, we can do other things. I lived with you. You were my partner just a few weeks ago and now you're worried I might kill you, and you're entitled to worry. Isn't that a terrible thing? Isn't that sad? +Laura... I'm too tired not to go out with you. +So if you had a bit more energy we'd stay split. But things being how they are, what with you wiped out, you'd like us to get back together. Everything's too hard. Maybe another time I would have the guts to be on my own, but not now I don't. +Everything's too hard. Maybe another time I would have the guts to be on my own, but not now I don't. What about Ian? +What about Ian? Ray's a disaster. I don't know what that was all about, except that sometimes you need someone to lob into the middle of a bad relationship like a hand grenade, I guess, and blow it all apart. +Ray's a disaster. I don't know what that was all about, except that sometimes you need someone to lob into the middle of a bad relationship like a hand grenade, I guess, and blow it all apart. Mission accomplished. +Mission accomplished. I know it's not very romantic, but there will be romance again at some stage, I'm sure. I just... I need you, Rob. That's it. And we know each other and we care for each other, and you've made it clear that you want me back, so... +Let's go home. Okay? Okay. +C'mon. I want to know. Want to know what, exactly? +Want to know what, exactly? What it was like. +What it was like. It was like sex. What else could it be like? +It was like sex. What else could it be like? Was it like good sex or was it like bad sex? +Was it like good sex or was it like bad sex? What's the difference? +What's the difference? You know the difference. +You know the difference. Look, we're okay now. We just had a nice time. Let's leave it at that. +Look, we're okay now. We just had a nice time. Let's leave it at that. Okay, that's cool, okay. But the nice time we just had... was it nicer, as nice, or less nice than the nice times you were having a couple of weeks ago? +Oh, c'mon, Laura. Just say something. Lie, if you want. It'd stop me asking you questions and it'd make me feel better. Well I was gonna lie and now I can't, because you'd know I was lying. +Well I was gonna lie and now I can't, because you'd know I was lying. Well why the fuck would you want to lie, anyway? +Well why the fuck would you want to lie, anyway? To make you feel better. +To make you feel better. Oh, great... +Look, Rob. If great sex was as important as you think it is, and if I was having great sex with him, then we wouldn't be lying here now. And that is my last word on the subject, okay? Okay. +... Like Mexico. Or Jamaica. Or New York, even. Hey, great idea. What I'll do is, tomorrow I'll get a hold of a box full of mint Elvis Presley 78s on the Sub label, and I'll pay for it that way. +Hey, great idea. What I'll do is, tomorrow I'll get a hold of a box full of mint Elvis Presley 78s on the Sub label, and I'll pay for it that way. I'll pay for you. Even though you owe me money. We have to do something with the money I earn. I need to. I deserve it. You can just think of it as winning the lottery. +I'll pay for you. Even though you owe me money. We have to do something with the money I earn. I need to. I deserve it. You can just think of it as winning the lottery. Fantastic. The Girlfriend Lottery. +Fantastic. The Girlfriend Lottery. Money does not matter. I do not care how much you earn. I'd just like you to be a little happier in your work, but beyond that you can do what you like. +Money does not matter. I do not care how much you earn. I'd just like you to be a little happier in your work, but beyond that you can do what you like. But it wasn't supposed to be like this. When I met you we were the same people and now we're not, and... +But it wasn't supposed to be like this. When I met you we were the same people and now we're not, and... How? How were we the same people? +How? How were we the same people? Well, you were the kind of person who came to the Artful Dodger and I was the kind of person who deejayed at the Artful Dodger. You wore jeans and T-shirts, and so did I. And I still do, and you don't. +Well, you were the kind of person who came to the Artful Dodger and I was the kind of person who deejayed at the Artful Dodger. You wore jeans and T-shirts, and so did I. And I still do, and you don't. Because I'm not allowed to. I still do, after work. So, what? Should we just break up? Is that what you're saying? Because if you are, I'm going to run out of patience. +Because I'm not allowed to. I still do, after work. So, what? Should we just break up? Is that what you're saying? Because if you are, I'm going to run out of patience. No, but... +No, but... But what? +But what? But why doesn't it matter that we're not the same people we used to be? +But why doesn't it matter that we're not the same people we used to be? You haven't changed so much as a pair of socks in the years I've known you. If we've grown apart, then I'm the one who's done the growing, and all I've done is change jobs. +You haven't changed so much as a pair of socks in the years I've known you. If we've grown apart, then I'm the one who's done the growing, and all I've done is change jobs. And hairstyles and clothes and attitude and friends and... +And hairstyles and clothes and attitude and friends and... I can't go to work with my hair dyed pink. And I can afford to go shopping more now, and I've met a couple people I like over the last year or so. +I can't go to work with my hair dyed pink. And I can afford to go shopping more now, and I've met a couple people I like over the last year or so. You're tougher. +You're tougher. More confident, maybe. +More confident, maybe. Harder. +Harder. Less neurotic. Are you intending to stay the same for the rest of your life? +Less neurotic. Are you intending to stay the same for the rest of your life? I'm alright. +I'm alright. Yeah, you're alright. But you're certainly not happy. So what happens if you get happy? And yes I know that's the title of an Elvis Costello album, I use the reference deliberately to catch your attention. Should we split up because I'm used to you being miserable? What happens if you, I don't know, start you're own record label, and it's a success? Time for a new girlfriend? +Yeah, you're alright. But you're certainly not happy. So what happens if you get happy? And yes I know that's the title of an Elvis Costello album, I use the reference deliberately to catch your attention. Should we split up because I'm used to you being miserable? What happens if you, I don't know, start you're own record label, and it's a success? Time for a new girlfriend? You're being stupid. +You're being stupid. How? What would be the difference between you having a record label and me going from legal aid to private practice? +All I'm saying is, you have to allow for things to happen to people, most of all to yourself. Otherwise, what's the use? No use. +Hi. Hi. What are you doing? +Hi. What are you doing? Nothing. +Nothing. Wanna go to dinner? +Wanna go to dinner? Where? +Where? At Paul and Miranda's. Paul from work. +At Paul and Miranda's. Paul from work. Oh. Well. We don't really get along. Paul and I. +Oh. Well. We don't really get along. Paul and I. I know. But you've never met. It just seems like a stone unturned in your relationship with him. +I know. But you've never met. It just seems like a stone unturned in your relationship with him. Ha. +You did that deliberately. You knew all along I'd like them. It was a trick. I tricked you into meeting some people you'd think were great. I thought it would be fun to introduce you to someone with a Tina Turner album and then see whether you still felt the same way. +I called Dan Koretzky because he -- Has Drag City Records, I know, I know. You told Dan Koretzky about this? +Has Drag City Records, I know, I know. You told Dan Koretzky about this? "Yeah, and he said it's a good way to break out a record. Especially for what he said, and I quote, ""would be a highly anticipated event, locally."" He helped me put out a press release." +"Yeah, and he said it's a good way to break out a record. Especially for what he said, and I quote, ""would be a highly anticipated event, locally."" He helped me put out a press release." WHAT? +WHAT? Just local, of course. +Just local, of course. "And the ""triumphant return of DJ Rob Gordon?"" ""Triumphant?"" ""Return?""" +"And the ""triumphant return of DJ Rob Gordon?"" ""Triumphant?"" ""Return?""" I had that idea when I was living with Ian and it was such a good idea that I was annoyed we weren't together anymore. It might even be why I came back. +I had that idea when I was living with Ian and it was such a good idea that I was annoyed we weren't together anymore. It might even be why I came back. You had no right. Supposing I was doing something that couldn't be cancelled? +You had no right. Supposing I was doing something that couldn't be cancelled? What do you ever do that can't be cancelled? +What do you ever do that can't be cancelled? That's not the point. I mean, what if the single isn't done in time? +That's not the point. I mean, what if the single isn't done in time? Barry said its done. +Barry said its done. Barry? Barry knows about this? +Barry? Barry knows about this? Yeah. His band is playing a set. +They'll go on early. Nobody will even be there yet and I told them they can't play for more than a half hour. It's no joke. I'm responsible for what happens, you know. Embarrassment aside, there's a lot of money and effort in this, at least by my standards. I have to put down a deposit for the room. I have to pay the pressing plant for the records, sleeve them, sticker them -- +It's no joke. I'm responsible for what happens, you know. Embarrassment aside, there's a lot of money and effort in this, at least by my standards. I have to put down a deposit for the room. I have to pay the pressing plant for the records, sleeve them, sticker them -- We took care of that. +I'm sorry I've been acting like a jerk. I do appreciate what you've done for me, and I know you've done it for the best possible reasons, and I do love you, even though I act like I don't. That's okay. You seem pissed off all the time, though. +That's okay. You seem pissed off all the time, though. I know. I don't get it. +Are you worried about tomorrow night? Not really. +Are you going to talk to me, or shall I get my paper out? I'm going to talk to you. +I'm going to talk to you. Right. +What are you going to talk to me about? I'm going to talk to you about whether you want to get married or not. To me. +I'm going to talk to you about whether you want to get married or not. To me. Ha ha ha. Hoo hoo hoo. +Ha ha ha. Hoo hoo hoo. I mean it. +I mean it. I know. +I know. Oh, well thanks a fucking bunch. +Oh, well thanks a fucking bunch. I'm sorry. But two days ago you were in love with that girl who interviewed you for The Reader, weren't you? +I'm sorry. But two days ago you were in love with that girl who interviewed you for The Reader, weren't you? Not in love, exactly, but... +Not in love, exactly, but... Well forgive me if I don't think of you as the world's safest bet. +Well forgive me if I don't think of you as the world's safest bet. Would you marry me if I was? +Would you marry me if I was? No. Probably not. +No. Probably not. Right. Okay, then. Shall we go? +Right. Okay, then. Shall we go? Don't sulk. What brought all this on? +Don't sulk. What brought all this on? I don't know. +I don't know. Very persuasive. +Very persuasive. Are you persuadable? +Are you persuadable? No. I don't think so. I'm just curious about how one goes from making tapes for one person to marriage proposals to another in two days. Fair enough? +No. I don't think so. I'm just curious about how one goes from making tapes for one person to marriage proposals to another in two days. Fair enough? Fair enough. +Fair enough. So? +So? I'm just sick of thinking about it all the time. +I'm just sick of thinking about it all the time. About what? +About what? This stuff. Love and marriage. I want to think about something else. +This stuff. Love and marriage. I want to think about something else. I've changed my mind. That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. I do. I will. +I've changed my mind. That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. I do. I will. Shut up. I'm only trying to explain. +Shut up. I'm only trying to explain. I mean, maybe you're right. But were you really expecting me to say yes? +I mean, maybe you're right. But were you really expecting me to say yes? I dunno. Didn't think about it, really. It was the asking that was the important thing. +I dunno. Didn't think about it, really. It was the asking that was the important thing. Well, you've asked. +I'm an idiot. I should have played the record first. This place is about to get burned down. It's gonna be fine. These people are ready for anything. +Rob here. Hey. It's Liz. +Hey. It's Liz. What's happenin'. +What's happenin'. You called this morning? +You called this morning? Yeah. I just wanted to thank you for that message last night. It made me feel like... like less of an asshole. +Yeah. I just wanted to thank you for that message last night. It made me feel like... like less of an asshole. How're you holding up? +How're you holding up? "Actually, I'm fine. I'm great. Last night I got to thinking, ""you know what? Maybe it is time to move on. Maybe we're just not right for each other. Or maybe we are. But time will tell and at this point I'm going to be fine with whatever's meant to be."" You know?" +"Actually, I'm fine. I'm great. Last night I got to thinking, ""you know what? Maybe it is time to move on. Maybe we're just not right for each other. Or maybe we are. But time will tell and at this point I'm going to be fine with whatever's meant to be."" You know?" Yeah. Like I said, I don't want to take sides. And I like Laura with you. She's more fun, more open. You guys are good together. I just wish you two could, I don't know. I don't think much of this Ian guy -- +What's the -- hey, Liz -- -- No, no, no, don't even. I talked to Laura, Rob. I talked to her and she gave me a little background. And you're a fucking ASSHOLE. +To think I sympathized with you for two seconds! Poor Rob! Laura left him out of nowhere for the schmuck upstairs. You let me believe that! It's true! +It's true! "Rob! Two years ago you got Laura pregnant; you then proceeded to cheat on her! You borrowed money from her and never paid a dime back! And then, just a few weeks ago, you told her you were unhappy with her and were ""kind of looking around for somebody else!""" +"Rob! Two years ago you got Laura pregnant; you then proceeded to cheat on her! You borrowed money from her and never paid a dime back! And then, just a few weeks ago, you told her you were unhappy with her and were ""kind of looking around for somebody else!""" Well she -- +So the minister says nice things, and then, what, we all troop outside and they bury him? It's a crematorium. +It's a crematorium. You're kidding. A crematorium? Jesus. +You're kidding. A crematorium? Jesus. What difference does it make? +What difference does it make? Is Ray going? +Is Ray going? No. They don't know him. And Ken liked you. Rob, Ken didn't die for your benefit, you know. It's like everybody's a supporting actor in the film of your life story. +No. They don't know him. And Ken liked you. Rob, Ken didn't die for your benefit, you know. It's like everybody's a supporting actor in the film of your life story. Isn't that how it is for everybody? +Enough, Liz. Enough of what? +Enough of what? I know I can't speak now because Laura's father died, and I just have to take it because otherwise I'm a bad guy, with the emphasis on guy, self-centered. Well, I'm fucking not, not all the time, anyway, I'm really sorry Jo. But you know, Liz... I can either stick up for myself or believe everything you say about me and end up hating myself. And maybe you think I should, but it's not much of a life, you know? +I know I can't speak now because Laura's father died, and I just have to take it because otherwise I'm a bad guy, with the emphasis on guy, self-centered. Well, I'm fucking not, not all the time, anyway, I'm really sorry Jo. But you know, Liz... I can either stick up for myself or believe everything you say about me and end up hating myself. And maybe you think I should, but it's not much of a life, you know? Maybe I've been a little unfair. But is this really the time? +Maybe I've been a little unfair. But is this really the time? Only because it's never the time. I can't go on apologizing my whole life, you know? +Only because it's never the time. I can't go on apologizing my whole life, you know? "If by ""we"" you are referring to men, then I have to say that just the once would do." +Good. 'Cause I'm enjoying myself. Good. +So you live in Chicago now? Yup. Not far from here, actually. +Don't you like that? No, no, I love, it's just, thinking you're, you must be so sick of it... Well. +Hi, Marie. Everything go alright? +She just wanted to pick up some stuff. No big thing. A relief, actually. "God, I hate that time. That pick up stuff time. I just went through that before I came here. You know that song ""Patsy Cline Times Two"" I play? That's about me and my ex dividing up our record collections." +"God, I hate that time. That pick up stuff time. I just went through that before I came here. You know that song ""Patsy Cline Times Two"" I play? That's about me and my ex dividing up our record collections." It's a great song. +It's a great song. Thank you. +Is that why you came to Chicago in the first place? Because of, you know, dividing up your record collection and stuff? Yup. +You share a place with T-Bone? No way! I'd cramp his style. And I wouldn't want to listen to all that stuff happening on the other side of the bedroom wall. I'm way to unattached for that. +No way! I'd cramp his style. And I wouldn't want to listen to all that stuff happening on the other side of the bedroom wall. I'm way to unattached for that. I understand completely. +Awhile back, Dick and Barry and I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Yeah, but if you heard this band called the Crumblers, you'd -- +Yeah, but if you heard this band called the Crumblers, you'd -- What do you mean, the Crumblers? You know the Crumblers? Nobody's heard the Crumblers. Except me. +What do you mean, the Crumblers? You know the Crumblers? Nobody's heard the Crumblers. Except me. Yeah, I know the Crumblers! I bought a used Blasters album in New York about ten years ago and somebody left a Crumblers single in it. My everything changed for a couple of weeks. +Books, records, films -- these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the damn truth, and by this measure I was having one of the best dates of my life. Yeah, but you know what's his best film and nobody's even seen it? +Yeah, but you know what's his best film and nobody's even seen it? The Conformist. +The Conformist. Exactly! Fucking ex-actly! +Exactly! Fucking ex-actly! You haven't even seen it! +You haven't even seen it! Nor have you! +Are you okay? Yes. You? +Yes. You? For now. But I wouldn't be if I thought this was the end of the evening. +For now. But I wouldn't be if I thought this was the end of the evening. I'm sure it isn't. +I'm sure it isn't. Good. In that case, I'll fix us something else to drink. You sticking to the whiskey or you want coffee? +Good. In that case, I'll fix us something else to drink. You sticking to the whiskey or you want coffee? Whiskey. +Tops off two whiskeys and starts into the other room where she sees Rob, standing and holding his jacket. I'd better go. I gotta get up early. Go over to my parents'. +I'd better go. I gotta get up early. Go over to my parents'. When I said before that I hoped it wasn't the end of the evening, I was, you know... talking about breakfast and stuff. +I'd like it if you could stay the night. Oh, right. Alright. +Oh, right. Alright. Jesus, so much for delicacy. I pegged you for a master of understatement, beating around the bush and all that buzz. +Jesus, so much for delicacy. I pegged you for a master of understatement, beating around the bush and all that buzz. I use it but I don't understand it when other people use it. +I use it but I don't understand it when other people use it. So you'll stay? +So you'll stay? Yeah. +Yeah. Good. +Would you like me to turn the lights out? Or would you like them on? God, you ask a lot of questions. +Which way are you going? That way. You? +That way. You? That way. +That way. And so it is. I'll talk to you later. +And so it is. I'll talk to you later. I'll call you. +I'll call you. Right. +Yeah? Hi, Rob. It's your mother. +Hi, Mom. Everything all right? +Everything all right? Great. Super-fantastic. +Great. Super-fantastic. How's the store? +How's the store? So so. Up and down. +So so. Up and down. Your lucky Laura's doing so well. If it wasn't for her, I don't think either of us would ever sleep... +She left. She's gone. What do you mean? Where did she go? +What do you mean? Where did she go? How would I know? Gone. Girlfriend. Leave. Not say where gone. Laura move out. +How would I know? Gone. Girlfriend. Leave. Not say where gone. Laura move out. Well call her mother. +Well call her mother. She just called. She doesn't even know. It's probably the last time I'll ever hear her voice. That's weird, isn't it? You spend Christmas at somebody's house, you know, and you worry about their operations and you see them in their bathrobe, and... I dunno... +Hello? Anybody there? I'm all right, if that's what's upsetting you. +I'm all right, if that's what's upsetting you. You know that's not what's upsetting me. +You know that's not what's upsetting me. Well it fucking should be, shouldn't it? +Well it fucking should be, shouldn't it? I knew this would happen. What are you going to do Rob? +I knew this would happen. What are you going to do Rob? I'm going to drink this bottle of wine watch TV and go to bed. Then tomorrow I'll get up and go to work. +I'm going to drink this bottle of wine watch TV and go to bed. Then tomorrow I'll get up and go to work. And after that? +And after that? Meet a nice girl and have children. I promise the next time we talk I'll have it all sorted out. +Meet a nice girl and have children. I promise the next time we talk I'll have it all sorted out. I knew this was going to happen. +I knew this was going to happen. Then what are you getting so upset about? +Then what are you getting so upset about? What did Laura say? Do you know why she left? +What did Laura say? Do you know why she left? It's got nothing to do with marriage, if that's what you're getting at. +It's got nothing to do with marriage, if that's what you're getting at. So you say. I'd like to hear her side of it. +So you say. I'd like to hear her side of it. Mom! For the last fucking time, I'm telling you Laura didn't want to get married! She is not that kind of girl! To use a phrase. That's not what happens now. +Mom! For the last fucking time, I'm telling you Laura didn't want to get married! She is not that kind of girl! To use a phrase. That's not what happens now. Well I don't know what happens now, apart from you meet someone, you move in, she goes. You meet someone, you move in, she goes. +What do you think? It's the best collection I've ever seen. +It's the best collection I've ever seen. Give me fifty bucks and they're all yours. +These are worth at least, I don't know -- I know what they're worth. Give me fifty and get them out. +I know what they're worth. Give me fifty and get them out. But you must have -- +But you must have -- I must have nothing. Their my husband's. +I must have nothing. Their my husband's. And you must not be getting along too well right now, huh? +And you must not be getting along too well right now, huh? He's in Jamaica with a twenty-three- year-old. A friend of my daughter's. He had the fucking nerve to call me and ask me to borrow some money and I told him to fuck off, so he asked me to sell his singles collection and send him a check for whatever I go, minus a ten percent commission. Which reminds me. Can you make sure you give me a five? I want to frame it and put it on the wall. +He's in Jamaica with a twenty-three- year-old. A friend of my daughter's. He had the fucking nerve to call me and ask me to borrow some money and I told him to fuck off, so he asked me to sell his singles collection and send him a check for whatever I go, minus a ten percent commission. Which reminds me. Can you make sure you give me a five? I want to frame it and put it on the wall. It must have taken him a long time to get them together. +It must have taken him a long time to get them together. Years. This collection is as close as he's ever come to an achievement. +Look. Can I pay you properly? You don't have to tell him what you got. Send him forty-five bucks and blow the rest. Give it to charity. Or something. That wasn't part of the deal. I want to be poisonous but fair. +That wasn't part of the deal. I want to be poisonous but fair. Look... I... I'm sorry. I don't want to be any part of this. +Look... I... I'm sorry. I don't want to be any part of this. Suit yourself. There are plenty of others who will. +Suit yourself. There are plenty of others who will. That's why I'm trying to compromise. What about fifteen-hundred? They're worth five times that. +That's why I'm trying to compromise. What about fifteen-hundred? They're worth five times that. Sixty. +Sixty. Thirteen hundred. +Thirteen hundred. Seventy-five. +Seventy-five. Eleven-hundred. That's my lowest offer. +Eleven-hundred. That's my lowest offer. And I won't take a penny over ninety. +With eleven hundred he could come home, and that's the last thing I want. I'm sorry but I think you better talk to someone else. +I'm sorry but I think you better talk to someone else. Fine. +Can I buy this Otis Redding single off you? Sure. Ten cents. +Sure. Ten cents. Oh, come on! Let me give you ten dollars for this, and you can give the rest away for all I care. +Oh, come on! Let me give you ten dollars for this, and you can give the rest away for all I care. Okay. Because you took the trouble to come up here. And because you've got principles. But that's it. I'm not selling them to you one by one. +Eno import. Sigue Sigue Sputnik. Break beats. Serge Gainsbourg. Ryuchi Sakamoto, Syd Barrett... What's going on here? Are you guys stealing for other people now? Naw. Those are for us. +Naw. Those are for us. Oh really. You two are slamming to Nico now? +I think you have more. Well we don't. +Well we don't. I can't frisk you but the cops can. +Jesus. That thing's been in the bargain bin for six months! Was it just your criminal nature or what? Hell, I would've given it to you for free. No, we... +"Uh, yes I, like, do... It's simple. You make the tracks -- recording studio -- deliver them to the pressing plant where a master is cut, the master is then dubbed to submasters, which are the ""mothers,"" as their called, for each press in the plant. You press the CD's or records, put in your cover art, and that's it." Records are those big round black things, right? +Records are those big round black things, right? Fuck off. +It's rough. But it shows promise. We record a couple of songs right, in a studio. I'll take care of the rest. I'll put out your record. Any profits after recouping expenses get split down the middle, between us and you guys. Wait a minute. Island Records charged U2 a million five against their overhead for one plane ride. +Wait a minute. Island Records charged U2 a million five against their overhead for one plane ride. We're not there yet, Justin. +We're not there yet, Justin. I'm Vince. +I'm Vince. Whatever. +We saw this ad in the personals for two swingers lookin' for a Renaissance fair. Nice. +Nice. What's the name of your label? +I can't figure out why he's doing it. He's been Richard Taupin at least since 1967. And the guys rich. You should see the stuff he has in that shop. Maybe he's hiding from something. +Maybe he's hiding from something. Some guy named Smith was asking about him in Church Hill. I passed his name around with your buddies downtown but they drew a blank. So he isn't a cop. District anyway. +Probably just some exec ducking an ex-wife. Dr. Kidell had a picture in his file of the funeral. The father looked just like Richard. Even had a mark on his cheek. +Dr. Kidell had a picture in his file of the funeral. The father looked just like Richard. Even had a mark on his cheek. How old is Richard? +How old is Richard? P.D. says 41, but he barely looks 30. +P.D. says 41, but he barely looks 30. Find the father. That should clear things up. +Taupin, isn't that the guy Moran picked up the other night? Yeah. +Yeah. He'd want to know about all this. +He'd want to know about all this. Mr. Congeniality? Let him find his own clues. There's a journal article in this somewhere. +Mr. Congeniality? Let him find his own clues. There's a journal article in this somewhere. Uncle Joey's little girl. Can't get the taste out of her mouth. +Well, the cream of society awaits. If you're ever in the neighborhood... Sure. +I warned you. Go to hell. +Doesn't have a head, does he? This one came unassembled. +How's your uncle? I hardly ever see him anymore. Fine. +"Didn't look like it came from ""Toys-Are-Us"", that's why I called you." Didn't think it was my buddy over there. +Didn't think it was my buddy over there. Figured you knew more about swords than I did. +Figured you knew more about swords than I did. Claymore. +Claymore. Huh? +Huh? Scottish claymore. Take a French epee, add twenty pounds of ballast so it means business, and you've got a claymore. +Scottish claymore. Take a French epee, add twenty pounds of ballast so it means business, and you've got a claymore. You're the expert. +You're the expert. It's in good condition. +That stuff'll put you away if you're not careful. There was a Count. Count Dusan. He would invite the local peasants to his chateau, fill them full of wine, then slice their bellies so he could reuse it. The symmetry of that somehow always appealed to me. +There was a Count. Count Dusan. He would invite the local peasants to his chateau, fill them full of wine, then slice their bellies so he could reuse it. The symmetry of that somehow always appealed to me. You're very macabre. +You're very macabre. It's my birthday. +It's my birthday. Happy birthday. +Happy birthday. Thanks. +Would you like more tea? No thank you, I'm fine. +He was unsual. Why? +Why? Well, this is a small town, and it was even smaller then. Most all the babies I delivered were from local families. Richard's parents were just passing through when his mother's time came. I did it right here at the house. +Well, this is a small town, and it was even smaller then. Most all the babies I delivered were from local families. Richard's parents were just passing through when his mother's time came. I did it right here at the house. Then you didn't know Richard later on. +Then you didn't know Richard later on. No. +No. I've been trying to find somebody who knew him and any connections his family might have had with museums or historical societies. +I've been trying to find somebody who knew him and any connections his family might have had with museums or historical societies. Don't know about any of that. Suppose nobody does. +Don't know about any of that. Suppose nobody does. I don't follow you. +I don't follow you. Poor little tyke didn't have a chance. Hopelessly premature. He died a few days after he was born. +Poor little tyke didn't have a chance. Hopelessly premature. He died a few days after he was born. The boy _died_? +The boy _died_? Mother too. Sad case it was. The young lady just couldn't make it through labor. Never even saw her son. +Have you spoken to anyone else about this? There was this one fella. Asked a lot of questions. I was out of town but I heard he spent near a full day in the records office. +There was this one fella. Asked a lot of questions. I was out of town but I heard he spent near a full day in the records office. Would you remember his name? +Would you remember his name? Carl Smith. +This is against the rules. So's playing choo-choo with two high school cheerleaders in the middle of- +So's playing choo-choo with two high school cheerleaders in the middle of- -Okay okay. +-Okay okay. You owe me. Besides, I'm cute. +Taupin, Richard Marshall. Born March 16, 1945 in Church Hill, Maryland. Received first driver permit 1967 in Philadelphia. Church Hill, that's pretty close, isn't it? +Church Hill, that's pretty close, isn't it? Anything in Maryland is close. +Do you play? Yes. +Yes. Very traditional. +Miss Cartwright, what is it I can do for you? I'd like to ask you about the claymore. +I'd like to ask you about the claymore. It's not mine. +It's not mine. It's quite rare you know, some- thing so common in its time so well looked after all these years. +It's quite rare you know, some- thing so common in its time so well looked after all these years. Miss Cartwright, unless you have come here to sell the sword, there's very little I can help you with. Now if you will excuse me, I have a great deal of work to do. +Byzantine? Basil the II. +Basil the II. Charming guy, Basil. Once after beating an army of Serbians he blinded all but- +Charming guy, Basil. Once after beating an army of Serbians he blinded all but- -All but one out of a hundred, I know. All left to be led like donkeys back home. Now if you will please- +Good reflexes. Good day, Miss Cartwright. +Someone beat you. Have you taken to touring small town cemetaries, Miss Cartwright? +Have you taken to touring small town cemetaries, Miss Cartwright? Grave robbers? +Grave robbers? Probably. +Probably. Who? +Who? People like that rarely leave business cards. +People like that rarely leave business cards. Does Carl Smith? +I don't know what you're talking about. I think you do. Better yet, I don't think anything was stolen because nothing was there in the first place. And I think Mr. Smith, whoever he is, now knows that. +I think you do. Better yet, I don't think anything was stolen because nothing was there in the first place. And I think Mr. Smith, whoever he is, now knows that. You have an active imagination. +You have an active imagination. I've been to Church Hill. +I've been to Church Hill. Miss Cartwright, you are involving yourself in matters that do not concern you. I strongly suggest you return to Washington and stay out of small town cemetaries. +I have friends. I doubt that. Good day, Miss Cartwright. +Jesus Christ. You'll be safe here. He won't kill in a church. +You'll be safe here. He won't kill in a church. Why not? +Why not? Tradition. +Tradition. What the hell is going on? +He tried to kill me last night. Where? +Where? Dupont Circle. +Who is he? At the moment? Carl Smith. +At the moment? Carl Smith. And you? +What will you do now? You needn't worry Miss Cartwright. I've been at this a very long time. +You needn't worry Miss Cartwright. I've been at this a very long time. "He called you ""MacLeod""." +"He called you ""MacLeod""." Not your concern. +Not your concern. I left a man dead in Felton. But you don't really care, do you? +I left a man dead in Felton. But you don't really care, do you? That bothers you? +That bothers you? He was innocent. +He was innocent. He's dead. Whatever I may or may not feel means exceedingly little to him now. +He's dead. Whatever I may or may not feel means exceedingly little to him now. What about me? +What about me? You? +You? I'm a witness to a murder. That seems to put me pretty high on your friend's chop list. +I'm a witness to a murder. That seems to put me pretty high on your friend's chop list. Have you gone to the police? +Have you gone to the police? No. +No. Why not? I'm sure they'd love to hear your story. +Why not? I'm sure they'd love to hear your story. I'd rather hear yours. +I'd rather hear yours. You are being foolish. +You are being foolish. I'm a historian, Mr. Taupin. Only once in a lifetime do you stare history in the face. +I'm a historian, Mr. Taupin. Only once in a lifetime do you stare history in the face. Go home. +He sees me as a threat. Are you? +No. No one knows you're here? +No one knows you're here? No. I had to talk to you. +No. I had to talk to you. You had to do _nothing_! +You had to do _nothing_! You're wrong. +You're wrong. You're a fool. +You're a fool. Maybe. +Is this what you killed them with? You've been listening to rumors. +You've been listening to rumors. Our cars were seen together in Felton. They're calling me an accessory to murder. +Our cars were seen together in Felton. They're calling me an accessory to murder. You are. Now. +What's all that? Richard Taupin has become cumbersome. It would be best if he just disappeared. +You did kill those men. Not all of them. +Not all of them. When you finish, what then? +When you finish, what then? I go my way and you can write all you want about the big bad Mr. Taupin. +I go my way and you can write all you want about the big bad Mr. Taupin. You make it all sound so simple. +You make it all sound so simple. The only real difficulty comes in changing over the ownership of property I've aquired. That requires certain records and most importantly a personal appearance at the county seat in Gettysburg. But that's where you come in. +The only real difficulty comes in changing over the ownership of property I've aquired. That requires certain records and most importantly a personal appearance at the county seat in Gettysburg. But that's where you come in. You want me to front for you. +You want me to front for you. The less exposure I recieve around government buildings the better. You, as Mrs. Taupin, will attract considerably less attention than I. +There was a man once. Just a simple woodcarver. But he understood. More than anyone he could see to the heart of it. It never ends. Today is the same as the first. Tomorrow will be the same as today. So much time. And all of it wasted. You love history? Yes. +Yes. I wish I could. +The estate stuff is pretty straight forward. Just lots of forms and an appearance at the county seat. It will take some time for the forms to clear before you go to Gettysburg. +No. So what now? We just wait? Yes. +Yes. Well, as long as we're stuck here. +It's some sort of party the town is throwing. They do it each year. +They do it each year. I thought it might be a nice break from all of this. +Maybe it would do us both good. There's a catch. You're supposed to wear 19th century clothing. +Here, try this. I suppose they're still making women the same as back then. It's beautiful. +It's beautiful. A little dusty. +I don't know any of these. I'll make a fool of myself. Follow me. +William Taupin seems to have left his mark. Yes. +Yes. And you are William Taupin, aren't you? +And you are William Taupin, aren't you? Yes. +You're using your son's name. No. Just the child of some lonely girl I gave a ride to. When they died I put them in a grave with my name on it. Twenty years later I became the son. +Then you must be at least 70 years old. At least. +At least. That's impossible. +It's frightening sometimes the way you talk about other people's lives. A factor of age. +A factor of age. I hope I never get that old. +I hope I never get that old. You won't. +I must be insane. Leaving work, ditching cops. All to follow a murderer. A very old murderer, but a murderer just the same. Why are you here? +Why are you here? I've been telling myself it's the award winning journal article I'm going to write. But it's not. It's you. +I've been telling myself it's the award winning journal article I'm going to write. But it's not. It's you. I see. +I see. I'm not even sure why. +I'm not even sure why. Hardly a reason to run off with a murderer. +Hardly a reason to run off with a murderer. My life has been chock full of people with complications and weak- nesses. I can't stand it. But you're different. It's in your hands. A clarity. +My life has been chock full of people with complications and weak- nesses. I can't stand it. But you're different. It's in your hands. A clarity. You are a very perceptive young woman. +You are a very perceptive young woman. Just a little crazy. +Who are you? That would be difficult to explain. +That would be difficult to explain. I'd like you to try. +I carried that rifle in World War I. This book is a 16th Century policy report for the King of Austria. The diploma is my con- ference of degree in Latin from Trinity College. Class of 1672. It goes on. That's why Smith called you MacLeod. +That's why Smith called you MacLeod. Yes. +Yes. He knows about you. +He knows about you. He is older than I. +He is older than I. What could possibly be worth all this murder and distruction. +What could possibly be worth all this murder and distruction. Sometimes I think it's just for something to do. A conquest to be the last. Something to hold onto while everything else around you withers and blows away. Some- thing to replace the love that can never work. +Sometimes I think it's just for something to do. A conquest to be the last. Something to hold onto while everything else around you withers and blows away. Some- thing to replace the love that can never work. That's insane. +That's insane. Perhaps. There is something more. An inheritance. +Perhaps. There is something more. An inheritance. Of bodies. +Of bodies. I didn't kill the watchman. +I didn't kill the watchman. You killed those other two. +You killed those other two. Not the same. +Not the same. What about that family in '31? +What about that family in '31? Sometimes innocents become involved. +Sometimes innocents become involved. You and your buddy make a real team, don't you? Exchanging eloquent threats in iambic pen- tameter while hacking up all the innocents in between. +You and your buddy make a real team, don't you? Exchanging eloquent threats in iambic pen- tameter while hacking up all the innocents in between. There are differences. +There are differences. You kill with your left hand? +You kill with your left hand? I haven't killed _you_. +I haven't killed _you_. Is that a threat? +Don't. Come here, Brenna. +Come here, Brenna. Damn you. +What is it like? Being you? Empty. And fear. Fear of those that would kill you and fear of those that would love you. It can never last, and in the end you always end up destroying both. +Empty. And fear. Fear of those that would kill you and fear of those that would love you. It can never last, and in the end you always end up destroying both. But you're known so much. History I'll only read about. +But you're known so much. History I'll only read about. It's all the same. Half lives that never go away. +It's all the same. Half lives that never go away. What is it you want? +What is it you want? All of it finished. +Gettysburg's an hour's drive at most. You should be back by nightfall. Will I see you again? +Will I see you again? Be careful. Don't stay any longer than you have to. +What's wrong? I can't stand it. Oh God, I can't stand it! +What is it? I'm the last. Oh Christ, I'm the _last one_! +Get out. No! +No! I'll destroy you. I've destroyed everything I've ever touched! Oh God... +The emptyness. The years and years of void. Nothingness. Bordered only by the quest for ultimate nothingness. Who would have guessed? The inheritance. +The inheritance. Not power. Not control. +Life. It is the gift and the under- standing of life. You have lived forever. +You have lived forever. Life is only life when it is bounded by death. The inheritance is death. The gift is the finality of life. To be part of the fabric. The inside. I love you Brenna. +It will be horrible. The future. I may die tomorrow or 10,000 tomorrows. I can promise you nothing. Nothing but a moment. Maybe two. But a moment of love, is that not worth a lifetime? Yes. +Forget it. I'm just curious. +I'm just curious. "You're never ""just curious"". You've met my neice, Brenna." +Aren't you getting a little old for this? You flunked out of law school. Now there's a new topic. +Now there's a new topic. Don't they have enough for you to do at the castle? +Forgers do it all the time. They take the birth certificate of some- one who died young and use it to get legit I.D. Usually they carry it long enough to pass some bad checks then dump it. Thanks. +Thanks. Call your mother. You never call her. +A murder. You better have a warrant. That's my notebook, you've got no right to be sticking your fingers into it. +You better have a warrant. That's my notebook, you've got no right to be sticking your fingers into it. I've got a morgue filling up with bodies. That's my right. +I've got a morgue filling up with bodies. That's my right. What do you want from me? +What do you want from me? Well, the man of the hour that we all would like to talk to about now has apparently skipped town. And all of a sudden the Smithsonian's ambulence chaser is an expert on missing persons. +I'm calling an attorney. You and I should talk first. +You and I should talk first. We've got nothing to say. +What are you going to tell them? That you're protecting a man who's killed four people? Four? +Four? All fashionably without heads. +All fashionably without heads. Spare me the details. +Spare me the details. But there's more. Wednesday someone played javelin with the cemetary curator in Felton, Delaware. Some locals spotted two cars with D.C. plates and surprise surprise, they turn out to be registered to our own Brenna Cartwright and the ever popular Richard Taupin. +But there's more. Wednesday someone played javelin with the cemetary curator in Felton, Delaware. Some locals spotted two cars with D.C. plates and surprise surprise, they turn out to be registered to our own Brenna Cartwright and the ever popular Richard Taupin. What are you getting at, Moran? +What are you getting at, Moran? You've been a busy little beaver. Especially with that records mess up in Church Hill. Your notes are very complete. Naturally my feelings were crushed when you didn't rush right over and tell us what you knew. In fact, we're considering book- ing the ambulence chaser as an accessory to murder. +You've been a busy little beaver. Especially with that records mess up in Church Hill. Your notes are very complete. Naturally my feelings were crushed when you didn't rush right over and tell us what you knew. In fact, we're considering book- ing the ambulence chaser as an accessory to murder. It'll never stick. +It'll never stick. But we might just give it the 'ole college try. What with the court back ups, it could be days before you got an arraignment. But then, I'm sure the flunk-out neice of the D.A. knows all about that. +But we might just give it the 'ole college try. What with the court back ups, it could be days before you got an arraignment. But then, I'm sure the flunk-out neice of the D.A. knows all about that. You're an asshole, Moran. +You're an asshole, Moran. I want Taupin. +I want Taupin. What makes you so sure he's the one? +What makes you so sure he's the one? Just for laughs we raided wonder boy's house. There was a gallon of one of the corpse's blood in his carpet. I think it was about then I withdrew his name for humanitarian of the year. +Just for laughs we raided wonder boy's house. There was a gallon of one of the corpse's blood in his carpet. I think it was about then I withdrew his name for humanitarian of the year. What's all of this got to do with me? +What's all of this got to do with me? What were you doing in Felton? +What were you doing in Felton? Research. If your pal was there I never saw him. +Research. If your pal was there I never saw him. I have witnesses that can put the two of you together. +I have witnesses that can put the two of you together. Never take up poker, Detective. +Never take up poker, Detective. Don't be stupid, lady. Your neck can be sliced as fast as anyone else's. +Come on Brenna, your ass is already in a sling, don't drag me into it. All I need is for you to check the name. +All I need is for you to check the name. You talked to your supervisor lately? He's burning up the place about you just dropping out of sight. That on top of the cops bugging him. +You talked to your supervisor lately? He's burning up the place about you just dropping out of sight. That on top of the cops bugging him. I'll take care of that Corey, but I need this now. +Corey, you _owe_ me. It's that important? +It's that important? Yeah. +Good way to lose your job. Some job. Card filing and cabinet dusting. Four years in this dump and I haven't written anything for Wilson that a wounded yak couldn't do. +Some job. Card filing and cabinet dusting. Four years in this dump and I haven't written anything for Wilson that a wounded yak couldn't do. I liked the bit you did about Baltic chastity belts. Too bad no one else did. +I liked the bit you did about Baltic chastity belts. Too bad no one else did. It's bullshit. Everything. My job, the people I get involved with, I'm up to here with it. +It's bullshit. Everything. My job, the people I get involved with, I'm up to here with it. You always were hard to impress. +Who is it? Not who. What. Worstick's a town in Pennsylvania. +I don't believe him. Why? +Why? He's too cool. Too sharp. I think he's got something to do with it. +Hang on a sec, you did your little favor for the boys downtown, I'm sure your uncle and the rest are perfectly capable of taking it from here. I've seen nobleman swords that weren't as well preserved. It's just a hunk of peasant iron. Why would he be carrying it around in an alley? +Someone should check him out. Maybe a collection somewhere got knocked over. He has one, he might have two. You see that desk? _Your_ desk? You see the crap piled up on it? +You see that desk? _Your_ desk? You see the crap piled up on it? Give it a rest Ned, huh? +Requiem acer'nam donaei- What are you doing man? +What are you doing man? -Et lux perpetua- +-Et lux perpetua- You'll not be bringing the church into this. +You'll not be bringing the church into this. -Luceat ei- +Be quiet. -Auditorium nostrum- +-Auditorium nostrum- Stop. +Stop. -In nomine sanctus esperitu- +-In nomine sanctus esperitu- Stop! +Afternoon. Your name is Conor? +Your name is Conor? Aye. +Aye. Juan Cid Romirez. Chief surveyor and alchemist. +Juan Cid Romirez. Chief surveyor and alchemist. You're not from these parts. +You're not from these parts. I am from Spain. And I would like a moment of your time. +I haven't much to offer, Mr. Romirez from Spain, but you're welcome to what's here. Please go to no trouble. +Your back, it would seem perhaps you were injured in battle? Five years past me clan fought another over some- thing I cannot even re- member. +Five years past me clan fought another over some- thing I cannot even re- member. Your marks would suggest great injury. +Your marks would suggest great injury. I was nearly killed. +I was nearly killed. But you lived. +I did at that. And but for a mark you are well as any man, no? +And but for a mark you are well as any man, no? Aye. +Aye. I should imagine that your recovery must have alarmed your fellow villagers, perhaps giving them reason to invent an explanation. And a solution. +I was driven out. And now you live in a small village miles away from all you knew. +And now you live in a small village miles away from all you knew. How can you know this? +How can you know this? First food, no? A good meal makes conversation so much easier. +Hmm, que rico. What is it you call this? Pheasant. +Pheasant. You Scots have a way with game. It still has life in it. Spirit. Back home the food is so...domestic. +You Scots have a way with game. It still has life in it. Spirit. Back home the food is so...domestic. Why are you here? +Why are you here? I was sent by his majesty of Spain to Inverness as a con- sultant on matters of metal. +I was sent by his majesty of Spain to Inverness as a con- sultant on matters of metal. You're a long way from Inverness. +You're a long way from Inverness. In my travels I heard the story of the MacLeod boy struck down and brought from the hand of death by powers not of this Earth. +In my travels I heard the story of the MacLeod boy struck down and brought from the hand of death by powers not of this Earth. You know me home. Me name. +You know me home. Me name. It was time for our paths to cross. +When I was a boy a cart driven by a drunken fool crushed me. All thought I would die or be maimed for life. But I healed quickly. And like you I paid the price for being different. You are the same? +You are the same? Do you ever feel a flow, as if some- thing were pushing against you? +Do you ever feel a flow, as if some- thing were pushing against you? Yes. Always. +Yes. Always. Does it change with me in the room? +Does it change with me in the room? It is less. +It is less. You feel you know me. +You feel you know me. I don't know why. +I don't know why. We are brothers. +He told me there could be only one. Some cling to sanity through time with the one continuity and trad0 ition their lives have known: The Game. You and I Conor, we are different from all others around us. You know this, you can feel it. We are flesh and bone like any man, but unlike our neighbors we are rather difficult to injure, permanently. +Some cling to sanity through time with the one continuity and trad0 ition their lives have known: The Game. You and I Conor, we are different from all others around us. You know this, you can feel it. We are flesh and bone like any man, but unlike our neighbors we are rather difficult to injure, permanently. I don't understand. +I don't understand. You are still so very young. +You are still so very young. I'm twenty-two. +I'm twenty-two. Not even a single lifetime. +Conor, you and I, we cannot be killed. What? +What? We are immortal. +It is as you are. No! +Listen to me. Hear the words. This is madness! +This is madness! It is the truth. +It is the truth. No! +Three days you've laid there. It's time you ate. This can't be. +This can't be. You are not dead, boy. Accept it. +You are not dead, boy. Accept it. This is monstrous. I'll burn in hell for all eternity. +This is monstrous. I'll burn in hell for all eternity. You'd have to die first. Aqui. +What is to become of me? Am I to wander the Earth forever like a ghost? You will live. Survive. +You will live. Survive. Then they were right. I am evil. This is God's punishment. +Then they were right. I am evil. This is God's punishment. You have done nothing wrong Conor MacLeod. +You have done nothing wrong Conor MacLeod. Oh my God. Oh my God I'm lost. +Why does he want to kill me? You recall how I spoke of the push you feel and how I make it less? +You recall how I spoke of the push you feel and how I make it less? Aye. +Aye. It is always less with my living. Far or near. But if I were to die the push would become stronger than ever before. There is power in this. And as long as you and I live, The Knight can never have it all. +It is always less with my living. Far or near. But if I were to die the push would become stronger than ever before. There is power in this. And as long as you and I live, The Knight can never have it all. But we cannot be killed. +But we cannot be killed. There is an imperfection. For all your healing, if your head ever leaves your neck, you are dead. You can survive anything but steel against your threat. Then it is over. The end. +There is an imperfection. For all your healing, if your head ever leaves your neck, you are dead. You can survive anything but steel against your threat. Then it is over. The end. How can I stop such a man? +How can I stop such a man? Hide. Run to the ends of the Earth till you learn. You must learn to defend yourself. In this I can help. +Hide. Run to the ends of the Earth till you learn. You must learn to defend yourself. In this I can help. Why? +Why? We are brothers. And you are a defense- -of sorts. +Harder. Concentrate harder. Me arm hurts. +Me arm hurts. Again. Try again. +Harder! You swing like an impotent cow! Go to hell. +Go to hell. Oh, the boy has a mouth, now if only he had an arm. +Impotent cow. Muy Bien! +It will take less effort as you learn. It's like to kill me first. +You have a gift. One you must protect. And what is this great gift that cannot be seen or smelt? +And what is this great gift that cannot be seen or smelt? The Fabric of life. The spark that allows the passing of existence from one generation to another. +The Fabric of life. The spark that allows the passing of existence from one generation to another. If that was meant to be an ex- planation Mr. Romirez from Spain, I'm afraid you've failed. +You're no match for Scot, Mr. Romirez. We're raised as riders. Point conceeded, Mr. MacLeod. +What is the fascinatioon? It is only a leaf. All living things pay dues, Conor. They must be respected for that. +As they age they contribute to a sum that is the kindling from which all future life comes. To feel it, to know it, is to be in touch with the will of every living thing. I do not think I like the sound of that. +I do not think I like the sound of that. It does not feel nearly as frightening as it sounds. But the consequences of such feelings can be very frightening. For it gives you great strength. The strength of _knowledge_. The ability to stand between the giving of what has always been to what will always be. +It does not feel nearly as frightening as it sounds. But the consequences of such feelings can be very frightening. For it gives you great strength. The strength of _knowledge_. The ability to stand between the giving of what has always been to what will always be. I feel hardly nothing. +I feel hardly nothing. You have not been fully trained. But you will learn. And you will be good, I can feel that. You have apt- itude. This is why our friend is so concerned. +You have not been fully trained. But you will learn. And you will be good, I can feel that. You have apt- itude. This is why our friend is so concerned. But why be so concerned about me? +But why be so concerned about me? This power is divided amongst you, me, and others like cuts in a pie. But the cuts are not equal. Some, like you and he, have more. Much more. +This power is divided amongst you, me, and others like cuts in a pie. But the cuts are not equal. Some, like you and he, have more. Much more. And you? +And you? I am a small player. But if by helping you I can keep that monster from being the last, then perhaps my life has meant something. +I am a small player. But if by helping you I can keep that monster from being the last, then perhaps my life has meant something. I am not ready for this. +I am not ready for this. You must be. You have responsibilities. You must learn the rules. You can never attract attention to yourself, never show the side that will draw others to you. You will always know when you are in the presence of another. Beware. But more importantly Conor MacLeod, will be your battle against time. In the coming years you will see kingdoms rise then rot like wheat. People will become a transitory, pathetic lot. The only constant you will know will be the others and the tradition their greed and quest represent. But life without morality, without the ability to truly taste the sweetness of wine and love, is no life at all. That is how the others exist. Nothing more than walking corpses living only to slaughter each other in an insane quest to be the last. Keep your soul sewed to the earth. Do not become one of them. +You must be. You have responsibilities. You must learn the rules. You can never attract attention to yourself, never show the side that will draw others to you. You will always know when you are in the presence of another. Beware. But more importantly Conor MacLeod, will be your battle against time. In the coming years you will see kingdoms rise then rot like wheat. People will become a transitory, pathetic lot. The only constant you will know will be the others and the tradition their greed and quest represent. But life without morality, without the ability to truly taste the sweetness of wine and love, is no life at all. That is how the others exist. Nothing more than walking corpses living only to slaughter each other in an insane quest to be the last. Keep your soul sewed to the earth. Do not become one of them. Of course. +Of course. You are young, inexperienced. You do not know what time can do. How it can sap all pity, all love. +You are young, inexperienced. You do not know what time can do. How it can sap all pity, all love. That is not me. +That is not me. With the proper tools, Conor, a naive man can be much more dangerous than an evil one. +Go ahead, Senor. I have my friend to keep me company. I'll be back when I can. +I'm your future husband, remember? I have no future husband. +I have no future husband. I don't understand. Not a week ago your father gave us his blessing. +My future husband died in battle against the Sutherlands. What are you saying? I'm standing here as real as you. +What are you saying? I'm standing here as real as you. You cannot be real, Conor. You had the last rites. No man has been cut half as bad and lived. +You cannot be real, Conor. You had the last rites. No man has been cut half as bad and lived. But I did live. +But I did live. Live? In less than a week you're prancing about the country like a squirrel. +Live? In less than a week you're prancing about the country like a squirrel. So why the crazy talk? It's a miracle it is. Saint Andrew has smiled on me. On us. +So why the crazy talk? It's a miracle it is. Saint Andrew has smiled on me. On us. Some think not. +Some think not. Who? +Who? There's rumor in the village. Some call it magic. +There's rumor in the village. Some call it magic. That's mad. Surely you don't take their word? +That's mad. Surely you don't take their word? I don't know, Conor. It's not natural. Maybe something has touched you. +I don't know, Conor. It's not natural. Maybe something has touched you. You're sounding like that mad woman, Widow Baggins. +You're sounding like that mad woman, Widow Baggins. Me father has taken back my hand. +Please not be touching me, Conor. I'll not take that kind of talk from you. From those others below, maybe. But not from you. +I'll not take that kind of talk from you. From those others below, maybe. But not from you. Leave me alone, Conor. Please. +Leave me alone, Conor. Please. You're not talking sense, Mara! +If you send me away now, Mara, I'll not come looking for you. Do what you must. +Oh please. Another one. What would you like? +What would you like? Something pretty. +Something pretty. Like you. +That's wonderful. Where did you ever learn it? Far away. +Far away. Kiss me. +David. Do you have cause to bothering us? +Who am I deceiving? Certainly not me. +State of grace and all that. Tradition. +Tradition. It's all we have. +Not so scared. Perhaps not. You seem to have misplaced a private. No doubt by now his head is stranger to his neck. +Perhaps not. You seem to have misplaced a private. No doubt by now his head is stranger to his neck. No doubt. +No doubt. You surprise me. Eliminating a rival like that. Such are the actions of a man of conquest. I was mistaken. 300 years have turned the boy's fear into ambit- ion. +You surprise me. Eliminating a rival like that. Such are the actions of a man of conquest. I was mistaken. 300 years have turned the boy's fear into ambit- ion. You're wrong. +You're wrong. I know you very well, Conor MacLeod. And I can see the truth beginning to make itself clear to you. Mulet, Romirez, they were fools without vision. It was destined that the board would be cleared for the real players. +Romirez understood. Not you. Romirez is dust. +Finish your prayers? Finish yours? +Finish yours? Our common heritage. I am your only real friend, you know. The only one who truly understands you. I look forward to the day we meet again. And I kill you. +Our common heritage. I am your only real friend, you know. The only one who truly understands you. I look forward to the day we meet again. And I kill you. So sure? +Complete your inspection? They're nothing but boys. It will be a slaughter tomorrow. +They're nothing but boys. It will be a slaughter tomorrow. I doubt much can change that. The enemy has five brigades waiting for us. +I doubt much can change that. The enemy has five brigades waiting for us. We need more time. +We need more time. Won't get it. We are a sacrifice. A diversion. +Eat up Dupont. It will probably be your last. Not likely. +Your name? Mulet. +I thought I gave orders the regiment was to drill. Staff sargeant detailed me to prepare firewood for the break- fast cooking. +Staff sargeant detailed me to prepare firewood for the break- fast cooking. What is your position? +What is your position? Second musketeer. +Second musketeer. I understand you joined up in Bremen. +I understand you joined up in Bremen. You seem to understand a great deal. +You seem to understand a great deal. I am a Major, Private. You would do well remembering that when addressing me. +I am a Major, Private. You would do well remembering that when addressing me. "Excuse me, ""sir"". I thought we spoke as equals." +"Excuse me, ""sir"". I thought we spoke as equals." Equals? +Equals? If you wish to play games, Major. +Wait. I think we understand each other. We have no understanding. +We have no understanding. Then it is time two of us did. You are very young. I was once young. I can help. +"Help? I've seen others ""help"". Somehow a head always ended up on the counter." It can be different. It must be. +It can be different. It must be. It never changes, Major. +We must talk. Stay out of it. +Stay out of it. Don't threaten me, Private. +Don't threaten me, Private. "Who do you think I am? One of your freckle faced children waiting to die tomorrow? ""Threaten you""? You and I just living will always be a threat. Forever. Look at your life, Major. Look at mine. Nothing there but threat. Threats and nothingness. It's what we live for." +Do not turn your back on me. You are really going to force this, aren't you? +You are really going to force this, aren't you? Either you are with me or against me. +You see Major? You are not so different... I had no choice. +Ah, Conor, how you look a man. Have you time for some- thing to eat? +Your grandfather wore that in his service to the King, and I to fight for the Duke. Must he go? +Must he go? Aye. It is his duty. All of ours. +Aye. It is his duty. All of ours. But Ian, he's still but a boy. +But Ian, he's still but a boy. He's a MacLeod. +Here. The hook should go just below the head, where the meat is toughest. Thanks. +Fish are creatures of habit. They like their food where they're used to it. At the top, hiding in old leaves. Where did you learn that? +Where did you learn that? My father taught me. +My father taught me. Your father must be smart. +Your father must be smart. Yes, he was. +I want people in here to check over every piece of this stuff. Figure she's with him? +Figure she's with him? Yeah. +Yeah. We ran down that Church Hill info. She's right. There is no Richard Taupin. +We ran down that Church Hill info. She's right. There is no Richard Taupin. Any other I.D.s come up? +Any other I.D.s come up? Not yet. Called FBI yesterday. Thompson's going to try CIA this afternoon. Y'never know. +Should have seen him the first night. Son of a bitch stood there with a quart of blood on his pant leg and didn't even blink. You'd think he'd had practice. +Are you sure? Won't know till the records department comes back with it this after- noon. Looks good though. They found the receipt in his townhouse. It was pretty smeared but had Taupin's father listed as a signatory. +Won't know till the records department comes back with it this after- noon. Looks good though. They found the receipt in his townhouse. It was pretty smeared but had Taupin's father listed as a signatory. Round up who you can and put them on standby. +Round up who you can and put them on standby. Think we should call the local P.D. out there first? +Think we should call the local P.D. out there first? No. I want this to be all ours. +Where! I don't know. +I don't know. What name is he using? +Smith. Carl Smith. How many came? +How many came? The last four. +The last four. And the Bulgarian? +And the Bulgarian? He got him. He always does. Eventually. +He got him. He always does. Eventually. He knows I'm here. How? +He knows I'm here. How? None of this would be happening if you hadn't run... +_Answer_ me. We learned he'd found the immigration notaries in Liverpool and traced them to New York. Then he figured out the birth records in Church Hill... +Spare a chair? Kahn? +Kahn? Are you going to offer me a chair or leave me standing here all night? +Are you going to offer me a chair or leave me standing here all night? Sit. +How are you? Head still secure to the neck. +Head still secure to the neck. How did you find me? +How did you find me? How many places this side of the Atlantic serve lager and lime? +Old habits die hard. Waitress! A round of Nitzhic! Peasant drool, I know. But it's the closest thing they stock to my side of the fence. What are you doing here? +What are you doing here? It is the gathering, my friend. The settling of old scores. +And have you something to settle with me? Not tonight. Tonight I have a drink with an old friend. +Not tonight. Tonight I have a drink with an old friend. It's good to see you, Kahn. +"I'll never forget the look on that Papal commander's face when his ""heretic stronghold"" turned out to be a rock full of whores climbing all over Neuvich." Neuvich, the clown of the crusades. +Neuvich, the clown of the crusades. But then rides up Pope Pius who calmly brushes the dust from his papal cross, climbs off his papal horse, draws his papal sword and asks just what the hell is going on. And what did Neuvich, dear dear drunken Neuvich do? +But then rides up Pope Pius who calmly brushes the dust from his papal cross, climbs off his papal horse, draws his papal sword and asks just what the hell is going on. And what did Neuvich, dear dear drunken Neuvich do? Offered the Pope one of his whores. +Had a great swing with his blade. For a Pope. Good times then. A man could stretch his legs without bring- ing half the world down around his ears. Not like now. +He found us even there. He always did. +I haven't drunk this much since- -Since you last saw me. +I love zoos. Ever since I was a kid. You were never a kid. +I knew his great-grandfather. You're insane. +You're insane. No, seriously. We used to shoot pool together in Rangoon. +No, seriously. We used to shoot pool together in Rangoon. How do you do it, Kahn? How do you live so full of life for so long? +How do you do it, Kahn? How do you live so full of life for so long? Tasting and enjoying life is the only thing of value we have. All else is just marking time. You're marking time. +Tasting and enjoying life is the only thing of value we have. All else is just marking time. You're marking time. I've had a few more concerns. +The pressure only comes when you let the taste slip into your mouth. You're wrong. +You're wrong. You don't run as hard, MacLeod. You just don't run as hard anymore. +Long time. Not so long. +You've been here from the start. My quarry grows clever with age. And the others, incompetent. +Friend of yours? Of sorts. +Of sorts. I do hope she enjoys a good show. +Run! MACLEOD! +You disappoint me. I thought you'd finally gotten over that sort of thing. Leave her out of this. +Leave her out of this. As you wish. +What's the point? This isn't done. Get up. +This isn't done. Get up. What's the point! You have me, finish it! +What's the point! You have me, finish it! I have waited forever for this. You will not cheapen it, little boy. +I have waited forever for this. You will not cheapen it, little boy. Tradition. +Tradition. It's all we have. +It's all we have. Go to hell. +Perhaps Miss Cartwright would like to play. Leave her alone. +Leave her alone. Get up. +We have some unfinished business. Are you here? +Are you here? I want you to come to me. +I want you to come to me. And if I refuse? +And if I refuse? Give me an address where I can forward Miss Cart- wright's head. +Yes laddie, I have her. Should I care? +This your present address? Yes. +Yes. Mr.- Taupin, what were you doing in that alley? +Mr.- Taupin, what were you doing in that alley? I was walking by when I heard a shout. Your men came right after. +I was walking by when I heard a shout. Your men came right after. Did you know the victim? +Did you know the victim? No. +No. His name was Iman Fasil if that jogs your memory. +His name was Iman Fasil if that jogs your memory. It doesn't. +It doesn't. He was carrying a Syrian passport and had been in the country less than a week. +Two days ago a Bulgarian national was murdered the same way. He'd also been in the country less than a week. What is your citizenship? American. +Do you make a habit of hanging out in that neigh- borhood at night? What are you getting at? +What are you getting at? Let's just say that in my years with this department I've seen more than one well dressed business man look for a hand job on 14th Street. +What were _you_ looking for? That's none of your business. +That's none of your business. You're wrong. +Do you know what this is? I presume it's a sword. +I presume it's a sword. A claymore to be exact. You wouldn't know anything about it would you? +A claymore to be exact. You wouldn't know anything about it would you? Your murder weapon? +Your murder weapon? It was covered with Mr. Fasil's fingerprints, but none of his blood. +It was covered with Mr. Fasil's fingerprints, but none of his blood. A mystery. +A mystery. For the moment. +My condolences. Where were you Tuesday night? +Where were you Tuesday night? Home. +Home. A neighbor saw your car leave. +A neighbor saw your car leave. He's mistaken. +Look, I don't know what the hell you're up to, but I think I've got a pretty good idea. Do you? +Do you? All I need is time. +All I need is time. I've got all the time in the world. Except right now. If you will excuse me, Lieutenant. +Ah Steven, it is good to see you. I only just heard of Conor. I came up from Catroch as soon as I could. +I only just heard of Conor. I came up from Catroch as soon as I could. You're a kind man to be sure. +You're a kind man to be sure. I thought it only proper to pay me last respects to the family. +I thought it only proper to pay me last respects to the family. Steven, Conor didn't die. +Steven, Conor didn't die. But I had heard his wounds were mortal. +But I had heard his wounds were mortal. They were Steven, they were. It's been a miracle it has. He lasted right through and healed. No one in the village has ever seen anything like it. Ever. +When your father died I saw to it that the grounds were kept up. The money in the estate was enough to cover your costs? +The money in the estate was enough to cover your costs? Oh yes, more than enough. +You're one of William's kids, huh? His only kid. +His only kid. Sure take after him. Never seen a father and son look more alike. +Sure take after him. Never seen a father and son look more alike. We were very close. +We were very close. The resemblance is amazing. +The resemblance is amazing. When may I expect the cleaners? +When may I expect the cleaners? I'll send them right up. +Morning Mr. North Same. +Same. Such a pretty day. If I live to be 90 I'll never tire of mornings like this. Mind you I'm 74 now. +Such a pretty day. If I live to be 90 I'll never tire of mornings like this. Mind you I'm 74 now. No. +No. Yes sir. When you get older your priorities change. It's the simple things that count. Without them growing old can be a very lonely thing. +Yes sir. When you get older your priorities change. It's the simple things that count. Without them growing old can be a very lonely thing. I'm sure that's true. +Nothing to be sorry about. Just your pappy scared some. +Hello, Harvard! Got anything new on the hanging? Why don't you fellows get your own news? +This is Murphy. More slop on the hanging. A double guard's been thrown around the jail, municipal buildings, railroad terminals, and elevated stations to prepare for the expected general uprising of radicals at the hour of execution. +A double guard's been thrown around the jail, municipal buildings, railroad terminals, and elevated stations to prepare for the expected general uprising of radicals at the hour of execution. Ready? The Sheriff's just put two hundred more relatives on the payroll to protect the city against the Red Army -- which is leaving Moscow in a couple of minutes. Up a dime. +Ready? The Sheriff's just put two hundred more relatives on the payroll to protect the city against the Red Army -- which is leaving Moscow in a couple of minutes. Up a dime. The Sheriff has just received four more letters threatening his life, but he says nothing can interfere with his duty. +The Sheriff has just received four more letters threatening his life, but he says nothing can interfere with his duty. And to prove to the voters that the Red Menace is on the level, the Sheriff has written himself four more letters, threatening his life. I know he wrote 'em on account of the misspellings. +Can't you say 'hello' to a fellow? Hildy! +Are you back? No, just a farewell appearance, batting for Sweeney. I'm going into business for myself. +No, just a farewell appearance, batting for Sweeney. I'm going into business for myself. What doing? +What doing? I'm getting married tomorrow. +I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, congratulations! Good luck! +Who is it? What's the idea of locking this? +What's the idea of locking this? That's Bensinger. That's his desk. +Bensinger -- of the Tribune. Open this door! +Ain't you got any more sense than to -- ? Oh, h-hello, Mr. Burns. Why, quite an honor having you come over here. Hello, Bensinger. +Hello, Bensinger. Excuse me, I just want to -- +How do you mean? I was having a little chat about you just this afternoon -- with our Mister Duffy. +I was having a little chat about you just this afternoon -- with our Mister Duffy. Nothing -- ah -- detrimental, I hope. +Nothing -- ah -- detrimental, I hope. I should say not! That was one swell story you had in the paper this morning. +I should say not! That was one swell story you had in the paper this morning. Oh, did you -- care for the poem, Mr. Burns? +Oh, did you -- care for the poem, Mr. Burns? The poem?... The poem was great! +The poem?... The poem was great! "Remember the ending? "" -- and all is well, outside his cell, But in his heart he hears the hangman Calling and the gallows falling And his white-haired mother's tears...""" +"Remember the ending? "" -- and all is well, outside his cell, But in his heart he hears the hangman Calling and the gallows falling And his white-haired mother's tears...""" Heartbreaking! How would you like to work for me? +Heartbreaking! How would you like to work for me? What? +Duffy! I'm sending Bensinger over to see you. Mervyn, isn't it? No. Roy. Roy V. +No. Roy. Roy V. Of course! Roy Bensinger, the poet. Of course you wouldn't know! You probably never heard of Shakespeare, either! Put Mr. Bensinger right on the staff. How much are you getting on the Tribune, Roy? +Of course! Roy Bensinger, the poet. Of course you wouldn't know! You probably never heard of Shakespeare, either! Put Mr. Bensinger right on the staff. How much are you getting on the Tribune, Roy? Seventy-five. +Seventy-five. I'll give you a hundred and a by- line. +Let him have everything he wants. Now hustle and write me a story from the point of view of the escaped man. He hides, cowering... Afraid of every light, of every sound... hears footsteps... his heart going like that... And all the time they're closing in... Get the sense of an animal at bay! Sort of a Jack London style? +Sort of a Jack London style? Exactly! +I got my rhyming dictionary in -- It doesn't have to rhyme! +I'll keep you in mind. Au revoir, mon capitaine. +Au revoir, mon capitaine. Bon jour! +I won't be more than ten minutes, I promise you. Even ten minutes is a long time to be away from you. +I said -- uh -- I said even ten minutes -- is a long time -- to be away from you. Don't be embarrassed, Bruce. I heard it, but I just wanted to hear it again. I can stand being spoiled a little. The gentleman I'm going to have a chat with did very little spoiling. +Don't be embarrassed, Bruce. I heard it, but I just wanted to hear it again. I can stand being spoiled a little. The gentleman I'm going to have a chat with did very little spoiling. I'd like to spoil him just once. Sure you don't want me to go in with you? +I'd like to spoil him just once. Sure you don't want me to go in with you? My job, Bruce. I started it -- and I'll finish it. +My job, Bruce. I started it -- and I'll finish it. I suppose you're right -- but if it gets rough, remember I'm here. +I suppose you're right -- but if it gets rough, remember I'm here. I'll come a-running, pardner. +Oh, it isn't like that. It will be perfectly all right, Walter. Mother is coming with us on the train. +You know, Hildy, he's not a bad fellow. You're so nice, Bruce, you think everybody else is. +You're so nice, Bruce, you think everybody else is. Oh, he's not the man for you. I can see that. But I sort of like him. Got a lot of charm. +Oh, he's not the man for you. I can see that. But I sort of like him. Got a lot of charm. He comes by it naturally. His grandfather was a snake. +He comes by it naturally. His grandfather was a snake. If anybody had told me I'd be sitting at lunch with him -- but he swept me right off my feet. +If anybody had told me I'd be sitting at lunch with him -- but he swept me right off my feet. That's what he did to me. Swept me right off my feet -- and left me lying on the floor. +Too hot? No. It's strong. But I like it that way. +Say, what's happened to Burns? He looks sunk, doesn't he? He certainly -- hic -- does! +I don't use my wife for business purposes, Mr. Burns! Wait a minute, Bruce. What's commission on a $100,000.00 policy? +Wait a minute, Bruce. What's commission on a $100,000.00 policy? Well, at his age, twenty payment life, a little over a thousand dollars. +Well, at his age, twenty payment life, a little over a thousand dollars. And what's the matter with a thousand dollars? +And what's the matter with a thousand dollars? But -- +But -- According to the budget, we laid out that's more than our food bill for a whole year. Listen, Bruce, I don't want Walter Burns to use me, but I'm perfectly willing to use him. How long will it take to get him examined? +According to the budget, we laid out that's more than our food bill for a whole year. Listen, Bruce, I don't want Walter Burns to use me, but I'm perfectly willing to use him. How long will it take to get him examined? I could get a company doctor in twenty minutes. +About twenty-five hundred dollars. Better make that a certified check, Walter. +All right, dear. Wait a minute, Bruce. Have you got that money? +Wait a minute, Bruce. Have you got that money? The five hundred? Sure. +The five hundred? Sure. On second thought, would you let me have it? I'll get the tickets. +On second thought, would you let me have it? I'll get the tickets. But -- +But -- Believe me, Bruce, I know what I'm doing. He'd get you in a crap game -- +Believe me, Bruce, I know what I'm doing. He'd get you in a crap game -- But I don't gamble, Hilda! +But I don't gamble, Hilda! I know a lot of men who didn't do anything till they met Walter Burns. Please, dear. +I know a lot of men who didn't do anything till they met Walter Burns. Please, dear. All right. One -- two -- three -- four -- five. Five hundred. Be careful, honey. +All right. One -- two -- three -- four -- five. Five hundred. Be careful, honey. I'll be careful, darling. You be, please. +Hildy Johnson... Oh, hello, Bruce. Have you got it? Is it certified? Certified and everything. Got it right here in my wallet... What? No, he's not here -- I'm in a phone booth. +All right. I've done it. Now, are you satisfied? Fine. And here's a kiss for you. +What's the matter? I lost my wallet. +I lost my wallet. The check, Bruce! +That's right here. Gee, it was lucky your telling me about that old newspaper superstition. Yes, wasn't it? +Yes, wasn't it? I can't imagine who did it. I can't think of any enemies I have. +I can't imagine who did it. I can't think of any enemies I have. I'm sure you haven't any. +I'm sure you haven't any. For a minute, I thought maybe Walter Burns was at the back of it. But then I realized he couldn't have been. +For a minute, I thought maybe Walter Burns was at the back of it. But then I realized he couldn't have been. Oh, no. How could you ever think of such a thing? +Oh, no. How could you ever think of such a thing? Oh, I realized right away. He's really a very nice fellow, Hildy -- I found that out. +Oh, I realized right away. He's really a very nice fellow, Hildy -- I found that out. Yes, he is... Look, Bruce, we're taking that next train -- and when I say next train, this time I mean it! +Yes, he is... Look, Bruce, we're taking that next train -- and when I say next train, this time I mean it! Did you finish the interview? +Did you finish the interview? The Criminal Courts Building. +No -- but I'm sure it'll be all right with Walter. But, gee, Hildy -- he gave us that insurance business -- and you promised -- +But, gee, Hildy -- he gave us that insurance business -- and you promised -- Well, the story's practically finished. I'll just go upstairs and send it over with a messenger. +Hildy! Hello, Bruce... +BRUCE!! How'd you get out? Not through any help of yours, Hildy. +Not through any help of yours, Hildy. Bruce, I know, but I was in the biggest jam -- +I waited and waited and then I had an idea and wired Albany to send me a hundred dollars so I could get out on bail... I don't know what they'll think -- they sent it to the police station! We'll explain the whole thing to them. +We'll explain the whole thing to them. I know I got you into this, Hildy, but it does seem to me that you can't care much for me if you're willing to let me stay locked up for two hours. +I know I got you into this, Hildy, but it does seem to me that you can't care much for me if you're willing to let me stay locked up for two hours. Bruce, you know I'm mad about you and stop talking like that. Walter! +Oh, she was here. Where'd she go? +Where'd she go? Out some place. +Hildy! Where's mother? Oh -- mother -- she -- I don't know where she went. +Oh -- mother -- she -- I don't know where she went. Did you give her the money? +Did you give her the money? No, I was going to give it to her -- but she left hurriedly. +No, I was going to give it to her -- but she left hurriedly. Then suppose you give me the money. Four hundred and fifty dollars. +Then suppose you give me the money. Four hundred and fifty dollars. Oh, yes. Here it is. +Here it is, Bruce. One -- two -- three -- four hundred -- and fifty dollars. Thank you. +Just a second, Walter. Here, Bruce, here's the check... And, oh, Bruce, here's your wallet. I got it back. You got it back, eh? There's something funny going on around here. +I'm taking the nine o'clock train, Hildy. And you can meet us at the station. Fine. +Mr. Burns -- I've just told you I was busy with Mr. Bruce Baldwin! +I've just told you I was busy with Mr. Bruce Baldwin! I'm Bruce Baldwin! +You're Bruce Baldwin? Yes! +Yes! Then who are you? +Oh, I thought there was something funny... You see, Bruce, you don't mind if I call you Bruce, do you? After all, we're practically related -- Mr. -- well -- no -- no -- not at all. +Mr. -- well -- no -- no -- not at all. You see, my wife -- I mean, your wife -- that is, I mean Hildy -- had led me to expect that she was marrying a much older man. +You see, my wife -- I mean, your wife -- that is, I mean Hildy -- had led me to expect that she was marrying a much older man. Oh. +Oh. But I see, she didn't mean old in years. You always carry an umbrella, Bruce? +But I see, she didn't mean old in years. You always carry an umbrella, Bruce? Well, er -- it looked a little cloudy this morning. +Well, er -- it looked a little cloudy this morning. That's right. -- Rubbers, too, I hope? A man ought to be prepared for any emergency. +Attaboy! Come on, Bruce. Where are we going? +Where are we going? Where are we going? I'm going to buy you two lunch -- didn't Hildy tell you? +Where are we going? I'm going to buy you two lunch -- didn't Hildy tell you? No -- she didn't. +No -- she didn't. Just wanted to surprise you, I guess. Down! After you, Bruce! Come on, Hildy, my treat! +Well, so you're getting married tomorrow, eh? How does it feel, Bruce? Feels awful good. Yes, sir -- we're taking the four o'clock train to Albany and tomorrow we'll be married. +Feels awful good. Yes, sir -- we're taking the four o'clock train to Albany and tomorrow we'll be married. Taking the train today -- and being married tomorrow? +Mother? But your mother -- No. My mother. +No. My mother. Oh. Your mother -- well, of course, that relieves my mind. +I know I wasn't a good husband, Hildy, but you can always count on me. I don't think she'll need you very much -- I aim to do most of the protecting myself. +Well, I'll try to give her one. I know you will, Bruce. Are you going to live with your mother? +I know you will, Bruce. Are you going to live with your mother? Just for the first year. +Just for the first year. That'll be nice. A home with mother. A real honeymoon. In Albany, too. Ow! +Mighty nice little town, Albany. They've got the State Capitol there, you know. Yes, I know... Hildy, will you ever forget the night you brought the Governor back to your hotel room and found me taking a bath? She didn't even know I was in town... +How's business, Bruce? Well, Albany's a mighty good insurance town. Most people there take it out pretty early in life. +Well, Albany's a mighty good insurance town. Most people there take it out pretty early in life. I don't blame them. +I sometimes wish I'd taken out insurance -- but, of course, now it doesn't matter. Still, I suppose it would have been the smart thing to do. Well, I honestly feel that way. I figure I'm in one line of business that really helps people. Of course, we don't help you much when you're alive -- but afterward -- that's what counts. +Well, I honestly feel that way. I figure I'm in one line of business that really helps people. Of course, we don't help you much when you're alive -- but afterward -- that's what counts. I see what you mean. +Anything the matter? Just Sweeney again. One of my best reporters. +Just what is the lowdown on Williams? It's simple. A poor little dope who lost his job went berserk and shot a cop who was coming after him to quiet him down. +Are you sure Williams is not all there? All you've got to do is talk to him. But the Mayor would hang his own grandmother to be re-elected. +All you've got to do is talk to him. But the Mayor would hang his own grandmother to be re-elected. But couldn't you show the man wasn't responsible? +But couldn't you show the man wasn't responsible? How? +How long would the interview take? Oh -- an hour for the interview. Another hour to write it. +Oh -- an hour for the interview. Another hour to write it. We could take the six o'clock train, Hildy. If it would save a man's life. +I never knew Hildy to be so determined before. You haven't seen anything yet. +I don't know. This makes me feel funny. Why shouldn't I make Hildy my beneficiary? I've got nobody else to leave it to. +Why shouldn't I make Hildy my beneficiary? I've got nobody else to leave it to. I feel I ought to take care of her. +I feel I ought to take care of her. Well, you'll take care of her. After all, if that doctor's right, I'm going to live for a long time yet. Look, Bruce, this is a debt of honor. I was a very bad husband: Hildy could have got a lot of alimony if she'd wanted to, but she wouldn't take any. She had it coming to her, but she was too independent. +Well, you'll take care of her. After all, if that doctor's right, I'm going to live for a long time yet. Look, Bruce, this is a debt of honor. I was a very bad husband: Hildy could have got a lot of alimony if she'd wanted to, but she wouldn't take any. She had it coming to her, but she was too independent. Well, I'm independent, too. +Well, I'm independent, too. Figure it this way: I ought to be good for twenty-five years. By that time, you'll probably have made enough so that the money won't mean anything. But suppose you haven't made good -- don't you think Hildy's entitled to a quiet old age without any worries? +Figure it this way: I ought to be good for twenty-five years. By that time, you'll probably have made enough so that the money won't mean anything. But suppose you haven't made good -- don't you think Hildy's entitled to a quiet old age without any worries? Well, of course, if you put it that way. +Well, of course, if you put it that way. And remember this, Bruce! I love her, too. +And remember this, Bruce! I love her, too. I'm beginning to realize that. +I'm beginning to realize that. And the beauty of it is she'll never have to know 'till I've passed on. Maybe she'll think kindly of me --- after I'm gone. +And the beauty of it is she'll never have to know 'till I've passed on. Maybe she'll think kindly of me --- after I'm gone. Gee, you almost make me feel like a heel -- coming between you. +Gee, you almost make me feel like a heel -- coming between you. No, Bruce, you didn't come between us. It was all over for her before you came on the scene. For me -- it'll never be over. +Well, Bruce, here you are -- certified and everything. Certified! I'm afraid Hildy'd feel ashamed to think she hadn't trusted you. +Well, she'll know some day. That's all I ask. Oh, wait a minute. +Don't want to forget this, you know. Might start to rain again. Thanks. I'll phone Hildy right away to get that story. +Well, anyway, I know Hildy's getting a good man. Thanks a lot. +Well, I got to get back. You can find your way out, can't you? Oh, sure. Well, thanks for everything. +Oh, sure. Well, thanks for everything. Don't thank me. I should thank you. So long. +Don't thank me. I should thank you. So long. So long. +Hildy! What the devil do you want? Listen, Bruce, you can't come in here now! We're busy! Where you been, Duffy? Stick around! What? What Chinese earthquake? The deuce with it... what's that? +No -- I was just talking to one of the guys at the office. Oh. I wonder what's keeping mother? She was supposed to come down and get you. +And I'll take that certified check, too. I've decided I can handle things around here... Come on, Hildy, we've got to keep going! Sorry, Bruce, but -- +I'll see she's there, Bruce, I promise you. If she's not there, mother and I are leaving anyhow! +I know how you feel, Bruce, but you've got to forgive her. She's only a woman, after all. Suppose she is -- I have feelings, too! Do you know where I've been for the last couple of hours? Locked up in a police station and she didn't move to do anything about it. +Suppose she is -- I have feelings, too! Do you know where I've been for the last couple of hours? Locked up in a police station and she didn't move to do anything about it. Ts! Ts! Ts! +Ts! Ts! Ts! And now I don't know where my mother is. She may be lost. +And now I don't know where my mother is. She may be lost. I'll find her, Bruce, if I have to put every detective in the city on the job. Tell you what -- go over to the Missing Persons Bureau and describe your mother. What does she look like? +I'll find her, Bruce, if I have to put every detective in the city on the job. Tell you what -- go over to the Missing Persons Bureau and describe your mother. What does she look like? She's -- well, she's very motherly. That's about the best description I know. +She's -- well, she's very motherly. That's about the best description I know. That's the kind of stuff they want! +Oh, Bruce, let me see that money Hildy gave you. The money? Why? +The money? Why? There's a lot of counterfeit big bills going around. +There's a lot of counterfeit big bills going around. Gee! Take a look, will you? +Oh, this is all right, Bruce. I just wanted to be sure. Say, I want to be sure, too! +Who do you think you are, breaking in here like this? You can't bluff me, Burns. I don't care who you are or what paper you're editor of. +If you've any accusations to make, Hartman, make them in the proper manner. Otherwise, I'll have to ask you to get out. You'll ask me to what? +You'll ask me to what? Get out! +Get out! Close that door. Don't let anybody in or out. +I can explain that, Hartman. When Hildy told me she wanted to interview Earl Williams I thought it might be dangerous and I gave her a gun to defend herself. Oh, you did! Well, that's very, very interesting. This happens to be the gun that Earl Williams shot his way out with! +You're barking up the wrong tree, Hartman. I'll give you three minutes to tell me where he is. +No? Well -- Johnson, you're under arrest. You, too, Burns. Who's under arrest? You pimple-headed, square-toed spy -- do you realize what you're doing? +Who's under arrest? You pimple-headed, square-toed spy -- do you realize what you're doing? I'll show you what I'm doing. Burns, you're guilty of obstructing justice and so is the Morning Post. I'm going to see that the Post is fined ten thousand dollars for this. +I'll show you what I'm doing. Burns, you're guilty of obstructing justice and so is the Morning Post. I'm going to see that the Post is fined ten thousand dollars for this. You'll see nothing of the kind, Sheriff. +You'll see nothing of the kind, Sheriff. We'll just start by impounding the Post property. Is that your desk? +Hartman, if you take this desk out of this building, I'll put you behind bars. You will, eh? Well, we'll see about that. All right, boys. Take it. +You will, eh? Well, we'll see about that. All right, boys. Take it. I'm warning you -- it'll be a Federal offense. And you'll be an accessory! +I'm warning you -- it'll be a Federal offense. And you'll be an accessory! We'll take a chance on that, Burns. Go ahead, boys. +What about this, Burns? Kidnapping, eh? Oh, trying to frame me, eh! I never saw this woman before in my life! +Call Duffy! No, you don't! +No, you don't! Do you want to get us scooped? +You're going to be in office for exactly two days more and then we're pulling your nose out of the feed bag. Give me the District Attorney's office. I'll tell you what you'll be doing -- making brooms in the State penitentiary. Hello, D'Arrasty! This is Hartwell. Come over to my office, will you? I've just arrested a couple of important birds and I want to take their confessions. +What's this? Get out of here, you! +Does it? You forget the power that always watches over the Morning Post. Your luck's not with you now! +Duffy! Get Liebowitz! All the lawyers in the world aren't going to help you! +All the lawyers in the world aren't going to help you! This is the Morning Post you're talking to! +This is the Morning Post you're talking to! The power of the press, huh! +That's absurd on the face of it, Mr. Burns! He's talking like a child. Out of the mouths of babes. +Out of the mouths of babes. He's insane or drunk or something. Why, if this unfortunate man, Williams, has really been reprieved, I personally am tickled to death. Aren't you, Pete? +Save that for the Tribune. What did you say your name was -- Pinkus? +What do you want? Why, I'm surprised, Mr. Burns. That's no way to talk to your wife -- even if she's no longer your wife. +Why, I'm surprised, Mr. Burns. That's no way to talk to your wife -- even if she's no longer your wife. Hello, Hildy! +Hello, Hildy! Hello, Walter. Hi, Louie -- how's the slotmachine king? +How long is what? You know what. How long since we've seen each other? +You know what. How long since we've seen each other? Let's see. I was in Reno six weeks -- then Bermuda... Oh, about four months, I guess. Seems like yesterday to me. +Let's see. I was in Reno six weeks -- then Bermuda... Oh, about four months, I guess. Seems like yesterday to me. Maybe it was yesterday. Been seeing me in your dreams? +Maybe it was yesterday. Been seeing me in your dreams? No -- Mama doesn't dream about you any more, Walter. You wouldn't know the old girl now. +No -- Mama doesn't dream about you any more, Walter. You wouldn't know the old girl now. Oh, yes I would. I'd know you any time -- +"You're repeating yourself! That's the speech you made the night you proposed. ""-- any time -- any place -- anywhere!""" I notice you still remember it. +I notice you still remember it. I'll always remember it. If I hadn't remembered it, I wouldn't have divorced you. +I'll always remember it. If I hadn't remembered it, I wouldn't have divorced you. You know, Hildy, I sort of wish you hadn't done it. +You know, Hildy, I sort of wish you hadn't done it. Done what? +Done what? Divorced me. It sort of makes a fellow lose faith in himself. It almost gives him a feeling he wasn't wanted. +Divorced me. It sort of makes a fellow lose faith in himself. It almost gives him a feeling he wasn't wanted. Holy mackerel! Look, Walter, that's what divorces are for. +Holy mackerel! Look, Walter, that's what divorces are for. Nonsense. You've got the old-fashioned idea that divorces are something that last forever -- till 'death us do part'. Why, a divorce doesn't mean anything today. It's only a few words mumbled over you by a judge. We've got something between us nothing can change. +Nonsense. You've got the old-fashioned idea that divorces are something that last forever -- till 'death us do part'. Why, a divorce doesn't mean anything today. It's only a few words mumbled over you by a judge. We've got something between us nothing can change. I suppose that's true in a way. I am fond of you, Walter. I often wish you weren't such a stinker. +I suppose that's true in a way. I am fond of you, Walter. I often wish you weren't such a stinker. Now, that's a nice thing to say. +Now, that's a nice thing to say. Well, why did you promise me you wouldn't fight the divorce and then try and gum up the whole works? +Well, why did you promise me you wouldn't fight the divorce and then try and gum up the whole works? Well, I meant to let you go -- but, you know, you never miss the water till the well runs dry. +Well, I meant to let you go -- but, you know, you never miss the water till the well runs dry. A fellow your age, hiring an airplane to write: 'Hildy: Don't be hasty -- remember my dimple. Walter.! It held things up twenty minutes while the Judge ran out to watch it. +A fellow your age, hiring an airplane to write: 'Hildy: Don't be hasty -- remember my dimple. Walter.! It held things up twenty minutes while the Judge ran out to watch it. Well, I don't want to brag, but I've still got the dimple -- and in the same place -- I just acted like any husband who doesn't want to see his home broken up. +Well, I don't want to brag, but I've still got the dimple -- and in the same place -- I just acted like any husband who doesn't want to see his home broken up. What home? +Was it my fault? Did I know that coal mine was going to have another cave-in? I meant to be with you on our honeymoon, Hildy -- honest I did. All I know is that instead of two weeks in Atlantic City with my bridegroom, I spent two weeks in a coal mine with John Kruptzky -- age sixty-three -- getting food and air out of a tube! You don't deny that. Do you? +All I know is that instead of two weeks in Atlantic City with my bridegroom, I spent two weeks in a coal mine with John Kruptzky -- age sixty-three -- getting food and air out of a tube! You don't deny that. Do you? Deny it! I'm proud of it! We beat the whole country on that story. +Deny it! I'm proud of it! We beat the whole country on that story. Well, suppose we did? That isn't what I got married for. What's the good of -- Look, Walter, I came up here to tell you that you'll have to stop phoning me a dozen times a day -- sending twenty telegrams -- all the rest of it, because I'm -- +Well, suppose we did? That isn't what I got married for. What's the good of -- Look, Walter, I came up here to tell you that you'll have to stop phoning me a dozen times a day -- sending twenty telegrams -- all the rest of it, because I'm -- Let's not fight, Hildy. Tell you what. You come back to work on the paper and if we find we can't get along in a friendly way, we'll get married again. +Let's not fight, Hildy. Tell you what. You come back to work on the paper and if we find we can't get along in a friendly way, we'll get married again. What?!! +What?!! I haven't any hard feelings. +I haven't any hard feelings. Walter, you're wonderful in a loathesome sort of way. Now, would you mind keeping quiet long enough for me to tell you what I came up here for? +Walter, you're wonderful in a loathesome sort of way. Now, would you mind keeping quiet long enough for me to tell you what I came up here for? Sure, come on. We'll have some lunch and you can tell me everything. +Sure, come on. We'll have some lunch and you can tell me everything. I have a lunch date. I just want -- +I have a lunch date. I just want -- You can break it, can't you? +You can break it, can't you? No, I can't. +No, I can't. Sure you can. Come on. +Sure you can. Come on. Don't tell me what to do! We're divorced -- I'm a free woman. You're not my husband and you're not my boss! And what's more, you're not going to be my boss. +Don't tell me what to do! We're divorced -- I'm a free woman. You're not my husband and you're not my boss! And what's more, you're not going to be my boss. What do you mean by that? +What do you mean by that? Just what I said. That's what I -- +Just what I said. That's what I -- You mean you're not coming back to work here? +You mean you're not coming back to work here? That's the first time you've been right today. That's what I -- +That's the first time you've been right today. That's what I -- You've had a better offer, eh? +You've had a better offer, eh? You bet I've got a better offer. +You bet I've got a better offer. Well, go on and take it. Work for somebody else! That's the gratitude I get for -- +Well, go on and take it. Work for somebody else! That's the gratitude I get for -- I know, Walter, but I -- +I know, Walter, but I -- What were you when you came here five years ago? A little college girl from a School of Journalism! I took a little doll-faced mugg -- +What were you when you came here five years ago? A little college girl from a School of Journalism! I took a little doll-faced mugg -- You wouldn't have taken me if I hadn't been doll-faced! +You wouldn't have taken me if I hadn't been doll-faced! Why should I? I thought it would be a novelty to have a face around here a man could look at without shuddering. +Why should I? I thought it would be a novelty to have a face around here a man could look at without shuddering. Listen, Walter -- +Listen, Walter -- I made a great reporter out of you, Hildy, but you won't be half as good on any other paper, and you know it. You need me and I need you -- and the paper needs both of us. +I made a great reporter out of you, Hildy, but you won't be half as good on any other paper, and you know it. You need me and I need you -- and the paper needs both of us. Well, the paper'll have to learn to do without me. And so will you. It just didn't work out, Walter. +Well, the paper'll have to learn to do without me. And so will you. It just didn't work out, Walter. It would have worked if you'd been satisfied with just being editor and reporter. But no! You had to marry me and spoil everything. +It would have worked if you'd been satisfied with just being editor and reporter. But no! You had to marry me and spoil everything. I wasn't satisfied! I suppose I proposed to you! +I wasn't satisfied! I suppose I proposed to you! Well, you practically did! Making goo-goo eyes at me for two years till I broke down. And I still claim I was tight the night I proposed. If you'd been a gentleman you'd have forgotten all about it. But not you! +Well, you practically did! Making goo-goo eyes at me for two years till I broke down. And I still claim I was tight the night I proposed. If you'd been a gentleman you'd have forgotten all about it. But not you! You -- you -- +Sweeney! You can't do that to me! Not today, of all days! Jumping Jehosophat! Oh, no, Sweeney... Well, I suppose so... All right. If you have to, you have to. How do you like that? Everything happens to me -- with 365 days in the year -- this has to be the day. What's the matter? +What's the matter? Sweeney. +Sweeney. Dead? +Dead? Not yet. Might just as well be. The only man on the paper who can write -- and his wife picks this morning to have a baby! +Not yet. Might just as well be. The only man on the paper who can write -- and his wife picks this morning to have a baby! Sweeney? Well, after all, he didn't do it on purpose, did he? +Sweeney? Well, after all, he didn't do it on purpose, did he? I don't care whether he did or not. He's supposed to be covering the Earl Williams case and there he is -- waiting at the hospital! Is there no sense of honor left in this country? +I don't care whether he did or not. He's supposed to be covering the Earl Williams case and there he is -- waiting at the hospital! Is there no sense of honor left in this country? Well, haven't you got anybody else? +Well, haven't you got anybody else? There's nobody else on the paper who can write! This'll break me, unless -- Hildy! +There's nobody else on the paper who can write! This'll break me, unless -- Hildy! No! +No! You've got to help me, Hildy. +You've got to help me, Hildy. Keep away -- +Keep away -- It'll bring us together again, Hildy -- just the way we used to be. +It'll bring us together again, Hildy -- just the way we used to be. "That's what I'm afraid of. ""Any time -- any place -- anywhere!""" +"That's what I'm afraid of. ""Any time -- any place -- anywhere!""" Don't mock, Hildy, this is bigger than anything that's happened to us. Don't do it for me! Do it for the paper. +Don't mock, Hildy, this is bigger than anything that's happened to us. Don't do it for me! Do it for the paper. Get away, Svengali. +Get away, Svengali. If you won't do it for love, how about money? Forget the other offer and I'll raise you twenty-five bucks a week. +If you won't do it for love, how about money? Forget the other offer and I'll raise you twenty-five bucks a week. Listen, you bumble-headed baboon -- +Listen, you bumble-headed baboon -- All right -- thirty-five, and not a cent more! +All right -- thirty-five, and not a cent more! Please! Will you just -- +Please! Will you just -- Great grief! What's that other paper going to give you? +Great grief! What's that other paper going to give you? I'm not working for any other paper! +I'm not working for any other paper! Oh! In that case, the raise is off and you go back to your old salary and like it. Trying to blackjack -- +Oh! In that case, the raise is off and you go back to your old salary and like it. Trying to blackjack -- Look at this! +I tried to tell you right away but you started reminiscing. I'm getting married, Walter, and also getting as far away from the newspaper business as I can get! I'm through. Get married all you want to, Hildy, but you can't quit the newspaper business. +Get married all you want to, Hildy, but you can't quit the newspaper business. You can't sell me that, Walter. +You can't sell me that, Walter. Who says I can't? You're a newspaper man. +Who says I can't? You're a newspaper man. That's why I'm quitting. I want to go some place where I can be a woman. +That's why I'm quitting. I want to go some place where I can be a woman. I know you, Hildy, and I know what it would mean. It would kill you. +I know you, Hildy, and I know what it would mean. It would kill you. A journalist! Peeking through keyholes -- running after fire engines -- waking people up in the middle of the night to ask them if they think Hitler's going to start a war -- stealing pictures off old ladies of their daughters that got chased by apemen! I know all about reporters -- a lot of daffy buttinskies going around without a nickel in their pockets, and for what? So a million hired girls and motormen's wives will know what's going on! No, Walter, I'm through. +A journalist! Peeking through keyholes -- running after fire engines -- waking people up in the middle of the night to ask them if they think Hitler's going to start a war -- stealing pictures off old ladies of their daughters that got chased by apemen! I know all about reporters -- a lot of daffy buttinskies going around without a nickel in their pockets, and for what? So a million hired girls and motormen's wives will know what's going on! No, Walter, I'm through. Where'd you meet this man? +Where'd you meet this man? Bermuda. +Bermuda. Bermuda... Rich, eh? +Bermuda... Rich, eh? Not what you'd call rich. Makes about five thousand a year. +Not what you'd call rich. Makes about five thousand a year. What's his line? +What's his line? He's in the insurance business. +He's in the insurance business. The insurance business? +The insurance business? It's a good, honest business, isn't it? +It's a good, honest business, isn't it? Oh sure, it's honest. But somehow, I can't picture you with a guy who sells policies. +Oh sure, it's honest. But somehow, I can't picture you with a guy who sells policies. Well, I can, and I love it! He forgets the office when he's with me. He doesn't treat me like an errand-boy -- he treats me like a woman. +Well, I can, and I love it! He forgets the office when he's with me. He doesn't treat me like an errand-boy -- he treats me like a woman. He does, does he? How did I treat you -- like a water buffalo? +He does, does he? How did I treat you -- like a water buffalo? I don't know about water buffaloes, but I know about him. He's kind and sweet and considerate. He wants a home -- and children. +I don't know about water buffaloes, but I know about him. He's kind and sweet and considerate. He wants a home -- and children. Say, sounds more like a guy I ought to marry. What's his name? +Say, sounds more like a guy I ought to marry. What's his name? Well, I'll give you a hint. By tomorrow they'll be calling me Mrs. Bruce Baldwin. +Well, I'll give you a hint. By tomorrow they'll be calling me Mrs. Bruce Baldwin. Tomorrow? Tomorrow... as quick as that? +Tomorrow? Tomorrow... as quick as that? The quicker the better. Well -- I finally got out what I came in to tell you. So long, Walter, and better luck next time. +The quicker the better. Well -- I finally got out what I came in to tell you. So long, Walter, and better luck next time. I wish you everything I couldn't give you, Hildy. +I wish you everything I couldn't give you, Hildy. Thanks... +Thanks... Too bad I couldn't see this guy first. I'm pretty particular about whom my wife marries. +Too bad I couldn't see this guy first. I'm pretty particular about whom my wife marries. Well, he's waiting in the anteroom for me now. +Well, he's waiting in the anteroom for me now. Say, could I meet him? +Say, could I meet him? Oh, better not, Walter. Wouldn't do any good. +Oh, better not, Walter. Wouldn't do any good. You're not afraid, are you? +You're not afraid, are you? Afraid? I should say not! +Afraid? I should say not! All right then, come on and let's see this paragon. Is he as good as you say? +All right then, come on and let's see this paragon. Is he as good as you say? Better. +Then what does he want with you? Now you got me. +Now you got me. Nothing personal. I was just asking. +You wouldn't believe this, Walter, but Bruce holds the door open for me. No kidding? +And he takes his hat off when he's with a lady. What for? +What for? And when he walks with a lady, he waits for her! +And when he walks with a lady, he waits for her! Oh, I'm sorry. +Allow me. Thanks. +I suppose I can't call this off without creating a scene -- but remember, it's your last fling. How do you like that? Here I am being nice to you and your sweet-heart and that's the thanks I get! +Well, I'll tell you one thing, old man, she never looked at me the way she's looking at you. I might have, Walter, but you were never there. +I might have, Walter, but you were never there. Anyway, I'm glad you two are going to be happy and have all the things I couldn't give her. You know, Hildy is about the best reporter in the country -- and that goes regardless of sex. But all she really ever wanted was a home. +Here's luck to the bride and bridegroom. Thank you. +What now? His wife had twins and he went out to celebrate and got as drunk as a lord. They can't even find him. I tell you, drink is the ruin of this nation. +His wife had twins and he went out to celebrate and got as drunk as a lord. They can't even find him. I tell you, drink is the ruin of this nation. You said it. +You said it. So -- Sweeney gets twins -- and Earl Williams gets hanged tomorrow. +If he's nuts, why doesn't the State just put him away? Because it happened to be a colored policeman. +Because it happened to be a colored policeman. The colored vote happens to be very important to the Mayor of this town. +The colored vote happens to be very important to the Mayor of this town. Especially with an election coming up in a few days. +No, Bruce, dear. Don't you see? This is a trick to get your sympathy. No, Walter, I've been waiting for something like this -- but I wasn't sure when you'd spring it. If you want to save Earl Williams' life, you can interview him yourself. You're still a good reporter. Bruce and I will be on that four o'clock train -- and thanks just the same. I'm an editor. I know what ought to be written, but I can't write it the way you could. It needs a woman's heart -- +I'm an editor. I know what ought to be written, but I can't write it the way you could. It needs a woman's heart -- Why, Walter, you're getting poetic! +Why, Walter, you're getting poetic! You see what I had to put up with? She never trusted me! You argue with her -- otherwise you're going on a honeymoon with blood on your hands! +How can you have any happiness after that? All through the years you'll remember that a man went to the gallows because you were too selfish to wait two hours! I tell you, Earl Williams' face will come between you on the train tonight -- and at the preacher's tomorrow -- and all the rest of your lives! What a performance! Bravo! Don't let him fool you, Bruce -- it's only an act! +What a performance! Bravo! Don't let him fool you, Bruce -- it's only an act! What do you mean, only an act? Haven't you got any feeling? +What do you mean, only an act? Haven't you got any feeling? Well, it's either an act on your part or a miracle on Sweeney's. +Well, it's either an act on your part or a miracle on Sweeney's. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I happen to know Sweeney was married only three months ago. If he's got twins this morning, I claim it was done with mirrors. +I happen to know Sweeney was married only three months ago. If he's got twins this morning, I claim it was done with mirrors. All right, Hildy, I'm licked. But I'll make you and Bruce a business proposition. +All right, Hildy, I'm licked. But I'll make you and Bruce a business proposition. We're not interested. +We're not interested. Maybe you'll be. You're a smart young man. You let Hildy do this story for me and you can write out a $100,000.00 insurance policy for me. What do you say? +Now you're talking! You keep out of this. Bruce, suppose you examine Mr. Burns in his office. I'll get my bag and go over to the Press Room in the Criminal Courts Building. You phone me as soon as Mr. Burns has given you his check. Then I'll go get the interview and you phone Mother that we're taking the six o'clock train. And no tricks, Walter! +You keep out of this. Bruce, suppose you examine Mr. Burns in his office. I'll get my bag and go over to the Press Room in the Criminal Courts Building. You phone me as soon as Mr. Burns has given you his check. Then I'll go get the interview and you phone Mother that we're taking the six o'clock train. And no tricks, Walter! What tricks would I pull? +What tricks would I pull? Oh, nothing! Of course, you might cancel the check. Yes! Wait a minute! What would be his first payment on that policy? +What do you think I am -- a crook? Yes --- and that's putting it mildly! No certified check -- no story -- Get me? +Yes --- and that's putting it mildly! No certified check -- no story -- Get me? All right. The check will be certified. Want my fingerprints? +All right. The check will be certified. Want my fingerprints? No thanks, I've still got those. Well, I'll step into some working clothes and hop over to the Press Room for the background on this yarn. It'll be kind of fun to see the boys again, too. Remember, Bruce, it must be certified. +Exclusive? That's great. It cost me four hundred and fifty bucks to tear it out of Cooley. +It cost me four hundred and fifty bucks to tear it out of Cooley. Never mind that. What's the story? +Never mind that. What's the story? Never mind it? That's not my money! That's Bruce's money! +Never mind it? That's not my money! That's Bruce's money! You'll get it. Now what's the story? I'll have the paper send the money right down to you. I swear it on my mother's grave. +You'll get it. Now what's the story? I'll have the paper send the money right down to you. I swear it on my mother's grave. Wait a minute. Your mother's alive. +Wait a minute. Your mother's alive. I meant on my grandmother's grave. Don't be so technical, Hildy. What's the story?! +I meant on my grandmother's grave. Don't be so technical, Hildy. What's the story?! Well, this expert Dr. Egelhoffer, from New York, decides to make Williams re-enact the crime -- +Well, I'm coming to it. It seems the Professor had to have a gun to re- enact the crime with -- and who do you suppose supplied it? Nobody else but that great thinker, Sheriff Hartman! No kidding, Hildy. Say, this isn't a rib? +No kidding, Hildy. Say, this isn't a rib? No, this is on the level, Walter. I'm not good enough to make this one up. The Sheriff gave his gun to the Professor, the Professor gave it to Earl, and Earl gave it right back to the Professor -- right in the stomach! Who? No, Egelhoffer wasn't hurt badly. They took him to the County Hospital where they're afraid he'll recover. +No, this is on the level, Walter. I'm not good enough to make this one up. The Sheriff gave his gun to the Professor, the Professor gave it to Earl, and Earl gave it right back to the Professor -- right in the stomach! Who? No, Egelhoffer wasn't hurt badly. They took him to the County Hospital where they're afraid he'll recover. That's great work, Hildy... Huh? Oh, will you stop worrying about the money? I'll see you get it in fifteen minutes. +That's great work, Hildy... Huh? Oh, will you stop worrying about the money? I'll see you get it in fifteen minutes. It better be fifteen minutes, because Bruce is waiting downstairs in a taxicab and that meter's clicking away to beat the band. +It better be fifteen minutes, because Bruce is waiting downstairs in a taxicab and that meter's clicking away to beat the band. Hold on a minute. +Walter! D-did you see -- -- that? Yes. Where is he? +Yes. Where is he? She jumped out of the window. +She jumped out of the window. I know. Where is he, I said. +Where do you think you're going? Let go o' me! I've got to get Bruce out of jail! Oh, Walter, why did you have to do this to me? +Let go o' me! I've got to get Bruce out of jail! Oh, Walter, why did you have to do this to me? Get Bruce out of jail! How can you worry about a man who's resting comfortably in a quiet police station while this is going on? Hildy, this is war! You can't desert now! +Get Bruce out of jail! How can you worry about a man who's resting comfortably in a quiet police station while this is going on? Hildy, this is war! You can't desert now! Oh, get off that trapeze! There's your story! Smear it all over the front page -- Earl Williams caught by the Morning Post! And take all the credit -- I covered your story for you and I got myself in a fine mess doing it -- and now I'm getting out! I know I told you that twice before today -- but this time I mean it! +Oh, get off that trapeze! There's your story! Smear it all over the front page -- Earl Williams caught by the Morning Post! And take all the credit -- I covered your story for you and I got myself in a fine mess doing it -- and now I'm getting out! I know I told you that twice before today -- but this time I mean it! You drooling idiot! What do you mean, you're getting out! There are three hundred and sixty-five days in the year one can get married -- but how many times have you got a murderer locked up in a desk? -- Once in a lifetime! Hildy, you've got the whole city by the seat of the pants! +You drooling idiot! What do you mean, you're getting out! There are three hundred and sixty-five days in the year one can get married -- but how many times have you got a murderer locked up in a desk? -- Once in a lifetime! Hildy, you've got the whole city by the seat of the pants! I know, but -- +I know, but -- You know! You've got the brain of a pancake! That wasn't just a story you covered -- it was a revolution! Hildy! This is the greatest yarn in journalism since Livingstone discovered Stanley for the New York Herald! +You know! You've got the brain of a pancake! That wasn't just a story you covered -- it was a revolution! Hildy! This is the greatest yarn in journalism since Livingstone discovered Stanley for the New York Herald! Wait a minute -- wasn't it Stanley who discovered Livingstone? +Wait a minute -- wasn't it Stanley who discovered Livingstone? Don't get technical at a time like this! Do you realize what you've done? You've taken a city that's been graft-ridden for forty years under the same old gang and with this yarn you're kicking 'em out and giving us a chance to have the same kind of government that New York's having under La Guardia! We'll make such monkeys out of these ward-heelers next Tuesday that nobody'll vote for them -- not even their wives! +Don't get technical at a time like this! Do you realize what you've done? You've taken a city that's been graft-ridden for forty years under the same old gang and with this yarn you're kicking 'em out and giving us a chance to have the same kind of government that New York's having under La Guardia! We'll make such monkeys out of these ward-heelers next Tuesday that nobody'll vote for them -- not even their wives! I'd like to think. +I'd like to think. Well, think it then, because it's true! We'll crucify that mob. We're going to keep Williams under cover till morning so the Post can break the story exclusive. Then we'll let the Governor in on the capture -- share the glory with him. +Well, think it then, because it's true! We'll crucify that mob. We're going to keep Williams under cover till morning so the Post can break the story exclusive. Then we'll let the Governor in on the capture -- share the glory with him. I get it! +I get it! You've kicked over the whole City Hall like an apple-cart. You've got the Mayor and Hartman backed against a wall. You've put one administration out and another in. This isn't a newspaper story -- it's a career! And you stand there belly-aching about whether you catch an eight o'clock train or a nine o'clock train! Still a doll-faced mugg! That's all you are. +You've kicked over the whole City Hall like an apple-cart. You've got the Mayor and Hartman backed against a wall. You've put one administration out and another in. This isn't a newspaper story -- it's a career! And you stand there belly-aching about whether you catch an eight o'clock train or a nine o'clock train! Still a doll-faced mugg! That's all you are. Let me get at that typewriter and I'll show you how a doll-faced mugg can write! +Let me get at that typewriter and I'll show you how a doll-faced mugg can write! Attagirl! Why, they'll be naming streets after you -- Hildy Johnson Street! There'll be statues of you in the parks, Hildy. The radio'll be after you -- the movies! By tomorrow morning I'll betcha there's a Hildy Johnson cigar! I can see the billboards now. Light up with Hildy Johnson! +Attagirl! Why, they'll be naming streets after you -- Hildy Johnson Street! There'll be statues of you in the parks, Hildy. The radio'll be after you -- the movies! By tomorrow morning I'll betcha there's a Hildy Johnson cigar! I can see the billboards now. Light up with Hildy Johnson! Whoa -- wait a minute. We can't leave Williams here. One of the other fellows'll -- +Whoa -- wait a minute. We can't leave Williams here. One of the other fellows'll -- We're going to take him over to my private office. Where's our phone? +We're going to take him over to my private office. Where's our phone? That one -- how you gonna take him? They'll see him. +Not if he's inside the desk. We'll carry the desk over. Give me Duffy! You can't take that desk out. It's crawling with cops outside. +You can't take that desk out. It's crawling with cops outside. We'll lower it out of the window with pulleys. Quit stallin'. +Hildy! Huh! +Huh! Get the lead out of your typewriter and start pounding out a load, will you? Snap into it! +Get the lead out of your typewriter and start pounding out a load, will you? Snap into it! How much do you want on it? +How much do you want on it? All the words you've got. +All the words you've got. Where's some paper? +Can I call the Mayor a bird of prey -- or is that libelous? Call him a love-child, if you want to. Duffy! +How about the time he had his house painted by the Fire Department? Give him the works. Hello, Duffy, get set! We've got the biggest story in the world. Earl Williams caught by the Morning Post -- exclusive! +For Pete's sake, Hildy, they're waiting for the rest of that story! Okay, Walter. +Hildy! All right, Walter. +Listen, did you impress it on Butch that I want him and his gang here right away? You did? Every minute counts. All right. Duffy's getting old! Where's Butch? +Well, keep going! We want an extra out on the streets before it's too late! Where's Bruce? +Where's Bruce? Bruce? Oh -- er -- he went out to get the tickets. +Bruce? Oh -- er -- he went out to get the tickets. What tickets? +What tickets? Railroad tickets. +Railroad tickets. Is he coming back here? +Is he coming back here? Didn't you hear him? Of course he's coming back here. Keep going, will you? +Double-crossing swine! You said it! But this'll teach him a lesson. He won't quit his paper without giving notice after this. +Tear into it, will you? Don't sit there like a frozen robin! I'm finished. +I'm finished. Finished! +Bruce ought to be back by now. Walter, you're not trying anything again, are you? Hildy, you think I could? After this story? Here! You're just nervous. +Where's Mrs. Baldwin? What did you do with her? +What did you do with her? What happened? +What happened? You been in a fight? +Where is she? Tell me! Louie! +Don't tell me -- was she killed? Was she? Did you notice? +It's Fate, Hildy. What will be, will be. What am I going to say to Bruce? What'll I tell him? +What am I going to say to Bruce? What'll I tell him? If he really loves you, you won't have to tell him anything. Snap out of it! Would you rather have had the old dame dragging the whole police force in here? +If he really loves you, you won't have to tell him anything. Snap out of it! Would you rather have had the old dame dragging the whole police force in here? I killed her. I'm responsible. Oh- h... what can I do now? How can I ever face him? Oh, I hope he never comes back! +Look at me, Hildy -- I'm looking at you -- you murderer! +I'm looking at you -- you murderer! If it was my own mother, I'd carry on! You know I would. For the paper! +If it was my own mother, I'd carry on! You know I would. For the paper! Louie, where'd it happen? I'm going out! +Hello -- hello... Gimme Western four-five-five-seven. +Gimme Western four-five-five-seven. Who? Hello, Butch! Where are you? +Who? Hello, Butch! Where are you? Mission Hospital? Gimme the Receiving Room. +Mission Hospital? Gimme the Receiving Room. What are you doing there? Haven't you even started? +What are you doing there? Haven't you even started? Hello -- Eddie? Hildy Johnson. Was there an old lady brought in from an auto smashup? +Hello -- Eddie? Hildy Johnson. Was there an old lady brought in from an auto smashup? Oh, for -- H. Sebastian -- Butch! Listen, it's a matter of life and death! Listen! +Oh, for -- H. Sebastian -- Butch! Listen, it's a matter of life and death! Listen! Nobody? Morningside three-one-two-four. +Nobody? Morningside three-one-two-four. I can't hear... You got who? Speak up! A what?... You can't stop for a dame now! +I can't hear... You got who? Speak up! A what?... You can't stop for a dame now! Is this the Community Hospital? +Is this the Community Hospital? I don't care if you've been after her for six years! Butch, our whole lives are at stake! Are you going to let a woman come between us after all we've been through? +I don't care if you've been after her for six years! Butch, our whole lives are at stake! Are you going to let a woman come between us after all we've been through? Hello, Max, Hildy Johnson. Was there an old lady --? +Hello, Max, Hildy Johnson. Was there an old lady --? Butch! I'd put my arm in fire for you -- up to here! Now, you can't double-cross me!... She does? All right -- put her on. I'll talk to her... Hello! Oh, hello, Madam... Now listen, you ten-cent glamour girl, you can't keep Butch away from his duty... What's that? You say that again and I'll come over there and knock your eye out! Hello? I'll kill 'em! I'll kill both of 'em! Duffy! Mousing around with some big blonde Annie on my time! That's co-operation! Duffy!! +Butch! I'd put my arm in fire for you -- up to here! Now, you can't double-cross me!... She does? All right -- put her on. I'll talk to her... Hello! Oh, hello, Madam... Now listen, you ten-cent glamour girl, you can't keep Butch away from his duty... What's that? You say that again and I'll come over there and knock your eye out! Hello? I'll kill 'em! I'll kill both of 'em! Duffy! Mousing around with some big blonde Annie on my time! That's co-operation! Duffy!! Shut up, will you? You sure? Nobody? +Shut up, will you? You sure? Nobody? Duffy!!!! Duffy!!!! Well, where is Duffy? Diabetes! I ought to know better than to hire anybody with a disease. Louie. +Lafayette two-one-hundred. That dumb immigrant'll flop on me. I know it. Can you imagine Butch doing this to me -- at a time like this? +Ring that number, will you? Come here. See if we can move it. +Come here. See if we can move it. Hello -- hello! Is this the Lying -- In Hospital? Did you have an auto accident in the last -- +Hello -- hello! Is this the Lying -- In Hospital? Did you have an auto accident in the last -- Will you come here? +Will you come here? Oh, I see. I beg your pardon. +Oh, I see. I beg your pardon. When I'm surrounded, with my back against the wall, you're not going to lay down on me, are you -- +When I'm surrounded, with my back against the wall, you're not going to lay down on me, are you -- Yes. +Hildy, you just can't leave me out on a limb now. It -- it wouldn't be cricket! I don't care what you say. I'm going to find Bruce's mother. Oh-h... I'm going out and find her! +Don't open that! Who says so? I'm going to the morgue -- to look -- +No, you don't! Walter! What is it? Here! +No! Yes! What are you afraid of Hildy? I dare him to move that desk out of here. +Wait a minute! Let go there! Murder, uh? +Murder, uh? Hanging an innocent man to win an election! +When did you deliver this first? Who did you talk to? +Which ought to be about three hours more, I'd say. Just until we can get out a special edition asking for your impeachment. +Just until we can get out a special edition asking for your impeachment. And your arrest. You'll each get about ten years, I think. +How was that for a tight squeeze? Don't tell me you were worried! +Don't tell me you were worried! Worried! I was petrified. Weren't you? +Worried! I was petrified. Weren't you? Uh-uh. As long as we were in there together pitching -- they couldn't lick us. Well, it's been a lot of fun. +Uh-uh. As long as we were in there together pitching -- they couldn't lick us. Well, it's been a lot of fun. In a way. +In a way. I mean -- working together. Just like the old days. The things we've been through, Hildy. +I mean -- working together. Just like the old days. The things we've been through, Hildy. We've certainly been in some swell jams. +We've certainly been in some swell jams. Remember the time we broke into the D.A.'s office, and copied Fifi Randell's diary? +Remember the time we broke into the D.A.'s office, and copied Fifi Randell's diary? Yeah. What about the time we hid the missing heiress in the sauerkraut factory? Six scoop interviews! +Yeah. What about the time we hid the missing heiress in the sauerkraut factory? Six scoop interviews! Yeah - but that time we stole Old Lady Haggerty's stomach off the Coroner's physician. We proved she was poisoned though, didn't we? +Yeah - but that time we stole Old Lady Haggerty's stomach off the Coroner's physician. We proved she was poisoned though, didn't we? We sure did, but we had to go in hiding for a week. +We sure did, but we had to go in hiding for a week. In the Shoreland Hotel. And our only chaperon was the poor old lady's stomach. +In the Shoreland Hotel. And our only chaperon was the poor old lady's stomach. Don't remind me. That's how we happened to -- +Sorry, Hildy. I didn't mean to be making love to another man's fiancee. That's all right, Walter. It's as much my fault as yours. +That's all right, Walter. It's as much my fault as yours. Bruce is making the nine o'clock train. I told him you'd be on it -- unless you want to write this story yourself. +Bruce is making the nine o'clock train. I told him you'd be on it -- unless you want to write this story yourself. Well, if it's my last story, I'd like it to be a good one. But -- I guess I can't, Walter. +Well, if it's my last story, I'd like it to be a good one. But -- I guess I can't, Walter. Suit yourself, kid. This isn't for me to decide. Of course, you could make a later train and still be in Albany tomorrow morning. +Suit yourself, kid. This isn't for me to decide. Of course, you could make a later train and still be in Albany tomorrow morning. Yeah. I suppose I could. But, Walter -- +Yeah. I suppose I could. But, Walter -- He's going to have you the rest of his life, Hildy. Can't you give me another hour? +He's going to have you the rest of his life, Hildy. Can't you give me another hour? I don't know what to do, Walter. +I don't know what to do, Walter. Flip a coin. +Flip a coin. All right. Heads I go -- tails I stay to write the story. Ready? +Well -- what is it? What's the difference? I'm going to write that story -- and you know it! +Hildy! Don't touch me! I'm not doing it for you! +Don't touch me! I'm not doing it for you! Then why are you doing it? +Then why are you doing it? Because I'm a newspaper woman, Heaven help me! +The greatest yarn ever written by anybody. My hat's off to you, Hildy! Thanks. +Thanks. And what a way to quit. While you're still champion! That's the way to leave, Hildy! +And what a way to quit. While you're still champion! That's the way to leave, Hildy! Yeah. Only -- only I'm not leaving, Walter. +Yeah. Only -- only I'm not leaving, Walter. What do you mean? Bruce'll be waiting for you in Albany. +What do you mean? Bruce'll be waiting for you in Albany. No, he won't. I wired him that I wasn't coming. +No, he won't. I wired him that I wasn't coming. Where'd you wire him? +Where'd you wire him? On the nine o'clock train. That's the one he took, isn't it? +On the nine o'clock train. That's the one he took, isn't it? Sure. +Sure. It's awfully clear now. Bruce needs a wife who can give him a home -- and affection -- and peace. I couldn't do that for him, Walter. I'm what you made me -- a cheap reporter who'd give up her soul for a story!... Is that job still open? +It's awfully clear now. Bruce needs a wife who can give him a home -- and affection -- and peace. I couldn't do that for him, Walter. I'm what you made me -- a cheap reporter who'd give up her soul for a story!... Is that job still open? Both jobs are open, Hildy. The paper -- and being Mrs. Walter Burns. +Both jobs are open, Hildy. The paper -- and being Mrs. Walter Burns. Thanks, Walter, but it's no good. We tried it. +Thanks, Walter, but it's no good. We tried it. Sure, it was good -- it was wonderful! Only you expected it to be like other marriages. It can't be like other marriages -- we're different! We're a different world. Look at what we went through today. I wouldn't trade that for any honeymoon in the world. I bet you wouldn't, either. +Sure, it was good -- it was wonderful! Only you expected it to be like other marriages. It can't be like other marriages -- we're different! We're a different world. Look at what we went through today. I wouldn't trade that for any honeymoon in the world. I bet you wouldn't, either. A fine honeymoon, with a murderer right in the boudoir! And that other honeymoon in a coal mine! +A fine honeymoon, with a murderer right in the boudoir! And that other honeymoon in a coal mine! That's what makes it romantic. Every other married couple goes away on a honeymoon and for two weeks the bride knows just where the groom is, and vice versa. But us -- you never know where I am and I'm not sure where you are. That's Romance! +That's what makes it romantic. Every other married couple goes away on a honeymoon and for two weeks the bride knows just where the groom is, and vice versa. But us -- you never know where I am and I'm not sure where you are. That's Romance! Well, maybe I'd like to know just once! +Well, maybe I'd like to know just once! Hildy, if that's what you want, all right. We'll even go to -- how about Niagara Falls? +Hildy, if that's what you want, all right. We'll even go to -- how about Niagara Falls? Niagara Falls! Walter, you don't mean that? +Niagara Falls! Walter, you don't mean that? Sure I do. And I'll tell you something else -- I'd like a baby. +Sure I do. And I'll tell you something else -- I'd like a baby. Walter! +Walter! Sure, I can't last forever. I want a son I can train to take my place on this paper. +Sure, I can't last forever. I want a son I can train to take my place on this paper. What would you do if it was a daughter? +What would you do if it was a daughter? Well, if she looked like you -- Say! My brains and your looks -- that mightn't be such a bad combination. +Well, if she looked like you -- Say! My brains and your looks -- that mightn't be such a bad combination. What's the matter with my brains? +What's the matter with my brains? What's the good of arguing about something that probably doesn't exist? Look, Hildy, I'm proposing to you. What do you say? +What's the good of arguing about something that probably doesn't exist? Look, Hildy, I'm proposing to you. What do you say? Well, I'd like to be lady-like and think it over. +Well, I'd like to be lady-like and think it over. I don't want to rush you. Take a couple of seconds. +What! Now don't argue, Hildy. How about it, Judge? +That's what he said the last time. Don't believe him, Judge. Hildy, from this time on no tricks, no double-crossing -- everything on the level! +Hildy, from this time on no tricks, no double-crossing -- everything on the level! You're not fooling anybody. +How about Bruce's? Walter, you can't do that! +Walter, you can't do that! "Sure, I can. Look at the policy I gave him! ""With this ring I thee wed and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: And thereto I plight thee my troth.""" +Hildy, darling! Yes -- 'Hildy, darling'. I'm just a fool. That's what I am. I know what it's going to be like. +Yes -- 'Hildy, darling'. I'm just a fool. That's what I am. I know what it's going to be like. It'll be Heaven! +It'll be Heaven! Sure, Heaven! You've probably thought up another coal mine to send me down in -- to get a new story for your paper! +But, Hildy -- I can explain -- You -- you!! +Louie, take this lady over to Polack Mike's and lock her up. See that she doesn't take to anyone on the way. What's that -- what's that? +Are you referring to me, Madam? You know you did! +Come on, Sheriff. We've got to get bail. I was in here -- and they had some kind of murderer in with them. They were hiding him! +Oh, dear! Oh, dear! You grey-haired old Judas! +You grey-haired old Judas! Let me out! Let me out of here! +Down Western Avenue. We were going sixty-five miles an hour. You know what I mean? Take that mush out of your mouth! +Butter-fingers! I give you an old lady to take somewhere, and you hand her over to the cops! What do you mean, I handed her? The patrol wagon was on the wrong side of the street. +What do you mean, I handed her? The patrol wagon was on the wrong side of the street. Now everything's fine. She's probably squawking her head off in some police station. +Now everything's fine. She's probably squawking her head off in some police station. I don't think she's talking much... You know what I mean? +You stay here. I'll find out everything. Western an' Thirty-fourth. +Anything you want, Boss. Beat it out and get hold of some guys. +Beat it out and get hold of some guys. Who do you want? +Who do you want? Anybody with hair on his chest. Get 'em off the street -- anywhere. Offer them anything -- only get them. We've got to get this desk out of here. +You know me. The shirt off my back. You got plenty of money? +You got plenty of money? Sure, boss. +Sure, boss. I mean real money -- not counterfeit! +I mean real money -- not counterfeit! I always have both. +Walter! I'm busy, Duffy. +I'm busy, Duffy. Well, you're not too busy to know that the Governor hasn't signed that reprieve! +Well, you're not too busy to know that the Governor hasn't signed that reprieve! What? +What? And that means Earl Williams dies tomorrow morning and makes a sucker out of us! +And that means Earl Williams dies tomorrow morning and makes a sucker out of us! You're crazy. Where's Mac? +You're crazy. Where's Mac? He's on my phone. He just called me. +He's on my phone. He just called me. They can't do that to me! +Don't blame me. I'm City Editor in name only. You do all the hiring around here. Yeah! Well, I do the firing, too. Remember that, Duffy, and Keep a civil tongue in your head. +Here's that certified check, Walter. I drew out my wife's savings, and if this isn't back by 5:30 I'm a ruined man! Don't worry, Duffy, you'll have it back by five. Thanks, Duffy. Stick around. +Hello, Hildy! What are you doing around here? I want to interview Earl Williams, Warden. How about a little service? +I want to interview Earl Williams, Warden. How about a little service? No more interviews. Besides, a doctor's coming over. +Say, isn't this your twenty dollars? I think it is. +I think it is. I thought so. Come on, I'm in a hurry. +Cooley, I want to talk to you. Hildy -- I can't. I'm busy -- I -- Let me up, Hildy. Earl Williams has escaped -- +There's money in it, Cooley. I can't Hildy. It means my job! It means -- +I can't Hildy. It means my job! It means -- A lot of money. Four hundred and fifty dollars -- +How much? Four hundred and fifty dollars. Is it a deal? +Four hundred and fifty dollars. Is it a deal? It's a deal. Let me up. +Let's see the money. First we talk. How did Earl Williams get that gun? +The newspapers! Sheriff, they're the scum of modern civilization. You said it! +You said it! They're always after me for interviews. +They're always after me for interviews. Me, too. +Me, too. Of course, I sort of promised them I would give out a statement when I got through here. You don't mind? +Of course, I sort of promised them I would give out a statement when I got through here. You don't mind? Well, I don't know if that's ethical. You see, all statements are supposed to come from me. +Well, I don't know if that's ethical. You see, all statements are supposed to come from me. We'll have to satisfy them. What would you say to giving them a joint interview? I could give them some of the psychological aspects of the case and you could give them the legal aspects. +We'll have to satisfy them. What would you say to giving them a joint interview? I could give them some of the psychological aspects of the case and you could give them the legal aspects. A joint interview, eh? That might be all right. We could have our pictures taken together, Doctor. +A joint interview, eh? That might be all right. We could have our pictures taken together, Doctor. Yes, shaking hands. I don't take a very good picture, though. +Yes, shaking hands. I don't take a very good picture, though. It doesn't matter. The publicity's the main thing. +It doesn't matter. The publicity's the main thing. Yes, I suppose so. It all helps. +I don't know -- Come, come, Sheriff, lightning doesn't strike in the same place twice. Nothing's going to happen. +Are you gentlemen all through with me? Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you were here. No, Mr. Williams, we still have some questions for you. Sheriff, will you kindly extinguish the lights? +You know you are to be executed, Mr. Williams. Who do you feel is responsible for that? The system. But I'm not afraid to die, Doctor. I'm dying for what I believe. +The system. But I'm not afraid to die, Doctor. I'm dying for what I believe. I see. You realize, however, that you committed a crime? +I see. You realize, however, that you committed a crime? In a legal sense, yes. But not actually. Actually, I'm innocent. I didn't do anything. +Now, the Sheriff will be Mollie Malloy, in whose room you were. You will be Earl Williams. And I will be the policeman. Follow me, Mr. Williams? Yes, sir. +So -- now I say to you: 'Earl Williams, you are under arrest!' and you point your gun at me. Well, it wasn't exactly that way -- +Well, it wasn't exactly that way -- Point the gun at me! +Well, that about covers everything. Good. Now I want to ask you fellows a couple of questions. Did Earl Williams know what he was doing when he fired that gun? +Say, that's old Prissy Bensinger's desk. I know, I just want to give him a thrill. +I call. What you got? Three bullets! Any good? +Three bullets! Any good? Beats king up. +Who locked the door? Just a second, Mike --- Mollie, I got it! +Open up there, will you! All right -- all right! +Hey! Mollie, drop down here! You've fainted! +Kind of exclusive, ain't you? We got calls to make, you know. Run down and get some smelling salts, will you? +Mollie Malloy -- what happened to her? Came up here -- had hysterics and passed out. I've been trying to get her to come to. +She looks as though she's going to come to. Give me a hand with her, will you? +Give me a hand with her, will you? Okay. Up you go, Mollie. +A fine bunch of reporters. Biggest story in two years and they're too lazy to go after it. It's easy for you to talk. You're retired. We're still working. +Better let us in on it, Mollie. Aw, why don't you let her alone? She's ill! +That must be the tenth alienist they've had on Williams. Even if he wasn't crazy before, he would be after ten of those babies got through psychoanalyzing him. Gimme the desk. This Egelhoffer's pretty good. +This Egelhoffer's pretty good. Yeah? What did he ever do for his country? +Yeah? What did he ever do for his country? Don't you remember? He's the guy went to Washington to interview the Brain Trust, and gave out a statement that they were all sane. It created a sensation! +Trouble is, when the Red Menace shows up the Sheriff will still be crying 'Wolf!' What have you got, Hildy? +Well, a guy can win when Hildy ain't around. Who's this guy she's gonna marry? +She says she's gonna write fiction. Well, if she's gonna write fiction, there's nothing like being a reporter. +You guys wanna play some more poker? What's the use? I can't win a pot. +Boy, did you see her go? Lioness Rushes to Defense of Cub. +No, I tell you! Nobody knows where he got it. The Crime Commission has offered a reward of ten thousand dollars for Williams' capture. +The Crime Commission has offered a reward of ten thousand dollars for Williams' capture. Call you back. +So have we! What's the dope, Sheriff? +What's the dope, Sheriff? Who engineered this getaway? +Say, Hildy, if I know you, you sound pretty anxious to get rid of us. Are you trying to scoop us or something? Something smells around here. If you ask me Mollie gave her the story on how Williams got that gun. Did you smuggle that gun into Williams, Mollie? +Oh, you two are pals now -- I think you're right, Endicott. Mollie did give her some kind of story. I tell you, it's a screwy set-up. We better hold onto 'em both. +Come on, you! Before we slap you down. Do you want us to call the cops and have them give you the boots? +Do you want us to call the cops and have them give you the boots? Where is he, before we beat it out of you? +Come on, Pinky! Give 'em a little third degree. Make them talk and you got Williams, Pinky! +Hold the phone! I'll have it in a minute. +I'll call. Three sixes. Is that any good? +Goodbye, Yonson. So long, Hildy. +What a chase! No luck on Williams, yet -- call you back. +You ain't gettin' out o' here! Now, where is he? +We know what you're up to. Probably goin' out to get Williams. +How's everything, Gus? I can't complain. +Oh -- I'll take the same, I guess. And coffee. Little rum in yours, too? +Little rum in yours, too? I guess so. +No -- just coffee, Gus. Just coffee. And you, sir? +Oh, I'm sorry, Gus! My foot must have slipped. That's all right. +Gus, this -- Good coffee, isn't it? +Same way you did. Through that gate. I gave strict orders that nobody was to interview Williams without my permission. +I gave strict orders that nobody was to interview Williams without my permission. All right, then, I'll just run the story that Sheriff Hartman is afraid to let reporters interview his prisoner. Of course, with election coming, that might do you a lot of harm, but just as you say. +All right, then, I'll just run the story that Sheriff Hartman is afraid to let reporters interview his prisoner. Of course, with election coming, that might do you a lot of harm, but just as you say. Now, wait a minute! I'm not afraid of anything. What were you going to write about Williams? +Now, wait a minute! I'm not afraid of anything. What were you going to write about Williams? Oh, nothing much. Just that the state had proved he was sane -- and he admits it himself. If you don't want me to run it -- +Oh, nothing much. Just that the state had proved he was sane -- and he admits it himself. If you don't want me to run it -- Oh, that'll be all right, Hildy. Go ahead, run it. And you can say I treated him well, too. 'Lo, Earl. How are you feeling? +No, thanks Sheriff. I'm leaving town tonight. You ought to stay over. You always wrote a good hanging story, Hildy. +You ought to stay over. You always wrote a good hanging story, Hildy. That's awful kind of you, Sheriff. I've got to get started on my interview. See you later. +Just a minute, Johnson! Let go o' me. What's the idea? +Take your paws off me! Hold her, boys! +Let me go! Fellows, something's happened to my mother-in-law. Hang onto her! Keep her in here! +I don't know anything, I tell you. There's been an accident. Johnson, there's something very peculiar going on. +Johnson, there's something very peculiar going on. You can send somebody with me if you don't believe me! +You can send somebody with me if you don't believe me! I wasn't born yesterday. Now the boys tell me you and this Mollie Malloy -- +I wasn't born yesterday. Now the boys tell me you and this Mollie Malloy -- Nobody's trying to put anything over on you. I'm getting out of here and you can't stop me! +Johnson, I'm going to the bottom of this. What do you know about Williams? Are you going to talk or aren't you? What do I know about Williams? +What do I know about Williams? All right, boys. Take her along. I got ways of making her talk. +Where'd you get this? I've got a right to carry a gun if I want to. +I've got a right to carry a gun if I want to. Not this gun! +He went over to the hospital to call on Professor Egelhoffer. What? +What? With a bag of marshmallows. +He's harmless. Don't take any chances. Shoot through the desk. +Don't take any chances. Shoot through the desk. He can't hurt anybody. You've got his gun. +That's murder! All right! Carl! Frank! One of you get on each side of the desk. Take hold of the cover. +If the Mayor wants me, he knows where I am. This tear bomb went off unexpectedly in the hands of Sheriff Hartman's Bombing Squad. +This tear bomb went off unexpectedly in the hands of Sheriff Hartman's Bombing Squad. What went off? +What went off? Four of Mr. Hartman's Deputy Sheriffs were rushed to the hospital -- +Four of Mr. Hartman's Deputy Sheriffs were rushed to the hospital -- A fine fair-weather friend you are! +A fine fair-weather friend you are! The names are Merwyn D. Mayor, who is the Mayor's brother-in-law -- +The names are Merwyn D. Mayor, who is the Mayor's brother-in-law -- After all I've done for you -- +After all I've done for you -- Howard Shenken, the Sheriff's uncle on his mother's side -- +Where is he? Where he used to live. You can catch the Riot Squad -- it's just going out. +I'm Sheriff Hartman. You want me? You're certainly a hard fellow to find, Sheriff. +For who? Earl Williams. The reprieve. +Read it! Insane, he says. He knows very well that Williams ain't insane! Yeah. But I -- +Well, wait a minute, will you? I'm in conference. No, I couldn't do that. +Just one second -- That's good, because my health ain't what it used to be. +Pete, I want to talk to you! I ain't got time, Fred, honest. I'll see you after. +I ain't got time, Fred, honest. I'll see you after. Did you actually give Williams that gun? +Did you actually give Williams that gun? The professor asked me for it -- I thought it was for something scientific! +The professor asked me for it -- I thought it was for something scientific! Pete, I've got a mighty unpleasant task to perf -- +Now, listen, Fred. Just give me a few hours before you make any decisions. I'll get results. I'm doing everything humanly possible. I've just sworn in four hundred deputies. Four hundred! Do you want to bankrupt this administration? +Four hundred! Do you want to bankrupt this administration? I'm getting them for twelve dollars a night. +I'm getting them for twelve dollars a night. Twelve dollars! -- For those rheumatic uncles of yours? Out shooting everybody they see for the fun of it? +Twelve dollars! -- For those rheumatic uncles of yours? Out shooting everybody they see for the fun of it? If you're talking about my brother- in-law, he's worked for the city fifteen years. +Pete, you're through! What do you mean -- through? +What do you mean -- through? I mean I'm scratching your name off the ticket Tuesday and running Czernecki in your place. It's nothing personal. And, Pete -- it's the only way out. It's a sacrifice we all ought to be glad to make. +I mean I'm scratching your name off the ticket Tuesday and running Czernecki in your place. It's nothing personal. And, Pete -- it's the only way out. It's a sacrifice we all ought to be glad to make. Fred! +Fred! Now, Pete! Please don't appeal to my Sentimental side. +Now, Pete! Please don't appeal to my Sentimental side. Fred, I don't know what to say. A thing like this almost destroys a man's faith in human nature. +Fred, I don't know what to say. A thing like this almost destroys a man's faith in human nature. I wish you wouldn't talk like that, Pete. +I wish you wouldn't talk like that, Pete. Our families, Fred. I've always looked on Bessie as my own sister. +Our families, Fred. I've always looked on Bessie as my own sister. If there was any way out... +That gives you an idea of what I'm up against! We're up against a lot more than that with that nutty slogan you invented: 'Reform the Reds With a Rope'. +Williams ain't a Red, and you know it! Well, there's a lot of Communistic sympathizers around -- +Well, there's a lot of Communistic sympathizers around -- I know it! But they've got nothing to do with this case! Do you realize there are two hundred thousand votes at stake and unless we hang Earl Williams we're going to lose 'em? +I know it! But they've got nothing to do with this case! Do you realize there are two hundred thousand votes at stake and unless we hang Earl Williams we're going to lose 'em? But we're going to hang him, Fred. He can't get away. +The Governor gave me his word of honor he wouldn't interfere. Two days ago! And you fell for it, Pete. It frightens me what I'd like to do to you. Who else knows about this? +Pure politics! An attempt to ruin us! +Dementia praecox Oh-h-h! We got to think fast before those lying reporters get hold of this. What'll we tell 'em? +We got to think fast before those lying reporters get hold of this. What'll we tell 'em? Tell 'em the party is through in this State on account of you. +Tell 'em the party is through in this State on account of you. Ah, Fred -- Hello... this is Hartman -- +Ah, Fred -- Hello... this is Hartman -- And you can tell 'em as an afterthought that I want your resignation now! +And you can tell 'em as an afterthought that I want your resignation now! Sssh. Wait, Fred. What?... Where?... Where? Holy Moses! +Sssh. Wait, Fred. What?... Where?... Where? Holy Moses! What is it? +What is it? They got him! Wait a minute -- hold the wire. They got Earl Williams surrounded -- the Riot Squad has -- in his house. +They got him! Wait a minute -- hold the wire. They got Earl Williams surrounded -- the Riot Squad has -- in his house. Tell 'em to hold the wire. +Tell 'em to hold the wire. I did. Hold the wire. +I did. Hold the wire. Cover up that transmitter! +No -- don't out me off. How would you like to have a job for three hundred and fifty dollars a month. That's almost a hundred dollars a week! +Hold your horses -- will you, Olsen? Hurry up, Fred! Now what do you say? +We'll fix that, too. Just -- one -- second! +All right. Tell 'em to shoot to kill. What? +What? Shoot to kill, I said. +Shoot to kill, I said. I don't know, Fred. There's that reprieve if they ever find out. +I don't know, Fred. There's that reprieve if they ever find out. Nobody reprieved that policeman he murdered. Now, do as I tell you. +Nobody reprieved that policeman he murdered. Now, do as I tell you. Hello, Olsen... Listen... Shoot to kill... That's the orders pass the word along... No! We dont want him! And listen, Olsen, five- hundred bucks for the guy that does the job... Yes, I'll be right out there. Well, I hope that's the right thing to do. +Hello, Olsen... Listen... Shoot to kill... That's the orders pass the word along... No! We dont want him! And listen, Olsen, five- hundred bucks for the guy that does the job... Yes, I'll be right out there. Well, I hope that's the right thing to do. Now take that guilty look off your face, Pete -- and stop trembling like a horse. +Now take that guilty look off your face, Pete -- and stop trembling like a horse. If we didn't have election Tuesday I'd have this on my conscience. +Fine work, Pete! You certainly delivered the goods. I'm proud of you. Look kind o' natural, don't they, Fred? +Look kind o' natural, don't they, Fred? A sight for sore eyes! +A sight for sore eyes! Aiding an escaped criminal! And a little charge of kidnapping I'm looking into. But that's the jail! There must be somebody there! +Aiding an escaped criminal! And a little charge of kidnapping I'm looking into. But that's the jail! There must be somebody there! Well! Looks like about ten years apiece for you birds! +Who is this man? Throw him out, Frank. +You drunken idiot! Arrest him! The idea of coming here with a cock-and- bull story like that! It's a frame-up! Some imposter! +That's a lie!! I never saw him before! +Take those handcuffs off our friends, Pete. That wasn't at all necessary. I was just going to! +Walter, I can't tell you how badly I feel about this. There was no excuse for Hartwell to fly off the handle. I was only doing my duty. Nothing personal in it. +And so do I! So do you what, you hoodoo! And now, Mr. Pinkus, if you'll come with us, we'll take you over to the Warden's office and deliver this reprieve. +Fine, thanks, Sheriff. That's good, Earl. Oh, they've got another alienist to see you. He ought to be here any minute. Don't go to sleep, will you? +That's good, Earl. Oh, they've got another alienist to see you. He ought to be here any minute. Don't go to sleep, will you? I won't. +I won't. Hildy, how'd you like a couple of tickets for the hanging? +I hope you're pretty nearly through with me, Doctor, I'm getting a little fatigued. Yeah, you don't want to tire him out, Doctor. +Got you, Williams! Go on -- shoot me! +Let him out of here, Lieutenant. But, Hildy, I can't. He's accused of stealing a watch. And they found the watch on him. +But, Hildy, I can't. He's accused of stealing a watch. And they found the watch on him. And who accused him? Diamond Louis! One of the worst crooks in town! Why don't you arrest Louis instead of innocent people that he frames? +And who accused him? Diamond Louis! One of the worst crooks in town! Why don't you arrest Louis instead of innocent people that he frames? Now, Hildy -- +Now, Hildy -- Don't Hildy me! Are you going to let him out? +Don't Hildy me! Are you going to let him out? I can't. +I can't. All right. You can't. But tomorrow the Post will run the story of that roulette game on 43rd Street that your brother-in-law runs. And we'll print that you get five hundred a month for forgetting about it! +All right. You can't. But tomorrow the Post will run the story of that roulette game on 43rd Street that your brother-in-law runs. And we'll print that you get five hundred a month for forgetting about it! Now, Hildy, don't be hasty! I can't let him out. +Now, Hildy, don't be hasty! I can't let him out. You can let him out on bail, can't you? +You can let him out on bail, can't you? Five hundred dollars. +Five hundred dollars. You'll take fifty and like it! +You'll take fifty and like it! Well, all right. But I'm liable to get into a jam. +Oh, I ain't doing that any more. I'm retired. I'm one of you fellas now -- a newspaper man. Editorials? +Wait a minute, Walter. You can't do that! My name is Louis Peluso. +Where's the old lady? I'm telling you! +We run smack into a police patrol. You know what I mean? We broke it in half! Oh-h-h... was she hurt? +I'm telling you. Can you imagine bumping into a load of cops?! They come rollin' out like oranges! What did you do with her? +What did you do with her? Search me! When I come to I was running down Thirty-fifth Street. +Search me! When I come to I was running down Thirty-fifth Street. -- You were with her. You were in the cab, weren't you? +-- You were with her. You were in the cab, weren't you? Was I? The driver got knocked cold. +Nobody's going to rush me into anything! You keep away from me! All right, Judge. +Gentlemen of the Press! Always picking on somebody who can't defend himself -- the littler the better. Phone for you, Hildy. +Phone for you, Hildy. Who is it? +Who is it? Oh, some insurance man. Are you in? +Oh, some insurance man. Are you in? Give me that! +There goes another scrub lady. I'll go right after it. +Well, anyhow, I won't be covering stuff like this any more. What's the matter? Getting yellow? +It's getting so a girl can't step out of the room without being discussed by a bunch of old ladies. Hello, Post... Mr. Walter Burns, please. Well, Hildy, we were only saying that a swell reporter like you wouldn't give this up so easily. +Well, Hildy, we were only saying that a swell reporter like you wouldn't give this up so easily. "This is Hildy Johnson... Oh, I can give it up all right. Without a single quiver. I'm going to live like a human being -- not like you rats. Oh, is that you, Walter dear? Oh, I didn't mean ""dear."" That was just habit, I guess. Oh, be yourself, Walter. I've got some news for you... Yes, I got the interview, but I've got some news that's more important." +Hello, Mr. Burns. Yes, she's still here. I'll take it. What's the matter, Mr. Burns -- don't you understand English? -- Why, your language is shocking, Mr. Burns -- positively shocking! I don't mind because I was married to you and know what to expect, but suppose Central is listening in... Oh, did you hear that, Central? We ought to report him, don't you think?... Oh, fooey on you! +Any news? Yeah. I was never so tired in my life. +You fight it cut. And up a dime. +I don't know why you boys are so good to me. Your poker's improved a lot, Hildy. Lend me two bucks, will you? +Your poker's improved a lot, Hildy. Lend me two bucks, will you? Nothing doing. I'm playing for keeps. +Certified, eh? Who is it -- your milkman? But, Bruce, don't keep it in your wallet!... Well, you see -- -- there's an old newspaper superstition that the first big check you get you -- you put in the lining of your hat. That brings you good luck for ten years. +But, Bruce, don't keep it in your wallet!... Well, you see -- -- there's an old newspaper superstition that the first big check you get you -- you put in the lining of your hat. That brings you good luck for ten years. Say, I've been a reporter twenty years and never heard any hooey like that. Where'd you get it? +Say, I've been a reporter twenty years and never heard any hooey like that. Where'd you get it? I made it up just now, and who's asking you? I know it's silly, honey, but do it for me, won't you?... Yes, right now. +Hello, Hildy. I thought you were gone. I thought so, too. +Did you get that, Hildy? No -- what? +If Walter Burns calls, hold the wire for me, will you? I'll be right back. Okay, Hildy. Well, we can't get any official statement -- +Okay. Forget it. What's the matter with you boys? Afraid it might rain? If you want to go, I'll cover this end. +Look out, you -- What's the use of fighting, Hildy? +Have you got my dough? Oh, sure. The boss sent me over with it. Four hundred dollars, wasn't it? +Oh, sure. The boss sent me over with it. Four hundred dollars, wasn't it? Four hundred and fifty and I'll cut your throat if you try any tricks! +Four hundred and fifty and I'll cut your throat if you try any tricks! All right, all right. You can't blame a guy for tryin', can you? +All right, all right. You can't blame a guy for tryin', can you? Come on with that money! +Come on with that money! First you got to sign a receipt. +First you got to sign a receipt. Where's the money? +Where's the money? Keep your shirt on. I got it -- right here. One hundred -- two hundred -- three hundred -- four hundred -- and fifty. Now sign. +Keep your shirt on. I got it -- right here. One hundred -- two hundred -- three hundred -- four hundred -- and fifty. Now sign. Here! +Here! Thanks. So long, Hildy! +Thanks. So long, Hildy! So long, nothing! Where's Bruce Baldwin's wallet? +So long, nothing! Where's Bruce Baldwin's wallet? Huh? +Huh? None of that innocent stuff, you double-crossing hyena! You stuck Bruce Baldwin in jail this afternoon on a phony charge that he swiped your watch, and you frisked his wallet! Now, give me that wallet or I'll stick you in jail and it won't be on any phony charge either! It'll be for life! +None of that innocent stuff, you double-crossing hyena! You stuck Bruce Baldwin in jail this afternoon on a phony charge that he swiped your watch, and you frisked his wallet! Now, give me that wallet or I'll stick you in jail and it won't be on any phony charge either! It'll be for life! Now don't get excited, Hildy! I don't know what you're talking about -- but is this Mr. Baldwin's wallet? +You know it is! I didn't frisk him. He must have dropped it in Burns' office. I didn't know whose it was. +I didn't frisk him. He must have dropped it in Burns' office. I didn't know whose it was. No -- and you don't know that your cheap boss has had Mr. Baldwin arrested again -- do you? +No -- and you don't know that your cheap boss has had Mr. Baldwin arrested again -- do you? What -- already? Why, the dame left only a minute before I did! +Kings and sixes. That's good. +That's good. 'Kings and sixes The pot affixes'... Poetry. I learned that at my grandma's knee. +Any dope yet on how he got out? From all I can get the Sheriff let him out so's he could vote for him. +Hildy, I thought you were gone -- Well -- I was going, but Mollie fainted away and I thought I ought to do what I could. +Well -- I was going, but Mollie fainted away and I thought I ought to do what I could. Some Hallowe'en goin' on outside. The whole police force standing on it's ear. +Hiding him where? Mother! +Mother! Don't you mother me! Playing cat-and- mouse with my poor boy! Keeping him looked up -- making us miss two trains -- and supposed to be married tomorrow! +Don't you mother me! Playing cat-and- mouse with my poor boy! Keeping him looked up -- making us miss two trains -- and supposed to be married tomorrow! Mother, I can explain everything. I'll go with you in five minutes and -- +Mother, I can explain everything. I'll go with you in five minutes and -- You don't have to go with me at all! Just give me my son's money and you can stay here forever as far as I'm concerned. Stay with that murderer you caught! +I don't know what she's talking about. I never said any such thing. I'm quoting my son, and he has never lied to me. +Mother! That man there! +That man there! Mother! Oh, I'm so glad to see you! Are you all right? Tell me. +I couldn't plead insanity, because you see I'm just as sane as anybody else. You didn't mean to kill that policeman? +You didn't mean to kill that policeman? Of course not. I couldn't kill anybody -- it's against everything I've ever stood for. They know it was an accident. They're not hanging me for that -- they're hanging me for my beliefs. +Of course not. I couldn't kill anybody -- it's against everything I've ever stood for. They know it was an accident. They're not hanging me for that -- they're hanging me for my beliefs. What are your beliefs, Earl? +What are your beliefs, Earl? They're very simple. I believe in the Golden Rule. I'm not the first man to die for preaching it. But if they would only listen to it -- we could have a fine, decent world instead of this mass of hate that makes man do such cruel things. +They're very simple. I believe in the Golden Rule. I'm not the first man to die for preaching it. But if they would only listen to it -- we could have a fine, decent world instead of this mass of hate that makes man do such cruel things. How would you go about applying the Golden Rule, Earl? +How would you go about applying the Golden Rule, Earl? I'd do away with the profit system and have production for use only. There's enough food and clothing and shelter for everybody if we'd use some sense. +I'd do away with the profit system and have production for use only. There's enough food and clothing and shelter for everybody if we'd use some sense. """Production for use only."" Well, maybe that's the answer." +"""Production for use only."" Well, maybe that's the answer." It's the only answer. Everything has a use and if we let it be used for its purpose, we could solve all our problems. Food was meant to be eaten, not stored away in restaurants while poor people starved; clothing was meant to be worn, not piled up in stores while people went naked. Doesn't that make sense? +It's the only answer. Everything has a use and if we let it be used for its purpose, we could solve all our problems. Food was meant to be eaten, not stored away in restaurants while poor people starved; clothing was meant to be worn, not piled up in stores while people went naked. Doesn't that make sense? Yes, that makes a lot of sense, Earl. +A gun? Why -- to shoot, of course. Is that how you came to shoot the policeman? +Is that how you came to shoot the policeman? Sure. You see, I'd never had a gun in my hand before and I didn't know what to do with it. Well, when I get stuck, I know that there's an answer for everything in production for use. So it came to me in a flash: what's a gun for? To shoot! So I shot. Simple isn't it? +Sure. You see, I'd never had a gun in my hand before and I didn't know what to do with it. Well, when I get stuck, I know that there's an answer for everything in production for use. So it came to me in a flash: what's a gun for? To shoot! So I shot. Simple isn't it? Very simple, Earl. +Very simple, Earl. There's nothing crazy about that, is there? +There's nothing crazy about that, is there? No, Earl, not at all. Who sent you the flowers, Earl? +No, Earl, not at all. Who sent you the flowers, Earl? Miss Mollie Malloy. She's a wonderful person. +Miss Mollie Malloy. She's a wonderful person. Isn't that her picture? +Isn't that her picture? Yes. Isn't she beautiful? +Don't forget about production for use. I won't, Earl. +You're not going to phone anybody where I am. Put down that gun, Earl. +"You're not going to shoot me, Earl. I'm your friend, remember? I've got to write that story about your ""Production for Use""." Yes -- that's right. Production for use. +Earl, you don't want to hurt your friends, do you? Don't move! +Maybe you're my friend and maybe you're not -- but don't come any nearer. You can't trust anybody in this crazy world. Say, I'll bet I could shoot you from here. Sure you could, Earl -- but you wouldn't want to do that, would you? You wouldn't want to kill anybody. +Sure you could, Earl -- but you wouldn't want to do that, would you? You wouldn't want to kill anybody. No, no, you're right. I don't want to kill anybody. All I want to do is be let alone. +Earl, there's just one thing I ought to clear up for the interview. What's that? Only -- you're getting too near. I don't trust anybody. +What's that? Only -- you're getting too near. I don't trust anybody. I don't blame you, Earl. If I were in your place I wouldn't trust anybody, either. +I don't blame you, Earl. If I were in your place I wouldn't trust anybody, either. Keep away! +Earl, you must never do that again. Oh, I'm awful tired. I couldn't go through another day like this. +Oh, I'm awful tired. I couldn't go through another day like this. Well, maybe you think I could! +Don't talk too loud. Wakin' me up in the middle of the night -- talkin' to me about things they don't understand. Callin' me a Bolshevik. I'm an anarchist. It's got nothin' to do with bombs. It's the philosophy that guarantees every man freedom. You see that, don't you? +Wakin' me up in the middle of the night -- talkin' to me about things they don't understand. Callin' me a Bolshevik. I'm an anarchist. It's got nothin' to do with bombs. It's the philosophy that guarantees every man freedom. You see that, don't you? Sure I do, Earl. +Quiet, Mollie, quiet! Don't cry, Mollie, there's nothing to cry about. +Don't cry, Mollie, there's nothing to cry about. How'd you get here, Earl? +How'd you get here, Earl? Down the drainpipe. I didn't mean to shoot him. You believe me, don't you, Mollie? +Stop screaming, Mollie or we're sunk. I'm trying to think of something before those reporters get back. Let 'em take me. It's better that way. +What good'll it do? We'll get you out in ten minutes. +Come on, Mollie. This is no place for you. They're not human! +They're not human! They're newspaper men, Mollie. They can't help themselves. The Lord made them that way. +They're newspaper men, Mollie. They can't help themselves. The Lord made them that way. It wasn't the Lord! It was the devil! +Where are they gone? You know where they are? Wait a minute, Mollie. +They got him surrounded some place -- gonna shoot him like a dog! Mollie, they haven't got him. You gotta help me, Mollie! We've got to do something! +Mollie, they haven't got him. You gotta help me, Mollie! We've got to do something! What do you mean? +What's that? Quiet, Mollie! +Quiet, Mollie! There's somethin' funny going on around here. +They'll get him! They'll get him! Ssh! +I'm coming! Keep dead quiet. Don't even breathe. I'll be right here. I won't leave you. +What's the idea? Never mind! Just play dead. +Hey -- Shut up, you! +Are you all right, now? Yeah, I'm feelin' fine. +What do you want? I'm a messenger at the State House. This is from the Governor. +I'm a messenger at the State House. This is from the Governor. What's from the Governor? +What's from the Governor? The reprieve for Earl Williams. +They were all standing around when he wrote it. It was after they got back from fishing. Get the Governor on the phone! +Get the Governor on the phone! You can't get him on the phone. He's out duckshooting now. +You can't get him on the phone. He's out duckshooting now. Fishing! Duckshooting! How do you like that. A guy does nothing more strenuous for forty years than play pinochle -- he gets elected Governor and right away he thinks he's Tarzan! +Now, listen! You never arrived here with this -- reprieve. Get it? Yes, I did, just now. Don't you remember? +Yes, I did, just now. Don't you remember? How much do you make a week? +How much do you make a week? Huh? +Huh? How much do you make a week? What's your salary? +How much do you make a week? What's your salary? Forty dollars. +Who? Me? Who do you think! +Now, listen. There's a fine opening for a fellow like you in the City Sealer's office. The what? +The what? The City Sealer's office! +The City Sealer's office! You mean here in the city? +You mean here in the city? Yes, yes! +Why not? I couldn't work in the city. You see, I've got my family in the country. +I couldn't work in the city. You see, I've got my family in the country. But you could bring 'em in here! We'll pay all your expenses. +But you could bring 'em in here! We'll pay all your expenses. No, I don't think so. +No, I don't think so. For heaven's sake, why not? +For heaven's sake, why not? I got two kids going to school there, and if I changed them from one town to another, they'd lose a grade. +I got two kids going to school there, and if I changed them from one town to another, they'd lose a grade. No, they wouldn't -- they'd gain one! And I guarantee that they'll graduate with highest honors! +No, they wouldn't -- they'd gain one! And I guarantee that they'll graduate with highest honors! Yeah? +This puts me in a peculiar hole. No, it doesn't. Now, remember: you never delivered this. You got caught in the traffic, or something. Now, get out of here and don't let anybody see you. +No, it doesn't. Now, remember: you never delivered this. You got caught in the traffic, or something. Now, get out of here and don't let anybody see you. But how do I know...? +But how do I know...? Come in and see me in my office tomorrow. What's your name? +Come in and see me in my office tomorrow. What's your name? Pinkus. +Pinkus. All right, Mr. Pinkus, all you've got to do is lay low and keep your mouth shut. Here! Go to this address. It's a nice, homey little place, and they'll take care of you for the night. Just tell 'em Fred sent you. And here's fifty dollars on account. +You forgot to tell me what a City Sealer has to do. I'll explain it tomorrow! +I'll explain it tomorrow! Is it hard? +Is it hard? No! It's easy -- it's very easy! +Get out of here! You can't bribe me! +They wouldn't take it. You're insane! +Here's the picture of my wife. A very fine-looking women. +A very fine-looking women. She's good enough for me! And if I was to go home and tell my wife -- +She's good enough for me! And if I was to go home and tell my wife -- I understand perfectly, Mr. Pinkus, and as long as I am Mayor -- +If you ask us, no. If you ask the state alienists, the answer is yes. It's a simple story. Earl Williams works for the E.J. McClosky Manufacturing Company as a bookkeeper for fourteen years. He starts in at twenty dollars a week and gradually works his way up to twenty-two fifty. A year ago the McClosky Company goes out of business and Williams loses his job. Take it away, Fred Wilson! +Well, well -- Miss Mollie Malloy. Hello, Mollie. +Look out! Look out where you're aiming, will you? +Sure, Mollie, you never looked better in your life. Yeah, hold the line. Hey, this looks good. An old lady just called the detective bureau and claims Williams is hiding in her cellar. Well - we've looked every other place. Want to go out on it? +Get the cops, somebody. Come on, fellas. +There she is! Say, Hildy... +What's your hurry? We want to see you. +Williams put up a desperate struggle but the police overpowered -- -- tried to shoot it out with the cops but his gun wouldn't work, so -- +Well -- Williams goes a little balmy and begins making speeches on a plan he's got to save the world. Only he makes his speeches, usually, on a very busy street and neglects to get a license for it. Well, the cops let him alone as much as they can because he's harmless and they're kinda sorry for him. But one day he decides to hold a meeting right in the middle of a Veteran's Parade and the cops chase him. He gets scared and goes into hiding. Come in, Dave Schwartz. His Honor, the Mayor, now comes out with a statement that Earl Williams is a dangerous character in the employ of two or three foreign governments and the police are going to get him dead or alive. Somebody sends out a tip that this guy is hiding in Molly Malloy's joint. And this colored policeman, Daniels, goes over to pick Williams up. Williams has read the papers, thinks the cop is going to kill him and shoots first. That is all. +Baldwin -- his name is. I give that marriage six months. +Who? Hildy Johnson? She just stepped out. She'll be back in a second. Who? Oh, Mr. Baldwin. Well, if you'll hang on a minute, she ought to be right in. All right. Baldwin. The blushing bridegroom -- himself. +Baldwin. The blushing bridegroom -- himself. What's he want? +What's he want? Wants Hildy -- and sounds very excited. +The door was locked. She and Mollie were talking. +What's that? Henry Chapman's daughter. It was Sheila. I remember her from last year. +Henry Chapman's daughter. It was Sheila. I remember her from last year. So it was. Sheila. This boy will go far. +Can I try? Put your hand on mine, get the knack of it. +Never let a rat creep up on you. I think you hit him, Grandpa. He was limping when he ran off. +That was a googly! I know. +I know. You're a dark horse, bowling googlies at your age. Toss me up another. +You're a dark horse, bowling googlies at your age. Toss me up another. No, you're out, Grandpa. It's my turn. +Want to know why they're called Faith, Hope, Grace and Charity? Why? +Why? Your grandmother. She named them after virtues I lack. That's marriage for you. +This is going too far, young man. But Grandpa, you said... +But Grandpa, you said... I concede I was insistent, but how the Devil... +Give him the you-know-what. Very well, Grandpa. +You miserable little tripe-hound. I'm the one who should be fed up, sacrificing my last sup of black market petrol to take you to school. I have to live in Rosehill Avenue as well. +I have to live in Rosehill Avenue as well. Only till they get you into the local school. +Only till they get you into the local school. With Mrs. Evans. I hate her. +With Mrs. Evans. I hate her. You'll be at home for the weekends. Now shut up, or walk. +It's true. You're much more convincing when you're making it up. +Grandpa, if you think of something hard enough, can you make it happen? Apparently so. +Pauline's mum got killed. No, she didn't. +No, she didn't. Yes, she did, didn't she? +What are you doing here? This is our territory Looking for shrapnel. +I never was. Yes, you was. Make him talk. +I know a secret. What's that? +What's that? The Germans are dropping men on bomb sites. +The Germans are dropping men on bomb sites. Who told you that? +"My uncle's in the War Office. He said, Don't go on the bomb sites. ""Boys are going missing all the time.""" They're not. +You want to join our gang? I don't mind. +I don't mind. Do you know any swear words? +Do you know any swear words? Yes. +Yes. Say them. +Well go on then. You can't join if you can't answer. I only know one. +That word is special. That word is only for something really important. Now, repeat after me... Bugger off. Bugger off. +Bugger off. Sod. +Sod. Sod. +Sod. Bloody. +Bloody. Bloody. +Bloody. Now put them together. Bugger off, you bloody sod. +Now put them together. Bugger off, you bloody sod. Bugger off, you bloody sod. +Bugger off, you bloody sod. OK. You're in. +They pulled them up from all the crossroads, so when the Germans land they'll lose their way. Won't they have maps? +Won't they have maps? They'll have to go to a shop to buy a map, stupid. Then they'll give zemselves avay viz ze vay zay tork. +He's never going to come back. He's gone off to be a soldier and Mummy doesn't even know. It doesn't matter, I can drive the car home. +It doesn't matter, I can drive the car home. You wouldn't. +You wouldn't. Would. +Would. You couldn't. +You couldn't. Could. +Go and ask her if she wants to play. Ask her yourself. +Ask her yourself. You do it. You're a girl. +Tell them about Pauline's mum. Not now. They wouldn't believe me. +Bruce, look! Dad got some German jam. We thought it was poison. +I suppose they're still learning, that's why they keep moving about. It's easy. I've done it. +It's easy. I've done it. Who with? +Who with? Pauline. +Pauline. Liar. Mummy keep still and Daddy moves on top of her. That's what they do when they know how. +I did see them. I did. He's the worst liar. +You're the biggest fibber. It's dinner time. It really is. Cross my heart. +The next one is ours. Either it hits us or it goes past us. ...and four and five... +...and four and five... Please God. Not on us. Drop it on Mrs. Evans. She's a cow. +Please God. Not on us. Drop it on Mrs. Evans. She's a cow. ...and six... +Can't we just see the end? They've got the real thing outside. +They've got the real thing outside. It's not the same. +Mind that shrapnel DAWN thrusts a brass regimental hat badge in BILL'S face. I'm starting my own collection. +I'm starting my own collection. It's Canadian. Where'd you get it? +Well, I'm not having any. Even if it's not poisoned. I don't think it's right. It's not patriotic. You don't like jam. You hate jam. You never eat jam. +You don't like jam. You hate jam. You never eat jam. That's not the point. +You did that for me, and on the last day of your holidays? Well, for the baby, really. +Well, for the baby, really. Thank you Billy, from the baby and me. +Crocodiles! Aah! The sodding water table. +But Dad, It's the News. Thanks, son. I can hear it. I'm not sleeping, just closing my eyes. +Now, the googly looks like a leg break, but it's really an off break. Got it? Like this. It's like telling fibs. +It's like telling fibs. That's it. When you tell a lie, you hope to get away with it. When someone else does, you want to find them out. A good batsman will spot a googly. A good bowler will hide it. Always remember that, son. +You said that last year, Dad. The land and the King are one, my son. If he stutters we falter. He's getting batter, and so are we. +What's that? Big Berthas, shelling France. Twenty-five-mile range, they have. +Big Berthas, shelling France. Twenty-five-mile range, they have. Wow! +Wow! They send over a few every day, to let them know we're still here. Each shell costs as much as a Ford 8. +They send over a few every day, to let them know we're still here. Each shell costs as much as a Ford 8. Who pays for them? +Who pays for them? We will, you will, for the rest of our lives? +It was great for me, how was it for you. A bit too quick. +A bit too quick. Well. Now we can do it slow. Are those some kind of stockings you're wearing? +Well. Now we can do it slow. Are those some kind of stockings you're wearing? They might be. +They might be. I mean, no suspenders. They just kinda' disappear up your ass. +Take it away. I know your husband's been away a long time, but.... Don't be so cheeky, Bruce. +Boy, that was some air-raid. Air-raid? +Air-raid? Didn't you feel the house rock? You must have seen all those shell bursts. +What is it? We're not supposed to say, but we're being shipped out tomorrow. +We're not supposed to say, but we're being shipped out tomorrow. Where? +Where? I don't know? +I don't know? You do, you do. You're just not saying. +You do, you do. You're just not saying. I swear I don't know. Here's your Christmas present. +You expect me to spend the rest of the war sitting at home staring at a ring? And you'll meet some French girl who can speak your own language. No thank you! Please yourself. +Could you seal it over with hot pitch, Clive? Caulk it like the hull of a ship. Thanks. I hope you can come for the launching. +...It was a toss-up. His company went to India, mine went to France. Flip of a coin. ...two Indians to fan me all night. The heat. +...two Indians to fan me all night. The heat. ....buried In a shell-hole for thee days, while he's out there playing polo and sticking pigs. +And Jim. What's left of him. He'll never see outside of the Star and Garter. +Root it out Clive... the thought of it, before it takes hold. Weeds will grow, Mac. +Weeds will grow, Mac. Consider Grace, the kids. I love them like my own. And you. +Consider Grace, the kids. I love them like my own. And you. Kiss me Hardy. +You're a mug, Clive. We did our bit in the Last Lot. If King and Country call, Mac, you go as soon as I will. +What did we know? We were seventeen. I heard the drum and fife yesterday, Mac, marching past. Made my hair stand on end. I thought, I've been asleep for twenty years. +What kind of war is this Mac? Up there in Cumberland, we never see an air-raid. The worst problem I have is getting a new typewriter ribbon. When I rode in against the Turks, I knew what it was about. Did you? You thought you did. We've been gypsed, all our lives. Look at your street. +What about it? Rosehill Avenue. No roses. No hill. And it's certainly not an avenue. +Rosehill Avenue. No roses. No hill. And it's certainly not an avenue. Why not? +Why not? You need trees for an avenue. +You need trees for an avenue. There was talk of planting some when we first came. +There was talk of planting some when we first came. Propaganda. We've been had. +How's your war, Mac? Never done better. On the fiddle. Like everyone else. +Never done better. On the fiddle. Like everyone else. Except the servicemen. +Except the servicemen. Naturally. +Naturally. I don't understand. Is there any point to it? +I don't understand. Is there any point to it? There is all right. This Hitter fellow. We've got to winkle him out. And get shot of some of our lot at the same time. +You always were, Clive. Steady the Buffs. Bugger the Buffs. +Don't panic! Keep your head! I will if you will! +So you're going to be a grandfather. And I'm still just a lad myself. +And I'm still just a lad myself. Don't bother to grow up. It's no fun at all. +Here's to music. And absent friends. And absent bridegrooms! +And absent bridegrooms! And the bride. +No Turks. We didn't know that. It was a suicide mission. Machetes against artillery. Volunteers only. +We didn't know that. It was a suicide mission. Machetes against artillery. Volunteers only. They'd gone. +We all had to write a last letter home. And it was the last. Hasn't written a letter since. Not even a birthday card. +Has Sue got it right? What's that? +What's that? You joined up. +You joined up. Oh, that. +Oh, that. I wish you could have told me yourself. Oh, Grace, it's not for long. They say it'll be over by Christmas. +And what's that? Jam. +We don't know anything about it Well, it's off ration. We know that. +Well, it's off ration. We know that. How do we know they didn't plant it there? They know we're mad on jam. They could poison half the country. +Well? It looks....foreign. +It looks....foreign. Jam is jam! It's just jam! +Taste it. Why don't you taste it? You taste it. +You mean they let you go through the officer training course and then said you were too old for a commission? That's it. +That's it. Why didn't they say that before you started? +Why didn't they say that before you started? I wasn't too old when I started the course. I was too old when it finished. +I wasn't too old when I started the course. I was too old when it finished. What are you going to be then? +What are you going to be then? A clerk. I'm doing a typing course. I'll be typing for England. +When do you think you'll get leave again? Not till Christmas, I don't suppose. +I'm glad you didn't send them to your aunt. I've had a letter from her. They've moved house. +I've had a letter from her. They've moved house. Where to? +I've found a bungalow to rent up the towpath, Clive. I never want to leave the river again. The children have had such a wonderful summer. Fair enough. The river. +I doubt if a few bombs would wake up Dawn on a Sunday morning. This phoney war get's on my nerves. If we're going to have a war, I wish they'd get it started. +This phoney war get's on my nerves. If we're going to have a war, I wish they'd get it started. Just ignore her, Mac. +You know it? It must be an old one. Ancient. Have you finished your homework? +Ancient. Have you finished your homework? After this dance. +He always knows. Half the time he's bluffing. +What would we do if a German came into the house? Don't be silly, Dawn. +Don't be silly, Dawn. Well, why do you always bring the carving knife in here? +Tell me the truth. You had to get married, didn't you? Because of me. The ideas you get in your head. +The ideas you get in your head. That's why you never liked me. I'm different from you. Well, everything's different now, so it doesn't matter. So there. +I won't have this vulgar talk in my house. It's only a joke, Mummy. I'm fifteen. I'm still at school. I want to be a nun when I grow up. +And where do you think you're going? Out. +Out. You go to bed this minute and take off that lipstick. +You go to bed this minute and take off that lipstick. No, I won't. +I want him. I want him so much. I'll kill myself if I can't have him. There, there, my baby. +You better bring him home, if you really love him. Don't kill love. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. Who said anything about love? +What is it, pet? He's being posted. I was terrible to him. +He's being posted. I was terrible to him. Don't leave it like that. Go after him. Swallow your pride. +What did he say? He said I was right. I shouldn't wait for him. I was better to make a clean break. +He said I was right. I shouldn't wait for him. I was better to make a clean break. I think it's very sensible in the circumstances. +I think it's very sensible in the circumstances. Now he's gone and made me fall in love with him, which I never wanted to do. I told him that. +I don't believe this is happening to me. It's not. It's happening to me. +It looks a bit fishy to me. Could we salt them, or smoke them, do you think? +Now take deep breaths, and push. Why? It's coming on its own. It doesn't hurt. +Is it peace in out time? No, Mother! It's War! War! +No, Mother! It's War! War! Or what? +Did they say how long it would take to get new ration books, Grace? Up to six weeks, I think. +Up to six weeks, I think. How are we going to cope? +...such nice boys with straw boaters and blazers. All the punts lit up with Chinese lanterns. Like fireflies. And the gramophone going on one of the boats. Always the Charleston, the Charleston, the Charleston. Oh, you girls. Wasn't it lovely? +It was the best time of his life. How many of our class left? You and me out of twenty-eight. +I can't do it. What's the point? It's just the wrench, Grace. It's for their sake. +Please yourself. Let them go, if they want. Grace! +It seems to have survived. Play something, Grace. +Mac, that was wonderful. I haven't been to a concert since... ...since I used to take you to the Proms? +...since I used to take you to the Proms? That's right. Not since then Not since I got married. +Remember this beach, Mac? All those summers. Out two families, together. Happy days. When you're bigger, Bill, I'll teach you the googly. +Mac, did you ever find out who Molly went off with? A Polish pilot. It's like one of those jokes on the wireless. +She said, 'I know you love me, Mac, but you've never loved me enough.' Not loving enough. That is a terrible thing to do to someone. I suppose I did it to Clive. Always held something back. +It's all better left unsaid, Grace. You were never apart, you and Clive. He kept asking and asking. And I waited and waited for you to say something. And you never did. +You were never apart, you and Clive. He kept asking and asking. And I waited and waited for you to say something. And you never did. Clive had a job. I didn't. I couldn't. +He could always make me laugh. We did the decent thing. +We did the decent thing. This war's put an end to decent things. I want to close my eyes and jump and give myself for once, hold nothing back. +This war's put an end to decent things. I want to close my eyes and jump and give myself for once, hold nothing back. We can't change what's past. Not even the war can do that. +We can't change what's past. Not even the war can do that. We did all the proper things, and we lost love. That's sad, Mac. +Bless you, Mac. What would I have done without you? You might still have a house. +You might still have a house. I wish it could all have been different. +I wish it could all have been different. Look after yourself, Grace. +To Mary McDonald, Thelma Richardson, Bobo Hinds, Lily Sanderson... ...Little Sarah Whats-it, now there was a spirit. And Marjorie Anderson. Father, that's enough now +Father, that's enough now And...and...Henry Chapman's girl, was it Thelma? No, I can see those cornflower eyes...I've lost your name, my sweetness. +What did I do to deserve this? You married that fool, Clive, that's what. Never mind, you can stay with us. +You married that fool, Clive, that's what. Never mind, you can stay with us. How long? +What can you do with four daughters, I asked myself, A string quartet was all I could come up with. They hated me for making them learn. And now we're glad you did. +It's not fair on them. It's selfish to keep them with you. My aunt in Australia has offered.. +It's so far way. I couldn't bear it. Kids don't care. You're thinking of yourself. +I didn't mean it like that, Grace. Why does it always come out wrong? I know you mean well. +God, how I hate all this scrimping and squalor. I don't mind it. It was harder before the war. Trying to keep up appearances. Now it's patriotic to be poor. +I don't know how you cope, Grace. Three kids, army pay. On your own. You know something, Molly? I like it on my own. I never got used to sharing a bed, not really. +Molly! Well! I'm not talking about Mac. He hasn't toughed me for ages. And not often ever. My life started when Mac went on nights. +You're having me on, Molly. Am I? Maybe I am. +Am I? Maybe I am. You've been drinking. Your tipsy. +You've been drinking. Your tipsy. Tipsy, topsy, turvy. +I'm so glad you could come. Here we are, all together again. Happy as can be. In the old groove. +Whoa, thanks for stopping. I been standing out there in that toad strangling rain for like a hundred million years. Really, that's a long time. +Really, that's a long time. Yeah, most people just whiz on by like I was invisible or something... or else they're creeps who wanna jam their slimy hands down my pants and twiddle my naughty-naughty. +Yeah, most people just whiz on by like I was invisible or something... or else they're creeps who wanna jam their slimy hands down my pants and twiddle my naughty-naughty. Yikes. +Yikes. Yeah, icky. This one guy stops and I look in and he's got his thing out waving it around like a drunk monkey. +Yeah, I know where that is, it's right by my house. It's Dr. Satan's tree. I can show ya. Really, wow, so it's really a real thing. +Really, wow, so it's really a real thing. Yeah, it's a tree. I used to play there all the time. But, you can't find it without me. Outsider can't find no deadwood. +Yeah, it's a tree. I used to play there all the time. But, you can't find it without me. Outsider can't find no deadwood. Deadwood, is that what it's called? Cool, will you show us? +Deadwood, is that what it's called? Cool, will you show us? Maybe, maybe, maybe... hey, you know what word I hate? +Maybe, maybe, maybe... hey, you know what word I hate? What? +What? Cone. +Cone. Huh... what cone? +Huh... what cone? Any cone, yeah... I hate that word... sounds ugly, I don't like crumple either. +Any cone, yeah... I hate that word... sounds ugly, I don't like crumple either. I always hate saying the word cheese, every time you get your picture taken... smile, say cheese. +I always hate saying the word cheese, every time you get your picture taken... smile, say cheese. I know I hate Swiss cheese, the holes make me nervous. +Oh, I know. I'll show you where it's at, sweetie. Aren't you just so cute all bundled up like a cinnamon roll of Christmas love. Cool. +The lions were totally covered in this guy's blood... I think they ate his face off, tore open his rib cage, pulled his legs off... it was a wild scene. Things like that get a lot bloodier than ya think. +I agree. Yeah, it won't take long and besides you sassy poodle girls will slow us down. +Please don't kill us, please don't kill us. Please don't kill us, please don't kill us. +Tiny's home. What about R.J.? +What about R.J.? Oh, he was already gone before I seen him... but Tiny saw him and said he said he was going out to the yard to get a new wheel. +Ma, Tiny's in. Go tell him to get your Grandpa. +I'll cut your fucking tits off and shove 'em down your throat. Baby! Stop! +Come on, ma... this bitch's got it coming. No, I told you... +Drink up, it's party time. Enjoy your last night... ...where's Otis? +Enjoy your last night... ...where's Otis? Oh, he's coming, he got something real special this year. +Who's your Daddy! Who's your Daddy! +Take his gag out, it's more fun with the screaming. Yeah, I like the screaming too... it's so much more exciting. +Aw, I was going home to my Mamma's house... yeah, I was out doing this thing. Where's that? +Where's that? Couple more miles up this road. +What about the tree? Oh yeah, the tree. +Which way? Go straight up about another mile... til we hit Cherrypicker Road and turn right... it ain't far from there. +I guess I'll try to back it out on the rim... at least to the main road. If you keep going straight you can get back on the interstate... it's easier. +OK, whatever. Let's go get your brother's truck. Faster we get the truck, faster we get out of here. OK. +Don't worry, I'll be right back. Come on. +How much further? Almost there... are you in a hurry or something? +Almost there... are you in a hurry or something? Well, yeah, kind of. +The door's locked. I'll gotta go around... wait here. OK. +Christ, you scared the shit out of me. Aw, you ain't seen nothing yet. +Aw, you ain't seen nothing yet. Is your brother ready to go? +Is your brother ready to go? Oh... yeah, he already left. We'll wait inside, come on. +Oh... yeah, he already left. We'll wait inside, come on. He left! +He left! Yeah, come on. +So, you live here alone... I mean with just your brother? No. There's a bunch a us 'round somewhere... I think Mamma's sleepin'. She sleeps a lot, now... do you want marshmallows? +No. There's a bunch a us 'round somewhere... I think Mamma's sleepin'. She sleeps a lot, now... do you want marshmallows? Um, yeah sure, I guess. +Um, yeah sure, I guess. You sure do a lot of guessing. +Thank you. You're welcome. +Hey, um... ...what kind of animal is that? A dead one. +A dead one. Mmmmm, this is tasty. +Mmmmm, this is tasty. Ain't the only thing tasty in this house. +Ain't the only thing tasty in this house. I wonder what time it is. Seems kind of late. +I wonder what time it is. Seems kind of late. Don't worry, sugar. It ain't past my bedtime... are you flirting with me? +Don't worry, sugar. It ain't past my bedtime... are you flirting with me? What? No, I'm was worried that... I was just wondering what's taking so long. +What? No, I'm was worried that... I was just wondering what's taking so long. Oh. Maybe R.J. got into a crash and killed everbody? +Oh. Maybe R.J. got into a crash and killed everbody? That's not something to joke about. +That's not something to joke about. OK, sorry... maybe the Great Pumpkin ate 'em up. +Hey, great they're back. Whoopie fucking doo. +No! He's one of God's creatures, he can't help it if he's dumb... I'm just crazy about animals. The animals have got nothing to do with it. +I'd like to see that. Nice. +Can I help you with something? I was just wondering. +I was just wondering. Wondering what? +Wondering what? Are you two gals all funny with each other? +Are you two gals all funny with each other? What? +What? You know... a couple of queers. +You know... a couple of queers. Do you believe this fucking girl? +Do you believe this fucking girl? I was just wondering, cause you got a pissy look about you... like a real pussy licking bitch. +What the hell are you laughing about? I just pictured the tire sitting in a chair watching TV. +I just pictured the tire sitting in a chair watching TV. Oh, wonderful. Fucking psycho. +He walks, duh. Fucking great. +Take that, you fucking slut! Fucking redneck whore! You shouldn't a done that. +You shouldn't a done that. Why? You gonna do something about it? +Why? You gonna do something about it? Yeah, I'll do something. +You all having a Halloween party tonight? Now, what makes you think that? +Now, what makes you think that? You all sure are buying a lot of holy water for two people. +You all sure are buying a lot of holy water for two people. Yeah, well we like to get fucked up and do fucked up shit, you know what I mean? +Yeah, well we like to get fucked up and do fucked up shit, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah... ...I like to fuck shit up. +Yeah, yeah... ...I like to fuck shit up. I'll bet you do... how much we owe ya... ...Goober? +I'll bet you do... how much we owe ya... ...Goober? Actually it's G. Ober... Gerry Ober, but the guys drew in the other O, fucking assholes. +Actually it's G. Ober... Gerry Ober, but the guys drew in the other O, fucking assholes. Great story Goober, how much? +Great story Goober, how much? Ummmm... two hundred and eighty-five dollars. +Keep the change and get yourself a new name. Holy crap, thanks! +Come on, bro. Let's go. Hey, wait take this. +What's this? A missing girl. I use'ta go to school with her, she just up and disappeared some day... real weird. +How long have you been running this place? How long is a piece of string? Too God damn long, that's how long. +No, really. Shit, I don't remember exactly. I took over for my Pa just after the Duke nabbed the Oscar. +Shit, I don't remember exactly. I took over for my Pa just after the Duke nabbed the Oscar. The Duke? +The Duke? Yeah, my Pa wasn't right in the head after that. +Yeah, my Pa wasn't right in the head after that. You mean John Wayne? +You mean John Wayne? Hell, boy there some other Duke you know about? A great American. +Hell, boy there some other Duke you know about? A great American. Yeah, I was never that big of a western fan. I like science fiction. +Yeah, I was never that big of a western fan. I like science fiction. I figured that much. Why the fuck you asking so many jackass questions for? +I figured that much. Why the fuck you asking so many jackass questions for? You see me and my friends are writing a book on offbeat roadside attractions. You know all the crazy shit you see when you drive cross country. +You see me and my friends are writing a book on offbeat roadside attractions. You know all the crazy shit you see when you drive cross country. I don't drive cross country. +I don't drive cross country. But if you did. +But if you did. I don't. +I don't. But suppose for a second you did. +But suppose for a second you did. Y'all find us country people real funny like don't ya... well, God damn pack up the mule and sling me some grits, I'ze a gotta get me some schooling. +Y'all find us country people real funny like don't ya... well, God damn pack up the mule and sling me some grits, I'ze a gotta get me some schooling. No, no I think it's really interesting. +No, no I think it's really interesting. Well fuck me Side Sally, who want to read about all that horse shit anyway. +Really? Huh, I thought for sure you'd say Lynette Fromme. She's got that snooty vibe I know you dig. Sqeaky! No way, she ain't that hot. +Sqeaky! No way, she ain't that hot. She's pretty cute. +She's pretty cute. Yeah but, she reminds me of this chick that I remember from fourth grade... called a... shit, what did we call her? Oh yeah, Patty Pee-pee Pants... when ever she got called on by Miss Chumski, this chick would piss in her pants and start bawling. +Yeah but, she reminds me of this chick that I remember from fourth grade... called a... shit, what did we call her? Oh yeah, Patty Pee-pee Pants... when ever she got called on by Miss Chumski, this chick would piss in her pants and start bawling. There always one kid with no bodily controls. We had this dude, Jeff Baxter, he was a puker. The fucker would just sit there puke all over himself. +There always one kid with no bodily controls. We had this dude, Jeff Baxter, he was a puker. The fucker would just sit there puke all over himself. Better than pissing... anyway so, what's your choice? +Better than pissing... anyway so, what's your choice? If we're talking cute... like regular cute, I'd say Leslie Van Houton, but cute ain't hot. +If we're talking cute... like regular cute, I'd say Leslie Van Houton, but cute ain't hot. Yeah, no shit. +Yeah, no shit. As far a hot... goes I gotta go with... Ruth Ann Moorehouse. +As far a hot... goes I gotta go with... Ruth Ann Moorehouse. Oh yeah, I forgot about her. She was pretty hot. +Oh yeah, I forgot about her. She was pretty hot. Fuck yeah, she is. I'd join a cult to get some of that... and the best part is she didn't try to kill the President or nothing, so that baggage ain't hanging around. +Fuck yeah, she is. I'd join a cult to get some of that... and the best part is she didn't try to kill the President or nothing, so that baggage ain't hanging around. I thought she tried to murder a witness for the prosecution. +I thought she tried to murder a witness for the prosecution. I'll let it slide, she was only seventeen. +I'll let it slide, she was only seventeen. Dude, talk about baggage, that ain't no carry-on shit, that's some heavy duty Samsonite shit. +Dude, talk about baggage, that ain't no carry-on shit, that's some heavy duty Samsonite shit. Yeah, I guess... hot chicks are always nuts. +Yeah, I guess... hot chicks are always nuts. Hot has got nothing to do with it. +Hold on, I've heard this before... but I can't remember the end. "So, the guy goes to Hell and the devil says, ""do you smoke?"" The guy say, ""yeah""... the devil say, ""great cause Tuesday is cigar night, sweetest Cuban cigars you ever had.""" +"So, the guy goes to Hell and the devil says, ""do you smoke?"" The guy say, ""yeah""... the devil say, ""great cause Tuesday is cigar night, sweetest Cuban cigars you ever had.""" Shit, we really need to find some gas. +Shit, we really need to find some gas. "Then the devil asks, ""do you drink?"" Guy says, ""yeah""... devil say, ""wonderful, Wednesday is free drinks night, best booze you ever had... all made from the finest stuff.""" +"Then the devil asks, ""do you drink?"" Guy says, ""yeah""... devil say, ""wonderful, Wednesday is free drinks night, best booze you ever had... all made from the finest stuff.""" Yeah. +Yeah. "Then the devil says, ""are you gay?"" Guy says, ""fuck no""... Devil says, ""Well then, I guess you're gonna hate Thursdays.""" +"Then the devil says, ""are you gay?"" Guy says, ""fuck no""... Devil says, ""Well then, I guess you're gonna hate Thursdays.""" Oh yeah, I remember now. +Oh yeah, I remember now. "Yeah, no shit I just told ya. Hey, you think this place called Alien Ed's UFO Welcoming Center is still around? It says, ""Where the Fact is separated from the Fantasy.""" +"Yeah, no shit I just told ya. Hey, you think this place called Alien Ed's UFO Welcoming Center is still around? It says, ""Where the Fact is separated from the Fantasy.""" I dunno... we'll ask around as we get closer. Man, I really don't want to run out of gas out here in the middle of Petticoat Junction, man. +I dunno... we'll ask around as we get closer. Man, I really don't want to run out of gas out here in the middle of Petticoat Junction, man. Don't panic yourself, way too much caffeine guy... I see a sign. Captain Spaulding's Museum of Madmen and Monsters... cool. Also... fried chicken and... gasoline... next exit. +Don't panic yourself, way too much caffeine guy... I see a sign. Captain Spaulding's Museum of Madmen and Monsters... cool. Also... fried chicken and... gasoline... next exit. Perfect. +Perfect. I hope this place is cool. We could use something interesting to liven up chapter 12. +I'll pump the gas. Go inside and see if it's worth thinking about. OK, Boss. +Holy crap. You gotta see this place. It's awesome. How awesome? +How awesome? Really fucking awesome. +Really fucking awesome. Wake up the chicks and bust out the camera awesome? +Wake up the chicks and bust out the camera awesome? Hell yeah. +Keep straight on this road here. How much further? +How much further? I'm not exactly sure... it looks close. Did we pass an abandoned school bus yet? +I'm not exactly sure... it looks close. Did we pass an abandoned school bus yet? I don't know. +Come on, we need something like this. It could be the real deal. It's too far out of the way to come back to. What's that? +It's a hitchhiker. Way out here? +She looks like she stinks. Cat fight, cat fight. +That reminds me of a film I saw once of a guy who got out of his car at Lion Country Safari to take a picture of a lion cub and got eaten by the lions. Oh yeah, I heard about that. I always thought it was bullshit. +Oh yeah, I heard about that. I always thought it was bullshit. No... yeah, they ripped him to pieces while his family watched from the car. The wife is screaming, the kids are crying. Some dude in another car filmed the whole thing. +What was that? Fuck. I think we blew a tire. +OK, let's relax. I'll check it, maybe I'm wrong. Don't everybody freak out just yet. I'll help ya. +I'll help ya. Gee, ya think it wouldn't be too much trouble. +I hope you fixed the spare like I asked ya. Yeah, I fixed it. Well, I ain't... um, I can't remember. I think I took it out to fit the bags and forgot to put it back. +Yeah, I fixed it. Well, I ain't... um, I can't remember. I think I took it out to fit the bags and forgot to put it back. Jesus Christ, Jerry. +Jesus Christ, Jerry. Well, technically I did what ya said. +Well, technically I did what ya said. You're a real fucking piece of work. +Tire's fucking gone crap on us, man. There's no saving it now. And the spare is safely sitting in Jerry's garage. +Don't forget the flashlight, it's pretty dark out there. Thanks. +Thanks. No problem. +Oh, don't worry she didn't get offended by what I said. You two got to lighten up... right, Bill? Whatever, at this point all I care about is food. I'm starving and I got a fucking killer headache. +Whatever, at this point all I care about is food. I'm starving and I got a fucking killer headache. Hey, I asked you if you wanted some chicken. +Hey, I asked you if you wanted some chicken. Didn't look like chicken to me, more like fried pussy cat. +Didn't look like chicken to me, more like fried pussy cat. Tasted pretty good. +I can't believe what I'm seeing. I know, this is fucking nuts. +Almost there. Jesus, you think she was really gonna cut you? +I like sleep. Here he comes. +Honk at him. Scare him. He won't move. +Fuck! We are fucked! Turn that fucking radio off! +Yeah, maybe R.J. could just tow us and our car to the nearest garage. I mean obviously we will compensate you for your troubles. +What's he so excited about? Yeah, showtime for what? +Just grin and bear it. That food... ugh, I feel like I'm gonna puke. +Shit, I'm all for being a sport, but this is ridiculous. Man, it's already ten thirty. +Yeah, I'd say at this point all we can do is just wait it out. There's nothing else. I suppose. I mean they're obviously all bonkers, but I guess they're harmless. +Don't look back, just get in the car. Lock the fucking doors. +We'll need pictures of the inside too. Alright, alright. I know... I wanted to be the photographer. +Well, don't even think about playing the good samaritan, there's way too many psychos wandering loose these days. It's a girl. +Should we stop? We can't leave her out here in the rain... maybe we can just drop her at the next rest area. +We can't leave her out here in the rain... maybe we can just drop her at the next rest area. She looks like a freak. +Sounds like a magical trip through the heartland. Where ya headed? +Why are we stopping? There's a dog in the road. +Go around him. There's not enough room. +There's not enough room. Then run him over, he'll move. +Hey, he moved. Let's get going before that thing tries to eat the car or something. +Well, I got some bad news and some bad news. What? +Fine. I'll go straight. What! +What! Fine! I'll go straight! +Forget it. I'll just go. Screw that, no way, I ain't letting you go by yourself. +Screw that, no way, I ain't letting you go by yourself. Don't worry, I'll be quick. Just stay here, no sense everybody getting drenched. +I hope to Christ she doesn't expect us to wear these things. Whatever it is just do it. The more we play along the faster we'll get the hell out of here. +Check this out. Well, ya can't complain I never take you anyplace. +This is starting to make me real uncomfortable. Just sit back and enjoy the show. +How much is a person supposed to stand? Quiet. +Quiet. Oh, I'm sorry, bothering you? Was I disturbing your viewing pleasure? +What are you doing! I gotta open the gate. +I gotta open the gate. Drive through it! +Drive through it! It won't work. +Officers, officers what can I do for you today? I ain't fried up the birds yet... if that's what you're ring a ding dinging about. What I need are some answers. +What I need are some answers. Well, I'll try but I don't know nothing 'bout nobody. I'm a guy who likes to mind his own business, if ya get what I'm saying. +Well, I'll try but I don't know nothing 'bout nobody. I'm a guy who likes to mind his own business, if ya get what I'm saying. You seen this girl? Say... within the last 24 hours. +Come on, get with the facts. Hmmmmmmmmm? +Hmmmmmmmmm? What'd you see, who was she with, where were they going? +What'd you see, who was she with, where were they going? Aw, she was with some nosey, smartass high-rise kids. They were poking around... asking stupid questions. +And... And I gave 'em directions out there, up by the old farm row... I figured what's the harm. Stupid kids probably going out to piss up a rope and got themselves turned around backasswards and got lost as shit. +And I gave 'em directions out there, up by the old farm row... I figured what's the harm. Stupid kids probably going out to piss up a rope and got themselves turned around backasswards and got lost as shit. Is that all... think real hard. +Is that all... think real hard. Yeah, they weren't here but a few minutes, didn't really have time to get as up close and personal as I do with most of the assholes that wander through here. +Yeah, they weren't here but a few minutes, didn't really have time to get as up close and personal as I do with most of the assholes that wander through here. How's about you give me those same directions. +How's about you give me those same directions. Yeah, yeah, sure. You don't have to get all True Grit all over my ass... I'll give'm to ya... you can knock yourself silly for all I care. +Yeah, yeah, sure. You don't have to get all True Grit all over my ass... I'll give'm to ya... you can knock yourself silly for all I care. Enough talk, write. +I... I got back a stack today. Some nice shots. See, a good topless June Wilkinson... unfortunately she personalized it... to Stucky, love June. Hmmmmm. +Hmmmmm. Shit, this ain't worth nothing now that my name gotten all over it. I was a fixin' on trading it to Jackie Cobb. +Shit, this ain't worth nothing now that my name gotten all over it. I was a fixin' on trading it to Jackie Cobb. The retard over at Molly's fruit stand. +The retard over at Molly's fruit stand. Yeah, he's all hot on her after he found some of his dad's old nudie books hidden in the basement. He keeps 'em taped inside his school workbook. +Fascinating. That kid is one horny retard. +That kid is one horny retard. Christ, ain't they all. All them retards wanna do is fuck and eat. +Christ, ain't they all. All them retards wanna do is fuck and eat. Well, yeah... I think that if you knew him... I mean if you'd understand his urges, shit the guy's like forty or something. +Well, yeah... I think that if you knew him... I mean if you'd understand his urges, shit the guy's like forty or something. Worse than a fucking rabid baboon. +Worse than a fucking rabid baboon. Yeah, I guess, you know next to wacking his weasel his other favorite thing is twisting sharpened pencils in the corner of his eyes. +Yeah, I guess, you know next to wacking his weasel his other favorite thing is twisting sharpened pencils in the corner of his eyes. What? +What? Yeah, doesn't hurt himself, just spins it around next to his eyeball. +Yeah, doesn't hurt himself, just spins it around next to his eyeball. I'm sure that ain't the only place he's sticking those pencils. +I'm sure that ain't the only place he's sticking those pencils. Naw, he don't do anything else with 'em, but he did get caught once with a Planet of the Apes doll hanging out his asshole. +Naw, he don't do anything else with 'em, but he did get caught once with a Planet of the Apes doll hanging out his asshole. Goddamn. +Goddamn. Had to take him to the hospital. Kid had Dr. Zaius stuck half way up his butt, couldn't get it out. +Had to take him to the hospital. Kid had Dr. Zaius stuck half way up his butt, couldn't get it out. I always loved that mute broad that Chuck Heston was shacking up with. +I always loved that mute broad that Chuck Heston was shacking up with. Nova, yeah she looked pretty sweet. +Nova, yeah she looked pretty sweet. Yeah, now there's the perfect woman. +Yeah, now there's the perfect woman. Can I get some stamps off ya? Did you fix the toilet yet? +Ya hear me? You bust that crapper and I'll beat your ass. I hear ya. +Fuck your grandmother. Yeah, I remember Mr. Alacard the shop teacher use'ta call you Little Dick Wick. Hey, wasn't there a song we made up to go with that? +Huh? Oh, hi. You really don't have a phone? No, none. I had one once, back in '57 maybe... I don't know. Really ain't nobody we wanna be jaw flapping at around here no more. +No, he's just joking. We don't really have any plans other than spending the night at my Dad's house... ...which is where we were headed when our car broke down. That's nice. +That's nice. Yeah, I guess I'll just help him hand out candy to the trick or treaters. +How long is that gonna take? He should be back in a couple hours. +Tiny ain't got no car, he ain't even got a bicycle. How's he get around out here? +You sure you don't need any help in there? No dear, I'm fine. Now what kind of host would I be if I put my guests to this kind of work. +You'll have to forgive Tiny, he can't hear so much. Oh. +Oh. Yeah, my poor baby. It's his Daddy's fault. I mean Earl was a good man... I mean he never hit me or nothing, but one day he just got up and went pure devil on us all. +Yeah, my poor baby. It's his Daddy's fault. I mean Earl was a good man... I mean he never hit me or nothing, but one day he just got up and went pure devil on us all. What happened? Oh, I'm sorry, it's none of my business. +What happened? Oh, I'm sorry, it's none of my business. He tried to burn the house down, said it was possessed by the spirits. Tiny was sleeping in the basement where the fire started. I don't think Earl ever meant to harm us... but Tiny was badly burnt, his ears were destroyed and most of his skin. +Huh? Grab Mary and come inside. +Great, you're back. Let's go. We already paid for the tickets. Tickets for what? +Tickets for what? This isn't everything. Get ready for this... there's a Museum of Murder and Mayhem. +This isn't everything. Get ready for this... there's a Museum of Murder and Mayhem. I don't want to see that. +Aw, come on. It will be fun. Oh yeah, murder museum... sounds fun. +Ugh, what's that smell? Fried chicken. Anybody want some? +Hey, maybe she knows where this is? That seems likely. +Fuck, it's freezing. Hey, listen to this... I think this is related to our Dr. Satan. +Hey, listen to this... I think this is related to our Dr. Satan. Oh, yeah. +Oh, yeah. Yeah, in this book there's a chapter called Self Made Freaks about how people would mutilate themselves in order to work in a freak show. It mostly talks about tattooed people and wild men of Borneo and shit like that, but there is one mention of a single case where a woman was suspected of having her arms removed on purpose to become an arm-less wonder. +Yeah, in this book there's a chapter called Self Made Freaks about how people would mutilate themselves in order to work in a freak show. It mostly talks about tattooed people and wild men of Borneo and shit like that, but there is one mention of a single case where a woman was suspected of having her arms removed on purpose to become an arm-less wonder. Yeah, so how does that fit with the story of four morons with a flat tire looking for a dead tree? +Yeah, so how does that fit with the story of four morons with a flat tire looking for a dead tree? "It says, ""records show that Ellie Thompson was born in 1914 of normal physical stature and lived a life of normal bearings, until such time that she was placed in the care of the Willows State Mental Facility.""" +"It says, ""records show that Ellie Thompson was born in 1914 of normal physical stature and lived a life of normal bearings, until such time that she was placed in the care of the Willows State Mental Facility.""" So. +So. Now she was put in the nuthouse in 1930 at the age of 16. +Now she was put in the nuthouse in 1930 at the age of 16. Why? +Why? "Blah, blah, blah... it doesn't say, but she was released sometime in 1937, only to reappear as Ellie Bogdan, the arm-less wonder. Says she, ""criss-crossed the United States constantly in carnivals and freak shows until her death in 1946.""" +"Blah, blah, blah... it doesn't say, but she was released sometime in 1937, only to reappear as Ellie Bogdan, the arm-less wonder. Says she, ""criss-crossed the United States constantly in carnivals and freak shows until her death in 1946.""" Yeah? +Yeah? These dates perfectly correspond with the time frame of our beloved Dr. Satan working at the looney bin. I'll bet he amputated her arms. +These dates perfectly correspond with the time frame of our beloved Dr. Satan working at the looney bin. I'll bet he amputated her arms. So what? +So what? I don't know, I just thought it was interesting. +I don't know, I just thought it was interesting. You know what Jerry, who really cares at this point? +You know what Jerry, who really cares at this point? I don't... ...I just thought it was weird. +Yeah, Jerry, she said some pretty fucked shit to us. When? +When? When you were outside with Bill. +Hey, nice outfit Billy Bob. Thanks for coming to get us. Little brother almost scared us to death. +Thanks for coming to get us. Little brother almost scared us to death. Dude, your chick's a little high strung. +Thank you. Yes, thank you. Thank you very much. +Really, now is not the time to make waves. Hey, I'm just waiting for Cousin Itt to show up. +Hey, I'm just waiting for Cousin Itt to show up. Shhhhhh. +What are you laughing at? I don't know, I think he's funny. +I don't know, I think he's funny. This isn't funny, it's twisted. +You gotta be kidding me. This chick is wasted. Shhhhhh. +We've got get out of here, we got get out of here. Think, think. Try to open the lid, try to kick a hole in the wood. +Think, think. Try to open the lid, try to kick a hole in the wood. I can't... I can't move my arms. I hurt so much. +I can't... I can't move my arms. I hurt so much. I know, but we can make it out of here. We can do it. +That was good babe, just keep doing that. That's not me. I didn't... I'm not doing that. +That's not me. I didn't... I'm not doing that. Someone is out there... ...help, we're in here! +Someone is out there... ...help, we're in here! Help, help us. +Hello... ...hey Denise... what, what's wrong, did you break down? No, nothing like that... yeah, we're gonna be a little late. We stopped for gas at this place called Capt. Spaulding's outside of Ruggsville and it turned into a whole thing, so we're kind of behind schedule. +No, nothing like that... yeah, we're gonna be a little late. We stopped for gas at this place called Capt. Spaulding's outside of Ruggsville and it turned into a whole thing, so we're kind of behind schedule. Oh yeah, yeah I've driven by that place before. I seem to remember a crabby old bastard in a crummy clown suit running the place. +Oh yeah, yeah I've driven by that place before. I seem to remember a crabby old bastard in a crummy clown suit running the place. Yeah, well he's still here. I think him and Jerry are fast becoming buddies, you know Jerry... yeah, he's gotta see everything... yeah, I know... thinks there's some unsolved mystery around every corner. +Yeah, well he's still here. I think him and Jerry are fast becoming buddies, you know Jerry... yeah, he's gotta see everything... yeah, I know... thinks there's some unsolved mystery around every corner. Well, don't take too long, the kids are already knocking down the door demanding their sugar fix... I know, I know I forgot to mention that Halloween falls on a school night, so they're trick or treating tonight... I got the joint decked out this year, built a graveyard in the front yard like when you were a kid. +Well, don't take too long, the kids are already knocking down the door demanding their sugar fix... I know, I know I forgot to mention that Halloween falls on a school night, so they're trick or treating tonight... I got the joint decked out this year, built a graveyard in the front yard like when you were a kid. Hopefully I can move things along here and make up the lost time by speeding all the way home... yes, Dad I'm kidding. +Hopefully I can move things along here and make up the lost time by speeding all the way home... yes, Dad I'm kidding. Well, just promise me you'll be careful... alright, alright see ya soon... good-bye. +Come on sleeping beauty, time to go to work. Sleeping. +Sleeping. Rise and shine. +Rise and shine. No please, let me sit this one out. +No please, let me sit this one out. Let's go. You're the one who wanted to be a photographer. +Let's go. You're the one who wanted to be a photographer. I resign. +I resign. Too late. You're in for life, let's move it out Private Shutterbug. +Too late. You're in for life, let's move it out Private Shutterbug. Christ, I hope this isn't more crappy folk art. It's so quaint... it's so primal... it's so crap. +Christ, I hope this isn't more crappy folk art. It's so quaint... it's so primal... it's so crap. Aw, it ain't crap... it's... cute. ...and really who are we to judge the artistic merit of the tin-can Mona Lisa? +Aw, it ain't crap... it's... cute. ...and really who are we to judge the artistic merit of the tin-can Mona Lisa? Aw, shit... I gotta pee anyway. +I swear I've aged five years since this trip started. Tell me about it. +Tell me about it. God, I hate falling asleep in the afternoon. Now I'll be up all night... ...ugh, my back is killing me. +God, I hate falling asleep in the afternoon. Now I'll be up all night... ...ugh, my back is killing me. Yeah, hey how far do you think we are from your Dad's? +It will be nice to have a few days off to regenerate. This trip is fun, but it's starting to get brutal. Yeah, I hit burn out mode back at that old stripper lady's place. Watching her dance around with those ratty-looking animals was ridiculous. +Yeah, I hit burn out mode back at that old stripper lady's place. Watching her dance around with those ratty-looking animals was ridiculous. I know, that was some crazy shit. I never in a million years would have believed it if I hadn't seen it. +I know, that was some crazy shit. I never in a million years would have believed it if I hadn't seen it. A decent meal every once in a while wouldn't hurt either, this road food is crap. +A decent meal every once in a while wouldn't hurt either, this road food is crap. If I never eat at another Waffle House again, I can die a happy girl. +If I never eat at another Waffle House again, I can die a happy girl. Scattered, smothered and covered. +Scattered, smothered and covered. Exactly... well, I guess a couple more photos won't kill me. +Geez, he never gets tired does he. Never. I swear to God he never sleeps, he goes to bed after me, wakes up before me. He's always working on 10. +Never. I swear to God he never sleeps, he goes to bed after me, wakes up before me. He's always working on 10. Maybe he's a cyborg. +Let's just skip it. It is probably nothing anyway. Aw Christ, Jerry. We can't see anything now, it's too dark. Let's forget it. +Stick her in the front, if you want to pick her up so bad. She's soaked. She looks like she stinks. +Don't even say it. You got to be fucking joking. +You got to be fucking joking. God damn it, I knew this witch-hunt was fucking bullshit. +I think I'm going fucking crazy. I can't believe... +She said we look like pussy lickers or some shit like that. Yeah, she said we looked queer. +How long has it been? I don't know... about half an hour. +What was that? What? I didn't hear anything. +What? I didn't hear anything. Wait... quiet. Turn off the radio. +I don't hear anything. Shhhhhh, quiet. +Shhhhhh, quiet. I still don't. +I still don't. Turn on the headlights. See if anything is out there. +Jesus Christ. I think I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack. +Excuse me, may I please use your phone? Bill, why don't you ask her... she's your special friend. +A couple hours! Can't Tiny drive us to a phone? +Don't be such a fucking smart ass. Yeah, it's really your fault that we're stuck in this shithole in the first place. +What'd we here, Georgie? A vehicle registered to a William S. Hudley. +A vehicle registered to a William S. Hudley. Holy Jesus, somebody had themselves a field day beating the shit outta this thing. +Holy Jesus, somebody had themselves a field day beating the shit outta this thing. Yeah, no mercy here. +Yeah, no mercy here. Recover any bodies? +Recover any bodies? Not yet. +Not yet. Shit, I wonder what these kids did to bring this much hell down on 'em. +Shit, I wonder what these kids did to bring this much hell down on 'em. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time. +Just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's the understatement of the year. +That's the understatement of the year. Yep, I suppose it is. +God damn. You find something, Georgie? +You find something, Georgie? Yep, I found something. +What'd ya got there? Keys. +Keys. Well Christ boy, don't stand there like a prize dog dick with his butthole caught up a tree. +Well Christ boy, don't stand there like a prize dog dick with his butthole caught up a tree. Huh? +Huh? Open up the trunk. +Open up the trunk. Yes, sir. +Hey, maybe the guy with the tow truck could drive us to a phone. His name is Rufus, Rufus Jr., but we all call him R.J. +His name is Rufus, Rufus Jr., but we all call him R.J. Oh, right. +Oh, right. What do they call you, sweety? +What do they call you, sweety? Um, I'm Jerry... that's Bill... Denise and Mary. +So, what brings you kids way out here, ain't you got something better to do for Halloween than wander around out here in the sticks? Well, I thought I'd maybe take in a hoedown. +Well, I thought I'd maybe take in a hoedown. Oh, really... ...well, I'm a pretty good dancer if you know what I mean... I bet I got a few moves you ain't never seen. +Oh, really... ...well, I'm a pretty good dancer if you know what I mean... I bet I got a few moves you ain't never seen. I don't doubt that. +And I'm gonna help put the razor blades in the candy apples. I'll bet you are... you are a naughty little thing aren't ya. +I'll bet you are... you are a naughty little thing aren't ya. I was just kidding. +Great. I thought I felt a certain attraction between Mary and Tiny soon as he walked in. Maybe. He's a real lady killer. +Maybe. He's a real lady killer. Didn't ya think, Mary? +I've been meaning to ask you, Mrs... Ummmm. Firefly. +Firefly. Firefly... mmmmm odd name. Mrs. Firefly, do you know anything about the legend of Dr. Satan? +For the show. It's Halloween eve and time for our show. Oh, you mean on TV. +Oh, you mean on TV. No, no, no it's so much more special than that... you'll see, you'll be the first to ever see. I think this is something you'll really love. +No, no, no it's so much more special than that... you'll see, you'll be the first to ever see. I think this is something you'll really love. Great. +Bye sweety, we could of been great together. Please, let us go, we won't tell anybody. +Please, let us go, we won't tell anybody. Aw, honey you know I can't do that. +I'm gonna go ask him. Aw, come on Jerry. We've gotten all we're gonna get out of this place and its starting to rain. +Aw, come on Jerry. We've gotten all we're gonna get out of this place and its starting to rain. Shit, it is only sprinkling and it's worth the trouble. Hold on for two seconds. +We hit the jackpot! Let's roll, good buddy. We got ourselves a convoy. Huh? +Just back up. I think we should go straight. I mean we know for a fact there ain't nothing back that way, right? +I'll go. It's my fault. You said it, not me. +God damn it, I must be fucking crazy to let him go off with that crazy fucking bitch. Huh? +Huh? That stupid hillbilly slut. +That stupid hillbilly slut. Oh, don't blow everything out of proportion. +Oh, don't blow everything out of proportion. You didn't see the look she threw me. She's up to something. +Hold on, hold on! Everybody calm down! It's the tow truck guy. What! +OK lassies, I think it's time you get to gripping reality. Enough with the stupid voices. +This is way too fucked up for words. I know the words... fucking psycho fucking bullshit, that's the words. +I'm with Denise, can't we just walk to someplace, this is getting fucking stupid. Negative. Shit, we are so deep in the sticks we could walk for hours and find zero. +Oh, I get it... I guess you think you're too good for the simple pleasures of Halloween. No, just a little too old. +No, just a little too old. Oh really, well I hope something changes your mind some day. +I know you're my guests and welcome but I'd please advise you to keep from cussing while in my house, thank you. Sorry. +Sorry. Well, even though I know it seems childish to you all. Tonight is Halloween eve and it special to us so you are all invited to stay for dinner. +I suggest you kids leave now. Don't worry, I'm gone. +Why? Why are you doing this? Doing what? Messy up your day? Well, fuck lady there are some bigger issues at hand... than your fucking have a nice fucking day bumper sticker shit! +Doing what? Messy up your day? Well, fuck lady there are some bigger issues at hand... than your fucking have a nice fucking day bumper sticker shit! Where's Bill? +Where's Bill? Well, Bill... he's a good guy, he's been great help to me... a real blessing... I couldn't have asked for a better specimen. I mean you don't know what a dry spell I've had, total block... ...total block... but Bill he's OK. +Where is he? Let's go see. +Behold... The Fish-Boy! This can't be real, this can't be real, this can't be real. +This can't be real, this can't be real, this can't be real. Oh, it's real... as real as I want it to be, mamma... ...look, see the magic in my brush strokes. +Fuck you, you fucking freak! Oh, come now... we're all creatures of God and freaks in our own way... ...but if you'll notice... right here, needs a little something, heh? +What are you doing? ...no, stop... please, please. You, my dear worm feeder, are about to become immortalized. +Well hello, officer. Excuse me, I'm sorry for disturbing you this fine afternoon. +Excuse me, I'm sorry for disturbing you this fine afternoon. Aw, you ain't disturbing me, but it kind of looks like rain, don't ya think? +Aw, you ain't disturbing me, but it kind of looks like rain, don't ya think? My name is Lt. Wydell, I'd like to ask you a few questions. +My name is Lt. Wydell, I'd like to ask you a few questions. Questions? Well, heck, I'll tell you anything you want to know. +Questions? Well, heck, I'll tell you anything you want to know. I appreciate your cooperation. I'm looking for a missing girl... ...this girl here, Denise Willis... have you seen her? +I appreciate your cooperation. I'm looking for a missing girl... ...this girl here, Denise Willis... have you seen her? Well, I... mmmmm... no, I ain't seen her, sorry. +Please, could I please come in and talk to you for a minute? Maybe you could take a better look at the picture... might stir up something. I um... no, I don't think so... +I um... no, I don't think so... Please, just a minute. +Please, just a minute. Oh, alright... I guess I can trust you... being a man of the law and all. +Thank you. Oh, you are very welcome... Lord knows how I love a man in uniform. +Think... do any of these kids look familiar in any way? No, I can't say that I ever seen 'em before... ...he looks familiar, is he on TV? +Grampa... watch the language. I ain't sure that you really need to know. It's better you go home still dreaming about your kitty cats and puppy dogs. +Otis! Otis! Come quick, there's cops outside. What! God damn, how many? +I don't know. I only saw one. I'm sure there's more than that... fucking pigs always travel in packs... ...here, take this. +I'm sure there's more than that... fucking pigs always travel in packs... ...here, take this. What should I do? +What should I do? Go down stairs and play nice... I'm a gonna go 'round back and handle things like I always fucking do. +I'm the one who brings the devil's brandy... Who's your Daddy! +Who's your Daddy! Yes! I'm the one who beats you when you're bad... +Get in... now! Wait, I want to say good-bye. +That's true, Otis... not that we're having a bad time, but... Well, go get her. +Hey. George Willis... ...any leads? +Local girl, Karen Murphy, been missing for a couple months, figured for a runaway. Fit the profile? +Fit the profile? No, not really. Good kid, never been in any trouble. +Christ, four kids couldn't just disappear. No they couldn't, somebody had to see something. +No they couldn't, somebody had to see something. My Denise is a smart girl, she wouldn't do anything stupid, and her boyfriend, he always seemed like a good kid. +Turn up this road. Where we headed? +Shit, don't these packrat hillbillies throw anything away? Shhhh... you hear that? +Yeah, I hear it... where's it coming from? Over here, inside the smokehouse. +We gotta break it open. I ain't got a warrant. +Tell it to my daughter. Shit... fuck procedure. +Jesus Christ. Call Wydell. +Fuck, go to the car... call for backup. Tell 'em officer down. Right. +Mr. Willis? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. I'm Wydell... this is Naish. +Well, we were on our way out to run a check on a couple farmhouses out on the edge of town... closest thing we got to a lead at this point. That's it? +That's it? Well, all we know is the kids were headed out to a spot the locals call Deadwood to play Nancy Drew with some local legend about this character everybody calls Dr. Satan. +Well, all we know is the kids were headed out to a spot the locals call Deadwood to play Nancy Drew with some local legend about this character everybody calls Dr. Satan. Dr. Satan? +What about the body you found? Oh, yeah, you know about that? Hmmm, that's a strange one. +Her part in this I can't figure... but I will. Christ, you know it's crazy... I lived through so many other people's nightmares, you know. Always cool and calm, but... but I never thought I'd be the one needing help, ya know? +I'm sure there's a logical explanation. I pray to God there is. +Well, let's go see if the nut that runs this place can help us. Right. +Boss, the way I see it is these kids probally stop off somewhere, bought a bunch of booze and are off getting shitfaced. I hope you're right, but my guts are telling me different. +I hope you're right, but my guts are telling me different. Your Spidey senses tingling. +Your Spidey senses tingling. Yeah... ...huh, what the hell are you talking about? +Yeah... ...huh, what the hell are you talking about? You know, your hyper sensitive Spidey senses... like Spider-man... ...you know, like in the comics. +You know, your hyper sensitive Spidey senses... like Spider-man... ...you know, like in the comics. How old do you think I am? I know who the fuck Spider-man is. Get to your point. +How old do you think I am? I know who the fuck Spider-man is. Get to your point. You know, his senses start tingling... when he was approaching danger and shit. +You know, his senses start tingling... when he was approaching danger and shit. I always favored the Hulk. +I always favored the Hulk. Hulk was dumb as shit. +Hulk was dumb as shit. Aw, fuck. +Aw, fuck. What. +Plates match. Call the chief... We found 'em. +You sure this guy's supposed to ride with us? Seems kind of weird. Chief said pick him up and take him with us on our house to house. Guy's an ex-cop, thinks he can help. +Chief said pick him up and take him with us on our house to house. Guy's an ex-cop, thinks he can help. Sounds like a bad idea to me, probally just get in the way. +Sounds like a bad idea to me, probally just get in the way. Yeah, well I guess it's tough to sit on the sidelines and wait when your own kid's missing... besides, ain't no such thing as an ex-cop. +Yeah, well I guess it's tough to sit on the sidelines and wait when your own kid's missing... besides, ain't no such thing as an ex-cop. I guess not. +I guess not. That must be him. +Yeah it's horseshit, just some boogieman crap that the kids like to scare each other with. Anyway, there's not much else out that way... so, I figure maybe there's a chance the kids broke down and found their way over to one of the farms. +Don't worry, we'll find her. Let's hit the road, sooner we get a move on sooner we'll find her. +I'm gonna see if anybody's home. You and Mr. Willis take a look around the grounds for any sign of anything. Right... ...come on. +Wydell. Excuse me for a second. +Over. We found one. +And furthermore... Tell him, Harold. Uh... We must never act like apes, son. For you see, The ape is our closest biological relative -- specifically the pygmy chimp. A single chromosome separates us. But you know what truly separates us from the apes, what makes us better than apes? +That is the wrong fork, young man. Harold, tell the boy. That is the wrong fork, young man. +Harold! Tell the boy again. "No ""buts."" Go to your room now." +"No ""buts."" Go to your room now." And? +And? And think about what you've done. +Tell him, Harold. Son, your mother and I are doing a production of The Gin Game at the local community theater. We forgot to take off our make-up. +Tell him, Harold. It's going famously, son, famously! +Lila, what are you doing in there? I need to get ready for my date. Nothing! I'll be out in a minute! +I don't know why you didn't tell me about this. It's embarrassing, okay? +It's embarrassing, okay? It's not so bad. So, it just keeps growing? +It's not so bad. So, it just keeps growing? Yeah, Natalie. It's hair. It grows. +Yeah, Natalie. It's hair. It grows. Well, don't jump down my throat. I'm just trying to help. +Well, don't jump down my throat. I'm just trying to help. How is that helping, Natalie? How exactly? +How is that helping, Natalie? How exactly? Look, if you're going to be like that... You should be appreciative that I'm interested. +Look, if you're going to be like that... You should be appreciative that I'm interested. Why, because I'm a freak and you are beautiful, and you are being nice enough to come down to my freak, nonbeautiful level and act concerned about my repulsive troubles? +Why, because I'm a freak and you are beautiful, and you are being nice enough to come down to my freak, nonbeautiful level and act concerned about my repulsive troubles? You're fucked up, Lila. Why don't you fucking try electrolysis or something? Figure it out for chrissake. +Hello, my little boy. Hey, ma. Did you bring any clothes? I'm freezing my ass off. +Hey, ma. Did you bring any clothes? I'm freezing my ass off. Oui. Nathan's silk suit, just like you asked. +Oui. Nathan's silk suit, just like you asked. Great. God, I've wanted you forever. +Say my name. Gabrielle. +Gabrielle. You remind me so much of Nathan. +You remind me so much of Nathan. Like father, like son. +Like father, like son. You remind me so much of Nathan plus so much of my little mongrel doggie. +You remind me so much of Nathan plus so much of my little mongrel doggie. Woof. +As much as I loved Nathan, I'm not sorry she killed him, if it means I can have you. Is that a terrible thing to say, my sweet? Hush. No, it is never terrible to be in love. Nathan's memory lives on in our sacred union. I'm not sorry she killed him either. Nathan was wonderful. He was erudite and sophisticated and charming. You are all that, too. But you have something more. You have a bit of the animal in you. +Let's go eat, I'm starved. French? +French? Oui. +Only three shocks. A chimp takes fifteen. This is going to be tres simple, no, Gabrielle? Oui, doctor, oui. +Oui, doctor, oui. Good morning... We need a name for him, don't we? +Good morning... We need a name for him, don't we? Oui. +Oui. You decide. Today is your day. +You decide. Today is your day. Really? My day? Well, I had a sweet little mongrel puppie named Puff when I was a girl. This one reminds me of my dog, all shaggy! So cute! I loved my doggie very much, monsieur. +Really? My day? Well, I had a sweet little mongrel puppie named Puff when I was a girl. This one reminds me of my dog, all shaggy! So cute! I loved my doggie very much, monsieur. Puff it is then. Puff Bronfman. Is that okay? +Puff it is then. Puff Bronfman. Is that okay? Oui. Perfect! +Oui. Perfect! Good morning, Puff Bronfman. I'm Dr. Bronfman and this is my assistant Gabrielle. We're your mommy and daddy while you are here. +Oh, Hi, Gabrielle. Hi. I just wanted to tell you that I very much enjoy working with you. Now I'm embarrassed that I say this. +No. Don't be. I really enjoy hearing that. You're a terrific assistant. Merci. I... Do you... would you like to go get a cup of coffee, perhaps? +Merci. I... Do you... would you like to go get a cup of coffee, perhaps? Well, I don't know. I'm actually on my way to... +Well, I don't know. I'm actually on my way to... Now I am truly embarrassed. Forgive me. I should not have asked such a stupid question. I know you are a very important man and... +Now I am truly embarrassed. Forgive me. I should not have asked such a stupid question. I know you are a very important man and... No. Don't be silly. It's just... +No. Don't be silly. It's just... I am a foolish little thing. I am pink in my face, no? It is only that I have been so lonely lately and... I am ashamed. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Unless... Am I fired now? +Thank you so much for accompanying me. Not at all. +Not at all. I have had such a difficult time in my personal life and you seem to be such a nice man... but I'm talking too much again, no? +I have had such a difficult time in my personal life and you seem to be such a nice man... but I'm talking too much again, no? Of course not. +Of course not. You're so sweet. Oh, why are there not more men out there like you? +Listen, you're the best assistant I've ever had... Gabrielle. I like it when you say my name. Is that stupid? +Oh, Doctor. I did not know. I'm sorry to disturb you. I just came for some papers I left. Gabrielle. No, I'm sorry if I startled you. I came to think. God, Did I hang up on you? +Gabrielle. No, I'm sorry if I startled you. I came to think. God, Did I hang up on you? Oui. Perhaps I called at a bad time. I am sorry. +Oui. Perhaps I called at a bad time. I am sorry. No. I just got distracted. I'm so sorry. +No. I just got distracted. I'm so sorry. Is everything fine? +Is everything fine? Oui. Now you've got me talking French. +Oui. Now you've got me talking French. I was in my p.j.'s when I remembered I left some papers I need to go over. See? I rushed right out of the house. I must look a mess. I'm so embarrassed. +I was in my p.j.'s when I remembered I left some papers I need to go over. See? I rushed right out of the house. I must look a mess. I'm so embarrassed. I'm in my p.j.'s, too. Funny, huh? +Coincidence, yes? And how is our son? Our...? Oh! He seems fine. I guess we woke him. The lights and all. +Our...? Oh! He seems fine. I guess we woke him. The lights and all. I should turn them off. Maybe I sing him a lullaby my mama sang to me when I was a little girl. +I should turn them off. Maybe I sing him a lullaby my mama sang to me when I was a little girl. When you were a little French girl? +When you were a little French girl? Oui. +Oui. That would be good. +Shall we close up, then? Maybe we should just sit for a while. It's very peaceful. +Maybe we should just sit for a while. It's very peaceful. It's nice, yes. I'm glad I ran into you, both in our silly pajamas. It is two happy coincidences, no? +It's nice, yes. I'm glad I ran into you, both in our silly pajamas. It is two happy coincidences, no? Yes. Happy happy. +Yes. Happy happy. Yet you look so sad. A great man like you should not be sad. +Yet you look so sad. A great man like you should not be sad. I'm fine. Life is funny, that's all. +I am sleepy. I shouldn't say this, but you're pretty, Gabrielle. It's unprofessional, I know. +I shouldn't say this, but you're pretty, Gabrielle. It's unprofessional, I know. Really? I always think myself so ugly. No, not ugly, but plain. A wallflower. +Really? I always think myself so ugly. No, not ugly, but plain. A wallflower. Really? No. Not at all. You're a very pretty girl. You should know that. You should be confident. +Really? No. Not at all. You're a very pretty girl. You should know that. You should be confident. Thank you so much. Merci. It's very wonderful to hear a man say such a nice compliment. +Thank you so much. Merci. It's very wonderful to hear a man say such a nice compliment. It's true. I wouldn't lie. +It's true. I wouldn't lie. You are sweet. +So soft. So smooth. I'm sorry. It's just... Shh. +What is wrong, my darling? Nothing, my darling. All is right with the world. +Dr. Bronfman's line. Yes. One moment please. Lila. Shit. Hi, honey. +Yeah. Okay. Be home around seven. Bye. What? I'm sorry. What was I supposed to do? I don't know, Nathan. What are you supposed to do? +I don't know, Nathan. What are you supposed to do? You don't abandon somebody because they have a physical problem. +You don't abandon somebody because they have a physical problem. Funny. I thought that's exactly what you did. You just don't have the courage to admit it to yourself. +Isn't Puff doing spectacularly, honey? Hmmmph. +Hmmmph. Gabby, what is it? +Gabby, what is it? Hmmph. Hmmph. Nathan, we have to talk, you and I. +Hmmph. Hmmph. Nathan, we have to talk, you and I. Fine. +Fine. Not in front of the boy. +Not in front of the boy. Very well. +My little French. Stop. Get away. +Stop. Get away. What is it? +What is it? You have to choose Nathan. It's like Sophie's choice. Only it is Nathan's choice. Did you ever see that movie, Sophie's Choice? It is like that. Only it is this. +You have to choose Nathan. It's like Sophie's choice. Only it is Nathan's choice. Did you ever see that movie, Sophie's Choice? It is like that. Only it is this. Gabby, you know I'm trying to sort things out. +Gabby, you know I'm trying to sort things out. No! It is now that you must decide. I love you, Doctor Nathan... ...but I will not wait. I will not be your chippy. I will not be your little Mademoiselle Parlez-vous side dish. My love. I want to have a sweet tiny baby inside my belly... from you. +I love you so much, Gabrielle. "But?... But? There is a ""but,"" Nathan." +"But?... But? There is a ""but,"" Nathan." But I don't know how to leave Lila. +You were wonderful today, darling. Such authority with the ape-man boy. It made me so hot for you. Unnhh. +Unnhh. The way you are taming him, it sends chills down my girlish spine and... everywhere else, too. +The way you are taming him, it sends chills down my girlish spine and... everywhere else, too. Urgh. +Urgh. Take me, darling! Tame your little monkey of love! +Yeah? What? Hi. It's Nathan. +Call you back. You bastard! What do you want? I just want to talk. +I just want to talk. We have nothing to say! You are a rotten bastard, that's what! +Please. Just one minute of your time. Why? You've made your decision, Mister Stinky American! Now I hate you! No, I don't hate you; I don't even think about you! +Why? You've made your decision, Mister Stinky American! Now I hate you! No, I don't hate you; I don't even think about you! I've got some things to tell you. +Like what? Well, I think it would be easier if I could talk to you in person. +Well, I think it would be easier if I could talk to you in person. What for? +Well, I think... You think too much. I need a man who doesn't think so much but acts more than he thinks... is what I need! +You think too much. I need a man who doesn't think so much but acts more than he thinks... is what I need! What? +What? You heard me! You make me sick when you pretend to not understand what I am saying to you! Go away from here! +You heard me! You make me sick when you pretend to not understand what I am saying to you! Go away from here! Well, look, I'm sorry to have bothered you. +Well? God, you're beautiful. +God, you're beautiful. Please. I look a mess. +Please. I look a mess. No. You look so beautiful. +No. You look so beautiful. Anyway. Come already to the point. +Anyway. Come already to the point. I'm... I'm going to leave Lila. I can't stop thinking about you. +I'm... I'm going to leave Lila. I can't stop thinking about you. I've moved on. +I've moved on. No! +No! I've been seeing Johannsen in chemistry. +I've been seeing Johannsen in chemistry. That goddamn Neanderthal? I'm the one who gave him the idea for the combination bug spray-sun screen! Did you know that?! +That goddamn Neanderthal? I'm the one who gave him the idea for the combination bug spray-sun screen! Did you know that?! That's not how he tells it. +That's not how he tells it. Of course not, that Swedish thief! He's a thief of hearts! I love you, Gabrielle. +Of course not, that Swedish thief! He's a thief of hearts! I love you, Gabrielle. Hunh. +Hunh. Just give me some time to let Lila down easily. She's a really nice girl and I don't want to hurt her more than is necessary. +Just give me some time to let Lila down easily. She's a really nice girl and I don't want to hurt her more than is necessary. You hurt me, you know, when you made Nathan's Choice. Does that not even matter to you, you pig? +You were wonderful! Was I? I wasn't a tad stiff? +Was I? I wasn't a tad stiff? "Don't be silly! And you were wonderful, too! I loved the way you said "" au revoir.""" +So we've got seventeen new bookings for speaking engagements, my wonderful men. Terrific. We're all going to be rich and famous. +Lila? That's Lila? +A penny for your thoughts, mon cheri. I don't know. Something's missing. +Yes, please, somebody ask him what is wrong. I don't know. +I want our boy back. Oui. +Oui. That bitch. I worked so hard. We worked so hard, you and I. He would've made us famous. +That bitch. I worked so hard. We worked so hard, you and I. He would've made us famous. We still have you and I. +We still have you and I. I know. And that's great. But it would be great in a better way, not a better way but a different way, if I could find him and bring him back. +I know. And that's great. But it would be great in a better way, not a better way but a different way, if I could find him and bring him back. Where do we look for little lost Puff? +Where do we look for little lost Puff? I have some thoughts. I think that hairy bitch is somewhere trying to turn him back into an ape. +I have some thoughts. I think that hairy bitch is somewhere trying to turn him back into an ape. That is horrible. Apes are dirty. No? +That is horrible. Apes are dirty. No? You better believe they're dirty! And smelly! And messy! And they don't know their forks from their assholes! +I'm going alone. This could be dangerous. Okay, my sweet. Good night. +Okay, my sweet. Good night. A little resistance would be nice, damn it. +A little resistance would be nice, damn it. Please let me go with you. +Please let me go with you. No. +No. Okay. +My apologies, madam. It's okay, Puff. +It's okay, Puff. Shan't happen again. +It shan't happen again. I swear it. I'm just getting my sea legs, you know. It's an animal urge, Puff. It's nothing to be ashamed of. +Very well. Very well. +We're going back to nature, you and I. I'm going to retrain you. I'm going to make you free again if I have to kill you doing it. But I like being human now. +You what? I want to be the way I was before. +I want to be the way I was before. Good. I'll show you how, apey. +Nice night. Talking is to be kept to a minimum. Eventually, when we are ready, there will be none. Language was invented so that people could lie to each other and to themselves. There is no other reason. +You'll thank me eventually, Puff. Well, you won't thank me, because we won't be speaking, but you'll sort of thank me with a special look, the look a dog gives you to let you know he loves you. What an enchanting picture you paint of our future together. +He's dead. We bury the body. We disappear into the woods. Nobody knows. +We bury the body. We disappear into the woods. Nobody knows. No. This is the end of the road. There's a dead human being here. For all of his faults, he was a human being, and certainly a victim of his culture as much as anybody. +No. This is the end of the road. There's a dead human being here. For all of his faults, he was a human being, and certainly a victim of his culture as much as anybody. Forget him, Lila. We'll disappear. We'll never talk about it again. We'll never talk again period. I love you. +Forget him, Lila. We'll disappear. We'll never talk about it again. We'll never talk again period. I love you. Puff, what happened to you is as much my fault as Nathan's. Maybe more so, because I knew it was wrong and I went along with it anyway. I'm taking responsibility for the murder. I want you to go back to your old life. +Puff, what happened to you is as much my fault as Nathan's. Maybe more so, because I knew it was wrong and I went along with it anyway. I'm taking responsibility for the murder. I want you to go back to your old life. I won't let you do that. I shot the bastard. And I'm glad. +I won't let you do that. I shot the bastard. And I'm glad. No. Go back to the woods. This is a sacrifice I need to make. In my world we have something called penance. It's another abstraction, but I had the concept drummed into my head during my years in the convent. It doesn't exist for you, and it shouldn't. See, I could never be free again anyway, so I might as well be in jail. +No. Go back to the woods. This is a sacrifice I need to make. In my world we have something called penance. It's another abstraction, but I had the concept drummed into my head during my years in the convent. It doesn't exist for you, and it shouldn't. See, I could never be free again anyway, so I might as well be in jail. Then I'll live for both of us, Lila. I'll be the most free, truest animal in the whole forest. For both of us. +Then I'll live for both of us, Lila. I'll be the most free, truest animal in the whole forest. For both of us. That's what I'm counting on. +That's what I'm counting on. But first I'll live among them, just long enough to testify before congress about the waywardness of humankind. +But first I'll live among them, just long enough to testify before congress about the waywardness of humankind. Okay. If you think it will help. +Progress! Ouch. Yeah? +Ouch. Yeah? Oh yes, honey. Getting to be smooth smooth smooth all over. Smooth as a baby's butt. +Oh yes, honey. Getting to be smooth smooth smooth all over. Smooth as a baby's butt. I love it, Rose. I'm getting to be a real girl. +I love it, Rose. I'm getting to be a real girl. You still in the market for a real boy? +You still in the market for a real boy? Always. Ow. +Always. Ow. Cause there's this guy. My brother knows him. Might be right up your alley. +Cause there's this guy. My brother knows him. Might be right up your alley. Tell me. I could use someone up my alley. +Tell me. I could use someone up my alley. I don't get that. Is that sexual? +I don't get that. Is that sexual? Shut up and tell me. +Shut up and tell me. Handsome, thirties, psychologist... +Handsome, thirties, psychologist... Loves animals? Ouch. Must love animals, Rose. +Loves animals? Ouch. Must love animals, Rose. Loves animals. Loves you. +Loves animals. Loves you. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Somehow it came up that you were a friend of mine. Mr. handsome, animal- loving psychologist said he would love to meet you. +Somehow it came up that you were a friend of mine. Mr. handsome, animal- loving psychologist said he would love to meet you. Holy shit. Your brother didn't tell him about the nature of our relationship, did he? +Holy shit. Your brother didn't tell him about the nature of our relationship, did he? My brother is discreet. +My brother is discreet. Won't he be able to tell? +Won't he be able to tell? "My brother says the guy's a thirty- five year old virgin, so maybe he won't know how women usually feel. Plus he's got bad eyesight, almost legally blind, which is helpful in this situation. Plus he's got an extremely small penis, of which he is ""mortifyingly ashamed"", so chances are he'll be so grateful for any non- judgmental attention, that he'll be yours forever." +"My brother says the guy's a thirty- five year old virgin, so maybe he won't know how women usually feel. Plus he's got bad eyesight, almost legally blind, which is helpful in this situation. Plus he's got an extremely small penis, of which he is ""mortifyingly ashamed"", so chances are he'll be so grateful for any non- judgmental attention, that he'll be yours forever." God, he must be really close to your brother to tell him such personal stuff. +God, he must be really close to your brother to tell him such personal stuff. Yeah, well my brother is his shrink. +So? I really like him, Rose. He's so... ...passionate about his work. +I really like him, Rose. He's so... ...passionate about his work. My brother says he likes you, too. +My brother says he likes you, too. Really? +Really? Yeah. Says he likes you even more than he likes his own mother. And according to my brother Nathan's abormally close with his mother. +My brother says things are going really well between you and Nathan. I cannot believe how in love I am with this man. +I cannot believe how in love I am with this man. Yeah? +Yeah? He's so cute. I even like his cute little penis. It's like a little pig's penis or something. Rose, we connect on every level. I've finally found someone I can feel completely safe with. +He's so cute. I even like his cute little penis. It's like a little pig's penis or something. Rose, we connect on every level. I've finally found someone I can feel completely safe with. Don't throw that away. I had that once with a guy. But I threw it away for a cheap thrill. +Don't throw that away. I had that once with a guy. But I threw it away for a cheap thrill. One night stand? +One night stand? No. I married a midget. +No. I married a midget. Marrying a midget was a cheap thrill? +Marrying a midget was a cheap thrill? Well he wasn't really a midget. He was on the cusp of midgethood. That's what made it cheap. Had he been an actual midget, there would've been nothing cheap about it, my dear. +Well he wasn't really a midget. He was on the cusp of midgethood. That's what made it cheap. Had he been an actual midget, there would've been nothing cheap about it, my dear. I didn't know you were into that sort of thing. +I didn't know you were into that sort of thing. Let me tell you, honey, midgets are the best kept secret in male companionship. They're portable. They're controllable. They're eager. And they're exactly the right height for a little covert oral fun on the dance floor. +Let me tell you, honey, midgets are the best kept secret in male companionship. They're portable. They're controllable. They're eager. And they're exactly the right height for a little covert oral fun on the dance floor. I have a friend you might like to meet. +I have a friend you might like to meet. Oh? +Oh? Three foot one. +Three foot one. Be still my crotch. +Be still my crotch. Rose, Nathan's no midget, but he's asked me to move in with him. +Rose, Nathan's no midget, but he's asked me to move in with him. Yeah. My brother told me. +Yeah. My brother told me. And I think I'm going to. +And I think I'm going to. Stand on a stepladder sometimes. +"No maid service! For God's sake, can't you read the fucking ""do not disturb"" sign on the fucking doorknob?" Lila, it's Rosie. +Lila, it's Rosie. Go the fuck away, Rosie. +Go the fuck away, Rosie. Please, honey, let me in. +Please, honey, let me in. Rose, please go away. +Rose, please go away. Lila, I want to help you. +How'd you know where I was? Nathan told my brother. +Nathan told my brother. Your brother should have his license revoked. +Your brother should have his license revoked. Yeah, although I'm not going to turn him in. I like hearing the dirt. +Yeah, although I'm not going to turn him in. I like hearing the dirt. Why didn't your brother tell you that Nathan was having an affair? +I don't know, honey. I don't know. Maybe he just didn't want to get involved. Oh, Rosie. +Oh, Rosie. Let's get you out of here. Come stay with me until you get your strength back. Free electrolysis, if you want it! We'll get that face of yours cleared up in no time. +Done! Ready! +Uh, tie them up, Rosie. If you will. With pleasure. +I'm going to miss you. Oh, Rosie. +Oh, Rosie. And I'm going to miss the lifestyle having you as a client has afforded me. +And I'm going to miss the lifestyle having you as a client has afforded me. Shut up, you. +I like you so much, with or without hair. But don't spread that around. Bad for business. I'm really glad you two found each other. +I'll be in touch. No you won't. But it's okay. You have stuff you gotta do. +Meditations on a Banana Slug was a delightful read. Thank you so much. I love slugs. All slugs, not just banana slugs. +Thank you so much. I love slugs. All slugs, not just banana slugs. As do I. +As do I. "They're so even keel. They forge ahead with slow determination. They don't get distracted or side-tracked. They don't care what they look like. They don't care that people look at them and go, ""Ewww. A slug.""" +"They're so even keel. They forge ahead with slow determination. They don't get distracted or side-tracked. They don't care what they look like. They don't care that people look at them and go, ""Ewww. A slug.""" They don't seem to be especially ego driven, this is true. +They don't seem to be especially ego driven, this is true. You've got to respect that. +You've got to respect that. I have to say that I'm not there yet. +I have to say that I'm not there yet. Where? +Where? Slugdom. Sluggishness. Whatever you'd call it. I'm not there yet. I still have many human characteristics. +Slugdom. Sluggishness. Whatever you'd call it. I'm not there yet. I still have many human characteristics. That's not necessarily a bad thing. +That's not necessarily a bad thing. Yes. I suppose not. But still. One would like to move along. To move beyond. +Yes. I suppose not. But still. One would like to move along. To move beyond. I'm not sure we can escape our natures. Believe me I've tried. I'm not even so sure anymore that we should want to. +I'm not sure we can escape our natures. Believe me I've tried. I'm not even so sure anymore that we should want to. I love that you said that. It makes me feel a bit lighter. I've been rather heavy lately. Thinking about my childhood. Realizing how much a product I am of my upbringing. I've been seeing someone. A therapist. +I love that you said that. It makes me feel a bit lighter. I've been rather heavy lately. Thinking about my childhood. Realizing how much a product I am of my upbringing. I've been seeing someone. A therapist. You are a therapist, right? +You are a therapist, right? No no. I'm a psychologist, but I do research. I'm a behaviorist. I work with animals. Mice at the moment. +No no. I'm a psychologist, but I do research. I'm a behaviorist. I work with animals. Mice at the moment. I hope you don't perform any of those dreadful torture experiments, Nathan. +I hope you don't perform any of those dreadful torture experiments, Nathan. Heavens no. My work now is... Right now I'm teaching mice... well, table manners, to be candid. +Heavens no. My work now is... Right now I'm teaching mice... well, table manners, to be candid. How's it going? +How's it going? Quite well, really. It's a lot of work. A lot of reinforcement, mostly positive. Right now I've gotten two of my subjects to use napkins. Tiny napkins of course. +Quite well, really. It's a lot of work. A lot of reinforcement, mostly positive. Right now I've gotten two of my subjects to use napkins. Tiny napkins of course. Paper or cloth? +Paper or cloth? I hope you don't think me daft. It's important work. It's part of a larger sociological experiment. I'm federally funded. +I hope you don't think me daft. It's important work. It's part of a larger sociological experiment. I'm federally funded. What's the larger experiment? +What's the larger experiment? It's my thesis that if table manners can be taught to mice, they can be taught to humans. +It's my thesis that if table manners can be taught to mice, they can be taught to humans. Going out on a limb, aren't you, Nathan? +Going out on a limb, aren't you, Nathan? The truth is most people don't have table manners today. And when the foundations of civilized society crumble and disappear, civilized society in its entirely follows closely at its heels. +The truth is most people don't have table manners today. And when the foundations of civilized society crumble and disappear, civilized society in its entirely follows closely at its heels. I'm not sure. +I'm not sure. Courtesy, decorum, manners, are all sadly lacking from our daily intercourse. Rudeness, vulgarity, meanness are the norm. +Courtesy, decorum, manners, are all sadly lacking from our daily intercourse. Rudeness, vulgarity, meanness are the norm. We are animals after all. +We are animals after all. Ergo if I can teach table manners to mice, I can teach them to humans. If I can teach table manners to humans, I can save the world. +It looks wonderful. You look wonderful. I'm on top of the world tonight, Lila. Work is going splendidly and my personal life is ... +Um-mmm. Oh Nathan, this salad is delish... My God! The fork! The fork! +My God! The fork! The fork! I'm sorry? +I'm sorry? Tell her, Harold... It's just that... It's nothing. It's just that the outside fork is the salad fork. One goes from the outside in as the dinner progresses. +Tell her, Harold... It's just that... It's nothing. It's just that the outside fork is the salad fork. One goes from the outside in as the dinner progresses. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Nathan. I never really learned those things. +Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Nathan. I never really learned those things. No biggie. +Boy, this is good! I'm sorry that I became so upset. +I'm sorry that I became so upset. No, I'm sorry. I'm really backward in certain areas. +No, I'm sorry. I'm really backward in certain areas. It's only that I really enjoy your company and... +It's only that I really enjoy your company and... You do? +You do? Yes, and... +Yes, and... You really enjoy my company? +You really enjoy my company? Yes. Please don't talk with food in your mouth, Lila. Please. You're so pretty and it only mars your... I'm sorry. I'm being critical. +It's just that I have some peculiarities, and... I like you, too, Nathan. +I like you, too, Nathan. You do? +You do? Yeah But I have some peculiarities also. +Yeah But I have some peculiarities also. I don't care. I don't care! Like what, for example? +Actually, Mother and Father, you look very, very old. You look terrible. Nathan! +What are you doing in there? I'll be out in a minute. +I'll be out in a minute. I'm sorry about my parents. +I'm sorry about my parents. You didn't seem sorry when you were laughing at all your mother's stupid, tasteless, cruel animal jokes. +You didn't seem sorry when you were laughing at all your mother's stupid, tasteless, cruel animal jokes. I was simply attempting to keep the evening light. You know that I feel similarly to you about nature. +I was simply attempting to keep the evening light. You know that I feel similarly to you about nature. Do you? +Do you? Of course. I simply love the... naturalness of it all. +Do you? Oh do you, darling? Why certainly! +Oh, darling. I'm so relieved. Let's celebrate with a long hike in the woods tomorrow! That's a great idea. +It'll be wonderful! I'll show you my old stomping grounds! Terrific. Can't wait! +Shaving cream? I don't think so. Why? +Darling, did you bring the insect repellent lotion? Yes, darling. +Yes, darling. Oh, and the sun block? +Oh, and the sun block? Of course. +Of course. What SPF, sweetie? +What SPF, sweetie? Fifteen. +Fifteen. Perfectomundo! We are ready! Say, wouldn't it be wonderful to have an insect repellent lotion that also worked as a sun block? Think of all the time one would save. +Perfectomundo! We are ready! Say, wouldn't it be wonderful to have an insect repellent lotion that also worked as a sun block? Think of all the time one would save. Yes, darling. +Yes, darling. I think I'll get Johannsen in chemistry on that. Oh! Did you bring the first aid kit? +I think I'll get Johannsen in chemistry on that. Oh! Did you bring the first aid kit? Yes. +Yes. Flares? +Flares? Absolutely. +Absolutely. "We could call it ""Quit Bugging Me, Sunny."" Get it? Sunny. S-u-n-n-y." +"We could call it ""Quit Bugging Me, Sunny."" Get it? Sunny. S-u-n-n-y." That's very funny. +That's very funny. I love you so much. +Did you see that? What? +What? I don't know. Something. +I don't know. Something. A deer? +A deer? No. Too... upright. Might've been a person. +No. Too... upright. Might've been a person. It might behoove us to turn back at this point. +Come on. If it's a person, why should we go see it? It's not like it's nature or anything. It's just a person. Sometimes people who live in the woods don't want to be seen. They live in the woods because they're anti-social, Lila. We have to respect that. +You'll catch cold. It's cold. What do you suppose he is, a survivalist? I think he's feral. +I think he's feral. Feral? Don't touch him! He might be diseased! He might... My God, rabies! +Feral? Don't touch him! He might be diseased! He might... My God, rabies! He looks perfectly fine. +He looks perfectly fine. I think we should go. Please. Before he wakes up and, I don't know, eats us, or whatever feral things do. +I think we should go. Please. Before he wakes up and, I don't know, eats us, or whatever feral things do. I don't understand you. This is fascinating and you just want to run away. I mean, here we have a human being totally uncontaminated by civilization, totally free, and all you want to do is run back to your... +I don't understand you. This is fascinating and you just want to run away. I mean, here we have a human being totally uncontaminated by civilization, totally free, and all you want to do is run back to your... Actually, I just had an amusing thought. +Actually, I just had an amusing thought. What? +What? Feral, huh? Totally uncontaminated? +Feral, huh? Totally uncontaminated? Look at him. He doesn't understand English. He moves like an animal. +Look at him. He doesn't understand English. He moves like an animal. It's perfect! +It's perfect! Nathan, what the hell are you talking about? +Nathan, what the hell are you talking about? Forget mice! Actually forget guinea pigs, cats, monkeys, and chimps also. I'm on to stage five: The human subject. +Forget mice! Actually forget guinea pigs, cats, monkeys, and chimps also. I'm on to stage five: The human subject. Oh no. You can't take him from his home, Nathan. +Oh no. You can't take him from his home, Nathan. Don't you see? He's my Tabula Rasa, my Eliza Dolittle. He's my ticket to the top of the Behaviorist food chain. He's going to make me famous. +Don't you see? He's my Tabula Rasa, my Eliza Dolittle. He's my ticket to the top of the Behaviorist food chain. He's going to make me famous. I won't allow you. It's wrong. He's happy here. +I won't allow you. It's wrong. He's happy here. Is he, Lila? Is he happy living filthy and naked alone in this tick infested wilderness? Never to know the love of a good woman, never to revel in the pitter-patter of little feet, never to read Moby Dick, or marvel at a Monet, or just sit back after a day of hard but rewarding work, smoke a pipe, and wonder about the nature of reality. +Is he, Lila? Is he happy living filthy and naked alone in this tick infested wilderness? Never to know the love of a good woman, never to revel in the pitter-patter of little feet, never to read Moby Dick, or marvel at a Monet, or just sit back after a day of hard but rewarding work, smoke a pipe, and wonder about the nature of reality. You'd be taking away his freedom, Nathan. +You'd be taking away his freedom, Nathan. Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, Lila, to quote Janet Jackson. +...what is it that makes us human, if not the knowledge that we are indeed human? Think of this poor soul's education as the greatest gift we could bestow upon... All right. +All right. Great. Grab his feet. We'll throw him in the trunk. +What are you doing in there? Nothing. Be right out. +Who is it? Uh-huh. Right, Gabrielle. Right. +Who is it? Absolutely, Gabrielle. Someone from work! Sorry about that, Gabrielle. Uh-huh. Exactly. +Who from work? Excuse me one second, would you, Gabrielle? +It's hormonal, Nathan. I can't help it. I'm sorry. Your entire body? +Your entire body? I'm getting electrolysis. It's working, but it takes time. So meanwhile I have to... +I'm getting electrolysis. It's working, but it takes time. So meanwhile I have to... You have to shave? Like an ape? +You have to shave? Like an ape? Apes don't shave, you son of a bitch! +Apes don't shave, you son of a bitch! Don't quibble. You know what I mean. +Don't quibble. You know what I mean. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me for this. +I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me for this. Mad? I'm I'm... disgusted! +Mad? I'm I'm... disgusted! I'm the same person I was before you knew, damn it! Oh God! +I'm the same person I was before you knew, damn it! Oh God! I have to think! I have to think! +Was that okay? I mean, was I able to... satisfy you? You are an animal. +You are an animal. Really? Wow! That's that's terrific to hear from someone so... feminine, so female. +Really? Wow! That's that's terrific to hear from someone so... feminine, so female. I love being female because it, how do you say, allows me to be close to men. +I love being female because it, how do you say, allows me to be close to men. I'm glad you're female. Do you think our boy witnessed the primal scene? +So, how's it going today? Good. Making progress. +Good. Making progress. Honey, can we talk tonight? You know, about stuff? Things have been so strained for the past three weeks, since you know, and I just want to talk. +Everything's fine, honey. We don't need to talk. Besides I have to work late. Please, Nathan. I really need this. You've been working late a lot. +Are you seeing somebody else, Nathan? I just have to know. Of course not. +Of course not. It would just be helpful to know. +It would just be helpful to know. No. +No. Because, you know, you seem so distant. And you work late every night. And we hardly ever have sex, and when we do, it's... I don't know. It feels different. +Because, you know, you seem so distant. And you work late every night. And we hardly ever have sex, and when we do, it's... I don't know. It feels different. I'm just preoccupied. +I'm just preoccupied. Do you like my new look? +Do you like my new look? Yeah. It's nice. It's really good. +Yeah. It's nice. It's really good. I'm trying, you know. I'm trying to be what you want. I want to be what you want, Nathan. All I want is to be what you want. +I'm trying, you know. I'm trying to be what you want. I want to be what you want, Nathan. All I want is to be what you want. Shh. It's okay. It's okay, Lila. You're what I want. You know that. You're exactly what I want. +Shh. It's okay. It's okay, Lila. You're what I want. You know that. You're exactly what I want. Really? +Really? Sure. Of course. +Sure. Of course. Because I'm really trying, you know. Rosie says maybe only another two years of the elctrolysis. +Because I'm really trying, you know. Rosie says maybe only another two years of the elctrolysis. That's great. +That's great. I've signed up for a ballet class. And look at my nails! A real girl! +That's great. It's a great color for you. Oh, Nathan, let's have a baby! +Oh! I didn't see you there, sneaky boy! You're like a boy sneaking in... ...the back door of a movie theater. Yes, indeed. +...the back door of a movie theater. Yes, indeed. You remember that from my book? I'm touched! What's wrong? +You remember that from my book? I'm touched! What's wrong? Nothing. Hard day. Gonna have a drink. +Nothing. Hard day. Gonna have a drink. I'll make it. I'm so happy, Nathan! Everything's going to be so great! Scotch on the rocks, right? Just kidding. I know what you drink, mister. I know what you drink. Voila! +How's work? Cruddy, okay? Are you satisfied? +Cruddy, okay? Are you satisfied? No. I don't want your work to be cruddy. +No. I don't want your work to be cruddy. My assistant quit today. Okay? He was highly valuable to the project. +My assistant quit today. Okay? He was highly valuable to the project. Oh, baby. I'm sorry. Can't you hire somebody else? +Oh, baby. I'm sorry. Can't you hire somebody else? I guess. +Hey! I could come work for you! I know I haven't been all that supportive of this project, but I've come around. Have you? +Have you? Oh yes, baby! I think that this is a wonderful project you're doing, taking this poor unfortunate, uncivilized creature and turning him into a human being! What a wonderful wonderful compassionate man you are! +Oh yes, baby! I think that this is a wonderful project you're doing, taking this poor unfortunate, uncivilized creature and turning him into a human being! What a wonderful wonderful compassionate man you are! Really? +Really? Yes! And I want to help. You won't have to pay me, and I was thinking of giving up that crazy nature writing anyway. +Yes! And I want to help. You won't have to pay me, and I was thinking of giving up that crazy nature writing anyway. How come? +How come? Who needs it? I have you and I have being a woman and I have thinking about womanly things! I love being a woman because... +Who needs it? I have you and I have being a woman and I have thinking about womanly things! I love being a woman because... Such as what womanly things? +Such as what womanly things? Such as my man and how to please him! Such as making wonderful dinners for my man! Such as looking pretty for my man! And I'm writing an article on quilting for the Ladies Home Journal! +Such as my man and how to please him! Such as making wonderful dinners for my man! Such as looking pretty for my man! And I'm writing an article on quilting for the Ladies Home Journal! I had sold my fucking soul. +I had sold my fucking soul. I let her sell her soul. I stood by as she did it. It's inexcusable. At the time though I thought it might help. +Bravo to you, Puff! That was wonderful! +I think he's ready. Oh boy! +You just have to control it. We're not apes. Thank you very much for that. +Puff, I'm proud of you! You did remarkably well under difficult circumstances. Absolutely! +I'm going to go down and check on Puff. See how he's holding up. Should I come with? +Should I come with? Nah. You just relax. How's the book? +Nah. You just relax. How's the book? Ummm. It's good. +You were gone a long time. Yeah. Puff and I got into a big, philosophical discussion. He's really quite well read, considering he's only been literate for a month now. He's going to make us famous, Lila. +Yeah. Puff and I got into a big, philosophical discussion. He's really quite well read, considering he's only been literate for a month now. He's going to make us famous, Lila. So he's doing okay? +So he's doing okay? Seemed fine. Quiet evening enjoying his new digs. +Seemed fine. Quiet evening enjoying his new digs. "That's funny because, you know, I just went and picked him up at some flophouse on the lower eastside. He called here when he ran out of his ""mad"" money after spending an entire evening drinking, watching strippers, and fucking a whore! Oh, and what did you do tonight, honey?" +"That's funny because, you know, I just went and picked him up at some flophouse on the lower eastside. He called here when he ran out of his ""mad"" money after spending an entire evening drinking, watching strippers, and fucking a whore! Oh, and what did you do tonight, honey?" Shit. +Shit. And what did you do tonight, honey? +And what did you do tonight, honey? I've fallen in love with somebody else, Lila. +I've fallen in love with somebody else, Lila. And what did you do tonight, honey? +And what did you do tonight, honey? I fucked her! Okay? I fucked her. I'm sorry. But that's what the hell I did. +I fucked her! Okay? I fucked her. I'm sorry. But that's what the hell I did. Do you know what I gave up to be with you? +Do you know what I gave up to be with you? Yes. +Yes. I gave up my soul, my beliefs. I gave up my body hair! +I gave up my soul, my beliefs. I gave up my body hair! Yeah, well, I'm sorry. The human heart is a strange thing. +Yeah, well, I'm sorry. The human heart is a strange thing. How the hell would you know anything about the human heart? +How the hell would you know anything about the human heart? Lila... +Shut up! Yeah, this is Lila, cunt. And don't let the hirsutism fool you. I know more about being a woman, and more about the black hearts of men than you, in your pretty little powdered, bullshit fantasy world, can ever imagine. I know the darkness and cruelty of nature, sweetie pie. Lila, you don't intend to hurt us, do you? +Lila, you don't intend to hurt us, do you? Eat shit, thumbtack dick! Thank you, Frank. You're the best. +Aha! Finally. I've covered almost the entire seaboard and parts of eastern Ohio. Ugnh. +Look at you two. You both disgust me. Oook. Oook. +Oook. Oook. Shut up! I gave you... life. I created you in my image, Puff. I took you from this primordial ooze and brought you into the world of culture and art and manners. And this is how you repay me? By heading back to the ooze first chance you get? I should leave you here with Lila the ape woman. It would serve you right, you ungrateful piece of crap. But I'm not going to. You're too valuable to me. Totally selfish of me. You serve my purpose. But if you had any smarts you would realize that I serve your purpose as well. Life is so much more delightful when lived in a silk suit. +Shut up! I gave you... life. I created you in my image, Puff. I took you from this primordial ooze and brought you into the world of culture and art and manners. And this is how you repay me? By heading back to the ooze first chance you get? I should leave you here with Lila the ape woman. It would serve you right, you ungrateful piece of crap. But I'm not going to. You're too valuable to me. Totally selfish of me. You serve my purpose. But if you had any smarts you would realize that I serve your purpose as well. Life is so much more delightful when lived in a silk suit. Ooka. +Ooka. Don't worry, Lila. You can stay. I don't have any interest in you anymore. C'mon, monkey boy. +Good-eve-n-ing-lay-dees-and-gent- elmen. Bravo, Puff! Bravo! +Oh boy! Now, Puff, we're leaving on the electronic collar. I don't think we'll need to shock you, but just in case. +Now, Puff, we're leaving on the electronic collar. I don't think we'll need to shock you, but just in case. Okay. That's fair. +This is great, Puff. You're doing fine. I'm loving this. It's such a treat to be out and about. What a wonderful invention a city is. The immense buildings of glass and steel glinting in the afternoon sun, the smartly dressed women in their best summer frocks, the colorful street vendors. +I don't think this aversion therapy is really necessary, doctor. I understand the problem. Humor me, Puff. It's essential that I am able to trust you to function independently in the world. +Humor me, Puff. It's essential that I am able to trust you to function independently in the world. I bow to your expertise in these matters. +I bow to your expertise in these matters. Lila? +Excellent work, Puff. Extra desert tonight. Yahoo! +Yahoo! Tomorrow, the acid test. +Did I? I tried so hard! I really concentrated! Oh, I'm so happy! And because you did so well, we have a little surprise for you. +And because you did so well, we have a little surprise for you. Extra dessert? +Extra dessert? Even better. +"Free to come and go as you please. There's some ""mad money"" in the night table drawer." It's wonderful! Do you think I'm ready? Do you really? +It's wonderful! Do you think I'm ready? Do you really? I trust that you'll make good, mature decisions. I trust that you'll do the proper thing. +I trust that you'll make good, mature decisions. I trust that you'll do the proper thing. Oh, I will! Your very trust has instilled an enormous sense of responsibility in me. I don't want to disappoint you. +Oh, I will! Your very trust has instilled an enormous sense of responsibility in me. I don't want to disappoint you. Good. Remember, when in doubt: Don't ever do what you really want to do. +Good. Remember, when in doubt: Don't ever do what you really want to do. Got it. +Puff, why don't you say a few words to the assemblage. It would be my pleasure, doctor. Distinguished gentlemen and ladies of the psychological community, I stand before you today, a living testament to the amazing skill of Dr. Nathan Bronfman. To say that he took me from crayons to perfume would be a vast understatement. Dr. Bronfman took me from playing with my own feces, then to crayons, and then to an appreciation of the complex works of Franz Kline, Joseph Beuys, and Marcel Duchamp. From compulsive masturbation to... +Thanks to you, Nate. Thanks to you, Buddy. And your diligence and intelligence and perseverance. +And of course to you, my sweet, for your... moral support. here, here. +Interesting. Now, my diminutive friend, what can I do for you? +Ugnh. Oh please, is that as articulate as you can be after all the time I spent teaching you? We've discussed Wittgenstein, for Christ's sake. Not that you ever had anything very original or challenging to say on the subject. +Oh please, is that as articulate as you can be after all the time I spent teaching you? We've discussed Wittgenstein, for Christ's sake. Not that you ever had anything very original or challenging to say on the subject. Unn. +Unn. Down from the tree. Both of you. Keep your hands where I can see them. Don't want you pulling any weapons out of your fur. +Puff, put the gun down. Ounpoo. Ungh. +Ounpoo. Ungh. Let's be reasonable human beings here. We're all reasonable human beings, aren't we? +Let's be reasonable human beings here. We're all reasonable human beings, aren't we? Unka unka unka unka unka. +Unka unka unka unka unka. Look, why don't you and Lila stay here and have your natural life. I'll just go on my way. You'll never see me again. +Look, why don't you and Lila stay here and have your natural life. I'll just go on my way. You'll never see me again. I have to talk. Is that okay? +You did create me in your image, Nathan. Before you I was a simple, happy, complete being, in harmony with the world around me. After you I became duplicitous, cynical, angry, anal, totally out of touch with my surroundings. In a word, Nathan, I became you. Lila has reintroduced me to myself. And, incidentally, what I'm about to do, kill you, is something that would never have occurred to me to do as a creature of the Earth. Before when I killed, it was for food or in self-defense. Now I will kill for revenge. Revenge is an abstract concept, Nathan. And I learned abstract thinking from you. No. +So anyway, that's the nightmare I've been having lately. Do you suppose it has anything to do with Lila's unusually hairy body? +Do you suppose it has anything to do with Lila's unusually hairy body? No, why? +No, why? Well, it seems that since Lila broached the subject of children, you've been on edge and I know you have an issue with the, uh, body hair. +Well, it seems that since Lila broached the subject of children, you've been on edge and I know you have an issue with the, uh, body hair. Oh, I see. Yes, that's something to think about. That's very good. That's what you get the big bucks, right? Ha ha. +Oh, I see. Yes, that's something to think about. That's very good. That's what you get the big bucks, right? Ha ha. I just think it might be important to explore your feelings for Lila. +I just think it might be important to explore your feelings for Lila. I love Lila. I mean, she's a wonderful person. And... she loves me! That's no small potatoes. I mean she really loves me. She's sacrificed so much to be in this relationship with me. And she's a good person. A truly good person. How rare is that in this world, eh? And how could I stop loving somebody because of a little physical imperfection, if it can even be called that. I mean, God knows I'm not perfect! What about my eyesight? It's lousy, that's what! Lila's not going to leave me because of my eyesight. What about my penis? +I love Lila. I mean, she's a wonderful person. And... she loves me! That's no small potatoes. I mean she really loves me. She's sacrificed so much to be in this relationship with me. And she's a good person. A truly good person. How rare is that in this world, eh? And how could I stop loving somebody because of a little physical imperfection, if it can even be called that. I mean, God knows I'm not perfect! What about my eyesight? It's lousy, that's what! Lila's not going to leave me because of my eyesight. What about my penis? And how do you feel about Gabrielle? +Wait! Yes? +Yes? I saw you on C-Span. I've been looking for you for thirty years. Then there you were, such a beautiful, beautiful grown man. +Mother? Yes... Derek. +It's a pleasure to meet you, mother. But I'm an ape like dad was... And I have to go back into the woods now... forever. Yes, I suppose so. I suppose I knew that was going to be what you would say. It's good to see you again though. +Yes, I suppose so. I suppose I knew that was going to be what you would say. It's good to see you again though. Yes. +Yes. I'm in the book, if you ever want to drop me a line or something. +I'm in the book, if you ever want to drop me a line or something. I'm an ape, mom. I'm an ape. And apes don't drop lines. +Boys just passing through? Yep. +Yep. Pittsburgh? +Pittsburgh? Mm hmm. +Mm hmm. Comin' in or goin' out? +Comin' in or goin' out? Goin' in. We got a sales convention. Gotta be there tomorrow. +Goin' in. We got a sales convention. Gotta be there tomorrow. What do you guys sell? +Thanks. Sure is a hot day for driving. Late afternoon is better. You guys have plenty of time. Make Pittsburgh in two, maybe three hours. Hey, he's right! Whaddya say, Charlie, huh? Play a little pool? Wait out the heat? +About sixty, seventy bucks. Next game, ten bucks. +Give me some bourbon. J. T. S. Brown. You want a chaser? +You want a chaser? No. +Hey, another one for me and another one for the lady. Check! +Check! You look different... More relaxed. +Give me a bottle of beer. Right. +Huh? It's open... What'll you have? +You sure you going to be comfortable enough there, Miss... ah... ? Packard. Sarah Packard. +Packard. Sarah Packard. It always takes me a little while to get a name fixed in my mind. Are you sure you don't want anything? +It always takes me a little while to get a name fixed in my mind. Are you sure you don't want anything? No, I'm fine. +No, I'm fine. You, uh, you ever been to Louisville during Derby week, Miss, ah, Packard? +You, uh, you ever been to Louisville during Derby week, Miss, ah, Packard? I've never been to Louisville. +I've never been to Louisville. Lots of action. Lots of money. Lots of class. You'll see some of the best-dressed and most beautiful women in the world at the races. Knock your eye out. +I'm ready. Soon as I finish my coffee. +What makes you know so much? How do you know what Eddie was thinking? I know. Been there myself. We've all been there, haven't we, Miss Packard? +Doesn't your lighter work, Mr. Gordon? Oh, I forgot all about it. How's the hands? +It's all right, Eddie. I'm sure Mr. Gordon meant no offense. It was a figure of speech. That's right, Miss Packard. +That's right, Miss Packard. And a fact is a fact. +And a fact is a fact. She's a smart girl, Eddie. +Oh, wait a minute, Miss Packard. We're neighbors now. You can call me Sarah. +I want to talk to you. Do we need words? +Do we need words? Yeah, I think we do. We could try to cut each other up. But that would be bad for everybody. Bad for me, bad for you. And worst of all, be bad for Eddie. +Yeah, I think we do. We could try to cut each other up. But that would be bad for everybody. Bad for me, bad for you. And worst of all, be bad for Eddie. You know what's good for him? +You know what's good for him? To win. +To win. For whom and for what? +For whom and for what? For what makes the world go round. For money, and for glory. +For what makes the world go round. For money, and for glory. You didn't answer my first question. For whom? +You didn't answer my first question. For whom? All right. Today for me, tomorrow for himself. +All right. Today for me, tomorrow for himself. No, there's no tomorrow. Not with you. You own all the tomorrows because you buy them today, and you buy cheap. +No, there's no tomorrow. Not with you. You own all the tomorrows because you buy them today, and you buy cheap. Well, nobody has to sell. +You bastard. Listen, Miss Ladybird, you're here on a rain check and I know it. You're hanging on by your nails. You let that glory whistle blow loud and clear for Eddie and you're a wreck on a railroad track. You're a horse that finished last. So don't make trouble, Miss Ladybird. Live and let live. While you can. +I'll make it up to you. How? +How? You tell me. +Are you ready for another? Thank you. +In a little while. That's what you want, isn't it? It's what Eddie wants. He, uh, told me to give you some money. +Put it on the bed. That's the way it's done, isn't it? That's the way it's done. +That's the way it's done. And the way you're looking at me, is that the way you look at a man you've just beaten? As if you'd just taken his money, and now all you want is... his pride? +And the way you're looking at me, is that the way you look at a man you've just beaten? As if you'd just taken his money, and now all you want is... his pride? All I want's the money. +All I want's the money. Sure, sure, just the money, and the aristocratic pleasure of seeing him fall apart. You're a Roman, Bert. You have to win them all. +Could be. Well, Mr. Felson, maybe you could come out to my place some evening. We could play a few games of billiards. +We'll be there. Good, good. +Oh, we'll start small... a hundred dollars a game. You ever played billiards before? +I'm sure Mr. Felson knows what he's doing. Certainly you can afford a hundred dollars to find out. Deal the cards. +How much? Oh, about five hundred. +Oh, about five hundred. Do you really think you can beat him? +Do you really think you can beat him? Of course he thinks he can beat me, Bert. He wouldn't be playing me if he didn't. Right, Felson? +Of course he thinks he can beat me, Bert. He wouldn't be playing me if he didn't. Right, Felson? I didn't ask him can he beat you. I already know he can beat you. I asked him will he? With Eddie, that's two different things. +Have you noticed, Bert? This fellow here bears a striking resemblance to you. It seems as though you might have modeled for the artist. It's possible. +That seems a shame. The night is young. The night is two thousand dollars old. +Will you take a check, Bert? Cash. +Cash. How much do I owe you? +How much do I owe you? Twelve thousand. +Hey, mister. The name's Gordon. Bert Gordon. +The name's Gordon. Bert Gordon. Mister. You been sittin' in that spot for hours. Would you mind moving? It bothers me. +Stay with this kid. He's a loser. What did he say? +Okay? Sit down. +Make it twenty. Cut. +Cut. Deal. +Bourbon. J. T. S. Brown. Two. +I'm buyin'. Thought you only drank milk. +Thought you only drank milk. Only when I work. +Only when I work. Yeah? Why? +Yeah? Why? I like it. It's good for you. Besides, you start drinking whisky gambling and it gives you an excuse for losing. That's something you don't need -- an excuse for losing. How did you make out in the poker game? +I like it. It's good for you. Besides, you start drinking whisky gambling and it gives you an excuse for losing. That's something you don't need -- an excuse for losing. How did you make out in the poker game? I lost twenty bucks. +I lost twenty bucks. Poker's not your game. +Poker's not your game. What is? +What is? Pool. +Pool. You being cute? +You being cute? I don't think there's a pool player alive shoots better pool than I saw you shoot the other night at Ames. You got talent. +I don't think there's a pool player alive shoots better pool than I saw you shoot the other night at Ames. You got talent. So I got talent. So what beat me? +So I got talent. So what beat me? Character. +Character. Yeah. Sure, sure. +Yeah. Sure, sure. You're damned right I'm sure. Everybody's got talent. I got talent. You think you can play big-money straight pool, or poker, for forty straight hours on nothing but talent? You think they call Minnesota Fats the best in the country just 'cause he's got talent? Nah. Minnesota Fats's got more character in one finger than you got in your whole skinny body. +You're damned right I'm sure. Everybody's got talent. I got talent. You think you can play big-money straight pool, or poker, for forty straight hours on nothing but talent? You think they call Minnesota Fats the best in the country just 'cause he's got talent? Nah. Minnesota Fats's got more character in one finger than you got in your whole skinny body. I got drunk. +I got drunk. He drank as much whisky as you did. +He drank as much whisky as you did. Maybe he knows how to drink. +Maybe he knows how to drink. You bet he knows how. You think that's a talent too, huh? Knowin' how to drink whisky? You think Minnesota Fats was born knowin' how to drink? +You bet he knows how. You think that's a talent too, huh? Knowin' how to drink whisky? You think Minnesota Fats was born knowin' how to drink? Okay, okay... What do I do now, lie down on the floor and, uh, bow from the ankles? What do I do, go home? +Okay, okay... What do I do now, lie down on the floor and, uh, bow from the ankles? What do I do, go home? That's your problem. +That's your problem. So I stay. Stay until I hustle up enough to play Fats again. Maybe by that time I'll develop myself some character. +Maybe by that time you'll die of old age. How much do you think you'll, uh, need? A thousand. +A thousand. No, three thousand at least. He'll start you off at five hundred a game -- he'll beat the pants off you. That's the way he plays when he comes up against a man who knows the way the game is. He'll beat you flat four or five games -- maybe more, depending on how, uh... steady your nerves are. But he might -- he just might be a little scared of you, and that could change things. But I wouldn't count on it. +No, three thousand at least. He'll start you off at five hundred a game -- he'll beat the pants off you. That's the way he plays when he comes up against a man who knows the way the game is. He'll beat you flat four or five games -- maybe more, depending on how, uh... steady your nerves are. But he might -- he just might be a little scared of you, and that could change things. But I wouldn't count on it. How do you know? Huh? When nobody knows that much? +How do you know? Huh? When nobody knows that much? See that big car parked out by the fireplug on the way in? Well, that's mine. I like that car. But I get a new one every year because I make it my business to know what guys like you and Minnesota Fats are gonna do. I made enough off of you the other night to pay for it twice over. +See that big car parked out by the fireplug on the way in? Well, that's mine. I like that car. But I get a new one every year because I make it my business to know what guys like you and Minnesota Fats are gonna do. I made enough off of you the other night to pay for it twice over. In that case, you owe me another drink. +Eddie, is it all right if I get personal? Whaddya been so far? +Whaddya been so far? Eddie, you're a born loser. +Eddie, you're a born loser. What's that supposed to mean? +What's that supposed to mean? First time in ten years I ever saw Minnesota Fats hooked, really hooked. But you let him off. +First time in ten years I ever saw Minnesota Fats hooked, really hooked. But you let him off. I told you. I got drunk. +I told you. I got drunk. Sure, you got drunk. That's the best excuse in the world for losing. No trouble losing when you got a good excuse. And winning! That can be heavy on your back too. Like a monkey. You drop that load too when you got an excuse. All you gotta do is learn to feel sorry for yourself. It's one of the best indoor sports: feeling sorry for yourself -- a sport enjoyed by all, especially the born losers. +Sure, you got drunk. That's the best excuse in the world for losing. No trouble losing when you got a good excuse. And winning! That can be heavy on your back too. Like a monkey. You drop that load too when you got an excuse. All you gotta do is learn to feel sorry for yourself. It's one of the best indoor sports: feeling sorry for yourself -- a sport enjoyed by all, especially the born losers. Thanks for the drink. +Thanks for the drink. Wait a minute. Maybe I can help you. +Wait a minute. Maybe I can help you. To do what? +To do what? Get the three thousand. Play Minnesota Fats again. +Get the three thousand. Play Minnesota Fats again. Why? +Why? Ten reasons. Maybe fifteen. And also there's something in it for me. +Ten reasons. Maybe fifteen. And also there's something in it for me. Oh yeah, I figured that. How much? +Oh yeah, I figured that. How much? Seventy-five per cent. +Seventy-five per cent. For who? +For who? For me. +For me. That's a -- that's a pretty big slice. Who do you think you are, General Motors? +That's a -- that's a pretty big slice. Who do you think you are, General Motors? How much you think you're worth these days? I'm puttin' up the money, I'm puttin' up the time. For that I get seventy-five per cent return on my money -- if you win. +How much you think you're worth these days? I'm puttin' up the money, I'm puttin' up the time. For that I get seventy-five per cent return on my money -- if you win. You think I can lose? +You think I can lose? I never saw you do anything else. +I never saw you do anything else. You saw me beat Minnesota Fats for eighteen thousand dollars. +You saw me beat Minnesota Fats for eighteen thousand dollars. Look, you wanna hustle pool, don't you? This game isn't like football. Nobody pays you for yardage. When you hustle you keep score real simple. The end of the game you count up your money. That's how you find out who's best. That's the only way. +Look, you wanna hustle pool, don't you? This game isn't like football. Nobody pays you for yardage. When you hustle you keep score real simple. The end of the game you count up your money. That's how you find out who's best. That's the only way. Why back me then? Why not back yourself? Go find yourself a big fat poker game and get rich. You know all the angles. +Why back me then? Why not back yourself? Go find yourself a big fat poker game and get rich. You know all the angles. I'm already rich. But I like action. That's one thing I think you're good for is action. Besides, like I say... you got talent. +I'm already rich. But I like action. That's one thing I think you're good for is action. Besides, like I say... you got talent. Yeah, you already told me that. You cut that slice down to bite-size and maybe we can talk. +Yeah, you already told me that. You cut that slice down to bite-size and maybe we can talk. No, we don't talk. I don't make bad bets. Seventy-five, twenty-five. That's it. +No, we don't talk. I don't make bad bets. Seventy-five, twenty-five. That's it. Kiss off. +Hey, wait. What are you gonna do about the money? There are places. I'll scuffle around. +There are places. I'll scuffle around. Word's out on you, Eddie. You walk in the wrong kind of place and they'll eat you alive. +Word's out on you, Eddie. You walk in the wrong kind of place and they'll eat you alive. Now, when did you adopt me? +Now, when did you adopt me? I don't know when it was. +Hello, Eddie. Hi. How's business? +Hi. How's business? Ahh, slow... Why the open hand bridge? Something wrong with your hand? +Ahh, slow... Why the open hand bridge? Something wrong with your hand? Yeah. Had a little accident. A place called Arthur's. +Yeah. Had a little accident. A place called Arthur's. Oh. You seem to do all right that way. +Oh. You seem to do all right that way. I'd say my game is about twenty per cent off. Maybe more. +I'd say my game is about twenty per cent off. Maybe more. What happened? Somebody step on your hands? +What happened? Somebody step on your hands? Yeah. Big creep. Broke my thumbs. +Yeah. Big creep. Broke my thumbs. Man named Turk Baker? +Man named Turk Baker? You know everybody, don't you? +You know everybody, don't you? Everybody who can hurt me, everybody who can help me. It pays. +Everybody who can hurt me, everybody who can help me. It pays. Maybe you oughta give me lessons. +Maybe you oughta give me lessons. Sign up. +Sign up. Where do I sign? +Where do I sign? The first match I got in mind for you is in Louisville, Kentucky. +The first match I got in mind for you is in Louisville, Kentucky. You name the place, boss. I'll be there. +You name the place, boss. I'll be there. What happened to you anyway? +What happened to you anyway? Like I told ya. My thumbs. +Like I told ya. My thumbs. No, I don't mean the thumbs. You already told me about the thumbs. +No, I don't mean the thumbs. You already told me about the thumbs. I been thinking. +I been thinking. Thinking about what? +Thinking about what? Maybe I'm not such a high-class piece of property right now. And a twenty- five per cent slice of something big is better than a hundred per cent slice of nothin'. +Maybe I'm not such a high-class piece of property right now. And a twenty- five per cent slice of something big is better than a hundred per cent slice of nothin'. Hey, get us a couple of drinks here, will ya? J. T. S. Brown. +Sarah Packard... Bert Gordon. Miss Packard. How do you do? +James Findley is a very rich man. Grandfather left him twenty per cent of a tobacco company. What? And he -- he hustles pool? +What? And he -- he hustles pool? He's a gentleman. Gentleman gambler. He gets his kicks playing with hustlers. He's got an old Southern mansion with a pool table in the basement, drinks eight-year-old bourbon, smokes cork-tipped cigarettes. +He's a gentleman. Gentleman gambler. He gets his kicks playing with hustlers. He's got an old Southern mansion with a pool table in the basement, drinks eight-year-old bourbon, smokes cork-tipped cigarettes. How good is he? +How good is he? I don't know. Never saw him play. They say he's one of the best. +You must have a lot of confidence in me. I don't. But I got confidence in Findley. +I don't. But I got confidence in Findley. What's that supposed to mean? +What's that supposed to mean? Means I got confidence that he's a loser. All the way a loser. You happen to be about only one-half loser -- the other half, winner. I'm finished. +Here, I got it. No, no. When you play for me, I pick up all the tabs. +Fats knew the game was in the clutch, knew he had to do something to stop ya. He played it smart. I played that game, Bert. In my head I played it a thousand times. +I played that game, Bert. In my head I played it a thousand times. Play it again. Learn something. Fats went in the john, see? Washed his face, cleaned his fingernails, made his mind a blank, combed his hair, came back all ready to go. You were through. You saw him, you saw how he looked. Clean, all set to start all over again. Hold tight and push hard. You know what you were doing? You were waitin' to get beat. Flattened out on your butt, swimmin' around in glory. And whisky. Probably deciding how you could lose. +Fine. Good. I'd hate to think I was putting my money on a cripple. +Good. I'd hate to think I was putting my money on a cripple. Hey, whaddya say something like that for? +You know, that's real sweet music in there. You can almost smell the action and the money. You know, I can feel it right down in the bottom of my shoes. Come on, let's go... +Hey, Findley's here. Where? +Where? Over there by the bar. +Aren't you gonna go over and talk to him? Nah. Sit tight. He'll be over here. +So does Eddie. Well, I win sometimes. +What's the matter? What happened? It's all right. She had a little too much to drink, that's all. Forget it. Go upstairs and sleep it off. +Well, we won't. C'mon, Bert. Let me play him. +C'mon, Bert. Let me play him. How much? +Sure. You hustlin' me? +How do we stand? 'Bout even. +'Bout even. When do I raise the bet? +When do I raise the bet? I don't know. +I don't know. Bert, if that's his best game, I can beat him. +Bert, if that's his best game, I can beat him. Level with me, Eddie. You ever play billiards before? +Level with me, Eddie. You ever play billiards before? What's the difference? You got a pool cue, balls on the table. All you gotta do is get the feel of it. +I can beat him. All right. Five hundred. +I'll beat him the next game. How're the hands? +How're the hands? They're fine. +They're fine. Well, rack up your cue. We're leavin'. +Hey, Bert. Wait a minute! I said we're leavin'. +I can beat him, Bert. Now he suckered me 'cause he knows how to hustle. I didn't think he did. But I can outplay him. I can beat him. I don't believe you, Eddie. I think you're still a loser. +I don't believe you, Eddie. I think you're still a loser. All right, then. I'll play him with my own money. +Please don't get off me now. I know when to quit. You don't. Win or lose, you don't know when to quit. +I know when to quit. You don't. Win or lose, you don't know when to quit. What do you want me to do, huh? What do you want me to do? Just say it and you got it but PLEASE don't get off me now. +I wanna walk. It's a long walk. +It's a long walk. I got time, Bert. +I got time, Bert. You want me to tell her for you? +You want me to tell her for you? Tell her what? +Tell her what? You gotta be hard, Eddie. +Eddie?... YOU OWE ME MONEY! And just how do you figure that, Bert? What do you figure I owe you? +And just how do you figure that, Bert? What do you figure I owe you? Half. +Half. In Louisville it was seventy-five per cent. +In Louisville it was seventy-five per cent. Well, here it's half. +Well, here it's half. What if I don't pay ya, Bert? +What if I don't pay ya, Bert? You don't pay me? You gonna get your thumbs broken. And your fingers. And if I want them to, your right arm in three or four places. +So you figure you're still my manager, huh? I'm a businessman, kid. +I'm a businessman, kid. Well, you got a lot of games lined up for me? +Well, you got a lot of games lined up for me? Yeah, we're gonna make a lotta money together, from now on. +Yeah, we're gonna make a lotta money together, from now on. Fifty per cent? +Fifty per cent? No, it don't have to be fifty. It can be thirty... twenty-five. +No, it don't have to be fifty. It can be thirty... twenty-five. We really stuck the knife in her, didn't we, Bert? +We really stuck the knife in her, didn't we, Bert? Aaaahhhh! +Aaaahhhh! Boy, we really gave it to her good. +Boy, we really gave it to her good. If it didn't happen in Louisville, it'd happened someplace else. If it didn't happen now, it'd happen six months from now. That's the kinda dame she was. +If it didn't happen in Louisville, it'd happened someplace else. If it didn't happen now, it'd happen six months from now. That's the kinda dame she was. And we twisted it, didn't we, Bert? Course, maybe that doesn't stick in your throat cause you spit it out just like you spit out everything else. But it sticks in mine. I loved her, Bert. I traded her in on a pool game. But that wouldn't mean anything to you. Because who did you ever care about? Just win, win, you said, win, that's the important thing. You don't know what winnin' is, Bert. You're a loser. 'Cause you're dead inside, and you can't live unless you make everything else dead around ya. +Maybe. You want to play? No. Hell, no! You Eddie Felson? +No. Hell, no! You Eddie Felson? Who's he? +Who's he? What's your game? What do you shoot? +What's your game? What do you shoot? You name it, we shoot it. +You name it, we shoot it. Look, friend, I'm not trying to hustle. I don't never hustle people that walk into poolrooms with leather satchels. Don't try to hustle me. +Look, friend, I'm not trying to hustle. I don't never hustle people that walk into poolrooms with leather satchels. Don't try to hustle me. Okay, I'm Eddie Felson. I shoot straight pool. You got any straight pool shooters in this here poolroom? +Okay, I'm Eddie Felson. I shoot straight pool. You got any straight pool shooters in this here poolroom? What kind of straight pool game you like? +What kind of straight pool game you like? The expensive kind. +The expensive kind. Come up here to play straight pool with Minnesota Fats? +Come up here to play straight pool with Minnesota Fats? Yeah, that's right. +Yeah, that's right. Want some free advice? +He's my partner. You well-heeled, partner? +You got that wrong, mister. I am. Okay, I told you what I wanted about Minnesota Fats. You just go ahead and play him, friend. +Okay, I told you what I wanted about Minnesota Fats. You just go ahead and play him, friend. Just tell me where I can find him, friend. +Just tell me where I can find him, friend. Comes right in this poolroom every night, eight o'clock on the nose. Just stay where you are. He'll find you. +Druggist supplies. Buster here is gonna get an award. No, he sold seventeen thousand bucks' worth of stuff last month. Fastest boy in the territory. Yep. Fastest and the bestest... Hey, give us another round, will ya? One for him, one for yourself. +It's gonna cost ya money. It always does. Oh, come on, stop stalling. Grab yourself a cue. +You ought to take up crap shooting. Talk about luck! Luck! Whaddya mean, luck? +Luck! Whaddya mean, luck? You know what I mean. You couldn't make that shot again in a million years. +You know what I mean. You couldn't make that shot again in a million years. I couldn't, huh? Okay. Go ahead. Set 'em up the way they were before. +I couldn't, huh? Okay. Go ahead. Set 'em up the way they were before. Why? +Why? Go ahead. Set 'em up the way they were before. Bet ya twenty bucks. Make that shot just the way I made it before. +Go ahead. Set 'em up the way they were before. Bet ya twenty bucks. Make that shot just the way I made it before. Nobody can make that shot and you know it. Not even a lucky lush. +Set 'em up again... C'mon, set 'em up again. You're drunk, boy. I'm not gonna bet ya any more. +You're drunk, boy. I'm not gonna bet ya any more. Whaddya mean? +Whaddya mean? Let's get back on the road. You gotta be at that convention in the morning. +Let's get back on the road. You gotta be at that convention in the morning. Up the flagpole with the convention. C'mon, Charlie. You're into me now. I got my money on the table. +Up the flagpole with the convention. C'mon, Charlie. You're into me now. I got my money on the table. I don't want it. +Well... well, now. Don't be a chump. Don't bet any more money on that damn fool shot. +Don't be a chump. Don't bet any more money on that damn fool shot. Well, now... I mean, you figure I'm a little drunk, and I'm loaded on the hip, and you just want in, real friendly, while the money's still floating, huh? Okay... Go ahead. Set 'em up. +It's quiet. Yeah, like a church. Church of the Good Hustler. +Yeah, like a church. Church of the Good Hustler. Looks more like a morgue to me. Those pool tables are the slabs they lay the stiffs on. +Looks more like a morgue to me. Those pool tables are the slabs they lay the stiffs on. I'll be alive when I get out, Charlie. +Ten grand. I'm gonna win ten grand in one night. ...Well, who's gonna beat me? C'mon, Charlie, who's gonna beat me? Okay... Okay. Nobody can beat you. +Okay... Okay. Nobody can beat you. Ten grand! I mean, what other poolroom is there in the country where a guy can walk out with ten grand in one night? Jeez, you know, I can remember hustling an old man for a dime a game. +How do you feel? Fast and loose, man. +Fast and loose, man. In the gut, I mean. +In the gut, I mean. I feel tight -- but good. +Quit. He's too good. Charlie, I'm gonna take him. +Hey, how much are we ahead? Approximately? One thousand bucks. +Approximately? One thousand bucks. Fats, let's you and I shoot a game of pool for a thousand dollars a game. +How much we got? Eleven thousand four hundred, cash. Here in my pocket. +Eleven thousand four hundred, cash. Here in my pocket. Preacher, go on down and get me some breakfast, will ya? Egg sandwich and a cup of coffee. You want something, Charlie? +Preacher, go on down and get me some breakfast, will ya? Egg sandwich and a cup of coffee. You want something, Charlie? Now wait a minute. You're coming with me. You're gonna eat breakfast at the hotel. Pool game is over. +Now wait a minute. You're coming with me. You're gonna eat breakfast at the hotel. Pool game is over. No, it isn't, Charlie. +No, it isn't, Charlie. Eddie... +Eddie... The pool game is over when Fats says it's over. +The pool game is over when Fats says it's over. You wanted ten thousand? You got ten thousand. +You wanted ten thousand? You got ten thousand. Ah, get with it, will ya, Charlie? +Ah, get with it, will ya, Charlie? Get with what? +Get with what? You can't see it, can you, Charlie? I mean, you've never been able to see it. I came after him. And I'm gonna get him. I'm goin' with him all the way. The pool game is not over until Minnesota Fats says it's over. Is it over, Fats? +Twenty-five hours, Eddie. Twenty- five hours you been playin' straight. Give me a drink, will ya? +Give me a drink, will ya? You don't need a drink. +You don't need a drink. Will you shut up... Just give me a drink. +What are you trying to do, Eddie? You beat him. You beat him bad. You wanna kill yourself? What are ya, chicken, Charlie? +What are ya, chicken, Charlie? Well, maybe that's it. I'm chicken. +Well, maybe that's it. I'm chicken. Go on home. Just leave me the money. +Go on home. Just leave me the money. Go to hell. +Go to hell. Charlie, boy, you better give me that money. C'mon now, give it to me. It's mine. +Charlie, boy, you better give me that money. C'mon now, give it to me. It's mine. Okay, here... Be a damn fool. +Is this all we got left? If that's all you got, that's all we got left. +Hello, Charlie... C'mon in... That's my girl. Hello, Eddie's girl... I looked all over for you. +Hello, Eddie's girl... I looked all over for you. Oh yeah? How'd you find me? +Oh yeah? How'd you find me? I asked around. +Oh, I don't want to be no bother to nobody. Oh, don't play it small, Charlie. It don't look good on you. +Oh, don't play it small, Charlie. It don't look good on you. How do you want me to play it? I'm broke. +How do you want me to play it? I'm broke. So am I... Sit down. Would you get us a couple of drinks? +You walked out on me like that. No goodbye, no nothing. Like a thief in the dark. We were partners. We were more than partners. He was like a... like -- A son. +A son. "Yeah, yeah, like a son. I've known this boy since he was sixteen. The first time I saw him, back in Oakland, I said, ""This is a talented boy. This is a smart boy.""" +"Yeah, yeah, like a son. I've known this boy since he was sixteen. The first time I saw him, back in Oakland, I said, ""This is a talented boy. This is a smart boy.""" Talk to me, Charlie. +Talk to me, Charlie. I want you to come back on the road with me. +I want you to come back on the road with me. Aah! I've got no stomach for that any more. I've had that kind of life. +Aah! I've got no stomach for that any more. I've had that kind of life. What kind of life have you got here? Scufflin' around the small rooms, picking up eight, ten bucks a day? +What kind of life have you got here? Scufflin' around the small rooms, picking up eight, ten bucks a day? I'll connect. I'll get you your money back. +I'll connect. I'll get you your money back. Are you figuring on going back to Ames to play Minnesota Fats again? Is that what's on your mind? +Are you figuring on going back to Ames to play Minnesota Fats again? Is that what's on your mind? Never been out of it. I'm gonna beat that fat man... with that curly hair, and those diamond rings, and that carnation. +Never been out of it. I'm gonna beat that fat man... with that curly hair, and those diamond rings, and that carnation. This boy's crazy. They wiped the floor with him. They beat his brains out and he wants to go back. What for? To take another beating? +This boy's crazy. They wiped the floor with him. They beat his brains out and he wants to go back. What for? To take another beating? I told you you'd get your money back. +I told you you'd get your money back. He thinks I care about the money. I care about you. Do you care about me, Eddie? We're together a long time, night and day. So how do you say goodbye? You gimme the car and a hundred bucks. You think I care about the dough, the car? I care about you. This boy is the greatest pool hustler you ever saw. A real high-class con man. He can charm anybody into anything. Did he ever tell you how well we were doing on the road? We had everything: we ate good, we slept late, we had money to burn. Whisky, dames... Excuse me... I'll tell you what -- take her along. +With what? Don't worry about it. I'll raise the money. +Don't worry about it. I'll raise the money. Oh yeah? Where? +Oh yeah? Where? What's the difference where? I'll raise it. Is it all right if I have another drink? +HOW MUCH?! My twenty-five per cent. Approximately fifteen hundred bucks. +My twenty-five per cent. Approximately fifteen hundred bucks. Oh, you crumb. With that fifteen hundred I coulda beat him. That's all I needed, Charlie. +Oh, you crumb. With that fifteen hundred I coulda beat him. That's all I needed, Charlie. Aw, Eddie. +Aw, Eddie. C'mon, c'mon, just give me the money. +C'mon, c'mon, just give me the money. What for? To play Fats again? +What for? To play Fats again? Yeah, to play Fats again. +Yeah, to play Fats again. You wanna come back on the road with me, okay, the money's yours. But if you wanna give it to Minnesota Fats... nothing doing. What do you say? +You wanna come back on the road with me, okay, the money's yours. But if you wanna give it to Minnesota Fats... nothing doing. What do you say? You still don't see it, do you, Charlie? You are nothing but a small- time Charlie. You'd love to keep me hustling for you, huh? Wouldn't ya? I mean, a couple more years with me, scuffling around them little towns and those back alleys. You might make yourself enough to get a little poolroom back in Oakland. Six tables and a handbook on the side. Is that when you say goodbye to me, Charlie? +You still don't see it, do you, Charlie? You are nothing but a small- time Charlie. You'd love to keep me hustling for you, huh? Wouldn't ya? I mean, a couple more years with me, scuffling around them little towns and those back alleys. You might make yourself enough to get a little poolroom back in Oakland. Six tables and a handbook on the side. Is that when you say goodbye to me, Charlie? Is that what you think? +Is that what you think? Yeah, that's what I think. +Yeah, that's what I think. All right. That's what I want. Poolroom with a little handbook on the side. Getting old. +All right. That's what I want. Poolroom with a little handbook on the side. Getting old. Lay down and die by yourself. Don't take me with you. +Just like that? Yeah. Just like that. +No, no more for me. Well, hello. Haven't seen you in a long time. +Findley. Glad to meet you. +Glad to meet you. And I you. I think I've heard about you, Mr. Felson. You play pocket billiards, don't you? +And I you. I think I've heard about you, Mr. Felson. You play pocket billiards, don't you? Now and then. Why, do you? +Now and then. Why, do you? A little, although I'm afraid I generally lose. +I'll bet you do, Mr. Felson. I'll just bet you do. How much? +How much? Bert, I believe Mr. Felson's making a proposition. +When? You're very direct, Mr. Felson. +You're very direct, Mr. Felson. That's right. When? +That's right. When? Would you like to come out tonight? +Would you like to come out tonight? What time? +What time? I'm having some people over for drinks right after the races. Why don't you all come over? Then about nine, ten o'clock we can play. +You gentlemen care for a drink? No, none for me. Come on, let's play. +No, none for me. Come on, let's play. By all means. +I thought we came here to play pool. I don't play pool, Mr. Felson. I play billiards. My house, my game. You don't have to play if you don't want to. +Beautiful shot, Felson. Beautiful. You've played billiards before, Mr. Felson. Ah, you gentlemen sure you don't care for a drink? Oh no, nothing for me. +Like to raise the stakes, Mr. Felson? Okay? +There it is. I'm broke. Ah, that's unfortunate, Mr. Felson. +Ah, that's unfortunate, Mr. Felson. For who, Mr. Findley? ...Bert, he only beat me by one point. Now, you can't get off me now. +Here. Been an interestin' evening. Yeah, sure has. +Yeah, sure has. Charles, will you call a cab for these gentlemen, please. I'd show you to the door, but I... +Charles, will you call a cab for these gentlemen, please. I'd show you to the door, but I... Oh yeah, yeah. You're tired. And beat. +Oh yeah, yeah. You're tired. And beat. Yeah. You must come again. +Yeah. You must come again. Yeah. Sure. +Hey, uh, mister? Hey, okay if I grab a cue? Hey, you're Eddie Felson, aren't you? +Hey, you're Eddie Felson, aren't you? Who's he? +Who's he? Now, look, fella, I saw you playing at Ames the other night. +Now, look, fella, I saw you playing at Ames the other night. Hey, I'll tell you what -- I'll play you jack-up pool -- just keep one hand in my pocket. +Hey, I'll tell you what -- I'll play you jack-up pool -- just keep one hand in my pocket. Oh man, you're way out of our league. +What's the limit? Half and a dollar. +Half and a dollar. Gimme ten bucks. +Gimme ten bucks. Ten dollars. +Hi. Hi. +How much you playin' for? A dollar on the five, two on the nine. +A dollar on the five, two on the nine. Yeah, I'll play you a couple. Just for kicks. +Yeah, I'll play you a couple. Just for kicks. Okay, friend. +You quittin' too? You're a pretty good player. +You're a pretty good player. How much are you ahead? +How much are you ahead? Couple of bucks. +Couple of bucks. I guess it's just you and me, huh? +I guess it's just you and me, huh? Yeah, I guess it is, boy. Just you and me. +Yeah, I guess it is, boy. Just you and me. You wanna raise the bet? Two on the five, five on the nine? +You wanna raise the bet? Two on the five, five on the nine? You know what, kid? I think maybe you're a hustler. +You know what, kid? I think maybe you're a hustler. Try me. +Try me. Shoot. +Shoot. Okay. +You sure you don't want to quit, friend? Let's cut out the small stuff, huh? Hundred dollar freeze-out. Ten games, ten bucks a game, winner take all. And then we'll see who quits. +Let's cut out the small stuff, huh? Hundred dollar freeze-out. Ten games, ten bucks a game, winner take all. And then we'll see who quits. Okay, friend. You're on. +Okay, friend. You're on. Call it. +Call it. Heads. +You better not miss, friend. I don't rattle, kid. But just for that I'm gonna beat you flat. +You quittin', friend? Yeah, I'm quittin'. +Long wait for a bus? Yes. +How long you been waiting? What? +What? How long have you been waiting? +How long have you been waiting? Since four. +Just a cup of black coffee, please... Hey, ma'am! Wait a minute! Would you, uh, like another cup? Fine, thanks. +What time does the bus leave? What bus? +What bus? Yours. +Yours. Eight o'clock. +That wouldn't give us much time, would it? Well, you're right. I guess it wouldn't. +Have a nice trip. Thanks. I will. +Have a nice trip? Fair. +Fair. Can I sit down? +Can I sit down? Why not? We already know each other's secrets. +Why not? We already know each other's secrets. Thanks for the, uh, for the breakfast. +Thanks for the, uh, for the breakfast. Two ships that pass in the night should always buy each other breakfast. +Two ships that pass in the night should always buy each other breakfast. Can I buy you another drink? +It's the lights. And the scotch. How come you didn't catch your bus? +How come you didn't catch your bus? I wasn't waiting for a bus. +I wasn't waiting for a bus. Then why go to the bus station? +Then why go to the bus station? Same reason you went: at that hour of the morning you haven't much choice. Besides, I only live three blocks from there. Where do you live? +Same reason you went: at that hour of the morning you haven't much choice. Besides, I only live three blocks from there. Where do you live? Around. +Around. I know where you live: in a locker, in a bus station. What's it like living in a locker? +I know where you live: in a locker, in a bus station. What's it like living in a locker? Cramped. You always drink like this, so early in the morning? +Cramped. You always drink like this, so early in the morning? Do you always ask so many questions? +Do you always ask so many questions? No, not always. +No, not always. Sometimes I wake up and I can't sleep, not without a drink. The bars don't open until eight. Mack over there has faith in me. When I'm broke, he trusts me. Don't you trust me, Mack? +You talk kind of funny, but I like it. I used to be an actress. +I used to be an actress. Yeah? What do you do now? +Yeah? What do you do now? I'm a college girl. Two days a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I go to college. +I'm a college girl. Two days a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I go to college. You don't look like a college girl. +You don't look like a college girl. I'm the emancipated type. Real emancipated. +I'm the emancipated type. Real emancipated. No, I didn't mean that -- whatever that means. I mean, you just don't look young enough. +No, I didn't mean that -- whatever that means. I mean, you just don't look young enough. I'm not. +I'm not. So why go to college? +So why go to college? I've got nothing else to do on Tuesdays and Thursdays. +I've got nothing else to do on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What do you do on the other days? +What do you do on the other days? I drink. +I drink. Hey! +Hey! No. No more. I'm getting sleepy. Thank you very much, Mr...? +No. No more. I'm getting sleepy. Thank you very much, Mr...? Eddie. The name is Eddie. +Eddie. The name is Eddie. The name should be Eddie. What should my name be? +The name should be Eddie. What should my name be? I don't know. Whatever you like it to be. +I don't know. Whatever you like it to be. I like it to be what it is. It's Sarah. That's a biblical name. You want to know its meaning? +I like it to be what it is. It's Sarah. That's a biblical name. You want to know its meaning? I could always get us a bottle. +I could always get us a bottle. No. +No. Fifth of scotch? +Fifth of scotch? What do you want me to do, just step out in the alley? Is that it? +What do you want me to do, just step out in the alley? Is that it? No. I'll take you home. +Why did you do that? I wanted to see what kind of a day it is. +I wanted to see what kind of a day it is. A day like any other. People come, people go. +A day like any other. People come, people go. Give me a drag. +What time is it? Eleven o'clock... I'll be back later. +Eleven o'clock... I'll be back later. Why? +Why? Come here. +Oh, you need a shave. You mustn't go looking like that. There's a razor and shaving cream in the bathroom. Compliments of the house. What did you say that for, Sarah? +What did you say that for, Sarah? How did you know my name was Sarah? +How did you know my name was Sarah? You told me. +You told me. I lied. When I'm drunk I lie. +I lied. When I'm drunk I lie. Okay. So what's your name today? +Okay. So what's your name today? Sarah. Eddie, look. I've got troubles, and I think maybe you've got troubles. Maybe it'd be better if we just leave each other alone. +I got my things over at the hotel. I'll bring them over later... Come here. I'm not sure... I don't know. +I'm not sure... I don't know. Well, what do you want to know? And why? +Where you been all day? At school. It's Thursday. +At school. It's Thursday. Oh, I forgot. +You were asleep when I left. I didn't want to wake you. Did you go out? Yeah, I went out for a couple of hours. +"You know, I've been living here for almost three years. Now in three days it seems as if I know everybody. When I pass people on the street I want to stop and say, ""Listen, I got a fella.""" Thanks. +Thanks. Eddie, where do you go when you go out? +Eddie, where do you go when you go out? Museums... art galleries... concerts. +Well, I believe you when you say you go to school. You want to go with me? +You want to go with me? What, are you kidding? See that book? I've been trying to get through that book ever since I first got here. I haven't finished the first chapter. Did you read all them books? +What, are you kidding? See that book? I've been trying to get through that book ever since I first got here. I haven't finished the first chapter. Did you read all them books? Mm hmm. +Mm hmm. You got it all in your head? +You got it all in your head? When I'm sober. They get a little mixed up when I'm drunk. Most of the time they're mixed up. +When I'm sober. They get a little mixed up when I'm drunk. Most of the time they're mixed up. Oh, stop talking about yourself like you're a lush or something. I don't like it. Maybe you ought to go to a clinic, get some treatments. +Oh, stop talking about yourself like you're a lush or something. I don't like it. Maybe you ought to go to a clinic, get some treatments. I'm getting treatments right here. +I'm hungry. Take your choice. I've got enough so we won't have to go out of the house till Tuesday. +Take your choice. I've got enough so we won't have to go out of the house till Tuesday. What did all this stuff cost you? +What did all this stuff cost you? When you've got money, you'll pay. +When you've got money, you'll pay. No, c'mon, I wanna know. I wanna keep score. +No, c'mon, I wanna know. I wanna keep score. The bills are right here. You didn't say what you wanted. +The bills are right here. You didn't say what you wanted. Don't you ever cook anything? +Don't you ever cook anything? Eggs. How do you like them? +Eggs. How do you like them? Raw. +Oh, cut my finger. I've got something in my bag. +I've got something in my bag. Oh, it's not bad. +Eddie, what's in that case? Haven't you opened it? +Haven't you opened it? No, why should I? It's yours. +No, why should I? It's yours. It's a machine gun. This guy told me when I came to the big city I'd have to have a machine gun, so I bought one. Where do you get the money? To pay for all this? I mean the liquor, and the groceries, and the rent? +It's a machine gun. This guy told me when I came to the big city I'd have to have a machine gun, so I bought one. Where do you get the money? To pay for all this? I mean the liquor, and the groceries, and the rent? From a rich old man who used to be my lover. +Do you want me to go? No, stick around. Can I get you something? Drink? Coffee? +You going out? Yeah. For a little while. +What are you writing? Oh, it's a story. A story I'm making up. +Give it to me. What's this supposed to mean? +What's this supposed to mean? Give it back to me. +Give it back to me. "What's this supposed to mean: ""We have a contract of depravity. All we have to do is pull the blinds down.""" +You told Charlie to lay down and die. Will you say that to me too? What happens, Eddie? You'll find yourself another rich old lover. +You'll find yourself another rich old lover. That's right! And I'm sure you'll help me. +Who is it? Me. It's Eddie. +What happened? I got beat up. They... They broke my thumbs. +You can read it, if you want to. You want to go out for a while? To a movie? You wanna drink? +You wanna drink? No. You? +No. You? What's it so hot in here for? +Sarah, do you think I'm a loser? A loser? +A loser? Yeah. I met this guy -- Gordon, Bert Gordon. He said I was. Born loser. +Yeah. I met this guy -- Gordon, Bert Gordon. He said I was. Born loser. Would he know? +Would he know? He knows. A lot. +He knows. A lot. Why did he tell you? +Why did he tell you? I don't know. I'm not sure. He said there are people who want to lose, who are always looking for an excuse to lose. +I don't know. I'm not sure. He said there are people who want to lose, who are always looking for an excuse to lose. What does he do, this Bert Gordon? +What does he do, this Bert Gordon? He's a gambler. +He's a gambler. Is he a winner? +Is he a winner? Well, he owns things. +Well, he owns things. Is that what makes a winner? +Is that what makes a winner? Well, what else does? +Well, what else does? Does it bother you? What he said? +Does it bother you? What he said? Yeah. Yeah. It bothers me a lot. 'Cause, you see, twice, Sarah -- once at Ames with Minnesota Fats and then again at Arthur's... ...in that cheap, crummy poolroom... Now, why'd I do it, Sarah? Why'd I do it? I coulda beat that guy, I coulda beat him cold. He never woulda known. But I just had to show 'em, I just had to show those creeps and those punks what the game is like when it's great, when it's really great. You know, like anything can be great -- anything can be great... I don't care, bricklaying can be great. If a guy knows. If he knows what he's doing and why, and if he can make it come off. I mean, when I'm goin' -- when I'm really goin' -- I feel like... ...like a jockey must feel. He's sittin' on his horse, he's got all that speed and that power underneath him, he's comin' into the stretch, the pressure's on him -- and he knows -- just feels -- when to let it go, and how much. 'Cause he's got everything workin' for him -- timing, touch. It's a great feeling, boy, it's a real great feeling when you're right, and you know you're right. It's like all of a sudden I got oil in my arm. Pool cue's part of me. You know, it's a -- pool cue's got nerves in it. It's a piece of wood -- it's got nerves in it. You feel the roll of those balls. You don't have to look. You just know. Ya make shots that nobody's ever made before. And you play that game the way nobody's ever played it before. +Yeah. Yeah. It bothers me a lot. 'Cause, you see, twice, Sarah -- once at Ames with Minnesota Fats and then again at Arthur's... ...in that cheap, crummy poolroom... Now, why'd I do it, Sarah? Why'd I do it? I coulda beat that guy, I coulda beat him cold. He never woulda known. But I just had to show 'em, I just had to show those creeps and those punks what the game is like when it's great, when it's really great. You know, like anything can be great -- anything can be great... I don't care, bricklaying can be great. If a guy knows. If he knows what he's doing and why, and if he can make it come off. I mean, when I'm goin' -- when I'm really goin' -- I feel like... ...like a jockey must feel. He's sittin' on his horse, he's got all that speed and that power underneath him, he's comin' into the stretch, the pressure's on him -- and he knows -- just feels -- when to let it go, and how much. 'Cause he's got everything workin' for him -- timing, touch. It's a great feeling, boy, it's a real great feeling when you're right, and you know you're right. It's like all of a sudden I got oil in my arm. Pool cue's part of me. You know, it's a -- pool cue's got nerves in it. It's a piece of wood -- it's got nerves in it. You feel the roll of those balls. You don't have to look. You just know. Ya make shots that nobody's ever made before. And you play that game the way nobody's ever played it before. You're not a loser, Eddie. You're a winner. Some men never get to feel that way about anything. I love you, Eddie. +You know, someday, Sarah, you're gonna settle down. You're gonna marry a college professor, and you're gonna write a great book. Maybe about me, huh? Fast Eddie Felson, hustler. I love you. +I love you. You need the words? +You need the words? Yes, I need them very much. And if you ever say them I'll never let you take them back. +You glad? Yes, I'm glad. +Sherry. Very old, very dry. Two. Sherry?... Nice joint. You look very pretty. +Two. Sherry?... Nice joint. You look very pretty. I feel pretty. +Well, what's so funny? Your tie. I never saw you wear one before. +Your tie. I never saw you wear one before. First time for everything. +What is it, Eddie? Nothin'. Want another drink? +Nothin'. Want another drink? What do you want to tell me? +What do you want to tell me? Well, I, uh, I'll be leaving town for a little while. +Well, I, uh, I'll be leaving town for a little while. For how long? +For how long? Oh, I don't know. +Oh, I don't know. A week? A year? +A week? A year? More like a week. Look, I'll be back. +More like a week. Look, I'll be back. Sure. Let's go home. +No, I want to walk. Come here. Come on, now. +Don't you want to know where I'm going? No. Yes, I want to know what for. But I don't want to ask. +No. Yes, I want to know what for. But I don't want to ask. I'm going to Kentucky. To Louisville. With a friend. Try to make some money. I need it, the money. I'll be leaving early in the morning. +I'm going to Kentucky. To Louisville. With a friend. Try to make some money. I need it, the money. I'll be leaving early in the morning. Leave now. +Leave now. Oh, grow up. +Oh, grow up. Why should I? +Why should I? Sarah, I'm going to Kentucky to play pool, with a guy by the name of Findley. Now, I need the action and I need the money. I told you I'd be back. +Sarah, I'm going to Kentucky to play pool, with a guy by the name of Findley. Now, I need the action and I need the money. I told you I'd be back. If you were going to come back you wouldn't have taken me out tonight. You wouldn't have bought this dress. You're hustling me, Eddie. You've never stopped hustling me. +If you were going to come back you wouldn't have taken me out tonight. You wouldn't have bought this dress. You're hustling me, Eddie. You've never stopped hustling me. Now, I never hustled you. Even when I thought I was. You know it. +Now, I never hustled you. Even when I thought I was. You know it. What do you want me to do? Just sit here and wait? Faithful little Sarah. Pull the shades down and sit. When you feel like coming back, you'll come back. And you'll love me. And then you'll go away again. Is that your idea of love? +What do you want me to do? Just sit here and wait? Faithful little Sarah. Pull the shades down and sit. When you feel like coming back, you'll come back. And you'll love me. And then you'll go away again. Is that your idea of love? I got no idea of love. And neither have you. I mean, neither one of us would know what it was if we saw it coming down the street. +I got no idea of love. And neither have you. I mean, neither one of us would know what it was if we saw it coming down the street. I'd know it, Eddie. I'd know. For God's sakes, what are you trying to do to me? I love you. +I'd know it, Eddie. I'd know. For God's sakes, what are you trying to do to me? I love you. Well, what's your idea of love? Chains? +Well, what's your idea of love? Chains? No. I made you up, didn't I, Eddie? You weren't real. I made you up, like everything else. There was no car crash, Eddie. When I was five, I had polio. I was never an actress. The rich old man is my father. He walked out on us when I was seven. He sends me a check every month. That's how he buys his way out of my life. The men I've known... after they left, I'd say they weren't real, I made them up. But you, Eddie. I wanted you to be real. +Fifty-seven. I'll be up later. +Where's Bert? He went off someplace. +He went off someplace. Well, that old lovin' horse paid twenty-two forty. Let's see... two hundred I won from the jockey last night. And today at the track... I got five hundred and forty bucks. Here, you hold it. +Well, that old lovin' horse paid twenty-two forty. Let's see... two hundred I won from the jockey last night. And today at the track... I got five hundred and forty bucks. Here, you hold it. Why? +Why? Just for luck. +If you don't mind I think I'll stay at the hotel. Well, what's the matter? +Well, what's the matter? I'm a little tired. +Go on back to the hotel. Please, Eddie, don't beg him. +Please, Eddie, don't beg him. Would you go on back to the hotel? Take a cab, go on back to the hotel. +Would you go on back to the hotel? Take a cab, go on back to the hotel. Doesn't all of this come through to you, Eddie? Doesn't any of this mean anything to you? That man, this place, the people. They wear masks, Eddie. And underneath the masks they're perverted, twisted, crippled. +Doesn't all of this come through to you, Eddie? Doesn't any of this mean anything to you? That man, this place, the people. They wear masks, Eddie. And underneath the masks they're perverted, twisted, crippled. Shut up. +Don't wear a mask, Eddie. You don't have to. That's Turk, Eddie, the man who broke your thumbs. Only he's not going to break your thumbs. He'll break your heart, your guts. And for the same reason -- 'cause he hates you, 'cause of what you are. 'Cause of what you have and he hasn't. Would you get off my back, Sarah? Once and for all, will you get out, will you GET OFF MY BACK?! +Now and then. You know how it is. You're, uh, you're Minnesota Fats, aren't you? You know, uh, they say Minnesota Fats is the best in the country out where I come from. +You're, uh, you're Minnesota Fats, aren't you? You know, uh, they say Minnesota Fats is the best in the country out where I come from. Is that a fact? +Is that a fact? Yes sir, boy, they, heh, they say that old Fats just shoots the eyes right off them balls. +Yes sir, boy, they, heh, they say that old Fats just shoots the eyes right off them balls. Where do you come from? +Where do you come from? California. Oakland. +California. Oakland. California? Is your name Felson? Eddie Felson? +California? Is your name Felson? Eddie Felson? That's right. +That's right. I hear you've been looking for me. +I hear you've been looking for me. Yeah. That's right, too. +Yeah. That's right, too. Big John! You think this boy is a hustler? +Do you like to gamble, Eddie? Gamble money on pool games? Fats, let's you and I shoot a game of straight pool. +Fats, let's you and I shoot a game of straight pool. Hundred dollars? +Hundred dollars? Well, you shoot big-time pool, Fats. I mean, that's what everybody says, you shoot big-time pool. Let's make it two hundred dollars a game. +Well, you shoot big-time pool, Fats. I mean, that's what everybody says, you shoot big-time pool. Let's make it two hundred dollars a game. Now I know why they call you Fast Eddie. Eddie, you talk my kind of talk... Sausage! Rack 'em up! +Boy, he is great! Jeez, that old fat man. Look at the way he moves. Like a dancer. Twelve. Cross side. +And them fingers, them chubby fingers. And that stroke. It's like he's, uh, like he's playing a violin or something. Nine ball. Three ball. +Your shot. You miss? Well, you don't leave much when you miss, do you, fat man? +You miss? Well, you don't leave much when you miss, do you, fat man? That's what the game's all about. +That's what the game's all about. Mm hm... Two ball, side pocket. +Very good shot. You know I gotta hunch, fat man. I gotta hunch it's me from here on in... One ball, corner pocket. I mean, that ever happen to you? When all of a sudden you feel like you can't miss? I dreamed about this game, fat man. I dreamed about this game every night on the road... five ball... You know, this is my table, man. I own it. +Preach! Go down and get me some White Tavern whisky, a glass, and some ice. Preacher! Go on down and get me some bourbon. J. T. S. Brown. No ice, no glass. +Preacher! Go on down and get me some bourbon. J. T. S. Brown. No ice, no glass. Preach... get it at Johnny's. You got a bet. +Fats, I got about two hundred dollars here. Game's over, Eddie. +Game's over, Eddie. Fats, look, I got about two hundred dollars here. You can't run out on me. +Fats, look, I got about two hundred dollars here. You can't run out on me. You watch me. +I came to play pool, Fats. That's good, Eddie. For how much? +That's good, Eddie. For how much? You name it. +You name it. Thousand dollars a game. +Thousand dollars a game. Let's make it three thousand dollars a game, Fats. C'mon, three thousand dollars. That's my bankroll, my life's savings. What's the matter, Fats? All you gotta do is beat me the first game and I'm on my way back to Oakland. +Let's make it three thousand dollars a game, Fats. C'mon, three thousand dollars. That's my bankroll, my life's savings. What's the matter, Fats? All you gotta do is beat me the first game and I'm on my way back to Oakland. Let's go. +Shoot pool, Fast Eddie. I'm shootin' pool, Fats. When I miss you can shoot. +I quit, Eddie. I can't beat you. Willie, give him the stakes. You got yourself a pool player. Preacher, gimme my coat, will ya? +...you shoot a great game of pool. So do you, Fast Eddie. +You -- think I am -- I'm -- -- an animal. No. +I can't live like you do -- all your machines and -- cold metal and sharp corners -- You lived like this once. +You lived like this once. That is not now, human! +That is not now, human! My name is Robert. +It is not arguing to speak the truth. Listen to me, my blood somehow... helped you. It could help all of you. We could find some way to -- +Are you all right? Yes. +Yes. Do you want to go on? +How much do you remember? It comes back. Flashes. My name. +Do you remember where you lived? It was warm. I was outside. The ocean? +It was warm. I was outside. The ocean? What about... now? +What about... now? With them? +With them? Yes. +Yes. We move. Place to place. +When you're here, in the city, where do you live? Dark and large. With vines -- no, not vines. Not alive. +Who is this? My wife. +"Was this -- ""beautiful?"" Before?" Yes. +Do you remember where it is? What? +What? Where you lived with them. +You want to find them. Yes. +Yes. You want to kill them. +Why don't you start with me? You're not them. +What choice did I have -- ?! You hunt us like animals -- do you know how many you have slaughtered?! +You hunt us like animals -- do you know how many you have slaughtered?! I only protect myself -- ! +I only protect myself -- ! You are The Human. The Hunter. The thing that comes in the day and kills -- +You are The Human. The Hunter. The thing that comes in the day and kills -- If I'm a hunter it's because you taught me to be! +What do you want? What do you mean? +What do you mean? You know what I mean. +Will you keep feeding me? How long can you live like that? Until it kills you? Until I kill you? Without your blood I'll go back. We don't know that -- +We don't know that -- I know it. What do you want, Robert? +Mine. Have you always had it? +Have you always had it? I don't know. +I don't know. Have you looked inside? +Have you looked inside? Yes. +Yes. What's inside? +What's inside? Humans. +Humans. Who? +Who? I don't know. +That's who you are too, Emma. Before... when I was one of them. I would look at this and it was just strangers. Now I... remember. +You want me to stay? Yes. +Do you still want me to stay? Yes. +Emma... He wanted me to see -- he thinks I was -- infected by you. +He wanted me to see -- he thinks I was -- infected by you. Shhh... don't talk. +Shhh... don't talk. I want to talk. I just learned again. +You have to go. He'll never stop. Leave this place. Find another. I'll go. We'll both go. Far away. +Good evening. Did you have a pleasant day today? Busy. I went swimming and prepared a new vehicle. A big vehicle. +Busy. I went swimming and prepared a new vehicle. A big vehicle. That sounds charming. Did you meet any interesting people today? +That sounds charming. Did you meet any interesting people today? Yesterday. They're back. Haven't seen them for a few months. I have to be careful. +Yesterday. They're back. Haven't seen them for a few months. I have to be careful. Tell me about the interesting people you met, won't you? +Tell me about the interesting people you met, won't you? They are... sinister. They want to kill me. +They are... sinister. They want to kill me. That sounds charming. What are you planning to do tomorrow? +That sounds charming. What are you planning to do tomorrow? Stay alive. +I remember the first time we met. Do you remember that? Yes. +Yes. It was at Diane's party in Malibu and I had just broken up with Todd and I was loaded for bear, any man who had the nerve to come at me -- watch out. So you come sauntering in -- you know that saunter you do. That watch out, baby, here comes Mr. Smooth thing. +You and that damned garden. Yeah, but when your mother came what's the first thing you showed her? +Yeah, but when your mother came what's the first thing you showed her? I surrender -- +I surrender -- Besides, if we get a lot of work done this summer it'll be done. +Besides, if we get a lot of work done this summer it'll be done. It's never gonna be done. You love puttering out there too much. +It's never gonna be done. You love puttering out there too much. Well, it's not supposed to be done anyway. +The more we plant, the more that'll grow, and the happier -- Virginia...? +Virginia...? What? +Need some gas? Please. +Please. Only got one kind. +Only got one kind. That's fine. +Hell of a night. You got that right. +So, what do you do? I'm am architect. I'm working on a site back in -- +I'm am architect. I'm working on a site back in -- You built things. +You built things. I guess you could say that. +Bathroom? Round back. +Son ... are you awake? Yes. +We're going to be moving, son. Do we have to? +Do we have to? I know, son. But you'll like it where we're going. I'm getting a good job. It's a pretty part of the country. +I know, son. But you'll like it where we're going. I'm getting a good job. It's a pretty part of the country. I'll have to go to a new school -- again. +I'll have to go to a new school -- again. You'll meet new friends. I know ... it's rough. But I have to move, son. +What's that, Dad? That's the Air Force Base. +Wow. Look at the mountains. This can be your room if you want it. What do you say? +This can be your room if you want it. What do you say? Is the hill ours too? +Is the hill ours too? If we want it, it is. +If we want it, it is. Let's check it out, Dad. +Wow. There's the town. And there's the air base. This is a great hill. It's got a name. Copper Ridge. There used to be a copper mine near here. +It's got a name. Copper Ridge. There used to be a copper mine near here. Let's see what's on the other side. Maybe we'll find some copper. +A meteorite, Dad, look! It's that time of year again. We should get a pretty good show out here. +It's that time of year again. We should get a pretty good show out here. Why, Dad? +Why, Dad? Because the sky is so clear out here. +There are more this year than last. This should be the heaviest shower of the year. +This should be the heaviest shower of the year. There's Cassius ... +... and Rigel. And that one -- to the right of Rigel? +Which one's that? The dull, red one. That's Mars. The closest planet to us, now. That's why it's more than just a point in the sky. +Well, son? Should we call it a night? I for one have had a long day. Okay. +Jim -- what's wrong?! You've got to come see -- a big thing went down over the hill! +It was big -- and it glowed -- and it went down over there -- behind the hill. What did it look like? +What did it look like? It was -- it was -- it changed shape. First it was big and round, then it was flat, then it was long and thin. +Are you sure you saw that? In the rain -- it may have looked like it changed shape -- I don't know, Dad. But it was big. +I don't know, Dad. But it was big. I'll go take a look when the rain lets off. +Are you all right, Dad? Sure ... fine. +I lost it. It's kind of muddy out there. Was there anything over the hill? +I had an awful dream. What, Jim, what? +What, Jim, what? First lemme look at your necks. +... And then everything blew up. And then I woke up. That's a doozy of a dream, son. +That's a doozy of a dream, son. It was so real, Dad. +It was so real, Dad. It was all made of stuff that's happened to you in the last few days. The sand pit in back of the house, and the meteor shower, and meeting your teacher and the colonel at school, and being afraid of the new kids because you don't know them ... +I know, Ellen. We'll settle down soon. I was so scared. +I was so scared. Better now, son? +I have to go over to the town this morning and do a lot of shopping. This house needs just everything. I'll probably be gone all day. Jimmy, hurry up and eat or you'll be late. I'll take you to school. +I'll take you to school. You don't have to. The school bus stops right outside here, at 7:30. I've got to run. +It's probably the solenoid. Take it back to Gleason's, they said they'd fix it if we found anything wrong. I will. But isn't that odd -- about my dream ... ? +What happened to you? Who was that? That's Ed. Ed works with the Bell Telephone switching division. +That's Ed. Ed works with the Bell Telephone switching division. Where's your car? +Where's your car? I left it at work. +I left it at work. You did? Why? Where were you? They said you left hours ago. We were worried. +I'm home now. Yes -- but ... +You know, it really is beautiful up there. Let me show you. We'll take a walk after dinner. George, you're acting very strangely. +What's wrong, Ellen? It's his nightmare. He still hasn't gotten over it ... about the other side of the hill. +Better get some sleep, son, or you'll be pretty tired at school tomorrow. Good night. +We'll be by to pick him up in ten minutes. Yes, Mr. Gardner. +What do you mean -- gone? What the hell kind of a nurse are you, anyway? I'm sorry, Mr. Gardner. I was out of my office for a minute and when I got back -- he was gone. +What did he talk to you about? He was upset with moving, I believe. +He was upset with moving, I believe. Is that all he said? +Is that all he said? Why, yes. Why? +Hello, this is Ms. Magnuson speaking. I understand, Miss, that you have my son in your office. +I understand, Miss, that you have my son in your office. Yes, I do, Mr. Gardner. +Yes, I do, Mr. Gardner. May I ask why? +May I ask why? We were having a little talk. +We were having a little talk. About what? +About what? Children often have trouble adjusting to a new school. +Children often have trouble adjusting to a new school. I don't know what he's told you -- What has he told you? Would you like to tell me -- ? +I don't know what he's told you -- What has he told you? Would you like to tell me -- ? Mr. Gardner, I -- +Mr. Gardner, I -- You people have a lot of nerve, taking it on yourselves to encourage young children to speak out of turn. I'm of a mind to pull him out of school if this is your idea of how to handle ... What sort of training do you have anyway? +You people have a lot of nerve, taking it on yourselves to encourage young children to speak out of turn. I'm of a mind to pull him out of school if this is your idea of how to handle ... What sort of training do you have anyway? Mr. Gardner, I don't think this is the place to discuss this matter. +Mr. Gardner, I don't think this is the place to discuss this matter. I'm not particularly interested, Ms. Magnuson, in what you think is correct. My wife and I are going away on a business trip this afternoon and we want Jimmy with us. Keep him in your office until we arrive. +I'm not particularly interested, Ms. Magnuson, in what you think is correct. My wife and I are going away on a business trip this afternoon and we want Jimmy with us. Keep him in your office until we arrive. Of course. +This is a new town for you. Do you like it here? No. +No. Why not? Moving is hard for anybody. Was it hard for you to leave all your friends? +Why not? Moving is hard for anybody. Was it hard for you to leave all your friends? I don't have many friends. Dad's all the time moving. +I don't have many friends. Dad's all the time moving. Can you tell me about that? +That's quite a story. You know that, don't you? Yes. +Yes. A UFO lands in back of your house and puts something in your Dad and Mom's necks. Then it gets the police, and your teacher too. +How did it get Mrs. McKeltch? She said the frog came from around the Copper Ridge. She must've been behind the hill. +She said the frog came from around the Copper Ridge. She must've been behind the hill. What would you think if somebody told you a story like this? +What would you think if somebody told you a story like this? I'd believe him. +I'd believe him. Why? +Why? 'Cause he wouldn't lie. +Do you know how to follow a map? Yes. I can even read star maps. +Yes. I can even read star maps. This shows how to get to my home. I'm giving you back roads and footpaths, so there's less chance of you being seen. +Jimmy, calm down! What happened? Tell me what happened! I got trapped in Mrs. McKeltch's van -- and she went to the tunnel and went down there with them -- behind my house. I saw them. +I got trapped in Mrs. McKeltch's van -- and she went to the tunnel and went down there with them -- behind my house. I saw them. Where, Jimmy? +Where, Jimmy? Behind my house, up on the ridge. +Behind my house, up on the ridge. If we go and look and there's nothing there, you'll have to admit to me that this is all in your mind. +This is where it was -- the tunnel opening. I don't see anything. +I don't see anything. No, but it was here. +I swear it was here. But it's not, Jimmy. +But it's not, Jimmy. No. +No. Let's go look at the sand pit behind your house. +They'll get us. We'll be very careful. But we have to see. If something landed there, there would be a big scar in the ground. Wouldn't there? +Does it look to you like anything landed here? Maybe -- it landed in the bushes. +Stay here. I'm going to make a phone call. Who are you calling? +Who are you calling? The State Police. +Did you call the State Police? All their lines were busy. +No one comes here after dark. Hide the car. +Damn. I know a way. +What is it? I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing here -- +But you saw -- the men go under the sand ... Yes ... yes, but I'm not sure what I saw anymore. +Don't go in. I'm not. They must be tunneling under the whole town. +I'm not. They must be tunneling under the whole town. We can't do this alone. We've got to get help. +We can't do this alone. We've got to get help. There was a man named Colonel Wilson, from the Air Force Base. He was talking in our class. He said we could visit him any time we wanted. I'll bet he could do something. +There was a man named Colonel Wilson, from the Air Force Base. He was talking in our class. He said we could visit him any time we wanted. I'll bet he could do something. Let's try. +You're looking for life? They didn't find any signs of life on the Viking missions. +Well, come on, you two. Time to go to bed. Mom -- this is the best show all year. +Mom -- this is the best show all year. I know. But you have a full day of school tomorrow -- You, too. +What do you think he saw? Could it have been something from the air base? No, Mom. It wasn't a plane. +George, where have you been? What happened to your other slipper? +Your father asked you a question. What? -- I... +Hi. Sorry I'm late. The back door was open. +Mom. I gotta talk to you. What? +What? Don't go over the hill, Mom. Please. +When? This afternoon. It's wonderful up there -- you still haven't seen the best part. +This afternoon. It's wonderful up there -- you still haven't seen the best part. I have school. +I have school. I'll pack us a lunch. Hamburgers. You always like that, don't you. +It's all this moving from place to place. We're never settled. I'm having nightmares myself. What kind, Mom? +What kind, Mom? Oh, I can't remember. But people do have bad dreams when their routine is disturbed. +What's the story on Jimmy Gardner? Gardner? Oh, um -- he's a new student. Just moved here. Why? +Gardner? Oh, um -- he's a new student. Just moved here. Why? His teacher brought him in to see me. Said he'd been acting up in class. Creating a disturbance. I couldn't get a thing out of him. +His teacher brought him in to see me. Said he'd been acting up in class. Creating a disturbance. I couldn't get a thing out of him. Oh? +Oh? What's his family background? +What's his family background? They're from out of state. Father's an engineer at the nuclear power plant. I really don't know much about them. +Ms. Magnuson, is Jimmy Gardner with you? Why, yes. +Why, yes. Jimmy's father is on the phone. I wonder if you'd take the call. +Jimmy's father is on the phone. I wonder if you'd take the call. All right. I'll be right back. +Penicillin. At least it will help keep his fever down. It's really nice of you to help us. +It's really nice of you to help us. I wish I could do more but we're moving out. +I wish I could do more but we're moving out. We're going with you. I mean, we're going too. +We're going with you. I mean, we're going too. Cool. +This could be our last night on Earth. I don't want to die a virgin. If we do, we'll both die virgins. But at last we'll be together. +What do you want? You have to leave the White House. +You have to leave the White House. This is not the time or the place to have this same old discussion. +This is not the time or the place to have this same old discussion. You don't understand. You have to leave Washington. +In case you haven't noticed, we're in a little bit of a crisis here. I've worked with embedded loading. They're communicating with a hidden signal. They're going to attack... +I've worked with embedded loading. They're communicating with a hidden signal. They're going to attack... You're being paranoid. +You're being paranoid. It's not paranoia. The embedding is very subtle. It's probably been overlooked... +What? Connie, don't hang up. +Connie, don't hang up. David? How'd you get this number? +David? How'd you get this number? Walk to the window. Right in front of you. +And when is the countdown supposed to expire? Fifty six minutes, forty five seconds. +What do you want me to do? I want you to leave with us. Right now. +I want you to leave with us. Right now. I can't leave. We have to tell this to the President. +I can't leave. We have to tell this to the President. He's not going to listen to me. +You can't be seriously considering firing nuclear weapons? David, don't... +Just my luck, no ice. I take it you've heard. +I take it you've heard. A toast to the end of the world. +You still believe in him. He's a good man. +He's a good man. Better be. You left me for him. +Better be. You left me for him. I wanted a career. Didn't you ever want to be part of something special? +Thirty seconds? Isn't that cutting it a little too close? We'll be well on our way out of there before we shoot that thing off. +With you? I don't understand why you can't just show someone how to plant the virus, somebody trained for this kind of mission? If anything goes wrong I'll have to think quickly, adjust the signal, who knows? +Are you all right? Did it work? +Did it work? You bet it did. +David thought I was having an affair, which I wasn't. Punched the President? Oh my god. +Moishe Martinsburg, Mr. President. My ex-husband works in satellite communications. +He still gets air sick, huh? In all of this I didn't get the chance to thank you two. Think nothing of it, Spanky. +Spunky. He told you about that? All he could think about was getting to you. There's still love there I think. +All he could think about was getting to you. There's still love there I think. Love was never our problem. +Love was never our problem. All you need is love. John Lennon. Smart man. Shot in the back, very sad. +Can we expect the same kid of panic here as in Russia? More than likely. +I don't know how you put up with him. He used to run the NASA. He knows where all the bones are buried. Comes in handy. +He used to run the NASA. He knows where all the bones are buried. Comes in handy. I'll bet. +You saved a lot of lives. I could have evacuated the cities hours ago. You know, when I flew in the Gulf War everything is simple. We knew what we had to do. It's not simple anymore, Connie. A lot of people died today. How many didn't have to? +We're losing them. Then get them out of there. +What the hell is the point of having a beeper if you don't turn it on? It was turned on. I was ignoring you. What's the big emergency? +It was turned on. I was ignoring you. What's the big emergency? Started this morning. Every channel is making like it's nineteen fifty. Snow, static, all kinds of distortions. No one knows what the hell is going on. +What the hell is this? So sue me. +Did you try to switch to transponder channels? Please, would I be this panicked if it was that simple? +Let's retrofit the dish to another satellite. We've tried. It's not working. It's almost as though they weren't even there. +There's good news and bad news. What's the bad news? +What's the bad news? You're in meal penalty for disturbing my lunch. +You're in meal penalty for disturbing my lunch. And the good news is you won't charge me. +And the good news is you won't charge me. No. The good news is I found the problem and it's not our equipment. There's some weird signal embedded within the satellite feed. +No. The good news is I found the problem and it's not our equipment. There's some weird signal embedded within the satellite feed. That's the good news? +Yes, because the analog signal has a definite sequential digital patterns embedded within it. When I find the exact binary sequence and I apply a phase reversed signal to that calculated spectra analyzer I built you last Christmas, we should be able to block out the overlay completely... ...and we'll be the only guys in town with a clear picture? That's my man. +I've got a lock on the signal pattern. We can filter it out. Huh? Oh, good, good. +Huh? Oh, good, good. Strange thing is, if my calculations are right it'll be gone in approximately seven hours anyway. The signal reduces itself every time it recycles. Eventually it will disappear. Are you listening? +Strange thing is, if my calculations are right it'll be gone in approximately seven hours anyway. The signal reduces itself every time it recycles. Eventually it will disappear. Are you listening? Can you believe this? +Can you believe this? What're you talking about? +What're you talking about? Haven't you been watching? +Tell her to get the kids and leave town. What happened? +What happened? Just do it! +Okay, why did I just send my family to Atlanta? Remember I told you that the signal hidden within our satellite signal is slowly recycling down to extinction. +Remember I told you that the signal hidden within our satellite signal is slowly recycling down to extinction. Not really... +Not really... That signal. It's a countdown. +That signal. It's a countdown. A countdown to what? +A countdown to what? Think. It's like in chess. First you strategically position your pieces. Then, when the timing's right. You strike. +Then what? Checkmate. +What are you waiting? My social security will expire, you'll still be sitting there. I'm thinking. +I'm thinking. So think already. +You have any idea how long it takes for those things to decompose? You don't move soon. I'll begin to decompose. +David, I've been meaning to talk with you. It's nice you've been spending so much time with me, but... Dad, don't start. +Dad, don't start. I'm only saying, it's been what? Four years, you still haven't signed your divorce papers. +I'm only saying, it's been what? Four years, you still haven't signed your divorce papers. Three years. +Three years. Three, four. Move on. It's not healthy. +Pops! The television said they've started with the looting already. Vultures. +The television said they've started with the looting already. Vultures. You still got the Olds? +You still got the Olds? You want to borrow the car? You don't have a license. +You want to borrow the car? You don't have a license. That's okay. You're driving. +It's the White House, for crying out loud. You can't just drive up and ring the bell. Can't this thing go any faster? +Can't this thing go any faster? You think they don't know what you know? Believe me, they know. She works for the President. They know everything. +You think they don't know what you know? Believe me, they know. She works for the President. They know everything. They don't know this. +They don't know this. And you're going to educate them? Tell me something, you're so smart how come you spent eight years at M.I.T. to become a cable repairman? +And you're going to educate them? Tell me something, you're so smart how come you spent eight years at M.I.T. to become a cable repairman? Dad... +Dad... All I'm saying is they've got people who handle these things, David. They want HBO, they'll call you. +What the hell is that? This, pops, is every phone book in America. +This, pops, is every phone book in America. You think an important person like Constance is going to be listed? +You think an important person like Constance is going to be listed? She always keeps her portable phone listed, for emergencies. Sometimes it's just her first initial, sometime her nickname... +Not listed, huh? I just haven't found it yet. I tried C. Halbrook, Connie Halbrook, Spunky Halbrook... +I just haven't found it yet. I tried C. Halbrook, Connie Halbrook, Spunky Halbrook... Spunky? +Spunky? College nickname. +College nickname. You try Martin? +You try Martin? She didn't take my name when we were married. +Perfect, she's using it. It's perfect the line is busy? +It's perfect the line is busy? Yes. I can use he signal to triangulate her exact position in the White House. +Yes. I can use he signal to triangulate her exact position in the White House. You can do that? +Sure he'll listen. Why wouldn't he? Because last time I saw him I punched him in the face. +Because last time I saw him I punched him in the face. You punched the President in the face? +You punched the President in the face? He wasn't the President then. +It's Air Force One for crying out loud. Still he gets sick? Moishe, please, don't talk. +Dad, please... What was it, Roswell? You had the space ship, the bodies, everything locked up in a bunker, the what is it, Area fifty one. That's it! Area fifty one. You knew and you didn't do nothing! +David, David! What the hell are you doing!? I'm making a mess. +I'm making a mess. This I can see. +This I can see. We've gotta burn the rain forest, Pops. Dump toxic waste, pollute the air, rip up the ozone. Maybe if we screw this planet up enough they won't want it anymore. +We've gotta burn the rain forest, Pops. Dump toxic waste, pollute the air, rip up the ozone. Maybe if we screw this planet up enough they won't want it anymore. David, you're drunk. +Pops, you're a genius! What'd I say? +What'd I say? A cold? Of course. +Thanks, Pops. I want you should know, I'm very proud of you, son. +I'll see how they're doing with the radio transmitter. Oh shit, we're late. +Oh shit, we're late. We'll meet you there. +I have a confession to make. I'm not real big on flying. Great. +What the hell are you doing? Just getting a feel for her. +Must be thousands of them. What are they doing? Looks like they're preparing the invasion. +Get us out of here! I can't shake her free. +What're you doing? It's not me. They're overriding the system. +Nice meeting you. You as well. +We're loose! Doesn't matter. Game's over. +Doesn't matter. Game's over. I don't hear no fat lady. +With your permission, Mr. President, I'd like to remain my your side. I had a feeling you would. +I had a feeling you would. Sir, what happens if they do become hostile? +Sir, what happens if they do become hostile? Then God help us. +General Grey, co-ordinate with Atlantic Command. Tell them they have twenty five minutes to get as many people out of the cities as they can. But Mr. President... +But Mr. President... And get those helicopters away from the ship. Call them back immediately. +Is my wife in the air? She should be shortly. +Any news on my wife? The helicopter never arrived at Nellis and there's been no radio contact. +Where are they? ETA with target; four minutes. +Atlanta, Chicago and Philadelphia, destroyed? And there are scattered reports of sightings over Miami, Ft. Worth, And Memphis. +And our forces? We're down to approximately fifteen percent, Sir. If you calculate the time it takes them to destroy a city and move on, we're looking at world wide destruction of every major city within the next thirty six hours. +We're down to approximately fifteen percent, Sir. If you calculate the time it takes them to destroy a city and move on, we're looking at world wide destruction of every major city within the next thirty six hours. We're being exterminated. +Organize every plane you can find and get some Goddamned pilots to fly them. Yes, Sir. +How're we doing? Better than we thought. +We have confirmed divisions of troops from different armies all around the world. Most of Europe, the Middle East and Asia are battle ready. And our troops here? +And our troops here? We've been collecting planes from all over but... +We've been collecting planes from all over but... But what, General? +But what, General? Pilots, sir. We don't have enough people to get them in the air. +Pilots, sir. We don't have enough people to get them in the air. Then find them. +Mr. President, just what do you think you're doing? I'm a pilot, Will. This is where I belong. +Grey, you read me? Roger, Eagle One, our primary target has shifted course. +Where's it headed? I think our secret is out. They're headed right for us. +Do not engage until we've confirmed the package has been delivered. Roger. +Get on the horn with Atlantic Command. Let's upgrade the situation to DEFCON 3. That's not your call to make, Mr. Nimziki. +Organize a military escort to Crystal Mountain. Sir, I strongly recommend we move you to a secured location immediately. +More ships keep arriving, fifteen in total so far. This is crazy. We're loosing our first strike capabilities! +This is crazy. We're loosing our first strike capabilities! We're trying to communicate with them on all frequencies but we're getting nowhere. Atlantic Command is working on a type of visual communication. +That's impossible... My God, the Vice President and the Joint Chiefs... +My God, the Vice President and the Joint Chiefs... Mr. President, we must launch. A delay now would be more costly than when you waited to evacuate the cities! +You were the head of the National Intelligence Agency! You knew all about this. When were you planning on informing the rest of us!? It had been deemed classified. +It had been deemed classified. Christ, why didn't you say anything about this when they first arrived? You could have warned us before we launched a counter attack that cost us hundreds of American pilots! +This is ridiculous. How long would their shields be down? +With their shields down it might be possible. Please, you're not buying into any of this nonsense, are you? We don't have the manpower or the resources to launch that kind of a campaign. Not to mention that this whole cockamamie plan is dependent on a machine that no one in the world is qualified to operate. +A meteor? No Sir. Definitely not. +No Sir. Definitely not. How do you know? +How do you know? Well, er... it's slowing down. +Well, er... it's slowing down. It's doing what? +It's doing what? It's... slowing down, Sir. +He's trying to impress you. He's doing a good job. +You can't go. Call them back. Baby, you know how it is. I have to report to El Toro right away. +Baby, you know how it is. I have to report to El Toro right away. You said you were on leave for the Fourth. +You said you were on leave for the Fourth. They cancelled it. Why are you acting like this? +Wait. I have to tell you something. What? +What? Be careful. +Be careful. Look, after your shift tonight, why don't you grab Dylan and come stay with me on base. +Look, after your shift tonight, why don't you grab Dylan and come stay with me on base. Really? You don't mind? +Really? You don't mind? Naw. I'll just tell my other girlfriends they can't come over tonight. +You know, you're not as charming as you think you are. Yes, I am. +Yes, I am. Dick-weed! +Dick-weed! Butt-munch. +You're late. You know how I like to make a big entrance. +You're late. You know me... +You know me... I know, you like to make a big entrance. +Before we do this, I want you to know I'm sorry. Sorry for what? +Sorry for what? I should have done this a long long time ago. +You scared the hell out of me. Yeah, but what an entrance! +Yeah, but what an entrance! Dick-weed. +Dick-weed. Butt-munch. +Your son. He's my angel. +He's my angel. Was his father stationed here? +Was his father stationed here? He wasn't his father. I was kinda hoping he'd want the job, though. +So, what do you do for a living? I'm a dancer. +I'm a dancer. Really? Ballet? +Really? Ballet? No. Exotic. +No. Exotic. Oh. Sorry. +Oh. Sorry. Don't be. I'm not. It's good money. 'Side, he's worth it. +And when the dancing's over? What about your future? Funny, it used to scare me when I thought about the future. Guess it doesn't really matter anymore. +Dylan, come here. I want you to meet the First Lady. I thought you didn't recognize me. +I thought you didn't recognize me. Didn't want to say anything. I voted for the other guy. +I don't believe it. They make you learn how to fly everything from an Apache to a Harrier and still they turn you down? What else do they want you to learn? How to kiss ass. +Jasmine has this thing for dolphins. I had them make it... I thought you said you were doing to break it off. +That is an affirmative. I have victory dance. Mmmmmmm. Don't get premature on me, Jimmy. We don't light up 'til the Fat Lady sings. +Don't get premature on me, Jimmy. We don't light up 'til the Fat Lady sings. I hear you. +I shouldn't have left her. Don't worry, big guy. I'm sure she got out of here before it happened. +Damn it! I didn't even see them fire! +I didn't even see them fire! "Command, Eagle One. Switching to ""sidewinders."" We're moving in." +Jimmy, kick it! They're gaining. We're already over Mach 2! +We're already over Mach 2! So push it! +Stevie... I can't... Jimmy, stay with me. +Stop it. It's all fuzzy. +It's all fuzzy. You're gonna break it. Just leave it alone. Here, take your medicine. +I don't need it. Just take it, dick head. Alicia! Make sure he takes his medicine. +He's got that SEGA Saturn CD, 64 bit, right? Yeah. What would you think if we went there to live for a while? +Yeah. What would you think if we went there to live for a while? That'd be cool! +But I gave you some this morning. I didn't take it. I thought I didn't need it anymore. +Just what the hell do you think you're doing? I'm bringing home the bacon. Earning my keep. And doing a fine job if I do say so myself. +I'm bringing home the bacon. Earning my keep. And doing a fine job if I do say so myself. It's the wrong field, you idiot! Lucas' farm is on the other side of town. +It's the wrong field, you idiot! Lucas' farm is on the other side of town. You sure? +You sure? Damn it, he was doing you a favor. You know how hard it is to find someone who doesn't think you're completely crazy? What are we supposed to do now? Huh? Where are we supposed to go now? +They let you out? Just what the hell do you think you're doing? +We're leaving, don't try and stop us. You're not going anywhere. You hear me? I'm still your father. +Troy's still my son no matter how you feel about me. For once in your life think about what's best for Troy. Who has to beg for money to buy him medicine when you screw up? Who? +I couldn't find anything. Everyone is packing up, they're leaving. Word is a space ship is heading this way. We should leave too. +We should leave too. There's a group heading south, they said there's a hospital just a couple hours away. I think we should follow them. +How' he doing? Just fell asleep. He's gonna be just fine. Join me in a little celebration? +I'm not leaving. We must maintain a working government in a time of crisis... +We must maintain a working government in a time of crisis... I want the Vice President, Secretary of Defense, the whole Cabinet and the Joint Chiefs taken to a secured location. I'm staying here. I am not going to add to a public hysteria that could cost lives. +I want the Vice President, Secretary of Defense, the whole Cabinet and the Joint Chiefs taken to a secured location. I'm staying here. I am not going to add to a public hysteria that could cost lives. But, Mr. President... +But, Mr. President... So far these things have not become hostile. For the moment let's assume they won't. Connie, let's issue statements advising people not to panic, to stay home and take cover. +What the hell's going on? We're leaving. +I spoke with the Joint Chief when they arrived at NORAD. They agree, we must launch a counter offensive with a full nuclear strike. Hit 'em with everything we've got. Above American soil? +Above American soil? If we don't strike soon, there may not be much of an America left to defend. +Why the hell wasn't I told about this place? Two words, Mr. President. Plausible deniability. +Mr. President? Deploy. +Call them back. The other bombers might have more luck. We shouldn't just give up... +The other bombers might have more luck. We shouldn't just give up... I said call them back. +Mr. President, a real pleasure. They don't let us out much, you know. Yes. +Yes. Well, I guess you'd like to see the big tamale? Follow me. +See, we can't duplicate their type of power so we've never been able to experiment. But since these guys started showing up, all the gizmos inside turned on. The last twenty four hours have been really exciting! "People are dying out there. I don't think ""exciting"" is the word I'd choose to describe it!" +What can you tell us about the enemy we're facing? Not all too dissimilar to us. Breathes oxygen, comparable tolerances to heat, cold... probably why they're interested in our planet. Hey, you wanna see them? +Can they be killed? These three died in the crash. Their bodies are as frail as our own. You just have to get past their technology, which is, I'm sorry to say, far more advanced. +Why did you people come here? "Air... water... your ""sun.""" +"Air... water... your ""sun.""" Where do your people come from? Where is your home? +Where do your people come from? Where is your home? Here... now. +Here... now. And before here? +And before here? Many worlds... +Many worlds... Can we negotiate a truce? Is there room for co-existance? Can there be peace between us? +Can we negotiate a truce? Is there room for co-existance? Can there be peace between us? Peace? No peace. +Peace? No peace. What do you want us to do? +What do you want us to do? Die. +Oh, Sallah! What a relief! Marcus Brody, sir. And where is Indy? +Marcus Brody, sir. And where is Indy? Oh, he's in Austria. A slight detour. +Oh, he's in Austria. A slight detour. You are on your own? +Yes, but don't panic. Everything's under control. Have you... have you arranged our supplies? Oh, yes, of course. But where are we going? +Oh, yes, of course. But where are we going? Oh, this map will show you. It was drawn by, uh... +Oh, what?... your servant, sir. And I am his. +My reputation precedes me. There is no museum in Iskenderun. +Yes. Papers, sir. Got it here. +Yes. Egyptian Mail. Morning edition. Run! +Egyptian Mail. Morning edition. Run! Did you say...? Uh, uh... +May we go home now, please? The dog!? You are named after the dog... +Marcus! I did it! You've got it! +You know how long I've been looking for that?! All your life. +All your life. All my life! +All my life! Well done, Indy. Very well done, indeed. This will find a place of honor in our Spanish collection. +Your treat. Yes. My treat. +What has the old fool got himself into now? I don't know. But whatever it is, he's in over his head! +Dad? It's today's mail. And it's been opened. +Venice, Italy! What is it? +It's Dad's Grail Diary. Every clue he ever followed. Every discovery he made. A complete record of his search for the Holy Grail. This is his whole life. Why would he have sent this to me? I don't know. But someone must want it pretty badly. +I don't know. But someone must want it pretty badly. Do you believe, Marcus? +Do you believe the Grail actually exists? The search for the Cup of Christ is the search for the divine in all of us. +But if you want facts, Indy, I have none to give you. At my age, I'm prepared to take a few things on faith. Call Donovan, Marcus. Tell him I'll take that ticket to Venice now. +Call Donovan, Marcus. Tell him I'll take that ticket to Venice now. I'll tell him we'll take two. +Ah, Venice... Yes. Uh, how will we recognize this Doctor Schneider when we see him? +Yes. Uh, how will we recognize this Doctor Schneider when we see him? I don't know. Maybe he'll know us. +That doesn't look much like a library. It looks like a converted church. +Marcus -- I've seen this window before. Where? +Look, Indy. The Roman numerals! Dad was onto something here! +Dad was onto something here! Well, now we know the source of the numbers, but we still don't know what they mean. +How's the head? "It's better, now I've seen this. It's the name of a city. ""Alexandretta?"" Hmmm..." +"The present city of Iskenderun is built on its ruins. Marcus -- you remember what the Grail Tablet said. ""Across the desert and through the mountain to the Canyon of the Crescent Moon."" But where exactly?" Your father would know. Your father did know. Look. He made a map. +Now, he knew there was a city with an oasis due east. Here. He knew the course turned south through the desert to a river, and the river led into the mountains. Here. Straight to the canyon. He knew everything except where to begin, the name of the city. Alexandretta. Now we know. +Alexandretta. Now we know. Yes. Now we know. +Yes. Now we know. Marcus, get hold of Sallah. Tell him to meet you in Iskenderun. +What about you? I'm going after Dad. +Indy... Indy, you must hurry!! Come quickly! It's... a leap of faith. Oh, God. +Marcus! Arghhh! Oh! +Henry! What are you doing here?! It's a rescue, old boy. Come on. +Henry, the pen -- What? +What? But don't you see? The pen is mightier than the sword. +Look what you did! It's war. +The Word of God... No, Henry. Try not to talk. +No, Henry. Try not to talk. The Name of God... +Indy! Henry! Follow met I know the way! Haaa! Got lost in his own museum, huh? +Tell me, what's going to happen when we get to Venice? Don't worry. Doctor Schneider will be there to meet you. +Don't worry. Doctor Schneider will be there to meet you. Schneider? +Schneider? I maintain an apartment in Venice, at your disposal. +I maintain an apartment in Venice, at your disposal. Oh, well. That's good. Thank you. +Care to wet your whistle, Marcus? I'd rather spit in your face. But as I haven't got any spit... +Well, Marcus, we are on the brink of the recovery of the greatest artifact in the history of mankind. You're meddling with powers you cannot possibly comprehend. +Are you expected? Don't take that tone with me, my good man. Now buttle off and tell Baron Brunwald that Lord Clarence MacDonald and his lovely assistant are here to view the tapestries. +Don't take that tone with me, my good man. Now buttle off and tell Baron Brunwald that Lord Clarence MacDonald and his lovely assistant are here to view the tapestries. Tapestries? +Tapestries? Dear me, the man is dense. This is a castle, isn't it? There are tapestries? +Dear me, the man is dense. This is a castle, isn't it? There are tapestries? This is a castle. And we have many tapestries. But if you're a Scottish lord, then I am Mickey Mouse. +This is a castle. And we have many tapestries. But if you're a Scottish lord, then I am Mickey Mouse. How dare he?! +My name is Donovan. Walter Donovan. I know who you are Mr. Donovan. Your contributions to the museum over the years have been extremely generous. Some of the pieces in your collection here are very impressive. +I know who you are Mr. Donovan. Your contributions to the museum over the years have been extremely generous. Some of the pieces in your collection here are very impressive. Well, like yourself, Doctor Jones, I have a passion for antiquities. Have a look over here. This might interest you. +Well, it's sandstone. Christian symbol. Early Latin text. Mid-Twelfth Century, I should think. That was our assessment as well. +That was our assessment as well. Where did this come from? +Where did this come from? My engineers unearthed it in the mountain region north of Ankara while excavating for copper. Can you translate the inscription? +"""Where the cup that holds the blood of Jesus Christ resides forever.""" The Holy Grail, Doctor Jones. The chalice used by Christ during the Last Supper. The cup that caught His blood at the Crucifixion and was entrusted to Joseph of Arimathaea. +The Arthur Legend. I've heard this bedtime story before. Eternal life, Doctor Jones! The gift of youth to whoever drinks from the Grail. Oh, now that's a bedtime story I'd like to wake up to! +Eternal life, Doctor Jones! The gift of youth to whoever drinks from the Grail. Oh, now that's a bedtime story I'd like to wake up to! An old man's dream. +An old man's dream. Every man's dream. Including your father's, I believe. +Hard to resist, isn't it? The Holy Grail's final resting place described in detail! What good is it? This Grail Tablet speaks of deserts and mountains and canyons. Pretty vague. Where do you start looking? Maybe if the Tablet were intact, you'd have something to go on. But the entire top portion is missing. +What good is it? This Grail Tablet speaks of deserts and mountains and canyons. Pretty vague. Where do you start looking? Maybe if the Tablet were intact, you'd have something to go on. But the entire top portion is missing. Just the same, an attempt to recover the Grail is currently underway. +"Let me tell you another ""bedtime story,"" Doctor Jones. After the Grail was entrusted to Joseph of Arimathaea, it disappeared and was lost for a thousand years before it was found again by three Knights of the First Crusade. Three brothers, to be exact." I've heard this one as well. Two of these brothers walked out of the desert one hundred and fifty years after having found the Grail and began the long journey back to France. But only one of them made it. And before dying of extreme old age, he supposedly imparted his tale to a -- to a Franciscan friar, I think. +I've heard this one as well. Two of these brothers walked out of the desert one hundred and fifty years after having found the Grail and began the long journey back to France. But only one of them made it. And before dying of extreme old age, he supposedly imparted his tale to a -- to a Franciscan friar, I think. "Not ""supposedly,"" Doctor Jones." +"This is the manuscript in which the friar chronicled the Knight's story... it doesn't reveal on location of the Grail, I'm afraid... but the Knight promised that two ""markers"" that had been left behind would. This Tablet is one of those ""markers."" It proves the Knight's story is true. But as you pointed out -- it's incomplete. Now, the second ""marker"" is entombed with the Knight's dead brother. Our project leader believes that tomb to be located within the city of Venice, Italy. As you can now see, Doctor Jones, we're about to complete a great quest that began almost two thousand years ago. We're only one step away." That's usually when the ground falls out from underneath your feet. +That's usually when the ground falls out from underneath your feet. You could be more right than you know. +You could be more right than you know. Yes? +Yes? We've hit a snag. Our project leader has vanished. Along with all his research. Uh, we received a cable from his colleague, Doctor Schneider, who has no idea of his whereabouts or what's become of him. I want you to pick up the trail where he left off. Find the man and you will find the Grail. +We've hit a snag. Our project leader has vanished. Along with all his research. Uh, we received a cable from his colleague, Doctor Schneider, who has no idea of his whereabouts or what's become of him. I want you to pick up the trail where he left off. Find the man and you will find the Grail. You've got the wrong Jones, Mister Donovan. Why don't you try my father? +You've got the wrong Jones, Mister Donovan. Why don't you try my father? We already have. Your father is the man who's disappeared. +DONOVAN! Didn't I warn you not to trust anybody, Doctor Jones? +Impossible? What do you say, Jones? Ready to go down in history? As what? A Nazi stooge like you? +As what? A Nazi stooge like you? Nazis?! -- Is that the limit of your vision?! The Nazis want to write themselves into the Grail legend and take on the world. Well, they're welcome. But I want the Grail itself. The cup that gives everlasting life. Hitler can have the world, but he can't take it with him. I'm going to be drinking my own health when he's gone the way of the Dodo. The Grail is mine, and you're going to get it for me. +Nazis?! -- Is that the limit of your vision?! The Nazis want to write themselves into the Grail legend and take on the world. Well, they're welcome. But I want the Grail itself. The cup that gives everlasting life. Hitler can have the world, but he can't take it with him. I'm going to be drinking my own health when he's gone the way of the Dodo. The Grail is mine, and you're going to get it for me. Shooting me won't get you anywhere. +Shooting me won't get you anywhere. You know something, Doctor Jones? You're absolutely right. +I'm through! We're through! +Doctor Jones? Yes? +Yes? I knew it was you -- +And my mother's ears. But the rest belongs to you. Looks like the best parts have already been spoken for. +The last time I saw your father we were in the library. He was very close to tracking down the Knight's Tomb. I've never seen him so excited. He was as giddy as a schoolboy. Who? Attila the Professor? He was never giddy, even when he was a schoolboy! +Fraulein -- will you permit me? I usually don't. +I usually don't. I usually don't either. +I usually don't either. In that case, I permit you. +It would make me very happy. But I'm already sad -- by tomorrow it will have faded. +But I'm already sad -- by tomorrow it will have faded. Tomorrow I'll steal you another. +My dad sent me this Diary for a reason. Until we find out why, I suggest we keep it to ourselves. Find something? +Bingo. You don't disappoint, Doctor Jones. You're a great deal like your father. +You don't disappoint, Doctor Jones. You're a great deal like your father. Except he's lost, and I'm not. +Except he's lost, and I'm not. Lower me down. +Pagan symbols. Fourth or Fifth Century. Right. Six hundred years before the Crusades. +Right. Six hundred years before the Crusades. The Christians would have dug their own passages and burial chambers centuries later. +The Ark of the Covenant. Are you sure? +Are you sure? Pretty sure. +It must be one of these... Look at the artistry of these carvings and the scrollwork. +What's that? It's a rubbing Dad made of the Grail Tablet. +Wouldn't it be wonderful if he were here now to see this? He never would have made it past the rats! He hates rats! He's scared to death of them! +Don't wander off. What? +I said go around! You said go between them! +You said go between them! I said don't go between them! +My room! Mine, too. +Mine, too. What were they looking for? +This. The Grail Diary. +The Grail Diary. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. You had it? You didn't trust me! +At least I let you tag along. Oh, yes. Give them a flower and they'll follow you anywhere. +Oh, yes. Give them a flower and they'll follow you anywhere. Knock it off. You're not mad. +Knock it off. You're not mad. No? +No? No. You like the way I do things. +No. You like the way I do things. It's lucky I don't do things the same way. You'd still be standing at the Venice pier. +What do you know about this place? I know the Brunwalds are famous art collectors. +What are you going to do? Don't know. Think of something. +This one. I think he's in here. How do you know? +This book contained a map -- a map with no names -- precise directions from the unknown city to the secret Canyon of the Crescent Moon. So it did. +How did you get here? Where is it? I want it. +You came back for the book? Why? My father didn't want it incinerated. +Is that what you think of me? I believe in the Grail, not the Swastika. Yet you stood up to be counted with the enemy of everything the Grail stands for -- who gives a damn what you think? +Yet you stood up to be counted with the enemy of everything the Grail stands for -- who gives a damn what you think? You do. +All I have to do is squeeze. All I have to do is scream. +I never expected to see you again. I'm like a bad penny. I always turn up. +Elsa! Elsa, don't move! It's ours, Indy. Yours and mine. +It's ours, Indy. Yours and mine. Elsa, don't cross the Seal. The Knight warned us not to take the Grail from here. +Elsa. Elsa don't. Elsa. Elsa. Give me your other hand, honey. I can't hold you. I can reach it. I can reach it... +Dad! Out! +Out! It's important! +It's important! Then wait -- count to twenty. +Then wait -- count to twenty. No, Dad. You listen to me -- +No, Dad. You listen to me -- Junior! +It is you Junior! Don't call me that, please. +Don't call me that, please. But what are you doing here? +But what are you doing here? I came to get you! What do you think? +Oh, it breaks the heart. And the head. You hit me, Dad! +And the head. You hit me, Dad! I'll never forgive myself -- +I'll never forgive myself -- Don't worry -- I'm fine. +Don't worry -- I'm fine. Thank God! +No! Dad, get your stuff. We've got to get out of here. Well, I am sorry about your head, though. But I thought you were one of them. +Well, I am sorry about your head, though. But I thought you were one of them. Dad, they come in through the doors. +Dad, they come in through the doors. Good point. +Humpf -- so I was wrong this time. But by God, I wasn't wrong when I mailed you my Diary. You obviously got it. I got it and I used it. We found the entrance to the catacombs. +I got it and I used it. We found the entrance to the catacombs. Through the library? +Through the library? Right. +Right. I knew it. And the tomb of Sir Richard? +Found it. He was actually there? You saw him? +He was actually there? You saw him? Well, what was left of him. +Well, what was left of him. And his shield... the inscription on Sir Richard's shield...? +And his shield... the inscription on Sir Richard's shield...? Alexandretta. It's a great moment in Henry's life. He turns aside, lost to himself for a moment, then turns to Indy with joy. +Alexandretta. It's a great moment in Henry's life. He turns aside, lost to himself for a moment, then turns to Indy with joy. Alexandretta... of course... on the pilgrim trail from the Eastern Empire. Oh, Junior... +...you did it. No, Dad. You did. Forty years. +No, Dad. You did. Forty years. If only I could have been with you. +If only I could have been with you. There were rats, Dad. +There were rats, Dad. Rats? +Rats? Yeah, big ones. What do the Nazis want with you Dad? +Yeah, big ones. What do the Nazis want with you Dad? They want my diary. +They want my diary. Yeah? +You didn't, did you? You didn't bring it, did you? Well, uh... +Well, uh... You did!! +You did!! Look, can we discuss this later? +Look, can we discuss this later? I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers. +I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers. Will you take it easy! +Will you take it easy! Take it easy?! Why do you think I sent it home in the first place? So it wouldn't fall into their hands!! +Take it easy?! Why do you think I sent it home in the first place? So it wouldn't fall into their hands!! I came here to save you. +I came here to save you. Oh yeah? And who's gonna come to save you, Junior?? +No! Don't Shoot! Don't worry. He won't. +She ransacked her own room and I fell for it. How did you know she was a Nazi? Umh? +Umh? How did you she was a Nazi? +How did you she was a Nazi? She talks in her sleep. +Ooooh... I like the Austrian way better. So did I. +So did I. Let's try and get these ropes loose. We've got to get to Marcus before the Nazis do! +Let's try and get these ropes loose. We've got to get to Marcus before the Nazis do! You said he had two days' start. That he would blend in. Disappear! +You said he had two days' start. That he would blend in. Disappear! Are you kidding? -- I made that up! You know Marcus -- he got lost once in his own museum! +What am I looking for? My lucky charm. +My lucky charm. Feels like a cigarette lighter. +Feels like a cigarette lighter. Try and burn through the ropes. +I ought to tell you something. Don't get sentimental now Dad -- save it 'til we get out of here. +Don't get sentimental now Dad -- save it 'til we get out of here. The floor's on fire! See?! +The floor's on fire! See?! What??? +What??? And the chair. +And the chair. All right, move! Move! Rock your Chair. Do what I do. +Dad! What? +What? Dad! +Dad! What? +What? Dad! +What? Head for the fireplace! +Head for the fireplace! Oh. +This is intolerable! I'm out, Dad! +Dad! ...the solution presents itself. +Come on, Dad. Come on! What about the boat? We're not going on the boat? +Stop! What? +What? Stop! Stop! +You're going the wrong Way! We have to get to Berlin! Brody's this way. +Brody's this way. My Diary's in Berlin. +My Diary's in Berlin. You don't need the Diary, Dad. Marcus has the map. +You don't need the Diary, Dad. Marcus has the map. There is more in the Diary than just the map. +There is more in the Diary than just the map. All right Dad -- tell me. +All right Dad -- tell me. Well, he who finds the Grail must face the final challenge. +Well, he who finds the Grail must face the final challenge. What final challenge? +What final challenge? Three devices of such lethal cunning. +Three devices of such lethal cunning. Booby traps? +Booby traps? Oh, yes. But I found the clues that will safely take us through, in the Chronicles of St. Anselm. +Oh, yes. But I found the clues that will safely take us through, in the Chronicles of St. Anselm. But what are they? Can't you remember? +But what are they? Can't you remember? I wrote them down in my Diary so that I wouldn't have to remember. +I wrote them down in my Diary so that I wouldn't have to remember. Half the German Army's on our tail and you want me to go to Berlin? Into the lion's den? +Half the German Army's on our tail and you want me to go to Berlin? Into the lion's den? Yes! The only thing that matters is the Grail. +Yes! The only thing that matters is the Grail. What about Marcus? +What about Marcus? Marcus would agree with me. +Marcus would agree with me. Two selfless martyrs. Jesus Christ! +That's for blasphemy. The quest for the Grail is not archaeology. It's a race against evil. If it is captured by the Nazis, the armies of darkness will march all over the face of the earth. Do you understand me? This is an obsession Dad. I never understood it. Never. Neither did Mom. +This is an obsession Dad. I never understood it. Never. Neither did Mom. Oh yes, she did. Only too well. Unfortunately she kept her illness from me until all I could do was mourn her. +What did you get? I don't know. The first available flight out of Germany. +I don't know. The first available flight out of Germany. Good. +When we're airborne, with Germany behind us, then I'll share that sentiment. Relax. +You know, sharing your adventures is an interesting experience. That's not all we shared. It's disgraceful. You're old enough to be her fa... er, her grandfather! +That's not all we shared. It's disgraceful. You're old enough to be her fa... er, her grandfather! Well, I'm as human as the next man. +Well, I'm as human as the next man. I was the next man. +I was the next man. Ships that pass in the night... +Do you remember the last time we had a quiet drink? I had a milk shake. Hmmm... What did we talk about? +Hmmm... What did we talk about? We didn't talk. We never talked. +We didn't talk. We never talked. And do I detect a rebuke? +And do I detect a rebuke? A regret. It was just the two of us, Dad. It was a lonely way to grow up. For you, too. If you had been an ordinary, average father like the other guys' dads, you'd have understood that. +A regret. It was just the two of us, Dad. It was a lonely way to grow up. For you, too. If you had been an ordinary, average father like the other guys' dads, you'd have understood that. Actually, I was a wonderful father. +Actually, I was a wonderful father. When? +Did I ever tell you to eat up? Go to bed? Wash your ears? Do your homework? No. I respected your privacy and I taught you self-reliance. What you taught me was that I was less important to you than people who had been dead for five hundred years in another country. And I learned it so well that we've hardly spoken for twenty years. +What you taught me was that I was less important to you than people who had been dead for five hundred years in another country. And I learned it so well that we've hardly spoken for twenty years. You left just when you were becoming interesting. +You left just when you were becoming interesting. Dad, how can you? +Dad, how can you? Very well. I'm here now. +Well... I can't think of anything. "Then what are you complaining about? Look, we have work to do. When we get to Alexandretta we will face three challenges. ""First, the breath of God. Only the penitent man will pass. Second, the Word of God, only in the footsteps of God will he proceed. Third, the Path of God, only in the leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth.""" +"Then what are you complaining about? Look, we have work to do. When we get to Alexandretta we will face three challenges. ""First, the breath of God. Only the penitent man will pass. Second, the Word of God, only in the footsteps of God will he proceed. Third, the Path of God, only in the leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth.""" What does that mean? +What does that mean? I don't know. We'll find out. +I didn't know you could fly a plane. Fly... yes. Land... no. +Dad -- eleven o'clock!! What happens at eleven o'clock? +Dad, are we hit?! More or less. Son, I'm sorry. They got us. +Nice landing. Thanks. +Those people are trying to kill us! I know, Dad! +I know, Dad! It's a new experience for me. +It's a new experience for me. It happens to me all the time. +This is intolerable! This could be close. +What do you think you're doing?! Get down! Dad, we're well out of range. +Now, who are all these people? Who cares? As long as they're keeping Donovan busy. Dad, you stay here while Sallah and I organize some transportation. +Dad? You call this archaeology? +You call this archaeology? Get out of there, Dad! +Dad?! Junior... +"""Only the penitent man will pass. Only the penitent man will pass.""" The penitent man will pass. The penitent... the penitent. The penitent man... +The penitent man will pass. The penitent... the penitent. The penitent man... The penitent man. The penitent... +The penitent man is humble before God. Penitent. Penitent... +Penitent. Penitent... The penitent man is humble... +"But in the Latin alphabet, ""Jehovah"" begins with an ""I""." """J""." +Junior, give me your other hand! I can't hold on!! I can get it -- I can almost reach it, Dad. +Elsa never really believed in the Grail. She thought she'd found a prize. What did you find, Dad? +What did you find, Dad? Me?... Illumination. +What did you find, Junior? Junior?! Dad... +I like Indiana. We named the dog Indiana. +Ready? Ready. +Uh-huh. After you, Junior. +After you, Junior. Yes, sir! Haaa! +I knew you'd come, but my strength has left me. Who are you? +Who are you? The last of three brothers who swore an oath to find the Grail and to guard it. +The last of three brothers who swore an oath to find the Grail and to guard it. That was seven hundred years ago. +That was seven hundred years ago. A long time to wait. +You're strangely dressed... for a knight. I'm not exactly... a knight. What do you mean? +I'm not exactly... a knight. What do you mean? I was chosen because I was the bravest and the most worthy. The honor was mine until another came to challenge me to single combat. I pass it to you who vanquished me. +Get that camel out of the way! What happened to Marcus, Sallah? +What happened to Marcus, Sallah? Ah, they set out across the desert this afternoon. I believe they took Mister Brody with them. +That car belonged to my brother-in- law. Come on -- come on! +I'm going after those horses. I'll take the camels. +I'll take the camels. I don't need camels. +I don't need camels. But, Indy -- +But, Indy -- No camels! +Sallah, I said no camels! That's five camels. Can't you Count? Compensation for my brother-in-law's car. Indy, your father and Brody -- +Compensation for my brother-in-law's car. Indy, your father and Brody -- Where's my father? +Where's my father? They have them. In the belly of that steel beast. +Why are you trying to kill us? Because you're looking for the Holy Grail. +Because you're looking for the Holy Grail. My father was looking for the Holy Grail. Did you kill him too? +My father was looking for the Holy Grail. Did you kill him too? No. +No. Where is he? Talk -- or you're dead. Damn it, tell me! Tell me! +Where is he? Talk -- or you're dead. Damn it, tell me! Tell me! If you don't let go, Doctor Jones, we'll both die. +If you don't let go, Doctor Jones, we'll both die. Then we'll die. +Then we'll die. My soul is prepared. How's yours? +This is your last chance. No, Doctor Jones. It's yours! +All right! Where's my father If you let me go, I will tell you where he is. +If you let me go, I will tell you where he is. Who are you? +Who are you? My name is Kazim. +My name is Kazim. And why were you trying to kill me? +And why were you trying to kill me? The secret of the Grail has been safe for a thousand years. And for all that time the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword has been prepared to do anything to keep it safe. +Ask yourself, why do you seek the Cup of Christ? Is it for His glory, or for yours? I didn't come for the Cup of Christ. I came to find my father. +I didn't come for the Cup of Christ. I came to find my father. In that case, God be with you in your quest. Your father is being held in the Castle of Brunwald on the Austrian-German border. +"Captain Blumburtt and his troops are here to check up on the ""natives""." Just a routine inspection tour. +Just a routine inspection tour. The British worry so about their Empire -- it makes us feel like well- cared-for children. +Dr. Jones, you know very well that the Thuggee cult has been dead for nearly a century. Of course. The Thuggees were an obscenity that worshipped Kali with human sacrifices. The British Army wiped them out about the time of the Mutiny of 1857. +Well, Mr. Prime Minister, my report will duly note that we found nothing unusual here in Pankot. I'm sure that will please the Maharajah, Captain. +I'm sure that will please the Maharajah, Captain. As I said before, we'd be happy to escort you to Delhi. +Interested in local curios? No. But I am interested in the occult. And this is a kryta. +Charming. It's like the voodoo dolls of West Africa. The kryta represents your enemy -- and gives you complete power over him. +It's like the voodoo dolls of West Africa. The kryta represents your enemy -- and gives you complete power over him. Thank God all that mumbo jumbo rubbish is disappearing. +Thank God all that mumbo jumbo rubbish is disappearing. You think so? +You think so? Of course. Admittedly, it's taken time. Britain's controlled India for almost two hundred years now. +You're hanging on better here than you did in America. This is a different situation, Dr. Jones. These people are like children. We have to lead them slowly into the twentieth century. +The Prime Minister doesn't seem that naive. No, he's a very shrewd old boy. Power behind the throne and all that. He actually runs this whole province. +I'm sure it's nothing. Just rumors. What was it they claimed was stolen? Something magical. A sacred rock. +Rather bizarre menu, wouldn't you say? Even if they were trying to scare us away, a devout Hindu would never touch meat. Makes you wonder what these people are... +I've spent by life crawling around in caves and tunnels -- I shouldn't have let somebody like Willie go in there with me. Miss Scott panicked? +Miss Scott panicked? When she saw the insects she passed out cold. I carried her back to her room. She was sleeping when I re- entered the tunnel to look around. +Then she must have run out of the room and you found her. Did you discover anything in that tunnel, Dr. Jones? +I believe we're being called to dinner. Finally! +Jones isn't in his room. Miss Scott -- my troops are leaving at dawn if you want us to escort you to Delhi -- No -- you can't go! Something awful's happened. They've got Short Round and I think Indy's been -- +No -- you can't go! Something awful's happened. They've got Short Round and I think Indy's been -- What? +What? We found a tunnel that leads to a temple below the palace! Please, come with me, I'll show you! +Who? It's some kind of cult! And they've got the sacred stones that Indy was searching for. +Hard to believe, isn't it...? I remember first hearing your name when I was studying at Oxford. I am Chattar Lal, Prime Minister for His Highness the Maharajah of Pankot. +The plane crash and your journey here sound -- most incredible. You should have been there... +"He's not exactly what we call ""a spring chicken""." No, no, that is Uhmed Singh, the present Maharajah's late father. +No, no, that is Uhmed Singh, the present Maharajah's late father. Oh -- good. And maybe the present Maharajah is a little younger? And thinner? +They will escort you to your rooms now. You will be provided with fresh clothes. Tonight you will be dining with His Highness. Dinner? And with a prince?! My luck is changing. But look at me -- my god, I've to get ready! +Listen, Mr. Lal, what do you call the Maharajah's wife? His Highness has not yet taken a wife. +His Highness has not yet taken a wife. No? Well, I guess he just hasn't met the right woman... +Miss Scott, you're not making any sense. I'm afraid they'll kill them! We saw horrible things down there -- they had a human sacrifice and they ripped a man's heart out! +I sense the fumes of opium in all this. Perhaps Miss Scott picked up the habit in Shanghai. What're you talking about -- I'm not a dope fiend! I saw it! I'll show you! +I would say you look rather lost. But then I cannot imagine where in the world the three of you would look at home... Lost? No, we're not lost. We're on our way to Delhi. This is Miss Scott -- and Mr. Round. My name's Indiana Jones. +Lost? No, we're not lost. We're on our way to Delhi. This is Miss Scott -- and Mr. Round. My name's Indiana Jones. Dr. Jones? The eminent archaeologist? +We'd appreciate it if the Maharajah would let us stay tonight. We'll be on out way in the morning. I am only his humble servant, but the Maharajah usually listens to my advice. +I had a question, Mr. Prime Minister. I was examining some of the Maharajah's artifacts. A very fine collection of very old pieces, don't you think? +A very fine collection of very old pieces, don't you think? Yes, very fine. But not all of the pieces look old. Some were carved recently and look like images used by the Thuggees to worship the goddess Kali. +I suppose stories of the Thuggees die hard. There are no stories anymore. +There are no stories anymore. Well, I don't know... we came here from a small village and the peasants there told us that the Pankot Palace was growing powerful again -- because of some ancient evil. +Their stories are just fear and folklore. Maybe... but how do you explain The Thuggee shrine I saw right below the palace? +You know the villagers also claimed that this palace stole something from them. Dr. Jones, in our country a guest does not usually insult his host. +Dr. Jones, in our country a guest does not usually insult his host. Sorry, I thought we were just talking about folklore. +There, you see, Captain. A rock! When they lost this rock their fields and animals died. They also said their children were taken from them. +When they lost this rock their fields and animals died. They also said their children were taken from them. I think that's enough of this nonsense, Dr. Jones... +I was dubious myself at first. Then something connected -- the village's rock and the old legend of the Sankara Stones... Dr. Jones, we are all vulnerable to vicious rumors. I seem to remember that in Honduras you were accused of being a grave robber rather than a scientist. +Dr. Jones, we are all vulnerable to vicious rumors. I seem to remember that in Honduras you were accused of being a grave robber rather than a scientist. The newspapers exaggerated the incident. +The newspapers exaggerated the incident. And didn't the Sultan of Madagascar threaten to cut your head off if you ever returned to his country? +And didn't the Sultan of Madagascar threaten to cut your head off if you ever returned to his country? That was a misunderstanding. +That was a misunderstanding. Exactly what we have here, Dr. Jones. +Mola Ram is telling the faithful of out victory. He says the British have left the palace, which proves Kali Ma's new power. Yes, I understand. +You understand what he tells us? Kali Ma protects us now and for ever, and we must pledge our devotion by worshipping her with an offering of flesh and blood! +Dr. Jones. Lao She. +Lao She. Nee chin lie how ma? +You never told me you spoke my language, Dr. Jones. I don't like to show off. +So, it is true, Dr. Jones? You found Nurhachi? Sure, I found him. Then last night I had a little trouble. Somebody tried to slit my throat. +You have insulted my son. Next time I'll cut off more than his finger. +Next time I'll cut off more than his finger. Dr. Jones -- I want Nurhachi. +What's that? A bonus, Dr. Jones. That is poison. You just drank the rest of it. +Now what about the antidote, Lao. At last I have the ashes of my sacred ancestor! +Wow! Holy smoke! Crash landing! Step on it, Short Round! +Step on it, Short Round! Okey-doke, Indy! Hold onto your potatoes! +You got the tickets, Short Round? Sure, Indy -- three tickets! You, me and Wu Han -- +Indy? Okay, Shorty. +Indy, they make our plane crash? To get you here? It's just superstition, Shorty. Like a ghost story. +I ride with you, Indy? Nope, you got a little surprise over there, Shorty. +Indy, look! That's it. Pankot Palace. +What you look at, Indy? Just a statue. +That little Maharajah think he big stuff. You don't like him do you? +You don't like him do you? Next time I flatten him! Did you see his eyes? +Next time I flatten him! Did you see his eyes? No. +No. Indy, they glow like fire and get real crazy! Then he talk in this real scary voice! +He was afraid of you. He knows a tough guy when he sees one. Yeah, that's what happened... +Get to sleep Indy -- I stay up and keep eye on things... Okay, Shorty... see you in the morning... I'm going to have a little -- word with Willie. +What does it mean, Indy? """Follow in the footsteps of Shiva. Do not betray his truth.""" +The village knew their rock was magic -- but they didn't know it was one of the lost Sankara Stones... Why they glow like that? +Why they glow like that? Legend says that when the stones are brought together the diamonds inside of them will glow. +This is Nainsukh -- from the village. They bring him here to dig in the mines. Why? +Come one, what's wrong? Behind you! +Slow on the curves or we'll fly off the tracks! Read you loud and clear, Indy! +Let up on the brake! What? +You were caught trying to steal the Sankara Stones. Nobody's perfect. The way I heard it, you stole one of them from a small village. +There were five stones in the beginning. Over the centuries they were dispersed by wars, sold off by thieves like you... Two are still missing. +Two are still missing. No. They are here -- somewhere. A century ago when the British raided this temple and butchered my people, a loyal priest hid the last two stones down here in the catacombs. +No. They are here -- somewhere. A century ago when the British raided this temple and butchered my people, a loyal priest hid the last two stones down here in the catacombs. That's what you've got these children -- these slaves digging for? +That's what you've got these children -- these slaves digging for? They dig for the gems to support our cause. They also search for the last two stones. Soon we will have all five Sankara Stones and the Thuggees will be all powerful! +They dig for the gems to support our cause. They also search for the last two stones. Soon we will have all five Sankara Stones and the Thuggees will be all powerful! Nobody can say you don't have a vivid imagination. +Nobody can say you don't have a vivid imagination. You do not believe me? You will, Dr. Jones. You will become a true believer. +That's far enough! You are in no position to give orders, Dr. Jones. +Give me the stones! Mola Ram -- you're about to meet Kali -- in Hell! +No, the stones are mine! You're betrayed Shiva. +On the way to Delhi, you will stop at Pankot. Pankot isn't on the way to Delhi. +Pankot isn't on the way to Delhi. You will go to palace there. +You will go to palace there. Hasn't the Pankot palace been deserted since the Mutiny of 1857? +Hasn't the Pankot palace been deserted since the Mutiny of 1857? No. Now there is new Maharajah -- and palace is powerful again. +It is Pankot Palace that kills my village. I don't understand. What's happened here? +I don't understand. What's happened here? The evil starts in Pankot. Then like monsoon, it moves darkness over all country. +The evil starts in Pankot. Then like monsoon, it moves darkness over all country. What evil? +What evil? They came from Palace and took sivalinga from out village. +It is why Krishna brought you here. Nobody brought us here. Our plane crashed. We were shot down by -- +Nobody brought us here. Our plane crashed. We were shot down by -- No. We pray to Krishna to help us find the stone. It was Krishna who made you fall from sky -- so you can got to Pankot Palace. To find sivalinga -- and bring back to us. +Was the stone very smooth? It was probably brought here from a sacred river. Long ago -- before my father's father. +Long ago -- before my father's father. And it had three lines painted across it? The lines represent the three levels of the universe. I've seen stones like the one you lost. +But why would the Maharajah take this sacred stone? They say we must pray to their evil god. We say we will not. +You will find them when you find sivlalinga. I'm sorry, I don't know how I can help you here. +I like the service here. Hey, he's not a waiter... +Hey, he's not a waiter... No, Wu Han's an old friend I brought along. So, the game's not over. Put the antidote on the table, Lao. +Look out, damn it, I need that antidote! Who cares? Where's that diamond! +For crying out loud, a kid's driving the car?! Relax, I've been giving him lessons. +Listen, we just met for crissake! I'm not that kind of girl! Don't get your hopes up -- where's the antidote? +You don't look very good. Poison never agrees with me. Pull a right, Short Round, and head for the Wang Poo bridge! +What're we going to do?! Where're we going?! The airport... No, look out, Short Round! Left, left! +I'll take the extra ticket. Where's this plane going anyway? Siam. +Siam. Siam? But I'm not dressed for Siam... +So, what're you supposed to be, a lion tamer? Since I was nice enough to let you tag along, why don't you give your mouth a rest? Okay, doll? +I'm freezing. What do you mean, tag along? From the minute you walked into that nightclub, you haven't been able to keep your eyes off me. Oh yeah? +Are you crazy, a lift raft?! We're not sinking, we're crashing! Get over here, damn it! Short Round, come on, grab onto me tight! +You all right? No... I'm not cut out for the kind of life you lead. Oh no... I ripped my dress. Where are we anyway? +India... Holy cow -- India? How do you know we're in -- +What'd he say? He told me they knew I was coming here. +He told me they knew I was coming here. What do you mean -- how? +What do you mean -- how? The old man saw it in a dream. +The old man saw it in a dream. Dream -- nightmare is more like it. +Dream -- nightmare is more like it. He said that's whey they were at river -- they were waiting for the plane to fall down. +God, I am starving, but I can't eat this... That's more food than these people eat in a week. They're starving, too... +Took what? It's a sacred stone in a shine that's supposed to protect a village. +And then they took their children. Their children? +What'd he say now? It was destined that I came here -- and the future cannot be changed... +Hey, Willie -- I think you better get out now. Stark naked? You wish... If you're trying to seduce me, Dr. Jones, this is a very primitive approach. +Stark naked? You wish... If you're trying to seduce me, Dr. Jones, this is a very primitive approach. Me seduce you? Honey, you're the one who took your clothes off. I just came over to remind you that you never know what else might be in the water. +Me seduce you? Honey, you're the one who took your clothes off. I just came over to remind you that you never know what else might be in the water. Somehow I feel safer in here. +Indy! Help me! Don't worry, I'm coming in! What is it? +Don't worry, I'm coming in! What is it? A snake! +A what...? A SNAKE!! +Hurry, help me out of here! What're you waiting for?! Uh, listen -- Willie -- I got a better idea. +Uh, listen -- Willie -- I got a better idea. What?! +What?! First of all -- don't panic! +Don't let it pull you deeper! It's pulling me deeper! +It's pulling me deeper! Don't let it curl around you! +Don't let it curl around you! It's curling around me! Damn it, stop talking and do something! +Listen, Willie. Do exactly what I tell you now. What?! +What?! Can you move your arm? +Can you move your arm? Just one arm! +Just one arm! Okay, I want you to lift your hand -- and pet the snake. +Okay, I want you to lift your hand -- and pet the snake. PET IT??!! +PET IT??!! Yes, stroke it right along the maxillary and precaudal vertebrae. +Yes, stroke it right along the maxillary and precaudal vertebrae. THE WHAT?! +THE WHAT?! Pet it on the head! Go on, pet it! +Oh -- my -- god -- it's going to crush me! Keep stroking it! +What's happening? It's starting to let go! +It's starting to let go! That's good -- you're doing fine. +Thanks for nothing! I hate snakes! I know the feeling... +Where'd you find your little bodyguard? I met Short Round when he tried to pick my pocket. +Shorty's family was killed when they bombed Shanghai. He was living on the streets. He'll be okay. He's a good kid. +By the way, how'd you end up in Shanghai? "Well, when my nightclub career was run over by the Depression, some pinhead convinced me that ""a girl could go places in the Orient..."" So, look where I got." +What about the future? Oh, that's easy -- I'm going to latch onto a good-looking, incredibly rich prince. +I'd like to find one of those myself. Oh really? +Oh really? Yeah, but he's got to be dead and buried for a couple of thousand years. Fortune and glory... +Yeah, but he's got to be dead and buried for a couple of thousand years. Fortune and glory... Is that what you're hoping to find at this palace, Dr. Jones? +Is that what you're hoping to find at this palace, Dr. Jones? Maybe... +The drawing shows a priest named Sankara who lived centuries ago. What does the writing say? +What does the writing say? It's Sanskrit. It tells the story of Sankara climbing Mt. Kalisa where he met the Hindu god Shiva. +It's Sanskrit. It tells the story of Sankara climbing Mt. Kalisa where he met the Hindu god Shiva. That's Shiva? What's he giving the Priest? +That's Shiva? What's he giving the Priest? Legend says he told Sankara to go forth and combat evil. To do that he gave him five sacred stones that had magical powers. +Legend says he told Sankara to go forth and combat evil. To do that he gave him five sacred stones that had magical powers. You mean magical like the rock that was stolen from that village? +I think you should sleep closer. I meant for safety. I'd be safer sleeping with that snake. +Couldn't keep away, huh? Just try and control yourself. +He's afraid of something. He said he couldn't take us any farther. He has to go sell the elephants. +He said he couldn't take us any farther. He has to go sell the elephants. You mean we have to walk the rest of the way? +Any more complaints? Yeah, I wish you'd thought of this sooner... +I've always had a weakness for folk dancing. She might get away with that act here, but she'd never make it in a real nightclub. +That's the Maharajah -- that kid?! Maybe he likes older women. +Cheer up, you lost your prince, but dinner's on the way. I've never been so hungry in my life... +Not leftovers? No -- real food. +You're nice. Listen, I'm taking applications -- how'd you like to be my palace slave? Wearing your jewels to bed, princess? +Yeah -- and nothing else. That shock you? "I'm a scientist. I like doing research on certain ""nocturnal activities"" --" +Primitive sexual practices? You're talking to an authority in that area. +You're dying to come into my room, aren't you? You want me so bad, why don't you invite me? +You want me so bad, why don't you invite me? Too proud to admit you're crazy about me, Dr. Jones? +Too proud to admit you're crazy about me, Dr. Jones? I think you're too used to getting you own way, Willie... +We'll see who gives in first -- I'll leave my door open. Don't catch cold. +Don't catch cold. Dr. Jones? +Five minutes... you'll be back over here in five minutes... You're dreaming, Willie. You want to make it real, just knock on my door. +No -- don't you see -- crawling -- What -- the bug? +Get -- the -- bug -- off! Gee, I wouldn't want to touch an ugly critter like that! +Oh no -- oh no!! You know, Willie, I'll bet he's mad because they were eating his friends for dinner. +You know, Willie, I'll bet he's mad because they were eating his friends for dinner. Please -- oh please, I'm going to die! Get it off! +What?! Willie, come here! Hurry up, we're in trouble!! +WILLIE?! I'm coming, what's the rush?! Ohh! What's that?! There's stuff all over the floor! I can't see a thing! +There's bugs! Bugs all over! Help! Help me! Willie, open the door! GET US OUT OF HERE! +GET US OUT! Willie, shut up and listen! There's got to be a fulcrum release! Look around! A what?! +A fulcrum release lever! I can't find any lever! Help me Indy! +There's a hole! I found a square hole! That's it -- the release lever -- look inside! +That's it -- the release lever -- look inside! I am -- it looks horrible! +Oh God, it's soft -- it's moving! Willie! +What is it...? It's a Thuggee ceremony. They're worshipping Kali, the goddess of Death and Destruction. +Oh my God! He ripped out his -- he killed him! No... the heart's still beating! +Let's go! Let's get out of here! Quiet! +Wait -- what're you doing? I'm going down. +I'm going down. Down? Down there?! Are you crazy! +Down? Down there?! Are you crazy! I'm not leaving without those stones. +I'm not leaving without those stones. You're gonna get killed chasing after your damn fortune and glory! +You're gonna get killed chasing after your damn fortune and glory! Maybe... someday. Not today. +It's okay. You're all right now. They think I'm insane. Tell them I'm not, Indy. Please -- help me ... +What? You've got to go to sleep now. +You've got to go to sleep now. I want to go home... +I want to go home... I don't blame you... this hasn't been what you'd call a fun vacation... +Indy? Did you talk to them? Yes. +Yes. So now they believe me. +So now they believe me. Yes, they believe you. +I was scared to death last night when I thought they were going to kill you. No... they won't kill me. +No... they won't kill me. You know you've been nothing but trouble since I hooked up with you -- but I have to admit I'd miss you if I lost you... +What're we going to do?! There's got to be another way out. +I can't! Go! +Let her go! Our only chance is outrunning them! What above the curves?! +Anymore ideas...? Yeah -- this time you're gonna help! +I guess Mola Ram got what he wanted. Not quite. +The last Sankara Stone. And they don't even know what it really is. +And they don't even know what it really is. Well, you didn't get your prince, and there goes your diamond. +Well, you didn't get your prince, and there goes your diamond. You didn't do so well yourself. Finding that stone could've gotten you all the fortune and glory you were talking about. +You didn't do so well yourself. Finding that stone could've gotten you all the fortune and glory you were talking about. It's still a long way to Delhi. Who knows what might happen. +I get it! You got it! +This is the first time anybody ever cried when I left. They don't cry about you. They cry about the elephants leaving. +They don't cry about you. They cry about the elephants leaving. Figures... +Figures... They got no food to feed them. So they taking the elephants away to sell them. +Give me your hat... What for? +What for? I'm going to puke in it... +I don't appreciate being cooked like a french fry! Willie, come on! +I said something. I know you did! +No, not her. Me. Who's you? +My name is AL. Al ???!!! +Where are you,...Al? You're not gonna believe this... +You're not gonna believe this... Try me. +Try me. I'm...inside you. +I'm reporting you to the .....transit authority!!! What's going on? +...reporting....him... ventriloquism...On a bus Don't do that. +Don't do that. Why not. +Arrrgh! It wasn't him. +It wasn't him. Who was it? +Who was it? Me. +Me. Who? +Who? Al. +Al. Yes? +Yes? This candid camera? +You're in my head... Yes. +Yes. Your name is Al... +Your name is Al... Yes. +Yes. I see... +No...no...it's nothing.. Rehearsing a play... What light through yonder window breaks...It is Al... and he's in my head. What is your name? +What is your name? You're in my head? You don't know my name? +You're in my head? You don't know my name? I just got here. +I just got here. What??? You lose your lease on a condo? +What??? You lose your lease on a condo? Where are we? +Where are we? Where are we? We're on the street. We're walking down the street. We're talking to ourselves. People are staring at us. +Where are we? We're on the street. We're walking down the street. We're talking to ourselves. People are staring at us. What street? +What street? What street?! We're walking down QUEER STREET. We coming to Dopey Drive. We're about to be put somewhere quiet where they won't mind that we talk to ourselves. +What street?! We're walking down QUEER STREET. We coming to Dopey Drive. We're about to be put somewhere quiet where they won't mind that we talk to ourselves. Why don't we go home? +Why don't we go home? Go home. Good idea. Get some rest. +Go home. Good idea. Get some rest. ...I need to make a phone call. +...I need to make a phone call. Do me a favor, Al. +Do me a favor, Al. Yeah? +Yeah? Shut up! +Somebody's been here. Where are we now? +Where are we now? My place, can't you see? +My place, can't you see? No. +No. You're in my head, you can talk to me and hear what I say, but you can't see anything. +You're in my head, you can talk to me and hear what I say, but you can't see anything. Right. +Right. Kind of an oversight, wouldn't you say. +Kind of an oversight, wouldn't you say. I'm working on it. Soon as I find the right nerve bundle. +I'm working on it. Soon as I find the right nerve bundle. Nerve bundle! What are you doing? You just leave the nerve bundles right where they are. +Who are you? Who am I? +Who am I? Yeah...Who? +Yeah...Who? Well...If you're in my head... to you, I'm...GOD! +Quit screwing around, this is important. It's my head, I'll be the judge of that. Anyway, who are you? +It's my head, I'll be the judge of that. Anyway, who are you? I told you, my name is Al. +I told you, my name is Al. What are you doing in my head, Al? +You've heard of the PEM114... That a new Datsun? +Are you threatening me? I'm trying to get you to listen to reason. +Look! I didn't ask to be in you. Don't blame me for it. You did it. Me? What'd I do? +Me? What'd I do? Yeah. What did you do? You explain it. ...why I'm not at the lab right now, in my tube, with my crew. Explain that! +Yeah. What did you do? You explain it. ...why I'm not at the lab right now, in my tube, with my crew. Explain that! I don't know what you're talking about. +I don't know what you're talking about. The Nicholson Node. I suppose you haven't heard of that either. +The Nicholson Node. I suppose you haven't heard of that either. No. +No. You've heard of U.S.T.? +You've heard of U.S.T.? I just went there for a job. +I just went there for a job. Then how'd I get here? +I know...it sounds insane. You said it. +What are you doing? Loading a gun. +Loading a gun. What for? +What for? Kill myself. +Kill myself. Are you crazy? +Are you crazy? Yep. +Yep. Don't do it. Don't aim at the head. +Don't do it. Don't aim at the head. Used to be, things were bad. No job...no money...no girl. Now I got all that and I'm crazy too. +Used to be, things were bad. No job...no money...no girl. Now I got all that and I'm crazy too. You're not crazy. +You're not crazy. Hear voices don't I. +Hear voices don't I. Of course you do! +Of course you do! Then I'm crazy. +You're not crazy. Don't...wait a minute, just let me explain. You're gonna explain. +You're gonna explain. Yeah JOE Why there's a little man in my head? +Yeah JOE Why there's a little man in my head? Yeah. +Yeah. Why he's argumentative? +Why he's argumentative? Yes...Yes...I'll explain it all. Just put the gun down. +You'll be alive. With a man in my head... +With a man in my head... Yeah. +What was that? Who was that? Somebody out there? +You weren't listening! Sorry...all this...buzzing in my head. Why don't I just take you back to UST? +Sorry...all this...buzzing in my head. Why don't I just take you back to UST? Why don't you? +No they won't. Why not? +Why not? I'll talk to them. +I'll talk to them. Oh...Gooood! +Oh...Gooood! I'll tell you what to say. +I'll tell you what to say. If I get you back to the lab, will you get out of my head? +If I get you back to the lab, will you get out of my head? If I'm real, they'll get me out. If I'm not, they'll treat you. Either way you'll be better off than you are now. You'll get a reward. +Anyone there? No one. Maybe I dreamed it all up. +Behind us? Still clear. Just a motorcycle. +What's that? Nothing. Just the cyclist. He's passed us. +What'd he look like? He's not the problem. It's the van in the back. +What do I do? Outrun them. +Outrun them. This is a Fiesta! +Now what? Whatever you do, just...don't stop. +I wouldn't say that. Then what are you stopping for? +Get your breathing down. You sound like a cement mixer. Can't see a Goddamn thi.. +I want out. Too late...They want you. +Too late...They want you. Why? AL You know too much. +Why? AL You know too much. I don't know anything. I just want to go home. +I don't know anything. I just want to go home. You have no choice, you're involved. Will you help? +Calm Down! Act rational. How do you act when someone trys to kill you? +I don't know...To get Al. No. Don't tell the guards. +Did you hear that? Yeah. Al wants to talk to you! +It can't take that long. Why? +JOE Or what? I don't know. I don't want to find out. +They could put you back in the tube.. I'd be helpless and useless. They don't have the PEM. Without that...there's no chance. +I'd be helpless and useless. They don't have the PEM. Without that...there's no chance. Well...they sure as hell aren't gonna get it for you. +Well...they sure as hell aren't gonna get it for you. "They're busy covering their asses. They're not the type of people we need.""" +"They're busy covering their asses. They're not the type of people we need.""" Yeah...Who is? +Yeah...Who is? I am. You are. +I am. You are. You are CRAZY! +You are CRAZY! You're the one talking to a little guy in your head. ...We'll have to do it on our own. +You're the one talking to a little guy in your head. ...We'll have to do it on our own. What do you mean we. +What do you mean we. You gotta help. +You gotta help. I did. I brought you back here. +I did. I brought you back here. We're a team...My...talent. Your... mobility. +We're a team...My...talent. Your... mobility. Thanks. +Thanks. Think of the scientific data we'll gain. Come on, lets get out of here. +Think of the scientific data we'll gain. Come on, lets get out of here. I'm not leaving until you do. +Ever think of what they might have to do to find me? Find You? +Find You? I'm not gonna make it easy. +They'll have to take you apart. ...piece by piece. Why don't you just get out, leave me alone. +Sue them. I'll sue. +I don't like the sound of that. We have to get out of here. +We have to get out of here. Door's locked. +Door's locked. See the codelock? Punch this in. 26993 +Now what. Go out, take your first left. +Go out, take your first left. Just walk down the hall? +Just walk down the hall? With Authority! +Which way do I go? What does it say. +What does it say. Corridor A. +Corridor A. Take a left and your next right. +Take a left and your next right. Where are we going? +A lab and equipment. Is it familiar? Have you been here before. +Is it familiar? Have you been here before. I was thirsty. He told me to get a drink. +I was thirsty. He told me to get a drink. Who did? +Who did? The man. +Oh my God...What did he look like, the man? I can't remember.. +Like the guys that attacked us. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Black suits and helmets. +Black suits and helmets. That's it. They know I'm in here. We've got to find them. +That's it. They know I'm in here. We've got to find them. That's not a good idea. +That's not a good idea. They think we're safe here. They don't really need us. They're probably long gone. +They think we're safe here. They don't really need us. They're probably long gone. Gone where? +Gone where? Don't know. +You need ID in there? You do. To get out of here. You're gonna be me. +You do. To get out of here. You're gonna be me. I don't wanna be you. I wanna go home. +I don't wanna be you. I wanna go home. You can't go home. When UST finds we're gone, they'll come after you and put us away. +Anything...A feeling...a smell..? Nothing! +Wait a minute. The fight. Where did he get you? Just scratched my arm, why? +Just scratched my arm, why? I'll be out of touch for a while. Just get to the airport. +I'll be out of touch for a while. Just get to the airport. The airport! Hey, wait a minute. +I'm back. I'm at the airport. +I'm at the airport. Good. Get to a phone. +Who is it? Not who. A data bank. Just keep your ear to the phone and don't make a sound. +Don't talk, I told you. You just screwed it up. What am I supposed to do? +What am I supposed to do? Nothing. You just do nothing. +What is it? Composition of the sand, ...trace elements..unique... +What do we do? Send a man there. A secret agent. +Send a man there. A secret agent. Who?... Wait a minute! I'm no agent, secret or otherwise. And..I'm alone. +Who?... Wait a minute! I'm no agent, secret or otherwise. And..I'm alone. You are not alone. But you are incon- picuous...and, with our abilities... +You mean...just leave. We get on a plane. +We get on a plane. We get on which plane? +What about money? What about it? +What about it? I don't have any. +I don't have any. Use my credit cards. +Use my credit cards. I can't do that. +I can't do that. Why not? +Why not? It's illegal. +It's illegal. Who cares? +Who cares? I'll get in trouble. +I'll get in trouble. You are in trouble. Now do it. +...and a license to kill... Well, if not to kill, then to bother and annoy. +They'll know who I am. We'll change your appearance. +It's just not enough. It's attitude...how you carry yourself. +It's attitude...how you carry yourself. What's wrong with how I carry myself. +What's wrong with how I carry myself. Nothing, but it's yours. Change it. Change your whole persona. +Nothing, but it's yours. Change it. Change your whole persona. Oh yeah, to what? +Oh yeah, to what? You'll be me. +You'll be me. I don't want to be you. I don't even like you, why would I want to be you? +I don't want to be you. I don't even like you, why would I want to be you? Because you got my ID. Now brace yourself. I'm gonna try something with your glands. +Because you got my ID. Now brace yourself. I'm gonna try something with your glands. You leave my glands alone! +Now what? The beach. +The beach. The beach? +The beach? How else do you get seaweed under your nails? +How else do you get seaweed under your nails? Eating sushi? +Eating sushi? Just get there. +Holy shit! What is it? +What is it? ...Just beautiful. +Do you notice anything. The sky, the sun, the sea... There's no one here. It's deserted. What now? +The sky, the sun, the sea... There's no one here. It's deserted. What now? Swim. +Swim. Good Idea! +Take it easy, now. Don't want you in over your head. Little late for that. +Here...all the seaweed you want. Now, what? You eat it. +You eat it. You eat it. You know what this stuff tastes like? +You eat it. You know what this stuff tastes like? I'm living on freeze dried limas and ham. Just eat it. +Now what? The sand. +The sand. Eat it? +Eat it? Eat it. +Eat it. I don't want to eat it. +I don't want to eat it. Why not? +Why not? It's sand. +It's sand. For chrissakes, it's only sand. You should see some of the stuff that's floating around in here. That sand's the cleanest thing in you, including me. Now EAT it! +Now lie down somewhere quiet and rest, I'll be back in a while. Where are you going? Wait! +Al, are you doing anything in there? What? What do you mean? +What? What do you mean? Are you screwing with any nerves? +Beautiful! What was? +What was? A girl. +This must be business, there's nothing else here. Follow it. +She's...pretty fast. You're out of shape. +What is it? She's beautiful...! What do I do? +You're beautiful.. What's happening? +What's happening? She doesn't seem to understand. +She doesn't seem to understand. Try another language. +Try another language. Which language? +Which language? How should I know? +Help me out, will you? What can I do? You're on your own. +What do I do? Don't just stand there, say something. +Don't just stand there, say something. What? +What? Anything. Aw hell...Just tell her the truth. +. . +Wait. Wait. +Where is she staying? Where are you staying? +Touch her. What? +What? Touch some part of her body. Trust me. It works. +...Joe. No...you idiot! +What happened? ...Rene... +Where are you going? To the hotel. To register. +To the hotel. To register. Without your pants. +Without your pants. Maybe they won't stand on ceremony. +Good thing I'm here to do the thinking. Yeah. Some help. That poetry really killed her. +Yeah. Some help. That poetry really killed her. It worked. +It worked. I made it work. +I made it work. You stumbled around. Remember, you've got my ID, you've got to be me, not some stumblebum. +You stumbled around. Remember, you've got my ID, you've got to be me, not some stumblebum. Rene... +Rene... I'm not some hot shot test pilot. I'm not some playboy. I don't usually pick up girls. +I'm not some hot shot test pilot. I'm not some playboy. I don't usually pick up girls. Well you did it today. +Well you did it today. Yeah. I did it. +Yeah. I did it. But, you've got to have... sophistication ...savoir faire. +Now, where would I be? What are you looking at? +But what's it look like? What's nothing look like? ...it looks like nothing. +What's nothing look like? ...it looks like nothing. Is something glinting? +What is it? Looks like...the optic nerve. I can see out! +You really like that shirt? This...is not going to work out. +Much too blue. Not blue enough. +Mind your own business. It is my business. It's my name. +It is my business. It's my name. But the rest is me. I'll dress like I want. +Not that tie with that coat. Why not?! +What did that cost? You want sophistication, it don't come cheap. +You want sophistication, it don't come cheap. Doesn't. +Which one is she? The beautiful one. +They both look good to me. You have no taste. +Get close to them. That place. By the window. +You're not just after this girl, are you? Who, me? +You got a better idea, you tell me. Other than her, there's no one here I know. Pan the group, will you. If you're right, at least one of them...is involved. +Pan the group, will you. If you're right, at least one of them...is involved. That's a big if. +Who are they? Stay on them, will you. How can we find out...Wait. The glasses. What glasses. +What glasses. The drinks...Stay on them. +Follow that busboy. Are you serious? +I feel like an idiot. Just hold them close and stay still. +Which one? The blond...GRUNER. A killer. +The blond...GRUNER. A killer. Killer! +Just don't show fear. I don't know what's going on. +I don't know what's going on. It lends you an air of mystery. +He recognises you, throw him off. My coast is Maine, actually. We have a place in Bar Harbor...And a bar in Sutton Place. +My coast is Maine, actually. We have a place in Bar Harbor...And a bar in Sutton Place. Don't get too cute. +Joe, be careful! ...I've lost something. I must get it back. +They're all in it. How do you know? +How do you know? Voice stress analyzer. +Voice stress analyzer. Your data must be bad. Everyone can't be lying all the time. +Even Rene? She's the toughest to read. +She's the toughest to read. Maybe she's telling the truth. +Maybe she's telling the truth. Can't tell. Every time I try her, you look away. Or you make noises. Maybe you don't want to know. +Can't tell. Every time I try her, you look away. Or you make noises. Maybe you don't want to know. Come on...look at her. Don't you know anything about women?... The data is skewed. We might as well go with instinct... +What is it, your charm? This just won't work. +This just won't work. You're doing great with her. +You're doing great with her. Not her. You! +Not her. You! What is it? +What is it? You can't listen. You can't watch either. +It's embarrassing. What if she says something important? +What if she says something important? I'll be right here. I'll keep it in mind. I'll get a lot more from her without you butting in. +I'll be right here. I'll keep it in mind. I'll get a lot more from her without you butting in. What am I supposed to do? +What am I supposed to do? You got any books in there? +You got any books in there? Oh come on. +Oh come on. You shut down your sensors. +You shut down your sensors. Joe! It's 56 hours! +Joe! It's 56 hours! I mean it. You watch old tapes of the ballgame, I'll fill you in... later. I mean it. +What Happened? I don't know! +I don't know! What she say. What'd you get out of her? +Ahhh...works...Ryuji... travel...just business...She's.. Fine Arts, University of Tokyo.. Is that all? +Is that all? Oh, you were right. They've all been here before... met just last week. +She's got the most beautiful...s Shit! You're in love. +And on my time. It's not your time. I get time off. +It's not your time. I get time off. You get time off to sleep. +No. What do you hope? AL I hope. I just hope. That someday, you're real small, and you've got no time. And you got no one to help you. And you depend on me. And you know what I'll do? No. What will you do. +No. What will you do. I...I'll got to the movies. That's what I'll do! +You been had. We have. It wasn't like that. +Some agent you are. Why don't you get out of my face. +Bingo. You found her. +You found her. Better. I found Ryuji. +Better. I found Ryuji. That's good. It's not better. Where? +That's good. It's not better. Where? Osaka. +Osaka. Osaka? +Osaka? Fountainhead of High-Tech. +Don't you think I stand out like this. We are trying to stand out. Right near his address. Easier to get them to come to us, than to try and find them. ..now keep your eyes open, something might present itself. +We are trying to stand out. Right near his address. Easier to get them to come to us, than to try and find them. ..now keep your eyes open, something might present itself. I'm running in circles in the middle of some foreign country. I don't speak their language, they don't speak mine. I don't even know where I am. What's going to present itse........ +What do I do? Follow her. +Follow her. On what? +On what? Run, stupid! +Come on, she's getting away. I can't keep up. +Beer. And cakes...cookies ..anything bad. That's not funny. +Sapporo.. Just stay here and rest. +Just stay here and rest. Where are you going? +Where are you going? Down to your heart. I'm gonna clean some fat out before you drop on me. +Down to your heart. I'm gonna clean some fat out before you drop on me. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Al, you leave my heart alone... +`Joe. I'm here. You're Okay. What do I do? +What do I do? Relax. Let me do this. +Relax. Make your mind a blank. It is a blank. This is no time for Zen. +What are you doing? Wait a minute. Lets think this through. You think. That's what you're good at. +Yeah...You've fallen for her. I told you, I have a feeling... +I told you, I have a feeling... One of your instincts? +One of your instincts? I know she's not with them. I know something else. What's bothering you isn't her. +Don't touch a thing. Don't worry! +...drink it. Too late. +What next! Drink lots of water. +I can't... You have to! Quickly! +You have to! Quickly! ...imagine a better grape for the region. +What are you doing? Trying to analyze this stuff. Now...go to the medicine shelf and take ---- and ----. +Ow! A hard left. A hard left. +Door to the right. Get up and run. I can't see a thing. +I can't see a thing. Neither can they. +What? Never mind, just say it. +He was with Gruner! You were with GRUNER! +I need a guide and you need a client...and $1000. No. You can't trust her. +Hiroshima! She's going, with us? Are you out of your mind. Probably. +Probably. I don't trust her. +I don't trust her. Then why let her out of our sight? Besides, she's all we've got... +It's him. Come on. +Plenty of circuits in a Walkman... I've got an idea. +I've got an idea. I was afraid of that. +You sure this will work? Not sure at all. +Not sure at all. Well at least talk it up, then. I feel like an idiot. +Well at least talk it up, then. I feel like an idiot. Just say the words. Just like I told you. +What was it? What'd I say? You said 100,000 yen for the right Sony Walkman. +haka xuki. haka xuki. What's that mean? +haka xuki. What's that mean? Cash. +Left...The one with the red dot. Well...? +Well...? It's not the one...Wait... there's a label. +He hung us up dry. While he makes the run. +While he makes the run. Where? +It's in the watch. He lead us on that chase while Dieter brought the chip into Hong Kong. And Dieter? +And Dieter? He must not know. GRUNER just made the switch back. +Then, why'd he lead us here. He didn't. He left us that walkman chip to confuse us. Would have kept most people busy. We were too fast for him. +Do it. I can't handle that thing. +I can't handle that thing. Don't worry, I can. +Are you alright? Just fine. I'll do the driving from now on. +Aim just in front of his face. Aim what? +Holy... ...Shit! It's just money. +He aready made the deal.. The man we want has the PEM, and is across the border by now. +The man we want has the PEM, and is across the border by now. Dieter! +Dieter! GRUNER switched the chip to him, not from him, then he led us away again...to Chiang Cho. +There's a lot you don't know. And don't let her know, either. +This may hurt. Well, don't let it. What are you doing? +Pretty advanced, isn't it? Ought to be, they stole everything and reverse-engineered it. Looks like all they need is the chip. +Do something. What exactly? +What exactly? I don't know. +What happened? Losing power. The laser drained it. +Be quiet. Where've you been? +Where've you been? Never mind that, where are we now. +Never mind that, where are we now. We are in a dungeon. How do we get out? +We are in a dungeon. How do we get out? Gimme a minute. +Gimme a minute. Looks like you can have all you want. +I can always flush you down the toilet. Keep thinking. +Keep thinking. I have been... I think you're right. +I have been... I think you're right. About what? +About what? Dieter asked where I was. He expected me here. Maybe someone was assigned to bring me here. +Dieter asked where I was. He expected me here. Maybe someone was assigned to bring me here. Rene? +Rene? She works for them. +She works for them. Now, you're too suspicious. +Now, you're too suspicious. You were the one who was always suspicious of her! +You were the one who was always suspicious of her! I was wrong. She tried to help us get away. +I was wrong. She tried to help us get away. No. She just stayed with us. Like she did all along. +She is beautiful. You've changed your mind. +Not really. Truth is...I was ..jealous. Of you. Thing is...I think I'm in love with her. +Thing is...I think I'm in love with her. Oh no! +I know it's no good. I've no right to be jealous. She's in love with you. Anyone can see that. +She's in love with you. Anyone can see that. They can? +You're a lucky man. Yeah, sure. +She's so lovely. It's all my fault...I was wrong. You're lovely. +I don't know how we're gonna get out of this, but we will, somehow. I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done. +I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done. I want to thank you for what you've done. +Awwww... I mean it! No one else would have helped. I take it all back, everything I've said about you. +Don't worry, I owe you a lot. I'm not gonna let us rot here. I'm gonna find us a way out. I'll get us out of here. +I'll get us out of here. Don't worry about me. You take this time for your own, you two..... +In a way, we're like brothers... I can't have her. I want you to. That's nice. +What are you doing? Sending what we know back to U.S.T. via satellite. +JOE Go to, What the Hell does that mean?!! GO-TOE. It's some islands. +GO-TOE. It's some islands. JOE What does some island have to do with this? It's a mistake? +JOE What does some island have to do with this? It's a mistake? It's all we've got. +JOE What abilities...? Face it, we're the men for the job. Besides, if someone is really chasing you, the best way to avoid them is to keep moving ...and FIND THE GODDAMN PEM. +I've got twenty hours left. I could die in here. And you're falling in love. JOE It's not love. It's like. It's real strong like. And I got your information. Now, get off my back! +JOE It's not love. It's like. It's real strong like. And I got your information. Now, get off my back! Some friend you are! You know what I hope? +You just got a Mickey. RYUJI Bandaio. Grown near here. +Not that truth! Aren't we all. +Sorry... It'll remind me of you. +It'll remind me of you. Works like a charm when I use it. You didn't say it right. +Doesn't matter. What part what? +What part what? The best part. She'll love it. +I've seen that before. Never had anyone actually do it. Do what? What'd you do? +What is your name? Don't give her your name. +No! Oh, I can't. +Oh, I can't. Good. +We've ruined his market in Japan.. Where's Dieter? Dieter? +I'm against it. I insist. +Can you fly this? Don't worry. +I'm...scared. Look, I don't know how we're gonna get out of this. +I didn't do anything. I know we fight, but I don't mean it. You're quite a guy. No one else could have dealt with this. +Nice? In my own way...I want you to know that...I love you. +What kind of a deal? Let us get to the border! +Let us get to the border! Then what? +I knew you were trouble. Trouble...is, if we both get stuck here. +What happened? Joe's escaped. Dieter's in him. +Joe's escaped. Dieter's in him. In him? +In him? It's a long story. +It's a long story. ya hyutn slulptsa? +They have stolen state property. What a nerve! +I knew he was following us. He diverted attention, exposed Ryuji's trap.. Rene? +Rene? She found out what she could ...and delivered him here. +Impossible. I'll prove it. We'll repeat their procedures...put a man in our POD, bring it down, and then...inject him. +If there is a POD inside him, We'll find it, and bring it out for study. Who's our little man? +Who's our little man? Me. +Me. No. If anything happened, you'd be stuck in there like he was. +No. If anything happened, you'd be stuck in there like he was. I take the last chip in with me. I use it, to control re-enlargement, from inside. +You didn't tell us you were coming? Then how did you know? +You've cut your hair? I dyed it. We're all getting old. +PEM115! **?!! +**?!! Newer, more powerful design. +How about a deal? We'll let you go. You leave the pods and the PEM. +Surveillance Cameras? They took the tapes. +They took the tapes. You have nothing... +You have nothing... We don't even know where to start. What about these people? What do we do with them? +We'll have to let them go. Surveilliance on them all. +Must be delayed effects of the drug... I'll get him out of here. He work for us? +He work for us? Ah...no sir. He was here for a job interview. +What Job? Doesn't matter. Then put him away. +Doesn't matter. Then put him away. Sir? +Sir? Private clinic. Best of care. Total privacy. We'll pay all costs. +Private clinic. Best of care. Total privacy. We'll pay all costs. Bit expensive, sir. +Bit expensive, sir. It's the least we can do. After all, it's our responsibility. +Who is your friend? We met on the beach. +We met on the beach. Join us. +What are you doing here, where've you been? I have a new client. +I have a new client. That crazy guy? +That crazy guy? Yes. Joe. +Well, I'm glad to see you. Sorry things broke up like that. It's just money. +It's just money. Hey, sit in the car. I'll get you a fee. Make up for what you lost on the tour. +Yes? He's not an ordinary man. +He's not an ordinary man. Enough ROmance. +Enough ROmance. He's...more. Somehow, enhanced... He's...zxflbbgt! +I don't want to intrude. We insist. +Al Viola. That name's familiar. +That name's familiar. It is to me too. +It is to me too. You remind me of someone. You from the west coast? +...Foreign service. And how do you service foreigners. +And how do you service foreigners. Well...I try to give them whatever they want. +What brings you here? I came for a rest. As, I imagine, you did. To get away with it all. +And...you know Jan Gruner? I think I've heard of you. +Now remember, your short term memory may have been affected. What? +What? Your memory. +Your memory. What about it? +What about it? It may have been affected. +It may have been affected. Oh. +Oh. You may not remember things. +You may not remember things. What things? +What things? I don't know...the last couple of hours...last few days. +I don't know...the last couple of hours...last few days. Oh...that's okay. +Oh...that's okay. When you do... +When you do... Do what? +Do what? When you remember... +When you remember... Remember what? +Remember what? Anything....You call us right away. You got that? +Anything....You call us right away. You got that? Yeah. If I remember anything... I call ...you +Yeah. If I remember anything... I call ...you Right. +Right. Who...are you? +Who...are you? Sergeant Finnegan. Name's right there on the card. Are you sure you're alright? +Sergeant Finnegan. Name's right there on the card. Are you sure you're alright? How do I look? +How do I look? Fine. You look fine. +Fine. You look fine. Thanks. +Thanks. Well... +Well... Well what? +Well what? We're here. +We're here. Here? +Here? Home. Your home. The address on your form. +Home. Your home. The address on your form. Oh. +Oh. Don't you want to get out? +Don't you want to get out? Oh....Sure. +Oh....Sure. Why don't you lie down until you feel better. +Why don't you lie down until you feel better. I feel fine. +I feel fine. You'll feel better +You'll feel better I will? +I will? Look, we'll bring your car home. just take it easy until the effects wear off. You need anything, just call this number. +Joe. What? +What? Take the card. +Take the card. Oh yeah, thanks... +Now, Joe, you know it was all a mistake, don't you? No, it wasn't, It was intentional. +No, it wasn't, It was intentional. Why would we want to hurt you? +Why would we want to hurt you? Not you. Them. +Not you. Them. Who? +Who? I don't know Who. +Al? The little man in my... ...head... +I'm not going anywhere until you get this guy out of my head. Of course you're not. We'll take good care of you. +Ahhh...nothing. Been complaning of hallucinations. +Been complaning of hallucinations. Not...complaining, actually. +Not...complaining, actually. Been hearing voices. +Was quite excited, when he came in... Much better now, thank you. Just sit here quietly...see there's nothing to worry about...just be my old self again....soon... +Sue who? You...him...UST. +That Rene...lovely girl...a killer! I noticed you staring. +I noticed you staring. Couldn't help it. No offense. She's not your wife is she...? +And you, there are many places to get away. Why here? A little voice in my head. +You may you find all the solitude you want. Thanks, I appreciate that. +Don't do it! Just give me the keys. +Just give me the keys. Whatever it is, don't do it. +How's that for fucking Savoir Fair! Sir? +How's that Trucklhouser Beer? We have Henekin, Kirin... Very good, sir. +We have Henekin, Kirin... Very good, sir. This sophistication ain't tough. All it takes is a credit card. +Now you know what I know. Sir? +About cholesterol...You know what I know, you'd have the seafood. Ahhh. Good choice, sir. +The fresh tuna?.. Yessir...very good sir. +Yes...What is it? What's what? +What's what? What do you want? +What do you want? Nothing. +Nothing. What did you say? +What did you say? Nothing. +Nothing. What? +What? I said...I didn't say..anything! +I said...I didn't say..anything! Then who did? +Then who did? You did. JOE No I didn't. You said something first. +Oh...and who is it!? I didn't say anything. +What do you do about what? ...I'm looking for someone. +Is someone else here? No. No one to speak of. +No. No one to speak of. I am confused. Or maybe it's you. +...Blake Blake? +Blake? The poet...something he said... +The poet...something he said... Yes? +Blake said that? Yeah. One of the corniest lines I ever heard. +I'll be right there. Where? +Where? Dinner...tonight. +Dinner...tonight. Oh...I can't. Business. +And you. ...right here too. +...right here too. Haven't seen you around. +I can't do that? Do what? +Do what? Let you leave without it. +Let you leave without it. Without what? +What's so funny? Nothing...Al. Why do you talk that way? +Nothing...Al. Why do you talk that way? What way? +What way? Like there's someone else here. +Wait. What's your name? ...Rene. +You mean from it. Yes, of course. +And you? I just work for the travel firm. +You again. Me still. They left you alone? +Me still. They left you alone? I waited for you. +I waited for you. Why? +Why? ...I...don't know. +I guess it's a combination you don't often see. Apparent attraction.. It's not apparent. +It's not apparent. ...and sort of...disinterest. +...and sort of...disinterest. Disinterest? +Disinterest? As if your mind's not all there. +As if your mind's not all there. I am sort of scattered. +I am sort of scattered. Can I help? +Can I help? You are. +You are. Are you alright? +Promise you what? That you're not crazy. +That you're not crazy. I promise you that. I am not crazy. Course, if I was, I'd be the last to know. Why do you ask? +I promise you that. I am not crazy. Course, if I was, I'd be the last to know. Why do you ask? You talk to yourself. +You talk to yourself. But I don't listen...then I'd be crazy. +But I don't listen...then I'd be crazy. Why do you do it? +Why do you do it? If I was with you, I wouldn't +If I was with you, I wouldn't You did. +You did. That was then. This is now. Who am I talking to? +That was then. This is now. Who am I talking to? You're talking to me. +You're talking to me. And how'm I doing? +And how'm I doing? You're doing...Okay. +You're doing...Okay. Just Okay... +...Ummm, you really work for the foreign service? ...Naw. Made that up. +...Naw. Made that up. Who do you work for? +Who do you work for? No one. No one at all. I'm unemployed. Who do you? +No one. No one at all. I'm unemployed. Who do you? Trans Ocean Travel. +Trans Ocean Travel. Is that Ryuji? +Is that Ryuji? No. Ryuji just hires us. +No. Ryuji just hires us. Hires you for what? +Hires you for what? To organize things. Meetings and travel...Whenever they come here, I handle details. +To organize things. Meetings and travel...Whenever they come here, I handle details. How often they come here? +How often they come here? He likes the quiet. They were here last week. +He likes the quiet. They were here last week. And you, what do you like? +And you, what do you like? That depends... +Joe! What happened to you? Why'd you run off? +Why did you leave? They left. I had to go with them. +They left. I had to go with them. Why didn't you tell me? +Why did you stay with me? Wanted to get to know you. +Wanted to get to know you. Why? +Why? You seemed interesting. +You seemed interesting. Who else is interested in me? +Who else is interested in me? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Your friends, did they ask about me? +Your friends, did they ask about me? They kidded me a little. +They kidded me a little. What did you tell them? +What did you tell them? There's not much to tell. +There's not much to tell. Why did they leave? +Why did they leave? I don't know, Ryuji said there was a change of plans. +I don't know, Ryuji said there was a change of plans. You work for Ryuji? +You work for Ryuji? Sometimes. I told you I did. +Sometimes. I told you I did. Were you working for him last night? +Were you working for him last night? Last night? +Last night? Did he put you up to it? Did he ask you to sleep with me? +Did he put you up to it? Did he ask you to sleep with me? No, he didn't do that. +No, he didn't do that. He didn't. +He didn't. No. +No. Who did? +Who did? You did. +I'm not worried, I'm not going to eat it. This is a tough place to keep Kosher. +You're leaving. Food doesn't agree with me. +Food doesn't agree with me. I'm leaving too. +I'm leaving too. Why? +Why? This business is over. +This business is over. I'm sorry. What will you do? +I'm sorry. What will you do? Go back to Tokyo. Try to get another tour....You're following GRUNER? +Go back to Tokyo. Try to get another tour....You're following GRUNER? I'm just on vacation. +I'm just on vacation. Now, so am I...What's so interesting about him? +You know where he went? What's he done? +What's he done? He stole something. From a friend of mine. +He stole something. From a friend of mine. He must be a good friend. +He must be a good friend. We're very close. +We're very close. What'd he steal? +What'd he steal? A chip. Goes in a computer. +A chip. Goes in a computer. One chip? +One chip? The most important one. Can you help me find him? +The most important one. Can you help me find him? How do you know you can trust me? +How do you know you can trust me? Got to trust someone. +I don't know. He mentioned a city. What is it? +What is it? Hiroshima. +Hiroshima. Get your things. +You don't believe me. Oh sure. +Oh sure. Then why are you smiling like that? +Then why are you smiling like that? Lots of my clients are rich guys... They like danger..like playing with drugs and things...running around, acting mysterious. +Lots of my clients are rich guys... They like danger..like playing with drugs and things...running around, acting mysterious. You think I'm like that? +What's Gruner like? They'd never talk in front of me. They'd walk away up the beach. Nervous about something. +They'd never talk in front of me. They'd walk away up the beach. Nervous about something. Who was? +Who was? Ryuji and Gruner. +Ryuji and Gruner. And Dieter. +And Dieter. Friend of Gruner. Just went along for the party. +Friend of Gruner. Just went along for the party. And you? +And you? It was a good job. Not many ways for a foreigner to make money here. Ryuji hires me to organize business meetings...take care of things. +Where we going? Beats me. +This boat doesn't go anywhere. Just toots around the Inland Sea. Must be a pick-up, a rendezvous. +Must be a pick-up, a rendezvous. Then where's the chip. +What? He plays it all the time. +Now what? We figure out if it's in here. +We figure out if it's in here. How? +How? Why don't you get us some food. This may take some time. +That must be him. Water taxi. Get us one. +Get us one. Too late, they won't come back out till morning. +Where what? Where would you go to sell a chip? +If Gruner led us away, Who'd he lead us away from? Hong Kong. +Hong Kong. What? +What? Dieter's gone to shoot a still job. Hong Kong. +Wait a minute! How'd you know Dieter was coming here? I asked him. +I asked him. Oh. +Why'd you ask him. He's a client of mine! What's the matter. You can't suspect Dieter. He's a famous photographer. He makes millions. +He's a client of mine! What's the matter. You can't suspect Dieter. He's a famous photographer. He makes millions. Maybe I'm wrong. Then GRUNER won't be here. +What? I said just relax. I'm in full control. +Chiang Cho? ...across THE BORDER. Come on! +...across THE BORDER. Come on! That's not this direction. It's back the other way. +That's not this direction. It's back the other way. You've been there? +You've been there? I know the territory. +I know the territory. You coming along? +So do I. This going to work? +This going to work? Maybe they're expecting Gruner. I'm gonna be him. +Maybe they're expecting Gruner. I'm gonna be him. He's Dutch. You can't even speak Dutch. +Why not? Can you? +Can you? Sure I can, can't I? +What happened? I can't fly it. +I can't fly it. What'd...you forget? +Are you alright? Yes. No. I'm...okay. They can't do this. They can't hold us here. +Yes. No. I'm...okay. They can't do this. They can't hold us here. Looks like they can. What did they do? +Looks like they can. What did they do? They asked about you. +They asked about you. What did you tell them? +What did you tell them? That I really don't know. +That I really don't know. Now what? +Now what? They'll listen to what we say in here. +What? Oh, about Dieter, Yes. It was him. Gruner works for him. Why? +What a mess. You can say that again. What do we do? +You can say that again. What do we do? Nothing we can do. +What? They can hold us here forever. Nobody knows about us. +They can hold us here forever. Nobody knows about us. Can't you do something? +I'm sorry I got you into this. It was my choice. +Don't blame yourself, I didn't have to come along. Why did you, then? +Why did you, then? For you. +I encouraged you to come here. My fault as much as yours. I was...crazy...desperate. I took it out on you. I didn't mean it. I know what she sees in you. You're kind and you're brave. If I ever get out of you, I'll be glad to call you my friend. +How? What? +Now what? I've never met anyone like you. +Uh...wonderful. I know I'm strange, but in my own way, I love you I love you too. +Don't worry. Why not, what are you going to do? +Why not, what are you going to do? Escape. +Just like that? I'll come back for you. +I'll come back for you. Aren't you a little optimistic? +You son of a bitch! You conned me! You're gonna laugh. +Kiss her you fool. Her? +Who are you? Who do you work for? Doesn't matter. I'm on your side. +Doesn't matter. I'm on your side. I knew it. I told him. +I knew it. I told him. Now what? +Now what? We just don't stop. +He can't help us. Do something! +Do something! Do what? I don't know. I'm no good at this. +Do what? I don't know. I'm no good at this. You are, I've seen you. +You are, I've seen you. It wasn't me. It was him. +It wasn't me. It was him. It was you. +It was you. He told me what to do. +He told me what to do. But you did it. It was you. +It was me. He just told me how...I wish he could tell me now. If he was able, what would he say. +Come on. That's twenty feet high. +That's twenty feet high. "Like Al says...""Under stress, the human body is capable of impossible feats." +Riuji? I told you, I work for him. +What is it? We're not moving fast enough for him. +He wants to apologise. He should do it in person ...I mean ex person. +He should do it in person ...I mean ex person. Yeah...I have to get away. +Yeah...I have to get away. I know a nice island. +Must be a fulfilling occupation. It keeps me busy. Everybody always wants something. +What could you find in this place? ...Piece of mind. +Excuse me? Could have been drunk a little sooner, but excellent...good character...What is it? +I can't. He didn't do anything. Thanks to you. Why are you on to him? +Why are you on to him? We've had thefts of our new stuff ...GRUNER deals in this... A big deal is going down now. I went to see if GRUNER had anything to sell. But he didn't make any moves...And when you arrived, he backed off. +We've had thefts of our new stuff ...GRUNER deals in this... A big deal is going down now. I went to see if GRUNER had anything to sell. But he didn't make any moves...And when you arrived, he backed off. Why'd you invite me here? +Why'd you invite me here? Someone is selling. You followed us. If it's not him, it must be you. If it's not you, it must be him... You scared him off. +Someone is selling. You followed us. If it's not him, it must be you. If it's not you, it must be him... You scared him off. What about the others. +What about the others. I don't know. +Joe Doakes? It's quarter to 10... I'm sorry. We're running behind. So many applicants...so few jobs... If you'll just have a seat. +I'm sorry. We're running behind. So many applicants...so few jobs... If you'll just have a seat. I have a seat. I've had it since nine. +I have a seat. I've had it since nine. ...Mr. Athol will be with you as soon as possible. Will you be able to wait? +Is there anything else? A drink... +A drink... Water fountain's through that door, down the hall. +Water fountain's through that door, down the hall. Thanks. +Wait. Why? +Why? You can't take that. +You can't take that. Why not? +Why not? The experiment. The danger... +It's alright. It is? +It is? It will be fine. You have another. +It will be fine. You have another. Just one. The back up. +Just one. The back up. Could I have it, please. +Could I have it, please. I can't get it out. It would take hours. +I can't get it out. It would take hours. That's alright. Just tear it apart. +That's alright. Just tear it apart. Tear it apart? +Tear it apart? Yes. +Yes. Ahhh...Okay?!!! +Mom...what are you doing here? Leaving, now go to sleep. ...all of you. +Right there. Thank you. +This the only spare? Yes. +Yes. The other working. +The other working. Perfectly. +Ow?... It'l be alright. +It'l be alright. It will. +It will. It doesn't hurt. +It doesn't hurt. No? +Screw the PEM...What about Al... Poor bastard. +What'd he say, how's he know about Al? What does he know? +What does he know? Too much. +Look, nobody knows we did it. Whoever took it does. +It'l take months. So we better get started. +So we better get started. What about Al... +Hi, honey. Hi, Daddy. +Hi, Daddy. What's new? +What's new? Ms. Laufer gave me a star today. +Ms. Laufer gave me a star today. Yeah? What for? +Yeah? What for? For reading. +That's great... Little early for cartoons, isn't it? Okay. +Sweetheart, c'mon. C'mon. She was playing with my Pooh doll again... +Here we go. Deep breaths, deep breaths. She was playing with the Pooh doll. +She was playing with the Pooh doll. "Pooh's dusty, sweetheart... he's dusty, and you breathed him in, okay? So what's -- what's happening to you now is... cells called mast cells told your lungs ""don't breathe any more of that dust in."" ...and the airways in your lungs are like branches. And when the branches close up, you get an asthmatic attack. And, we give you medicine, and you get better. Huh? Okay? You're better already, aren't you?" +I'll take some. Instant rice...? +Instant rice...? Can I go over to Janeane's house? +Hey, baby. What's wrong? What's that outside, Daddy? +What's that outside, Daddy? Did you see somebody or did you hear them? +Did you see somebody or did you hear them? I heard them. +I heard them. Where? +Where? In the backyard. +He's into kind of little cars, that... That remote control thing? +That remote control thing? Yeah. +Yeah. Alright, we'll do that tomorrow. +Alright, we'll do that tomorrow. Mom. +Mom. Yes, baby? +Yes, baby? There's Dad, on TV. +Let me tell you something, Lowell. Look, look, look. You're talking about two agents in a regional office in Louisville. I got the goddamn Unabomber threatening to blow up LAX! I gotta move 45 agents from all over the country into L.A. Alright? When I get a chance, I'll give it a look... You better take a good look! Because I'm getting two things: pissed off and curious! Now, any of these guys been offered jobs in corporate security after they retire? Either one of those guys have ex-agent pals already in those jobs? Like, for instance, their ex-supervisor, who's already at Brown & Williamson as we fucking speak? +"Just ran into two of your ""geologists."" Geologists whose hands aren't all chewed up...?" Lowell? +We'll give you a heads up before we launch. How long? +How long? Three hours. +Three hours. You got a deal. +Well, are you or are you not, Charlie? You bet we are. And I can't talk to you now. +You bet we are. And I can't talk to you now. We gotta hook up. +We gotta hook up. Sure. Where? +Sure. Where? P.J.'s. +P.J.'s. I'll be there. +When's your deadline? Monday. +Monday. Push it. +Push it. What? Forget it. +What? Forget it. It's a smear campaign, Charlie. +It's a smear campaign, Charlie. It's drawn from a selectively circulated... +It's drawn from a selectively circulated... Oh, it's real selective... about as hard to get a hold of as the Manhattan phone book. +Oh, it's real selective... about as hard to get a hold of as the Manhattan phone book. Well, it's authoritative and is overwhelmingly documented. +Well, it's authoritative and is overwhelmingly documented. And it's bullshit. And if I'm right, are you going to put the Journal's reputation behind a story that's going to blow up in your face? +And it's bullshit. And if I'm right, are you going to put the Journal's reputation behind a story that's going to blow up in your face? I'll take a look at what you got. But I'm not moving any deadlines 'cause you say so. +Are you all right? Yeah. Catch you later. +These are their leads, their sources. I want you to have your reporters... Suein Hwang and Milo Geyelin. +Suein Hwang and Milo Geyelin. Have them make their own calls. They'll find that these sources have a different story than the one that's in the dossier... Push the deadline, Charlie... +I want you to get legal onto CORPORATE CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENTS. Boundaries of their constraint. Kentucky state law about. I want you to drop everything. Okay. +What does that do? What do you mean, what's it do? +What do you mean, what's it do? What I mean is, like, how does it cut through the confidentiality agreement? +What I mean is, like, how does it cut through the confidentiality agreement? Because he has to reveal it in a court of law. It's on record, it's out. It's no secret anymore. So how can they restrain his speech or retaliate? It's out in the world... +Shit... Oh, we need cops on the street. We don't need them on horses. +Oh, we need cops on the street. We don't need them on horses. I don't know what he was thinking. +I don't know what he was thinking. Oh, for God's sake, what has this guy got, a horse fetish? +Oh, for God's sake, what has this guy got, a horse fetish? Alright, alright. +Alright, alright. Get me to New Orleans this afternoon. I'll shoot the fucking thing myself! +When's the air date? Excuse me, Lowell. Sharon's on line 3. +Excuse me, Lowell. Sharon's on line 3. Tell her I'll call her back in ten. +What was that about? Get me Wigand. +Get me Wigand. Sure. +Sure. ...fuck is this? Fuck! +I can't get out of here til mid- morning. I'll be in tomorrow night... Listen, could you call a number for me, it's in Mississippi... Okay. Hold on a second... What is it? +Yeah. Yeah, sure. I'll see if I can find him. Hold on... Yeah, Don's looking for you... Good. +Good. "The sub-heading is, ""Brown & Williamson Has a 500-Page Dossier Attacking Chief Critic."" It quotes Richard Scruggs calling it ""the worst kind of an organized smear campaign against a whistle-blower.""" +Can I go to dance tomorrow? I'm better... ...if you are, then I'll take Barbara to soccer and take you to dance after... +Do you want more rice? Maybe later. +Maybe later. How about you? +What are you cooking? I'm cooking pasta primavera. +I'm cooking pasta primavera. Oh, I love that stuff. +I heard Wigand's deposition got sealed. "Yeah, they argued he was going to reveal the secret formula of ""Kools"" to the world. ""Sealed"" doesn't hurt Scruggs' litigation, and since we're the only ones with the story, I believe we're sitting on an exclusive." +"""Tortious interference""? Sounds like a disease caught by a radio." Lunch? +"Since when has the paragon of investigative journalism allowed lawyers to determine the news content on ""60 Minutes""?" It's an alternate version. So what if we have an alternate version? And I don't think her being cautious is so damned unreasonable. +Yeah, I heard rumors. It's not a rumor. It's a sale. If Tisch can unload CBS for $81 a share to Westinghouse and then is suddenly threatened with a multibillion-dollar lawsuit from Brown & Williamson, that could screw up the sale, could it not? +Are you suggesting that she and Eric are influenced by money? Oh, no, of course they're not influenced by money. They work for free. And you are a Volunteer Executive Producer. +Oh, no, of course they're not influenced by money. They work for free. And you are a Volunteer Executive Producer. CBS does not do that. And, you're questioning our journalistic integrity?! +CBS does not do that. And, you're questioning our journalistic integrity?! "No, I'm questioning your hearing! You hear ""reasonable"" and ""tortious interference."" I hear... ""Potential Brown & Williamson lawsuit jeopardizing the sale of CBS to Westinghouse."" I hear... ""Shut the segment down. Cut Wigand loose. Obey orders. And fuck off...!"" That's what I hear." +"No, I'm questioning your hearing! You hear ""reasonable"" and ""tortious interference."" I hear... ""Potential Brown & Williamson lawsuit jeopardizing the sale of CBS to Westinghouse."" I hear... ""Shut the segment down. Cut Wigand loose. Obey orders. And fuck off...!"" That's what I hear." You're exaggerating! +You're exaggerating! I am? You pay me to go get guys like Wigand, to draw him out. To get him to trust us, to get him to go on television. I do. I deliver him. He sits. He talks. He violates his own fucking confidentiality agreement. And he's only the key witness in the biggest public health reform issue, maybe the biggest, most-expensive corporate-malfeasance case in U.S. history. And Jeffrey Wigand, who's out on a limb, does he go on television and tell the truth? Yes. Is it newsworthy? Yes. Are we gonna air it? Of course not. Why? Because he's not telling the truth? No. Because he is telling the truth. That's why we're not going to air it. And the more truth he tells, the worse it gets! +I am? You pay me to go get guys like Wigand, to draw him out. To get him to trust us, to get him to go on television. I do. I deliver him. He sits. He talks. He violates his own fucking confidentiality agreement. And he's only the key witness in the biggest public health reform issue, maybe the biggest, most-expensive corporate-malfeasance case in U.S. history. And Jeffrey Wigand, who's out on a limb, does he go on television and tell the truth? Yes. Is it newsworthy? Yes. Are we gonna air it? Of course not. Why? Because he's not telling the truth? No. Because he is telling the truth. That's why we're not going to air it. And the more truth he tells, the worse it gets! You are a fanatic. An anarchist. You know that? If we can't have a whole show, then I want half a show rather than no show. But oh, no, not you. You won't be satisfied unless you're putting the company at risk! +You are a fanatic. An anarchist. You know that? If we can't have a whole show, then I want half a show rather than no show. But oh, no, not you. You won't be satisfied unless you're putting the company at risk! C'mon, what are you? And are you a businessman? Or are you a newsman?! Because that happens to be what Mike and I do for a living... +So, what are you going to do? Well, what do you think I'm going to do? Quit in protest? I'm not going to do that. +Well, what do you think I'm going to do? Quit in protest? I'm not going to do that. "You're taking ""no"" for an answer?" +"You're taking ""no"" for an answer?" "No. I'm not going to take ""no"" for an answer. No." +"No. I'm not going to take ""no"" for an answer. No." Then what are you going to do? +I'm staying right here. Doing my job. Fighting to get my show on the air. You don't like it? Hey, I'll tell you what... fire my ass... End up in a high-profile lawsuit with Lowell, the First Amendment martyr? I don't think so. Take a look at this... This is a summary of a dossier that's being prepared. +What the hell are you doing? What does it look like I'm doing? I'm editing. +What does it look like I'm doing? I'm editing. No, not that. I'm talking about the Associated Press. They got this story that we pulled this interview and they talked to Mike and I. Did you tell them that we were lying? +No, not that. I'm talking about the Associated Press. They got this story that we pulled this interview and they talked to Mike and I. Did you tell them that we were lying? No. I should have. I told them I disagreed with you, Mike and Kluster that this segment is as good as the original. I'm not lying for you. I'm not gonna shut up for you. Not on any of it. +No. I should have. I told them I disagreed with you, Mike and Kluster that this segment is as good as the original. I'm not lying for you. I'm not gonna shut up for you. Not on any of it. Hey! I'm not going to fire you, okay? Take a vacation. Now! +The New York Times ran a blow by blow of what we talked about behind closed doors! You fucked us! No, you fucked you! Don't invert stuff! Big Tobacco tried to smear Wigand; you bought it. The Wall Street Journal, here, not exactly a bastion of anti-capitalist sentiment, refutes Big Tobacco's smear campaign as the lowest form of character assassination! And now, even now, when every word of what Wigand has said on our show is printed, the entire deposition of his testimony in a court of law in the State of Mississippi, the cat totally out of the bag, you're still standing here debating! Don, what the hell else... do you need? +There has been so much soul searching about this Wigand, I've decided we should cut an alternate version of the show without his interview. So, what happened to Ms. Caperelli's checking with outside counsel first, all that crap? +So, what happened to Ms. Caperelli's checking with outside counsel first, all that crap? That's happening. And, hopefully we won't have to use the alternate, but we should have it in the can. +That's happening. And, hopefully we won't have to use the alternate, but we should have it in the can. I'm not touching my film... +I'm not touching my film... I'm afraid you are. +I'm afraid you are. No, I'm not... +No, I'm not... We're doing this with or without you, Lowell. If you like, I can assign another producer to edit your show... +So, now, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, Mr. Rather's been complaining about his chair again. As they start to leave... Before you go... +And what are you implying? "I'm not implying. I'm quoting. More vested interests... ""Persons Who Will Profit From This Merger... Ms. Helen Caperelli, General Counsel of CBS News, 3.9 million. Mr. Eric Kluster, President of CBS News, 1.4 million...""" +Did you handle the round, Mr. Wigand? Yes, I'm afraid I did. +A gun? Yes. What caliber is your gun? +What caliber is your gun? What caliber is my gun? +What caliber is my gun? Yes, sir. What caliber is your gun? +Yes, sir. What caliber is your gun? What does that have to do with the price of tea in China? +You think I put that bullet in the mailbox myself...? If we could take a look, Mr. Wigand... +That bullet was for a .38 caliber. Do you own a .38? Yes, I do. A .38 Target Master. In my gun safe downstairs. A .45 Gold Cup. A .22 target pistol. So what? +Yes, I do. A .38 Target Master. In my gun safe downstairs. A .45 Gold Cup. A .22 target pistol. So what? Do you have a history of emotional problems, Mr. Wigand? +Do you have a history of emotional problems, Mr. Wigand? Yes. Yes, I do. Yes, I get extremely emotional when assholes put bullets in my mailbox...! +You can't take that... It's personal property...! We have a search warrant, Mr. Wigand. There's been a death threat. +We have a search warrant, Mr. Wigand. There's been a death threat. ...my files! Personal correspondence... +That computer has everything... You alright, Mr. Wigand? +Debbie... Hey, Lowell. +Oh, Bill... Main Justice is investigating a major New York bank. Laundering narco dollars out of their Mexico City branch. You want it for the Evening News? What about you, you got a crew already? +What about you, you got a crew already? I'm gonna do a follow-up. +I'm gonna do a follow-up. Okay. +Okay. Catch ya' later. +Shall I send for coffee? Sorry I'm late. No, no, we're fine... +No, no, we're fine... Are you sure? +If this holds up, and it very well may not, Mike... but, if it did. And we aired this segment? And CBS was sued by Brown & Williamson? I think we could be at grave risk. How grave? +How grave? Well, at the end of the day... because of your segment... the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company... could own CBS. +Mike... Mike... Mike... """Mike?""" +"What does that mean? ""Rife with -- ?""" I'm told unusual promises were made to Wigand. +I'm told unusual promises were made to Wigand. No, only that we would hold the story until it was safe for him... +No, only that we would hold the story until it was safe for him... "And, I'm told there are questions as to our ""star witness'"" veracity." +"And, I'm told there are questions as to our ""star witness'"" veracity." "His ""veracity"" was good enough for the State of Mississippi." +"His ""veracity"" was good enough for the State of Mississippi." Our standards have to be higher than anyone else's, because we are the standard... for everyone else... +"Well, as a ""standard""... I'll hang with ""is the guy telling the truth?""" Well, with tortious interference, I'm afraid... the greater the truth, the greater the damage. +Well, with tortious interference, I'm afraid... the greater the truth, the greater the damage. Come again? +Come again? They own the information he's disclosing. The truer it is, the greater the damage to them. If he lied, he didn't disclose their information. And the damages are smaller. +They own the information he's disclosing. The truer it is, the greater the damage to them. If he lied, he didn't disclose their information. And the damages are smaller. "Is this ""Alice in Wonderland""?" +Is CBS corporate telling CBS News do not go to air with this story? You're getting ahead of yourself. We're all in this together. We're all CBS. We'll find out soon. Thank you, gentlemen. +Hey, Lowell. How are you, Jim? +How are you, Jim? Hey, listen, I hear you guys are sitting on something sensational over there. +Hi, baby. Catch you later. +How prominent? What kind of placement? Oh, c'mon, Lowell. This is The New York Times. I don't know... +Oh, c'mon, Lowell. This is The New York Times. I don't know... Well, until you do, all I can tell you is what you already know... they will not air an interview. +Well, until you do, all I can tell you is what you already know... they will not air an interview. Call me back in ten. +Hello? Jim, it's Lowell. +Here's how it works. You ask me questions. I tell you if you're wrong. Okay. Lowell? +Okay. Lowell? Yeah? +Yeah? You're sure you want to do this? +You're sure you want to do this? Why? +Why? Hey, it doesn't work? You've burned your bridges, man. +Hey, it doesn't work? You've burned your bridges, man. You ready...? +You ready...? Okay... About this whistle-blower... Did Mike and Don go along with the corporate decision? +Lowell? Did I tell you you were wrong? +Did I tell you you were wrong? No. I'm assuming the cave-in begins with the threat of litigation from Big Tobacco. Are we talking... are we talking Brown & Williamson, here? +I can take her. Don't you have to be at the office? +Don't you have to be at the office? Is there any more rice...? +Is there any more rice...? Yes, it's on the stove... +I'm sorry, darling, have you seen my coffee mug...? Try the car. +Uh, what are those boxes? I'm going to the store. You need anything? +I'm going to the store. You need anything? What do you need at the store? +What do you need at the store? Soy sauce... +Soy sauce... Right now? +Right now? That's my stuff from the office... +That's my stuff from the office... Why did you take your stuff from the office? +Why did you take your stuff from the office? I didn't want to leave it there... +I didn't want to leave it there... I don't understand. +I don't understand. I got fired this morning... Where else am I gonna take it? +I got fired this morning... Where else am I gonna take it? Why? Who said? +Why? Who said? Thomas Sandefur... +Thomas Sandefur... What are we supposed to do...? What about our medical coverage; what about our health? What about our car payments? The payments on this house? +There's a severance agreement... It includes cash payouts over time and continuing medical coverage... Sure you don't need anything? No, thank you. +What's going on? "I told him that you had an E-mail death threat that said if you didn't shut the ""F"" up, they were going to kill you..." +...taping? What are you taping? I'm doing an interview. +I'm doing an interview. An interview! Do you know what they will do to us...! I thought... Sorry. +Please don't wash your hands in the sink. Where should I wash them? +Where should I wash them? Use the bathroom. +Use the bathroom. What's the difference... +What's the difference... That's for food. +I don't think I can do this... I want to stand by my husband... I really do, Jeffrey. But I don't think I can do this anymore. I am so sorry... Can we talk about this when I get back? +Can we talk about this when I get back? Yes... Jeffrey. +Thank you, Bob. Who's calling? +Who's calling? My name's Lowell Bergman... I'm -- +My name's Lowell Bergman... I'm -- Did you say Berman? +Did you say Berman? "No, Bergman... B.E.R.G.M.A.N.... I'm a producer with ""60 Minutes""..." +"No, Bergman... B.E.R.G.M.A.N.... I'm a producer with ""60 Minutes""..." """60 Minutes""?" +"""60 Minutes""?" Yeah. +Yeah. """60 Minutes,"" the television show?" +"""60 Minutes,"" the television show?" Yes. +"Oh, someone took a poll? ""Are all things Canadian boring...?""" It's Stuart... he's in Mexico City... +It's Stuart... he's in Mexico City... Let me call you back... +No classes this morning? Will he go on-camera and talk about the Mexico City branch? +Will independent sources corroborate that? Hello? Yeah... +Let me see this... No, 'cause I gotta know where you're going at all times. I can't... I've got to fly to Boston tomorrow. +Two p.m. Great. Bye-bye. "...""ignition propensity?"" ...you understand any of this...?" +...no... this looks like a table of temperatures... Who's this from? "...it's anonymous. References to ""P.M."" It's got to be Philip Morris, huh?" +"...it's anonymous. References to ""P.M."" It's got to be Philip Morris, huh?" I have to take a shower. +What's wrong? They're killing the Wigand interview... +They're killing the Wigand interview... What?! +What?! They're pretending it's process. Bullshit, it's foregone. +They're pretending it's process. Bullshit, it's foregone. What are you and Mike going to do? +What are you and Mike going to do? I'm alone on this... +I'm alone on this... Oh, baby... +Jeffrey Wigand... Jeffrey... +"""I'm Lowell Bergman, I'm from '60 Minutes.'"" You know, you take the ""60 Minutes"" out of that sentence, nobody returns your phone call. Maybe Wigand's right. Maybe I'm hooked. What am I hooked on? The rush? ""60 Minutes""? What the hell for? Infotainment. It's so fucking useless, all of it." So, it's a big country with a free press. You can go work somewhere else. +So, it's a big country with a free press. You can go work somewhere else. Free press? Press is free... for anyone who owns one. Larry Tisch has a free press. +Free press? Press is free... for anyone who owns one. Larry Tisch has a free press. Get some perspective, Lowell. +Get some perspective, Lowell. I got perspective. +I got perspective. No, you do not. +No, you do not. From my perspective, what's been going on and what I've been doing is ridiculous. It's half-measures. +From my perspective, what's been going on and what I've been doing is ridiculous. It's half-measures. You're not listening. Really know what you're going to do before you do it. +Yeah... ...you fucked me! +...you fucked me! Who is this? +Is it too late? No. No, it's okay... How's -- how's the new place? +Oh, my God. You're not even on this anymore... What do you care? +You're not even on this anymore... What do you care? Jeff! Wake the fuck up! Everybody is on the line here. If they can catch you in a lie, they can paint everything with that brush. Do you understand? Everything you say! +Yes, I'm right here. Could you call me back on a hard line? Alright. +Alright. Area code 212-555-0199. +Area code 212-555-0199. I'll call you then. +...you filed a lawsuit against tobacco on behalf of the State of Mississippi, did you not? That's right... +That's right... Well, I'm working with someone, now, who was the former head of research at Brown & Williamson, a former corporate officer there. +Well, I'm working with someone, now, who was the former head of research at Brown & Williamson, a former corporate officer there. What's your interest in this, Mr. Bergman? +What's your interest in this, Mr. Bergman? Well, he may tape an interview with us. And, we believe if his testimony showed up in a court record first, it would free him up from his confidentiality agreement and give him some protection. +Has he decided to go public? Because let me tell you, we've been doing this for three years now, and we've worked with a lot of corporate cases involving whistle-blowers, so we know... Big Tobacco will do everything in their power to stop him. So, is your man truly committed? Well, actually, no. Well, he's on the fence. That's the point. +Well, we'd certainly be interested in making his acquaintance, but without knowing what he's going to do... Well, would you want him to call you? Or, you want to call him? How do you want to do it? +Well, would you want him to call you? Or, you want to call him? How do you want to do it? It would be better if he called us. +It would be better if he called us. Yeah. +Yeah. Alright? +Alright? Okay. Thank you. +Yeah, I'm here. What chance is there of getting Jeff's interview on the air...? +...I'd be lying to you if I did not tell you how important it was in the court of public opinion... ...and I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you, I'm about out of moves, Dick... +...and I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you, I'm about out of moves, Dick... All right. See you... +We're there. Good, well ask him if Arabic is his second language. +Good, well ask him if Arabic is his second language. Don't interpret that! Hold it. Hold it. Hold it! Slow, slow!! Sheikh, do you mind... if you would just turn your chair a little bit to face Mr. Wallace? +...come in earlier on Mike's Marine barracks line when he's talking to Sheikh Mussawi... You eating with us? +You eating with us? Yeah. +Yeah. Bring a tie so they'll let us in the front door... +He referred to this... the Seven Dwarfs... "What ""Seven Dwarfs?""" +"What ""Seven Dwarfs?""" The seven CEOs of Big Tobacco... Referred to this... Said they should be afraid of him... I assume, afraid of what he could reveal. Now, you tell me. What does this guy have to say that threatens these people? +"Well, it isn't ""cigarettes are bad for you""..." Hardly new news. +Hardly new news. No shit. +No shit. What's this? +Okay, let's look through the looking glass the other way... What do you mean? +What do you mean? "We got a guy... who wants to talk but he's constrained. What if he were ""compelled""?" +"We got a guy... who wants to talk but he's constrained. What if he were ""compelled""?" Oh, torture? Great ratings. +So, is everything okay? How are the rooms? Comfortable? +Thank you for saying that... Do you think we could talk about the taping? Tomorrow's taping, just so we can get it out of the way and order... +Do you think we could talk about the taping? Tomorrow's taping, just so we can get it out of the way and order... Yeah, well, questions will go toward what work you did there, why you were fired. And others will deal... +Oh, man. Who are these people? +Who are these people? Ordinary people! Under extraordinary pressure, Mike. What the hell do you expect? Grace and consistency? +It went great in Mississippi, Mike. Good. +I think what we're trying to tell you is that it happens all the time. This is a news organization. People are always telling us things they shouldn't. We have to verify if it's true and in the public interest... And if it is, we air it. After we corroborate it. That's why we've never lost a lawsuit and run a classy show. Anything else? +I discovered this. SEC filing... For the sale of the CBS Corporation to Westinghouse Corporation. What? +Lowell. """Put the corporation at risk""...? Give me a fucking break!" +"""Put the corporation at risk""...? Give me a fucking break!" Lowell. +Lowell. These people are putting our whole reason for doing what we do... on the line! +These people are putting our whole reason for doing what we do... on the line! Lowell! +Lowell! What? +What? I'm with Don on this. +I've been banished. In lieu of being fired. I took off on Tisch. I took off on corporate. They'll know they're not going to see everything on Sunday night... +I took off on Tisch. I took off on corporate. They'll know they're not going to see everything on Sunday night... I don't know. How does that get Wigand on the air? +I don't know. How does that get Wigand on the air? "Do me a favor, will you? Spare me, for God's sake. Get in the real world. What do you think? I'm going to resign in protest? To force it on the air? The answer is ""no."" I don't plan to spend the end of my days wandering in the wilderness of National Public Radio. That decision I've already made." +Yeah. You disappeared on me. How long you staying? +You disappeared on me. How long you staying? I disappeared on you? +I disappeared on you? Alright. What did you think? +Alright. What did you think? I think it was a disgrace. +Did I get you up? No, I usually sit around in my hotel room, dressed like this at 5:30 in the morning, sleepy look on my face. +How many shows have we done? Huh? C'mon, how many? Oh, lots. +Oh, lots. Yeah, that's right. +Yeah, that's right. But in all that time, Mike, did you ever get off a plane, walk into a room, and find that a source for a story changed his mind? Lost his heart? Walked out on us? Not one fucking time! You want to know why? +But in all that time, Mike, did you ever get off a plane, walk into a room, and find that a source for a story changed his mind? Lost his heart? Walked out on us? Not one fucking time! You want to know why? I see a rhetorical question on the horizon. +I see a rhetorical question on the horizon. I'm going to tell you why. Because when I tell someone I'm going to do something, I deliver. +I'm going to tell you why. Because when I tell someone I'm going to do something, I deliver. Oh, how fortunate I am to have Lowell Bergman's moral tutelage to point me down the shining path. To show me the way. +Oh, how fortunate I am to have Lowell Bergman's moral tutelage to point me down the shining path. To show me the way. Oh, please, Mike... +Oh, please, Mike... Give me a break! +Give me a break! No, you give me a break! I never left a source hung out to dry, ever. Abandoned. Not 'til right fucking now! When I came on this job, I came with my word intact. I'm gonna leave with my word intact. Fuck the rules of the game! Hell, you're supposed to know me, Mike. What the hell did you expect? You expect me to lie down? Back off? What, get over it? +No, you give me a break! I never left a source hung out to dry, ever. Abandoned. Not 'til right fucking now! When I came on this job, I came with my word intact. I'm gonna leave with my word intact. Fuck the rules of the game! Hell, you're supposed to know me, Mike. What the hell did you expect? You expect me to lie down? Back off? What, get over it? In the real world, when you get to where I am, there are other considerations... +In the real world, when you get to where I am, there are other considerations... Like what? Corporate responsibility? What, are we talking celebrity here? +Like what? Corporate responsibility? What, are we talking celebrity here? "I'm not talking celebrity, vanity, CBS. I'm talking about when you're nearer the end of your life than the beginning. Now, what do you think you think about then? The future? ""In the future I'm going to do this? Become that?"" What ""future""? No. What you think is: how will I be regarded in the end? After I'm gone." +Mike... in my... You and I have been doing this together for fourteen years. +That Canada story? Still interest you? Everything interests me. +C'mon, it all worked out. You came out okay in the end... I did? What do I tell a source on the next tough story? Hang in with us. You'll be fine... maybe? +Coffee? Yeah... Thank you. +Yeah... Thank you. How have you liked your stay? +How have you liked your stay? What I've seen... I've liked. +Please to explain, why I should agree to interview... with pro-Zionist American media? Because I think Hezbollah is trying to broaden into a political party right now. So you care about what you're thought of in America. And in America, at this moment in time, Hezbollah does not have a face. That's why. +Perhaps you prove journalism objectivity and I see the questions first. Then I decide if I grant the interview. "No. We don't do that. You've seen ""60 Minutes"" and Mike Wallace. So you know our reputation for integrity and objectivity. You also know we are the highest-rated, most-respected, TV-magazine news show in America." +Tell him I will see him day after tomorrow. That's good. That works. Uh, you know, I want to ask you something... I know it sounds odd... but... +Who's that? That's room service. They usually knock first. Come on in... Over here, please. +How do you like your coffee? Black? Black, black... +Look, I really don't have that much time... Is there anything you want to know about me, Mr. Wigand...? +Is there anything you want to know about me, Mr. Wigand...? Like what? Your sign? +I know what I have to know. Just so I know you know, when I talk to people in confidence, it stays that way. +Just so I know you know, when I talk to people in confidence, it stays that way. How did a radical journalist from Ramparts Magazine end up at CBS? +...but that's as far as I go... Far as you go where? +Far as you go where? This issue is a drop in the bucket. I can talk to you about what's in here. But I can't talk to you about anything else. +Doesn't CBS have confidentiality agreements, Mr. Bergman? Between journalists and management, yes, I believe they do... but I don't take that seriously. Where do you work? +Between journalists and management, yes, I believe they do... but I don't take that seriously. Where do you work? Did work. +Did work. Did work. +Did work. How much would I get paid? +How much would I get paid? That, you have to discuss with CBS Business Affairs. But, for something like this, I would say anywhere between 10, 12 thousand. +Should I just take the documents now? If you want to do it. +...protect your sources...! You screwed me! You sold me out! What are you talking about? Where are you? +What are you talking about? Where are you? Fuck you, too! +Mrs. Wigand, how do you do? Jump in, quick, c'mon... +Jump in, quick, c'mon... I'm Lowell Bergman. We spoke on the phone, remember? +C'mere. I want to talk to you. Good. I want to talk to you. +What do... I did not burn you. I did not give you up to anyone! +I did not burn you. I did not give you up to anyone! This is my house... In front of my wife, my kids?! What business do we have? +This is my house... In front of my wife, my kids?! What business do we have? To straighten something out with you. Right here. Right now. +To straighten something out with you. Right here. Right now. So, you didn't mention my name? You haven't talked to anybody about me? +So, you didn't mention my name? You haven't talked to anybody about me? Why am I gonna mention your name? +Why am I gonna mention your name? How did Brown & Williamson know I spoke to you...? +How did Brown & Williamson know I spoke to you...? How the hell do I know about Brown & Williamson? +How the hell do I know about Brown & Williamson? It happened after I talked to you. I do not like coincidences! +It happened after I talked to you. I do not like coincidences! And I don't like paranoid accusations! I'm a journalist. Think. Use your head. How do I operate as a journalist by screwing the people who could provide me with information before they provided me with it? +And I don't like paranoid accusations! I'm a journalist. Think. Use your head. How do I operate as a journalist by screwing the people who could provide me with information before they provided me with it? You came all the way down here to tell me that? +You came all the way down here to tell me that? No. I did not. Big Tobacco is a big story. And you got something important to say. I can tell. But, yes. I did. I came all the way down here to tell you: story, no story, fuck your story, I don't burn people. +And, I'm unemployed. So I have to protect my medical coverage. ...so I left them a message this morning. Their expanded confidentiality agreement? I will sign it. They're afraid of you, aren't they? +They're afraid of you, aren't they? They should be. +Talk to me outside the zone of your agreement? Like what? +Like what? Like where'd you work before Brown & Williamson? +Like where'd you work before Brown & Williamson? "Johnson & Johnson. Union Carbide in Japan. I was general manager and director of new products. I speak Japanese. I was a director of corporate development at Pfizer. All health-related. What else? Outside the ""zone""...?" +"Johnson & Johnson. Union Carbide in Japan. I was general manager and director of new products. I speak Japanese. I was a director of corporate development at Pfizer. All health-related. What else? Outside the ""zone""...?" I don't know... you think the Knicks are gonna make it through the semi- finals? +Seven dwarfs? The seven CEOs of Big Tobacco... they got up in front of Congress that time... it was on television... +The seven CEOs of Big Tobacco... they got up in front of Congress that time... it was on television... ...and swore under oath that they know nothing about addiction, disease... +...and swore under oath that they know nothing about addiction, disease... It was on C-SPAN. Yeah. +It was on C-SPAN. Yeah. "Okay, so, here you are... you go to work for tobacco. You come from corporate cultures where research, really, creative thinking, these are core values. You go to tobacco... Tobacco is a sales culture. Market and sell enormous volume. Go to a lot of golf tournaments. The hell with everything else. What are you doing? Why are you working for ""tobacco"" in the first place?" +"Okay, so, here you are... you go to work for tobacco. You come from corporate cultures where research, really, creative thinking, these are core values. You go to tobacco... Tobacco is a sales culture. Market and sell enormous volume. Go to a lot of golf tournaments. The hell with everything else. What are you doing? Why are you working for ""tobacco"" in the first place?" I can't talk about it. The work I was supposed to do... might have had some positive effect. I don't know... it could have been beneficial. Mostly, I got paid a lot. I took the money. My wife was happy. My kids had good medical. Good schools. Got a great house. I mean, what the hell is wrong with that...? +I've always thought of myself... as a man of science. That's what's wrong with it. Then... you're in a state of conflict, Jeff. +The new place? New. You okay? +You know, I was thinking of calling you tomorrow, anyway. How are your kids handling the new house? Good. You have kids? +No, you said you were going to call me tomorrow. So, what about? Oh, yes, yes, yes, I did... I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to hook up and talk to you. About what we were talking about in your car. +Oh, yes, yes, yes, I did... I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to hook up and talk to you. About what we were talking about in your car. ...okay. +...okay. Makes you feel good? Putting what you know to use? +How'd you know that, Lowell? It's obvious, isn't it? +Hello. You there Yeah... Look, thanks for talking. I'm sorry I woke you up. +Yeah... Look, thanks for talking. I'm sorry I woke you up. It's okay. +What did you get us? Tempura... +The internet said you did graduate work in Wisconsin, then went to UC La Jolla with Professor... Marcus? Marcuse. Yeah. He was my mentor. He had a major influence on the New Left in the late '60s... and on me, personally. +Marcuse. Yeah. He was my mentor. He had a major influence on the New Left in the late '60s... and on me, personally. Next to your father? +Next to your father? My father? What the hell's that got to do with my father? +My father? What the hell's that got to do with my father? Is that why you became a journalist? Then you get to ask all the questions? +Is that why you became a journalist? Then you get to ask all the questions? You charge by the hour? +You charge by the hour? My father was a mechanical engineer... most ingenious man I ever knew. +My father was a mechanical engineer... most ingenious man I ever knew. "Well, my father left us when I was five-years old. He was not the most ingenious man I ever knew... Let's get back to Brown & Williamson. If you decide to go on ""60 Minutes,"" I got to know everything about why you got fired." +"Well, my father left us when I was five-years old. He was not the most ingenious man I ever knew... Let's get back to Brown & Williamson. If you decide to go on ""60 Minutes,"" I got to know everything about why you got fired." Why? +Why? They're gonna dig up stuff from your past, they're gonna throw it at you. I got to know what they're gonna throw. You understand? +They're gonna dig up stuff from your past, they're gonna throw it at you. I got to know what they're gonna throw. You understand? I drink. A couple of occasions more than I should have. I was cited for shoplifting once. But it was a mistake... I pushed Liane one time. We were both stressed out because of the pressure. She went to her mother's. I got fired because when I get angry I have difficulty censoring myself. And I don't like to be pushed around! +I drink. A couple of occasions more than I should have. I was cited for shoplifting once. But it was a mistake... I pushed Liane one time. We were both stressed out because of the pressure. She went to her mother's. I got fired because when I get angry I have difficulty censoring myself. And I don't like to be pushed around! I'm not pushing you around! I'm asking you questions. +I'm not pushing you around! I'm asking you questions. I'm just a commodity to you, aren't I? I could be anything. Right? Anything worth putting on between commercials... +I'm just a commodity to you, aren't I? I could be anything. Right? Anything worth putting on between commercials... ...to a network, probably, we're all commodities. To me? You are not a commodity. What you are is important. +You believe that? No. +No. You should. Because when you're done, a judgment is going to go down in the court of public opinion, my friend. And that's the power you have. +You should. Because when you're done, a judgment is going to go down in the court of public opinion, my friend. And that's the power you have. You believe that? +You believe that? I believe that? Yes, I believe that. +I believe that? Yes, I believe that. You believe that because you get information out to people... something happens? +You believe that because you get information out to people... something happens? Yes. +Yes. Maybe that's just what you've been telling yourself all these years to justify having a good job? Having status? And maybe for the audience, it's just voyeurism? Something to do on a Sunday night. And maybe it won't change a fucking thing. And people like myself and my family are left hung out to dry. Used up! Broke, alone! +Maybe that's just what you've been telling yourself all these years to justify having a good job? Having status? And maybe for the audience, it's just voyeurism? Something to do on a Sunday night. And maybe it won't change a fucking thing. And people like myself and my family are left hung out to dry. Used up! Broke, alone! Are you talking to me or did somebody else just walk in here?! I never abandoned a source! +Are you talking to me or did somebody else just walk in here?! I never abandoned a source! I don't think you really understand -- +I don't think you really understand -- "No, don't evade a choice you gotta make be questioning my reputation or ""60 Minutes'"" with this cheap skepticism!" +"No, don't evade a choice you gotta make be questioning my reputation or ""60 Minutes'"" with this cheap skepticism!" I have to put my family's welfare on the line here, my friend! And what are you puttin' up? You're puttin' up words! +I have to put my family's welfare on the line here, my friend! And what are you puttin' up? You're puttin' up words! Words! While you've been dickin' around at fucking company golf tournaments, I been out in the world, giving my word and backing it up with action. +Excuse me. Yeah... They're terrorizing us. Death threats?! To my family? My kids?! +Jeff, call the FBI right away... They do this with impunity! +They do this with impunity! Jeff... +Jeff... They get to go home at night. What does it cost these people to do this to us? Nothing?! My girls are crying, so fuck them! I want to tape! I'm done thinking about it. +Good. But Jeff... I'll call them, Lowell. +Liane, this is a preliminary... You didn't tell her we were taping? What did she think she was coming to New York for? ...to talk about it. To think about it. I had a plan to ease her into it. But, I really -- I didn't know how to do that... +Lowell, I can't afford -- "...they ""volunteered."" A friend owns a large security company." +I called Richard Scruggs in Mississippi... I heard. +I heard. I'm going to be a witness for them in their litigation. So I'm going to fly to Pascagoula to give a deposition... +I'm going to be a witness for them in their litigation. So I'm going to fly to Pascagoula to give a deposition... I know. I'm going to go there tonight... +I know. I'm going to go there tonight... Did you have a good day? +You attract a crowd. Yeah, great. +Yeah, great. I heard about the Kentucky gag order... +I heard about the Kentucky gag order... I don't know what to do. +What's changed? You mean... since this morning? +You mean... since this morning? No. I mean since whenever... +"""Part of the reason I'm here is I felt that their representation clearly, at least within...""" "Run that Sandefur piece on ""nicotine's not addictive."" Run that on-camera. Then cut right to Wigand with ""I believe they perjured..."" Then go wide to the CEOs all taking the oath. Back on Jeff and play the pause after the word ""felt"" on the B-side..." +I don't know how to say this, Jeff, except to just say it right out, so I'll say it. They do not want to air it. What?! +What?! B & W may have threatened litigation... CBS is on the block... But you, I mean, I know how... +B & W may have threatened litigation... CBS is on the block... But you, I mean, I know how... No. +No. No? No, what? +No? No, what? "I do not think that you ""know"" for me... what it is to walk in my shoes... ...for my kids to have seen it... for them to know why I've put them through what I did... the public airing of that... the testament to why I did what I did... you're telling me is not going to see the light of day." +Oh, you know what we do or do not need to know? Since when have you become a media expert? What do you want to do, Lowell, look up my ass, too...! +I told the truth! Everything... you... say! And I can't defend you, man, with one hand tied behind my back! Because you keep from me... what they can discover. And they will discover everything! Believe me. +...I was young. I was young... confused... We didn't handle it the right way... She sued you for back payments of child support? +She sued you for back payments of child support? She did not sue me. We had a dispute over money... I settled it, she dropped the complaint... Any other questions? +Yes. Did you lie about being on the American Judo Team in the Olympics? What? +What? Some public relations guy got a hold of a tape of an interview... where you're saying you were on the American Judo Team in the Olympics...? +Some public relations guy got a hold of a tape of an interview... where you're saying you were on the American Judo Team in the Olympics...? What kind of shit is this? I was not on the team, I sparred with the Olympic Team... okay? +Alright... the ABC Telemarketing Company? ABC...? +ABC...? ABC Telemarketing Company. +ABC Telemarketing Company. A can opener! A $39.95 can opener. I canceled payment... It was junk. You ever bounce a check, Lowell? You ever look at another woman's tits? You ever cheat a little on your taxes? Whose life, if you look at it under a microscope, doesn't have any flaws...? +That's the whole point, Jeffrey. That's the whole point. Anyone's. Everyone's. They are gonna look under every rock, dig up every flaw, every mistake you've ever made. They are going to distort and exaggerate everything you've ever done, man. Don't you understand? What does this have to do with my testimony? +What does this have to do with my testimony? That's not the point. +That's not the point. What does this have to do with my testimony?! I told the truth! It's valid and true and provable! +What does this have to do with my testimony?! I told the truth! It's valid and true and provable! That's not the fucking point, whether you told the truth or not! Hello...? +That's not the fucking point, whether you told the truth or not! Hello...? I told the truth... I told the truth. +I've got to teach class. I've got to go. I've got to teach class. And I've got to refute every fucking accusation made in this report before The Wall Street Journal runs. I am trying to protect you, man! +You manipulated me into this...! That's bullshit, Jeff! +That's bullshit, Jeff! You greased the rails! +You greased the rails! I greased the rails for a guy who wanted to say yes. I helped him to say yes. Alright. You're not a robot, Jeff! That's all. You got a mind of your own, don't you? +I greased the rails for a guy who wanted to say yes. I helped him to say yes. Alright. You're not a robot, Jeff! That's all. You got a mind of your own, don't you? """Up to you, Jeffrey. That's the power you have, Jeffrey. Vital insider information the American public need to know."" Lowell Bergman, the hot show who never met a source he couldn't turn around." +"""Up to you, Jeffrey. That's the power you have, Jeffrey. Vital insider information the American public need to know."" Lowell Bergman, the hot show who never met a source he couldn't turn around." I fought for you... and I still fight for you. +I fought for you... and I still fight for you. You fought for me...?! ...you manipulated me... into where I am now... staring at the Brown & Williamson Building. It's all dark. Except the 10th floor! That's the legal department. That's where they fuck with my life! +You fought for me...?! ...you manipulated me... into where I am now... staring at the Brown & Williamson Building. It's all dark. Except the 10th floor! That's the legal department. That's where they fuck with my life! Jeffrey, where you going with this? So where you goin'? You are important to a lot of people, Jeffrey. You think about that. You think about them. +Where are you, anyway? I'm on a leave of absence. Forced vacation. +I'm on a leave of absence. Forced vacation. You try and have a good time. +You try and have a good time. Yeah. Yeah, I will. +I think I need to call the police. He won't respond... No, no. Don't call the police! Just tell him I'm on the phone with you... My name is Lowell Bergman... Just tell him that. +Did he hear you? You're breaking up. I can't hear you. +What about now? What? +What? Hello, can you hear me now? +What's happening?! He doesn't seem to be listening... +He doesn't seem to be listening... Alright, now listen to me. I want you -- I want you to tell him, in these words: get on the fucking phone...! +Alright, now listen to me. I want you -- I want you to tell him, in these words: get on the fucking phone...! I can't say that! +I can't say that! No, you can. Tell him to get on the fucking phone! +Just give me an example... For example. James Burke, the CEO of Johnson & Johnson... when he found out that some lunatic had put poison in Tylenol bottles, he didn't argue with the FDA... He didn't even wait for the FDA to tell him. He just pulled Tylenol off every shelf of every store right across America. Instantly. And then he developed the safety cap... Because, look, as a CEO, sure, he's gotta be a great businessman, right? But he's also a man of science. He's not going to allow his company... to put on the shelf... a product that might hurt people. Not like the Seven Dwarfs... +We have a couple. One's hers, one's mine. Everybody uses a different name. Modern marriage. How's Liane? She's okay. +Hold on a minute, Lowell... ...somebody... may be following me. I don't know. They came on the property... What do you mean followed you? Did you call the police? +What do you mean followed you? Did you call the police? I don't want to be paranoid... I mean, maybe it's a game. Some kind of mind game. +I don't want to be paranoid... I mean, maybe it's a game. Some kind of mind game. Well, what do you really think, though? +Well, what do you really think, though? I don't know what the fuck I really think! Are they doing it? Is some crank doing it? Are they doing it to make me feel paranoid? Are they doing it for real and don't give a shit what I think? I don't know! I don't fucking know. +Well, no, look... I mean, there was a footprint. Forget it. It's probably not important at all. You know, I got a job now. I'm teaching high school. Japanese and Chemistry. So, what were you calling about? You called me. +What are you talking about? Someone put a bullet in my mailbox. +I heard you. But I got to arrange a legal defense first. I got to get you to testify in court, get it on public record. Then hold it off the air until you got that. But I want to go to New York. And I want to go on the record. Right now! +Jeffrey, how are you? How's the family, okay? There is -- there is no family. +There is -- there is no family. What do you mean there is no family? +What do you mean there is no family? Liane has filed for divorce... +And, so, I moved out... I see the girls a couple of days a week... Where you staying now? +Where you staying now? Our favorite hotel, honey... I checked into Room 930. Odd choice? Huh? +Jeff Wigand, Michael Moore. Good to meet you, Dr. Wigand. +Good to meet you, Dr. Wigand. Mike's our Attorney General down here. I was just explaining to Jeff, they got a Kentucky court to issue a gag order to stop his deposition today. +Mike's our Attorney General down here. I was just explaining to Jeff, they got a Kentucky court to issue a gag order to stop his deposition today. Right. +Right. Now, they tried to get the Mississippi Court to honor it, but the judge threw it out... However, for you, there is a more perilous effect to the Kentucky gag order... +Now, they tried to get the Mississippi Court to honor it, but the judge threw it out... However, for you, there is a more perilous effect to the Kentucky gag order... Dr. Wigand, you do understand what could happen, don't you? +You heard Mr. Sandefur say before Congress that he believed nicotine was not addictive...? ...I believe Mr. Sandefur perjured himself because I watched those testimonies very carefully. +All of us did. There was this whole line of people... whole line of CEOs up there all swearing. Part of the reason I'm here is I felt that their representation clearly misstated, at least within Brown & Williamson's representation, clearly misstated... what is common language within the company... we are in the nicotine delivery business. +Part of the reason I'm here is I felt that their representation clearly misstated, at least within Brown & Williamson's representation, clearly misstated... what is common language within the company... we are in the nicotine delivery business. And that's what cigarettes are for...? +And that's what cigarettes are for...? A delivery device for nicotine. +A delivery device for nicotine. A delivery device for nicotine. Put it in your mouth, light it up, and you're gonna get your fix... +A delivery device for nicotine. Put it in your mouth, light it up, and you're gonna get your fix... You're gonna get your fix... +You're gonna get your fix... You're saying that Brown & Williamson manipulates and adjusts the nicotine fix, not by artificially adding nicotine, but by enhancing the effect of nicotine through the use of chemical elements such as ammonia... +You're saying that Brown & Williamson manipulates and adjusts the nicotine fix, not by artificially adding nicotine, but by enhancing the effect of nicotine through the use of chemical elements such as ammonia... "The process is known as ""impact boosting..."" While not spiking nicotine, they clearly manipulate it. There's extensive use of this technology, know as ""ammonia chemistry."" It allows for the nicotine to be more rapidly absorbed in the lung and therefore affect the brain and central nervous system." +"The process is known as ""impact boosting..."" While not spiking nicotine, they clearly manipulate it. There's extensive use of this technology, know as ""ammonia chemistry."" It allows for the nicotine to be more rapidly absorbed in the lung and therefore affect the brain and central nervous system." "The straw that broke the camel's back for me and really put me in trouble with Sandefur was a compound called ""coumarin."" When I came on board at B&W, they had tried to transition from coumarin to a similar flavor that would give the same taste, and had been unsuccessful. I wanted it out immediately. I was told that it would affect sales, so I should mind my own business. I constructed a memo to Mr. Sandefur indicating I could not in conscience continue with coumarin in a product that we now knew, we had documentation, was similar to coumadin, a lung-specific carcinogen..." +"The straw that broke the camel's back for me and really put me in trouble with Sandefur was a compound called ""coumarin."" When I came on board at B&W, they had tried to transition from coumarin to a similar flavor that would give the same taste, and had been unsuccessful. I wanted it out immediately. I was told that it would affect sales, so I should mind my own business. I constructed a memo to Mr. Sandefur indicating I could not in conscience continue with coumarin in a product that we now knew, we had documentation, was similar to coumadin, a lung-specific carcinogen..." And you sent the document forward to Sandefur? +And you sent the document forward to Sandefur? I sent the document forward to Sandefur. I was told that we would continue to work on a substitute, we weren't going to remove it as it would impact sales, and that that was his decision. +I sent the document forward to Sandefur. I was told that we would continue to work on a substitute, we weren't going to remove it as it would impact sales, and that that was his decision. In other words, you were charging Sandefur and Brown & Williamson with ignoring health considerations consciously... +In other words, you were charging Sandefur and Brown & Williamson with ignoring health considerations consciously... Most certainly. +Most certainly. And on March 24, Thomas Sandefur, CEO of Brown & Williamson had you fired. And the reason he gave you? +And on March 24, Thomas Sandefur, CEO of Brown & Williamson had you fired. And the reason he gave you? Poor communication skills. +Poor communication skills. And, do you wish you hadn't come forward? You wish you hadn't blown the whistle? +And, do you wish you hadn't come forward? You wish you hadn't blown the whistle? Yeah, there are times I wish I hadn't done it. There are times I feel compelled to do it. If you asked me would I do it again? Do I think it's worth it? Yeah, I think it's worth it. +"""I would bet on it.""" """The former executive has reason to bet on being sued, for major cigarette manufacturers...""" +"""You wish you hadn't blown the whistle?""" """There are times... I wish I hadn't done it. But there are times that I feel compelled to do it..."" ""I've -- if you asked me if I would do it again or if it's -- do I think it's worth it. Yeah. I think it's worth it.""" +Object to the form of the question! It acts as a drug on the body? +It acts as a drug on the body? Object to the form! +Object to the form! It acts as a... +It acts as a... Object! +Object! There an echo in here? Your objection's been recorded. She typed it into her little machine over there. It's on the record. So now I'll proceed with my deposition of my witness. Does it act as a drug? +There an echo in here? Your objection's been recorded. She typed it into her little machine over there. It's on the record. So now I'll proceed with my deposition of my witness. Does it act as a drug? Dr. Wigand. I am instructing you... ...not to answer that question in accordance to the terms of the contractual obligations undertaken by you not to disclose any information about your work at the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company. And in accordance with the force and effect of the temporary restraining order that has been entered against you to by the court in the State of Kentucky! That means you don't talk! Mr. Motley, we have rights, here... +Dr. Wigand. I am instructing you... ...not to answer that question in accordance to the terms of the contractual obligations undertaken by you not to disclose any information about your work at the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company. And in accordance with the force and effect of the temporary restraining order that has been entered against you to by the court in the State of Kentucky! That means you don't talk! Mr. Motley, we have rights, here... Oh, you got rights and lefts! Ups and downs and middles! So what?! You don't get to instruct anything around here! This is not North Carolina, not South Carolina nor Kentucky. This is the sovereign State of Mississippi's proceeding. Wipe that smirk off your face! Dr. Wigand's deposition will be part of this record. And I'm going to take my witness' testimony! Whether the hell you like it or not! Answer the question, Dr... +Hello. Mr. Scruggs, Jeff Wigand. Lowell Bergman said I should give you a call... +Mr. Scruggs, Jeff Wigand. Lowell Bergman said I should give you a call... My co-counsel, Ron Motley, and I have filed a lawsuit against the tobacco industry on behalf of the State of Mississippi to get the state reimbursed Medicaid costs for treating people with smoking-related illness. If you'd be interested in talking to us, we'd certainly like to talk to you... +My co-counsel, Ron Motley, and I have filed a lawsuit against the tobacco industry on behalf of the State of Mississippi to get the state reimbursed Medicaid costs for treating people with smoking-related illness. If you'd be interested in talking to us, we'd certainly like to talk to you... When should we do this? +Jail? Possibly, yes. That is one of the possible consequences of your testifying here today. That's right... +Possibly, yes. That is one of the possible consequences of your testifying here today. That's right... "How does one... ""go... to... jail?"" What does my family do? Go on welfare? If my wife has to work? Who's going to look after the kids? Put food on the table? My children need me. If I'm not teaching... there's no medical... no medical... even on co- pay, that's like... Tuition..." +Jeff's a premiere golfer... What are you, a two handicap? Seven... +Seven... And, he gets out there and he has five strokes on us. He has more concentration than anybody I've ever met. It's spooky how he can concentrate. +And, he gets out there and he has five strokes on us. He has more concentration than anybody I've ever met. It's spooky how he can concentrate. I'd rather play than talk about it. What did you want to see me about? I don't like being back here. +Jeffrey says exactly what's on his mind. Most people consider what they're saying... social skills... Jeffrey just charges right ahead. Now, I know you understood the nature of the confidentiality portion of your severance agreement with Brown & Williamson, Jeff... Chapter and verse. +Chapter and verse. Yeah, I know you do... You know, I came up through sales. One of the reasons I was a great salesman, was I never made a promise I couldn't keep. I knew that if I ever broke my promise I'd suffer the consequence... +Is that a threat? ...we worked together for, what was it, three years...? Now, the work we did here is confidential, not for public scrutiny... any more than are one's family matters... +...we worked together for, what was it, three years...? Now, the work we did here is confidential, not for public scrutiny... any more than are one's family matters... You threatening my family, now, too? +You threatening my family, now, too? Now, don't be paranoid, Jeff. About the direction of research here, we may have had our differences of opinion... +Now, don't be paranoid, Jeff. About the direction of research here, we may have had our differences of opinion... """Research..."" You declare, as a badge of honor, you don't even know what makes water boil..." +"""Research..."" You declare, as a badge of honor, you don't even know what makes water boil..." That's why we hire scientists... +That's why we hire scientists... Okay. I don't believe you can maintain corporate integrity without confidentiality agreements. I was paid well for my work. The health and welfare benefits are good. The severance package is fair. I have no intention of violating my confidentiality agreement and disclosing that which I said I wouldn't. +Okay. I don't believe you can maintain corporate integrity without confidentiality agreements. I was paid well for my work. The health and welfare benefits are good. The severance package is fair. I have no intention of violating my confidentiality agreement and disclosing that which I said I wouldn't. I appreciate all that, Jeff. But, upon reflection... we've decided to expand our zone of comfort with you. +Yes. Your husband did show remarkable foresight in taking those pictures. And, yes, absent a swimming pool, the presence of the pool man would appear to be suspicious. But Bonnie, who is the real victim here? Let me suggest the following. Your husband, who on a prior occasion slapped you -- beat you -- Well, I wouldn't say -- +Well, I wouldn't say -- Your husband, who has beaten you -- repeatedly -- +Your husband, who has beaten you -- repeatedly -- He -- +He -- Please -- was at the time brandishing your firearm, trying in his rage to shoot an acquaintance -- friend of long standing -- +Please -- was at the time brandishing your firearm, trying in his rage to shoot an acquaintance -- friend of long standing -- They hate each other -- +They hate each other -- So he says now! But if not for your cool headed intervention, his tantrum might have ended this schmoe's life and ruined his own... As for the sexual indiscretion which he imagined had taken place, wasn't it in fact he who had been sleeping with the pool man? +Miles, how nice of you to see us -- may I introduce Howard D. Doyle of Doyle Oil. I told you we know each other, baby. Mr. Massey represented my ex-brother- in law. Martin Reiser? +Yeah. I know. Leather would be more practical, but whatcha gonna do? Miles, I know you're busy and that you charge by the hour so I'll come to the point. Howard and I are planning to marry. +Sixteen years? Howard Jr. is fourteen and Mandy must be what -- twelve? Here. Got pictures. +Honey, I don't think this is really relevant to... ...and one day, this sweet girl calls me, asks me to lunch. Just a shoulder to cry on deal. One thing leads to another and before I know it -- +...and one day, this sweet girl calls me, asks me to lunch. Just a shoulder to cry on deal. One thing leads to another and before I know it -- -- we realized we'd always been very attracted to one another. +Baby. You are so HOT! Howard! +As you are well aware, my previous marriage ended with an unjustified strain on my reputation My motives were questioned. I was slandered in court. You did good, Massey! +You did good, Massey! Therefore in an effort to remove any trace of suspicion from my sweet Howard -- I wish to execute a pre- nuptial agreement. +Therefore in an effort to remove any trace of suspicion from my sweet Howard -- I wish to execute a pre- nuptial agreement. And -- there's no talking her out of it. Believe me, I've tried. +And -- there's no talking her out of it. Believe me, I've tried. They say the Massey pre-nup has never been penetrated. +They say the Massey pre-nup has never been penetrated. "She said ""penetrate."" Heh heh heh." +"Course I can't do much ""wriggling"" if you tie me up like that again. Massey -- this is one bad bad little girl." We'd better go before we get thrown out. +Oh. Right. Won't you have a seat? After you, Doll. +And how is Mrs. Reiser? "Few suicide attempts, little inpatient stint. Naturally, she misses her kids. Six weekends a year and alternate Yom Kippurs seemed harsh to us but -- hey -- all's fair. Anyhoo, she lives with a ""nurse,"" takes her meds and goes to occupational therapy at a local sheltered workshop." +"Few suicide attempts, little inpatient stint. Naturally, she misses her kids. Six weekends a year and alternate Yom Kippurs seemed harsh to us but -- hey -- all's fair. Anyhoo, she lives with a ""nurse,"" takes her meds and goes to occupational therapy at a local sheltered workshop." So she's uh, flourishing? +So she's uh, flourishing? She makes felt wallets. Got one right here. +Muh -- Well, uh -- Huh? Yep. My divorce just came through. Shoulda called you. Coulda cut a better deal! My wife still has health insurance and gets to see the children. But, I don't know. Guess I'm just a softie. After all Amanda and me were together for -- what -- you'd know better than me, Marylin. She was your best friend. +I... uh guess congratulations are in order. Well -- Marylin and Rex broke up and... +No! I had no idea until after, but -- +What a touching story. You know, Miles, after my wife -- wife's mastectomy -- things were never the same. This might sound cold, well, maybe not to you, Massey, but... I like my women with two boobs. +Harvard? Whoa, Daddy! I just want to make sure that you both -- +-- understand what you're asking for here. The Massey pre-nup provides that in the event of a dissolution of the marriage for any reason, both parties shall leave it with whatever they brought in, and earned during. No one can profit from the marriage. The pre-nup protects the wealthier party. Well -- at the moment, that'd be me. +Well -- at the moment, that'd be me. And without it, that party is exposed -- a sitting duck. No wriggle room. +And without it, that party is exposed -- a sitting duck. No wriggle room. A Wriggle Room! Maybe we should put that in the Malibu house. Screw the screening room! +A Wriggle Room! Maybe we should put that in the Malibu house. Screw the screening room! -- and we are sure... +Excuse me, Mr. Doyle, if I could just borrow your charming fiancee for a moment. What part? +What part? I'd just like to have a word with her. +I'd just like to have a word with her. Why not? I'm going to have her for a lifetime. +I am here representing Mr. Dumbarton, on a... matter of some delicacy. Who's the pigeon? +Who's the pigeon? Excuse me? +Excuse me? Who do you want me to kill? +Who do you want me to kill? Well -- I, uh, that is to say Mr. Dumbarton -- would like you to uh, neutralize a, uh, business associate by the name of Marylin Rexroth Doyle Massey uh Dumbart -- uh, Massey. +Well -- I, uh, that is to say Mr. Dumbarton -- would like you to uh, neutralize a, uh, business associate by the name of Marylin Rexroth Doyle Massey uh Dumbart -- uh, Massey. Is that... one person? +Is that... one person? Here's her picture... +You're in a rush. Mr. Dumbarton is, yes. +Whoever sent you, I'll pay double. Mr. Dumbarton. +Is this Mr. Dumbarton? No... +That's his lawyer. Triple! +Triple! Who's the pigeon? +You're calling me a pestilence? That's a hoot! I'm sorry. That was unkind and -- but, we changed our minds. Did you really mean what you said on the phone. It wasn't because you found out about Rex? +Lemme tell you something. You are the pestilence. I'm the exterminator. Oh Joe, be happy for us. I'll pay you the twenty thousand. +Well, actually, all whores worship the dollar, if you want to get technical. Shut up. I was a lawyer. Just like you. And my clients? Whores just like you. +Objection, your honor! Grounds? +Grounds? Uh... poetry recitation. +Who's next, Mrs. Rabinow. We rest, Your Honor. +We rest, Your Honor. Mr. Massey? +Objection, Your Honor. This isn't about Mrs. Rexroth's filial obligations. Sustained. +She got absolutely nothing. Zero. Zip. So. I won't be seeing her? Your clients usually visit me after the settlement. +So. I won't be seeing her? Your clients usually visit me after the settlement. Not this one. Not unless her HMO covers plastic surgery, which, incidentally, she does not need. +Not this one. Not unless her HMO covers plastic surgery, which, incidentally, she does not need. Everyone needs plastic surgery. You need it. +Everyone needs plastic surgery. You need it. I don't need it. +I don't need it. You want Botox? +You want Botox? What the hell is Botox? +What the hell is Botox? It's a form of botulism. I just inject it into your forehead, and it paralyzes your eyebrows so you can't raise them... +It's a form of botulism. I just inject it into your forehead, and it paralyzes your eyebrows so you can't raise them... Why in God's name would I want...? +Why in God's name would I want...? No frown lines. New watch? +No frown lines. New watch? It's a LeCoultre Revers. You can flip the face, and set it for two time zones. +It's a LeCoultre Revers. You can flip the face, and set it for two time zones. Why would you need two time zones? You never leave Beverly Hills. +Why would you need two time zones? You never leave Beverly Hills. It was a gift from a client. +It was a gift from a client. Set one side for Bel Air. +Set one side for Bel Air. Botox. Christ. We had aspirations when we were in college. +Botox. Christ. We had aspirations when we were in college. We did not. +We did not. You were going to be a Cardiac Surgeon. I was going to clerk for the Supreme Court. +You were going to be a Cardiac Surgeon. I was going to clerk for the Supreme Court. I was going to play golf. You were going to have Asian girlfriends. +I was going to play golf. You were going to have Asian girlfriends. Denial is not a river in Egypt. +You're in check. I should be in therapy. +Do you think I'm going to end up like Herb Myerson, with a colostomy bag instead of a family? Got any symptoms? +Got any symptoms? Yes. The inability to experience pleasure. +Yes. The inability to experience pleasure. Oh. That. Don't waste time with your queen. +Oh. That. Don't waste time with your queen. What? +What? The Center Counter Defense. The thing is not to move your queen too early. +The Center Counter Defense. The thing is not to move your queen too early. She can't really love that idiot, can she? +She can't really love that idiot, can she? What? +What? Marylin Rexroth. She came into my office and signed a pre-nup with Howard Doyle. +Marylin Rexroth. She came into my office and signed a pre-nup with Howard Doyle. Doyle Oil? A Massey Pre-nup? She loves him. +Doyle Oil? A Massey Pre-nup? She loves him. He's the wrong man. +He's the wrong man. Miles! Don't waste time with someone else's queen, either. +I'm happy for you, pal. Thanks, buddy. +Thanks, buddy. Is she Asian? +Is she Asian? Asian? No. +Asian? No. Well... I'm still... +I have it. You have the pre-nup? +You have the pre-nup? No. I have the ring. Was I supposed to have a pre-nup? +No. I have the ring. Was I supposed to have a pre-nup? No. You have the ring. Wrigley has the pre-nup. +No. You have the ring. Wrigley has the pre-nup. Oh. I thought maybe -- Gee! +They won't get a conviction. The husband called it in as a suicide. The forensic guys weren't thinking murder. I'm sure some of the evidence was compromised. It's your move, Miles. +It's your move, Miles. I already made my move, Kenneth. +My God. What? +What? That was Marvin Untermeyer. +That was Marvin Untermeyer. Yes? +Yes? He was Rex Rexroth's personal attorney. +He was Rex Rexroth's personal attorney. What do you mean, was. +What do you mean, was. Rex just had a massive coronary. In the middle of a business meeting. He's dead. +I'm sorry to hear that. But you weren't close, were you? Marvin says that Rex's will is four years old. He never redrafted it. +Marvin says that Rex's will is four years old. He never redrafted it. Yes. +She's rich. We're still married. We have no pre-nup. So, that's good, right? +Who was that? That was -- oh, shit. What if he's on his way over there? +That was -- oh, shit. What if he's on his way over there? Huh? +Marylin! What have I done? I don't know, but don't call me Marylin. +Mrs. Guttman, you have testified that you were your husband's sexual slave for thirty-six years, ever since you were married -- Except for two years when he was in the Navy, in Korea. +Except for two years when he was in the Navy, in Korea. Prior to your marriage, what was your profession? +Prior to your marriage, what was your profession? I was a hostess. For Trans-World Airlines. +I was a hostess. For Trans-World Airlines. What is your husband's profession? +What is your husband's profession? He manufactures staples and industrial brad-tacks. He's very successful. +So who'd you hire? Ruth Rabino. +You should have tried to get pregnant Marylin -- solidify your position. No. +No. You like kids. +You like kids. I can't have a baby with a man I don't love... And I can't submit a child to divorce. +It was like that scene in The Godfather. Frankie Pentangeli is called to testify against the Family. And he's in court, and he looks into the spectators gallery, and sees his Brother. They brought the brother from Sicily. And Frankie can't say a word. He can't testify. That's what it was like seeing Pat in there. I couldn't even have Ruth cross examine her. Why do you think she did it? +Why do you think she did it? Maybe she wanted a free trip to LA. Maybe they offered her money. Massey is very seductive. Who knows. +Maybe she wanted a free trip to LA. Maybe they offered her money. Massey is very seductive. Who knows. Maybe they put a horse head in her bed? +I begged you to have a baby! In the Godfather, after the courtroom scene, Frankie Pentangeli opens his veins in the bathtub. +You're vulnerable. It's about time. +You said 'yes' didn't you? I said yes. +Is Tong older than Ming? I think Ming is older than Tong. What is this? +"Well. He said to ""make the house mine.""" Oh boy. If he only knew. +Oh boy. If he only knew. Yeah. I guess. You know -- +It sounded like a bell. I'll be right back. +-- Ruth Rabinow, this is Rex Rexroth. And you must be Mrs. Rexroth. And you must be Mr. Massey. +How nice. Positano is beautiful. Remember when we were there, Rex? We stayed in the Santo Pietro? That hotel on the cliff? +These are yours. Not according to Mrs. Rabinow. +I assume this is on Rex? Isn't everything? +Your husband told me you were beautiful, but I was unprepared. """Dismiss your vows, your feigned tears, your flattery, for where a heart is hard, they make no battery.""" +Do you have a hard heart, Marylin. Did you see the tape? +Did you see the tape? Not yet. +Not yet. See the tape. Then we can discuss my heart. +Tell me Mr. Massey. What was your performance about this afternoon? What does your lawyer think? +What does your lawyer think? Ruth says you've been too successful, that you're bored, complacent, and you're on your way down. +Ruth says you've been too successful, that you're bored, complacent, and you're on your way down. But you don't agree? +But you don't agree? How do you know? +How do you know? Why would you be here? +Why would you be here? I told you. I was hungry. +I'll have the tournedos of beef. And the lady will have the same? I assume you're a carnivore. I know you do. +"""Who ever lov'd that lov'd not at first sight?""" You didn't ask me here to pick me up. You could get in trouble for that. +You didn't ask me here to pick me up. You could get in trouble for that. Not really. You're not my client. Freedom of association. Big issue with the First Amendment fans. Want to go to Hawaii for the weekend? +Not really. You're not my client. Freedom of association. Big issue with the First Amendment fans. Want to go to Hawaii for the weekend? Have you ever been married, Miles? +Have you ever been married, Miles? No. +No. You don't believe in it. +You don't believe in it. As a matter of fact, I'm a huge fan. +As a matter of fact, I'm a huge fan. You just haven't met the right person. +You just haven't met the right person. No. I haven't. Have you? +All right, Miles. Let me tell you everything you THINK you know. I was married to Rex for a long time. I was an excellent wife, a partner, a lover, a hostess and a friend. There was only one thing I did wrong during the five years we were together. I got five years older. Think he should be able to ditch me for that? He wants a reconciliation. +He wants a reconciliation. See the tape. Then we can discuss reconciliation. Rex screwed up and I nailed his ass. Now I'm going to have it mounted and have my girlfriends over to throw darts at it. Then I'm getting on with my life. That's all I'm after. +See the tape. Then we can discuss reconciliation. Rex screwed up and I nailed his ass. Now I'm going to have it mounted and have my girlfriends over to throw darts at it. Then I'm getting on with my life. That's all I'm after. Gotcha. +Gotcha. What is it you're after, Miles? +What is it you're after, Miles? Oh, I'm a lot like you -- just looking for an ass to mount. +Oh, I'm a lot like you -- just looking for an ass to mount. Well, don't look at mine! +Yes. I loved my husband, Rex. And you've always loved him? +And you hoped to spend the rest of your life with him? Yes. Why is that so difficult for you to understand? +He'll regret this. Have you ever met Mr. Rexroth? +Oh, for the love of... That is true, isn't it Miles? Your pre-nup is the best there is? +That is true, isn't it Miles? Your pre-nup is the best there is? That is correct. Not to blow my own horn, but they devote an entire semester to it at Harvard Law. +-- we are both sure that's what we want? Absolutely. +Getting married. To him? He's a sick freak. +To him? He's a sick freak. He's passionate. +He's passionate. Passionate! He's a pervert. He should have to register when he moves. +Passionate! He's a pervert. He should have to register when he moves. All girls enjoy a little rough trade from time to time. +All girls enjoy a little rough trade from time to time. Marylin! Listen to me. +Marylin! Listen to me. No. You listen to me. You busted me, Miles. You left me with nothing! What did you expect me to do? Get a degree in counseling? Write a book about table linen? Because that's what wives do when they get dumped, and frankly, I'm not quite ready for that. +No. You listen to me. You busted me, Miles. You left me with nothing! What did you expect me to do? Get a degree in counseling? Write a book about table linen? Because that's what wives do when they get dumped, and frankly, I'm not quite ready for that. But why him? +But why him? We told you. We realized we've always been in love. +The Massey pre-nup has never been pene -- successfully challenged. So I hear. Is that all? +So I hear. Is that all? No, that's not all. +I'd like to offer my congratulations. That was a beautiful gesture of Howard's. Howard is a beautiful person. +Howard is a beautiful person. Yes. He's a diamond in the rough. And I have a feeling that someday soon you'll be taking that diamond and leaving the rough. +Yes. He's a diamond in the rough. And I have a feeling that someday soon you'll be taking that diamond and leaving the rough. Miles. Miles. Miles. +Miles. Miles. Miles. I am thrilled for you, but tell me this... How'd you get Howard to do it? I've addressed enough juries to appreciate the power of suggestion, but it seemed like he thought it was his own idea. +I am thrilled for you, but tell me this... How'd you get Howard to do it? I've addressed enough juries to appreciate the power of suggestion, but it seemed like he thought it was his own idea. It was his idea. It was a gesture of love and trust. Be happy for me, Miles. +It was his idea. It was a gesture of love and trust. Be happy for me, Miles. Well, when this goes south -- promise you'll have dinner with me? +Well, when this goes south -- promise you'll have dinner with me? Have you tried the duck? +Have you tried the duck? I figure a couple of months. That's how long it should take for the ink on the settlement to dry. +It has bones. Be sure to swallow one. Although knowing you as I do -- there will be no settlement. This time it will be complete and total annihilation. +To victory. I don't feel victorious Miles. I feel betrayed, abandoned and humiliated. I have pictures of him with another woman... +I don't feel victorious Miles. I feel betrayed, abandoned and humiliated. I have pictures of him with another woman... More pictures? My God, Marylin. You can open an erotic art gallery. +More pictures? My God, Marylin. You can open an erotic art gallery. Did you invite me here to score some cheap laughs. +Did you invite me here to score some cheap laughs. No. Just to comfort you, and appreciate you -- +No. Just to comfort you, and appreciate you -- You really think I engineered the whole thing. You think the marriage and the divorce was part of some scheme. You came here to celebrate because you think I'm without morality or soul. You -- sound like my mother. +Hello? Miles? +Miles? Yes? Marylin? +Yes? Marylin? You're right about me. I am worthless. I am nothing. I don't deserve to live. +You're right about me. I am worthless. I am nothing. I don't deserve to live. Marylin? When did I say...? +Marylin? When did I say...? I don't blame them for betraying me. I don't blame Rex, or Howard or my father. You see, Miles, I'm going to tell you something about me. Something you may or may not know. I suck! +Screw you, asswipe! Marylin? Forgive me but are you -- drunk? +Marylin? Forgive me but are you -- drunk? A little. You get out of the car. That's right, Fuctard. I'm talkin' to you! +A little. You get out of the car. That's right, Fuctard. I'm talkin' to you! You shouldn't be driving. Where are you? +You shouldn't be driving. Where are you? I'm on Sunset. Near the Beverly Hills hotel. Wanna meet me for a drink in the Polo...? +I'm on Sunset. Near the Beverly Hills hotel. Wanna meet me for a drink in the Polo...? I live right near there. The 800 Block of Maple. Come here. Marylin -- come here right now before -- just come here. +I live right near there. The 800 Block of Maple. Come here. Marylin -- come here right now before -- just come here. Okay. Should I stop at Starbucks and pick up a blended for -- +Okay. Should I stop at Starbucks and pick up a blended for -- No. Don't stop. +No. Don't stop. Okay Miles. +You have a very nice home, Miles. Very inviting. Thank you. +Thank you. You have wonderful art. I love that lithograph. Hockney? +You have wonderful art. I love that lithograph. Hockney? Yes. I just got that, actually. It was a gift. +Yes. I just got that, actually. It was a gift. From a -- girlfriend. +From a -- girlfriend. No. No. I don't have a... no. It was from a client. +No. No. I don't have a... no. It was from a client. No kidding. I'll bet you have some very grateful clients. What'd Rex buy you? +No kidding. I'll bet you have some very grateful clients. What'd Rex buy you? Rex sent me two humidors full of pre- Castro Cubans. +Is that you? Me. Yes. +Me. Yes. Oh. And that is -- mom? +Oh. And that is -- mom? Yeah. Mom. Mom and brother. +Yeah. Mom. Mom and brother. You look like you were a very sensitive child. You have expressive eyes. +Hmmm... And your mother was very beautiful. She must be proud of you. +And your mother was very beautiful. She must be proud of you. She never particularly cared for me. +She never particularly cared for me. She didn't love you? +She didn't love you? "No. She loved me. She would never not love her son. She just didn't... I wasn't her ""type."" She said I was a very, colicky baby. You know? Difficult. Not a good sleeper? Didn't eat well? We got off to a bad start, and she never seemed to recoup --" +"No. She loved me. She would never not love her son. She just didn't... I wasn't her ""type."" She said I was a very, colicky baby. You know? Difficult. Not a good sleeper? Didn't eat well? We got off to a bad start, and she never seemed to recoup --" She held that against you? +She held that against you? Apparently she was very disappointed. +Apparently she was very disappointed. Boy. Boy, oh boy. +And here I thought my mother was... Your mother was. +Your mother was. Oh right. You met Patricia. +We're damaged goods. No, we're not! +No, we're not! "We are, Miles. You know I'm right. There's something ""off"" about you and me Miles. And maybe it isn't because of these women -- maybe they were just extremely insightful and recognized our ""deficiencies"" very early on. Maybe..." +"We are, Miles. You know I'm right. There's something ""off"" about you and me Miles. And maybe it isn't because of these women -- maybe they were just extremely insightful and recognized our ""deficiencies"" very early on. Maybe..." That is bullshit! Mine is a bitch and yours is a psycho. I can't believe you're saying this, Marylin! There's nothing wrong with us. We're attractive and charismatic and successful and... I like us. +That is bullshit! Mine is a bitch and yours is a psycho. I can't believe you're saying this, Marylin! There's nothing wrong with us. We're attractive and charismatic and successful and... I like us. I'm sorry Miles. You shouldn't listen to me. I'm sure you have a very fulfilling life. I'd better go. I'm depressing. +I'm sorry Miles. You shouldn't listen to me. I'm sure you have a very fulfilling life. I'd better go. I'm depressing. No. +No. Thank you for the coffee. It's very robust. +Friends? Don't go. Stay with me for a while. +I have to say -- I'm speechless. No. I'm never speechless. I'm a little embarrassed. I'm not used to losing control with such -- volume. +I'm a little embarrassed. I'm not used to losing control with such -- volume. And I'm not used to -- Marylin -- there's something I want to ask you. +And I'm not used to -- Marylin -- there's something I want to ask you. What is it Miles? +What is it Miles? I want... I want to... +I want to be your -- your wife. Huh? +Huh? No... That wasn't right. I want YOU to be MY wife. +No... That wasn't right. I want YOU to be MY wife. Did you just propose to me? +Did you just propose to me? Yes. I am. What else could those words mean? I believe we belong together and we can make one another happy. And we should be happy because happiness is better than the alternative which is -- just jump in any old time, Marylin. You have more experience at this than I do. +Yes. I am. What else could those words mean? I believe we belong together and we can make one another happy. And we should be happy because happiness is better than the alternative which is -- just jump in any old time, Marylin. You have more experience at this than I do. Yes. +Yes. Yes? Yes, you do have more experience? +Yes? Yes, you do have more experience? Yes, Miles. I accept. +Yes, Miles. I accept. You do? +You do? Do you want me to sleep on it? +Do you want me to sleep on it? No. +No. Do you want to sleep on it? +Do you want to sleep on it? No ma'am. I have been asleep all my life up to this moment. Marylin, will you marry me? +No ma'am. I have been asleep all my life up to this moment. Marylin, will you marry me? Yes. Again. +I don't have a ring! I know. +I know. I have a watch. +Wasn't she the Judge at my divorce hearing? Yes. Short notice you know, but I think there's nice closure to it. Hello Judge Muson. A pleasure as always. +No. Judge -- just a sec. But Marylin, if we sign it, I can't hope to benefit from the marriage. Oh Miles! +Oh Miles! What I mean is, your wealth is completely protected. +But? I want this to be a marriage based on love, trust and community property. That's all I've ever wanted. +I'm sorry. I'm squishing you. I'll move to the... "No. Stay. I want you close to me. This couch is wrong. It's not a ""married couch.""" +Honey, I could sit... In fact, this is not a married house -- it's a bachelor pad. +In fact, this is not a married house -- it's a bachelor pad. Hardly. You have six bedrooms +Hardly. You have six bedrooms "I know. But I've converted most of them into ridiculous ""Guy"" rooms -- a billiard room, a card room, a gym -- Honey, want you to go out, as soon as you feel up to it -- and buy married things. Woman things. Personalize it. Marylinize it. Make this your house." +Here's my card. Spend as much as you want. We get mileage. "Well, I suppose I could ""girly"" it up for you with a little Fortuny, and some passementerie --" +"Well, I suppose I could ""girly"" it up for you with a little Fortuny, and some passementerie --" Good. Are those foods? +Good. Are those foods? Fabric and fringe. +Fabric and fringe. Exactly. And then -- maybe -- not right away -- There's a room right off the bedroom -- It would be perfect for a nursery. It's a walk in humidor right now -- but if I took out the refrigeration unit -- +Exactly. And then -- maybe -- not right away -- There's a room right off the bedroom -- It would be perfect for a nursery. It's a walk in humidor right now -- but if I took out the refrigeration unit -- Miles. +Miles. I think a nursery should be right off the master suite. My parents put mine in the guest house. Apparently they did have a Fisher Price intercom, but my mother turned it off when I was seven months old because I was so -- +Hi. Hello Marylin. +Hello Marylin. I have a surprise for you. +I have a surprise for you. I bet. +You don't like me? I love you. I want to have your baby. +I love you. I want to have your baby. What's wrong Miles? Did I spend too much? +Miles. I have a very good relationship with all the salesmen. I can return everything. Can you Marylin? Can you return the trust? Can you return the hopes? The dreams? Can you just... SEND IT ALL BACK FOR STORE CREDIT? +Can you Marylin? Can you return the trust? Can you return the hopes? The dreams? Can you just... SEND IT ALL BACK FOR STORE CREDIT? Miles? You're scaring me. +Miles? You're scaring me. I'm sorry, Darling. I love it. It's chic and timeless and elegant and eclectic and. It's you, Marylin. It is YOU. +Well. Well. Well. Look who made bail! May I come in? +May I come in? "I don't know. Maybe I should grab my mace. I'm a civil attorney. I have little experience with ""the criminal mind.""" +"I don't know. Maybe I should grab my mace. I'm a civil attorney. I have little experience with ""the criminal mind.""" I'd just like to pick up a few of my things +I'd just like to pick up a few of my things "I don't believe you have ""things.""" +"I don't believe you have ""things.""" On the contrary. We're married and we have no pre-nup, so a case could be made that everything in here is mine. +Comfy! What do you want? +What do you want? I want to nail you ass. +I want to nail you ass. Are you threatening me, because I'm sure that's a violation of the terms of your bail. +Are you threatening me, because I'm sure that's a violation of the terms of your bail. I'm reporting you to the IRS. +I'm reporting you to the IRS. The IRS? They owe me. I'm expecting a refund. +I'm clean with the IRS. I've reported every dollar I've ever made. Try again, girlfriend. I'm not talking about dollars, studmuffin. I'm talking about -- +STUFF. Got a light? "What kind of ""stuff?""" +Arty Farty stuff. Lithographs and pre Castro Cubans. Watches and mileage on private jets. Stuff, Miles. Stuff you get from grateful clients. Those are gifts. +Those are gifts. Salary. Unreported income. By the way, what time IS it on Bellagio Road? +Salary. Unreported income. By the way, what time IS it on Bellagio Road? You can't prove anything. +You can't prove anything. I don't have to. That's what the IRS guys do. And they do it with great zeal. See, they work at these tortuous civil service jobs, and when five hundred dollar an hour boys like you take their trade out in luxury goodies, these saps feel.. well, they feel like saps. And they feel bitter and they feel vengeful and they feel WRATH. What is this? A Romeo and Julieta? +I don't have to. That's what the IRS guys do. And they do it with great zeal. See, they work at these tortuous civil service jobs, and when five hundred dollar an hour boys like you take their trade out in luxury goodies, these saps feel.. well, they feel like saps. And they feel bitter and they feel vengeful and they feel WRATH. What is this? A Romeo and Julieta? You're out of your league, Marylin. Rexroth was a primate. I'm a professional. +You're out of your league, Marylin. Rexroth was a primate. I'm a professional. I know. So am I, right? And so is Agent Wilson of the Internal Revenue Service. He's a dedicated, underpaid graduate of Southwestern University -- very tenacious, and never more so than when he's dealing with an unscrupulous colleague. I think it's only fair to warn you: I'm going to file an action, Miles. And after a decent interval I plan to have Ruth seek an injunction that will forbid your approach within 500 feet of my house. +I know. So am I, right? And so is Agent Wilson of the Internal Revenue Service. He's a dedicated, underpaid graduate of Southwestern University -- very tenacious, and never more so than when he's dealing with an unscrupulous colleague. I think it's only fair to warn you: I'm going to file an action, Miles. And after a decent interval I plan to have Ruth seek an injunction that will forbid your approach within 500 feet of my house. Meaning my house. +Meaning my house. I believe the residence will be part of the settlement. +I believe the residence will be part of the settlement. Did our marriage ever mean anything to you? +Did our marriage ever mean anything to you? Drop the bogus forgery charge and I'll forget about your generous friends slash clients. +Drop the bogus forgery charge and I'll forget about your generous friends slash clients. That's blackmail. +That's blackmail. That's marriage. +Hello? Marylin? +Marylin? Miles? Miles! Where have you been? I've been trying to get in touch. +Miles? Miles! Where have you been? I've been trying to get in touch. You have to leave the house immediately! +You have to leave the house immediately! I will, Miles. I will leave. But Miles -- +I will, Miles. I will leave. But Miles -- No buts. Now. Out. +No buts. Now. Out. Just listen to me. I'm sorry, Miles. It's true that my initial intention was to... +Just listen to me. I'm sorry, Miles. It's true that my initial intention was to... Please! Leave the house. +Please! Leave the house. I fell in love Miles. +I fell in love Miles. So did I. Now pack up a few basics and -- +So did I. Now pack up a few basics and -- You do? You do love me? +It's a no go, Joe. Marylin! +Marylin! It's okay Joe. +Wait! He works for YOU? Now. But first, he worked for you. +Now. But first, he worked for you. You were going to have this thug...? +You were going to have this thug...? Wait just a second there. You sent him here. You unearthed this pestilence. +Nonono. Marylin -- I'm your husband. I'd be entitled to Rex's money. No matter what happened to you. That's true. +Marylin. Run. I'll distract him. I'm not leaving you. I took self defense +Hello Marylin. Hello Miles. +Hello Miles. Hard to believe this is the way it will end up for us. +Hard to believe this is the way it will end up for us. It's not something I wanted either. +It's not something I wanted either. But then -- I guess -- something inside me died when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me. +But then -- I guess -- something inside me died when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me. Yes. I know. It's exactly how I felt when I realized you'd hired the goon to kill... +You wounded me first, Marylin. Your forgetting Rex Rexroth? +Your forgetting Rex Rexroth? You're forgetting Howard Doyle? +You're forgetting Howard Doyle? Forgery? Fraud? +Forgery? Fraud? Income tax evasion? +Income tax evasion? Murder? +Murder? Murder! +Murder! I don't see how we can ever find our way back from... +Pre-Castro. "Fine. They were created during a dictatorship. What if something happened to you? What would I tell little Gus when he asked ""what was my daddy like?""" +Sweet. I thought so. +Rex. Get away from the door. Look, Marylin, can't we have a civilized discussion about this? +Look, Marylin, can't we have a civilized discussion about this? We are. And it's winding down. +We are. And it's winding down. But Marylin, you know a divorce would ruin me right now. Everything I have -- everything we have -- is tied up in my business. The business is my entire life. +But Marylin, you know a divorce would ruin me right now. Everything I have -- everything we have -- is tied up in my business. The business is my entire life. Are you forgetting about the Atcheson, Topeka and the Santa Fe? +Are you forgetting about the Atcheson, Topeka and the Santa Fe? Marylin? +Marylin? Rex. Go away. I don't want to have to sic the dogs on you. +Rex. Go away. I don't want to have to sic the dogs on you. Dogs? +Hello, Rex. Marylin. +Marylin. Are you alright? You lost weight. +Are you alright? You lost weight. My whole metabolism is -- off. +Do you need a Tagamet? You have some? +Have you been taking your digestive enzymes? Sometimes I forget. +I'm sorry. Where were we? We were about to request the primary residence, and thirty percent of the remaining assets. +I was devastated. Of course. Thank you, Mrs. Rexroth. +Who's that? Jesus. +Is this a lover? Please! +Forgery and Fraud? You used his credit card. +You used his credit card. He told me to -- he said he wanted me to -- +He told me to -- he said he wanted me to -- Quite a little shopping spree. How do you spend six figures in less than six hours? Oh, never mind I've seen it before. I've seen everything. +Quite a little shopping spree. How do you spend six figures in less than six hours? Oh, never mind I've seen it before. I've seen everything. Do you think he set me up? Do you think that was his intention? +Do you think he set me up? Do you think that was his intention? Like I know his intention? Or yours for that matter? I should join Sam. I'm too old for this bullshit. +Like I know his intention? Or yours for that matter? I should join Sam. I'm too old for this bullshit. He never even asked. He just assumed -- +He never even asked. He just assumed -- He was right, wasn't he? +He was right, wasn't he? So. Now what? +So. Now what? Now? Well, Marylin, now you cut a deal or find out how Jean Harris made it work for her. +You want to come out to the beach house tomorrow? I didn't know Barry had a beach house. +I didn't know Barry had a beach house. Neither did I until my lawyer found it -- quite a paper trail -- he had it in the dog's name. +She's a legend. Didn't she do Kravis or a Pearlman? She definitely did a Factor. She did a Harriman. +She did a Harriman. Wow. +Wow. In the words of my Private Investigator, we're going to nail his ass. +Miles Massey. Of Massey Myerson? +Of Massey Myerson? Do you know him? +Do you know him? By reputation. He got Ann Rumsey that cute little island of George's. +Who's she? Now? She's a night manager at McDonalds. +Maybe. We do have a man for you. +Please. I'm not seeing anyone until this is over. One husband at a time. I wish I had your discipline. +I don't know what his game is. He dismissed every one of Ruth's proposals. And Sarah, we weren't unreasonable. Well what does he want? +Well what does he want? I don't know. Ruth kept her cool, but I could tell she was surprised. +I don't know. Ruth kept her cool, but I could tell she was surprised. He has a reputation for being tough. +Lilly's up. Oh, God! +Every week -- I'm dying. +Anyway, even Rex seemed perplexed by his intransigence. If I didn't know better, I'd swear Massey had some personal investment in my ruination. So where are you now? +So where are you now? Well, if he continues to maintain this position -- we're in court. +Well, if he continues to maintain this position -- we're in court. Shit. +Shit. Get this! He called and invited me to dinner. +That stinks. They left you with absolutely nothing. It makes you wonder about the entire legal system. Like Rodney King. They bought her speech. If I was only in it for Rex's money, he shouldn't have to give me any. +Nothing specific, but I'll have my own place soon. So, Marylin. Is that what you said when you were a little girl? +So, Marylin. Is that what you said when you were a little girl? Probably. Every woman in my life was divorced at least twice. What was I supposed to say. Anthropologist? +You're not... No. I'll see some blood before this is over, but it won't be mine. +Sarah Sorkin. Ramona Barcelona -- this is Miles Massey. Hello Miles. +But Marylin, without this, you're completely exposed. I want to be exposed. +Is this Ming? It's not Ming. It's Tong. +I can't do this anymore. Let's get some lunch. What about rugs? I thought we were stopping at Mansour? +What about rugs? I thought we were stopping at Mansour? Right. +What? He's not what I expected. He's very -- he's so -- happy. +He's not what I expected. He's very -- he's so -- happy. But you're going through with it? +But you're going through with it? Yes, yes, it's just -- you know I've never been the first wife. Rex was married before me. +Yes, yes, it's just -- you know I've never been the first wife. Rex was married before me. So what? +So what? Miles is different. He's still so idealistic. +Miles is different. He's still so idealistic. Well, that's about to change big time. +Well, that's about to change big time. He has no cynicism or anger. For once I'm not the repository of rage at some other woman. +He has no cynicism or anger. For once I'm not the repository of rage at some other woman. Soon, you'll have your own rage! +Soon, you'll have your own rage! I guess. +-- is not a challenge. I need something I can sink my teeth into, professionally speaking. He would invite these girls home from the staple factory to our condominium in Palm Springs. He had a device he called the Intruder. +Wait. I know you. Yes? +Yes? You're Miles Massey! You probably don't recognize me. The drugs made me put on weight and grow facial hair. +You're Miles Massey! You probably don't recognize me. The drugs made me put on weight and grow facial hair. Excuse me? +Excuse me? You ruined my life you sonofabitch. Gimme those. +Yes, I know Howard Doyle. He tricked you. With a phony wife and a fake pre-nup. Howard Doyle. He got you. You married Marylin, didn't you? You thought she had money. HA HA HA. Howard Doyle made you think that because of what you did to me. And to Marylin Rexroth. Yeah. I heard all about it. My brother Howard Doyle got you. Neener neener neener. +Herb wants to see me? When you have a moment. +Mr. Massey -- Please! No calls! I'm feeling very fragile. +Please! No calls! I'm feeling very fragile. I'm sorry, Mr. Massey, but I felt certain you'd want to know -- Marylin Rexroth wants to see you. +I'm sorry, Mr. Massey, but I felt certain you'd want to know -- Marylin Rexroth wants to see you. Marylin Rexroth? When does she -- +Marylin Rexroth? When does she -- She's here now. +So, Ruth. How's Sam? Sam is Sam. He's taking up fly fishing. He's in a yert in Montana. +Sam is Sam. He's taking up fly fishing. He's in a yert in Montana. A yert. Ruth is a living legend, Rex. At a time when most women are in Boca, having early bird specials -- she's working so her husband can be in Montana. In a yert. +What?! Oh, just a routine mammogram. She said to say hello. She's going to Positano with your brother's family. +So, Miles. If you have a proposal, let's hear it. At this point my client is still prepared to consider reconciliation. +At this point my client is still prepared to consider reconciliation. My client has ruled that out. +My client has ruled that out. My client is prepared to entertain an amicable dissolution of the marriage without prejudice. +My client is prepared to entertain an amicable dissolution of the marriage without prejudice. That's delusional. +That's delusional. My client proposes a thirty day cooling off period. +My client proposes a thirty day cooling off period. My client feels sufficiently dispassionate. +My client feels sufficiently dispassionate. My client asks that you not initiate proceedings pending his setting certain affairs in order. +My client asks that you not initiate proceedings pending his setting certain affairs in order. Ha Ha. +Ha Ha. Heh heh. +-- So much for the icebreakers. What're you after, Ruth? My client is prepared to settle for fifty percent of the marital assets. +My client is prepared to settle for fifty percent of the marital assets. Why only fifty percent, Ruth? Why not ask for a hundred percent? +Why only fifty percent, Ruth? Why not ask for a hundred percent? Oh brother. Here we go. +Oh brother. Here we go. Why not a hundred and fifty percent? +Why not a hundred and fifty percent? Yes. Maybe you're right, Miles. Maybe we're being too conservative. Seventy five percent. +Are you familiar with Kirshner? Kirshner does not apply. Kirshner was in Kentucky. +...arty farty! Rephrase. Mrs. Rexroth, have you ever been in love? +He divorced his wife -- he married Marylin -- he divorced Marylin -- and he -- remarried his WIFE? What kind of sick -- Marylin was friends with Howard and Amanda Doyle. They don't like the way you operate. They helped her. +Marylin was friends with Howard and Amanda Doyle. They don't like the way you operate. They helped her. He never ate the pre-nup, did he! +He never ate the pre-nup, did he! I have no idea what Howard Doyle eats. I'm not a damn dietician. +I have no idea what Howard Doyle eats. I'm not a damn dietician. Did Marylin end up with money? +Did Marylin end up with money? She's YOUR wife. Why don't you ask her? Anyway, I assume she signed the highly over rated Massey pre-nup. +She's YOUR wife. Why don't you ask her? Anyway, I assume she signed the highly over rated Massey pre-nup. I don't have a pre-nup +...The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars... Don't give me that crap. That's MY crap. +Don't give me that crap. That's MY crap. And it's good! +And it's good! I'll have you suspended. I'll have you disbarred. +I'll have you suspended. I'll have you disbarred. Don't threaten me, Miles. I did nothing illegal. +Don't threaten me, Miles. I did nothing illegal. ...why did she do it, Ruth? Why? +...why did she do it, Ruth? Why? That's attorney client privilege. Sorry, Miles. But as a great and clever man once said, What's good for the goose -- +Where does that leave us? We've outlined a settlement... +Mr. Rexroth. Rex, please. +Rex, please. Miles Massey. Please sit, relax, and consider this office your office, your haven, your war room -- for the duration of the campaign. +Miles Massey. Please sit, relax, and consider this office your office, your haven, your war room -- for the duration of the campaign. Thank you. +Thank you. Now Rex. +...Well, my wife has me between a rock and a hard place. That's her job. You have to respect that. +That's her job. You have to respect that. When I first met Marylin -- Well, we were crazy about each other. Not emotionally, of course. We just couldn't keep our hands off each other. +When I first met Marylin -- Well, we were crazy about each other. Not emotionally, of course. We just couldn't keep our hands off each other. Mm. +Mm. But then... But then... +Time marches on. Ardor cools. No. Not exactly. It didn't exactly cool. Marylin is a knock-out. And very sexy -- but -- there's a lot of it out there. +No. Not exactly. It didn't exactly cool. Marylin is a knock-out. And very sexy -- but -- there's a lot of it out there. Ah. +Ah. "You know what I mean when I say ""it.""" +"You know what I mean when I say ""it.""" Gotcha. No need to get anatomically correct with me, Rex. +Gotcha. No need to get anatomically correct with me, Rex. Seems like there's more of it than ever before -- +Seems like there's more of it than ever before -- "Well, with the expanding global population -- Let me ask you this -- your wife. Has she pursued the opportunities which must present themselves to the ""knock-out, sexy woman"" you described?" +"Well, with the expanding global population -- Let me ask you this -- your wife. Has she pursued the opportunities which must present themselves to the ""knock-out, sexy woman"" you described?" I don't know. I can assume... +I don't know. I can assume... Not in court you can't. Has she retained counsel? +Not in court you can't. Has she retained counsel? I'm not sure. +I'm not sure. And your wife is aware of or has evidence of your activities? +And your wife is aware of or has evidence of your activities? Video. +Video. Mmm... And to cut to the chase, forensically speaking -- is there a pre-nup? +The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves. Well, let me ask you this: what kind of settlement do you seek? What are, for you, the parameters of the possible? That's the problem. I can't afford to give her anything. +That's the problem. I can't afford to give her anything. Nothing? +Nothing? I know that sounds rough but I'm about to close on a deal to develop some mini-malls, and I'm mortgaged up to my ass. If this deal goes south, I'm ruined -- I'll lose millions. +I know that sounds rough but I'm about to close on a deal to develop some mini-malls, and I'm mortgaged up to my ass. If this deal goes south, I'm ruined -- I'll lose millions. So, you propose that in spite of demonstrable infidelity on your part, your unoffending wife should be tossed out on her ear? +So, you propose that in spite of demonstrable infidelity on your part, your unoffending wife should be tossed out on her ear? Well -- is that possible? +What's Kirshner? Please -- let me handle this. Okay, Ruth, forget Kirshner -- what's your bottom line? +I think that went as well as could be expected. She always looked out for me. +She always looked out for me. And she had private investigators assisting her. +And she had private investigators assisting her. She brought my digestive enzymes. +She brought my digestive enzymes. In anticipation of making you sick. +In anticipation of making you sick. Maybe I should reconsider my... +Wait... He wants to give her...? Nothing. +Nothing. And she has...? +And she has...? Video. +Video. What the fuck...? +Wrigley! Sorry. +Sorry. Sometimes I have serious doubts about you. +Sometimes I have serious doubts about you. I am very sorry. +I am very sorry. Am I mentoring the wrong mentee? +Am I mentoring the wrong mentee? No. You're not. +No. You're not. I could be mentoring Kramer. Kramer clerked for Scalia. +What the hell is wrong with you? I can't help it. Even with the business we're in, I -- it gets me every time. It's so -- optimistic. +I can't help it. Even with the business we're in, I -- it gets me every time. It's so -- optimistic. Is she going through with it? +What do you think? What are they? +What are they? Berry spoons. +Berry spoons. Spoons! Honestly Wrigley, I'm surprised at you. What is this? Some Martha Stewart suggestion? Those are the most cockamamie things I've ever -- +Spoons! Honestly Wrigley, I'm surprised at you. What is this? Some Martha Stewart suggestion? Those are the most cockamamie things I've ever -- Miles -- why so angry? +I'm sorry I'm late. I was having lunch with Ruth Rabinow's assistant. Guess what? Marylin Rexroth is divorced! HA! +HA! ...and I hear she's richer than Croesus. +...and I hear she's richer than Croesus. Ah, but is she richer than Mrs. Croesus? +Ah, but is she richer than Mrs. Croesus? She could buy and sell you ten times over. +She could buy and sell you ten times over. She deserves every penny. They pay great athletes a fortune. Well, Marylin Rexroth is an athlete at the peak of her power. +Get me Marylin Rexroth Doyle. What...? +What...? She owes me a meal. +She owes me a meal. I'd stay away from her, Miles. +I'd stay away from her, Miles. I know you would, Wrigley. But would Kramer? +Wrigley? Miles. +Miles. Kenneth this is my associate, Wrigley. Wrigley this is my friend, Dr. Beck. +Kenneth this is my associate, Wrigley. Wrigley this is my friend, Dr. Beck. The plastic surgeon! I read about you in LA Style. +The plastic surgeon! I read about you in LA Style. Do you have it? +I tried to reach Ruth, but we couldn't get her. We wanted Ruth here for your protection as well -- +We wanted Ruth here for your protection as well -- The Judge is here. Over here, Judge Munson. +Yes. It's for your protection, sweetheart. You're the one with the -- the... -- the coin? +Extinguish? Should we counsel fear -- or trust? Should we seek to destroy -- or to build? Should we meet our clients' problems with cynicism -- or with love? +Now, Mrs. Banderas. What is your relationship to Mrs. Rexroth. We don't have much of a relationship anymore. I haven't seen her since before she married Rex. We had some very nice times prior to that. We were quite close. +And how would you define your relationship to Mrs. Rexroth. You know -- you are her...? Mother? +Hi, Sweetie. Hard to believe I know. I'm sure you are frequently mistaken for sisters. +No. I haven't. But I've been out of town. Hello, Rex. Hello there. You were never invited to meet your son-in-law? +You were never invited to meet your son-in-law? No. Uh uh. I don't think so. Hmm? No. Well... no. +Did you know Mrs. Rexroth was married? Of course. Of course she was married. What else would she be? Single? I don't think so. +Let me tell you something about Patty. "Who's ""Patty.""" +"Who's ""Patty.""" "Oh. That's her name. Patricia. Like mine. I was Pat and she was Patty. But she changed it after seeing ""Some Like It Hot."" To Marylin. After Marylin Monroe." +"Oh. That's her name. Patricia. Like mine. I was Pat and she was Patty. But she changed it after seeing ""Some Like It Hot."" To Marylin. After Marylin Monroe." I see. And what were you going to tell us about Patty slash Marylin? +I see. And what were you going to tell us about Patty slash Marylin? "When she was a tiny girl? And people asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up? She never said the usual things little girls say -- like -- nurse -- ballerina -- anchorwoman? She always said -- ""When I grow up, I want to be divorced.""" +Divorce was her childhood aspiration? "Well, not just divorce. She used to say ""I want to be divorced from some big dumb rich guy..."" And I guess her dream is coming true. I'm happy for you Patty" +I've been trying to nail George's for years, but he's very careful. I'll just keep having children. I think I'm pregnant, by the way. Ramona! Don't get Mia Farrow on us. +Ramona! Don't get Mia Farrow on us. Three is not Farrow. +Three is not Farrow. Who's Rex's guy? +George was so impressed he hired him when he divorced his second. Muriel Rumsey. +It's not so bad these days. Kids like joint custody. Two sets of toys. Maybe next time. +Thorstenson Gieselensen. He just separated from his third. He's in fish. He is fish. She's keeping his name. And one of his planes. And all seven of his children +She's keeping his name. And one of his planes. And all seven of his children And only two are hers. +That doesn't make sense. It's like punishing you for being goal oriented. Well, you can live here as long as you want. Do you have any plans? +We can't do the impossible, Mr. Andrews. What I'm asking isn't impossible. My daughter is somewhere between here and Miami. I want her found! +What I'm asking isn't impossible. My daughter is somewhere between here and Miami. I want her found! I've put extra men on, all along the way. +I've put extra men on, all along the way. It's not enough! Are you certain she's not with King Westley? +It's not enough! Are you certain she's not with King Westley? No. He's been trailed twenty-four hours a day since this thing started. He can't even get a phone call we don't know about. +No. He's been trailed twenty-four hours a day since this thing started. He can't even get a phone call we don't know about. I'm worried, Lovington. After all, something might have happened to her. +Oh—Mary— Yes, sir? +Yes, sir? How is she? +How is she? Why—uh—she's all right, sir. +Why—uh—she's all right, sir. What's the matter? Anything wrong? +What's the matter? Anything wrong? Oh, no, sir. No different than— +Oh, no, sir. No different than— Yes. I know. Still in the dumps, huh? +Yes. I know. Still in the dumps, huh? Yes sir. If you'll excuse me, sir—she sent me for a drink. Andrews stands a moment thoughtfully and then starts up the stairs, following which the scene dissolves to the UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR in front of Ellie's door. Andrews enters and knocks several times. Receiving no response, he gingerly opens the door. +Can't you get them to go any faster? This dissolves to a deserted ROAD, Peter at the wheel of his car. His high spirits find expression in his efforts to sing. """I found a million dollar baby—""" +Yeah, but I don't like the idea of walking in on your jamboree . . . Just between you and me—those things give me a stiff pain. You needn't see anybody. You can come directly to my study. I'd appreciate it very much if— +You needn't see anybody. You can come directly to my study. I'd appreciate it very much if— No—no. What the deuce do I want to— +Mr. Warne? Yeah. +Yeah. Come in. Sit down. +I was surprised to get your note. My daughter hadn't told me anything about you. About your helping her. That's typical of your daughter. Takes those things for granted. Why does she think I lugged her all the way from Miami— for the love of it? +That's typical of your daughter. Takes those things for granted. Why does she think I lugged her all the way from Miami— for the love of it? Please understand me. When I say she didn't tell me anything about it, I mean not until a little while ago. She thinks you're entitled to anything you can get. +Please understand me. When I say she didn't tell me anything about it, I mean not until a little while ago. She thinks you're entitled to anything you can get. Oh, she does, huh? Isn't that sweet of her! You don't , I suppose. +Oh, she does, huh? Isn't that sweet of her! You don't , I suppose. don't know. I'd have to see on what you base your claim. I presume you feel you're justified in— +don't know. I'd have to see on what you base your claim. I presume you feel you're justified in— If I didn't I wouldn't be here! I've got it all itemized. +I sold some drawers and socks, too; I'm throwing those in. And this is what you want—thirty- nine dollars and sixty cents? +And this is what you want—thirty- nine dollars and sixty cents? Why not? I'm not charging you for the time I wasted. +Why not? I'm not charging you for the time I wasted. Yes, I know—but— +Yes, I know—but— What's the matter? Isn't it cheap enough? A trip like that would cost you a thousand dollars! +What's the matter? Isn't it cheap enough? A trip like that would cost you a thousand dollars! Let me get this straight. You want this thirty-nine sixty in addition to the ten thousand dollars? +Let me get this straight. You want this thirty-nine sixty in addition to the ten thousand dollars? What ten thousand? +What ten thousand? The reward. +The reward. Who said anything about a reward! +Who said anything about a reward! I'm afraid I'm a little confused. You see, I assumed you were coming here for— +I'm afraid I'm a little confused. You see, I assumed you were coming here for— All I want is thirty-nine sixty. If you'll give me a check I'll get out of this place. It gives me the jitters. +All I want is thirty-nine sixty. If you'll give me a check I'll get out of this place. It gives me the jitters. You're a peculiar chap. +You're a peculiar chap. We'll go into that some other time. +We'll go into that some other time. The average man would go after the reward. All you seem to— +The average man would go after the reward. All you seem to— Listen, did anybody ever make a sucker out of you? This is a matter of principle. Something you probably wouldn't understand. When somebody takes me for a buggy ride I don't like the idea of having to pay for the privilege. +Listen, did anybody ever make a sucker out of you? This is a matter of principle. Something you probably wouldn't understand. When somebody takes me for a buggy ride I don't like the idea of having to pay for the privilege. You were taken for a buggy ride? +You were taken for a buggy ride? Yeah—with all the trimmings. Now, how about the check. Do I get it? +Here you are. Do you mind if I ask you something frankly? Do you love my daughter? A guy that'd fall in love with your daughter should have his head examined. +A guy that'd fall in love with your daughter should have his head examined. That's an evasion. +That's an evasion. She grabbed herself a perfect running mate. King Westley! The pill of the century! What she needs is a guy that'd take a sock at her every day—whether it's coming to her or not. +If you had half the brains you're supposed to have, you'd have done it yourself—long ago. Do you love her? +Do you love her? A normal human being couldn't live under the same roof with her, without going nuts. She's my idea of nothing! +A normal human being couldn't live under the same roof with her, without going nuts. She's my idea of nothing! I asked you a question. Do you love her? +I asked you a question. Do you love her? Yes! But don't hold that against me. I'm a little screwy myself. +What's this about not eating? I don't want to eat! And there's one more thing I don't want! Definitely! That's to see you. +Know what my next move is? No more cigarettes. Why don't you put me in chains? +Why don't you put me in chains? I might. +I might. All right! Put me in chains! Do anything you want! But I'm not going to eat a thing until you let me off this boat! +Come on, Ellie. Stop being silly. You know I'm going to have my way. I won't stand for it! I won't stand for your running my life! Why do you insist on it! +I won't stand for it! I won't stand for your running my life! Why do you insist on it! You ought to know why. Because— +You ought to know why. Because— Yes. I know. Because I'm your daughter and you love me. Because you don't want me to make any mistakes. Because— +Yes. I know. Because I'm your daughter and you love me. Because you don't want me to make any mistakes. Because— Because marrying that fool King Westley is— +Because marrying that fool King Westley is— You're wasting your time. I'm already married to him. +You're wasting your time. I'm already married to him. Not so far as I'm concerned, you're not. Yes? +Smart, aren't you! So subtle. If Gandhi had a chef like Paul, it would change the whole political situation in India. +If Gandhi had a chef like Paul, it would change the whole political situation in India. You can't tempt me. Do you hear? I won't eat! +You can't tempt me. Do you hear? I won't eat! Please. I can't fight on an empty stomach. Remember what Napoleon said. +Please. I can't fight on an empty stomach. Remember what Napoleon said. I hope you're not comparing yourself to Napoleon. He was a strategist. Your idea of strategy is to use a lead pipe. +Where are you taking me? South America. +South America. South America! +South America! We leave Miami in an hour. Soon's we get some supplies aboard. +We leave Miami in an hour. Soon's we get some supplies aboard. You'll have a corpse on your hands! That what You'll have. I won't eat a thing while I'm on this boat. +You'll have a corpse on your hands! That what You'll have. I won't eat a thing while I'm on this boat. In that event, we won't need so many supplies. +In that event, we won't need so many supplies. What do you expect to accomplish by all this? I'm already married! +What do you expect to accomplish by all this? I'm already married! I'll get it annulled. +I'll get it annulled. You'll never do it! You can't do it! +You'll never do it! You can't do it! I'll do it if it takes every penny I've got. I'll do it if I have to bribe that musical comedy Justice of the Peace! I'll do it—if I have to prove that you were dragged in, staggering drunk. You probably were. Mmm—mmm. This filet mignon is divine! +I'll do it if it takes every penny I've got. I'll do it if I have to bribe that musical comedy Justice of the Peace! I'll do it—if I have to prove that you were dragged in, staggering drunk. You probably were. Mmm—mmm. This filet mignon is divine! What've you got against King Westley? +What've you got against King Westley? Nothing much. I just think he's a fake, that's all. +Nothing much. I just think he's a fake, that's all. You only met him once . +You only met him once . That was enough. Do you mind handing me the ketchup? +That was enough. Do you mind handing me the ketchup? You talk as if he were a gigolo—or something. +You talk as if he were a gigolo—or something. Never mind—I'll get it myself. Gigolo? Why, you took the word right out of my mouth. Thanks. +Never mind—I'll get it myself. Gigolo? Why, you took the word right out of my mouth. Thanks. He's one of the best fliers in the country. Right now he's planning a trip to Japan. +He's one of the best fliers in the country. Right now he's planning a trip to Japan. You're going to finance him, I suppose. +You're going to finance him, I suppose. Why not? Look what he's doing for aviation. It takes courage to do what he does. And character! At least he's accomplished something worthwhile. I suppose you'd like to have me marry a business man. Well, I hate business men—particularly if you're a shining example. +Your whole life is devoted to just one thing. To accumulate more money. At least there's romance in what he's doing. He's no good, Ellie, and you know it. You married him only because I told you not to. +He's no good, Ellie, and you know it. You married him only because I told you not to. You've been telling me what not to do since I was old enough to remember. I'm sick of it! +A time will come when you'll thank me for this. I won't thank you! I'll never thank you! +I won't thank you! I'll never thank you! Please don't shout. +Please don't shout. I'll shout to my heart's content! I'll scream if I want to. +I'll shout to my heart's content! I'll scream if I want to. Ah! Coconut layer cake. Nice and gooey, too. Just the way I like it. +Ellie— Oh, hello, Dad. +Oh, hello, Dad. I knocked several times. +I knocked several times. Sorry. Must have been day-dreaming. +Sorry. Must have been day-dreaming. Well, everything's set. Creating quite a furor, too. Great stunt King's going to pull. +Well, everything's set. Creating quite a furor, too. Great stunt King's going to pull. Stunt? +Stunt? Landing on the lawn in an autogyro. +Landing on the lawn in an autogyro. Oh, yes. I heard. +Oh, yes. I heard. Yes. Personally, I think it's silly, too. +What's the matter, Ellie? What's wrong? Nothing. +Nothing. You've been acting so strangely since you returned. I'm—I'm worried. I haven't bothered to ask you any questions—I— Isn't all this what you wanted? You haven't changed your mind about King, have you? +You've been acting so strangely since you returned. I'm—I'm worried. I haven't bothered to ask you any questions—I— Isn't all this what you wanted? You haven't changed your mind about King, have you? Oh, no. +Oh, no. If you have, it isn't too late. You know how I feel about him. But I want to make you happy. You gave me such a scare—I—when I couldn't find you. You know, the old pump isn't what it used to be. +If you have, it isn't too late. You know how I feel about him. But I want to make you happy. You gave me such a scare—I—when I couldn't find you. You know, the old pump isn't what it used to be. Sorry, Dad. I wouldn't hurt you for the world. You know that. +I haven't seen you cry since you were a baby. This must be serious. Where'd you meet him? On the road. +On the road. Now, don't tell me you fell in love with a bus driver! +Now, don't tell me you fell in love with a bus driver! No. +No. Who is he? +Who is he? I don't know very much about him. Except that I love him. +I don't know very much about him. Except that I love him. Well, if it's as serious as all that—we'll move heaven and earth to— +Well, if it's as serious as all that—we'll move heaven and earth to— It'll do no good. He despises me. +It'll do no good. He despises me. Oh, come now— +Oh, come now— He despises everything I stand for. He thinks I'm spoiled and pampered, and selfish, and thoroughly insincere. +He despises everything I stand for. He thinks I'm spoiled and pampered, and selfish, and thoroughly insincere. Ridiculous! +Ridiculous! He doesn't think so much of you either. +He doesn't think so much of you either. Well! +Well! He blames you for everything that's wrong about me. Thinks you raised me stupidly. +He blames you for everything that's wrong about me. Thinks you raised me stupidly. Fine man to fall in love with. +Fine man to fall in love with. He's marvelous! +He's marvelous! Well, what are we going to do about it? Where is he? +Well, what are we going to do about it? Where is he? I don't know. +I don't know. I'd like to have a talk with him. +I'd like to have a talk with him. It's no use, Dad. I practically threw myself at him. +It's no use, Dad. I practically threw myself at him. Well, under the circumstances, don't you think we ought to call this thing off? +Well, under the circumstances, don't you think we ought to call this thing off? No, I'll go through with it. +No, I'll go through with it. But that's silly, child. Seeing how you feel, why— +But that's silly, child. Seeing how you feel, why— It doesn't matter. I don't want to stir up any more trouble. I've been doing it all my life. I've been such a burden to you—made your life so miserable—and mine, too. I'm tired, Dad. Tired of running around in circles. He's right, that's what I've been doing ever since I can remember. +Yes, I guess I have. I don't want to hurt anybody any more. I want to get away from all this front page publicity. It suddenly strikes me as being cheap and loathsome. I can't walk out on King now. It'll make us all look so ridiculous. Besides, what difference does it make? I'll never see Peter again. Is that his name? +Is that his name? Yes. Peter Warne. +Peter Warne! Why? Do you know him? +Why? Do you know him? Oh, no—no. +Oh, no—no. You haven't heard from him, have you, Dad? +You haven't heard from him, have you, Dad? Why, no . . . Don't be silly. +Why, no . . . Don't be silly. Oh, please, Dad— +Looks like that was his only interest in me. The reward. I'm sorry you read it. +I'm sorry you read it. Are you going to see him? +Are you going to see him? I suppose so. +I suppose so. Certainly! Pay him off. He's entitled to it. He did an excellent job. Kept me thoroughly entertained. It's worth every penny he gets. +I'll be going. Ellie swallows her drink and starts pouring herself another, as King enters. Well, if it isn't the groom himself! You're just in time, King. +might have been able to help if it weren't for you. I've been watched so closely, I— Yes. I know. Well, you can help now. I issued a statement yesterday that I've withdrawn my objections. Begging her to come home. I haven't heard from her. Apparently she doesn't trust me. +Yes. I know. Well, you can help now. I issued a statement yesterday that I've withdrawn my objections. Begging her to come home. I haven't heard from her. Apparently she doesn't trust me. Why should she? After all— +Why should she? After all— All right. That's why I sent for you. There's a room full of reporters out there. I want you to make a statement—that you've had a talk with me—that we've reached an understanding—that if Ellen comes home, I won't interfere with your marriage. Will you do that? +All right. That's why I sent for you. There's a room full of reporters out there. I want you to make a statement—that you've had a talk with me—that we've reached an understanding—that if Ellen comes home, I won't interfere with your marriage. Will you do that? If you really mean it, I will. +If you really mean it, I will. Of course I mean it! I don't care whom she's married to— —as long as I can get her back. +On a hunger strike, huh? When'd she eat last? She hasn't had a thing yesterday—or today. +She hasn't had a thing yesterday—or today. Been sending her meals in regularly? +Been sending her meals in regularly? Yessir. She refuses them all. +Yessir. She refuses them all. Why didn't you jam it down her throat? +Why didn't you jam it down her throat? It's not quite that simple. I've dealt with prisoners in my time, but this one— +It's not quite that simple. I've dealt with prisoners in my time, but this one— Absurd! All this fuss over a snip of a girl. I'm going down to see her myself. +It's my daughter! Go after her. Lower the boats! +What a hell cat. No controlling these modern girls. They're terrible! Terrible! Nothing terrible about her. She's great! Marvelous youngster! Got a mind of her own. Knows just what she wants. She's not going to get it though. She won't get very far. Has no money. +Terrible! Nothing terrible about her. She's great! Marvelous youngster! Got a mind of her own. Knows just what she wants. She's not going to get it though. She won't get very far. Has no money. What about that diamond wrist watch she had on—she can raise some money on that? +What about that diamond wrist watch she had on—she can raise some money on that? "Holy Smoke! I forgot all about that. Send a wireless at once, ""Lovington Detective Agency. Daughter escaped again. Watch all roads—all transports and railroad stations in Miami. Have your New York office keep tabs on King Westley. Intercept all messages. Want her back at all costs!""" +I haven't changed my mind, Westley, I want you to understand that! I don't like you! I never have! I never will! That's clear enough, isn't it? You've made that quite evident—with all your threats of annulment. Well, it hasn't bothered me for a minute. Ellie and I got married because we love each other. And she's proving it; as far as I'm concerned there's going to be no annulment. +You've made that quite evident—with all your threats of annulment. Well, it hasn't bothered me for a minute. Ellie and I got married because we love each other. And she's proving it; as far as I'm concerned there's going to be no annulment. You've got a good thing and you're hanging on to it, huh? All right, You win. I'll just have to get used to you. I admit I'm licked. But only because I'm worried. I've had detectives all over the country searching for her. I've seen thousands of photographs. Fortune tellers, nuts, every crank in the country has written me. Haven't slept one night this week. If I don't find her, I'll go crazy. +Why; naturally, I— Naturally. You're going to become a partner in a big institution. It's one of the largest in the world. +Naturally. You're going to become a partner in a big institution. It's one of the largest in the world. You talk as if— +You talk as if— Someday perhaps, you might even take charge. +Ellie? Oh, she's no responsibility. No? Say, listen—I've devoted a whole lifetime trying to tame that wildcat. Toughest job I ever tackled. Ever hear of J.P. Clarkson? Biggest man in the country, isn't he? Well, I tamed him . Got him eating out of the palm of my hand. I've browbeaten financiers, statesmen, foreign ministers—some of the most powerful people in the world—but I've never been able to do a thing with her. She's been too much for me. I'm glad you think it's easy. Now listen—if you'll do what I tell you, perhaps I might develop a little respect for you. You never can tell. +No? Say, listen—I've devoted a whole lifetime trying to tame that wildcat. Toughest job I ever tackled. Ever hear of J.P. Clarkson? Biggest man in the country, isn't he? Well, I tamed him . Got him eating out of the palm of my hand. I've browbeaten financiers, statesmen, foreign ministers—some of the most powerful people in the world—but I've never been able to do a thing with her. She's been too much for me. I'm glad you think it's easy. Now listen—if you'll do what I tell you, perhaps I might develop a little respect for you. You never can tell. What would you like to have me do? +What would you like to have me do? Sock her! +Try. Do me a favor. Try. It's your only chance. And hers, too. Do that for me—and maybe we'll be friends— Maybe. Do we understand each other? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Fine. I'll see you at the reception. +You thought that up all by yourself, huh? Why, it'll make all the front pages. A spectacular thing like that— +Why, it'll make all the front pages. A spectacular thing like that— Personally, I think it's stupid! But go ahead. Have a good time. As long as Ellie doesn't object. +Personally, I think it's stupid! But go ahead. Have a good time. As long as Ellie doesn't object. Oh, no. She'll be crazy about it. Well, see you later. I'm going out on the lawn and arrange for landing space. Goodbye. +Oh, no. She'll be crazy about it. Well, see you later. I'm going out on the lawn and arrange for landing space. Goodbye. We've done that already. +We've done that already. Yes, of course. +What happened? I haven't the slightest idea. +"Here's another wire, sir. This one's from Charleston. ""Checking every northbound train. Also assigned twenty operatives to watch main highways. No success yet. Will continue to do everything possible."" Signed: Lovington Detective Agency, Charleston." Any others? +Any others? Yessir. There's a report here from every State along the East coast. Want to hear them? +Yessir. There's a report here from every State along the East coast. Want to hear them? What do they say? +What do they say? They're practically all the same, sir. +They're practically all the same, sir. Amateurs! +Amateurs! They're the finest detective agency in the country, sir. +Don't want to talk to—don't want to talk to anybody. Don't want to see anybody. But it's King Westley on the phone. +But it's King Westley on the phone. Ooooooh. Hello my would-be ex-son-in-law. I've sent you a check for a hundred thousand. Yes. That's the smartest thing you ever did, Westley, not to contest that annulment. That's satisfactory, isn't it? Yeah. Well, it ought to be. Oh I'm not complaining. It was dirt cheap. Don't fall out of any windows. +Ooooooh. Hello my would-be ex-son-in-law. I've sent you a check for a hundred thousand. Yes. That's the smartest thing you ever did, Westley, not to contest that annulment. That's satisfactory, isn't it? Yeah. Well, it ought to be. Oh I'm not complaining. It was dirt cheap. Don't fall out of any windows. There's another wire from Peter, sir. They're in Glen Falls, Michigan. +There's another wire from Peter, sir. They're in Glen Falls, Michigan. """What's holding up the annulment, you slow poke? The Walls of Jericho are toppling."" Send him a telegram right away. Just say: ""Let 'em topple.""" +Never mind, son. She doesn't want it. But the lady says— +We ain't ate nothin' since yestidday. What happened to your money? +What happened to your money? Ma spent it all for the tickets. She didn't know it was gonna be so much. We shouldn'a come, I guess, but Ma said there's a job waitin' for her in New York—and if we didn't go, she might lose it. +Ma spent it all for the tickets. She didn't know it was gonna be so much. We shouldn'a come, I guess, but Ma said there's a job waitin' for her in New York—and if we didn't go, she might lose it. Going without food is bad business, son. Why didn't you ask somebody? +Going without food is bad business, son. Why didn't you ask somebody? I was gonna do it, but Ma wouldn't let me. She was ashamed, I guess. +Me? Forget it, son. I got millions. Thanks. +Hey, hey, aren't you afraid you'll burn out a tonsil? "Tonsil? Me? No! Me burn a tonsil? ""My tonsils won't burn— As life's corners I . . ." +"Tonsil? Me? No! Me burn a tonsil? ""My tonsils won't burn— As life's corners I . . ." All right, let it go. +All right, let it go. ". . . turn.""" +No, thanks. We're not hungry. Oh, I see, young people in love are never hungry. +Oh, I see, young people in love are never hungry. No. +No. """Young people in love Are very seldom hungry. People in love Are very seldom hungry . . .""" +Whadda you want! If you'll be good enough to remove those newspapers I'll have a seat. +If you'll be good enough to remove those newspapers I'll have a seat. Okay! Okay! Keep your shirt on, young feller. +Okay! Okay! Keep your shirt on, young feller. Just between you and me, I never intended taking it off. +What do you think you're doing! Huh? +Huh? The papers! The papers! Whadda you mean throwin' 'em out! +The papers! The papers! Whadda you mean throwin' 'em out! Oh—the papers— +That's a long story, my friend. You see, I don't like sitting on newspapers. I did once and all the headlines came off on my white pants. Hey, whadda you tryin' to do—kid me? +Hey, whadda you tryin' to do—kid me? Oh, I wouldn't kid you . On the level, it actually happened. Nobody bought a paper that day. They followed me all over town and read the news from the seat of my pants. +Oh, I wouldn't kid you . On the level, it actually happened. Nobody bought a paper that day. They followed me all over town and read the news from the seat of my pants. What're you gonna do about the papers? Somebody's gotta pick 'em up. +What're you gonna do about the papers? Somebody's gotta pick 'em up. It's okay with me. I'm not arguing. +It's okay with me. I'm not arguing. Fresh guy, huh! What you need is a good sock on the nose. +Fresh guy, huh! What you need is a good sock on the nose. Look here, partner. You may not like my nose. But I do. It's a good nose. The only one I've got. I always keep it out in the open where anybody can take a sock at it. If you decide to do it, make sure you don't miss. +Oh, yeah? Now, that's a brilliant answer. Why didn't I think of it? Our conversation could have been over long ago. +Now, that's a brilliant answer. Why didn't I think of it? Our conversation could have been over long ago. Oh, yeah? +Oh, yeah? You win! +Driver! Yeah? +Yeah? These seats accommodate two passengers, don't they? +These seats accommodate two passengers, don't they? Maybe they do—and maybe they don't. +That storm sure made a mess outa these roads. Holy Smokes! You'll never get out yourself! Better phone for some help. +Holy Smokes! You'll never get out yourself! Better phone for some help. Phone for help? We're right in the middle of nowhere. There isn't a town within ten miles of here. +I beg your pardon! Now, listen. I'm in a very ugly mood. I put up a stiff battle for that seat. So if it's just the same to you— scram. +Now, listen. I'm in a very ugly mood. I put up a stiff battle for that seat. So if it's just the same to you— scram. Driver! +Tell that man not to drive so fast. Are you talking to me? +Are you talking to me? Yes. Tell that man to drive slowly. +I don't know what you're raving about, young man. And, furthermore, I'm not interested. Well—of all the—well— Maybe you'll be interested to know your bag's gone. +Oh, my heavens! It's gone! Yeah. I knew you'd catch on eventually. +Yeah. I knew you'd catch on eventually. What happened? +What happened? That cadaverous-looking yegg who sat in front of us, just up and took it. Boy, how that baby can run! +That cadaverous-looking yegg who sat in front of us, just up and took it. Boy, how that baby can run! What am I going to do now? +What am I going to do now? Don't tell me your ticket was in it? +Don't tell me your ticket was in it? No, I've got that, all right. But my money. All I have here is four dollars. I've got to get to New York with it. +No, I've got that, all right. But my money. All I have here is four dollars. I've got to get to New York with it. You can wire home for some money when we get to Jacksonville. +You can wire home for some money when we get to Jacksonville. Why, no—I— Yes . . . I guess I will. +Why, no—I— Yes . . . I guess I will. I'll report it to the driver. About your bag, I mean. +I'll report it to the driver. About your bag, I mean. No. I'd rather you didn't. +No. I'd rather you didn't. Don't be a fool. You lost your bag. The company'll make good. What's your name? +Don't be a fool. You lost your bag. The company'll make good. What's your name? I don't want it reported! +I don't want it reported! Why, that's ridiculous! They're responsible for everything that— +Why, that's ridiculous! They're responsible for everything that— See here, can you understand English! I don't want it reported! Please stay out of my affairs! I want to be left alone. A CLOSE-UP of PETER shows him glaring after her. +See here, can you understand English! I don't want it reported! Please stay out of my affairs! I want to be left alone. A CLOSE-UP of PETER shows him glaring after her. Why, you ungrateful brat! +Oh, thank you. We're in Jacksonville, aren't we? Yes. +Yes. That was foolish of me. Why didn't you shove me away? +That was foolish of me. Why didn't you shove me away? I hated to wake you up. How about some breakfast? +I hated to wake you up. How about some breakfast? No, thank you. Thank you so much. +Remember me? I'm the fellow you slept on last night. Seems to me I've already thanked you for that. What time is the next bus to New York? +What's the matter? Wouldn't the old meanies wait for you? Say, how old are you anyway? Don't you know these busses work on a schedule? You need a guardian. What are you excited about? You missed the bus, too. +Don't tell me you did it on my account! hope you're not getting any idea that what happened last night is— You needn't concern yourself about me, young man. I can take care of myself. You're doing a pretty sloppy job of it. Here's your ticket. +You're doing a pretty sloppy job of it. Here's your ticket. My ticket? +My ticket? I found it on the seat. +I found it on the seat. Oh, thank you. Must have fallen out of my pocket. +You'll never get away with it, Miss Andrews. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Just a spoiled brat of a rich man. You and Westley'll make an ideal team. +Just a spoiled brat of a rich man. You and Westley'll make an ideal team. Will you please tell me what you're raving about! +Will you please tell me what you're raving about! You'll never get away with it, Miss Andrews. Your father'll stop you before you get half way to New York. +You'll never get away with it, Miss Andrews. Your father'll stop you before you get half way to New York. You must have me confused with— +You must have me confused with— Quit kidding! It's all over the front pages, You know, I've always been curious about the kind of a girl that would marry King Westley. +Take my advice—grab the first bus back to Miami. That guy's a phony. I didn't ask for your advice. +I didn't ask for your advice. That's right. You didn't. +That's right. You didn't. You're not going to notify my father, are you? +You're not going to notify my father, are you? What for? +What for? If you play your cards right, you might get some money out of it. +If you play your cards right, you might get some money out of it. I never thought of that. +I never thought of that. Listen, if you'll promise not to do it, I'll pay you. I'll pay you as much as he will. You won't gain anything by giving me away as long as I'm willing to make it worth your while. I've got to get to New York without being stopped. It's terribly important to me. I'd pay now, only the only thing I had when I jumped off the yacht was my wrist watch and I had to pawn that to get these clothes. I'll give you my address and you can get in touch with me the minute you get to New York. +Listen, if you'll promise not to do it, I'll pay you. I'll pay you as much as he will. You won't gain anything by giving me away as long as I'm willing to make it worth your while. I've got to get to New York without being stopped. It's terribly important to me. I'd pay now, only the only thing I had when I jumped off the yacht was my wrist watch and I had to pawn that to get these clothes. I'll give you my address and you can get in touch with me the minute you get to New York. "Never mind. You know I had you pegged right from the start, you're the spoiled brat of a rich father. The only way you can get anything is to buy it. Now you're in a jam and all you can think of is your money. It never fails, does it? Ever hear of the word ""Humility""? No, you wouldn't. I guess it never occurred to you to just say, ""Please mister, I'm in trouble. Will you help me?"" No; that'd bring you down off your high horse for a minute. Let me tell you something; maybe it'd take a load off your mind. You don't have to worry about me. I'm not interested in your money or your problems. You, King Westley, your father, you're all a lot of hooey to me." +If you promise not to snap my head off, I'd like to thank you. Forget it. I didn't do it for you. His voice got on my nerves. +Here, boy! What'd you do? Wire one of your friends for money? +What'd you do? Wire one of your friends for money? No. It'd be useless. Father'd get the wire before they would. +Of course I do. What do you mean— Beat it! +Beat it! You have your nerve! Here, boy—! +A dollar sixty! . . . You had four dollars last night! How do you expect to get to New York at the rate you're going? That's none of your business. +That's none of your business. You're on a budget from now on. +Now, just a minute—you can't— Shut up! +Hey, Brat—! The VIEW moves to the rear door of the bus. Ellie stands on the bottom step. Are you talking to me! +Are you talking to me! Yeah. Come on—we're stopping here for the night. +Darn clever, these Armenians. Yeah. Yeah, it's a gift. +Yeah. Yeah, it's a gift. I just had the unpleasant sensation of hearing you referred to as my husband. +I just had the unpleasant sensation of hearing you referred to as my husband. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I registered as Mr. and Mrs. +Oh, I forgot to tell you. I registered as Mr. and Mrs. Oh, you did? What am I expected to do—leap for joy? +Oh, you did? What am I expected to do—leap for joy? I kind of half expected you to thank me. +I kind of half expected you to thank me. Your ego is colossal. +Your ego is colossal. Yeah. Yeah, not bad. How's your's? +Chalk up one for your side. Now listen, you want to get to King Westley, don't you? All right, I'm here to help you. What I want is your story, exclusive. A day-to- day account. All about your mad flight to happiness. I need that story. Just between you and me I've got to have it. Now isn't that just too cute? There's a brain behind that face of yours, isn't there? You've got everything nicely figured out, for yourself, including this. +Now isn't that just too cute? There's a brain behind that face of yours, isn't there? You've got everything nicely figured out, for yourself, including this. This? Oh, that's a matter of simple mathematics. These cabins cost two bucks a night and I'm very sorry to inform you, wifey dear, but the family purse won't stand for our having separate establishments. +This? Oh, that's a matter of simple mathematics. These cabins cost two bucks a night and I'm very sorry to inform you, wifey dear, but the family purse won't stand for our having separate establishments. Well, thank you. Thank you very much, but— you've been very kind. +Well, thank you. Thank you very much, but— you've been very kind. Oh, yeah? It's all right with me. Go on out in the storm, but I'm going to follow you, see? Yeah. And if you get tough I'll just have to turn you over to your old man right now. Savvy? Now that's my whole plot in a nutshell. A simple story for simple people. Now if you behave yourself, I'll see that you get to King Westley; if not, I'll just have to spill the beans to papa. Now which of these beds do you prefer? This one? All right. +That, I suppose, makes everything—uh—quite all right. Oh, this?—I like privacy when I retire. I'm very delicate in that respect. Prying eyes annoy me. Behold the walls of Jericho![4] Maybe not as thick as the ones that Joshua blew down with his trumpet, but a lot safer. You see, I have no trumpet. Now just to show you my heart's in the right place, I'll give you my best pair of pajamas. +Do you mind joining the Israelites? You're not really serious about this, are you? +You're not really serious about this, are you? All right, don't join the Israelites. Perhaps you're interested in how a man undresses. Funny thing about that. Quite a study in psychology. No two men do it alike. +I have an idiosyncrasy all my own. You'll notice my coat came first—then the tie—then the shirt—now, according to Hoyle,[5] the pants should come next. But that's where I'm different. go for the shoes first. After that I— Smart aleck! +Do you mind putting out the light? Not at all. +Who are you? Who, me? Why, I'm the whippoorwill that cries in the night. I'm the soft morning breeze that caresses your lovely face. +Who, me? Why, I'm the whippoorwill that cries in the night. I'm the soft morning breeze that caresses your lovely face. You've got a name, haven't you? +You've got a name, haven't you? Yeah. I got a name. Peter Warne. +Yeah. I got a name. Peter Warne. Peter Warne? I don't like it. +Peter Warne? I don't like it. Don't let it bother you. You're giving it back to me in the morning. +Don't let it bother you. You're giving it back to me in the morning. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Warne ... +Pleased to meet you, Mr. Warne ... The pleasure is all mine. +Here— What is it? Why, it's a toothbrush! Thanks. You—you had it pressed. +What is it? Why, it's a toothbrush! Thanks. You—you had it pressed. Come on! Hurry up! Breakfast'll be ready in no time. +Come on! Hurry up! Breakfast'll be ready in no time. Why, you sweet thing, you. Where'd you get it pressed? +Why, you sweet thing, you. Where'd you get it pressed? Listen, Brat—I'm going to count to ten. If you're not out of bed by then I'm going to yank you out myself. +You'll find the showers—and things—right back of the second cottage. Outside! +Outside! Certainly, outside. All the best homes have 'em outside. +Certainly, outside. All the best homes have 'em outside. I can't go out like this. +I can't go out like this. Like what? +Like what? Like this. I have no robe. +Like this. I have no robe. Here—take mine. +Where'd you say the showers—and things—were? Hey—you're little, aren't you? +Hey—you're little, aren't you? Where is the shower? +Where is the shower? Your hair's cute like that. You should never comb it. +Your hair's cute like that. You should never comb it. I'll find it myself. +High time you got back. I met some very interesting women at the showers. We got to chatting about this and that. You know how time files. +Very outspoken, too. Said I looked funny. Wasn't that cute? Hurry up and get dressed. +Hurry up and get dressed. Why, Peter! Don't you want to hear about our lovely friends? +Why, Peter! Don't you want to hear about our lovely friends? If you didn't waste so much time on that wise-cracking drummer—we'd have been through with breakfast by this time. +Well, I hope you're not going to dictate whom I can talk to. I know a couple of truck drivers I'd like to have you meet sometime. Come on, sit down. +I know a couple of truck drivers I'd like to have you meet sometime. Come on, sit down. Thank you. My, my! Scrambled eggs. +Thank you. My, my! Scrambled eggs. Egg. One egg—doughnuts—black coffee. That's your ration till lunch. Any complaints? +Egg. One egg—doughnuts—black coffee. That's your ration till lunch. Any complaints? Nope. No complaints. +Nope. No complaints. I'd have gotten you some cream but it meant buying a whole pint. +I'd have gotten you some cream but it meant buying a whole pint. Why, you don't have to apologize, Mr. Warne. You'll never know how much I appreciate all this. +Why, you don't have to apologize, Mr. Warne. You'll never know how much I appreciate all this. What makes you so disgustingly cheerful this morning? +What makes you so disgustingly cheerful this morning? Must be the Spring. +Must be the Spring. "I thought maybe—uh—""believe you me"" told you a couple of snappy stories." +"I thought maybe—uh—""believe you me"" told you a couple of snappy stories." He apologized for last night. Said he didn't know we were married. +He apologized for last night. Said he didn't know we were married. Just shows you how wrong a guy can be. Doughnut? +Just shows you how wrong a guy can be. Doughnut? Thanks. You think this whole business is silly, don't you? I mean running away and everything. +Thanks. You think this whole business is silly, don't you? I mean running away and everything. No. No. It's too good a story. +No. No. It's too good a story. Yes, you do. You think I'm a fool and a spoiled brat. Perhaps I am, although I don't see how I can be. People who are spoiled are accustomed to having their own way. I never have. On the contrary, I've always been told what to do and how to do it and where and with whom. Would you believe it? This is the first time I've ever been alone with a man! +Yes, you do. You think I'm a fool and a spoiled brat. Perhaps I am, although I don't see how I can be. People who are spoiled are accustomed to having their own way. I never have. On the contrary, I've always been told what to do and how to do it and where and with whom. Would you believe it? This is the first time I've ever been alone with a man! Yeah? +Yeah? It's a wonder I'm not panic stricken. +It's a wonder I'm not panic stricken. Um. You're doing all right. +Um. You're doing all right. Thanks. Nurses, governesses, chaperones, even body-guards. Oh, it's been a lot of fun. +Thanks. Nurses, governesses, chaperones, even body-guards. Oh, it's been a lot of fun. One consolation; you can never be lonesome. +One consolation; you can never be lonesome. It has its moments. It got to be a sort of game to try to outwit father's detectives. I—I did it once; actually went shopping without a body-guard. It was swell. I felt absolutely immoral. But it didn't last long. They caught up with me in a department store. I was so mad I ran out the back way and jumped into the first car I saw. Guess who was in it? +It has its moments. It got to be a sort of game to try to outwit father's detectives. I—I did it once; actually went shopping without a body-guard. It was swell. I felt absolutely immoral. But it didn't last long. They caught up with me in a department store. I was so mad I ran out the back way and jumped into the first car I saw. Guess who was in it? Santa Claus? +Santa Claus? King—King Westley was in it. +King—King Westley was in it. Oh. Is that how you met him? +Oh. Is that how you met him? Um-hm. We rode around all afternoon. Father was frantic. By 6 o'clock he was having all the rivers dragged. +Um-hm. We rode around all afternoon. Father was frantic. By 6 o'clock he was having all the rivers dragged. Say, where did you learn to dunk, in finishing school? +Say, where did you learn to dunk, in finishing school? Aw, now, don't you start telling me I shouldn't dunk. +Aw, now, don't you start telling me I shouldn't dunk. Of course you shouldn't. You don't know how to do it. Dunking's an art. Don't let it soak so long. A dip and plop, into your mouth. If you let it soak so long, it'll get soft and fall off. It's all a matter of timing. I ought to write a book about it. +Of course you shouldn't. You don't know how to do it. Dunking's an art. Don't let it soak so long. A dip and plop, into your mouth. If you let it soak so long, it'll get soft and fall off. It's all a matter of timing. I ought to write a book about it. Thanks, professor. +Thanks, professor. Just goes to show you. Twenty millions and you don't know how to dunk. +Just goes to show you. Twenty millions and you don't know how to dunk. I'd change places with a plumber's daughter any day. +Detectives! That's Father at work, What'll I do? Peter, what'll I do? +That's Father at work, What'll I do? Peter, what'll I do? Don't look at me. I didn't marry King Westley. +Yeah. I got a letter from Aunt Betty. She says if we don't stop over at Wilkes-Barre she'll never forgive us. What are you talking about? +Don't get excited, Peter. They just asked a civil question. There you go again! How many times did I tell you to stop butting in when I have an argument? +There you go again! How many times did I tell you to stop butting in when I have an argument? Well, you don't have to lose your temper! +Well, you don't have to lose your temper! You don't have to lose your temper! That's what you told me the last time too. Every time I step in to protect you. At the Elk's dance[7] when that big Swede made a pass at you— +You don't have to lose your temper! That's what you told me the last time too. Every time I step in to protect you. At the Elk's dance[7] when that big Swede made a pass at you— He didn't make a pass at me! I told you a million times! +Oh, so now I was drunk! Well, you were! +Well, you were! I'm sorry I didn't take another sock at him. +I'm sorry I didn't take another sock at him. Yeah, and gotten yourself arrested! +Yeah, and gotten yourself arrested! Aw, nuts! You're just like your old man! Once a plumber always a plumber! There isn't an ounce of brains in your whole family! +Aw, nuts! You're just like your old man! Once a plumber always a plumber! There isn't an ounce of brains in your whole family! Peter Warne, you've gone far enough. I won't stand being insulted like this another minute. +Say, you were pretty good. Jumping in like that. Got a brain, haven't you? You weren't so bad yourself. +You weren't so bad yourself. "We could start a two-person stock company. If things get tough—we can play some small town auditoriums. We'll call this one ""The Great Deception.""[8]" +"We could start a two-person stock company. If things get tough—we can play some small town auditoriums. We'll call this one ""The Great Deception.""[8]" "Next week ""East Lynne.""" +"Next week ""East Lynne.""" "After that ""The Three Musketeers."" I'd make a great D'Artagnan." +"After that ""The Three Musketeers."" I'd make a great D'Artagnan." How about Cinderella—or a real hot love story? +How about Cinderella—or a real hot love story? No mushy stuff. I'm running this troupe. +No mushy stuff. I'm running this troupe. Oh, you are! Who made you the manager? +Oh, you are! Who made you the manager? I did! It was my idea, wasn't it? +I did! It was my idea, wasn't it? You always want to run everything. +You always want to run everything. If you don't like it, you can resign from the company. +If you don't like it, you can resign from the company. I refuse to resign! +I refuse to resign! Then I'll fire you. I'll do all the parts myself. +I better go over and see her. Don't be silly. Nothing you can do. Must be tough on an old woman—a trip like this. +Don't be silly. Nothing you can do. Must be tough on an old woman—a trip like this. Yes. +Poor old Shapeley. You shouldn't have frightened him like that. At the rate he started, he's probably passed two state lines by this time. The exercise is good for him. +At the rate he started, he's probably passed two state lines by this time. The exercise is good for him. Yes, I noticed he was getting a little fat lately. Ouch! +Yes, I noticed he was getting a little fat lately. Ouch! What's the matter? +What's the matter? I was never built for these moonlight strolls. Why did we have to leave the bus? +I was never built for these moonlight strolls. Why did we have to leave the bus? I don't trust that chatterbox. +First town we hit in the morning, you better wire your father. Not as long as I'm alive. +Not as long as I'm alive. Okay with me, if you can stand the starvation diet. +Okay with me, if you can stand the starvation diet. What do you mean—starvation? +What do you mean—starvation? It takes money to buy food. +It takes money to buy food. Why, haven't you—? +Why, haven't you—? Not a sou. I had some before the fainting scene. +Not a sou. I had some before the fainting scene. You didn't give that boy all your money? +You didn't give that boy all your money? I didn't give him anything . You were the big-hearted gal. How about wiring your father now? +I didn't give him anything . You were the big-hearted gal. How about wiring your father now? Never! I'll get to New York if I have to starve all the way. +Never! I'll get to New York if I have to starve all the way. Must be some strange power Westley has over you women. How do you expect to get there? +Must be some strange power Westley has over you women. How do you expect to get there? To New York? +To New York? Yeah. +Yeah. I'm following you. +I'm following you. Aren't you afraid of me? +Aren't you afraid of me? No. +No. Okay. Hang on to these. +I wish you'd stop being playful. "Sorry. It's the first time I've ridden ""piggy-back"" in years." +"Sorry. It's the first time I've ridden ""piggy-back"" in years." "This isn't ""piggy-back.""" +"This isn't ""piggy-back.""" Of course it is. +Of course it is. You're crazy. +You're crazy. "remember distinctly Father taking me for a ""piggy-back"" ride—" +"remember distinctly Father taking me for a ""piggy-back"" ride—" And he carried you like this, I suppose. +And he carried you like this, I suppose. Yes. +Yes. "Your father didn't know beans about ""piggy-back"" riding." +"Your father didn't know beans about ""piggy-back"" riding." "My uncle—Mother's brother—had four children . . . and I've seen them ride ""piggy-back.""" +"My uncle—Mother's brother—had four children . . . and I've seen them ride ""piggy-back.""" "I don't think there's a ""piggy- back"" rider in your whole family. I never knew a rich man yet who was a good ""piggy-back"" rider." +"I don't think there's a ""piggy- back"" rider in your whole family. I never knew a rich man yet who was a good ""piggy-back"" rider." That's silly. +That's silly. "To be a ""piggy-backer"" it takes complete relaxation—a warm heart—and a loving nature." +"To be a ""piggy-backer"" it takes complete relaxation—a warm heart—and a loving nature." And rich people have none of those qualifications, I suppose. +And rich people have none of those qualifications, I suppose. Not a one. +Not a one. You're prejudiced. +You're prejudiced. "Show me a good ""piggy-back"" rider and I'll show you somebody that's human. Take Abraham Lincoln, for instance—a natural ""piggy-backer."" Where do you get off with your stuffed-shirt family? Why, your father knew so much about ""piggy-back"" riding that he—" +This looks like the best spot. We're not going to sleep out here, are we? +We're not going to sleep out here, are we? I don't know about you, but I'm going to give a fairly good imitation of it. +Peter— What? +If you're scared it scares the hunger out of you. Not if you're more hungry than scared. +Not if you're more hungry than scared. All right. You win. Let's forget it. +All right. You win. Let's forget it. I can't forget it. I'm still hungry. +I can't forget it. I'm still hungry. Holy Smokes! Why did I ever get mixed up with you! +I'll get my clothes all wrinkled. Well, take them off. +Well, take them off. What! +What! All right! Don't take them off. Do whatever you please. But shut up about it. +What's the matter? Oh, Peter— +Oh, Peter— What's got into you? +What's got into you? Oh, Peter! I was so scared. +I wasn't gone more than a minute. Just went out to find you something to eat. know—but— +know—but— Here. Eat your head off. +Here. Eat your head off. I don't want it now. +I don't want it now. Thought you were hungry! +Thought you were hungry! was—but— +was—but— But what! +But what! was so scared—that it scared— +was so scared—that it scared— Holy Jumping Catfish! You can drive a guy crazy. +Sure. What? +What? Nothing. Nothing you'd give two cents for. +Nothing. Nothing you'd give two cents for. Try me. +I am. I only work when I have to. Two years ago I got a notion and went to China. There was a war going on. Swell! After a while it got stale. I went down to Tahiti. Just lay on the beach for six months. What could be sweeter? Doesn't sound very exciting. +What are you thinking about? By a strange coincidence, I was thinking of you. +By a strange coincidence, I was thinking of you. Really? +Really? Yeah. I was just wondering what makes dames like you so dizzy. +Yeah. I was just wondering what makes dames like you so dizzy. What'd you say we're supposed to be doing? +What'd you say we're supposed to be doing? Hitch-hiking. +Hitch-hiking. Well, you've given me a very good example of the hiking— +If it's just the same to you, we'll sit right here till they come. Got a toothpick? No. But I've got a penknife. +No. But I've got a penknife. Hay—in my teeth. +There it is. Better swallow it. We're not going to have any breakfast. Needn't rub it in. What're you eating? +Needn't rub it in. What're you eating? Carrots. +Carrots. Raw? +Raw? Uh-huh. Want one? +Uh-huh. Want one? No!! It's a wonder you couldn't get me something I can eat. +No!! It's a wonder you couldn't get me something I can eat. You don't think I'm going around panhandling for you. Best thing in the world for you—carrots. Had a tough time getting them. If that farmer ever caught me—goodnight! +You don't think I'm going around panhandling for you. Best thing in the world for you—carrots. Had a tough time getting them. If that farmer ever caught me—goodnight! I hate the horrid stuff. +I wish you wouldn't talk too much. We let a car get away. What if nobody stops for us? +What if nobody stops for us? Oh, they'll stop, all right. It's a matter of knowing how to hail them. +Oh, they'll stop, all right. It's a matter of knowing how to hail them. You're an expert, I suppose. +You're an expert, I suppose. "Expert! Going to write a book on it. Called the ""Hitch-Hikers Hail.""" +"Expert! Going to write a book on it. Called the ""Hitch-Hikers Hail.""" There's no end to your accomplishments. +There's no end to your accomplishments. You think it's simple, huh? +You think it's simple, huh? Oh, no! +Oh, no! Well, it is simple. It's all in the thumb, see? A lot of people do it— +But the thumb always works. Different ways to do it, though. Depends on how you feel. For instance, number one is a short, jerky movement— That shows independence. You don't care if they stop or not. 'Cause you got some money in your pocket, see? Clever. +Clever. Number two is a wider movement—a smile goes with that one—like this. That means you got a couple of brand new stories about the farmer's daughter.[12] +Number two is a wider movement—a smile goes with that one—like this. That means you got a couple of brand new stories about the farmer's daughter.[12] You figured that all out yourself, huh? +You figured that all out yourself, huh? Oh, that's nothing. Now take number three, for instance. That's a pip. It's the pathetic one. When you're broke—and hungry—and everything looks black. It's a long movement like this— —with a follow through. +Oh, that's nothing. Now take number three, for instance. That's a pip. It's the pathetic one. When you're broke—and hungry—and everything looks black. It's a long movement like this— —with a follow through. Amazing. +Amazing. Hm? Yeah, but it's no good if you haven't got a long face with it. +Here comes a car! Now watch me. I'm going to use Number One. Keep your eye on that thumb, baby, and see what happens. +Something must have gone wrong. I guess I'll try number two. When you get up to a hundred, wake me up. +I guess maybe I won't write that book after all. Yes. But look at all the fun you had. Mind if I try? +Yes. But look at all the fun you had. Mind if I try? You! Don't make me laugh. +You! Don't make me laugh. You're such a smart aleck! Nobody can do anything but you. I'll show you how to stop a car—and I won't use my thumb. +What're you going to do? Mind your own business. +You might give me a little credit. What for? +What for? I proved once and for all that the limb is mightier than the thumb. +I proved once and for all that the limb is mightier than the thumb. Why didn't you take all your clothes off? You could have stopped forty cars. +Why didn't you take all your clothes off? You could have stopped forty cars. We don't need forty cars. +What were you going to do? Gold dig him for a meal?[13] Why not? I'm hungry. +Why not? I'm hungry. Eat a carrot. +Eat a carrot. Never! I'm going in and ask him— +Never! I'm going in and ask him— If you do, I'll break your neck. +Oh, Peter! What happened? Are you all right? Come on—get in. +Come on—get in. Oh, you've been hurt! There's a cut on— +Oh, you've been hurt! There's a cut on— Come on! come on! +Come on! come on! What happened? +What happened? Just a road thief. Picks people up and runs off with their stuff. What a racket! +Just a road thief. Picks people up and runs off with their stuff. What a racket! What'd you give him for the car? +What'd you give him for the car? A black eye. +You don't have to eat the carrots. Just passed a pond with some ducks in it. Darling! +Any luck? Yeah. He finally agreed to let us have a room. +Yeah. He finally agreed to let us have a room. What about money? +What about money? Talked him out of it. He thinks we're going to stay a week. I'll have to think of something before morning. +Talked him out of it. He thinks we're going to stay a week. I'll have to think of something before morning. That's swell! +That's swell! I'm glad you think so. If you ask me, it's foolish. I told you there's no sense in our staying here tonight. We could make New York in less than three hours. +I'm glad you think so. If you ask me, it's foolish. I told you there's no sense in our staying here tonight. We could make New York in less than three hours. I couldn't arrive in New York at three in the morning. Everybody's in bed. +I couldn't arrive in New York at three in the morning. Everybody's in bed. Okay. Cottage Number Three. +Yes. You'll have a great story, won't you? Yeah, swell. +Thank you. Am I going to see you in New York? Nope. +Nope. Why not? +Haven't you ever wanted to fall in love? Me? +Me? Yes. Haven't you thought about it at all? Seems to me you could make some girl wonderfully happy. +Yes. Haven't you thought about it at all? Seems to me you could make some girl wonderfully happy. Maybe. Sure—sure, I've thought about it. Who hasn't? If I ever met the right sort of a girl, I'd— Yeah, but where you going to find her—somebody that's real—somebody that's alive? They don't come that way any more. +Better go back to your bed. I love you. +I love you. You're forgetting you're married. +You're forgetting you're married. I don't care. I love you. Nothing else matters. We can run away. Everything'll take care of itself. Please, Peter. You can't go out of my life now. I couldn't live without you. Oh, Peter— +I hope you got your money. You bet I did. +You bet I did. Congratulations. +Congratulations. Same to you. +Same to you. Why don't you stay and watch the fun? You'll enjoy it immensely. +Why don't you stay and watch the fun? You'll enjoy it immensely. I would. But I've got a weak stomach. +Compared to you, my friend, Shapeley's an amateur. Whatever gave you an idea you can get away with this! You're positively the most conceited— Hey, wait a minute! Let's get something straightened out right now. If you've any peculiar ideas that I'm interested in you, forget it. You're just a headline to me. +Hey, wait a minute! Let's get something straightened out right now. If you've any peculiar ideas that I'm interested in you, forget it. You're just a headline to me. A headline? You're not a newspaper man, are you? +I'll bet you're in an awful hurry to get back to New York, aren't you? Goodnight, Mr. Warne. +ONE—TWO—THREE—FOUR—FIVE Why, you bully. I believe you would. +Why, you bully. I believe you would. —six—seven—eight—nine— +—six—seven—eight—nine— I'm out! I'm out! +Maybe I could jump out of the window. Do you think they'd see me? Come here, you little fool! +There's a man here to see you, Sweetheart. Who—me? Want to see me? +No, it isn't. I'm hungry and—and scared. You can't be hungry and scared at the same time. +You can't be hungry and scared at the same time. Well, I am. +Comical part of it is, it isn't what you want at all. In a couple of weeks you'll be looking for the nearest exit . . . People like you spend all your life on a merry-go-round. I guess that's what makes you so dizzy. You're always chasing after something. At least you think you are. Truth is, you're just running away. From yourself, mostly. 'Cause you're miserable. You hate yourself. The world's full of people like you. Don't know what they want. Do you know? +I just want to be let alone, that's all. Life's swell if you don't try too hard. Most people want to get a strangle-hold on it. They're not living. They're just feverish. If they didn't get themselves all balled up with a lot of manufactured values, they'd find what they want. Peace and calm. When you get right down to it, what's all the shootin' for, will you tell me? After all, you can only eat three meals a day, only sleep in one bed— Right now, that hay feels pretty good to you, doesn't it? Sure it does. 'Cause you were tired—and it's the only thing around. You sound like a hobo. +Is that the Walls of Jericho going up? Yep! The Walls of Jericho. +No harm in your coming to see us. Not interested. +Not interested. Won't I ever see you again? +How are you, Ellie? Are you happy? Happy? Why shouldn't I be happy? I'm getting the handsomest man in captivity. Here you are, King. Let's drink. Let's drink to us . We finally made it, didn't we? +Happy? Why shouldn't I be happy? I'm getting the handsomest man in captivity. Here you are, King. Let's drink. Let's drink to us . We finally made it, didn't we? You bet we did. +You bet we did. It's up to you now. I want our life to be full of excitement, King. We'll never let up, will we? Never a dull moment. We'll get on a merry-go-round and never get off. Promise you'll never let me get off? It's the only way to live, isn't it? No time to think. We don't want to stop to think, do we? Just want to keep going. +It's up to you now. I want our life to be full of excitement, King. We'll never let up, will we? Never a dull moment. We'll get on a merry-go-round and never get off. Promise you'll never let me get off? It's the only way to live, isn't it? No time to think. We don't want to stop to think, do we? Just want to keep going. Whatever you say, darling. +Whatever you say, darling. I heard about your stunt. That's swell, King. Just think of it—the groom lands on the lawn with a plane. It's a perfect beginning for the life we're going to lead. It sets just the right tempo. Come on, King. You're lagging. +Where's the bus to New York? Left twenty minutes ago. +Left twenty minutes ago. Why, that's ridiculous! I was on that bus—I told them to wait! +Why, that's ridiculous! I was on that bus—I told them to wait! Sorry, Miss. It's gone. Ellie's face clouds. The crowds surge about her. She looks around thoughtfully. Suddenly her eyes open in surprise at something she sees, and the VIEW then moves over to Peter, who sits on his suitcase, looking toward Ellie. +Eight o'clock tonight. Eight o'clock! Why, that's twelve hours! +Eight o'clock! Why, that's twelve hours! Sorry, Miss. +Here's your ticket, ma'am. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Here. +Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Here. Oh, thank you. Thank you. +Oh, thank you. Thank you. When does the bus leave? +When does the bus leave? In about fifteen minutes. +In about fifteen minutes. Thank you. +What's the matter? Where's your husband, young lady— Husband? +Husband? Yes—if he is your husband. +Yes—if he is your husband. Isn't he here? +Isn't he here? No, he ain't! And the car's gone, too. +No, he ain't! And the car's gone, too. Why, he'll be back. +Why, he'll be back. Yeah? What makes you think so! He took his suitcase and everything. Kinda surprised, huh? It's just like I told you, Zeke. They ain't married a'tall . . . +Why, you can't put me out in the middle of the— Serves you right. Oughta be careful who you take up with on the road. You can't go plyin' your trade in my camp. +Serves you right. Oughta be careful who you take up with on the road. You can't go plyin' your trade in my camp. But can't you wait until morning— +But can't you wait until morning— Ain't gonna wait a minute. +Can I use your telephone? I want to talk to New York. You ain't gonna stick me for no phone calls. You can go down to the Sheriff's office. +You made no mistake sitting next to me. Just between us, the kinda muggs you meet on a hop like this ain't nothing to write home to the wife about. You gotta be awful careful who you hit up with, is what I always say, and you can't be too particular, neither. Once when I was comin' through North Carolina, I got to gabbin' with a good-lookin' mama. One of those young ones, you know, and plenty classy, too. Kinda struck my fancy. You know how it is. Well, sir, you could'a knocked me over with a Mack truck. I was just warming up when she's yanked offa the bus. Who do you think she was? Huh? Might as well give up. The girl bandit! The one the papers been writin' about. Yessir, you coulda knocked me over with a Mack truck. What's the matter, sister? You ain't sayin' much. Seems to me you're doing excellently without any assistance. +Seems to me you're doing excellently without any assistance. That's pretty good . . . Well, shut my big nasty mouth! +"But I don't go in for that kinda stuff—much. I like to pick my fillies. Take you, for instance. You're my type. No kiddin' sister. I could go for you in a big way. ""Fun-on-the-side Shapeley"" they call me, and the accent is on the fun, believe you me." Believe you me, you bore me to distraction. +Hey, what's this? Wearing Papa's things? Now that's cute. That's what I call real lovey-dovey. Yessir. If you don't get out of here, I'll slap that fresh mouth of yours. +If you don't get out of here, I'll slap that fresh mouth of yours. Sorry—I didn't mean to— +Sorry—I didn't mean to— Get out! +Get out! Okay. I was just trying to make conversation. +Do you mind taking those things off the Walls of Jericho? It's tough enough as it is. Oh, excuse me. +Oh, by the way—what's your name? What's that? +I've been thinking about you. Yes? +Yes? You've had a pretty tough break at that. Twice a Missus and still unkissed. +Hey—you not up yet? Come on—come on! What time is it? +What time is it? Eight o'clock. +I'm hungry. Just your imagination. +The old man's screwy! What's 'at? +What's 'at? I said, the old man's screwy! +I said, the old man's screwy! Yeah! +Yeah! The dame's too smart for him. +The dame's too smart for him. How'd you like to be married to a wild cat like that? +What's up? Bridge washed out—around Dawson. +Any of your passengers want a place to sleep—there's an auto camp up yonder a piece. Yeah? Where? +Yeah? Where? Up yonder. See the lights? +Up yonder. See the lights? Yeah. +Yeah. That's it. Dyke's Auto Camp. +That's it. Dyke's Auto Camp. Thanks. +Mr. Gordon— Huh? +Huh? Did you know he reversed the charges on that call? +Did you know he reversed the charges on that call? What! Say, listen you! When you get back to New York, take my advice and stay f-a-r away from this office—unless you don't care what happens to that funny map of yours. +Here's another wire from Peter Warne. "Throw it in the basket. What's it say? ""Have I got a story! It's getting hotter and hotter. Hope you're the same.""" +Collect? Yes. +Yes. Don't accept any more. +Say, listen, you wouldn't know a story if it reached up and kicked you in the pants. Yeah? Sure, sure, I got your copy. Why didn't you tell me you were going to write it in Greek? I'd start a new department. That was free verse, you gashouse palooka! +That was free verse, you gashouse palooka! Free verse, huh? What the dickens was free about it? It cost this paper a gob of dough. Well, I'm here to tell you, it's not gonna cost us any more. +Free verse, huh? What the dickens was free about it? It cost this paper a gob of dough. Well, I'm here to tell you, it's not gonna cost us any more. That's okay by me! 'Cause as far as I'm concerned, I'm through with newspapers! See? I'm through with stupidity! I'll never write another newspaper story, for you or anybody else, if I have to starve. Yeah? What about my novel! When I get through with that— +That's okay by me! 'Cause as far as I'm concerned, I'm through with newspapers! See? I'm through with stupidity! I'll never write another newspaper story, for you or anybody else, if I have to starve. Yeah? What about my novel! When I get through with that— When you get through with that, I'll have a beard down to my ankles. +Get out of here! Wait a minute, Gordon—I— +Wait a minute, Gordon—I— Get out! +Joe, listen— "Don't ""Joe"" me." +"Don't ""Joe"" me." Okay, Joe. Listen—you know I've always liked you. Anytime I could do you a great turn—anytime I ran into a story that looked good—I always came running to you, didn't I? Well, I got one now. Those wires I sent you were on the level. It's the biggest scoop of the year. I'm giving it to you, Joe. +Okay, Joe. Listen—you know I've always liked you. Anytime I could do you a great turn—anytime I ran into a story that looked good—I always came running to you, didn't I? Well, I got one now. Those wires I sent you were on the level. It's the biggest scoop of the year. I'm giving it to you, Joe. You mean about the Andrews' kid? +You mean about the Andrews' kid? That's it. I got it all written up. Ready to go. All I want is a thousand dollars. +A thousand dollars! Get out of this office before I throw you out bodily. Don't get sore, Joe. This is something you got to do for me. I need a thousand dollars—and I need it quick. I'm in a jam. +Don't get sore, Joe. This is something you got to do for me. I need a thousand dollars—and I need it quick. I'm in a jam. What's the thousand bucks for? +What's the thousand bucks for? To tear down the Walls of Jericho. +To tear down the Walls of Jericho. What! +What! Never mind . . . Listen—suppose I should tell you that Ellen Andrews is going to have her marriage annulled. +Never mind . . . Listen—suppose I should tell you that Ellen Andrews is going to have her marriage annulled. Huh? +Huh? That she's going to marry somebody else. +That she's going to marry somebody else. You're drunk. +You're drunk. Would an exclusive story like that be worth a thousand bucks to you? +Would an exclusive story like that be worth a thousand bucks to you? If it's on the level. +If it's on the level. Well, I got it, Joe. +Well, I got it, Joe. Who's she gonna marry? +Who's she gonna marry? It's all right here. Give me the thousand and it's yours. +It's all right here. Give me the thousand and it's yours. I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw that desk. +I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw that desk. Wait a minute, Joe. Use your bean. I couldn't afford to hand you a phoney yarn, like that. I'd be crazy. There isn't a newspaper in the country'd give me a job after that! I could go to jail! +Wait a minute, Joe. Use your bean. I couldn't afford to hand you a phoney yarn, like that. I'd be crazy. There isn't a newspaper in the country'd give me a job after that! I could go to jail! I'd put you there myself. +I'd put you there myself. Sure. I wouldn't blame you, either. +Sure. I wouldn't blame you, either. Who's the guy she's gonna marry? +Who's the guy she's gonna marry? I am, Joe. +I am, Joe. You! +You! Yeah. +Yeah. Now I know you're drunk. I'm going home. Don't annoy me any more. +Now I know you're drunk. I'm going home. Don't annoy me any more. For heaven's sake, Joe—stop being an editor for just a minute. We've been friends for a long time, haven't we? You ought to know when I'm serious. This is on the level. +I met her on a bus coming from Miami. Been with her every minute. I'm in love with her, Joe. Well, I'll be— +Well, I'll be— Listen, Pal—you've got to get this money for me. Now. Minutes count. She's waiting for me in an auto camp outside of Philadelphia. I've got to get right back. You see, she doesn't know I'm gone. A guy can't propose to a girl without a cent in the world, can he? +Thanks, Pal. You saved my life. Okay, pete. +'Bye, Agnes. You're beautiful. All women are beautiful! Gordon is immediately electrified into action. Oh, boy! What a yarn! What a yarn! Get me Hank on the phone. Gotta hold up the morning edition. +Hello, Joe. Sorry. Just a little gag of mine. Thought I'd have some fun with you. Yeah. Sure. Had me going for a while. +Yeah. Sure. Had me going for a while. Wouldn't have made a bad story, would it? +Wouldn't have made a bad story, would it? Great! But that's the way things go. You think you got a swell yarn—then something comes along—messes up the finish—and there you are. +Great! But that's the way things go. You think you got a swell yarn—then something comes along—messes up the finish—and there you are. Yeah, where am I? +Yeah, where am I? When you sober up—come in and see me. +When you sober up—come in and see me. Thanks, Joe. +All I'm asking is enough gas to get me to New York. The bag's worth twenty-five dollars. Yeah, but I got a bag. My wife gave me one for Christmas. +Yeah, but I got a bag. My wife gave me one for Christmas. Listen, man—I'll tell you what I'll do. When I come back in the morning, I'll buy it back from you and give you ten dollars profit? What do you say? +Listen, man—I'll tell you what I'll do. When I come back in the morning, I'll buy it back from you and give you ten dollars profit? What do you say? ain't got a hat— +ain't got a hat— What? +What? I ain't got a hat. +I ain't got a hat. Well, you got one now. —Come on, fill 'er up. +Funny couple, ain't they? Yeah. +Yeah. If you ask me, I don't believe they're married. +If you ask me, I don't believe they're married. They're married all right. I just seen the license. +They're married all right. I just seen the license. They made me get 'em a rope and a blanket, on a night like this. +They made me get 'em a rope and a blanket, on a night like this. Yeah? +Yeah? What do you reckon that's for? +What do you reckon that's for? Blamed if I know. I just brung 'em a trumpet. +Blamed if I know. I just brung 'em a trumpet. A trumpet? +A trumpet? Yeah. You know, one of those toy things. They sent me to the store to get it. +Yeah. You know, one of those toy things. They sent me to the store to get it. But what in the world do they want a trumpet for? +But what in the world do they want a trumpet for? I dunno. +You send telegrams here? "I'm just fine thanks, and how are you? To ""Joe Gordon, care of New York Mail, New York. Am I laughing. The biggest scoop of the year just dropped in my lap. I know where Ellen Andrews is—"" No, do you really?" +"I'm just fine thanks, and how are you? To ""Joe Gordon, care of New York Mail, New York. Am I laughing. The biggest scoop of the year just dropped in my lap. I know where Ellen Andrews is—"" No, do you really?" Go on. Go on send the telegram. +Go on. Go on send the telegram. """How would you like to have the story, you big tub of—of—""" +"""How would you like to have the story, you big tub of—of—""" Mush. Mush. +Mush. Mush. """Tub of mush. Well try and get it. What I said about never writing another line for you still goes. Are you burning? Peter Warne."" Well, that will be $2.60." +"""Tub of mush. Well try and get it. What I said about never writing another line for you still goes. Are you burning? Peter Warne."" Well, that will be $2.60." Send it collect. +Send it collect. Collect? +Collect? Collect. +There you go—trustin' people again. How many times did I tell you— He looked like an upright young feller to me, Ma. +He looked like an upright young feller to me, Ma. Yeah. They're all upright till they walk out on you. +Yeah. They're all upright till they walk out on you. Said he was gonna stay a week. +Said he was gonna stay a week. Mebbe. +Mebbe. Worst comes to the worst, we got his car for security. +Worst comes to the worst, we got his car for security. I don't trust him. +I told you! I told you, you couldn't trust him! He's gone! Who? +Who? That feller last night, that's who! He was gonna stay a week, huh? Well, he's skipped. Took the car with him, too. We wouldn't have known a thing about it until morning if I hadn't took that magnesia. Come on, get up, don't lay there. Let's do something about it. +See that. They're gone! Looks like it, don't it? Here's the woman, ma. +Looks like it, don't it? Here's the woman, ma. Oh!! +Then—you'll have to git ! Yeah, you'll have to git . +Not a minute! Better start gettin' into your clothes. +Better start gettin' into your clothes. Yeah. +Yeah. Zeke. Git! +Zeke. Git! Yes, Ma. +Well, you're two up on me now. Hey, you! +Huh? There's a seat over there for you. +There's a seat over there for you. What's the idea? +What's the idea? I'd like to sit with my—uh—wife—if you don't mind. +I'd like to sit with my—uh—wife—if you don't mind. Wife? +Wife? Yeah. Come on—come on! +Yeah. Come on—come on! Oh, excuse me. I was just tryin'—you know—to make things pleasant. +What's up? Looks like we're going to be stuck for a long time. +Looks like we're going to be stuck for a long time. Say, Buddy– +Travelin' like this, you kinda lose track of what's goin' on in the world. Thanks. +Thanks. If you wanna get anywhere nowadays, you gotta keep in touch with all the news, is what I always say. +If you wanna get anywhere nowadays, you gotta keep in touch with all the news, is what I always say. That's right. +That's right. Take that story there, for instance. Be kinda sweet if we could collect that ten thousand smackers. +Take that story there, for instance. Be kinda sweet if we could collect that ten thousand smackers. Yeah—wouldn't it? +Yeah—wouldn't it? It's a lotta dough. If I was to run across that dame, you know what I'd do? +It's a lotta dough. If I was to run across that dame, you know what I'd do? What? +What? I'd go fifty-fifty with you . +I'd go fifty-fifty with you . Why? +Why? Cause I'm a guy that don't believe in hoggin' it, see? A bird that figures that way winds up behind the eight ball,[10] is what I always say. +Cause I'm a guy that don't believe in hoggin' it, see? A bird that figures that way winds up behind the eight ball,[10] is what I always say. What's on your mind? +What's on your mind? Five G's—or I crab the works. +Five G's—or I crab the works. You're a pretty shrewd baby. We better get away from this gang. Talk this thing over privately. +Lucky thing, my running into you. Just the man I need. You're not making any mistake, believe you me. +You're not making any mistake, believe you me. I can use a smart guy like you. +I can use a smart guy like you. Say listen, when you're talkin' to old man Shapeley, you're talking to— +Say listen, when you're talkin' to old man Shapeley, you're talking to— Do you pack a gat?[11] A CLOSE VIEW of the TWO shows the smile dying on Shapeley's face. He looks up quickly. +Do you pack a gat?[11] A CLOSE VIEW of the TWO shows the smile dying on Shapeley's face. He looks up quickly. Huh? +Huh? A gat! A gat! Got any fireworks on you? +A gat! A gat! Got any fireworks on you? Why—no— +Why—no— That's all right. I got a couple of machine guns in my suitcase. I'll let you have one of them. +"Yeah—the ""big boy""—the Boss of the outfit." You're not kidnapping her, are you? +You're not kidnapping her, are you? What else, stupid! You don't think we're after that penny-ante reward, do you? Ten thousand bucks? Chicken feed! We're holding her for a million smackers. +What else, stupid! You don't think we're after that penny-ante reward, do you? Ten thousand bucks? Chicken feed! We're holding her for a million smackers. Say, look! I didn't know it was anything like this, see—and— +Say, look! I didn't know it was anything like this, see—and— What's the matter with you! Gettin' yellow? +What's the matter with you! Gettin' yellow? But I'm a married man. I got a couple of kids. I can't get mixed up with— +But I'm a married man. I got a couple of kids. I can't get mixed up with— Sh-sh-sh—! Soft pedal, you mug!—before I— What're you trying to do? Tell the whole world about it! Now listen, you're in this thing—and you're staying in! Get me? You know too much. +Sh-sh-sh—! Soft pedal, you mug!—before I— What're you trying to do? Tell the whole world about it! Now listen, you're in this thing—and you're staying in! Get me? You know too much. I won't say anything. Honest, I won't. +I won't say anything. Honest, I won't. Yeah ?—How do I know? I gotta good mind to plug you. I shouldn't take any chances on you. +Yeah ?—How do I know? I gotta good mind to plug you. I shouldn't take any chances on you. You can trust me, Mister. I'll keep my mouth shut. +Where do you live? Orange, New Jersey. +Orange, New Jersey. Got a couple of kids, huh? +Got a couple of kids, huh? Yeah. Just babies. +Yeah. Just babies. You love them, don't you? +You love them, don't you? Oh, gee, Mister—you wouldn't—you ain't thinkin' about— +Oh, gee, Mister—you wouldn't—you ain't thinkin' about— You'll keep your trap shut, all right. +You'll keep your trap shut, all right. Sure—sure—I'll keep my trap shut. you can depend on me, Mister. +Sure—sure—I'll keep my trap shut. you can depend on me, Mister. If you don't—Ever hear of Bugs Dooley? +If you don't—Ever hear of Bugs Dooley? No. +No. Nice guy. Just like you. But he made a big mistake, one day. Got kind of talkative. Know what happened? His kid was found in the bottom of the river. A rock tied around its neck. Poor Bugs! He couldn't take it. Blew his brains out. +Gee! That musta been terrible. I guess he had it coming to him though. But don't you worry about me. I don't talk. I never talk. Take my word for it. Gee, I wouldn't want anything to happen to my kids. Okay. Just remember that. Now beat it. +Okay. Just remember that. Now beat it. Oh, thanks, thanks, Mister. I always knew you guys were kind-hearted. +Oh, thanks, thanks, Mister. I always knew you guys were kind-hearted. Come on, scram! And stay away from that bus. +Come on, scram! And stay away from that bus. Sure. Anything you say. +Boss, Oswald impersonators? Sounds like James Bond now. Al, you can't tell a mink from a coonskin unless you see the fur up close. Goddamn, Sam! If we don't start reading between the lines here! Y'all gotta start thinking on a different level - like the CIA does. We're through the looking glass. Here white is black and black is white. +If this is Oswald, it must be our third Oswald. The interesting thing is the extent to which the Warren Commission went to make him a Communist. They got almost 150 pages and 130 exhibits of the report on this Mexico trip and the picture doesn't even match. I'm beginning to think the point of the Mexican episode was to lay the blame at Castro's door. If Oswald, or someone purporting to be Oswald, had gotten into Cuba, come back, then killed the President, the American public once again would've screamed for a Cuban invasion... +Susie, watch the language, would you please. My instinct is that Ferrie is going to keep on deteriorating, and we'll end up getting more out of him when he finally cracks. If we call him now, he might freeze up and we could lose the best shot we've ever had. +I don't care if he was doing it with giraffes in the zoo, Numa, it's none of our business. Let's keep this side of it quiet, shall we? When you're in a war, boss, you use every weapon you got. +When you're in a war, boss, you use every weapon you got. Not one word. That's an order. +"The U.S. Attorney in Washington ""declines"" to serve our subpoena on Allen Dulles, Charles Cabell, CIA Director Richard Helms, or any FBI agent we named." Well, what do you expect from a pig but a grunt. +Well, what do you expect from a pig but a grunt. Without them, it's going to be near impossible, chief, to prove Shaw's connection to the CIA. We got the same problem with the governors. All of them. Reagan in California won't give us Brading, Ohio refuses Orville Townsend, Texas on Arcacha, and Nebraska on Sandra Moffet. +William Walter, the night clerk on duty here in the FBI office, gave me a copy of this. It went all over the country. Nothing was done, and the motorcade went ahead on schedule - and this wasn't even mentioned in the Warren Report! Read it, Al. """Threat to assassinate President Kennedy in Dallas, Texas, November 22-23. Information received by the Bureau has determined that a militant revolutionary group may attempt to assassinate President Kennedy on his proposed trip to Dallas, Texas, etc, etc...""" +Gentlemen, I will not hear this. I value Bill as much as anyone here. We all need to make room for someone else's ideas, Lou, especially me. Maybe Oswald is what everyone says he is and I'm just plain dumb wrong. I've seen him copying files, leaving here late at night. +Why you keep dancing on my head for, my man? We been thicker'n molasses pie since law school. Because you keep conning me, Dean. I read your testimony to the Warren Commission and... +Because you keep conning me, Dean. I read your testimony to the Warren Commission and... There you go. Grain of salt. Two sides to every coin. +There you go. Grain of salt. Two sides to every coin. "You tell them the day after the assassination you were called on the phone by this ""Clay Bertrand"" and asked to fly to Dallas and be Lee Oswald's layer." +"You tell them the day after the assassination you were called on the phone by this ""Clay Bertrand"" and asked to fly to Dallas and be Lee Oswald's layer." Right. +Right. Now that's pretty important, Dean. You also told the FBI when you met him, he was six foot two. Then you tell the Commission he was five foot eight. How the hell did the man shrink like that, Dean? +Now that's pretty important, Dean. You also told the FBI when you met him, he was six foot two. Then you tell the Commission he was five foot eight. How the hell did the man shrink like that, Dean? They put the heat on, my man, just like you're doing. I gave'em anything that popped into my cabeza. Truth is, I never met the dude. +Yeah, she was pretty, all right, but not half as cute as you, Deano. You shoulda tried a legitimate line of business. You can't ever say crime don't pay in Louisiana, Jim - only not as good as it used to. Good chowder, ain't it? +You can't ever say crime don't pay in Louisiana, Jim - only not as good as it used to. Good chowder, ain't it? When did you first do business with this Bertrand? +When did you first do business with this Bertrand? Oh, I first heard these street cats jiving about him back in '56, '57 when I lived down in the Quarter. +Oh, I first heard these street cats jiving about him back in '56, '57 when I lived down in the Quarter. Street cats? +Street cats? Swishes. They swish, y'know. Young fags, you know. They'd come into my bureau needing help, no bread, and I'd say, hey man, I ain't Rockefeller, who gonna back you up? These cornmuffins go to the phone and dial... +What was his voice like? You knew you weren't talking to some low life fag, you know. He had command of the king's English. +You knew you weren't talking to some low life fag, you know. He had command of the king's English. Did he pay? +Did he pay? Always - like tits on a pig. I wish I had a million of those bimbettes. +Always - like tits on a pig. I wish I had a million of those bimbettes. And Oswald? +And Oswald? Like I told to the Washington boys, Bertrand called that summer and asked me to help the kid upgrade his Marine discharge... +Like I told to the Washington boys, Bertrand called that summer and asked me to help the kid upgrade his Marine discharge... So you saw Oswald how many times? +So you saw Oswald how many times? Three, four. He came in with a few Cubano swishes one time I remember... +Recall any names? Mario, Jose - they wear names like you and I wear clothes. Today the name is Candy, tomorrow it's Butsie. I wish I could help you, Jim. +Mario, Jose - they wear names like you and I wear clothes. Today the name is Candy, tomorrow it's Butsie. I wish I could help you, Jim. Did you speak to Oswald in Dallas? +Did you speak to Oswald in Dallas? Hell, no! I told this Bertrand cat right off, this isn't my scene, man. I deal with muni court, I'm a hack in nigger town, that kid needs a hot dog. +Hell, no! I told this Bertrand cat right off, this isn't my scene, man. I deal with muni court, I'm a hack in nigger town, that kid needs a hot dog. Then how the hell did you get in the Warren Commission, Dean? Except through the phone records in the Dallas jail? +Then how the hell did you get in the Warren Commission, Dean? Except through the phone records in the Dallas jail? There were no phone records. +There were no phone records. Of course there weren't. 'Cause they disappeared. And yet the Commission found you, Dean. +Of course there weren't. 'Cause they disappeared. And yet the Commission found you, Dean. I don't know how they got to me. Maybe cause I repped him here. The Feebees run background checks. On my mama's breasts, man, that's all I got. There wasn't no conspiracy, Jim. If there were, why the hell didn't Bobby Kennedy prosecute it as Attorney General, he was his brother for Chrissake. How the fuck three people could keep a secret like that, I don't know. It was Oswald. He was a nut job. Faggot, y'know, hated this country. +All this blubbering over that sonofabitch! They're grieving like they knew the man. It makes me want to puke. God's sake, chief. The President was shot. +God's sake, chief. The President was shot. A bullshit President! I don't see any weeping for all the thousands of Cubans that bastard condemned to death and torture at the Bay of Pigs. Where are all the tears for the Russians and Hungarians and Chinese living like slaves in prison camps run by Kennedy's communist buddies - All these damned peace treaties! I'm telling ya Jack, that's what happens when you let the niggers vote. They get together with the Jews and the Catholics and elect an Irish bleeding heart. +A bullshit President! I don't see any weeping for all the thousands of Cubans that bastard condemned to death and torture at the Bay of Pigs. Where are all the tears for the Russians and Hungarians and Chinese living like slaves in prison camps run by Kennedy's communist buddies - All these damned peace treaties! I'm telling ya Jack, that's what happens when you let the niggers vote. They get together with the Jews and the Catholics and elect an Irish bleeding heart. Chief, maybe you had a little too much to drink. +Chief, maybe you had a little too much to drink. Bullshit! Bartender, another round... Here's to the New Frontier. Camelot in smithereens. I'll drink to that. +Well, the kid musta gone nuts, right? I said Oswald must've flipped. Just did this crazy thing before anyone could stop him, right? I think I'll cut out here, chief. I gotta get home. +I think I'll cut out here, chief. I gotta get home. Get home my ass. We're going to the office, have another drink. I want some company tonight. +Who'd ever thought that goofy Oswald kid would pull off a stunt like an assassination? Just goes to show, you can never know about some people. Am I right, Jack? Well, bless my soul. Your eyes are as red as two cherries, Jack. Don't tell me we have another bleeding heart here. Hell, all these years I thought you were on my side. Chief, sometimes I don't know whether you're kidding or not. +Chief, sometimes I don't know whether you're kidding or not. I couldn't be more serious, Jack. Those big red eyes have me wondering about your loyalty. +Who the hell opened my files! You've been looking through my private files, haven't you, you weasel? You may not like this, chief, but you're beginning to act paranoid. I mean, you really are. +You may not like this, chief, but you're beginning to act paranoid. I mean, you really are. You found out about Dave Ferrie going to Texas today and you went through all my files to see what was going on. You're a goddamn spy. +You found out about Dave Ferrie going to Texas today and you went through all my files to see what was going on. You're a goddamn spy. Goddammit chief, why would I ever need to look in your files? I saw enough here this summer to write a book. +Goddammit chief, why would I ever need to look in your files? I saw enough here this summer to write a book. I always lock my files. And you were the only one here today... What do you mean, you son of a bitch? +I always lock my files. And you were the only one here today... What do you mean, you son of a bitch? You know what I mean. I saw a lot of strange things going on in this office this summer. And a lotta strange people. +Maybe there's more to this, Susie. The CIA's keeping something from our enemies. Yes, but we're talking about a dead warehouse employee of no political significance. Three years later and he's still classified? They gave us his grammar school records, a study of his pubic hairs... Put it in context, Bill, of what we know about Oswald. Lonely kid, no father, unstable childhood, high school dropout - wants to grow up and be a spy, joins the Marines at 17. He learns Russian, he acts overtly Marxist with two other marines, but he's stationed at a top secret base in Japan where U2 spy flights over Russia originate. He's discharged from the Marines supposedly because his mother's sick. He stays home 3 days, then with a $1500 ticket from a $203 bank account, he goes to Moscow... +I don't know if it's coincidence, but Oswald had a top security clearance and knew about the U2 program from his days at Atsugi Air Base in Japan. Six months after he arrives in Russia, Francis Gary Powers' U2 spy flight goes down in Russia. That plane was untouchable. Powers hinted that Oswald could've given the Russians enough data to hit it. As a direct result, the peace summit between Khrushchev and Eisenhower failed. I can't help thinking of that book Seven Days In May, maybe someone in our military didn't want the Peace Conference to happen, maybe Oswald was part of that. It gets weirder. Susie, you're an assistant D.A., remember. Stick to what you can prove in court. +Susie, you're an assistant D.A., remember. Stick to what you can prove in court. You want facts, Bill? Okay. From 1945 to '59 only two U.S. soldiers defect to Russia. From '59 to '60, seven defect, six return, one of them another Marine a month before Oswald. All of them young men made to seem poor, disenchanted. +Who? Grab your socks and pull... Clay Bertrand is Clay Shaw... +Grab your socks and pull... Clay Bertrand is Clay Shaw... No!... Shaw! Director of The Trade Mart? This is incredible. +Or a cover up! Jesus, Bill, don't you have enough proof of the FBI's complicity now? Maybe I have a little more respect for this country's institutions than you do, Susie. You tell me how the hell you can keep a conspiracy going between the Mob, the CIA, FBI, and Army Intelligence and who knows what else, when you know you can't even keep a secret in this room between 12 people! We got leaks everywhere! We're going to trial here! What the hell do we really got? Oswald, Ruby, Banister, Ferrie are dead. Shaw - maybe he's an agent, I don't know, but as a covert operator in my book he's wide open for blackmail 'cause of his homosexuality. +Bill. Hey, where y'at, Frank? You're wasting your time here. Big Jim gave strict orders. No FBI allowed. +Hey, where y'at, Frank? You're wasting your time here. Big Jim gave strict orders. No FBI allowed. It's you I want to talk to, Bill. +It's you I want to talk to, Bill. Boss would fry me in hog fat if he knew... +Boss would fry me in hog fat if he knew... Your boss got a serious problem, Bill. Real serious. We know what's been going on at your office +Your boss got a serious problem, Bill. Real serious. We know what's been going on at your office Yeah, I guess you do. +Yeah, I guess you do. You've got nothin', Bill. I'm talking as a friend now. You're riding on the Titanic. Time to jump off before you get destroyed along with Garrison. +You've got nothin', Bill. I'm talking as a friend now. You're riding on the Titanic. Time to jump off before you get destroyed along with Garrison. Frank, I don't want to hear it. +Frank, I don't want to hear it. Senator Long set your boss up, my friend. +Who do you think fed him that information? Garrison's going down. We're talking your career here, Bill, your life. You're a young guy... we know you're working that Castro thing. No, I'm not... +No, I'm not... Yes, you are. Look we know Oswald didn't pull that trigger. Castro did. But if that comes out, there's gonna be a war, boy - millions of people are gonna die. That's a hell of a lot more important than Jim Garrison. Goddammit, look at me when I talk to you! You're too goddamn self- opinionated, now shut up. If you got a brain in that thick skull of yours, listen to me. Listen real hard. +Correct me if I'm wrong. I thought we were on the same side. What the hell business is it of theirs to say that? Pretty fast, wasn't it. The way they let him go. +What do you think, Lou? I'm just an investigator, Bill. I leave the theories to you lawyers. +I'm just an investigator, Bill. I leave the theories to you lawyers. You, Numa? +"It's addressed to no one and no signature. ""To leave this life is, for me, a sweet prospect. I find nothing in it that is desirable and on the other hand, everything that is loathsome.""" Pretty flowery for Dave Ferrie. +The fact is he's gone, chief, and so's our case. Not unless we go for Shaw now. +Not unless we go for Shaw now. With whose testimony? Willie O'Keefe? A male prostitute. Jack Martini? A drunk? Vernon Bundy? A dope fiend. Shaw's got respect, the newspaper editors, the American Bar Association - they're not... +Yeah. They were seen together in Clinton in early September. The Civil Rights Movement was running a voter registration drive. ...rumor is Shaw, a local boy, was working on some arms deal to discredit the civil rights movement. No one really knows what they were doing there, but everyone sure saw 'em. They stood out like cottonballs. I got whites and blacks saw 'em, but last time I checked there was nothing illegal with registering to vote. We still got the Negro junkie, Vernon Bundy, saw 'em talkin' at the seawall near Lake Pontchartrain. But it's tough, boss - no one wants to talk about Shaw. He's... +...rumor is Shaw, a local boy, was working on some arms deal to discredit the civil rights movement. No one really knows what they were doing there, but everyone sure saw 'em. They stood out like cottonballs. I got whites and blacks saw 'em, but last time I checked there was nothing illegal with registering to vote. We still got the Negro junkie, Vernon Bundy, saw 'em talkin' at the seawall near Lake Pontchartrain. But it's tough, boss - no one wants to talk about Shaw. He's... You know you keep saying that. +You know you keep saying that. Keep saying what? +Keep saying what? You're not digging. +Clay Bertrand? Sure I know him. He comes around the Quarter. Who is he, Joe? I've been to every bar, no one wants to talk. +Who is he, Joe? I've been to every bar, no one wants to talk. I told your uncle I never met a lawman who wasn't a punk. You too, Bill, even if you're family. He's a big shot businessman. I seen him on the TV news a lot with all the other big shots. A fag, you know. Goes by another name down here. +I told your uncle I never met a lawman who wasn't a punk. You too, Bill, even if you're family. He's a big shot businessman. I seen him on the TV news a lot with all the other big shots. A fag, you know. Goes by another name down here. What's the other name? +What's the other name? Shaw. Clay Shaw. +Shaw. Clay Shaw. Clay Bertrand is Clay Shaw? The guy who used to run the International Trade Mart? +Clay Bertrand is Clay Shaw? The guy who used to run the International Trade Mart? Yeah, what's the big mystery? Everybody down here knows the guy. +Yeah, what's the big mystery? Everybody down here knows the guy. So why does he call himself Bertrand? +So why does he call himself Bertrand? Who gives a shit what he calls himself? +Clay Bertrand, Willie? Yeah. Clay. I met him sometime in June of '62 at the Masquerade Bar. Dave Ferrie took me there, for the express reason to meet him. +Did he pay you for this? Twenty dollars each time. Hell, it's no secret. That's what I'm here for. +...there were about nine or ten people, Cubans, friends of Dave doing some stuff in the bush with him. Place was a mess. Dave's mind was a mess, Y'know he had all those mice cages around cause he's working on this cure for cancer... Dave's smart - real smart - speaks five languages, knows philosophy, medicine, military history, politics. He wanted to be a priest but they defrocked him 'cause he was queer... And that's where you met Oswald for the first time? +And that's where you met Oswald for the first time? Yeah, strange guy. Dave introduced him as... +Fuck, yes. Hell, I'm already in jail. I got no reason to lie to you. I ain't no nigger. Go on, Willie. +Go on, Willie. "...well the party got crazier and crazier, one of those, y'know ""beatnik"" type things." +Hold your horses. What kinda source? The anonymous kind, Chief. +Morning, boys. Ready for a walking tour? At 7:30 Sunday morning? It's not exactly fresh blood we're sniffing here, boss. +At 7:30 Sunday morning? It's not exactly fresh blood we're sniffing here, boss. Old stains, Bill, but just as telling. +What the hell's a Communist like Lee Oswald doing working out of Banister's? Y'ever heard of a double agent, Bill? I'm beginning to doubt Oswald was ever a Communist... after the arrest, 544 Camp Street never appeared on the pamphlets again. Now here's another one for you: What would you say if I told you Lee Oswald had been trained in the Russian language when he was a Marine? +Lord, wake me, please. I must be dreaming. No, you're awake, Bill, and I'm dead serious. And we're going to start by tracking down your anonymous source from three years ago. How did you find out Dave Ferrie drove to Texas that day? +Well, it's a terrific yard, Chief, but the man's an obvious alcoholic with a reputation lower than crocodile piss. Does that bother you, Bill? I always wondered in court why it is because a woman is a prostitute, she has to have bad eyesight. +Does that bother you, Bill? I always wondered in court why it is because a woman is a prostitute, she has to have bad eyesight. He'll never sign a statement, boss, let alone get on a witness stand. +He'll never sign a statement, boss, let alone get on a witness stand. When something's rotten in the land, Bill, it generally isn't just one fish, we'll get corroboration... find this Clay Bertrand. If I were a betting man, I'd give you 10 to 1 it's an alias. Start checking around the Quarter. +When something's rotten in the land, Bill, it generally isn't just one fish, we'll get corroboration... find this Clay Bertrand. If I were a betting man, I'd give you 10 to 1 it's an alias. Start checking around the Quarter. And the six of us, with almost no budget and in secret, are going to solve the case that the Warren Commission with dozens of support staff and millions of dollars couldn't solve. We can't keep up with the crimes in the Parish as it is, Chief. +And the six of us, with almost no budget and in secret, are going to solve the case that the Warren Commission with dozens of support staff and millions of dollars couldn't solve. We can't keep up with the crimes in the Parish as it is, Chief. The murder of a President, Bill, is a crime in Orleans Parish too. I didn't pick you because of your legal skill, you know. +The murder of a President, Bill, is a crime in Orleans Parish too. I didn't pick you because of your legal skill, you know. Gee, thanks boss. +I'm lost, boss. What are we saying here? We're saying that when Oswald went to Russia, he was not a real defector, that he was an intelligence agent on some kind of mission for our government and he remained one till the day he died, that's what we're saying. +We're saying that when Oswald went to Russia, he was not a real defector, that he was an intelligence agent on some kind of mission for our government and he remained one till the day he died, that's what we're saying. And therefore because Oswald pulled the trigger, the intelligence community murdered their own commander in chief. That's what you're saying! +And therefore because Oswald pulled the trigger, the intelligence community murdered their own commander in chief. That's what you're saying! I'll go you one better! Maybe Oswald didn't even pull the trigger, Bill. The nitrate test indicates he didn't even fire a rifle on November 22nd. And on top of that, they didn't even bother to check if the rifle had been fired that day. +I'll go you one better! Maybe Oswald didn't even pull the trigger, Bill. The nitrate test indicates he didn't even fire a rifle on November 22nd. And on top of that, they didn't even bother to check if the rifle had been fired that day. He had his palm print on the weapon. +He had his palm print on the weapon. "It went to the goddamn FBI and they didn't find a goddamn thing. It comes back a week later and one guy in the Dallas police department suddenly finds a palm print which for all I know he could've taken off Oswald at the morgue. There's no chain of evidence, Bill. And what about the tow guns actually seen in the Depository? One an Enfield photographed by a newsman and the other a Mauser, described by Deputy Weitzman... Maybe, just maybe, Lee Oswald was exactly what he said he was Bill - ""a patsy"". Take it at face value. Lou, Susie, I'm going with my gut here. He's got an alias of Hidell to buy the rifle, ""O.H. Lee"" to rent the room, right? What's in a name, right? In intelligence, they're assumed to be fake. A name is sort of like a postbox number, a code - several different people can use the same name, right? Then why can't somebody be using Oswald's name?" +But why? To frame him, obviously. You got to get in your minds how the hell spooks think, Bill! They're not ordinary crooks. +I still have to question what the legal basis is that supports this, boss. Susie's stuff is colorful, but... Let's start making some assumptions about the man. Why would he leave a path as big as Lee Harvey Oswald's? This is not a thin trail, gentlemen, it is a very wide one. Who found the evidence? Who set him up? Lou, Bill, Susie, I want you to go back and check all the sightings of Oswald in Dallas, New Orleans and Mexico in the summer and fall of '63 - see if it's the same guy. +Can you get some sworn statements? That's gonna be tough. Nobody's talking. +That's gonna be tough. Nobody's talking. I think we should have him in for a little talk. +"That's fine, Numa, but what about all the people who aren't writing letters. They're sitting home reading all these lies. I just heard NBC crew's in town to do a ""White Paper"" - not on the Kennedy killing, but on us. One of their top guys, Harry Stoner, is talking to everybody he can find about you, boss..." Oh Jesus, Stoner!... Why doesn't he call me? +Those bastards! That's proof enough right there of what we're up against. The whole goddamn Federal Government, Bill! Well, they offered you the carrot, and you turned it down... you know what's coming next, don't you, boss? +"Found another note, same thing, no name, no signature. ""When you receive this, I will be quite dead, so no answer will be possible. I offered you love. All I got in return in the end was a kick in the teeth.""" Jesus, they must've been hard pressed to come up with that one. +All right, all right. Break it up. Where you going, boss? +Where you going, boss? I don't know, Bill, I just don't know. +I don't buy it, chief - why would the FBI cover it up? You're talking the whole FBI here. A telex that disappears from every single FBI office in the country? There's a word - orders. +Shaw's our toehold, Bill. I don't know exactly what he is, where he fits, and I don't care. I do know he's lying through his teeth and I'm not gonna let go of him! So for those reasons, you're going to trial against Clay Shaw, chief? Well, you're gonna lose! We should be investigating all our Mafia leads here in New Orleans - Carlos Marcello, Santos Trafficante - I can buy that a hell of a lot easier than the Government. Ruby's all Mob, knows Oswald, sets him up. Hoffa - Trafficante - Marcello, they hire some guns and they do Kennedy and maybe the Government doesn't want to open up a whole can o'worms there because it used the Mob to get to Castro. Y'know, Castro being assassinated sounds pretty wild to John Q. Citizen. So they close the book on J.F.K. It makes sense to me. +So for those reasons, you're going to trial against Clay Shaw, chief? Well, you're gonna lose! We should be investigating all our Mafia leads here in New Orleans - Carlos Marcello, Santos Trafficante - I can buy that a hell of a lot easier than the Government. Ruby's all Mob, knows Oswald, sets him up. Hoffa - Trafficante - Marcello, they hire some guns and they do Kennedy and maybe the Government doesn't want to open up a whole can o'worms there because it used the Mob to get to Castro. Y'know, Castro being assassinated sounds pretty wild to John Q. Citizen. So they close the book on J.F.K. It makes sense to me. I don't doubt their involvement, Bill, but at a low level. Could the Mob change the parade route, Bill, or eliminate the protection for the President? Could the Mob send Oswald to Russia and get him back? Could the Mob get the FBI, the CIA, and the Dallas Police to make a mess of the investigation? Could the Mob appoint the Warren Commission to cover it up? Could the Mob wreck the autopsy? Could the Mob influence the national media to go to sleep? And since when has the Mob used anything but .38's for hits, up close? The Mob wouldn't have the guts or the power for something of this magnitude. Assassins need payrolls, orders, times, schedules. This was a military-style ambush from start to finish... a coup d'etat with Lyndon Johnson waiting in the wings. +I don't doubt their involvement, Bill, but at a low level. Could the Mob change the parade route, Bill, or eliminate the protection for the President? Could the Mob send Oswald to Russia and get him back? Could the Mob get the FBI, the CIA, and the Dallas Police to make a mess of the investigation? Could the Mob appoint the Warren Commission to cover it up? Could the Mob wreck the autopsy? Could the Mob influence the national media to go to sleep? And since when has the Mob used anything but .38's for hits, up close? The Mob wouldn't have the guts or the power for something of this magnitude. Assassins need payrolls, orders, times, schedules. This was a military-style ambush from start to finish... a coup d'etat with Lyndon Johnson waiting in the wings. Oh, now you're saying Lyndon Johnson was involved? The President of the United States? +I know this, Bill - Lyndon Johnson got $1 billion for his Texas friends, Brown and Root, to dredge Cam Ranh Bay for the military in Vietnam. That's just for openers. Boss, are you calling the President a murderer? +Boss, are you calling the President a murderer? If I'm so far from the truth, why is the FBI bugging our offices? Why are our witnesses being bought off and murdered? Why are Federal agencies blocking our extraditions and subpoenas when we were never blocked before? +If I'm so far from the truth, why is the FBI bugging our offices? Why are our witnesses being bought off and murdered? Why are Federal agencies blocking our extraditions and subpoenas when we were never blocked before? Maybe 'cause there's some rogue element in the Government! +With a full-blown conspiracy to cover it up? Y'ever read your Shakespeare, Bill? Yeah. +Yeah. "Julius Caesar: ""Brutus and Cassius, they too are honorable men."" Who killed Caesar? Twenty, twenty-five Senators. All it takes is one Judas, Bill - a few people, on the inside, Pentagon, CIA..." +"Julius Caesar: ""Brutus and Cassius, they too are honorable men."" Who killed Caesar? Twenty, twenty-five Senators. All it takes is one Judas, Bill - a few people, on the inside, Pentagon, CIA..." This is Louisiana, chief. How the hell do you know who your daddy is? 'Cause your momma told you so... You're way out there taking a crap in the wind, boss, and I for one ain't going along on this one. Jim sighs, saddened. Bill was one of his best men. +What's it look like, Nick? I don't see any violence, Jim. Heart attack, maybe an aneurysm. Looks like natural causes. +Nick, what would happen if a man suffering from hypertension were to take an entire bottle of Proloid? He'd die pretty quick, either a heart storm or a ruptured blood vessel in the brain. +He'd die pretty quick, either a heart storm or a ruptured blood vessel in the brain. Can you ascertain if there's Proloid in his system? +Can you ascertain if there's Proloid in his system? Not in a routine autopsy, but if we looked at the spinal fluid, there might be a high level of iodine, but it's difficult to know. Whatcha thinkin', Jim? +Not in a routine autopsy, but if we looked at the spinal fluid, there might be a high level of iodine, but it's difficult to know. Whatcha thinkin', Jim? Well, it doesn't make sense, Nick - he was afraid of dying, then he kills himself in a way that leaves no trace, but he leaves two unsigned suicide notes. +Well, it doesn't make sense, Nick - he was afraid of dying, then he kills himself in a way that leaves no trace, but he leaves two unsigned suicide notes. If it's a suicide, I seen weirder, Jim. +Mr. Goldberg, you claim you met David Ferrie and Clay Shaw while on a vacation here from your accounting business in New York, you had drinks and, under the influence discussed killing Kennedy, is that not so? I did. +I did. Why? +Why? Well, I wanted to make sure she's the same girl I sent. +Well, I wanted to make sure she's the same girl I sent. I see... and why are you experiencing this paranoia? +I see... and why are you experiencing this paranoia? Well, you see, I've been subject to hypnosis and psychological warfare ever since 1948, when I was in Korea... +...Oswald? No, I did not. +No, I did not. ...ever called Dean Andrews? +...ever called Dean Andrews? No, I did not. +No, I did not. ...and have you ever met David Ferrie? +...and have you ever met David Ferrie? No, I would not even know what he looked like except for the pictures I've been shown. +No, I would not even know what he looked like except for the pictures I've been shown. ...did you ever use the alias Clay Bertrand? +...did you ever use the alias Clay Bertrand? No, I did not. +No, I did not. Thank you... Mr. Shaw. +You know damn well who it is. Dave? +Dave? Yeah, you got it. Since you're the only straight shooter in that fuckin' office, I'd like an answer from you. Did you plant it? +Yeah, you got it. Since you're the only straight shooter in that fuckin' office, I'd like an answer from you. Did you plant it? Dave, do you think we're out of our minds? The whole building's been a zoo since that broke. We can't get a thing done. Reporters crawling everywhere. You think we want that? +Somebody planted that fucking story! And somebody tipped off the press I'm one of Garrison's fucking suspects. I can't go home. I'm out on the street. The maggots are everywhere! Do you know what you've done to me? It's all over the national news now. You know what you've done to me? Calm down, Dave, what? +Calm down, Dave, what? I'm a dead man! From here on, believe me, I'm a dead man. +I'm a dead man! From here on, believe me, I'm a dead man. What are you talking about, Dave? You weren't mentioned in the story. Don't jump to conclusions. +What are you talking about, Dave? You weren't mentioned in the story. Don't jump to conclusions. You think your investigation's been all that secret? You know, when you talk to people, they talk to other people. +You think your investigation's been all that secret? You know, when you talk to people, they talk to other people. What did they... +What did they... You still questioning any Cubans? +You still questioning any Cubans? Dave, you know that's where this road leads. +Dave, you know that's where this road leads. It leads farther than that. +It leads farther than that. Dave, just calm down. Meet me in the lobby of the Fontainbleau in 20 minutes. I'll have a suite reserved for you under an assumed name. +Dave, just calm down. Meet me in the lobby of the Fontainbleau in 20 minutes. I'll have a suite reserved for you under an assumed name. The Fontainbleau? 20 minutes? +The Fontainbleau? 20 minutes? Yeah. Come on, Dave, come on our side. I guarantee you the boss'll protect you... Dave? +Yeah. Come on, Dave, come on our side. I guarantee you the boss'll protect you... Dave? ...give me protection? +...give me protection? Yeah! He'd kill for you Dave. He likes you. Your mind. +Yeah! He'd kill for you Dave. He likes you. Your mind. I got no place to sleep. I'll meet you in 20 minutes. +I'm caught in the middle. They're after me. It's almost over. Listen, Dave, why don't we order some room service, have a bite, relax. I'll stay as long as you want. +Listen, Dave, why don't we order some room service, have a bite, relax. I'll stay as long as you want. I don't know who to trust anymore. Yeah, sure I could use a pot of hot coffee and a few packs of Camels. You got anything new in the investigation? +"Dave, I always play square. No bugs. I'd love you to go on the record, but I""m in no hurry. Whenever you're ready." I don't have much time. They don't even need bugs anymore. They got these fuckin' satellite waves. They put a bug in a friend of mine when he was born, right up his nostrils, subcutaneous, between his eyes. He was one of those products of a crossbreading experiment. A Nazi rocket scientist father and a Commie spy mother. You'd never believe half the shit the Agency does. I'm so fuckin' tired. Haven't slept since that shit article came out. Why'd you guys have to go and get me involved with this? +I don't have much time. They don't even need bugs anymore. They got these fuckin' satellite waves. They put a bug in a friend of mine when he was born, right up his nostrils, subcutaneous, between his eyes. He was one of those products of a crossbreading experiment. A Nazi rocket scientist father and a Commie spy mother. You'd never believe half the shit the Agency does. I'm so fuckin' tired. Haven't slept since that shit article came out. Why'd you guys have to go and get me involved with this? Did we involve you, Dave, or did Clay Shaw? +Did we involve you, Dave, or did Clay Shaw? That cocksuckin' faggot! He's got me by the balls. +That cocksuckin' faggot! He's got me by the balls. What do you mean? +What do you mean? "Photographs - compromising stuff. And he'll use 'em. The Agency plays for keeps... I knew Oswald. He was in my Civil Air Patrol unit. I taught him everything. A ""wanna be,"" y'know, nobody really liked him cause he was a snitch. I treated him good. He'd talk about his kid, y'know, really wanted her to grow up with a chance, but... He got a raw deal. The Agency fucked him. Just like they're gonna fuck me." +What about the mob, Dave? How do they figure in this? "They're Agency, too. Don't you get it? CIA and Mafia together. Trying to whack out the Beard. Mutual interests. They been doing it for years. There's more to this than you dream. FBI fucking hates the CIA. Navy Intelligence got something to do with it too. Check out ""Alan Pope"" in Miami. Jack Youngblood. Bill Harvey. Colonel Roselli. The shooter, I hear, was a Dallas cop - the bagman at Ruby's club. I heard he shot his own partner. Got that? Check out the rich fucks in Dallas. H.L. Hunt. He's dirty. That's all I know. But the Agency always runs the show. Check out something called ""Mongoose"" Operation Mongoose. Government, Pentagon stuff, they're in charge, but who the fuck pulls whose chain who the fuck knows, fun 'n' games man - check out Southeast Asia - that's the next big number - the heroin trail. ""Oh, what a deadly web we weave when we practice to deceive.""" +Come in, Dave. Have a seat, make yourself comfortable. Coffee? Do you remember me, Mr. Garrison? I met you on Carondolet Street right after your election. I congratulated you, remember? +Do you remember me, Mr. Garrison? I met you on Carondolet Street right after your election. I congratulated you, remember? How could I forget? You make quite a first impression. Sharon, could you please bring us some coffee? I've heard over the years you're quite a first-rate pilot, Dave. Legend has it you can get in and out of any field, no matter how small... I'm a bit of a pilot myself, you know. Flew grasshoppers for the field artillery in the war. +Do you mind if I smoke, Mr. Garrison? How could I? Dave, as you know, President Kennedy was assassinated on Friday. A man named Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested as a suspect and then was murdered yesterday by a man named Jack Ruby. We've heard reports that Oswald spent the summer in New Orleans and we've been advised you knew Oswald pretty well. +How could I? Dave, as you know, President Kennedy was assassinated on Friday. A man named Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested as a suspect and then was murdered yesterday by a man named Jack Ruby. We've heard reports that Oswald spent the summer in New Orleans and we've been advised you knew Oswald pretty well. That's not true. I never met anybody named Oswald. Anybody who told you that has to be crazy. +That's not true. I never met anybody named Oswald. Anybody who told you that has to be crazy. But you are aware, he served in your Civil Air Patrol unit when he was a teenager. +But you are aware, he served in your Civil Air Patrol unit when he was a teenager. No... if he did, I don't remember him. There were lots of kids in and out... y'know. +No... if he did, I don't remember him. There were lots of kids in and out... y'know. I'm sure you've seen this. Perhaps you knew this man under another name? +I'm sure you've seen this. Perhaps you knew this man under another name? No, I never saw him before in my life. +No, I never saw him before in my life. Well that must've been mistaken information we got. Thanks for straightening it out for us. There is one other matter that's come up, Dave. We were told you took a trip to Texas shortly after the assassination of Friday. +Well that must've been mistaken information we got. Thanks for straightening it out for us. There is one other matter that's come up, Dave. We were told you took a trip to Texas shortly after the assassination of Friday. Yeah, now that's true. I drove to Houston. +Yeah, now that's true. I drove to Houston. What was so appealing about Houston? +What was so appealing about Houston? I hadn't been there ice skating in many years, and I had a couple of young friends with me, and we decided we wanted to go ice skating. +I hadn't been there ice skating in many years, and I had a couple of young friends with me, and we decided we wanted to go ice skating. Dave, may I ask why the urge to go ice skating in Texas happened to strike you during one of the most violent thunderstorms in recent memory? +Dave, may I ask why the urge to go ice skating in Texas happened to strike you during one of the most violent thunderstorms in recent memory? Oh, it was just a spur of the moment thing... the storm wasn't that bad. +Oh, it was just a spur of the moment thing... the storm wasn't that bad. I see. And where did you drive? +I see. And where did you drive? We went straight to Houston, and then Saturday night we drove to Galveston and stayed over there. +We went straight to Houston, and then Saturday night we drove to Galveston and stayed over there. Why Galveston? +Why Galveston? No particular reason. Just to go somewhere. +No particular reason. Just to go somewhere. And then Sunday? +And then Sunday? In the morning we went goose hunting. Then headed home, but I dropped the boys off to see some relatives and I stayed in Hammond. +In the morning we went goose hunting. Then headed home, but I dropped the boys off to see some relatives and I stayed in Hammond. Did you bag any geese on this trip? +Did you bag any geese on this trip? I believe the boys got a couple. +I believe the boys got a couple. But the boys told us they didn't get any. +But the boys told us they didn't get any. Oh yes, well, come to think of it, they're right. We got to where the geese were and there were thousands of them. But you couldn't approach them. They were a wise bunch of birds. +Oh yes, well, come to think of it, they're right. We got to where the geese were and there were thousands of them. But you couldn't approach them. They were a wise bunch of birds. Your young friends also told us you had no weapons in the car. Dave, isn't it a bit difficult to hunt for geese without a shotgun? +Your young friends also told us you had no weapons in the car. Dave, isn't it a bit difficult to hunt for geese without a shotgun? Yes, now I remember, Mr. Garrison. I'm sorry, I got confused. We got out there near the geese and it was only then we realized we'd forgotten our shotguns. Stupid, right? So of course we didn't get any geese. +Yes, now I remember, Mr. Garrison. I'm sorry, I got confused. We got out there near the geese and it was only then we realized we'd forgotten our shotguns. Stupid, right? So of course we didn't get any geese. I see. Dave thank you for your time. I'm sorry it has to end inconveniently for you, but I'm going to have you detained for further questioning by the FBI. +I see. Dave thank you for your time. I'm sorry it has to end inconveniently for you, but I'm going to have you detained for further questioning by the FBI. Why? What's wrong? +Why? What's wrong? Dave, I find your story simply not believable. +Leon's in a bad mood, don't get excited, he's all right. "Would you say this ""Leon"" was actually Lee Harvey Oswald?" +You mean about the Cubans getting trained north of the lake? Oh, you got that? Banister's pet project. Getting paid by the government to work against the government. Beautiful. What a mind he had, what a guy, Guy. He had all those files. +Oh, you got that? Banister's pet project. Getting paid by the government to work against the government. Beautiful. What a mind he had, what a guy, Guy. He had all those files. Who was paying you, Dave? +Who was paying you, Dave? You think I was a getaway pilot for the assassination, don't you? +You think I was a getaway pilot for the assassination, don't you? I don't know. Were you? Who you scared of, Dave? +I don't know. Were you? Who you scared of, Dave? Everybody! The Agency. The Mob. The Cubans. Yeah, follow the Cubans. Check them out. Here, in Dallas, Miami. Check out a guy named Eladio del Valle. My paymaster when I flew missions into Cuba - he's somewhere in Miami. You're on the right track. +Let me get this straight, now. Clay Shaw is blackmailing you? Fuckin' A. How do you think the Agency gets people to do their bullshit? Fuck knows what they got on Oswald! +Was it the same Oswald, Dave, that was in Dallas, or was it an impersonator. Same one. I didn't know no impersonator. +Did you take a good look at the TV when they had Oswald? Black, black - just give it to me. Shit. I'm so exhausted. My neck is killing me. I've got cancer. Had it for years. I been working with mice, y'know, trying to come up with a cure. +Black, black - just give it to me. Shit. I'm so exhausted. My neck is killing me. I've got cancer. Had it for years. I been working with mice, y'know, trying to come up with a cure. Dave, can I just ask you this directly? Did you ever work for the CIA? +Dave, can I just ask you this directly? Did you ever work for the CIA? You make it sound like some remote fuckin' experience in ancient history. Man, you never leave the Agency. Once they got you, you're in for life. +You make it sound like some remote fuckin' experience in ancient history. Man, you never leave the Agency. Once they got you, you're in for life. And Shaw? +And Shaw? "Shaw's an ""untouchable"", man - highest clearance. Shaw, Oswald, the Cubans - all Agency." +"Shaw's an ""untouchable"", man - highest clearance. Shaw, Oswald, the Cubans - all Agency." What about Ruby? +What about Ruby? Jack? Jack was a pimp. A bagman in Dallas for the Mob. He used to run guns to Castro when he was still on our side. Check out Jack Youngblood. Shit - we almost had Castro. Then we tried to whack him. Everybody's flipping sides all the time. It's fun 'n' games, man fun 'n' games. +Then who killed the President? Oh man, why don't you stop. This is too fuckin' big for you! Who did Kennedy? It's a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma. Even the shooters don't fuckin' know! Don't you get it yet? I can't be talking like this. They're gonna kill me. I'm gonna die! I don't know what happened. All I wanted in the world was to be a Catholic priest - live in a monastery, study ancient Latin manuscripts, pray, serve God. But I had this one terrible, fatal weakness. They defrocked me. And then I started to lose everything. +Shit! Forgot to glue this fuckin' rug today. You know, at one time I even had a full head of hair like everyone else. And then I lost that. That fuckin' Clay Shaw. I hate the bastard. All I got left is in his rotten, bloody hands. He tipped the newspapers - I know it. That's how the Agency works. They use people, chew them up, spit 'em out. Now it's my turn. Dave, it's going to be okay. Just talk to us on the record and we'll protect you. I guarantee it. +They'll get to you, too - they'll destroy you... They're untouchable, man... I'm so fucking exhausted I can't see straight. Get some rest, Dave, and you'll feel better in the morning. We'll talk then. +Get some rest, Dave, and you'll feel better in the morning. We'll talk then. Yeah, yeah. But leave me alone for awhile. I got to make some calls. +Colonel Finck, are you saying someone told you not to dissect the neck? I was told that the family wanted examination of the head. +I was told that the family wanted examination of the head. As a pathologist it was your obligation to explore all possible causes of death, was it not? +As a pathologist it was your obligation to explore all possible causes of death, was it not? I had the cause of death. +I had the cause of death. Your Honor, I would ask you to direct the witness to answer my question. Why did Colonel Finck not dissect the track of the bullet wound in the neck? +Your Honor, I would ask you to direct the witness to answer my question. Why did Colonel Finck not dissect the track of the bullet wound in the neck? Well I heard Dr. Humes stating that - he said... +I don't remember his name. You must understand it was quite crowded, and when you are called in circumstances like that to look at the wound of the President who is dead, you don't look around too much to ask people for their names and who they are. But you were a qualified pathologist. Was this Army general a qualified pathologist? +But you were a qualified pathologist. Was this Army general a qualified pathologist? No. +No. But you took his orders. He was directing the autopsy. +But you took his orders. He was directing the autopsy. No, because there were others. There were admirals. +No, because there were others. There were admirals. There were admirals. +There were admirals. Oh yes, there were admirals - and when you are a lieutenant colonel in the Army you just follow orders, and at the end of the autopsy we were specifically told - as I recall it was Admiral Kenney, the Surgeon General of the Navy - we were specifically told not to discuss the case. +I'm going to have to ask the jury to leave the courtroom. What? +Jesus, Ed, from time immemorial it's been standard booking procedure to ask an alias. You know that. There's no constitutional requirement that says a lawyer has to be present for routine questions. I call'em as I see'em, Jim. I'm ruling it inadmissible. +I call'em as I see'em, Jim. I'm ruling it inadmissible. That's our case! +That's our case! If that's your case, you didn't have a case. I wouldn't believe whatever Habighorst said, anyway. +If that's your case, you didn't have a case. I wouldn't believe whatever Habighorst said, anyway. I can't believe you're saying this in the courtroom. +I can't believe you're saying this in the courtroom. Well, I am saying it. Bring in the jury. +Daddy said it was all right if I was real quiet. Sure it is. Freckle Face, if I ever handled a minor felon like that, it'd be all over the papers. I'd catch hell. And this is the alleged murderer of the President? +Dad, look what I drew. That's something, Jasper. What is it? +That's something, Jasper. What is it? A rhinoceros. Can I stay up another hour? +Daddy! Where have you been? Hi, Freckle Face. +Are we going away, Daddy? Well, it looks like it, Jasper. +Well, it looks like it, Jasper. Because of Kennedy? Are the same people gonna kill us, Daddy? +Because of Kennedy? Are the same people gonna kill us, Daddy? No, Jasper, nobody's gonna kill us. +I'm scared. There's nothing wrong with feeling a little scared, Jasper, Virginia. Telling the truth can be a scary thing. It scared President Kennedy, but he was a brave man. If you let yourself be too scared, then you let the bad guys take over the country, don't you - and then everybody gets scared. +He asked me why I thought I was in danger and I said: Well if they can kill the President, they can certainly get me. +Well if they can kill the President, they can certainly get me. That doesn't make sense, Mrs. Hill. We have the man that killed the President. +That doesn't make sense, Mrs. Hill. We have the man that killed the President. No, you don't! +No, you don't! He kept trying to get me to change my story about the shots. He was getting hot under the collar, and telling the woman not to write when he wanted. +He kept trying to get me to change my story about the shots. He was getting hot under the collar, and telling the woman not to write when he wanted. Look, do you want the truth, or just what you want me to say? +Look, do you want the truth, or just what you want me to say? I want the truth. +I want the truth. The truth is that I heard between four and six shots. I'm not going to lie for you. +The truth is that I heard between four and six shots. I'm not going to lie for you. ...you heard echoes. +...you heard echoes. No. I had guns all my life. I used to go turtle shooting. +No. I had guns all my life. I used to go turtle shooting. I realize you're under a great deal of stress .. it's clouded your judgement. +I realize you're under a great deal of stress .. it's clouded your judgement. So off the record, he starts talking about my family, and even mentioned my marriage was in trouble like I didn't know it or something. He got angrier and angrier and then: +So off the record, he starts talking about my family, and even mentioned my marriage was in trouble like I didn't know it or something. He got angrier and angrier and then: Look, we can put you in a mental institution. We can make you look crazier'n Marguerite Oswald, and everybody knows how crazy she is. +Look, we can put you in a mental institution. We can make you look crazier'n Marguerite Oswald, and everybody knows how crazy she is. I knew something was crooked as a dog's hind leg, 'cause no one who is just taking a deposition gets that involved and angry... sure enough, when I finally read my testimony as published by the Warren Commission, it was a fabrication from start to finish. +These new people never identified themselves. They musta been watching the whole thing 'cause they knew everything Mary and me had been doing that day. I guess I wasn't too hard to find - wearing that red raincoat. How many shots you say you heard? +How many shots you say you heard? Four to six. +Four to six. That's impossible. You heard echoes ...echoes. We have three bullets and three shots which came from the Book Depository and that's all we're willing to say. +That's impossible. You heard echoes ...echoes. We have three bullets and three shots which came from the Book Depository and that's all we're willing to say. ...which is strange 'cause this is less than 20 minutes after the assassination. +...which is strange 'cause this is less than 20 minutes after the assassination. No, I saw a guy shooting from over there. He was behind that fence. What are you going to do about it? +No, I saw a guy shooting from over there. He was behind that fence. What are you going to do about it? We have that taken care of. You only heard three shots and you are not to talk to anyone about this. No one, you hear? +We have that taken care of. You only heard three shots and you are not to talk to anyone about this. No one, you hear? I was scared. It was all kinda queer, but it sure felt like two and two was coming up three... and then they took Mary's five snapshots from me, sent them to Washington, and when they returned them weeks later, two of them had the backgrounds mutilated... The only one we saved was in Mary's camera. I didn't want to go to Washington when the Warren Commission subpoenaed me... so the lawyer come down here and interviewed me at Parkland Hospital. +If we go to him our investigation'll hit the front pages by sunrise. Blow up right in our face. Ruby was just given a new trial. If he has something to say, it'll be there. Susie, what did you find out on Oswald? Negative on his tax records. Classified. First time I know a D.A. can't get a tax record. I put together a list of all the CIA files on Oswald that were part of the Warren Report and asked for them. There are about 1200 documents... Oswald in the USSR, in Mexico City, Oswald and the U2, a CIA 201 personnel file, a memo from the Director on Oswald, travel and activities - can't get one of them. All classified as secret on the grounds of national security. It's real strange. +Finally they shuttle him to a radio factory in Minks where he lives as high on the hog as he ever has - he's given 5,000 rubles, a roomy apartment with a balcony, has affairs with local girls. Makes sense - he's a spokesman. +Makes sense - he's a spokesman. But he never writes, speaks, or does any propaganda for the Russians. He meets Marina, whose uncle is a colonel in Soviet intelligence, at a trade union dance; she thinks he's Russian the way he speaks, six weeks later they marry, have a daughter. +Don't get sidetracked! How does he get back to the States? That's the point. Does he have any problems? None! The State Department issues him a new passport in 48 hours and loans him the money to travel. He's never investigated or charged by the Navy for revealing classified information or, as far as we know, debriefed by the CIA. +None! The State Department issues him a new passport in 48 hours and loans him the money to travel. He's never investigated or charged by the Navy for revealing classified information or, as far as we know, debriefed by the CIA. This is a man whose secrets cause us to change our radar patterns in the Pacific! He should've been prosecuted as a traitor! +This is a man whose secrets cause us to change our radar patterns in the Pacific! He should've been prosecuted as a traitor! The FBI finally gets around to talking to him in Dallas and runs a file on him as a miscreant Communist type. +The FBI finally gets around to talking to him in Dallas and runs a file on him as a miscreant Communist type. But who meets him when he gets off the boat in New York in June '62? +Spas T. Raikin, a leading member of an anti-Communist group. And Marina? Does she have a problem getting out? +And Marina? Does she have a problem getting out? None either. It's bizarre. It's next to impossible to get Russian sweethearts out. Nor does Lee have any problem getting a new passport when he wants to go to Cuba and Russia in '63. A man who has defected once already. It's crazy. +None either. It's bizarre. It's next to impossible to get Russian sweethearts out. Nor does Lee have any problem getting a new passport when he wants to go to Cuba and Russia in '63. A man who has defected once already. It's crazy. Dammit, it doesn't add up! Ordinary people get blacklisted for leftist affiliations! The State Department did everything short of dispatching a destroyer to Minks to insure Oswald's return. Only intelligence people can come and go like that. +The next thing we know he's living in Dallas/Ft. Worth in October '62 working 6 months at Jaggars-Chiles- Stovall, a photographic firm that contracts to make maps for the U.S. Army... He starts work only days before the government reveals Russian missiles in Cuba and the crisis explodes. Oswald may have had access to missile site footage obtained by the U2 planes and works alongside a young man who'd been in the Army Security Agency. Sort of like Benedict Arnold coming back to George Washington's cabinet. +Sort of like Benedict Arnold coming back to George Washington's cabinet. Equally incongruous is Oswald becoming chummy with the White Russian community of Dallas - all rabid anti- Communists. +The Oswalds are introduced by George de Mohrenschildt to Janet and Bill Williams. It's through Janet Williams in October '63 that Lee gets the warehouse job, right smack on Elm Street at the Book Depository, which is owned by another oilman with ties to defense and military intelligence. Presumably so he can now exercise his intellect stacking school texts at $1.25 an hour. +All I can find out about the Williams' is their tax returns are classified and that Bill Williams, a descendant of the Cabots of Massachusetts, has links through his family and United Fruit to the CIA and does classified work for Bell Helicopter which requires a security clearance - so what is Oswald, a defector, doing visiting his wife in his house? Williams has a relationship at Bell with General Walter Dornberger, another one of the Nazis we brought in after the War for our missile program. He used slave labor to build the V-2 Rockets for Hitler before Bell needed him. "I wonder about the Williams'. Just where did the first description of Oswald come from at 12:44? No one knows. They claimed it was Brennan's, but his description came after 1 P.M. Who called? Somehow the FBI's been tapping the Williams' and picks up a call between Bell Helicopter and Janet's phone, an unidentified voice saying ""We both know who's responsible."" Who called? Why's the Bureau been tapping them?" +"...now it gets positively spooky. In January, 1961 - in New Orleans, at the Bolton Ford Dealership - when the Oswald we know is in Russia - there is a man using the name ""Oswald"" to buy trucks for the Friends of Democratic Cuba. The salesman never saw him again, but guess who's on the articles of incorporation of the Friends of Democratic Cuba? Guy Banister. Banister has someone using the name ""Oswald"" to buy the trucks. Hoover, at the FBI, writes a memo dated June, 1960, that there could be someone using Oswald's passport and identity." "Goddamn! They put Oswald together from Day One! Like some dummy corporation in the Bahamas - you just move him around a board. Sent him to Russia, in and out, no passport problems. You got the word ""microdots"" in his notebook, you got the Minox camera and the electronic devices they find in his possessions, the sealed DIZ201 personnel file. For all we know, there could be a dozen Oswalds in different cities, countries - all of them leaving a trail of incriminating evidence that could easily be traced to a scapegoat after the assassination. Does the real Oswald know he's been put together? Who knows. It doesn't matter, does it? He's a low level spy, he doesn't know who he really works for..." +I don't believe it! Bugging the District Attorney's office of New Orleans! It's outrageous! +I think Clinton is a breakthrough. Shaw denies he knows Ferrie or Oswald. Is that right? It proves he's a liar. Keep on it, Bill. This is interesting - are you ready for this? Oswald went to see the FBI two weeks before the assassination. It seems Special Agent Hosty made three routine visits to his house, supposedly to keep an eye on Marina Oswald. +Aren't you being a little hard? No, I don't think I am, Susie. Anyone else? +I'm sorry. I know. +I'm not sure I understand. Well... in an investigation we're conducting your name has come up a number of times. +Well... in an investigation we're conducting your name has come up a number of times. I wouldn't imagine where. +I wouldn't imagine where. We recently talked to a number of men who claim to know you. Are you acquainted with a David Logan? +We recently talked to a number of men who claim to know you. Are you acquainted with a David Logan? No. Never heard of him. +No. Never heard of him. A Perry Russo? +A Perry Russo? No. +No. A Willie O'Keefe? +A Willie O'Keefe? No, I don't believe I know anyone by that name. +No, I don't believe I know anyone by that name. Mr. O'Keefe told us he met you at the Masquerade Bar down in the Quarter and several evenings later you had him over for dinner at your apartment on Dauphine Street. Do you recall that? +Perhaps a few more details about the evening will refresh your memory. Mr. O'Keefe told us dinner was served by a uniformed waiter - a colored man. He particularly remembers that you sat at one end and he at the other - which he found rather unusual because the table was so long. Does that bring back memories of Willie O'Keefe? Not at all. But on the other hand, I do have a lovely Chippendale dining table and I often have a friend over sitting at one end while I sit at the other. That is precisely the point of a long dining table. The splendor of the meal adds to the enjoyment of it. +Not at all. But on the other hand, I do have a lovely Chippendale dining table and I often have a friend over sitting at one end while I sit at the other. That is precisely the point of a long dining table. The splendor of the meal adds to the enjoyment of it. I would imagine a uniformed waiter helps. +I would imagine a uniformed waiter helps. "It adds a taste of elegance for which I must confess a weakness for now and then. I call him Smedley. His real name is Frankie Jenkins - but I could hardly imagine anything more uncouth during dinner than my turning toward the kitchen and hollering ""Frankie!"" .. Where is this leading to, Mr. Garrison?" +After dinner you paid him to have sex with you. Pffft! Absolute nonsense. The Quarter is filled with vivid imaginations, my dear Mr. Garrison - grimy young hoodlums who'll say and do anything. As you well know. +Pffft! Absolute nonsense. The Quarter is filled with vivid imaginations, my dear Mr. Garrison - grimy young hoodlums who'll say and do anything. As you well know. ...in the course of that night, Mr. O'Keefe said a man named David Ferrie stopped by the house... along with another young man... +Who? David Ferrie. +David Ferrie. No. I have never known anyone by that name. Of course never having met Mr. O'Keefe I could hardly have met Mr. Ferrie... +No. I have never known anyone by that name. Of course never having met Mr. O'Keefe I could hardly have met Mr. Ferrie... ...and that the four of you partied early into the morning hours... +Let me show you his picture. No. I'm sure I've never met anyone of such a bizarre appearance. +No. I'm sure I've never met anyone of such a bizarre appearance. Does the name Clay Bertrand mean anything to you? +Does the name Clay Bertrand mean anything to you? Clay Bertrand? Clay Bertrand? I believe there was a man with a name similar to that who worked at the Chamber of Commerce. Is that the man you had in mind? +Clay Bertrand? Clay Bertrand? I believe there was a man with a name similar to that who worked at the Chamber of Commerce. Is that the man you had in mind? No, it was not. Do you know an attorney by the name of Dean Andrews? +No, it was not. Do you know an attorney by the name of Dean Andrews? One meets so many attorneys in my business. No, I don't believe I know Dean Andrews. +Mr. Shaw, can you identify this man? Naturally. Are you claiming, Mr. Garrison, that Mr. Oswald also had dinner with me? +Naturally. Are you claiming, Mr. Garrison, that Mr. Oswald also had dinner with me? Mr. Shaw, did you ever meet Lee Harvey Oswald? +Mr. Shaw, did you ever meet Lee Harvey Oswald? You really have me consorting with a cast of sordid characters, don't you, Mr. Garrison. +You really have me consorting with a cast of sordid characters, don't you, Mr. Garrison. Please answer the question. +Please answer the question. Of course not! Such a pity, that assassination. In fact, I admired President Kennedy. A man with true panache, and a wife with impeccable taste. +Mr. Shaw, this is an Italian newspaper article saying you were a member of the Board of Centro Mondo Commerciale in Italy, that this company was a creature of the CIA for the transfer of funds in Italy for illegal political-espionage activities. It says that this company was expelled from Italy for those activities. I'm well aware of this asinine article. And I am thinking very seriously of suing this rag of a newspaper. +I'm well aware of this asinine article. And I am thinking very seriously of suing this rag of a newspaper. It says that this company has heavily Fascist ties to the French secret army organization that tried to assassinate de Gaulle in 1960. +It says that this company has heavily Fascist ties to the French secret army organization that tried to assassinate de Gaulle in 1960. Nonsense. What next? +Nonsense. What next? ...and that this company is linked to the Schlumber tool company here in Houma, Louisiana - which is where their arms may have come from to David Ferrie and his Cubans... +...and that this company is linked to the Schlumber tool company here in Houma, Louisiana - which is where their arms may have come from to David Ferrie and his Cubans... Mr. Garrison, you're reaching. I am an international businessman. The Trade Mart which I founded is America's commercial pipeline to Latin America. I trade everywhere. I am accused, as are all businessmen, of all things. I somehow go about my business, make money, help society the best I can and try to promote free trade in this world. +Mr. Garrison, you're reaching. I am an international businessman. The Trade Mart which I founded is America's commercial pipeline to Latin America. I trade everywhere. I am accused, as are all businessmen, of all things. I somehow go about my business, make money, help society the best I can and try to promote free trade in this world. Mr. Shaw, have you ever been a contract agent with the Central Intelligence Agency? +And if I was, Mr. Garrison... do you think I would be here today... talking to somebody like you? No, people like you don't have to, I guess - people like you walk between the raindrops. +No, people like you don't have to, I guess - people like you walk between the raindrops. May I go? Regardless of what you may think of me, Mr. Garrison, I am a patriot first and foremost. +May I go? Regardless of what you may think of me, Mr. Garrison, I am a patriot first and foremost. I've spent half my life in the United States military serving and defending this great country, Mr. Shaw, and you're the first person I ever met who considered it an act of patriotism to kill his own president. +I've spent half my life in the United States military serving and defending this great country, Mr. Shaw, and you're the first person I ever met who considered it an act of patriotism to kill his own president. Now just a minute, sir! You're way out of line! +In the sheriff's report, Mrs. Mercer, it says you were at Dealey Plaza two hours before the assassination but that... Yes, it was about 11 in the morning. I was driving west on Elm Street toward the Triple Underpass, in a rented car - a blue Valiant. I'll never forget that day. +You mean you identified him on Saturday, the day before Ruby shot Oswald? "That's right. When I saw him on TV, I was shocked. I said to my family, ""that was the man I saw in the truck.""" +"That's right. When I saw him on TV, I was shocked. I said to my family, ""that was the man I saw in the truck.""" But you didn't seem nearly so sure in your statement to the Warren Commission. +But you didn't seem nearly so sure in your statement to the Warren Commission. That's what bothers me, Mr. Garrison. You see, they've been altered. My statements... +"This says ""Mercer could not identify any of the photographs as being identical with the person she had observed slouched over the wheel of a green Ford pickup truck."" That's not true. I recognized him and I told them so... They also said it was a dark green air conditioning truck, which it was not. And here... ...on the Dallas Sheriff's report. This is really strange. See that notarized signature on the bottom of each page? That's not my signature. And there never was any notary present during any of my questioning. I guess that's all..." Mrs. Mercer, as a former FBI man, it's difficult to accept this. +Mrs. Mercer, as a former FBI man, it's difficult to accept this. I know, but Mr. Garrison, the FBI is just not doing their job. +Jim, dinner's just about ready... I've got a surprise for you... tried something new... Jim? Jim, dinner. Mmmmm... sure smells good... but Egghead, do you realize Oswald was interrogated for twelve hours after the assassination, with no lawyer present, and nobody recorded a word of it? I can't believe it. A police captain with 30 years experience and a crowd of Federal agents just had to know that with no record anything that Oswald said would be inadmissible in court. +Mmmmm... sure smells good... but Egghead, do you realize Oswald was interrogated for twelve hours after the assassination, with no lawyer present, and nobody recorded a word of it? I can't believe it. A police captain with 30 years experience and a crowd of Federal agents just had to know that with no record anything that Oswald said would be inadmissible in court. Come on now, we'll talk about it at the table, dinner's getting cold. What are you doing in here? +I can't believe a man as intelligent as Earl Warren ever read what's in those volumes. Well maybe you're right, Jim. I'll give you one hour to solve the case... until the kids are in bed. Then you're mine and Mr. Kennedy can wait 'til morning. Come on, everybody say goodnight to Daddy. +One hour, y'hear? Some Saturday night date you are. Mama warned me this would happen if I married such a serious man. Oh, she did, huh? When I come up I'll show you how Saturday night got invented. +Honey, you all right? It's incredible, honey - the whole thing. A Lieutenant Colonel testifies that Lee Oswald was given a Russian language exam as part of his Marine training only a few months before he defects to the Soviet Union. A Russian exam! +It's incredible, honey - the whole thing. A Lieutenant Colonel testifies that Lee Oswald was given a Russian language exam as part of his Marine training only a few months before he defects to the Soviet Union. A Russian exam! I cannot believe this. It's four- thirty, Jim Garrison. I have five children are gonna be awake in another hour and ... +I cannot believe this. It's four- thirty, Jim Garrison. I have five children are gonna be awake in another hour and ... Honey, in all my years in the service I never knew a single man who was given a Russian test. Oswald was a radar operator. He'd have about as much use for Russian as a cat has for pajamas. +Honey, in all my years in the service I never knew a single man who was given a Russian test. Oswald was a radar operator. He'd have about as much use for Russian as a cat has for pajamas. These books are getting to your mind, Mr. Garrison. I wish you'd stop readin' them. +These books are getting to your mind, Mr. Garrison. I wish you'd stop readin' them. "And then this Colonel tries to make it sound like nothing. Oswald did badly on the test, he says. ""He only had two more Russian words right than wrong."" Ha! That's like me saying Touchdown here... ...is not very intelligent because I beat him three games out of five the last time we played chess." +"And then this Colonel tries to make it sound like nothing. Oswald did badly on the test, he says. ""He only had two more Russian words right than wrong."" Ha! That's like me saying Touchdown here... ...is not very intelligent because I beat him three games out of five the last time we played chess." Jim, what is going on, for heaven's sake! You going to stay up all night every night? For what? So you'll be the only man in America who read the entire 26 volumes of the Warren Report? +Jim, what is going on, for heaven's sake! You going to stay up all night every night? For what? So you'll be the only man in America who read the entire 26 volumes of the Warren Report? Liz, do I have to spell it out for you? Lee Oswald was no ordinary soldier. That was no accident he was in Russia. He was probably in military intelligence. That's why he was trained in Russian. +Liz, do I have to spell it out for you? Lee Oswald was no ordinary soldier. That was no accident he was in Russia. He was probably in military intelligence. That's why he was trained in Russian. Honey, go back to sleep, please! +Honey, go back to sleep, please! Goddammit! I been sleeping for three years! +Do you have any evidence against him, Jim? Clay Shaw's done so much for the city with all that restoration in the Quarter. He's well connected, all his friends, the money, people, be careful, Jim. It'll be off the record, honey. I'll bring him in on a Sunday. A quiet little chat between gentlemen. +Jim, come on, honey, get down on your hands and knees and hunt for Jasper's Easter egg. You know I don't like these tribal rituals, Freckle Face. I'm interviewing Clay Shaw this morning. +No. I told you I was going to talk to Shaw. But why in the Lord's name would you do it in the middle of Easter Sunday when you knew we were... +But why in the Lord's name would you do it in the middle of Easter Sunday when you knew we were... Because when I scheduled it I didn't realize it was a holiday. You were there, why didn't you say something? +Because when I scheduled it I didn't realize it was a holiday. You were there, why didn't you say something? Look at the calendar, for Christ's sake. You said a Sunday, not Easter Sunday. +Look at the calendar, for Christ's sake. You said a Sunday, not Easter Sunday. I'm sorry, but it's important. Clay Shaw is important. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry, but it's important. Clay Shaw is important. I'm sorry. You're missing most of your life, Jim, and you don't even know it. The kids are missing out too. It's not just you making the sacrifice here, honey. +You're missing most of your life, Jim, and you don't even know it. The kids are missing out too. It's not just you making the sacrifice here, honey. Look, I'll rush and be there by two, I promise. Go ahead without me. +Hi. Tough day. +Tough day. My sympathies. +My sympathies. Liz, I'm really sorry. The meeting went much longer than expected. +Liz, I'm really sorry. The meeting went much longer than expected. We waited for you... hours, Jim. You could have telephoned, for God's sake. It's Easter! You promised, Jim. +We waited for you... hours, Jim. You could have telephoned, for God's sake. It's Easter! You promised, Jim. I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. I just don't have rabbits on my mind. +I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. I just don't have rabbits on my mind. "I think you care more about John Kennedy than your family! All day long the kids are asking, ""Where's Daddy?"" What am I supposed to tell your kids, Jim!" +"I think you care more about John Kennedy than your family! All day long the kids are asking, ""Where's Daddy?"" What am I supposed to tell your kids, Jim!" I don't know what to tell them. How 'bout the truth - I'm doing my job to make sure they can grow up in a country where justice won't be an arcane, vanished idea they read about in history books, like the dinosaurs or the lost continent of Atlantis. +I don't know what to tell them. How 'bout the truth - I'm doing my job to make sure they can grow up in a country where justice won't be an arcane, vanished idea they read about in history books, like the dinosaurs or the lost continent of Atlantis. That sounds dandy, but it doesn't replace a father and a husband on Easter Day. +That sounds dandy, but it doesn't replace a father and a husband on Easter Day. It's going to get worse, honey. +Did they live? It's not funny, Jim, I'm scared. +It's not funny, Jim, I'm scared. Don't be. Nothing to be scared about, honey, I been through four years of war - this is nothing. +Nothing is going to happen to you. I won't let it. Leave us ALONE for God's sake! ...Oh, it's Lou. +Did you enter Virginia into a beauty contest? What? +What? A man just called. He asked her everything! +Honey, some crackpot. Martin Luther King was killed in Memphis today! Your daughter's life was just threatened! +Your daughter's life was just threatened! Just a crank making phone calls. Happens a dozen times a day at the office. +Just a crank making phone calls. Happens a dozen times a day at the office. Our home, Jim! A kidnapper, a murderer, who knows! +Our home, Jim! A kidnapper, a murderer, who knows! Only cowards make crank calls, sweetheart, nothing is going to happen. +Only cowards make crank calls, sweetheart, nothing is going to happen. How do you know? How do you even know what goes on in this house anymore! You're too busy making speeches, stirring up every crazed Klansman in Louisiana after us! +How do you know? How do you even know what goes on in this house anymore! You're too busy making speeches, stirring up every crazed Klansman in Louisiana after us! Get a hold of yourself. +Get a hold of yourself. I'm leaving. I'm taking the kids and I'm leaving! I won't stand it anymore. +Honey, come on. The government wants you to be scared. They want everybody to be scared to speak out. They count on it. But there's nothing to be scared of. You and your government! What's the matter with you? Don't you have any feelings? Your daughter! What kind of man are you? +I'll take them up to my mother's if it'll make you feel better. Spend a week. I'll change the locks, the phone lines, I'll even get a bodyguard, all right? Elizabeth, get a hold of yourself. Jim, before this Kennedy thing, nothing mattered to you in this life more than your children. The other night Jasper tried to show you a drawing. You didn't even notice he was there. He came to me bawling his little eyes out. Jim, he's sensitive - he needs more from you. +Jim, before this Kennedy thing, nothing mattered to you in this life more than your children. The other night Jasper tried to show you a drawing. You didn't even notice he was there. He came to me bawling his little eyes out. Jim, he's sensitive - he needs more from you. I promise I'll make more time for Jasper. +I promise I'll make more time for Jasper. Is it such a chore? I don't understand you. +Is it such a chore? I don't understand you. Damn it, if I say I'll spend more time with him, I'll spend more time with him. I can't fight you and the world too, Liz. +Damn it, if I say I'll spend more time with him, I'll spend more time with him. I can't fight you and the world too, Liz. I'm not fighting you, Jim, I'm just trying to reach you. You've changed. +I'm not fighting you, Jim, I'm just trying to reach you. You've changed. Of course, I've changed! My eyes have opened, and once they're open, believe me, what used to look normal seems insane! And now King. Don't you think this has something to do with that? Can't you see? +Of course, I've changed! My eyes have opened, and once they're open, believe me, what used to look normal seems insane! And now King. Don't you think this has something to do with that? Can't you see? "I don't want to see, goddammit! I'm tired. I've had enough! They say you don't have anything anyway! Everybody in town's talking. You're ruining this man Shaw's life! You're attacking him because he's homosexual! Going ahead with this stupid ""trial""! Did you ever once stop and consider what he's going through?" +"I don't want to see, goddammit! I'm tired. I've had enough! They say you don't have anything anyway! Everybody in town's talking. You're ruining this man Shaw's life! You're attacking him because he's homosexual! Going ahead with this stupid ""trial""! Did you ever once stop and consider what he's going through?" That's not why I'm attacking him! You don't believe me - all this time you never believed me. +That's not why I'm attacking him! You don't believe me - all this time you never believed me. Oh, I don't know anymore! I believe there was a conspiracy, but not the government. I just want to raise our children and live a normal life! I want my life back! +"Well so do I, goddammit! So do I! I had a life too, y'know - I had a life, too. But you just can't bury your head in the sand like some ostrich, goddammit, Elizabeth! It's not just about you - and your well- being and your two cars and your kitchen and your TV and ""I'm jes fine honey."" While our kids grow up into a shithole of lies! Well, I'm not ""fine"" about that, I'm angry. My life is fucked, Liz! And yours is, too! And if you don't want to support me I can understand that but don't you go start making threats of taking the children away." You never talked to me this way before, Jim Garrison. I'm not making any threats. I'm leaving you. I'm taking the kids to my mother's. I am - I am. +And if you're wrong? I never doubted for a second that I was. Will you come to the trial, Elizabeth? +I never doubted for a second that I was. Will you come to the trial, Elizabeth? I don't think so, Jim... +They killed him, honey. Huh? +Huh? He won... and they killed Robert Kennedy. They shot him down. +He won... and they killed Robert Kennedy. They shot him down. Oh no! No! I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Both of them, both brothers, oh my God! +I want to thank you, Mr. O'Keefe, for this time. Call me Willie. I ain't got nuthin' but time, Mr. Garrison. Minutes, hours, days, years of'em. Time just stands still here like a snake sunnin' itself in the road... +For sexual purposes? Well... yeah. +Anything else unusual about him you'd be able to describe in a court of law, Willie? I remember he had some kinda thing wrong with his left leg. He limped. Don't get me wrong, he's not one of those, you know, limp wrists. He's a butch John. You'd meet him on the street, you'd never snap. You could go fishing with him, play poker with him, you'd never snap in a million years. So one night we were over at Ferrie's place. Having a party. Sometime in the late summer of '63. +Willie, are you willing to repeat your statements under sodium pentothal? Under the supervision of a doctor? Fuck, yeah! I told you so. And you can tell'em all I told you so. +Fuck, yeah! I told you so. And you can tell'em all I told you so. You realize the things you're saying, Willie, are going to be attacked by a lot of different people. +You realize the things you're saying, Willie, are going to be attacked by a lot of different people. Bring on all the motherfuckers! Bring their college degrees in here! I got nuthin' to hide. They can't buy me. You can't buy me. I don't even need the parole. This is about the truth coming out. You're a goddamn liberal, Mr. Garrison, you don't know shit, cause you never been fucked in the ass. Fascism is here now, Facism is... +Bring on all the motherfuckers! Bring their college degrees in here! I got nuthin' to hide. They can't buy me. You can't buy me. I don't even need the parole. This is about the truth coming out. You're a goddamn liberal, Mr. Garrison, you don't know shit, cause you never been fucked in the ass. Fascism is here now, Facism is... No one's trying to buy you, Willie. It's important to know why you're telling us this. +No one's trying to buy you, Willie. It's important to know why you're telling us this. You wanna know why? 'Cause that mother fucker Kennedy stole that fuckin' election, that's why! Nixon was gonna be one of the great Presidents 'til Kennedy wrecked this fuckin' country. Got niggers all over the fuckin' place asking for their rights, where do you think we got all this fuckin' crime now, 'cause Kennedy promised 'em too damned much. Revolution comin'. Fascism's coming back. I tell ya this - the day that Communist sumbitch died was a great day for this country. I jes' hate to think they're blaming it on some silly fuckin' Oswald who didn't know shit anyway. People should know why that sumbitch was killed. 'Cause he was a Communist. Put me on the stand, go ahead, I'll tell the same goddamn story, I'm proud of it, don't matter fuck all to me, things don't change. +What's wrong, Lou? Boss, the President's been shot. In Dallas. Five minutes ago. +Oh no!... How bad? No word yet. But they think it's in the head. +One little guy with a cheap rifle - look what he can do. Let's get outta here, Lou. I saw too much stuff like this in the war. +I know David - a strange character. He's been in trouble before. Used to be a hot shot pilot for Eastern Airlines, but he got canned after an alleged homosexual incident with a 14-year old boy. +Remember whose office this was back in '63? 531 Lafayette Street. Yeah, Guy Banister. Ex-FBI man. He died couple years ago. +I'd say he was probably getting intelligence training. Lou, you were in the Marines. Who would be running that training? +Lou, you were in the Marines. Who would be running that training? The Office of Naval Intelligence. +The Office of Naval Intelligence. Take a look across the street. +Post Office. Upstairs. In 1963 that was the Office of Naval Intelligence - And just by coincidence, Banister, before he was FBI, was ONI. What do they say? +Upstairs. In 1963 that was the Office of Naval Intelligence - And just by coincidence, Banister, before he was FBI, was ONI. What do they say? """Once ONI, always ONI""?" +Bill, Lou, we're standing in the heart of the United States Government's intelligence community in New Orleans. That's the FBI there, the CIA, Secret Service, ONI. Doesn't this seem to you a rather strange place for a Communist to spend his spare time? What are you driving at, boss? +What are you driving at, boss? We're going back into the case, Lou - the murder of the President. I want you to take some money from the Fees and Fines Account and go to Dallas - talk to some people. Bill, I want you to get Oser on the medical, the autopsy, Susan on Oswald and Ruby histories, tax records... +They took 'em to the Sheriff's office, not the police station, and they let 'em go. No record of them ever being questioned. I can't say that comes as a surprise anymore. +I can't say that comes as a surprise anymore. A photographer from The Dallas Times Herald got some great shots of them never published... +...take a good look, chief, do any of 'em look like the hoboes you remember? Hoboes I knew of old used to sleep in their clothes - these two look pretty young. +Hoboes I knew of old used to sleep in their clothes - these two look pretty young. ...not a single frayed collar or cuff, new haircuts, fresh shaves, clean hands - new shoe leather. Look at the ear of the cop... That's a wire. What's a cop wearing a headset for? I think they're actors, chief; they're not cops. +Graveyard dead. August this year. A single car accident on an empty road in Midlothian, Texas. The doctor said he was in some kind of strange shock when he died. We need to find more witnesses, Lou. +We need to find more witnesses, Lou. There was Rose Cheramie. A whore. Two Cubans threw her out of a car on the way to Dallas. +Can we find her? Graveyard dead near Big Sandy, Texas in '65. Two in the morning on some highway. A hit and run. +I never could figure out why this guy orders a traceable weapon to that post office box when you can go into any store in Texas, give a phony name and walk out with a cheap rifle which can never be traced. Unless he or someone else wants him to get caught. Maybe he never ordered the weapon, Lou. Somebody else did. It was picked up at the post office early morning when Oswald's time sheet shows him clocked in at his job. Lou, come alive. These things are not adding up. +Mobbed up all the way. Tight with the Dallas cops. I'm digging, chief. I just need 10 more men and some more dollars. I know you do, Lou. I'm doing three more lectures this month. You're all doing an incredible job, Sue, Al, Numa. But this is one where if you don't nail the other guy, you're dead. How did Jack Ruby dies so quick? Of what? Cancer, right? A history of Nazi Germany, Lou. They were studying viral cancers as a weapon in the 30's. We learned a lot more than you think from the Nazis. Read this. Our biological warfare lab is in Fort Detrick, Maryland. Close to where the National Cancer Institute is located. Think about it. Think the unthinkable - question everything. +Goddamn Sam! "And it ain't pretty ...""the AD has spent more than $8,000 on unexplained travel and investigative expenses since November, 1966." +You don't get it, guys - he can't go down any further. We got to protect him full time. I have a plane to catch... going to Washington. An interesting lead, says he's closely connected to these events, but he won't come down here... I know what you're going through with Ferrie, Lou. We'll talk tomorrow. +I have a plane to catch... going to Washington. An interesting lead, says he's closely connected to these events, but he won't come down here... I know what you're going through with Ferrie, Lou. We'll talk tomorrow. I'm onto Ferrie's Cuban paymaster, Eladio del Valle, in Miami. I gotta get him in, boss. I need more men - I can't even pull the teams to watch Ferrie... This is our case! +I took it once for a low thyroid condition... It raises the metabolism, Lou. Did David Ferrie strike you as the kind of person who had a low metabolism? I'd say the opposite - hypertension. +Time? Between six and seven seconds. +Between six and seven seconds. The key is the second and third shots came right on top of each other, and it takes a minimum 2.3 seconds to recycle this thing. The other problem is there was a tree right there... Blocking the first two shots at the time they occur in the Zapruder film. +The key is the second and third shots came right on top of each other, and it takes a minimum 2.3 seconds to recycle this thing. The other problem is there was a tree right there... Blocking the first two shots at the time they occur in the Zapruder film. Didn't Hoover say something about that? The leaves had fallen off in November? +Didn't Hoover say something about that? The leaves had fallen off in November? It was a Texas Live Oak, boss. It sheds it's leaves the first week of March. You try to hit a moving target at 88 yards through heavy foliage with this cheap 13-dollar sucker, the world's worst shoulder weapon. No way. The FBI tried two sets of tests and not one of their sharpshooters could match Oswald's performance. Not one. And Oswald was at best a medium shot. The scope was defective on it, too. I mean this is the whole essence of the case to me. The guy couldn't do the shooting. Nobody could. And they sold this lemon to the American public. +It was a Texas Live Oak, boss. It sheds it's leaves the first week of March. You try to hit a moving target at 88 yards through heavy foliage with this cheap 13-dollar sucker, the world's worst shoulder weapon. No way. The FBI tried two sets of tests and not one of their sharpshooters could match Oswald's performance. Not one. And Oswald was at best a medium shot. The scope was defective on it, too. I mean this is the whole essence of the case to me. The guy couldn't do the shooting. Nobody could. And they sold this lemon to the American public. The Zapruder film is the proof they didn't count on, Lou. We gotta get our hands on it. +The Zapruder film is the proof they didn't count on, Lou. We gotta get our hands on it. That means we gotta subpoena Time- Life on it. +That means we gotta subpoena Time- Life on it. Why not just shoot Kennedy coming up Houston? There's plenty of time - he's out in the open - a frontal shot? +When Kennedy gets to the kill zone, it's a turkey shoot. How many men? +How many men? "One shooter. One spotter on a radio. Maybe three teams. I'd say these were professional riflemen, chief, serious people. Hunters... patient. It takes skill to kill with a rifle, that's why there's been no execution of an executive with one in 200 years... ""3-2-1... green!"" Or else ""Abort! Abort!""" +Who do you think changed the parade route? "Beats me. City officials. Secret Service. Dallas police. They did a dry run with Chief Curry a few days before. But they didn't bother running through Dealey. They stopped right there, said something like, ""and afterwards there's only the freeway,"" and went home." +"Beats me. City officials. Secret Service. Dallas police. They did a dry run with Chief Curry a few days before. But they didn't bother running through Dealey. They stopped right there, said something like, ""and afterwards there's only the freeway,"" and went home." You know who the mayor was? +You know who the mayor was? No. +No. Earle Cabell. And guess who his brother is? +Earle Cabell. And guess who his brother is? Who? +Who? "General Charles Cabell. Deputy Director of the CIA. Fired by Kennedy in '61 because of the Bay of Pigs fiasco, he moved back to the Pentagon, called Kennedy a ""traitor"". When he came to New Orleans to address the Foreign Policy Association, you know who introduced him? Our friend Clay Shaw." +"General Charles Cabell. Deputy Director of the CIA. Fired by Kennedy in '61 because of the Bay of Pigs fiasco, he moved back to the Pentagon, called Kennedy a ""traitor"". When he came to New Orleans to address the Foreign Policy Association, you know who introduced him? Our friend Clay Shaw." The Warren Commission call him? +The Warren Commission call him? His boss was the one on the Warren Commission who handled all the leads to the intelligence community. +His boss was the one on the Warren Commission who handled all the leads to the intelligence community. Allen Dulles? +Allen Dulles? Head of the CIA since '53. Kennedy fired them both. Cabell was his deputy for nine years. Talk about the fox investigating the chicken coop. Now we'll have to subpoena them, Lou. +Head of the CIA since '53. Kennedy fired them both. Cabell was his deputy for nine years. Talk about the fox investigating the chicken coop. Now we'll have to subpoena them, Lou. They're gonna love you, chief. +Maybe we should just call it a day, Lou. Go home. While we're still a little behind. We got two people killed, maybe more we never thought about. You never got anyone killed, boss. Their actions killed them years before. If we stopped now, it'd be even more wrong. +Chief, I've had my doubts about Bill for a long time. He's fighting everything. We need him back. +I just plain don't trust him anymore. Maybe you didn't hear what I said. I will not tolerate this infighting among the staff, I warn you that... +Maybe you didn't hear what I said. I will not tolerate this infighting among the staff, I warn you that... Boss, then I'm afraid I can't continue working with Bill. +Are you giving me an ultimatum, Lou? Well, if that's what you want to call it. I didn't ever think it would come to this. I guess I am, boss. +Well, if that's what you want to call it. I didn't ever think it would come to this. I guess I am, boss. I will not have any damned ultimatums put to me, Lou. I'll accept your resignation. +I will not have any damned ultimatums put to me, Lou. I'll accept your resignation. You sure got it. You're one stubborn and stupid sonofabitch D.A. and you're making one hell of a mistake! +"Sad thing is the way it's screwing up this country, all these hippies running around on drugs, the way young people look you can't tell a boy from a girl anymore. I saw a girl the other day, she was pregnant - you could see her whole belly, and you know what she painted on it? ""Love Child."" It's fuckin' outa control. Values've gone to hell, Jim... Course it figures when you got somebody like that polecat Johnson in the White House." I sometimes feel things've gone downhill since John Kennedy was killed, Senator. +I sometimes feel things've gone downhill since John Kennedy was killed, Senator. Don't get me started on that. Those Warren Commission fellows were pickin' gnat shit out of pepper. No one's gonna tell me that kid did the shooting job he did from that damned bookstore. +I thought the FBI test-fired the rifle to make sure it could be done? "Sure, three experts and not one of them could do it! They're telling us Oswald got off three shots with world-class precision from a manual bolt action rifle in less than six seconds - and accordin' to his Marine buddies he got Maggie's drawers - he wasn't any good. Average man would be lucky to get two shots off, and I tell ya the first shot would always be the best. Here, the third shot's perfect. Don't make sense. And then they got that crazy bullet zigzagging all over the place so it hits Kennedy and Connally seven times. One ""pristine"" bullet? That dog don't hunt." +"Sure, three experts and not one of them could do it! They're telling us Oswald got off three shots with world-class precision from a manual bolt action rifle in less than six seconds - and accordin' to his Marine buddies he got Maggie's drawers - he wasn't any good. Average man would be lucky to get two shots off, and I tell ya the first shot would always be the best. Here, the third shot's perfect. Don't make sense. And then they got that crazy bullet zigzagging all over the place so it hits Kennedy and Connally seven times. One ""pristine"" bullet? That dog don't hunt." You know, something always bothered me about that from day one, and I can't put my finger on it. +You know, something always bothered me about that from day one, and I can't put my finger on it. "If I were investigatin', I'd round up the 100 best riflemen in the world and find out which ones were in Dallas that day. You been duck hunting? I think Oswald was a good old-fashioned decoy. What'd he say? ""I'm just a patsy."" Out of the mouth of babes y'ask me." +"If I were investigatin', I'd round up the 100 best riflemen in the world and find out which ones were in Dallas that day. You been duck hunting? I think Oswald was a good old-fashioned decoy. What'd he say? ""I'm just a patsy."" Out of the mouth of babes y'ask me." You think there were other men involved, Russell? +Hell, you're the District Attorney. You read the Warren Report - and then you tell me you're satisfied Lee Oswald shot the President all by his lonesome. Russell, honestly you sound like one of those kooky critics spreading paranoia like prairie fire. I just can't believe the Chief Justice of the United States would put his name on something that wasn't true. +Russell, honestly you sound like one of those kooky critics spreading paranoia like prairie fire. I just can't believe the Chief Justice of the United States would put his name on something that wasn't true. Honey, another one of these. This one's as weak as cricket pee-pee. Yessir, you mark my words, Jim, Vietnam's gonna cost Johnson '68 and it's gonna put that other varmint Nixon in - then watch your hide, 'cause there ain't no offramps on a freeway to Hell! +Welcome, District Attorney Garrison. May I call you Jim? I've been called everything under the sun, Jerry. Call me whatever you like. +There have been a number of reports in reputable news media - Time, Newsweek, our own NBC - that you have gone way beyond the legal means available to a prosecutor, that you've intimidated and drugged witnesses, bribed them, urged them to commit perjury. What is your response? Your faith in the veracity of the major media is touching, Jerry. It indicates that the Age of Innocence is not yet over. But seriously, Jerry, people aren't interested in Jim Garrison - they want the hard evidence! They want to know why he was killed and what forces were opposed to... +Your faith in the veracity of the major media is touching, Jerry. It indicates that the Age of Innocence is not yet over. But seriously, Jerry, people aren't interested in Jim Garrison - they want the hard evidence! They want to know why he was killed and what forces were opposed to... Some people would say you're paranoid. +Some people would say you're paranoid. Well, if I am, why is the Government concealing evidence? +Well, if I am, why is the Government concealing evidence? Are they? Why would they? +Are they? Why would they? That's exactly my question, Jerry. Maybe I'd better show you some pictures so you can begin to understand what I am talking about. +Pictures like this don't show up on television! Sure they do. The camera can pick this up. +Sure they do. The camera can pick this up. No, it can't! +Jim Garrison? Yes. +Yes. I'm glad you came. I'm sorry about the precautions. +I'm glad you came. I'm sorry about the precautions. Well, I just hope it was worth my while, Mr... +I could give you a false name, but I won't. Just call me X. I've already been warned by the Agency, Mr. Whoever. If this is another type of threat, I don't... +I've already been warned by the Agency, Mr. Whoever. If this is another type of threat, I don't... I'm not with the Agency, Mr. Garrison, and I assume if you've come this far, what I have to say interests you. But I'm not going to name names, or tell you who or what I represent. Except to say - you're close, you're closer than you think... +I don't... I can't believe it. They killed him because he wanted to change things. In our time - in our country? Kings are killed, Mr. Garrison. Politics is power, nothing more. But don't believe me. Don't trust me. Do your own work, your own thinking. +Kings are killed, Mr. Garrison. Politics is power, nothing more. But don't believe me. Don't trust me. Do your own work, your own thinking. The size of this is... beyond me. Testify? +The size of this is... beyond me. Testify? No chance in hell, Mr. Garrison. I'd be arrested and gagged, declared insane and hospitalized... maybe worse. You, too. I can only give you background, you got to find the foreground, the little things... Keep digging. Y'know you're the only person to ever bring a trial in the murder of John Kennedy. That's important - it's historic. +No chance in hell, Mr. Garrison. I'd be arrested and gagged, declared insane and hospitalized... maybe worse. You, too. I can only give you background, you got to find the foreground, the little things... Keep digging. Y'know you're the only person to ever bring a trial in the murder of John Kennedy. That's important - it's historic. I haven't yet. I don't have much of a case. +I haven't yet. I don't have much of a case. But you don't have a choice anymore. You've become a significant threat to the national security structure. They would've killed you already, but you got a lot of light on you. Instead, they're gonna destroy your credibility; they already have in many circles in this town. You're some kinda ego-crazed southern caricature to many folks. Be honest - the best chance you got is come up with a case, something, anything, make arrests, stir the shitstorm. You gotta hope to reach a point of critical mass where other people will come forward and the government will crack. Remember, fundamentally people are suckers for the truth, and the truth is on your side, 'bubba. I hope you get a break... +Well, thanks for coming. You didn't get that break you needed, but you went as far as any man could, bubba. What can I do for you? +You didn't get that break you needed, but you went as far as any man could, bubba. What can I do for you? Just speculating, I guess. How do you think it started? +Just speculating, I guess. How do you think it started? I think it started in the wind. Money - arms, big oil, Pentagon people, contractors, bankers, politicians like L.B.J. were committed to a war in Southeast Asia. As early as '61 they knew Kennedy was going to change things... He was not going to war in Southeast Asia. Who knows? Probably some boardroom or lunchroom somewhere - Houston, New York - hell, maybe Bonn, Germany... who knows, it's international now. +He's done it before. Other countries. Lumumba in the Congo, Trujillo, the Dominican Republic, he's working on Castro. No big deal. In September, Kennedy announces the Texas trip. At that moment, second Oswalds start popping up all over Dallas where they have the mayor and the cops in their pocket. Y flies in the assassins, maybe from the special camp we keep outside Athens, Greece - pros, maybe some locals, Cubans, Maria hire, separate teams. Does it really matter who shot from what rooftop? Part of the scenery. The assassins by now are dead or well paid and long gone... Any chance of one of them confessing someday? +Any chance of one of them confessing someday? ...don't think so. When they start to drool, they get rid of 'em. These guys are proud of what they did. They did Dealey Plaza! They took out the President of the United States! That's entertainment! And they served their country doing it. +...don't think so. When they start to drool, they get rid of 'em. These guys are proud of what they did. They did Dealey Plaza! They took out the President of the United States! That's entertainment! And they served their country doing it. ...and your General? +...and your General? ...got promoted to two stars, but he was never military, you know, always CIA. Went to Vietnam, lost his credibility when we got beat over there, retired, lives in Virginia. I say hello to him when I see him at the supermarket... +...got promoted to two stars, but he was never military, you know, always CIA. Went to Vietnam, lost his credibility when we got beat over there, retired, lives in Virginia. I say hello to him when I see him at the supermarket... Ever ask him? +Ever ask him? You never ask a spook a question. No point. He'll never give you a straight answer. General Y still thinks of himself of the handsome young warrior who loved this country but loved the concept of war more. +You never ask a spook a question. No point. He'll never give you a straight answer. General Y still thinks of himself of the handsome young warrior who loved this country but loved the concept of war more. His name? +His name? Does it matter? Another technician. But an interesting thing - he was there that day in Dealey Plaza. You know how I know? That picture of yours. The hoboes... you never looked deep enough... +"I knew the man 20 years. That's him. The way he walked... arms at his side, military, the stoop, the haircut, the twisted left hand, the large class ring. What was he doing there? If anyone had asked him, he'd probably say ""protection"" but I'll tell you I think he was giving some kind of ""okay"" signal to those hoboes - they're about to get booked and he's telling 'em it's gonna be okay, they're covered. And in fact they were - you never heard of them again." ...some story... the whole thing. It's like it never happened. +...some story... the whole thing. It's like it never happened. It never did. +It never did. Just think... just think. What happened to our country .. to the world... because of that murder... Vietnam, racial conflict, breakdown of law, drugs, thought control, guilt, assassinations, secret government fear of the frontier... +Just think... just think. What happened to our country .. to the world... because of that murder... Vietnam, racial conflict, breakdown of law, drugs, thought control, guilt, assassinations, secret government fear of the frontier... I keep thinking of that day, Tuesday the 26th, the day after they buried Kennedy, L.B.J. was signing the memorandum on Vietnam with Ambassador Lodge. +Here's my problem, Jack. You told me you and Guy were good friends for a long time? More than ten years. +More than ten years. And he never hit you before? +And he never hit you before? Never touched me. +Never touched me. Yet on November 22, 1963 - the day of the President's murder - our police report says he pistol-whipped you with a .357 Magnum. But the police report says you had an argument over the phone bill. Here, take a look at it. Now, does a simple argument over phone bills sound like a believable explanation to you? +How much more? I don't know if I should talk about this. +I don't know if I should talk about this. Well, I'd ask Guy - we were friendly, you know - heart attack, wasn't it? +Well, I'd ask Guy - we were friendly, you know - heart attack, wasn't it? If you buy what you read in the paper. +If you buy what you read in the paper. You have other information? +You have other information? I didn't say that. All I know is he died suddenly just before the Warren Report came out. +I didn't say that. All I know is he died suddenly just before the Warren Report came out. Why did Guy beat you, Jack? +Why did Guy beat you, Jack? Well, I guess now that Guy's dead, it don't really matter... it was about the people hanging around the office that summer. I wasn't really part of the operation, you know. I was handling the private-eye work for Guy when that came in - not much did - but that's why I was there... it was a nuthouse. There were all these Cubans coming and going. They all looked alike to me. +Dave Ferrie - you know about him? Was he there often? +Was he there often? Often? He practically lived there. It was real cloak and dagger stuff. They called it Operation Mongoose. The idea was to train all these Cuban exiles for another invasion of Cuba. Banister's office was part of a supply line that ran from Dallas, through New Orleans to Miami, stockpiling arms and explosives. +Where is Banister in all this? Banister was running his camp north of Lake Pontchartrain. Ferrie handled a lot of the training. There was a shooting range and a lot of tropical terrain like in Cuba. A few Americans got trained, too. Nazi types. Mercenaries. But Ferrie was the craziest. +Like I said, a fuckin' nuthouse. And Oswald? +Yeah, he was there, too... sometimes he'd be meeting with Banister with the door shut. Other times he'd be shooting the bull with Ferrie. But he was there all right. Anything more specific, Jack? It's important. +Anyone else involved at Banister's level? There was one guy, I don't know, big guy, business guy, white hair - I saw him come into the office once. He looked out of place, y'know - like a society guy. Can't remember his name. Oswald was with him. +Clay something, that was his name - Clay. Bertrand. Clay Bertrand? +Bertrand. Clay Bertrand? Yeah! That's it. I don't know. Maybe it wasn't. I gotta go. +Yeah! That's it. I don't know. Maybe it wasn't. I gotta go. Clay Bertrand. He's in the Warren Report. He tried to get Oswald a lawyer. Was Kennedy ever discussed, Jack? +Clay Bertrand. He's in the Warren Report. He tried to get Oswald a lawyer. Was Kennedy ever discussed, Jack? Sure. 'Course they hated the sonofabitch, but... +Sure. 'Course they hated the sonofabitch, but... The assassination, Jack? +The assassination, Jack? Never. Not with me sir, never... Listen, I think I'd better go. I said enough. I said all I'm going to say. +Never. Not with me sir, never... Listen, I think I'd better go. I said enough. I said all I'm going to say. Hold on, Jack. What's the problem? +Hold on, Jack. What's the problem? What's the problem? What's the problem? Do I need to spell it out for you, Mr. Garrison? I better go. +What's the problem? What's the problem? Do I need to spell it out for you, Mr. Garrison? I better go. Nobody knows what we're talking about, Jack. +Nobody knows what we're talking about, Jack. You're so naive, mister. +Didn't someone say he didn't speak good Russian? It's a contradiction, Numa, get used to them. The only explanation for the royal treatment is he did give them radar secrets. Or fake secrets. +Even my own wife, chief, Who's wondering where I am? Even your own wife, Numa. Any of you want to quit, do me a favor... put us out of our misery. +HOLD IT, CHIEF... You just need some sleep, Lou. It won't look so bad when... +Well, believe what you want, boss, but we got to be more careful. All these new volunteers, any one of them could be... Okay, you handle it, Numa. I don't have time for this nonsense. We've obviously got the bastards worried now. I'm going to Washington. +No, she could get hurt. If you believe what's happening to these other people. She's the best damn witness we have! +She's the best damn witness we have! I just don't want to do it. What else? +Hate mail here. Fan mail here. The bad news is the IRS has just requested an audit on your income from this office. I expected that two months ago, and they're wasting their time... The bad news is the National Guard has just asked me to resign after 18 years. Well, maybe that's good news - it was never as good as combat, but this is. Bill, any more on Oswald and Shaw? +Sure sounds like he's winning. He'll never make it. If he wins, they'll kill him. He wants to avenge his brother. He'll stop that war. No, they'll kill him before they let him become President. +"I don't think so, Al. You remember the Hemingway story, ""The Old Man and the Sea""? The old fisherman manages to catch this great fish - a fish so huge he has to tie it to the side of the boat to get it back in. But by the time he reached shore, the fish had long since been picked apart by sharks and nothing was left but the skeleton." Then what are we going through all this trouble for? +Then what are we going through all this trouble for? It's a means to an end. This war has two fronts - in the court of law, we hope, against the odds, to nail Clay Shaw on a conspiracy charge. In the court of public opinion, it could take another 25 or 30 years for the truth to come out, but at least we're going to strike the first blow. +Welcome, Mr. Miller. Jim Garrison. Would you care for some coffee? Yes, thank you, Mr. Garrison. Your coffee's almost Turkish down here but I could get used to it. +I'm glad you could find time to see me. I flew down from Denver this morning on my private jet. Yes, your letter indicated you were in he oil business up there. +Yes, your letter indicated you were in he oil business up there. I've done quite well in Denver, Mr. Garrison, but I have to admire someone like you - and I have the means to back up what I say. +I've done quite well in Denver, Mr. Garrison, but I have to admire someone like you - and I have the means to back up what I say. We can use all the support we can get. I think these might interest you. +They've been enlarged and show a lot of detail... Splendid, love to see them. +Where were you? Europe, Pacific? Germany. +Germany. You were lucky. I spent three years in the Pacific. I've never seen an avenue with such a profusion of bail-bonding companies. Why is that? +You were lucky. I spent three years in the Pacific. I've never seen an avenue with such a profusion of bail-bonding companies. Why is that? I imagine because this is the Criminal District Court Building This is an enlargement of a potential shooter standing behind the picket fence. We... +I know about that shot. A terrible tragedy. How much do you have for carrying on your investigation? If you must know, virtually nothing. +If you must know, virtually nothing. How many men are working with you on this? +How many men are working with you on this? Less than you would guess. Most days two to three assistant D.A.'s. A handful of police investigators. +Less than you would guess. Most days two to three assistant D.A.'s. A handful of police investigators. That's all you've had all this time? +That's all you've had all this time? That's it. +I'm going to be very frank with you. You've done a great job, an astounding job considering the limited resources available to you. But the best you can ever hope for is to stir up a lot of confusion. You're not going to do this country any good, and you're not going to do yourself any good. You don't belong here. On this Mickey Mouse street with that cheap strip of bail bond shops. The job manages to keep me pretty busy. +The job manages to keep me pretty busy. Nonsense. You should be in a job where you can make decisions that have impact, affect the world. Here you're trying to climb up the steep side of Mount Everest. +I propose you accept an appointment to the bench in Federal District Court and move into a job worthy of your talent. Do you have any idea, do you have any conception of how easily such an appointment can be arranged? And what would I have to do? +And what would I have to do? Stop your investigation... it was a magnificent effort but it's over and done with. The press is already on your behind and that's only the beginning, my boy, only the beginning. +Stop your investigation... it was a magnificent effort but it's over and done with. The press is already on your behind and that's only the beginning, my boy, only the beginning. How long do you think it would take me to be appointed? +Hello. Is this Jim Garrison's daughter? Yes? +Yes? Virginia or Elizabeth? +Virginia or Elizabeth? Virginia. +Virginia. Virginia, you're a lucky little girl. Your daddy has entered you in a beauty contest. Would you like to be in a beauty contest? +Virginia, you're a lucky little girl. Your daddy has entered you in a beauty contest. Would you like to be in a beauty contest? That sounds fun. +That sounds fun. I need some information from you then. How old are you? +I need some information from you then. How old are you? Six. +Six. And how tall are you? +And you get of from school at 3 every day? Yes. +Yes. Do you walk home? +Do you walk home? Uh huh. +Then do you understand that I cannot tell the truth here? In Dallas. That there are people here who do not want me to tell the truth... who do not want me to have a retrial? Mr. Ruby, I really can't see why you can't tell us now. +When are you going back to Washington, sir? I am going back very shortly after we finish this hearing - I am going to have some lunch. +I am going back very shortly after we finish this hearing - I am going to have some lunch. Can I make a statement? If you request me to go back to Washington with you right now, that is if you want to hear further testimony from me, can you do that? Can you take me with you? +Can I make a statement? If you request me to go back to Washington with you right now, that is if you want to hear further testimony from me, can you do that? Can you take me with you? No, that could not be done, Mr. Ruby. There are a good many things involved in that. +No, that could not be done, Mr. Ruby. There are a good many things involved in that. What are they? +What are they? Well, the public attention it would attract. And we have no place for you there to be safe, we're not law enforcement officials, and many things are at stake in this affair, Mr. Ruby. +Well, the public attention it would attract. And we have no place for you there to be safe, we're not law enforcement officials, and many things are at stake in this affair, Mr. Ruby. But if I am eliminated there won't be any way of knowing. Consequently a whole new form of government is going to take over this country, and I know I won't live to see you another time. My life is in danger here. Do I sound screwy? +But if I am eliminated there won't be any way of knowing. Consequently a whole new form of government is going to take over this country, and I know I won't live to see you another time. My life is in danger here. Do I sound screwy? Well I don't know what can be done, Mr. Ruby, because I don't know what you anticipate we will encounter. +Well I don't know what can be done, Mr. Ruby, because I don't know what you anticipate we will encounter. Then you don't stand a chance, Mr. Chief Justice, you have a lost cause. All I want is a lie detector test, and you refuse to give it to me. Because as it stands now - and the truth serum - how do you pronounce it - Pentothal - whatever it is. They will not give it to me, because I want to tell the truth... And then I want to leave this world. +Can I help you? Yes, you have a suit I've had my eye on. +This looks pretty good on me. Are you kidding, it looks great. You wear this to a business meeting, you're the badass in the room. But you can go out dancing in this too. It's a total power suit. +I think I'm gonna just get this for today. I'm in kind of a hurry. Would you mind ringing this up while I change out of it? Not a problem. +Not a problem. Thanks. +I'm sorry, I just decided to stay in the suit -- get out of that damn uniform. Oh, that's not a problem. +Tomorrow I'll talk to your probation officer. Karen's a good kid, but she's mad at you, because you lied to her. This business about your grandmother's funeral I went. I did. I took my mother and little brother. +I went. I did. I took my mother and little brother. But you didn't ask permission. You broke a trust. If you had asked, Karen probably would have let you. I'm sure she would. +But you didn't ask permission. You broke a trust. If you had asked, Karen probably would have let you. I'm sure she would. I know. That's why I went. +I know. That's why I went. But then you told her you were home. +But then you told her you were home. Sure, 'cause I didn't ask her if I could go. +I don't know. Maybe it's a language problem. Anita, you ever cause this much heartache over something that could easily be avoided, I'll never write you again. You understand? I understand. +I understand. I mean it. I don't care how many times your mother calls or how much she cries. +I understand. "Then say ""Yes, Max. I understand.""" +"Then say ""Yes, Max. I understand.""" Yes, Max, I understand. +So you're gonna call Karen tomorrow? I'll call her. +I'll call her. Won't forget? +Won't forget? I won't forget. +What the fuck can I say? I'm serious, man. What the fuck can I say? Thank you... thank you... thank you. Who was there for your ass? +Who was there for your ass? You were there for me. +You were there for me. Who? +Who? You. +You see, it works like this. You get your ass in trouble, I get your ass out. That's my job. And I don't mind tellin ya, nigga, it's steady work. I'm still scared as a motherfucker, Ordell. They talkin' like they serious 'bout me doin' that machine gun time. +I'm still scared as a motherfucker, Ordell. They talkin' like they serious 'bout me doin' that machine gun time. Naw, man. They just tryin' to put a fright in your ass. +Naw, man. They just tryin' to put a fright in your ass. If that's what they want to do, they're doin' it. +If that's what they want to do, they're doin' it. How old is that machine gun shit? +How old is that machine gun shit? Three years. +Three years. Three years. That crime's old, man. They ain't got room in prison for all the motherfuckers out there killin' people. How they gonna find room for you? +Three years. That crime's old, man. They ain't got room in prison for all the motherfuckers out there killin' people. How they gonna find room for you? That's not what they're tellin' me. +That's not what they're tellin' me. "That's why they call it ""fuckin' with ya."" Now you wanna hear how we retaliate?" +Hey, c'mon in, man. I was just -- you know -- smokin' a fatty, watchin' TV. Naw, man. I gotta be someplace. I was kinda hopin you could come with me. +Naw, man. I gotta be someplace. I was kinda hopin you could come with me. What'd ya mean? +What'd ya mean? Look, I hate to be the kinda nigga, does a nigga a favor -- then BAM -- hits a nigga up for a favor in return. But I'm afraid I gotta be that kinda nigga. +Look, I hate to be the kinda nigga, does a nigga a favor -- then BAM -- hits a nigga up for a favor in return. But I'm afraid I gotta be that kinda nigga. What? +What? I need a favor. +I need a favor. That requires me goin' out tonight? +That requires me goin' out tonight? A bit. +A bit. Aaaaawww man, I wasn't plannin' on goin' no place. It's twelve o'clock, man. I'm home, I'm high -- +Aaaaawww man, I wasn't plannin' on goin' no place. It's twelve o'clock, man. I'm home, I'm high -- Why the fuck you at home? Cause I spent ten thousand dollars gittin' your ass home. Look, I gotta problem. I need help, and you can help me. +What's the problem? Well, it ain't so much a problem a a situation. Remember I sold those three M-60 machine guns outta the five I got? +Well, it ain't so much a problem a a situation. Remember I sold those three M-60 machine guns outta the five I got? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. I'm gonna sell the other two tonight. This group of Koreans in Koreatown have started a Neighborhood Watch kinda thing. And they want a few weapons so the neighborhood niggas know they mean business. So I'm gonna sell 'em my two machine guns tonight. Only problem, I ain't never dealt with these Koreans before. Now I ain't worried. Asians are by and large real dependable. They don't want no trouble. You might argue about price, but you ain't gotta worry about them shootin' you in the back. But I got me kind of a rule. Never do business with nobody you ain't never done business with before without backup. That's why I need you, backup. +I'm gonna sell the other two tonight. This group of Koreans in Koreatown have started a Neighborhood Watch kinda thing. And they want a few weapons so the neighborhood niggas know they mean business. So I'm gonna sell 'em my two machine guns tonight. Only problem, I ain't never dealt with these Koreans before. Now I ain't worried. Asians are by and large real dependable. They don't want no trouble. You might argue about price, but you ain't gotta worry about them shootin' you in the back. But I got me kind of a rule. Never do business with nobody you ain't never done business with before without backup. That's why I need you, backup. Man, I ain't ready to be goin' out nowhere -- +Man, I ain't ready to be goin' out nowhere -- Let me finish. Can I finish? +Let me finish. Can I finish? Go ahead. +Fuck that shit, man. I ain't shootin' anybody. What the fuck I tell you. You don't hafta shoot nobody. Just hold the gun. They'll get the idea. +What the fuck I tell you. You don't hafta shoot nobody. Just hold the gun. They'll get the idea. I ain't gittin' in that trunk. +I ain't gittin' in that trunk. We're only goin' to Koreatown. You'll be in there -- ten minutes. +We're only goin' to Koreatown. You'll be in there -- ten minutes. Uh-uh. I ain't riding in that trunk no minutes. Why don't I just ride with you? +Uh-uh. I ain't riding in that trunk no minutes. Why don't I just ride with you? You can't ride with me. The surprise effect is ninety percent of it. +You can't ride with me. The surprise effect is ninety percent of it. Well, I'm sorry, man, but I ain't gittin' in that trunk. +Well, I'm sorry, man, but I ain't gittin' in that trunk. I can't believe you do me this way. +I can't believe you do me this way. I ain't doin' you no way. I just ain't climbin' in that trunk. I got a problem with small places. +I ain't doin' you no way. I just ain't climbin' in that trunk. I got a problem with small places. Well, my ass has got a problem spending ten thousand dollars of my own goddam money to get ungrateful, peanuthead niggas outta jail, but I do it -- +Well, my ass has got a problem spending ten thousand dollars of my own goddam money to get ungrateful, peanuthead niggas outta jail, but I do it -- Look, man, I know I owe you -- +Look, man, I know I owe you -- Well, if you owe me, git your ass in the trunk. +Well, if you owe me, git your ass in the trunk. I wanna help you, but I don't wanna be locked in the trunk of no car. +I wanna help you, but I don't wanna be locked in the trunk of no car. You think I wanted to spend ten thousand dollars on your ass? +Answer the question, nigga. Do you think I wanted to spend the thousand dollars on your ass? Yes or no? Course you didn't. +Course you didn't. But the only way to help you was to do that, so I did it. Okay, how 'bout this? After we're through fuckin' with these Koreans, I take you to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. My treat. +Does he have the marked bills on him? In his inside coat pocket. +Why were you with him? I went to give him his refund, so he wouldn't have to come here. +I went to give him his refund, so he wouldn't have to come here. How'd you know where he was? +How'd you know where he was? I found out. +I found out. And you didn't tell the Police? +And you didn't tell the Police? I told Jackie, and Jackie said you wanted him. +I'd say there's about, oh, fifty thousand dollars here. What would you say Ray? That looks like fifty thousand dollars from here. +You got a good lawyer? Can she afford a good one is the question. Otherwise she'll be in Sybill Brand three weeks easy before the Public Defender gets around to her. +Can she afford a good one is the question. Otherwise she'll be in Sybill Brand three weeks easy before the Public Defender gets around to her. Ever heard of a fella named Beaumont Livingston? +Great, you're here. Hey, Jackie. +What's going on? She wants to make a deal. +She wants to make a deal. She sound scared? +She sound scared? She almost sounds scared. +She almost sounds scared. What's she want? +What's she want? She wants to go back to work. +She wants to go back to work. What's she willing to give us? +What's she willing to give us? She hasn't one into specifics yet, she's been waiting for you. +She hasn't one into specifics yet, she's been waiting for you. She knows it's my case? +She knows it's my case? She ain't said it, but she's not stupid, she knows it's you who wants her. +We are. Don't worry about it. Every step of this goes in my report. I am now taking a manila envelope from the subject's flight bag. +The envelope contains currency... all the same denomination, one-hundred- dollar bills. Now, I'm counting it. What time do you have to be there? +Can I have a word with you? Sure. +Hi, I'm Detective Mark Dargus. L.A.P.D. can I ask what you have in that bag? The usual things. I'm a flight attendant with Cabo Air. +I doubt it. Who's your friend? This is Special Agent Ray Nicolet with Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. Would you mind if we looked in that bag? +Would I mind? Do I have a choice? "You have the right to say ""no."" And I have the right to make you wait here with Ray while I go get a warrant. And if I don't want to go through all that trouble, I could just take you in on suspicion." +"You have the right to say ""no."" And I have the right to make you wait here with Ray while I go get a warrant. And if I don't want to go through all that trouble, I could just take you in on suspicion." Suspicion of what? +This is your money? "If I were to tell you ""no it isn't...""" +You should know if you bring in anything over ten thousand you have to declare it. You forgot or what? You could get a two hundred and fifty thousand dollar fine, plus two years in prison. Now you want to talk to us about it, or you want to talk to Customs? I'm not saying another word. +Hey, this is my office. There's no smoking. Arrest me. +I'm not a loser. Oh, you're both? In 1985 you were flying for TWA and got busted for carrying drugs. You were carrying them for a pilot husband of yours. He did time and you got off. But that ended your career with the big airlines. Cut to thirteen years later. You're forty-four years of age. You're flying for the shittiest little shuttle-fucking piece of shit Mexican airline that there is. Where you make a whopping twelve-thousand dollars a year. That ain't a hulluva lot to show for a twenty year career. And to top it off, you're going to jail. Now true, the judge, even with your prior, will probably only give you a year or two. But this doesn't seem like the time of life you got years to throw away. Now, we don't like trying losers like they're criminals. But in the absence of a criminal, we will try you. Now, wasn't this money given to you by an American living in Mexico by the name of Cedric Walker? +Help yourself. While you're at it, let me see what else is in there. You mind? +My pocketbook. What's in it? +What's in it? Beauty products. +What's this? That's my diet shit. +Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. What with all the cash, I think I could go with Conspiracy to Traffic. I'm tellin' you, I don't know nothin' about that fuckin' shit. +Let me have a word outside with Agent Nicolet for a moment? Take your time. +Take your time. Thanks. +Help us do what? Help you get Ordell Robbie. +But now you're telling us now you do. 'Course I do -- I deliver money for him. +You don't want much, do you? Can you do it or not? +How was your flight? Fine. +Fine. Bet you're happy to be working again. +Four thirty. I'm meeting a woman. What's her name? +What's her name? He wouldn't say. You gonna follow her? +He wouldn't say. You gonna follow her? She leaves, somebody'll be on her. +She leaves, somebody'll be on her. But you're not going to stop her? +I can give you a lift home if you'd like? Okay. +Are you really a bail bondsman? Who do you think I am? +I gave you my card there. Can I see your I.D.? +Can I see your I.D.? You're serious? +Who put up my bond? Ordell? In cash. +Can we stop for cigarettes? Sure, ever been to the Riverbottom? +Sure, ever been to the Riverbottom? I don't think so. +I don't think so. It's okay. It's a cop hangout. +It's okay. It's a cop hangout. Couldn't we just stop at a seven- eleven? +Couldn't we just stop at a seven- eleven? I thought you might want a drink? +I thought you might want a drink? I'd love one, but not there. +I'd love one, but not there. We could stop at the Hilton by the airport. +We could stop at the Hilton by the airport. Is it dark? +Is it dark? It's kind of a sports bar +It's kind of a sports bar That doesn't sound dark. +That doesn't sound dark. Why does it need to be dark? +Why does it need to be dark? 'Cause I look like I just got outta jail, that's why. You droppin' me off at home, right? There's a place by me. +'Cause I look like I just got outta jail, that's why. You droppin' me off at home, right? There's a place by me. Great. +You gain weight? Ten pounds. I lose it and put it back on. +Ten pounds. I lose it and put it back on. That's why I don't quit. If I can't fly anymore, I'm gonna have a bitch of a time gettin' my brand. +That's why I don't quit. If I can't fly anymore, I'm gonna have a bitch of a time gettin' my brand. What's your brand? +What's your brand? Davidoffs. I get 'em in Mexico. They're hard to find here. I was locked up with the last two getting legal advice from a woman who was in for bustin' her boyfriend's head open with a baseball bat. +Davidoffs. I get 'em in Mexico. They're hard to find here. I was locked up with the last two getting legal advice from a woman who was in for bustin' her boyfriend's head open with a baseball bat. Was she helpful? +Was she helpful? She was more helpful than the fuckin' Public Defender. I don't know -- I guess what I need is a lawyer, find out what my options are. +She was more helpful than the fuckin' Public Defender. I don't know -- I guess what I need is a lawyer, find out what my options are. You know, I figured out the other day I've written something like fifteen thousand bonds since I've been in the business. I'd say about eighty percent of them were at least drug related. If you want, I can help you look at your options. +You're not tired of it? I am, as a matter of fact. +What have they told you? So far I've been told I can cooperate and get probation, maybe. Or, I can stand mute and get as much as five years. Does that sound right? +So far I've been told I can cooperate and get probation, maybe. Or, I can stand mute and get as much as five years. Does that sound right? I'd say if you're tried and found guilty you won't get more than a year and a day. That's State time. Prison. +I'd say if you're tried and found guilty you won't get more than a year and a day. That's State time. Prison. Shit. +Shit. But they won't want to take you to trial. They'll offer you simple Possession, a few months of County time, and a year or two probation. How 'bout another? +But they won't want to take you to trial. They'll offer you simple Possession, a few months of County time, and a year or two probation. How 'bout another? Sure. +You know who put the dope in your bag? "Yeah, but that's not what this was about. They were fuckin waitin' for my ass. They knew I had that money, they even knew the amount. The one who searched my bag, from L.A.P.D., Dargus, hardly even looked at it. ""Oh, I'd say there's fifty thousand here. What would you say?"" But all they could do was threaten me and hand me over to Customs, and I could tell they didn't want to do that." +"Yeah, but that's not what this was about. They were fuckin waitin' for my ass. They knew I had that money, they even knew the amount. The one who searched my bag, from L.A.P.D., Dargus, hardly even looked at it. ""Oh, I'd say there's fifty thousand here. What would you say?"" But all they could do was threaten me and hand me over to Customs, and I could tell they didn't want to do that." They wanted you to tell them what you know. +They wanted you to tell them what you know. I had 'em too. I burnt those two Starky and Hutch motherfuckers down. Then their asses lucked out and found that coke. +I had 'em too. I burnt those two Starky and Hutch motherfuckers down. Then their asses lucked out and found that coke. What did they want to know? +What did they want to know? Who gave me the money and who I was giving it to. And some guy they found in a trunk with his head blown off. Said it was him who told them 'bout me. +That would be Beaumont Livingston. That's him. How do you know 'em? +That's him. How do you know 'em? I wrote him on Monday. They found him dead on Tuesday. +I wrote him on Monday. They found him dead on Tuesday. Ordell pick up his bond? +Ordell pick up his bond? Same as you. Ten thousand. +Same as you. Ten thousand. The federal agent kinda half hinted Ordell might of done Beaumont. +The federal agent kinda half hinted Ordell might of done Beaumont. You mentioned a guy from L.A.P.D., but you didn't mention the Federal. +You mentioned a guy from L.A.P.D., but you didn't mention the Federal. I didn't? +I didn't? No, you didn't. What branch? +No, you didn't. What branch? Ray Nicolet with Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. +He's the one who wants you. It was the other guy who busted me. +It was the other guy who busted me. 'Cause if he busted you, you'd play hell bonding out of federal court. He doesn't want you mad at him, he wants you to tell him what you know. He uses you to get a line on Ordell, make a case, then take him federal. You know what Ordell's into? +'Cause if he busted you, you'd play hell bonding out of federal court. He doesn't want you mad at him, he wants you to tell him what you know. He uses you to get a line on Ordell, make a case, then take him federal. You know what Ordell's into? I have a pretty good idea. Ordell ain't no bootlegger and I doubt he's smugglin' Cuban cigars. So that only leaves one thing an A.T.F. man would be interested in. +I used to bring over ten thousand at a time. That's the legal limit, so I never brought more than that. How many trips did you make? +How many trips did you make? With ten thousand? Nine. +With ten thousand? Nine. He's got that kinda money? +He's got that kinda money? It's all in lock boxes in a Mexico bank. But he's got a problem. He's -- what do you call it when you got money, but don't have cash? +It's all in lock boxes in a Mexico bank. But he's got a problem. He's -- what do you call it when you got money, but don't have cash? Cash poor? +Cash poor? That's it. He's cash poor. He kept on me till I finally said okay. I'll bring whatever fits in a nine-by- twelve envelope. I got paid five hundred dollars, and his friend, Mr. Walker, in Mexico gave me the envelope. +That's it. He's cash poor. He kept on me till I finally said okay. I'll bring whatever fits in a nine-by- twelve envelope. I got paid five hundred dollars, and his friend, Mr. Walker, in Mexico gave me the envelope. If you knew bringing anything over ten thousand was against the law, why not pack a hundred grand? +Whatever it was had to fit in my bag and not hit you in the face if the bag was opened. This ain't solvin' my problem. I gotta figure out a way to either keep my job or get out of trouble. I'm off today, but if I can't leave the country I'm out of a job. And if I don't got a job, I can't hire a lawyer. Ask A.T.F. They might give you permission. +Ask A.T.F. They might give you permission. Yeah, if I cooperate. +Yeah, if I cooperate. Well, Jackie, you got caught, you're gonna have to give 'em something. +Well, Jackie, you got caught, you're gonna have to give 'em something. But if all I can give 'em is Ordell's name -- I don't really know shit about what he does or how he does it -- That don't give me much to bargain with. +But if all I can give 'em is Ordell's name -- I don't really know shit about what he does or how he does it -- That don't give me much to bargain with. Give 'em what you got. Offer to help. Show a willingness to be helpful. You want to stay out of jail, don't you? +What'dya think? I think maybe I have more options than I thought. +If you're having some. I am. Have a seat. +You get a chance to use it? I felt a lot safer having it. My milk went bad when I was in jail. +I felt a lot safer having it. My milk went bad when I was in jail. Black's fine. +Thanks, but I have my own now. You went out this morning and bought a gun? +What, I couldn't hear you? You went out this morning and bought a gun. +Somebody loan it to you? Yeah. +Want to hear some music? Sure. +I couldn't wait till I got home last night and wash my hair. It looks nice. +You never got into the whole CD revolution? I got a few. But I can't afford to start all over again. I got too much time and money invested in my records. +This is pretty. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Who is this? +Who is this? The Delfonics. +The Delfonics. '76? +'76? '74, I think. +'74, I think. It's nice. +I called in sick this morning. As far as the airline knows, I'm still available. Are you? +Are you? I don't know yet. I'm going to talk with Dargus and Nicolet today. Do what you suggested. Offer to help and see what happens. +I don't know yet. I'm going to talk with Dargus and Nicolet today. Do what you suggested. Offer to help and see what happens. What I meant was have a lawyer do the negotiating for you. +What I meant was have a lawyer do the negotiating for you. I want to talk to them first. I know more now about Ordell's money. +I want to talk to them first. I know more now about Ordell's money. Well, if the A.T.F. guy is the one who wants you, that'll only interest him up to a point. +Well, if the A.T.F. guy is the one who wants you, that'll only interest him up to a point. It's a lot of money. About a half-a- million dollars. All of it in Cabo in safe deposit boxes and more comin' in. +It's a lot of money. About a half-a- million dollars. All of it in Cabo in safe deposit boxes and more comin' in. How'd you find that out? +How'd you find that out? He told me last night. +He told me last night. He called you? +He called you? He came by. +He came by. What?... What'd you do? +What?... What'd you do? We talked. +He had his doubts at first. But he's always trusted me an wants more than anything to believe he still can. Why? +Why? He needs me. Without me all that money is just gonna sit over there in Cabo. Sugar? +He needs me. Without me all that money is just gonna sit over there in Cabo. Sugar? No thanks. There's gotta be other ways to get it out. +How do you get it out? Same way I been doin', but first they got to let me go back to work. +Same way I been doin', but first they got to let me go back to work. You're gonna offer to set him up? +You're gonna offer to set him up? If I get let off. Otherwise, fuck 'em. +If I get let off. Otherwise, fuck 'em. It's very possible Ordell's killed somebody. +It's very possible Ordell's killed somebody. I ain't goin' to jail, and I ain't doin' that probation thing again. +How do you feel about getting old? You're not old. You look great. +You're not old. You look great. I'm asking how you feel. Does it bother you? +I'm asking how you feel. Does it bother you? It's not really something I think about. +It's not really something I think about. Really? +Really? Okay, I'm a little sensitive about my hair. It started falling out ten years ago. So I did something about it. +Okay, I'm a little sensitive about my hair. It started falling out ten years ago. So I did something about it. How'd you feel about it? +How'd you feel about it? I'm fine with it, or I wouldn't of done it, I did it to feel better about myself, and I do. When I look in the mirror it looks like me. +I'm fine with it, or I wouldn't of done it, I did it to feel better about myself, and I do. When I look in the mirror it looks like me. It's different with men. +It's different with men. You know, I can't really feel too sorry for you in that department. +My ass ain't the same. Bigger? +Bigger? Yeah. +Does something else worry you? I just feel like I'm always starting over. You said how many bonds you wrote? +I just feel like I'm always starting over. You said how many bonds you wrote? Fifteen thousand. +Fifteen thousand. Well, I've flown seven million miles. And I've been waitin' on people almost twenty years. The best job I could get after my bust was Cabo Air, which is about the worst job you can get in this industry. I make about sixteen thousand, with retirement benefits, ain't worth a damn. And now with this arrest hanging over my head, I'm scared. If I lose my job I gotta start all over again, but I got nothin' to start over with. I'll be stuck with whatever I can get. And that scares me more than Ordell. +Well, hello. Surprise. +I walked right past you. I know, ignoring me. What're you up to? +I know, ignoring me. What're you up to? Catching a movie. +Catching a movie. What'd ya see? +What'd ya see? """American President""" +"""American President""" How was it? +How was it? Pretty good. Me and Annette Bening are goin steady. +Pretty good. Me and Annette Bening are goin steady. Oh, are you? Does she know that? +Oh, are you? Does she know that? No... ...I don't believe she's ever heard of me. But that doesn't mean we're not going steady. +Does it happen to all men? Well, I'd never be so bold as to speak for all men, but as or myself and a few of my friends, that's definitely the case. There's a lot of actresses out there you like, and there's some you have crushes on. But there's always one who you love. And with her it's sorta like going steady. +Well, I'd never be so bold as to speak for all men, but as or myself and a few of my friends, that's definitely the case. There's a lot of actresses out there you like, and there's some you have crushes on. But there's always one who you love. And with her it's sorta like going steady. And Annette's it for you? +And Annette's it for you? For now. These relationships never last too long. +Who was your girl before Annette? Sandra Bullock. You know her? +Sandra Bullock. You know her? "Yeah, she's the girl who drove the bus in ""Speed."" She's cute." +"Yeah, she's the girl who drove the bus in ""Speed."" She's cute." She's adorable. But I had to end it. +She's adorable. But I had to end it. Why? +Why? I'm old enough to be her father. +I'm old enough to be her father. How old's Annette? +How old's Annette? I don't care. +What're you, a bag lady? I go back to work tomorrow. +I go back to work tomorrow. You talk them into it? +You talk them into it? They seem to like the idea. +They seem to like the idea. Bring the money in and they follow it? +Bring the money in and they follow it? Yea, but I'm going to dress it up. Put the money in a shopping bag and hand it to someone I meet here. +Yea, but I'm going to dress it up. Put the money in a shopping bag and hand it to someone I meet here. You don't actually do it that way? +You don't actually do it that way? He always just picked it up at my place. But with A.T.F. involved, I want to stage it. You know, make it look more intriguing, like we know what the fuck we're doin'. Then it's up to Ray Nicolet, the A.T.F. guy to follow the shopping bag. +He always just picked it up at my place. But with A.T.F. involved, I want to stage it. You know, make it look more intriguing, like we know what the fuck we're doin'. Then it's up to Ray Nicolet, the A.T.F. guy to follow the shopping bag. Make the delivery somewhere in the mall. +Make the delivery somewhere in the mall. Right around here, in the food court. +Right around here, in the food court. Sit down, leave the bag under the table? +Will Ordell go for that? I'm helping him bring his money into America. He loves the idea. You just missed him. +I'm helping him bring his money into America. He loves the idea. You just missed him. He was here? +He was here? Yeah, we were goin' over everything. That's why all the bags. +Yeah, we were goin' over everything. That's why all the bags. I called you last night. +I called you last night. I know, I got your message. Ray wanted to have dinner. He wanted to talk about the sting we're plotting. That's what he calls it. A sting. He's being real nice to me. +I know, I got your message. Ray wanted to have dinner. He wanted to talk about the sting we're plotting. That's what he calls it. A sting. He's being real nice to me. You think he's got a thing for you? +You think he's got a thing for you? Maybe. But I'm thinking it might be something like he wants the money for himself. +Maybe. But I'm thinking it might be something like he wants the money for himself. I don't follow your logic. What does his being nice to you have to do with him wanting Ordell's money? +I don't follow your logic. What does his being nice to you have to do with him wanting Ordell's money? He's setting me up to make a proposition. +He's setting me up to make a proposition. I see. +I see. You don't propose something like that unless you're pretty sure the other person's into it. +You don't propose something like that unless you're pretty sure the other person's into it. Has he hinted around? +Has he hinted around? Not really. But I knew this narcotics cop one time. Told me that in a raid, the whole package never gets back to the station. His exact words. +Not really. But I knew this narcotics cop one time. Told me that in a raid, the whole package never gets back to the station. His exact words. You know some interesting people. +You know some interesting people. He weren't bullshittin' either, 'cause later he was suspended and forced to retire. +He weren't bullshittin' either, 'cause later he was suspended and forced to retire. Has Nicolet told you any colorful stories like that? +He tries to act cool. No harm in that. He's a young guy havin' fun being a cop. I know the type, trust me on this. He's more interested in Ordell than the money. If he's gonna do anything suspect, it'll be cutting corners to get the conviction; but he wouldn't walk off with the money. It's evidence. +No harm in that. He's a young guy havin' fun being a cop. I know the type, trust me on this. He's more interested in Ordell than the money. If he's gonna do anything suspect, it'll be cutting corners to get the conviction; but he wouldn't walk off with the money. It's evidence. What about you Max? +What about you Max? What? If I was in Nicolet's place? +What? If I was in Nicolet's place? No, I mean you, right now. Not it you were somebody else. +No, I mean you, right now. Not it you were somebody else. If I saw a way to walk off with a shopping bag full of money, would I take it? +If I saw a way to walk off with a shopping bag full of money, would I take it? You know where it came from. It's not like it's anybody's life savings. It wouldn't even be missed. +You know where it came from. It's not like it's anybody's life savings. It wouldn't even be missed. A half-a-million dollars will always be missed. +A half-a-million dollars will always be missed. You're avoiding the question. +You're avoiding the question. Okay, sure. I might be tempted. Especially now, since I'm getting out of the bail bonds business. +I have to stand behind all my active bonds, but I'm not writing any new ones. Why? +Why? A lot of reasons. But the main one would be I'm tired of it. +A lot of reasons. But the main one would be I'm tired of it. When did you decide? +When did you decide? It's been a long time coming. I finally made up my mind -- I guess it was Thursday. +Hi, I'm Max Cherry. Your bail bondsman. The day you got me out of jail? +The day you got me out of jail? Yeah, that night I went to pick up a guy. I hear he's staying at this house, so I sneak in, wait for him to come home. +Yeah, that night I went to pick up a guy. I hear he's staying at this house, so I sneak in, wait for him to come home. Wait a minute. After we were together you went and snuck into a guy's house? +Wait a minute. After we were together you went and snuck into a guy's house? Uh-huh. +Got another gun and a stun gun... And went to this guy's house in El Monte, and I waited for him. +And went to this guy's house in El Monte, and I waited for him. What do you do when he comes home? +What do you do when he comes home? Shoot him with the stun gun. While he's incapacitated, cuff him, take 'em to County. +Shoot him with the stun gun. While he's incapacitated, cuff him, take 'em to County. You do that? +You do that? That's my job. +That's my job. Did you do it that night? +Did you do it that night? "He never came home. But I'm sitting on the couch, in the dark, holding my stun gun and the whole house smells of mildew -- So after a couple hours I think, ""What am I doing here? Nineteen years of this shit? So I made up my mind, that's it." +"He never came home. But I'm sitting on the couch, in the dark, holding my stun gun and the whole house smells of mildew -- So after a couple hours I think, ""What am I doing here? Nineteen years of this shit? So I made up my mind, that's it." And is that it? +And is that it? More or less. +I'm not sure you answered my question. Which one? +Which one? If you had a chance, unemployed now, to walk off with a half-million dollars, would you take it? +If you had a chance, unemployed now, to walk off with a half-million dollars, would you take it? I believe I said I'd be tempted. +Don't even think about it. You could get yourself killed go to prison... What if I've figured a way? +The feds. It's evidence. It may be evidence once they get their hands on it, but right now it's only money. +You're rationalizing. That's what you do to go through with the shit you start. You rationalize. I can do this, Max, I know I can. But I can't do it without you. +I told them Ordell's changed the amount he's bringing in. Do you think they bought it? +Do you think they bought it? Oh, yeah. I got them thinking Ordell's real nervous. They love thinking he's scared of them. +Oh, yeah. I got them thinking Ordell's real nervous. They love thinking he's scared of them. You know, a good cop won't let you know he knows you're fulla shit. +You know, a good cop won't let you know he knows you're fulla shit. All he needed was a reasonable explanation. +It'll be more than that. Don't be so literal. Ray believed it. +Don't be so literal. Ray believed it. But you still have to show him the money at the airport. +But you still have to show him the money at the airport. Well, you know I'm not going to show him the whole amount. He'll see fifty thousand. +Well, you know I'm not going to show him the whole amount. He'll see fifty thousand. Where's the rest of it? +Where's the rest of it? In the bag underneath. +In the bag underneath. What if he checks it? +What if he checks it? He won't -- I mean, he didn't the last time. He'll be expecting fifty thousand and there it is -- on top. +He won't -- I mean, he didn't the last time. He'll be expecting fifty thousand and there it is -- on top. You're takin' a helluva chance kid. +You're takin' a helluva chance kid. Not really. If he finds it, I say Mr. Walker put the money in, and I didn't know nothing about it. Like the coke. +Not really. If he finds it, I say Mr. Walker put the money in, and I didn't know nothing about it. Like the coke. Then you're out and you get nothing. +Then you're out and you get nothing. Yeah, but I'm not in jail and I tried. +Yeah, but I'm not in jail and I tried. You're gonna have surveillance all over you. +You're gonna have surveillance all over you. That's why you don't make a move till I come out of the fitting room. +That's why you don't make a move till I come out of the fitting room. In a dress. +In a dress. Well, a suit. There's one I had my eye on. +How'd you find out? All Winston had to do was ask around. Ordell's living in Long Beach with a woman junkie. +All Winston had to do was ask around. Ordell's living in Long Beach with a woman junkie. How does Winston find him if A.T.F. and all the local Police can't? +How does Winston find him if A.T.F. and all the local Police can't? People talk to Winston. He's street, same as them, they trust him. They get busted, they know somebody who can bond them out. I thought I might drop in on him. He'll no doubt be surprised to see me. +People talk to Winston. He's street, same as them, they trust him. They get busted, they know somebody who can bond them out. I thought I might drop in on him. He'll no doubt be surprised to see me. He's liable to shoot you. +He's liable to shoot you. On the phone I told him I have the ten thousand he put up for your bond. I could bring the money and the papers for him to sign. Walk out and call the Sheriff's department. +Ray wants him. Everybody wants him, he's a homicide suspect. It doesn't matter who brings him in, he's gonna name you as an accessory. +That's why A.T.F.'s gotta make the case. I'm their witness. They wouldn't have a case without me. If it's his word against mine, who are they gonna believe? It's not that simple. +It never was, so I'm not gonna start worrying about it now. Look, Ray more or less believes my story, and he more or less doesn't care. All he really gives a shit about is getting Ordell. So how do we give Ordell to Nicolet? +So how do we give Ordell to Nicolet? Get Ordell to come to your office. +Get Ordell to come to your office. Set him up. +Set him up. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Tell him you want to see him? +Tell him you want to see him? Tell him I want to give him his money. +Tell him I want to give him his money. Why? +Why? I've chickened out. I'm afraid of him. He'll like that. +I've chickened out. I'm afraid of him. He'll like that. What do you tell Nicolet? +What do you tell Nicolet? Ordell called and wants to meet me and I'm scared. +Ordell called and wants to meet me and I'm scared. We get Ordell to come to my office. Nicolet -- is he already there, or does he come busting in while we're chatting? +He's already there. What if he hears something he's not supposed to? +What if he hears something he's not supposed to? Well, we don't let that happen, now do we? +I got your package. It was fun getting a half-a-million dollars in the mail. Less ten percent. +Less ten percent. Yeah, your fee. I had to figure that out, since there wasn't no note. +Only this isn't a bail bond, Max. I hesitated taking that much. +I hesitated taking that much. You worked for it -- if you're sure that's all you want. +You worked for it -- if you're sure that's all you want. I'm sure. +I saw Ray the other day. Boy is he pissed he missed all the excitement. What's he doing? +What's he doing? "He's on to a new thing. He's after a guy who owns a gun shop he says is ""woefully and wantonly"" selling assault rifles to minors. He says he's gonna take him down if it's the last thing he does." +"He's on to a new thing. He's after a guy who owns a gun shop he says is ""woefully and wantonly"" selling assault rifles to minors. He says he's gonna take him down if it's the last thing he does." Did you tell him you were leaving? +Did you tell him you were leaving? I told him I might. +That's Ordell's. They've confiscated all his other stuff. But this one's sorta left over. The registration's in the glove box, the keys were under the seat... What's a matter, haven't you ever borrowed someone's car? +They've confiscated all his other stuff. But this one's sorta left over. The registration's in the glove box, the keys were under the seat... What's a matter, haven't you ever borrowed someone's car? Not after they're dead. +I didn't use you, Max. I didn't say you did. +I didn't say you did. I never lied to you. +I never lied to you. I know. +I know. We're partners. +We're partners. I'm fifty-five-years old. I can't blame anybody for anything I do. +I'm fifty-five-years old. I can't blame anybody for anything I do. Do you blame yourself for helping me? +I'd feel a whole lot better if you took some more money. You'll get over that. +Where're you going? Spain. +Spain. Madrid or Barcelona? +Madrid or Barcelona? Start off in Madrid. Ever been there? +Wanna go? Thanks, but you have a good time. +Thanks, but you have a good time. Sure I can't twist your arm? +Sure I can't twist your arm? Thank you for saying that, but no. My business. +Thank you for saying that, but no. My business. I thought you were tired of your business? +I thought you were tired of your business? I'm just tired in general. +I'm just tired in general. Are you scared of me? +You tell those guys they'll have to do one helluva lot better than that before I'll even say 'hi' to them. Well, that's the State's offer. If you plead to possession and tell L.A.P.D. what they want to know, your bond will be set at one-thousand dollars. If you don't, L.A.P.D. will request one at twenty-five thousand based on your prior record and risk of flight. If you don't post it or don't know anyone who can, you'll spend six to eight weeks in County before your arraignment comes up. +Well, that's the State's offer. If you plead to possession and tell L.A.P.D. what they want to know, your bond will be set at one-thousand dollars. If you don't, L.A.P.D. will request one at twenty-five thousand based on your prior record and risk of flight. If you don't post it or don't know anyone who can, you'll spend six to eight weeks in County before your arraignment comes up. Who's side are you on? +Who's side are you on? I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? What if I plead guilty? +What if I plead guilty? And cooperate? You might get probation. +And cooperate? You might get probation. If I don't cooperate? +If I don't cooperate? With the prior? You could get anywhere from a year to five depending on the judge. You want to think about it? You got two minutes before we're up. +He say we like the same thing as married. Do you live together? +Most of the times. Not every day? +Sometimes every day, for a while. Then you don't see him for a few days? +Yes'm. You know what's in the bag you're taking? +You know what's in the bag you're taking? He say is a surprise. +He say is a surprise. Well, Sheronda, it was nice talking to you. +Oh, Miss Brown? Yeah? +And what would this be, Sweet and Low? What the fuck is that shit? +What the fuck is that shit? I know what it looks like. +I know what it looks like. You planted that shit on me. +Look, that shit ain't mine. It isn't enough for Trafficking, but how 'bout Posession with the Intent to Distribute? +We'll just be a minute. Can I smoke? +Thanks for waiting, Jackie. Now tell me, what can we do for you? I need permission to leave the country so I keep my job. +I need permission to leave the country so I keep my job. We can look into that. +We can look into that. I need it tomorrow. If I don't show up for work tomorrow, I'm fired. +I need it tomorrow. If I don't show up for work tomorrow, I'm fired. You know what we want. +You know what we want. If I'm working, I can help you. +Oh, so now you know him? You never asked me if I did or not. +No shit. You know how he makes his money? He sells guns. +He sells guns. You ever see him sell guns? +You ever see him sell guns? No. +No. Then how do you know he sells guns? +Then how do you know he sells guns? He told me. Besides, why else would an A.T.F. man be after him? +He told me. Besides, why else would an A.T.F. man be after him? How can you help us? +How can you help us? Short of wearing a wire, I'll do everything I can to help you throw his ass in jail. And in exchange for my help, I need permission to leave the country and immunity. +This is A.T.F. agent Ray Nicolet, Jackie Brown, Ordell Robbie money exchange trial run. It's three p.m., July 4th 1997. The location is the parking structure at LAX. What are you doing? +I'm recording this. I thought you were going to let this one through. +The envelope contains ten thousand dollars. The subject will be delivering the currency in a... A Broadway shopping bag. +Ordell has a white guy working for him named Louis. You two meet? +You two meet? This afternoon before I came here. He was with Ordell at an apartment in Hermosa Beach. I don't know if he lives there, but I can find out. +This afternoon before I came here. He was with Ordell at an apartment in Hermosa Beach. I don't know if he lives there, but I can find out. You talk to him? +You talk to him? Not really. +Not really. His full name is Louis Gara. He just got out from serving four years in Susanville. +His full name is Louis Gara. He just got out from serving four years in Susanville. What for? +What for? Bank robbery? Do you know what he does for Ordell? +Bank robbery? Do you know what he does for Ordell? I imagine shit needs to be done. +I imagine shit needs to be done. We've been following Mr. Gara, and he's definitely working for Ordell. +...Compton with a fifty-six-year- old petty thief -- woman named Simone Hawkins. Ever meet her, or they talk about her? +Ever meet her, or they talk about her? Not yet. +Not yet. Who's the other one? +Who's the other one? White girl named Melanie Ralston. Another girlfriend of Ordell's. +White girl named Melanie Ralston. Another girlfriend of Ordell's. What's her story? +What's her story? It was her coke I got busted with. She knows everything, but she's not part of it, and she's pissed cause she's not part of it. Ordell wouldn't even let her stay at the meeting. She tried to talk me into ripping off Ordell. +It was her coke I got busted with. She knows everything, but she's not part of it, and she's pissed cause she's not part of it. Ordell wouldn't even let her stay at the meeting. She tried to talk me into ripping off Ordell. And splittin' with her? +And splittin' with her? I'm sure that was the idea. +I'm sure that was the idea. What did you say? +What did you say? I smiled and walked away. She also told me Ordell killed Beaumont. +I smiled and walked away. She also told me Ordell killed Beaumont. She told you that? +She told you that? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Was she there? +Was she there? She didn't say. +She didn't say. But she mentioned Beaumont by name? +But she mentioned Beaumont by name? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Well, this sounds like a lady I'd like to have a word with. So everything's set for tomorrow? +Well, this sounds like a lady I'd like to have a word with. So everything's set for tomorrow? Right. Everything's the same, except one change... +You said that the last time. Well, it's true, isn't it? After this is buttoned up we could meet someplace else. What do you think? +Well, it's true, isn't it? After this is buttoned up we could meet someplace else. What do you think? We could, if I'm not in jail. +We could, if I'm not in jail. Oh, that's taken care of. I called the State Attorney's Office. You were no-filed this morning in Circuit Court. +That's fifty thousand, huh? It doesn't look like that much. I was told ten thousand in each pack. +I was told ten thousand in each pack. You didn't count it? +You didn't count it? I never have. It's not my money. +Ever been tempted? What? To put one of these in my pocket? +What? To put one of these in my pocket? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. If I did, I'd have to give you one, wouldn't I? Or we could take what we want. No one knows how much there is except us, right? +If I did, I'd have to give you one, wouldn't I? Or we could take what we want. No one knows how much there is except us, right? Yes. All those things are true. +Yes. All those things are true. After all, it don't belong to nobody, right? +After all, it don't belong to nobody, right? That would be one point of view. +That would be one point of view. Yeah, well, it's not a point of view that A.T.F. shares. Once we make it evidence, it belongs to us. You are now officially out of trouble. Don't do nothing stupid, now. +Yeah, well, it's not a point of view that A.T.F. shares. Once we make it evidence, it belongs to us. You are now officially out of trouble. Don't do nothing stupid, now. How can I do anything if I'm being watched every second? +How can I do anything if I'm being watched every second? I'm glad you realize that. Saves me the trouble of pointing it out to you. Put this in your shopping bag. It's what I expect to find when I look in Sheronda's. Comprende? +I'm glad you realize that. Saves me the trouble of pointing it out to you. Put this in your shopping bag. It's what I expect to find when I look in Sheronda's. Comprende? Si. +I thought I did. You didn't. I would think with all this on your mind, you'd wait till after. +You didn't. I would think with all this on your mind, you'd wait till after. I got there early. I've had my eye on this suit -- Wait, let's start over. I got there early. The idea was to try on the suit, see if I liked it. If I did, get them to wrap it up, and change back into my uniform. That's what Sheronda's expecting me to wear. Go meet Sheronda, give her the bag with fifty thousand, and go home. +I got there early. I've had my eye on this suit -- Wait, let's start over. I got there early. The idea was to try on the suit, see if I liked it. If I did, get them to wrap it up, and change back into my uniform. That's what Sheronda's expecting me to wear. Go meet Sheronda, give her the bag with fifty thousand, and go home. But you didn't do that. +But you didn't do that. Because I didn't have it. Ray, I swear, Melanie came in and grabbed it. And someone killed her for it. +Where's the bag she gave you? She didn't give me one. I told you before, Melanie wasn't part of the plan. Ordell must of told her to do it. She bursts in, grabs the shopping bag, and takes off. What am I supposed to do, go after her? I'm in my fucking underwear. I had to get dressed before I could do anything. So I put this back on 'cause could put this on faster than I could my uniform. +She didn't give me one. I told you before, Melanie wasn't part of the plan. Ordell must of told her to do it. She bursts in, grabs the shopping bag, and takes off. What am I supposed to do, go after her? I'm in my fucking underwear. I had to get dressed before I could do anything. So I put this back on 'cause could put this on faster than I could my uniform. You took the time to pay the saleswoman. +You took the time to pay the saleswoman. I had to. I was frantic. I didn't know what to do. +I had to. I was frantic. I didn't know what to do. What did you do after that? +What did you do after that? I went looking for you. I went straight to the bookstore, 'cause that's where you were last time, but you weren't there. How the hell else am I supposed to let anybody know what happened? You didn't tell me how to do that, did you? I knew I was under surveillance, so when I couldn't spot anybody, I started yelling. +I went looking for you. I went straight to the bookstore, 'cause that's where you were last time, but you weren't there. How the hell else am I supposed to let anybody know what happened? You didn't tell me how to do that, did you? I knew I was under surveillance, so when I couldn't spot anybody, I started yelling. There was a guy with Melanie? +There was a guy with Melanie? Not in the fitting room. +We had our agent on you. She sees a blonde come out of the fitting room carrying a Robinson's/May bag and tussle with a tough-looking white guy. The white guy takes the shopping bag and they go. This guy with Melanie, that was Louis Gara? +This guy with Melanie, that was Louis Gara? I didn't see him. I was in my underwear. If it was a white guy, it was probably Louis. He kill Melanie? +I didn't see him. I was in my underwear. If it was a white guy, it was probably Louis. He kill Melanie? It's possible. You're saying you don't have any idea what happened to that fifty thousand? +It's possible. You're saying you don't have any idea what happened to that fifty thousand? I have no idea. +I have no idea. You'd take a polygraph on it? +You'd take a polygraph on it? If it'll make you happy. +If it'll make you happy. I sure hope you haven't done anything dumb Jackie. +Louis Gara's dead. L.A.P.D. found him dead in a car on Ninth. And we've lost Ordell. I thought you were watching him. +I thought you were watching him. We were, and we lost him. He walked into a strip bar sometime around three thirty and never came out. The bar was on Ninth, less than a mile- and-a-half from where Louis was found dead. It looks like Louis's friend shot him twice at point blank range. +We were, and we lost him. He walked into a strip bar sometime around three thirty and never came out. The bar was on Ninth, less than a mile- and-a-half from where Louis was found dead. It looks like Louis's friend shot him twice at point blank range. So what happens now? +So what happens now? We pick up Ordell. We've got three murders we can link him to. We have the storage unit where he keeps his guns, by tomorrow we'll have a search warrant to go in and get him. And we have you. +We pick up Ordell. We've got three murders we can link him to. We have the storage unit where he keeps his guns, by tomorrow we'll have a search warrant to go in and get him. And we have you. What about me? +What about me? What about you? +What about you? Do you think I took some of that money? +Do you think I took some of that money? I have no evidence of your taking anything. You didn't pay for your snazzy new suit with marked bills; I was glad to see that. You've been helping us out, you gave us Melanie and Louis. Melanie had a packet of marked bills stuffed in her shorts when they found her, which goes a long way backing up your story. +Oh, hi. Buy ya a beer? +Buy ya a beer? I'm waiting for the phone. +I'm waiting for the phone. Good luck. That guy's been in there since I got here. +Good luck. That guy's been in there since I got here. Well, I guess I better look for another one, then. Thanks, anyway. +Sure. Great... ...Wanda! +Killian's. Better get me another Sam's. Join me in a Jaeger shot? +Better get me another Sam's. Join me in a Jaeger shot? Uh-uh. +Uh-uh. Gimme one anyway. +How long you been with Ordell? This time? Almost a year. I've known him forever. +This time? Almost a year. I've known him forever. What were you two fighting about? +What were you two fighting about? "He told me to go outside. ""You may leave us now."" It's all part of his pathetic attempt to be ""the man."" You know Mr. Walker don't you?" +Mr. Walker's my buddy. Ask him about Ordell. That coke was yours, wasn't it? +He said he didn't know about it. You believe that? Yeah, well, I guess you have to trust him. I'd have second thoughts on that, but then I know 'em. +He killed a guy who works for him the other day. Beaumont Livingston? +Beaumont Livingston? You already knew that? +You already knew that? Kinda. +Kinda. So tell me. Having all that money in your flight bag -- Is it tempting? +You think I'm kidding? Dreaming. +Dreaming. You know how easy it would be? He won't be anywhere near that mall. Pull one more switch, up front. That's it. Half-a-million dollars. Need help? +You know how easy it would be? He won't be anywhere near that mall. Pull one more switch, up front. That's it. Half-a-million dollars. Need help? Keep it between us girls? +Keep it between us girls? What's that fucker ever done for us? +What's that fucker ever done for us? I don't think so, but thanks for the beer. +Jackie? Hi, Melanie. +Hi, Melanie. Are you getting that black suit? +Are you getting that black suit? Yeah, do you like it? +Yeah, do you like it? It looks good on you. +It looks good on you. Do you got something for me? +Do you got something for me? You betcha. +I put a little cherry on top. You're right. What the hell he ever do for us? Thanks. +Thanks. Now be careful with that bag. You don't want it ripping open on you in the middle of the store. +How you doing, Ms. Jackie? I was expecting you. Come in. +I got some vodka in the freezer. Got some o.j.? +Got some o.j.? Yeah. +Well, then, why don't you be a good hostess and make me a screwdriver? Sure. +For what? Who you think got your ass outta jail? +The same guy who put me in, thanks a lot. Hey, you get caught with blow, that's your business. +I'magine they asked who you givin' it to, too. They asked. +They asked. And what was your answer? +And what was your answer? I said I wanted to talk to a lawyer. +I said I wanted to talk to a lawyer. You positive about that? You weren't nervous and let something slip by mistake? If you did, I ain't mad, I just gotta know. +Beaumont Livingston. I knew it. +I knew it. And they asked if I knew Mr. Walker. +Yeah? I didn't tell 'em anything. +This fella Beaumont, they say what happened to him? They told me. +What do you think it is? I think it's a gun pressing against my dick. +I think it's a gun pressing against my dick. You thought right... Now take your hands from around my throat, nigga. +What the hell you doin'? Shut your ass up and grab the wall! +Now, baby, that's got nothin' to do with you. I just carry that. You been listenin' to them cops too much. The cops didn't try and strangle my ass. +The cops didn't try and strangle my ass. Damn, Jackie, I was just playin' with you. +Damn, Jackie, I was just playin' with you. Well, I ain't playin with you. I'm gonna unload both these motherfuckers, you don't do what I tell you. Understand what I'm saying? +Well, I ain't playin with you. I'm gonna unload both these motherfuckers, you don't do what I tell you. Understand what I'm saying? Baby, I ain't come here -- She shoves both guns in Ordell's back. +Baby, I ain't come here -- She shoves both guns in Ordell's back. I said, you understand what I'm saying +I said, you understand what I'm saying I understand woman, damn! +I understand woman, damn! Go sit over in that chair. +I'm tellin' you, those cops been fuckin' wit your mind. They turn black against black, that's how they do. Shut your raggedy ass up and sit down. +I just came here to talk. Way I see it, me and you only got one thing to talk about. What you willing to do for me? +Let's get realistic, baby. Sooner or later they're gonna get around to offering me a plea deal, and you know that. That's why you came here to kill me. Baby, I didn't -- +Baby, I didn't -- It's okay. I forgive you. Now, let's say if I tell on you, I walk. And if I don't, I go to jail. +Yeah? One hundred thousand put in an escrow account in my name, if I'm convicted up to a year, or put on probation. If I have to do more than a year, you pay another hundred thousand. +I got a problem... All your money's in Mexico. +Yeah. I been thinkin about that, too, and I got me a idea. +I'll talk to the cops tomorrow and tell you if it's on. Talk to you tomorrow. +The Cockatoo Inn. The Cockatoo Inn? Where's that? +The Cockatoo Inn? Where's that? It's right on Hawthorne Boulevard and Manhattan Beach Boulevard. It's red brick... +It's right on Hawthorne Boulevard and Manhattan Beach Boulevard. It's red brick... Oh, wait, you mean that place that has the big sign with a rooster on it? +Oh, wait, you mean that place that has the big sign with a rooster on it? It's a cockatoo. +I bet you come here on a Saturday night, you need nigga repellent keep 'em off your ass. I do okay. +I do okay. You a fine lookin' woman, Jackie. I bet you do a damn sight better than okay. You think anybody followed you? +You a fine lookin' woman, Jackie. I bet you do a damn sight better than okay. You think anybody followed you? I don't think so, but it don't really matter. They know I'm meeting you. +I don't think so, but it don't really matter. They know I'm meeting you. How the fuck they know that? +How the fuck they know that? I told them. +You told em? You told em it's me? They already know it's you. +They already know it's you. Well, shit. That don't mean you gotta confirm it! +Well, shit. That don't mean you gotta confirm it! Look, the only way I can get permission to fly is if I agree to help them. Which is what I have to appear to be doing. So I give them something they already know. You. +Look, the only way I can get permission to fly is if I agree to help them. Which is what I have to appear to be doing. So I give them something they already know. You. Didja tell 'em anything else? +Didja tell 'em anything else? I told them you got a half a million dollars in Mexico, and you want me to bring it here. +You told them that? It's true, isn't it? +It's true, isn't it? What the fuck's that got to do with it? +What the fuck's that got to do with it? They know I'm delivering for you. I mention the half-million -- they don't give a fuck about that -- They want you with guns. So I say, well, if you want proof he's getting paid for selling them, let me bring the money in. +They know I'm delivering for you. I mention the half-million -- they don't give a fuck about that -- They want you with guns. So I say, well, if you want proof he's getting paid for selling them, let me bring the money in. What did they say? +...I make two deliveries. The first one with ten thousand, like a dry run. They watch it. See how it works. Then we do a second delivery, when I bring in the half mill. Naw, naw, that's too much exposure. I ain't goin anywhere near that money. +Naw, naw, that's too much exposure. I ain't goin anywhere near that money. You don't have to. I told 'em you're real careful. You never pick up money yourself. You always send someone, and I never know who it is. +You don't have to. I told 'em you're real careful. You never pick up money yourself. You always send someone, and I never know who it is. That's a good idea. +That's a good idea. If you just listen, you'll see it's a damn good idea. The first time I do it they're lurking about. They see me hand the ten thousand to someone. +If you just listen, you'll see it's a damn good idea. The first time I do it they're lurking about. They see me hand the ten thousand to someone. Who? +Who? I don't know. One of your friends. +I don't know. One of your friends. A woman. +A woman. If you want. +If you want. Yeah, I think a woman. +Yeah, I think a woman. The next trip, when I come with all the money, it'll look like I hand it to the same one I did before... +The next trip, when I come with all the money, it'll look like I hand it to the same one I did before... But you don't? +But you don't? No, I give it to someone else first. +No, I give it to someone else first. And they follow the wrong one thinkin' she's bringing it to me. +And they follow the wrong one thinkin' she's bringing it to me. That's the idea. +That's the idea. So we need two people, two women. +So we need two people, two women. Can you cover that? +Can you cover that? I got the woman covered. Where you thinkin' about doin' this? +I got the woman covered. Where you thinkin' about doin' this? I was thinkin' the Del Amo Mall. In the food court. +I was thinkin' the Del Amo Mall. In the food court. I suppose you see a piece of this for yourself? +I suppose you see a piece of this for yourself? Well, it's my plan. We're in this together. +Well, it's my plan. We're in this together. Yeah, but it's my money, and I don't need me a partner. +Yeah, but it's my money, and I don't need me a partner. I ain't your partner, I'm your manager. I'm managing to get your money out of Mexico, into America, in your hands, and I'm managing to do all this under the nose of the cops. That makes me your manager, and managers get fifteen percent. +I ain't your partner, I'm your manager. I'm managing to get your money out of Mexico, into America, in your hands, and I'm managing to do all this under the nose of the cops. That makes me your manager, and managers get fifteen percent. Managers get ten percent. +Managers get ten percent. That's an agent. Manager's get fifteen percent. +That's an agent. Manager's get fifteen percent. I'll give ya ten. +I'll give ya ten. Plus the same deal as before. +Plus the same deal as before. I can do that. +The money's in a Broadway shopping bag. I get some food, and sit down here in the food court. Then your girl comes -- you got somebody yet? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Who? +Who? What'd you care? +What'd you care? Look, it's my ass facin' the penitentiary. You send some hard- headed roc whore, and she fucks things up. +Look, it's my ass facin' the penitentiary. You send some hard- headed roc whore, and she fucks things up. I ain't gonna send no roc whore. The woman's cool, I promise. +Drink? I need to talk to you alone. +I don't want no more fuckin' surprises. We do this the way I laid it out, or we don't do it at all. What the hell you talkin' bout? +What the hell you talkin' bout? Sheronda passin' the money onto someone else, that's what the hell I'm talkin' 'bout. +Sheronda passin' the money onto someone else, that's what the hell I'm talkin' 'bout. How do you know she did that? +How do you know she did that? I was there, I saw her do it. +I was there, I saw her do it. Well, you weren't supposed to be there. +Well, you weren't supposed to be there. I know, but I hung around, 'cause I figured you'd try an' pull some shit like this. +I know, but I hung around, 'cause I figured you'd try an' pull some shit like this. Now, hold on there. I ain't pullin' no shit. It's my money, I can do whatever the fuck I wanna do with it. +Now, hold on there. I ain't pullin' no shit. It's my money, I can do whatever the fuck I wanna do with it. Not when it's my ass on the line you don't. We do this my way or fuck it. +Nicolet and Dargus stop me at the airport and mark the bills. Man, I don't like that part. +Man, I don't like that part. It washes off. I tell them we're doing it the same way as before. They'll follow Sheronda. I hate the idea of leaving her for a fall. +It washes off. I tell them we're doing it the same way as before. They'll follow Sheronda. I hate the idea of leaving her for a fall. She won't have no problems 'cause she don't know nothin'. +She won't have no problems 'cause she don't know nothin'. Are you sure she don't know about the money? +Are you sure she don't know about the money? She don't know shit about the money. +She don't know shit about the money. What does she think she's gettin? +What does she think she's gettin? I told her this is a game us rich folks play, exchanging gifts. Like a scavenger hunt. She didn't know what that was neither. No answer? +No, you gonna give her a Robinson's/May bag this time? Right, the one Simone gives me. Simone and I'll make the switch at Robinson's/May. She knows what I look like? +Right, the one Simone gives me. Simone and I'll make the switch at Robinson's/May. She knows what I look like? She saw you with Sheronda. So Simone goes to the dress department with her Robinson's/May bag. +She saw you with Sheronda. So Simone goes to the dress department with her Robinson's/May bag. Designer clothes. +Designer clothes. She waits for you to go in the place where you try things on. +She waits for you to go in the place where you try things on. The fitting room. There's a sign over the door. +So you come out with her Robinson's/May bag, go meet Sheronda. Simone peeks out, waits for my man Louis here to give her a signal nobody's watchin'. She leaves the store, gets in her car -- mission accomplished. Where you gonna be during all this? +Where you gonna be during all this? I'm gonna be sittin' at the titty bar In downtown L.A. till my man over here calls me and gives me the O.K. sign. +Who's paging you? Ray, the A.T.F. guy. +Ray, the A.T.F. guy. That works on my nerves, you bein' so buddy-buddy with him. +That works on my nerves, you bein' so buddy-buddy with him. If I wasn't, this wouldn't work. Now once I deliver I'll have to trust you. +If I wasn't, this wouldn't work. Now once I deliver I'll have to trust you. Well, I've been trusting you all this time, haven't I? We agreed on ten percent of what you bring in and that's what you gonna get. +And a hundred thousand if I go to jail. We're partners, Baby, sorta. I ain't gonna screw you. You haven't told me where I put it for you. +Give it to the bail bondsman, Max Cherry. He'll take care of it. Max Cherry? You and him friends now? You tell him about this shit? +Max Cherry? You and him friends now? You tell him about this shit? He won't know where the money came from. Only that it's money. +It's boring, isn't it? I can sit through it once. +I can sit through it once. He thinks he's Joe Gunn now. +He thinks he's Joe Gunn now. I'm impressed. He knows a lot. +I'm impressed. He knows a lot. He's just repeating shit he overheard. He ain't any more a gun expert than I am. +Want a hit? Sure. +When did you get out of jail? Four days ago. +Four days ago. Where at? +Where at? Susanville. +Susanville. How long? +How long? Two months shy of four years. +Two months shy of four years. Four years? +Four years? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. What for? +What for? Bank robbery. +Bank robbery. Really, I'm impressed. +Is it ready to go? Yeah, there's another hit left. +You okay? Yeah, I'm just gettin' old. I can't smoke or laugh now it seems without coughing. +Yeah, I'm just gettin' old. I can't smoke or laugh now it seems without coughing. Coughing opens up the capillaries. When you cough, you're getting air -- in this case smoke -- to parts of the lung that don't normally get used. Coughing's good -- gets ya higher. My dad coughs when he smokes all the time. +Want a Metrix? What's a Metrix? +It's like this major meal in a shake you drink instead of having a big meal. It's a diet thing? +It's a diet thing? No, it's what body builders drink to beef up. +No, it's what body builders drink to beef up. No thanks. +Which one? The roller disco one. +The roller disco one. Fourteen. +You're fourteen years old here? Yeah. +Yeah. I thought you were sixteen. +I thought you were sixteen. I was pretty much the same height now as I was then. +I was pretty much the same height now as I was then. Were you a disco girl? +Were you a disco girl? Noooo, I was a surfer girl. Besides, I was only fourteen. I couldn't go to discos. +Noooo, I was a surfer girl. Besides, I was only fourteen. I couldn't go to discos. So where did you go? +So where did you go? The beach. Or get high, drop acid at a friend's place. I was a K.L.O.S. girl. I hated disco. +"That was taken at a place called ""Flippers."" It was in Hollywood. Were you in L.A. back then?" No. +No. Where were you? +Where were you? Detroit. +Detroit. With Ordell? +With Ordell? We had done time together already. +Were you a disco guy? No. +No. C'mon, don't lie. +C'mon, don't lie. I don't like dancing. +I don't like dancing. Did you ever go I one? +Did you ever go I one? I went to a few just to meet women. But I don't like to dance, and it's so fuckin; loud. During that whole scene I just drank in bars. Who didn't make the cut? +I went to a few just to meet women. But I don't like to dance, and it's so fuckin; loud. During that whole scene I just drank in bars. Who didn't make the cut? That's a picture of me in Japan. +That's a picture of me in Japan. You been to Japan? +You been to Japan? I lived there for about nine months. +I lived there for about nine months. You lived in Japan, when? +You lived in Japan, when? About five years ago. +About five years ago. Who's arm is that? +Who's arm is that? That's the guy I lived with... his name was... Hirosh. +That's the guy I lived with... his name was... Hirosh. Must of made quite an impression. +Must of made quite an impression. I never got to know him, really. I couldn't speak Japanese, and his English was terrible. But I couldn't say anything, because his English was better than my Japanese. +I never got to know him, really. I couldn't speak Japanese, and his English was terrible. But I couldn't say anything, because his English was better than my Japanese. That sounds like a problem. +That sounds like a problem. Not really. We didn't have much to say to each other anyway. I never got to know him that well, but I knew enough to know I wasn't missing much. I keep that, because of all the fuckin' time I was there, that's the only picture I got of me in Japan. That's Japan. +Wanna fuck? Sure. +Yeah, that really hit the spot. Now that's over, let's get to know each other. +Is it dead? Yeah. +Well, so far he is. But you have to admit he's not too bright. I wouldn't go so far as to say that. +He killed a man worked for him the other night. So what are you trying to tell me? I should get out of here? +That's not what I'm saying at all. You know where he went? No. +No. He went to meet that stewardess. +He went to meet that stewardess. Does that bother you? +Please. You live with him. +You live with him. I live here. He drops in and out. He tell you about that half-million dollars he's got in Mexico? +I live here. He drops in and out. He tell you about that half-million dollars he's got in Mexico? Uh-huh? +Uh-huh? Course he did, he tells everybody who'll listen. That's what he's doin' with this stewardess. He's scheming how he can get it over here. +Course he did, he tells everybody who'll listen. That's what he's doin' with this stewardess. He's scheming how he can get it over here. And your point is? +And your point is? Let him and that stewardess get that money over here... +Let him and that stewardess get that money over here... Uh-huh? +Uh-huh? ...and just take it from him. +We're leaving now! All right already. +Jesus Christ, get a grip, Louis. We shoulda been there already and we woulda been if it hadn't been for your fuckin' around! +That's a nice outfit on her. I'm gonna go over and look at this Michi Moon display. Just stay right fuckin' here, all right? +Just stay right fuckin' here, all right? Are you sweating? +What are you doin'? I'm getting out of here. What do you think? +I'm getting out of here. What do you think? Lemme have the bag. +Lemme have the bag. Fuck you. I can carry it. +Goddam you. Gimme that bag, Watch it, dipshit. You wanna rip the fuckin' bag? +Watch it, dipshit. You wanna rip the fuckin' bag? Gimme that bag before I knock you out and take it. +I'm carrying it. Okay, you got it. Just take a chill pill, for christ sake. +Is it this aisle, Lou-is? Yeah, down the end. +Yeah, down the end. You sure? +Is it this aisle or the next one over? This one. +This one. You sure? +I mean it. Don't say one fuckin' word. Okay, Lou-is. +Thanks, Baby. Who's your partner? +"See, what did I tell you? Man in New York wants a 9 millimeter Smith and Wesson Model 5946. Why does he want it? It's the gun that nigga on ""New York Undercover"" uses. Because of that nigga, I can sell it to this nigga for twelve-fifty." What's your cost? +What's your cost? As low as two. +As low as two. Are you serious? +Are you serious? That's what I been tellin' you. Start adding these motherfuckin' figures up, and you tell me this ain't a business to be in. +I got me five M-60 machine guns. These came straight from the Gulf War. I sold me three of them so far, twenty grand a piece. That's good money. +That's good money. Louis, this is it, man. I'm gonna make me a million dollars out of this. I already got me a half-a- million sittin' in Mexico. When I do this last delivery, I'm gonna make me another half-million. +Louis, this is it, man. I'm gonna make me a million dollars out of this. I already got me a half-a- million sittin' in Mexico. When I do this last delivery, I'm gonna make me another half-million. Then what? +Then what? I get out. Spend the rest of my life spending. +I'm going to wait in the car. Sure. We almost done, ain't we? +Take the keys, man. Listen to music. Which one is for the car? +This one's for the ignition... ...but you gotta hit this thing to shut the alarm off and unlock the door. What do I do? +What do I do? "You ain't got to do nothing. Just point at it and push the button. You'll hear the car go ""bleep."" That means the alarm's off and the doors are open." +"You ain't got to do nothing. Just point at it and push the button. You'll hear the car go ""bleep."" That means the alarm's off and the doors are open." Okay. +Okay. Now play the volume as loud as you want but don't touch my levels. I got them set just the way I want 'em. +Louis, my man. Watcha doin'? Oh, I dunno. Watching TV. +Oh, I dunno. Watching TV. Whatcha watchin'? +Whatcha watchin'? Nothin' really. Just kinda goin' back and forth. They had some black girl from some black show on Jay Leno. I watched that for a bit, but I kept flippin channels cause I didn't know who she was. +Nothin' really. Just kinda goin' back and forth. They had some black girl from some black show on Jay Leno. I watched that for a bit, but I kept flippin channels cause I didn't know who she was. Guess where I am? +Guess where I am? I dunno. +I dunno. I know you don't know. I said guess. +I know you don't know. I said guess. The moon -- I dunno +The moon -- I dunno I'm talkin' to you from the comfy- cozy interior of an Oldsmobile parked outside your nasty-ass welfare motel. +I'm talkin' to you from the comfy- cozy interior of an Oldsmobile parked outside your nasty-ass welfare motel. You're outside? +You're outside? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. C'mon in. +C'mon in. Naw, man. I just told you, I'm comfortable. I ain't about to walk into that roach motel and get uncomfortable. You bring your ass out here. +Naw, man. I just told you, I'm comfortable. I ain't about to walk into that roach motel and get uncomfortable. You bring your ass out here. I'm in my underwear. +I'm in my underwear. Then put your goddam drawers on, and get your ass out here. I got somethin' to show you. +Who was that? That was Beaumont. +That was Beaumont. Who was Beaumont? +Who was Beaumont? An employee I had to let go. +An employee I had to let go. What did he do? +What did he do? He put himself in a situation where he was gonna have to do ten years in the penetentiary, that's what he did. And if you know Beaumont, you know there ain't no way in hell he can do no ten years. And if you know that, you know Beaumont's gonna go any goddam thing Beaumont can to keep from doin' those ten years including telling the Federal government everything they want to know about my ass. Now that, my friend, is a clear case of him or me. And you best believe it ain't gonna be me. You know what I'm sayin'? You gonna come in on this with me, you gotta be prepared to go all the way. I got me so far over a half-a-million dollars sittin' in lockboxes in a bank in Cabo San Lucas. Me and Mr. Walker make us one more delivery, I'm gonna have me over a million. You think I'm gonna let this little cheese eatin' nigga here fuck that up? Shit, you better think again. 'Fore I let this deal get fucked up, I'll shoot that nigga in the head, and ten niggas look just like em. Understand what I'm sayin'? +He put himself in a situation where he was gonna have to do ten years in the penetentiary, that's what he did. And if you know Beaumont, you know there ain't no way in hell he can do no ten years. And if you know that, you know Beaumont's gonna go any goddam thing Beaumont can to keep from doin' those ten years including telling the Federal government everything they want to know about my ass. Now that, my friend, is a clear case of him or me. And you best believe it ain't gonna be me. You know what I'm sayin'? You gonna come in on this with me, you gotta be prepared to go all the way. I got me so far over a half-a-million dollars sittin' in lockboxes in a bank in Cabo San Lucas. Me and Mr. Walker make us one more delivery, I'm gonna have me over a million. You think I'm gonna let this little cheese eatin' nigga here fuck that up? Shit, you better think again. 'Fore I let this deal get fucked up, I'll shoot that nigga in the head, and ten niggas look just like em. Understand what I'm sayin'? Yeah. +Yeah. So we on the same page then? +So we on the same page then? I follow. +I didn't look like a bum. But you did have a Salvation Army- thing going. +How much is there? Over half-million dollars worth of merchandise. +Can I ask you about Melanie? Sure. +Sure. What's your relationship? +What's your relationship? She one of the women I got set up. I got Melanie in Hermosa Beach. I rent Simone a small house in Compton, and about four blocks away I got me this nineteen-year-old country girl named Sheronda. I found her waitin' for a bus two days outta Alabama, barefoot, country as a chicken coop. Took her to my house in Compton, told her it was Hollywood. +She one of the women I got set up. I got Melanie in Hermosa Beach. I rent Simone a small house in Compton, and about four blocks away I got me this nineteen-year-old country girl named Sheronda. I found her waitin' for a bus two days outta Alabama, barefoot, country as a chicken coop. Took her to my house in Compton, told her it was Hollywood. She believed you? +She believed you? Hell, yeah. To her dumb country ass, Compton is Hollywood. Close as she's ever been, anyway. +"If this is about you fucked Melanie, I don't give a damn. I ain't a fool. I leave you alone with a bitch like Melanie, you're gonna be fuckin' that twenty minutes after I'm out the door. So say ""thank you"" and I'll tell you, ""you're welcome.""" That's not what I meant when I asked did you trust her. +She tryin' to work your ass against me, ain't she? Yep. +Yep. You didn't even hafta say it. I know the woman. +You didn't even hafta say it. I know the woman. Well, why the fuck keep her around? +Well, why the fuck keep her around? 'Cause she my fine little surfer gal. She can't do me no harm. Fact she think she can play you against me shows how little she knows. You could teach that bitch for days how it is 'tween me an you, she never understand a damn word. +'Cause she my fine little surfer gal. She can't do me no harm. Fact she think she can play you against me shows how little she knows. You could teach that bitch for days how it is 'tween me an you, she never understand a damn word. Why do you let someone know your business you can't trust? +Why do you let someone know your business you can't trust? I don't hafta trust her, I know her. +I don't hafta trust her, I know her. What does that mean? +What does that mean? You can't trust Melanie. But you can always trust Melanie to be Melanie. +I still don't understand why you keep her around. I told you, man. She my fine little surfer gal. +Uh-huh. Hang it up, she's on her way. You gotta listen to this. This involves you. +Well, you the one in motherfuckin' charge. Well, she keeps saying 'in a minute.' +Well, she keeps saying 'in a minute.' Go in there, snatch her by the hair, and drag her big ass out. This is my goddam money we're talking about. Get your ass out the door. +It's Louis. Did you get it? +Did you get it? I got it. Listen, there's something else I have to tell you. +I got it. Listen, there's something else I have to tell you. When I see you. Pick me up at Sam's. You count the money? +When I see you. Pick me up at Sam's. You count the money? I haven't even looked at it yet, it's still in the shopping bag. +I haven't even looked at it yet, it's still in the shopping bag. Melanie must be dyin' to see it. Louis. +Melanie must be dyin' to see it. Louis. That's what I got to talk to you about. You see, Melanie was giving me a hard time -- +That's what I got to talk to you about. You see, Melanie was giving me a hard time -- Not now, pick me up. +You keep drivin' down Ninth, to where they got all them car dealerships. We're gonna leave this heap in a parking lot and get one the cops don't know about. Hey, where's Melanie? "That's what I gotta tell you. She bugged me the whole time. Got pissy with me 'cause I wouldn't let her carry the bag. Started running her fuckin' mouth... I couldn't remember right away when we came out where the car was parked, so she got on me about that. ""Is it this aisle Lou- is, is it that one?"" She was totally fuckin' with my nerves." +"That's what I gotta tell you. She bugged me the whole time. Got pissy with me 'cause I wouldn't let her carry the bag. Started running her fuckin' mouth... I couldn't remember right away when we came out where the car was parked, so she got on me about that. ""Is it this aisle Lou- is, is it that one?"" She was totally fuckin' with my nerves." So what, you left her there. +So what, you left her there. I shot her. +You shot Melanie? Twice. In the parking lot. +Twice. In the parking lot. Couldn't talk to her? +Couldn't talk to her? You know how she is. +You know how she is. You couldn't just hit her? +You couldn't just hit her? Maybe... but at that moment... I dunno... +Maybe... but at that moment... I dunno... You shot her twice? +You shot her twice? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. So you're sure she's dead. +So you're sure she's dead. Pretty sure. +Pretty sure. Where did you shoot her? +Where did you shoot her? In the chest and stomach. +In the chest and stomach. Well, if you had to do it, you had to do it. What we don't want is that bitch surviving on us. Anybody but that woman. +Louis? What? +What? Where's the rest of it? +Where's the rest of it? How much it there? +How much it there? Maybe forty, maybe not that much. +Maybe forty, maybe not that much. You said five hundred and fifty! +You said five hundred and fifty! So you light, ain't you. You light about a half-a-million. +So you light, ain't you. You light about a half-a-million. Look, that's the bag she came out with. She never even put her hand in it, and neither did I. +Look, that's the bag she came out with. She never even put her hand in it, and neither did I. Came outta where? +Came outta where? The fitting room. It went down exactly the way it was supposed to. +The fitting room. It went down exactly the way it was supposed to. How long was she in there? +How long was she in there? Maybe a minute. She came right out. +Maybe a minute. She came right out. Louis, You tellin' me the truth? +Louis, You tellin' me the truth? Look, I swear to fucking god, she came out with that bag and I took it from her. +Look, I swear to fucking god, she came out with that bag and I took it from her. Then what? +Then what? We went to the parking lot. +We went to the parking lot. Where you shot her. +Where you shot her. That's right. +That's right. You sure she ain't somewhere with a half-a-million dollars I worked my ass off to earn? +You sure she ain't somewhere with a half-a-million dollars I worked my ass off to earn? Fuck you for asking me that. +Fuck you for asking me that. Pull the car over. +What'd you shoot her with? It's in there. +Okay, so it was Jackie Brown. If she's got it, why didn't she take it all? +If she's got it, why didn't she take it all? 'fore I blow that bitch's brains out, I'll ask her. +'fore I blow that bitch's brains out, I'll ask her. Maybe the Feds got it. +Maybe the Feds got it. If there were nothin; in here but towels, maybe she didn't get a chance to take it from her suitcase and A.T.F. got it. But, she put these fuckin' books in here to trick our ass. +If there were nothin; in here but towels, maybe she didn't get a chance to take it from her suitcase and A.T.F. got it. But, she put these fuckin' books in here to trick our ass. That's why I never checked it. The bag felt right. +That's why I never checked it. The bag felt right. Then she throws forty thousand in here, to rub the shit in my face, know what I'm saying? She wants me to know she ripped me off. +Then she throws forty thousand in here, to rub the shit in my face, know what I'm saying? She wants me to know she ripped me off. I don't know. Either she has it or the Feds. +I don't know. Either she has it or the Feds. Or... ...she gave it to somebody else first, before Melanie went in the dressing room. +Jesus Christ. What? +What? You know who I saw in the dress department? +You know who I saw in the dress department? Tell me. +Tell me. I didn't really think anything of it. No -- I did wonder what he was doing there, but didn't think it had anything to do with us. You know like maybe he was there with his wife or girlfriend. +I didn't really think anything of it. No -- I did wonder what he was doing there, but didn't think it had anything to do with us. You know like maybe he was there with his wife or girlfriend. You gonna tell me who it was? +You gonna tell me who it was? Max Cherry. +You see Max Cherry in the dress department. We're about to be handed half-a-million dollars -- Man, look at me when I'm talking to you! And you don't think nothing of him being there! Do Max Cherry and Jackie Brown know each other? +Do Max Cherry and Jackie Brown know each other? Hell, yes, they know each other. He bonded her out of county. +Hell, yes, they know each other. He bonded her out of county. How am I supposed to know that? +How am I supposed to know that? You know the motherfucker's a bail bondsman, don't ya? You know every last one of them motherfuckers is crooked as hell? +You know the motherfucker's a bail bondsman, don't ya? You know every last one of them motherfuckers is crooked as hell? Why should I think anything's weird, if I don't know nothin' about them knowing each other? +Why should I think anything's weird, if I don't know nothin' about them knowing each other? Man, I don't want to hear your fuckin' excuses! +I ain't givin' you fuckin' excuses, I'm givin' you reasons. Oh, you gonna tell me the reason you lost all the goddam money I got in the world! Let me tell you the reason, motherfucker! The reason is, your ass ain't worth a shit no more! +I'm going out for a few hours. Hold on a minute. Where you going? +Hold on a minute. Where you going? I'm going to Del Amo, see a movie, get something to eat. +I'm going to Del Amo, see a movie, get something to eat. Watcha gonna see? +Watcha gonna see? Whatever looks best and starts the soonest. +Whatever looks best and starts the soonest. Have fun. +You're right, that was Ordell. You have time, you think you could find out for me where he's staying? Cops can't locate him, huh? +Cops can't locate him, huh? They don't have your winning personality. +They don't have your winning personality. Sure thing. I don't have to know what I'm doing, long as you know. +Sure thing. I don't have to know what I'm doing, long as you know. I think I do. Is that good enough? +How can I help you? Where would you like me to put my ash? +That's Winston. He works here. He's a big one. You two tight? +He's a big one. You two tight? Yeah. +Yeah. It was our idea to take the picture, wasn't it? +So, you want a ten-thousand dollar bond. What've you got for collateral? Gonna have to put up cash. +Gonna have to put up cash. You have it with you? +It's in my bag. You have cash. What do you need me for? +You have cash. What do you need me for? C'mon, you know how they do. Black man comes in with ten thousand, they wanna fuck with 'em. First off, they gonna wanna know where I got it. Second, they gonna keep a big chunk of it -- start talkin' that court cost shit. Fuck that shit, Jack. I'll go through you. +C'mon, you know how they do. Black man comes in with ten thousand, they wanna fuck with 'em. First off, they gonna wanna know where I got it. Second, they gonna keep a big chunk of it -- start talkin' that court cost shit. Fuck that shit, Jack. I'll go through you. Cost you a thousand for the bond. +Cost you a thousand for the bond. I know that. +Who's it for? A relative? "Fella named Beaumont. They have him up at county. It started out drunk driving, but they wrote it up ""possession of a concealed weapon."" Dumb monkey-ass had a pistol on him." +"Fella named Beaumont. They have him up at county. It started out drunk driving, but they wrote it up ""possession of a concealed weapon."" Dumb monkey-ass had a pistol on him." Ten thousand sounds high. +Ten thousand sounds high. They ran his name and got a hit. He's been in before. +He takes off and I gotta go to Kentucky to bring him back, you pay the expenses. You think you could do that? +What's his full name? Beaumont. That's the only name I know. +Getting there. You go wait in the car. Wait a minute. +Beaumont Livingston. Livingston, huh? +Livingston, huh? On his prior, he served nine months, and he's working on four years' probation. +On his prior, he served nine months, and he's working on four years' probation. You don't say. +You don't say. Do you know what he's on probation for? +Do you know what he's on probation for? Haven't a clue. +Haven't a clue. Possession of unregistered machine guns. +Possession of unregistered machine guns. Will they consider this a violation of his probation? +Will they consider this a violation of his probation? They do consider this a violation of his probation. Your boy's looking at ten years, plus the concealed weapon. +They do consider this a violation of his probation. Your boy's looking at ten years, plus the concealed weapon. Man, he won't like that. Beaumont don't got a doin' time disposition. +Man, he won't like that. Beaumont don't got a doin' time disposition. I need your name and address. +I need your name and address. Ordell Robbie. O-R-D-E-L-L. R-O-B-B- I-E. 1436 Florence Boulevard. Compton 90222. +Ordell Robbie. O-R-D-E-L-L. R-O-B-B- I-E. 1436 Florence Boulevard. Compton 90222. House or apartment? +House or apartment? House. +House. Now I need you to count your money. +Across the street a Great Western. It goes in a trust account. You'll need to fill out an Application for Appearance Bond, an Indemnity Agreement, a Contingent Promissory Note. That's the one, if Beaumont skips and I go after him, you pay the expenses. Beaumont ain't going nowhere. Where do I sign? +Hey, Max. Yes. +Yes. I was wondering. What if before the court date gets here, Beaumont gets hit by a bus or something and dies. I get my money back, don't I? +Comfortable? The door was opened, so I just came right in. +The door was opened, so I just came right in. I can see that. Why? +I can see that. Why? I got some more business for ya. +I got some more business for ya. Oh, yeah? What did he do? +Oh, yeah? What did he do? She is an airline stewardess. Got caught coming back from Mexico with some blow. They set her bond this afternoon at ten thousand. Now, what I was thinkin', you could use the ten thousand you owe me from Beaumont and move it over on to the stewardess. +She is an airline stewardess. Got caught coming back from Mexico with some blow. They set her bond this afternoon at ten thousand. Now, what I was thinkin', you could use the ten thousand you owe me from Beaumont and move it over on to the stewardess. The bond for possession is only a thousand. +The bond for possession is only a thousand. They fuckin' wit' her. They callin' it Possession with Intent. A black woman in her forties gets busted with less than two ounces on her, they call that shit Intent. Same shit happened to a movie star. It's Possession. +They fuckin' wit' her. They callin' it Possession with Intent. A black woman in her forties gets busted with less than two ounces on her, they call that shit Intent. Same shit happened to a movie star. It's Possession. It still sounds high. +It still sounds high. She had, I believe it was... fifty grand on her, too. There was a cop at the hearing. Young guy with L.A.P.D. wanted her bond set at twenty- five thousand, saying there was a risk of flight. Jackie being a stewardess and all. +She had, I believe it was... fifty grand on her, too. There was a cop at the hearing. Young guy with L.A.P.D. wanted her bond set at twenty- five thousand, saying there was a risk of flight. Jackie being a stewardess and all. Before we start talking about stewardess, let's get Beaumont out of the way first. +Somebody already did. What? +What? You didn't hear? +You didn't hear? Hear what? +Hear what? Somebody with a grudge blew Beaumont's brains out -- hey, that rhymes -- blew Beaumont's brains out. +Somebody with a grudge blew Beaumont's brains out -- hey, that rhymes -- blew Beaumont's brains out. Did the police contact you? +Did the police contact you? Very first motherfuckin' thing they did. They see I put up a big money bond on my boy, they start thinking with that where-there's-smoke-there's fire logic. They roust my ass outta bed, ten o'clock in the morning. Fuckin' scare my woman, Sherona, half to death. She thought they were gonna take my ass away for sure. +Very first motherfuckin' thing they did. They see I put up a big money bond on my boy, they start thinking with that where-there's-smoke-there's fire logic. They roust my ass outta bed, ten o'clock in the morning. Fuckin' scare my woman, Sherona, half to death. She thought they were gonna take my ass away for sure. The stewardess. Do you know her last name? +The stewardess. Do you know her last name? Brown, Jackie Brown. +Brown, Jackie Brown. What does she do for you? +What does she do for you? Who says she does anything for me? She's my friend. When my friends get into trouble, I like to help 'em out. +Who says she does anything for me? She's my friend. When my friends get into trouble, I like to help 'em out. Beaumont worked for you. +Beaumont worked for you. That's what the police thought. I told them I'm unemployed, how could I have anybody work for me? Now I bail out Jackie, I'm liable to have the police on me again, huh? Wanting to know was she doing things for me, was she bringing me that money! +That's what the police thought. I told them I'm unemployed, how could I have anybody work for me? Now I bail out Jackie, I'm liable to have the police on me again, huh? Wanting to know was she doing things for me, was she bringing me that money! Was she? +Was she? Is this, me and you, like a lawyer- client relationship? The lawyer can't tell nothing he hears? +Is this, me and you, like a lawyer- client relationship? The lawyer can't tell nothing he hears? You're not my client until you get busted and I bond you out. +You're not my client until you get busted and I bond you out. If there's no -- what do you call it -- confidentiality between us? Why would I tell you anything? +If there's no -- what do you call it -- confidentiality between us? Why would I tell you anything? Cause you want me to know what a slick guy you are. You got stewardesses bringing you fifty grand. +Cause you want me to know what a slick guy you are. You got stewardesses bringing you fifty grand. Why would a stewardess bring me fifty grand? +Why would a stewardess bring me fifty grand? You want me to speculate on what you do. I'd say you're in the drug business, except the money's moving in the wrong direction. Whatever you're into, you seem to be getting away with it, so more power to you. Okay you want another bond, and you want to move over the ten thousand you put down on Beaumont to the stewardess. That means paperwork. I have to get a death certificate, present it to the court, fill out a receipt for return of bond collateral, then type up another application. An indemnity agreement -- +You want me to speculate on what you do. I'd say you're in the drug business, except the money's moving in the wrong direction. Whatever you're into, you seem to be getting away with it, so more power to you. Okay you want another bond, and you want to move over the ten thousand you put down on Beaumont to the stewardess. That means paperwork. I have to get a death certificate, present it to the court, fill out a receipt for return of bond collateral, then type up another application. An indemnity agreement -- Jackie ain't got time for all that shit -- +Jackie ain't got time for all that shit -- I'm telling you what I have to do. What you have to do, in case you forgot, is come up with premium of a thousand bucks. +I'm telling you what I have to do. What you have to do, in case you forgot, is come up with premium of a thousand bucks. I got it. I just don't got it on me. +I got it. I just don't got it on me. Well, come back when you do, and I'll bond out the stewardess. +Well, come back when you do, and I'll bond out the stewardess. Man, you know I'm good for it. Thousand bucks ain't shit. +Man, you know I'm good for it. Thousand bucks ain't shit. If I don't see it in front of me, you're right. It ain't shit. +If I don't see it in front of me, you're right. It ain't shit. Man, you need to look at this with a little compassion. Jackie ain't no criminal. She ain't used to this kinda treatment. I mean, gangsters don't give a fuck -- but for the average citizen, coupla nights in County fuck with your mind. +Man, you need to look at this with a little compassion. Jackie ain't no criminal. She ain't used to this kinda treatment. I mean, gangsters don't give a fuck -- but for the average citizen, coupla nights in County fuck with your mind. Ordell, this isn't a bar, an you don't have a tab. +Ordell, this isn't a bar, an you don't have a tab. Just listen for a second. We got a forty-year-old, gainfully employed black woman, falsely accused -- +Just listen for a second. We got a forty-year-old, gainfully employed black woman, falsely accused -- Falsely accused? She didn't come back from Mexico with cocaine on her? +Falsely accused? She didn't come back from Mexico with cocaine on her? "Falsely accused of Intent. If she had that shit -- and mind you, I said ""if"" -- it was just her shit to get high with." +"Falsely accused of Intent. If she had that shit -- and mind you, I said ""if"" -- it was just her shit to get high with." Is white guilt supposed to make me forget I'm running a business? +Where is it? Is that what I think it is? +What's up with this shit. I think falling in live with movie stars is something that happens to a man as he gets older. +You know who this is? Mister Robbie, isn't it? I have the ten thousand you put up. Isn't that why you called. +The bond collateral on Beaumont Livingston you moved over to cover Miss Brown, remember? She got off, huh? +She got off, huh? They decided to no-file. Tell me where you are and I'll bring you your money. +You still there? Looky here, I know you helped her and I know you know what I want. Jackie can tell me any story come in that pretty head of hers. Long as at the end of that story, she hands over my money. She do that, we're still friends. Now, she don't wanna be my friend no more, tell her to think about ol' Louis. And if she tries to turn me in, I'll name her ass as my accessory. We'll go upstate together. Hand in handcuffed hand. Now that shit's a promise, understand what I'm sayin'? You tell her that, and I'll call you back. +What the fuck you doin' knockin on the door like the goddamn police? You lookin' to get shot? I thought you might be asleep. +I thought you might be asleep. You keep fuckin' with me, you're gonna be asleep forever. +I'm alone. Git your ass in here. +That's all? I have a bond receipt for you to sign. +I have a bond receipt for you to sign. You know what the fuck I'm talkin' about. You talk to her? +You know what the fuck I'm talkin' about. You talk to her? She wants to give you your money. If she didn't, there'd be cops batter- ramming the door right now. +She wants to give you your money. If she didn't, there'd be cops batter- ramming the door right now. How'd you find me? +How'd you find me? Winston found you. +Winston found you. How the fuck did he find me? +How the fuck did he find me? That's what Winston does. He finds people who don't want to be found. +That's what Winston does. He finds people who don't want to be found. Well, bully for that nigga. You say she wants to give me the money, huh? +Well, bully for that nigga. You say she wants to give me the money, huh? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Well, give it to me then. +Well, give it to me then. She wants to give it to you herself and collect her ten percent. She also wants to explain why she had to hold on to it. +She wants to give it to you herself and collect her ten percent. She also wants to explain why she had to hold on to it. I'd like to hear that too. Turn around and put your hands on your head. +Jackie didn't trust Melanie. She'd already tried to get Jackie to go in with her, split the half million amongst themselves. What she did was take quite a risk to see you get your money. Lift up your pant leg. You help her? +Lift up your pant leg. You help her? All I did was walk out with it. +All I did was walk out with it. And you did that to protect my interest? +And you did that to protect my interest? In a way, yes. +In a way, yes. My ass be dumb, but I'm not a dumbass. Go sit over there on the couch. +This place stinks. You get used to it after a while. Now tell me where my money's at. +You get used to it after a while. Now tell me where my money's at. My office. +My office. And where's Jackie? +And where's Jackie? She's been there since Thursday night. +She's been there since Thursday night. She wanted to see me, why wasn't she home? +She wanted to see me, why wasn't she home? She was afraid. +She was afraid. That I gotta see. +That I gotta see. She still is. She doesn't want to get shot before she can tell you what happened. +She still is. She doesn't want to get shot before she can tell you what happened. Have her bring the money here. +Have her bring the money here. It's in the safe. She can't get at it. +It's in the safe. She can't get at it. Call her, tell her the combination. +Call her, tell her the combination. I'm telling you, you got her spooked. She won't leave there till you have your money and you're gone. +I'm telling you, you got her spooked. She won't leave there till you have your money and you're gone. You expect me to just walk in there? +You expect me to just walk in there? If she wanted to set you up, you'd be in custody right now. When you said you'd name her as an accessory she believed you. That scares her more than anything. +If she wanted to set you up, you'd be in custody right now. When you said you'd name her as an accessory she believed you. That scares her more than anything. That's why she's givin' up my money huh? Not that bullshit about Melanie. I didn't trust her ass neither, but I knew how to handle her. She was my blonde-headed little surfer gal. I fuckin' told Louis he could've just given her a punch in the mouth, he didn't need to shoot her. She's at your office. +That's why she's givin' up my money huh? Not that bullshit about Melanie. I didn't trust her ass neither, but I knew how to handle her. She was my blonde-headed little surfer gal. I fuckin' told Louis he could've just given her a punch in the mouth, he didn't need to shoot her. She's at your office. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. By herself. That big mandingo nigga Winston ain't there, is he? +By herself. That big mandingo nigga Winston ain't there, is he? She's all alone. +She's all alone. I call your office, she better answer the phone. +I call your office, she better answer the phone. She will. +It's the next street. I know where it is. +I know where it is. Turn left. +Turn left. I know where to turn. +My money's in that office, right? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. She starts givin' me some bullshit about it ain't there. It's somewhere else and we can go get it. I'm shootin' you in the head right then and there. Then I'm gonna shoot her in the kneecap, find out where my godamn money is. I go walkin' in there and that nigga Winston or anybody else is in there, you're the first man shot, understand what I'm sayin'? +She starts givin' me some bullshit about it ain't there. It's somewhere else and we can go get it. I'm shootin' you in the head right then and there. Then I'm gonna shoot her in the kneecap, find out where my godamn money is. I go walkin' in there and that nigga Winston or anybody else is in there, you're the first man shot, understand what I'm sayin'? Yeah. +Yeah. Now, is there anything you want to tell me before we get out of this car? +Now, is there anything you want to tell me before we get out of this car? No. +No. You sure? +You sure? Yes. +Yes. You better be, motherfucker. +Get that for me, will ya baby? You know it's for you. +Who is it? It's Beaumont. +We're back. 'Ola! +Hey, hey, hey. I think somebody's got some new clothes. We been shoppin'. Can't have my boy running around lookin' like a bum on the street. +Ha-ha-ha. I'm serious, you smoke too much of that shit. That shit robs you of your ambition. Not if your ambition is to get high and watch TV. +Hello. Hey, Jackie... No, Jackie, I didn't get your message. I was gonna tell you... +Hope you don't mind keeping him company. No problem. +No problem. Try not to rip his clothes off 'em they're new. +Cherry Bail Bonds. Let me speak to Max Cherry. +He ain't here right now. He leave town? +He leave town? He's around. +He's around. Give me his home number. +Give me his home number. I'll give you his beeper. +Get me out of here. Where do you want to go? +Where do you want to go? Take me home. +Take me home. Home? This is your home. You're dead. +Home? This is your home. You're dead. Dead? No. I just hurt my back. I'm not dead. +Dead? No. I just hurt my back. I'm not dead. What are you then? +What are you then? I'm alive. +I'm alive. Then what are you doing here? +Then what are you doing here? I don't know. I don't know. This isn't happening. +I don't know. I don't know. This isn't happening. What isn't happening? +What isn't happening? Let me out of here! +Let me out of here! There is no out of here. You've been killed. Don't you remember? +Remember? No! That was years ago! I've lived years since then. +No! That was years ago! I've lived years since then. It's all been a dream. +It's all been a dream. No! The army did this to me! They've done something to my brain. Jezzie! I want my boys! Sarah! I'm not dead! I want my family! +Dream on! No! Oh God. +Go on Jake. She reads 'em like a book. No, thanks. +No, thanks. It's fun. +Hiya Jake. That was some dance. Della? +Della? You want to see me? Well, here I am. +You want to see me? Well, here I am. I see. +I see. What do you want? +What do you want? Just to see you. That's all. +Just to see you. That's all. Well, how do I look? +Well, how do I look? Like Della. +Dr. Singer. It's been a long time. Hello, Sam. +Hello, Sam. Are you all right? +Are you all right? I'm okay. +I'm okay. Do you want some help? I can call upstairs. +Do you want some help? I can call upstairs. No, don't. But thanks. +By who? Why? Paul didn't have an enemy in the world. How do you know? +How do you know? Hey, you're talkin' about Paul. Who'd want to hurt him? +Something weird is going on here. What is it about us? Even in Nam it was always weird. Are we all crazy or something? Yeah, ever since that ... +Grass never did that to me. You know, I've been to three shrinks and a hypnotist. Nothing penetrates that night. Nothing. +Too late. I've tried. I think you're right, Jake. I'm game. Me, too. +Daddy! Oh God! +Oh God! You're hurting me! +You're hurting me! Stop!!!! +Stop!!!! Daddy. Let go. +Daddy. Let go. What do you want from me? +What do you want from me? LET GO! +You have an unusual hand. I could have told you that. +I could have told you that. You see this line here? It's your life line. Here's where you were born. And this is where you got married. You're a married man, huh? Oh oh. Nope. Divorce. See this split. +You know, you got a strange line here. It's short, huh? +It's short, huh? Short? It's ended. +Short? It's ended. Oh, terrific. +Oh, terrific. It's not funny. According to this ... you're already dead. +It's not funny. According to this ... you're already dead. Just my luck. +What did he talk about when you guys went out? Did he say anything? He was upset. He thought people were following him. +Hello. Frank. It's Jake. Jacob SInger. +Listen, I just got a strange call from Geary. He said the guys backed down. What's he talking about? That's right. We did. +That's right. We did. What does that mean, Frank? I don't get it. Why? +What does that mean, Frank? I don't get it. Why? It's hard to explain. +It's hard to explain. Well, try, huh. +Well, try, huh. I don't know if I can. It's just that war is war. Things happen. +I don't know if I can. It's just that war is war. Things happen. Things happen? What the fuck are you talking about? They did something to us, Frank. We have to expose this. +Things happen? What the fuck are you talking about? They did something to us, Frank. We have to expose this. There's nothing to expose. +There's nothing to expose. Jesus Christ! Who's been talking to you? What's going on? How can you just turn away? What about the others? +Jesus Christ! Who's been talking to you? What's going on? How can you just turn away? What about the others? They're not interested, Jake. +They're not interested, Jake. Shit! You know it's not half the case if I go it alone. We're all suffering the same symptoms, Frank. The army is to blame. They've done something to us. How can you not want to know? +Shit! You know it's not half the case if I go it alone. We're all suffering the same symptoms, Frank. The army is to blame. They've done something to us. How can you not want to know? Maybe it's not the army, Jake. +Maybe it's not the army, Jake. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Maybe there's a larger truth. +Maybe there's a larger truth. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Maybe the demons are real. +Maybe the demons are real. Goddamn it. What kind of bullshit is that? +Goddamn it. What kind of bullshit is that? Listen, Jake. I gotta go. +Listen, Jake. I gotta go. What the hell? What kind of mumbo jumbo ... ? +What the hell? What kind of mumbo jumbo ... ? I'm hanging up. +I'm hanging up. Hey, wait! +Hey, wait! Don't bother to call again, okay? +Daddy, what was that noise? Gabe? What are you doing ... ? +Gabe? What are you doing ... ? There was a bang. +There was a bang. It was the window. +It was the window. It's cold. +It's cold. Tell your mother. +Tell your mother. Mom, it's ... +Wait ... Daddy. Now what? +Now what? Don't go. +Don't go. Don't go? I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, Gabe. Come on, go back to sleep. You can still get a couple of hours. +I'm sorry, Mr. Singer, but do you have any idea how many people come to me with the injustices of the world? It'd break your heart. This isn't injustice, Mr. Geary. The army did something to us and we've got to find out what. +This isn't injustice, Mr. Geary. The army did something to us and we've got to find out what. The army. The army. What is it with you guys? We're not talking about a trip to the library here. This is the United States Government for God's sake. This is red tape coming out of your ass. You know what I mean? +The army. The army. What is it with you guys? We're not talking about a trip to the library here. This is the United States Government for God's sake. This is red tape coming out of your ass. You know what I mean? Exactly. And we need someone to cut through it. We hear you're the man. +Exactly. And we need someone to cut through it. We hear you're the man. Oh yeah? What am I - Perry Mason here? +Doctor. Ph.D. Ah! I thought you were a mailman. +Ah! I thought you were a mailman. I am. +I am. Then why aren't you teaching? Why aren't you in a university? +Then why aren't you teaching? Why aren't you in a university? I'm too messed up to teach. +I'm too messed up to teach. Ah! Well then, they're going to have to pay for that, aren't they? +Who's been talking to you? The army? Have they been talking to you, huh? Nobody's been talking to nobody. You don't have a case, you hear me? It's pure and simple. Now leave me alone. Okay? +Listen, will you listen? They're trying to get me. They're comin' out of the walls. The army's done something to me. I need you. You need ... a doctor. +You need ... a doctor. A doctor? And what's he gonna do, tell me I'm crazy? They've fucked with my head. I've got to prove it. You've got to do something. +You mind? I'm eating, huh? Something's going on here. You're not telling me something. What the hell's gotten into you? +Something's going on here. You're not telling me something. What the hell's gotten into you? I'll tell you what's gotten into me. I don't know you from Adam, right? You come to my office with this bizarro story and demand I look into it. Okay. I said I'd check it out and I did. Now I don't know what kind of fool you take me for, but you have used and abused me, and I don't like it. +I'll tell you what's gotten into me. I don't know you from Adam, right? You come to my office with this bizarro story and demand I look into it. Okay. I said I'd check it out and I did. Now I don't know what kind of fool you take me for, but you have used and abused me, and I don't like it. Used you? +Used you? I talked to the Army's Bureau of Records. You've never even been to Viet Nam. +I talked to the Army's Bureau of Records. You've never even been to Viet Nam. What the hell is that supposed to mean? +What the hell is that supposed to mean? It means that you and your buddies are whacko, that you were discharged on psychological grounds after some war games in Thailand. +It means that you and your buddies are whacko, that you were discharged on psychological grounds after some war games in Thailand. War games? Thailand? That's not true! How can you believe that? Can't you see what they're doing? It's all a lie. We were in Da Nang, for God's sake. You've got to believe me. +War games? Thailand? That's not true! How can you believe that? Can't you see what they're doing? It's all a lie. We were in Da Nang, for God's sake. You've got to believe me. I don't have to do any such thing. I'm eating my lunch, okay? +Bullshit. Someone's covering somethin'. That was no accident. Why do you say that? +Why do you say that? Cars don't explode that way. Any simpleton knows that. +Cars don't explode that way. Any simpleton knows that. But the paper ... +But the paper ... That was set. I'm tellin' you. +What'd he say that for? What made him say that? Strange, huh? Strange. What else did he say, Jake? +What do you mean, demons? He told me he was going to Hell. +He was scared. He saw these creatures coming out of the woodwork. They were tryin' to get him, he said. How long had that been going on? +How long had that been going on? A couple of weeks, I think. +He say what they looked like? No. Not really ... +No. Not really ... Excuse me a minute. I'll be right back. +You think they're connected? I think something's fucking connect- ed. I mean, a car tried to run me over the other day. Doug too, right? We've got six guys here going fucking crazy. +It's not worth goin' over again and again. Whatever happened, happened. It's over. ... I've seen them, too. +... I've seen them, too. Shit! +Dr. Carlson's dead? An explosion, just like Paul's. +Not me, buddy. Okay, not you Rod. But the rest of us are flipping out for some goddamn reason. They're tryin' to kill us. Fuck it man, we need to find out what's going on. +Come on, Professor. The army's not gonna give you any answers. You'll be buttin' your head against a stone wall. Maybe that's the only way to get through. Besides, six heads'll be better than one. +Maybe that's the only way to get through. Besides, six heads'll be better than one. Not my head, buddy. Not me. I'm gettin' a headache just listenin' to you. +Not my head, buddy. Not me. I'm gettin' a headache just listenin' to you. We should get ourselves a lawyer. +We should get ourselves a lawyer. I say you should get a shrink. +Come on, Jake. That didn't hurt. How do you know? +How do you know? I know you. How come you're so tense today? +I know you. How come you're so tense today? What can I tell you? +What can I tell you? I saw Sarah the other day. +I saw Sarah the other day. Her knee acting up? +Her knee acting up? A bit. +A bit. What did she have to say? +What did she have to say? "Turn on your right side. How about the other ""right?"" I don't understand you philosphers. You've got the whole world figured out but you can't remember the difference between right and left." +"Turn on your right side. How about the other ""right?"" I don't understand you philosphers. You've got the whole world figured out but you can't remember the difference between right and left." I was absent the day they taught that in school. What did she say? +I was absent the day they taught that in school. What did she say? Who? +Who? Sarah. +Sarah. Not much. She's like you that way. Two clams. No wonder your marriage didn't last. Put your hand under your head. Take a breath and then let it out. +Ah, good. Now turn to your left. She talk about the boys? +She talk about the boys? She says she can't get them new coats because you haven't sent the alimony for three months. +She says she can't get them new coats because you haven't sent the alimony for three months. She told you that? Did she tell you about the $2,000 I'm still paying for the orthodontist? I'll bet she didn't mention that. +She told you that? Did she tell you about the $2,000 I'm still paying for the orthodontist? I'll bet she didn't mention that. She said you were a son of a bitch and she regrets the day she set eyes on you. +She said you were a son of a bitch and she regrets the day she set eyes on you. I thought you said she didn't say much. +I thought you said she didn't say much. She didn't. That's about all she said. Put your hand up. Good. I think she still loves you. Take a breath and let it out. +Loves me!? She hasn't said a kind word about me in years! Right. She doesn't stop talking about you. You're always on her mind. That's love, Jake. +Right. She doesn't stop talking about you. You're always on her mind. That's love, Jake. She hates me, Louis. +She hates me, Louis. You should go back to her. +You should go back to her. What? She threw me out, remember. She wanted some professor to carry her far away from Brooklyn. Only we didn't make it. She can't forgive me that she still lives in the same house she grew up in. +What? She threw me out, remember. She wanted some professor to carry her far away from Brooklyn. Only we didn't make it. She can't forgive me that she still lives in the same house she grew up in. Her problem is that you spent eight years getting a PhD and then went to work for the post office. +Her problem is that you spent eight years getting a PhD and then went to work for the post office. What can I tell you, Louis? After Nam I didn't want to think anymore. I decided my brain was too small an organ to comprehend this chaos. +What can I tell you, Louis? After Nam I didn't want to think anymore. I decided my brain was too small an organ to comprehend this chaos. If it was any other brain but yours, I might agree. Relax, this is going to be strong. +If it was any other brain but yours, I might agree. Relax, this is going to be strong. I can't relax. +I can't relax. Wiggle your toes. +God almighty. What did you do to me? I had to get in there. A deep adjustment. Rest a moment and let it set a bit. +I had to get in there. A deep adjustment. Rest a moment and let it set a bit. I had this weird flash just then. +I had this weird flash just then. What? +What? I don't know. I've been having them recently. You know, you look like an angel, Louis, an overgrown cherub. Anyone ever tell you that? +I don't know. I've been having them recently. You know, you look like an angel, Louis, an overgrown cherub. Anyone ever tell you that? Yeah. You. Every time I see you. No more Errol Flynn, okay? Your back won't take it. You tell your girl friend to calm down if she knows what's good for you. +Yeah. You. Every time I see you. No more Errol Flynn, okay? Your back won't take it. You tell your girl friend to calm down if she knows what's good for you. Louis, you're a life saver. +Louis, you're a life saver. I know. +Half an hour from now and you'll be walking out of here all by yourself. Mark my words. Well, you've done it to yourself this time, haven't you? Am I dead, Louis? Am I dead? +Am I dead, Louis? Am I dead? From a slipped disc? That'd be a first. +From a slipped disc? That'd be a first. I was in Hell. I've been there. It's horrible. I don't want to die, Louis. +I was in Hell. I've been there. It's horrible. I don't want to die, Louis. Well, I'll see what I can do about it. +Well, I'll see what I can do about it. I've seen it. It's all pain. +I've seen it. It's all pain. You ever read Meister Eckart? How did you ever get your Doctorate without reading Eckart? Good. Okay, let's turn over gently. Right side. +Perfect. We got it. Okay. Let's just give it a little try. See if you can stand. What? By myself? +What? By myself? You can do it. Come on. Easy. Just give it a try. +What are you doing? There's something I've gotta take care of, Louis. +There's something I've gotta take care of, Louis. What are you talking about? You can barely stand. +What are you talking about? You can barely stand. I'm walking, aren't I? +I'm walking, aren't I? Jake, you need to rest. +Jake, you need to rest. Not tonight, Louis. No more rest. +Are you in the service? The postal service. I'm a mailman. +The postal service. I'm a mailman. Ah. Neither snow nor sleet, nor dark of night ... I always admired that. +Ah. Neither snow nor sleet, nor dark of night ... I always admired that. It's good to see you. +It's good to see you. Likewise. +And how is your wife? Sarah, no? I haven't seen her in months. +I haven't seen her in months. Ah! +Ah! I'm with another woman now. We're both with the post office, Midtown, 34th Street branch. +I'm with another woman now. We're both with the post office, Midtown, 34th Street branch. Hmm. I don't suppose there are too many philosophers in the post office? +Hmm. I don't suppose there are too many philosophers in the post office? Oh, you'd be surprised. They just don't have their doctorates, that's all. +Oh, you'd be surprised. They just don't have their doctorates, that's all. Last I heard you were offered a posi- tion in the West somewhere. Tuscon was it? +Last I heard you were offered a posi- tion in the West somewhere. Tuscon was it? Oh, that goes way back. They had a hiring freeze, one of those last min- ute things. Bad timing for me though. Middle of the war. The draft. I'll tell you Prof, after Viet Nam ... I didn't want to think anymore. I decided my brain was just too small an organ to comprehend this chaos. +Oh, that goes way back. They had a hiring freeze, one of those last min- ute things. Bad timing for me though. Middle of the war. The draft. I'll tell you Prof, after Viet Nam ... I didn't want to think anymore. I decided my brain was just too small an organ to comprehend this chaos. Jacob, if it was any other brain but yours, I might agree. Tell me, does your lady friend know what a brilliant thinker, what a sub- lime intellect she's living with? +Jacob, if it was any other brain but yours, I might agree. Tell me, does your lady friend know what a brilliant thinker, what a sub- lime intellect she's living with? I doubt it's my mind that interests her. I tell you Prof, she's a fiery lady. +I doubt it's my mind that interests her. I tell you Prof, she's a fiery lady. Well, try not to get burned. You have a great mind, Jacob. Don't let anyone tempt you away from it. +I've got a problem, Prof. More Augus- tine than Kierkegaard, if you know what I mean. I need to know about ... demons. Demons, Jacob? Why demons? Are you writing ... ? +Demons, Jacob? Why demons? Are you writing ... ? No. I see them. +No. I see them. See them? What do you mean? Physically? +See them? What do you mean? Physically? Yes. +I know very little about demons, Ja- cob, fleshy ones anyway. I know them as literary figures, biblical ones ... Dante, Milton ... but Jacob, this is the 20th Century. We don't see demons now. I see them, Prof. Everywhere. They're invading my life. +Christ, I know how it sounds. Have you considered a doctor? A psy- chiatrist? +Have you considered a doctor? A psy- chiatrist? Yes. I don't want them. I'm not looking for analysis or drugs. It's too easy to dismiss as some kind of psychosis. It's more than that. I can feel it. I need you Prof. You're the only one I can talk to. +Yes. I don't want them. I'm not looking for analysis or drugs. It's too easy to dismiss as some kind of psychosis. It's more than that. I can feel it. I need you Prof. You're the only one I can talk to. I don't know what to say. +I don't know what to say. I need your insight, your intuition. +Demons? I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like a spiritual mat- ter to me. The problem, Jacob, is that you have no context for it. You're a renegade Existentialist suf- fering demons a hundred years after Freud. How the hell am I supposed to make it fit? I'm afraid, Prof. Nothing makes sense. Please help me. +I'm afraid, Prof. Nothing makes sense. Please help me. Jacob, I don't believe in demons, not in the empirical sense. I don't be- lieve in devils fighting for our souls. I don't believe in enternal damnation. I don't believe in other- worldly creatures tormenting us. We don't need them. We do a good enough job on ourselves. +Jacob, I don't believe in demons, not in the empirical sense. I don't be- lieve in devils fighting for our souls. I don't believe in enternal damnation. I don't believe in other- worldly creatures tormenting us. We don't need them. We do a good enough job on ourselves. But I see them. +But I see them. Look. I don't pretend to know what's going on inside your head. For all I know it's pathological and they should be pumping Valium into your veins by the quart. But if you're not willing to accept the help of sci- ence; and believe me, I admire you for that: then you'll have to do bat- tle on your own. What can I say? It's a lonely pilgrimage through our times even for the strongest souls. But to be pursued by ... demons no less ... There are no guides, Jacob. You wanna know what I'd do if I sud- denly started seeing demons? I'd hail the first taxi that came along, shoot over to Bellvue and beg them for shock treatment. I'm no saint. +Look. I don't pretend to know what's going on inside your head. For all I know it's pathological and they should be pumping Valium into your veins by the quart. But if you're not willing to accept the help of sci- ence; and believe me, I admire you for that: then you'll have to do bat- tle on your own. What can I say? It's a lonely pilgrimage through our times even for the strongest souls. But to be pursued by ... demons no less ... There are no guides, Jacob. You wanna know what I'd do if I sud- denly started seeing demons? I'd hail the first taxi that came along, shoot over to Bellvue and beg them for shock treatment. I'm no saint. Hell, you think I am? +Hell, you think I am? "I'venever understood you, you know that? You were by far the best pupil I've ever had, bar none. Intellectu- ally, you were the most original, the most imaginative. Who knows, maybe you've been ""elected"" to see demons. Maybe you're in touch with ... some- thing. Nothing would surprise me about you Jacob. Nothing." +I'd like to speak to Dr. Carlson, please. Carlson? Is he new here? +Carlson? Is he new here? New? He's been here for years. +Not according to my charts. Do you have an appointment? Look, I need to see him. I know where his room is. Just give me a pass. I won't be long. Ten minutes. +Look, I need to see him. I know where his room is. Just give me a pass. I won't be long. Ten minutes. Our doctors are seen by appointment only. +Our doctors are seen by appointment only. Damn it. I was in the veteran's out- patient program. He knows me. +Damn it. I was in the veteran's out- patient program. He knows me. What's your name? +What's your name? Jacob Singer. +I'm sorry but there's no record of a Jacob Singer in our files. Whataya mean, no record? +Whataya mean, no record? You want me to spell it out? There's nothing here. +You want me to spell it out? There's nothing here. That's ridiculous. I've been coming here for years. Listen to me. I'm going out of my fucking mind here. I need to see him. +That's ridiculous. I've been coming here for years. Listen to me. I'm going out of my fucking mind here. I need to see him. If this is an emergency we have a staff of psychiatric social workers. There's about an hour's wait. I'll be glad to take your name. Why don't you just fill out this form? +If this is an emergency we have a staff of psychiatric social workers. There's about an hour's wait. I'll be glad to take your name. Why don't you just fill out this form? Goddamn it! I don't want a social worker. Carlson knows me. +What was that? It's freezing. +It's freezing. I'm not cold. +I'm not cold. Of course not. You have all the blankets. It must be ten degrees in here. I'm telling you, Sarah, if you want to sleep with fresh air, you sleep on the fire escape. From now on that window is closed. +Of course not. You have all the blankets. It must be ten degrees in here. I'm telling you, Sarah, if you want to sleep with fresh air, you sleep on the fire escape. From now on that window is closed. It's not healthy with it closed. +It's not healthy with it closed. This is healthy? I'll probably die of pneumonia tomorrow and this is healthy. +What a dream I was having. I was living with another woman ... You know who it was? I don't want to know. +I don't want to know. Jezebel, from the post office. You remember, you met her that time at the Christmas party. I was living with her. God, it was a nightmare. There were all these demons and I was on fire. Only I was burning from ice. +Jezebel, from the post office. You remember, you met her that time at the Christmas party. I was living with her. God, it was a nightmare. There were all these demons and I was on fire. Only I was burning from ice. Guilty thoughts. See what happens when you cheat on me, even in your mind? +Guilty thoughts. See what happens when you cheat on me, even in your mind? She was good in bed, though. +She was good in bed, though. Go to sleep. +Go to sleep. She had these real beefy thighs. Delicious. +She had these real beefy thighs. Delicious. I thought you said it was a nightmare? +I'm not dead. I am not dead. No. Of course you're not. You've just hurt your back. That's all. You're going to be fine. It'll just take some time. +Jacob, what can I do? Save me! +My back. I can't move. I need my chiropractor. Your back? Did you fall? +They stole it. Who did? +Who did? I don't know. Santa Claus. I had my son's picture in it. Gabe's picture. It's the only one I had. +I don't know. Santa Claus. I had my son's picture in it. Gabe's picture. It's the only one I had. We better get an orthopedic man in here. Is Dr. Davis on call? +I'm going to have to move you a bit, just to check for injuries. This may hurt a little. No. Don't move me. +I don't have to ask if you can feel that. Goddamn it. I want Louis. +Jake, is that you? What the hell did you do, move all the furniture? +What the hell did you do, move all the furniture? Why didn't you turn on the light? +Why didn't you turn on the light? I didn't want to wake you. +I didn't want to wake you. Gee, thanks a lot. +Gee, thanks a lot. Where is the lamp? +Where is the lamp? Where are you? +Where are you? If I knew I wouldn't have to ask. What did you do? I was happy the way it was. +If I knew I wouldn't have to ask. What did you do? I was happy the way it was. I moved the couch. That's all. +I moved the couch. That's all. Where to? +That help? Thanks. +What do you think? What do you mean? +What do you mean? The room! +The room! Oh God, Jezzie, ask me tomorrow. +Oh God, Jezzie, ask me tomorrow. It is tomorrow. Four A.M. How come you're so late? +It is tomorrow. Four A.M. How come you're so late? Roberts didn't show up. What could I say? Besides, it's double time. +Roberts didn't show up. What could I say? Besides, it's double time. What happened to you? +What happened to you? Don't ask. +You up? No. Have you seen my glasses? +No. Have you seen my glasses? Where'd you leave 'em? +Where'd you leave 'em? I don't know. +I don't know. Did you look around the headboard? +Did you look around the headboard? Jezzie, I can't see. +Jezzie, I can't see. Maybe you left 'em in the bathroom. +Thanks. What's that? Your kid dropped it off. +Your kid dropped it off. Who? Jed? +Who? Jed? No. The little one. +No. The little one. Eli. Why can't you remember their names? +Eli. Why can't you remember their names? They're weird names. +They're weird names. They're Biblical. They were prophets. +They're Biblical. They were prophets. Well, personally, I never went for church names. +Well, personally, I never went for church names. And where do you think Jezebel comes from? +And where do you think Jezebel comes from? I don't let anybody call me that. +I don't let anybody call me that. You're a real heathen, you know that, Jezzie? Jesus, how did I ever get involved with such a ninny? +You're a real heathen, you know that, Jezzie? Jesus, how did I ever get involved with such a ninny? You sold your soul, remember? That's what you told me. +You sold your soul, remember? That's what you told me. Yeah, but for what? +Yeah, but for what? A good lay. +A good lay. And look what I got. +And look what I got. The best. +The best. I must have been out of my head. +I must have been out of my head. Jake, you are never out of your head! +Jake, you are never out of your head! What's in here? +What's in here? "Pictures. Your wife was gonna toss 'em so ""what's his name"" brought 'em over on his way to school." +Look at these, will ya? I don't believe it. Jesus, these are fantastic. Look, here's my Dad ... And here's my brother, when we were down in Florida. Lemme see. +Lemme see. Here. Look. This is me and Sarah when I was still at City College. +Here. Look. This is me and Sarah when I was still at City College. That's Sarah? I can see what you mean. +That's Sarah? I can see what you mean. What? +What? Why you left. +Why you left. What do you mean you can see? +What do you mean you can see? Look at her face. A real bitch. +Look at her face. A real bitch. She looked good then. +She looked good then. Not to me. +Not to me. Well, you didn't marry her. +Is that the one who died? Gabe. +Wait. Don't. I don't like things that make you cry. +I don't like things that make you cry. I just want to look ... +Ready? Just gettin' rid of the garbage. +Jake! How's it going? +I'm going home. What's wrong? +What's wrong? I don't know. One of these days, I'm gonna see Louis. My back's killing me. +I don't know. One of these days, I'm gonna see Louis. My back's killing me. Now? What about the boss? He's not gonna like it. +Well, I'll miss riding home with you. I was looking forward to it. I'll be glad to avoid the crush. +I'll be glad to avoid the crush. I enjoy crushing into you. +Maybe it's all the pressure, Jake. The money. Things like that. Or your wife. Why do you bring her up? +Why do you bring her up? 'Cause she's always on your mind. +'Cause she's always on your mind. When was the last time I said a word? +When was the last time I said a word? It has nothin' to do with talkin'. +It's still there, Jake. Even if you never say a word about it. You can't spend two years in Vietnam ... What does that have to do with anything? Does it explain the barricaded subway stations? Does it explain those Godforsaken creatures? +What does that have to do with anything? Does it explain the barricaded subway stations? Does it explain those Godforsaken creatures? New York is filled with creatures. Everywhere. And lots of stations are closed. +New York is filled with creatures. Everywhere. And lots of stations are closed. They're like demons, Jez. +They're like demons, Jez. Demons, Jake? Come on. They're winos and bag ladies. Low life. That's all they are. The streets are crawling with 'em. Don't make em into somethin' they're not. It's the pressure, honey. That's all it is. +Demons, Jake? Come on. They're winos and bag ladies. Low life. That's all they are. The streets are crawling with 'em. Don't make em into somethin' they're not. It's the pressure, honey. That's all it is. Those guys tried to kill me tonight. They were aiming right at me. +Those guys tried to kill me tonight. They were aiming right at me. Kids on a joy ride. Happens all the time. +Kids on a joy ride. Happens all the time. They weren't human! +They weren't human! Come on. What were they, Jake? +You okay? I wanna leave. Get me out of here. +I wanna leave. Get me out of here. Oh, come on. It's early. +Oh, come on. It's early. Where are we? +Where are we? We're at Della's. +We're at Della's. Where? +Where? What do you mean? Where do you think? +What do you mean? Where do you think? Where's Della? Bring her here? +Where's Della? Bring her here? Why? What for? +Why? What for? Show me Della! +Show me Della! Hey, I'm here. +Can't you stop it? If I could stop it, I'd stop it. +What's it say? A hundred and two? I don't believe this. I'm calling the doctor. +What does it say? It's gone to the top. +It's gone to the top. How high is that? +How high is that? The numbers stop at 107. +What the hell are you doin'? Get your clothes off. +Get your clothes off. What are you talking about? I'm freezing. +What are you talking about? I'm freezing. Get your clothes off! +What'd the doctor say? That you'd die on the way to the hospital. Now get into that tub. +He's coming right over. Coming here? +Coming here? Goddamn it. Get in here. I can't stand around waiting. +You're out of your mind. I'm not getting in there. I'd rather die. That's your decision. +That's your decision. Look at me. I'm ice cold. +Look at me. I'm ice cold. You're red hot, damn it. Get in there. I've got to get more ice. +I can't do it. What kind of man are you? +Don't gimme that. Lie down! +Lie down! Jezzie! My feet are throbbing! +Jezzie! My feet are throbbing! Sam, Tony, come in here. +Sam, Tony, come in here. Hey, I'm not dressed. +Help me! Help me! Here. I'll do it. +Jake. You're gonna be all right, Jake. You're gonna be fine. Am I home? +Am I home? "You're here. Home. The doctor said you're lucky your brains didn't boil. What a night, Jake. It was crazy. You kept sayin' ""Sarah, close the window,"" over and over. And talkin' to your kids. Even the dead one. Weird. You know you melted 200 pounds of ice in 8 hours. Amazing, huh?" +"You're here. Home. The doctor said you're lucky your brains didn't boil. What a night, Jake. It was crazy. You kept sayin' ""Sarah, close the window,"" over and over. And talkin' to your kids. Even the dead one. Weird. You know you melted 200 pounds of ice in 8 hours. Amazing, huh?" Are we in Brooklyn? +Are we in Brooklyn? You're right here, Jake. You just rest. The doctor said you had a virus. That's what they say when they don't know what it is. You can't do anything for a week. He says you gotta recuperate. Now you just lie here. Mrs. Sandelman made you some chicken soup. It'll warm you up. +You know, you really ought to get out today. You can't just sit around like this all the time. It's not healthy. It's not good for your mind. Go take a walk, or somethin'. Go to a movie. Christ, who's gonna know? You think I care? I don't give a shit. Go. Enjoy yourself. One of us should be having a good time. Hello! Anybody home? Anybody in there? What? +Look, I'm horny. Keep it in mind. Love me a little? You are the most unbelievable woman I have ever met. One second you're a screaming banshee and the next you're Florence Nightingale. Who are you? That's what I want to know. Will the real Jezzie Pipkin please stand up. +So tell me ... am I still an angel? With wings. You transport me, you know that? You carry me away. +We're all angels, you know ... ... and devils. It's just what you choose to see. I love you, Jez. +I love you, Jez. I know. +I know. Underneath all the bullshit, just love. +Underneath all the bullshit, just love. Remember that. +Remember that. You know what? I feel ... exorcised ... like the demons are gone. +You know what? I feel ... exorcised ... like the demons are gone. How come? The army? +How come? The army? In a way. At least now I have some idea of what was happening. If we can only get them to admit ... to explain what they did ... I don't know. Maybe it'd clear things up in my head. I'll tell you something, Jez, honestly ... I thought they were real. +I put a frozen dinner in the oven, a Manhandler. It'll be ready at a quarter of. I threw a little salad together. It's in the fridge. I also bought some apple juice, Red Cheek. Don't drink it all. Oh, and Jake, your lawyer called. He did? When? +He did? When? While you were in the shower. +While you were in the shower. Why didn't you call me? +Why didn't you call me? He didn't give me a chance. Look, honey, don't get upset, but he's not taking your case. +He didn't give me a chance. Look, honey, don't get upset, but he's not taking your case. What? What do you mean? +What? What do you mean? He said you didn't have one. +He said you didn't have one. What's he talking about? +What's he talking about? I don't know. That's all he said. He wasn't very friendly. Oh, yeah. He said your buddies backed down. They chickened out, he said. +I don't know. That's all he said. He wasn't very friendly. Oh, yeah. He said your buddies backed down. They chickened out, he said. I don't believe this. +I don't believe this. Baby, I'm sorry. I feel terrible. I'd stay and talk but I'm so late. Look, don't be upset. We'll talk when I get home. See you around midnight. Bye. And don't brood. Watch T.V. or something. +It's just me. Jezzie? +Jezzie? Who else were you expecting? +Who else were you expecting? Let go! +Let go! Where were you, Jake? Where've you been? Why haven't you called? +Where were you, Jake? Where've you been? Why haven't you called? Stay away from me, Jez. +Stay away from me, Jez. I want to know. You tell me! +I want to know. You tell me! You wanna know? Turn on the T.V. Watch the fucking news! +Why are you doing this to me? You can't just go away like that. I can do anything I want. +Don't! It might be for me. +It might be for me. I'm not here. You haven't seen me. +I'm not here. You haven't seen me. Hello ... No. He's not here. I haven't seen him all night ... I don't know when ... What? Tell him what? Vietnam? ... What experiments? +Who was that? A chemist. Part of a chemical warfare unit out of Saigon. He said he knows me and that I'll know him when I see him. +A chemist. Part of a chemical warfare unit out of Saigon. He said he knows me and that I'll know him when I see him. How? +How? I have no idea. I was right. There were experiments. I knew it. I knew it. My God. +I have no idea. I was right. There were experiments. I knew it. I knew it. My God. How do you know he's telling the truth? +What are you doing here? Are you all right? How do you expect to pay for this? Everyone's looking for you, Jake. I dodged people all over the place, reporters, police. I don't know what you're gonna do. I'm gonna make love to you. That's what I'm gonna do. +I'm gonna make love to you. That's what I'm gonna do. Are you out of your mind? +Are you out of your mind? Yep. Finally. I love you, Jez. +Yep. Finally. I love you, Jez. God, I can't keep up with all your changes. +God, I can't keep up with all your changes. Me neither. +Me neither. What's gotten into you? +It's amazing, you know, that a drug could change things like that, destroy a life and then give it back. It's hard to believe that the world could be so hellish on day and like heaven the next. I tell you, it was so wonderful. I felt like a little boy. I saw Paradise, Jezzie. +I tell you, it was so wonderful. I felt like a little boy. I saw Paradise, Jezzie. It's so hard to believe. +This is one of my dreams, Jake. Ever since I was a little girl. I never thought it would happen. Stick with me, kid. +I want to go with you, Jake. Wherever you go. It's not practical, Jez. It'll be hard enough alone. +It's not practical, Jez. It'll be hard enough alone. I can waitress. I'm good. +I can waitress. I'm good. No. Things are too hot. Later. I'll send for you. +No. Things are too hot. Later. I'll send for you. Bullshit! +Bullshit! I promise. +I promise. Please. +Please. No. I'm a marked man, Jez. I'm the only one left. I don't want to expose you to that. It's not right for you or me. Be reasonable. +No. I'm a marked man, Jez. I'm the only one left. I don't want to expose you to that. It's not right for you or me. Be reasonable. Reasonable? Reasonable? Jake ... You're gettin' me angry. +Reasonable? Reasonable? Jake ... You're gettin' me angry. I love you when you're angry. +I love you when you're angry. Oh yeah? Try leavin' without me. +What're you ... ? Where's Sarah? Where are the boys? Sit down, Jake. +Sit down, Jake. Where are they? +Where are they? Sit down. +Sit down. No! What's going on? Where's my family? +No! What's going on? Where's my family? It's over, Jake. It's all over. +It's over, Jake. It's all over. Where have they gone? +Where have they gone? Wake up. Stop playing with yourself. It's finished. +What's going on? Your capacity for self-delusion is remarkable, Dr. Singer. +What's wrong, Jake? Forget to take your antidote? Who are you? What are you doing to me? +Who are you? What are you doing to me? You have quite a mind, Jake. I loved your friends. That chemist - the Ladder. What an imagination you have! +WHO ARE YOU? How many times have you asked me that? How many times? +How many times have you asked me that? How many times? TELL ME, DAMN YOU! +TELL ME, DAMN YOU! YOU KNOW WHO I AM. +So tell me ... am I still an angel? With wings. You transport me, you know that? You carry me away. +It's going to be all right, Jake. It's going to be all right. Don't be afraid. I've got you now. Hold me, Jezzie. Hold me. +Why won't you answer me? Cause you know goddamn well who I am. +Cause you know goddamn well who I am. I don't know you. +I don't know you. You've lived with me for two years. +You've lived with me for two years. That doesn't mean shit. Where do you come from, huh? And I don't mean Indiana. +That doesn't mean shit. Where do you come from, huh? And I don't mean Indiana. What do you want me to say? My mother's tummy? +What do you want me to say? My mother's tummy? You know goddamn well what I mean. +You know goddamn well what I mean. You're out of your fucking mind. I'm not gonna stand around here gettin' interrogated by you. +You're out of your fucking mind. I'm not gonna stand around here gettin' interrogated by you. Well leave then. Go to Hell. +Well leave then. Go to Hell. You son-of-a-bitch. Who do you think you are? I don't deserve this. Who takes care of you day and night? Who cleans the floor and washes your goddamn underwear? Well, I've had it. You flip out on your own, you ungrateful bastard. I'm done holding your hand. I don't want anything to do with you, you hear? Nothing! +What'd you do that for? It's an in- teresting story. All these people are still disappearing. Right off the street. Hey, what's wrong? Are you all right? I'm okay. I just don't want to lis- ten. +I'm okay. I just don't want to lis- ten. You look upset. +You look upset. I'm not upset. +I'm not upset. Jake, what is it? +Jake, what is it? I'm tired. +I'm tired. You look terrible. What happened? Jake ... is it the antidote? +You look terrible. What happened? Jake ... is it the antidote? Goddamn it. Why do you say that? +Goddamn it. Why do you say that? Look at yourself. You look like you've seen a ghost. +Look at yourself. You look like you've seen a ghost. Shit! Can't I just have a bad day? +Shit! Can't I just have a bad day? You can have anything you want. +You can have anything you want. Then don't bug me. +Then don't bug me. I'm not bugging you. Come and lie down. I'll give you a massage. Where'd you go today? +I'm not bugging you. Come and lie down. I'll give you a massage. Where'd you go today? Mid-town mostly. +Mid-town mostly. Oh yeah? What was happenin' there? +Oh yeah? What was happenin' there? I picked up my ticket. I'm leaving in the morning, Jez. +I picked up my ticket. I'm leaving in the morning, Jez. Oh? Where you going? +Oh? Where you going? West. +West. Where's West? New Jersey? +Where's West? New Jersey? Don't be funny. +Don't be funny. I always liked the West, west of Il- linois anyway. But you gotta give me time to pack. +I always liked the West, west of Il- linois anyway. But you gotta give me time to pack. Stop it, Jez. Don't do that. +Stop it, Jez. Don't do that. Do what? I haven't done a thing. +Do what? I haven't done a thing. Don't play games with me. There's nothing more to say. +Where's Sarah? Where are the boys? Sit down, Jake. +Sit down, Jake. Where are they? +Where are they? Sit down! +Sit down! No! What's going on? Where's my family? +No! What's going on? Where's my family? It's over, Jake. It's all over. +It's over, Jake. It's all over. Where have they gone? +Where have they gone? Wake up! Stop playing with yourself. It's finished. +This isn't happening. Your capacity for self-delusion is remarkable, Dr. Singer. +Oh God! What's wrong, Jake? Forget to take your antidote? +What's wrong, Jake? Forget to take your antidote? Goddamn you! +Goddamn you! I loved your chemist, Jake. The height of fantasy. And your vision of paradise. A most romantic creation. You're quite a dreamer, Jake. Only it's time to wake up. +WHO ARE YOU? How many times have you asked me that? How many times? +How many times have you asked me that? How many times? TELL ME, DAMN YOU! +TELL ME, DAMN YOU! You know who I am. +Surprised, huh? I told you you'd know me. I've been tracking you for a long time. I just wish I'd spoken to you before tonight. I don't get it. Who are you? Why have you been following me? +I don't get it. Who are you? Why have you been following me? Observation, mainly. Clinical study. You were one of the survivors. +So first I'm arrested, right? Best LSD I ever made, right down the drain. I figure this is it, twenty years in the joint, if I'm lucky. That was '68. Long time ago. +Long time ago. Next thing I know I'm on Rikers Island. Ever been there? Suddenly they take me from my cell to the visitors room with those bank teller windows, you know. Four army colonels, medals up their asses, are standing on the other side. They tell me if I'll come to Vietnam for two years, no action, mind you, just work in a lab, they'll drop all the charges and wipe the record clean. Well, I'd only been in jail for thirteen hours and I already knew that Nam couldn't be any worse. +Next thing I know I'm on Rikers Island. Ever been there? Suddenly they take me from my cell to the visitors room with those bank teller windows, you know. Four army colonels, medals up their asses, are standing on the other side. They tell me if I'll come to Vietnam for two years, no action, mind you, just work in a lab, they'll drop all the charges and wipe the record clean. Well, I'd only been in jail for thirteen hours and I already knew that Nam couldn't be any worse. Shows how much you knew. +Shows how much you knew. No shit. They had me by the balls. Next thing I know I'm in Saigon ... in a secret lab synthesizing mind- altering drugs. Not the street stuff mind you. They had us isolating special properties. The dark side, you know? They wanted a drug that increased aggressive tendencies. +No shit. They had me by the balls. Next thing I know I'm in Saigon ... in a secret lab synthesizing mind- altering drugs. Not the street stuff mind you. They had us isolating special properties. The dark side, you know? They wanted a drug that increased aggressive tendencies. Yeah, sure. We were losing the war. +Yeah, sure. We were losing the war. Right. They were worried. They figured you guys were too soft. They wanted something to stir you up, tap into your anger, you know? And we did it. The most powerful thing I ever saw. Even a bad trip, and I had my share, never compared to the fury of the Ladder. +Right. They were worried. They figured you guys were too soft. They wanted something to stir you up, tap into your anger, you know? And we did it. The most powerful thing I ever saw. Even a bad trip, and I had my share, never compared to the fury of the Ladder. The Ladder? +The Ladder? That's what they called it. A fast trip right down the ladder. Right to the primal fear, the base anger. I'm tellin' you, it was powerful stuff. But I don't need to tell you. You know. +Anyway, this big offensive was coming up. Everyone knew it; Time Magazine, Huntley-Brinkley. And the brass was scared 'cause they knew we couldn't win. Morale was down. It was gettin' ugly in the States. Hell, you remember. Like it was yesterday. +Like it was yesterday. A couple days later they decided to use the Ladder, on one test battalion. Yours. Just in an infintessimal dose in the food supply, to prove its effectiveness in the field. They were sure your unit would have the highest kill ratio in the whole goddamn offensive. And you did, too. But not the way they tnought. +None of us can remember that night. I get flashes of it but they don't make sense. We saw shrinks for years. But nothing they did could ever touch it. What happened? Was there ever an offensive? A couple of days later. It was fierce. You guys never saw it. +A couple of days later. It was fierce. You guys never saw it. But there was an attack. I can still see them coming. There was a fight, wasn't there? +But there was an attack. I can still see them coming. There was a fight, wasn't there? Yeah. But not with the Cong. +Yeah. But not with the Cong. Who then? +I always suspected the effects might come back. That's why I had to follow you. I had a hell of a time getting hold of your records. If you knew, why didn't you say anything? +If you knew, why didn't you say anything? The truth can kill, my friend. Five hundred men died out there. This isn't a story they'd ever want out. When Paul's car blew up I realized the scope of the thing. I knew they meant business. +The truth can kill, my friend. Five hundred men died out there. This isn't a story they'd ever want out. When Paul's car blew up I realized the scope of the thing. I knew they meant business. So why tell me now? +So why tell me now? Because I can get rid of the demons. I can block the Ladder. I have an antidote. We can kill them off, chemically speaking. They'll all disappear. It's chemistry, my friend. I know. I created it. Come with me. I can help. +You come here often? Sometimes. When it's convenient. +Sometimes. When it's convenient. How do I know this isn't just some kind of, you know, seduction or something? +How do I know this isn't just some kind of, you know, seduction or something? Hey, I'm not the problem. You've got bigger problems than me. +I came up with the formula back in Nam but I never got a chance to use it. Never? +Never? I'd hoped I'd never have to. Just open your mouth and stick out your tongue. +I'd hoped I'd never have to. Just open your mouth and stick out your tongue. What is it? +What is it? Don't worry. Take it. It'll free your head. Come on. +Don't worry. Take it. It'll free your head. Come on. I don't know. +I don't know. """Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil,"" but no one ever said I wouldn't be shittin' in my pants every step of the way, huh? Stick out your tongue. That'a boy. Now why don't you just lie down and relax." +"""Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil,"" but no one ever said I wouldn't be shittin' in my pants every step of the way, huh? Stick out your tongue. That'a boy. Now why don't you just lie down and relax." One drop? +One drop? It's strong stuff. +I think I'm falling asleep. Pleasant dreams. +I can't move. Just relax. +Just relax. What's happening? Help me. +And no more demons. I told you they'd be gone. I don't believe this. It's a miracle, Michael. A miracle. +I don't believe this. It's a miracle, Michael. A miracle. Better living through chemistry, that's my motto. +It was paradise, Michael. You showed it to me. You were there. Well that's good to know. +Well that's good to know. Mike, it was real. It was glorious. +Mike, it was real. It was glorious. Glorious. I'm not surprised. I fed you enough of that stuff to send a horse to heaven. I'm just glad you came back. +Glorious. I'm not surprised. I fed you enough of that stuff to send a horse to heaven. I'm just glad you came back. I would have stayed there if I could. +I would have stayed there if I could. I'm sure. You've got nothing but troubles waitin' for you here. +Here. I've got every credit card ever printed. Take this. Stay here till you can arrange to get away. It's on me. No. I couldn't. +No. I couldn't. What? You want the Plaza? Don't be foolish. Here. Take this, too. This is my place on Prince Street. It's got my phone, everything. Call if you need me ... but you won't. Everything's gonna work out. You just get outta town as fast as you can. The New York police can be effective when they want to be. +What? You want the Plaza? Don't be foolish. Here. Take this, too. This is my place on Prince Street. It's got my phone, everything. Call if you need me ... but you won't. Everything's gonna work out. You just get outta town as fast as you can. The New York police can be effective when they want to be. I don't know what to say. +I don't know what to say. Save the words ... Just send back my credit card. +Excuse me, do you know if we've passed Nostrand Avenue yet? Excuse me. Look, I'm asking a simple question. Have we hit Nostrand Avenue? I fell asleep. I no from around here. +I no from around here. Yeah, you and everyone else. +How 'bout over there? No wait. Do me a favor. Bring 'em to the back room. They're awfully heavy. +They're awfully heavy. I know. That's why I'm asking. +Where's Wong? That's what I'd like to know. If you see him on the street somewhere, tell him he's fired. +How was Palm Springs? Hot. Where do I sign? +Hot. Where do I sign? You got a nice tan, though. +You got a nice tan, though. Tan? What tan? It faded on the airplane. I'd try to get my money back, but who do you ask? Two hundred dollars a night, for what? +No. I'll take the other one. Right. Well it's good to have you back. See you tomorrow, probably. If you're lucky. +He's burning up. Total delirium. +Total delirium. That's some gash. His guts keep spilling out. +That's some gash. His guts keep spilling out. Push 'em back. +Push 'em back. Help me! +Throw that torch away, young man. Give yourself up. You're under arrest. For what? For seeking the truth? +For what? For seeking the truth? Please come quietly. +Please come quietly. You come near me and I'll blow us all up. +You come near me and I'll blow us all up. We're not going to hurt you. +Clear the area. This is an order! What is wrong with you? +Dream on! What?! +He's burning up. Total delirium. +Total delirium. He'll never make it. +He'll never make it. That's some gash. His guts keep spilling out. +That's some gash. His guts keep spilling out. Push 'em back. +Push 'em back. Help me! +I'll page him. Call my chiropractor. +Call my chiropractor. We're doing everything we can. +We're doing everything we can. Louis Schwartz. Nostrand Avenue. +Well, don't we look better this morning? That was a hard night, wasn't it? Where am I? +Where am I? Lennox Hospital. +Lennox Hospital. I'm awake? +I'm awake? You look awake to me. Here. Drink some of this. +You look awake to me. Here. Drink some of this. Where's Sarah? Where did she go? She was here ... +Where's Sarah? Where did she go? She was here ... No. No. You haven't had any visitors. +No. No. You haven't had any visitors. That's a lie. My family was here. +That's a lie. My family was here. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Last night! They were as real as you are! +This is not a dream! This is my life. Of course it is. What else could it be? +Hello. Jacob Singer? +Jacob Singer? Speaking. +Speaking. Paul Gruneger! +Paul Gruneger! Paul Gruneger! Well I'll be goddamned! +Paul! You son-of-a-bitch, how the hell are you? I haven't seen you in what, five, six, years? A long time. +A long time. Jesus Christ. How've you been? What's happening in your life? +Jesus Christ. How've you been? What's happening in your life? Nothin' much. +Nothin' much. Me neither. Nothing too exciting. So tell me, to what do I owe the honor? +Me neither. Nothing too exciting. So tell me, to what do I owe the honor? I need to see you, Jake. +I need to see you, Jake. Shit, Paul. I'd love to see you. But I'm kind of laid up here. I've been sick. +Shit, Paul. I'd love to see you. But I'm kind of laid up here. I've been sick. I need to see you. +Jesus, man, you look terrific. You must have put on twenty pounds. I work in a bakery. +I work in a bakery. You're lucky. How many vets you know are even employed? +You're lucky. How many vets you know are even employed? Count 'em on one hand. +Count 'em on one hand. It's almost like a conspiracy, huh? +It's almost like a conspiracy, huh? No joke. Fuckin' army! That goddamn war. I'm still fightin' it. +No joke. Fuckin' army! That goddamn war. I'm still fightin' it. It's not worth it. You'll never win. +It's not worth it. You'll never win. You tellin' me? How many times can you die, huh? +Still married, Jake? Nope. +Nope. You and everybody else. God I hate this area. Makes me nervous. +You and everybody else. God I hate this area. Makes me nervous. Why the hell we drivin' here? +Why the hell we drivin' here? I just need to talk. +I just need to talk. You can't talk in Brownsville? +You can't talk in Brownsville? I'm not sure where I can talk anymore. +I'm not sure where I can talk anymore. What's wrong? +What's wrong? Let's get a couple drinks, okay? Hey, take a look behind us. Do you think that car is followin' us? +Let's get a couple drinks, okay? Hey, take a look behind us. Do you think that car is followin' us? That black car? +That black car? Pull the mirror down on the sun visor. Just watch 'em. +Pull the mirror down on the sun visor. Just watch 'em. What's goin' on Paul? +What's goin' on Paul? I don't know. +I don't know. You in trouble? +You in trouble? Yeah. +That's as straight as I can put it. And don't tell me that I'm crazy 'cause I know I'm not. I'm goin' to Hell. They're comin' after me. Who is? +Who is? They've been followin' me. They're comin' outta the walls. I don't trust anyone. I'm not even sure I trust you. But I gotta talk to someone. I'm gonna fly outta my fuckin' mind. +Sorry. Sometimes I think I'm just gonna jump outta my skin. They're just drivin' me wild. Who, Paul? What exactly ... ? +Who, Paul? What exactly ... ? I don't know who they are, or what they are. But they're gonna get me and I'm scared, Jake. I'm so scared I can't do anything. I can't go to my sisters. I can't even go home. +I don't know who they are, or what they are. But they're gonna get me and I'm scared, Jake. I'm so scared I can't do anything. I can't go to my sisters. I can't even go home. Why not? +Why not? They're waitin' for me, that's why. +It's okay, Paul. It's okay. I don't know what to do. +I don't know what to do. Don't do anything. Paul, I know what you're talking about. +Don't do anything. Paul, I know what you're talking about. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I've seen them too ... the demons! +I've seen them too ... the demons! You've seen them? +You've seen them? Everywhere, like a plague. +Everywhere, like a plague. God almighty. I thought I was the only one. +God almighty. I thought I was the only one. Me, too. I had no idea. It's like I was coming apart at the seams. +Me, too. I had no idea. It's like I was coming apart at the seams. Oh God. I know. I know. +Oh God. I know. I know. What is it Paul? What's happening to me? +What is it Paul? What's happening to me? They keep telling me I'm already dead, that they're gonna tear me apart, piece by piece, and throw me into the fire. I carry these everywhere but they don't help. Nothing helps. Everyone thinks I'm crazy. My mother filed a report with the army. +They keep telling me I'm already dead, that they're gonna tear me apart, piece by piece, and throw me into the fire. I carry these everywhere but they don't help. Nothing helps. Everyone thinks I'm crazy. My mother filed a report with the army. The army? +The army? She said I haven't been the same since then. Since that night. There's still this big hole in my brain. It's so dark in there, Jake. And these creatures. It's like they're crawling out of my brain. What happened that night? Why won't they tell us? +She said I haven't been the same since then. Since that night. There's still this big hole in my brain. It's so dark in there, Jake. And these creatures. It's like they're crawling out of my brain. What happened that night? Why won't they tell us? I don't know. I don't know. +I don't know. I don't know. They're monsters, Jake. We're both seein' 'em. There's gotta be a connection. Something. +I'm afraid to go by myself anymore. I keep thinkin' one of 'em's gonna come up behind me. Somethin's wrong when a guy can't even take a leak by himself. I've seen 'em take people right off the street. I used to go home a different way every night. Now I can't even go home. You come home with me. +You come home with me. What about your girlfriend? You don't think she'll mind? +What about your girlfriend? You don't think she'll mind? Are you kidding? We've put up more of her cousins. You wouldn't believe how they breed down there. +Can I help you? I'm looking for Dr. Carlson. Isn't this his office? +I'm so sorry. Obviously you haven't ... Dr. Carlson died. Died? +Died? A car accident. +A car accident. Jesus, Jesus! ... When? +Jesus, Jesus! ... When? Last month, before Thanksgiving. +Last month, before Thanksgiving. How did it happen? +How did it happen? No one knows. They say it blew up. +No one knows. They say it blew up. Blew up? What do you mean it blew up? +Do you want me to get someone? No. No. It's okay. I'm okay. +I have some ice from the machine. Bring it in. +Bring it in. Is he all right? +Is he all right? He doesn't like it. +He doesn't like it. I don't blame him. What should I do with the ice? +I don't blame him. What should I do with the ice? Pour it in. +Pour it in. On top of him? +On top of him? He's melting it as fast as we dump it in. +He's melting it as fast as we dump it in. Okay. My husband's got two more bags. He's coming. They're heavy. +Watch it punk, I'm armed. Punk? +That's nine to four, geek-boy. You got lucky. +You got lucky. You got lucky. I could have waited until he ate your head. +You got lucky. I could have waited until he ate your head. Speaking of which, duck! +That sucks. Why won't he go down? Pause play. +He's not part of the program. Hey cool. They brought ancient hockey guy back to life. +Asshole that does not count as a kill. Yes it does. +Yes it does. Oh, come on! +Okay, enough of this shit. Alright, asshole. +I don't have all day, kid. Yeah yeah I better call the labs, see what the hell is going on. +Duck fuckers? He's either unconcious or playing dead, whichever, he ain't really dead. Okay, you know , that's it for me. I'm outta here. +Forget the bridge, the shuttle's waiting! What do you mean, not enough time? +Just make a break for the door. He'll get some of us, but that's the breaks. We're not leaving Crutch! +We're not leaving Crutch! We don't have time to argue! +Goodbye old friend. Okay, he was a great guy, now let's move out. +Okay, he was a great guy, now let's move out. Could you show a little compassion?! +It's locked! Then break it! If you don't pull it, the ship's going to depressurize! +What are you doing?!! If the ship goes, so does Jaso. +If the ship goes, so does Jaso. Rizzo pull the fucking lever! +Rizzo pull the fucking lever! No. +What's that? THat's the sound of deep space attacking the integrity of the ship. +When the left hull goes, so will the right. What if we blow the walkways first? Leave Jason over here to go up with the ship? +We can't lead him into the other hull! We don't have a choice! +Can we blow it with just two? If we don't sever the hull completely she'll drag us down with her. +His mother? What? +What? I don't know. Nothing. +Minimal. We made it? +The ship's depressurizing, the engines overheating. When it reaches the core, we're done. Done? +Hurry up, guys. We've got the rescue ship on radar. Delongpre! Out of time! +Remember, stay calm, use your thrusters. We'll be fine. Why wouldn't we be. I mean, look around. So far so good. +Damnit to hell, you left me back there to die! Sergeant? We thought you were... +Sergeant? We thought you were... Yeah, yeah. Well, what have you got to say for yourself? +Bomb? Explosive. We're blowing the walkway. +Blowing the walkway? You come up with that yourself? Rizzo did. +Can't shut em' down from here. Somebody's gonna have to go back to the engine room. +Sergeant! Get out of here! +Uh-oh. What?! +What?! Kkinsa! Open the doors! +Okay that hurt. Thorgan, pull us in. +Where have you been?!! He....He... +Where the hell were you?!! He came for me, I had to run! +Creepy. Cool. +Nice touch. And you said high school was boring. +You see that? Briggs, Geko, movement beyond the boxed fuselage. +Better let me. Where'd you get the gun? +Everyone okay? I think I broke my arm. +Shit! The hull's imploding! +The hull's imploding! Rizzo! Can you hear me?! +We're not supposed to do that. What are you gonna do, tell me? +I'll need system four converters. They're back here. +Hey! I'm not ready. Then you better hurry. I'll blow alley one, Delongpre, you and Rizzo take there. Janessa you ready two and we'll meet up there. +Thorgan, quit screwing around and come on! I'm coming, I'm coming. +Kay-Em! What are you doing back?!! +As long as they're connected we can blow them all simultaneously from a safe distance. Two more charges to go. +Done! Let's move out! +Goodbye, my love. Thorgan, suit up. +Thorgan, suit up. This is gonna work. If he sticks to the program. Will he? Stick to the program? +Brodski! Get to Lab two. We have an emergency! Er, guys. Where's the Hockey Player? +We'd need charges. We could convert fission transistors. +How many? Bring 'em all. Let's move! +I think I speak on behalf of the group when I say this is bad news. Thorgan? You coming?! +Where is...? You tell me! She's only set one charge. And it's not finished! +I'd say we have about ten minutes tops. Then stop talking and work faster! +Then what do we do?! I don't know! +Hurry! Faster! Don't we have another gun? +It bought us some time. And now we're all out of it. +Earth II. Suit up. +Boeman, the ships not here. Use the thrusters and you'll be fine. We'll huddle together out there. +Use the thrusters and you'll be fine. We'll huddle together out there. Hey, easy now. +Get them in the lab! Not so fast Yllo! There's a protocol here. +My god! This is way over your head, pal. We need to call some experts and . . . I am an expert! +I am an expert! You're a teacher. +You're a teacher. Brodski I'll talk slow so you can understand me. She's thawing. If we don't get her to the lab, she'll die, and that will be on your bald fucking head! +Brodski I'll talk slow so you can understand me. She's thawing. If we don't get her to the lab, she'll die, and that will be on your bald fucking head! What if they're carrying? Did you even check? +How do you know that piece of cursed rock down there doesn't carry something metal tits can't detect? Well, when we rejuvenate this one you can ask her. +Well, when we rejuvenate this one you can ask her. Damnit, Yllo! I don't like it. +Damnit, Yllo! I don't like it. I don't give a shit. This one's prime for decryonization. We're brining her back. +I don't give a shit. This one's prime for decryonization. We're brining her back. I still think we should send for a team of real scientists. +I still think we should send for a team of real scientists. I am a scientist you asshole! This could be the most important discovery in 400 years. Do you have any idea what a find like this could mean? +I am a scientist you asshole! This could be the most important discovery in 400 years. Do you have any idea what a find like this could mean? Right now, I care only for the safety of this crew. You don't know anything about these two - +Jesus what the hell is that? That's exactly what we need to find out. Check your orders, Sergeant. I out rank you where discovery is concerned. Now step aside. I have a medical emergency to deal with. +What the hell are you doing? My job. +My job. Fine, just stay out of my way. Hit it. +Wait a minute...I need... Give it a rest Yllo. She needs some time. +Yllo, what's your head count? Looks like we're missing two. Stone and Kkinsa. +ALL I'm saying is dock with Space Lab, couple of hours no more. Let them take a look at our friends. Not a chance. +Not a chance. JUst don't go in there half cocked. You guys have a tendency to blow shit up and ask questions later. +JUst don't go in there half cocked. You guys have a tendency to blow shit up and ask questions later. You got that right. +Got it! Let's move out girls. Yllo go to Lab two and cover out backs. At least try to get him alive...will ya Brodski? +Yeah, I got ya. I don't see anything inside though. You just keep an eye out. +You just keep an eye out. Yeah yeah. Got it. +Ok Sarge, what's your status? wHAT'S My status?! I've lost three men and your worthless fuck! After I kill this asshole I'm coming your Yllo! +wHAT'S My status?! I've lost three men and your worthless fuck! After I kill this asshole I'm coming your Yllo! But I didn't see... +Sergeant! What? +I'm with you kid. Where is he? +Where is he? Lab two, relax. What's the matter? He's dead. +Lab two, relax. What's the matter? He's dead. No, you're dead! You're all dead! +He's dead. They're both dead. You don't understand what is on this ship. This is a being that kills. That's what he does. That's all he does. And he is very good at it. Kicker, Sven. Get into the grid and tell me what the hell is going on! +I doubt that. I think we can handle whatever your ancient hockey player can throw at us. Look! Just get everyone together, get off the ship... and then blow it to kingdom fucking come! That's the only way you're going to live. +I need to know what you know about this guy. Don't go out there. You can't win. We need to get off this ship. That's all there is to it. +Don't go out there. You can't win. We need to get off this ship. That's all there is to it. Not an option. I'm going to hunt this son of a bitch down. +We need weapons. Weapons? All this technology and what good has it done?! +Jesus, God! Oh man, what the hell happened? +Report to weapons. We're going on a hunt. Roger that. Time to kick some ass! +You sumbitch! Three dead! On my watch! If that...that thing is out there, it's dead! You got it!!! Fuckin A... +Fuckin A... Now get out of our way...get back to the lab and baby sit your snot nosed brats... we've got a job to do! +Kicker, anything? Negative. +Jesus, Sarge, what is this thing? Teach! Where the hell are you?! Where's our visuals?!! +Where is everybody? What happened? Damnit! You scared the hell out of me! +Damnit! You scared the hell out of me! Give me a break! What happened? +Give me a break! What happened? Jason. He's what happened. Then Grendel hit Space Lab. +Jason. He's what happened. Then Grendel hit Space Lab. Space Lab?! Wait'll I get my hands on Yllo. +Space Lab?! Wait'll I get my hands on Yllo. Yllo's dead. We...we thought you were too. +Yllo's dead. We...we thought you were too. Takes more than a steelbalde to take this old dog down. +Pull me in! I'm pulling, damnit! +Where are you going? We have to get off this ship. +You just need to relax. Rizzo ti's the future. We have soldiers on board, E-X Grunts, the baddest of the bad...and their weapons? I'm sure are slightly more advanced than what you're used to. I hope so. +Outta here? Isn't there an escape POD on this ship? Something? +Rizzo, he's out there. Yeah and he'll be here soon enough. Last chance. +Well, I'm not hanging out here with Ms. Showtunes. Guys!!! The shuttle? +Don't just stand there! Shoot him! No you don't! +Kkinsa, open the goddamn door! Yeah, that's it, scare the hell out of here, that'll work. +Kkinsa, Crutch is hurt! We need access to the shuttle's med-kit or he'll die. Med-kit? +Med-kit? I guessed. +We're screwed! 400 years in the future and these pea-shooters are the best you can do?! +What if you miss? What if we don't? +Rizzo?! It's better this way. If we were rescued Jason would just get off the ship. You want him on your precious Earth II? +Hey. That's a good fantasy, though. Kinky, but good. +That's a good fantasy, though. Kinky, but good. Hey!! +What's this? It's the engine, reactors, audiometers, it's the stuff that makes the ship go zoom. +That's why I'm here. So, you thought you'd be cool. Go against your father's wishes? Yeah, that's grown up. +My father's company imports and exports. Archaeology is part of the business. We happen to get along just fine, smartass. Look, why don't you bust somebody else's balls for a change. I thought you meant... +I thought you meant... You thought I meant...too tough to apologize, huh? You must have been a very lonely girl. +Jason seemed to have the right stuff. Physically, anyway. Radiation, cell damage, didn't matter. He just kept going. Were you close to your father? +They were all wrong. They couldn't control him. And what happend to ...? +I couldn't save them. Well, we'd be dead without you. You know that, don't you? +See? We're not so bad. Not so bad. +You know, this future shit sucks. I'll fucking do it. You? +You? Wait around on your asses all day. I'll need a distraction. +Got it. You ever space walked? Oh sure, all the time. +His mother was killed before his eyes. That's what drove him insane. It'll work. That sounds like Rizzo having faith in some of that future shit. +That sounds like Rizzo having faith in some of that future shit. Eat me. +You wanna release your air tanks? Okay, good tip. +Okay, good tip. You'll be fine. +Rizzo, you okay? No I'm not okay! I don't know what the hell I'm doing! +No I'm not okay! I don't know what the hell I'm doing! You're doing fine. I won't let anything happen to you, remember? +Rizzo, did they have chinese food in your time? I think I had some when I was eight. +I think I had some when I was eight. Did you like it? +Did you like it? I think so, why? +Delongpre, you don't even know me. I know you. +Rizzo, pull away! I'm stuck! +You okay?! Oh great...yeah, having a great time, and you? +Oh great...yeah, having a great time, and you? No thank you, you crazy old woman. +No thank you, you crazy old woman. Old woman? +Old woman? Well I mean, technically you are old enough to be my great, great, great... +Well I mean, technically you are old enough to be my great, great, great... I get it. +Now what? We wait. I need about fifteen. Call me if there are any changes. If she farts I want a full report. +It's time. What about the others? Shouldn't we wait? +What about the others? Shouldn't we wait? I've waited long enough. Kay . . . you know what to do. +Spunky . . . She broke my fucking nose! +Well? She needs a little time. +She needs a little time. More time...shit, she's had 400 years... +That's really funny. I'd want her statements before we reach porch. Jesus, women. +I'd want her statements before we reach porch. Jesus, women. Yeah, like you'd be a rock after everything she went through? +God damnit! Will you stop doing that?! Oh I like her a lot. +Shut up! She just wants this thing dead! No shit. I got no problem with that. +We must assume the machete was an intricate part of the game of hockey. I'm thinking Rizzo was right. +I'm thinking Rizzo was right. Thinking with your dick again, Delongpre? +Thinking with your dick again, Delongpre? Maybe we should go with them. Like you said, your Space Lab connections can deal with this thing. At least we'll be safe. +Maybe we should go with them. Like you said, your Space Lab connections can deal with this thing. At least we'll be safe. They are not going anywhere. I cut power to the shuttle. +Now hold on! We should hear her out! She's obviously dealt with this guy before. +Yuck. We're screwed. +Go-go-go-go-go!!!! He's right behind us! +I feel better. Now how do you fire this damn thing? Just go! I've a feeling he's right behind us! +It's on the table where I left it! What the hell are you doing?! Hurry up! I'm on my way. +Kaboom. Again?! Jesus! +Okay?!! Just come on, I've got an idea. +I'll help you in. Kay-Em, you've saved our lives, you know that don't you? +Oh, shit. He's going to see us. Well, do something! +He's trying to ask you out on a date. Shut up, Thorgan! +Push off toward us. Forget her, she's a pain in the ass. Let her hang there. +I...I don't know what I did... You lost the charge? +You lost the charge? He was chasing me! +They're not gonna make it. Close the door before he gets us all. They'll make it. +They'll make it. Close the fucking door! +Close the fucking door! NO! +And what's with the headgear? The mask is an artifact from a sport outlawed in twenty-twelve. +Now that's just gross. GO, GO, GO! +Now this is getting exciting. Remember to roll his balls around a bit. +You must shut down the engines. Then do it. The rescue ship can find us here right? +I knew you were a little sick, but Geez. I get no kick from champaign, mere alcohol doesn't faze me at all, but I get a kick out of you. +I'm missing two! Shit! Temp's dropping! We should have left this rock an hour ago! +Hey teach! This rock's starting to freeze! Get your ass back hre! Keep your shirt on! I'm working on it. You won't believe what we found. Adrienne! Stoney! +Oh my God . . . what the hell is . . . Just get us to the ship! +Fat Lou, we're changing courses for the Solaras Space Lab. I'll need the sergeant's okay on that. +I'll need the sergeant's okay on that. We've got a situation here! Just do as you're told! +We've got a situation here! Just do as you're told! Alright, relax. 20 minutes. Soon as we've passed Tara's rings we'll make the course correction. +Alright, relax. 20 minutes. Soon as we've passed Tara's rings we'll make the course correction. Thank you. +This is what it means right here. Small brains make your balls itch? +I'm gonna spew. That ought'a help the situation. +You think it killed . . . Yeah, I guess not. Let's just get out of here. +Hurry! She's lost it! So what else is new? +You read a lot of Science Fiction didn't you? A little late to be thinking about escape, isn't it? +YeaH, GREAT IDEA! And I'll keep the big guy distracted with a blow job. Would you? +You're so bossy. You're leaving me here alone? +You're quicker than usual. Later. +Later. You prefer an apple? +Jesus! Oh my God! Adrienne? +Look ice chip, why don't you just chill out and let us handle this? Try to calm down. Just think, you're going to be famous! +What are you doing? Jesus! Can't you knock? Diminish power to shutttle Beowulf. +What do we do?!! Crutch? +I'll tell you where he is. He's walking around this ship, killing anything that moves. Maybe she tripped. +Boeman don't. You know I'm right. Are you crazy?! Pull the lever! +No. Teleportation? Some way to beam us the hell out of dodge? +Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. I'm just saying. +I'm just saying. Come on. You got all these gadgets and shit. Why can't we get inside the right hull, seal up the doors and blow the walkways? +I don't know...sorry? Sergeant, we could use a big bomb. +Robot huh? Kay-em 14. +Kay-em 14. Barbie from hell... +Barbie from hell... Cybernetics science droid, fluent in over six... +Cybernetics science droid, fluent in over six... Yeah 3cpo, I saw STAR WARS, now how about you help me get out of this coffin, Barbie... +Yeah 3cpo, I saw STAR WARS, now how about you help me get out of this coffin, Barbie... I'm afraid I cannot assist. +I'm surrounded by idiots. You need to get laid! +No... That's the sound of the men working on the chain gang. Are there any other shuttles? +Sumbitch won't be giving us anymore trouble. You killed him? +You killed him? Blew half his skull away, one leg, one arm and left his entrails stretched across the lab. And look at me! I'm covered in his filthy blood! +The air's laced with type two ozone, it reads as a solid. Somebody wanted the place to stay hidden. +Somebody wanted the place to stay hidden. In twenty-eighty-two many of the survivors moved their facilities underground to escape . . . +The cryo unit leaked. The computers sealed the room. No airborne viruses no hazardous materials. I've shut down the until. Alright, stand back. Hold your breath. Initial cryo gasses will render you unconcious. +I didn't say I was good at it. Oh shit! There he is! +I'll never experience my fantasy of three sex droids, two humans, and a Knofflapod. Damn. Am I in there? +Am I in there? Sory... +It's just you and me, then. Come here, might as well fix that arm. +Almost done. Ow! +Ow! Oh, hush. I disengaged your pain programming. +Oh, hush. I disengaged your pain programming. Sometimes I just wish I had a kitten. +Sorry, sorry. Who are you apologizing to? +Who are you apologizing to? Good point. +Do I have to? Yes, I've reprogrammed you. You are very brave. Bad ass. +Yes, I've reprogrammed you. You are very brave. Bad ass. Oh, alright. +Kay-Em, you okay? Don't worry about me. I live for this shit. +You did good, Kay-Em. I'm proud of you. A real mamma's boy that one. Dissed his mamma and he nearly threw a tantrum. Little good it did him. +Kay-Em we made it! Oh, goody. I'm so pleased. I'd clap if I could. +Kay-em you okay? I am now. I missed you, Thorgan. +I am now. I missed you, Thorgan. I missed you too. +I missed you too. I love you. +Yo, Teach, what the fuck? We're missing two of the kids! +We're missing two of the kids! Get your ass back to the shuttle. I'll check it out. +Fat Lou, bring the ship to the following coordinates. Call Grendel, have them power up the labs, we're bringing in the find of the century! Now wait a minute! I don't think you should open that door. +Now wait a minute! I don't think you should open that door. This is a science excursion corporal. Just stay out of the way. +Kicker! Defense droids. I'm on it. +Leave him behind! No! He's coming with us! +I don't understand...what does he want? He wants to kill you...and me...and everyone on this ship. +What? Ssh. +How do you know? I just know. +Something's wrong. Keep trying! +The power's back up! Then open the doors! +Then open the doors! Thirty seconds. +Damn! Close the door! I'll be right back. What?!! +What?!! I gotta go back. +I gotta go back. But?!! +You son of a bitch, you know what time it is? We just left old Earth. You'll never believe what we found. +I'm sending you the files. Yeah, yeah if this is another ancient Farrari . . . +Yeah, yeah if this is another ancient Farrari . . . Trust me. I'm bypassing regular channels. See what kind of payday we're looking at. +Trust me. I'm bypassing regular channels. See what kind of payday we're looking at. Alright, I'm . . . No way . . . is this a joke? +Hypothetically, how much are we talking? If you're for real, you're looking at a million credits for viewing rights alone. Doesn't include touring and guest lectures. When can you get them here? +If you're for real, you're looking at a million credits for viewing rights alone. Doesn't include touring and guest lectures. When can you get them here? I'll reset our course . . . 3 hours? +I'll reset our course . . . 3 hours? See you then . . . doctor. +Where..? Who . . .? I'm alive. You brought me back. Obviously so. +How did I get here, how did you bring me back? Nanotechnology. +Nanotechnology. Nano...but nanotechnology is impossible. +Nano...but nanotechnology is impossible. We've had Nano-Tech for the last 30 years. +We've had Nano-Tech for the last 30 years. 30? How long was I out? +Now lay back we need to do some tests and I have some questions... JASON?! WHERE IS HE?! +We need to do some tests...I'd like to ask you a few questions. But...I...400 years? +But...I...400 years? That's right, now if you could... +Jason? He's on this ship?! Of course he is. He's the most relevant find in 400 years...except for you, of course. Look if you're worried about PR don't be. You're walking and talking. He's a stiff. You'll get the publicity. +Of course he is. He's the most relevant find in 400 years...except for you, of course. Look if you're worried about PR don't be. You're walking and talking. He's a stiff. You'll get the publicity. Are you finished? +Jason! Can't you see? He did this. Impossible! He was dead before he entered Cryo-statis. There is no possible way he could be alive. +Impossible! He was dead before he entered Cryo-statis. There is no possible way he could be alive. I didn't say he was alive. +Azrael can you repeat that? Get him out of there! +That's ridiculous. You're overreacting. Why don't you get it? He's going to kill us all! +You're not going anywhere. You wanna die? +You wanna die? Are we locked down? +What good will that do? They can deal with this sort of thing. +They can deal with this sort of thing. More soldiers? +More soldiers? Scientists. Very intellegent men. +Scientists. Very intellegent men. That's great. I bet they'll kick Jason's ass at a spelling bee! +Guys, please come with me! 4You're not going anywhere. +How do you open the damn door? You're crazy! +It's okay, he just wanted his machete. Three...two...one... +The hockey player? He a friend of yours? Hockey player? He's not a ... +Hockey player? He's not a ... He's dead! Everyone's dead! Old Earth is dead! +He's dead! Everyone's dead! Old Earth is dead! Old Earth? +What have you done? What have I done?! Idiots. +So, you're saying thse guys have like, lasers and stuff? They could hack him to pieces? Exactly. +Yes! Listen up duck fuckers, you can't kill this thing. +Listen to me. Please. Let's get off thsi ship. Come with me. Rizzo, a shuttle out in the middle of space? We'll die oout there. +Can we get through these? Sure but what good will that do? +Guys, he's right behind us! It's okay. +Cut my hand. Hit by a vampire. On the swing? I told you not to play near there until I sanded it down. See what your son did? +Son! -- Out of the water now! My boat's neat, dad! +My boat's neat, dad! I want him out of the ocean. +You're not going to the ocean with that, are you son? I'm all checked out for light surf and look at it. +I'm all checked out for light surf and look at it. Do me this favor just once. Use the ponds. +Do me this favor just once. Use the ponds. Dad, the ponds are for old ladies. +Dad, the ponds are for old ladies. Just a favor for your old man. +Just a favor for your old man. Sure, Dad. +My cars. And a comic book. Here -- Take him home. +Did you bring a check? What? +What? Cash? Or do we do this on a handshake and a promise? +Cash? Or do we do this on a handshake and a promise? I'm authorized by the township of Amity to hire you as an independent contractor. We'll meet your price. $10,000. +I'm authorized by the township of Amity to hire you as an independent contractor. We'll meet your price. $10,000. And my regular daily rate -- $200, whether we catch him or not. +And my regular daily rate -- $200, whether we catch him or not. You got it. +You got it. And incidental damages, if any... +And incidental damages, if any... You got it. +You got it. And you get the Mayor off my back with this zoning crap. Nobody tells me how to run my property. +And you get the Mayor off my back with this zoning crap. Nobody tells me how to run my property. You got it. +You got it. And, uh, a case of apricot brandy and you buy the lunch. +And, uh, a case of apricot brandy and you buy the lunch. Two cases. And dinner when you land. +Two cases. And dinner when you land. Try some of this. I made it myself. +This is Matt Hooper... I know who he is... +I know who he is... He's from the Oceanographic Institute. +Hey. Knock it off. I don't want to have to listen to this while we're out there... What do you mean 'We...?' +What do you mean 'We...?' It's my charter. My party. +It's my charter. My party. All right, Commissioner. But when we're on my ship, I am Master, Mate and Pilot. And I want him... ...along for ballast. +All right, Commissioner. But when we're on my ship, I am Master, Mate and Pilot. And I want him... ...along for ballast. You got it. +Keep that chum line going -- we've got five good miles. Don't break it. Who's driving the boat? +Who's driving the boat? Nobody. We're drifting with the current. +Why are we way out here, when the shark's back there? ...'cause this is where he lives. You gotta think like they do. +You got it? Get behind me, dummy! Reverse her and turn -- he's taking too much line! Wet my reel, quick! +The wire's showing! Unbuckle me -- fast! Grab the leader. He ain't normal, this one... they never -- +What's the point with hooks and Lines? -- Don't tell me my business! Quarter-mile, that way. Full throttle. +How -- if they're gonna keep on breaking? What I do is trick him to the surface, got that? Then I can jab him, understand? Think I'm gonna haul it in as if he's a catfish, like everyone else does? +I never saw one that big. What do we do? Get some help? Radio in? +Why don't we go in? Get another crack at him tomorrow. We got a barrel on him. We can't lose him. We stay out here until we find him. +Let's call in -- we can radio and have a big boat here in an hour... You hired me, remember? It's my $10,000. It's my shark... +Look a' that -- Bayonet Iwo Jima. C'mon. Middle appendix -- +C'mon. Middle appendix -- I almost had 'im. +What's that one, there? Tattoo. Had it taken off. +He's busting the shaft! Start the pump! Where...? +Where...? The bilge pumps. There -- +That's it! Radio in for help! Shut up! Just pump her out! +Shut up! Just pump her out! Yeah, Captain, as soon as I make a call. +Did you get him in the head? No! No! No! Swing around! After him! +What about us? Have to pump her steady, s'all. +He can't stay down with three barrels on him! Where is he?! Have you ever had one do this? +Have you ever had one do this? No! +He's trying to sink us! Dead astern! Zig-zag! +He's chasing us! I don't believe it. Full throttle! To port! +He's comin' up -- ! He's taken him! +How come the sun didn't used to shine in here? 'cause when we bought the house it was Autumn. This is summer. Feed the dogs. +Right. Do you see the kids? +Do you see the kids? Probably out in the back yard. +Probably out in the back yard. In Amity, you say 'Yahd.' +In Amity, you say 'Yahd.' The kids are in the yahd, playing near the cah. How's that sound? +The kids are in the yahd, playing near the cah. How's that sound? Like you're from N'Yawk. +Like you're from N'Yawk. Give me 30 years, I'll get it. +Did you burn another kettle? Y'know you're a fire hazard? This is the third one! I never hear the whistle. +I never hear the whistle. Feed the dogs. +You want to go through those? I'm taking them to the Thrift Shop. It's Marcia Vaughn's pet charity. Pick out what you want to keep -- it's mostly your city clothes. I used to wear this to the Garden. Garbage strikes. Dog shit. Muggers. Ship it. +I used to wear this to the Garden. Garbage strikes. Dog shit. Muggers. Ship it. Don't be silly -– You're going to make summer better for them... +Don't forget these. Oh, yeah. How do I look? Older, huh? +Oh, yeah. How do I look? Older, huh? I think they make you look sexy. +Sexy, hm? What was I before? Older, sillier. +Older, sillier. I don't want to depend on these things, y'know -– sometimes you can weaken your eyes. +Be careful. Here? You gotta be kiddin'. +Love ya. Hey Chief. Bring my cup back. +You're very tight, y'know? Right there. Ow. He's gotta be more careful in the water... +Can you stand something to eat? Love a cup of tea. With lemon. +Mikey loves his birthday present. Where is he? +Where is he? He's sitting in it. +It's three feet deep, Martin Michael! Come inside! +Michael! Come inside! It's his birthday present, and you closed the beach, Honey. I told him not to go in the water after what happened yesterday. I don't believe he'll ever do it again. +It's his birthday present, and you closed the beach, Honey. I told him not to go in the water after what happened yesterday. I don't believe he'll ever do it again. I told him not to go out until he memorized the handbook and the safety safety regulations, until he was sure of himself... +How come you have to tell them that? Excuse me, but what are you talking about? Didn't they catch the shark this afternoon? It was on the Cape station news. +You too, sweetheart... Thank you. +Why don't we have one more drink, you and I, and then we go down and cut open that old shark and see for sure what's inside him, or not. Can you do that? +Can you do that? I am Chief of Police. I can do anything I want. You want to come? +Home... New York? No. Home here. +Colorful, isn't he? You going to be all right? +You going to be all right? Nothing to worry about -- I'll survive this. +Nothing to worry about -- I'll survive this. I'll see you back soon. There's an extra pair of glasses in your black socks, and there's some suntan lotion and blistex in your kit. +Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum. What'll I tell the kids? +What'll I tell the kids? Tell 'em I went fishin'! +Martin! Are you going to shut down the beach on your own authority? Do I need any more authority? +Now tell me something I don't know. All I'm saying is that Amity is a summer town -- we need summer dollars, and if they can't swim here, they'll use the beaches at Cape Cod, or Long Island. +All I'm saying is that Amity is a summer town -- we need summer dollars, and if they can't swim here, they'll use the beaches at Cape Cod, or Long Island. So we should set out a smorgasbord? +I don't think you can appreciate the gut reaction people have to these things. I was only reacting to what I was told. +I can't work in a vacuum. Why don't you make Hendricks Chief? His family's been here since the Puritans -- half this island are his cousins. Martin, we hired the best man we could find. +I'll get to that in a minute. First, I plan to start our seasonal summer help early, and to use shark spotters on beaches open to the sea. I'd like cooperation from local fishermen, and I've also contacted the Oceanographic Institute over on the mainland. No need to involve outsiders in our business, Martin. +Only 24 hours! I didn't agree to that! +Larry, if you'd see these clowns leave, you'd never believe they'd come back with anything. But they got him! That's good. That's real good. Ben Meadows getting pictures for the paper. +That's good. That's real good. Ben Meadows getting pictures for the paper. Sure he is. +Who's that young man? Matt Hooper, the specialist they send down from the Oceanographic Institute. +Matt Hooper, the specialist they send down from the Oceanographic Institute. I think we all owe a debt of gratitude to these men for catching this monster. +Why not, Larry? We could get a positive confirmation that way. Be reasonable, boys -- this isn't the time or the place to do some kind of half-assed autopsy on a fish. Ben... do you have all the pictures you need? +She's right. Let's all get out of here, this place stinks. +Let's all get out of here, this place stinks. I'm going home. +He lost it on the way up. What kind of a shark did you say it was? +We have got to close the beaches. We have got to get someone to kill the shark, we need non-corrosive mesh netting, we need scientific support... It's gonna cost money just to keep the nuts out and save what we have. I don't thing either of you is familiar with our problems... +You'd love to prove that. Getting your name in the National Geographic. Larry, we can re-open the beaches in August. +Larry, we can re-open the beaches in August. August! Tomorrow is the 4th of July, and we are going to open for business. It's going to be our best summer in years. If you're so concerned about the beaches, you two, you do whatever you have to to keep them safe, but with you or without you, the beaches stay open this weekend. +Got a pen on you? Why? +Why? There's only one thing you're good for anymore -- signing a damn voucher. Here. It's an authorization to employ a contractor. +There's only one thing you're good for anymore -- signing a damn voucher. Here. It's an authorization to employ a contractor. I don't know if I can do that without a... +I don't know if I can do that without a... I'm going to hire Quint to kill the fish. I want to see that shark dead. +I'm going to hire Quint to kill the fish. I want to see that shark dead. Maybe we can save August... +Maybe we can save August... Forget it. This summer's had it. Next summer's had it. You're the mayor of Shark City. You wanted to keep the beaches open. What happens when the town finds out about that? +Forget it. This summer's had it. Next summer's had it. You're the mayor of Shark City. You wanted to keep the beaches open. What happens when the town finds out about that? I was acting in the town's best interests... +I was acting in the town's best interests... The best interest in this town would be to see that fish belly-up in the water with a hole in his head. You do the right thing. You authorize me. Right there. Whatever it costs. +The best interest in this town would be to see that fish belly-up in the water with a hole in his head. You do the right thing. You authorize me. Right there. Whatever it costs. My kids were on that beach... +My kids were on that beach... Just sign it, Larry. +There's a fantail launch out there that won't make it beyond the breakwater. You're tellin' me. I swear, this town has gone crazy. +You're tellin' me. I swear, this town has gone crazy. Officer, I wonder if you could tell me where I could find Chief Brody? +Officer, I wonder if you could tell me where I could find Chief Brody? Who are you? +Who are you? Hooper, Matt Hooper. From the Oceanographic Institute. +...height and weight may only be estimated from partial remains. Torso severed in mid-thorax, eviscerated with no major organs remaining. May I have a drink of water? Right arm severed above the elbow with massive tissue loss from upper musculature. Portions of denuded bone remaining. -- did you notify the coast guard? No, it was local jurisdiction. +No, it was local jurisdiction. Left arm, head, shoulders, sternum and portions of ribcage intact. Please don't smoke. With minor post- mortem lacerations and abrasions. Bite marks indicate typical non-frenzy feeding pattern of large squali, possibly carchaninus lonimanus, or isurus glaucas. Gross tissue loss and post-mortem erosion of bite surfaces prevent detailed analysis; however, teeth and jaws of the attacking squali must be considered above average for these waters. -- Did you go out in a boat and look around? +Left arm, head, shoulders, sternum and portions of ribcage intact. Please don't smoke. With minor post- mortem lacerations and abrasions. Bite marks indicate typical non-frenzy feeding pattern of large squali, possibly carchaninus lonimanus, or isurus glaucas. Gross tissue loss and post-mortem erosion of bite surfaces prevent detailed analysis; however, teeth and jaws of the attacking squali must be considered above average for these waters. -- Did you go out in a boat and look around? No, we just checked the beach... +No, we just checked the beach... It wasn't an 'accident,' it wasn't a boat propeller, or a coral reef, or Jack the Ripper. It was a shark. It was a shark. +Well, if one man can catch a fish in 50 days, then I guess 50 of these bozos can catch a fish in one day -- beginner's luck. You did it! Did Ben Gardner catch this? +I didn't say this wasn't the shark, I just said I wasn't sure this was the one... What d'ya mean? +What d'ya mean? There are hundreds of different kinds of sharks; makos, blues, hammerheads, white-tips... any one of them could've attacked. Look -- shark digestion is slow. We could open this one up, and find whatever he's been eating is still inside. +Dynamite! How was your day...? Swell. +We ought to let it breathe... Whatever. Let's all have a drink. +Drowning. Lemme ask you something. Is it true most attacks take place in three feet of water, around 10 feet from the beach? Yeah. Like the kid on your beach. I wish I could've examined that shark they caught... +Yeah. Like the kid on your beach. I wish I could've examined that shark they caught... Something else. Do most attacks go unreported? +Something else. Do most attacks go unreported? About half of them. A lot of 'missing swimmers' are really shark victims. +About half of them. A lot of 'missing swimmers' are really shark victims. There's a kind of a lone shark, called, uh... +There's a kind of a lone shark, called, uh... Rogue? +Rogue? Yeah. Rogue. Picks out an area where there's food and hangs out there as long as the food supply lasts? +Yeah. Rogue. Picks out an area where there's food and hangs out there as long as the food supply lasts? It's called Territoriality. It's a theory. +It's called Territoriality. It's a theory. And before 1900, when people first starting swimming for recreation, before public bathing and resorts, there were very few shark attacks, cause sharks didn't know what they were missing? +And before 1900, when people first starting swimming for recreation, before public bathing and resorts, there were very few shark attacks, cause sharks didn't know what they were missing? You could say that. +...And it was Dartmouth Winter weekend, and she was Homecoming Queen, and I was her date; then she got into the fact that her family had more money than my family, and she was right -- her great-grandfather was in mining, and my ancestors were Yankee shipbuilders. So we broke up and I went home with some beatnik from Sarah Lawrence. What stinks so bad? +What stinks so bad? Our friend, the shark. +What's that? Half a flounder. Hmmm... a burlap bag... a paint can... aha! +Half a flounder. Hmmm... a burlap bag... a paint can... aha! What? What?! +What? What?! Just as I thought. He drifted up here with the Gulf Stream, from southern waters. +Just as I thought. He drifted up here with the Gulf Stream, from southern waters. How can you tell? +How can you tell? Florida license plate. +Florida license plate. He ate a car? +He ate a car? No, but Tiger sharks are the garbage cans of the ocean. They eat anything. But this one didn't eat any people. There's nothing here... +...Nothing. What do we do? +What do we do? If you're looking for a shark, you don't look on land. You go out and chum for him. +If you're looking for a shark, you don't look on land. You go out and chum for him. Chum? +Chum? Only one sure way to find him -- offer him a little something to eat. Chum -- blood, waste meat, fish, anything. They can sense it miles away. If he's out there, we might be able to get a closer look at him. It's a good time, too. They're night feeders... +What is all this stuff? Depth-finder, fathometer, sonar, closed-circuit TV -- fore and aft -- RDF, single side band... And two loose nuts behind the wheel. +Depth-finder, fathometer, sonar, closed-circuit TV -- fore and aft -- RDF, single side band... And two loose nuts behind the wheel. Can you tell from that if a big man- eater is around? +Can you tell from that if a big man- eater is around? Sometimes. Look here -- something big, probably a school of mackerel clumped together. And staying right with us. +Where'd you get all this? I Bought it. Both sets of grandparents set up trust funds for me; stocks went up, so I don't have to touch my principal. +I Bought it. Both sets of grandparents set up trust funds for me; stocks went up, so I don't have to touch my principal. You're at the Institute full time? Or do you have a job? +You're at the Institute full time? Or do you have a job? It is a job. I'm not fooling around like some amateur. It's my life! +It is a job. I'm not fooling around like some amateur. It's my life! We gotta get back soon... +What happened? I want to check something. Hold my feet. +Don't they have lifejackets or something? An extra boat? They must've hit something. +He didn't have a dinghy aboard. I'm going down to take a look at his hull. Why don't we just tow it in? +Why don't we just tow it in? We will. There's something I've got to find out. +We will. There's something I've got to find out. Be careful, for chrissake. +You all right? A White! A Great White, I found a tooth buried in the hull. He must've attacked... I knew it... Gardner's dead in there. I didn't see the mate... +A White! A Great White, I found a tooth buried in the hull. He must've attacked... I knew it... Gardner's dead in there. I didn't see the mate... No shark did that to a boat! +There is a kind of shark called a Great White Shark that every expert in the world agrees is a maneater. You're situation here suggests that a Great White has staked out a claim in the waters around Amity Island, and that he will continue to feed here as long as there is food in the water. +You're situation here suggests that a Great White has staked out a claim in the waters around Amity Island, and that he will continue to feed here as long as there is food in the water. There's no limits to where he can strike, and we've had three attacks and two deaths in the past few days. It happened like this before, in 1916, when a Great White killed five swimmers at Jones Beach, in Long Island. +There's no limits to where he can strike, and we've had three attacks and two deaths in the past few days. It happened like this before, in 1916, when a Great White killed five swimmers at Jones Beach, in Long Island. A shark's attack is stimulated by the kind of splashing and activity that occurs whenever humans go swimming -- you can't avoid it! +A shark's attack is stimulated by the kind of splashing and activity that occurs whenever humans go swimming -- you can't avoid it! A 4th of July beach is like ringing a dinner bell, for Chrissake! +A 4th of July beach is like ringing a dinner bell, for Chrissake! I just pulled a shark tooth the size of a shot glass out of the hull of a wrecked boat out there. +I just pulled a shark tooth the size of a shot glass out of the hull of a wrecked boat out there. We towed Ben Gardner's boat in, Larry; he was dead and his boat was all chewed up. +I'm familiar with the fact that you are going to ignore this thing until it swims up and bites you on the ass! There are only two ways to solve this thing: you can kill it, or you can cut off its food supply... That means closing the beaches. +Wait a minute! I need you. Out there is a Perfect Engine, an Eating Machine that is a miracle of evolution -- it swims and eats and that's all. Look at that! Those proportions are correct. I know sharks. +I hope we get some more help. I wish it would rain... +This has got to be one big violation... This is quite a place. +What's that, a ship? You were on the Indianapolis? In '45? Jesus... +What the hell? It's a whale out there. +Don't shoot him any more! He's crazy on his own blood already! I can't stand here doing nothing! +Quint...? No... You think we can get back with those? +What day is this? Wednesday... No, it's Tuesday, I think. +Wednesday... No, it's Tuesday, I think. Think the tide's with us? +Think the tide's with us? Just keep kicking. +Just keep kicking. Y'know, I used to hate the water... +Y'know, I used to hate the water... I can't imagine why. +Christine what? Worthingsly... Worthington -- no one ever died on me before. +Worthingsly... Worthington -- no one ever died on me before. You picked her up on the ferry. +You picked her up on the ferry. I didn't know her. +I didn't know her. And nobody else saw her in the water? +And nobody else saw her in the water? Somebody could've -- I was sort of passed out. +Somebody could've -- I was sort of passed out. Think she might've run out on you? +Think she might've run out on you? Oh, no, sir. I've never had a woman do that. I'm sure she drowned. +Oh, no, sir. I've never had a woman do that. I'm sure she drowned. You from around here? +You from around here? No. Cambridge. Harvard. My family's in Tuxedo, New York, though. +No. Cambridge. Harvard. My family's in Tuxedo, New York, though. You here for the summer? +You here for the summer? Some friends and me took a house. +Some friends and me took a house. What d'you pay for a place just for the summer? +What d'you pay for a place just for the summer? A thousand apiece, something like that. There's five of us. And we each kick in a hundred a week for beer and cleaning, stuff like that. +A thousand apiece, something like that. There's five of us. And we each kick in a hundred a week for beer and cleaning, stuff like that. Pretty stiff. +Where'd you hide the 'Beach Closed' signs? We never had any. What's the problem? +Polly told me to tell you there's a scout troop in Avril Bay doing the mile swim for their Merit Badges. I couldn't call them in, there's no phone out there. Get out of there – take these back to the office and make up some 'Beach Closed' signs, and let Polly do the printing. +Get out of there – take these back to the office and make up some 'Beach Closed' signs, and let Polly do the printing. What's the matter with my printing? +...So then Denherder and Charlie sat there trying to catch their breath, and figuring out how to explain to Charlie's wife what happened to her freezer full of meat. That wasn't funny. +Mrs. Kintner must've put her ad in Field and Stream. Looks more like the readers of the National Enquirer. +We're not even sure what it was. What else could've done that? +...and Bill Mayhew almost caught him in his net...? Doctor, you're the one who told me what it was! +Look, I've got to talk to her. This isn't a contest we want the whole country entering. I agree. If she's going to advertise, I wouldn't recommend out-of-town papers. Amity people could take care of this. +I agree. If she's going to advertise, I wouldn't recommend out-of-town papers. Amity people could take care of this. I'm responsible for public safety around here... +I'd like to tell you what we're doing so far. These are some of the steps I've taken as Chief of Police... What's going on with the beaches, Chief? +You wanna call it a night after here? It's only two-thirty. What, are you tired? +It's only two-thirty. What, are you tired? Yeah, Charlie, I got my second wind three nibbles back. +Leg of lamb this time? Screw lamb -- let's shoot the sirloin! +Screw lamb -- let's shoot the sirloin! We're blowin' half the bounty on bait -- +One more after this, then I'm going home. Set? +You do this all the time, right, Charlie? Twenty years. +Twenty years. I can't believe that people pay money to go fishing. This is really dumb. This isn't even relaxing... it's just boring. +Look at him take it! Do I set the goddam hook? +Do I set the goddam hook? Let him do it! Go-go-go-go-go! +Hi. I'm Matt Hooper. If your husband is here, I'd like to talk to him. So would I. Come on in. +Would you like something? Some coffee? Is anyone having this...? +My husband tells me you're in sharks. I wouldn't put it that way. But I love sharks. +I wouldn't put it that way. But I love sharks. You love sharks? +You love sharks? I do. But you've still got a problem here, there's a shark just off the island somewhere. +Here's to your husband, the only other rational man on the island. Day after tomorrow, I'll be gone, and he'll be the only one. You're leaving? +You're leaving? Going out on the 'Aurora.' +Going out on the 'Aurora.' Is that a boat? +Is that a boat? Is it! The best-funded research expedition to ever study the shark... around the world in 18 months. +Is it! The best-funded research expedition to ever study the shark... around the world in 18 months. Like those Cousteau specials on television? I think it's for the kids, but I love them. +Like those Cousteau specials on television? I think it's for the kids, but I love them. Better than Cousteau, or Compagno with computers, telemetry, Defense Department funding... +Better than Cousteau, or Compagno with computers, telemetry, Defense Department funding... I saw a show with sea otters, and a big turtle... Mikey loved it. Made me promise to get him one. Will you live on the boat? +I saw a show with sea otters, and a big turtle... Mikey loved it. Made me promise to get him one. Will you live on the boat? Yep. +Yep. Martin hates boats. Hates the water. On the ferry to the mainland, he sits in the car the whole way over. He's got this childhood thing, there's a clinical word for it. +...push this? Oh. It's working. Hello, Martin? This is Quint, Missus. +This is Quint, Missus. I just wanted to know if you were all right... the Coast Guard let me use their radio. Is Chief Brody there? +I just wanted to know if you were all right... the Coast Guard let me use their radio. Is Chief Brody there? He's busy. +He's busy. Well... is everything all right? +Well... is everything all right? Just fine, Missus. We'll be back soon. Everything's fine. We haven't seen anything yet. Orca out. +What have you got there, Lenny? We had a shark attack at South Chop this morning, Mayor. Fatal. Gotta batten down the beach. +Who've you told this to, Lenny? I just found out about it -- but there's a bunch of Boy Scouts in the water a coupla miles down the coast from where we found the girl. Avril Bay, thereabouts. Chief went to dry them off. +I just found out about it -- but there's a bunch of Boy Scouts in the water a coupla miles down the coast from where we found the girl. Avril Bay, thereabouts. Chief went to dry them off. Take my car, okay? You come with us, Lenny. +Take my car, okay? You come with us, Lenny. I've got all these signs here... +I've got all these signs here... C'mon, it'll give us time to think about what they're going to say. +I've been to sea since I was 12. I've crewed three Trans-pacs -- Transplants? +Transplants? -- and an America's Cup Trials... +-- and an America's Cup Trials... I'm not talking about day sailing or pleasure boating. I'm talking about working for a living. Sharking. +I'm not talking about day sailing or pleasure boating. I'm talking about working for a living. Sharking. And I'm not talking about hooking some poor dogfish or sand shark. I'm talking about a Great White. +And I'm not talking about hooking some poor dogfish or sand shark. I'm talking about a Great White. Are you now. I know about porkers in the water -- Here. Tie me a sheepshank. +I don't need to pass basic seamanship. Let me see your hands... +Ha. City hands. You been counting money. If you had a $5000 net and $2000 worth of fish in it, and along comes Mr. White, and makes it look like a kiddy scissors class has gone to work on it and made paper dolls. If you'd ever worked for a living, you'd know what that means. Look, I don't need to hear any of this working class hero crap. Some party boat skipper who's killed a few sharks... +Hey, Squirt! You want to stow this gear or you want me to use it for ballast? It ain't good for much but bait. I'll see ya. Tell Dorothy hello. +Hello, Junior. What are you? Some kind of half-assed astronaut? Jesus Christ, when I was a kid, every little squirt wanted to be a harpooner or a sword fisherman. What d'ya have there -- a portable shower? Anti-Shark cage. +Anti-Shark cage. Who's inside, you or the shark? +What's that supposed to prove? Just a little appetizer. I want our porker to know we're serving. I want to put some iron into that big yap... +Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Hell, in the old days we went out with good charts, good sounding lead, and a damn good compass. Nowadays, these kids are afraid to go out without depth finders, radar, radio, electric toothbrush, every stupid thing... +Watch it! Compressed air -- you screw around with one of those and Boom! Careful, huh? Real fine stuff but it won't mean a thing to Mr. Whitey, of course... he didn't go to schools in electronics. He was born with what he does best. Eat. He's a swimming appetite. 'Course he might eat this stuff, but then I've seen him eat a rocking chair, too. Next time, ask me. +That's pilot whale, isn't it? It ain't a Big Mac. The expert don't approve. What do you thing? You're closer to the situation. +Hey, you! Farmer! Half-speed there... Aye, Aye SIR. Stand by to repel boarders. Poop the mainsail. Argh, Jim Boy. +Gettin' ready to run again -- no? No? What's he playin' here? Put the gloves on! Let's see who's gonna tease who now! Let it go, don't waste your time. +Let it go, don't waste your time. Down here, Hooper! +I don't know what it is, but it's not a shark. Look -- you may be a big Yahoo in the lab, but out here you're just supercargo, and you'll do as I say, or you can take your gear and backstroke home. Now get down here! +A marlin, or a stingray. Huh. Don't ever tell me my business again. Get back up on the bridge. I'm okay... +I'm okay... Fasten the pole. +Over there! What do you see? +What do you see? At least you handle the boat all right. Stop. Here... Cut the engine. +20 feet, if it's an inch... 25 feet. And three tons of him there. +Wire burn. Trying to stop a backstay from taking my head off. Moray Eel. Bit right through a wet suit. +Face and head scars come from amateur amusements in the bar room. This love line here... ...that's from some crazy Frenchie come after me with a knife. I caught him with a good right hand right in the snot locker and laid him amongst the sweetpeas. Ever see one like this? +Bull shark scraped me while I was taking samples... Nothing! A pleasure scar. Look here -- +I'll drink to your leg. And I'll drink to yours. +...Mako. Fell out of the tail rope and onto the deck. You don't get bitten by one of those bastards but twice -- your first and your last. I think I can top that, Mister... +Don't tell me -- 'Death Before Dishonor.' 'Mother.' 'Semper Fi.' Uhhh... 'Don't Tread on Me.' C'mon -- what? 'U.S.S Indianapolis.' 1944. +Easy! It'll tear right out! The shaft is giving. +Coming right to us! No -- comin' right at us! Slow ahead, he'll hit us head on -- Slower! Throttle back --- +He's heading under -- ! No way! He can't! +Follow him! He's under! +What can that gun of yours do? Power head with 20 ccs of strychnine nitrate. If I can hit him. I can kill him. But I gotta be close. Very close. +That's disgusting! This is the largest, meanest, most vicious shark ever landed off Amity Island, and a known maneater! Let's just cut him open and see what's inside... +I'm sorry, Martin. She's in a sick, terrible state. Look, maybe this is the wrong time to pursue this, but I'm not sure... +Is that tooth here? Did anyone see it? I don't have it. +Carcaradon carcharias. A Great White. Well, I'm not going to commit economic suicide on that flimsy evidence. We depend on the summer people for our lives, and if our beaches are closed, then we're all finished. +Sick vandalism! Brody, that's a deliberate mutilation of a public service message! I want those little paint-happy bastards caught and hung up by their baby Buster Browns! That's it! I'm standing here arguing with a guy who can't wait to be a hot lunch. Goodbye. +Paul? Are you coming downstairs to eat? I don't think so. +I don't think so. You ran eight miles today, Puppy. +You ran eight miles today, Puppy. I'm not hungry, oddly. +I'm not hungry, oddly. But it's breakfast for supper. Your favorite, Paulie. I made French toast and sausage. Patties, not linkies, just like you like it. +Juno MacGuff called while you were out running. She wants to know if you're coming to her little coffeehouse performance on Saturday. Thanks for the message. +Thanks for the message. You know how I feel about her. +You know how I feel about her. You've mentioned it about fifty times. +You've mentioned it about fifty times. I just hope you don't consider her a close friend. +Hey Bleek. Hey, cool tiger. Looks proud. +Hey, cool tiger. Looks proud. Yeah, I swiped it from Ms. Rancick. +Yeah, I swiped it from Ms. Rancick. Cool. +Cool. Your shorts are looking especially gold today. +Your shorts are looking especially gold today. My mom uses color-safe bleach. +My mom uses color-safe bleach. Go Carole. So, guess what? +Go Carole. So, guess what? I don't know... +I don't know... I'm pregnant. +When I see them all running like that, with their things bouncing around in their shorts, I always picture them naked, even if I don't want to. I have intrusive thoughts all the time. I'm supposed to be running. +I'm supposed to be running. I know. +So, what do you think we should do? I thought I might, you know, nip it in the bud before it gets worse. Because I heard in health class that pregnancy often results in an infant. +I thought I might, you know, nip it in the bud before it gets worse. Because I heard in health class that pregnancy often results in an infant. Yeah, typically. That's what happens when our moms and teachers get pregnant. +Yeah, typically. That's what happens when our moms and teachers get pregnant. So that's cool with you, then? +So that's cool with you, then? Yeah, wizard, I guess. I mean do what you think is right. +Yeah, wizard, I guess. I mean do what you think is right. I'm real sorry I had sex with you. I know it wasn't your idea. +I'm real sorry I had sex with you. I know it wasn't your idea. Whose idea was it? +Whose idea was it? I'll see you at school, O.K.? +Well! Nothing like experimenting. I did the prep questions for this lab last night. You can copy my answers if you need to. +Oh, I couldn't copy your work. But you copy my work every week. +But you copy my work every week. Oh yeah. I'm kind of a deadbeat lab partner, huh? +Oh yeah. I'm kind of a deadbeat lab partner, huh? I don't mind. You definitely bring something to the table. +I don't mind. You definitely bring something to the table. Charisma? +Charisma? Or something. +Hey Juno... A couple of us are going to the cineplex after school to donut that movie with the guy with eighteen kids. Sorry, Bleek... Going for my ultrasound. Gotta note and everything. +Sorry, Bleek... Going for my ultrasound. Gotta note and everything. Okay, cool. +Okay, cool. I'll try to drop by later. +What's up? I just wanted to come over. You know, say hi. I miss hanging out with you on school nights. +I just wanted to come over. You know, say hi. I miss hanging out with you on school nights. I miss it too. +So, it looks like you're getting pregnant-er these days. Yeah. Um, I hooked up a whole private adoption thing. These married people in Saint Cloud are going to be the parents. +Really? What are they like? The guy is super cool! His name is Mark and he's into old horror movies and he plays guitar. I actually hung out with him today. +The guy is super cool! His name is Mark and he's into old horror movies and he plays guitar. I actually hung out with him today. Is that normal? +Is that normal? I asked my dad and Bren not to narc us out to your folks, so we should be safe. +I asked my dad and Bren not to narc us out to your folks, so we should be safe. Oh. That's a relief. +I'm going to really start looking like a dork soon. Will you still think I'm cute if I'm huge? I always think you're cute. I think you're beautiful. +Jesus, Bleek. Well, I do. +Hey Junebug, when all this is over we should get the band back together again. Yeah. Sure. Once Tino gets a new drumhead we should be good to go. +Yeah. Sure. Once Tino gets a new drumhead we should be good to go. We could get back together too. +We could get back together too. Were we together? +Well, we were once. You know, that time. What about Katrina De Voort? You could go out with Katrina De Voort. +What about Katrina De Voort? You could go out with Katrina De Voort. I don't like Katrina. +I don't like Katrina. I totally heard you did. +I totally heard you did. I don't. Katrina smells like soup. Her whole house smells of soup. +Are you honestly and truly going to prom with Katrina De Voort? Um, hi? +Um, hi? Leah just told me you were going with her. +Leah just told me you were going with her. Yeah, I did ask her if she wanted to go. A bunch of us from the team are going to Benihana, then the prom, then Vijay's parents' cabin. +We're getting a stretch limo. Your mom must be really glad you're not taking me. +Your mom must be really glad you're not taking me. You're mad. Why are you mad? +You're mad. Why are you mad? I'm not mad. I'm in a fucking great mood. Despite the fact that I'm trapped in a fat suit I can't take off, despite the fact that everyone is making fun of me behind my back, despite the fact that your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday... +I'm not mad. I'm in a fucking great mood. Despite the fact that I'm trapped in a fat suit I can't take off, despite the fact that everyone is making fun of me behind my back, despite the fact that your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday... Katrina's not my girlfriend! And I doubt she was actually giving you the stinkeye. She just looks like that all the time. +You're being really immature. What? +That's not how our thing works! I hurl the accusations and you talk me down, remember? Not this time. You don't have any reason to be mad at me. You broke my heart. I should be royally ticked at you, man. I should be really cheesed off. I shouldn't want to talk to you anymore. +Not this time. You don't have any reason to be mad at me. You broke my heart. I should be royally ticked at you, man. I should be really cheesed off. I shouldn't want to talk to you anymore. Why? Because I got bored and had sex with you one day, and then I didn't, like, marry you? +Why? Because I got bored and had sex with you one day, and then I didn't, like, marry you? "Like I'd marry you! You would be the meanest wife of all time. And anyway, I know you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV. The Blair Witch Project was on Starz, and you were like, ""Oh, I want to watch this, but we should make out instead. La la la.""" +"Like I'd marry you! You would be the meanest wife of all time. And anyway, I know you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV. The Blair Witch Project was on Starz, and you were like, ""Oh, I want to watch this, but we should make out instead. La la la.""" Forget it, Bleek. Take Katrina the Douche Packer to the prom. I'm sure you guys will have a really bitchin' time! +Forget it, Bleek. Take Katrina the Douche Packer to the prom. I'm sure you guys will have a really bitchin' time! Yeah, well... I still have your underwear. +Yeah, well... I still have your underwear. I still have your virginity! +I still have your virginity! Oh my God, SHUT UP! +Oh my God, SHUT UP! What? Are you ashamed that we did it? +What? Are you ashamed that we did it? No... +No... Well at least you don't have to walk around with the evidence under your sweater. I'm a planet! +Wait, let me take that. Huh? +Huh? You shouldn't be carrying that heavy bag. I'll take it. +You shouldn't be carrying that heavy bag. I'll take it. Oh. It's fine. What's another ten pounds? +Did you put like a hundred things of Tic Tacs in my mailbox? Yeah. That was me. +Yeah. That was me. Why? +Why? Because they're your fave. And you can never have too much of your favorite one-calorie breath mint. +Because they're your fave. And you can never have too much of your favorite one-calorie breath mint. Well... thanks. I think I'm pretty much set until college on the Tic Tac front. +Well... thanks. I think I'm pretty much set until college on the Tic Tac front. You know, I've been thinking. I'm really sorry I was such a huge bitch to you. You didn't deserve that. You never deserve any of the poo I unload on you. +You know, I've been thinking. I'm really sorry I was such a huge bitch to you. You didn't deserve that. You never deserve any of the poo I unload on you. You know it's okay. +You know it's okay. Also, I think I'm in love with you. +Also, I think I'm in love with you. What, you mean as friends? +What, you mean as friends? No, for real. I think you are the coolest person I've ever met. And you don't even have to try. +No, for real. I think you are the coolest person I've ever met. And you don't even have to try. I try really hard, actually... +I try really hard, actually... "No, you're naturally smart. You always think of the funniest things to do. Remember when you passed me that postcard during Spanish class, and it was addressed like, ""Junebug MacGuff, Row 4, Third Seat From the Blackboard""? And it said, ""I'm having fun in Barcelona -- wish you were here""? That was hilarious." +"No, you're naturally smart. You always think of the funniest things to do. Remember when you passed me that postcard during Spanish class, and it was addressed like, ""Junebug MacGuff, Row 4, Third Seat From the Blackboard""? And it said, ""I'm having fun in Barcelona -- wish you were here""? That was hilarious." I was just bored. I only think school is awesome like, 80% of the time. +I was just bored. I only think school is awesome like, 80% of the time. Plus, you're the only person who doesn't stare at my stomach all the fucking time. You actually look at my face. And every time I look at you, the baby starts kicking me super hard. +Plus, you're the only person who doesn't stare at my stomach all the fucking time. You actually look at my face. And every time I look at you, the baby starts kicking me super hard. It does? +Wizard! I think it's because my heart starts pounding when I see you. +I think it's because my heart starts pounding when I see you. Mine too. +Mine too. Basically, I'm completely smitten with you, and I don't care if I'm making an ass out of myself right now, because you've seen me make an ass out of myself a million times, and you still want to be my friend. +Basically, I'm completely smitten with you, and I don't care if I'm making an ass out of myself right now, because you've seen me make an ass out of myself a million times, and you still want to be my friend. Well, yeah. You're the best friend I've ever had, even when you're being kind of evil. +Well, yeah. You're the best friend I've ever had, even when you're being kind of evil. That's all I need from you. That's more than I could ever ask for. You're just golden, dude. +That's all I need from you. That's more than I could ever ask for. You're just golden, dude. Can we make out now? +Can we make out now? Okay. +You're a part time lover and a fulltime friend. The monkey on your back is the latest trend. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. Here is the church and here is the steeple. We sure are cute for two ugly people. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. +Here is the church and here is the steeple. We sure are cute for two ugly people. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. We both have shiny happy fits of rage. You want more fans, I want more stage. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. +We both have shiny happy fits of rage. You want more fans, I want more stage. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. You are always trying to keep it real. I'm in love with how you feel. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. +You are always trying to keep it real. I'm in love with how you feel. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train. I kiss you all starryeyed, my body's swinging from side to side. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. +I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train. I kiss you all starryeyed, my body's swinging from side to side. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me. So why can't you forgive me? I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. +Hey man. Oh, hey Vijay. +Oh, hey Vijay. Did you hear Juno MacGuff is pregnant? +Did you hear Juno MacGuff is pregnant? Yup. +Yup. Just like our moms and teachers! +Just like our moms and teachers! Yup. +Yup. Did you hear it's yours? +Did you hear it's yours? Yup. +Yup. What a trip, man. +What a trip, man. I don't really know anything about it. +I don't really know anything about it. You should grow a moustache. You're a real man now. +You should grow a moustache. You're a real man now. I can't grow a moustache. It never comes in evenly. +I can't grow a moustache. It never comes in evenly. Me neither. But I'm going to stop wearing underpants in order to raise my sperm count. See you. +What? I'm not made of stone. Well, there we have it. Would you like to know the sex? +Wait, what's that supposed to mean? I just see a lot of teenage mothers come through here. It's obviously a poisonous environment for a baby to be raised in. +They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they'll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass stepdaughter ever would. Have you considered that? No... I guess not. +No... I guess not. What is your job title, exactly? +What is your job title, exactly? Excuse me? +Excuse me? I said, what-is-your-job-title, Missy? +I said, what-is-your-job-title, Missy? I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am. +I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am. Well I'm a nail technician, and I think we both ought to stick to what we know. +Well I'm a nail technician, and I think we both ought to stick to what we know. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? You think you're special because you get to play Picture Pages up there? +Nails? Really? No, I mean the father! Who's the father, Juno? +Just tell it to me straight, Bren. Do you think this is my fault? Her mother's fault? I think kids get bored and have intercourse. And I think Junebug was a dummy about it. But we have to move on from here and help her figure it out. +I think kids get bored and have intercourse. And I think Junebug was a dummy about it. But we have to move on from here and help her figure it out. I'm not ready to be a Pop-Pop. +I'm not ready to be a Pop-Pop. You're not going to be a Pop-Pop. And Juno's not going to be a ma. Somebody else is going to find a precious blessing from Jesus in this garbage dump of a situation. I friggin' hope. +You're not going to be a Pop-Pop. And Juno's not going to be a ma. Somebody else is going to find a precious blessing from Jesus in this garbage dump of a situation. I friggin' hope. Did you see it coming when she sat us down here? +Did you see it coming when she sat us down here? Oh God yeah. But I was hoping she was expelled or into hard drugs. +Oh God yeah. But I was hoping she was expelled or into hard drugs. That was my first instinct too. Or D.W.I. Anything but this. And I'm going to punch that Bleeker kid in the weiner the next time I see him. +That was my first instinct too. Or D.W.I. Anything but this. And I'm going to punch that Bleeker kid in the weiner the next time I see him. Oh Mac, no! He's a sweet kid. You know it wasn't his idea. +Juno? Did you happen to barf in my urn? Mac, you know that nice urn by the front door, the one I got up in Stillwater? I found some weird blue shit, I mean stuff, gunk, in there this morning. I would never barf in your urn, Brenda. Maybe L.B. did it. +I have no idea how to spit this out. Hon, did you get expelled? +Hon, did you get expelled? No. The school would probably contact you in the event of my expulsion. +No. The school would probably contact you in the event of my expulsion. Well, I was just asking. It seemed plausible. +Oh, God... But I'm going to give it up for adoption. I already found the perfect people. +But they have a real lawyer and everything. I'm going to meet with them next weekend. Junebug, that is a tough, tough thing to do. Probably tougher than you can understand right now. +Junebug, that is a tough, tough thing to do. Probably tougher than you can understand right now. Well, I'm not ready to be a mom. +No. Well, you're a brave young lady. You're made of stronger stuff than I thought. You're a little Viking! +Well, you're a brave young lady. You're made of stronger stuff than I thought. You're a little Viking! Cool it. +Cool it. First things first, we have to get you healthy. You need prenatal vitamins. Incidentally, they'll do incredible things for your nails, so that's a plus. Oh, and we need to schedule a doctor's appointment. Find out where you're going to deliver. +First things first, we have to get you healthy. You need prenatal vitamins. Incidentally, they'll do incredible things for your nails, so that's a plus. Oh, and we need to schedule a doctor's appointment. Find out where you're going to deliver. "The term ""deliver"" is so weird. Can we not say ""deliver""?" +Where the hell have you been, Junebug? I drove to St. Cloud to show Mark and Vanessa the ultrasound. And I wound up staying for a couple of hours. +I drove to St. Cloud to show Mark and Vanessa the ultrasound. And I wound up staying for a couple of hours. A couple of hours? Why are you going up there in the first place? +A couple of hours? Why are you going up there in the first place? They said they wanted to know about this stuff. They said to keep them updated, so I did! +They said they wanted to know about this stuff. They said to keep them updated, so I did! You could have sent it to them. Why would you drive an hour out to East Jesus, Nowhere? +You could have sent it to them. Why would you drive an hour out to East Jesus, Nowhere? I don't know, I just did. And while we were waiting for Vanessa, Mark and I watched The Wizard of Gore and he burned me some CDs of weird music. He's kind of cool. +That was a mistake, Juno. Mark is a married stranger. You overstepped a boundary. Listen, Bren-duhhh, I think you're the one overstepping boundaries. You're acting like you're the one who has to go through this and get huge and push a baby out of your vag for someone else. Besides, who cares if he's married? I can have friends who are married. +Listen, Bren-duhhh, I think you're the one overstepping boundaries. You're acting like you're the one who has to go through this and get huge and push a baby out of your vag for someone else. Besides, who cares if he's married? I can have friends who are married. It doesn't work that way, kiddo. You don't know squat about the dynamics of marriage. +It doesn't work that way, kiddo. You don't know squat about the dynamics of marriage. You don't know anything about me! +You don't know anything about me! I know enough. +We don't even have a dog! Yeah, because you're allergic to their saliva. I've made a lot of sacrifices for you, Juno. And in a couple years you're going to move out -- and I'm getting Weimaraners. +Yeah, because you're allergic to their saliva. I've made a lot of sacrifices for you, Juno. And in a couple years you're going to move out -- and I'm getting Weimaraners. Wow, dream big! +Wow, dream big! Oh, go fly a kite. +Ow, ow, fuckity-ow. Bren, when do I get that Spinal Tap thing? It's called a spinal block, and you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough. +It's called a spinal block, and you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough. You mean I have to wait for it to get even worse? Why can't they just give it to me now? +You mean I have to wait for it to get even worse? Why can't they just give it to me now? Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream. +Shit. Hey, can we give my kid the damn spinal tap already? It really didn't hurt that bad having him. +So, Juno. First off, how far along are you? I'm a junior. +I'm a junior. No, I mean in your pregnancy. +No, I mean in your pregnancy. Oh. Uh, my stepmom took me to the doctor yesterday and they said I was twelve weeks. +Yeah. Yeah! The way people used to do it. Quick and dirty, like ripping off a Band-Aid. Well, then we agree a traditional closed adoption would be best for all involved, then? +Well, then we agree a traditional closed adoption would be best for all involved, then? Shit, yeah. Close it up. +Amanda, I told you to go to the infirmary and lie down. You never listen. No Josh, I don't take orders. Not from you and not from any man. +No Josh, I don't take orders. Not from you and not from any man. You know, you've been acting like this ever since I went up to see my brother at Mankato. I told you, nothing happened! +You know, you've been acting like this ever since I went up to see my brother at Mankato. I told you, nothing happened! Something happened. Because your eyes? Are very cold? They're very cold, Josh. They're cold, lying eyes. +Something happened. Because your eyes? Are very cold? They're very cold, Josh. They're cold, lying eyes. What? My eyes are not lying! +What? My eyes are not lying! Yes they are, Josh. Since Mankato, they have been lying eyes. +Good. Call me when you're OFF the rag. Fine. Call me when you learn how to love just one person and not cheat at your brother's college just because you had four Smirnoff Ices and a bottle of Snow Peak Peach flavored Boone's! +Fine. Call me when you learn how to love just one person and not cheat at your brother's college just because you had four Smirnoff Ices and a bottle of Snow Peak Peach flavored Boone's! Good, I'll be sure to do that, Amanda. I'll make a note of it. +This is our attorney, Gerta Rauss. Geeeerta Rauuuss! +No. Cool. Well, let's sit down and get to know each other a bit. +So, let's discuss how we're gonna do this... thing. Well, I just have the baby and give it to you, right? +Whoah. I don't want to see pictures. I don't need to be notified of anything. Can't we just kick it old school? I could just put the baby in a basket and send it your way. You know, like Moses in the reeds. Technically, that would be kickin' it Old Testament. +Whoops! Yikes, I didn't expect to see you up here. Sorry. I was just getting something. +Sorry. I was just getting something. Did your wife send you up here to spy on me? +Did your wife send you up here to spy on me? What? No! Do we come off like paranoid yuppies or something? +What? No! Do we come off like paranoid yuppies or something? Well, you don't just invite a random pregnant teenager into your house and leave her unsupervised. I could be a total klepto, for all you know. +Well, you don't just invite a random pregnant teenager into your house and leave her unsupervised. I could be a total klepto, for all you know. I don't get a klepto vibe from you. Evil genius? Maybe. Arsonist? Wouldn't rule it out. +I don't get a klepto vibe from you. Evil genius? Maybe. Arsonist? Wouldn't rule it out. I did steal a squirt of perfume. What do you think? It's Clinique Happy. +Am I supposed to feel happy now? You should be happy, Holmes. I'm giving you and Vanessa the gift of life. Sweet, screaming, pooping life! And you don't even have to be there when the baby comes out of me all covered in... +You should be happy, Holmes. I'm giving you and Vanessa the gift of life. Sweet, screaming, pooping life! And you don't even have to be there when the baby comes out of me all covered in... Viscera? +Viscera? Blood and guts. +Blood and guts. We'd better get back downstairs ASAP. +Oh. That's, uh, my room. Vanessa lets me have a room for all my old stuff. Wow, you get a whole room in your own house? She's got you on a long leash there, Mark. +Wow, you get a whole room in your own house? She's got you on a long leash there, Mark. Shut up. +It's beautiful. I've always liked Gibson better than Fender. What do you play? +What do you play? I rock a Harmony. +I rock a Harmony. Oh. +Oh. What? I'm a pawn shop rocker. +What? I'm a pawn shop rocker. Sorry. I swear I'm not a gear snob. +What is that, Mahogany? What happens if you crack the neck? Tell me about it. I used to play in a really tight band back when I lived in Chicago, and one night we opened for the Melvins... do you know who the Melvins are? +Tell me about it. I used to play in a really tight band back when I lived in Chicago, and one night we opened for the Melvins... do you know who the Melvins are? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, we were playing with them and I busted this guitar onstage. It cost me $800 and a dime bag just to have it fixed. +Well, we were playing with them and I busted this guitar onstage. It cost me $800 and a dime bag just to have it fixed. When was this, like '96? +When was this, like '96? '93. I'm telling you that was the best time for rock and roll. +'93. I'm telling you that was the best time for rock and roll. Nuh-uh, 1977! Punk Volume 1. You weren't there, so you can't understand the magic. +Nuh-uh, 1977! Punk Volume 1. You weren't there, so you can't understand the magic. You weren't even alive! +Your guitar is named Kimber? Yeah. +Yeah. That's all right. My axe is named Roosevelt. After Franklin, not Ted. Franklin was the hot one with the polio. +Juno? Wow, I didn't expect to see you here. I've got something really cool to show you guys. Is Vanessa here? +I've got something really cool to show you guys. Is Vanessa here? No, she's working late tonight. She's trying to accrue some extra time off for when, you know... +Right. I hear they can be kind of a time-suck. Come on in. You wanna Ginseng Cooler? +Come on in. You wanna Ginseng Cooler? Sure. What is it with you rich people and your herb-infused juices? +Sure. What is it with you rich people and your herb-infused juices? I don't know. Something to do with the four-packs... ...They're not bad. +Why aren't you at work? I mostly work from home. I'm a composer. +I mostly work from home. I'm a composer. No shit. Like Johannes Brahms? +No shit. Like Johannes Brahms? No, more commercial stuff. +No, more commercial stuff. Like what? +Like what? Commercials. +Commercials. Oh. +Oh. Have you seen those ads for Titanium Power men's deodorant? +Have you seen those ads for Titanium Power men's deodorant? Titanium Power! Get more snatch by the batch! +Titanium Power! Get more snatch by the batch! I wrote that. +I wrote that. You're kind of a sellout, aren't you? What would the Melvins say? +You're kind of a sellout, aren't you? What would the Melvins say? They'd say you came a long way out here not knowing if anyone would be home. +Behold, good sir! The very first photo of your future child. You're kidding! +I think it kind of looks like my friend, Paulie. Oh, is he bald and amorphous? +Oh, is he bald and amorphous? No, he's the dad. +Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl? The doctor can tell, but I decided not to know. I want it to be a big surprise. +The doctor can tell, but I decided not to know. I want it to be a big surprise. Well, it can really only go two ways. +Well, it can really only go two ways. That's what you think. I drink tons of booze so you might get one of those scary neuter-babies that's born without junk. +That's what you think. I drink tons of booze so you might get one of those scary neuter-babies that's born without junk. Junk? +Junk? You know... it's parts... +You know... it's parts... I know what junk is. +I know what junk is. Yeah? +Yeah? We definitely want it to have junk. +We definitely want it to have junk. Well don't worry about it. My stepmom is forcing me to eat really healthy. She won't even let me stand in front of the microwave or eat red M&Ms. Hope you're ready. +What is it? "It's only my favorite song. It's Sonic Youth doing ""Superstar"" by the Carpenters." +"It's only my favorite song. It's Sonic Youth doing ""Superstar"" by the Carpenters." I've heard the Carpenters before. Chick drummer and freaky dude. Not unlike the White Stripes. +I've heard the Carpenters before. Chick drummer and freaky dude. Not unlike the White Stripes. You haven't heard the Carpenters like this. Listen. +Don't you remember you told me you loved me, baby... Hey, I like this. +Hey, I like this. This album is all Carpenters covers by alt-rock bands. It's called If I Were a Carpenter. It is God. I'll rip a copy for you before you leave. +This album is all Carpenters covers by alt-rock bands. It's called If I Were a Carpenter. It is God. I'll rip a copy for you before you leave. You don't have to do that. +You don't have to do that. It's the least I can do. What did you say your favorite band was? +It's the least I can do. What did you say your favorite band was? I didn't. But it's a three-way tie between the Stooges, Patti Smith and the Runaways. +I didn't. But it's a three-way tie between the Stooges, Patti Smith and the Runaways. Yeah, I definitely need to make you some CDs. At least while my kid is hanging out in there. +The Wizard of Gore? Oh yeah. It's Herschel Gordon Lewis. He's the ultimate master of horror. +Oh yeah. It's Herschel Gordon Lewis. He's the ultimate master of horror. Please. Dario Argento is the ultimate master of horror. +Argento's good, but Lewis is completely demented. We're talking buckets of goo. Red corn syrup everywhere. And fake brains up the yin-yang. Frankly, this looks kind of stupid. +This is even better than Suspiria. You've got decent taste in slasher movies, Mark. Here's to dovetailing interests. +So, have you and Vanessa thought of a name for the baby yet? Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison for a girl. +Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison for a girl. Madison? Isn't that kind of... I don't know, gay? +Madison? Isn't that kind of... I don't know, gay? God, pretentious much? I guess everyone should have a mysterious name like Juno, huh? +God, pretentious much? I guess everyone should have a mysterious name like Juno, huh? My dad went through this phase where he was obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology. He named me after Zeus's wife. I mean, Zeus had other lays, but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wife. She was supposed to be really beautiful but really mean. Like Diana Ross. +My dad went through this phase where he was obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology. He named me after Zeus's wife. I mean, Zeus had other lays, but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wife. She was supposed to be really beautiful but really mean. Like Diana Ross. That suits you. +That suits you. Uh, thanks. +Uh, thanks. You know, not many teenage girls in your situation would actually go through with this. +You know, not many teenage girls in your situation would actually go through with this. I weighed my options. But after all this, I'm glad I didn't, you know, get rid of it. I want to have it. For you guys. +I weighed my options. But after all this, I'm glad I didn't, you know, get rid of it. I want to have it. For you guys. You're something else. +Vanessa. Shit, you better get out of here. Why? What the big deal? +Why? What the big deal? Nothing. She just hates when I sit around watching movies and 'not contributing.' +Nothing. She just hates when I sit around watching movies and 'not contributing.' I'll handle this. I'm really good at diffusing mom-type rage. +Juno was nice enough to bring this by for us. I came over as soon as I got that cold ultrasound goo off my pelvis. My stepmom verbally abused the ultrasound tech so we were escorted off the premises. +Hey, what kind of swag did you score? Yeah. Mall madness, huh? +I doubt anyone's throwing us a shower. Why? +Cold feet. You should have gone to China. I heard they give away babies like free iPods. They shoot 'em out of those T-shirt guns at sports events. +Hello? So, I've been spending a lot of time listening to that weird CD you made me. +Oh really? What's the verdict? I sort of like it. I mean, it's cute. +I sort of like it. I mean, it's cute. Cute? +Cute? Well, when you're used to the raw power of Iggy and the Stooges, everything else sounds kind of precious by comparison. +Well, when you're used to the raw power of Iggy and the Stooges, everything else sounds kind of precious by comparison. I imagine you have a collection of punk chestnuts to prove your point. +I imagine you have a collection of punk chestnuts to prove your point. Consider it your musical education. +Consider it your musical education. I'm dying to see what you've got to teach me. +I'm dying to see what you've got to teach me. Okay, stop surfing porn and get back to work. Just wanted to say hi. +Okay, stop surfing porn and get back to work. Just wanted to say hi. Go learn something. +Wow. That shirt is working hard. Is Vanessa here? +Is Vanessa here? Nope. We're safe. +Cool. Come on, I have something for you. +Oh, Mark! Is this the baby's room? It's beautiful! Hilarious. No, I just keep all of my old comics down here, and I want to show you one of them. +Hilarious. No, I just keep all of my old comics down here, and I want to show you one of them. Oh God, you're one of those guys... +Oh God, you're one of those guys... You're gonna like this, I promise. +"""Most Fruitful Yuki""? What is... Oh my god, she's a pregnant superhero!" Isn't that great? I got it when I was in Japan with my band. She reminds me of you. +Wow, I actually feel like less of a fat dork now. Most Fruitful Yuki is bad ass, man. You should be proud to be the same condition. +What? I actually know this one. +I actually know this one. You do? +You do? Yeah, this song's older than me, if you can believe that. I danced to it at my senior prom. +Yeah, this song's older than me, if you can believe that. I danced to it at my senior prom. That's almost interesting, Mark. Who did you dance with? +That's almost interesting, Mark. Who did you dance with? Her name was Cynthia Vogel and she was a good dance partner. Even let me put my hands on her butt. +Her name was Cynthia Vogel and she was a good dance partner. Even let me put my hands on her butt. Oh man, I can just picture you slow dancing like a dork! +Oh, okay. Like this. You've never been to a dance, have you? +You've never been to a dance, have you? Only squares and nerds go to dances. +Only squares and nerds go to dances. What are you? +What are you? I don't know. +I'm leaving Vanessa. What? +What? It's just not working out, but I'm getting my own place in the city... and I've got it all planned out. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time... +No. No? +No? No. No, you definitely cannot do that, Mark. That's a big, fat sack of no! +No. No, you definitely cannot do that, Mark. That's a big, fat sack of no! What's the matter? +What's the matter? This isn't what we agreed on. You guys have to take care of... this! You are the chosen custodians of the big-ass bump! +But I thought you'd be cool if... I want you guys to adopt the Buglet. I wanted everything to be perfect. Not shitty and broken like everyone else's family. Listen, once I have the baby, Vanessa is going to finally be happy, and everything will be all right. Believe me on this one! +I want you guys to adopt the Buglet. I wanted everything to be perfect. Not shitty and broken like everyone else's family. Listen, once I have the baby, Vanessa is going to finally be happy, and everything will be all right. Believe me on this one! A baby is not going to fix everything. Besides, I don't know if I'm ready to be a father. +A baby is not going to fix everything. Besides, I don't know if I'm ready to be a father. But you're old! +But you're old! I... How do you think of me, Juno? Why are you here? +I... How do you think of me, Juno? Why are you here? I don't know. I just liked being your friend. I sort of liked becoming furniture in your weird life. +I don't know. I just liked being your friend. I sort of liked becoming furniture in your weird life. This... ...this is what my life has become. Stuff in boxes. Stuff underground. Is that so appealing to you? +This... ...this is what my life has become. Stuff in boxes. Stuff underground. Is that so appealing to you? Yeah, I guess... Is this my fault? Is Vanessa mad at you because of me? +Yeah, I guess... Is this my fault? Is Vanessa mad at you because of me? That's not the point. We're just not in love anymore. +That's not the point. We're just not in love anymore. Yeah, but didn't you love Vanessa when you married her? If you love someone once, you can love them again, I know it. My friend Leah has gone out with the same guy, like, four times. You're just not trying. +Please don't get a divorce! God, Mark, just do me a solid and stay with your wife. God, you're so young. +God, you're so young. Not really. I'm sixteen. I'm old enough to tell when people are acting like total a-holes! +Uh, hi Su-Chin. Oh, hi Juno. How are you? +Oh, hi Juno. How are you? Good. I'm good. Did you finish that paper for Worth's class yet? +Good. I'm good. Did you finish that paper for Worth's class yet? No, not yet. I tried to work on it a little last night, but I'm having trouble concentrating. +No, not yet. I tried to work on it a little last night, but I'm having trouble concentrating. You should try Adderall. +You should try Adderall. No thanks. I'm off pills. +No thanks. I'm off pills. "Wise move. I know this girl who had a huge crazy freakout because she took too many behavioral meds at once. She took off her clothes and jumped into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and she was like, ""Blaaaaah! I'm a kraken from the sea!""" +"Wise move. I know this girl who had a huge crazy freakout because she took too many behavioral meds at once. She took off her clothes and jumped into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and she was like, ""Blaaaaah! I'm a kraken from the sea!""" I heard that was you. +I heard that was you. Well, it was nice seeing you. +Juno! Your baby probably has a beating heart, you know. It can feel pain. And it has fingernails. Really? Fingernails? +Hi! I'm Vanessa. You must be Juno and Mr. MacGuff. I'm Vanessa. Vanessa, right? +Can I take your coats? Sure. +Wicked pic in the Penny Saver, by the way. Super classy. Not like those other people with the fake woods in the background. Like I'm really going to fall for that, you know? You found us in the Penny Saver? +I'll get drinks. What would everyone like? I've got Pellegrino, Vitamin Water... A Maker's Mark, please. Up. +Oh, that's marvelous. So you're almost into your second trimester, then? Yeah, apparently. I'm having it on May 4. +Yeah, apparently. I'm having it on May 4. The tough part's almost over for you. I mean, my girlfriends always tell me the first couple months are the hardest. +The tough part's almost over for you. I mean, my girlfriends always tell me the first couple months are the hardest. Yeah, but I hardly noticed it. I'm more worried about the part where I have to start wearing jeans with an elastic panel in the front. +Yeah, but I hardly noticed it. I'm more worried about the part where I have to start wearing jeans with an elastic panel in the front. I think pregnancy is beautiful. +I think pregnancy is beautiful. Well, you're lucky it's not you. +Well, shall we start looking over the paperwork? Gerta has already drafted some preliminary documents. Can I use the facilities first? Being pregnant makes you pee like Seabiscuit. +Can I use the facilities first? Being pregnant makes you pee like Seabiscuit. Sure. The powder room down here is being re-tiled, but you can use the master bath upstairs. Go up, then turn left and on your right... +Sure. The powder room down here is being re-tiled, but you can use the master bath upstairs. Go up, then turn left and on your right... Room with a toilet, got it. +Oh. Sure. Of course you'd want to know how your kid is cooking. So, then, you really think you're going to go ahead with this? +I'm going to say I'm 104% sure. Oh really? +Oh really? Look, if I could give it to you now, I would. But it probably looks like a Sea Monkey at this point, so I think we should leave it in there for a while until it gets cuter, you know? +Juno! God, you startled me. What are you doing here? What's wrong? Nothing... +Nothing... Then what's going on? +Then what's going on? I went to the doctor today. +Is the baby okay? Sure. It's the right size and everything. I even saw its phalanges today! Check this... +What... This is the baby. Your baby. +Oh my God... "Doesn't it look like it's waving? It's kind of like it's saying ""Hi, Vanessa. Will you be my mommy?""" +"Doesn't it look like it's waving? It's kind of like it's saying ""Hi, Vanessa. Will you be my mommy?""" Yeah. Yeah, it kind of does. +Oh it's just some stuff I picked up. For, you know, the baby. Babies need a lot of things. I want everything to be just right. I thought people got all that stuff at baby showers. When my stepmom had my sister I remember she got about a million presents. They were all lame though, so I wasn't jealous. +Um, I think people are kind of unsure about the situation because it's not, you know, set in stone. What do you mean? You mean... Do you think I'm going to flake out on you? +What do you mean? You mean... Do you think I'm going to flake out on you? No, no, I don't think that, Juno. It's just that, we went through a situation before where it didn't work out. +Right. Well, Juno, your parents must be wondering where you are. You might want to head home. Naah. I'm already pregnant, so they figure nothing worse could happen to me. I gotta bounce anyway. It was nice seeing you guys again. +Well hi Vanessa! What brings you to the mall today? Just, you know, shopping with my girlfriends. +No... Please excuse Leah. She's mentally challenged. +Please excuse Leah. She's mentally challenged. Oh, okay. So... how are you feeling? +Oh, okay. So... how are you feeling? Happy? Oh, you mean like, physically. I'm good. Look, I have a snooze button now! +Um... Juno, can I -- Can I touch it? Are you kidding? Everyone at school is always grabbing at my belly. I'm like a legend. They call me the Cautionary Whale. +Oh my God -- It moved! I felt it! Elbow. +Elbow. Wow! It's magical. +Juno? What's going on? Nothing. +Mark? Why is Juno crying? I'm not crying. I'm allergic to fine home furnishings. See you later. +Hi. I'm here for the big show? Your name, please? +Your name, please? Juno MacGuff. +Would you like some free condoms? They're boysenberry. No thank you. I'm off sex. +No thank you. I'm off sex. My partner uses these every time we have intercourse. They make his balls smell like pie. +My partner uses these every time we have intercourse. They make his balls smell like pie. Congrats. +You should have seen this octopus furnace. I had to get out my Hazmat suit just to get up in there... My dad used to be in the Army, but now he's just your average HVAC specialist. He and my mom got divorced when I was five. She lives on a Havasu reservation in Arizona... +So Juno, how did your maneuver go last night? Which maneuver, sir? The one in which I moved an entire living room set from one lawn to another, or the one in which I cleared a sixty-four ounce blue slushie in ten minutes? +Do you need a large sum of money? Legal counsel? No, no, I'm definitely not asking for anything. Except maybe mercy. Like, it would be really great if nobody hit me. +No, no, I'm definitely not asking for anything. Except maybe mercy. Like, it would be really great if nobody hit me. What have you done, Junebug? Did you hit someone with the Previa? +They say they're going to pay my medical expenses and everything. I promise this will all be resolved in thirty-odd weeks, and we can pretend it never happened. You're pregnant? +You're pregnant? I'm so sorry, you guys. If it's any consolation, I have heartburn that's like, radiating down to my kneecaps and I haven't gone number two since Wednesday. Morning! +Who is the kid? The baby? I don't know anything about it yet. I only know it's got fingernails, allegedly. +What? Paulie Bleeker? I didn't know he had it in him! +Okay, this is no laughing matter. No, it's not. Paulie is virile, by the way. He was very good in... chair. +Did you say you were thinking about adoption? Yeah, well, there's this couple who've been trying to have a baby for five years. +Damn skippy, you're not! You don't even remember to give Liberty Bell her breathing meds. Once! And she didn't die, if you recall! +I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when. I have no idea what kind of girl I am. +She's joking. Junebug has a wonderful sense of humor, which is just one of her many genetic gifts. I also have good teeth. No cavities. We finally got fluoridated water in Dancing Elk. +Excuse me? Well, no... I'm not going to sell the baby. I just want it to grow up with people who are ready to love it and be parents. I'm in high school, dude. I'm ill-equipped. +Hi Dad. Hey, big puffy version of Junebug. Where have you been? +Hey, big puffy version of Junebug. Where have you been? Dealing with stuff way beyond my maturity level. Where is everyone? +Dealing with stuff way beyond my maturity level. Where is everyone? Bren took Liberty Bell to her tot ice skating class. +Bren took Liberty Bell to her tot ice skating class. Tot ice skating? Tots can't ice skate. Liberty Bell's still getting the hang of stairs. +Tot ice skating? Tots can't ice skate. Liberty Bell's still getting the hang of stairs. No, but you know Bren. She dreams big. +No, but you know Bren. She dreams big. Yeah, she does. +Yeah, she does. You look a little morose, honey. What's eating you? +You look a little morose, honey. What's eating you? I'm losing my faith in humanity. +I'm losing my faith in humanity. Think you can narrow it down for me. +Think you can narrow it down for me. I guess I wonder sometimes if people ever stay together for good. +I guess I wonder sometimes if people ever stay together for good. You mean like couples? +You mean like couples? Yeah, like people in love. +Yeah, like people in love. Are you having boy trouble? I gotta be honest; I don't much approve of you dating in your condition, 'cause... well, that's kind of messed up. +Are you having boy trouble? I gotta be honest; I don't much approve of you dating in your condition, 'cause... well, that's kind of messed up. Dad, no! +Dad, no! Well, it's kind of skanky. Isn't that what you girls call it? Skanky? Skeevy? +Well, it's kind of skanky. Isn't that what you girls call it? Skanky? Skeevy? Please stop now. +Please stop now. Tore up from the floor up? +Tore up from the floor up? Dad, it's not about that. I just need to know that it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever. Or at least for a few years. +Dad, it's not about that. I just need to know that it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever. Or at least for a few years. It's not easy, that's for sure. Now, I may not have the best track record in the world, but I have been with your stepmother for ten years now, and I'm proud to say that we're very happy. +I sort of already have. Well, of course. Your old D-A-D! You know I'll always be there to love and support you, no matter what kind of pickle you're in. +What?! Either I just pissed my pants or... +Either I just pissed my pants or... Or... +Or... Thundercats are go! +Well, well. If it isn't MacGuff the Crime Dog! Back for another test? I think the last one was defective. The plus sign looked more like a division sign. +Maybe you're having twins. Maybe your little boyfriend's got mutant sperms and he knocked you up twice! Silencio! I just drank my weight in Sunny D. and I have to go, pronto. +Well, you know where the lavatory is. You pay for that pee stick when you're done! Don't think it's yours just because you've marked it with your urine! Jesus, I didn't say it was. +Jesus, I didn't say it was. Well, it's not. You're not a lion in a pride! These kids, acting like lions with their unplanned pregnancies and their Sunny Delights. +So what's the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle? Minus or plus? I don't know. It's not... seasoned yet. Wait. Huh. Yeah, there's that pink plus sign again. God, it's unholy. +Yo-yo-yiggity-yo. I am a suicide risk. +I am a suicide risk. Is this Juno? +Is this Juno? No it's Morgan Freeman. Got any bones that need collecting? +No it's Morgan Freeman. Got any bones that need collecting? Only the one in my pants. +Only the one in my pants. Dude, I'm pregnant. +Dude, I'm pregnant. Maybe it's just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch? +Maybe it's just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch? It's not a food baby. I took three pregnancy tests today. I am definitely up the spout. +It's not a food baby. I took three pregnancy tests today. I am definitely up the spout. How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests? +How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests? I drank like ten tons of Sunny Delight. Anyway, yeah. I'm pregnant. And you're shockingly cavalier. +I drank like ten tons of Sunny Delight. Anyway, yeah. I'm pregnant. And you're shockingly cavalier. Is this for real? Like for real, for real? +Is this for real? Like for real, for real? Unfortunately, yes. +Unfortunately, yes. Oh my God! Oh shit! Phuket Thailand! +Oh my God! Oh shit! Phuket Thailand! That's the kind of emotion I was looking for in the first take. +That's the kind of emotion I was looking for in the first take. Well, are you going to go to Havenbrooke or Women Now for the abortion? You need a note from your parents for Havenbrooke. +Well, are you going to go to Havenbrooke or Women Now for the abortion? You need a note from your parents for Havenbrooke. I know. Women Now, I guess. The commercial says they help women now. +I know. Women Now, I guess. The commercial says they help women now. Want me to call for you? I called for Becky last year. +Want me to call for you? I called for Becky last year. Eh, I'll call them myself. But I do need your help with something very urgent. +Heavy lifting can only help you at this point. That is sick, man. +So, you were bored? Is that how this blessed miracle came to be? Nah, it was a premeditated act. The sex, I mean, not getting pregnant. +Nah, it was a premeditated act. The sex, I mean, not getting pregnant. When did you decide you were going to do Bleeker? +When did you decide you were going to do Bleeker? Like, a year ago, in Spanish class. +Aha! You love him. It's extremely complicated, and I'd rather not talk about it in my fragile state. +So, what was it like humping Bleeker's bony bod? It was magnificent, man! +What are you doing here, dumbass? I thought I was supposed to pick you up at four. I couldn't do it, Leah! It smelled like a dentist in there. They had these really horrible magazines, with, like, spritz cookie recipes and bad fiction and water stains, like someone read them in the tub. And the receptionist tried to give me these weird condoms that looked like grape suckers, and she told me about her boyfriend's pie balls, and Su-Chin Kuah was there, and she told me the baby had fingernails. Fingernails! +I couldn't do it, Leah! It smelled like a dentist in there. They had these really horrible magazines, with, like, spritz cookie recipes and bad fiction and water stains, like someone read them in the tub. And the receptionist tried to give me these weird condoms that looked like grape suckers, and she told me about her boyfriend's pie balls, and Su-Chin Kuah was there, and she told me the baby had fingernails. Fingernails! Oh, gruesome. I wonder if the baby's claws could scratch your vag on the way out? +Oh, gruesome. I wonder if the baby's claws could scratch your vag on the way out? I'm staying pregnant, Le. +I'm staying pregnant, Le. Keep your voice down dude, my mom's around here somewhere. She doesn't know we're sexually active. +Keep your voice down dude, my mom's around here somewhere. She doesn't know we're sexually active. What does that even mean? Anyway, I got to thinking on the way over. I was thinking maybe I could give the baby to somebody who actually likes that kind of thing. You know, like a woman with a bum ovary or something. Or some nice lesbos. +What does that even mean? Anyway, I got to thinking on the way over. I was thinking maybe I could give the baby to somebody who actually likes that kind of thing. You know, like a woman with a bum ovary or something. Or some nice lesbos. But then you'll get huge. Your chest is going to milktate. And you have to tell everyone you're pregnant. +But then you'll get huge. Your chest is going to milktate. And you have to tell everyone you're pregnant. I know. Maybe they'll canonize me for being so selfless. +I know. Maybe they'll canonize me for being so selfless. Maybe they'll totally shit and be super mad at you and not let you graduate or go to Cabo San Lucas for spring break. +Maybe they'll totally shit and be super mad at you and not let you graduate or go to Cabo San Lucas for spring break. Bleeker and I were going to go to Gettysburg for spring break. +Well, maybe you could look at one of those adoption ads. I see them all the time in the Penny Saver. There are ads? For parents? +There are ads? For parents? "Oh yeah! ""Desperately Seeking Spawn."" They're right by the ads for like, iguanas and terriers and used fitness equipment. It's totally legit." +"Oh yeah! ""Desperately Seeking Spawn."" They're right by the ads for like, iguanas and terriers and used fitness equipment. It's totally legit." Come on, Leah. I can't scope out wannabe parents in the Penny Saver! That's tacky. That's like buying clothes at the Pump n' Munch. +The Penny Saver sucks. Yeah, but it sucks for free. +"Look at this one ""Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple have found true love with each other."" ""All that's missing is your bastard.""" There's a guy in here who's giving away a piano. Free for the hauling! We should put it in Bleeker's yard. +There's a guy in here who's giving away a piano. Free for the hauling! We should put it in Bleeker's yard. You're not listening to me. +You're not listening to me. "No, I heard you. I just can't give the baby to people who describe themselves as ""wholesome."" I'm looking for something a little edgier." +"No, I heard you. I just can't give the baby to people who describe themselves as ""wholesome."" I'm looking for something a little edgier." What did you have in mind, a family of disturbed loners who are into gunplay and incest? +What did you have in mind, a family of disturbed loners who are into gunplay and incest? I was thinking a graphic designer, mid-thirties, and his cool Asian wife who dresses awesome and plays bass. But I'm trying to not be too particular. +I was thinking a graphic designer, mid-thirties, and his cool Asian wife who dresses awesome and plays bass. But I'm trying to not be too particular. "All right, how about this one? ""Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love.""" +"All right, how about this one? ""Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love.""" Yeesh, they sound like a cult. Besides, they're greedy bitches. They already have three kids! +Yeesh, they sound like a cult. Besides, they're greedy bitches. They already have three kids! Hey, Juno. Juno! Look at this one. +Best to just tell them, man. Rip off the Band-Aid and let it bleed. I'm pregnant. +Check out Baby Big-Head. That kid is scary! Hey, I'm a sacred vessel. All you've got in your belly is Taco Bell! +Hey, I'm a sacred vessel. All you've got in your belly is Taco Bell! Touche. +Touche. It is really weird looking. It's like it's not even real. I can't believe there are saps who actually cry at these things. +Aw, please Junebug? No way. No, I definitely don't want to know. +How do you know I'm so poisonous? Like, what if the adoptive parents turn out to be evil molesters? Or stage parents! +Yum. This pretzel tastes like a friggin' donut! Share the love, Tits! +Hly shht! What? +That's her. That's Vanessa Loring. Of the Penny Saver Lorings? +No way! She's pretty. You sound shocked or something. +You sound shocked or something. I just thought she'd look really old in real life. +She's gonna steal that kid for her collection. Right, seriously. +I want a huge cookie. And like, a lamb kebob. Simultaneously. God, Spermy. Must you always feed? +God, you're getting huge. How many months has it been now? Almost eight. You wouldn't believe how weird I look naked. +Almost eight. You wouldn't believe how weird I look naked. I wish my funbags would get bigger. +I wish my funbags would get bigger. Trust me, you don't. I actually have to wear a bra now. And I have to rub this nasty cocoa butter stuff all over myself or my skin could get stretched too far and explode. +Trust me, you don't. I actually have to wear a bra now. And I have to rub this nasty cocoa butter stuff all over myself or my skin could get stretched too far and explode. Hot! +God, why is everyone always staring at me? Well, you are kind of... convex. +Wow, someone's been actually doing her geometry homework for once! I don't have a choice. Keith's been grading me really hard lately. +I don't have a choice. Keith's been grading me really hard lately. "Please do not refer to Mr. Conyers as ""Keith,"" okay? My barf reflex is already heightened these days." +"Please do not refer to Mr. Conyers as ""Keith,"" okay? My barf reflex is already heightened these days." Keith's hot. +Keith's hot. Eww, he's all beardy! +Did you hear Bleek is going to prom with Katrina De Voort? Katrina? Pfft, no way. He doesn't like Katrina. It must be a pity date. +Katrina? Pfft, no way. He doesn't like Katrina. It must be a pity date. He asked her. I heard they were going to Benihana, then the prom, then to Vijay's parents' cabin. +He asked her. I heard they were going to Benihana, then the prom, then to Vijay's parents' cabin. Bleeker told me Katrina's whole house reeks of soup! +Bleeker told me Katrina's whole house reeks of soup! Oh, it totally does. I was there for her birthday about four years ago and it was like Lipton Landing. But you know, boys have endured worse things for nookie. +Oh, it totally does. I was there for her birthday about four years ago and it was like Lipton Landing. But you know, boys have endured worse things for nookie. There's no way in hell they're having sex or even holding hands. +There's no way in hell they're having sex or even holding hands. I wouldn't be so sure about that. He did it with you. He's a man now. +I wouldn't be so sure about that. He did it with you. He's a man now. Yeah, well, Bleek trusted me. We're best friends. +Yeah, well, Bleek trusted me. We're best friends. Are you jealous? I thought you said you didn't care what he did. +Are you jealous? I thought you said you didn't care what he did. I'm not jealous, and I don't care. I just know he doesn't like Katrina and I don't think he should toy with her emotions like that. She seems so nice and all. +I'm not jealous, and I don't care. I just know he doesn't like Katrina and I don't think he should toy with her emotions like that. She seems so nice and all. Okay Juno, I'm really convinced. +Okay Juno, I'm really convinced. Prom is for wenises, anyway. Once you're old enough to go, it's not cool anymore. +Hello. Thank you for having me and my irresponsible child over to your home. Oh no. Thank you. Come on in. +You don't say. Well, haven't you ever felt like you were born to do something? +Well, haven't you ever felt like you were born to do something? Yes. Heating and air conditioning. +Yes. Heating and air conditioning. Well, I was born to be a mother. Some of us are. +So. What's that thing? A Pilates machine? +A Pilates machine? What do you make with that? +What do you make with that? You don't make anything. It's for exercising. +Obviously, we'll compensate you for your medical expenses. Are you looking for any other compensation? +You're doing an amazing and selfless thing for us. Vanessa has wanted a baby since we got married. +Vanessa has wanted a baby since we got married. I want to be a mommy so badly! +You guys are playing music? Juno just wanted a closer look at Kimber here. +What do you think? Custard or Cheesecake? They're yellow. +They're yellow. Well, I wanted to pick something gender-neutral for now. Once we get the baby, God willing, we can create a more decisive palette. +Well, I wanted to pick something gender-neutral for now. Once we get the baby, God willing, we can create a more decisive palette. Why do people think yellow is gender- neutral? I don't know one man with a yellow bedroom. +Why do people think yellow is gender- neutral? I don't know one man with a yellow bedroom. I think I'm leaning toward Custard in this light. I don't know. I should paint a small area... +I think I'm leaning toward Custard in this light. I don't know. I should paint a small area... Or you could just wait a couple months. It's not like the baby's going to storm in here any second and demand dessert-colored walls. +Or you could just wait a couple months. It's not like the baby's going to storm in here any second and demand dessert-colored walls. "What to Expect says that readying the baby's room is an important process for women. It's called ""nesting.""" +"What to Expect says that readying the baby's room is an important process for women. It's called ""nesting.""" Nesting, huh? Are you planning to build the crib out of twigs and saliva? +Nesting, huh? Are you planning to build the crib out of twigs and saliva? "You should read the book. I even flagged the ""daddy chapters"" for you." +"You should read the book. I even flagged the ""daddy chapters"" for you." I just think it's too early to paint. That's my opinion. +I just think it's too early to paint. That's my opinion. And I disagree. +That wall is going to need something. Maybe we could put our first family picture there. Hm. +Hm. Can you see it? +Juno, what's the matter? She's hormonal. Right, June? It's just part of the whole process. +What did you do? I didn't do anything... I just... I've just been thinking. +I didn't do anything... I just... I've just been thinking. What? +What? Just thinking if this is really the right thing for us. +Just thinking if this is really the right thing for us. What are you referring to? +I've been just wondering if we're, you know, ready. Of course we're ready. We've taken all the classes. The nursery. The books -- +Of course we're ready. We've taken all the classes. The nursery. The books -- I know we're prepared. I just don't know if... I'm ready. +Why don't we let Juno go home and we can discuss this later on, okay? It all just happened so fast. We put that ad in the paper. I thought it would take months if, you know, ever and then -- boom -- Two weeks later, she's in our living room. +It all just happened so fast. We put that ad in the paper. I thought it would take months if, you know, ever and then -- boom -- Two weeks later, she's in our living room. She answered our prayers. +She answered our prayers. Ever since, it's just been like a ticking clock. +What would be a good time for you? I don't know. There's just things I still want to do. +I don't know. There's just things I still want to do. Like what? Be a rock star? +Like what? Be a rock star? Don't mock me. +"I called Gerta Rauss. She says she can represent both of us. They call it ""collaborative divorce."" It's apparently all the rage right now. And it's easy because we don't have children." No, it's fine. Thanks for making the call, I guess. +We're actually, finally doing this? Looks like it, yeah. +Looks like it, yeah. Have you found a place to stay? +Have you found a place to stay? Yeah, downtown. +Yeah, downtown. A hotel? +A hotel? It's a loft. +It's a loft. Aren't you the cool guy? +No. Me neither. How 'bout you Carrie? +You lose! I suppose anything's possible. +...You can forget about 'em forever and then look at 'em and they're doin' even better than before. Adele... we gotta do something before Early kills someone else. +...There ain't nothin' can kill 'em. They can live for two even three hundred years. Adele for god sake please lis... +Adele for god sake please lis... There ain't nothing we could do. Once Early sets his mind on somethin', well thats the end of that. +Hi, I'm Adele. Carrie. +...Pardon? ...I said, I like your hair. +...I said, I like your hair. ...Thank you. +One night we figured out how much bad luck he must have comin' from all them mirrors he broke... Four hundred and ninety four years to work it all off... After he dies, he'll have to keep coming back to earth over and over and over... Karma. +What? Karma... You know, if you do something bad to somebody fate will pay you back by something bad happening to you. +Karma... You know, if you do something bad to somebody fate will pay you back by something bad happening to you. That French ain't it? +Are you takin' the pictures? ...Yeah. +...Yeah. Is it hard to learn? +Is it hard to learn? Not really. +You wouldn't have any color film, would ya? ...Yeah, sure. +You dropped this. Early Grayce if this ain't your lucky day. +Early don't think women should smoke or curse or drink liquor. So you don't do any of those things. +Better not, or Early'd whip me. He whips you? +...Hey you're good. Thought you said you never played before? I haven't... I'm a fast learner. +I told you how Early feels 'bout a woman drinking. How'd you meet Early? +You know I can fix that haircut for you, if you want? You can? +I'm cool. Could I try that? +What's this? It's a portfolio of my work. +It's a portfolio of my work. Your pictures. Can I see 'em? +Your pictures. Can I see 'em? Sure. +You took this picture? Took 'em all. +That's me. No it is not! +No it is not! Hold still. +Hold still. Sorry. Boy I'll tell ya, if Early found a picture of me like that I'd be black and blue for a week. +You shouldn't let him do that to you... Do what? +Do what? Adele... are you serious? +Adele... are you serious? You think Early's bad to me, don't you? +You think Early's bad to me, don't you? Yeah. +My momma's a beautician. Guess that's where I get it from. She wouldn't hear of my moving in with Early... on account of his just getting out of jail and all. Ain't seen her in nearly a year now. I wish she'd call me, just once. What's Early been in jail for? +What's Early been in jail for? Carryin' a gun. +Carryin' a gun. ...Anything else? +...Anything else? An' resistin' arrest... At least that's what the Police said. +An' resistin' arrest... At least that's what the Police said. Jeez... Adele! +The police are after him, he's a murderer! ...That's not true. +...That's not true. What? +What? That's not true! +...I wouldn't lie to you, Adele. . . I saw him kill that man. Early didn't kill nobody, he wouldn't do that. I don't know why you're saying those things. You ain't my friend. +Happy birthday Adele. Early, you are so sweet. +I feel kind of like the wizard of oz, you know when she gets the red shoes. Well Dorothy, why don't you hand me that chili there. +What's up Adele? Dinner ready? Almost. +Well... for one thing... They think faster out there, on account of all that warm weather they got; cold weather makes people stupid, that's a fact. I guess that'd explain why there's so many stupid people around here. +I guess that'd explain why there's so many stupid people around here. Yeah, and in California you never have to buy fruit 'cause it's all on the trees everywhere you turn... ...and, 'course there ain't no speed limit out there, and all drugs are legal... And I heard your first month's rent is free; state law. I figure 'til we get settled we can just move around month to month... +Yeah, and in California you never have to buy fruit 'cause it's all on the trees everywhere you turn... ...and, 'course there ain't no speed limit out there, and all drugs are legal... And I heard your first month's rent is free; state law. I figure 'til we get settled we can just move around month to month... What'll we do out there? +What'll we do out there? Well... the very first thing we're gonna do... is get us a couple of six packs of Lucky Lager and climb up on toppa' that famous Hollywood sign and howl at the moon... +You know... I read once... Ain't nothin' on that big old moon 'cept some old golf balls those astronauts left behind. Bull. That ain't right... Government sends people there all the time, just don't want us to know about it. +Don't be long now, dinner's 'bout ready. I heard that. +What if they're dangerous? They ain't dangerous Adele. They're writers. +Did you settle things with Mr. Diebold? Yeah I left him with the car... We're all squared up now. +Geez, they look kinda weird. You just smile, let me do all the talking. +You just smile, let me do all the talking. How many times you gonna tell me that? +How many times you gonna tell me that? As many times as it takes. +Shush, Adele. Early, can we stop there... just for a little while. +Can you believe thirty bucks for this room... for what? A lumpy mattress, that crummy TV and a crapper. Early, sing me a song. +Early, what're you doin'? Go back to the car and keep Brian there. I don't want him in here... Do it Adele... Now! +What the hell is this stuff? It's Chinese food. It was the only place open. You said you was starving, you'd eat anyth... +Yeah but, what is it? I don't know, they didn't speak too good English. +...thank you. Thank you for what? What are you thanking me for Adele? +Thank you for what? What are you thanking me for Adele? ...I don't know. +...I don't know. Well Adele... it was for... ...saving your fucking life back there! +What's wrong with her? She had a dream that somethin' like this was gonna happen. +Nobody wants to hurt you Peaches! Early! Stop!! +Oh, n'jus what in hell you crying 'bout? I'm the one got hit. I changed my mind, Early. I'm not gonna climb up that Hollywood sign with you... I decided. I think your mean, and you hurt people. +What's your name, boy? Walter Livesy. +Walter Livesy. Think. I might just have to kill you Walter. How do you feel about that? +Think. I might just have to kill you Walter. How do you feel about that? Not so good. You sure you have to? +Not so good. You sure you have to? I don't know. Wish I did. +Where you from Walter? Vernon, Florida. +Vernon, Florida. Never heard of it, any huntin'? +Never heard of it, any huntin'? Turkey mostly. +Turkey mostly. Turkey's are real smart. Smarter than most people think... +...Mind if I hold that Bible? What do you need a Bible for? +You think I'm goin' to kill you. Well that'd make me a liar then wouldn't it? No sir. +Tight fit. Best kind. +Uh, we can stop somewhere if you and Adele haven't had time for breakfast, Early. Well, it's like this, Mr. Kessler. +Well, it's like this, Mr. Kessler. Brian. +Brian. Well, it's like this, Bri'. I don't eat much in the mornin', never have. Maybe a beer once in a while; Lucky Lager's my favorite. +So what do you do Early? Oh... I do some work up at the Merrick Mirror factory, or I used to... +You gonna talk to the people who did those murders? That's a good idea. Unfortunately most of them have been executed. +That's a good idea. Unfortunately most of them have been executed. ...Too bad. +Can't hurt. How much do I owe you? +How much do I owe you? Forget it. +This the book your writing? It's just a work in progress, kinda rough. +It's just a work in progress, kinda rough. This guy killed a mess of people. +This guy killed a mess of people. Who? +Who? Henry Lucas. +Henry Lucas. Henry Lee Lucas. Well he was only convicted of killing eleven but he claimed to have killed over three hundred. +Henry Lee Lucas. Well he was only convicted of killing eleven but he claimed to have killed over three hundred. Wonder what all them people done made him so mad? +How did he get away with it for so long anyhow? He almost always killed strangers. Spent years moving on from one place to another. That made it real hard to track him down. +That bad? ...Then some. +...They never caught that Black Dolya Killer, huh? Dahlia, no. +Dahlia, no. Now why is that? +Now why is that? Some people think it's because he never killed again. He just disappeared back into society. +Some people think it's because he never killed again. He just disappeared back into society. You don't sound too convinced 'bout that? +You don't sound too convinced 'bout that? I always thought it was the work of a serial killer. Anyone who took that much time and care bisecting another human being must have been enjoying it and would have done it again. And again. Until someone stopped him. +I always thought it was the work of a serial killer. Anyone who took that much time and care bisecting another human being must have been enjoying it and would have done it again. And again. Until someone stopped him. "That your... ""theory"", ain't that what they call it?" +"That your... ""theory"", ain't that what they call it?" Yeah. +Yeah. You wanna hear mine? +Sure. Ain't you goin' to record it? +By the way, I'm not much of a pool player. Shit, it ain't hard to play pool. I can teach you everything ya need ta know. +Shit, it ain't hard to play pool. I can teach you everything ya need ta know. Yeah? +Yeah? Hell yeah! I'll even spot ya a few points first game. +Hell yeah! I'll even spot ya a few points first game. Wait a minute. You're gonna hustle me? +Wait a minute. You're gonna hustle me? Nah... how much money have you got? +...Well I probably drunk more than my share, anyway... you go on an' have it. No, it's all yours. It's on me... for saving my ass back there. +...Well then, that's how many I killed. If you say so. +If you say so. Damn right I do. +Ya see what I'm sayin'? Ha! ...Ha. +Hey... Ain't we getting near the next murder site... Bri? Forget about it, doesn't matter. +Forget about it, doesn't matter. Hell it don't... ...Hand me Brian's map there Adele. One day I'm gonna pass some store and see your book in the window. Me and Adele gonna buy a copy for our coffee table. +So tell me... what happened here? Two brothers, prospectors, lived here. Up until a few years back. +...and? They picked up hitchhikers... young men... and brought them back here. +You two been busy in here. What happened to Adele? +What happened to Adele? Well, let's put it this way. I need me a new woman. +Executing the killer wouldn't bring my mother back. Thank god! +Okay, now you want to talk about good versus evil? Well then let's start with Adam and Eve and the snake. Who do I have to blow to get out of here? +Who do I have to blow to get out of here? A... I gotta go. +Tonight turned out to be pretty interesting. The party? +The warehouse. I'm not that drunk. It was definitely the high point of the evening. +Just being there where it really happened. It was different... more visceral. Mmm... I love it when you talk like that. +I thought you wanted to be a writer. ...I do. +...I do. Then you can write anywhere. Let's get out of here, while we still can. +Then you can write anywhere. Let's get out of here, while we still can. Carrie, come on... we can leave anytime we... +Carrie, come on... we can leave anytime we... No we can't. We can never leave once you start talking about tenure... and vacation pay... and parking privileges and... oh shit! let's just go to California now, right now, before it's too late. +No we can't. We can never leave once you start talking about tenure... and vacation pay... and parking privileges and... oh shit! let's just go to California now, right now, before it's too late. ...just like that? +...just like that? Just like that. Load up the Lincoln... point it West... stop when we hit the fucking ocean. +Hey. I didn't have the heart to wake you. Thanks. What are you doing? +Thanks. What are you doing? Well, I sat down with my tapes and your photographs, which are great by the way... and I started writing. +So how's it going? ...I think it's the best stuff I've done. +...and I think I know why. Why? +Why? Because I was there. And for a moment that night I understood how she came to pull the trigger. +Because I was there. And for a moment that night I understood how she came to pull the trigger. This mean your finally going to finish your thesis? +This mean your finally going to finish your thesis? Look, fuck the thesis. I think there's a book here. Your photographs and my research, together. +Look, fuck the thesis. I think there's a book here. Your photographs and my research, together. A book on the warehouse murders? +A book on the warehouse murders? A book on some of the most infamous murderers in America. I want to go to where they lived and where they killed and I want you to photograph it. +"What I'm thinking is, we can drop down through Tennessee, across Arkansas and into Texas, from there it's a straight shot into California. ""We don't stop... until we hit the fucking ocean.""" It's about fucking time, Kessler! I'd just about given up on you. +It's about fucking time, Kessler! I'd just about given up on you. We don't have enough money, but we'll figure something out. +What did he sound like on the phone? Real polite. Kept calling me 'sir.' +I like that. I still think we should have met them first. +I still think we should have met them first. Beggars can't be choosers. They were the only ones who answered the ride share note, remember? +"Oh, yeah... He had a real thick accent right outta ""Deliverance."" ""Still? Who said anything about a still? Get ya ass up in them woods!""" Funny, very funny. +Jesus... They've probably got five bucks between them. Turn around. Lighten up... +We could have been in and out of there in less than ten minutes... Hey, I got some great stuff... it's okay. +You mean because I object to having somebody take off their shoe and scratch their foot while I'm eating I'm prejudiced? He can't help the way he was raised. I kinda feel sorry for him. +Feel sorry for him? Obviously you didn't get a whiff of that sock? Bitch, bitch, bitch! +Bitch, bitch, bitch! Up yours. +Up yours. I heard that. +...And all I'm saying is I think we ought to try and get along with them. That's all. You try, I'm gonna pretend they're with somebody else. +You try, I'm gonna pretend they're with somebody else. Carrie. +Carrie. I don't want to talk about it. +All set? Fuck! +Fuck! Take your time. +Who said he's my good buddy? You sure been acting like you were... ...Out whoopin' it up, a drankin' and ever' thang. +Yeah, and you should've seen how terrified she was that he'd find out. He beats her. How do you know that? +How do you know that? "She told me... ...but only when she ""deserves"" it. Did you know he was in jail?" +Stop being so fucking melodramatic! If it was murder he'd still be locked up or on parole, in which case he wouldn't be allowed to leave the state. Maybe he wasn't allowed to leave! Geezus Brian! +What is it? Look again! +What's that? A copy of a tape they found. He recorded everything. +There's more... I'm finished. +I'm scared. A week ago you would never have even thought to pick up that gun. This afternoon you're out there wielding it around like Clyde fucking Barrow, for Christ's sake! What's with you? Okay, it was a cheap thrill, it was stupid, I admit it, alright? But let's not blow this. Not now... Let's just get the photos. +Okay, it was a cheap thrill, it was stupid, I admit it, alright? But let's not blow this. Not now... Let's just get the photos. I can't believe I agreed to do this. +I can't believe I agreed to do this. Oh come on, don't give me that shit... you wanted to take these photos as much as I wanted you too. +Oh come on, don't give me that shit... you wanted to take these photos as much as I wanted you too. Wrong! I was willing to do whatever it took to get you up off your ass and on the way to California... There's a big difference. +Brian I want him out of our car! Why, what did he do? +Why, what did he do? Brian get him out of the car. Next gas station either he leaves or I do! +Carrie... stop it. What the fuck is wrong with you Brian!? If you'll stop taking notes for once and open your eyes... you'll see that he is a homicidal fucking killer. He is... for real! +What the fuck is wrong with you Brian!? If you'll stop taking notes for once and open your eyes... you'll see that he is a homicidal fucking killer. He is... for real! Shut up Carrie, please... just shut up! +You gotta talk to her. She looks up to you, she'll listen to you. I tried talking to her at the mine. It didn't work. +I tried talking to her at the mine. It didn't work. Then try again, +Carrie, watch for Early. What are you going to do? +What are you going to do? I'm going to try and lift the end of the piano. If I can... slide your cuffs free. +What about you? I don't know. +Any word from that gallery? Not yet. +Not yet. Nervous? +Nervous? ...Apprehensive. Let's not forget these are the people who banned the Mapplethorpe show. Anyway, California's loaded with galleries. +...Apprehensive. Let's not forget these are the people who banned the Mapplethorpe show. Anyway, California's loaded with galleries. You mean 'Ted Bundy's' finally agreed to leave? +...Soon as he finishes his thesis. "Listen, Eric's been ""finishing"" his for over three years now." +I'm sorry, but I just can't see you veggin' out in LA-LA LAND. Oh, I don't know... I think that once I dye my hair blonde, buy a string bikini and cultivate that tan... I could be veggin' out with the best of 'em... Like fer shurr! +Bri'. Where's Adele? +Where's Adele? She wasn't feeling so good. +...Need a hand with those bags? No, thanks, I can manage. +Ain't you done enough drinking for tonight? ...Brian hurt his foot. +Sometimes... Don't know why it is... I get so hot I can't stand it. I just start sweating like a dog. You ever get like that? No. +...never? No, never. Excuse me. +Tell ya Bri., I'm still a little sleepy,... think Adele and me are gonna take us a fiesta. Siesta. +Early, just think... Shut your mouth. +He's a killer, Brian... He's fucking insane. Everybody just shut up! +Darlin' you were 'bout that far from spendin' the night at the morgue. You understand? He wasn't going to shoot her, you murdering son of a bitch! +Who d'ya think you're foolin'? I know you better than you think... ...You're hurting me... +You were plenty hot. You sick twisted fuck! You don't know shit about me. +...You know what I mean? ...I know I'd love to smash this bottle right in your fucking face. +You're supposed to call me when you lose your job Early. I stopped by the mirror factory today, you left quite a mess behind there. Wasn't my fault... +...The police were way out of line when they stopped you from beating that bartender half to death. And no doubt God'll be pickin' on you on Judgement Day... I ain't got nothing against God. It's the people he let come into the world... lot of them should have been stopped at the door. What are you looking for? +You be at this personnel office, Friday, three o'clock sharp. What is it? +What is it? ...Janitor's job. +...Janitor's job. Oh man... come on, I don't want no janitor job. +What happened? Who are you? +Who are you? His Parole Officer. +His Parole Officer. Right, I talked to you on the phone. They say it's a torch job, that sound like your boy? +Right, I talked to you on the phone. They say it's a torch job, that sound like your boy? Could be. +Could be. Where would we find him? +Where would we find him? Hell if I know, crazy son of a bitch said he was thinking of moving to Texas. +Hell if I know, crazy son of a bitch said he was thinking of moving to Texas. Without his car? +What about the owner of the house... ...this John Diebold, any idea where he might be? No, but I can tell you he's not gonna be too happy about this. +...Diebold? ...That'd be my guess. +...That'd be my guess. Looks like somebody cut off his ring finger. +Looks like somebody cut off his ring finger. Well now I'd say that's the least of Mr. Diebold's problems. +How old you? 17. +How many people have you had vaginal intercourse with? Umm. Altogether? +Umm. Altogether? Yes. Altogether. +Yes. Altogether. Hmm. I'd say eight, maybe nine. +Hmm. I'd say eight, maybe nine. How many times have you gone unprotected? +How many times have you gone unprotected? With four of them, I didn't use any kind of protection. Wait, maybe it was three. +Have you ever had anal intercourse? Yes. +Yes. With how many people? +With how many people? Umm. Three I believe. But I'm not sure. +Umm. Three I believe. But I'm not sure. Were they wearing condoms? +Were they wearing condoms? Uh. Yes. Twice they weren't. Two times they didn't. +Well, girl. You tested negative for all sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Yes! +Yes! You're clean. +You're clean. Oh my God. I can't tell you how nervous I've been. I couldn't sleep last night. +Oh my God. I can't tell you how nervous I've been. I couldn't sleep last night. Now you gotta be careful. +Shit. Was up bitch? +What do you think? You fucked it? +I knew you fucked it! I sat out here for like two hours! That girl was like twelve, and you hit it up! Who am I? Who am I? The mothafuckin' virgin surgeon. +Well, how was it? Oh my god, so good. That girl can fuck. +Oh my god, so good. That girl can fuck. She can fuck? +She can fuck? Hell yeah. That bitch was bleeding. When I first put it in she screamed real loud. I saw her bite down on the pillow. +Hell yeah. That bitch was bleeding. When I first put it in she screamed real loud. I saw her bite down on the pillow. Oh shit. How long did it take? +Oh shit. How long did it take? Did what take? +Did what take? How long did you fuck her? +Well it took me longer than I thought it would take. It took like 15 minutes to talk her into it. But once it was on, we fucked for a good half an hour. I had to keep taking it out and putting it back in. It hurts the first time. Yeah. +Yeah. But then when she got into it. She really got into it. It was good. +But then when she got into it. She really got into it. It was good. How did she smell? Did her puss stink? +Oh man, it smells like butterscotch. Hell's yeah. She was so clean. +Hell's yeah. She was so clean. Oh man, that's the best. +Oh man, that's the best. You could tell she took care of herself. She had all these powders and creams in her bathroom. +You could tell she took care of herself. She had all these powders and creams in her bathroom. Let me smell it again. +You know what else? What? +What? I can tell that she had just entered puberty. +I can tell that she had just entered puberty. How? +How? Well, I was flipping through a picture book of her and her family, right. +Well, I was flipping through a picture book of her and her family, right. Right. +Right. And there was this picture of her painting Easter eggs or something. And I said, you were cute when you were little. +And there was this picture of her painting Easter eggs or something. And I said, you were cute when you were little. Yeah. +Yeah. And she goes, yeah that picture was taken less than a year ago. I look younger without my makeup. +And I looked at her, and thought to myself Oh my god, this girl is a baby. Yeah. +Yeah. And for a second I felt a little bit guilty. You know, because she's young and all. And then I was like, oh shit, that turns me on. I wanna fuck this little baby girl. +I'm telling you Casper. I think I'm getting addicted to that shit. To what? Virgins? +To what? Virgins? Yeah. It's like all I think about now. Not just that, it's like lately during sex, I start dreaming about these complex fantasies. +Yeah. It's like all I think about now. Not just that, it's like lately during sex, I start dreaming about these complex fantasies. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I mean I'm dreaming about going all out, crazy shit. +I mean I'm dreaming about going all out, crazy shit. You mean like fucking two virgins at once. +You mean like fucking two virgins at once. That would be good. But I mean more like. I don't know. Like when I was having sex with her, I kept thinking how much I would like to put it in her ass. Just to see what would happen. +That would be good. But I mean more like. I don't know. Like when I was having sex with her, I kept thinking how much I would like to put it in her ass. Just to see what would happen. She's probably smash you in the fucking face. +She's probably smash you in the fucking face. I don't know about that. She was pretty into it. But I wasn't gonna try. The whole thing is, you just gotta take it slow. Show 'em some respect. +I don't know about that. She was pretty into it. But I wasn't gonna try. The whole thing is, you just gotta take it slow. Show 'em some respect. Did you tell her that you loved her? +Did you tell her that you loved her? Like. Like. Never love. Love is for low-level virgin seduction guys. +Shit. What do you want? +What do you want? Get another forty. Smoke a blunt. +Get another forty. Smoke a blunt. Are you hungry? +Are you hungry? Hell yeah. Fuckin' starvin'. Wait up a sec. +You wanna go to Paul's house? What for? That guys a dick. +What for? That guys a dick. I'm sure he's got food. He's always got those microwave burrito things in his freezer. +I'm sure he's got food. He's always got those microwave burrito things in his freezer. You think he's got any herb? +You think he's got any herb? I don't know, he quit dealin' but I'll bet he'll smoke us out. +I don't know, he quit dealin' but I'll bet he'll smoke us out. You think? +You think? Probably. +Probably. He lives on 76th? +He lives on 76th? 78th. +78th. Den less go Joe. +Telly. Yeah. +Yeah. Did she suck your dick? +Did she suck your dick? A little bit. But I didn't really want her to. +A little bit. But I didn't really want her to. Why? +Why? I don't know. That's too easy. I mean getting a virgin to suck your dick. That's so easy. +I don't know. That's too easy. I mean getting a virgin to suck your dick. That's so easy. It is right. +It is right. I want to knock her guard down. I mean there's a whole philosophy behind it. Having a virgin suck your dick, that's basic because there's nothing lost. +I want to knock her guard down. I mean there's a whole philosophy behind it. Having a virgin suck your dick, that's basic because there's nothing lost. It's no big deal, right? +It's no big deal, right? Right. But when you deflower a girl, that's it. You did it. You were the one. No one else can ever do it. +Right. But when you deflower a girl, that's it. You did it. You were the one. No one else can ever do it. Yeah. The way I see it. My outlook on the this situation is. It's like getting fame, you know what I'm saying. It's like, if you died tomorrow, and fifty years from now all the virgins you fucked are gonna remember you because you were their first. +Yeah. The way I see it. My outlook on the this situation is. It's like getting fame, you know what I'm saying. It's like, if you died tomorrow, and fifty years from now all the virgins you fucked are gonna remember you because you were their first. Yep. +Yep. They're gonna tell their grand kids. That Telly. He sure was good in the sack! +You thirsty? Yeah, I feel dehydrated. +Yeah, I feel dehydrated. You got any money? +You got any money? Three pennies and a ball of lint. +Three pennies and a ball of lint. You down with the boost? +You down with the boost? Unzip my pack, yo. +"You know like in ""The Wonder Twins"" they share everything." The cartoon? +The cartoon? "Yeah. ""The Wonder Twins"". You know. Activate in the form of, a glass of water." +"Yeah. ""The Wonder Twins"". You know. Activate in the form of, a glass of water." Yeah. +Yeah. Well, those guys share everything, right? +Well, those guys share everything, right? Right. +Right. And once I saw this episode where they pretended they were each other. Where they lived the other's life for a day. You know those guys share everything, right? +And once I saw this episode where they pretended they were each other. Where they lived the other's life for a day. You know those guys share everything, right? Right. +Right. And it got me thinkin'. How fun it would be to share each other's girl. +And it got me thinkin'. How fun it would be to share each other's girl. Yeah, that would be fun but I don't like any of the girls you go out with. Like that one girl with two teeth and a clit ring. +Yeah, that would be fun but I don't like any of the girls you go out with. Like that one girl with two teeth and a clit ring. "No, I'm serious man. I'm dead ass. Do you wanna try? We could be like the fuckin X-rated ""Wonder Twins""!" +Can you do it man? Can I do it? I just broke her cherry. I imagine I can make her do anything. Bark like a dog, jump through a ring of fire. +That girl you boned last year. Remember? Man I haven't seen her in forever. What the fuck's she up to? +But that's the thing. Girl's like it slow. They like romance. They like things to be sweet and romantic. Yep. +Yep. I mean I've been with a lot of girls I know. +I mean I've been with a lot of girls I know. Yeah me too nigga. +I hate this game. No. Casper's right. Girls love it. They just act like they don't in front of their friends. +Man, this guy is really good. He looks like my uncle. +I wanna fuck Darcy. Who? +Who? Darcy. Benny's little sister. +Darcy. Benny's little sister. Oh. You like her? +Oh. You like her? Yeah. I like her. I've wanted to get with her for a while now. +Yeah. I like her. I've wanted to get with her for a while now. Darcy? +Darcy? Yeah. She's so little, so pretty, and innocent. +Yeah. She's so little, so pretty, and innocent. Yeah. She's only 13. +Yeah. She's only 13. It's funny. Last weekend at that block party. Remember? +It's funny. Last weekend at that block party. Remember? Yeah. +Yeah. She was handing out those watermelon slices. And I sat down over on the other side, And I watched her. +She was handing out those watermelon slices. And I sat down over on the other side, And I watched her. Yeah. +Yeah. I watched her eat the watermelon. And all this juice started running down her chin and onto her shirt. +I watched her eat the watermelon. And all this juice started running down her chin and onto her shirt. Yeah. +Yeah. And after about two seconds, I got the biggest hard-on. +I'm not joking. I wanted to take my dick out and start jacking right there. At that point and moment, Darcy was like a vision of perfection. I know what you mean. +I know what you mean. At that moment, at that block party, she represented everything holy about a virgin. +At that moment, at that block party, she represented everything holy about a virgin. She hangs out at Nasa. She promotes for them. +She hangs out at Nasa. She promotes for them. I'm gonna fuck her tonight. I swear to God I'm gonna fuck her. +I'm gonna fuck her tonight. I swear to God I'm gonna fuck her. How are you gonna fuck two virgins in a day? That shits gotta be against the law. +How are you gonna fuck two virgins in a day? That shits gotta be against the law. I don't care motha fucka. I'll bet you money she fucks me. +I don't care motha fucka. I'll bet you money she fucks me. Bet. +You wanna run by the park and see what everybody's doing? Get zooted? I guess so. I gotta stop off home too. +I don't understand why you do that. Why I do what? +Why I do what? That. +That. Why I give pennies? +Why I give pennies? Yeah. Why you give money. +Yeah. Why you give money. Did you look at that guy? What the fuck. He had no legs. He had no half his lower body. He's gotta shit out of his ribcage. +Did you look at that guy? What the fuck. He had no legs. He had no half his lower body. He's gotta shit out of his ribcage. That's just it. It's elitist. It's reverse elitism. Because you give money to whoever is the most fucked up. I notice what you do. +That's just it. It's elitist. It's reverse elitism. Because you give money to whoever is the most fucked up. I notice what you do. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Whenever you see someone who's really messed up, especially amputees and retards. You give them money. But if it's just a regular bum, you pass them by. +Whenever you see someone who's really messed up, especially amputees and retards. You give them money. But if it's just a regular bum, you pass them by. So. +So. So. These people live on the same streets. It's just that you reserve your money for those people who are massively fucked up. The regular bums aren't poor enough for you, you gotta give it to the bottom of the barrel scum fucks. +So. These people live on the same streets. It's just that you reserve your money for those people who are massively fucked up. The regular bums aren't poor enough for you, you gotta give it to the bottom of the barrel scum fucks. So. You never know when you can end up like that. +So. You never know when you can end up like that. Right. +Right. I'll tell you why. Because when I was little, I had a fat cousin, cousin Luke. And he used to make fun of the handicapped. And one day he had a bad stomachache. So he drank a bottle of Pepto and his ass blew off. +I'll tell you why. Because when I was little, I had a fat cousin, cousin Luke. And he used to make fun of the handicapped. And one day he had a bad stomachache. So he drank a bottle of Pepto and his ass blew off. Shut up. +Shut up. I'm telling you the truth. And after that, I've always givin' my money to retards. Because that's the reverse of what he did. +So really, it's good luck. Good luck? +Good luck? Yeah, good luck. I mean what the fuck. The guy had no legs. +Man, Telly, your little brother is getting big. Yeah. +Holy shit man, your mom's got good titties. Shut the fuck up. +How much you gonna take? I don't know. How much do you want? +About ten. Fifteen is good. Fifteen for me. +You think Darcy is gonna be at Nasa tonight? Yeah probably. +Yo, you got any weed around here? Naw. But we should run by the park and get a dime. Maybe Darcy will be at the park. +Yo. I'm gonna get buff dude. You are? +You are? Yeah. The other day, some sort of Chinese bitch told me I'd look good with muscles. +Nah. Why not? You stink. +Why not? You stink. That shit gives me a rash all under my arms and around my stomach. I like my odor. It's fuckin' natural. +Hurry up man. Let's be out. I wanna go swimmin'. Hold up man. +Casper. Hey Jennie. Long time no see. What are you doing here? +Hey Jennie. Long time no see. What are you doing here? Casper, where's Telly. +Casper, where's Telly. What do ya want with Telly? That guy has enough bitches. +What do ya want with Telly? That guy has enough bitches. Casper, where is he? +Casper, where is he? Don't look for him. He's doing fine. He's gotta girl. He's fuckin' her right now in Steven's parents' room. So do ya know Joe. +Casper! Was up kid? Nothen' B. +Nothen' B. Where you at? +Where you at? Right here. +Right here. Where you goin' tonight? +Where you goin' tonight? Maybe Nasa. I don't know. +Maybe Nasa. I don't know. You goin'? +You goin'? Yeah. +Yeah. I'm goin'. You on the list? +I'm goin'. You on the list? Probably. Fuck that, I'll sneak in. I need some female vagina tonight. +Probably. Fuck that, I'll sneak in. I need some female vagina tonight. I had a female vagina last night. +Yo, you think we killed that guy? Na. +Na. You sure? +You sure? I don't know. But all I know is that I kicked him so many times my fuckin' toe feels broken. +I don't know. But all I know is that I kicked him so many times my fuckin' toe feels broken. Yo, we might have killed him. You think? +Man we fucked him up. Hell ya. We broke that mothafucka. +No I'm serious. Can I suck your tit? Either of you guys. I don't care. Yeah me too. +I don't know. I just never seen girls that did that shit before. But I think it looks nice. Yeah. Do it again. +Yeah watch the fuck where you skate. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, watch where you walk dukes. +Yeah, watch where you walk dukes. What? +What? Nuffin' G. Just forget it. +Nuffin' G. Just forget it. What the fuck yo? You wanna catch a beat down? +Sup then? Sup? Come on bitch. Throw your fists up. +Sup. Sup. Come on nigga. Sup, sup then? Stop faking moves. +Come on nigga. Sup, sup then? Stop faking moves. I'm gonna fuck you up bitch. +Hey. Hey. What are you doin' right now? +Hey. What are you doin' right now? I was just getting ready to take a bath. +I was just getting ready to take a bath. Don't take a bath. Come swimmin' with us! +Come on. Come swimmin' with us. Right now? +Right now? Yeah. Come on. +Yeah. Come on. Hold on. +Ooh. You're gonna give me goose bumps. Is it cold? +You know I've been thinking about you lately. You have? +You have? Yeah. After I saw you last week. +Yeah. After I saw you last week. At the block party? +At the block party? Yeah. +I was lookin' for you all day today. You were? +You were? Sure. I even thought about you when I woke up. +I thought you had a girlfriend. Naw. I'm not seeing anybody. What about you? +Naw. I'm not seeing anybody. What about you? No. I can't. My mom won't let me have boyfriends. +No. I can't. My mom won't let me have boyfriends. She won't? Why not? +She won't? Why not? I don't know. I guess it's cause my sister Nicki had a baby when she was like 15. She was really young so my mom is like very protective over me. +I don't know. I guess it's cause my sister Nicki had a baby when she was like 15. She was really young so my mom is like very protective over me. Yeah. I can understand that. +You should come back with me to Steven's house. Tonight? +Tonight? Yeah. His parents are away. It's gonna be a bug out. +Yeah. His parents are away. It's gonna be a bug out. I don't know. I'm supposed to go to Nasa tonight. +I don't know. I'm supposed to go to Nasa tonight. Come on. You can rave on another night. +Come on. It'll be fun. We'll just bug out. There should be a bunch of people. It'll be fun I promise. Yeah? +Yeah? Yeah. It'll be nice. It'll be a change of pace. That club shit gets boring. +Do you like kissing me? Yes. +Uh huh. I think you're like the best girl I've ever kissed. +I don't even want to talk, but I gotta tell you that when I first saw you last week, I, I couldn't stop thinking about you. You've been stuck in my head. Come on. +Come on. No. No, I'm serious. I'm not joking. I just like you. That's all. +No. No, I'm serious. I'm not joking. I just like you. That's all. I like you too. +I'm nervous. Trust me. Don't be nervous. +I like you so much. I think you're beautiful. I think if we fucked you would love it. You wouldn't believe it. How do you know? +How do you know? I just know. I know you'll love it. +I just know. I know you'll love it. But I'm scared Telly. +But I'm scared Telly. I'm telling you. There's nothing in the world to worry about. +I'm telling you. There's nothing in the world to worry about. Nothing? +Nothing. I'm telling you I just want to make you happy. That's all. Just trust me. I don't want you to hurt me. +I don't want you to hurt me. I don't want you to hurt you. I'll be gentle. +I don't want you to hurt you. I'll be gentle. Do you care about me? +Do you care about me? Of course I do. +Jennie, Jennie. How do you feel? Fine Fidget. What's all this? +Fine Fidget. What's all this? Oh man. You gotta see this. It's a spectacle. A real spectacle. +Who are they? I don't know. I've never seen any of them before. Cornballs from Jersey on X. Feelin' the effex. +What is it? Bang up stuff. +This makes Special K look weak. It's a euphoric blockbuster. No, Fidget, I... +No, Fidget, I... Come on Jennie. You look sad. Just take it. +Come on Jennie. You look sad. Just take it. No... +No... Here. Swallow. +You know what I want to do? Yeah. +Yeah. What do I want to do? +What do I want to do? You want to fuck me. But you can't fuck me. +You want to fuck me. But you can't fuck me. Why? +Why? Because, you know why. You know. +Because, you know why. You know. Because your a virgin? +Because your a virgin? Because I'm a virgin and I don't want no baby. +Because I'm a virgin and I don't want no baby. You think I want a baby? When you're with me, you don't have to worry about that kinda stuff. +You think I want a baby? When you're with me, you don't have to worry about that kinda stuff. Why is that? +Why is that? Because I like you. I think you're beautiful. I think if we fucked you would love it. You wouldn't even believe it. +Because I like you. I think you're beautiful. I think if we fucked you would love it. You wouldn't even believe it. I wouldn't believe it? +I wouldn't believe it? I don't know. I just think that you would love it. +I don't know. I just think that you would love it. But, I don't know. I'm just scared that things would change. Between us. +But, I don't know. I'm just scared that things would change. Between us. What things? I'm telling you, nothing's going to change. I want to make you happy. That's all. +You know it won't hurt. I'll be gentle. I promise. Do you care about me? +Do you care about me? Of course I do. +Dance! What? +What? Come dance. +Come dance. I don't feel so well. Have you seen Telly anywhere? +I don't feel so well. Have you seen Telly anywhere? Telly is at Steven's. There's a bunch of people over there. Come on dance. +Telly is at Steven's? I guess so. +How old are you? 15. +How many people have you had vaginal intercourse with? One. +One. Were you protected? +Have you ever had anal intercourse? No. +Jennie. You've tested positive for the HIV infection. What? +What? The test isn't one hundred percent accurate. You should... +The test isn't one hundred percent accurate. You should... I tested positive? +I tested positive? I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. But I only had sex with Telly. +Can I ask you a question? I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a pest. What? +What? Well, I don't mean to be a pest. It was just that I was looking at you. And you look upset. I liked looking at you, but your face looks upset. And I was wondering if I could be of any assistance? Maybe I could cheer you up or somethin. Help make you happy. Who knows? Somethin' maybe. +No. I'm OK. Thanks. You're OK? +You're OK? Yeah. +Yeah. Because gee, you don't look OK. I mean you're a very beautiful young lady. It's just that you look troubled that's all... +Because gee, you don't look OK. I mean you're a very beautiful young lady. It's just that you look troubled that's all... Yeah well, it's been a bad day. +Yeah well, it's been a bad day. A bad day! You wanna hear a bad day? Yesterday my son was smashed over by a car and when my wife found out she collapsed on the floor. She had a minor heart attack. Partial paralysis. But I don't let myself get sad. No way. Not me. It's not good for the soul. +Sorry. Oh it's OK. That's life. Maybe tomorrow I'll win lotto. Who knows? You don't. No one does. +Miss, would I be prying? Everything is wrong. +Everything is wrong. No, not everything? The sun is still shinning. It's a beautiful day out. Some things are OK. Right? +No, not everything? The sun is still shinning. It's a beautiful day out. Some things are OK. Right? Yeah, I guess so. +Yeah, I guess so. Did you and your boyfriend just break up? +Did you and your boyfriend just break up? No. +No. Are you in trouble with the law? +Are you in trouble with the law? No. +No. Am I getting warm? +Now that's it. A smile. You look like a prom queen when you smile. Like a glamour girl. Yeah? +Yeah? Oh yeah, sure. When I was a kid I had a crush on the prom queen. Darlene Louis. She had a big black mole in the center of her face that used to get me so excited. Darlene Louis. You know you look a little bit like her. +Oh yeah, sure. When I was a kid I had a crush on the prom queen. Darlene Louis. She had a big black mole in the center of her face that used to get me so excited. Darlene Louis. You know you look a little bit like her. Thanks. +Thanks. Yeah. Right around the cheeks and chin. Boy did I have a crush on her. She was the first girl I ever put my tongue in her mouth. +I swear to God. Sometimes he barks. I can hear him straight off my arm. Ruff, ruff, he goes. Yeah? +Yeah? Yeah. I'm not saying you should get a tattoo. But you should make yourself happy. +Yeah. I'm not saying you should get a tattoo. But you should make yourself happy. What if you can't make yourself happy? What if everything falls apart? +What if you can't make yourself happy? What if everything falls apart? "Well then, I don't know. You know what you do then? You forget. Block it out. I remember when I was a little boy. My grandmother told me to be happy. She said. She said, ""Leon, my darling little grandson. If you want to be happy don't think. Don't bump into any walls. If you stutter. Don't talk"" And I took her advice. And look at me now. Couldn't be happier." +Your a real philosopher. Yeah. I was gonna write a book but I can't spell. +Hello. Hello Paul. Is Telly inside? +Hello Paul. Is Telly inside? Is Telly there? This is Paul. Who is this? +Is Telly there? This is Paul. Who is this? It's Jennie. Just tell me if Telly is there. +It's Jennie. Just tell me if Telly is there. Oh hi Jennie. Do you want to come make out with me? +Oh hi Jennie. Do you want to come make out with me? I'm fucking serious. Where's Telly? +I'm fucking serious. Where's Telly? Telly's not here right now. I believe he went downtown. Casper too. +Telly says was up. I knew he wouldn't want to speak to me. That dick. +I knew he wouldn't want to speak to me. That dick. You still mad at him? +You still mad at him? Of course. How am I gonna forgive him after what he did?! +The pain. The fucking pain! And you feel like you're being ripped open inside. +And you feel like you're being ripped open inside. You are being ripped open. +You are being ripped open. I know. +I know. Did you bleed? +Did you bleed? I didn't bleed. +I didn't bleed. You didn't? +You didn't? No, I didn't bleed. +Hell yeah. I love. I love sex. Foreplay. Foreplay. +Right. You're like it's just this instinct. It's like this animal instinct is taking over you. It's like... Passion... +Passion... Boom!!! Boom!!! +Yep, yep. But he has to know what he's doing and where he's going. Because they can like touch you for hours and they won't ever know. Hell yeah, they don't know. +Like where are your erogenous zones? Mine? +Mine? Mine are like my neck and my chest. +I hate sucking dick! Yeah. 'Cause they fucking shoot you in the eye, the face, the ear. +Yeah. 'Cause they fucking shoot you in the eye, the face, the ear. And sometimes it takes a long time, and you're fucking gagging. +And sometimes it takes a long time, and you're fucking gagging. Yeah. And then it hits that little thing. That little punch bag. What is it? The tonsils. The esophagus, whatever. +Yeah. And then it hits that little thing. That little punch bag. What is it? The tonsils. The esophagus, whatever. Yeah. And you're not getting anything out of it. +Yeah. And you're not getting anything out of it. And it's like. How much more can I bob here? You know. +Wish me luck. Good luck. +Shh. Come on, it's gonna be OK. That's it. I'm gonna have to tell my little brother, I'm gonna die. I can't make him his lunches anymore. +That's it. I'm gonna have to tell my little brother, I'm gonna die. I can't make him his lunches anymore. Come on. Don't cry. We'll work it out. +Come on. Don't cry. We'll work it out. I only did it once and... +I gotta go. I gotta find Telly. Don't go anywhere. Stay with me. +Don't go anywhere. Stay with me. I gotta find him. +I'm coming. No. I just gotta go find him. +Just a lot of crazy shit. Yeah? +Yeah? Yeah. Have you seen Telly around? +Yeah. Have you seen Telly around? Yeah. Speaking of stupid shit. Him and his ape ass of a friend Casper, they all just almost killed some kid. +Yeah. Speaking of stupid shit. Him and his ape ass of a friend Casper, they all just almost killed some kid. What happened? +What happened? I don't know. Just some messy little scrap. You know that bullshit. +I don't know. Just some messy little scrap. You know that bullshit. Do you know where he went? +Do you know where he went? I'm not sure. He said something about meeting Darcy. I think he likes her now. +I'm not sure. He said something about meeting Darcy. I think he likes her now. Who, Benny's little sister? +Who, Benny's little sister? Yeah. She should be at Nasa tonight. Why you lookin for him? You like him now or sometin'? +Uh, let's see here, would you happen to have diss digg? Whah? +Whah? Diss digg. I'm curious if you have it? +Diss digg. I'm curious if you have it? Whah is dissdee? +Diss digg, diss digg, diss digg. I no understand you. Maybe crazy. +I'll ask you one last time. Do you have diss digg? Whah you say? Dissdee? +Yeah. And sex is just like, yeah let's have sex. It's like yeah whatever. But when you fuck. You wanna fuck that person. You're like ripping each other's hair out. Ooooh. +You know... You know a lot of times sex gets in the way. Has that ever happened to you? Yep. +Yep. You know. Because sometimes the foreplay is just so good. And then when it actually comes time for sex. It's like the worst letdown. +I was like yes! I'm going out with him! That's right. That's why foreplay is better than sex. +That's right. That's why foreplay is better than sex. Yep. +Yep. Because he can like climax you up to that... +And you don't get shit out of it. Have you ever swallowed it before? +Yep. That's the best way. It's that boom boom boom. Right. You know it's not like... You know there's a difference between sex, making love, and fucking! +Right. You know it's not like... You know there's a difference between sex, making love, and fucking! Yep. +Yep. Making love is like. +Making love is like. Sweet. +Yeah. It's like... +It's like... You know what it's like. It's like when you really love someone, it's like awww. +You know what it's like. It's like when you really love someone, it's like awww. Yeah. +Yeah. Its like. But it gets boring. It's boring. +Its like. But it gets boring. It's boring. It's really slow. It's slow boring. +Yeah. Mine are my toes. Oh my God if someone sucks my toes I'll come in like ten seconds! Yeah. It depends. Cause like this one time with Eric, when we got blasted at his house. And Smash J and DJ Flipper was there... +Yeah. It depends. Cause like this one time with Eric, when we got blasted at his house. And Smash J and DJ Flipper was there... Oh shit. +Oh shit. And we were blasted, and he must have been dumb horney. And he just pulled me over to the bed. And they were in the room, like getting dressed, like getting ready to go to go to Disco +Yep. But then the sex gets into the way and you're like: What happened! What the hell happened?! +But then the sex gets into the way and you're like: What happened! What the hell happened?! Yeah it's the biggest disappointment! +Yeah. The shit gets wacked. Fifteen minutes. Yeah. Fifteen minutes to a half an hour. Hard and deep. +Yeah. Fifteen minutes to a half an hour. Hard and deep. Me. I can only take it up to fifteen minutes. Cause I get bored. +Me. I can only take it up to fifteen minutes. Cause I get bored. Yeah I get bored. +Yeah I get bored. I start thinking about what I'm gonna eat afterwards. +I've known the past of all the people I've fucked without a condom. Like I know one of the people got tested and was negative. Yeah. +Yeah. And I know that one of them fucked like two other girls, who were both virgins, so I knew he was safe. +And I know that one of them fucked like two other girls, who were both virgins, so I knew he was safe. Yeah. +Yeah. And the other person I just fucked, which was a mistake. But I went to the clinic last week with Jennie. +I made her get tested with me because I didn't want to go alone. Did they ask you a lot of questions? +How can you hang out with Casper? He's such a jerk. You think so? +You think so? Yeah. I've always hated that kid. He used to eat glue in like seventh grade. +Yeah. I've always hated that kid. He used to eat glue in like seventh grade. He still does. +He still does. I hate 'em. +I hate 'em. It's not his fault. He had a hard life. +It's not his fault. He had a hard life. Yeah? +Yeah? You've heard the stories right? +You've heard the stories right? No. +So that's why Casper is how he is. Oh god. That's horrible. +Yep. Holy shit. That's all true? +Holy shit. That's all true? No. I was just kidding. +No. I was just kidding. What?! +What?! I lied. His dad is still alive. He works for the post office. +Hi mom. Hi Telly. Where you been? +Sorry. Dad made me promise not to give you any money until you find a job. But then I won't need your money. +But then I won't need your money. That's right. +Mom. Shh. +Shh. I'm gonna go out for a little while. +I'm gonna go out for a little while. When are you gonna be back? +When are you gonna be back? Not too late. +Not too late. Four-thirty in the morning? +Four-thirty in the morning? Not too late. +Hey Mom. Are you sure I can't get any money? Just a few bucks. If I had it, maybe. But right now I don't have a penny to my name. +If I had it, maybe. But right now I don't have a penny to my name. All right. +Hello? It's me. Telly. +It's me. Telly. Hello? +Hello? Paul it's Telly. Open up. +What are you guys doing? Nothing. We just wanted to come by and see what you were up to. +Nothing. We just wanted to come by and see what you were up to. You want a wip-it? +You want a wip-it? Nah. +So, how many people live here now? I don't know, eight or nine. +I don't know, eight or nine. Where does everyone sleep? +Where does everyone sleep? Everywhere. Fuckin' flophouse. We're still short on the rent. If you want, you and Casper can move in. You guys can share the bathtub. +That's the whole thing. You know if you look at it. I mean all you hear about is disease this and disease that. And everyone's dying. And you better wear a condom or else. But the truth is. I don't know any kids with AIDS. No one I know has ever died from that shit. It's like some weird make-believe story that the whole world believes. Yep. +First times are always wacked. Just be glad you didn't lose your virginity in the backseat of a rental car. That shit is nothin'. I remember, I had just turned 14. With this fuckin' asshole who was like 18. I don't even remember his name. I think it was John or Jake or something. I remember he had a brother named Lentil because I would always joke and call him Lentil Bean. This was away at like sleep away camp with your friends and shit. +Slow. It's grandmother style. +Yeah. It's very monotonous. +Right. And we were like underneath the sheets. We were going at it like crazy. Oh my God that shit was so good! It was like hard... +And we were like underneath the sheets. We were going at it like crazy. Oh my God that shit was so good! It was like hard... Yeah. +Yeah. He was like sucking my tits. He was fucking fingering me. But that shit was nice and hard. +Yeah. And it takes them either too long or too short to come. Have you ever had someone that took forever To come? +To come? Yeah. I had sex with Jake, and it took him like an hour and a half. +It was... it was. It's like sweet and sour, and salty butter. +It's like sweet and sour, and salty butter. No, no, no. You can't get that taste out of your mouth. Until you eat something. +No, no, no. You can't get that taste out of your mouth. Until you eat something. Yeah. +Yeah. You can drink like there's no tomorrow but you still can't get that sperm between the teeth out. It's so disgusting. +What man? What is it? Yo, let me get in your parent's room man. Just fir a little while. +Yo, let me get in your parent's room man. Just fir a little while. I can't man. +I can't man. Come on Steven hook me up. Do me this solid. Come on man. I gotta get Darcy alone. She's gonna let me fuck her man. Please. +Come on Steven hook me up. Do me this solid. Come on man. I gotta get Darcy alone. She's gonna let me fuck her man. Please. Shit. All right. But don't fuck with anything OK? +Shit. All right. But don't fuck with anything OK? OK. +I've talked to a few people who say you and her were... friendly? Chess tournaments can be boring sometimes. People have a lot of free time. They like to gossip. +By yourself? Yes. +We seem to have a little problem here? What kind of problem? +What kind of problem? I think you're lying. That's what kind of problem. +I think you're lying. That's what kind of problem. What are you saying? +Casual. Casual? You were boning her weren't you? +Casual? You were boning her weren't you? It wasn't serious. What's your problem? +It wasn't serious. What's your problem? You are! I don't like you. +You are! I don't like you. Fine, don't ask me out on a date. +What's that supposed to mean? It means, if I were a killer and I thought the police were closing in on me I might invent someone to try and put them off the scent. +It means, if I were a killer and I thought the police were closing in on me I might invent someone to try and put them off the scent. That's crazy! Why would I draw attention to myself like that? +That's crazy! Why would I draw attention to myself like that? You like to play games, don't you, Peter? +You like to play games, don't you, Peter? He says on the photo he'll call tomorrow at eleven. Why not come back then and listen for yourself. +He says on the photo he'll call tomorrow at eleven. Why not come back then and listen for yourself. Oh, we'll be back. You can bet on it. +Meaning, it looks like his victims are chosen at random. No. +What do you mean, no? He says it's a game. All games have a strategy. +He says it's a game. All games have a strategy. All you gotta do is look at the map. +All you gotta do is look at the map. His victims aren't random. It only means that they appear to be random. There's a connection, we just have to find it. +Morpheus. What? +What? "Not what -- who. Morpheus. The Greek God of dreams. Look at the next line. ""Her God has gone and left his home.""" +Are you crazy? Let's see how much he wants to play. +What in the hell do you think you're doing? Slamming down the phone in the middle of the trace. You think you're going to catch him on a trace? Everything he does is planned out well in advance. The only way we're going to get him is to rattle him -- make him slip up. +We didn't ask for your opinion, Doctor. Maybe you should. +You don't tell us how to run our investigation. You got that? You don't have an investigation without me. You got that? +You know, I figure that's pretty much how these girl's feel just before they get it. You think I'm right? I wouldn't know. +I wouldn't know. That's right. I guess only the killer would know that. +That's right. I guess only the killer would know that. How'd you get in here? +How'd you get in here? The door was open. +The door was open. No it wasn't. +No it wasn't. Of course it was. Otherwise I'd be breaking and entering. That's a felony. +Of course it was. Otherwise I'd be breaking and entering. That's a felony. What do you want? +What do you want? You ever do any hunting, Peter? +No. I used to. With my old man. He taught me how to hunt and trap. Trapping's a lot harder than most people think. We used to go after Raccoons mostly. They'd get into our garbage, our fields. When an animal can't live peacefully with those around it, it has to be destroyed. But they're crafty little devils. You see the trick is, you can put your trap down, but no Raccoon is going come near it unless you lay down the scent. You ever smell Raccoon scent? Smells like shit, but to a male Raccoon it smells just like pussy. He'll walk right up to that trap, even though it don't look nothing like a Raccoon and stick his Goddam head right in it. You know why? Cause he can't help himself. The scent drives him. So, if you want to catch a Raccoon all you gotta do is figure out where he is -- lay down the scent -- and sooner or later he'll walk right into the trap. +I used to. With my old man. He taught me how to hunt and trap. Trapping's a lot harder than most people think. We used to go after Raccoons mostly. They'd get into our garbage, our fields. When an animal can't live peacefully with those around it, it has to be destroyed. But they're crafty little devils. You see the trick is, you can put your trap down, but no Raccoon is going come near it unless you lay down the scent. You ever smell Raccoon scent? Smells like shit, but to a male Raccoon it smells just like pussy. He'll walk right up to that trap, even though it don't look nothing like a Raccoon and stick his Goddam head right in it. You know why? Cause he can't help himself. The scent drives him. So, if you want to catch a Raccoon all you gotta do is figure out where he is -- lay down the scent -- and sooner or later he'll walk right into the trap. What if he doesn't bite? What if he's an exceptionally bright Raccoon? +What if he doesn't bite? What if he's an exceptionally bright Raccoon? Well then, you just gotta find out where he is -- and once you're sure where he is -- you shoot the fucker. +You got it on the board. No, I need the original note. +No, I need the original note. There's a photostat of the original on the wall. +He's not talking about himself. Then what's he talking about? +Then what's he talking about? If we knew that we'd know the answer to the riddle, wouldn't we? He's telling us where he's going to kill tonight and we can't see it. +Then let's narrow it down. Homesearchers. +We're interested in where you were from the time you left the auditorium until you got there. I was at the beach. +You sure you weren't over on Pine Road? I'm positive. +I'm positive. You're a lying bastard! +You're a lying bastard! Fuck you! I'm tired of your goddam accusations! If you want to arrest me go ahead! Otherwise back off. +Fuck you! I'm tired of your goddam accusations! If you want to arrest me go ahead! Otherwise back off. It's all a big game isn't it? A sick, fuckin' game. I don't know if there's two of you involved, or what -- but we're going to find out. Last night you gave us just enough to send us to the wrong place. It must've shocked the hell out to you when Frank walked in on Pine Road and you couldn't finish. +Yes you are. Get off me! +You set yourself up tonight when you attacked Kathy, you crazy fuck! What? +The message! I figured out-- Sit down! +You want me to what? I want you to feed every street in this grid into your computer. +I want you to feed every street in this grid into your computer. It'll take hours. You can't make me do this. +It'll take hours. You can't make me do this. You're right, I can't make you do it. Besides, you're probably gonna be too busy with the Franchise Tax Board anyway. +You're right, I can't make you do it. Besides, you're probably gonna be too busy with the Franchise Tax Board anyway. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I gotta friend over there. He was telling me things are kind of slow. So, I figured I'd give him a call, have him come down here and look through your records. You know, give him something to do. +I gotta friend over there. He was telling me things are kind of slow. So, I figured I'd give him a call, have him come down here and look through your records. You know, give him something to do. What's the first street? +Sorry to ruin your trip to the city, but we got a real nut on our hands, Frank. Run it down. +Debi Rutlege. Female. Caucasian. Twenty four. Worked over at the Four Oaks Hotel. Local? +Local? No. She just moved here last month from Portland. +What do you think? He's got an answer for everything, but he doesn't have an alibi. +He's got an answer for everything, but he doesn't have an alibi. You think he's dirty? +You think he's dirty? I don't know, but I think you're right. He's lying. +We wouldn't want someone's death to interfere with your games. What was your relationship with her? +Take it easy. Both of you. I'm sorry, this is just too convenient. +No shit! Could someone this disturbed give the appearance of being normal? +Sorry. Anything? +The F.B.I. has nothing remotely similar to this guy. I think he's a first- timer. Check with the State. If he's never killed outside of Washington the F.B.I. wouldn't have it. Nolan? +You still having a problem with this? Yeah, I am. I think he's playing us. If I was a killer and the police were trying to make a case against me, what better why to draw them off than to put their attention on someone else? +We've checked. There's no one with the last name of Emma on the Island. Maybe he's going to drug her? +How is she? She's unconscious, but they think she's going to make it. +She's unconscious, but they think she's going to make it. You alright? +You alright? I've seen a lot of things in my time on the job, but nothing like this. Yurilivich? +I've seen a lot of things in my time on the job, but nothing like this. Yurilivich? I was with him the whole time until I got the call at the hotel. +I was with him the whole time until I got the call at the hotel. Sanderson? +I spoke to Jeremy. He's watching Sanderson's kid. Sanderson went out after the match and hasn't come back since. Find him! I want to talk to him. +What is it? It's a voice modulator. +Ready for round two? I've got a feeling we're going to go the distance with him. Let him sweat for a little while. +You should be an actor, Frank. You looked like you were really mad. The veins popping out on your neck was a really nice touch. You weren't mad at him for picking up the phone? +Why does he call Sanderson? He's one of the best Chess players in the world. Who better to play a game with? +Sending yourself anonymous notes in the mail is one thing -- but who called him today? I don't know. Maybe there's two of them. Maybe he hired some Wino to make the calls. +I don't know. Maybe there's two of them. Maybe he hired some Wino to make the calls. Maybe you're reaching a bit? I think Sanderson should be in on this. There's a reason why the killer's calling him. +A few people. Did anyone stand out? +Did anyone stand out? What do you mean, stand out? +What do you mean, stand out? Did anyone look suspicious? Think! +Did anyone look suspicious? Think! Now that you mention it there was somebody who looked suspicious. +Now that you mention it there was somebody who looked suspicious. What was suspicious about him? +It doesn't make sense because we don't understand it. But a hundred men could move him. +Don't fuck with us! Where did you go! He was with me? +Remember eventually revenge is carefully... Have you tired juxtaposing the words? Oh, c'mon. We're not going to spend any more time on this crap, are we? It doesn't mean anything. It's Sanderson! +Oh, c'mon. We're not going to spend any more time on this crap, are we? It doesn't mean anything. It's Sanderson! It isn't him. Frank, you brought me in on this in the beginning because you wanted my opinion if he was capable of doing this. +It isn't him. Frank, you brought me in on this in the beginning because you wanted my opinion if he was capable of doing this. Jesus, you're sleeping with the guy. You've lost your perspective. You can't possibly be unbiased. +We'll find the evidence. You couldn't find your dick in a wind storm! +Hello, Peter. Who is this? +Who is this? Someone who's going to become an important part of your life. I want to play a game with you. +Someone who's going to become an important part of your life. I want to play a game with you. I haven't got time for this. +Hello, Peter. Just a second. Hello? +Very amateurish, Peter. I'm surprised you would use such an obvious tactic. I'm not an idiot! Don't treat me as one! I'll call you everyday... You get one minute, whether you put me on hold or talk is up to you! Are you ready to play? Yes. Why did you kill Debi Rutlege? +Yes. Why did you kill Debi Rutlege? To get your attention. +To get your attention. Did you know her? +Did you know her? No, only the path she chose to travel. +And -- what path is that? We all have paths to follow. You hope yours will lead you to me. +We all have paths to follow. You hope yours will lead you to me. Why did you write remember on the wall? +Why did you write remember on the wall? That's something you'll have to figure out for yourself. Really, Peter, you can't expect me to answer such direct questions. +That's something you'll have to figure out for yourself. Really, Peter, you can't expect me to answer such direct questions. Why not? +Why not? You don't want to think and that's why I'll win! I'm already two points ahead. +You don't want to think and that's why I'll win! I'm already two points ahead. What? +I did another one last night. You might have saved her, but you didn't want to play. Where is she? +Where is she? You'll find her. +You'll find her. If you got something to say to me, just come out and say it! +I suppose you want to know where I'm going to kill tonight, Peter? You're not going to tell me that. +You're not going to tell me that. """Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town. Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown. Crawling through the window. At the end of Miss Emma's street. Her God has gone and left his home. So her and I can meet.""" +Hello? Do you know what I'm doing right now, Peter? I'm looking at the name of the girl I'm going to kill tonight. +Do you know what I'm doing right now, Peter? I'm looking at the name of the girl I'm going to kill tonight. You know her? +You know her? Not really. +Not really. Why her? +Why her? Because she's the type. +Because she's the type. But you said you didn't know her. +But you said you didn't know her. I know what I said! She looks just like... +I know what I said! She looks just like... Just like who? +Just like who? I really wish you'd stop trying to maneuver me. I find it irritating, not to mention insulting. +I really wish you'd stop trying to maneuver me. I find it irritating, not to mention insulting. I'm just trying to play the game. +I'm just trying to play the game. You're not playing very well. There are clues all around you and you keep missing them. +I'm sure there are other people who would be interested in what I have to say. Then call them! +Just for that no hint today. Why are you doing this? You must have some idea of the pain you're causing people. +Why are you doing this? You must have some idea of the pain you're causing people. Pain? Pain is just a state of mind. It's something you learn to live with. I have. +And you want these girls to feel your pain? Please, I don't want to get into the psychological aspects of my actions. It would detract from the game. +Please, I don't want to get into the psychological aspects of my actions. It would detract from the game. How? +How? I couldn't say it any better than Huxley. +"Huxley's quote also says, ""his play is always fair and just.""" So is mine, within the framework of my rules. +Have you any idea what the message is? If it's so important, why don't you just tell me? +If it's so important, why don't you just tell me? I couldn't tell you that. It would ruin the game. Not that you're playing it very well. +I couldn't tell you that. It would ruin the game. Not that you're playing it very well. You like to brag, don't you? +What? You heard me. Why did you go out to the institute looking for her? +You heard me. Why did you go out to the institute looking for her? What makes you think I was there? +What makes you think I was there? I couldn't tell you that. It would ruin the game. +I couldn't tell you that. It would ruin the game. The game's almost over, Peter, and you're running out of time. +It's you who's running out of time. You're starting to make mistakes now. You're wondering just how much I really know. Just how close I'm getting? Well, I'm closer than you think, pal -- and I'm gonna nail your ass to the wall! Very nice speech, Peter. Did you rehearse that, or was it impromptu? There's an old wooden bench in the garden. Next to it is a rock. You'll find a message for you under it. Let's see if you're as clever as you think you are. +Hello. Last night was very exciting, wasn't it? Have you figured out what I'm doing? +Last night was very exciting, wasn't it? Have you figured out what I'm doing? You're playing the Tarakoss opening. +You're playing the Tarakoss opening. Very good. +Very good. You're next move should have been e2- e3. +You're next move should have been e2- e3. I used a variation. You should have anticipated that. Have you figured out the message? +I used a variation. You should have anticipated that. Have you figured out the message? What word did you leave last night? +What word did you leave last night? The police haven't told you? +The police haven't told you? They think that you and I are doing this together. +Interesting concept. I hadn't thought of that. If you think about how Anton Berger plays chess you might get it. I'm beginning to think it doesn't mean anything. Remember eventually revenge- - +I'm beginning to think it doesn't mean anything. Remember eventually revenge- - --you're hopeless! You can't even read a sentence! Didn't they teach you punctuation in school? The game ends tonight! +Hello, Peter. You sonofabitch! +You sonofabitch! Emotional? I expected more from you. +Emotional? I expected more from you. If you kill tonight and I'm in jail the police will know I'm innocent. +If you kill tonight and I'm in jail the police will know I'm innocent. By that time the game will be over. +By that time the game will be over. I've figured out the message. +I've figured out the message. No you haven't. And even if you had it doesn't matter. Who would you tell? The police don't believe you, and you've just used your only phone call. +Yes? Congratulations on your daring escape. You just missed me by a few seconds. It's check, Peter. +Congratulations on your daring escape. You just missed me by a few seconds. It's check, Peter. Let me speak to my daughter. +Let me speak to my daughter. She's in the other room. I just wanted you to know she wasn't dead... yet. But it's time for her to die now. +She's in the other room. I just wanted you to know she wasn't dead... yet. But it's time for her to die now. Please... wait. +Please... wait. The game's over. You lost. +The game's over. You lost. It's me you want. Not her. +It's me you want. Not her. No. As usual you're wrong. It is her I want. Killing you would be easy. Living with the consequences of losing will be much more of a defeat. +"That wouldn't be very sporting. Remember Huxley? ""His play is always fair and just.""" You're groping. I have been fair. It's my move now. +You're groping. I have been fair. It's my move now. I'll give you anything you want. Anything! Please! +I'll give you anything you want. Anything! Please! Don't beg, Peter. She has to die. I can't win unless she dies. +I was thinking about leaving the phone line open so you could hear her die -- but I've decided it's better if you don't know exactly when I kill her. Good-bye Peter. No! Wait!! +I know where you are. Very good. How did you know? +Very good. How did you know? The pipes. +How'd you know I wouldn't be in the same room with her? You told me. When you called you said she was in the other room. Drop the knife. +This isn't going to help, David. You're mother's dead. You can't undo it. You don't understand. +You don't understand. Yes, I do. I found your file. I know what happened. +Yes, I do. I found your file. I know what happened. They took away the game because of him. My father left and my mother... There was so much blood... It covered everything. +They took away the game because of him. My father left and my mother... There was so much blood... It covered everything. I know, but this isn't going to bring her back. +Don't you see? I had to make it right. I ignored my mother's crossing. I sat with them all. I held their hands. I stroked their hair. I was with them to the end. I took away the blood. I washed them. Their crossing was peaceful. I think your mother knows that now. Why don't you put the knife down. Put it down, David. +Naw, it's all fixed. I also loaded up a program that'll analyze your games three hundred percent faster. Thanks. +What's this? Oh, I put a few games on for your daughter. I hope you don't mind. +Oh, I put a few games on for your daughter. I hope you don't mind. Of course not. +Sure. We've got a modem line hooked up with the data base in New York. Can we correlate data? Look for specific things, like player's ages... stuff like that? +Can we correlate data? Look for specific things, like player's ages... stuff like that? No problem. We're in. +No problem. We're in. Okay. Run a search to see if there are any players with a rating above two thousand that live on the Island. +Nope. Nothing. Set up some pieces on the big board? +D2-d4... b1-c3... and c1-f4. It's the number two variation of the Tarakoss opening. David, can you bring up the tournament records for the last ten years. Mister Sanderson, they'll be hundreds of thousands of games. +Now what? Have computer search for anyone that's used that opening against me. There can't be more than a handful. +There's three. The first is 1983. Lionel Baines. The Boston... Never mind. He died two years ago. +Never mind. He died two years ago. 1985. Hans Korshaud. +1985. Hans Korshaud. He's in his seventies and lives in Holland. +What is it? New York. 1986. Viktor Yurilivich. +Computers. That's how you got into Homesearchers records. You can get into anything. But why? Why? You still haven't figured it out, have you? You think that I've put you through an ordeal. My scars run so much deeper than yours. +You still haven't figured it out, have you? You think that I've put you through an ordeal. My scars run so much deeper than yours. What scars? +What scars? The scars on your chest. From where I stabbed you with my fountain pen. +You might not have done it had you known. You're damn right! I'm a child psychologist and you send me into a room with someone who could be a murderer! +You're damn right! I'm a child psychologist and you send me into a room with someone who could be a murderer! Would you mind keeping your voice down? I have guests. +Would you mind keeping your voice down? I have guests. Oh, well we wouldn't want to disturb your guests, would we? +The police came to me for help. What could I do? You could have been honest with me for starters. We work together. I have to be able to trust you. +You could have been honest with me for starters. We work together. I have to be able to trust you. I admit I handled it badly. Sanderson wasn't going to talk to me... but you're young, attractive-- +I admit I handled it badly. Sanderson wasn't going to talk to me... but you're young, attractive-- --the same type as the girl who got killed. Jesus, Alan, the guy could be a psychopath. +--the same type as the girl who got killed. Jesus, Alan, the guy could be a psychopath. They asked who would be best suited for this and you-- +They asked who would be best suited for this and you-- Don't patronize me! You sent me into a potentially dangerous situation and didn't warn me! +It worked out alright, didn't it? Fuck off! +Feeling better? I just can't believe it. +I just can't believe it. You don't want to believe it. It's a normal reaction. +You don't want to believe it. It's a normal reaction. How come the police never had a record of Sanderson before. This doesn't come out of nowhere, there has to be a history. +Kathy, please. You're going to wear a hole in the carpet. I'm just nervous. Sorry. +I'm just nervous. Sorry. You're safe. He wouldn't come here. +You're safe. He wouldn't come here. He already did once. +Why did he? Why did he what? +Why did he what? Come here. +Come here. He was watching you. +He was watching you. Yeah -- that's what we've always thought -- but what if he wasn't? What if I had nothing to do with the reason he came here? +Yeah -- that's what we've always thought -- but what if he wasn't? What if I had nothing to do with the reason he came here? You're losing me. +You must be Erica. Uh huh. +Uh huh. I'm Kathy. +Is your dad here? He went down to the lobby for a minute. He should be right back. Would you like come in? +So, are you having a good time on the Island? Not really. It's pretty boring. +Not really. It's pretty boring. That's only because you don't know where to go. You like hiking? Fishing? Sailing? What do you like? +That's only because you don't know where to go. You like hiking? Fishing? Sailing? What do you like? Boys. +Do you like my dad? Of course. +I know he really likes you. How do you know that? Did he say something? +How do you know that? Did he say something? No... but I can tell. A woman knows these things. +Okay. Nice meeting you. Nice meeting you. +Congratulations, dad. My cheering section. +What are you doing up? I can't sleep. My beds lumpy. +I can't sleep. My beds lumpy. I see. You forgot to bring you're night-light, didn't you? +I see. You forgot to bring you're night-light, didn't you? That has nothing to do with it. +That has nothing to do with it. You want to sleep in my bed tonight? +You want to sleep in my bed tonight? Okay. +Who told you that? Mrs. Lutz. She also told me that Mr. Lutz goes to a medium to try and contact great Grandmasters in the spirit world. +Mrs. Lutz. She also told me that Mr. Lutz goes to a medium to try and contact great Grandmasters in the spirit world. Has he gotten through to any? +Has he gotten through to any? No, but he did contact a dead parcheesi champion from Ohio. +What is it, dad? Nothing. +Don't you have something you want to say to David? Thanks, David. +You ready? For what? +For what? You told me you'd take me over to Seattle today. +You told me you'd take me over to Seattle today. I'm sorry, honey, I can't. Not today. +I'm sorry, honey, I can't. Not today. But you promised. +It isn't Kathy. Who's Kathy? +Whaddaya got, Nolan? Not much. There's no sign of a break in. I think she let him in. +Not much. There's no sign of a break in. I think she let him in. How long has she been dead? +How long has she been dead? Six, eight hours tops. +Six, eight hours tops. Any sign of rape? +Any sign of rape? Not that I can see. We'll know more once I get the lab reports back from Seattle. +There's no blood. Where's the fuckin' blood? Bingo. +Anything? Not much. I don't think she was raped. There's no bruising, or any signs of trauma to the pelvic region -- and no trace of sperm which makes sense because she took a bath. +Not much. I don't think she was raped. There's no bruising, or any signs of trauma to the pelvic region -- and no trace of sperm which makes sense because she took a bath. What about prints? +What about prints? No prints. +No prints. You mean, no prints but hers? +You mean, no prints but hers? No Frank. No prints. +He tapes their mouths shut. We found traces of adhesive around the victims mouths. We're doing a chemical analysis for components, but it's probably a standard brand you can buy in any hardware store. There's only two hardware stores on the whole Island. We'll check that out. What about the blood? +There's only two hardware stores on the whole Island. We'll check that out. What about the blood? Not a drop. Maybe the guy works for the Red Cross. +This is where he forced his way in. We found some fibers on the windowsill, probably particles of clothing that rubbed off when he climbed through. I'll know more once I get it under the microscope. That's great. +That's great. Wait, I've saved the best for last. Andy, hit the lights, will you? +Same as the others? Yeah. +Yeah. How long she been dead? +How long she been dead? I'd say at least eighteen hours. +I'd say at least eighteen hours. That means she was dead before we even finished figuring out the message. +Well? Well what? I told you this was a stupid idea. You can't learn anything from someone in a few minutes. +Well what? I told you this was a stupid idea. You can't learn anything from someone in a few minutes. You didn't pick up any vibes from the guy? +You didn't pick up any vibes from the guy? I'm a psychologist, Frank... not a psychic. What's this all about anyway? +I'm a psychologist, Frank... not a psychic. What's this all about anyway? What did Dr. Fulton tell you? +Only that you wanted someone from the institute to talk to Sanderson for some case you're working on. What'd he do? We're not sure. +We're not sure. What do you think he did? +What do you think he did? We think he could be a suspect in a murder investigation. +I'm busy right now. It's important. +I see you're still having problems with your openings. And this Jeremy-- +And this Jeremy-- --Edmonds. I know. You lost to Karpov in '82, didn't you? +No. I told him to. I wanted to make sure there was someone on the other end. But we heard him. +But we heard him. It could have been a tape. A prerecorded conversation between Sanderson and himself. +Kathy? Well, the fact that he views this as a game suggests that he is trying to prove some sense of superiority -- and the way he murders confirms a need to be in complete control of his victim. +Well, the fact that he views this as a game suggests that he is trying to prove some sense of superiority -- and the way he murders confirms a need to be in complete control of his victim. What about the way he arranged the body? +That would indicate he's playing out a fantasy. Power-control killers usually fantasize about their actions long before they commit them. Once they become a reality though, they reach a sense of euphoria and need to repeat the act to sustain it. But, in all the research I've read on Serial Killers, I've never heard of one moving so fast. It's as if the game is the catalyst for the murders -- not the other way around. Anything else? +Anything else? Yes. Why disguise your voice if no one knows it? +Yes. Why disguise your voice if no one knows it? I was thinking the same thing. He must be local. It's logical for him to assume that the police would be there, but he recognized Andy's voice and called him by name. What about this? +I was thinking the same thing. He must be local. It's logical for him to assume that the police would be there, but he recognized Andy's voice and called him by name. What about this? I would think it's some type of clue as to where he's going to kill next? +I don't think it matters. Last nights victim, Christie Eastman was found in a warehouse on the outskirts of town. The night before, Debi Rutlege was found in the center. Meaning? +His home would be... Mount Olympus. Call dispatch. Double the patrols. I want that area blanketed. +Before we go in I gotta tell you this isn't going to be pretty. I know that. I've seen the photo's. +I know that. I've seen the photo's. This ain't no photo. +You never know how you're going to catch a suspect. Peter's right, Captain. He's got to be forced into making a mistake. +Well, I think you have to play to his ego. He thinks he's superior. The more secure he feels, the more chances he'll take. What did he mean by Huxley? +Maybe we should back up a minute and take a look at what we do have. All the girls that have been killed have been killed at night. They're all the same type. All moved into their homes within the last three months -- and all of them found their homes through Homesearchers. I thought that Homesearchers was a dead end? +I thought that Homesearchers was a dead end? It can't be a coincidence. The woman that owns it has a son. She says he's been on vacation in Montana for the last ten days. We're trying to locate him. There's also a cleaning service that comes in once a week. We're checking that out too. +It can't be a coincidence. The woman that owns it has a son. She says he's been on vacation in Montana for the last ten days. We're trying to locate him. There's also a cleaning service that comes in once a week. We're checking that out too. He moves around a lot. Why? +Each of those grids represents almost a square mile. That's a big area to cover. +As large as castles. Yes. Why not just say a building if he meant any general type of structure? +What time did he get there? About a quarter to one. +He's right, Kathy. What are you saying? That I'm seeing what I want to see? That I'm protecting a murderer? What? +We can't rely on your judgement anymore. What does that mean? +And what if he's wrong. If you were one hundred percent sure it was Peter you would've arrested him. If it is someone else then he's going to kill again tonight and you're sitting here ignoring the message. We're going to work on the message. +We're going to work on the message. This stinks! You want to know what I think? I think there have been five murders and you've got shit to go on. You need to blame someone and he's the easiest choice. +This stinks! You want to know what I think? I think there have been five murders and you've got shit to go on. You need to blame someone and he's the easiest choice. The most logical choice. +The most logical choice. You don't have a shred of evidence! +Did you see his face? No. He was wearing a mask... but I saw the cut on his wrist. It was Peter. +No. He was wearing a mask... but I saw the cut on his wrist. It was Peter. I can't arrest someone for having a cut on their wrist. Do you have someone you can stay with tonight? +I can't arrest someone for having a cut on their wrist. Do you have someone you can stay with tonight? I've got a room at the institute I use when I stay late. +I've got a room at the institute I use when I stay late. Okay. Why don't you go out there. We'll check in with you later. +If you can think of anything else give us a call. You know, I hate to say I told you so, but I warned her. Coming home at all hours of the night. A young girl new to the city. This neighborhood ain't what it used to be. +Excuse me... you said earlier that Mary Albert just moved in. How long ago was that? Ten days ago. +Ten days ago. Do you know how she found the apartment? +Do you know how she found the apartment? Through a rental agency. +Through a rental agency. Didn't you tell me that Debi Rutlege had just moved into her place also? +I know you're busy so I'll get right to it. Did you know her? Only in passing. To say hello to. +Could you tell me where you were last night? Here. I played Gregory Lutz. +Here. I played Gregory Lutz. I know. You won two games against him and left the auditorium at eight forty five. Where did you go after that? +I know. You won two games against him and left the auditorium at eight forty five. Where did you go after that? To my room and then I went for a walk. +This is a printout from the hotel computer for all the messages logged to your room. Here's one at 9:04 pm. It says: From Debi. Please call me at home. She called to give me my schedule for tomorrow. +She called to give me my schedule for tomorrow. What's interesting about it is you say you only knew her in passing. Yet, she says on her message for you to call her at home and she doesn't leave a number. That would imply you already knew the number. +What's interesting about it is you say you only knew her in passing. Yet, she says on her message for you to call her at home and she doesn't leave a number. That would imply you already knew the number. I got it from the tournament directory. +Why didn't you tell us you were there earlier? I don't know. I was afraid there'd be hours of questions. I can't afford to miss a game. +Mister Sanderson, this is Doctor Sheppard. She's a psychologist helping us out. We've already met. Haven't we... Doctor. +You want me to go with you? Maybe I can help. That's alright. We'll take it from here. +What have you come up with on the riddle? """Wee Willie Winkie runs though the street."" We think he might be making a reference to himself." +"""Wee Willie Winkie runs though the street."" We think he might be making a reference to himself." Maybe, but I don't think so. I think it's just a tease. +Maybe, but I don't think so. I think it's just a tease. Upstairs and downstairs in his night gown -- He could be saying the house he's picked is two stories. +That's it? We think he might be making a reference to drugs? Miss Emma is a street term used by junkies for Morphine. +We think he might be making a reference to drugs? Miss Emma is a street term used by junkies for Morphine. Could Emma be the name of the girl he's going to kill? +Another one? What word did he leave? """Is"". Did you tell him about the institute?" +As large as castles. You are still light as air, one hundred men can't move me. It doesn't make sense. +He's using the map as a chessboard! The sonofabitch is playing chess with me!! How can he be playing Chess with you? You're not making any moves against him. +How can he be playing Chess with you? You're not making any moves against him. Maybe I already have. +I still don't see how he could be playing chess against you. There's only enough grids on the map to be half a board. That's all he needs. He's making the moves. It's an opening. I just can't remember the name. Okay, it's a game. He's starting it, so he moves first. He's white. e2-e4. +It's a commercial area. No one lives there. But he had to dump the body there to make the move. +As large as castles, you are still light as the air, one hundred men can't move me. It's posed as a question. What am I? A building? +A building? A building isn't as light as air. What's large, but as light as air and can't be moved? +He's not going to give us direct hints. He's going to skirt around it. "He uses castles...plural -- then says ""can't move me."" Singular. Not can't move us." +A shadow. What's as big a castle? As light as air , but one hundred men can't move it? The shadow of the castle. Are there any buildings that have the name Castle in it that cast a shadow long enough to fall across another building? Wait a minute. There's an apartment in that area called the Castle Arms. +Wait a minute. There's an apartment in that area called the Castle Arms. That's got to be it. +Where were you last night? Are we going to go through this again? +Are we going to go through this again? Answer the question. +Answer the question. I went out. +Jeremy would have never killed himself. Maybe he just got tired of covering for you. +Maybe he just got tired of covering for you. This is insane! Can't you see what's going on. The killer wants me out of the way. He's setting me up. +Don't you understand what I'm telling you? That's why he wants me out of the way. I understand that this is just another one of your games. +I understand that this is just another one of your games. Look, I'll do anything you want! I'll sign anything you want! Just send a car out to the hotel. +Alright, c'mon Peter. We're moving you to a cell. I signed the confession. What about the car? +Did you send the car? It's over, Peter. Let's stop the games. I'm not sending a car. +You opened with the English. Lutz won't use it. He opened his first game with it. He knows you're aware of that. +He knows you're aware of that. Then I'll transpose. +Then I'll transpose. On a variation, yes -- but it must be a variation that is unique. +On a variation, yes -- but it must be a variation that is unique. I suppose you have something in mind? +It's a good play, but risky. You don't win by playing it safe, Peter. +We got a problem? Our computer went on the fritz again. David came up to fix it. +Our computer went on the fritz again. David came up to fix it. Is it serious? +Peter... I've got be here for the police when they come. Then I've got to practise. In case you forgot I'm in the middle of a match right now. +I've got be here for the police when they come. Then I've got to practise. In case you forgot I'm in the middle of a match right now. You're always in the middle of a match. +You're always in the middle of a match. I want to be the best I can. +You have something you want to say? Just thought you might want to talk. +Just thought you might want to talk. About what? +About what? Whatever's on your mind. +Whatever's on your mind. Who says something's on my mind. +What do you see here? Mate in five. +Mate in five. Exactly... and you did this. +She went into town with Mrs. Lutz. Did they get him? No. +No. Feel like practicing? +Feel like practicing? Yeah. Just let me grab a shower. +Bainbridge Books. "Hi, Sara. This is Doctor Sheppard. I was wondering if you could tell me if you have a book on chess called ""Principals and Tactics"" by Anton Berger." +"Hi, Sara. This is Doctor Sheppard. I was wondering if you could tell me if you have a book on chess called ""Principals and Tactics"" by Anton Berger." I can check and call you back. +I can check and call you back. Thank you. I'm at 639-7393. +Thank you. I'm at 639-7393. We'll call you back. +Bainbridge Books. Sara, this is Doctor Sheppard. I called you earlier about a book. +Sara, this is Doctor Sheppard. I called you earlier about a book. Yes, Doctor Sheppard. We called you back but you weren't home. We have the book. +Yes, Doctor Sheppard. We called you back but you weren't home. We have the book. Could you please do me a big favor? In the first chapter the author mentions his three rules of chess. Could you look and tell me what they are? +Could you please do me a big favor? In the first chapter the author mentions his three rules of chess. Could you look and tell me what they are? Of course. Yes, here it is. Why, they're all the same? +Of course. Yes, here it is. Why, they're all the same? What are they, please? +What are they, please? """Carefully"". ""Carefully"". ""Carefully""." +Sorry. I thought it was empty. It's alright. +Is this your first time here? Yes. +I love this hotel. I stay here every time I visit my parents. How come you don't stay with them? +How come you don't stay with them? Because I love them, but they drive me crazy. You know how parents are? +Because I love them, but they drive me crazy. You know how parents are? No. I don't. +Are you with the tournament? Uh huh. +Uh huh. Are you one of the players? +Are you one of the players? Yes. +Yes. I've always wanted to learn how to play chess. I don't have the patience for it. When did you start playing? +I've always wanted to learn how to play chess. I don't have the patience for it. When did you start playing? When I was very young. +When I was very young. It seems like such a complicated game. +It seems like such a complicated game. Not really. You see your goal and you go after it. Anything that gets in the way is an obstacle and must be destroyed. +Not really. You see your goal and you go after it. Anything that gets in the way is an obstacle and must be destroyed. Sounds very violent. +Sounds very violent. Chess is a reflection of life. Life is violent. The strong win. The weak perish. +--but you enjoy being the stronger one? You like the control. If you're asking me if I'm passionate about what I do, the answer is yes. Without passion, nothing moves us. What's your passion? +If you're asking me if I'm passionate about what I do, the answer is yes. Without passion, nothing moves us. What's your passion? That's a very personal question. +That's a very personal question. I see. This is going to be a very polite conversation. What shall we discuss? The weather? Movies? +I see. This is going to be a very polite conversation. What shall we discuss? The weather? Movies? Are you disappointed that I won't answer you? +Are you disappointed that I won't answer you? I had just hoped there would be more substance to the conversation. +I had just hoped there would be more substance to the conversation. I thought opening too quickly was a fatal mistake in chess. +I thought opening too quickly was a fatal mistake in chess. It is. +It is. Do you always open quickly? +Do you always open quickly? Are we talking about me, or chess? +Are we talking about me, or chess? You. +You. Each circumstance requires a different tactic. +Each circumstance requires a different tactic. Well, I hope you remember that tomorrow when you play Krikorian. +Well, I think I've had enough. Getting too hot in here for you? +What are you looking for? Nothing. I just came in for a steam. +Nothing. I just came in for a steam. No you didn't. +They couldn't break the riddle. Did you think it was going to be easy? You think he was going to lay it out at your feet? +Did you think it was going to be easy? You think he was going to lay it out at your feet? We need your help. +We need your help. I offered my help this morning and Sedman turned me down. +I offered my help this morning and Sedman turned me down. But you're the key. The one he wants to play the game with. +But you're the key. The one he wants to play the game with. I can't right now. I've got a game. +I can't right now. I've got a game. She could be dead after the game. +She could be dead after the game. She could be dead now. +She could be dead now. What if she isn't? Where are your priorities? You have to think between someone's life and a chess game? The girl he killed last night was only twenty one years old! He dumped her body behind a warehouse like a sack of garbage! +You sure you don't want to eat something? I don't think I could. +It's going to be a long night. It could take hours before we know something. You should try to eat. You sound like my mother. +You sound like my mother. It wasn't intentional. +It wasn't intentional. Does what's going on bother you at all? Or are you just wearing your game face? +I think it's interesting. Another kind of game? +Another kind of game? In a way. +In a way. This isn't a game. +This isn't a game. Oh, but it is. He's killing a person everyday and challenging us to catch him. That's a game. It has rules and objectives. +Oh, but it is. He's killing a person everyday and challenging us to catch him. That's a game. It has rules and objectives. How can you look at it so clinically? +How can you look at it so clinically? Take your average cop. They deal with death everyday. If they let emotions get in the way it would cloud their judgement. +Take your average cop. They deal with death everyday. If they let emotions get in the way it would cloud their judgement. That's true -- but the emotion is still there. They just learn to control it. +That's true -- but the emotion is still there. They just learn to control it. What about you? Aren't there times when a young child is telling you a story so sad you just want to cry? +What about you? Aren't there times when a young child is telling you a story so sad you just want to cry? Of course. +Of course. Do you? +Do you? Let's change the subject. +Let's change the subject. Okay. So, tell me about yourself. Are you married? +I'm just curious. I think it's best if we don't ask too many personal questions -- I want to keep things on a professional level. +I think it's best if we don't ask too many personal questions -- I want to keep things on a professional level. You mean like in the steam room? +You mean like in the steam room? That's not fair! +That's not fair! Are you going to tell me you didn't feel something in there? +You're projecting your own desires and reading more into what happened than what actually did. Very good. Spoken like a true psychologist. When confronted with the prospect of your own reality, hide behind quotations. What is that Masters and Johnson? +You have to win every point, don't you? I just wanted to know if you're involved with anyone? Let me ask you something? Do your colleagues know if you're involved or not? +I just wanted to know if you're involved with anyone? Let me ask you something? Do your colleagues know if you're involved or not? Of course. +Of course. Why? +Why? Because I work with them. +No. You're not? +You're not? No -- I'm not involved. And I plan on keeping it that way. +Relax. How the hell can I relax after seeing what I just saw. +How the hell can I relax after seeing what I just saw. I know it was bad. +I know it was bad. How could you? Unless you were there. +I know you didn't You know, Andy thinks you're doing this. +You know, Andy thinks you're doing this. Doesn't that scare you? +Doesn't that scare you? No. +No. Why? +Why? Because I think he's wrong. +Can you go fifteen minutes without thinking about it? No. But I'm open to distractions. +No. But I'm open to distractions. I'm sure you are. +You know, you're not the easiest person in the world to get close to. You always want to talk about me. What about you? +You always want to talk about me. What about you? Wasn't I just talking about me? +Wasn't I just talking about me? No. You were talking about chess. +No. You were talking about chess. Alright. What about me? +Alright. What about me? I dunno. Where's Erica mother? +I dunno. Where's Erica mother? She died in a car accident. +She died in a car accident. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. It's alright. It was a long time ago. +It's alright. It was a long time ago. It must've been very hard on Erica? +It must've been very hard on Erica? It was. +It was. And you? +What? Have you noticed that every time we start to talk about something serious you start to play games. +Have you noticed that every time we start to talk about something serious you start to play games. I'm not playing a game now. +I'm not playing a game now. Yes you are. You're playing word games. +Yes you are. You're playing word games. What is this? +What is this? I'm just trying to get to know you, Peter. +I'm just trying to get to know you, Peter. What? By attacking me? +Nobody could attack you. You set your life up like one of your chessboards. You're impregnable -- but at the same time you've become trapped behind your own defenses. You're cut off from everyone around you. What are you talking about? You don't even know me. +What are you talking about? You don't even know me. Does anyone? +I just don't want to fight with you. Then show me who you are. +This frightens me -- because I'm starting to feel things I haven't felt in a long time. You've got to face the things you feel. +You've got to face the things you feel. I thought you were the woman who didn't want to get involved. +I thought you were the woman who didn't want to get involved. I said I didn't plan on getting involved. +You can turn everything around so easily. This is not just another game, is it? No. +I'm hungry. Call room service. +Fine. What do you want on it? +What do you want on it? You. +You. Would you settle for pepperoni? +Would you settle for pepperoni? If I have to. I'm going to take a shower. +Did you call? The line was busy. I'll try again. +They're not delivering. I'm going to go pick up the pizza. I thought you said the line was busy? +I thought you said the line was busy? I tried again and got through. +I tried again and got through. What's wrong? +What's wrong? Nothing. +Nothing. Then why are you backing up? +Peter, you have to admit-- --admit what? That I was right about you in the steam room? That you're willing to do anything to find out what you want? Would you like me to leave so you can search the rest of the room? +Peter... How could you think that, Kathy? How could you even consider it? +In a fierce magazine you'll find a hint of my actions to come... Why does he set this line apart? For emphasis? +For emphasis? Exactly. It's the key. +Exactly. It's the key. But what does he mean by a fierce magazine? Violent? +But what does he mean by a fierce magazine? Violent? A fierce magazine... brutal... An angry magazine... A war magazine... a mercenary magazine... fierce... Mad. +A fierce magazine... brutal... An angry magazine... A war magazine... a mercenary magazine... fierce... Mad. What? +What? Where's the note? +He's replaying the game I played against him move by move, using these girls as the Chess pieces. All the girls have been found in their homes except Christie Eastman, who was found in back of a warehouse. Why? Because to follow the game he played he had to move to that grid? +Because to follow the game he played he had to move to that grid? Right. Here! c-4. +Hi. Can I come in? +The other night -- I said some things that maybe I shouldn't have. I mean, you haven't known me very long and I can see how you thought what you did. I'm not looking for an apology, Peter. +I'm not looking for an apology, Peter. I was thinking that... maybe when this is all over we could... +I was thinking that... maybe when this is all over we could... I want someone I can get close to. I don't know if that's possible with you. +I want someone I can get close to. I don't know if that's possible with you. You really haven't seen my best side. +Peter... No, listen. You have no idea of the kind of pressure I'm under right now. +No, listen. You have no idea of the kind of pressure I'm under right now. That's still no excuse. You treat everything like a game. +That's still no excuse. You treat everything like a game. I can't think any more, unless it's about you. I'll be in the middle of a match and instead of thinking about my next move, I think about how you look when you smile. Remember how you said that I hide behind my chessboard? Ever since my wife died I've been... I've been afraid of getting too close to someone again -- afraid of losing them. +I can't think any more, unless it's about you. I'll be in the middle of a match and instead of thinking about my next move, I think about how you look when you smile. Remember how you said that I hide behind my chessboard? Ever since my wife died I've been... I've been afraid of getting too close to someone again -- afraid of losing them. You're wife died. You can't feel responsible for that. +You're wife died. You can't feel responsible for that. You don't understand. +You don't understand. Then help me to understand. I want to understand. +Then help me to understand. I want to understand. It's not that easy. +It's not that easy. Of course it isn't. It's always difficult when someone you love dies. But you can't feel responsible because she had a car accident. +Of course it isn't. It's always difficult when someone you love dies. But you can't feel responsible because she had a car accident. But I do. +But I do. Why? +Why? Because she killed herself!! +This letter. I've never opened it. Why not? +Why not? Because I know what it says. +Because I know what it says. Maybe you're afraid of what it says. +If we could just figure out what the next word is going to be. He said the game's going to end tonight so there's only going to be one more word. It could be anything. +It could be anything. It's got to be grammatically correct. +"How did you know it was ""carefully""?" Frank told me. +Frank told me. No he didn't. +You're right. The killer told me. He didn't tell you either. +This isn't going to be like the phone book, is it? Of course not. +You're going to be late for your match. Are you going to come tonight? +Are you going to come tonight? Yeah. I'll be there later. +You beat him. I got lucky. +I got lucky. There's a girl in the hospital who is going to live because of you. You made a difference. +It's over now. I just wanted you to know in case you thought about it in the future. +I just wanted you to know in case you thought about it in the future. Do we have a future? +Hello, Peter. You played an interesting game last night. Even though sacrificing your Queen at b-5 is the game I played against Valsney in '82. I'm glad it helped you. I'm sure you are. +I'm sure you are. No, I want you to do good. That way when I beat you at the end I'll look that much better. +No, I want you to do good. That way when I beat you at the end I'll look that much better. You're getting sloppy, Yurilivich. You're nervous? +You're getting sloppy, Yurilivich. You're nervous? I'm not nervous. +I'm not nervous. Well, you should be, because this time I'm going to win. +Well, you should be, because this time I'm going to win. Well, then this time you'll have to stay for the whole match, won't you? +I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I don't have to go through with it either. +I don't have to go through with it either. You don't understand. I'm just so relieved. I was sure you'd turn out to be short and fat and gimpy. +You don't understand. I'm just so relieved. I was sure you'd turn out to be short and fat and gimpy. Oh. That. I know what you mean. I had nightmares all week. +Oh. That. I know what you mean. I had nightmares all week. Me too. +Me too. Last night was the worst. I dreamt you had one leg shorter than the other, and walked like a penguin. +Last night was the worst. I dreamt you had one leg shorter than the other, and walked like a penguin. Mine was worse: I dreamt you picked your nose in public. +Mine was worse: I dreamt you picked your nose in public. That's worse. +That's worse. You're really not bad looking. Almost handsome. +You're really not bad looking. Almost handsome. Well, you're beautiful. +Well, you're beautiful. You might be handsome. I can't tell through all that grime. Besides, you reek of sweat and horses. +You might be handsome. I can't tell through all that grime. Besides, you reek of sweat and horses. If you're going to marry a warrior, you'd best get used to it. +If you're going to marry a warrior, you'd best get used to it. I have no intention of getting used to it. +Take off your clothes. I'm going to scrub you down. What? +What? We're almost married. +We're almost married. We're not married yet. +We're not married yet. Well, then you can go up to the parapet and I'll hand the buckets up to you. +I don't trust you to wash behind your ears. Never mind my ears! Go away! +There. Now you look like someone I might want to marry. Maybe you'd better look around for another candidate. I don't think my skin is tough enough to survive a lifetime of you and your brush. +Maybe you'd better look around for another candidate. I don't think my skin is tough enough to survive a lifetime of you and your brush. I don't have to look around. I've found the husband I want. You can kiss me now. +I don't have to look around. I've found the husband I want. You can kiss me now. Thank you, but I can wait. +Thank you, but I can wait. I can't. +I lied. About what? +About what? I can't wait either. +Lyssa ... Lyssa ... Colwyn. +Have they harmed you? No. They watch me closely, but they haven't harmed me. +Lyssa. Where are they keeping you? In a great fortress in the mountains. Wait. Something's happening. +Lyssa ... Colwyn ... +Colwyn ... Where is the Fortress? +Where is the Fortress? I don't know. It's a maze of tunnels. I can't see out. +I don't know. It's a maze of tunnels. I can't see out. I will find you. I will be with you. +I will find you. I will be with you. I know it. +I know it. I love you, Lyssa, I love you ... +I love you, Lyssa, I love you ... Colwyn. Colwyn. I love you, Colwyn. +Colwyn ... You must move away from the Center. +You must move away from the Center. All the passages are guarded. +Will your power outward. I don't know how. +I don't know how. You have the power. Will it. +Take the western passage. All directions are the same here. +Yes. Move quickly. We are coming for you. We are in the Fortress. +Move quickly. We are coming for you. We are in the Fortress. I knew you would come. +Lyssa ... Come quickly, Colwyn. I can see the eyes of the Beast. +In the Arctic ice. That way. I can feel the cold. +That's a better one. Yes. +You'll both wait. At least for five hours. The wedding is at three. It was a platonic kiss, Father. +It was a platonic kiss, Father. Of course it was. +They have Lyssa! You can't reach her! Through the door. Quickly! +You will go alone. I won't leave you here. +I won't leave you here. You will do as I tell you. You will try to reach Ynyr, the old one. +You will do as I tell you. You will try to reach Ynyr, the old one. I must follow the Slayers. They've taken Lyssa. +I must follow the Slayers. They've taken Lyssa. You will not follow the Slayers, you will obey my command! You have no chance alone, boy. You must try to break through to Ynyr. He has great knowledge. Only with his help can you save Lyssa. +The White Castle has fallen. Does the Queen live? +Does the Queen live? The new Queen lives. +The new Queen lives. Turold's son was to marry her. +Turold's son was to marry her. We were married. Then she was taken by the Slayers. You must help me. +We were married. Then she was taken by the Slayers. You must help me. I have lived in this place, like my fathers before me, guarding the old knowledge. I knew, when I had no son, that the Great War would come in my time, and that I would be the one to pass on the old knowledge to a new king. Come. +This is not the first time the Dark Ones have attacked our world. They came once before, a thousand years ago. A young king and queen, with extraordinary powers, were given to us then, to lead the struggle. My fore-father was their Councilor, as I will be yours. I have no extraordinary powers. +I have no extraordinary powers. Your powers are greater than you know. Have you ever seen one of these? +Your powers are greater than you know. Have you ever seen one of these? In the old books. It's called a glaive. +With two or three days' practice, you'll be able to use it as well as I can. Then we'll have a chance of fighting our way out of here. Two or three days! While Lyssa is in their hands? +Two or three days! While Lyssa is in their hands? There is no other way. +There is no other way. But there is another entrance to this place. +But it opens onto the sheer wall of the Needle. There's no way down. You have rope? +You have rope? I am too old to climb down a rope. +I am too old to climb down a rope. You won't have to. +There is nothing. Reach out farther. Call to her. +Reach out farther. Call to her. Lyssa ... Lyssa ... +You must break when the strain becomes too great, or you will harm yourself. And you must concentrate your powers for when they are needed most. What did she answer? She was in a great fortress, first in the mountains, then in the jungle. How is that possible? +She was in a great fortress, first in the mountains, then in the jungle. How is that possible? It is the Fortress of Krull. I know it only from the stories of wars on other worlds. They did not use it on our world in the first great war, for it costs them enormous power. This time they mean to conquer, at all costs. +It is the Fortress of Krull. I know it only from the stories of wars on other worlds. They did not use it on our world in the first great war, for it costs them enormous power. This time they mean to conquer, at all costs. The Fortress moves? +The Fortress moves? Yes. Each dawn it rises in a different land: sometimes in the mountains, sometimes in the jungle, sometimes the desert, sometimes the sea. Never in the same place twice. +Yes. Each dawn it rises in a different land: sometimes in the mountains, sometimes in the jungle, sometimes the desert, sometimes the sea. Never in the same place twice. Then even if Lyssa tells us where she is, we'll never be able to reach her, for they will never allow the Fortress to rise near us. +Then even if Lyssa tells us where she is, we'll never be able to reach her, for they will never allow the Fortress to rise near us. No. They occupy the Fortress, but they cannot control its movement. It is moved by Fate. And, sooner or later, Fate will place it near us. +No. They occupy the Fortress, but they cannot control its movement. It is moved by Fate. And, sooner or later, Fate will place it near us. Then we must be ready. Five leagues from here is the Eastern Tower. I know the Barons who hold it. Good men, and brave. They will help us. +Then we must be ready. Five leagues from here is the Eastern Tower. I know the Barons who hold it. Good men, and brave. They will help us. You have not slept in two days. +You have not slept in two days. Nor will I, till my bride is beside me. +You choose these? Yes. They will be more help than high-born barons. +They know when they're going to die? Everyone of his race is born knowing the day of his death. +I can't reach her. What do you see? +What do you see? Darkness. Tunnels and corridors. Wait. +She can't see out. She can't tell us where the Fortress is. Yes, they knew of your first contact, so they drove her below. +Yes, they knew of your first contact, so they drove her below. She was very faint. I was barely able to reach her. +She was very faint. I was barely able to reach her. The deeper she goes, the harder it is to contact her. Once she is below the second level, you will not be able to reach her at all. +The deeper she goes, the harder it is to contact her. Once she is below the second level, you will not be able to reach her at all. I will find her! +I cannot reach her. She is too deep. The curved tunnel we saw is part of the Vortex, the place of The Beast. +The first time, when they attacked long ago, was The Beast here? No. Then they were led by his underlings. But I knew he had come this time, from the ferocity of their onslaught, from their use of The Fortress. They use up much of their strength to do these things. They are taking great risks. +No. Then they were led by his underlings. But I knew he had come this time, from the ferocity of their onslaught, from their use of The Fortress. They use up much of their strength to do these things. They are taking great risks. Why? +Why? I'm not sure. +I'm not sure. But you suspect. +But you suspect. You will know, in good time. +No. We will find another way to locate the Fortress. There is no other way. You asked me why the Beast had come this time. +There is no other way. You asked me why the Beast had come this time. Yes. +Yes. He has come for Lyssa. +He has come for Lyssa. Lyssa? Why? +Lyssa? Why? Like you, she has extraordinary powers. He would make her his Queen. +Like you, she has extraordinary powers. He would make her his Queen. Can she be forced? +Can she be forced? No. She must agree of her own free will. +No. She must agree of her own free will. Never. +Never. You are young. You don't understand the attraction of great power, and you forget the pain of long waiting. +You are young. You don't understand the attraction of great power, and you forget the pain of long waiting. Then we must reach her before she feels that pain. +Then we must reach her before she feels that pain. Yes. +Traitor! She'll marry you in hell! He thinks you betray him with Lyssa. Colwyn! The waters deceive you! +I will melt that gold and pour it down your throat, old man! He sees betrayal everywhere. He will attack us so long as he is conscious. +From here, I must go alone. You will tell me her name and we will go together. +You will tell me her name and we will go together. You must never know her name. If more than one approaches, she will certainly kill them. Alone I may have a chance. +He ran a great risk, helping us today. If he opposes his fate, his death will be terribly painful. Let us wish him peace. +They will hold Lyssa in the Center of the Vortex, the place of the Beast, where its power is greatest. No man can match it there. Lyssa must try to move toward us. For as we enter the Vortex and move closer ... The Beast will kill her. +The Beast will kill her. Yes. To keep her from you. But now that we are inside the Fortress, you will be able to contact her. +She must make a glaive. Lyssa, your bracelets. Bend them straight and cross them. +The spiral begins in the west. Where the spiral begins. +She's on the other side of this wall. I can feel it! I chose the wrong passage. +I chose the wrong passage. She can see the Beast! +She can see the Beast! Use your sword. +Use your sword. What use is my sword? I can't reach her! +What use is my sword? I can't reach her! Cut. Cut! +You must move quickly. The Beast will stop at nothing now. You're coming with us. +You're coming with us. It is my fate to die in the Fortress. +It is my fate to die in the Fortress. No! You cannot know that! +No! You cannot know that! I can. Because I choose it. +I can. Because I choose it. I forbid you! +How did you know? I found the body of the Seer in the stream. +Slayers! We must enter the swamp. +Do not let the waters touch you. What will happen? +They can be saddled. You have done it? +You have done it? I road them often in my youth. +I road them often in my youth. Saddles. +It is today? Yes. It is today. +Each to his fate. Each to his fate. +I know the cruelty of such a fate. Perhaps you think no man would return to me. +Perhaps you think no man would return to me. I don't think that. +Am I not worth returning to? Yes. +Yes. Am I not beautiful enough to be loved? +Am I not beautiful enough to be loved? Yes. +Yes. Even by you? +Even by you? Yes. +You too are lonely. I ache with it. +I ache with it. Let me comfort you. +Let me comfort you. I cannot take comfort when she has none. +I cannot take comfort when she has none. Then give me comfort. Sleep with me tonight. +Then give me comfort. Sleep with me tonight. I cannot betray my bride. +I cannot betray my bride. One night is no betrayal. Have pity on me. Please, I beg you, do not refuse me. You do not know the price. +I feel your pain, but I cannot betray her. You will not, then? +You will not, then? I cannot. +Help! Help! I'm drowning! I doubt it. The water is only an inch deep. +I doubt it. The water is only an inch deep. It could have been quicksand! I might have been sucked to my death. Where is this place? +It could have been quicksand! I might have been sucked to my death. Where is this place? A forest near the Valley of Needles. +A forest near the Valley of Needles. Blast! A thousand miles off course. Well, I was rushed. There was a certain difference of opinion concerning a venison pie. The foolish man left it sitting on his windowsill. What did he expect? +Blast! A thousand miles off course. Well, I was rushed. There was a certain difference of opinion concerning a venison pie. The foolish man left it sitting on his windowsill. What did he expect? Perhaps he expected to eat it. +Perhaps he expected to eat it. For that rudeness, peasant lout, I am going to leave you hanging by your heels when I depart. Which is right now. +I just remembered I have urgent business in this direction. What business? +What business? Staying alive. +Once is enough, thank you. He saved our lives. +Your kingship ... your lord high mightiness ... when I called you a ... a ... whatever I called you, I didn't realize that you were ... were ... I was hoping I might be your friend. +I was hoping I might be your friend. My friend. +My friend. I have need of friends. +I have need of friends. No more, my lord - my friend. With Ergo the Magnificent by your side, your enemies are dead men. +Not yet, my friend. It's your tomato that's dying. What? Oh no! Better it was me. There isn't another good tomato within a hundred leagues. +Try your tricks on me and I'll turn myself back into a snake and bite you. You and I will guard the fire. +You and I will guard the fire. What else is left for a man without friends. +I don't think you'll grow careless. Smart as well as quick. Now what do you have to give us? +Smart as well as quick. Now what do you have to give us? Fame. +Fame. Fame? Thank you, no. Fame is the burial ground of contentment. Eat it and go hungry; count it and go broke; seek it and grow mad. Fame is what fools yearn for and wise men shun. +Fame? Thank you, no. Fame is the burial ground of contentment. Eat it and go hungry; count it and go broke; seek it and grow mad. Fame is what fools yearn for and wise men shun. Fame is what you leave to your sons. +Fame is what you leave to your sons. How did you know I had sons? +How did you know I had sons? Because you would not rob if you had no children to provide for. +Because you would not rob if you had no children to provide for. Hah! You don't know me, boy. +Hah! You don't know me, boy. I know you. +They stand at the edge of the grave and make jokes. Do you know who I am, sprout? I am Torquil, Lord of the forest. My men follow no man but me, and I follow no man at all. You will follow me. +You will follow me. And in the few seconds before I dice you to crow-food, tell me why I am going to follow you. +And in the few seconds before I dice you to crow-food, tell me why I am going to follow you. So your sons will speak of you to your grandsons, and your grandsons to their grandsons. +And where do you lead, boy? To the place where Death lives. +To the place where Death lives. It should be an interesting journey, then. +It should be an interesting journey, then. That I promise you. +That I promise you. I compel no man to follow me on this journey. +When did you last sleep, boy? I'm all right. +They burn many villages. Even walled cities fall to them. Why do they burn the villages? There's nothing to gain. +I'm not hungry. Not sleepy, either? +Not sleepy, either? No. +Forgive me. It's childish to cry. Those are not child's tear. A child cries for himself, a man cries for those he loves. +Well, I'm not impressed. I knew you would not be. That's why I chose you. +You've eaten nothing. We must try to get horses. +We must try to get horses. Yes. It will double our range. I know at least a dozen ways to get horses. All cheap. +Yes. It will double our range. I know at least a dozen ways to get horses. All cheap. These we'll pay for. +These we'll pay for. Lad, you have an unnatural desire to pay for things. It stunts the mind and shrivels the imagination. +Lad, you have an unnatural desire to pay for things. It stunts the mind and shrivels the imagination. Hand over your dinner. +Hand over your dinner. A flicker of talent. +Forgive me, my friends. I saw terrible things. They do not exist, except in the waters of the Swamp, where they will remain. +Go, join them. What kind of friend do you think I am? +What kind of friend do you think I am? The best. But my unhappiness is not made lighter by adding your's to it. +The best. But my unhappiness is not made lighter by adding your's to it. Well, it is true that if I received a royal command I couldn't very well disobey it, could I? +Well, it is true that if I received a royal command I couldn't very well disobey it, could I? Go. I command you. +Go. I command you. Yes, my lord. +We could reach it on fire-mares. Those beasts cannot be saddled by mortal men. +We must cover a hundred leagues before sunrise. At the gallop! +You're resourceful, my lad. I tell you, one year under my tutelage and I could make you the Prince of Thieves. Subject to the King, no doubt. +Subject to the King, no doubt. Naturally. +A good thrust, my friend. Another second and there'd have been nothing between my head and shoulders but bad memories. I intend to keep you alive, your majesty. So you can abdicate your throne and become my Warlord. +I intend to keep you alive, your majesty. So you can abdicate your throne and become my Warlord. Perhaps. If the pay is good. +Make for the wall. I'll catch up. Colwyn, don't be a fool. You can't do battle with that thing. +Colwyn, don't be a fool. You can't do battle with that thing. There's no way to outrun it. You know that. This is what Ynyr was preparing me for. It's what he died for. +Nothing worse than lower-class boors with upper-class morals. Would you settle for a boar? +Would you settle for a boar? A boar? Those incompetent louts couldn't catch a piglet, much less a boar. +You! Me. May I eat with you tonight? +Me. May I eat with you tonight? Tonight and every night, my friend, for this is the second time you've saved my life. I am Ergo the Magnificent, short in stature, tall in power, etcetera, etcetera. +Tonight and every night, my friend, for this is the second time you've saved my life. I am Ergo the Magnificent, short in stature, tall in power, etcetera, etcetera. I am Quell. +What is that awful looking place? The Swamp of Betrayal. Be glad we don't have to cross it. +The Swamp of Betrayal. Be glad we don't have to cross it. I'm glad. I'm very glad. +Where are you going? We'll meet you at the inn. +We'll meet you at the inn. Can't I come, too? +Can't I come, too? No. +A venison pie as big as a house. A small house. +A small house. And what do you think a small person lives in, you one-eyed fool? Leaving me here to mope while you and the boy were arranging my assassination. +Quell? I cannot go with you, my friend. +My heart stays here. And mine goes with you. +Bread is for peasants, and wine makes me sneeze. Got any gumdrops? No. +No. Sugarballs? +Sugarballs? No. +No. What kind of a boy are you? Boys always have candy. +What kind of a boy are you? Boys always have candy. I have a cinnamon bar. +I have a cinnamon bar. You do? +You do? You can have half. +I am Ergo the Magnificent ... ... short in stature ... ... tall in power ... ... narrow of purpose ... ... wide of vision. I ... ... am Titch. +I'm hungry. Smart lad. Bring me my spices! +If I could wish ... ... for anything, I'd wish for a venison pie the size of a ... ... mountain. No, that's too greedy. I'd settle for one the size of a house. I'd wish for a puppy. +I'd wish for a puppy. One puppy? Why not wish for a hundred? +One puppy? Why not wish for a hundred? I only want one. +I only want one. A foolish wish. And you, Quell? +Sir Ergo? ... My honorable Lord Ergo? ... First, you desert me, and now you mock me. Go back to your one-eyed friend. +What? Now you poke me in the nose as well? I don't think it's working. +I don't think it's working. Not working? This nose? This nose works day and night. This nose has never loafed an hour in its life. This nose ... What? Impossible. This nose asleep while venison fills the air? Where is it, boy? Tell me where it is and I forgive you everything. +Not working? This nose? This nose works day and night. This nose has never loafed an hour in its life. This nose ... What? Impossible. This nose asleep while venison fills the air? Where is it, boy? Tell me where it is and I forgive you everything. It's right behind you. +We meant only to please you. And do you think I'm not going to eat myself to death this very night? Huh? +Oh, she was so beautiful - and I was so ugly. Would you desert your friends? +Would you desert your friends? No, no. I'm with you, boy. +But also very young. Six to one is no odds, boy. Get me down from here you louts or I'll turn you all into pigs! +Put me down, you lout! You had better manners as a pig. +You had better manners as a pig. I am Ergo the Magnificent, and I do not travel with thieves and robbers. +What are you doing with my dear? Stop! Thieves! Many villagers are hiding in the forest. They need food. +Many villagers are hiding in the forest. They need food. And do you think I live on air? +And do you think I live on air? We have plenty of hares. +We have plenty of hares. Food for crows. +Food for crows. Surely a sorcerer of the sauce pan can make rabbit taste like venison. +Surely a sorcerer of the sauce pan can make rabbit taste like venison. I am being exploited! Where are you going? +I am being exploited! Where are you going? I must take the old man to see some sick children. Kegan will guard you. +Oh, my poor stew! Oh, my poor stomach. +Passable, pimple, very passable. The greatest boon of your otherwise worthless life, blockhead, is the privilege of dining on boar roasted by the hand of Ergo the Magnificent. +The greatest boon of your otherwise worthless life, blockhead, is the privilege of dining on boar roasted by the hand of Ergo the Magnificent. Your boast is a bigger mouthful than your roast, Magnificence. +I can't hold the weight of both of you! Hush! +Look at its beauty. Look at its grace. Look at its insides. +Look at its insides. No! Not yet! Let me hug it and kiss it a little. Let me run my fingers over its lovely skin. Let me climb to the top and sing to it. +My spells always go wrong when I am observed. Be gone! The forest is not safe these days. You'd best travel with us. +The forest is not safe these days. You'd best travel with us. Me? Travel with you? I am Ergo the Magnificent ... ... short in stature ... ... tall in power ... ... narrow of purpose ... ... wide of vision. And I do not travel with peasants and beggars. Goodbye! +One with red eyes, the other with one eye, both trying to kill me. The one with red eyes was a Dark One, the other was a Cyclops, and it was not you he meant to kill. +The one with red eyes was a Dark One, the other was a Cyclops, and it was not you he meant to kill. He was aiming a huge spear right at me! +He was aiming a huge spear right at me! If that were so, you'd be dead now. He was aiming at the Dark One, for there is ancient hatred between them. Once his race had two eyes, like other men, until his forefathers bargained with the Dark Ones: they gave up one of their eyes in return for the power to see the future. But they were cheated, for the only future they were permitted to see was the time of their own death. +He didn't join them. They joined him. And who is he that they should join him? +And who is he that they should join him? He is the King. +He is the King. Well, at least I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor. That's the first smile I've seen on that gloomy face of your's ... ... isn't it? It isn't. Oh no. Oh dear. Oh now I've gone and done it. +They'll trample him to death! No. He will master the leader. +I do not want your power. It is hideous. You know nothing of power, you foolish girl. You think power is a mighty sword, or a strong castle, or the paltry magic of an Emerald Seer. Power is none of these. +I do not want your worlds or your slaves. Then look! +It's a lie! These walls do not lie! He will betray you. +These walls do not lie! He will betray you. He will not! +He will not! Then he will die! +He will come for me. He will not come. You will be my queen. +What news from our friends? Barak is still strong in the north, and Tendo holds the high passes. But the great desert forts have fallen. +Barak is still strong in the north, and Tendo holds the high passes. But the great desert forts have fallen. Freylag's stronghold? +Freylag's stronghold? It has been taken, Freylag and all his people slaughtered. +It has been taken, Freylag and all his people slaughtered. It is only a few weeks and already half our strong places have fallen. +It is only a few weeks and already half our strong places have fallen. The attacks are unceasing: by night, the Dark Ones; by day, those of our people who have sold themselves to them, those traitors who are called the Slayers. +The attacks are unceasing: by night, the Dark Ones; by day, those of our people who have sold themselves to them, those traitors who are called the Slayers. It is the way of all invaders. Those they would conquer they divide, buying allies with promises of land and power. +It is the way of all invaders. Those they would conquer they divide, buying allies with promises of land and power. We will hold. Their power is not unlimited. +Lord Rowan is one of Lyssa's godfathers. He will defend her in the ceremony. I wish that Lord Modred were here. He is a godfather of her own blood. Modred has treated with the Dark Ones. +For some, the lure of power is stronger than the ties of blood. No matter. I had hoped to have the wedding next spring, Lord Turold, with all the nobles of the kingdom in attendance. But Fate and this war have ordained otherwise. It is important to assure the succession. +It is important to assure the succession. Yes. +I will tell you something you did not know, Turold. Had it been my choice, all those years ago, I would have chosen you for my king. But my parents chose otherwise. I knew. +I knew. You knew! You are a rude bumpkin! +You knew! You are a rude bumpkin! That I am, my lady. +A girl of some spirit, your daughter. A match for your son, I think. +A match for your son, I think. A fine match. +A fine match. They will have the life that you and I might have had. +You were attacked in the forest? Yes. We lost five. +Yes. We lost five. You were lucky. I lost thirty there. +I tried to reach Ynyr, the old one. I led a hundred men to his place in Granite Needle, but it was surrounded. The Dark Ones guard it by night and by day they call out the Slayers. Ynyr cannot get out and no one can get in. How many did you lose? +How many did you lose? Sixty at the needle, another thirty in the forest. Only ten of us made it back. +Sixty at the needle, another thirty in the forest. Only ten of us made it back. We will have to try again. His knowledge is great. Without it, we cannot hope to win. +Modred! Impossible! He leads a group of Slayers, under the leopard banner. +We seek the Fortress of Krull. Such a vision will be opposed. Who seeks it? +Such a vision will be opposed. Who seeks it? The new King. +The new King. With an old voice? +With an old voice? You know the voice. +You know the voice. Yes. You have left your place in the Needle. It is the time, then. +Yes. You have left your place in the Needle. It is the time, then. It is the time. +It is the time. I will seek the Fortress for you. +Can you see? Yes. It is the Western Ocean. +The Dark Ones will appose you with all their power. They will fail for, during the day, the power of the Circle is greater than theirs. Only at night can they pierce the Circle. +Knowledge I wouldn't want. No. They are sad, solitary creatures, rarely seen. +We'll seek an Emerald Seer. They have great powers of vision. There's an Emerald Circle a few leagues from here. We'll find her. +We can save half a day by crossing the Stone Lake. Many have perished in that maze. +Many have perished in that maze. No maze to me, my fried. It is where we take refuge when they hunt us. +The leader of the Dark Ones? Yes. Like you, a King. A King of many worlds. All enslaved. +I must go to the widow. Perhaps she will help. The Widow of the Web? +The Widow of the Web? Yes. +Yes. That creature helps no one. And none who go there return. +That creature helps no one. And none who go there return. She has the power of vision. +She has the power of vision. She has the power to kill. +She has the power to kill. Perhaps she will not kill me, for I know her name. +Perhaps she will not kill me, for I know her name. Her name is Death. +Her name is Death. She had another name once. +Few have survived it. Fewer will survive them. +Each to his fate, lad. Each to his fate. Wait for me at the inn. If I am not back by dawn, you will know my fate, and you must go on without me. +We must reach the Valley of Reeds before the next dawn. It's a hundred leagues from here. +I'll stay behind and keep them busy. It is not necessary. They will not follow. +Look. Yes, they are weakening. It takes great power to maintain the Fortress, and they have expended much. +Kegan! It is too late. He has drunk. +Go now. Quell was wise. He knew that a man cannot ask more of his death than it help his friends. That is true. +Who speaks that name! Ynyr! +It is fifty years since I heard that name. It is fifty years since I spoke it to you. +It is fifty years since I spoke it to you. I was beautiful then. +I was beautiful then. The most beautiful woman in the world. +The most beautiful woman in the world. But you would not stay with me. +But you would not stay with me. Could not. Could not betray the girl to whom I was betrothed. +Could not. Could not betray the girl to whom I was betrothed. She was not as beautiful. +She was not as beautiful. No, she was not as beautiful. +No, she was not as beautiful. She bore you many children? +She bore you many children? We had no children. +We had no children. You had a son. +You had a son. You said nothing. You told me nothing. +You said nothing. You told me nothing. You had left me! I kept silent out of rage. +You had left me! I kept silent out of rage. Where is he? My son. +Where is he? My son. I killed him when he was born. This place is my punishment. +Do not try your trickery on me! It is no trickery. +It is no trickery. Those are reflections. This is my face! +You see? Yes. +Memory is no trick, it is a power. The power to see. Power you have given me. What can my power give you? +Power you have given me. What can my power give you? Knowledge. +Knowledge. Of what? +Of what? The Fortress of Krull. When will it come near here? +The Fortress of Krull. When will it come near here? Why must you know? +Why must you know? There is a girl there. Her name is Lyssa. +There is a girl there. Her name is Lyssa. You lie! +You lie! Could I lie to you and still see your beauty? +Could I lie to you and still see your beauty? No. +No. A young man seeks her. A young man about the age I was when I met you. +A young man seeks her. A young man about the age I was when I met you. Tomorrow, the Fortress of Krull will rise with the sun in the Valley of Reeds. But the knowledge is of no use to you. No man has ever escaped the Web. And soon the creature will come for you, even here. +It will not help. Then the other Lyssa will share your fate. She will grow old in the Fortress as you have grown old here. +I cannot stop the sand. You cannot stop time. Go now, before it runs out. +You cannot stop time. Go now, before it runs out. You will come with me. +You will come with me. There is sand enough for only one life. Go now, save the other. +What's that man's name? Why do you want to know? +Why do you want to know? He forgot his money... My mother's got a pub, behind the corner, and he forgot his money, about 100$. +He forgot his money... My mother's got a pub, behind the corner, and he forgot his money, about 100$. Huh? I see, but this is the FBI, little girl, and I can't let you in. But if you leave me his money, I'll give him it myself. +Give me his name, I will mail him. OK. Mister Stansfield, Norman STANSFIELD. +OK. Mister Stansfield, Norman STANSFIELD. ...Office 2702. +...Office 2702. Yeah... How do you know it? +Yeah... How do you know it? ...I heard he said... That's all... Thanks. +Yeah, pal! And I didn't say anything, I said I don't know you. But do you know what did she say, that stupid Raphaella? No? +No? She told them you wanted her things and that she wasn't surprised police looked for you! Can you believe it?! +She told them you wanted her things and that she wasn't surprised police looked for you! Can you believe it?! Asshole. But she won't miss anything, that. You'll see. +Asshole. But she won't miss anything, that. You'll see. Good, what are you going to do? Do you come back? +Good, what are you going to do? Do you come back? No... I can't... I got tired. I want to live my way. +YEAH! I was sure! Come on, tell me! I know him? No. +No. Come on, shit, tell me! Is he beautiful? +"I can't believe it! ""Yes I think""... How she kids me! I can't believe it! And did he pass your threshold or not?" ...What? +...What? Well... Did you sleep with him or not? +Well... Did you sleep with him or not? No... Not yet. He's very shy... and very sensitive. +No... Not yet. He's very shy... and very sensitive. ...Good... But what's special in him? +...Good... But what's special in him? ...I don't know... It's true he touches me. I love him. +...You moved too, didn't you? Yeah. +Yeah. Huh!? Because of the slaughter at your same floor? +Huh!? Because of the slaughter at your same floor? ...Not at all. +...Not at all. It's better... You see, it's my turf, so I don't want contracts I'm not informed about, on my turf. I'm not opposing, but the least they can do is informing me, isn't it? +It's better... You see, it's my turf, so I don't want contracts I'm not informed about, on my turf. I'm not opposing, but the least they can do is informing me, isn't it? Yes. +At a certain moment I thought: maybe Leon would like working on his own? So he makes some little extras? Dirty work, and I kill no women and no kids. +Dirty work, and I kill no women and no kids. That's what I later told myself! No, Tony, forget Leon! It can't be him, he likes too much his job to make such a slaughter! +Tell me... The money I earn and you keep for me... Do you need money? +Do you need money? No... Just to know... Because it's a long time I work... And I never did anything with my money... I should do something. +No, no. Pay attention to women, Leon. They are dangerous, you know? +Pay attention to women, Leon. They are dangerous, you know? Yeah... Well... I don't know.. I don't know any. +Yeah... Well... I don't know.. I don't know any. Listen, think about what you want to do, but don't worry, your money is there and it's safer than in a bank... Banks are robbed every five minutes! +Why can't I have a bank account? I'll explain you, Leon: they'll ask you to fill in a lot of forms and you can't write and they'll ask you your job, your employer's name and you can't tell them: My job, I'm a hitman and my employer is Tony, his record is longer than his resturant's menu. That's why you can't have a bank account! +Take... Well, I don't need them... +Well, I don't need them... Take them, you never know... If you want to have some fun. Take, it's a gift. +OK, I'm fine. Good. +Here, this is the light scoop for night shooting. There, you fix client's distance... How much to the bench down there in the park? Huh... 500 meters? +Huh... 500 meters? 130... 140... +130... 140... How can you say it? +How can you say it? Look. When you can see his fingers, it's 50 meters. When you just see his hands, it's about 80 meters. When you distinguish arms from body, it's 120-130. When you see nothing more than a shape, you don't shoot. Not very sure. You have one chance out of five to miss. A contract means getting all chances on your side. 5 out of 5. You can't miss a client. Never... If the task is delicate or the risk is too big, you double. That is, you insure yourself by another means. +Look. When you can see his fingers, it's 50 meters. When you just see his hands, it's about 80 meters. When you distinguish arms from body, it's 120-130. When you see nothing more than a shape, you don't shoot. Not very sure. You have one chance out of five to miss. A contract means getting all chances on your side. 5 out of 5. You can't miss a client. Never... If the task is delicate or the risk is too big, you double. That is, you insure yourself by another means. What, for example? +What, for example? Well, if the guy is far, in a car, and I know weather is going to be bad, rain for example, I think I would plastic the car, with a remote here. I shoot from the distance and if I miss I plastic. +Well, if the guy is far, in a car, and I know weather is going to be bad, rain for example, I think I would plastic the car, with a remote here. I shoot from the distance and if I miss I plastic. What if you can't approach the car or he changes car? +Rocket launcher. Oh really? But can you miss the car? +Wow! It's brilliant! Yeah... Come on, have a little training. +Who'll I aim at? Whoever. +The fat man down there, on the bench. Perfect. +Good! First shot! Yeah, but I didn't get him, I got his case and now he's behind the tree. What can I do? +Yeah, but I didn't get him, I got his case and now he's behind the tree. What can I do? It's not serious, it's just training. You have to learn from the beginning to hit the target, then, to improve precision, you'll train, but on cardboards. +It's not serious, it's just training. You have to learn from the beginning to hit the target, then, to improve precision, you'll train, but on cardboards. OK. +OK. Now, try a running guy. +The yellow and pink. OK. +What's up? I don't feel you're concentrated. Yes, yes... +It's incredible! How did you do it? What? +What? There, the guy... How did you do that, without even touching him? Without noise. It's like you put him away... How did you do it? +Five minutes. Keep in front of the window. OK. +Come on, get down! You were scared, weren't you? +You were scared, weren't you? I was nervous, that's all! Where is the guy? +I was nervous, that's all! Where is the guy? I killed him... and cut him and ate all of him... I left nothing for you! +It's strange, being in love... It's the first time for me... How do you know it's love, if you've never been in love before?... It may be friendship... or the love you can have with a brother or a father... How can you know? +How do you know it's love, if you've never been in love before?... It may be friendship... or the love you can have with a brother or a father... How can you know? ...Because I feel it. +Mathilda? May I come in? Yes. +Why don't you take me with you?... I'm ready, now. You said I learn very quickly. "Quick doesn't mean ""ready"". And you can't discuss, we said. Right?" +May I go to the cinema? No. +No. For musicals? That's part of the job! +For musicals? That's part of the job! No, you can't go out. +You see, five minutes ago you said you loved me and now you hate me... but I prefer this! I hate you because you depart without kissing me. That's all. +...You can leave whenever you want. I don't refrain you. ...This is what I don't like, you see: you don't refrain me, but at the same time I can't get out! +Not taken. Why? +Why? Too heavy. +Well... Then may you rent me your gear for the day? I never rent my gear. +If you knew, Leon...! I killed one thousand in my head... And this never disturbed my sleep. OK... And if it's you who gets killed? ...Then? Talking about other people's death is easy, but what about yours? She's here! She moves around you, and can get you in a thousandth of second. Because it was your day, your hour, your second... +It's true... But a first contract, it's an exception. And... May I kiss you, like in the movies, may this be an exception? +...I'm going to kiss you. Mathilda, stop, please! +Stop. Everyone is looking. Of course, so kiss me quickly, or they'll notice us. +...You don't believe me, don't you? What? +What? When I say I love you. +When I say I love you. Mathilda, don't resume, please. ....Change subject, OK? +Mathilda, don't resume, please. ....Change subject, OK? ...OK. I love you anyway. +...OK. I love you anyway. Mathilda?! +Mathilda?! OK, OK! Excuse me! How old were you when you had your first contract? +OK, OK! Excuse me! How old were you when you had your first contract? ...17. +...Shit!! We'd found him. We waited for him to get upstairs and he got out of the window. What shall we do? +What shall we do? I think. +Where are you going? Piddle. She smiles and looks for the bathroom. She finds it and is going to go in when she sees the head of a man in the bath, walkman on. She withholds a shout and gets against the wall, without moving. She doesn't dare passing before the open door again to join Leon. In the living room, Leon still thinks. +Piddle. She smiles and looks for the bathroom. She finds it and is going to go in when she sees the head of a man in the bath, walkman on. She withholds a shout and gets against the wall, without moving. She doesn't dare passing before the open door again to join Leon. In the living room, Leon still thinks. ...Why didn't he close the window? +It's cool departing this way... warm... music... "There are better things. You see the importance of the ""moment"". Ten minutes early or late, he'd have seen death. He'd have suffered it. This way, he already departed. Without knowing." +"There are better things. You see the importance of the ""moment"". Ten minutes early or late, he'd have seen death. He'd have suffered it. This way, he already departed. Without knowing." ...I'd like knowing what he's listening to... +...I'd like knowing what he's listening to... ...Later. +Mathilda, hadn't you told that bullshit to the receptionist, we'd still be in the hotel, I make you notice. That wasn't bullshit, I said we love each other. +That wasn't bullshit, I said we love each other. Yeah!... Anyway, I don't like hotels. Too much people, everyone's got the key... I don't like it. +...I prefer apartments... Furthermore, there are always kids in a building. What about getting some friends? Friends? You're crazy! In my building, before, they just cared drugs all day and you couldn't get one, or they just cared video games and you couldn't get one, no more. +Friends? You're crazy! In my building, before, they just cared drugs all day and you couldn't get one, or they just cared video games and you couldn't get one, no more. You're darkening the picture, aren't you? +You're darkening the picture, aren't you? A little... +A little... Is there a normal 13 or 14 year old boy? +Is there a normal 13 or 14 year old boy? Yeah... There's a lot on TV. +It's too big. Yeah... I'm just good for left-overs! +Risky business, isn't it? ...You're young, Mathilda... You still have a chance to get out. You can't give up this chance. You have to protect it. There's a lot of things to do in life, a lot of other jobs... +...You're young, Mathilda... You still have a chance to get out. You can't give up this chance. You have to protect it. There's a lot of things to do in life, a lot of other jobs... There are just two things I'm interested in: love and death. For the moment, I have none of the two! +Mathilda... There's equally a lot of other things! Huh, really? What? Come on, I'm waiting! +No, excuse me... It's the yogurt that made me laugh. You've just to love me and I'll be the happiest woman around. +You've just to love me and I'll be the happiest woman around. Yeah, I know! But for the moment you're not yet a woman. So, be patient... I need time... And you too. You have to grow up. +Yeah, I know! But for the moment you're not yet a woman. So, be patient... I need time... And you too. You have to grow up. I don't grow up any more. I just get older. +I'm here, I'll never leave you again, Mathilda, never. I swear. I love you so much, Leon. +I love you so much, Leon. I love you too, and I don't want to lose you. +Poor darling, and then? Well... I proposed them to play roulette... Like we played... ...And I lost. +Well... I don't know, suddenly, the make up... All this... How are you? Are you OK? Of course! I'm fine! I put on your beautiful dress, I slightly made up... I tried to get beautiful! Don't you like it? +...Don't you drink? I prefer waiting for a while... I feel it would go the wrong way. +...No... ...Don't you like me? +How many girlfriends did you have? ...I don't know. +...I don't know. Well... 1... 2... 10... 100... 1000? How many, approximately? +Well... 1... 2... 10... 100... 1000? How many, approximately? ...Mathilda, I don't feel like talking about this. +...Mathilda, I don't feel like talking about this. Why? Did you have too many and you fear it may shock me? I won't get shocked. I'm used to this! My father was a true pig. He fucked the bitch I'd as mother all around the apartment. Whenever a door was closed, you could be sure they were making sex behind it! And my sister, if you didn't sleep with her, you're building's exception! +Why? Did you have too many and you fear it may shock me? I won't get shocked. I'm used to this! My father was a true pig. He fucked the bitch I'd as mother all around the apartment. Whenever a door was closed, you could be sure they were making sex behind it! And my sister, if you didn't sleep with her, you're building's exception! Stop, Mathilda! Don't talk like that! +...I had a girlfriend... A long time ago. Before coming here, in my country. I was 14-year-old... We flirted like kids... Her father didn't want her to meet me. My family was not very respectable. Then? You didn't give a shit about her father, didn't you? You met anyway? +...That's awful. I hope you killed, that asshole? ...Yes. The day he got out of jail. I allowed him to make ten steps... No more. And bang. Two hundred meters. By telescope. That night, I left my country and came here, to join my father, who worked for Tony. ...I was 17. Then, I never left the city... And never had another girlfriend... +You... You knock the code, when you come back, OK? Yes. +Yes. Three times, then two times. +May I ask you a personal question? ...Yes. +...Yes. What do you do, with the money you earn? +What do you do, with the money you earn? Nothing, for the moment. +Nothing, for the moment. Maybe it's the time to do something, isn't it? +Maybe it's the time to do something, isn't it? Yeah, what? +Yeah, what? I don't know... Getting far away, the two of us, for example... And forgetting all this... +Why did you unleash the pipe, I don't know? It will take them five minutes! How long ago did they arrive? +It will take them five minutes! How long ago did they arrive? I don't know... Five minutes. +I don't know... Five minutes. Good! Snipers can't be in position. +How shall we get out now, Leon? Let me work. We'll get out, I tell you! +No! I don't want to leave you!! Mathilda, listen! +Mathilda, listen! No, no! I don't want to go! I don't want! +You say it just to calm me! Not at all, Mathilda! I tell you because it's true! You'll buy the globe you told me about and you will choose, OK? We'll go where you want! I swear, you'll see, Mathilda!! +Yes? Good morning, Mister... It's Danielle! +Good morning, Mister... It's Danielle! Huh! You made an error, baby. I don't know any Danielle. +Huh! You made an error, baby. I don't know any Danielle. ...I got lost, Mister. +...I got lost, Mister. Huh? Move back, baby, I can't see anything. +Huh? Move back, baby, I can't see anything. It's not me, it's dark here... and I can't find the switch. +...Yes? Excuse me, Mister... I'm looking for Mister Rubens' apartment, but it's dark out here and I got lost... +Excuse me, Mister... I'm looking for Mister Rubens' apartment, but it's dark out here and I got lost... ...One second. +Don't fear. I have no fear. +How are you, Miss? Fine... +I'm sick with practicing, that's it... I see. You're good, because I didn't hear anything. +I see. You're good, because I didn't hear anything. Yeah. I put a rag on the strings, to lessen noise. +Yeah. I put a rag on the strings, to lessen noise. Huh? That's smart! +Huh? That's smart! I'm used to it. Not everyone likes music. +I'm used to it. Not everyone likes music. Yeah, true. But what does your father exactly do for living? +Yeah, true. But what does your father exactly do for living? ...Composer. +...Composer. Huh, that's good! +Huh, that's good! Yeah, but he's not exactly my father... +Yeah, but he's not exactly my father... Huh? +Huh? ...No... he's my lover... +You can't sit here like that. Huh? Why? +Huh? Why? Because you have to pay. It's like a parking meter: if you stay, you pay. It's the rule... +Because you have to pay. It's like a parking meter: if you stay, you pay. It's the rule... ...And how much is it? +...And how much is it? Ten dollars... A month. +...OK... Good. Can I sit on the stairways now? +Can I sit on the stairways now? Huh... Yeah, yeah... Of course. +Rinaldi... Rinaldi... What region do you come from? Messina. +Messina. Emilio? Due grappe! ...Why the hell did you come here? +But... He works for your same employer? Yeah, but I don't give a shit about. I trade at left, at right and that's dangerous in there... +Yeah, but I don't give a shit about. I trade at left, at right and that's dangerous in there... It's a little out of the world coming to visit me this way, on mid afternoon. It really isn't the usual procedure... +It's a little out of the world coming to visit me this way, on mid afternoon. It really isn't the usual procedure... I know... But I'm a little pressed. +...Who sent you? Giancarlo... Rinaldi. +Is he still alive? Yeah... And still in Messina. He's my uncle. +Yeah... And still in Messina. He's my uncle. Huh? Are you Alfredo's son, then? +Huh? Are you Alfredo's son, then? No... Dino's. +Have you ever been in Messina, son? Yes... Twice. +Yes... Twice. "Did you fish in Messina? The ""pesce spada""?" +"Did you fish in Messina? The ""pesce spada""?" No... +No... It's a specialty down there. It's a fishing boat with, in front, a long pole near the surface. Then, near the cabin, a very tall mast with a little cabin for the lookout. +I think I will get back in Messina this summer... It's too long I haven't been there. You're right, son. You must care the links with your family, always. It's the only important thing in the world. +You're right, son. You must care the links with your family, always. It's the only important thing in the world. ...Yeah. +Salute. Salute. +You'd better talk good, son, because, for the moment, I've got a quite bad opinion about you. Norman smiles. I respect your business, Mister Tony. Every time we asked your help, we were very happy with the result. It's right this that makes me nervous, now. I hope you'll excuse my temporary bad mood? +I respect your business, Mister Tony. Every time we asked your help, we were very happy with the result. It's right this that makes me nervous, now. I hope you'll excuse my temporary bad mood? Then... +Do you recognize him? ...Even his mother wouldn't. +Listen, son, you know as well as me this kind of hitmen: they come from nowhere, get the contract and disappear. They're lonely, worse than wolves. May we have this wolf's name and address? +May we have this wolf's name and address? These guys have no place. They change virtually everyday. And his name... It's a surname. +He probably just went somewhere. Where? +Where? For a walk. I don't know. +What is it? Adelle... Maurice is in the paper. +This smells good. Why am I such an authority? +Why am I such an authority? Here comes the resume. +Here comes the resume. "I received my B.S. from the University of Pennsylvania, my P.H.D. from Bryn Mawr College. I worked three years at the Boston University School of Medicine, during which time I had articles printed in the ""Journal of Educational Psychology"", ""American Journal of Psychology"", ""Psychology Review"" and ""Science""... So I think it's safe to say my opinion is valid." +Uncle Maurice, you're wearing sneakers? High-top Nike Cross-Trainers with heel support and air-cushioned soles. They're nasty. +And your store? What about your new store? What about all your dreams? I have new dreams now. +I have new dreams now. I don't accept that. +I don't accept that. Maybe one day -- after you've been married twenty years you'll understand. +Maybe one day -- after you've been married twenty years you'll understand. Uncle Maurice -- I spent all our frequent flyer miles on a one way ticket here... I have a rented car outside, just listen to me. Come back with me now, and if you still want to do something like this in a year -- maybe we'll plan a car trip across the country -- Gerald and I will come along -- +Uncle Maurice -- I spent all our frequent flyer miles on a one way ticket here... I have a rented car outside, just listen to me. Come back with me now, and if you still want to do something like this in a year -- maybe we'll plan a car trip across the country -- Gerald and I will come along -- I have to walk -- by myself -- all the way -- every inch. +I have to walk -- by myself -- all the way -- every inch. It's impossible. +It's impossible. It's what she asked for... It's what I'm going to do. +It's what she asked for... It's what I'm going to do. She was being symbolic. What if she asked you to fly to the moon? +She was being symbolic. What if she asked you to fly to the moon? You'd be visiting me at Nasa. +What if you don't make it? I'll make it. +I'll make it. If you really want to do this... plan it out. Rest up. Train for it. Build up your body. Plan every stop along the way. How much money? Time? Really do it properly. This is all so -- by the seat of your pants. +If you really want to do this... plan it out. Rest up. Train for it. Build up your body. Plan every stop along the way. How much money? Time? Really do it properly. This is all so -- by the seat of your pants. No it's not. +No it's not. Why did you take the back roads here? They're not safe. You'd know that if you'd planned. +I've all ready gone six hundred miles... I can't do it again. If you can't redo these six hundred miles when you're rested and ready, how are you possible going to walk another two thousand-five hundred miles in your present condition? +Nothing's going to happen. Uncle, the way I was told, if that police car didn't happen down that road, you would be dead right now. That guy Denny, had jumped bail in another state, he's dangerous... They'll be other Dennys, if you don't plan. +Are you two planning kids? Maybe later. +Maybe later. You should definitely have children. They're really special. +I don't think you realize how serious this is Uncle. How serious is it? +Then it'll have to wait until I finish. What? +What? I finish the walk, and then we may take all the chances we want. +Listen to me very carefully, because I don't want you to misunderstand me... The walk is over Uncle Maurice. Done. Finished. You've made it to California, it was a miracle, now let's try to save your life. I'm completing the walk. I'm almost there. +I have to finish first. I won't let you die. +What would you like us to do? Put out a P.B.S.... Or whatever it's called. +Put out a P.B.S.... Or whatever it's called. A.P.B.... He isn't breaking any law. He's a grown man... He can crawl on his hands and knees to China if that's what he wants to do. +A.P.B.... He isn't breaking any law. He's a grown man... He can crawl on his hands and knees to China if that's what he wants to do. Sergeant, I'm a psychologist and I know the difference between normal whims people have and actions that clearly display psychological problems... My uncle lost his wife and it devastated him. +Sergeant, I'm a psychologist and I know the difference between normal whims people have and actions that clearly display psychological problems... My uncle lost his wife and it devastated him. We're very sorry about that. Some of our men were on the scene of the accident. +We're very sorry about that. Some of our men were on the scene of the accident. I think my uncle is suffering from a condition called Mania which is linked with depression. It is a time when an individual will act over-confident, and will act out impractical, grandiose plans. Sometimes these plans can be dangerous. +I think my uncle is suffering from a condition called Mania which is linked with depression. It is a time when an individual will act over-confident, and will act out impractical, grandiose plans. Sometimes these plans can be dangerous. How long does this... Mania last? +How long does this... Mania last? A couple days to a few months if untreated. +Look, I'll see if anyone has spotted him recently. If I get any information, I'll call you. Thank you. +Thank you. Don't wait by the phone. If he's really been walking this whole time, he's out of our jurisdiction... +Mine. Are you and your friends planning on driving soon? +Are you a preacher? No, I just don't want anybody dying because I didn't say something when I had the chance. +This is Indiana -- nothing's going to happen to you. You need a ride, Preacher? +A wife?... Did someone piss drunk run into your wife? Crushed her like a bug. Snapped her bones? That's enough. +Oh the preacher's getting angry again... Tell me something. Did she die instantly or did she feel every torn muscle and shattered bone? Were you there to help her? Or were you safe at home when the windshield sliced into her face -- I'll kill you! +"The normal amount of build up in your arteries has been aggravated by over exertion. This is called, ""Claudication,"" As a result, there isn't enough circulation to your body. That accounts for the discoloration in your extremities and the muscle spasms I'm sure you've encountered." Can it kill me? +Can it kill me? It can, but it'll have to wait in line. +What steps do we take now? We operate. We find the artery in the brain and close the bleeding... I just did this procedure on a Senator and he's doing fine. +We operate. We find the artery in the brain and close the bleeding... I just did this procedure on a Senator and he's doing fine. What are the odds? Do I have a fifty-fifty chance of surviving the operation? +What are the odds? Do I have a fifty-fifty chance of surviving the operation? It's hard to say. It's a delicate surgery. There's no getting around the fact that it's a very high-risk situation. +So what's the deal Maurice? Pardon? +Pardon? I mean why the sudden voluntary visit -- usually it takes gun- point to get you in here... +I mean why the sudden voluntary visit -- usually it takes gun- point to get you in here... Routine, I assure you. I just wanted to gage my health. Am I healthy? +Routine, I assure you. I just wanted to gage my health. Am I healthy? Yes -- you are. +Yes -- you are. I'm going to ask you a question that may sound peculiar. +I know what you're getting at. You do? +You do? I've seen it before. +I've seen it before. You have? +You have? You're feeling old and you want to start exercising. A lot of men your age feel the need to recapture their youth. Don't feel embarrassed about it. +You're feeling old and you want to start exercising. A lot of men your age feel the need to recapture their youth. Don't feel embarrassed about it. Okay. +Okay. You should start slow and easy -- fifteen minutes a day. +You should start slow and easy -- fifteen minutes a day. No. How far in one attempt -- what's the farthest someone like myself could walk? +Just for curiosity sake that's all? I don't know -- maybe twenty miles... Of course I'm not recommending that... if someone like you had to I mean... that's how far they'd probably get before encountering serious physical walls. +I don't know -- maybe twenty miles... Of course I'm not recommending that... if someone like you had to I mean... that's how far they'd probably get before encountering serious physical walls. Twenty miles? I see. +Yes? The flowers... they're beautiful. +You thought I sent them? There was no card. +Have I forgotten something? Is this a special day? It's just a regular day. +It's a special day isn't it? Well, I'm sure it's not Christmas, because you'd be worried about how much money we don't have to spend on each other... I know it's not New Years, because you'd be going on and on about wearing a tuxedo and how much you don't like to dance... and I'm sure it's not our anniversary, because I didn't find an envelope with a hundred dollars cash on my bureau with a note that says, 'Pick out something pretty'... Yes -- Maurice -- I'm virtually certain it's not a special day today. +Ellen? What? +What? The new store? +The new store? Honey, I told you. If it makes you happy, we should just do it. +Honey, I told you. If it makes you happy, we should just do it. It's a tremendous amount of work -- moving. +It's a tremendous amount of work -- moving. We can do it together. +... Love is shown through actions not just words. What's that? That's not a fortune... You will be rich... That's a fortune. What you have is a statement. +What's that? That's not a fortune... You will be rich... That's a fortune. What you have is a statement. What it is -- is the truth. +What it is -- is the truth. I don't follow. +Is this going to be similar to the flower incident? Sometimes people need to see things done for them -- because sooner or later they don't believe the words anymore. +Sometimes people need to see things done for them -- because sooner or later they don't believe the words anymore. You don't think I love you? +I want to be shown... Maurice would you do anything for me? Yes. +Yes. Anything? +Anything? What do you want from me? Would I swim across an ocean for you?... Would I walk across the United States for you? Yes... Yes I would. You know that. +What do you want from me? Would I swim across an ocean for you?... Would I walk across the United States for you? Yes... Yes I would. You know that. No I don't. I don't even know if you'd walk across the street for me. +Why do you polish that thing all the time? You're talking to me? +You're talking to me? Why do you polish it? +A Book Society Award is a very prestigious thing. Why are you polishing it -- in bed -- in your pajamas -- at 11:15 at night? Are you going to show it to someone? +Why are you polishing it -- in bed -- in your pajamas -- at 11:15 at night? Are you going to show it to someone? No. +No. Then why? +Then why? There's no reason. +There's no reason. Exactly. No reason. No occasion. It just makes you feel good to do something for it, to express your pride and affection for it some how... How come you'd do that for a piece of metal and not for me? +I do love you... very, very much. Show me. +Show me. I will -- I promise. +Walk with me? You like to take walks? +You like to take walks? No. But I want to take a walk with you. +It's one of those thoughts you keep to yourself. Please tell me. +I thought we both wanted the same things. I've changed my mind. +I've changed my mind. You can't change your mind. +I want children. You've just decided, is that right? +You've just decided, is that right? Yes. +Ellen, there are two kinds of people in the world -- Please not, 'The two kinds of people' speech. +Please not, 'The two kinds of people' speech. ... People that were made to be parents, and people who were not made to be parents... My parents, were people who were not made to be parents but had kids anyway. I don't want us to be that way Ellen. +... People that were made to be parents, and people who were not made to be parents... My parents, were people who were not made to be parents but had kids anyway. I don't want us to be that way Ellen. You can change. +You can change. Face it Ellen, I'm not the type of person who reads bedtime stories. But you love me anyway. +Face it Ellen, I'm not the type of person who reads bedtime stories. But you love me anyway. Don't be so sure. +It must've hit the window... I think its neck is broken. Don't bring it in here -- it probably has all kinds of diseases. +It isn't going to make it Ellen. Let the poor thing go quietly. It'll make it. +Your father? He's plastered. +He's plastered. That's okay -- really it is. +That's okay -- really it is. No it's not. He should be here with me now, not trying to find some fucking bottle of Johnny Walker. He's never been there for me. I've always been alone. +I don't know. I think it's a different place for each person. +I think it's a different place for each person. Did you have a dream? +I know where my heaven is. Where? +Where? Pacifica, California. +Why there? When I was ten, my family lived in Pacifica for a year. I used to go to the beach everyday that summer. I never felt so happy, carefree. It was a magic place for me... That's where my heaven will be. +Maurice? Yes. +Yes. If I die, you'll know where to look for me? +If I die, you'll know where to look for me? Go to sleep Ellen. +Go to sleep Ellen. No really, if God takes us away from each other, you know where to look now? +The beach of Pacifica, California. Good. +What did they ask? If I had seen you. By the way I'm sorry about your wife. They told me. +If I had seen you. By the way I'm sorry about your wife. They told me. Thank you... I'm sorry you had to lie. It must have been difficult. +Thank you... I'm sorry you had to lie. It must have been difficult. I asked the officers if you had committed some crime... If they had said 'yes', you would be speaking with them right now. +To where? Pacifica, California. +Pacifica, California. From where? +From where? Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. +Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I see. +Why? Do you believe a person's soul lives on after their death? +Do you believe a person's soul lives on after their death? Most certainly. +Most certainly. And that that soul takes part of the person they were on this earth with them. +And that that soul takes part of the person they were on this earth with them. That's a reasonable assumption. +That's a reasonable assumption. I don't want my wife's soul having any doubts. +I don't want my wife's soul having any doubts. Doubts? About what? +Doubts? About what? About my love for her. +You don't have to prove anything to her. I'm not proving to her. I'm showing her. And I know I don't have to. I want to. I've realized, love is about giving. I'm alive, I can still give to her. I want to give her everything I can. +What's his story? His name is Maurice. He's dancing around everything else. +His name is Maurice. He's dancing around everything else. Red flag, man. +Red flag, man. If he's in trouble with the law -- fine. Not our problem. He yanked two people from a car wreck, let's give him some space. +Red flags man. Not our problem. +Not our problem. Why so vague? Why so evasive? He could be somebody hot. +Why so vague? Why so evasive? He could be somebody hot. Not our problem. +Not our problem. It's going to look beautiful when he turns out to be that animal who paid a visit to the Steadman's house. +It's going to look beautiful when he turns out to be that animal who paid a visit to the Steadman's house. This guy's not a murderer. +This guy's not a murderer. If he is, half the town has seen us take him out for dinner like a couple of jack-asses. +A marriage certificate? Who the hell carries their marriage certificate around? Maurice and Ellen Parker... it was issued in Philly... Mr. Maurice Parker has come a long way from home. Why? +Hansen's whipped. Has to call his wife every two hours or she'll go ballistic when he gets home. P-A-R-K-E-R. Right. Get on the horn with Philly. Call me here. +I'm going to drop off Tandy at the station and then drop you back. That's all right isn't it? +Shit! He jumped! Jumped where? +Jumped where? Out of the car. He jumped out of the god damn car! +Well, hello. I'm Isaac... I'm three. +I'm Isaac... I'm three. I'm Maurice Parker... I'm much older than three. Are your parents home? +You know what, I can play baseball with my brothers when I'm bigger. Is that right? +Is that right? You know what... I'm just little now, but I'll be big soon. +You know what... I'm just little now, but I'll be big soon. You'll probably be bigger than your brothers. +You'll probably be bigger than your brothers. Yeah! +I thought you were asleep. You know what... I remembered you were here and I woke up. +Your parents would want you to be in bed. You tell stories? +You tell stories? Oh no... I'm not good at that. Very bad in fact... +There was a boy named Isaac who wanted to play baseball, but he was too small and no one would let him play... but he kept practicing by himself -- waiting... He went to every game and sat in the stands with his glove. You know what... maybe I ran onto the field and hit a home run. +You know what... maybe I ran onto the field and hit a home run. Who's telling this story? +Anyway, Big Billy needed another player so he yelled into the stands. 'Who can play baseball?' And there was a little voice that yelled out, 'Me, I can play.' Everyone turned to see a little boy standing with a glove. That's me. +That's me. Right. But everyone saw how small Isaac was and laughed... but not Big Billy. He stared at Isaac carefully and then told him to join the game. It came to the end of the game. It was the eleventh or twelfth inning or whatever is the last inning of a game... +Right. But everyone saw how small Isaac was and laughed... but not Big Billy. He stared at Isaac carefully and then told him to join the game. It came to the end of the game. It was the eleventh or twelfth inning or whatever is the last inning of a game... Nine. +Nine. Okay nine. Big Billy's team was losing and he was on base. That's when Isaac came up. He could barely hold the bat... Big Billy winked at Isaac... The ball was pitched -- Isaac hit the ball hard. It soared up and out over the stadium. Everyone cheered. Isaac hit a home run and won the game. After the game, Isaac asked Big Billy why he let he play. Big Billy smiled and said, I wasn't always Big Billy, I was Little Billy first... Isaac and Big Billy went off after the game and read a classic book together. The end. +Okay nine. Big Billy's team was losing and he was on base. That's when Isaac came up. He could barely hold the bat... Big Billy winked at Isaac... The ball was pitched -- Isaac hit the ball hard. It soared up and out over the stadium. Everyone cheered. Isaac hit a home run and won the game. After the game, Isaac asked Big Billy why he let he play. Big Billy smiled and said, I wasn't always Big Billy, I was Little Billy first... Isaac and Big Billy went off after the game and read a classic book together. The end. You know what -- that was a really good story... Tell it again. +Each inch represents 150 miles... Making the grand total? +Making the grand total? Damn baby, relax. I'm getting to it. From Philadelphia following the route highlighted to Pacifica California -- you're traveling an estimated three thousand two hundred miles... +Three thousand miles?... How many times does twenty go into three thousand? What was that? +What was that? Perhaps there's another route? +Perhaps there's another route? This is the route approved by triple A. Even if you followed back roads the entire way, you'd still be looking at roughly the same distance... +Don't worry baby, it shouldn't take you more than five days if you just stop to sleep and eat. By car right? +This story is big huh? Mammoth. +Mammoth. The Gazette's small huh? +What are you saying? This story is too big for this paper? Umm, no. It's just that -- +Umm, no. It's just that -- God damn, you're right... You don't say much Michelle, but what you say is golden. +Michelle, breathe... that's it, what is it, talk to me. Umm, Coalville Utah. +Umm, he's going to make it isn't he? Maybe. +Lizy, Eliza... Elizabeth Bennett... Pride and Prejudice. You're amazing. +You're amazing. It has to be a full character's name. +It has to be a full character's name. They called her 'Lizy' in the book... Sorry I was late. My jeep died on the way over from the paper. +They called her 'Lizy' in the book... Sorry I was late. My jeep died on the way over from the paper. They printed your article on, 'Dry Verses Can Dog Food'... Very enlightening. +They printed your article on, 'Dry Verses Can Dog Food'... Very enlightening. Pulitzer, here I come. +What happened? Never have children. If they're not a burden to you, they're a burden to someone else. +I want to reach people. Nobody listens to me. This is my way to reach them. To reach people, you have to feel something first... You write about the wrong things. How can you feel for dog food? The people at the Gazette don't respect it, and neither do you. +To reach people, you have to feel something first... You write about the wrong things. How can you feel for dog food? The people at the Gazette don't respect it, and neither do you. This is a ghost town. Nothing ever happens. +This is a ghost town. Nothing ever happens. Write from your heart. That's why the classics are great. +Are you firing me? No. No... I won't be here for a while. The store will be closed in the interim. +You going on a trip Mr. Parker? Yes. +Yes. Where? +Where? California. +When are you leaving? Tomorrow. +I'm walking there Kris. Walking where? +Walking where? California. +The hairs on my arm are standing up... Something strange is happening. I always knew you had good instincts... Goodbye Kris. I'll see you when I get back. +Phileas Fogg? ... Round The World In Eighty Days. ... Hello Kris. +... Round The World In Eighty Days. ... Hello Kris. You're amazing... What are you doing Mr. Parker? +You're amazing... What are you doing Mr. Parker? I told you. +You're walking to California? Pacifica, California -- it's a coastal city. +Pacifica, California -- it's a coastal city. Oh, a coastal city. That's good. +Ellen told me that she didn't know if I loved her. She knew you loved her. +She knew you loved her. She wasn't certain... I never really showed her. +I'm really lost. What does this have to do with walking? I said, 'I would do anything for her'... and she didn't believe me. I said, 'I'd walk across the country for her'... she didn't believe me. +I need to show her how much I love her Kris. Why know? +Why know? Because I should have shown her before... Everyday, I should have shown her. +Pacifica, California... that's a long ways away. So I've been informed. +Ellen got up every morning and went to the corner store to get me my bread for breakfast... Everyday. Now that's about a quarter mile each way... 17 years... that comes to about three thousand miles... And you know what Kris? What Mr. Parker? +What Mr. Parker? She never ate a slice. +Tom Joad? ... The Grapes of Wrath. +... The Grapes of Wrath. You're amazing. +I missed you Kris. I missed you to Mr. Parker. +I missed you to Mr. Parker. Adelle told me, your writing is going well. The Crusader for social issues and all. +Adelle told me, your writing is going well. The Crusader for social issues and all. You were right. From the heart is always better. +I haven't been too punctual with the rent. I was thinking you could open another store with investors. I'm sure a lot of people would want to get involved with you now. +Are they standing? Saluting. +Come on Mr. Parker. What, come on? +What, come on? I can't do it. I want you to finish, but I want you to live more. +We do the operation after I finish. I can't risk not finishing... I thought you understood what I was doing. I do. +I do. Why in God's name did you fly all the way here then? +Why in God's name did you fly all the way here then? Don't do this. +Don't do this. ... To look me in the eye and say what's important to you isn't as important to me? To tell me you know what's best? To tell me life is more precious than what I feel for my wife? +Mr. Parker, you can yell at me, if it'll help. But I'm not risking your life. It's mine to risk. +She knows you love her Mr. Parker. She knows now. No more words. Until I touch the ocean with my hands... it's all just words. +There are a lot of people worried about you. Where am I? +Where am I? In a hospital. +In a hospital. Which hospital? Did you take me back? +What do your friends call you? Steph. +Steph. Do you have a car, Steph? +You're in pain. I need your help. +I need your help. They told me, you might try to talk me into something... You need to rest Mr. Parker... It's for your own good. I've been following your story for a long while. It's a beautiful thing you did. +They told me, you might try to talk me into something... You need to rest Mr. Parker... It's for your own good. I've been following your story for a long while. It's a beautiful thing you did. You ever lose somebody Stephanie? +You ever lose somebody Stephanie? Mr. Parker, I'm supposed to give you your fish sticks. +... My father. Did you tell him everything you wanted to? Did you do everything you could while he was here? +You're going to have a lot of work to do when I get back. Someone should be with you. +Good morning. Good morning. +Is it a boy or a girl? Oh, that's not mine. +I don't have kids. You should. Children are a blessing from God. I have four. +You look so happy -- how long have you been married? Forty-seven years. +Where did he go? He's getting my sweater from the car. I said there was a breeze. I told him not to go. +May I ask you a question that might sound strange? Yes. +Hello, Mr. Parker. Hello. +Hello. How are you feeling? +How are you feeling? Confused. I'm not sure what to do now. I'm not sure what he wants for me. +Confused. I'm not sure what to do now. I'm not sure what he wants for me. He wants to reward you... That's why I'm here. +He wants to reward you... That's why I'm here. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I mean you've done a great thing. You should be rewarded monetarily. +What's your shoe size? What? Who are you? +If that ain't fate?... Hi, I'm Dave Caldwell. I do the copy for the anchor on the evening news down here. Evening News? +Evening News? We did a piece after your story ran in the New York Times. +I've always wanted a watch like that. It's yours. +It's yours. No. I won't take it unless I pay for it... Let's see, that's a pretty nice watch -- I can see that. +I really want that watch. This isn't right. +This isn't right. This is my only chance to get a watch like that. It would mean a lot to me and my family. Please take it. It really isn't that much. +There's a one-drink minimum per show, I hope you saw the sign when you came in. Anyway, they're supposed to tell you. Yes, I heard, and it's not a problem. +Yes, I heard, and it's not a problem. What do you want? +What do you want? What are my choices? +What are my choices? Everything's ten dollars, and there's no alcohol. +Everything's ten dollars, and there's no alcohol. No alcohol? +No alcohol? No alcohol. You gotta get something else. Everything's ten dollars. What do you want? +No alcohol. You gotta get something else. Everything's ten dollars. What do you want? What do you think I should get? +What do you think I should get? Non-alcoholic malt beverage? +Non-alcoholic malt beverage? ...Noooo. +...Noooo. Orange soda? +Orange soda? No. +No. Coffee? +Coffee? No. +No. Sparkling apple cider? +Sparkling apple cider? No. +No. Water? +Water? Water? +Water? One drink minimum per show. Everything's ten dollars. Now... tell me what you want or I'll eighty- six you. +One drink minimum per show. Everything's ten dollars. Now... tell me what you want or I'll eighty- six you. Water. +Hello! Hello. +Hello. Are you working? +Are you working? Working? What do you mean, working? I'm walking. +Isn't it illegal to drink and drive? That's funny. I wonder if you'll take two hundred and fifty dollars to fuck me? +That is, if you'll come to my room for an hour, I will give you five hundred dollars. Maybe you shouldn't stand in the road like that. You're pretty drunk. +You're pretty drunk. Not really. My room's not far. The Whole Year Inn. You can drive with me if you want... +Sarah -- with an H? No -- S.E.R.A. +I'm sort of curious... if you're willing to pay me two-fifty... not that I mind... I mean, I'm OK with that -- why aren't you staying in a hotel? We can go to one if you'd prefer. +We can go to one if you'd prefer. No, this is fine. I was just wondering. +Umm. We can stay in the car for an hour if you want. But I really have to go then. It's your time. Right, I'll get your door. I tend to fade in and out lately. +Right, I'll get your door. I tend to fade in and out lately. I guess I do too. +I guess I do too. You what? +You what? I sometimes fade out. +I sometimes fade out. Oh... well, maybe we better synchronize our spells... or stagger them. +Oh... well, maybe we better synchronize our spells... or stagger them. You were going to get my door. +Mind if I use the bathroom? Of course. +Want a drink? I'm having one. A shot of tequila, if you can spare it. +A shot of tequila, if you can spare it. Of course. +Do you want to fuck now? Maybe another drink first. More tequila? +Maybe another drink first. More tequila? OK... whatever. +What's the story? Are you too drunk to come? I don't care about that. There's time left. You can have more money. You can drink all you want. You can talk or listen. Just stay, that's all I want. +No, I came here to drink... myself... you know... To death? +To death? Yes, that's right. +I cashed in all of my money, paid my AmEx card, gonna sell the car tomorrow. How long's it gonna take, for you to drink yourself to death? +How long's it gonna take, for you to drink yourself to death? I think about four weeks, and I've got enough for about two hundred and fifty to three hundred dollars a day. +I think about four weeks, and I've got enough for about two hundred and fifty to three hundred dollars a day. Yes... that should do it. What am I? A luxury? +Yes... that should do it. What am I? A luxury? Yeah. And your meter just ran out. +If I was I'm sorry. No, just drunk... but that's OK. Where's your car? +No, just drunk... but that's OK. Where's your car? I sold it this morning. I'm going to take cabs from now on in. +Don't run away. Why should I? I know you're not a cop, so what is it tonight? Another two-fifty to watch you sleep? +What's up? I was looking for you tonight. I don't know if you have a boyfriend... +...or a girlfriend, but if you have some free time... maybe we could have dinner. Are you serious. +Are you serious. I think you know I'm serious. I'll pay you if you like... but I'd like to see you. +I think you know I'm serious. I'll pay you if you like... but I'd like to see you. No, I can't have dinner with you. +Yes. I have to change and take a shower first. If you want to come home and wait. +We should pick up a bottle of tequila on the way. I owe you one. You do? +This is the home of an angel. You OK out there? +You OK out there? Yes. Take your time. I'm fine. +You OK? Of course. Wow... you look extremely beautiful. +Of course. Wow... you look extremely beautiful. Thank you. What time is it? +Thank you. What time is it? Don't know. My watch went the way of the car. +I'm rambling. I really like you. You make me want to talk... I don't know what time it is. I like hearing you talk. If you feel up to a short walk, there's a place to eat around the corner. All the food in Vegas is terrible so the place doesn't really matter. How does that sound to you? +I like hearing you talk. If you feel up to a short walk, there's a place to eat around the corner. All the food in Vegas is terrible so the place doesn't really matter. How does that sound to you? Do they have drinks? +I'm from the East. I went to college, did an arts course. I now live in Vegas. I think of it as home. I came here deliberately to carve out a life. I was in LA before, but I'll come back to that later. The tough times are behind me now. I can deal with the bad things that happen. There will always be dark characters. But my life is good. It is as I would want it to be. So, why are you a drunk? Is that really what you want to ask me? +Is that really what you want to ask me? Yes. +Yes. Well, then I guess this is our first date... or our last. Until now, I wasn't sure it was either. +Well, then I guess this is our first date... or our last. Until now, I wasn't sure it was either. Very clever. +First. It's our first. I'm just concerned. So... why are you killing yourself? Interesting choice of words. I don't remember. I just know that I want to. +Interesting choice of words. I don't remember. I just know that I want to. Want to kill yourself? Are you saying that you're drinking as a way to kill yourself? +It wasn't so important to me. I mean, he never asked me why I was a hooker, and that was impressive. I really liked him. So I decided to just play my part. I mean... it's good to help someone once in a while, it's a bonus to being alive, and that was my plan... to stay alive. I suddenly came to a decision. What are you thinking? Are you angry with me? +What are you thinking? Are you angry with me? Ben, why don't you stay at my place tonight? I mean... look, you're so drunk. I like you. I trust you. +Ben, why don't you stay at my place tonight? I mean... look, you're so drunk. I like you. I trust you. That's astonishing. Sera, look... +That's astonishing. Sera, look... I hate to think of you in that cheesy motel. I mean... +Let's face it, what the fuck are you doing in Las Vegas? I'm going to move to a smart hotel, tomorrow if it'll make you feel better. Let's talk about tomorrow. Wanna do something? +I'm going to move to a smart hotel, tomorrow if it'll make you feel better. Let's talk about tomorrow. Wanna do something? Sure... tonight. Then please stay at my place. +Sure... tonight. Then please stay at my place. Sera... you know I'm not much good in the sack. +Sera... you know I'm not much good in the sack. It's not about sex, Ben. I'll make you up a bed on the sofa. Do it for me. We can talk till late and then sleep till late. As you know, I am my own boss. +How long have I been here? Three nights, two days. When is your rent coming up at the motel? +Three nights, two days. When is your rent coming up at the motel? I don't know. I'll go and sort it out today. Why don't you come?... We'll find a real room for me. You can pick it out, a tower on the strip. +I don't know. I'll go and sort it out today. Why don't you come?... We'll find a real room for me. You can pick it out, a tower on the strip. There's no reason to blow all your money on a hotel room. +There's no reason to blow all your money on a hotel room. What do you mean? +What do you mean? What I mean is that you should bring your stuff over here. We're spending all this time together... what the fuck! +What I mean is that you should bring your stuff over here. We're spending all this time together... what the fuck! Sera... +Sera... Let's face it, Ben, we're having fun here. I've never done so much talking in my life. +Let's face it, Ben, we're having fun here. I've never done so much talking in my life. Me neither. +Me neither. So! Let's dispense with the formalities. I want you here... now! +So! Let's dispense with the formalities. I want you here... now! Sera you are crazy. +Sera you are crazy. So... I'm not too concerned with long term plans. +So... I'm not too concerned with long term plans. Don't you think you'll get a little bored living with a drunk? +Don't you think you'll get a little bored living with a drunk? That is what I want. Why don't you go and get your stuff? +That is what I want. Why don't you go and get your stuff? You haven't seen the worst of it. These last few days I've been very controlled. I knock things over... I throw up all the time. Now I feel really good... You're like some kind of antidote that mixes the liquor and keeps me in balance, but that won't last forever. You'll get tired of it really quickly. Believe me. +Don't you like me, Ben? Don't be silly? +Sera... what you don't understand is... What? +You can never... never... ask me to stop drinking. Do you understand? I do. I really do. OK. I have to do some shopping alone. You go out for a few drinks and then pick up your things. Don't hurry and I'll be back before you to let you in. +Hi! Why don't you go in and sit down. I have some gifts for you. +Why don't you go in and sit down. I have some gifts for you. Right... OK... +Want a drink? Great nap. Wanna go out tonight? Seriously, Ben... I need to keep pretty low-key around here. Maybe next time you could nap this side of the door. That was the landlord. +Seriously, Ben... I need to keep pretty low-key around here. Maybe next time you could nap this side of the door. That was the landlord. Of course. +Ben? Sorry. +Sera, I love that name... S.E.R.A. Before we proceed onwards, there is something I need to say. OK? OK. +OK. I've come this far... here I am, in your house. I want you to let me pay the rent for this month. All right? +Why? Because... it's better for me that way. OK? +Because... it's better for me that way. OK? Well... OK... +Sera... I hope that you understand how I feel about this. First of all, you're welcome to my money. We can buy a couple of cases of liquor and you can have the rest. But I don't think you're talking to me right now about money. No? +No? No. I think you're talking about you. I'll tell you right now that I'm in love with you... but, be that as it may, I'm not here to force my twisted life into your soul. +No. I think you're talking about you. I'll tell you right now that I'm in love with you... but, be that as it may, I'm not here to force my twisted life into your soul. I know that... +I know that... ...and I'm not here to demand your attention to the point where it changes your life. We know I'm a drunk... but that seems to be all right with you. And I know that you're a hooker. I hope you understand that I'm a person who is totally at ease with this... which is not to say that I'm indifferent or that I don't care... I do... it simply means that I trust and accept your judgement. What I'm saying is... that I hope you understand that I understand. +...and I'm not here to demand your attention to the point where it changes your life. We know I'm a drunk... but that seems to be all right with you. And I know that you're a hooker. I hope you understand that I'm a person who is totally at ease with this... which is not to say that I'm indifferent or that I don't care... I do... it simply means that I trust and accept your judgement. What I'm saying is... that I hope you understand that I understand. Thanks, I do understand. I was worried about how that would be... but now I'm not. And you should know that included with the rent here is a complimentary blow job. +Thanks, I do understand. I was worried about how that would be... but now I'm not. And you should know that included with the rent here is a complimentary blow job. Ah, yes... I suppose sooner or later we ought to fuck. +Ah, yes... I suppose sooner or later we ought to fuck. Whatever that means. Open your presents. +Right... the suitcase was clinking. So what did you do with your clothes? I threw them into the garbage, which was perhaps immoral, but I wanted to come to you clean, so to speak. I thought we could go shopping and pick up a pair of jeans and forty- five pairs of underwear and just throw them out each day. +I threw them into the garbage, which was perhaps immoral, but I wanted to come to you clean, so to speak. I thought we could go shopping and pick up a pair of jeans and forty- five pairs of underwear and just throw them out each day. Nice talk, Ben. Keep drinking. In between the hundred and one proof breath and the occasional drool, some interesting words fall from your mouth. +I'm going to fill it right now. Do you want to go gambling tonight? We could go out and play for a few hours. +Giving you money makes me want to come. Then come. I'm going to change. Watch TV. I'll be half an hour. +I am planning to go out and do some work. When? +When? Tomorrow night as a matter of fact. +I like women who wear mismatched earrings. Well, then... I hope we don't run into any tonight. +Well, then... I hope we don't run into any tonight. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I expect some kind of loyalty here. Just because I fuck for money doesn't give you cause to start picking up women and leaving me looking silly. +How are you doing? Very well... umm... I never expected to have to ask you this again... but how did our evening go? I remember getting to the casino... I remember kissing you... that was really nice but everything after that is a blank. +Very well... umm... I never expected to have to ask you this again... but how did our evening go? I remember getting to the casino... I remember kissing you... that was really nice but everything after that is a blank. Well -- I was prepared for worse, but it wasn't so bad. We were sitting at the bar, talking about blackjack. You seemed just fine, a little drunker than usual, but nothing really strange, but then your head started to droop and I put my arm on your shoulder and then, wham, you swung you arm at me, and fell backwards off your stool into a cocktail waitress. You smashed everything on her tray, it was a real mess. You kept yelling and yelling. +Well -- I was prepared for worse, but it wasn't so bad. We were sitting at the bar, talking about blackjack. You seemed just fine, a little drunker than usual, but nothing really strange, but then your head started to droop and I put my arm on your shoulder and then, wham, you swung you arm at me, and fell backwards off your stool into a cocktail waitress. You smashed everything on her tray, it was a real mess. You kept yelling and yelling. Oh, and what did you do? +Oh, and what did you do? I tried to shut you up and help you to your feet but you kept swinging at me -- not like you wanted to hit me, but more just waving me away. Security came and when you saw them you stopped yelling. They wanted to carry you out and dump you on the street, but I talked them into letting me walk you out. +I tried to shut you up and help you to your feet but you kept swinging at me -- not like you wanted to hit me, but more just waving me away. Security came and when you saw them you stopped yelling. They wanted to carry you out and dump you on the street, but I talked them into letting me walk you out. That's impressive. How did you do that? +That's impressive. How did you do that? I told them you were an alcoholic and I would take you home. I also promised that we would never come in there again. +I told them you were an alcoholic and I would take you home. I also promised that we would never come in there again. We? +You were OK for a while, so we walked for about a block and then you said you wanted to go home and fuck, but I think even you knew that wasn't going to happen. We got a cab and you asked him to stop at a liquor store, even though I told you that we had plenty at home. In the store you gave the kid a hundred and told him to keep the change. I asked you if you knew it was a hundred. You said you did, so I let you do it. We got here, you fell asleep on the couch and I covered you up and came to bed. I warned you... ...but I'm sorry. +I warned you... ...but I'm sorry. Here's my speech... ...I know this shouldn't be acceptable to me, but it is. Don't ask me why. I sense that your trouble is very big... and I'm scared for you... and so I'm doing what I think you need me to do. Falling down in casinos is little stuff. It doesn't bother me. It has nothing to do with us. +Here's my speech... ...I know this shouldn't be acceptable to me, but it is. Don't ask me why. I sense that your trouble is very big... and I'm scared for you... and so I'm doing what I think you need me to do. Falling down in casinos is little stuff. It doesn't bother me. It has nothing to do with us. That's amazing. What are you? Some sort of angel visiting me from one of my drunk fantasies? How can you be so good? +Why don't you go back to sleep. I'll go out and buy us some breakfast. Be careful. +Very creative. Now we can get you a black bow tie and you can look like one of those casino dealers. OK, but remember that they wear it because they have to. I wear it because I want to. That'll make me look different. Let's get a drink. +Your color. I think you should wear one at a time. One of these... and one of your others. In fact, I was going to buy just one, but I didn't think it would fly... as a gift, I mean. +What was that all about? Can we just forget it? +Can we just forget it? I don't understand any of that. +I don't understand any of that. Can we just ignore it? +Please! Yes... I'll give you that. +Yes... I'll give you that. Thank you, Sera. +Thank you, Sera. Do you want me not to go tonight? +Do you want me not to go tonight? No... we already talked about that. +Maybe I should follow you around and ask one of your tricks what it's like to sleep with you. They wouldn't know. +I'll be back home around three. If you're back by then we can watch TV or something... I guess what I'm saying is... that I hope you are back when I get home. Please be careful. You be careful to. I'm going to miss you. +You be careful to. I'm going to miss you. Shall we go away for a couple of days? +Shall we go away for a couple of days? Yeah... I'd like that. +Years ago, in LA, I turned a trick on Sunset and Western. The guy was polite and didn't argue about the price. He parked his car and I took him to a house that I had an arrangement with. A fat Mexican woman was watching a TV and I told him to give her the twenty for the room. There were three or four small naked children playing on the floor and we had to step over them to get into the room. The room had a bed and a dresser. He lay on his back on the bed and I put a rubber on him and sucked him for a while until he was hard and then I eased on to him. About twenty minutes later there was a knock on the door and it was the woman saying our time was up. I felt kind of guilty because he hadn't come and I offered to reason with the woman and get another ten minutes, but he said it was all right and began dressing. When we were ready to leave the room he stopped me and... hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. He gave me an extra hundred as a tip and went back to his car. I remember being relieved that I wouldn't have to work again that evening. Last spring I happened to walk past a house that I had once patronized. There was a cool breeze blowing off the ocean and through the window I could see a bare leg. The girl must have been taking a break between customers. It was a strange moment for me because it reminded me of my mother and despite the fact that I was late for something already I just stayed there, loving the atmosphere of it and my memory and... the reason I'm telling you this epilogue is that I felt that I'd come full circle. +Last spring I happened to walk past a house that I had once patronized. There was a cool breeze blowing off the ocean and through the window I could see a bare leg. The girl must have been taking a break between customers. It was a strange moment for me because it reminded me of my mother and despite the fact that I was late for something already I just stayed there, loving the atmosphere of it and my memory and... the reason I'm telling you this epilogue is that I felt that I'd come full circle. Where was that house? The one in LA, I mean. +Where was that house? The one in LA, I mean. Fifth and Mayflower. You know it? +Fifth and Mayflower. You know it? Yes. One of my friends was there. I wonder if you ever clipped her. +I like it here with you. Let's stay for a while. +Let's stay for a while. OK. +I've missed the best sun. Why did you have to pawn your watch? I didn't know I'd ever need it again. +Maybe it's time I moved to a hotel. And do what... rot away in a room? We're not going to talk about that. Fuck you! I will not talk about that. You're staying here. You are not moving to a hotel. +And do what... rot away in a room? We're not going to talk about that. Fuck you! I will not talk about that. You're staying here. You are not moving to a hotel. Will you lighten up, please? +Will you lighten up, please? One thing... one thing... this is one thing you can do for me. I've given you gallons of free will here! You can do this for me. +There are limits. Yes... I guess I knew that. +I wanted to see you... Oh, Ben... you look so very sick... my love... you're so pale. +You know I love you... yeah? Yes. +Hey, Brad... how's it going? Hey Ben. There were a couple of guys looking for you. +Hey Ben. There were a couple of guys looking for you. What did they look like? +What did they look like? Suits. I didn't tell them anything. You know anything about gears? +How'd this happen? I was going real fast down on the beach and something slipped and everything got jammed up. +I was going real fast down on the beach and something slipped and everything got jammed up. The news is not good, kid. This bit here... see there... it's broken. You need a new one. +The news is not good, kid. This bit here... see there... it's broken. You need a new one. How much, do you think? +How much, do you think? I don't know. I'll find out though. +About ready for another drink? Yes, that would be great. Are you her for the convention? +Yes, that would be great. Are you her for the convention? Do I look that obvious? My name's Paul. +So... are you alone, or are you just using me to make someone else jealous? Alone. Alone. I'm here alone. +Alone. Alone. I'm here alone. Where are you staying? +Where are you staying? Right here at the hotel. Why? +Right here at the hotel. Why? Well... I thought you might be looking for a date. +Well... I thought you might be looking for a date. A date. What, are you a hooker? What do you mean a date? I've got a wife back home. I just came over to talk for a few minutes. +A date. What, are you a hooker? What do you mean a date? I've got a wife back home. I just came over to talk for a few minutes. I'm sorry, I guess I misunderstood. +Please don't raise your voice. I won't bother you about it again. Sorry. Look... you seem like a nice girl. I'm just sick of everyone in this town trying to get my money. +I don't want this. Yuri, please. I really don't want this. You know I don't like to do groups. I want this, Sera. I need this! +I want this, Sera. I need this! Please, Yuri. +You have been lonely? I've been all right. +I've been all right. I will keep you safe. We are both older. +You have been lonely? I am lonely, Yuri. +I'm pleased with you, Sera... how you have moved up in the world. I showed you a glamorous world when I took you off the streets... and how you repay me. Where have you been staying? +Where have you been staying? With an old friend. +It is, after all, Sera, my money. Yes, of course. How much do you need? +Yes, of course. How much do you need? All of it. I need to buy many things... all of it! +Where have you been? It was a slow night. I went to a hotel for a few drinks. +A full night on the street and this is all? Like I said... it was a slow night... I'm sorry. It was hard to score. +Don't hit me. What do you think... you are sixteen years old on Hollywood Boulevard? +Yes? What? It's me, Yuri. +Have you told anyone that I'm here? No. +Go, Sera. Go. Stay at home. I will call you tomorrow. Yuri... are you... +Yuri... are you... Sera... please go. +Harvard Law School? That's right. +That's right. But it's a top three school -- +But it's a top three school -- I have a 4.0. +I have a 4.0. "Yes, but your major is Fashion Merchandising. Harvard won't be impressed that you aced ""History of Lycra"". What are your backups?" +"Yes, but your major is Fashion Merchandising. Harvard won't be impressed that you aced ""History of Lycra"". What are your backups?" I don't need backups. Harvard is the school I'm going to. +Well, then. You'll need excellent recommendations from your professors, a heck of an admissions essay and at least a one-seventy-five on your LSATs. I once had to judge a Theta Chi Tighty- Whitey contest. Trust me -- I can handle anything. +What alibi? I can't tell you. +I can't tell you. You understand you're on trial for murder? +You understand you're on trial for murder? I didn't do it! I walked in, saw my husband lying on the floor, bent down to check his heart, screamed my head off and Chutney and Enrique ran inside. +I didn't do it! I walked in, saw my husband lying on the floor, bent down to check his heart, screamed my head off and Chutney and Enrique ran inside. Where they saw you standing over the body covered in his blood. +Why would I kill my husband? Insurance? A love affair? Pure unadulterated hatred? Believe me, the DA will come up with plenty of reasons. +Insurance? A love affair? Pure unadulterated hatred? Believe me, the DA will come up with plenty of reasons. I loved him! +I loved him! He was thirty-four years older than you. That doesn't sound so good to a jury. +Brooke, I believe you. But a jury is gonna want an alibi. I can't give you that. And if you put me on the stand, I'll lie. +Were you with another man? Go to hell. +Go to hell. I'll take that as a no. +I'll take that as a no. Are we done for today? +Are we done for today? I believe we are. +What're you so happy about? You're on trial for murder. Get up. +Get up. What? +What? You're fired. I have new representation. +You're fired. I have new representation. Who? +Is he always such an ass? He's the top defense attorney in the state. Of course he's an ass. +He's the top defense attorney in the state. Of course he's an ass. But is he an ass that's gonna win my case? +But is he an ass that's gonna win my case? He's an ass that's gonna try. +He's an ass that's gonna try. He thinks I'm guilty, doesn't he? +He thinks I'm guilty, doesn't he? That's not what's important. +That's not what's important. To me it is. He doesn't trust me. Why should I trust him? +I'm a Delta Gamma and I'm a huge fan of yours! You took my class in LA. You had the best high kick I've ever seen. Are you one of my lawyers? +You took my class in LA. You had the best high kick I've ever seen. Are you one of my lawyers? Sort of. +Are you okay? You look so sad... and so orange. I'm glad it's you and not Donovan. +I'm glad it's you and not Donovan. He means well. He's really brilliant and all. +Elle, I can't. You don't understand. Who could better understand than me? +It's so shameful... Whatever it is -- it could save you. +Whatever it is -- it could save you. That's just it -- it would ruin me! +That's just it -- it would ruin me! How? +I have made my fortune on my ability to teach women how to perfect their bodies with the Brooke's Butt Buster workout. I know! You helped me go from a six to a four! +No! I'm a fraud! But it's not like normal people can have this ass! If my fans knew, I'd lose everything. I've already lost my husband. I rather be in jail then lose my reputation! +I'm not having an affair with Enrique -- you know a Delta Gamma would never sleep with a man who wears a thong! I just liked watching him bend over to clean the filter -- I believe you! Don't worry. +What's going on? Enrique's gay. I'm sure of it. +Enrique's gay. I'm sure of it. He did leave a Cher tape in the pool house once -- +I got out of the shower, walked downstairs, saw her standing over my father, and called the police. Did she have a weapon in her hand? +Did she have a weapon in her hand? No. +No. Was there any reason for you to believe she had discarded a weapon? +Was there any reason for you to believe she had discarded a weapon? Uh, yeah, because the bitch shot him. +Uh, yeah, because the bitch shot him. Was there any evidence that Mrs. Windham shot him? +Was there any evidence that Mrs. Windham shot him? His dead body with a bullet in it. +Okay -- Ms. Windham, when you uh arrived back at the house? Was your father there? Not that I saw. But like I said, I went straight upstairs to take a shower. +Not that I saw. But like I said, I went straight upstairs to take a shower. And when you came downstairs, what happened? +And when you came downstairs, what happened? I saw Brooke standing over his body, drenched in his blood. +I saw Brooke standing over his body, drenched in his blood. But Mrs. Windham didn't have a gun? +But Mrs. Windham didn't have a gun? No, she'd stashed it by then. +Did you hear a shot fired? No. I was in the shower. +No. I was in the shower. So at some point in the -- twenty minutes you were in the shower, your father was shot? +So at some point in the -- twenty minutes you were in the shower, your father was shot? I guess. +But you didn't hear the shot, because you were in the shower. Yes. I was washing my hair. +Miss Windham, can you tell us what you'd been doing earlier in the day? I got up, went to Starbucks, went to the gym, got a perm, and came home. +I got up, went to Starbucks, went to the gym, got a perm, and came home. Where you got in the shower. +Where you got in the shower. Yes. +Yes, Your Honor. Had you ever gotten a perm before, Miss Windham? Yes. +How many, would you say? Two a year since I was twelve. You do the math. +Two a year since I was twelve. You do the math. You know, a girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinko, got a perm once. Even though we all told her not to. Curls really weren't the right look for her -- She didn't have your bone structure. +Chutney, why is it that Tracy Marcinko's curls were ruined when she got hosed down? Because they got wet. +Because they got wet. That's right. Because isn't the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you are forbidden to wet your hair for at least twenty-four hours after getting a perm at the risk of de-activating the ammonium thiglycolate? +And if you in fact, heard the gunshot, then Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which would mean that you would've had to have found Mrs. Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story sound plausible. Isn't that right? She's younger than I am. Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone younger than you? +She's younger than I am. Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone younger than you? You, however, had time to hide the gun, didn't you, Chutney? After you shot your father? +Dewey Newcomb? Who's askin'? +Who's askin'? I'm Elle Woods. Ms. Bonafante's attorney. +Come again? Due to the fact that you retained the residence, Ms. Bonafante is entitled to full ownership of the canine property in question and we will be enforcing said ownership immediately. +Due to the fact that you retained the residence, Ms. Bonafante is entitled to full ownership of the canine property in question and we will be enforcing said ownership immediately. Huh? +Huh? Tell him, Paulette. +All I know is -- it's not Brooke. That's touching, Elle, but we need an alibi. +Did you get it? Yes. But I can't tell you what it is. +Why the hell not? I promised her I'd keep it secret. I can't break the bonds of sisterhood! +What are you talking about? He's gay -- he isn't Brooke's lover! He's making it up. Whoever killed Heyworth is paying him off. +Good work today, Ms. Woods. Thank you! +Sit down. Is everything okay? +Is everything okay? You followed your intuition today and you were right on target. I should've listened. +You followed your intuition today and you were right on target. I should've listened. Thank you. +Thank you. About the alibi -- +I'm sorry, but -- I'm impressed that you took the initiative to go there and get it. That's what makes a good lawyer. And on top of that, you gained the client's trust and kept it. That's what makes a great lawyer. You're smart, Elle. Smarter than most of the guys I have on my payroll. +I think it's time discuss your career path. Have you thought about where you might be a summer associate? Not really. I know how competitive it all is -- +You're hitting on me? You're a beautiful girl, Elle. +You're a beautiful girl, Elle. So everything you just said -- +So everything you just said -- I'm a man who knows what I want. +You're not going up there. Yes, I am. +I do. I'm not allowing it. "But you agreed last night. In the office? When we were discussing my ""career""?" +What did you see when you entered the house? I saw Mrs. Windham standing over the body of Mr. Windham. +I saw Mrs. Windham standing over the body of Mr. Windham. Was she carrying a weapon? +Was she carrying a weapon? No, she was crying her eyes out. +So she was distraught that her husband was dead? Oh, yes. Mrs. Windham is the most sweet, wonderful woman I know. I have loved her since the day she hired me. She could never do something this awful. I know this because we are very close. +Mr. Salvatore, do you have any proof that you and Mrs. Windham were having an affair? Just the love in my heart. +What's going on? Donovan's firm is defending a major murder case and his caseload is so heavy he's taking on first year interns. +Donovan's firm is defending a major murder case and his caseload is so heavy he's taking on first year interns. He chose them already? +Why didn't you call me? What? +What? We spend a beautiful night together and then I never hear from you again? +We spend a beautiful night together and then I never hear from you again? -- uh -- +I'm sorry? For what? Breaking my heart or ruining sex for me with any other man? +For what? Breaking my heart or ruining sex for me with any other man? Uh -- both? +Uh -- both? Forget it. I've already spent too many hours crying over you. +Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Rule 3:03. See? +Yes? Aristotle. +Yes? Would you be willing to stake your life on it? +Would you be willing to stake your life on it? I think so... +I think so... How about -- +-- his life? I don't know. +I don't know. Well, I recommend knowing before speaking. The law leaves much room for interpretation -- but very little for self-doubt. +You can't even imagine. Spill. +After you went to all that trouble? Well, what am I supposed to do? He's engaged! She's got the family six- carat on her bony, unpolished finger. +Well, what am I supposed to do? He's engaged! She's got the family six- carat on her bony, unpolished finger. "You're asking the wrong girl. I'm with my guy eight years and then one day it's ""I met someone else. Move out.""" +"You're asking the wrong girl. I'm with my guy eight years and then one day it's ""I met someone else. Move out.""" What'd you do? +What'd you do? Cried a lot and gained twenty pounds. Dewey kept the trailer and my precious baby Rufus. I got jackcrap. +I didn't even get to go to his birthday party. No! +No! What could I do? He's a man who followed his pecker to greener pastures. I'm a middle- aged high-school dropout with stretch marks and a fat ass. Happens every day. At least to women like me. +What could I do? He's a man who followed his pecker to greener pastures. I'm a middle- aged high-school dropout with stretch marks and a fat ass. Happens every day. At least to women like me. That's terrible! +That's terrible! So, what's this Sarah got that you don't? Three tits? +So, what's this Sarah got that you don't? Three tits? She's from Connecticut. She belongs to his stupid country club. +She's from Connecticut. She belongs to his stupid country club. Is she as pretty as you? +Is she? She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but she's not completely unfortunate-looking. +"Could I be anymore goddamn spastic? So you're sure, this Warner guy is ""the one""?" Definitely! I love him! +You showed up Warner in class? You're supposed to be showing up Sarah. I couldn't help it! It was the most fun I've had since I've been in law school. Not only was I good enough for Warner -- I was better than him. He has to see serious I am now. Even Donovan was impressed, and he's a total hard-ass. +You ready? No. +No. Yes, you are. Go -- you can do this. +God, that felt great! Look at him. He's still scratching his head. +Look at him. He's still scratching his head. Which must be a nice vacation for his balls... +I feel so bad for her. I mean, she's in jail! And she's innocent. But I'm the only one who believes her. Donovan totally thinks she's guilty. That's because men are big, fat retards who don't -- Oh, my God... +So, this is the only interaction you two have ever had? "No. Sometimes I say ""Okay"" instead of ""Fine""." +"No. Sometimes I say ""Okay"" instead of ""Fine""." Have you ever considered asking him if he'd like a cold beverage? Or perhaps a neck massage? +Have you ever considered asking him if he'd like a cold beverage? Or perhaps a neck massage? What's the point? Look at me. +What's the point? Look at me. I am. And I'm looking at a beautiful, fabulous, sexy woman. +Good one. Trust me. You've got the equipment, you just need to read the manual. +And after they set his nose, he came back for his truck and I offered to drive for him since he was still on pain-killers and we spent the whole afternoon together! He was unconscious for part of it, but it was really fun! I'm so happy for you! +I'm so happy for you! How'd it go at the trial? +How'd it go at the trial? "Great. Donovan actually said the words ""Good work, Ms. Woods"". He takes me seriously! Can you believe it?" +"Great. Donovan actually said the words ""Good work, Ms. Woods"". He takes me seriously! Can you believe it?" Of course I can believe it. You're going to make a great lawyer. +You can't go home! What's the point of staying? All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs. No one's ever going to take me seriously. The people at law school don't, Warner doesn't -- I don't even think my parents take me seriously. They wanted me to grow up and become a Victoria's Secret model who marries a rock star. Now, for the first time, it seemed like someone expected me to do something better with my life than wear underwear for a living. But I was kidding myself -- Donovan didn't see me as a lawyer. He saw me as a piece of ass just like everyone else. It turns out, I am a joke. +I'm here to see Brooke Windham. Licensed attorney or family member? +Licensed attorney or family member? Uh -- family. +Uh -- family. Relation? +Relation? I'm her sister. +I'm her sister. Name? +Name? Delta. Gamma. +Hi. Sarah Knottingham. You know her? +Our group is full. Oh, God, was this like an RSVP thing? +The idiot speaks. Although Mr. Huntington makes an excellent point, I have to wonder if the defendant kept a thorough record of each sperm emission made throughout his life? +I believe her, too. I don't think she's having an affair with Enrique. Too bad you and I are the only ones. +Too bad you and I are the only ones. I'm still can't believe you didn't tell Donovan the alibi. +It's not my alibi to tell -- I know. I thought that was very -- classy of you. +I know. I thought that was very -- classy of you. Really? Thanks. +Warner can't even do his own laundry. I know. He has it sent out. +I know. He has it sent out. Did you know he got wait-listed when he applied? His father had to make a call. +Did you know he got wait-listed when he applied? His father had to make a call. You're kidding! +Donovan asked to see you before you leave. Really? +Really? He's already got his coffee -- maybe he needs a donut. +You almost had me fooled. What? +What? Maybe you should sleep with the judge too. Then we can win the case. +I'm a bitch. Yes, you are. +Yes, you are. And Donovan's a scumbag for coming on to you. +And Donovan's a scumbag for coming on to you. Yes, he is. +You're pawning The Rock?! Hell, yes. We've got finals to study for. In Jamaica. +Can someone please tell Rick that he is not the only Sigma Chi with a big penis? You guys are so sweet! +Why else would she have flown in from Newport? It's not like she'd Fed Ex a six carat diamond. You think? +Too demure? I think you should go with red. It's the color of confidence. +I think you should go with red. It's the color of confidence. Well, I don't want to look like I know what's coming... +What if -- you know -- it's not the night? Why else would he be taking you to The Ivy? You've been dating for a year -- it's not like he's trying to impress you. +I don't know! Everything was normal at first and then he said he needed someone more -- Serious! Serious?! Who the hell does he think he is? You're the most popular month on the USC calendar! +We still love you. Sisters forever! Thank you. I love you, too. +Honey, stop! You have to leave this room -- it's been a week. So? +Once Warner sees me as a serious law student, he'll want me back. It's a completely brilliant plan! But isn't it kind of hard to get into law school? +But isn't it kind of hard to get into law school? I have the highest GPA in Delta Gamma! +Here. You're gonna need this. Your scrunchie? +Your scrunchie? My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish. +"Elle, do you know what happened on ""Days of Our Lives"" yesterday?" Why, yes, Margot, I do. Once again, we joined Hope in the search for her identity. As you know, she's been brainwashed by the evil Stefano -- +It's Elle! Guess what I'm doing right this second? Power yoga? +Power yoga? Picking out my wedding dress! +Picking out my wedding dress! What?! +What?! Josh proposed! +Josh proposed! No way -- +Keep June first open -- you're one of my bridesmaids. And give Warner our love. I will... +Oh, how sweet! You made friends with a nerdy girl. Margot! +Speaking of which, can you please put on some party clothes? You look like someone rolled you in something sticky and dragged you through a K- Mart. I can't believe you guys are actually here -- but this case is important. I'll make it up to you after finals, okay? I -- promise. I really want to do a good job. +Hello! You're like, a lawyer. Not yet. +Do they just -- put you on the spot like that? Like, all the time? The professors? Yeah, they tend to do that. Socratic method. +The professors? Yeah, they tend to do that. Socratic method. And if you don't know the answer, they just kick you out? +You have Stromwell. Did she do that to you, too? +Did she do that to you, too? No, but she made me cry once. Not in class -- I waited until I got to my room, but yeah, she can pretty much shrivel your balls -- or you know, your whatevers. +No, but she made me cry once. Not in class -- I waited until I got to my room, but yeah, she can pretty much shrivel your balls -- or you know, your whatevers. Neat. +Neat. Don't worry. It gets better. Who else do you have? +Donovan, Royalton and Levinson. Speak up in Donovan's class. He likes people with an opinion. Sit in the back for Royalton. He tends to spit when he talks about products liability. +And make sure you read the footnotes in Levinson's class. That's where all her exam questions come from. Wow. I'm glad I met you. +Good luck. Thanks again for your help! +Don't ask. I wasn't gonna -- +Okay, if Brooke didn't kill the guy, who did? My money's on the angry daughter or the ex-wife. +Explain to me why you're so anti- Brooke. Uh, for starters, she won't give us an alibi -- +Uh, for starters, she won't give us an alibi -- Aside from that. +Aside from that. She's completely untrustworthy. +She's completely untrustworthy. Why? +Why? She married an old man, she's made a living on telling women they're too fat, she hawks her crap on the Home Shopping Network... +She married an old man, she's made a living on telling women they're too fat, she hawks her crap on the Home Shopping Network... A) He's an old man with a really big penis. B) She never told me I was fat. And C) Victoria Principal sells on that network. +A) He's an old man with a really big penis. B) She never told me I was fat. And C) Victoria Principal sells on that network. And D) Brooke is obviously hiding something. +And D) Brooke is obviously hiding something. But maybe it's not what you think. +But maybe it's not what you think. But maybe it is -- +You're kind of being a butt-head right now. How do you figure? +How do you figure? Because people aren't always what they seem to be and you refuse to see that. Have a little faith. You might be surprised. +I can't believe you called me a butthead. No one's called me a butt- head since ninth grade. Maybe not to your face... +Damn. We can't see her for an hour? No, she can't move for an hour. +Mrs. Windham Vandermark? We're here from Austen, Platt, Jaret & Donovan -- +She's not! Did your daughter ever say anything to you about Brooke and Heyworth's relationship? +How can you still believe she's innocent? You're going to trust the word of a woman who named her child after a condiment? She's ly-ing. +You're going to trust the word of a woman who named her child after a condiment? She's ly-ing. And you know this for a fact? +And you know this for a fact? Did you see the icky black color of her hair? +Did you see the icky black color of her hair? So? +So? I never trust a woman who's not blonde. Except for my friend Serena, but that's only because she's a blonde at heart. That's the whole reason I'm starting the Blonde Legal Defense Fund. +The what? "Blondes are discriminated against worldwide! Brooke's a blonde, and people are saying she's sleeping with the cheesy pool boy and shooting her husband. If she was a mousy brunette, it would be, ""Oh, the poor widow.""" +"Blondes are discriminated against worldwide! Brooke's a blonde, and people are saying she's sleeping with the cheesy pool boy and shooting her husband. If she was a mousy brunette, it would be, ""Oh, the poor widow.""" You're serious? +Okay, how would it work? It would be a full-service law firm, by and for blondes, providing positive blonde role models and community outreach in high blonde areas. I mean, think about it -- name one blonde intellectual role model. +It would be a full-service law firm, by and for blondes, providing positive blonde role models and community outreach in high blonde areas. I mean, think about it -- name one blonde intellectual role model. I can't. +I can't. That is a direct result of anti- blonde discrimination! +That is a direct result of anti- blonde discrimination! Wait -- Hilary Clinton. +Wait -- Hilary Clinton. If she were a true blonde, she would've left the cheating bastard. Blondes don't let their husbands get fellated by brunettes and live to tell about it. +In that case, maybe Heyworth got fellated by a brunette and Brooke caught him. Exactly how much gorilla sex do you think a sixty-year-old man can take? +Exactly how much gorilla sex do you think a sixty-year-old man can take? That's not really a topic that keeps me up at night -- but maybe it should. +What the hell is that for? The bags under your eyes. You're an attractive man, but you need to take better care of yourself. +The bags under your eyes. You're an attractive man, but you need to take better care of yourself. I don't -- Do that stuff. +I don't -- Do that stuff. Well, you should -- If you look good, you feel good and if you feel good, you project joy into the world. +Well, you should -- If you look good, you feel good and if you feel good, you project joy into the world. Projecting joy is not my job. +Projecting joy is not my job. Fine. Sorry I brought it up. +You really think I'm attractive? For a butt-head? Yes. +He's gay! Enrique is gay! What?! +Back up. How do you know he's gay? Gay men know designers. Straight men don't. +Hey -- I'm quitting. +Whoa -- Why? Law school was a mistake. Getting this internship was a mistake. +Law school was a mistake. Getting this internship was a mistake. What're you talking about? You earned it -- +So now you're -- ? Going back to LA. Maybe I can fulfill my destiny as a useless bimbo and join the Swedish Bikini Team. No more navy blue suits. No more panty- hose. No more trying to be something I'm not. +Going back to LA. Maybe I can fulfill my destiny as a useless bimbo and join the Swedish Bikini Team. No more navy blue suits. No more panty- hose. No more trying to be something I'm not. What if you're trying to be something you are? The hell with Donovan. Stay. +Oh, my God! Oh, my God!! +Up for a celebration dinner? Are you asking me on a date? +Are you asking me on a date? As long as you realize I'm not just some man-toy you can show off like a trophy. +As long as you realize I'm not just some man-toy you can show off like a trophy. Then, forget it. Besides, I have an early class tomorrow. +Then, forget it. Besides, I have an early class tomorrow. So Friday at eight? +Someone missed you. Is he the only one? +Is he the only one? What do you think? +But I'm not positive it's gonna happen tonight -- "Helloo... he just had lunch with his grandmother. You know he got ""The Rock""." +No -- it's just -- not me. I'm canceling the mixer. We'll blacklist Sigma Chi. +I'm canceling the mixer. We'll blacklist Sigma Chi. Thank you, Serena, but I don't think it'll do any good. +Thank you, Serena, but I don't think it'll do any good. What happened? +Oh, he is so over on this campus. I just don't understand what went wrong -- +How could this happen? I don't know! I don't know anything any more! I just need to be by myself. +I don't know! I don't know anything any more! I just need to be by myself. Are you sure? +Girls -- I'm going to Harvard! What, like on va-kay? +Calvin Klein's spring line is atrocious. Don't you agree? Absolutely! +Almost. Well, hurry up so you can come home! We miss you! +Well, hurry up so you can come home! We miss you! I miss you guys! The people here are so vile! Hardly anyone even talks to me unless it's to say something that's not nice. Law school sucks! +I miss you guys! The people here are so vile! Hardly anyone even talks to me unless it's to say something that's not nice. Law school sucks! Oh, my God! I completely forgot to tell you! +Oh, my God! I completely forgot to tell you! What? +What? I got bangs! +I got bangs! Really -- +What're you doing here?! We're on our way to the bridal show in New York so we thought we'd rescue you from law school for the night. +You guys -- I can't. We're in the middle of a trial. Where's Warner? +I wish we could stay longer, but I have a game. I can't believe you're a Laker Girl! +Neither. Why not? +Why not? I'd rather have a client who's innocent. +Yes? Ms. Woods? I changed my mind. I'd pick the dangerous one. +I did? You're applying for my internship, aren't you? +You're applying for my internship, aren't you? I don't know -- +I don't know -- You should. Do you have a resume? +You should. Do you have a resume? I do. +It's pink. And engraved... Gives it that extra little something, doesn't it? See you tomorrow! +Maiden name -- Daniels. You know her? She was a Delta Gamma! Not in my pledge class or anything -- she graduated five years ahead of me. But I used to take her class at the LA Sports Club. She's amazing! +Amazing how? She could make you drop three pounds in one class. She's completely gifted! +She could make you drop three pounds in one class. She's completely gifted! Well, in all likelihood, she's completely guilty as well. She was seen standing over her husband's dead body. +His twenty-seven year old daughter and the pool boy. Maybe she found him like that. +Maybe she found him like that. That's the story she'll be telling the jury. We just have to prove it. +You don't really believe she's innocent? Of course, I do! +Class schedule, map, book list. Has Warner Huntington checked in yet? +Has Warner Huntington checked in yet? Uh, no. Maybe you should try the Lido deck. +Wait -- my social events schedule is missing. Your what? +Your what? You know -- mixers, formals, beach trips. +You know -- mixers, formals, beach trips. There's a pizza welcome lunch in twenty minutes. Does that count? +There's a pizza welcome lunch in twenty minutes. Does that count? I guess it'll have to... +You're beautiful. So are you! +I'm fully amenable to that discussion. I mean, we're having a lot of fun now -- but things are gonna be different when I'm at Harvard. Law school is a completely different world. I need to be serious. +I mean, we're having a lot of fun now -- but things are gonna be different when I'm at Harvard. Law school is a completely different world. I need to be serious. Of course. +Of course. My family expects a lot from me. And I expect a lot from me. I plan on running for office some day. +My family expects a lot from me. And I expect a lot from me. I plan on running for office some day. And I fully support that. +And I fully support that. But the thing is, if I'm gonna be a senator by the time I'm thirty -- I can't keep dicking around. +But the thing is, if I'm gonna be a senator by the time I'm thirty -- I can't keep dicking around. I completely agree. +I completely agree. That's why I think it's time for us to -- +I'm sorry, Elle, I just -- You're breaking up with me?! I thought you were proposing. +You're breaking up with me?! I thought you were proposing. Proposing?! Elle, If I'm going to be a politician, I need to marry a Jackie, not a -- Marilyn. +Proposing?! Elle, If I'm going to be a politician, I need to marry a Jackie, not a -- Marilyn. You're breaking up with me because I'm too -- blonde? +You're breaking up with me because I'm too -- blonde? That's not entirely -- +That's not entirely -- Then what? My boobs are too big? +Then what? My boobs are too big? Elle -- no -- your boobs are fine -- +C'mon. Let me take you home. No. +No. Elle -- it's twenty miles back to campus. +Elle, believe me, I never expected to be doing this, but I think it's the right thing to do. How can it be the right thing if we're not together? +How can it be the right thing if we're not together? I have to think about my future. And what people expect from me. +I have to think about my future. And what people expect from me. So you're breaking up with me because you're afraid your family won't like me? Everybody likes me! +So you're breaking up with me because you're afraid your family won't like me? Everybody likes me! East coast people are different. +East coast people are different. Just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, all of a sudden I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner! Across the street from Aaron Spelling! I think most people would agree that's way better than a Vanderbilt -- +Just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, all of a sudden I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner! Across the street from Aaron Spelling! I think most people would agree that's way better than a Vanderbilt -- I told you, Elle. I need someone -- serious. +I told you, Elle. I need someone -- serious. I'm seriously in love with you -- Isn't that enough? +What're you talking about? You're not here to see me? No, silly. I go here. +No, silly. I go here. You go where? +You go where? Harvard. Law school. +Harvard. Law school. You got into Harvard Law? +You got into Harvard Law? What, like it's that hard? +Oops! Time for class. Meet me after? On the benches? Uh -- sure. +So -- uh -- how was your first class? Fine. Except for this horrible girl who made me look bad in front of my Civ Pro professor. But no biggie. You're here now. How was your summer? +Good. Good. Do anything exciting? +I'm sorry, I just hallucinated. Sarah was my girlfriend at prep school. We got back together over the summer at my grandmother's birthday party. +Wow. You're a walking felony. Thank you. Having fun? +Thank you. Having fun? Now I am. +Now I am. I feel like we've barely spent any time together since we got here. +I feel like we've barely spent any time together since we got here. That's because I spend all my time with case studies and hypos. +That's because I spend all my time with case studies and hypos. Tell me about it. I can't imagine doing all this and Donovan's internship next year. +Tell me about it. I can't imagine doing all this and Donovan's internship next year. Elle, c'mon, there's no way you'll get the grades to qualify for one of those spots. You're not smart enough. +I didn't mean -- Am I on glue, or did I not get into the same law school you did, Warner? +Am I on glue, or did I not get into the same law school you did, Warner? Well, yeah, but -- +Well, yeah, but -- But what? We took the same LSAT, we take the same classes -- +But what? We took the same LSAT, we take the same classes -- I just don't want to see you get your hopes up. You know how you get. +You look -- nice. Thank you. +If you tell him, you'll probably make summer associate. Who cares about Brooke? Think about yourself. I gave her my word, Warner. +Pink ones. See? +Thanks for the backup. How was I supposed to know what kind of shoes you had on? +It made me realize something. I'm an idiot. Really? +In court. On opposing sides. Are you serious? +Are you serious? Huh. Imagine that. Looks like I am. +Did you ever take Mrs. Windham on a date? Yes. +Yes. Where? +Where? A restaurant in Oakland. Where no one would recognize us. +A restaurant in Oakland. Where no one would recognize us. And how long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham? +And how long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham? Three months. +Three months. And what is your boyfriend's name? +And what is your boyfriend's name? Chuck. +She's naked. I'm covered in very expensive Egyptian mud -- hardly naked. +So, I hear the tart from California shot Heyworth. Well, that's what we're trying to prove didn't happen. Do you have any reason to believe it did? +Well, that's what we're trying to prove didn't happen. Do you have any reason to believe it did? I never met the woman, but from what my daughter tells me, she's quite the cun -- +Aside from the fact that he found her on an infomercial? She said they humped like gorillas. Chutney could hear them all the way in the pool house. I' m sure that was very awkward for Chutney. Much as it is for me, hearing you tell about it. +I' m sure that was very awkward for Chutney. Much as it is for me, hearing you tell about it. But I guess it wasn't enough for Brooke. +But I guess it wasn't enough for Brooke. Why do you say that? +Why do you say that? Haven't you seen the cabana boy? +Hovering? I didn't stick around long enough to watch him stick his swizzle stick in her mouth, but I'd bet my next check that that's where he was about to put it. +Elle? Where's the Rock? +Is it a Kappa? It's not a Theta -- +Oh, God. What if Josh doesn't think I'm serious enough? Helloo... you let him have anal sex with you. Helloo... you let him videotape you diddling yourself. +Helloo... you let him have anal sex with you. Helloo... you let him videotape you diddling yourself. You're right. Phew! +What's the thing that always makes us feel better, no matter what? Cunnilingus? +Let's all go! Road trip! Wait -- Cecil has a condo in Tahoe. Let's go there! +Why?! I mean, I know you're upset and all, but can't you just take a sedative? +You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a hand-job after the final. Yeah, luckily. +There he is! Pull up next to him! +Why so few? Faith. +Fool's magic. Precisely. Faith has persuaded them a pygmie with a sling can kill an armed giant. +Fight's over before it's begun... soon the survivors will be in full retreat. Then we smash 'em? +Then we smash 'em? Anything left for smashing you may happily smash. +You go? Not watch fun? I have something far more pleasant awaiting me. +We come watch... we come watch... Nay. This is a private affair, no audience welcome... Better you watch the dismantling of our enemies... and, look you, see the moat is set aflame. +Nay. This is a private affair, no audience welcome... Better you watch the dismantling of our enemies... and, look you, see the moat is set aflame. Fire moat... why do that? +Fire moat... why do that? Purely a precaution... +What? Delusion... a kind of magic which works against the magician. +Dumb magic. Giant smash peewee. Always. +Always. We go out, smash 'em now? +We go out, smash 'em now? No. Smashing is not required. I have a surprise for our tiny invaders... Raise that hatch! +Birdies... pretty... I doubt the faeries will admire their beauty... Come, this will be fun to watch. +We watch... good fun... Indeed, the best of fun... Enjoy yourselves. +More fun win battle? This is another victory, my friends. What began with the lash shall be concluded with a caress. +This is another victory, my friends. What began with the lash shall be concluded with a caress. You go to lady now? +You go to lady now? To finish last evening's delightful work. +My generosity is not so large as that. What do you want with me? +What do you want with me? Your love. +Your love. Your words sting more sharply than your whip. +Your words sting more sharply than your whip. I speak of love, and you think only of the lash. +I speak of love, and you think only of the lash. You are cruel! Your heartless jesting worse than torture! How can you speak of love when you see what I am! +You are cruel! Your heartless jesting worse than torture! How can you speak of love when you see what I am! I like well what I see. It pleases me. +I like well what I see. It pleases me. But I'm hideous! +But I'm hideous! You're magnificent. +You're magnificent. Grotesque... monstrous... +Grotesque... monstrous... On the contrary! The puling, pallid creature you were before was truly something disgusting. Now you are splendid... a fierce goddess... the embodiment of all that is strong and beautiful. +On the contrary! The puling, pallid creature you were before was truly something disgusting. Now you are splendid... a fierce goddess... the embodiment of all that is strong and beautiful. You lie! You wish to humiliate me, as if the form I'm forced to bear were not punishment enough! +You lie! You wish to humiliate me, as if the form I'm forced to bear were not punishment enough! You should glory in your animal nature. It is your triumph! None know that better than I! +God protect me. Not from me, surely... +Not from me, surely... You... you're a beast! +You... you're a beast! We're all of us beasts, my dear. Only most are afraid to show it. +We're all of us beasts, my dear. Only most are afraid to show it. And you... are you not also afraid? +And you... are you not also afraid? I am afraid of nothing. +I am afraid of nothing. Then why hide behind a mask? You are ashamed! +Then why hide behind a mask? You are ashamed! I know no more of shame than I do of fear. I wear this mask not for concealment but protection. +I know no more of shame than I do of fear. I wear this mask not for concealment but protection. Protection? +Protection? I am a creature of darkness. I require the shadow's solace and the black of night... Sunlight is abhorrent to me... I cover myself completely whenever I venture forth in daylight... Sunshine is my destroyer. +I am a creature of darkness. I require the shadow's solace and the black of night... Sunlight is abhorrent to me... I cover myself completely whenever I venture forth in daylight... Sunshine is my destroyer. Like some vile toadstool. +Like some vile toadstool. I prefer to think, more like the sagacious owl. +I prefer to think, more like the sagacious owl. Do you feed on mice and rats? +Do you feed on mice and rats? I prefer a plump capon, but will happily serve you rats if they're to your liking. +I prefer a plump capon, but will happily serve you rats if they're to your liking. Why have you brought me here? +Why have you brought me here? To be my bride, of course. +To be my bride, of course. I'd soon die. +Damn you! We're both of us damned, my beauty. +When the time's come, you won't need to jump, I'll throw you out myself! Do it now! +Do it now! No. Now is the time for discipline. Some lessons in obedience for the future Baroness. +Jack... Oh, Jack... Help me... Too bad your precious Jack can't hear you... the damsel in distress... A rescue attempt would be most amusing... We could flay sweet Jack alive as an after-dinner entertainment... +Your moans seem almost pleasurable, my dear... developing a taste for the lash? Kill me... I want... so nice... +Kill me... I want... so nice... Why should I kill you? A simple course in etiquette... something your parents sadly overlooked. +No more... please... I can keep a victim alive for weeks... months, if I desire it... it's an art. They beg for death... I keep it just out of their reach. The pain remains constant. +I can keep a victim alive for weeks... months, if I desire it... it's an art. They beg for death... I keep it just out of their reach. The pain remains constant. Don't please... I'll do what you desire... +Sweet Princess, you begin to sound most reasonable. What do you want from me? +What do you want from me? At the moment, very little. Your company at my table... +We'll get you cleaned up, find a suitable gown... I imagine you'll enjoy a good meal? Oh, yes... +Oh, yes... A few day's nourishment will see your strength returning. +A few day's nourishment will see your strength returning. And then? +And then? Yes? +Yes? What will become of me then? +What will become of me then? When you are ripe for my pleasure, I will enjoy the harvest. +When you are ripe for my pleasure, I will enjoy the harvest. I see... +I see... I'm pleased you're not troubled by the prospect... +I'm pleased you're not troubled by the prospect... Do as you wish with my body, you'll never possess my soul! +Do as you wish with my body, you'll never possess my soul! Your soul...? Why should I bother with such a paltry trifle? +Your soul...? Why should I bother with such a paltry trifle? I don't expect you'd understand. +I don't expect you'd understand. My dear Princess, the human soul is a highly elusive commodity. I suggest you spend some hours before the glass. Contemplate your intriguing reflection and consider whether such a creature as yourself could possibly possess something as fine and beautiful as a soul. +You're a beast! Indeed I am, my dear... that makes us a pair! +What was that? Did you hear that? It's nothing. My men take great delight in routing the enemy. Don't trouble yourself, beauty. +It's nothing. My men take great delight in routing the enemy. Don't trouble yourself, beauty. It sounded like it came from the courtyard. +It sounded like it came from the courtyard. From the parapets most likely. The men are amused by a battlefield entertainment of my own contriving. +From the parapets most likely. The men are amused by a battlefield entertainment of my own contriving. Might we watch, too? +Might we watch, too? Later, beloved... Now I wish only to be with you... +And I with you... I never dreamed life held such pleasures... Pleasure is for those who seize it! Do you think those insipid, pale- skinned mortals will ever know such rapture? +Pleasure is for those who seize it! Do you think those insipid, pale- skinned mortals will ever know such rapture? It's odd... when I first found myself... changing... I was sick with loathing and disgust. I thought I was so ugly I wanted to die... +It's odd... when I first found myself... changing... I was sick with loathing and disgust. I thought I was so ugly I wanted to die... And, now? +And, now? Now I want to live forever. I've never felt so strong or happy. +Now I want to live forever. I've never felt so strong or happy. Or looked so beautiful... +Or looked so beautiful... Yes. I feel that, too. Weakness is what is ugly. +Yes. I feel that, too. Weakness is what is ugly. Precisely, my darling. Your animal strength, your primitive power has surfaced... you are what you desire. +Precisely, my darling. Your animal strength, your primitive power has surfaced... you are what you desire. To be strong and free... that is all I desire. +To be strong and free... that is all I desire. So you shall be... Like our brothers, the hawk and the wolf, our spirits know no master... we are created in the pure image of the savage God that set our turbulent universe in motion. +What you do, boy? You be velly solly, come here intellupt my sleep. I didn't know... I -- +I didn't know... I -- What? Speakee loud! No hear velly good. +What? Speakee loud! No hear velly good. I said, I mean no harm... I thought this as empty tomb. +I said, I mean no harm... I thought this as empty tomb. You come stealee tleasoo? +You come stealee tleasoo? Oh, no, never... nothing like that... never crossed my mind. +Oh, no, never... nothing like that... never crossed my mind. No need lie, boy. I no hurt you. Do I look like I wanna hurt you? +No need lie, boy. I no hurt you. Do I look like I wanna hurt you? Well, er... no. I mean, you don't look like dragons I've heard of. +Well, er... no. I mean, you don't look like dragons I've heard of. Course not. I no flum here. I come flum Cathay. +Course not. I no flum here. I come flum Cathay. Cathay? +Cathay? Country fa' fa' away. To the East, beyond the lising sun... +Country fa' fa' away. To the East, beyond the lising sun... East of Mercia? +East of Mercia? You got no idee. People there lookee diffelent; speakee diffelent. Nothing the same. In my countlee I bling good luck. Makee lain and thunder. +You got no idee. People there lookee diffelent; speakee diffelent. Nothing the same. In my countlee I bling good luck. Makee lain and thunder. You don't ravage the countryside, devouring maidens and burning the crops? +You don't ravage the countryside, devouring maidens and burning the crops? Dlagon not like that. Dlagon is spilit of life... spilit of stlength and goodness. +Dlagon not like that. Dlagon is spilit of life... spilit of stlength and goodness. Then you'll understand my quest. An ogre named Blackheart has killed the last stag unicorn and stolen his horn. The world outside is cursed, plunged into eternal winter. Unless I return the alicorn, the earth will be frozen forever. +Then you'll understand my quest. An ogre named Blackheart has killed the last stag unicorn and stolen his horn. The world outside is cursed, plunged into eternal winter. Unless I return the alicorn, the earth will be frozen forever. Flozen foleva not good. +Flozen foleva not good. It's terrible. +It's terrible. An' how you do it? How you rift cuss? +An' how you do it? How you rift cuss? I need your help. In order to fight Blackheart, I must wear the armor of Achilles. I -- +I need your help. In order to fight Blackheart, I must wear the armor of Achilles. I -- You come stealee tleasoo? +You come stealee tleasoo? Oh no... Don't you understand? +No, wait... please... listen... No more listening! Your time is at an end, insignificant whelp! +Friend Ogg. Excuse our enthusiasm, occasioned as it was by a fondness for you. Honeythorn Gump, is it? I've not seen your ugly face since you sold me a jug of cow piss claiming it was dragon's tears. +Honeythorn Gump, is it? I've not seen your ugly face since you sold me a jug of cow piss claiming it was dragon's tears. Well, bygones're bygones, I always say. +Well, bygones're bygones, I always say. Or was it the time you and Jimmy Squarefoot stole the golden apples I'd forged. +Or was it the time you and Jimmy Squarefoot stole the golden apples I'd forged. Twas Jimmy done that, I merely stood for the blame unfairly... but, here now, Ogg, this be no time to rehash old differences, I've friends along in need of safe haven for the night. +Twas Jimmy done that, I merely stood for the blame unfairly... but, here now, Ogg, this be no time to rehash old differences, I've friends along in need of safe haven for the night. Who might these friends be? +Who might these friends be? Screwball you know, and many other of the wee folk. We serve as escort for our grand champion, Jack o' the Green. +Baron Couer de Noir is a blight 'gainst all nature. We dwarves be not fighters; still we are with you in this battle. Some of our handiwork may be of assistance. We be honored, friend Ogg. +We be honored, friend Ogg. There's a coil of golden thread fine as spider web yet naught can break it... and a silver key no lock can resist. +So, Jack... think you be a Green Man and not know Gump. Gump, is it? +Gump, is it? Aye, Honeythorn Gump, come to serenade you, Jack... come to make you dance. +Aye, Honeythorn Gump, come to serenade you, Jack... come to make you dance. I'm in no mood for dancing. +I'm in no mood for dancing. Oh, but you will be, Jack... Think you to sleep in a faerie ring and not spend the night a-dancing? +Oh, but you will be, Jack... Think you to sleep in a faerie ring and not spend the night a-dancing? Faerie ring? +Faerie ring? To be sure. +No! Tis not the time! I want no part of your frolic. Dance, Jack! The night's but begun. +Enough! And how is it a mortal dare dictate to the faerie folk? Is me music not to your liking? Mayhap the dance of death by more your pleasure. +And how is it a mortal dare dictate to the faerie folk? Is me music not to your liking? Mayhap the dance of death by more your pleasure. No... I... I need to rest. +No... I... I need to rest. You'll have a long, long rest in the tomb, me lad. +You'll have a long, long rest in the tomb, me lad. I meant no disrespect. +I meant no disrespect. Didn't you now? Well then, answer me this riddle and all be forgiven. +Didn't you now? Well then, answer me this riddle and all be forgiven. And if I cannot? +And if I cannot? Why, Jack, then tis your death song I'll be strumming. +It's bluebells! What! +What! The flower. Bluebells. To hear them ringing means your life's at an end. +Damnation! Codfish and cockles! Gammon and trotters! You've bested me, Jack. A riddle without an answer is but an empty cup when you're thirsty for wine. +A riddle without an answer is but an empty cup when you're thirsty for wine. Well spoke. True to the mark. And if it's wine you're wanting, it's wine we shall have. +You be our guest, Jack. I'm honored, Honeythorn Gump... but no more tricks. +I'm honored, Honeythorn Gump... but no more tricks. You have me word, lad. To answer a faerie riddle deserves as much. +You have me word, lad. To answer a faerie riddle deserves as much. Twas the Princess Lili gave me the answer... have you seen her, by chance? +Twas the Princess Lili gave me the answer... have you seen her, by chance? I've laid eyes on no mortal but you this day, Jack. +I've laid eyes on no mortal but you this day, Jack. I fear she's lost. +I fear she's lost. Mayhap you be the one what's lost, and she safe by the castle hearth... but, come Jack, we'll warm your bones. +Why, Jack-lad, she likes you, is all. And what hot-blooded hero wouldn't welcome the affections of a fair nymph like Oona here...? If your blood runs so cold, boy, you be a corpse before your time. What does she want from me? +Elderberry wine. No finer drink under heaven. It looks... er, delicious... Such a fine bouquet... very aromatic... +It looks... er, delicious... Such a fine bouquet... very aromatic... Are ye afraid of me wine? Did your momma tell ye never to take food nor drink from the Wee Folk? Think if ye sup with the faeries you'll be enchanted? +Are ye afraid of me wine? Did your momma tell ye never to take food nor drink from the Wee Folk? Think if ye sup with the faeries you'll be enchanted? Well... I... I don't want to be rude, but... it's generally known that -- +Well... I... I don't want to be rude, but... it's generally known that -- Generally known! What general ever knew more than to lace up his boots? +Generally known! What general ever knew more than to lace up his boots? Please don't misunderstand. I am grateful for your hospitality and -- +Please don't misunderstand. I am grateful for your hospitality and -- He is afraid of enchantment! Will you listen to the fool prattle on. +But... but, why? Big question that, lad. Why what? +Big question that, lad. Why what? Why has this happened to the world? Why is it winter now, and dark? +Why has this happened to the world? Why is it winter now, and dark? Aye. Honeythorn Gump'd be a powerful wizard indeed could he answer. +Aye. Honeythorn Gump'd be a powerful wizard indeed could he answer. Don't you know? +Don't you know? If you're looking for enchantment, Jack, that I can give thee... +That much magic I can offer ye, a small measure of entertainment at best. Making the world a frozen hell is beyond me modest powers. Then, what's gone wrong? Why did it happen? +Then, what's gone wrong? Why did it happen? If ye want more tricks, I'm your man, but for big questions ye must go elsewhere. +If ye want more tricks, I'm your man, but for big questions ye must go elsewhere. Don't you care about what's happened? +Don't you care about what's happened? Course we care. What good's the world locked in a season of death. Frozen up, no folks to scare out of their wits on a summer's night; no babies to tickle; no more spells to cast... Think that's an enjoyable prospect? +Course we care. What good's the world locked in a season of death. Frozen up, no folks to scare out of their wits on a summer's night; no babies to tickle; no more spells to cast... Think that's an enjoyable prospect? There must be an answer somewhere. +There must be an answer somewhere. True... But it won't come easy or free. If ye want to ask, ask Jenny Greenteeth. +True... But it won't come easy or free. If ye want to ask, ask Jenny Greenteeth. Jenny Greenteeth? Who's she? +Someone worthy of respect, lad. She be a water spirit, lives in a bog down at sea-side. Hideous creature to look at, even by my doubtful standards; devours little children, she does, when she can catch them. How is it this hag knows the truth? +How is it this hag knows the truth? Think there be truth only in beauty, lad? If you've the courage to ask and take care to avoid her terrible claws, Jenny Greenteeth has the answers you seek. +Think there be truth only in beauty, lad? If you've the courage to ask and take care to avoid her terrible claws, Jenny Greenteeth has the answers you seek. Will you lead me to her? +Will you lead me to her? Aye. On the morrow we go, but tonight... ... tonight is for making merry. +Are we here? Aye. That foul wallow be where Jenny Greenteeth dwells. Oona... lure her out. Play the part of a girl-child. +Aye. That foul wallow be where Jenny Greenteeth dwells. Oona... lure her out. Play the part of a girl-child. What do I do? +What do I do? Don't get caught, that's what! She'll suck your bones like honey- comb. +Here now. Toss her this when you've the chance. Jenny Greenteeth can't resist the sight of herself in a glass. She's terribly vain. Praise her beauty and you'll lull her sweet as a babe in a cradle. And if she thinks me a liar? +And if she thinks me a liar? Fie on what she thinks! You mind her claws and teeth... Cast your spell, Oona. +The princess is dead. Lamentable news, Jack... but tis the fate of the living concerns us now. +Lamentable news, Jack... but tis the fate of the living concerns us now. Did you hear? Twas the killing of the unicorn caused it. +Did you hear? Twas the killing of the unicorn caused it. Aye. Black Baron's mischief. +Aye. Black Baron's mischief. If the horn be restored the curse is ended. +If the horn be restored the curse is ended. Time for a champion. Can you do more than pick acorns and rob bird's nests, Jack? +Time for a champion. Can you do more than pick acorns and rob bird's nests, Jack? I'll do what I have to do, for Princess Lili's sake! +I'll do what I have to do, for Princess Lili's sake! Bravely spoke. You've the heart of a champion, true enough. +Bravely spoke. You've the heart of a champion, true enough. Twill take more than heart. Where do we find the armor of Achilles, for a start? +Twill take more than heart. Where do we find the armor of Achilles, for a start? I know where to find it. Taking possession be another matter. +There it be, lad. The Lindfarne Mound. Kings long forgotten lie there, lost in their final sleep. Have we turned grave-robber, then? +Have we turned grave-robber, then? A tomb it once was, boy, and a tomb it may yet be... There's another in residence at Lindfarne now. +A tomb it once was, boy, and a tomb it may yet be... There's another in residence at Lindfarne now. And who might that be? +And who might that be? No less a creature than the Lindfarne Worm. +So I'm to be a dragon-slayer, is that it? Now, Jack-lad, no one's asking ye to skewer the worm. Even St. Michael'd have a job on his hands for all that. But the serpent hoards a pile of booty, Achilles' armor among his treasures... if we find our way within the mound and him asleep... +Now, Jack-lad, no one's asking ye to skewer the worm. Even St. Michael'd have a job on his hands for all that. But the serpent hoards a pile of booty, Achilles' armor among his treasures... if we find our way within the mound and him asleep... Knaves and robbers... +Better pray the worm's a sound sleeper, Jack. You do the praying. I've work ahead. +You do the praying. I've work ahead. There's the spirit, lad. If ye run into trouble, give a yank here and we'll haul ye up. +There's the spirit, lad. If ye run into trouble, give a yank here and we'll haul ye up. What's left of me... How do I recognize the armor of Achilles? +What's left of me... How do I recognize the armor of Achilles? You'll know it when you see it... tis a splendid sight, all covered with gold... Don't fear making noise. Dragons be deaf as tree stumps. +There be no finer victuals than worm flesh, lad. Better we eat him than the other way round. +By the grace of God. No false modesty, lad. You're a proper champion. Achilles' armor sits on you like it was forged to fit. +I believe this is a sword such as the archangels wield. Surely St. Michael had so fine a blade when he drove the serpent from heaven. Well then, you've got the sword and you've got the armor; all's lacking is the steed. +Shhhh! Screwball! You dolt! I've a mind to change you into a toad. +What is it? Something's coming. +Pregnant, is she? It would appear so. +Damn them! Careful, lad. +Don't see why I can't ride, too! I'm second in command, damn it! The colt's still too small. +The colt's still too small. I'm small... and I can make myself smaller still... Small as a bee! Small as dust...! Want to see me do it? +I'm small... and I can make myself smaller still... Small as a bee! Small as dust...! Want to see me do it? We've no time for tricks this day, Honeythorn Gump. +We've no time for tricks this day, Honeythorn Gump. Tricks, is it? Why I'll trick ye! Ungrateful whelp! I'll sour your milk and bird droppings'll fall from the sky wherever ye walk. +Tricks, is it? Why I'll trick ye! Ungrateful whelp! I'll sour your milk and bird droppings'll fall from the sky wherever ye walk. Save your mischief for the Black Baron. +Save your mischief for the Black Baron. Aye! That too. +Aye! That too. You'll need more than bird droppings for Blackheart. +You'll need more than bird droppings for Blackheart. I'll drop a cow on the knave! +I'll drop a cow on the knave! Drop a mountain on him and we won't need our troops. +Fine-looking army. We march on Castle Couer de Noir within the hour. +We march on Castle Couer de Noir within the hour. How do you plan on finding this here castle, if ye don't mind me asking? +How do you plan on finding this here castle, if ye don't mind me asking? A true and troubling question, Gump... We'll start from where the unicorn was killed. The Baron must have left a trail. +A true and troubling question, Gump... We'll start from where the unicorn was killed. The Baron must have left a trail. Track the demon to his lair. +Track the demon to his lair. Aye. And hang his foul hide up like dirty laundry for the drying. +We must follow that bird. Whatever for? +Whatever for? "Jenny Greenteeth said: ""Follow the raven in her flight...""" +"Jenny Greenteeth said: ""Follow the raven in her flight...""" Aye. Said to follow it to the edge of night. But is this the right bird? +Aye. Said to follow it to the edge of night. But is this the right bird? I'm sure. It spoke to me. +I'm sure. It spoke to me. Birds speak to me all the time. What did it say? +Birds speak to me all the time. What did it say? Beware. +Beware. Sounds like the bird we want. All right lads, follow yon raven! +How do we follow a raven we can't even see? Send Oona up above the tree tops. She be our eyes. +Send Oona up above the tree tops. She be our eyes. Good plan that. +This is ogre's magic. Blackheart? +Blackheart? Aye. He's enchanted the lot of them. His reward for delivering the unicorn. +Aye. He's enchanted the lot of them. His reward for delivering the unicorn. Foul fellow, this Couer de Noir. +Foul fellow, this Couer de Noir. The foulest. Mayhap I can cut them free. +The foulest. Mayhap I can cut them free. Jack, don't! +Worse than the battlefield. What know you of fields of war? +What know you of fields of war? Ofttimes, the wee folk come out to tend the wounded... staunch bleeding with cobwebs... give a parched mouth a sip of dew... cool a fevered brow... +There... it seems to quit... I'll wager that war held other attractions quite apart from nursing. Well... if the knight be already dead; what harm is there in... borrowing a thing or two? +Well... if the knight be already dead; what harm is there in... borrowing a thing or two? Stealing his arms? +Oona tells me the raven has roosted for the night on a sharp stone spire some half a mile distance. That would be Devil's Needle. Last landmark I know in these woods. +Good. Beyond Devil's Needle, all is unknown. +Twould appear other travelers precede us. Nay, Jack, tis not what you're thinking. +Nay, Jack, tis not what you're thinking. I trust our own welcome will be more hospitable. +I trust our own welcome will be more hospitable. Jack, Jack, it's dwarves live here. Hard-working chaps. Hammering in the forge all the live-long day. Make the most wondrous things, they do. +And this? Some of their handiwork? Nay. That's but to distract the casual visitor. A dwarf is too busy to suffer fools gladly. +Nay. That's but to distract the casual visitor. A dwarf is too busy to suffer fools gladly. Better to kill than be disturbed. +Better to kill than be disturbed. Your imagination runs away with you, Jack... Those bones be but battlefield gleanings, like I mentioned. A wee bit of carrion to frighten off the uninvited. +Your imagination runs away with you, Jack... Those bones be but battlefield gleanings, like I mentioned. A wee bit of carrion to frighten off the uninvited. Here is a bold champion's reward; to serve as a dwarf's doorstop. +Nice piece of work. Pure gold it is... plays a different note every time. +My God! Look! Something the matter? +Something the matter? Ogg's footprints! +Shhh! Not so loud, mayhap he'll hear ye. Dwarves be very sensitive about their feet. +Dwarves be very sensitive about their feet. Certainly understandable. +Certainly understandable. Very secretive, they are. Keep their feet covered up. Best if you don't mention it. +I should hope not! Gump, you're putting words in my mouth. +I pray always to be worthy of it. Stoutly spoke, lad. These dwarves be sore grouches... Pay no heed to their spiteful grumbling. +Don't let this talk of heroes upset you, Jack. Sigurd's sword is no great thing. The Volsung killed Fafnir. You killed Lindfarne. That's one worm apiece... I'd say you and Sigurd were neck-and-neck. We're not in a tournament, Gump. Ah, but a sword twice tempered in the blood of living dragons... +We're not in a tournament, Gump. Ah, but a sword twice tempered in the blood of living dragons... Tis not the sword that counts, but the man what swings it. Rest easy, Jack. +Tis not the sword that counts, but the man what swings it. Rest easy, Jack. God protect you, Honeythorn Gump. +God protect you, Honeythorn Gump. Your strong right arm's all the protection I'll need this night. +Make haste! We've a hard day's march ahead. Be gentle with them, Jack. They only march to please you. Were this a faerie journey, we'd ride the wind on thistledown and ragwort stems. +... this rate... we'll all be in our graves... 'fore we reach the Baron's fortress... We'll surely be in our graves if we don't. +We'll surely be in our graves if we don't. Going grows slower... we've not made... half a mile in two hours... +God's blessing. There's the way, mates. +What make ye of that, Jack? It bodes evil. +Wait! Willful creature, that one... +Archers! Bring down that spider! I'll deal with this other creature... Stay on your guard, Jack. The bug is enchanted surely. +Is she... dead? No, thank the Lord, but she be sore envenomed by the spider's bite. +No, thank the Lord, but she be sore envenomed by the spider's bite. We're blind now. Oona was our eyes and ears. How do we find the Castle Couer de Noir without her? +We're blind now. Oona was our eyes and ears. How do we find the Castle Couer de Noir without her? We'll find it. +We'll find it. Easily said... the raven passed this way hours ago. +Easily said... the raven passed this way hours ago. Heading true north. We continue in that direction. +Heading true north. We continue in that direction. Never knowing when it takes a turn or changes course. +Never knowing when it takes a turn or changes course. We'll trust in faith, Gump. +We'll trust in faith, Gump. Aye, lad... we've little else to go by. +Why not admit it, Honeythorn Gump. We've lost our way entirely. Long as we don't lose heart, Jack... +Long as we don't lose heart, Jack... We'll never find the Baron's castle. +We'll never find the Baron's castle. Once you thought we'd never find the Greek's armor and look at ye now, decked out like a proper hero. +Wait, Jack. Nay. This time we strike first! +Hold, Jack! Don't strike! Nay. I show no pity to imps and fiends. +Nay. I show no pity to imps and fiends. I know the rogue, Jack. Tis Jimmy Squarefoot. +Aye. We be on a quest to set the world aright -- But seem to have gotten lost on the way. +Can we trust him? No... but what choice have we? +Never felt so cold in all me born days... The chill is worse this night. +Don't like the feel of it, Jack. It's your own fear troubles you... We're here, aren't we? For all the dark magic protecting it. +Give in to despair and all is lost. It feels wrong, Jack... like a trap. +It feels wrong, Jack... like a trap. There's more than one way to spring a trap. +There's more than one way to spring a trap. Aye, so long as you're not too greedy for the bait. +That be so, better you pinch yourself now, Jack. On the morrow I'll be awake enough to see if dreams come true. +On the morrow I'll be awake enough to see if dreams come true. Pray they don't turn out to be nightmares. +Tells you something 'bout him what lives there... We'll need more siege machinery and longer scaling ladders. +We'll need more siege machinery and longer scaling ladders. Why not mine the damned walls? +Why not mine the damned walls? We do both. Our frontal attack a diversion whilst we drive a tunnel under... +A fine mess this is... horrid, nipping creatures... What do we now, Jack? Defend ourselves. We've bested far worse already. +Defend ourselves. We've bested far worse already. Easily spoken... +Easily spoken... Don't loose heart... Assemble the archers. Have everyone not holding a shield man a bow. Shoot the damned things as they fly. +Don't loose heart... Assemble the archers. Have everyone not holding a shield man a bow. Shoot the damned things as they fly. There aren't enough arrows. +There aren't enough arrows. Never mind. Just do it! Retrieve the arrows somehow. +Water doesn't burn... And frog don't fly and bite like tomcats. It be magic, Jack... powerful ogre's magic. +And frog don't fly and bite like tomcats. It be magic, Jack... powerful ogre's magic. There isn't much time! +There isn't much time! Been telling you that all along, lad. +Been telling you that all along, lad. What magic have we on our side? +What magic have we on our side? Faerie magic's no match for a sorcerer's power... We have Ogg's gifts, the key and the -- +Faerie magic's no match for a sorcerer's power... We have Ogg's gifts, the key and the -- That's it! The unbreakable line! We'll tie it to an arrow and fire it up into the timbers above the portculis... then, I'll climb up and chop down the drawbridge. +That's it! The unbreakable line! We'll tie it to an arrow and fire it up into the timbers above the portculis... then, I'll climb up and chop down the drawbridge. Will you chance a miss? +Will you chance a miss? There must be some way to get it up there. +One more turn... That's it! +Have the engineers corrected for alignment and trajectory? Aye. Before the wee pesties attacked. +Aye. Before the wee pesties attacked. Then it's Godspeed, Screwball. +Then it's Godspeed, Screwball. Fire away! +He'll be atop the portculis ere long. Best get down close to the moat, lad. +Best get down close to the moat, lad. Aye. We're good as inside. +Aye. We're good as inside. It's what we'll find there worries me. +Jack! The courtyard's been taken... The Baron's forces are besieged in the south tower. No sign of... Jack? Do you hear what I'm saying? We've won, lad. It doesn't matter. +It doesn't matter. Nonsense! Course it matters. +Nonsense! Course it matters. ... the Princess Lili... I've killed her. +She's sore hurt, Jack, tis true, but not dead yet. The wound is mortal. +The wound is mortal. Nay. You've not reckoned with the powers of faerie medicine. +Nay. You've not reckoned with the powers of faerie medicine. Can you save her? +Can you save her? Easily... The question is, can we save ourselves? Be a shame to win the battle only to lose the war. +Easily... The question is, can we save ourselves? Be a shame to win the battle only to lose the war. I don't... understand. +I don't... understand. The alicorn, lad. Come to your senses! Unless we find Baron Couer de Noir and bring back the horn the world is doomed. +The Baron hides in the dark in a passage under the Castle... Quick, give me the dwarf's key... the one which opens any lock... In the dark, lad? Why should he do that? +In the dark, lad? Why should he do that? Because sunlight will kill him. Quickly now, give me the key. +Because sunlight will kill him. Quickly now, give me the key. Sunlight, you say? +Sunlight, you say? Aye. Hurry now, Gump, the key! +Aye. Hurry now, Gump, the key! Mean you to seek him out below? +Mean you to seek him out below? I'm not afraid of the dark. +I'm not afraid of the dark. I admire your valor, Jack. By all means, seek him out... But first, we needs visit the kitchen. +The kitchen be the most important room in a palace, for if the victuals ain't right, little else is likely to be so. Did you bring me here to sup? +Did you bring me here to sup? Nay, lad, we're here to collect a weapon you'll need fighting the Baron. +Nay, lad, we're here to collect a weapon you'll need fighting the Baron. What weapon? +What weapon? Sunlight. +Sunlight. Plan on carrying some away in a kettle? +Plan on carrying some away in a kettle? Easier than that, Jack. Screwball! Fetch me down a couple of them plates. +Will you explain what's going on? Patience, lad. +Hey! Stop it! I can't see. Ah, but you will. And so will the Baron, when we bring a little light to his dark hideaway. +Can't we move any faster? Tis a delicate operation, lad. Requires a bit of engineering... Next! +Seems to be some sort of vaulted chamber up ahead... Don't get too far! +Don't get too far! Hurry up! +He's getting away! He was at my mercy! Never show mercy! +Never show mercy! I could have struck off his head just now! +Ever wondered why Jenny Greenteeth said you needed the fastest steed on earth? Sapphire! +Ride like wild fire, Jack. He'll not escape me. +He'll not escape me. You're on your own... like a true champion. +A good day for singing... I've not heard a note out of you. +I've not heard a note out of you. Not in the mood, I'm afraid. +Not in the mood, I'm afraid. Listen to him. Not in the mood... +Listen to him. Not in the mood... On a day like none other the blessed earth has ever seen... A day so fair as forty springtimes -- +On a day like none other the blessed earth has ever seen... A day so fair as forty springtimes -- I'm not denying it's a joyous day -- +I'm not denying it's a joyous day -- Where's your joy if you cannot sing? +Where's your joy if you cannot sing? Were the Princess Lili to join me I would sing till my lungs burst! +Were the Princess Lili to join me I would sing till my lungs burst! She lives... isn't that worth singing about? +She lives... isn't that worth singing about? She lives like all the world before the Baron's curse lifted. Now the world's reborn, yet still she sleeps... +The quest's at an end and where's the good of it? A faerie festival over a pile of bones? Tis not the wound, that's sure. Not a scar remains... we're talking about a spell; harder to repair than sword-work. +Tis not the wound, that's sure. Not a scar remains... we're talking about a spell; harder to repair than sword-work. I'll do anything... face any challenge! +I'll do anything... face any challenge! Might not need a gesture quite so grand. What were you doing the very moment the Baron's curse fell on the world? +Might not need a gesture quite so grand. What were you doing the very moment the Baron's curse fell on the world? I was with the Princess. +I was with the Princess. Where? +Where? By the pond. She was teasing me. +By the pond. She was teasing me. Go on... go on... +Go on... go on... She tossed her ring in the pond and bid me fetch it. Said she'd marry me if I did. +She tossed her ring in the pond and bid me fetch it. Said she'd marry me if I did. And did you? +And did you? Nay. It was lost. When I came up for air the pond was frozen over. +Nay. It was lost. When I came up for air the pond was frozen over. That's it then... the ring! +You must find the ring... It completes the cycle; answers the riddle... I'll try. +I'll try. You're good at riddles... Find the ring and the spell is broken. +Keep me belly full, Jack. Kill us another worm. Hush up, Screwball. Do your own worm-sticking if you like the taste so well. +Hush up, Screwball. Do your own worm-sticking if you like the taste so well. Nay. Jack's the dragon-slayer, ain't you, Jack. +Well done, lad. Stout heart. Wolf-slayer, worm-sticker... give a cheer for the champion! +Barely living, from the looks of it. No, no, no... this is different! +You see! You see! These chaps'll need a woodpecker to pick their teeth. +Ogg lives there...! And Thurgis! Screwball! Be quiet...! We have friends live 'neath the Needle. They'll no doubt provide safe refuge for the night. +We seek to undo the curse. Gonna make ogre-stew! +Well done, lad. Three cheers for our champion. +Look at that shot! Three at once! I can't miss! Very thrifty. Even got your arrow back. +Sweet slippers of Oisin! They've fired the moat! +Someone like Floki... or Squarefoot... or -- You'll do it because I am you liege and I command you to do it! +Aye... my Lord... Rise, Screwball, and into the basket with you. +Start acting like you're worthy of this mission... Here. Whatever you do, don't dare drop it. Nay, Sire, I'll cling to it as to life itself... +Nay, Sire, I'll cling to it as to life itself... Good, lad... Here, Jack, give me a hand with the windlass... There's a good fellow... +How're these? They'll do nicely. +Dolt! Sorry. +Greetings, my lady, the green wood is honored. Oh, Jack, you are a wild man to use me so. +These for me? If you like. +You promised! Never. +Never. But you did... you did! +But you did... you did! I may have said perhaps... +I may have said perhaps... Liar! +Liar! Or perchance... +It's my father, gone a-hunting. The Baron Couer de Noir is his guest and must be provided with some sport. Sport, indeed. +Sport, indeed. The Baron is a frightful man. They say he's an ogre. He wears a mask so none may see his face. +The Baron is a frightful man. They say he's an ogre. He wears a mask so none may see his face. Blackheart. Aptly named. +Blackheart. Aptly named. Oh, fie. What about the unicorn? +Oh, fie. What about the unicorn? Unicorn? +Unicorn? A promise is a sacred oath. +A promise is a sacred oath. All right. I'll show you something sacred. +Let's rest a minute. I'm so thirsty. Stop complaining. +Stop complaining. A gentleman would offer water. +A gentleman would offer water. Only were he a fool to boot. See yon viper? +Only were he a fool to boot. See yon viper? I detest serpents. +I detest serpents. That viper has envenomed the water. No animal will drink here now. +That viper has envenomed the water. No animal will drink here now. What shall we do? +What shall we do? Be patient. +Oh, dear. What's the matter? +What's the matter? I've lost my napkin. It was all elf-work and lace... I must have dropped it when you startled me so. +I've lost my napkin. It was all elf-work and lace... I must have dropped it when you startled me so. I'll go search for it. +I'll go search for it. Don't leave me now. I fear the unicorn won't show himself without you. +Don't leave me now. I fear the unicorn won't show himself without you. I'm not its master. +I'm not its master. The napkin will keep. I'd rather not be alone. +The napkin will keep. I'd rather not be alone. Your command is my wish, Princess Lili. +How much longer? Shhh! +Shhh! I am a princess. You have no right to order me about. +I am a princess. You have no right to order me about. In these woods you are a commoner. Now be quiet. True royalty approaches. +Such grace... and their smell; it's ambrosia. They rival the angels of paradise. +They rival the angels of paradise. Oh Jack, mightn't I touch one? It would thrill me so. +Oh Jack, mightn't I touch one? It would thrill me so. Are you honest? +Are you honest? Jack! +Jack! Tis a fair question. If you be a virtuous maid the unicorn will lay his head in your lap. +Tis a fair question. If you be a virtuous maid the unicorn will lay his head in your lap. He'll not flee if I show myself? +He'll not flee if I show myself? Not if you be chaste. Tis an awesome test of virginity. +Not if you be chaste. Tis an awesome test of virginity. I've no fear of failure. Your implications are most unbecoming. +I've no fear of failure. Your implications are most unbecoming. I'm not your judge... nor have I any desire to witness the trial. +Where are you going? To fetch your napkin. +What happened? I don't know. They've hurt the unicorn. +I don't know. They've hurt the unicorn. Who? +Who? My father and the Baron. +My father and the Baron. Damned hunters. It was a trap, and you were the bait! +Damned hunters. It was a trap, and you were the bait! I didn't know... I didn't... It was so lovely... he was in my lap like... like a baby... and... I... +I didn't know... I didn't... It was so lovely... he was in my lap like... like a baby... and... I... They tricked you. +They tricked you. My own father... +My own father... How bad was the unicorn's wound? +How bad was the unicorn's wound? It happened so fast. He was hurt and ran away. +It happened so fast. He was hurt and ran away. He did run? +He did run? Oh, yes, and the mare with him. +Oh, yes, and the mare with him. Good. They'll never catch him. There's not a mount in the kingdom can outrun a unicorn. +There are many would pay a king's ransom for a few drops of unicorn blood. I don't want it on me. +I don't want it on me. Its powers are strong. +Its powers are strong. I don't want to be reminded of what happened. +I don't want to be reminded of what happened. Do you think memory can be washed away like a few spots of blood? +Not even the birds sing sweet as you. Jack... Green Jack, you mustn't flatter me so. +Jack... Green Jack, you mustn't flatter me so. Tis the truth. +Tis the truth. A maid must beware of flattery... Methinks you want to kiss me. +A maid must beware of flattery... Methinks you want to kiss me. There's no happier thought under heaven. +There's no happier thought under heaven. If I were your bride, would the kissing ever stop...? Do you wish to marry me, Jack? +If I were your bride, would the kissing ever stop...? Do you wish to marry me, Jack? My lady mocks me. +My lady mocks me. Nay, Jack, I'm but wary of your intentions. +Nay, Jack, I'm but wary of your intentions. My heart intends no more than that you love me as I do you. +My heart intends no more than that you love me as I do you. Oh, la... +I'm afraid it may storm. Let it. Haven't you a cozy bower we might hide in? +Let it. Haven't you a cozy bower we might hide in? Tis not fit for a princess. +Tis not fit for a princess. Be it fit for your wife, Green Jack? +Be it fit for your wife, Green Jack? I have no wife. +I have no wife. Then, perchance you'll me. +Then, perchance you'll me. If wishes were horses even beggars would ride. +If wishes were horses even beggars would ride. Do you wish it, Jack? Wish you this our wedding band? +Do you wish it, Jack? Wish you this our wedding band? What if I answer yes? Will my wish come true? +Lili! No! Jack... Forgive me... +What have I done? Only what's right... +I thought you were dead... I -- I was bewitched... it's better this way... +I was bewitched... it's better this way... They told me you were dead. +No! I won't let it happen... You've freed me, Jack... +You've freed me, Jack... It's the Baron's damnable work! Too cowardly to stand and fight... he used you to save himself. +It's the Baron's damnable work! Too cowardly to stand and fight... he used you to save himself. No... it's not you he's afraid of, it's... light... +No... it's not you he's afraid of, it's... light... What? +What? Sunlight... It destroys him. +Sunlight... It destroys him. Sunlight? +Sunlight? That's why he goes masked during the day... +That's why he goes masked during the day... So, he's hiding in the dark... +So, he's hiding in the dark... In the dark... where I join him... +In the dark... where I join him... No! Don't let go... you mustn't! I love you! +No! Don't let go... you mustn't! I love you! And I... love you... +Oh! Green Jack! What a dream I've had... proper nightmare. Whilst you were sleeping, I fetched your ring. +Sweet Jack. I'm so sorry you found me asleep. Don't know what came over me. I can't have been under much more than a minute. +I can't have been under much more than a minute. Seemed like weeks and weeks. Such a terrible dream... I could never tell you... +Seemed like weeks and weeks. Such a terrible dream... I could never tell you... Is what you said about the ring but another dream? +Is what you said about the ring but another dream? Oh no, dearest Jack... I meant every word. +Oh no, dearest Jack... I meant every word. You're teasing still. +Nay, dearest Jack... you are to be my husband. I want none other. But... I am a Green Man. I have no title, nor lands... scarce even a few vines and threads to keep the cold from my body. +But... I am a Green Man. I have no title, nor lands... scarce even a few vines and threads to keep the cold from my body. You wear your weeds as well as golden armor, Jack. Like a true Prince... a champion! +You wear your weeds as well as golden armor, Jack. Like a true Prince... a champion! Lili... I love you! +Lili... I love you! And I love you, my husband. +What's the matter? Ouch! Something's biting me. +Ouch! Something's biting me. Biting you? +Biting you? Pinching me! +Pinching me! Pinching? Where? +Pinching? Where? Everywhere! Ow! +Everywhere! Ow! I can't see a thing. +I can't see a thing. Nor can I. Damn! It's buzzing all around me. Ouch! I can hear it like a fly trapped inside my ear... Says its name is Oona! +Nor can I. Damn! It's buzzing all around me. Ouch! I can hear it like a fly trapped inside my ear... Says its name is Oona! Oona? Do you suppose it's a faerie? +Oona? Do you suppose it's a faerie? Ow! Whatever it is, it hurts. +Honored to make your acquaintance. Grand champion, is it? And what great cause leads you to me? +Grand champion, is it? And what great cause leads you to me? We seek the ogre, Baron Couer de Noir. He slew a unicorn and plunged the world into eternal winter. +We seek the ogre, Baron Couer de Noir. He slew a unicorn and plunged the world into eternal winter. Thought the weather terrible of late. +Step lively now! His feet shall never cross my lips. +Sigurd's sword... Another hero's hand-me-down... Thurgis, note the armor; tis Greek work. +What's this now? I bring you the only treasure worthy of your loveliness... for naught else in the universe rivals the reflected glory of your beauty. +I bring you the only treasure worthy of your loveliness... for naught else in the universe rivals the reflected glory of your beauty. Well spoke, boy. You have discerning taste for one so young... Just who might you be? +Well spoke, boy. You have discerning taste for one so young... Just who might you be? They call me Green Jack, ma'am. +They call me Green Jack, ma'am. Come closer then, Jack, that I might give you proper thanks. +Come closer then, Jack, that I might give you proper thanks. Your fair smile be thanks enough. Better I stand afar to admire your beauty complete. +Think me fair, do you, Jack? The moon herself would hide behind a cloud rather than dare comparison with you... +The moon herself would hide behind a cloud rather than dare comparison with you... The moon is too round of face, methinks. +The moon is too round of face, methinks. The sight of you makes flowers seem like dross. All the heavenly angels must envy your grace. +The sight of you makes flowers seem like dross. All the heavenly angels must envy your grace. I like well your conceit, Jack. Tis rare to find an honest lad in this troubled world. +I like well your conceit, Jack. Tis rare to find an honest lad in this troubled world. Aye. And it is the trouble befallen us that brings me here. I entreat you to tell me the cause of our surrounding sorrow, most lovely of the lovely. +Aye. And it is the trouble befallen us that brings me here. I entreat you to tell me the cause of our surrounding sorrow, most lovely of the lovely. Dear lad, what does winter bespeak but death? It is a time of mourning. This calamity is a curse. Something wondrous and beautiful has been taken from the world. +Dear lad, what does winter bespeak but death? It is a time of mourning. This calamity is a curse. Something wondrous and beautiful has been taken from the world. A unicorn's been slain. The last stallion in all the country. +A unicorn's been slain. The last stallion in all the country. Why then, there thou hast. We be lucky worse has not befallen us. +Here be the death weapon; the unicorn's blood dry upon it. Couer de Noir! A demon if the Devil ever made one. +Couer de Noir! A demon if the Devil ever made one. He chopped off the horn and left the rest to rot. +He chopped off the horn and left the rest to rot. That would be the Baron's way. There'll be no light or life in the world until the alicorn is taken from him and he vanquished. +That would be the Baron's way. There'll be no light or life in the world until the alicorn is taken from him and he vanquished. How do I get the horn back? +How do I get the horn back? You'll need the fastest steed alive, for Couer de Noir's castle rests at the very edge of the earth. Only the sharpest sword and the golden armor of Achilles will protect you from his fury. +You'll need the fastest steed alive, for Couer de Noir's castle rests at the very edge of the earth. Only the sharpest sword and the golden armor of Achilles will protect you from his fury. Where do I find the Baron's castle? +Where do I find the Baron's castle? Follow the raven in her flight, Follow old black wing to the edge of night... +Follow the raven in her flight, Follow old black wing to the edge of night... Not very precise directions. +Not very precise directions. Come sit beside me, sweet boy, and I'll draw you a map. +Come sit beside me, sweet boy, and I'll draw you a map. Nay. Tempting as your invitation be. Tell me one thing more. +Nay. Tempting as your invitation be. Tell me one thing more. Ask away, sweet man. +Ask away, sweet man. What became of the princess? +What became of the princess? Princess? I know of no princess. +Princess? I know of no princess. Princess Lili, Godwin's daughter. She was with me when calamity struck, but after I could find no trace of her. +Princess Lili, Godwin's daughter. She was with me when calamity struck, but after I could find no trace of her. Is she fair, this princess? +Is she fair, this princess? Exceeding fair. +Exceeding fair. As fair as me? +As fair as me? Twould be to compare one star with another in the summer sky. +Twould be to compare one star with another in the summer sky. She's dead! +She's dead! No! +No! Dead, dead, dead. +Dead, dead, dead. I don't believe you. +I don't believe you. Far as you're concerned she's dead, believe it or not. +This is sad news, be it true. Don't be sad, Jack, not with me here to give you cheer. +Don't be sad, Jack, not with me here to give you cheer. Tis not the time to speak of cheer. +Tis not the time to speak of cheer. You'll visit again? +You'll visit again? As a hummingbird returns to the fairest blossom. +As a hummingbird returns to the fairest blossom. What a fine meal you'd make, be the rest of you sweet as your tongue. +Courage, Jack. I pray God grants it me. +This is not the time for squabbling. Sorry. +Were I a mortal girl, Jack, methinks I'd be in love with you. Then I'd kiss you without turning my garments inside-out and sewing bells all over. +Then I'd kiss you without turning my garments inside-out and sewing bells all over. No need for bells, Jack. I'll nay enchant ye. +Such a sad world, be there no unicorns to brighten it. No fear of that now. +Never even had a sword in my hand until yesterday. Then, tis not for chastity? Methought you kept a naked blade twixt you and any maiden chanced spend the night. +Then, tis not for chastity? Methought you kept a naked blade twixt you and any maiden chanced spend the night. I live in an abandoned fox den neath the roots of a thousand-year-old oak. My bed is pine boughs and rabbit skins. There's no need of weaponry to keep the maids away. +I live in an abandoned fox den neath the roots of a thousand-year-old oak. My bed is pine boughs and rabbit skins. There's no need of weaponry to keep the maids away. I'm partial to oaks, as are all faerie folk. Mayn't I come visit sometime? +I'm partial to oaks, as are all faerie folk. Mayn't I come visit sometime? I'd be honored. +I'd be honored. Only that? +Only that? And charmed, of course. +And charmed, of course. Fie! Don't speak of charms. I should charm you for being so dull- witted. +Fie! Don't speak of charms. I should charm you for being so dull- witted. I had no thought of offending you, Oona. +I had no thought of offending you, Oona. Do I not please you, Jack? +Do I not please you, Jack? In every way. +In every way. And am I not fair? +And am I not fair? Wondrously so. +Wondrously so. Then why do you speak sweeter words to Jenny Greenteeth? +Then why do you speak sweeter words to Jenny Greenteeth? That was in jest. +That was in jest. Jest with me then. +Jest with me then. How so? +How so? Tell me I'm fair, as you did the hag. +Tell me I'm fair, as you did the hag. You are fair as the first new flower of spring... +You are fair as the first new flower of spring... And sweet? +And sweet? Sweeter than bee pollen on a summer wind. +Sweeter than bee pollen on a summer wind. Pray you be sweet as your words, dear Jack. +Nay, Oona, tis not possible. A faerie's love makes anything possible. +A faerie's love makes anything possible. I'm promised to another! +I'm promised to another! What shape I take matters not. Long you for another? I'll give you your heart's desire. +Oona... don't cry... please, you mustn't... You... you... you mortal you! +You... you... you mortal you! Please... +Please... Why should I feel such pain? Should be the other way round... I could vex you... make you dance your life away... +Why should I feel such pain? Should be the other way round... I could vex you... make you dance your life away... Threats won't make me love you. Tis not the way of the human heart. +What care I for the human heart! Such a soft, spiritless thing it is. I prefer the hearts of hawks and wolves; fierce and free and keen as steel! And as barren of love as stone. +And as barren of love as stone. I would build a wall around me with such stone, so the likes of you might never enter. +I would build a wall around me with such stone, so the likes of you might never enter. Be fair, Oona. +Be fair, Oona. You beware, Jack! You and your porridge-pot heart! +Is this a May Day pageant? Are you all off on a lark...? The raven passed this way hours ago! Heading north still? +Heading north still? True north... Straight up that pass, through the net. +The fastest in the world. I know where to find him... He lies out on the marsh, raven-fodder; his horn torn from his head. +What do we do now? We wait. +What's she doing? I think she's about to foal. +I'm in your debt, Screwball. Watch behind or I'll never collect on it! +Praise be to God. Small miracles better than no miracles... +Master Jack! Master Jack! These woods are alive! They're alive! Of course they're alive. All nature is living. +Where? Up ahead! +Up ahead! Come on, Gump, let's have a look at this witchcraft. +What can you steal from a man already lost his life? His honor, I suppose... seeing he no longer can defend it. +What care the bones when the soul is free? Bah! You faeries have the morals of ferrets. +Maybe there's a better idea... What about birds... get a lift from some friendly bird... Haven't heard a bird sing in days... +Haven't heard a bird sing in days... Or a kite...! We could make a kite... Let the wind do the work -- +Hello, Jack. Done like a champion. Can you reach me with the line? +Sorry, Jack. It's done... we'll never catch him. +Your fond wishes give me strength, dear friends. No speeches! What's a little swim after sticking worms and ogres? +Each fit for a hero... My uncle fashioned a hammer for Thor. Twas he named it Mjolnir. Grandfather forged Excalibur... You won't ever see finer craftsmanship. Oh, but I have. +How came you by this blade? I slew the Lindfarne Worm with it. +The Avatar. I like the sound of it. Sigurd the Volsung slew Fafnir with that blade... See the line where Regin welded the break? +Uhm... fine work. Achilles wore it before the gates of Troy. +Achilles wore it before the gates of Troy. You're well equipped, I'd say. Legendary arms... +You're with us in battle. May God protect you. +No hurt Jimmy, sir... oh no, please, sir... I'm sending you back to Hell! +Is he a friend, then? Yes, yes... Jimmy Squarefoot good friend to one and all... +Forgive my blood haste, Jimmy Squarefoot, but I want no more surprises from Couer de Noir. The Black Baron, you say? +Lost? Much good we do the world, for all our noble quest... +Much good we do the world, for all our noble quest... Jimmy Squarefoot no lost. +Simple as that, eh? Castle Couer de Noir built with magic... simple as death... strong as hate... +Castle Couer de Noir built with magic... simple as death... strong as hate... You do know where it is? +Can you show us the way? To Castle Couer de Noir? +To Castle Couer de Noir? There'll be spoils aplenty if you guide us there. Once we breach the walls, help yourself to all you can carry. +There'll be spoils aplenty if you guide us there. Once we breach the walls, help yourself to all you can carry. That very nice. +Let that be our problem, just get us there. You follow. +It be the castle... we feel the castle... it be that close... A castle's but stone and mortar -- +A castle's but stone and mortar -- Nay. Castle Couer de Noir is Devil's work... built with sorrow and grief... +Plenty treasure inside... Jimmy seen it once. You've been inside? +You've been inside? In a dream. +In a dream. Don't speak to me of dreams! I feel I've been dreaming since the unicorn was killed. +Marco! What are you doing? +What are you doing? I'm not cheating! I'm not looking! +Dad's disappeared! He was there and then he wasn't! +And we got to take all the old paint off all the doors and then George taught us how to stain everything and he even let me choose the color I liked best! And he said he loved me! We did a lot of the wiring too. +We did a lot of the wiring too. With Dale. Oh, and I got to drill a hole into a board to put the wire through! +Are you going to see Sam again? I thought I might stop by. +You can go back to bed...or Lois might let you go swimming. I wanna be with you today. +I wanna be with you today. Oh, honey. There's not much to do there. I mean, it's all work. +Oh, honey. There's not much to do there. I mean, it's all work. We can work. +I woke up this morning at three and couldn't fall back asleep. Everyday I think I see more of Sam than I've seen in years. Sam! +Did you know him before you knew Dad? Since seventh grade. +And video games after! "Home after. Will you come in and say ""hi""?" +That's how you get things right is to always try and never give up. Huh, Mom? I guess it depends on what you give up on. +He's not there. He's here. Check the bathroom. +He's here. Check the bathroom. I checked everywhere. He's not there. +When does George get to come see his house? It's so beautiful. +What's that for? Mom said I should. +Mom said I should. Oh. +Oh. I would have anyway. +So put your plans of my room in the trash. I don't think Dad wants you home. +He hasn't called? Who are you? +Do you guys feel like painting? What color? +What color? Red. +Red. I love red! That's my favorite color! +Mom? Here, honey! +I put him to work. What's wrong? +I couldn't get it to go down. And why was the alarm on? +And why was the alarm on? Oh...I set it to see if it would work. +Oh...I set it to see if it would work. You'd better call and cancel. +You'd better call and cancel. Oh God, we don't want the police! +What are you doing up so early? I couldn't sleep last night. +I couldn't sleep last night. I'm supposed to be mad at you, but I'm not. +Why? What do you mean? Uh...using Josh like that. +I'm going to bed. Has he eaten anything at all? +I'd be more comfortable if he slept in the guestroom. I'd be more comfortable if you hadn't slept with Josh. And George would be more comfortable if he weren't dying. +Atonement. Who are all these people? +Sorry I got you into trouble. I'll survive. +He must. He seems lonely. +He seems lonely. Are you his friend? +Are you his friend? No. +No. Why? +Why? Marilyn Manson...and I guess he's into guys. I hate nose rings. And the blue eye shadow thing really isn't working. +Alyssa. Why have you put a toilet and a bed in your garage? +Why have you put a toilet and a bed in your garage? I'm living here while I build another house. +I'm living here while I build another house. Is that legal? +Don't you have school? Nope. +What's today? Monday. +My keys. What's that? +I had them in my pocket. I'm not shaving my legs or pits this summer, I've decided. +Can you keep Sam straight? He's not gay. I found out purely by accident, believe me. +He's not gay. I found out purely by accident, believe me. I mean drugs. I thought you said he was? +I mean drugs. I thought you said he was? He wouldn't use around me. I don't like any of it. +He wouldn't use around me. I don't like any of it. You're a good girl. +You're a good girl. I need to ask you something, Mr. Nelson. +You have to ask like that? I want you to try something with me, okay? +I want you to try something with me, okay? I've taken a lot of morphine. Oral morphine...for my back. Can I wait till I can say no and sound convincing? +Did you feel anything? Maybe your tongue...I don't know, my mouth is numb. Why did you do that? +My mother would die. Let's shut up and not kill her. +It's not what I was expecting. What did you think it would be? +What did you think it would be? I don't know... More like when I kissed Sam. +I'm hungry! Where's my dinner? Who ate my dinner? Huh? Who's in trouble now? Hi. +Hey. What are you doing here? +They're trying to make me spend the summer here. I'm leaving in the morning. Where to? +Where to? I'm supposed to be in Tahoe. +I'm supposed to be in Tahoe. Your dad's really gonna build his house? +Your dad's really gonna build his house? I don't know. +I don't know. Well, if you don't go, I guess I'll see you. +You should stay. I don't know. +I don't know. Where's your dad? +Where's your dad? He jumped into the ocean. +He jumped into the ocean. "Tell him I said ""hi""." +He's a freak. You look better without make-up. +You look better without make-up. I can't even take a shower here. +I can't even take a shower here. Come over to my house whenever you want. I'll tell my mom. +Come over to my house whenever you want. I'll tell my mom. I might not stay, anyway. +I might not stay, anyway. I'll get your back. +I'll get your back. No. That's okay. +Do you remember me from when you lived here? Yeah. +Yeah. Your dad dated my mom after her divorce. +Your dad dated my mom after her divorce. Really? +Really? I wanted him to marry her. +I wanted him to marry her. Why? +Why? Turn over. +Josh and I are going to South Coast. Wanna ride? Maybe see a movie? No thanks. +Huh? I can use your mom's. +I can use your mom's. I'm okay. +Not really. No. Kinda. He got busted? His parents took his car. They're making him ride a bicycle the rest of the summer. +Really? He asked me to tell you that you owe him a hundred dollars. +He asked me to tell you that you owe him a hundred dollars. He can peddle over anytime he wants to for it. +This is serious! I don't have my license. He was my ride. I'm sorry. I'm just here to shower. +I've seen lots of people. It's not a big thing for me. Hand me a towel. I'm getting out. +Hand me a towel. I'm getting out. I'm coming in. +I'm coming in. I don't want you to! +I don't want you to! We're not gonna do anything. +We're not gonna do anything. Why are you so stupid? +Why are you so stupid? Why are you so uptight? +Why are you so uptight? I don't even...what do you mean? I don't even know what that means. +I don't even...what do you mean? I don't even know what that means. It means I'm gonna shampoo my hair and stay out of your way. +It means I'm gonna shampoo my hair and stay out of your way. Hand me a towel. Hand me a towel. +What's the point of this? Does everything have to have a point? +Does everything have to have a point? It's freakish. I don't get it. I'm not really supposed to touch you, but I can look. +Are you sure you're totally into guys? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Josh said... +Josh said... I'm not gay. +I was wondering. You're driving me crazy! Do you know what it's like trying to jack-off in an armoire? +You're driving me crazy! Do you know what it's like trying to jack-off in an armoire? Not really. +Not really. You're off, you know? You're way, way off. +You're off, you know? You're way, way off. I thought I was helping you. +I thought I was helping you. It would help me if I could kiss you. +It would help me if I could kiss you. No, I don't...NO. I thought we were just friends. +No, I don't...NO. I thought we were just friends. What you think, you know, doesn't have much to do with reality. I mean, I hope I'm not the first to say that about you. +What you think, you know, doesn't have much to do with reality. I mean, I hope I'm not the first to say that about you. Okay, but then we'll just be friends. Okay? +Okay, but then we'll just be friends. Okay? Okay. I guess. +On the handlebars or your shoulders? Are you afraid of heights? +Hey, I can get you three hundred cash for two hours. What? +You hate your father. If he tricked me into loving him, is what I meant. +If he tricked me into loving him, is what I meant. You'd hate him for the trick. +You'd hate him for the trick. Not if what he left me was real. +I don't wanna go. He asked where you were! He wants you with him. +He asked where you were! He wants you with him. I don't wanna go. +Where are you?! Floating to Catalina. +Floating to Catalina. What? +You're so nice to let Sam use your shower. He's got a standing invitation. +Why is that? Just, I mean, well, you're here every single day. +Just, I mean, well, you're here every single day. He's at work while I'm here. +He's at work while I'm here. I guess I'd just be jealous if I were him. +I guess I'd just be jealous if I were him. Well, he doesn't need to worry. +Well, he doesn't need to worry. If my kids and my wife were always at an ex-husband's house, I'd worry. +If my kids and my wife were always at an ex-husband's house, I'd worry. He's not the type to worry. +He won't leave my room. Will he talk to me? +Will he talk to me? No. +This is such a street of whiners. From Tuesday to yesterday, not including Monday or today. Okay...Mrs. Dokos is repeatedly running over her lawn. The Corliss' have attributed the increase in rat population in their environs to the state of your...structure. +From Tuesday to yesterday, not including Monday or today. Okay...Mrs. Dokos is repeatedly running over her lawn. The Corliss' have attributed the increase in rat population in their environs to the state of your...structure. IPO's caused the rat population on this street. +And of course the Beck's, with the... It could have been a squirt gun. +It could have been a squirt gun. You've been good this week. +Are you guys' friends? We've known each other since grade school. +We've known each other since grade school. I mean, but did you both go camping on weekends? Listen to music? Masturbate together? Talk on the phone? +I wouldn't want you as a friend. George just never really...aimed that high. Even with not hitting a rabbit. I knew you were doing that, by the way. That's why I stopped doing it with you. You were no fun. It was always like you were frightened. Quiet and boring. +Funny how he's the architect and you're just a loud mouth cop. He builds models for architects. His dad, on the other hand, was the real deal. Designed and built the coolest houses I've ever seen. +Mr. Dokos says that your father missed his height envelope by six inches. He wants the entire roof taken off and lowered. +Mr. Stevens? I've been dreading you. +Bob Larson. Do you happen to have an unenclosed toilet in close proximity to a kitchen? A violation? +A violation? Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. And if I enclosed it? +And if I enclosed it? An exhaust system or a window is code. +An exhaust system or a window is code. A sink? +A sink? Allowed outside the enclosed area. +I hate to ask about a window. I flushed it down the toilet. +I assume you'll fill the...uh, window, with glass? If that's what it takes. +Mr. Stevens. One of your neighbors is adamant your home has exceeded its approved height. He's filed to have construction stopped immediately. It's thirty feet. +It's thirty feet. Well, if it is, we have a problem. +I have the permit. After your last extension request and with Design Review and the Board of Adjustment and the appeals to the city council, was there an amended permit? +After your last extension request and with Design Review and the Board of Adjustment and the appeals to the city council, was there an amended permit? To the patio and one north-facing window... And six inches to the height. +That would take weeks. Months. +I'm good, thanks. What are you on? +What are you on? Pardon me? +Pardon me? how much weight have you lost? +how much weight have you lost? Oh...nothing. Thirty pounds. I just haven't been very hungry. +Oh...nothing. Thirty pounds. I just haven't been very hungry. How's your wife? +How's your wife? When we divorce a decade ago, she was very, very angry. Now she's just hostile. +Right...she married...what was he? He buys and sells the world. +He buys and sells the world. Peter Webber! Right. Quite the spotlight on that guy. +Peter Webber! Right. Quite the spotlight on that guy. I did tell you, didn't I? That I'd be ready to start the Berlin model today? +I did tell you, didn't I? That I'd be ready to start the Berlin model today? Well, that's sort of...you're sure you're not hungry? +This isn't me. We can show clients endless options, change anything in a matter of hours on the computer. But you won't change. Typing and clicking myself to renderings isn't why I started building models. +Typing and clicking myself to renderings isn't why I started building models. All of us are typing and clicking, George. Whether we want to, or not. +All of us are typing and clicking, George. Whether we want to, or not. I'm not. +I'm not. Which is why we bid out a quarter of our projects. It doesn't make a lot of sense anymore to want what we don't have and don't want what we do. +I've been here twenty years. Maybe that's too long. +Maybe that's too long. Maybe...? +Maybe...? That's too long. +Oh. How old are you? +How old are you? Forty. +Forty. We were probably in school together. You went to Berkley? +Class of eighty-six! I didn't know you were there. I was a sophomore when I got the call my parents were dead. +Listen...maybe I can get you a year. I hate this job. +I hate this job. What are you talking about? You love your job. +What are you talking about? You love your job. From the day I started...to today. Can't stand it. +Then it sounds like I'm doing you a favor. It may sound that way, but I react out of fear. My life has nothing to do with what I like or don't like. You haven't been listening, have you? +It may sound that way, but I react out of fear. My life has nothing to do with what I like or don't like. You haven't been listening, have you? I didn't know there would be a quiz, George. +I didn't know there would be a quiz, George. For everything. +For everything. Well, I feel better about this now. +Well, I feel better about this now. Good. I was hoping for that. +I've got one favor to ask. What can I do for you, George? +What can I do for you, George? I built my first model here when I was twenty. There are hundreds of them on shelves around the office. Twenty years of my life. I was wondering if I might be able to pick a few to keep, to take home? Only the ones that really mean something to me. +Oh, well...those are...I mean, we don't get to keep our work. I could maybe ask them if you could choose one. But, you know, frankly George, you were the best. Computer models can't begin to match the beauty you gave yours. They're a part of this firm. They inspire me. I go out there and sometimes just stare at something I've designed. It amazes me. I would miss that too much. Look, I may be going out on a limb, but you go out there and look them over, every single one of them and pick the one you like the best and take it with you. Just run it by me first, just in case, you know...but I'm sure it'll be okay. Thank you. +Thank you. Well, it's the least I can do. +Well, it's the least I can do. Yes, it is. +Is Alyssa home? She's out with a friend. +She's out with a friend. Oh...do you know when she'll be home? +Oh...do you know when she'll be home? She didn't really say. +She didn't really say. Oh...okay. +Sam? Uh huh. +Uh huh. I didn't recognize you! +I didn't recognize you! I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Alyssa said you don't even have plumbing over there. +Alyssa said you don't even have plumbing over there. Not a shower. +Thanks for the shower. I want you both to stay. +Come over anytime you need to, Sam. Thanks, I'd like that. Thank you. +If she's not up, you can use my shower. Thank you. +Thank you. You're here early today. +You're here early today. We're getting out of the ground today. +Is Alyssa here? It's midnight. What's the matter, Sam? +It's midnight. What's the matter, Sam? Nothing. My dad's dying. I really need to talk to Alyssa. +This has got to stop! He escaped. He's going back in. +He escaped. He's going back in. Does it give you some sort of perverse pleasure to expose your...penis in plain view of my sixteen year-old daughter? +Does it give you some sort of perverse pleasure to expose your...penis in plain view of my sixteen year-old daughter? There are no windows facing my...exposure. +There are no windows facing my...exposure. George, this is the third time. +George, this is the third time. The plumber's due out on Friday. +The plumber's due out on Friday. You'll have to explain that to the police. +You'll have to explain that to the police. You were the only neighbor I could tolerate. +You were the only neighbor I could tolerate. I did warn you. +I did warn you. My life is a warning. I just can't figure out for what. +I forgot where I put my keys. And you thought they might be under her dress? +Hello? Where are you? You're driving me crazy, waiting like this. I want you in me now! +The whole summer, man. Party in Tahoe. I don't know. +I don't know. It'll just be my brother the dweeb on weekends. All we gotta do is sand and paint the cabin, dude. My dad's gonna let me use the boat and my charm is gonna let me use my rod. Income village is the place to hook up with hump. +It'll just be my brother the dweeb on weekends. All we gotta do is sand and paint the cabin, dude. My dad's gonna let me use the boat and my charm is gonna let me use my rod. Income village is the place to hook up with hump. I'll ask. +I'll ask. Hey, it beats letting town folk go down on you for the summer. +I never said anything. I haven't done anything. I know what the deal is. Josh is a pimp. I'm not stupid. +I know what the deal is. Josh is a pimp. I'm not stupid. You don't know what the deal is. There is no fucking deal. +Your mom and the boys can drop by anytime. To check up on me? +To check up on me? I'll be around to check up on you. +I'll be around to check up on you. Why would you be there? +Why would you be there? Because I live there. +Because I live there. You live in Cory's parents' cabin? +Did you tell him he's spending the summer with me? No I'm not! +Who are you, anyway? I don't even know you. You'll know me by the time we're through. +You'll know me by the time we're through. I'm not going! +I'm not going! I'll get your bag. +Mom, tell him I'm not going. You already promised me! You have everything? +I'm not going! You don't have a choice. +You don't have a choice. Mom...please. +Your nose ring comes out of your nose. If you've got them in your nipples, they come out, too. And there's no make-up at my house. No glue sniffing. Huffing. No pills, no grass. If you hit me, I'll call the police. +If you hit me, I'll call the police. You've worn out your welcome at this house, Sam. I won't ever hit you. This may well be the worst three months of your life, but you've earned it. So, pick up your suitcase and go get in the truck. Now. +You've worn out your welcome at this house, Sam. I won't ever hit you. This may well be the worst three months of your life, but you've earned it. So, pick up your suitcase and go get in the truck. Now. I'll hate you forever. +I'll hate you forever. You can't even begins to know how much I hate my father. Think of it as a family tradition. +Are you totally insane?! I almost saw Catalina. +Probably in the bible. Goodnight. +What are you doing?! I warned you yesterday. +I warned you yesterday. Don't touch me! You can't touch me! +Do you ever get like the slightest inkling that you might want to help me instead of doing absolutely nothing? No. +No. Get the inkling, Sam. I'm getting tired of your attitude. +I hate turkey. No you don't. +I want you to take out your nose ring and leave it out. Why? +Why? It bugs me. +It bugs me. You snore at night. That bugs me. Can I take you out? +You snore at night. That bugs me. Can I take you out? Your brothers are right. It was the most god-awful smell I've ever had my nose around. +I don't know. I'm gonna take a walk. I need some money. +I'm gonna take a walk. I need some money. You'll have money when you work. +You'll have money when you work. You're so predictable. +No one would blame me if I left! I'd blame you. I want you here. +I'd blame you. I want you here. I'm not doing it! +I'm not doing it! It'll be fine. +It'll be fine. Why don't you just beg some money off my dad and move into something decent with a real kitchen and a real bathroom? +Why don't you just beg some money off my dad and move into something decent with a real kitchen and a real bathroom? I'd rather sell my nuts to a castrati. +I don't beg. And I don't take a shower in the middle of the yard. +And I don't take a shower in the middle of the yard. I can promise you complete privacy. +I can promise you complete privacy. You can't promise me anything! You don't have anything to promise! You live in a garage! You don't have cable! You're not hooked up to the internet because you don't even own a computer! You don't have a job! +If you had a stupid phone or I could use your truck, mom would give me some money. You'll have money when you work for it. +I'm leaving. Hey...hey! +Where are you going? I don't know. +I don't know. When are you going to be back? +When are you going to be back? I don't know. +I don't know. Well, until you know, you can't go. +Well, until you know, you can't go. Oh, okay. +Where is it? A friend of yours is here. +A friend of yours is here. Did you got through my pants? +Did you got through my pants? I might have a solution. +I've been using since I was twelve! You're all so unbelievably stupid. You didn't give a shit about anything I did until now! I'll apologize for everything but today...Today I give a shit. +I'll apologize for everything but today...Today I give a shit. You're too fucking late. +You're too fucking late. The gloves on the table are for you. +The gloves on the table are for you. You can't make me do a thing. +You can't make me do a thing. Sit down for a second. +Sit down for a second. No. +Oh, so you're in the big shit now! Child abuse. People go to prison for what you just did to me. My dad used to play a game. I never really understood what it was until after he was gone. +I was holding for someone. That wasn't even mine. The game was to make me smaller than he was. No matter what. He could be almost invisible as a human being, but I had to be smaller. So if I got good grades, I was a pussy for not playing football. If I cut my hair for him, it wasn't short enough. If I shaved it, I looked like a psycho. I never won the game. Not once. And if he couldn't make me smaller with words... +I'll have to pay him back. I won't ever hit you. I don't want you smaller. I want you to be happy. You're not. Not here with me. Not home with your mother. Not up in Tahoe. Not alone. Not anywhere. You're what I was most of my life, Sam. I see it in your eyes. In your sleep. In your answer to everything. You're barely alive. +I won't ever hit you. I don't want you smaller. I want you to be happy. You're not. Not here with me. Not home with your mother. Not up in Tahoe. Not alone. Not anywhere. You're what I was most of my life, Sam. I see it in your eyes. In your sleep. In your answer to everything. You're barely alive. I'm not even listening. +I'm not even listening. You know that great thing, though? Is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away. Make you something different in an instant. It happened to me. +Twenty years of hating what you live in...what you are. This is the end of it, Sam. I'm gonna build something of me here that I can be proud to give to you. Don't. I don't want it. +Do whatever you want with it. I don't care. All I want from you is for you to remember we built this house together. We haven't build shit. You're just tearing down your father. +We haven't build shit. You're just tearing down your father. Try it. It feels good. +Hi, Alyssa. Hi, Mom. +I took some of your Vicodin. I know. Why? +I know. Why? I like how it feels not to feel. +I know the feeling. How do you become something you're not? +How do you become something you're not? What would you like to be? +What would you like to be? What I'm not. +What I'm not. What are you now? +What are you now? Nothing. +Nothing. That's not true. +That's not true. See, that's the thing...I am what I say I am. +See, that's the thing...I am what I say I am. I know parts of who you are. +I know parts of who you are. What do you know about me? +When you started first grade and your mom went to work, it was so she could save for an apartment. But then she met Peter and skipped the idea of renting. He's got nothing to do with me. +He's got nothing to do with me. I couldn't imagine how I could compete with him for any part of you. So, I didn't. He wanted you to have his last name...I let him even take that. +I couldn't imagine how I could compete with him for any part of you. So, I didn't. He wanted you to have his last name...I let him even take that. He was a prick when I was six, and he's a prick today. +I wish you had told me then. I'm telling you now. +I'm telling you now. I gave up on you. +I gave up on you. I'd be in Tahoe having fun if you had given up. +I'd be in Tahoe having fun if you had given up. What would you be doing now? +What would you be doing now? Getting high, I guess. +Getting high, I guess. If I asked you to stop, would you? +If I asked you to stop, would you? I haven't used anything for two days. I'm trying. +I haven't used anything for two days. I'm trying. I'm proud of you, Sam. +I'm proud of you, Sam. Don't be. And hide whatever that new drug is you have. I like it. +Are you talking? I was just thinking about my mom. She wouldn't leave him. I remember one time she made us dinner wearing sunglasses. I mean it was dark outside and in. But we never talked about it. +I was just thinking about my mom. She wouldn't leave him. I remember one time she made us dinner wearing sunglasses. I mean it was dark outside and in. But we never talked about it. Sun glasses? +Sun glasses? To hide a black eye. +To hide a black eye. Why wouldn't she leave? +Why wouldn't she leave? I think she was terrified of living with him...but maybe even more terrified of life without him. +I think she was terrified of living with him...but maybe even more terrified of life without him. I would have killed him. +I would have killed him. Everything would have been better if you had. You'd have liked your grandmother. And there'd be a girl out there that'd have her mother. I remember reading about her in the paper. They couldn't find her father and her mother was dead. I still feel guilty about that. +Everything would have been better if you had. You'd have liked your grandmother. And there'd be a girl out there that'd have her mother. I remember reading about her in the paper. They couldn't find her father and her mother was dead. I still feel guilty about that. Do you ever wish you had done it? +I loved him too much. After everything he did to you and your mom? +After everything he did to you and your mom? After everything. +After everything. That's so weird... +Dale wants to know if we should run an outside outlet for Christmas lights with a switch inside? Absolutely. Have him put it on a separate line. At Christmas, we'll pact it so full of lights, we'll make God wear sunglasses. +You look better than ever. I don't think Mom cares that much that my...that Peter left. +I don't think Mom cares that much that my...that Peter left. She seemed upset. +She seemed upset. What's wrong with your back? +I mean, do you need to have surgery on it or what? Because those pills you're taking are for a lot of pain. And you're going through them quick. Are you taking them still? +Are you taking them still? No, but I count them. In a sock isn't new, you know? +I don't know what that means. What kind of problem? The kind where there isn't really an answer. +The kind where there isn't really an answer. I still don't know what that means. +I still don't know what that means. I wanted you here so we could have a few months together. Maybe everything happens for a reason. Something bad to force something good. +I don't know what that means. What kind of problem? The kind where there isn't really an answer. +The kind where there isn't really an answer. I still don't know what that means. +I still don't know what that means. I wanted you here so we could have a few months together. Maybe everything happens for a reason. Something bad to force something good. +And you told Mom today? Yes. +We're all dying from the start. I just got picked for Advanced Placement. You lied to me! +You lied to me! I would have lied to me if I thought I'd believe it. +I would have lied to me if I thought I'd believe it. This was all for your sake, wasn't it? Having me here? Trying to get me to like you. +This was all for your sake, wasn't it? Having me here? Trying to get me to like you. I never tried to get you to like me. I tried to get you to love me. +I never tried to get you to like me. I tried to get you to love me. Well, congratulations! You fucking pulled it off! +I don't wanna go, Sam. Here. +I'd eat a lot of red meat. Good for you. +What would you do? I'd build a house. +What kind of house? You know what mortise and tenon is? +No one's really said four months is all you have, have they? Stage four pancreatic cancer. They haven't even pretended to offer treatment. You tell me, when would you start eating red meat? +Stage four pancreatic cancer. They haven't even pretended to offer treatment. You tell me, when would you start eating red meat? Can you build a house in four months? +Can you build a house in four months? I can die trying. +Good for you. I haven't been touched in years. +I'm sorry, I don't know what that was. A handshake, or you know, someone pats you on your back through clothes. Doctors, people who have to touch you. But not by people who want to. +A handshake, or you know, someone pats you on your back through clothes. Doctors, people who have to touch you. But not by people who want to. No. A friend... your mother? Everybody gets touched by someone they love. +No. A friend... your mother? Everybody gets touched by someone they love. Isn't that weird? I mean, I dated a little bit after my divorce, for four or five years. Six years. I know when my son was younger...maybe when he was ten or eleven even, he'd run up and wrap his arms around me. +I aimed high. We just weren't very much alike, I guess. I don't know. I liked your dad more than I liked you. +Was bankrupt and dead before I was twenty. Left you this place. +Left you this place. It was in my name so he wouldn't lose it. He stole it from everyone that deserved it by putting me on title. +It was in my name so he wouldn't lose it. He stole it from everyone that deserved it by putting me on title. Do you know what I'd give to have this! Forget how I got it! I can't afford dirt in this town. I live in Riverside, Goddammitt And you get to piss in the ocean. +Your kid was down around Diver's Cover again, smoking pot. I didn't write him up...told him I wouldn't tell you... Thanks for telling me. +Thanks for telling me. At least your father tried, George. +Ah! Oh.... I know there's an explanation. +Mr. Dokos called to complain that you and a boy are squatting illegally in the garage of your house. Check the permits. It was built as a guesthouse. It's a legally rentable unit grandfathered when South Laguna was incorporated. +I'm surprised he hasn't left. I haven't forced him to work. I only wet him down once. Why would he leave? +It's my day off. I thought I'd help with the plumbing. I need you to do me a favor. +I need you to do me a favor. God, you look like crap, George. +God, you look like crap, George. I want you to find someone for me. +Why do you let your dog crap on his lawn, day after day? I don't let him. He just loves to. +How many bedrooms will your house have? Three. +I just wanted to know where Mom was? Oh. Sorry. +Oh. Sorry. It's okay. +It's okay. She needs to be alone, I think. +She needs to be alone, I think. Because Dad left? +Because Dad left? She's a little sad, is all. +She's a little sad, is all. I don't even care if he ever comes back. +You should lock your doors. Ring the bell before you try the door. +Did Sam call to tell you he wouldn't be over this weekend? You let him pierce his nose? +Lock the door behind you. Where is he? +Where is he? Where he always is. +What are you doing? He doesn't answer. +He never answers. Why does he have a lock on his door? +Why does he have a lock on his door? Because he put the lock on! Do you think I told him he could have a nose ring?! Why do you ask me everything you should ask him!? I don't know anything, anymore! +I called everyone, everywhere! You just vanished! You could be dead! Thanks for waking me up. Picking me up. You're loud today. +Thanks for waking me up. Picking me up. You're loud today. You're inconsiderate and absolutely devoid of emotion! +You're inconsiderate and absolutely devoid of emotion! You're the most beautiful woman I have ever known in my life. +What? I'm not talking just physically. Even your anger is perfect. +I didn't think you'd know I went missing. You didn't think someone from your office would call and tell me you wrecked the entire building and threatened people with a baseball bat?! +You didn't think someone from your office would call and tell me you wrecked the entire building and threatened people with a baseball bat?! A blueprint spool. +A blueprint spool. Where have you been for a week?! +Where have you been for a week?! Four days. I left to think. +Four days. I left to think. What did you do with your dog? +What did you do with your dog? Kurt's been feeding him. +Kurt's been feeding him. But you can't call me while you think? +But you can't call me while you think? I wasn't thinking. Look, I'm sorry I didn't think to call you while I thought...I think. +I need to talk to you. Why would they tow your truck? +Why would they tow your truck? I was parked in day parking. +I was parked in day parking. Why call me? +Why call me? I'm going to tear down the shack and build my house. +I'm going to tear down the shack and build my house. You've been saying that for twenty years. While we were dating, you said it. +You've been saying that for twenty years. While we were dating, you said it. There's nothing anymore to stop me. +There's nothing anymore to stop me. Money? +Money? Severance pay. And I'm going to cash in my life insurance policy. +Severance pay. And I'm going to cash in my life insurance policy. How many years did I live with your beams and boards? First in the garage, then in the living room. We're going to do it, Robin. Next year. Next year. Salvaged floorboards from a house in Pasadena. Doors from a church in New Hampshire... +How many years did I live with your beams and boards? First in the garage, then in the living room. We're going to do it, Robin. Next year. Next year. Salvaged floorboards from a house in Pasadena. Doors from a church in New Hampshire... I love those doors. +I love those doors. Where will you live? +Where will you live? The garage. +The garage. Look, I wasn't serious about you taking Sam, so you don't have to get into any actual construction to get out of it. +Look, I wasn't serious about you taking Sam, so you don't have to get into any actual construction to get out of it. When's school over? +When's school over? Friday...God, I hate the thought of him home all day. +Friday...God, I hate the thought of him home all day. I'll be by Saturday to pick him up. +I'll be by Saturday to pick him up. He doesn't want to spend the weekends with you anymore. +He doesn't want to spend the weekends with you anymore. Not for the weekend. For the summer. +You and Sam are going to live in a garage without plumbing for the summer? The garage is plumbed. I'll put in a toilet. We'll survive. +The garage is plumbed. I'll put in a toilet. We'll survive. Thank you for at least sounding sincere. +Thank you for at least sounding sincere. Sounding? I need help. He's cheap labor. +Sounding? I need help. He's cheap labor. One of you would end up dead. +One of you would end up dead. At least we'll have a house to show for it. +At least we'll have a house to show for it. Forget it, really. I'll survive. +Forget it, really. I'll survive. I want him with me. +I want him with me. No, you don't. Trust me. +Hey, hey! I'm married. +What was I supposed to do? When you didn't show up Saturday, I tried to call. Your phone isn't working. I don't have a phone. +I don't have a phone. I drove over and you were gone. +I drove over and you were gone. I can't leave the house? +I can't leave the house? Last time you were gone for a week! +Last time you were gone for a week! Did you tell him he was spending the summer with me? +Did you tell him he was spending the summer with me? No. I was going to let you do that. +No. I was going to let you do that. He's not spending the summer in Tahoe. +I did say he could go. Let's go. +George -- He's not spending the entire summer with another kid in Tahoe. If he leaves, I will follow him up there and I will drag him home by his nose ring. He can hate me. You can hate me. He can try to kill me while I sleep. You can call the police. You can call your husband or your attorney, but Sam is spending the summer with me. He's my son. He's sixteen. That's it. +We're fine. Turkey sandwiches. Well, for later then. +It makes me sad. What? +What? I used to live here. +I used to live here. But you hated four out of the five you did. +But you hated four out of the five you did. I was here six years. And I only hated two. +I was here six years. And I only hated two. Which? +Which? The first and the last. +I don't even like turkey sandwiches. What kind of pizza? Sam's favorite. +I was up on the roof this morning, tearing it down and it struck me as strong as anything ever has. That I'm happy today. What have you been before today? +What have you been before today? It was just that, maybe the way the sun struck the ocean, the sound of the waves. It was simple, whatever it was. Then I started thinking about the last time I felt this good. It's been a long time. +It was just that, maybe the way the sun struck the ocean, the sound of the waves. It was simple, whatever it was. Then I started thinking about the last time I felt this good. It's been a long time. Do you remember? +Do you remember? The only time I can think of for sure, I was holding onto Sam in the ocean, saving him from the waves. +You head was pressed against my chest. I could feel your heart racing. And I remember I kissed your hair. We have it on video! Was that when? My parents were down for his sixth birthday! I remember that. +What is it? I'm fine. Nothing. I'll drop by your lunch tomorrow. +It's not breakfast yet. I dreamed about your house last night. +I dreamed about your house last night. Finished or unfinished? +Finished or unfinished? It was perfect, George. Amazing. It was so real. +It was perfect, George. Amazing. It was so real. Didn't you once dream you could lick people well, though? +Didn't you once dream you could lick people well, though? That wasn't a dream. That was Sam. +That wasn't a dream. That was Sam. Oh...with his ear infection! +Oh...with his ear infection! My tongue around the edge of his ear is what cured him. +Go in there and lick his attitude. The antibiotics weren't working. It's what I believe, George. +I've been wrong a lot in my life. Hindsight. It's like foresight without a future. +With your hands or your tongue? You're not well. +I thought you'd be up with the sun. My stupid back. +Do you need anything? I'll go to the pharmacy. I have some Demerol at home. No, I'm...thanks. I took something. +Where's Sam? He won't use my shower. I don't get it. +You brought your kids? I kind of said that maybe they could do something. Help. I'm sorry. They really wanted to come. I really wanted to come and they wanted to be with me. I don't think they'll be too much trouble. +I kind of said that maybe they could do something. Help. I'm sorry. They really wanted to come. I really wanted to come and they wanted to be with me. I don't think they'll be too much trouble. I'll find something that won't kill them. +I'll find something that won't kill them. Or wound. Let them keep their eyes and fingers. +Or wound. Let them keep their eyes and fingers. You're a good mother. +Do you need help? I think so. +It's been a while. This was my very first slow dance. +Tell him how you made me fall in love with you. I smiled at him. +I smiled at him. Watch out for the smile, boys. +Let's see if you've gotten any better. Oh, I'm worse. Much, much worse. +Maybe you shouldn't come everyday. No. Why? I like to be with Sam. +No. Why? I like to be with Sam. It's just that there's less that Adam and Ryan can do anymore. I'd hate to have them bored. +I know they're not much help, but they love coming here, George. How much time do they get to spend with their dad? +How much time do they get to spend with their dad? What is it with this? They wouldn't spend less time with Peter if they lived here! He has no time! +Do you know Alyssa thinks something is up with us? She's giving me crap about being away from Peter and now you're trying to do the same thing! What no one seems to realize is that Peter isn't there! He's not there! And when he is, he isn't! So, if you don't want me here, or you don't want my kids here, just tell me, George. I'll stop coming. But it won't be because of Peter. It'll be because you asked me to stop. Say what you need to say, because I'm not leaving until I hear it. I'd rather you not be here. +I thought we were helping. I can hire workers to help me. +Nothing is going on with us, is it? Going on? +Going on? When I picked you up from the train station...what you said. +When I picked you up from the train station...what you said. What did I say? +What did I say? That thing about I was the most, you know, beautiful person you had ever known. What was that? +That thing about I was the most, you know, beautiful person you had ever known. What was that? That was the truth. +That was the truth. You've never said that before. +You've never said that before. I'll say a lot of things I've never said before. It's habit. +I'll say a lot of things I've never said before. It's habit. It sounded like a pick-up line. +It sounded like a pick-up line. I can't pick you up. +I'm married. You bit my finger. +You bit my finger. If I weren't married? +Let's not do this, okay? I need to know. +I need to know. You need to know what? Do I still love you? +Is your back still killing you? I didn't think you'd come today. +I didn't think you'd come today. I kept thinking about it, what you said... I hope you were trying to keep me away fro the sake of me. +I kept thinking about it, what you said... I hope you were trying to keep me away fro the sake of me. No. Mostly me. +No. Mostly me. Peter left me yesterday. +Peter left me yesterday. Left you? +Left you? No goodbye. No fuck you. No 'Are you in love with George?' +No goodbye. No fuck you. No 'Are you in love with George?' What did he say? +What did he say? 'I'll be in the bedroom.' +Back. Neck. Back. What? +I could die. So could I. +Are you going to kiss me? It's not my back that's killing me. +Don't move! I'm an idiot to have you up there. +I better get the kids home. Not a perfect day. +Been thinking? No. +It'll take you like twenty, thirty minutes. Does Alyssa know? +Does Alyssa know? Nothing. +Nothing. You got any weed? +You got any weed? You got the money? +What's your deal with Alyssa? Don't even...I'm there. +Don't even...I'm there. I wasn't sure. +I wasn't sure. She wouldn't even fucking go out with until she was sixteen. I mean, that's not even a rule, just her own thing. She like figures things out on her own and then that's it. +He already knows everything about what he can't do. You can tell him not to even look at you, if you want. I'm thinking it's too weird now. +It's just a joke. A stupid joke. I could use the money. +He said he heard hammering. Who? +What are you talking about? I'm sixteen years old. I'm underage. How could I possibly threaten you? +What the fuck? Everything happens for a reason. That's what my dad said. +Everything happens for a reason. That's what my dad said. Then you tell me, what just happened? +Then you tell me, what just happened? The payoff. +I don't have a clue anymore. I wish you'd talk to him. He needs a man. His father is a man. +His father is a man. A man he respects. +We've eaten. Is Lois still here? I'm starved. +Is Lois still here? I'm starved. I'll make you something. +Do you think it's odd your kids don't hug you? Should I? +Should I? It would worry me. +If I let everything that should worry me, worry me, I'd be dead from worry. What would you be if you asked Adam and Ryan to run in now and hug you? +What would you be if you asked Adam and Ryan to run in now and hug you? I'd be you. +To shave your chest? We should take a vacation. +The biggest waste of time since television. Do you remember anything I've said that wasn't negative? +I'd love to drive through New England in the Fall. Sooner than the Fall. +After the kids are back in school. Lois will stay with them. Or we can pawn them off on your parents. +I'm helping George build his house. What? +What? I've been helping for the last few days. Weeks. Sam's working. I told you Sam was working. I mean, he really is. +I've been helping for the last few days. Weeks. Sam's working. I told you Sam was working. I mean, he really is. Good. That was the plan. We couldn't stand him and George needed help. +I can't go right now. You can't go because of Sam? +You can't go because of Sam? We haven't been away together for three years. What difference does a few months make? +We haven't been away together for three years. What difference does a few months make? You can't go with me because of Sam? +You can't go with me because of Sam? Sam is working at something for the first time in his life. Once in a while he even talks to me. I want to be around for that. +Sam is working at something for the first time in his life. Once in a while he even talks to me. I want to be around for that. So am I, Robin. I'm working at something, too. I'm even talking. Do you want to be around for it? +I was talking about our marriage. I know. +That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? What are you doing home? +What are you doing home? I always felt I could never marry you without first showing you what a fabulous life you cloud live despite me. +You never really trusted me. You live a fabulous life, Robin. +You live a fabulous life, Robin. Despite you. +Despite you. I never asked for more. +I never asked for more. That's the problem. +That's the problem. Please don't leave me. +Where are the kids? Sam took them to a movie. +Sam took them to a movie. I'll be in the bedroom. +I hardly recognize you with a beard. That was my plan...to be hardly recognizable to you as me. +That was my plan...to be hardly recognizable to you as me. I feel in love with George again. +Thanks for talking about me behind my back...useful in court. Are you wearing eye shadow? +No. Take it off. +Do it now! If I walk out the door, who's gonna be here tonight for the follow through? +You don't look like you. Either do you. +I thought I might be able to help, but it looks like you have all you can handle. Do you like red? +Hey. Hey. +Hey. You got a dog? +You got a dog? It's not ours. It's George's. +I've missed you guys. Why? +Do you know anything about building a house? No. +No. I guess I could teach you some things. +I guess I could teach you some things. Okay. +What are you doing in my room? I didn't go in your room. +I didn't go in your room. I locked the door! Get out! I locked the door! Get out! +There were no PG's. So I just gave them money to play games. Can you stay for dinner? +Can you stay for dinner? Depends on what I'd give up on. +The door was open. I don't know what I'm doing. +I don't know what I'm doing. I wouldn't let Adam or Ryan see you doing it. +You're sure about this? Yeah. +Yeah. You could keep it and rent it out? +You could keep it and rent it out? This is what he wants. +This is what he wants. I read the letter. You read the will. He wants you to keep it. To live in it some day. +I read the letter. You read the will. He wants you to keep it. To live in it some day. Then maybe this isn't what he wants, but this what he was hoping for. Maybe it's what I want. +Run downstairs and give your dad a hug. Why? +Why? He'll be gone for his birthday. +Queer. What did you say? +What did you say? Dad said it first. +Why do we have to get up and eat with you this early? I just thought it would be nice. +All day again? Not all day. I'll be home after lunch. +Ryan, would you rather swim or work? Can we really help build a house? +I brought a few of my own. Someone stop her! +Adam, that's not true! Yes, it is. +Yes, it is. Would you stop being ridiculous? Your father wants Sam home as much as I do. +Nothing R, okay? Enough for drinks, popcorn and candy! +Go tell your father we're eating. Dad's home, already? +Dad's home, already? In the bedroom. +They ain't men, Mae Rose. They're convicts. And nigger convicts to boot. Can you say nigger? Nagger? +Nagger? No, nigger. +No, nigger. Nigger. +Nigger. That's my girl. +A night in the hole? Better make it a week. +She'll be fine. She just had a bit of a shock. Is Mae Rose okay? +Is Mae Rose okay? She's doing just fine. +She's doing just fine. And the baby? +And the baby? He's a big one. +He's a big one. It's a boy! Well, let's get a look at him. +Biscuit, when you're done with Jangle Leg, you think you could squeeze me in? Thought you'd never ask. Biscuit needs some gravy. +Thought you'd never ask. Biscuit needs some gravy. I'm talking about a haircut. +I'm talking about a haircut. Cost you a pair of nylons. +Don't take it so hard, Biscuit. She don't mean nothin' to him. Hell with him. It ain't that. +These are free papers. What am I gonna do out there, Ray? I can't go home to my mama like this. I'll get the strap for sure. +What am I gonna do out there, Ray? I can't go home to my mama like this. I'll get the strap for sure. Come on, Biscuit, this is good news. Your mama's gonna break down in tears when you show up on her doorstep. +It's 1945. It's a different world now. Not for me, it ain't. +Not for me, it ain't. Well you can't stay here, Biscuit. This ain't no life for a man. Any one of these fellas would give their right arm to be in your shoes. I sure know I would. +We get the games on the radio sometimes. We played down in Jackson yesterday. Heard a rumor you've got a boy up here who can hit the ball a ton. +We played down in Jackson yesterday. Heard a rumor you've got a boy up here who can hit the ball a ton. You probably mean Can't Get Right. That's him over there. +You probably mean Can't Get Right. That's him over there. Can't Get Right? That's the kid's name? Can I talk to him? +Can't Get Right? That's the kid's name? Can I talk to him? You can try, but you won't get too far. Why you interested? +You can try, but you won't get too far. Why you interested? Crawford's are always looking for new talent. +Crawford's are always looking for new talent. Maybe you didn't notice, but this is a prison. +Maybe you didn't notice, but this is a prison. There are ways around that. Right sergeant? +Yo, Blocker, what's going on here? Kid's getting out. I got him a pardon. +Kid's getting out. I got him a pardon. Yeah, but what about me and Ray? I didn't see our names on that pardon. You said you were gonna put in a good word for us. +Yeah, but what about me and Ray? I didn't see our names on that pardon. You said you were gonna put in a good word for us. I did, Claude. I mentioned you. I mentioned you both. But the fact is, pardons don't come cheap. The kid can hit. What can you do? +Look, I am truly sorry about this. I'd like to help you... But you can't. +But you can't. At least the kid's getting out. Isn't this what you wanted? +Oh, no, Ray. Not tonight. Spanky's not happy with you. Is Spanky here? +Is Spanky here? No, but... +No, but... Then what's the problem? +Then what's the problem? Do yourself a favor and find another place where they let you in the front door. +Do yourself a favor and find another place where they let you in the front door. But this is where the action is and I have to be where the action is. Look, when your old lady wanted those alligator shoes, didn't I come through for you? Ain't she stepping in style now? +But this is where the action is and I have to be where the action is. Look, when your old lady wanted those alligator shoes, didn't I come through for you? Ain't she stepping in style now? Yeah... +Yeah... Well, alright then. What do you think about this new tie? +Well, alright then. What do you think about this new tie? Sharp. +Sharp. I look good tonight. And I feel lucky, too. +Yeah. My name's Yvette. Sylvia sent me. You look just like she said. +My name's Yvette. Sylvia sent me. You look just like she said. She's alright, isn't she? +She's alright, isn't she? Oh, she's fine. She's just not coming today. +Oh, she's fine. She's just not coming today. Why not? +Why not? She got married last month. +She got married last month. Married? +Married? Real nice guy, too. Trumpet player. They moved down to New Orleans. +She always said that if you were on the outside... But I'm not on the outside. I'm in here. +But I'm not on the outside. I'm in here. I know she's sorry she won't be seeing you anymore. Anyway, she wanted me to take care of you. +I know she's sorry she won't be seeing you anymore. Anyway, she wanted me to take care of you. Take care of me? +Take care of me? You know, go to the tonk or whatever. +You know, go to the tonk or whatever. I'm too old for you. Besides, I'm not much in the mood. +I'm too old for you. Besides, I'm not much in the mood. Want me to come back some other time? +Want me to come back some other time? Nice girl like you don't belong in a place like this. But if you talk to Sylvia, tell her old Claude said congratulations. +Damn dentures slipping again. Everything falls apart when you grow old, eh, Claude? Time sure marches on. Yes, boss. +Yes, boss. You know, I'm fixing on retiring at the end of the summer, gonna try to enjoy what few years I have left. What do you think of this place? It's one of those new retirement communities down on the Gulf. +I apologize, Claude. That was rude of me. That's alright, boss. Takes a lot more than a colorful brochure to hurt my feelings. +That's alright, boss. Takes a lot more than a colorful brochure to hurt my feelings. You been on the farm for quite a spell, haven't you? +You been on the farm for quite a spell, haven't you? Over forty years now. Me and Ray Gibson out there. +Forty years. That's a long time for any crime, even murder. It's a hell of a lot longer when you're innocent. +It's a hell of a lot longer when you're innocent. Half the men in this prison swear they're innocent. Don't you think that's kinda funny? +Half the men in this prison swear they're innocent. Don't you think that's kinda funny? You have to forgive me if I don't laugh. +You know I trust you, Claude. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. I'll be right back. +Goodnight, Mr. Wilkins. Mr. Pike. Goodnight, Claude. +Cool it, Ray. You're gonna get us in a lot of trouble. He's right, Gibson. Put down the gun and we'll work this out. +Claude, mind helping me to the bathroom? Sure, boss. +Sure, boss. I'm not your boss. Not anymore. +I got it... boss. He don't sound like he's from 'round here. +I don't see no wedding ring, Banks. Conjugal visits are for married prisoners only. You think you could make an exception just this once, boss? She came all the way down from New York. +You think you could make an exception just this once, boss? She came all the way down from New York. I don't need the Baptists on my back, but I suppose I could issue a temporary marriage license for a nominal fee. +Craddock!... Williams... Henshaw!... Banks! Here! +Comfortable? As a pair of fur-lined bedroom slippers, boss. +As a pair of fur-lined bedroom slippers, boss. We'll see what those slippers feel like after, say, 24 hours. And if you step down off them bottles -- if one toe so much as touches the dirt -- one of these boys is gonna shoot you dead. Let's see. We need a special man for this job. +For the kind of money they charge here, you'd think they could hire somebody to actually wash the dishes. Claude. Here's to your new job down at the bank. I always knew you'd make something of yourself. +Claude. Here's to your new job down at the bank. I always knew you'd make something of yourself. Know what I'm going to buy with my first pay check? +Season tickets to the Yankees. Right there on the first base line. What's wrong, baby? I was hoping you were gonna say an engagement ring, Claude. +Engagement ring! That's what respectable folks do. Get a job, get married, start having babies. That's what you want, isn't it? +That's what respectable folks do. Get a job, get married, start having babies. That's what you want, isn't it? Sure it is. I just don't see any reason to rush into things. Damn, look at this shirt. I'll be right back. +Come on, honey, let's get out of here. But I'm having a good time... +Did you go see my cousin Maynard like I asked you in my letter? Of course I did. He said he'd file an appeal right away. You didn't tell me he was so good looking. +Of course I did. He said he'd file an appeal right away. You didn't tell me he was so good looking. Yeah, that side of the family has all the looks and none of the brains. I hope he don't mess things up. +Yeah, that side of the family has all the looks and none of the brains. I hope he don't mess things up. He seemed like a pretty good lawyer to me. His offices take up an entire floor of that big, new building on 125th Street, and he was using all these words I never heard before. He even offered me a job. +He seemed like a pretty good lawyer to me. His offices take up an entire floor of that big, new building on 125th Street, and he was using all these words I never heard before. He even offered me a job. A job, huh? Well, that's nice, real nice. You won't have to work long. I'll be back soon enough. After I start work at First Federal Bank of Manhattan, I'll be keeping you in style. Everything will get back to normal again. That's a promise. +Listen, Claude, Maynard wanted to know if he should file the appeal on behalf of your friend, too. Ray Gibson? No, no. He's the reason I'm in here, Daisy. For all I know, he's got a record a mile long. I got a better shot of getting out of here on my own. You tell Maynard to think about me, concentrate on me. Understand? +Ray Gibson? No, no. He's the reason I'm in here, Daisy. For all I know, he's got a record a mile long. I got a better shot of getting out of here on my own. You tell Maynard to think about me, concentrate on me. Understand? Sure, Claude, whatever you say. +I've never seen you in here before. That's because I've never been here before. +That's because I've never been here before. I'm Sylvia. What's your name? +Can't you remember your own name? "I know it begins with a ""C""..." +"I know it begins with a ""C""..." "Well, Mr. ""C"", how about buying a girl a drink? Two bourbons." +"Well, Mr. ""C"", how about buying a girl a drink? Two bourbons." I really shouldn't. I gotta keep an eye on my friend. +I really shouldn't. I gotta keep an eye on my friend. He looks like he can take care of himself. +Claude. That's my name. Claude. That's never happened before. You're cute. You have any money, Claude? +You're cute. You have any money, Claude? Ten dollars. But I need it to get home. +Ten dollars. But I need it to get home. Why would you want to go home? It's so early. +Don't I know you? I don't think so. +I don't think so. Sure I do. What's your name again? +Sure I do. What's your name again? Claude Banks. +Claude Banks. Claude Banks. How could I forget that? You've got to remember me. Ray Gibson. We went to high school together. +Claude Banks. How could I forget that? You've got to remember me. Ray Gibson. We went to high school together. You went to Monroe? +You went to Monroe? That's right! Good old Monroe... +Here, this belongs to you. It was empty when I found it. Good old Monroe. +What I want to know is what happened to your cush between the time that you got up from the table and when I caught up with you in the Johnny? I don't see where that's any of your business. +I don't see where that's any of your business. Did those two muscle heads shake you down? Swear I've seen them down at the track with Sure-shot Riley. That's it, ain't it? A gambling debt. +Where they taking us, anyway? Probably to Spanky's headquarters down at the pier. +Probably to Spanky's headquarters down at the pier. Good, I'm looking forward to meeting this Spanky. Give me a chance to straighten out this whole mess. +Good, I'm looking forward to meeting this Spanky. Give me a chance to straighten out this whole mess. I can't wait to see that. You slay me, man. +What are they gonna do to us? You? Dine and ditch, right? Over ten bucks? You're probably looking at a thumb. +You? Dine and ditch, right? Over ten bucks? You're probably looking at a thumb. A thumb? What do you mean, like cut it off? For ten bucks? That include the tip? +Come on, daddy-o. You haven't said a word since we started. Least you could do is make some friendly conversation. Look, man, I don't want friendly conversation. I don't want to be your friend. I've seen your friends and I don't like them. I just want to do this thing and get back to New York in time to start my job. +Look, man, I don't want friendly conversation. I don't want to be your friend. I've seen your friends and I don't like them. I just want to do this thing and get back to New York in time to start my job. Start your job? What kind of job? +Start your job? What kind of job? Well, if you must know, bank teller at First Federal of Manhattan. I'm responsible for keeping track of hundreds, occasionally thousands of dollars. +Well, if you must know, bank teller at First Federal of Manhattan. I'm responsible for keeping track of hundreds, occasionally thousands of dollars. That's some long green. +That's some long green. Damn straight, it is. I got my own set of keys because I'm supposed to open up. So if I ain't there 8 a.m. Monday morning, there's gonna be hell to pay. +What? Nothing. +Nothing. No, tell me what's so funny. +No, tell me what's so funny. I don't know. Bank teller. Sounds like ladies work to me. +I don't know. Bank teller. Sounds like ladies work to me. Well, maybe I should dig around in other people's clothes for money. It's obviously been highly successful for you. +Well, maybe I should dig around in other people's clothes for money. It's obviously been highly successful for you. Hey, you'd be surprised what you find in other people's pockets. Just gotta avoid them deadbeat bank tellers. Get you every time. +Hey, you'd be surprised what you find in other people's pockets. Just gotta avoid them deadbeat bank tellers. Get you every time. I didn't start out to be a bank teller. I was gonna be a ballplayer. Even had an offer to play short for the Newark Eagles. +I didn't start out to be a bank teller. I was gonna be a ballplayer. Even had an offer to play short for the Newark Eagles. Why didn't you take it? +Why didn't you take it? The Negro League don't pay so good. And you're always on the road. That don't wash with Daisy. +The Negro League don't pay so good. And you're always on the road. That don't wash with Daisy. You gave up baseball to be a bank teller? I can't latch on to that. +You gave up baseball to be a bank teller? I can't latch on to that. At some point a man's got to get serious about his future. I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about. +At some point a man's got to get serious about his future. I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about. You're talking about giving up baseball to be a bank teller. +You're talking about giving up baseball to be a bank teller. Bank teller's just a start. I got plans. Real plans. Not opening some Zoom-Boom Room. This time next year I'll be a loan officer. +Bank teller's just a start. I got plans. Real plans. Not opening some Zoom-Boom Room. This time next year I'll be a loan officer. A loan officer? +A loan officer? That's right, a loan officer. +That's right, a loan officer. So you mean, if I needed some jack to get my nightclub up and running, I'd have to hype some square like you? +So you mean, if I needed some jack to get my nightclub up and running, I'd have to hype some square like you? Uh-huh. +How would I get a loan, anyway? You need collateral. +You need collateral. Like this? +Like this? That thing? Who'd you steal it from? +That thing? Who'd you steal it from? My daddy gave me this watch. +My daddy gave me this watch. Yeah? Who'd he steal it from? +Yeah? Who'd he steal it from? My daddy is dead so watch your mouth. You can say what you want about me, but don't be dragging my daddy into it. This watch means the world to me. Solid gold. Keeps perfect time. +My daddy is dead so watch your mouth. You can say what you want about me, but don't be dragging my daddy into it. This watch means the world to me. Solid gold. Keeps perfect time. Looks like a fake to me. Loan denied! +Ah, go chase yourself. I'll take my business elsewhere. And for future reference, you are no longer welcome at Ray's Boom-Boom Room. There is no Boom-Boom Room. +There is no Boom-Boom Room. When there is, you can forget about it. And I swear to God, you ever talk about my daddy again I'm gonna kick your bank-telling, loan-denying ass, you got me? +When there is, you can forget about it. And I swear to God, you ever talk about my daddy again I'm gonna kick your bank-telling, loan-denying ass, you got me? Oooh... +Oooh... I think I liked you better when you kept your trap shut. +Maybe we oughta find another place. Are you kidding? Tell me you don't want a slice of that pie right over there. +Are you kidding? Tell me you don't want a slice of that pie right over there. I must have left my appetite outside, which is where I think we ought to be right now. +"You mean this sign? The one that says ""No Coloreds Allowed."" That's a good question. Ray, how come we missed the sign?" Look, ma'am, we've been driving all day. We'd just like to purchase one of those pies and we'll be on our way. +Thanks for backing me up here, Uncle Claude. Don't Uncle Claude me. You get a load of those crackers? Couldn't be a mouthful of teeth among the bunch of 'em. Why you want to pick a fight with people like that for? +Don't Uncle Claude me. You get a load of those crackers? Couldn't be a mouthful of teeth among the bunch of 'em. Why you want to pick a fight with people like that for? You're soft. +You're soft. What'd you say? +I said you're soft. Hey, man, don't ever call me that. +Hey, man, don't ever call me that. I call it like I see it, and what I see is definitely soft. +Alright. You want some pie? Yeah, I want some pie. +Yeah, I want some pie. Okay then, I'm gonna walk over to that counter and get us some fucking pie. +Nice meeting you? You've been here before, haven't you? What gave you that idea? +What gave you that idea? Oh, I don't know, maybe because our lives depend on it, I just sort of thought you knew what you were doing! +Oh, I don't know, maybe because our lives depend on it, I just sort of thought you knew what you were doing! Don't get all agitated on me. I bought a bottle of rum from a couple of dudes, I heard 'em talking... +Don't get all agitated on me. I bought a bottle of rum from a couple of dudes, I heard 'em talking... Let me get this straight. We drove all the way down to Klan country 'cause you heard a couple of guys talking? +Let me get this straight. We drove all the way down to Klan country 'cause you heard a couple of guys talking? What are you complaining about? It worked out. Everything's cool. Now, come on, let's head down there and see what's shaking. We deserve a little reward. +What are you complaining about? It worked out. Everything's cool. Now, come on, let's head down there and see what's shaking. We deserve a little reward. Reward? +Reward? There are people down there having fun. I want to be one of them. I want you to be one of them. On Monday you can be a bank teller if you want, but tonight you're a bootlegger with a truck full of Puerto Rican rum and a fistful of cash. +Hey, Ray. I've been looking for you. Here I am. +Here I am. Guess we better get going, huh? +Guess we better get going, huh? Still got that ten dollars? +Still got that ten dollars? Well, not exactly. See, I met this girl. Real nice girl. God-fearing girl. Her name's Sylvia. +Well, not exactly. See, I met this girl. Real nice girl. God-fearing girl. Her name's Sylvia. That jelly you were talking to right here? +That jelly you were talking to right here? She's in a tight spot. Her mama needs this operation, and they ain't got the money for it. Their church took up a collection but they were still short... +She's in a tight spot. Her mama needs this operation, and they ain't got the money for it. Their church took up a collection but they were still short... So you made a generous contribution. +So you made a generous contribution. What can I say? When the spirit moves me. +What can I say? When the spirit moves me. That was mighty charitable of you, Claude. Looks like we both got fucked tonight. +That was mighty charitable of you, Claude. Looks like we both got fucked tonight. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? While you were upstairs doing God's work, I was getting jack-legged by a fool with four threes. +While you were upstairs doing God's work, I was getting jack-legged by a fool with four threes. You lost all our money in a card game? +You lost all our money in a card game? He even got my daddy's watch. +He even got my daddy's watch. Fuck that cheap-ass watch -- I mean, how the hell are we gonna get home without any money? +Fuck that cheap-ass watch -- I mean, how the hell are we gonna get home without any money? We've still got 36 cases of rum. That's better than money. +I think he's hurt pretty bad. He's dead. +He's dead. Oh, man, I've never seen a dead body before! +What do you think you're doing?! The man's been dead for two seconds! Don't you have any respect? It ain't here. +It ain't here. What ain't there? +What ain't there? My daddy's watch. This is the dude I was telling you about -- +Yeah, nobody puts 'em away like old what's-his-name. Winston. His name's Winston. +Winston. His name's Winston. Come on, Ray, better get Winston back to the truck. +Would you look at that, Ray. Winston up and died on us. Hell with him then. If he can't share the driving, he can't ride in the truck. +Man, this is gonna delay everything. Spanky's gonna be pissed. Spanky's gonna be pissed? Poor Spanky. Fuck Spanky! What the hell kind of a name is Spanky, anyway? You're responsible for this situation. I blame you for everything. If it wasn't for you, I'd be home having a hot meal right now. +Spanky's gonna be pissed? Poor Spanky. Fuck Spanky! What the hell kind of a name is Spanky, anyway? You're responsible for this situation. I blame you for everything. If it wasn't for you, I'd be home having a hot meal right now. "If it wasn't for me, you'd be washing up on the beach at Coney Island right now. ""I need all my thumbs and fingers for praying and doing good.""" +Life?! How long is life? We were just walking back to the truck. We didn't do nothing! Fuck life! Life?! What's life mean? There's no way I can do life. I got a job starts Monday morning! +I wouldn't do that if I was you. Shut up. It's too damn hot. What do you know, anyway? +Why do you think they call him Jangle Leg? Somebody just told me he wins the three-legged race every year. +Somebody just told me he wins the three-legged race every year. So? +So? He does it all by himself. +This fork is filthy. The fork is the least of your worries, Claude. +What a second, you've been in here since you were thirteen? What about you, Radio? +I kinda lost track of how many people we killed that night. Must have been 15 or twenty -- not counting women and children. It was a real bloodbath. All that screaming... Pack of lies. Don't listen to him. We didn't kill nobody. We were railroaded. And we gonna prove that. +Pack of lies. Don't listen to him. We didn't kill nobody. We were railroaded. And we gonna prove that. He just blocked it out. Nigger's crazy. He's the one who did all the stabbing. He's capable of some heinous shit. How 'bout him down there? +No, man. I want you to have it. Wait up there, Claude. You give that guy your corn bread and the next thing you know you'll be ironing his shirts and clipping his toenails. +Cookie drew me a map to Greenville. So? +So? You know what I'm saying. +You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I know what your saying. And I'm saying if you made it that far, they'd be watching every train that pulls out of that station. +Yeah, I know what your saying. And I'm saying if you made it that far, they'd be watching every train that pulls out of that station. That's why we won't take the train. Cookie showed me where there's a farm house. They got a boat there. +That's why we won't take the train. Cookie showed me where there's a farm house. They got a boat there. What do you know about boats? I bet you can't even swim. +What I know about boats is they take you to freedom. Come on, man. I think we can do this. Why are you always talking about we? There is no we. There is a me, there is a you. But there is no we between us. +You want out of this place, don't you? Don't tell me you're starting to like it here. No, I don't like it here. Look around. There's nothing but ass. Male ass! Balls and ass! Believe you me, I'm getting out of here. +No, I don't like it here. Look around. There's nothing but ass. Male ass! Balls and ass! Believe you me, I'm getting out of here. What does that mean? +What does that mean? Forget it. +Forget it. I'm not gonna forget it. What does that mean? If you've got a plan, I think I have a right to know about it. I told you my plan. +I'm not gonna forget it. What does that mean? If you've got a plan, I think I have a right to know about it. I told you my plan. Getting a map from a chubby chef named Cookie? Dragging our asses through the swamps in search of some worm-eaten boat? That ain't a plan, that's a vacation for two in the hole. When you've got a map to New York City, you get back to me. +Maynard Banks, Esquire. Attorney at law. Gimme that. That doesn't concern you. +Gimme that. That doesn't concern you. I'm sure it don't. +What's up, Ray? Claude. +Claude. Sure is hot today. Think it'll rain later? +Sure is hot today. Think it'll rain later? What do you want, Claude? +What do you want, Claude? What do I want? What makes you think I want something? +What do I want? What makes you think I want something? My daddy always said when a man starts talking about the weather keep you hand on your wallet. +My daddy always said when a man starts talking about the weather keep you hand on your wallet. Your daddy must have been a helluva guy, a deep man, a wise man. Sure wish I could have met him -- +Your daddy must have been a helluva guy, a deep man, a wise man. Sure wish I could have met him -- Cut the bullshit. What do you want, Claude? +Cut the bullshit. What do you want, Claude? You still got that map? +You still got that map? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, if you're still thinking about booking it, I want in. I think we can make it. +Well, if you're still thinking about booking it, I want in. I think we can make it. We? Did I hear you say we? As I recall, you're the one who said there is no we. Guess we got some bad news in that letter, huh? +We? Did I hear you say we? As I recall, you're the one who said there is no we. Guess we got some bad news in that letter, huh? Look, my cousin Maynard is a lawyer. He filed an appeal on my behalf -- +Look, my cousin Maynard is a lawyer. He filed an appeal on my behalf -- On your behalf. What happened to we? +On your behalf. What happened to we? The appeal was denied. Then Daisy went and fell for Maynard. They're engaged to be married, can you believe that? +The appeal was denied. Then Daisy went and fell for Maynard. They're engaged to be married, can you believe that? Well, let's just think about that for a moment. He's a successful lawyer up in New York City and you're down here with a bright future in the cotton picking business. Eeny, meeny, miney, Maynard. +Well, let's just think about that for a moment. He's a successful lawyer up in New York City and you're down here with a bright future in the cotton picking business. Eeny, meeny, miney, Maynard. Come on, man. Don't shut me out. I'm telling you, you and me, that map, we can go places. +Come on, man. Don't shut me out. I'm telling you, you and me, that map, we can go places. You know what, Claude? This whole time we've been down here, you've done nothing but think about yourself, acting like this whole thing is my fault. That plan with your cousin, did that include me? +No. At least you're honest for once. So now you want to be my friend? Well, let me tell you something, Claude-my- shit-don't-stink-Banks. You got a lot to learn about friendship. +At least you're honest for once. So now you want to be my friend? Well, let me tell you something, Claude-my- shit-don't-stink-Banks. You got a lot to learn about friendship. Does that mean I'm in? +Does that mean I'm in? I don't think so, Claude. You'd just slow me down. We'd have to stop every five minutes so you could polish your silverware. There's no way around it, you're soft. +I don't think so, Claude. You'd just slow me down. We'd have to stop every five minutes so you could polish your silverware. There's no way around it, you're soft. What'd you say? +What'd you say? I said you're soft. +I said you're soft. Don't call me that. You know I hate it when you call me that. +You did it, man! You got us out! Next stop, New York City! New York's a long way's off. Let's just keep moving, okay? +I know these trees all look the same, but I'm getting an awful familiar vibration from this one right here. You sure you know where we're going? Absolutely. The map is very clear. +Absolutely. The map is very clear. Let me take a look at that map. +You call this a map? What was Cookie smoking when he drew this? Cookie didn't draw it. I did. +Cookie didn't draw it. I did. You drew this?! +You drew this?! I knew you wouldn't come if I didn't have a map. +I knew you wouldn't come if I didn't have a map. That gripes my soul, man. We're out here in the middle of nowhere. There is shit nibbling at my balls! Don't tell me you don't know where we're going! +Come on, Ray, time to go! I'm stuck! +Don't mention it. Hell, you'd probably be half way to New York by now... +Hell, you'd probably be half way to New York by now... I'm serious, man. Don't mention it. Ever. +Keep it together, Claude. You wake up the man, he'll shoot you for sure. He'd be doing me a favor. I'm getting outta here one way or the other! Goddamn rats and shit! Fuck! +All right, man, just settle down. We'll get outta here, Claude. We'll get outta here real soon. How the fuck are we gonna do that, Ray?! +We'll just get off at the next stop. Say what? +Say what? That's right, we'll get off at the next stop. The train's pulling into the station right now. +That's right, we'll get off at the next stop. The train's pulling into the station right now. The hell you talking about? What train? +The hell you talking about? What train? We're in the Bronx, my man. Hundred and Sixty First Street. +Hundred and Sixty First Street? That's Yankee Stadium. Hell, yes, Yankee Stadium. Bombers are playing a double-header against the Red Sox. +Hell, yes, Yankee Stadium. Bombers are playing a double-header against the Red Sox. Red Sox... Who's on the mound? +Red Sox... Who's on the mound? I don't know. Who do you want? +I don't know. Who do you want? Allie Reynolds. He's my boy. +Allie Reynolds. He's my boy. Sure, it says Allie Reynolds right here in the program. He's warming up right now. Man, we're so close to the field I need cleats. How'd you get such good seats? +Sure, it says Allie Reynolds right here in the program. He's warming up right now. Man, we're so close to the field I need cleats. How'd you get such good seats? I know people. +I know people. They must be the right people. Whoa, there goes the hot dog man. Let's get a couple. Damn, that smells good. Nothing like a ballpark hot dog, huh? +They must be the right people. Whoa, there goes the hot dog man. Let's get a couple. Damn, that smells good. Nothing like a ballpark hot dog, huh? You get ketchup? +You get ketchup? Ketchup? Who eats ketchup on a hot dog? Mustard's what you want. +Ketchup? Who eats ketchup on a hot dog? Mustard's what you want. I can't eat it with mustard. +Give me back that hot dog. I'll eat it myself. What am I gonna eat? +What am I gonna eat? You can starve to death for all I care. Now shut up, the game's about to start. +You can starve to death for all I care. Now shut up, the game's about to start. Hey, man, is Babe Ruth in the lineup today? +Hey, man, is Babe Ruth in the lineup today? Of course, he's in the lineup. There he goes right there. Hey, Babe...! +What you're dealing with here is a complete lack of talent. I'm sick of watching Camp 12 win the championship. Every year they get to roast the victory pig and we get dick. This year I want that pig. +You want to hit? Yo, Claude. Give Can't Get Right a shot. Him? +Him? Can't be worse than any of these other fools. +Can't be worse than any of these other fools. All right, grab the bat. Let's see what you can do. +Judge must have money riding on the championship. Don't matter who Camp 12 puts on the mound. All I know is when this season's over Camp 8's gonna have pork chops. +It's amazing what Ray here can do with a couple of pounds of potato skins and some molasses. So, Blocker, what do you think of our boy? +What about us? Don't forget to mention us. We're like his handlers. He can't function without us. +God may have given it, but Claude Banks spotted it and nurtured it. Damn straight. I expect those Pittsburgh Crawdads to remember that. +Damn straight. I expect those Pittsburgh Crawdads to remember that. Crawfords. +Crawfords. Whatever. +It's a pardon from the governor. Let me see that. +Let it go, Claude. I'm not gonna let it go. The man needs to explain himself. Makin' promises. +You show them Crawfords how to play ball. Make 'em throw strikes. +One of the new kids said they're farming those acres just north of the swamp. He said he saw a crop duster flying around the place. I'm not in the mood right now, Ray. +I'm not in the mood right now, Ray. He said they keep it parked out behind the barn. Can't be that hard to fly a plane. Lots of people do it. +He said they keep it parked out behind the barn. Can't be that hard to fly a plane. Lots of people do it. They're called pilots! I'm serious, Ray. I'm not in the mood for one of your stupid, fucked-up plans right now. +They're called pilots! I'm serious, Ray. I'm not in the mood for one of your stupid, fucked-up plans right now. I don't see you coming up with any plans. +I don't see you coming up with any plans. My plan is on his way to Pittsburgh right now. That congenital idiot just got himself a pardon signed by the governor thanks to us, but we can't seem to do nothing for ourselves. Don't you feel a little disgusted right now? +My plan is on his way to Pittsburgh right now. That congenital idiot just got himself a pardon signed by the governor thanks to us, but we can't seem to do nothing for ourselves. Don't you feel a little disgusted right now? Crop duster. +Crop duster. I ain't getting in no airplane with you. I'm finally wrapping my mind around the concept. They threw us in this shithole for life. Don't you get it, Ray? We're gonna die here! Might as well head up to the cemetery, pick a plot and start digging. +My daddy died in prison. He gave up hope and hung himself. What you're talking about is the same damn thing. That ain't how I'm going. Maybe you're fooling yourself, Ray. Maybe you're just a chip off the old block. +Maybe you're fooling yourself, Ray. Maybe you're just a chip off the old block. Take that back or we ain't friends no more, Claude Banks. +Take that back or we ain't friends no more, Claude Banks. Here's a news flash, Ray. We never were friends. We've just been stuck together for 12 years. It's been nothing but bad luck since the moment I ran into you. Every time I look at you I get sick to my stomach thinking about what my life could have been if I'd never bumped into Ray Gibson. +Better watch yourself Claude, before you say something you regret. The only thing I regret is the day I met you. +The only thing I regret is the day I met you. Well, if that's the way it is... +Well, if that's the way it is... That's the way it is. +That's the way it is. Then I have nothing left to say to you. +You're a sucker. I'd have taken that deal. Excuse me? Are you talking to me? +Excuse me? Are you talking to me? I'd have knocked you off those bottles, put a bullet in your ass and be half way to New York right now. +I'd have knocked you off those bottles, put a bullet in your ass and be half way to New York right now. After all these years of blissful silence, I almost forgot how annoying the sound of your voice can be. +After all these years of blissful silence, I almost forgot how annoying the sound of your voice can be. I hope you don't think I owe you anything. Because I don't owe you a damn thing. +I hope you don't think I owe you anything. Because I don't owe you a damn thing. I didn't do if for you, anyway. I just ain't no boot-licking trusty, that's all. +I was sorry to hear about your mama passing. That was five years ago. +That was five years ago. I know, but since we're talking, I thought I'd mention it. +I know, but since we're talking, I thought I'd mention it. We're not talking, you're talking, and doing too damn much of it, if you ask me. +What?! You sure looked funny running for those pies, bullets flying all around you. +You sure looked funny running for those pies, bullets flying all around you. Bullets weren't the problem. That pie was too hot. Burned my tongue. +You and Wilkins sure are getting chummy. You two planning on going steady, or something? He's just a lonely old man. He likes to talk. +He's just a lonely old man. He likes to talk. Hey, I'm a lonely old man. I like to talk, too. So why don't we start by talking about what kind of a plan you're working on? +Hey, I'm a lonely old man. I like to talk, too. So why don't we start by talking about what kind of a plan you're working on? I'm not working on a plan. +I'm not working on a plan. You can't fool me, Claude. I know you got something brewing. +You can't fool me, Claude. I know you got something brewing. Goodnight, Ray. +What the hell are you doing? Don't touch that car. +Wilkins' driver's got the flu, so he asked me to fill in for him. You haven't driven in 40 years, you ain't even got a license. Man's taking his life in his hands, putting you behind the wheel! Where you taking him? +You haven't driven in 40 years, you ain't even got a license. Man's taking his life in his hands, putting you behind the wheel! Where you taking him? Greenville. We're picking up the new Superintendent at the bus station. +Damn, it was getting hot in there. What the hell are you doing in that trunk?! +What the hell are you doing in that trunk?! You didn't think I was gonna let you escape alone, did you? +You didn't think I was gonna let you escape alone, did you? I ain't escaping! We're picking up the new super just like I told you. +I ain't escaping! We're picking up the new super just like I told you. Then you're lucky I came along. Doesn't take a visionary to spot a golden opportunity like this. Now help me out of this trunk. +Then you're lucky I came along. Doesn't take a visionary to spot a golden opportunity like this. Now help me out of this trunk. You ain't getting out of that trunk. +You ain't getting out of that trunk. Come on, man, I'm starting to cramp up here. We have the chance right here, right now, I say we go! +Come on, man, I'm starting to cramp up here. We have the chance right here, right now, I say we go! Go where, Ray? +Go where, Ray? Back to New York for starters. +Back to New York for starters. And what will we do when we get there? I'm sixty-five years old, Ray. So are you. What are we gonna do out here? Get married, have kids, settle down? That boat sailed without us, man. +And what will we do when we get there? I'm sixty-five years old, Ray. So are you. What are we gonna do out here? Get married, have kids, settle down? That boat sailed without us, man. This boat's gonna sail without you, too. I don't care if I last one day out here. At least it's one day of freedom. Now gimme those keys. +This boat's gonna sail without you, too. I don't care if I last one day out here. At least it's one day of freedom. Now gimme those keys. Forget about that. You run if you want to, but you're not taking this car. +Forget about that. You run if you want to, but you're not taking this car. Claude, man, I'm serious. Give me those keys. +Claude, man, I'm serious. Give me those keys. I ain't spending a month in the hole so you can take a joy ride. +I ain't spending a month in the hole so you can take a joy ride. Don't make me take them away from you. +Don't make me take them away from you. Hey, there's Wilkins! +You sure it was him? Some faces you just don't forget. Warren Pike's is one of 'em. +Some faces you just don't forget. Warren Pike's is one of 'em. I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. We shoulda taken that car when we had the opportunity. We'd be half way to New York by now. +I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. We shoulda taken that car when we had the opportunity. We'd be half way to New York by now. We'd be in the hole by now. Hey, man, you're peeing on my shoe. +We'd be in the hole by now. Hey, man, you're peeing on my shoe. I know. Simultaneously, they shake and zip. Claude bends down and picks up a bowl of gumbo, placing it on a tray next to an identical one. +Don't shoot, sir. I can deal with this. Ray, buddy, you don't want to shoot this white man. See, you do that, they'll kill you for sure. And it's not that I like you or anything, but I've kinda gotten used to having you around. He's got my daddy's watch, Claude. I always knew whoever took that watch killed Winston Hancock. And that was you, Mr. Pike. +No, I'm gonna kill him -- No, believe me, I'm gonna kill him! +I can't do it. That's because you're soft. Gimme the gun. +That's because you're soft. Gimme the gun. What'd you say? +What'd you say? I said you're soft. +I said you're soft. Don't call me soft, I hate it when you call me that. +Why don't he just tell 'em the truth? He knows nobody wants to hear the truth. +Nurse Humphries was checking my prostate this morning. I got an erection. An erection, huh? Haven't had one of those in a while. +An erection, huh? Haven't had one of those in a while. Tell me about it. Scared me at first. Then, before I could figure out what to do with it, it was gone. Imagine my disappointment. +Sure would like to see the house that Ruth built one more time. Well, Ruth shoulda built it a little better. Damn thing's falling to pieces. Gonna hurt somebody. +Well, Ruth shoulda built it a little better. Damn thing's falling to pieces. Gonna hurt somebody. What do you expect? It's almost as old as we are. +What do you expect? It's almost as old as we are. They oughta tear that shit down and ship them Yankees cross the river to Jersey. +They oughta tear that shit down and ship them Yankees cross the river to Jersey. Remember what that place looked like on a sunny spring day? More beautiful than any church I was ever in. +Over to the morgue and up the hill to the cemetery. Never thought I'd admit it, Claude, but you were right. 'Course I was right. About what? +'Course I was right. About what? You're the one who said that boneyard's the only way we're getting out of here. We're gonna join all the rest of 'em soon enough. Jangle Leg, Biscuit, Goldmouth, Poker Face, Cookie, Radio -- yes sir, pick a plot and start digging... +Are you trying to tell me after all this time you finally have a plan for busting out of here? Shh! Is that so hard to believe? +Shh! Is that so hard to believe? Don't tell me, I don't want to hear it. It's probably all fucked up, anyway. +Don't tell me, I don't want to hear it. It's probably all fucked up, anyway. You don't want to hear it, you don't want to hear it. There's no shame in that. +You don't want to hear it, you don't want to hear it. There's no shame in that. It's too late for plans. +It's too late for plans. Never thought I'd hear Ray Gibson say that. Hell with you then. You'd only slow me down anyway. +I can't eat this. Why the hell not? +Why the hell not? I saw that hot dog guy in the bathroom urinating. He didn't wash his hands. +Just put some mustard on it and eat it. You didn't get ketchup? +You didn't get ketchup? Gimme that damn thing. +Hell of a day for a ballgame, huh, Claude? Hell of a day, Ray. Yankees are on fire. +No, this ain't gonna work either. It's half chocolate, half vanilla. So? +So? They're touching. +If you don't eat that ice cream right now, I'm gonna strangle you until you are completely dead. Yeah? You and what army? +Yeah? You and what army? Next thing, you're gonna be complaining about the seats. +Next thing, you're gonna be complaining about the seats. Well, if you must know, they could be closer. +Well, if you must know, they could be closer. Damn, I shoulda let Spanky Johnson drown you in the river when I had the chance. +I know you're not talking to me... I'm sorry, he's on medication... +How you doin'? I'm all right. +I'm all right. You ever done time before? +You ever done time before? You kidding? I've been in and out of prison my entire life. Mostly in. I'm hard-core. +You kidding? I've been in and out of prison my entire life. Mostly in. I'm hard-core. Then you won't have no problem making the adjustment. You need anything, help of any kind, gimme a holler. Name's Jangle Leg. +Then you won't have no problem making the adjustment. You need anything, help of any kind, gimme a holler. Name's Jangle Leg. 'Preciate it. Claude. +Soft and supple. Like a lady's. I try to moisturize regularly. +What is that? Creamed chip beef on toast. Except we're outta beef, so I had to improvise. +Creamed chip beef on toast. Except we're outta beef, so I had to improvise. Can't I get one of those steaks you got grilling back there? +Can't I get one of those steaks you got grilling back there? Those are for trusties, unless you got thirty cents or two packs of cigs. +At least he didn't kill Santa Claus with his bare hands. You killed Santa Claus? +Alright, well, let's say you make it to Greenville. What's there, anyway? Grandma Dodi's Pork Rib Joint. +You got your own nightclub? Well, not yet. It's still in the planning stages. +Ray, my man, this steak is like butter! Made just for you, Cookie. +Made just for you, Cookie. How about some steak sauce? +How about some steak sauce? No problem. Oh, boy! +Why ain't his pick swinging? Why ain't that pick swinging? +Too hot, huh? Well, you tell that lazy jiggaboo the state of Mississippi ain't interested in his meteorological assessments. Listen up, jiggaboo! State of Mississippi ain't interested in your... in your... metropolitan assets! +Listen up, jiggaboo! State of Mississippi ain't interested in your... in your... metropolitan assets! Tell him the state of Mississippi is only interested in getting this ditch cleared by sundown. +Tell him the state of Mississippi is only interested in getting this ditch cleared by sundown. State of Mississippi wants this ditch cleared by sundown. You got that?! +He's from New York City. That one, too. New York. That's up north, ain't it? They'll find we do things different down here. +Looks like we got a couple of live ones. How long these boys in for? Judge gave 'em the long ride. +Judge gave 'em the long ride. Life, huh? They step outta line again, we'll shorten up that sentence real fast. +We lost yesterday on accounta the rain. That means we gotta make up for it today, so put your backs to it. You heard the boss! Let's move! +All in, boss! Move it out. +Move it out. Movin' it out, boss. +We don't need no fences at Camp 8, boss. That's right. We don't need no fences, we have the gun line. It runs from shack to shack clear around the yard. You are now inside the gun line... +Alright, listen up! I want every man lined up out here in the yard on the double! Let's move it! You heard what the man said! Move it! +Maybe I oughta eat your corn bread. My corn bread? Oh no, my friend. I love corn bread. +So it don't exist. Just because it's in my mind, Goldmouth, don't mean it ain't real. Everything worth anything starts with a dream. +You mean Louis Armstrong? He's a good friend of mine. Drops by the club whenever he's in town. +That's right, fellas. Catch any cab heading uptown. All the drivers know Ray's Boom-Boom Room. Hey, Ray... +Where am I at, man? C'mon, Goldmouth, somebody's gotta watch the front door. +Hey, the dude's holdin'. Come on, old-timer, hook the brothers up. +Hell of a way to get out. Heard they burned up in that fire yesterday. I seen the bodies before they sealed 'em up. Them fellas sizzled up good. Looked like some shit from the X- Files. Damn, that shit's nasty. +So Ray and Claude got their pardons, right? No, they didn't get their pardons, you dumb shit! If they'd got their pardons way back then, we wouldn't be burying them today, would we? +No, they didn't get their pardons, you dumb shit! If they'd got their pardons way back then, we wouldn't be burying them today, would we? Oh, right. Well, why didn't they get those pardons? +That musta messed 'em up pretty bad. What happened to 'em after that, Willie? +Man, you really bummed me out. That's a terrible story. Nigger, you crying? Hell, no! I just got something in my eye. +What do you think about that? I think that old man lost his marbles about a hundred years ago. Come on, let's get this over with. +Why do I get the feeling when you say some time, you mean some time. I was already here a good many years when they came in in 1932. +I was already here a good many years when they came in in 1932. 1932? That's like, that's like... +1932? That's like, that's like... Sixty-five years ago. They always said the farm couldn't hold 'em forever. Looks like you're finally free, boys. +Ray's special recipe. He always had exacting standards where the hooch was concerned. What were they, bootleggers? +Old man Wilkins' never came out of that bathroom. Died right there on the crapper. Just like Elvis. +Just like Elvis. Of course nobody believed Ray and Claude. +It's alright for a man to cry once in awhile. Just don't make a habit of it. Hey, Willie, what was Claude's plan, anyway? +Hey, Willie, what was Claude's plan, anyway? Nothing to it, really. Claude figured they could steal a couple of bodies from the morgue. They got a couple of crackers working there don't know their asses from their elbows. Then they was gonna set fire to the infirmary and make it look like those bodies was them that got stuck inside. Claude figured during the commotion, it wouldn't be too hard to slip onto one of the fire trucks and hang tight until it rolled right on out of here in the morning. +Mama? Rayford! +What are you doing here, mama? I heard some things so I went to see Spanky Johnson. He told me what happened and gave me some money to get down here. What happened to your face? +I heard some things so I went to see Spanky Johnson. He told me what happened and gave me some money to get down here. What happened to your face? Don't worry about that. Hey, fellas, this here is my mama. These are some of my friends. That's Willie, there's Poker Face, Radio, Cookie, Goldmouth, Biscuit, Jangle Leg. +Rayford, I wanted so much more for you than this. Don't cry, mama. This place ain't so bad as it looks. Sure, we work hard, but there's plenty fresh air and sunshine... And you know something else, I've taken to going to church regular. They got services every Sunday right there in the mess hall. +Don't cry, mama. This place ain't so bad as it looks. Sure, we work hard, but there's plenty fresh air and sunshine... And you know something else, I've taken to going to church regular. They got services every Sunday right there in the mess hall. Don't you lie to me, Rayford. You still have your daddy's watch? Well, this is all I can give you. I wish it was more. +I can't take that, mama. Don't argue with me. You need it more than I do. I know how a little money can help in a place like this. +I can't believe this. I always said I'd never end up like this. I thought I'd make something of myself, do something with my life. You know, be successful. Have a big house, a family. Now I'm gonna end up just like daddy. Don't say that, Rayford. Don't ever say that. He gave up hope. That's where you gotta be different. +Don't say that, Rayford. Don't ever say that. He gave up hope. That's where you gotta be different. They gave me life, mama. +They gave me life, mama. I gave you life. And they can't take it away from you. Remember that. You'll get outta here someday. I believe that. You gotta believe it, too. +Is everyone here? Hey, where's Claude? I don't see Claude! +Hey, where's Claude? I don't see Claude! Stay calm, Ray. We'll find him. Claude! Has anyone seen Claude? +Stay calm, Ray. We'll find him. Claude! Has anyone seen Claude? He must still be in there. +Wait for the firemen! It'll be too late. +It'll be too late. You can't go in there, Ray! You'll never make it! +You can't go in there, Ray! You'll never make it! I'm going in for him. He'd do the same for me. +Lemonade? I prefer bourbon. +I prefer bourbon. I'm sorry, I don't keep any liquor in the house. +I'm sorry, I don't keep any liquor in the house. Well, fortunately, I carry my own. +Hunting's been pretty good on the farm the last few years. It's one of the perks of the job. If you're interested, tomorrow I could show you some of my favorite spots. You don't have to twist my arm. Say now, that gumbo has quite a kick. +You don't have to twist my arm. Say now, that gumbo has quite a kick. Thank you, Claude. That'll be all for tonight. +If you don't mind my saying, you seem mighty familiar with your house boy. I believe in treating the convicts with respect, if that's what you mean. +I believe in treating the convicts with respect, if that's what you mean. Respect? Well, isn't that progressive. +Respect? Well, isn't that progressive. If somebody deserves respect, Mr. Pike, they receive it from me, convict or no convict. +What's going on here? I'm afraid I'm gonna have to teach this uppity nigger a lesson in manners. +He's crazy. Don't listen to him, Wilkins. Do you realize what your saying, Gibson? +Is there any truth to what he's saying, Pike? What difference does it make? Natchez was better off without Winston Hancock! Who cares if a couple of no- account bootleggers went to jail for his killing? At least the state of Mississippi got 40 years of cheap labor out of the deal! +Besides, why bother with bootlegging when we got us a clear cut case of murder? Excuse me, sheriff. As we explained to your associate here, there's been a mistake. We didn't kill anybody. Now, as for the bootlegging, we happen to work for a very important man in New York. +Mr. Johnson is very well connected. If you were to let us go, I guarantee he would show you his appreciation, if you know what I mean. Are you offering me a bribe? +Are you offering me a bribe? I'm just trying to pay the toll on the road to justice. +I'm just trying to pay the toll on the road to justice. You may be able to buy your way out of trouble up in New York City, but down here we take murder seriously. +Yeah, it's getting late. I could sure use a bath. That's a real nice watch you got there, sir. Fancy old thing even plays a little tune. +That's a real nice watch you got there, sir. Fancy old thing even plays a little tune. Yeah, it's special. They don't make 'em like this anymore. +Yeah, it's special. They don't make 'em like this anymore. Sure don't. Mind if I ask where you got it? +Sure don't. Mind if I ask where you got it? Why, my wife gave it to me on our anniversary some years back. +Must have been some time ago. Maybe forty years? Something like that, yes. +Something like that, yes. She give you that scar, too? +I oughta shoot you for that comment, boy. Like you shot Winston Hancock? +I'm gonna work this man's brains out the back of his head. Shoot him, Wilkins! +That watch was the only thing my daddy ever gave me. It meant the world to me. Goddamn it, Wilkins, would you please just shoot the nigger! +Goddamn it, Wilkins, would you please just shoot the nigger! He shoots me, I swear I'll take you with me! I just want to hear you say it. +Apparently, your sister died. Jenny? +Jenny? No, it says Marleen here. +Appreciate it. Anybody else need anything read? +Hey, Ray, Goldmouth don't believe me. Ain't it so they got trains up in New York City that run under the streets? They're called subways. A nickel will take you from one end of Manhattan to the other. Helluva ride, too. +Who? Satchmo. +Couple years back, Cookie made it clear to Greenville. Greenville, that the nearest town? +Hey, Ray, you ever been to the Cotton Club? Sure I've been to the Cotton Club. It's pretty sweet. But it don't hold a candle to the Boom Boom Room. That's where the real action is. +Hey, Ray, what's the name of that nightclub of yours? You mean the Boom-Boom Room? +You mean the Boom-Boom Room? That's it. The Boom-Boom Room. Sure would like to see that place when you get it up and running. +That's it. The Boom-Boom Room. Sure would like to see that place when you get it up and running. You should have come by last night, Radio. You woulda had yourself some fun. +What's your name? Me? Willie Long. +Me? Willie Long. What are you in for, Willie? +What are you in for, Willie? That's a long story... +Goldmouth? They say he was born out back behind the shithouse. That's what they say. You all been here a long time. Doesn't anybody ever escape from this place? +You all been here a long time. Doesn't anybody ever escape from this place? They run but they never get too far. +What's the Boom Boom Room? That's my joint. The swinginest nightclub in town. +Last night? What are you talking about, Ray? I'm talking about old Satchmo nearly blew the roof off the joint. +Alright Willie, I think I got everything. I'll talk to Dillard, see if I can get up to the infirmary and check up on you. Make sure they're changing your diapers regular. They'll be sending you up there soon enough. And not just for a visit, neither. +They'll be sending you up there soon enough. And not just for a visit, neither. I slipped in a couple of bottles of my latest batch. Help wash down all them pills they'll be giving you. +How you doing? We're looking for Slim. You found him. +Man, that music is hot. What goes on down there, Slim? That's Natchez-under-the-Hill. +That's Natchez-under-the-Hill. Blacks welcome there? +Blacks welcome there? Green's the only color that matters under the hill. They got gambling, girls. You oughta check it out. +Green's the only color that matters under the hill. They got gambling, girls. You oughta check it out. Maybe we will. Nice meeting you. +You don't have to drown that fella, Spanky. You already scared him half to death. He didn't know who he was fucking with. But you do. What does that say about you, Ray? What does that say about me? I've given you a lot of leeway over the years on account of your father. But he didn't last long enough to teach you the meaning of the word respect so I guess I'm gonna have to school you myself. +But you do. What does that say about you, Ray? What does that say about me? I've given you a lot of leeway over the years on account of your father. But he didn't last long enough to teach you the meaning of the word respect so I guess I'm gonna have to school you myself. Come on, Spank, I'm just trying to get by here. You remember how it was when you were starting out. +What's that, some of your bathtub brew? Puerto Rican rum. See for yourself. +Where'd you get this? Comes up the Mississippi. I can get more. A lot more. I was thinking about going into business for myself, but under the circumstances, I'd be willing to take on a partner. +I'm interested. Keep talking. All I need is the front money and a truck. I could be back in two, three days tops if I had somebody to share the driving. +If you fuck me on this one, I'll spare no expense. Understood. +Understood. Alright, Ray, you've got a deal. Pick your man and get going. +I'll take the little choirboy, if you don't mind. If I was you, I'd want somebody who can handle himself in a tight spot. +If I was you, I'd want somebody who can handle himself in a tight spot. I just want somebody who won't put a bullet in my back once the truck is full. +ADRIAN! You shouldn't have come here. +You shouldn't have come here. Please, get out of my mind! +Adrian, you gotta come back to Hell. Dad's sick. He's sick? +He's sick? Yeah, he needs souls to live. When you guys left, you broke the gates. We gotta get the gates burning again before he dies. +He should have thought of that before he denied me my birthright. Well maybe you should go back and talk it over with him. +Well maybe you should go back and talk it over with him. How about this? I stay here enjoying my Schnapps and you go back. +Of course I can. Drink or she dies. Unlike you, she won't come back from where she's going. Let her go. +Let her go. I hear a train coming. Drink. +Welcome to the party. It's so nice to see all of you here. Hey, that's Dad's throne! How did Adrian get that? Is Dad okay? +Little Nicky. Adrian, I'm asking you nicely, in the name of all that is good: release my friends and get in the flask. +Adrian, I'm asking you nicely, in the name of all that is good: release my friends and get in the flask. Is this a joke? +Is this a joke? No. It's the inner light. And with it we can defeat anything you've got. +Now will you get in the flask? Absolutely not. +I knew it. He's finally retiring. I've been waiting on this day for ten thousand years. +You work your ass off for ten thousand years, hurting people, helping others hurt people, then you get a decision like that. And he's dead serious. +And he's dead serious. It's just such a slap in the face. +Um, excuse me, we're having a private conversation here. Yeah, get out of here! Beat it! +That's what I thought! Could you concentrate for five seconds? +Could you concentrate for five seconds? I am concentrating. Where can we rule? +I am concentrating. Where can we rule? What do you think about... Earth? +We could create our own hell there. You saying we go up there and kill everyone? +You saying we go up there and kill everyone? Eventually, Cassius. But first we corrupt as many as we can so that when we do destroy them... +Eventually, Cassius. But first we corrupt as many as we can so that when we do destroy them... ...their damned souls will be ours. +...their damned souls will be ours. It's our time, brother. +"""Let the sin begins"" -- that was a good one." Well, we must get people sinning if we want to fill up our New Hell. How are things going down at City Hall? +Well, we must get people sinning if we want to fill up our New Hell. How are things going down at City Hall? I lowered the drinking age to ten. +I lowered the drinking age to ten. Brilliant. This is so much fun. I never want it to end. +Brilliant. This is so much fun. I never want it to end. Why should it end? Who's gonna stop us? +Hello, Cassius. All right. Let me out. +All right. Let me out. You know, New Hell really only needs one new Satan. +You know, New Hell really only needs one new Satan. You mother... +Thank you, Nicky. Cause now I'm gonna bust Adrian's head wide open. I was going to let you out, eventually, Cassius. I swear. +No! Don't do it! +Ta-da. So what time is my brother expected back? Noon... +But what about the cash? Can we keep it or what? Sure, why not? +It is awfully hot down here. How do you manage to stay so cool? Weed lowers the body temperature. I read that... in, uh... er, science magazine. +And give you a good buzz. Or maybe it will trap me inside for all eternity. +Or maybe it will trap me inside for all eternity. Uh. No it won't? +Oh, Nicky, I've missed you. Come on out and say hello... Urr... uggg... errr... +Urr... uggg... errr... I'm calling you out, brother... +Keep it up and I just might make you my Queen for a night or two. You want a queen? Got one right here. +Oh. My. God. I can't believe you're here. Welcome. Can I just tell you, I am so excited right now. So excited. +I remember that night, you had like four daiquiris. Try four and a half. At first I totally didn't like him. +I'll call her later. You know, we saw you save your girlfriend's life. +All these good people have totally been led astray. Show him Central Park. +She goes to Parson's, right? I would totally love to go there. But I hear it's really hard to get in. +The home of eternal damnation, house of Hades, H.E. double toothpicks... Maybe try the opposite of that. +Okay, can I just ask you something? What do you know about your mom? My brothers told me my mother was a mountain goat. Which would explain my chronic halitosis. +My brothers told me my mother was a mountain goat. Which would explain my chronic halitosis. A mountain goat? That's really sweet. +A mountain goat? That's really sweet. My mom wasn't a goat? +My mom wasn't a goat? Try an angel. +Try an angel. An angel? +An angel? Unh-huh. Which would make you half angel. +Wow. What... what did she look like? Well, she was about six-three, only spoke Portuguese and had really long grey hair. +How come you're not older? Angels don't get any older, son. +Where did you meet my father? It was a long time ago, at some Heaven and Hell mixer. +"Hello... yes, he's here with me now... I don't know if he's hot, he's my son, you perv! I'll call you back... Oh my God, I will call you back, goodbye. That was my friend, Michelle, she says ""hi.""" "Well tell her I said ""hi"" back." +How did you see me? We can see what's going on anywhere on Earth. Look. +Valerie's crying! She's so nice. +I gotta help her. I gotta help Dad. I gotta help everybody. Yeah, you do... +But how can I win? Adrian is stronger and smarter than me. Stronger, yes. Smarter, definitely. But you have something he doesn't have. +Stronger, yes. Smarter, definitely. But you have something he doesn't have. A speech impediment? +What is it? I'm not a hundred percent on that. God said when the time comes, you'll know what to do. +Well, nice meeting you, Jenna, Christa. Would it be okay if I called you Mommy? It would be so okay. +Well, Mommy, get me to the big apple cause I'm gonna rock that town like a hurricane. You're already there... +What's Nicky doing down there? Trying to capture his brother in a flask and preserve the balance of good and evil on Earth. +Did you just talk? No. +Where is he? He's late. He'll be here. Just keep your cool, kid. +They castrated him. He can't shoot arrows, he can't piss smoke. I can't screw. I can't screw. +Oh my God, he just opened his mouth and swallowed that spit. That turn you on there, RuPaul? +My name's Beefy. I'm an old friend of your father's. He's asked me to help you out. I just need to find my brothers and be on my way, Beefy. +I just need to find my brothers and be on my way, Beefy. It's not gonna be easy. Your brothers can possess people. So they probably won't look like themselves. You have to be suspicious of everyone. +"Okay, ""bro,"" this jig is up... Just get in the bottle. Just slide right on in there." It's not me, moron. +It's not me, moron. Oh. Sorry. +Makin' friends already. It's freezing up here, Beefy. +It's freezing up here, Beefy. You're on Earth now, kid. Gonna have the same physical needs and limitations a human has. We'll stop by K-mart. Get you some warm clothes. +You're on Earth now, kid. Gonna have the same physical needs and limitations a human has. We'll stop by K-mart. Get you some warm clothes. I also have this odd pain in my mid section. Kind of a hollow feeling... +I also have this odd pain in my mid section. Kind of a hollow feeling... That pain is hunger. +So far, so good. Now what? Put it in your mouth. +Hey... Popeye's chicken is ass kickin'! It sure is. Now eat it up. You're gonna need your energy. +It sure is. Now eat it up. You're gonna need your energy. I got energy up the ying-ying. Let's get cracking! +From now on. I'm just going to avoid all moving metal objects. Great. Now your father gave me some deposit money for a nice pad on the Upper East Side. But I misplaced it. +You'll be alright. Go on. Big day tomorrow. Don't forget to do that sleep thing I told you about. Got ya. Is it okay if I do the sleep thing? +This is intense! And it happens every day? Sometimes twice? I gotta tip my hat to you people! Look, it's okay for me to shit the street. But you gotta use a toilet. +Look, it's okay for me to shit the street. But you gotta use a toilet. Okay, just point me in the right direction next time. +Okay, just point me in the right direction next time. Come on, there's like ten million people in this city and the clock is ticking. +Come on, there's like ten million people in this city and the clock is ticking. Well, let's rock and roll. +All that running and chasing is making the sleep thing want to come early. I think we have to work on narrowing down our list of suspects. Now I'm going to go check in with some of my contacts uptown. +Your brothers are upsetting the balance of good and evil. What can I do about it? +What can I do about it? You can't do jack shit... unless you learn your evil powers. +You can't do jack shit... unless you learn your evil powers. Nobody's as evil as my brothers. Those dudes put the wick in wicked. +Nobody's as evil as my brothers. Those dudes put the wick in wicked. Go get a soda out of the fridge. +Go get a soda out of the fridge. But those are my roommate's sodas... +But those are my roommate's sodas... """But those are my roommate's sodas..."" Does that sound like a statement the son of the devil would make?" +You have the power to change the cola in that can into any other liquid -- engine oil, bat's blood, moose piss. You just have to release the evil within you. Release the evil? +Release the evil? I'm just saying, there's wickedness in you... I can tell from your snores. +We had the greatest afternoon of my life until Adrian made me tell her she had a heart-shaped ass. Maybe you love her. But what do I know? I'm baked out of my mind. +I seem to be in trouble, Beefy. The shit has hit the fan, kid. Take a look. +I didn't murder anybody Look. You were really high. Things happen. +Look. You were really high. Things happen. I was with Valerie, I swear. This is Adrian's work. I've got to find him. +I was with Valerie, I swear. This is Adrian's work. I've got to find him. I think you're looking at him. +This is baloney! "He superimposed your head onto ""Scarface.""" +What's with all the whoo-whoo noises? Everything's fine, pop. +Everything's fine, pop. Last time you said that the renaissance happened. +Last time you said that the renaissance happened. Please, pop, just go back to your room. +Please, pop, just go back to your room. Can I take him with me and have sex with his head? +Can I take him with me and have sex with his head? Sure, pop. Whatever you want. +I'm sorry. After careful consideration, I regretfully have to decline. C'mon, man, I'm just asking for one Superbowl ring. +C'mon, man, I'm just asking for one Superbowl ring. In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're too nice of a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr. Marino. +In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're too nice of a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr. Marino. You did it for Namath. +You did it for Namath. Yeah, but Joe was coming here anyways. Just go back to Earth and enjoy your records and the Hall of Fame and the beautiful family and all that. +Yeah, but Joe was coming here anyways. Just go back to Earth and enjoy your records and the Hall of Fame and the beautiful family and all that. This is bullshit, man. I'm gonna win the Superbowl this year, with or without you! +This is bullshit, man. I'm gonna win the Superbowl this year, with or without you! Now you're talking. +Knock, knock. Yes, Jimmy. +No, no, that's not what I said. He can keep his thumbs, but the fingers gotta go. Oh, and don't forget, you're shoving a pineapple up Hitler's ass at four o'clock. +I got no ears! I can't hear! Now he's got no ears! You happy, Nicky? Your father's got no ears! +Check one-two. Check one-two. Put it back on my head. I'm falling apart here. +Put it back on my head. I'm falling apart here. He's got 'til midnight tonight, Nicky. You get your ass back up there. You save your father! +Nothing, Dad. Just re-arranging the furniture. Cassius, didn't I tell you to stay out of your brother's mind? +Now everybody sit down. Hey, Dad, I'm almost finished laying down my monsters of metal compilation tape. I really think it's a masterpiece. +Hey, Dad, I'm almost finished laying down my monsters of metal compilation tape. I really think it's a masterpiece. Okay, kid, we'll listen to it later. +This was a very difficult decision, because I have three wonderful sons. I mean, Adrian, so smart, so ruthless. And Cassius, so strong, so tough. And Nicky, so... so... Don't worry about coming up with anything. It's cool. +Don't worry about coming up with anything. It's cool. Such a sweet boy. But after much thought and careful consideration, I've decided that the ruler for the next ten thousand years is going to have to be... me. +I mean... tough break. The important thing for the stability of our rule is to maintain the balance between good and evil. And I don't think any of you are ready for that responsibility yet. You need the wisdom that comes only with the passage of time. +"Now that was an experience. ""You are only coming through in waves."" That line blows my mind every time." Definitely. +Definitely. I don't care what kind of mood you're in at the start of that song. When it's over, that mood has been altered. Wow. Great shit. What's next? +I don't care what kind of mood you're in at the start of that song. When it's over, that mood has been altered. Wow. Great shit. What's next? Well, I thought that after messing with your head, I'd give you a little kick in the keester. +Who is this, Metal-lick-a? Metallica, Dad. Come on. +Metallica, Dad. Come on. I was just playing with you. +You're a good devil, Dad. And I also happen to be a Jets fan. +This is bad, Nicky. How bad? +How bad? I'm gonna die, Nicky. If the gates are broken, no new souls can get in, which means I'll start to deteriorate into nothing. +To do that Cassius and Adrian have to come back through the other way. So go get 'em, Dad! +So go get 'em, Dad! I'm too weak. The process has already begun. +Nicky, the worst thing that could happen on Earth is you get killed, in which case, boom, you end up back here. Are you telling me I have to go to Earth and kill my brothers? +No. This can't be happening. Son, just do your best. +That's a train, son. Don't stand in front of them. Well, I guess I'm going to have to take a mulligan on this one. +Well, I guess I'm going to have to take a mulligan on this one. Please, Nicky, get back up there. Try to hurry. +Dad, Adrian's got the whole city after me. He's always a step ahead. What am I gonna do? What are you gonna do? Look at me, Nicky! I got no legs, I got no hips, I got one ear... +Uh, I'll do my best, Dad. Do you have any advice at all for me? I can't hear you, Nicky. I can't hear anything! +You came through, Nicky. I came through for you, Mom and the butterflies, Dad. +I came through for you, Mom and the butterflies, Dad. You're back in Hell now, kid. There's no butterflies here. If you want butterflies, you need to be on Earth. +You're back in Hell now, kid. There's no butterflies here. If you want butterflies, you need to be on Earth. What about you and Grandpa and everyone in Hell? +What about you and Grandpa and everyone in Hell? Nicky, I let my butterflies die once upon a time and it's never stopped hurting. That's right, you heard me, Holly. I'm still in love with you. +Listen, I got down low. Your mom's got up high. You take care of the middle. I will, Dad. But in the words of Motley Crue, this will always be my... home sweet home... +I'm lucky to get away with just the head boobs, right? Coulda been much worse. +Coulda been much worse. That's what I'm thinkin'... +Hey. That's a pretty brassiere. +That's a pretty brassiere. Thanks. +Thanks. Could you maybe not tell anyone about this? +Could you maybe not tell anyone about this? You got it. Could you maybe not tell anyone about this? +You got it. Could you maybe not tell anyone about this? You got it. +Bus? Beast. +You know, I was the one who created Hell. I know, your wickedness. +I know, your wickedness. I started slow, though. For years, I was just giving people hot foots. Actually, you can give all the credit for Hell to my first wife; she was the inspiration. She was an ugly one, too. One day, she asked me if I wanted super sex. I said I'll take the soup. +You know what was in Hell when I came down here, Cassius? It's Stanley, sir. +It's Stanley, sir. Nothing. No mountains. No castles. Looked like a giant parking lot. It wasn't even called Hell. +Nothing. No mountains. No castles. Looked like a giant parking lot. It wasn't even called Hell. What was it called, sir. +What was it called, sir. Boogerland! +Boogerland! That's nice, Grandpa. Why don't you just enjoy the fishing? +That's nice, Grandpa. Why don't you just enjoy the fishing? I can't enjoy anything. I go fishing. I catch nothing. I go to orgies, I catch everything... +Hey... Your father wants to see you and your brothers in the throne room. +Your father wants to see you and your brothers in the throne room. Okay, but Jimmy, when the house is rockin', don't forget the knockin'! +Nothing's getting through that. The fire is solid as a rock. We gotta get this bad boy burning again. Ideas? +So go get 'em, Jimmy! I'm just a demon, Nicky. I don't got devil blood in me. I'd last two minutes up there with your brothers. +I'm just a demon, Nicky. I don't got devil blood in me. I'd last two minutes up there with your brothers. You're not saying it's up to me? +I've never been to Earth. I've never even slept over at some other dude's house! You're the spawn of Satan. You got it in you. +You were gone ten seconds. What happened? I got hit by a big light that was attached to a lot of metal. +No wonder your uncle's so weird... I gotta say this cake tastes a little funny. +I was in love one time but she said I wasn't financially reliable enough. And she needed that. By she, do you mean he? +By she, do you mean he? No. +Easy, Liberace. Oh, would you grow up. +His name is Andrew. I know that guy. Of course you do, Tommy Tune. +Sounds like our devil dance actually worked this time. 'Bout time... +There's our man. Mr. Sleepyhead must have some major ties to the dark side. +What's with that guy? Gotta be one of his disciples or something. +Yo, man, I think that devil guy just got ripped off. Should we wake him up? +Should we wake him up? Yeah. You do it. +Did you check out the dragon mouth? The Dark Prince is here. +Look who's back from the dead. Six, six, six, pick up sticks. +That's a big pass, Elton John. We're going to see Ozzy play at the Meadowlands, right now. Wanna come, Nicky? +You sure you're down with this? Little nervous. Wanna puke. +Looking for the chief. We know where to find Nicky. +Schnapps... Peppermint... alright. +This don't look good. Can't Beefy use his penis powers to get us out of this? +Which way did he go? That way. +What's Ozzy trying to say there? Absolutely nothing. The Blizzard always came straight with his messages. But wrap your minds around this one. +Come on. One more time. Not again, fellas. It kind of hurts. +No thanks. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to give Ozzy the focus he deserves. Whoa, that chick must be the real deal, then. Later on. +Whoa, that chick must be the real deal, then. Later on. See ya, fellas. +So I was driving to work today, and some bozo in a Cadillac cut me off... Oh, that's terrible, Reege... +Oh, that's terrible, Reege... So I followed him... +So I followed him... You followed him? +You followed him? I followed him all the way downtown, and when he gets out of the car, I reach under my seat and pull out an aluminum bat. +I followed him all the way downtown, and when he gets out of the car, I reach under my seat and pull out an aluminum bat. You keep a bat under your seat? +You keep a bat under your seat? Recently, yes! So I run up behind this guy, and start bashing his brains in with this bat, and it made me feel happy! Did you ever see THE UNTOUCHABLES? +Recently, yes! So I run up behind this guy, and start bashing his brains in with this bat, and it made me feel happy! Did you ever see THE UNTOUCHABLES? Yes, great movie... +Yes, great movie... I was DeNiro! +Please. You got to. All right... +I'm not Nicky. I'm not home! I don't live here! Dude, it's us. Let us in. +Good idea... kill me. Dude. Seriously? +Dude. Seriously? Yes. I'll meet you at Grand Central at noon. Okay. Do me. I command you. +You gotta kill yourself. I'll just go to Heaven. +Hello. You smell like coconuts. +You smell like coconuts. "It's ""Comptoir Sud Pacific."" Makes me feel like a hula girl. Which is kinda what I'm going for. Wanna come in?" +"It's ""Comptoir Sud Pacific."" Makes me feel like a hula girl. Which is kinda what I'm going for. Wanna come in?" No thanks. I'm looking for a girl named Valerie who also smells like coconuts. +No thanks. I'm looking for a girl named Valerie who also smells like coconuts. Valerie Doran? Two floors up, one window over. +Valerie Doran? Two floors up, one window over. Thanks, much. Good luck with the genital tucking. +Thanks, much. Good luck with the genital tucking. I don't need luck. I'm good. +Adrian? Andrew. +You got the wrong window again, man. Oh. Sorry, Andrew. Valerie? +That was amazing. Thanks so much. You didn't have to do that. That's okay. I get messed with all the time and when I saw him doing that to you I just lost it. I hate when people take advantage of tourists. It ruins it for the rest of us. +That's okay. I get messed with all the time and when I saw him doing that to you I just lost it. I hate when people take advantage of tourists. It ruins it for the rest of us. You think I'm a tourist? +You think I'm a tourist? I'm sorry. I just assumed. Your accent maybe. Where are you from? +I'm sorry. I just assumed. Your accent maybe. Where are you from? The South. +The South. Really? +Really? Yeah. Deep south. She laughs along with him, not sure why. +Yeah. Deep south. She laughs along with him, not sure why. Why are you laughing? +Why are you laughing? I don't know, but I like it. Say. Your glasses are nice. They make your eyes look sparkly and big. It's fun to look at them. +I don't know, but I like it. Say. Your glasses are nice. They make your eyes look sparkly and big. It's fun to look at them. My dad's an optometrist. +My dad's an optometrist. My dad's in hell, and he's falling apart. +My dad's in hell, and he's falling apart. I'm sorry. It's really tough when your parents get older. +I'm sorry. It's really tough when your parents get older. If I don't save him, I don't know what I'm gonna do. +If I don't save him, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Well, I'm sure a nice southern boy like you will figure something out. +Here, have a Popeye's. This drumstick ain't for beatin' it's for eatin'. That's alright. I already ate lunch. I actually wouldn't mind getting a Gelati. +That's alright. I already ate lunch. I actually wouldn't mind getting a Gelati. Could I come with you to getting a Gelati? +Could I come with you to getting a Gelati? If you want to. +If you want to. Want to? A million angry octopus people couldn't hold me back! +Want to? A million angry octopus people couldn't hold me back! """Octopus people?""" +"""Octopus people?""" Uh, it's a deep south expression. +It's freezing my hands. It's not that cold. Here, let me wrap it. +This town is really going to hell lately. So what part of the city do you live in? I have an apartment. I don't remember exactly where. My dog knows, though. +I have an apartment. I don't remember exactly where. My dog knows, though. You have a dog? What kind? +You have a dog? What kind? I'm not sure. I'd ask him, but he's uptown talking to his contacts. +I'd love to have a dog. But I go to school full time. It wouldn't be fair to the dog. School? +School? Parsons School of Design. I knew growing up I wasn't much to look at, so I put my energy into making things that are pretty. +Parsons School of Design. I knew growing up I wasn't much to look at, so I put my energy into making things that are pretty. What's that pleasant smell coming from, your skin? +What's that pleasant smell coming from, your skin? My perfume? +Valerie, it feels like there's a bunch of butterflies flapping around in my stomach. Is that normal? Sometimes, sure. +Sometimes, sure. Good. I was concerned. +So you're saying, make all pants with a drawstring, then heavier set gals don't have to feel humiliated by telling their waist size in front of the whole store? Basically, yeah. +Basically, yeah. Wow. Maybe you should make drawstring socks for gals with fat ankles. +You know what's nice about you? You just seem happy being yourself. You don't try to act cool. Thanks much. You know what's nice about you, Valerie? +Thanks much. You know what's nice about you, Valerie? What? +Your juicy, heart-shaped ass. What was that? +What was that? I... I don't know why I just said that. I meant to say that... +Hey. Nicky? Oh my God. Stay right there. +What were you thinking coming here? I'm not sure, but it didn't involve getting blinded with poison. +Valerie? Are you dead? +Are you dead? No. +No. What are you doing? +What are you doing? I think I'm floating. +I think I'm floating. Why would you be floating? +Why would you be floating? I don't know. Maybe it's because of your sweet voice. +I don't know. Maybe it's because of your sweet voice. Am I supposed to not be freaked out right now? Because I am. +Look, just because you're floating doesn't mean I'm gonna forget about you giving me the finger. That wasn't me. I was being possessed by my brother, Adrian. He's the one who call you a gross pig. +That wasn't me. I was being possessed by my brother, Adrian. He's the one who call you a gross pig. "What do you mean, ""possessed?""" +"What do you mean, ""possessed?""" Remember when I told you my Dad was in Hell? +Remember when I told you my Dad was in Hell? Yes... +Yes... Well, that's because he's the Devil. And he wants to keep his throne for another ten-thousand years. Which is fine with me, but not with my brothers, so they broke out of Hell, causing my dad... +Well, that's because he's the Devil. And he wants to keep his throne for another ten-thousand years. Which is fine with me, but not with my brothers, so they broke out of Hell, causing my dad... "...""The Devil?""..." +"...""The Devil?""..." ...to decompose. And I love my Dad very much. So I came to Earth to save him but then crazy eyes stole my flask and I met you and... well, my dog tells me I just might be in love with you. +You gotta believe me. You gotta believe in the butterflies. Okay, I do. Get back up here. +Can we go fly over Central Park? Next time. Tonight, I want to share the most beautiful thing I could possibly imagine. +We're going to Jersey? East Rutherford. +I never thought I'd ever see Ozzy live until he was dead. Please tell me you like metal. """Mister Crowley, what's inside of your head...""" +Don't do it. I have to, Valerie. +Nicky! That was Cassius! +Where'd a sweet Southern boy learn to fight like that? From my dad's side of the family. +Do me. I love you. +I love you. I love you. +Hello, friend, my name is Nicky. I understand you're seeking a roommate, as per your advertisement in the Village Voice. Would it be possible for me to fill the slot? Uh, don't you want to know what the rent is? +Yes. What is rent? Eight-hundred, split down the middle. Tuesdays and Thursdays I rehearse with my scene partner so the living room will be off limits. +Eight-hundred, split down the middle. Tuesdays and Thursdays I rehearse with my scene partner so the living room will be off limits. Off limits. +Off limits. Right. And as far as household items: we can share the soap, but we'll split the cost 60/40. Cause the person who physically goes out and buys the soap shouldn't have to pay as much as the other guy. Aren't you boiling in that outfit? +Right. And as far as household items: we can share the soap, but we'll split the cost 60/40. Cause the person who physically goes out and buys the soap shouldn't have to pay as much as the other guy. Aren't you boiling in that outfit? No. +No. It's like eighty degrees in this hallway. You from the South? +It's like eighty degrees in this hallway. You from the South? Yeah. The deep South. +Why is that funny? I don't know. +I don't know. And sorry, man, but no dogs allowed. +It looks like the work of a brother... A black guy? +A black guy? If it's Cassius, yes. +A little strange. I can't stop thinking about this girl, Valerie. Why? Did she hurt you? Do you miss her? Need a shoulder to cry on? +That just hurt a lot. I've always wanted to kill someone. Can I do it? +Hey... See something you like, my man? +See something you like, my man? Yes. I would like my flask back. +You callin' me a thief, my man? No, I'm just calling you... a guy who has my flask. +No, I'm just calling you... a guy who has my flask. "And if that is your so-called ""flask,"" how would I have it unless I was, in fact, a thief?" +"And if that is your so-called ""flask,"" how would I have it unless I was, in fact, a thief?" I don't know? +Okay, now you gone and done it. You done messed with my business bitch! Sir, I would prefer if you didn't raise your voice. It's making my muscles tighten. +I'm a Sandman! I cut up a Sandman yesterday. They said I'd never get him... but I cut him up good, I did. +I cut up a Sandman yesterday. They said I'd never get him... but I cut him up good, I did. I feel sorry for you, boy! +For me? Better feel sorry for yourself, Sandman! No, for you! How old are you, Billy? +Fourteen? Fifteen? Your days are running out. How long can you last? A year. Six months? What happens when you're sixteen and you go green? Nothing will happen! I make the rules as I go!! Cubs do what I say! Always have! Always will! I got Cathedral and I'll never let go! +Nothing will happen! I make the rules as I go!! Cubs do what I say! Always have! Always will! I got Cathedral and I'll never let go! No cubs over fifteen, Billy! Ever heard of a cub with a green flower? You'll leave Cathedral then, Billy, when you're on green, because they won't let a green stay here. If you try to stay the young ones will gut-rip you apart! +No cubs over fifteen, Billy! Ever heard of a cub with a green flower? You'll leave Cathedral then, Billy, when you're on green, because they won't let a green stay here. If you try to stay the young ones will gut-rip you apart! Shut up! Shut up your damn mouth! +Are you too startled? Am I too removed from your ken? I'm neither machine nor man... but a perfect fusion of the two... and better than either. No human sculptor could match this greatness... don't you agree? All right -- what are you? +All right -- what are you? Your turn. +We're hungry do you have anything to eat? Anything to eat? +How do you think we got here??!! You walked in. I saw you. Don't you remember? +Where do you think we came from? From? From? From? +From? From? From? We were sent here and you know it. Others have been sent here. Where are they? Hiding? +Hiding? Yes! Hiding, hiding. Where do we go?! Where do we go from here??!! +Is that the wind? Not yet... You must hear my birds sing. You know about Sanctuary! I know you do! You have to help us! You don't have a choice! It isn't your decision!! Tell us. +You know about Sanctuary! I know you do! You have to help us! You don't have a choice! It isn't your decision!! Tell us. Never a pair. I have never had a pair. +Never a pair. I have never had a pair. Where do you send them? +Where do you send them? You're a beautiful pair. +Answer the question! Do you know how long all this will last? Not thirty years... or thirty thousand years... but thirty thousand years... and you'll be part of it. Ages will roll... Ages. And you'll be here... the two of you... eternally frozen... frozen... beautiful. +Do you know how long all this will last? Not thirty years... or thirty thousand years... but thirty thousand years... and you'll be part of it. Ages will roll... Ages. And you'll be here... the two of you... eternally frozen... frozen... beautiful. There must be somebody else up here. I can't believe that he's -- +There must be somebody else up here. I can't believe that he's -- Let me sculpt you and I will show you where the others have gone. +Let me sculpt you and I will show you where the others have gone. That's better. How do you want us? +That's better. How do you want us? Nude. Imagine, a pair. +Nude. Imagine, a pair. It'll be all right... +How do you want us? Up there. +All right. Now you keep your bargain. Wait for the wind! Wait and hear the birds sing over you! +Wait for the wind! Wait and hear the birds sing over you! We're ready. +How did they get in here? Regular storage procedure... the same as the other food... The other food stopped coming and they started. +Regular storage procedure... the same as the other food... The other food stopped coming and they started. What other food? +What other food? Fish and plankton, sea greens and protein from the sea. It's all here -- ready -- fresh as harvest day. Fish and plankton, sea greens and protein from the sea... And then it stopped coming and they... ...came instead. So I store them here. I'm ready. And you're ready. It's my Job -- protein, plankton, grass from the sea. +It's a real privilege, Sandman. Thanks. I thought you'd be older. I expected a Red. +Thanks. I thought you'd be older. I expected a Red. I am. +I am. Your own work? +Your own work? And I did it myself right on there. +I designed it myself. What'll it be... a face job or a full-body job? Just the face. +Just the face. Fine... Holly will get you ready. You're in good hands, believe me. +Do you have anything special in mind? I don't care... Just get it over with. +I don't care... Just get it over with. Hurry... hurry... hurry. +You are here. I couldn't believe it when they told me. What are you doing? Turn this way. No, no... not you... YOU! +You should've seen me take my last Runner... perfect. I backed him up against a residence pool and when he terminated... his hand... So now you've seen him... what's the difference awake or asleep? Open your eyes once, idiot. It's not every day that a Sandman son is born. I'm telling you, Francis -- that's him! +Open your eyes once, idiot. It's not every day that a Sandman son is born. I'm telling you, Francis -- that's him! Maybe, maybe not. What's the difference? Come on, Logan, let's get out of here before everybody finds out. +Had enough? Even the alarm didn't wake him. +You need a lift. Let's go to Arcade and celebrate... your alert successor... Logan-6. Has anyone ever broken in to where the babies are? +Has anyone ever broken in to where the babies are? Not in my time... +Why? Just wondered... what happens? +Just wondered... what happens? Dunno... flameout maybe. Whatever happens, you can bet it's final. But who would want to find out? +"But you don't know, you just say what everyone says. ""One for one. One for one.""" Well, why not!? That's exactly how everything works. How else could the city stay in balance -- You have a better idea? +Well, why not!? That's exactly how everything works. How else could the city stay in balance -- You have a better idea? "No, but at least I wonder sometimes -- instead of doing that ""one for one"" song of yours. You sound like a sleepteacher with a stuck tape." +"No, but at least I wonder sometimes -- instead of doing that ""one for one"" song of yours. You sound like a sleepteacher with a stuck tape." Well the minute you get a better idea you can stop wondering. You know, Logan -- you wonder a lot. Too much for a Sandman. +Did you ever see Francis-8? I never even visited Nursery before tonight. When you wonder, it slows you up -- you know? +I don't know what makes you so curious. You have any idea who his seed-mother was? Of course not! I'm curious, not sick. +You missed something special. Well... you can't have them all. +The damned Yellows are getting out of hand. Those three ought to be in Cathedral. No business scrambling in Arcade... What an old, old man you're getting to be, Francis. Weren't you ever a Yellow? I bet you were even wilder than -- come on, Sandman. +You should have been with us in Nursery, Daniel. I'm positive I recognized him -- Come on. I don't want to miss the filing-in. There'll be some I know tonight, I think... +Now there's a few who could have been his seed-mother. Only a few? You're just not trying. +Who invited you? I'm in my party mood. +That was a great shot you made. Yes. But you look a little rusty to me -- what were you doing, wondering? +I just might look in on New You 483 myself. You? Why? You're already beautiful. +You? Why? You're already beautiful. No -- it's that last Runner -- someone in 483 was trying to help him. +What the hell took you so long? Did you ever see anybody renew? +Did you ever see anybody renew? I think you've been skulling out too much. First Nursery and now stupid questions. +I think you've been skulling out too much. First Nursery and now stupid questions. Did you? +Did you? Of course. +Of course. Anybody we know? +Anybody we know? Look... why don't you get into the water... you need it... more than I do. +Look... why don't you get into the water... you need it... more than I do. I'm fine... See you... +I'm fine... See you... At Carousel tonight? +What's going on, Logan?! It has nothing to do with you. +It has nothing to do with you. What are you talking about?! I saw you let a Runner go? I saw you, Logan?? Tell me!! +Why did you do that??!! I didn't do anything, Francis! They've made us believe that... +I didn't do anything, Francis! They've made us believe that... Why did you do that???!!! +It's him! The first Sandman. He killed... Doc. No, Holly -- wait! He's running. Tell them the rest! +No, Holly -- wait! He's running. Tell them the rest! He's the one. You too. I remember. He was in a hurry. Just a face job. Dark hair, I said. Then he killed Doc and you grabbed me -- and the machine blew up and I ran... I ran. +He's the one. You too. I remember. He was in a hurry. Just a face job. Dark hair, I said. Then he killed Doc and you grabbed me -- and the machine blew up and I ran... I ran. Holly. Holly! Please... The other Sandman. Remember the one who came after -- +That's right. The other one came after. The older one. Smashing, killing, burning! ...and he was hunting the first one, this one. Wasn't he? Wasn't he? This one was running, the other one was hunting him... +...and he was hunting the first one, this one. Wasn't he? Wasn't he? This one was running, the other one was hunting him... Yes. Oh yes. He was after you. I remember. You're running! +What's your name? I'm Mary 2. +I'm Mary 2. Where do you live, Mary? +Where do you live, Mary? Here. +Here. Why aren't you in Nursery? +Why aren't you in Nursery? I'm very smart. +I'm very smart. When do you go up? +When do you go up? I never go upstairs. You're a nice old lady. +What's wrong, Available? Please... No. +"Please... no? You mean ""not here"" -- that's it? You're a private Available but particular. Don't worry. There's no one here but me. And you." No. Just no. +No. Just no. You prefer women? +You prefer women? No. +No. Well then...? +Well then...? Nothing. I felt sad, I put myself on the circuit. It was a mistake. +Nothing. I felt sad, I put myself on the circuit. It was a mistake. Sad? What made you sad? +Sad? What made you sad? A friend of mine went on Carousel tonight. Now he's gone. +A friend of mine went on Carousel tonight. Now he's gone. Yes... probably he was renewed? +Yes... probably he was renewed? He was killed. +He was killed. Killed? Why do you use that word? +Killed? Why do you use that word? Isn't it right? Isn't that what you do? Kill. +Isn't it right? Isn't that what you do? Kill. I never 'killed' anybody in my life. Sandmen terminate Runners. Who brought you? +I never 'killed' anybody in my life. Sandmen terminate Runners. Who brought you? Nobody. I felt sad... I put myself on the circuit. +Nobody. I felt sad... I put myself on the circuit. You felt sad. What's your name? +You felt sad. What's your name? Jessica. +Jessica. You're beautiful. Let's have sex. +You're beautiful. Let's have sex. No. +No. Later. +Later. No. +No. But you put yourself on the circuit! +But you put yourself on the circuit! I thought I had to do something. +I thought I had to do something. And? +And? I changed my mind. +I changed my mind. And now? +And now? Curious. +Curious. About what? +About what? How a Sandman lives. +Let's have sex. I thought you were curious. Not about that. +Not about that. I'm listening. +I'm listening. I'm afraid to tell you. +I'm afraid to tell you. I'm not armed. Well? +I'm not armed. Well? Why is it wrong to run? +Why is it wrong to run? You shouldn't even think such things... And you picked a strange person to say them to -- +You shouldn't even think such things... And you picked a strange person to say them to -- I suppose. But what if you want to live? +I suppose. But what if you want to live? So? Do what everyone does. Try like hell for renewal. +But if you're one of the misfits... that's where I come in. I didn't say that I would run... I just... +I didn't say that I would run... I just... Are you a 5 or a 6? +Are you a 5 or a 6? Six. I go red next year. +Six. I go red next year. You're years away... I don't know why you're thinking of these things, much less talking about them. Want to try? +What Quad do you live in? K. +K. You're sure you don't want to try? +You could have called me yourself. But I wasn't sure you'd come. +But I wasn't sure you'd come. Here I am. Shall I come in? +I couldn't get you out of my mind. I'm the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, I suppose? +I'm the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, I suppose? Maybe... sure... +Maybe... sure... Thanks... but I have the choice. +Thanks... but I have the choice. Of course. +Of course. Then it's still no. +You can have any woman in the city. What do you really want? You know. +You know. I don't believe you. There has to be more. +I don't believe you. There has to be more. All right. +Why show me? I'm going to run. +I'm going to run. Why tell me? +Why tell me? You know something. +You know something. About running, dying what? +About running, dying what? Both... running's what I'm interested in. +Both... running's what I'm interested in. I know what everyone knows. Try like hell for Renewal. You have the same chance everyone else has. +I know what everyone knows. Try like hell for Renewal. You have the same chance everyone else has. It's different now. Help me. +It's different now. Help me. How can I? +Where did you get that? A Runner gave it to me. +A Runner gave it to me. And then you killed him, right? +And then you killed him, right? I let him go... believe me. +I let him go... believe me. I don't.. +I don't.. Speak to your friends for me, Jessica... please... +Speak to your friends for me, Jessica... please... Please? What friends? +Please? What friends? I don't have much time. +I don't have much time. I never heard of a Sandman running... ever... +I never heard of a Sandman running... ever... And I never heard of Sanctuary. +Are you here to help me? What do you need? +What're you going to do? That's tomorrow. +That's tomorrow. I wish I could help you. +I wish I could help you. Maybe you'll think of something... +Maybe you'll think of something... I wish I knew what you think I know. +If you did know, you'd tell me. Of course -- +Of course -- If you trusted me, you'd know. +If you trusted me, you'd know. We're coming to Arcade. Shall we Relive together? +A Runner... Cathedral. A woman. You're not going, are you? +You're not going, are you? Why not? Maybe she'll help me. You won't. You'd better stay here. +I'd rather be with you. That's nice. +They're like beasts. Wild. Maybe they're angry because they're grown in meccano-breeders. +Maybe they're angry because they're grown in meccano-breeders. Instead of what? Nine months inside a woman: We're all raised the same but most of us don't become cubs in Cathedral. +Instead of what? Nine months inside a woman: We're all raised the same but most of us don't become cubs in Cathedral. Some people say children need human mothering. +Some people say children need human mothering. Insane. Nurseries are better than any mother could be. +Insane. Nurseries are better than any mother could be. I'm only telling you what I've heard... Haven't you ever wondered what your seed-mother was Like...? +I'm only telling you what I've heard... Haven't you ever wondered what your seed-mother was Like...? Uh-uh. +Uh-uh. I have. +I have. When did you begin to question Lastday? +When did you begin to question Lastday? I don't remember exactly... except I was a Green. What would you like to relive, Logan? +I don't remember exactly... except I was a Green. What would you like to relive, Logan? Let's see -- how long has it been? +Just follow -- no matter how it seems... But what is this -- why? +But what is this -- why? The Cubs. When they're flying on muscle there's no way to catch up. Without the dazzle, they'd just go past us -- -- too fast +The Cubs. When they're flying on muscle there's no way to catch up. Without the dazzle, they'd just go past us -- -- too fast Muscle? I don't know that one. +I'm ashamed. I was bringing you to be killed. Where? Sanctuary? Can you take me there? +Where? Sanctuary? Can you take me there? Logan, I don't know where Sanctuary is. But if I take you to them, they'll kill you. +Logan, I don't know where Sanctuary is. But if I take you to them, they'll kill you. All right. But why? I didn't kill the Runner. +All right. But why? I didn't kill the Runner. Yes, but they won't know that... or care. They're hunting you, Logan. Maybe me too, now... +Yes, but they won't know that... or care. They're hunting you, Logan. Maybe me too, now... That's nothing... there's a Sandman behind us, too and there'll be more soon. Take me to them. +That's nothing... there's a Sandman behind us, too and there'll be more soon. Take me to them. I -- I can't. +I -- I can't. Then -- why don't you leave me -- go to them -- explain +Then -- why don't you leave me -- go to them -- explain No. Not that either. +Are you taking me to them? Yes. I don't know what else to do -- with him following us. Why do you keep running from your -- +Yes. I don't know what else to do -- with him following us. Why do you keep running from your -- Because he's my friend -- and I don't want to be killed by him -- or anyone. +Because he's my friend -- and I don't want to be killed by him -- or anyone. He's good, isn't he? +He's good, isn't he? Will he find us and kill us? Yes... or one of the others. You know there's only one place to go now... +Will he find us and kill us? Yes... or one of the others. You know there's only one place to go now... They won't believe us. +They won't believe us. I'd rather take my chances with them... than with Francis. +I'd rather take my chances with them... than with Francis. They won't listen. +They won't listen. You think Sandmen will? There's no other way for me, +You think Sandmen will? There's no other way for me, We'll convince them. +Exactly four steps now. Let me lead you. Now to the right. It's narrow here, you'll have to get behind me. How will they know we're coming? +How will they know we're coming? They're watching us now. They'll let us in when they're sure. +Will you take me with you? Why, Jessica? You're still a green. +How do we know this is the right way? It's the only way. +What do you suppose this was...? Some kind of breeding pens... I suppose... They say people used to breed animals, fish, anything... ...to eat, of course. +Some kind of breeding pens... I suppose... They say people used to breed animals, fish, anything... ...to eat, of course. Ycch. To kill things and then eat them. It must have been a savage world. +I'm afraid. It's brighter there... besides, we can't go back. +I don't know what's going to happen to us Logan but -- Are you glad you didn't kill him? It doesn't make any difference anymore. +It doesn't make any difference anymore. You're really one of us now, aren't you? +You're really one of us now, aren't you? You knew that I wasn't before, didn't you? Why did you stay with me? +You knew that I wasn't before, didn't you? Why did you stay with me? I wanted to... ...And you... what made you kill Sandmen? +I wanted to... ...And you... what made you kill Sandmen? I had to. I did kill... for the first time in my life I killed. +I had to. I did kill... for the first time in my life I killed. Because you felt like a Runner, didn't you. +Because you felt like a Runner, didn't you. I guess so... I know I felt something I never felt before... and I didn't like it... not a bit. I'll tell you one thing... Sanctuary better be worth it. That's the last place for me to live now. +I guess so... I know I felt something I never felt before... and I didn't like it... not a bit. I'll tell you one thing... Sanctuary better be worth it. That's the last place for me to live now. For us. +What's that? It feels like breath. It makes everything move. Your hair is moving. +It feels like breath. It makes everything move. Your hair is moving. And yours. +I hate outside! I hate it! We'll be all right... We will... +Don't! Sooner or later, we'll have to try something. +It's getting dark and cold. I'm tired. Why don't we rest here? We know we can eat these. +Do you think everything's going to turn to ice? I doubt it. +I doubt it. Don't ever let go. +Don't ever let go. I won't. +It all seemed to make sense until Box. Do you think he was telling the Truth? +Maybe we're the first ones to get through... Maybe Sanctuary is near, now... another protected place. It couldn't be outside. How would anyone know? Even if we find it -- we can never go back. +You're right... it must be near now. We'll find it. Thirty thousand years didn't last very long, did they? +What does it mean? The Lifeclocks have no power outside. +You can have any woman in the city. What do you really want? You know, Jessica. +You know, Jessica. ...But I still have the choice...? +...But I still have the choice...? Of course. +Of course. Then the answer's yes... +I have never seen a face like that before. It must be the look of great age. Whoever he was he was terribly old. Yes, do you think that's why he looks so sad? +They all have names and numbers on them. I wonder what they are? """Beloved Husband"". ""Beloved Wife"". What can all that mean?" +Look at his face... and his hair... Is that what it is to grow old? It could be... +That sweet madman -- how could he come to exist? He had a mother and father -- and he knew them. +He had a mother and father -- and he knew them. One in a million, I suppose +There's a Sanctuary... there is! You want there to be one... that doesn't... +You want there to be one... that doesn't... There has to be! I know it exists! It has to!! +There has to be! I know it exists! It has to!! "No, there doesn't. Not really -- just so many want it to exist... so many who don't want to die... want it so much that a place called Sanctuary becomes ""real"". But it doesn't exist. It never existed. Just the hope." +"No, there doesn't. Not really -- just so many want it to exist... so many who don't want to die... want it so much that a place called Sanctuary becomes ""real"". But it doesn't exist. It never existed. Just the hope." You're wrong!! It has to be!! It Just has to be!! +What are we promising him? What can we possibly give him? He asked if we would bury him when his time comes. +He asked if we would bury him when his time comes. We can't. We're going back. +We can't. We're going back. To what? +To what? I'm going to try and tell people what we've seen and -- +I'm going to try and tell people what we've seen and -- You're lying! You'll never have the chance to tell anybody anything! You'll be killed the moment you're seen! +You're lying! You'll never have the chance to tell anybody anything! You'll be killed the moment you're seen! Do you expect me to let things go on without trying to change them?! +Do you expect me to let things go on without trying to change them?! Things won't change... you know that! We can live here together, Logan... have a life as long as his... together! +Things won't change... you know that! We can live here together, Logan... have a life as long as his... together! Things change! +Things change! You want to go back to kill, is that it?! Now, you'll want to kill your own!!! Kill Sandmen!!! Killing's all you ever...!!! +Jessica... listen to me... listen to me... The Lifeclocks made me kill Francis. They make people die or be killed every day. If I didn't try and destroy that... I couldn't live here or anywhere. Do you understand? I want to be alive and with you, that's all I want. +"""Beloved son""... So people stayed together for that feeling of love... They would live and raise children together and be remembered. I think I feel that way, Logan. Can we be that way?" Yes. You and I, Jessica. +Yes. You and I, Jessica. And Sanctuary? +And Sanctuary? Sanctuary is the right to live... nothing more. But nothing less, either... +Beloved husband... Beloved wife... +What does that water do? It's part of the hydrogalvanic system. The ocean tides are changed into energy somehow. +It's part of the hydrogalvanic system. The ocean tides are changed into energy somehow. Is it inside the city? +Is it inside the city? Of course. I don't know where... I just took them for granted. It's our only chance. +Yes, cats, of course. What else could they be? Cats. Of course each one has his own name too. But there are so many of them. Do you know each one separately. +But there are so many of them. Do you know each one separately. "Yes indeed, everyone. Actually, they all have three. ""The naming of cats is a difficult matter. It isn't just one of your holiday games. You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter when I tell you a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES."" An ordinary name and a fancy name. That's two. Do you want to guess what the third one is?" +And... and how were you grown? Inside your mother? Yes... +Yes... Are you sure? +Are you sure? Mother and Father said so... you know? +What kind of jewel is this? I don't know. +I don't know. You're both full of secrets like Macavity. Did you steal this? +You're both full of secrets like Macavity. Did you steal this? No. +No. """Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity, There never was a cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.""" +What belongs to the people? All this. All of it. +All this. All of it. What people? +What people? I don't know... but it does. +We'll have to bury him. What's that? +What's that? They're put into the ground so they can be visited by the living... +I'll make the arrangements. At least it's over... +Of course... that's settled then. But just you remember your promise... We'll remember. But that's a long time off... +Come with us. Where are you going? +Goodbye. Oh, my... +Hello, Sandman. Hello. +Hello. Do you want to see Doc? +We don't get many Sandmen. I think we've only had one other since I've been here. A Sandman can get as sick of his face as anyone else. Where's the doctor? +A Sandman can get as sick of his face as anyone else. Where's the doctor? I like your face. Would you mind if Doc took a picture? I'd like him to give your face to somebody else. +I like your face. Would you mind if Doc took a picture? I'd like him to give your face to somebody else. It's all right with me. Is he here? +It's all right with me. Is he here? My name's Holly... Holly 13. In ancient times they said my number was unlucky. Do you believe in luck? +My name's Holly... Holly 13. In ancient times they said my number was unlucky. Do you believe in luck? No -- Look, I'm in a hurry. +How long have you been living here? For as long as I can remember. +For as long as I can remember. What kind of place is this? +What kind of place is this? Just a place, I suppose... who knows? +How did you get here? I have always been here... +I have always been here... Are there any other humans? +Are there any other humans? Gracious... no. +Gracious... no. Have any other people ever passed through? +But there may be a few around somewhere. What makes you think so? +What makes you think so? My parents thought so. Mother and Father. You know? +My parents thought so. Mother and Father. You know? Mother and -- ? You knew your mother and father? +Where are they? Dead... they're dead... and buried. +They're beautiful. May I have one too please? No -- I'm sorry. It's not possible. +No -- I'm sorry. It's not possible. "It isn't fair. I'll give you one of my favorite cats... a Jellicle cat. ""Jellicle cats have cheerful faces, Jellicle cats have bright black eyes; They like to practice their airs and graces And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise.""" +"It isn't fair. I'll give you one of my favorite cats... a Jellicle cat. ""Jellicle cats have cheerful faces, Jellicle cats have bright black eyes; They like to practice their airs and graces And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise.""" I'm sorry but I don't have anything to give you. +What's beyond this place -- do you know? No, no, no +No, no, no Did your Mother or Father ever mention another place? +Did your Mother or Father ever mention another place? Never, never, ever. Nothing. +May we stay here for a while? We'd like to rest. Of course you can stay. This belongs to the people. +Are you ready to put him in? Not yet. +Not yet. All right. +We're leaving. What a pity. I was hoping you'd be here to bury me. +To a city with thousands and thousands of people. Alive? +Thousands and thousands... as many as my cats? More... many more. +More... many more. And all alive you say? +Is that really it? It doesn't seem very far. Will we be there soon? I promise. We'll go on as soon as it's light. +That's better than gold when it's cold. "Thank you. Tell me -- what do those words mean? ""Beloved husband""... ""Beloved son""... ""Beloved wife""..." +"Thank you. Tell me -- what do those words mean? ""Beloved husband""... ""Beloved son""... ""Beloved wife""..." "My father was the husband and my mother was the wife. ""Beloved"" is a word they used -- to stay together." +"My father was the husband and my mother was the wife. ""Beloved"" is a word they used -- to stay together." Stay? They lived together all their years? +Stay? They lived together all their years? Oh, yes... I think... +I know... We're going to try and get in this way. I don't think you can make it. Oh... I did so look forward to seeing all those people. +Oh... I did so look forward to seeing all those people. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Yes... +Yes... Can you make it back? +Can you make it back? Oh my... I'll try. +Break-in scanners report intrusion, identify. Logan-5... Francis-7, authorized duty quadrant. Intrusion accidental. +Logan-5... Francis-7, authorized duty quadrant. Intrusion accidental. Clear Logan-5 and Francis-7. +I don't know who you are. I'd like to thank someone. It doesn't matter who we are. Follow the tunnel to the end. +It doesn't matter who we are. Follow the tunnel to the end. Will there be someone to tell us where to go from there...? +Someone will follow. When you come to the lock, he will tell you how to go on the other side. Jessica may go with you as far as the lock. No. Jessica goes back now. Take her back. Now! Go on back. Back outside, Jessica. +Well? How do you like it? I don't know. The cheeks maybe... look a little -- +I don't know. The cheeks maybe... look a little -- Cheeks? Cheeks? Right. Too much, you think? +Cheeks? Cheeks? Right. Too much, you think? Too little. +Too little. Too little? Too little. Okay, wait for me. +No -- just there -- on the first level. Don't look for us. We'll see you. You don't seem quite sure, Jessica. Can you do it? Will you? +You're not contagious are you? I don't think so. +I don't think so. Good... You up for a drive? +Good... You up for a drive? Where to? Hey, Lanie, I heard you were out of it for a while, too. +"Just goin' up'ta ""Tops""... Maybe the ""Ten Pin""." "Sheila'll be at ""Tops""." +"Sheila'll be at ""Tops""." Sure, what's wrong with that? +Sure, what's wrong with that? Okay. +"This rod is a fuckin', embarrassment, Carl. Whatiya burn in this thing, ""V""?" Texaco... What's wrong with that? +Texaco... What's wrong with that? Listen. +Listen. You gotta be kiddin'... This is the boulevard... You can't hear yourself think. +You want somethin'? No, I'm okay. +What's happenin'? They're comin' with us. +They're comin' with us. Pile in. +You okay, man? What? +What? You okay?... What's wrong? +Pete... You okay? Yeah. +I'm, okay... You okay? Sure, I'm okay. +Do you always sleep here?... In this room?... Both of you? This is our bedroom. +You're a musician? Yes, I thought my wife... +I like to remember things my own way. What do you mean by that? +What do you mean by that? How I remember them. Not necessarily the way they happened. +Why not? It kept going off for some reason. False alarms. +Why not? I forgot. Anyway, I hate the idea of acting paranoid. +Very strange. What is? +What is? The angle. The high angle shot on the tape. +Do you own a video camera? No. Fred hates them. +No. Maid? Relative? +Maid? Relative? No, one of us is always here to let the maid in. Nobody else has a key. +We'll see that the patrol of the house is doubled. I don't know if I want to stay here. I don't feel safe. +How'd the camera get so high like that? And smooth... Almost no movement - back and forth, I mean. +And smooth... Almost no movement - back and forth, I mean. Like you'd get if it was hand held. +Like you'd get if it was hand held. Right... This just glided along. +Might be a good time to try using it again. Anybody else have a key to the house. +We'll keep a watch on the house. As best we can. +As best we can. If anything else happens, you'll call us. +You don't remember being awakened? It looks like you were aware of someone. Or something. +Has anyone made any threats to either of you recently? Or not so recently? +Now we'll see what this son of a bitch is up to. Yeah. +You recognize that guy? Yeah... Laurent. +What a fuckin' job. His or ours? +His or ours? Ours, Ed. +We've got Pete Dayton's prints all over this place. You know what I think? +You know what I think? What's that, Ed? +What's that, Ed? There's no such thing as a bad coincidence. +I was here yesterday. Yeah, I remember. +Yeah, I remember. How would you like to take me to dinner? +How would you like to take me to dinner? I don't know. +I don't know. Okay, then, I'll take you to dinner. +Where's your phone? I have to call another taxi. Over there. +I want more. Me, too. +Me, too. Can I call you? +Can I call you? Yeah... Call me at home. I'll give you the number. +Yeah... Call me at home. I'll give you the number. Okay, baby. +Hello. It's me... +It's me... Hi. +Hi. I can't see you tonight. +I can't see you tonight. Okay... +Okay... I have to go somewhere with Mr. Eddy. +I have to go somewhere with Mr. Eddy. Sure. +Sure. I think he suspects something... We have to be careful... I miss you. +Pete? Me, too. +Me, too. I'll call you again. +Hello. Meet me at the Starlight Motel on Sycamore... I'll be there in twenty minutes. +Meet me at the Starlight Motel on Sycamore... I'll be there in twenty minutes. Okay. +He'll kill us. Are you positive he knows? +Are you positive he knows? I'm not positive... but... he knows. +I'm not positive... but... he knows. So what do we do? +So what do we do? I don't know. +I don't know. We should stop seeing each other. +We should stop seeing each other. No... no. +Have you partied with him? I used to. +You like it? No, honey... It was part of the deal. +No, honey... It was part of the deal. What deal? +What deal? He works for Mr. Eddy. +He works for Mr. Eddy. What's he do? +What's he do? He makes films for Mr. Eddy. +He makes films for Mr. Eddy. Pornos. +Pornos. Yeah. +Yeah. How'd you get in with these fuckin' people? +How'd you get in with these fuckin' people? Pete... Don't... +Pete... Don't... How'd it happen, Alice? +How'd it happen, Alice? It was a long time ago... I met someone at this place called Moke's... we became friends. He told me about a job... +It was a long time ago... I met someone at this place called Moke's... we became friends. He told me about a job... In pornos? +In pornos? No... A job... I didn't know what. He set up an appointment for me to see a man. +You liked it. If you want me to go away, I'll go away. +So, should I call Andy? Andy? +Andy? That's his name... Andy. Our ticket out of here. +That's his name... Andy. Our ticket out of here. Yeah. Call him. +I'll set it up for tomorrow night. You'll meet me at his place at eleven o'clock... Don't drive there... Take a bus... Make sure no one follows you... His address is easy to remember... It's 2224 Deep Dell Place... It's a white stucco job on the south side of the street... I'll be upstairs with Andy... The back door will be open... That leads into the kitchen - go through the kitchen to the living room - there's a bar there... At eleven fifteen, I'll ask Andy to fix me a drink... When he does, you can crack him in the head... Okay? Okay... +Okay... Lemme call him now. Make sure he's not already busy tomorrow night. +Lemme call him now. Make sure he's not already busy tomorrow night. Okay. +Set. Why are ya goin' so early? +Why are ya goin' so early? 'Cause that's how long it's gonna take, baby. +'Cause that's how long it's gonna take, baby. What if Andy tips off Mr. Eddy? +What if Andy tips off Mr. Eddy? Are you kidding?... I've got so much on Andy, it isn't funny. +Are you kidding?... I've got so much on Andy, it isn't funny. What about tonight?... Whatiya gonna do about Mr. Eddy tonight? +What about tonight?... Whatiya gonna do about Mr. Eddy tonight? I'm not goin' home tonight... I'm goin' somewhere else... To a girlfriend's house. But, we still have a coupla things to take care of... +I'm not goin' home tonight... I'm goin' somewhere else... To a girlfriend's house. But, we still have a coupla things to take care of... Oh, yeah?... What else? +Are you my man? Yes. +Yes. Are you gonna be a man about this, Pete? +You got him. Alice, I... +You all right? We killed him. +We killed him. You killed him. +You killed him. Alice? +Alice... We gotta get the stuff and get out of here. +Where's the bathroom? Up the stairs - down the hall. +Look at all this shit... I know a fence... he'll give us money and get us passports in exchange for this and the car... We can go anywhere. Alice? +Andy, who is that guy? I don't know his name. He's a friend of Dick Laurent's, I think. +I don't know his name. He's a friend of Dick Laurent's, I think. Dick Laurent? +Dick Laurent? Yes, I believe so. +Yes, I believe so. But Dick Laurent is dead, isn't he? +But Dick Laurent is dead, isn't he? He is? I didn't think you knew Dick. How do you know he's dead? +I don't. I don't know him. Dick can't be dead. Who told you he was dead? +Wonderful!!... Wonderful to see you, Pete. How are you? Feeling good, Arnie. Ready to get to work. +Feeling good, Arnie. Ready to get to work. Wonderful, Pete. Really wonderful. Alotta people Pete... alotta people are gonna be very happy. +Mr. Smith has been waiting for you and Mrs. Trueworthy. Can you take care of Mr. Smith now? Sure. +Sure. Mr. Eddy's called every day... Can I call him to come in? +Mr. Eddy's called every day... Can I call him to come in? Sure, Arnie. Bring 'em on, I'm ready. +Better. "Arnie called this morning while you were sleepin'. They miss you pretty bad down at the garage. I told 'im you still had a ""fever""." +"Arnie called this morning while you were sleepin'. They miss you pretty bad down at the garage. I told 'im you still had a ""fever""." Okay. Thanks. +Okay. Thanks. Nice to know they can't seem to get along without ya. +Nice to know they can't seem to get along without ya. Yeah. +Yeah. You really don't remember the other night, do you? +You really don't remember the other night, do you? What night is that? +What night is that? The night before you showed up in the slammer... +Goin' out with these clowns for a while. Do ya good. +Hey. Sit down a minute. +Sit down a minute. What's up? +What's up? Sit down. +You don't look so good. I gotta headache... What's goin' on? +I gotta headache... What's goin' on? The police called us. +The police called us. Yeah? what did they want? +Yeah? what did they want? They wanted to know if we'd had a chance to find out what happened to you the other night. They wanted to know if you remembered anything. +They wanted to know if we'd had a chance to find out what happened to you the other night. They wanted to know if you remembered anything. But I don't remember anything. What did you tell 'em? +Sheila? Yes, there was a man with you... She brought you here... She didn't know what else to do. +Yes, there was a man with you... She brought you here... She didn't know what else to do. What is this? Why didn't you tell me? What?... I don't remember any of this. +Never saw him before in my life. Did you tell the police this? +Did you tell the police this? We're not saying anything about that night to the police. We should all forget that night. +We're not saying anything about that night to the police. We should all forget that night. What happened to me? +Please tell me. No. +A cell that was supposed to be occupied by an inmate named Fred Madison. The wife killer? +The wife killer? Yes. +His condition? What do you mean? His physical condition. +His physical condition. Same as always. Pete takes care of himself. +Have you made any charges against him? No. +No. Then he's coming home with his mother and me. +Then he's coming home with his mother and me. All right... but you see our predicament... Legally we can't hold him, but he may be able to help us... perhaps later. For now, he's free to leave. +Just rest easy, Pete. You're gonna be okay. Are you hungry, honey? I'll fix you something. +Where's Pete? Out in back. +Out in back. You talk to him? +You talk to him? No... Here he comes. +We saw you that night, Pete. You came home. Your friend Sheila brought you here. +Repeat that, Bill. Warden, it's not him. It was not Fred Madison in that cell. +Warden, it's not him. It was not Fred Madison in that cell. Of course, it's Madison!!! Who else could it be? +Of course, it's Madison!!! Who else could it be? I don't know. The guards say they've never seen him before. +I don't know. The guards say they've never seen him before. Where is he now? +Where is he now? He's in the infirmary, being examined. +He's in the infirmary, being examined. Did you ask him who he is? +Did you ask him who he is? He... He can't talk. it appears as if he can't talk, anyway. +He... He can't talk. it appears as if he can't talk, anyway. If he's not Madison, then where's Madison? +If he's not Madison, then where's Madison? I've got men searching the building and the grounds now. +How about Madison? Have we had even a hint of his whereabouts? Nothing, Marsh. Vanished. There's an APB out on him. His photo's been faxed nationwide. +One of the guards must have leaked it. What's the word on the street? +You just gonna let him go? We'll get a tail put on him. +Now, Mack, what's the situation? I'm not entirely certain, Captain. You'll have to see for yourself. +That's not Fred Madison? No, sir, it's not. +No, sir, it's not. Who is it? +Who is it? I couldn't say, sir... Captain Henderson? +I couldn't say, sir... Captain Henderson? Yeah, Mack? +Yeah, Mack? Captain... this is some spooky shit we got here. +I wouldn't know how. You say you haven't seen your son since the day before yesterday? +You say you haven't seen your son since the day before yesterday? When he went to work, right. +When he went to work, right. What about yesterday? +What about yesterday? He didn't come home. +I want to see him. Yes, and we need to talk to him... if we can. Mel, let's get Peter in here. +Pete, can you tell us now, anything about this? Pete, what happened to you? +No... I don't feel so good. I would like some aspirin. Coming up. +Do you remember? No... I don't. Why? +What's the matter? Nothin'. +We know that. Who was the man? +Who is it? He won't give his name. +What is this, Rogoff? I don't know yet. +Who is this man? He's just been fingerprinted, and I'll run these blood tests right away. We'll find out soon enough. +He's not Madison? Not even close. +I examined Madison last night, Marshall. He had a headache. A headache? +A headache? I did a routine once-over, and gave him a sleeping pill. I've never seen this man before. Neither have the guards. I don't think he's in the system. +WHAT DID YOU SAY? I... I didn't say anything... +I won't ever tailgate. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FUCKIN' CAR LENGTHS IT TAKES TO STOP A CAR AT 35 M.P.H.? +DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FUCKIN' CAR LENGTHS IT TAKES TO STOP A CAR AT 35 M.P.H.? No. +No. SIX FUCKIN' CAR LENGTHS... THAT'S ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIX FUCKIN' FEET, MISTER! YOU WERE FOLLOWING TEN FEET BEHIND ME... IF I'D HAD TO STOP SUDDENLY, YOU WOULD HAVE HIT ME. I WANT YOU TO GET A DRIVER'S MANUAL, AND I WANT YOU TO STUDY THAT MOTHERFUCKER... AND I WANT YOU TO OBEY THE GOD DAMN RULES. FIFTY FUCKIN' THOUSAND PEOPLE WERE KILLED ON THE ROAD LAST YEAR. CAUSE OF FUCKIN' ASSHOLES LIKE YOU. TELL ME YOU'RE GONNA GET A MANUAL. +SIX FUCKIN' CAR LENGTHS... THAT'S ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIX FUCKIN' FEET, MISTER! YOU WERE FOLLOWING TEN FEET BEHIND ME... IF I'D HAD TO STOP SUDDENLY, YOU WOULD HAVE HIT ME. I WANT YOU TO GET A DRIVER'S MANUAL, AND I WANT YOU TO STUDY THAT MOTHERFUCKER... AND I WANT YOU TO OBEY THE GOD DAMN RULES. FIFTY FUCKIN' THOUSAND PEOPLE WERE KILLED ON THE ROAD LAST YEAR. CAUSE OF FUCKIN' ASSHOLES LIKE YOU. TELL ME YOU'RE GONNA GET A MANUAL. I'll get a manual. and study it. +I'll get a manual. and study it. "FUCKIN' ""A""." +That's it. Let's have a look at the hallway outside the bedroom. +There's no other bedroom? No... There is, I mean, I use it as a practice room... it's soundproofed. +What's your axe? Tenor... Tenor saxophone. Do you... +Tenor... Tenor saxophone. Do you... Tone deaf. +Did you use the alarm system since we were here last? The first night... Not the last two. +Something wrong? My... My head. +My... My head. Headache, huh? Too much sun, I guess. You want to come in? Still got forty- five minutes outside if you want it. +Headache, huh? Too much sun, I guess. You want to come in? Still got forty- five minutes outside if you want it. No, no. I want to go in. +What's bothering you, Madison? The pain is getting worse. I need more aspirin. +The pain is getting worse. I need more aspirin. I can't give you anymore. I'll talk to the doctor. +What is it? Aspirin... fly head. I gotta have more aspirin. +Aspirin... fly head. I gotta have more aspirin. The doctor said not to give you anything. You can see him in the morning. +The doctor said not to give you anything. You can see him in the morning. But my head... +We've met before, haven't we? I don't think so. Where was it that you think we've met? +I don't think so. Where was it that you think we've met? At your house. Don't you remember? +At your house. Don't you remember? No, no I don't. Are you sure? +No, no I don't. Are you sure? Of course. In fact, I'm there right now. +Of course. In fact, I'm there right now. What do you mean? You're where right now? +What do you mean? You're where right now? At your house. +At your house. That's absurd. +Where's Alice? Alice who? +You don't mind that I'm not coming tonight? What are you going to do? +What are you going to do? I thought I'd stay home and read. +It's nice to know I can still make you laugh. I like to laugh, Fred. +I like to laugh, Fred. That's why I married you. +That's why I married you. Wake me up when you get home. +What's that? A videotape. +A videotape. Who's it from? +Who's it from? I don't know... There's no return address on the envelope... In fact, there's no address on it. +I don't know... There's no return address on the envelope... In fact, there's no address on it. Does it say anything on the tape? +Does it say anything on the tape? No, nothing. +It must be from a real estate agent. Maybe. +Good book, huh? Huh?... oh, yeah, it is. +Huh?... oh, yeah, it is. Same one you were reading the other night? +Same one you were reading the other night? What night? +What night? When you didn't come to the club. +When you didn't come to the club. Oh. Oh, yeah. No. This is a different one. +Oh. Oh, yeah. No. This is a different one. I called, you know. +I called, you know. Called? When? +Called? When? From the club. You didn't answer. +From the club. You didn't answer. I must have fallen asleep. I was asleep when you got home, wasn't I? +I must have fallen asleep. I was asleep when you got home, wasn't I? You were asleep when I got home, yes. +I had a dream about you last night... Yeah? +Yeah? You were in the house... calling my name... but I couldn't find you. +You're up early. That dog woke me. I lay there for a while, then decided to get up. +That dog woke me. I lay there for a while, then decided to get up. Who the hell owns that dog? +What's that? Another tape? Yes, I just found it on the step. +Don't you want to watch it? I guess so. +We've got to call the police. All right. +So? Two detectives are coming out. +We will. Thanks, guys. +What the hell is going on?! I wish I knew. +What was that?!!! What? +What? On the tape! There was something else on the tape. +No, I don't remember anything. it looks like I... but... I don't remember. Why would anyone do something like this? +Where would you feel safe? I don't know. Maybe a hotel. +I'll make sure the alarm is set from now on. But that doesn't solve the problem. Who is doing this? And why? +I thought you were getting me a drink? Just a minute. +Let's go home. But... +But... Now! We're leaving now! I didn't want to come here in the first place. +It was a long time ago... I met him at this place called Moke's... We... became friends... He told me about a job... What job? +What job? I don't remember... Anyway, Andy's okay... +I don't remember... Anyway, Andy's okay... He's got some fucked up friends. +I told you to stay in the car! Why? what is it? Why did you make me wait out here? +Why? what is it? Why did you make me wait out here? I thought there might be somebody inside. +I thought there might be somebody inside. Was there? +Was there? No... of course not. +Did you see that about the guy who chopped up his wife into a million pieces? How could I miss it? The TV won't quit with that stuff. +How could I miss it? The TV won't quit with that stuff. They're gonna cook him. +They're gonna cook him. Andy's from Utah. He says there you have a choice... You can die by hanging or by firing squad. +Andy's from Utah. He says there you have a choice... You can die by hanging or by firing squad. Which would you choose? +Andy would go for this, don't you think?... Firing squad, definitely. Do they aim for the head or for the heart? +Do they aim for the head or for the heart? The heart, I guess. +The heart, I guess. I wouldn't... The brain would know what's going on. Your heart would be ripped open trying to pump blood, blood pouring into the chest cavity. Savage pain, Marian. +What happened? Somebody givin' you trouble? No, it's nothin'... I'm all right. +No, it's nothin'... I'm all right. Because if anybody's givin' you trouble, Pete, I can take care of the problem... like that. +Because if anybody's givin' you trouble, Pete, I can take care of the problem... like that. No, no... It's okay, Mr. Eddy. +No, no... It's okay, Mr. Eddy. I mean it, Pete... Like THAT!! +I mean it, Pete... Like THAT!! Thanks, Mr. Eddy... whatiya need? Just the regular tune-up? +Thanks, Mr. Eddy... whatiya need? Just the regular tune-up? I want you to ride with me. Somethin' doesn't sound right. +I want you to ride with me. Somethin' doesn't sound right. Okay... Lemme clear it with... +Okay... Lemme clear it with... It's okay with Arnie... Come on, let's go. +Give that a try. All right! +Beautiful! Smooth as shit from a duck's ass. Let's take a ride. Whatever you say, Mr. Eddy. +Sorry about that, Pete, but tailgating is one thing I can't tolerate. I can see that. +I can see that. I'll bet you know how many car lengths it takes to stop at... say 45 m.p.h. +I'll bet you know how many car lengths it takes to stop at... say 45 m.p.h. Eight, nine car lengths. A hundred and sixty-two feet. +Eight, nine car lengths. A hundred and sixty-two feet. At sixty? +At sixty? Fifteen car lengths. About two hundred and seventy feet. +Fifteen car lengths. About two hundred and seventy feet. What'd I tell ya. +Thanks, Mr. Eddy. "No... Thank you!... I'll be bringin' the ""Caddy"" by tomorrow." +You like pornos? Pornos? +Pornos? Yeah. Give ya a boner. +Yeah. Give ya a boner. No thanks, Mr. Eddy. +Suit yourself, champ. Okay... Well, I'll see ya then. +Okay... Well, I'll see ya then. You will. +I'm leavin' the Caddy, like I told you. Think you'll get a chance to give her a once over today? Sure... Sure, Mr. Eddy. You gonna pick it up later, or tomorrow? +Sure... Sure, Mr. Eddy. You gonna pick it up later, or tomorrow? If you think you can finish it, I'll be back later today. +If you think you can finish it, I'll be back later today. It'll be ready. +It'll be ready. You're my man, Pete. +How ya doin', Pete? Okay. +Okay. I'm sure you noticed that girl that was with me the other day... Good lookin' blonde? She stayed in the car?... +Her name is Alice. You know I love that girl to death. If I ever found out somebody was makin' out with her, I'd take this... ...and shove it so far up his ass it would come out his mouth... Then you know what?... What? +What? I'd pull the trigger and shoot him right between the eyes. +Hello. Hey, Pete... How ya doin'? +Hey, Pete... How ya doin'? Who is this? +Who is this? You know who it is. +Mr. Eddy? Yeah... How ya doin', Pete? +Yeah... How ya doin', Pete? Okay. +Okay. You're doin, okay? That's good, Pete. +You're doin, okay? That's good, Pete. Look... It's late, Mr. Eddy... I ... +Look... It's late, Mr. Eddy... I ... I'm really glad you're doin' okay, Pete. +You sure you're doin' okay? Everything all right? Yeah. +Yeah. That's good, Pete. Hey... I want you to talk to a friend of mine. +I don't think so. Where was it that you think we've met? At your house. Don't you remember? +At your house. Don't you remember? No. No, I don't. +No. No, I don't. We just killed a couple of people... +We just killed a couple of people... What? +What's goin' on? Great question!! In the east... the far east... when a person is sentenced to death... they're sent to a place where they can't escape... never knowing when an executioner will step up behind them and fire a bullet into the back of their head... it could be days... weeks... or even years after the death sentence has been pronounced... This uncertainty adds an exquisite element of torture to the situation, don't you think? It's been a pleasure talking to you. +I missed you. Yeah?... +Yeah?... Yeah. +What are you guys doin'? "Guess we're goin' over to the ""Ten Pin""." +"Guess we're goin' over to the ""Ten Pin""." You want some company? +You want some company? Sure. +Why haven't you called me? Sorry... I... +What's happening to you? What happened to your face? I don't know. +I don't know. What do you mean?... You've been acting strange lately... Like the other night. +What do you mean?... You've been acting strange lately... Like the other night. What night? +What night? Last time I saw you. +Last time I saw you. I don't remember... What happened that night? +I don't remember... What happened that night? You sure weren't acting like the Pete Dayton I've always known. +You sure weren't acting like the Pete Dayton I've always known. Whatiya mean? +Whatiya mean? You were acting like a different person. +You still care about me? Sure. Sure I do. +What else about that night?... Did anything happen? You really don't remember? +You really don't remember? No... I told you. +No... I told you. It was weird... +It was weird... Whatiya mean, Sheila? +Whatiya mean, Sheila? I don't want to talk about it... +I don't want to talk about it... Sheila?! +Sheila?! No... I really don't want to talk about it. +What do you want? Nothin'... You want to go for a drive? +Nothin'... You want to go for a drive? I don't know. +I don't know. Come on... get in. +Why don't you like me? I do like you, Sheila. +Where'd you come from? I've been here. You were lookin, right at me. +I've been here. You were lookin, right at me. I was? +I was? Yeah. +I didn't know you cared. Come on. +Sheila, what is it?... What are you doin' here? You've been fucking somebody else haven't you? +You've been fucking somebody else haven't you? Sheila... +Sheila... You fuck me whenever you want... You don't call... Tell me who she is. +Hey... Sheila. What's the BITCH'S name?! +What's the BITCH'S name?! Look Sheila... I'm sorry... +Look Sheila... I'm sorry... YOU'RE SORRY!! +YOU'RE SORRY!! Go home, Sheila. +Sheila... Stop... FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU!! +Cable from Gainsford. Oh, read it! +Oh, read it! """Leaving today for London with Conway aboard S.S. Manchuria. Conway can tell nothing of his experiences. Is suffering from complete loss of memory. Signed, Gainsford.""" +All of it? Yes. Might as well - all of it. +Yes. Might as well - all of it. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. I'll dispatch a convoy to meet him. +Conway's gone again! Run out! Listen to this! From Gainsford. "Let me have it. ""Aboard the S.S. Manchuria. Last night Conway seemed to recover his memory. Kept talking about Shangri- La, telling a fantastic story about a place in Tibet. Insisted upon returning there at once. Locked him in room but he escaped us and jumped ship during night at Singapore. Am leaving ship myself to overtake him, as fearful of his condition. Wrote down details of Conway's story about Shangri-La which I am forwarding. Lord Gainsford.""" +Where's the girl? Miss Stone. She's remaining in her room. She isn't feeling very well. Now please go on without me. I eat very little. +Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with that meal! Thank you. +Not even a radio? It's always been a source of deep regret, but the mountains surrounding us have made reception almost impossible. +What about those men we met this morning? Yes. Those are our own people. They never venture beyond the point where you were met this morning. It is much too hazardous. +Two years!? Yes. +I beg your pardon, brother. What did you say you were hunting? Fossils. +Fossils. Fossils, huh? +Fossils, huh? I'm a paleontologist. +I'm a paleontologist. A what? +A what? A paleontologist. +A paleontologist. Oh, I see. +I have here a discovery that will startle the world. It's the vertebrae from the lumbar of a Megatherium,[4] found in Asia. Well, what do you know about that! +Well, what do you know about that! Found in Asia! +Found in Asia! Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. When I get home I shall probably be knighted for it. +When I get home I shall probably be knighted for it. Knighted! You don't say. Do you mind if I take a look at it? +Knighted! You don't say. Do you mind if I take a look at it? Not at all. +Sorry. This is the only thing I was able to save when those heathens surrounded me. +This is the only thing I was able to save when those heathens surrounded me. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. You see, from this vertebrae I shall be able to reconstruct the entire skeleton. +You see, from this vertebrae I shall be able to reconstruct the entire skeleton. Wait a minute, you expect to be knighted for finding that soupbone? +Wait a minute, you expect to be knighted for finding that soupbone? It was the vertebrae of a Megatherium - found in Asia. +It was the vertebrae of a Megatherium - found in Asia. Yeah, I remember. You said that before. +Yeah, I remember. You said that before. Sir Henry Derwent was knighted, and he never got beyond the mesozoic era. +Yes, it just shows— I don't know why I'm talking to you. I don't know you. Who are you? Okay, brother. +Okay, brother. Don't call me brother. +Don't call me brother. Okay, sister. No offense. No offense! +Good morning, Lovey. I beg your pardon. +I beg your pardon. I say, good morning, Lovey. +I say, good morning, Lovey. Good morning— +I didn't care for 'sister' last night, and I don't like 'Lovey' this morning. My name is Lovett - Alexander, P. I see. +I see. I see. +I see. Well, it's a good morning, anyway. +Well, it's a good morning, anyway. I'm never conversational before I coffee. +Wait a minute. Is it a good morning? Say, we're supposed to be traveling east, aren't we? Why, of course. Yes. +Why, of course. Yes. Well, it looks to me as if we're traveling west. +Well, it looks to me as if we're traveling west. That's ridiculous. +That's ridiculous. Is it? +Is it? It certainly is. +It certainly is. Look here— +Look here— Any child knows how to tell direction. Any child. I don't care where the child is - in the air, on the earth, or in the sea. If you face the rising sun, your right hand is the north, and your left hand is the south— +Any child knows how to tell direction. Any child. I don't care where the child is - in the air, on the earth, or in the sea. If you face the rising sun, your right hand is the north, and your left hand is the south— I always get it twisted because I'm left-handed. +I always get it twisted because I'm left-handed. Oh, really? +Oh, really? Yes. +Yes. Well, you just reverse it. Your left hand is— What difference does it make what 'hand' you are? The north is the north! +Well, you just reverse it. Your left hand is— What difference does it make what 'hand' you are? The north is the north! Uh-huh. All I know is - the sun rises in the east, and we're going away from it. +Uh-huh. All I know is - the sun rises in the east, and we're going away from it. Now you're irritating and absurd! +He might have lost his way. Of course. That's what I told them last night. You can't expect a man to sail around in the dark.[5] During this George has been looking around - he rises. +Yes. And who is he ? How'd he get there? Do you suppose we stopped someplace during the night and changed pilots? +Left us here to rot. That's what they've done. Heroes of the newspapers! All right, all right. Keep quiet. +Where are they? Do you see them? Yes! +Yes! Do you think they're cannibals? +Mr. Barnard, I do not like this place. I definitely do not like this place. Will you stop squawking! +Will you stop squawking! Look at me. Look at what they gave me to wear. +Look at me. Look at what they gave me to wear. You never looked better in your life. As soon as our clothes are cleaned, they're going to give them back to us, Lovey. +Something tells me this means food. Come on! I just feel as though I'm being made ready for the executioner. +Yeah? If this be execution, lead me to it. That's what they do with cattle just before the slaughter. Fatten them. +That's what they do with cattle just before the slaughter. Fatten them. Uh-huh. You're a scream, Lovey. +Uh-huh. You're a scream, Lovey. Please don't call me Lovey. +Some layout they got here. Did you get a load of the rooms? You couldn't do better at the Ritz. All the conveniences for the condemned, if you ask me. +Don't mind Lovey. He's got the misery. Mr. Conway, I don't like this place. I don't like it. It's too mysterious. +How about you Lovey? Come on. Let's you and I play a game of honeymoon bridge. I'm thinking. +I'm thinking. Thinking? What about some double solitaire? +Thinking? What about some double solitaire? As a matter of fact, I'm very good at double solitaire. +As a matter of fact, I'm very good at double solitaire. No kidding? +No kidding? Yes. +Yes. Then I'm your man. Come on, Toots. +And say, honey, you look a million per cent better. Wholesome, kind of - and clean. You take a tip from me, and don't you ever put that stuff on your face again. Why, it's like hiding behind a mask. Ha, ha - who are you to be talking about a mask? What do you mean? You've been wearing a mask ever since we met you. +Ha, ha - who are you to be talking about a mask? What do you mean? You've been wearing a mask ever since we met you. Have I? +Have I? It's very strange, you know. You've never told us anything about yourself. Who are you, anyway? Why don't you take your mask off for once! +Certainly not. Believe me, it's no fun. When you fellas picked me up at Baskul, they'd been on my tail for a year. +Believe me, it's no fun. When you fellas picked me up at Baskul, they'd been on my tail for a year. The police? +The police? Uh-huh. Did you ever hear of Chalmers Bryant? +That's too bad. I got a half million shares. My whole foundation! And now look at me! colossal nerve you have sitting there and talking about it so calmly - you, the swindler of thousands of people— +colossal nerve you have sitting there and talking about it so calmly - you, the swindler of thousands of people— You know, that's what makes the whole thing so funny. A guy like me starts out in life as a plumber - an ordinary, everyday, slew-footed plumber - and by the use of a little brains, mind you, he builds up a gigantic institution, employs thousands of people, becomes a great civic leader. And then the crash comes - and overnight he's the biggest crook the country ever had. +You know, that's what makes the whole thing so funny. A guy like me starts out in life as a plumber - an ordinary, everyday, slew-footed plumber - and by the use of a little brains, mind you, he builds up a gigantic institution, employs thousands of people, becomes a great civic leader. And then the crash comes - and overnight he's the biggest crook the country ever had. You are a thief, sir, and a swindler, and I, for one, will be only too glad to turn you over to the police when we get back. +Yes. Sounds like a stall to me. +I don't know why I associate with you, Mr. Barnard - or Mr. Chalmers Bryant - or Mr. Embezzler - or whatever your name may be. Just call me Barney. +Just call me Barney. Barney? Why should I? Never! We have nothing in common. Hmmpf, Barney! What effrontery! +Barney? Why should I? Never! We have nothing in common. Hmmpf, Barney! What effrontery! Okay, Lovey. +Okay, Lovey. And this trip to the valley. I can't imagine why I'd allow you to drag me down here. Why, we don't know anything about these people. We're not even armed! +And this trip to the valley. I can't imagine why I'd allow you to drag me down here. Why, we don't know anything about these people. We're not even armed! They're very nice people - except that they've got horns. +They're very nice people - except that they've got horns. Horns? +Yeah. You know. Horns? What kind of horns? +Hey Lovey, come here! Lovey, I asked for a glass of wine and look what I got. Come on, sit down. So that's where you are. I might of known it. No wonder you couldn't hear me. +So that's where you are. I might of known it. No wonder you couldn't hear me. You were asked to have a glass of wine. Sit down! +You were asked to have a glass of wine. Sit down! And be poisoned out here in the open? +And be poisoned out here in the open? Certainly not! +There you are! This doesn't obligate me in any way. +"—then the bears came right into the bedroom and the little baby bear said, ""Oh, somebody's been sleeping in my bed."" And then the mama bear said, ""Oh dear, somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"" And then the big papa bear, he roared, ""And somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"" Well, you have to admit the poor little bears were in a quandary!" I'm going to sleep in my bed. Come on, Lovey! +I'm going to sleep in my bed. Come on, Lovey! They were in a quandary, and— +They were in a quandary, and— Come on, Lovey. +Come on, Lovey. Why? Why 'come on' all the time? What's the matter? Are you going to be a fuss budget all your life? Here, drink it up! Aren't you having any fun? Where was I? +Why? Why 'come on' all the time? What's the matter? Are you going to be a fuss budget all your life? Here, drink it up! Aren't you having any fun? Where was I? In a quandary. +Oh my, isn't that pretty! What is it? Plumbing. Everything modern. I'm going to run pipes all through the village— +Charming chap. Nice puss to meet in a dark alley. +Well, that's that, I guess. Wonder what's happened to Fenner. +What are we going to do? Well, there's nothing we can do until the morning. +It's better than freezing to death down below, isn't it? I'll say. +That's what I say. What do you say to a rubber of bridge? I saw some cards in the other room. Not for me, thanks. No, I'm too weary. +Hey, hurry up, you slow-pokes - I'm starved! Please! Please! Do not wait for me! I eat so very little. +Yes. Unbosom yourself, Mr. Hyde.[11] All right, I will! I'll let my hair down! Why not? It can't make any real difference now. Hey Lovey, were you ever chased by the police? +Chalmers Bryant! Bryant's Utilities - that's me. +Yeah. I though you ran this joint. Mr. Chang - High Lamas or Low Lamas, do we get the porters? +You see? You get the idea? From this reservoir here I can pipe in the whole works. Oh, I'm going to get a great kick out of this. Of course it's just to keep my hand in, but with the equipment we have here, I can put a plumbing system in for the whole village down there. Can rig it up in no time. Do you realize those poor people are still going to the well for water? It's unbelievable. +It's unbelievable. Think of it! In times like these. +Think of it! In times like these. Say, what about that gold deal? +Say, what about that gold deal? Huh? +Huh? Gold. You were going to— +Gold. You were going to— Oh - that! That can wait. Nobody's going to run off with it. Say, I've got to get busy. I want to show this whole layout to Chang. So long. Don't you take any wooden nickels. +Oh - that! That can wait. Nobody's going to run off with it. Say, I've got to get busy. I want to show this whole layout to Chang. So long. Don't you take any wooden nickels. All right. +I say, will you have a cigarette? No. +No. Say, you're an American, aren't you? +Say, you're an American, aren't you? Say, listen - will you go and annoy the rest of your playmates? Let me alone! +Hey, what's happened to you? Nothing. Why? +Nothing. Why? Why, you look beautiful. +Look, honey. We run the pipes through here, and we connect with the main water line here. Pipes? Where are you going to get pipes? +Pipes? Where are you going to get pipes? Oh, that's a cinch. I'll show them how to cast pipes out of clay. +If you want me to! Sure - sure. Don't you worry. I'll take care of you. +Cave, eh? Where? Over by that hill. +Hey - look! Look, Bob! +There you are! Barnard, you'd better get your things together. We're leaving. Leaving? +Leaving? Yes. I've just been talking with the porters. They're going to take us. We've got clothing, food, everything. Come on! +Yes. I've just been talking with the porters. They're going to take us. We've got clothing, food, everything. Come on! When are you going to start? +When are you going to start? Right this very minute! The porters are waiting for us on the plateau. And that Chinaman thought he could stop me. Come along. +Right this very minute! The porters are waiting for us on the plateau. And that Chinaman thought he could stop me. Come along. I think I'll stick around. I'll leave with the porters on their next trip. +I think I'll stick around. I'll leave with the porters on their next trip. You mean you don't want to go? +You mean you don't want to go? Well - I'm— +Well - I'm— I see. You're afraid of going to jail, eh? +I see. You're afraid of going to jail, eh? Well, no. You see, I got this plumbing business— +Well, no. You see, I got this plumbing business— All right! If you insist on being an idiot, I'm not going to waste time coaxing you. How about you? +All right! If you insist on being an idiot, I'm not going to waste time coaxing you. How about you? Oh, no - you don't want to go yet, honey. She'll stick around too. Is that right? +And mine's Conway. How do you do? +How do you do? You've no idea, sir, how unexpected and very welcome you are. My friends and I - and the lady in the plane - left Baskul night before last for Shanghai, but we suddenly found ourselves traveling in the opposite direction— +Where is your mad pilot? He must have had a heart attack, or perhaps the fumes. When the plane landed he was dead. +You will need suitable clothes for the journey. It is not particularly far, but quite difficult. Thank you. +And the wine - excellent. I'm glad you like it. It's made right here in the valley. +It's three thousand feet, practically straight down to the floor of the valley. The Valley of the Blue Moon, as we call it. There are over two thousand people in the Valley besides those here in Shangri-La. Who and what is Shangri-La? You? +Who and what is Shangri-La? You? Goodness, no! +Goodness, no! So there are others? +So there are others? Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. Who, for instance? +Who, for instance? In time you will meet them all. +For a man who talks a great deal, it's amazing how unenlightening you can be. There are some things, my dear Conway, I deeply regret I may not discuss. +There are some things, my dear Conway, I deeply regret I may not discuss. You know, that's the fourth time you've said that today. You should have a record made of it. +You know, that's the fourth time you've said that today. You should have a record made of it. Shall we go inside? I should so like to show you some of our rare treasures. +By the way, what religion do you follow here? We follow many. +To put it simply, I should say that our general belief was in moderation. We preach the virtue of avoiding excesses of every kind, even including— —the excess of virtue itself. That's intelligent. +That's intelligent. We find, in the Valley, it makes for better happiness among the natives. We rule with moderate strictness and in return we are satisfied with moderate obedience. As a result, our people are moderately honest and moderately chaste and somewhat more than moderately happy. +We find, in the Valley, it makes for better happiness among the natives. We rule with moderate strictness and in return we are satisfied with moderate obedience. As a result, our people are moderately honest and moderately chaste and somewhat more than moderately happy. How about law and order? You have no soldiers or police? +How about law and order? You have no soldiers or police? Oh, good heavens, no! +Oh, good heavens, no! How do you deal with incorrigibles? Criminals? +How do you deal with incorrigibles? Criminals? Why, we have no crime here. What makes a criminal? Lack, usually. Avariciousness, envy, the desire to possess something owned by another. There can be no crime where there is a sufficiency of everything. +Why, we have no crime here. What makes a criminal? Lack, usually. Avariciousness, envy, the desire to possess something owned by another. There can be no crime where there is a sufficiency of everything. You have no disputes over women? +You have no disputes over women? Only very rarely. You see, it would not be considered good manners to take a woman that another man wanted. +Only very rarely. You see, it would not be considered good manners to take a woman that another man wanted. Suppose somebody wanted her so badly that he didn't give a hang if it was good manners or not? +Suppose somebody wanted her so badly that he didn't give a hang if it was good manners or not? Well, in that event, it would be good manners on the part of the other man to let him have her. +Well, in that event, it would be good manners on the part of the other man to let him have her. That's very convenient. I think I'd like that. +That's very convenient. I think I'd like that. You'd be surprised, my dear Conway, how a little courtesy all around helps to smooth out the most complicated problems. +But Mr. Chang, all these things - books, instruments, sculpture - do you mean to say they were all brought in over those mountains by porters? They were. +They were. Well, it must have taken– +Well, it must have taken– Centuries. +Centuries. Centuries! Where did you get the money to pay for all those treasures? +Centuries! Where did you get the money to pay for all those treasures? Of course we have no money as you know it. We do not buy or sell or seek personal fortunes because, well, because there is no uncertain future here for which to accumulate it. +That would suit me perfectly. I'm always broke. How did you pay for them? Our Valley is very rich in a metal called gold, which fortunately for us is valued very highly in the outside world. So we merely . . . +Our Valley is very rich in a metal called gold, which fortunately for us is valued very highly in the outside world. So we merely . . . —buy and sell? +—buy and sell? Buy and - sell? No, no, pardon me, exchange . +Buy and - sell? No, no, pardon me, exchange . I see. Gold for ideas. You know Mr. Chang, there's something so simple and naive about all of this that I suspect there has been a shrewd, guiding intelligence somewhere. Whose idea was it? How did it all start? +I see. Gold for ideas. You know Mr. Chang, there's something so simple and naive about all of this that I suspect there has been a shrewd, guiding intelligence somewhere. Whose idea was it? How did it all start? That, my dear Conway, is the story of a remarkable man. +That, my dear Conway, is the story of a remarkable man. Who? +Who? A Belgian priest by the name of Father Perrault, the first European to find this place, and a very great man indeed. He is responsible for everything you see here. He built Shangri-La, taught our natives, and began our collection of art. In fact, Shangri-La is Father Perrault. +A Belgian priest by the name of Father Perrault, the first European to find this place, and a very great man indeed. He is responsible for everything you see here. He built Shangri-La, taught our natives, and began our collection of art. In fact, Shangri-La is Father Perrault. When was all this? +When was all this? Oh, let me see - way back in 1713, I think it was, that Father Perrault stumbled into the Valley, half frozen to death. It was typical of the man that, one leg being frozen, and of course there being no doctors here, he amputated the leg himself. +Oh, let me see - way back in 1713, I think it was, that Father Perrault stumbled into the Valley, half frozen to death. It was typical of the man that, one leg being frozen, and of course there being no doctors here, he amputated the leg himself. He amputated his own leg? +He amputated his own leg? Yes. Oddly enough, later, when he had learned to understand their language, the natives told him he could have saved his leg. It would have healed without amputation. +Yes. Oddly enough, later, when he had learned to understand their language, the natives told him he could have saved his leg. It would have healed without amputation. Well, they didn't actually mean that. +Well, they didn't actually mean that. Yes, yes. They were very sincere about it too. You see, a perfect body in perfect health is the rule here. They've never known anything different. So what was true for them they thought would naturally be true for anyone else living here. +Yes, yes. They were very sincere about it too. You see, a perfect body in perfect health is the rule here. They've never known anything different. So what was true for them they thought would naturally be true for anyone else living here. Well, is it? +Well, is it? Rather astonishingly so, yes. And particularly so in the case of Father Perrault himself. Do you know when he and the natives were finished building Shangri-La, he was 108 years old and still very active, in spite of only having one leg? +Rather astonishingly so, yes. And particularly so in the case of Father Perrault himself. Do you know when he and the natives were finished building Shangri-La, he was 108 years old and still very active, in spite of only having one leg? 108 and still active? +108 and still active? You're startled? +You're startled? Oh, no. Just a little bowled over, that's all. +Oh, no. Just a little bowled over, that's all. "Forgive me. I should have told you it is quite common here to live to a very ripe old age. Climate, diet, mountain water, you might say. But we like to believe it is the absence of struggle in the way we live. In your countries, on the other hand, how often do you hear the expression, ""He worried himself to death?"" or, ""This thing or that killed him?""" +"Forgive me. I should have told you it is quite common here to live to a very ripe old age. Climate, diet, mountain water, you might say. But we like to believe it is the absence of struggle in the way we live. In your countries, on the other hand, how often do you hear the expression, ""He worried himself to death?"" or, ""This thing or that killed him?""" Very often. +Very often. And very true. Your lives are therefore, as a rule, shorter, not so much by natural death as by indirect suicide. +And very true. Your lives are therefore, as a rule, shorter, not so much by natural death as by indirect suicide. That's all very fine if it works out. A little amazing, of course. +That's all very fine if it works out. A little amazing, of course. Why, Mr. Conway, you surprise me! +Why, Mr. Conway, you surprise me! I surprise you? Now that's news. +I surprise you? Now that's news. I mean, your amazement. I could have understood it in any of your companions, but you - who have dreamed and written so much about better worlds. Or is it that you fail to recognize one of your own dreams when you see it? +I mean, your amazement. I could have understood it in any of your companions, but you - who have dreamed and written so much about better worlds. Or is it that you fail to recognize one of your own dreams when you see it? Mr. Chang, if you don't mind, I think I'll go on being amazed - in moderation, of course. +Mr. Chang, if you don't mind, I think I'll go on being amazed - in moderation, of course. Then everything is quite all right, isn't it? +One moment. You say the High Lama is the only one who can give us any information? The only one. +The only one. And he can arrange for the porters to take us back? +And he can arrange for the porters to take us back? The High Lama arranges everything, Mr. Conway. +The High Lama arranges everything, Mr. Conway. Well, then he's the man I want to see. Will you come along? +Yes. I'm afraid it does. Shall we have another? +Shall we have another? No thanks. Not tonight if you don't mind. +Charming, isn't she? Yes, charming. +Yes, charming. Your brother seems quite fascinated by her. +Your brother seems quite fascinated by her. Why not? She's an attractive young woman. +Why not? She's an attractive young woman. Young? She arrived here in 1888. She was 20 at the time. She was on her way to join her betrothed - when her carriers lost their way in the mountains. The whole party would have perished but for meeting some of our people. +Young? She arrived here in 1888. She was 20 at the time. She was on her way to join her betrothed - when her carriers lost their way in the mountains. The whole party would have perished but for meeting some of our people. Amazing! She still doesn't look over 20. When is she likely to grow old in appearance? +Amazing! She still doesn't look over 20. When is she likely to grow old in appearance? Not for years. Shangri-La will keep her youthful indefinitely. +Not for years. Shangri-La will keep her youthful indefinitely. Suppose she should leave it? +Suppose she should leave it? Leave Shangri-La! That's not likely. You couldn't drive her out. +Leave Shangri-La! That's not likely. You couldn't drive her out. No, I mean about her appearance. If she should leave the valley - what would happen? +No, I mean about her appearance. If she should leave the valley - what would happen? Oh, she'd quickly revert in her appearance to her actual age. +Oh, she'd quickly revert in her appearance to her actual age. It's weird. Chang, how old are you? +It's weird. Chang, how old are you? Age is a limit we impose upon ourselves. You know, each time you Westerners celebrate your birthday, you build another fence around your minds. +You must prevail upon him not to attempt the journey. He could never get through that country alive. I can't let him go alone. It's suicide! +What do you want? I've offered you some warm broth. I thought perhaps- +I've offered you some warm broth. I thought perhaps- You get out of here! If any of you men think you can come busting in here- +Please calm yourself. You'll soon be well if you do. I don't need any advice from you! Get me a doctor! +I don't need any advice from you! Get me a doctor! I'm sorry, but we have no doctors here. +I'm sorry, but we have no doctors here. No doctors? That's fine. That's just fine. +No doctors? That's fine. That's just fine. Please let me help you. +Please let me help you. Sure, you can help me! You can help me jump over that cliff! I've been looking and looking at the bottom of that mountain, but I haven't got the nerve to jump! +Sure, you can help me! You can help me jump over that cliff! I've been looking and looking at the bottom of that mountain, but I haven't got the nerve to jump! You shouldn't be looking at the bottom of the mountain. Why don't you try looking up at the top sometimes? +You shouldn't be looking at the bottom of the mountain. Why don't you try looking up at the top sometimes? Don't preach that cheap, second- hand stuff to me! Go on, beat it. Beat it! +Of course, the porters will be very well paid - that is, within reason. I'm afraid that wouldn't help. You see, we have no porters here. +I'm afraid that wouldn't help. You see, we have no porters here. No porters here!! +No porters here!! No. +"What exactly do you mean by ""almost any time now""?" Well, we've been expecting this particular shipment for the past two years. +You know, it's very, very strange, but when you saw me in the corridor, I was actually on my way to you. I bring the most amazing news. The High Lama wishes to see you, Mr. Conway. The High Lama! Who in blazes is he?! +Amazing, Mr. Chang. This place is amazing! And that marble quarry in the valley is simply magnificent. Oh, I've looked around. I've seen everything. Your woodworkers and your cloth-weavers - they all seem so very, very happy. Yes. +Yes. You may not know it, Mr. Chang, but right here you have Utopia.[15] +You may not know it, Mr. Chang, but right here you have Utopia.[15] You've very kind Mr. Lovett. +You've very kind Mr. Lovett. I don't mean it in that sense. I only give credit where credit is due. Er, Mr. Chang, I'm very anxious to have you realize that I never for a moment believed that ridiculous kidnapping story. +I don't mean it in that sense. I only give credit where credit is due. Er, Mr. Chang, I'm very anxious to have you realize that I never for a moment believed that ridiculous kidnapping story. Oh, I'm so glad. +Oh, I'm so glad. "Simply preposterous. Do you know what I did last night? Last night, Mr. Chang, I held a sort of a self- inventory. I said to myself last night, Mr. Chang, I said, ""Lovey""— Mr. Lovett! ""Mr. Lovett,"" I said, ""you are an ungrateful fool . . . """ +"Simply preposterous. Do you know what I did last night? Last night, Mr. Chang, I held a sort of a self- inventory. I said to myself last night, Mr. Chang, I said, ""Lovey""— Mr. Lovett! ""Mr. Lovett,"" I said, ""you are an ungrateful fool . . . """ Why, no. +Why, no. """Ungrateful fool . . . !"" Those were my very words to myself last night. ""Here are these people in Shangri-La doing everything in their power to make our stay comfortable and happy and I haven't done one single thing to show my appreciation.""" +"""Ungrateful fool . . . !"" Those were my very words to myself last night. ""Here are these people in Shangri-La doing everything in their power to make our stay comfortable and happy and I haven't done one single thing to show my appreciation.""" Now, what would you like to do? +Now, what would you like to do? Well, Mr. Chang, I thought, with your permission of course, and while I'm waiting for these porters, I would like to organize classes for those children in the valley and teach them something practical and something useful. Geology. +Well, Mr. Chang, I thought, with your permission of course, and while I'm waiting for these porters, I would like to organize classes for those children in the valley and teach them something practical and something useful. Geology. Splendid! +Splendid! Isn't it? Isn't it! You know I was a professor for twenty years? - and a very good one. +Isn't it? Isn't it! You know I was a professor for twenty years? - and a very good one. I'm sure you were. When would you like to start? +I'm sure you were. When would you like to start? Oh, immediately. +Oh, immediately. Then it's done. +Then it's done. Oh, thank you. Thank you! +Oh, thank you. Thank you! Thank you. +We were just going to bury him when you came along. Pardon me— +In that event, we better make arrangements to get some porters immediately. Some means to get us back to civilization. Are you so certain you are away from it? +Are you so certain you are away from it? As far away as I ever want to be. +As far away as I ever want to be. Oh, dear. +Oh, yes. There is a tribe of porters some five hundred miles from here. That is our only contact with the outside world. Every now and again, depending upon favorable weather of course, they make the journey. How can we get in touch with them? +How can we get in touch with them? In that respect, you are exceedingly fortunate. We are expecting a shipment from them almost any time now— +The High Lama is the only one from whom any information can come. Don't believe him, Bob. He's just trying to get out. +A fine trick! Smart, aren't you? What a pack of lies you told us about those porters! Of course the minute they arrive, we can make arrangements to leave. If they take us. But you knew very well you'd tell them not to! Now, my dear boy. You shouldn't— +Now, my dear boy. You shouldn't— You've been lying to us ever since we got here! Apparently it's worked with some people. Perhaps it's because they lack the courage to do anything about it. But not me, Chang. You're up against the wrong man. I'll get out of here, if I have to blow this fantastic place into the valley! I'll get out—porters or no porters! +It's all your fault! It was all arranged until he spoke to you! Why can't you leave us alone? Do you mean to tell me you want to leave Shangri-La? +Do you mean to tell me you want to leave Shangri-La? I'll die if I have to stay here another minute! I've waited a long time for this chance to go, and you're not going to stop me now. If I have to, I'll go alone. It was I who bribed the porters. If it weren't for me, you'd never get out! +I'll die if I have to stay here another minute! I've waited a long time for this chance to go, and you're not going to stop me now. If I have to, I'll go alone. It was I who bribed the porters. If it weren't for me, you'd never get out! I thought the porters had instructions from the High Lama not to take anyone. +I thought the porters had instructions from the High Lama not to take anyone. The High Lama? Who pays any attention to him? The porters laugh at the High Lama. All they want to know is how much gold he will give them. Well, I gave them more gold. I've been stealing it for a year. I'd do anything to get out of this place. To get away from that High Lama - the one who calls himself Father Perrault! Why, he's been insane for years! +The High Lama? Who pays any attention to him? The porters laugh at the High Lama. All they want to know is how much gold he will give them. Well, I gave them more gold. I've been stealing it for a year. I'd do anything to get out of this place. To get away from that High Lama - the one who calls himself Father Perrault! Why, he's been insane for years! Father Perrault is dead. +Father Perrault is dead. He's dead? That's fine. You won't see me shedding any tears over him! Oh George, you must take me with you! +He's dead? That's fine. You won't see me shedding any tears over him! Oh George, you must take me with you! Aren't you afraid to leave? You don't want to look like an old woman, do you? +Aren't you afraid to leave? You don't want to look like an old woman, do you? Old woman? Chang told you that, didn't he? +Old woman? Chang told you that, didn't he? Yes. +Yes. I thought so! He tells everyone I'm old. He wants them to stay away from me. He can't stand it when anyone comes near. He's punished me for every minute I've spent with George. If it weren't for him, I would have been out of here long ago, but he always stops me. Six months ago, I tried to escape and he locked me in a dark room. I nearly went crazy. Look at me, Mr. Conway, do I look like an old woman? Is this the skin of an old woman? Look into my eyes and see if these are the eyes of an old woman? +You're lying, aren't you? No, Mr. Conway, I'm not lying. What reason could I have for lying? The chances are that we'll never come out of that horrible trip alive, but I'd rather die out there in a snowstorm and be buried alive, than to stay here one more minute now. +Are you taking me? Yes, of course. Certainly. Come on! +No, I can't! I can't! You've got to let me rest! You've got to let me rest! Hey! +Sit here, near me. I am an old man and can do no one any harm. Are you the High Lama? +Are you the High Lama? Yes. +I trust you have been comfortable at Shangri-La, since your arrival. Personally, I've enjoyed your community very much. But my friends do not care for this mystery. They are determined to leave as soon as— +It's astonishing - and incredible, but— What is it, my son? +What is it, my son? You're the man Chang told me about! You're the first - who - two hundred years ago— —you're still alive, Father Perrault! +You're the man Chang told me about! You're the first - who - two hundred years ago— —you're still alive, Father Perrault! Sit down, my son. You may not know it, but I've been an admirer of yours for a great many years. +That Conway seemed to belong here. In fact, it was suggested that someone be sent to bring him here. That I be brought here? Who had that brilliant idea? +That I be brought here? Who had that brilliant idea? Sondra Bizet. +Sondra Bizet. Oh, the girl at the piano? +Oh, the girl at the piano? Yes. She has read your books and has a profound admiration for you, as have we all. +Yes. She has read your books and has a profound admiration for you, as have we all. Of course I have suspected that our being here is no accident. Furthermore, I have a feeling that we're never supposed to leave. But that, for the moment, doesn't concern me greatly. I'll meet that when it comes. What particularly interests me at present is, why was I brought here? What possible use can I be to an already thriving community? +Of course I have suspected that our being here is no accident. Furthermore, I have a feeling that we're never supposed to leave. But that, for the moment, doesn't concern me greatly. I'll meet that when it comes. What particularly interests me at present is, why was I brought here? What possible use can I be to an already thriving community? We need men like you here, to be sure that our community will continue to thrive. In return for which, Shangri-La has much to give you. You are still, by the world's standards, a youngish man. Yet in the normal course of existence, you can expect twenty or thirty years of gradually diminishing activity. Here, however, in Shangri- La, by our standards your life has just begun, and may go on and on. +We need men like you here, to be sure that our community will continue to thrive. In return for which, Shangri-La has much to give you. You are still, by the world's standards, a youngish man. Yet in the normal course of existence, you can expect twenty or thirty years of gradually diminishing activity. Here, however, in Shangri- La, by our standards your life has just begun, and may go on and on. But to be candid, Father, a prolonged future doesn't excite me. It would have to have a point. I've sometimes doubted whether life itself has any. And if that is so, then long life must be even more pointless. No, I'd need a much more definite reason for going on and on. +But to be candid, Father, a prolonged future doesn't excite me. It would have to have a point. I've sometimes doubted whether life itself has any. And if that is so, then long life must be even more pointless. No, I'd need a much more definite reason for going on and on. We have reason. It is the entire meaning and purpose of Shangri-La. It came to me in a vision, long, long, ago. I saw all the nations strengthening, not in wisdom, but in the vulgar passions and the will to destroy. I saw their machine power multiply until a single weaponed man might match a whole army. I foresaw a time when man, exulting in the technique of murder, would rage so hotly over the world that every book, every treasure, would be doomed to destruction. This vision was so vivid and so moving that I determined to gather together all the things of beauty and culture that I could and preserve them here against the doom toward which the world is rushing. Look at the world today! Is there anything more pitiful? What madness there is, what blindness, what unintelligent leadership! A scurrying mass of bewildered humanity crashing headlong against each other, propelled by an orgy of greed and brutality. The time must come, my friend, when this orgy will spend itself, when brutality and the lust for power must perish by its own sword. Against that time is why I avoided death and am here, and why you were brought here. For when that day comes, the world must begin to look for a new life. And it is our hope that they may find it here. For here we shall be with their books and their music and a way of life based on one simple rule: Be Kind. When that day comes, it is our hope that the brotherly love of Shangri-La will spread throughout the world. Yes, my son, when the strong have devoured each other, the Christian ethic may at last be fulfilled, and the meek shall inherit the earth. +Yes, of course, your brother is a problem. It was to be expected. I knew you'd understand. That's why I came to you for help. +I knew you'd understand. That's why I came to you for help. You must not look to me for help. Your brother is no longer my problem. He is now your problem, Conway. +You must not look to me for help. Your brother is no longer my problem. He is now your problem, Conway. Mine? +Mine? Because, my son, I am placing in your hands the future and destiny of Shangri-La. For I am going to die. +I have waited for you, my son, for a long time. I have sat in this room and seen the faces of newcomers. I have looked into their eyes and heard their voices - always in hope that I might find you . My friend, it is not an arduous task that I bequeath, for our order knows only silken bonds. To be gentle and patient, to care for the riches of the mind, to preside in wisdom, while the storm rages without. Do you think this will come in my time? +Bob! I think I hear motors! Colonel, wait a minute, they may be here now! Say George, get down on that field and guide those planes in when they get here. +Colonel, wait a minute, they may be here now! Say George, get down on that field and guide those planes in when they get here. Yes. +And be sure that none of the natives get in. Yes. +Yes. Hello? Colonel? +The power house - they've blown it up! The planes can't land without lights. Come on! We'll burn the hangar. That will make light for them! +All right, go ahead! We go on to the next plane. Bring out any people that are left. Right, Bob. +Bob, these are all that are left. Come on! Quick! This way. +The next time you're in wild country like this, keep in touch with the British Consul. Aha - very good, Freshie.[3] Very good. You'd better put his name on the list and make out a report later. +Just what I needed too. You? +You? Just this once, Bob. I feel like celebrating. Just think of it, Bob - a cruiser sent to Shanghai just to take you back to England. You know what it means. Here you are. Don't bother about those cables now. I want you to drink with me. Gentlemen, I give you Robert Conway - England's new Foreign Secretary. +Hurray! "How I'm going to bask in reflected glory! People are going to point to me and say, ""There goes George Conway - brother of the Foreign Secretary.""" +"How I'm going to bask in reflected glory! People are going to point to me and say, ""There goes George Conway - brother of the Foreign Secretary.""" Don't talk nonsense. Give me the bottle. +Hello, Freshie. Did you make that report out yet? Yes, Bob. +Yes, Bob. Did you say we saved ninety white people? +Did you say we saved ninety white people? Yes. +Yes. Hurray for us. Did you say that we left ten thousand natives down there to be annihilated? No, you wouldn't say that. They don't count. +Hurray for us. Did you say that we left ten thousand natives down there to be annihilated? No, you wouldn't say that. They don't count. You'd better try to get some sleep, Bob. +You'd better try to get some sleep, Bob. "Just you wait until I'm Foreign Secretary. Can't you just see me, Freshie, with all those other shrewd, little Foreign Secretaries? You see, the trick is to see who can out-talk the other. Everybody wants something for nothing, and if you can't get it with smooth talk, you send an army in. I'm going to fool them, Freshie. I'm not going to have an army. I'm going to disband mine. I'm going to sink my battleships - I'm going to destroy every piece of warcraft. Then when the enemy approaches we'll say, ""Come in, gentlemen - what can we do for you?"" So then the poor enemy soldiers will stop and think. And what will they think, Freshie? They'll think to themselves - ""Something's wrong here. We've been duped. This is not according to form. These people seem to be quite friendly, and why should we shoot them?"" Then they'll lay down their arms. You see how simple the whole thing is? Centuries of tradition kicked right in the pants— —and I'll be slapped straight into the nearest insane asylum." +Don't worry, George. Nothing's going to happen. I'll fall right into line. I'll be the good little boy that everybody wants me to be. I'll be the best little Foreign Secretary we ever had, just because I haven't the nerve to be anything else. Do try to sleep, Bob. +Do try to sleep, Bob. Huh? Oh, sure, Freshie. Good thing, sleep. +Oh, stop it! The bloke up there looks a Chinese, or a Mongolian, or something. +George, what are you going to do? I'm going to drag him out and force him to tell us what his game is. +What are these people? I don't know. I can't get the dialect. +Oh George, come on. It's not knowing that's so awful, Bob. Not knowing where you're going, or why, or what's waiting when you get there. +What is it? Has he fainted? It looks like it. Smell those fumes? +He's dead. Dead? +What is it? See that spot? +See that spot? Yes. +Yes. That's where we were this morning. He had it marked. Right on the border of Tibet. Here's where civilization ends. We must be a thousand miles beyond it - just a blank on the map. +That's where we were this morning. He had it marked. Right on the border of Tibet. Here's where civilization ends. We must be a thousand miles beyond it - just a blank on the map. What's it mean? +What's it mean? It means we're in unexplored country - country nobody ever reached. +Hello, George. Cigarette? Thanks. I suppose all this comes under the heading of adventure. +Thanks. I suppose all this comes under the heading of adventure. We've had plenty of it the last few days. +We've had plenty of it the last few days. It's far from over, from what I can see. This place gives me the creeps, hidden away like this - no contact with civilization. Bob, you don't seem concerned at all. +It's far from over, from what I can see. This place gives me the creeps, hidden away like this - no contact with civilization. Bob, you don't seem concerned at all. Oh, I'm feeling far too peaceful to be concerned about anything. I think I'm going to like it here. +Oh, I'm feeling far too peaceful to be concerned about anything. I think I'm going to like it here. You talk as though you intend on staying. +You talk as though you intend on staying. Something happened to me, when we arrived here, George, that - well - did you ever go to a totally strange place, and feel certain that you've been there before? +Something happened to me, when we arrived here, George, that - well - did you ever go to a totally strange place, and feel certain that you've been there before? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I don't know. +I don't know. You're a strange bird. No wonder Gainsford calls you the man who always wanted to see what was on the other side of the hill. +Don't you ever want to see what's on the other side of the hill? What could there be except just another hill? In any event, I'm not curious. At the moment, it seems to me we should be concerned about getting home. I'd give anything to be in London right now. +What could there be except just another hill? In any event, I'm not curious. At the moment, it seems to me we should be concerned about getting home. I'd give anything to be in London right now. Of course you would. If ever we get out of this place, the thing for you to do is to take that job with Helen's father. +Of course you would. If ever we get out of this place, the thing for you to do is to take that job with Helen's father. What do you mean if we should get out? +What do you mean if we should get out? "Did I say ""if""?" +"Did I say ""if""?" That's what you said. +That's what you said. Well - I mean— +Well - I mean— What's on your mind, Bob? You talk as though we're going to have trouble getting out of here. +What's on your mind, Bob? You talk as though we're going to have trouble getting out of here. George, I've been putting things together. Do you notice the resemblance between those natives and the pilot? And why did those clothes materialize so conveniently when they met us at the plane? Chang himself just said that they never venture beyond that point. What brought them there? Unless it was to meet us? +George, I've been putting things together. Do you notice the resemblance between those natives and the pilot? And why did those clothes materialize so conveniently when they met us at the plane? Chang himself just said that they never venture beyond that point. What brought them there? Unless it was to meet us? Chang's first question was about the pilot. +Chang's first question was about the pilot. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. There must be some connection between the plane and this place. They must have deliberately brought us here. Why, Bob? What reason could they have for doing a thing like that? +There must be some connection between the plane and this place. They must have deliberately brought us here. Why, Bob? What reason could they have for doing a thing like that? That's what's on the other side of the hill. +Well - I heard that if you want a man's wife, she's yours, if he's got any manners. Nothing about the porters yet? +Nothing about the porters yet? Porters? +Porters? Good heavens, Bob, we've been here two weeks and we haven't found out a thing. +Good heavens, Bob, we've been here two weeks and we haven't found out a thing. Well, we haven't been murdered in our beds yet, George, have we? +Well, we haven't been murdered in our beds yet, George, have we? I'm afraid the porters are just a myth. I guess we never will know why we're here, or how long we're going to be held prisoners. +I'm afraid the porters are just a myth. I guess we never will know why we're here, or how long we're going to be held prisoners. Shhh! +George, what do you think you're doing? Let me go, Bob! +George, come back! Chang! Chang! Chang! +Let me up! Let me up! All right. Sorry, George. +What about the porters? Porters? +Porters? Didn't you find out anything about the porters? +Didn't you find out anything about the porters? Why - I'm sorry - but I— +For heaven's sake, Bob, what's the matter with you? You went out there for the purpose of— George. George - do you mind? I'm sorry, but I can't talk about it tonight. +George - you're behaving like a child. You haven't opened your mouth in two weeks. I don't see that there's anything to say. +I said we're getting out of here. Back to civilization. I made a deal with the porters. They brought in a load of books or something, and they're leaving tomorrow at dawn. They're waiting for us five miles outside the valley. Come on, get your things together. Where's your top coat? You can't leave, George. +You can't leave, George. Why not? What's going to stop me? +Why not? What's going to stop me? You mustn't. You've got to stay here now. +You mustn't. You've got to stay here now. Stay here?! What's the matter with you, Bob? You've been acting strangely ever since we came here. I've never seen you like this. Why can't we leave? What's stopping us? +Something grand and beautiful, George. Something I've been searching for all my life. The answer to the confusion and bewilderment of a lifetime. I've found it, George, and I can't leave it. You mustn't either. I don't know what you're talking about. You're carrying around a secret that seems to be eating you up. If you'll only tell me about it. +I don't know what you're talking about. You're carrying around a secret that seems to be eating you up. If you'll only tell me about it. I will, George. I want to tell you. I'll burst with it if I don't. It's weird and fantastical and sometimes unbelievable, but so beautiful! Well, as you know, we were kidnapped and brought here . . . +Well, I - I really don't know what to say. Except that you must be completely mad. So you think I'm mad? +So you think I'm mad? What else can I think after a tale like that? Good heavens, Bob, things like that don't happen today. We're living in the twentieth century. +What else can I think after a tale like that? Good heavens, Bob, things like that don't happen today. We're living in the twentieth century. So you think it's all nonsense, huh? +So you think it's all nonsense, huh? I think you've been hypnotized by a lot of loose-brained fanatics. Why, I wouldn't believe it if I heard it in an English monastery. Why should I swallow it here in Tibet? How do you know the things they told you are true? Did they show you any proof? +I think you've been hypnotized by a lot of loose-brained fanatics. Why, I wouldn't believe it if I heard it in an English monastery. Why should I swallow it here in Tibet? How do you know the things they told you are true? Did they show you any proof? I don't need any proof. +I don't need any proof. I knew there was a reason I hated this place. I'd give half my life to fly over it with a load of bombs just for what they've done to you. How do you know the things they told you are true? Did they show you any proof? All this talk about the Lamas being hundreds of years old. How do you know? Did you see their birth certificates? I can't believe it, Bob. A bunch of decrepit old men sit around and dream about reforming the world. And you, Bob Conway - two-feet-on- the-ground Conway - want to join them. It's horrible. +I knew there was a reason I hated this place. I'd give half my life to fly over it with a load of bombs just for what they've done to you. How do you know the things they told you are true? Did they show you any proof? All this talk about the Lamas being hundreds of years old. How do you know? Did you see their birth certificates? I can't believe it, Bob. A bunch of decrepit old men sit around and dream about reforming the world. And you, Bob Conway - two-feet-on- the-ground Conway - want to join them. It's horrible. Is that all my story meant to you? +Is that all my story meant to you? What else could it mean to me? It's obviously a lot of bunk. +What else could it mean to me? It's obviously a lot of bunk. Then you'd better go, George. This is no place for you. +Then you'd better go, George. This is no place for you. It's no place for you, Bob. Think of what's waiting for you. Do you want to stay here until you're half dead? Until your mind starts corroding like the rest of them? +It's no place for you, Bob. Think of what's waiting for you. Do you want to stay here until you're half dead? Until your mind starts corroding like the rest of them? Please, George. I don't want to talk about it anymore. +Please, George. I don't want to talk about it anymore. You've got to talk about it. What about me? You said they stole that plane to bring you here. I didn't want to come. You owe me some responsibility. +You've got to talk about it. What about me? You said they stole that plane to bring you here. I didn't want to come. You owe me some responsibility. I'm tired of owing you things. You're free to go. Go ahead. +I'm tired of owing you things. You're free to go. Go ahead. It's that girl - that girl has twisted and turned— +It's that girl - that girl has twisted and turned— Enough! Never mind the girl! Well, why don't you go? +Look here, Bob, Ever since I can remember, you've looked after me. Now I think you're the one that needs looking after. I'm your brother, Bob. If there's something wrong with you, let me help you. Oh, George . . . +Oh, George . . . Besides, I - I don't feel like making that trip alone, Bob. +Besides, I - I don't feel like making that trip alone, Bob. George, you couldn't possibly stay here, could you? +George, you couldn't possibly stay here, could you? I'd go mad! +I'd go mad! George, I may be wrong, I may be a maniac. But I believe in this, and I'm not going to lose it. You know how much I want to help you, but this is bigger, stronger if you like than brotherly love. I'm sorry, George. I'm staying. +George, I may be wrong, I may be a maniac. But I believe in this, and I'm not going to lose it. You know how much I want to help you, but this is bigger, stronger if you like than brotherly love. I'm sorry, George. I'm staying. Well, I can't think of anything more to say. Goodbye, Bob. +George, are you sure of the porters? About their taking care of you, I mean? Oh yes. It's all set. Maria made the arrangements. +Oh yes. It's all set. Maria made the arrangements. Maria? +Maria? Yes, the little Russian girl. +Yes, the little Russian girl. What's she got to do with it? +What's she got to do with it? She's going with me. +You can't take her away from here! Why not? +Why not? Because you can't. Do you know what will happen to her if she leaves Shangri-La? She's a fragile thing that can only live where fragile things are loved. Take her out of this valley and she'll fade away like an echo. +Because you can't. Do you know what will happen to her if she leaves Shangri-La? She's a fragile thing that can only live where fragile things are loved. Take her out of this valley and she'll fade away like an echo. "What do you mean - ""fade away like an echo""?" +"What do you mean - ""fade away like an echo""?" She came here in 1888! +This would be funny - if it wasn't so pathetic. Why, she isn't a day over twenty! You're wrong, George. +You're wrong, George. I'm not wrong. She told me so. Besides, she wouldn't have to tell me. I'd know anyway. I found out a lot of things last night. I'm not ashamed of it either. It's probably one of the few decent things that's ever happened in this hellish place. +So everyone is serenely happy in Shangri-La? Nobody would ever think of leaving? It's all just so much rot! She's pleaded with me ever since I came here to take her away from this awful place. She's cried in my arms for hours, for fear I'd leave her behind. And what's more, she's made two trips to the plateau to bribe the porters - for me! I don't believe it! I don't believe a word of it! +I don't believe it! I don't believe a word of it! All right. I'll prove it to you! You believe everything they've told you - without proof! I'll prove my story! +She was kidnapped and brought here two years ago just as we were, Bob. I don't believe it! I can't believe it. She's lying. You're lying. You're lying! Every word you've been saying is a lie! Come on, say it! +You say the porters are waiting for us? Yes. +Yes. The clothes? +The clothes? Yes, everything! +Yes, everything! What about the others? +What about the others? I've already asked them. They're afraid to make the trip. We'll have to send an expedition back after them. +I've already asked them. They're afraid to make the trip. We'll have to send an expedition back after them. Come on! We're wasting time! +Lucky thing for me you snapped out of it, too. You saved my life. I never could have made it alone. What was that? +What was that? was saying— +was saying— Can't you shut up? Must you go on babbling like an idiot? +Bob, can't you get them to wait for us? They're leaving us farther behind every day. There's nothing that would suit them better than to lose us, but we must go on. Come on. +Target practice again! One of these days they're going to hit us. As long as they keep on aiming at us, we're safe. Come now, child. +Where did you come from? I'm Alexander P. Lovett, sir. +I'm Alexander P. Lovett, sir. Why aren't you registered through our office? +Where were you hiding? Hiding? Oh, no. Hunting - I was in the interior - hunting fossils. This morning I looked up suddenly— +Hiding? Oh, no. Hunting - I was in the interior - hunting fossils. This morning I looked up suddenly— I know - and a war broke out right over your head. +No. That's not possible! If we had landed, we all would have been awakened. Of course. We never left the air. I know - I didn't sleep the whole night long. +Of course. We never left the air. I know - I didn't sleep the whole night long. That fellow got on at Baskul. +That fellow got on at Baskul. What's he doing? Where's he taking us? He may be a maniac for all we know. +Good. What if he refuses? +What if he refuses? We'll smash his face in. That's what we'll do. +We'll smash his face in. That's what we'll do. Brilliant! Can anyone here fly a plane? +I guess we're in for it. In for what? +In for what? I don't know. He must have had some purpose in taking the plane away from Fenner. When he lands, we'll find out. +I don't know. He must have had some purpose in taking the plane away from Fenner. When he lands, we'll find out. You mean to tell me you're not going to do anything until we land? +You mean to tell me you're not going to do anything until we land? What do you suggest? +What do you suggest? Why, you - you— Look here - he may dash us to pieces! +Why, you - you— Look here - he may dash us to pieces! It might afford you a great deal of relief. Now gentlemen, I'm going back to sleep. Oh, and I was having such a peaceful dream. As soon as he lands, let me know. +Imagine having all that fuel there, waiting for us! George, something tells me our journey is just beginning. Where are we going? Huh? +Huh? I give it up. But this not knowing where you're going is exciting anyway. Well, Mr. Conway, for a man who is supposed to be a leader, your do- nothing attitude is very disappointing. +At the mercy of a mad pilot. We'd be eternally grateful if you— +Oh, please. I hope you're not going to run away this time. My name's Sondra. +My name's Sondra. hope you'll forgive me for— +You know, each time I see you, I hear that music. What is it? Oh, you mean my pigeons. +Was this your idea? Yes. Hold this pigeon. +Yes. Hold this pigeon. You suggested my being brought here, didn't you? What gave you the idea I'd fit in? +You suggested my being brought here, didn't you? What gave you the idea I'd fit in? That was easy. I read your books. +That was easy. I read your books. Oh, you've read my books. You do more things! What have my books got to do with it? +Oh, you've read my books. You do more things! What have my books got to do with it? I saw a man whose life was empty. +I saw a man whose life was empty. A man whose life was empty! +A man whose life was empty! Oh, I know. It was full of this and full of that. But you were accomplishing nothing. You were going nowhere, and you knew it. +As a matter of fact, all I saw was a little boy whistling in the dark. A little boy whistling in the dark!? Do you realize that there is a British cruiser waiting at Shanghai, smoke pouring out of its funnels, tugging at its moorings, waiting to take Mr. Conway back to London? Do you know that at this minute there are headlines shrieking all over the world the news that Conway is missing? Does that look like a man whose life is empty? +A little boy whistling in the dark!? Do you realize that there is a British cruiser waiting at Shanghai, smoke pouring out of its funnels, tugging at its moorings, waiting to take Mr. Conway back to London? Do you know that at this minute there are headlines shrieking all over the world the news that Conway is missing? Does that look like a man whose life is empty? Yes. +Yes. You're absolutely right. And I had to come all the way to a pigeon house in Shangri-La to find the only other person in the world who knew it. May I congratulate you? +I really only brought you here to show you my pigeons! Don't worry about the pigeons. From now on, you can put flutes on my tail and bells on my feet! +There are so many questions I'd like to ask you, I hardly know where to begin. I'll help you. To begin with, you'd like to know what I'm doing here. Whether I was born here. +I'll help you. To begin with, you'd like to know what I'm doing here. Whether I was born here. Thank you. +Thank you. Well, I was almost born here. It took place in that wild country beyond the pass. My father and mother were in a party of explorers who got lost and wandered around for a year. When Chang found us, only Father and I were alive. But he was too weak to climb the pass. He died on the way. I was brought up here by Father Perrault himself. +Well, I was almost born here. It took place in that wild country beyond the pass. My father and mother were in a party of explorers who got lost and wandered around for a year. When Chang found us, only Father and I were alive. But he was too weak to climb the pass. He died on the way. I was brought up here by Father Perrault himself. Father Perrault! I envy you. I talked to him last night. +Father Perrault! I envy you. I talked to him last night. Yes, I know. +Yes, I know. Father Perrault. Of course I can't quite get used to this age thing. +I'm thirty. Oh, you're going to make life very simple. +What is? All of it. Father Perrault and his magnificent history. This place, hidden away from the rest of the world, with its glorious concepts, and now you come along and confuse me entirely. +All of it. Father Perrault and his magnificent history. This place, hidden away from the rest of the world, with its glorious concepts, and now you come along and confuse me entirely. I'm sorry. I thought I was to be the light. But why do I confuse you? Am I so strange? +I'm sorry. I thought I was to be the light. But why do I confuse you? Am I so strange? On the contrary, you're not strange. And that in itself is confusing. I have the same idea about Shangri- La. The sense that I've been here before, that I belong here. +On the contrary, you're not strange. And that in itself is confusing. I have the same idea about Shangri- La. The sense that I've been here before, that I belong here. I'm so glad. +I'm so glad. I can't quite explain it, but everything is somehow familiar. The very air that I breathe. The Lamasery, with its feet rooted in the good earth of this fertile valley, while its head explores the eternal. All the beautiful things I see, these cherry blossoms, you - all somehow familiar. I've been kidnapped and brought here against my will. A crime, a great crime, yet I accept it amiably, with the same warm amiability one tolerates only from a very dear and close friend. Why? Can you tell me why? +I can't quite explain it, but everything is somehow familiar. The very air that I breathe. The Lamasery, with its feet rooted in the good earth of this fertile valley, while its head explores the eternal. All the beautiful things I see, these cherry blossoms, you - all somehow familiar. I've been kidnapped and brought here against my will. A crime, a great crime, yet I accept it amiably, with the same warm amiability one tolerates only from a very dear and close friend. Why? Can you tell me why? Perhaps because you've always been a part of Shangri-La without knowing it. +Perhaps because you've always been a part of Shangri-La without knowing it. I wonder. +I wonder. I'm sure of it. Just as I'm sure there's a wish for Shangri-La in everyone's heart. I have never seen the outside world. But I understand there are millions and millions of people who are supposed to be mean and greedy. Yet I just know that secretly they are all hoping to find a garden spot where there is peace and security, where there's beauty and comfort, where they wouldn't have to be mean and greedy. Oh, I just wish the whole world might come to this valley. +I'm sure of it. Just as I'm sure there's a wish for Shangri-La in everyone's heart. I have never seen the outside world. But I understand there are millions and millions of people who are supposed to be mean and greedy. Yet I just know that secretly they are all hoping to find a garden spot where there is peace and security, where there's beauty and comfort, where they wouldn't have to be mean and greedy. Oh, I just wish the whole world might come to this valley. Then it wouldn't be a garden spot for long. +Beautiful! I'm waiting for the bump. Bump? +Bump? When the plane lands at Shangri-La and wakes us all up. +Ouch! You see, it's not a dream. +You see, it's not a dream. You know, sometimes I think that it's the other that's the dream. The outside world. Have you never wanted to go there? +You know, sometimes I think that it's the other that's the dream. The outside world. Have you never wanted to go there? Goodness, no. From what you tell me about it, it certainly doesn't sound very attractive. +Goodness, no. From what you tell me about it, it certainly doesn't sound very attractive. It's not so bad, really. Some phases are a little sordid, of course. That's only to be expected. +It's not so bad, really. Some phases are a little sordid, of course. That's only to be expected. Why? +Why? Oh, the usual reasons. A world full of people struggling for existence. +Oh, the usual reasons. A world full of people struggling for existence. Struggling, why? +Struggling, why? Well, everybody naturally wants to make a place for himself, accumulate a nest egg, and so on. +Well, everybody naturally wants to make a place for himself, accumulate a nest egg, and so on. Why? +Why? You know, if you keep on asking that, we're not going to get anywhere. And don't ask me why. +You know, if you keep on asking that, we're not going to get anywhere. And don't ask me why. I was just going to. +I was just going to. It's the most annoying word in the English language. Did you ever hear a child torture his parent with it? Mother's little darling musn't stick her fingers in the salad bowl. Why? Because it isn't lady- like to do that. Why? Because that's what forks are made for, darling. +It's the most annoying word in the English language. Did you ever hear a child torture his parent with it? Mother's little darling musn't stick her fingers in the salad bowl. Why? Because it isn't lady- like to do that. Why? Because that's what forks are made for, darling. Why, mother? +Why, mother? Because mother read it in a book somewhere, and if mother's little darling doesn't take her fingers out of the salad bowl this instant, mother's going to wring her little neck. +Would you like to wring my little neck? I'd love it! +I'd love it! Why? +I've thought about it for years. I knew you'd come. And I knew if you did - you'd never leave. Am I forgiven for sending for you? Forgiven. You know, when we were on that plane, I was fascinated by the way its shadow followed it. That silly shadow racing along over mountains and valleys, covering ten times the distance of the plane. It was always there to greet us with outstretched arms when we landed. And I've been thinking that somehow you're that plane, and I'm that silly shadow. That all my life I've been rushing up and down hills, leaping rivers, crashing over obstacles, never dreaming that one day that beautiful thing in flight would land on this earth and into my arms. +It would serve you right if you were left behind. How could I know that a war was going to break out right over my head! Right over my head. Oh, my word! I tell you, those Chinese were pouncing on me from every direction. I had to get into these ridiculous clothes in order to escape. +Couldn't you arrange to make a little less noise? I tell you, we're going west, and Shanghai is east of here! +I tell you, we're going west, and Shanghai is east of here! Be quiet! Fenner's the best pilot in China. He knows what he's doing. +Be quiet! Fenner's the best pilot in China. He knows what he's doing. It's Fenner. +What do you want him to do? I don't know. I'm a paleontologist, not a Foreign Secretary. +What is it? Mountain grass. It's good, too. Here, have some. I've read of people lasting thirty days on this stuff. +Why, he's speaking English. English! +Now that dinner is over, if you'll excuse us, we're very anxious to discuss ways and means of getting back home. The first thing we want to do is to cable the Foreign Office. All of England is waiting to hear about my brother. There's a cruiser at Shanghai ready to take him back. +That's what I mean - mysterious. Mr. Conway, I don't like that man. He's too vague. We didn't get much information out of him, did we Bob? +How about you? Do you want to go? Go? Where? +Go? Where? Home. Away from here. I've got porters to take us back. +Home. Away from here. I've got porters to take us back. Oh, my dear boy, I'm sorry. That's impossible. Why, I have my classes all started. +Oh, my dear boy, I'm sorry. That's impossible. Why, I have my classes all started. I don't care what you've got started. Do you want to go? +I don't care what you've got started. Do you want to go? Well - no - I think I'd better wait. Yes, yes. I will. I'll wait. +Well - no - I think I'd better wait. Yes, yes. I will. I'll wait. You'll wait till you rot! +You'll wait till you rot! Yes. Barney! +EXCUSE ME– Please don't go. +You promised to come for tea yesterday. I waited for so long. I'm sorry. I haven't even got any cigarettes left! +I'm sorry. I haven't even got any cigarettes left! I'll make some for you! You will come today? +I'll make some for you! You will come today? Perhaps. +Perhaps. Please say you will. The days are so very long and lonely without you. Please . . . +Please say you will. The days are so very long and lonely without you. Please . . . All right, I'll be there. +All right, I'll be there. Thank you. +Thank you. You'll tell me some of the things I want to know, won't you? You'll tell me who runs this place. And why we were kidnapped. And what they're going to do with us! +The hell happened? Hesitated, sir. +Hesitated, sir. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about your choice of targets. +You shot an eight year old girl. Uh... yes. Apparently I did, air. +Uh... yes. Apparently I did, air. The hell were you thinking? +The hell were you thinking? Well, I dunno. I mean, when you looked at all the other options... it just seemed sorta obvious. +Well, I dunno. I mean, when you looked at all the other options... it just seemed sorta obvious. Obvious? Why don't you and I have a little talk about the obvious... outside. +Sir, before you boot me, I just want to explain. I mean, okay, you got a goat-guy with a hook for a head... Cowan-- +Cowan-- "Wait. Uh-- sir. Please. Anyway. Hook-head-guy. I'm thinking ""how can he think with a hook for a head?"" Answer: that's not his head. Then I think--" +"Wait. Uh-- sir. Please. Anyway. Hook-head-guy. I'm thinking ""how can he think with a hook for a head?"" Answer: that's not his head. Then I think--" Cowan-- +Cowan-- of course not, cause his head is that thing way on the other side of the road, cause, if you looked at it, the entire sidewalk full of stuff was actually ONE GUY and-- +of course not, cause his head is that thing way on the other side of the road, cause, if you looked at it, the entire sidewalk full of stuff was actually ONE GUY and-- Cowan-- will you shut your god damed mouth? +Yes. That's true. Actually, at this point, I just want A job. Wait. What do you mean... yet? It means I know you think you got a beat on things. But trust me, you don't. You don't even have an inkling of a hint of a clue as to what's really going on in the world. And if you want to find out even a little, you'll shut up and come with me. And if you don't, fine. Go with them. Cause I'm not interested in breaking in another little hot-shot only to have him wig or die on me just when I'm starting to count on him. So forgive me if you don't exactly hear me ringing little bells and whistling welcome aboard, but this isn't the Love Boat. And I'm not Captain Fucking Stubing. Now I'm sorry. But this has been one long, bad day. +So... this door. It's... not an exit... ? It's not even a fucking door. +...touch that. What the hell... +What the hell... Kids' game a couple galaxies over. +Kids' game a couple galaxies over. I guess I lost: +I guess I lost: You got smeared. +We have one motto: Peace on Earth. And Goodwill Toward Man? +And Goodwill Toward Man? No. just peace on Earth. +No. just peace on Earth. I gotta be honest about something. +Once I thought the biggest thing I'll ever do was guard the president. Oh, you'll still, be guarding him. +It's easy. You work your way up the secret service, one day stand with the President, meet the most important people on the planet, fulfill your dreams, live happily ever after. And if I say yes? +And if I say yes? Lose your name and identity, work endless hours an behalf people who don't know you exist, and abandon any hope that you might one day feel even the slightest bit sure of your place in the universe. +... think that maybe my supervisors referred me here because of certain issues which I assure you I have spent a good deal of time working very hard to correct-- Your supervisors have no idea why you're here. +Your supervisors have no idea why you're here. They don't? +They don't? They don't. Now, son. If you get the job, you're going to be working with some very particular people who like to do things in some very particular ways. Here's a little piece of advice: Don't use this so much. +What's so funny, cadet Cowan? "I... I don't know, air. This guy. Mr. ""Best of the best of the best... "" I don't know. It's just still find it a little... humorous. I'm sorry. Sir." +"Well... you know, when you say ""normal,"" what, exactly..." For instance... It says here you lost your parents at 15, and, since then... +For instance... It says here you lost your parents at 15, and, since then... Sir. I thought those records were sealed. +Sir. I thought those records were sealed. We're the government, Cowan. +You think we're nuts. No-- it makes sense. Cause I gotta tell ya, when I was in third grade they told me I was crazy cause I swore that our teacher was from, like, Venus or something. +No-- it makes sense. Cause I gotta tell ya, when I was in third grade they told me I was crazy cause I swore that our teacher was from, like, Venus or something. Mrs. Edelson? +Only the damn guy won't know it. What happens if I say no? +"From now on, you'll respond only to the name ""Jay."" You'll dress in appropriate attire specially sanctioned by the INS Special Services. You're not to stand out in any way. Understand?" Yes, sir. +Everybody, listen up: we've had a tremendous amount of movement lately. Be aware. Be safe. Have a good day. Oh, uh... Cowan? Yes, air? -- OOOMPH. +Hell of an assistant, isn't he? Damn guy moves so fast, he actually gets there before you even ask for him. Sorta literally gets ahead of himself. +Sorta literally gets ahead of himself. Hang on. -- And this is the good part; when you're fully ordained, he'll come when you call him, too. Dave. +So... wait. You just asked... but he goes so fast, he actually brought what you asked for before you asked for it. His physics are a little different than ours. Don't worry +His physics are a little different than ours. Don't worry It'll make sense later? +It'll make sense later? No. But You'll get used to it. Welcome to the Men in Black. +Sorry, Cowan, I found out literally just before the ceremony.' Apparently you're to report for further review. Further... what are you talking about, air? That makes no sense-- I hold three cadet class records-- +Further... what are you talking about, air? That makes no sense-- I hold three cadet class records-- Actually, it didn't come from me. +Bull... loney- Sir. I'm sorry. Sir, I'm sorry. Sir. I just, I find it hard to believe that it didn't come from you. I mean, everything here comes from you. Well this didn't. +Well this didn't. Then where did it-- ? Sir. Forgive me, but it makes no sense. worked my ass off to grad-- +Look. I don't know why. I could guess, however. Maybe it's your attitude. Or that you're not even close to a team player. Or that you always seen to think you know more than your supervisors. Actually, sir-- +Actually, sir-- Cowan. Do you ever think that maybe, just maybe, other people might be right and you might be wrong? +Cowan. Do you ever think that maybe, just maybe, other people might be right and you might be wrong? All the time, sir. +All the time, sir. You do? +You do? Yes, air. But I'm usually wrong. Sir. +Which do you have your money on, Dee? I'd go with number three. +I'd go with number three. Three, huh? Really? Cause a cup of coffee says we're talking about... number... four? Huh? No? +Mikey. Hold it, Mikey-- I want you to talk to me. Mikey. I'm telling you.. don't make me... Mikey Gimme the 140. Oh. Shit. it's in the car-- +Oh. Shit. it's in the car-- What? I thought you just-- +Little more burn on the perimeter-they weren't roasting smores here. Dig out this hole a little. Cmon, I know it's late, but the sooner we get it right, the sooner we'll all be home. Kay, I'm sorry... +Kay, I'm sorry... Don't worry about it. Four-Eyes'll run a track on him. We'll get that son of a... whatever the hell he's the son of. +Kay, listen, I dunno what got into-- Don't worry about it. It's been a long night. Speaking of which-- you owe me a cup of coffee, remember? +I wasn't scared... Oh yeah? The hell you weren't. Little pither just out of school... +Grab the coffee, will ya? I told Zed I'd give him a buzz. Listen-- do me a favor-- don't mention the 140 thing-- +Listen-- do me a favor-- don't mention the 140 thing-- Don't worry about it. +Helluva night, isn't it? Yup. Sure is. +'Hell, I may as well do something useful. Dee, you've been useful for 50 years. We're clueless, you're tired. Why don't you go home and get some rest. +Dee, you've been useful for 50 years. We're clueless, you're tired. Why don't you go home and get some rest. Home? You gotta be kidding me. Black? +Dee. God damn it. I told you to go home. Kay... +We'll take it from here. What? Who the hell are you? +What? Who the hell are you? INS, Washington. Special services. +Vayanse. You others, go on. Sir-- +Sir-- Pasen al-furgon v larguense de aqui! Take the van and go. +Pasen al-furgon v larguense de aqui! Take the van and go. Sir, you can't just-- +Sir, you can't just-- "DON'T ""SIR"" ME-- YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH." +This is a neurelyser. it was a gift from some friends from out of town. I need you to look at it. This red eye here isolates and measures the nature of the electronic impulses currently in your brain. More specifically, the ones -for memory, which it will then block. I said I need you to look right here. Why? What are you gonna do? +Why? What are you gonna do? Actually that's a very good question. The answer-- if You'll Just look at this Part-- is here. +Underground gas vein. Next time, be more careful when you shoot off your guns. What? +What? You heard me. You two, especially. +Well, how about if I guess, then? Black: Vast space. Deep. Spiritual. The essence of infinity. We wear black. +We wear black. Oh. Right. I guess that's kind of cool, too, in it's own way. Course, this isn't really black; it's kind of a dull, dirty, tarry sort of noncolor, isn't it? +The point is to not call attention to ourselves. I understand. Hey, it works for the Hasids, right? No one recognizes them. +It's a bug. Right. +Right. But not a BUG bug-- it's an insect. +So... lemme get this straight. We got the use of all sorts of technology from all sorts of other planets. We got information no one else in the world is privy to. And we're in a 1986 Ford LTD about to go look at an insect? So what's the problem? +So what's the problem? Well, first of all... I gotta think we could still blend in pretty nice in a Ferrari Testerrosa. I mean, there is a lot of `em on the street these days, and... uh... +I tell you, if we really wanted to bland in, that'd what we'd be wearing. I think it'd be a good look for you, too. I'll even help you choose a tattoo. It's the way we do it. The way we've always done it. +It's the way we do it. The way we've always done it. I know, but we're on a college campus... +I know, but we're on a college campus... This is a college? I'm sorry, I thought it was a carnival. +I think she's the alien. In any case, she's clearly spent my too much time alone in this room. Keep her out of here while I check it out. +Keep her out of here while I check it out. I'm, uh... real curious about your met up here. I see you have the, uh, double-office-type thing going here.. +I'm just saying it was cold. I think she kind of liked me. She didn't even know you. . +She didn't even know you. . I know, that's usually the only time I actually have a shot. And what if I wanted to see her again? I'd have to completely re-introduce myself. +I know, that's usually the only time I actually have a shot. And what if I wanted to see her again? I'd have to completely re-introduce myself. Such a shame, too. Cause you made such a good impression the first time. +Such a shame, too. Cause you made such a good impression the first time. Hey, I was workin' her. I was workin' my thing. +Hey, I was workin' her. I was workin' my thing. "Just so I understand... you're ""thing"" is... acting like an idiot? Or is it actually being an idiot? Besides--" +"Just so I understand... you're ""thing"" is... acting like an idiot? Or is it actually being an idiot? Besides--" I know, I know. I read the manual. No attachments. We work alone. Blah. blah. +I know, I know. I read the manual. No attachments. We work alone. Blah. blah. If you don't have anyone to tell, you won't tell anyone. Believe me, you get used to it. +If you don't have anyone to tell, you won't tell anyone. Believe me, you get used to it. I think you're too used to it. If you ask me, you've been doing this job too long. +I think you're too used to it. If you ask me, you've been doing this job too long. You don't know the half of it. +You don't know the half of it. What'd you do before this, anyway? Wait-- let me guess. Ice sculpture? Rock? +What'd you do before this, anyway? Wait-- let me guess. Ice sculpture? Rock? I taught kindergarten. +I taught kindergarten. Ha ha. No, really. +Ha ha. No, really. It was a long time ago.- +Well, one thing's for sure. You could certainly lighten up. Why? +Why? Why? Well, it wouldn't hurt you to have a little more fun. I know I don't know you all that well, but-- +Why? Well, it wouldn't hurt you to have a little more fun. I know I don't know you all that well, but-- You don't know me at all. +You don't know me at all. Um-- Kay? +Kay, um... how, uh, fast does this thing actually go ... ? Let's see... that was second gear..Kay shifts into THIRD. Jay winces. +What? Something seem unusual to you about that? +Something seem unusual to you about that? Uh... you mean... a family of sixeyed, red-faced space creatures travelling to New Mexico to have dinner with their cousins, the invertebrates? Seemed pretty god damned ordinary to me. +Uh... you mean... a family of sixeyed, red-faced space creatures travelling to New Mexico to have dinner with their cousins, the invertebrates? Seemed pretty god damned ordinary to me. If it was just a meal, why did they have so much luggage? +If it was just a meal, why did they have so much luggage? I dunno. Maybe it was baby supplies, Kay starts the car, starts to pull a U-turn. +I dunno. Maybe it was baby supplies, Kay starts the car, starts to pull a U-turn. Let's check am out. +what's this? It's an Edna named after Zed's ex wife. All you do is at the target. The scope matches the image with the image on your retina. The barrel will find the target on its own. +Well, Mr. Intuition... When the neighbors report screaming and we hear nothing but silence, what does that lead you to believe? I guess it's simple, huh? They're either gone... or dead. +I guess it's simple, huh? They're either gone... or dead. Or someone has a nitrogenizer. +Or someone has a nitrogenizer. A what? +Now what? History's proven that where there's a nitrogenizer, there's a 12-legged signazoid. They use it to make our food digestible for their systems. +A signazoid's eleven thousand pounds. I think we'd know if held left. Then wouldn't we also know if he's here? +Then wouldn't we also know if he's here? Hold it. +He's a slimy little slithering scumwad is what he is. There's gotta be a hundred pawn shops in downtown Philadelphia. I take it there's a reason we're going to this one. +There's gotta be a hundred pawn shops in downtown Philadelphia. I take it there's a reason we're going to this one. There's a god damn good reason. +Something's wrong here. Gee. You really think? +Gee. You really think? Jeebs is eager to have me deport him. But would rather kill himself than go downtown. Why? +Jeebs is eager to have me deport him. But would rather kill himself than go downtown. Why? I dunno. Why did that family need all their luggage for a dinner?. +I dunno. Why did that family need all their luggage for a dinner?. Why did Mikey leave Nazca? +Why did Mikey leave Nazca? And what's this ... ? +And what's this ... ? What? +Looks like a train ticket. Where to? +What's going on, Kay? I don't want to rattle you, but Dee was here for the War of the Worlds. +I don't want to rattle you, but Dee was here for the War of the Worlds. The radio show? +The radio show? No. The aliens organized, all of them, and tried a coup. They made it seem like a radio show afterwards. +No. The aliens organized, all of them, and tried a coup. They made it seem like a radio show afterwards. You think that's what's-happening? +You think that's what's-happening? I think that's what's happening... +Ernie Goose? Cynthia? That's the Loch Ness Monster. And... Kay-- that's... 444-Eyes? +Jesus... Get back in the car! +Jesus Christ... We're rising. +Where's it coming? Where's he landing? The Pentagon. +"""Perhaps we shoulld take a lesson from our dinosaurs...""" I dunno, man. Maybe we should. +Oh, yeah? Fill us in, why don't you. What if he's telling the truth? +What if he's telling the truth? You know something? I actually never think of that. I gotta get some coffee. +Kay-- Hang on. There's gotta be something on this guy. Did you contact the Alliance? Do they have anything? +He's here to help!? Yes. Well, in his own mind, yeah. What if, from his point of view, he is? +Yes. Well, in his own mind, yeah. What if, from his point of view, he is? How does that help me? +How does that help me? Well... if you think about it, then it would mean that maybe everything he's saying is true. +Great. Fine. Listen, why don't we call the pentagon, maybe they'll take you back with the new age well wishers. I'll stay here and go extinct with the dinosaurs. Kay. All I'm saying-- +Kay. All I'm saying-- I know what you're saying. And I'm telling you I don't trust him-- +I know what you're saying. And I'm telling you I don't trust him-- I know you don't trust him. You don't trust anybody-- +I know you don't trust him. You don't trust anybody-- Cause I've been doing this thirty years and if I don't know when something doesn't feel right by now-- +Cause I've been doing this thirty years and if I don't know when something doesn't feel right by now-- That's my point. For thirty years you've been looking through things and under things and behind things. Well what I'm saying is maybe this is a time where you should look right at things. He said our enemy in already here. Well maybe it is. Maybe our enemy is, literally, already here. +What are you doing? Everything left the planet, right? Except one thing. That little insect-- the one we found in Sudbury. Did it leave when everything else left? +Since how long? Since as long as we've been keeping records... +Maybe they didn't get here. Maybe they've been here. For how long? +We saw it in the office. It went from this big... to big... in a day. Well, if the bugs have hatched, and they're not here... then where are they? +It's marble. All of it? +Would you call this a code 100? I'd double it and add 20. +I'm going to try and cut him off at the hotel. You guys get to the Memorial. Keep this stuff hidden. The last thing we need is some over-zealous Secret Service twirp to... Do his job. +Do his job. Right. Oh, and here. +Wow... this one's cool. And it looks just like a shotgun. Actually, it is a shotgun. Hold onto it-- +Actually, it is a shotgun. Hold onto it-- in case I need it? +in case I need it? In case I need it. +Do IT! SHOOT HIM! Kay!? +You were saying? Getting eaten!? That was your plan!? +After I got the shit beat out of me! And I almost got digested. It goes with the job. +And I almost got digested. It goes with the job. You coulda told me what you were doing. +You coulda told me what you were doing. There wasn't time, sport! +Who's she gonna tell, anyway? She only hangs out with dead people. Not her. Me. They're beautiful, aren't they? The stars. I never just look anymore and they're beautiful. +Not her. Me. They're beautiful, aren't they? The stars. I never just look anymore and they're beautiful. Kay, you're scaring your partner. +Kay, you're scaring your partner. I haven't been training a partner -- I've been training a replacement. +I haven't been training a partner -- I've been training a replacement. Oh no, I can't do this job by myself. +I'm just wondering what's so great out there that everyone's trying to get to it? Or what's no horrible down here that everyone's trying to avoid It? +Or what's no horrible down here that everyone's trying to avoid It? Why does it feel like the only thing scarier than having a bunch of aliens on the planet... is having then leave the planet? +Yeah. His dream and our worst nightmare. You know, there's something we never really thought of... +Sure. Me, too. I feel a long day coming on. +I put word out-- you know how long it takes to get the signals across. Kay. Seriously. What if he actually means what he says? +So, I guess you could say you're really into insects... Actually, they disgust me. But that's what I love about them. Like a car wrack, you know, how you shouldn't look, but you always pull over and watch real close, or even pretend you're a reporter so you can get even closer and take pictures? +Or when someone has a hideous birthmark and all you do is stare. I really like that. Let the other girls have the guys like you. Chiseled jaw, perfect nose, quirky dimples. I find you all so boring. I'd prefer if you were just a little more blunt. +So... how'd you hear about this? Oh, yeah, well, you know. I'm a big fan. I've read all your work. +Oh, yeah, well, you know. I'm a big fan. I've read all your work. Yeah, right. Even I can barely read all my work. +Right, right-- I like that stuff. With exclusionary frecto-inhibitors? +With exclusionary frecto-inhibitors? Exactly. I very much enjoy that. +Exactly. I very much enjoy that. Do have any idea what I just said? +Once-- just once-- I thought I'd made the discovery of a lifetime... Actually, you may have. +It's hard to find. It's an old civil war cemetery. Nobody ever goes there. So... what is it you say you do? I guess you could say we're entopologists of a sort. +I guess you could say we're entopologists of a sort. I don't think so. I mean, him, he could be a scientist, maybe. But you... Exterminator, I'd understand. But entopolgist? No way. +I don't think so. I mean, him, he could be a scientist, maybe. But you... Exterminator, I'd understand. But entopolgist? No way. Why not? +Why not? Well, first of all, it's entomologist. +I swear to God, that was not here two days ago... What is it? +What is it? It's the most amazing insect nest I've ever seen. And I'll tell you one thing, it sure as hell ain't the Andean Mollatoosa. +It's the most amazing insect nest I've ever seen. And I'll tell you one thing, it sure as hell ain't the Andean Mollatoosa. But it's definitely a nest, isn't it? +But it's definitely a nest, isn't it? Man, hey-- maybe you are an entopologist after all. +When? It would've had to have been recently-- within a few weeks. +It would've had to have been recently-- within a few weeks. So... how did they get here? +What do we do? What do we do? Lean into it. +What do we do? Lean into it. What the hell does that mean? +What the hell does that mean? Actually... I don't know. +Is it my eyes... or is that thing a little... Out of focus? +Okay. If you've got a bug problem-a big one. And they're swarming and there's no way to shoot them all individually... how do you get rid of them? The only thing I could think of would be... you'd have to get rid of the queen. +The only thing I could think of would be... you'd have to get rid of the queen. What if you have the foggiest clue as to where the queen is? +What if you have the foggiest clue as to where the queen is? Are you sure you don't? +What are you doing? They respond to fear, right? +They respond to fear, right? Yeah ... ? +Yeah ... ? Well I'm going to give them something to be afraid of. +What a coincidence, cause I was just thinking about you, too, Jack. Recognize this? No. +No. Maybe you need a closer look. +The kid looked desperate. I figured... You figured what? +You figured what? I figured it didn't matter. It's my last day of business. I was wrong. I'm sorry. Hey, look what I got for you-- a free-floating plasma pad? --One of the good ones, too, with zoids. +Your licence is revoked. Permanently. I understand. I understand, thank you. --How about a transmographic dexahydrochlorophallomixaloosalyser? +And I'm arranging deportation papers. Yes. Yes, that's eminently fair of you. +Yes. Yes, that's eminently fair of you. And I'm bringing you in and locking you up until you tell me-- +Let's go, Jeebs. Downtown. You're not taking me in! +Pardon me. I hate to break up this lovely little group hug, but we people aren't ready for what we have. How is this going to help? How could it not? +How could it not? Why don't you ask the Mosebacke? Brazil. Until 44 years ago they ate with their hands, lived in huts, and didn't even know the rest of the world existed. 44 years ago a well intentioned missionary gave them a fork. Today, they don't exist. +Why don't you ask the Mosebacke? Brazil. Until 44 years ago they ate with their hands, lived in huts, and didn't even know the rest of the world existed. 44 years ago a well intentioned missionary gave them a fork. Today, they don't exist. Come on now. People are smart. +Come on now. People are smart. No-- a Person is smart. People are dumb. And the more people you put together, the dumber they get. And you know that. +Not bad. Briliiant, actually. You come unarmed, and alone. Cause your army's been growing underground for what? 100 years? 150? Give or take. It was right around your civil war, I think, when I was here last. We were waiting till your planet was warm enough. +Goodwill... Most entirely. Earth has been overrun with an infestation of a species which, in order for the planet to survive, must be exterminated. +Nowhere. Nowhere, huh? odd you'd get all dressed up like that just to be going nowhere. +Er. well, nowhere special. I don't believe you, Mikey. And you know why I don't believe you? Cause last time you said that you and your pals left eight dozen empty beer cans on the other side of the moon. +I don't believe you, Mikey. And you know why I don't believe you? Cause last time you said that you and your pals left eight dozen empty beer cans on the other side of the moon. Yeah, wall, you know, I was just going there... to pick then up. +Oh yeah? Well if you're suddenly such a good samaritan, why didn't you file a departure report, like you're supposed to? You know how many rules you've just broken? I dunno. One? +I dunno. One? Try seven. From unauthorized mobilization to appearing unconcealed before a resident. You wanna tell me what's going on? Huh? +Try seven. From unauthorized mobilization to appearing unconcealed before a resident. You wanna tell me what's going on? Huh? It's... coming. +It's... coming. What are you talking about, it's coming? What's coming? +So... now what? Cattle call again? "We've got about eight or nine prospects I want you look--" +"We've got about eight or nine prospects I want you look--" Yeah, I'll talk to you. +... recent landings within a hundred mile radius of Sudbury, Virginia? Nothing. +Nothing. Nothing at all? Now? Last month? Anything in the last few years? +Nothing at all? Now? Last month? Anything in the last few years? Nope. Nothing at all. +I know what this is. Zed, you in? Yeah, Kay? +Yeah, Kay? Did our friend announce when he's making his speech? +Did our friend announce when he's making his speech? Noon exactly. +Noon exactly. Did he say where? +Did he say where? Actually, yeah-- +Actually, yeah-- Wouldn't happen to be the Lincoln Memorial, would it? +Wouldn't happen to be the Lincoln Memorial, would it? How'd you know that? Kay? +How'd you know that? Kay? Cause I think we're looking at it. +Listen to me. You're holding something very very dangerous. You've just iced 350 of your pals-- They're not my pals-- +They're not my pals-- They're not even gonna be your enemie-a if you don't give that to me really soon. +They're not even gonna be your enemie-a if you don't give that to me really soon. What if I don't? +What if I don't? In about 10 seconds they're gonna start losing brain cells at the rate of about a million a minute. +In about 10 seconds they're gonna start losing brain cells at the rate of about a million a minute. Will it lower the curve? +Will it lower the curve? I don't think it's a tradeoff you really want to make. Now give it to me-- I can reverse the effects if you give it to me now. +I don't think it's a tradeoff you really want to make. Now give it to me-- I can reverse the effects if you give it to me now. I wanna make a deal. +Found it. Tell us the truth. You don't just find these things, at least not in this neighborhood. +Tell us the truth. You don't just find these things, at least not in this neighborhood. I promised I wouldn't tell. +I just wanted to scare em. So I go in to buy a starter's pistol-- you know, the kind they use at track meets that shoot blanks-- and this guy, he said if I really wanted to mess with with them, he had just the thing... This guy. Where was he? +We're from Scientific American. We read about your discovery. We'd like to take a look. Scientific American? Really? +This it? Yeah. Nov I know it looks normal, but watch this. +I mean, I dunno. I've seen insects with really great camoflauge ability. But never like this. May I have a look? +We're with the immigration and Naturalization Service, Intergalactic Bureau. We monitor all-alien activity in and around Earth and its enveloping atmosphere. Come again? +Hmnn... wall, it's funny, cause usually I'm not all that attracted to stupid guys, but-- But, unfortunately, you're even less attracted to guys you've never seen before. +We need to talk to you about the alien. The what? +Which way? Seriously. I'm not going any further until you tell who you are. +Really nice wheels, by the way. Wait-- listen-- +How's Dee? Fine. Good. +Jupiter, actually. well, one of the moons. So whattya say, kid? You in or out? +Kay? What's your 20? Highway 119, just west of Smith. Why? +Highway 119, just west of Smith. Why? I need you in Philadelphia. I got a code 90, in a-high school. +I need you in Philadelphia. I got a code 90, in a-high school. What the hell is going on? +He's gone, too. What about the other agents? Ella? Tee? +What about the other agents? Ella? Tee? Elle's up in Portland-- three of her charges left visibly at a Trailblazers game. Shots got a lot to mop up. Tee says his Shanghai quadrasectionals haven't been around since morning. +Even that little bug you found in Sudbury seems to have taken off. Jesus, everyone's moving. Could be an assembly. Does it look aggressive? +Jesus, everyone's moving. Could be an assembly. Does it look aggressive? Hard to tell. I hope not. +Hard to tell. I hope not. Keep an eye on things there. We'll see what we can find out at Ernie Goosels. +They're gone. Dee? What are you doing here? +I'm getting a trajectory... What do we have? Are we showing anything? +And they're buying it? They went right to the President. +They went right to the President. They went to the President? Directly? THEY WENT OVER OUR HEADS? +As far as I can tell, the guy's what he says he is - alone, and unarmed. All he wants is five minutes to introduce himself to the public. Where's he making his big speech? +Where's he making his big speech? They haven't announced it yet. All I know is we're in motion for the most watched media event in history. +Well, it wasn't in the jar... Did it leave? +Did it leave? Actually, I don't know... +Actually, I don't know... Oh shit! +Yeah? What's up? I got a planet check on that bug. It's from way the hell out in the third belt. it's organic, formed in the same blast that made our solar system. +And get this: you know how humans evolved from primates? Well guess what the dominant life form on planet evolved from? Don't tell me. Insects. +How'd you know? Just a guess. But I think found a nest. +Now, what are we looking at? Keys. Look at them all. Why do we have them? Mr. President? Well, uh... so we can got into things, I guess. +Well, uh... so we can got into things, I guess. That's why you have doors, Mr. President. Keys, however, are to lock the doors. And locks, as you know, are to keep people out. Why? Fear. You humans are afraid. So you set up boundaries. Borders. Your car. Your home. Your country. All the while your true enemy could very well be considered already here among you. Well I am here to let that enemy go. Because there's a border you didn't even know existed. It's the border to the Universe. And unlike your other borders, you humans didn't set this border up to keep other planets from you. It was set up by others, to keep you away from them. Until now. Because I have been sent here to open the door. To present you, so to speak, with the key to the universe. +Why, you might ask? Because you're ready. Because you've finally gone as far as you can go without it. If I may, sir... what exactly are you offering? +If I may, sir... what exactly are you offering? A good question. And a simple answer. No more hunger. No more smog. No more overpopulation. No more war. +A good question. And a simple answer. No more hunger. No more smog. No more overpopulation. No more war. And I assume you're bringing this to us because we're the most powerful country on the planet... +And I assume you're bringing this to us because we're the most powerful country on the planet... That and, well... I want my friends to see me on CNN. Okay, I will admit it: ours is an illegal hookup. We'll gladly pay when you can get your trucks out to install it. +Wally! Can you see? +I'm sorry, but I need your help. You contain information. I need to know how to get it. Can you just tell me who Leo Crow is? Can you tell me if -- Is it now? +Is it now? What? +What? Is it now? +What? They're inside. +They're inside. Who? +Take it. Agatha... +Agatha -- Can you see the balloon man? +Can you see the balloon man? What? +Drop some money. Forget that guy -- +Forget that guy -- Do it. Right here. On the ground. +No. Follow him. He'll turn around. +He'll turn around. He won't. +Agatha... Wait. +He's here. Anderton, leave. +I can't. I have to know. Please -- +Please -- I have to find out what happened to my life. Agatha. I'm not going to kill the man. I don't even know him. +Oh, God... What is it? +Every day for the last six years I've thought about only two things. The first was what my son would look like if he were alive today. If I would even recognize him if I saw him on the street. The second was what I would do to the man who took him. Anderton -- +Anderton -- You were right. I'm not being set up. +Please, I want to go back... I can't leave. You said so yourself, there is no Minority Report. I don't have an alternative future. +I can't leave. You said so yourself, there is no Minority Report. I don't have an alternative future. But you still have a choice. The others never had a chance to see their future. You did. +Where are we going? Someplace safe. +Someplace safe. I have to go back. +I have to go back. Why? +Why? The other two will die without me. +The other two will die without me. You want to spend the rest of your life in the temple? +I always wondered what the world would be like. But now that I've seen it, I don't need to see any more. It's all right. Once I'm in the tank, I won't remember any of this. Agatha, you're never going back there. +Agatha, you're never going back there. I am going back. I see myself there. +Can't you see? She just wanted her little girl back. Who wanted her little girl back? +Who wanted her little girl back? The drowning woman. Anne... But it was too late. Her little girl was already gone. +The drowning woman. Anne... But it was too late. Her little girl was already gone. She died? +She died? She grew up. +She grew up. She's still alive? +She's not alive, but she didn't die. Oh, Jesus... +I'm sorry, John, but you have to run again. What -- +What -- RUN! +-- but he didn't. Then who was he? +Then who was he? Just some guy... they found. +Just some guy... they found. Found? Where? +Found? Where? Somewhere. +Think, John. Why would they set you up? Because I found out about her... +Because I found out about her... About who? +About who? Anne Lively... +I'm so sorry... I just want him back... I want him back so bad... I know... I do, too... +John? What is it? How did I not see this? Agatha, who killed you mother? Who killed Anne Lively? +Don't worry. I could cut open your chest, sew a dead cat in there and you'd never get an infection. Not with the spectrum of antibios I'll be shooting into you. That's comforting. +That's comforting. You do understand I can't just give you new irises. The scanners will read the scar tissue. Alarms will go off. Large men with guns will appear... +You do understand I can't just give you new irises. The scanners will read the scar tissue. Alarms will go off. Large men with guns will appear... Right. I know -- +Anesthesia. Try to relax, John. I'm saying I'll have to remove your eyes. Completely. Yeah -- +Yeah -- And replace them with new ones. +And replace them with new ones. I know that, but I wanna keep the old ones. +I know that, but I wanna keep the old ones. Why? +Why? Because my mother gave them to me. What do you care? They're no good to you on the secondary market anyway. +Because my mother gave them to me. What do you care? They're no good to you on the secondary market anyway. Whatever you say, John. +That's not much. It's all I could safely move. +It's all I could safely move. Tell you what, since you and I go way back, I'll give you my Old Pal discount. How's that sound? +You don't remember me, do you? We know each other? +We know each other? Oh, yes. +From where? D.C.? Baltimore. Eastside. Solomon P. Eddie M.D. I was a plastic surgeon. +I put you away -- Yes, you did. +Yes, you did. You made those tapes... +You made those tapes... They were performance pieces. +They were performance pieces. You set your patients on fire! +You set your patients on fire! And put them out. Some not as quickly as others, but let's change the subject, shall we? The future is much more interesting than the past. Don't you think? +So uh, if you were a plastic surgeon before... How can I do what I do now? Let's just say I spent a lot of time in the prison library. +There's food in the refrigerator. Make sure you drink a lot of water. How do I find the -- +How do I find the -- Here -- +It goes from the bathroom to the kitchen. I can't even stand up -- +I can't even stand up -- I know you're in a hurry, so I juiced up the nano-reconstruction around your new eyes. +I know you're in a hurry, so I juiced up the nano-reconstruction around your new eyes. The nano... what? +The nano... what? Organic microbots that reconstruct the nerves and blood vessels. It'll feel like fleas chewing on your eyeballs. But whatever you do, don't scratch. +I'm setting up a timer. When it goes off tomorrow, take off your bandages and get the hell out of here. But not before then, or you'll -- -- go blind. I know. +You the sentry? Yes, sir. I'm Gideon. The music relaxes the prisoners. +I don't ever see any of you precops down here, I'm not in trouble am I? No, you're not in trouble. I'm interested in a murder. +No, you're not in trouble. I'm interested in a murder. Kill type? +Kill type? Drowning. +Victim's a white female. This about the Justice Department? They laid on a tour for tomorrow a.m. Told me to wear a tie. You like this one? +That's an old one. One of our first. This is the official composite of the three precogs? +This is the official composite of the three precogs? That's right. It's a combined data stream based on all three previsions. +That's right. It's a combined data stream based on all three previsions. Show me just Agatha's data stream. +Show me just Agatha's data stream. For that, we have to go for a ride. +You the only sentry? I work graveyard, swing and day all by my lonesome. +Hence the expression... ... Graveyard shift. +... Graveyard shift. "Not to mention, ""Saved by the bell""." +Why's he still a John Doe? Why wasn't he ever ID's from an EYEscan? On account of those are not his eyes. He had 'em swapped out to fool the scanners. +Huh, we don't seem to have her data. Try again. +Try again. No... we have the two previsions from the twins right here, but... ... I can't pull up any data from the female. Probably just a glitch. +"Hey, you wanna know where the word came from, ""glitch?""" Just tell me about the intended victim. This Anne Lively... +Looks like she was a neuroin addict like John Doe here, but I show an address history that includes the Beaton Clinic. So she cleaned up. Where is she now? +You're part of my flock now, John. Welcome. Lara -- +Lara -- It's actually kind of a rush. They say you get visions; that your life flashes before your eyes. That all your dreams come true. +Tell me not to worry, John. Don't worry, Lamar. +Don't worry, Lamar. The nation votes this week... +Which makes this the worst possible time to show that we're only human. Uh-huh... +Uh-huh... Has the observer from Justice shown up yet? +Has the observer from Justice shown up yet? Hang on, Lamar -- +And this is exactly the kind of behavior that will give them an excuse to do it. Lamar, I'm sorry. I don't know what -- +Lamar, I'm sorry. I don't know what -- Don't apologize, John. +You understand that a week from now people are going to vote on whether or not what we've been doing down here has been some noble-minded enterprise or a chance to change the way this country fights crime. I understand. Sir. +I need you to do two things for me. One, watch Danny Witwer. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. You can let him look around, answer his questions, but watch him. If there's any problems, make sure we know about it first. +You can let him look around, answer his questions, but watch him. If there's any problems, make sure we know about it first. I understand. What's the other thing? +I understand. What's the other thing? Tuck in your shirt. +And you say the third prevision was, what, a little fuzzy or something? I'm saying the third prevision wasn't there. And that's not all. I spent a few hours down there and it turns out there's a dozen more cases with missing previsions. +Danny Witwer is scheduled for a tour of Containment tomorrow -- So give him a tour. He doesn't know enough to ask the right questions. +So give him a tour. He doesn't know enough to ask the right questions. If he's looking for a flaw in the system -- +If he's looking for a flaw in the system -- He's not. He's looking for a flaw in us, John. +Lara called me. What? +What? She's worried about you. And, quite frankly, so am I. +She's worried about you. And, quite frankly, so am I. I'm fine. +I'm fine. I hear you've been spending a lot of time in the sprawl. +I hear you've been spending a lot of time in the sprawl. I go running down there. +I go running down there. In the middle of the night? +What if Danny Witwer came to you right now and insisted on a full chem run? I'm fine, Lamar. +You understand, John, that the minute Precrime goes national, they're going to take it away from us. We won't let them. +We won't let them. No? How's an old man and a cop on the whiff ever going to stop them? +Just so you know, I've overridden the vehicle locator. I just wanted to talk to you before Justice -- Justice already knows. Talk to me, John. Tell me what's happening? +Justice already knows. Talk to me, John. Tell me what's happening? This is all Witwer. He's setting me up. +This is all Witwer. He's setting me up. Stop. Just wait. Who's the victim? +Stop. Just wait. Who's the victim? Somebody named Leo Crow. +Somebody named Leo Crow. And who the hell is that? +And who the hell is that? I have no idea. I've never heard of him. But I'm supposed to kill him in less than thirty-six hours. +I have no idea. I've never heard of him. But I'm supposed to kill him in less than thirty-six hours. All right, John, just take a breath, let's think about this... +All right, John, just take a breath, let's think about this... I'm out of breath! I'm a fucking fugitive! +I'm out of breath! I'm a fucking fugitive! Then come to my house. We'll talk -- +Then come to my house. We'll talk -- I can't. They're following me right now. They'll meet me there. They'll halo me. +I can't. They're following me right now. They'll meet me there. They'll halo me. How could Witwer have accessed the case file? +How could Witwer have accessed the case file? Can you fake the cerebral output? +Can you fake the cerebral output? We're years from that. John, I'm asking you: please, come in, we'll shut down the system until we get this thing figured out. +We're years from that. John, I'm asking you: please, come in, we'll shut down the system until we get this thing figured out. You know I can't do that. You can't do that... Lamar, I need you to talk to Wally, see if Witwer's gone inside the temple again. Then ask Jad for any off hour EYEdents into the analytical room -- +You know I can't do that. You can't do that... Lamar, I need you to talk to Wally, see if Witwer's gone inside the temple again. Then ask Jad for any off hour EYEdents into the analytical room -- John. Just tell me, who's Leo Crow? +John. Please. Listen to me -- I'm not getting halo'd. +I'm not getting halo'd. You can't run -- +You can't run -- Everybody runs. +John -- I just wanted to congratulate you. You did it. You've created a world without murder. So what if you had to kill someone to do it. +People want to believe in the system. That's the beauty of it... Beauty? The precogs don't even always agree with each other! +No doubt the Precogs have already seen this. No doubt. +No doubt. Then go ahead, pull the trigger. +Seventeen minutes. Armor up -- sick-sticks and concussion guns -- this is gonna be close. +Chief, the investigator from the Fed is here. You're kidding, that's today? +You're kidding, that's today? I wrote it down in your calendar, then left a message at your house -- +I wrote it down in your calendar, then left a message at your house -- All I need, some twink from the Fed poking around right now. Check again with the paper, they had it forwarded. See if the neighbors know where they went, check all relations -- +All I need, some twink from the Fed poking around right now. Check again with the paper, they had it forwarded. See if the neighbors know where they went, check all relations -- Uh, sir... +Uh, sir... Get him some coffee and tell him to wait outside. +"What he's doing now, we call ""scrubbing the image"", looking for clues as to where the murder's going to happen." The brick has been repointed, the glass is original with new glazing bars. I show composite mouldings with dentils. Someone took care in the renovation. Let's find the architect... +The brick has been repointed, the glass is original with new glazing bars. I show composite mouldings with dentils. Someone took care in the renovation. Let's find the architect... Victims are pronounced here. Killers here. We never touch anything. +Victims are pronounced here. Killers here. We never touch anything. I show a cop on horseback. +Don't run, Chief. You know we'll catch you. You trained us. Everybody runs. +Everybody runs. You don't have to do this, Chief. +You don't have to do this, Chief. You don't have to chase me, Fletcher. +Okay, Jad, what's coming? Red Ball -- double homicide: one male, one female. Killer's male, white, 40's. +We need confirmation on the time frame. Location still uncertain. Remote witnesses are hooked in... Case #1108, previsualized by the Precogs and recorded on holoshpere by Precrime's q-stacks. My fellow witnesses for case #1108 are Dr. Katherine James and Chief Justice Frank Pollard. +We can't grab it... Run the subscription list... +Got him in the Foxhall. 4421 Gainsborough. Send a DCPD blue & white out there, set up a perimeter and tell 'em we're en route. What's our confirmed time? +Send a DCPD blue & white out there, set up a perimeter and tell 'em we're en route. What's our confirmed time? From solar position, Trig & Image confirms it at approximately eight oh-four a.m. +Somewhere near the capital? No maglev system. +No maglev system. The mall? +The mall? Georgetown. +Look at the kid. In this one, he's on the left of the man in the suit. Yeah? So? +Yeah? So? Now look at him... +Go ahead. Did he close the front door? +Did he close the front door? What? +What? Did Marks close the front door?! +You guys are nodding your heads like you actually know what the hell he's talking about. Come on, Chief, you think about it, the way we work -- changing destiny and all -- we're more like clergy than cops. +Come on, Chief, you think about it, the way we work -- changing destiny and all -- we're more like clergy than cops. Uh-huh. Jad? +Uh-huh. Jad? Sir? +Sir? Go back to work. All of you. +Jad. How come you're not out there with Father Witwer? We're in motion on something. +Red Ball? Nope. Somebody's thinking about this one. +Nope. Somebody's thinking about this one. Amazing there's someone within two hundred miles actually dumb enough to still do that. +The victim's name is Leo Crow. Start a location run and a contact search for future victim Leo Crow. And, Jad, I'll need a Last Known Sheet when you get it. +Start a location run and a contact search for future victim Leo Crow. And, Jad, I'll need a Last Known Sheet when you get it. I've got no address -- last known or otherwise -- no tax returns for the last five years. +I've got no address -- last known or otherwise -- no tax returns for the last five years. Check NCIC, maybe he's got a record. Then send a protection team as soon as we lock the location. +I show time of occurrence, Friday at fifteen-zero-six hours. That was easy. +Confirm with trig and image. Any ID on the shooter yet? +Any ID on the shooter yet? Still scrubbing... looks like there's a third party, somebody wearing shades just out the window... +Uh, yeah, you mind getting me a piece of that cake they're eating down there? I'm starving. Sure, Chief. I think I'll grab one for myself while I'm at it... +Sure, Chief. I think I'll grab one for myself while I'm at it... Take your time. +I'm sorry Danny, but I'll have to give you the full tour later on. Your secretaries were all kind enough to give me a look around the office... +As I recall, they outlawed compression firearms in the District ten years ago. They did. Make yourself comfortable. We'll be back in an hour. +They did. Make yourself comfortable. We'll be back in an hour. You mind if I tag along? +But it's not the future if you stop it. Isn't that a fundamental paradox? Yes, it is. +Why did you catch that? Because it was going to fall. +Because it was going to fall. You're certain? +You're certain? Yes. +Yes. But it didn't fall. You caught it. +The fact that you prevented it from happening doesn't change the fact that it was going to happen. You ever get any false positives? Someone intends to kill his boss or his wife, but they never go through with it. How do the precogs tell the difference? +You ever get any false positives? Someone intends to kill his boss or his wife, but they never go through with it. How do the precogs tell the difference? The Precogs don't see what you intend to do, only what you will do. +The Precogs don't see what you intend to do, only what you will do. Then why can't they see rapes, or assaults... or suicides? +It was Iris Hineman. She developed the Precogs, designed the system and pioneered the interface. Speaking of interfacing, I'd love to say hello. +Speaking of interfacing, I'd love to say hello. To Hineman? +To them. Cops aren't allowed inside the temple. +Cops aren't allowed inside the temple. Really? You've never been inside? +Really? You've never been inside? We keep a strict separation so that no one can accuse us of tampering. +We keep a strict separation so that no one can accuse us of tampering. So I'll be the first one to go in then? +So I'll be the first one to go in then? Maybe you didn't hear me. +Maybe you didn't hear me. If it's a question of authority. +If it's a question of authority. There's no question. You don't have any. +There's no question. You don't have any. I have a warrant in my pocket that says different. +I find it interesting that some people have begun to deify the precogs. The precogs are pattern recognition filters, nothing more. +The precogs are pattern recognition filters, nothing more. "But you call this room the ""temple""." +"But you call this room the ""temple""." Just a nickname. +Just a nickname. The oracle isn't where the power is anyway. The power's always been with the priests. Even if they had to invent the oracle. +Sorry. Old habit. I spent three years at Fuller Seminary before I became a cop. My father was a minister. Lutheran. What does he think of your chosen line of work? +What does he think of your chosen line of work? I don't know. He was shot and killed when I was fourteen on the steps of his church in Bethesda. +At least now you -- and I -- have the chance to make sure that kind of thing doesn't happen to anyone ever again. Why don't you cut the cute act, Danny, and tell me exactly what it is you're looking for? +Why don't you cut the cute act, Danny, and tell me exactly what it is you're looking for? Flaws. +Flaws. There hasn't been a murder in six years. There's nothing wrong with the system. It's perfect. +There hasn't been a murder in six years. There's nothing wrong with the system. It's perfect. I agree. The system is perfect. If there's a flaw, it's human. It always is. Thank you for the tour, Wally. +You set me up... I'll write the paranoia off to the whiff you been doping on all night. +It seems I've found a flaw, John You. You gonna tell on me? +You gonna tell on me? Possession alone will cost you six months, not to mention your badge. +I can't touch you! And John, you can't be in here! You'll confuse them! Wally. This is Danny Witwer. He's from Justice and we're to give him a full run of the farm. +They're not in any pain. We keep their heads pretty well stocked with dopamine and endorphins. Plus, we maintain careful control over their serotonin levels -- don't want 'em to drift off to sleep, but they can't be kept too awake either. It helps if you don't think of them as human. +Her pituitary dumped a week's worth into her system... What did you do to her? Nothing... she grabbed me, and then there was an image on the screen... +Nothing... she grabbed me, and then there was an image on the screen... She grabbed you? Impossible. The Precogs aren't even aware of us. In the milk all they see is the future. +She was looking right at me. It could have been a nightmare... Sometimes they dream about the old murders. +She spoke to me. To you? I don't think so... What'd she say? +To you? I don't think so... What'd she say? She said... +Wally, listen to me... Do I know you? Who are you? +I like you, Wally, so I'm not gonna kick you, or hit you with anything, but only if you promise to help me... Oh... Hi, John. +Are these all of her previsions? There's no way of knowing for sure. She could've forgotten whatever it is you're looking for... +Just go to the beginning! Okay. Fine. Where the hell is that? +Detective. Nice of you to come down here. Seeing as every cop in the world is looking for you right now. Jesus, what's up with your eye? I need your help. +I need your help. Well, hey, you didn't have to come all the way down here. For you, Chief, I make housecalls... +Well, hey, you didn't have to come all the way down here. For you, Chief, I make housecalls... I need help with her. +I need help with her. Well, hello there, honey-pie. +I'm impressed, Anderton. You're on the lam, but you still got the time and energy to slice off a little jerky for yourself. Rufus. She's a precog. +Rufus. She's a precog. She's a precog? +She's a precog? That's right. +Are you reading my mind right now? Rufus, for Christ's sake, get up. +Rufus, for Christ's sake, get up. I'm sorry for whatever I'm gonna do! And I swear, I didn't do any of the stuff I did! +She's got information inside of her. I need you to get it out. No. No way. I wouldn't even know where to begin! Those thoughts about my cousin Elena -- they were just thoughts. I would never -- +No. No way. I wouldn't even know where to begin! Those thoughts about my cousin Elena -- they were just thoughts. I would never -- C'mon, Rufus, you've been busted twice for felony hacking. +C'mon, Rufus, you've been busted twice for felony hacking. So? +So? So now I need you to hack into her. +I tell you what. I do this, I get to keep whatever images I get from her head. They don't belong to anybody. +They don't belong to anybody. Then take her to Radio Shack. +Stop -- Tell me how. +What happened? Where's the rest? I guess that's all of it. +Rufus, play it back... Uh, I'll try... +I scored a goal! That's great. +I won! What a big boy. How old are you? +Four. Wow. What a big boy. I love you, Sean. I love you, too! I love you daddy. Love ya, dad. +Okay... now let me time you. Are you kidding? There's absolutely positively no way, on my best day, I could ever beat twelve seconds! +Are you kidding? There's absolutely positively no way, on my best day, I could ever beat twelve seconds! Come on! +Come on! All right, I'll try... +Sean -- you're not real. You gotta have faith, Dad. +You gotta have faith, Dad. It's a little late for that. +It's a little late for that. Wanna hear something funny? +Wanna hear something funny? What the hell. +What the hell. I lived for a year with a man who was pretending to be my father. He took me all over the world. +You're alive? No. He got tired of pretending. +No. He got tired of pretending. Oh, Sean -- +Oh, Sean -- The funny thing is, I started to believe he really was my Dad. +The funny thing is, I started to believe he really was my Dad. Sean -- +Sean -- I feel bad about that. I need you to forgive me. +I feel bad about that. I need you to forgive me. I forgive you. +I forgive you. Once I even told him I loved him. +Once I even told him I loved him. I forgive you... +I forgive you... The more you want to believe something, the easier it is to be fooled. +The more you want to believe something, the easier it is to be fooled. I was looking for you... +I was looking for you... I know that. I know you would have done anything to find me. I know you would have died for me. +I know that. I know you would have done anything to find me. I know you would have died for me. I wanted to. +I wanted to. Good-bye, Dad... +Who are you? I'm your son. I'm you. +I'm your son. I'm you. Sean, wait... +Sean, wait... Hold your breath, Dad... +Six years ago. Baltimore. You grabbed a kid at Francis public pool in the West End. Did I? I don't recall... I got lots of kids from that place -- +Do you know who I am? Some -- somebody's father? +Some -- somebody's father? His name was Sean. Six years ago. Francis pool. +... and that I needed his help. It wasn't so bad really. I sang him a song, made him laugh, bought him a pretzel. I took care of him. I made him happy. He's alive? +Where've you got him? Is he all right? Tell me, you fuck -- WHERE IS HE?! I put him in a barrel and sunk him in the bay. +It floated back up. I had to take him out and -- NO! +You're not gonna kill me? No. +But you have to. They said you would. The precogs were wrong. +The precogs were wrong. If you don't kill me, my family gets nothing! +You're supposed to kill me. He said you would. Who said I would? +Look, I've put my family through enough misery. You gotta kill me! This way I can leave 'em something. Crow. I'm not gonna kill you. +Crow. I'm not gonna kill you. Look, believe me, I know it's hard, but you gotta do it -- +Look, believe me, I know it's hard, but you gotta do it -- I'm asking you again, who made you do this? +I'm asking you again, who made you do this? I don't know -- I never saw his face. All I know is, the next day I was out, so the guy must've had juice somewhere. Look, man, you gotta go through with this. +I don't know -- I never saw his face. All I know is, the next day I was out, so the guy must've had juice somewhere. Look, man, you gotta go through with this. What the fuck is going on? +What about the picture -- Fake. He gave it to me. Now -- -- shoot me, Goddammit, before I lose my nerve! +Fake. He gave it to me. Now -- -- shoot me, Goddammit, before I lose my nerve! Tell me, who was it, set this up? +Tell me, who was it, set this up? If I tell you, my family gets nothing. +If I tell you, my family gets nothing. Who made you do this? +Who made you do this? Kill me! +Kill me! Tell me! +Let go of the gun. You're not gonna kill me... +You're not gonna kill me... Good-bye, Crow. +Something wrong? I'm a little dizzy... +Yes, I'm afraid that would be from the Doll's Eye. The what? +The what? The vine -- the Baneberry that scratched you during your illegal climb over my wall... +You have three minutes to tell me what you're doing here before I feed you to a few of my more predacious plants. I'm... not... a... killer. +Just what is it you think I can do for you? You can tell me how someone... could fake a prevision. +You can tell me how someone... could fake a prevision. And how would I know that? +What's so funny? If the unintended consequences of a series of genetic mistakes and science gone haywire can be called invention, then yes, I invented precrime. +If the unintended consequences of a series of genetic mistakes and science gone haywire can be called invention, then yes, I invented precrime. You don't seem all that proud. +You don't seem all that proud. I'm not. I was trying to heal them, not turn them into... something else. +I'm not. I was trying to heal them, not turn them into... something else. Heal who? +Heal who? The innocents we now use to stop the guilty. +The innocents we now use to stop the guilty. You're talking about the precogs... +You're talking about the precogs... You think the three in the tank come from a test tube? They're merely the ones who survived. +It began as play. A guessing game like you play with any toddler, except these children always guessed right. And then the nightmares started. They were all different, but all the same. They were all about murder. And the murders were all happening. And how did Lamar become involved? +And how did Lamar become involved? Back then, he was still a DA, and quite a few parents of my patients had passed through his courtroom. You have to understand, these people were the dregs of society. But once they saw their children... he decided he would do whatever he could for them. He's that way, you know, paternal about certain things. Precrime. The precogs. You. +Back then, he was still a DA, and quite a few parents of my patients had passed through his courtroom. You have to understand, these people were the dregs of society. But once they saw their children... he decided he would do whatever he could for them. He's that way, you know, paternal about certain things. Precrime. The precogs. You. You say some of the children died? +You say some of the children died? So many of them... despite what we did for them. Or maybe because of what we did to them. It doesn't matter. It's a perfect system now, isn't it? +So many of them... despite what we did for them. Or maybe because of what we did to them. It doesn't matter. It's a perfect system now, isn't it? I'm not a murderer. I've never even met the man I'm supposed to kill. +I'm not a murderer. I've never even met the man I'm supposed to kill. And, yet, a chain of events has started. A chain that will lead inexorably to his death. +And, yet, a chain of events has started. A chain that will lead inexorably to his death. Not if I stay away from him. +Not if I stay away from him. How can you avoid a man you've never met? +How can you avoid a man you've never met? So you won't help me? +So you won't help me? I can't help you. No one can. The Precogs are never wrong. +What? Most of the time, all three Precognitives will see an event in the same way. But once in a while, one of them will see things differently than the other two. +Most of the time, all three Precognitives will see an event in the same way. But once in a while, one of them will see things differently than the other two. Jesus Christ -- why didn't I know about this? +Jesus Christ -- why didn't I know about this? Because these Minority Reports are destroyed the instant they occur. +Because these Minority Reports are destroyed the instant they occur. Why? +Why? Obviously, for Precrime to function, there can't be any suggestion of fallibility. After all, what good is a Justice system that instills doubt? It may be reasonable, but it's still doubt. +You're saying that I've halo'd innocent people? I'm saying that every so often those accused of a precrime might, just might, have an alternate future. +I'm saying that every so often those accused of a precrime might, just might, have an alternate future. Does Burgess know about this? About the Minority Report? +Does Burgess know about this? About the Minority Report? I used to joke with Lamar that we were the mother and father of Precrime. Well, in my experience, parents often see their children as they want them to be, not as they are. +I used to joke with Lamar that we were the mother and father of Precrime. Well, in my experience, parents often see their children as they want them to be, not as they are. Answer my question. Did Lamar Burgess know about the Minority Report? +Answer my question. Did Lamar Burgess know about the Minority Report? Yes, of course, he knew, but at the time, he felt -- we both felt their existence was... an insignificant variable. +Yes, of course, he knew, but at the time, he felt -- we both felt their existence was... an insignificant variable. Insignificant to you maybe, but what about those people I put away with alternate futures? My God, if the country knew there was a chance they might not -- +Insignificant to you maybe, but what about those people I put away with alternate futures? My God, if the country knew there was a chance they might not -- The system would collapse. +The system would collapse. I believe in that system... +I believe in that system... Do you? Really? +You want to bring it down. But you will bring it down if you kill Leo Crow. Why, that will be the most spectacular public display of how Precrime... didn't work. +But you will bring it down if you kill Leo Crow. Why, that will be the most spectacular public display of how Precrime... didn't work. I'm not gonna kill anybody. +I'm not gonna kill anybody. Hold that thought. +Hold that thought. Why should I trust you? +Why should I trust you? You shouldn't. You shouldn't trust anyone... certainly not the Attorney General who wants it all for himself. Not the young federal agent who wants your job. Not even the old man who just wants to hang onto what he's created. Don't trust anyone. Just find the Minority Report. +You shouldn't. You shouldn't trust anyone... certainly not the Attorney General who wants it all for himself. Not the young federal agent who wants your job. Not even the old man who just wants to hang onto what he's created. Don't trust anyone. Just find the Minority Report. You said they're destroyed. +You said they're destroyed. I said the record is destroyed. The original report exists for all time. I designed the system so that whenever a report occurred, it would be stored in a safe place -- but not declared. +I said the record is destroyed. The original report exists for all time. I designed the system so that whenever a report occurred, it would be stored in a safe place -- but not declared. What safe place is that? +What safe place is that? The safest place of all. +Where? Inside the Precog who predicted it. All you have to do is download it. +Inside the Precog who predicted it. All you have to do is download it. That's all, huh? Just walk right into Precrime, go into the Temple, somehow tap into the Precogs, and then download this Minority Report... +That's all, huh? Just walk right into Precrime, go into the Temple, somehow tap into the Precogs, and then download this Minority Report... If... you have one. +If... you have one. -- and then walk out. +-- and then walk out. Actually, I think you'll have to run out, but yes, that's what you have to do. +Actually, I think you'll have to run out, but yes, that's what you have to do. You're insane or you think I am. +I'll get EYEscanned a dozen times before I get within ten miles of Precrime. They'll pick me up... Sometimes in order to see the light, you have to risk the dark. +How do I even know which one has it? It's always in the more gifted of the three. +It's always in the more gifted of the three. Which one is that? +Which one is that? The female. +John? He's dead, Lara. +He's dead, Lara. Oh, God, what did you do? +Oh, God, what did you do? Nothing. I didn't kill him. +Nothing. I didn't kill him. Then how did he -- +Then how did he -- Lara, I don't know why this is happening. I just know they're setting me up. I can't trust anybody. I don't know who to talk to or where to go... Lara? Are you there? +This is all my fault. No, it isn't, Lamar. There was nothing anyone could do. +I haven't worn this damn thing in years. I just wanted to make sure it fits before tonight. You look great. +It's insanity around here. I thought you were retiring? +I thought you were retiring? I was, but this whole incident with John made me realize the fragility of what we've built here. This is John's legacy as much as mine and I want to protect that. +Who? Anne Lively. John was talking about her right before they took him. +Anne Lively. John was talking about her right before they took him. I don't know who that is. +"John said something about him being set up because he ""found out about her.""" We know why John was tagged. +We know why John was tagged. He also said Crow was a fake. +Lamar, do you know the reason why John came here to work with you? Sean -- +Sean -- No. That's what everyone thinks. John shot a man dead in Baltimore six months before. +I understand. No. I don't think you do. The other day, when he came to the cottage, he talked about a lot of things, but Danny Witwer, the man he was supposed to have just killed? He didn't mention him. He didn't say his name even once. +But I also know why he married you: you're as stubborn as he is. Lamar -- +Lamar -- All right. Tell you what I'll do. First thing Monday, I'll look over the Witwer evidence and I'll have Gideon run the Containment files, see if anyone drowned a woman named -- what did you say her name was? +All right. Tell you what I'll do. First thing Monday, I'll look over the Witwer evidence and I'll have Gideon run the Containment files, see if anyone drowned a woman named -- what did you say her name was? Anne Lively... But I never said she drowned. +The guy from USA Today is here. Tell him not now. +Tell him not now. He just wanted a few minutes before -- +He just wanted a few minutes before -- Not. Now. +Sir, the press conference is starting. I'll be right there. +Congratulations, sir. My God... +How did you get this? I padded your expense account for the last six months. +You have an emergency call on your private line. Thank you. This is Burgess. +He came to see you yesterday. Right before he got tagged. What did you talk about? The Mets. John doesn't think they've got a deep enough pitching roster this year, and I'm inclined to agree. +The Mets. John doesn't think they've got a deep enough pitching roster this year, and I'm inclined to agree. Why are you protecting him? You knew he was doping, yet you did nothing about it. +Why are you protecting him? You knew he was doping, yet you did nothing about it. The man lost a child, for Christ's sake... +The man lost a child, for Christ's sake... Six years ago. What did you two talk about yesterday afternoon? +Six years ago. What did you two talk about yesterday afternoon? None of your damn business. +None of your damn business. Oh, it's all my damn business now, Lamar. Investigation of a supervising office for a capital crime falls under federal jurisdiction... so as to rule out any possibility of conspiracy. He's my suspect. +Oh, it's all my damn business now, Lamar. Investigation of a supervising office for a capital crime falls under federal jurisdiction... so as to rule out any possibility of conspiracy. He's my suspect. He's my subordinate! +Shall we call the Attorney General? I'm sure he'd be happy to clarify the issue for you. I don't want John Anderton hurt. +Lamar, I found something. What? +What? I don't wanna say over the phone, but I think we may be chasing the wrong man. +I don't wanna say over the phone, but I think we may be chasing the wrong man. Where are you? +Good God. What was that? Wait, just a second... +He told me about this. You got this from Containment? Yes. This is from the twins, Arthur and Dashiel. Agatha's stream was missing. Now this one is from the cyberparlor. Anderton downloaded it directly from Agatha. Watch... +It's the same prevision. Not quite. +Now the second image. Watch the water. The wind's changed. The ripples are going the other way. I don't understand -- +I don't understand -- This murder is happening at two different times. +According to the Sentry, Anderton was watching this at Containment right before he was tagged. I know. He came to me, told me about the missing data stream. He was concerned that you might find it. +I know. He came to me, told me about the missing data stream. He was concerned that you might find it. I did find it. It was inside of Agatha all this time. So the question is, why would someone want this erased from the data file? +I did find it. It was inside of Agatha all this time. So the question is, why would someone want this erased from the data file? Danny, tell me what you're thinking. +Danny, tell me what you're thinking. I'm thinking someone got away with murder. +I'm thinking someone got away with murder. How? +By fooling the system. All someone would have to do is wait for Precrime to stop the murder from taking place, then, a few minutes later, commit the crime in exactly the same way. Yes... It's called an echo. The act of murder is such a violent disturbance in the future continuum that it sometimes repeats to the Precogs. +Yes... It's called an echo. The act of murder is such a violent disturbance in the future continuum that it sometimes repeats to the Precogs. Precog Deja Vu... +Precog Deja Vu... We teach the tech's to identify them and disregard... +So there is a way to fool the system? Yes. +Of course, it would have to be someone with access to the Prevision in the first place, someone fairly high up -- Shhh. You know what I hear? +Shhh. You know what I hear? What? +What? Nothing. No footsteps coming up the stairs. No hovercraft out the window. No clickity click of little spyders. No one crashing through that door. And do you know why I don't hear any of those things, Danny? Because right now, the Precogs can't see. +Near Death's real popular right now, which includes everything from getting hit by a car, to falling off a high building to plane crashes. It's a big rush, you come out the other side without a heart attack. I wanna kill my boss. +I wanna kill my boss. Uh-huh. Okay. You got some images I can work with? +Uh-huh. Okay. You got some images I can work with? Right here. +Right here. Good. What I can do is set you up down in the -- +Uh, yeah, being concert master of the Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra is one of our most popular choices... No, I wanna kill my boss! +No, I wanna kill my boss! Get the hell outta here. You sick bastard. +This is Evanna, the team pilot. Nice to meet you. Gum? +So if you wanna kill someone, you take him to Miami. Not after the vote next week. Once the Amendment passes, we go national, there's gonna be nowhere to run. +Can't they shut that off? That's the Red Ball Alarm. +Crime of passion. No premeditation. They show up late. Most of our scrambles are flash events like this one. We rarely see anything with premeditation anymore. People have gotten the message. Gum? +The information we need is embedded in the grain of wood. And since each piece is unique, the shape and grain is impossible to duplicate. I'm sure you've all grasped the legalistic drawback to precrime methodology. +"Because of the nature of murder. ""There's nothing more destructive to the metaphysical fabric that binds us than the untimely murder of one human being by another""." Somehow, I don't think that was Walt Whitman. +Don't worry. I'll bring him in unharmed. Actually, Gordon, you're not gonna do that. I'm taking control of the team. +Actually, Gordon, you're not gonna do that. I'm taking control of the team. What?! +Sir, the team's gonna be light without those men. Yes, I know. +Here's where we're at. Three men in a room. The victims here. Anderton here, and this unidentified male out the window. The exterior of the adjacent building suggests public housing, but I can't make out the location. Government architecture is modern/conformist which means -- There's thousands of units like this one. +There's thousands of units like this one. They're everywhere. +Anderton's smart enough to go where electronic billboards and other media can't ID him to pick his pocket. There's fewer consumers down there, which means fewer scanners to target him. No offense, sir, but why wouldn't he just run? +No offense, sir, but why wouldn't he just run? Because he thinks he's innocent. +There are two others in the room besides Anderton and Crow. Two? +It doesn't matter. He wins. We can stop him. +We can stop him. She's in the room with him when he kills Crow. She's already a part of his future. +He's trying to prove his innocence. He can't download her without a lot of technical help. +He can't download her without a lot of technical help. No. He can't... +There a maid in this hotel? I don't know, why? +I don't know, why? If you were a child killer, you took these pictures, would you leave them out on the bed for anyone to find? +If you were a child killer, you took these pictures, would you leave them out on the bed for anyone to find? They could have been put away. Anderton could have found them. +They could have been put away. Anderton could have found them. What kind of cop were you before this? +What kind of cop were you before this? I was a Treasury Agent for eight years. Why? +I was a Treasury Agent for eight years. Why? Treasury... Then this would be your first actual murder scene. +"I worked homicide before I went federal. This is what we would've called an ""orgy of evidence"". Do you know how many orgies I had as a homicide copy, Gordon?" How many? +How many? None. This was arranged. +That's why you asked to partner with me on this little sortie, isn't it? I think you're swell company, Knott. +I think you're swell company, Knott. It's not at all that you don't trust me to be alone with the Chief. That you think I might, you know, fuck with him, if I had the chance... +People, if you don't let the spyder scan you, we'll have to come in and arrest you. Knott! +Why don't I feel like celebrating? Cause all of a sudden you got no one you can fucking brown nose anymore. +John Anderton was my friend! "You ""friend's"" a murderer and he ruined our perfect record. Six years, not one damn murder..." +He looks familiar. Who? +Who? The man across the street. I've seen him before... +The man across the street. I've seen him before... How can you even tell? You know how blind you are without your glasses. +What about your meeting? I'll reschedule. I've been working too much anyway. +We could have lunch together. I'd love to, but I've got an open house today at the Ressler place. +I'd love to, but I've got an open house today at the Ressler place. Ah. That must be why you look so nice. +Raincheck? Sure. Raincheck. +Howard -- I forgot my glasses. +My name is Danny Witwer. I'm -- I know who you are. +This your work? Yes. +I like it. Thanks. You take anything in your coffee? +Thanks. You take anything in your coffee? Cream and sugar. +Cream and sugar. I don't have any cream. Sorry. +I don't have any cream. Sorry. Just sugar then. You and John ever come here? +Just sugar then. You and John ever come here? We used to, every summer. +We used to, every summer. He's not here now, is he? +I don't have any sugar either. Thank you. He hasn't tried to contact you? +Thank you. He hasn't tried to contact you? No. +No. You ever heard him mention the name Leo Crow? +You ever heard him mention the name Leo Crow? No, but then I don't talk to John that much anymore. +No, but then I don't talk to John that much anymore. So you haven't seen his apartment? +So you haven't seen his apartment? That was our apartment. +That was our apartment. Have you been there recently? +Since right after we lost our son. You mean after he lost your son. +You mean after he lost your son. It was nobody's fault. +It was nobody's fault. But John was with him at the pool? +But John was with him at the pool? Yes. +You said in your divorce papers that he tried to kill himself. It wasn't a suicide attempt. I regret ever saying that. +It wasn't a suicide attempt. I regret ever saying that. What was it then? +What was it then? The FBI found something that belonged to my son. A sandal... Anyway, John was upset. He... he... +The FBI found something that belonged to my son. A sandal... Anyway, John was upset. He... he... He took out his gun and sat down to watch his home movies. This is all in your statement, Lara... +He took out his gun and sat down to watch his home movies. This is all in your statement, Lara... He shot a hole in the damn ceiling. So what? You lose your son, let's see how well you handle it. +He shot a hole in the damn ceiling. So what? You lose your son, let's see how well you handle it. Not very well, I'm sure. I'd probably start doping myself. Or maybe I'd... +Lamar Burgess thinks that you left John because he lost himself in Precrime instead of you. I left him because every time I looked at him, I saw my son. Every time I got close to him, I smelled my little boy. That's why I left him. And now you can leave. +You know I need to use you. To what? Trap him? +To what? Trap him? To prevent a murder. Sooner or later, he's going to contact you. +To prevent a murder. Sooner or later, he's going to contact you. I haven't seen him in two years. +I haven't seen him in two years. But I've seen the three hundred hours of your image he's got stored away. +Nice to meet you, Wally. Shhh! They're sleeping. +Shhh! They're sleeping. Tell me how all this works. +They've never been separated before. What does he want with a precog? +What does he want with a precog? What do you think? So he can kill whoever he wants to without anyone knowing about it. +What do you think? So he can kill whoever he wants to without anyone knowing about it. But there's still the other two. +Wally, the other two can still function, right? You don't understand... they're a hive mind. It takes all three for their predictive abilities to work. +You don't understand... they're a hive mind. It takes all three for their predictive abilities to work. Are you telling me they can't see murders anymore? +Are you telling me they can't see murders anymore? Maybe if he'd taken one of the males. But the female, she's the key. She's the one they listen to, the one with the most talent. The one who takes care of the other two. +Maybe if he'd taken one of the males. But the female, she's the key. She's the one they listen to, the one with the most talent. The one who takes care of the other two. Jesus... +Look, Bobby, I don't know what happened, and I don't want to know what happened, but something's up. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Maxie wants me to replace you on the job tomorrow. He wants you to come by the office today. +Maxie wants me to replace you on the job tomorrow. He wants you to come by the office today. They were grabbing her fucking ass -- +They were grabbing her fucking ass -- Hey. I don't know, I don't want to know. Far as I'm concerned, you're a good kid. I got news, though, without you here I can't keep on your friend. I got enough people pretending to sweep. +Hey. I don't know, I don't want to know. Far as I'm concerned, you're a good kid. I got news, though, without you here I can't keep on your friend. I got enough people pretending to sweep. Do me a favor, Arthur, keep him on til I see what's happening. +Do me a favor, Arthur, keep him on til I see what's happening. Good luck. +Hi, uh, excuse me. I'm here to see Mr. Reuben. You're Bobby, right? +You're Bobby, right? Yeah. +Yeah. Good afternoon, Bobby. I'll let Max know you're here. +He'll be a minute, hon. You want some coffee? No thank you. +No thank you. You sure? I just made it. +You sure? I just made it. No, thank you. I'm good. Thanks. +Martel's and coke. One ice cube. In a snifter this time. Snifter are for warm drinks -- +Snifter are for warm drinks -- Yeah, snifters are for cognac -- +Yeah, snifters are for cognac -- When served warm -- +When served warm -- What's the matter? You ain't got no snifters in this motherfucker? +What's the matter? You ain't got no snifters in this motherfucker? We have snifters +We have snifters Then put my Martel's in a snifter. +...And here is the key to the mini- bar. Room and tax has been picked up by Cardiff Giant, as well as one fifty in incidentals. What's 'incidentals?' +What's 'incidentals?' Phone, room service, mini-bar. Any additional expense. If you need anything you can push the button marked 'Concierge', and they'll be able to help you. +Now, Mr. Slade, you're in room 315. Just give me the key. I'm gonna stay here. +Just give me the key. I'm gonna stay here. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Is it a good room? +Is it a good room? I can take you down there. +I can take you down there. Just tell me. Wait, here... Do you have change of a hundred? +Just tell me. Wait, here... Do you have change of a hundred? Not on me, sir. +Not on me, sir. Here. Take it. Bring me back eighty. +Here. Take it. Bring me back eighty. Are you sure? +Are you sure? Yeah. Take it. +Yeah. Take it. Thank you very much, sir. +Thank you very much, sir. So? +So? What, sir? +What, sir? Is it the good room? +Is it the good room? All the suites are about the same. +All the suites are about the same. Come on. Just tell me. It'll save all the trouble of you showing me all the rooms. +Come on. Just tell me. It'll save all the trouble of you showing me all the rooms. Honestly, the suites are all about the same. +Honestly, the suites are all about the same. What if I gave you forty? +What if I gave you forty? It's as good a suite as we have, unless you want two bedrooms. +It's as good a suite as we have, unless you want two bedrooms. No. That's cool. Bring me back eighty. +No. That's cool. Bring me back eighty. Thank you, sir. +Thank you, sir. Where's the place to go tonight? +Where's the place to go tonight? As far as...? +As far as...? Nightlife. Where's the hot ass? +Nightlife. Where's the hot ass? Women? +Women? Yeah 'women.' If I was a fag I could get laid in a subway. +Yeah 'women.' If I was a fag I could get laid in a subway. I don't know, Forum's pretty hot tonight. It might be hard to get in, though. +I don't know, Forum's pretty hot tonight. It might be hard to get in, though. Don't worry about me getting in. Just tell me where it is. +Don't worry about me getting in. Just tell me where it is. It's on West Broadway. +It's on West Broadway. See you later. +So, wait, you're from where? Manhattan. +Manhattan. You girls aren't from Brooklyn or anything? +You girls aren't from Brooklyn or anything? No. +I don't get it. What do you do? We're in Fashion. +We're in Fashion. So you're models? +I don't know about you guys, but I'm starting to feel a really sexual vibe here. What happened? I thought we were playing Truth or Dare. +What happened? I thought we were playing Truth or Dare. Look at, ladies. I could sit here and take turns throwing skittles at your ass all night. But I feel what you guys are putting out there. I'm only a mirror reflecting what I'm getting from you. And I'm saying yes to it. I'm shaking hands with it. I see the road that you're pointing down and I'm saying I'll ride shotgun. And when your foot slams on the accelerator, I won't get scared. I'll stand up and let the wind blow through my long blonde hair. With my summer dress clinging to my bosom yelling 'Faster, Billy! Faster! Drive faster! Faster yet -- !' +Okay. We got a lot happening here. Here comes the good part... Okay... Somebody's getting comfortable. +Will you leave me alone, already...? No, Sean, it's over... I don't care... As a matter of fact, I am... Yeah. In his hotel room... Holy shit. +Holy shit. I'm having fun, Sean. Can you handle that...? Yeah. He doesn't judge me. +Is he cute? He's okay. +He's okay. Should I fuck him? +Should I fuck him? I don't know. Do whatever you want. +I don't know. Do whatever you want. He's great, right. Is he great? +He's great, right. Is he great? He's alright. +He's alright. I know. +I know. But maybe that's okay. Maybe that's just what you need. +Oh no. What is it this time. We used to take baths together. +We used to take baths together. Come on. Let's go. +What the fuck was that about? You wanna get us busted? If Max found out you were turning tricks -- +You wanna get us busted? If Max found out you were turning tricks -- I got news for you, Bobby, he don't give a shit. +I got news for you, Bobby, he don't give a shit. Bullshit. +Bullshit. You think he don't know? I give him his cut of seventeen hundred, I think he knows I can't make that lap dancing. +You think he don't know? I give him his cut of seventeen hundred, I think he knows I can't make that lap dancing. No more. +Nobody's fuckin talking to you. And how could you fucking leave Horrace hanging? +And how could you fucking leave Horrace hanging? I got news for you, Horrace got his ass out of there before you did. +I got news for you, Horrace got his ass out of there before you did. Bullshit. +Bullshit. What? You don't think Horrace would leave your white ass in there to hang? +Ricky's not wearing one. Ricky, can you put on a seat belt? +A elephant seal. Where's mommy? She's, uh, sleeping. +She's, uh, sleeping. It's daytime. +It's daytime. Mommy works hard so you can have all your pretty clothes. Don't you like your pretty clothes? +Mommy works hard so you can have all your pretty clothes. Don't you like your pretty clothes? No. +No. Show uncle Ricky what you made. +What's wrong, baby? He's not doing it. +It's a poison arrow tree frog. Will you paint the damn thing. Why do you gotta be such a baby. +You're not my daddy. You gonna bust my horns, or you want spaghetti +You gonna bust my horns, or you want spaghetti I want spaghettis. +Hello. Chloe? +Chloe? Uncle Bobby? +Uncle Bobby? Hi, baby. What are you doing awake? Where's mommy? +Hi, baby. What are you doing awake? Where's mommy? I don't know. +I don't know. Mommy's not home? +Mommy's not home? No. +No. What time is it there? +What time is it there? Can you take me to Color Me Mine? +Can you take me to Color Me Mine? Yeah. Are you sure mommy's not home? It's very late. +I gotta go, baby. I love you. Tell mommy I called. You be a big girl and be careful when you're alone. I love you. Come home. +Honey? Where were you? +So, what kind of gig is this? Easy night. Bachelor party. Can we give Wendy a ride? +Easy night. Bachelor party. Can we give Wendy a ride? No. What kind of bachelor party? +No. What kind of bachelor party? The easy kind. They're young and rich and well mannered. +Oh my god. What happened? A draw. What makes you think they're well mannered? +A draw. What makes you think they're well mannered? Bobby, this is a plumb gig. It's a bunch of young agents and it's at a restaurant. It's gonna be easy and we'll make a lot of money. +Bobby, this is a plumb gig. It's a bunch of young agents and it's at a restaurant. It's gonna be easy and we'll make a lot of money. I don't like you working with Wendy. Why are you working with Wendy? +I don't like you working with Wendy. Why are you working with Wendy? They requested her. It was her gig. Max put me on as a favor. +They requested her. It was her gig. Max put me on as a favor. Some favor. I hope they know you're not like Wendy. +Some favor. I hope they know you're not like Wendy. Oh, please. +Oh, please. If they asked for her, they're probably expecting blowjobs all around. +If they asked for her, they're probably expecting blowjobs all around. Will you cut it out! Get ready, we're already late. +Will you cut it out! Get ready, we're already late. Who's watching the baby? +Who's watching the baby? She's downstairs with Ruth. Get ready. +She's downstairs with Ruth. Get ready. I'm ready. +I'm ready. Bullshit. These are classy customers. You can't show up all fucked up with a Fila running suit on. +Bullshit. These are classy customers. You can't show up all fucked up with a Fila running suit on. They're not too classy to have tits rubbed in their face. +You talk to Max today? I'm not gonna mention Ricky to him. +I'm not gonna mention Ricky to him. Don't expect you to mention it to him. I'm just saying, if -- +Don't expect you to mention it to him. I'm just saying, if -- The only way he'll go with Ricky is if you're in too. +The only way he'll go with Ricky is if you're in too. Well, that's not gonna happen. +Well, that's not gonna happen. Fine. You want to help Ricky, talk to Maxie yourself. +Fine. You want to help Ricky, talk to Maxie yourself. I feel weird asking him. +I feel weird asking him. You shouldn't. He likes you. +You shouldn't. He likes you. I just wish he never brought it up. Ricky won't shut up about it. +I just wish he never brought it up. Ricky won't shut up about it. Forget Ricky. You should be glad Max got you driving for me. +Forget Ricky. You should be glad Max got you driving for me. No coke tonight. Right? +No coke tonight. Right? Leave me alone. I haven't touched anything in months. +Go finish getting ready. I'll take care of dinner. Yeah? You sure? +Yeah? You sure? Go. +No way that cocksucker's driving you. Maybe if you didn't go Rambo every time I did a lapdance, you'd still be doing it yourself. Meantime, I gotta feed my little girl. +Maybe if you didn't go Rambo every time I did a lapdance, you'd still be doing it yourself. Meantime, I gotta feed my little girl. Maxie's fucking with me. He put you with the spook to get under my skin. +Maxie's fucking with me. He put you with the spook to get under my skin. Ho's a good guy -- +Ho's a good guy -- Ho's a fucking pimp! He encourages Wendy to turn tricks. And she's his fucking wife! +Ho's a fucking pimp! He encourages Wendy to turn tricks. And she's his fucking wife! Shhh. He'll hear you. +Shhh. He'll hear you. Good! It'll save me the trouble of repeating myself. He's not fucking driving you! +Good! It'll save me the trouble of repeating myself. He's not fucking driving you! Listen to me, Bobby. This is my job. It puts a roof over me and my daughter and you for as long as you want to stay. +Listen to me, Bobby. This is my job. It puts a roof over me and my daughter and you for as long as you want to stay. I want you to quit. +I want you to quit. Look at the bills. I can't. I'm not gonna put my daughter through what I went through. +Look at the bills. I can't. I'm not gonna put my daughter through what I went through. I'll support you. +I'll support you. With what? +With what? Max offered to stake me. +Max offered to stake me. Yeah, well Max offers a lot of things. And I got news for you. He's not the sweet old man you think he is. +She needs a family. A dad. I'll give her what you never had. Don't get my hopes up. If I quit, what then? I can't go through this again. +I never promised you anything. How could you let her see this? +How could you let her see this? Goodbye, Bobby. +Goodbye, Bobby. Just so you know, I bought you out with Maxie. I suggest you leave while you can. +Just so you know, I bought you out with Maxie. I suggest you leave while you can. Don't you get it? I don't want to leave. This is who I am. +Don't you get it? I don't want to leave. This is who I am. Tell you the truth, I don't give a shit for me. But that little girl is so special, and you're gonna fuck her up. +Take her. What'd you say? +What'd you say? I want you to take her with you. +Whu -- There's no touching. +There's no touching. But what about them? +But what about them? I don't give a shit. I work for her. No touching. +I said no touching. Look, man, I'm the bachelor, alright? I gave her a hundred bucks in tips alone -- +Look, man, I'm the bachelor, alright? I gave her a hundred bucks in tips alone -- Get your hands off of her. +Get your hands off of her. Dude, listen, man. I'm cool. How much for the treatment? +Dude, listen, man. I'm cool. How much for the treatment? Your dance is over. +Your dance is over. Come on, dude. The other chick's giving my best man a blow job in the toilet. I know the drill, I'll wear a rubber -- +I -- I -- I... Don't... I don't get it. +It's already been a hell of a night. Where you been? I had a fight up at Sportsman's. +I had a fight up at Sportsman's. Well, you look it. You win? +Well, you look it. You win? Draw. +Draw. What's your record at? +What's your record at? 5-5-1. +5-5-1. Yeah, well you let me know when you wanna start makin the real money. +Yeah, well you let me know when you wanna start makin the real money. Yeah, sure. +Yeah, sure. I'm serious. Humping sheetrock and driving on weekends got to get to you after a while. Might be nice to buy your lady something. All it takes is one fight. +What's up? Jess ready? You driving her? +You driving her? Yeah. +Yeah. She'll be out in a minute. +C'mon girl. Eat up. Get away from her. +Get away from her. Excuse -- +What's up. You all ready to meet Ruiz? Yeah. Where is he? +He making the drop? Nah, man. He's just making contact. That's our man. The Welsh guy. +Nah, man. He's just making contact. That's our man. The Welsh guy. What's his name? +What's his name? Ruiz don't like using names on cell phones. He refers to him as the Red Dragon. +Ruiz don't like using names on cell phones. He refers to him as the Red Dragon. So, when's the drop. +So, when's the drop. To be honest, man, I don't know shit either. All I know is it ain't drugs and it ain't now. +How bad is it? It's bad. Before you even showed up, he said you were Maxie's 'token goons', and not to be trusted. He wanted to TCB alone. I was gonna ride shotgun to keep the English dude above board. Now he's spooked. This shit's snowballing. +It's bad. Before you even showed up, he said you were Maxie's 'token goons', and not to be trusted. He wanted to TCB alone. I was gonna ride shotgun to keep the English dude above board. Now he's spooked. This shit's snowballing. When's it going down? +When's it going down? Was gonna be tomorrow morning. Now, who knows? +Was gonna be tomorrow morning. Now, who knows? Shit. +Why isn't Ruiz coming? This Welsh dude is tripping on Ruiz cause he's a Shot Caller. +This Welsh dude is tripping on Ruiz cause he's a Shot Caller. What's that? +What's that? A Shot Caller. A boss, a Capo. He's running shit. +A Shot Caller. A boss, a Capo. He's running shit. Yeah. +So what do we do? We go and hang out with the dude, make him happy, drink some tea, whatever it takes, until he feels comfortable enough to bring it up on his own. We make the drop, go home to California. +We go and hang out with the dude, make him happy, drink some tea, whatever it takes, until he feels comfortable enough to bring it up on his own. We make the drop, go home to California. Where is this happening? +Where is this happening? We meet at the Globe on Park Avenue at six forty-five. I'll see you then. +Now, here's what worries me. He said he wants to meet up at a bar in Red Hook. You know where that is? No. +No. Brooklyn. +Brooklyn. Yeah? +Yeah? He must have that shit troughed. +He must have that shit troughed. What do you mean 'troughed?' +What do you mean 'troughed?' Troughed off. Protected. Like, you know, like he got a moat around it. +Troughed off. Protected. Like, you know, like he got a moat around it. Ruiz tied in out there? +Ruiz tied in out there? Nah, man. No one is. They got some Puerto Ricans and a new crop of fuckin Irish immigrants. +Heard of them. They ran shit back in the Eighties. Used to cut motherfuckers heads off and sit them on the bar. That's back when the Irish was making a play against the Italians. I don't know if they still around, but I don't fuck with those motherfuckers just in case. +They ran shit back in the Eighties. Used to cut motherfuckers heads off and sit them on the bar. That's back when the Irish was making a play against the Italians. I don't know if they still around, but I don't fuck with those motherfuckers just in case. It sounds to me like everybody's just a little jumpy. And since all it is is a drop, the Welshman's got nothing at stake. I say we go to his 'troughed off' bar. It'll calm his nerves, we drop the bag, and we all get back to our lives. +It sounds to me like everybody's just a little jumpy. And since all it is is a drop, the Welshman's got nothing at stake. I say we go to his 'troughed off' bar. It'll calm his nerves, we drop the bag, and we all get back to our lives. And not a word to Maxie. He'll shit if he knew we crossed a bridge. +Where we going? Quick drop. In and out. +Quick drop. In and out. Where's Ricky? +Where's Ricky? Ricky's taken care of. +Ricky's taken care of. How so? +How so? He was uptown when I paged him. I gave him the address. He's meeting us there. +He was uptown when I paged him. I gave him the address. He's meeting us there. That it? +That it? That's it. +This is it. Where's Ricky. +Where's Ricky. I guess inside. Or he never made it. Either way, I don't give a shit. Let's get this over with. +You like the ponies? Sure. Yeah. +Sure. Yeah. You bet the ponies? +You bet the ponies? Me? No. Not really. +Me? No. Not really. Smart. Hard as hell to handicap. You know what I like? Hai Alai. Fast game. You know why I like it? +Smart. Hard as hell to handicap. You know what I like? Hai Alai. Fast game. You know why I like it? Why? +Why? It's fixed. That's the only way to win. A sure thing. See that horse. The blaze. +It's fixed. That's the only way to win. A sure thing. See that horse. The blaze. This one? +This one? Yeah. The blaze. I bought her in '66. Hired a trainer, stall, whatever it was. That horse made me over a hundred grand. In 'sixties' dollars. You know what that is today? +Yeah. The blaze. I bought her in '66. Hired a trainer, stall, whatever it was. That horse made me over a hundred grand. In 'sixties' dollars. You know what that is today? Pshhh... +Pshhh... A million. Easy. +A million. Easy. She was fast, huh? +She was fast, huh? Never won a race. But it got me in with the trainer. We'd have a thing, I don't remember, some fucking thing. The jockey would raise his whip, it meant the fix was in, we'd all go running. People get greedy. First they bet small, they keep their mouth shut. Within a month's time, everyone and their brother was in on it. The odds would drop, I mean you could watch the goddamn board. It looked like a fuckin stopwatch, the odds would drop so fast. +Never won a race. But it got me in with the trainer. We'd have a thing, I don't remember, some fucking thing. The jockey would raise his whip, it meant the fix was in, we'd all go running. People get greedy. First they bet small, they keep their mouth shut. Within a month's time, everyone and their brother was in on it. The odds would drop, I mean you could watch the goddamn board. It looked like a fuckin stopwatch, the odds would drop so fast. That's why they call it the smart money. +I like you, kid. Why do you gotta make it so hard for me to take care of you? Mr. Reuben, I swear to God, they were out of line. +Mr. Reuben, I swear to God, they were out of line. Last time, maybe, with the Puerto Ricans, but these were nice Jewish boys. +Last time, maybe, with the Puerto Ricans, but these were nice Jewish boys. They were out of line -- +They were out of line -- They're fucking yeshiva buchas. You didn't have to tear up the goddamn place. You knocked out a guys teeth. +They're fucking yeshiva buchas. You didn't have to tear up the goddamn place. You knocked out a guys teeth. That prick tried to get Jessica to blow him in the bathroom -- +That prick tried to get Jessica to blow him in the bathroom -- Bobby, I love Jessica like she's my own daughter. I would kill anyone so much as lays a finger on her or her beautiful daughter, but that fucking pisher you socked in the mouth has the most expensive dentist in Beverly Hills and wants I should buy him an implant. Your silverback horseshit's gonna cost me eight grand. +Bobby, I love Jessica like she's my own daughter. I would kill anyone so much as lays a finger on her or her beautiful daughter, but that fucking pisher you socked in the mouth has the most expensive dentist in Beverly Hills and wants I should buy him an implant. Your silverback horseshit's gonna cost me eight grand. I'll work it off. +I'll work it off. Not driving Jess, you won't. +Not driving Jess, you won't. What? +What? You're not driving Jess no more. Two strikes, Bobby, and this last one was big. The bachelor's father goes to my schul. +You're not driving Jess no more. Two strikes, Bobby, and this last one was big. The bachelor's father goes to my schul. So, that's it. I'm out? +So, that's it. I'm out? I didn't say that. +I didn't say that. Then what are you saying? +Then what are you saying? Bobby. You're a bull terrier and I got you herding sheep. +Bobby. You're a bull terrier and I got you herding sheep. I don't understand. +I don't understand. It's my fault. I send you out to watch scum drool all over the love of your life, then I wonder why you seered. It's my fault. The tooth is on me. But no more. I'm 'reassigning' you. +It's my fault. I send you out to watch scum drool all over the love of your life, then I wonder why you seered. It's my fault. The tooth is on me. But no more. I'm 'reassigning' you. I don't want to drive another girl, Max. The only reason I'm -- +I don't want to drive another girl, Max. The only reason I'm -- Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? This ain't a fucking democracy. You want out? +Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? This ain't a fucking democracy. You want out? No. +No. Don't I put food on you're table? I sponsor your training, I take care of your girl and her little baby. I even pay that deadbeat friend of yours to push a goddamn broom. +Don't I put food on you're table? I sponsor your training, I take care of your girl and her little baby. I even pay that deadbeat friend of yours to push a goddamn broom. I know. +I know. Now you wanna shut up and listen and hear what I got to say? +Now you wanna shut up and listen and hear what I got to say? Yeah. Sorry. +Yeah. Sorry. I got a way we make everybody happy. +I got a way we make everybody happy. Yeah. +Yeah. We try something out. There's someone I'm in business with named Ruiz. I want you to accompany him on a drop. Just as scenery. Ruiz has his boys. I just want a big guinea with a busted up face to give him a deep bench. As a deterrent. +We try something out. There's someone I'm in business with named Ruiz. I want you to accompany him on a drop. Just as scenery. Ruiz has his boys. I just want a big guinea with a busted up face to give him a deep bench. As a deterrent. Ruiz knows about this? +Ruiz knows about this? Ruiz wants to go alone, but it's not up to Ruiz. It's up to me, and I like a sure thing. Just go and we're square on the tooth. +Ruiz wants to go alone, but it's not up to Ruiz. It's up to me, and I like a sure thing. Just go and we're square on the tooth. What about Ricky? He'd jump at the opportunity. +What about Ricky? He'd jump at the opportunity. Ricky? Ricky 'I lost the truck' Ricky? +Ricky? Ricky 'I lost the truck' Ricky? You told him you liked him. +You told him you liked him. That was before he lost my carpet cleaning van. +That was before he lost my carpet cleaning van. He'll work it off. +He'll work it off. I don't know the kid, and what little I do scares me. +I don't know the kid, and what little I do scares me. He's good people, Mr. Reuben. I swear. +He's good people, Mr. Reuben. I swear. You vouch for him? +Yeah. Sure. How 'bout this. If you're in, he's in. +How 'bout this. If you're in, he's in. I gotta tell you, Mr. Reuben, I'm not comfortable getting in any deeper. It's one thing to look after Jess... +I gotta tell you, Mr. Reuben, I'm not comfortable getting in any deeper. It's one thing to look after Jess... You're ready to move up. Christ, the way you busted up the place, you're doing worse already. May as well get paid instead of punished. +You're ready to move up. Christ, the way you busted up the place, you're doing worse already. May as well get paid instead of punished. It's not that I don't appreciate the offer... +It's not that I don't appreciate the offer... Do me a favor. Think about it. Is that too much too ask? +Do me a favor. Think about it. Is that too much too ask? No. Okay. I'll think about it. +Yes, for expenses and such. Now, you'll be contacted on your pager as to where you should go. You each have been given an extra battery, so there is absolutely no excuse as to why a page would not be immediately returned. Am I making myself abundantly clear? Yeah. +Yes. What is it? +What is it? You want -- +You want -- Not you. I want Ricky to answer. +I already told you, I parked it for five minutes and I locked it with the club -- You want us to be wherever you want us to be, ASAP, no questions asked. +You want us to be wherever you want us to be, ASAP, no questions asked. Yes. Goodbye. +There won't be a next thing. Take a few days -- +Take a few days -- I don't need a few days. I'm gonna settle down with Jess. She's through dancing. We're opening a restaurant. +I don't need a few days. I'm gonna settle down with Jess. She's through dancing. We're opening a restaurant. I hate to ruin your fairy tale, but I've been paying Jess' rent for six months. She's got to keep dancing -- +That's him. Now you all know the drill, right? What drill? +'Dis?' 'Dis?' You're not in a position to 'dis', or 'give props', or whatever your Real World sense of fucking decorum tells you to do. You're nothing. You're wallpaper. You're not here to make fucking friends. Asking a motherfucker where he lives. And who the fuck told you 'Red Dragon'?. We get it. We're sorry. +We get it. We're sorry. Now that Limey motherfucker's jumpy and wants to change shit around on me. Maxie's gonna shit a Nokia when he hears about... Aw, shit, I better call him before he hears. +Jesus Christ, where the fuck you been all night? You look like you got shit out in the gorilla house. Good morning. +Don't 'easy Ruiz' me. Y'all turned a Easter egg hunt into a butt-fuck-a- thon. Bring me four eggs Benedict and a mimosa. You all want mimosas? Nah, man... +A bad heart. I didn't tell him shit. He worries too much. I love that old Jew, but he's gonna kill himself worrying. We started this shit, and we're gonna finish it. +What's the plan? Tom, the Welsh dude -- +Now listen. The gig couldn't be simpler. You carry the money to the Welshman, he checks it, hands you his marker, you're done. The washed money goes directly to Maxie. Long as you hand off the bag, you're tight. Where's the drop? +Where's the drop? You three are gonna meet him for dinner. Find out if and where. Now any of you motherfuckers got anything else to say? +Hi. I, uh, think that's us. Hi. I'm Jimmy. +Hi. I'm Jimmy. Bobby. +What's that? You're going to the Soho Grand hotel, right? +You're going to the Soho Grand hotel, right? I'm not sure. All I know is the account is Cardiff Giant. +I'm not sure. All I know is the account is Cardiff Giant. Yeah. You're staying at the Soho Grand. You got anything checked? +Yeah. You're staying at the Soho Grand. You got anything checked? Nah. +Nah. Traveling light. I like that. +Where is the Soho Grand? Soho. +So, Jimmy, you know where this address is? Yeah. I'll find it. It's in Harlem. +Yeah. I'll find it. It's in Harlem. Harlem? What is it, a restaurant? +Harlem? What is it, a restaurant? You don't know where you're going? +You don't know where you're going? No. Just the cross streets. +No. Just the cross streets. Well, this is the corner. +I can wait around if you want. No. That's cool, man. +Spa? Yeah. +Yeah. Depends what night. +'Trustafarians?' You know, white kids with trust funds acting like they're poor. Keeping it real. Know what I mean? +This Ruiz guy, what's his deal? Don't know much. I hear he runs a tight ship. +Don't know much. I hear he runs a tight ship. Yeah? +Yeah? Understand me? +Understand me? Yeah. +Aren't we waiting for Ricky? Ricky's taken care of. +Ricky's taken care of. Taken care of? +Taken care of? Yeah, he's getting there on his own. +Yeah... Mmmm, that sounds good... Uhu... Excuse me, we need to make a call. +Excuse me, we need to make a call. I'm on the phone. +I'm on the phone. It's important. +It's important. So's this. Hey baby... Oh, nothing. What were you saying? +So's this. Hey baby... Oh, nothing. What were you saying? Listen, man, we really gotta... +Listen, man, we really gotta... I be off in a minute. Say again...? +We're with Ruiz. Ruiz isn't here. +Ruiz isn't here. We're supposed to meet him here. Is Ruiz on the list? +We're supposed to meet him here. Is Ruiz on the list? Ruiz is always on the list. He just ain't here, though. +Ruiz is always on the list. He just ain't here, though. Can you check? +Can you check? He's not here. +Sorry, man, but... Thanks a lot. Don't worry about it. +Thanks a lot. Don't worry about it. Any time, bro. +Any time, bro. Thanks. +Did Max mention anything about any jobs? What about boxing? +What about boxing? What about it? +What about it? What are you saying? +What are you saying? You said if you didn't have a winning record after eleven fights, you'd talk to Max. +You said if you didn't have a winning record after eleven fights, you'd talk to Max. So? +So? So, it was a draw. +So, it was a draw. Yeah, I'm 5-5 and 1. +Yeah, I'm 5-5 and 1. So, it's not a winning record. +So, it's not a winning record. It's not losing record. +It's not losing record. That's not what you said. You said if you didn't have a winning record -- +That's not what you said. You said if you didn't have a winning record -- Don't be shitty. +Don't be shitty. How am I being shitty? +How am I being shitty? Don't be shitty. +Don't be shitty. I wouldn't keep bugging you, but you said he said he would have a job for us. +I wouldn't keep bugging you, but you said he said he would have a job for us. I'm not gonna bring it up to him. +I'm not gonna bring it up to him. Of course I don't want you to bring it up to him... But if it comes up... +Of course I don't want you to bring it up to him... But if it comes up... I'll page you. +I'll page you. Yeah. Page me. You know the number? +Yeah. Page me. You know the number? Yeah. I know the number. +Yeah. I know the number. Cause if you don't know the number, I can page you with the number so you'll have the number. +Cause if you don't know the number, I can page you with the number so you'll have the number. I know the number. +I know the number. I'll page you with the number. I'll see you later. What time you done? +I'll page you with the number. I'll see you later. What time you done? I got no idea. +I got no idea. Ask if he said anything to her. +Ask if he said anything to her. I will. +I will. I'll page you with the number. +I'll page you with the number. Bye. +So I'm like, 'Maybe I'm not on the list cause I'm not a fuckin Persian.' I thought you hate that club. +I thought you hate that club. I do. It's a fuckin Persian Palace. +I do. It's a fuckin Persian Palace. Then why do you try to get in? +Then why do you try to get in? Fuck them. +Fuck them. Shhh... +Come on, man. Not with the owners here. Hey, baby... Nothing. What are you doing...? Yeah, I'll probably cut out early... +We need guns. We don't need guns. +We don't need guns. I think we might. +I think we might. He didn't say we need guns. +He didn't say we need guns. He implied it. +He implied it. You don't imply about something like that. You lay it out on the table. Besides, I'm not taking the job. +This is the opportunity of a lifetime. What are you? Nuts? You've been waiting for this kind of opportunity. No. You've been waiting for this kind of opportunity. +No. You've been waiting for this kind of opportunity. Damn right, I have. You think I like living on fucking Yucca? We do a good job on this, we're in. +Damn right, I have. You think I like living on fucking Yucca? We do a good job on this, we're in. What happened to boxing? I thought we made a vow. +What happened to boxing? I thought we made a vow. Shit. Who we kidding? I know I suck, and I held you up for ten rounds -- +Shit. Who we kidding? I know I suck, and I held you up for ten rounds -- Bullshit... +Bullshit... Please. I got three inches on you. You wouldn't have landed a punch if I didn't let you. +Please. I got three inches on you. You wouldn't have landed a punch if I didn't let you. You wanna go right now? +You wanna go right now? I'll beat your ass -- +Sorry coach. Sorry coach. +We look good this year. We'll kill Fairfax this year. +We'll kill Fairfax this year. I still can't believe you missed the fucking team bus. +I still can't believe you missed the fucking team bus. Fuck him. +Fuck him. Your first start at DB, it's against Fairfax, and you miss the fucking bus. +Your first start at DB, it's against Fairfax, and you miss the fucking bus. What are we delivering? +What are we delivering? We're not delivering shit. Ruiz is delivering something, and whatever it is is his business. +We're not delivering shit. Ruiz is delivering something, and whatever it is is his business. Who is this fucking Ruiz? +Who is this fucking Ruiz? Maxie says he runs a tight ship. I wouldn't fuck with him. +Maxie says he runs a tight ship. I wouldn't fuck with him. Some Mexican? How much could he weigh? A buck fifty, tops? I'd kick his fucking ass. +Some Mexican? How much could he weigh? A buck fifty, tops? I'd kick his fucking ass. I gotta pick up the baby. +I gotta pick up the baby. Why do you always get stuck taking care of the kid. +Why do you always get stuck taking care of the kid. I like it. +I like it. It's not even yours. +It's not even yours. I like it. +Nice work. Shhh... Yeah, yeah... No. No. I'll be there. You gotta get me to the Magic Castle at four. +Shhh... Yeah, yeah... No. No. I'll be there. You gotta get me to the Magic Castle at four. How'd you unlock my phone? +How'd you unlock my phone? I tried your ATM PIN. I gotta kill an hour. Let's grab a beer. +I tried your ATM PIN. I gotta kill an hour. Let's grab a beer. Seat belt. +No, man. It wrinkles my shit. Let's grab a fuckin beer -- C'mon, man, not in front of the baby. Put on your seat belt before I get another ticket. +C'mon, man, not in front of the baby. Put on your seat belt before I get another ticket. Jesus Christ, fine. Alright? +Jesus Christ, fine. Alright? See? Now everyone's got one on. What do you got there? +Why can't we just grab a goddamn beer. I promised Chloe we'd come here. +I promised Chloe we'd come here. Oh, give me a break. Look at her. She don't even know where the hell she is. She'd have more fun at Bordner's. +Oh, give me a break. Look at her. She don't even know where the hell she is. She'd have more fun at Bordner's. I'm not taking her to a bar. +I'm not taking her to a bar. Why not? I grew up in bars. It's fun for a kid. +What? Did she say something? She wants you to paint the ashtray. +She wants you to paint the ashtray. I'm not painting the fu --, I'm not painting the ashtray. And frogs aren't purple. +Max won't let me drive Jess to dance anymore. Who's driving her? +Who's driving her? I don't know. +I don't know. This paint sucks. The white shows through. +Right here's fine. Is that the woman from..? +Is that the woman from..? She really liked the kitchen. +It's ours. To keep? +Holy shit. Can you believe this? Pretty nice. +Pretty nice. See, man. Maxie fuckin takes care of you when you're in. Beats cleaning carpets. +See, man. Maxie fuckin takes care of you when you're in. Beats cleaning carpets. What's the movie? +What's the movie? I'll get the girl. +I'll get the girl. Nah, don't bother -- +You hear that? You can drink as much as you want up here. We're not supposed to get drunk. We're on call. +We're not supposed to get drunk. We're on call. Unless we're supposed to whack out the fuckin' pilot, I don't think we're gonna have to work in the next five hours. +Unless we're supposed to whack out the fuckin' pilot, I don't think we're gonna have to work in the next five hours. I don't want to show up hammered. We're supposed to be representing Max. +I don't want to show up hammered. We're supposed to be representing Max. Oh, I'll represent alright. +Shit. No new pages. I don't even know where the fuck we're supposed to go. Maybe we should call for a cab. +Maybe we should call for a cab. No. Look. There. +'Cardiff Giant.' That's us. You sure? +You sure? Yeah. He said that's our account with the car service. +Who you calling? Shhh... Hello, room service? +Shhh... Hello, room service? C'mon, man... +C'mon, man... Yeah, bring up two burgers and a couple of Heinekens. I'm in room... How'd you know? Oh. Yeah. How long? Cool. +Yeah, bring up two burgers and a couple of Heinekens. I'm in room... How'd you know? Oh. Yeah. How long? Cool. How much is it? +How much is it? How much? Okay. Make it fifteen minutes and you can add on a ten dollar tip. Bye. +How much? Okay. Make it fifteen minutes and you can add on a ten dollar tip. Bye. How much was it? +How much was it? Forty-six. +Forty-six. Jesus, man. Plus ten? +Jesus, man. Plus ten? Yeah, I guess. +Yeah, I guess. Great. On my fucking room. +Great. On my fucking room. Relax. You got one-fifty. You heard the guy. +Relax. You got one-fifty. You heard the guy. Ricky, who knows how long we're gonna have to be here. We gotta make it last. +Ricky, who knows how long we're gonna have to be here. We gotta make it last. Fine. I'll put it on my room. Okay? +Fine. I'll put it on my room. Okay? Don't worry about it. Just be smart. +Don't worry about it. Just be smart. But let me tell you, man, I don't like your attitude already. +But let me tell you, man, I don't like your attitude already. Oh really. Why's that? +Oh really. Why's that? We just got moved up in the world. You gotta let go of that blue collar mentality that was drummed into your head. You gotta start owning it man, or they'll smell you a mile away like a cheap suit. +We just got moved up in the world. You gotta let go of that blue collar mentality that was drummed into your head. You gotta start owning it man, or they'll smell you a mile away like a cheap suit. Who's gonna smell me a mile away? +Who's gonna smell me a mile away? Don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about. +What are you doing? What are you doing? +What are you doing? I know you're not calling Jimmy. +I know you're not calling Jimmy. As a matter of fact I was. You got a problem with that? +As a matter of fact I was. You got a problem with that? We're here representing Max. You're acting like a Puerto Rican on the fifteenth of the month. +We're here representing Max. You're acting like a Puerto Rican on the fifteenth of the month. You think Maxie doesn't want us to roll hard? Why do you think he gave us all this bread? Or the number on the pager? We gotta represent him by showing some class. The man's got an operation. How does it reflect on him if we nickel and dime it? +It's on West Broadway. We can walk. Well, I don't want to walk. +Shit. It's thirty-five cents. You got a dime? Fuck... +What exactly did they say? They said a hundred thirty-fifth and Twelfth. +They said a hundred thirty-fifth and Twelfth. They didn't say an address? +They didn't say an address? I told you what they said. +I told you what they said. Nothing else. +Nothing else. Nothing. +Nothing. How'd they know who you were? +How'd they know who you were? They asked who it was. +They asked who it was. So they said more than the address. +So they said more than the address. No. They asked who I was, then told me what corner. +No. They asked who I was, then told me what corner. This is bullshit, man. +This is bullshit, man. What the fuck do you... +What the fuck do you have to complain about? Don't even start. +Don't even start. No. Tell me. What's so fucking horrible about this gig? You've been crawling up my ass for six months to get your name on Maxie's list, and here we are. +No. Tell me. What's so fucking horrible about this gig? You've been crawling up my ass for six months to get your name on Maxie's list, and here we are. Look, man, I never met Ruiz, okay? I don't know what the fuck I'm picking up, what the fuck I'm dropping off, who the fuck I'm meeting. All I know is Maxie's still pissed at me cause I sold his fucking van. +Look, man, I never met Ruiz, okay? I don't know what the fuck I'm picking up, what the fuck I'm dropping off, who the fuck I'm meeting. All I know is Maxie's still pissed at me cause I sold his fucking van. You sold it? I thought they stole it. +You sold it? I thought they stole it. Sold it, stole it, whatever... +Sold it, stole it, whatever... Motherfucker... +Motherfucker... Oh, give me a break. Don't tell me you feel bad for the guy. +Oh, give me a break. Don't tell me you feel bad for the guy. You gotta be kidding me. I vouched for you. +You gotta be kidding me. I vouched for you. Relax. I'll do right by him. You know that. +Relax. I'll do right by him. You know that. You just don't fucking get it, do you? +You just don't fucking get it, do you? You know he fucks all his girls, don't you? +You know he fucks all his girls, don't you? What the fuck is that supposed -- +What the fuck is that supposed -- I mean, that's what I heard -- +I mean, that's what I heard -- You got something to say -- +You know this guy? His names Horrace. Horrace, this is Ricky Slade. +This shit's sketchy. Why do they drop us in the middle of nowhere to have the guy we're supposed to meet come meet us just to tell us we have to meet the same guy somewhere else? I don't know. +I don't know. Well, I thought you understood and I was just missing it. +Well, I thought you understood and I was just missing it. Missing what? He didn't say shit. +Missing what? He didn't say shit. Yeah, but you know Horrace. What did you get off him? +Yeah, but you know Horrace. What did you get off him? What did I 'get?' +What did I 'get?' Yeah. What vibe? +Yeah. What vibe? I detected no vibe other than that Ruiz thinks you're a fucking idiot. +I detected no vibe other than that Ruiz thinks you're a fucking idiot. Yo, fuck him, man. Calling us guineas... +Yo, fuck him, man. Calling us guineas... What do you give a shit what he calls us? He's not our friend. Let's just get this shit over with and go home. What's this place we're going to, Jimmy? +So is this the drop? Like I said, I don't know. +Like I said, I don't know. He woulda told us right? +He woulda told us right? You would think. +Yeah. So we're working? +You happy? About what? +About what? Why you gotta make everything difficult? +Why you gotta make everything difficult? You too? +You too? Yeah, me too. You're a fucking bull in a china shop. +Yeah, me too. You're a fucking bull in a china shop. Fuck this. +Where do you think you're going? Back in. +Back in. You fucking nuts? +You fucking nuts? Work's over. I'm gonna party. +Work's over. I'm gonna party. You can't go in there. They know you're with Ruiz. +You can't go in there. They know you're with Ruiz. You got that right. +You got that right. Fuck you. Go then. I'm taking the car. +Fuck you. Go then. I'm taking the car. Fine. +Look who's back? Want some champagne? Do not put this on Ruiz's tab. Start a new one. +Do not put this on Ruiz's tab. Start a new one. Damn right. Bring us two bottles of Dom Champs and here, take fifty in case I call you bitch later when I'm drunk. Siddown, motherfucker. 'Sex and paychecks.' +What the fuck's going on? Dude, get back out there. You gotta help me get them in the hot tub. Hang on girls! Just get out there. I'll be right out. You know how I do. +Dude, get back out there. You gotta help me get them in the hot tub. Hang on girls! Just get out there. I'll be right out. You know how I do. Yeah, I know how you do. I know how you do. I've heard your kibbles and bits all fucking night. You've been shaking your ass like an unemployed clown. How the room's a boiling pot of sugar water. How you're gonna dip a string into it and make rockcandy. Who wants to play 'Just the tip?' Dancing around like a smacked ass. Oh, and that coat check girl you've been dragging around as 'insurance' doesn't even speak English. +What the hell did you do? I swear to God, I didn't do anything. +What the fuck was that about? She was jonesing for me. +Hi. It's Ruiz. Yeah. So the driver knows where to go? When? We'll be down in five. No, I'll tell him. He's right there. Bye. What's up? +What's up? He wants to see us now. +He wants to see us now. Where? +Where? He said it's being arranged. He said Jimmy will know. +He said it's being arranged. He said Jimmy will know. We're getting whacked. +We're getting whacked. We're not getting whacked. +We're not getting whacked. Why else you think he won't tell us where the sit down is? +Why else you think he won't tell us where the sit down is? It's not a 'sit down.' He said he's telling us the plan. +What are you doing. I got a bad feeling, man. I don't want to go in naked. +I got a bad feeling, man. I don't want to go in naked. You gonna shank him in the shower? +You gonna shank him in the shower? Is it so unrealistic to think Ruiz, who doesn't even want us here, is throwing us to the wolves? As an apology? And I don't even know what we're dropping off or picking up -- +Is it so unrealistic to think Ruiz, who doesn't even want us here, is throwing us to the wolves? As an apology? And I don't even know what we're dropping off or picking up -- We're getting ahead of ourselves. We haven't gotten any sleep. Let's just keep our mouthes shut and not make any mistakes. Now hurry up and get your shit on so we're not late and make things worse. +Put that shit out... C'mon, man... +C'mon, man... I swear to God, I'll fucking puke. +I swear to God, I'll fucking puke. Hey, Jimmy, where they taking us? +Hey, Jimmy, where they taking us? Yeah. Where they gonna whack us? +Nothing, man. You want us strapped, don't you? +Let's do it. I'm your soldier. +Let's check out the penguins. The what? +The what? The penguin house. +The penguin house. Wait a minute. You want to look at fucking penguins now? +Wait a minute. You want to look at fucking penguins now? Yeah. Let's look at the penguins. +Yeah. Let's look at the penguins. Did you hear what he just said? +Did you hear what he just said? Whatever. We're here. We may as well go to the penguin house. +Whatever. We're here. We may as well go to the penguin house. I'm tired and I'm scared, and I'm not looking at fucking penguins. +We need guns. We don't need guns. +We don't need guns. I'm pretty sure we do. +I'm pretty sure we do. I listened extremely carefully. Nothing was even vaguely implied. He even laughed in your face when you asked him +I listened extremely carefully. Nothing was even vaguely implied. He even laughed in your face when you asked him All the more reason. +All the more reason. You wouldn't even know where to get one. +You wouldn't even know where to get one. Wanna bet? +Wanna bet? You couldn't even get a hand job from bridge and tunnel posse, how you gonna get a gun? +You couldn't even get a hand job from bridge and tunnel posse, how you gonna get a gun? That's cause you decided to get all tired all of a sudden. +That's cause you decided to get all tired all of a sudden. It was six in the fucking morning. +It was six in the fucking morning. Float me a hundred bucks. +Float me a hundred bucks. Why? +Why? You wanna see how fast I get a gun? +You wanna see how fast I get a gun? You're out of money? +You're out of money? No. +No. What do you have left? +What do you have left? Eighty. +Eighty. Eighty bucks?!? +Eighty bucks?!? Eighty five. +Eighty five. What happened to the fifteen hundred? +What happened to the fifteen hundred? You coulda picked up a tab every once in a while. +You coulda picked up a tab every once in a while. I did! I paid for half the fuckin drinks! +I did! I paid for half the fuckin drinks! You did? +You did? Yes I did. You asshole! What about the room? +Yes I did. You asshole! What about the room? What about it? +What about it? They only cover one fifty in incidentals. You've been ordering fucking... Motherfucker... +Calm down. I fucking vouched for you. I vouched for you and you fucked me. +I fucking vouched for you. I vouched for you and you fucked me. This shit's peanuts compared to what we're gonna make with Maxie. +This shit's peanuts compared to what we're gonna make with Maxie. Ricky. I'm trying to save this money. Understand? I'm trying to make it so my girlfriend doesn't have to grind her ass into other men's erections so her daughter can go to private school. +Ricky. I'm trying to save this money. Understand? I'm trying to make it so my girlfriend doesn't have to grind her ass into other men's erections so her daughter can go to private school. I'm sorry... +I'm sorry... This is horseshit. It coulda been so easy. +This is horseshit. It coulda been so easy. It's gonna be fine. +It's gonna be fine. No more, man. +No more, man. Let's get some sleep. That's what we need, man. Sleep. +Let's get some sleep. That's what we need, man. Sleep. How we gonna sleep? We only got a few hours til dinner. +How we gonna sleep? We only got a few hours til dinner. So what do we do? +So what do we do? Let's just go now and wait. +Let's just go now and wait. Three and a half hours? +Three and a half hours? I don't want to take any more chances. +I don't want to take any more chances. Let's just go get guns, I'd feel better. +Let's just go get guns, I'd feel better. Don't fuck around. You're gonna get us all killed. +Don't fuck around. You're gonna get us all killed. Think about it: You knocked out that Jewish kid's tooth, cost him eight grand, maybe more. Maybe lost his whole line of clientele? He knows you're fucking up Jess' dancing, and I got a feeling he knows I stole his carpet cleaning van by the way he looks at me. He can't kill us in LA cause that leads to too many questions. So he flies us out here first class for a 'drop' that's turned into whatever? He can make us disappear out here real nice... +Think about it: You knocked out that Jewish kid's tooth, cost him eight grand, maybe more. Maybe lost his whole line of clientele? He knows you're fucking up Jess' dancing, and I got a feeling he knows I stole his carpet cleaning van by the way he looks at me. He can't kill us in LA cause that leads to too many questions. So he flies us out here first class for a 'drop' that's turned into whatever? He can make us disappear out here real nice... Where do you get this shit? +Where do you get this shit? Scenario B. I think I'm getting under Ruiz's skin. I'm no dummy. He doesn't like how it went down with the Red Drag -- Welshman, whatever. Now I got Fruitpie the Magician telling me I can't call my man Max? And that Welshman's sketchy. Whatever, I don't know where it's coming, which way it's coming from, I'm telling you one thing right now, I'm not gonna be late for the dance. +Scenario B. I think I'm getting under Ruiz's skin. I'm no dummy. He doesn't like how it went down with the Red Drag -- Welshman, whatever. Now I got Fruitpie the Magician telling me I can't call my man Max? And that Welshman's sketchy. Whatever, I don't know where it's coming, which way it's coming from, I'm telling you one thing right now, I'm not gonna be late for the dance. You're not getting a gun. +Look. They're together. You telling me this ain't a set-up? Easy... +Holy shit. Get me back to Manhattan. Take us right to Kennedy. Now. +Dude, we were practically made... I'll drop you off in a minute. I want to see if the baby's up. You wanna come in? +I'll drop you off in a minute. I want to see if the baby's up. You wanna come in? No. I'll wait here. +No. I'll wait here. I'll be a minute. +Hey, boys. Tom. How's it going? +Tom. How's it going? Fine, fine. And you were...? +Fine, fine. And you were...? Bobby and Ricky. +Bobby and Ricky. Right, right. The 'thugs.' +C'mon... Fuck... +We rep lines? You know? Fashion? And you grew up in Manhattan? +And you grew up in Manhattan? Kinda. Yeah. +Kinda. Yeah. What do you mean 'kinda?' +I don't wear a white wig, I don't carry a gavel. That's a good idea, maybe I will! +Where's the surprise? You want your surprise? +You want your surprise? Yeah. I want it. +Yeah. I want it. Well, come on then. It's back here. +You want to come splash around. I'm just warning you, I can't swim. +I want to leave right now. I didn't do anything -- +Watch out, man. Sorry. I'm on the list, man. Hey, bro. The line's over there. +The line's over there. Yeah, but, we're good. You know what I mean? +Yeah, but, we're good. You know what I mean? How is it you're good? You on a list? +How is it you're good? You on a list? Yeah. Ricky Slade. +Yeah. Ricky Slade. You see a Ricky Slade? +Cardiff Giant? What? +What? Cardiff Giant. Just check. +Cardiff Giant. Just check. Maybe you wanna try the China Club. +Maybe you wanna try the China Club. Again with the fucking China Club! What do I look like a fucking Persian to you? +Again with the fucking China Club! What do I look like a fucking Persian to you? Hey. I'm half Lebanese. +Did you see that shit? Motherfucker. You let in fucking Screech, dude? I'm waiting and you let in Screech? He's on the list. +He's on the list. Show me. Show me where it says Screech on the fucking list. +What's up, man. S'up. +S'up. You look big, man. Diesel. You been lifting? +You look big, man. Diesel. You been lifting? A little. +A little. You look good, man. +You look good, man. Cool. See you later. +Cool. See you later. Cool. +Yes? Yeah, uh, what's the movie? +Yeah, uh, what's the movie? It's in your copy of Hemispheres. I believe it's Mickey Blue Eyes. +It's in your copy of Hemispheres. I believe it's Mickey Blue Eyes. Ugh... +Ugh... I'll get you the list of videos, if you don't mind, I'll offer the other passengers a beverage. +I'll get you the list of videos, if you don't mind, I'll offer the other passengers a beverage. Yeah, sure. How much are they? +Yeah, sure. How much are they? How much is what? +How much is what? The videos. +The videos. You're up front. Everything's free up here. +Yes? Drinks are free, right? +Drinks are free, right? Yes. Would you care for another one? +Yes. Would you care for another one? Yes. +Yes. Where do you live? +Where do you live? Excuse me. +Excuse me. Where do you live? +Where do you live? I operate out of the Chicago O'Hare hub. Can I help you with anything else? +I operate out of the Chicago O'Hare hub. Can I help you with anything else? Yeah. Me and my boy here are gonna be in New York overnight. I want you to pass the word around to the honeys back in business class that you all got plans for tonight. I'm talkin' a California style, Tupac, gangster pool party back at the hotel. And make that drink a double. +Where's Spa. Jimmy knows. 13th Street. We'll meet you there. +How do you know it's not drugs? Maxie knows I don't go near drugs. I did a minute in Quentin for possession with intent. And it ain't now cause he woulda told me. +Maxie knows I don't go near drugs. I did a minute in Quentin for possession with intent. And it ain't now cause he woulda told me. You strapped? +You strapped? 'Strapped?' +'Strapped?' It means you got a gun? +It means you got a gun? I know what 'strapped' means, motherfucker. What the fuck you think this shit is? '21 Jump Street?' Cool out, they're coming back. Just throw up your screw face and don't speak unless spoken to. +Don't drag my ass into this -- He spoke to me. You want me to dis him? +I'm not saying shit to neither of you. Why? What I say bad? +Why? What I say bad? What the fuck, 'Red Dragon?' +What the fuck, 'Red Dragon?' What? Why am I bad? +See you later. You really in trouble? +You really in trouble? Stop. +Stop. I'll tell him someone else told me. +I'll tell him someone else told me. Just don't ask me no more shit. +The Welsh dude, sees all these niggers in perms and diamonds and shit, he gets nervous. But you motherfuckers, he just laughs. All beat up in your babaloo suit like Fruitpie the Magician. So we just go eat with him and that's gonna solve everything? +So we just go eat with him and that's gonna solve everything? Dude, you just gotta settle your shit down. You gotta go and say all that 'Red Dragon' shit. Make him think he's on Barretta. +Dude, you just gotta settle your shit down. You gotta go and say all that 'Red Dragon' shit. Make him think he's on Barretta. Like you were doing any better shucking and jiving like you were waiting for wings outside the Quick and Split. +Ow, shit... Watch it... +I'm half Irish. I don't fuck with those crazy, off- the-boat fuckin Irish. You heard of the Westies?. +And where is...? Ruiz? Oh, he ain't here. +Ruiz? Oh, he ain't here. No? +No? Nah, see, Maxie just asked him to set that shit up as a favor. He, you know, he tied in with the club. Set us up so, you know, you feel at home. +Nah, see, Maxie just asked him to set that shit up as a favor. He, you know, he tied in with the club. Set us up so, you know, you feel at home. Well, I didn't care for the club much. And, I must say, I didn't care for him either. +Well, I didn't care for the club much. And, I must say, I didn't care for him either. Well, he ain't gonna be around no more. +Well, he ain't gonna be around no more. Pity. What's say we have a drink? +No shit? Does anyone want another? +Does anyone want another? You want another drink? +Sure. Anyplace in particular? I hear the China Club is a laugh. +What do you want? A little Charlie, perhaps. +A little Charlie, perhaps. Coke? +Coke? I've heard you've got the best coke in the States. The shit back home is pants. +I've heard you've got the best coke in the States. The shit back home is pants. That shouldn't be a problem. +Sorry, mates. Now there isn't even enough to go around... Don't worry, man. It's all for you. +Don't worry, man. It's all for you. No, really, mate? +No, really, mate? Here... +Here they are, then. How's it going? +How's it going? Brilliantly. Care for a pint? +Brilliantly. Care for a pint? No, thanks, man. We got to head out. +No, thanks, man. We got to head out. Come, now. You just got here. +Come, now. You just got here. That's alright, man. It's a little early for me to drink. +Sorry about that. Where's your mate? Couldn't make it. Here's the money. +I can't yet vouch for the amount, unless you want me to sit here and count. No, man, that's fine. Just put that you took delivery. +I... I just hired these guys to watch my back... Motherfucker, we're handing you money. What the hell we gonna pull? +Yeah. Jimmy? Ruiz. Pick up Maxie's guineas at LUNA and bring them to Spa. Jimmy's bringing the car around. Me and Ho rode sleds. We'll meet you at Spa in the VIP room. +Good morning. You think this shit's funny, Ho? +You think this shit's funny, Ho? Nah, man... +Nah, man... You think it's funny, motherfucker? +Last thing I want is you with a gun. Word. +Ricky. Soho Grand, right? +Is it nice? The Soho Grand? +The Soho Grand? Yeah. +Yeah. You're from LA, right? +You're from LA, right? Yeah. +Yeah. You'll love it. +So whenever we want... Yeah. Grab one of the cards behind you. Call that number. It's my cell. +Yeah. Grab one of the cards behind you. Call that number. It's my cell. So you're our own private guy? +So you're our own private guy? I handle most of Cardiff Giant's stuff. +I handle most of Cardiff Giant's stuff. You know my pager number? +You know my pager number? No. What is it? +No. What is it? I don't know. I thought you might. Any idea what the job is? +I don't know. I thought you might. Any idea what the job is? The 'job?' Alls I know is I'm taking you to the Soho Grand. +A lot of Persians? Not usually. Mostly Trustafarians. +I call 'em wiggers. Different. +Sure. You boys want anything? Yeah, bring us four fernet. +Yeah, bring us four fernet. Four fernet. +Nigger, please. Don't even order that artichoke shit. West side guineas. Forget the drinks, Leo. We gotta roll. What do I owe you? We're square. +We're square. Thanks, man. You need anything, you call. +Thanks, man. You need anything, you call. Thanks. +Thanks. You rode? +Can I borrow a piece of -- Go ahead. Open the fuckin things. You should each find fifteen hundred -- +dollars in c-notes, a numeric pager, a double-A battery, and a first class round-trip ticket to JFK. We're going to New York? +We're going to New York? Yes. You're going to New York. +Yes. You're going to New York. And the money. Where do we bring the money? +And the money. Where do we bring the money? That money is your per diem. +That money is your per diem. And where do we bring it? +Yeah. You will not carry any other pagers with you. You will not carry anything, for that matter, that I have not just given you. +You will not carry any other pagers with you. You will not carry anything, for that matter, that I have not just given you. Keys. +Keys. What? +What? What about my keys? +What about my keys? You can carry your keys. You will not mention my name or imply that you are in my employ. You will not speak to anyone while you are working. When you are not working, you are considered to be 'on call' and available twenty-four hours a day. This means you will not get drunk or do anything that will prevent you from operating in a professional manner. There is already a number in your pager's memory. It is a car service. When they ask you what account, you will respond: 'Cardiff Giant.' They will pick you up and take you anywhere you need to go. In other words, there is no reason why you should not reach any destination that you will be called upon to reach within fifteen minutes. Do you see a pattern forming? +You can carry your keys. You will not mention my name or imply that you are in my employ. You will not speak to anyone while you are working. When you are not working, you are considered to be 'on call' and available twenty-four hours a day. This means you will not get drunk or do anything that will prevent you from operating in a professional manner. There is already a number in your pager's memory. It is a car service. When they ask you what account, you will respond: 'Cardiff Giant.' They will pick you up and take you anywhere you need to go. In other words, there is no reason why you should not reach any destination that you will be called upon to reach within fifteen minutes. Do you see a pattern forming? Yes. +I get it. Tell me. +Tell me. Don't worry. I get it. +Don't worry. I get it. So tell me how it is. +So tell me how it is. You want... Why are you picking on me? +You want... Why are you picking on me? Because you lost my fucking carpet cleaning van and I don't like you. +So, wait, what are we dropping off? Goodbye. +I never intended to test you two to that extent, but you both came through. I should've been informed there was a flag on the play, but I'll take that up with Ruiz. I made a few calls back East. Those punks weren't tied in with anyone. As for the Welshman, he wasn't in on it. He was just plain dumb. As for you, Ricky, your draw will go towards a new carpet cleaning van. But, Max -- +But, Max -- We're square. +We're square. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. And, as for you, Bobby, you just moved up a notch. Your days of fighting for crumbs is through. Take a week off, come back, and we'll talk about the next thing. +No. I'll take a strega. What, motherfucker? You drinking 'the witch' after dinner? +What, motherfucker? You drinking 'the witch' after dinner? Yeah. That fernet tastes like tar. My grandfather tried to give me that. +Yeah. That fernet tastes like tar. My grandfather tried to give me that. Some fuckin guineas he sent me. It's midnight and the motherfucker's ordering an apertif. +Some fuckin guineas he sent me. It's midnight and the motherfucker's ordering an apertif. It's a digestif. +We don't know any drill. Nobody told us anything. Maxie told you to keep your mouth shut while you're working, right? +What the fuck you think, I wanna 'hang' with you motherfuckers? Yeah you're working. And put down the champagne. She poured it for -- +She poured it for -- Far as she knows you're John Gotti. Now put the shit down and act like you got some ass. +What the fuck was you told? Don't talk, right? Unless spoken to, ain't that right, Horrace. Didn't you say that? +No... Four mimosas. You'll love them. So here's the plan. I didn't say shit to Maxie, cause the man has acute angina, and I don't want to get him all worked up. +Four mimosas. You'll love them. So here's the plan. I didn't say shit to Maxie, cause the man has acute angina, and I don't want to get him all worked up. He has a cute what...? +Who's gonna outfit us? Outfit? What's he talking about? +The Red Dragon. Shut it, man. Shut it. Tom is a square. He don't but dabble in shit. Maxie had me hook up a loan-back with him, through an Austrian passbook account. +Shut it, man. Shut it. Tom is a square. He don't but dabble in shit. Maxie had me hook up a loan-back with him, through an Austrian passbook account. So, we're talking money laundering... +So, we're talking money laundering... Will you tell Peter Jennings to shut up and fucking listen. The shit's as routine as you get. I coulda turned it over offshore in a week, but Maxie likes to do it all his way. Safe. I coulda dropped the bag alone. It's only two hundred G's. But he sent you all. So I can either send you home and tell Maxie, or we can flush the toilet one more time and hope it all goes down. +Yeah. What? +What? When all this is over and we're not working for Maxie, I'd love to run into you on the street. Why aren't you coming? +When all this is over and we're not working for Maxie, I'd love to run into you on the street. Why aren't you coming? That's none of your fucking business. +And here I thought you flew in some out of town muscle. How's it going, men? So, you must be the Red Dragon. +Well, that's news to me. The name's Tom. Mmmm-hmm. Where's the, uh, 'Dragon's lair?' Where do you live? +Mmmm-hmm. Where's the, uh, 'Dragon's lair?' Where do you live? Edinburgh. +Edinburgh. And where might that be? +And where might that be? Scotland. +Scotland. Well, word on the street is you're Welsh. +Well, word on the street is you're Welsh. I am. +I am. A rose by any other name would -- +Dip? Yeah. This shit's fucking brilliant. I just fucking love the fact that you have kids driving around in pickup trucks with a mouthful of this shit, speeding their brains out. I gotta bring a case of it home to my mates. It's illegal back home, you know. +I'll get it. Who's up for a night on the town. +Sit down. We ain't fixing to eat you. You look brand new in town. Pretty handy with a bottle. He had it coming. +What they call you? Red, and I ain't no punk. +Red, and I ain't no punk. You better not be. Cause if a cat toe you down in this town, you better stand up or make tracks. +I'm working trains. Selling. Bet you like that shit. +Bet you like that shit. Keeps me out of the army. +Keeps me out of the army. When they want your ass, won't nothing keep you out. +When they want your ass, won't nothing keep you out. Not this boy... I ain't fighting their war. I got my own. Right chere. Heard tell you're a good man to know. +Not this boy... I ain't fighting their war. I got my own. Right chere. Heard tell you're a good man to know. Heard where? +Heard where? Where I come from. Boston. +Sombitch and I ain't never been to Beantown. Man's rep travels. +Man's rep travels. How 'bout that? +You ain't bullshitting me, is you, boy? My papa taught me one thing: don't never bullshit a West Indian bullshit artist. +Is your papa West Indian? No, my mama. She's from Grenada. +No, my mama. She's from Grenada. I like you, country. +Where can I get a hold of you? YOU can't. I'll get a hold of you. +YOU can't. I'll get a hold of you. Lemme write it down for you. +Don't never write nothing down. File it up here, like I do. 'Cause if they can't find no paper they ain't got no proof. Ya dig? Yes, sir. +Did you just now con me? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Why? +Why? 'Cause I want in. And it don't take a lot to know you there, daddy. +I like your heart and I like your style. You might just do, Little. Lessen you got to git back to that train job. I done told the man what he could do with his train. +I done told the man what he could do with his train. When? +When? Just now. +You looking good, Little. Real clean. Clean as the Board of Health. But you missing something. What? +What? Frisk me, baby. Give me a real pat down. +How's it feel? Solid, daddy. +Solid, daddy. Okay, baby. Now you outfitted. You ready to tackle the street? +Okay, baby. Now you outfitted. You ready to tackle the street? Let 'em come. I'm ready. +I told you less paper, less trouble. I'm working on it. +I'm working on it. I keep all my numbers in my head. I've never written any down. +It hit? Nnnnnnn! +Ain't nuthin' in the world to give you that real deep cool. Like girl. You there? I'm there, daddy. Wheww. I'm cool enough to kill. +I'm there, daddy. Wheww. I'm cool enough to kill. Bet you are. +Sometimes you got a big ugly mouth. Yeah, and I'm putting my money where my ugly mouth is. I'm putting you back in the numbers right now. Baby, what's today? +1, 2, 8; 2, 8, 1. I git 'em all? I'll take your goddam bet. +Daddy, where's my money? What you talking? +What you talking? You owe me six big ones. +1, 2, 8 hit, didn't it? You din't have no 1, 2, 8. +You din't have no 1, 2, 8. Was you that high? Old man, I threw the slats at you. I said to combinate me. +Was you that high? Old man, I threw the slats at you. I said to combinate me. You never had it. +You never had it. The bitch was there. +Shit, what else she gonna say? Then skip it, man. But you slipping, baby. You done slipped. +Oh, sit down, man. What you tasting? I'm buying. I ain't drinking hot piss with you. Come on, Sam. +You're a damn liar. You _took_ me, you bastard, and now I'm taking you. +You _took_ me, you bastard, and now I'm taking you. It's me or you, ain't it, Pops? +It's me or you, ain't it, Pops? You know it. +You know it. I'll give you back the 600. +I'll give you back the 600. I don't want your money. +I don't want your money. I'm wearing, Archie. +I'm wearing, Archie. There's two guns on you. +And every cat's watching, ain't they? It's a toe-down. That's what it is. Walk on out. +That's what it is. Walk on out. Let Billie finish. +Let Billie finish. Now. +Take it easy, baby. That really you, Red? +You saved my life, Archie. Running me out of Harlem. When I think how close we came to gunning each other down, I have to thank Allah. I wasn't gonna shoot you, baby. It was just my rep, that's all. And don't shit me now, but did you have that number? Tell me. +I wasn't gonna shoot you, baby. It was just my rep, that's all. And don't shit me now, but did you have that number? Tell me. I don't know. It doesn't matter. The thing is we got to get you back on your feet. +I don't know. It doesn't matter. The thing is we got to get you back on your feet. Yeah. I got a couple a new angles ain't been figured yet. All I need's a stake and a chance -- +Yeah. I got a couple a new angles ain't been figured yet. All I need's a stake and a chance -- Can you use a few bucks? I ain't got much, but -- +Can you use a few bucks? I ain't got much, but -- No, man, I'm doing okay. Thanks. +No, man, I'm doing okay. Thanks. Take it easy. Lay down and don't think about it. +Take it easy. Lay down and don't think about it. Yeah. +Yeah. You could of been something, Archie, but the devil got to you. +Man live by his rep. That's a fact. What you do, boy? +Yeah, got to do something about you. You putting a hurtin' on my vision. +The dirty yellow rat bastard. Don't push it. You way ahead. You back on top. That boy loves you, man. +Don't push it. You way ahead. You back on top. That boy loves you, man. What you say? +What you say? He gave it to you, Archie. He did. +Who the hell are you? Put it in a cup of water. It's nutmeg. +Put it in a cup of water. It's nutmeg. Man, what do you want? +Man, what do you want? You need something. It's not a reefer, but it'll help some. +You need something. It's not a reefer, but it'll help some. Man, get outa my face. I ain't nobody's punk. +If you ain't trying to punk me, what's your hype? I can show you how to get out of prison. And it's no hype. +I can show you how to get out of prison. And it's no hype. Talk, daddy, I'm listening. Hey that ain't bad. You got some more? +Talk, daddy, I'm listening. Hey that ain't bad. You got some more? That's the last stuff you'll ever get from me. +That's the last stuff you'll ever get from me. What did you give it to me for then? +What did you give it to me for then? 'Cause you needed it. 'Cause you couldn't hear me without it. +You ain't lying. When you go busting your fists against a stone wall, you're not using your brains. Cause that's what the white man wants you to do. Look at you. +Putting all that poison in your hair. Man, you been locked up too long, everybody conks. All the cats. +Man, you been locked up too long, everybody conks. All the cats. Why? Why does everybody conk? +Why? Why does everybody conk? Cause I don't want to walk around with my head all nappy, looking like -- +Cause I don't want to walk around with my head all nappy, looking like -- Like what? Looking like me? Like a nigger?! Why don't you want to look like what you are? What makes you ashamed of being black? +Like what? Looking like me? Like a nigger?! Why don't you want to look like what you are? What makes you ashamed of being black? I ain't said I'm ashamed. +Leggo. I got to wash it out. Let it burn. Maybe you'll hear me then. +Sure, burn yourself, pain yourself, put all that poison into your hair, into your body -- trying to be white. Man, I don't want to hear all that. +Man, I don't want to hear all that. I thought you was smart. But you just another one of them cats strutting down the avenue in your clown suit with all that mess on you. Like a monkey. And the white man sees you and he laughs. He laughs because he knows you ain't white. +The question is, who are you? You are in the darkness, but it's not your fault. Elijah Muhammad can bring you into the light. Elijah who? +Elijah who? Elijah Muhammad can get you out of prison. Out of the prison of your mind. Maybe all you want is another fix. I thought you were smart. +What you sniffing around for? I told you I gave you your last fix. I ain't never seen a cat like you. Ain't you scared talking like that in front of an ofay? +I ain't never seen a cat like you. Ain't you scared talking like that in front of an ofay? What's he gonna do to me he ain't already done? +What's he gonna do to me he ain't already done? "You the only cat don't come on with that ""Whatcha know, daddy"" jive; and you don't cuss none." +"You the only cat don't come on with that ""Whatcha know, daddy"" jive; and you don't cuss none." I respect myself. A man cuss because he hasn't got the words to say what's on his mind. +I respect myself. A man cuss because he hasn't got the words to say what's on his mind. Tell you this: you ain't no fool. +Tell you this: you ain't no fool. Don't con me. Don't try... +Don't con me. Don't try... Okay, okay. +Okay, okay. Don't con me. +Don't con me. What do you do with your time? +What do you do with your time? I read. I study. Because the first thing a black man has to do is respect himself. Respect his body and his mind. Quit taking the white man's poison into your body: his cigarettes, his dope, his liquor, his white woman, his pork. +I read. I study. Because the first thing a black man has to do is respect himself. Respect his body and his mind. Quit taking the white man's poison into your body: his cigarettes, his dope, his liquor, his white woman, his pork. That's what Mama used to say. +That's what Mama used to say. Your mama had sense because the pig is a filthy beast: part rat, part cat, and the rest is dog. +Come on, daddy, pull my coat. What happens if you give all that up? You get sick or somethin'? I pulled a hustle once and got out of the draft. I'm telling you God's words, not no hustle. I'm talking the words of Elijah, the black man's God. I'm telling you, boy, that God is black. +I'm telling you God's words, not no hustle. I'm talking the words of Elijah, the black man's God. I'm telling you, boy, that God is black. What? Everybody knows God is White. +What? Everybody knows God is White. But everything the white man taught you, you learned. He told you you were a black heathen and you believed him. He told you how he took you out of darkness and brought you to the light. And you believed him. He taught you to worship a blond, blue-eyed God with white skin -- and you believed him. He told you black was a curse, you believed him. Did you ever look up the word black in the dictionary? +But everything the white man taught you, you learned. He told you you were a black heathen and you believed him. He told you how he took you out of darkness and brought you to the light. And you believed him. He taught you to worship a blond, blue-eyed God with white skin -- and you believed him. He told you black was a curse, you believed him. Did you ever look up the word black in the dictionary? What for? +What for? Did you ever study anything wasn't part of some con? +Did you ever study anything wasn't part of some con? What the hell for, man? +What the hell for, man? Go on, fool; the marble shooters are waiting for you. +Go on, fool; the marble shooters are waiting for you. Okay, okay. Show me, man. +I can't make out that shit. Soiled with dirt, foul; sullen, hostile, forbidding -- as a black day. Foully or outrageously wicked, as black cruelty. Indicating disgrace, dishonor or culpability. +That's bullshit. That's a white man's book. Ain't all these white man's books? They sure ain't no black man's books in here. +They sure ain't no black man's books in here. Then what you telling me to study in them for? +Then what you telling me to study in them for? You got to learn everything the white man says and use it against him. The truth is laying there if you smart and read behind their words. It's buried there. You got to dig it out. +You got to learn everything the white man says and use it against him. The truth is laying there if you smart and read behind their words. It's buried there. You got to dig it out. Man, how'm I gonna know the ones worth looking at? +Man, I'm studying in the man's book. I don't dig half the words. Look 'em up and and out what they mean. +Look 'em up and and out what they mean. Where am I gonna start? +Where am I gonna start? Start at the beginning. Page one, the first one. Here -- +Aardvark, noun. An earth pig; an ant- eating African mammal. Man, that sounds like the dozens. Read it and keep on reading. +Ole Pete ain't much in the head, but he can lay in there with the wood. Lemme tell you about history: black history. You listening? +You pitch, baby; I'll ketch. The first men on earth were black. They ruled and there was not one white face anywhere. But they teach us that we lived in caves and swung from trees. Black men were never like that. +Sure, white man throw us a bone and that's supposed to make us forget 400 years. A black man playing big league ball is something. +A black man playing big league ball is something. I told you to go behind the words and dig out the truth. They let us sing and dance and smile -- and now they let one black man in the majors. That don't cancel out the greatest crime in history. When that blue- eyed devil locked us in chains -- 100,000,000 of us -- broke up our families, tortured us, cut us off from our language, our religion, our history. +Little. No. That's the name of the slave- master who owned your family. You don't even know who you are. You're nothing. Less than nothing. A zero. Who are you? +I'm not Malcolm Little and I'm not Satan. Who are you? +Allah has sent us a prophet, a black man named Elijah Muhammad. For if God is black, Malcolm -- Then the devil is white. +Then the devil is white. I knew you'd hear me. The white man is the devil. All white men are devils. +I knew you'd hear me. The white man is the devil. All white men are devils. I sure met some. +I sure met some. "No. Elijah Muhammad does not say ""that white man is a devil."" He teaches us that the white man is the devil. All white men." +The body is a holy repository. I will not touch the white man's poison: his drugs, his liquor, his carrion, his women. +I will not touch the white man's poison: his drugs, his liquor, his carrion, his women. A Muslim must be strikingly upright. Outstanding. So those in the darkness can see the power of the light. +I will do it. But the key to Islam is submission. That is why twice daily we turn to Mecca, to the Holy of Holies, to pray. We bend our knees in submission. +I can't. For evil to bend its knee, admit its guilt, implore His forgiveness, is the hardest thing on earth -- +For evil to bend its knee, admit its guilt, implore His forgiveness, is the hardest thing on earth -- I want to, Bembry, but I can't. +I want to, Bembry, but I can't. -- the hardest and the greatest. +-- the hardest and the greatest. I can't. +I can't. For evil to bend its knee, admit its guilt, implore His forgiveness, is the hardest thing on earth -- +For evil to bend its knee, admit its guilt, implore His forgiveness, is the hardest thing on earth -- I want to, Bembry, but I can't. +I want to, Bembry, but I can't. -- the hardest and the greatest. +-- the hardest and the greatest. I don't know what to say to Allah. +I don't know what to say to Allah. Have you ever bent your knees, Malcolm? +Yeah. When I was picking a lock to rob somebody's house. Tell Him that. +Tell Him that. I don't know how. +I don't know how. You can grovel and crawl for sin, but not to save your soul. Pick the lock, Malcolm; pick it. +You can grovel and crawl for sin, but not to save your soul. Pick the lock, Malcolm; pick it. I want to. God knows I want to. +Brother Bembry, can we fix it so our loudspeaker is heard on the street? I'm sure we can. This is a new sister, Sister Betty. +Now about our coming up in the world a little. You're not naive. You're a man of the world. The Movement's grown; we've grown with it. You know folks. They want their leaders to be prosperous. One hand washes the other. """I'm telling you God's words, not to hustle.""" +"""I'm telling you God's words, not to hustle.""" You want a new car? You want a new house? Is that it? It's the money, right? +What can I do for you? Mr. X, I was out there tonight. I saw what you did. I want to be a Muslim. I ain't never seen a Negro stand up to the police like that. +Do you? Not exactly, but I want to be one, like you. +Not exactly, but I want to be one, like you. I admire your enthusiasm but you should never join any organization without first checking it out thoroughly. +We need more young warriors like yourself, stick around and we shall see if your heart is true. Mr. X, I won't make you out a liar. +I'll have it tomorrow. Brother Benjamin, do not rush, it has to be exact. +You are now Benjamin 2X. All praises are due to Allah. Thank you, Brother Minister. +All praises are due to Allah. Thank you, Brother Minister. Come, sit with us. +Is the program ready? No, Brother Minister. +No, Brother Minister. Why not? You've had ample time, you and the sister. +Folks are sitting out there today, not next week, expecting to hear our program. Next week, Brother Minister. +Next week, Brother Minister. Has the Reverend called? Is he going to show? +Make it plain. And now, without further remarks, I present to you one who is willing to put himself on the line for you -- +What? She ate. +Sure I'll speak to your class. But I'm a hard man on women. You want to know why? If you want to tell me. +Women talk too much. To tell a woman not to talk is like telling Jesse James not to carry a gun or a hen not to cackle. And Samson, the strongest man that ever lived, was destroyed by the woman who slept in his arms. Shall I tell my sisters that we oppose marriage? +What points? That you haven't time for either marriage or eating -- +Considering today's standards of animal raising and curing meats, I don't fully understand the restriction on pork. Let me explain. No. I'll do better than that. I'll show it to you. Scientifically. But it's demonstration purely in the interest of science, you understand? +I see your point. So it is not a matter of the breeding conditions or preparation of the meat. The meat itself is foul. +Could we sit down someplace? I'm sorry. I've had you on your feet for hours. +I'm sorry. I've had you on your feet for hours. You've been on your feet for days. And didn't even finish your salad. +That's something I haven't done in fifteen years. What? +What? Sat down with a pretty girl and had an ice cream soda. +Sat down with a pretty girl and had an ice cream soda. How do you like it? +How do you like it? Delicious. +Let's talk about you for a change. There's nothing to talk about. +There's nothing to talk about. Oh, yes, there is. I know a lot about you. Brother Bembry briefed me. +Oh, yes, there is. I know a lot about you. Brother Bembry briefed me. Oh? Purely scientific interest I'm sure. +Oh? Purely scientific interest I'm sure. You're from Detroit, near where I come from. You majored in education at Tuskegee. You're studying nursing and having trouble with your family. +You're from Detroit, near where I come from. You majored in education at Tuskegee. You're studying nursing and having trouble with your family. I can handle it. +I can handle it. They want you to quit the Muslims or they won't pay your tuition, isn't that it? +They want you to quit the Muslims or they won't pay your tuition, isn't that it? You have enough worries of your own. +You have enough worries of your own. No, good Sisters are rare. We need every one. Tell me something: how tall are you? +No, good Sisters are rare. We need every one. Tell me something: how tall are you? Why do you ask? +Why do you ask? Just an idle question. +Just an idle question. If it's just idle, I won't answer it. +But Brother Bembry says I'm tall enough for a tall man. How old are you, Betty? +How old are you, Betty? There's a few things you don't know about women, Brother Malcolm. They're possessive and vain. +There's a few things you don't know about women, Brother Malcolm. They're possessive and vain. Are you? +Are you? And dogged when I set my mind to something. +And dogged when I set my mind to something. What have you set your mind to? +What have you set your mind to? Being a good Muslim, a good nurse and a good wife. +I'm in Detroit. I know. +I know. At a gas station. Will you marry me? +At a gas station. Will you marry me? Yes. +Yes. Did you hear what I said? +Did you hear what I said? Yes I did. Did you hear my answer? +Yes I did. Did you hear my answer? I think so. Can you catch a plane? +I think so. Can you catch a plane? Yes. Did you eat? +Yes. Did you eat? I love you. +It won't be easy. Just hold me. +Just hold me. It will be rough. +It will be rough. Hush your mouth. +Hush your mouth. I'll be away a lot. +I'll be away a lot. You're with me even when you're away. +I never told you, but when I first saw you on the podium, cleaning your glasses, I felt sorry for you. Nobody as young as you should be that serious. But I don't think that anymore. What do you think? +What do you think? The simplest thing in the world: I want to have a lot of babies with you. Dear Heart, I love you. +Why are you looking at me like that? Because you're in trouble. +Because you're in trouble. How do you know? +I don't want to bring my troubles home. You know that. I'm not made of glass. +I'm not made of glass. I just want to sit here and be still. +I just want to sit here and be still. We've never had a fight. Not a real one. But we're going to have one right now if you don't talk about it. +We've never had a fight. Not a real one. But we're going to have one right now if you don't talk about it. Talk about what? +Talk about what? The talk is everywhere! +The talk is everywhere! There's always talk, always been talk, and always will be talk. Don't they say how I'm trying to take over the Nation, how I'm getting rich off the Nation? +There's always talk, always been talk, and always will be talk. Don't they say how I'm trying to take over the Nation, how I'm getting rich off the Nation? We'll get to that, too, but this isn't just talk any more. +"""Los Angeles, UPI: Elijah Muhammad, 67-year-old leader of the Black Muslim Movement, today faced paternity suits from two former secretaries who charged he fathered their four children...""" There are always slanders, always lies. You're reading the devil's lies. Can't you see they're trying to bring us down, bring down the Messenger. +There are always slanders, always lies. You're reading the devil's lies. Can't you see they're trying to bring us down, bring down the Messenger. """Both women, in their 20's, charged they had had intimacies with Elijah Muhammad since 1957...""" +"""Both women, in their 20's, charged they had had intimacies with Elijah Muhammad since 1957...""" I was going to talk to Bembry about it tonight. +I was going to talk to Bembry about it tonight. To Bembry? Is Bembry your friend? +To Bembry? Is Bembry your friend? Woman, have you lost your mind? What's the matter with you? +"No, what's the matter with you? Wake up! Are you so dedicated that you have blinded yourself? Are you so committed you cannot face the truth? Bembry is the editor of the newspaper you established. Ask him why your name hasn't been in ""Muhammad Speaks"" in over a year? Ask him why you rate front page in every paper in the country, but not a single sentence in your own." I'm not interested in personal publicity. Our people know what I'm doing. +I'm not interested in personal publicity. Our people know what I'm doing. Do you know what Bembry is doing? You're so blind, everyone can see this but you!!! +Do you know what Bembry is doing? You're so blind, everyone can see this but you!!! Bembry saved my Life. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad saved my life. +Bembry saved my Life. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad saved my life. A long time ago. You've repaid them many times over. Ask them why they have new cars and houses full of new furniture. +A long time ago. You've repaid them many times over. Ask them why they have new cars and houses full of new furniture. Is that what this is about? Material wealth? +Is that what this is about? Material wealth? What do we have, Malcolm. A broken- down jalopy and the clothes on our backs. We don't even own our own home. What about our children? What about me? You don't even own life insurance. +What do we have, Malcolm. A broken- down jalopy and the clothes on our backs. We don't even own our own home. What about our children? What about me? You don't even own life insurance. The Nation will provide for you and the children if anything happens to me. +The Nation will provide for you and the children if anything happens to me. Will they? Are you sure? Are you sure or are you blind? +Dear heart, you have to help me. I'm raising our kids practically by myself, while you're running all over the world. You don't know how many times the girls ask me when is daddy coming home? What do you want me to do? Our people need me. +What do you want me to do? Our people need me. We need you too! +We need you too! What do you want me to do? +What do you want me to do? Open your eyes, you can face death 24 hours a day; but the possibility of betrayal never enters your mind. If you won't do that for yourself do it for us. +Get some sleep. You have to sleep for three. +I'm sorry. I haven't been the best husband or father. Shhh! +Shhh! Families shouldn't be separated. I'll never make another long trip without you and the kids. We'll all be together. +Families shouldn't be separated. I'll never make another long trip without you and the kids. We'll all be together. Dear heart, I love you. +Dear heart, I love you. We had the best organization that black people ever had and niggers ruined it. +Stop calling us. Leave us alone. Leave us alone. I'll kill you. I'll kill you. Betty it's me. It's me. +Malcolm, they keep calling, threatening us. I'm going crazy, when is this going to stop? Don't answer the phone. It's all right. It's all right. Nothing is gonna happen to anybody. +Don't answer the phone. It's all right. It's all right. Nothing is gonna happen to anybody. Dear heart, where are you? +Dear heart, where are you? At the Hilton. The girls asleep? +At the Hilton. The girls asleep? I just put them to bed. Can we come to the meeting tomorrow? +I just put them to bed. Can we come to the meeting tomorrow? I don't think that's such a good idea. +I want to also, but until we are instructed by the Messenger to do so, we will just wait and pray. I'm tired of praying. +I'm tired of praying. That's enough, Brother Earl. +I don't care about myself, my wife and four children were sleeping in their beds, they have nothing to do with this. Let's get out of this cold. +Brother Earl. Malcolm, where are you? We've been calling all over the city. +I'm gonna try and get some work done tonight. Let some of us come down there. +Let some of us come down there. No, that won't be necessary. I'll be all right. +No, that won't be necessary. I'll be all right. I wish you'd listen to us. What about the meeting tomorrow? We need to frisk people. +I wish you'd listen to us. What about the meeting tomorrow? We need to frisk people. I don't want folks to be searched, it makes people uncomfortable. If I can't be safe among my own kind, where can I be? Allah will protect me. +Reverend Chickenwing called last night and said he wouldn't be able to attend. So now we have no opening speaker? Why wasn't I informed last night? +So now we have no opening speaker? Why wasn't I informed last night? I called Sister Betty, she didn't tell you? +I called Sister Betty, she didn't tell you? Since when do you start telling Sister Betty my business? Since when? She has nothing to do with this. You tell me, not her, not anybody else. +Since when do you start telling Sister Betty my business? Since when? She has nothing to do with this. You tell me, not her, not anybody else. I assumed... +I assumed... What did I tell you about assuming? +Brother Minister, what is wrong? The way I feel, I ought not to go out there today. In fact, I'm going to ease some of this tension by telling the black man not to fight himself -- that's all a part of the white man's big maneuver, to keep us fighting amongst ourselves, against each other. I'm not fighting anyone, that's not what we're here for. +The way I feel, I ought not to go out there today. In fact, I'm going to ease some of this tension by telling the black man not to fight himself -- that's all a part of the white man's big maneuver, to keep us fighting amongst ourselves, against each other. I'm not fighting anyone, that's not what we're here for. Let's cancel. +Let's cancel. Is my family here yet? +Is my family here yet? Down front as always. +Do you know what a friend you have in Jesus, son? Preacher, take your tin Jesus and the Virgin Mary, both, and shove 'em. +Why don't you just ask your question? You've been talking about the disciples. What color were they? +You've been talking about the disciples. What color were they? I don't think we know for certain. +They were Hebrew, weren't they? That's right. +That's right. As Jesus was. Jesus was also a Hebrew. +As Jesus was. Jesus was also a Hebrew. Just what is your question? +Just what is your question? What color were the original Hebrews? +What color were the original Hebrews? I told you we don't know for certain. +I told you we don't know for certain. Then we don't know that God was white. +Now just a moment, just a moment -- But we do know that the people of that region of Asia Minor, from the Tigris-Euphrates valley to the Mediterranean, are dark-skinned people. I've studied drawings and photographs and seen newsreels. I have never seen a native of that area who was not black. +But we do know that the people of that region of Asia Minor, from the Tigris-Euphrates valley to the Mediterranean, are dark-skinned people. I've studied drawings and photographs and seen newsreels. I have never seen a native of that area who was not black. Just what are you saying? +Just what are you saying? I'm not saying anything, preacher. I'm proving to you that God is black. +Mr. X is a demagogue. He has no place to go, so he exaggerates. He's a disservice to every good law-abiding Negro in the country. Can I ask you a question? Please, go ahead. +Please, go ahead. Mr. Malcolm X, why do you teach black supremacy? Why do you teach hate? +Mr. Malcolm X, why do you teach black supremacy? Why do you teach hate? "For the white man to ask the black man if he hates him is just like the rapist asking the raped, or the wolf asking the sheep, ""Do you hate me!"" The white man is in no moral position to accuse anyone of hate." +"Stop me if I'm wrong. I ""polarize the community."" I ""erroneously appraise the racial picture.""" You put it very well. +You put it very well. "You left one phrase out. Another educated Kneegrew said to me and I quote: ""Brother Malcolm oversimplifies the dynamic interstices of the Negro subculture."" Would you agree?" +"You left one phrase out. Another educated Kneegrew said to me and I quote: ""Brother Malcolm oversimplifies the dynamic interstices of the Negro subculture."" Would you agree?" Entirely. +Entirely. Well, I have this to say. Do you know what a Negro with a B.A., an M.A. and a Ph.D. is called -- by the white man? I'll tell you. He's called a nigger. +Let him finish. "Thank you. Now the Negro in the field caught hell all day long. He was beaten by the master; he lived in a shack, wore castoff clothes and hated his master. If the house caught fire, he'd pray for a wind. If the master got sick, he'd pray that he'd die. And if you said to him, ""Let's go, let's separate"", he'd yell, ""Yeah, man, any place is better than this."" You've got a lot of Field Negroes in America today. I'm one." +If you want to tell me. Women are deceitful. They are untrustworthy flesh. I've seen too many men ruined or tied down or messed up by women. +If I surprise you, let me explain. Menial work teaches us humility. Let me do it then. +Let me do it then. No, each of us must relearn that work is the only worthwhile thing. Allah has given you a great gift. Use it wisely, never forgetting that we are nothing, while He is all. +No, each of us must relearn that work is the only worthwhile thing. Allah has given you a great gift. Use it wisely, never forgetting that we are nothing, while He is all. Allah Akbar. +Did you see the papers today? Yes, sir, I did. +Yes, sir, I did. That was a very bad statement. The country loved this man, and you have made it hard in general for Muslims. +Can I ask you something? Sure, man. +Sure, man. Are you Elijah's pimp? +Are you Elijah's pimp? What? +What? """His greatest greatness.""" +"""His greatest greatness.""" Say what you're saying. +Say what you're saying. If you don't know, man, then I feel sorriest for you. +I thought you said we were going to the movies last night. I say a lot of things. +I say a lot of things. And like a fool I believe it. +And like a fool I believe it. Do your job, Get me a bourbon on the rocks and a pack of Lucky's. +You know that gal? Mind your own goddamn business... She comes in a lot? +Mind your own goddamn business... She comes in a lot? 'Bout every other night, Red. +'Bout every other night, Red. With him? +She know? If she got eyes, she do. +Is she hooking? Not yet. But the way things going, that boy gonna turn her out any day. +The average first offender gets two years for burglary. We were all first offenders. That's what Sophia and Peg drew -- Two years in the Women's Reformatory at Framingham. +Two years in the Women's Reformatory at Framingham. But our crime wasn't burglary. It was balling white girls. They gave us the book. +But our crime wasn't burglary. It was balling white girls. They gave us the book. Burglary, count one -- 8 to 10 years; count two, 8 to 10 years; count three, 8 to 10 years... +Fourteen counts of 8 to 10 years. The sentences to run concurrently. +The sentences to run concurrently. Shorty thought he hit us with 114 years till I explained what concurrently meant. It meant a minimum sentence of 10 years hard labor at the Charlestown State Prison. The date was February 1946. I wasn't quite 21. I had not yet begun to shave. +'Lo. I've got to freshen up. Now you come back. +I better not come in. I ain't stupid. +I ain't stupid. I mean it's late, baby. +I mean it's late, baby. I know where you're going. +I know where you're going. I'm going to bed. I gotta work tomorrow, need my rest. +Baby, I'll call you tomorrow. What for? I ain't white and I don't put out. +Malcolm, you can be anything you want. You got class and you're smart. All them books you read and you still don't know nuthin. +All them books you read and you still don't know nuthin. I do know I love you. +Let's go. Why? Is it because of your white gal? Folks say you're running around town with her. +Why? Is it because of your white gal? Folks say you're running around town with her. Save it, baby. Save it for Mr. Right, 'cause your grandma's smarter than ya think. +It's the same questions, Mrs. Little. Since the death of your husband -- Murder. +Murder. -- there is a serious question as to whether -- +-- there is a serious question as to whether -- These are my children. Mine. And they ain't no question. None. +These are my children. Mine. And they ain't no question. None. I think sometimes, Mrs. Little, candor is the only kindness. +I think sometimes, Mrs. Little, candor is the only kindness. All of your children are delinquent, Mrs. Little, and one, at least, Malcolm is a thief. +All of your children are delinquent, Mrs. Little, and one, at least, Malcolm is a thief. Get out. +Get out. Your control over your children, therefore -- +Your control over your children, therefore -- Did you hear me?! +Did you hear me?! You'll regret this, Mrs. Little. +You'll regret this, Mrs. Little. If you don't move out through that door, you're going to be past all regretting. +How many you turning out? 500. +500. Make it 1000. We got a lot of fishing to do. +Make it 1000. We got a lot of fishing to do. Brother Malcolm, I want you to meet Brother Earl. He just joined the Nation. +Thank you, Brother; Sister, how are you? Please make way, please -- +Another one? How long has this been going on? +How long has this been going on? All day since you and Betty left. Brother Minister, I have to level with you. They gave me a mission. But I couldn't do it. I love y'all. +All day since you and Betty left. Brother Minister, I have to level with you. They gave me a mission. But I couldn't do it. I love y'all. What mission? +What mission? To wire your car so it would explode when you turned the ignition. The Ministers say you are spreading untruths about the Messenger. The Ministers say you are a great hypocrite, Judas, Benedict Arnold. The Ministers say your tongue should be cut out and delivered to the Messenger's doorstep. +To wire your car so it would explode when you turned the ignition. The Ministers say you are spreading untruths about the Messenger. The Ministers say you are a great hypocrite, Judas, Benedict Arnold. The Ministers say your tongue should be cut out and delivered to the Messenger's doorstep. What does Sidney say? +What does Sidney say? I'm with you, Brother Minister. +I'm with you, Brother Minister. No. You'll be marked for death. +No. You'll be marked for death. Let me die then. +Let me die then. I won't let myself come between you and your father. Go home. +I won't let myself come between you and your father. Go home. You're my father. +You're my father. And don't come back. +Sheeet, you ain't. I had aplenty. ...That isn't a whore? +That's alright. Baby, take your time. Sophia's not going anywhere. I told you to walk, don't run. Shhhh! I don't like women that talk. +You like 'em scrambled soft or hard, sweetie? C'mere. +Sweetie, they're almost ready. You hear me, girl? +You the man. You better believe it. +You evil this morning. What's your story, baby? +"Yeah, girl; that's your story. When you gonna holler ""rape,"" sister?" Me? +Me? You will, baby -- if the time come. +You will, baby -- if the time come. Lemme feed you, sweetie, while they hot. +Baby, I was gonna give it to you. Well, bitch you move too slow. +You had the number. Baby, I got to let this old man win. Keep the faith, and tell Billie I'll see her later. +Well, all right, then. Well, all reet, then. +Hey, man, gimme some skin. Shorty, this is Laura. +That's a fine chick. Fine as May wine. +Fine as May wine. Except she live on the hill and got a grandma. +Except she live on the hill and got a grandma. Make it too easy and it ain't no fun. +Don't you know, you can't hump the Bogart. Eat lead, coppers. +Bang, bang. You're dead. Naw, you missed me, copper. Try this on for size. +I forgot to tell you I'm wearing a bulletproof vest. The hell you are. +The hell you are. I'm tired of always playing the cops. I wanna be Bogart sometimes. +I'm tired of always playing the cops. I wanna be Bogart sometimes. You're too small to be Bogart. +You're too small to be Bogart. I'm not too short to be Cagney. +Yeah and get a slave, too, huh, baby? I ain't doing bad. +I ain't doing bad. Man, the name musicians ain't got shit. How you gonna have something? I need a stake, a bundle, a grand. My woman can't afford it; my homey ain't got it. How about you baby? What you got? +Jesus, Red, she's just a kid. Jesus ain't got nothin' to do with this. +That ain't bad. Tell him about Baldy. +Don't never try to cross someone who ain't afraid to die. You the man! +What did you do, Homey, palm it? Yeah. +Palmed it right in the goddam chamber. Jesus Christ, Homey, you are nuts. +I got to hand it to you, Homey. That's the best preacher hype I ever did hear. It isn't a hype, Shorty. And I meant what I said: join us. +It isn't a hype, Shorty. And I meant what I said: join us. Come on, baby. I don't pay that shit no mind. +Come on, baby. I don't pay that shit no mind. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad says you should pay it all your mind. If you got a mind. +The Honorable Elijah Muhammad says you should pay it all your mind. If you got a mind. Baby, I love you. Take it easy, greasy. How about a snort? +Baby, I love you. Take it easy, greasy. How about a snort? I've been clean for twelve years, Shorty. +I've been clean for twelve years, Shorty. You is something, Homeboy. My trouble is -- I ain't had enough stuff yet, I ain't et all the ribs I want and I sure ain't had enough white tail yet. +You is something, Homeboy. My trouble is -- I ain't had enough stuff yet, I ain't et all the ribs I want and I sure ain't had enough white tail yet. How's the rest of the gang? You seen anyone? +How's the rest of the gang? You seen anyone? Well, Sammy's dead. Yeah, fell over in the bed with a chick twenty years younger than him. Had twenty-five grand in his pocket. +I'm half wop, half nigger and ain't afraid of no one. What can you do? +Then I put him to bed and pour talcum powder on him like a baby. He gets his jollies off. So what about him? +So what about him? So? The man got silver, china, rugs -- +So? The man got silver, china, rugs -- Might be all right. +Might be all right. Might be, shit. Man, I know this town. I got my own fences. Who the hell are you? Who put you in charge? +You want to be the head man? That's right. +That's right. Head nigger in charge? +Head nigger in charge? I'm the man. +I'm the man. Okay, baby. Let's flip for it. Flip this. +Your turn, Rudy. You want me to flip for you? Jesus Christ, no. Okay, okay. You got it, you got it! You're the boss. +I'm Minister Malcolm X. Two witnesses saw him brought in. He was not brought out. You heard the Sergeant. Outside. +Who the hell are they? Brothers of Brother Johnson. +Brothers of Brother Johnson. Eddie, let's see that blotter. +Only a pig could do a thing like that. Watch your tongue, boy. +Watch your tongue, boy. Don't you call me boy, you pig. Letting a man bleed like that. +Brother Minister he often talked about you. He loves you, loves you like his own son. Says you are the best, his greatest Minister but that someday you would leave him and turn against him. He told you that? +He told you that? Yes sir. +Yes sir. Are you sure? +Are you sure? Yes, I am, Brother Minister. All I want is support for my children. He should provide for his children. That's all I want. +Yes, I am, Brother Minister. All I want is support for my children. He should provide for his children. That's all I want. Allah will provide. +We were parceled out, all five of us. I went to this reform school and lived at this woman's house. She was in charge. This is your room, Malcolm. I know you'll keep it clean. +This is your room, Malcolm. I know you'll keep it clean. This is Malcolm, our new guest. We'll treat him like a brother. +This is Malcolm, our new guest. We'll treat him like a brother. I was special. The only colored kid in class. I became a sort of mascot. Like a pink poodle. +I was special. The only colored kid in class. I became a sort of mascot. Like a pink poodle. I didn't know then that I was a nigger. +I didn't know then that I was a nigger. He's bright. +He's bright. They talked about me like +They talked about me like Good grades. Fine athlete. President of his class. +Good grades. Fine athlete. President of his class. I wasn't there. Like I was some kind of pedigreed dog or a horse. Like I was invisible. +What am I doing here? Believe it or not, you're safe here. The Judicial police will kill you. If they can. This page? +Believe it or not, you're safe here. The Judicial police will kill you. If they can. This page? No. +You have a rather checkered past. Mr. Creasy. Your Interpol file is six pages long. Am I a suspect? +Am I a suspect? No. It would be convenient, but no. +Show me mugshots of Mexican policemen. Maybe then we'll get somewhere. All these photos you just saw were of policemen. Sadly they're protected. La Hermanidad. The brotherhood. +Hombre en fuego. Man On Fire. That's what the papers have named you. It's what you and Rosanna named me. Right? +It's what you and Rosanna named me. Right? Sit, Creasy. Everything that happens from now on does so with my permission. Really. You won't find a better carne asada in all of Mexico. +The last few days may represent the best police work of my life. What do you want? +What do you want? The same thing as you. Except, my reach isn't as long as yours. My father was a policemen, did you know that? +The same thing as you. Except, my reach isn't as long as yours. My father was a policemen, did you know that? I don't know shit about you. +I don't know shit about you. He was one of the original founders of 'Le Hermanidad' in the days when it represented good not evil. +My family lives in Miami. Because of the death threats. It's not worth it. Be with them instead. +It's not worth it. Be with them instead. It galls me to watch you. You can do as much in days as I can in years. Men like the 'The Dreamer' are protected. Out of everyone's grasp it seems, but yours. +It galls me to watch you. You can do as much in days as I can in years. Men like the 'The Dreamer' are protected. Out of everyone's grasp it seems, but yours. Are you going to arrest me or talk me to death? +My country needs justice. Proper justice. Gunning men down in the street only feeds the violence. They need to be brought to trial. Dealt with properly. Then people will respect the law. When they see it works. So you are going to talk me to death. +So you are going to talk me to death. You walk out and deal justice. You're what I wish I could be. The policemen who kills you, his family will have all they want. +You walk out and deal justice. You're what I wish I could be. The policemen who kills you, his family will have all they want. Then I hope the one who gets me has got lots of kids. What do you want? +Then I hope the one who gets me has got lots of kids. What do you want? I want to arrest you for murder! I want to shake your hand and reload your gun! I want to kill my pride and give you my blessing. +I want to arrest you for murder! I want to shake your hand and reload your gun! I want to kill my pride and give you my blessing. My deal is with Rosanna. I knew you guys were up to something. Are you two fucking? +My deal is with Rosanna. I knew you guys were up to something. Are you two fucking? No, but I have to admit I thought about it. +No, but I have to admit I thought about it. Liar. Just tell me who the bank card belongs to. Name and address. +Liar. Just tell me who the bank card belongs to. Name and address. You have no interest in making things easy, do you? +You have no interest in making things easy, do you? I'm not... easy. +Creasy... I'd have liked to have known you under different circumstances. Off the top of my head, I don't know what they could've been. +[Where are you coming from?] [South America.] +[South America.] [Where are you staying in Mexico?] +[Where are you staying in Mexico?] [I'm on to Juarez.] +[I'm on to Juarez.] [Why?] +[Why?] [I have a friend there.] +[Senor?] [It's a permit to carry a gun in Columbia. The gun you're about to find in that suitcase.] +A lot of people are looking for you. I guess that makes you the smart one. +I guess that makes you the smart one. We're interested in the same thing. I'm writing a story. +It's Santa Muerte. Death worship. The religion of La Hermanidad. There's a curse on you. It's a little late. +Maybe I can help your situation and you mine. So where do we begin? +So where do we begin? I need the name and address of the owner of a Toyota Corolla, license number ME31704... We didn't get the last digit so I need the ten possible matches. +I need the name and address of the owner of a Toyota Corolla, license number ME31704... We didn't get the last digit so I need the ten possible matches. So what do I get in return? +So what do I get in return? Let's see how the relationship develops. I'll call you in the AM. Thanks. +I need something. Do you have banking connections? I have connections. +Where do I find you? I'll call you tomorrow. +What do you know about the cop? Tazinari. The one who made the ransom drop with Samuel Ramos? He's an old fashioned patrone with the worst reputation. He's high on my hit list. +He's an old fashioned patrone with the worst reputation. He's high on my hit list. Where does he live? +Where does he live? He lives in a Judicial Compound. He travels by motorcade. He has better protection than George Bush. Even more importantly he is part of La Hermanidad. His reach is far and wide. +He lives in a Judicial Compound. He travels by motorcade. He has better protection than George Bush. Even more importantly he is part of La Hermanidad. His reach is far and wide. Give me the address. +Another favor... get me banking info on Jordan Kalfus. U.S. deposits or withdrawals. Thanks. Oh, get me the same on Samuel Ramos. How do I contact you? We still don't have the ATM info. +How do I contact you? We still don't have the ATM info. You don't, I'll call you. Oh! I have a tape recording that I am sure will interest you. +I traced the PIN. I have an address for you. But I need to see you. I show, you give me the information? +I show, you give me the information? Deal. +Deal. Where? +[Reina Rosas.] [Si.] +[Si.] [How do you contact 'the Boss'?] +[We page him and he calls back on this cell phone.] [What is his name?] +[What is his name?] [Daniel.] +[Daniel.] [Daniel what?] +[Daniel Rosas Sanchez.] [So you're married to him? And this looks remarkably like his brother.] +[What is his name?] [Aurillio Rosas Sanchez.] +[How does it work?] [Everything on the cellphone. We wait for calls. We have no number to call.] +[Who pays you?] [We have an ATM bank card. We draw out 300 dollars every two weeks.] +[What's the PIN number?] [The what?] +[The what?] [The number you use at the bank machine.] +[The number you use at the bank machine.] [Four-seven-four-seven.] +[Four-seven-four-seven.] [Who killed her? You?] +[Who killed her? You?] [No!] +[No!] [Don't lie to me.] +[Don't lie to me.] [The boss did or his brother.] +[The boss did or his brother.] [Who's the boss?] +[Who's the boss?] [We don't know! We never see his face! We have to wait in the other room. He was screaming to the girl that...] +[What money?] [The ransom money. At the drop. He said Tazinari, one of the policemen had taken it. He was crazy.] +[The ransom money. At the drop. He said Tazinari, one of the policemen had taken it. He was crazy.] [Who's Tazinari?] +[Who's Tazinari?] [Head of the anti-kidnapping division.] +[She's late, Mr. Creasy.] [Yeah, I've got to get used to the routes. I -- It won't happen again.] +[Yeah, I've got to get used to the routes. I -- It won't happen again.] [No offense, but I'm sorry that your profession needs to exist.] +[No offense, but I'm sorry that your profession needs to exist.] [So am I, Sister.] +[So am I, Sister.] [Do you ever see the hand of God in what you do?] +[Do you ever see the hand of God in what you do?] [Not for a long time, sister.] +[Not for a long time, sister.] "[The bible says, ""Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.""]" +"[The bible says, ""Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.""]" [Romans, chapter 12, verse 21.] +[Drive.] [Do you know who I am?] +[Do you know who I am?] [You are Jorge Ramirez.] +[Do you know who I am?] [Who are you?] +[Who are you?] [I am the President of La Hermanidad.] +[The Ramos kidnapping. How did it work?] [I don't know. We were just given instructions to take her.] +[I don't know. We were just given instructions to take her.] [Ordered by who?] +[I don't know! We work in parts. A voice calls in a kidnapping. We deliver the target to the guardians. We don't even know them. They might transfer to other guardians. The negotiators and the bosses don't even see the target. They just make the deal!] [Who ordered it?] +[Who ordered it?] [The cops call him 'The Dreamer'.] +[The cops call him 'The Dreamer'.] [Where do I find him?] +[Where do I find him?] [I don't know. No one knows.] +[I don't know, I swear.] [I believe you.] +[I believe you.] [I'm professional. I just do my job.] +[I'm professional. I just do my job.] [Me, too. Tell me about the guardians.] +[Me, too. Tell me about the guardians.] [He called me on the cell phone to set a time and location for the switch.] +[He called me on the cell phone to set a time and location for the switch.] [Who's he?] +[Who's he?] [The one who transferred Pinta to their car.] +Who's he? I don't know, but I know his face. +[I see him sometimes at the handball court in Chapultepec on a Saturday afternoon.] [How do I recognize him.] +[How do I recognize him.] [He has a tattoo covering two-thirds of his back. He is part of the Brotherhood.] +[He has a tattoo covering two-thirds of his back. He is part of the Brotherhood.] [In the next hour, where do I find your partner?] +[In the next hour, where do I find your partner?] [One-one-three Arco Iris. Third floor.] +[Hello Daniel. I've got your family and I want to negotiate.] [Mr. Creasy. What do you want?] +[Mr. Creasy. What do you want?] [I want you.] +[How much do you want?] [It's non-negotiable.] +[It's non-negotiable.] [Two million U.S.... Three million U.S.?] +[Two million U.S.... Three million U.S.?] [I told you, non-negotiable.] +[The most important thing in life is family. And there you are. You have my family. What do you want?] [I want you.] +[I want you.] [This is not possible. But in that house I have money. If I tell you where --] +[This is not possible. But in that house I have money. If I tell you where --] [Your brother wants to talk to you.] +[Yeah. Yes.] [Listen! I will give you a life for a life.] +[Listen! I will give you a life for a life.] [What do you mean?] +[What do you mean?] [Her life for your life.] +[The girl's. Pinta's.] [You're a liar. Pinta's dead.] +[You're a liar. Pinta's dead.] [I'm a businessman. A dead girl is worth nothing. She is alive.] +[Do you know who I am? I am the commandante of the Judicial anti- kidnapping division.] [And one of the founding members of La Hermanidad.] +[And one of the founding members of La Hermanidad.] [Correct!] +[Please, don't...] [It's all up to you, commandante. Tell me about you and 'The Dreamer'.] +[I don't know him. I saw the opportunity and got lucky.] [Lucky how?] +[Lucky how?] [That he used policemen. That you killed them, it made it a police matter. The Ramos family couldn't refuse our involvement.] +[That he used policemen. That you killed them, it made it a police matter. The Ramos family couldn't refuse our involvement.] [And?] +[And?] [And I had my men ready.] +[And I had my men ready.] [You stole the drop.] +[Yes. Many times.] [O.K. So tell me more.] +[O.K. So tell me more.] [There was no ten million dollars.] +[There was no ten million dollars.] [The ransom was ten.] +[The ransom was ten.] [Two and a half. That's how much there was.] +[Two and a half. That's how much there was.] [Don't lie to me!] +[Don't lie to me!] [Two and a half! The rest was paper! Strips of paper!] +[Maybe your men stole from you.] [No. Whoever took the rest took it before the exchange.] +[No. Whoever took the rest took it before the exchange.] [Who gave the bags to Ramos?] +[Who gave the bags to Ramos?] [His lawyer. Jordan Kalfus.] +[That's all I know! Please. I'm sorry for the girl. But it was business! I'm a professional.] [That's what everybody keeps saying.] +Were you provided with a gun? Yes. +Yes. Show me, please. +What is it? Nine millimeter. A Sig Sauer 226. +Nine millimeter. A Sig Sauer 226. Have you used this type before? +Is it loaded? It's loaded. +Your resume is impressive. Nine years in the Army. Extensive counter terrorism work. I shouldn't be able to afford you in my current state. What's the catch? I drink. +I drink. How does it affect you? +How does it affect you? My coordination. Reaction time. If top professionals try to kidnap your daughter, the service will be on par with the pay. +My coordination. Reaction time. If top professionals try to kidnap your daughter, the service will be on par with the pay. And what if amateurs try it? +And what if amateurs try it? I'll probably kill them. Is that likely? +I'll probably kill them. Is that likely? No. And no one is to know of your drinking problem. That includes my wife. +When did Mexican Customs start getting smart? Creasy??? Where the fuck are you? +Creasy??? Where the fuck are you? I'm here. +I'm here. What do you mean, I'm here? +What do you mean, I'm here? I'm in a Customs holding tank in Mexico City International. Bring a bunch of cash... about 5K. I'm going to need it. +You got a secondary search and you had a gun. Listen it was a calculated risk. I've done it a million times and never got caught. +Listen it was a calculated risk. I've done it a million times and never got caught. Everything happens once if you live long enough. +Everything happens once if you live long enough. It doesn't make sense to x-ray your bags coming off the plane. +It doesn't make sense to x-ray your bags coming off the plane. This is Mexico, they do everything backwards. +So what's wrong? Nothing wrong. +Nothing wrong. Don't give me that bullshit. +So how's business? Japanese are here in a big way. Cheap labor. Factory space. But they feel a lot safer living over the border in El Paso. I ferry 'em back and forth. They think I'm John-fucking- Wayne. +Japanese are here in a big way. Cheap labor. Factory space. But they feel a lot safer living over the border in El Paso. I ferry 'em back and forth. They think I'm John-fucking- Wayne. But don't you stay in El Paso? +But don't you stay in El Paso? Fuck, I love Mexico. I live like a king down here. +Yeah, right... Oh, like you haven't been in worse places. +Oh, like you haven't been in worse places. And a level five shithole is better than a level six. Your logic's inescapable. +You been working? Not for eight months. I was in Columbia looking around, but, nothing seemed interesting. +Not for eight months. I was in Columbia looking around, but, nothing seemed interesting. How long you staying, Crease? +How long you staying, Crease? Got no plans, Rayburn, Nothing on. Just wanted to see you, how you were. Came by on impulse. +You did something on impulse? Everything happens once if you live long enough. +Your Spanish is good enough. You certainly look the part. You're crazy. People would hire a has-been, Ray? A drunk? +You're crazy. People would hire a has-been, Ray? A drunk? Well, you'd have to keep it under control. +Well, you'd have to keep it under control. And what if, just say, there was a kidnap attempt? +And what if, just say, there was a kidnap attempt? You do your best. They won't be paying you enough to perform miracles. +It's not exactly a scam, Crease. Even at half speed you're pretty damn good. A bodyguard has to be close to someone all the time. Willing to talk. I'm not good at that. +A bodyguard has to be close to someone all the time. Willing to talk. I'm not good at that. So you'll be the silent type. People will appreciate that. +What are you doing here? I came to visit you. +I came to visit you. Bullshit. I've known you fifteen years. You don't visit. +Bullshit. I've known you fifteen years. You don't visit. A bodyguard... Who's the guy? +A bodyguard... Who's the guy? Samuel Ramos. Owns one of the plants in Juarez. The Jap car industry is in the toilet. He's trying to persuade Ford to partner with him. I think he's in trouble. He asked me if I knew anyone he could trust. +Samuel Ramos. Owns one of the plants in Juarez. The Jap car industry is in the toilet. He's trying to persuade Ford to partner with him. I think he's in trouble. He asked me if I knew anyone he could trust. Oh, now you think I can be trusted. +Oh, now you think I can be trusted. Take a job, Creasy. Breathe some air. Then decide if you want to... stick around or not. +There's still ink on my fingers from last week. You got tossed. Don't trust the cops, especially the Judicials. Oh you know that? +You mean a misfire? I mean nothing. The hammer came down and nothing happened. Dimple on the primer. +I mean nothing. The hammer came down and nothing happened. Dimple on the primer. I've heard of it. Never happened to me though. Maybe the firing pin's off. +I've heard of it. Never happened to me though. Maybe the firing pin's off. Maybe... +Creasy? Sorry I woke you, Ray. +Then one day, he calls and says, 'I'm in love and I'm moving to Mexico.' I said what happened to the plan? I said the plan was right here. +You got three of the fuckers. All dead. Pinta... +Pinta... Two days gone. They're negotiating a ransom. +Stomach's gone. But... okay. I'll get you up to the border. Friend of mine'll take you in to San Diego. Drop you right at the hospital. +Fuck. Look at you; you won't last a day the shape you're in. Unless you stop bleeding you should have your spleen removed. Yes or no? +Yes or no? I won't kill again. Hunt people. I gave that up. Anything else? It's yours. +I'll take the .45 and the Webley .32. I know it's old fashioned, but it's reliable. Like us. +Cut the stock here. The barrel here. Make sure you file it smooth. Rocket launchers? Different door. Not far from here. +Do you like dogs, Mr. Creasy? If they like me. +If they like me. Frank doesn't take to most people. Do you speak German? +Frank doesn't take to most people. Do you speak German? Ein Klines Bisschen. [A tiny bit.] +Ein Klines Bisschen. [A tiny bit.] Frank only responds to commands in German. He was trained in Frankfurt. My Dad loves the idea of having a dog around, but hates the fact he lives inside. +That's 'Bird.' Emilio forgot to take him with when he left. Who's Emilio? +Who's Emilio? My last bodyguard. He drove me to school in the morning and picked me up in the afternoon. +In between you can take Mom shopping and to lunch. Does that sound alright, Mr. Creasy? Creasy. Just call me Creasy. +Creasy. Just call me Creasy. Creasy... +Where are you from, Creasy? The United States. +The United States. I know. But which state? +No. You can drive and talk at the same time, can't you? +You can drive and talk at the same time, can't you? No. +No. Why not? +Why not? I'm looking for potential. +Potential? I don't understand. Places where the road bends, places away from buildings, places where the traffic thins out. But you don't have to understand. I do. So no talking. +Places where the road bends, places away from buildings, places where the traffic thins out. But you don't have to understand. I do. So no talking. Are you going to quit? My last bodyguard quit. +Are you going to quit? My last bodyguard quit. Let me guess, you wouldn't stop talking? +Let me guess, you wouldn't stop talking? Someone gave him more money than we could. +Someone gave him more money than we could. I'm a bargain. +I'm a bargain. Being black, is that a positive or negative for a bodyguard in Mexico? +Being black, is that a positive or negative for a bodyguard in Mexico? Time will tell. +Time will tell. There were 24 kidnappings in Mexico City in the last six days. Four a day. What do you think about that, Mr. Creasy? +There were 24 kidnappings in Mexico City in the last six days. Four a day. What do you think about that, Mr. Creasy? Pretty impressive. Maybe I need to up my fee or get a larger gun. +We're taking a different way home. That's right. +Did you like school, Creasy? No. +No. Not at all? +Not at all? No. +No. But why not? +Hmmm? It wasn't a school like yours and there was no Sister Anna. +It wasn't a school like yours and there was no Sister Anna. So you were unhappy? +So you were unhappy? Being unhappy is a state of mind. I never thought about it. +Being unhappy is a state of mind. I never thought about it. Oh... +And don't start crying. I'm not crying. +Pinta, do you have a pencil? I go to school, don't I? +You're fast. Once I get in the water but not starting off. By the time I catch up, it's too late. +What are you doing? Calling for Emilio's macaw. I thought I heard him. +Calling for Emilio's macaw. I thought I heard him. Do you think he'll come back? +Do you think he'll come back? Maybe. Did you hear him? +Maybe. Did you hear him? No. +No. How do you think he got out? +How do you think he got out? Well, I let him go. +Well, I let him go. It's better to be free, right? +It's better to be free, right? Yes. Actually, he was driving me crazy. +They'll be back in a week. They can stay for two weeks. I don't care. +It hurts. Where? +Where? Everywhere! +I don't think they're broken. Anywhere else? My ankle. +The night you arrived, Mom asked you if you had a family and you lied, didn't you? White lie. I didn't have a family. But I did have two kids. They're adults now. +Do you always sleep with him? I'm too old for him. Don't tell my friends. +I'm too old for him. Don't tell my friends. I don't talk to them much. Does he have a name? +Did you sleep alright? Yes. +Yes. How's the ankle? Can you put your weight on it? +How's the ankle? Can you put your weight on it? It's not too bad. Will it take a long time before it's better? Our big swim meet is in three weeks. Interschools. I was going to swim in the one hundred meter freestyle. +It's not too bad. Will it take a long time before it's better? Our big swim meet is in three weeks. Interschools. I was going to swim in the one hundred meter freestyle. In a week you should be fine. +Doesn't matter. I always finish second. You need to practice. +Why do you ask? It was in a book at school. Concubine. +Well, it's a sort of wife. But the Emperor of China had 1000 of them! How can that be? +But the Emperor of China had 1000 of them! How can that be? In the West, it's one wife for one husband, but different cultures have different rules. +In the West, it's one wife for one husband, but different cultures have different rules. It must be difficult having lots of wives. +It must be difficult having lots of wives. You feel sorry for the husband? +You feel sorry for the husband? [Yeah. Can you imagine my mother multiplied by a thousand?] +So how come you know so much about those countries? I had to do my homework on them when I worked there. Also I enjoy history. +I had to do my homework on them when I worked there. Also I enjoy history. What did you do in Asia? Is that where you met the man with cigarettes? +What did you do in Asia? Is that where you met the man with cigarettes? No, that was in Columbia. +You don't flinch when a gun goes off; you react. You go. Don't listen for the sound; don't anticipate it. Concentrate on the sound itself. I don't understand. +I don't understand. Don't worry. You will. +Remember you asked me what state I was from? Yes. +Yes. Where you're from isn't so much about geography; it's about events. Where you're from is what happened to you. +Where you're from isn't so much about geography; it's about events. Where you're from is what happened to you. Good things happen, too, Creasy. Like meeting me. +Good things happen, too, Creasy. Like meeting me. I guess that really does make me a hard case. +Do you have a girlfriend, Creasy? No. +No. Did you used to? +Did you used to? Yeah. Two or three. +You're late. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. You were never late before, I was worried. +Where's my mother? I dropped her at home. +I dropped her at home. It's no wonder you're late. Why didn't she just come with you? +I'm not afraid you, Creasy. I know you're not. +I know you're not. Are you afraid of me? +The gunshot holds no fear. Say it. The gunshot holds no fear. +The gunshot holds no fear. You welcome the sound. The sound is what lets you go. The sound is what frees you. You are a prisoner in those blocks until you hear the sound. +I'm tough, Creasy. I'm tough as you. There's no such thing as tough. You're either trained or untrained. +What's so important in Los Angeles? Your father has business. +Your father has business. Why today? And why'd she have to go with him? +The blocks. I'm a prisoner in them. Until the gunshot sets me free. +Could I ask you a question? Could I stop you? +Could I stop you? You don't drink like you used to. +You don't drink like you used to. That's not a question. +That's not a question. I know because I go in your room and check the bottles. +I know because I go in your room and check the bottles. Still not a question. +Still not a question. My mom drinks, too... Why do people drink, Creasy? +My mom drinks, too... Why do people drink, Creasy? Now that's a question. I don't know about your Mom. For me, the problem isn't in the glass. The problem's in between my ears. +Now that's a question. I don't know about your Mom. For me, the problem isn't in the glass. The problem's in between my ears. You think too much? +You think too much? Yeah. Because at one time, I didn't think enough. +Pinta, we've got to go. Travel sucks at this time. Frank. Frankie. +That's strange. Frank was a no-show. Not like him to miss a ride. You should break all my fingers, Creasy, then tape them back together. I won't be able to play the piano, but I could still swim. +You should break all my fingers, Creasy, then tape them back together. I won't be able to play the piano, but I could still swim. Don't be a baby. You're tougher than that. +Don't be a baby. You're tougher than that. There's no such thing as tough, Creasy. Just trained and untrained. +There's no such thing as tough, Creasy. Just trained and untrained. Then be trained. +Then be trained. I'm going to keep people safe someday. Just like you. +I'm going to keep people safe someday. Just like you. Be a swimmer. +Be a swimmer. I could do it. Remember the day you wanted the pencil? I know why. And I saw that car again. I wrote the license number in my notebook. Except I missed the last number. +Continue to play in the wrong key, like you're dyslexic. Dyslexic? +Dyslexic? "Like St. Jude. A hopeless case that has a complete block about 'C' Minor. But remember, ""Whoever resists authority will bring judgement upon themselves."" New Testament, Romans 13." +"Like St. Jude. A hopeless case that has a complete block about 'C' Minor. But remember, ""Whoever resists authority will bring judgement upon themselves."" New Testament, Romans 13." You got that right. +You got that right. You'll be back in the water in twenty- four hours. +The world of our children. How dare they? It's war. The weakest suffer the most. +It's war. The weakest suffer the most. You're American. +You're American. So are you. +You've done much of this work before? Never. +Mr. Creasy, I wanted to make sure you have everything you need. I'm fine. +I'm fine. Is the food alright? Maria tells me that you didn't eat. +Is the food alright? Maria tells me that you didn't eat. The food's fine. Sometimes I don't eat. +The food's fine. Sometimes I don't eat. It insults Maria. Slip it to the dog if you have to... Do you mind if I talk to you for a moment? +How are you getting along with Pinta? We'll be okay once she realizes I'm not a new toy. +We'll be okay once she realizes I'm not a new toy. Yes, she told me. Do you have children, Mr. Creasy? +Yes, she told me. Do you have children, Mr. Creasy? No. +No. You should know they're tenacious when they want something. And Pinta wants to be friends. +You should know they're tenacious when they want something. And Pinta wants to be friends. You're paying me to protect her, not amuse her. Right? +Look. Maybe this isn't going to work. Maybe you should ask your husband to hire someone... more sociable. No, you're right. You were hired to protect her, that's enough. I'm confident you'll do that. +It makes it all seem so serious. It is serious, Mrs. Ramos. +It is serious, Mrs. Ramos. Please, it's Lisa... I'll be coming with you tomorrow. I have lunch with friends. +Sorry. The traffic takes some getting used to. +Jordan! If something happened, my reaction would be to fight to protect her. I have skills in that respect. Pinta would benefit by the fact that... I'm a soldier. +Why are you here? Why didn't you die? Because... I was already dead. +They planned it, Samuel and Kalfus. Planned what? +Planned what? An autosequestra. Kalfus arranged for Pinta to be taken to a safehouse. I'm sure he thought she'd sit there for three days eating pizza and watching TV. It didn't work out that way. Everything got fucked up when I killed the cops and Tazinari saw an opportunity. +I don't believe you. I want you to get into your car now and meet me on the south end of the footbridge between Reforma and the freeway junction. In 45 minutes. +I want you to get into your car now and meet me on the south end of the footbridge between Reforma and the freeway junction. In 45 minutes. You're lying. I don't believe you. +You're lying. I don't believe you. Then don't come. +Creasy... Wait. Stay here. If you do something stupid, we won't get her back. +Rosanna Guerrero. It's Creasy. +It's Creasy. Where are you? +Where are you? Los Arcos. Was a little girl kidnapped recently? About twelve maybe? +Los Arcos. Was a little girl kidnapped recently? About twelve maybe? Last night. Do you know something? +Last night. Do you know something? What was her name? +What was her name? Camila. Camila Valencias. +The family paid the ransom and he was returned two days later. His father still hasn't gotten up the nerve to ask him if they fucked him up the ass. And now every mother with money in Mexico City wants bigger and better bodyguards. My own wife included. +And now every mother with money in Mexico City wants bigger and better bodyguards. My own wife included. If she pisses you off, you get another one. +If she pisses you off, you get another one. Do you know what she told me last night? +Of course I care about Pinta. She'll be as beautiful as her mother one day. Yeah? And if she was ugly? +All my clients have kidnap and ransom insurance. I have a policy, AIG. It covers me and my family and when it runs out in sixty days, without a bodyguard, I will not be able to renew it. +I have a policy, AIG. It covers me and my family and when it runs out in sixty days, without a bodyguard, I will not be able to renew it. I know you need to please Lisa. An ass like that is hard to find. Good bodyguards are even harder. +I know you need to please Lisa. An ass like that is hard to find. Good bodyguards are even harder. I know! I just had to let one go because I couldn't afford him! +You need a bodyguard of some description. It's a dangerous world we live in. But you will get what you pay for. He doesn't need to be Superman, does he? Can you go fifteen grand? For a year? +For a year? For a few months. Hire someone cheap. You have to have a bodyguard to keep the insurance. Then fire him for incompetence. The important thing is Lisa's daughter will return to school. +And Lisa will be able to save face. We won't be the only family without a bodyguard. Her beauty fucks with your mind. +Her beauty fucks with your mind. For an American she understands this country very well. +For an American she understands this country very well. She understands men. +[You have the money.] [Yes.] +[Yes.] [OK, repeat the drop instructions.] +[OK, repeat the drop instructions.] [The money, 10 million U.S. will be divided into two 15 gallon black canvas bags each containing five million which will be checked at the bank by the K&R agent. Then driven to the house in an armored car where it will be transferred to the delivery car.] +[The money, 10 million U.S. will be divided into two 15 gallon black canvas bags each containing five million which will be checked at the bank by the K&R agent. Then driven to the house in an armored car where it will be transferred to the delivery car.] [The car will not be powerful and have no trunk.] +[I need a driver to drive Samuel, the father.] [No. Why?] +[No. Why?] [He has a heart condition. Angina. He responds badly to stress.] +[He has a heart condition. Angina. He responds badly to stress.] [OK. You will arrive at Columbus Circle and Reforma Avenue at 3AM. You will drive around the square two times. Samuel will remove his shirt and hold it out the window to I.D. the car.] +You should be sleeping, baby. I'm trying, mom. +Good news. You're going back to school. When? +When? Samuel is going to hire a new bodyguard. It may take a few days, but you're going back. +Could he speak English? Emilio couldn't speak English. We'll see. And thank your father in the morning. A man always needs to be thanked. +Yes, mom? This is Mr. Creasy. +I like him, Mom. You do? +You do? He's like a great big bear. 'Creasy bear'... +I think he's been sick. He's alright now, but I think he's been very, very sick. Well, think about going to sleep. Good night, baby. +Bye, Mom. Don't forget your towel. +I'll call you from Detroit, baby. You're going to miss Mexican Halloween. The Day of the Dead. +A man's worth can be judged by what he has or what he owes. Only the amount matters. And bankruptcy. Where will that put me in the social strata? +And bankruptcy. Where will that put me in the social strata? I'm only asking for one thing. And it's not an extravagance. It's not even for me; it's for our daughter. +I'm only asking for one thing. And it's not an extravagance. It's not even for me; it's for our daughter. Our daughter. +Our child's safety is at stake. These people are professionals. They don't waste their time taking children whose fathers are virtually bankrupt. +These people are professionals. They don't waste their time taking children whose fathers are virtually bankrupt. Samuel, it is not something we should skimp on. A bodyguard's presence in the car or outside the school was at least some form of deterrent. Now he's gone, I feel totally exposed. +My wife, Mr. Creasy. Lisa Martin Ramos, Mr. Creasy. +He has experience in related work. A great deal of it. Do you have any family, Mr. Creasy? +I think it's nice he's American. I think it's fantastic. +I think it's fantastic. You realize that you've brought a killer into the house. +She likes him. Hmm? +Hmm? Creasy. Pinta likes him. +Creasy. Pinta likes him. Pinta loves school. She'd like Count Dracula is he took her back there. +He has to go, Samuel. What? Who? +What? Who? Creasy. +Creasy. Why? You were so pleased with him. +Why? You were so pleased with him. Pinta likes him too much. She thinks of him as a father. +Pinta likes him too much. She thinks of him as a father. That's ridiculous. +That's ridiculous. It's not. +I've just been so busy, Lisa. He has to go. +It will be a hard break. She's young. She'll get over it. +She's young. She'll get over it. I wasn't thinking of Pinta. +[A bodyguard was shot trying to protect a 9 year old. The bodyguard's American. Not only that he's black.] [Is that good or bad?] +[Is that good or bad?] [That's good. Really good. He shot and killed two judicial cops and a kidnapper died in the attack. They're saying he's responsible.] +[He'll die of his wounds; bleed to death before he can do anything.] [He sounded strong to me. Stronger than we are.] +[Because he's outside. Because he's not tied to the same system we are.] [We did voice analysis of the last five high profile kidnappings, including the little girl. The same man 'The Dreamer'. Listen to this.] +[I know this. Your point?] [Creasy is not a policeman. My sense is he could be very valuable to us.] +[Then what do you have to lose?] [It's a moral issue. On one hand you're cleaning up the bad guys, but in another way we are feeding the problem that produces bad guys.] +[Is it true? Creasy saved the little girl that was kidnapped yesterday.] [And left three more dead men.] +[When you talked to him, did he look sane?] [No. Not by the rules of polite society at least.] +[No. Not by the rules of polite society at least.] [I think he's... magnificent.] +[You only fuck me to get information.] [You only give information so you can fuck me.] +[You only give information so you can fuck me.] [A beautiful circle.] +[And as long as we're talking information, there's something else as well.] [I should start going for your tits first.] +[Who's that?] [He's the man, 'the Boss?' My guys got into the house on the pretext of giving cholera shots. We had to inject the whole Barrio. We bugged the house and stole the picture of him.] +He's not a cop killer. I'm sure he isn't. Though he's certainly adept at killing. +I'm sure he isn't. Though he's certainly adept at killing. He was doing his job, protecting the girl. If police were involved, you figure it out. I'm here for him. +He was doing his job, protecting the girl. If police were involved, you figure it out. I'm here for him. So am I. +Pollo Pibil. Chicken and chorizo sausage. Hmmmh. They marinate it in lemon and orange juice. It's a stew really. I already ate. +Tell me about your friend Creasy. You just said it. He's my friend. Nothing else to say. +You just said it. He's my friend. Nothing else to say. I read the file. You and Creasy have been seen quite a bit together. +I read the file. You and Creasy have been seen quite a bit together. Two tourists who never went home. +Two tourists who never went home. You helped him get this job. +You helped him get this job. That's what friends do. +That's what friends do. Yes. But if I traced Creasy to you, others will do it as well. Their facilities are as good as my own, if not better. +Yes. But if I traced Creasy to you, others will do it as well. Their facilities are as good as my own, if not better. I can take care of myself. +I can take care of myself. You and Creasy both. A two man army according to Interpol. Panama. Lebanon with the Druze. Desert Storm. Where you were contracted by the U.S. Army to hunt down elite Iraqi military commanders. You two were a married couple. +You and Creasy both. A two man army according to Interpol. Panama. Lebanon with the Druze. Desert Storm. Where you were contracted by the U.S. Army to hunt down elite Iraqi military commanders. You two were a married couple. The kind that gets divorced, but still stay friends. +The kind that gets divorced, but still stay friends. What happened to him? What happened to Creasy? +None of your business. Or mine for that matter. I got nothing more to say. This is my jurisdiction. I want these men as much as Creasy does. +This is my jurisdiction. I want these men as much as Creasy does. He'll deliver more justice in a weekend, than ten years of your courts and tribunals. So stay out of his way. +He'll deliver more justice in a weekend, than ten years of your courts and tribunals. So stay out of his way. I plan to. I'll even help him if I can. He's going to lead me to the 'The Dreamer'. Someone I want very badly. But I'd like to understand him. Give me that. +I plan to. I'll even help him if I can. He's going to lead me to the 'The Dreamer'. Someone I want very badly. But I'd like to understand him. Give me that. Pinta Martin Ramos is just a number to you. Tragic, a public outcry, but a number. One more dead. +Pinta Martin Ramos is just a number to you. Tragic, a public outcry, but a number. One more dead. What was she to Creasy then? +What was she to Creasy then? Light. At the end of a long, dark tunnel. Somehow, she showed him it was alright to live again. +Light. At the end of a long, dark tunnel. Somehow, she showed him it was alright to live again. And they took that away. +And they took that away. A man can be an artist in anything. Stone, paint, words. Food. Anything if his soul is true to it. Creasy's art is death. And he's about to paint his masterpiece. +I told you she wasn't especially attractive, but that she had a good deal of charm, and she's really a real nice girl... She's all right, Andy. It's just that I get one Saturday night off every three weeks, and I was expecting something better, that's all. +She's all right, Andy. It's just that I get one Saturday night off every three weeks, and I was expecting something better, that's all. I told you she wasn't attractive... +I told you she wasn't attractive... You told me that she was a little tall, but that she wasn't bad looking at all. +You told me that she was a little tall, but that she wasn't bad looking at all. Millie's been after me to fix her up with a date, so I... +Millie's been after me to fix her up with a date, so I... All right, I'm having a fair time. It's just that I get one Saturday night off in three weeks, and I wanted to wind up with something tonight. +Hey, Herbie... What? +What? You wanna have a drink before we start dancing? +You wanna have a drink before we start dancing? Listen. You people go grab a table. I'll be back inna minute. I'll be right back. +So waddaya feel like doing tonight? I don't know, Ang'. Wadda you feel like doing? +I don't know, Ang'. Wadda you feel like doing? Well, we oughta do something. It's Saturday night. I don't wanna go bowling like last Saturday. How about calling up that big girl we picked up inna movies about a month ago in the RKO Chester? +Well, we oughta do something. It's Saturday night. I don't wanna go bowling like last Saturday. How about calling up that big girl we picked up inna movies about a month ago in the RKO Chester? Which one was that? +Which one was that? That big girl that was sitting in front of us with the skinny friend. +That big girl that was sitting in front of us with the skinny friend. Oh, yeah. +Oh, yeah. We took them home alla way out in Brooklyn. Her name was Mary Feeney. What do you say? You think I oughta give her a ring? I'll take the skinny one. +We took them home alla way out in Brooklyn. Her name was Mary Feeney. What do you say? You think I oughta give her a ring? I'll take the skinny one. She probably got a date by now, Angie. +She probably got a date by now, Angie. Well, let's call her up. What can we lose? +Well, let's call her up. What can we lose? I didn't like her, Angie. I don't feel like calling her up. +I didn't like her, Angie. I don't feel like calling her up. Well, what do you feel like doing tonight? +Well, what do you feel like doing tonight? I don't know. What do you feel like doing? +I don't know. What do you feel like doing? "Well, we're back to that, huh? I say to you, ""What do you feel like doing tonight?"" And you say to me, ""I don't know, what do you feel like doing?"" And then we wind up sitting around your house with a coupla cansa beer, watching Sid Caesar on television. Well, I tell you what I feel like doing. I feel like calling up this Mary Feeney. She likes you." +"Well, we're back to that, huh? I say to you, ""What do you feel like doing tonight?"" And you say to me, ""I don't know, what do you feel like doing?"" And then we wind up sitting around your house with a coupla cansa beer, watching Sid Caesar on television. Well, I tell you what I feel like doing. I feel like calling up this Mary Feeney. She likes you." What makes you say that? +What makes you say that? I could see she likes you. +I could see she likes you. Yeah, sure. +Yeah, sure. I'll call her up. +I'll call her up. You call her up for yourself, Angie. I don't feel like calling her up. +Boy, you're getting to be a real drag, you know that? Angie, I'm thirty-four years old. I been looking for a girl every Saturday night of my life. I'm tired of looking. Everybody's always telling me to get married. Get married. Get married. Don't you think I wanna get married? I wanna get married. They drive me crazy. Now, I don't wanna wreck your Saturday night for you, Angie. You wanna go somewhere, you go ahead. I don't wanna go. +Angie, I'm thirty-four years old. I been looking for a girl every Saturday night of my life. I'm tired of looking. Everybody's always telling me to get married. Get married. Get married. Don't you think I wanna get married? I wanna get married. They drive me crazy. Now, I don't wanna wreck your Saturday night for you, Angie. You wanna go somewhere, you go ahead. I don't wanna go. My old lady, every word outta her mouth, when you gonna get married? +My old lady, every word outta her mouth, when you gonna get married? My mother, boy, she drives me crazy. +So what do you feel like doing tonight? I don't know. What do you feel like doing? +Not a bad crowd tonight, you know? There was one nice-looking one there inna black dress and beads, but she's dancing now. +There was one nice-looking one there inna black dress and beads, but she's dancing now. There's a nice-looking little short one for you right now. +There's a nice-looking little short one for you right now. Where? +Where? Down there. That little one there. +Yeah, she looks all right from here. Well, waddaya say, you wanna ask them? I'll take the one inna green dress. +Well, waddaya say, you wanna ask them? I'll take the one inna green dress. I think this number is a little fast. Wait a minute. +Where you been, for Pete sakes?! I been looking all over for you. I looked for you, Angie, before I cut out, but I couldn't find you. +I looked for you, Angie, before I cut out, but I couldn't find you. I been looking all over for you! +Waddaya gonna do now? I'm gonna take Clara home. It's close to one. +I'm gonna take Clara home. It's close to one. You want me to ride down with you? +You want me to ride down with you? What for? +What for? It's early. +It's early. It must be one o'clock. +It must be one o'clock. It's Saturday night! There's still plenty-a action around! +It's Saturday night! There's still plenty-a action around! Angie, by the time I get Clara home, it's gonna be one, one-thirty. By the time I get home, it's gonna be two o'clock. I gotta get up for ten o'clock mass tomorrow. +All right, I'll see you! Where you going? +We gotta whole pot inna kitchen. We give you a plate-a your own. Oh, I couldn't eat nothing. My mother just stuffed me right up to the jaws. +Who you gonna call? I was gonna call that girl from last night. Take her to a movie tonight. +I was gonna call that girl from last night. Take her to a movie tonight. Are you kidding? +Are you kidding? Listen, Angie, I wanna tell you, you were very impolite last night. I introduced you to the girl, you just turned and walked off. Now, why did you do that? +Listen, Angie, I wanna tell you, you were very impolite last night. I introduced you to the girl, you just turned and walked off. Now, why did you do that? You got me mad, that's why. Hey, Joe, show Marty that picture. +Marty, let's go downna Seventy-Second Street area tonight. I don't feel like going, Angie. I thought I'd take this girl to a movie. +I don't feel like going, Angie. I thought I'd take this girl to a movie. Boy, you really musta made out good last night. +Boy, you really musta made out good last night. We just talked. +We just talked. Boy, she musta been some talker. She musta been about fifty years old. +I didn't think she was so bad-looking. She musta kept you inna shadows all night. +I told this dog I was gonna call her today about two-thirty. Brush her. Listen, you wanna come with me tonight, or you wanna go with this dog? +Brush her. Listen, you wanna come with me tonight, or you wanna go with this dog? Waddaya getting so sore about? +Waddaya getting so sore about? I looked all over for you last night, you know that? +Marty, your mother wants you onna phone. Come on over about half past seven, we'll think of something. Hello, Ma, what's the matter? +Hello, Lou, Angie come in yet? He was here last night till about two o'clock. I hear you really got stuck with a dog last night. +He was here last night till about two o'clock. I hear you really got stuck with a dog last night. Who told you that? +Who told you that? Angie. He says she was a real scrawny- looking thing. +Angie. He says she was a real scrawny- looking thing. She wasn't so bad. +Hey! What are you doing here? I came to see you. How you feel? +I gotta pain in my left side, and my leg throbs like a drum. I been getting a pain in my shoulder. +I been getting a pain in my shoulder. I gotta pains in my shoulder too. I have a pain in my hip, and my right arm aches so much I can't sleep. It's a curse to be old. How you feel? +I gotta pains in my shoulder too. I have a pain in my hip, and my right arm aches so much I can't sleep. It's a curse to be old. How you feel? I feel fine. +I feel fine. That's nice. +We gotta postcard from my son Nickie and his bride. They're inna big hotel in Florida on their honeymoon. Everything is very nice. That's nice. I gotta letter from my husband's cousin in Abruzzi. His mother died. +That's nice. I gotta letter from my husband's cousin in Abruzzi. His mother died. Oh. +Oh. Do you remember Emilio DiGiorgio, owned the tavern in Abruzzi? +Do you remember Emilio DiGiorgio, owned the tavern in Abruzzi? I don't think I remember him. +I don't think I remember him. Well, he died. You know who else died? +Well, he died. You know who else died? Who? +Who? You know the old man upstairs in this house. Old Irishman, always drunk. He got pleurisy. He was inna hospital two weeks. He died yesterday. +You know the old man upstairs in this house. Old Irishman, always drunk. He got pleurisy. He was inna hospital two weeks. He died yesterday. Well, I always like to visit you, Catherine, because you always got such cheerful news. +"I wake up this morning, I hear the baby crying. So I wake up. I come in their room. That girl is shaking her hand atta baby. I said, ""You brute! Don't you strike that baby! That's my son's baby!""" It's her baby too, you know. +It's her baby too, you know. That's my son Thomas's baby. +That's my son Thomas's baby. Well, it ain't your baby. +Well, it ain't your baby. Did I tell you she threw the bottle- a milk at me? +Did I tell you she threw the bottle- a milk at me? You told me. +You told me. She's a witch, that one. I tell you what happen yesterday? +She's a witch, that one. I tell you what happen yesterday? What happen? +What happen? She gave me the evil eye. +Ufa! I keep one eye open when I sleep, because she's gonna come in, stab me in my bed. +I keep one eye open when I sleep, because she's gonna come in, stab me in my bed. Catherine, I want you come live in my house with Marty and me. +Ah? You son Thomas and Virginia, they come to my house this afternoon... +You son Thomas and Virginia, they come to my house this afternoon... Who? +Who? Your son Thomas and his wife Virginia... +Your son Thomas and his wife Virginia... When was this? +When was this? This afternoon, about four, five o'clock. +This afternoon, about four, five o'clock. What they say? +What they say? You know what they say. They say things are no good in this house. Catherine, your son is married. Leave him in peace. He wantsa be alone with his wife. They don't want no old lady sitting inna balcony. Now I tell you what I think. I want you come live with me in my house with Marty and me. In my house, you have your own room. You don't have to sleep onna couch inna living room like here. We will cook inna kitchen and talk like when we were girls. You are dear to me, and you are dear to Marty. We are pleased for you to come. +My son Thomas came to see you this afternoon, and he said to you he wants to cast his mother from his house? Catherine, don't make an opera outta this. The three-a you anna baby live in three skinny rooms. You are an old goat, and she has an Italian temper. She is a good girl, but you drive her crazy. Catherine, you are no fool. You know this is no good, an old woman living with a husband and wife. Two women inna same kitchen, anna house burns down. +So I am an old garbage bag, put inna street. Oh, Catherine, please! Don't make a tragedy. You come to my house where you know you be happier yourself. +Oh, Catherine, please! Don't make a tragedy. You come to my house where you know you be happier yourself. It pains that they should do this. +It pains that they should do this. I know it pains. +Catherine, you are very dear to me. We have cried many times together. When my husband died, I would have gone insane if it were not for you. I ask you to come to my house, because I can make you happy. Please come to my house. These are the worst years. I tell you. It's gonna happen to you. I'm afraida look inna mirror. I'm afraid I'm gonna see an old lady with white hair, like the old ladies inna park, little bundles inna black shawl, waiting for the coffin. I'm fifty- six years old. What am I to do with myself? I have strength in my hands. I wanna cook. I wanna clean. I wanna make dinner for my children. Am I an old dog to lie in fronta the fire til my eyes close? These are the terrible years, Theresa! Terrible years! +These are the worst years. I tell you. It's gonna happen to you. I'm afraida look inna mirror. I'm afraid I'm gonna see an old lady with white hair, like the old ladies inna park, little bundles inna black shawl, waiting for the coffin. I'm fifty- six years old. What am I to do with myself? I have strength in my hands. I wanna cook. I wanna clean. I wanna make dinner for my children. Am I an old dog to lie in fronta the fire til my eyes close? These are the terrible years, Theresa! Terrible years! Catherine, my sister... +Hey, I come home from your house last night, Marty was here with a girl. Who? +Who? Marty. +Marty. Your son Marty? +Your son Marty? Well, what Marty you think is gonna be here in this house with a girl? +Well, what Marty you think is gonna be here in this house with a girl? Were the lights on? +Were the lights on? Oh sure. This girl is a college graduate. +Oh sure. This girl is a college graduate. They're the worst. College girls are one step from the streets. They smoke like men inna saloon. My son Joseph, his wife, you know, she types onna typewriter. One step from the streets, I tell you. Mrs. Pilletti ponders this philosophy for a moment. +They're the worst. College girls are one step from the streets. They smoke like men inna saloon. My son Joseph, his wife, you know, she types onna typewriter. One step from the streets, I tell you. Mrs. Pilletti ponders this philosophy for a moment. That's the first time Marty ever brought a girl to this house. She seems like a nice girl. I think he has a feeling for this girl. You heard him sing. He been singing like that all morning. +"Well, that's all. You will see. Today, tomorrow, inna week, he's gonna say to you, ""Hey, Ma, it's no good being a single man. I'm tired-a running around."" Then he's gonna say, ""Hey, Ma, wadda we need this old house? Why don't we sell this old house, move into a nicer parta town? A nice little apartment?""" I don't sell this house, I tell you that. This is my husband's house. I had six children in this house. +I don't sell this house, I tell you that. This is my husband's house. I had six children in this house. You will see. A coupla months, you gonna be an old lady, sleeping onna couch in her daughter-in-law's house. +You will see. A coupla months, you gonna be an old lady, sleeping onna couch in her daughter-in-law's house. Catherine, you are a blanket of gloom. Wherever you are, the rain follows. Someday, you gonna smile, and we gonna declare a holiday. +You come up here often? I was up here twice before. Once with a friend of mine and once I came up alone. The last time... do you see that girl in the gray dress sitting over there? +I was up here twice before. Once with a friend of mine and once I came up alone. The last time... do you see that girl in the gray dress sitting over there? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, the last time I was up here, that's where I sat. I sat there for an hour and a half, without moving a muscle. Now and then, some fellow would sort of walk up to me and then change his mind. I'll never forget just sitting there for an hour and a half with my hands in my lap. Then I began to cry, and I had to get up and go home. +Well, the last time I was up here, that's where I sat. I sat there for an hour and a half, without moving a muscle. Now and then, some fellow would sort of walk up to me and then change his mind. I'll never forget just sitting there for an hour and a half with my hands in my lap. Then I began to cry, and I had to get up and go home. I cry a lot too. I'm a big cryer. +I cry a lot too. I'm a big cryer. This is something recent with me, this bursting into tears at the least thing. +This is something recent with me, this bursting into tears at the least thing. Oh, I cry all the time, any little thing. My brothers, my brother-in- laws, they're always telling me what a goodhearted guy I am. Well, you don't get goodhearted by accident. You get kicked around long enough, you get to be a real professor of pain. I know exactly how you feel. And I also want you to know I'm having a very good time with you now and really enjoying myself. So you see, you're not such a dog as you think you are. +Oh, I cry all the time, any little thing. My brothers, my brother-in- laws, they're always telling me what a goodhearted guy I am. Well, you don't get goodhearted by accident. You get kicked around long enough, you get to be a real professor of pain. I know exactly how you feel. And I also want you to know I'm having a very good time with you now and really enjoying myself. So you see, you're not such a dog as you think you are. I'm having a very good time, too. +I'm having a very good time, too. So there you are. So I guess I'm not such a dog as I think I am. +So there you are. So I guess I'm not such a dog as I think I am. You're a very nice guy, and I don't know why some girl hasn't grabbed you off long ago. +You're a very nice guy, and I don't know why some girl hasn't grabbed you off long ago. I don't know either. I think I'm a very nice guy. I also think I'm a pretty smart guy in my own way. +I'm twenty-nine years old. How old are you? I'm thirty-four. +...you teach chemistry? That's funny. Where? What school? Benjamin Franklin High School. +Benjamin Franklin High School. Benjamin Franklin, where's that? Brooklyn? I went to Theodore Roosevelt right up here on Fordham Road. It's right arounna corner from my house. I have a cousin who's a teacher. He teaches Latin. He lives in Chicago. He was studying to be a Jesuit, but he gave it up after his first vows. +You gotta real nice face, you know? It's really a nice face. Thank you. +...When I got outta the army, Clara, I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was twenny-five years old, what was I gonna do, go back to my old job, forty cents an hour. I thought maybe I go to college under the G.I. Biller Rights, you know? But I wouldn't graduate till I was twenny-eight, twenny-nine years old, even if I made it in three years. And my brother Freddie wanted to get married, and I had three unmarried sisters -- in an Italian home, that's a terrible thing. And my kid brother Nickie, he's a one got married last week. So I just went to pieces. I used to walk inna streets till three, four o'clock inna mornings. My mother used to be so worried about me. My uncle Mario come over one time. He offered me a job driving his hack onna night shift. He got his own cab, you know. And God forgive me for what I'm gonna say now, but I used to thinka doing away with myself. I used to stand sometimes in the subway, and God forgive me what I'm going to say, I used to feel the tracks sucking me down under the wheels. Yes, I know. +Yes, I know. I'm a Catholic, you know, and even to think about suicide is a terrible sin. +I'm a Catholic, you know, and even to think about suicide is a terrible sin. Yes, I know. +Yes, I know. So then Mr. Gazzara -- he was a frienda my father -- he offered me this job in his butcher shop, and everybody pleaded with me to take it. So that's what happened. I didn't wanna be a butcher. +So then Mr. Gazzara -- he was a frienda my father -- he offered me this job in his butcher shop, and everybody pleaded with me to take it. So that's what happened. I didn't wanna be a butcher. There's nothing wrong with being a butcher. +There's nothing wrong with being a butcher. Well, I wouldn't call it an elegant profession. It's in a lower social scale. People look down on butchers. +Well, I wouldn't call it an elegant profession. It's in a lower social scale. People look down on butchers. I don't. +Well, the point is Mr. Gazzara wantsa sell his shop now, because he and his wife are lonely, and they wanna move out to California in Los Angeles and live near their married daughter. Because she's always writing them to come out there. So it's a nice little shop. I handle his books for him, so I know he has a thirty-five percent markup which is not unreasonable, and he takes home net maybe a hundred, hundred and fifty bucks a week. The point is, of course, you gotta worry about the supermarkets. There's two inna neighborhood now, and there's an A&P coming in, at least that's the rumor. Of course, mosta his trade is strictly Italian, but the younger Italian girls, they get married, and they don't stick to the old Italian dishes so much. I mean, you gotta take that into account too. It's my feeling that you really want to buy this shop, Marty. +It's my feeling that you really want to buy this shop, Marty. That's true. I do. But I'm gonna have to take outta loan inna bank eight thousand dollars. That's a big note to carry, because I have to give Mr. Gazzara a mortgage, and what I have to weigh is: will it pay off in the end more than I can make onna salary? +Wadda you think? I think anything you want to do, you'll do well. +I only got about three bucks on me now, but I just live about eight blocks from here on the other side of Webster Avenue. Why don't we walk back to my house? I'll run in, pick up some dough, and let's step out somewhere. I really should get home... +It's only a quarter of twelve. The clock's right over there. I really should get home, I told my father... Well, I suppose a little while longer. I wonder if there's any place around here I could put some makeup on... +...It's really a fine opportunity for me. But I'm not sure I want to be a department head. It's mostly executive and administrative work. Well, anyway, I told you about my father, and he depends on me a great deal, and... Why don't you just move out to Portchester? +Why don't you just move out to Portchester? Well, that's what I was saying. My father is getting old. And we're very close. He's a wonderful man, really... +"I think you're kidding yourself, Clara. I used to think about moving out, you know? And that's what I used to say. ""My mother needs me."" But when you really get down to it, that ain't it at all. Actually, you need your father. You know what I mean? You're living at home, and you got your father and mother there, and you can go on like that -- being a little girl all your life." I'm afraid of being lonely. +I'm afraid of being lonely. Oh, you won't be so lonely. You'll make friends right away. +Oh, you won't be so lonely. You'll make friends right away. Actually, I don't make friends easily. +Actually, I don't make friends easily. What're you talking about? You're a real likeable person. You'll make friends out there in Portchester one, two, three. You'll have people visiting you alla time. I'll come visit you. I'll borrow my brother Freddie's car, or you can call me up when you feel blue, or I'll call you up. And it's gonna be nice. Don't be so afraid. +This is the kitchen. Yes, I know. +Yes, I know. Come on inna dining room. +Siddown, take off your coat. You want something to eat? We gotta whole half-chicken in the icebox. No, thank you. I don't think I should stay very long. +No, thank you. I don't think I should stay very long. Sure. Just take off your coat a minute. +So I was telling you, my kid brother Nickie got married last Sunday. That was a very nice affair. And they had this statue of some woman, and they had whiskey spouting outta her mouth. I never saw anything so grand in my life. And watta meal. I'm a butcher, so I know a good hunka steak when I see one. That was choice filet, right off the toppa the chuck. A buck eighty a pound. Of course, if you wanna cheaper cut, get rib steak. That gotta lotta waste on it, but it comes to about a buck and a quarter a pound, if it's trimmed. Listen, Clara, make yourself comfortable. You're all tense. Oh, I'm fine. +Oh, I'm fine. You want me to take you home, I'll take you home. +You want me to take you home, I'll take you home. Maybe that would be a good idea. +No, Marty, please... I like you. I like you. I been telling you all night, I like you... +I like you. I like you. I been telling you all night, I like you... Marty... +Marty... I just wanna kiss, that's all. +No... Please... +Please... No... +No... Please... +Please... Marty... +Waddaya doing tomorrow night? Nothing. +Nothing. I'll call you up tomorrow morning. Maybe, we'll go see a movie. +I'll call you up tomorrow morning. Maybe, we'll go see a movie. I'd like that very much. +I'd like that very much. The reason I can't be definite about it now is my Aunt Catherine is probably coming over tomorrow, and I may have to help out. +The reason I can't be definite about it now is my Aunt Catherine is probably coming over tomorrow, and I may have to help out. I'll wait for your call. +I'll wait for your call. We better get started to your house, because the buses only run about one an hour now. +We better get started to your house, because the buses only run about one an hour now. All right. +Waddaya doing New Year's Eve? Nothing. +What happened, Angie, was that we thought we were just gonna go for a short walk, and then we thought we were gonna come right back, but we got to talking. Listen, Angie, I want you to meet Clara... Clara, this is my best friend, Angie. I told you about him. How do you do? +You got an elevator in this house? We just live one flight up. +We just live one flight up. So I'll call you tomorrow. +So I'll call you tomorrow. Okay. +Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow night then. Okay. +Siddown, siddown. You want some chicken? We got some chicken in the ice box. No, Mrs. Pilletti. We were just going home. Thank you very much anyway. +No, Mrs. Pilletti. We were just going home. Thank you very much anyway. Well, siddown a minute. I just come inna house. I'll take off my coat. Siddown a minute. +No, thank you, really, Mrs. Pilletti. It's a very sad business, I tell you. A woman, fifty-six years old, all her life, she had her own home. Now she's just an old lady, sleeping on her daughter-in-law's couch. It's a curse to be a mother, I tell you. Your children grow up and then what is left for you to do? What is a mother's life but her children? It is a very cruel thing when your son has no place for you in his home. +It's a very sad business, I tell you. A woman, fifty-six years old, all her life, she had her own home. Now she's just an old lady, sleeping on her daughter-in-law's couch. It's a curse to be a mother, I tell you. Your children grow up and then what is left for you to do? What is a mother's life but her children? It is a very cruel thing when your son has no place for you in his home. Couldn't she find some sort of hobby to fill out her time? +Couldn't she find some sort of hobby to fill out her time? Hobby! What can she do? She cooks and she cleans. You gotta have a house to clean. You gotta have children to cook for. These are the terrible years for a woman, the terrible years. +Hobby! What can she do? She cooks and she cleans. You gotta have a house to clean. You gotta have children to cook for. These are the terrible years for a woman, the terrible years. You mustn't feel too harshly against her daughter-in-law. She also wants to have a house to clean and a family to cook for. +You don't think my sister Catherine should live in her daughter-in-law's house? Well, I don't know the people, of course, but as a rule, I don't think a mother-in-law should live with a young couple. +Well, I don't know the people, of course, but as a rule, I don't think a mother-in-law should live with a young couple. Where do you think a mother-in-law should go? +Where do you think a mother-in-law should go? I don't think a mother should depend so much upon her children for her rewards in life. +I don't think a mother should depend so much upon her children for her rewards in life. Well, maybe that's what they teach you in New York University. In real life, it don't work out that way. You wait till you are a mother. +Well, maybe that's what they teach you in New York University. In real life, it don't work out that way. You wait till you are a mother. It's silly of me to argue about it. I don't know the people involved. +It was very nice meeting you, Mrs. Pilletti. I hope I'll see you again. Sure. +Goodnight, Mrs. Pilletti. Goodnight. +You say something? Yeah. I was just asking you if you was here stag or with a girl. +Yeah. I was just asking you if you was here stag or with a girl. I'm stag. +I'm stag. Well, I'll tell you. I got stuck on a blind date with a dog, and I just met an old girl I used to know, and I was wondering how I'm gonna get rid of the girl I'm with. Somebody to take her home, you know what I mean? I'd be glad to pay you five bucks if you take her home for me. +Well, I'll tell you. I got stuck on a blind date with a dog, and I just met an old girl I used to know, and I was wondering how I'm gonna get rid of the girl I'm with. Somebody to take her home, you know what I mean? I'd be glad to pay you five bucks if you take her home for me. What? +What? I'll take you over, and I'll introduce you as an old army buddy of mine, and then I'll cut out. Because I got this other girl waiting for me out by the hatcheck, and I'll pay you five bucks. +I'll take you over, and I'll introduce you as an old army buddy of mine, and then I'll cut out. Because I got this other girl waiting for me out by the hatcheck, and I'll pay you five bucks. Are you kidding? +Are you kidding? No, I'm not kidding. +No, I'm not kidding. You can't just walk off onna girl like that. +Herbie! Wadda you doing here?! I came up to dance, wadda you think? You here with somebody? +I came up to dance, wadda you think? You here with somebody? I'm just here with another girl. +I'm just here with another girl. Where you going now? +Where you going now? I'm just gonna get my cigarettes. I left them in my coat. +I'm just gonna get my cigarettes. I left them in my coat. I'll see you around. +I'll see you around. I'll see you. +She was always a bit thin in the hips... Well, at the time she told me this, she already had six. Every time I saw the woman, she was either... +And that husband of hers is a skinny bit of a fellow, isn't he? Well, I bumped into her on the street, and she was as big as a barrel. +Oh, that's nice. So the doctor was wrong, wasn't he? Oh, no! She died right in the hospital... +Oh, no! She died right in the hospital... Oh, that's a sad story. And her husband is that little fellow, works in Peter Reeves. +Oh, that's a sad story. And her husband is that little fellow, works in Peter Reeves. That's the one. +That's the one. Oh, that's a sad story. +"...so the whole book winds up, Mike Hammer, he's inna room there with this doll. So he says, ""You rat, you are the murderer."" So she begins to con him, you know? She tells him how she loves him. And then Bam! He shoots her in the stomach. So she's laying there, gasping for breath, and she says, ""How could you do that?"" And he says, ""It was easy.""" Boy, that Mickey Spillane, boy he can write. +What I like about Mickey Spillane is he knows how to handle women. In one book, he picks up a tomato who gets hit with a car, and she throws a pass at him. And then he meets two beautiful twins, and they throw passes at him. And then he meets some beautiful society leader, and she throws a pass at him, and... Boy, that Mickey Spillane, he sure can write. +I always figure a guy oughta marry a girl who's twenny years younger than he is so that when he's forty, his wife is a real nice-looking doll. That means he'd have to marry the girl when she was one year old. +That means he'd have to marry the girl when she was one year old. I never thoughta that. +What time is it? About eight o'clock. +Tommy, before you go, I wonder if you gimme a little advice. Sure, what? +Sure, what? You're the accountant inna family, and I figure you might know about these things. My boss wantsa sell his shop to me. His kids are all married, you know, and he and his wife live alone, and they wanna move out to California where his daughter lives, so he wantsa sell his shop. He wants five thousand dollars down, although I think I can knock him downa four... +All right, I'll see you, Thomas, because he wants an answer by Monday. Sure. Thanks a lot about my mother. We'll work out some arrangement, because naturally I want to pay... +Sure. Thanks a lot about my mother. We'll work out some arrangement, because naturally I want to pay... Don't worry about it. +Don't worry about it. No, listen, that's my mother, I'm gonna pay for her... +Boy, beautiful day, hey, Thomas? Sure, great if you ain't married. +Tommy, gimme a coupla minutes, because I promised Mr. Gazzara I'd let him know tomorrow. See, what I wanna know, Tom, if a buncha individual retail merchants get together, how does it operate? On individual mark- ups? You know what I mean? Say I'm the butcher and Aldo Capelli, he's the dairyman and grocer, so suppose I mark up thirty-five percent, but he works on forty, so... Waddaya talking about, do you know what you're talking about? +Waddaya talking about, do you know what you're talking about? No, I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. +Wadda you wanna buy a shop for, will you tell me? You gotta good job, you got no wife, you got no responsibilities. Boy, I wish I was you, boy. Waddaya wanna tie yourself down with a shop? What's he want? Five thousand down? You're gonna have to carry a mortgage sixty, seventy bucks a month. A mortgage anna note from the bank. For Pete's sake, you're a single man with no responsibilities. Stay that way, boy. Take my advice. Well, you see, Thomas I figure the big problem is the supermarkets. But Patsy's shop, that's a specialized trade. The supermarkets don't carry Italian meat. +Well, you see, Thomas I figure the big problem is the supermarkets. But Patsy's shop, that's a specialized trade. The supermarkets don't carry Italian meat. Who buys Italian meat anymore? You think my wife buys Italian meat? She goes to the A&P, picks up some lamb chops wrapped in cellophane, opens up a canna peas, and that's dinner, boy. +Well, I understand the problem about the supermarkets, but I was talking to this girl last night, and she made the point that a likeable personality is a valuable business asset. Marty, see that my mother is nice and comfortable, eh? +Marty, see that my mother is nice and comfortable, eh? Sure. This girl said... +Sure. This girl said... What girl, what does she know? Why don't you let her hold the baby once in a while?! Your mother, boy, she wantsa take the kid for a day, that's fine! +Hello, Marty, when you coming home? Where you now? Because your cousin Thomas and his wife Virginia, they're here. They had another fight with your Aunt Catherine... I don't know... I'm coming home right now, Ma. I'll be home in about two minutes. Tell Thomas stick around, I wanna see him about something. +Hello, Ma. Marty, Thomas and Virginia are here. They had another fight with your Aunt Catherine. So they ask me, would it be all right if Catherine come to live with us. So I said, all right with me, but we have to ask you. Marty, she's a lonely old lady. Nobody wants her. Everybody's throwing her outta their house... +Marty, Thomas and Virginia are here. They had another fight with your Aunt Catherine. So they ask me, would it be all right if Catherine come to live with us. So I said, all right with me, but we have to ask you. Marty, she's a lonely old lady. Nobody wants her. Everybody's throwing her outta their house... Sure, Ma, it's okay with me. +Sure, Ma, it's okay with me. You gotta good heart. +Oh, we got plenny-a room here. Sure! Sure! It's gonna be nice! It's gonna be nice! I'll come over tonight to your house, and I talk with Catherine, and you see, everything is gonna work out all right. +So what are you gonna do tonight, Marty? I don't know, Ma. I'm all knocked out. I may just hang arounna house. +What? I say, why don't you go to the Stardust Ballroom? It's loaded with tomatoes. +It's loaded with what? Tomatoes. +Tomatoes. Ha! Who told you about the Stardust Ballroom? +Ha! Who told you about the Stardust Ballroom? Thomas. He told me it was a very nice place. +Thomas. He told me it was a very nice place. Oh, Thomas. Ma, it's just a big dance hall, and that's all it is. I been there a hundred times. Loaded with tomatoes. Boy, you're funny, Ma. +Oh, Thomas. Ma, it's just a big dance hall, and that's all it is. I been there a hundred times. Loaded with tomatoes. Boy, you're funny, Ma. Marty, I don't want you hang arounna house tonight. I want you to go take a shave and go out and dance. +Marty, I don't want you hang arounna house tonight. I want you to go take a shave and go out and dance. Ma, when are you gonna give up? You gotta bachelor on your hands. I ain't never gonna get married. +Ma, when are you gonna give up? You gotta bachelor on your hands. I ain't never gonna get married. You gonna get married. +You gonna get married. Sooner or later, there comes a point in a man's life when he gotta face some facts, and one fact I gotta face is that whatever it is that women like, I ain't got it. I chased enough girls in my life. I went to enough dances. I got hurt enough. I don't wanna get hurt no more. I just called a girl just now, and I got a real brush-off, boy. I figured I was past the point of being hurt, but that hurt. Some stupid woman who I didn't even wanna call up. She gave me the brush. I don't wanna go to the Stardust Ballroom because all that ever happened to me there was girls made me feel like I was a bug. I got feelings, you know. I had enough pain. No, thank you. +Sooner or later, there comes a point in a man's life when he gotta face some facts, and one fact I gotta face is that whatever it is that women like, I ain't got it. I chased enough girls in my life. I went to enough dances. I got hurt enough. I don't wanna get hurt no more. I just called a girl just now, and I got a real brush-off, boy. I figured I was past the point of being hurt, but that hurt. Some stupid woman who I didn't even wanna call up. She gave me the brush. I don't wanna go to the Stardust Ballroom because all that ever happened to me there was girls made me feel like I was a bug. I got feelings, you know. I had enough pain. No, thank you. Marty... +Marty... Ma, I'm gonna stay home and watch Jackie Gleason. +Ma, I'm gonna stay home and watch Jackie Gleason. You gonna die without a son. +You gonna die without a son. So I'll die without a son. +So I'll die without a son. Put on your blue suit... +Put on your blue suit... Blue suit, gray suit, I'm still a fat man. A fat ugly man. +Blue suit, gray suit, I'm still a fat man. A fat ugly man. You not ugly. +You not ugly. I'm ugly... I'm ugly! I'm UGLY! +I'm ugly... I'm ugly! I'm UGLY! Marty... +Marty... Ma! Leave me alone! +Hello, Marty, when you come home? We just got here about fifteen minutes ago. Ma, I want you to meet Miss Clara Snyder. She's graduate of New York University. She teaches chemistry in Benjamin Franklin High School. +How'd you come home, Ma? Thomas give you a ride? Oh, it's a sad business. My sister, Catherine, she don't get along with her daughter-in-law, so she's gonna come live with us. +Oh, it's a sad business. My sister, Catherine, she don't get along with her daughter-in-law, so she's gonna come live with us. Oh, she's coming, eh, Ma? +Oh, she's coming, eh, Ma? Oh, sure. Siddown, siddown. Marty, tell her siddown. +Oh, sure. Siddown, siddown. Marty, tell her siddown. Might as well siddown a minute, Clara. +Did you offer the young lady some fruit? I offered her, Ma, she don't want nothing. +Ma, I'm gonna take her home now. It's getting late, and the buses only run about one an hour. Sure. +All right, Ma. I'll be back in about an hour, an hour anna half. Sure. +Hello, Ma, waddaya say, it's getting a little late. Sure. +That was a nice girl last night, Marty. She wasn't a very good-looking girl, but she looks like a nice girl. I said, she wasn't a very good-looking girl... not very pretty... I heard you, Ma. +I heard you, Ma. She looks a little old for you. About thirty-five, forty years old? +She looks a little old for you. About thirty-five, forty years old? She's twenty-nine, Ma. +She's more than twenty-nine years old, Marty. That's what she tells you. What, Ma? +What, Ma? She looks thirty-five, forty. She didn't look Italian to me. +I said, is she Italian girl? I don't know. I don't think so. +What are you talking about? She's a nice girl. She didn't look Italian to me. +I don't like her. You don't like her. You only met her for two minutes. +You don't like her. You only met her for two minutes. Don't bring her to the house no more. +Don't bring her to the house no more. What didn't you like about her? +What didn't you like about her? I don't know! She don't look like Italian to me. Plenny a nice Italian girls around. +I don't know! She don't look like Italian to me. Plenny a nice Italian girls around. Well, let's not get inna fight about it, Ma. +So what are you gonna do tonight, Marty? I don't know, Ma. I'm all knocked out. I think I'll just hang arounna house and watch... +So these two girls come over to the bar... Hey, Ang'... +Hey, Ang'... ...and they sit down right next to me... +...and they sit down right next to me... You want a beer, Ang'? +You want a beer, Ang'? I look over at this one nexta me, not bad, about thirty-five -- Hiya, Marty... +I look over at this one nexta me, not bad, about thirty-five -- Hiya, Marty... Hiya, Ralph... +Hiya, Ralph... ...I been talking about two nurses Leo and me picked up in a bar on Seventy-First Street. +...I been talking about two nurses Leo and me picked up in a bar on Seventy-First Street. Hey, Lou, gimme two bottles-a beer... +Hey, Lou, gimme two bottles-a beer... So, Marty, lemme tell you about these nurses, Marty... +So, Marty, lemme tell you about these nurses, Marty... Waddaya read there, Joe? +So, Marty, let me tell you about these nurses... What nurses? +What nurses? The nurses Leo and me picked up last night. We got a date with them tonight. +The nurses Leo and me picked up last night. We got a date with them tonight. You still owe me ten bucks from last week, if that's what you're working up to. +Hello, Ralph. Hey, Marty, come over here a minute. +Waddaya mean, Ralph? Hey, Louise, I want you to meet Marty Pilletti. Marty, that's Louise Kelly, inna back seat there. +Hey, Louise, I want you to meet Marty Pilletti. Marty, that's Louise Kelly, inna back seat there. Hiya. +I'm with a girl, Ralph. Get ridda her. This is money inna bank. +Get ridda her. This is money inna bank. I can't do that, Ralph, because somebody already brushed her off once tonight. +I can't do that, Ralph, because somebody already brushed her off once tonight. This is a good deal here, Marty. +Hello, Ralph. How'd you make out with those nurses last night, Ralph? Oh man, you shoulda come with us last night, Marty. That one for you was a real lunatic. How'd you make out? +Your kid brother got married last Sunday, eh, Marty? That's right, Missus Fusari. It was a very nice affair. +That's right, Missus Fusari. It was a very nice affair. That's the big tall one, the fellow with the moustache. +That's the big tall one, the fellow with the moustache. No, that's my other brother, Freddie. My other brother Freddie, he's been married four years already. He lives down on Webb Avenue. The one who got married Sunday, that was my little brother, Nickie. +No, that's my other brother, Freddie. My other brother Freddie, he's been married four years already. He lives down on Webb Avenue. The one who got married Sunday, that was my little brother, Nickie. I thought he was a big tall fat fellow. Didn't I meet him here one time? Big tall, fat fellow, he tried to sell me life insurance? +No, that's my sister Margaret's husband, Frank. My sister Margaret, she's married to the insurance salesman, and my sister Rose, she married a contractor. They moved to Detroit last year. And my other sister Frances, she got married about two and a half years ago in Saint John's Church on Kingsbridge Avenue. Oh, that was a big affair. Well, let's see now, that'll be about a dollar- seventy-nine. How's that with you? Well... +"When you gonna get married, Marty? You should be ashamed of yourself. All your brothers and sisters, they all younger than you, they married and they got children. I just saw your mother inna fruit shop, and she says to me, ""Hey, you know a nice girl for my boy Marty?"" Watsa matter with you? That's no way. Now you get married." Missus Fusari, Missus Canduso over there, she's inna big hurry, and... +My son Frank, he was married when he was nineteen years old. Watsa matter with you? That's swell, Missus Fusari. +That's swell, Missus Fusari. You should be ashamed of yourself. +All right, Ginnie, don't get so excited. She's right. She's right. Young husband and wife, they should have their own home. And my sister Catherine, she's my sister, but I gotta admit, she's an old goat. And plenty-a times in my life, I feel like throwing the milk bottle at her myself. And I tell you now, as far as I'm concerned, if Catherine wantsa come live here with me and Marty, it's all right with me. +That's very nice-a you, Aunt Theresa. We gotta ask Marty, of course. +We gotta ask Marty, of course. Sure. +Sure. You just sit here, I gotta turn the fire on under the cooking. +Oh, he'll get married, don't worry, Aunt Theresa. Well, I don't know. He sits arounna house alla time. You know a place he can go where he can find a bride? +Well, I don't know. He sits arounna house alla time. You know a place he can go where he can find a bride? "Well, there's the Stardust Ballroom. That's a kind of a big dance hall. Every Saturday night, it's just loaded with girls. It's a nice place to go. You pay seventy-seven cents. It used to be seventy-seven cents. It must be about a buck and half now. And you go in and you ask some girl to dance. That's how I met Virginia. Nice, respectable place to meet girls. You tell Marty, Aunt Theresa, you tell him, ""Go to the Stardust Ballroom. It's loaded with tomatoes.""" +"Well, there's the Stardust Ballroom. That's a kind of a big dance hall. Every Saturday night, it's just loaded with girls. It's a nice place to go. You pay seventy-seven cents. It used to be seventy-seven cents. It must be about a buck and half now. And you go in and you ask some girl to dance. That's how I met Virginia. Nice, respectable place to meet girls. You tell Marty, Aunt Theresa, you tell him, ""Go to the Stardust Ballroom. It's loaded with tomatoes.""" The Stardust Ballroom. It's loaded with tomatoes. +The Stardust Ballroom. It's loaded with tomatoes. Right. +He says okay, it's all right Catherine comes here. Oh, Marty, thanks a lot. That really takes a load offa my mind. +I just wanna thank you people again, because the situation was just becoming impossible. Siddown, Thomas, siddown. +Hello, Aunt Theresa. Hello, Thomas. +Hello, Thomas. I just this minute got the baby to sleep. +Aunt Theresa, we figure the best way to ask her is you say that you're very lonely, see? And wouldn't she come and keep you company, because that way, you see... Don't worry. I'm gonna take care-a the whole thing. +Ma, you want something to eat, some tuna fish? Hey, why don't you go to the movie? Your mother and me, we're gonna be baby-sitter. +Hello, Aunt Theresa. Hello, Thomas, how do you feel? +Hello, Thomas, how do you feel? Ah, my mother, she drives me crazy. I hadda beg her to let me drive her over here. The martyr. She always gotta be the big martyr. +He coming home right now. So what happened, Aunt Theresa, about the milk bottle was my mother-in- law, she comes inna kitchen, Aunt Theresa, and she begins poking her head over my shoulder here and poking her head over my shoulder there, so then she begins telling me how I waste money and how I can't cook, and how I'm raising my baby all wrong, so she got me so nervous, I spilled some milk I was making for the baby... +So what happened, Aunt Theresa, about the milk bottle was my mother-in- law, she comes inna kitchen, Aunt Theresa, and she begins poking her head over my shoulder here and poking her head over my shoulder there, so then she begins telling me how I waste money and how I can't cook, and how I'm raising my baby all wrong, so she got me so nervous, I spilled some milk I was making for the baby... "She was here, you know, Wednesday, and I said, ""Catherine, my sister...""" +"She was here, you know, Wednesday, and I said, ""Catherine, my sister...""" "So she say, ""You're spilling the milk."" So she kept talking about these coupla drops of milk I spilled, so she got me so mad, so I said, ""Mama, you wanna see me really spill some milk?"" So I took the bottle, and I threw it against the door. I didn't throw it at her. That's just something she made up. She goes around telling everybody I threw the bottla milk at her. I didn't throw it anywheres near her. Well, I was sorry right away, you know, but she ran outta the house." +"So she say, ""You're spilling the milk."" So she kept talking about these coupla drops of milk I spilled, so she got me so mad, so I said, ""Mama, you wanna see me really spill some milk?"" So I took the bottle, and I threw it against the door. I didn't throw it at her. That's just something she made up. She goes around telling everybody I threw the bottla milk at her. I didn't throw it anywheres near her. Well, I was sorry right away, you know, but she ran outta the house." Well, I don't know what you want me to do, Virginia. If you want me, I'll go talk to her tonight. +Sure. Aunt Theresa, you got this big house here. I mean, you got this big house just for you and Marty. And I thought maybe Tommy's mother could come here and live with you and Marty. +Aunt Theresa, you got this big house here. I mean, you got this big house just for you and Marty. And I thought maybe Tommy's mother could come here and live with you and Marty. Well... +Well... "Because I called up Tommy's brother Joe, and I said, ""Joe, she's driving me crazy. Why don't you take her for a couple of years?"" And he said, ""Oh no!"" I know I sound like a terrible woman..." +"Because I called up Tommy's brother Joe, and I said, ""Joe, she's driving me crazy. Why don't you take her for a couple of years?"" And he said, ""Oh no!"" I know I sound like a terrible woman..." No, Virginia, I know how you feel. +No, Virginia, I know how you feel. I just can't stand it any more! Every minute of the day! Do this! Do that! I don't have ten minutes privacy with my husband! We can't even have a fight! We don't have no privacy! Everybody's miserable in our house! +I'm sorry we gotta rush like this... That's all right, that's all right... +That's all right, that's all right... On accounta... +On accounta... I'm gonna see you tonight... +We didn't tell her anything yet. We thought that we'd leave it to you. We thought you'd put it like how you were lonely, and why don't she come to live with you. Because that way it looks like she's doing you a favor, insteada we're throwing her out, and it won't be so cruel on her. Do you want Tommy and me to stay here with you? I think it be a better idea if you and Thomas go out, because otherwise she's gonna start a fight with you, and everybody's gonna be yelling. +Listen, let's go downa Kaplans' apartment. They told us to come down. Sure, sure. +Well, I'll tell you, Aunt Theresa... Lemme tell it, Tommy. +Lemme tell it, Tommy. Okay. +Okay. We want you to do a very big favor for us, Aunt Theresa. +That's very nice-a you, Aunt Theresa. How's Marty been lately, Aunt Theresa? +Marty, I don't know how to tell you how much I appreciate what you and your mother are doing, because the kinda thing was happening in our house was Virginia was in the kitchen making some milk for the baby. So my mother comes in... Tommy, I promised the babysitter six o'clock. +Tommy! I'll see you at mass tomorrow. We'll sit down and we'll discuss the whole thing. +Don't you think I feel lousy about this too? All right, Ginnie. I don't wanna talk anymore about it. I don't think I got one hour's sleep the whole night. Last night was the first time in my life I ever heard my mother cry, you know that? +All right, Ginnie. I don't wanna talk anymore about it. I don't think I got one hour's sleep the whole night. Last night was the first time in my life I ever heard my mother cry, you know that? Tommy... +Tommy... I don't wanna talk about it! +I know what you're gonna say. A man's gotta stop being his mother's baby sooner or later. How many times you gonna say it? She's my mother, you know. I oughta have some feelings about her, don't you think? Why do you always put me inna position of being the louse? +Why do you always put me inna position of being the louse? Virginia, I don't wanna hear no more about it! +Tommy... I don't wanna hear anymore about it, you hear me? +Wadda you so sore about? Oh shaddup, will you do me a favor? +What about the time she wanted to make an old-fashioned Italian dinner for my brother, but you wouldn't let her!? Waddaya talking about?!! +Waddaya talking about?!! Once a month you couldn't let her use the kitchen! +Once a month you couldn't let her use the kitchen! I told her she could use the kitchen any time she wanted... +I told her she could use the kitchen any time she wanted... ...You hadda be the boss inna kitchen alla time! +...You hadda be the boss inna kitchen alla time! She don't wanna use my pots and pans! +There's sort of a built-in prayer for the sick man to get well, but of course that's not the basic intention. I don't care about the intention. I just know your Cross Action is a plus on our side. I've seen it come through four times. +We wanted to tell you how you were helping us with your fixes. Well, sure, but I'm also worried about Walt Waldowski – Painless. His poker players got in an argument and asked him for a ruling, and he said what difference did it make, it was just a card game. +How they goin', Losing Preacher? What do you hear from the Pope? You talked to Walt? +You talked to Walt? He's parted his moorings. +What do you want me to do? Put in one of your fixes. Walt knows he's loused himself with the Church, but it's part of our plan to make him think he has the keys to the kingdom. Which he will think if you grease the skids for him. +Put in one of your fixes. Walt knows he's loused himself with the Church, but it's part of our plan to make him think he has the keys to the kingdom. Which he will think if you grease the skids for him. I don't think I can give absolution to a man who's about to commit suicide. It's a mortal sin. +I don't think I can give absolution to a man who's about to commit suicide. It's a mortal sin. What is, Red, the intention or the act? +What is, Red, the intention or the act? I believe it takes both. I'd have to look it up. +I believe it takes both. I'd have to look it up. Just use common sense. Your job is preventing sin, and the way to do that is give him your best Cross Action. +Nice looking kid. Going to be okay? He'll live if that's what you mean. But somebody better be around when he comes to and finds out there's nothing left between his legs. +What do I do with it Hawk? This is a little out of my line. Didn't recognize you, Red. When you get the clamp all the way down, open it as wide as you can and see if you can close it on the artery. +Y'all were short a couple cutters and we're what the Army sent. Don't you know the first thing you're supposed to do at a new post is present yourself to the commanding officer with your orders? +Don't you know the first thing you're supposed to do at a new post is present yourself to the commanding officer with your orders? Reckon so, but we been boozing all day and you work up an appetite. +Reckon so, but we been boozing all day and you work up an appetite. You're welcome to one of these, whatever they are. +You're welcome to one of these, whatever they are. They give you copies to burn. +Good. You've both been working close to the front. Never this close. +Never this close. They've hit us on Cherry Hill. I just got word. We have our slack periods but when the action starts, you'll have more work in twelve hours than a civilian surgeon does in a week. +I may need you to go to work practically immediately. But meanwhile perhaps you'd like to meet some of your fellow officers. Just one for a start. +Yeah, maybe move that nurse in. She don't seem the type to keep you awake praying. I have been in this Army a long time. I know just what you guys are up to. But there are limits... +Yes, O'Reilly? How you, Radar? +You boys'll have to go to work early. You fixing to add overtime to a twelve- hour day? The union ain't gonna like it. +What are you going to do with him? Well... I was going to name you Chief Surgeon... To consult on both shifts, yours and Frank's. +Well... I was going to name you Chief Surgeon... To consult on both shifts, yours and Frank's. Hey, that's great, Henry! Good thinking! +Stop him! Stop that man! Sure, you just blindfold him first and tie him to a stake. +Now I got you for a witness, I'm going to try again. So far all I dragged out of him is he's from Bahston and he's only been in the Army two months. Where were you when they drafted you? Home. +Home. I mean, what were you doing? Were you a resident or on a staff someplace? +I mean, what were you doing? Were you a resident or on a staff someplace? That's right. +That's right. Where? +Where? Hospital. +Hospital. Which hospital? +Which hospital? Back home. +Back home. Is there any reason why we shouldn't know the name of it? +Is there any reason why we shouldn't know the name of it? No. Or why you should. +Don't you use olives? Where you think you are, boy? They probably never seen a olive in this country. +How you, Walt? We was just fixing to have a nightcap. Pour one for Painless. +Miss you, Walt. He said it for us all, Walt. +Pulse, slow, very little pressure. Look at that right eye. +Look at that right eye. Epidural hematoma? +Epidural hematoma? I don't know what else. You've been that route a little, haven't you? +I don't know what else. You've been that route a little, haven't you? Not enough to be a pro. +She had this shiny black hair piled up on her head, but later on she let it hang loose and I'll be damned if it didn't come all the way down to her ass. I've always had a hankering for blonde pussy myself. My wife's hair is a wonderful golden yellow, and this time of year it gets even lighter. +Okay, I'm a witness, but how do you prove who's right? There's only one way. +It certainly isn't Henry's fault Hot Lips Houlihan doesn't like her name. Or her figger. +Well, he's taken care of. Scratch one hot dog. You really think we hurt him that bad? +You really think we hurt him that bad? Hell, no, all you did was knock the wind out of him. But he won't be playing any more football today. +Y'all mind the store. Four goddam months. And they don't even give you time off for good behavior. +Because is not democrash? All peoples created equal? Hey, you been sneaking some reading outside the frigging Bible! +Hey, you been sneaking some reading outside the frigging Bible! I have great interest for America, his peoples and his custom. +I have great interest for America, his peoples and his custom. Good, because we got a fine old American custom we want to teach you. You know what these are? +I don't think I should have opened my big mouth. Sorry, Ho-Jon. That's okay. Live a little, learn a little. +You – must – open – me – up – again? No, Ho-Jon, we're not going to open you up. +Thou. For Thou art with me. Welcome, welcome, welcome! What the hell's going on here? +What the hell's going on here? This is Ho-Jon, my houseboy. Our houseboy. I'm teaching him English. +This is Ho-Jon, my houseboy. Our houseboy. I'm teaching him English. Where's he gonna use that kind of talk? 'The valley of the shadow of death.' Wait a minute, Ho-Jon... I got something for you. +But first will you please kindly shut the goddam door? I don't drink intoxicants. +I don't believe it's right for you to involve a boy who's not seventeen years old yet... The door, Frank, the door! Where you from anyhow, Alaska? +The door, Frank, the door! Where you from anyhow, Alaska? Wisconsin. +Wisconsin. Same general idea. +So long, Ho-Jon. You make a mean martini, kid. +Us. Lead us not into... ...No cases over the age of temptation but deliver us eight. from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, the power and... +What? When he sees a little running room, he likes to make a show... you know, stutter steps and cross-overs and all that jazz. Also he never learned to button up when he gets hit, so if you two can get a good shot at him once, you can hurt him. +We got to stop them right here. And get ourselves another touchdown to win. I wish to hell we knew what they were plotting. +You mind if we get out of this guy's brain first? What's there to do? You found the sliver. +What's there to do? You found the sliver. There might be another tiny piece we missed. I want to look around before we close up. +There might be another tiny piece we missed. I want to look around before we close up. Perfectionist. +My name's Hawkeye Pierce. Duke Forrest. +You got directions? Ayuh, only it's early, I need a drink to wake me up. +Ayuh, only it's early, I need a drink to wake me up. I got some. +Make it yourself, or is it real? Georgia, where I come from, it's real if you make it yourself. But I been buying from the Yankee Government since they put me in this soldier suit and give me a rate. +Georgia, where I come from, it's real if you make it yourself. But I been buying from the Yankee Government since they put me in this soldier suit and give me a rate. Tax-free booze. It's about all you can say for army life. +Tax-free booze. It's about all you can say for army life. Where you from with that crazy way of talking? +Where you from with that crazy way of talking? Crabapple Cove. Maine. +Crabapple Cove. Maine. Damn! That must be about as far north as you can get. +Damn! That must be about as far north as you can get. Pretty near. What do you know about the outfit we're going to? +Pretty near. What do you know about the outfit we're going to? C.O. is Colonel Blake. Lieutenant Colonel Henry Braymore Blake. One of them regular army clowns. Push you around so it's hard to get any decent work done. +C.O. is Colonel Blake. Lieutenant Colonel Henry Braymore Blake. One of them regular army clowns. Push you around so it's hard to get any decent work done. We got to head them off, right at the start. Push them around first. +What's the initials 'MP' stand for, Hawkeye? Shore Patrol, Duke. Let's go! +Must be the Famous Curb Service Whore – House. You in the market Duke? I done my shopping in Seoul last night. +Well, there it is. Jesus! The spot we picked to spend the winter. Maybe we ought to look a little harder. +What do you think of that piece of scenery, Yankee boy? Finest kind. We'll sit where we can get the best view. +Colonel Blake, have no fear. Hawkeye and Duke are here. That's right, pal. You just sit up front and sign the mail, and leave the cutting to us. +Little light reading matter. Just right for his age. Well, southern boy, I suppose you want the sack that's convenient to the door. +Well, southern boy, I suppose you want the sack that's convenient to the door. And gets the wind every time it opens. No, thanks. I'll take that one. +This kid's ready but we won't know all the damage till we get in and see what's happened. What have you got? Nothing can't wait. Shall we check it out with the Major? +Now that's what I call real pretty. We can close up here and go into his belly. He can't take much more time on the table. +He can't take much more time on the table. So we got to cut him fast. I figure from the X-ray it ain't just the spleen. We also got to snatch his right kidney. +Christ Almighty, I think he means it! We been had. +We've stuck it out for a whole week now... Pretty girl. We sure don't aim to cause any trouble... Yeah, she seems to grow on you. +No, Hawkeye just said it all. Except we forgot one other small thing. +Except we forgot one other small thing. What's that? +What's that? The chest-cutter. +The chest-cutter. Yeah, that's right. You better get us a chest-cutter before there's trouble. +Yeah, that's right. You better get us a chest-cutter before there's trouble. This outfit needs somebody who can find his way around the pulmonary anatomy when the bases are loaded. +This outfit needs somebody who can find his way around the pulmonary anatomy when the bases are loaded. And it's the ninth inning. +Jesus to Jesus and eight hands around! Duke, did I ever tell you how I beat Dartmouth by intercepting a pass? Sixteen times. +Sixteen times. We didn't have a chance, little Androscoggin College against the Big Green, but there was this blizzard and we held then nothing nothing till the last twenty seconds. Then this great passer of theirs let one go, snow and all... +Must be Painlees Pole Day in the Shower Tent. You met him. Walt Waldowski, the Dental Officer. +You met him. Walt Waldowski, the Dental Officer. Nice guy, for an enamel surgeon. +Best equipped dentist in the whole goddam Army. Care to have a look, a man with your background? Way we hear it, the Pride is supposed to have run up the highest lifetime batting average ever recorded in Wayne County. +This kid looks like a loser. Maybe we better get the bead-jiggler to put in a fix. Call Dago Red. +And you've had a natural four times in a row in a crap game. Right? Does that mean...? Not without lots of praying and kissing the dice. It's a different ritual but it works the same. +Not without lots of praying and kissing the dice. It's a different ritual but it works the same. What do you think, Trapper? +Y'all just act natural. Get out the scotch, Ho-Jon. Don't mention the sex thing unless he brings it up. +That there Frank Burns is a menace. Whenever a patient croaks on him it's either God's will or somebody else's fault. This time he did it to a kid who's simple enough to believe him. Why don't you dump the mother, Henry? He creates more work than he gets done. +Hail to the chief! We-all got a responsibility, men. He's crowned like a king ought to be, but he can't just walk to the Mess Hall by himself. He has to be carried by native bearers. Good thinking, Duke. How about it, Ho-Jon? Can you round up a few of the boys? +Never mind. Forget it. A native is someone who is born in a particular place. +When will he be able to write? What's he got to write, for God's sake? +What's he got to write, for God's sake? An application to Androscoggin College. +I guess that's why you go for Hot Lips Houlihan. You know damn well I nearly puke when I look at her. I don't even think she's a real blonde. +You know damn well I nearly puke when I look at her. I don't even think she's a real blonde. How can you say a thing like that about an officer in the United States Army? +How can you say a thing like that about an officer in the United States Army? I not only say it, I'll back it up twenty buck's worth. +I not only say it, I'll back it up twenty buck's worth. You got yourself a bet, Georgia boy. You're a witness. +Where the hell we going to get us a football team? All three of us played for our schools. And there are at least four other guys... +Never heard of him. Sure you have, only as 'Spearchucker' Jones. +Sure you have, only as 'Spearchucker' Jones. The nigra boy with the Philadelphia Eagles? +How come nobody knows about him? And you do? I worked with Spearchucker my first month over here, at the 72nd Evac in Taegu. Most of the colored guys know who he is but they're not talking because he asked them not to. +Now wait a minute, Hawkeye. I come a long way, learning to put up with a couple of crazy Yankees, but... Don't tell me about your problems, boy. Explain them to Ho-Jon. +Look at the size of those two beasts. I don't think I could hurt one of them with a sledgehammer. +Don't try to get it far down. Kick it up high so we can get there and surround that son-ofa-bitch. Yeah, if I can. +Me, too. Y'all just seen me play my last game. Same here. You can retire my number. +Henry's got our orders! We're going home! When? +When? Any time. Whenever we want. +Any time. Whenever we want. Be right with you. +There's no transportation anyway this time of night. We could steal one of the choppers. +We could steal one of the choppers. I looked. Suspicious bastards got them all locked up. +I thought we were heading for trouble putting on all these trinkets. We got to start rehabilitating, Duke, if we want to be halfway human by the time we get back to our wives. +We got to start rehabilitating, Duke, if we want to be halfway human by the time we get back to our wives. But no short-arm inspection. I'm with you there. +But no short-arm inspection. I'm with you there. Screw it. We been earning our keep as respectable knife artists. Why should we do work any pill-rolling punk could handle? +Hell, man, that don't matter. We're loaded. We were big wheels in the black market in Seoul. Plus running the opium concession for the whole Eighth Army. +Let's hear from you, you goddam Yankee. Be nice to see you some time. Like the Spearchucker said, that's possible. Anyway, it's been an interesting association. +There's no point appealing to Colonel Blake. They've got him bewitched. No. The only thing to do is write General Hammond. But it's hard to find a place around here for a private discussion. +No. The only thing to do is write General Hammond. But it's hard to find a place around here for a private discussion. I have a tent to myself. +I have a tent to myself. People will talk. +People will talk. I don't mind. If we give them something to talk about. +I think it's a marvelous letter. We're a good team. +We're a good team. We think the same way. +We think the same way. It's supper time. But you're not hungry are you? +It's supper time. But you're not hungry are you? Ravenous. What about you? +Ravenous. What about you? Well, sure, if you are, Margaret... +Well, sure, if you are, Margaret... Anyway, we want to get this letter off. +Godless buffoons, all of them. It's that disrespect for you, that's what I can't forgive them. +It's that disrespect for you, that's what I can't forgive them. Oh, I'm used to it. What makes me sore is how they behave towards you. They ought to be grateful to have you. I certainly am. +Oh, I'm used to it. What makes me sore is how they behave towards you. They ought to be grateful to have you. I certainly am. And I'm grateful for you, Frank, especially with those boors around. We've grown very close in a short time. +Frank... Don't stop now! Please... +Wait a second... I can't... couldn't. +Is that liquor? Finest kind. We're training Ho-Jon to be a bartender. Join us? +Give us this day our daily... You ever caught this bread, and forgive our syndrome before, Duke? +You ever caught this bread, and forgive our syndrome before, Duke? ...trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against... +...And for our young men on the field of battle, that they may return home to their dear ones... Come clean with us, Frank. Were you on this religious kick back home, or did you start to crack up here on the post? +Come clean with us, Frank. Were you on this religious kick back home, or did you start to crack up here on the post? ...And for our Supreme Commander over here and our Commander-in-Chief in Washington. +I was just asking... Shut up or I'll tear you apart. +If we had closer relations, there wouldn't be any misunderstandings. That's where a football game would help. Between your outfit and mine. A football game? +A football game? Special Services in Tokyo are all for it. They say it's one of the main gimmicks we have to keep the American way of life going here in Asia. +Special Services in Tokyo are all for it. They say it's one of the main gimmicks we have to keep the American way of life going here in Asia. But what about Major Houlihan? +But what about Major Houlihan? You mean Hot Lips? Screw her. +You mean Hot Lips? Screw her. N-n-no thanks, G-General. +The hell we won't! You bastards pulled something, I don't know what, but we've been beating you without him. Ane we'll go on beating you! You willing to b-back that up with odds? +You willing to b-back that up with odds? Damn right. Three to one, as much as you want to put up. +Gimme three. At ease. Captain Pierce, you have a seriously wounded patient for whom you are responsible. Yet I find you in a poker game. +At ease. Captain Pierce, you have a seriously wounded patient for whom you are responsible. Yet I find you in a poker game. You betcher ass, Dad. +You betcher ass, Dad. What? +Pierce! That soldier requires immediate attention. I'm a surgeon and I know. You betcher ass, General. +I'm going to play poker until three a.m. or until the patient is ready for surgery. However, if you'd like to operate on him yourself right now, be my guest. I get the same dough whether I work or not. I want to talk to you, Pierce. +I want to talk to you, Pierce. There's nothing to talk about, General. You take the case yourself or join me at three o'clock. Either way you're liable to learn something. +Now, General, I'm going to sandbag you. Do you think we're ready to get out of this belly? Obviously you don't think so, and I don't know why. +Obviously you don't think so, and I don't know why. Well, Dad, we haven't found any holes in the large bowel. They've all been in the small bowel, but the smell is different. I caught a whiff of large bowel, but it ain't staring us in the face, right? +Well, Dad, we haven't found any holes in the large bowel. They've all been in the small bowel, but the smell is different. I caught a whiff of large bowel, but it ain't staring us in the face, right? Right. +Right. So if it ain't staring us in the face, it's got to be retroperitoneal. And that, along with the look of the wounds, makes me figure he's got a hole in his sigmoid colon that we won't find unless we look for it. +And there it is. I'm impressed, Pierce. Naturally, the kind of job I have, I don't get much chance to keep up with what goes on in the OR. +I'm impressed, Pierce. Naturally, the kind of job I have, I don't get much chance to keep up with what goes on in the OR. Neither does Henry Blake. But I'll tell you what makes him the best C.O. you've got in any of your hospitals. He leaves all the medical decisions to the men who do the day- to-day work and understand what meatball surgery is. +Well, it's still pretty much in the talk stage. We had a team at the 325th Evac last fall. I coached the boys myself. +We had a team at the 325th Evac last fall. I coached the boys myself. I think I heard about that. +I think I heard about that. Now we're working out a schedule of the outfits we're going to play this year. We all chip into a pool and make bets. +Now we're working out a schedule of the outfits we're going to play this year. We all chip into a pool and make bets. Must be fun. But the point we want to make about Henry... +Must be fun. But the point we want to make about Henry... I'm sure we could find a date for your team. Why don't I take it up with Henry? Thanks for the drink, boys. +I only wanted to know what she's like in the sack. Do those big boobs hold up or are they kind of droopy? Hawkeye's asking the Major's opinion on a point of anatomy. +Hawkeye's asking the Major's opinion on a point of anatomy. Also I'm curious whether she's a moaner or... +A-negative. I've cross-matched it. I though you said we didn't have a drop. +I though you said we didn't have a drop. I found a doner. +Radar! All you have to do is ask. The quarterback is saying they'll run the old Statue of Liberty. Their left end will come across and take the ball out of his hand and try to get around our left end. +What for? We need medical officers for short- arm inspection starting the first afternoon out. +We need medical officers for short- arm inspection starting the first afternoon out. Oh, certainly, Sergeant. My name is Captain George Limburger, and this is Captain Walter Camembert. +Oh, certainly, Sergeant. My name is Captain George Limburger, and this is Captain Walter Camembert. C-A-M-E-M...? +C-A-M-E-M...? B-E-R-T, right. See you tomorrow. +B-E-R-T, right. See you tomorrow. Oh, I'm not sailing with you. I work out of the hospital here. +I think I've seen this nut somewhere. Haven't I? If you don't know what you've seen, why should I? +That's the front up the road a few miles. We have to get by without some of the comforts of home. I like an olive. +Lucky you didn't have your mouth open or it would have gone down your throat. He's Trapper John! Only man in history who ever found fulfillment in the ladies' can of a Boston and Maine Railroad car! When the Conductor caught him in there with his Winter Carnival date, she screamed: 'He trapped me!' What have you been doing since those days, Trapper? +What are they peeking at? Captain Waldowski in the shower? Part of him. Painless is the owner and operator of the Pride of Hamtrack. That's where he comes from... Hamtrack, Michigan. +...But I turned in my knee pads. Ho-Jon, give the Father some more martini. +Black capsule. The black capsule. Finest kind. Thank you, Dr. McIntyre. +We're throwing him a Last Supper. We came to invite you. The Painless Pole plans to cross the Great Divide tonight and we need your help to straighten him out. +Or you can let him knock himself out. You personally'd be sending him to his grave. An eternal damnation. +We stand behind all our work. You want it straight? Medical history records no instance of anyone taking this particular prescription and surviving. +It's a bedroom where a man is always at his peak and doesn't have to take any time outs. And all the angels are built like Lieutenant Dish. +Very well, Your Majesty. Congratulations, Frank. He picked you. No, no, that one. +No, no, that one. Oh, you want to play it straight? I guess I owe you an apology. +I came within about ten yards of you. You know something, Trapper, the way we been going, if we ever got to see a real golf course again, I bet we could burn it up. As far as the greens maybe. I don't know if my putting would come back or not, without some practice. +I'm not so sure the goddam thing's in his heart. 'Course it isn't, but how many chances do we get to go to Japan? With our golf clubs. +Let me translate. I've had some exposure to the language. The young man is from Brooklyn and he wants us to vacate this vehicle. But weren't you supposed to meet the surgeons who are going to slice up the Congressman's son? +But besides the operation, we've got to get in at least eighteen holes of golf. So let's haul ass, Sergeant. +Look. Beautiful. What do you think? Should we stop and play nine holes now and operate on the kid later? If he's still alive. +Don't worry, son. That's Captain McIntyre, and he's the best chest surgeon in the Far East and maybe in the whole U.S. Army. He'll fix you up fine. Your daddy saw to that. Just like we thought, it's a routine problem. Nurse, who's in charge of operating room preparations? +Did I ever tell you about Me Lay Marston? Your high school friend who went around saying 'Me lay, you lay?' to all the young females in the community. As I remember, you said it was quite a successful approach. +Your high school friend who went around saying 'Me lay, you lay?' to all the young females in the community. As I remember, you said it was quite a successful approach. Well, he wouldn't score more than once in seven or eight tries, but the important thing was he didn't waste time socializing. Anyway, Trapper John, this is Me Lay. +Please! Face it, Colonel, you don't have us, we have you. Your boys blew this case, we bailed you out. We figure we ought to hang around a day to check the Congressman's kid, and we also figure to play some golf. So if that's okay with you, we got a deal. And if it isn't, why don't we call Washington on your telephone? You tell your story, we'll tell ours. +And if it isn't, why don't we call Washington on your telephone? You tell your story, we'll tell ours. When you make up your mind, get in touch. The golf club is probably the best place to leave a message. +Come on, Trapper. We got to forget golf for today. I don't know why. As long as it's light enough to see your caddie. +I don't know why. As long as it's light enough to see your caddie. What's the age of consent in this country? +Is he out? Like the Rock of Gibraltar. +Best thing you could do for all of us is grab some sack time. Radar! +For you, Trapper. Okay, but I'll need you to help. Duke, will you take that belly back there? The Australian? +It's in pretty deep. Yeah, and he's lost a lot of blood. I'm afraid it's hit more that just the lung. +Christ, it's Ho-Jon! Hiya, Ho-Jon. You got a piece of a shell in your chest, but we'll take it out as soon as you've had more blood. Hey, Radar! +If we squeeze him through, I'm going to get him into Androscoggin College. How about squeezing him through into Dartmouth? If all he wants to do is catch lobsters, he can learn that here. +How about squeezing him through into Dartmouth? If all he wants to do is catch lobsters, he can learn that here. Dartmouth's too big and too expensive. If he's as good as I think he is, he can move into the big league later. But Androscoggin first. +Dartmouth's too big and too expensive. If he's as good as I think he is, he can move into the big league later. But Androscoggin first. We'll need room. The sixth rib goes. +We'll need room. The sixth rib goes. Never mind the conversation. Do it, Dad. +Never mind the conversation. Do it, Dad. You aspirate the blood from the chest cavity. Damn, there's more of it than I thought. +You aspirate the blood from the chest cavity. Damn, there's more of it than I thought. If we don't get that pint, he's in trouble. +I don't feel anything. Oh, Jesus. +I can't feel it now either. The mother must have gone in. I don't get it. +I don't get it. It was in the cava and the hole sealed itself off. I must have jiggled it just enough to turn it loose. I can't feel it in the heart or the right pulmonary artery. So it's in the left pulmonary artery. +It was in the cava and the hole sealed itself off. I must have jiggled it just enough to turn it loose. I can't feel it in the heart or the right pulmonary artery. So it's in the left pulmonary artery. What do we do? +What do we do? We'll have to close this hole and make one on the other side. +We'll have to close this hole and make one on the other side. Be kind of rough on him if there's no blood. Why don't we close up and sit on him a couple of days? +Be kind of rough on him if there's no blood. Why don't we close up and sit on him a couple of days? Sure, that's the right way... at John Hopkins or someplace. But how do we know there won't be even more of a jam-up a few days from now? Maybe we won't be able to get to him when we want to. Maybe the goddam thing'll erode the artery when nobody's looking. Our best shot is now. +It's five minutes into nurses' shower hour. Where are they? They're coming. +But he's got five times the man-power to draw on. We can balance that by getting ourselves a ringer. Henry has to say he needs a neurosurgeon and put in a specific request for Dr. Oliver Harmon Jones. +He only lasted one season. On account he got caught in the doctor draft. He was a surgical resident playing semi-pro ball weekends when the Eagles signed him. +So what makes you think he'll play for us? We'll cut him in on the bets we make. And still have enough profit to send Ho-Jon to college. +We'll cut him in on the bets we make. And still have enough profit to send Ho-Jon to college. Might make kind of a social issue, not having any other Negro officer. +Might make kind of a social issue, not having any other Negro officer. He can move in here with us. +But we'd have to break his leg or something to keep him out of the game for good. Not necessarily. +Captain Pierce, would I be imposing...? Honey, nobody as pretty as you could ever impose... please sit down. Coffee? +Captain, I've been observing the nurses on your shift. But naturally your own opinion is more informed than mine. I'm glad you feel that way, Major, because you see it's a team effort... doctors, nurses, enlisted men... and I feel responsible for my whole team, and I want you to know I'm satisfied with them. +I'm glad you feel that way, Major, because you see it's a team effort... doctors, nurses, enlisted men... and I feel responsible for my whole team, and I want you to know I'm satisfied with them. All of them? +All of them? That's right. We work well together. +That's right. We work well together. Major Burns is far from satisfied. +Major Burns is far from satisfied. That don't surprise me. If you're a good observer, you must have observed by now that Frank Burns is a jerk. +That don't surprise me. If you're a good observer, you must have observed by now that Frank Burns is a jerk. On the contrary, I've observed he's not only a good technical surgeon, he's a good military surgeon. And that includes how a man dresses and how he bears himself and his sense of what it means to be an officer in the United States Army. +On the contrary, I've observed he's not only a good technical surgeon, he's a good military surgeon. And that includes how a man dresses and how he bears himself and his sense of what it means to be an officer in the United States Army. And his track record, that don't count? Look, honey, when you watch the two shifts try to notice which one does the most work with the least fuss. +And his track record, that don't count? Look, honey, when you watch the two shifts try to notice which one does the most work with the least fuss. I've noticed that both nurses and enlisted men address you as 'Hawkeye.' +I've noticed that both nurses and enlisted men address you as 'Hawkeye.' It's my name. Maybe that sounds silly to you but... +It's my name. Maybe that sounds silly to you but... That kind of familiarity is inconsistent with maximum efficiency in a military organization. +That kind of familiarity is inconsistent with maximum efficiency in a military organization. Okay, Major, honey. I'm going to have a couple shots scotch and go to bed. I'd normally ask you to join me but obviously you're a female version of the routine Regular Army clown. And that turns me off, so just leave my outfit alone and we'll get along fine. See you around the campus. +Okay, Major, honey. I'm going to have a couple shots scotch and go to bed. I'd normally ask you to join me but obviously you're a female version of the routine Regular Army clown. And that turns me off, so just leave my outfit alone and we'll get along fine. See you around the campus. I wonder how a degenerated person like you could have reached a position of responsibility in the Army Medical Corps. +I wonder how a degenerated person like you could have reached a position of responsibility in the Army Medical Corps. Sister, if I knew the answer to that I sure as hell wouldn't be here. +Hey, Knocko, I got those pictures you promised to look at of my kids. You too, Wilma. It won't take a minute. You can see them too, if you want. No, thank you. I'm not the slightest bit interested. +Listen, we look pretty lousy out there, right? Well, for college players that have been out of training seven or eight years... +Well, for college players that have been out of training seven or eight years... I'm thinking about how we can make more money. Suppose we bet only part of our dough and keep this big animal out of the game the whole first half and let them roll up some points. Then you could bet the rest of our bundle between the halves and get the General and his friends to give us some real odds. +The bastards outconned us. I think we could still have a chance. +I think we could still have a chance. If you start the game instead of waiting, you mean? +If you start the game instead of waiting, you mean? No, let's stick to that strategy till we see whether you boys can do two things. The first is get that halfback out of the game. He had one year with the Rams before the Army got him, but he didn't play too often because he's one of those hot dogs. +What's the matter? We may be in trouble, I can't catch my breath. I've got the occupational disease of oversized ex-athletes. +See you. It's possible +It's possible Hang in there. +Isn't this ridiculous, Doctor? Six months I've been here and there are still times when I can't stand it. I just go to pieces. There's nothing ridiculous about it. A kid like you... +Thank you, Captain Pierce. It's been so long. No trouble at all. Hawkeye. +No trouble at all. Hawkeye. How did you get called that? +How did you get called that? 'The Last of the Mohicans.' Only book my father ever read. +You're getting a workout, you and Captain Forrest, your first night. It isn't always this rough? +It isn't always this rough? Oh, no. We have dull stretches every week or so, thank God, when there's nothing to do after midnight. +Oh, no. We have dull stretches every week or so, thank God, when there's nothing to do after midnight. They don't have to be dull. I mean if you and me put our minds together... +They don't have to be dull. I mean if you and me put our minds together... Our minds? +Our minds? For a start. I just have a hunch... well, it isn't entirely a hunch... +For a start. I just have a hunch... well, it isn't entirely a hunch... You're an attractive man. +You're an attractive man. You have a certain modest charm yourself. +You have a certain modest charm yourself. But I'm married. +But I'm married. Something else we have in common. +Something else we have in common. Very happily married. +Very happily married. Same here. +Same here. And absolutely determined to be faithful to my husband. Do we have that in common, Captain? +And absolutely determined to be faithful to my husband. Do we have that in common, Captain? It's a matter of definition. Faithful in spirit, yes. +It's a matter of definition. Faithful in spirit, yes. I don't make the distinction. But the sex urge is a powerful force. In women just as much as men. +I don't make the distinction. But the sex urge is a powerful force. In women just as much as men. Ayuh. +Ayuh. You'd think now, with only six weeks before they ship me back home, it would be easier. But it isn't. +You'd think now, with only six weeks before they ship me back home, it would be easier. But it isn't. Of course not. +Of course not. It's terribly hard. Sometimes the temptation is just too much. +It's terribly hard. Sometimes the temptation is just too much. Then why not, as long as it wouldn't hurt anybody...? +Then why not, as long as it wouldn't hurt anybody...? But you've made me feel strong again, Captain. Hawkeye. You helped me pull together when I needed it. +Even if I weren't. Maria... +I couldn't have slept tonight anyhow. You're leaving tomorrow? +You're leaving tomorrow? In less than twelve hours I'll be on my way. +In less than twelve hours I'll be on my way. That's when the real strain starts. Three weeks on a troopship. Poor baby. +That's when the real strain starts. Three weeks on a troopship. Poor baby. Dear, sweet Hawkeye. +Dear, sweet Hawkeye. Though I guess who it'll really be rough on is your husband. +Though I guess who it'll really be rough on is your husband. You're on his side all of the sudden? +You're on his side all of the sudden? A man would be more considerate. He wouldn't come home to his wife a nervous wreck. +A man would be more considerate. He wouldn't come home to his wife a nervous wreck. How would he avoid it... as if I needed to ask? +How would he avoid it... as if I needed to ask? It could be a purely impersonal thing. What matters is the therapeutic value of relieving your tensions. +It could be a purely impersonal thing. What matters is the therapeutic value of relieving your tensions. You should have been a marriage counselor. But I'll show you what's wrong with your theory. +Do you think anything between us could be impersonal? Or pure? You better forget logic, because you're proving why I shouldn't go to bed with you. I didn't mean with me. +You're asking for somebody else? It happens to be a matter of life and death. +It happens to be a matter of life and death. A man is going to die if he doesn't have my fair young body? +A man is going to die if he doesn't have my fair young body? Precisely, Maria. Tonight you have the same privilege that comes on rare occasions to the chief executive of some state or nation... the privilege of restoring life, by one tender act of mercy, to a doomed fellow creature. +He should come to now for a while, but he's got so much dope in him by tomorrow he won't know fact from fantasy. You think he won't. +You think he won't. What do you care? You'll be on your way to Japan. +What do you care? You'll be on your way to Japan. I'm fond of Painless, and I'd feel terrible if anything happened to him... +I'm fond of Painless, and I'd feel terrible if anything happened to him... It's your decision, Maria. I don't want to high-pressure you. +It's your decision, Maria. I don't want to high-pressure you. I'd be crazy to think my virtue, such as it is, was more important than his life... +I'd be crazy to think my virtue, such as it is, was more important than his life... In fact I'd rather not try to influence you at all. Let's just go in and take a look, and then you think it through for yourself. +You please excuse... I have been making examination of this young man to find if he will be soldier in our army. Yes, I know. Hi, Ho-Jon. How did it go? +Yes, I know. Hi, Ho-Jon. How did it go? I don't liking it at all, what I hear when I listen to the heart. And such a blood pressure for so young a boys. Is frightening. +I don't liking it at all, what I hear when I listen to the heart. And such a blood pressure for so young a boys. Is frightening. I'm sorry to hear that. You think he's unfit for military service? +I'm sorry to hear that. You think he's unfit for military service? At first is no doubt. But then I am seeing on his paper he work in American hospital. And I think there are so many drugs in such a places, he could take some by mistake. +At first is no doubt. But then I am seeing on his paper he work in American hospital. And I think there are so many drugs in such a places, he could take some by mistake. Why would he do that? +Why would he do that? Who is knowing? But the drug I have find in his urine is solving all mysteries. By tomorrow will be gone his fast heart and high blood pressure. So I think maybe you will like to tell him goodbye. Okay? +Two-man job. How much blood has he had? Second pint. +Second pint. Duke... +It was really nice of you to take me along. I didn't have much choice. +I didn't have much choice. You really say the cutest things. +You really say the cutest things. Yeah! +Captain Camembert! Captain Camembert! Excuse me, Sergeant. +Excuse me, Sergeant. Yes, Reverend? +Yes, Reverend? What do you want with those two medical officers? +What do you want with those two medical officers? They're supposed to hold short-arm inspection. +Be the longest short-arm inspection you ever held! Thanks, Reverend. Thank you both for tipping me off. You don't know a Captain Forrest or a Captain Pierce, do you? +Thanks, Reverend. Thank you both for tipping me off. You don't know a Captain Forrest or a Captain Pierce, do you? They missed the boat. +They missed the boat. Thanks. +Thanks. Glad to help. +He's the pro from Dover and I'm the Ghost of Smokey Joe. Save that crap for the rest of the clamdiggers back home. +The real Trapper John? The one who threw you the famous pass and went to greater glory on the Boston and Maine Railroad? The one and only. +The one and only. Proud to know you, Trapper. Like to shake your hand if you'll hurry up and get that chest closed. You still working the trains? +You don't go after the local scrunch? I'm too busy, actually. Not for the Army, of course, but where I live. Dr. Yamachi's New Era Pediatric Hospital and Whorehouse. I'm serious. The guy has this crude hospital for kids and a whorehouse on the side to finance it, all in the same building. +What do you do in the joint besides pimp? That's about the only thing I don't do – that I'm built for. I inspect the girls and take care of some of the kids in the hospital. Sometimes I tend bar and act as bouncer. +Why can't you look at him? I have but well, you know, I've been mainly an anesthetist a long time now and... well, I'd like you guys to take a look at him. +I have but well, you know, I've been mainly an anesthetist a long time now and... well, I'd like you guys to take a look at him. What's the story? +What's the story? Well, one of the girls got careless and two days ago she gave birth to an eight-pound American-Japanese male. +Well, one of the girls got careless and two days ago she gave birth to an eight-pound American-Japanese male. What's wrong with him? +What's wrong with him? Every time we feed him, it either comes right back up or he coughs and turns blue and has a hell of a time. +He's coming to. Let's get his clothes off quick. +Glad to know you. Drop in at my clinic anytime you feel like playing a little poker, or even if a tooth is bothering you. Poker sounds great. When do you play? +If a man isn't a man anymore, what's he got left to live for? Tell me the whole story, Walt. +Tell me the whole story, Walt. There's this native broad works in the laundry. I don't know if you've noticed. +There's this native broad works in the laundry. I don't know if you've noticed. There's only one worth noticing. +There's only one worth noticing. You noticed. I wasn't going to fool around over here. I've got these three girls I'm engaged to back home... +But I had this feeling I ought to make the effort. To test myself. And I flunked. What did you have to test, for God's sake... the dental Don Juan of Detroit? +What did you have to test, for God's sake... the dental Don Juan of Detroit? Don Juanism is just a cover... I've been reading up on it. I'm a fake, I'm a fraud, I've been living a lie! +Painless, you mustn't talk that way. It's a lot of crap. Cover for what? Homosexuality. +Now I know that's been my problem since I was a kid. But it only caught up to me last night. You've been drawn to other males? Since you were a kid? +You've been drawn to other males? Since you were a kid? No, never in the slightest. +No, never in the slightest. Just in dreams? +Just in dreams? Or in dreams either. I repressed it completely. Classic pattern of inhibition. +Or in dreams either. I repressed it completely. Classic pattern of inhibition. That's what you've been doing all these years with every dame you could lay your hands on? Repressing your real self? +That's what you've been doing all these years with every dame you could lay your hands on? Repressing your real self? But it's all over now, and I can't face it. Imagine if you found out you were one, you wouldn't like breaking the news to your wife. Well, I got the same problem multiplied. +But it's all over now, and I can't face it. Imagine if you found out you were one, you wouldn't like breaking the news to your wife. Well, I got the same problem multiplied. You don't have any problem. You've got thirty good years ahead of you, easy. Maybe you'll have to cut down as you grow older, get along with just two fiancees, but... +You don't have any problem. You've got thirty good years ahead of you, easy. Maybe you'll have to cut down as you grow older, get along with just two fiancees, but... No, one thing I finally know for sure, I'll never function with a woman again. +That's really what I came here for. See what you guys recommend. Well, I'm sure my colleagues will agree there are a number of dependable measures for extinguishing the vital forces. +In the direction you want to go. You guys got any black capsules? +How much time do I have? Just about enough to say goodbye to everybody. Line up over here, men, if you want to pay your last respects. Keep moving and file on out when you're through. +Just about enough to say goodbye to everybody. Line up over here, men, if you want to pay your last respects. Keep moving and file on out when you're through. I wonder, if Red's fix swings it for me, what's heaven really like? +Morning Painless. How they goin'? Big day. Two jaws to rebuild. +Good morning, Captain Pierce and Captain Forrest. You can cut the bow. +You can cut the bow. I have not understood what you means. +I have not understood what you means. That. It's out of the act. +Officer all sleep now, yes? And I go wash clothes. Right, Ho-Jon. See you later. +Hi, Ho-Jon. How they goin'? Finest kind. Captain Forrests say you better haul ass home quick. We got new chest-cutter in our tent. +There ought to be a law against dentists reading. Matter of fact, I thought there was. Anyway, this is an obsession. He can't be persuaded out of it. He's comin' this-a-way! The jaw- breaker! +And if I go to New York, the natives there will carry me? I don't think so. I don't think so either. +Pain bad, Ho-Jon? I – wouldn't – wish – it – on – a – maneating – shark. +I'm Colonel Blake. You fellows just passing through? Nope, we're assigned heah. +The blonde dish. If you mean... She is a lieutenant in the Army Nursing Corps, Captain. +If you mean... She is a lieutenant in the Army Nursing Corps, Captain. Okay, Lieutenant Dish. I guess she's already... involved with somebody here. +Okay, Lieutenant Dish. I guess she's already... involved with somebody here. They've all tried. Nobody's got to first base. +You don't aim to cause any trouble – But? But we strongly suspect something will happen to screw up this splendid organization of yours if you don't get that sky pilot out of our tent. +But we strongly suspect something will happen to screw up this splendid organization of yours if you don't get that sky pilot out of our tent. Your tent? +We'll find out what they are when you throw us out. That's all the commitment you're offering me? Or do you have some more extravagant gesture of cooperation? +You work those kind of hours, you got to have rest. Which you can't get with somebody jabbering away on a direct line to heaven. Major Burns will be out of your tent in twenty-four hours. Tell them Captain Pierce and Captain Forrest are on their way. +About that chest-cutter... I'll try, d-d-dammit! You can't ask any more than that! +I'll try, d-d-dammit! You can't ask any more than that! We don't want any more than that. Right now. +Stop acting like a colonel, Henry. You know Trapper wouldn't sock him without a good reason. There's no reason good enough for one medical officer to strike another. +I should fire him because he got in the way of Trapper's fist? No. I've put up with a lot from you guys, but now I finally have to take disciplinary action. Christ. All of a sudden it's West Point. +First decent idea you've had in a month. Now I'll have to wait at least a week. If I announced it tomorrow, after what our new Chief Nurse saw this afternoon, they'd hear her yelling from Seoul to Washington. +Fifteenth straight day there've been six o'clock choppers. How long can a battle go on? You got to relax, Henry. Since the deluge started, you been working in the OR and running the outfit, too. +It's a nice idea. I mean it has style. It's the only way we can make enough to put Ho-Jon through Androscoggin. +What's going on? Who started this? You mean who hit who? +You mean who hit who? Yes, that's what I mean. +Yes, that's what I mean. I did. First and only blow. So far. +If you say so, Henry. But remember my claustrophobia. I deeply regret this unfortunate incident. We try to remember we're a military organization. +What's wrong with you? I don't know. I must have lost my punch. I didn't think the son-of-a- bitch would get up. +We got it, men... Ho-Jon's keep as Androscoggin... if there is such a place. And the big news is, the General wants a rematch. I'll tell you my news. I'm retiring from football. +O'Reilly! Yes, sir? +Yes, sir? Dammit, Radar, wait till I call you! Tell Major Burns... +Dammit, Radar, wait till I call you! Tell Major Burns... One of the surgeons from the day shift will have to stay on duty tonight? +One of the surgeons from the day shift will have to stay on duty tonight? Yes, dammit, and... +O'Reilly, what is it? There aren't more choppers coming? I'm afraid so, Colonel. +I'm afraid so, Colonel. We've got too many wounded for us to handle now! Get on the phone right away and... +We've got too many wounded for us to handle now! Get on the phone right away and... Yes, sir, I'll see if I can reach General Hammond in Seoul for you. You think he'll finally break down and give us two more surgeons? +Sir? Don't do that, Radar! You make me nervous. +Don't do that, Radar! You make me nervous. Sir? +Sir? Don't come so quickly when I call. I want you to take these officers... +Don't come so quickly when I call. I want you to take these officers... To Major Burns' tent. Yes, sir. +To Major Burns' tent. Yes, sir. Stop that, O'Rielly! +Stop that, O'Rielly! Sir? +Sir? Oh, get out of here! +Oh, get out of here! Yes, Colonel. +Good morning, Colonel. Morning, Radar. How were things? +Morning, Radar. How were things? Splendid, sir. No problems. +Splendid, sir. No problems. Morning, Captain. +Can you make out what they're talking about? I can try, sir. +Chopper coming in, Colonel. Two of them, I'm afraid. Damn. +Damn. And another one, but it's from the south. There. +If I can make a suggestion, Coach. The way I run an organization, any man in it has the right to speak his mind. +The way I run an organization, any man in it has the right to speak his mind. In that case, here are ten basic plays. I think that's about all this bunch can handle. +Thank you, Spearchucker. I'll certainly take a look at these. Where the hell did you ever get that name? I used to throw the javelin. +Those two big guys were tackles on the Cleveland Browns, and the redhead played halfback with the Rams. They can't do that to me! +Well, there's one big satisfaction. What's that, Henry? +What's that, Henry? I out-coached that General Hammond. +Morning, girls. Good morning Major. Good morning. +This one goes right to the OR. Tell Duke to do him ahead of the busted spleen. And this kid can't wait. I'll take him myself, before I get to that ruptured diaphragm. Captain... 'This kid' is a prisoner of war. +Captain... 'This kid' is a prisoner of war. Yeah? +Yeah? It's an American boy's rupture you're supposed to close. +It's an American boy's rupture you're supposed to close. Listen, we get a deluge like this, just deciding priorities on a medical basis is hard enough. So never mind the side issues. +Okay, I'm closing up. Everybody relax. May I have the surgeon's name, please? +Planes mostly. May take a crack at rickshaws. How does the direct approach work over here? I been out of action since I got over here five months ago. +What's the bastard really like? Colonel Merrill is a veteran of twenty- five years in the Regular Army, a soldier first and a doctor second. A member of several patriotic organizations, he believes it's America's God-given mission to maintain a foothold for freedom on the Asian mainland. +Colonel Merrill is a veteran of twenty- five years in the Regular Army, a soldier first and a doctor second. A member of several patriotic organizations, he believes it's America's God-given mission to maintain a foothold for freedom on the Asian mainland. That bad? But I guess you're right. We might as well see him. Got any caddie carts? +Never mind. The address of the N.E.P.H. and W. Why don't you meet me there when you're through golf for drinks and dinner and whatever strikes the fancy? +The address of the N.E.P.H. and W. Why don't you meet me there when you're through golf for drinks and dinner and whatever strikes the fancy? Mine's already been struck, and it doesn't have to be very fancy. +Soup? Rice? What are we doing, beginning all over again? No, we had a clear soup to start. This is a thick one and you ought to taste it. There's nothing like it back home. +No, we had a clear soup to start. This is a thick one and you ought to taste it. There's nothing like it back home. How can I taste it now? We've already had like twelve courses. +Can you guys take one minute to look at a kid for me? Now? +We don't have to see him. Call that halfassed Army hospital and tell them to be ready to put some lipiodol in this kid's esophagus and take X- rays. But it's ten-thirty at night. We can't get military personnel out for a civilian. A foreign civilian. +How is he? Nice. +Nice. Arterial silk. +Ease off on those tapes, and let's see how much it bleeds. How is he? Nice. +Nice. Boys, we're home free. +As long as there's a pile-up, we can do our bit to encourage his permanent withdrawal from the contest. It's a technique Ugly John and I worked out in case something like this came up. +You're a couple o' sticks shy in your column, Ann. A big, rich slob like D. B. Norton buys a paper—and forty heads are chopped off! +A big, rich slob like D. B. Norton buys a paper—and forty heads are chopped off! Did you get it, too? +Did you get it, too? Yeah. You, too? Oh, Joe . . . oh, I'm sorry darling . . . why don't we tear the building down! +Yeah. You, too? Oh, Joe . . . oh, I'm sorry darling . . . why don't we tear the building down! Before you do, Ann, perhaps you'd better finish this column. +Before you do, Ann, perhaps you'd better finish this column. Yeah. Lavender and old lace! +Er, would you, er, would you like to make some money? Yeah, maybe. +Would you be willing to say you wrote that letter—and stick by it? Oh, I get the idea. Yeah, maybe. +Huh? Are you all right? +Are you all right? Yeah, I'm all right. +Don't mind the Colonel. He hates people. He likes you well enough to stick around. +He likes you well enough to stick around. Oh, that's 'cause we both play doohickies. I met him in a box car a couple o' years ago. I was foolin' around with my harmonica and he comes over and joins in. I haven't been able to shake him since. +Action? Um-hum. +Here. Sit down! Quiet, egghead! All right, now, a serious expression. Can't. I'm feeling too good. +Can't. I'm feeling too good. Oh, come on, now. This is serious. You're a man disgusted with all of civilization. +Oh, come on, now. This is serious. You're a man disgusted with all of civilization. With all of it? +With all of it? Yes, you're sore at the world. Come on, now. +Yes, you're sore at the world. Come on, now. Oh, crabby guy, huh? +Yeah. No, no! No! No, look. You don't have to smell the world! Well, all those guys in the bleachers think— +Well, all those guys in the bleachers think— Never mind those guys. All right, stand up. Now let's see what you look like when you protest. +Never mind those guys. All right, stand up. Now let's see what you look like when you protest. Against what? +Against what? Against anything. Just protest. +Against anything. Just protest. You got me. +You got me. Oh, look. I'm the umpire, and you just cut the heart of the plate with your fast one and I call it a ball. What would you do? +Oh, look. I'm the umpire, and you just cut the heart of the plate with your fast one and I call it a ball. What would you do? Oh, yuh did, huh? +Oh, yuh did, huh? Yes! +Yes! Why can't you call right, you bone- headed, pig-eared, lop-eared, pot- bellied— +Why can't you call right, you bone- headed, pig-eared, lop-eared, pot- bellied— Grab it, Eddie, grab it! +Now, look, John. Here's the speech. It's in caps and double-spaced. You won't have any trouble reading it. Not nervous, are you? No. +No. Of course not. He wouldn't be. +Of course not. He wouldn't be. Who? +Who? John Doe. The one in there. +Who? John Doe, the one in the speech. +John Doe, the one in the speech. Oh. Yeah. +Oh. Yeah. You know something? I've actually fallen in love with him. +Say, he's a friend of mine. Never mind. Let him alone. He's all right. I'll be right over there pulling for you. +Hello, John. Hello. +Look, John. Something terribly important's happened. They're forming John Doe Clubs. We know of eight already and they say that there's going— John Doe Clubs? What for? +John Doe Clubs? What for? Uh-huh. To carry out the principles you talked about in your radio speech. +Uh-huh. To carry out the principles you talked about in your radio speech. I don't care what they're forming. I'm on my way and I don't like the idea of being stopped either. +I don't care what they're forming. I'm on my way and I don't like the idea of being stopped either. Oh, but you don't know how big this thing is. You should see the thousands of telegrams we've received and what they're saying about you. +Oh, but you don't know how big this thing is. You should see the thousands of telegrams we've received and what they're saying about you. Look, it started as a circulation stunt, didn't it? +Look, it started as a circulation stunt, didn't it? Uh-huh . . . +Uh-huh . . . Well, you got your circulation. Now, why don't you let me alone? +Well, you got your circulation. Now, why don't you let me alone? Oh, it started as a circulation stunt, but it isn't any more. Mr. Norton wants to get back of it and sponsor John Doe Clubs all over the country. He wants to send you on a lecture tour. +Oh, it started as a circulation stunt, but it isn't any more. Mr. Norton wants to get back of it and sponsor John Doe Clubs all over the country. He wants to send you on a lecture tour. Me? +Me? Uh-huh. +Can I help you pack? No, thank you. +Do you care if I sit down out here? No. +You know, I had a crazy dream last night. It was about you. About me? +About me? Sure was crazy. I dreamt I was your father. +Well, would you like to know who it was you were marrying? Well, a tall handsome Ubangi, I suppose. +Well, a tall handsome Ubangi, I suppose. No, not that bad. It was a fella that sends you flowers every day. Er, what's his name? Mr. Norton's nephew. +Ted Sheldon. Yeah, that's the one. +But here's the funniest part of it all. I was the fella up there doing the marrying. You know, the Justice of the Peace or something . . . You were? I thought you were chasing me? +You were? I thought you were chasing me? Well, yes, I was. But I was your father then, see? But the real me, John Doe, er, that is, Long John Willoughby, I was the fellow up there with the book. You know what I mean? +Well, yes, I was. But I was your father then, see? But the real me, John Doe, er, that is, Long John Willoughby, I was the fellow up there with the book. You know what I mean? I guess so. Then what happened? +I guess so. Then what happened? Well, I took you across my knee and I started spanking you. +How many people do you think we've talked to already, outside the radio, I mean? I don't know. About three hundred thousand. +I don't know. About three hundred thousand. Three hundred thousand? What makes them do it, Ann? What makes them come and listen and, and get up their John Doe Clubs the way they do? I've been trying to figure it out. +Three hundred thousand? What makes them do it, Ann? What makes them come and listen and, and get up their John Doe Clubs the way they do? I've been trying to figure it out. "Look, John—what we're handing them are platitudes. Things they've heard a million times: ""Love thy neighbor,"" ""Clouds have silver linings,"" ""Turn the other cheek."" It's just a—" +"Look, John—what we're handing them are platitudes. Things they've heard a million times: ""Love thy neighbor,"" ""Clouds have silver linings,"" ""Turn the other cheek."" It's just a—" Yeah, I've heard them a million times, too, but—there you are. Maybe they're like me. Just beginning to get an idea what those things mean. +Did you write this? Yes, I did, John. But I—I had no idea what was going on. +Yes, I did, John. But I—I had no idea what was going on. You didn't? +Go ahead, driver! Ball park! John, please let me go with you! Please, John! +. . . Er, this John Doe idea is yours, huh? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. How much money do you get? +How much money do you get? Thirty dollars. +Thirty dollars. Thirty dollars? Well, er, what are you after? I mean, what do you want? A journalistic career? +Thirty dollars? Well, er, what are you after? I mean, what do you want? A journalistic career? Money. +Money. Money? Well, I'm glad to hear somebody admit it. Do you suppose you could write a radio speech that would put that fellow over? +Money? Well, I'm glad to hear somebody admit it. Do you suppose you could write a radio speech that would put that fellow over? Oh, I'm sure I can. +Oh, I'm sure I can. Do it, and I'll give you a hundred dollars a week. +Do it, and I'll give you a hundred dollars a week. A hundred dollars! +A hundred dollars! That's only the beginning. You play your cards right and you'll never have to worry about money again. Oh, I knew it. +Hello. Whenever there's a pretty woman around, er— This is my nephew, Ted Sheldon, Miss Mitchell. How do you do. +Thank you very much for everything. And, Miss Mitchell—I think from now on you'd better work directly with me. +And, Miss Mitchell—I think from now on you'd better work directly with me. Yes, sir. +Better let me talk to him. All right, but present it to him as a great cause for the common man. +Oh, somebody else sitting there? No, no, no—that's your seat. +Oh! Oh, it's beautiful, D. B. Well—I don't quite know what to say . . . Well, don't say anything at all. Just sit down. +Oh! Go ahead, open it, open it. +Tomorrow night, before a crowd of fifteen thousand people, and talking over a nation-wide radio hook-up, John Doe will announce the formation of a third party. A third party? +A third party? Yes. The John Doe Party. +Devoted entirely to the interests of all the John Does all over the country. Which practically means, ninety per cent of the voters. He will also announce the third party's candidate for the presidency. A man whom he, personally, recommends. A great humanitarian; the best friend the John Does have. Mr. D. B. Norton! +Hello? John! I'm so glad to see you. I—I was terribly worried. +Hello there. Well, well! If it isn't the man about town! All set, Ann? +All set, Ann? Huh? Oh, yes. Let's go. Now, let's see. We want some action in these pictures. +That's good. No, no, no. This man's going to jump off a roof. +No, no, no. This man's going to jump off a roof. Oh. +Oh. Here. Wait a minute. Let me comb your hair. Sit down. There. That's better. +Stick a fork through me! I'm done. I'll never get this speech right. Oh, yes you will, Ann dear . . . you're very clever. +Oh, yes you will, Ann dear . . . you're very clever. Yeah, I know. What are you looking for? +Yeah, I know. What are you looking for? Your purse. I need ten dollars. +Your purse. I need ten dollars. What for? I gave you fifty just the other day. +What for? I gave you fifty just the other day. Yes, I know, dear, but Mrs. Burke had her baby yesterday. Nine pounds! And there wasn't a thing in the house—and then this morning the Community Chest lady came around and— +Yes, I know, dear, but Mrs. Burke had her baby yesterday. Nine pounds! And there wasn't a thing in the house—and then this morning the Community Chest lady came around and— And the fifty's all gone, huh? Who's the ten for? +And the fifty's all gone, huh? Who's the ten for? The Websters. +The Websters. The Websters! +The Websters! You remember those lovely people your father used to take care of? I thought I'd buy them some groceries. Oh, Ann, dear, it's a shame, those poor— +You remember those lovely people your father used to take care of? I thought I'd buy them some groceries. Oh, Ann, dear, it's a shame, those poor— You're marvelous, Ma. You're just like Father used to be. Do you realize a couple of weeks ago we didn't have enough to eat ourselves? +You're marvelous, Ma. You're just like Father used to be. Do you realize a couple of weeks ago we didn't have enough to eat ourselves? Well, yes, I know, dear, but these people are in such need and we have plenty now. +Well, yes, I know, dear, but these people are in such need and we have plenty now. If you're thinking of that thousand dollars, forget it. It's practically gone. We owed everybody in town. Now, you've just gotta stop giving all your money away. +Oh, I'm sorry, Ma. Oh, don't pay any attention to me. I guess I'm just upset about all this. Gee whiz, here I am with a great opportunity to get somewhere, to give us security for once in our lives, and I'm stuck. If I could put this over, your Mrs. Burke can have six babies! Do you mean the speech you're writing? +Do you mean the speech you're writing? Yeah, I don't know. I simply can't get it to jell! I created somebody who's gonna give up his life for a principle, hundreds of thousands of people are gonna listen to him over the radio and, unless he says something that's, well, that's sensational, it's just no good! +Yeah, I don't know. I simply can't get it to jell! I created somebody who's gonna give up his life for a principle, hundreds of thousands of people are gonna listen to him over the radio and, unless he says something that's, well, that's sensational, it's just no good! Well, honey, of course I don't know what kind of a speech you're trying to write, but judging from the samples I've read, I don't think anybody'll listen. +Well, honey, of course I don't know what kind of a speech you're trying to write, but judging from the samples I've read, I don't think anybody'll listen. What? +What? Darling, there are so many complaining political speeches. People are tired of hearing nothing but doom and despair on the radio. If you're going to have him say anything, why don't you let him say something simple and real, something with hope in it? If your father were alive, he'd know what to say. +Darling, there are so many complaining political speeches. People are tired of hearing nothing but doom and despair on the radio. If you're going to have him say anything, why don't you let him say something simple and real, something with hope in it? If your father were alive, he'd know what to say. Oh, yes, Father certainly would. +Oh, yes, Father certainly would. Wait a minute . . . +Wait a minute . . . Huh? +That's your father's diary, Ann. Father's . . . I never knew he had a diary. +Father's . . . I never knew he had a diary. There's enough in it for a hundred speeches, things people ought to hear nowadays. You be careful of it, won't you dear? It's always helped keep your father alive for me. +There's enough in it for a hundred speeches, things people ought to hear nowadays. You be careful of it, won't you dear? It's always helped keep your father alive for me. You bet I will, Ma. +Yeh, D. B. Oh, just cleaning out the dead-wood. Okay. Look, Mr. Connell . . . I just can't afford to be without work right now, not even for a day. I've got a mother and two kid sisters to . . . +I'll tell you what I'll do. I get thirty dollars a week. I'll take twenty-five, twenty if necessary. I'll do anything you say. It isn't the money. We're after circulation. What we need is fireworks. People who can hit with sledge hammers—start arguments. +It isn't the money. We're after circulation. What we need is fireworks. People who can hit with sledge hammers—start arguments. Oh, I can do that. I know this town inside out. Oh, give me a chance, please. +No. I've had the whole army and navy searching for you because that's a game we play here every day. I remember, distinctly, being fired. +I remember, distinctly, being fired. That's right. But you have a piece of property that still belongs to this newspaper. And I'd like to have it! +That's right. But you have a piece of property that still belongs to this newspaper. And I'd like to have it! What's that? +What's that? The letter. +The letter. What letter? +What letter? The letter from John Doe. +The letter from John Doe. Oh! +Oh! The whole town's in an uproar. We've got to find him. The letter's our only clue. +The whole town's in an uproar. We've got to find him. The letter's our only clue. There is no letter. +There is no letter. We'll get a handwriting expert to— What! +We'll get a handwriting expert to— What! There is no letter. +Say that again. There is no letter. I made it up. +You made it up. Uh-huh. You said you wanted fireworks. +Well, the whole town's curious about John Doe and, boom, just like that you're going to bury him. There's enough circulation in that man to start a shortage in the ink market! In what man! +In what man! John Doe. +John Doe. What John Doe? +What John Doe? Our John Doe! The one I made up! Look, genius— Now, look. Suppose there was a John Doe—and he walked into this office. What would you do? Find him a job and forget about the whole business, I suppose! Not me! I'd have made a deal with him! +Our John Doe! The one I made up! Look, genius— Now, look. Suppose there was a John Doe—and he walked into this office. What would you do? Find him a job and forget about the whole business, I suppose! Not me! I'd have made a deal with him! A deal? +A deal? Sure! When you get hold of a stunt that sells papers you don't drop it like a hot potato. Why, this is good for at least a couple of months. You know what I'd do? Between now and let's say, Christmas, when he's gonna jump, I'd run a daily yarn starting with his boyhood, his schooling, his first job! A wide-eyed youngster facing a chaotic world. The problem of the average man, of all the John Does in the world. +Now, then comes the drama. He meets discouragement. He finds the world has feet of clay. His ideals crumble. So what does he do? He decides to commit suicide in protest against the state of civilization. He thinks of the river! But no, no, he has a better idea. The City Hall. Why? Because he wants to attract attention. He wants to get a few things off his chest, and that's the only way he can get himself heard. So? +Very pretty. Very pretty, indeed, Miss Mitchell. But would you mind telling me who goes on Christmas Eve? John Doe. +John Doe. What John Doe? +What John Doe? The one we hire for the job, you lunkhead! +Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Lemme get this through this lame brain of mine. Are you suggesting we go out and hire someone to say he's gonna commit suicide on Christmas Eve? Is that it? Well, you're catching on. +Well, you're catching on. Who, for instance? +Who, for instance? Anybody! Er, er—Beany'll do! +You're supposed to be a smart guy! If it was raining hundred dollar bills, you'd be out looking for a dime you lost some place. Holy smokes! Wasting my time listening to this mad woman. +That's fine! That's fine! Now fall right into their laps. Go ahead. Say John Doe walked in and called the whole thing off. You know what that's going to sound like on top of this! That's all, Ned. Thank you. +Okay, sister, you get your job back. Plus a bonus. +Plus a bonus. What bonus? +I can read. I can read! Sorry. +So you think this is worth a thousand dollars, do you? Oh, the Chronicle would consider it dirt cheap. +Oh, the Chronicle would consider it dirt cheap. Packs everything, including a gun. Okay, sister, you've got yourself a deal. Now let's take a look at the candidates. The one we pick has gotta be the typical average man. Typical American that can keep his mouth shut. +Looks all right— He's perfect! A baseball player. What could be more American! +He's perfect! A baseball player. What could be more American! I wish he had a family, though. +That's our man. He's made to order. I don't know. He don't seem like a guy that'd fall into line. +I don't know. He don't seem like a guy that'd fall into line. When you're desperate for money, you do a lot of things, Mr. Connell. He's our man, I tell you. +Hurry up, Pop. Oh. +Oh. Right here. Sit down. +All right, boys, here he is. No, no, no! You can't take pictures of him like that—eating a sandwich—and with a beard! +But, he's gonna jump off a building! Yes, but not because he's out of a job. That's not news! This man's going to jump as a matter of principle. +Yes, but not because he's out of a job. That's not news! This man's going to jump as a matter of principle. Well, maybe you're right. +Well, maybe you're right. We'll clean him up and put him in a hotel room—under bodyguards. We'll make a mystery out of him. Did you speak to Mr. Norton? +We'll clean him up and put him in a hotel room—under bodyguards. We'll make a mystery out of him. Did you speak to Mr. Norton? Thinks it's terrific. Says for us to go the limit. Wants us to build a bonfire under every big shot in the state. +Thinks it's terrific. Says for us to go the limit. Wants us to build a bonfire under every big shot in the state. Oh, swell! Is that the contract? +Oh, swell! Is that the contract? Yes. What's he doing here? +Yes. What's he doing here? Friend of his. They play duets together. +Friend of his. They play duets together. Duets? But can we trust him? +Duets? But can we trust him? Oh! +Well, okay. But we don't want more than a couple o' hundred people in on this thing. Now the first thing I want is an exact copy of the John Doe letter in your own handwriting. I got it all ready. Here. +I got it all ready. Here. Well, that's fine. Now I want you to sign this agreement. It gives us an exclusive story under your name day by day from now until Christmas. On December twenty-sixth, you get one railroad ticket out of town, and the Bulletin agrees to pay to have your arm fixed. That's what you want, isn't it? +Okay, fellows. Take it easy, John Doe. +And you! Start pounding that typewriter. Oh, boy! This is terrific! No responsibilities on our part. Just statements from John Doe and we can blast our heads off. Before you pop too many buttons, don't forget to make out that check for a thousand. +Before you pop too many buttons, don't forget to make out that check for a thousand. Awwwww! +Yeah, but it's got everybody sore. Ads are being pulled—the Governor's starting a libel suit—what's more, they all know John Doe's a phoney—and they insist on seeing him. Well, what about it? Let them see him! We'll go them one better. They can also hear him. You own a radio station, Mr. Norton. Why not put him on the air? +Look. We can't let 'em get to this bush-league pitcher and start pumping him. Good night! No telling what that screwball might do. I walked in yesterday—here he is, standing on a table with a fishing pole flycasting. Take my advice and get him out of town before this thing explodes in our faces! If you do, Mr. Norton, you're just as much of a dumb cluck as he is! Excuse me. +If you do, Mr. Norton, you're just as much of a dumb cluck as he is! Excuse me. No, you've got yourself a meal ticket and you hate to let go. +No, you've got yourself a meal ticket and you hate to let go. Sure, it's a meal ticket for me. I admit it, but it's also a windfall for somebody like Mr. Norton who's trying to crash national politics. That's what you bought the newspaper for, isn't it? You wanta reach a lotta people, don't you? Well, put John Doe on the air and you can reach a hundred and fifty million of 'em. He can say anything he wants and they'll listen to him. +What's the idea? No, no, no. Now that's too much! +Listen. If that guy lays an egg. I want to get something out of it. I'm getting a Jane Doe ready! That's fine, honey. Now, get out! +Now listen, Ann—he can't possibly get in without our seeing him. I'm watching the side door and the Colonel's out front, so stop worrying. Thank you. +How many is that, six? Pretty hungry, weren't you? Say, all this John Doe business is batty, if yuh ask me. +Say, all this John Doe business is batty, if yuh ask me. Well, nobody asked yuh. +Well, nobody asked yuh. Trying to improve the world by jumping off buildings. You couldn't improve the world if the building jumped on you! +Oh, stop worrying. He's all right. That's— +Colonel! You shouldn't have gotten out of bed, Miss. +You shouldn't have gotten out of bed, Miss. Has he been here? +Has he been here? No. +No. Have you seen him? +Have you seen him? I ain't seen him for a week. +I ain't seen him for a week. Where's Connell? +Where's Connell? He's watching the other door. +He's watching the other door. Oh. Gee, you're swell! Oh. +No sense in going up there! I been here for hours. He ain't here! Oh, let me go, will you! +Oh, let me go, will you! Now, that's crazy. It's fourteen floors! +Had any schooling? Yeah, a little. +Yeah, a little. What do you do when you work? +What do you do when you work? I used to pitch. +I used to pitch. Baseball? +Baseball? Uh-huh. Till my wing[4] went bad. +Uh-huh. Till my wing[4] went bad. Where'd you play? +Where'd you play? Bush leagues mostly.[5] Med. shot: To include the rest of them. They have their eyes glued on his face. ANN is very much interested. +I went up to Miss Mitchell's house, boss. Boy, she's in a bad way. Where is she? +Where is she? Hey, do you know something? She supports a mother and two kids. What do you know about that? +Hey, do you know something? She supports a mother and two kids. What do you know about that? Did you find her? +Did you find her? No. Her mother's awful worried about her. When she left the house she said she was going on a roaring drunk. Er, the girl, I mean! +No. Her mother's awful worried about her. When she left the house she said she was going on a roaring drunk. Er, the girl, I mean! Go out and find her! +Go out and find her! Sure. Hey, but the biggest thing I didn't tell you . . . +Hello! . . . Yeh? Her old man was Doc Mitchell. You know, the doc that saved my mother's life and wouldn't take any money for it? You remember that? Okay, boss, I'll go and look for her. +just called the morgue, boss. They say there's a girl there— Shut up! +Ann! Say, why didn't yuh— Beany! +Hey, boss. Get a load of this. What? +What? Look! +What do they want? They all say they wrote the John Doe letter. +Yeah, Boss? Take charge of him. Get him a suite at the Imperial and hire some bodyguards. +Yeah, yeah, yeah. Both of 'em? +Both of 'em? Yes, both of 'em! But don't let him out of your sight. +Hey, Boss. Oh, quiet, quiet, quiet. Say, tell me something did you read that speech you're gonna make tonight? +Gee whiz, Boss, you know Mr. Norton told me not to leave him, not even for a minute. Go on, go on, go on. And we'll be at Jim's Bar up the street. +Hey, wait a minute, Mr. Doe! . . . Tubby? +Help yourself. Naw. +I've seen guys like you go under before. Guys that never had a worry. Then they got ahold of some dough and went goofy. The first thing that happens to a guy— Hey, did yuh get a load of the bedroom? +Hey, whatsa matter with a bank account, anyway? And let me tell you, Long John. When you become a guy with a bank account, they got you. Yes sir, they got you! +And let me tell you, Long John. When you become a guy with a bank account, they got you. Yes sir, they got you! Who's got him? +Who's got him? The heelots! +The heelots! Who? +And when they get you, you got no more chance than a road-rabbit. Hey. Who'd you say was gonna get him? +Hey, Doc, look. Look, Doc. Gimme that again, will yuh? Who's gonna get him? The heelots! +The heelots! Who are they? +Listen, sucker, yuh ever been broke? Sure. Mostly often. +Sure. Mostly often. All right. You're walking along—not a nickel in your jeans—free as the wind—nobody bothers you—hundreds of people pass yuh by in every line of business—shoes, hats, automobiles, radio, furniture, everything. They're all nice, lovable people, and they let you alone. Is that right? +Ba-ll! I don't know how you're gonna stand it around here till after Christmas. +St-rike! I know why you're hangin' around—you're stuck on a girl—that's all a guy needs is to get hooked up with a woman. +Holy smoke! A half a heelot! There you are, Boss, just like you ordered. Symbols of the little people. +Well, I'll be doggoned if over forty people don't show up. 'Course none of us knew what to do, but we sure got a kick out of seeing how glad everybody was just to say hello to one another. Tell him about making Sourpuss chairman, honey. +Tell him about making Sourpuss chairman, honey. Oh, yeah. We made Sourpuss chairman and decided to call ourselves The John Doe Club. And, say, incidentally, this is my wife. Come here, honey. +Grubbel's here. See? "Yeah. That's—that's him. Of course, you don't know Grubbel, but he's the man that everybody figured was the worst no-account in the neighborhood because he was living like a hermit and nobody'd have anything to do with him. Er, that is until Murphy, the postman told us the truth. ""Why, Grubbel,"" he says, ""he lives out of garbage cans because he won't take charity. Because it'd ruin his self-respect,"" he says." +"Yeah. That's—that's him. Of course, you don't know Grubbel, but he's the man that everybody figured was the worst no-account in the neighborhood because he was living like a hermit and nobody'd have anything to do with him. Er, that is until Murphy, the postman told us the truth. ""Why, Grubbel,"" he says, ""he lives out of garbage cans because he won't take charity. Because it'd ruin his self-respect,"" he says." Just like you said on the radio, Mr. Doe. +You don't have to—Why, we're with you, Mr. Doe. We just lost our heads and acted like a mob. Why, we . . . What Bert's trying to say is—well—we need you, Mr. Doe. There were a lot of us didn't believe what that man said. +This is Sourpuss. Er, excuse me. Er, Mr. Smithers, Mr. Doe. Th—that's all right. If you didn't call me Sourpuss, it wouldn't feel natural. There are snickers from the background. +Th—that's all right. If you didn't call me Sourpuss, it wouldn't feel natural. There are snickers from the background. "Well, anyway, I—I guess nearly everybody in the neighborhood came, except the DeLaneys. The Delaneys live in a big house with an iron fence around it and they always keep their blinds drawn, and we always figured that he was just an old miser that sat back counting his money, so why bother about inviting him? Until Grimes, the milkman spoke up and he said, ""Say, you've got the Delaneys all wrong."" And then he tells us about how they cancelled their milk last week, and how, when he found a note in the bottle he got kinda curious like and he sorta peeked in under the blinds and found the house empty. ""If you ask me,"" he says, ""they're starving.""" +"Well, anyway, I—I guess nearly everybody in the neighborhood came, except the DeLaneys. The Delaneys live in a big house with an iron fence around it and they always keep their blinds drawn, and we always figured that he was just an old miser that sat back counting his money, so why bother about inviting him? Until Grimes, the milkman spoke up and he said, ""Say, you've got the Delaneys all wrong."" And then he tells us about how they cancelled their milk last week, and how, when he found a note in the bottle he got kinda curious like and he sorta peeked in under the blinds and found the house empty. ""If you ask me,"" he says, ""they're starving.""" Old man Delaney has been bringing his furniture over to my place at night, one piece at a time, and selling it. +And then we started to find out about a lot of other people. Yeah, sure. Er, you know Grubbel, for instance. +Well, sir, about a dozen families got together and gave Grubbel a job watering their lawns. Isn't that wonderful? And then we found jobs for six other people and they've all gone off relief! Yeh. Er, and my boss, Mr. Schwabacker made a job in his warehouse for old man Delaney— +No! Well, thank you for listening. Goodbye, Mr. Doe. You're a wonderful man and it strikes me you can be mighty useful walking around for a while. +How could he be a fake? It must be some kind of a gag. +It must be some kind of a gag. A what? +A what? A gag. A gag! +It makes no difference, Bert—the ideas's still good. We don't have to give up our club. Yeah? Well, you can have it! +That man is gonna be on that roof. Don't ask me how I know. I just know. And you know it as well as I do. Sure, sure. I'd like to believe in fairy tales, but a guy that's fake isn't gonna jump off any roof. +Hey, pretty nifty, huh? You ain't gonna get me to stay here. +You ain't gonna get me to stay here. Sure, you are. +Sure, you are. No, sir. That spot under the bridge where we slept last night's good enough for me. +Gimme mine. I ain't staying! You know we were headed for the Columbia River country before all this John Doe business came up. You remember that, don't yuh? Sure. I remember . . . Say, did your ears pop coming up in the elevator? Mine did. +Sure. I remember . . . Say, did your ears pop coming up in the elevator? Mine did. Aw, Long John . . . I tell you—it's no good. You're gonna get used to a lotta stuff that's gonna wreck you. Why, that fifty bucks in your pocket's beginning to show up on you already. And don't pull that on me neither! +Aw, Long John . . . I tell you—it's no good. You're gonna get used to a lotta stuff that's gonna wreck you. Why, that fifty bucks in your pocket's beginning to show up on you already. And don't pull that on me neither! Stop worrying, Colonel. I'm gonna get my arm fixed out of this. +Hey, stop worrying, Colonel. Fifty bucks ain't going to ruin me. I seen plenty of fellers start out with fifty bucks and wind up with a bank account! +You win, Colonel. Here's the fifty. Go on out and get rid of it. You bet I will! As fast as I can! Gonna get some canned goods—a fishing rod, and the rest I'm gonna give away. +I gotta figure some way out of this thing! The elevators are still runnin'. +Yeah, she's a heelot just like the rest of them. It's lucky you got away from her. What was I doin' up there makin' a speech, anyway? Me? Huh? Gee, the more I think about it the more I could . . . +What was I doin' up there makin' a speech, anyway? Me? Huh? Gee, the more I think about it the more I could . . . Tear down all the fences. Why, if you tore one picket off of your neighbor's fence he'd sue you! +Tear down all the fences. Why, if you tore one picket off of your neighbor's fence he'd sue you! Five thousand bucks! I had it right in my hand! +Jitterbugs.[9] Close shot: JOHN and the COLONEL. Yeh. Say, how much money we got left? +Yeh. Say, how much money we got left? Four bits. +Four bits. Better make it doughnuts, huh? +Better make it doughnuts, huh? Yeh. +Join the John Doe Club. John Doe Club? +I trust him. Oh, you trust him, eh? Well, that's fine. I suppose he trusts you, too? +Yeah, but it's got to be by Bone- Setter Brown. Okay, Bone-Setter Brown goes. Here, sign it. Meanwhile, here's fifty dollars for spending money. That's fine. Beany! +Hello, Mr. Connell. Hiyah, John. John, I want to have a little talk with you. What's the matter—are you falling? Come here. +No, I never read the speeches before I make them. I get more of a kick out of it that way. Uh-huh. That's exactly what I thought. Beany, go on down to the office, tell Pop to give you the speech. There's a copy on my desk. +Now, that's all right, isn't it? You betcha. +I get mad for a lot of other guys besides myself—I get mad for a guy named Washington! And a guy named Jefferson—and Lincoln. Lighthouses, John! Lighthouses in a foggy world! You know what I mean? Yeah, you bet! +Listen, pal—this fifth column stuff's pretty rotten, isn't it?[11] Yeah. It certainly is. +Yeah. It certainly is. And you'd feel like an awful sucker if you found yourself marching right in the middle of it, wouldn't you? +You must be wrong, Mr. Connell, 'cause he's been marvelous about the John Doe Clubs. Yeah? Say, you're sold on the John Doe idea, aren't you? +Yeah? Say, you're sold on the John Doe idea, aren't you? Sure. +Sure. Sure. I don't blame you. So am I. +All right! Now, supposing a certain unmentionable worm, whose initials are D. B., was trying to use that to shove his way into the White House. So he could put the screws on, so he could turn out the lights in those lighthouses. What would you say about that? Huh? Nobody's gonna do that, Mr. Connell. They can't use the John Doe Clubs for politics. That's the main idea. +Nobody's gonna do that, Mr. Connell. They can't use the John Doe Clubs for politics. That's the main idea. Is that so? Then what's a big political boss like Hammett doing in town? And a labor leader like Bennett? And a lot of other big shots who are up at D. B.'s house right now? Wolves, John, wolves waiting to cut up the John Does! Wait till you get a gander at that speech you're gonna make tonight! +Is that so? Then what's a big political boss like Hammett doing in town? And a labor leader like Bennett? And a lot of other big shots who are up at D. B.'s house right now? Wolves, John, wolves waiting to cut up the John Does! Wait till you get a gander at that speech you're gonna make tonight! You're all wet. Miss Mitchell writes those speeches and nobody can make her write that kind of stuff. +You're all wet. Miss Mitchell writes those speeches and nobody can make her write that kind of stuff. They can't, huh? Who do you think writes 'em? My Aunt Emma? I know she writes them. +Don't write 'em? Why, that gold- grabbin' dame would double-cross her own mother for a handful of Chinese yen! Shut up! If you weren't drunk I'd— +Go down to the office and arrange for some radio time. Why, D. B., you're not going to fall for— +Why, D. B., you're not going to fall for— I want it as soon as possible. +I want it as soon as possible. Okay. I just came in to get warm, myself. Come on, let's go. +Well, I don't get it. Huh? Get what? +Huh? Get what? Look, D. B. I'm supposed to know my way around. This John Doe movement costs you a fortune. This convention's gonna cost plenty. +Look, D. B. I'm supposed to know my way around. This John Doe movement costs you a fortune. This convention's gonna cost plenty. Well? +Well? Well, I'm stuck with two and two—but I'm a sucker if I can make four out of it. Where do you come in? +Well, I'm stuck with two and two—but I'm a sucker if I can make four out of it. Where do you come in? Why—uh— +I see. I'd better stick to running the paper, huh? I think maybe you'd better. And Connell—I'd like to have the John Doe contract, all the receipts for the money we have advanced him and the letter Miss Mitchell wrote, for which I gave her a thousand dollars. +I think maybe you'd better. And Connell—I'd like to have the John Doe contract, all the receipts for the money we have advanced him and the letter Miss Mitchell wrote, for which I gave her a thousand dollars. Yes. Sure. +Only one thing to do, Hank. Drop the whole business quickly. How? +How? Run a story. Say John Doe was in here, and is sorry he wrote the letter and— +Run a story. Say John Doe was in here, and is sorry he wrote the letter and— "That's right. You got it! Sure! He came in here and I made him change his mind. ""Bulletin editor saves John Doe's life."" Why, it's perfect. I'll have Ned write it up. Oh, Ned!" +Miss Mitchell, do me a favor, will you? Go on out and get married and have a lot o' babies—but stay out o' newspaper business! Better get that story in, Hank, it's getting late. +If you ask me, Hank, you're playing around with dynamite. No, no, no, the gal's right. We can't let the Chronicle get the laugh on us! We've got to produce a John Doe now. Amateur journalism, huh! I'll show those guys. +Show me an American who can keep his mouth shut and—I'll eat him. Okay, Beany, bring 'em in one at a time. Wipe to: Montage: Half a dozen different types of hoboes appear—and in each instance ANN shakes her head, negatively. +Did you write that letter to Miss Mitchell? No, I didn't. +What are you doing up here then? Well, the paper said there were some jobs around loose. Thought there might be one left over. +How about family? Got any family? No. +No. Oh, just traveling through, huh? +Oh, just traveling through, huh? Yeah. Me and a friend of mine. He's outside. +What's your name? Willoughby. John Willoughby, Long John Willoughby they called me in baseball. +Look, Mr. Norton, I think you've got a lot of nerve having those people hold us here. There's nobody holding you here, Mr. Doe. It's only natural that people— +There's nobody holding you here, Mr. Doe. It's only natural that people— Well, if there's nobody holding us here, let's get going. Incidentally, my name isn't Doe. It's Willoughby. +Why, certainly. With your ability to influence people, it might grow into a glorious movement. Say, let's get something straight here. I don't want any part of this thing. If you've got an idea I'm going around lecturing to people, why you're crazy! Baseball's my racket, and I'm sticking to it. Come on, Colonel, let's get out of here. +Is there anything wrong? Oh, no. Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine! So there's gonna be a new order of things, huh? Everybody's gonna cut himself a nice, fat slice of the John Does, eh? You forgot one detail, Mr. Big Shot—you forgot me, the prize stooge of the world. Why, if you or anybody else thinks he's gonna use the John Doe clubs for his own rotten purpose, he's gonna have to do it over my dead body! +Oh, no. Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine! So there's gonna be a new order of things, huh? Everybody's gonna cut himself a nice, fat slice of the John Does, eh? You forgot one detail, Mr. Big Shot—you forgot me, the prize stooge of the world. Why, if you or anybody else thinks he's gonna use the John Doe clubs for his own rotten purpose, he's gonna have to do it over my dead body! Now, hold on a minute, young man! Hold on! That's rather big talk! I started the John Doe clubs with my money and I'll decide whether or not they're being properly used! +Now, hold on a minute, young man! Hold on! That's rather big talk! I started the John Doe clubs with my money and I'll decide whether or not they're being properly used! No you won't! You're through deciding anything! +That's a lie! It's not a lie! Nickels and dimes! To stuff into their own pockets! You can read all about it in the newspapers there! +It's not a lie! Nickels and dimes! To stuff into their own pockets! You can read all about it in the newspapers there! That's a lie! Listen—don't believe what he says . . . +That's a lie! Listen—don't believe what he says . . . Let go of me! This man had no intention of jumping off of the top of a building! He was paid to say so! Do you deny that? +Let go of me! This man had no intention of jumping off of the top of a building! He was paid to say so! Do you deny that? That's got nothing to do with it! +That's got nothing to do with it! Were you paid for it—or weren't you? +Were you paid for it—or weren't you? Yes! I was paid! But the— +Yes! I was paid! But the— And what about the suicide note? You didn't write that, either! +And what about the suicide note? You didn't write that, either! What difference does that make? +What difference does that make? Did you write it—or didn't you? +Did you write it—or didn't you? No, I didn't write it, but— +No, I didn't write it, but— Ah, you bet your life you didn't! You look in your papers, ladies and gentlemen, and you'll find Miss Mitchell's signed confession that she was the one that wrote it! +Ah, you bet your life you didn't! You look in your papers, ladies and gentlemen, and you'll find Miss Mitchell's signed confession that she was the one that wrote it! Listen, folks, it's a fact that I didn't write the letter, but this whole thing started— +Listen, folks, it's a fact that I didn't write the letter, but this whole thing started— There! You see? He admits it! You're a fake, John Doe! And for what you've done to all these good people—they ought to run you out of the country—and I hope they do it! +It's good to see you. Sit down. Thanks. +It's for Ann . . . Oh, how nice! Thank you very much. +Oh, how nice! Thank you very much. Flowers. +Flowers. I'm terribly sorry she isn't here. +I'm terribly sorry she isn't here. She isn't? +She isn't? No, she just left. I'm surprised you didn't run into her. She went over to Mr. Norton's house. +No, she just left. I'm surprised you didn't run into her. She went over to Mr. Norton's house. Oh! +Oh! Did you want to see her about something important? +Did you want to see her about something important? Yeah. I, uh, well . . . No. It'll wait. Say, he's a nice man, isn't he? Mr. Norton, I mean. He's, er, he's done an awful lot for the— +Well, I guess I'll see her at the convention later. Yes, of course. I'll see that she gets the flowers. +Thanks. Good night, Mrs. Mitchell. Good night, John. +Oh, yeah. That's what I mean. See? It was easy as all that, huh? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, but look, Mrs. Mitchell, you know I love Ann and it's gonna be awfully hard for me to say it because, well, you know, she's so wonderful, and, well, the best I ever was was a bush-league pitcher. +I bet you he'd know how to say it all right. And me, I get up to it and around it and in back of it, but, but I never get right to it. Do you know what I mean? So the only chance I've got is, well, if somebody could kinda give her a warning sort of, sorta prepare her for the shock! You mean you'd like me to do it, huh? +You mean you'd like me to do it, huh? Well, I was thinking that—Yeah, you know, sort of break the ice. +Pretty good? Say, I was just about ready for the major leagues when I chipped a bone in my elbow. I got it pitchin' a nineteen-inning game! Nineteen! +Nineteen! Yep. There was a major league scout there watching me, too. And he came down after the game with a contract. Do you know what? I couldn't life my arm to sign it. But I'll be okay again as soon as I get it fixed up. +Yep. There was a major league scout there watching me, too. And he came down after the game with a contract. Do you know what? I couldn't life my arm to sign it. But I'll be okay again as soon as I get it fixed up. That's too bad. +That's too bad. What do you mean, too bad? +What do you mean, too bad? Huh? Oh, that you'll never be able to play again. +Huh? Oh, that you'll never be able to play again. Well, what are you talking about? I just told you I was gonna get a— +Well, what are you talking about? I just told you I was gonna get a— Well, you know how they are in baseball—if a guy's mixed up in a racket— +Well, you know how they are in baseball—if a guy's mixed up in a racket— Racket? What do you mean? +Racket? What do you mean? Well, I was just thinking about this John Doe business. Why, as soon as it comes out it's all a fake, you'll be washed up in baseball, won't you? +Well, I was just thinking about this John Doe business. Why, as soon as it comes out it's all a fake, you'll be washed up in baseball, won't you? Y-yeah. Gee, doggone it, I never thought about that. Gosh! +Y-yeah. Gee, doggone it, I never thought about that. Gosh! And another thing, what about all the kids in the country, the kids that idolize ball players? What are they gonna think about you? Close shot: Of the COLONEL. He has dropped his glove—flopped into a chair—and has taken out his ocarina. +I know one way you can do it. How? +How? Well, when you get up on the radio, all you have to do is say the whole thing's a frame-up. Make you a hero sure as you're born! +Yeah, but how am I gonna get my arm fixed? Well, that's a cinch. I know somebody that'll give you five thousand dollars just to get up on the radio and tell the truth. +Say, who's putting up this dough? Feller runs the Chronicle . Here's the speech you make—and it's all written out for you. +Have you got the speech I gave you? Yeah. +Yeah. Now, look. I'll give this money to the Colonel just as soon as you get started. We'll have a car waiting at the side entrance for you. +Now, look. I'll give this money to the Colonel just as soon as you get started. We'll have a car waiting at the side entrance for you. Okay. +Spencer of the Chronicle . Hold him. Yes, Mrs. Brewster, I'm listening. +Yes, Spencer. Who? The Governor? Well, what about me? it's my building he's jumping off of! And I'm up for re-election, too! Shh! +Shh! What are you doing? Get Connell at the Bulletin ! Why, he's liable to go right past my window, What was that?! +What are you doing? Get Connell at the Bulletin ! Why, he's liable to go right past my window, What was that?! What? +What? Out the window! Something just flew by! +Out the window! Something just flew by! I didn't see anything. +I didn't see anything. Well, don't stand there, you idiot. Go and look. Open the window. Oh, why did he have to pick on my building? +Is there a crowd in the street? No, sir. +No, sir. Then he may be caught on a ledge! Look again! +Then he may be caught on a ledge! Look again! I think it must have been a sea- gull. +I think it must have been a sea- gull. A sea-gull? What's a sea-gull doing around the city hall? That's a bad omen, isn't it? +A sea-gull? What's a sea-gull doing around the city hall? That's a bad omen, isn't it? Oh, n-no, sir. The sea-gull is a lovely bird. +Oh, n-no, sir. The sea-gull is a lovely bird. I-it's all right, Mrs. Brewster. It was just a sea-gull. Er. nothing's happened yet! No, I'm watching. Don't worry. Ju-just leave it all to me! +Hello, guys. Hello, Roper. Glad you could join us. +They're not usually graduate students. SWAT wants to go in. +SWAT wants to go in. What's the rush? They haven't killed anybody yet this week? +No -- you can't do that. You got 7 hostages in there, 1 of them's wounded -- We don't know how bad it is -- The guy ripped the phone out -- SWAT said he's got a gun to the head of a female hostage. If SWAT makes entry now, you're gonna lose 1 hostage, maybe 2. I gotta go in. Maybe I can see what's going on in there. +You got 7 hostages in there, 1 of them's wounded -- We don't know how bad it is -- The guy ripped the phone out -- SWAT said he's got a gun to the head of a female hostage. If SWAT makes entry now, you're gonna lose 1 hostage, maybe 2. I gotta go in. Maybe I can see what's going on in there. I don't know. +I don't know. He's never offed anybody. His rap doesn't show any violence. +He's never offed anybody. His rap doesn't show any violence. Not that we know of. +Not that we know of. We don't know how much time we have. If I can get in to talk to him -- maybe we won't lose anyone. +We don't know how much time we have. If I can get in to talk to him -- maybe we won't lose anyone. Maybe we can get a throw phone in there. +Floor seats. You're my hero. +You're my hero. Dinner's on you. +Dinner's on you. Deal. +Mind if we make a stop on the way? We busted Frank Antonucci on possession. He gave us a lead on that Polk Street jewelry heist. """Phoney Frank""? Don't waste your time. He'd tell you his granny was in on the Kennedy assassination if he could dodge a collar." +"""Phoney Frank""? Don't waste your time. He'd tell you his granny was in on the Kennedy assassination if he could dodge a collar." I still gotta do it. Wasting time is half my job. +I still gotta do it. Wasting time is half my job. Yeah, okay. +This SWAT guy might be a good idea. He may be able to take a little pressure off you. I worry about you. You worried about me, too? The chief's worried about me. Solis is worried about me. Maybe you guys should start some kind of organization. +You worried about me, too? The chief's worried about me. Solis is worried about me. Maybe you guys should start some kind of organization. Speaking of which. I saw you talking to Ronnie this morning. Why can't you get it back together with her. You've gotta be out of your mind not to get with that one. +Speaking of which. I saw you talking to Ronnie this morning. Why can't you get it back together with her. You've gotta be out of your mind not to get with that one. It's not me. It's her. She's going out with this baseball player -- Greg Barnett. +It's not me. It's her. She's going out with this baseball player -- Greg Barnett. No shit! He's good! +No shit! He's good! Fuck him. He swings at anything in the dirt. I could strike him out. +Fuck him. He swings at anything in the dirt. I could strike him out. Don't give up on her. You're getting to the age when you ought to be thinking about these things. +Where's the stereo? Fuck the stereo. What's that smell? +Fuck the stereo. What's that smell? Come on. Just get in. We gotta go. +Apartment 306. You want me to go up with you? +You want me to go up with you? Nah, It probably won't turn up anything. I'm just gonna talk to him. +Nah, It probably won't turn up anything. I'm just gonna talk to him. Good. I don't want to be late. +What's the line? It was Warriors plus 6 this morning. +It was Warriors plus 6 this morning. I'll take half of your action. +Who is it? It's Lieutenant Sam Baffert from the San Francisco Police Department. +What happened? Is there a problem? May I come in? I would just like to ask you a couple of questions. +"Duke Ellington. ""Things Ain't What They Used To Be"", recorded July 30, 1945." Yeah... Yeah... Now I can hear it. +Where did you find an old recording like that? Used record shop down on Turk Street. I was in there looking for some Robert Johnson. Memories... Memory Lane or something... +Used record shop down on Turk Street. I was in there looking for some Robert Johnson. Memories... Memory Lane or something... I've got to stop in there... Mr. Korda, do you know Frank Antonucci? +I've got to stop in there... Mr. Korda, do you know Frank Antonucci? You mean Frank who owns the bakery down the street? +Could I please have a little water? Of course. +Perhaps for his own reasons he entangled me in this... situation. This cousin of yours... What's his name? +This cousin of yours... What's his name? Clarence Teal. +You told Antonucci that shit came from me. So that we could get the best price. He's got respect for you. He's gonna try to lowball me, Mike. +You fucking idiot! Why do you think I use you?... To be a walking advertisement. I'm sorry, Mike. I never heard of LaMarra flipping on anyone before. He said he had the cops paid off. Antonucci never flipped on anyone before. He had the cops paid off. +I'm sorry, Mike. I never heard of LaMarra flipping on anyone before. He said he had the cops paid off. Antonucci never flipped on anyone before. He had the cops paid off. Not the fucking cop that showed up at my door! +Not the fucking cop that showed up at my door! What happened, Mike. +What happened, Mike. You don't want to know. +God damn it! I still needed to case that fucking store. It's too risky to show my face now. I got a couple thousand bucks. You could leave town. +I got a couple thousand bucks. You could leave town. Leave town? They're going to know me in fucking Des Moines now!... They got over ten million in jewels in that place. That's freedom, man. I could go anywhere I want. +You gotta do this for me. I'm in here because of you. Man, what's this about? Ya know, you were robbing a store. It wasn't personal. It was his job. +Man, what's this about? Ya know, you were robbing a store. It wasn't personal. It was his job. Fuck you! You know what he did to me?!... +Don't make do it, Mike. Are you going to turn on me too? Who helped you when you were strung out? Who gave you money? Who bailed you out of jail? +Are you going to turn on me too? Who helped you when you were strung out? Who gave you money? Who bailed you out of jail? I won't get away with it. +I won't get away with it. Nobody knows who you are. Make it look like a robbery. +I... I'm Kevin. I 'm here to help you, D... Dave. You can't help me, man. +Who's controlling your mind? Whoa!... The government. They control everybody's mind. You're too fucking stupid to know that? +This has nothing to do with Walter. They want Walter dead! +Tell me what's wrong. Particles, man. I feel them all the time. I feel them in my arms and legs man, that's how they punish me. +Particles, man. I feel them all the time. I feel them in my arms and legs man, that's how they punish me. How can I help you with the particles? +How can I help you with the particles? It's not just the particles man, it's the whole fucking machine, this is how they get assassins to operate. It's been this way since the cuban missile crisis. +They have less power over you if you look into my eyes. Huh? +Tell my dad. Tell him what, what do you want me to tell him? +Tell him what, what do you want me to tell him? Tell my dad I'm sorry about the watch. +Tell my dad I'm sorry about the watch. I'll tell him. Where does he live. We'll get him on the phone right now. +I hate fucking Springfield. Is that where you're family lives? +Where's the car? I need to get something straight first. +It's my job to see that no one gets killed, Earl... Including you. Then where's my FUCKING car! +Really? Absolutely. Bank robbers are generally your smartest criminals. +The Old Guy? What kind of show of faith is that? I want Debbie. Am I gettin' the car? +Am I gettin' the car? You're gettin' the car. +What?! You want a convertible or hardtop? +Manual or automatic? Automatic. +Automatic. You got it. +Who are you again? Johnny Hawkins. Bail Bonds. I gotta be over at county in fifteen minutes, alright? +Johnny Hawkins. Bail Bonds. I gotta be over at county in fifteen minutes, alright? Johnny who? +Hold on a second here. Is there a problem? +You signed out twice. I what? +I what? Look, why don't you just come on back inside for a second. +Look, why don't you just come on back inside for a second. Wait a minute, lemme see that. +Hi, Roper. Hi, Kimura. Where's the command post? +The suspect came in shortly after the bank opened. Botched robbery. A teller hit the silent alarm. He took seven hostages. Shot one -- the guard. He's still alive. So far he's asked for... ...a car. +...a car. That's right, and a plane waiting at the airport. If he doesn't... +That's right, and a plane waiting at the airport. If he doesn't... ...get 'em, he's going to start shooting hostages in five minutes... +...get 'em, he's going to start shooting hostages in five minutes... That's right. +That's right. What's the suspect's name? +What's the suspect's name? Earl. +We got a guy who's probably on drugs. He's got a record of 459's and he was busted on possession. But he's never been busted on a major felony. What's his demeanor? Well he's a little fucking agitated -- he ripped the phone out. +Well he's a little fucking agitated -- he ripped the phone out. I have to go face to face. +Anything on Korda so far? Solis said to keep you clear of this. +What do you got on Korda? We ran a search on relatives. He has a cousin in town -- Clarence Teal. Smalltime thief. Last known address was on Pine Street. He moved out a month ago. We've got a couple leads on him to check out. +We ran a search on relatives. He has a cousin in town -- Clarence Teal. Smalltime thief. Last known address was on Pine Street. He moved out a month ago. We've got a couple leads on him to check out. Did you check out DMV for any vehicles registration? +Did you check out DMV for any vehicles registration? Being faxed over now. +Being faxed over now. How about the record room for any incident reports? He might be a victim. We can get medical records. Check with burglary detail and see if anyone else knows him, knows his habits. +How about the record room for any incident reports? He might be a victim. We can get medical records. Check with burglary detail and see if anyone else knows him, knows his habits. Roper... +Roper... And what about bars? We can talk to neighbors to see what bars he frequents. +And what about bars? We can talk to neighbors to see what bars he frequents. Roper, we're into it... +You don't have to come here. Yes, I do. That way there's no misunderstandings. I need to make sure no one's hurt, then we can take care of business. +Alright, Roper. You want to come... come. Good. I won't be armed. We gotta operate on trust here. We're going to wrap this up and have you guys out of here as soon as possible. +Are you in charge, Roper? Yep. +Yep. I want a car. Like a four wheel drive. I want it in perfect condition. I want a uniformed cop to drive it up right here. I want him to leave the engine running and walk to the end of the street. Then we'll come out. I don't want any remote control devices in it. I know all the tricks. If it's not in perfect condition, and I mean if its even low on wiper fluid, I'm going to kill somebody and we're gonna start again. +I want a plane waiting at the airport. I'll tell them where I want to go when I get there. Is that all? +Is that all? For now that's all. +For now that's all. You'll get it. But, Joe, I want you to do something for me. Let me take a look around inside. Make sure everybody's okay. +You'll get it. But, Joe, I want you to do something for me. Let me take a look around inside. Make sure everybody's okay. No. You just do shit for me right now. +Joe, I'm doing a lot for you. I think you could give me something to cement the deal... One hostage. I'll give you something. +You can't kill me like this. What if you and me got into a struggle... and my gun went off? +Open your shirt. I'm not wearing a wire. This is just between you and me. +I'm not wearing a wire. This is just between you and me. Shut the fuck up and do what I say! +Satisfied? Open the bag, dump everything on the table. +It's all there. Spread it out. +I'm impressed. I didn't think you could do it. What did you have to do, steal them? Yeah. +Yeah. That's not going to look too good on your service record. +That's not going to look too good on your service record. I'll worry about that. Let's get on with it. +Same here. I've watched you in action. Very impressive. You've got a lot of hard work ahead of you if you want to be a negotiator. +You've got a lot of hard work ahead of you if you want to be a negotiator. I'm ready to do it. And I'm going to be here more than two weeks. +Don't go reading my lips, man. That's an intrusion. Save that shit for the sniper school. Comprende? Sorry... Habit. +We're already past it, aren't we, Kevin? If you say so. +You ever been in a hostage situation? Only at the very end. +Only at the very end. How do you feel after a shooting. +How do you feel after a shooting. Like it had to be done. +It rarely has to be done. I've rarely shot anyone. +I've rarely shot anyone. SWAT is a lifesaving unit, you know. +SWAT is a lifesaving unit, you know. I know. +I know. Try to remember that. +What's the point of this? A little exercise in lateral thinking. The obvious solution isn't always the only solution... See you tomorrow. +I'm sorry about your friend. I had a friend in SWAT killed. I know how it can be. I appreciate your concern. Let's leave it at that. +So, McCall, how come you ended up in San Francisco? They recruited me. Promised me fast advancement. +They recruited me. Promised me fast advancement. Recruited you from where? +Recruited you from where? National Marksman Competition. +National Marksman Competition. With your qualifications you must have had a lot of offers. Why here? +With your qualifications you must have had a lot of offers. Why here? Furthest point I could find from New York. +Furthest point I could find from New York. You don't like New York? +You don't like New York? Spent my whole life there. I just wanted to get out for a while. +Spent my whole life there. I just wanted to get out for a while. You'd never been out of New York? +You'd never been out of New York? Been to Toronto. My mother was born there. +Been to Toronto. My mother was born there. How did you like Toronto? +How did you like Toronto? It was okay. +It was okay. You're a real excitable sort, aren't you? +You're a real excitable sort, aren't you? "You caught me on an ""up"" day. How about you? How did you end up in San Francisco?" +"You caught me on an ""up"" day. How about you? How did you end up in San Francisco?" "I grew up in Oakland... Crossed the Bay Bridge and here I was. So you're looking for ""fast advancement""." +"I grew up in Oakland... Crossed the Bay Bridge and here I was. So you're looking for ""fast advancement""." Is there something wrong with that? +Is there something wrong with that? I'm not sure. +How are we gonna get him out of there? We could fill it with water. +Eighty-five percent of domestic disturbances of this nature end in murder/suicide. Not the ones I'm at. +Come on. Let's go for a drink. I don't really like to drink. +I don't really like to drink. You have to. It's a tradition. +You have to. It's a tradition. Well, if I have to, I have to. +You got a girlfriend? Why? You like my ass? +You wouldn't want to put a small wager on this, would you? I don't gamble. +Yeah, I've got a girlfriend. You living together? +You living together? She's back in Jersey... going to graduate school. +She's back in Jersey... going to graduate school. Explain how that works. +Explain how that works. She's going to come here when she graduates and then we're gonna get married. +She's going to come here when she graduates and then we're gonna get married. She grow up in Livingtston, too? +She grow up in Livingtston, too? No, no, no... She's from Hoboken. +No, no, no... She's from Hoboken. "Oh, ""city girl"". Don't you ever long for companionship with her such a long way away in New Jersey?" +"Oh, ""city girl"". Don't you ever long for companionship with her such a long way away in New Jersey?" We see each other every couple of months. +We see each other every couple of months. Every couple of months, huh? +That's a lot of commitment. I admire that. Do you really? +Do you really? No. Actually I think it's fucking crazy, I don't know if I could do it. +No. Actually I think it's fucking crazy, I don't know if I could do it. Thanks for clearing that up. I hear your former girlfriend is going out with Greg Barnett. +Thanks for clearing that up. I hear your former girlfriend is going out with Greg Barnett. Where did you hear that? +Where did you hear that? Around. Barnett's tough competition. +Around. Barnett's tough competition. Yeah, well that's a sore subject, and therefore out of bounds to a young sprout of a hostage negotiator under my tutelage. +"Lesson two, ""Dead Eye""... should have been lesson one. Never exchange yourself for a hostage." I think I can handle that one. +I think I can handle that one. Yeah, you think so, but it comes up. +You think you can learn, McCall? I think so. +"First things is, don't say, ""What's going on?"" Everybody knows what's going on. I come into this situation, I say, ""I'm glad to see nobody's hurt. That's good. I'm here to help you."" Second: You hesitated. Don't hesitate. If you're thinking, talk while you're thinking, or else he's going to think you're plotting. Which you are. If he thinks you're plotting, you're going to make him nervous. You don't want him nervous. Got that?" No. +No. It'll come. Try again. +Tell me what you need. I need you to bring me the scumbag who ran off with my wife so I can cut off his nuts. +I can't do that. Then get out of my face you worthless piece of frogshit. +Nah, I just throw that in because I enjoy it. So what do I say to this guy? +So what do I say to this guy? "You could say something like, ""Tell me what the scumbag's name is. Maybe we can work something out.""" +"You could say something like, ""Tell me what the scumbag's name is. Maybe we can work something out.""" What? Bring somebody in so he can cut his nuts off? +If you want to be a successful negotiator, you've got to learn to lie. I'm not good at lying. +I'm not good at lying. Get good at it. +Get good at it. It's against my nature. +You know the ten commandments? Yes. +Yes. What's the first commandment? +What's the first commandment? Thou shall have no other God before me. +You tell me. Thou shall not kill... You've killed, right? +Thou shall not kill... You've killed, right? Yes. +Yes. Why? +Why? To save lives. +To save lives. So why would you hesitate to lie to save lives? +My name's McCall. I'm unarmed. Okay, stop. +What did you see? A dirtbag behind the counter holding a sawed-off. A Berretta nine millimeter in his belt. A female hostage, red dress, on the floor in front of the cereal display. Male hostage, jeans and blue checked shirt, three feet to her right. Another male hostage, white pants, green shirt, Nikes, laying in front of the magazine rack. A female dirtbag with a gun under her shirt, sitting against the beer cooler, trying to pass herself off as a hostage, and there's a special on toilet-paper, four for a buck twenty-nine. +Why did he do it? Because he knew the little girl had zero chance of survival and his chances would be a little better... We had a plan, but SWAT opened up too early. He got caught in the crossfire. Let's move on... Notice this. Always use the eyes to keep the connection. It almost like hypnosis. That's the most important thing. Create a connection. You're always on their side... +You know why I like the track? You're a compulsive gambler? +See the favorite? Tail up. Washy. He doesn't want to run today. Cross him off... Now the Six looks good. On his toes. Coat shiny. This trainer/jockey combo does well. We can't leave him out. What do you think? I have two words for you... Seek help. +I have two words for you... Seek help. I have three words for you... Ex-ac- ta. +I bought you a four-six exacta box. You owe me twenty bucks. I do. +We need the 4 and 6 to finish to first and second. Fine. +Ronnie... Yeah, so. Now she's going out with Greg Barnett? +Now she's going out with Greg Barnett? So what do you want?... An autograph. +So what do you want?... An autograph. I don't know why she'd pick him over you. +I'm just practicing my lying. Still needs work. +Still needs work. You're right. I'll never be as good a liar as you. +The 6 horse is last. That's okay. That's his style. +That's okay. That's his style. To run last? +To run last? To run late! +The 6 horse is still last. He'll be running at the quarter pole. +They need to run first and second? Yeah, first and second. +COME ON RUSSELL!... Who the fuck's Russell?! The jockey! +The jockey! COME ON, RUSSELL! +We won! We lost. +We lost. We won. +We won. How much you wanna bet? +How much you wanna bet? You want to bet on whether you won your bet? This is getting sick. +How long you been coming here? About six years. My partner took me. +About six years. My partner took me. Is it always like this? +Is it always like this? Occasionally you lose. +See this. Solis has me driving the shit-mobile, and he picked this up straight out of impound for fourteen grand. Probably worth thirty. Police corruption. It's everywhere. +There's your answer. He's smart. He's cutting down the visibility. +He's cutting down the visibility. And doing a very good job of it. +He's got the girl. Damnit! +What the fuck is going on. I don't know, but I've got to get on there. +I don't know, but I've got to get on there. You're crazy. +You're crazy. Pull up alongside. +It might have happened no matter who was up there. Bullshit! Would it have happened to you? +Bullshit! Would it have happened to you? Maybe... There's one thing you have to remember... You don't create the situations. You can only try to save people from them. +Maybe... There's one thing you have to remember... You don't create the situations. You can only try to save people from them. I thought I could do it. I was so damn sure of myself. But I didn't know what to say. The words wouldn't come. My mouth turned to mush. You make it look so easy, Roper. But it is not. It's not easy. It's a different job than looking through the rifle scope. +I thought I could do it. I was so damn sure of myself. But I didn't know what to say. The words wouldn't come. My mouth turned to mush. You make it look so easy, Roper. But it is not. It's not easy. It's a different job than looking through the rifle scope. That it is. +How many have you lost? I look at it as how many I've saved. That's the way you've got to look at it. +I look at it as how many I've saved. That's the way you've got to look at it. And what about the ones you don't save? +And what about the ones you don't save? You live with it... and they haunt you. It doesn't leave. +You live with it... and they haunt you. It doesn't leave. And what if you can't live with it? +And what if you can't live with it? You've got to decide that for yourself. +He's gonna kill her no matter what. If I take him these jewels he's gonna kill me and her. So what do you want to do? +So what do you want to do? That's a chance I gotta take. +That's a chance I gotta take. Then we better get moving... But there's no way we can get the jewels out of evidence. +Mare Island is an abandoned shipyard, cranes, high buildings... he'll be in place where he can see everything. How are we going to get me in there? Good question. +McCall, you all right? I'm okay. Korda... went down the side of the building... +I'm okay. Korda... went down the side of the building... Stay put. +Roper. Metro Division. Hostage Negotiator. Give me the short version. "Husband came home. Found that guy and his wife ""in flagrante"". Now he's holding her at knife point." +"Husband came home. Found that guy and his wife ""in flagrante"". Now he's holding her at knife point." Which apartment? +Have you evacuated anyone? Only that floor. +Only that floor. Is the hostage injured? +Is the hostage injured? Don't know. She keeps screaming to stay out. He keeps screaming to stay out. We decided to stay out. +Don't know. She keeps screaming to stay out. He keeps screaming to stay out. We decided to stay out. Well, there's a good amount of agreement on that. +I know how you feel, Ray. You don't know shit, and I suggest you leave. +I can't leave, Ray. It's part of my negotiator's oath. Once I'm in the room with the hostage, I have to stay. You don't want to see what I'm going to do to her. +You don't want to see what I'm going to do to her. Let me show you something, Ray. +Same thing happened to me, man. She cheated on me, but I forgave her. You know why? I ain't interested in your life story. +I ain't interested in your life story. Because I was partially to blame. I wasn't around as much as I should have been. I forgot how to love her. +Because I was partially to blame. I wasn't around as much as I should have been. I forgot how to love her. She's the one to blame. Not me. +Ray, think about how she looked when you married her. Think about how happy you were. Don't lose that, man. Don't give up everything. What am I giving up? I'm laid off last year. I'm down to my last unemployment check. I'm out on the streets looking for work and this bitch is banging some asshole in my bed. +Ray, if you walk out of here with me, I'll get you a job. Doing what? Cleaning toilets? +Doing what? Cleaning toilets? I can't guarantee you what it will be. But I swear on my life, I'll find you work. +I can't guarantee you what it will be. But I swear on my life, I'll find you work. And why the fuck would you do that for me? +And why the fuck would you do that for me? Not for you, Ray. For me. A close friend of mine was killed this week. The way I figure it, I stop you from doin' what you said, I'm one up on body count. +Not for you, Ray. For me. A close friend of mine was killed this week. The way I figure it, I stop you from doin' what you said, I'm one up on body count. Who the fuck are you, Mother Teresa? +Who the fuck are you, Mother Teresa? My name's Scott Roper. +This baseball player you're going out with... He's no good for you. Really?! He's a wonderful guy. He makes two million a year, and he worships me. +Really?! He's a wonderful guy. He makes two million a year, and he worships me. I worship you. +I worship you. You worship yourself. +You worship yourself. Ronnie, forget this what's-his-name. +Ronnie, forget this what's-his-name. Greg. +Greg. Did you know he's already got a bad knee? In another 10 years you're going to be pushing him around in a wheelchair. +You know what I think? I think you only want me now, because I'm with somebody else. Who cares what you think. I want you back and that's all that matters. +Let me take you out tomorrow night... Pleeease. I'm going out with Greg tomorrow. +I'm going out with Greg tomorrow. This Greg is really getting in my way. +Please. I'm begging you. Oh, I've got to get a shot of this. +Hey. Hey yourself. Came by to see Troy. +Hey yourself. Came by to see Troy. A little late for that, Scottie. He's asleep. Jack Daniels? +A little late for that, Scottie. He's asleep. Jack Daniels? I'm not drunk. Yet. +I'm not drunk. Yet. Maybe you should be. +Maybe you should be. You heard. +Yeah. I'm sorry. Can I come in? +That a new picture? About 4 months old. I'm working in a new style. +I won't stay long. I had to talk to someone. You don't usually talk to anyone when you're hurting. +You don't usually talk to anyone when you're hurting. It was my fault. I was right downstairs. I should have gone up with him. +It was my fault. I was right downstairs. I should have gone up with him. Scott, You can't save everyone. +Scott, You can't save everyone. I've proved that, didn't I? +Oh, hell, forget it. This won't work. What do you want from me? +What do you want from me? Something I guess I can't have anymore. +Something I guess I can't have anymore. Don't try to make me feel guilty. The whole time we were together, you went out of your way to prove you didn't need me. Now, suddenly, for one night, you need me again. I can't do it. I can't be more than your friend. Because I know what will happen. In a few weeks you'll be back on top, and you'll shut me out just as soon as you don't need me again. +Don't try to make me feel guilty. The whole time we were together, you went out of your way to prove you didn't need me. Now, suddenly, for one night, you need me again. I can't do it. I can't be more than your friend. Because I know what will happen. In a few weeks you'll be back on top, and you'll shut me out just as soon as you don't need me again. You think I didn't need you? +You think I didn't need you? If you did, you never showed it. +If you did, you never showed it. Ronnie... +I wanted to get this out of the way. You got a bet on the game tonight? +You got a bet on the game tonight? As a matter of fact, I do. +It's already started. I was going to catch the last half on TV. +That kind with the garlic and the oil that I like so much? No. The kind from Kraft, with the macaroni and the cheese. +No. The kind from Kraft, with the macaroni and the cheese. I've been craving that stuff all week. +I've been craving that stuff all week. And it's hard to get. +What do you think? Mmm, needs a little something. +Mmm, needs a little something. What are you talking about? This is it. This is the stuff right here. Well, maybe just a pinch more sugar. +What are you talking about? This is it. This is the stuff right here. Well, maybe just a pinch more sugar. Yeah that's it. +Yeah that's it. Why don't you just stick your finger in and stir it up. +Why don't you just stick your finger in and stir it up. Scottie... +Scottie, remember the day you lost that hostage in union square. You came over that night and we made mad, crazy love. But I didn't even know what happened... 'til I heard it on the news the next morning. It's because I wanted to keep you away from that world. +It's because I wanted to keep you away from that world. It's not that world. It's your world. It's part of who you are. +It's not that world. It's your world. It's part of who you are. Veronica, it's not easy for me... I don't know if I can change overnight. But what I'm telling you is that I want to share everything with you, because I don't ever want to be without you again. +What about Greg? What are you gonna tell him? It's okay. We broke up. +It's okay. We broke up. When? +When? Just now. +How's Paco doing? He was going nuts at the park. He met this very attractive poodle. They made plans to meet again next weekend. +You like this place? It's very nice. +It's very nice. I guess you realize that there's something special that I want to talk to you about. +There is? For the last week things have been going pretty well between us. I think we've been doing a good job getting intimate and all that stuff... +Yeah? ...Let me just show you. +How come in those foreign movies the young girl is always with some fat, old guy. In Europe women find older men very sexy. +Korda escaped. And you think he'll... +I don't think you're old and fat enough for me. Use your imagination. +Why don't you come back up with me, Ronnie. I think I'll stand out here in the sun. +Scottie, Scottie... It's all over, babe, it's all over. +Stay here, don't move. Scottie... +Scottie... Do it! +I've never seen sea so blue. Tahiti is magnificent, Scottie. Yeah, I could get used to this Paradise shit. +Scottie? Hmm? +Hmm? I've been thinking. +Hmm? Things have been going pretty well between us, haven't they? +Things have been going pretty well between us, haven't they? Yeah. +Yeah. You've changed you know. I don't think there's anything you can't do once you put your mind to it. +I was just thinking... There's something special I want to talk to you about. I think it's time we went to a whole other phase in our relationship. A deeper level. A deeper level? +A deeper level? That's right. We've got to bare it all. Here and now. 'Cause I think I'm finally ready to go for it... +That's right. We've got to bare it all. Here and now. 'Cause I think I'm finally ready to go for it... Whoa! Wait a minute, Ronnie. Hold on. I know it's beautiful here. The sun, the sand, the sea and all that nature shit can really get to you. But we've got to keep our perspective here. This place isn't real. This isn't reality. +Whoa! Wait a minute, Ronnie. Hold on. I know it's beautiful here. The sun, the sand, the sea and all that nature shit can really get to you. But we've got to keep our perspective here. This place isn't real. This isn't reality. Scott... +Scott... I mean I said this trip should be a 'roadtest'. +I mean I said this trip should be a 'roadtest'. ...the hell are you talking about? +...the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about... What are you talking about? +I'm talking about... What are you talking about? I'm talking about me 'n' you stripping down on this beach and gettin' you know... 'naked in Tahiti'. +I'm talking about me 'n' you stripping down on this beach and gettin' you know... 'naked in Tahiti'. "You talkin' about gettin' 'nekked?' Shit, I thought you were talkin' bout, you know... the ""M"" word." +"You talkin' about gettin' 'nekked?' Shit, I thought you were talkin' bout, you know... the ""M"" word." You thought I was talking about getting married?! +You crazy? With all those people around? Know what you are?! You're a prude, Roper. +Know what you are?! You're a prude, Roper. The hell I am! +The hell I am! Prude. +Prude. First you want me to put on one of those skinny ass bathing suits -- tongs or thongs or whatever you call them -- with my butt cheeks wrapped around a piece of dental floss... No way. +...at the top of the stretch it's Cozy Girl in front with Backtrack coming on... Cozy Girl by a length, Backtrack closing... Come on. Stay up there, Cozy Girl... +It's Cozy Girl holding on... Cozy Girl and Backtrack... I'm en route. E.T.A. in five. +Stay up there, Girl... Cozy Girl in front by a neck... Now a head... +Where's the damn wire?! Here comes the wire... and... Backtrack gets up in the last jump. Cozy girl a very game second. +Here comes the wire... and... Backtrack gets up in the last jump. Cozy girl a very game second. SHIT! +Tell him to give me a raise. "He says, ""Thank you very much."" I'll discuss it with him right now... Good-bye, Chief." +Roper. What? +What? Are you going to make this hard for me? +Are you going to make this hard for me? Depends. What's up? +Depends. What's up? There's been some concern about you continuing to work without back-up. +There's been some concern about you continuing to work without back-up. Define concern. +What if you die and no one can do what you do as well as you do it? Your concern is heartwarming. +Your concern is heartwarming. It's been decided that you take on another partner and train him to be able to take over for you. +It's been decided that you take on another partner and train him to be able to take over for you. Is that what the guy in the Sunday School suit is doing outside? +Is that what the guy in the Sunday School suit is doing outside? His name's Kevin McCall. Every Metro Captain agrees that he's their top sharp-shooter and most likely to succeed. +Great, send him to the Marines. This guy's not a negotiator. He'll quit in two weeks. You let us worry about that. +You let us worry about that. Is there going to be an expression of your appreciation? +Is there going to be an expression of your appreciation? What kind of appreciation are we talking about? +What kind of appreciation are we talking about? The financial kind. I figure I'm going to be working extra hours. All sorts of overtime... training sessions... Not to mention the extra stress... +The financial kind. I figure I'm going to be working extra hours. All sorts of overtime... training sessions... Not to mention the extra stress... What do you think would be in order? +What do you think would be in order? Like ahh... I don't know... Five thousand dollars. +Like ahh... I don't know... Five thousand dollars. Okay, I think I could swing that. +And a car. Hey, you just got a five thousand dollar raise. Get a car of your own. +Hey, you just got a five thousand dollar raise. Get a car of your own. You know you've got nothing but cars down there in impound. +You know you've got nothing but cars down there in impound. Impound isn't a rent-a-car company. +Impound isn't a rent-a-car company. The car is part of the deal. +The car is part of the deal. What happened to your Trans Am? +Repoed this morning. I'll provide you with transportation. +I'll provide you with transportation. And even if this doesn't work, I want all the money. These SWAT guys don't have the temperament. They don't have the background... +The chief says to tell you how sorry he is. He knew Sam Baffert was a good man. He said he was just going up to talk to him. He said... I want to be put on this case. +He said he was just going up to talk to him. He said... I want to be put on this case. I can't do that. +I can't do that. I want to be put on this case. +I want to be put on this case. You know I can't assign you to this. You're much too close to it. You were much too close to Sam. The department will take care of it. +You know I can't assign you to this. You're much too close to it. You were much too close to Sam. The department will take care of it. Who's running it? +Who's running it? Roper... +Roper... Who's running it! +Who's running it! Kimura and Glass will head the investigation. +What do we got? 32 minutes ago the silent alarm went off, then the fire alarm. A unit was a block away, and the suspect got trapped inside. +32 minutes ago the silent alarm went off, then the fire alarm. A unit was a block away, and the suspect got trapped inside. Any verification on numbers. +Any verification on numbers. "We've only seen and talked to one suspect. He calls himself ""Joe"". There's two jewelers, two salespeople, the manager, a security guard, and an elderly woman. This particular store is where they do a lot of jewelry making and repair. They have anywhere from 8 to 10 million in raw stones on any given day, so they sure as shit didn't just wander in. They knew what they were coming for." +"We've only seen and talked to one suspect. He calls himself ""Joe"". There's two jewelers, two salespeople, the manager, a security guard, and an elderly woman. This particular store is where they do a lot of jewelry making and repair. They have anywhere from 8 to 10 million in raw stones on any given day, so they sure as shit didn't just wander in. They knew what they were coming for." What have you promised them? +What have you promised them? Just that I'd talk to my superiors. +Are these yours? Yeah, they are but... +Yeah, they are but... Come on! +This is Halden. Halden, how nice to hear your voice. +Halden, how nice to hear your voice. What do you want? +What do you want? I have found in life that what one wants isn't nearly as important as what one needs. +I have found in life that what one wants isn't nearly as important as what one needs. What do you need? +What do you need? I need to take back what's mine. +There are two million people in there with you. Yes. +Yes. They have nothing to do with this -- +They have nothing to do with this -- -- Two million people lost in the digital night. What do they seek? +God-Damn you! Yes, I believe he has -- +Yes, I believe he has -- -- You've made your point! You've got control of the system. +System's running on auxiliary. Only seven hours before it crashes. True. +True. You're in there. Everybody dies, you go with them -- +You're in there. Everybody dies, you go with them -- -- But don't you remember? I'm already dead. +It's okay. Okay... +Okay... It's all been transferred. +Why? To live forever. +She said I have a son... No, she said she had a son. In a dream she once called life. +How come I can't remember? Because I took it out of your memory. +Because I took it out of your memory. Why -- +Why -- -- Because there'll be no remorse. Not in my world. +As long as it's not 'what's your sign?' If you could meet God, what would you say to him? +That's a strange question. You a strange man? There you are, sitting next to the creator, what do you say? +There you are, sitting next to the creator, what do you say? This is how you pick up women -- +This is how you pick up women -- -- No. +Your life that bad? No, not me, I've been lucky. But I've seen what happens to other people -- +No, not me, I've been lucky. But I've seen what happens to other people -- -- If your life's so good up there Gena, what are you doing down here? +Do you believe in miracles? I'm serious, how did you know my name? +You were right. About what? +Who are you?! Someone who believes in miracles. +You don't have much sex up there in the real world, do you? No... +It's all here... Yes. +The guests are here. Guests? +Guests? Just like you always wanted. +But this is impossible. That's the grace of this world. Nothing's impossible. +What's happening? Nothing, go back to sleep. +It's time to wake up. Wake up?! +Wake up?! From the dream. +The patterns were moved around, but they weren't changed. True. But why? +Halden sent men to kill me in my sleep, but simple illusions won out. So he now sends the legend to finish the deed. No. +No. Then what? +But what would happen to me? I have no body to return to. Not my problem. +Not my problem. So wrong -- +Divinity? Yes. +Yes. You are not a God. +You are not a God. In here I am. +God creates man, man creates technology, technology creates God. End into beginning. In a computer program. +In a computer program. The new world. +The new world. It's not real. +It's not real. Not real? +You were the one who was dying. Yes... +You sealed off the system. When it crashes, everyone dies with you. Yes, but only in the dream they call life. +Yes, but only in the dream they call life. Dream?! +Dream?! And all dreams, no matter how appealing, must eventually end. +Unlimited energy out there. Enough to run this world for all eternity -- -- But you'll never be able to get it through the maze. +-- But you'll never be able to get it through the maze. Me? Of course not. That's why you're here. +With the energy from the net, we can program this world anyway we want. Redwood forests. Oceans. Mountains -- -- Two million people plugged-in here. +-- Two million people plugged-in here. Yes. +Until you're on the net where the corporation can't touch you, you can't open the system. They'll eject it if you do. One would assume so. +But once the system touches the net, all links are severed. Everybody dies. Only up there in the dream they called life. +Only up there in the dream they called life. And down here -- +Remember, I'm not the one who chose this. Yes, so which one of us does that make the coward? +Where the hell are you going? Unfinished business. +Unfinished business. And what about the reconfiguration? +And what about the reconfiguration? Perfect opportunity for you to demonstrate your continued worth. +You sure he's going to come? It's his nature. +It's his nature. But what if he doesn't -- +But what if he doesn't -- -- He will. +How long 'till we can eject? We're going to have to reconfigure. +We're going to have to reconfigure. How long? +How long? At least a day. +Have communications contact all interface centers. Tell them due to high demand, we're at full capacity and so temporarily there's no room for anyone else on the system. What about the customers with reservations? +What about the customers with reservations? Have the staff apologize profusely and issue credit vouchers. But remember, it's a capacity problem. That's all. +The maze has been changed -- -- He says the maze has been changed. I need to know for sure. +Where you plugged-in from? New York. +New York. I'm South Dakota. +What? The weather. +What's her name? Who? +Who? The woman you're stuck on. +The woman you're stuck on. There is no -- +Take care. Take care? Where the hell are you going -- +He had keys. Of course the legend would like to think that. But no one has keys. Your maze was run. +Get some internal police there. Tell them to run a perimeter. But have them wait for me 'till they move in on him. +Doesn't make sense. How the hell does some fucking teenager get to the keys? Sorry, I just design the maze. Keeping the keys secure is your job. +Two maze runners. Someone sends the kid a copy of the access program, then runs the maze at the same time the kid does, using the same codes. +Won't be time if he gets access -- -- He won't. +He had access to the keys -- -- Yes. +We can be there in fifteen minutes and rip him off the system. Go! +You're jumping to conclusions. He's not plugged-into the system. He's in the fucking system! +Try harder. Christoph had spinal cancer. His body kept rejecting gene therapy. He was desperate. It was him, it wasn't us -- +Christoph had spinal cancer. His body kept rejecting gene therapy. He was desperate. It was him, it wasn't us -- -- I saw the program. +Corporate fingerprints all over it. Of course they are. Christoph was stealing every piece of code he could get his hands on. +Of course they are. Christoph was stealing every piece of code he could get his hands on. And you weren't involved. +Because why the hell would you be interested in a program that allows people to live inside your machines? I mean how much profit could there possibly be from owning the universe and selling space in it to people who are dying, or people who are just God-Damned sick of this world -- -- Come on, you know F.C.O. regs. Anyone caught with their R and D hand in the bio-digitization cookie jar spends the rest of their life in federal penitentiary. It's not worth it. +The only way to eject it is from the inside. You've got the keys, send someone in -- +You've got the keys, send someone in -- -- Christoph changed the maze. +One condition. What? +What? The truth. +What is it? The Terrace. First building Christoph ever programmed for us. +The Terrace. First building Christoph ever programmed for us. A hotel? +A hotel? It's not used for anything. +Christoph was a brilliant programmer, but very eccentric. He insisted it be kept vacant. Why? +Why? He wouldn't say. +Christoph was in charge of designing building modules. That's right. +That's right. Then what's with all the staffing programs in his account? +Then what's with all the staffing programs in his account? Good question. +Be a hell of a lot easier to digitize a real person, then strip them down to a module you can use to make as many employee programs as you need. Yes, in theory, I suppose that would work. +Who did he digitize? Listen to yourself. Digitization. You know that officially that's a pure fantasy -- +Listen to yourself. Digitization. You know that officially that's a pure fantasy -- -- Who did he digitize?! +What did he tell you? The truth. +The truth. Not his style. +Not his style. Katie was digitized. +Then you had her killed. Why would I do that? +Why would I do that? To hide the evidence. +We drugged her. So she wouldn't remember. Try harder. +Try harder. There was no need to kill her. +There was no need to kill her. Then where is she? +Then where is she? Come on Tanner, think this through. +An interface attendant. Where? +Where? Times Square. +Need the disk back! Insurance. +Insurance. Insurance? +Insurance? If she's alive, you get it back. +What brings you inside? Cleaning up a mess. +Cleaning up a mess. Some things never change, do they? +I've got to get back. Tanner. +Someone you have to get back to? No. +I'm sorry sir, we need your debit card before we can issue a credit -- -- Katie. +You went to my high-school? No. +No. Then how do you know about -- +Then how do you know about -- -- You told me. +-- You told me. What are you talking about? +Most nights you wake up crying. Never knowing why. Who are you?! +We worked together on the inside. You were on my programming team -- -- The inside? +-- The inside? Night City. +Identical. One's you. One's digital. That's not possible. No one can do that. +That's not possible. No one can do that. Corporation can. +That's why they told you you can't go inside. They can't have you running into her. Her? +You said we were on the same programming team. Yes. +Yes. But I don't know anything about programming. +But I don't know anything about programming. Once they digitized you, they added it. +Why? It was a test. +It was a test. For what? +To see how long it would take for me to realize. Realize? +Realize? You weren't real. +And it meant something. Yes. +What? Way you kiss me. +I wasn't with you. I know. +I know. But you were with me. +But you were with me. Not you. A copy. +Not you. A copy. What's the difference? +I'm sorry. Sorry?! +Sorry?! There was no other choice. +Care to tell us how you came into possession of an illegal access program? Look, I'm doing mute 'till I have a mouthpiece here who's on my side. +Look, I'm doing mute 'till I have a mouthpiece here who's on my side. You don't need a lawyer. We found the program on your laptop. +Don't know what you're talking about. Of course you do. And the only shot you've got of keeping your ass from sinking in a sea of shit is to tell me where you got this program. +What's so funny? This. No point to it. +This. No point to it. Why not? +Why not? Because you'll never believe me. +Because you'll never believe me. Try me. +It was just there. There? +There? My uni-net account. I log on. The program's there. +My uni-net account. I log on. The program's there. Just like that? +Just like that? Just like that -- +Don't know what you're talking about. Of course you do. And the only shot you've got of keeping your ass from sinking in a sea of shit is to tell me where you got this program. +Voice activate. Activated. +Activated. Program name? +Program name? Resurrection. +Resurrection. Describe program function. +Transmit copy of program via satellite north uplink. Destination? +Destination? Tanner-eighteen-six-two-nine. +Tanner-eighteen-six-two-nine. Checking connection. +Connection approved. Ready to transmit -- -- Transmit now! +Access granted. Male or female? Male. +Male. Waiter, busboy, Maitre-De -- +Waiter, busboy, Maitre-De -- -- Waiter. +Standard, modern, upscale -- -- Standard. +-- Standard. Scanning body type. +Program name? Resurrection. +Connect to public access. Access established. +Access established. Select uplink for Federal Communications Office. Department of Enforcement. +Select uplink for Federal Communications Office. Department of Enforcement. Uplink selected. +We've got him locked! Speed? +He's on us!! Wait a second... What time is it? +It's passing over earth as we speak! Trajectory coordinates are 009843. Billy, that's BRILLIANT! +Billy, that's BRILLIANT! We get Ivan into the Comets PATH-- +WE CAN'T BREAK FREE! IMPACT IN EIGHT SECONDS! +Alpha. Is there any way we can defeat this monster? Any way at all? ... Perhaps there is a way... I have heard tales of another power. +It's far too dangerous. Zordon would never allow it. If we don't try, Zordon won't survive! +Ay, yi, yi, yi. The legend speaks of a Master Warrior who lives on the planet Phaedos... This is the only person who knows the secrets of the power. How can we reach Phaedos? +Rangers... I'm afraid you're too late. What?! +What?! Zordon... he's gone. +Is this... food! They're called squirbs. +So how can we get to it? The only way to obtain the power is to achieve the highest state of being... +He wants to know if you'd like a cube of sugar in your tea. Ah... sure. +"In the language of the Nathadians, ""Nin"" stands for ""man"", ""jetti"" stands for ""animal"". Ninjetti - man and animal, together as one. Now, put your hands inside the flame." Yeah, right. +Yeah, right. It will not harm you. +Wow. Sand. Now tell me... what do you see? +Aisha, you are the Bear, stalwart and bold. Stylin'! +I heard that! I'll be at the Observatory Sunday. +... What's happening to him?' Outside of his time warp he's aging at a vastly acellerated rate! +I can hardly walk... I've never been this sore in my life. +We've come all this way for a rock wall?! There should be a way to open it. +Release the power with the power. I've got it! We use the mirrors to reflect the light back into itself!! +SYSTEM MALFUNCTION! OUR SEMI-CONDUCTORS ARE DOWN! +Anybody see anything? ... Let's take a look over there. +SABER TOOTH TIGER! WHITE TIGER! +Let's teach these vermin a few manners. Activating Power Beam! +That's pretty bad. Thank you, Dulcea. For everything. +Release the power WITH the power. What does that mean?! +1600 m.p.h. and increasing! Everybody hold on tight. We're gonna send this sucker into OBLIVION! +In a place that came to be known as Angel Grove. The chamber has been accidently UNCOVERED! You must return it to the depths. or anyone should open it and Ivan is released! +The chamber has been accidently UNCOVERED! You must return it to the depths. or anyone should open it and Ivan is released! To assist you I have retro-fitted your helmets with new Opti-Scan devices. +To assist you I have retro-fitted your helmets with new Opti-Scan devices. Use extreme caution, Rangers. You are dealing with an evil here that is beyond ALL comprehension. +Alpha, my sensors tell me the Rangers were too late! Ivan is on his way here! Hey, NOBODY enters the Command Center without a power coin! +... Alpha, I am deeply concerned about the Rangers... I told them it was too dangerous, but they wouldn't listen. +I told them it was too dangerous, but they wouldn't listen. ... We must try to communicate with them. +By bouncing ultra-high frequencies off one of the network satellites, I can send a long-range pulsar signal to within TWO FEET of the Rangers coordinates. ... I just pray we're not too late. +Ay, yi, yi! The Rangers are going to be CRUSHED! Don't lose hope yet, Alpha! +It is said that to those who possess the Power... all things are possible. Where did it originate? +Where did it originate? "In another time, another dimension. It was brought here long ago by the ""Nathadians"", a people who are now all but extinct. They built an impenetrable stone Monolith to store the power and keep it from their enemies. For thousands of years, beings from all over the Universe have tried to obtain it... ALL have perished." +I see... a fox Close. Billy, you are the Wolf, cunning and swift. +It is said that once you've reached the power... you have only ten triacs to release it. What's a Triac? +What's a Triac? About twenty seconds in your time. +PTERODACTYL! TRICERATOPS! +You okay? I think so. +I am the wolf, cunning and swift! I am the crane, agile and sublime! +Of course! The power is of another world. Another dimension. WE'VE GOT TEN TRIACS BEFORE WE'RE TOAST!! +NINJA CRANE ZORD! NINJA WOLF ZORD! +All systems go! This guy is messing with the wrong teenagers! +That's the only way to the Monolith... We can take these guys! +... Nothing. Release the power with the power. +NEW POWER COINS!! OUR MORPHERS ARE ON LINE! +Two thirty three a.m. Ryan's Comet!! +THREE DEGREES OFF THE COMETS TRAJECTORY! GIVE IT EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT! +009843... 42... 41! WE'RE IN ALIGNMENT! THERE'S THE COMET! +... Not bad. Listen, we appreciate your hospitality, but we really don't have much time. +Let's go after him!! Ultra Ninja Megazord complete! +I'm in! LET'S FLY! +IMPACT IN FIFTEEN SECONDS! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!! +FOUR SECONDS TO IMPACT! WE'RE OUTTA HERE! +The Stealth Eagle is about to fly. Ditto for the Swooping Swallow. +Be the eagle. Be the eagle. Be the swallow. Be the swallow... +The earth was hurtling toward us at seven hundred miles per hour, and we knew at that moment that we were facing death straight in the eye. We could smell it's breath. +Bulk... why don't we give Mr. Peep here a chance to think it over? A stellar idea, Skull. +Here you go! No pushing! There's enough for everybody! +Uh... that's classified, top secret, confidential, undercover information. If we told you -- we'd have to kill you. +There goes the neighborhood. A real shame. +SKULL!! BULK!! +And how do we do that? By learning the ancient art of Ninjetti. It is the Genesis of what you on earth have come to know as the Ninja. It is the perfect union of mind, body and spirit. +It's... an eagle? Look closer. +Look closer. ... A falcon? +... A falcon? Tommy, you are the Falcon, Winged Lord of the Sky. +And how do we release the power? The legend goes that you release the power with the power. +We never liked the cheesedongs in the first place. Couldn''t stand them -- low-class all the way. And did you catch a whiff of their BREATH?! It's like having a conversation with a couple of ONIONS! Not to mention... +Hey, boss! What kind of landing was that?! These clowns are a menace to the sky +As soon as we've taken over the world I'm gonna change my name to Sir Mordant. Or how about MAJOR Mordant?! How about Major Moron? +Just shut your gap! Did I say anything? +I'm outta here. Wait for me! +GET OFF ME! BUT I'M YOUR COUSIN! +BUT I'M YOUR COUSIN! SECOND COUSIN, THREE TIMES REMOVED. NOW GET OFF ME! +Taking over the world is one thing. It's finding good help to run it for you that's the killer. You want me to place a few calls? +No offense, boss, but they might find you a little disgusting. Yes, well, I suppose you'd know a little something about that. Not to worry. I'll ever so gently lure them in and mold them into an army of devils! And what better way to entice them ... than with a little Ivan's Ooze?! +But boss, what about their parents? Ah, the old and doddering. I'm going to SCOURGE their puny minds, reducing them to ZOMBIE'S. And then I'll put them to work rebuilding my empire. +Simon says... Quack like a'duck! +What! "You forgot to say 'Simon says.""" +THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN!!! GO IVAN!! +Mordant, go with them and report back to me! You know boss, I'd really like to help out but I've got this gastronomic condition which rules out all space trave-- +That's right. And then we threw one of them off a mountain and another one into a raqing river! So they've been destroyed? +"""Basically""." "What do you mean ""basically""?" +"What do you mean ""basically""?" Well... we were about to finish them off... when this huge monster came out of nowhere! +Did these sticks make a whistling sound? How'd you know? +How'd you know? Dulcea! That miserable, manipulating loathsome she-devil of a WITCH!! +What is THAT! Feast your eyes upon the exoskeleton of the barbaric HORNITOR! KEEP DIGGING. THE DREADFUL SCORPITRON SHOULD BE CLOSE BY. ONCE I HAVE MY ECTO-MORPHICON MACHINES UP AND RUNNING, I SHALL ANNIHILATE ANGEL GROVE... AND THEN... THE WORLD +Don't you ever have anything nice to say?! Well, if I did I certainly wouldn't say it to you! +Rrgh mmffpprr brghuh!! How dare you?! Nobody shuts up Rita but me! +Isn't this just TYPICAL! We finally do somebody a good turn and just look what happens! From now on it's E-V-I-L, NO exceptions! +I hope those Rangers put that lousy lowlife out of his misery! GO POWER RANGERS! +That was a CHEAP shot! We couldn't have done it better ourselves. +Anybody see them? Activating Power Scope! +How the heck?!... What's going on?! +Six become one... the combined forces of the Ninjetti. Strength in numbers!! +I am the mighty ape! And I am the Falcon, Winged Lord of the Sky! +THREE SECONDS!! LET'S DO IT!? +NINJA APE ZORD! NINJA FALCON ZORD! +There seems to be some confusion about your registration. I believe I can find you a place at the Ambassador. Many persons of the Jewish faith find it quite... I ain't no fuckin' kike! +I ain't no fuckin' kike! I'm sorry, sir. Our clientele is restricted to White Anglo-Saxons. +I'm sorry, sir. Our clientele is restricted to White Anglo-Saxons. And I ain't no nigger either! +And I ain't no nigger either! Sir, we do not use such names at our hotel. +You own a hotel, sir? The Bismark in Chicago. You familiar? +What you're sayin' makes a lotta sense. Ya know, if I keep on killin' people like I have, I won't have no more friends left! You've got the public upset, Al. +You've got the public upset, Al. But you know I never killed nobody that didn't deserve it. +But you know I never killed nobody that didn't deserve it. When the people get so upset, our politician friends gotta listen. +When the people get so upset, our politician friends gotta listen. What are ya tellin' me, Charlie? +We're asking you to go to prison. But I've never served a day. +But I've never served a day. If it wasn't important for everybody, we wouldn't ask. We got friends in Philly. They can send you up for a couple months on a weapons charge. +If it wasn't important for everybody, we wouldn't ask. We got friends in Philly. They can send you up for a couple months on a weapons charge. Awwh, Charlie. +Awwh, Charlie. Minimum security. You'll have everything but broads. +So Chicago's been good to ya. I do right by Johnny Torrio and he does right by me. +I do right by Johnny Torrio and he does right by me. Ya still owe me fifty bucks for the train ticket. +Ya still owe me fifty bucks for the train ticket. And a lot more. Can we talk? +Sure. What's with the brick wall? Since Colosimo bit it, I gotta keep an eye out for his friends. +One fuckin' year ago I had ta hit you up for train fare. Now I can buy the fuckin' train. And I ain't even a fuckin' Sicilian! But ya got a Boss. +But ya got a Boss. Torrio ain't like them guys. He thinks like an American. You'd like him, Charlie. He'd like you. +Torrio ain't like them guys. He thinks like an American. You'd like him, Charlie. He'd like you. Maybe. But he'd still be the Boss. +I'm Bobby Clowes. Kansas City. Charlie Luciano. +Charlie Luciano. You ever been near a meat packing plant? My father makes a couple million per, but the smell in his office is enough to make you puke. +You ever been near a meat packing plant? My father makes a couple million per, but the smell in his office is enough to make you puke. Got the same problem with my pop -- garlic. Nothin' you can do. +Got the same problem with my pop -- garlic. Nothin' you can do. The goddamned bastards. +The goddamned bastards. Tell me about it. +"I remember reading a poem in college. ""Sicily. Poor, noble isle...""." Poor, yeah. +Poor, yeah. But not you. +We have a commission. If there's a dispute over territory, the commission decides. Tell me something, Meyer. How can you get up at dawn to walk on the beach if you're on your honeymoon? +Tell me something, Meyer. How can you get up at dawn to walk on the beach if you're on your honeymoon? The commission don't decide how I spend my honeymoon. +The commission don't decide how I spend my honeymoon. Hey, I ignore my wife too. But on our honeymoon I paid attention. +Hey, I ignore my wife too. But on our honeymoon I paid attention. Boo-Boo. +Boo-Boo. Not another word. +Up here, Boss. That ain't exactly been the lucky spot lately. +That ain't exactly been the lucky spot lately. But from now on it's Lucky's spot. +Maybe you better hear what I got to say first. Whatever you say, Boss. +Whatever you say, Boss. No, Al. Whatever we say. We're all Bosses here. We don' need another. +Why should you be payin' me when we're all equals? You scare me, Charlie. +You scare me, Charlie. Maybe that's why I'm the Boss. +Are you frightened? Why should I be? +I had everything. Once. So what happened? +So what happened? Life knocked me back. +Life knocked me back. I came into this world flat on my ass. +I came into this world flat on my ass. And now you have everything. +And now you have everything. No. Not everything. +No. Not everything. Up down. Down up. It's the same. You see things through both eyes. +Up down. Down up. It's the same. You see things through both eyes. I guess I am. Just a little. +I guess I am. Just a little. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Scared. +When my money moves, I go with it. I trust Mr. Johnson filled you in on the revisions. +Scotch is a very valuable commodity these days. Mr. Rothstein, Can I be frank? You're a gambler, and I know you've had losses. I also know you could sell to Maranzano or Masseria for fifty G's, but nobody sells to those guys once. So if ya really got another buyer, and ya wanna welch, I ain't gonna beef. +I ain't mad. I ain't even surprised. But I can't let ya fuck me. On the other hand, if ya got needs beyond the thirty-five, I'll advance it to you against our next deal on the same terms. Could we step outside? +I got my partner in there! I cannot bear to look at that hideous suit one minute more. +Their asses are here, but their fuckin' heads are still in Sicily. Precisely. We are the true entrepreneurs, and Prohibition is the greatest opportunity we shall ever have. America is begging to be taken like an overripe virgin, but they're still fighting over the crumbs of Little Italy. +Precisely. We are the true entrepreneurs, and Prohibition is the greatest opportunity we shall ever have. America is begging to be taken like an overripe virgin, but they're still fighting over the crumbs of Little Italy. We'll start small. When we got 'em lined up, we increase the supply a bit at a time. Only sell the best stuff. And keep the price high, 'cause ya know how folks hate the taste of cheap booze. +We'll start small. When we got 'em lined up, we increase the supply a bit at a time. Only sell the best stuff. And keep the price high, 'cause ya know how folks hate the taste of cheap booze. An intelligent plan, Mr. Luciano, but listen to me well. It can be ruined in a single careless moment. Keep your feet on the ground and your high opinion of yourself under your hat. +An intelligent plan, Mr. Luciano, but listen to me well. It can be ruined in a single careless moment. Keep your feet on the ground and your high opinion of yourself under your hat. Don't worry. I got friends to take care of that. +When the stiff's an Irish, the cops take it kinda personal. Can't we get a couple whores over? +Four-twenty-eight. What's that divided four ways? +Tommy Reina. Good pal. Better partner. From your mouth ta God's ear. +From your mouth ta God's ear. He's got a line on the good stuff. +We could lose the deal! If we have to. +They told me you wanted to talk about this Shane business. You havin' any luck findin' out who did him? +You havin' any luck findin' out who did him? Shane was a friend of yours? +Shane was a friend of yours? He was around... +He was around... Lad, I'm a busy man. July's always a big month for murder. Fella named Barone turned up just this mornin', throat cut ear to ear. Black Hand. +Lad, I'm a busy man. July's always a big month for murder. Fella named Barone turned up just this mornin', throat cut ear to ear. Black Hand. When you're investigatin', how long ya keep at it? +When you're investigatin', how long ya keep at it? It consoles the bereaved family ta see the perpetrator take his load of juice. We try to oblige. +It consoles the bereaved family ta see the perpetrator take his load of juice. We try to oblige. But if ya can't catch the guys... +But Maranzano's got the men and the brains. Which is why he doesn't need us. +Bastard didn't even show. He's hidin'. Word's out Tommy Reina's goin' over ta Maranzano. +He's hidin'. Word's out Tommy Reina's goin' over ta Maranzano. Get word to Maranzano. I want a meet. Alone. On neutral turf. +Masseria's confused. He can't figure whether you're workin' for Maranzano, or gettin' ready to kill the bastard. So he's spreadin' the word that you're goin' after Profaci because it happened on his turf. I figure Masseria's gonna try to rub out Profaci, and pin it on us. Then Maranzano will have to kill ya. You got men on Profaci's place? +You got men on Profaci's place? We got our boys paintin' the house next door. Around the clock. We're gonna keep old man Profaci alive if it takes twenty coats. +Masseria's tryin' ta find a way around ya. But his patience won't hold out much longer. How's Bugsy doin'? +How's Bugsy doin'? Tommy Reina's hauntin' his dreams. But he'll do his job. +Mad Dog Coll's in town on a job. Who hired the bastard? +Who hired the bastard? Maranzano. Ta ice you. +How much longer we gotta be shut up in this fuckin' sweatbox? Long as Charlie says. +You ain't even a man yet. That ain't what your mama said. +Where'd ya get this funny ravioli? Ya ignorant Guinea, it's kreplach. +No disrespect, Tommy, but why would Mr. Arnold Rothstein wanna do business with bums like us? Why ya always gotta go lookin' for a gift in the mouth of the horse? +I think Maranzano's talkin' a hell of a deal. Sure, Frankie. Fuck me. Fuck Meyer. Fuck Arnold Rothstein who's made us all rich. All so you can be an fuckin' honorary Sicilian! +Sure, Frankie. Fuck me. Fuck Meyer. Fuck Arnold Rothstein who's made us all rich. All so you can be an fuckin' honorary Sicilian! Does Maranzano have to kiss you on the lips before you'll take his goddamn money? +Does Maranzano have to kiss you on the lips before you'll take his goddamn money? If he's gonna fuck me up the ass! +The deal's too good, Frankie What are ya thinkin', Charlie? +A hundred-seven bucks too much. Any kid who drops an extra dime is gonna be talkin' to Moliari. Ya mean we're so rich we're broke? +Well... Mr. Costello handles our business with the government agencies. +Mr. Costello handles our business with the government agencies. That's it. +I'm sorry, but I sleep better when I know I'm with the winning side. We're gonna be the winning side. It's like Rothstein said about that guy in Austria. We're gonna use Maranzano and Masseria. Let 'em knock each other bloody. And then, when everybody's screamin' for peace, we step in to make it. What they're fight in' over, everybody will beg us to take. +We're gonna be the winning side. It's like Rothstein said about that guy in Austria. We're gonna use Maranzano and Masseria. Let 'em knock each other bloody. And then, when everybody's screamin' for peace, we step in to make it. What they're fight in' over, everybody will beg us to take. I thought we just wanted to be left alone to run our business. +Inside, they were talking of you. I can just imagine. +I can just imagine. No. They envy you. +No. They envy you. For being a bootlegger? +For being a bootlegger? For being a man. +You here with Bobby? No. I'm here with you. +What's the matter? I must be going. +Come on. It's Christmas. At least stay for breakfast. I'm already late. +I'm already late. For what? +Luciano. I was calling yesterday. +I was calling yesterday. Something came up. +Something came up. I needed to see you again. +I needed to see you again. Same here. +Same here. You're sure? +Why do you bother with perfume when you smell like this? It's a mask. +It's a mask. You got something to hide? +You got something to hide? It's too late. +It's too late. Have you thought about this? +Have you thought about this? Why? You're the innocent one. +Why? You're the innocent one. Guess I'm too confused to think. +You could have stopped him. Ya never tell a guy about a broad. +Ya never tell a guy about a broad. So you all make the same mistakes? +So you all make the same mistakes? Gives us something in common. +I booked passage to London. London? +London? My friends have a country house we can use for a while. +If I look weak now, it's over. I'm very sorry... I didn't... +I'm very sorry... I didn't... Oh, God. Don't start actin' like a fuckin' wife on me. +A lot of shit came out of me in the hospital. I'm sorry you got hit by it. You must be feeling better, if you're looking for sex again. +Would it be painful for you? It always is. +Charlie? I'm doin' business here! +I'm doin' business here! But there's... +I'm gonna lose you, Charlie. It'll all be over tomorrow. No more wars. No more killin'. Just livin' normal like everybody else. You'll be stuck with me for good. +Charlie! I do this for you, and you'll leave me and my guys alone. Be the fuckin' Boss of all the other Bosses, but we are gonna be our own Bosses. +Come on, Charlie. We gotta have a top guy. Otherwise these wars ain't never gonna stop. As long as ya got one top Boss, somebody else's always gonna be looking to knock him off. And that's war on top of war. +As long as ya got one top Boss, somebody else's always gonna be looking to knock him off. And that's war on top of war. Who'll make the rules? +Who'll make the rules? We'll make 'em, and we'll enforce 'em. All of us. Together. We all get one vote. Includin' me. +We'll make 'em, and we'll enforce 'em. All of us. Together. We all get one vote. Includin' me. Charlie, I'm from the old country, and these American ways get me sometimes confused. You tellin' us you refuse the title of Boss of All the Bosses? +Charlie, I'm from the old country, and these American ways get me sometimes confused. You tellin' us you refuse the title of Boss of All the Bosses? "I don't care what anybody calls me, Joe. Long as it ain't to dirty. And if you fellas get together every year and say, ""Charlie, we still want you to run things for us"", I ain't gonna insult ya by sayin' no." +Julius Caesar never took no vote. And maybe that's why he ended up dead in the streets of Rome. +You fellas got names? Lansky. Meyer Lansky. And that's Bugsy Siegel ya got there. +Meyer just finished the books. A million bucks. In the last six months. +Bugsy, you and I don't need to be in business with Maranzano. We got more jobs than we can handle. That's not the problem. So what is the problem? +So what is the problem? The minute we sell out to Maranzano, that bastard is gonna have you knocked off. +We'll figure out something. I'm supposed to be at my old man's for Christmas dinner at eight. +At least Masseria plays by the rules. Maranzano thinks he's God, and the rules don't apply. Without us, Masseria don't stand a chance, and he knows it. +Meyer. It's nothin'. I'm gettin' married. +It's nothin'. I'm gettin' married. Married? To Anna? You ain't got her in trouble? +Married? To Anna? You ain't got her in trouble? No. We ain't even... +No. We ain't even... Well, good. Woman like that you don't have to keep an eye on. +Well, good. Woman like that you don't have to keep an eye on. Guess I'm not a single type guy. +Guess I'm not a single type guy. Whatta ya mean? It's great! +We're going to Atlantic City for the honeymoon. I'll talk to Nucky. Get you set up like the fuckin' Prince of Wales. +I'll talk to Nucky. Get you set up like the fuckin' Prince of Wales. I been thinkin'... +I been thinkin'... Good. 'Cause every time you start thinkin', we end up makin' money. +Good. 'Cause every time you start thinkin', we end up makin' money. We need to put together a meet for the whole country. We all got the same problems. We could talk. Meet the guys we don't know. Lift a few with the guys we do. +We need to put together a meet for the whole country. We all got the same problems. We could talk. Meet the guys we don't know. Lift a few with the guys we do. Like a party for all our friends. +Like a party for all our friends. Italians, Jews, Irish. One big party. Course, some guys don't get along. +Like Don Maranzano. And if we don't invite Maranzano, we can't invite Masseria. Guys don't wanna be choosin' sides. +And if we don't invite Maranzano, we can't invite Masseria. Guys don't wanna be choosin' sides. I'll handle the Boss. +I'll handle the Boss. So we end up with everybody but the two Bosses, at our meet. We ain't sayin' we're the leaders, but we're leadin'. +So we end up with everybody but the two Bosses, at our meet. We ain't sayin' we're the leaders, but we're leadin'. How soon can we pull this off? +How soon can we pull this off? I'm gettin' married in six weeks. I'll already be in Atlantic City which is probably the best place to do it anyway. +Your honeymoon, Meyer? Might as well put the time to use. +After all this time I'd think you'd know me better, Meyer. It's not myself I'm worried about. +It's not myself I'm worried about. I'll do fine. +You're getting' 10 cc's I told you twenty! +You bastards, I said twenty! It'll just be a few minutes. +It'll just be a few minutes. I NEED THE TWENTY! +Tommy Reina's gone over to Maranzano, but so far Masseria ain't lifted a finger, The fat man's scared. Scared of us, and scared without us. Same with Maranzano. We gotta get their minds back on each other. This fuckin' peace is killin' us. +The fat man's scared. Scared of us, and scared without us. Same with Maranzano. We gotta get their minds back on each other. This fuckin' peace is killin' us. We can get the war started tomorrow, but it won't be pretty. +We can get the war started tomorrow, but it won't be pretty. Who? +Who? Tommy Reina. +Meyer, ain't anybody ever told you ya look more like a bookkeeper than a fuckin' mobster? What's your problem? +What's your problem? It's just that Maranzano's the only bastard I ever heard brag about gettin' audited by the IRS. He came out clean, so he thinks his shit don't stink. +It's just that Maranzano's the only bastard I ever heard brag about gettin' audited by the IRS. He came out clean, so he thinks his shit don't stink. Is there a fuckin' point comin' up anytime soon? +Is there a fuckin' point comin' up anytime soon? Seein' he loved the experience so much, I think we outta give him the pleasure again. +Yeah. So who the fuck does? Come on. Tell us, Shitface. +Come off it, Bugs. Come off it, Bugs. +Come off it, Bugs. Ben-jamin. +We got exactly two choices, Maranzano or Masseria. They don't give a shit about us! +What you mean? Tommy ain't done nothin'. Maranzano will think Masseria ordered the hit, and won't have no choice but to start the war. +Maranzano will think Masseria ordered the hit, and won't have no choice but to start the war. Why's it gotta be Tommy! +Why's it gotta be Tommy! Masseria won't have any choice but to trust you. And as long as we keep the Boss alive, Maranzano can't win without you. +We're gonna change it, Bugs. Once we get rid of the Dons, the Commission's gonna rule. No more wars. No more vendettas. No more Boss of All the Bosses. Yeah. And no more Tommy Reina. +If ever I need a Boss, Joe. Yeah. Yeah. I bet ya feed Maranzano that same line. +I like that. Whatta ya mean, Boss? +Whatta ya mean, Boss? Ya piss like a man. +I'm glad ya come. What's with the banquet? This is supposed to be a private meet. +What's with the banquet? This is supposed to be a private meet. It's only us and Sonny. Hey, Sonny. Come on out. +You boys carryin' pieces? You tryin' ta tell me something? I don't come to a meet with a weapon unless it's with an enemy. +You tryin' ta tell me something? I don't come to a meet with a weapon unless it's with an enemy. See if these two are my friends. +You're a smart boy, Charlie, but there's somethin' you ain't learned yet. A man needs a family. I know. When the storm hits, it don't pay to be caught outside. +I know. When the storm hits, it don't pay to be caught outside. I got a place for you. In my family... or in the cemetery. +I got a place for you. In my family... or in the cemetery. Never threaten me, Boss. +This business is about taking risks. Calculated risks. But Boss, this one don't calculate. +Tommy tells me that Capone's coming in from Chicago. He's trying to make it. +He's trying to make it. He'll think something's wrong I ain't there. +He'll think something's wrong I ain't there. He'll know you were smart enough to stay away, Boss. +He'll know you were smart enough to stay away, Boss. What the fuck does that mean? +What the fuck does that mean? You know that if you come, we gotta invite Maranzano. +You know that if you come, we gotta invite Maranzano. So fuck him. I don't care anymore. Let him come. +So fuck him. I don't care anymore. Let him come. So he can talk to all the families behind your back? Maybe have his own meet at 3:00 AM under the goddamn boardwalk? No. You're too smart for a sucker play. +Where we headed? Wassa matter, Mr. Big Shot. Don't have time for my business no more? +Wassa matter, Mr. Big Shot. Don't have time for my business no more? Boss, I got all the time you need. +Boss, I got all the time you need. I know about you. +And what went on your little party in Atlantic City. I got ears. That little party's gonna make you a lotta money. +That little party's gonna make you a lotta money. MONEY DON'T MEAN SHIT! +MONEY DON'T MEAN SHIT! Didn't know you felt that way. +You and Vito are gonna pull that payroll job. Right now. You gotta plan these things. +You gotta plan these things. And I got it all planned. +If I wanted ta kill ya, I woulda done it long ago. It's not like you ain't given me reason. I'm still the Boss of All the Bosses! And you'll do what I say! +I'm still the Boss of All the Bosses! And you'll do what I say! So tell me when I ain't done it. +So tell me when I ain't done it. How can I trust you when you look at me like that? +How can I trust you when you look at me like that? You got no fuckin' choice. You might be able to stay alive, but you're never gonna win the war from these fuckin' rat holes. +You got no fuckin' choice. You might be able to stay alive, but you're never gonna win the war from these fuckin' rat holes. Tell me, Charlie. Please. +Tell me, Charlie. Please. Why should I go against you, Boss? Nobody can handle this business like you. Maranzano'll never know the crap that you forget. He's got no business bein' Boss. The idea makes me wanna puke. You're the Boss, an it's gonna stay that way. +What are ya thinkin'? Joe Profaci. Carlo Gambino. Vinnie Mangano. Joe Bananas. They all gotta die. +Joe Profaci. Carlo Gambino. Vinnie Mangano. Joe Bananas. They all gotta die. You can't fuck with them. They're heads of families! +You can't fuck with them. They're heads of families! They're friends of our enemy. +They're friends of our enemy. Take one of 'em out, and they'll all line up against us. +Take one of 'em out, and they'll all line up against us. Not if they all die at once. +Every successor will owe his loyalty to us. Together we take out Maranzano, and each family gets a piece of his operation. A mother-fuckin' peace conference. +We gotta talk in private. I got a friend in Coney Island who's gonna open his restaurant just for us. But that's an hour's drive. +But that's an hour's drive. Lobster Fra Diavolo. Spaghetti with red clam sauce. Antipasto. And pastry that'll make you wanna go home and slap your sweet mama. +Ya did good. I ain't seen the Boss so happy in weeks. Look at this boy. He hardly eats. Like that fella killed Caesar. +When ya got all that blood workin' in your belly, it ain't upstairs where it needs to be. The kid just called me stupid. +The kid just called me stupid. Not stupid. Fat. +Not stupid. Fat. Shit. When I was comin' up, bein' fat meant ya had somethin' ta eat. Guy looked like you, people felt sorry for 'em. Right, Gerardo? +Sure. But ya got a deck a cards? I wanna play some Klob. Come on, Charlie. We got business. +Come on, Charlie. We got business. Couple hands. No harm in it. +One move pardner, and you're a dead man. You can't kill me. You gave your word, Charlie. +You can't kill me. You gave your word, Charlie. So? I'll get Bugs ta do it. +Don Maranzano. Welcome. I've heard so much about this club of yours. I had to come and see. +I've heard so much about this club of yours. I had to come and see. Good liquor draws a good crowd. +Good liquor draws a good crowd. I must know more of you, my son. +I must know more of you, my son. Not a lot ta know. +Then perhaps you need to know me. Don, I'd be honored. +Salvatore. My young Caesar. First me, Sallie. Then you. The name's Charlie. +Mussolini is raping Sicily like every Roman before him. So our brothers are coming to America. Soldiers willing to fight and die. Men who know the meaning of honor. Don, you talk about honor, but you mean vendetta. Killin' an' more killin' until nobody can remember how it all started. +And how many soldiers do you have? I've got friends. +I've got friends. I have six hundred. Soldiers. And more every week off the boat. +I have six hundred. Soldiers. And more every week off the boat. An' Masseria's got seven hundred. +He's an animal! He's the Boss of all the Bosses, and I respect him. +The Internal Revenue came to my offices. I turned over all my ledgers. They found nothing. Charlie, I am a businessman. Sittin' around gives me the piles. You got a proposition? +We combine everything. You are my second in command. What about the share. +What about the share. You get fifteen percent. +You get fifteen percent. I got partners. +I got partners. Your Calabrian friend, I will accept. At least Costello eats pasta like us. +Your Calabrian friend, I will accept. At least Costello eats pasta like us. And the Jews? +And the Jews? Share with them as you wish. Do business with them on your own. But no filthy Jew will ever be a brother to me. +Tell me, my son. Why did you go with Giuseppe? He's not our kind. I found that out. +I found that out. We learn from life. +We learn from life. That's why I'm here. +That's why I'm here. Coming with me will be a delicate matter. We will work it out. But Charlie... +Conditions have changed. Some people have become too powerful. I'll take care of the Boss. +If you give him the chance, Lansky will betray you like Judas. I don't fuck my partners. +I don't fuck my partners. No worry, Charlie. I will kill them for you. No one will know. +At first, it will hurt you. But you will come to understand and we will be strong together. You're fuckin' crazy. You're all fuckin' crazy! +Even the beasts of the earth know who rightfully reigns. They do what I tell 'em. +They do what I tell 'em. Salvatore. Always holding himself above. +Salvatore. Always holding himself above. You and me both. Sal-va-to-re. +We must be friends, Charlie. Keep my terms and I won't be your enemy. +Keep my terms and I won't be your enemy. The terms will be mine. +The terms will be mine. The guy doin' the job names the price. If you don't like it, you can kill Masseria yourself. +The guy doin' the job names the price. If you don't like it, you can kill Masseria yourself. I will be the Boss of All Bosses. +I will be the Boss of All Bosses. What makes you think I give a damn about that Sicilian crap? +Tell it to the Calabrian. Tell it to the Jews. You disrespect our tradition. +You disrespect our tradition. Boss, we got our own tradition. We call it treatin' your friends right, and not bein' a pig for every scrap of glory. +Forget it. That's past. No matter what you say to me Salvatore, you are my bambino. +Why didn't you tell me that Maranzano had made you an offer? I turned him down flat. +And if I had known, I would have warned you to expect this. We could have prepared. Masseria's been after me too. +Masseria's been after me too. Thank you for keeping me informed. +Thank you for keeping me informed. We were overdue to get hit. +We were overdue to get hit. You think this is a coincidence? Next week half your customers will be buying their Scotch, our Scotch, from Maranzano. In a month, he'll be in Scotland talking to my distillers, because you can't move product. I'll be out of business, and you'll be working for Maranzano. +You think this is a coincidence? Next week half your customers will be buying their Scotch, our Scotch, from Maranzano. In a month, he'll be in Scotland talking to my distillers, because you can't move product. I'll be out of business, and you'll be working for Maranzano. We can operate around these guys. +We can operate around these guys. Not by scurrying around like a puppies in a roomful of elephants. +Not by scurrying around like a puppies in a roomful of elephants. Okay. I'm listening. +Okay. I'm listening. A hundred years ago Austria was run by a prince named Metternich. Austria was weak, and it's neighbors were strong. But they were ruled by passionate men, while Metternich was ruthless and brilliant. If one country got too strong, he rallied an alliance against it. He would lead all of Europe to the brink of war, then bring the enemies together and forge the peace. +Strategy. Talk English. Okay? I did lousy at school. +Talk English. Okay? I did lousy at school. The Big Picture. +The Big Picture. That's just what I'm sick of. Everybody lookin' ta knock somebody off! Greedy for what you got. A bunch of fuckin' hogs at the trough. +That's just what I'm sick of. Everybody lookin' ta knock somebody off! Greedy for what you got. A bunch of fuckin' hogs at the trough. So change it. +Bring order out of chaos. If you lead... they'll follow. And what do you want out of this? +And what do you want out of this? A peaceful and prosperous retirement. +Know somethin'? This stuff's just kick-the-can on ponies. Shuddup. +Shuddup. Wanna know what I think? +Wanna know what I think? Spare us. +Spare us. I think these rich shits -- no offense Bobby -- are so dead below the waist that they gotta ride around all day swingin' at each other ta get their broads hot. +Those fucks can't leave each other alone. Maranzano and Masseria ain't gonna be satisfied until one of 'em starts a war. Let 'em kill each other off! Why should we care? +Let 'em kill each other off! Why should we care? There won't be any way to stay out of it. +Where's the stiff? Come on. Be polite. +Sorry, Charlie. I gotta get my Johnson worked tonight. Jesus. +Jesus. Hell. It's been four days! +Forget it. Fuck 'em. +Johnson's still on board. Even Maranzano won't screw with Nucky in Atlantic City. But everywhere else, we got nothing but problems. I'll knock 'em in, Charlie. I can do it. Blow his fuckin' head off. Get rid of the bastard for good. +I'll knock 'em in, Charlie. I can do it. Blow his fuckin' head off. Get rid of the bastard for good. You wouldn't live out the week. +Masseria's scared. He might make our deal. We can't sell out to those guys. They ain't businessmen! +So we're gonna knock 'em both off? If it comes to that. Yeah. +Maranzano wants you dead. Yeah. But he needs me alive. +Everybody's talkin' about ya, Charlie. First time anybody ever got took for a ride and lived. Guess I'm just lucky. +Guess I'm just lucky. That's just what they're calling ya pal. Lucky Luciano. +I'm a hard guy. I done more jobs than alla you combined. And I never said no. Not once. But dammit I don't understand why the hell we gotta kill our friends! Because the world ain't big enough for the Dons. So we gotta choose between our friends and ourselves. It ain't the way I'd make the world, but that's the way it is. +Yes? I'm comin' for my twenty thousand. +I'm comin' for my twenty thousand. Luciano is dead? +Luciano is dead? Open a window. Every newsboy in town's screamin' about it. +What a cozy little scene. Kill them! Kill them! +Kill them! Kill them! What's it worth to ya, Boss? +What's it worth to ya, Boss? Anything! +Anything! Anything ain't a very hard number. +Anything ain't a very hard number. One hundred thousand. No... three hundred thousand. +One hundred thousand. No... three hundred thousand. Now that's a hard number. +Jeez, Bugsy. Ya like ta scared the crap outta me. Just wanted ta say hello. +Know something Tommy? You're a mensch. That a Jew compliment? +That a Jew compliment? Best we got. +Best we got. Awww... deep down I'm a bastard, but when ya got eight kids ya can't make enemies. +Awww... deep down I'm a bastard, but when ya got eight kids ya can't make enemies. Guess so. Ya got a minute? I got somethin' for ya. +Take any one ya like. Kinda early for Christmas, Bugs. +Kinda early for Christmas, Bugs. A Jew's gotta let his heart tell him when ta give his presents. +You're fuckin' crazy. But only on purpose, Tommy. +But only on purpose, Tommy. This is nice. I mean it. +Now don't pick a fight. I'm staying over. Oh, poor Buster. He hasn't been fed in a day and a half. Let me get some food... +Special occasion? I don't know. I guess it was... +Who did this? Stu. That was right about the time we met. +Stu. That was right about the time we met. When he first came in to the sleep lab? +When he first came in to the sleep lab? Yeah...before your time. +Jesus, honey...he always joked about you curing him, but I never realized what you cured him from. He hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in years. The nightmares would wake him up, and he'd start right in painting... That boy looked like pluperfect hell. +How do you get from here - to there? Switch hands. +Switch hands. What? +What? I'm serious. It was bicameral disjunction - right brain and left brain out of balance. He was a rightie, so I made him switch the pencil to his left hand. Just to see what'd come out. +Monkeybone? Left-handed, he was funny. He'd been doing all this scary, intense work...then he found out he could draw this stuff, and make me laugh, and he liked that. And then the nightmares just...stopped. +Left-handed, he was funny. He'd been doing all this scary, intense work...then he found out he could draw this stuff, and make me laugh, and he liked that. And then the nightmares just...stopped. Wow - two guys in the same brain. - Which one did you fall in love with? +What's the maximum safe dose? Most we've ever used is half a CC. +Most we've ever used is half a CC. Five CC's. +The thing is, I'm responsible for the way he's acting. It's the nightmare juice. It's got to be. Julie, that stuff probably saved his life. +Julie, that stuff probably saved his life. I can't explain this, Alice, but I'm not so sure it did. It's as if...he's not Stu any more. The Stu I love is gone! He spends all his time in the garage. He says he's...autographing. +"""4/17: Subject, when unaware of observation, prefers to hold eating utensils...with feet. Successfully carves turkey roll holding eating utensils...with feet.""" They had a case like that at Johns Hopkins. Wires got crossed between hands and feet. +Chasing me - animals - horrible - Animals? What kind of animals? +Yeah, I know - Picasso. Guernica, right? That's what everybody says - although personally, I don't see the resemblance. What are you drinking? Uhh - martini? +Uhh - martini? Olive or eyeball? +Olive or eyeball? Olive. - Where exactly am I? +Olive. - Where exactly am I? Dark Town. Land of nightmares. I'm Bull. +Dark Town. Land of nightmares. I'm Bull. Stu Miley. +Stu Miley. Yeah, I've seen a few of your dreams. You're quite a celebrity down here. +Jeez, it all looks like bad late-night cable. Sad commentary, huh? + I beg your pardon? I didn't say anything. +I was, uh, just getting ready to leave... Yo, Jumbo. We got us some kind of ventriloquist here. +Hey, Stu, why so glum? Everybody loves a good humiliation nightmare. Three months, Bull. Three months tonight. Three months since the accident - and I'm no closer to going home than I was then. +Three months, Bull. Three months tonight. Three months since the accident - and I'm no closer to going home than I was then. Aw, buck up. Have another 'tini. +Aw, buck up. Have another 'tini. I'm sick of martinis. I'm sick of the waiting, and the carnival rides, and watching people's nightmares. And of course, I need not add - +You're mad at me. Great. You have every right to be. But we're both mad at Dark Town. We're both mad at Hypnos. Oh, sure. Now you're gonna tell me it was all his idea. You were completely innocent - +Oh, sure. Now you're gonna tell me it was all his idea. You were completely innocent - I'm not going to tell you that. I wanted that E- ticket. I wanted it so bad I'd stare you right in the face to get it - and I'd do the same again. +I'm not going to tell you that. I wanted that E- ticket. I wanted it so bad I'd stare you right in the face to get it - and I'd do the same again. Why?? +Why?? I have a girl up there. And I never - I should've - I just want to tell her I love her. +I have a girl up there. And I never - I should've - I just want to tell her I love her. I'm a simple man. I'm just doing my job. I enjoy my job. Why does everyone want to make it difficult for me? Stealing tickets, switching bodies...it is so irresponsible. +I'm a simple man. I'm just doing my job. I enjoy my job. Why does everyone want to make it difficult for me? Stealing tickets, switching bodies...it is so irresponsible. Death, I'm trying to make things right. Take my soul. Turn me into a paper doll. But give me just one lousy hour. +Death, I'm trying to make things right. Take my soul. Turn me into a paper doll. But give me just one lousy hour. Well - you'd need a body. +If it wasn't for that comic strip of yours, I wouldn't be doing this. But a good chuckle is darned hard to come by. That one where Monkeybone stole the soap cake out of the urinal - I thought I would die. Coming from you, that's quite a compliment. +Coming from you, that's quite a compliment. De nada. Now, come here...bend over...before I change my mind. +De nada. Now, come here...bend over...before I change my mind. Bend over? +DEATH!! I dress up when I want to make an impression. - So how'd it go? +I dress up when I want to make an impression. - So how'd it go? Fine, thanks. Saw my girl, said goodbye, everything's gonna be okay. I guess I'm yours now. +Hey. Where's Monkeybone? Back in your head, where he belongs. No offense, Stu, but on your own you're kinda vanilla. I didn't want to send you back without him. +Back in your head, where he belongs. No offense, Stu, but on your own you're kinda vanilla. I didn't want to send you back without him. Back? You're sending me back? +Back? You're sending me back? "It's irregular, but...I just love that strip of yours. I figure I'll take the ""Family Circus"" guy instead." +"It's irregular, but...I just love that strip of yours. I figure I'll take the ""Family Circus"" guy instead." Death! Thank you! +Death! Thank you! Thank me next time you see me. +Vital signs have stabilized. That's good. Can you give us a realistic sense of my brother's chances? +Can you give us a realistic sense of my brother's chances? He's held on this far. We can't do much but wait and see. +He's held on this far. We can't do much but wait and see. But these...machines are what's keeping him alive, is that right? +At the moment, yes. Can you give me a realistic idea...of how long this is going to last? +Can you give me a realistic idea...of how long this is going to last? Comas are unpredictable. He could wake up today, tomorrow, a month from now... +Comas are unpredictable. He could wake up today, tomorrow, a month from now... Honey, I have to clarify this. The thing is, Dr. Edelstein, my brother has an absolute horror of doctors - hospitals - needles - all of it - +Three months. There's always some brain damage. But at three months...the chances of coming back shrink dramatically with every day. I want him to have every chance, Doctor. We can certainly give it...three months. +What's the matter? I think it's a pig hair. How much is McDonald's offering? +I think it's a pig hair. How much is McDonald's offering? Less. +Oh, here's something. The city zoo is kicking off a fund-raising campaign. They wonder if you'd be willing to appear at a benefit. How much? +How much? Well, nothing. It's a benefit. But we could probably get People and Entertainment Tonight to cover it. +Well, nothing. It's a benefit. But we could probably get People and Entertainment Tonight to cover it. I get it. We could give the public the impression that we were doing something... charitable. Brilliant!! +I get it. We could give the public the impression that we were doing something... charitable. Brilliant!! And last...you remember Bill here, from the Bazoom Toy Company? He's got a little something I think you'll like. +You're really gonna pop the question? Got the ring. Got the airline tickets. Soon as they break that piñata, we'll grab a cab - and it's off to the land of palm trees and coconuts. +Got the ring. Got the airline tickets. Soon as they break that piñata, we'll grab a cab - and it's off to the land of palm trees and coconuts. I can't believe you. You used to hate being the center of attention. Now you're proposing, in public, at a benefit. +I can't believe you. You used to hate being the center of attention. Now you're proposing, in public, at a benefit. Yeah, I was thinking...I mean, I'm a celebrity now, do I really want to get married? But on the other hand, if you're married, they can't testify against you. +Sorry, Julie - won't be a minute. Now Stu - I know you don't like the idea, but you really ought to talk to these guys - Julie and I - we were just gonna go... +Go? There's a potload of money here, pal. You got three major toy companies...you got the guys from Burger God over here... Burger God. The ones that found the pig hair in the french fries? +Burger God. The ones that found the pig hair in the french fries? Never proven. They're ready to pop for a pre- emptive endorsement. Kids love Burger God - +Herb, it's too much. It's all out of hand. Do you know what kind of opportunity you have here? You gotta strike. I'm talking mansions. Lamborghinis. Champagne for mouthwash when you brush your teeth! +Do you know what kind of opportunity you have here? You gotta strike. I'm talking mansions. Lamborghinis. Champagne for mouthwash when you brush your teeth! I don't want to be rich. It's just a trap! +I don't want to be rich. It's just a trap! Being rich is not a trap. That is a dirty lie perpetuated by rich people to keep the failures from killing them. +Being rich is not a trap. That is a dirty lie perpetuated by rich people to keep the failures from killing them. Herb. I have to go. +Herb. I have to go. Why? +Why? I got the ring. Tonight's the night, Herb. Tonight's the night. +Oh my God...you're proposing? My life was totally crappy, Herb, and she... fixed it. She made me happy. Which I'd never been. She loves me the way I am - right now. I don't want everything to change. I don't want her saying yes to some big success. I just want her saying yes to me. +My life was totally crappy, Herb, and she... fixed it. She made me happy. Which I'd never been. She loves me the way I am - right now. I don't want everything to change. I don't want her saying yes to some big success. I just want her saying yes to me. ...In some weird way I respect that. +So here's my idea. We do a giveaway at the zoo benefit. We get a big piñata. We fill it with Monkeybone dolls - hundreds of 'em. A piñata. That's a great idea! +Holy shit. He's stuck in a loop - a nightmare loop. Anybody here know what Oneirix is? +No. I want to give him more. I want to give him a massive dose. That's not going to stop his nightmare - +That's not going to stop his nightmare - I don't want to stop the nightmare, Hutch. I want to crank it up. I want to take it right off the charts. I want to scare him awake. +You know, Julie, even if this works - which it probably won't - that stuff is tricky. You don't know what it'll do to his brain. What'll it do if they pull the plug? +The Nightmare Juice! It's gone! Somebody switched it for a beaker of grape Kool-Aid!! Kool-Aid!? But who'd would want to - +Wait a minute. Stu Miley, right? Boys and girls ...Mr. Stu Miley, in the house! This is an honor. We see a lot of nightmares down here, but yours are like caviar, man. You da shits!! Mr. Hypnos, I saw a dream. My girlfriend was having it. She dreamed they were pulling the plug on me. She was watching me die. +Mr. Hypnos, I saw a dream. My girlfriend was having it. She dreamed they were pulling the plug on me. She was watching me die. Uh huh. And? +Uh huh. And? Well, I have to get a message to her. I have to let her know I'm okay. Until I can get out of here... +Kid - didn't they tell you about this party? Tell me what? +Tell me what? It's a special kind of party. A farewell party. Do you...get what I'm saying? +It's a special kind of party. A farewell party. Do you...get what I'm saying? Farewell? You mean - you mean I'm - +I think I...I'm about to... Am I mistaken, or don't I get to... Is there some... Y'see, Stu, as I understand it, you made this pact with your sister...no life support? +Besides, Julie wouldn't...she'd never... Actually, Stu, Julie doesn't get to decide. That's why she was having the nightmare. They're pulling the plug at nine AM. +Actually, Stu, Julie doesn't get to decide. That's why she was having the nightmare. They're pulling the plug at nine AM. Nine AM! But that's - twelve hours. +Stu, I like you personally, I admire your work, but I'm just the God of Sleep. This is Death's bailiwick. Maybe you could talk to Death! +Maybe you could talk to Death! Me? Me, go crawling to Death? My friend, it will be a cold, cold day in Las Vegas, Nevada, before I go crawling to that piece of - +Now Death is not what you would call a people person, like me. Death is a putz - and I should know. I'm his little brother. You're Death's brother? +You're Death's brother? Oh yeah. Mr. By-the-book, Stick-Up-the-Ass, My- Way-or-the-Highway Death. Believe me - over the course of eternity, you get pretty damned tired of that schtick. So I need a job. He sticks me in this broke-down amusement park, with a buncha animals to run it. I'm supposed to be grateful? +Guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I only have eleven hours and fifty-three minutes to... Oh, right. Cheating Death. There's one thing you might try. Only one guy in history ever pulled it off. Well, actually two. Actually, no, there was that other guy who...well, very few people have done it. +Oh, right. Cheating Death. There's one thing you might try. Only one guy in history ever pulled it off. Well, actually two. Actually, no, there was that other guy who...well, very few people have done it. Hyp, I'll do anything. +Land of Death. How do I get there? Kid, listen: that's all I'm saying. And you didn't hear it from me. +NO! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?? HE'S GOT MY E-TICKET! HE'S GOT MY - Sorry, Stu. It's all part of the deal. We've got big plans for that body of yours! +Sorry, Steve, maybe next time. And how's our new guest settling in - ? YOU SET ME UP!! +Easy, pal! I was coming to congratulate you. It ain't easy snatching one of those E-tickets. Steve here was the last guy to pull it off, and that musta been, what, 25 years ago...? Why'd you do it? What'd I ever do to you?!? +Why'd you do it? What'd I ever do to you?!? It's simple, Stu. We need nightmares - lots of 'em. So whenever we can swing it, we send a guy up to stimulate the flow...a nightmare maker! Like Steve here. Poe. Rasputin...we've been doing this all the way back to Atilla and Genghis Khan! +It's simple, Stu. We need nightmares - lots of 'em. So whenever we can swing it, we send a guy up to stimulate the flow...a nightmare maker! Like Steve here. Poe. Rasputin...we've been doing this all the way back to Atilla and Genghis Khan! But why me? Why'd you pick on me?? +But why me? Why'd you pick on me?? The monkey, of course. It was his idea. +The monkey, of course. It was his idea. Monkeybone...!? +Monkeybone...!? Nobody wants to be a sidekick, Stu. So one day he comes to us - he's got a proposition. We help him get your body...in return he gives us all the nightmares we want. +Nobody wants to be a sidekick, Stu. So one day he comes to us - he's got a proposition. We help him get your body...in return he gives us all the nightmares we want. You're nuts! I'm a comic strip artist! What's he gonna do - draw really scary cartoons?? +You're nuts! I'm a comic strip artist! What's he gonna do - draw really scary cartoons?? Oh, no, no, no. Y'see, Stu, as it happens, that girlfriend of yours figured out the chemical basis of bad dreams. And she just whipped up a big old batch of nightmare juice! +Oh, baby, I can't believe you're back. Home sweet home, huh? Actually, I was expecting something a little swankier. How much loot does old Stu rake in, anyway? +Meaning me, of course. I'm referring to myself. You have to assume Monkeybone would be a pretty lucrative franchise... Baby? Why don't you just...rest on the sofa for a minute. I'll be right back. +Bitchin' good cake. Stu, are you...feeling okay? +Stu, are you...feeling okay? Sure. Why? +Sure. Why? You're acting kind of...odd. +You're acting kind of...odd. In what way? +What are you watching? Ohhh, nothing. +You sure this is...medically advisable? Got a doctor on duty. +Got a doctor on duty. Well. As long as it's okay with Monkeybone - +Priceless! Priceless! This stuff just kills me! I'm heading in to work, baby. Are you sure you'll be okay? +I'm heading in to work, baby. Are you sure you'll be okay? "Oh yeah. There's just one thing I don't get. ""Monkeybone Creator Awakens from Coma"" that's a big story! That's front page news! But I can't find a word of coverage in this stinkin' rag! Hey. Don't I have a TV show?" +"Oh yeah. There's just one thing I don't get. ""Monkeybone Creator Awakens from Coma"" that's a big story! That's front page news! But I can't find a word of coverage in this stinkin' rag! Hey. Don't I have a TV show?" They only made the one episode. They've shown it about nineteen times. +They only made the one episode. They've shown it about nineteen times. I need a new PR guy. +And speaking of which, here's the light of my life, the pert and saucy Miss Julie McElroy. I had to park two blocks away. Is something - +What's this about merchandising? You always hated merchandising! Well, baby, I do, but to look at it from another angle...there's a potload of money here. +Stu? Is that you? Where did you go? Me? Nowhere. I was asleep. +Me? Nowhere. I was asleep. Baby, don't lie. I know you went out. +Baby, don't lie. I know you went out. Not me. Nope. You must've been dreaming. +You're wearing a topcoat, Stu. - Where are your pants? Well, Miss Smarty, if I didn't go out, I wouldn't need any pants. Now would I? +We'll hop a plane tonight. An island ceremony. An Abba Dabba honeymoon! It looks so...new. +It looks so...new. It is new. Why wouldn't it be new? +It is new. Why wouldn't it be new? But the heirloom ring. Your grandmother's ring... +But the heirloom ring. Your grandmother's ring... Heirloom? Huh? You want a used ring - ? +Boy, the nuts are out tonight. What'd that creep call you - ? "He called me ""Doc.""" +You want to leave? But Stu - you're a big hit! Everyone loves you! They don't love me. They love Monkeybone. +They don't love me. They love Monkeybone. It was you who got the standing O. It was you drawing on the belly over there... +It was you who got the standing O. It was you drawing on the belly over there... That was especially Monkeybone. Come on, Doc, I don't want to be stuck here with this bunch of media creeps. I just want to be us. Home. Alone! I have something I have to give you. +That was especially Monkeybone. Come on, Doc, I don't want to be stuck here with this bunch of media creeps. I just want to be us. Home. Alone! I have something I have to give you. Can't you give it to me later? +Can't you give it to me later? Yeah, I could, but the thing is, if later got here sooner, it would be...better. +Look at this! He won't let us leave! Who? +Who? The monkey!! He's everywhere! He'll take over both our lives if we let him. +The monkey!! He's everywhere! He'll take over both our lives if we let him. Stu - stop it. That monkey is good luck. You thought him up, and everybody loves him, and he's probably going to make you rich. So relax! Enjoy it! +Stu - stop it. That monkey is good luck. You thought him up, and everybody loves him, and he's probably going to make you rich. So relax! Enjoy it! I'm trying. It's weird, that's all. I never had any good luck, until I met you...what if it's all just another bad dream? +I'm trying. It's weird, that's all. I never had any good luck, until I met you...what if it's all just another bad dream? "What's the ""bad"" part?" +"What's the ""bad"" part?" I might wake up. +I might wake up. If you do, I'll be right there beside you. So face it. You're just going to have to be happy! + If you do, I'll be right there beside you. So face it. You're just going to have to be happy! I am happy. It just so happens this is the happiest night of my life. +Did we just - hit something? I don't think so. +I don't think so. Are you okay?? +I'm fine, baby. We're all okay. We were lucky. I'd better go report this... +Stu? Julie?... Hey, you are a looker. +How was it? I don't recall. It was great, baby. Let's get you to the ER. +Oh, Stu. Tell me I'm not dreaming. Baby...you're asking the wrong guy. +What's the matter? My tail itches. +Oh, Julie...my poor Stu...my poor baby brother... When'd you get in? +When'd you get in? An hour ago. I tried to prepare myself, but I didn't know he would be like, like this. I can't even bear to look at him... How about you? You're okay? +An hour ago. I tried to prepare myself, but I didn't know he would be like, like this. I can't even bear to look at him... How about you? You're okay? I'm fine, Kimmy. Fine. +I'm fine, Kimmy. Fine. I had so much I always wanted to say to him. At least he had a chance to give you the ring. +I had so much I always wanted to say to him. At least he had a chance to give you the ring. The ring... +The ring... Grandmama's ring. The engagement ring. He asked me to send it to him - +Kimmy, he doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't even know he's in a - Please, Julie. This is not easy for me. Our father took a long time to die. A long time. It just about killed us all. And Stu and I made a pact that when our time came - we wouldn't let it drag out. +Please, Julie. This is not easy for me. Our father took a long time to die. A long time. It just about killed us all. And Stu and I made a pact that when our time came - we wouldn't let it drag out. It's too soon even to - talk about that! +It's too soon even to - talk about that! Give me a date, Doctor. +Kimmy! What's the matter? This is hard for me, Julie...very hard...but it's been three months now, and... I gave the order. +Nothing for him! He's being repressed. Is something wrong, Stu? You seem so tense. +Hypnos? Yeah. To see if he could expedite my case. But I wait, and I wait, and...I'm starting to think I'll never see her again. +I'm so sorry, Stu. I wanted to tell you what was going on. I really, really liked you. Kitty...my situation is really not important. The thing is, my girlfriend is now living with, and possibly engaged to, a demented monkey. +Kitty...my situation is really not important. The thing is, my girlfriend is now living with, and possibly engaged to, a demented monkey. You're such a beautiful man. Look at you - stuck in this place, and only thinking of her. +You're such a beautiful man. Look at you - stuck in this place, and only thinking of her. Listen to me! Is there any way I can warn her what Monkeybone is up to?? +Don't ask where I got it. You can't do this! You'll get in trouble! +You can't do this! You'll get in trouble! You're the only true-hearted man I ever met. You find a way back to that girl of yours and make her happy. +You're the only true-hearted man I ever met. You find a way back to that girl of yours and make her happy. How am I gonna get past the guards? +How am I gonna get past the guards? I'll worry about the guards. OKAY, STU. SEE YOU IN A DAY OR TWO. +Go. Just go. Thanks, Kitty, I'll never forget you for th-- +You have humiliated me in public for the last time. I doubt that. Besides, I can't help myself. I'm just a figment of your imagination. +I doubt that. Besides, I can't help myself. I'm just a figment of your imagination. Then you can learn to act normally. I had to! +Then you can learn to act normally. I had to! Aw, come on. You know you love me. You're a masochistic pain freak. You gotta love me. +Aw, come on. You know you love me. You're a masochistic pain freak. You gotta love me. I am not. And I don't gotta. +You are too! Mooning over Julie when we could both be gettin' some o' this fine local action. It's not like she's gonna know. Out of town, under five minutes, and in a coma don't count. Sorry. The women here aren't my type. Most of them aren't even my species. +Aaah, it's the same as always...poor mope's just wishin' he was me. I've been trying to get through to the head guy - the nightmare god - what's his name? +My Fellow Americans. I have a dream. Let us boldly go where no man has gone before. I'm sorry, Kitty - what were you saying? +Come on, pal! It was a compliment! You'da done the same if you had the equipment! THAT DOES IT! BACK IN THE PACK! +THAT DOES IT! BACK IN THE PACK! FORGET IT! NO WAY! I'M NOT GETTING - +I'm reportin' this to my union!! What union? +What union? The sidekicks' union! Me, Tonto, and Robin the Boy Wonder. You top bananas better watch your ass! +I left my phone number in your undies. Try not to lose it in traffic. Sorry, Kitty! I'll be right back after I choke my monkey. +He's ninety. He's practically dead already. How come he goes back and I stay here? Maybe he wanted to pick out his own casket? +Maybe he wanted to pick out his own casket? HEY!! HEY, YOU!! +He got an E-ticket. Where's mine? When do I get to wake up?? Stu? Stu? Let's not disturb the nice Reaper. +Stu? Stu? Let's not disturb the nice Reaper. I've been stuck down here for months. Somebody had better start paying attention, or I'm gonna - I'm gonna kick ass! +I've been stuck down here for months. Somebody had better start paying attention, or I'm gonna - I'm gonna kick ass! Let's not kick the nice Reaper's ass. +Y'call that art? Why, my three-year-old can paint better than that. Like you'd know. You started out on the back of a napkin, you little...doodle. +How'd you get in there? Stu... It's a party. +Stu... It's a party. Mr. Hypnos - sir - I needed to talk to you - +Pact? Pact? NO LIFE SUPPORT?? Well - yeah - but that doesn't...apply. It was different then. I was depressed. My life is great now. I'm in love! +I'm so dumb! I deserve to die - Mr. Hypnos, you run this place. I'm begging you. There's gotta be something I can do. +Fate worse than death! Well, it's been real, boss, but I gotta go buff up my resumé. ANYBODY HERE NEED A FIGMENT? Fine! Don't put yourself out. I'll go to the land of Death alone. +Fine! Don't put yourself out. I'll go to the land of Death alone. Stu, you have my absolute confidence. ­- DEAD MAN! DEAD MAN WALKING!! +Stu, you have my absolute confidence. ­- DEAD MAN! DEAD MAN WALKING!! I've got one chance to get back to Julie, and I'm gonna take it - with or without you. +Hey. Aren't you gonna talk me into it? No. Goodbye. Thanks for nothing. +You gotta talk me into it. You'll screw up on your own. I mean, a guy's gotta have a sidekick. For moral support! Wisecracks - snappy banter - It's the land of Death, Stu, the Land of Death! Don't go in there without your comedy relief!! All right. You can come. +All right. You can come. OH, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! TH-- Something went very, very wrong here. +OH, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! TH-- Something went very, very wrong here. Now we just gotta figure out how to get there. +He's taking her to the land of Death, right? So all we've gotta do is...hitch a ride! Stop shaking! I'll protect you. Oh, sure. Mr. Action Hero! Why couldn't I be Arnold Schwarzenegger's figment? +Where'd he go?? I don't know. +Stu...Stu... IT'S NOT WORKING. +IT'S NOT WORKING. There's a thing here! There's a switch! +Stu...LOOK! What? +What? Isn't that Lulu? +You saved my life, Monkeybone. I never would've made it without you. Move it. We got exactly five minutes left. +Move it. We got exactly five minutes left. It's just...now that I'm leaving, I feel like there's lots of things I haven't said. Who's gonna look out for you? Are you gonna be okay when I'm gone? +It's just...now that I'm leaving, I feel like there's lots of things I haven't said. Who's gonna look out for you? Are you gonna be okay when I'm gone? Oh, don't you worry. I'll be fine. +Oh, don't you worry. I'll be fine. You've been a hell of a figment, pal. I sure wish I could take you home with me. +Awwww. Worried about my feelings, are you? Well, there's a new twist. Don't joke around, little buddy. I mean it. I really do love y-- +Oh, please, don't hurt me. I just need to use the phone, lady. +I just need to use the phone, lady. Oh, let me get out of your way then. +Oh, let me get out of your way then. What happened? Did you lose your keys? +What happened? Did you lose your keys? Have a nice day. +Excuse me, sir. I just wanted to thank you for helping me get into my building yesterday. Yeah, sure, no problem, you're welcome. +Yeah, sure, no problem, you're welcome. My daughter lives across the street from you people and she tells me that you keep this area safe. Is that true? +My daughter lives across the street from you people and she tells me that you keep this area safe. Is that true? We like to think so, yeah. +We like to think so, yeah. And you don't deal drugs? +Who told you we deal drugs? I'm just concerned about my daughter. +I'm just concerned about my daughter. You don't have to worry. She's going to be fine. We're law-abiding citizens just like you. +You don't have to worry. She's going to be fine. We're law-abiding citizens just like you. What about yesterday? Kicking that poor boy? +What about yesterday? Kicking that poor boy? That poor boy's a crack dealer from Alphabet City. We do not allow his kind on this block. +Is there something else I can do for you? Well, I'd love to see inside your club. +Well, I'd love to see inside your club. You want to come inside? +You want to come inside? Well, if you're not holding a meeting or anything. +So, what do you think? Well, once you're inside, it's nice. +Well, once you're inside, it's nice. You don't like where I live? +Well, when I walked up the block, I ... well, my word! That's New York. It looks rundown, but it's safe during the day. You'll get used to it. +I wanted to ask you something. Those motorcycles across the street ...? Uh-huh? +Uh-huh? ... What are they all doing there? +... What are they all doing there? That's the Satan's Disciples' New York headquarters. +That's the Satan's Disciples' New York headquarters. The motorcycle gang? Don't they deal drugs and rape young girls? +The motorcycle gang? Don't they deal drugs and rape young girls? I've never had any problem with them. People say it's the safest block in the East Village. I just hope their motorcycles don't keep you up at night. +I just can't seem to focus on anything these days. That's why it's good you came to visit me. +That's why it's good you came to visit me. How are you doing sweetheart? +How are you doing sweetheart? I'm good. +I'm good. Dating anyone? +Dating anyone? No, I'm working too much, I don't have time. +No, I'm working too much, I don't have time. What about the fellow in those pictures? +What about the fellow in those pictures? What pictures? +What pictures? You know ... ... whoops! +You know ... ... whoops! Mother! +Mother! Well, they were right out in plain view. +Well, they were right out in plain view. Behind the books. +Behind the books. But I was dusting. +But I was dusting. I was seeing Aaron and there were some ... complications. +I was seeing Aaron and there were some ... complications. He seemed quite taken with you. +He seemed quite taken with you. I don't want to talk about it. +I don't want to talk about it. You know, you never tell me anything. +You know, you never tell me anything. That's not true. Besides, I don't want you dusting. I want you to see New York. +Don, this is my mother. Mom, this is my boss, Don Palmer. Oh, it's so nice to meet you. +Mother, I ... My daughter lives right across the street from the Satan's Disciples' clubhouse, and I was so worried about her ... so, I went over and introduced myself. And they were the nicest people. +What's wrong? Mom ... I mean, it's amusing to imagine such a thing, but ... how many of those pills have you been taking? +Mom ... I mean, it's amusing to imagine such a thing, but ... how many of those pills have you been taking? Oh, that has nothing to do with it. +Oh, that has nothing to do with it. No, no, it's my fault. I've been pushing you too hard to do things on your own. +Mom, I need to talk to you. If it's about the bikers, dear, I don't want to talk about it. +If it's about the bikers, dear, I don't want to talk about it. No, I had a dream about daddy. Do you think I'll ever meet anyone like him? +No, I had a dream about daddy. Do you think I'll ever meet anyone like him? Oh, I hope so, dear. +Oh, I hope so, dear. You know that guy in the pictures you saw? +You know that guy in the pictures you saw? Aaron? +Aaron? Yeah ... turned out to be a real jerk. +Yeah ... turned out to be a real jerk. I'm sorry. +It's unusually quiet tonight, isn't it? Mm hmm. +I think you should consider coming out and staying with me longer. Oh, I don't want to be in the way. You've got your career and everything. +Oh, I don't want to be in the way. You've got your career and everything. You wouldn't be in the way. I like having you around. +You wouldn't be in the way. I like having you around. Dear, I was thinking. Why don't we go to Paris next year? I've never been. Your father, God bless him, wasn't much for traveling. +Dear, I was thinking. Why don't we go to Paris next year? I've never been. Your father, God bless him, wasn't much for traveling. I'd love to. +Here you go. I think you should talk to Dr. Byrne when you get back about how much Valium he's prescribing. Okay? At my age, I'm going to take any pill that makes me feel better. +At my age, I'm going to take any pill that makes me feel better. Mother! +Mother! I can make my own decisions. +I love you, Mom. I have to run. You remembered to call the limousine service, right? Mm hmm. +Mm hmm. Well, bye. And have a safe trip ... and ... Paris in the spring! +Well, bye. And have a safe trip ... and ... Paris in the spring! Goodbye, sweetheart. +Who is it? It's Marika. Is Paula there? +It's Marika. Is Paula there? She's at work. I'm her mother. +She's at work. I'm her mother. Oh. I thought today was Saturday. +I'm sorry. I had a wretched night. Oh. You need a cappuccino. +And there was this number on my phone bill that I didn't recognize. Calls made at three and four in the morning. So, I called the number ... and a woman answered. And I ... I hung up. So, then I followed him. Just like in the movies. And I found out that he has a wife and a little girl living in Brooklyn. We had been going together for almost a year. Men ... they're all the same. Our pastor in Sioux Falls was caught with his wife's sister. +Men ... they're all the same. Our pastor in Sioux Falls was caught with his wife's sister. Really? +Really? Oh, it was such a big scandal. +Oh, it was such a big scandal. What happened? +What happened? Poor man had to leave town. And I hear that other women came forward. +You know, you ought to come out to South Dakota some time and meet my son, Steve. He's single. What does he do? +What does he do? He's an organic farmer. +He's an organic farmer. Oh. Well, that would be a ... change. Thank you, Mrs. Peterson. You have a very reassuring voice. +I wonder what they do in there? Don't they frighten you? They all look so ... ... Manly? +Where to? Are you sure you got my bag in? +Are you sure you got my bag in? What do you think? I left it on the curb? +What do you think? I left it on the curb? I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous. It's my first time in New York. Just a minute. +I came to New York to visit my youngest daughter. And where is she? +And where is she? She would have come to the airport to meet me - she wanted to - but ... but, she just started a new job and, well, I guess no one drives here. +She would have come to the airport to meet me - she wanted to - but ... but, she just started a new job and, well, I guess no one drives here. So, you come here all by yourself? +So, you come here all by yourself? Uh, yes. My husband passed away recently ... +Uh, yes. My husband passed away recently ... ... Oh ... +... Oh ... ... And the children thought I should take a trip. +... And the children thought I should take a trip. Yeah. +Yeah. I'm from South Dakota. Where are you from? +I'm from South Dakota. Where are you from? Moscow. +Moscow. Ohhh. Do you know the East Village? +Ohhh. Do you know the East Village? Oh, yeah ... yeah ... it's a hellhole. +Oh, yeah ... yeah ... it's a hellhole. You mean it's dangerous? +You mean it's dangerous? Nah, not dangerous. Not that dangerous. Not during the day. +This is one-way street. You go down the block to the middle. This way? +This way? Yeah. Not far. You will be fine. It's still day. +I see. How much? Forty-five all total. +Forty-five all total. Forty-five? I thought it was only supposed to be thirty? +Forty-five? I thought it was only supposed to be thirty? Thirty is base price. Tolls, tax, tip ... it all adds up. +Here you are, Senator. Not a bad desk, either. Daniel Webster used to use it. Daniel Webster? Sat here? Say--that man was a great orator. +Daniel Webster? Sat here? Say--that man was a great orator. Give you something to shoot at, Senator--if you figure on doing any talking. +Give you something to shoot at, Senator--if you figure on doing any talking. Not me, sonny. I'm just going to sit around and listen. What's this? +Not me, sonny. I'm just going to sit around and listen. What's this? Calendar for the day. You'll find the Senate Manual in the drawer. Anything else you want, just snap for a page. +Calendar for the day. You'll find the Senate Manual in the drawer. Anything else you want, just snap for a page. Where's the Majority Leader? +Where's the Majority Leader? The Majority Leader? Right over there. And that's [ ] the Minority Leader. They're both pretty good in the clinches. +The Majority Leader? Right over there. And that's [ ] the Minority Leader. They're both pretty good in the clinches. Uh-huh. And where's the Press Galery? +Uh-huh. And where's the Press Galery? Right up there over the Vice- President's chair--the four in the front row represent the four big news services. You've met the press bunch, haven't you? +Right up there over the Vice- President's chair--the four in the front row represent the four big news services. You've met the press bunch, haven't you? Oh, yes--they're fine people--regular people. +Oh, yes--they're fine people--regular people. Look out for those fellows--they tell the truth about you--sometimes. That corner over there is reserved for guides and sightseers who come in for five minutes to rest their feet. That section over there is reserved for Senator's friends. The front row--the empty one--is for the President and White House guests-- see that old couple over there-- they've attended every session for the last twenty years. Over the clock back here is the Diplomatic section. They and the page boys are the only real class we have in this place. The rest are mostly people who come here like they go to the zoo-- +Look out for those fellows--they tell the truth about you--sometimes. That corner over there is reserved for guides and sightseers who come in for five minutes to rest their feet. That section over there is reserved for Senator's friends. The front row--the empty one--is for the President and White House guests-- see that old couple over there-- they've attended every session for the last twenty years. Over the clock back here is the Diplomatic section. They and the page boys are the only real class we have in this place. The rest are mostly people who come here like they go to the zoo-- Those busts up there--all around the wall--who are they, sonny? +Those busts up there--all around the wall--who are they, sonny? All the ex-vice-Presidents. You can get ten-to-one around here if you think you can remember their names. The Vice-President presides over the Senate--you know that. It's how he earns his pay. Oh--over there, Senator-- on the east side of the Chair we still have the old snuff boxes with real snuff in them if you like snuff. +All the ex-vice-Presidents. You can get ten-to-one around here if you think you can remember their names. The Vice-President presides over the Senate--you know that. It's how he earns his pay. Oh--over there, Senator-- on the east side of the Chair we still have the old snuff boxes with real snuff in them if you like snuff. Thanks very much, sonny-- +Thanks very much, sonny-- I'll take your hat into the cloak room. +I'll take your hat into the cloak room. Here--let me give you a Boy Ranger button. +Here--let me give you a Boy Ranger button. Swell. Thanks very much. Good luck, Senator. Keep your left up. +"--what possible explanation can you offer for this charge being--as you say--""trumped up"" against you!" It was done to stop me from talking about a section of the Appropriations Bill! +It was done to stop me from talking about a section of the Appropriations Bill! It was? +It was? Yes! This was how I could be put out of the Senate and out of the way! They even *promised* me that if I-- +And you say you never signed this contract with Mr. Allen? I did not-- +I did not-- You've never *seen* this contract. +You've never *seen* this contract. Never. +Never. But you did *talk* to Mr. Allen about that and--? +But you did *talk* to Mr. Allen about that and--? I--I discussed it with him--yes-- because I--you see, I've always had this camp in mind--but I made no contract with him! +I--I discussed it with him--yes-- because I--you see, I've always had this camp in mind--but I made no contract with him! Then--this is *not* you signature, Senator? +Then--this is *not* you signature, Senator? Looks like it, but-- +Looks like it, but-- But it *isn't*? +But it *isn't*? It couldn't be. +It couldn't be. You are saying, in effect, that this is a forgery? +You are saying, in effect, that this is a forgery? I'm saying I didn't sign it! +Yes, sir--big as life. Been there some time now. Yes, sir. All right, boys--let's go. +What's he bringing pigeons for? What for? Why, suppose there's a storm--all lines are down--how you gonna get a message to Ma? +Positively not in the station! Gone! I'll brain that guy! Well--call Paine-- call Saunders-- +And while you're at it, get me a bed! Let's send out a pigeon! +Let's send out a pigeon! Blow a bugle! +Sure. Sure. I'll hang a light in the steeple. One if by land--two if by sea!... Okay! Diz--you won't believe it. Daniel Boone's *lost*! No! +How do you *like* this! You don't suppose that ranger met up with some kids--and took 'em for a hike! That--or he's out blazing trails. He'll show up. +That--or he's out blazing trails. He'll show up. Sure--sure. He must have a compass with him. +Getting on to dinner, isn't it, pal? I give that Trail Blazer five more minutes to show up-- --*five more minutes*! +Well--who d'you take this time--Paine, Bill, Carl--or McGann? Hey--you're into me for a buck already. I say--McGann. Shoot the whole dollar. +Hey--you're into me for a buck already. I say--McGann. Shoot the whole dollar. Okay. For the dollar, I give you McGann *and* Bill and Carl. I got Paine. Hello... Oh, yes. +No, not yet, Senator Paine--not hide nor hair of the man. You mean to say the boys haven't--? Eight to five Little Boy Blue is plastered. +Eight to five Little Boy Blue is plastered. Well, why don't they try the police-- get some blood hounds--or Indian guides-- +Tell me why! Well, because you're doing all right at the minute. +Well, because you're doing all right at the minute. When Foley died, why didn't I clear out? How many times, did you hear me say I was fed up on politics and--? But *no*--I let 'em talk me into staying. Secretary to a leader of little squirts. Why? Because I need the job and a new suit of clothes. +When Foley died, why didn't I clear out? How many times, did you hear me say I was fed up on politics and--? But *no*--I let 'em talk me into staying. Secretary to a leader of little squirts. Why? Because I need the job and a new suit of clothes. Would you settle for a husband? +Would you settle for a husband? What's this, Diz? +What's this, Diz? That old standing offer from Diz Moore--Poet of Washington Correspondents. +That old standing offer from Diz Moore--Poet of Washington Correspondents. Huh? +Huh? You know--Mrs. Diz Moore. +Oh--that again. Yeah. I would cherish you--and stay sober. +I would cherish you--and stay sober. Diz, you're a swell playmate--but--. Maybe if I saw you once with your hair combed, or something--or--no, no--I don't think even that would do it-- +Diz, you're a swell playmate--but--. Maybe if I saw you once with your hair combed, or something--or--no, no--I don't think even that would do it-- Well, if you're sure it wouldn't--no use combing my hair for nothing. +Well, if you're sure it wouldn't--no use combing my hair for nothing. No--don't do it. I'm sure. The truth is, Diz--there's no man I've seen yet or--must be something wrong with me. I've been feeling low for weeks. +No--don't do it. I'm sure. The truth is, Diz--there's no man I've seen yet or--must be something wrong with me. I've been feeling low for weeks. You got worms. +You got worms. What! Who? +What! Who? You know--little worms--ambition. +You know--little worms--ambition. Yeah. Should have seen me seven years ago--when I came to this town. *Now* what am I?--chambermaid to the Pied Piper of Jackson City; *Honorary* appointment! Scratch this thing an you'll find they wanted a dope here for two months. +I'm still asking myself--what is he-- animal, vegetable, or mineral? A Senator! A United States Senator! I thought I'd seen everything but-- why, he doesn't know what time it is, Diz! When I think of myself sitting around--playing straight for all that phoney, patriotic chatter-- *me*, carrying bibs for an infant with little flags in his fists--no, I can't take it, Diz--I'm through--I quit! Sure--sure--wait a minute now--simmer down-- +Will you go chase an ambulance! Whadaya mean--*right*? +Kid--wait--what do you think you're going to do? Get my *whole* fall outfit--and quit this job in style! +Get my *whole* fall outfit--and quit this job in style! Now, you've got more sense than to put Nosey onto this guy--! +Now, you've got more sense than to put Nosey onto this guy--! Wait--wait. Let's see--watchdog McGann-- he's bound to move right in--get him out of the way first-- Pardon me, friend--I've got some telephoning to do--! +Sit tight, Diz. The show commences in just a minute. What show? Would you mind telling me what's coming off here? +What show? Would you mind telling me what's coming off here? Certainly. Now there's the principal actor in our little play. +Ah. One of the supporting characters. Who? +That gorilla in Man's clothing-- McGann. Oh, you mean--Puss in Boots. +Oh, you mean--Puss in Boots. "Yes. Mostly ""Puss."" Oh, the *other* prominent character in the play." +The Silver Knight. Soul of Honor--on a tight-rope. What do I play? +What do I play? You play--left field. +You play--left field. Frankly, kid--are you goofy? +Frankly, kid--are you goofy? Diz--Don Quixote with bill is going to get to his feet in a minute and speak two important words--*Willet Creek*. When that happens--if my hunch is right--the Silver Knight will fall off his tightrope and Puss will jump out of his boots. +Did you like the first act? Yeah. What about the second act? +Yeah. What about the second act? That's taking place outside now. +Well--I stuck my foot in it again at the President's press conference today-- How come so early? Get the day off? They decoyed the little General off to a tea party to keep him out of the Senate. +They decoyed the little General off to a tea party to keep him out of the Senate. "Well, well-- Yeah--I got smart and thought I'd slip one over on the old man in the press meeting. I said, ""Mr. President, about the monopoly investigation--"" And he jumps right in and says, ""Diz, if you were sitting in my chair, would you answer the question you're about to ask?"" He had me." +"Well, well-- Yeah--I got smart and thought I'd slip one over on the old man in the press meeting. I said, ""Mr. President, about the monopoly investigation--"" And he jumps right in and says, ""Diz, if you were sitting in my chair, would you answer the question you're about to ask?"" He had me." I don't mind *who* gets licked in a *fair* fight, Diz. It's these clouts below the belt I can't take. Sicking that horrible dame on him--when he's goofy about her-- +I don't mind *who* gets licked in a *fair* fight, Diz. It's these clouts below the belt I can't take. Sicking that horrible dame on him--when he's goofy about her-- What dame? +What dame? Paine. +Paine. Oh--yeah-- +Oh--yeah-- "He isn't going to hurt enough as it is. *She* has to twist a knife in him, too--the regal jackass! ""I'll turn my glamour on him,"" she says--" +"He isn't going to hurt enough as it is. *She* has to twist a knife in him, too--the regal jackass! ""I'll turn my glamour on him,"" she says--" Forget it, kid. What's it *to* you? +Forget it, kid. What's it *to* you? Nothing. I'm just saying--I might be able to lie, cheat, steal--and I'd still tear into a guy I saw kicking a dog. Not that *he* is, by a long shot-- +Nothing. I'm just saying--I might be able to lie, cheat, steal--and I'd still tear into a guy I saw kicking a dog. Not that *he* is, by a long shot-- Okay. So what? Stop worrying. I've told you--the dopes are gonna inherit the earth anyway-- +Okay. So what? Stop worrying. I've told you--the dopes are gonna inherit the earth anyway-- I've wondered, Diz--maybe this Don Quixote's got the jump on all of us. I've wondered--maybe it's a curse to go through life wised up like you and me-- +I've wondered, Diz--maybe this Don Quixote's got the jump on all of us. I've wondered--maybe it's a curse to go through life wised up like you and me-- Now, look, kid--if we're gonna wonder, let's go down and do it over a hunk of steak. Come on, snap out of it. Diz Moore-- that rarest of companions--is here at your side. To genteel crime, kid. +Now, look, kid--if we're gonna wonder, let's go down and do it over a hunk of steak. Come on, snap out of it. Diz Moore-- that rarest of companions--is here at your side. To genteel crime, kid. And to Don Quixote! +Why do I always laugh at that? """There's more light here,"" he says--" +"""There's more light here,"" he says--" Drunks are funny-- +Drunks are funny-- Yeah. Funny-- +Yeah. Funny-- Yeah. +Yeah. Yeah. Some of my best friends are funny. +Yeah. Some of my best friends are funny. Every time I think of it, I get a laugh, Diz. +Every time I think of it, I get a laugh, Diz. My friends? +My friends? Old Don Quixote--man of the people Smith-- +Old Don Quixote--man of the people Smith-- Waiter! +Waiter! --followin' Miss Susan Fass-Pass around--his little heart poundin' away--the sound of angels' wings in his ears. +Now, you've gone and let Don Quixote in here again. I told you to keep him out! Shut up, Diz. +Shut up, Diz. Mind, now! Keep Don Quixote out of here! +And I got him all dressed up, too-- to go way up in a balloon--so they can drop him a long way--make sure they break his heart. Why, not all the Boy Rangers in the world, working night shifts, 'll be able to put Humpty-Dumpty together again-- Now--how'd Humpty-Dumpty get in here? +Now--how'd Humpty-Dumpty get in here? Do you know how I felt, Diz? +Do you know how I felt, Diz? No. How'd you feel? Quick. +No. How'd you feel? Quick. Like a mother sending her kid off to school for the first time--watchin' the little fella toddling off--in his best bib and tucker--and you sink in the middle--hoping he can stand up to the other kids--won't get his feeling hurt--and--if you could only spare him the knocks he's gotta take-- Say--who started this? +Like a mother sending her kid off to school for the first time--watchin' the little fella toddling off--in his best bib and tucker--and you sink in the middle--hoping he can stand up to the other kids--won't get his feeling hurt--and--if you could only spare him the knocks he's gotta take-- Say--who started this? *I'm* just waiting for a street car-- +*I'm* just waiting for a street car-- Well--cut it out. See? Who *cares* anyway? +Well--cut it out. See? Who *cares* anyway? I apologize. +I apologize. *All right*, then. After all, what's it to me? So they *drop* him out of a balloon. All I care is--I don't want to be around. See? Squeamish. See? That's what I am. No, sir. I don't have to take it. Won't be a party to no murder. I'm gonna quit. I'm through. +*All right*, then. After all, what's it to me? So they *drop* him out of a balloon. All I care is--I don't want to be around. See? Squeamish. See? That's what I am. No, sir. I don't have to take it. Won't be a party to no murder. I'm gonna quit. I'm through. Again? Good idea. +Again? Good idea. Diz-- +Diz-- Yeah. +Yeah. How about getting married? +How about getting married? Good idea. When? +Good idea. When? Any time. +Any time. Tonight? +Tonight? Okay. You don't mind? +Okay. You don't mind? I'll cherish ya. +I'll cherish ya. You--you've been a good egg, Diz. Maybe we could clear out of this town--get to feel like *people*--get the habit of lifting up our eyes-- live like we just got out of a tunnel. +You--you've been a good egg, Diz. Maybe we could clear out of this town--get to feel like *people*--get the habit of lifting up our eyes-- live like we just got out of a tunnel. Tunnel? +Tunnel? You've never seen prairie grass with the wind leaning on it, have you, Diz? +You've never seen prairie grass with the wind leaning on it, have you, Diz? Is the wind tired out there? +Is the wind tired out there? Or angry little mountain streams-- and cattle moving against the sun. You haven't seen any of that, have you, Diz? +Or angry little mountain streams-- and cattle moving against the sun. You haven't seen any of that, have you, Diz? Have *you*? +Have *you*? No. +No. Do we *have* to? +Do we *have* to? No! I can't think of anything more sappy!) +No! I can't think of anything more sappy!) Well, let's get going. +Well, let's get going. Where? +Where? We're gonna get married. +We're gonna get married. Yeah--that's right. Diz-- +Yeah--that's right. Diz-- What? +What? I case you don't know--I want to give ya a chance to back out if you don't like it-- +I case you don't know--I want to give ya a chance to back out if you don't like it-- What? +What? My first name's--Clarissa. +My first name's--Clarissa. Yeah, I know. That's okay. +Yeah, I know. That's okay. "Don't say ""okay,"" Diz. Say you think it's beautiful." +"Don't say ""okay,"" Diz. Say you think it's beautiful." Okay--I mean-- +Okay--I mean-- You don't know a name off-hand you like better, do you, Diz? +You don't know a name off-hand you like better, do you, Diz? No--not offhand-- +No--not offhand-- Nothing like--uh--Susan--or anything like that, huh? +Nothing like--uh--Susan--or anything like that, huh? Susan? Nah! +Susan? Nah! I won't take it! See? I won't be party to murder. See? Steering a poor dope up blind alleys for that grafting Taylor mob is low enough. But helping that dame cut him up in little pieces besides--nobody's gonna make me do that. No, sir. +I won't take it! See? I won't be party to murder. See? Steering a poor dope up blind alleys for that grafting Taylor mob is low enough. But helping that dame cut him up in little pieces besides--nobody's gonna make me do that. No, sir. You said it! +You said it! I'm getting out of there. Right now, Diz. Right now. Bonus or no bonus. I'm gonna clear outa that office-- everything I own--my extra hat-- everything-- +Hey! We're gettin' married--! Right now--everything I own--! +Well--let's dig up the preacher, kid. Huh? +Huh? You know, we're getting married. +You know, we're getting married. Take me home, Diz. +He's cooked! They'll drum the poor lug out of that chamber tomorrow as sure as I'm--! And now they're all down on him. Yeah--my press pals, too--he's a bad egg--still water running deep. Boloney! It's the frame of all time! When I see a phoney like this--my journalist blood boils-- I wanna *fight*! Look, kid--rack your brains, will you? Haven't you got any confidential stuff on that mob? I'll write my arm off--I'll blow Taylor and his-- I've told you ten times--if I had anything they couldn't bat down in a second, don't you suppose I'd've been up in that hearing yelling murder! Sure--he was cooked the night I sounded off like a fool and spilled the whole works! +I've told you ten times--if I had anything they couldn't bat down in a second, don't you suppose I'd've been up in that hearing yelling murder! Sure--he was cooked the night I sounded off like a fool and spilled the whole works! "Then--in the name of kindness to dumb animals--we can't let him walk into that Senate tomorrow and take a terrible punch in a nose! A couple of us went up there--told him all he could do was beat it--resign--clear out. But--he's in a daze--he's been hit by a ton of bricks. Just says, ""I haven't done anything. Why should I resign?"" He might *listen* to *you*--" +"Then--in the name of kindness to dumb animals--we can't let him walk into that Senate tomorrow and take a terrible punch in a nose! A couple of us went up there--told him all he could do was beat it--resign--clear out. But--he's in a daze--he's been hit by a ton of bricks. Just says, ""I haven't done anything. Why should I resign?"" He might *listen* to *you*--" Why me? +Why me? Come on--don't pull that. You know you'd give your right--. What are you staying away from him for? +Come on--don't pull that. You know you'd give your right--. What are you staying away from him for? You don't think he'd want *me* within fifty miles, do you?--after the exhibition he saw me give! Did you see his *face*--? +You don't think he'd want *me* within fifty miles, do you?--after the exhibition he saw me give! Did you see his *face*--? "All I know is--he said to me tonight-- ""What does your wife think?"" My wife. Thinks we're married--" +"All I know is--he said to me tonight-- ""What does your wife think?"" My wife. Thinks we're married--" Well, then, that's great! And that's a great place to leave it! It's no use *my* barging into this now and-- +The war's on! He's a house-afire! +He's a house-afire! Diz--get what he says to the people back in that State. It's up to you and the boys. Keep those wires hot. Fire away, pal! +Diz! Kid--he thinks he's talking to that mob at home, but not a line we've written--not a word he's said from that floor has gotten into that home State. +Kid--he thinks he's talking to that mob at home, but not a line we've written--not a word he's said from that floor has gotten into that home State. What! +What! Not a word! Taylor's sewed up every paper. They're tossing out everything that comes in over the wires! +Not a word! Taylor's sewed up every paper. They're tossing out everything that comes in over the wires! Freedom of the press! Mr. James Taylor blindfolding a whole State-- Wait a minute! If that's how he wants to play *I'll* get through to that bunch--I'll get plenty of words into that, State--! Come on, Diz, get that stuff you've written--let me have it-- +I knew it! I knew a night's rest wasn't possible in this house! Hubert! Wha--? Yes, sweetheart-- Wha--? +Wha--? Yes, sweetheart-- Wha--? That infernal phone! +That infernal phone! Yes, yes--phone, phone-- A--an outrage, pet--an outrage--I'll look into this-- Hello--Joe!--What!--No! Not really! Terrible! +Yes, yes--phone, phone-- A--an outrage, pet--an outrage--I'll look into this-- Hello--Joe!--What!--No! Not really! Terrible! What is it? +Yes, Joe, yes--right away. What is it? +What is it? Sam Foley--dead! +Sam Foley--dead! Great saints! +Great saints! Of all the times! Of all the times! Two months to the end of his term-- and Foley has to go and die on us-- +Of all the times! Of all the times! Two months to the end of his term-- and Foley has to go and die on us-- Whom are you calling--in the dead of night? +Whom are you calling--in the dead of night? Taylor, my dear. +Taylor, my dear. Can't that wait, Hubert? +Can't that wait, Hubert? No, no--believe me, pet--this is *most* urgent-- Hello, hello. Is Taylor there?-- Governor Hopper. Quickly, please-- +No, no--believe me, pet--this is *most* urgent-- Hello, hello. Is Taylor there?-- Governor Hopper. Quickly, please-- This isn't a home, it's the crossroads of the world! +This isn't a home, it's the crossroads of the world! Now, now, Emma, dear--you mustn't forget we have been chosen by the people of this commonwealth to-- +Now, now, Emma, dear--you mustn't forget we have been chosen by the people of this commonwealth to-- Save that for the laying of cornerstones, Hubert! Oh, that morning you looked in the mirror and saw a statesman! +Save that for the laying of cornerstones, Hubert! Oh, that morning you looked in the mirror and saw a statesman! Now, pet-- Jim! +Dinner, Hubert. I'll bear that in mind... What? Oh. Dinner. Pet--my stomach couldn't hold a bird seed. +I'll bear that in mind... What? Oh. Dinner. Pet--my stomach couldn't hold a bird seed. We're waiting, Hubert. +Really, my dear--I don't feel like a thing. Nonsense. +Nonsense. Why don't you listen to your children for a change? You might actually learn something? For instance, how to run the affairs of government? No doubt my children could make this appointment *for* me-- with the greatest ease! +I do *not* want a Senator. And I do *not* want any more of this nonsense! Emma! Why, I think it's very sweet of the children-- +Otis! That settles it! I will not be attacked and belittled by my own children in my own home! My nerves are strained to the breaking point! +Emma! I'm a man at the end of his rope. No wonder--without your dinner. +No wonder--without your dinner. Emma, which is it--Horace Miller or Henry Hill? +Emma, which is it--Horace Miller or Henry Hill? Well, your children are very bright-- and *they* say Jefferson Smith. +Are you ready for him, Bill? All set. Foley's rooms in the Senate office building--nice, big clean desk--lot of Senator stationery to write his little boys on--and Foley's secretary, Saunders, to make it look like the real thing-- +All set. Foley's rooms in the Senate office building--nice, big clean desk--lot of Senator stationery to write his little boys on--and Foley's secretary, Saunders, to make it look like the real thing-- Good. Are the newspaper men at the hotel? +Good. Are the newspaper men at the hotel? Yup--Sweeney, Flood, Farrell--waiting for you-- +Yup--Sweeney, Flood, Farrell--waiting for you-- Fine. The first thing to do is-- present Mr. Smith to the press--in the *right* way. Hurry him along, Bill. +Fine. The first thing to do is-- present Mr. Smith to the press--in the *right* way. Hurry him along, Bill. How do you feel, champ? +How do you feel, champ? All right, why? +All right, why? Your name's spreading like wild-fire out here--you are the winterbook favorite to get on the National ticket. +Your name's spreading like wild-fire out here--you are the winterbook favorite to get on the National ticket. Oh! Go away. +Yes, yes--tell them I'll see them immediately--immediately! I can't hold them off! They want something to say about this appointment. Ten to one they've got a man. Relax, Happy. Jim said to wait. +Relax, Happy. Jim said to wait. I *can't* wait, McGann! You go into that room and tell Jim Taylor and Joe Paine that I give them *one more minute*-- +I *can't* wait, McGann! You go into that room and tell Jim Taylor and Joe Paine that I give them *one more minute*-- *You* tell Jim Taylor. +*You* tell Jim Taylor. Washington! Always discussing the problems of Washington. Nobody ever thinks of the State--and my problems! I *will* tell Jim Taylor. It's high *time* I told him a thing or two! +Terrific! A born stooge! Horace'll perform like a trained seal. Jim--if I fling a party man like Horace in the face of those angry committees-- +He's batty! Listen--the simpleton of all time--a big-eyed patriot--knows Washington and Lincoln by heart--stood at attention in the Governor's presence-- collects stray boys and cats-- +Oh--oh. He's the hero of fifty thousand boys and a hundred thousand parents. Look at these congratulations pouring in! I tell you, gentlemen, by this one statesman-like act, I have-- +Look here, Jim--if you and Joe are going to gab about this appointment *any* longer, I'm going ahead and see those committees! You'll see those committees when we're finished! +You'll see those committees when we're finished! Yes, Jim. +One minute! Just one minute! Happy, we've got the man. Horace Miller! +Happy, we've got the man. Horace Miller! Horace Mill--! +Happy, for reasons there isn't time to go into--it's got to be Miller! We've given you the man. Now write the ticket. Come on, Joe. Come on, Chick. Now, wait fellows--great Heavens. I've got to see those angry committees first--feel them out a little--work for harmony--harmony. +They put up *their* candidate? Who? Henry Hill. +Henry Hill. *Henry Hill?* That crackpot? That long-haired--! Why, you should have killed that so fast--! +*Henry Hill?* That crackpot? That long-haired--! Why, you should have killed that so fast--! I--I couldn't, Jim. Those men were-- +I--I couldn't, Jim. Those men were-- We can't help *what* they were! Forget 'em! +We can't help *what* they were! Forget 'em! Jim, that bunch is out for blood. If I throw Horace in their teeth now-- +Jim, that bunch is out for blood. If I throw Horace in their teeth now-- I said forget 'em! Horace Miller goes to the Senate--and that settles it! +I said forget 'em! Horace Miller goes to the Senate--and that settles it! I *won't* send Horace Miller! +I *won't* send Horace Miller! *You won't?* +*You won't?* I *won't* let you stand there callously and perhaps wreck my whole political future! +I *won't* let you stand there callously and perhaps wreck my whole political future! *Your* political future! I bought it for you and made you a present. And I can grab it back so fast it'll make your head spin. You got a nerve to stand there and worry about just *your future* when we're in this spot! The man is--*Miller*. +--a *boy ranger* a squirrel chaser-- to the United States Senate! Jim--the answer to a prayer--manna from heaven--the man *we want*--and the votes *we need*-- +What! Joe--*you* know what I'm talking about. The perfect man. Never in politics in his life. Wouldn't find out what it's all about in two *years*, lets alone two months. But the important thing--and this was the genius of the stroke--*it means votes*! +But you went ahead and made this appointment without asking me-- Jim--when the lightning hit, I--I just-- +Jim--when the lightning hit, I--I just-- *But you never asked me*! +*But you never asked me*! Oh--Jim! +Boy Ranger! The answer to a prayer. Manna from heaven! Didn't know the time of day--! Will you please tell me *exactly* what he's done? +Will you please tell me *exactly* what he's done? Yes! He's about to blow the whole machine to smithereens--and *you with it*, Mr. Governor! +Yes! He's about to blow the whole machine to smithereens--and *you with it*, Mr. Governor! Me! Jim--how--? +Me! Jim--how--? You couldn't understand! Listen, Ten Thumbs, I'll be on my way to Washington in half an hour. Whatever happens, I'm all ready for this Ranger of yours. Never mind how. You'll get your instructions from Ken Allen here. It isn't anything you have to do. I wouldn't trust you to lick a stamp. Allen'll do it himself. You just use your *high office* to help him get it done. Understand? +You couldn't understand! Listen, Ten Thumbs, I'll be on my way to Washington in half an hour. Whatever happens, I'm all ready for this Ranger of yours. Never mind how. You'll get your instructions from Ken Allen here. It isn't anything you have to do. I wouldn't trust you to lick a stamp. Allen'll do it himself. You just use your *high office* to help him get it done. Understand? Y-yes, Jim. +Y-yes, Jim. I doubt it! Come on, Ken. +Now--now--please--that's quite all right. Relax, boys-- This--this is a great honor, sir. I-- I-- +This--this is a great honor, sir. I-- I-- Not at all. I've come to pay you a personal and official--and I might say--a *tardy* tribute, Mr. Smith, for your recent heroic conduct. +Not at all. I've come to pay you a personal and official--and I might say--a *tardy* tribute, Mr. Smith, for your recent heroic conduct. Oh, now, I'm afraid that's been exaggerated some-- +Oh, now, I'm afraid that's been exaggerated some-- No. No. A signal service to the State. Yes, indeed. And not only that but-- uh--I've heard of your excellent work in leading and guiding our youth-- +No. No. A signal service to the State. Yes, indeed. And not only that but-- uh--I've heard of your excellent work in leading and guiding our youth-- Well--that's not work, sir--that's fun. +Well--that's not work, sir--that's fun. "No doubt. No doubt. And this fine little paper--""Boy Stuff""--with, I dare say, an *enormous* circulation in the State." +Well--yes--I was saying--the State should reward you-- Aw-- +Aw-- --And it is in my power to confer a very signal honor upon you. In my official capacity, therefore, I-- +--And it is in my power to confer a very signal honor upon you. In my official capacity, therefore, I-- Ma! Hold him! +Thanks, Governor--*yes*! Do you mind? His head--Ma'll take the tail. The--head? +The--head? Just get one hand against each ear there--keep his face straight up. +What were you saying, Governor? Sorry. I said, sir--in my official capacity-- as an honorary gesture--I appoint you to the United States Senate! +What's the matter, Dad? Is it getting you down? Is *what* getting me down? +Gosh, Pop--head of the Boy Rangers! Oh, a *boy*! +I did. What about it? Well, Jeff put that out himself. +Well, Jeff put that out himself. Himself! +"""Boy Stuff."" That's the name of Jeff's magazine. He prints it. Look--here's one--oh, it's great-- *everybody* reads it--all the kids in the State--a million of 'em. Look, Pop--let me read you a--" Peter, I'm in no mood to hear childish prattle! +"He's the greatest *American* we got, too, Dad. Can tell what George Washington said--by heart. An' ""Boy Stuff's"" got the swellest stuff in it." What stuff? +No, *sir*! You couldn't do better, Dad. Than what? +Than what? Jeff for Senator. +Jeff for Senator. Emma! Will you *please*--? +A dirty frame! Emma! +I *thought* I heard... Yes? Uh--Jefferson Smith's residence? +Uh--Jefferson Smith's residence? Yes. Come in. +Yes. Come in. Is--uh--Jefferson Smith at home? +Is--uh--Jefferson Smith at home? Certainly. Step right in. +Well--it started with a little mimeograph sheet--and it's just grown out of all sense and reason-- Excellent! Excellent! My boy, I'm convinced our State has a great debt of gratitude to you-- +Maybe you'd like to come along and watch, Governor? Jefferson's done a wonderful job with that leg. Why, of course. +A pet shop? Well, it sort of got to be--from Jeff just pullin' splinters and things-- +I just can't, son--not the head and tail both! Uh--could--could I help--? +Gee, I wouldn't appoint an old twerp like Horace Miller--Taylor or no Taylor! Taylor! May I ask what *Taylor* has to do with it? +Taylor! May I ask what *Taylor* has to do with it? Well, he's still running the show, ain't he, Dad? +Well, he's still running the show, ain't he, Dad? Emma! I will not have conversations of this sort carried on by the children at dinner! +That's easy. Jefferson Smith. I beg your pardon? +When Jeff gets through with Taylor, Pop-- When Jeff gets through with Taylor-- Quiet! What do you mean by breaking in here--? Get out! Get *out* of here! +Washington! Yeah, for the fifth time, Senator-- Washington. +Yeah, for the fifth time, Senator-- Washington. My pigeons--I better see about my pigeons. +My pigeons--I better see about my pigeons. The porter's got them. They're coming. +The porter's got them. They're coming. Just a minute, I better make sure. +Just a minute, I better make sure. Boy! My head's like a balloon--for two whole days. I never knew there was so much American history. +Here they are--I got them. They are all right. Well, that ends that crisis. This way, Senator. +All right, Senator--let's get these bags and the livestock together-- Look! There it is! +Look! There it is! What? Who? +You should hear our Ranger Band rattle that off--if you want to *hear* something! Good evening, Miss Saunders. Good evening Mister McGann. H'ya, Senator. I--I've sorta been looking for you-- +H'ya, Senator. I--I've sorta been looking for you-- You have? Will you come in a minute, Miss Saunders. +Uh--Senator--I thought you and me might go out to dinner together--and grab off a few monuments. Oh, I couldn't tonight. Thanks a lot. +He's a newspaper publisher I know-- and-- What makes you think he's got *anything* to do with it? +What makes you think he's got *anything* to do with it? Saunders said--this whole thing was *his* idea to get graft--! +Where were you? To--to a reception--uh--for a princess-- I forget her name-- +Mr. President! Mr. President! +Mr. President! I addressed the Chair first, sir! +I addressed the Chair first, sir! I am about to ask for a roll call on the passage of the Resolution--without further delay. The Senator can have nothing to say at this time that would not be either in bad grace or-- +Will the Senator yield? For a question! +For a question! Has the gentleman the effrontery-- standing there convicted and in disgrace--to try to force the postponement of that bill--? +Has the gentleman the effrontery-- standing there convicted and in disgrace--to try to force the postponement of that bill--? For one week! +For one week! Is he fully aware that this bill has been months in both Houses--delayed and delayed--millions will be without food and shelter until its passage-- public works to relieve unemployment will be at a standstill--government agencies will be forced to suspend-- ? +Will the Senator yield for a question? I yield. +I yield. In view of the gentleman's touching concern for the Senators, would he permit a motion to recess until the morning--at which time he could continue to educate this august body with his profound babblings? +Well, it isn't much, but if you insist, here's this week's. """Boy Stuff."" Why, printer's ink runs in your veins, Jeff. You're just like your father." +"""Boy Stuff."" Why, printer's ink runs in your veins, Jeff. You're just like your father." Thank you, sir. +Thank you, sir. Even to the hat. Same old dreamer, too. One look at you and I can see him, back of his old roll top desk, hat and all, getting out his paper. Always kept his hat on his head so as to be ready to do battle. Clayton Smith, editor and publisher, and champion of lost causes. +Even to the hat. Same old dreamer, too. One look at you and I can see him, back of his old roll top desk, hat and all, getting out his paper. Always kept his hat on his head so as to be ready to do battle. Clayton Smith, editor and publisher, and champion of lost causes. Yeah, Dad always used to say the only causes worth fighting for were lost causes. +Yeah, Dad always used to say the only causes worth fighting for were lost causes. You don't have to tell me Jeff. We were a team, the two of us, a struggling editor and a struggling lawyer. The twin champions of lost causes, they used to call us. +You don't have to tell me Jeff. We were a team, the two of us, a struggling editor and a struggling lawyer. The twin champions of lost causes, they used to call us. Ma's told me about it a thousand times. +Ma's told me about it a thousand times. His last fight was his best, Jeff. He and his little four-page paper against that mining syndicate and all to defend the right of one small miner who stuck to his claim. You know, they tried everything, bribery, intimidation, then--well-- +His last fight was his best, Jeff. He and his little four-page paper against that mining syndicate and all to defend the right of one small miner who stuck to his claim. You know, they tried everything, bribery, intimidation, then--well-- Yes, Ma found him slumped over his desk that morning... +Yes, Ma found him slumped over his desk that morning... Shot in the back. I was there. I can see him at that old roll top desk, still with his hat on... still with his hat on... +Shot in the back. I was there. I can see him at that old roll top desk, still with his hat on... still with his hat on... I know. I suppose, Mr. Paine, when a fellow bucks up against a big organization like that, one man by himself can't get very far, can he? +I know. I suppose, Mr. Paine, when a fellow bucks up against a big organization like that, one man by himself can't get very far, can he? No. +I mean, sir--if I'm going to stay in the Senate--I ought to know what I'm doing--at least, I ought to try to study the Bills that are coming up-- The *Bills*? Jeff--let me advise you-- as your father would--politics is a business--sometimes a cruel business. In your time here, you couldn't even start on those Bills. They're put together by legal minds--after a long study. Why, after twenty years, I can't understand half of them myself. No, really, Jeff--in your own interests-- +The *Bills*? Jeff--let me advise you-- as your father would--politics is a business--sometimes a cruel business. In your time here, you couldn't even start on those Bills. They're put together by legal minds--after a long study. Why, after twenty years, I can't understand half of them myself. No, really, Jeff--in your own interests-- Well, then--I--I don't feel I can stay, sir. +Well, then--I--I don't feel I can stay, sir. Jeff, look--didn't you say something to the papers about wanting to create a National Boys' camp? Were you in earnest about that? +Jeff, look--didn't you say something to the papers about wanting to create a National Boys' camp? Were you in earnest about that? Yes, I was-- +Yes, I was-- Well, why not do it? There's a job for you. Get a Bill started to accomplish it--present it to Congress-- it would be a great experience-- +Well, why not do it? There's a job for you. Get a Bill started to accomplish it--present it to Congress-- it would be a great experience-- Senator Paine, if I could do just that one thing while I'm here, I-- I'd feel that I-- +Senator Paine, if I could do just that one thing while I'm here, I-- I'd feel that I-- What's to stop you? Saunders will help you with it-- +What's to stop you? Saunders will help you with it-- I will, sir! I will! I--I don't know how to thank you. I knew, if any man could help me-- +I will, sir! I will! I--I don't know how to thank you. I knew, if any man could help me-- Nonsense, Jeff. +Nonsense, Jeff. Thank you, sir. Thank you for your time. +Thank you, sir. Thank you for your time. Here--where are you running off to? +Here--where are you running off to? Well, I'm sort of anxious to get back to the office-- +I'm sorry! Gee! I hope-- That's all right, my boy--don't bother-- +That's all right, my boy--don't bother-- Gosh! Well--looks good as new. If there *is* any damage, I'll-- +Gosh! Well--looks good as new. If there *is* any damage, I'll-- Good as new! It's quite all right-- +Well--goodnight. Goodnight, Jeff. +Goodnight, Jeff. Goodnight, Miss Paine. +--I may not know much about a lot of things, sir--but I know that Willet Creek country like a book--and--and I tell you, Senator Paine--there's something *wrong* about this dam-- why, there isn't a foot of water in that creek--it's dry four months out of the-- Jeff--listen--this was all taken up in the State Legislature and approved-- they're going to divert waters from up above-- +Jeff--listen--this was all taken up in the State Legislature and approved-- they're going to divert waters from up above-- But--there are a hundred other places in the state that *need* the water. Besides--I talked to Kenneth Allen, who owns some of that land--and he didn't say anything about a dam. No-- I'm sure, sir--there's something wrong--and I--I won't vote on this thing until I get a lot of questions answered-- +But--there are a hundred other places in the state that *need* the water. Besides--I talked to Kenneth Allen, who owns some of that land--and he didn't say anything about a dam. No-- I'm sure, sir--there's something wrong--and I--I won't vote on this thing until I get a lot of questions answered-- Jeff! You're trying to understand in a moment everything about a project that took two years to set up--the reasons--the benefits-- +Jeff! You're trying to understand in a moment everything about a project that took two years to set up--the reasons--the benefits-- Yes--the *benefits*! What's a man called Taylor got to do with this? +Y-yes. Mr. President--gentlemen--I--I have risen to a painful duty--to say that, out of evidence that has come to my attention, I consider Senator Smith unworthy to address this body! +Yield *how*, sir? Will he yield for a question? +Will he yield for a question? Ah, now, that's better. +Ah, now, that's better. Will he *yield*? +Will he *yield*? For a *question*. +For a *question*. Does my colleague's piece concern Section Forty of the bill--a dam on Willet Creek? +Does my colleague's piece concern Section Forty of the bill--a dam on Willet Creek? It does! +It does! Every *aspect* of this matter--the gentleman's attack on that section-- everything--was dealt with in the committee hearing-- +Every *aspect* of this matter--the gentleman's attack on that section-- everything--was dealt with in the committee hearing-- Mr. President-- +Mr. President-- I wish to ask the gentleman--has he one shred of evidence to add now to the defense he did not give--and *could* not give at that same hearing? +I wish to ask the gentleman--has he one shred of evidence to add now to the defense he did not give--and *could* not give at that same hearing? I have no defense against forged papers and-- +I have no defense against forged papers and-- The committee ruled otherwise! The gentleman stands guilty as charged. And I believe I speak for all the members when I say that no one cares to hear what a man of his condemned character has to say about *any* section of *any* legislation before this house! +Will the Senator-- I will not yield, sir! This same man-- Mister Taylor--came here to offer me a place in this Senate for twenty years, if I would vote for a dam that he knew and *I* knew was a *fraud*! But if I opened my mouth against it, he promised to break me in two! And I stood here one day and tried--I *started* to open my mouth-- and it all came to pass. The long, powerful arm of Mister James Taylor reached right into this sacred chamber and took me by the scruff of the neck-- +Mr. President! A point of order! Mr. President-- +Mr. President-- He has imputed to me conduct unworthy a Senator--and I demand he be made to yield the floor--! +He has imputed to me conduct unworthy a Senator--and I demand he be made to yield the floor--! Mr. President--I did not say that Senator Paine was one of those Congressmen I saw. If the chair please, I will deny that Senator Paine *saw* Taylor or even knows him-- +Mr. President--I did not say that Senator Paine was one of those Congressmen I saw. If the chair please, I will deny that Senator Paine *saw* Taylor or even knows him-- I *did* see Taylor! And I was in that room! +Yes, sir, I yield for a question. The gentleman has said repeatedly that he is speaking to the people of his State. He has been waiting, as he so fancifully puts it, for them to come marching here in droves. Would the gentleman be interested in knowing what those people have to say? +Yes, sir, you bet I would. Mr. President, have I permission to bring into this Chamber evidence of the response from my State? +Please, sir!--come with me! No, Jeff--please--! +No, Jeff--please--! I say it's *your* parade, sir! You've *got* to come! +Good evening, sir. I was just making some-- Governor Hopper! Well--I'll go to Halifax! +Oh, now-- Jefferson-- +Jefferson-- Yes, Ma? +Yes, Ma? Excuse me for interrupting, Governor, but-- --that plaster's gonna harden any second, son. +Excuse me for interrupting, Governor, but-- --that plaster's gonna harden any second, son. Gosh! You see sir--I was fixing some plaster for a cast on Amos' leg-- he's always chewing 'em off. I'll only be a minute--if you'll excuse me, sir-- +Jerry! Blackie! Queenie! Let's have it quiet, fellows! Now, now, now! It's all right, Governor. +Now, now, now--that isn't going to get you any place. Get a firm grip, Ma! Satan's in this little fella tonight! +Satan's in this little fella tonight! Sorry about this, Governor. But it won't take a minute. You were saying something in the other room, sir-- +Now, Amos, now-- What? What? +Hello, Jefferson. Hello, Ma. Clarissa, Ma. She'll be stayin' a while-- +Hello, Ma. Clarissa, Ma. She'll be stayin' a while-- Fine-- +Fine-- And Senator Paine too, Ma--we'd like to have him-- +And Senator Paine too, Ma--we'd like to have him-- Certainly would, Joseph. +Certainly would, Joseph. How's Amos, Ma? +How's Amos, Ma? Just fine. +Just fine. We'd better see. +Well. I hear you've been right on your toes since you got here. Pitching right in. Lots of people took you for dumb--but they're wrong. You're smart. In fact, *I* think you're smart enough to understand a situation when it's explained to you-- Like what, Mr. Taylor? +Like what, Mr. Taylor? Well now--just to take an example-- putting up a dam--on Willet Creek. As I look at it--that dam's going to do the people of our state a lot of good-- +Well now--just to take an example-- putting up a dam--on Willet Creek. As I look at it--that dam's going to do the people of our state a lot of good-- Yes, so I was told, Mr. Taylor, but-- +Yes, so I was told, Mr. Taylor, but-- But you have some objections here and there. And maybe right, for all I know. But the point is--there's no sense stopping the whole works now-- specially after some men have worked hard for a long time to put this through-- +But you have some objections here and there. And maybe right, for all I know. But the point is--there's no sense stopping the whole works now-- specially after some men have worked hard for a long time to put this through-- What is your interest in this, Mr. Taylor? +What is your interest in this, Mr. Taylor? Mine? Why--naturally--whatever benefits the state is mighty important to me--owning a lot of its industry-- newspapers and other odds and ends. And if I thought you had the welfare of the state at heart, like myself-- for instance, if you were to turn around and help a project like this along instead of standing in the way-- why, I'd say you were a man to watch. For a fellow your age, you'd be in a spot to make a great start in life. If you liked business--you could pick any job in the state and go right to the top. Or politics. If you like being a Senator. No reason why you couldn't come back to that Senate for the rest of your life. +Can't you? You mean--you tell these men--and Senator Paine what to do? +You mean--you tell these men--and Senator Paine what to do? Yes! I've told Senator Paine for twenty years-- +Yes! I've told Senator Paine for twenty years-- You're a liar! +What is it? Office of--Senator Smith? +Office of--Senator Smith? *No*! +*No*! The man downstairs said number-- +The man downstairs said number-- No! +What's your name? J-Jefferson Smith. +Is--is something the matter? Oh, no--no! My dear *Senator*--it may be customary out on the prairie to take French leave of people and not be heard of again for five hours-- +Oh, no--no! My dear *Senator*--it may be customary out on the prairie to take French leave of people and not be heard of again for five hours-- Gee--I'm sorry about that, Miss--you *are* Miss Saunders, aren't you? +Gee--I'm sorry about that, Miss--you *are* Miss Saunders, aren't you? Yes, I'm Saunders--and this is Mr. Moore--a member of the press. Meet the *Senator*, Mr. Moore. +Yes, I'm Saunders--and this is Mr. Moore--a member of the press. Meet the *Senator*, Mr. Moore. Pleased to meet you, sir. +Gee, I'm sorry. You see, it wasn't until I was fairly well along in the bus that I realized-- Did you say--bus? +Did you say--bus? One of those sightseers--you know. You see, I--gosh, I've never been called absent-minded or... but there it was all of a sudden--looking right at me through one of the station doors-- +One of those sightseers--you know. You see, I--gosh, I've never been called absent-minded or... but there it was all of a sudden--looking right at me through one of the station doors-- There *what* was? +There *what* was? The Dome--the Capitol Dome-- +--big as life--sparkling away there under the sun. I--I started walking toward it--and there was a bus outside-- and--well--I--I just naturally got aboard-- Most natural thing in the world! +Most natural thing in the world! I don't believe I've been so thrilled in my--oh, and that Lincoln Memorial! Gee! There he is--Mr. Lincoln--looking right at you as you come up the steps-- sitting there like he was waiting for someone to come along-- +I don't believe I've been so thrilled in my--oh, and that Lincoln Memorial! Gee! There he is--Mr. Lincoln--looking right at you as you come up the steps-- sitting there like he was waiting for someone to come along-- Well--he's got nothing on me. +Now, if you're ready, Senator, we can start for the hotel. I'll *see* that you get there. Yes--I think maybe you'd better. +Whose statue is that? I wouldn't know in the *day time*. +The Capitol Dome! Lighted up! You--uh--you better relax, Senator. You'll be plumb wore out. +You--uh--you better relax, Senator. You'll be plumb wore out. Tell me, Miss Saunders--what time does the Senate--uh--what do they call it? +Tell me, Miss Saunders--what time does the Senate--uh--what do they call it? Convene? +Convene? Convene--that's it--yes. I got to pick up some of those parliamentary words. I imagine a fellow can get pretty lost in the Senate without 'em-- +Convene--that's it--yes. I got to pick up some of those parliamentary words. I imagine a fellow can get pretty lost in the Senate without 'em-- With or without 'em. Twelve--noon. The Senate convenes at twelve o'clock. +With or without 'em. Twelve--noon. The Senate convenes at twelve o'clock. Gosh--that'll be something! You know what I better do in the morning? +Gosh--that'll be something! You know what I better do in the morning? No. What had you better--? +No. What had you better--? Go out to Mount Vernon. It'd be a sort of fine thing to do--see Washington's home just before walking into the Senate for the first time-- don't you think? +Go out to Mount Vernon. It'd be a sort of fine thing to do--see Washington's home just before walking into the Senate for the first time-- don't you think? Oh--a wonderful thing--yes. Get you right in the mood--yes--yes. +No, gee--I couldn't stay here-- You *couldn't*? +You *couldn't*? I mean--gosh--I wouldn't be comfortable in a--I--I haven't got clothes and things like that--and--I couldn't keep pigeons *there*--No--I-- I just--just wouldn't be-- +Go ahead--punch. Punch? +Punch? I had a lot to do with that little press conference last night-- +I had a lot to do with that little press conference last night-- Well, then, I--I *thank* you, Miss Saunders! Nothing better could have happened--. Yes *sir*, Miss Saunders, we're going right ahead with it! +Well, then, I--I *thank* you, Miss Saunders! Nothing better could have happened--. Yes *sir*, Miss Saunders, we're going right ahead with it! We're going right ahead with--*what*? +We're going right ahead with--*what*? Why, the Bill--the Bill--to make a National Boys' Camp... +Why, the Bill--the Bill--to make a National Boys' Camp... One moment, Senator. Do I understand you're going to present a *Bill*? +One moment, Senator. Do I understand you're going to present a *Bill*? Sure! A Bill. Senator Paine and I decided it was the one way in the world I could make myself-- +Sure! A Bill. Senator Paine and I decided it was the one way in the world I could make myself-- Pardon me. Senator Paine decided this *with* you? +Pardon me. Senator Paine decided this *with* you? Yes. Sure. It was his idea. *I* should have been the one to think of it-- +Yes. Sure. It was his idea. *I* should have been the one to think of it-- My dear Senator, have you the faintest idea of what it takes to get a Bill passed? +My dear Senator, have you the faintest idea of what it takes to get a Bill passed? I know--but you--you're going to help. +I know--but you--you're going to help. If I were *triplets*, I couldn't--. Look, Senator--let me give you a rough idea. A member has a Bill in mind--like you--a camp. Right? +If I were *triplets*, I couldn't--. Look, Senator--let me give you a rough idea. A member has a Bill in mind--like you--a camp. Right? Right. +Right. Fine. Now, what does he do? He's got to sit down first and write it up. The where, when, why, how--and everything else. That takes time-- +Fine. Now, what does he do? He's got to sit down first and write it up. The where, when, why, how--and everything else. That takes time-- Oh, but this one is so simple. +Oh, but this one is so simple. I see. *This* one is so simple-- +I see. *This* one is so simple-- And with your help-- +And with your help-- Oh, yes. And *I'm* helping. Simple-- and I'm helping. So we knock this off in record-breaking time of--let's say three or four days-- +Oh, yes. And *I'm* helping. Simple-- and I'm helping. So we knock this off in record-breaking time of--let's say three or four days-- Oh, just a day-- +Oh, just a day-- A *day*! +A *day*! Tonight. +Tonight. Tonight. Look--uh--I don't want to seem to be complaining, Senator--but in all civilized countries, there's an institution called *dinner*--! +Tonight. Look--uh--I don't want to seem to be complaining, Senator--but in all civilized countries, there's an institution called *dinner*--! Oh--dinner. Yes. Well, I'm hungry, too. I thought--maybe--we could have something brought in--you know, like big executives who eat off trays. You see, we've got to light into this and get it going-- +Oh--dinner. Yes. Well, I'm hungry, too. I thought--maybe--we could have something brought in--you know, like big executives who eat off trays. You see, we've got to light into this and get it going-- Uh-huh. Well, dinner comes in on trays. We're executives. And we light into this. It is dawn. Your Bill is ready. You go over there and introduce it-- +Uh-huh. Well, dinner comes in on trays. We're executives. And we light into this. It is dawn. Your Bill is ready. You go over there and introduce it-- How? +How? You get to your feet in the Senate and present it. Then you take the Bill and put it in a little box-- like a letter box--on the side of the rostrum. Just hold it between thumb and forefinger and drop it in. Clerks read it and refer it to the right committee-- +You get to your feet in the Senate and present it. Then you take the Bill and put it in a little box-- like a letter box--on the side of the rostrum. Just hold it between thumb and forefinger and drop it in. Clerks read it and refer it to the right committee-- Committee, huh? +Committee, huh? Committee. +Committee. Why? +Why? That's how Congress--or any large body--is run. All work has to be done by committee. +That's how Congress--or any large body--is run. All work has to be done by committee. Why? +Why? Look--committees--small groups of Senators--have to sift a Bill down-- look into it--study it--and report to the whole Senate. You can't take a Bill no one knows anything about and discuss it among ninety-six men. Where would you get? +Look--committees--small groups of Senators--have to sift a Bill down-- look into it--study it--and report to the whole Senate. You can't take a Bill no one knows anything about and discuss it among ninety-six men. Where would you get? Yes, I see that. +Yes, I see that. Good. Where are we? +Good. Where are we? Some committee's got it. +Some committee's got it. Yes. They give it to a *sub*- committee, where they really give it a going over--hold hearings--call in people and ask questions--then report back to the bigger committee--where it's considered some more, changed, amended, or whatever. Days are going by, Senator. Days--weeks. Finally, they think it's quite a Bill. It goes over to the House of Representatives for debate and a vote. *But* it's got to wait its turn on the calendar-- +Yes. They give it to a *sub*- committee, where they really give it a going over--hold hearings--call in people and ask questions--then report back to the bigger committee--where it's considered some more, changed, amended, or whatever. Days are going by, Senator. Days--weeks. Finally, they think it's quite a Bill. It goes over to the House of Representatives for debate and a vote. *But* it's got to wait its turn on the calendar-- Calendar? +Calendar? That's the order of business. Your Bill has to stand *way* back there in line unless the Steering Committee decides it is important enough to be-- +That's the order of business. Your Bill has to stand *way* back there in line unless the Steering Committee decides it is important enough to be-- What's that? +What's that? What? +What? The Steering Committee. +The Steering Committee. Do you really think we're getting anywhere. +Do you really think we're getting anywhere. Yes. Sure. What's a Steering Committee? +Yes. Sure. What's a Steering Committee? A committee of the majority party leaders. They decide when a Bill is important enough to be moved up toward the head of the list-- +A committee of the majority party leaders. They decide when a Bill is important enough to be moved up toward the head of the list-- *This* is. +*This* is. Pardon me--*this* is. Where are we now? +Pardon me--*this* is. Where are we now? We're over in the House. +We're over in the House. Yes. House. More amendments--more changes--and the Bill goes back to the Senate--and *waits its turn on the calendar again*. The Senate doesn't like what the house did to the Bill. They make more changes. The House doesn't like *those* changes. Stymie. So they appoint men from each house to go into a huddle called a conference and battle it out. Besides that, all the lobbyists interested give cocktail parties for and against--government departments get in their two cents' worth--cabinet members--budget bureaus--embassies. Finally, if the Bill is alive after all this vivisection, it comes to a vote. Yes, sir--the big day finally arrives. And--nine times out of ten, they vote it down. Are you catching on, Senator? +Yes. House. More amendments--more changes--and the Bill goes back to the Senate--and *waits its turn on the calendar again*. The Senate doesn't like what the house did to the Bill. They make more changes. The House doesn't like *those* changes. Stymie. So they appoint men from each house to go into a huddle called a conference and battle it out. Besides that, all the lobbyists interested give cocktail parties for and against--government departments get in their two cents' worth--cabinet members--budget bureaus--embassies. Finally, if the Bill is alive after all this vivisection, it comes to a vote. Yes, sir--the big day finally arrives. And--nine times out of ten, they vote it down. Are you catching on, Senator? Yes. Shall we start on it right now-- or order dinner first? +Yes. Shall we start on it right now-- or order dinner first? Pardon? +Pardon? I said--shall we get started *now* or-- +I said--shall we get started *now* or-- Yes--sure. Why not? You don't mind if I take the time to get a pencil? +No! Go right ahead, Miss Saunders. Thanks very much. +Thanks very much. And a *lot* of paper! +--that's the main idea, Miss Saunders. The United States Government isn't going to buy or build this camp-- just lend us the money. You've made a note of that, huh? Yes, Senator--*twice*. +Yes, Senator--*twice*. Uh--have you? Did you ever have so much to say about something--you couldn't say it? +Uh--have you? Did you ever have so much to say about something--you couldn't say it? Try sitting down. +Try sitting down. I did--and--and I got right up. +I did--and--and I got right up. Now, let's get down to particulars. How big is this thing? Where is it to be? How many boys will it take care of? If they're going to buy it-- how do they make their contributions? Your Bill has to have all that in it-- +Now, let's get down to particulars. How big is this thing? Where is it to be? How many boys will it take care of? If they're going to buy it-- how do they make their contributions? Your Bill has to have all that in it-- And something else, too, Miss Saunders-- the spirit of it--the idea--the-- +On paper? "I want to make that come to life-- yes, and lighted up like that, too-- for every boy in the land. Boys forget what their country means--just reading ""land of the free"" in history books. And they get to be men--and forget even more. Liberty is too precious to get buried in books, Miss Saunders. Men ought to hold it up in front of them--every day of their lives and say: ""I am free--to think--to speak. My ancestors couldn't. I can. My children will.""" +"Well--gosh--that--that isn't ""particulars,"" is it?" But you've just taken care of the spirit all right. +But you've just taken care of the spirit all right. Well, anyway, it's *something* like that-- And it *is* important. That--that Steering Committee has *got* to see it that way. And I'm sure Senator Paine will do all he can-- He's a fine man, Miss Saunders, isn't he? He knew my father, you know. +Well, anyway, it's *something* like that-- And it *is* important. That--that Steering Committee has *got* to see it that way. And I'm sure Senator Paine will do all he can-- He's a fine man, Miss Saunders, isn't he? He knew my father, you know. He did? +He did? We need a lot like him--his kind of character--ideals. +We need a lot like him--his kind of character--ideals. Uh--getting back to this, Senator-- +Uh--getting back to this, Senator-- Yes, yes-- +Yes, yes-- Now, this camp is going to be out in your state, of course-- +Now, this camp is going to be out in your state, of course-- About two hundred of the most beautiful acres that ever were! Mountains, prairie land, trees, streams! A paradise for boys who live in stuffy cities-- You don't know that country out there, do you, Miss Saunders? +About two hundred of the most beautiful acres that ever were! Mountains, prairie land, trees, streams! A paradise for boys who live in stuffy cities-- You don't know that country out there, do you, Miss Saunders? No. +No. I've been over every foot of it. You couldn't have any idea. You'd have to see for yourself-- --the prairies--the wind leaning on the tall grass-- +You mean--here? Baltimore. Pure city-dweller. +Baltimore. Pure city-dweller. But you've had beautiful country all around you. You've just had to life up your eyes! +But you've had beautiful country all around you. You've just had to life up your eyes! City-dwellers never do that--for fear of what might drop *in* 'em. +City-dwellers never do that--for fear of what might drop *in* 'em. Have you always had to--work? +Have you always had to--work? Since sixteen or so. +Since sixteen or so. I take it your--your parents couldn't-- uh-- +I take it your--your parents couldn't-- uh-- No, they couldn't. Father was a doctor. The kind who placed ethics above collections. That speaks well for Father but it always left us kind of-- Could we get on with this, Senator? +No, they couldn't. Father was a doctor. The kind who placed ethics above collections. That speaks well for Father but it always left us kind of-- Could we get on with this, Senator? It hasn't been easy, has it? +It hasn't been easy, has it? No complaints. +No complaints. But--I mean--for a woman--And--you've done awfully well-- +But--I mean--for a woman--And--you've done awfully well-- Have I? +Have I? I never met anyone more--more intelligent--or capable. I--I don't know where I'd be on this bill of mine without your help-- +I never met anyone more--more intelligent--or capable. I--I don't know where I'd be on this bill of mine without your help-- I don't see where we are *with* it. +I don't see where we are *with* it. "No! Gosh! I better get moving here, Miss Saunders-- Everybody else calls you just plain ""Saunders."" Why can't I?" +"No! Gosh! I better get moving here, Miss Saunders-- Everybody else calls you just plain ""Saunders."" Why can't I?" Go right ahead. +Go right ahead. Saunders. That's better. Good morning, Saunders. Hello, Saunders. How's the bill coming, Saunders--? +Saunders. That's better. Good morning, Saunders. Hello, Saunders. How's the bill coming, Saunders--? Terrible, thank you. +Terrible, thank you. "Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, we've got ""Saunders"" settled. Maybe that was my trouble all along. YEs, *sir*. I'm all ready to go now-- What's your *first* name?" +"Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, we've got ""Saunders"" settled. Maybe that was my trouble all along. YEs, *sir*. I'm all ready to go now-- What's your *first* name?" Why? +Why? Well--nobody calls you anything but Saunders. +Well--nobody calls you anything but Saunders. I also answer to whistles. +I also answer to whistles. You--you've *got* a first name, haven't you? +You--you've *got* a first name, haven't you? Look--I think we ought to skip it. +Look--I think we ought to skip it. All right. Sure. Just curious. The picture popped into my mind all of a sudden of a pump without a handle-- or something-- +All right. Sure. Just curious. The picture popped into my mind all of a sudden of a pump without a handle-- or something-- Well, if it's all the same to you-- +Well, if it's all the same to you-- I know. It's--Violet. +I know. It's--Violet. It *is* not! +It *is* not! Abigail. +Abigail. No! +No! Letitia. +Letitia. No! +No! Lena. +Lena. No! Stop it! +No! Stop it! I've got more. You better tell me. +I've got more. You better tell me. You win. It's--Clarissa. +You win. It's--Clarissa. Clarissa. Oh. Uh-huh. Well, Saunders--let's go-- +Clarissa. Oh. Uh-huh. Well, Saunders--let's go-- Now, *Susan*--that's really a *pretty* name-- +Now, *Susan*--that's really a *pretty* name-- Susan! Susan Paine--that's beautiful-- +Susan! Susan Paine--that's beautiful-- And a beautiful woman, too--don't you think? +And a beautiful woman, too--don't you think? Yes. The most beautiful I think I ever--gee-- Say--we're *never* going to finish this thing! Now, here we go, Saunders. I'm going to talk faster'n you can write-- +Uh--Willet Creek. It's just a little stream-- In Terry Canyon? +In Terry Canyon? You--don't know it, do you? +You--don't know it, do you? No-- +No-- You couldn't. You've never been out there, you said. +You couldn't. You've never been out there, you said. No, I haven't. I guess I thought the name was familiar. By the way, you discussed with Senator Paine where the camp was to be situated and everything? +No, I haven't. I guess I thought the name was familiar. By the way, you discussed with Senator Paine where the camp was to be situated and everything? Well--no. I didn't. Why? +Well--no. I didn't. Why? "Nothing. I just wondered. No *reason* to take it up with him. ""--about a quarter of a mile on either side of Willet Creek--""" +"Nothing. I just wondered. No *reason* to take it up with him. ""--about a quarter of a mile on either side of Willet Creek--""" Yeah. This land to be bought by contributions from the boys. You have that. Money to be-- +What do they--? Who are all those--? One of the plagues on members of Congress--office-seekers, cranks, people with pet bills. Get my son into West Point--or *outta* West Point. I've got a scheme to put people to work. How do I get rid of cockroaches? Some woman's composed a hymn to replace the Star Spangled Banner. Want to hear it? +One of the plagues on members of Congress--office-seekers, cranks, people with pet bills. Get my son into West Point--or *outta* West Point. I've got a scheme to put people to work. How do I get rid of cockroaches? Some woman's composed a hymn to replace the Star Spangled Banner. Want to hear it? No--not today! Boy, I feel like a house afire! Saunders--how did I do? +No--not today! Boy, I feel like a house afire! Saunders--how did I do? Great. +Great. I--I don't know how I got it out. My heart was right up here all the time-- I wonder what Senator Paine thought of it? +I--I don't know how I got it out. My heart was right up here all the time-- I wonder what Senator Paine thought of it? Must have been tickled pink. +Must have been tickled pink. Gee--I hope so. What's all this? +Gee--I hope so. What's all this? Contributions from boys who read about your camp. +Contributions from boys who read about your camp. Already? All these letters? +Already? All these letters? Oh, those are only local. Wait'll they start pouring in from all over the country. +Oh, those are only local. Wait'll they start pouring in from all over the country. "Do you mean all--look--look we'd better open them up--see what they say here--look at the money--what does it say--""Dear Senator Smith, I would like to come to your boy's camp and I shine shoes at the station and here's nine cents."" Oh, isn't that wonderful. Look and he signs it. ""Yours truly, Stinky Moore."" Isn't that marvelous? Say--have I got some paper here?" +"Do you mean all--look--look we'd better open them up--see what they say here--look at the money--what does it say--""Dear Senator Smith, I would like to come to your boy's camp and I shine shoes at the station and here's nine cents."" Oh, isn't that wonderful. Look and he signs it. ""Yours truly, Stinky Moore."" Isn't that marvelous? Say--have I got some paper here?" Second drawer. +Second drawer. Good! I'm going to be pretty busy tonight-- +Good! I'm going to be pretty busy tonight-- Not another bill? +Not another bill? No! Letters. I've got to write to the Rangers and Ma--and--I'm bustin' with news! Why, I've introduced a bill! Me--Jeff Smith. I got up and talked in the Senate! +No! Letters. I've got to write to the Rangers and Ma--and--I'm bustin' with news! Why, I've introduced a bill! Me--Jeff Smith. I got up and talked in the Senate! Do you want to dictate them? +Do you want to dictate them? The letters? Gosh--no. I couldn't talk letters. I've gotta scratch 'em out. And say--I'm going to tell Ma all about you. If I tell it right-- the first thing you know you're going to get the best jar of preserves you ever tasted. +The letters? Gosh--no. I couldn't talk letters. I've gotta scratch 'em out. And say--I'm going to tell Ma all about you. If I tell it right-- the first thing you know you're going to get the best jar of preserves you ever tasted. Thanks a lot. +Thanks a lot. Oh--*Saunders*! +I--I--gee whiz--I didn't thank you! Don't mention it-- +Don't mention it-- I mean it. I--without you, I could't've-- +Yes--right here. Just a second-- Miss Paine. *Who*! Miss--! Is that--? Why didn't you--? Holy smoke; H-hello... Yes, Miss Paine... How-- how are you, Miss Paine...? What?... Escort *you* Gee--I mean--*sure*-- *yes*! I'd be--. Reception for a *princess*! Gosh!... Thanks, Miss Paine. Yes. I--I'll be there! Goodbye, Miss Paine. Did you hear that?--Escort Susan Paine--reception for a princess! Imagine her calling me--asking *me*-- ! +*Who*! Miss--! Is that--? Why didn't you--? Holy smoke; H-hello... Yes, Miss Paine... How-- how are you, Miss Paine...? What?... Escort *you* Gee--I mean--*sure*-- *yes*! I'd be--. Reception for a *princess*! Gosh!... Thanks, Miss Paine. Yes. I--I'll be there! Goodbye, Miss Paine. Did you hear that?--Escort Susan Paine--reception for a princess! Imagine her calling me--asking *me*-- ! Get your hat, Senator. We've got a lot to do between now and tomorrow-- +Get your hat, Senator. We've got a lot to do between now and tomorrow-- Wow! +"I know. Don't tell me. It was a wonderful party. Your suit went over big. And she looked beautiful, and she gave her hand when you left her-- and said--""Thank you, Mr. Smith."" Oh, but it was the way she *said* it. You like to fell through the floor--Horseradish!" Saunders--! +Saunders--! And you're writing Ma all about it. And your pigeons will carry the message of love. And the first thing you know--Susan Paine'll get the best jar of preserves she ever tasted! +And you're writing Ma all about it. And your pigeons will carry the message of love. And the first thing you know--Susan Paine'll get the best jar of preserves she ever tasted! Are you drunk? +Hello. Saunders-- +Well gee--how--how've you been, Saunders? I--I haven't seen you in-- . I suppose--now that you're married-- I'm not. +No. That night--I--well, *you* know-- I was pretty--. No--Diz is a--a sort of brother, that's all-- That's funny. I thought all along-- Gee--I--I'm glad to see you. I *thought* of you--I mean--I wanted to talk to someone and--well-- --Mr. Lincoln hasn't much to say-- Saunders--I'm not fit to sit up in the Senate--haven't you heard?--I robbed boys of their pennies and dimes! +What are you going to do? I--I don't know. I--I'm afraid they've got me licked. +It might save some of the pieces, Jeff. It would leave a doubt about the whole thing--about you. Might blow over, this way. Yeah. I see. Well--that's about the only thing to do. Don't you think? +Yeah. I see. Well--that's about the only thing to do. Don't you think? Well, I guess it's a chance. +Well, I guess it's a chance. Yeah. I guess--sometimes--Senator Paine must be right. Sometimes you-- you got to compromise a little-- And if you say so too, Saunders--if *you* think that's the thing to do-- +Yeah. I guess--sometimes--Senator Paine must be right. Sometimes you-- you got to compromise a little-- And if you say so too, Saunders--if *you* think that's the thing to do-- I *don't* think that's the thing to do! No! I think what you ought to do is--*fight*! +I *don't* think that's the thing to do! No! I think what you ought to do is--*fight*! Wait-- +Wait-- What you *have* to do is fight! +What you *have* to do is fight! But--I've done everything I-- +But--I've done everything I-- I don't care *what* you've done! Don't quit. Don't grab a measly chance like this to save a few pieces--other men could--but not you. As long as you lived, you'd remember you ran out and threw this country of yours to the jackals--! +I don't care *what* you've done! Don't quit. Don't grab a measly chance like this to save a few pieces--other men could--but not you. As long as you lived, you'd remember you ran out and threw this country of yours to the jackals--! Oh--Saunders-- +Oh--Saunders-- Jeff--listen--remember the day you got here?--what you said about Mr. Lincoln?--that he was sitting up there--watching--waiting for someone to come along? Well--that was *you*. Someone with a little plain, decent, uncompromising *rightness*--to root out the Taylors--yeah, and really light up that dome for once. This country could use some of that--so could the whole drunken, cockeyed world right now--a *lot* of it! And when the right man comes along--no matter *what* the odds--he can't *ever* quit! A little fellow called David walked out with only a sling- shot--but he had the *truth* on his side-- +Jeff--listen--remember the day you got here?--what you said about Mr. Lincoln?--that he was sitting up there--watching--waiting for someone to come along? Well--that was *you*. Someone with a little plain, decent, uncompromising *rightness*--to root out the Taylors--yeah, and really light up that dome for once. This country could use some of that--so could the whole drunken, cockeyed world right now--a *lot* of it! And when the right man comes along--no matter *what* the odds--he can't *ever* quit! A little fellow called David walked out with only a sling- shot--but he had the *truth* on his side-- Saunders--if there was *any* way-- +Saunders--if there was *any* way-- We'll *find* one! Only throw compromise out of the window--stick to Jeff Smith, the man who first came to this town--get up and *fight*-- and we'll find *some* way. I don't know where we'll wind up--but the flag'll be flying--! +Yay! Hurray! +Hurray! Where do we go from here? +Where do we go from here? To a hard night's work, son. Come on! +Jeff--wait--they want you to speak! Not *me*! Joseph Paine is the man they ought to be listening to! Come on! +Tell us about yourself, Senator! Hear you got a Boy's Club back home! Any ideas? Going to make things hum in the Senate, huh? Hold on, fellows--I'm not used to more then one question at a time-- +Ah! That's more like it! What? Well--for a couple of years now--I-- I've thought it would be a wonderful thing to have a National Boys' Camp out in our State-- +Well--for a couple of years now--I-- I've thought it would be a wonderful thing to have a National Boys' Camp out in our State-- A camp! Well! +A camp! Well! You see--if we could take the poor kids off the streets--out of cities-- a few months in the summer--learn something about Nature and American ideals-- +*Gentlemen*! Gentlemen are supposed to believe in something decent. Instead of twisting facts and making a joke of everything--why don't you tell the people the *truth* for a change? "The truth! Well, the man wants the truth! ""What *is* truth?"" asked so-and-so, and turned away!" +"The truth! Well, the man wants the truth! ""What *is* truth?"" asked so-and-so, and turned away!" That's what I said--the *truth*! +Whoa! Hold it! Pipe down! Come on, now--that's enough of that. If you thought as much of being honest-- as you do of being smart--! +Just for the fun of it.--You see the one that makes it back home in the fastest time, I am going to enter in the nationals. Wonderful! +Sure. Well, we *must* see a lot of you, Senator. Come, Father. +How--how do you do, Miss Paine? I--I apologize for looking like this-- I--I have to be going now-- How are the pigeons? +How are the pigeons? Fine--they're fine. Oh, Miss Paine, I--I want to apologize-- what the papers said I said about you--that wasn't true. I--I would never say a thing like that. +Fine--they're fine. Oh, Miss Paine, I--I want to apologize-- what the papers said I said about you--that wasn't true. I--I would never say a thing like that. Did you hear, Father? He didn't mean it when he said I was beautiful. +Did you hear, Father? He didn't mean it when he said I was beautiful. Oh--you are! +Oh--you are! Then you *did* say it. +Then you *did* say it. No--I mean--yes--that is-- +Well, goodbye, sir--and thank you again. Well--it--it was nice seeing you, Miss Paine-- Goodnight, Senator-- +I--I'm awfully glad to be--that is, it was nice of you to-- Uh--how's your father? Splendid. +Splendid. Uh--that's good. And--uh--you? +Uh--that's good. And--uh--you? I'm splendid, too. +I'm splendid, too. That's--that's splendid. +That's--that's splendid. And how's your bill, Senator? +And how's your bill, Senator? Oh, the bill. Oh--splendid--I mean-- I--I just can't seem to talk in this suit. I'll tell you a secret. It's brand new. +Oh, the bill. Oh--splendid--I mean-- I--I just can't seem to talk in this suit. I'll tell you a secret. It's brand new. Well! You don't say! +Well! You don't say! It's just as well to tell you--because if we're going to get off on the right foot--I mean--in case I act sort of strange--it's the suit. +It's just as well to tell you--because if we're going to get off on the right foot--I mean--in case I act sort of strange--it's the suit. Well--I-- +Well--I-- "Funnier things have happened. Ma says when Pa was courting her, he acted strange for months. Didn't make sense--or anything. And one day, on a hunch, Ma said: ""Clayton, so help me, you talk like a man whose collar is too tight to bear."" ""Not the collar, Mary,"" he said, ""my shoes."" ""Well, for land's sake,"" Ma said, ""Take the pesky things off!"" Which Pa did, an' they were engaged within a week." +"Funnier things have happened. Ma says when Pa was courting her, he acted strange for months. Didn't make sense--or anything. And one day, on a hunch, Ma said: ""Clayton, so help me, you talk like a man whose collar is too tight to bear."" ""Not the collar, Mary,"" he said, ""my shoes."" ""Well, for land's sake,"" Ma said, ""Take the pesky things off!"" Which Pa did, an' they were engaged within a week." You're not going to take your *suit* off! +You're not going to take your *suit* off! No! No! Gosh. See, there you are! I'm not making sense! +I don't understand, sir! I don't know what the gentleman-- The Senator has no voice in this chamber until the oath of office has been administered! +"""I do solemnly swear--that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States--against all enemies, foreign and domestic--that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same--that I take this obligation freely--without and mental reservation and purpose of evasion-- and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.""" """So help me God.""" +"""So help me God.""" Senator, you can talk all you want to, now. +The chair recognizes the rather strong- lunged junior Senator, Mr. Smith. I--I'm sorry, sir. I--I have a bill-- +The Senator understands he is limited to five minutes? Yes, sir-- +However, Senator Smith is still a member of this Body and as such has equal claim on the attention of the Chair-- You were about to recognize me, sir-- +You were about to recognize me, sir-- That is merely your *impression*, Senator. The Chair has yet to settle the question to its own satisfaction! +Order, gentlemen! Mr. President--I stand guilty as *framed*! Because Section Forty is graft, and I was ready to say so. I was ready to tell you that one man in my state--Mister James Taylor-- was putting that dam through for his own profit! +"Uh--Mr. President--you and I are about to be alone in here, sir. I'm not complaining for social reasons, but it'd be a pity if the gentlemen missed any of this. Mr. President--I call the chair's attention to Rule Five of the Standing Rules of the Senate Section Three. ""If it shall be found that a quorum is not present, a majority of the Senators present--,"" and that begins to look like me--""may direct the Sergeant-at-arms to request, and if necessary *compel* the attendance of the absent Senators."" Mr. President--*I so direct*." Ring the call to quorum. +"""--We hold these truths to be self- evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights--"" Well--looks like the night shift's comin' on." The Senator will please suspend until order is restored in the chamber. +Well, now--I wouldn't know about that. Mr. President--what happens to me in the morning--I mean about my having this floor to go on babbling? If the Senator permits this motion to recess he will not have the floor in the morning to babble or anything else, unless he is recognized first by the Chair. +Since the time of Adams--not Washington. How's that, buddy? +How's that, buddy? I said--I mean--Washington didn't live to see it finished. Congress didn't move here from Philadelphia till eighteen hundred. +I said--I mean--Washington didn't live to see it finished. Congress didn't move here from Philadelphia till eighteen hundred. Oh--you're *sure* of that now? +Oh--you're *sure* of that now? Yes. Washington laid the cornerstone though--wearing an apron for the ceremony that was embroidered by Madame Lafayette-- +Yes. Washington laid the cornerstone though--wearing an apron for the ceremony that was embroidered by Madame Lafayette-- Yes, *sir*. Let's *go* Henry. +One moment, friends, let's give the Senator a break. Now, where'd you say you studied law? Well--I haven't needed much law so far--what I'd like to get first is a little common sense-- +Well--I haven't needed much law so far--what I'd like to get first is a little common sense-- Swell! +Ax? A pet idea--you know--pension bill-- save the buffalo--you've got *one* notion you think would be good for this country, haven't you? +A pet idea--you know--pension bill-- save the buffalo--you've got *one* notion you think would be good for this country, haven't you? Well--I have got *one* idea-- +Marvelous! And what would this camp set the Government back? Oh--nothing--nothing. My idea is-- for the Government to lend us the money--and the boys'll pay it back-- sending in a penny or a nickel--no more than a dime--no, gosh--the Government's got enough on its hands without-- +Oh--nothing--nothing. My idea is-- for the Government to lend us the money--and the boys'll pay it back-- sending in a penny or a nickel--no more than a dime--no, gosh--the Government's got enough on its hands without-- Great! The Government's putting dough in too many places *now*! +Yeah! How about it? You're a nature lover. Do you handle any of that sign language? Well--I can *manage*-- +Well! Hear anything? Any sign of him? How'd you like a punch in the nose? +How'd you like a punch in the nose? What! Who? +What! Who? That's what he's been doing since last heard from. +That's what he's been doing since last heard from. Whaddaya mean! What did *I* have to do with it? I don't blame the guy. Wow! Twenty-four hours in this town and nothing but dog-fights! And things aren't bad enough--last night I have to get a run-around from some wise dame-- +Whaddaya mean! What did *I* have to do with it? I don't blame the guy. Wow! Twenty-four hours in this town and nothing but dog-fights! And things aren't bad enough--last night I have to get a run-around from some wise dame-- My, my--you sho' are pahwerfully upset, Mister McGann--but you' awfully cute. +My, my--you sho' are pahwerfully upset, Mister McGann--but you' awfully cute. Yeah? Well, when I get my hands on a red-headed doll with a southern lingo, I'll-- +I wouldn't wait if I were you. What do you mean? What's going on? +What do you mean? What's going on? The Head Man's writing a Bill. +The Head Man's writing a Bill. A Bill! Not *him*! +What does he want to--? What's *he* doing writing a Bill? Why, he's a Senator, isn't he? I'm surprised at you, Mister McGann-- +You can't find it in racing forms, Chick. Fine thing Jim Taylor wished on me-- show him the monuments--I need this job like I need ten pounds. +Here, Jeff, I'll advance it for you.-- Fine introduction to the nation's capital! Here, I'll take a dozen of those things. Miss Paine. +H'ya, Carl--h'ya, Bill! Jeff--meet Mr. Cook and Mr. Griffith-- members of our State headquarters here. +Chick-- I've got 'im, Joe. Be right along. +Eleven B Street, Northeast. Take his bags and your own right over--and get yourself a room in the same place-- Listen, Joe--at least--after a day like this--I got one good bust coming before I start showing him monuments-- +Joe--drop everything and come with me! What's the matter? +Joe! You *told* him to! Yes--a camp bill that will never get beyond a first reading. So calm down, Chick--and--goodnight. +Did I hear right? Did he say *Willet Creek*? Let's get away from here. +Let's get away from here. That's dynamite, Joe! +--amazing coincidence! Of all places in the world--to choose Willet Creek for his boys' camp! Joe--I'm getting leery of this guy. We keep calling him dumb--and he keeps winding up in our hair! I'm telling you--when he finds out there's a dam going up where he wants his camp, he's gonna start asking questions six ways from Sunday-- +Joe--I'm getting leery of this guy. We keep calling him dumb--and he keeps winding up in our hair! I'm telling you--when he finds out there's a dam going up where he wants his camp, he's gonna start asking questions six ways from Sunday-- Be quiet, Chick--I'm trying to think-- This Deficiency Bill is going to be read in the Senate tomorrow. +Be quiet, Chick--I'm trying to think-- This Deficiency Bill is going to be read in the Senate tomorrow. Tomorrow! Joe--he'll hear the section on Willet Dam. He can't be there! +Tomorrow! Joe--he'll hear the section on Willet Dam. He can't be there! I know that. +I know that. Listen--tomorrow I take him to see monuments--if I have to hit him over the head with a couple! +Listen--tomorrow I take him to see monuments--if I have to hit him over the head with a couple! That won't work, Chick. This boy's honest, not stupid. +That won't work, Chick. This boy's honest, not stupid. Susan! +Susan! My daughter isn't here to carry out assignments like that for *anybody*. +My daughter isn't here to carry out assignments like that for *anybody*. Well, then--this is too much for *my* lame brain. I'm calling Jim Taylor. +Well, then--this is too much for *my* lame brain. I'm calling Jim Taylor. Jim's methods won't do in Washington. +Jim's methods won't do in Washington. Joe--listen--all Susan has to do is turn those big eyes on him--he'll fall all over himself--just keep him out of there *one afternoon*--while they read that bill-- +--I've used every argument in the world to try to turn him off. He just keeps coming back to the dam-- and what he knows-- Saunders! I'd like to tie her in a sack and drop her from the Brooklyn Bridge-- +Saunders! I'd like to tie her in a sack and drop her from the Brooklyn Bridge-- --now he wants to talk to the Congressmen from the Willet Creek districts--he's run their names down-- +Your Ranger's on the garbage pile, Happy! He's done for! Shut up! You've *got* the man pilloried! Do you have to dance around him like a cannibal--! +Who? Who? Your boss! A nut, huh? A nut! Wow! There's a *story* in this guy--! I smelled it! Go away, Nosey. +Go away, Nosey. Saunders--it's meat and drink--lemme at 'im! Five minutes--! I'll make it right with you! +What do I *mean*, huh? Uh--*I'll* tell ya--World's Series--a pass! In a month it's worth fifteen bucks! Well, well! +Look, Nosey--your pals would like to get in on this, wouldn't they? Hey--I wanna *scoop*! +Hey--I wanna *scoop*! Well, that's out. Either it's *lots* of reporters and *lots* of tickets or--. Now will you go and call 'em before I change my mind about the whole thing! +Well, that's out. Either it's *lots* of reporters and *lots* of tickets or--. Now will you go and call 'em before I change my mind about the whole thing! Okay. See you here. +You want to see me, Senator? Yes. Good morning, Saunders. Have you--uh--any idea how this happened? +Yes. Good morning, Saunders. Have you--uh--any idea how this happened? The ranger's notices? No idea at all. +The ranger's notices? No idea at all. No? +No? No--I'm sorry. I merely saw him home. I'm not supposed to tuck him in and give him his bottle. That's McGann's job. +No--I'm sorry. I merely saw him home. I'm not supposed to tuck him in and give him his bottle. That's McGann's job. By the way, Mr. McGann just phoned-- in a high fever. Smith's gone again. Have you any idea where? +By the way, Mr. McGann just phoned-- in a high fever. Smith's gone again. Have you any idea where? Yes. He went to Mount Vernon to give himself a patriotic address. +Yes. He went to Mount Vernon to give himself a patriotic address. Well--that's very fine. Saunders, some person in your office says you've quit-- +Well--that's very fine. Saunders, some person in your office says you've quit-- That's right. +That's right. Oh, now--that won't do-- +Oh, now--that won't do-- Look, Senator--I wasn't given a brain just to tell a Boy Ranger what time it is. What do you need me for? Get somebody else--get a registered nurse-- +Look, Senator--I wasn't given a brain just to tell a Boy Ranger what time it is. What do you need me for? Get somebody else--get a registered nurse-- You're the best nurse I can think of-- +You're the best nurse I can think of-- Nice *compliment*! +Nice *compliment*! I meant it for one. I meant--Sam Foley couldn't get along without you-- and neither can I at the moment-- +I meant it for one. I meant--Sam Foley couldn't get along without you-- and neither can I at the moment-- No? +No? You see--Governor Hopper made an appointment in this case that--well, Jeff isn't exactly fitted to the work, let's say. He's here to see monuments--and pass the time. That's important to--to my work--and everybody concerned. So, someone who can be trusted has to occupy him and keep him out of trouble-- +You see--Governor Hopper made an appointment in this case that--well, Jeff isn't exactly fitted to the work, let's say. He's here to see monuments--and pass the time. That's important to--to my work--and everybody concerned. So, someone who can be trusted has to occupy him and keep him out of trouble-- And I'm an old hand at following instructions-- +And I'm an old hand at following instructions-- You're more than that. I've had example of the fact that wild horses couldn't pull confidential matter in these two offices out of you. That's why I tell you what I do--about Smith and this situation. So, you see-- +You're more than that. I've had example of the fact that wild horses couldn't pull confidential matter in these two offices out of you. That's why I tell you what I do--about Smith and this situation. So, you see-- Yeah--I see I'm right where I've been for seven years-- +Yeah--I see I'm right where I've been for seven years-- You deserve a lot better. And I'll tell you what we'll do. Stay and play nurse, as you say--and if certain things happen I'm taking everybody up with me, and you'll get one of the biggest jobs in Washington. +You deserve a lot better. And I'll tell you what we'll do. Stay and play nurse, as you say--and if certain things happen I'm taking everybody up with me, and you'll get one of the biggest jobs in Washington. Yeah? And what else? +Yeah? And what else? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Well, when I first came to Washington, my eyes were big, blue question marks-- now they're big, green dollar marks-- +Well, when I first came to Washington, my eyes were big, blue question marks-- now they're big, green dollar marks-- I see. All right. You finish this job properly--and you get a handsome bonus besides-- +What do you want, Senator? Saunders--it's going to go pretty bad for Jeff tomorrow. There's only one thing that can be done for him now-- I--I've written his resignation. He resigns under protest--denying all charges. No one will ever be sure if he was guilty or not. It leaves him with at least a shred of honor. The other way--branded openly in the Senate--expelled--he'll never live it down. Rather a simple compromise than utter ruin. In a year--the whole thing might be forgotten-- +Saunders--it's going to go pretty bad for Jeff tomorrow. There's only one thing that can be done for him now-- I--I've written his resignation. He resigns under protest--denying all charges. No one will ever be sure if he was guilty or not. It leaves him with at least a shred of honor. The other way--branded openly in the Senate--expelled--he'll never live it down. Rather a simple compromise than utter ruin. In a year--the whole thing might be forgotten-- What are you driving at? You want *me* to get him to sign that? +What are you driving at? You want *me* to get him to sign that? Yes-- +Yes-- Why don't you do it yourself? +Why don't you do it yourself? He's lost complete faith in me-- +He's lost complete faith in me-- Well--me, too! +Well--me, too! But--you love him, don't you, Saunders? +But--you love him, don't you, Saunders? What are you talking about? What difference--? +What are you talking about? What difference--? Do you? +Do you? All right--*yes*! And what does that make me to him? *Nothing*! I've got to go about my own business--and forget it! +All right--*yes*! And what does that make me to him? *Nothing*! I've got to go about my own business--and forget it! I thought I could, too. *My* business--this fine future! I have no future I *care* about, if this boy is broken! I--I can't sleep. The only important thing in my life now is to save what I can for him. I want him to get a start again--I'll see that he's taken care of as long as he lives--! Saunders--whether you ever mean anything to him or not-- +I thought I could, too. *My* business--this fine future! I have no future I *care* about, if this boy is broken! I--I can't sleep. The only important thing in my life now is to save what I can for him. I want him to get a start again--I'll see that he's taken care of as long as he lives--! Saunders--whether you ever mean anything to him or not-- *Me! Me*! I *still* don't see why I should--! If you love him so much, why don't you go to him yourself and-- ? Or better still--get up in that Senate and *fight* for him! +*Me! Me*! I *still* don't see why I should--! If you love him so much, why don't you go to him yourself and-- ? Or better still--get up in that Senate and *fight* for him! It's too late now--it's *impossible*! +It's too late now--it's *impossible*! So I go right back where I was-- carrying compromises--covering up-- back to political tricks--this time for--! No! I was just getting rid of all that. If I did *anything*, I ought to go and tell him to stand up and--. No! I don't want any part of it! Smith or anything else! I'm all through. I want to be left alone! +Every word that boy said is the truth! I'm not fit for office! I'm not fit for any place of honor or trust in this land! Expel me--! He did it. +That Happy Hopper is tougher to handle than a prima-donna. --in other words, Jim--with this Willet Creek Dam on the fire--the man who goes to the Senate now in Sam Foley's place can't ask any questions or talk out of turn. We must be absolutely sure of him. +--in other words, Jim--with this Willet Creek Dam on the fire--the man who goes to the Senate now in Sam Foley's place can't ask any questions or talk out of turn. We must be absolutely sure of him. That's why I say Miller--Horace Miller. He jumped through hoops for the machine before we moved him up to the bench. He'll take orders. +That's why I say Miller--Horace Miller. He jumped through hoops for the machine before we moved him up to the bench. He'll take orders. Jim--suppose we didn't try to go through with this Willet Creek Dam-- suppose we postpone it until the next session of Congress--or drop it altogether-- +Jim--suppose we didn't try to go through with this Willet Creek Dam-- suppose we postpone it until the next session of Congress--or drop it altogether-- That'd be a crime--after all this work--getting it buried in this Deficiency Bill as nice as you please-- approved--all ready to roll-- +That'd be a crime--after all this work--getting it buried in this Deficiency Bill as nice as you please-- approved--all ready to roll-- How much does the Willet Dam mean to you, Jim? +How much does the Willet Dam mean to you, Jim? Joe--I've got a lot of people to take care of in this State. +Joe--I've got a lot of people to take care of in this State. I know, but is it worth the risk of a scandal now that a new man is going to the Senate? +I know, but is it worth the risk of a scandal now that a new man is going to the Senate? Joe--what's the matter with you-- where you're concerned, I wouldn't take the slightest risk--'specially now after the great reputation you've made in the Senate. Why, look at this campaign I've started for you in all my papers. You're the logical man from the West on the National ticket--at the convention, anything can happen-- +Joe, that's coming a long way in twenty years since I met you practising law down there in Main Street. Jim--if what you say about the future is remotely possible--why not do as I say--drop things like this dam? +Jim--if what you say about the future is remotely possible--why not do as I say--drop things like this dam? We can't drop it now, Joe. We bought the land around this Dam and we're holding it in dummy names. If we drop it or delay it--we are going to bring about investigations, and investigations will show that we own that land and are trying to sell it to the State under phoney names. No, Joe, in my judgment the only thing to do is push this Dam through--and get it over with. +We can't drop it now, Joe. We bought the land around this Dam and we're holding it in dummy names. If we drop it or delay it--we are going to bring about investigations, and investigations will show that we own that land and are trying to sell it to the State under phoney names. No, Joe, in my judgment the only thing to do is push this Dam through--and get it over with. Well, then appoint Miller--if you're sure he'll take orders. +Well, then appoint Miller--if you're sure he'll take orders. Don't worry about Horace--he'll take orders. Come on-- +Wait a minute, boys. Happy may have hit on something tremendous here. Rather than let Miller or anyone else in at this stage, we simply put blinders on this simple son of nature-- and turn him loose on monuments. He's completely out of the way in Washington, and as Happy says, you make political capital out of it at home. Joe--do you mean to say--do you think you can actually *handle* this--this whatever-you-call-it in Washington? +Joe--do you mean to say--do you think you can actually *handle* this--this whatever-you-call-it in Washington? A young patriot?--Who recites Jefferson and Lincoln?--turned loose in our nation's capital? I think I can. +A young patriot?--Who recites Jefferson and Lincoln?--turned loose in our nation's capital? I think I can. Chick--turn the ballyhoo boys loose on this right away. Greatest appointment ever made. A banquet-- declare a holiday. +That's him. Let him in. Wait a minute--Jim--you didn't ask *Smith* over here! +Wait a minute--Jim--you didn't ask *Smith* over here! What do you think? +What do you think? Jim, you can't come here and pull that steamroller stuff. Your methods won't do here. This boy is a Senator, however it happened, he's a Senator. This is Washington. +Jim, you can't come here and pull that steamroller stuff. Your methods won't do here. This boy is a Senator, however it happened, he's a Senator. This is Washington. Steamroller stuff, Joe? My methods don't go in Washington? They've done pretty well by now, haven't they? +Steamroller stuff, Joe? My methods don't go in Washington? They've done pretty well by now, haven't they? Oh, Jim, that's beside the point. This boy's different. He's honest and beside he thinks the world of me. We can't do this to him. +Oh, Jim, that's beside the point. This boy's different. He's honest and beside he thinks the world of me. We can't do this to him. Well, what do you want me to do? Stand around like you chump and let that drooling infant wrap that Willet Creek Dam appropriation around my neck. Either he falls in line with us and behaves himself or I'll break him so wide open they'll never be able to find the pieces. +Well, what do you want me to do? Stand around like you chump and let that drooling infant wrap that Willet Creek Dam appropriation around my neck. Either he falls in line with us and behaves himself or I'll break him so wide open they'll never be able to find the pieces. Jim, I won't stand for it. +Jim, I won't stand for it. You won't stand for it? +You won't stand for it? I don't want any part of crucifying this boy. +I don't want any part of crucifying this boy. Oh, I see. Out steamroller methods are getting too hard to your sensitive soul, is that it, Joe? The Silver Knight is getting to big for us. My methods have been all right for the past twenty years, Joe, since I picked you out of a fly-specked hole in the wall and blew you up to look like a Senator, and now you can't stand it. Well, maybe you won't have to stand it, Joe. Maybe we can fix it so you and your Boy Ranger can go home together. +Oh, I see. Out steamroller methods are getting too hard to your sensitive soul, is that it, Joe? The Silver Knight is getting to big for us. My methods have been all right for the past twenty years, Joe, since I picked you out of a fly-specked hole in the wall and blew you up to look like a Senator, and now you can't stand it. Well, maybe you won't have to stand it, Joe. Maybe we can fix it so you and your Boy Ranger can go home together. Jim, you don't have to-- +Jim, you don't have to-- Oh, it's all right--it's all right. It seems a shame, though, to part company like this after all these years, especially now with a national convention coming up. Joe, I've put everything I have behind you. And so did all of our friends, but I guess we'll survive. We'll just have to find somebody else that's got a little more sense, that's all. In the meantime, you explain to Mr. Smith about Willet Dam. It's your bill-- it's your reputation, and if he can't find enough facts to break you with, you just send him to me and I'll give him a couple of good ones. I'm taking the next plane home. +Oh, it's all right--it's all right. It seems a shame, though, to part company like this after all these years, especially now with a national convention coming up. Joe, I've put everything I have behind you. And so did all of our friends, but I guess we'll survive. We'll just have to find somebody else that's got a little more sense, that's all. In the meantime, you explain to Mr. Smith about Willet Dam. It's your bill-- it's your reputation, and if he can't find enough facts to break you with, you just send him to me and I'll give him a couple of good ones. I'm taking the next plane home. Jim, it's just that I like the kid-- I don't want to see you get too rough on him. +Jim, it's just that I like the kid-- I don't want to see you get too rough on him. I'm glad to see you come to your senses. You had me scared there for a minute, thought. Let him in. +Jeff--this is Mr. Taylor. Glad to know you, Senator. Meet the boys-- +Glad to know you, Senator. Meet the boys-- Congressmen, Radner, Schultz, Diggs-- +Jim! Just a minute, Joe! +Just a minute, Joe! You can't say *that* to-- +You can't say *that* to-- *I* know what I'm doing! I'll say what I *want*! +It's in your lap, Joe. Keep an eye on him. If he gets to his feet and says anything-- It's crucifying him--! +It's crucifying him--! Anything *better* to offer? +Anything *better* to offer? Maybe he won't get up. +Maybe he won't get up. But--if he *does*, Joe-- +Hey--Joe! Where you going? We've got to celebrate tonight! No--I--I'll take a walk-- +Jim--the boy's talking to that State-- the story is out--! Sure! The fight's in the open now-- to a finish--! +Sure! The fight's in the open now-- to a finish--! And if he can raise public opinion against us--if any *part* of this sticks-- +And if he can raise public opinion against us--if any *part* of this sticks-- He won't get started! I'll *make* public opinion out there in five hours. I've done it all my life! I'll blacken this punk until-- Joe--your job is back in the Senate-- keep those men fighting him *there*. +He won't get started! I'll *make* public opinion out there in five hours. I've done it all my life! I'll blacken this punk until-- Joe--your job is back in the Senate-- keep those men fighting him *there*. I hit him from the floor with everything I knew! +I hit him from the floor with everything I knew! Keep doing it! This is the whole works, Joe--we're out of business of bigger than we then we ever were. We can't miss a trick--we can't stop at *anything*--till this yokel's smashed up and buried so deep he'll never--! +Here, here, Susan--this is Jeff Smith-- our new Senator. I don't care to meet anybody until I get paid--come on--come on. One dollar each, please, for the Milk Fund. +How nice. All right, we'll take Jeff with us-- +All right, we'll take Jeff with us-- I'm afraid we won't have room in the car, Father. Senator Smith can follow with Mr. McGann and the pigeons. +His first 'whiff'! Such pretty knees for a big boy! +Such pretty knees for a big boy! Do I actually *see* this--? +Do I actually *see* this--? "Listen, Father! ""Young Lochinvar smitten with Susan Paine""!" +Father--oh. Jefferson dropped in for a minute, Susan. +Jefferson dropped in for a minute, Susan. How nice. How do you do, Senator? +Well, at the expense of some of the furniture, Susan--you've made another conquest. What! Not Ol' Honest Abe! +What! Not Ol' Honest Abe! And Honest Abe's ideals. A rare man-- these days. +Mr. President... Senator Paine. +Senator Paine. I present the credentials of Honorable Jefferson Smith who has just been appointed Senator by the Governor of my state. +Mr. President! Will the Senator yield? Will Senator Smith yield to--? +Will the Senator yield? Order! Will Senator Smith yield to--? +Senator Paine will state it! It was *I* who rose in this Chamber to accuse him. He is saying that I was carrying out criminal orders on falsified evidence-- +I accuse this man--by his tone--by his careful denials--he is deliberately trying to plant damaging impressions of my conduct--! *I'll* tell you why we were in tht room. Because Mr. Taylor, a respected citizen of our State, had brought with him the evidence against this man, later presented from this floor, and *we were urging him to resign*-- ! Order! +Order! --to avoid bringing disgrace upon a clean and honorable State! +Order! Finally, there was only one answer to a man like him--the truth--which I rose and gave to this body! Mr. President--he has told lie upon lie--every lie a desperate attempt to conceal his own guilt. And now, he is trying to blackmail this Senate-- as he tried to blackmail me! To prevent his expulsion, he would probably even try to hold up this Deficiency Bill--vital to the whole country--which must be passed immediately--*today*! *Anything*--to force you to clear his bad name and save his hide! Gentlemen--I--I have no more patience with this--this *rascally* character. I apologize to this body for his appointment--I regret I had ever known him. I--I'm sick and tired of this contemptible young man and I refuse to listen to him any longer! I hope every member of this body feels as I do! +Mr. President, will the Senator yield for a question? Will Senator Smith yield to his colleague? +Is there objection? You may proceed, Senator. Page boys! +No. Don't ever want to go out without telling us. Who are you? +Yeah, Mr. Cobb said stick to your tail no matter what. That's very nice of Mr. Cobb - but I don't want anybody sticking to my tail no matter what. +That's going to be fun. Some people like it. +Put that away, slug! At your service! I got a trunk in that room. Will you get it out for me? +I got a trunk in that room. Will you get it out for me? Certainly. +Good morning. Morning, neighbors. Morning. +I say, my friend, do you know a fellow by the name of Longfellow Deeds? Deeds? +Deeds? Yes. +Yes. Yes, sir. Yes, indeedy. Everyone knows Deeds. +Yes, sir. Yes, indeedy. Everyone knows Deeds. Yes, I— +We'd like to get in touch with him. It's very important. Who's that? +Who's that? Deeds! Who do you think I'm talking about? +Deeds! Who do you think I'm talking about? Oh, yes - Deeds. Fine fellow. Very democratic. You won't have no trouble at all. Talk to anybody. +Since he was born. Yes. Elsie Taggart was the midwife. +Yes. Elsie Taggart was the midwife. He was a seven-months baby. +Most every day. Sometimes twice. +They think he's pixilated. Oh yes, pixilated. +Pixilated. Uh-huh. +He walks in the rain, without his hat, and talks to himself. Sometimes he whistles. +Sometimes he whistles. And sings. +For no reason, I guess. He always does it. We always run into the house when we see him coming. Never can tell what he's going to do. +Never can tell what he's going to do. He sure is pixilated. +He sure is pixilated. Oh, yes - he's pixilated all right. +Why, you own it, Longfellow. Yes, you own it. +Why, you've always been pixilated, Longfellow. Always. +Why, everybody in Mandrake Falls in pixilated - except us. Uh-huh. +Oh, yes. Yes, indeedy. +He's still pixilated. He sure is. +Are you married? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Any children? +Any children? No, no children. +No, no children. All right, Mr. Dodsworth. I think you'll qualify. Take this to that desk over there for further instructions. +All right, Mr. Dodsworth. I think you'll qualify. Take this to that desk over there for further instructions. Thank you very much. +Thank you very much. Next, please. +No. Are you? No. +No. You don't go out with girls very much, do you? +You don't go out with girls very much, do you? I haven't. +I haven't. Why not? +I don't mind though. I had a lot of fun doing it. Would you like to go for a walk? +It's obviously a frameup! They're trying to railroad this man for the money they can get out of him! Your Honor! +Thank you, Your Honor. Are you employed by the Morning Mail? No! +You are under oath, Miss Bennett. I ask you again - are you employed by the Morning Mail? No! I resigned last week! +Were you given an assignment to follow the activities of Longfellow Deeds? Yes. +Yes. Did you subsequently write a series of articles about him? +Did you subsequently write a series of articles about him? Yes! +Yes! Are these the articles? +Are these the articles? Yes! +Yes! Were you present when all these things took place? +Were you present when all these things took place? Yes! +Yes! Are they true! +Are they true! NO!! +NO!! But they did take place? +But they did take place? They're colored! Just to make him look silly! +They're colored! Just to make him look silly! And you saw them happen? +And you saw them happen? Yes, but I— +Yes, but I— That's all, Miss Bennett. +That's all, Miss Bennett. It isn't all! I'd like to explain— +It isn't all! I'd like to explain— That's all, Miss Bennett. That's all. +Oh, thank you! Your Honor, what she is saying has no bearing on the case. I object. +Your Honor, this is absurd. The woman's obviously in love with him. What's that got to do with it? +What's that got to do with it? Well, you are in love with him, aren't you? +Well, you are in love with him, aren't you? What's that got to do with it? +What's that got to do with it? You are , aren't you? +You are , aren't you? Yes!!! +You fainted. Oh, did I? I'm sorry . . . +No, thank you. I'll be all right. Look, this is my house. I'd like to— +Look, this is my house. I'd like to— Oh, no, really - I'll be all right. +Oh, no, really - I'll be all right. What happened? +What happened? Well, I guess I walked too much. I've been looking for a job all day. I found one, too. I start tomorrow. You've been awfully kind. Thank you very much. +Feel better now? Mmm, it tastes so good. Mr. Deeds, I don't know how I can ever thank you. +Mmm, it tastes so good. Mr. Deeds, I don't know how I can ever thank you. Tell me more about yourself. +Tell me more about yourself. Well, I guess I've told you almost everything there is to tell. My folks live in a small town near Hartford. I'm down here alone trying to make a living. Oh, I'm really just a nobody. +Oh, that was so lovely. Thank you. You were a lady in distress, weren't you? +You were a lady in distress, weren't you? What? +What? Oh - uh - nothing. +You've been having quite an exciting time here, haven't you? All those meetings and business deals and society people - haven't you been having fun? No. That is, I didn't— Until I met you. I like talking to you, though— Imagine my finding you right on my doorstep. +Look - there's Brookfield, the poet. Really? +There's just one thing more. If it weren't for Miss Dawson being here with me, I'd probably bump your heads together. Oh, I don't mind. +It's awfully nice of you to show me around like this. I enjoy it. +I enjoy it. The Aquarium was swell. If I lived in New York, I'd go there every day. I'll bet you do. +The Aquarium was swell. If I lived in New York, I'd go there every day. I'll bet you do. Well, I'd like to - but I have a job to think of. +Sure. I met you. Oh. What's happening about the opera? +Oh. What's happening about the opera? Oh, that - well, we had another meeting. I told them I'd go on being Chairman if— +I told 'em I'd play along with them if they lowered their prices - and cut down expenses - and broadcast. What did they say? +What did they say? Gosh, you look pretty tonight. +Gosh, you look pretty tonight. What did they say? +What did they say? Huh? Oh. They said I was crazy. Said I wanted to run it like a grocery store. +Huh? Oh. They said I was crazy. Said I wanted to run it like a grocery store. What are they going to do? +What are they going to do? Do you always wear your hair like that? +Have you seen the papers? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. That's what I like about you. You think about a man's feelings. I'd like to go down to that newspaper and punch the fellow in the nose that's writing that stuff— +Would you like to walk the rest of the way? It's so nice out. Yes. +Yes. Yeah, let's. +There you are. Grant's Tomb. I hope you're not disappointed. It's wonderful. +It's wonderful. To most people, it's an awful letdown. +To most people, it's an awful letdown. Huh? +Huh? I say, to most people it's a washout. +I say, to most people it's a washout. That depends on what they see. +That depends on what they see. Now, what do you see? +Now, what do you see? Me? Oh, I see a small Ohio farm boy becoming a great soldier. I see thousands of marching men. I see General Lee with a broken heart, surrendering, and I can see the beginning of a new nation, like Abraham Lincoln said. And I can see that Ohio boy being inaugurated as President— Things like that can only happen in a country like America. +There's Times Square. You can almost spit on it, can't you? +You can almost spit on it, can't you? Why don't you try? +You're worried about those articles they're writing about you, aren't you? I'm not worrying any more. I suppose they'll go on writing them till they get tired. You don't believe all that stuff, do you? +Oh, they just do it to sell the newspapers, you know. Yeah, I guess so. What puzzles me is why people seem to get so much pleasure out of hurting each other. Why don't they try liking each other once in a while? +Here's a nice place. Yeah. Anyway, there aren't any photographers around. +You know, you said something to me when you first met me that I've thought about a great deal. What's that? +What's that? You said I was a lady in distress. +You said I was a lady in distress. Oh, that— +Oh, that— What did you mean by that? +What did you mean by that? Nothing— +Oh, I don't know. You must have met a lot of swell society girls since you've been here. Don't you like them? +You must have met a lot of swell society girls since you've been here. Don't you like them? I haven't met anybody here that I like, particularly. They all seem to have the St. Vitus Dance.[12] Except you, of course. People here are funny. They work so hard at living - they forget how to live Last night, after I left you, I was walking along and looking at the tall buildings and I got to thinking about what Thoreau said. They created a lot of grand palaces here - but they forgot to create the noblemen to put in them. +I'd rather have Mandrake Falls. I'm from a small town too, you know. +I'm from a small town too, you know. Really? +Really? Probably as small as Mandrake Falls. +Probably as small as Mandrake Falls. Gosh! What do you know about that! +I've often thought about going back. You have? +You have? "Oh, yes. I used to have a lot of fun there when I was a little girl. I used to love to go fishing with my father. That's funny. He was a lot like you, my father was. Talked like you, too. Sometimes he'd let me hold the line while he smoked - and we'd just sit there for hours. And after awhile, for no reason, I'd go over and kiss him and sit in his lap. He never said very much but once I remember him saying: ""No matter what happens, honey, don't complain.""" +"Oh, yes. I used to have a lot of fun there when I was a little girl. I used to love to go fishing with my father. That's funny. He was a lot like you, my father was. Talked like you, too. Sometimes he'd let me hold the line while he smoked - and we'd just sit there for hours. And after awhile, for no reason, I'd go over and kiss him and sit in his lap. He never said very much but once I remember him saying: ""No matter what happens, honey, don't complain.""" He sounds like a person worth while knowing. +He played in the town band, too. He did? I play the tuba— +He did? I play the tuba— Yeah, I know. +Yeah, I know. What did he play? +What did he play? The drums. He taught me to play some. +The drums. He taught me to play some. He did? +He did? "Yes. I can do ""Swanee River."" Would you like to hear me?" +"Yes. I can do ""Swanee River."" Would you like to hear me?" Sure! +Oh, I suppose you could do better. "Sure. I can sing ""Humoresque.""" +"Sure. I can sing ""Humoresque.""" """Humoresque""? I'll bet you don't even know how it goes." +"""Humoresque""? I'll bet you don't even know how it goes." "Sure. Look! You sing it over again, and I'll do ""Humoresque"" with you." +"Sure. Look! You sing it over again, and I'll do ""Humoresque"" with you." It had better be good. +Couldn't sleep. Kinda wanted to talk to you. Do you mind? No - not at all. I couldn't sleep either. +I wanted to thank you again for going out with me. Huh? Well, I don't know what I'd do without you. You've made up for all the fakes that I've met. Well, that's very nice. Thank you. +Well, that's very nice. Thank you. You know what I've been doing since I got home? Been working on a poem. It's about you. Sometimes it's kinda hard for me to say things - so I write 'em. +You know what I've been doing since I got home? Been working on a poem. It's about you. Sometimes it's kinda hard for me to say things - so I write 'em. I'd like to read it some time. +I didn't think you could come with the party and everything. Oh, I wouldn't let them stop me from seeing you. So I threw them out! +Oh, I wouldn't let them stop me from seeing you. So I threw them out! You threw them out! +Yes, if it isn't too late. I'll get my hat. +Ready? Gosh, she looks better every time I see her. +Gosh, she looks better every time I see her. Thank you. +The reason why I wanted to take a walk, Mary, is 'cause I wanted to talk to you. Let's just walk, okay? +Let's just walk, okay? All right. +Mary, I'm going home. Are you? When? +Are you? When? In a day or so, I think. +In a day or so, I think. I don't blame you. +Do you mind if I talk to you, Mary? You don't have to pay any attention to me. No, I don't mind. +No, I don't mind. All my life, I've wanted somebody to talk to. Back in Mandrake Falls, I always used to talk to a girl. +All my life, I've wanted somebody to talk to. Back in Mandrake Falls, I always used to talk to a girl. A girl? +A girl? Oh, an imaginary one. I used to hike a lot through the woods and I'd always take this girl with me so I could talk to her. I'd show her my pet trees and things. Sounds kind of silly but we had a lot of fun doing it. +Well, here we are again. Yes, here we are again. Good night. +Yes, here we are again. Good night. Mary - I - excuse me— +Would you like to read it? It's to you. Yes, of course. +Hello, Mary? Oh, hello darling. +What's the matter, hon? Nothing. +What's up, Babe? Something's eating you. No. It's nothing. +No. It's nothing. My unfailing instinct tells me something's gone wrong with the stew. +My unfailing instinct tells me something's gone wrong with the stew. Don't be ridiculous. +You haven't gotten very far, have you? That's where you were an hour ago. Come on, let's knock off and go down to Joe's. The gang's waiting for us. I can't write it, Mabel! I don't know what's the matter with me. +Good night. Mabel, that guy's either the dumbest, the stupidest, the most imbecilic idiot in the world - or he's the grandest thing alive. I can't make him out. +Mabel, that guy's either the dumbest, the stupidest, the most imbecilic idiot in the world - or he's the grandest thing alive. I can't make him out. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. I'm crucifying him. +I'm crucifying him. People have been crucified before. +People have been crucified before. Why? Why do we have to do it? +Why? Why do we have to do it? You started out to be a successful newspaper woman, didn't you? +You started out to be a successful newspaper woman, didn't you? Yeah, then what? +Yeah, then what? Search me. Ask the Gypsies. +Search me. Ask the Gypsies. Here's a guy that's wholesome and fresh. To us he looks like a freak. You know what he told me tonight? He said when he gets married he wants to carry his bride over the threshold in his arms. +Here's a guy that's wholesome and fresh. To us he looks like a freak. You know what he told me tonight? He said when he gets married he wants to carry his bride over the threshold in his arms. The guy's balmy. +The guy's balmy. Is he? Yeah, I thought so, too. I tried to laugh, but I couldn't. It stuck in my throat. +Is he? Yeah, I thought so, too. I tried to laugh, but I couldn't. It stuck in my throat. Aw, cut it out, will you? You'll get me thinking about Charlie again. +Aw, cut it out, will you? You'll get me thinking about Charlie again. He's got goodness, Mabel. Do you know what that is? +He's got goodness, Mabel. Do you know what that is? Huh? +Huh? No - of course you don't. We've forgotten. We're too busy being smart-alecks. Too busy in a crazy competition for nothing. +You're a fool, Babe. I just couldn't stand seeing him again. +I just couldn't stand seeing him again. Running away is no solution. +What'll I tell him if he calls up? Tell him I had to leave suddenly. I got a job in China - some place. +Tell him I had to leave suddenly. I got a job in China - some place. You're acting like a school girl. +You're acting like a school girl. What else can I do? Keeping this up is no good. He's bound to find out sometime. At least I can save him that . +Just a minute. No, you don't. We're not going out tonight. +Why there she is! Of course she's home. Stupid of me . . . Hello. +Look, I can do it! What's gotten into you, Babe? I remember the time when you'd blast this town wide open before you'd let Cobb get away with a thing like this. +What's gotten into you, Babe? I remember the time when you'd blast this town wide open before you'd let Cobb get away with a thing like this. Oh, he's not getting away with anything. +Oh, he's not getting away with anything. Listen, Babe - get me some stuff on this guy, and you can have— +Listen, Babe - get me some stuff on this guy, and you can have— Can I have a month's vacation? +Can I have a month's vacation? With pay! +With pay! With pay! +With pay! Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Leave four columns open on the front page tomorrow. +Now you're talking, Babe. I'll keep the whole front page open. What are you going to do? Have lunch. +Cinderella Man! That's sensational, Babe! Sensational! It took some high-powered acting, believe me. +It took some high-powered acting, believe me. Did it? +Did it? I was the world's sweetest ingenue. +I was the world's sweetest ingenue. Is he really that big a sap? +He's the original. There are no carbon copies of that one. Cinderella Man! Babe, you stuck a tag on that hick that'll stick to him the rest of his life. Can you imagine Cobb's face when he reads this? +Cinderella Man! Babe, you stuck a tag on that hick that'll stick to him the rest of his life. Can you imagine Cobb's face when he reads this? If we could sell tickets, we'd make a fortune. +How'd you get the picture? Had the boys follow us. +Had the boys follow us. "Marvelous! ""At two o'clock this morning, Mr. Deeds tied up traffic while he fed a bagful of doughnuts to a horse. When asked why he was doing it, he replied: 'I just wanted to see how many doughnuts this horse would eat before he'd ask for a cup of coffee.'"" Beautiful! What happened after that?" +"Marvelous! ""At two o'clock this morning, Mr. Deeds tied up traffic while he fed a bagful of doughnuts to a horse. When asked why he was doing it, he replied: 'I just wanted to see how many doughnuts this horse would eat before he'd ask for a cup of coffee.'"" Beautiful! What happened after that?" I don't know. I had to duck to get the story out. He was so far along he never even missed me. +I don't know. I had to duck to get the story out. He was so far along he never even missed me. When're you going to see him again? +When're you going to see him again? Tonight, maybe. I'll phone him at noon. Oh, my lunch hour. I'm a stenographer, you know. Mary Dawson. +You're a genius, Babe - a genius! I even moved into Mabel Dawson's apartment - in case old snoopy Cobb might start looking around. +I even moved into Mabel Dawson's apartment - in case old snoopy Cobb might start looking around. Good! Good! Stay there. Don't show your face down here. I'll tell everybody you're on your vacation. They'll never know where the stories are coming from. Stick close to him, Babe - you can get an exclusive story out of him every day for a month. We'll have the other papers crazy. Babe, I could kiss you! +Good! Good! Stay there. Don't show your face down here. I'll tell everybody you're on your vacation. They'll never know where the stories are coming from. Stick close to him, Babe - you can get an exclusive story out of him every day for a month. We'll have the other papers crazy. Babe, I could kiss you! Oh, no. No. Our deal was for a month's vacation - with pay. +Oh, no. No. Our deal was for a month's vacation - with pay. Sure. +Sure. With pay! She is out the door. +With pay! She is out the door. You'll get it, Babe. You'll get it. +What's bothering you, huh? Last night he proposed to me. +Last night he proposed to me. Proposed to you! You mean he asked you to marry him? +Proposed to you! You mean he asked you to marry him? Yes. +Yes. "Why, Babe - that's terrific! ""Cinderella Man Woos Mystery Girl! Who is the Mysterious Girl That—""" +"Why, Babe - that's terrific! ""Cinderella Man Woos Mystery Girl! Who is the Mysterious Girl That—""" Print one line of that, and I'll blow your place up! +Print one line of that, and I'll blow your place up! Sorry, Babe. Sorry. It would have made a swell story. I just got carried away. That's too bad. So he proposed to you, huh? What a twist! You set out to nail him - and he— +Sorry, Babe. Sorry. It would have made a swell story. I just got carried away. That's too bad. So he proposed to you, huh? What a twist! You set out to nail him - and he— Yeah. Funny twist, isn't it? +Yeah. Funny twist, isn't it? Say, you haven't gone and fallen for that mug, have you? +What're you going to do? I'm going to tell him the truth. +I'm going to tell him the truth. Tell him you're Babe Bennett? Tell him you've been making a stooge out of him? +Tell him you're Babe Bennett? Tell him you've been making a stooge out of him? I'm having lunch with him today. He expects an answer. It's going to be pretty. +I'm having lunch with him today. He expects an answer. It's going to be pretty. You're crazy! You can't do that! +He'll probably kick me right down the stairs. I only hope he does. I'll put you on another job. You need never see him again, eh? +I'll put you on another job. You need never see him again, eh? That's the rub. +That's the rub. Oh, as bad as that, huh? +Oh, as bad as that, huh? Telling him is the long shot - I'm going to take it. +This is for you , Mac. The names of all the headwaiters in town. You can always buy a bit of choice scandal from them at reasonable prices. Aw, listen Babe, I can't let you quit now. You're not going through with this thing, are you? +It's for you. In a couple weeks you'll get the itch so bad, you'll be working for nothing. Hello . . . +I suppose it's going to be the same old thing. I tell you that dame's nuts. +I tell you that dame's nuts. Right. +Come on, come on! Hurry up! +It don't look as though we're gonna get any pictures tonight. Babe ought to get him drunk again. +I wonder if they'd want to make it a quartet. Shhh! +Yeah. Mac threw Cobb out again. Boy, was he burning. +Boy, was he burning. Just one little drink - and then we're ready to shoot. +Ow! My foot's asleep! Come on - let's go! +We've got nothing to worry about. He's as naive as a child. John— +John— Close that door. Will you get Mrs. Cedar on the phone, please? +I know, Budington. We can't afford to have the books investigated right now. You must have said that a thousand times already. But what if they fall into somebody else's hands, why - uh— +But what if they fall into somebody else's hands, why - uh— Well, it hasn't happened yet - has it? +Well, it hasn't happened yet - has it? But a half million dollars! My goodness, where are we going to get— +But a half million dollars! My goodness, where are we going to get— Will you stop worrying! It was I who got old man Semple to turn everything over to us, wasn't it? And who got the Power of Attorney from him ! All right, and I'll get it again! I'll take it easy. Those books'll never leave this office. +don't want to be critical, John, but here it is— Yes, I know. A week's gone by and we haven't got the Power of Attorney yet! +Yes, I know. A week's gone by and we haven't got the Power of Attorney yet! Yes, but you said— +Yes, but you said— I don't care what I said. I can't strangle him, can I! +The gentlemen from the opera are still waiting in the board room, sir. They're getting a trifle impatient, sir. They are? I forgot all about them. What do you think they want? +Will you show Mr. Hallor to the front door? Yes, sir. +Cobb's right. I mustn't talk to anybody. Miss Dawson on the phone, sir. +Miss Dawson on the phone, sir. Who? Miss Dawson? +Who? Miss Dawson? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Fine. I'll talk to her. Give me the phone, quick. She's the only one I'm going to talk to from now on. +You try it. Me, sir? +How's it going? Okay? Yes, quite all right. Thank you, sir. +Yes, quite all right. Thank you, sir. Gold, eh? +Gold, eh? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Fourteen carat? +Fourteen carat? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Is that the best you've got? +Is that the best you've got? Oh, yes sir. +Oh, yes sir. Those flowers are too high. Won't be able to see her. Get a smaller bowl, will you? +Those flowers are too high. Won't be able to see her. Get a smaller bowl, will you? A smaller bowl of flowers. +Stuff, sir? That goo. That stuff that tastes like soap. +That goo. That stuff that tastes like soap. Oh, yes, sir. Here it is, sir. The pate de fois gras, sir. +Oh, yes, sir. Here it is, sir. The pate de fois gras, sir. Yeah, that's fine. Have a lot of it because she likes it. +Yeah, that's fine. Have a lot of it because she likes it. Yes, sir. +Sit over there, will you? Me sir? +Me sir? Yes. +How is this, sir? Perfect! Perfect! +Perfect! Perfect! I wish you luck, sir. +I wish you luck, sir. Thank you. Now don't touch a thing. Leave everything as it is. +You can't come up here! Let me go! I wanna see him! +Let me go! I wanna see him! He's not home, I tell you! +He's not home, I tell you! I wanna see that guy! +I wanna see that guy! We'll send for the police! +We'll send for the police! Let me go! +Thank heaven. Better wire him right away, John. +Better wire him right away, John. I'll do no such thing. I'm going there myself. You're going with me too, Anderson - and you too, Cobb. +Come on, John. What happened? The smartest thing I ever did was to make that trip. +Relatives of old man Semple. They keep insisting they should have some nuisance value. +They keep insisting they should have some nuisance value. Nuisance value? +Nuisance value? They say if it hadn't been for Deeds, they'd have gotten all the money. +They say if it hadn't been for Deeds, they'd have gotten all the money. Nuisance value. Maybe they have! Maybe they have! Maybe they have! Mr. and Mrs. Semple, please. How do you do? +Miss Bennett please! This is outrageous! +The Falkner sisters are rather timid, Your Honor, and wish to be together. If the court pleases, I will only have one of them testify. Yes! Yes! Let's get on with it. +Must we have the echo? Suppose you just answer, Miss Jane. Now, will you tell the Court what everybody at home thinks of Longfellow Deeds? +He's what? What was that you said he was? +Your Honor, I object. Proceed. +It's a lie! Mr. Cedar! +Mr. Cedar! Mr. Deeds is drawing on his warped imagination! +You will please permit Mr. Deeds to finish. But your honor— +But your honor— Mr. Cedar! +Newspaperman? Wants to know who the heir is. +Wants to know who the heir is. Hang up. +Hang up. Sorry, Mac, I can't. Yeah, Mac. Sure, but I ain't the attorney— +Sorry, Mac, I can't. Yeah, Mac. Sure, but I ain't the attorney— Hang up. +Mr. Cedar is, and I haven't seen him in two days. Listen, Cedar, we've got to do something about the newspapers. I'm not interested in the newspapers. +I'm not interested in the newspapers. But it's a great story. Somewhere in this country a guy is walking into twenty million bucks. +But it's a great story. Somewhere in this country a guy is walking into twenty million bucks. Yes, I know. My first concern is to locate the lucky man. When I do, it's your job to keep the newspapers away from him. +Yes, I know. My first concern is to locate the lucky man. When I do, it's your job to keep the newspapers away from him. It's okay with me as long as my weekly stipend keeps coming in. +That's pretty. Are you sure this is the town he lives in? +I guess we'd better try somebody else. No, we won't! The next time that jumping jack comes out, I'll straddle him while you ask him your questions. +Yeah. A glorified doormat. Yes. You see, rich people need someone to keep the crowds away. The world's full of pests. Then there's the newspapers to handle. One must know when to seek publicity - and when to avoid it. +I can understand that. We'll take a walk around town, meet you at the train at four o'clock. Congratulations, Mr. Deeds. You're one of the richest men in the country. We'll see you later. Goodbye and thank you. See you later, kid. +I can't find him. You can't? +You can't? I looked everywhere. I even went to his house. It's locked up. +Look! What? +What? That tuba player! +Well, your uncle was Chairman of the Board of Directors. They probably expect you to carry on. I'll tell those mugs to keep their shirts on, that you'll be right down. +Yes? Make three reservations on the first train out to Mandrake Falls, Vermont. +Make three reservations on the first train out to Mandrake Falls, Vermont. Where? +Where? Mandrake Falls. M-A-N— +Charlie, we're off! Papers all set? All set. +All set. Okay, then. Go to it. And, Charlie— +Okay, then. Go to it. And, Charlie— Yeah? +Yeah? Find out who wrote those newspaper articles and subpoena them right away. +Find out who wrote those newspaper articles and subpoena them right away. Okay. +Mr. Longfellow Deeds? Yes. +Yes. How do you do. +How do you do. How do you do. +How do you do. I'm John Cedar - of the New York firm of Cedar, Cedar, Cedar and Budington. +I'd like to ask you a few questions. All right. +Mr. Deeds, are you the son of Dr. Joseph and Mary Deeds? Yes. +Yes. Are your parents living? +Are your parents living? Why, no. +Why, no. Mr. Deeds, does the name of Martin W. Semple mean anything to you? +Mr. Deeds, does the name of Martin W. Semple mean anything to you? Not much. He's an uncle of mine, I think. I never saw him, but my mother's name was Semple, you know. +Not much. He's an uncle of mine, I think. I never saw him, but my mother's name was Semple, you know. Well, he passed on. He was killed in a motor accident in Italy. +Well, he passed on. He was killed in a motor accident in Italy. He was? Gee, that's too bad. If there's anything I can do to— +Perhaps you didn't hear what I said, Mr. Deeds! The whole Semple fortune goes to you! $20,000,000! Oh, yes, I heard you all right. $20,000,000. That's quite a lot, isn't it? +Mr. Cobb here is an ex-newspaperman associated with your uncle for many years - as a sort of buffer. Buffer? +Are you a married man, Mr. Deeds? Who - me? No. +Saving a lady in distress, eh? Well, I suppose we all have dreams like that when we are young. Incidentally, we'd better get started. You'll have to pack. What for? +What for? You're going to New York with us. +You're going to New York with us. When? +Will you have a cigar? No, thank you. +I wouldn't worry if I were you. Of course, a large fortune like this entails a great responsibility - but you'll have a good deal of help. So don't worry. Leave everything to me. Oh, I wasn't worried about that. +Oh, I wasn't worried about that. No? +No? I was wondering where they're going to get another tuba player for the band. +It's merely a suggestion. I don't wish to press the point, Mr. Deeds, but if you'll give me your Power of Attorney we'll take care of everything. It'll save you a lot of petty annoyances. Every shark in town will be trying to sell you something. Oh, yes, there've been a lot of them around here already. Strangest kind of people. Salesmen - politicians - moochers - all want something. I haven't had a minute to myself. Haven't seen Grant's Tomb yet. +Oh, yes, there've been a lot of them around here already. Strangest kind of people. Salesmen - politicians - moochers - all want something. I haven't had a minute to myself. Haven't seen Grant's Tomb yet. Well, you see, your uncle didn't bother with that sort of thing. He left everything to us. He traveled most of the time, and enjoyed himself. You should do the same thing, Mr. Deeds. +Well, you see, your uncle didn't bother with that sort of thing. He left everything to us. He traveled most of the time, and enjoyed himself. You should do the same thing, Mr. Deeds. Besides wanting to be my lawyer, you also want to handle my investments too? +Besides wanting to be my lawyer, you also want to handle my investments too? Yes. That is to say— +Yes. That is to say— Well, outside of your regular fee, how much extra will it cost? +Well, outside of your regular fee, how much extra will it cost? Oh - nothing. No extra charge. +Oh - nothing. No extra charge. That involves a lot of extra work, doesn't it? +That involves a lot of extra work, doesn't it? Yes, but that's an added service a firm like Cedar, Cedar, Cedar and Budington usually donates. +Yes, but that's an added service a firm like Cedar, Cedar, Cedar and Budington usually donates. Budington. Funny, I can't think of a rhyme for Budington yet. +I think you ought to give this matter some thought, Mr. Deeds. Huh? +Huh? I mean, about the Power of Attorney. +I mean, about the Power of Attorney. Oh, yes. Yes, I will. +Why not? Who is he? A lawyer representing some woman with a claim against the estate. Tell him to see me at my office. +A lawyer representing some woman with a claim against the estate. Tell him to see me at my office. Well, if he has a claim, we'd better see him. Send him in. +He's capable of causing you a lot of trouble, Mr. Deeds. How can he make any trouble for me? I haven't done anything. +I can't hold out any longer either, Mr. Deeds. Being an attorney for you will be a very simple affair. You're not my attorney yet, Mr. Cedar. Not till I find out what's on your mind. Suppose you get the books straightened out quick so I can have a look at them. +You're not my attorney yet, Mr. Cedar. Not till I find out what's on your mind. Suppose you get the books straightened out quick so I can have a look at them. Yes, of course, if you wish. But you must be prepared. This sort of thing will be daily routine. If it becomes annoying, you let me know. Goodbye, Mr. Deeds. Goodbye, sir. +Oh, will you come in please, gentlemen? Is Mr. Deeds in? +Is Mr. Deeds in? No - he's over to the park arranging for the bazaar, so's to raise money for the fire engine. Mal, you shoulda knowed he was in the park. +Come in, please. Come in. Can I get you a cup of tea? No, thanks. +No, thanks. Sit down. Sure I couldn't get you a glass of lemonade or something? +Sit down. Sure I couldn't get you a glass of lemonade or something? That's very kind of you. Are you related to him? +That's very kind of you. Are you related to him? No, I'm his housekeeper. +No, I'm his housekeeper. Well, we'd like to find out something about him. What does he do for a living? +Well, we'd like to find out something about him. What does he do for a living? He and Jim Mason own the Tallow Works. But that's not where he makes his money. He makes most of it from his poetry. +Oh, it'll do in a pinch. Yes, indeed. I wonder why he left me all that money? I don't need it. +Cedar, Cedar, Cedar and Budington. Funny, I can't think of a rhyme for Budington. Why should you? +Why should you? Well, whenever I run across a funny name, I always like to poke around for a rhyme. Don't you? +Well, whenever I run across a funny name, I always like to poke around for a rhyme. Don't you? Nah. +Nah. I've got one for Cobb— +I've got one for Cobb— """There once was a man named Cobb, Who kept Semple away from the mob. Came the turn of the tide And Semple - he died - And now poor Cobb's out of a job!""" +"""There once was a man named Cobb, Who kept Semple away from the mob. Came the turn of the tide And Semple - he died - And now poor Cobb's out of a job!""" Sounds like a two weeks' notice to me. +Sounds like a two weeks' notice to me. Huh? +Huh? I've gotten the 'sackaroo' in many ways - but never in rhyme. +I've gotten the 'sackaroo' in many ways - but never in rhyme. Oh, I don't mean that. I'm sure I'm going to need your help. +Oh, I don't mean that. I'm sure I'm going to need your help. Oh, that's different if it's just poetry. +This afternoon - at four o'clock. I don't think we've got any suitcases. +Have a drink? No, thanks. +Thanks Oh, did you send that telegram to Jim Mason? "Jim Mason? Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I didn't send it. I've got it written out, though. Here it is. ""Arthur's been with the Tallow Works too long. STOP. Don't think we should fire him. Longfellow.""" +"Jim Mason? Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I didn't send it. I've got it written out, though. Here it is. ""Arthur's been with the Tallow Works too long. STOP. Don't think we should fire him. Longfellow.""" Fine. Send it right away. I don't want him to fire Arthur. +Fine. Send it right away. I don't want him to fire Arthur. Oh, sure. Sure. We don't want to fire Arthur. +Oh, sure. Sure. We don't want to fire Arthur. He was the last baby my father delivered, Arthur was. +"You'd better get right down there. That opera mob is about to break into the Mad Song from ""Lucia.""[2]" Oh, I don't want to keep them waiting any longer. They're important people. I wish you'd go along with me, Cobb. They're all strangers to me. +Gee, I'm busy. Did the opera people always come here for their meetings? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. That's funny. Why is that? +That's funny. Why is that? Why do mice go where there's cheese?[3] +I can't hold out on you any longer. Lamb bites wolf. Beautiful. Only common sense. +Well, how about tonight? What would you like in the way of entertainment? Entertainment? +Entertainment? Your uncle had a weakness for dark ones, tall and stately. How would you like yours? Dark or fair, tall or short, fat or thin, tough or tender? +Your uncle had a weakness for dark ones, tall and stately. How would you like yours? Dark or fair, tall or short, fat or thin, tough or tender? What're you talking about? +What're you talking about? Women! Ever heard of 'em? +Women! Ever heard of 'em? Oh. +Oh. Name your poison and I'll supply it. +Name your poison and I'll supply it. Some other time, Cobb. Some other time. +Some other time, Cobb. Some other time. Okay, you're the boss. When your blood begins to boil, yell out. I'll be seeing you! +Did you see all this stuff in the papers? Arthur wants to quit! +Arthur wants to quit! Arthur! Who's Arthur? +Arthur! Who's Arthur? He's the shipping clerk at the Tallow Works. Wants a $2 raise - or he'll quit. +He's the shipping clerk at the Tallow Works. Wants a $2 raise - or he'll quit. What do I care about Arthur! Did you see this stuff in the paper? How'd it get in there? What'd you do last night? Who were you talking to? +And what'd you do to those bodyguards? They quit this morning. Said you locked them up. Oh, they insisted on following me. +Oh, they insisted on following me. What do you think bodyguards are for? +What do you think bodyguards are for? "What do they mean by this - ""Cinderella Man!""" +"What do they mean by this - ""Cinderella Man!""" Are those stories true? +"I don't remember. ""Cinderella Man!"" What do they mean by that?" They'd call you anything if you gave them half a chance. They've got you down as a sap. +They'd call you anything if you gave them half a chance. They've got you down as a sap. I think I'll go down and punch this editor on the nose. +I think I'll go down and punch this editor on the nose. No, you don't! Get this clear: Socking people is no solution for anything. +No, you don't! Get this clear: Socking people is no solution for anything. Sometimes it's the only solution. +Sometimes it's the only solution. Not editors. Take my word for it. Not editors! +Not editors. Take my word for it. Not editors! If they're going to poke fun at me, I'm going to— +If they're going to poke fun at me, I'm going to— Listen. Listen, Longfellow. You've got brains, kid. You'll get along swell if you'll only curb your homicidal instincts - and keep your trap shut. Don't talk to anybody! These newshounds are out gunning for you. +Listen. Listen, Longfellow. You've got brains, kid. You'll get along swell if you'll only curb your homicidal instincts - and keep your trap shut. Don't talk to anybody! These newshounds are out gunning for you. "But what about this ""Cinderella Man""?" +"But what about this ""Cinderella Man""?" That's my job. I'll take care of that. I'll keep that stuff out of the papers - if you'll help me. But I can't do anything if you go around talking to people. Will you promise me to be careful from now on? +That's my job. I'll take care of that. I'll keep that stuff out of the papers - if you'll help me. But I can't do anything if you go around talking to people. Will you promise me to be careful from now on? Yes, I guess I'll have to. +Yes, I guess I'll have to. Thank you. If you feel the building rock, it'll be me blasting into this editor. +Just as I suspected, wise guy! I don't mind you making a sap out of yourself - but you made one out of me, too. Will you tell the gentleman I'm not in? +Will you tell the gentleman I'm not in? Mary Dawson, huh? Mary Dawson, my eye. That dame took you for a sleigh ride that New York will laugh about for years. She's the slickest, two- timing, double-crossing— +"She's the star reporter on The Mail. Every time you opened your kisser, you gave her another story. She's the dame who slapped that monicker on you - ""Cinderella Man."" You've been making love to a double dose of cyanide!" Shut up! +You shouldn't be running away like this. What's going to happen to the Estate? They can have the Estate. +What about your knocking off for lunch? Not hungry. I want to get through this work in a hurry, and then I want to go home. What price did you get on those trucks? +Not hungry. I want to get through this work in a hurry, and then I want to go home. What price did you get on those trucks? Come on, come on. What are you trying to do, kid? Keel over? You haven't been out of this house in two weeks. +Come on, come on. What are you trying to do, kid? Keel over? You haven't been out of this house in two weeks. Well, maybe I will have a sandwich. Do you mind waiting a few minutes? +Cobb! Get lunch for the rest of them. What? There must be 2000 of them out there. +What? There must be 2000 of them out there. Well, that doesn't make 'em any less hungry. +Well, that doesn't make 'em any less hungry. Okay, Santa Claus. 2000 lunches. +I'm Chairman? Oh Yes, of course - you've just been elected. +Oh Yes, of course - you've just been elected. I'm Chairman. +Wait a minute. What does the Chairman do? Why, the Chairman presides at the meetings. +Why, the Chairman presides at the meetings. That's what I thought. If you don't mind, I'm rather interested in the Treasurer's report. I'd like to hear it. +You see, Mr. Deeds, the opera is not conducted for profit. It isn't? What is it conducted for? +It isn't? What is it conducted for? Why, it's an artistic institution— +Why, it's an artistic institution— We own an opera house, don't we? +We provide opera. But you charge. I mean, you sell tickets? +That's impossible. The opera has never paid. Well, then, we must give the wrong kind of shows. +The wrong kind! There isn't any wrong or right kind. Opera is opera! I guess it is. But I personally wouldn't care to be head of a business that kept losing money. That wouldn't be common sense. Incidentally, where is the $180,000 coming from? +I guess it is. But I personally wouldn't care to be head of a business that kept losing money. That wouldn't be common sense. Incidentally, where is the $180,000 coming from? Well, we were rather expecting it to come from you. +Well, we were rather expecting it to come from you. Me?! +Me?! Naturally. +Naturally. Excuse me, gentlemen, there's nothing natural about that . +Now, where were we? You see, Mr. Deeds, the opera is not conducted like any ordinary business. +You see, Mr. Deeds, the opera is not conducted like any ordinary business. Why not? +Why not? Because it just isn't a business, that's all! +Because it just isn't a business, that's all! Well, maybe it isn't to you, but it certainly is a business to me, if I have to make up a loss of $180,000. If it's losing that much money, there must be something wrong. Maybe you charge too much. Maybe you're selling bad merchandise. Maybe lots of things. I don't know. You see, I expect to do a lot of good with that money. And I can't afford to put it into anything that I don't look into. That's my decision for the time being, gentlemen. Goodbye, and thank you for making me Chairman. +You remember, Dr. Fosdick, in my last book there are some very fine examples. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Especially, the one of the young nobleman, you remember? +Especially, the one of the young nobleman, you remember? Oh, yes. Yes, of course Dr. Von Holler. Very interesting. +Oh, yes. Yes, of course Dr. Von Holler. Very interesting. It reminds me very much of this one. Nicht wahr? +It reminds me very much of this one. Nicht wahr? Ja. +Ja. It takes so long to detect them— —because their mood changes so often and so quickly. Now, Your Honor, may I show you? May I use the chart? +Let him alone. Let me alone! If you know what's good for you - you'll let me get this off my chest! How did you feel feeding doughnuts to a horse? Get a kick out of it, huh? Got a big laugh? Did you ever think of feeding doughnuts to human beings! No! +Yeah - that's all that's worrying you. What do I want? A chance to feed a wife and kids! I'm a farmer. A job! That's what I want! A farmer, eh! You're a moocher, that's what you are! I wouldn't believe you or anybody else on a stack of bibles! You're a moocher like all the rest of them around here, so get out of here! +A farmer, eh! You're a moocher, that's what you are! I wouldn't believe you or anybody else on a stack of bibles! You're a moocher like all the rest of them around here, so get out of here! Sure - everybody's a moocher to you. A mongrel dog eating out of a garbage pail is a moocher to you! +Here's the order for the plows. We got a good price on them. That's fine. Thanks. I'll look 'em over later. +That's fine. Thanks. I'll look 'em over later. Oh, Mr. Deeds— +—my wife wanted me to tell you she— —she prays for you every night. Well, thanks, I - uh— How do you do? What is your name? +Mrs. Semple? Yes. Your uncle's common-law wife. She has a legal claim on the estate. +I leave it to you, Mr. Deeds. Can you conceive of any court not being in sympathy with any woman who gave up the best years of her life for an old man like your uncle? What kind of wife did you say she was? +What kind of wife did you say she was? Common-law wife. On top of that, there's a child. +Common-law wife. On top of that, there's a child. A child? My uncle's? +A child? My uncle's? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. That's awful. The poor woman should be taken care of immediately. +That's awful. The poor woman should be taken care of immediately. I'm glad to see you're willing to be reasonable, Mr. Deeds. +I'm glad to see you're willing to be reasonable, Mr. Deeds. If she was his wife, she should have all the money. That's only fair. I don't want a penny of it. +Well, what about it, Mr. Deeds? You'll excuse me, won't you? I'll be right back. +Sorry to keep you waiting so long. Those opera people are funny. They wanted me to put up $180,000. What about it, Mr. Deeds? +What about it, Mr. Deeds? Why, I turned them down, naturally. +Why, I turned them down, naturally. No, I mean - about my client. +No, I mean - about my client. Oh - we'll have to do something about the common wife. +Of course, we don't want to appear greedy, Mr. Deeds. Huh? +Huh? I say we don't want to appear greedy. +I say we don't want to appear greedy. Oh. That. +Mrs. Semple is entitled by law to one-third of the estate. And don't ever get down on your knees again, understand? +Mrs. Semple is entitled to one- third of the estate. One-third? That's about $7,000,000 isn't it? +One-third? That's about $7,000,000 isn't it? Well, we didn't expect that much. I'm sure I can get her to settle quietly for one million. +You're making a mistake, Mr. Deeds. Oh no, I'm not. I don't like your face. Besides, there's something fishy about a person who would settle for a million dollars when they can get seven million. I'm surprised that Mr. Cedar, who's supposed to be a smart man, couldn't see through that. +Oh no, I'm not. I don't like your face. Besides, there's something fishy about a person who would settle for a million dollars when they can get seven million. I'm surprised that Mr. Cedar, who's supposed to be a smart man, couldn't see through that. Now wait a minute, buddy— +There's one nice thing about being rich - you ring a bell and things happen. When the servant comes in, Mr. Hallor, I'm going to ask him to show you to the door. Many people don't know where it is. No use in getting tough. That'll get you nowhere, Mr. Deeds. You know, we've got letters. +No - I don't want it, thank you. Why, you must drink! All poets drink! +Well, I don't know. I— Mr. Morrow, over there, for instance, just dashes them off. +Yes. Have you any peculiar characteristics when you are creating? Well, I play the tuba. +No. You mean to tell me you don't carry a pocketful around with you? +Look, he's temperamental. Yeah, what if I am? What about it? +Your Honor— Yes? +Yes? I'd like to get in my two cents' worth. +I'd like to get in my two cents' worth. Take the stand! +Proceed. Well, I don't know where to begin. There's been so many things said about me that I— +A what? An O-filler. You fill in all the spaces in the O's, with your pencil. I was watching you. +Mr. Deeds, do you recall forcibly ejecting people from your home? "Oh, yes. Yes. About my throwing those people out of my house. Mrs. Pomponi told the truth. I did throw them out because I didn't want the party in the first place. I didn't invite anybody. Mrs. Pomponi did all that. They just came to see what kind of a freak the ""Cinderella Man"" was. I don't know how people like that are supposed to act, Your Honor, but if that Pomponi woman is an example, I'll stick to simple folks. She just came in, talked my ear off, and took charge of everything. If I were a friend of hers, I'd have her examined." +Now about the Falkner sisters. That's kind of funny. I mean about Mr. Cedar going all the way to Mandrake Falls to bring them here. Do you mind if I talk to them? Not at all. +Mr. Deeds, you haven't yet touched upon a most important thing. This rather fantastic idea of yours to want to give away your entire fortune. It is, to say the least, most uncommon. Oh yes, I was getting to that, Your Honor. +Please, Mr. Cedar! Proceed. Personally, I don't know what Mr. Cedar's raving about. From what I can see, no matter what system of government we have, there will always be leaders and always be followers. +Anything else, Mr. Deeds? No. Yes. There's just one more thing I'd like to get off my chest before I finish. +No. Yes. There's just one more thing I'd like to get off my chest before I finish. Proceed. +Proceed. Thank you, Your Honor. +Huh? On, no. Nobody important. Be sure and point 'em out to me, won't you? +Be sure and point 'em out to me, won't you? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. I'm a writer myself, you know. +Uh-huh. I write poetry. +I write poetry. Uh-huh. +Brookfield just came in. Oh, the poet? Where? +Oh, the poet? Where? Over at that big round table. The one that looks like a poodle. +Say fellow, you neglected me - and I feel very put out. Look, sock it right there, will you? Lay one right on the button,[6] but sock it hard. That's all right. I got it off my chest. +That's all right. I got it off my chest. The difference between them and me is I know when I've been a skunk. You take me to the nearest news- stand and I'll eat a pack of your postcards raw. Raw! +Oh, what a magnificent deflation of smugness. Pal, you've added ten years to my life! A poet with a straight left and a right hook - delicious! Delicious! You're my guest from now on - forever and a day - even unto eternity! Thanks, but Miss Dawson and I are going out to see the sights. +Thanks, but Miss Dawson and I are going out to see the sights. Fine, fine. Swell, You just showed me a sight lovely to behold, and I'd like to reciprocate. Listen, you hop aboard my magic carpet— —thanks - and I'll show you sights that you've never seen before. +Fine, fine. Swell, You just showed me a sight lovely to behold, and I'd like to reciprocate. Listen, you hop aboard my magic carpet— —thanks - and I'll show you sights that you've never seen before. I'd kind of like to see Grant's Tomb - and the Statue of Liberty. +Well, you'll not only see those, but before the evening's half through, you'll be leaning against the Leaning Tower of Pisa - you'll mount Mt. Everest. I'll show you the Pyramids and all the little Pyramiddes, leaping from sphinx to sphinx. Pal, how would you like to go on a real, old-fashioned binge? Binge? +Binge? Yes. I mean the real McCoy. Listen, you play saloon with me, and I'll introduce you to every wit, every nit-wit, and every half-wit in New York. We'll go on a twister that'll make Omar the soused philosopher of Persia[7] look like an anemic on a goat's milk diet. +That ought to be fun. Fun? Say, listen, I'll take you on a bender that will live in your memory as a thing of beauty and joy forever. Boy! Boy! My headpiece! +Who are they? I don't know. +New mouthpiece. Been waiting two weeks for this. Kids keep swiping them all the time. They use 'em for bean shooters. What can I do for you gentlemen? You gentlemen going to stay for lunch? +How about lunch? Are the gentlemen going to stay - or not? Of course they're going to stay. She's got some fresh orange layer cake. You know, with the thick stuff on the top? Sure, they don't want to go to the hotel. +No, he's too fussy for that. That's what's the matter with him. There are lots of nice girls right here in Mandrake Falls who're dying to be married— Don't pay any attention to her. +Don't pay any attention to her. He's got a lot of foolish notions - about saving a lady in distress. +He's got a lot of foolish notions - about saving a lady in distress. Now you keep out of this! +Well, we could borrow a couple from Mrs. Simpson. You know, she went to Niagara Falls last year. I'm kind of nervous. I've never been away from Mandrake Falls in my life. Kind of like to see Grant's Tomb, though. +Hear what he said? You know how much twenty million is? I don't care how much it is. You sit right there and eat your lunch. You haven't touched a thing. +What is your name? Christian Svenson. +Christian Svenson. Farmer? +Farmer? Yes, ma'am. +Yes, ma'am. Where is your farm? +Where is your farm? South Dakota north. +South Dakota north. South Dakota - north? +South Dakota - north? South Dakota - but on the top. +South Dakota - but on the top. Oh. Oh! +You're Mabel - her sister - aren't you? Huh? Oh, yes - yes, of course. Her sister. Yes, I've been her sister for a long time. +Huh? Oh, yes - yes, of course. Her sister. Yes, I've been her sister for a long time. Is she home? +Is she home? Yeah. What? +Yeah. What? Is Mary home? +You mean— —by the neck or something? Sure. They got on my nerves, so I threw 'em out. +Nice day out - er, nice night - wasn't it? - isn't it? Yes, lovely. We've had a lot of nice weather lately. +Yes, lovely. We've had a lot of nice weather lately. It would be a nice night to go for a walk, don't you think? +It would be a nice night to go for a walk, don't you think? Oh yes, I think it'd be a swell night to go for a walk. A nice long one. +Goodnight. Don't worry. I won't keep her out late. Thank you so much. Good night. +Tails tonight, sir? What - tails? Why, that's a monkey suit![5] Do you want people to laugh at me? I never wore one of those things in my life. +What - tails? Why, that's a monkey suit![5] Do you want people to laugh at me? I never wore one of those things in my life. Yes, sir. +What do you think you're doing? Why, I'm assisting you, sir. +Why, I'm assisting you, sir. Get up from there. I don't want anybody holding the ends of my pants. Get up from there! +Get up from there. I don't want anybody holding the ends of my pants. Get up from there! Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Imagine that - holding the ends of my pants! +No, sir. Excuse me. What did you say? +He talks about women as if they were cattle. Every man to his taste, sir. +Every man to his taste, sir. Tell me, Walter, are all those stories I hear about my uncle true? +Tell me, Walter, are all those stories I hear about my uncle true? Well, sir, he sometimes had as many as twenty in the house at the same time. +Well, sir, he sometimes had as many as twenty in the house at the same time. Twenty! What did he do with them? +Twenty! What did he do with them? That was something I was never able to find out, sir. +Mr. Deeds - Mr. Deeds, sir - you really must get up. It's late! You're Walter, aren't you? +You're Walter, aren't you? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. I just wanted to make sure. +Yes, sir. What's that? +What's that? A Prairie Oyster, sir.[10] +A Prairie Oyster, sir.[10] Prairie? Oysters? +Prairie? Oysters? Yes, sir. It makes the head feel smaller. +Oh. Oh! Has Miss Dawson called yet? Miss Dawson, sir? No, sir. No Miss Dawson has called, sir. +Miss Dawson, sir? No, sir. No Miss Dawson has called, sir. She was a lady in distress. She wouldn't let me help her. Got a lot of pride. I like that. +She was a lady in distress. She wouldn't let me help her. Got a lot of pride. I like that. Oh, I do too, sir. +Oh, I do too, sir. I'd better call her up and apologize. I don't remember taking her home last night. +I'd better call her up and apologize. I don't remember taking her home last night. I'd venture to say, sir, you don't remember much of anything that happened last night, sir. +What do you mean? I remember everything! Hand me my pants - I wrote her phone number on a piece of paper. You have no pants, sir. +You came home last night - without them. I did what! +I did what! As a matter of fact, you came home without any clothes. You were in your - uh - shorts. Yes, sir. +As a matter of fact, you came home without any clothes. You were in your - uh - shorts. Yes, sir. Oh, don't be silly, Walter. I couldn't walk around in the streets without any clothes. I'd be arrested. +Oh, don't be silly, Walter. I couldn't walk around in the streets without any clothes. I'd be arrested. That's what the two policemen said, sir. +That's what the two policemen said, sir. What two policemen? +What two policemen? "The ones who brought you home, sir. They said you and another gentleman kept walking up and down the streets, shouting: ""Back to nature! Clothes are a blight on civilization! Back to nature!""" +Please! But how'll I put on the slipper, sir? +Yes, sir. I beg pardon, sir, but did you ever find what you were looking for, sir? Looking for? +Looking for? You kept searching me last night, sir. Going through my pockets. You said you were looking for a rhyme for Budington. +You kept searching me last night, sir. Going through my pockets. You said you were looking for a rhyme for Budington. Better bring me some coffee, Walter. +Better bring me some coffee, Walter. Very good, sir. Oh, I beg pardon. A telegram came for you, sir. I'll get you some black coffee, sir. +Madame Pomponi is on the telephone, sir. Who? +Who? Madame Pomponi. She says everything is all set for the reception. +Madame Pomponi. She says everything is all set for the reception. What do you mean by coming in here when I'm playing? +What do you mean by coming in here when I'm playing? But she's on the telephone— +But she's on the telephone— Get out. The evil finger's on you. Get out! +Hey, did you hear that? What, sir? +Why, that's an echo, sir! You try it. +You try it. Me, sir? +Me, sir? Yeah. +Yes, sir. What is it, sir? Anything happened3 Anything happened? I've got to get dressed! I can't meet her like this! +Anything happened? I've got to get dressed! I can't meet her like this! But she isn't due for an hour, sir. +But she isn't due for an hour, sir. An hour? What's an hour! You know how time flies, Walter. My tie? Get it. +An hour? What's an hour! You know how time flies, Walter. My tie? Get it. Yes, sir. Very good, sir. Here it is right here, sir. There, sir. +Pack my things, Walter. I'm going home. Yes, sir. +Shall I call the police, sir? No! What do you want!! +What do they want from me? What have I done that's so wrong? They act as though they don't have their own peculiar things... They do! Believe me. Everybody's got something... Even you probably have things. Me more than most. +Me more than most. Why are they ganging up against me? +Why are they ganging up against me? I'm not sure. But I think they're worried about you. +I'm not sure. But I think they're worried about you. It's the kids, you know, not Jeremy. He had nothing to do with this -- except pay, of course. He's always willing to pay. He's extremely generous. I'm so humiliated that my own children would threaten me. +It's the kids, you know, not Jeremy. He had nothing to do with this -- except pay, of course. He's always willing to pay. He's extremely generous. I'm so humiliated that my own children would threaten me. How did they threaten you? +How did they threaten you? They said if I didn't get help, they wouldn't deal with me any more. What do you think about that? +They said if I didn't get help, they wouldn't deal with me any more. What do you think about that? Good kids. +Mmmmfffstttubll abbittmm. Hmm? +I said... you must come out to the house for dinner on Thursday. Really? You think so? +Really? You think so? Yes. Jeremy will be home for the weekend. And you can meet the kids. +-- The argument had nothing to do with it. I understand. I just want to know what the argument was about. +I understand. I just want to know what the argument was about. "I had ordered some books. ""The 100 Greatest Books Ever Written.""" +"I had ordered some books. ""The 100 Greatest Books Ever Written.""" Uh-huh. What are they? +Uh-huh. What are they? Oh, all the great writers -- Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Moby Dick... those people. Each is bound in genuine premium leather with 22 carat gold accents. It's a magnificent set -- and only $33.50 per volume. Right away you get Great Expectations for just $6.99. +Oh, all the great writers -- Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Moby Dick... those people. Each is bound in genuine premium leather with 22 carat gold accents. It's a magnificent set -- and only $33.50 per volume. Right away you get Great Expectations for just $6.99. One hundred books? +One hundred books? It's irrelevant. It had nothing to do with what happened. +It's irrelevant. It had nothing to do with what happened. What happened? +We argued on Sunday. He went to work on Monday and stayed in the city during the week, like always. But on Thursday, when he normally comes home, he didn't. Didn't call either. Not till Saturday afternoon. You must have been concerned. +You must have been concerned. It's happened before. I'm shocked by how little I'm feeling. I can't understand it. I'll probably have a complete depressoid collapse soon, won't I? +It's happened before. I'm shocked by how little I'm feeling. I can't understand it. I'll probably have a complete depressoid collapse soon, won't I? Doubtful. What did he say? +Doubtful. What did he say? "He said he wasn't coming back. He said it wasn't working for him any more. That it hadn't ""worked for him"" for quite a while... You know what I regret the most? I'm sorry I let him make the kids take his name. He was an acquirer. He liked to acquire things." +I know my time's up, but I've got to get this out while I've got hold of it -- Take your time. +Take your time. -- When I was in high school, the thing I wanted most, when I was stuck in class, the thing I was always desperately in pursuit of -- was a hall pass. That's all I wanted. I loved moving freely around the school while everybody else was trapped in there... And that's how I feel right now... Like I have some giant, all- day hall pass. +You can go out there if you like... """There's no shame in getting a little therapy"", right, Doc?" +Dr. Mumford. Mr. Cook. +Mr. Cook. Could you come with me please? +I know I shoulda come to your office. I was gonna, actually, but then when you walked in here today... Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. It's my daughter Sofie... she's gotta problem. +It's my daughter Sofie... she's gotta problem. What's that? +What's that? We're not sure. She's been to all kinds of doctors in the city and they've said different things. Some of 'em are callin' it -- -- Epstein-Barr virus, and the rest are callin' it... Chronic Fatigue Symptom... +We're not sure. She's been to all kinds of doctors in the city and they've said different things. Some of 'em are callin' it -- -- Epstein-Barr virus, and the rest are callin' it... Chronic Fatigue Symptom... Syndrome... Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. +Syndrome... Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. That's it -- syndrome. So you know all about it? +That's it -- syndrome. So you know all about it? No... a little. There's a lot of debate about it. +No... a little. There's a lot of debate about it. Yeah, I got that. Some people think it's all in their heads. It's been so bad she's had to move back here to Mumford and live with us. And I'm not sure that's the best thing, either... +Yeah, I got that. Some people think it's all in their heads. It's been so bad she's had to move back here to Mumford and live with us. And I'm not sure that's the best thing, either... Why's that? +Why's that? Oh... a lot of things. Several different factors. Will you see her, Doctor Mumford? +Oh... a lot of things. Several different factors. Will you see her, Doctor Mumford? Sure. Why don't you bring her up to my office at 3 tomorrow afternoon. +I'm not sure she'll come. She's in a mood. Do you ever go to somebody's house? Generally that doesn't work out so well. It sends the wrong message to people who need to make a change. +Hello, Mr. Cook. I was wondering if Sofie was around? Were you supposed to have a session? +Were you supposed to have a session? No. It's sort of spur of the moment. +Her friend from the city came and took her out to dinner. First time in a long time she's been willing. A friend? +Better make yourself comfortable. We got a three hour drive here. I'm fine. +I'm fine. You're the shrink, aren't you? +You're the shrink, aren't you? No, not really. +No, not really. But you do therapy? +But you do therapy? Not any more. +What an asshole! Ernest, what do you think? +Ernest, what do you think? I think he's got a point. +Thank you. You never got back to me. ...I called to say we'd like to take you out for a meal?... Kind of a professional welcome. +What Ernest means, I think, is we're very interested in other methodology... different kinds of training. We're great believers in learning from each other. I've learned so much from Ern -- Dr. Delbanco... ...And I from Phyllis. +...And I from Phyllis. So... the University of Kentucky. Who runs the program down there? +But they're certainly dead. And yes, personally, I find it a bit odd. It could happen. What about his state certification exams? The records seem to be in order. +You do seem much more disposed toward him than I understand, Ernest. Did I miss something? Oh, for god's sake, Phyllis -- we have no reason to doubt the man! Are we listening to Lionel now? +Phyllis, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout... No, Dr. Delbanco, it is I who am sorry. Sorry to have wasted your time with such... +Dr. Delbanco. It's nice to see you again. I don't think you know Dr. Sheeler. She's the other therapist here in town. +I don't think you know Dr. Sheeler. She's the other therapist here in town. Of course... I've heard great things about you. +What are you doing for lunch? Right now? +I've run on. Forgive me. We're here to talk about you. Are we? +My mentor was an amazing teacher named Benton Mandlebaum. Died quite tragically in the collapse of a gazebo. I think I've heard of him... a disciple of Rothberg, wasn't he? +Interesting approach. What was his name? Dorothy Fowler. Fantastic woman. She passed last year in a train wreck. Damned Amtrak. +We're interested in any new therapies. How would you characterize your approach? My approach? +...I won't go into that today. Though, if we should continue these sessions, as I certainly hope we will, there are some aspects of that I would like to look at. God knows, I've listened to enough people giving me the juicy -- ...At any rate, I just wanted to acknowledge the catalyzing effect your comment had on me. I just hope that it doesn't come roiling back upon you like some dreadful undertow. How do you mean? +Well... you see, when I broke it off with Phyllis, she was naturally upset and she became more determined than ever to pursue certain -- how to put it -- doubts she's been harboring... What kind of doubts? +What kind of doubts? About you... your background and your qualifications. I'm afraid Phyllis somehow got you mixed up in her fury with me, and actually took the whole issue to the state board. +I see. And please, for whatever small way I may have encouraged this, accept my apologies. There is good news, though. +And please, for whatever small way I may have encouraged this, accept my apologies. There is good news, though. What's that? +What's that? Phyllis has decided to leave town and pursue her practice in the city. Which leaves you the only psychologist in town. +Phyllis has decided to leave town and pursue her practice in the city. Which leaves you the only psychologist in town. Dr. Sheeler is leaving Mumford? I'm sorry to hear that. +Dr. Sheeler is leaving Mumford? I'm sorry to hear that. As you can imagine, my own feelings about this are mixed... Unlike, I must say, those of my wife. +I have eighteen more minutes! I don't want to hear any more today. +I don't want to hear any more today. Why not? +Why not? Mr. Follett, do you trust me or don't you? +Mr. Follett, do you trust me or don't you? Well, I don't know... I only been seeing you -- +Well, I don't know... I only been seeing you -- Without trust, there's no point to any of this. You might as well not come. +Without trust, there's no point to any of this. You might as well not come. Now hold on, I didn't say I didn't want to come -- +Now hold on, I didn't say I didn't want to come -- Good, then go. +Or maybe it wasn't an accident at all -- Mr. Follett. +Mr. Follett. -- 'cause in that instant I saw the beginning of a vixen's smile and I knew -- +-- 'cause in that instant I saw the beginning of a vixen's smile and I knew -- Henry! +What? Stop now. +Stop now. Why? I'm paying for this. +Why? I'm paying for this. Not for this. Not me, you're not. +Not for this. Not me, you're not. You find it distasteful, don't you? +You find it distasteful, don't you? It doesn't matter how I feel about it. It's how you feel about it that matters. +It doesn't matter how I feel about it. It's how you feel about it that matters. I enjoy it. Does that make me some kind of pervert? Just because a man has a rich imaginative life -- +I enjoy it. Does that make me some kind of pervert? Just because a man has a rich imaginative life -- You didn't come to me because you have a rich imagination. +You didn't come to me because you have a rich imagination. No? +No? You came because it's taking over. You're in its grip. +You came because it's taking over. You're in its grip. I never said that. +Where's your wife, Henry? Go to hell. +Go to hell. I didn't hear you. +We got divorced. I had to get rid of her. She couldn't satisfy me. What?! +I was... never satisfied. Now we're back on track. +What's that? You are so mean. +What is it? It's a thought I had. +It's a thought I had. Should I open it now? +Let me just say something here... I have no idea if this is going to help. What exactly is it supposed to do? +What exactly is it supposed to do? You remember when I asked you about pornography -- +You remember when I asked you about pornography -- -- I find it degrading. Maximum gynecology and minimum turn-on -- +-- I find it degrading. Maximum gynecology and minimum turn-on -- -- and you told me that. Still, there's some kind of imagery that's haunting you and, I think, getting in your way -- +-- and you told me that. Still, there's some kind of imagery that's haunting you and, I think, getting in your way -- -- Which I don't necessarily agree. +-- Which I don't necessarily agree. But you did come to me. +My guess is these images were burned into your brain when you were young. Maybe if we could nail down the exact fantasies that are haunting you -- maybe you could get past them... Anyway, I thought we could try an experiment. And the experiment is in here? +Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? I want to know what's in here. There's absolutely no reason to think this is going to have any impact on you. I'm embarrassed to have -- +Uh, sorry, I'm going to have to... ...I really appreciate what you're trying to... uh, I can't thank you enough for... My pleasure. +I feel like we're making real progress here. Me too, Doc. And I can't tell you what that package meant to me -- +I didn't see you there. Can I help you? My name's Gilroy. I'm from the State Certification Board. +It's all right, it won't bite you. Under civil code 1294.67b you are entitled to be notified that your status and certification are being reviewed. This is the notice. Do you want to come in? +Do you want to come in? No thanks. Plenty of time for that when we're a little further along. +No thanks. Plenty of time for that when we're a little further along. Mr. Gilroy -- +What brought this on? I'm not at liberty to say. Sometimes it's just routine, sometimes there's been a complaint. We'll be in touch. +You must be Dr. Mumford of Mumford. Jeremy Brockett. Doc. Nice to meet you. +Doc. Nice to meet you. Sorry I'm late... traffic was a motherfucker. Have another drink, I'll be back in five. +I think you'll like this. Know much about Cuban cigars? Nope. +Are you a man who likes to treat himself right? I've had my moments. +I've had my moments. "I am. And I'm not ashamed of it. Nobody ever said on their death bed -- ""I treated myself too well.""" +"I am. And I'm not ashamed of it. Nobody ever said on their death bed -- ""I treated myself too well.""" "I thought it was -- Nobody ever said, ""I should have spent more time at the office.""" +"I thought it was -- Nobody ever said, ""I should have spent more time at the office.""" Fill in the blank. I don't mind the office. The point is, you only go 'round once. Like the Zens say -- Be here now. +Fill in the blank. I don't mind the office. The point is, you only go 'round once. Like the Zens say -- Be here now. What do you do? +What do you do? Althea hasn't told you? +Althea hasn't told you? We've been talking about her, mostly. +We've been talking about her, mostly. Well, in '85 four of us left our firms and formed an investment banking venture. We've got twenty-three people working there now. +Well, in '85 four of us left our firms and formed an investment banking venture. We've got twenty-three people working there now. You've done well. +We've done... very well. You know anything about addiction, Doc? A little. +A little. Well, I'm addicted to winning. I say when you're in the red zone, you gotta score. So what do you think? +Well, I'm addicted to winning. I say when you're in the red zone, you gotta score. So what do you think? Tastes good. +Tastes good. No... I mean about Althea. About her... ...behavior. Do you think you can fix her up? +No... I mean about Althea. About her... ...behavior. Do you think you can fix her up? What do you think's wrong with her? +What do you think's wrong with her? She's gone weird is what's wrong with her. Out of control. Probably from living out here in Mayberry. +You're the doctor, what do you think? She seems very unhappy. +Clarence Norman White, do you understand how serious are the crimes with which you have been charged? I do. +I do. Do you realize how insidious it is to invade the most private thoughts and secret lives of unsuspecting people?... +...People who have come to you with the faith that you know what you're doing... and that you are who you say you are? Yes, your honor. +Yes, your honor. It means absolutely nothing to me that so many of your patients have come forward with praise for you and your therapeutic skills. You understand that? +It means absolutely nothing to me that so many of your patients have come forward with praise for you and your therapeutic skills. You understand that? Yes. +Mr. White, I am frustrated that the criminal code in this state allows a maximum sentence of only six months and a maximum fine of only $2000. I'm sorry, your honor. +I'm sorry, your honor. What? +What? I'm sorry you're frustrated. +I'm sorry you're frustrated. Are you disrespecting this court, Mr. White? +Are you disrespecting this court, Mr. White? No, sir. I was empathizing. Sorry. +No, sir. I was empathizing. Sorry. Maybe you can empathize with this -- Maximum fine. Three months in jail, three months house arrest. Sentence to begin immediately at the Orchard Valley Correctional Facility. Case closed. This court is adjourned. +Yeah... me you, too... I was at your house... Oh? +Oh? Upstairs, with Doc... Yeah, it's very nice... I heard your shower. +I've seen you going by on your board, but I didn't realize -- you're so young... to be so... What? +So, is this like a Japanese restaurant? I'd better get in there. +I'd better get in there. That's a lot of people all at once. +That's a lot of people all at once. It's okay. They pre-order. There's a choice of three entrees. +It's okay. They pre-order. There's a choice of three entrees. What are they? +Meat loaf, turkey quesadillas, or salad nicoise. Salad nicoise? I love salad nicoise. +Salad nicoise? I love salad nicoise. You do? +You do? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, come on in. +You're early... it's not ready. What happened? My patient had to leave early. +My patient had to leave early. Who was that? +"Does the phrase ""nosy"" have any meaning to you, Lily?" I think it's like... inquisitive. +I think it's like... inquisitive. It was Henry Follett. +It was Henry Follett. Man, you see him a lot. And it's very wrong to reveal it. Next you'll be saying what his problem is. +Man, you see him a lot. And it's very wrong to reveal it. Next you'll be saying what his problem is. What do you want to know? +What do you want to know? You're terrible. I'm never telling you anything. +How long you been in this town? Oh, I don't know... +Oh, I don't know... Four months, two and a half weeks -- that's how long. And you've already got more patients than those other two shrinks combined. +Four months, two and a half weeks -- that's how long. And you've already got more patients than those other two shrinks combined. Lily, I don't think even you could know that -- +You know who that is, don't you? You really don't? That's Skip Skipperton, man. He gets himself hit by a truck, this whole town shuts down. Oh, so that's him? The Panda Man. +So, what makes you so popular? What's your secret? You like me. How come? +You like me. How come? Not sure. Let me think about it. +How ya doin', Ainge? Evenin', Lily. Doc. Ainge... +Do we run into the street? No, I didn't think so. Nice car. How's that place? It's a pretty piece of land. +And the Brocketts? Horror show. What'd you do tonight? +Horror show. What'd you do tonight? It was insane here, man. 'Hadda call in the National Guard. Then I did my laundry... watched 20/20. +It was insane here, man. 'Hadda call in the National Guard. Then I did my laundry... watched 20/20. ...And? +...And? Shocking. Did you know the government is wasteful? You heard it here first. Oh, and being a supermodel... it's no walk in the park. +Shocking. Did you know the government is wasteful? You heard it here first. Oh, and being a supermodel... it's no walk in the park. Why do you watch? +Why do you watch? No gentleman caller, Doc. Not that I care. I've had it with men. They're so fascinated by their own crap. Took me four years to get the last one out. Almost turned me into a dyke... These days my idea of a hot date is a long shower by myself before bed. Now that feels good. And you don't have to do all that... listening. +They come through a few times each year. Hello, Mrs. Saito, good to see you again! It's a tour. Where am I supposed to eat? +Where am I supposed to eat? You're on your own today, honey. +Lily, I want you to meet Skip. Skip, Lily. It's a pleasure to meet you. +...so rich? ...so accomplished. +Doc... Lily. +Lily. Doc. +I don't want you to be mad at Skip... He told you. +He told you. Skip and I wouldn't have got together if it weren't for you. That's a big deal. +Skip and I wouldn't have got together if it weren't for you. That's a big deal. You would have met in some shower eventually... +You would have met in some shower eventually... I want to give you something. Will you let me? +I want to give you something. Will you let me? Thanks, Lily, I don't need anything. +Thanks, Lily, I don't need anything. Yes, you do, you damn well do. +Yes, you do, you damn well do. Okay. +Okay. Here it is, some advice -- do the hard thing. +Here it is, some advice -- do the hard thing. That's it? That's what you're giving me? +That's it? That's what you're giving me? Clean up the mess. No matter what it takes. +What it might take is... doing time. Too bad. That's tough, I mean it. I'm not unsympathetic. But Skip says you're in love. +-- you can sit up and look at me if you'd like -- -- maybe it would be helpful if you told me a little about what brought you here. Kind of impatient for a big-time headshrinker, aren't you? How 'bout you let me explain it my own way... +...but it's not really my school -- and this is very interesting -- it's the school from the next district -- -- Go on! +-- you crazy? You can't do this! Sure I can, Lionel. +Sure I can, Lionel. I'm a criminal lawyer -- you think I like my clients? I can't stand most of them! But I don't kick them out... +I'm a criminal lawyer -- you think I like my clients? I can't stand most of them! But I don't kick them out... See that sign -- We retain the right to refuse service to anyone. I'm not going to charge you for this session, but I don't want to see you back here. +Don't you at least have a back door I can use? Come out this way. There's no shame in getting a little therapy... is there, Althea? +Maybe some of us don't need this crap! And it's the Hubble Telescope, not the Himball Telescope. +Hello, Lionel. You've got to have the right ladder for the job. You don't know what you're doing, you can get yourself in trouble. +You've got to have the right ladder for the job. You don't know what you're doing, you can get yourself in trouble. You're right, as usual. See you. +It's a country club. Don't worry about it. Thanks for your help, Lionel. +But you know how to drive? Sure. +Sure. Got a license? But no car? +Got a license? But no car? Don't need it. +Don't need it. I just got my license two weeks ago. +I just got my license two weeks ago. You're good. +You're good. I been drivin' since I was twelve. +I been drivin' since I was twelve. That would explain it. +That would explain it. Can you help Mom? +Can you help Mom? I'm trying. +I'm trying. Got to. +What's wrong with her? Is she a friend of yours? +Is she a friend of yours? No... sort of. Man, she could be cool, but all she does is get wrecked and do all the guys. She's blowin' them in the parking lot. +Hiya, Doc. Martin. +Martin. Did you straighten her out? +How are you? Insane! Didn't ja hear? My family got five hundred times better. Let's go, Vanessa. +Hello, Mother. I want you to meet Dr. Mumford. Mumford... like the town? +What's happening here? We're going for a walk. +We're going for a walk. Do you think that's a good idea? +Do you think that's a good idea? Dr. Mumford does, yes. I've put myself completely in his hands. For today, anyway. +Dr. Mumford does, yes. I've put myself completely in his hands. For today, anyway. What kind of doctor are you? +It'll never happen! You're in big trouble, mister. Mother... go away! +Ph.D., psychologist. Oh... not a real doctor. +Oh... not a real doctor. That's right, the fake kind. +What'd you want? There's something I think we need to talk about. +There's something I think we need to talk about. What? +Finally, some common sense... What do you mean? +What do you mean? I think you know what I mean. +I think you know what I mean. No, I really don't. +No, I really don't. I think you do. +I think you do. Why don't you tell me? +Why don't you tell me? Why don't you go to hell? It's all a bunch of nonsense and you know it. +Well... you see, the problem is -- -- the problem is you're a big fake. You haven't got a clue what's wrong with that girl. +Wow. You're something. Take a hike, Dr. Quack! +Well, look who's here... Good evening, Mrs. Cook. +Good evening, Mrs. Cook. Just who is here, can you tell me? +Just who is here, can you tell me? Could I see Sofie, please? +Could I see Sofie, please? No, you can not. I wouldn't know who to say is calling. +Sofie. It's so obvious... you're after my daughter. Well, I gotta say, Mrs. Cook, you're right about that. +Feel free to lie down. Most people do. I'd better not, I'll fall right to sleep. I think it's too soon for me to be sleeping with you. +What can you tell me about this? Oh, lord. It's almost too exhausting to tell you... ...about my exhaustion. I didn't really want to come. I'm not hopeful right now. But I couldn't take the look on my dad's face. He's a truly kind person, which is pretty extraordinary if you knew the story. He's the opposite of me, I guess -- all stamina and resolve. +When did you start to feel this way? About six months ago, I guess it is now. God, it seems like years. What a bore! I'm embarrassed by it. Before this happened -- when I'd hear people talk about this kind of thing -- I thought it was a bunch of bullshit. +What? You think that now! You think it's a bunch of hooey, don't you? +You think that now! You think it's a bunch of hooey, don't you? No. +No. I saw it. I saw it in your eyes. +"That's okay. Maybe it is. My mother always says -- ""Everything that's wrong with you is in your head."" I suppose that's true." Back when this started, was there anything unusual happening in your life? A change of job, of living situation... a loss of some kind? +Back when this started, was there anything unusual happening in your life? A change of job, of living situation... a loss of some kind? No... but it started one year to the day after my divorce became final. That's not too suspicious, is it?... But it wasn't like I was feeling bad about the divorce. Just the opposite. +No... but it started one year to the day after my divorce became final. That's not too suspicious, is it?... But it wasn't like I was feeling bad about the divorce. Just the opposite. Hmm. +Hmm. Hmm? Is that a professional opinion? +Hmm? Is that a professional opinion? Hmm, as in -- that's interesting. Sometimes, with enough clues, it's possible to figure these things out. +Hmm, as in -- that's interesting. Sometimes, with enough clues, it's possible to figure these things out. Even if you don't think it's real? +Even if you don't think it's real? I don't know what's real and what isn't. That's never been my strong suit. But if you're tired all the time and you've had to give up the life you were having and come back home when you didn't want to... that's worth trying to fix. Maybe I can help you do that. +I don't know what's real and what isn't. That's never been my strong suit. But if you're tired all the time and you've had to give up the life you were having and come back home when you didn't want to... that's worth trying to fix. Maybe I can help you do that. What would you do? +What would you do? We... we would try several things. But I need to see you a lot. +We... we would try several things. But I need to see you a lot. I don't know. I barely made it today. +I don't know. I barely made it today. I'll come to you. We'll try a little walking. +We'll take it slow. You'll never feel you can't handle it. I don't think I can afford it. I don't want my dad paying. +I don't think I can afford it. I don't want my dad paying. We'll work it out. +You have the best answer for everything. You seem so... hopeful. Are you always this sunny? No one ever thought so. You must bring it out. +No one ever thought so. You must bring it out. Is it contagious? 'Cause everyone agrees my immune system's way down. +Is it contagious? 'Cause everyone agrees my immune system's way down. Maybe you'll catch it. +Maybe you'll catch it. Can I ask you something? Didn't you tell my dad you didn't think it was a good idea to come to the patient? So what changed? +I'm not making any promises. We'll turn back anytime you want. +We'll turn back anytime you want. Oh boy... this should be interesting. +Mom's such a cutie. People usually have to get to know me before they hate me. +People usually have to get to know me before they hate me. She's not in a bad mood. She's like that all the time. It doesn't bother me anymore. It's my dad and my brother I worry about. +She's not in a bad mood. She's like that all the time. It doesn't bother me anymore. It's my dad and my brother I worry about. Maybe... but you're the one whose ass is dragging. +Maybe... but you're the one whose ass is dragging. Is that the technical description of what I've got? +Is that the technical description of what I've got? Is she against you getting help? +Is she against you getting help? We don't discuss it. +We don't discuss it. Something's bothering her. +Something's bothering her. "Oh, we've all disappointed her. Me, especially, but Dad, of course. She thinks my brother's all right, but she didn't expect much. It's what happens when you ""marry beneath yourself""..." +Please... forgive me. What? +What? Negative thinking makes everything more difficult. If you're going to have enough strength to do this, we have to talk only about positive things. All right? +Okay then... Are you positive your mother's a bitch? Just kidding. You've got a funny idea of funny. +You've got a funny idea of funny. I've offended you! +I've offended you! No. +No. Really? What would it take? +Is this the treatment? Sorry... I'm done. +Sorry... I'm done. 'Cause I'll tell you, none of the others have tried this approach. +I'm embarrassed. The list is so long. Be specific. +Be specific. Well... I'm tired all the time, obviously. I always feel like taking a nap. But when I try to sleep, I have trouble. My muscles ache. And my joints. I feel like an old person, or like I did back when I used to work out too hard... What else?... +Sore throat? Uh-huh. +Painful lymph glands? Forget fulness... irritability... depression? Yes, yes, and definitely yes. Also... I get confused. +Yes, yes, and definitely yes. Also... I get confused. Yeah, most people have that. It's confusing here. +Yeah, most people have that. It's confusing here. Where? +Where? Life. +I don't know if I mentioned the headaches. Did you get headaches before this? But you get more now? Or more severe? +Did you get headaches before this? But you get more now? Or more severe? No, not really. They're about the same. My marriage was one long headache. +No, not really. They're about the same. My marriage was one long headache. So the headaches may not even be a part of this? +I can give myself a headache instantly. Is that like a party trick? +Is that like a party trick? All I have to do is have two conflicting thoughts at the same time... Like I'll think -- 'Taking these walks is going to help Sofie get better.' But then I'll also think -- 'Mumford, you just enjoy taking these walks and you're kidding yourself about the benefits.' +There... I've given myself a real whopper. You actually address yourself by name in your thoughts? So you really think having two opposing ideas in your head does some kind of damage? +You actually address yourself by name in your thoughts? So you really think having two opposing ideas in your head does some kind of damage? Sometimes, yeah... pulling in two different directions at once. It makes tiny little tears in our fabric. +Sometimes, yeah... pulling in two different directions at once. It makes tiny little tears in our fabric. Well then, my life has been some kind of huge rip. +You're doing great. I don't know if I'm going to make it the whole way. +I don't know if I'm going to make it the whole way. It doesn't matter. Go on. +It doesn't matter. Go on. Oh... this makes me sound irrational, which is probably right, but there was something about him saying this -- it was maybe the millionth time he'd told me about some preference of his. Well, I was so... tired of it. Seems like my whole life someone's been telling me... I'm just not getting it right. Can we rest for a second? +You're purposely making me talk while we do this... ...because you think this is good for me... ...and you're a sadistic bastard... Yes. +Yes. ...who thinks there's nothing really wrong with me. +...who thinks there's nothing really wrong with me. Oh, there's something wrong with you, all right. Especially after hearing that dream of yours, about the Roto-Rooter. +That was really bad, wasn't it? Disgusting. +Disgusting. And I'll bet you can interpret the whole thing +And I'll bet you can interpret the whole thing It's pretty obvious to a trained professional. +Is that when you split up? No, that'd be a good story, but that was just the beginning of the end. We went on for another year or so. +So whose route is this? Brady Peck's. Fourteen years old. Lives next door. +Brady Peck's. Fourteen years old. Lives next door. And he's where? +And he's where? In the capitol for Boy's Nation. Five days. Why? +In the capitol for Boy's Nation. Five days. Why? I'm thinking a gal could make a good living doing this. How hard could it be squeezing out some fourteen year old? +I'm thinking a gal could make a good living doing this. How hard could it be squeezing out some fourteen year old? You like it? +You like it? It's all right. +It's all right. Then you can expect me at 5:30 tomorrow morning. +Then you can expect me at 5:30 tomorrow morning. And this is legitimate therapy? +And this is legitimate therapy? Therapy? Hell no, I just don't want to do it alone. +When I was in high school we used to come up here and make out. I liked to sit on the rock and watch the sun go down. That's what I like. +That's what I like. Which thing? +Which thing? Either one. +Either one. Why'd you come to the house the other night? +Why'd you come to the house the other night? I thought I had something to tell you. But it turned out I didn't. +I thought I had something to tell you. But it turned out I didn't. My brother said you were about to fire me. +My brother said you were about to fire me. That's one way to put it. +That's one way to put it. I bet I know what changed your mind... ...My mother. She was so horrible, you decided you couldn't desert me. +I bet I know what changed your mind... ...My mother. She was so horrible, you decided you couldn't desert me. I thought only action movies had villains like that. +-- you've been a tremendous help to me. Yeah? +Yeah? I can't tell you how much I admire you. You have a wonderful way with people. And you're very insightful. I feel like you've seen me clearly... I never used to admit what a horrible person my mother was. You've made that possible for me. +I can't tell you how much I admire you. You have a wonderful way with people. And you're very insightful. I feel like you've seen me clearly... I never used to admit what a horrible person my mother was. You've made that possible for me. That's... good? +That's... good? Yes! And my ex-husband -- he never accepted me for who I was, just like Mother. The things you've said have helped me understand what a dick he is. +Yes! And my ex-husband -- he never accepted me for who I was, just like Mother. The things you've said have helped me understand what a dick he is. I don't know if -- +I don't know if -- You're shockingly honest, that's what makes you great. I've never had a man treat me this way. With you, I feel really... listened to. Can I tell you something? It's a little embarrassing, but I feel very unguarded with you. +You're shockingly honest, that's what makes you great. I've never had a man treat me this way. With you, I feel really... listened to. Can I tell you something? It's a little embarrassing, but I feel very unguarded with you. Of course. +Of course. Thanks to this therapy, I now know what I'm looking for. I need to find a man like you. Not one who's treating me, of course. And I'm going to do it, dammit! You've given me the confidence. +I need to talk to you... Doctor. Can I come in? Of course. +It might've been more appropriate if we had followed a traditional approach to the doctor-patient relationship. Is something wrong, Sofie? +Is something wrong, Sofie? Yes, something's very wrong, Dr. Mumford. +Yes, something's very wrong, Dr. Mumford. You're upset. +You're upset. How intuitive! That must take years of training right there. Maybe you can guess what has upset me. +Is it something you've heard about me? No, it is not something I've heard about you! It is someth-- Why? Is there something I should have heard about you? +No, it is not something I've heard about you! It is someth-- Why? Is there something I should have heard about you? Why don't you tell me what's on your mind? +All right... I'm going to come right out and say this, because that's what your shrink is for, right, so you can tell him what's bothering you? Um-huh. +Um-huh. First of all, I have been feeling much better lately. I don't know if the syndrome is over -- if it's just run its course or something -- but I feel a hundred per cent better than when I first came to you. +First of all, I have been feeling much better lately. I don't know if the syndrome is over -- if it's just run its course or something -- but I feel a hundred per cent better than when I first came to you. I'm glad. +I'm glad. Given that, I'm obviously not going to be judging things in the most realistic way. +Given that, I'm obviously not going to be judging things in the most realistic way. I don't follow you. +I don't follow you. I'm saying that since I'm doing so much better -- which I attribute to you -- I'm liable to misinterpret some of my feelings. +I'm saying that since I'm doing so much better -- which I attribute to you -- I'm liable to misinterpret some of my feelings. Okay... +Okay... The point is this -- I am not a blank page. I did not just fall off the turnip truck. Do you know what I mean? +The point is this -- I am not a blank page. I did not just fall off the turnip truck. Do you know what I mean? I think so. +I think so. I know a little about psychology. I took three different courses in college. It's true, none of them were above the two hundred level, but I took them... And there was one concept I remember very well. +I know a little about psychology. I took three different courses in college. It's true, none of them were above the two hundred level, but I took them... And there was one concept I remember very well. What was that? +What was that? Transference! +Transference! Transference. +Transference. Yes, and that is what I have got right now. I have taken my feelings of gratitude... and relief... and transferred them onto... you. I have taken all those warm, grateful emotions and confused them with feelings for you... So that now I am under the delusion... ...that I am in love with you. +Hello? Hello. +Hello. I think you can understand why I have some serious questions about your methods. I mean, obviously it becomes much more likely that I'm going to have confusion about this when your idea of treatment is to go walking in the woods and up to make- outs-ville and do all these highly romantic activities -- +Mother... What do you think I'm after, Mrs. Cook? +I guess you saw the show...? Which show was that? +Which show was that? Sofie... +Sofie... "Part of it. We were watching ""ER"" until someone called." +"Part of it. We were watching ""ER"" until someone called." You probably got the idea. +...How violated I feel? You're not the only one... +You feel violated? Not me... all my other my patients. I smelled tar and feathers on the way over here. +Not me... all my other my patients. I smelled tar and feathers on the way over here. You deserve it. +I am irate! But... +But... But nothing... I'm mad as hell. This is a terrible thing you've done. +But nothing... I'm mad as hell. This is a terrible thing you've done. I know it! Please believe me, I know that... +But, there is one... mitigating factor I want you to consider before you write me off. What? +What? Will you think about it? +Will you think about it? I don't know. Depends. I'm in a bad mood. +I don't know. Depends. I'm in a bad mood. I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone or anything in my life. +Oh. I want to spend the rest of my life with you... but I'm not sure you feel the same way. +...but first, you have to tell me something... Anything... just ask. +Anything... just ask. What is your name? +You got off easy. Will you wait for me? +Will you wait for me? We're only talking about six weeks. +We're only talking about six weeks. Will you be here? +Will you be here? Of course... I haven't got the energy to get out of town that fast. +"...so he already had the tattoo that said, ""Naomi Forever""... and now they're broken up, see, and he has to have it removed. But while the scar is still healing, or whatever you call it when you have a tattoo removed, he meets Chandra. And it's serious, immediate love. So in no time, he's gone from the most gorgeous model in the world to the most gorgeous actress in North America." "What do you mean, ""in no time""?" +"What do you mean, ""in no time""?" In maybe three or four issues. +In maybe three or four issues. Weekly or monthly? +Weekly or monthly? Monthly! God, how shallow do you think Brad is? Why do I waste my time telling you this stuff? +Monthly! God, how shallow do you think Brad is? Why do I waste my time telling you this stuff? Why do you think you tell me, Nessa? +Why do you think you tell me, Nessa? Don't do that thing... ...that shrink thing. +Don't do that thing... ...that shrink thing. It's a big part of the show. +The school board doesn't pay you? What kind of deal is that? It's called pro bono. +It's called pro bono. Pro boner? Pro bono, huh? For whose good, supposedly? +Pro boner? Pro bono, huh? For whose good, supposedly? It's my bit for the community. +It's my bit for the community. "Fuck the community. There was this article my friends and I read. It was ""25 Signs He's Great in Bed"". It was very fascinating." +"Fuck the community. There was this article my friends and I read. It was ""25 Signs He's Great in Bed"". It was very fascinating." Where was this? +Where was this? "Where?... The New York Times. The first one was -- ""he handles produce well."" Which we already knew! The point is, you have a lot of the signs." +"Where?... The New York Times. The first one was -- ""he handles produce well."" Which we already knew! The point is, you have a lot of the signs." You been spying on me in the supermarket, Nessa? +You been spying on me in the supermarket, Nessa? Have women found you attractive? +I knew you wouldn't answer. I've been thinking about what you said last time. How me trying to lose weight -- and constantly not -- is like a lot of people with addictions. How maybe I can't lose the weight, ever... Which we already knew... That's not quite what I said -- +That's not quite what I said -- It's a really weird thing for a shrink to say... and then you said maybe people'd be happier if they'd accept that some things don't change -- that it'd be some kind of a relief or something... +Isn't she amazing? That is such a wicked look. What do you want me to see? +What do you want me to see? Just chill for a second. Look at this guy, it appears he's actually dead... but gorgeous. +What are you doing? We're not done. I just need to find the thing... If you don't want to have a session today, it's okay. +If you don't want to have a session today, it's okay. I want to have the session. I thought it would be cool if I could show you some of the things that interest me. But I guess you're not into it... which we already knew. +I want to have the session. I thought it would be cool if I could show you some of the things that interest me. But I guess you're not into it... which we already knew. What happened today? +What happened today? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Was it something that happened at school? +Was it something that happened at school? These appointments were not my idea, remember. +These appointments were not my idea, remember. True. Should we stop them? +I don't think you know what you're talking about. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. This shrink school you went to... did you hear about it on an infomercial? +There's this kid at school... Martin Brockett. He has some gigantic idea of himself that no one else shares. You wouldn't believe the crap he lays on me... Who appointed him my spiritual leader? If he has everything so figured out how come his best friend is a .22 rifle? And why's he spend all his time chasing after me? Probably thinks I'm gonna give him a hummer... Do you think that's what he wants? +Do you think that's what he wants? No. I don't know what he wants. But I know I don't like being watched. Nobody's ever paid any attention to what I did, and I liked it just fine. Where does he get off telling me I disrespect myself? Fuck him. Look in a mirror, bozo. +"...I mean, Doc, the dude is seriously deluded. I said that to him, I said, ""If you think I'm gonna do all that shit for you, man, you are seriously deluded.""" What'd he say? +What'd he say? "He said -- ""Which we already knew!""" +What did he want you to do? First off, he tells me to stop smoking cigarettes. I told him abso-fuckin'- lutely no. As you can see -- +...What balls on this guy? What're we... ...going steady? Jesus. No again? +No again? I said I'd consider it. Nobody owns me. And the last thing was insane. I don't know what's wrong with him... No magazines. +I said I'd consider it. Nobody owns me. And the last thing was insane. I don't know what's wrong with him... No magazines. Really? +Really? I don't know if I can quit. We're gonna try it together, like, you know, AA or something. And I made him give up his .22. No more sneaking around the hills with his fucking nut gun like some loony tune. +I don't know if I can quit. We're gonna try it together, like, you know, AA or something. And I made him give up his .22. No more sneaking around the hills with his fucking nut gun like some loony tune. He agreed? +He agreed? He's pitiful, Doc, a goddam puppy. I don't know how much longer I can put up with it. I already got two arms and legs, I don't need another appendage. +You're Doc Mumford. Skip Skipperton. How are you? +How are you? Fine. Okay. Pretty good. I've been hoping we'd meet. I've heard a lot about you. +"...""Find the need and fill it"" my dad used to say -- I guess a lot of dads say that -- but I did and it just took off." No kidding... Panda. Where'd that come from? +No kidding... Panda. Where'd that come from? Panda? I've always liked giant pandas... I've been to China and seen them in the wild. That's the kind of thing I can do if I want... now. I can do pretty much anything I want to do these days. +Would you like another beer? Nah... scotch. +Nah... scotch. Far out. Single malt? Can I pick it? +Can I ask you a personal question? Of course! That's exactly what I want. +Of course! That's exactly what I want. Have you thought about getting a wife? +I gotta pee. Can I ask you something? This town is called Mumford... Been that way since... 18... 18-0... 18-0... ...thirteen! Right? Now here's the question -- Your name is Mumford, too. Is that the question? +Is that the question? You moved here from back East and your name is the same as this town. Is that right? Far out. +I hope you don't think I want you to do this for free. Just because we're gonna play it like we're friends, doesn't mean I won't pay you like a doctor. I understand. +I understand. I have a lot of money. Do you know how much money I've got? +I have a lot of money. Do you know how much money I've got? Don't tell me, 'cause I'm not going to tell you what I've got. +Don't tell me, 'cause I'm not going to tell you what I've got. I've got three big ones. +I've got three big ones. I'm impressed. I couldn't make three million dollars if I lived three lifetimes. +I'm impressed. I couldn't make three million dollars if I lived three lifetimes. No, no... I have three billion dollars. +This is great! This is exactly what I wanted. +This is exactly what I wanted. Skip, you must have lots of people you can throw a ball with. +Skip, you must have lots of people you can throw a ball with. You'd be surprised. Most guys have kids or wives or girlfriends. They're busy. It's not as easy as you think. +You'd be surprised. Most guys have kids or wives or girlfriends. They're busy. It's not as easy as you think. Skip, you're the head of the whole deal here. Are they busier than you? +Skip, you're the head of the whole deal here. Are they busier than you? Well, you know... that's the thing. Like I said, just about everybody in town works for me. And it's just not the same asking someone to throw a ball when they work for you. It's like an order or something... And no one -- no one -- asks me. +So, would you say we're out here... let me think how to put this... Is your problem really that you're... lonely? Don't you like this? +Don't you like this? Hell yes, I like it. What's better than this? Most guys would kill just to have someone do this with them whenever they like. +Hell yes, I like it. What's better than this? Most guys would kill just to have someone do this with them whenever they like. Okay then. Have you got a lot of friends? +Okay then. Have you got a lot of friends? Lily and I talk a bit. You know Lily, runs the coffee shop? +Lily and I talk a bit. You know Lily, runs the coffee shop? No... I've seen her. Good-looking woman. +No... I've seen her. Good-looking woman. She's probably ten years older than you. +She's probably ten years older than you. Good-looking woman. +Good-looking woman. Lives downstairs from me. She's got a great dog named for Danny Ainge. +Lives downstairs from me. She's got a great dog named for Danny Ainge. Really? I'm the only person I know that likes Danny Ainge, outside of Celtic fans. Maybe Phoenix. +Really? I'm the only person I know that likes Danny Ainge, outside of Celtic fans. Maybe Phoenix. Well, there's Lily. +Well, there's Lily. Did you know that Danny Ainge was drafted by the Blue Jays? Do you know what kind of athlete you have to be to play in the NBA and in the bigs? +Did you know that Danny Ainge was drafted by the Blue Jays? Do you know what kind of athlete you have to be to play in the NBA and in the bigs? Amazing. +Amazing. Unbelievable... ...And Lily named her dog after him? Far out. +Unbelievable... ...And Lily named her dog after him? Far out. What kind of person do you have to be to do this? +What? This -- +So I guess Henry Follett is a patient of yours. He's my pharmacist. Yeah. Guy's got some serious sex fantasies. +Pretty good, too. Lots of detail. Nothing hard core. Old-fashioned ones, from back when people cared about atmosphere and character. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Problem is, his fantasy life's a lot better than his real one. Nothing can live up to it. His wife got sick of it and left him. Took his kids with her. +Problem is, his fantasy life's a lot better than his real one. Nothing can live up to it. His wife got sick of it and left him. Took his kids with her. I wondered what happened to her... +Hey, Skip. Doc. I know we're not supposed to get together till Wednesday... +Doc. I know we're not supposed to get together till Wednesday... That's all right. What's on your mind? +How many sessions have we had now, Doc? Six. And it's been good... like we were two buddies hanging out. Just shootin' the shit. Yep. +I want to tell you something, Doc, but before I do, I need to ask you a question... Because, for me to tell you this thing -- well, I haven't told anybody about this. It's the biggest secret I've got. Sometimes it's best to keep a few things just for ourselves. +Sometimes it's best to keep a few things just for ourselves. You're a shrink, Doc. Aren't I supposed to be able to tell you everything? +You're a shrink, Doc. Aren't I supposed to be able to tell you everything? It's just a thought. +Hey, maybe that's all right! I don't know all that much about psychology or therapy or... ethics, so maybe there's something I missed... or something... You're concerned that maybe I can't be trusted with a secret. +You're concerned that maybe I can't be trusted with a secret. I trust you. Definitely. No question. But, yeah, I'm a little concerned. I mean, you're not supposed to tell anyone about your patients' problems... are you? +Yeah, well... what I was gonna tell you -- -- Skip. Knowing what you do about me -- +-- Skip. Knowing what you do about me -- Doc, I trust you! You've listened to me better than anybody... maybe ever. And this secret I've got, I can't stand it anymore. I don't know if I'm some kind of -- +All right, I'm just gonna tell you, as simple and direct as I can. And you understand that this is a big secret? Just between us? Okay. You know I've got this gift for certain kinds of... machines. You are Panda, monarch of modems. +You are Panda, monarch of modems. That's right. And you also know that even though I make 23% of the modems in the world... I cannot make one simple connection with any woman who could truly love me. +That's right. And you also know that even though I make 23% of the modems in the world... I cannot make one simple connection with any woman who could truly love me. Okay... let's say that, for now. +Okay... let's say that, for now. It's true, believe me. So... do you know what I've been doing, all alone, in my workshop, for almost two years?... Mr. Find-the-Need-and-Fill- It. How I spend my every solitary hour? +Guess. Go ahead, guess! Jerking off? +Jerking off? No!... Although that's a good guess. No, what I've been working on, what the world really needs and no one has been able to create -- -- a virtually life-like, humanoid, gender-specific, anatomically functional... sexual surrogate slash companion. +Slash what? Sexual surrogate... slash... companion. +Sexual surrogate... slash... companion. A doll? +A doll? No, Doc, not a doll. I am Panda. I'm talking about much, much more than a doll. The world has never seen what I'm talking about... except maybe in the movies. +How's it coming? You don't think I'm insane? +You don't think I'm insane? And that's your secret? You meant -- like a trade secret? +And that's your secret? You meant -- like a trade secret? No, Doc, a private secret! It's perverted, it's pitiful. What am I -- Dr. Frankenstein? Aren't you repulsed? +No, Doc, a private secret! It's perverted, it's pitiful. What am I -- Dr. Frankenstein? Aren't you repulsed? Sounds like kind of a good idea. +Sounds like kind of a good idea. Really? +Really? Definitely. +Skip, that's not much of a secret. It's not? +It's not? Oh, it's okay. It's just not something to be ashamed of. Maybe you don't want people knowing -- and believe me, it's safe with me -- but on the scale of dirty little secrets, I'd give it, say... a two. +Who else knows? Just you. +Just you. It's time you did some talkin', Dr. Mum -- Wait a minute. That is your name, isn't it? +Damn! What is your name? Doesn't matter. You can call me Doc. +Doesn't matter. You can call me Doc. It matters to me. +I've told you a lot of private stuff. I can tell you anything else. +I can tell you anything else. What about everything? How did this happen? +But there was one job that looked like it might be fun -- Investigator. Are you telling me your last job before becoming a psychologist was -- +-- an investigator for the Internal Revenue Service? Everybody has a story, Skip. +Everybody has a story, Skip. Sounds like you have several. +Sounds like you have several. What it felt like was... a series of separate, unconnected lives -- hillbilly kid, wrecked college boy, garbage man, civil service guy... ...et cetera... et cetera. Every time I'd leave a life, it felt good. Whatever problems I was having were suddenly gone. I had no friends and I didn't talk to my family. The only constant, stabilizing force in my life was... drugs. +What it felt like was... a series of separate, unconnected lives -- hillbilly kid, wrecked college boy, garbage man, civil service guy... ...et cetera... et cetera. Every time I'd leave a life, it felt good. Whatever problems I was having were suddenly gone. I had no friends and I didn't talk to my family. The only constant, stabilizing force in my life was... drugs. An IRS investigator with a drug problem? +An IRS investigator with a drug problem? It wasn't the best situation. +It wasn't the best situation. Did you carry a gun? +Did you carry a gun? Didn't need one. We didn't even need a warrant for most of the shit we did. Man, the IRS... we could go in your bank account, your credit cards... hell, we used to go into doctors' files and get all the juicy details. Nobody wants to argue with the IRS. +Of course, him being insane didn't make it all right that I fell in love with his wife. Holy shit! +"""Get to know your therapist.""" You were messed up, man. +You were messed up, man. But look at me now... +But look at me now... Hey, you've done good. Look at yourself... you've cleaned up, you've got a career -- +At least you pulled yourself out... Things got a lot worse. +Things got a lot worse. You and Candy...? +And the drugs? Harder than I thought. Took me three tries. But I was highly motivated -- figured there was no point in leaving me and taking that along. After two bomb-outs, I found a place in the desert... +Somebody's taking a shower down there. That'd be Lily. +That'd be Lily. I wish I could live in the shower. I'd take five a day if I had the time. I went to this spa in Germany, a sanitarium practically, up on this mountain. And the great thing -- they just kept you wet all day. +I wish I could live in the shower. I'd take five a day if I had the time. I went to this spa in Germany, a sanitarium practically, up on this mountain. And the great thing -- they just kept you wet all day. Who'd you go with? That's not good. +Who'd you go with? That's not good. How'd you do it? The new you. +How'd you do it? The new you. You know how easy it is. A kid can manage it if he wants a fake I.D. You can do practically the whole deal at your local Kinko's. The only variable is how much pride you take in the product. +You know how easy it is. A kid can manage it if he wants a fake I.D. You can do practically the whole deal at your local Kinko's. The only variable is how much pride you take in the product. I know it starts with a birth certificate... +I know it starts with a birth certificate... All new people start with that... +What about it? """Mumford""... I mean, why pick the name of the town you were going to?" +"""Mumford""... I mean, why pick the name of the town you were going to?" Oh. You got it backwards. I already had the name when I started looking for somewhere to settle. When I saw this town on a map, I thought maybe it was a sign. See... +And a birth certificate is enough? Everything flows from that, and what doesn't... can be easily purchased. +But you studied psychology, right? You did the training and just never got the degree? No... no training. +No... no training. Psych major? +Psych major? English Lit. +English Lit. Jeez, man. But you're good at it! +Jeez, man. But you're good at it! I understand what it's like to want to leave a problem behind. That's all most people are looking to do. Mainly, I listen. +Where ya going? I've got a million questions. See you Thursday... regular time. +I've never brought anyone down here before. I'm honored. +I'm honored. Doc, there's something about what you told me the other night I can't get out of my head. It's driving me batty -- Why me? How did you know you could trust me? +Doc, there's something about what you told me the other night I can't get out of my head. It's driving me batty -- Why me? How did you know you could trust me? You're completely reliable. +Skip, I've got a problem and I need some advice. You want my advice? Far out! +Pretty creepy, huh? Are you totally disgusted? Skip, you're a visionary. That can be a burden. +Skip, you're a visionary. That can be a burden. This doesn't seem a little... perverse? +This doesn't seem a little... perverse? There are a lot of lonely people in the world. Somebody's gonna figure this out someday. +There are a lot of lonely people in the world. Somebody's gonna figure this out someday. It's not going to be me. I'm giving it up. +It's not going to be me. I'm giving it up. Really? +Really? It's all your fault. In the last 48 hours, I've completely lost interest. +It's all your fault. In the last 48 hours, I've completely lost interest. What'd I do? +Lily. Lily... ...Skip, that's great! You and Lily. +Lily... ...Skip, that's great! You and Lily. Oh, she doesn't know about it yet. Right now, of the two of us, I'm the only one in love. But I'm very stoked. +Sorry... Wow. +I'm here for you, Doc. Skip, you know that it's improper -- completely unethical -- for a licensed psychologist to carry on a romantic relationship with one of his patients? +Skip, you know that it's improper -- completely unethical -- for a licensed psychologist to carry on a romantic relationship with one of his patients? I guess that makes sense. +I guess that makes sense. Yes, yes it does... +Doc!... It's not me, is it? What? +Hmm. I guess that doesn't help... I see where you're going here. It's a mess. Yep. +Forgive me, please. What a gracious thought. We must do that. When? +When? Why don't I call you when I've got my calendar in front of me? +It's possible. I don't know about that. I suppose your extended training was at an institution in that area? +I suppose your extended training was at an institution in that area? Lots of institutions. My graduate advisor believed we should experience as many environments as possible -- prisons, clinics, half-way houses. For a while I was chief therapist in a shopping mall. Had a little spot next to the yogurt place. +I trained in the east, myself -- Cornell -- and I don't care what anyone says, there really are regional differences. I found the state certification exams out here quite harrowing... Did you? Oh, yeah, very tough. But I guess that's good... to keep out the quacks. +Oh, yeah, very tough. But I guess that's good... to keep out the quacks. Which examiner did you have? I probably know him. +Which examiner did you have? I probably know him. Wallace Franklin... from Greensburg. +That was a terrible thing. I don't even know why hang-gliding is considered a legitimate sport. +Yes... your particular approach. I don't have one really. Most of the time I'm faking it. See, I think there's not much that can be done about most problems... they're too complicated, too deep-rooted by the time I hear about them. The most I can do, usually, is look and listen real closely, try to catch some glimpse of the secret life everybody's got. If I can get a sense of that, well then, maybe... just maybe, I can help them out a little. +I told you to leave or die, you refused, and now you may have killed us all. For you have unleashed the creature that we have feared for more than four thousand years. Relax, I got him. +Relax, I got him. No mortal weapons can kill this creature. He is not of this world. +No mortal weapons can kill this creature. He is not of this world. Are we talkin, about the same creature? The walking corpse? Really big mouth? Really bad breath? +You know where he's taking her? Yes. To Hamunaptra. To perform the ritual. +Who the hell are these guys? Priests. Imhotep's priests. +I never killed a priest before. They are evil, cursed, they matter not. +They are evil, cursed, they matter not. Well, okay then. +We saved him! Saved him before the creature could finish his work. Now leave, all of you, quickly, before he finishes you all. You're not going to kill us? +And what ritual would that be? The ritual to bring the body of Anck- su-namun back to life. +The ritual to bring the body of Anck- su-namun back to life. And how does one do that? +And how does one do that? By reading the Book Of The Dead. +By reading the Book Of The Dead. Oh yes, of course. +Oh yes, of course. And then killing your sister. +And then killing your sister. Excuse me? +If he arrives before us, it will be too late. Did you say 'kill' my sister? +Personally, I would like to surrender. Why can we not just surrender? Shut-up and gimme your bandolier. +Now go find me a big stick. In the desert? What for? +How'd a guy like you end up in the Legion anyways? I got caught robbing a synagogue. Lots of good stuff in them holy places; churches, temples, mosques, and who's guarding them? +I got caught robbing a synagogue. Lots of good stuff in them holy places; churches, temples, mosques, and who's guarding them? Altar boys? +Altar boys? Exactly! I speak seven languages, including Hebrew, so my specialty was synagogues. How about you? Kill somebody? +What then? Robbery? Extortion? Kidnapping! None of the above, thank you. +None of the above, thank you. Then what the hell are you doing here!? +My very good friend! What a surprise. Why if it ain't my little buddy, Beni. I oughta kill you. +You never were any good with the ladies, O'Connell. So you're the one leading the Americans, I shoulda figured. So what's the scam? You get 'em out in the middle of the desert then leave 'em to rot? +So you're the one leading the Americans, I shoulda figured. So what's the scam? You get 'em out in the middle of the desert then leave 'em to rot? Unfortunately no, these Americans are smart, they pay me only half now, half when I get them back to Cairo, so I must go all the way. +The girl saved my life, figured it was the least I could do, keep her out of trouble. You always did have more balls than brains. +Let's make us even, shall we? Even? +O'Connell! I am going to kill you for this! Sounds familiar. +Hey O'Connell! Looks to me like I got all the horses! Hey Beni! Looks to me like your on the wrong side of the river! +Ten to one, O'Connell, your odds are no-so-good. I've had worse. +Goin' somewhere? Just looking for you, O'Connell! I wanted to be with my friend! +C'mon, friend. Why do you like to fight so much? +Why do you like to fight so much? 'Cause I look good doin, it. +Beni ya little stinkweed, where did you slink off to? You left me! You left me in the desert to rot. +You left me! You left me in the desert to rot. Oh yeah,... sorry bout that. So who's this guy? +Oh yeah,... sorry bout that. So who's this guy? This is Prince Imhotep, High Priest of Osiris. +This is Prince Imhotep, High Priest of Osiris. Oh, hey, how ya doin'? +The Prince does not like to be touched by other humans. A Silly eastern superstition, I'm afraid. Yeah, well, we all got our little problems today don't we? +Yeah, well, we all got our little problems today don't we? He has come to help Mister Burns. Somehow I feel responsible. +He has come to help Mister Burns. Somehow I feel responsible. Don't gimme that, you never had any scruples. +Don't gimme that, you never had any scruples. Do you know where I can steal some? +Where's your new friend? What friend? You're my only friend. +Then you got no excuse for living. What the hell you doin, being buddies with this creep, Beni? What's in it for you? It is better to be the right hand of the Devil,... than in his path. As long as I serve him, I am immune. +It is better to be the right hand of the Devil,... than in his path. As long as I serve him, I am immune. Immune from what? +Immune from what? You shall see. +You shall see. What are you looking for? Lie, and I'll slit your throat. +The book! The black book they found at Hamunaptra! Imhotep wants it back. Said to me it would be worth it's weight in diamonds. What does he want the book for? +What does he want the book for? Something about bringing his dead girly-friend back to life. He needs the book... And your sister. +Like what that Moses guy did to that Pharaoh guy? That's one way of putting it. +What just happened? All I remember is him turning into a blast of sand,... and then I remember nothing. +Yeah? Oh yes, always. +...and how do you say? Those slimy things, in your stomach? Intestines. +Intestines. Yeah! Them. +I'm sorry, it was an accident. When Ramesses destroyed Syria, it was an accident. You are a catastrophe! Why do I put up with you? +You put up with me, because I can read and write ancient Egyptian, decipher hieroglyphs and hieratic, and I'm the only person within a thousand miles who knows how to properly code and catalogue this library. Who needs smart women? I put up with you because your mother and father were our finest patrons, Allah rest their souls. Now straighten up this mess! +See the cartouche there, it's the official royal seal of Seti the First, I'm sure of it. Perhaps. +Miss Carnavon. Gentlemen. What is he doing here? +What is he doing here? Do you truly wish to know? Or would you prefer to just shoot us? +And you think this justifies killing innocent people!? To have stopped this creature? Yes! +In the necropolis, when I saw him, - alive,... walking, he called me Anck- su-namun. And then in Mister Burns' quarters he tried to kiss me. It is because it was you who read from the Book. He has chosen you to be the human sacrifice needed to regenerate the body of Anck-su-namun. +I'm thinking that if the black Book Of The Dead can bring people back to life -- -- then perhaps, the golden Book Of The Living can return them to the underworld. +-- then perhaps, the golden Book Of The Living can return them to the underworld. Exactly -- +She is like all the others. She will die in the desert. No! She has seen too much. She knows too much. +The key!? She has the lost key!? Yes. No one has ever had so much, been so close. We must stop her, or it will be the end of us all. +Yes. No one has ever had so much, been so close. We must stop her, or it will be the end of us all. Then we will kill her, we will kill her and all those with her. +Then we will kill her, we will kill her and all those with her. And burn the map and retrieve the key. +And burn the map and retrieve the key. It will be done. But what of the American expedition? They leave tomorrow as well. +It will be done. But what of the American expedition? They leave tomorrow as well. Forget the bumbling Americans, they will be like all the others. Without the map to guide them, how can they possibly find Hamunaptra? +I'm willin, to go on a little faith, here. You will not believe it. +You will not believe it. Try me. +Okay, let's cut to the chase. He's afraid of cats, what's that about? According to the ancients, cat's are the guardians at the gates of the underworld. Imhotep will fear them until he is fully regenerated, and then he will fear nothing. +So your sayin', if we find the book made outta gold -- -- And read the sacred incantations contained inside it. +-- And read the sacred incantations contained inside it. You think it'll send this guy back to hell? +You think it'll send this guy back to hell? Correct, And that's when -- +Which would be located not far to the east of the Anubis statue. Don't tell me we gotta go back out there? +Don't tell me we gotta go back out there? If we want to kill the creature, yes. +See! That proves it! Old Seti's fortune's gotta be under this sand! For them to protect it like this, you just know there's got to be treasure down there. +I wouldn't trade ya for a brass spittoon! Yeah! It's supposed to be made outta pure gold! +The sun turning black. Water turning to blood. +You bastards! What did you do to him!? +The hell with that! I'm not goin' nowhere! We're safe here. Yeah, I'm not leavin, this fort for nothin'. +The hell with this. I'm goin, downstairs to get me a drink. You want somethin'? Yeah, get me a glass of bourbon, a shot of bourbon and a bourbon chaser. +And what is he in prison for? I did not know, so when I heard you were coming, I asked him that myself. +I did not know, so when I heard you were coming, I asked him that myself. And what did he say? +And what did he say? He said... he was just looking for a good time. +Where are they taking him? To be hanged. +No women allowed. I am an English woman. +I will give you one hundred pounds to spare his life. I would pay one hundred pounds just to see him hang. +I would pay one hundred pounds just to see him hang. Two hundred pounds. +Two hundred pounds. Proceed! +Proceed! Three hundred pounds! +You lie. I would never! +Are you saying this filthy godless son of a pig knows where to find The City Of The Dead? Truly? Yes and if you cut him down, we will give you ten percent. +Yes and if you cut him down, we will give you ten percent. Fifty percent. +Fifty percent. Twenty. +Twenty. Forty. +A bright good morning to all. What are you doing here? +What are you doing here? I have come to protect my investment, thank you very much. +Do you realize, we are standing inside a room that no one has entered in over four thousand years. Who cares? I don't see no treasure. +So who's the broad? Broad?! +We uh,... found... your puzzle box, and we've come to ask you about it. No. +No. No? +No? No... You came to ask me about Hamunaptra. +How do you know the box pertains to Hamunaptra? Because that's where I found it. I was there. +You were actually at Hamunaptra? I just decked your brother +I just decked your brother Yes, well... I know my brother. +Yeah, I was there. You swear? +You swear? Every damn day. +Every damn day. No, I mean -- +No, I mean -- -- I know what you mean. I was there, alright. Seti's place. The City Of The Dead. +-- I know what you mean. I was there, alright. Seti's place. The City Of The Dead. What did you find? What did you see? +What did you find? What did you see? I found sand. I saw death. +Could you tell me how to get there? The exact location? Want to know? +Yes. Really want to know? +Give... give him... give him GLAAAA-- ! Twenty-five percent, and not one single farthing more. +Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya. The only thing that scares me, Mister O'Connell, are your manners. +The only thing that scares me, Mister O'Connell, are your manners. Still angry that I kissed ya, huh? +Still angry that I kissed ya, huh? If you call that a kiss. +Did I miss something? Are we going into battle? The last time I was at that place everybody I was with died. +There's something out there, you know, something under that sand. Yes, I'm hoping to find a certain artifact, a book, actually, my brother thinks there's treasure. What do you think is out there? +"Evil. The Tuaregs and the Bedouin believe that Hamunaptra is cursed, they call it, ""the doorway to hell.""" "Ahmar is Ossirion. ""Passageway to the underworld"", actually." +I don't believe in fairy tales and hokum, Mister O'Connell, but I do believe that one of the most famous books in history is buried out there, The Book Of The Living. It's what first interested me in Egypt as a child. It's why I came here, sort of a life's pursuit. And the fact that they say it's made out of pure gold, makes no nevermind to you, right? +You know your history. I know my treasure. +Relax! I'm the map! It's all up here. Oh that's comforting. +Can you swim? Well of course I can swim, if the occasion calls for it. +Well of course I can swim, if the occasion calls for it. Trust me. +We're almost there. Are you sure? +For what? We're about to be shown the way. +"That ""thing"" gets me excited." The things that get you excited. +The things that get you excited. According to Bembridge Scholars, inside the statue of Anubis was a secret compartment, perhaps containing The Book Of The Living. +According to Bembridge Scholars, inside the statue of Anubis was a secret compartment, perhaps containing The Book Of The Living. What are those mirrors for? +What are those mirrors for? Ancient Egyptian trick. You'll see. +Oh my god, It's a preparation room. Preparation for what? +Preparation for what? For entering the afterlife. +Yeah, that'd bring you back to life. You two are worse than a couple of schoolboys. +Oh my god,... it looks like, it looks like a sarcophagus. Why would they bury somebody in the ceiling? +Why would they bury somebody in the ceiling? They didn't, they buried him at the foot of Anubis. He was either someone of great importance. Or he did something very naughty. +There's some sort of lock here. You say these thing's are made of granite with a steel interior? Quarried granite with a cobalt lining. +A key! That's it! That's what he was talking about. Who was talking about what? +Seems the Americans had a little misadventure of their own today, three of their diggers were killed. How? +How? Salt acid. Pressurized salt acid. Some sort of ancient booby-trap. +You two! You don't believe in curses, huh? +You don't believe in curses, huh? No. I believe if I can see it and I can touch it, then it's real. That's what I believe. +Unlike your brother, Miss, you I don't get. You're a whole new brew. I know, you're wondering, what's a place like me doing in a girl like this? +I know, you're wondering, what's a place like me doing in a girl like this? Something like that. +Something like that. Egypt is in my blood. My father was a famous explorer, he loved Egypt so much that he married an Egyptian. My mother! Who was quite an adventurer herself +Egypt is in my blood. My father was a famous explorer, he loved Egypt so much that he married an Egyptian. My mother! Who was quite an adventurer herself Okay, I get your father, I get your mother and I get your brother, but what are you doing here? +I may not be an explorer, or an adventurer, or a treasure hunter, or a gunfighter! Mister O'Connell But I'm proud of what I am. And what is that? +I'm going to kiss you, Mister O'Connell. No you're not. +No you're not. I'm not? +I'm not? Not unless you call me Rick. +Not unless you call me Rick. Why would I do that? +Why would I do that? Because that's my name. +No... Why?... Should I? Gee, yeah, you told me it was the best time you ever had. +Oh my god, I've dreamed about this ever since I was a little girl. You dream about dead guys? +Is he supposed to look like that? No. I've never seen a mummy look like this. He's, he's still... +Are you saying somebody threw these things in with our guy, and they slowly ate him alive? Very slowly. +According to my readings, our friend suffered the HOM-DAI, the worst of all ancient Egyptian curses, one reserved for only the most evil blasphemers. In all of my research, I've never read of this curse actually having been performed. That bad huh? +That bad huh? Yes, they never used it because they feared it so. It's written, that if a victim of the HOM-DAI should ever arise, he would bring with him the ten plagues of Egypt. +Yes, they never used it because they feared it so. It's written, that if a victim of the HOM-DAI should ever arise, he would bring with him the ten plagues of Egypt. The ten plagues?... You mean all ten plagues. +You sure you outta be playin, around with that? It's just a book, no harm ever came from a book. +Having an encounter with a four thousand year old walking-talking corpse tends to convert one. Forget it, we're out the door down the hall and gone. +Forget it, we're out the door down the hall and gone. No, we are not. +No we are not. We woke him up, and we must try and stop him. We?! What we?! You didn't read that book. I told you not to play around with that thing. +We?! What we?! You didn't read that book. I told you not to play around with that thing. Alright then, Me, I,... I read the book, I woke him up and I intend to stop him. +Then we'll have to find some immortal ones. There goes that belief again. Not me, I am outta here! +According to that Book, once this creature has been reborn, his curse will spread, and as he grows in strength, so will his curse grow, infecting the people until the whole of the earth is destroyed. Yeah? So? Is that my problem? +Yeah? So? Is that my problem? It's everybody's problem! +It's everybody's problem! Look lady, I appreciate you saving my life and all, but when I signed on, I agreed to take you out there and bring you back, and I did, now were even, end of job, end of story, contract terminated. +Look lady, I appreciate you saving my life and all, but when I signed on, I agreed to take you out there and bring you back, and I did, now were even, end of job, end of story, contract terminated. That's what I am to you? A contract? +That's what I am to you? A contract? You can either tag along with me, or you can stay here and play around with Mister Maggot. +You can either tag along with me, or you can stay here and play around with Mister Maggot. I'm staying. +I'm staying. FINE. +He's here! I saw him! That thing is here! The creature!? Are you sure!? +You called me your girl? What?... Oh yeah, that was just um, you know, figure a speech. +What?... Oh yeah, that was just um, you know, figure a speech. I think you were jealous +I think you were jealous Jealous? You kiddin' me? Did you see that guy's face? +Got it! Got what? +Don't do it, Evelyn. I have no choice. +Got guts, lady. Yes, I know, and I'd like to keep them. +You...! YOU...! Drunkard? Fool? Rat-bastard? Please call me something original. +Have you no respect for the dead? Right now, I only wish to join them. +Well I wish you'd do it sooner rather than later, before you ruin my career the way you've ruined yours. My dear, sweet, baby sister, I'll have you know, that at this moment my career is on a high note. +Oh yes I do! I have something right here! Oh no, not another worthless trinket, Jonathan, if I bring one more piece of junk to the Curator to try and sell for you. +Jonathan? Yes? +Yes? I think you found something. +Two questions. Who the hell is Seti the First? And was he rich? He was the last Pharaoh of the Old Kingdom, said to be the wealthiest Pharaoh of them all. +He was the last Pharaoh of the Old Kingdom, said to be the wealthiest Pharaoh of them all. Alright, good, that's good. I like this fellow, like him very much. +Yes. The City of The Dead. Where the early Pharaohs were said to have hidden the wealth of Egypt. Right, right, in a big underground treasure chamber. Everybody knows the story. The entire necropolis was rigged to sink into the sand. On Pharaoh's command, a flick of the switch! And the whole place could disappear beneath the dunes. +Right, right, in a big underground treasure chamber. Everybody knows the story. The entire necropolis was rigged to sink into the sand. On Pharaoh's command, a flick of the switch! And the whole place could disappear beneath the dunes. All we know is that the city mysteriously vanished around 2,134 B.C. +You told me you found it on a dig down in Thebes! I was mistaken. +I was mistaken. You lied to me! +You lied to me! I lie to everybody, what makes you so special? +I lie to everybody, what makes you so special? I'm your sister. +I'm your sister. That just makes you more gullible. +That just makes you more gullible. You stole it from a drunk at the local Casbah?! +You stole it from a drunk at the local Casbah?! Picked his pocket, actually. +But he's just a filthy criminal? Way to go, Evy. +Do you really think he'll show up? Undoubtedly, I know the breed, he may be a cowboy, but his word is his word. +Undoubtedly, I know the breed, he may be a cowboy, but his word is his word. Personally, I think he's filthy, rude and a complete scoundrel. I don't like him one bit. +Ah, begging your pardon, but shouldn't we be going? After all, you rode us night and day to win that bet. +According to my calculations, we should be right under the statue. We'll come up right between his legs. Oh my. And when those dirty Yanks go to sleep -- No offense. +It's called mummification. You're dead when they do this Still... +What do you suppose killed him? Did you ever see him eat? +I can't believe I allowed the two of you to get me drunk. Don't blame me, I don't even remember being there. +Don't blame me, I don't even remember being there. Well neither do I, thank you. +Juicy? Yes. He's more than four thousand years old and still decomposing. +I found it, Evy! I found it Shut-up and get me off of here! +What do I do, Evy!? What do I do!? Read the inscription on the cover! +Finish the inscription, idiot! Oh. +Ummm, Hootash im... Hootash im now what is this last symbol here? What's it look like!? +Ah! Ah! Ahmenophus! Yes,... I see. +She's my sister, actually. Yeah? Well,... I'm sure she's not a total loss. +Hey,... don't I know you? Um, well, you see... +Sit down, O'Connell, sit down, we could use another good player. I only gamble with my life, never my money. +I can't believe the price of these fleabags. We coulda had 'em for free, all we had to do was give 'em your sister. +We coulda had 'em for free, all we had to do was give 'em your sister. Yes, awfully tempting, wasn't it? +Yes, awfully tempting, wasn't it? Awfully. +That thing gives me the creeps. Be nice. That thing saved my life. +You're welcome to my share of the spider webs. And it stinks to high heaven in here. +None taken. We'll sneak up and steal that book right out from under them. +We'll sneak up and steal that book right out from under them. And you're sure you can find the secret compartment? +Lemme get this straight, they stuck a sharp, red hot poker up your nose, cut your brain into small pieces, then ripped it all out through your nostrils? OWCH! That's really got to hurt. +Whoever's in here, sure wasn't getting out. No kiddin', without a key, it'll take us a month to crack this thing, +Tough break. Yes, I'm all tears, now let's see who's inside, shall we? +Where's my gun? What are you going to do? Shoot him? +What are you going to do? Shoot him? If he decides to wake up, hell yes! +You did not!?... We're not!? Rat gizzards. They smell bad and taste worse, but that's the best the desert has to offer. +He certainly was not a popular fellow when they planted him. Must of got a little too frisky with the Pharaoh's daughter. +Did you see that!? Grasshoppers! Billions of grasshoppers! That's one of the plagues, right? The grasshopper plague! +Who's here!? The guy! The Priest! THE MUMMY! +That looked rather painful. Ya know, ever since I met you, my luck has been for crap. +Ya know, ever since I met you, my luck has been for crap. Yes, I know, I do that to people. +Damn-it! That's two down and only two to go. And then he'll be coming after Evy. +Believe it, sister. That's what brought our buddy back to life. And now he's going to use it to bring his girlfriend back +What? What? +We gotta get her back. I'm with you, old man. No one touches my sister like that and gets away with it. +Okay, now what the hell does this Horus guy look like? He's a big fellow with pointy ears and a face like a falcon. +He's a big fellow with pointy ears and a face like a falcon. Got it. +Do something, Jonathan! Kill it! You have got to be joking? +I knew you'd come. I left that skylight open for you. I know you did. +I know you did. I knew you'd know. +I knew you'd know. I know you knew I'd know. +I know you knew I'd know. But did you know I knew you'd know I'd know? +But did you know I knew you'd know I'd know? Of course. +The jig is up, Casanova. I've spent six months watching you, and know exactly what you're up to. Really? +Really? I know that you're recruiting your old henchmen... +And I know the terrible revenge that you plan to inflict on this city. I guess you know just about everything, don't you, Lance? +I guess you know just about everything, don't you, Lance? Um-hmm. +Um-hmm. Except for one little thing. +Except for one little thing. And what's that? +And what's that? That I've hot wired the city's entire power supply through that catwalk. +That I've hot wired the city's entire power supply through that catwalk. What --? +Everything's going exactly as we planned. Not quite. You haven't announced our engagement yet. +Not quite. You haven't announced our engagement yet. It must have slipped my mind. +It must have slipped my mind. Your mind is so slippery. +Your mind is so slippery. Don't worry, Pootchkie. My womanizing days are over. You're my Lady Macbeth, my Imelda... my Nicole. We're such an incredible team. Who could possibly stop us? +Where are you going? Head hunting. +What are you doing all alone in the dark? Fantasizing... about you. +I thought you were done? One last tweak. +Our guests are waiting. I'll be down in a jiffy. +You two timing psychotic bastard. Darling, you've got the wrong idea. +Darling, you've got the wrong idea. Do I? +Do I? I was only strangling her... I've killed hundreds of women. It doesn't mean a thing. Pootchkie, you're over-reacting. This is our night. It's what we've lied for... cheated for... murdered for. She's just a plaything, a trifle... You're the only woman who's ever meant anything to me. I adore you. I worship you. I want to make you my bride. +The Bowler? I remember him from when I was a kid. He was killed years ago. I'm his daughter. +Look, honey, being a superhero... it's a guy thing. Really? +And then one day, he didn't come home. The police said it was an accident. But cargo containers don't just fall on people. He was murdered... After that I fell apart. I dropped out of school, became a mud wrestler, married and divorced a jerk. When my mother died I hit bottom... but then, when I was cleaning out her attic, I found my father's old bowling bag and costume, almost like he'd left them there for me... and I knew what I had to do. So who killed him? +So who killed him? The Disco Boys. +We didn't think this through very well. My father had this friend... He was an inventor... +He was the last time I saw him. When was that? +When was that? I was eight. +Much less go outside. Then Captain Amazing appeared. +We could really use some coffee -- And some sandwiches -- +Come on, baby! Do it, big boy! +Atta, girl! Atta, boy! +Hey, do I look like a Man? Well we can't call ourselves the Mystery People. +Who are you? I'm the Bowler. +And you can't count Horst Buckholtz anyway. He was cute though. +He was cute though. But they all had one thing we haven't got. +How about... the Savage Six? The Inscrutable Six? +But she's your mother. You gotta tell her. I can't. +I'm her only son, and she always had such high hopes for me. Medicine. Law. But you're a superhero. +But you're a superhero. The cape. The turban. She wouldn't understand. +The cape. The turban. She wouldn't understand. I know... My girlfriends all dumped me after I put on the mask. They thought I'd lost it. +I know... My girlfriends all dumped me after I put on the mask. They thought I'd lost it. But in fact... you'd found it. +It's late. I'm headin' home. Me, too. +Me, too. Come on, Junior, it's a school night. +No one will believe us. They'll think we're just a bunch of weirdoes. +Sounds good to me. Let's do it. +But that place is huge and we don't know where this psycho thing is -- Or even what it looks like. +Hey... Can I buy you a beer? I thought you'd never ask. +That's two more than the Fantastic Four. Half a Dirty Dozen! +Casanova said that in two days the entire city would belong to him... and there wasn't a thing that we could do about it. What did he mean? +What did he mean? I dunno. +Mon Captain, it's for you. Hello? +Hey... you okay? Sure. +Eat your mustard. It doesn't matter what we call ourselves. We know who we are. +Yes! Doctor Heller? +Doctor Heller? Yes! +Yes! It's me... Elizabeth. +It's me... Elizabeth. Elizabeth! Little Elizabeth! Why you're so... middle aged! +Elizabeth! Little Elizabeth! Why you're so... middle aged! Thanks. +Thanks. How's your dad? +How's your dad? He's dead. +He's dead. Oh that's right -- they squished him... Heck of a guy. +Doc, these are my friends. We're superheroes, and we need your help. Well, I give to the United Way, and I feel that sort of covers -- +Snap out of it! Get on to yourself! +He'll never make it. Think positive. +I hope you enjoy these cigars. I had to kill a dozen Cubans to get them. Ummm. +Ummm. Have you considered my offer? +Have you considered my offer? You know, Mr. F, me and the boys always loved workin' for you. You had such style: the clothes, the dancin', the elegant way you'd snuff a babe. You were the King... +But times have changed, and you been in that bug house a long tine. I can see you still got the style, but I dunno for sure you still got the edge. I got it. +I got it. What about Captain Amazing? +Superheroes. Should I kill them? +Should I kill them? Why bother? +That boy's got talent. And I'm gonna nip it in the bud. +What did you do with Captain Amazing? Captain who? +I'll let you in on a little secret, Roy. In two days this entire city will belong to me, and there's not a damn thing your little pals can do about it. It's the perfect time to switch teams... So what do you say? You're nuts. +You're nuts. They always call the great ones nuts. +They always call the great ones nuts. And the nuts always call themselves great. +And the nuts always call themselves great. Are you with me... or against me? +Are you with me... or against me? Against. +Against. Too bad. PLUG HIM! +Thanks for reminding me which team I'm on. You're dead. +You're dead. So are you! +And the light goes out... Frankenstein! +Let me guess... Bullets don't hurt you. They hurt... BUT THEY DON'T STOP ME! +"I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but I couldn't help but notice... that you're a dead ringer for Veronica Lake in ""The Blue Dahlia""." Really? +Are you an actress? Just a waitress. +Just a waitress. You underestimate yourself. +You know I'm writing a play -- it's just a little Broadway thing, but there's a part in it that I think you'd be perfect for. Really? +Really? I'd love to hear you read it. Could you stick around after the luncheon? +I'd love to hear you read it. Could you stick around after the luncheon? Sure -- I guess. +Sure -- I guess. Terrific. +Hi. I thought you'd chickened out on me. +I thought you'd chickened out on me. Just wanted to... powder my nose. +"How 'bout giving me ""the tour""?" Why not? +Who's the artist? Me. +Come here. I'm not that kind of girl. +I'm not that kind of girl. Then why are you here? +Then why are you here? Curiosity. +Curiosity. Remember the cat. +I'd better go. You're a spy. +You're a spy. What? +What? I saw him walk you home. +I saw him walk you home. Who? +Who? Roy. +Stay away! Or you'll what? CAN ME? +Doesn't it piss you off the way the when you really want to talk to somebody you can't think of anything to say! I guess... Are you always so angry? +I guess... Are you always so angry? Only when I'm awake... You busy after work? +Or talk? Not tonight. +Hi. Alone tonight? +Alone tonight? Every night. +Monica... I was wondering if -- uh -- maybe we -- I mean you and I -- could -- uh -- you know -- get a -- I mean have a... Date? +Date? Yeah. +Yeah. I get off work in fifteen minutes. Walk me home? +I get off work in fifteen minutes. Walk me home? Sure. +Sure. That was easy. +I admire you. Why? +Why? Being a superhero, wanting to save the world. It's so... unselfish. +Being a superhero, wanting to save the world. It's so... unselfish. It is? +It is? Most people just want to make money or be famous or something. But you risk everything, just to help people. +Most people just want to make money or be famous or something. But you risk everything, just to help people. I wouldn't mind being famous. +I wouldn't mind being famous. Who wouldn't? +I've never been able to figure out what to do with my life, which is why I guess I'm still a waitress. Nothing wrong with being a waitress. +Nothing wrong with being a waitress. What's your real name? +What's your real name? Roy. +Roy. Have you always lived here? +Me too... I love this stupid old town. It's noisy. It's smelly. It's falling apart. It's home. +It's home. Yeah. +I've thought of leaving, going to Chicago or New York, but... What have they got that we ain't got? +What have they got that we ain't got? Champion's going to bounce back, and I want to be here when it does. +Champion's going to bounce back, and I want to be here when it does. Me, too. +Me, too. You don't seem very angry right now. +You know what? Underneath all that anger I think there's just a little boy who wants everyone to love him. I just want to be a superhero. +I just want to be a superhero. That's what I mean... 'Night, Roy. +It's me. Monica, where are you? +At the Frankenstein Center. Are you nuts? Get out of there! +Are you nuts? Get out of there! I'm going inside. +I'm going inside. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Listen, Casanova may be a supervillain, but he's got a weakness, and I'm it. Maybe -- just maybe -- I can trick him into showing me the location of the whatchamathing. +Listen, Casanova may be a supervillain, but he's got a weakness, and I'm it. Maybe -- just maybe -- I can trick him into showing me the location of the whatchamathing. He's a psycho! He'll kill you! +He's a psycho! He'll kill you! Just shut up and listen. Hold off the attack as long as you can. If I can discover the location I'll call you -- +Just shut up and listen. Hold off the attack as long as you can. If I can discover the location I'll call you -- And what if you get killed? +And what if you get killed? Then at least I will have died trying, right? +Roy... We might never see each other again, so I'd better tell you now... I think you're wonderful. What? +What? Bye. +Bye. Monica! +So, let me get this straight. You have the power to become invisible. Yes. +If someone looks at you, you immediately become visible again. Yes. +So how do you know that you've ever been invisible? I just know. +Look, kid, we've got a lot of heroes to interview -- I know I haven't got it entirely worked out yet, but I've always dreamed of becoming a superhero... Weren't you guys ever a kid? Didn't you ever need someone to just give you a chance? +Come on, guys -- we're fighting against evil. Good or evil, what's the difference? +You're the Sphinx. And you are a fool. +But now Casanova's back! And we're gonna sit around here all night eating pizza and telling stories! Hey, lets toast some marshmellows! The wise snake coils before he strikes. +The wise snake coils before he strikes. And a skunk stinks! +You drink too much. When are you going to take off that mask? +When are you going to take off that mask? When I am sure I am among friends. +Your rage is a very great power, but it blinds you to your heart. My heart died a long time ago. +My heart died a long time ago. It is not dead. It is hiding. +It is not dead. It is hiding. Blow it out your bean hole, Pancho!... And to hell with the rest of you!... Look at you. Bunch of rejects. I didn't need you before -- and I don't need you now! The great ones RIDE ALONE! Adios, muchachos! +Maybe. But this isn't about living or dying. It's about good versus evil, and we're good, whether we like it or not... Maybe we look a little funny... And smell a little funny. We're not bulletproof and we can't fly. But we're superheroes -- and that means doing what's right -- even when it's impossible... This is our city -- these are our friends, our families -- and if we don't save them, nobody will! So I say we take a ride up that hill, blast our way in there, destroy that Psycho-whatchamabob -- and teach those deviants a lesson they'll never forget! +And smell a little funny. We're not bulletproof and we can't fly. But we're superheroes -- and that means doing what's right -- even when it's impossible... This is our city -- these are our friends, our families -- and if we don't save them, nobody will! So I say we take a ride up that hill, blast our way in there, destroy that Psycho-whatchamabob -- and teach those deviants a lesson they'll never forget! Now you're talking. +We're all the same really. Our songs, our dreams, our seeds are all just a brave attempt to live forever. He is in love. His anger is gone. +Oh don't start that again -- LOOK! +Leave him alone. She's his mother, not yours. We had an off night, that's all. +We had an off night, that's all. So when are we gonna have an on night? +What are you talking about? What have the famous superheroes got that we don't? +And it would be the right thing to do. Yeah yeah -- and that, too. +I'm liking this. I say we send out the word -- and summon all of the unsung superheroes we know! +Have you ever seen him? How could I see him if he's invisible? +How could I see him if he's invisible? Good point. +You sure that's how you spell it? Yeah. +There's just not enough of us. But we know they're out there. Hundreds -- maybe thousands of lonely, unknown superheroes, who desperately need a cause... +There's a big difference. I used to believe that. Now I'm not so sure. +You know something? Those guys are really starting TO PISS ME OFF! But there's still only six of us. +But there's still only six of us. SO WHAT? +So what else has Superman got? He's got the fact that he's Superman! +This place is built like a fortress. Because that's what it is. +GET MAD! But I just don't feel it. +Your Spiderman Pez dispenser! Okay, you win. I'm pissed off. I'm seriously peeved. +But she still might call! Are you coming or not? +Are you coming or not? I'll drive. +I'll drive. Not a chance! +Cover me! With what? +He doesn't miss a trick, does he? What a jerk -- and like nobody knows who he really is! +He's Lance Hunt! Just take off the glasses -- and it's him! There's a vague similarity. +There's a vague similarity. A vague similarity? IT'S THE SAME GUY! +We need a break, that's all! Nobody'd ever heard of him until he busted Casanova Frankenstein! But look at him... and look at us. +Why do they always fill stuff these things so full you can't pull 'em out without ripping 'em! I lost another fork tonight. She's getting suspicious, I know it. +I lost another fork tonight. She's getting suspicious, I know it. So why don't you just tell her! +So why don't you just tell her! I can't. +I can't. Why not? +Why not? Because I can't! Okay? She wouldn't understand! +Nah. Roy, when was the last time you had an actual date? +Roy, when was the last time you had an actual date? What does it matter? Women just want to control you -- and talk about their feelings. They want to know why you're angry all the time -- and what can they can do to help -- so you tell them there's nothing -- nothing -- just leave me alone -- but they bug you and they bug you and they bug you -- until you just can't stand it anymore! -- so you finally open up -- you pop like a blister -- and it all comes spewing out -- all your emotions -- your feelings -- your fears -- all of it! And then they dump you. +What does it matter? Women just want to control you -- and talk about their feelings. They want to know why you're angry all the time -- and what can they can do to help -- so you tell them there's nothing -- nothing -- just leave me alone -- but they bug you and they bug you and they bug you -- until you just can't stand it anymore! -- so you finally open up -- you pop like a blister -- and it all comes spewing out -- all your emotions -- your feelings -- your fears -- all of it! And then they dump you. So you're chicken? +So you're chicken? Who's chicken? +Maybe you should try a more romantic approach. Like what? Cutting off my own ear? +Like what? Cutting off my own ear? Or flowers. +Or flowers. See ya tomorrow. +I saw him go in -- and he didn't come out! But we don't know for sure it's the same guy. +Let's go. Wait!... Look! +The who? The most vicious gang of thugs this city ever produced. Twenty years ago they were Casanova's personal bodyguard. But after he was busted they crawled into the woodwork. +The most vicious gang of thugs this city ever produced. Twenty years ago they were Casanova's personal bodyguard. But after he was busted they crawled into the woodwork. Well they've crawled back out. +I'm soaked. Oh great. Shhh. +Maybe she's right. Are you serious? This is the break we've been waiting for! +Agents? Archenemies! Casanova isn't just a criminal -- he's a supervillain. Stopping him could be our ticket to fame, fortune -- and babes! +But there's only three of us, and he's got the entire brotherhood of evil at his disposal. Then maybe it's time for us to form our own brotherhood... a brotherhood of righteous, crime fighting, skull cracking, Disco Boy bashing, warriors of the night! +Sounds good. No one's sure that he actually exists, but they say he can be contacted by leaving a message on a crumpled up napkin at the Tacky Taco down by the bus station. +Maybe there was traffic. Who are we kidding? No one's gonna show. We're living in a fantasy! +Roy, remember, it is all within your power. The only thing that's in your way... is you. Oh shut up. +Roy -- Go dance with your mother, Jeffrey! +So where's the art? He hasn't stolen it yet. +What's that? Come on. +He's turned into a completely normal person! Normal. What's normal? Does normal exist? And if it did, how would we know it? +But... only when no one is looking. Yes. +So you're only invisible... to yourself? No. +So you're only invisible, when absolutely no one is looking at you? Yes. +The Obliterators! The Eradicators! +Firepower costs money. Anybody got any? +Yes, Obie-wan. Hey... he's gone. +You guys going to a costume party? We're superheroes. +We're superheroes. Really? Like Captain Amazing? +Are you famous? Not yet. +Not yet. So you're like... struggling superheroes? +So you're like... struggling superheroes? We prefer to think of ourselves as unsung... I am the Blue Raja, Master of Silverware... +We prefer to think of ourselves as unsung... I am the Blue Raja, Master of Silverware... Wow. +Wow. And these are my associates, the Shoveler. +Really? Usually a superpower is a magical endowment or a great skill. In his case, it's entirely emotional. +Usually a superpower is a magical endowment or a great skill. In his case, it's entirely emotional. So what can I get you? +So what can I get you? Burgers all around. Medium. Rare. Raw. +Here you go. Ow. +Ow. Maybe you guys ought to forget this Superhero stuff and join Kiwanis or something. +Jeffrey! Oh hi, Mom. +Oh hi, Mom. What are you doing in the silver drawer? +What are you doing in the silver drawer? Looking for... the TV Guide. +It's on the television. Of course. I'm such a fool... Thanks, Mummy. +Jeffrey, YOU THIEF! Mother... it's not what you think! +Mother... it's not what you think! And why are you wearing that silly costume? +And why are you wearing that silly costume? Because... I'M A SUPERHERO! +Oh, Mother, I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer with a family -- but it's just not who I am! But... the silverware? +But... the silverware? I use it... to fight evil. +I use it... to fight evil. Jeffrey... this is wonderful. +Jeffrey... this is wonderful. It is? +It is? I always knew that you were special. +I always knew that you were special. You did? +You did? Ever since you were a little boy... Come with me. +Oh, who gives a damn who he is? I can't take this anymore. Night after night we're on the streets, busting our humps -- and for what? We take the licks and he gets the chicks. +We take the licks and he gets the chicks. How long do you have to chase a dream before you realize it's not gonna happen? +Hi. And Mister Furious... His anger is his power. +She likes you. Definitely. +Definitely. Ask her out. +This is bad. Who are they? +Who are they? The Disco Boys. +We may be getting in over our heads here. This looks like a job for Superman -- +This looks like a job for Superman -- Or Batman -- +Or Batman -- Or both. +Don't crunch the leaves. Sorry. +Sorry. Be a Mohican. +Be a Mohican. Shut up. +Do we have to? I got this cousin. He's a real doofus, but he claims he can become invisible. +And there's the Sphinx. The who? +The who? He's a legendary masked Mexican crime fighting superwrestler and master of the machete. +And a social life. Yeah, but how do we get to them? +To us! Whatever our name is. +Are you sure he's still lives here? Are you sure he's still alive? +But, Doc... where's the machine guns? The bazookas? +Twenty years ago all the major hoodlums of this city were united into one great brotherhood of evil, and Casanova was their king. Crime was rampant. It wasn't safe to stay in your home. +He busted Casanova and sent the crooks packing. And this has been a pretty nice place to live ever since. +Maybe it's time we checked that place out. But how do we get in? +That was too close. But we gotta find out what's going on in there. +We're outnumbered twenty to one. It's suicide. +Oh no. Great timing! +It's time. With or without him, we gotta go! +We've got lift off! May the forks be with us! +Where am I going? Through there! +Through there! Right. +It is a thing entirely unknown in diplomacy, that one government should assume a right to dictate to another, who is upon terms of equality, the conditions on which she should conduct her commerce; and, assuming such a right, second it by threatening language, in case of non-compliance. But, Your Majesty, the very substance of the Tilsit treaty was that you should join the Continental Blockade, boycott English goods, suspend all commercial dealings with her, and be France's ally. Nothing more is being asked than to comply with the treaty. +But, Your Majesty, the very substance of the Tilsit treaty was that you should join the Continental Blockade, boycott English goods, suspend all commercial dealings with her, and be France's ally. Nothing more is being asked than to comply with the treaty. My dear Caulaincourt, agreements can endure only when they allow both sides to live. Napoleon may believe it is necessary to injure England but, before that, he must realize it is necessary for him to allow his friends to live. He cannot expect me to tell my nobles they must ruin themselves so that he can bring England to her knees -- and I'm afraid that is what it has come to. +My dear Caulaincourt, agreements can endure only when they allow both sides to live. Napoleon may believe it is necessary to injure England but, before that, he must realize it is necessary for him to allow his friends to live. He cannot expect me to tell my nobles they must ruin themselves so that he can bring England to her knees -- and I'm afraid that is what it has come to. I can appreciate what Your Majesty is saying but the Emperor has staked everything on this policy. He has no other way to attack England, and no one knows more than Your Majesty how his overtures for peace have been rejected. +I can appreciate what Your Majesty is saying but the Emperor has staked everything on this policy. He has no other way to attack England, and no one knows more than Your Majesty how his overtures for peace have been rejected. It's a fine thing to establish policies but, when they don't work, they must be reconsidered. Granted that you have hurt England, but she is still on her feet. And to seal off her trade with Europe, what has it cost you? You have had to rule with an iron hand. You have turned friends into enemies. And even at that, the result has only been partly effective. You have never been able to stop the extensive cheating, smuggling and corruption -- even of your own officials. But I should think the situation in Spain, alone, would give your policy a minus balance. You have had to commit a quarter of a million of your best troops against the guerrillas, with no victory in sight. And you have given England a dangerous foothold on the Continent, for her armies. +It's a fine thing to establish policies but, when they don't work, they must be reconsidered. Granted that you have hurt England, but she is still on her feet. And to seal off her trade with Europe, what has it cost you? You have had to rule with an iron hand. You have turned friends into enemies. And even at that, the result has only been partly effective. You have never been able to stop the extensive cheating, smuggling and corruption -- even of your own officials. But I should think the situation in Spain, alone, would give your policy a minus balance. You have had to commit a quarter of a million of your best troops against the guerrillas, with no victory in sight. And you have given England a dangerous foothold on the Continent, for her armies. I am in no position to debate this with you, Your Majesty, but can you imagine what a blow it will be to the Emperor if you should now desert his cause? It would mean nothing less than victory for England. +I am in no position to debate this with you, Your Majesty, but can you imagine what a blow it will be to the Emperor if you should now desert his cause? It would mean nothing less than victory for England. My dear Caulaincourt, you have no idea of how compromised my own position has become since Tilsit. I am blamed by the army for the military disaster at Austerlitz and Friedland, by the nobility for ruining their trade with England, by the merchants who must accept French foods at unprofitable prices, and by the nation for allowing Napoleon to dictate Russian policy. +Your Majesty knows my affection for him is deep and genuine, and goes far beyond my official role as Ambassador. But I would be remiss in my feelings for you, and in my responsibility to the Emperor, if I did not say that it is entirely possible that the Emperor will view your refutation of the terms of the Treaty of Tilsit, as the first step in the exchange of a French alliance for an English one -- with all the dangers that might entail. I have given a great deal of thought to that possibility, and I am prepared to face it. If it should come to war, and I presume that is what you are alluding to, I would rather have war with the Emperor than my own people. +I hope you will forgive me, Your Majesty, for requesting an audience at such a late hour, but I have traveled all the way from Moscow to see you, on a matter which cannot wait. Very well, General, what is it you wish to say? +Very well, General, what is it you wish to say? Your Majesty, I have been advised that you have received a letter from Napoleon, offering a peace treaty, and that you have decided to accept it. +Your Majesty, I have been advised that you have received a letter from Napoleon, offering a peace treaty, and that you have decided to accept it. I have decided to accept the principle of a negotiation; the terms are not established. +I have decided to accept the principle of a negotiation; the terms are not established. If I may, Your Majesty, I would like to offer a dissenting opinion. +If I may, Your Majesty, I would like to offer a dissenting opinion. General Kutusov, feel free to say whatever you like. +General Kutusov, feel free to say whatever you like. I believe I am right in saying that, before the fire, the country had grown weary of the war, and there were few who were interested in continuing the battle. +I believe I am right in saying that, before the fire, the country had grown weary of the war, and there were few who were interested in continuing the battle. Proceed. +Proceed. But, since the fire, a completely new spirit has been aroused in the nation. The French have become an army of criminals, against whom Russia must be avenged, against whom she is now prepared to fight to the death. +But, since the fire, a completely new spirit has been aroused in the nation. The French have become an army of criminals, against whom Russia must be avenged, against whom she is now prepared to fight to the death. You know, General Kutusov, there is a very strong possibility that the fire was not started by Napoleon's troops but was organized under the orders of Rostopchin's secret police. +You know, General Kutusov, there is a very strong possibility that the fire was not started by Napoleon's troops but was organized under the orders of Rostopchin's secret police. I have heard that story but I do not believe it. +I have heard that story but I do not believe it. Rostopchin is a fanatic and he is capable of anything -- however, it doesn't affect what we are talking about. Please go on. +Rostopchin is a fanatic and he is capable of anything -- however, it doesn't affect what we are talking about. Please go on. The point I was trying to make is that I think it is reasonable to say that Your Majesty would not find himself under unbearable pressure, if he decided to make peace with the Emperor, at least at this time. +The point I was trying to make is that I think it is reasonable to say that Your Majesty would not find himself under unbearable pressure, if he decided to make peace with the Emperor, at least at this time. For the sake of your argument, let us say that is correct. +For the sake of your argument, let us say that is correct. Well, has Your Majesty considered what Napoleon's alternatives might be, if you simply chose to ignore his note? +Well, has Your Majesty considered what Napoleon's alternatives might be, if you simply chose to ignore his note? Yes, General Kutusov, I daresay that this has been considered and discussed at great length. Napoleon would simply spend the winter in Moscow and continue the campaign in the spring. Another lesser possibility might be to march on St. Petersburg now, although there is some doubt that he has the strength to do this, until he refits his army. +Yes, General Kutusov, I daresay that this has been considered and discussed at great length. Napoleon would simply spend the winter in Moscow and continue the campaign in the spring. Another lesser possibility might be to march on St. Petersburg now, although there is some doubt that he has the strength to do this, until he refits his army. You have my absolute assurance, Your Majesty, that Napoleon does not have the strength to attack St. Petersburg now -- his army is exhausted and ill-supplied, and he would be defeated if he attempted that. +You have my absolute assurance, Your Majesty, that Napoleon does not have the strength to attack St. Petersburg now -- his army is exhausted and ill-supplied, and he would be defeated if he attempted that. I will accept your assurance, but I'm afraid I don't see your point. +I will accept your assurance, but I'm afraid I don't see your point. Forgive me, Your Majesty, I am about to make it. +Forgive me, Your Majesty, I am about to make it. Ah, yes -- proceed. +Ah, yes -- proceed. The point is that I don't think Napoleon will sit in Moscow until the spring! I don't think he can afford to. +Well, that is a very interesting idea, General Kutusov, but I can assure you that Napoleon is no beginner at this. Whatever analysis you have done on this situation, I am sure that he has gone over the same ground. I have no doubt that he has, Your Majesty, but does he have any strong moves from which to choose? +I have no doubt that he has, Your Majesty, but does he have any strong moves from which to choose? Well, one thing immediately comes to mind, if what you are saying is true -- he would merely withdraw his army from Moscow and return to Poland for the winter. +Well, one thing immediately comes to mind, if what you are saying is true -- he would merely withdraw his army from Moscow and return to Poland for the winter. Your Majesty has grasped the outlines of his problem in much less time than it took me. This is a crucial point -- and it is a political one, which Your Majesty will be in a far better position to answer than I. Can Napoleon afford to abandon Moscow without signing even the preliminaries of a peace treaty with you? +Your Majesty has grasped the outlines of his problem in much less time than it took me. This is a crucial point -- and it is a political one, which Your Majesty will be in a far better position to answer than I. Can Napoleon afford to abandon Moscow without signing even the preliminaries of a peace treaty with you? I must confess he would look a bit silly, fighting his way to Moscow and turning right around again. +I must confess he would look a bit silly, fighting his way to Moscow and turning right around again. Perhaps it would be even more serious than that, Your Majesty. His European confederation is held together by some very slender threads. Your Majesty knows even better than I that Austria and Prussia are very doubtful allies, and the Emperor has reason enough to fear that they will turn on him, at the first sign of weakness. +Perhaps it would be even more serious than that, Your Majesty. His European confederation is held together by some very slender threads. Your Majesty knows even better than I that Austria and Prussia are very doubtful allies, and the Emperor has reason enough to fear that they will turn on him, at the first sign of weakness. Proceed. +Proceed. If I can presume to go into the Emperor's mind, I believe that he has based his entire campaign strategy on obtaining a peace treaty after the fall of Moscow. When Vienna fell, there was a peace treaty. When Berlin fell, another treaty. That has always been the rules of the game. But what is he to do now if no treaty is forth- coming? He knows that beyond Moscow, there is nothing, and that, if he withdraws, there remains only a fall into emptiness. +What do you think Napoleon will do? I, personally, am convinced that he will withdraw his army from Moscow, and attempt to establish himself in Poland for the winter. In the end, he will not allow himself to be cut off from Paris. But I believe that if he is offered any encouragement, by Your Majesty, he will postpone this decision as long as possible. He is a gambler and he will trust to his luck. +If he withdraws his army in good order, it will be a serious political defeat. But, if he should be caught on the move, with his army, in the full grip of winter, then it will be a catastrophe. If Your Majesty can prolong his hopes for a treaty by silence, be deceit, by any means, for another month, thus postponing his departure, then the graves of his army are already dug in the soil of Russia. General Kutusov, I would like to call a meeting of my cabinet tomorrow morning and have you present this idea to them. I think it has merit and is worthy of consideration. +General Kutusov, I would like to call a meeting of my cabinet tomorrow morning and have you present this idea to them. I think it has merit and is worthy of consideration. I am at your disposal, Your Majesty. +And, what a great pleasure it is, indeed, to meet you, Alexander. And, what a delightful idea! +And, what a delightful idea! Ah -- you approve? +Ah -- you approve? I think it's absolutely charming. +I think it's absolutely charming. I'm glad you like it. +I'm glad you like it. Whatever suggested the idea to you? +Whatever suggested the idea to you? I shall tell you in the strictest confidence -- when I was a boy, I had a passion for rafts, and never had the opportunity to build one. +You can always tell at a glance whether retreating infantry are being pursed by cavalry, because they hurry along and keep turning around and looking back. When they are retreating before infantry, they merely trudge along, head down. Fascinating! Tell me, leaving aside the question of grand strategy, for the moment, what would you say is the single most difficult tactical skill to master? +Fascinating! Tell me, leaving aside the question of grand strategy, for the moment, what would you say is the single most difficult tactical skill to master? "Without a doubt, to estimate the enemy's strength on the battlefield. This is something that is only acquired by experience and instinct. At Jena, there were as many opinions about strength of the enemy as there were generals present. Murat said there were 50,000, preparing to attack. Berthier said there were no more than 25,000, about to withdraw. ""Berthier sees only what is in the open,"" Murat said. ""But don't forget there is a second force hidden in the forest."" And so it would always go, each of them would judge things according to his own ability, character and state of mind, at the moment." +"Without a doubt, to estimate the enemy's strength on the battlefield. This is something that is only acquired by experience and instinct. At Jena, there were as many opinions about strength of the enemy as there were generals present. Murat said there were 50,000, preparing to attack. Berthier said there were no more than 25,000, about to withdraw. ""Berthier sees only what is in the open,"" Murat said. ""But don't forget there is a second force hidden in the forest."" And so it would always go, each of them would judge things according to his own ability, character and state of mind, at the moment." Ah, my dear Napoleon, sometimes I feel that I am not really an Emperor as you are. +Ah, my dear Napoleon, sometimes I feel that I am not really an Emperor as you are. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I know absolutely nothing of war -- and I am still totally dependent upon my generals. +Yes -- who spoke up? I did, sir. +Yes, Captain? Have you anything you wish to say? Yes, with all due respect, I do Citizen Barras. +Yes, with all due respect, I do Citizen Barras. Please... +Please... May I come to the map? +Ah, my dear friend, come in, come in. Please sit down. I'm sorry, I was at the theater and I didn't receive your note until I returned to my hotel. +I'm sorry, I was at the theater and I didn't receive your note until I returned to my hotel. Thank you for coming. Would you care for a drink? +Thank you for coming. Would you care for a drink? No, thank you. +I don't have to tell you of our latest difficulties. Things are quite serious, I should say. +Things are quite serious, I should say. We expect an attack on the Convention tomorrow morning, at daybreak, and I have been placed in charge of its defense. +We expect an attack on the Convention tomorrow morning, at daybreak, and I have been placed in charge of its defense. What do you have in mind? +What do you have in mind? To be perfectly honest, I haven't the vaguest idea. +To be perfectly honest, I haven't the vaguest idea. Are you serious? +Are you serious? I don't even know whether a defense is possible. +I don't even know whether a defense is possible. What forces do you have at your disposal? +What forces do you have at your disposal? About 5,000 troops. +About 5,000 troops. Cavalry? +Cavalry? The 21st Dragoons, about two or three-hundred troopers. +The 21st Dragoons, about two or three-hundred troopers. Any cannon? +Any cannon? There are none here. +There are none here. Where are they? +Where are they? Well, I believe there are at least 30 guns at Sablons. +Well, I believe there are at least 30 guns at Sablons. You could have them here by daybreak. +You could have them here by daybreak. Is this enough to oppose 40,000 men? +Is this enough to oppose 40,000 men? Properly arranged, yes. +Properly arranged, yes. These are odds of 8 to 1. +These are odds of 8 to 1. The numbers are not particularly relevant. You are not up against soldiers -- this is a mob, and they will run as soon as things become sufficiently unpleasant. +The numbers are not particularly relevant. You are not up against soldiers -- this is a mob, and they will run as soon as things become sufficiently unpleasant. Would you be prepared to handle this for me? +Would you be prepared to handle this for me? Are you proposing to transfer command to me? +Are you proposing to transfer command to me? In every practical sense, yes, but, officially, of course, I would have to retain command. +In every practical sense, yes, but, officially, of course, I would have to retain command. Fair enough. +Fair enough. I must be honest with you. I first approached three generals more senior than yourself, and they all very prudently sent excuses. +I must be honest with you. I first approached three generals more senior than yourself, and they all very prudently sent excuses. I'm not insulted. +I'm not insulted. You realize what is at stake? +You realize what is at stake? Our lives, the revolution, my career? +Our lives, the revolution, my career? Look, let me be completely open with you, I have a carriage and an escort waiting for me, and I have a great deal of money outside of France. Unless we stand a very good chance of carrying this off, I am prepared to call it quits right now. +Well, Belliard, what's this? What are you doing here? Where is the enemy? They are at the gates of Paris, sire. +They are at the gates of Paris, sire. And where is the army? +And where is the army? It is on this road, sire, following me. +It is on this road, sire, following me. And who is defending Paris? +And who is defending Paris? Paris is evacuated, sire. The enemy is to enter at nine o'clock tomorrow morning. The National Guard is on duty at the gates. +Paris is evacuated, sire. The enemy is to enter at nine o'clock tomorrow morning. The National Guard is on duty at the gates. Paris has surrendered?! I don't believe it. +Paris has surrendered?! I don't believe it. Unhappily, it is true, sire. +Unhappily, it is true, sire. But where are my wife and son? What's become of them? Where is Marmont? Where is Mortier? +But where are my wife and son? What's become of them? Where is Marmont? Where is Mortier? The Empress, your son and the whole court left two days ago for Rambouillet. Marshals Mortier and Marmont are probably still in Paris, completing the arrangements. +But, sire, Your Majesty would lay Paris open to being sacked. The enemy is outside the gates with more than 120,000 men. Besides this, I left the city under the terms of a treaty and I am forbidden to reenter Paris. A treaty? Don't be ridiculous. What treaty is this? Who made it? Who has been giving orders? +A treaty? Don't be ridiculous. What treaty is this? Who made it? Who has been giving orders? I don't know the details of the treaty, sire, Marshal Mortier sent me word of its having been agreed to, and he said that I was to take the army and make for Fontainebleau. +I don't know the details of the treaty, sire, Marshal Mortier sent me word of its having been agreed to, and he said that I was to take the army and make for Fontainebleau. But who made this treaty? +But who made this treaty? I believe it was arranged by Marshals Mortier and Marmont. I must explain to you that we have had no orders all day. Each marshal has been keeping his own position. +I believe it was arranged by Marshals Mortier and Marmont. I must explain to you that we have had no orders all day. Each marshal has been keeping his own position. Who sent my wife and son out of Paris? +Who sent my wife and son out of Paris? I don't know, sire. +I don't know, sire. And where is Joseph? +And where is Joseph? I don't know what has happened to Prince Joseph. +I don't know what has happened to Prince Joseph. What cowardice! What treason! Joseph has ruined everything. How could they all lose their heads. They knew I was coming up fast. Victory was just within grasp. Come, come, turn your troops around, General Belliard. +Josephine dead -- how unbelievable! How impossible it is to believe it. She was always physically so strong -- she was never ill a day in her life. It is a terrible shock. +But did she have the best doctors? Wasn't there any chance at all to save her? I don't know, sire -- she had the Tsar's personal physician. +I don't know, sire -- she had the Tsar's personal physician. She should have had Larrey or Corvisart. They might have saved her... But why didn't anyone even write to me? Can you believe that no one even bothered to write to me? Would you have believed that I should read such news in a newspaper? How incredible! +She should have had Larrey or Corvisart. They might have saved her... But why didn't anyone even write to me? Can you believe that no one even bothered to write to me? Would you have believed that I should read such news in a newspaper? How incredible! That is incredible. +That is incredible. Ah, my poor Josephine. She was the most alluring, most glamorous creature I have ever known -- a woman in every sense of the word, and she had the kindest heart in the world. She may have been a liar and a spendthrift, but she had something that was irresistible -- she was a women to her very fingertips... How impossible it is to believe that she is dead. +Ah, my poor Josephine. She was the most alluring, most glamorous creature I have ever known -- a woman in every sense of the word, and she had the kindest heart in the world. She may have been a liar and a spendthrift, but she had something that was irresistible -- she was a women to her very fingertips... How impossible it is to believe that she is dead. I have never heard an unkind word about her spoken. +I have never heard an unkind word about her spoken. I suppose I might blame her for opening her house to the men most responsible to my downfall, but how can I? She was on her own again, she had to look after her own affairs, and how can one blame her for having her head turned by the attention of Kings? +Who is there? Bertrand, sire. +Bertrand, sire. I have just had the most vivid... dream... about Josephine. +I have just had the most vivid... dream... about Josephine. Yes, sire? +Yes, sire? She was sitting there... and it was as if I had last seen her only the night before... She hadn't changed -- she was still the same -- still completely devoted to me... and she told me we were going to see each other again and, never again, leave each other... She has promised me. Did you see her? +She was sitting there... and it was as if I had last seen her only the night before... She hadn't changed -- she was still the same -- still completely devoted to me... and she told me we were going to see each other again and, never again, leave each other... She has promised me. Did you see her? No, sire... I was asleep. +No, sire... I was asleep. I wanted to kiss her, but she didn't want to kiss me... She slipped away, the moment I wanted to take her in my arms. +Read it back. To Joseph Bonaparte -- Dear Joseph, I have been informed by my wife of the cold and spiteful treatment she has been receiving at the hands of my family, since my departure. I am also informed that you have refused to pay over to her any of the money I left with you expressly for this purpose. Must you, too, take this opportunity during my absence to indulge the petty jealousies of the Bonaparte family? +To Joseph Bonaparte -- Dear Joseph, I have been informed by my wife of the cold and spiteful treatment she has been receiving at the hands of my family, since my departure. I am also informed that you have refused to pay over to her any of the money I left with you expressly for this purpose. Must you, too, take this opportunity during my absence to indulge the petty jealousies of the Bonaparte family? Oh, shit, that's not right. +General Bonaparte? Come back in an hour. +Come back in an hour. Excuse me, General Bonaparte, but I believe this is an extremely urgent matter, requiring your immediate attention. +Excuse me, General Bonaparte, but I believe this is an extremely urgent matter, requiring your immediate attention. Come in. +This dispatch has just arrived from Aboukir, marked highest priority, for General Bonaparte's eyes only. Let me see it. +I believe you are acquainted with my brother, Joseph Bonaparte, and my aide, Major Junot. Yes, sir, I had the honor of meeting them on the trip from Paris. +Captain Charles, I believe you are one of General Le Clerc's aides-de- camp. Yes, sir, I am. +Yes, sir, I am. Was it he who assigned you to command the escort which accompanied Madame Bonaparte's coach? +Was it he who assigned you to command the escort which accompanied Madame Bonaparte's coach? Yes, sir. +Was the trip normal in every respect? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Did any difficulties of any kind arise during the trip? +Did any difficulties of any kind arise during the trip? No, sir, none at all. +Then, you have my thanks, Captain Charles, for safely escorting Madame Bonaparte to Milan, and you may consider your assignment completed. Thank you, sir. +Thank you, sir. You will return to Paris tomorrow and you will carry my compliments and thanks to General Le Clerc for assigning such an excellent officer to carry out a responsibility which has meant so much to myself and to Madame Bonaparte. +You will return to Paris tomorrow and you will carry my compliments and thanks to General Le Clerc for assigning such an excellent officer to carry out a responsibility which has meant so much to myself and to Madame Bonaparte. Thank you, sir. I will do that. +Thank you, sir. I will do that. You may go, Captain Charles. +Yes, sir? A glass of champagne, please. +A glass of champagne, please. Yes, sir. I hope you will excuse me for asking, General Bonaparte, but are you Corsican? +Yes, sir. I hope you will excuse me for asking, General Bonaparte, but are you Corsican? Yes, I am. +Yes, I am. I thought so, I noticed your name when you were announced. I'm Corsican too -- my name is Arena. +I thought so, I noticed your name when you were announced. I'm Corsican too -- my name is Arena. Oh -- where do you come from? +Oh -- where do you come from? Bastia -- and you? +Bastia -- and you? Ajaccio. +Ajaccio. Have you been back recently? +I haven't been there for three years. I haven't been back for ten years. Is your family still there? +I haven't been back for ten years. Is your family still there? No, they're living in Nice now. +No, they're living in Nice now. That's a nice city. This is your first time here, isn't it? +That's a nice city. This is your first time here, isn't it? Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. +Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. You don't know many of Citizen Barras' friends, do you? +You don't know many of Citizen Barras' friends, do you? Ah-hh, no. +Ah-hh, no. I thought not. I noticed you by yourself, all night. +Just a minute, General. Listen, don't let them fool you with all their grand la-de-da. They've all made their money from the war -- mostly from crooked war contracts. They say Citizen Barras has put away millions. I see... +Hello there, Picart. Ah, Didier -- you are alive. +Ah, Didier -- you are alive. Why are you carrying the dog? +Why are you carrying the dog? His paws are frozen and he cannot walk. +His paws are frozen and he cannot walk. When you eat him, may I have some? +When you eat him, may I have some? My God -- don't you recognize Mouton -- our regimental dog? I would rather eat Cossack. +My God...! What time is it? Four o'clock. +Four o'clock. My God, what a fire! +When did it start? The first reports came in at about ten. +The first reports came in at about ten. Why didn't you wake me then? +Why didn't you wake me then? At first, it hardly seemed more than a routine fire. +At first, it hardly seemed more than a routine fire. How did it spread so quickly? +How did it spread so quickly? It is the work of incendiaries. +It is the work of incendiaries. I told Mortier that he would answer with his life for any looting. +I told Mortier that he would answer with his life for any looting. Our troops have no part in this. It has been started by the Russians! +Our troops have no part in this. It has been started by the Russians! Impossible, I don't believe it. +Impossible, I don't believe it. We have already captured a dozen incendiaries, convicts, released just two days ago. They said they were acting under orders of the secret police. +We have already captured a dozen incendiaries, convicts, released just two days ago. They said they were acting under orders of the secret police. But to start a fire like this in five hours -- how is it possible? It would take a carefully organized plan, tons of combustibles and hundreds of people. +But to start a fire like this in five hours -- how is it possible? It would take a carefully organized plan, tons of combustibles and hundreds of people. From what we can tell, there are hundreds of agents, all over the city. The combustibles seem to have been carefully placed beforehand, and all the fire-engines have been removed from the city. +From what we can tell, there are hundreds of agents, all over the city. The combustibles seem to have been carefully placed beforehand, and all the fire-engines have been removed from the city. My God -- this could be very bad for us... very bad, indeed. +Good heavens, Ambassador -- what has happened? Ah, good evening, my dear Duroc. I'm afraid I've been out hunting and I have had a rather bad fall. +Ah, good evening, my dear Duroc. I'm afraid I've been out hunting and I have had a rather bad fall. Indeed you have, Ambassador. Have you sent for a doctor? +Indeed you have, Ambassador. Have you sent for a doctor? Yes, I have, and I hope you will forgive me, Duroc, but unless your visit is extremely urgent, I shall have to ask you to excuse me until tomorrow. +Yes, I have, and I hope you will forgive me, Duroc, but unless your visit is extremely urgent, I shall have to ask you to excuse me until tomorrow. I beg your indulgence, Ambassador, but it is. +I beg your indulgence, Ambassador, but it is. Oh? +The Emperor has decided to marry your Archduchess, Marie-Louise. What is that? +What is that? Earlier this afternoon, the Emperor refused the hand of the Grand Duchess Anna, of Russia, and, as I'm sure you can appreciate, he is quite able to change his mind again. For the Emperor, to choose a wife, is only a matter of minutes. +Earlier this afternoon, the Emperor refused the hand of the Grand Duchess Anna, of Russia, and, as I'm sure you can appreciate, he is quite able to change his mind again. For the Emperor, to choose a wife, is only a matter of minutes. But this is not a matter which can be settled tonight, surely? +But this is not a matter which can be settled tonight, surely? No one can say how the Emperor's thoughts work, Ambassador, and unless we move quickly, he might change his mind again. +No one can say how the Emperor's thoughts work, Ambassador, and unless we move quickly, he might change his mind again. But, my dear Duroc, how can I act without guidance from Vienna? I haven't the slightest idea of how the Emperor Francis might feel about this. +But, my dear Duroc, how can I act without guidance from Vienna? I haven't the slightest idea of how the Emperor Francis might feel about this. May I suggest that we can prepare and sign the agreement, between ourselves, subject to the approval of the two Emperors. Believe me, my dear friend, your Archduchess, Marie-Louis, may very well hold, in her hands, the future of our two countries. +Good morning, Citizen de Beauharnais. Good morning, sir. Are you General Bonaparte? +Good morning, sir. Are you General Bonaparte? I am, Citizen. Is your mother Madame Josephine de Beauharnais? +I am, Citizen. Is your mother Madame Josephine de Beauharnais? Yes, sir. Are you acquainted with her? +Yes, sir. Are you acquainted with her? I have met her. What is your business with me? +I have met her. What is your business with me? I believe you issued an order that all citizens of Paris must hand over any weapons that they have in their possession. +I believe you issued an order that all citizens of Paris must hand over any weapons that they have in their possession. That is correct. +That is correct. This morning, a Lieutenant and three soldiers came to our house and asked if we had weapons. I explained we had only my late father's sword, which, in fact, was not a weapon but only a keepsake of memory. +This morning, a Lieutenant and three soldiers came to our house and asked if we had weapons. I explained we had only my late father's sword, which, in fact, was not a weapon but only a keepsake of memory. A sword is a weapon whatever else you might wish to use it for. +A sword is a weapon whatever else you might wish to use it for. I told the Lieutenant my late father was General Alexander de Beauharnais, and asked if there was any consideration that might be given to his memory. +I told the Lieutenant my late father was General Alexander de Beauharnais, and asked if there was any consideration that might be given to his memory. And he sent you to me? +And he sent you to me? He said no one had the authority to rescind the order except you. +He said no one had the authority to rescind the order except you. Does your mother know you have come? +Does your mother know you have come? No, sir. +No, sir. Well, then, you have a lot of initiative, my young friend. +Well, then, you have a lot of initiative, my young friend. My father's sword means more to me than any other possession I have. +My father's sword means more to me than any other possession I have. You realize, of course, that thousands of swords have been collected. How do you expect me to find yours? +Ah, my dear Francis, what a genuine pleasure it is to meet you at last. I fear our meeting is long overdue... Napoleon. +I fear our meeting is long overdue... Napoleon. I'm sorry that I am unable to offer you better hospitality, but this is the only place I have inhabited for the past month. +I'm sorry that I am unable to offer you better hospitality, but this is the only place I have inhabited for the past month. You have made such excellent use of it; I should think you will hate to leave it. +You have made such excellent use of it; I should think you will hate to leave it. Shall we move closer to the fire? +Shall we move closer to the fire? Yes -- an excellent idea. +Will Alexander be joining us soon? I very much doubt that he will. +I very much doubt that he will. Oh...? +Oh...? I'm afraid he has been rather upset by the outcome of the battle. +I'm afraid he has been rather upset by the outcome of the battle. I see. +But he asked me to say... on his behalf... that your achievements have increased his... admiration for you, and that he believes... your success is predestined by heaven... and that his army... My dear Francis, you do seem extremely uncomfortable. +My dear Francis, you do seem extremely uncomfortable. I'm afraid I am, just a bit. +I'm afraid I am, just a bit. Would you like some brandy? +Would you like some brandy? Thank you. +Thank you. I'll have the fire built up. +Thank you, Napoleon. Francis, may I ask whether you wear warm winter underwear? +No -- not as a rule. Ah, well, that is the first rule of warfare. You must wear long-sleeved and long-legged underwear. You can never conjure up brilliancies with a cold bottom. +Good evening, sir. Good evening, Mademoiselle. +The weather is terrible, isn't it, sir? Yes, it is. It must be one of the worst nights we have had this winter. +Yes, it is. It must be one of the worst nights we have had this winter. Yes, it must be. +You must be chilled to the bone, standing out of doors like this. Yes, I am, sir. +Yes, I am, sir. Then what brings you out on such a night? +Then what brings you out on such a night? Well, one must do something to live, you know -- and I have an elderly mother who depends on me. +Well, one must do something to live, you know -- and I have an elderly mother who depends on me. Oh, I see... That must be a great burden. +Oh, I see... That must be a great burden. One must take life as it comes -- do you live in Lyon, sir? +One must take life as it comes -- do you live in Lyon, sir? No, I'm only here on leave. My regiment is at Valence. +No, I'm only here on leave. My regiment is at Valence. Are you staying with a friend, sir? +Are you staying with a friend, sir? No... I have a... room... at the Hotel de Perrin. +No... I have a... room... at the Hotel de Perrin. Is it a nice warm room, sir? +Is it a nice warm room, sir? Well, it must be a good deal warmer than it is here on the street. +Well, it must be a good deal warmer than it is here on the street. Would you like to take me there, so that we can get warm, sir? +Would you like to take me there, so that we can get warm, sir? Uh-hh... yes, of course -- if you would like to go... there... but... I have very little money. +Uh-hh... yes, of course -- if you would like to go... there... but... I have very little money. Do you have three francs, sir? +Br-rrr, these sheets are like ice. Oh, I'm sorry about that. +What's your name? Lisette. +Lisette. Only Lisette? +Only Lisette? Lisette La Croix. +Lisette La Croix. That's a very nice name. Where are you from? +That's a very nice name. Where are you from? Please, sir, come into bed or I shall die of a chill. +Please, sir, come into bed or I shall die of a chill. Oh, yes... of course. +I would like both of you to read this. Please read it aloud. To Citizen General Bonaparte from one who does not wish to see him dishonored by his wife. You should know, Citizen General, that your wife has taken a lover, one Captain Hippolyte Charles... undated and unsigned. +Naturally, one does not take much stock in such a piece of filth but, on the other hand, it is not the sort of thing one can simply ignore. What do you think, Joseph? No... +No... Junot? +No... nothing at all. Not even the slightest hint of something? +Not even the slightest hint of something? No -- Captain Charles commanded the cavalry escort, and rode outside the carriage. In the evenings, he always ate at another table. They hardly ever spoke to each other. +No -- Captain Charles commanded the cavalry escort, and rode outside the carriage. In the evenings, he always ate at another table. They hardly ever spoke to each other. You would tell me, Joseph, wouldn't you? +You would tell me, Joseph, wouldn't you? Yes, of course, I would. You know I am not one of your wife's greatest admirers, but I certainly know nothing about this. +Yes, of course, I would. You know I am not one of your wife's greatest admirers, but I certainly know nothing about this. And you, Junot? +The important thing is to find the right lawyer. One who will not protract the thing indefinitely, in the courts. You know I am only too happy to be of help to you, but surely this isn't the ideal moment to involve yourself in such matters. +You know I am only too happy to be of help to you, but surely this isn't the ideal moment to involve yourself in such matters. I know of no better time. +I know of no better time. You can't be serious. It would not be good to become another husband out of a Moliere farce. +You can't be serious. It would not be good to become another husband out of a Moliere farce. The comedy of my marriage is sufficiently well known already. +The comedy of my marriage is sufficiently well known already. You must not act impetuously. +You must not act impetuously. It is time to clarify the situation. Everything is over between us. +It is time to clarify the situation. Everything is over between us. But you can do the same thing in six months. The next few weeks may be the most important ones in your life. +But you can do the same thing in six months. The next few weeks may be the most important ones in your life. My mind is made up. She will not set foot in my house again. I think if I saw her again, I might be tempted to strangle her. +Are you sure that you are not still in love with her? Are you trying to insult me? +Are you trying to insult me? Of course not, but such violence of feeling makes me wonder. +Of course not, but such violence of feeling makes me wonder. Well, you shall see. +Well, you shall see. When is she supposed to return? +When is she supposed to return? I have no idea. Her maid said she left two days ago, to meet me -- I can imagine where she is. But when she finally does come home, she will find her things in the street and my door locked. +I have no idea. Her maid said she left two days ago, to meet me -- I can imagine where she is. But when she finally does come home, she will find her things in the street and my door locked. She will probably appear with a dozen excuses and you will forgive her anyway. +She will probably appear with a dozen excuses and you will forgive her anyway. My dear Joseph, the only thing that is clear is that my wife is a slut -- and while a man may want a slut for his mistress, he does not want her for his wife. +Will you use the troops? Only as a last resort. What are the Councils doing now? +Ah, my dear Madame de Montesquiou, you have no idea what happiness it brings me to see this child, at last. I was told the very idea of such a visit would too much distress the Empress. I am delighted to be of service to you again, Your Highness. And I can tell you, my instructions came directly from the Emperor, with a caution to be discreet. +I am delighted to be of service to you again, Your Highness. And I can tell you, my instructions came directly from the Emperor, with a caution to be discreet. Oh... I see. I understand. How is... the Emperor? +Oh... I see. I understand. How is... the Emperor? I rarely see him, Your Highness, but I believe he is in excellent health, and he is very happy with the child. +I rarely see him, Your Highness, but I believe he is in excellent health, and he is very happy with the child. Ah, that is good. +Ah, that is good. And, you seem in excellent health, Your Highness. +And, you seem in excellent health, Your Highness. Ah, well, my dear Madame de Montesquiou, peace of mind can eventually be a substitute for happiness. +Ah, how nice to meet you, General Bonaparte. One has read so much about you lately. Please sit down. Thank you, Madame de Beauharnais. You probably don't recall but we met briefly a few months ago, at a party at Paul's house. +Thank you, Madame de Beauharnais. You probably don't recall but we met briefly a few months ago, at a party at Paul's house. Oh... yes, of course! Have you met my daughter, Hortense? +Oh... yes, of course! Have you met my daughter, Hortense? Yes, we introduced ourselves at the door. +Yes, we introduced ourselves at the door. May I offer you a drink? +May I offer you a drink? Oh, I don't want to put you to any inconvenience. +Oh, I don't want to put you to any inconvenience. Oh, it's not the slightest inconvenience, General Bonaparte. It is an honor to have you here. +Oh, it's not the slightest inconvenience, General Bonaparte. It is an honor to have you here. You are very kind, Madame de Beauharnais. Do you have some sherry, perhaps? +You are very kind, Madame de Beauharnais. Do you have some sherry, perhaps? Yes, of course. Hortense, darling, will you tell Louise to bring some sherry? +I hope you will forgive me for barging in on you like this, Madame de Beauharnais. I called to bring this to your son, but I understand from your charming daughter that he is out for the afternoon. Yes, I'm afraid he is. I believe he is riding. I know he'll be heartbroken to have missed you. +Yes, I'm afraid he is. I believe he is riding. I know he'll be heartbroken to have missed you. Well, I'm sure that you will be just as pleased to have this as he will be. +Oh... how very nice of you to bring that for Eugene... Did General de Beauharnais give it to you? No, I'm afraid I never had the pleasure of meeting the General. This sword was taken several days ago from your son by some of my soldiers. +No, I'm afraid I never had the pleasure of meeting the General. This sword was taken several days ago from your son by some of my soldiers. Oh, you must forgive me, General Bonaparte, I'm afraid you will think me incredibly stupid but I know absolutely nothing about this. Eugene is so independent -- he hardly tells me anything any more, and he has so many things in his room, I must confess I wasn't even aware that he had this sword -- you know how boys can be! +Were you in love with him? I thought I was. I was confused. +I thought I was. I was confused. And now? +And now? Now, I know that I shall die if you leave me. +Now, I know that I shall die if you leave me. Do you expect me to believe that? +Do you expect me to believe that? Yes. +And you, are you in love with any one else? No. +No. But you have had mistresses while you were away. +But you have had mistresses while you were away. Of course. +Of course. Were you in love with any of them? +Were you in love with any of them? No. +No. Were they pretty? +Were they pretty? Yes. +Yes. Were any of them prettier than I am? +Were any of them prettier than I am? One had better legs. +One had better legs. Were any of them married? +Were any of them married? Yes. They were the easiest. I made love to one of them within ten minutes of our first meeting. +Yes. They were the easiest. I made love to one of them within ten minutes of our first meeting. She must have been in love with you. +She must have been in love with you. Not in the least. After all, what is adultery -- only a brief transaction on a couch, requiring a few minutes of privacy. +Promise me you will never leave me. I cannot promise you that. +I cannot promise you that. Promise me. +Promise me. I will never forgive you. +I will never forgive you. I don't care, but promise you will never leave me. +I don't care, but promise you will never leave me. I don't understand you. +I don't understand you. Promise. +Promise. Promises mean nothing. +Promises mean nothing. Perhaps -- but tell me you promise, anyway. +Perhaps -- but tell me you promise, anyway. All right -- I promise. +All right -- I promise. You are my old friend. +Yes -- what is it? Open the door. It's me. +Open the door. It's me. Go away -- I'm busy. +Go away -- I'm busy. I know what you're doing in there. +I know what you're doing in there. Don't be ridiculous and go away -- I'm busy working. +Don't be ridiculous and go away -- I'm busy working. Where is Madame Trillaud? +Where is Madame Trillaud? How should I know. Ask Roquier -- he's cleaning her dress. +How should I know. Ask Roquier -- he's cleaning her dress. What are you doing in there? +What are you doing in there? Oh -- now, this is absolutely ridiculous! If you don't want to be humiliated in front of your guests, you will return to the table at once. +Oh -- now, this is absolutely ridiculous! If you don't want to be humiliated in front of your guests, you will return to the table at once. Will you be joining us, soon? +Will you be joining us, soon? I will be there in five minutes. Go back to your guests. +I will be there in five minutes. Go back to your guests. Five minutes. +Five minutes. Yes!! +Yes!! Five minutes. +Five minutes. Goodbye. +Separate bedrooms? Yes. +Yes. But you will not... be safe... +But you will not... be safe... Not be safe? What on earth are you talking about? +Not be safe? What on earth are you talking about? In case of a... surprise attack... at night... I am such a... light sleeper... I could wake you... I could scream. +Who is it? It's me. +I didn't mean the things that I said... I was angry and I said more than I meant to. Oh, my darling. I'm sorry, too. I won't do that again -- whatever you do. I won't cause you any more embarrassment, I promise. +Oh -- I didn't tell you... I've seen Dr. Corvisart, and he was very reassuring and encouraging. He has had excellent results with the waters of Plombiers, and he thinks it would be a good idea for me to spend a few weeks there. Apparently, he sent Madame Le Floch there last year, and she gave birth to twins. Indeed -- well, you may tell Dr. Corvisart, I should be entirely satisfied with half her success. +No, one cannot simply ignore it. I am afraid, then, I have to ask you both, Joseph as my brother, and Junot as my good friend, whether or not you know anything about this, or whether you saw anything at all during the trip which might make you suspect some truth to it. +I believe you sent for me. Yes, yes, please sit down. I will be with you in a moment. +God damn it, Junot, wouldn't you think I have enough things on my mind not to waste time on a letter like this to Joseph? There's probably some explanation. +There's probably some explanation. Yes, I'm sure he's been too busy chasing his whores to be bothered about my wife. +Well, anyway, sorry to call you away from the festivities, but where is the breakdown on serviceable vehicles? I asked for it yesterday. I gave it to Berthier... this afternoon. +I gave it to Berthier... this afternoon. Why did you give it to him? +Why did you give it to him? I thought he would be seeing you before I would, and would give it to you. +I thought he would be seeing you before I would, and would give it to you. Well, he didn't give it to me, and when I ask you to do something for me, return the work to me, not to Berthier. +Well, he didn't give it to me, and when I ask you to do something for me, return the work to me, not to Berthier. I'm sorry, I thought he would give it to you. +I'm sorry, I thought he would give it to you. I must have the breakdown now. Where is Berthier? +I must have the breakdown now. Where is Berthier? He's downstairs -- somewhere. +He's downstairs -- somewhere. All right, thank you. Please ask him to come here. +Yes... but, first, can I say something to you, as a friend? Certainly. +Certainly. I know that I shouldn't butt into things... that are really no concern of mine... but you shouldn't write a letter like that to Joseph. +I know that I shouldn't butt into things... that are really no concern of mine... but you shouldn't write a letter like that to Joseph. Why not? +Why not? Well, maybe he's only looking out for your best interests. +Well, maybe he's only looking out for your best interests. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Nothing. That's all I can say. +Nothing. That's all I can say. That's all you can say? What are you talking about? +That's all you can say? What are you talking about? That's all I can say. +That's all I can say. Now, just a minute. You have just very clearly implied that there is a reason why Joseph should not give my wife the money which I left for her. I can't possibly allow a remark like that to go without explanation. +Now, just a minute. You have just very clearly implied that there is a reason why Joseph should not give my wife the money which I left for her. I can't possibly allow a remark like that to go without explanation. Let's just say, he looks after your interests. +Look, Junot, you aren't going to leave this room until you explain yourself. There are some things... better left unsaid. +There are some things... better left unsaid. You mean about my wife?! You mean there are some things better left unsaid about Josephine?! +What the hell is the matter with you? I didn't want to hurt you... All I wanted to do was to keep from hurting you. I swear I didn't want to hurt you. +I didn't want to hurt you... All I wanted to do was to keep from hurting you. I swear I didn't want to hurt you. Well, whatever the hell you wanted to do, you are going to tell me everything right now. Do you understand?! +Well, whatever the hell you wanted to do, you are going to tell me everything right now. Do you understand?! You know that... letter you showed me in Milan -- the one about Hippolyte Charles? +You know that... letter you showed me in Milan -- the one about Hippolyte Charles? Yes. +Yes. I wrote it. +I wrote it. What? +What? Yes, I wrote it. +Yes, I wrote it. You wrote it. +You wrote it. I couldn't face telling you. +I couldn't face telling you. You couldn't face telling me what? +You couldn't face telling me what? About Hippolyte Charles. +About Hippolyte Charles. What was there to tell? +What was there to tell? My God, what do you think? +My God, what do you think? Do you know what you're saying? +Do you know what you're saying? God help me -- yes. +God help me -- yes. How do you know? +How do you know? I know. +I know. How do you know? +I was in her maid's room at an inn we stopped at for the night, outside of Dijon. It was an adjoining room to Madame Bonaparte's. Yes? +You could hear them? Yes. +You mean you heard them making love? Yes. +How did you know it was Captain Charles? I questioned the maid, and she admitted Charles had been Madame Bonaparte's lover for several months. +I questioned the maid, and she admitted Charles had been Madame Bonaparte's lover for several months. Can you give me a drink, please? +Can you give me a drink, please? Yes, of course. What do you want? +I wanted to kill him but Joseph convinced me it would be a mistake. He said people would say you hadn't the courage to deal with it yourself. And was it so widely known that Joseph had reason for such concern? +And was it so widely known that Joseph had reason for such concern? I believe so. I believe Madame Bonaparte was not discreet, in Paris. +Good day, monsieur. Do you think it is possible for you to tell your driver to stop ringing that bell? My regrets, my dear Major, but I believe you have been blocking the road. +My regrets, my dear Major, but I believe you have been blocking the road. Are you trying to provoke me, monsieur? +Are you trying to provoke me, monsieur? No, Major, I merely wish to state that your vehicle appears to be somewhat slower and heavier than mine, and point out that, if you would be kind enough to pull over to one side of the road, I could pass you and be on my way. +No, Major, I merely wish to state that your vehicle appears to be somewhat slower and heavier than mine, and point out that, if you would be kind enough to pull over to one side of the road, I could pass you and be on my way. May I inform you, monsieur, that I am Major Fidon, official courier to the court of the Emperor Napoleon, on my way to our Embassy at St. Petersburg and, in accordance with the rules of the road, no one may overtake or pass me. +May I inform you, monsieur, that I am Major Fidon, official courier to the court of the Emperor Napoleon, on my way to our Embassy at St. Petersburg and, in accordance with the rules of the road, no one may overtake or pass me. Before you quote the rules of the road to me, Major, may I point out to you that you are not in France now, but that you are a guest in Russia. +Before you quote the rules of the road to me, Major, may I point out to you that you are not in France now, but that you are a guest in Russia. If I have given you any cause to be insulted, monsieur, may I offer you immediate satisfaction? +If I have given you any cause to be insulted, monsieur, may I offer you immediate satisfaction? If you wish to put things on that basis, then I will say good day to you, monsieur. +Good evening, ladies. You must forgive me, my dearest wife, but I simply could not wait to see you. Oh, then you are... +Oh, then you are... Yes, my dearest Marie-Louise, I am your husband. +And, where did you see my portrait? Ah, you must forgive me, my dearest Marie-Louise, I saw it during one of my stays at your palace -- at Schonbrunn. +And, you, my dear wife, do you find that I resemble my portraits? You are much younger, and much more handsome, than your pictures. +Do you like music? Yes, I do -- very much. +Yes, I do -- very much. Will I be able to play the harp? It is an instrument of which I am very fond. +Will I be able to play the harp? It is an instrument of which I am very fond. Of course, my dear. +Of course, my dear. You are so good to me. Will you also allow me to have a botanical garden? +You are so good to me. Will you also allow me to have a botanical garden? You may have anything you wish, my sweet and lovely Marie-Louise. +You may have anything you wish, my sweet and lovely Marie-Louise. I am told that Fontainebleau has many lovely views. I know nothing more interesting than a lovely countryside. +I am told that Fontainebleau has many lovely views. I know nothing more interesting than a lovely countryside. I am sure you will enjoy the French countryside. +I am sure you will enjoy the French countryside. I hope you have patience with me. I do not know how to dance the quadrille but, if you desire it, I will learn. +I hope you have patience with me. I do not know how to dance the quadrille but, if you desire it, I will learn. I only desire what gives you pleasure, my dearest. +I only desire what gives you pleasure, my dearest. Will it be possible to have my dog, Bijou, sent here? I was not allowed to bring her and I love her so much. +Will it be possible to have my dog, Bijou, sent here? I was not allowed to bring her and I love her so much. Of course, my dear -- how cruel to have been separated from her. And how strange it must be for you to be here, away from your family and everything you know. +Of course, my dear -- how cruel to have been separated from her. And how strange it must be for you to be here, away from your family and everything you know. Oh, no, I am very happy. But you must have patience with me... I know nothing at all of what a wife must know. And I know nothing about men. My papa has never allowed me even to have a pet of the male gender. +Oh, no, I am very happy. But you must have patience with me... I know nothing at all of what a wife must know. And I know nothing about men. My papa has never allowed me even to have a pet of the male gender. Did the Emperor or Empress give you any... instructions of any kind... before you left? +Did the Emperor or Empress give you any... instructions of any kind... before you left? Papa said only to comply with any request you might make of me. +Papa said only to comply with any request you might make of me. Oh, my dearest child -- you must not worry about anything. I will teach you everything that you must know. +Do you know the joke about the two Swiss boys who go to a bordello for the first time? No. +No. Well, two nice little Swiss boys, who are virgins, decide they will save up their money and go to a bordello. +Article 46, calls for the virtual dismemberment of Prussia, reducing her population by half and her army to a token force. Does she deserve anything better? +Does she deserve anything better? Those are extremely harsh terms. +Those are extremely harsh terms. I did not ask her to go to war against me. +I did not ask her to go to war against me. Has Alexander agreed to this? +Has Alexander agreed to this? Yes, he has. +"Now, the section headed ""Secret Clauses of the Treaty"" -- Article 14b, provides for Alexander to serve as mediator between France and England and, if he fails to achieve a preliminary agreement within four months, it further provides that Russia is to go to war against England, and close her ports to English trade." That is correct. +That is correct. Do you think Alexander has any chance to succeed as a mediator? +Do you think Alexander has any chance to succeed as a mediator? I very seriously doubt it. I don't think there is any possibility of making peace with England so long as she sees herself safe from invasion. That is why we must increase the pressure on her economy. With Russia in the Continental Blockade, England must collapse. More than 40% of her trade is with the Continent and Russia. +I very seriously doubt it. I don't think there is any possibility of making peace with England so long as she sees herself safe from invasion. That is why we must increase the pressure on her economy. With Russia in the Continental Blockade, England must collapse. More than 40% of her trade is with the Continent and Russia. England can make no move against you on the Continent without Austria. A reliable treaty with Austria would end her hopes in that regard. +England can make no move against you on the Continent without Austria. A reliable treaty with Austria would end her hopes in that regard. We have a treaty with Austria. +We have a treaty with Austria. Not one I should like to rely on. Francis is still smarting under the terms he had to accept after Austerlitz, and he is under great pressure to recover his losses. +Not one I should like to rely on. Francis is still smarting under the terms he had to accept after Austerlitz, and he is under great pressure to recover his losses. My dear Talleyrand, none of the Kings of Europe bear any friendship for France. It is easy for you to talk of reliable treaties. The only treaties you have been able to negotiate are the ones I have won on the battlefield. +My dear Talleyrand, none of the Kings of Europe bear any friendship for France. It is easy for you to talk of reliable treaties. The only treaties you have been able to negotiate are the ones I have won on the battlefield. What I am talking about is moderation. +What I am talking about is moderation. What you are talking about is a gamble on moderation -- when I gamble, I prefer to gamble on force. +What you are talking about is a gamble on moderation -- when I gamble, I prefer to gamble on force. And where do you place Alexander? +And where do you place Alexander? Alexander and I are friends. We have reached an understanding. +Alexander and I are friends. We have reached an understanding. I hope that understanding is worth as much as you think it is, sire. My impression of Alexander is that he is moody and impressionable, capable of acting on sudden impulses which then lead to sudden embarrassments. He is an unpredictable mixture of idealism and vanity. You have dazzled him, and you have performed a diplomatic miracle, but Alexander is weak and he is easily influenced by the last one who has his ear. +I hope that understanding is worth as much as you think it is, sire. My impression of Alexander is that he is moody and impressionable, capable of acting on sudden impulses which then lead to sudden embarrassments. He is an unpredictable mixture of idealism and vanity. You have dazzled him, and you have performed a diplomatic miracle, but Alexander is weak and he is easily influenced by the last one who has his ear. That is a matter of opinion. +That is a matter of opinion. Sire, you have only enemies in the court of St. Petersburg, and I fear outside your influence, Alexander will have another look at what he has agreed to. +Sire, you have only enemies in the court of St. Petersburg, and I fear outside your influence, Alexander will have another look at what he has agreed to. He will stand by his agreement -- I know him better than you do. +Good day to our brothers-in-arms. Have you come to join us? I am looking for Monsieur George Varlac who resides in the Rue de Frelicot. Do you know him, monsieur? +I am looking for Monsieur George Varlac who resides in the Rue de Frelicot. Do you know him, monsieur? Very well, Citizen Lieutenant. You have come to the right place, for I am Citizen Varlac. +A revolution is not a polite discussion in a parlor, Citizen Lieutenant. One does not call it murder to kill such vermin. You may save your philosophy for the magistrate, Monsieur Varlac. I am only a simple officer in the army, and to me what you have done is called murder, and his always been called murder by honest men. +You may save your philosophy for the magistrate, Monsieur Varlac. I am only a simple officer in the army, and to me what you have done is called murder, and his always been called murder by honest men. Then do you propose to arrest all of us, Citizen Lieutenant? For I was not there alone. +Then do you propose to arrest all of us, Citizen Lieutenant? For I was not there alone. No, Monsieur Varlac, my warrant is only for you. Now, will you please come down at once. You will be taken back to Chalon for trial. +Citizen Lieutenant, my advice is to leave this town at once with your men. We do not wish to do harm to our brothers in uniform. Monsieur Varlac, do not pretend to speak for these good people whom you have misled and inflamed with violent speech. Now, I order you to come down from the cart. +I suggest that you leave with your men while you can. Monsieur Varlac, I will count slowly to five, and if you have not begun to get down from the cart by then, I will carry out your execution, on the spot. +What did you say his name was? Eugene de Beauharnais. +Eugene de Beauharnais. Is he alone? +Is he alone? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Show him in. +Come in. Major Lavallette to see you, General. +Major Lavallette to see you, General. Send him in. +Come in. A message from Citizen Fouche. +A message from Citizen Fouche. Let me have it. +Come in. Citizen Bourrienne to see you, sir. +Citizen Bourrienne to see you, sir. Send him in. +Napoleon was born at Ajaccio in Corsica on August 15th, 1769. He had not been a healthy baby and his mother, Letizia, lavished him with care and devotion. In middle age, he would write about her from St. Helena. My mother has always loved me. She would do anything for me. +His moods at this time were complex and varied. Life is a burden for me. Nothing gives me any pleasure; I find only sadness in everything around me. It is very difficult because the ways of those with whom I live, and probably always shall live, are as different from mine as moonlight is from sunlight. +He made friends with a family called Columbier, and would later write of his first flirtation with their daughter, Caroline. It will scarcely be considered credible, perhaps, but our whole business consisted in eating cherries together. +Napoleon would soon arouse the resentment of the Directory in Paris, exceeding his authority, making political decisions and treaties like a Roman Conqueror, enlarging his role to ruler of Italy. Only his tremendous success and ever increasing popularity prevented the Directory from replacing him. From that moment on, I foresaw what I might be. Already I felt the earth flee beneath me, as if I were being carried away up to the sky. +"On December 2, 1804, Napoleon was made Emperor of France. He would later say: ""I found the crown lying in the gutter and I picked it up.""" Duroc, I have a bill here for 600,000 francs from Tirot, for building the Imperial throne and six decorated arm-chairs. The amount is absurd -- and, at least twice too much. +Led by the warlike Queen Louisa, and her fashion-minded husband, King Frederich Wilhelm, the Prussians still believed themselves cast in the mold of Frederick the Great, and more than a match for Napoleon. The King had a special collection of 60 splendid uniforms, and was personally involved in the design of all the Prussian army uniforms. If the French army had been commanded at Jena and Auerstadt by a tailor, the King of Prussia would certainly have gained the day. +I know Alexander. His imagination must be struck by some great, bold, powerful stroke, and he will come back to me, just as he did at Friedland. With his army of 400,000 men in concealed bivouacs, on a ten mile front, in the forests, bordering the banks of the Vistula river, Napoleon conducted a last minute personal reconnaissance, disguised in the uniform of a Polish lancer. +On January 1st, 1814, France itself was invaded. Now, with a small army of raw recruits, Napoleon would have to face the powerful combination of England, Russia, Prussia and Austria, operating against him together, for the first time. The balance of numbers had tilted irretrievably against him. A year ago, the whole of Europe was marching alongside of us. Today, the whole of Europe is marching against us. +Okay, I know what I want this time. Anything you need. +Anything you need. Yo' cousin, Craig. Hook us up. +Yo' cousin, Craig. Hook us up. That's it? +That's it? Just tell him to come over here and talk to me. +Just tell him to come over here and talk to me. And I can go free? +And I can go free? Go, fo' I change my mind. +Hey, Debo, heard you running from a ass- whippin'? Naw, it ain't like that. +Naw, it ain't like that. If you see that boy again, bite off his ear off like Mike Tyson. +If you see that boy again, bite off his ear off like Mike Tyson. Alright, I'll remember that. +Alright, I'll remember that. You know me? I would've shot his big ass. Hey, Willie, how's it going? Still steppin' in dog shit every day? +Send Betty my love. Boy you looking good. I'mma take these in the house for you, man... and when you finish with this cat, come inside. I got something to show you. Thanks, Unc. +Man, that girl's gonna kill me one day. Viagra ain't working. My back keep going out... she don't never get enough. But check this out. I got to lay some ground rules. Your my family and I love you. You're welcome to anything you want in my home. But I don't wanna catch you in the refrigerator or in my Suga bowl... you feel me knocking? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, let me in. +Well, let me in. Uncle Elroy, who's that girl by Day-Day's car? +Yeah, you gotta have a little money to live out here, Craig. I never thought I'd be the kinda nigga to move to the suburbs. But as soon as I got my check, I was gone. Paid 230 thousand dollars cash on this house. You paid cash? +You paid cash? Cash money. They wasn't gonna stick me with no 30-year payment plan. That's for suckas. They got my daddy like that for a Cadillac years ago. I got the only house on the block that's paid for. That's why I'm the king around here. +It's cool, but where's the water? Don't need water. We didn't have no pool in the projects...so none of us swim. +Don't need water. We didn't have no pool in the projects...so none of us swim. Y'all never use it? +Y'all never use it? Never... But me and Suga can get real nasty in that Jacuzzi, though. +That's okay, Unc. I can't swim, either. Good. +I know you smoke weed, right? Why you say that? +Why you say that? 'Cause your lips is getting black. +Negro, what the hell you doing to my woman? I don't know! +I don't know! Suga! +I don't know, I think I passed out or something. I don't remember. Passed out? Can't hang, huh? Boy, I knew you was a lightweight. Passed out on one funky ass blunt. They don't make 'em like they used to, baby. +No. Thought he was with you. Daddy, Uncle Elroy, I need your help. +Me, too. You think they're in there? Yup. +That's a nice piece of heat right there. Thank you. I only got two bullets in the mothafucka, but it's better than nothing. +Stretch it out. Don't move me. +Who are you? I'm his cousin. +We didn't come here for Day-Day. Yes you did. +Yes you did. No we didn't. We came to buy a CD. +Where's that boy that told me Day-Day was here? I don't know... I think he went out the back. +I don't know... I think he went out the back. Can I look for myself? +Where you going? Ain't the rest room this way? I gotta pee. +No I'm not. I'll do it. +Great moves, Day-Day. What happen? +What you mean talk to her? You know what he mean, dude. +You know what he mean, dude. I'm gone. +For sure. That's how I like 'em. Not me. +Yeah it is...the best day before the weekend. That's fuckin' poetic, Craig. +What's the green stuff poking out? That's cron-don, sir. My mom hates for me to smoke, so she made me bud-brownies. Wanna bite? +That's cron-don, sir. My mom hates for me to smoke, so she made me bud-brownies. Wanna bite? Naw, I already ate. +Naw, I already ate. Come on, Day, try it. For moms. +Sorry, bro, reflexes. How did you do that? Black magic. +Me neither. It's something in that hydraulic pump. +It's about to work, just come on. What about the dog? +Dude, dogs hate me. I don't know why. Me and K-9's just don't get along. Well get along with this one. Go ahead of us. Don't get seen and don't let that mutt out of your sight. +Well get along with this one. Go ahead of us. Don't get seen and don't let that mutt out of your sight. Fuck, what's his name? +Fuck, what's his name? Cheeco. +I ain't trying to rob you... Shut up! Fo' I pump this Glock in yo' ass! What did you do wit Day-Day and Roach? +Shut up! Fo' I pump this Glock in yo' ass! What did you do wit Day-Day and Roach? Man, Day-Day is my people! +Man, Day-Day is my people! I said shut up! Now who sent you? +I said shut up! Now who sent you? Nobody! +Nobody! If you say another word, it's over. I'm not playing! +Shut up. I been trying to tell yo' ass that... Day-Day is my cousin. They're right there in the back. Whatever you say, man. I didn't see shit. The safe combination is 34-5-27. Just take it all. +What's crackin'? You. Hi, Uncle Willie. +You know it's been over a year since we kicked it last? Up at the family reunion. I know, that's when Uncle Elroy cussed out everybody, and threw up in Aunt Faye's backseat. +Yep. I forgot about him cussin' out everybody. Damn that was fun. I know, we had a good time. But ever since you guys moved out here, it seems like we've lost touch. +I know, we had a good time. But ever since you guys moved out here, it seems like we've lost touch. I know; this a long way from Watts. But what I like about living out here is that you don't hear no helicopters, no sirens, no drive-by's, no nothing. Just peace and quiet. Listen. +Who is that? Joker, he just got out of the pen. Li'l Joker, he just got out of Youth Authority. And Baby Joker, he just got out of Juvenile Hall. +Joker, he just got out of the pen. Li'l Joker, he just got out of Youth Authority. And Baby Joker, he just got out of Juvenile Hall. They ever let you hit the switches on that Cadillac? +They ever let you hit the switches on that Cadillac? Naw, them dudes is assholes. Especially that dog - Cheeco. Watch this little ass, he's sneaky. Plus, I got something better than a Cadillac. +This you? Yeah, that's me. Just a little somethin' somethin' I picked up. +Yeah, that's me. Just a little somethin' somethin' I picked up. Must be nice. I wish we won the lottery. Come up on a million dollars like ya'll. +Must be nice. I wish we won the lottery. Come up on a million dollars like ya'll. Man, after taxes, lawyer fees, and paying off my daddy's bad credit, we didn't end up with a million. We bought this house and I spent the rest on this. It's the bomb, huh? +Man, after taxes, lawyer fees, and paying off my daddy's bad credit, we didn't end up with a million. We bought this house and I spent the rest on this. It's the bomb, huh? This my baby. I feel like a new nigga in this car. I get mo' phone numbers rollin' this, than I ever did on the bus. +Man, this a cool house. Thanks, I just wish my mother had a chance to see it. +Go on and make yourself at home. I'mma go get dressed for work. Oh, yeah, where you work at? +Oh, yeah, where you work at? Pinky's Records and Disc in the shopping center. I'mma talk to my boss and see if he got a little position for you. 'Cause you been unemployed for a long time now, Craig. +Pinky's Records and Disc in the shopping center. I'mma talk to my boss and see if he got a little position for you. 'Cause you been unemployed for a long time now, Craig. Thanks for reminding me. +I can't see! I can't see! Daddy! Lay down, Day-Day. Stop moving. +She pepper-sprayed me, man! She pepper- sprayed me! I know, be still. +You straight? Yeah, I'm alright. Is my face still orange to you? +Just a little. I can't taste nothing. +I can't taste nothing. What's the matter with your girlfriend? +What's the matter with your girlfriend? Man, it's a long story. I met D'Wana three months ago. She had a little pudge in her stomach but I didn't pay it no attention. Come to find out, she six months pregnant. Saying I'm the daddy! +Man, it's a long story. I met D'Wana three months ago. She had a little pudge in her stomach but I didn't pay it no attention. Come to find out, she six months pregnant. Saying I'm the daddy! What? +What? Yeah, I broke up with her two Fridays ago and she's been harassing me ever since. She don't care about the restraining order or nothing. +Yeah, I broke up with her two Fridays ago and she's been harassing me ever since. She don't care about the restraining order or nothing. Restraining order? Where the hell you meet this girl? +Restraining order? Where the hell you meet this girl? I went back to Watts to sell my old car and met her on the way. Worst day of my life. +I went back to Watts to sell my old car and met her on the way. Worst day of my life. Damn, you got a stalker. +Damn, you got a stalker. That ain't the worst part. Her little sister, Baby D. She's the one that gets real physical. But I got a restraining order on her, too. +That ain't the worst part. Her little sister, Baby D. She's the one that gets real physical. But I got a restraining order on her, too. You got a restraining order on a little girl named Baby D? +You got a restraining order on a little girl named Baby D? You don't know Baby D. +Who is that? That's the sister. +That's the sister. Yo know what? I'm starting to like Rancho Cucamonga. +Yo know what? I'm starting to like Rancho Cucamonga. I know what 'cha thinking. I thought the same thing. But it can't happen. +I know what 'cha thinking. I thought the same thing. But it can't happen. Why? +Why? Because, it's been a little tension between us ever since they got out the joint and ran their momma crazy. And I'm just trying to keep the peace. We moved out here to get away from that shit. +So. What you mean, so? +What you mean, so? If you 'get into it' with them S.A.'s and start a feud, you can always go back to home. I gotta live here. Just remember that. +I walked. You walked? +You walked? Yeah, ya'll got a notice today. It came certified mail. +You know what this is? Yeah, that's why I walked down here. +How can they do this? I don't know. Did ya'll forget to pay it or something? +It says we owe $3,900...by tomorrow. Damn...how much money ya'll got left from the lottery? +$247. Okay, plan B. +What's the matter? D'Wana brought Baby'D up here. +I ain't trying to get in it. You already in. +You better stop running from that girl. Fuuuuuuck -- U! +Thanks a lot, Craig. I know we cousins and all, but don't try an' hook me up with the big little sisters. +I know we cousins and all, but don't try an' hook me up with the big little sisters. Big bitches need love, too, Craig. +I didn't think you smoked bud that much. I don't. +You better open up a window or something before the smell gets out. Ain't no windows in here. +Blow. That ain't gonna work. +It works. Still gonna smell it. +This vacuum don't work. Where's the restroom? Out the door and to the left. +Craig, what the hell are you doing? Nothing. +What we gonna do? I don't know yet. +Alright, Roach, see you around. Sorry about today, man. +You see that? I didn't see nothing. +Yeah, air. Naw. I bet'cha it's something better than air. +Naw. I bet'cha it's something better than air. How you know? It could be anything. +How you know? It could be anything. I don't know, and it could be anything. But I just say we go take a look. +Man, I don't think I can do this, Craig. I got the B-G's. What's the B-G's? +What's the B-G's? The bubble guts. I'm so nervous it feels like I'mma shit on myself. +You make it sound so easy. It is easy. You know why? 'Cause they're not expecting it. Now, Roach, you gotta occupy Cheeco. Long enough for me and Day-Day to take a good look. +You go first. Naw, you go first. +Naw, you go first. You go first. +You go first. No. +No. Day-Day, if you don't hop that fence I'mma throw you over. +Day-Day, if you don't hop that fence I'mma throw you over. I ain't scared of you. We ain't little no more. +I hope to God that dog is happy. Me too. +Wait. Wait for what? +What you see? That pump was full of money. I saw where they put it. Stay right here, I'mma climb in and go get it. +That pump was full of money. I saw where they put it. Stay right here, I'mma climb in and go get it. Wait here? So Cheeco can bite my ass off? Tell me where it is I'll do it. +Wait here? So Cheeco can bite my ass off? Tell me where it is I'll do it. No, man, just wait. +You're welcome, Unc. What about me? +You sure you don't wanna stay? Naw, I'm got live ghetto fabulous. make sure you get that car fixed. +Naw, I'm got live ghetto fabulous. make sure you get that car fixed. I will. When can I come visit? +I will. When can I come visit? I don't know. Probably next Friday. +Karla. Craig and Karla, damn that sound pretty good together. Where you going? +Craig and Karla, damn that sound pretty good together. Where you going? To the Cucamonga shopping center. +To the Cucamonga shopping center. Oh yeah, why you walking? +Oh yeah, why you walking? My brothers won't give me a ride. +You want us to give you a ride? I don't know. +I don't know. What you mean, you don't know? Just wait here. +Hello, remember me? Hell yeah, I remember you. +Hell yeah, I remember you. I'm sorry for what my brother did this morning. They're assholes. +I'm sorry for what my brother did this morning. They're assholes. It's cool. You ain't got to apologize for your brothers. They're big boys. +It's cool. You ain't got to apologize for your brothers. They're big boys. I just wanted to give you this. +Most definitely. Better sooner than later. +Huh? What are you doing here? +What are you doing here? I hope you don't think I'm crazy, but I just had to come in here and show you I ain't scared of yo' punk ass brothers...and you wouldn't have be scared of 'em neither if you had a man like me in yo' life. +I hope you don't think I'm crazy, but I just had to come in here and show you I ain't scared of yo' punk ass brothers...and you wouldn't have be scared of 'em neither if you had a man like me in yo' life. What?? So you snuck in my room to tell me that? +What?? So you snuck in my room to tell me that? Yes I did. Excuse me. +You did all this for me? Most of it. I just hate to see you in this situation. +Most of it. I just hate to see you in this situation. Thanks for noticing. It used ta be peaceful before they got out. Took over the house and caused my mother's nervous breakdown. +Thanks for noticing. It used ta be peaceful before they got out. Took over the house and caused my mother's nervous breakdown. Why didn't she put'em out? +Why didn't she put'em out? Easier said than done. We saved up to get away from them, but they followed us. +Easier said than done. We saved up to get away from them, but they followed us. I'm sorry to hear that. +I did. Is that door locked? It's locked. +It's locked. Make sure. +I got my cousin Day-Day waiting for me. So what? Let's make'em wait. +Next time, page me first. Okay. +You alright? Yeah, I'm cool. See you later. +Delivery! Hold on. +Delivery! I said hold on! +I said hold on! Could you hurry up, please... it's kinda hot out here. +Can I help you? Nice house. Didn't expect you to answer. You must be one of those entertainers. What team you play for? +Nice house. Didn't expect you to answer. You must be one of those entertainers. What team you play for? I don't play for no team. +I don't play for no team. Come on, jerky, you can tell me. Got a white wife, huh? Blonde bombshell type. Remember what happen to O.J... what team do you play for? You're not related to the Jacksons, are you? +Come on, jerky, you can tell me. Got a white wife, huh? Blonde bombshell type. Remember what happen to O.J... what team do you play for? You're not related to the Jacksons, are you? Naw, I play for the Chocamunga Cracker Killers. You want tickets? +Naw, I play for the Chocamunga Cracker Killers. You want tickets? Okay, buddy. Don't send your entourage out here to do a 187 on me. It's just a certified mail delivery. +What is it? Delinquent Property Tax Notice... I hope the Cracker Killers pay well 'cause if not, back to the ghetto you go. Wife stays here, of course. +I'll be out in about 35-40 minutes! Hurry up; today is Fri-day! And we gotta hit the high-way! +Here I come! Well bring yo' ass on... +What's the matter? I fell in some mud. Now hurry up! +That nigga worst than them damn pit bulldogs or something! That's why moving wit'cha Uncle Elroy and Cousin Day-Day is the best thing for you right now. Ya'll making me look like a punk. +Ya'll making me look like a punk. It ain't about being a punk, son. It's about this... +Must be your upper lip, 'cause I don't smell nothing. I do. +I do. What it smell like? +What it smell like? Smells like you didn't fall in no mud. +I gotta get'em fixed. They don't roll down. All damn. +All damn. Just hold your breath. +Nice neighborhood, huh? It's alright. +It's alright. 18-years of chasing dogs; and my lazy ass brother hits the lotto his first time playing. I still can't figure that one out. +18-years of chasing dogs; and my lazy ass brother hits the lotto his first time playing. I still can't figure that one out. Why they got to have the loudest house on the block! +You coming in? No, I'mma go on to work. I don't wanna hear Elroy's mouth. Now listen to me, Craig. It's gonna be different living over here. Don't let your uncle and your cousin get you into no shit. Understand? +No, I'mma go on to work. I don't wanna hear Elroy's mouth. Now listen to me, Craig. It's gonna be different living over here. Don't let your uncle and your cousin get you into no shit. Understand? Hey, Pops, I'm grown. Can't nobody get me in trouble no more. +Craig, remember what I told you. I'll remember. +Hold up, Elroy, that's my boy. Craig, what the hell wrong with you? Where you been? Have you seen Day-Day? +You see that? I saw it. +Two bullets? Yo' ass ain't changed. Back in the day, all I had was a stick. Come on. +Nigga, you got knock the fuck out. Yeah, pops! +You too. Smokin' what? +Smokin' what? Nothing. +My name is Miss Ho Kym. Day-Day just trying to be a smart ass. Nice to meet you, Craig. Are you 'bout it, 'bout it? Excuse me? +Excuse me? I said...are you 'bout it, 'bout it -- rowdy, rowdy? +Yeah, I'm 'bout it. Well, then, it's all good. Yo, Day-Day, something is going down with those Mexicans across the street? I've been seeing a lot of activity. +What kind of activity? Strange activity. I think they running drugs off Tijuana. Day-Day don't believe me. +See you later, Day-Day. Come by after work, I got the John Blaze shit for you. Nice to meet you? +Nice to meet you? Peace out, Craig. +Why for? Them boys are real player haters. It's a long story. Right now we gotta do somethin'. +I can't get jiggy with this shit. Where is the damn manager? Sir, the manager stepped out for a moment. I'm currently running the store. Can I see the CD? +No, give me my damn money back. Right now, and I don't have no damn receipt neither. Okay, sir...but where's the cover? +Okay, sir...but where's the cover? I don't have no damn cover. +I can't give you your damn money back on this. Bullshit! I'll go postal in this mothafucka! +Bullshit! I'll go postal in this mothafucka! Well, you gonna have to go postal then. +Look, Roach, I know you ain't never worked in a record shop before and you're a little excited. But if Pinky catches you doing that X-Games shit off his counter top, we both getting fired. You feel me? I feel you. I've just been practicing that one move all week. I thought that was it. +Did you see that? That was a W.W.F. hit right there, huh, Day-Day? Yeah, it was. How you get up here? +Craig, this Roach. Roach, this is my cousin, Craig. What up, bro? +What it say? Ever since my momma died the bills are always late. +What is it? Don't worry about it, man. Get the phone. +That the big one, huh? You damn right that's the big one. +What was that? You don't wanna know. +Are they still out there? Negative...they vamped. +Today ain't my day. Bummer, huh? And Friday is suppose to be a kick-ass day. +I do. Damn nigga, don't Jack the joint. I didn't even pass it. +Damn nigga, don't Jack the joint. I didn't even pass it. Sorry, dude. +Roach, what are you doing? R-U-S-H Intensely. +I gotta think of a plan to get this money before tomorrow. You could sell your Beamer. +I don't know. I hope Craig got a good idea. We gotta ask him when he comes out. Let's go and clean up before Pinky gets here. Maybe you can ask him to loan you the money. +Maybe you can ask him to loan you the money. Yoooo, that's it. You ain't as dumb as I think you are, Roach. +Yoooo, that's it. You ain't as dumb as I think you are, Roach. I know. +Who the fuck is that, Day-Day? Let it go, Roach, trust me. +Let it go, Roach, trust me. I'm not letting nothing go. They killed my board. +I'm not letting nothing go. They killed my board. Let it go! +I say we go over there and kick their asses. I can take the little one. Are you out your mind? I'm not messing with them S.A.'s boy. You must be crazy. +Try an' hold it, man. Squeeze your ass cheeks together. Butterflies, my ass. I'm about to go home. +Roach...Roach, come on. Where's Craig? +Where's Craig? He's inside the house? +He's inside the house? Why did he go in the house? +Why did he go in the house? Don't worry about it. We gotta figure out a way to get Craig out of there. He's probably getting tied up now. +You wanna knock? Go for it. +'Scuse me, partner, but that's a ghetto knock. This is a knock. +Look, man, this is a big misunderstanding. All we wanted to do is borrow some sugar. And some rolling papers. +And some rolling papers. ...and some rolling papers, that's it. We didn't mean to mess up y'all get together or nothing. How y'all doing? +Hey. Ya'll live around here? +What?! What that mean? I don't know. +Money? Man, we came over here from some sugar and rolling papers. We was going to get high, and I was going to show this white boy how to make Kool-Aid. That's all. Hey, mister Joker, have a heart, bro. It's Friday. +Get 'em, Craig! Bite his ear! +Finally you got a bitch, huh, Roach? He's a boy, dude. +Hey, guys, I'm outta here. Thanks for the help. +Thanks for the help. Hey, man, the pleasure's all mine. Thanks for the dog, and the money. Maybe my dad won't kick my ass tonight. +Hey, man, the pleasure's all mine. Thanks for the dog, and the money. Maybe my dad won't kick my ass tonight. Call me. +Call me. Okay, later, bro. Hey, Craig, nice smokin' wit'cha. +Wet your eyes, boy. Stay in there for about 20 minutes. 20 minutes? +20 minutes? Yeah, 20 minutes. Trust me. I've been pepper sprayed nine times. 20 minutes. +Ah damn. Damn. I got fired too. +I got fired too. What?! +When my back gets better I'mma beat the black off you, Day-Day. I know. I'm sorry. +I know. I'm sorry. Sorry, my ass. +Where's Craig? I don't know. +What the fuck you looking at? Nothing. +Uh...um...I mean uh, can we borrow a cup of sugar? What?! This look like a 7-11 or something? Get the fuck outta here! +What?! This look like a 7-11 or something? Get the fuck outta here! Alright, no problem. We gone. +Shut up! Both of you right now! Shhhh! Roach, shut the fuck up. +Shhhh! Roach, shut the fuck up. I don't believe this sugar shit. Something ain't right. +Why would he take it? He don't even know you. Shut up! Where's that other miyatea? +Tape his mouth shut. Joker, a man like yourself can do a lot for this community. By letting us go, you can improve black and brown relations. +Where did Craig move to? I don't know, Debo. +What you say? He moved out to Rancho Cucamonga with his cousin Day-Day. +He moved out to Rancho Cucamonga with his cousin Day-Day. Rancho Cucamonga? +Rancho Cucamonga? Yeah. +Get on. Man, we can't ride to Rancho Cucamonga on that. +Man, we can't ride to Rancho Cucamonga on that. Get on! +Here's the plan. You gonna call over there and say you have a very urgent message for Mr. William Jones. What urgent message? +What urgent message? If you shut up I'll tell you. The urgent message is...Drop everything! Craig is in trouble. Come quick, don't call. +If you shut up I'll tell you. The urgent message is...Drop everything! Craig is in trouble. Come quick, don't call. That ain't gonna work. +Just do it. I don't know the number. +William. Yeah, I got a urgent message for a customer named William Jones. Drop everything, Craig is in trouble. Come quick. Don't try to call. +You too big. Keep pushing. +Debo! Debo! What? +What? I can't feel my legs no more. +I can't feel my legs no more. Me neither. How far is Rancho Cucamonga? +Me neither. How far is Rancho Cucamonga? I don't know. +Ezal! Ezal! Huh? +Huh? We must be here 'cause we stopped. +We must be here 'cause we stopped. Good, let's get out. +Hey, how you get out of here. I don't know. +I thought you were taking me to see Mama? I'll take you later. +I'll take you later. When? After you get all drunk and loaded? +When? After you get all drunk and loaded? Hey! I said I'll take your fuckin' ass later. Now get out of here. You're scaring our company. +Hey, what's going on? Nothing. What you want? +Nothing. What you want? Are you going to take me to see Mom? +Are you going to take me to see Mom? Take your car. +Take your car. 'Take your car?' +'Take your car?' Yeah, and hurry up. +Make sure you look after my son out here. Don't get him involved with none of your bullshit, Roy. Don't worry 'bout nothin', big bro. He in the best fuckin' hands in Rancho Chocomunga, baby! This my world, you just a nigga late paying rent. Ain't that right, nephew? +I got your message. Where's Craig? I don't know, I didn't leave you no damn message! +I don't know, I didn't leave you no damn message! You didn't call the Sandwich Joint with a urgent message? +You didn't call the Sandwich Joint with a urgent message? Hell naw, Willie. Them fleas and tics must be sucking on yo' brain! +Hell naw, Willie. Them fleas and tics must be sucking on yo' brain! Somebody left me a message. Well where's Craig and Day-Day? +Somebody left me a message. Well where's Craig and Day-Day? I don't know. Suga, go ask Miss Ho Kym if she seen them. +You come way out here to get into more trouble. You could've stayed at home. Willie, shut up. Yo' old ass need to get in a little bit o' trouble sometimes. +Willie, shut up. Yo' old ass need to get in a little bit o' trouble sometimes. Don't get it twisted, Elroy. I ain't lost none of my street skills. +What about that ugly dog? I got my mase. +Need to lose some weight. Shut yo' ass up. +Damn, big bro. You swung that like Sammy Sosa. The skills are still intact. Now tie his ass up, Elroy. +My back. What's the matter? +What's the matter? I slip my disc, again... Oh got damn. +Well, we better hit the road, too. Craig, get your stuff. Well, Craig, you're welcome anytime. +Craig, I want you to meet my old lady, Suga. Suga, this is Craig. Oooh, ba-by! +Okay, okay, that's enough. Go put on some damn clothes. Elroy. +Elroy. Suga. Go ahead and get us something to smoke on. +Suga. Go ahead and get us something to smoke on. Okay. Bye, Craig. +Huh? What you doing to my nephew? +What you doing to my nephew? Ah, baby...I thought this was you. Craig, what are you doing to me? +Mr. Nasty time? Mr. Nasty time. But take it easy on me, girl. +Mr. Nasty time. But take it easy on me, girl. Craig, you ain't the only lightweight around here. +Elroy, what happen? I threw my back, again. +I threw my back, again. Aw, no lovin' tonight? +Aw, no lovin' tonight? Naw, baby, no lovin' tonight. +Naw, baby, no lovin' tonight. Come on, baby, let's go in the house. +Come on, baby, let's go in the house. For what? We ain't gonna have no house after the auction tomorrow! +Lousy. And I have siesta hair. I'm thinking of canceling the speech. It's an important speech. +During a campaign every speech is important. This is free media exposure. Primetime news coverage that we couldn't buy. What's he doing here? +What's he doing here? Who, him? Just visiting. +Don't remind me. What happened here? +What happened here? Nothing. I broke a lamp. +Truth is, besides the headache I've come down with a little lower intestinal havoc. Make my apologies. Come on, El, you're a trooper. I'll get you some Pepto, you'll make one of your patented tributes to the common person, then back to Sacramento. This is no time to lay down on the job. I don't care what the polls say, you can't afford to relax. Look what happened to Bush. Tell you what, if you want to blow off the Sacramento speech, fine. But do this one and we'll get out of the smog. +All right, I'll do it. That's my girl. +That's my girl. But I want to make some changes. Get Krista in here right away won't you? +Aw, gee. I sent her on an errand. You sent my assistant on an errand. +You sent my assistant on an errand. I've been a bad boy. +Where to, sir? The Bonaventure. The Bonaventure Hotel. Do you know where that is? +Amtrack? What? +What? You just come in on Amtrack? +You just come in on Amtrack? Uh, yes.. +Uh, yes.. Business or pleasure? +Business or pleasure? Business. +Where'd you come from? San Diego. +San Diego. Oh, San Diego? I've thought about moving to San Diego. It's hard to make a living in this town. These short hops. Can't make a dime on 'em. To LAX, Pasadena, then I can make a buck. These little hops cost me money. +Oh, San Diego? I've thought about moving to San Diego. It's hard to make a living in this town. These short hops. Can't make a dime on 'em. To LAX, Pasadena, then I can make a buck. These little hops cost me money. Sorry. +Sorry. 'S okay. What do you think? +'S okay. What do you think? Huh? +Huh? Better in San Diego? More opportunity there? What? +Better in San Diego? More opportunity there? What? I really don't know. I don't live there. I was just visiting...a grave. +I really don't know. I don't live there. I was just visiting...a grave. Aw, too bad. +Somebody close? What? +What? The grave. Somebody close? +Look...I've... I've got a problem. A big problem... Oh, yeah? +I need your help. What can I do for you Mr....Watson? +What can I do for you Mr....Watson? Its'...ah...about my daughter.... +You were saying? Your daughter....? I... +I... Yes? +She ..ahh...wanted me to... be sure to get your autograph. Of course. I wish everything were that easy. +Mrs. Grant, Governor...I won't hurt you. My security people are right next door. +My security people are right next door. I appreciate that. +I appreciate that. One loud scream will bring them in here instantly. You won't get very far. Think it over. +One loud scream will bring them in here instantly. You won't get very far. Think it over. If I were here to hurt you I would have done it already. +If I were here to hurt you I would have done it already. That's...a comfort to hear. +That's...a comfort to hear. I have a problem. +I have a problem. Ah. +Ah. Only you can help me. I'm also sorry to say, my problem is your problem, Mrs. Grant. +I remember you...in the elevator. That's right. +That's right. You were very nervous. +You were very nervous. It was because I had this...in my pocket +How do you know that? I saw her die. She was shot. With this gun. +You shot her? No. +No. Who did? +Who did? I don't know. The only thing I know about him is that he works for your husband. +I don't know. The only thing I know about him is that he works for your husband. What? +What? And your husband works for somebody else. +And your husband works for somebody else. What the hell are you saying? +I knew you wouldn't believe me. I said I'd listen to you, not necessarily believe you. You're telling me my people are in a plot against me. You're telling me my husband wants me killed. What do you expect? +There's only one way to find out for sure. Try to cancel the last speech. I'd prefer we didn't refer to it as my last speech. +I'd prefer we didn't refer to it as my last speech. It's the last chance they have for me to kill you. Try to get out of it. They won't let you. They can't. Try to change the schedule and you'll know I'm right. What have you got to lose? It comes down to who you trust, them or me? Test them. +It's the last chance they have for me to kill you. Try to get out of it. They won't let you. They can't. Try to change the schedule and you'll know I'm right. What have you got to lose? It comes down to who you trust, them or me? Test them. I love it when pistolero's talk of trust. +This? I've never even fired one. Indeed. +I...1 would like to...thank you, Mister Wat... Gene. I would also like to apologize. +I would also like to apologize. For what? +For what? For not believing you. +For not believing you. Believe me, I don't blame you. This is the Governor, Lynn. Say hello. +Can we go now? Of course. I'll get a car to drive you. +Of course. I'll get a car to drive you. No, that's... That's OK. We don't need any help. We'll be just fine. Won't we, Lynn? +Good luck. Same to you. +Could I see some identification, sir? What? +Is this about those kids? Look, I'm sorry about that. But they darn near... You're from Santa Maria, Mr. Watson? +You're from Santa Maria, Mr. Watson? Yes. +Come with us, sir. I'd like to know what... +Hey! I'll take the girl. I'll take the girl! Don't worry. She's good with kids. +Daddy? Yes. It's OK, Lynn. These are our friends. +Pay attention, Mr. Watson. Pay attention and your daughter won't be hurt. You wouldn't... +Yes, yes, I understand. Good. +This is for you. In it there is a picture of a woman and an itinerary. It is her itinerary. She is presently - are you listening, Mr. Watson? Yes, I'm listening. +Yes, I'm listening. She is presently at the Bonaventure Hotel. That's right near here. +You're out of your mind. What's your point? +What's your point? I will do no such thing. +I will do no such thing. Yes, you will, Mr. Watson. +Look at your watch. Look at it! At one-thirty your little girl is dead. Say it with me. At one-thirty my little girl is dead. Say it. Say it! At one thirty my little girl is dead. +At one thirty my little girl is dead. Unless you do what you're told. Go do it! +"This says ""invitation only""." Of course you're invited. You're a big donor to the campaign. They love you. +This'11 get you in anywhere. Red Elevator. Thirty-fifth floor. Where did you get these? Who are you? +Where did you get these? Who are you? I'm the guy who's going to kill your daughter if you don't get moving. +Are you 'fucking with me!? The gun... +The gun... What about the gun? +What about the gun? It wasn't loaded. I didn't put the bullets in it. +It wasn't loaded. I didn't put the bullets in it. You... +You get another chance in ten minutes. Then I have time for a drink. +What would you do in my place? Me? +What...? Tell me why I miss him. +Tell me why I miss him. He's dead? +He's dead? That's right. He's dead. Tell me why. +That's right. He's dead. Tell me why. How should I...? +How should I...? Tell me why he's dead. +You killed him. That's right, I killed him. He fucked up one too many times so I put a bullet in his eye. Then I put two more into him just to make sure. Now that was somebody I loved. +I killed you. You fucked up. +I'm not stupid.. I know how this is supposed, to work. Do you now, Mr. Watson? +Do you now, Mr. Watson? I kill her - and you kill me. +I kill her - and you kill me. Keep your voice down. +Keep your voice down. Even if you don't, Her Security men will. +How am I supposed to get away? That's not my problem, Mr. Watson +Come back. How do I know you won't kill my daughter once I'm gone? +Again. No, please... +One thirty. California Ballroom. That's right. That gives you... +...twenty-six minutes to get your shit together. Let me talk to her again. +Let me talk to her again. No. +No. I want'to talk to her. +I want'to talk to her. Forget about it. +I talk to her or you can forget about it. Don't you threaten me. +Don't you threaten me. What are you going to do about it, shoot me? +What are you going to do about it, shoot me? You know what I'm gonna do. +You know what I'm gonna do. What? Walk out there and twist her arm off? +Is that something precious? No, that's,..that's fine +My wife always said I had a problem trusting people. Well, you can trust Eleanor Samara Grant. +Well, you can trust Eleanor Samara Grant. You don't understand. I'm going to trust you. And you have to trust me. +Yes, you're right, I don't understand. Look...my daughter ... she's going to die...unless you can help me. +All right, let's just...let's get security in on this. No! You can't! They're in on it. +No! You can't! They're in on it. I don't see how they could be in on it. They're the best. They're hand- picked. +I don't know. You've got to trust me. I'm putting my daughter's life in your hands. She's only six. She's just a little girl. Please, please, trust me. +You've got to trust me. I'm putting my daughter's life in your hands. She's only six. She's just a little girl. Please, please, trust me. It's a little hard to trust you under the circumstances. +The man following me has a walkie- talkie. If he sees I'm not here he'll call his partner. I do anything out of line and he'll send the word to kill my daughter. He'll think you're in the crowd until the end of the speech. Wait a minute. +Are you sure? I've heard this speech a lot. Come on. We'll take care of him. We will. +I've heard this speech a lot. Come on. We'll take care of him. We will. But... +But... Trust me. You asked me for help. Let me help. Trust me. +Trust me. You asked me for help. Let me help. Trust me. Okay... +I think you better put that away. I think you're right. +Who is this? Are you sure we can trust him? I'm sure. It's her husband. He's her Campaign Manager. +We have to hurry. I know. Brendan, listen to me. Someone is trying to kill Eleanor. +I'm serious, honey. Don't get out of my sight, all right? I want you to stay right by me. Will you do that for me? Nods solemnly. GENE reaches the platform and gives out an exaggerated sigh. +Nods solemnly. GENE reaches the platform and gives out an exaggerated sigh. We made it. +Haven't you ever seen anybody kiss like that? On TV. +On TV. You never saw your Mom and me kiss like that? +So, come on. You never saw us kiss like that? No way. +No way. How did you see us kiss? +Ready? Nods. +Nods. Let' s do it. +Now, see, this is why you should always wear a helmet and knee pads. You never know when you're going to fall down and go boom. Right? Right. +Lynn! I can hear you good. Can you hear me? +I can hear you good. Can you hear me? Yes. Yes, I can hear you. +"He has to say ""over and out"". Daddy, you have to say ""over and out""." Over and out. +Yes, sweetie, it's me. I'm tired. I want to.go now. +I'm tired. I want to.go now. I know you do, honey. +Can we go now? Not just yet, baby. There's...there's something Daddy has to do. +Not just yet, baby. There's...there's something Daddy has to do. To be a hero? +No, honey, not to be a hero. But I want you to remember something for me, all right? All right. +All right. He's doing it for you. No matter what anybody tells you, no matter who they are, he's doing it for you, because he loves you. +Will you promise me that? I promise. +I promise. All right. Kisses to you. +All right. Kisses to you. No...kisses to you. +No...kisses to you. No. Kisses to you. +No. Kisses to you. No, kisses to... +What do you do, if I may be so bold? I'm just an accountant. +I'm just an accountant. Don't denigrate yourself, my friend. Where would the government be without accountants? They wouldn't know how hard they can squeeze us before we pop, isn't that right? +I have to do something. What's that? You have to speak up. I'm a little deaf in this ear. Between that and my wooden leg I'm a mess. Compliments of the United States Army Artillery Corps. +What's that? You have to speak up. I'm a little deaf in this ear. Between that and my wooden leg I'm a mess. Compliments of the United States Army Artillery Corps. I said I have to do something. +I said I have to do something. I'll have you out of here in two shakes o'f a lamb's tail. +I'll have you out of here in two shakes o'f a lamb's tail. Is within himself. +You got anything smaller? Keep it. +Keep it. It's a twenty. +It's a twenty. Keep it. +Can I get out to Flower Street from here? Sure. Go down past the bar. Take you right out there. +You remember me? I remember. The big tipper. +I remember. The big tipper. Something is going to happen. When it's over you'll know what I was talking about. +Something is going to happen. When it's over you'll know what I was talking about. Oh, man... +Oh, man... Please. Something is going to happen... +Please. Something is going to happen... What? The end of the world? Man, don't give me your mad rap. I'm not a bartender. I don't want to hear it. I raise a family doing this bullshit. Do me a favor. Get your crazy white ass out of my chair. +What? The end of the world? Man, don't give me your mad rap. I'm not a bartender. I don't want to hear it. I raise a family doing this bullshit. Do me a favor. Get your crazy white ass out of my chair. Please... +Please... Hey, a big tip doesn't give you the right to crap in my ear. You want change? You got it, brother. What was that you gave me, a twenty? +Mister, what are you dragging me into? I'm not dragging you into anything. I don't expect... +I'm not dragging you into anything. I don't expect... Cover your mouth. +Cover your mouth. What? +What? This gorilla's watching you, is that right? +This gorilla's watching you, is that right? That's right. +That's right. Then don't let him be seeing you talking to me. I don't want him twisting my arm off. +My daughter. They have her in a van across the street. They say they'll kill her if I don't do something for them. In twenty-five minutes in the California Ballroom. +In twenty-five minutes in the California Ballroom. There was a woman. She was trying to help me. I watched him murder her. +There was a woman. She was trying to help me. I watched him murder her. What are you supposed to do? +What are you supposed to do? Kill the Governor. +I knew I should have packed up and gone home as soon as I got that twenty. What am I supposed to do about this situation? One of them is in on it. He might even be in charge. Her Security is in on it. There's only one person I know for sure isn't in on it. +One of them is in on it. He might even be in charge. Her Security is in on it. There's only one person I know for sure isn't in on it. Who? +Who? The Governor. If I could just talk to her... +The Governor. If I could just talk to her... Oh, Jesus ... +Oh, Jesus ... No way, there's nothing you can do to help me. +Then why'd you drag me into it? It's my kid. I've got to...to somehow...do right by my little girl. +It's about time I did. I was one of those guys, workaholics. I worked my ass off for them - my wife, my daughter. That's just what I thought I was supposed to do. Yeah, all right, listen... +Yeah, all right, listen... So when she wanted a divorce...I was...I didn't know what I'd done wrong. I didn't see it. I didn't see it.... +Why don't you tell me about the early years some other time? I'm sorry. You understand I don't mind dying if I could save my daughter. I mean that. +I'm sorry. You understand I don't mind dying if I could save my daughter. I mean that. Yeah, now listen. I can't mess with these shoes any more or it's gonna look funny. You go down get yourself something to drink. Make sure Godzilla there, follows you. +Yeah, now listen. I can't mess with these shoes any more or it's gonna look funny. You go down get yourself something to drink. Make sure Godzilla there, follows you. What are you going to do? +Keep the change. Don't think I won't. +Meet Irene. Hi. +Hi. Irene is going to help. +Irene is going to help. Thank you. +You said there was only one person you knew wasn't in on this thing. Yeah. +Yeah. You're going to go see her. +You're going to go see her. What!? +What am I supposed to say to her? It'll come to you. See if you can stop this thing 'fore it gets started. Save us all considerable embarrassment. +Well? I don't know. +I don't know. What are you going to do now? +What are you going to do!? This is about power and you haven't got any. There's nothing more you can do. I'm sorry. Thanks for trying. +Thanks for the shine. Thanks for the tip. +Just giving you the gift of a clean windshield. Only cost you a dollar. I don't want my windshield cleaned. +I don't want my windshield cleaned. You just think you don't want your windshield cleaned. +You just think you don't want your windshield cleaned. No, I know I don't want it cleaned. Get out of here. +No, I know I don't want it cleaned. Get out of here. Don't be like that. Think of me as the Moses of dirty windshields leading you through the desert of dead bugs. +For the last time, I don't want it cleaned. Now get the hell out of here! It's already done. I've already done it. You have to pay me now. +It's already done. I've already done it. You have to pay me now. I don't have to pay you nothin'. +I don't have to pay you nothin'. You're going to deny me a lousy dollar after I've sweated like a pig giving you the gift of a clean windsheild? +You're going to deny me a lousy dollar after I've sweated like a pig giving you the gift of a clean windsheild? Fuckin' A. +Fuckin' A. I don't think so. +Hey! I think this is worth a dollar. +Oh, we'll have to do better than that. You worthless piece of shit! Gimme that! +Goddamnit, you fuckin' bum, come here! Gimme a dollar. +Gimme a dollar. Fuck you! +He brought a gun onto the pool deck. What? +What? He got onto the pool deck with a gun. How did he get past her Security carrying a +He got onto the pool deck with a gun. How did he get past her Security carrying a I see. Where is this gun? +Well, is it real? Do we know anything about it? It looks real. I don't know anything about guns. +It looks real. I don't know anything about guns. Could I see it? +You stole that. No, I didn't. I confiscated it. There's a difference. +Hey, would you look at this crazy car? Everybody has their own radio. What do you think of that? Everybody does? +Everybody does? Yep. And you can listen to it without anybody else listening. Let's try it out. +This is what they call the jack. Hi, Jack! Laughs. +Laughs. It goes in that little hole. +He's going to help the police. Your daddy is going to be a hero. My daddy is going to be a hero? Like Power Rangers? +That's pretty good. I've done much better ones than this. +I've done much better ones than this. You have, huh? +You have, huh? Oh, yes. I'll show you. I have much more colors at home. +Oh, yes. I'll show you. I have much more colors at home. That's good. That's good, sweetie pie. +Where are we going? Not very far, honey-pie. Not far at all. +I'm not a baby. You're a big girl, huh? +You're a big girl, huh? I'm not a big girl but I'm not a baby. +Close your eyes. Why? +Why? I've got something for you. +I've got something for you. A surprise? +A surprise? You ask too many questions. You want the surprise or not? +You got this under control? Yeah. +Yeah. It doesn't look like it. +It's under control. It better be. +Somebody mind telling me... ) What the hell happened!? Help me get her off the rug. +Where is he? Did you lose him? Shut up. +Get moving. You' oughta learn to relax. I told you I've got it under control. +You' oughta learn to relax. I told you I've got it under control. It's time. It's time now. +That one. Nah. Hates his wife. +Skate-boarders I don't mind, even though they dress like fuckin' idiots, but when I see some pin-head on rollerblades, I get the definite urge to grease the grill of my car with 'em. Keep your eyes peeled. +Keep your eyes peeled. What about them? +I'm looking for them. Where? +Where? Right there. +Look at 'em. He'd do anything for her.- Young love. +Foreigners! Fuck! Frogs. They copy our blue jeans and when we need their help in Kuwait, where the fuck are they? +You don't want to cause a ruckus, with the little girl and all. Come with me, honey. +And what happens if I don't call you? I kill her anyway. +God can't help her, Mr. Watson. Only you can help her. Only you. +Only you. You're wasting time. +You talk to a cop, you even look at a cop too long and your daughter is dead. Do it. Go ahead, sugar Die. +That's enough. 'Daddy has to go now. +Yeah. Do it! +Come Back. Yeah. +Yeah. Put her on. +Put her on. What gives? +What gives? Just put her on. +Any trouble? No. +No. He was a cool one, that Harper. Never broke. +He was a cool one, that Harper. Never broke. He carried on some; kicked. +He never told about the money. No. +No. What do you figure he done with it? +What do you figure he done with it? He took the secret with him when I dropped him. +Ben, I'm a Man of God. Tryin' to make me talk about it in my sleep! +Tryin' to make me talk about it in my sleep! No, Ben. +No, Ben. What'd I say? What? What? What? What? +What'd I say? What? What? What? What? "You was quotin' Scripture. You said -- you said, ""And a little child shall lead them.""" +"You was quotin' Scripture. You said -- you said, ""And a little child shall lead them.""" Hm! +You killed two men, Ben Harper. That's right, Preacher. I robbed that bank because I got tired of seein' children roamin' the woodlands without food, children roamin' the highways in this year of Depression; children sleepin' in old abandoned car bodies on junk-heaps; and I promised myself I'd never see the day when my youngins'd want. +That's right, Preacher. I robbed that bank because I got tired of seein' children roamin' the woodlands without food, children roamin' the highways in this year of Depression; children sleepin' in old abandoned car bodies on junk-heaps; and I promised myself I'd never see the day when my youngins'd want. With that ten thousand dollars I could build a Tabernacle that'd make the Wheeling Island Tabernacle look like a chicken-house! +With that ten thousand dollars I could build a Tabernacle that'd make the Wheeling Island Tabernacle look like a chicken-house! Would you have free candy for the kids, Preacher? +Think of it, Ben! With that cursed, bloodied gold! How come you got that stickknife hid in your bed-blankets, Preacher? +How come you got that stickknife hid in your bed-blankets, Preacher? I come not with Peace but with a Sword. +I come not with Peace but with a Sword. You, Preacher? +That Sword has served me through many an evil time, Ben Harper. What religion do you profess, Preacher? +What religion do you profess, Preacher? The religion the Almighty and me worked out betwixt us. +The religion the Almighty and me worked out betwixt us. I'll bet. +I'll bet. Salvation is a last-minute business, boy. +Salvation is a last-minute business, boy. Keep talkin', Preacher. +Keep talkin', Preacher. If you was to let that money serve the Lord's purposes, He might feel kindly turned towards you. +If you was to let that money serve the Lord's purposes, He might feel kindly turned towards you. Keep talkin', Preacher. +Where's your Mom? Out shopping -- you're bleeding, Dad -- +Out shopping -- you're bleeding, Dad -- Listen to me John. +Here they come. Dad, you're bleeding... +Listen to me son. You got to swear. Swear means promise. First swear you'll take care of little Pearl. Guard her with your life, boy. Then swear you won't never tell where that money's hid. Not even your Mom. Yes, Dad. +Yes, Dad. You understand? +You understand? Not even her? +"You got common sense. She ain't. When you grow up that money'll be yours. Now swear. ""I will guard Pearl with my life...""" I will guard Pearl with my life... +I will guard Pearl with my life... "...""and I won't never tell about the money.""" +"...""and I won't never tell about the money.""" And I won't never tell about the money. +She don't put in at Cresap's Landing no more, but she still blows as she passes. Come on in and have a cup of coffee. Ain't nobody stole Dad's skiff. +Ain't nobody stole Dad's skiff. Ain't nobody goin' to neither, long as Uncle Birdie's around. +Ain't seen you in a coon's age, Johnny. I been mindin' Pearl. +I been mindin' Pearl. Pshaw now! Ain't it a caution what women'll load onto a feller's back when he ain't lookin'? +'Twas down at Cresap's Landing, Along the River Shore, Birdie Steptoe was a Pilot in the good old days of yore. Now he sets in his old wharf-boat... When'll Dad's skiff be ready? +When'll Dad's skiff be ready? Can't hear ye, boy. ...So the big boats heave a sigh, They blow for Uncle Birdie... +Can't hear ye, boy. ...So the big boats heave a sigh, They blow for Uncle Birdie... When'll the skiff be ready? +When'll the skiff be ready? And the times that are gone by. I'll have her ready inside of a week; and then we'll go fishin'. How's your Maw? +O, she's all right. How's your sister Pearl? +How's your sister Pearl? Just fine. +Leavin', boy? Yep; gotta watch out for Pearl, Uncle Birdie. +Yep; gotta watch out for Pearl, Uncle Birdie. Well goodnight, boy. Come again -- any time. +Here's your can o' hooks, Uncle Birdie. There hain't nary hook in the land smart enough to hook Mister Gar. What a feller needs is mother-wit -- and a horse-hair. +Won't he bust it, Uncle Birdie? Shoot, a horse-hair'll hold a lumpin' whale. +Do you mind me cussin', boy? No. +No. Tell you why I ask -- your step-pa being' a Preacher an' all... +Can we eat him, Uncle Birdie? If you got an appetite for bones and bitterness. +Uncle Birdie! Don't! +Don't! Hide us Uncle Birdie! He's a-comin' with his knife! +Here's what you owe me. One, two, three, four, five... where's the other basket? Where's Ruby? She went. +She went. John: you go fetch Ruby. Big Ruby's my problem girl. She can't gather eggs without bustin' 'em; but Ruby's got mother hands with a youngin, so what're you to say? +I'll light the lamp. It's more fun hearin' stories in the dark. +And when little King Jesus' Ma and Pa heard about that plan, what do you reckon they went and done? They hid in a broom closet! +Where's Ruby? She went. +AAA-MENN! You have all sinned! +You have all sinned! Yes! Yes! +Yes! Yes! But which one of you can say as I can say: I drove a good man to murder because I kept a-houndin' him for clothes and per-fumes and face paint! +And the Lord told that man -- Yes! Yes! +Yes! Yes! The Lord said, Take that money and throw it in the River! +The Lord said, Take that money and throw it in the River! Yes! Yes! Hallelujah! +Yes! Yes! Hallelujah! Throw that money in the River! In THE RIVER! +Throw that money in the River! In THE RIVER! IN THE RIIV-ER! +See ye got two more peeps to your brood. Yeah, and ornerier than the rest. +Yeah, and ornerier than the rest. How's your own boy, Miz Cooper? +How's your own boy, Miz Cooper? Ain't heard from Ralph since last Christmas. Don't matter -- I've got a new crop. I'm a strong tree with branches for many birds. I'm good for something in this old world and I know it, too! We know that she will rout the Devil. +Ain't heard from Ralph since last Christmas. Don't matter -- I've got a new crop. I'm a strong tree with branches for many birds. I'm good for something in this old world and I know it, too! We know that she will rout the Devil. Got a good buy in soap, Miz Cooper. +Got a good buy in soap, Miz Cooper. Don't need no soap. I'm boilin' down the fat from my hog. +It's a mighty good man would come out of his way to bring a word of cheer to a grieving widow! So you ain't with the State no more? +Plan on a longer visit next time. You don't hardly get settled till you're frettin' to git home again. +Icey, I'm worried about Willa. How do you mean? +How do you mean? I'm figurin' how I can say it so's you won't get mad. +I'm figurin' how I can say it so's you won't get mad. Say what, Walt Spoon! +Say what, Walt Spoon! There's somethin' wrong about it, Mother. +There's somethin' wrong about it, Mother. About what! +About what! About Mr. Powell. All of it! +About Mr. Powell. All of it! Walt! +Walt! Now, Mother, a body can't help their feelin's. +Now, Mother, a body can't help their feelin's. May the Lord have mercy on you, Walt Spoon! +May the Lord have mercy on you, Walt Spoon! Mother, I only -- +What's wrong, Mother? Sshhh! He's in there. +Who? Mr. Powell! Willa has run away! +Mr. Powell! Willa has run away! I'll be switched!... +Just went? She took out some time durin' the night, -- in that old Model-T -- +Is he hit pretty bad? All to pieces! +There's a little peach brandy -- maybe a sip? A man of the Cloth? +What can we do, Mother? I thought if you went and talked to him -- another man -- +Dear Walt and Icey: I bet you been worried and gave us up for lost. Took the kids down here with me for a visit to my sister Elsie's farm. Thot a little change of scenery would do us all a world of good after so much trubble and heartache. At least the kids will git a plenty of good home cooking. Your devoted Harry Powell Now ain't you relieved, Walt? +Now ain't you relieved, Walt? Sure, but you was worried too, Mother; takin' off with never a word of goodbye. I even got to figurin' them gypsies busted in and done off with all three of 'em. +Sure, but you was worried too, Mother; takin' off with never a word of goodbye. I even got to figurin' them gypsies busted in and done off with all three of 'em. You and your gypsies! They been gone a week! +You and your gypsies! They been gone a week! Not before one of 'em knifed a farmer and stole his horse. Never caught the gypsies nor the horse. +Lynch him! Lynch him! Bluebeard! +Bluebeard! Twenty-five wives! +Twenty-five wives! And he killed every last one of 'em! +Draggin' the name of the Lord through the evil mud of his soul! Come on! +He lied! Tricked us! +Tricked us! He taken the Lord's name in vain and he trampled on His Holy Book! +He taken the Lord's name in vain and he trampled on His Holy Book! String that Bluebeard up to a pole! +String that Bluebeard up to a pole! He's Satan hiding behind the Cross! +Willa Harper there is certain plain facts of life that adds up just like two plus two makes four and one of them is this: No woman is good enough to raise growin' youngsters alone! The Lord meant that job for two! Icey, I don't want a husband. +Icey, I don't want a husband. Fiddlesticks! +That feller's just achin' to settle down with some nice woman and make a home for himself. It's awful soon after Ben's passing. +It's awful soon after Ben's passing. If ever I saw a Sign from Heaven! +If ever I saw a Sign from Heaven! John don't like him much. +John don't like him much. Pearl dotes on him. +Pearl dotes on him. The boy worries me. It's silly, but it's like there was something still between him and his Dad. +The boy worries me. It's silly, but it's like there was something still between him and his Dad. What he needs is a dose o' salts! +What he needs is a dose o' salts! There's something else. +There's something else. What? +What? The money, Icey. +The money, Icey. I declare, you'll let that money haunt you to your grave, Willa Harper! +I declare, you'll let that money haunt you to your grave, Willa Harper! I would love to be satisfied Harry Powell don't think I've got that money somewhere. +I would love to be satisfied Harry Powell don't think I've got that money somewhere. You'll come right out and ask that Man of God! Mr. Paow-well! Clear that evil mud out of your soul! +You go set down by the River. Oh, Icey, I'm a sight! +Oh, Icey, I'm a sight! Get along with you. +That boy's as stubborn and mulish as a sheep! It's a shame! +I must wend my way down River on the Lord's work. You ain't leavin' in no hurry if we can help it! +My, that fudge smells yummy! It's for the pick-nick. And you won't get a smidgen of my fudge unless you stay for the pick-nick! +Amen! Amen! She lieth in wait as for a prey. And increaseth the transgressors among men. +My dear, dear friends! Whatever would I do without you! Mister Powell! +What could have possessed that girl! Satan. +Satan. Ah. +I burned it. I tore it up and burned it -- it stank so strong of hellfire. Amen. +Amen. The pitcher has went to the well once too often, my friends. +Ain't no sense in it, neither. I figured somethin' like this was brewin' when she went to bed last night. How? +How? She tarried around the kitchen after I'd gone up, and when I went downstairs to see what was wrong... +She tarried around the kitchen after I'd gone up, and when I went downstairs to see what was wrong... What! +What! She'd found this fruit jar of dandelion wine that the husband -- Harper -- had hid somewheres in the cellar. She was drinking. +I tried to save her. I know you did, Reverend. Oh, I know how you tried! +I know you did, Reverend. Oh, I know how you tried! The devil wins sometimes! +Just look at you! Dust and filth from top to toe! Want me to take 'em up and wash 'em good? +Want me to take 'em up and wash 'em good? Thank you, no. Thank you, dear Icey. I'll tend to them. Thank you. +Stand still, Miss Jenny! There! What's so hard about that! +You, Pearl. You swear too. Who's them Blue Men yonder? +Who's them Blue Men yonder? Blue men. +Hing, hang, hung. You better not sing that song. +You better not sing that song. Why? +Why? 'Cause you're too little. +Tell me a story, John. Once upon a time there was a rich king... ...and he had him a son and a daughter and they all lived in a castle over in Africa. Well, one day this King got taken away by bad men and before he got took off he told his son to kill anyone that tried to steal their gold, and before long these bad men come back and -- +Once upon a time there was a rich king... ...and he had him a son and a daughter and they all lived in a castle over in Africa. Well, one day this King got taken away by bad men and before he got took off he told his son to kill anyone that tried to steal their gold, and before long these bad men come back and -- The Blue Men? +Just a man. Goodnight Pearl, sleep tight; and don't let the bedbugs bite. 'Night Miss Jenny; don't let the bedbugs bite. +John... Sshhh... +Now can I tell? Hm? +Hm? When Mr. Powell's our Daddy then I can tell him about -- +You swore, Pearl! John! Don't! +John! Don't! You promised Dad you wouldn't never tell! +You'll get awful mad, John. I done a Sin! You what? +Pearl! You ain't -- John, don't be mad! Don't be mad! I was just playing with it! I didn't tell no one! +It's all here. Pearl! Oh, Pearl! +Where's Mom? She's gone to Moundsville. +She's gone to Moundsville. To see Dad? +To see Dad? Yes, I reckon that's it. +Someone is after us, Pearl. I want to go upstairs. It's cold and spidery down here. I'm hungry. +I want to go upstairs. It's cold and spidery down here. I'm hungry. Now listen to me, Pearl. You and me is runnin' off tonight. +Now listen to me, Pearl. You and me is runnin' off tonight. Why? +Why? If we stay here somethin' awful will happen to us. +If we stay here somethin' awful will happen to us. Won't Daddy Powell take care of us? +Won't Daddy Powell take care of us? No, that's just it. No. +Where are we goin', John? Somewheres. I don't know yet. +I'm hungry, John. We'll steal somethin' to eat. +We'll steal somethin' to eat. It'll spoil our supper. +John? Hush, Pearl. Come on. +Please be quiet -- Oh please, Pearl! John, where are we g -- +John, where are we g -- Hush. +Get in the skiff, Pearl, goodness, goodness, hurry! That's Daddy! +Are we goin' home, John? Ssh... +Don't you hurt her! Hurt her nothin'! Wash her's more like it! Ruby! +I'm butcherin' my hog myself, smokin' the hams, and cannin' the sausage. You-all have your work cut out! She talks to herself. +John, where's your folks? Dead. +Dead. Dead. +Where ye from? Up river. +Up river. I didn't figger ye rowed that skiff from Parkersburg! +Story, honey? Why, what story? About them Kings. That the Queen found down on the sandbar in the skiff that time. +About them Kings. That the Queen found down on the sandbar in the skiff that time. Kings! Why, honey, there was only one. +Kings! Why, honey, there was only one. I mind you said there was two. +I mind you said there was two. Well, shoot! Maybe there was! +John, when your Dad says 'come', you should mind him. He ain't my Dad. +I'll see to Pearl. I'll make coffee. +This watch is the nicest watch I ever had. A feller can't just go around with run-down, busted watches. +Why, he told me what fine little lambs you and your sister both was. Is that all? +Did you hear what I said, son? Huh? +Huh? Married! We have decided to go to Sistersville tomorrow, and when we come back -- +Married! We have decided to go to Sistersville tomorrow, and when we come back -- You ain't my Dad! You won't never be my Dad! +You ain't my Dad! You won't never be my Dad! -- and when we come back, we'll all be friends -- and share our fortunes together, John! +-- and when we come back, we'll all be friends -- and share our fortunes together, John! You think you can make me tell! But I won't! I won't! I won't! +Tell me what, boy? Nothin'! +Nothin'! Are we keeping secrets from each other, little lad? +Are we keeping secrets from each other, little lad? No. No. +What are you doing, boy? Getting Pearl to bed. I -- +Getting Pearl to bed. I -- What's taking you so long about it? +What's taking you so long about it? It -- she -- +It -- she -- What's that you're playing with, boy? +What's that you're playing with, boy? Pearl's junk. Mom gets mad when she plays out here and don't clean up afterward. +Pearl's junk. Mom gets mad when she plays out here and don't clean up afterward. Come on, children! +Your mother says you tattled on me, boy. She says you told her that I asked you where that money was hid. Yes. Yes. +Yes. Yes. That wasn't very nice of you, John. Have a heart, boy. +She thinks that money's in the river, but you and me, we know better, don't we, boy? I don't know nothin'! +I don't know nothin'! The summer is young yet, little lad. Pearl? +Now! Where's it hid, honey? I'll tell. +I'll tell. I thought I told you to keep your mouth shut -- +I thought I told you to keep your mouth shut -- NO, -- it ain't fair to make Pearl tell when she swore she wouldn't. I'll tell. +All right boy: where's the money? In the cellar. Buried under a stone in the floor. +All right... Come along. What? +What? Go ahead of me -- the both of you. +You don't reckon I'd leave you. Don't you believe me? +Don't you believe me? Why sure, boy, sure. +Now where, boy? Mind; no tricks. I can't abide liars. Yonder. +Now: Where? Under the stone in the floor. +Pearl, shut up! Pearl, you swore! You could save him, little bird. +Nothin'. Come to me, boy! +John's a feller who likes to keep secrets. Mm-hm. +Mm-hm. I'll tell you a secret. +I'll tell you a secret. Yes? +Yes? "I knowed your Daddy. And do you know what your Daddy said to me? He said, ""Tell my little girl Pearl there's to be no secrets between her and you.""" +"I knowed your Daddy. And do you know what your Daddy said to me? He said, ""Tell my little girl Pearl there's to be no secrets between her and you.""" Yes? +Yes? Now it's your turn. +Now it's your turn. What secret shall I tell? +What secret shall I tell? How old are you? +How old are you? That's no secret. I'm five. +Sure, that's no secret. What's your name? +What's your name? You're just foolin'! My name's Pearl. +You're just foolin'! My name's Pearl. Tst-tst! Then I reckon I'll have to try again! Where's the money hid? +You see? We can't have anything to do with John. You and me will go down to the parlor. Miz Jenny! Miz Jenny! +Yes; John's bad. Tell me another secret about my Dad. +O no! Your turn! All right. +All right. Where's the money hid. +John's bad. Where's the money hid? Tell me, you little wretch, or I'll tear your arm off! +I'm hungry. Why, sure. And there's fried chicken and candied sweets and cornsticks and apple cobbler! +Why, sure. And there's fried chicken and candied sweets and cornsticks and apple cobbler! Can I have my supper please? +Can I have my supper please? Naturally. +Naturally. Can I have milk too? +Can I have milk too? Yes. But first of all we'll have a little talk. +About our secrets. No. +No. Why, pray tell? +Why, pray tell? Because John said I mustn't. +Just tell me now; where's the money hid? But I swore. I promised John I wouldn't tell. +But I swore. I promised John I wouldn't tell. JOHN -- DOESN'T -- MATTER! Can't I get that through your head, you poor, silly, disgusting little wretch! +You're Ruby, ain't you, my child? Can I have this? +Can I have this? Surely. I'd like to talk to you, my dear. +Surely. I'd like to talk to you, my dear. Will you buy me a choclit sody? +Will you buy me a choclit sody? O' course. +Why, you're the purtiest girl I've seen in all my wandering. Didn't nobody never tell you that, Ruby? No. No one never did. +No. No one never did. There's two new ones over at your place, ain't there Ruby? +What's their names? Pearl and John. +Pearl and John. Ahhh. And is there -- a doll? +Ahhh. And is there -- a doll? Only she won't never let me play with it. +Only she won't never let me play with it. Ahh! +Mister Powell? A strange woman is a narrow pit! +Is there anythin' -- anythin'...? It is my shame -- my crown of thorns. And I must wear it bravely. +Didn't you have no inkling? Yes; from the first night. +Yes; from the first night. The first night? +The first night? Our honeymoon. +Our honeymoon. How's that? +How's that? She turned me out of the bed. +What do you figure to do? Do? Why stay and take care of them little kids. Maybe it was never meant for a woman like Willa to taint their young lives. +That's mighty brave of you, Reverend. I reckon it's been ordained this way, Brother Spoon. +I reckon it's been ordained this way, Brother Spoon. Didn't -- didn't she leave no word? +Didn't -- didn't she leave no word? A scrawl. On a piece of notepaper on the bureau. +She'll come draggin' her tail back home. She'll not be back. I reckon I'd be safe in promisin' you that. +She'll not be back. I reckon I'd be safe in promisin' you that. Maybe she's just run off on a spree. +John: take that look offen your face and act nice. He don't mean no impudence; do you, boy? Do you, boy? Ah, many's the time poor Brother Ben told me about these youngins. +John, Mr. Powell has got something to tell you. Well, John, the night before your father died, he told me what he did with that money. +Harry! I was praying. +I was praying. Oh, I'm sorry, Harry! I didn't know! I thought maybe -- +You thought, Willa, that the moment you walked in that door I'd start in to pawing you in the abominable way men are supposed to do on their wedding night. Ain't that right, now? No, Harry! I thought -- +No, Harry! I thought -- I think it's time we got one thing perfectly clear, Willa. Marriage to me represents a blending of two spirits in the sight of Heaven. +Get up, Willa. Harry, what -- +Harry, what -- Get up. +Do you want more children, Willa? I -- no, I -- +I -- no, I -- It's the business of our marriage to mind those two you have now -- not to beget more. +It's the business of our marriage to mind those two you have now -- not to beget more. Yes. +Are you through praying? I'm through, Harry. +You were listening outside the parlor window. It's not in the river, is it Harry? +It's not in the river, is it Harry? Answer me! +Answer me! Ben never told you he throwed it in the river? Did he? +Mornin', ladies. How'do. +You're Miz Cooper, I take it. It's about that John and that Pearl? +Shall I tell ye the little story of Right-Hand-Left-Hand -- the tale of Good and Evil? It was with this left hand that old brother Cain struck the blow that laid his brother low -- +It was with this left hand that old brother Cain struck the blow that laid his brother low -- Them kids is yours? +Them kids is yours? My flesh and blood! +My flesh and blood! Where's your Missus? +She run off with a drummer one night. Durin' prayer-meetin'. Where's she at? +Where's she at? Somewheres down river! Parkersburg, mebbe! -- Cincinnati! -- One of them Sodoms on the Ohio River. +Somewheres down river! Parkersburg, mebbe! -- Cincinnati! -- One of them Sodoms on the Ohio River. She took them kids with her? +She took them kids with her? Heaven only knows what unholy sights and sounds those innocent little babes has heard in the dens of perdition where she dragged them! +Heaven only knows what unholy sights and sounds those innocent little babes has heard in the dens of perdition where she dragged them! Right funny, hain't it, how they rowed all the way up river in a ten- foot john-boat! +Gracious, gracious! You are a good woman, Miz Cooper! How you figgerin' to raise them two without a woman? +How you figgerin' to raise them two without a woman? The Lord will provide. +The Lord is merciful! What a day is this! -- And there's little John! What's wrong, John? +What's wrong, John? Didn't you hear me, boy? +What do you want? Them kids! +Them kids! What are you after them for? +What are you after them for? None of your business, Madam. +None of your business, Madam. I'm givin' you to the count of three to get out that screen door; then I'm a-comin' across this kitchen shootin'! +Pearl and John! Not this time! It was just one youngin -- a little boy babe. And do you know who he was, children? +I been bad! Ruby, you didn't have no money to buy this. +Ruby, you didn't have no money to buy this. You'll whip me! +You'll whip me! When did I ever? +When did I ever? This man down at the Drugstore... +This man down at the Drugstore... The Drugstore? +The Drugstore? Miz Cooper. I never went to sewin' lessons all them times. +Miz Cooper. I never went to sewin' lessons all them times. What you been up to? +What you been up to? I been out with men. +This gentleman warn't like them! He just give me a sody and the book. Now who was this? +Now who was this? He never asked me for nothin'. +He never asked me for nothin'. He must have wanted somethin', Ruby. A man don't waste time on a girl unless he gets something. +What'd you all talk about? Pearl and John. +Pearl and John. John and Pearl! +Miz Cooper! What? +What? The man! The man! +Nancy have any severe childhood illnesses? Scarlet Fever? High temperatures -- concussions? No, nothing. +Nightmares are expected after psychological trauma. Don't worry, they go away. I sure as hell hope so. +They're just simple tests, Nan. We'll both be right here. Look, I know it's been frightening, I know your dreams have seemed real. But... it's okay. Okay? +Look, I know it's been frightening, I know your dreams have seemed real. But... it's okay. Okay? Please, Nancy. Trust us. +How long's this been going on? Since the murder. She was fine before that. +Since the murder. She was fine before that. Not to worry. No signs of pathology in Nancy's EEG or pulse rate. I'd guess what we've got is a normal young girl who just happens to have gone through two days of hell. +Not to worry. No signs of pathology in Nancy's EEG or pulse rate. I'd guess what we've got is a normal young girl who just happens to have gone through two days of hell. It's just made her think... her dreams are real... +Okay, good. She's asleep. Thank God. +What the hell are dreams, anyway? Mysteries. Incredible body hookus pokus. Truth is we still don't know what they are or where they come from. As for nightmares... Did you know that in the last three years twenty Filipino refugees in California died in the middle of nightmares? Not from heart attacks, either. They just died. +What happened? That needle sank like a rock. She's entering deep sleep now. Heart rate's a little high due to anxiety, but otherwise she's nicely relaxed. All normal. She could dream at any time now. Right now she's like a diver on the bottom of an ocean no one's mapped yet. Waiting to see what shows up. +How can you tell? R.E.M.'s. Rapid eye movements. The eyes follow the dream -- their movement picks up on this -- +Oh my god, oh my god... Get the kit! +Worked like a charm. Jesus. +It's just a stupid cat. Then bring us back its tail and whiskers. +So we'll guard her together. Through the night. In each others' arms like we always said. Glen. Not now. I mean, we're here for Tina now, not for ourselves. +Why's she so bothered by a stupid nightmare, anyway? Because he was scary, that's why. +Because he was scary, that's why. Who was scary? +What the hell's going on!? Oh -- jeez -- Glen! Rod's gone ape! +You okay? Yeah. Something slippery all over here... Tina? +Sometimes I wish you didn't live right across the street. Shut up and let me in. You ever stand on a rose trellis in your bare feet? +Guess I did. Haven't slept, have you? +Haven't slept, have you? Not really. +M'god, I look twenty years old. You have any weird dreams last night? Slept like a rock. +Slept like a rock. Well at least I have an objective wall to bounce this off. You believe it's possible to dream about what's going to happen? +Well at least I have an objective wall to bounce this off. You believe it's possible to dream about what's going to happen? No. +No. You believe in the Boogey Man? +You believe in the Boogey Man? One two, Freddie's coming for you? No. Rod killed Tina. He's a fruitcake and you know it. +One two, Freddie's coming for you? No. Rod killed Tina. He's a fruitcake and you know it. You believe in anything? +You believe in anything? I believe in you, me, and Rock and Roll. And I'm not too sure about you lately. +Listen, I got a crazy favor to ask. Uh-oh... +Uh-oh... It's nothing too hard or anything. I'm just going to... LOOK for someone, and... I want you to be sort of a... guard. Okay? +Okay? Okay, okay. I think. +Jesus, it's dark in here. Shhh. Now listen, here's what we're gonna do... +Yeah. So? Just checking -- keep out of sight! +Whenever I get nervous I eat. And if you can't do that, you sleep. +And if you can't do that, you sleep. Used to. Not anymore. +You ever read about the Balinese way of dreaming? No. +No. They got a whole system they call 'dream skills'. So, if you have a nightmare, for instance like falling, right? +They got a whole system they call 'dream skills'. So, if you have a nightmare, for instance like falling, right? Yeah. +Yeah. Instead of screaming and getting nuts, you say, okay, I'm gonna make up my mind that I fall into a magic world where I can get something special, like a poem or song. They get all their art literature from dreams. Just wake up and write it down. Dream skills. +And what if they meet a monster in their dream? Then what? They turn their back on it. Takes away its energy, and it disappears. +They turn their back on it. Takes away its energy, and it disappears. What happens if they don't do that? +What happens if they don't do that? I guess those people don't wake up to tell what happens. +I guess those people don't wake up to tell what happens. Great. +'Booby Traps and Improvised Antipersonnel Devices'! I found it at this neat survivalist bookstore on Ventura. +I found it at this neat survivalist bookstore on Ventura. Well what you reading it for? +Hello? Hi. +Hi. Oh. Hi, how y'doing? +Much better. I heard your ma went ape at the security store today. You look like the Prisoner of Zenda or something. How long's it been since you slept? +I heard your ma went ape at the security store today. You look like the Prisoner of Zenda or something. How long's it been since you slept? Coming up on the seventh day. It's okay, I checked Guiness. The record's eleven, and I'll beat that if I have to. Listen, I... I know who he is. +Coming up on the seventh day. It's okay, I checked Guiness. The record's eleven, and I'll beat that if I have to. Listen, I... I know who he is. Who? +Who? The killer. +The killer. You do? +You do? Yeah, and if he gets me, I'm pretty sure you're next. +Me!? Why would anyone want to kill me?! Don't ask -- just give me some help nailing this guy when I bring him out. +Bring him out of what? My dream. +My dream. How you plan to do that? +How you plan to do that? Just like I did the hat. Have a hold of the sucker when you wake me up. +Just like I did the hat. Have a hold of the sucker when you wake me up. Me? Wait a minute, you can't bring someone out of a dream! +Me? Wait a minute, you can't bring someone out of a dream! If I can't, then you all can relax, because it'll just be a simple case of me being nuts. +If I can't, then you all can relax, because it'll just be a simple case of me being nuts. I can save you the trouble. You're nutty as a fruitcake. I love you anyway. +I can save you the trouble. You're nutty as a fruitcake. I love you anyway. Good, then you won't mind cold-cocking this guy when I bring him out. +Good, then you won't mind cold-cocking this guy when I bring him out. What!? +What!? You heard me. I grab him in the dream -- you see me struggling so you wake me up. We both come out, you cold cock the fucker, and we got him. Clever, huh? +You heard me. I grab him in the dream -- you see me struggling so you wake me up. We both come out, you cold cock the fucker, and we got him. Clever, huh? You crazy? Hit him with what? +You crazy? Hit him with what? You're a jock. You must have a baseball bat or something. Come to my window at midnight. And meanwhile... +You're a jock. You must have a baseball bat or something. Come to my window at midnight. And meanwhile... Meanwhile...? +Meanwhile...? Meanwhile whatever you do don't fall asleep. Midnight. +How you doing, pal? Okay. Hi, dad. +Rod's not a lunatic. You got a sane explanation for what he did? +She dreamed this would happen... What? +What? She had a nightmare about somebody trying to kill her, last night. That's why we were there; she was afraid to sleep alone. +You used me, daddy! What the hell you doing going to school today, anyway -- your mother told me you didn't even sleep last night! +Decide to take a day off after all? Dad, I want to see Rod Lane. +Only family allowed, Nancy. You know the drill. Just want to talk to him a second. +Just want to talk to him a second. He's dangerous. +He's dangerous. You don't know he did it. +You don't know he did it. No, I know, thanks to your own testimony, that he was locked in a room with a girl who went in alive and came out in a rubber bag. +Dad -- what you doing here? It so happens I work here, and there's an unsolved murder. I don't like unsolved murders, especially ones my daughter's mixed up in -- what are you doing here at this hour? You're supposed to be getting some sleep. +Hello Nancy. Hi daddy. I know what happened. +Hi daddy. I know what happened. Then you know more than I do -- I haven't even been upstairs. +Then you know more than I do -- I haven't even been upstairs. You know he's dead though, right? +I've got a proposition for you. Listen very carefully, please. Nan, I -- +Nan, I -- Please. I'm gonna go get the guy who did it and bring him to you. I just need you be right there to arrest him. Okay? +Please. I'm gonna go get the guy who did it and bring him to you. I just need you be right there to arrest him. Okay? Just tell me who did it and I'll go get him, baby. +Just tell me who did it and I'll go get him, baby. Fred Krueger did it, Daddy, and only I can get him. It's my nightmare he comes to. +-- I want you to come over here and break the door down exactly twenty minutes from now -- can you do that? Sure, but... +Sure, but... That'll be exactly half past midnight. Time for me to fall asleep and find him. +That'll be exactly half past midnight. Time for me to fall asleep and find him. Sure, sure, honey. You just do that -- get yourself some sleep -- that's what I've been saying all along. +Sure, sure, honey. You just do that -- get yourself some sleep -- that's what I've been saying all along. And you'll be here to catch him, right? +Sure, okay, I'll be there. Now you just turn in and get some rest, sweetheart. Please. Deal? Deal. +DAD! GET US OUTTA HERE! Oh, Jesus -- Nancy! Hey! We got a fire! +Lieutenant Thompson. Sorry to wake you, but -- I'd've canned your ass if you hadn't. What you got? +What's the Coroner got to say? Something like a razor was the weapon, but nothing found on the scene. +Looks like her boyfriend did it. Rod Lane. Musician type, arrests for brawling, dope -- Terrific. What the hell was she doing there? +Terrific. What the hell was she doing there? She lived there. +She lived there. I don't mean her -- +Tell her I'm not here, tell her... Uh, she just saw you, sir... +Get outside and watch her house. If you see anything funny call me. 'Anything funny' like what? +Who? Who did that? Krueger. +Krueger. Krueger? +Had to've done it. No one else was in there. How you know that? +How you know that? Cause I thought Glen was gonna sneak out to see your lunatic daughter, that's why. So I locked him in his room! Sorry. Anyways, the door was still locked when we heard the screams. +Maybe god's punishing us all... Keep your head -- this is a fucking flesh and blood killer we're talking about. +Keep your head -- this is a fucking flesh and blood killer we're talking about. Like Rod Lane? +Apparently he was crazy jealous. Nancy said they'd had a fight, Rod and Tina. It wasn't that serious... +It wasn't that serious... Maybe you don't think murder's serious -- +Where you think you're going? School. +School. I could hear you tossing and turning all night, kiddo. You've no business going to school. +Did you sleep? I'll sleep in study hall, promise. I'd rather keep busy, you know? +Right home after. Right home after. See you. +Nancy, don't fall asleep in there. I won't. +I won't. Get into bed. +Get into bed. I will. +What? You're not falling asleep, are you? You could drown, you know. +You're not falling asleep, are you? You could drown, you know. Mother, for petesakes. +Mother, for petesakes. It happens all the time. I've got some warm milk all ready for you. Why don't you jump into bed? I'm gonna turn on your electric blanket, too. C'mon, now. +It happens all the time. I've got some warm milk all ready for you. Why don't you jump into bed? I'm gonna turn on your electric blanket, too. C'mon, now. Warm milk. Gross. +You okay? Great +Great To bed with you, c'mon. +No television, forget the homework, no phone calls. No, Mother. Yes, Mother. No, Mother. +No, Mother. Yes, Mother. No, Mother. And no school tomorrow, either. You take a little vacation, relax and rest for a change. +And no school tomorrow, either. You take a little vacation, relax and rest for a change. Yes, Mother. G'night. +Take this, it'll help you sleep. Right. +I must be going nuts... Nancy? +You okay? Yeah. Just had a little dream. I'm falling right back to sleep. +Yeah. Just had a little dream. I'm falling right back to sleep. Okay... You need anything, just call. +Okay... You need anything, just call. Okay. +Go even crazier? I don't think you're going crazy -- and stop drinking that damn coffee! +I don't think you're going crazy -- and stop drinking that damn coffee! Did you ask Daddy to have the hat examined? +Did you ask Daddy to have the hat examined? I threw that filthy thing away -- I don't know what you're trying to prove with it, but -- +What I learned at the dream clinic, that's what I'm trying to prove. Rod didn't kill Tina, and he didn't hang himself. It's this guy -- he's after us in our dreams. But that's just not reality, Nancy! +It's real, Mamma. Feel it. Put that damned thing down! +Screw sleep! Nancy! +What's with the bars? S'curity. +Mom, I want to know what you know about Fred Krueger. Dead and gone. +Dead and gone. I want to know how, where -- if you don't tell me, I'm going to call daddy. +Your father the cop. That's a good one. Forget Fred Krueger. You don't want to know, believe me. I do want to know. He's not dead and gone -- he's after me and if I sleep he'll get me! I've got to know! +Oh lawyers got fat and the judge got famous, but someone forgot to sign the search warrant in the right place, and Fred Krueger was free, just like that. So he's alive? +Bunch of us parents tracked him down after they let him go. Found him in an old boiler room, just like before. Saw him lying there in that caked red and yellow sweater he always wore, drunk an' asleep with his weird knives by his side... Go on... +All these years you've kept those things buried down here? In our own house? Proof he's declawed. As for him, we buried him good and deep. +Give me the key, mother. I don't even have it on me, so forget it. +Guess I should'n'a done it. Just sleep now, Mom. +Just sleep now, Mom. Just wanted to protect you, Nan. Just wanted to protect you... +Feeling better? They say you've bottomed out when you can't remember the night before. No more drinking, Baby, suddenly I just don't feel like it any more. +We got her mother's bed. You two got the rest. We should get her out of here... +Your old man thinks I did it, don't he? He doesn't know you. Couldn't you change? +He doesn't know you. Couldn't you change? The cops were all over my house. They'll kill me for sure. +The cops were all over my house. They'll kill me for sure. Nobody's gonna kill you. +I never touched her. You were screaming like crazy. +Someone else was there. The door was locked from your side. +And then what happened? I told you. It was dark, but I'm sure there was someone else IN there, under the covers with her. +How could somebody get under the covers with you guys without you knowing it? How the fuck do I know? I don't expect you to believe me. +No. Well then how can you say somebody else was there? +Well then how can you say somebody else was there? Because somebody cut her. While I watched. +What you mean 'all at once'? I mean, it was as if there were four razors cutting her at the same time. But invisible razors. She just... opened up... +Do you think I did it? No. +Rod says the sweetest things. He's nuts about you. +He's nuts about you. Yeah, nuts. +Anyway, I'm too tired to worry about the creep. Couldn't get back to sleep at all. So what you dream? Forget it, the point is, everybody has nightmares once in a while. No biggy. +I can't believe his mother let him come over here. Right. Well, she didn't, exactly... +Nice to have a fire. Really. Turn 'er up a little. +Maybe we should call Rod, have him come over too. He might get jealous. Rod and I are done. He's too much of a maniac. +What you dream? I dreamed about this guy in a dirty red and yellow sweater; I dream in color, y'know; he walked into the room I was in, right, right through the wall, like it was smoke or something, and just stared at me. Sort of... obscenely. Then he walked out through the wall on the other side. Like he'd just come to check me out... +What the hell you doing here? Came to make up, no big deal. Your ma home? +Came to make up, no big deal. Your ma home? Of course. What's that? +You feel better now, right? Jungle man fix Jane. +Jungle man fix Jane. No more fights? +No more fights? No more fights. +No more fights. Good. No more nightmares for either of us then. +When did you have a nightmare? Guys can have nightmares too, y'know. You ain't got a corner on the fucking market or something. +Thank you, Comrade. Have you any money? +Well, here are fifty francs. Thank you, Comrade, thank you. +Thank you, Comrade, thank you. Bring me forty-five back. +Bring me forty-five back. Naturally, Comrade. +What is it, Ninotchka? It's from Paris. +From Leon. From Leon!... How is he?... Come, tell us... open it... tell us... how is he? +Good evening, Anna. Good evening, Ninotchka. +Good evening, Ninotchka. Aren't you late? +Aren't you late? No, the opera starts an hour later tonight on account of the parade. +"They didn't let me. I am in disgrace. Last week at the performance of Carmen I played a sour note. The conductor got so excited he yelled, ""There's sabotage in the string section!""" Too bad... you missed an inspiring day, Anna. +Too bad... you missed an inspiring day, Anna. I know... my heart is sad... but my feet are happy. When all the tanks and guns were roaring over the Red Square I sat here all by myself and played a Beethoven sonata. Not bad at all. Are you expecting someone? +I know... my heart is sad... but my feet are happy. When all the tanks and guns were roaring over the Red Square I sat here all by myself and played a Beethoven sonata. Not bad at all. Are you expecting someone? A few friends... just a little dinner party. +A few friends... just a little dinner party. What are you serving? +What are you serving? An omelet. +An omelet. An omelet! Aren't you living a little above your ration? +An omelet! Aren't you living a little above your ration? Well, I've saved up two eggs and each of my friends is bringing his own so we'll manage. +Well, I've saved up two eggs and each of my friends is bringing his own so we'll manage. It just goes to prove the theory of our State. If you stand alone it means a boiled egg but if you're true to the collective spirit and stick together you've got an omelet. That reminds me... have you heard the latest they're telling about the Kremlin? +I'll tell you later. That Gurganov, you never know whether he's on his way to the washroom or the Secret Police. You should be more careful, Anna. +You should be more careful, Anna. And you too, Ninotchka. +And you too, Ninotchka. About what? +About what? Ever since you have been back from Paris... +Ever since you have been back from Paris... I haven't talked to anyone about Paris. I haven't said a word. +I haven't talked to anyone about Paris. I haven't said a word. That's just it. It makes people feel queer. I dont' want you to get in any trouble. +That's just it. It makes people feel queer. I dont' want you to get in any trouble. I have nothing to hide. +I have nothing to hide. You should. I'll show you. +When I passed through the laundry yard today I saw all the women huddled around this so I brought it up here. Things like this create a bad feeling. First they didn't know whose it was. Then they saw the Paris label and did it start a commotion! Some said it's what we all ought to wear and others said it's like hanging foreign ideas on our clothesline. It undermines our whole cause. I see. +I see. You know how it is today... all you have to do is wear a pair of silk stockings and they suspect you of counter-revolution. +You know how it is today... all you have to do is wear a pair of silk stockings and they suspect you of counter-revolution. Thank you, Anna. I'll dry it up here when I wash it next. I should hate to see our country endangered by my underwear. +Thank you, Anna. I'll dry it up here when I wash it next. I should hate to see our country endangered by my underwear. Ninotchka, you know I am your friend, you can trust me.... Did you bring back anything else? +No, I left everything in Paris. I just happened to be wearing this. Tell me... what else did you have? +Tell me... what else did you have? Well, a hat... +Well, a hat... What was it like? +What was it like? It was very silly.... I would be ashamed to wear it here. +It was very silly.... I would be ashamed to wear it here. As beautiful as that? What else? Come, tell me. +As beautiful as that? What else? Come, tell me. An evening gown. +An evening gown. Evening gown? +Evening gown? A dress you wear in the evening. +A dress you wear in the evening. What do you wear in the morning? +What do you wear in the morning? When you get up you put on a negligee, and then you change to a morning frock. +When you get up you put on a negligee, and then you change to a morning frock. You mean to tell me you wear a different dress for different times of the day? +You mean to tell me you wear a different dress for different times of the day? Yes. +Yes. Now, Ninotchka, you're exaggerating. +Now, Ninotchka, you're exaggerating. No, my dear, it is true. That's how they live in the other world. Here we dress to have our bodies covered... to keep warm.... +No, my dear, it is true. That's how they live in the other world. Here we dress to have our bodies covered... to keep warm.... And there? +And there? Well, sometimes they're not completely covered but... they don't freeze. +Well, sometimes they're not completely covered but... they don't freeze. They must have wonderful materials to make a thing like this so soft... something you don't even see. +They must have wonderful materials to make a thing like this so soft... something you don't even see. You feel it, though. +You feel it, though. Ninotchka, I wouldn't bring this up if we weren't such good friends. +Ninotchka, I wouldn't bring this up if we weren't such good friends. What is it, Anna? +What is it, Anna? You know I told you that Pavlov and I are going to get married when he comes back from the maneuvers. Would it be asking too much... +You know I told you that Pavlov and I are going to get married when he comes back from the maneuvers. Would it be asking too much... You want this? +You want this? Just for the honeymoon. +Just for the honeymoon. You can have it for good. It is my wedding present. +Are you the Buljanoff who fought on the barricades? And now you are afraid to take a room with a bath? I don't want to go to Siberia. +Comrades! Comrades! Don't let's give in so quickly. After all we have to uphold the prestige of Russia. All right, let's uphold it for another ten minutes. +You wouldn't like Razinin. He's a bad man. Sends people to Siberia! +And how is Lord Lavenham? ...and little Lady Beatrice? +Are we free, Buljanoff? Possibly. +No, that's not him... Positively not! +That's her. Imagine! The niece of the Czar opening the door for us. +Imagine! The niece of the Czar opening the door for us. Once in Petersburg I was driving down the Nevsky Prospect in my cart and Her Highness in her troika swept down from the opposite direction, and when I couldn't make way quick enough she spat in my face. +You must help us, Leon... if you don't win her over we're on our way to Siberia! Or it might be the firing squad! +Or it might be the firing squad! Or we can't go back to Russia! +Imagine, for once in our lives we were in Paris and we never went to the Eiffel Tower. That's right. +If you hadn't given Commissar Razinin such a wonderful report about us, who knows what would have happened? I can tell you exactly. +A little more tact... look how nicely she's fixed the table -- all for us. How nicely you've fixed the table, Ninotchka. +Can you blame them?... at least the May Day parade is over. That's another thing... it's spring. +It is, Ninotchka! It is! He must have been in Paris! You can see it in his whole attitude! He just picked up a crumb of our black bread, shook his head, and dropped it. If you asked him why he left France I bet he couldn't name one good reason. +If you asked him why he left France I bet he couldn't name one good reason. I should be a swallow! Right now I would be sitting in front of the Café de Paris picking up flakes of French pastry that would melt in my bill. +Let's fill it with confitures, des prunes... ...des raisins de Madère, des framboises... +And the surprise is there's nothing in it. I know, but if we can't put in all these wonderful things at least let's put in some imagination. In that one omelet we'll taste the whole of Paris! +We are not comrades any more... we are friends, Ninotchka. Imagine, we don't have to whisper any longer. +...it may step out of a bazaar... it may wait for you in a corridor... it may hide in the shadow of a minaret.... Right now it's on the balcony. +Just a minute -- just a minute -- I have nothing against the idea but I still say let's go back to the Hotel Terminus. Moscow made our reservations there, we are on an official mission, and we have no right to change the orders of our superior. Where is your courage, Comrade Buljanoff? +Now Comrades, I warn you... if it gets out in Moscow that we stay in the Royal Suite we will get into terrible trouble. We'll just say we had to take it on account of the safe. That's a perfect excuse. There was no other safe big enough. +Capitalistic methods... They accumulate millions by taking loss after loss. +He's cutting our throat... But what can we do?... We have to accept. +We don't like Razinin. We like you, Leon -- don't we like Leon? +Misha! Misha! What is it? +What is it? A telegram from Moscow! It must have been here all day! +That must be the one! Yes, he looks like a comrade! +We had to take it on account of the safe. For ourselves... we are much happier now since we moved to a little room next to the servants' quarters. +And Leonitchka! What she said about us...! And they might believe her in Moscow. +And they might believe her in Moscow. What do you mean they might -- they will! +Yes! We could stay with Leon! Leon, how would you like to have three lifelong friends? +You know what they say -- there's nothing like home. That's right... and we might as well face it. +Let's be happy that we're all alive. And that's something we owe to Ninotchka. +What a lovely room you have here. How many families live here with you? +She's right... anyhow let's talk ourselves into it. Just see how happy the people look... from here.... +And if it is too late for you your children will eat it. Let's forget the future... let's stop being sentimental... let's start that omelet. +We can say whatever we want. We can shout... we can complain... Look... The service in this hotel is terrible! See? Nobody comes... nobody pays any attention. That's freedom. No, that's bad management. +Is there anything I can do for you, monsieur? No, no. +I am Comrade Buljanoff. Monsieur. +Monsieur. May I ask how much your rooms are? +May I ask how much your rooms are? Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid our rates are rather high. +Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid our rates are rather high. Why should you be afraid? +How are things in Moscow? Very good. The last mass trials were a great success. There are going to be fewer but better Russians. +This is the apartment we have reserved for you, Comrade Yakushova. I hope you like it. Which part of the room is mine? +Which lawyer? You didn't get legal advice? +You didn't get legal advice? We didn't want to get mixed up with lawyers. They are very expensive here. If you just say hello to a lawyer... well, there goes another cow. +Comrade Buljanoff... Yes, Comrade? +Yes, Comrade? Do you spell Buljanoff with one or two f's? +Do you spell Buljanoff with one or two f's? With two f's, if you please. +Is there anything I can do, Comrade? You might get me an accurate map of Paris. I want to use my spare time to inspect the public utilities and make a study of all outstanding technical achievements in the city. +You might get me an accurate map of Paris. I want to use my spare time to inspect the public utilities and make a study of all outstanding technical achievements in the city. Yes, Comrade. +There's something else which I know will appeal to you. A visit to the Paris sewers. They tell me it is extremely instructive. Huh?... Why don't you get a haircut, Buljanoff? You all look so wintry, Comrades. And why do we always keep the windows closed? Isn't it amazing, at home there's still snow and ice and here... Look at the birds. I always felt a little hurt that our swallows deserted us in the winter for capitalistic countries. Now I know why. We have the high ideal but they have the climate... well, Comrades, I don't think I need you any more. +Now let's forget everything except that we're together. That's right. +Let's not close our eyes. There are many good things to see here too. I think I need my glasses. +Comrades... I'm out of the omelet. Don't worry... there will be enough. +It is high time you got out of Russia. I must be stern with you. +Don't forget, the day will come when you will have to face Razinin. Good old Razinin! Is he still alive? How does he manage? +Good old Razinin! Is he still alive? How does he manage? But, Comrades... +Is it possible to bring you back to reality for a moment? I must have a complete report of your negotiations and a detailed expense account. "Don't ask for it, Ninotchka. There is a Turkish proverb which says, ""If something smells bad, why put your nose in it?""" +"Don't ask for it, Ninotchka. There is a Turkish proverb which says, ""If something smells bad, why put your nose in it?""" "And there is a Russian saying: ""The cat who has cream on his whiskers had better find good excuses.""" +"And there is a Russian saying: ""The cat who has cream on his whiskers had better find good excuses.""" With our cream situation what it is, it is Russia which should apologize to the cats. +With our cream situation what it is, it is Russia which should apologize to the cats. Friends... friends, Buljanoff, Iranoff... +"All you have to do is say ""open sesame.""" I don't know how I can get you out of it this time. How will it end? What will happen to you? +I don't know how I can get you out of it this time. How will it end? What will happen to you? Shall we tell her? +Guest? We have opened a restaurant... +We are not only serving good food, we are serving our country... we are making friends. Who gave you this idea? What is responsible for all this? +You think because you represent the former Duchess... The Duchess... +The Duchess... The former Duchess! +The former Duchess! In any case, gentlemen, a charming, beautiful, exquisite woman. I warn you, if this case comes to trial it will be before a French court, and when the Duchess takes the stand... +Not that we are giving in one inch, but tell us... what is in your mind? Well, gentlemen, how about my proposition? +About this telegram to Moscow. Why should you bother? I'll write it for you. Leon... Leonitchka... Why are you so good to us? +Didn't we put up a strong resistance? Oh, yes, yes. +Boys, boys... don't forget Russia is your mother country. Three sons walking out all at once... that's too much for any mother. Well, if your mother turns against you, you have to look for someone to adopt you. +Good morning, Your Highness. Good morning, Gaston. +Good morning, Gaston. Count d'Algout is still asleep. +Count d'Algout is still asleep. That's all right. +Nonsense. How can you fight the Reds and make yourself agreeable to the Whites if you don't keep up your strength. Shall I draw your bath, sir? +A blue shirt, perhaps? Blue? Let's offset his mood. Find a striped one, and brighten it with a great blaze of tie. +Blue? Let's offset his mood. Find a striped one, and brighten it with a great blaze of tie. Very well, Your Highness. +Good evening, Gaston. Good evening, Monsieur. +Count d'Algout, there have been several telephone... Go to bed. +Your breakfast, monsieur. I don't feel like any breakfast. +What time have you, Gaston? Eight forty-two, sir. +Eight forty-two, sir. I guess it is eight forty-two. +I guess it is eight forty-two. You seem to be a bit nervous, sir. +You seem to be a bit nervous, sir. I am, Gaston. +I am, Gaston. If you will forgive me, ever since you met that Bolshevik lady I've noticed a distinct change in you, sir. +If you will forgive me, ever since you met that Bolshevik lady I've noticed a distinct change in you, sir. Have you? +Have you? Decidedly. Yesterday I was greatly amazed when I came from the market and found that you had made your bed, sir. +Decidedly. Yesterday I was greatly amazed when I came from the market and found that you had made your bed, sir. And Gaston, I was happier all day long. I felt I'd contributed something. +And Gaston, I was happier all day long. I felt I'd contributed something. Well, sir, if you should do it again, which I hope you won't, please remember the order. Counterpane, blanket, blanket, sheet, sheet. +Well, sir, if you should do it again, which I hope you won't, please remember the order. Counterpane, blanket, blanket, sheet, sheet. Ah, there's something poetic about the simple processes of labor. Counterpane, blanket, blanket, sheet, sheet... it should be set to music! +Ah, there's something poetic about the simple processes of labor. Counterpane, blanket, blanket, sheet, sheet... it should be set to music! May I add, sir, that it was with great amazement that I found a copy of Karl Marx's Capital on your night table. That is a socialistic volume which I refuse to so much as dust, sir. I view with alarm, sir, the influence over you of this Bolshevik lady. +May I add, sir, that it was with great amazement that I found a copy of Karl Marx's Capital on your night table. That is a socialistic volume which I refuse to so much as dust, sir. I view with alarm, sir, the influence over you of this Bolshevik lady. I can't follow you, Gaston, isn't it about time that you realized the unfairness of your position? You being my servant? Wouldn't you like to stand on an equal footing with me? +I can't follow you, Gaston, isn't it about time that you realized the unfairness of your position? You being my servant? Wouldn't you like to stand on an equal footing with me? No, sir. +No, sir. Isn't there any revolt in you? Sometimes when I order you around don't you feel like kicking me in the pants? +Isn't there any revolt in you? Sometimes when I order you around don't you feel like kicking me in the pants? No, sir. +No, sir. "Oh, you're a reactionary! Don't you look forward to the day when you can come in here and stand square on your two feet and say, ""Hey, you, d'Algout! from now on it's going to be share and share alike""?" +"Oh, you're a reactionary! Don't you look forward to the day when you can come in here and stand square on your two feet and say, ""Hey, you, d'Algout! from now on it's going to be share and share alike""?" Emphatically not, sir. The prospect terrifies me. Now, don't misunderstand me, sir, I don't resent your not paying me for the past two months, but the thought that I should split my bank account with you... that you should take half of my life's savings... that is really too much for me. +Your Highness... Yes, General Savitzky? +Yes, General Savitzky? I want you to know all the White Russian exiles in Paris are keeping their fingers crossed about the jewels. They are very interested in the case. Swana suspects her countrymen. +I want you to know all the White Russian exiles in Paris are keeping their fingers crossed about the jewels. They are very interested in the case. Swana suspects her countrymen. Are they indeed? Thank you. +Are they indeed? Thank you. They hope the settlement will bring you a fortune. +They hope the settlement will bring you a fortune. General, please... if you hear any rumors that I am a charitable person, will you please kill them at their source? +You're looking magnificent, Leon... ...isn't he, General Savitzky? Yes. +General, would you mind making my excuses at our table? I'll be back in a few moments. Certainly. +Good evening, Your Highness. Good evening, Louis. You seem to be very crowded tonight. Can you manage a table near the floor? +Good evening, Louis. You seem to be very crowded tonight. Can you manage a table near the floor? Certainly, Your Highness, this way please... Count d'Algout made the reservation this afternoon. +Certainly, Your Highness, this way please... Count d'Algout made the reservation this afternoon. Count d'Algout... +Count d'Algout... It is only a small table but it will be no trouble to put in some extra chairs. +Only one in the rear, I'm afraid. That's perfect! +Is this satisfactory? Thank you, Louis. +Comrades, why should we lie to each other? It's wonderful. Let's be honest. Have we anything like it in Russia? +They tell me when you ring once the valet comes in; when you ring twice you get the waiter; and do you know what happens when you ring three times? A maid comes in -- a French maid. Comrades, if we ring nine times... let's go in. +I don't want to go to the Hotel Terminus. "If Lenin were alive he would say, ""Buljanoff, Comrade, for once in your life you're in Paris. Don't be a fool. Go in there and ring three times.""" +"If Lenin were alive he would say, ""Buljanoff, Comrade, for once in your life you're in Paris. Don't be a fool. Go in there and ring three times.""" "He wouldn't say that. What he would say is ""Buljanoff, you can't afford to live in a cheap hotel. Doesn't the prestige of the Bolsheviks mean anything to you? Do you want to live in a hotel where you press for the hot water and cold water comes and when you press for the cold water nothing comes out at all? Phooey, Buljanoff!""" +We can wait. Do we give the impression of people who are pressed for money? +You know, Monsieur Mercier, this is all non-sense. These may have been the jewels of the Duchess Swana, but, like all private property, they were confiscated by the State. +We can call our ambassador. I give you my word! They were confiscated legally! +That won't help you! You can't intimidate us! Soviet Russia will put all its might behind this case. +Yes, Leon... What is it, my boy? +Leon, my little boy. Oh, Leon, you are so good. +Halt negotiations immediately. Envoy extraordinary arrives Thursday six ten with full power. Your authority cancelled herewith. Razinin. It is Thursday! +This is a fine thing. Maybe we've missed him already. How can you find somebody without knowing what he looks like? +We don't blame you, Leon, but when we came from Russia we believed in simplicity... We avoided luxury and extravagance and today... well, if you were to offer us a glass of champagne, we wouldn't say no. +They tell me it has a wonderful restaurant on the second floor. While you eat, you look at the view. +Let's do that. It's a real Paris reunion. +It's a real Paris reunion. If you close your eyes and listen to our voices we might be in Paris. +...des petites fraises des bois... de la crème de Bretagne... ...so it blows up that big... what they call an Omelette Surprise! +Well, I think it's getting late. Good night, Ninotchka. Thank you for a wonderful dinner. +That was our idea when we first came. All we thought we would get out of this trip was a Turkish bath, but... we learned better. Ninotchka, we are in the magic East, the country of Aladdin and His Lamp... +Ninotchka, we are in the magic East, the country of Aladdin and His Lamp... ...Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves... into one single hour you can crowd a thousand and one nights. +Don't call it desertion. Our little restaurant... that is our Russia... the Russia of borscht, the Russia of beef Stroganoff, blinis with sour cream... ...the Russia of piroshki... people will eat and love it. +There's something in Constantinople... something irresistible.... ...it is in the air... it may come around the corner as you walk down the street.... +We don't want to be disturbed. My name is Count d'Algout. I telephoned. +My name is Count d'Algout. I telephoned. If you want to see us you must come later. +If you want to see us you must come later. I just want a word with Monsieur Mercier. +I just want a word with Monsieur Mercier. But you can't... +Well, gentlemen... how about a little lunch? Get out of here! +Get out of here! Don't look so gloomy, gentlemen. All is not lost. You may have a chance. +All right, go ahead, get her on the witness stand! What can she say? But how will she look? The fashions this spring are very becoming to her. Gentlemen, the judge will be French, the jury will be French, everybody in that courtroom will be French. Have you ever seen a French court when a beautiful woman sits on the witness stand and lifts her skirt a little? You sit down and pull up your pants and where will it get you? +But how will she look? The fashions this spring are very becoming to her. Gentlemen, the judge will be French, the jury will be French, everybody in that courtroom will be French. Have you ever seen a French court when a beautiful woman sits on the witness stand and lifts her skirt a little? You sit down and pull up your pants and where will it get you? I suppose you expect us to hand over the jewels? +I suppose you expect us to hand over the jewels? Oh, no, no. I am not a highwayman, I'm just a nuisance. All I'm trying to do is make things as difficult as possible. +What proposition? I just said let's have a little lunch. Room service. +What's the name of that Commissar on the Board of Trade? Razinin. +Razinin. Razinin, Board of Trade, Moscow. +And if we have to go to Siberia... I'll send you a muff. +She says she won't be intimidated by parasites. She called the Duchess a blood-sucking aristocrat and a blackmailer. What did she say about me? +What did she say about me? I think she covered you with the parasites. +You found your way to us and we weren't easy to reach, were we? No, no. +I am looking for Michael Simonovitch Iranoff. I am Michael Simonovitch Iranoff. +I am Michael Simonovitch Iranoff. I am Nina Ivanovna Yakushova, Envoy Extraordinary, acting under direct orders of Comrade Commissar Razinin. Present me to your colleagues. +Comrade Buljanoff... Comrade. +Comrade. Comrade Kopalski... +Comrade Kopalski... Comrade. +Comrade. What a charming idea for Moscow to surprise us with a lady comrade. +How much does this cost? Two thousand francs. +Two thousand francs. A week? +A week? A day. +A day. Do you know how much a cow costs, Comrade Iranoff? +Do you know how much a cow costs, Comrade Iranoff? A cow? +A cow? Two thousand francs. If I stay here a week I will cost the Russian people seven cows. Who am I to cost the Russian people seven cows? +Well, it means another two weeks in Paris. Too bad we have to waste all that time. +Come, now, you must not talk that way.... You have to adjust yourselves.... We must be brave. Brave... that's right. +Only myself and two other girls. One is a cello player in the opera and the other a street-car conductor. Just three people in a room this size? Whew! +Bad news? Look for yourselves. +But Buljanoff, Iranoff, Kopalski... Now, please, Ninotchka, don't start figuring it out in cows. +Now, please, Ninotchka, don't start figuring it out in cows. You've done it again and I am responsible. How can you forget yourselves this way? You were sent here to make money, not to spend it. +You've done it again and I am responsible. How can you forget yourselves this way? You were sent here to make money, not to spend it. Buljanoff, she still has those old- fashioned Bolshevik ideas. +"...we have a wonderful electric sign: ""Dine With Buljanof, Iranoff, and Kopalski.""" You mean you are deserting Russia? +Yes, monsieur? Just looking around. +This is Comrade Kopalski. Monsieur. +I might be able to accommodate you. Is there some more luggage? Oh, yes, but have you a safe here big enough to hold this? +Oh, yes, but have you a safe here big enough to hold this? I'm afraid we have no boxes of that size in our vault, but there is one suite with a private safe... +I'm afraid we have no boxes of that size in our vault, but there is one suite with a private safe... That's even better. +That's even better. But, gentlemen, I am afraid... +A Special Envoy is coming from Moscow. He'll occupy the Royal Suite. Move our things to the smallest room you've got. Yes, monsieur. +Yes, monsieur. Right away... instantly! +Now, monsieur, you have no right... Just a moment. I hope you haven't closed this deal, Monsieur Mercier. It might bring you into serious difficulties. +We may have a chance. Yes... a very slim one. I want to be fair. I don't deny that you might make out some kind of a case. +Yes... a very slim one. I want to be fair. I don't deny that you might make out some kind of a case. We haven't anything to discuss with you. We'll talk to a lawyer! +We haven't anything to discuss with you. We'll talk to a lawyer! All right -- go ahead... you talk to the lawyer and I'll talk to the judge! +How does this strike you? Commissar Razinin, Board of Trade, Moscow. Unexpected situation here. Duchess Swana in Paris claims jewels, and has already brought injunction against sale or removal. After long and careful study we suggest in the interest of our beloved country a fifty-fifty settlement as best solution. Iranoff, Buljanoff, and Kopalski. If we say that, Leon... we'll be sent to Siberia! +What's new? Leon, Leonitchka, she is not going to negotiate! She is going to fight that injunction. She's going to make a precedent of it! +Well, boys, I'd like to help you but what can I do? Yesterday I waited six hours in the lobby! She doesn't leave her room! She has been locked in for the last two days with lawyers and law books! +She doesn't leave her room! She has been locked in for the last two days with lawyers and law books! All right, then make an appointment with her so I can see her! +All right, then make an appointment with her so I can see her! We can't... but you are so ingenious, Leon... +If we had known we would have greeted you with flowers. Don't make an issue of my womanhood. We are here for work... all of us. Let's not waste time. Shall we go? +He is a porter. He wants to carry them. Why?... Why should you carry other people's bags? +Allow me, Comrade. No, thank you. +What's that? It's a hat, Comrade, a woman's hat. +I am ashamed to put the picture of Lenin in a room like this. Comrades, your telegram was received with great disfavor in Moscow. We did our best, Comrade. +We did our best, Comrade. I hope so for your sake. Let us examine the case. What does the lawyer say? +We dealt directly with the representative of the Grand Duchess. I am sure if we call him he will give you a very clear picture. I will not repeat your mistake. I will have no dealings with the Grand Duchess nor her representative. +Will you send me some cigarettes, please? Comrades, I am not in a position to pass final judgment but at best you have been careless in your duty to the State. You were entrusted with more than a mere sale of jewelry. Why are we peddling our precious possessions to the world at this time? Our next year's crop is in danger and you know it. Unless we can get foreign currency to buy tractors there will not be enough bread for our people. And you three comrades... We did it with the best intentions... +We did it with the best intentions... We cannot feed the Russian people on your intentions. Fifty per cent to a so-called Duchess!... Half of every loaf of bread to our enemy! Comrade Kopalski, go at once to our Embassy and get the address of the best lawyer in Paris. +We cannot feed the Russian people on your intentions. Fifty per cent to a so-called Duchess!... Half of every loaf of bread to our enemy! Comrade Kopalski, go at once to our Embassy and get the address of the best lawyer in Paris. Yes, Comrade. +Yes, Comrade. You, Comrade Iranoff, go to the Public Library and get me the section of the Civil Code on property. +I acted on your suggestion and got in touch with the Power and Light authorities. Whenever you want to visit their plants they are open to you. Oh yes, Power and Light. Thank you. +If there is anything we can do for you... No, not a thing. Would you like to go out? +How are you, you three scoundrels? Well, we're back home. +And your own gas cooker? That's marvelous! Naturally it's not the Royal Suite... Sssh! Once and for all, we're in Moscow! +Sssh! Once and for all, we're in Moscow! Yes, there's no doubt of that... Just look out of the window and there it is. +Yes, there's no doubt of that... Just look out of the window and there it is. And it's great! Think what it was a few years ago and what it is now. +The same spring we had in Paris. Just as good. Even the swallows are back. +Now, comrades... there is something better in life than crumbs of French pastry. Yes, a good piece of apfel strudel.... +Yes, a good piece of apfel strudel.... We will get that... we'll get everything... maybe a little bit later but we'll get it... We must be patient... Finally we got the spring, didn't we? We got the swallows, and you will get your apfel strudel too. +...and Kopalski. Don't make it difficult for me. This is no more a pleasure trip for me than it is for you. +I'm sorry, gentlemen. The other day I heard such a funny story... It still makes me laugh. It is very funny. I am sorry. Oh yes... about this injunction... The hearing is set for the twentieth of this month. +The hearing is set for the twentieth of this month. That's two weeks from Thursday... +That's two weeks from Thursday... We did our utmost to have it set ahead. +We did our utmost to have it set ahead. I know, gentlemen, but it is in the hands of the Court. We're helpless, aren't we? +I know, gentlemen, but it is in the hands of the Court. We're helpless, aren't we? Yes. It is unfortunate. +Yes. It is unfortunate. Well, there's nothing we can do about it. Why get excited? +We'll leave these papers here for your further consideration. Au revoir, madame. Au revoir. +Give me another double brandy. That kind of propaganda is bad anywhere, but inciting the attendants of a powder room to go on strike.... Well, if she succeeds the consequences will be disastrous. +That kind of propaganda is bad anywhere, but inciting the attendants of a powder room to go on strike.... Well, if she succeeds the consequences will be disastrous. What can I do about it? +What can I do about it? She has been asked to leave the powder room but without success. We would appreciate if you would see to it yourself. +She has been asked to leave the powder room but without success. We would appreciate if you would see to it yourself. You want me to go in there? +You want me to go in there? I'm sorry, sir, but I must insist. +Pardon me, I am very interested in what you just said -- you mean when an envoy goes back to Russia -- if they don't like what he has done they put him out of the way? Not always... look at me... I've been back twice. +Not always... look at me... I've been back twice. Here's my passport.... Please give me a visa. I have to leave for Russia immediately. +Here's my passport.... Please give me a visa. I have to leave for Russia immediately. Count Leon d'Algout... a count!... a nobleman! +Count Leon d'Algout... a count!... a nobleman! Don't hold that against me... please! +Don't hold that against me... please! Why should an aristocrat want to go to Russia? +Why should an aristocrat want to go to Russia? Business. +Business. What business? +What business? Private. +Private. There is no privacy in Russia. This whole thing seems very suspicious. What's the real reason? If you ever want to get into Russia, take my advice... confess! +There is no privacy in Russia. This whole thing seems very suspicious. What's the real reason? If you ever want to get into Russia, take my advice... confess! Confess what? +Confess what? Are you sympathetic to the former Czaristic government -- the White Russians? +Are you sympathetic to the former Czaristic government -- the White Russians? On the contrary -- I don't want to have anything to do with them. +On the contrary -- I don't want to have anything to do with them. You believe in our cause? +She must have her little joke. You're not going to take that seriously. The Grand Duchess Swana... active in the White Russian movement? +The Grand Duchess Swana... active in the White Russian movement? Believe me, I have no connection with her any longer... I swear I haven't! +Believe me, I have no connection with her any longer... I swear I haven't! But you had! +But you had! Listen, I want to be absolutely frank with you. I have no business in Moscow. +Listen, I want to be absolutely frank with you. I have no business in Moscow. I think so too. +I think so too. I want to see a friend of mine... a very dear friend.... It's a personal matter which has nothing to do with politics or social philosophies.... It's a girl. +I want to see a friend of mine... a very dear friend.... It's a personal matter which has nothing to do with politics or social philosophies.... It's a girl. So it's love which drags you to Moscow. +So it's love which drags you to Moscow. Yes! +Yes! No visa. +No visa. I must get into that country of yours! +I must get into that country of yours! Oh no. No visa. +Oh no. No visa. That's impossible! Nobody has the right.... You can't do that!... If you don't give me that visa... +That's impossible! Nobody has the right.... You can't do that!... If you don't give me that visa... You're going to force us... huh? +You're going to force us... huh? Now look here... you advertise all over the world that you want people to go into your country and when someone tries to get in, you keep him out! +Now look here... you advertise all over the world that you want people to go into your country and when someone tries to get in, you keep him out! Why should I take a chance? +Why should I take a chance? On what? +On what? How do I know you don't want to blow up a factory? +How do I know you don't want to blow up a factory? What for... why? +What for... why? Or a tunnel or a bridge... +Or a tunnel or a bridge... Suspicions... nothing but suspicions!... That's the trouble with you! If you don't let me in I'll stand in front of this office of yours and warn people to keep away from Russia!... I'll picket your whole country.... +You, please. Me? +Me? Yes. Could you give me some information? +Yes. Could you give me some information? Gladly. +Gladly. How long do we have to wait here? +How long do we have to wait here? Well -- until the policeman whistles again. +Well -- until the policeman whistles again. At what intervals does he whistle? +At what intervals does he whistle? What? +What? How many minutes between the first and second whistle? +How many minutes between the first and second whistle? That's funny. It's interesting. I never gave it a thought before. +That's funny. It's interesting. I never gave it a thought before. Have you never been caught in a similar situation? +Have you never been caught in a similar situation? Have I? Do you know when I come to think about it it's staggering. If I add it all up I must have spent years waiting for signals. Imagine! An important part of my life wasted between whistles. +Have I? Do you know when I come to think about it it's staggering. If I add it all up I must have spent years waiting for signals. Imagine! An important part of my life wasted between whistles. In other words you don't know. +In other words you don't know. No. +No. Thank you. +Thank you. You're welcome. +Can I help you? You might hold this for me. +You might hold this for me. Love to. +Love to. Correct me if I am wrong... We are facing north, aren't we? +Correct me if I am wrong... We are facing north, aren't we? Facing north... I'd hate to commit myself without my compass... Pardon me... are you an explorer? +Facing north... I'd hate to commit myself without my compass... Pardon me... are you an explorer? No... I am looking for the Eiffel Tower. +No... I am looking for the Eiffel Tower. Is that thing lost again?... Listen... if you are interested in a view... +Is that thing lost again?... Listen... if you are interested in a view... I am interested in the Eiffel Tower from a technical standpoint. +I am interested in the Eiffel Tower from a technical standpoint. Technical... I couldn't help you from that angle. You see, a real Parisian only goes to the top of the tower in moments of despair to jump off. +Technical... I couldn't help you from that angle. You see, a real Parisian only goes to the top of the tower in moments of despair to jump off. How long does it take a man to land? +How long does it take a man to land? Now, isn't that too bad! The last time I jumped I forgot to clock it! Let me see... Eiffel Tower... Your finger, please. +Why do you need my finger? Bad manners to point with your own... Here... the Eiffel Tower. +Bad manners to point with your own... Here... the Eiffel Tower. And where are we? +And where are we? Here... here we are... here you are and here I am... feel it? +Here... here we are... here you are and here I am... feel it? I am interested only in the shortest distance between these two points. Must you flirt? +I am interested only in the shortest distance between these two points. Must you flirt? I don't have to but I find it natural. +I don't have to but I find it natural. Suppress it. +Suppress it. I'll try. +For my own information would you call your approach toward me typical of the local morale? Madame, it is that kind of approach which has made Paris what it is. +Madame, it is that kind of approach which has made Paris what it is. You are very sure of yourself, aren't you? +You are very sure of yourself, aren't you? Nothing has occurred recently to shake my confidence. +Nothing has occurred recently to shake my confidence. I have heard of the arrogant male in capitalistic society. It is having a superior earning power that makes you like that. +I have heard of the arrogant male in capitalistic society. It is having a superior earning power that makes you like that. A Russian! I love Russians! Comrade... I have been fascinated by your Five- Year Plan for the past fifteen years! +A Russian! I love Russians! Comrade... I have been fascinated by your Five- Year Plan for the past fifteen years! Your type will soon be extinct. +The foundation is one hundred and forty-one yards square... I hope you'll forgive me but I thought you'd... Go ahead. +Four massive piers of masonry are sunk to a depth of forty-six feet on the side of the Seine, and twenty- nine and one-half feet on the other side. The girders of interlaced iron- work which stay the structure have an inclination of fifty-four degrees... That's a strange angle. +That's a strange angle. Yes, very strange. +You gave me some very valuable information. Thank you. And thank you for getting me up here. I've never seen this before. Beautiful, isn't it? +And thank you for getting me up here. I've never seen this before. Beautiful, isn't it? Yes, it is. +Yes, it is. I'm glad I saw it before becoming extinct. +I'm glad I saw it before becoming extinct. Do not misunderstand me. I do not hold your frivolity against you. As basic material you might not be bad, but you are the unfortunate product of a doomed culture. I feel sorry for you. +Do not misunderstand me. I do not hold your frivolity against you. As basic material you might not be bad, but you are the unfortunate product of a doomed culture. I feel sorry for you. You must admit that this doomed old civilization sparkles... It glitters! +I do not deny its beauty, but it is a waste of electricity. What a city! There are the Grands Boulevards... blasted out of the heart of the old streets. The Arc de Triomphe... made to greet Napoleon's army. The Opera! And Montmartre... Montparnasse... La Bohème... and now I'll show you the greatest attraction! It will cost me a franc but it is worth it. The most wonderful spot in all Paris -- unique! Here, look.... What do you see? +What a city! There are the Grands Boulevards... blasted out of the heart of the old streets. The Arc de Triomphe... made to greet Napoleon's army. The Opera! And Montmartre... Montparnasse... La Bohème... and now I'll show you the greatest attraction! It will cost me a franc but it is worth it. The most wonderful spot in all Paris -- unique! Here, look.... What do you see? I see a house that looks like any other house. What's remarkable about it? +I see a house that looks like any other house. What's remarkable about it? It's not the structure but the spirit which dwells within. There are three rooms and a kitchenette dedicated to hospitality. +It's not the structure but the spirit which dwells within. There are three rooms and a kitchenette dedicated to hospitality. So that is your house? +So that is your house? Well, let's say I live in it. Such a pleasant place... all kinds of comfort, easy to reach, close to street car, bus, and subway... +Well, let's say I live in it. Such a pleasant place... all kinds of comfort, easy to reach, close to street car, bus, and subway... Does that mean that you want me to go there? +Does that mean that you want me to go there? Please don't misunderstand me... +Please don't misunderstand me... Then you don't want me to go there. +Then you don't want me to go there. Now I didn't say that either... naturally nothing would please me more. +Now I didn't say that either... naturally nothing would please me more. Then why don't we go? You might be an interesting subject of study. +Then why don't we go? You might be an interesting subject of study. I will do my best. +"Is this what you call the ""butler""?" Yes. +Yes. Good evening, comrade. This man is horribly old. You should not make him work. +Good evening, comrade. This man is horribly old. You should not make him work. He takes good care of that. +He takes good care of that. He looks sad. Do you whip him? +He looks sad. Do you whip him? No, though the mere thought makes my mouth water. +No, though the mere thought makes my mouth water. The day will come when you will be free. Go to bed, little father. We want to be alone. +Well, may I offer you a drink, or how about something to eat? Thank you. I've had all the calories necessary for today. +What do we do now? We take off our hat and coat. We sit down -- we make ourselves comfortable. We adjust ourselves to the prospect of a most enjoyable evening. We look at each other. We smile. Well... we don't smile. How about some music? +We take off our hat and coat. We sit down -- we make ourselves comfortable. We adjust ourselves to the prospect of a most enjoyable evening. We look at each other. We smile. Well... we don't smile. How about some music? Is that customary? +Is that customary? It helps. It has ever since King David wooed Bathsheba with the harp. As I am not so fortunate as to have my harp at hand, I shall turn on the radio. +It helps. It has ever since King David wooed Bathsheba with the harp. As I am not so fortunate as to have my harp at hand, I shall turn on the radio. I should say this room is eighteen by twenty-five. +I should say this room is eighteen by twenty-five. Not too big and not too small. What I'd call the typical room of an average man. Or shall we say a little above average. Now if there are any special aspects you wish to study I have nothing to conceal. Just look around. That's my desk. Those are my books, and here am I. Where shall we begin? +Not too big and not too small. What I'd call the typical room of an average man. Or shall we say a little above average. Now if there are any special aspects you wish to study I have nothing to conceal. Just look around. That's my desk. Those are my books, and here am I. Where shall we begin? I will start with you. +I will start with you. That's great. I'm thirty-five years old. Just over six feet tall. I weigh a hundred and eighty-two pounds stripped. +That's great. I'm thirty-five years old. Just over six feet tall. I weigh a hundred and eighty-two pounds stripped. And what is your profession? +And what is your profession? Keeping my body fit, keeping my mind alert, keeping my landlord appeased. That's a full-time job. +Keeping my body fit, keeping my mind alert, keeping my landlord appeased. That's a full-time job. And what do you do for mankind? +And what do you do for mankind? For mankind not a thing -- for womankind the record is not quite so bleak. +For mankind not a thing -- for womankind the record is not quite so bleak. You are something we do not have in Russia. +You are something we do not have in Russia. Thank you. Thank you. +Thank you. Thank you. That is why I believe in the future of my country. +That is why I believe in the future of my country. I begin to believe in it myself since I've met you. I still don't know what to make of it. It confuses me, it frightens me a little, but it fascinates me, Ninotchka. +I begin to believe in it myself since I've met you. I still don't know what to make of it. It confuses me, it frightens me a little, but it fascinates me, Ninotchka. You pronounce it incorrectly. Ni- notchka. +You pronounce it incorrectly. Ni- notchka. Ni-notchka. +Ni-notchka. That is correct. +That is correct. Ninotchka, do you like me just a little bit? +Ninotchka, do you like me just a little bit? Your general appearance is not distasteful. +Your general appearance is not distasteful. Thank you. +Thank you. Look at me. The whites of your eyes are clear. Your cornea is excellent. +Look at me. The whites of your eyes are clear. Your cornea is excellent. Your cornea is terrific. Tell me -- you're so expert on things -- can it be that I'm falling in love with you? +Your cornea is terrific. Tell me -- you're so expert on things -- can it be that I'm falling in love with you? You are bringing in wrong values. Love is a romantic designation for a most ordinary biological, or shall we say chemical, process. A lot of nonsense is talked and written about it. +You are bringing in wrong values. Love is a romantic designation for a most ordinary biological, or shall we say chemical, process. A lot of nonsense is talked and written about it. Oh, I see. What do you use instead? +Oh, I see. What do you use instead? I acknowledge the existence of a natural impulse common to all. +I acknowledge the existence of a natural impulse common to all. What can I possibly do to encourage such an impulse in you? +What can I possibly do to encourage such an impulse in you? You don't have to do a thing. Chemically we are already quite sympathetic. +You don't have to do a thing. Chemically we are already quite sympathetic. You're the most improbable creature I've ever met in my life, Ninotchka, Ninotchka... +You're the most improbable creature I've ever met in my life, Ninotchka, Ninotchka... You repeat yourself. +You repeat yourself. I'd like to say it a thousand times. +I'd like to say it a thousand times. Don't do it, please. +Don't do it, please. I'm at a loss, Ninotchka. You must forgive me if I appear a little old- fashioned. After all, I'm just a poor bourgeois. +I'm at a loss, Ninotchka. You must forgive me if I appear a little old- fashioned. After all, I'm just a poor bourgeois. It's never too late to change. I used to belong to the petty bourgeoisie myself. My father and mother wanted me to stay and work on the farm, but I preferred the bayonet. +It's never too late to change. I used to belong to the petty bourgeoisie myself. My father and mother wanted me to stay and work on the farm, but I preferred the bayonet. The bayonet? Did you really? +The bayonet? Did you really? I was wounded before Warsaw. +I was wounded before Warsaw. Wounded? How? +Wounded? How? I was a sergeant in the Third Cavalry Brigade. Would you like to see my wound? +I was a sergeant in the Third Cavalry Brigade. Would you like to see my wound? I'd love to. Tsk, tsk, tsk. +I'd love to. Tsk, tsk, tsk. A Polish lancer. I was sixteen. +A Polish lancer. I was sixteen. Poor Ninotchka. Poor, poor Ninotchka. +Poor Ninotchka. Poor, poor Ninotchka. Don't pity me. Pity the Polish lancer. After all, I'm alive. +What kind of a girl are you, anyway? Just what you see. A tiny cog in the great wheel of evolution. +Just what you see. A tiny cog in the great wheel of evolution. You're the most adorable cog I ever saw in my life. Ninotchka, Cogitska, let me confess something. Never did I dream I could feel like this toward a sergeant. +Do you hear that? It's twelve o'clock. +It's twelve o'clock. It's midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half. Look at the clock. One hand has met the other hand. They kiss. Isn't that wonderful? +It's midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half. Look at the clock. One hand has met the other hand. They kiss. Isn't that wonderful? That's the way a clock works. There's nothing wonderful about it. You merely feel you must put yourself in a romantic mood to add to your exhilaration. +That's the way a clock works. There's nothing wonderful about it. You merely feel you must put yourself in a romantic mood to add to your exhilaration. I can't possibly think of a better reason. +I can't possibly think of a better reason. It's false sentimentality. +It's false sentimentality. You analyze everything out of existence. You analyze me out of existence. I won't let you. Love is not so simple. Ninotchka, Ninotchka, why do doves bill and coo? Why do snails, coldest of all creatures, circle interminably around each other? Why do moths fly hundreds of miles to find their mates? Why do flowers open their petals? Oh, Ninotchka, Ninotchka, surely you feel some slight symptom of the divine passion... a general warmth in the palms of your hands... a strange heaviness in your limbs... a burning of the lips that is not thirst but a thousand times more tantalizing, more exalting, than thirst? +Was that talkative? No, that was restful. Again. +Thank you. Oh, my barbaric Ninotchka. My impossible, unromantic, statistical... +Glorious, analytical... The telephone is ringing. +The telephone is ringing. Oh, let it ring. +Oh, let it ring. But one of your friends may be in need of you. You must answer. +I must go. Ninotchka, or shall I say Special Envoy Yakushova... +Ninotchka, or shall I say Special Envoy Yakushova... Let's forget that we ever met. +Let's forget that we ever met. I have a better suggestion. Let's forget that the telephone ever rang. I never heard that you are Yakushova... you are Ninotchka... my Ninotchka... +I have a better suggestion. Let's forget that the telephone ever rang. I never heard that you are Yakushova... you are Ninotchka... my Ninotchka... I was sent here by my country to fight you. +I was sent here by my country to fight you. All right, fight me, fight me as much as you want, but fight me tomorrow morning! There's nothing sweeter than sharing a secret with a bitter enemy. +All right, fight me, fight me as much as you want, but fight me tomorrow morning! There's nothing sweeter than sharing a secret with a bitter enemy. As a representative of Moscow... +As a representative of Moscow... Tonight let's not represent anybody but ourselves. +Tonight let's not represent anybody but ourselves. It is out of the question. If you wish to approach me... +It is out of the question. If you wish to approach me... You know I want to... +You know I want to... Then do it through my lawyer! +Then do it through my lawyer! Ninotchka, you can't walk out like this... I'm crazy about you, and I thought I'd made an impression on you. You liked the white of my eye. +But, Ninotchka, I held you in my arms. You kissed me! I kissed the Polish lancer too... before he died. +Room service speaking. Send me a plate of raw carrots and beets, beets predominating on a ratio of sixty-forty... What? There is a strike in the kitchen? Good! Will you assure the strikers of my hearty sympathy in their cause. I hope they will not weaken in their demands and tell them to put no dressing whatsoever on my vegetables... What? You won't serve me either? Now look here, Comrade, I think it is a fine idea to let the capitalists go without luncheon but when you keep food away from me you're weakening the people. +Send me a plate of raw carrots and beets, beets predominating on a ratio of sixty-forty... What? There is a strike in the kitchen? Good! Will you assure the strikers of my hearty sympathy in their cause. I hope they will not weaken in their demands and tell them to put no dressing whatsoever on my vegetables... What? You won't serve me either? Now look here, Comrade, I think it is a fine idea to let the capitalists go without luncheon but when you keep food away from me you're weakening the people. So! You want to make a strike breaker out of me! I am surprised at you, Comrade! Is it too much for the workers of the world to ask you to walk around the corner for lunch? All I can say to you is take your hammer and sickle and get out of that Royal Suite! +Pardon me for addressing you but you insulted him, you know that. You hurt his feelings. It was just like telling a musician you don't like music. That good old man believes in food as you believe in Karl Marx. You can't go around hurting people, Comrade Yakushova, but maybe you can make it up to him. Do you know how? By eating everything with relish, by drinking everything with gusto, by having a good time for the first time in your natural life! I don't like your following me. +I don't like your following me. I didn't follow you. +I didn't follow you. Then how did you get here? +Then how did you get here? I always eat here. +I always eat here. This is a place for workmen. +This is a place for workmen. But my dear child, I am most at home among working men. I hate the places where you circulate -- the Hotel Clarence... This is my natural element. After all, what are any of us? Workingmen! At least, those of us who are worth our salt. Hyah? +Just an old man. His memory is getting weak. What are you after? +What are you after? Must one always be after something? +Must one always be after something? Your tactics are useless. My name is neither Buljanoff, Iranoff, nor Kopalski. +Your tactics are useless. My name is neither Buljanoff, Iranoff, nor Kopalski. Oh, Ninotchka, who wants to talk business. If you win the suit, fine. If we win the suit, better. You do me an injustice. When we went to my apartment did I have the slightest idea that you had any connection with this deal? +Oh, Ninotchka, who wants to talk business. If you win the suit, fine. If we win the suit, better. You do me an injustice. When we went to my apartment did I have the slightest idea that you had any connection with this deal? But you have now, and I know now that you are a man who employs business methods which in Russia would be punished by death. +But you have now, and I know now that you are a man who employs business methods which in Russia would be punished by death. Death! Death! Always so glum! What about life, Ninotchka! Do Russians never think of life? Of the moment in which we are living? The only moment we really have? Don't take it all so seriously, Ninotchka. Nothing is worth it. Please... relax... I beg you, Sergeant... smile! +Death! Death! Always so glum! What about life, Ninotchka! Do Russians never think of life? Of the moment in which we are living? The only moment we really have? Don't take it all so seriously, Ninotchka. Nothing is worth it. Please... relax... I beg you, Sergeant... smile! What? +What? Will you smile? +Will you smile? Why? +Why? Just smile. +Just smile. At what? +At what? At anything. At the whole ludicrous spectacle of life. At people being pompous and taking themselves seriously and exaggerating their own importance. If you can't find anything else to laugh at you can laugh at you and me. +At anything. At the whole ludicrous spectacle of life. At people being pompous and taking themselves seriously and exaggerating their own importance. If you can't find anything else to laugh at you can laugh at you and me. Why? +Why? Because we are an odd couple. +Because we are an odd couple. Then you should go back to your table. +Then you should go back to your table. No, I can't leave you. I won't. Not yet. Not until I've made you laugh... at least once. +Ha! Ha! Now go back. That's not a laugh! I mean a laugh from the heart. Now let's see. I'm going to tell you a funny story. Just a moment... I've got it! Well, it seems there were a couple of Frenchmen who went to America... +That's not a laugh! I mean a laugh from the heart. Now let's see. I'm going to tell you a funny story. Just a moment... I've got it! Well, it seems there were a couple of Frenchmen who went to America... On which boat? +On which boat? Well, er... let's drop it. I don't think you would care for that one. +Well, er... let's drop it. I don't think you would care for that one. Probably not. +Probably not. Do you like Scotch stories? +Do you like Scotch stories? I have never heard one. +I have never heard one. "Two Scotchmen met on the street... and I don't know the name of the street and it really doesn't matter. Well, anyway, one's name was McIntosh and the other's was McGillicuddy. McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, ""Hello, Mr. McGillicuddy,"" and McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, ""Hello, Mr. McIntosh,"" and then McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, ""How is Mrs. McGillicuddy?"" and then McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, ""How is Mrs. McIntosh?""..." +"Two Scotchmen met on the street... and I don't know the name of the street and it really doesn't matter. Well, anyway, one's name was McIntosh and the other's was McGillicuddy. McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, ""Hello, Mr. McGillicuddy,"" and McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, ""Hello, Mr. McIntosh,"" and then McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, ""How is Mrs. McGillicuddy?"" and then McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, ""How is Mrs. McIntosh?""..." I wish they had never met. +I wish they had never met. "So do I. Now, here's a great one... Ha! Ha! Ha! Well, maybe it's not so good. Let's forget it! How's this? Two men are looking at the moon. One says to the other, ""Is it true that a lot of people live on the moon?"" ""Yes, it is,"" says the other, ""five hundred million."" ""Whew!"" replies the first, ""they must get pretty crowded when it's half moon!"" Ha! Ha! Ha!" +I suppose you don't think that's funny? No. +No. It seemed funny to me when I first heard it. Maybe the trouble isn't with the joke. Maybe it's with you! +It seemed funny to me when I first heard it. Maybe the trouble isn't with the joke. Maybe it's with you! I don't think so. +I don't think so. Maybe you haven't any sense of humor. Well, I'll give you one more chance! Now listen! +Not funny, huh? No. +No. So you don't think that's funny? It is funny! Everyone else thinks so! Maybe you didn't get it. +I'll tell you that joke again. A man comes into a restaurant. Did you get that? Yes. +Yes. He sits down at the table and says to the waiter... Did you get that too? +He sits down at the table and says to the waiter... Did you get that too? Yes. +Yes. "Well, so far it isn't funny, but wait. He says to the waiter, ""Waiter! Bring me a cup of coffee."" So the waiter comes back five minutes later and says, ""I'm sorry, sir, we have no coffee.""... Wait a minute... wait a minute... I'm all mixed up... A man comes in a restaurant, he sits down, he calls the waiter and he says, ""Waiter! Get me a cup of coffee without cream,"" and five minutes later the waiter comes back and says, ""I'm sorry, sir, we have no cream, can it be a glass of milk!""" +I don't look too foolish? "Foolish? If this dress were to walk down the boulevard all by itself I would follow it from one end of Paris to the other, and when I caught up with it I would say, ""Just a moment, you charming little dress, I want you to meet Ninotchka... you two were meant for each other."" Ninotchka feels more comfortable." +You remember this room? "I've never been here before. I wonder whom you're thinking of. Oh, I know, a girl with a map, figuring out each step, worrying about north and south. Today... now this might shock you... I went up to a taxi and said ""Eight Rue du Bois""... and here I am." +"I've never been here before. I wonder whom you're thinking of. Oh, I know, a girl with a map, figuring out each step, worrying about north and south. Today... now this might shock you... I went up to a taxi and said ""Eight Rue du Bois""... and here I am." You see? Life can be so simple. +You see? Life can be so simple. For twelve francs, seventy-five. +For twelve francs, seventy-five. Twelve seventy-five from the Clarence? The son-of-a-gun made a detour!... But he got you here. +It's nine o'clock. "That's when one half of Paris says to the other half, ""What are your plans for this evening, madame?""" +"That's when one half of Paris says to the other half, ""What are your plans for this evening, madame?""" Well, first I should like to take off my hat and jacket. Then could we have some music? +Well, first I should like to take off my hat and jacket. Then could we have some music? A wonderful idea! Radio or records? +A wonderful idea! Radio or records? Not radio. Let's have music that's just for ourselves. +You see I couldn't shout that. Leon, you know the jokes you told me a few days ago? I wake up in the middle of the night and laugh at them. Now, Leon that's wrong. I know they're not funny, they're silly. They're stupid. And still... I laugh... and when I look at Buljanoff and Iranoff and Kopalski I know they are scoundrels and I should hate them -- then I realize who made them like that, and instead of sending my report to Moscow I tear it up and go down and buy a ridiculous hat... and if this keeps on... am I too talkative? +Leon, you know the jokes you told me a few days ago? I wake up in the middle of the night and laugh at them. Now, Leon that's wrong. I know they're not funny, they're silly. They're stupid. And still... I laugh... and when I look at Buljanoff and Iranoff and Kopalski I know they are scoundrels and I should hate them -- then I realize who made them like that, and instead of sending my report to Moscow I tear it up and go down and buy a ridiculous hat... and if this keeps on... am I too talkative? No... go on. +No... go on. Leon, I want to tell you something which I thought I never would say, which I thought nobody ever should say, because I thought it didn't exist... and, Leon... I can't say it... +Leon, I would like to ask you something. Anything, Ninotchka. +Anything, Ninotchka. If you don't want to answer, you needn't. But if you do, you must tell me the truth. +If you don't want to answer, you needn't. But if you do, you must tell me the truth. I promise... I swear. +I promise... I swear. Did you make any change in this room? +Did you make any change in this room? I don't think so. +I don't think so. When I was here before I noticed a photograph of a woman on the desk in a wide silver frame. I thought what a waste of silver. That's all that interested me then. Now I would like to know... what happened to the woman? +She is very attractive. She has great elegance. She's what you call a woman of the world, isn't she? Ninotchka, I love you. +Ninotchka, I love you. I suppose she is very entertaining... It must be lots of fun to be with her, so witty, so glamorous... +I suppose she is very entertaining... It must be lots of fun to be with her, so witty, so glamorous... Ninotchka, you're jealous. +Leon, don't ever ask me for a picture of myself... I couldn't bear the thought of being shut up in a drawer... I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stand it. My darling. +I wouldn't know. The closest I ever came to champagne was in a newsreel. The wife of some president was throwing it at a battleship. It's always good luck to launch something with champagne; a battleship... or an evening. +It's funny to look back. I was brought up on goat's milk, I had a ration of vodka in the army, and now champagne. From goats to grapes. That's drinking in the right direction. +From what I read I thought champagne was a strong drink. It's very delicate. Do people ever get drunk on this? There have been cases... but the headache the next morning is worth while -- if you drink it with the right toast. To us, Ninotchka! +How do you do? And General Savitzky. +Quickly, please... tell me one of your funny stories. A funny story? +A funny story? You never finished the one about the two Scotchmen with the names. +You never finished the one about the two Scotchmen with the names. Well, there were two Scotchmen. One was named McIntosh and one was named McGillicuddy. They met on the street. +Go on. No, darling. I'll tell you another story, a much better one. The only thing that will be over on Thursday is the lawsuit. There will be no Thursday for us. Not next week or any week. We won't let it happen. I'll tear it out of the calendar. Is that a good story? +No, darling. I'll tell you another story, a much better one. The only thing that will be over on Thursday is the lawsuit. There will be no Thursday for us. Not next week or any week. We won't let it happen. I'll tear it out of the calendar. Is that a good story? Wonderful -- if one could believe it. +Wonderful -- if one could believe it. You must, darling. +You must, darling. To the loveliest story I ever heard. +Oo! Darling! Something is the matter. You just made that trip from goats to grapes a little too fast. +You just made that trip from goats to grapes a little too fast. Oh, everything is so wonderful! It's getting farther and farther away! +Oh, everything is so wonderful! It's getting farther and farther away! What, darling? +What, darling? Thursday. +Thursday. Yes. Don't worry. Everything will be all right. +Comrades! Comrades! Darling, darling... please! +Darling, darling... please! I must talk to my brothers! +I must talk to my brothers! Shhh! Shhh! +Shhh! Shhh! Don't shush me. I am People! I want to make a speech. I want to overthrow the Duchess! +But, darling, you can't do that. Comrades! Good people of France! +Comrades! Good people of France! Now, Ninotchka... please! +Now, Ninotchka... please! They are all Duchesses here... thousands of Duchesses... and I am going to tell them. +Quite right... yes, yes, yes, but first you're going in that door and you're going to take a little spirits of ammonia and lie down. No speech? +No speech? No speech. +No speech. I love you, my little Leonitchka! +I love you, my little Leonitchka! And I adore you, Ninotchua. +Don't tell them where we're going, sweetheart. No. Nobody will find us. +Are we going to build our little house? Yes... a little white house. +Yes... a little white house. Not white, darling. +Not white, darling. All right, we'll make it red. +All right, we'll make it red. No, don't let's have it any color... no color... just a house house... let's form our own party. +No, don't let's have it any color... no color... just a house house... let's form our own party. Right: Lovers of the world unite! +Right: Lovers of the world unite! And we won't stretch up our arms... +And we won't stretch up our arms... No! No! +No! No! ...and we won't clench our fist... +...and we won't clench our fist... No! No! +No! No! Our salute will be a kiss. +Our salute will be a kiss. Yes... a kiss... salute! +I am so happy. No one can be so happy without being punished. I will be punished and I should be punished. I want to confess, darling. I know... it's the Russian soul. +I know... it's the Russian soul. Everyone wants to confess and if they don't confess they make them confess. I am a traitor. When I kissed you I betrayed the Russian ideal. Leon, I should be stood up against the wall. +Would that make you any happier? Much happier. +Much happier. All right. +I have paid the penalty. Now let's have some music. Let's turn on the radio. +Let's turn on the radio. Radio! What is radio? +Radio! What is radio? It's a little box that you buy on the installment plan and before you tune it in they tell you they have a new model. +It's a little box that you buy on the installment plan and before you tune it in they tell you they have a new model. Oh yes, yes. It has a little knob that turns... a little knob... it must be somewhere around here... yes... here... I see... +What shall we get? The news! No, no news. We don't want to know what's happening in the world. We want to be left alone, don't we? +No, no news. We don't want to know what's happening in the world. We want to be left alone, don't we? Yes, sweetheart... all by ourselves. +Yes, sweetheart... all by ourselves. Well, then we turn twice to the right and stop at seven... +It's dead. Well, it has to warm up... you have to give it a chance... just like people... like you and me... first you wanted to fight me and now we belong to the same party... salute! +No music. No, no music. +There it is... Thursday... you can't rip it out of the week.... But I can throw it out of the window. +But I can throw it out of the window. It wouldn't be fair to the man in the street. There they are... they are terrible things, those jewels.... +It wouldn't be fair to the man in the street. There they are... they are terrible things, those jewels.... ...but big. +...but big. ...they are the tears of Old Russia... see that stone? +...they are the tears of Old Russia... see that stone? Who cried that one? +Who cried that one? Czar Peter gave it to his wife, Catherine the Great. For it he sold ten thousand serfs in the market. +Czar Peter gave it to his wife, Catherine the Great. For it he sold ten thousand serfs in the market. "Now, darling, don't get impatient, wait until we are married. You know that worthless butler of mine... that reactionary? Some day when I come home to you I may say, ""Darling, I drove Gaston to the market and look what I got from him!""" +Come, sweetheart. Let me put it on you. You will teach these jewels. For the first time they will learn how they can look. They belong to the people. +They belong to the people. I give them back to the people... I make you Ninotchka the Great... Duchess of the People!... Grand Duchess of the People! +Is this the wish of the masses? It is their wish. +It is their wish. Thank you, Leon... thank you, masses. Can I make a speech now? +Thank you, Leon... thank you, masses. Can I make a speech now? Please. +Comrades! People of the world! The revolution is on the march... I know... wars will wash over us... bombs will fall... all civilization will crumble... but not yet, please... wait, wait... what's the hurry? Let us be happy... give us our moment.... We are happy, aren't we, Leon? Yes, sweetheart. +Yes, sweetheart. So happy and so tired. +They wouldn't let me in so I had to get you out. So -- you're behind all this. I should have known. +Trying to keep me away from you! It couldn't be done. Naturally I couldn't go on forever punching passport officials in the nose -- but I found a way, didn't I? Darling, I had to see you. I wrote and wrote but all my letters came back. "The one I got they wouldn't let me read. It began, ""Ninotchka, my darling,"" and ended, ""Yours, Leon.""" +"The one I got they wouldn't let me read. It began, ""Ninotchka, my darling,"" and ended, ""Yours, Leon.""" I won't tell you what came between... I'll prove it. It will take a long time, Ninotchka... at least a lifetime. +But, Leon, I am only here for a few days. If you don't stay with me, I'll have to continue my fight. I'll travel wherever Russian commissions are. I'll turn them all into Buljanoffs, Iranoffs, and Kopalskis. The world will be crowded with Russian restaurants. I'll depopulate Russia. Once you saved your country by going back. This time you can save it by staying here. +If you don't stay with me, I'll have to continue my fight. I'll travel wherever Russian commissions are. I'll turn them all into Buljanoffs, Iranoffs, and Kopalskis. The world will be crowded with Russian restaurants. I'll depopulate Russia. Once you saved your country by going back. This time you can save it by staying here. Well, when it is a choice between my personal interest and the good of my country, how can I waver? No one shall say Ninotchka was a bad Russian. +Hello, Leon! Good morning, Swana. +It's really a wretched morning... wretched. I can't get myself right. I wanted to look mellow and I look brittle. My face doesn't compose well... all highlights... how can I dim myself down, Leon? Suggest something. I am so bored with this face. I wish I had someone else's face. Whose face would you have if you had your choice? Oh, well, I guess one gets the face one deserves. Your conversation has one marvelous advantage, Swana. However many questions you ask you never expect an answer. +Your conversation has one marvelous advantage, Swana. However many questions you ask you never expect an answer. Don't you find that restful?... Why didn't you come last night? +Don't you find that restful?... Why didn't you come last night? Darling, I was busy looking out for your interests. +Darling, I was busy looking out for your interests. Did you win? +Did you win? We can forget horse racing, roulette, the stock market... our worries are over! You remember that platinum watch with the diamond numbers? You will be in a position to give it to me. +We can forget horse racing, roulette, the stock market... our worries are over! You remember that platinum watch with the diamond numbers? You will be in a position to give it to me. Oh, Leon, you are so good to me. +Oh, Leon, you are so good to me. We can be rich if you say the word. I had dinner with the Guizots last night. +We can be rich if you say the word. I had dinner with the Guizots last night. Those newspaper people? +Those newspaper people? You'd be surprised how many nice people dine with the Guizots. +You'd be surprised how many nice people dine with the Guizots. What a gruesome proof of the power of the press! +What a gruesome proof of the power of the press! "Now listen, Swana... I sold Monsieur Guizot the idea of publishing your memoirs in the Gazette Parisienne. ""The Life and Loves of the Grand Duchess Swana of Russia""!" +"Now listen, Swana... I sold Monsieur Guizot the idea of publishing your memoirs in the Gazette Parisienne. ""The Life and Loves of the Grand Duchess Swana of Russia""!" Oh, Leon! +Oh, Leon! Sweetheart, we won't have to bother about our future if you are willing to raffle off your past! +Sweetheart, we won't have to bother about our future if you are willing to raffle off your past! Was it for this that I refused to endorse Dr. Bertrand's Mouthwash? I could have made a little fortune by saying that the Vincent Vacuum Cleaner was the only vacuum cleaner ever used by the Romanoffs... and now you want them to smear my life's secrets over the front page of a tabloid? +Was it for this that I refused to endorse Dr. Bertrand's Mouthwash? I could have made a little fortune by saying that the Vincent Vacuum Cleaner was the only vacuum cleaner ever used by the Romanoffs... and now you want them to smear my life's secrets over the front page of a tabloid? I understand how you feel, but there is a limit to everything, particularly pride and dignity. They are willing to pay any price! They have a circulation of two million! +I understand how you feel, but there is a limit to everything, particularly pride and dignity. They are willing to pay any price! They have a circulation of two million! Imagine two million clerks and shop girls peeking into my life for a sou! Think of my lovely life being wrapped around cheese and blood sausages! I can see a big grease spot in the midst of my most intimate moments! +My little Volga boatman! Stop threatening! I don't deserve this. Are you my little Volga boatman? Now, Swana... +Now, Swana... First tell me, are you my little Volga boatman? +First tell me, are you my little Volga boatman? Yes, I'm your little Volga boatman. +Yes, I'm your little Volga boatman. "Well... two million readers... I know exactly what they want. Chapter One: ""A Childhood behind Golden Bars. Lovely Little Princess Plays with Rasputin's Beard.""" +"I've got one chapter Guizot thinks is terrific. ""Caviar and Blood."" Swana escapes over the ice!" A couple of bloodhounds and we have Uncle Tom's Cabin. +A couple of bloodhounds and we have Uncle Tom's Cabin. Darling, this would be wonderful! Just once... weren't you attacked by a Bolshevik? +Darling, this would be wonderful! Just once... weren't you attacked by a Bolshevik? Was I? No... not by a Bolshevik! +Was I? No... not by a Bolshevik! Too bad! Brings our price down ten thousand francs! +He's a waiter at the Clarence, poor devil. You know him. Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. Tell him I won't be able to see him for a half an hour. +Did I hear something about jewels? Rakonin, bless him, has given me the most amazing news! +This is the Duchess Swana... I want to speak to Monsieur Cornillon... it's very important... please get him right away... Hello, Monsieur Cornillon? The most incredible thing has happened! My jewels are here in Paris! Three Bolshevik swine are trying to sell them! Yes... yes... we must act immediately!... Call the police... Have them arrested!... Well, then, get an injunction!... But do something, Monsieur Cornillon! ...But they are my jewels! There must be some way of getting them back! What does he say? +What does he say? Shhh! ...But how can there be a question?... Are you my lawyer or theirs?... All right, I'll let you know! +What did he say? It looks pretty hopeless... there may be a chance... that's all... The French Government has recognized Soviet Russia and he doubts that they will risk a war for my poor sake. He might be able to make up some kind of a case but it would cost money, money, money!... That's all they are interested in -- those lawyers! +It looks pretty hopeless... there may be a chance... that's all... The French Government has recognized Soviet Russia and he doubts that they will risk a war for my poor sake. He might be able to make up some kind of a case but it would cost money, money, money!... That's all they are interested in -- those lawyers! Darling, calm down. Why do you need a lawyer? Haven't you your little Volga boatman? +Leon! What in heaven's name...! Huh? +Huh? Is anything wrong? Are you ill? +Is anything wrong? Are you ill? No. +No. Don't tell me the bed has lost its best friend. +Don't tell me the bed has lost its best friend. I just couldn't sleep. I got up and went back... and then got up again. These last few days... whew! +I just couldn't sleep. I got up and went back... and then got up again. These last few days... whew! Darling, you're taking my business affairs far too seriously. Much as I'd love to rob the Bolsheviks of their filthy money, I won't do it at the expense of your health. Particularly as we know we won't get much. You look so pale... pale but interesting. +Make it ice cold. Not in your condition. Make it tepid, Gaston... tepid and tender. And lay out his gray suit. Afterwards I'll drive you through the Bois. Slowly... in Waltz time. +Now... here we have two very handsome soft-boiled eggs. Do you suppose hens mind what happens to their eggs? Probably not. They have such unfeeling eyes. We'll put in a great nugget of butter, plenty of pepper and salt... Darling, I haven't seen you for three livelong days... seventy-two hours! Oh, please, Swana! I don't know whether I'm standing on my head or my heels. Here you are blaming me for neglecting you when I'm trying to concentrate on another woman and can't get near her. +Oh, please, Swana! I don't know whether I'm standing on my head or my heels. Here you are blaming me for neglecting you when I'm trying to concentrate on another woman and can't get near her. You haven't seen her yet? +You haven't seen her yet? No, and believe me I've tried everything! I must have telephoned her a hundred times. I've sent her telegrams, I've sent her flowers... I asked her to dinner... I offered her seats for the Opera... +No, and believe me I've tried everything! I must have telephoned her a hundred times. I've sent her telegrams, I've sent her flowers... I asked her to dinner... I offered her seats for the Opera... That proletarian! In the old days we'd have had her flogged. +That proletarian! In the old days we'd have had her flogged. That wouldn't have done any good. Not with her. She's the most incredible creature I've ever seen. +That wouldn't have done any good. Not with her. She's the most incredible creature I've ever seen. You just told me you hadn't seen her. +You just told me you hadn't seen her. Well... er... I caught a glimpse of her when she walked through the lobby. +Well... er... I caught a glimpse of her when she walked through the lobby. Imagine the carpets of a self- respecting Parisian hotel dirtied by the boots of a muzhik! What does she look like? +Imagine the carpets of a self- respecting Parisian hotel dirtied by the boots of a muzhik! What does she look like? You can't imagine. +You can't imagine. That bad? Old or young? +That bad? Old or young? Timeless. When she comes into a room you'd think that the Bolsheviks had taken over Paris. She wears her cheap miserable blouse as though it were the latest model by Schiaparelli. What a woman! What a woman! There is a Russian snowstorm in each of her eyes. +Timeless. When she comes into a room you'd think that the Bolsheviks had taken over Paris. She wears her cheap miserable blouse as though it were the latest model by Schiaparelli. What a woman! What a woman! There is a Russian snowstorm in each of her eyes. You saw all that in one glimpse? +You saw all that in one glimpse? Darling, if we're going to get anywhere someone has to keep his eyes open! +Darling, if we're going to get anywhere someone has to keep his eyes open! Now, darling, soak in your beautiful pine bath and let Gaston shave you. +Thank you. Is this your new dress suit? +Is this your new dress suit? Yes, Swana. +Yes, Swana. Didn't I tell you Benson and Benson were the tailors for you? +Didn't I tell you Benson and Benson were the tailors for you? Yes, Swana, you did. +Yes, Swana, you did. It's a dream of beauty. He never takes my word for anything, but I was right, wasn't I? +It's a dream of beauty. He never takes my word for anything, but I was right, wasn't I? Yes, Swana. +Yes, Swana. Am I interrupting? +Am I interrupting? Not at all. Your Highness, may I present Madame Yakushova? +Not at all. Your Highness, may I present Madame Yakushova? How do you do? +I've some wonderful news for you, Leon. It's about Punchy... do you mind if I sit down? No... please... +He won another blue ribbon and bit the judge. Ha! ha! ha! I bought him the cutest sweater as a reward. You should see him strut down the street in it. He looks like a little boulevardier. You see, Count d'Algout gave me Punchy for my birthday. You must have searched weeks before you found anything as divine as Punchy, didn't you, Leon? Months, Swana. +Months, Swana. Poor Madame Yakushova... here we are talking in mysteries.... I'm sure you wonder what it's all about. +There's a charming crowd here tonight, isn't there? I'm going, Leon... but before I leave I must compliment you on your gown, Madame Yakushova. Is that what they're wearing in Moscow this year? +Will you do me a favor? Stop talking about the good old days. A very wise suggestion, Leon. I'm afraid madame and I will never agree. The only thing we have in common is our lawsuit and that will be decided next week. I understand everything will be over by Thursday. Am I right? +Leon, darling, how nice! Have you ordered tea or a cocktail? No thanks, Swana. +No thanks, Swana. Did I act stupidly last night? Should I apologize? +Did I act stupidly last night? Should I apologize? I'm the one who should apologize. I should have talked to you before. +I'm the one who should apologize. I should have talked to you before. Is this, by any chance, going to be a confession? +Is this, by any chance, going to be a confession? Yes. +Yes. Oh, no, my little Volga boatman. Have you forgotten our First Commandment: Never Complain -- Never Explain. It has worked so often and so perfectly, don't let's break the rule. And please don't look so guilty, otherwise I'll... +Oh, no, my little Volga boatman. Have you forgotten our First Commandment: Never Complain -- Never Explain. It has worked so often and so perfectly, don't let's break the rule. And please don't look so guilty, otherwise I'll... This time, Swana -- just this once -- I must ask you to listen. +This time, Swana -- just this once -- I must ask you to listen. All right, I'll listen. +All right, I'll listen. I know you hate the obvious but do you mind if, at this moment, I'm not in the least subtle? +I know you hate the obvious but do you mind if, at this moment, I'm not in the least subtle? Brutal frankness, if you insist. +Brutal frankness, if you insist. There are a hundred ways to approach it, but I feel it can best be said in one simple phrase. I'm in love, Swana. +There are a hundred ways to approach it, but I feel it can best be said in one simple phrase. I'm in love, Swana. And I thought it was something serious! How could you frighten me so? +And I thought it was something serious! How could you frighten me so? It must be serious, Swana. Not long ago I'd have considered such a statement rather juvenile and rather middle class. Now I can say it without stammering, without a blush. I'm in love, Swana. +It must be serious, Swana. Not long ago I'd have considered such a statement rather juvenile and rather middle class. Now I can say it without stammering, without a blush. I'm in love, Swana. Say it over and over again, Leon. Words are a wonderful safety valve, and that's what you need -- because you know it's impossible, don't you? +Say it over and over again, Leon. Words are a wonderful safety valve, and that's what you need -- because you know it's impossible, don't you? I have to be simple again, Swana, and you may find it shockingly banal. I've thought it over and I'm willing to take all the consequences, even if it means a complete readjustment of my way of living. +I have to be simple again, Swana, and you may find it shockingly banal. I've thought it over and I'm willing to take all the consequences, even if it means a complete readjustment of my way of living. Leon! This has the ugly sound of regeneration. +Leon! This has the ugly sound of regeneration. I'm afraid that's what it is. +I'm afraid that's what it is. The same old trouble, Leon. You're always late. Whether you're taking me to the Opera or calling for me at a beauty shop, you're never on time. And now, when it's a question of your reform -- late again. By about five minutes. +The same old trouble, Leon. You're always late. Whether you're taking me to the Opera or calling for me at a beauty shop, you're never on time. And now, when it's a question of your reform -- late again. By about five minutes. What is this, Swana? +What is this, Swana? Knowing the efficiency of the French Air Service I think I can guarantee that Madame Yakushova has already taken off for Moscow. +Knowing the efficiency of the French Air Service I think I can guarantee that Madame Yakushova has already taken off for Moscow. Has done what? +Has done what? She's gone, Leon. +She's gone, Leon. Do you expect me to believe that? +Hello, Leon darling! Hello. +Hello. After our talk last night I took it for granted that you would drop in here this morning. Knowing how difficult it is to get into Soviet Russia, I thought I might be of some assistance to you. May I introduce myself? I am the Duchess Swana of Russia... another Russia. +Now, please, Swana. Count d'Algout was for several years my personal representative and if it is necessary to sign any affidavit for him I'll be delighted. +Count d'Algout was for several years my personal representative and if it is necessary to sign any affidavit for him I'll be delighted. That does it, Swana. Now you mustn't miss your appointment with your hair-dresser. +That does it, Swana. Now you mustn't miss your appointment with your hair-dresser. Just in case they don't give you your visa to Russia I want you to know that I have signed a contract for my memoirs and rented a lovely little château in the Touraine, and if you feel the need of a change... +Just in case they don't give you your visa to Russia I want you to know that I have signed a contract for my memoirs and rented a lovely little château in the Touraine, and if you feel the need of a change... Thank you, Swana. You are very gracious. +Not at all.... I understand perfectly, Count d'Algout gave you a dog. You made it very clear, madame. Dear me... I must be losing my finesse. If I'm not careful I'll be understood by everybody. +Isn't it amazing! One gets a wrong impression of the new Russia. It must be charming. I'm glad conditions are so improved. I assume this is what the factory workers wear at their dances? Exactly. You see, it would have been embarrassing for people of my sort to wear low-cut gowns in the old Russia. The lashes of the Cossacks across our backs were not very becoming, and you know how vain women are. +Exactly. You see, it would have been embarrassing for people of my sort to wear low-cut gowns in the old Russia. The lashes of the Cossacks across our backs were not very becoming, and you know how vain women are. You're absolutely right about the Cossacks. We made an unpardonable mistake when we let them use their knouts. They had such reliable guns. +You're right, madame, it will all be over by Thursday. It is unfortunate that you have so few more days in Paris. Be sure and redouble your efforts so that madame can take some pleasant memories when she returns to Moscow. Good night. Good night, Leon. +Good morning. What? +What? It is tomorrow morning... tomorrow noon, to be exact. I hope you will forgive me. I know it's extremely cruel to waken anyone at such an hour. Don't you recognize me? I am the Duchess Swana. +I think we can cut your visit short. Leon is not here. Of course not, my dear! I didn't come here with any such suspicion. How ridiculous! Nor did I come here to pick up his hat. +How stale last night's gaiety looks! It has the taste of a dead cigarette. If you were encouraged to come here by our meeting last night I am afraid you misunderstood my attitude. +If you were encouraged to come here by our meeting last night I am afraid you misunderstood my attitude. Don't worry, you were quite rude enough. Do you mind if I let in a little fresh air and sunshine? I'm sure it will make you feel better and I want you to be at your very best. In full possession of your faculties, at least. +Don't worry, you were quite rude enough. Do you mind if I let in a little fresh air and sunshine? I'm sure it will make you feel better and I want you to be at your very best. In full possession of your faculties, at least. Please come to the point. What is it you want? +Please come to the point. What is it you want? I just dropped in to have a little heart-to-heart talk with you. +I just dropped in to have a little heart-to-heart talk with you. We have nothing to discuss. +We have nothing to discuss. Now there you are completely wrong. If we sit down for a little chat, I'm sure we won't run out of conversation and what's more it won't be dull. +Now there you are completely wrong. If we sit down for a little chat, I'm sure we won't run out of conversation and what's more it won't be dull. "Madame, what is it you people always say, regardless of what you mean... ""I am delighted to have you here""? I have not reached that stage of civilization." +"Madame, what is it you people always say, regardless of what you mean... ""I am delighted to have you here""? I have not reached that stage of civilization." That's all right... I grow on people. +That's all right... I grow on people. I must ask you to leave. +I must ask you to leave. Leave? That's exactly what I came here to ask you to do. Leave! I don't mean this hotel and I don't mean Paris... I mean France. There's a plane for Moscow at five-forty. +Leave? That's exactly what I came here to ask you to do. Leave! I don't mean this hotel and I don't mean Paris... I mean France. There's a plane for Moscow at five-forty. Madame, if you... +Madame, if you... Don't worry. I have already made reservations. It's perfect flying weather. They assure me there's a fine tail wind which will sweep you back to Moscow in no time. +Don't worry. I have already made reservations. It's perfect flying weather. They assure me there's a fine tail wind which will sweep you back to Moscow in no time. If this is meant to be a joke it is not funny. Or do you still think you're issuing orders from your palace in Petrograd? +My palace in Petrograd... yes, you took that away from me. You took away my czar, my country, my people, everything I had... but nothing more -- I warn you. People cannot be taken away, madame, neither a hundred and sixty million nor one. Not if you have their love. You hadn't. That's why you're not in Russia any longer, and that's why you came here this morning. +People cannot be taken away, madame, neither a hundred and sixty million nor one. Not if you have their love. You hadn't. That's why you're not in Russia any longer, and that's why you came here this morning. Very interesting, my dear, but couldn't you write all that from Moscow? A dissertation on love on Soviet stationery -- would be an amusing paradox. +Very interesting, my dear, but couldn't you write all that from Moscow? A dissertation on love on Soviet stationery -- would be an amusing paradox. It is not enough to be witty, madame. People grow tired of being entertained. You made that mistake before. Problems were never solved by bowing from a balcony. +It is not enough to be witty, madame. People grow tired of being entertained. You made that mistake before. Problems were never solved by bowing from a balcony. My dear, you don't know how impressive I could be. Did you ever see me in my regalia with my diadem and all my jewels? +You can't deny we gave the people their money's worth -- almost -- eight tumbling Romanoffs -- eight! I must insist that you leave. +I must insist that you leave. Not before you agree to use those reservations to Moscow. +Not before you agree to use those reservations to Moscow. In that case I can only say good-by. +I wouldn't waken Leon. After last night I would say not before three o'clock at the earliest. I told you to go, madame. +I told you to go, madame. Believe me, Leon can't help you. He doesn't know anything about the jewels... I give you my word... I swear it. +Where are they? You were very careless with our precious jewels, my dear. They're too expensive a toy for two children to play with. +You were very careless with our precious jewels, my dear. They're too expensive a toy for two children to play with. Where are they? +Where are they? Don't worry. Fortunately last night a very trustworthy friend kept his eyes open. Perhaps he overstepped his function as a waiter but he fulfilled his duty as a Russian. I just put this on for sentiment. The rest are absolutely safe. I assure you. But if you feel like notifying the police... +Don't worry. Fortunately last night a very trustworthy friend kept his eyes open. Perhaps he overstepped his function as a waiter but he fulfilled his duty as a Russian. I just put this on for sentiment. The rest are absolutely safe. I assure you. But if you feel like notifying the police... You leave me no choice. +You leave me no choice. Won't it be rather embarrassing for a Soviet Envoy to disclose the circumstances under which she lost them? +Won't it be rather embarrassing for a Soviet Envoy to disclose the circumstances under which she lost them? I will have to face the consequences, but so will you. Don't forget they will ask how you got them. +I will have to face the consequences, but so will you. Don't forget they will ask how you got them. That's very simple to answer. They were given to me by my mother. They were given to her by her mother, in fact they're mine, you cannot steal what belongs to you! +They always belonged to the Russian people. They were paid for with their sweat, their blood, their lives and you will give them back! I told you we had plenty to talk about. Shall we sit down? +Now, let's free ourselves from emotionalism and try to solve the problem in a practical way. Our situation has changed considerably. Before I had only a claim to the jewels. Now I have the jewels. In other words moral ideas have no weight with you... all right, then let's deal with legal facts. You know that France has recognized the Soviet. +In other words moral ideas have no weight with you... all right, then let's deal with legal facts. You know that France has recognized the Soviet. Unfortunately. +Unfortunately. Under Soviet law the jewels belong to the State. France is going to uphold that ownership. +Under Soviet law the jewels belong to the State. France is going to uphold that ownership. My lawyer agrees with you. He says France will uphold it in every court, but I will drag you through every court, don't forget that. And when I say it will take two years I am, as always, conservative. +My lawyer agrees with you. He says France will uphold it in every court, but I will drag you through every court, don't forget that. And when I say it will take two years I am, as always, conservative. Won't those two years in court be expensive for you? I know that money was no object as long as you could squeeze it from the pockets of the people, but now... +Won't those two years in court be expensive for you? I know that money was no object as long as you could squeeze it from the pockets of the people, but now... I may run out of money, but you have already run out of bread. Two years is a long time for your comrades to wait. +I may run out of money, but you have already run out of bread. Two years is a long time for your comrades to wait. I see. You have calculated in terms of hunger. +I see. You have calculated in terms of hunger. No, I just wanted to be absolutely impartial. Both of us are faced with two rather uncomfortable years. We can condense these two years to two minutes if you want to accept my proposition. Ninotchka now realizes what she is after. +No, I just wanted to be absolutely impartial. Both of us are faced with two rather uncomfortable years. We can condense these two years to two minutes if you want to accept my proposition. Ninotchka now realizes what she is after. Go on. +Go on. I am willing to hand over the jewels and sign the necessary papers if you take that five-forty plane to Moscow. +I am willing to hand over the jewels and sign the necessary papers if you take that five-forty plane to Moscow. That's not the way to win him back... not Leon. +That's not the way to win him back... not Leon. I think I know Leon quite as well as you... possibly a little better. Leave that worry to me. Five-forty leaves you time enough to close the deal with Monsieur Mercier, but naturally you'll be too busy for any farewells. I'll see to it that everything is done in the most expeditious manner and I will also see you to the airport. That's my proposition, Comrade Yakushova. +Here, please... What do you want? +What do you want? May I have your bags, madame? +May I have your bags, madame? Why? +Well... that's my business, madame. That's no business... that's a social injustice. +That's no business... that's a social injustice. That depends on the tip. +Good morning, Comrade. Good morning, Comrade Commissar. Here is my report on the materials available for trading in the next four months. +Good morning, Comrade Commissar. Here is my report on the materials available for trading in the next four months. Does this include the products of the Far Eastern provinces? +Does this include the products of the Far Eastern provinces? Yes, it does. +Yes, it does. You mean you have finished the whole investigation? +You mean you have finished the whole investigation? Yes. +Yes. That's marvelous.... You must have worked day and night.... Don't you ever sleep? +That's marvelous.... You must have worked day and night.... Don't you ever sleep? I need very little sleep. We must be extremely careful what goods we take in exchange. I have already started a survey of our most urgent needs. +I need very little sleep. We must be extremely careful what goods we take in exchange. I have already started a survey of our most urgent needs. Well, Comrade, I am afraid you will have to turn over that work to someone else. +Well, Comrade, I am afraid you will have to turn over that work to someone else. May I ask why? +May I ask why? Please... sit down. +Cigarette? Thank you. +Thank you. Well, Comrade, have you heard from your friends Kopalski, Buljanoff, and Iranoff? +Well, Comrade, have you heard from your friends Kopalski, Buljanoff, and Iranoff? No. +No. I haven't either, but I've heard about them. You must realize it was only on the strength of your Paris report that I sent them to Constantinople; without that I never would have trusted them on a mission as important as the fur deal. +I haven't either, but I've heard about them. You must realize it was only on the strength of your Paris report that I sent them to Constantinople; without that I never would have trusted them on a mission as important as the fur deal. May I ask what has happened? +May I ask what has happened? "As soon as our representatives go to a foreign country they seem to lose all sense of balance. If I told you what's going on in Constantinople right now you wouldn't believe it. Those three have been sitting there for six weeks and haven't sold a piece of fur. This anonymous report was sent me. They are dragging the good name of our country through every café and night club. Here... ""How can the Bolshevik cause gain respect among the Moslems if your three representatives, Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski, get so drunk that they throw a carpet out of their hotel window and complain to the management that it didn't fly?""" +Oh, they shouldn't do such things. Are you sure this report is correct? It gives details which couldn't be invented. Naturally I want to verify it and that's why I need you. +It gives details which couldn't be invented. Naturally I want to verify it and that's why I need you. You want me to go to Constantinople? +You want me to go to Constantinople? Yes... leaving immediately. +Yes... leaving immediately. I appreciate the confidence you show in me, but I must ask you to entrust someone else with this mission. I should hate to interrupt my present work. I am positive that my survey is more important than finding out whether three of our comrades have been drinking some extra glasses of champagne. +I appreciate the confidence you show in me, but I must ask you to entrust someone else with this mission. I should hate to interrupt my present work. I am positive that my survey is more important than finding out whether three of our comrades have been drinking some extra glasses of champagne. That is for me to decide, Comrade Yakushova. +That is for me to decide, Comrade Yakushova. I am sorry, I don't want to overstep my position -- but please... don't send me. +I am sorry, I don't want to overstep my position -- but please... don't send me. I don't understand. +I don't understand. How can I make myself clear... It is difficult to express but I'd rather not go to foreign countries any more. Please, Comrade... let me stay here... let me finish my work... I am in the rhythm of it now... I don't want to go away. I don't want to be sent into that foreign atmosphere again. It throws one out of gear.... Let me finish my work... I have concentrated everything in it... Please... don't make me go. +How can I make myself clear... It is difficult to express but I'd rather not go to foreign countries any more. Please, Comrade... let me stay here... let me finish my work... I am in the rhythm of it now... I don't want to go away. I don't want to be sent into that foreign atmosphere again. It throws one out of gear.... Let me finish my work... I have concentrated everything in it... Please... don't make me go. Please don't waste my time, Comrade. Do your duty. Good-by. +Please don't waste my time, Comrade. Do your duty. Good-by. I will do my best. +This way, madame. Are you alone? By the window perhaps? Or a nice little corner table? This will do. +This will do. I think this is the first time you have been to my little place. Your face is new to me. Now, what shall it be? +I think this is the first time you have been to my little place. Your face is new to me. Now, what shall it be? Raw carrots and beets. +Raw carrots and beets. Oh, madame! This is a restaurant, not a meadow. +Bring me something simple. I never think about food. But, madame! If you don't think about food what do you think about? +But, madame! If you don't think about food what do you think about? The future of the common people. +The future of the common people. That also is a question of food, madame. I'll bring you a nice little lunch à la Père Mathieu. +Where to, madame? Can you recommend a restaurant? +Can you recommend a restaurant? Well, there's Pruniers if you care for seafood. If you want to lunch in the Bois, there's... +Well, there's Pruniers if you care for seafood. If you want to lunch in the Bois, there's... Where do you eat? +Where do you eat? At Père Mathieu's. +At Père Mathieu's. Where is that? +Where is that? It's just a place for workmen. +It's just a place for workmen. Where is it? +Where is it? Eight blocks down in the Rue de Poivrel. +Your Highness. How do you do, my friend. +How do you do, my friend. Your Highness, forgive this intrusion, but... +Your Highness, forgive this intrusion, but... What is it, Rakonin? Did you lose your job? +What is it, Rakonin? Did you lose your job? No, madame, something of the utmost importance... it concerns your jewels. +No, madame, something of the utmost importance... it concerns your jewels. My jewels?! +My jewels?! I remember one birthday of His Majesty, our beloved Czar... I had the honor of being on guard at the summer palace... I still see you bending before His Majesty... You wore your diadem and a necklace... your face seemed to be lighted by the jewels. +I remember one birthday of His Majesty, our beloved Czar... I had the honor of being on guard at the summer palace... I still see you bending before His Majesty... You wore your diadem and a necklace... your face seemed to be lighted by the jewels. Why do you bring this up after so many years? +Why do you bring this up after so many years? They are here!... Your jewels!... Here in Paris! +They are here!... Your jewels!... Here in Paris! Alexis! Do you know what you are saying? +Alexis! Do you know what you are saying? This morning three Soviet agents arrived. I overheard a telephone conversation with Mercier, the jeweler. Your Highness, they are going to sell them! +I am sorry... I have to leave. Thank you so much, my friend. I will get in touch with you. +Sir, the charges are serious -- first, abuse of power; second, obstruction of justice; third, failure to cooperate with Congress; and last, bombing Cambodia ... They can't impeach me for bombing Cambodia. The President can bomb anybody he wants. +Sir, if I may ... echo my concern ... Then tell Richardson to fire him. +You're lawyers. How can you let this shit go by! Look! This? Nixon can't say this. You did say it, sir. +You did say it, sir. Never. I never said that about Jews! +We could check the tape again, sir. You don't need to check the tape. I know what I said. +For Christ's sake, it soils my mother's memory. Do you think I want the whole goddamn world to see my mother like this? Raising a dirty mouth! But sir, we'll have to start over from the beginning. We don't have the staff to ... +Mr. President, I don't know what to say. As soon as we learned from the Secret Service you were en route, the Director was notified. He should be here any minute. Where the hell is he? +Where the hell is he? Uh, he's rushing back from his tennis game, sir ... +Uh, he's rushing back from his tennis game, sir ... So ... let's go ... +So ... let's go ... He told me to take you to his conference room. +He told me to take you to his conference room. No. His office. I want a very private conversation. I don't want to be bugged. +No. His office. I want a very private conversation. I don't want to be bugged. Then his office will be fine. +How's the job coming, Bob? Frankly, sir, it stinks. I have no access. I'm lucky Helms lets me have a staff. +Frankly, sir, it stinks. I have no access. I'm lucky Helms lets me have a staff. We'll see about that ... +We'll see about that ... He's nervous, sir. He's heard you're looking for a new director. +He's nervous, sir. He's heard you're looking for a new director. Well, he certainly isn't acting like it. +Well, he certainly isn't acting like it. "That's Helms. He's ""sang froid,"" a world-class poker player." +"That's Helms. He's ""sang froid,"" a world-class poker player." Yeah? Well, I own the fucking casino. +The bigger problem I see is this guy who was arrested, McCord -- James McCord -- he headed up security for the Committee to Re-Elect. He turns out to be ex-CIA. """Ex-CIA""? There's no such thing as ""ex-CIA,"" John -- they're all Ivy League Establishment. Is he one of these guys with a beef against us?" +So, what about those Watergate clowns, John? This fuck Sirica's crazy. Thirty-five-year sentences! There were no weapons. Right? No injuries. There was no success! It's just ridiculous. Sirica's just trying to force one of them to testify. But they're solid. +Sirica's just trying to force one of them to testify. But they're solid. Then what about this Washington Post crap? Woodwind and Fernstein? +Mr. President, Hunt wants more money. Another hundred-and-thirty thousand. Son of a bitch. +Son of a bitch. He says if he doesn't get it right away, he's going to blow us out of the water. And he means it. Ever since his wife died in the plane crash, he's been over the edge. +He says if he doesn't get it right away, he's going to blow us out of the water. And he means it. Ever since his wife died in the plane crash, he's been over the edge. Pay him. Pay him what he wants. +Executive clemency ... What? +What? Hunt has nothing to lose now. Pardon all of them. Nobody's going to investigate a crime for which the criminals have already been pardoned. +Hunt has nothing to lose now. Pardon all of them. Nobody's going to investigate a crime for which the criminals have already been pardoned. I like that. That's a solution. +Mitchell? Mitchell's ... family. Either it goes to Mitchell or it comes here. +How much do you need? Uh, I would say these people are going to cost a million dollars over the next two years ... +Uh, I would say these people are going to cost a million dollars over the next two years ... We could get that. +We could get that. Uh huh ... +Uh huh ... We could get a million dollars. We could get it in cash. I know where it could be gotten. +I'm still not confident we can ride through this. Some people are going to have to go to jail. Hunt's not the only problem. Haldeman let me use the $350,000 cash fund in his safe to make the payments. Ehrlichman had a role, a big role, in the Ellsberg break-in. And I'm ... uh, I think it's time we begin to think in terms of cutting our losses. You say, John, cut our losses and all the rest. But suppose the thing blows and they indict Bob and the others. Jesus, you'd never recover from that, John. It's better to fight it out instead, and not let people testify ... +You say, John, cut our losses and all the rest. But suppose the thing blows and they indict Bob and the others. Jesus, you'd never recover from that, John. It's better to fight it out instead, and not let people testify ... Sir, I still don't think, uh, we can contain it anymore. There's a cancer on the presidency. And it's growing. With every day that ... +Sir, I still don't think, uh, we can contain it anymore. There's a cancer on the presidency. And it's growing. With every day that ... Jesus, everything is a crisis among the upper intellectual types, the softheads. The average people don't think it's much of a crisis. For Christ's sake, it's not Vietnam ... no one's dying here. Isn't it ridiculous? +Jesus, everything is a crisis among the upper intellectual types, the softheads. The average people don't think it's much of a crisis. For Christ's sake, it's not Vietnam ... no one's dying here. Isn't it ridiculous? I agree it's ridiculous but -- +I agree it's ridiculous but -- "I mean, who the hell cares about this penny-ante shit. Goldwater put it right. He said: ""Well for Christ's sake, everybody bugs everybody else; we know that."" ... It's the cover-up, not the deed that's really bad here. If only Mitchell could step up and take the brunt of it; give them the hors d'oeuvre and maybe they won't come back for the main course. That's the tragedy of all this. Mitchell's going to get it in the neck anyway. It's time he assumed some responsibility." +He's right. Maybe it's time to go to the hang-out route, John. A full and thorough investigation ... We've cooperated with the FBI, we'll cooperate with the Senate. What do we have to hide? No, we have nothing to hide. +No, we have nothing to hide. We have nothing to hide. But the only flaw in the plan is that they're not going to believe the truth. That is the incredible thing! +You want me to put it all in writing? Over my signature? Nobody knows more about this thing than you do, John. +I'm not going to be the scapegoat for this. Haldeman and Ehrlichman are in just as deep as me. "John, you don't want to start down that road. I remember what Whittaker Chambers told me back in '48 -- and he was a man who suffered greatly -- he said, ""On the road of the informer, it's always night."" This is beyond you or even me. It's the country, John. It's the presidency." +"John, you don't want to start down that road. I remember what Whittaker Chambers told me back in '48 -- and he was a man who suffered greatly -- he said, ""On the road of the informer, it's always night."" This is beyond you or even me. It's the country, John. It's the presidency." I understand that, sir. +I understand that, sir. Good. You know how I feel about loyalty. I'm not going to let any of my people go to jail. That I promise you. The important thing is to keep this away from Haldeman and Ehrlichman. I'm trusting you to do that, John. I have complete confidence in you. +I was sorry to hear about your wife. Yes ... I got the money. +Yes ... I got the money. The President would like to know if that was the last payment. +The President would like to know if that was the last payment. I'll bet he would. +I'll bet he would. Is it? +Is it? In Richard Nixon's long history of underhanded dealings, he has never gotten better value for his money. If I were to open my mouth, all the dominoes would fall. +How the hell do you have the temerity to blackmail the President of the United States? That's not the question, John. The question is: Why is he paying? +That's not the question, John. The question is: Why is he paying? To protect his people. +To protect his people. I'm one of his people. The Cubans are his people. And we're going to jail for him. +I'm one of his people. The Cubans are his people. And we're going to jail for him. Howard, you'll serve no more than two years, then he'll pardon you. +Howard, you'll serve no more than two years, then he'll pardon you. John, sooner or later -- sooner, I think -- you are going to learn the lesson that has been learned by everyone who has ever gotten close to Richard Nixon. That he's the darkness reaching out for the darkness. And eventually, it's either you or him. Look at the landscape of his life and you'll see a boneyard. +It was her wrist. And it was through a plate-glass door. Anyway, they had to take her to Bellevue. Maybe she'll stay this time. +Let's not forget they're just kids, they don't vote. It's the fall of the Roman Empire, are you blind? And we're putting fig leaves on the statues ... +Yeah ... Sullivan thinks Henry's leaking. He's the one ... Yeah, I knew it. I knew it from '69 on, and I said it all along, didn't I ... +Who's gonna tell Mitchell? You do it. +You do it. Why me? +Why me? 'Cause he hates you. It's worse when you get it from someone you trust. +'Cause he hates you. It's worse when you get it from someone you trust. He's wrong, you know -- about Kennedy, LBJ, Truman. +He's wrong, you know -- about Kennedy, LBJ, Truman. How so? +How so? Sure, they did stuff, but nothing like this, Bob. Forget Watergate, the break-ins, the Enemies list. You got an attempted firebombing at the Brookings Institution, planting McGovern stuff on the guy that shot Wallace, trying to slip LSD to Jack Anderson. +Sure, they did stuff, but nothing like this, Bob. Forget Watergate, the break-ins, the Enemies list. You got an attempted firebombing at the Brookings Institution, planting McGovern stuff on the guy that shot Wallace, trying to slip LSD to Jack Anderson. "The ""Old Man"" plays politics harder than anybody else." +"The ""Old Man"" plays politics harder than anybody else." You think this is just about politics? +It's a code or something. I figured that out. +I figured that out. I think he means the Kennedy assassination. +I think he means the Kennedy assassination. Yeah? +Yeah? "They went after Castro. In some crazy way it got turned on Kennedy. I don't think the ""P"" knows what happened, but he's afraid to find out. It's got him shitting peach pits." +"They went after Castro. In some crazy way it got turned on Kennedy. I don't think the ""P"" knows what happened, but he's afraid to find out. It's got him shitting peach pits." Christ, we created Frankenstein with those fucking Cubans. +"Eight words back in '72 -- ""I covered up. I was wrong. I'm sorry"" -- and the American public would've forgiven him. But we never opened our mouths, John. We failed him." "Dick Nixon saying ""I'm sorry""? That'll be the day. The whole suit of armor'd fall off." +"Dick Nixon saying ""I'm sorry""? That'll be the day. The whole suit of armor'd fall off." So you tell Mitchell ... +Colson doesn't know about it; he's pure as a virgin on this one. It's just not clear the burglars knew what they were looking for. They were heading to McGovern's office later that night. Jesus! Did Mitchell know? +Jesus! Did Mitchell know? Mitchell's out of his mind now. Martha just put her head through a plate-glass window. +Mitchell's out of his mind now. Martha just put her head through a plate-glass window. Jesus! Through a window? +Martha's an idiot, she'll do anything to get John's attention. If Mitchell'd been minding the store instead of that nut Martha we wouldn't have that kid Magruder runnin' some third-rate burglary! Was he smoking pot? Mitchell? +Mitchell? No! Magruder! That sonofabitch tests my Quaker patience to the breaking point. +McCord? ... "Find out what the hell he was doing at ""CREEP."" This could be trouble. These CIA guys don't miss a trick. This could be a set-up." +I don't have time for all this shit! Just handle it, Bob! Keep it out of the White House. What else? Kissinger's waiting -- he's gonna throw a tantrum again if I don't see him, threatening to quit ... again. Well, sir ... it turns out -- one of the people implicated is still, you see, on our White House payroll. +Well, sir ... it turns out -- one of the people implicated is still, you see, on our White House payroll. Who? Not another goddamn Cuban? +Hunt? Howard Hunt? He left his White House phone number in his hotel room. +Goddamn! How long have we had this fucking dog?! Two years, he still doesn't come! We need a dog that looks happy when the press is around. Well, he's photogenic. Let's try dog bones? +I like it. I like the idea. Is it legal? I mean has anyone ever done it before? +Is it legal? I mean has anyone ever done it before? Sure. Lyndon, JFK, FDR -- I mean, Truman cut the shit out of my investigation of Hiss back in '48. +Where's Hunt now? In hiding. He sent Liddy to talk to me. +In hiding. He sent Liddy to talk to me. And? +And? He wants money. +He wants money. Pay him. +Pay him. Pay him? I told him to get out of the country. It's crazy to start ... +Pay him? I told him to get out of the country. It's crazy to start ... What the hell are you doing, Ehrlichman? Screwing with the CIA? I don't care how much he wants -- pay him. +It's more than that. It could be more than that. I want Hunt paid. Uh, we've never done this before, sir ... How do we pay? In ... hundreds? Do you fill a black bag full of unmarked bills? +Uh, we've never done this before, sir ... How do we pay? In ... hundreds? Do you fill a black bag full of unmarked bills? This is not a joke, John! +This is not a joke, John! No, sir. +No, sir. We should set up a Cuban defense fund on this; take care of all of them. +Oh, I suppose you would've just let them take over. These aren't fraternity pranks, John. It's anarchy. A revolution! I don't know if I'd go that far, sir. +I don't know if I'd go that far, sir. Why not? +Why not? Is the war worth it? Is it worth a one-term presidency? Because I think right now that's what we're looking at. +Is the war worth it? Is it worth a one-term presidency? Because I think right now that's what we're looking at. I will not go down as the first American president to lose a war! Going into Cambodia, bombing Hanoi, bombing Laos -- it buys us time so we can get out and give the South Vietnamese a fighting chance. +Excuse me ... Are you talking about recognizing China, Mr. President? That would cost us our strongest support. No ... I can do this because I've spent my whole career building anti Communist credentials. +We can't touch Hoover -- I thought the gloves were off. +I thought the gloves were off. -- as long as he's got secret files on everybody. I don't want 'em used against us. What about the CIA? Helms's done nothing for us. I want to see him. +The soldiers were provoked. The students started it, for Christ's sake! Sir, there's dead American kids here. Let's say we don't apologize for Kent State, but maybe we could have a national prayer day ... +He's in the dumps, sir. Agnew. Every time you have him attack the press, they give it back to him in spades. He's become the most hated man in America. Yeah, good old Spiro. Well, better him than me. What the hell is he but an insurance policy? +He's begging for a meeting, chief. He wants to go overseas for awhile. Well, no place where they speak English. That way he can always say he was misquoted. +The country's loving it. "The hard-core four million ""Nixon nuts"" aren't gonna go for it ... They'll say I sold out to the Communists." +No, you didn't, Bob. "Looks like he talked to Joe Kraft ... and to the Times. Told them he was dead set against the bombing, that you were ... ""unstable."" Claims he has to handle you ""with kid gloves"" ..." +I would personally enjoy doing that, sir. "No, no. He's our only ""star"" right now. He'd go crying straight to the press. He'd crucify us -- the sonofabitch! Get someone from our staff on his ass. Tap his phones. I want to know everyone he talks to." +I end the longest war in American history and they keep harping on this chickenshit! You know who's behind this, don't you -- it's Teddy Kennedy! He drowns a broad in his car and he can't run for president. He got pretty burned at Chappaquiddick. +He got pretty burned at Chappaquiddick. My point exactly! Somebody had to die before his shit got in the paper! Fucking Kennedys get away with everything. Do you see me screwing everything that moves? For Christ's sake! I did what the New York Times editorial page said we should do! I ended the war, I got SALT I with the Russians, I opened China! So why are these cocksuckers turning on me? Because they don't like the way I look. Where I went to school. +What about England? Forget it. Ehrenberg's paid three times that much ... +It'll never wash. Pardoning them means we're guilty. The people, the press will go nuts. And what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and watch them coming closer? Eating their way to the center? Lyndon bugged! So did Kennedy! FDR cut a deal with Lucky Luciano. Christ, even Ike had a mistress! What's so special about me? What about Lyndon? He could make a couple of calls to the Hill and shut this whole thing down. Did anyone talk to him? +I don't know, I don't know ... I just know we've made too many enemies. Sir, Bob and I are gonna have to testify before Earvin's committee. +Sir, Bob and I are gonna have to testify before Earvin's committee. No, you're not! You're going to claim executive privilege and you're going to stonewall it all the way -- plead the Fifth Amendment. I don't give a shit. They can't force the President's people to testify. +No, you're not! You're going to claim executive privilege and you're going to stonewall it all the way -- plead the Fifth Amendment. I don't give a shit. They can't force the President's people to testify. Executive privilege will make it look like we're covering up. +Executive privilege will make it look like we're covering up. We are covering up! For some petty, stupid shit. There are things I can say -- when other people say them, they'd be lies. But when I say them nobody believes me anyway ... +This is June twentieth? It's marked. Also there's June twenty third. And this year -- March twenty first. Those are the ones ... +Sorry ... ... go on. +... Y'know Al, if Hoover was alive none of this would've happened. He would've protected the President. Mr. Hoover was a realist. +Mr. Hoover was a realist. I trusted Mitchell. It was that damn big mouth wife of his. +I trusted Mitchell. It was that damn big mouth wife of his. At least Mitchell stood up to it. +At least Mitchell stood up to it. "Not like the others -- Dean, McCord, the rest ... We never got our side of the story out, Al. People've forgotten. I mean: ""Fuck you, Mr. President, fuck you Tricia, fuck you Julie!"" and all that shit, just words, but what violence! The tear gassing, the riots, burning the draft cards, Black Panthers -- we fixed it, Al, and they hate me for it -- the double dealing bastards. They lionize that traitor, Ellsberg, for stealing secrets, but they jump all over me 'cause it's Nixon. ... They've always hated Nixon." +May I say something, Mr. President? There's no secrets here, Al. +There's no secrets here, Al. You've never been a greater example to the country than you are now, sir, but ... but you need to get out more, sir, and talk to the people. No one I know feels ... close to you. +No, sir, you did not. Damn right. And there's still a helluva lotta people out there who wanna believe ... That's the point, isn't it? They wanna believe in the President. +You're all set, sir. Just push this button. Good night, Mr. President. You know, Al, men in your profession ... you give 'em a pistol and you leave the room. +You know, Al, men in your profession ... you give 'em a pistol and you leave the room. I don't have a pistol. +I don't have a pistol. 'Night, Al. +Exactly! We've got to take the war to them. Hit 'em where it hurts -- right in the nuts. More assassinations, more killings. Right, Al? That's what they're doing. +That's what they're doing. "These State Department jerks, Bill, don't understand; you got to electrify people with bold moves. Bold moves make history, like Teddy Roosevelt -- ""T.R."" -- rushing up San Juan Hill. Small event but dramatic. People took notice." +It's the President's personal property! I will never give up my tapes to a bunch of Kennedy-loving Harvard Democrat cocksuckers! This could trigger the impeachment. They'll go to the Supreme Court next. +This could trigger the impeachment. They'll go to the Supreme Court next. Let 'em try! I appointed three of those bastards! I'm not giving 'em my tapes! +Let 'em try! I appointed three of those bastards! I'm not giving 'em my tapes! Can the president afford to ignore a subpoena? +Can the president afford to ignore a subpoena? Who the fuck does Cox think he is? I never made a dime from public office! I'm honest. My dad died broke. You know the sonofabitch went to law school with Jack Kennedy? ... The last gasp of the Establishment! They got the hell kicked out of 'em in the election, so now they gotta squeal about Watergate 'cause we were the first real threat to them in years. And by God, Al, we would have changed it, changed it so they couldn't have changed it back in a hundred years, if only ... +Who the fuck does Cox think he is? I never made a dime from public office! I'm honest. My dad died broke. You know the sonofabitch went to law school with Jack Kennedy? ... The last gasp of the Establishment! They got the hell kicked out of 'em in the election, so now they gotta squeal about Watergate 'cause we were the first real threat to them in years. And by God, Al, we would have changed it, changed it so they couldn't have changed it back in a hundred years, if only ... Congress is considering four articles of impeachment, sir. +Congress is considering four articles of impeachment, sir. For what?! +About a dozen. A dozen? I got half of 'em elected. I still got the South and Goldwater and his boys. I'll take my chances with the Senate. +Who? Cox! Fire him. +Cox! Fire him. But he works for the Attorney General. Only Richardson can fire him. +Richardson won't do that. He'll resign. The hell he will! Fire him, too. If you have to go all the way down to the janitor at the Justice Department, fire the sonofabitch! And ... +... an action that will at last, once and for all, show that what I knew and what I did with regard to the Watergate break-in and cover-up were just as I have described them to you from the very beginning ... He's completely lost touch with reality. +He's completely lost touch with reality. I had no knowledge of the cover-up until John Dean told me about it on March twenty-first. And I did not intend that payment to Hunt or anyone else be made ... +"""Victory at Sea,"" Al ... Henry. The Pacific Theatre. Christ, you can almost feel the waves breaking over the decks." I'm afraid we have another problem, Mr. President. +June twenty-third, '72, sir. The part that's underlined. Your instructions to Haldeman regarding the CIA and the FBI. So? +So? "Your lawyers feel it's the ... ""smoking gun.""" +"Your lawyers feel it's the ... ""smoking gun.""" It's totally out of context. I was protecting the national security. I never intended -- +It's totally out of context. I was protecting the national security. I never intended -- Sir, the deadline is today. +Sir, the deadline is today. Can we get around this, Al? +Can we get around this, Al? It's the Supreme Court, sir; you don't get around it. +If you resign, you can keep your tapes as a private citizen ... You can fight them for years. And if I stay? +The army? Lincoln used it. +Lincoln used it. That was civil war. +That was civil war. How do you see this? +We can't survive this, sir. They also have you instructing Dean to make the payoff to Hunt. There is nothing in that statement the President can't explain. +There is nothing in that statement the President can't explain. "Sir, you talked about opening up the whole ""Bay of Pigs"" thing again." +"Sir, you talked about opening up the whole ""Bay of Pigs"" thing again." That's right ... +That's right ... Three days before, on the June twentieth tape -- the one with the eighteen-minute gap -- +Three days before, on the June twentieth tape -- the one with the eighteen-minute gap -- I don't know anything about that. +I don't know anything about that. "... you mentioned the ""Bay of Pigs"" several times. Sooner or later they're going to want to know what that means. They're going to want to know what was on that gap ..." +"... you mentioned the ""Bay of Pigs"" several times. Sooner or later they're going to want to know what that means. They're going to want to know what was on that gap ..." It's gone. No one will ever find out what's on it. +... they smelled the blood on me this time, Al. I got soft. You know ... that rusty, metallic smell ... I know it well, sir. +I know it well, sir. It came over from Vietnam, you know. +It came over from Vietnam, you know. Sir? +Sir? That smell. I mean, everybody suffered so much, their sons killed. They need to sacrifice something, y'know, appease the gods of war -- Mars, Jupiter. I am that blood, General. I am that sacrifice, in the highest place of all ... All leaders must finally be sacrificed. +They did what?! I don't understand. Why'd they go into O'Brien's office in the first place? Evidently to install bugs and photograph documents. +But O'Brien doesn't even use that office. The Democrats've moved to Miami. There's nothing there! It was just a fishing expedition. Apparently it was their fourth attempt at the DNC. +It was just a fishing expedition. Apparently it was their fourth attempt at the DNC. Their fourth! +Their fourth! It's possible they were looking for evidence of an illegal Howard Hughes donation to the Democrats, so the Democrats couldn't make an issue of your Hughes money. +It's possible they were looking for evidence of an illegal Howard Hughes donation to the Democrats, so the Democrats couldn't make an issue of your Hughes money. Contributions! It was a legal contribution. Who the hell authorized this? Colson? +We feel the bigger concern is Gordon Liddy ... That fruitcake! What about him? +That fruitcake! What about him? "Well, you know, sir, he's a nut. He used to work here with the ""Plumbers"" and now he's running this Watergate caper. You remember his plan to firebomb the Brookings using Cubans as firemen? He wanted to buy a damned fire truck! Magruder thinks he's just nutty enough to go off the reservation." +"Well, you know, sir, he's a nut. He used to work here with the ""Plumbers"" and now he's running this Watergate caper. You remember his plan to firebomb the Brookings using Cubans as firemen? He wanted to buy a damned fire truck! Magruder thinks he's just nutty enough to go off the reservation." What's Liddy got? +What's Liddy got? Apparently he was using some campaign cash that was laundered for us through Mexico. The FBI's onto it. We could have a problem with that. +He works for Colson. He used him on the Pentagon Papers. We're trying to figure out when he officially stopped being a White House consultant. After the arrest he dumped his wiretapping stuff into his White House safe. Howard Hunt is working for the White House? No shit! This is goddamn Disneyland! Since when? +On the list of horribles, I know what he is. And I know what he tracks back to. You say he was involved in the Plumbers? Definitely. Colson had him trying to break into Bremer's apartment after Bremer shot Wallace, to plant McGovern campaign literature. +Definitely. Colson had him trying to break into Bremer's apartment after Bremer shot Wallace, to plant McGovern campaign literature. I had nothing to do with that. Was he ... in the Ellsberg thing? +I had nothing to do with that. Was he ... in the Ellsberg thing? Yes, you approved it, sir. +Yes, you approved it, sir. I did? +I did? It was right after the Pentagon Papers broke. They went in to get his psychiatric records. +It was right after the Pentagon Papers broke. They went in to get his psychiatric records. Fucking hell. +Fucking hell. We were working on China. +Well, why not? Our own intelligence capability -- to fix the leaks? +Howard Hunt? ... Jesus Christ, you open up that scab ... and you uncover a lot of pus. What do you mean, sir? +But what are we paying him for? Silence! +Silence! "But, sir, you're covered -- no one here gave orders to break into the damned Watergate. We're clean. It's only the Ellsberg thing, and if that comes out, it's ""national security.""" +"But, sir, you're covered -- no one here gave orders to break into the damned Watergate. We're clean. It's only the Ellsberg thing, and if that comes out, it's ""national security.""" """Security"" is not strong enough." +"""Security"" is not strong enough." How about a COMINT classification? We put it on the Huston plan. Even the designation is classified. +How about a COMINT classification? We put it on the Huston plan. Even the designation is classified. """National Priority.""" +"""National security priority restricted and controlled secret.""" We'll work on it. I say we cut ourselves loose from these clowns and that's all there is to it. +Should we talk to Trini about paying these guys? Or maybe Chotiner? No, keep Trini out of this. Chotiner's too old. And for God's sake, keep Colson out. It's time to baptize our young counsel. That means Dean can never talk about it. Attorney-client privilege. Get to it. And Dean -- you stay close on this. +Bob, did I approve the Ellsberg thing? You know, I'm glad we tape all these conversations because ... I never approved that break-in at Ellsberg's psychiatrist. Or maybe I approved it after the fact? Someday we've got to start transcribing the tapes. You approved that before the fact, because I went over it with you. But ... +You approved that before the fact, because I went over it with you. But ... Uh, no one, of course, is going to see these tapes, but ... +Uh, no one, of course, is going to see these tapes, but ... That's right, and it's more a problem for Ehrlichman. He fixed Hunt up with the phony CIA ID's, but ... what else does Hunt have on us? +We've got to turn off the FBI. You just go to the CIA, Bob, and tell Helms that Howard Hunt is blackmailing the President. Tell him that Hunt and his Cuban friends know too damn much, and if he goes public, it would be a fiasco for the CIA. He'll know what I'm talking about. All right. +All right. Play it tough. That's the way they play it and that's the way we're going to play it. Don't lie to Helms and say there's no involvement, but just say this is sort of a comedy of errors, bizarre, without getting into it. Say the President believes it's going to open up the whole Bay of Pigs thing again. Tell Helms he should call the FBI, call Pat Gray, and say that we wish for the sake of the country -- don't go any further into this hanky-panky, period! +Play it tough. That's the way they play it and that's the way we're going to play it. Don't lie to Helms and say there's no involvement, but just say this is sort of a comedy of errors, bizarre, without getting into it. Say the President believes it's going to open up the whole Bay of Pigs thing again. Tell Helms he should call the FBI, call Pat Gray, and say that we wish for the sake of the country -- don't go any further into this hanky-panky, period! The Bay of Pigs? ... That was Kennedy's screw-up. How does that threaten us? +The Bay of Pigs? ... That was Kennedy's screw-up. How does that threaten us? Just do what I say, Bob. +Just do what I say, Bob. Yes, sir, but ... do you think Gray'll go for it? +Yes, sir, but ... do you think Gray'll go for it? Pat Gray'll do anything we ask him. That's why I appointed him. +Pat Gray'll do anything we ask him. That's why I appointed him. He'll need a pretext. He'll never figure one out for himself. +He'll need a pretext. He'll never figure one out for himself. Christ, you're right -- Gray makes Jerry Ford look like Mozart. Just have Helms call him. Helms can scare anybody. +Christ, you're right -- Gray makes Jerry Ford look like Mozart. Just have Helms call him. Helms can scare anybody. The only problem with that, sir -- it gets us into obstruction of justice. +The only problem with that, sir -- it gets us into obstruction of justice. It's got nothing to do with justice. It's national security. +It's got nothing to do with justice. It's national security. How is this national security? +How is this national security? Because the President says it is. My job is to protect this country from its enemies, and its enemies are inside the walls. +I suppose you thought the Presidency was above this sort of thing. Sir? +Sir? "This isn't a ""moral"" issue, Bob. We have to keep our enemies at bay or our whole program is gonna go down the tubes. The FBI is filled with people who are pissed that I put Gray in and not one of their own. Vietnam, China, the Soviet Union: when you look at the big picture, Bob, you'll see we're doing a hell of a lotta good in this world. Let's not screw it up with some shit-ass, third-rate burglary." +"This isn't a ""moral"" issue, Bob. We have to keep our enemies at bay or our whole program is gonna go down the tubes. The FBI is filled with people who are pissed that I put Gray in and not one of their own. Vietnam, China, the Soviet Union: when you look at the big picture, Bob, you'll see we're doing a hell of a lotta good in this world. Let's not screw it up with some shit-ass, third-rate burglary." I'll talk to Helms. Oh, Pat asked if you're coming to the Residence for dinner tonight. +I'll talk to Helms. Oh, Pat asked if you're coming to the Residence for dinner tonight. No, no, not tonight. Don't let her in here. I have too much to do. +No, no, not tonight. Don't let her in here. I have too much to do. Yes, sir. I'll talk to Helms, and, uh ... what's our press position on this Watergate thing? What do I tell Ziegler to tell them? +... When we consider the lineup of the world, we find there are 590 million people on our side, 800 million on the Communist side, and 600 million who are neutral. The odds are 5 to 3 against us ... He wouldn't do the makeup. Said it was for queers. +I think ... I think ... that's the sort of very dangerous and irresponsible suggestion that ... helping the Cuban exiles who oppose Castro would, uh ... not only be a violation of international law, it would be ... He's treading water. Don't mention Khrushchev. +He's treading water. Don't mention Khrushchev. ... an open invitation for Mr. Khrushchev to become involved in Latin America. We would lose all our friends in Latin America. +Meanwhile, what happens to the country? The bastard! If I'd called his shot on Cuba I would've won. He made me look soft. +Where are they? Dick, you don't have to make a statement. Herb covered it for you. +Dick, you don't have to make a statement. Herb covered it for you. No! +Cue the crowd. Go to the woman's group. Get the bald guy, he's great ... I, unlike Senator Kennedy, have a plan to end the war. But not for peace at any price, but peace with honor! +He wasn't protecting me. He was putting me on notice. What? That he knew Johnny Roselli? Hoover knew a lot of gangsters. +What? That he knew Johnny Roselli? Hoover knew a lot of gangsters. Yeah, but Roselli wasn't just any gangster. He was the gangster who set up Track 2 in Cuba. +I don't understand. Track 2's Chile? Chile, Congo, Guatemala, Cuba. Wherever's there's a need for an Executive Action capability, there's a Track 2. In Cuba, Track 1 was the Bay of Pigs invasion. Track 2 ... it was our idea. We felt the invasion wouldn't work unless we got rid of Castro. So we asked ourselves -- who else wants Castro dead? The Mafia, the money people. So we put together Track 2 ... +The first assassination attempt was in '60, just before the election. Before?! Eisenhower approved that? +Before?! Eisenhower approved that? He didn't veto it. I ran the White House side. The mob contact was Johnny Roselli. One of the CIA guys was that jackass, Howard Hunt. +He didn't veto it. I ran the White House side. The mob contact was Johnny Roselli. One of the CIA guys was that jackass, Howard Hunt. Jesus! +Jesus! And not just Hunt. Frank Sturgis, all those Cubans. All of them in the Watergate. They were involved in Track 2 in Cuba. Hunt reported to my military aide. But I met with him several times as Vice President. That's what worries the shit out of me. I don't know how much Hunt knows. Or the Cubans. +And not just Hunt. Frank Sturgis, all those Cubans. All of them in the Watergate. They were involved in Track 2 in Cuba. Hunt reported to my military aide. But I met with him several times as Vice President. That's what worries the shit out of me. I don't know how much Hunt knows. Or the Cubans. So? You wanted Castro dead. Everybody wanted Castro dead. If Hunt and the others are CIA, why don't we just throw this back in the CIA's lap? Let Richard Helms take the fall? +So? You wanted Castro dead. Everybody wanted Castro dead. If Hunt and the others are CIA, why don't we just throw this back in the CIA's lap? Let Richard Helms take the fall? Because ... because Dick Helms knows too much ... If anyone in this country knows more than I do, it's Hoover and Helms! You don't fuck with Dick Helms! Period. +Alright. But why, if Kennedy is so clean in all this, didn't he cancel Track 2? "Because he didn't even know about it. The CIA never told him, they just kept it going. It was like ... it had a life of its own. Like ... a kind of ""beast"" that doesn't even know it exists. It just eats people when it doesn't need 'em anymore. Two days after the Bay of Pigs, Kennedy called me in. He reamed my ass ..." +... he'd just found out about Track 2. You never told him? +You never told him? I didn't want him to get the credit. He said I'd stabbed him in the back. Called me a two-bit grocery clerk from Whittier. +If they didn't tell Kennedy about Track 2, how did Hoover find out? They had us bugged. Christ, he had everybody bugged. Yeah, he was gonna support me in '68, but he was also threatening me. That was Hoover: he'd give you the carrot, but he'd make damn sure the stick went right up your ass. +Well, one way or the other, Kent State is not good. We have to get out in front of this thing. The PR is going to murder us. Money. Follow the money. +Money. Follow the money. Sir? +Sir? These kids are being manipulated by the Communists. Like Chambers and Hiss. +... never complain, never explain, John ... I tell you, the soldiers were provoked. Now stop this pussyfooting around. Dead kids! How the hell did we ever give the Democrats a weapon like this? I mean, if Cambodia doesn't work, we'll bomb Hanoi if we have to. +... and we've got the economic guys at five. The Dow lost another 16 points. They're going to want a decision on the budget. Sir? ... Are we holding the line on a balanced budget? No ... a little deficit won't hurt. Jesus, they're serious. Why're we stopping? +No ... a little deficit won't hurt. Jesus, they're serious. Why're we stopping? Run 'em over. +Get that little fucker! Great tackle! Reminds me of my days at Whittier. Most of these kids are useless. Probably flunking, nothing to do except come down here and meet girls. Henry's out there with them. +Probably flunking, nothing to do except come down here and meet girls. Henry's out there with them. There's a poison in the upper classes, Bob. They've had it too soft. Too many cars, too many color TVs ... +There's a poison in the upper classes, Bob. They've had it too soft. Too many cars, too many color TVs ... Don't forget the South, sir, the West. Filled with the good football colleges, straight kids. There's more of 'em with you than against you. Not like these mudmutts. +Don't forget the South, sir, the West. Filled with the good football colleges, straight kids. There's more of 'em with you than against you. Not like these mudmutts. It's the parents' fault really. +But, hell, this is nothing compared to Venezuela. When I was Vice President, Ike sent me down there like a blocking back. They threw rocks, broke out our windows, almost overturned the car. Read Six Crises, Bob. Boy, Pat was brave! Yeah, we've got to get our vice president off the golf course and back there on the college circuit. That's top priority. +Mr. President! It's okay, Bob, we're just rapping, my friends and I. We actually agree on a lot of things ... +We really must go, Mr. President. Don't forget, the most important thing in your life is your relationship with your Maker ... Don't forget to be on God's side. +She got it, Bob. A nineteen-year-old college kid ... What? +What? She understood something it's taken me twenty-five fucking years in politics to understand. The CIA, the Mafia, the Wall Street bastards ... +She understood something it's taken me twenty-five fucking years in politics to understand. The CIA, the Mafia, the Wall Street bastards ... Sir? +Sir? "... ""The Beast."" A nineteen-year-old kid. She understands the nature of ""the Beast."" She called it a wild animal." +And his staff. Come on, the copy they were filing from China was great. Wait till the Mai-tais wear off. +The Jews aren't the middle, Henry. They're the far left. You're talking too much about black Africa, Henry. It's killing us with the rednecks. +You're talking too much about black Africa, Henry. It's killing us with the rednecks. "The blacks are lost, the ""schwartzes"" are gone ..." +"The blacks are lost, the ""schwartzes"" are gone ..." Don't let it lose us the right-wing vote ... +Gentlemen, I think it's about time for us to be getting to the airport. Let him finish, Bob. +You know, they all miss the point. Probably our biggest achievement as an administration, when it's all said and done, isn't China or Russia. It's pulling out of Vietnam without a right wing revolt. I believe you're right, boss. +I believe you're right, boss. ... but even the presidency isn't enough anymore ... +... but even the presidency isn't enough anymore ... Sir? +Sir? The presidency won't protect us, Bob. We're beyond politics now ... +Congratulations, boss. A great victory! The madman theory wasn't so crazy after all. This could be it ... this could be it. Four long years ... +So that explains his press notices. Working both sides of the fence: Jewboy Henry, always trying to get his Nobel Prize, get laid ... My God, my God! He talked to the New York Times? +My God, my God! He talked to the New York Times? We ought to fire his whining ass. Right now when he's on top. You know what -- it'll set the right example for the rest of this administration. +Because they're not Americans. Right. They don't trust! They don't trust America! +Right. They don't trust! They don't trust America! Why would they?! Who the hell's Sulzberger anyway? Their parents are gold traders from Eastern Europe. They buy things. They come to Jew York City and they buy up things. One of the things they buy is the New York Times. And you know what? Be proud because they'll never trust you, sir, because we speak for the average American. +You know why they're turning on me? They're not serious about power, that's why. They're playing with power. They're forgetting the national interest. In the old days, people knew how to hold power, how to set limits. They wouldn't have torn this country apart over a third-rate burglary. All they care about now are their egos, looking good at cocktail parties ... ... beating out the other papers, chasing girls ... +... beating out the other papers, chasing girls ... "... worrying whether someone said something ""nice"" about them. All short-term, frivolous bullshit; Ben Bradlee worrying about Teddy Kennedy liking him ..." +You played it perfectly, sir -- cocksucker! He's going to think twice before he leaks again. He'll be looking in his toilet bowl every time he pulls the chain. +We've got to turn the faucet off on this thing. It's out of control ... You might burden just me with this in the future. It's Helms -- it's got to be. +It's Helms -- it's got to be. We could leverage Helms. +We could leverage Helms. How? +How? When I met with him, he said ... +... I was wondering what's such dynamite in this Bay of Pigs story? ... although it was clearly effective, because all of a sudden it was no problem for Helms to go to the FBI and try to put a lid on Watergate. What about the documents he promised? +What about the documents he promised? He'll give us the documents. But I think he should be offered the ambassadorship to Iran. Then he'll go without a whimper. +I promised Iran to Townsend. Put Townsend in Belgium; it's available. +Put Townsend in Belgium; it's available. Townsend gave us 300 grand. Belgium's not worth more than 100, 150 ... +Helms wants Iran or there might be problems. All of his old CIA buddies are over there making a fortune off the Shah. For God's sake, when does this end?! +More light, chief? No ... +... There can be no whitewash at the White House ... two wrongs do not make a right. I love America. God bless America and God bless each and every one of you. Sir ... six bodies. +Richard ... come with me, would you ... Why me? +Because Harold tests thy father's will is no reason to admire him. Let Harold's worldliness be a warning to thee, not an example. Yes, Mother ... +Yes, Mother ... Harold may have lost touch with his Bible, but thou must never lapse. +Do not tell a lie, Richard ... The cornsilk cigarette Harold gave thee behind the store this morning. I don't ... have them. Mother ... I swear, I ... didn't smoke. +I don't ... have them. Mother ... I swear, I ... didn't smoke. I see ... Well then, Richard, we have nothing more to talk about, do we? +I see ... Well then, Richard, we have nothing more to talk about, do we? Please, Mother, it ... it was just one time, Mother, I'm ... I'm sorry. +Please, Mother, it ... it was just one time, Mother, I'm ... I'm sorry. So am I. Thy father will have to know of thy lying. +So am I. Thy father will have to know of thy lying. No, no! Please, don't. Don't tell him. I'll never do it again. I promise. I promise ... Please, mama ... +No, no! Please, don't. Don't tell him. I'll never do it again. I promise. I promise ... Please, mama ... I expect more from thee, Richard. +Please! I'll never let you down again, Mother. Never. I promise. Then this shall be our little secret. Remember that I see into thy soul as God sees. Thou may fool the world. Even thy father. But not me, Richard. Never me. +Then this shall be our little secret. Remember that I see into thy soul as God sees. Thou may fool the world. Even thy father. But not me, Richard. Never me. Mother, think of me always as your faithful dog ... +We haven't said grace yet. Richard. Is it my turn? +I can't ... Thou must. +It's a gift, Richard. This law school is a gift from your brother. Did he have to die for me to get it?! +Did he have to die for me to get it?! It's meant to make us stronger. Thou art stronger than Harold ... stronger than Arthur. God has chosen thee to survive ... +It's meant to make us stronger. Thou art stronger than Harold ... stronger than Arthur. God has chosen thee to survive ... What about happiness, Mother? +What about happiness, Mother? Thou must find thy peace at the center, Richard. Strength in this life. Happiness in the next. +What'd he say? What do you think? He said in life there's no free ride. +What do you think? He said in life there's no free ride. What'd you say? +What'd you say? I said I didn't need a free ride. I need a suit. +Oh, no, Harold. He doesn't respond well to humor. Maybe if you talk to Mother she can ... I'd rather get a whipping than have another talk with her. Anything but a talk with her. +Hey ... you'll be able to do it now. What ... ? +What ... ? Go to law school. Mom and Dad'll be able to afford it now ... +Mom expects great things from you ... Harold ... can I get you anything? +Relax, Dick, it's just me ... The desert's so beautiful, isn't it? I want to go home, Dick. Time to go home. You're not gonna quit on me, are you, Harold? +I'm honored, Dick, that you've come all this way out here to Virginia to visit us at last. "My friends call me ""Mister President.""" +"My friends call me ""Mister President.""" And so shall I. Arrange some coffee, would you General Cushman? +Robert Cushman is a lieutenant general in the Marine Corps, the Deputy Director of the CIA ... and this is what you use him for? I didn't choose him as my deputy, Mr. President. You did. +"I suppose, ""Mister President,"" you're unhappy that we have not implemented your Domestic Intelligence plan, but ..." You're correct. I'm concerned these students are being funded by foreign interests, whether they know it or not. The FBI is worthless in this area. I want your full concentration on this matter ... +You're correct. I'm concerned these students are being funded by foreign interests, whether they know it or not. The FBI is worthless in this area. I want your full concentration on this matter ... Of course we've tried, but so far we've come up with nothing that ... +Of course we've tried, but so far we've come up with nothing that ... Then find something. And I want these leaks stopped. Jack fucking Anderson, the New York Times, the State Department -- I want to know who's talking to them. +Then find something. And I want these leaks stopped. Jack fucking Anderson, the New York Times, the State Department -- I want to know who's talking to them. I'm sure you realize this is a very tricky area, Mr. President, given our charter and the congressional oversight committees ... +I'm sure you realize this is a very tricky area, Mr. President, given our charter and the congressional oversight committees ... Screw congressional oversight. I know damn well, going back to the '50's, this agency reports what it wants, and buries what it doesn't want Congress to know. Pay close attention to this. +Is there something else that's bothering you, Mr. President? Yes ... It involves some old and forgotten papers. Things I signed as Vice President. I want the originals in my office and I don't want copies anywhere else. +You're referring, of course, to chairing the Special Operations Group as Vice President. Yes ... +Diem? Trujillo? Lumumba? Guatemala? Cuba? ... It's a shame you didn't take similar precautions, Dick. I'm interested in the documents that put your people together with ... the others. All of them ... +President Kennedy threatened to smash the CIA into a thousand pieces. You could do the same ... I'm not Jack Kennedy. Your agency is secure. +I'm not Jack Kennedy. Your agency is secure. Not if I give you all the cards ... +Not if I give you all the cards ... I promised the American people peace with honor in Southeast Asia. That could take time -- two, maybe three years ... In the meantime, your agency will continue at current levels of funding. +I promised the American people peace with honor in Southeast Asia. That could take time -- two, maybe three years ... In the meantime, your agency will continue at current levels of funding. Current levels may not be sufficient. +Current levels may not be sufficient. The President would support a reasonable request for an increase. +And me? ... Firing you, Mr. Helms, wouldn't do any good. Of course you'll continue as DCI. You're doing a magnificent job. +Firing you, Mr. Helms, wouldn't do any good. Of course you'll continue as DCI. You're doing a magnificent job. And of course I accept. I'm flattered. And I want you to know, I work for only one president at a time. +And of course I accept. I'm flattered. And I want you to know, I work for only one president at a time. Yes. And you will give General Cushman full access. +Yes. And you will give General Cushman full access. It will take a little time, but I'll order a search for your papers. Though it does raise a disturbing issue. +It will take a little time, but I'll order a search for your papers. Though it does raise a disturbing issue. What? +What? Mr. Castro. +Mr. Castro. Yes. +Yes. We have recent intelligence that a Soviet nuclear submarine has docked at Cienfuegos. +We have recent intelligence that a Soviet nuclear submarine has docked at Cienfuegos. Well, we'll lodge a formal protest. +Well, we'll lodge a formal protest. I don't think we can treat this as a formality. Mr. Kennedy made a verbal promise to the Russians not to invade Cuba. But you authorized Dr. Kissinger to put this in writing. +Are you tapping Kissinger? My job, unpleasant sometimes, is to know what others don't want me to know. +My job, unpleasant sometimes, is to know what others don't want me to know. Not if you have spies in the White House, it isn't your job. +Not if you have spies in the White House, it isn't your job. It is not my practice to spy on the president. Doctor Kissinger manages to convey his innermost secrets to the world at large on his own. +It is not my practice to spy on the president. Doctor Kissinger manages to convey his innermost secrets to the world at large on his own. Mr. Helms, we've lived with Communism in Cuba for ten years ... +Mr. Helms, we've lived with Communism in Cuba for ten years ... ... But it has never been the policy of this government to accept that. And it is certainly not CIA policy. +... But it has never been the policy of this government to accept that. And it is certainly not CIA policy. CIA policy? The CIA has no policy, Mr. Helms. Except what I dictate to you ... I try to adjust to the world as it is today, not as you or I wanted it to be ten years ago. +CIA policy? The CIA has no policy, Mr. Helms. Except what I dictate to you ... I try to adjust to the world as it is today, not as you or I wanted it to be ten years ago. Is that why you and Kissinger are negotiating with the Chinese? +This is an extremely dangerous direction, Mr. President. Terrible consequences can result from such enormous errors in judgement. But ... if we were able to separate China from Russia once and for all, we can -- we could create a balance of power that would secure the peace into the next century. +But ... if we were able to separate China from Russia once and for all, we can -- we could create a balance of power that would secure the peace into the next century. By offering Cuba to the Russians as a consolation prize? +By offering Cuba to the Russians as a consolation prize? Cuba would be a small price to pay. +Cuba would be a small price to pay. So President Kennedy thought. +I never thought Jack was ready for the presidency. But I would never, never consider ... His death was awful, an awful thing for this country. Do you ever think of death, Mr. Helms? Flowers are continual reminders of our mortality. Do you appreciate flowers? +Flowers are continual reminders of our mortality. Do you appreciate flowers? No. They make me sick. They smell like death ... I had two brothers die young. But let me tell you, there are worse things than death. There is such a thing as evil. +No. They make me sick. They smell like death ... I had two brothers die young. But let me tell you, there are worse things than death. There is such a thing as evil. "You must be familiar with my favorite poem by Yeats? ""The Second Coming""?" +"You must be familiar with my favorite poem by Yeats? ""The Second Coming""?" No. +No. "Black Irishman. Very moving. ""Turning and turning in the widening gyre / The falcon cannot hear the falconer / Things fall apart, the center cannot hold / Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world / And everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned / The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity"" ... But it ends so beautifully ominous -- ""What rough beast, its hours come round at last / Slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?"" ... Yes, this country stands at such a juncture." +What do you think this plan is, Edgar? A nuclear attack? He's lying, Clyde. Always has. That's why Nixon's always been useful. Hold still. And take your hand off your hip. +I want to see him tomorrow, Clyde. Edgar, think twice. He works in the kitchen. +Edgar, think twice. He works in the kitchen. Not Joaquin, you idiot. Nixon. Did you hear what he said in Oregon? About me having too much power. +Not Joaquin, you idiot. Nixon. Did you hear what he said in Oregon? About me having too much power. It's between Nixon and a Kennedy again, Edgar ... Who do you want? +It's between Nixon and a Kennedy again, Edgar ... Who do you want? Kennedy -- never. He'll fry in hell for what he did to me. But Nixon doesn't know that, which is why I'm gonna have to remind him he needs us a helluva lot more'n we need him. +... little Bobby. Would you walk with me down to the paddock? I'd like to look at the horses for the eighth. +Ummm... If things remain as they are ... He's got the anti-war vote. +It was the poorest lemon ranch in California, I can tell you that. My father sold it before they found oil on it. It was the poorest lemon ranch in California, I can assure you. My father sold it before they found oil on it. +My father built the house where I was born with his own hands. Oh, it wasn't a big house ... Turn this crap off, Clyde. It's giving me a headache ... You may go, Joaquin. +Thank you for coming, Dick. Winning? +Winning? Actually, I've just had a bit of luck. +Oh, my goodness ... How about you? Are you going to win? +How about you? Are you going to win? You should ask Bobby. +Can't we just talk here? I've got the police chiefs in San Diego. I'm trying to spare you an embarrassment. Johnny Roselli is on his way back here. +Roselli? Johnny Roselli? Yes. Your old friend from Cuba. +Yes. Your old friend from Cuba. I never met the man. +I never met the man. I know you've been very careful not to. That's why I'm concerned. +You'll win the nomination. It could be '60 all over again, Edgar. Bobby's got the magic, like a goddamn rock star. They climb all over each other just to touch his clothes! He'll ride his brother's corpse right into the White House. +Or he'll steal it like his brother. He's a mean little sonofabitch, Edgar ... He had the IRS audit my mother when she was dying in a nursing home. I know ... +Yeah, well, as I said, Edgar ... You asked if you could count on my support ... As long as I can count on yours. +You asked if you could count on my support ... As long as I can count on yours. The old queen did it on purpose. +There must be a quarter-million out there, Edgar. They've been at it now for a year. Young kids just like Tricia. I don't know. Do you think they have a point, Edgar? Maybe this whole damned system of government is ... "Remember what Lenin said in 1917, Mr. President: ""The power was lying in the streets just waiting for someone to pick it up."" The Communists have never been closer. Now is the time to go back to the old themes, the ones that made you president. Let the Communists know you're onto them." +"Remember what Lenin said in 1917, Mr. President: ""The power was lying in the streets just waiting for someone to pick it up."" The Communists have never been closer. Now is the time to go back to the old themes, the ones that made you president. Let the Communists know you're onto them." The little bastards think they can ruin Tricia's wedding day by dancing naked in the Reflecting Pond. +The little bastards think they can ruin Tricia's wedding day by dancing naked in the Reflecting Pond. Don't listen to 'em, don't quit. Remember - Kennedy, Bobby, and King were against the war. Where are they now? Don't give 'em a goddamn inch on the war. President Johnson bombed Laos for years and nobody knew or said a thing. How the hell the Times ever got ahold of this Ellsberg stuff is a disgrace! +Don't listen to 'em, don't quit. Remember - Kennedy, Bobby, and King were against the war. Where are they now? Don't give 'em a goddamn inch on the war. President Johnson bombed Laos for years and nobody knew or said a thing. How the hell the Times ever got ahold of this Ellsberg stuff is a disgrace! We can't keep a goddamn secret in this government, Edgar. They're stealing papers right out of his office. +We can't keep a goddamn secret in this government, Edgar. They're stealing papers right out of his office. Johnson had the same damned problem till he bugged his own office. +Johnson had the same damned problem till he bugged his own office. We took his system out. +We took his system out. That was a mistake. The White House was full of Kennedy people then. It still is. +That was a mistake. The White House was full of Kennedy people then. It still is. Who do you think is behind it? +Who do you think is behind it? Well, you have CIA people all over the place. Helms has seen to that. Then there's Kissinger's staff. Kissinger himself, I believe, maybe the leaker. +Well, you have CIA people all over the place. Helms has seen to that. Then there's Kissinger's staff. Kissinger himself, I believe, maybe the leaker. Kissinger? +Kissinger? "He's obsessed with his own image. He wants his Nobel Peace Prize a little too much. As the late ""Doctor"" King proved -- even an ape can win a prize with good press." +"He's obsessed with his own image. He wants his Nobel Peace Prize a little too much. As the late ""Doctor"" King proved -- even an ape can win a prize with good press." Jesus, I'd like to book him into a psychiatrist's office. He comes in here ranting and raving, dumping his crap all over the place ... Could you prove it, Edgar? +Jesus, I'd like to book him into a psychiatrist's office. He comes in here ranting and raving, dumping his crap all over the place ... Could you prove it, Edgar? I always get my man. +I always get my man. Yeah, you do. I'd be bugging myself, Edgar ... Who'd get the tapes? +Yeah, you do. I'd be bugging myself, Edgar ... Who'd get the tapes? No one. Your property. It would prove your case. Why do you think Kissinger's taping your calls? For history. His word against yours -- and right now he's got the records. +"This damned tie ... Will you help me, Edgar? Churchill used to say to me, ""If you want your own history written properly, you must write it yourself."" All right, Edgar, but just don't let it come back to haunt me." It won't. As long as I'm here. +How the fuck did you know? Injections. Even this noble sport's been fixed. Seen the guys? +Injections. Even this noble sport's been fixed. Seen the guys? They're around. +Why, you got a customer? The White House. +The White House. You're fucking me. +You're fucking me. We're gonna be plumbers, Frank. We're gonna plug a leak. +We're gonna be plumbers, Frank. We're gonna plug a leak. Who we working for? +Who we working for? A guy named Gordon Liddy. Thinks he's Martin Borman. You wanna meet him? +Where'd you find him? Just don't tell him to do anything you don't really want him to do. +Just don't tell him to do anything you don't really want him to do. So, does Tricky Dick know about this? +So, does Tricky Dick know about this? I won't tell him if you won't. +Howard ... What the hell? What're you doing? Dogs ... Season starts tomorrow. It keeps me calm. I don't like going back into the same building four times. +Mein Kampf? """A warrior with nerves of steel is yet broken by a thread of silk."" Nietzsche." +"""A warrior with nerves of steel is yet broken by a thread of silk."" Nietzsche." Personally I'd prefer a greyhound with a shot of speed. +Personally I'd prefer a greyhound with a shot of speed. Remember -- listen up! Fire team discipline is there at all times. Keep your radios on at all times during the entire penetration. Check yourselves. Phony ID's, no wallets, no keys. We rendezvous where? The Watergate, Room 214. When? At zero three-hundred. +Let's get the fuck out of here, shall we, ladies? Anything goes wrong, head for your homes, just sit tight -- you'll hear from me or Howard. +Anything goes wrong, head for your homes, just sit tight -- you'll hear from me or Howard. Personally, I'll be calling the President of the United States. +Thanks, Jack. You sure throw a helluva party. "Party ain't started yet, Dick. Got these gals coming over to the ranch later for a little private ""thing,"" y'know ... There's some fellows I want you to meet." +"Party ain't started yet, Dick. Got these gals coming over to the ranch later for a little private ""thing,"" y'know ... There's some fellows I want you to meet." Well, uh, Trini and I have an early plane. We were hoping to get back to New York in time for ... +Like you said Jack, I'm just a New York lawyer now. We'll see about that. +I know for a fact that the one with the big tits is a Republican, and she'd do anything for the Party. She's quite pretty. +She's quite pretty. Her name's Sandy ... +By the way, Jack, this looks like a pretty straight-forward transaction to me, but we should get into it soon -- just take a few minutes, maybe up at the house ... He's all business, ain't he, Trini? Dick, we could've had our own goddamn lawyers handle this deal. We brought you down here 'cause we wanted to talk to you ... +Hell, Kennedy's pissed Cuba away to the Russians. And he don't know what the hell he's doing in Vietnam. These are dangerous times, Dick, especially for business ... Agreed. +Gentlemen, I tried. I told Kennedy to go into Cuba. He heard me and he made his decision. I appreciate your sentiments. I've heard them from many fine Cuban patriots, but it's nothing I can do anything about. Now, it's a long drive back to Dallas tonight, and Trini and I have got an early flight tomorrow to New York ... Dick, these boys want you to run. They're serious. They can deliver the South and they can put Texas in your column. That would've done it in '60. +Dick, these boys want you to run. They're serious. They can deliver the South and they can put Texas in your column. That would've done it in '60. Only if Kennedy dumps Johnson. +Only if Kennedy dumps Johnson. That sonofabitch Kennedy is coming back down here tomorrow. Dick, we're willing to put up a shitpot fulla money to get rid of him -- more money'n you ever dreamed of. +That sonofabitch Kennedy is coming back down here tomorrow. Dick, we're willing to put up a shitpot fulla money to get rid of him -- more money'n you ever dreamed of. Nobody's gonna beat Kennedy in '64 with all the money in the world. +So, what's this about, Dick? It's me or Wallace, Jack. Wallace's third party is only going to help McGovern. I need your support. +It's me or Wallace, Jack. Wallace's third party is only going to help McGovern. I need your support. "Well, you sure been chock full of surprises so far, ""Mister President.""" +"It looks like to me we're gonna lose the war for the first goddamned time and, Dick, goddamn it, you're going along with it, buying into this Kissinger bullshit -- ""detente"" with the Communists. ""Detente"" -- it sounds like two fags dancing." Jack, we're not living in the same country you and I knew in '46. Our people are just not gonna sacrifice in major numbers for war. We can't even get 'em to accept cuts in their gas tanks. Hell, the Arabs and the Japanese are bleeding the shit out of our gold .. +Jack, we're not living in the same country you and I knew in '46. Our people are just not gonna sacrifice in major numbers for war. We can't even get 'em to accept cuts in their gas tanks. Hell, the Arabs and the Japanese are bleeding the shit out of our gold .. And whose fault is that? If we'd won in Vietnam ... +And whose fault is that? If we'd won in Vietnam ... It's nobody's fault, Jack. It's change -- which is a fact of history. Even that old cocksucker Hoover's dead. Things change. +Desi's got a point. What the hell are we gonna do about the Communists right here in our backyard?! What do you mean, Jack? +What do you mean, Jack? I mean I got federal price controls on my oil. The ragheads are beating the shit out of me. And I got your EPA environment agency with its thumb so far up my ass it's scratching my ear. +... And now I have a federal judge ordering me to bus my kids halfway 'cross town to go to school with some nigger kids. I think, Mr. President, you're forgetting who put you where you are. The American people put me where I am. +Because if you're uncomfortable with the EPA up your ass, try the IRS ... Well, goddamn. Are you threatening me, Dick? +Well, goddamn. Are you threatening me, Dick? Presidents don't threaten. They don't have to. Good day, gentlemen. +Mr. President, we are in a revolutionary situation. We are under siege -- Black Panthers, Weathermen; The State Department under Rogers is leaking like a sieve. And now this insignificant little shit Ellsberg publishing all the diplomatic secrets of this country will destroy our ability to conduct foreign policy. Here, Tim ... Tim. I'm as frustrated as you, Henry, but don't you think this one's a Democrat problem. They started the war; it makes them look bad. +Fuck it! He doesn't like me, John! It's your fault, Henry. I beg your pardon -- +I beg your pardon -- It's your people who are leaking to the Times. Wasn't this Ellsberg a student of yours at Harvard? He was your idea; why are you suddenly running for cover? +It's your people who are leaking to the Times. Wasn't this Ellsberg a student of yours at Harvard? He was your idea; why are you suddenly running for cover? He was, he was. We taught a class together at Harvard. But you know these back-stabbing Ivy League intellectuals, they can't ... +He was, he was. We taught a class together at Harvard. But you know these back-stabbing Ivy League intellectuals, they can't ... No, Henry. I don't. +No, Henry. I don't. He's turned into a drug fiend, he shot people from helicopters in Vietnam, he has sexual relations with his wife in front of their children. He sees a shrink in L.A. He's all fucked up. Now he's trying to be a hero to the liberals ... If he gets away with it, everybody will follow his lead. He must be stopped at all costs. +Who are you talking to like this, you insignificant shit ... ... and what do we get for it? Gobs and gobs of bullshit, gossip, nothing! Someone is leaking. We've got to stop the leaks, Henry, at any cost, do you hear me? Then we can go for the big play -- China, Russia. +Alright, Henry -- we're gonna go your way. Crush this Ellsberg character the same way we did Hiss! There's no other choice. +There's no other choice. "We're gonna hit him so hard he looks like everything that's sick and evil about the Eastern Establishment. You and your ""plumbers"" are gonna find dirt on this guy -- let's see him going to the bathroom in front of the American public! And when we finish with him, they'll crucify him!" +... as the old alliances crumble. "Finally someone who's noticed! I'm a great admirer of yours, too, Mr. Nixon. You are an unusual politician. We share a mutual idol -- ""Six Crises"" sounds like a page from Churchill." +"Finally someone who's noticed! I'm a great admirer of yours, too, Mr. Nixon. You are an unusual politician. We share a mutual idol -- ""Six Crises"" sounds like a page from Churchill." Churchill, DeGaulle, Disraeli. They all went through the pain of losing power. +Churchill, DeGaulle, Disraeli. They all went through the pain of losing power. But they all got it back again, didn't they? We should have lunch sometime. +"Well, as you know, most of my staff have weighed in against this ""incursion."" They believe it will fail to achieve anything fundamental militarily, and will result in crushing criticism domestically ..." I didn't ask what your staff thinks, Henry. What do you think? +I didn't ask what your staff thinks, Henry. What do you think? "What I think is ... they're cowards. Their opposition represents the cowardice of the Eastern Establishment. They don't realize as you do, Mr. President, that the Communists only respect strength, and they will only negotiate in good faith if they fear the ""madman,"" Richard Nixon." +Exactly, sir. That is your historical contribution: to lead boldly in an era of limits. "No one understands! -- even my own men. What do you think the Communists respond to? Honesty, liberal guilt, soul-wringing crap, fathers on TV crying? Hell no! I understand the Communist mind, I've studied it for thirty years. They grasp ""realpolitik"" better than any of us, right, Henry?" +That's triangular diplomacy, gentlemen. Exactly, yes, Mr. President. That is my contention. +Exactly, yes, Mr. President. That is my contention. That's what geopolitics is about -- the whole world linked by self interest ... You tell me, Ron, how the hell I can explain that on television to a bunch of simple-minded reporters and weeping fucking mothers! +This will get me a second term. Damn it, without risk, there's no heroism. There's no history. I, Nixon, was born to do this. Mr. President, this cannot be breathed! Especially to our secretary of state -- that cretin Rogers ... The Chinese would never trust us again. The only way, I emphasize only way, to pull this off is in secret. +Mr. President, this cannot be breathed! Especially to our secretary of state -- that cretin Rogers ... The Chinese would never trust us again. The only way, I emphasize only way, to pull this off is in secret. This is a major coup, gentlemen -- our own State Department doesn't even know. And if it leaks out of here tonight ... +That's right! And if necessary, I'll drop the big one. We have to entertain the possibility ... +You'll pick up the middle on this one - the Jews and Negros. Jews and Negros don't win elections, Henry. Better to hang them around the Democrats' necks. +Housecleaning? It would be ugly, Henry, really ugly ... But it must be done; your government is paralyzed. +But it must be done; your government is paralyzed. All kinds of shit would come out. Like the Ellsberg thing. You knew about that, Henry, didn't you? +All kinds of shit would come out. Like the Ellsberg thing. You knew about that, Henry, didn't you? I ... I heard something ... It sounded idiotic. +I ... I heard something ... It sounded idiotic. Idiotic? Yes, I suppose it was. +That doesn't matter now, Henry. The point is, you might lose some of your media-darling halo if the press starts sniffing around our dirty laundry. I had nothing to do with that, sir, and I resent any implication ... +I had nothing to do with that, sir, and I resent any implication ... Resent it all you want, Henry, but you're in it with the rest of us. Cambodia, Ellsberg, the wiretaps you put in. The President wants you to know you can't just click your heels and head back to Harvard Yard. It's your ass too, Henry, and it's in the wind twisting with everyone else's. +Mr. Nixon, it is possible for even a president to go too far. Yeah ... +Can you imagine what this man would have been had he ever been loved? ... because people have got to know whether or not their President is a crook. Well, I am not a crook. I have never made a dime from public service ... +... because people have got to know whether or not their President is a crook. Well, I am not a crook. I have never made a dime from public service ... Oh God, I'm going to throw up. +Yes, you always had a good sense of timing, Henry. When to give and when to take. How do you think Mao, Brezhnev will react? Do you think this is how they'll remember me, Henry, after all the great things you and I did together? As some kind of ... of ... crooks? They will understand, sir. To be undone by a third-rate burglary is a fate of biblical proportions. History will treat you far more kindly than your contemporaries. +They will understand, sir. To be undone by a third-rate burglary is a fate of biblical proportions. History will treat you far more kindly than your contemporaries. That depends who writes the history books. I'm not a quitter ... but I'm not stupid either ... A trial would kill me -- that's what they want. But they won't get it. +If they harass you, I, too, will resign. And I will tell the world why. Don't be stupid. The world needs you, Henry; you always saw the big picture. You were my equal in many ways. You're the only friend I've got, Henry. +Don't be stupid. The world needs you, Henry; you always saw the big picture. You were my equal in many ways. You're the only friend I've got, Henry. You have many friends ... and admirers ... +You have many friends ... and admirers ... Do you ever pray? You know ... believe in a Supreme Being? +Do you ever pray? You know ... believe in a Supreme Being? Uh ... not really. You mean on my knees? +Uh ... not really. You mean on my knees? Yes. My mother used to pray ... a lot. It's been a long time since I really prayed. Let's pray, Henry; let's pray a little. +... Uh, I hope this doesn't embarrass you. Not at all. This is not going to leak, is it? +Not at all. This is not going to leak, is it? Don't be too proud; never be too proud to go on your knees before God. +You know, Mr. Chairman, at Harvard I used your writings in my class. What a waste of time. My writings mean absolutely nothing. +What a waste of time. My writings mean absolutely nothing. But your writings have changed the world, Mr. Chairman. +But your writings have changed the world, Mr. Chairman. Fung pi! I've only managed to change a few things around the city of Beijing. I want to know your secret. +Fung pi! I've only managed to change a few things around the city of Beijing. I want to know your secret. Secret, Mr. Chairman? +Secret, Mr. Chairman? How a fat man gets so many girls. +I was asleep, Mr. President. What can I get you? Just ... uh ... you know. +Just ... uh ... you know. Of course. +Do you miss Cuba, Manolo? Yes, Mr. President. +Yes, Mr. President. We let you down, didn't we. Your people. +We let you down, didn't we. Your people. That was Mr. Kennedy. +That was Mr. Kennedy. You don't think he was a hero? +He was a politician. Did you cry when he died? +Did you cry when he died? Yes. +Yes. Why? +Why? I don't know. He made me see the stars ... +I don't know. He made me see the stars ... How did he do that? All those kids ... Why do they hate me so much? +I must say you look very good, Mr. Chairman. Looks can be deceiving ... +Looks can be deceiving ... We know you've taken a great risk in inviting us here. +Don't ever trust them. They never tell the truth or honor their commitments. Vietnamese are like Russians. Both are dogs. Mr. Chairman, there is an old saying: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. +Mr. Chairman, there is an old saying: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. That has the added virtue of being true. +You know, I voted for you in your last election. I was the lesser of two evils. +You're too modest, Nixon. You're as evil as I am. We're both from poor families. But others pay to feed the hunger in us. In my case, millions of reactionaries. In your case, millions of Vietnamese. Civil war is always the cruelest kind of war. +Civil war is always the cruelest kind of war. The real war is in us. History is a symptom of our disease. +Yes, well ... Gentlemen, I promised my wife. I'm out of politics. You just came down here for the weather, right, Mr. Nixon? +You just came down here for the weather, right, Mr. Nixon? I came down here to close a deal for Studebaker. +So ... how's the food over there in China, Mr. Nixon? Free, if you're the president. +What are you going to do about this Allende fellow nationalizing our businesses in Chile? You gonna send Kissinger down there? We're gonna get rid of him -- Allende, I mean -- just as fast as we can. He's on the top of the list. +We're gonna get rid of him -- Allende, I mean -- just as fast as we can. He's on the top of the list. How about Kissinger along with him? +How about Kissinger along with him? Kissinger's misunderstood. He pretends to be a liberal for his Establishment friends, but he's even tougher than I am ... +We can prosecute the New York Times, go for an injunction ... ... but it's not, bottom-line, gonna change a goddamn thing, John. The question is: How do we screw Ellsberg so bad it puts the fear of God into all leakers? +It was illegal, what he did. "You know, this kinda thing, you gotta be brutal. A leak happens, the whole damn place should be fired. Really. You do it like the Germans in World War II. If they went through these towns and a sniper hit one of them, they'd line the whole goddamned town up and say: ""Until you talk you're all getting shot."" I really think that's what has to be done. I don't think you can be Mr. Nice-guy anymore ..." +The lie? You remember, John, in '48 -- no one believed Alger Hiss was a communist. Except me. They loved Hiss just like they loved this Ellsberg character. East Coast, Ivy League. He was their kind. I was dirt to them. Nothing. +And Dick beat the shit out of them. But I wouldn't have if Hiss hadn't lied about knowing Chambers. The documents were old and out of date, like these Pentagon Papers. The key thing we proved was that Hiss was a liar. Then people bought it that he was a spy. It's the lie that gets you. +But I wouldn't have if Hiss hadn't lied about knowing Chambers. The documents were old and out of date, like these Pentagon Papers. The key thing we proved was that Hiss was a liar. Then people bought it that he was a spy. It's the lie that gets you. Hiss was protecting his wife. I've always believed that. +Hiss was protecting his wife. I've always believed that. When they know you've got something to protect, that's when they fuck you! +Sorry, Dick. She's a little tipsy. You mean smashed! She called up at midnight last week. Talking a bunch of crap. Pat can't stand her. +You mean smashed! She called up at midnight last week. Talking a bunch of crap. Pat can't stand her. It's a thing she does. She talks at night. +It's a thing she does. She talks at night. Talks all day, too! How the hell can you put up with her, John? +Talks all day, too! How the hell can you put up with her, John? What the hell -- I love her. And she's great in bed. +Rocky's full of shit! No way he's going to get nominated west of the Hudson with a new wife. He's gonna be drinking Scotches in retirement at some goddamn country club with the rest of the Republicans. Goes to show you all the moolah in the world can't buy you a brain. +Goes to show you all the moolah in the world can't buy you a brain. Well, he seems to have bought Kissinger. +Well, he seems to have bought Kissinger. The Jewboy's a Harvard whore with the morals of an eel -- sells himself to the highest bidder. +The Jewboy's a Harvard whore with the morals of an eel -- sells himself to the highest bidder. You're the one who should be in politics, John. You're tougher than I am. You never crack. +You're the one who should be in politics, John. You're tougher than I am. You never crack. That'll be the day. +That'll be the day. Let's get out of here; it's too painful. I hate it. We went bowling last weekend. Next weekend we're going to the zoo. Whoever said there was life after politics was full of shit. +Let's get out of here; it's too painful. I hate it. We went bowling last weekend. Next weekend we're going to the zoo. Whoever said there was life after politics was full of shit. Make some money, Dick, prove yourself to the Wall Street crowd and let Goldwater and Rockefeller take the fall against Kennedy. +Uh, wait ... You need her, Dick -- in '60 she was worth five, six million votes. +You need her, Dick -- in '60 she was worth five, six million votes. Don't worry -- I'll use the old Nixon charm on her. +How many? Four. Two boys. Two girls. And eight wounded. +Four. Two boys. Two girls. And eight wounded. Jesus Christ! +Jesus Christ! "One of the fathers was on the TV saying, ""My child was not a bum."" And it's playing like gangbusters. Hell, Hoover told me one of the girls was a nymph." +"One of the fathers was on the TV saying, ""My child was not a bum."" And it's playing like gangbusters. Hell, Hoover told me one of the girls was a nymph." Shit, the press doesn't care about the facts. Cronkite's sticking it to me. It's their first big hit on Richard Nixon. +This isn't '48, Dick. They'll never buy it. How do you know that, John? Did we try? Are we just giving up like the rest of 'em? What's Hoover found, for God's sake? +You all right? My brother Harold was about the same age as those kids, John. Tuberculosis got him. +My brother Harold was about the same age as those kids, John. Tuberculosis got him. It wasn't your fault. The soldiers were just kids, too. They panicked. +It wasn't your fault. The soldiers were just kids, too. They panicked. They were throwing rocks, John, just rocks. They don't think I feel ... but I feel too much sometimes. I just can't let a whole policy get dominated by our sentimentality. +They were throwing rocks, John, just rocks. They don't think I feel ... but I feel too much sometimes. I just can't let a whole policy get dominated by our sentimentality. You're doing the right thing, Dick ... don't let 'em shake you. +You're doing the right thing, Dick ... don't let 'em shake you. It broke my heart when Harold died. +It broke my heart when Harold died. That was a long time ago. +Get off that. That leads nowhere. You should offer condolences to the families of those kids. Sure, I'd like to offer condolences. +... give me a break, Mary. You all know me. I'm one of you, I grew up a stone's throw from here on a little lemon ranch in Yorba Linda ... +But it was all we had. ... but it was all we had. +Edgar, wonderful to see you. Clyde ... hi. Mr. Nixon. +... Somebody should shoot the little bastard. I wanna fight just as dirty as he does. +I wanna fight just as dirty as he does. ... Use his women. +... Use his women. ... Any information you have, Edgar. The sonofabitch is not gonna steal from me again! Can you back me up on this? Can I count on your support? +Hi, I'm Dick Nixon. You're shittin' me. +You're shittin' me. Where you from? +Where you from? Syracuse. +Syracuse. The Orangemen! Now there's a football program. Jim Brown. And that other tailback ... The one with the blood disease ... +The Orangemen! Now there's a football program. Jim Brown. And that other tailback ... The one with the blood disease ... Ernie Davis. +Ernie Davis. Right, right. I used to play a little ball myself at Whittier. Of course, they used me as a tackling dummy. +What you have to understand, Mr. Nixon, is that we are willing to die for what we believe in. That man up there lived in similar times. He had chaos and civil war and hatred between the races ... Sometimes I go to the Lincoln Room at the White House and just pray. You know, the liberals act like idealism belongs to them, but it's not true. My family went Republican because Lincoln freed the slaves. My grandmother was an abolitionist. It was Quakers who founded Whittier, my hometown, to abolish slavery. They were conservative Bible folk, but they had a powerful sense of right and wrong ... Forty years ago I was looking, as you are now, for answers. But you know, ending the war and cleaning up the air and the cities, feeding the poor -- my mother used to feed hobos stopping over at our house - none of it is going to satisfy the spiritual hunger we all have, finding a meaning to this life ... +Come on, man -- Vietnam ain't Germany. It doesn't threaten us. It's a civil war between the Vietnamese. But change always comes slowly. I've withdrawn more than half the troops. I'm trying to cut the military budget for the first time in thirty years. I want an all-volunteer army. But it's also a question of American credibility, our position in the world ... +Hi. Hello ... +That's Julie ... and that's Tricia. She, uh, reminds me a little bit of you ... Oh yeah ... she really is ... wholesome. +... I don't really know you yet, Sandy ... What do you like? I mean, what kind of clothes do you like? Do you like blue ... red? Oh, I like satin, I like pink ... +Oh, I like satin, I like pink ... What kind of, uh ... music do you like? +What kind of, uh ... music do you like? I like jazz ... +I like jazz ... Yeah ... Guy Lombardo ... +Yeah ... Guy Lombardo ... Elvis I like, too. +Elvis I like, too. Oh yeah, he's good. +... but it depends on what I'm doing to the music, Dick ... Uh, is your mother ... still alive? +Uh, is your mother ... still alive? Yeah, she lives in Dallas ... +Yeah, she lives in Dallas ... She must be very attractive. Would she like an autograph? She might remember me ... Where's Trini? +We didn't come here to talk about football. We came here to end the war. Yes, I understand that. +No, we don't! You're full of shit! You say you want to end the war, so why don't you? My brother died over there last November. Why? What good was his death? I know. I know. I've seen a lot of kids die, too, in World War II. +Someone wants it ... You can't stop it, can you? Even if you wanted to. Because it's not you. It's the system. And the system won't let you stop it ... There's a lot more at stake here than what you want. Or even what I want ... +There's a lot more at stake here than what you want. Or even what I want ... Then what's the point? What's the point of being president? You're powerless. +No, no. I'm not powerless. Because ... because I understand the system. I believe I can control it. Maybe not control it totally. But ... tame it enough to make it do some good. It sounds like you're talking about a wild animal. +It sounds like you're talking about a wild animal. Maybe I am. +We got the press this time! "And we got the ""big mo""! We're back!" +We gotta make 'em think we're just as tough as they are -- that Nixon's a mad bomber, he might do anything! I played a lot of poker in World War II , and I won big, and let me tell you this -- unpredictability is our best asset. That redneck Johnson left me with a shitty hand and I'm bluffing. I've got to play the hawk in Vietnam and the dove in China. And if we keep our heads, we can win this thing. What? Win Vietnam, sir? +But what am I telling the press about Kent State? Tell 'em what you like; they'll never understand it anyway. +Mr. President, the press guys asked if you could come back for a minute. The hell with 'em. +No, they want you, Mr. President. I really think it would be a good move. Gentlemen, I go now to discover the exact length, width and depth of the shaft. +Bernstein. Who the fuck are they? Bob, are you working on revoking the Posts's television license? Good. +You know, Fred, they sell tickets. Sir? +Sir? They sell tickets to an impeachment. Like a fucking circus ... Okay, so they impeach me. Then it's a question of mathematics. How many votes do we have in the Senate? +Shit, plenty of people did their best writing in prison. Gandhi, Lenin ... That's right. +That's right. What I know about this country, I ... I could rip it apart. If they want a public humiliation, that's what they'll get. But I will never resign this office. Where the fuck am I? +What's in there? POWs. And their families. +POWs. And their families. So I'm supposed to be ... +So I'm supposed to be ... Compassionate. Grateful. +Compassionate. Grateful. Proud? +Proud? Sir? +Sir? Of them. +Of them. Yes, yes. +Yes, yes. Fire him. +There's more ... there's more than just me. You can't break, my boy, even when there's nothing left. You can't admit, even to yourself, that it's gone, Al. Do you think those POWs in there did? No, sir ... +No, sir ... "Now some people, we both know them, Al, think you can go stand in the middle of the bullring and cry, ""Mea culpa, mea culpa,"" while the crowd is hissing and booing and spitting on you. But a man doesn't cry. I don't cry. You don't cry ... You fight!" +"And this?! Good Lord, have you lost your mind? Nixon can't say this. ""Niggers""!" Well, we could delete it. +"Or we could write ""expletive deleted.""" "... and get rid of all these ""goddamns"" and ""Jesus Christs""!" +We lost ... I know ... +I know ... It's hard to lose ... +It makes us human ... It's not fair, Buddy. I can take the insults; I can take the name-calling. But I can't take the losing. I hate it. +It's not fair, Buddy. I can take the insults; I can take the name-calling. But I can't take the losing. I hate it. We don't have to put ourselves through this again, Dick. +We don't have to put ourselves through this again, Dick. What do you mean? We worked for it. We earned it. It's ours. +What do you mean? We worked for it. We earned it. It's ours. It is. We know that. And it's enough that we know. Just think of the girls. They're still young. We never see them. I lost my parents. I don't want them to lose theirs; I don't want them to grow up without a mother and father ... +It is. We know that. And it's enough that we know. Just think of the girls. They're still young. We never see them. I lost my parents. I don't want them to lose theirs; I don't want them to grow up without a mother and father ... Maybe I should get out of the game. What do you think, Buddy? Go back to being a lawyer and end up with something solid, some money at the end of the line ... You know, I keep thinking of my old man tonight. He was a failure, too. +Maybe I should get out of the game. What do you think, Buddy? Go back to being a lawyer and end up with something solid, some money at the end of the line ... You know, I keep thinking of my old man tonight. He was a failure, too. You're not a failure, Dick. +You're not a failure, Dick. You know how much money he had in the bank when he died? Nothing. He was so damned honest ... But I miss him. I miss him a hell of a lot. +Thank you, Fidel Castro. You're not going to blame this on Castro, are you? +You're not going to blame this on Castro, are you? I sure am. The goddamned missile crisis united the whole country behind Kennedy. And he was supporting Brown. People were scared, that's why. +I sure am. The goddamned missile crisis united the whole country behind Kennedy. And he was supporting Brown. People were scared, that's why. I suppose Castro staged the whole thing just to beat you. +I suppose Castro staged the whole thing just to beat you. Buddy, before you join the jubilation at my being beaten again, you should remember: People vote not out of love, but fear. They don't teach that at Sunday School or at the Whittier Community Playhouse! +Don't you want to listen to Brown's victory speech? No. I'm not going to listen to any more speeches ever again. +No. I'm not going to listen to any more speeches ever again. Amen to that. +Amen to that. It's over, Dick. +It's over, Dick. I'll concede in the morning. +I'll concede in the morning. Not that. Us. +What are you saying? What are you talking about? I want a divorce. +I want a divorce. My God -- divorce? What about the girls? +My God -- divorce? What about the girls? The girls will grow up. They only know you from television anyway. +The girls will grow up. They only know you from television anyway. It would ruin us, Buddy, our family. +It would ruin us, Buddy, our family. You're ruining us. If we stay with you, you'll take us down with you. This isn't political, Dick. This is our life. +You're ruining us. If we stay with you, you'll take us down with you. This isn't political, Dick. This is our life. Everything's political, for Christ's sake! I'm political. And you're political, too! +Everything's political, for Christ's sake! I'm political. And you're political, too! No, I'm not! I'm finished. +This is just what they want, Buddy. Don't you see it? They want to drive us apart. To beat us. We can't let them do it. We've been through too much together, Buddy ... We belong together. That's what you said the first time we met. You didn't even know me. +Dick, don't... Buddy, look at me ... just look at me. Do you really want me to quit? +We can be happy. We really can. We love you, Dick. The girls and I... If I stop ... there'll be no more talk of divorce? +I'll do it. No more. Are you serious? +Are you serious? Yeah ... I'm out. +Yeah ... I'm out. Is that the truth? +Is that the truth? I'll never run again. I promise. +Dick, you should call Bobby. He doesn't want me at the funeral. +He doesn't want me at the funeral. You don't have to go. +You don't have to go. De Gaulle's gonna be there. And Macmillan. And Adenauer. Nixon can't not be there. +De Gaulle's gonna be there. And Macmillan. And Adenauer. Nixon can't not be there. Then call him. I'm sure it was an oversight. +Then call him. I'm sure it was an oversight. No. It's his way. He hates me. Him and Teddy. They always hated me. +No. It's his way. He hates me. Him and Teddy. They always hated me. They've lost a brother. You know what that means, Dick. +Were you planning to tell me? We ... haven't announced anything ... uh ... +Buddy? ... You should be going ... the primaries are soon, aren't they? New Hampshire ... +You should be going ... the primaries are soon, aren't they? New Hampshire ... They love you, Buddy. They need you, too. +They love you, Buddy. They need you, too. I don't want them to love me. +I don't want them to love me. I need you out there. It won't be like last time. The war's crippled the Democrats. I can win ... We deserve it. Yeah, it's ours, Buddy -- at last. Nobody knows better than you. Frank Nixon's boy. +It was our dream, too, Buddy, together ... always. Do you really want this, Dick? +Do you really want this, Dick? This. Above all. +This. Above all. And then you'll be happy? +Yes ... you know it! Yes ... I will. Yeah! Then I'll be there for you. +Then I'll be there for you. You're the strongest woman I ever met. I love you, Buddy. +You're the strongest woman I ever met. I love you, Buddy. Can I just ask for one thing? +Can I just ask for one thing? Anything. +Anything. Will you ... would you kiss me? +He looked old, didn't he? "I asked him, ""Lyndon, what would you do, on a scale of one to ten?"" And he said, ""Bomb the shit out of Hanoi, boy! Bomb them where they live."" ... John, do you think I was too soft on TV?" +Hi, Buddy. What are you doing in here? I've missed you. +I've missed you. Are you okay? +Are you okay? Why don't we go down to Key Biscayne together? Just the two of us. +Why don't we go down to Key Biscayne together? Just the two of us. Because ... I have to relax. +Because ... I have to relax. I was thinking tonight -- do you remember, Dick? Do you remember when you used to drive me on dates with the other boys? You didn't want to let me out of your sight. +I was thinking tonight -- do you remember, Dick? Do you remember when you used to drive me on dates with the other boys? You didn't want to let me out of your sight. Yeah, sure, a long time ago. +Yeah, sure, a long time ago. Yes, it's been a long time ... +I don't need that, Buddy. I'm not Jack Kennedy. No, you're not. So stop comparing yourself to him. You have no reason to ... You have everything you ever wanted. You've earned it. Why can't you just enjoy it? +No, you're not. So stop comparing yourself to him. You have no reason to ... You have everything you ever wanted. You've earned it. Why can't you just enjoy it? I do. I do. In my own way. +I do. I do. In my own way. Then what are you scared of, honey? +Then what are you scared of, honey? I'm not scared, Buddy. You don't understand. They're playing for keeps, Buddy. The press, the kids, the liberals -- they're out there, trying to figure out how to tear me down. +I'm not scared, Buddy. You don't understand. They're playing for keeps, Buddy. The press, the kids, the liberals -- they're out there, trying to figure out how to tear me down. They're all your enemies? +They're all your enemies? Yes! +Yes! You personally? +You personally? Yes! This is about me. Why can't you understand that, you of all people? It's not the war -- it's Nixon! They want to destroy Nixon! And if I expose myself even the slightest bit they'll tear my insides out. Do you want that? Do you want to see that, Buddy? It's not pretty. +Yes! This is about me. Why can't you understand that, you of all people? It's not the war -- it's Nixon! They want to destroy Nixon! And if I expose myself even the slightest bit they'll tear my insides out. Do you want that? Do you want to see that, Buddy? It's not pretty. Sometimes I think that's what you want. +Sometimes I think that's what you want. You've been drinking. What the hell are you saying? Jesus, you sound like them now! ... I've gotta keep fighting, Buddy, for the country. These people running things, the elite ... they're soft, chickenshit faggots! They don't have the long-term vision anymore. They just want to cover their asses or meet girls or tear each other down. Oh, God, this country's in deep trouble, Buddy ... and I have to see this through. Mother would've wanted no less of me ... I'm sorry, Buddy. +No, I don't. I'm not Jack ... But they never will, Dick. No matter how many elections you win, they never will. +Penny for your thoughts. Is that adjusted for inflation? Think of the life Mao's led. In '52 I called him a monster. Now he could be our most important ally. Only Nixon could've done that. +Is that adjusted for inflation? Think of the life Mao's led. In '52 I called him a monster. Now he could be our most important ally. Only Nixon could've done that. You're a long way from Whittier. +Congratulations, Dick. How am I going to break this to Bob Hope? +Not for the Pentagon it isn't. I'm kissing Mao's ass. And the press is gonna find some way to shaft Nixon on this one. It's not the press that matters. Nixon's wife is proud of him. +Yes. When? +When? Tomorrow. +Tomorrow. Ron told me that Bob Haldeman's been calling. But you won't talk to him ... if he's convicted, will you pardon him? +Ron told me that Bob Haldeman's been calling. But you won't talk to him ... if he's convicted, will you pardon him? No. +What exactly did you want to discuss, Pat? You. What' you're doing -- +You. What' you're doing -- And what am I doing? +And what am I doing? I wish I knew. You're hiding. +I wish I knew. You're hiding. Hiding what? +Hiding what? Whatever it is you've always been hiding. You're letting it destroy you, Dick. You won't even ask for help. You're destroying yourself, Dick. +I'm the only left, Dick. If you don't talk to me, you ... Brezhnev's coming in three days. I don't want to deal with them. And him. And you. +No, it isn't. I won't interfere with you anymore. I'm finished trying. Thank you. +Thank you. Thank you? Dick, sometimes I understand why they hate you. +Why didn't you? You can't expect me to explain that to you. +You can't expect me to explain that to you. What matters to me is whether you understand it. +You don't expect me to believe that for one minute, do you? Does it matter what's on them? Really? ... Murder, Dick? Sex? Your secrets, your fantasies? Or just me and you and ... Don't be ridiculous! +Don't be ridiculous! I remember Alger Hiss. I know how ugly you can be -- you're capable of anything. But you see, it doesn't really matter, at the end of the day, what's on them. Because you have absolutely no remorse. No concept of remorse. You want the tapes to get out, you want them to see you at your worst ... +I remember Alger Hiss. I know how ugly you can be -- you're capable of anything. But you see, it doesn't really matter, at the end of the day, what's on them. Because you have absolutely no remorse. No concept of remorse. You want the tapes to get out, you want them to see you at your worst ... You're drunk! +And what would I find out that I haven't known for years. What makes it so damn sad is that you couldn't confide in any of us. You had to make a record ... for the whole world. They were for me. They're mine. +They were for me. They're mine. No. They're not yours. They are you. You should burn them. +It'll be over soon. No ... it's just going to start now ... If I could just ... If I could just ... sleep. +No ... it's just going to start now ... If I could just ... If I could just ... sleep. There'll be time for that. +Howya doin'! New York treating you okay? I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you at all-- "Well enough. You're looking ""happy,"" Nelson." +Oh, Happy! Dick Nixon ... You remember him. Hi, Happy. Well, you're obviously making him happy. +Hi, Happy. Well, you're obviously making him happy. Repartee, Dick -- very good. Hey, I feel ten years younger! It makes a helluva difference, let me tell ya! How's the lawyer life? +Repartee, Dick -- very good. Hey, I feel ten years younger! It makes a helluva difference, let me tell ya! How's the lawyer life? Never made so much money in my life. But my upbringing doesn't allow me to enjoy it. I did get to argue a case before the Supreme Court. +Never made so much money in my life. But my upbringing doesn't allow me to enjoy it. I did get to argue a case before the Supreme Court. Won or lost? +Won or lost? Lost. +Lost. Someday, Dick. +But being out of the game gives me time to write. To what? +To what? "Write. You know, a book. I'm calling it ""Six Crises."" It's a good thing, Rocky -- take some time off to write." +"Write. You know, a book. I'm calling it ""Six Crises."" It's a good thing, Rocky -- take some time off to write." Hiya, fellow ... What were they? +Hiya, fellow ... What were they? What? +What? "The ""crises""?" +"The ""crises""?" """Checkers"" of course, Hiss, Ike's heart attack, Venezuela, the Kitchen Debate, and Kennedy." +"""Checkers"" of course, Hiss, Ike's heart attack, Venezuela, the Kitchen Debate, and Kennedy." Sounds like you got a crisis syndrome. Aren't you exaggerating a bit, Dick? Call it three-and-a-half, maybe four ... +Sounds like you got a crisis syndrome. Aren't you exaggerating a bit, Dick? Call it three-and-a-half, maybe four ... Let's wait and see how you survive your first crisis, Rocky ... +Let's wait and see how you survive your first crisis, Rocky ... Whatcha mean by that? +Whatcha mean by that? You know: how the voters are gonna play your divorce. +"Well, in any case, Rocky, I'll send you my book. ""Six Crises.""" Whatcha predicting -- your boy Goldwater going to split the party? +Whatcha predicting -- your boy Goldwater going to split the party? Some say you are, Rocky. +Some say you are, Rocky. The Republican Party was never home to extremists. You should know better. This guy's as stupid as McCarthy, and McCarthy never did you any good in the long run, now did he? +Hey, you know Henry Kissinger -- he's down from Harvard. On my staff, foreign policy whiz ... No, but I liked your book on nuclear weapons. We have similar views on the balance of power ... +No, but I liked your book on nuclear weapons. We have similar views on the balance of power ... "Well, that's wonderful. So get me this ""crisis"" thing, Dick; I'll be glad to take a look at it." +How'd you know I was here. Who else'd be in your truck. +Who else'd be in your truck. You heard it? +You heard it? How's that? +How's that? You heard my -- you havin' fun with me? +You heard my -- you havin' fun with me? What give you that idea. I seen one of the cats heard it. +What give you that idea. I seen one of the cats heard it. But -- how'd you know it was mine? +But -- how'd you know it was mine? I deduced it. Once you walked in. +How many a those things you got now? Cats? Several. Wal. Depends what you mean by got. Some are half-wild, and some are just outlaws. +Cats? Several. Wal. Depends what you mean by got. Some are half-wild, and some are just outlaws. How you been, Ellis? +How you been, Ellis? You lookin' at it. I got to say you look older. +You lookin' at it. I got to say you look older. I am older. +I am older. Got a letter from your wife. She writes pretty regular, tells me the family news. +Got a letter from your wife. She writes pretty regular, tells me the family news. Didn't know there was any. +Didn't know there was any. She just told me you was quittin'. Sit down. +Want a cup? 'Predate it. +'Predate it. How fresh is this coffee? +How fresh is this coffee? I generally make a fresh pot ever week even if there's some left over. +That man that shot you died in prison. In Angola. Yeah. +In Angola. Yeah. What would you a done if he'd been released? +What would you a done if he'd been released? I don't know. Nothin'. Wouldn't be no point to it. +I don't know. Nothin'. Wouldn't be no point to it. I'm kindly surprised to hear you say that. +I'm kindly surprised to hear you say that. All the time you spend tryin' to get back what's been took from you there's more goin' out the door. After a while you just try and get a tourniquet on it. +...Your granddad never asked me to sign on as deputy. I done that my own self. Loretta says you're quittin'. Yes, you've circled round. +Yes, you've circled round. How come're you doin that? +How come're you doin that? I don't know. I feel overmatched. +...I always thought when I got older God would sort of come into my life in some way. He didn't. I don't blame him. If I was him I'd have the same opinion about me that he does. You don't know what he thinks. +You don't know what he thinks. Yes I do. +...Shot down on his own porch there in Hudspeth County. There was seven or eight of 'em come to the house. Wantin' this and wantin' that. Mac went back in and got his shotgun but they was way ahead of him. Shot him down in his own doorway. Aunt Ella run out and tried to stop the bleedin'. Him tryin to get hold of the shotgun again. They just set there on their horses watchin' him die. Finally one of 'em says somethin' in Injun and they all turned and left out. Well Mac knew the score even if Aunt Ella didn't. Shot through the left lung and that was that. As they say. When did he die? +When did he die? Nineteen zero and nine. +Nineteen zero and nine. No, I mean was it right away or in the night or when was it. +No, I mean was it right away or in the night or when was it. Believe it was that night. She buried him the next mornin'. Diggin' in that hard caliche. +...What you got ain't nothin' new. This country is hard on people. Hard and crazy. Got the devil in it yet folks never seem to hold it to account. Most don't. +Most don't. You're discouraged. +You're discouraged. I'm... discouraged. +I'm... discouraged. You can't stop what's comin. Ain't all waitin' on you. +I thought maybe she was with your boy there. No ID in her room? +No ID in her room? Not hardly nothin' in her room. And that establishment was no stickler on registration. Well... +No money in his room there? Couple hundred on his person. Those hombres would've taken the stash. +Couple hundred on his person. Those hombres would've taken the stash. I suppose. Though they was leavin' in a hurry. +I suppose. Though they was leavin' in a hurry. It's all the goddamned money, Ed Tom. The money and the drugs. It's just goddamned beyond everything. What is it mean? What is it leading to? +It's all the goddamned money, Ed Tom. The money and the drugs. It's just goddamned beyond everything. What is it mean? What is it leading to? Yes. +Yes. If you'd a told me twenty years ago I'd see children walkin' the streets of our Texas towns with green hair and bones in their noses I just flat out wouldn't of believed you. +If you'd a told me twenty years ago I'd see children walkin' the streets of our Texas towns with green hair and bones in their noses I just flat out wouldn't of believed you. Signs and wonders. But I think once you stop hearin' sir and madam the rest is soon to follow. +Signs and wonders. But I think once you stop hearin' sir and madam the rest is soon to follow. It's the tide. It's the dismal tide. It is not the one thing. +It's the tide. It's the dismal tide. It is not the one thing. Not the one thing. I used to think I could at least some way put things right. I don't feel that way no more. +...I don't know what I do feel like. "Try ""old"" on for size." +"Try ""old"" on for size." Yessir. It may be that. In a nutshell. +None of that explains your man though. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. He is just a goddamn homicidal lunatic, Ed Tom. +He is just a goddamn homicidal lunatic, Ed Tom. I'm not sure he's a lunatic. +I'm not sure he's a lunatic. Well what would you call him. +Well what would you call him. I don't know. Sometimes I think he's pretty much a ghost. +I don't know. Sometimes I think he's pretty much a ghost. He's real all right. +He's real all right. Oh yes. +Oh yes. All that at the Eagle Hotel. It's beyond everything. +All that at the Eagle Hotel. It's beyond everything. Yes, he has some hard bark on him. +Yes, he has some hard bark on him. That don't hardly say it. He shoots the desk clerk one day, and walks right back in the next and shoots a retired army colonel. +Hard to believe. Strolls right back into a crime scene. Who would do such a thing? How do you defend against it? +Don't know why I did. I told you, I don't know where he is. You ain't heard from him? +You ain't heard from him? No I ain't. +No I ain't. Nothin'? +Nothin'? Not word one. +Not word one. Would you tell me if you had? +Would you tell me if you had? Well, I don't know. He don't need any trouble from you. +Well, I don't know. He don't need any trouble from you. It's not me he's in trouble with. +It's not me he's in trouble with. Who's he in trouble with then? +Who's he in trouble with then? Some pretty bad people. +Some pretty bad people. Llewelyn can take care of hisself. +Llewelyn can take care of hisself. These people will kill him, Carla Jean. They won't quit. +These people will kill him, Carla Jean. They won't quit. He won't neither. He never has. +He won't neither. He never has. I wish I could say that was in his favor. But I have to say I don't think it is. +I wish I could say that was in his favor. But I have to say I don't think it is. He can take all comers. +Why you tellin' me that, Sheriff? I don't know. My mind wanders. +Who's Charlie Walser. Oh! Well, I, uh... True story? I couldn't swear to ever detail but... it's certainly true that it is a story. Yeah, right. Sheriff, can you give me your word on somethin'? +Yes ma'am? If I tell you where Llewelyn's headed, you promise it'll be just you goes and talks with him -- you and nobody else? +If I tell you where Llewelyn's headed, you promise it'll be just you goes and talks with him -- you and nobody else? Yes ma'am, I do. +Yes ma'am, I do. Llewelyn would never ask for help. He never thinks he needs any. +Llewelyn would never ask for help. He never thinks he needs any. Carla Jean, I will not harm your man. And he needs help, whether he knows it or not. +Carla Jean... No. +You wouldn't think a car would burn like that. Yessir. We should a brought wieners. +Does that look to you like about a '77 Ford, Wendell? It could be. +It could be. I'd say it is. Not a doubt in my mind. +I'd say it is. Not a doubt in my mind. The old boy shot by the highway? +The old boy shot by the highway? Yessir, his vehicle. Man killed Lamar's deputy, took his car, killed someone on the highway, swapped for his car, and now here it is and he's swapped again for god knows what. +Yessir, his vehicle. Man killed Lamar's deputy, took his car, killed someone on the highway, swapped for his car, and now here it is and he's swapped again for god knows what. That's very linear Sheriff. +Well. Old age flattens a man. Yessir. But then there's this other. He nods up the ridge away from the highway. +Yessir. But then there's this other. He nods up the ridge away from the highway. Uh-huh. +...You ride Winston. You sure? +You sure? Oh, I'm more than sure. Anything happens to Loretta's horse I can tell you right now you don't wanna be the party that was aboard. +I know this truck. Belongs to a feller named Moss. Llewelyn Moss? +Llewelyn Moss? That's the boy. +That's the boy. You figure him for a dope runner? +Yes, appears to have been a glitch or two. What calibers you got there, Sheriff? +What calibers you got there, Sheriff? Nine millimeter. Couple of .45 ACP's. +...Somebody unloaded on this thing with a shotgun. Mm. +...How come do you reckon the coyotes ain't been at 'em? I don't know... +These boys is all swole up. So this was earlier: gettin set to trade. Then, whoa, differences... You know: might not of even been no money. That's possible. +That's possible. But you don't believe it. +But you don't believe it. No. Probably I don't. +No. Probably I don't. It's a mess, ain't it Sheriff? +We goin' in? Gun out and up. +What about yours? I'm hidin' behind you. +...I believe they've done lit a shuck. Believe you're right. +Believe you're right. That from the lock? +Probably must be. So when was he here? +So when was he here? I don't know. Oh. +...Now that's aggravating. Sheriff? +Sheriff, that's aggravating. I'm ahead of you there. +You think this boy Moss has got any notion of the sorts of sons of bitches that are huntin' him? I don't know. He ought to... +What was the bullet? Wasn't no bullet. +Wasn't no bullet? Yessir. Wasn't none. +Yessir. Wasn't none. Well, Wendell, with all due respect, that don't make a whole lot of sense. +Well, Wendell, with all due respect, that don't make a whole lot of sense. No sir. +No sir. You said entrance wound in the forehead, no exit wound. +You said entrance wound in the forehead, no exit wound. Yes sir. +Yes sir. Are you telling me he shot this boy in the head and then went fishin' around in there with a pocket knife? +Are you telling me he shot this boy in the head and then went fishin' around in there with a pocket knife? Sir, I don't want to picture that. +Sir, I don't want to picture that. Well I don't either! +Yes Noreen you better had. Thank you. The Rangers and DEA are heading out to the desert this morning. You gonna join 'em? +The Rangers and DEA are heading out to the desert this morning. You gonna join 'em? I don't know. Any new bodies accumulated out there? +I don't know. Any new bodies accumulated out there? No sir. +No sir. Well then I guess I can skip it. Heavens to Betsy, Wendell, you already put me off my breakfast. +Yessir. None of the three had ID on 'em but they're tellin' me all three is Mexicans. Was Mexicans. There's a question. Whether they stopped bein'. And when. +There's a question. Whether they stopped bein'. And when. Yessir. +Yessir. Now, Wendell, did you inquire about the cylinder lock? +Now, Wendell, did you inquire about the cylinder lock? Yessir. It was punched out. +Yessir. It was punched out. Okay. +Okay. You gonna drive out there? +You gonna drive out there? No, that's the only thing I would've looked for. And it sounds like these boys died of natural causes. +No, that's the only thing I would've looked for. And it sounds like these boys died of natural causes. How's that, Sheriff? +How's that, Sheriff? Natural to the line of work they was in. +Natural to the line of work they was in. Yessir. +Yessir. My lord, Wendell, it's just all-out war. I don't know any other word for it. Who are these folks? I don't know... +...This month's checks. That DEA agent called again. You don't want to talk to him? +That DEA agent called again. You don't want to talk to him? I'm goin' to try and keep from it as much as I can. +I'm goin' to try and keep from it as much as I can. He's goin' back out there and he wanted to know if you wanted to go with him. +...Could I get you to call Loretta and tell her I've gone to Odessa? goin' to visit with Carla Jean Moss. Yes Sheriff. +Yes Sheriff. I'll call Loretta when I get there. I'd call now but she'll want me to come home and I just might. +I'll call Loretta when I get there. I'd call now but she'll want me to come home and I just might. You want me to wait til you've quit the building? +You want me to wait til you've quit the building? Yes I do. You don't want to lie without what it's absolutely necessary. +...What is it that Torbert says? About truth and justice? We dedicate ourselves daily anew. Something like that. +We dedicate ourselves daily anew. Something like that. I think I'm goin' to commence dedicatin' myself twice daily. It may come to three times before it's over... +I thought it was a car afire. It is a car afire. But Wendell said there was something back country too. +It is a car afire. But Wendell said there was something back country too. When is the county gonna start payin' a rental on my horse. +When is the county gonna start payin' a rental on my horse. Hyah! +...I love you more'n more, ever day. That's very nice. +...Be careful. I always am. +I always am. Don't get hurt. +Don't get hurt. I never do. +I never do. Don't hurt no one. +Don't hurt no one. Well. If you say so. +Maybe I'll go ridin. Okay. +Okay. What do you think. +What do you think. I can't plan your day. +I can't plan your day. I mean, would you care to join me. +I mean, would you care to join me. Lord no. I'm not retired. +...How'd you sleep? I don't know. Had dreams. +I don't know. Had dreams. Well you got time for 'em now. Anything interesting? +Well you got time for 'em now. Anything interesting? Well they always is to the party concerned. +Well they always is to the party concerned. Ed Tom, I'll be polite. +Ed Tom, I'll be polite. Okay. Two of 'em. Both had my father. It's peculiar. I'm older now'n he ever was by twenty years. So in a sense he's the younger man. Anyway, first one I don't remember so well but it was about meetin' him in town somewheres and he give me some money and I think I lost it. The second one, it was like we was both back in older times and I was on horseback goin' through the mountains of a night. +It ain't even three years we been married. Three years ago I said them very words. No and Good. +I got it Mama. I didn't see my Prednizone. +I didn't see my Prednizone. I put it in, Mama. +I put it in, Mama. Well I didn't see it. +Well I didn't see it. Well I put it in. That one. You just set there. I'll get tickets and a cart for the bags. +No. I ain't got the money. +I ain't got the money. No. +No. What little I had is long gone and they's bill aplenty to pay yet. I buried my mother today. I ain't paid for that neither. +What little I had is long gone and they's bill aplenty to pay yet. I buried my mother today. I ain't paid for that neither. I wouldn't worry about it. +I wouldn't worry about it. ...I need to sit down. +...You got no cause to hurt me. No. But I gave my word. +No. But I gave my word. You gave your word? +You gave your word? To your husband. +To your husband. That don't make sense. You gave your word to my husband to kill me? +That don't make sense. You gave your word to my husband to kill me? Your husband had the opportunity to remove you from harm's way. Instead, he used you to try to save himself. +Your husband had the opportunity to remove you from harm's way. Instead, he used you to try to save himself. Not like that. Not like you say. +Not like that. Not like you say. I don't say anything. Except it was foreseen. +I knowed you was crazy when I saw you settin' there. I knowed exactly what was in store for me. Yes. Things fall into place. +What's in the satchel? It's full a money. +It's full a money. That'll be the day. +...Where'd you get the pistol? At the gettin' place. +Did you buy that gun? No. I found it. +No. I found it. Llewelyn! +Llewelyn! What? Quit hollerin'. +What'd you give for that thing? You don't need to know everthing, Carla Jean. +You don't need to know everthing, Carla Jean. I need to know that. +I need to know that. You keep running that mouth I'm gonna take you in the back and screw you. +You keep running that mouth I'm gonna take you in the back and screw you. Big talk. +Big talk. Just keep it up. +Just keep it up. Fine. I don't wanna know. I don't even wanna know where you been all day. +Fine. I don't wanna know. I don't even wanna know where you been all day. That'll work. +Llewelyn. Yeah. +Yeah. What're you doin', baby? +What're you doin', baby? Goin' out. +Goin' out. Goin' where? +Goin' where? Somethin' I forgot to do. I'll be back. +Somethin' I forgot to do. I'll be back. What're you goin' to do? +...If I don't come back tell Mother I love her. Your mother's dead, Llewelyn. +Your mother's dead, Llewelyn. Well then I'll tell her myself. +Odessa. Why would we go to Odessa? +Why would we go to Odessa? Not we, you. Stay with your mother. +Not we, you. Stay with your mother. Well -- how come? +So... for how long do we have to... Baby, at what point would you quit botherin' to look for your two million dollars? +What'm I supposed to tell Mama? Try standin' in the door and hollerin: Mama I'm home. +Try standin' in the door and hollerin: Mama I'm home. Llewelyn -- +Llewelyn -- C'mon, pack your things. Anything you leave you ain't gonna see again. +Well thanks for fallin' all over and apologizing. Things happened. I can't take 'em back. +Why all the way to Del Rio? I'm gonna borrow a car. From Eldon. +You can't afford one? Don't wanna register it. I'll call you in a couple days. +Don't wanna register it. I'll call you in a couple days. Promise? +Promise? Yes I do. +Yes I do. I got a bad feelin', Llewelyn. +I got a bad feelin', Llewelyn. Well I got a good one. So they ought to even out. Quit worrying about everthing. +Well I got a good one. So they ought to even out. Quit worrying about everthing. Mama's gonna raise hell. +Mama's gonna raise hell. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. She is just gonna cuss you up'n down. +She is just gonna cuss you up'n down. You should be used to that. +You should be used to that. I'm used to lots of things, I work at Wal-Mart. +I'm used to lots of things, I work at Wal-Mart. Not any more, Carla Jean. You're retired. +Not any more, Carla Jean. You're retired. Llewelyn? +Llewelyn? Yes ma'am? +Yes ma'am? You are comin back, ain't ya? +You are comin back, ain't ya? I shall return. +Llewelyn? Hey. +Hey. What should I do? +What should I do? You know what's goin' on? +You know what's goin' on? I don't know, I had the sheriff here from Terrell County -- +I don't know, I had the sheriff here from Terrell County -- What did you tell him? +What did you tell him? What did I know to tell him. You're hurt, ain't you? +What did I know to tell him. You're hurt, ain't you? What makes you say that? +What makes you say that? I can hear it in your voice. +Llewelyn, I ain't gonna leave you in the lurch. No. This works better. With you gone and I don't have the money, he can't touch me. But I can sure touch him. After I find him I'll come and join you. +No. This works better. With you gone and I don't have the money, he can't touch me. But I can sure touch him. After I find him I'll come and join you. Find who? What am I supposed to do with Mother? +Find who? What am I supposed to do with Mother? She'll be all right. +She'll be all right. She'll be all right? +We don't have to do this. I'm a daytrader. I could just go home. Why would I let you do that? +Why would I let you do that? I know where the money is. +I know where the money is. If you knew, you would have it with you. +If you knew, you would have it with you. I need dark. To get it. I know where it is. +I need dark. To get it. I know where it is. I know something better. +I know something better. What's that. +What's that. I know where it's going to be. +I know where it's going to be. And where is that. +And where is that. It will be brought to me and placed at my feet. +You don't know to a certainty. Twenty minutes it could be here. I do know to a certainty. And you know what's going to happen now. You should admit your situation. There would be more dignity in it. +I do know to a certainty. And you know what's going to happen now. You should admit your situation. There would be more dignity in it. You go to hell. +Do you have any idea how goddamn crazy you are? You mean the nature of this conversation? +You mean the nature of this conversation? I mean the nature of you. +Yessir? I'm looking for Llewelyn Moss. +I'm looking for Llewelyn Moss. Did you go up to his trailer? +Did you go up to his trailer? Yes I did. +Yes I did. Well I'd say he's at work. Do you want to leave a message? +Well I'd say he's at work. Do you want to leave a message? Where does he work? +Where does he work? I can't say. +I can't say. Where does he work? +Where does he work? Sir I ain't at liberty to give out no information about our residents. +Where does he work? Did you not hear me? We can't give out no information. +Hello? Is Llewelyn there? +Is Llewelyn there? Llewelyn?! No he ain't. +Llewelyn?! No he ain't. You expect him? +What's this about? Step out of the car please, sir. +Huh? What is... I need you to step out of the car, sir. +Mm-hm. Screwgie. +...Where's the transponder? In the truck. I'll get it. +...You getting anything on this? Not a bleep. +Not a bleep. All right... +How'd you find it? No me mate. +Yeah, that'll suck some power. Over time. You from around here? +What airport would you use. Huh? Airport or airstrip? +Huh? Airport or airstrip? Airport. +Airport. Well -- where ya goin'? +Well -- where ya goin'? I don't know. +I don't know. Just lightin' out for the territories, huh. Brother, I been there... Well... +Who is this. You know who it is. +...You need to talk to me. I don't need to talk to you. +I don't need to talk to you. I think that you do. Do you know where I'm going? +I think that you do. Do you know where I'm going? Why would I care where you're going. +Why would I care where you're going. Do you know where I'm going? +...I know where you are. Yeah? Where am I? +Yeah? Where am I? You're in the hospital across the river. But that's not where I'm going. Do you know where I'm going? +You're in the hospital across the river. But that's not where I'm going. Do you know where I'm going? Yeah. I know where you're going. +Yeah. I know where you're going. All right. +All right. You know she won't be there. +You know she won't be there. It doesn't make any difference where she is. +It doesn't make any difference where she is. So what're you goin' up there for. +You know how this is going to turn out, don't you? No. Do you? +No. Do you? Yes, I do. I think you do too. So this is what I'll offer. You bring me the money and I'll let her go. Otherwise she's accountable. The same as you. That's the best deal you're going to get. I won't tell you you can save yourself because you can't. +Yes, I do. I think you do too. So this is what I'll offer. You bring me the money and I'll let her go. Otherwise she's accountable. The same as you. That's the best deal you're going to get. I won't tell you you can save yourself because you can't. Yeah I'm goin' to bring you somethin' all right. I've decided to make you a special project of mine. You ain't goin' to have to look for me at all. +...Me? Yes. +Yes. Nobody. Accounting. +He gave Acosta's people a receiver. He feels... he felt... the more people looking... +He feels... he felt... the more people looking... That's foolish. You pick the one right tool. +...For instance. I used birshot. So as not to blow the window. I see. +How much? Sixty-nine cent. +Sixty-nine cent. This. And the gas. +This. And the gas. Y'all getting any rain up your way? +Y'all getting any rain up your way? What way would that be? +What way would that be? I seen you was from Dallas. +What business is it of yours where I'm from, friendo? I didn't mean nothin' by it. +I didn't mean nothin' by it. Didn't mean nothin'. +Didn't mean nothin'. I was just passin' the time. +I was just passin' the time. I guess that passes for manners in your cracker view of things. +...Will there be somethin' else? I don't know. Will there? +Is somethin' wrong? With what? +With what? With anything? +With anything? Is that what you're asking me? Is there something wrong with anything? +Will there be anything else? You already asked me that. +You already asked me that. Well... I need to see about closin'. +Well... I need to see about closin'. See about closing. +See about closing. Yessir. +Yessir. What time do you close? +What time do you close? Now. We close now. +Now. We close now. Now is not a time. What time do you close. +Now is not a time. What time do you close. Generally around dark. At dark. +You don't know what you're talking about, do you? Sir? +Sir? I said you don't know what you're talking about. +...What time do you go to bed. Sir? +Sir? You're a bit deaf, aren't you? I said what time do you go to bed. +You're a bit deaf, aren't you? I said what time do you go to bed. Well... +...I'd say around nine-thirty. Somewhere around nine-thirty. I could come back then. +I could come back then. Why would you be comin' back? We'll be closed. +Why would you be comin' back? We'll be closed. You said that. +Well... I need to close now -- You live in that house behind the store? +You live in that house behind the store? Yes I do. +Yes I do. You've lived here all your life? +This was my wife's father's place. Originally. You married into it. +You married into it. We lived in Temple Texas for many years. Raised a family there. In Temple. We come out here about four years ago. +We lived in Temple Texas for many years. Raised a family there. In Temple. We come out here about four years ago. You married into it. +You married into it. ...If that's the way you wanna put it. +...If that's the way you wanna put it. I don't have some way to put it. That's the way it is. +...What's the most you've ever lost on a coin toss? Sir? +Sir? The most. You ever lost. On a coin toss. +The most. You ever lost. On a coin toss. I don't know. I couldn't say. +Call it. Call it? +Call it? Yes. +Yes. For what? +For what? Just call it. +Just call it. Well -- we need to know what it is we're callin' for here. +Well -- we need to know what it is we're callin' for here. You need to call it. I can't call it for you. It wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't even be right. +You need to call it. I can't call it for you. It wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't even be right. I didn't put nothin' up. +I didn't put nothin' up. Yes you did. You been putting it up your whole life. You just didn't know it. You know what date is on this coin? +Yes you did. You been putting it up your whole life. You just didn't know it. You know what date is on this coin? No. +No. Nineteen fifty-eight. It's been traveling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And it's either heads or tails, and you have to say. Call it. +Look... I got to know what I stand to win. Everything. +Everything. How's that? +How's that? You stand to win everything. Call it. +You stand to win everything. Call it. All right. Heads then. +...Don't put it in your pocket. Sir? +Sir? Don't put it in your pocket. It's your lucky quarter. +Don't put it in your pocket. It's your lucky quarter. ...Where you want me to put it? +...Where you want me to put it? Anywhere not in your pocket. Or it'll get mixed in with the others and become just a coin. Which it is. +Twelve gauge. You need shells? Moss looks the gun over. Uh-huh. Double ought. +Uh-huh. Double ought. They'll give you a wallop. +Tent poles. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. You already have the tent? +You already have the tent? Somethin' like that. +Somethin' like that. Well you give me the model number of the tent I can order you the poles. +Well you give me the model number of the tent I can order you the poles. Never mind. I want a tent. +Never mind. I want a tent. What kind of tent? +What kind of tent? The kind with the most poles. +The kind with the most poles. Well I guess that'd be our ten-foot backyard Per-Gola. You can stand up in it. Well, some people could stand up in it. Six foot clearance at the ridge. You might just could. +Well I guess that'd be our ten-foot backyard Per-Gola. You can stand up in it. Well, some people could stand up in it. Six foot clearance at the ridge. You might just could. Let me have that one. Where's the nearest hardware store? +One room, one night. That's twenty-six dollars. +That's twenty-six dollars. You on all night? +You on all night? Yessir, be here til ten tomorrow morning. +I'm waitin' to hear your description of that. There's somebody lookin' for me. Not police. Just call me if anyone else checks in tonight. +Good. I need everything else. Okay. +Okay. You get a lot of people come in here with no clothes on? +You get a lot of people come in here with no clothes on? No sir, it's unusual. +Don't stop. Just ride me up past the rooms. What room? +What room? Just drive me around. I want to see if someone's here. +...Keep going. Don't stop. I don't want to get in some kind of a jackpot here, buddy. +I don't want to get in some kind of a jackpot here, buddy. It's all right. +It's all right. Why don't I set you down here and we won't argue about it. +Why don't I set you down here and we won't argue about it. I want you to take me to another motel. +I want you to take me to another motel. Let's just call it square. +Yessir, that's correct. I know 'em when I see 'em. When did you last see him. +When did you last see him. November the 28th, last year. +November the 28th, last year. You seem pretty sure of the date. Did I ask you to sit? +You seem pretty sure of the date. Did I ask you to sit? No sir but you struck me as a man who wouldn't want to waste a chair. I remember dates. Names. Numbers. I saw him on November 28th. +We got a loose cannon here. And we're out a bunch of money, and the other party is out his product. Yessir. I understand that. +Yessir. If your expenses run higher I hope you'll trust us for it. +If your expenses run higher I hope you'll trust us for it. Okay. +Okay. How well do you know Chigurh. +How well do you know Chigurh. Well enough. +Well enough. That's not an answer. +That's not an answer. What do you want to know? +What do you want to know? I'd just like to know your opinion of him. In general. Just how dangerous is he? +He killed three men in a motel in Del Rio yesterday. And two others at that colossal goatfuck out in the desert. Okay. We can stop that. +Okay. We can stop that. You seem pretty sure of yourself. You've led something of a charmed life haven't you Mr. Wells? +...I'm wondering... Yes? +Yes? Can I get my parking ticket validated? +...An attempt at humor, I suppose. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Goodbye, Mr. Wells. +You tell me the option. The what? +The what? The option. +...You pick the option with the applicable rate. I'm just one person. Don't matter the size of the bed. +Could I get another room. You want to change rooms? +You want to change rooms? No, I want to keep my room, and get another one. +No, I want to keep my room, and get another one. Another additional. +Another additional. Uh-huh.You got a map of the rooms? +What about one forty-two. You can have the one next to yours if you want. One twenty. It ain't took. +You can have the one next to yours if you want. One twenty. It ain't took. No, one forty-two. +No, one forty-two. That's got two double beds. +That's me. I got beers in my room. +Waitin' for my wife. Oh. That's who you keep lookin' out the window for? +Oh. That's who you keep lookin' out the window for? Half. +Half. What else then? +What else then? Lookin' for what's comin'. +Lookin' for what's comin'. Yeah but no one ever sees that. I like a man that'll tell you he's married. +Yeah but no one ever sees that. I like a man that'll tell you he's married. Then you'll like me. +Then you'll like me. I do like you. +...Don't worry. I'm not the man that's after you. I know, I've seen him. Sort of. +...But that won't last. What is he supposed to be, the ultimate bad-ass? +What is he supposed to be, the ultimate bad-ass? I don't think that's how I would describe him. +I don't think that's how I would describe him. How would you describe him? +How would you describe him? I guess I'd say... that he doesn't have a sense of humor. His name is Chigurh. +I guess I'd say... that he doesn't have a sense of humor. His name is Chigurh. Sugar? +Sugar? Chigurh. Anton Chigurh. You know how he found you? +Chigurh. Anton Chigurh. You know how he found you? I know how he found me. +I know how he found me. It's called a transponder. +It's called a transponder. I know what it is. He won't find me again. +I know what it is. He won't find me again. Not that way. +Not that way. Not any way. +Not any way. Took me about three hours. +Took me about three hours. I been immobile. +I been immobile. No. You don't understand. +...What do you do? I'm retired. +I'm retired. What did you do? +What did you do? I'm a welder. +I'm a welder. Acetylene? Mig? Tig? +Acetylene? Mig? Tig? Any of it. If it can be welded I can weld it. +Any of it. If it can be welded I can weld it. Cast iron? +Cast iron? Yes. +Yes. I don't mean braze. +I don't mean braze. I didn't say braze. +I didn't say braze. Pot metal? +Pot metal? What did I say? +What did I say? Were you in Nam? +Were you in Nam? Yeah. I was in Nam. +Yeah. I was in Nam. So was I. +So was I. So what does that make me? Your buddy? +Look. You need to give me the money. I've got no other reason to protect you. Too late. I spent it -- about a million and a half on whores and whiskey and the rest of it I just sort of blew it in. +Why would he go to Odessa? To kill your wife. +Maybe he should be worried. About me. He isn't. You're not cut out for this. You're just a guy that happened to find those vehicles. +...You didn't take the product, did you? What product. +What product. The heroin. You don't have it. +The heroin. You don't have it. No I don't have it. +No I don't have it. No. You don't. +...I'm across the river. At the Hotel Eagle. Carson Wells. Call me when you've had enough. I can even let you keep a little of the money. If I was cuttin' deals, why wouldn't I go deal with this guy Chigurh? +If I was cuttin' deals, why wouldn't I go deal with this guy Chigurh? No no. No. You don't understand. You can't make a deal with him. Even if you gave him the money he'd still kill you. He's a peculiar man. You could even say that he has principles. Principles that transcend money or drugs or anything like that. He's not like you. He's not even like me. +No no. No. You don't understand. You can't make a deal with him. Even if you gave him the money he'd still kill you. He's a peculiar man. You could even say that he has principles. Principles that transcend money or drugs or anything like that. He's not like you. He's not even like me. He don't talk as much as you, I give him points for that. +Who do you think gets through this gate into the United States of America? I don't know. American citizens. +I don't know. American citizens. Some American citizens. Who do you think decides? +Some American citizens. Who do you think decides? You do, I reckon. +You do, I reckon. That is correct. And how do I decide? +That is correct. And how do I decide? I don't know. +I don't know. I ask questions. If I get sensible answers then they get to go to America. If I don't get sensible answers they don't. Is there anything about that that you don't understand? +I ask questions. If I get sensible answers then they get to go to America. If I don't get sensible answers they don't. Is there anything about that that you don't understand? No sir. +No sir. Then I ask you again how you come to be out here with no clothes. +Then I ask you again how you come to be out here with no clothes. I got an overcoat on. +I got an overcoat on. Are you jackin' with me? +Are you jackin' with me? No sir. +No sir. Don't jack with me. +Don't jack with me. Yes sir. +Yes sir. Are you in the service? +Are you in the service? No sir. I'm a veteran. +No sir. I'm a veteran. Nam? +Nam? Yes sir. Two tours. +Yes sir. Two tours. What outfit. +What outfit. Twelfth Infantry Batallion. August seventh nineteen and sixty-six to July second nineteen and sixty-eight. +How is she? She's in a kind of shock. I see all the signs of a post-traumatic reaction with possible dissociative symptoms. +She's in a kind of shock. I see all the signs of a post-traumatic reaction with possible dissociative symptoms. Could I have that in American? +Could I have that in American? It's a type of altered state... it allows a traumatized person to continue functioning. +It's a type of altered state... it allows a traumatized person to continue functioning. So she did witness it? +Sorry you had to see that. You were saying? I was saying that it seems probable that she witnessed the murder, but her memory of it is gone, at least for the time being. I also think you ought to have her stay with someone tonight. Any idea who Chloe or Lonnie are? +I was saying that it seems probable that she witnessed the murder, but her memory of it is gone, at least for the time being. I also think you ought to have her stay with someone tonight. Any idea who Chloe or Lonnie are? No... Friends from the diner maybe? +No... Friends from the diner maybe? Well, you should find out. She keeps talking about them... +Hey, Sheriff. How's everything? Oh, you know, the usual... keeping the world safe. +Oh, you know, the usual... keeping the world safe. ...I meant your food. +...I meant your food. Oh, right... 's fine. Thanks. +I'm in a motel. Has something happened to Del? Did he do something stupid? BETTY, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU... IN PERSON! WHERE'RE YOU AT? +BETTY, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU... IN PERSON! WHERE'RE YOU AT? IF THIS IS ABOUT DEL, FORGET IT! I'M NOT COMING BACK! +IF THIS IS ABOUT DEL, FORGET IT! I'M NOT COMING BACK! GODAMMIT, BETTY!... WHO'S CHLOE? +GODAMMIT, BETTY!... WHO'S CHLOE? I'M THROUGH TALKING NOW! GOODBYE! +Sheriff, I don't... C'mon, Betty, open up! I got some questions for you about... +"Yeah, it was great. Really put the whole idea of ""church bake sales"" in perspective..." You know, Elden, some people actually read more than just the Classifieds... +You know, Elden, some people actually read more than just the Classifieds... Why don't you go back to doing something you're good at... like that Lonelyhearts column? I'll take a refill there, Betty... +I thought you said the eggs weren't... It's fine. Mind your own meal... +It's fine. Mind your own meal... You should get the order you want. +You should get the order you want. And you should keep your nose out of another man's omelette... It's no big deal, Betty. +Why you always gotta embarrass me? I been eating lunch with you since grade school and you always gotta embarrass me! They're just eggs, Elden, how embarrassing can eggs be? +They're just eggs, Elden, how embarrassing can eggs be? ...plenty +...plenty Who eats eggs for lunch, anyhow? +Who eats eggs for lunch, anyhow? Mind your own business. You just said that shit so you could look at her a little longer, anyway... +Okay, let's go... I got nothing for the record yet. Oww! My arm, careful! +Oww! My arm, careful! Ahh, what'd you do now... fall off your bike again? +Ahh, what'd you do now... fall off your bike again? No, it's nothing, I... my piranha just mauled me a little when I layed their food out. +No, it's nothing, I... my piranha just mauled me a little when I layed their food out. Good God... they're meat eaters, Roy, just drop the shit in there! +Good God... they're meat eaters, Roy, just drop the shit in there! I can't... they prefer a more formal presentation. I don't usually go so close to the surface, but I was... +I can't... they prefer a more formal presentation. I don't usually go so close to the surface, but I was... ...you are so goddamn weird. Oh, and by the way, get the hell outta here! +...you are so goddamn weird. Oh, and by the way, get the hell outta here! No, Elden, I need to... +No, Elden, I need to... You need to get yourself gone from my crime scene. And leave Betty alone, she's... +You need to get yourself gone from my crime scene. And leave Betty alone, she's... She knows who killed Del. Elden, she said it was a woman. +She knows who killed Del. Elden, she said it was a woman. It wasn't a woman. +It wasn't a woman. Yes it was. Betty saw the whole thing! Your killer's name is Chloe... +Yes it was. Betty saw the whole thing! Your killer's name is Chloe... I'm tellin' you it wasn't no woman, Roy! +Jesus... You think a woman did that?! +So, you think you're gonna find his scalp hanging in some tepee? They no longer live in tepees, Mr. College Graduate. +They no longer live in tepees, Mr. College Graduate. Did you send anyone out there? +Did you send anyone out there? You bet I did. I got a squad car on the way to the reservation right now. +You bet I did. I got a squad car on the way to the reservation right now. Bad idea... +Bad idea... You just go write your little story, Roy. I'll handle the police work... +You just go write your little story, Roy. I'll handle the police work... You better handle what's in this garbage can first. +I questioned Joyce about all this... Yeah? +Yeah? Seems she was pretty familiar with 'ol Del. On a regular basis, if you get my drift... +Seems she was pretty familiar with 'ol Del. On a regular basis, if you get my drift... ...and half the other guys in this town. Including you, I believe... +...and half the other guys in this town. Including you, I believe... Junior year! +Junior year! Anyway, so what? +Anyway, so what? So? ...Suppose Betty found out about them? +So? ...Suppose Betty found out about them? You said a woman couldn't have done it. +You said a woman couldn't have done it. A woman can write a check. +A woman can write a check. So you're saying Betty Sizemore -- our Betty Sizemore -- who you were in swing choir with -- has now hired somebody to scalp her husband in her own kitchen while she watched? You're amazing. +So you're saying Betty Sizemore -- our Betty Sizemore -- who you were in swing choir with -- has now hired somebody to scalp her husband in her own kitchen while she watched? You're amazing. 'S just a theory... just 'cause I'm thinking it don't mean I like it. +Oh, you're sharp as a tack, Elden. That's it! YOU'RE GONE! +Oww, the arm, the arm! You just don't know when to quit, Roy! You were jealous of me when I got hall monitor in seventh grade, and you're still jealous now!!! +You just don't know when to quit, Roy! You were jealous of me when I got hall monitor in seventh grade, and you're still jealous now!!! One question, Doctor, please! You can't do this! I'm the press, I have rights!! +One question, Doctor, please! You can't do this! I'm the press, I have rights!! That's right, you have the right to remain silent. +What if the killers didn't see her? You published her picture -- you're gonna get her killed! No, we're bringing the community into the effort to find her. +No, we're bringing the community into the effort to find her. You're lying! +You're lying! I spoke to Betty Sizemore yesterday. That's right. There's no doubt in my mind, folks... she's on the run. Whether or not she's mixed up in all this remains to be seen... +I spoke to Betty Sizemore yesterday. That's right. There's no doubt in my mind, folks... she's on the run. Whether or not she's mixed up in all this remains to be seen... That's bullshit, Sheriff! You think she's a suspect! +That's bullshit, Sheriff! You think she's a suspect! I'd like to apologize for our local boy. He's been in love with Betty since the fifth grade, y'see. He means well, but he's in over his head on this. +What the hell do you want?... Hey, Sue Ann, what's up? We think we know where Betty is. +We think we know where Betty is. Ah, shit... Do I have to hear this now? +I see you're sticking to the diet Betty put you on... Worry about your own goddamn lunch! +Worry about your own goddamn lunch! Tell him what you told me. +Why do I need to see this? Did he ask you to...? Listen! I saw 'Chloe' and 'Lonnie' on T.V. They're television characters. +Yeah? Well, she called Sue Ann yesterday from Arizona. She said she was in Arizona, did she? +Come on, Elden, think about it. The driver, all them trunks standing open like that... something's going on here! I know that... +I know that... Well, do something, then, damnit! +Well, do something, then, damnit! You watch your mouth when you're in a goddamn county vehicle... You don't think I see what's going on? Del, now this Cooley fella, both of 'em mixed up with Joyce... 'S not no conspiracy, not some episode off the X-Files... 's just a crime of passion, plain and simple. Betty's on some kind'a pre-minstral rampage, that's what is going on here. +Oww... Did you have to make these things so tight? No, I didn't have to. +Elden, let me out of here. Now! This is ridiculous, I need medical attention! That's a nice name for what you need... +That's a nice name for what you need... Come on, I have to get this dressing off... it itches! And what about my fish? Who is taking care of them? +Just shut up a second and listen... That, uh... that bar in Arizona? Where you said Betty was? What about it? +What about it? Any idea where it is? +Any idea where it is? "Little place called ""Williams,"" why?" +"Little place called ""Williams,"" why?" I just got something off the wire. The woman who owns it was murdered last night. Now, I'm not saying I agree with you or nothing, but... what else do you know? +I just got something off the wire. The woman who owns it was murdered last night. Now, I'm not saying I agree with you or nothing, but... what else do you know? I know plenty. +That's a lie! I figured it out! I've been trying to tell this dumbass -- Fuck you, Roy Ostrey! +Fuck you, Roy Ostrey! -- small-time, pissant, Barney Fife -- +We're in a shootout, Roy! Shut up about the damn fish! YOU shut up! They're beautiful, but get them some water. +We need ammo... Go check his jacket, I'll cover you. I'm not going out there! Let's wait for the real police... +I'm not going out there! Let's wait for the real police... You gotta go, we're pinned down! +You wanna see if he has more shells, go ahead. I say we wait... No, no, no... you don't know shit about procedure! You don't send your best... +No, no, no... you don't know shit about procedure! You don't send your best... I've got the working gun, Elden, me! You wasted all your bullets so you crawl out there. +Uhh, no, we haven't picked a date yet... well, once he dumps her we will. He's out pricing banners... I don't expect him back. """Banners?""" +"""Banners?""" "You know, flags and shit... he said ""for a livelier look"" or something." +Need something else? No, I was just... How you doing? +No, I was just... How you doing? Great. Good. Content... +Great. Good. Content... Oh. How come? +Oh. How come? I dunno. Job satisfaction, I guess... How's things at the Tip Top? +I dunno. Job satisfaction, I guess... How's things at the Tip Top? They're fine... you miss it? +They're fine... you miss it? You must be joking. +You must be joking. Hmm. So, Del get that car he sold you up and running yet? +Hmm. So, Del get that car he sold you up and running yet? Oh, yeah, he's got things up and running, alright... +Oh, yeah, he's got things up and running, alright... 'Kay, good. Bye, then... +'Kay, good. Bye, then... Uh-huh. Anyway, I'm thinking Easter, 'cause I just fucking love pastels. +Who are these idiots? This is Roy Ostrey, he's a reporter. And this is Sheriff Ballard. We all went to Fair Oaks High together... +This is Roy Ostrey, he's a reporter. And this is Sheriff Ballard. We all went to Fair Oaks High together... Oh, this is wonderful... +...I s'pose you did that so I could take my sweater off or something. No, just stand there... lemme look at you a minute. +Do you know who I am? ...I... I know what you are. +...I... I know what you are. Do you know why I'm here? +Do you know why I'm here? I've got a pretty good idea. You're here to kill me, so kill me. You want me to be afraid, but I'm not. I don't care who you are, or why you two killed my husband... +You really... didn't have anything to do with what Del was doing, did you? I have no idea what he was mixed up in... it was always something. +I have no idea what he was mixed up in... it was always something. So you weren't involved with him in his pathetic attempt to diversify? Were you mixed up in the drugs, Betty? +So you weren't involved with him in his pathetic attempt to diversify? Were you mixed up in the drugs, Betty? Drugs? God, no! I'm totally against drugs. +Drugs? God, no! I'm totally against drugs. Damn, life is strange. I had you figured for this cold-blooded, calculating bitch -- Not that I didn't admire you for it. +...well, if you're not going to slit my throat, why'd you come up here? ...to see you. +...I never meet people like you. I'm a garbageman of the human condition. I deal with trash, mostly, people willing to trade any part of themselves for a few more minutes of their rotten lives. But you... you're different. I am? +I am? Sure. You could probably have any thing you wanted... somebody as beautiful and stylish as yourself, and you don't even realize it. +I'm appreciably older than you, but my health is good. I take care of myself, and I got some money socked away. You'd never have to work again, that's for sure. I'd treat you like a queen. Umm, I don't think that... +Umm, I don't think that... Wait. Let me get this out. I like the symphony, walks in the rain, sunsets, animals and children. I read passionately, and I like to discuss things. I'm basically conservative, but flexible. I've been involved in the death of thirty- two people, but I can live with that because the world is lighter by thirty- two pieces of shit, excuse my language. +Wait. Let me get this out. I like the symphony, walks in the rain, sunsets, animals and children. I read passionately, and I like to discuss things. I'm basically conservative, but flexible. I've been involved in the death of thirty- two people, but I can live with that because the world is lighter by thirty- two pieces of shit, excuse my language. """Thirty-two?""" +"""Thirty-two?""" Well, thirty-three, but I'm not counting Del, on account of you... so, what do you think? You probably feel I'm flattering myself to see us together. +Well, thirty-three, but I'm not counting Del, on account of you... so, what do you think? You probably feel I'm flattering myself to see us together. I don't feel that, no. I just... I'm not really who you think I am. +I don't feel that, no. I just... I'm not really who you think I am. "No one is, honey. Here, listen to this... ""If who I am and who I hope to be should meet one day, I know they will be friends."" Now that's beautiful." +I wrote that when I was twelve... where'd you get that?! I know. I borrowed it from your grandparents because I... I... it doesn't matter. Don't worry, they're fine... Look, I used to feel that same way, said practically those same words, sitting at night in a foxhole in Korea... I've chased you across the country, Betty, and I come to find out we're a lot more alike than you'd think. +I know. I borrowed it from your grandparents because I... I... it doesn't matter. Don't worry, they're fine... Look, I used to feel that same way, said practically those same words, sitting at night in a foxhole in Korea... I've chased you across the country, Betty, and I come to find out we're a lot more alike than you'd think. I thought you were a garbageman of humanity, or something. +I thought you were a garbageman of humanity, or something. Yes, but I'd sort of like to put that behind me now... +That's my son! My son is dead! I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. You're sorry? YOU'RE THE REASON WE'RE HERE! +You're sorry? YOU'RE THE REASON WE'RE HERE! WAIT A SECOND! I AM NOT THE REASON YOU'RE HERE! I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, LIVING A PERFECTLY BORING LIFE UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG! +If we went out that window right now we'd have a chance... I better go check on them. +I better go check on them. Wait, Betty... you still haven't answered me. +Wait, Betty... you still haven't answered me. This is really awkward... +Ahh, it's too late, anyway. It's too late. Listen, I could shoot my way out, maybe take one of them with me... If you'd gimme my gun back. I'd rather not... +I'd rather not... Betty, I don't wanna shrivel up alone in some stinking prison. No way. I've got some professional pride. And I don't want anybody else to get the credit for taking me out. +Betty, I don't wanna shrivel up alone in some stinking prison. No way. I've got some professional pride. And I don't want anybody else to get the credit for taking me out. ...what're you saying? +...what're you saying? When a Roman general knew a battle was lost, he'd throw himself on his sword. +Did... did you really come here because you love this guy? Yes... Not the actor, though, the doctor. I think. +So all this... really was because of that soap opera? My son is dead because you came out here to be with that doctor? A fake doctor? I wouldn't have put it quite that way, but... +I wouldn't have put it quite that way, but... Wesley didn't even want to come up here. He warned me, but I insisted... I have to ask you, Betty...are you crazy? +Wesley didn't even want to come up here. He warned me, but I insisted... I have to ask you, Betty...are you crazy? I don't think I am. +Of course, I don't know every doctor who works here... Dr. Ravell's the finest surgeon on the staff. You must know him. He's incredibly handsome, gentle, considerate. He's being sued for sexual assault right now, but -- It's not true. He was set up. +Dr. Ravell's the finest surgeon on the staff. You must know him. He's incredibly handsome, gentle, considerate. He's being sued for sexual assault right now, but -- It's not true. He was set up. Well, I certainly would have heard about that. +Well, I certainly would have heard about that. Of course, he's only here two days a week. He's also on staff over at Loma Vista. +Of course, he's only here two days a week. He's also on staff over at Loma Vista. ...I don't think I know that hospital. +...I don't think I know that hospital. It's in a very pretty area that gets a lot of sun, has palm trees out front, mountains in the background... +It's in a very pretty area that gets a lot of sun, has palm trees out front, mountains in the background... Really? You've just described all of Southern California. +What you did yesterday was reckless at best. You are not an employee of this hospital! If that boy dies I don't even want to think of the lawsuit that'll follow. Are we communicating here? Yes, ma'am. +Yes, ma'am. Good. I'm prepared to offer you a job. You can help out in the pharmacy until your California certification and references arrive, but you are not to touch anyone. Is that totally clear? Fine... +You can start tomorrow. And don't say a word about this to anyone. Is that issue? Umm... yes. Back home. +Umm... yes. Back home. Alright. Oh, and one more thing about what you did yesterday... Well done. +Did you watch it yet? Sure did. I'll tell you, if that man was any better looking it'd be a crime 'a some sort... +Sure did. I'll tell you, if that man was any better looking it'd be a crime 'a some sort... Yep. Hey, I got a surprise for tonight. We're going to the Starlite in style! +Yep. Hey, I got a surprise for tonight. We're going to the Starlite in style! Oh, Betty -- +Oh, Betty -- I'll give you a hint. If you scrunch up your eyes a bit it looks just like a Jaguar... +I'll give you a hint. If you scrunch up your eyes a bit it looks just like a Jaguar... Honey, I'm really sorry, I was gonna call you about tonight. Larry's got a lodge meeting. There's no way I can get a sitter this fast. +Honey, I'm really sorry, I was gonna call you about tonight. Larry's got a lodge meeting. There's no way I can get a sitter this fast. No... what about your sister? +No... what about your sister? I can't ask her again -- Nathan, stop it! Jesse, don't take that, hit back! -- I feel terrible, hon. +It's all right. You sure? Maybe next week we could... +You sure? Maybe next week we could... Uh-huh. No, we'll do it later. 'S only a birthday, right? I'll have another one next year... +Aahhh... So what color is it? What? +What? The LeSabre! +The LeSabre! Maroon. I stole it. +Maroon. I stole it. What? +What? He wasn't going to let us use it, so I just took it. +He wasn't going to let us use it, so I just took it. Oh, I wish we could just get in it and drive, and drive, and drive! +Oh, I wish we could just get in it and drive, and drive, and drive! Yeah, me too. +Yeah, me too. Sorry, hon. Happy Birthday... +Sorry, hon. Happy Birthday... I gotta go make dinner. +Let me know if you need anything, okay? Are you and Larry happy? +Are you and Larry happy? Oh, I dunno... enough, I s'pose. +Oh, I dunno... enough, I s'pose. Then you should treasure that... you gotta hold on to whatever you got that's any good, even if it's only a little bit. +Then you should treasure that... you gotta hold on to whatever you got that's any good, even if it's only a little bit. All you been through... I ever tell you what a good friend you are? +All you been through... I ever tell you what a good friend you are? All the time... +All the time... Well, you are. +Something bad happened to Del and me, didn't it? Yeah, hon. Real bad. You just get some sleep, everything's gonna be fine. +Yeah, hon. Real bad. You just get some sleep, everything's gonna be fine. Sue Ann, I'm sorry about all this, but I just know there's something special out there for me... +Halfway where? You've gotta come home. We've been worried sick about you. Are you alright? Sue Ann, I thought you of all people would back me up on this, you know what Del's like. How did he take my note? +Sue Ann, I thought you of all people would back me up on this, you know what Del's like. How did he take my note? Betty, honey, listen to me. A man came by from Mutual Life Insurance. He says you've got money comin' to you from Del's policy. Del's life insurance policy -- Are you with me? +Betty, honey, listen to me. A man came by from Mutual Life Insurance. He says you've got money comin' to you from Del's policy. Del's life insurance policy -- Are you with me? What are you talking about? +Tell Del I'm sorry. I left so quick, but I need to do this. Do what? +Do what? I gotta go. +I gotta go. Betty! Listen to me! Del is ... +...of course you do. You don't remember me? I take it I should. I'm sorry. +I take it I should. I'm sorry. We were engaged. +I beg your pardon? But I'm the one who's sorry. Letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life. We were thirteen days away from getting married and... I just got scared. It's a mistake I've had to live with for six years. But it's behind me now... And I hope you can put it behind you. I've missed you... David. +That's very kind of you. The day I left you I just drove and drove. I drove all day and all that night, and I didn't go anywhere. I just kept driving. I stopped at a little country church, and the pastor let me in, and I sat -- +Oh, you mean Fred. No, Del. +No, Del. Right, Del. Del was one hot salesman. Of cars. He could talk anyone into anything. +Right, Del. Del was one hot salesman. Of cars. He could talk anyone into anything. You knew Del?! +You knew Del?! Honey, I didn't want to tell you at the time, but Del and I go way back. We went to school together. In fact, he saved my life. Two more minutes in that icy water and I would have drowned. But Del jumped in and grabbed me. We fell out of touch eventually, but I still owe him one. +Honey, I didn't want to tell you at the time, but Del and I go way back. We went to school together. In fact, he saved my life. Two more minutes in that icy water and I would have drowned. But Del jumped in and grabbed me. We fell out of touch eventually, but I still owe him one. He never told me anything about... that's unbelievable! +I tried to tell myself it was for the best, that there was a reason behind it. But... Del? There was no plan! I was just young and stupid and scared! +There was no plan! I was just young and stupid and scared! You never gave us a chance... +You never gave us a chance... I know that. I can't tell you how many times I've said that to myself in those exact words. +Why do they keep calling you George? I don't know. Why do you keep calling me George? +I guess we all did. You know, I didn't marry Leslie because I loved her. I married her to forget you... Oh, David... I'm sorry I caused you that much pain. +Oh my God! What's Lonnie doing here? You're late, Eric. +Lyla's very nice. Yes, she is. +Yes, she is. She told me I was charming and relentless, and would go far in this town. And she said that unlike the other charming, relentless people she knew, she liked me. +She told me I was charming and relentless, and would go far in this town. And she said that unlike the other charming, relentless people she knew, she liked me. She's a good person to know. So where did you study again? +She's a good person to know. So where did you study again? Carleton School of Nursing. Two semesters, but Del made me give it up... +Carleton School of Nursing. Two semesters, but Del made me give it up... Alright, okay... I think you broke the record for staying in character about three hours ago. +Alright, okay... I think you broke the record for staying in character about three hours ago. You told me that two hours ago. +I haven't been this happy since I was twelve years old. What happened when you were twelve? +What happened when you were twelve? "For Mother's Day, I used all my allowance that I'd been saving to take my mother to Kansas City. We got our nails done and had lunch at ""Skies,"" a restaurant at the top of a building from where you can see the whole city. It was the last outing we took together. She died the following year." +"For Mother's Day, I used all my allowance that I'd been saving to take my mother to Kansas City. We got our nails done and had lunch at ""Skies,"" a restaurant at the top of a building from where you can see the whole city. It was the last outing we took together. She died the following year." Wow... You just gave me goosebumps, you know that? You make it all sound so real. Great improv... +Wow... You just gave me goosebumps, you know that? You make it all sound so real. Great improv... I just want everything to be perfect between us. +I just want everything to be perfect between us. I know. Listen, we need to take a time out here. Can we talk seriously for a minute? +I know. Listen, we need to take a time out here. Can we talk seriously for a minute? Of course. +Of course. At last! I know how much you want this. You're gifted and extremely determined, but... it's not up to me. +At last! I know how much you want this. You're gifted and extremely determined, but... it's not up to me. I know. It's up to us. +I don't think your friend likes me. She's a little jealous, I think. And confused when it comes to men... So where are we going? +She's a little jealous, I think. And confused when it comes to men... So where are we going? Well, first I thought Patina, and then the Ivy, but then I thought of somewhere a little more romantic. Like my place. +You never mentioned a 'Stella' to me. Didn't I? +Didn't I? No, I would have remembered that name. The only Stella I ever knew was a parrot. Was this before Leslie? Before us?... +I've never met anyone like you, Betty. I know, that's why we were meant to be together... +I know, that's why we were meant to be together... No, I mean your dedication scares me... +No, I mean your dedication scares me... It's easy to be dedicated, when you care about something... +It's easy to be dedicated, when you care about something... "Yeah, I felt that way, too, when I first started, but now... the hours, the repetition... it's not all glamour and mall openings anymore. Maybe I should've listened to my people and tried to make the crossover to nights earlier, I don't know... ...I just hope it's not too late for me. God! Listen to me, ""Me, me, me."" It's so easy to get caught up in the whole ego cycle of this business and make it all about yourself. Stop, right? That's it, no more about me tonight, I promise... Let's talk about you... what do you think about me? I'm kidding... Seriously, Betty, I'm doing all the talking here..." +"Yeah, I felt that way, too, when I first started, but now... the hours, the repetition... it's not all glamour and mall openings anymore. Maybe I should've listened to my people and tried to make the crossover to nights earlier, I don't know... ...I just hope it's not too late for me. God! Listen to me, ""Me, me, me."" It's so easy to get caught up in the whole ego cycle of this business and make it all about yourself. Stop, right? That's it, no more about me tonight, I promise... Let's talk about you... what do you think about me? I'm kidding... Seriously, Betty, I'm doing all the talking here..." ...but I love listening to you, so that's okay... +...but I love listening to you, so that's okay... Thanks. But I'd like to hear what you're feeling... +Thanks. But I'd like to hear what you're feeling... Well, I just feel that life'll be much sweeter for you now with me around. I promise... +Well, I just feel that life'll be much sweeter for you now with me around. I promise... You know, I almost believe that... you're like a warm breeze that's suddenly blown into my life... I said that to Leslie, once, at her funeral, remember?... +You know, I almost believe that... you're like a warm breeze that's suddenly blown into my life... I said that to Leslie, once, at her funeral, remember?... I remember. You said it to her, but it was meant for me, wasn't it? +I remember. You said it to her, but it was meant for me, wasn't it? Yes... maybe it was. +Your lines are in the script, but you can ad lib. Ad lib? +Ad lib? In fact, I want you to ad lib, that's the magic I'm after. I wanna give a whole new feel to the show. +David, I don't... Can we talk privately for a second? Stop calling me David. We're on set, for Christ's sake, you don't have to call me David here. +Why are you doing this to me? Why am I doing this to you? Isn't this what you wanted? +Well, I don't know what you had in mind, but I hope you're happy. I put myself on the line for you, my reputation, and you're making me look like an idiot. What do you mean? What did I do to you... +What do you mean? What did I do to you... Who put you up to this? Did my ex- wife ask you to...? +Who put you up to this? Did my ex- wife ask you to...? David, please -- +David, please -- STOP CALLING ME THAT! MY NAME IS NOT DAVID, AND IF YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, YOU'RE MORE FUCKED UP THAN I THOUGHT YOU WERE! +I'm sorry... Oh my gosh, are you George McCord?! ...What? What did you call me? George... McCord. You're my favorite actor on... +But I'm David... I mean, I'm not David, but she thinks I am! You heard her... Stop staring at me... I'm not crazy, she is! Why are you screaming at me? I mean, what am I... why am I here? I don't... +Why are you screaming at me? I mean, what am I... why am I here? I don't... You're doing this now? After all the... are you sick? Are you going to kill me now? +You're doing this now? After all the... are you sick? Are you going to kill me now? No, I... I'll leave. Forgive me if I caused you all any trouble... I just, I don't know how I... ...I'm sorry. +Oh. Of course... sorry. My treat. You were saying... something about how stupid you've been? +My treat. You were saying... something about how stupid you've been? Right... I was. I was an idiot, plain and simple, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. How's that? +Right... I was. I was an idiot, plain and simple, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. How's that? Kinda like you'd been saying it since you got on the plane... +Kinda like you'd been saying it since you got on the plane... I have... did it sound that bad? +I have... did it sound that bad? Mmm-hmm. Listen, I forgive you, Mr. McCord... +Mmm-hmm. Listen, I forgive you, Mr. McCord... George... +George... ...George. I do. My best friend once said if you were any handsomer it would be a crime... +...George. I do. My best friend once said if you were any handsomer it would be a crime... Thanks... +Thanks... ...it's too bad you're such an asshole. 'S the only thing that Del was ever right about. +So, call me when you -- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on a second there, baby. Why do you need one of the new Buicks? +Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on a second there, baby. Why do you need one of the new Buicks? Oh, you're there. You sound out of breath. +Oh, you're there. You sound out of breath. I ran back in to get the phone. +I don't need one, but it's kind of a special night, and -- What's so special about it? +What was that? Nothing... it's, ahh, busy here. Look, you don't need a LeSabre to go out with Sue Ann. Take the blue Corsica. I'll see you when I get home. +Sure you don't want any salad? No, I do not want any goddamn... what was all that shit on the phone about the new Buicks? +No, I do not want any goddamn... what was all that shit on the phone about the new Buicks? I told you. Sue Ann was gonna take me out tonight, but... +I told you. Sue Ann was gonna take me out tonight, but... She's not comfortable in a Corsica? 'S got air and leather... +She's not comfortable in a Corsica? 'S got air and leather... I took the blue Corsica, Del. Relax. +I took the blue Corsica, Del. Relax. All right, then. Actually, I'm glad you're going out. I got something going on tonight. Some serious clients, with real potential. +...like the water purifiers? What? +What? Or the vitamins? Or the...? +Hey, the FDA screwed me on that when they changed the law, and you know it! Anyway, 'least I try shit, still got some dreams left... you're a goddamn waitress, what do you got? I got you, Del... +I got you, Del... ...well, then you ain't got much. +...well, then you ain't got much. Oh, I know. So, who're these clients? +Oh, I know. So, who're these clients? Couple 'a guys in from outta town. They want to see the new LeSabres. +And I don't need Sue Ann's fat ass around to fuck it up... Just knock it off, 'kay? Anyhow, they're 97's, they're not even new. +Just knock it off, 'kay? Anyhow, they're 97's, they're not even new. They're new to us... +It's people with no lives watching other people's fake lives. Yeah, I guess there's nothing like watching those tenpins fall, huh, Del? +Yeah, I guess there's nothing like watching those tenpins fall, huh, Del? That is a skill! +Well, are you gonna answer me? What'd you come here for? I came for love... +I came for love... You're not on that soap opera thing again, are you? 'Cause you know what that is? +You're not on that soap opera thing again, are you? 'Cause you know what that is? It's people with no lives watching other people's fake lives. +It's people with no lives watching other people's fake lives. That's right. So, if you know it, why are you in trouble? +That's right. So, if you know it, why are you in trouble? I don't know. +I don't know. You sure don't. Who do you think you are coming to Hollywood, anyway? You should remember where you came from. And who you really are. +Hi, Betty. You're looking good... Thanks, Roy, you're sweet... a big liar, but sweet. I liked your editorial this morning... +Thanks, Roy, you're sweet... a big liar, but sweet. I liked your editorial this morning... Oh, appreciate it. I was trying to, ahh, give a sense of history to... +Hey, Betty. Are you okay? I'm great, good, content. What happened to your arm, Roy? +I'm great, good, content. What happened to your arm, Roy? Oh, nothing, it's fine. I just need to keep it wrapped for a few... +Oh, nothing, it's fine. I just need to keep it wrapped for a few... Make sure it's elevated... +Make sure it's elevated... Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. You want me to make you a sling? It's no problem... +What're you doing here, Roy? Well, I was worried about you and I wanted to make sure you were alright... and I guess I was sort of hoping I could ask you about what happened... +Well, I was worried about you and I wanted to make sure you were alright... and I guess I was sort of hoping I could ask you about what happened... Oh, that... Sure, I saw the whole thing. It was disgusting! +Oh, that... Sure, I saw the whole thing. It was disgusting! My God... did you get a look at who did it? +My God... did you get a look at who did it? Yes. +Yes. You did? Was it anyone that you...? +You did? Was it anyone that you...? It was Chloe... +Betty! Boy, am I glad to see you! Roy! What are you doing here? +Roy! What are you doing here? You're in serious danger! +You're in serious danger! Ahh, look, right now's not very... +Ahh, look, right now's not very... I woulda' been here sooner, but Ballard put me in jail. He still thinks you had Del scalped. +Have you checked the trunk of that car you're driving, Betty? I think there might be... It's not really a good time, guys... +What's the matter here? I begged him to let me put that on! +I begged him to let me put that on! He's a prick. Merle?... You're a prick. +"So you're into ""Reason,"" too? Finally, someone civilized! I'm Ellen, what can I get you?" Hi, I'm Betty. I'll take a Miller, if you got it... +Shut up, Merle... Williams. Williams, Arizona. About halfway there, I guess. +If that little weasel ever walked in here I wouldn't serve him. I'd slap his face. +I'd slap his face. I'd kick him in the nuts, if I thought he had any. +Where you headed, Betty? Los Angeles, California. +Los Angeles, California. And you called your friend, and she's telling you not to go? When I went to Europe my friends told me I was crazy. +And you called your friend, and she's telling you not to go? When I went to Europe my friends told me I was crazy. Europe? The Europe? This is my first time out of Kansas. +Europe? The Europe? This is my first time out of Kansas. "I should call you Dorothy. When I left here I went straight to Italy. Everybody told me not to go. But I wanted to go to Rome ever since I saw Audrey Hepburn in ""Roman Holiday,"" and goddamnit, I went." +"I should call you Dorothy. When I left here I went straight to Italy. Everybody told me not to go. But I wanted to go to Rome ever since I saw Audrey Hepburn in ""Roman Holiday,"" and goddamnit, I went." Did you love it? +Did you love it? Sure I loved it! It was great. +Let me tell you something. I got groped by these Tunisian guys who thought I was a slut for wearing shorts, it was hotter than stink the whole time, and I got some kind of weird gum disease from the water. Plus, it ended my marriage -- That's horrible! +That's horrible! No, he was a toad. Even more of a toad than Merle... I just wear the ring to keep the flies away. Rome was the best thing I ever did, because I DID IT! And I swear to you, it changed me. I've been to Rome, Italy! I sat every morning at the Cafe Sistina and had my cappuccino, and watched the pilgrims walk to mass, and no one can ever take that away from me. +I left my husband two days ago. Really? +Really? I'm getting back with my ex-fianc. He proposed to me right around here, so I guess this is just sort of a sentimental stop... +I'm getting back with my ex-fianc. He proposed to me right around here, so I guess this is just sort of a sentimental stop... Wait, I thought you said you'd never been outta Kansas... +Wait, I thought you said you'd never been outta Kansas... Oh. I mean, except for that. Yep. I'm trading in a car dealer for a heart specialist, so that's pretty good... +Oh. I mean, except for that. Yep. I'm trading in a car dealer for a heart specialist, so that's pretty good... Nice move. Cedars Sinai? +Nice move. Cedars Sinai? No. Loma Vista. +No. Loma Vista. I s'pose his name's David Ravell. +I s'pose his name's David Ravell. How did you know? +How did you know? What's his real name? +What's his real name? Dr. David Ravell. +Dr. David Ravell. You mean... George McCord, the actor? +You mean... George McCord, the actor? No, I mean David Ravell. He's a surgeon. +Piss off, Merle. So how you gonna find him, Betty? I'll go to the Hospital. +I'll go to the Hospital. What if you can't find him? What if you get out there, and nothing's the way you thought it was gonna be? +What if you can't find him? What if you get out there, and nothing's the way you thought it was gonna be? Like Rome? +Like Rome? Worse. +Worse. You made out alright. +You made out alright. Yeah, but at least I knew Rome was gonna be there when I arrived... +Ellen, this is the biggest thing I've ever done, but I've gotta do it. You take care of yourself then, Betty, and don't let anybody stop you... +You take care of yourself then, Betty, and don't let anybody stop you... To tell you the truth, I can't believe I've made it this far. It may not be Europe, but I just know there's something special out there for me... +I can't believe I remembered that, although I suppose I should. I wrote it... But that was seven years ago, and you're quoting it verbatim. I'm flattered... I think. Or frightened. What's your name? Betty Sizemore. What do you mean you wrote it? +Betty Sizemore. What do you mean you wrote it? I'm Lyla Branch. I'm the Producer. +Well, David moved out here and started his residency. Then he met Leslie -- No, no, no. We know all that. What happened with you? +No, no, no. We know all that. What happened with you? I married a car salesman. +She called you 'George,' George. ...did I win some contest? +What are you doing? He has no heartbeat! +He has no heartbeat! You're hurting him!! +You're hurting him!! I'm massaging his heart. I saw it done once. +I'm massaging his heart. I saw it done once. ARE YOU CRAZY?!! STOP IT!!! +ARE YOU CRAZY?!! STOP IT!!! LISTEN TO ME! IF I DON'T DO THIS, HE'S DEAD! +You don't sound like you're from here. I'm not. I just drove in from Kansas. +I'm not. I just drove in from Kansas. So why'd you come to L.A.? +So why'd you come to L.A.? I came for love. My fiancé is here. +It's something I had to do. For David. 'David.' That's your guy. So, you staying with him? +No... I don't really know where he is yet. I'm at a hotel around the corner. Man, that is love. +You can go get your stuff right now. I'll walk you down. No, that's not, I couldn't... +No, that's not, I couldn't... Listen, when someone does the kind of thing you did, you gotta do something in return. So, you stay with me until you find your David and live happily ever after. Okay? +I got this apartment with a guy. The one you were telling me about? +The one you were telling me about? No, this one was worse... I had to have the place sprayed when he left. Twice... He was two guys before the last one -- not counting a little office thing in there, which I'm trusting you with, 'cause if it gets out, I'm on the street... +It's lovely... I really like your aquarium. Yeah, well, at least fish don't use your razor or pee on the seat... +Yeah, well, at least fish don't use your razor or pee on the seat... Hmmm. Sounds like you've had a pretty tough go of it with men... +Hmmm. Sounds like you've had a pretty tough go of it with men... Oh, I dunno... but just once I wish I'd run into a guy who noticed the Koi before my tits. +Hey, Rosa... it's Betty. How do you get to this town called 'Tustin?' It's in Orange County... Tustin? Take the Hollywood Freeway to the Five... +Tustin? Take the Hollywood Freeway to the Five... The Five? +The Five? Just look for the really crowded road and follow that. +Just look for the really crowded road and follow that. Okay... oh, umm, would you mind if I borrowed some clothes? +Okay... oh, umm, would you mind if I borrowed some clothes? Huh? Sure, look in my closet, take any dress you want! We're still on for tonight, right? +You made it! Hey, that looks great on you. 'S classy... So, how'd it go today? You find him? Ummm... no, no. Different 'Ravell.' +You know, the more I think about it, this really isn't David's kind of place. What are you talking about? This bar is packed with professional people! Everybody says if you're going to get married, this is the spot to meet someone... Luckily, I'm currently off men, so I've got the luxury of not giving a shit. +What are you talking about? This bar is packed with professional people! Everybody says if you're going to get married, this is the spot to meet someone... Luckily, I'm currently off men, so I've got the luxury of not giving a shit. I know what you mean, I recently had some trouble with a man, a different man... and David's still getting over Leslie. His wife. +I know what you mean, I recently had some trouble with a man, a different man... and David's still getting over Leslie. His wife. He has a wife?! +He has a wife?! Had. She died in a car accident last year. She was decapitated. +Had. She died in a car accident last year. She was decapitated. God, that's awful! +God, that's awful! It may not have been an accident. They never did find her head... +It may not have been an accident. They never did find her head... Her 'head'?! You're making this up... +Her 'head'?! You're making this up... No, no! Well, see, she was having an affair with a Russian diplomat who I believe was mixed up with the Mafia... +No, no! Well, see, she was having an affair with a Russian diplomat who I believe was mixed up with the Mafia... Jesus, I thought my love life was crazy... +...so, we'll hit the library first and fan out from there. They've got all the L.A. phone books, plus medical directories... We're not gonna let him hide from you any more, okay? I'm making this my personal mission. David isn't hiding from me, I left him standing at the altar six years ago and now I'm... +David isn't hiding from me, I left him standing at the altar six years ago and now I'm... Fuck the details, they're always to blame... Look, too many of these guys duck out on us, especially after they become doctors or lawyers. I see it at my company all day long! So I'm just gonna make sure you get your, you know, fairy tale ending or whatever... One of us should. +Fuck the details, they're always to blame... Look, too many of these guys duck out on us, especially after they become doctors or lawyers. I see it at my company all day long! So I'm just gonna make sure you get your, you know, fairy tale ending or whatever... One of us should. Rosa, I can't believe you're doing all this for me... thank you. +"Hey, how 'bout a card for me? What is that? ""Please call if you have any information on David Ravell."" This is my phone number! How many of these have you given out?" How many men have I talked to? +How many men have I talked to? Jesus! They're all gonna be calling me! +Jesus! They're all gonna be calling me! You said in L.A., anything goes. +You said in L.A., anything goes. I was talking about what you could wear! +Guess who I saw today. Who? +Who? Doctor David Ravell. +Doctor David Ravell. What? Where was he?! +What? Where was he?! ON TELEVISION!! Cut the shit, will you! +Either you're making a fool out of me because you get off on it, or you got serious problems. Which one is it?! I have no idea what you're talking about. +I have no idea what you're talking about. I'M TALKING ABOUT DAVID RAVELL!! +I'M TALKING ABOUT DAVID RAVELL!! Shhh! I heard you the first time. +Shhh! I heard you the first time. I spent my weekend looking for someone who does -- not -- exist. I should have been here at the hospital with my brother, but I was with you. +I spent my weekend looking for someone who does -- not -- exist. I should have been here at the hospital with my brother, but I was with you. If you didn't want to do it, you should have said so! Is this about gas money? +If you didn't want to do it, you should have said so! Is this about gas money? IT'S NOT ABOUT GAS MONEY!! You have a thing for an actor on a stupid white soap opera, and we searched all over town for his character! Not the actor -- whose name is George, by the way. His character! +Why'd you help me in the first place? I helped you because I'm an idiot! Ask my mother, I love it when people take advantage of me! I TRUSTED YOU!! I THOUGHT HE WAS REAL! +I helped you because I'm an idiot! Ask my mother, I love it when people take advantage of me! I TRUSTED YOU!! I THOUGHT HE WAS REAL! HE IS REAL!! +I'm not going back on our arrangement. My word is good, and my family owes you. But I think it's best for both of us if you get your own place as soon as you can. Fine. +Don't worry, I'm looking... just taking a tiny break. This is crazy. I come home, you go to your room. You go in the kitchen, I go to my room. It's stupid. +So what do you say? Can we be friends? ...okay. +What are those for? Oh, it's a charity dinner. The money goes to a good cause, but I don't have anybody to go with... +Oh, it's a charity dinner. The money goes to a good cause, but I don't have anybody to go with... Umm... +Looking for someone? You never know who you'll see. +Were you with him this whole time? Oh, God! You scared me! Yes... +Oh, God! You scared me! Yes... You still in love? +Does he know you think he's real? He is real. +He is real. Uh-huh... So, what'd you talk about? +Uh-huh... So, what'd you talk about? Oh, my gosh, everything! My trip out here, what we've both been doing, you know... +Oh, my gosh, everything! My trip out here, what we've both been doing, you know... No, I'm not sure I could begin to imagine... So, where'd you go? +No, I'm not sure I could begin to imagine... So, where'd you go? To a party in the Hollywood Hills. +To a party in the Hollywood Hills. Was it a huge place? With a view of the whole world? +Was it a huge place? With a view of the whole world? Yes. I'd never been in a place like that before. +Yes. I'd never been in a place like that before. I have, lots of times. My mother used to clean them. I used to piss in their pools. +This isn't fair, you know. Do you always get what you want? No, almost never. +No, almost never. But, you're in love with someone who doesn't exist. You come here, you meet this guy, who should laugh in your face, and instead you leave with him! Betty, you are one-of-a-kind... +Are you sure I can borrow this? No, please. Go ahead, it's your funeral... +No, please. Go ahead, it's your funeral... Rosa... +Rosa... Well, what if this guy's just playing with you? What if he's lying about who he is? +Well, what if this guy's just playing with you? What if he's lying about who he is? You should have a little faith in people. +You should have a little faith in people. Does he ever talk about medicine? His patients, the hospital? +Does he ever talk about medicine? His patients, the hospital? "All the time. It's always ""Loma Vista"" this, ""Loma Vista"" that." +Rosa, so you've met David? Sure did! And a funny thing, Betty, he introduced himself to me as George! +Sure did! And a funny thing, Betty, he introduced himself to me as George! Oh, he does that. It's this silly game he plays. Half the people who know him call him George. +What are you doing? I'm going back to... I need to... I don't know. +...this is your sweater, right? Where are you going? +Where are you going? I have to leave now. +What? No, I'm not gonna let you just run out of here... You need to talk about what's going on... You think I'm crazy, Rosa, but you don't know the half of it. My husband was, ahh... +You think I'm crazy, Rosa, but you don't know the half of it. My husband was, ahh... Your husband?! +Your husband?! Yes, I had a husband and he was killed two weeks ago in my kitchen. I was right there... +What?! That you had something to do with it? I don't know. I'm just starting to remember it now. I don't... +I don't know. I'm just starting to remember it now. I don't... Yeah, but your running away isn't going to help you with all this... +Yeah, but your running away isn't going to help you with all this... There was blood everywhere, Rosa. I saw it, I think I watched the whole thing happen... Oh my God... +There was blood everywhere, Rosa. I saw it, I think I watched the whole thing happen... Oh my God... Okay, okay, look, ummm... Let's just talk a little first and you'll feel better, I promise. +These guys are here to help you, Betty. I don't think so. Rosa, I didn't kill Del... they did. +Blake, I can handle that transplant! We need someone with the right kind of experience, Lonnie. +We need someone with the right kind of experience, Lonnie. Even if he's falling asleep on his feet? +Even if he's falling asleep on his feet? Lonnie, it's a complex procedure. Why don't you observe? +Lonnie, it's a complex procedure. Why don't you observe? I'm not some snot-nosed resident fresh out of medical school, Blake. +I'm not some snot-nosed resident fresh out of medical school, Blake. No, you're not. You're a good doctor, Lonnie, but you're not David Ravell. I've made my decision. Now, if you'll excuse me... +What can I do for you, gentlemen? How do you do, Mr. McCord. We're trying to locate a deranged fan of yours,... a Ms. Betty... +How do you do, Mr. McCord. We're trying to locate a deranged fan of yours,... a Ms. Betty... Deranged. That would be the right word. +That won't be necessary. She's staying with a Rosa something... Hernandez, Herrera. I know it's an 'H' sound... in Silverlake. Thanks so much. You must get bothered by this kind of thing a lot. +Thanks so much. You must get bothered by this kind of thing a lot. More than you know. Is there anything else? +More than you know. Is there anything else? No, that should be more than -- +No, that should be more than -- Good. +What part of Dixie are you from, Duane? Georgia. In case I didn't tell you, it's cash only, gentlemen. +Here's Ghengis Kunt and The Demilitarized Zone. Get it? They're Korean, so they're pretty hot. You know, it's interesting. The South lost the Civil War, but they still seem to get all the glory. +You know, it's interesting. The South lost the Civil War, but they still seem to get all the glory. Huh? +Huh? Jeb Stuart, Stonewall Jackson, Jefferson Davis -- they're all losers in my book. +The fuck you talking about? Even Robert E. Lee was a loser. +Even Robert E. Lee was a loser. He goin' crazy on us, or what? +He goin' crazy on us, or what? Did you know the most brutal, inhumane prison of the entire war was in Georgia? +Did you know the most brutal, inhumane prison of the entire war was in Georgia? Really. And where was that, old man? +Really. And where was that, old man? Andersonville. They did horrible things to men there... +...you can have the best damn running backs in the world, somebody's still gotta block for 'em. You're a hundred percent right. They rely on what's-his-name's arm too much... +If you ate at the Tip Top you did. Oh, yes, with the coffee... +Oh, yes, with the coffee... Yep, Betty pours a pretty mean cup. +I like this. I like doing business in the home. It's cozy... Who's birthday? Ahh... my wife's. +All right gentlemen, let's get down to it. I need to know if you're for real. If we're for real? +If we're for real? You don't exactly look like drug dealers. +We appreciate that. But you just poured me a drink, I'd like to enjoy your hospitality for a few minutes. Fine. You got five... +Fine. You got five... It's a nice place you got here. Real comfortable. Sweet little town, Fair Oaks. You like it here? +It's a nice place you got here. Real comfortable. Sweet little town, Fair Oaks. You like it here? Are you kidding me? What's to like? +What do you mean? It's a small town, man. I never should have left Omaha. People here think small. They act small. They're a bunch of dumb fucks. +Could you give us an example? Of what? +Of what? I'm asking you for an example of one of these dumb fucks being a dumb fuck. +I'm asking you for an example of one of these dumb fucks being a dumb fuck. I don't follow... +I don't follow... You're not a dumb fuck, are you, Del? +You're not a dumb fuck, are you, Del? No... +No... I didn't think so. So, give me an example of a stupid person doing a stupid thing. Not being stupid, you're equipped to recognize it. +I didn't think so. So, give me an example of a stupid person doing a stupid thing. Not being stupid, you're equipped to recognize it. Are we gonna do business here, or not? +All right... lemme see... okay, new Burger King opens up. These assholes get excited and start lining up. Like it's some five star restaurant. The place is mobbed. Right? "Hmmmm. ""Five Stars,"" huh? Is that stupid, Wesley?" +"You did not just say ""Injuns,"" Del." The Indians, Injuns, whatever. They're always drunk and doing stupid things. +The Indians, Injuns, whatever. They're always drunk and doing stupid things. Like what? +Like what? Driving their cars into trees... puking on the sidewalk... stupid shit! +Driving their cars into trees... puking on the sidewalk... stupid shit! Let's see... around here that would be Kiowa, Kickapoo or Osage, if I'm not mistaken. +Let's see... around here that would be Kiowa, Kickapoo or Osage, if I'm not mistaken. I... I don't know... +I... I don't know... Well, my idea of stupid is very different from yours. So here's how this is gonna work. Would you take your socks off, please? +Well, my idea of stupid is very different from yours. So here's how this is gonna work. Would you take your socks off, please? My socks? +Oh, Jesus, please... Please, God. ...and put them in your mouth. +Bourbon, little water, thank you. Beer, please. +Hey... you got a fine one right here! Wesley... Your wife's a very lovely woman. Have I seen her before? +Relax, we brought the cash. I'm just curious. Can't you give me an example? +No, that's ignorant. They just don't know any better. That's what I thought. You better give me another example. +That's right. Stupid is trying to sell it to other people who are, by their very nature, untrustworthy. +Stupid is trying to sell it to other people who are, by their very nature, untrustworthy. That is so right. +That is so right. Stupid is calling people in Kansas City who are affiliated with the rightful owners of the thing you stole, and trying to sell it to them. Right Wesley? +Stupid is calling people in Kansas City who are affiliated with the rightful owners of the thing you stole, and trying to sell it to them. Right Wesley? Now, that's really stupid. +Now, that's really stupid. So you see, we have totally different ideas of what's stupid and what's not. Don't we? +You know, a hundred and fifty years ago you'd have been scalped for that remark about Native Americans. Right here where your house is -- you'd have been scalped. Hell of a way to die. +Hell of a way to die. It wasn't always fatal, Wesley. We could scalp Del right now, and he'd be plenty alive to tell us how it feels. +Hold still, Del, we're just talking here... Then you grab a big handful of hair and pull as you cut. It's amazing how easily the scalp comes off. A mark, huh? +I'm all for them owning casinos, getting rich off the white man's greed. It's a beautiful piece of irony, isn't it, Wesley? IT SURE IS!! +Are you out of your mind? You scalped him! You told me how to do it! +You told me how to do it! That was to get him to talk! Get rid of that thing, will you? +This is great -- just great! Now we don't know where the goddamn stuff is. He told us it's in the Buick. +He told us it's in the Buick. We don't know which Buick, do we? +We don't know which Buick, do we? Well, why'd you shoot him? +Well, why'd you shoot him? I had to shoot him! It was the only decent thing to do. +I still don't understand how you knew Del was telling the truth. I saw his soul Wesley. He was face to face with his God, and no one lies in that situation. But your Geronimo act rattled me, and I abandoned my instincts. Never abandon you instincts. +I saw his soul Wesley. He was face to face with his God, and no one lies in that situation. But your Geronimo act rattled me, and I abandoned my instincts. Never abandon you instincts. I didn't. You gave me a look! +I didn't. You gave me a look! What 'look'? +What 'look'? That one look you got! I thought you were done, so I took him out... +That one look you got! I thought you were done, so I took him out... I wasn't done, I was just sick of hearing him whine. And you didn't take him out, you scalped him. Christ, I almost puked, did I tell you that? +I wasn't done, I was just sick of hearing him whine. And you didn't take him out, you scalped him. Christ, I almost puked, did I tell you that? Well, why'd you have to tell that Indian story? +Well, why'd you have to tell that Indian story? What the hell does that mean? If I'd told a Ty Cobb story would you have clubbed him to death with a bat? +It's not here. Let's go. You just gonna leave these cars sitting here like this? +You just gonna leave these cars sitting here like this? Why not, it'll confuse 'em... gotta do something, now that you fucked it up. +Why not, it'll confuse 'em... gotta do something, now that you fucked it up. I wanted to make a statement. +I wanted to make a statement. Let me tell you something. In our business you can't put food on the table if your phone doesn't ring. The guys who get the calls are good -- not flashy, just good. They get in, they get out. Nobody knows a goddamn thing. Understand? Boom, boom, boom. Three in the head and you know they're dead. +Let me tell you something. In our business you can't put food on the table if your phone doesn't ring. The guys who get the calls are good -- not flashy, just good. They get in, they get out. Nobody knows a goddamn thing. Understand? Boom, boom, boom. Three in the head and you know they're dead. ...that's a good motto. +...that's a good motto. Fine, I'll get you a bumpersticker, but you better start believing it! It's the only statement you need to make. +Mmmm. Well, it was a piece of luck running into you, Duane. I thought I was gonna have to take Wesley out and hose him down. All he talks about is those Japanese gals. I like 'em small. When you're inside a little Asian chick, it's like your dick is the axle that holds her body together. +We can live with that. I'm a Yankee, myself. Massachusetts. +Del's dead, by the way. I sent him to the Great Beyond. Actually, I scalped him, and then you killed him. +He's telling the truth. He doesn't know. Should I kill him now? +Should I kill him now? Wait. Any last words, General Lee? +What the hell was that, another statement? Well, no one ever spit in my face before. Especially some cracker fuck. +Well, no one ever spit in my face before. Especially some cracker fuck. You have to rise above it. The professionals rise above that kind of thing... +So how do we know that car's still in Fair Oaks? We don't. But a '97 Le Sabre'll be easy to find if it's here, town this size... He said he gave his wife some car as a gift, remember? +Maybe you don't appreciate the gravity of this situation. It's bad enough that we don't have what we came here for. It's worse that we don't know where it is. And now this. This was supposed to be my last job. I already put the deposit down on my boat. How can you eat at a time like this? I get nauseous just watching you... I can eat because I know we didn't kidnap that woman. I can eat because they aren't looking for us. And I can eat 'cause I'm fucking hungry... ...relax. She's gonna end up on a milk carton and that's about it. +I can eat because I know we didn't kidnap that woman. I can eat because they aren't looking for us. And I can eat 'cause I'm fucking hungry... ...relax. She's gonna end up on a milk carton and that's about it. I hope you're right... +I hope you're right... ...I know I am. Let's just do what we gotta do here, and get the fuck gone. +So she gets rid of the asshole and is set for life in the same day. You think so? Joyce says she's timid. +You think so? Joyce says she's timid. Joyce was screwing Del. +Joyce was screwing Del. ...among others. +...among others. I'd say that about torches her credibility, wouldn't you? +I'd say that about torches her credibility, wouldn't you? Yeah, well, if the wife's trying to sell it she'll fuck up. She's an amateur, just like Del was. +No, I see Betty as a Midwestern Stoic type. Ice water in her veins. A clear thinker. Probably a Swede or a Finn. A 'Finn?' What is a Finn? +A 'Finn?' What is a Finn? You should read more. Listen to me. I think this woman was waiting for a chance to do this, and we gave it to her. She kept to herself for years, living with a pompous asshole. Then she sees her opportunity, and BOOM! -- she leaves that little mudpatch in the dust. These heartlanders can't figure it out, 'cause that's not their sweet little Betty. Hah! We've been tracking her for, what, three days and I already understand her better'n most the people in that shitty little burg. +Betty, Betty, Betty... So what the fuck's a Finn? +So what the fuck's a Finn? Oh, for Chrissakes. It just means the kind of person who can eat shit for a long time without complaining, then cut their momma's throat and go dancing the same night. +Oh, for Chrissakes. It just means the kind of person who can eat shit for a long time without complaining, then cut their momma's throat and go dancing the same night. Like... us? +Like... us? No,... like a worthy adversary, Wesley. Like a very worthy adversary. +Wise beyond her years, I'm sure, and such poise, too. Very, very impressive... Well, then, did you ever get any indication that she wanted to leave her husband? +Thas' it, thas' it... conquer that bitch. What time're they coming? It's not an exact science, Wesley. He said they'll be here... My Houston contact has always been very reliable. +It's not an exact science, Wesley. He said they'll be here... My Houston contact has always been very reliable. And then we're gonna do her right here. Right? +And then we're gonna do her right here. Right? "You're always so coarse... ""Do her right here."" Let's just see what happens, okay? ""I wish that I could find a way; To speak my thoughts on Mother's Day. There are no words that quite express; My gratitude or happiness. A pleasant smile perhaps a kiss; I would not fail to give her this. I'd make her glad the whole day through; By sayin' 'Mother', I love you!' P.S. I wish I could say this to my mother's face, but I can't anymore.""" +Let's get out of here. We got another long drive ahead of us. ...the fuck where I do not know, but I know it's gonna be long. Betty would never dress like that. She's not some trailer park slut! +Okay, thank you, goodbye... Keep in touch... ...She's got class, and poise. Lots of poise... +They said find it. Find her, find it. Finish the job you were paid to do. Half. +Half. What? +What? They paid us half. They still owe us half... +They paid us half. They still owe us half... "There it is again. That lousy attitude that got us here in the first place. That ""make a statement,"" do an end zone dance, shake your ass and sue everybody in sight attitude that's dragging this whole country down the drain. They don't owe us shit, Wesley! WHEN YOU FINISH THE JOB, YOU GET PAID!! WE HAVEN'T FINISHED THE GODDAMN JOB!!" +That woman could be in any one of four states. Four big states where the deer and the antelope play, Wesley! We're not in Rhode Island! I know that. +I know that. AND TURN THAT FUCKING MUSIC OFF! +Do I deserve this? In the twilight of my career, do I deserve this? I don't think so! I've always tried to do what's right. I never took out anybody who didn't have it coming. I'm a professional! AND WHERE THE FUCK AM I? I'M IN PURGATORY! Worse... you're in Texas. +Worse... you're in Texas. Well, I should be in FLORIDA now! If Carl hadn't gone in to get those stones removed, you wouldn't be here and I'd be on my way to the Keys. On my boat, RELAXING WITH A GLASS OF PORT!! Re-ti red! +You don't look comfortable here. That's 'cause you don't like being the center of attention, do you? Nah. You're like me. What the hell's the matter with you? +That was a really shitty thing to do. I'm sick of looking at her mother- fucking face. +What? What does she represent?! What could some cornbread white bitch from Kansas who's dragging our sorry asses up and down the Louisiana Purchase possibly mean to you?!! I'd just love to know... I dunno... something. Why is she doing this to me? Why?... +I dunno... something. Why is she doing this to me? Why?... I don't know, but when we find her she's gonna die for it. +How'd they describe her? You know, blonde, thin, whatever... +You know, blonde, thin, whatever... Not so fast! Slower... 'blonde, thin', yes... Did they say she had style? A kind of grace or anything? +We should go. We don't have time to look at a hole in the ground. We can make Vegas in four hours. This one's got to be her. +We don't have time to look at a hole in the ground. We can make Vegas in four hours. This one's got to be her. It's a very moving experience, trust me. +It's a very moving experience, trust me. No. +No. One of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World. +One of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World. No... be dark before we get there. You wanna see the Grand Canyon at night? +No... be dark before we get there. You wanna see the Grand Canyon at night? What difference does it make? She wasn't in Kansas City, or Houston, or Dallas. We went to every goddamn place Del mentioned and no Betty. So what the hell makes you think she's in Vegas? You think she's waiting for us with tassles on her titties? Vegas is too crass for Betty. +What difference does it make? She wasn't in Kansas City, or Houston, or Dallas. We went to every goddamn place Del mentioned and no Betty. So what the hell makes you think she's in Vegas? You think she's waiting for us with tassles on her titties? Vegas is too crass for Betty. I said, 'No.' N-O. +"""When I grow up I'm going to become a nurse or a veterinarian. I always want to help people and value all life, be it animal, plant or mineral..."" Does that sound like a goddamn showgirl to you?" Do you hear yourself right now...? Like a fucking madman... +Every American should see the Grand Canyon. Are you an American? Yes, I am and we're not going. Act professional. +Well, guess what? I found Betty... where she's been, anyway. Where? Where is she? +Where? Where is she? I'm not telling. +I'm not telling. What? +What? I'm not telling 'til you straighten up. You been acting like fucking Jerry Lewis on me and this shit's gotta stop or you can forget about your Betty... I mean it. +This doesn't look like the kind of place Betty would go to. Maybe she had to use the bathroom. She pees, doesn't she?!... +So you believed the bartender. Why? Well... I think I saw her soul. +Well... I think I saw her soul. That's good. You're learning. But let me tell you why I know she was lying. First off, Betty would never fall for a soap star. It's beneath her. +That's good. You're learning. But let me tell you why I know she was lying. First off, Betty would never fall for a soap star. It's beneath her. I dunno, that lady sounded pretty sure... +I dunno, that lady sounded pretty sure... No, no, Betty came here strictly for business, 'cause it's the biggest market for what she's selling. I should have known it all along. I'm kicking myself as I shave here. So, first thing we... +No, no, Betty came here strictly for business, 'cause it's the biggest market for what she's selling. I should have known it all along. I'm kicking myself as I shave here. So, first thing we... Wait, wait, wait a minute... that doesn't make sense. +Wait, wait, wait a minute... that doesn't make sense. What doesn't? +What doesn't? You gimme this bullshit Psychic Friends theory, you believe that dumbshit trucker, you believe this woman... +You gimme this bullshit Psychic Friends theory, you believe that dumbshit trucker, you believe this woman... I never said that I believed... +I never said that I believed... No, you believed her, we drove all the way to L.A. so that means you trusted her that much... so why's the rest of her story suddenly so kooky? Huh? +No, you believed her, we drove all the way to L.A. so that means you trusted her that much... so why's the rest of her story suddenly so kooky? Huh? 'Cause I just don't buy it. Call it instinct. Call it 35 years of professional know-how... +'Cause I just don't buy it. Call it instinct. Call it 35 years of professional know-how... I call it 'nutty' as my shit after I eat Almond Roca... +I call it 'nutty' as my shit after I eat Almond Roca... You need to remember who you're talking to... +You need to remember who you're talking to... I need to get my goddamn head examined. You can't rule something out on a whim. Or because she's cute. I've been following your whims all across the U.S. of A. and now I'm tired! Me! +I need to get my goddamn head examined. You can't rule something out on a whim. Or because she's cute. I've been following your whims all across the U.S. of A. and now I'm tired! Me! Wesley... +Wesley... """It's beneath her..."" She's a mother fucking housewife... nothing's beneath her!" +Who's this? A doctor on the show... why? +What in the... What the hell is this? You've been holding out on me. All this fucking time! It just didn't fit her profile... +It just didn't fit her profile... Fuck the profile! That's the same guy!! +Fuck the profile! That's the same guy!! She can't be here because of a... a soap opera. Not a soap opera. That'd make her... +She can't be here because of a... a soap opera. Not a soap opera. That'd make her... ...crazy! No shit, Shaft!! And you ain't far behind... +...crazy! No shit, Shaft!! And you ain't far behind... ...but she's, no, Betty's smarter than that. She wouldn't be here for a... +...but she's, no, Betty's smarter than that. She wouldn't be here for a... I do not know how the fuck you lasted an hour in this job! Dragging our asses around with the answer to our prayers in your motherfucking jacket... a picture of that cunt right next to the... +Don't Don't you talk about Betty like that. I don't care who she ends up being, you never use that word again. Got it? Man, you have got to get some therapy. +Man, you have got to get some therapy. I said 'got it?' +I said 'got it?' ...yeah, I got it. Come on, you're stretching out my vest... +...yeah, I got it. Come on, you're stretching out my vest... You made your point... I was wrong. +You were right. Del wasn't lying. Well, you were right about what that bartender said. +What do your instincts tell you to do now, kid? Leave. Take this shit back to Detroit and get the rest of our money. +Leave. Take this shit back to Detroit and get the rest of our money. We could do that. I could be on my way to Florida, and you could go to Thailand and fuck your brains out. +We could do that. I could be on my way to Florida, and you could go to Thailand and fuck your brains out. ...but that's not what we're gonna do, is it? +...but that's not what we're gonna do, is it? No... if we don't finish this job, how are we gonna look at ourselves in the mirror? This is it for me, Wesley, she's the last one. My instinct says I gotta see this through with her, and if there's one thing I've tried to teach you here -- +No... if we don't finish this job, how are we gonna look at ourselves in the mirror? This is it for me, Wesley, she's the last one. My instinct says I gotta see this through with her, and if there's one thing I've tried to teach you here -- It's to follow my instincts. And my instincts say get the fuck out of Dodge. +It's to follow my instincts. And my instincts say get the fuck out of Dodge. No, I said to follow 'my' instincts. Now, we go up there and conclude our business. Case closed. +Not her mouth... I've spent many long hours in a car with your face staring back at me. I've seen it painted on the horizon. What's wrong with you? +This is Betty at twelve. Very graceful. Perfect form. +Very graceful. Perfect form. Betty was a lovely child. +I don't like talking bad about the dead, but now that he's gone I can tell you she put up with things in that marriage I wouldn't have. And yes, she, of all people, was the one who defended him. And that's why what that sheriff said makes me so angry. What do you mean? +What do you mean? If anyone had paid to have that husband of hers killed, it would have been me. +If anyone had paid to have that husband of hers killed, it would have been me. Mrs. Blaine? I can tell you right now, without a doubt, that your granddaughter is alive, and did not kill Del Sizemore. +...and how long did she work here? Oh, five years, give or take. +Oh, five years, give or take. Hmm... you two in high school together? +Hmm... you two in high school together? Aren't you a sweetheart... no, not quite. Anyway, she's been with us awhile. +Aren't you a sweetheart... no, not quite. Anyway, she's been with us awhile. But she wanted more out of life, right? +But she wanted more out of life, right? No... she just wanted something outta life. Anything. And with Del, she wasn't getting nothing. That's her husband, Del. I'm sorry about what happened and all, but that's the way I feel about all of this... +No... she just wanted something outta life. Anything. And with Del, she wasn't getting nothing. That's her husband, Del. I'm sorry about what happened and all, but that's the way I feel about all of this... I see. May I? +I see. May I? If it helps bring her back, be my guest... +If it helps bring her back, be my guest... Thank you for your cooperation. Just one more thing... did she ever talk about getting rich? +Thank you for your cooperation. Just one more thing... did she ever talk about getting rich? ...who doesn't? +What'd you get her? Huh? Oh, umm, a car. So, to a successful transaction... +Isn't that the point? Yeah, well, I don't have time to screw around. I got buyers in Dallas, Houston and Vegas who are ready to snap this stuff up. +Seems like a nice place. It is, if you like idiots... +Really? You better believe it. +Jesus Christ! He's waiting... +He's waiting... Okay, uh... the, umm, Injuns're stupid. +Okay, uh... the, umm, Injuns're stupid. """Injuns?""" +Alright, I admit it, you had me there. You're better than most of them, anyway... do you have a headshot? No, wait... what happened next, Betty? +No, wait... what happened next, Betty? "Are you sure you want to encourage this? No, you're right, let's have some fun. So, what did happened next, ""Betty""?" +Funny, that's just what I was thinking... I can't tell you how much it hurts me to hear that you married him. +Right, uhh... I feel terrible about this, we have a prior engagement at another party. But... I'd be honored if you'd come. Yeah, bring your friend along. I'm sure you got a lot of catching up to do... +"She makes me stretch! I got inside my character last night like I haven't done in six years on ""Reason"". It was a totally rejuvenating experience." I know, George, I was there. I'm not denying that she's good. +I know, George, I was there. I'm not denying that she's good. She's even taken a job as a nurse! David Ravell's getting boring, Lyla. +She's even taken a job as a nurse! David Ravell's getting boring, Lyla. We know that... +We know that... Can I have an evil twin? +Can I have an evil twin? No, George, we've already done that with Lonnie. The blind one last year, remember? +No, George, we've already done that with Lonnie. The blind one last year, remember? Oh, of course. Who can forget the Emmy? Then let me bring Betty to the set and see what happens. +Oh, of course. Who can forget the Emmy? Then let me bring Betty to the set and see what happens. I don't know, George... +I don't know, George... I'll tell the cast ahead of time. What do you say? +I'll tell the cast ahead of time. What do you say? I'll think about it. +I'll think about it. It'll be like live television! Let's live on the edge a little. You and I can break the mold here! +It'll be like live television! Let's live on the edge a little. You and I can break the mold here! I said I'll think about it. +I said I'll think about it. Fine, but promise me one thing. If we use her, I want to direct those episodes. She's my discovery. +Fine, but promise me one thing. If we use her, I want to direct those episodes. She's my discovery. Actually, she was my discovery... just like you. +Actually, she was my discovery... just like you. Hmm? +Hmm? """Would you like ground pepper on that salad, Ms. Branch?"" Remember?" +"""Would you like ground pepper on that salad, Ms. Branch?"" Remember?" ...yeah. +Betty, I thought this would be the best way. You know, throw you into it... What the hell's going on? +What the hell's going on? If you need a minute, that's okay. But I thought you'd want to -- +Is there a problem, George? No! No problem, there is no... What is the problem? Just do that... thing... you do! Come on! You drove me nuts with this for three days, now do it! +All right, everybody! That's ten minutes! No! Let me try this! +Let me try this, goddamnit! SHE'S BEEN DOING IT ALL WEEK, SHE CAN DO IT NOW! I SAID FORGET IT! +This story is beyond belief, which is perfect for us. It's free advertising and it's gonna run for months. I don't think she can do it. You saw what happened. +I don't think she can do it. You saw what happened. You fucked it up. Who wouldn't freeze in those circumstances? And I don't care what her problems are. She wouldn't be the first one in that cast with problems. We have nothing to lose by making her an offer. +You fucked it up. Who wouldn't freeze in those circumstances? And I don't care what her problems are. She wouldn't be the first one in that cast with problems. We have nothing to lose by making her an offer. What about me? Don't you wanna know how I feel about it? I'm the one who... +What about me? Don't you wanna know how I feel about it? I'm the one who... Why would I give a shit how you feel. And I got news for you. I loved your 'icy water' idea the other day... I'm toying with the idea of killing David Ravell off in a boating accident. +Why would I give a shit how you feel. And I got news for you. I loved your 'icy water' idea the other day... I'm toying with the idea of killing David Ravell off in a boating accident. That's not a bad idea. How many episodes before he comes back? +Jesus, don't do that! If it gets around that you fired me, I'll never land a pilot. Then do as you're told. Get her back. +...what kinda car's Jasmine drive? Ahh, Mercedes, I think. Black. +Ahh, Mercedes, I think. Black. Yeah? The sport utility? +Yeah? The sport utility? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Damn, that's sweet... She really that good-looking in person? +Damn, that's sweet... She really that good-looking in person? Better. +Better. Oh fuck... +Hey, can you sneak me on the lot? Sure. +And she always had such spirit! But, after her mother died... Would you say she was ambitious? +Would you say she was ambitious? Oh, there's no tellin' what that girl could've accomplished, and she never had it easy. Never really had a childhood... caring for her father, going to school. +You've got to be missing a piece of your soul to kill someone. That's not our Betty... ...why do you think you have to be missing a piece of your soul to kill somebody? +...why do you think you have to be missing a piece of your soul to kill somebody? Because it ain't natural, young man. +Because it ain't natural, young man. What are you talking about? Killing's totally natural. It's dying that isn't natural... +You're wastin' your time, Roy. Look Joyce, I need your key to the files, not advice, okay? This is a complex case. +Nothin' complex about it. Del's dead, Betty's gone. She's probably dead, too. You'd like that wouldn't you? You've hated Betty since you were in Pep Squad together... +You'd like that wouldn't you? You've hated Betty since you were in Pep Squad together... No... before that. +No... before that. Ahh, I hate this town! Places like this just make you small... I should have never come back here after college. +Ahh, I hate this town! Places like this just make you small... I should have never come back here after college. Blah -- blah -- blah... Hurry up, will ya, I got a date tonight... +I don't know what you think you'll find, anyway. Names, a phone number, something... Listen, Ballard told me that the guy who brought the missing car down from Detroit was murdered, but do you see him doing anything about it? If Ballard wasn't such a stubborn ass, I wouldn't have to be breaking in here... +What did you say? The driver was killed. I think there's a connection -- +The driver was killed. I think there's a connection -- No, about... Are you talking about Duane Cooley? +No, about... Are you talking about Duane Cooley? Yeah. Why, you know him? +Yeah. Why, you know him? Know him? We were gonna get married! He was gonna leave his wife for me! Fuck!!... +What do you think my father would do if I told him I didn't want to be a lawyer anymore? Probably the same thing my mom would do if I got engaged... have a heart attack. +Probably the same thing my mom would do if I got engaged... have a heart attack. So how's it going with your new roomie? What's her name? +So how's it going with your new roomie? What's her name? Betty. It's O.K. except I'm worn out. We spent all weekend looking for her doctor-boy. How can a big time heart guy leave no trace of himself? +Betty. It's O.K. except I'm worn out. We spent all weekend looking for her doctor-boy. How can a big time heart guy leave no trace of himself? So tell her to settle for the old one in Orange County. +So tell her to settle for the old one in Orange County. She's gonna have to 'cause I'm out of ideas. +She's gonna have to 'cause I'm out of ideas. Maybe we're suing him for malpractice. What's his name again? +Maybe we're suing him for malpractice. What's his name again? David Ravell. +David Ravell. God, that sounds so familiar. Ravell, Ravell... where's he out of? +God, that sounds so familiar. Ravell, Ravell... where's he out of? I'm not sure now. She said he used to be over at Loma Vista. I never heard of it. +I'm not sure now. She said he used to be over at Loma Vista. I never heard of it. "Loma Vista? You mean like the guy on ""A Reason to Love?""" +Hey... Is Betty still trying to find that soap opera guy? Oh, yeah... Man, I'd love to find that actor just to see the look on her face, watch her bubble burst in mid-air. +SHUT UP! Shut the fuck up, both of you, before I kill you! I'm the one who watched the show... I was... +I'm the one who watched the show... I was... Did Chloe crack? +Did Chloe crack? Totally. She came apart like a house of cards. They dropped the charges... +Totally. She came apart like a house of cards. They dropped the charges... Goddamn... how 'bout Jasmine? +Goddamn... how 'bout Jasmine? She's a lesbian. +You lie, motherfucker... I swear to God! +Mrs. Rogers? I'm Dwight Campbell, with Neighborly Life Insurance. I'm looking for Betty Sizemore. I wish I could help you, but I can't. +Aren't they precious? Ma'am, she has a substantial death benefit coming to her from the tragic loss of her husband. Does she have any relatives in the area? No. Well, her grandparents are down in Oklahoma, but that's it... +No. Well, her grandparents are down in Oklahoma, but that's it... I see. And are you in touch with Mrs. Sizemore? +I see. And are you in touch with Mrs. Sizemore? No. But I'm taping her show every day so she can watch it when she comes back. +No. But I'm taping her show every day so she can watch it when she comes back. Her show? +Her show? """A Reason to Love.""" +I see. Did Chloe testify? I don't think she will. She's a slut, but I just don't think she's that mean. Jasmine'll bring her around... +I don't think she will. She's a slut, but I just don't think she's that mean. Jasmine'll bring her around... Jasmine... Do you have yesterday's show on tape, by any chance? +Yeah? Mr. Campbell? +Mr. Campbell? Huh? +Huh? Is this Neighborly Life Insurance? +Is this Neighborly Life Insurance? Oh, umm, yes, this is Dwight Campbell. +Oh, umm, yes, this is Dwight Campbell. It's Sue Ann Rogers, Betty Sizemore's friend? I heard from her. +I flatter myself that such is the case; in my line of work it's plumb necessary. The one thing you don't want is air in the conversation. Once again we find ourselves in agreement. What kind of work do you do, Big Dan? +Once again we find ourselves in agreement. What kind of work do you do, Big Dan? Sales, Mr. McGill, sales! And what do I sell? The Truth! Ever' blessed word of it, from Genesee on down to Revelations! That's right, the word of God, which let me add there is damn good money in during these days of woe and want! Folks're lookin' for answers and Big Dan Teague sells the only book that's got 'em! What do you do - you and your tongue-tied friend? +Thankee boys for throwin' in that fricasee. I'm a man a large appetite and even with lunch under my belt I was feeling a mite peckish. Our pleasure, Big Dan. +Our pleasure, Big Dan. And thank you as well for that conversational hiatus; I generally refrain from speech while engaged in gustation. There are those who attempt both at the same time but I find it course and vulgar. Now where were we? +I like to think that I'm a pretty astute observer of the human scene. No doubt, brother - I figured as much back there in the restaurant. That's why I invited you out here for this advanced tutorial. +End of the road, boys. It's had its twists and turns - Waitaminute - +Waitaminute - - but now it deposits you here. +Waitaminute - You have eluded fate - and eluded me - for the last time. Tie their hands, boys. +You have eluded fate - and eluded me - for the last time. Tie their hands, boys. You can't do this - +You can't do this - Didn't know you'd be bringin' a friend. Well, he'll have to wait his turn - +Didn't know you'd be bringin' a friend. Well, he'll have to wait his turn - Hang on there - +Hang on there - - and share one of your graves. +- and share one of your graves. You can't do this - we just been pardoned! By the Governer himself! +It ain't the law! The law. Well the law is a human institution. +'N I'm Delmar O'Donnell. How ya been, Wash? Been what, twelve, thirteen year'n? +We ain't gonna make it walkin'. Gopher, Everett? +You got light fingers, Everett. Gopher? You mis'able little sneak thief... +That's right! That's right! We ain't really Negroes! +That's right! We ain't really Negroes! All except fer our a-cump-uh-nust! +Why don't we bed down out here tonight? Yeah, it stinks in that ol' barn. +Visit those foreclosin' sonofaguns down at the Indianola Savings and Loan and slap that cash down on the barrelhead and buy back the family farm. Hell, you ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land. What about you, Everett? What'd you have in mind when you stoled it in the first place? +...Pete? Do not seek the treasure! +We didn't abandon you, Pete, we just thought you was a toad. No, they never did turn me into a toad. +No, they never did turn me into a toad. Well that was our mistake then. And then we was beat up by a bible salesman and banished from Woolworth's. I don't know if it's the one branch or all of 'em. +Well that was our mistake then. And then we was beat up by a bible salesman and banished from Woolworth's. I don't know if it's the one branch or all of 'em. Well I - I ain't had it easy either, boys. Uh, frankly, I - well I spilled my guts about the treasure. +Well I - I ain't had it easy either, boys. Uh, frankly, I - well I spilled my guts about the treasure. Huh?! +Huh?! Awful sorry I betrayed you fellas; must be my Hogwallop blood. +I'm sorry we got you into this, Tommy. Good Lord, what do we do? +How'd he know about the treasure? Don't know, Delmar-though the blind are reputed to possess sensitivities compensatin' for their lack of sight, even to the point of developing para- normal psychic powers. Now clearly, seein' the future would fall neatly into that ka-taggery. It's not so surprising, then, if an organism deprived of earthly vision- +What do we do now, Everett? Fire! I hate fire! +NOW HOLD ON, BOYS-AINTCHA EVER HEARD OF A NEGOTIATION? MAYBE WE CAN TALK THIS THING OUT! Yeah, let's negotiate 'em, Everett. +...but try getting a decent hair jelly. Gopher, Everett? +Gopher, Everett? And no transmission belt for two weeks neither. +Well that's it boys, I been redeemed! The preacher warshed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight-and-narrow from here on out and heaven everlasting's my reward! Delmar what the hell are you talking about? - We got bigger fish to fry- +Delmar what the hell are you talking about? - We got bigger fish to fry- Preacher said my sins are warshed away, including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo! +Preacher said my sins are warshed away, including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo! I thought you said you were innocent a those charges. +I thought you said you were innocent a those charges. Well I was lyin' - and I'm proud to say that that sin's been warshed away too! Neither God nor man's got nothin' on me now! Come on in, boys, the water's fine! +But there were witnesses, saw us redeemed! That's not the issue, Delmar. Even if it did put you square with the Lord, the State of Mississippi is more hardnosed. +That's not the issue, Delmar. Even if it did put you square with the Lord, the State of Mississippi is more hardnosed. You should a joined us, Everett. It couldn't a hurt none. +Baptism. You two are just dumber'n a bag of hammers. Well, I guess you're my cross to bear- Pull over, Everett - let's give that colored boy a lift. +This ain't no laughin' matter, Everett. What'd the devil give you for your soul, Tommy? +Five... hunnert... thousand... each. Four hundred, Delmar. +Four hundred, Delmar. Izzat right? +Izzat right? What're you gonna do with your share of the treasure, Pete? +Damn! We gotta skedaddle! I left my pomade in that car! Maybe I can creep up! +I left my pomade in that car! Maybe I can creep up! Don't be a fool, Everett, we gotta R- U-N-O-F-F-T, but pronto! +Don't be a fool, Everett, we gotta R- U-N-O-F-F-T, but pronto! Where's Tommy? +Yeah, look at me. Now you may call it an unreasoning optimism. You may call it obtuse. But the plain fact is we still have... close to... close to... +Now wuddya suppose is eatin' George? Well ya know, Delmar, they say that with a thrill-seekin' personality, what goes up must come down. Top of the world one minute, haunted by megrims the next. Yep, it's like our friend George is a alley cat and his own damn humors're swingin' him by the tail. But don't worry, Delmar; he'll be back on top again. I don't think we've heard the last of George Nelson. +Whuhh... Oh sweet Lord, Everett, looka this! +What on earth is goin' on here! What's got into you, Delmar! Caintcha see it Everett! Them sigh- reens did this to Pete! They loved him up an' turned him into a horney- toad! +...I'm not sure that's Pete. Course it's Pete! Look at 'im! +You can't display a toad in a fine restaurant like this! Why, the good folks here'd go right off their feed! I just don't think it's right, keepin' him under wraps like we's ashamed of him. +I just don't think it's right, keepin' him under wraps like we's ashamed of him. Well if that is Pete I am ashamed of him. The way I see it he got what he deserved - fornicating with some whore a Babylon. These things- +Uh, we uh- We're adventurers, sir, currently pursuin' a certain opportunity but open to others as well. +Pete have a brother? Not that I'm aware. +Deceitful! Two-faced! She-Woman! Never trust a female, Delmar! Remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill spent! Okay, Everett. +Okay, Everett. Hit by a train! Truth means nothin' to Woman, Delmar. Triumph a the subjective! You ever been with a woman? +Hit by a train! Truth means nothin' to Woman, Delmar. Triumph a the subjective! You ever been with a woman? Well, uh, I - I gotta get the family farm back before I can start thinkin' about that. +Well, uh, I - I gotta get the family farm back before I can start thinkin' about that. Well that's right! If then! Believe me, Delmar, Woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days a man! +Well that's right! If then! Believe me, Delmar, Woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days a man! Everett, I never figured you for a paterfamilias. +Everett, I never figured you for a paterfamilias. Oh-ho-ho yes, I've spread my seed. And you see what it, uh... what it's earned me... Now what in the... +So - where's all the money from your armored-car job? I never knocked over any armored- car. I was sent up for practicing law without a license. +Huh. I guess they'll tack on fifty years for me too. Boys, we was chained together. I hadda tell ya somethin'. Bustin' out alone was not a option! +It's Tommy! They got Tommy! Oh my God! +'N turned into a frog - He was never turned into a frog! +Scuse me... scuse me... we're the next act... Everett, my beard itches. +What sat mean exactly, Everett? Well, you'n me'n Pete'n Tommy are gonna be the power behind the throne so to speak. +Well, you'n me'n Pete'n Tommy are gonna be the power behind the throne so to speak. Oh, okay. +I guess Vernon T. Waldrip is gonna be goin' on relief. Maybe I'll be able to throw a little patronage his way, get the man a job diggin' ditches or rounding up stray dogs. Is the marriage off then, Miz Wharvey? +We'll go fetch it with ya, Everett. Honey, it's just - Shutup, Delmar - it's just - +A miracle! It was a miracle! Aw, don't be ignorant, Delmar. I told you they was gonna flood this valley. +Aw, don't be ignorant, Delmar. I told you they was gonna flood this valley. That ain't it! +We ain't one-at-a-timin' here, we mass communicatin'! Oh, yes, assa parful new force. +I'm just makin' a point, you stupid sonofabitch! Okay, Pappy. +Y'ignorant slope-shouldered sack a guts! Why we'd look like a buncha satchel-ass Johnnie-Come-Latelies braggin' on our own midget! Don't matter how stumpy! And that's the goddamn problem right there - people think this Stokes got fresh ideas, he's oh coorant and we the past. Problem a p'seption. +I'm sayin' we har this man away. Assa good idea, Pappy. +What's his name again? Campaign manager? Waldrip. +You don't know where his goddamn folks from; you speakin' outcha asshole. Well now Pappy I wouldn't put it that strong... +Finest governor we've ever had in M'sippi. In any state. +In any state. Oh Lord yes, any parish'r precinct; I was makin' the larger point. +Them straw polls is ugly. Stokes is pullin' ah pants down. +Stokes is pullin' ah pants down. Gonna pluck us off the tit. +Gonna pluck us off the tit. Pappy gonna be sittin' there pants down and Stokes at the table soppin' up the gravy. +Pappy gonna be sittin' there pants down and Stokes at the table soppin' up the gravy. Latch right on to that tit. +Latch right on to that tit. Wipin' little circles with his bread. +Wipin' little circles with his bread. Suckin' away. +Suckin' away. Well, it's a well-run campaign, midget'n broom'n whatnot. +Well, it's a well-run campaign, midget'n broom'n whatnot. Devil his due. +Devil his due. Helluva awgazation. +Ass right. Reason why he's pullin' ah pants down. +Reason why he's pullin' ah pants down. Gonna paddle ah little bee-hind. +Gonna paddle ah little bee-hind. Ain't gonna paddle it; he's gonna kick it real hard. +No, I believe he's a-gonna paddle it. Well now, I don't believe assa property scription. +Well now, I don't believe assa property scription. Well, that's how I characterize it. +Well, that's how I characterize it. Well, I believe it's mawva kickin' sichation. +Well, I believe it's mawva kickin' sichation. Pullin' ah pants down... +Pullin' ah pants down... Wipin' little circles with his bread... +Helluva idea. Cain't beat 'em, join 'em. +Cain't beat 'em, join 'em. Have him join us, run our campaign 'stead a that pencil-neck's. +Have him join us, run our campaign 'stead a that pencil-neck's. Enticements a power, wealth, settera. +Enticements a power, wealth, settera. No one says no to Pappy O'Daniel. +No one says no to Pappy O'Daniel. Oh gracious no. Not with his blandishments. +Oh gracious no. Not with his blandishments. Powas p'suasion. +Vernon Waldrip. Vernon T. Waldrip. +Pappy O'Daniel be laughing' then. Not out the other side his face, though. +Not out the other side his face, though. Oh no, no, just the reg'la side - +That ain't your daddy, Alvinelle. Your daddy was hit by a train. Now Penny, stop that! +Now Penny, stop that! No - you stop it! Vernon here's got a job. Vernon's got prospects. He's bona fide! What're you? +No - you stop it! Vernon here's got a job. Vernon's got prospects. He's bona fide! What're you? I'll tell you what I am - I'm the paterfamilias! You can't marry him! +I'll tell you what I am - I'm the paterfamilias! You can't marry him! I can and I am and I will - tomorrow! I gotta think about the little Wharvey gals! They look to me for answers! Vernon can s'port 'em and buy 'em lessons on the clarinet! The only good thing you ever did for the gals was get his by that train! +I can and I am and I will - tomorrow! I gotta think about the little Wharvey gals! They look to me for answers! Vernon can s'port 'em and buy 'em lessons on the clarinet! The only good thing you ever did for the gals was get his by that train! ...Why you... lyin,... unconstant... succubus! +McGill. No, the marriage'll take place as planned. Just a little change of cast. Me and the little lady are gonna pick up the pieces'n retie the knot, mixaphorically speakin'. You boys're invited, of course. Hell, you're best men! Already got the rings. +Where's your ring, honey? I ain't worn it since our divorce came through. It must still be in the rolltop in the old cabin. Never thought I'd need it; Vernon bought one encrusted with jewels. +I ain't worn it since our divorce came through. It must still be in the rolltop in the old cabin. Never thought I'd need it; Vernon bought one encrusted with jewels. Hell, now's the time to buy it off him cheap. +Hell, now's the time to buy it off him cheap. We ain't gettin' married with his ring! You said you'd changed! +We ain't gettin' married with his ring! You said you'd changed! Aw, honey, our ring is just a old pewter thing - +Aw, honey, our ring is just a old pewter thing - Ain't gonna be no weddin'. +Ain't gonna be no weddin'. It's just a symbol, honey - +It's just a symbol, honey - No weddin'. +All's well that ends well, as the poet says. That's right, honey. +That's right, honey. But I don't mind telling you, I'm awful pleased my adventuring days is at an end... +...Time for this old boy to enjoy some repose. That's good, honey. +That's good, honey. And you were right about that ring. Any other weddin' band would not do. But this-here was foreordained, honey; fate was a-smilin' on me, and ya have to have confidence - +That's not my ring. - in the gods - Huh? +- in the gods - Huh? That's not my ring. +That's not my ring. Not your... +Not your... That's one of Aunt Hurlene's. +That's one of Aunt Hurlene's. You said it was in the rolltop desk! +You said it was in the rolltop desk! I said I thought it was in the rolltop desk. +I said I thought it was in the rolltop desk. You said - +You said - Or, it might a been under the mattress. +Or, it might a been under the mattress. You - +You - Or in my chiffonier. I don't know. +Well, I'm sorry honey - Well, we need that ring. +Well, we need that ring. Well now honey, that ring is at the bottom of a pretty durned big lake. +Well now honey, that ring is at the bottom of a pretty durned big lake. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. A 9,000-hectacre lake, honey. +A 9,000-hectacre lake, honey. I don't care if it's ninety thousand. +I don't care if it's ninety thousand. Yes, but honey - +Yes, but honey - That wasn't my doing... +I counted to three, honey. Well sure, honey, but... +Wait a minute! Who elected you leader a this outfit? Well, Pete, I just figured it should be the one with capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus view, hell, let's put her to a vote! +Well, Pete, I just figured it should be the one with capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus view, hell, let's put her to a vote! Suits me! I'm votin' for yours truly! +Suits me! I'm votin' for yours truly! Well I'm votin' for yours truly too! +Pete's cousin turned us in for the bounty! The hell you say! Wash is kin! +YOU LOUSY YELLA-BELLIED LOW-DOWN SKUNKS- Now hold on, Pete, we gotta speak with one voice here - CAREFUL WITH THAT FIRE NOW, BOYS! +Huh?! They dam that river on the 21st. Today's the 17th! Don't I know it. +Don't I know it. We got but four days to get to that treasure! After that, it'll be at the bottom of a lake! +How's this a plan? How're we gonna get a car? Sell that. I figured it could only have painful associations for Wash. +To Washington Bartholomew Hogwallop. From his loving Cora. Ay-More Fie- dellis. It was in his bureau. +Who was fixing to betray us! You didn't know that at the time! +You didn't know that at the time! So I borrowed it till I did know! +So I borrowed it till I did know! That don't make no sense! +That don't make no sense! Pete, it's a fool looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart. What the hell's that singing? +Well, I'll be a sonofabitch. Delmar's been saved! Pete, don't be ignorant- +The preacher said it absolved us. For him, not for the law! I'm surprised at you, Pete. Hell, I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar. +Hell, at least it woulda washed away the stink of that pomade. Join you two ignorant fools in a ridiculous superstition? Thank you anyway. And I like the smell of my hair treatment - the pleasing odor is half the point. +A million dollars. Million point two. +An' all my meals for free... What about you, Delmar? What're you gonna do with your share a that dough? +Me? Oh, I didn't have no plan. Still don't, really. Well that hardly sounds like you... +The hell it ain't square one! Ain't no one gonna pick up three filthy unshaved hitchhikers, and one of 'em a know-it-all that can't keep his trap shut! Pete, the personal rancor reflected in that remark I don't intend to dignify with comment, but I would like to address your general attitude of hopeless negativism. Consider the lilies a the goddamn field, or-hell!- take a look at Delmar here as your paradigm a hope. +Itta Bena, now, uh, that would be... Isn't it, uh... +...Nah, that ain't right... I'm thinkin' of... ...I believe, unless I'm very much mistaken - see, we've been away for several years, uh... +It was a moment a weakness! Quitcha babblin' Pete - time to skedaddle. +They lured me out for a bathe, then they dunked me'n trussed me up like a hog and turned me in for the bounty. I shoulda guessed it - typical womanly behavior. Just lucky we left before they came for us. +It's awful white of ya to take it like that, Everett. I feel wretched, spoilin' yer play for a million dollars'n point two. It's been eatin' at my guts. Aw, that's all right. +Pete, uh, I don't want ya to beat yourself up about this thing... I cain't help it, but that's a wonderful thing to say! +I cain't help it, but that's a wonderful thing to say! Well, but Pete... +Fact of the matter - there never was! But... but... +But... Damnit, I just hadda bust out! My wife wrote me she was gettin' married! I gotta stop it! +...No treasure... I had two weeks left on my sentence... I couldn't wait two weeks! She's gettin' married tomorra! +I couldn't wait two weeks! She's gettin' married tomorra! ...With my added time for the escape, I don't get out now 'til 1987... I'll be eighty-four years old. +Pete... I do apologize. Eighty-four years old! I'll be gummin' pab-you-lum! +Well, it's a invitation-only affair; we'll have to sneak in through the service entrance- Wait a minute - who elected you leader a this outfit? Since we been followin' your lead we got nothin' but trouble! I gotten this close to bein' strung up, n'consumed in a fire, 'n whipped no end, 'n sunstroked, 'n soggied - +This is crazy. No one's ever gonna believe we're a real band. No, this is gonna work! I just gotta get close enough to talk to her. Takin' off with us is got a lot more future in it than marrying a guy named Waldrip. I'm goddamn bona fide. I've got the answers! +We prayed to God and he pitied us! It just never fails; once again you two hayseeds are showin' how much you want for innalect. There's a perfectly scientific explanation for what just happened - +It just never fails; once again you two hayseeds are showin' how much you want for innalect. There's a perfectly scientific explanation for what just happened - That ain't the tune you were singin' back there at the gallows! +That ain't the tune you were singin' back there at the gallows! Well any human being will cast about in a moment of stress. No, the fact is, they're flooding this valley so they can hydro-electric up the whole durned state... +Two weeks! That don't do me no good! Nearest Ford auto man's Bristol. +Hold on there - I don't want this pomade, I want Dapper Dan. I don't carry Dapper Dan. I carry Fop. +I don't carry Dapper Dan. I carry Fop. No! I don't want Fop! Goddamnit - I use Dapper Dan! +No! I don't want Fop! Goddamnit - I use Dapper Dan! Watch your language, young fellow, this is a public market. Now, if you want Dapper Dan I can order it for you, have it in a couple of weeks. +Watch your language, young fellow, this is a public market. Now, if you want Dapper Dan I can order it for you, have it in a couple of weeks. Well, ain't this place a geographical oddity-two weeks from everywhere! Forget it! Just the dozen hairnets! +Who's the honcho around here? I am. Hur you? +I am. Hur you? Well sir, my name is Jordan Rivers and these here are the Soggy Bottom Boys outta Cottonelia Mississippi- Songs of Salvation to Salve the Soul. We hear you pay good money to sing into a can. +Well sir, my name is Jordan Rivers and these here are the Soggy Bottom Boys outta Cottonelia Mississippi- Songs of Salvation to Salve the Soul. We hear you pay good money to sing into a can. Well that all depends. You boys do Negro songs? +Sir, we are Negroes. All except our a-cump- uh, company-accompluh- uh, the fella that plays the gui-tar. Well, I don't record Negro songs. I'm lookin' for some ol'-timey material. Why, people just can't get enough of it since we started broadcastin' the 'Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour', so thanks for stoppin' by, but- +Well, I don't record Negro songs. I'm lookin' for some ol'-timey material. Why, people just can't get enough of it since we started broadcastin' the 'Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour', so thanks for stoppin' by, but- Sir, the Soggy Bottom Boys been steeped in ol'-timey material. Heck, you're silly with it, aintcha boys? +Hot damn, boy, I almost believe you did sell your soul to the devil! Boys, that was some mighty fine pickin' and singin'. You just sign these papers and I'll give you ten dollars apiece. +Boys, that was some mighty fine pickin' and singin'. You just sign these papers and I'll give you ten dollars apiece. Okay sir, but Mert and Aloysius'll have to scratch Xes - only four of us can write. +Now what can I do you for, Mister French? How can I lay hold a the Soggy Bottom Boys? +How can I lay hold a the Soggy Bottom Boys? Soggy Bottom Boys - I don't precisely recollect, uh - +Soggy Bottom Boys - I don't precisely recollect, uh - They cut a record in here, few days ago, old-timey harmony thing with a guitar Accump-accump-uh- +They cut a record in here, few days ago, old-timey harmony thing with a guitar Accump-accump-uh- Oh I remember 'em, colored fellas I believe, swell bunch a boys, sung into yon can and skedaddled. +Oh I remember 'em, colored fellas I believe, swell bunch a boys, sung into yon can and skedaddled. Well that record has just gone through the goddamn roof! They're playin' it as far away as Mobile! The whole damn state's goin' ape! +Well that record has just gone through the goddamn roof! They're playin' it as far away as Mobile! The whole damn state's goin' ape! It was a powerful air. +It was a powerful air. Hot damn, we gotta find those boys! Sign 'em to a big fat contract! Hell's bells, Mr. Lunn, if we don't the goddamn competition will! +Hot damn, we gotta find those boys! Sign 'em to a big fat contract! Hell's bells, Mr. Lunn, if we don't the goddamn competition will! Oh mercy, yes. You gotta beat that competition. +Languishing! Goddamn campaign is languishing! We need a shot inna arm! Hear me, boys? Inna goddamn ARM! Election held tomorra, that sonofabitch Stokes would win it in a walk! Well he's the reform candidate, Daddy. +...Yeah? Well people like that reform. Maybe we should get us some. +I signed that bill! I signed a dozen a those aggi-culture bills! Everyone knows I'm a friend a the fahmuh! What do I gotta do, start diddlin' livestock?! We cain't do that, Daddy, we might offend our constichency. +We cain't do that, Daddy, we might offend our constichency. We ain't got a constichency! Stokes got a constichency! +Holy-moly. These boys're a hit! But Pappy, they's inter-grated. +But Pappy, they's inter-grated. Well I guess folks don't mind they's integrated. +Daddy! He ain't our daddy! +Mama said you was hit by a train! Blooey! +That's a maiden name. You got a maiden name, Daddy? +It's bona fide! He's a suitor! +She's at the five and dime. Buyin' nipples! +You, Zack? Yes, Sir. +Yes, Sir. I'm Byron. Nice to meet you. C'mon. Let's go get your luggage. +How was the flight? They take care of you okay? Long way from Norfolk, isn't it? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Listen, kid, I was sorry to hear about your mom. That's pretty rough. I would've returned your call a lot sooner but I was out at sea... +Listen, kid, I was sorry to hear about your mom. That's pretty rough. I would've returned your call a lot sooner but I was out at sea... I been calling for four months. +I been calling for four months. Well, that's how long I've been out at sea. +This is it. This is where I live. I suppose you could bunk over there and you could go to school at the base. Great. +Great. I'm not finished. I'll only be in port one week a month and when I'm here you'd never catch me playing daddy with you 'cause it's not who I am. Like I told you on the phone, you I'd be better off in that state school back in Virginia. +I'm not finished. I'll only be in port one week a month and when I'm here you'd never catch me playing daddy with you 'cause it's not who I am. Like I told you on the phone, you I'd be better off in that state school back in Virginia. I ain't never going back to that school, sir. +I ain't never going back to that school, sir. You got to kid. Let me spell it out for you. This is a whorehouse. And I happen to like my life the way it is and nobody's gonna make me change. +You got to kid. Let me spell it out for you. This is a whorehouse. And I happen to like my life the way it is and nobody's gonna make me change. I don't care about that. I just ain't going back. You don't want me? Okay. I'll find me another place. +Come back here, kid! What for? +What for? Okay, okay. You win. +Okay, okay. You win. Thank you, sir! +Thank you, sir! Stop calling me 'sir! I ain't no officer. My name is Byron. +Hi, Byron. Zack, you little shit! You haven't changed a bit! +Zack, you little shit! You haven't changed a bit! Neither have you, pard! +Hey, honey, look at this! My son! Isn't he beautiful? You should've called! You were out at sea! Hey, guess what? I graduated. I got my degree. +You were out at sea! Hey, guess what? I graduated. I got my degree. I thought you quit school. Last I heard you were on your way to a construction job or something down in Brazil. +I thought you quit school. Last I heard you were on your way to a construction job or something down in Brazil. Yeah, I made some money down there, then I talked my way into another college and I did it. I wasn't magna cum laude but I did okay. You should've seen me in my cap and gown. +Yeah, I made some money down there, then I talked my way into another college and I did it. I wasn't magna cum laude but I did okay. You should've seen me in my cap and gown. Why the fuck didn't you invite me? I would've come. +Ay, palequero. Never hochi in the P.I. Wha-chu-say, palequero? Short time, long time, only ten dolla. +So what're you doing in Seattle? Get ready pard. This one's gonna blow you away. +Get ready pard. This one's gonna blow you away. Zackie, nothing you do will ever surprise me, pard, not after some of the shit you've pulled. +Zackie, nothing you do will ever surprise me, pard, not after some of the shit you've pulled. I joined the Navy. +You... in the Navy? That's right. I'm on my way over to this officer school in Port Ranier. +That's right. I'm on my way over to this officer school in Port Ranier. Why? +Why? To fly jets. To be the fastest motherfucker in the world. You gotta come and visit me. I'm only a couple hours away. +To fly jets. To be the fastest motherfucker in the world. You gotta come and visit me. I'm only a couple hours away. Who gave you this idea? +Who gave you this idea? Nobody. It just came to me. +Don't be pissed. I'm on your side, Pard. I just don't want you to do something you'll regret. You gotta give six years to the Navy if you wanna fly... that's six years with the most uptight assholes God put on this earth. Officers aren't like you and me, man. It's another breed. You afraid you'll have to salute me, Chief? +You afraid you'll have to salute me, Chief? Fuck, no! Why would I care about something as dumb as that? +Fuck, no! Why would I care about something as dumb as that? I don't know. That's just how it sounded. Well, I'll see you. +Hey, what did you want? A lot of fatherly bullshit? A big pat on the back? From you, pard? Never. Thanks for the graduation present. +From you, pard? Never. Thanks for the graduation present. Hey, Zackie -- don't go away mad. +Who's that? Nobody. Just a girl I've been making it with the last couple of weekends. +Nobody. Just a girl I've been making it with the last couple of weekends. Great ass. +Great ass. Yeah, I sort of thought so myself. +Yeah, I sort of thought so myself. Better watch out for that kind, Zackie. You know what they call 'em, don't ya? +Better watch out for that kind, Zackie. You know what they call 'em, don't ya? Yeah, I know. +Yeah, I know. Back east in Newport, Rhode Island, they call 'em the Fall River Debs. In Pensacola, the Mobile Debs. In Norfolk -- +Back east in Newport, Rhode Island, they call 'em the Fall River Debs. In Pensacola, the Mobile Debs. In Norfolk -- That what she was... a Norfolk Deb? +That what she was... a Norfolk Deb? Who? Aw shit, Zackie, let's not get off on your mother again, please. +Who? Aw shit, Zackie, let's not get off on your mother again, please. What if I want to talk about her, pard? What then? You know, that's all I've ever heard from you, since I was a kid... you never want to talk about that, man, and it's important. +What if I want to talk about her, pard? What then? You know, that's all I've ever heard from you, since I was a kid... you never want to talk about that, man, and it's important. There's nothing to talk about. Two goddamn times I made it with your old lady. We barely even talked. +That's not how she told it. She said you wrote her every week you were away. I wrote. Not every week... +I wrote. Not every week... She said you told her in every letter how much you loved her, how you wanted to marry her, have children with her... +She said you told her in every letter how much you loved her, how you wanted to marry her, have children with her... I never said any of that! +I never said any of that! I found them, pard, and read them myself, right after she did it! +I found them, pard, and read them myself, right after she did it! Okay, I wrote those things... and yeah, I had big thoughts of getting together with your mom... but when she hit me with being pregnant, I saw who she was. I'd had quiff lay that shit on me before! +Okay, I wrote those things... and yeah, I had big thoughts of getting together with your mom... but when she hit me with being pregnant, I saw who she was. I'd had quiff lay that shit on me before! What did you call her? What did I hear you call her, you son of a bitch? +I knew you'd make it! Where's your girl? Didn't she come? Naw. That's over with. +You're pretty funny, Mayo. Maybe we'll be roommates, Seeger, and you'll find out how funny I really am... +Hey, baby, you could get sent to war, get your ass shot down. Don't lose any sleep over it. I wouldn't mind being the first woman to fly a jet fighter in combat. +Don't lose any sleep over it. I wouldn't mind being the first woman to fly a jet fighter in combat. Great. You can go in my place. +Good morning, girls. Ever heard of knocking, mayo? +Ever heard of knocking, mayo? Hey, did you hear? Sands and Kantrowitz DORed last night. Survival of the fittest. +Hey, did you hear? Sands and Kantrowitz DORed last night. Survival of the fittest. The whole world's a jungle, huh, Mayo? Dog eat dog down to the last one, right? +The whole world's a jungle, huh, Mayo? Dog eat dog down to the last one, right? You got it, Sweet Pea. Nice boonies, Seeger. +Zack, we've got to go. Just trying to have fun. That fucking prison is really starting to get to me. C'mon, Seeger. Gimme a push. Fuck you guys! I'll do it myself! +Go on, Zack! Go for the record! Fuck the record. Now you listen to me and do exactly what I tell you. Start back ten yards and take off from here. Not here... or there... but right here! No excuses, Seeger! You are going to plant those legs here and then you're going to yank yourself over that wall because you have to! You want jets? Then do it, goddamnit! +Joe! Come over here where I can see you. +Esther, do you think she's using... ...birth control? Yes, Joe. +Yes, Joe. When did this happen? +When did this happen? A long time ago. +He doesn't mean anything by it, Zack. Do you, Joe? I don't mean anything by it. +Are you laughing at me, dick-brain? No, sir! +What's your name, boy? Mayo, Zack Mayo, sir! +Mayo, Zack Mayo, sir! How did you slip into this program, Mayo? I didn't know the Navy was so hard up. You got an injury there, Mayo? +How did you slip into this program, Mayo? I didn't know the Navy was so hard up. You got an injury there, Mayo? Not exactly, sir. +Where'd you get this, Mayo? This is really wonder work. Subic Bay, sir. In the Philippines. +Subic Bay, sir. In the Philippines. I thought I recognized the work. Be proud of those wings. They're the only ones you're gonna leave here with, Mayo-naise. +I want your D.O.R. No, sir. You can kick me out, but I'm not quitting. +No, sir. You can kick me out, but I'm not quitting. Get into your fatigues, Mayo. Before the weekend's out, you'll quit. +She may not make it through the program, but she's got more heart and more character than you'll ever have. I've seen your college record. I've never heard of most of those schools. Tell me something, Mayo. Did you buy that degree? No, sir! It was the hardest thing I ever did, sir! Until this. +No, sir! It was the hardest thing I ever did, sir! Until this. That's a lie, Mayo. You've gone through a lot worse, haven't you? +Stop eyeballing me, mister! I've looked through your file and done a little checking, and I know it all. I know about your mother. I know your old man's an alcoholic and a whore chaser. Life sure has dealt you some shitty cards! Hasn't it, Mayo? I'm doing okay, sir. +I'm doing okay, sir. No you're not. You're failing the big one, baby, and I don't just mean in here. I mean in life. I've watched you, Mayo, and you don't mesh. You grab-ass and joke around but you don't make friends, not the way the others do. +Hey, what do you say we call off this little charade of yours over a couple of beers at Trader Jon's...? Come on, man. You're about as close to being officer material as me. Sir, this candidate believes he'll make a good officer, sir! +Sir, this candidate believes he'll make a good officer, sir! No way, Mayo. You don't give a shit about anybody but yourself and every single one of your classmates knows it. Think they'd trust you behind the controls of a plane they have to fly in? Hey, man, I figure you for the kind of guy who'd zip off one day in my F-14 and sell it to the Cubans. +No way, Mayo. You don't give a shit about anybody but yourself and every single one of your classmates knows it. Think they'd trust you behind the controls of a plane they have to fly in? Hey, man, I figure you for the kind of guy who'd zip off one day in my F-14 and sell it to the Cubans. Sir, that's not true! I love my country! +Sir, that's not true! I love my country! Sell it to the Air Force, Mayo! +I want to fly, sir! That's no reason. Everybody wants to fly. My grandmother wants to fly. You going after a job with one of the airlines? +That's no reason. Everybody wants to fly. My grandmother wants to fly. You going after a job with one of the airlines? I want to fly jets, sir! +I want to fly jets, sir! Why? Because you can do it alone? +Why? Because you can do it alone? No, sir! +No, sir! What is it, the kicks? Is that it? +What is it, the kicks? Is that it? I don't want to do something anybody can do. +I don't want to do something anybody can do. Pity you don't have the character. +Pity you don't have the character. That's not true, sir! I've changed a lot since I've been here! And I'm gonna make it, sir! +That's not true, sir! I've changed a lot since I've been here! And I'm gonna make it, sir! Not a fucking chance, asshole! +Mayo, are those your friends? Yes, sir! +Yes, sir! Maybe there's hope for you yet. +You didn't kick him out...? Wait, didn't he tell you what he's been going through? It doesn't matter what he's going through. That's the whole purpose of this zoo. What matters is he freaked out for some reason at twenty-five thousand feet and that can't ever happen again. +It doesn't matter what he's going through. That's the whole purpose of this zoo. What matters is he freaked out for some reason at twenty-five thousand feet and that can't ever happen again. But you don't understand. There's this girl he's gotten pregnant and she's putting him through hell, sir. +I thought the D.I.'s were supposed to help you in this place! What kind of human being are you? Stop eyeballing me, Mayo, or you're out! +Mayo, the rest of your class knows about candidate Worley, and we're all sorry. Sir, this officer candidate requests permission to speak to you in private. +Sir, this officer candidate requests permission to speak to you in private. I'm busy, Mayo. It'll have to wait. +I'm busy, Mayo. It'll have to wait. It's important, sir! +It's important, sir! Mayo, you didn't hear me -- I said I I'm busy! And so are you! Go get cleaned up! +Mayo, you didn't hear me -- I said I I'm busy! And so are you! Go get cleaned up! Aw screw it... +What're you waiting for, Mayo? Get your scuzzy ass up here. Yes, sir! +You're good. Get on your feet and find out how good, sir. +Congratulations, Ensign Mayo, sir! I'll never forget you as long as I live, Sergeant. +I'll never forget you as long as I live, Sergeant. I know. +I know. Well, goodbye. +See you in the fleet, sir! Yeah. See you in the fleet, Sarge. And thank you. +Hi, son. How're you doing, Sarge? +What did you call me? Pardon? +Pardon? What did you call me, boy? +What did you call me, boy? I called you Sarge. +I called you Sarge. Before that. +Before that. I didn't call you anything before that. +I didn't call you anything before that. You said, 'How're you?' I am not a 'ewe,' boy! A ewe is a female sheep, boy! Is that what you think I am, boy? +You said, 'How're you?' I am not a 'ewe,' boy! A ewe is a female sheep, boy! Is that what you think I am, boy? No. +No. No, sir! +No, sir! No, sir. +No, sir. Lauder, Sweet Pea! +Lauder, Sweet Pea! No, sir! +No, sir! Do you want to fuck me up the ass, boy? Is that why you called me a 'ewe'? Are you a queer? +Do you want to fuck me up the ass, boy? Is that why you called me a 'ewe'? Are you a queer? No, sir. +No, sir. Where are you from, boy? +Where are you from, boy? Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. +Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Only two things come out of Oklahoma, steers and queers. Which one are you, boy? I don't see any horns so you must be a queer. +Only two things come out of Oklahoma, steers and queers. Which one are you, boy? I don't see any horns so you must be a queer. No, sir. +No, sir. Stop whispering, Sweet Pea, you're giving me a hard on! +Whatever you say, Mayonnaise. Fall out on the lawn in five minutes, in your Poopie suits! +What did you call me, Mayo? Zack, don't! +"Now when I say ""understand"" I want the whole group to say, ""Yes, sir!"" Understand?" Yes, sir! +Yes, sir! Louder! +Louder! Yes, sir!! +Yes, sir!! I don't believe what I'm seeing! Where've you been all your lives, at an orgy? Listening to Mick Jagger and bad mouthing your country, I'll bet. +Stop eyeballing me, boy! You are not worthy enough to look your superiors in the eye. Use your peripheral vision! Understand?! Yes, sir! +I know why most of you are here. We're not stupid. But before you get to sell what we teach you over at United Airlines, you gotta give the Navy six years of your life, Sweet Pea. Lot of things can happen in six year. Another war could come up in six years. If you're too peaceful a person to dump napalm on an enemy village where there might be women and children, I'm gonna find that out. Understand? Yes, sir! +I know I'm late and I'm sorry, but Mrs. Rufferwell asked us to help with the cleanup and... I said, come here! +Daddy, I don't want to get into anything with you tonight. I'm tired and I... What are you tired from? +I don't know what it is. It could be anything. But you knew right off what I was talking about, didn't you, Paula! Did you let that boy -- +Don't you dare ask me that question. I'm an adult and you got no right to push your nose into my affairs like that! Well, as long as you live in this house, young lady, you live by my rules! You should be dating local boys. +Well, as long as you live in this house, young lady, you live by my rules! You should be dating local boys. Uh-uh! Not a chance! There's nobody in this town doing anything with his life, except what his father did, which is nothing. If I can't have more out of life than that, I'd rather be dead! +Uh-uh! Not a chance! There's nobody in this town doing anything with his life, except what his father did, which is nothing. If I can't have more out of life than that, I'd rather be dead! Do you honestly think you'll find a boy in that... that officer's school who's serious about marriage? +Do you honestly think you'll find a boy in that... that officer's school who's serious about marriage? Yes I do! +Yes I do! Then you're dumber than I thought! All you'll get from their kind is pregnant! +Is this you boys first night of liberty since you got here? Yes, ma'am. Four long, hard weeks of sacrifice for my country... for my people... for you. But I survived. +You been through the Dilbert Dunker yet? Cake walk. Both my dad and my brother went through it and made it, so I know I can. +Cake walk. Both my dad and my brother went through it and made it, so I know I can. Is your brother a flyer? +Is your brother a flyer? He was. He died. +He was. He died. Vietnam? +Vietnam? Yeah. +Yeah. I had a big brother who died over there, too. He wasn't no flyer though. He was just your basic Marine Corps type. I was only twelve when it happened, so I don't remember much about him. +I had a big brother who died over there, too. He wasn't no flyer though. He was just your basic Marine Corps type. I was only twelve when it happened, so I don't remember much about him. I sure remember Tommy. Mind if we talked about something else? +I sure remember Tommy. Mind if we talked about something else? We don't have to talk at all. +Something tells me you've been here before. Now what on earth would give you an idea like that? +You're sure it's okay? Don't worry. I'll respect you afterwards. +What would you girls like to do? Want to stick around here for a little or... or could I suggest another plan...? Like pick up some booze and go to a motel? +Like pick up some booze and go to a motel? Or we could do that yeah. +Sid Worley, I think you're ashamed of me. Ashamed? No -- I love you, Lynette. I mean that. After I leave them, I'll meet you at the motel, okay? +Ashamed? No -- I love you, Lynette. I mean that. After I leave them, I'll meet you at the motel, okay? If you won't take me to dinner with your parents, I won't meet you at the motel. +If you won't take me to dinner with your parents, I won't meet you at the motel. Lynette, I told you already, it won't work. +Lynette, I told you already, it won't work. Then, I'll see you around. +By the way, shouldn't you have had a period by now? I'm a little late, that's all. +I'm a little late, that's all. How late? +How late? What difference does it make? If anything was to happen, which I'm sure it isn't, it would be my responsibility. +What difference does it make? If anything was to happen, which I'm sure it isn't, it would be my responsibility. Exactly how late are you, Lynette? +Exactly how late are you, Lynette? What do you care? Suppose I was pregnant. Just suppose it. You don't think I'd try to make you do anything you don't want to, do you? +What do you care? Suppose I was pregnant. Just suppose it. You don't think I'd try to make you do anything you don't want to, do you? No. But that's not the only issue here, sweetheart. There's a lot more to it than that. +What other issue is there, Sid? My responsibility as its father, for one. I mean, if I've made you pregnant, I'd want to... do the right thing. +...I'd want to pay for the abortion... I'd want to be with you through the whole thing... by your side. So how late are you, Lynette? Let's just wait and see what happens. +Hi, babe. Come on. I've got a couple of things I want to tell you. What're you doing out of uniform, Sid? You don't want to get in trouble. +What're you doing out of uniform, Sid? You don't want to get in trouble. Forget that. Come on. Got a little surprise... +Forget that. Come on. Got a little surprise... I can't go like this. Can't you wait a few minutes 'til I'm ready? +I can't go like this. Can't you wait a few minutes 'til I'm ready? No way. I'm so happy I'm about to bust. Here, honey. This is for you. It cost me my whole savings, but I said what the fuck. +Sid! Oh, it's beautiful! You mean... That's right. Let's get married, Lynette. Let's find a justice of the peace and just do it! +Let's go tell Paula! God, I wonder where we'll be stationed first. I hope it'll be Hawaii. I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. We're not gonna be stationed anywhere, baby. I DORed. +We're not gonna be stationed anywhere, baby. I DORed. You what? +You what? I had to, baby... I'm no aviator. I was faking it, like I was with everything else in my life... up 'til right now. +I had to, baby... I'm no aviator. I was faking it, like I was with everything else in my life... up 'til right now. But... but what would we do? Where would we go? +But... but what would we do? Where would we go? Oklahoma. I can get my old job back at JC Penney's. In a couple of years, I'll be floor manager. Oh, you're gonna love Oklahoma, Lynette. You and mama'll get along just great. Of course, money will be a little tight for a while, but we'll make it. +Oklahoma. I can get my old job back at JC Penney's. In a couple of years, I'll be floor manager. Oh, you're gonna love Oklahoma, Lynette. You and mama'll get along just great. Of course, money will be a little tight for a while, but we'll make it. Sid, there's no baby. +Sid, there's no baby. What? +What? I'm not pregnant. I got my period this morning. There's no baby, Sid. +I'm not pregnant. I got my period this morning. There's no baby, Sid. Well, I'll be goddamned. +Come on, guys. It's five o'clock. One more minute. +Far fucking out! I've been wanting to meet one of the Blue Angels since I can remember. Lynette, watch your mouth! Somebody might overhear. +Lynette, watch your mouth! Somebody might overhear. Paula, look at the new Poopies. +Paula, look at the new Poopies. Yeah, I saw 'em. Poor guys. +Yeah, I saw 'em. Poor guys. See you in a month when you get liberty! +See you in a month when you get liberty! Don't worry. It grows out about an inch by them. +That was you guys, huh? Come on. Let's go dance. +Hurry, Lynette. It's almost midnight. I got my foot on the floor. +Well, it you're not gonna ask, then I will. How was it? Great. +Great. Details, Pokrif. From what I saw he had an incredible body. +Details, Pokrif. From what I saw he had an incredible body. Yeah... Mmmm... +Yeah... Mmmm... What did he do? Did he do anything that was different? +What did he do? Did he do anything that was different? Everything was different. +Everything was different. But in what ways? +How did it go with you guys? Big Sid came in about two and a half seconds, then had the nerve to ask, 'Did you make it, too, sweetheart?' +He ask you out for next weekend? No, but I told him I'd be at the Town Tavern next Saturday night, and he sounded like he might come. +No, but I told him I'd be at the Town Tavern next Saturday night, and he sounded like he might come. I told Zack about Saturday night, too. The fifth week's supposed to be the roughest. Come Wednesday, he'll be wishing he took my number. +I told Zack about Saturday night, too. The fifth week's supposed to be the roughest. Come Wednesday, he'll be wishing he took my number. You hope. +You hope. He'll show. I'd bet my paycheck on it. +You serious about having him over? I haven't made up my mind. +Paula, how far would you go to catch Zack? What do you mean? +What do you mean? You know what I mean. Would you... let yourself get pregnant? +You know what I mean. Would you... let yourself get pregnant? No way... Would you? +No way... Would you? I never used to think I'd do something like that, but now I'm not so sure. You ask me, nine weeks just ain't long enough to get a guy to fall in love with you. +I never used to think I'd do something like that, but now I'm not so sure. You ask me, nine weeks just ain't long enough to get a guy to fall in love with you. That don't justify trying to trap a boy by getting pregnant, Lynette! Nothing justifies that. I can't believe you're even thinking like that. I mean, that's really backward. +That don't justify trying to trap a boy by getting pregnant, Lynette! Nothing justifies that. I can't believe you're even thinking like that. I mean, that's really backward. No more backward, if you ask me, than the way these hotshot assholes fuck us, then ditch us. Don't you ever feel used, Paula? Don't you ever feel like if this is all you get for your trouble then the sonofabitch ought to be paying for it...? +No more backward, if you ask me, than the way these hotshot assholes fuck us, then ditch us. Don't you ever feel used, Paula? Don't you ever feel like if this is all you get for your trouble then the sonofabitch ought to be paying for it...? No. I never feel like that. +No. I never feel like that. I do. +Lynette, where's Sid? Already come and gone. Can you believe it? He DORed in the twelfth week. How can you win? +God help you, Lynette! You're no better than me, Paula! You're just the same! +You're no better than me, Paula! You're just the same! No! That's not true! +God! I've never seen anything like that in my whole life! Did you see that guy's nose? Lynette, just keep your mouth shut until we get to the motel. Will you do that for me, please. +Lynette, just keep your mouth shut until we get to the motel. Will you do that for me, please. Well, excuse me for livin'! +What did you tell him about the baby? That there isn't one, as of today. I had my period. I couldn't believe it. He still wanted to marry me. +That there isn't one, as of today. I had my period. I couldn't believe it. He still wanted to marry me. And you turned him down?? +And you turned him down?? Of course. I don't want no Okie from Muscogee. I can get that right here in Port Angeles. +You little bitch! How could you? Was there ever a baby, Lynette? That's all I want to know! Did you make up that baby, Lynette? Did you?? Of course there was a baby. I'd never lie about something like that. Would I, Paula? +Hey, what kind of name is Pokrifki? Polish. What kind of name is Mayo? +Polish. What kind of name is Mayo? Italian. My mom was Irish. I got her ears. But the rest is all wop. +Italian. My mom was Irish. I got her ears. But the rest is all wop. Where are you from, Mayo the Wop? +Where are you from, Mayo the Wop? Everywhere and nowhere, Paula the Polack. +Everywhere and nowhere, Paula the Polack. Seriously. +Seriously. My father is a Rear Admiral in the Seventh Fleet. +My father is a Rear Admiral in the Seventh Fleet. Really? +Really? Yeah. We've lived all over the world. Katmandu, Moscow, Nairobi. +Yeah. We've lived all over the world. Katmandu, Moscow, Nairobi. Really? I've never been out of Washington except once when I visited this aunt of mine over to Portland. I mean, over at Portland. Ain't it pathetic the way folks talk around here? +You got a girl? No, and I'm not looking for one either. +I hear most of the girls who come to these things are looking for a husband. Not me. +Not me. Yeah? Why're you here? +Yeah? Why're you here? To meet interesting people, improve myself. You wouldn't believe the losers we got over in Port Angeles. +To meet interesting people, improve myself. You wouldn't believe the losers we got over in Port Angeles. Do you go to school? +Do you go to school? No. I work for National Paper. It's a good job. I make eight-twenty-three an hour. When I get enough money saved, I plan to go on to college. +Think you'll make it all the way to getting your wings? Who knows? Guys a lot smarter than me are dropping out like flies. +Who knows? Guys a lot smarter than me are dropping out like flies. Just think 'I'm gonna do it!' Program yourself. See yourself making it. It'll happen. I know 'cause I just read this article in Cosmo, and it was about that very thing. +Just think 'I'm gonna do it!' Program yourself. See yourself making it. It'll happen. I know 'cause I just read this article in Cosmo, and it was about that very thing. You're a very pretty girl, Paula. +I think we're making some of the locals jealous. Who cares? Mmmm. Now I remember. Mayo the Wop. Gee, I'm glad you're here. I've been looking forward to this all week. +Who cares? Mmmm. Now I remember. Mayo the Wop. Gee, I'm glad you're here. I've been looking forward to this all week. Me, too. +I vote for the motel. My kinda group! +I shouldn't have done that. I should've walked. He didn't give you much choice. +He didn't give you much choice. There's always a choice. +There's always a choice. Where'd you learn to fight like that? +Where'd you learn to fight like that? I don't feel like talking, if you don't mind. +I don't feel like talking, if you don't mind. Opening up just a little wouldn't kill you, ya know. +You want me to fuck you? Is that it? Okay, come here. Take your clothes off. Get into bed. Where's that coming from? I wouldn't fuck now if my life depended on it! +Where's that coming from? I wouldn't fuck now if my life depended on it! Forget it. Just get out of here. +I don't know who you think you're talking to! I ain't some whore you brought here! I've been trying to be your friend and you treat me like shit! Be a friend. Leave. +Be a friend. Leave. You got no manners and you never tell the truth! You're nothin' special. And if you ask me, you got no chance at all of being an officer! +You stayed after all. Wrong. I've driven a hundred and twenty miles, told a hundred and twenty lies, and said a hundred and twenty Hail Mary's since I saw you. Hungry? +Wrong. I've driven a hundred and twenty miles, told a hundred and twenty lies, and said a hundred and twenty Hail Mary's since I saw you. Hungry? I'm starving. +Paula, I never try to fool anybody about who I am, what I want... so if even in the back of your -- I know who you are and what you want. +I know who you are and what you want. What do you want, Paula? What do you really want? +What do you want, Paula? What do you really want? To have a good time with you until you have to go. +To have a good time with you until you have to go. That's it? +Zack, I dare you not to fall in love with me. I ain't gonna get serious with you, no way. But how can you resist me? I'm like candy. You're better than candy. +You're better than candy. I'm serious. It's gonna be hard to get enough. +Zack, when you're through with a girl, what do you do? Do you say something or do you just... disappear? I've never had a girl. +I forgot to thank you for breakfast. Any time, sailor. +That was great. It sure was. +Want me to get a towel? I'll get it if you want. +I'll get it if you want. I don't want you to move. +I don't want you to move. I don't want to move. But somebody has to move sometime. Eventually. +I don't want to move. But somebody has to move sometime. Eventually. They found them like that, shriveled up from weeks without food or water... +You know, sometimes I wish I was one of those girls they're letting in the flight program these days. God, I'd love to fly. What's stopping you? +I don't care what the magazines say... it's just not as easy being a girl, especially from a Catholic family. You don't know the junk I grew up listening to, 'bout the way women are supposed to think and act. That's no excuse for not going after what you want. +That's no excuse for not going after what you want. Who says I'm not going after what I want? My mother's thirty-nine years old and she still works in that factory. Every time I see her, I know exactly what I don't want. +My old lady swallowed a bottle of pills one day while I was at school. God. +God. The thing that really got to me... she didn't leave a note. Nothing. I've always hated her for that. +The thing that really got to me... she didn't leave a note. Nothing. I've always hated her for that. Does it still hurt? +Does it still hurt? Naw. You're alone in this world no matter what kinda folks or background you had. Nothing hurts, pard, once you got that one down. +I'm sorry. I can't sit with you. I understand. Maybe we'll see each other after the show... +What's the matter? Nothing. Go back to the show, Paula. +Nothing. Go back to the show, Paula. I've seen all that a hundred times. +I've seen all that a hundred times. Hey, will you just leave me alone? +Come on. Invite me. All day the idea of a family Sunday dinner's been coming into my head. Since you're the only one I know around here with family... Zack, I don't know if I want to do that... +Hey, what about Sunday dinner? When're you gonna let me know? When I'm good and ready. +Hi. Are those for me? +Are those for me? No, they're for your mom. +I'm so embarrassed. I knew I shouldn't have brought you here. No, it's okay. It was a great free meal. Everybody was so uptight I felt sorry for you. +No, it's okay. It was a great free meal. Everybody was so uptight I felt sorry for you. That's okay. I'm used to it. +So, after you graduate you go on to basic flight, right? Is that in Pensacola? Yeah, then if I get jets, it's on to Beeville, Texas. +Zack, do you ever think about what it'd be like to have kids... a family. No. Is that what you want? +No. Is that what you want? Some day. When I'm sure I can do a better job of it than my folks. +Some day. When I'm sure I can do a better job of it than my folks. What would you do differently? +What would you do differently? For a start, I wouldn't marry a man I wasn't in love with. +For a start, I wouldn't marry a man I wasn't in love with. Why'd your mom marry that guy if she didn't love him? +Why'd your mom marry that guy if she didn't love him? Because my real father wouldn't marry her. +Because my real father wouldn't marry her. Your real father? +Your real father was an Officer candidate like me? Twenty-two years ago. +Twenty-two years ago. No wonder he was looking at me like that. +Call me during the week if you get the chance. I'll try, but this week we go into survival training, so I can't make any promises. Well, thanks again for dinner. Thank your mom again for me, will you? +I'll try, but this week we go into survival training, so I can't make any promises. Well, thanks again for dinner. Thank your mom again for me, will you? Sure. Zack, I hope you know I didn't have to show you that picture. +Sure. Zack, I hope you know I didn't have to show you that picture. I know that. +I'm looking for Sid. So? +So? Paula, he DORed and nobody's seen him. +Paula, he DORed and nobody's seen him. Why'd he do it? +Why'd he do it? Hey! You know goddamn well what happened so let's not play any games, okay? +Hey! You know goddamn well what happened so let's not play any games, okay? I'm not playing any games! Go look at Lynette's! +I'm not playing any games! Go look at Lynette's! I don't know where that is. +I'd like to come with you. Why? +Why? Because he's my friend, too. +Please stop it. None of that's true. Goddamnit, I love you. I loved you ever since I met you. Come on, Paula! You were looking for a ticket out of here and you didn't care who it was, any more than you cared with the last class of candidates you and Lynette fucked your way through, looking for a husband! Or the class before that! +Come on, Paula! You were looking for a ticket out of here and you didn't care who it was, any more than you cared with the last class of candidates you and Lynette fucked your way through, looking for a husband! Or the class before that! Yeah. You got the whole story just right. +Yeah. You got the whole story just right. Beware of the Puget Debs -- and we all laughed, especially him. +Beware of the Puget Debs -- and we all laughed, especially him. I'm not a Puget Deb. I hate that goddamn term! +I'm not a Puget Deb. I hate that goddamn term! I bet you do! +I bet you do! However you got it figured, I didn't kill Sid and Lynette didn't kill him! He killed himself! +However you got it figured, I didn't kill Sid and Lynette didn't kill him! He killed himself! That's brilliant. +That's brilliant. Maybe not, but it is the truth. And Zack, you didn't kill him either. +How do you figure that's your bunk? He said it's up to us and I got here first, didn't I? +Two bucks a buckle, Perryman. Look at that shine! Boonies'll cost you five. Who's got two bucks? It's costing me every penny they pay us just to keep my old Lady and my kids in that motel. +Hey, man, is the piss-ass money you're making off this worth the risk of getting us all kicked out of here on an honor violation? I don't notice anyone else complaining. +I'll never get it polished in time. Give me a buckle, Zack. I can't risk it. +I can't risk it. You'd make it. He's just getting to the girls. Come on, Zack. I gotta see my family, man. I couldn't take it if he keeps me here over the weekend. +You'd make it. He's just getting to the girls. Come on, Zack. I gotta see my family, man. I couldn't take it if he keeps me here over the weekend. Sorry, pard. Wouldn't want you to get an honor violation. +I see you didn't DOR, Mayo. Hey, Sid, thanks. +Hey, do you guys ever... feel like you don't belong here...? Yeah. All week long. +How about that prick! He told me he wasn't officer material because he grew up poor like me. He said he grew up poor? +He said he grew up poor? The kid on the windy side of the baker's window. That's how he put it. +The kid on the windy side of the baker's window. That's how he put it. Foley's not poor. Buddy of mine in oh-four told me he's the son of a rich doctor down in Louisiana. +That Foley looks like he's been through a war or two. I've seen better. +Think there's any truth to what he was saying about those girls? Is that still going on? Sure it is, Sweet Pea, but he should've warned you 'scuzzy' female types about the 'Puget Dudes.' They'll tell you they're wearing a rubber but they've bit a little hole in the end. +Jets. I hate to tell you guys, but only two out of every class make it into jets. Which one of you is going with me? +Hey, you gonna tell anybody about this? Not if you make it worth my while. How about free boonies for the duration? +You told us it would grow out an inch. It's grown out more than an inch, sweetheart. +Could you believe those girls! 'Nellie's Nymphos!' +'Nellie's Nymphos!' Jesus, that Lynette! I rode her hard and put her up wet. +Look at Foley! Can you believe it! Shhhh... +Nice, hospitable folks they get around here. I hope she comes. She'll come, pard. A rich socialite Oakie like you oughta be a big catch around these parts. +She'll come, pard. A rich socialite Oakie like you oughta be a big catch around these parts. Get off my case, Mayo. I didn't grow up rich. +You okay? Sure. +Hey, you guys still awake? Yeah. +What's the matter, Sweet Pea. Foley finally starting to get to you? Naw. +That isn't true, is it? A little. +I kid you not, Mayo, I am in love. We must've set a new indoor record today. You want to know how many times we did it? You'd better get smart, man. It's time to walk away. +You'd better get smart, man. It's time to walk away. What? You've gotta be kidding! +What? You've gotta be kidding! Remember what Foley said? His little warning? Those are the girls he was talking about. They're out to marry us any way they can. +Remember what Foley said? His little warning? Those are the girls he was talking about. They're out to marry us any way they can. I don't believe that. They're just having a good time, same as us. +I don't believe that. They're just having a good time, same as us. That's what they want you to think, but I saw where she lived, what is she's trying to get away from. Just take my word for it, pard. Break it off now. Do it this week. +Thanks for covering for me. No problem, but who's Susan? +No problem, but who's Susan? My girl back home. We're supposed to get married after I get my wings. She was Tommy's girl. They were engaged to be married before he died. I should've told you about her. I don't know why I didn't, except I didn't want you to think I was a shit for making it with Lynette. +My girl back home. We're supposed to get married after I get my wings. She was Tommy's girl. They were engaged to be married before he died. I should've told you about her. I don't know why I didn't, except I didn't want you to think I was a shit for making it with Lynette. I'm not your folks, man. You love this... Susan? +I'm not your folks, man. You love this... Susan? She's the sweetest person I've ever known. Loves kids. Works with handicapped kids every afternoon at the church. Everybody loves her. +She's the sweetest person I've ever known. Loves kids. Works with handicapped kids every afternoon at the church. Everybody loves her. I didn't ask you all that, Sweet Pea. I asked if you loved her. +I didn't ask you all that, Sweet Pea. I asked if you loved her. Listen, I'm not going to go to that little reunion party. I'm meeting Lynette at the motel. Best head in fifty-two states. After three days of survival training, how could I resist? +You should've done what I did. A clean break. Lynette told me it really tore her up when you didn't call this week. +Talk to me in the morning. I feel like shit. But it can't wait. +Calm down, Sweet Pea. She seen a doctor? No, but she's gotta be at least a month late. +No, but she's gotta be at least a month late. Doesn't mean shit. Get her to a doctor. You can't do anything until you hear what he says. Make the appointment yourself. +It's a big religious thing with her and she won't even discuss it. But she expects you to marry her? +But she expects you to marry her? She said it was up to me. If I don't, she'll go off and have the baby on her own somewhere. +So what's the problem? Girls do that all the time. I can't let her go off and have the kid by herself and not do anything. If it's my kid, too, then I've got a responsibility, don't I? +I can't let her go off and have the kid by herself and not do anything. If it's my kid, too, then I've got a responsibility, don't I? Not if she won't even talk about an abortion. +Not if she won't even talk about an abortion. But it would still be my kid. That's the point. +But it would still be my kid. That's the point. Do you know that for sure? +Do you know that for sure? It's mine. +Okay, but what if it's like Foley said and she got knocked up, to trap you -- is it still your responsibility? "No matter how it happened, if she goes ahead and has it"" Zack, there'll be a child in the world that's mine -- and I couldn't go through life knowing that and not knowing its name or where it lived." +"No matter how it happened, if she goes ahead and has it"" Zack, there'll be a child in the world that's mine -- and I couldn't go through life knowing that and not knowing its name or where it lived." Jesus Christ, Sid! Is everything your responsibility? +Sid, what happened? I don't know... I felt like... like I was suffocating... Christ, Zack... I was so scared... so godddamn scared... +He's right, Zack. It doesn't matter. Just like that it's all over? With less than two weeks to go, you're out? +Please, Zack -- go back to the barracks! I don't get it! He's the best candidate in our class! Ask anyone! The best student! The best leader! The best friend to everybody! Couldn't you bend your goddamn standards just a little? +I don't get it! He's the best candidate in our class! Ask anyone! The best student! The best leader! The best friend to everybody! Couldn't you bend your goddamn standards just a little? Zack, it wasn't him! He didn't ask me to D.O.R. I came to him on my own. I'm glad it's over, Zack. I really mean that. He was right. I wasn't doing this for me. +What? A woman and a little girl, both asleep upstairs. +You're fuckin' A we can do this. Not with me. Not with people. +No problem. I don't want Raoul to administrate that part. +You're welcome. Peace out. +What if she called the cops? She didn't. +What the fuck is funny about this? God. +God. There is not one thing funny here. +There is not one thing funny here. Who else but God could think this shit up? I spend ten years building those fucking rooms to keep people out, now I gotta figure out how to get in. God, man, He just loves the irony. +So what the fuck are we supposed to do?! Make her come out. And when she does, that's when we gotta be careful. She can't get out of this house. She can't even think she can get out of this house. We just keep them here and keep them quiet for forty-five minutes. And I don't want Joe Pesci here standing over them with his fat sweaty finger on the trigger. That's a sure way for us to end up with two dead bodies and little puffs of smoke burning out of our heads up in Greenhaven. So we're gonna seal the place up. They wanna hole up in here? Fine, we'll help 'em. Make it impossible for them to leave. Once they come out of that room. +He said open it. Just sending a message. She'll get the point. +You should see the look on your face. The fuck did you do that for?! +The fuck did you do that for?! Fuckin' asshole, thinks he knows me. Drives his German car up to 125th Street a couple of times, buys a few rounds, thinks he's a tough guy, thinks he knows me. You don't know one thing about me! +Stop it! Stop it! Who's the clown now? Huh?! Who's the fucking clown now?! +Me. I am. That's right. +That's right. Burning me. It's burning my eye. +Burning me. It's burning my eye. I have the gun. +I have the gun. Yes. +Yes. Remember that. +Remember that. Please... +What? What do you want me to do? What do you think? Get us into that room. +What do you think? Get us into that room. I can't. +You can. You're full of ideas. You just need to squeeze one out. I can't... +I can't... You got till the count of three. Then you end up like him. +One. Squeeze. This is ridiculous... +This is ridiculous... Two. Squeeze harder. +Two. Squeeze harder. I can't just... +I can't just... Th -- +Th -- Okay, okay! Okay. +Okay, okay! Okay. You got an idea? +You got an idea? Yeah. Yeah, I got an idea. I gotta check something. +Are you okay? Hurry up, for Christ's sake! +The hell does she want? I don't know, she keeps screamin' the same thing over and over. +Yeah, just like a half hour, maybe a little more, and your mom'll give it to you. You can wait a half hour, can't you? Yeah. She can. She's fine, she's just like, tired, she's gotta rest. You rest, Kid. Half an hour. +You're wasting your fucking time, man, you're wasting my time. You don't know how to do this, and the longer we stay in here, the more likely she's gonna lose it and call the cops! Are you gonna open the safe? +She's fuckin' crazy, she killed the kid! She just killed her own kid! It's not her fault, it's not her fault, the guy must have called them. Look, look, look, she's telling us. +She's gonna handle it. She better. +That's your problem. That's their problem. +Let me fucking finish this so we can get out of here. You finish. Then we finish. +-- posed to mean? You're here with me, you're already on the hook for one. Buy one, you get the rest for the same price. You know that. +You're here with me, you're already on the hook for one. Buy one, you get the rest for the same price. You know that. Get the fuck away from me. +Get the fuck away from me. The kid in here. The other two when we come out. +Bullshit. You know how this gotta end. +The walls are steel, right? Not that one. +Not that one. NOT THAT ONE?! +NOT THAT ONE?! Hey man, it's the neighbor's house, who breaks in through the neighbor's house?! +WHO THE FUCK BREAKS IN THROUGH THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE?! We've got the Kid! WE'VE GOT YOUR KID!! What the fuck is she thinking?! +We've got the Kid! WE'VE GOT YOUR KID!! What the fuck is she thinking?! She's got your gun, that's what she's thinking! The FUCK you had to bring a gun for?! +YOU KNOW HOW THIS IS GONNA GO! FUCK YOU, I'M GONE! +Fuck. I know. +Fuck! Keep your voice down. +Keep your voice down. They're not supposed to be here! +They're not supposed to be here! This was your department, Junior. +This was your department, Junior. They're not supposed to be here! +They're not supposed to be here! That's why the key didn't work, they changed the locks. +That's why the key didn't work, they changed the locks. Fourteen day escrow, man, that's almost three weeks! They shouldn't be here for another week! They don't own this house yet! +Fourteen day escrow, man, that's almost three weeks! They shouldn't be here for another week! They don't own this house yet! Exactly how is fourteen days almost three weeks? +Exactly how is fourteen days almost three weeks? Fourteen business days. Escrow is always business days. +I mean, right? Isn't it? You're an idiot. +Who is this guy? Raoul is cool. That's all you need to know. +Raoul is cool. That's all you need to know. This is insane. I'm outta here. +Unless Daddy comes back later. Daddy's not coming back, she's in the middle of a divorce, it's just the two of them. We're okay, here. We can do this, right? +Forty-five minutes. That's all you said you need. That's like nothing. She'll call the cops, they'll be here before I get unpacked. +She'll call the cops, they'll be here before I get unpacked. So we keep an eye on her. Raoul can totally administrate that part. +They won't get hurt. What about us? What if she has a gun? +What about us? What if she has a gun? Raoul, what in God's name do we do if she has a gun? +Asshole. A guy shows you a gun, Burnham, and you insult him? Hey, who's the idiot? Huh? +A guy shows you a gun, Burnham, and you insult him? Hey, who's the idiot? Huh? Where did you get this clown? +Where did you get this clown? I met him at the tables, same as you. And frankly, I'm grateful we have a little muscle right about now. +I met him at the tables, same as you. And frankly, I'm grateful we have a little muscle right about now. What tables? I've never seen him before. +What tables? I've never seen him before. Different tables. +Different tables. The fuck did you bring a gun for? +It's still a good plan. It's just... got a twist. Yeah. Kidnapping. +Yeah. Kidnapping. Not if we keep 'em here. You can't kidnap somebody in their own house. It's just breaking and entering, unless we take 'em someplace. Or something like that, I'm pretty sure. +Not if we keep 'em here. You can't kidnap somebody in their own house. It's just breaking and entering, unless we take 'em someplace. Or something like that, I'm pretty sure. Pure idiot. +Pure idiot. I am. I'm an idiot's son. An idiot's grandson. I'm third- generation idiot. But for once in my life I had a good idea, and I'm not giving up so easy. You are? Are you actually telling me that for the first time in your life you're gonna throw your cards on the table and go home early? I can't believe my eyes. Fourteen million dollars upstairs, Burnham. You'll be out of the hole. Baby, you'll be so far out of the hole you could draw bricks every night for the next twenty years and still shit green. Come on, Buddy. One more hand. +Got her right where you want her, Junior. Shut up. +Shut up. When you said you'd let 'em go I thought she'd come running right out for sure. +When you said you'd let 'em go I thought she'd come running right out for sure. Shut up and let me think. +I'm afraid to let you think, Junior. Things get worse when you think. Oh, that's gonna help. Okay, fuckball, you think. What are we gonna do? +She said she did. She lied. Cops woulda been here by now if she called 'em. Besides, Junior cut the phones. +Yes. Yes, it's all terrible ironic and amusing. You fuck. Now how are you gonna get us into that room? Can't. Whole point. Can't get in the room. +Open it. I did. +Be quiet. We're trying to scare them, not kill them! +We're trying to scare them, not kill them! They're coughing. +They're coughing. They're gonna die in there! +They're gonna die in there! Nobody is gonna die, man, will you please have the balls to follow through with a good idea? Think about it, what would you do if you were them, stay in there and choke to death, or come out?! Huh? We're just getting them to come out for forty-five minutes, forty-five fucking minutes! The worst that's gonna happen is they pass out, we drag 'em out here into the fresh air, and they'll be fine. +Nobody is gonna die, man, will you please have the balls to follow through with a good idea? Think about it, what would you do if you were them, stay in there and choke to death, or come out?! Huh? We're just getting them to come out for forty-five minutes, forty-five fucking minutes! The worst that's gonna happen is they pass out, we drag 'em out here into the fresh air, and they'll be fine. Junior, you gigantic idiot, how are we supposed to get into the room if they pass out? +Cell phone. Shit! +She's never coming out. Hey. +Hey. And we're never getting in. +And we're never getting in. Do me a favor and don't talk. +Do me a favor and don't talk. Jesus, what was I thinking? +Hey man, after all we went through I am not walking out when we're this close. Close? Are you insane? We're nowhere near close! Fuck this, I'll make an anonymous phone call on Monday, they'll find the floor safe, and I'll inherit the shit. Little piece of it, anyway, it's better than nothing. +Close? Are you insane? We're nowhere near close! Fuck this, I'll make an anonymous phone call on Monday, they'll find the floor safe, and I'll inherit the shit. Little piece of it, anyway, it's better than nothing. What about us? +We're not leaving. I'm getting in that room, and I'm opening that safe. Lookin' doubtful there, Big Guy, but ten out of ten for attitude. +You walk out that door and you lose your share of the money. Yeah, whatever. +Yeah, whatever. I mean it! +I mean it! Adios. +Yeah? Everything okay? +Everything okay? Huh? +'Bout four o'clock. I don't get it. +Somebody called you? Can we come in? +Can we come in? What do you want? +What do you want? We'd like to come in. +We'd like to come in. No, you can't come in. +Can we come in? Stop asking me that. I'm fine. Who called you? +Stop asking me that. I'm fine. Who called you? You don't look so good. +You don't look so good. You wake me out of a sound sleep at four in the morning and then tell me I look like hell? Of course I look like hell, you don't look so hot yourself, Jack. I'm freezing here, thank you for checking, can I go? +"Your husband says you said ""There are three..."" right before you got cut off." Oh, that phone call... +May I ask what the rest of that sentence was going to be? Huh? +Huh? "The sentence that started ""There are three."" What was the rest?" +One day you will learn to respect other people's time, Lydia, one day you -- Evan, I am so sorry, you were a saint to wait for us! +I don't have to tell you there is an acute shortage of living space in Manhattan right now and this is a highly unique property. No ball, kid. +Third floor, spare bedroom, den, what have you. Mr. Pearlstine used it as an office. He's talking about Bernard Pearlstine. +Master bath. The hotel guy? It's been in the papers lately. His kids are all suing each other over his estate. He was a total recluse, paranoid, rich as hell, he was worth thirty million or something, now it turns out they can't find half of it. Somebody took something didn't belong to them! +The hotel guy? It's been in the papers lately. His kids are all suing each other over his estate. He was a total recluse, paranoid, rich as hell, he was worth thirty million or something, now it turns out they can't find half of it. Somebody took something didn't belong to them! I hardly see how family gossip is germane to showing the property. +I hardly see how family gossip is germane to showing the property. Stop calling it the property, you sound ridiculous. +Stop calling it the property, you sound ridiculous. Master closet. +Could the child please stop that? KID! NO ELEVATOR! +Oh, I've seen these... It's quite in vogue in high end construction right now. One really can't be too careful about home invasion. +Hey, this is perfect for you... Absolutely! You're a woman, you're living alone now. Your alarm goes off, or you head glass break, or for whatever reason you think someone's broken into your home in the middle of the night. What are you going to do? Call the police and wait until they get here on Tuesday? Traipse downstairs in your sexy little underthings and check it out? I think not! Reinforced steel core walls. Buried phone line, completely separate, not connected to the house's main line and never exposed throughout the house's infrastructure or outside the house -- you can call the police; nobody can cut you off. Your own ventilation system, complete with oxygen scrubber, so you've got plenty of fresh air for as long as you like. And a bank of video monitors -- +That door is a safely hazard. Not at all. +Working elevator. Mr. Pearlstine, the previous owner, was disabled the last ten years of his life. Highly unusual, the elevator, you will not find this in ninety percent of brownstones. Will they take asking price? I need a two week escrow and I'm already approved for the loan. +A what? A safe room. An inner sanctum. A castle keep, in medieval times. +Everything's spring-loaded, even if the power's out it's fully functional. Open it. +That's highly inappropriate. I said open the door. +Push that button for me, will you? Don't! +Watch your mouth. It's okay, Raoul. +Wait a minute, wait a minute. We can still handle this. Can we still handle this? It's just the woman and the kid? +Cut it back a little bit. No fucking way. +No fucking way. He's right, we can't get into the room if they're dead! +We're not gonna do anything about him, he's fine. If you think I'm gonna let my half of the fourteen million bucks slip away because of -- +If you think I'm gonna let my half of the fourteen million bucks slip away because of -- """Half?"" What did you, take a nap in math class? Three people, three shares, one third. Four point six six six repeating." +"""Half?"" What did you, take a nap in math class? Three people, three shares, one third. Four point six six six repeating." I'm just saying, the man is a problem. And he's your problem. Wasn't me idea to bring him along. +I'm just saying, the man is a problem. And he's your problem. Wasn't me idea to bring him along. "That's right, Raoul, it wasn't your idea, none of this was your idea, it was mine, it's my family we're ripping off, it's my prick grandfather who built that fucking room, it was my idea to get the plans, I found the floor safe, and it was my idea to ask a guy who builds these rooms to help break into one! Me, me, me, I, I, I, at no point did I say ""you"" or Raoul,"" got it?" +"That's right, Raoul, it wasn't your idea, none of this was your idea, it was mine, it's my family we're ripping off, it's my prick grandfather who built that fucking room, it was my idea to get the plans, I found the floor safe, and it was my idea to ask a guy who builds these rooms to help break into one! Me, me, me, I, I, I, at no point did I say ""you"" or Raoul,"" got it?" He puts his hands on me again I'll bury a slug in his ear. +He puts his hands on me again I'll bury a slug in his ear. No, you will not, because without Burnham there's no way in hell we're gonna get into that safe, so as far as I'm concerned he can paint your ass blue and run it up a flagpole and you won't lay a finger on him, you understand me? +No, you will not, because without Burnham there's no way in hell we're gonna get into that safe, so as far as I'm concerned he can paint your ass blue and run it up a flagpole and you won't lay a finger on him, you understand me? Don't take no tone of voice with me, Homes. +Don't take no tone of voice with me, Homes. "What is this shit you're talking all of a sudden? You're a bus driver, ""Homes,"" you live in Flatbush, so please don't start spouting some Elmore Leonard shit you just heard because I saw that movie too," +We're leaving. The hell we are. +Suit yourself. Nobody leaves. +Nobody leaves. Observe. +-- seventeen feet wide, fifty-five feet deep, forty-two hundred square feet, four floors with a rentable basement apartment, so five altogether, courtyard in back -- Could you slow down a little? Or we could wait for the car... +Could you slow down a little? Or we could wait for the car... No cars. Feet are faster. +No cars. Feet are faster. How many more do we have after this? +How many more do we have after this? None, there's nothing else, you know how tight the market is. +None, there's nothing else, you know how tight the market is. This is it? I told you on the phone, I have to be moved in in two weeks. Sarah, please don't bounce that here. +Something's weird. What? +What? I don't know, doesn't that corner seem funny to you? +Makes me nervous. Why? +Why? Ever read any Poe? +Ever read any Poe? I don't think so, but I love her album. +I don't think so, but I love her album. No, Edgar Allen. +No, Edgar Allen. The furniture guy? +The furniture guy? What's to keep them from prying open the door? +Old Bernie didn't miss a trick with this room, did he? Open the door. +Open the door. And with kids like he's got, no wonder he wanted a place to hide. +Too many stairs. Got us in here, didn't I? +Got us in here, didn't I? Shoulda got an apartment. +Shoulda got an apartment. Well, I know that now. +Well, I know that now. 478-0150. +The phone works. Hey, I hooked up the phone. The crowd goes wild. +The crowd goes wild. 478... +478... 0150. +Fuck him. Don't. +Don't. Fuck her too. +What's going on?! People. In the house. +He's going down. That room! +That room! What?! +What?! PANIC ROOM! +Damn it! It doesn't work?! +It doesn't work?! Different phone line, I never hooked it up! +Can't hear a thing. What do they want? +What do they want? I don't know. Rob us. I don't know. +What do we do? Wait. +Wait. What if they get in here? +What if they get in here? They can't. They can't get in here. No. They can't. +They can't. They can't get in here. No. They can't. I heard you. +I heard you. Feel okay? +Feel okay? Yeah. +Yeah. Shaky? +Shaky? Nope. +Nope. Chills? +Chills? Huh uh. +"""What we want is in that room.""" They're coming in here, aren't they? +They're coming in here, aren't they? No, I told you, they can't. It's not a possibility. +We're not coming out. We're not letting you in. Get out of my house. Say fuck. +Say fuck. Fuck. +Fuck. """Get the fuck out of my house.""" +"""Get the fuck out of my house.""" Get the fuck out of my house! +Oh, please. Give me a break. +Are you freaking out? Little bit. Yeah. +Small space? Don't though. +Why did the chicken cross the road? What am I, a five year old? +What am I, a five year old? Why did the chicken cross the road? +Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, why? +I don't know, why? To prove he wasn't chicken. +YOU CAN'T DO THAT! YOU CAN'T FREAK OUT LIKE THAT! YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE WITH ME! I am. I'm here. +I am. I'm here. YOU HAVE TO! +YOU HAVE TO! I'm here. I'm here. +What, what, what is it?! On the floor! Get on the floor! +Morse code? Dot dot dot, dash dash dash, dot dot dot. +Dot dot dot, dash dash dash, dot dot dot. Where'd you learn S.O.S.? +Where'd you learn S.O.S.? """Titanic.""" +Got him! Come on, come on... +We're never getting out of here. Shhh... +Do it. Yeah, but where's the third guy? +Yeah, but where's the third guy? Not in the bedroom. Do it! +If it looks like I can't get back, just close the door. No. +No. Close it! +What are you doing? I saw something, I saw... +Strip 'em, expose the ends, try blue first, blue is phones! Blue is phones? +Blue is phones? Yes, no, I don't know, do 'em all! +Call Dad! On it! +He'll do something. Uh uh. +Uh uh. "He'll know we're in trouble. He heard me, I said ""There are three...""" +"He'll know we're in trouble. He heard me, I said ""There are three...""" He won't even know who it was. +He won't even know who it was. What would you think, in the middle of the night? I mean, three what, three bears? He'll call the police. +What would you think, in the middle of the night? I mean, three what, three bears? He'll call the police. Stop it. +Stop it. He's just across the park, this is why we got places so close to each other, in case we needed each other, we're still a family, he'll help us... +He's just across the park, this is why we got places so close to each other, in case we needed each other, we're still a family, he'll help us... He -- +He -- He WILL. +I'm sorry. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Why? +Why? I was trying not to tell you... +I was trying not to tell you... What? +What? I'm dizzy and thirsty. +Okay, listen, honey, you went double digit here, you must have been shooting out adrenaline like crazy, we gotta bring your blood sugar back up, okay? Can you hear me? I'm dizzy, not deaf. +I'm dizzy, not deaf. Hey, she's still a smart ass, excellent sign. Did you see any sugar in here? Any candy bars, anything sweet? +Hey, she's still a smart ass, excellent sign. Did you see any sugar in here? Any candy bars, anything sweet? Huh uh. +Huh uh. Okay, you just gotta calm yourself down, that's all, just stay calm and your adrenaline will go back to normal and you'll be fine. +Okay, you just gotta calm yourself down, that's all, just stay calm and your adrenaline will go back to normal and you'll be fine. What if I keep dropping? +What if I keep dropping? Not an option. +Not an option. What if I do? +What if I spazz out? No biggie, we've been through it a dozen times, I just jab you with the Glucogen. +Where is the Glucogen? Oh, you know, it's uh... it's in the little fridge in your room. +Oh, you know, it's uh... it's in the little fridge in your room. I'm sorry, Mom. +I'm sorry, Mom. Hey, quit apologizing, you're starting to sound like Grandma. You're not gonna have an attack. Okay? +Hey, quit apologizing, you're starting to sound like Grandma. You're not gonna have an attack. Okay? Okay. +Alma!? I uhh I don't think... What do you mean? We're black ain't we? And we care about improving the plight of out people don't we? Or you figure oppression stops at that thing dangling between your legs! +What do you mean? We're black ain't we? And we care about improving the plight of out people don't we? Or you figure oppression stops at that thing dangling between your legs! Uhh... I with it sister but... +Uhh... I with it sister but... "But nothing, we want full fledged membership in the Black Panther Party... and none of this ""Okay sugah as long as you stay in the background washing my socks and rubbing my feet"" bullshit either!" +Little Bobby... Just a kid... They're hurting us, baby. Huey locked up. Bobby Seale running all over the country holding things together. Cy dead. Little Bobby... I don't recognize half the faces at meetings. +Tyrone... Oh shit Alma... you're... +Oh shit Alma... you're... I'm okay... listen to me... Let's go with Judge, check it out. +I'm okay... listen to me... Let's go with Judge, check it out. What?!? Don't tell me you're buying this? +Those ain't cops. And they sure ain't from the neighborhood. Figure Sabu's in there? +Alma I told you to... Fuck that, we've got company... +No... You gotta. You gotta stay alive. You know what they were trying to do here. You got the pigs dead to rights. It's like Huey said, you're more important than any of us. +Okay now, er, Huey, so what's your telephone number? I have confirmed to you my address, that's all I'm required to by law to do. We have broken no law. +I have confirmed to you my address, that's all I'm required to by law to do. We have broken no law. What are you doing with the gun? +What are you doing with the gun? What are doing with yours?. +Lemme see that rifle son... No! This is my private property. According to California law we have a constitutional right to bear arms. +Well... is it loaded? "I tell you ""officer"", it wasn't..." +For the last time Boy!!! What do those guns mean??!! They mean, Pig!, that the Black Panther Party declares that if you try to brutalize our community or take our weapons. We are going to shoot you!!! +Free? We're back where we started. Shit we still don't have a stop light. Well as the Rev says, God helps those who help themselves. We'll be our own stoplight. +Well if anyone's gonna protect Malcolm's legacy it better be us. Damn straight... Let's go check out these Paper Panthers. +This brothers is gonna be a colossal event. We'll shut the mother down right at the capitol, in front of the cameras. Will you cool it? What's up man? What it be Bobby? What it be is, You aren't coming with us. +What it be is, You aren't coming with us. What? We're the leadership, you and me. There ain't enough of us to... +What? We're the leadership, you and me. There ain't enough of us to... That's just it Huey. The pigs don't know how many Panthers there are. Both of us show and they might start putting 2 and 2 together. We're not even two hundred strong yet... but we got 'em guessing thousands. +That's just it Huey. The pigs don't know how many Panthers there are. Both of us show and they might start putting 2 and 2 together. We're not even two hundred strong yet... but we got 'em guessing thousands. I hear you. Alright. I'll go, you stay. +You got six months to donate to the party, Bobby? You know it brother. +You got to sit on Eldridge... Man, El-Rage is El-Rage. You know him. +Man, El-Rage is El-Rage. You know him. Yeah, I do, but he's gotta cool it... +Huey!! Man you gotta check this out... You're gonna love... Hold up a second... We got a decision to make. +Hold up a second... We got a decision to make. What's up? +What's up? Dig it, you know those brothers over in San Fran... call themselves the Black Panthers too? +Dig it, you know those brothers over in San Fran... call themselves the Black Panthers too? "Sure, those boojie jokers don't do anything except print up a lotta paper saying ""Black is Beautiful.""" +...The police report says he was shot three times but the coroner's report says quite clearly that Denzil Dowell was shot six times. And two of those shots were in his armpits. Brothers and Sisters you know why that is? Because Denzil had his hands up!! No more police brutality! WHAT DO WE WANT? +Yeah... Sounds like the Constitution to me. With a little of the Bill of Rights thrown in... Inspector Brimmer, this is no joke During your surveillance have you seen any outside agitators? Professorial types? Communists? +Inspector Brimmer, this is no joke During your surveillance have you seen any outside agitators? Professorial types? Communists? No. I've seen Black men handing out bags of food. Having meetings. Patrolling the neighborhood. Having more meetings. They ain't... +No. I've seen Black men handing out bags of food. Having meetings. Patrolling the neighborhood. Having more meetings. They ain't... They are carrying guns. They are threatening police officers. They are undermining the United States of America. And you Inspector Brimmer are not taking your duties seriously... +Like? Like, you Inspector Brimmer are not going to be sitting in your car anymore. I think it's time for a more active type of involvement. +What the fuck? Brimmer! Could you come in here please? +"Sit down, This concerns you too. I don't need to say that your department's handling of the Black Panthers -- particularly Inspector Brimmer's ""undercover operation"" has been a complete travesty." Just hold on a god damn minute. I... +You're Judge right? We need to talk. I don't know you and I got nothing to say to you. +I don't know you and I got nothing to say to you. Yeah you do. It's up to you either here or downtown. +So... we understand each other Judge? Yeah. +"I expect to hear from you soon. If Huey Newton takes a crap, I want to know how big it was. Otherwise I'm gonna come looking for you. And I won't be as ""friendly"" as today." I got you. +Why didn't you tell us about the party you boys were planning at the capitol? Shit man. It was... you know spontaneous. +Shit man. It was... you know spontaneous. Spontaneous my ass!! You told the press and you don't tell me. Remember you're working for us. +Spontaneous my ass!! You told the press and you don't tell me. Remember you're working for us. Yeah... whatever you say. +Yeah... whatever you say. Are you fucking with me? You smartass piece of shit... +Get out of the car. What's with you? +What's with you? Get out of the fucking car. +What are you crazy? Do you know how easy it would be for you to just disappear. Shit, you wouldn't even wash up for weeks. Do you fucking understand? I want you to move your ass outta neutral. I want a bunch of Panthers served up on a fucking plate. I want you to set 'em up... armed robbery!! +Do you know how easy it would be for you to just disappear. Shit, you wouldn't even wash up for weeks. Do you fucking understand? I want you to move your ass outta neutral. I want a bunch of Panthers served up on a fucking plate. I want you to set 'em up... armed robbery!! I can't... they don't operate that way... +I can't... they don't operate that way... "Fuck how they operate. Just do it. like your man says, ""By any means necessary.""" +Inspector Brimmer Yeah, it's me. +Yeah, it's me. Judge, hold on, is your phone safe? +Judge, hold on, is your phone safe? Who fucking cares? You cops killed Cy. And before you bastards kill anyone else, I'll give you your fucking set up. That make you happy??!! +Who fucking cares? You cops killed Cy. And before you bastards kill anyone else, I'll give you your fucking set up. That make you happy??!! Judge, calm down. +Hey... what the hell you doing? Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. +Go! Run! Go on! Get the fuck out of here!! What? So you can shoot me? Call it resisting arrest? +What? So you can shoot me? Call it resisting arrest? I ain't gonna shoot you Judge. Look... it's over. Just run away. Get out. Stay away from Oakland. Cause it's gone... it's gone. +I ain't gonna shoot you Judge. Look... it's over. Just run away. Get out. Stay away from Oakland. Cause it's gone... it's gone. Brimmer you're fucked up... +Brimmer you're fucked up... Yeah... I'm fucked up. You're fucked up. Government's fucked up. Whole country's fucked up. You got no idea what's going on here. This is bigger than you and me. We're just little tiny soldiers getting moved around on some big asshole's desk. The Panthers... fuck you're history... they killed you and you don't even know it. +Yeah... I'm fucked up. You're fucked up. Government's fucked up. Whole country's fucked up. You got no idea what's going on here. This is bigger than you and me. We're just little tiny soldiers getting moved around on some big asshole's desk. The Panthers... fuck you're history... they killed you and you don't even know it. Who's they? +Who's they? Drugs Judge, they're gonna flood West Oakland with dope. Jack you up and string you out like a two dollar whore. And while the community's shuffling for a fix, they're gonna snuff every Panther they can find. +Drugs Judge, they're gonna flood West Oakland with dope. Jack you up and string you out like a two dollar whore. And while the community's shuffling for a fix, they're gonna snuff every Panther they can find. Who? I mean besides the FBI? +Who? I mean besides the FBI? I don't know. Except, it's one of you. Maybe not a Panther, but it's someone from the neighborhood. Judge. Look, just go. Get away. It's over. You lost. We all lost. +God damn... Kid never had a chance... Mothafuck... Hey!!! What the hell!!! +Hey... Cy... what now you a righteous Panther man, you too uppity to drink with us? You know that's bullshit. +Aaaah, Bitter Motherfucker... I almost forgot how nasty that shit is. Well don't go forgetting your friends. +Well don't go forgetting your friends. Ain't gonna happen, stay cool. +Ain't gonna happen, stay cool. You know it. Stay Black... +You know it. Stay Black... Damn straight. +Sabu, what the fuck you doing? Ain't nobody gonna push on this street. Shit, I ain't doing nothing. White bread asks for cocaine, I take his money. Shit... you know... It was just a hustle. +Shit, I ain't doing nothing. White bread asks for cocaine, I take his money. Shit... you know... It was just a hustle. Sabu... High white dude's the only thing you could hustle. +Sabu... High white dude's the only thing you could hustle. Man... fuck you. Why you always bustin' my balls? All that high and mighty militant shit. I ain't doing nothing. +I ain't gonna tell you no more. No pushing in the neighborhood, especially not on my fucking street. You're killing your own people asshole. Man, fuck you!!! +Man, fuck you!!! No Fuck you!!! +Motherfucker... you stay away... Look this is bull... +Check it out... Great huh? I tell you those guys know what time it is. Man I'm with that... I don't know. Look around man. +I don't know. Look around man. C'mon Judge we got to start somewhere. +C'mon Judge we got to start somewhere. Yeah, and I'm gonna start by getting on my feet. Working on things from inside the system. +Yeah, and I'm gonna start by getting on my feet. Working on things from inside the system. Inside ain't in the system. It's right there inside you!! I'm joining up. +Hey, this what they got you doing now? Party needs the bread. Be hip to the struggle, only a dollar!!! +"Have to pass on the revolution today man, I got class... But how about tonight, I was gonna check out ""Cloud Nine."" Just like old times." Can't... they're having a PE meeting at Headquarters tonight, come on down. Check it out. +Can't... they're having a PE meeting at Headquarters tonight, come on down. Check it out. PE? What? You guys doing gym class? +PE? What? You guys doing gym class? "No man. PE -- ""political education.""" +...Glad you came man. Yeah, only I figure you'd be the one doing the speaking. +Yeah, only I figure you'd be the one doing the speaking. Not yet, one of these day's maybe. Bobby's party chairman. Political Education's really his bag. +Man, did you see Huey down on Grove street? All up on that cop, that was beautiful. Yeah, it was alright. Hey, can you give me a lift? +Yeah, it was alright. Hey, can you give me a lift? You got it. Berkeley? +You got it. Berkeley? No, Panther Headquarters. Least that way we could hang out more like we used to. +No, Panther Headquarters. Least that way we could hang out more like we used to. You joining? My Brother.. My brother. +Hey, it's the invisible man. Brother where you been? Cy... I ain't even sure. +Cy... I ain't even sure. C'mon we'll walk and talk... +C'mon we'll walk and talk... Naw... I gotta... +Naw... I gotta... I hear you. I'll catch you in a bit. Feeling cooped up in there, you know? +Cy... Cy... Oh shit man... who did this to you. Was it the pigs? N... N...... Not... Oh. +Don't I know it. Come on in Agent Rodgers. Sit down. Always a... pleasure to see you. How can I be of help? It's a bit more like how can we help you. Bay Area's become quite a hornet's nest in terms of subversive activities. And... well Mr. Hoover wants to reiterate that the FBI will be happy to assist local authorities in any way we can. On a strictly advisory basis... of course. +It's a bit more like how can we help you. Bay Area's become quite a hornet's nest in terms of subversive activities. And... well Mr. Hoover wants to reiterate that the FBI will be happy to assist local authorities in any way we can. On a strictly advisory basis... of course. Of course. Well, I appreciate your offer, but we got things pretty well under control. Same bunch of kooks you guys already have under surveillance. They're still doing a lot of yelling and pot-smoking but nothing to worry about. +Of course. Well, I appreciate your offer, but we got things pretty well under control. Same bunch of kooks you guys already have under surveillance. They're still doing a lot of yelling and pot-smoking but nothing to worry about. I see. What about the Black Panther Party for Self-Defense? +I see. What about the Black Panther Party for Self-Defense? Heh, bunch of shines running around in dark caps waving their fists about some streetlight. They're loud, but they aren't dangerous, +Heh, bunch of shines running around in dark caps waving their fists about some streetlight. They're loud, but they aren't dangerous, Can you make a deal with them? +Can you make a deal with them? Naw... They're kids mostly. Idealists. They actually think they're for real. +Naw... They're kids mostly. Idealists. They actually think they're for real. "Hmmm. As you know the Bureau -- and Mr. Hoover -- is particularly ""sensitive"" to anything that might agitate or solidify the coloreds on the left." +You want me to put a man on it? That would be an excellent start. Tell him to keep a low profile. +"One: ""We want freedom. We want the power to determine the destiny of our Black Community."" Two: ""We want full employment for our people."" Three: ""We want to end the robbery by the white man of our Black Community."" Christ, they're asking for reparations..." They couldn't have thought this up for themselves. +Now hold on Rodgers... Chief Dorsett, if the Black Panthers are going to remain in your jurisdiction, some fundamental changes in attitude need to be made... +I want it duly noted, that this operation was entirely under the auspices of the Oakland Police Department. The FBI doesn't have a monopoly on agents infiltrating enemy organizations, my friend. As I've said before, Agent Rodgers, we have things under control in our city... Are you finished? +Are you finished? "No I'm not. I'd like to say, frankly and off the record, that I resent the Bureau's presence here. ""Advisory Basis"" or not. And, once we get these boys put away and the Panthers permanently discredited, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave us to take care of our own. Now I'm finished." +These are memos from the commissioner, the mayor and Hoover himself, putting the Black Panthers and their subversive activities under the full jurisdiction of the Bureau. Jesus... +Jesus... As far as Mr. Hoover is concerned the worst has happened, the Panthers have unified with other organizations -- most likely sponsored by communists -- to undermine the war in Vietnam. By doing so, they have quite simply guaranteed their own extinction. +Rodgers... this is no good... Cut the crap, you've been taking the man's money for years. Now it's time you earned it. +To be quite honest it turns my stomach. Neither your stomach or your opinion matters here Dorsett... What matters is that Mr. Trafficante and the Bureau have come up with a solution to our Panther Problem. One might say...The Final Solution. +I don't think that will be any problem... You talk as if this thing's already been decided. +But lots of our people don't read, man. They need strong imagery to help them out. Yeah... then shouldn't this be all of us together. +Yeah... then shouldn't this be all of us together. Trust me Huey, this picture will be worth a thousand words. Now have you given any thought to that Peace and Freedom Party thing. They really want to hook up with us. Do a rally together. Hell it'd broaden our base of visibility. +Trust me Huey, this picture will be worth a thousand words. Now have you given any thought to that Peace and Freedom Party thing. They really want to hook up with us. Do a rally together. Hell it'd broaden our base of visibility. Yeah, but aligning with white organizations. I'm not sure now's the time. +Yeah, but aligning with white organizations. I'm not sure now's the time. "The time, my friend, is what Sartre called, ""the moment the match is being put to the fuse."" Question is, is the hand holding that match gonna be black or white." +"The time, my friend, is what Sartre called, ""the moment the match is being put to the fuse."" Question is, is the hand holding that match gonna be black or white." ...no full fledge alliance. But I think we should do a rally with them. Show that there's some common ground between Black and White. You all with that? All right then Eldridge, set it up. +Yes sir I was. And did you witness the shoot-out? +And did you witness the shoot-out? Yes sir, I did. +Yes sir, I did. From what you saw, did Huey Newton start the shooting? +From what you saw, did Huey Newton start the shooting? No sir he didn't. +Huh, well then... did someone else start shooting? I refuse to answer the question on the grounds it might incriminate me. +Did you shoot the officers in question? Again I'll take the fifth amendment on that question. +...at least that takes Bobby Seale off the street... Not good enough Rodgers. Not good enough at all. Black terrorists on the floor of a State Capitol. I will not say this again, these Negro Commies are to be stopped and now. You tear them down. Either from the outside or the inside. +Not good enough Rodgers. Not good enough at all. Black terrorists on the floor of a State Capitol. I will not say this again, these Negro Commies are to be stopped and now. You tear them down. Either from the outside or the inside. We're working on that... +We're working on that... Work harder. And get me some results. Those Black Bastards could be up to anything. +Granted, the Free Huey thing has become a bit of a rallying cry for the left... Rallying cry, it's an insurrection. Seale, that god damned Cleaver, Where the hell do these guys come from? +Rallying cry, it's an insurrection. Seale, that god damned Cleaver, Where the hell do these guys come from? "Well... like they say, there's a Panther born every minute in the ghetto. Uh... we seem to have ""underestimated"" the support of the Black community. It's their power base..." +Well, then we're going to take that power away from those bastards. You mean... +You mean... Yes, that's exactly what I mean. And Agent Rodgers?... This conversation never occurred. +That's right brother... listen and learn. The white power structure wants us to act like savages. But we're a different kind of animal altogether. We're Panthers. And The Black Panther Party for Self Defense is very painfully aware that America has historically reserved its most barbaric treatment for non-white people since the beginning of the country. So we need to organize, we keep our shit correct! And effect revolution. We revolve the power into the hands of the people. Where it belongs. Power to the people baby... +Shit, nothing but Paper Panthers. Yeah... but it seems they're bringing Malcolm's widow Betty Shabazz to town, to speak at a rally, do an interview for Ramparts. And they want us to help with security. +We'll get them. Right now we got to worry about being armed and ready to protect Betty Shabazz. Those phonies sure as hell can't. We need guns. We need money first... +We need money first... Yeah... Bobby you gotta... +"This here's a ""Panther Patrol."" We see a brother getting busted. We check it out, make sure the pig don't go beating on the man. Brother gets taken downtown, we post bail, hook 'em up with a lawyer." We're like policing the police. +You're a little old to be a school boy aren't you brother. Cool it! You're probably not the only one they've gone after. Stall a little so they believe you're for real. Make them trust you. Hey Tyrone, you figure feeding our children is gonna make The Man jumpy? Black people getting uppity, feeding their children breakfast, taking their destiny into their own hands. What's this world coming to? +C'mon let's... No! Just harassment. Can't let it stop this. Brother we got momentum! +Alright, I'll stay. Judge, I want to... Where you been? I saw the cops rousting you at the rally. +Huey man I got to talk with you... So talk... +So talk... Alone... +Alone... Look... can we deal with this tomorrow... I'm tired... +Yeah man, but where's Judge? You know I think Brother Judge needs our support right now, not our suspicion This is beautiful man. Folks around here never read the truth like this before. +That's right. We'd be proud to provide as escort for Malcolm's widow. How many men you got? Get the brothers a beer. Me too while you're at it. Men? Well we can spare six for security... +Get the brothers a beer. Me too while you're at it. Men? Well we can spare six for security... No thank you sister. Six?!! That seems a little light. Cops are watching Betty, watching her hard. We need at least twenty men. And that's twenty armed Panthers dig? You do have guns don't you? +No thank you sister. Six?!! That seems a little light. Cops are watching Betty, watching her hard. We need at least twenty men. And that's twenty armed Panthers dig? You do have guns don't you? I assure you that we as the revolutionary vanguard are as serious about this as you are. We'll be prepared. +We put our lives on the line today. Malcolm X's widow was on the line today. And your guns weren't even loaded. A gun's a gun man. It don't need to be loaded. +A gun's a gun man. It don't need to be loaded. Tell that to the pigs. Better yet tell that to Malcolm. +Tell that to the pigs. Better yet tell that to Malcolm. Wait a second there brother... +Wait a second there brother... "No you wait a second. You and your ""Panthers"" got three choices. One you join with us and follow our rules. Two you change your name. Or three you face annihilation." +You were. infantry right? Yeah. +Yeah. So I guess it's safe to say you know about firepower. +We appreciate your help with this. So what's the deal? +So what's the deal? Freedom... We're just gonna test some of the words in that law book. +Judge... we're doing security for Betty Shabazz's visit next week. I'd like to have someone who knows there way around a pistol there. Someone like you. I don't know. +I don't know. You are down for protecting Malcolm's widow aren't you? +You are down for protecting Malcolm's widow aren't you? Yeah... let me think about it. +Yeah... let me think about it. Okay man I ain't going to push. But remember the revolution isn't going to wait for anyone. Come on, we'll give you a lift. +Okay man I ain't going to push. But remember the revolution isn't going to wait for anyone. Come on, we'll give you a lift. No man. Gonna walk. +Welcome brother, have you decided to get down with us? I'm down. +I'm down. Yeah... You were a lot of help with those guns. Your soldier shit is bad- ass. +Yeah... You were a lot of help with those guns. Your soldier shit is bad- ass. I'd hoped I was finished with all that. But... +I'd hoped I was finished with all that. But... You know, you're lucky to be back. Most niggers die on the front lines. Seems like that's what they're there for. +You know, you're lucky to be back. Most niggers die on the front lines. Seems like that's what they're there for. Don't I know it. Every brother I knew in 'Nam's dead. My company... a land mine. Twenty of my friends dead in less than a second. +Don't I know it. Every brother I knew in 'Nam's dead. My company... a land mine. Twenty of my friends dead in less than a second. Mind if I ask you something? Why'd you put up with shit like that for someone else's war? +Hey, GI bill pays for school. And shit, if I stuck around here, instead of signing up, I'd probably be in jail, or sitting on the stoop drinking Bitter Dog with Rose, you know? Yeah I know. You're smart Judge. You ain't no bourgeois nigger like those Paper Panthers across the bay. I need every good man to help us with the security on Betty Shabazz, particularly soldiers. You do solid on that I might have something else for you, something real important. +Yeah I know. You're smart Judge. You ain't no bourgeois nigger like those Paper Panthers across the bay. I need every good man to help us with the security on Betty Shabazz, particularly soldiers. You do solid on that I might have something else for you, something real important. Whatever you need, I'll be there. +Whatever you need, I'll be there. Right on Brother Judge... +What it be Judge. Nobody got hurt, Sister Betty's safe. This was a good day... They were empty... +You were alright Judge, better than alright. You're what the Party needs. A fighter but also one that's going to school not making the man too nervous. I don't know about that. +I don't know about that. I do. You think you're smart enough to keep playing the game? +I do. You think you're smart enough to keep playing the game? What, I don't know how you mean? +What, I don't know how you mean? See, the thing about Panthers. For all their speed and strength. They are not naturally aggressive. They don't just go out killing, tearing through the jungles murdering. No, the Panther keeps his claws hidden until he is attacked, until he's backed into a corner. Then believe me those claws are fierce. +See, the thing about Panthers. For all their speed and strength. They are not naturally aggressive. They don't just go out killing, tearing through the jungles murdering. No, the Panther keeps his claws hidden until he is attacked, until he's backed into a corner. Then believe me those claws are fierce. Huey, you're losing me. What are you talking about? +Huey, you're losing me. What are you talking about? I'm talking about survival. Yours, mine, all of it. Outside and in. You got to do something for me. Staying alive might depend on it. The pigs are gonna try to infiltrate us and we're gonna let 'em. But their spy's gonna be our spy too. How about it? +Me? You've got a whole lot of other folks signing up. Why me? You fit the profile, Brother. You look exactly like the kind of nigger they think they can trust... +Aw... uh... it's was just harassment. My driver's license expired. Chickenshits, they're grabbing at anything. +What's the pig's name? Brimmer. +Brimmer. You got to keep very cool on this. Icy god damn cool. Cause baby, you just became the strongest weapon we got. Let me guess, he wants you to call him, tell him what we're doing. +You got to keep very cool on this. Icy god damn cool. Cause baby, you just became the strongest weapon we got. Let me guess, he wants you to call him, tell him what we're doing. Yeah. +Yeah. And you're gonna do just that. But I'll tell you what to feed the pig. You alright with this? +And you're gonna do just that. But I'll tell you what to feed the pig. You alright with this? Yeah... I guess. Any of other Panthers know about this? +Man, this shit's pretty thick. You got that right. And brother, I got a feeling it's going to get a whole lot thicker. +Listen Judge, Oakland's Panther International Headquarters. We shut the Pig's infiltration down here, they're gonna think twice about running their games on other chapters. Huey, man who's gonna straighten out the brothers if they get on my ass? +Huey, man who's gonna straighten out the brothers if they get on my ass? "Like the manual says, ""Information is..." +I don't know man. I don't know. That reminds me. Another little donation from the police. If the pigs only knew they were subsidizing The Panthers... +If the pigs only knew they were subsidizing The Panthers... "Yeah well, they want a lot for their money. They want a felony, preferably with ""violent intent."" We've got to give them something. They'll kill me if I don't. And the Panthers are going to kill me if I do. I'm scared." +"Yeah well, they want a lot for their money. They want a felony, preferably with ""violent intent."" We've got to give them something. They'll kill me if I don't. And the Panthers are going to kill me if I do. I'm scared." Me too. That's why I fight so hard. +I saw... but... But nothing... you do live here don't you? +Yeah, I do. Well, act like it. Come on. +Don't let the cops provoke you. We're there to watch and take badge numbers... And who is we? +Shit, we made him get his moms to give permission before he could sign up. Just a kid. +Just a kid. Yeah, well, cops kick the shit out of kids too. +I thought you said all the Panthers were gonna be here. What you see is what you got. That's' Bobby Seale. +You're a smart brother... you should dig what Huey and Bobby got to say... Maybe... +Maybe... Fuck maybe... be there. +Busted firing pin. You want only the legal stuff right? Just the legit shit. +Huh? He had a feeling you'd be coming by. +What? You don't like to see a traitor get hurt? I wonder why that is? If you got something to say, say it. +If you got something to say, say it. Anything happens to Huey it ain't gonna be a finger. I'll... +What's up with you? Nothing. +Nothing. "You got something on your mind... ""brother.""" +"You got something on your mind... ""brother.""" "Yeah, ""brother"" My best friend is stone dead." +Sorry man... S'alright. I'm sorry too. Shit, I gotta take a leak... Pull over at that gas station. +Fuck is up?! Mothafucker! You just set Bobby Seale up to be kidnapped. They dragged him off to some bullshit conspiracy trial in Chicago. How much the pigs pay you for this one, Judge? +You better just kill me Tyrone. And when Huey gets out, when Oakland's just wall to wall junkies, you tell him you blew away the only chance we all got. I'm sure he'll be real happy about that. What are you saying? +What are you saying? The pigs are gonna start flooding us with dope. Huey wants us to stop them. +The pigs are gonna start flooding us with dope. Huey wants us to stop them. Bullshit... +Chickenshits? What you bring your buddies with you? No man No!! Tyrone listen... we got to move man, they got a warehouse... +No man No!! Tyrone listen... we got to move man, they got a warehouse... Shut the fuck up!! +You alright? Not really. Gimme the keys for the trunk. +Motherfuckers... Look... You... take her and get the hell out of here. I'll keep 'em busy. +We'll all get out of here together. Later for that. I'm done either way... +You supposed to be a wounded vet, Motherfucka. What you do in 'Nam anyway, shoot gooks or shoot hoops? All of the above, man... And then some. +My Mom's at that. Funny you don't look like church folk to me. +Rose, what the hell you doing here? Just come for the food, man. Ain't quite sure what their bag is but... +This cool the heat off you any? I don't know. But I'm sure I'll find out. Rose, you did me solid. +Unh... Unh Man... I don't take no money from friends that need help. Fuck no. What do you think I am a bum? Not at all. I'll catch you later. +Judge... I... I shoulda told you this before but... well... fuck... What? +What? It was Sabu killed Cy. +It was Sabu killed Cy. Where is he?. +Where is he?. Ain't no one seen him. +Ain't no one seen him. Why didn't you tell me? +Why didn't you tell me? Didn't want folks to think I was a snitch. You know? +Rose? Yeah... Look man, what I gotta say. It's just you, me and the rats, right? Alright... well... Sabu's back. +Yeah... Look man, what I gotta say. It's just you, me and the rats, right? Alright... well... Sabu's back. Motherfuck... well then I got something to do. +Motherfuck... well then I got something to do. No... wait, there's something else, something weird. I hear he's set up down at that warehouse on fifty deuce. He's talking big and living bigger. +God damn it's him. I gotta go. Judge man. Watch yourself. Sabu's got juice now. +Judge man. Watch yourself. Sabu's got juice now. You don't even know it man, but you're a god damn hero. +It's okay Mom. I'm allright. You don't look alright. +You don't look alright. Yeah... cop hit me... +Yeah... cop hit me... I saw. I saw that big one hit that police man. Saw 'em drag you off too. They take you to jail? +I saw. I saw that big one hit that police man. Saw 'em drag you off too. They take you to jail? Yeah. +Yeah. Lord, never thought I'd live to see my boy in prison. +Lord, never thought I'd live to see my boy in prison. Mom! It wasn't like that. It was bullsh... They were just harassing us. No charges were filed. It's alright. +You meet those friends of yours in jail too? Yes... No... Mom it's not like you think. They're alright. There out there trying to do something. +Yes... No... Mom it's not like you think. They're alright. There out there trying to do something. I hear them boys, those Black Panthers, they're communists. They don't even believe in God. +I hear them boys, those Black Panthers, they're communists. They don't even believe in God. Mom, black folks been praying to God for four hundred years. Maybe it's time we tried something else... +Mom, black folks been praying to God for four hundred years. Maybe it's time we tried something else... You believe that? +You believe that? I don't know. I really don't. +I'm sorry we didn't give you more warning. It's alright. I'm very happy for you. +"Do you think Frances with an ""e"" is too manly a name for a girl?" No. +No. "Do you think Francis with an ""i"" is too womanly a name for a boy?" +"Do you think Francis with an ""i"" is too womanly a name for a boy?" No. +No. Good. +When? Late summer. +Late summer. Congratulations. +Congratulations. Thank you. +I know who you are, Gabriel Marion. The last time I saw you, I was nine and you put ink in my tea. I... uh... that wasn't me, it was Samuel... I mean Nathan... +I... uh... that wasn't me, it was Samuel... I mean Nathan... It was you and it turned my teeth black for a month. +It was you and it turned my teeth black for a month. Uh... uh... I... +If I'd known you were going to look like this, I never would have put ink in your tea. You call that a compliment? +You call that a compliment? It's a start. +Next time we'll bring more blankets. That would be nice. +That would be nice. Maybe we'll be lucky this winter and have just rain, no snow. +Maybe we'll be lucky this winter and have just rain, no snow. That would be nice, too. +You expect to hold Cornwallis with militia? I expect to try. +I expect to try. Trust you and Harry Lee. Remember that damned overland you two thought up in '62 to hit Fort Louis? +Trust you and Harry Lee. Remember that damned overland you two thought up in '62 to hit Fort Louis? It worked. How many men can you raise? +It worked. How many men can you raise? Not many. Dalton, Scott, they've got their reasons; Rev. Oliver, he believes in the cause; some of the young bucks; a few like me with nothing to lose... What about you? You've got a lot to lose. +I say we drink the wine, shoot the dogs, and use the papers for musket wadding. His journals, letters, maps, books... +Am I one of that sort? You're the worst of that sort. You're the sort that gives that sort a bad name. +Well? I've just been inside the mind of a genius. Lord Cornwallis knows more about war than I could in a dozen lifetimes. +I've just been inside the mind of a genius. Lord Cornwallis knows more about war than I could in a dozen lifetimes. Cheerful news to greet the morn. +Cheerful news to greet the morn. His victories at Charleston and Camden were perfect, strategically, tactically, logistically. But he has a weakness. +Personally, I'd prefer stupidity. Pride will do. +He reminds me of you before you got old and ugly. No, he takes after his mother... +What do you mean, old and ugly? You got me beat on both accounts. +You got me beat on both accounts. The hell I do. +He shouldn't make light. That Redcoat should not have been killed. He's not making light. +You don't know him very well, do you? He's my father. +I know him well enough? Don't fault him for having grown up on the frontier. It was a harder time and a harder place than you know. +You got salt last week. Oh, right. Baking powder, we need baking powder. +Oh, right. Baking powder, we need baking powder. We've got plenty of baking powder. You went to Pembroke and got five pounds two weeks ago. +They're from good stock on their mother's side. Thank you. +You look well, Charlotte. As do you. +And send us to war alongside Massachusetts. Our governor is a bigger fool than I thought. +How did this... how did I let this happen? You couldn't have known. +You couldn't have known. I should have known... once I would have... I used to be wary... and today I watched my son killed before my eyes... your sister civilized me and I damn myself for having let her... +I should have known... once I would have... I used to be wary... and today I watched my son killed before my eyes... your sister civilized me and I damn myself for having let her... Thomas is dead but you've done nothing for which you should be ashamed. +Thomas is dead but you've done nothing for which you should be ashamed. I've done nothing and for that I am ashamed. +If you go, I'll care for them as if they were my own. I'll leave in the morning with Gabriel. +Excuse me? I said, I'm not my sister. +I said, I'm not my sister. I know that. +I know that. Do you? +Do you? Of course, I do. +Of course, I do. Very well, then. +Goodbye, Charlotte. Goodbye. +Two pounds, fourteen ounces. Lovely. +You're surrendering. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. What unit? +What unit? First Virginia Regulars under Colonel Hamilton. +First Virginia Regulars under Colonel Hamilton. Who cared for your wounds? +We did. With a lace table cloth? +My boys... my boys... you seem to have been well fed. Thank you for that, Colonel. My pleasure, sir. +My pleasure, sir. Please forgive me for keeping you waiting. +Please forgive me for keeping you waiting. Apology accepted. +Apology accepted. Thank you, Colonel... I'm afraid I don't know your name. +Thank you, Colonel... I'm afraid I don't know your name. Colonel will do. +Colonel will do. As you wish. +Shall we proceed? Let us. Unless you object, I would like to deem this meeting a formal negotiation and, as such, there are certain customary practices. Perhaps I could explain them to you... +Let us. Unless you object, I would like to deem this meeting a formal negotiation and, as such, there are certain customary practices. Perhaps I could explain them to you... I'm familiar with how a formal negotiation is handled. +I'm familiar with how a formal negotiation is handled. Oh? +Oh? I served in His Majesty's army in the French and Indian War. +I served in His Majesty's army in the French and Indian War. Oh. Very well, then. Would you, as the initiating party, like to begin? +Oh. Very well, then. Would you, as the initiating party, like to begin? Unless you would like to claim aggrieved status. +You are familiar with how these things are done. In fact, I would like to claim aggrieved status. Very well, proceed, sir. +Very well, proceed, sir. First, you have in your possession certain belongings of mine, including clothing, private papers, furniture and personal effects of a non-military nature which I would like to have returned to me. +First, you have in your possession certain belongings of mine, including clothing, private papers, furniture and personal effects of a non-military nature which I would like to have returned to me. I will do so as soon as possible. +Thank you. Please accept my apology for not having done so sooner. +Please accept my apology for not having done so sooner. Apology accepted. Now, on the matter of the specific targeting of officers during engagements, this is absolutely unacceptable. +Apology accepted. Now, on the matter of the specific targeting of officers during engagements, this is absolutely unacceptable. That one is a bit more difficult. +That one is a bit more difficult. Certainly you must know that in civilized warfare, officers in the field must not be accorded inappropriate levels of hostile attention. +Certainly you must know that in civilized warfare, officers in the field must not be accorded inappropriate levels of hostile attention. And what are inappropriate levels of hostile attention? +And what are inappropriate levels of hostile attention? Colonel, imagine the utter chaos that would result from un-led armies having at each other. There must be gentlemen in command to lead and, when appropriate, restrain their men. +Colonel, imagine the utter chaos that would result from un-led armies having at each other. There must be gentlemen in command to lead and, when appropriate, restrain their men. Restrain them from the targeting of civilians, including women and children? +Restrain them from the targeting of civilians, including women and children? That is a separate issue. +That is a separate issue. I consider them linked. +I consider them linked. I beg to differ. One is a command decision on your part. The other represents nothing more than the occasional over-exuberance of field officers attempting to carry out their duty in difficult circumstances. +I beg to differ. One is a command decision on your part. The other represents nothing more than the occasional over-exuberance of field officers attempting to carry out their duty in difficult circumstances. As long as your soldiers attack civilians, I will order the shooting of your officers at the outset of every engagement. And my men are excellent marksmen. +Very well, let us move on to... Prisoner exchange. +Prisoner exchange. Sir? +Sir? You have eighteen of my men. I want them back. +You have eighteen of my men. I want them back. I do have eighteen criminals under sentence of death, but I hold no prisoners-of-war. +I do have eighteen criminals under sentence of death, but I hold no prisoners-of-war. If that's your position, then eighteen of your officers will die. Nineteen, if you hang me with my men. +If that's your position, then eighteen of your officers will die. Nineteen, if you hang me with my men. What officers? +Their names, ranks and posts? They refused to give me their names. Their ranks are nine lieutenants, five captains, three majors and one fat colonel who called me a cheeky fellow. Their posts? We picked them up here-and-there last night. +My harrier. Join us, Colonel. Sir. +Colonel Tarleton, you deal with these damned rebels. Yes, sir. +It seems our Swamp Fox wants to have a formal parley. Are you going to meet with him? +Are you going to meet with him? Most certainly. Arrange it. +If I fail, you fail. Perhaps. +Perhaps. And if I triumph, you triumph. +And if I triumph, you triumph. Probably. +Probably. How can we end this madness? +How can we end this madness? Difficult, sir. This is, as you pointed out, a civil war. +Civility is a secondary virtue. It is superseded by duty. I understand, sir. +Do you see that, Colonel? Unless I'm dreaming, I think I see irregulars at their center. +Father, a post rider came from Charleston. You have a letter inside. Thank you. How's the spotted one's milk? +The New York and Rhode Island assemblies have been dissolved... The middle colonies? +The middle colonies? Rioting both sides of the bay, in Chestertown they burned the Customs House and tar-and-feathered the Customs Agent. He died of burns. In Wilmington they killed a Royal Magistrate and two Redcoats. +Rioting both sides of the bay, in Chestertown they burned the Customs House and tar-and-feathered the Customs Agent. He died of burns. In Wilmington they killed a Royal Magistrate and two Redcoats. Anything about the convention in Philadelphia? +Anything about the convention in Philadelphia? Poor Richard says they'll make a Declaration of Independence by July. +What news? The British army is barricaded in Boston. Harry Lee, is here from Virginia, recruiting for a Continental Army. +The British army is barricaded in Boston. Harry Lee, is here from Virginia, recruiting for a Continental Army. Is that why the Assembly was convened? +Is that why the Assembly was convened? Yes. He seeks a levy of troops and money. +Yes. He seeks a levy of troops and money. And the Governor? +And the Governor? He vowed that if the Assembly votes a single shilling to Lee, he'll dissolve the body. +He vowed that if the Assembly votes a single shilling to Lee, he'll dissolve the body. Which would force our delegates in Philadelphia to vote for independence. +Father, I've lost respect for you. I thought you were a man of principle. When you have children, I hope you'll understand. +When you have children, I hope you'll understand. When I have children, I hope I don't hide behind them. +Do you intend to enlist without my permission? Yes. +Have you seen any Redcoats? Not yet. What happened? +I have to get these dispatches to Hillsboro. You're in no condition to ride. +You're in no condition to ride. I have no choice, I... +Father... It's already over. +What now, sir? We put out the word. We'll start along the south side of the Santee... +We put out the word. We'll start along the south side of the Santee... We'd cover more ground if we split up. +We'd cover more ground if we split up. It's safer if we stay together. +Colonel, I didn't request this transfer because you're my father. I requested it because I believe in this cause and this is where I can do the most good. Oh? +Oh? I've been doing this for two years. I'm the best scout in the Continental Army, the best horseman, the best shot, the best scavenger and I know every deer path and swamp trail between here and Charleston. +I've been doing this for two years. I'm the best scout in the Continental Army, the best horseman, the best shot, the best scavenger and I know every deer path and swamp trail between here and Charleston. Is that so? +Is that so? Yes, sir. My father taught me. +Did your father teach you humility? He tried. It didn't take. +Alright, Corporal, you take Bennington, Harrisville, Acworth and the farms along Black Swamp. I'll take the north side of the river. We'll meet at Snow's Island. Yes, sir. +And, Corporal... ... be careful. Yes... ... father. +Is it? If you're here only for revenge, you're doing a disservice to him as well as yourself. +If you're here only for revenge, you're doing a disservice to him as well as yourself. How old are you? +How old are you? You know how old I am. +You know how old I am. God help us all when you're forty. +Less than a mile. Forty-one wagons, a company of Redcoat infantry, horses at the rear. Flanking riders? +Flanking riders? I didn't see any. +These four wagons must be his. And the dogs, too, I'll wager. +Lord Cornwallis is brilliant. His weakness is that he knows it. Father? +Father? Pride is his weakness. +Gabriel? Are you asleep? We're low on salt. I should go to Pembroke and get some. +Fourteen dead, eleven wounded, eighteen captured. I should have killed him when I had the chance? +I should have killed him when I had the chance? When was that? In the swamp at the expense of your men? Or when he killed Thomas at the expense of your family? +When was that? In the swamp at the expense of your men? Or when he killed Thomas at the expense of your family? No... +No... Or perhaps tomorrow at the expense of our cause. +Stay the course... your mother used to say that to me when I'd get drunk or lose my temper. She'd say it to me when I picked on Thomas or Nathan. +She'd say it to me when I picked on Thomas or Nathan. You learned her lessons better than I. +You learned her lessons better than I. She got me at a more impressionable age. +She spoke? Susan spoke? Full sentences. As if she had been speaking all along. +Full sentences. As if she had been speaking all along. I don't believe it... and I wasn't there for it... +She said... she loves you and misses you but she understands why you can't be there with her. She said that? Oh, my Lord, she said that? +Father, there's something else I need to talk to you about. What? +What? Come with me. I'll tell you when we get there. +Sir, I'd like to request a furlough. Two days? Granted. Where are you going? +Granted. Where are you going? Cheraw Falls. +Cheraw Falls. It's beautiful there. Your mother and I were there once, before you were born. +It's beautiful there. Your mother and I were there once, before you were born. I know. +Tarleton has a list of our men, most are on it. A regiment of dragoons is going to the homes on the list, burning them, killing whomever resists, women and children, as well. Where? +Where? Seven homes along the Black River so far... +Don't go in there. Is it her? Is Anne in there? +Is it her? Is Anne in there? She is. Don't go in there. +Father, tell me what happened at Fort Wilderness? You know what happened. +You know what happened. No, I don't. +No, I don't. Everyone knows. It's what made me a hero. Me, Harry Lee, all of us. I got a medal. Men bought me drinks. They still do sometimes. Everyone knows what happened. +Everyone knows. It's what made me a hero. Me, Harry Lee, all of us. I got a medal. Men bought me drinks. They still do sometimes. Everyone knows what happened. Tell me what everyone doesn't know. +Tell me what everyone doesn't know. And what do they know? +And what do they know? That the French and Cherokees captured the fort and when you retook it, you took revenge on them for what they did during the occupation. +That the French and Cherokees captured the fort and when you retook it, you took revenge on them for what they did during the occupation. That's right. +That's right. That's not enough. Tell me. +That's not enough. Tell me. Your mother asked me the same question around the time you were born. I was drunk and I was foolish enough to answer her. +That's why it was four years between you and Thomas. It took me that long to regain her respect. I'm not my mother. I can't have the respect without the knowing. +We buried them, then we went to track. It was a cold trail and they were moving fast. We went faster. We caught up to them at Kentucky Ford. Go on. +Go on. We took our time with them and gave every one of them worse than they had given at the fort. It was two weeks before they were all dead, all except two. We put the heads on a pallet and had the two we let live take it to the French at Fort Ambercon. The eyes, fingers and tongues we put in a basket and sent that down the Asheulot to the Cherokee. The French stayed east of the Blue Ridge after that and the Cherokee broke their treaty with the French and stayed out of the fight. That seemed to make a difference. The war went another year, things went better... and men bought us drinks. +It was a different time, son. And you're a better man than that. I see, do as I say, not as I do. +I see, do as I say, not as I do. Yes. +If this war is about more than Thomas, it's about more than Anne, as well. Stay the course. As you did at Fort Wilderness? +He wanted to, Susan, but he couldn't leave his men. He left us. +He left us. I know he did and he's sorry. He'll come back as soon as he can. +There are some letters here from him. Some are just to you. I don't care. I hate him. +I don't care. I hate him. You don't hate him. +You don't hate him. Yes, I do. I hate him and I hope he never comes back. +An American nation. Colonel Lee, with your permission? Please. +Please. Those of us who call ourselves Patriots are not seeking to give birth to an American nation, but to protect one that already exists. It was born a hundred-and-seventy years ago at Jamestown, Virginia and has grown stronger and more mature with every generation reared and with every crop sown and harvested. We are a nation and our rights as citizens of that nation are threatened by a tyrant three thousand miles away. +Those of us who call ourselves Patriots are not seeking to give birth to an American nation, but to protect one that already exists. It was born a hundred-and-seventy years ago at Jamestown, Virginia and has grown stronger and more mature with every generation reared and with every crop sown and harvested. We are a nation and our rights as citizens of that nation are threatened by a tyrant three thousand miles away. Thank you. Were I an orator, those are the exact words I would have spoken. +Mister Robinson, I fought with Captain Marion in the French and Indian War, including the Wilderness Campaign. We served as scouts under Washington and I have no doubts about Captain Marion's courage or competence on a battlefield. There's not a man in this room, or anywhere, for that matter, to whom I would more willingly trust my life. I stand corrected. +I stand corrected. Nonetheless, I would like to know, Mister Marion, how... how... how... +Captain Marion, I understood you to be a Patriot. It's Mister Marion. +It's Mister Marion. I understood him to be a Patriot as well. +Damn it, Francis! How in God's name do you expect to gain independence without going to war? Harry, Harry, Harry... +A long time ago... Thirteen years... +Thirteen years... That's a damn long time... +You were an Englishman then... I was an American, I just didn't know it yet... +We don't have to go to war to gain independence... Balderdash! +Balderdash! There are a thousand avenues, other than war, at our disposal... +There are a thousand avenues, other than war, at our disposal... Name five hundred. +Name five hundred. Royal petition, delegates to court, judicial redress, economic boycott, bribery... +Royal petition, delegates to court, judicial redress, economic boycott, bribery... That's five, keep going... +That's five, keep going... ... time, royal succession, regicide, bribery... +... time, royal succession, regicide, bribery... You said bribery twice... +Wars are not fought only by childless men. A man must weigh his personal responsibilities against his principles. That's what I'm doing. I will not fight and because I won't, I will not cast a vote that will send others to fight in my stead. +That's what I'm doing. I will not fight and because I won't, I will not cast a vote that will send others to fight in my stead. And your principles? +And your principles? I'm a parent, I don't have the luxury of principles. +One of yours? Gabriel. +Gabriel. I recognize him now. Is he as imprudent as his father was at his age? +I recognize him now. Is he as imprudent as his father was at his age? No, thank the Lord. He's more like his mother. +No, thank the Lord. He's more like his mother. I'll see to it that he serves under me. +I'll see to it that he serves under me. Thank you. +Green Dragoons came to my home, killed my son, Thomas. It was Tarleton himself. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't here for this. +I'm sorry I wasn't here for this. There's nothing you could have done, Gates is a damned fool. +There's nothing you could have done, Gates is a damned fool. We saw. +We saw. I begged him to stay in the cover of the trees but he insisted the only way to break Cornwallis was muzzle- to-muzzle. He spent too many years in the British army. +I begged him to stay in the cover of the trees but he insisted the only way to break Cornwallis was muzzle- to-muzzle. He spent too many years in the British army. Where is he now? +Where is he now? Last anyone saw, riding hard, northeast, his staff a hundred yards behind, trying to catch up. +Last anyone saw, riding hard, northeast, his staff a hundred yards behind, trying to catch up. Who's in command? +Who's in command? I am, I think. +I am, I think. What are my orders? +We're a breath away from losing this war. In the North, Washington is reeling from Valley Forge, running and hiding from Clinton and twelve thousand Redcoats. Here in the South, Cornwallis has broken our back. He captured over five thousand of our troops when he took Charleston and today he destroyed the only army that stood between him and New York. So now Cornwallis will head north, link up with Clinton and finish off Washington. +So now Cornwallis will head north, link up with Clinton and finish off Washington. And Patriots will start dying on the gallows instead of the battlefield. Unless we can keep Cornwallis in the South until the French arrive. A treaty was signed at Versailles after our victory at Saratoga. The French are sending a fleet and ten thousand troops. +And Patriots will start dying on the gallows instead of the battlefield. Unless we can keep Cornwallis in the South until the French arrive. A treaty was signed at Versailles after our victory at Saratoga. The French are sending a fleet and ten thousand troops. When? +When? Fall, six months at the earliest. +Fall, six months at the earliest. Long time. +Long time. The bigger problem is where, not when. The French fleet won't sail north of the Chesapeake for fear of early storms. +The bigger problem is where, not when. The French fleet won't sail north of the Chesapeake for fear of early storms. So you're going to try to keep Cornwallis in the South until then. +So you're going to try to keep Cornwallis in the South until then. Not me, you. I'm going north with every Continental regular I can find to reinforce Washington or he won't last six weeks. +Not me, you. I'm going north with every Continental regular I can find to reinforce Washington or he won't last six weeks. You expect Cornwallis to be held here by militia? +You expect Cornwallis to be held here by militia? Not held, just slowed down. +Not held, just slowed down. They're nothing but farmers and you're asking them to try to keep a tiger in their backyard. They'd be better off letting it move on. +They're nothing but farmers and you're asking them to try to keep a tiger in their backyard. They'd be better off letting it move on. They'd be better off, but the cause wouldn't be. +They'd be better off, but the cause wouldn't be. How many men does Cornwallis have under his command? +How many men does Cornwallis have under his command? Four thousand infantry and around six hundred cavalry... ... including the Green Dragoons under Tarleton. +His wife was killed yesterday. She was with child. I'm sorry, I didn't know. +Don't touch him. How many men have we seen die? +How many men have we seen die? Two. Gabriel and Thomas. +Two. Gabriel and Thomas. They're gone. And there is nothing you or I can do to bring them back. But there is something you can do to help end all this. +They're gone. And there is nothing you or I can do to bring them back. But there is something you can do to help end all this. It is ended. +It is ended. No. It's not over yet. Two days ride, Yorktown, Virginia. Washington, the French, Cornwallis and Tarleton. It will end, one way or another. Francis, nothing will replace your sons but helping us will justify their sacrifice. +Goodbye, Francis. Goodbye, Harry. +And congratulations on the birth of your son. Thank you. Maybe all of this will buy him some peace. +Thank you. Maybe all of this will buy him some peace. I hope so. +Your son, what did you name him? Robert. Robert E. Lee. +Lord Cornwallis will be with you presently. Thank you. +Thank you. You may, of course, keep your weapons, but I must warn you that... +You may, of course, keep your weapons, but I must warn you that... I'm familiar with appropriate behavior at a military parley. +I'm familiar with appropriate behavior at a military parley. Yes, quite, but you should know that... +Yes, quite, but you should know that... That will be all, Major. I'll wait for Lord Cornwallis. +That will be all, Major. I'll wait for Lord Cornwallis. Yes... you will wait. +How far away? Four, five miles. +Don't worry. We could go stay at Aunt Charlotte's farm. She's to the west. +We could go stay at Aunt Charlotte's farm. She's to the west. No, there'll be skirmishers on the roads. We're safer here. +Margaret, take William and Susan to the river shed. Hide there. If we're not back by dawn, go up the river to the Richardson's house. They'll take you to your Aunt Charlotte's farm. Nathan, Samuel, and I are going to get Gabriel. But what about Thomas? +But what about Thomas? Leave him. Take care of William and Susan. +Reverend. I heard about your son. I'm sorry. +Thank you. For what? +For what? For trying to impose some decency on that sort. +For trying to impose some decency on that sort. Don't depend on my decency. I'm one of that sort. +It's a good measure of a woman that she'll have her honeymoon under the stars. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do they part. +How many came back? About a hundred and twenty. Less than a third. +Colonel, let us help his soul find it's place with the Almighty and... He looks as if he's sleeping, doesn't he? +He looks as if he's sleeping, doesn't he? Yes, he does. +Gray. Earned. +I was sorry to hear about your son. I lost another a year ago, Thomas. He was only fifteen. +I lost another a year ago, Thomas. He was only fifteen. I've had no sons to lose, nor daughters. I lose the sons of other men. +Francis, tell me about General Cornwallis. Remember Braddock? +Remember Braddock? That bad? +That bad? Worse. +Worse. Proud, priggish and competent. A very bad combination in an adversary. +If Cornwallis receives news that Clinton is coming, he'll simply hold tight and wait. He'll fight a purely defensive battle and he'll win that. No, he won't. There are two things you need to know about Cornwallis. First, he is a very proud man, He would rather risk defeat than share a victory. If you give him what he thinks is an out, he'll take it. +No, he won't. There are two things you need to know about Cornwallis. First, he is a very proud man, He would rather risk defeat than share a victory. If you give him what he thinks is an out, he'll take it. And what is the second thing? +Not yet, Thomas. When? +Seventeen. But it's already been two years and that's two more years. The war could be over by then. +But it's already been two years and that's two more years. The war could be over by then. God willing. +Put those away. But father, they might come this way. +But father, they might come this way. Put them away. +Father, I saw a post rider at the house. Thank you. Did you finish the upper field? +Father? Six-pounders. Lots of them. +Father, you can't let them take him... Quiet. +Father... I killed those men... Don't blame yourself, you did what I told you to do. +Don't blame yourself, you did what I told you to do. I'm glad I killed them... I'm glad... +Who might you be, little Miss? I'm Ellen Creed and I live at 642 Alden Lane, Dearborn, Michigan. At least, I used to. +I'm Ellen Creed and I live at 642 Alden Lane, Dearborn, Michigan. At least, I used to. And now you live on Route 9 in Ludlow, and your dad's gonna be the new doctor up to the college, I hear, and I think you're going to be just as happy as a clam here, Ellen Creed. +But where are we going, Mr. Crandall? You'll see soon enough, hon. +Best never to go climbing on old blowdowns like this, Ellie--sometimes they bite. Bite? +Bite? Ayuh. +Do you know what this place is, Ellie? Oh, I know you know it's a boneyard, but a bone ain't nothing and even a whole pile of 'em don't amount to much. Do you know what a graveyard really is? Well...I guess not. +Well...I guess not. It's a place where the dead speak, Missy. +What if you can't read what's written on there anymore? Well, it still says some animal got laid down here after, don't it? +Well, it still says some animal got laid down here after, don't it? Yes-- +They do it to honor the dead, Ellen. Is that right, dad? +Ellie...God doesn't do things like that. I know you loved y'brother, but-- He can if He wants to. He can do anything, just like Inspector Gadget on TV. But I have to keep things ready for him, that's what I think. I've got his picture and I'm going to sit in his chair-- +It's gorgeous! Am I really gonna have my own room? +Yes, but the rope might be-- Yaay! +Honey, Church will be fine. But what if he dies and has to go to the Pet Sematary? +I want to fly it! Can I fly it now, mommy! In a minute, hon. Let Gage finish his turn. +Paxcow says it's almost too late! Ellie...Ellie...what... +Ellie...Ellie...what... Paxcow says it's almost too late! We have to go back! Paxcow says it's almost too late! +Paxcow says Daddy's going to do something really bad. He-- Who is this Paxcow? Is he like the boogeyman? +Who is this Paxcow? Is he like the boogeyman? He's a ghost. But he's a good ghost. +There are no ghosts, Ellie. I want you to go to sleep and forget all this nonsense. Will you at least call and make sure daddy's okay? +Will you at least call and make sure daddy's okay? Of course I will. +Please hurry. I will. Come and kiss me. +Yes. Yaay! +Hurrts! It hurrrrts! Anyone who can scream that loud isn't ready for intensive care just yet-- looks like she just skinned her knee. +No-I guess not. Yayyy! +Have you got a death-wish, Ellen? Well, I thought it was safe-- +I want to look around, daddy-- may I? For a little while. +And that someone cared enough about that animal to mark the spot. To remember. +That's what I think. I heard Missy Dandridge tell Mom when Church was fixed he wouldn't cross the road so much. Well, it's always better to take precautions--but I'm sure Church will be all right, honey... +In the end he's gonna croak, isn't he? Lovey...Church might be still alive when you're in a high school...and that's a very long time. +Lovey...Church might be still alive when you're in a high school...and that's a very long time. It doesn't seem long to me. It seems short. I think the whole thing about pets dying s-s-sucks! +Good God! Where'd you hear that? Missy Dandridge. And she says it's a operation! +Yeah, I know...how are things out there in Chicagoland? Fine...except when Mom was airing Gage's diaper rash, he walked away and got into Grampa's study and pooped in Grampa's favorite chair. +Yes...I guess so. He was sleeping on the front porch when I left. Cause I had a bad dream about him. I dreamed he got hit by a car and you and Mr. Crandall buried him in the Pet Sematary. +Is he really all right? Yes. +Yes. Because you promised. +Because you promised. I know. +I've noticed it, too. I'll cough up the money, Ellen. I hate that smell. +She's in bed. She was throwing up. Ever since Mrs. Rogers called and said Missy-- That's enough, Ellen. +Ellie? What's wrong? No more chocolate chip cookies. +No more chocolate chip cookies. Huh? +Huh? Missy made the best chocolate chip cookies in the world--even Mom said so. Now there won't be any more because she's gonna be dead forever! +What's up, sugar? Daddy, do you think Missy Dandridge went to heaven? +At school Michael McDowell said she was gonna fry in hell. Michael McDowell says all sewersides fry in hell. Well, I think Michael McDowell is so full of shit he probably squeaks when he walks, my dear. +But don't you dare say that. I won't...is Missy in heaven, do you think? +I won't...is Missy in heaven, do you think? I don't know, honey. Different people believe all sorts of different things happen to us when we die. Some believe in heaven or hell. Some think we're born again as little children-- +I don't know, honey. Different people believe all sorts of different things happen to us when we die. Some believe in heaven or hell. Some think we're born again as little children-- Sure, carnation. Like in that movie you rented, Audrey Rose. +Sure, carnation. Like in that movie you rented, Audrey Rose. Well, it's actually reincarnation, but you get the idea. And some people think we just wink out...like a candle flame when the wind blows hard. +Well, it's actually reincarnation, but you get the idea. And some people think we just wink out...like a candle flame when the wind blows hard. Do you believe that? +I think we go on. I'm not sure what happens after we die, but yeah-- I have faith in that. You believe in it. +You believe in it. Oh, faith's a little more than just believing. +I don't get it. Well, here we are, sitting in my chair. Do you think my chair will be here tomorrow? +Well, here we are, sitting in my chair. Do you think my chair will be here tomorrow? Yeah, sure. +Yeah, sure. Then you have faith in that. But we don't know it will be; after all, some crazed chair-burglar might break in while we're away and steal it, right? +I'm not tired! I'm sure you're not. +I'm sure you're not. Then why do I have to go to bed? +Then why do I have to go to bed? Because your mother and I need the rest, sugar. Now buzz. +Ellie-- And I'm going to eat his breakfast cereal, too, even though it tastes like boogers. And...and... +Be good to your mother, darlin'. She needs you. Come with us, daddy. Please come with us! +Come with us, daddy. Please come with us! I'll be there in three days--four at the most. I've got to get the electricity shut off and square things with your school so the truant officer ain't after you, and-- +Do you swear? I swear. +Jud Crandall. I live just across the road. I'm Rachel. Thanks again for saving the wandering minstrel boy, here. +I'm Rachel. Thanks again for saving the wandering minstrel boy, here. No harm, no foul. But you want to watch out for that road. Those damn trucks go back and forth all day and most of the night. +Excuse me, Mr. Crandall--I've got to change this kid. It's nice to meet you. Same here. Come over and visit when you get the chance. +How can you call it a good thing? A graveyard for pets killed in the road! Built and maintained by broken- hearted children! Well, but Missus Creed! It ain't quite that way, deah! +No--but if he drops by, I'll tell him to call you. Jud, do you remember the name of the student that died on Louis's first day at work? The one that was hit by a car? +Was it Pascow? Ayuh, I think 'twas. If I see Louis come home before I go to bed, I'll tell him to-- +Ayuh, I think 'twas. If I see Louis come home before I go to bed, I'll tell him to-- Don't bother. I'm coming home. +Hey--they actually found the place! Movin' in's mighty thirsty work. I usually sit out on my porch of an evening and pour a couple of beers over m'dinner. Come on over and join me, if you want. +Movin' in's mighty thirsty work. I usually sit out on my porch of an evening and pour a couple of beers over m'dinner. Come on over and join me, if you want. Well, maybe I---- +You need a glass? Not at all. +Not at all. Good for you. +God, that's fine. Ain't it just? The man who invented beer, Louis, that man was having a prime day for himself. +Ain't it just? The man who invented beer, Louis, that man was having a prime day for himself. What were you listening to? +What were you listening to? Allman Brothers. +Allman Brothers. What? +What? The Eat A Peach album. God, they were good before drugs and bad luck caught up with them. Listen to this, Louis. +Nice. I like rock and roll. No...I guess that's too mild. I love it. Since my ears started to die out on me, it's the only music I can really hear. And since my wife died...I dunno, some- times a little rock and roll fills up night. Not always, but sometimes. One more time--welcome to Ludlow. Hope your time here will be a happy one. +The one that goes into the woods--sure. That road--and those Orinco trucks-- are the two main reasons it's there. +That road--and those Orinco trucks-- are the two main reasons it's there. What's at the end of it? +You folks ready to go on? Sure. +Who owns the woods up ahead? Paper companies? Nope. The Micmac Indians. What's up ahead is all that's left of their tribal lands. +Not yet...how much further is it? Aw, you'll be okay. Less than a mile. +I can hardly read these. Ayuh--they get older as you go toward the middle. Pete LaVasseur's dog is buried there... the Stoppard boys' racing pigeon that Missus Cowley's cat got...and I think that's the cat himself right there, although it's been so many years I can't tell for sure. Missy Ellen! Come over here just a minute! +No--not right out loud. Their stones speak...or their markers. Even if the marker ain't nothing but a tin can someone wrote on with a Magic Marker, it speaks. Ain't that so, Louis? I think it is so, Ellie. +My wife is not crazy about cemeteries of any kind. As you may have noticed. Me neither. But I believe in knowing your enemy. +Did you tell me Rachel took the kids back to Chicago for a few days? For Ellie's birthday, yes. I didn't go because her old man thinks I'm a shit and the feeling is heartily re- ciprocated...they'll be back tomorrow night. Jud, what's this about? +For Ellie's birthday, yes. I didn't go because her old man thinks I'm a shit and the feeling is heartily re- ciprocated...they'll be back tomorrow night. Jud, what's this about? Well, there's a dead cat over here on the edge of my lawn, Louis. I think it might be your daughter's. +Well, there's a dead cat over here on the edge of my lawn, Louis. I think it might be your daughter's. Church? Oh. Oh, Jesus. +It's Church. I'm sorry. At least it don't look like he suffered. +I'm sorry. At least it don't look like he suffered. Ellie will, though. She'll suffer plenty. +Loved that cat pretty well, didn't she? Yes. +Bagged cat. What a mess. You going to bury him in the Pet Sematary? +Going to tell Ellie? I don't know. +I don't know. Seems like you told me about a promise you made-- +No need to apologize. Maybe when they call I'll just tell Ellie I haven't seen the damn cat around. You know? +Jud, this is crazy. It's going to be almost dark before we get back. It's going to be dark before we even get where we're going, Louis. But we can do it...and we're going to. +It's going to be dark before we even get where we're going, Louis. But we can do it...and we're going to. But-- +But-- Does she love the cat? +Does she love the cat? Yes, but-- +Yes, but-- Then come on. +What say, Louis? Nothing. Do we plant him on the outer circle or start a new one? +Nothing. Do we plant him on the outer circle or start a new one? We're still not where we're going. +What do you mean? The place we're going is on the other side of that. +We can't climb over that. We'll break our necks! No. We won't. I have climbed it a time or two before, and I know all the places to step. Just follow me...move easy...don't look down...and don't stop. If you stop, you'll crash through for sure. +No. We won't. I have climbed it a time or two before, and I know all the places to step. Just follow me...move easy...don't look down...and don't stop. If you stop, you'll crash through for sure. I'm not climbing that. +I'm not climbing that. Give me the cat. I'll take care of it myself. +No, you shouldn't have stopped. But you got away with it. Important thing is are you sure you're all right? Yes. Where are we going, Jud? +Yes. Where are we going, Jud? You'll see before long. Let's go. +Micmacs used to call it Little God Swamp. Is there quicksand? +Is there quicksand? Ayuh. +There's a lot of funny things down this way, Louis. You're telling me. +It's funny, all right. Just don't stop, Louis. You don't ever want to stop down here in Little God. And you don't ever want to look behind you, whatever you hear. +Almost there, Louis. You keep saying that. +You keep saying that. This time I mean it. +This was their burying ground, Louis. Whose burying ground? +Whose burying ground? The Micmac Indians. I brought you here to bury Ellen's cat. +The Micmac Indians. I brought you here to bury Ellen's cat. Why? For God's sake, why? +Why? For God's sake, why? I had my reasons, Louis. We'll talk later. All right? +I had my reasons, Louis. We'll talk later. All right? I guess so...but... +I guess so...but... You want to rest a bit before you start? +You want to rest a bit before you start? No, I'm okay. Will I really be able to dig him a grave? The soil looks thin. +No, I'm okay. Will I really be able to dig him a grave? The soil looks thin. Soil's thin, all right. But you'll manage. +What are those for? Your cairn. +Doesn't look like they last long. Don't worry about that. +Don't worry about that. Jud, why am I doing all this? +Jud, why am I doing all this? Because it's right. +But-- No buts! Accept what's done, Louis. What we done was right. Another time it might not be, but tonight it was... at least I hope to Christ it was. Now you make your call...but not a word about tonight. +I most generally don't start before noon, but this looks like an exception. What did we do, Jud? +What did we do, Jud? Why, saved a little girl from being unhappy...that's all. Drink up, Louis! +I tried to tell myself I buried him alive. You know--Edgar Allan Poe meets Felix the Cat. But... Wouldn't wash? +Wouldn't wash? No. I'm a doctor. I know death when I see it, and Church was dead. He smells horrible and he uses his claws, but he's alive...and I feel like I'm going crazy. It was that place, wasn't it? +No. I'm a doctor. I know death when I see it, and Church was dead. He smells horrible and he uses his claws, but he's alive...and I feel like I'm going crazy. It was that place, wasn't it? Ayuh. It was the rag-man told me about the place--Stanley Bouchard. Us kids just called him Stanny B. He was half Micmac himself. +Can I have another one? I guess it wouldn't hurt. +They buried their dead and for a long time their dead stayed buried. Then something happened. Half the tribe died in a season. The rest moved on. They said a Wendigo had soured the ground. Wendigo? +Wendigo? Spirit of the north country. Not a good spirit. Wendigos are great liars and tricksters, according to the stories. And if one touches you... +You and this old Indian rag-man-- Stanny B. did for me what I did for you last night, Louis. Only I wasn't alone when Spot came back. +Well, she was a little upset at first, and that's why I thought you ought to hold your peace when you talked to your people last night...you did, didn't you, Louis? Yes. +Yes. Why, then, things should be fine. +Why, then, things should be fine. A little upset is all she was? Because I'll tell you, Jud, my brains feel a little like a nuclear reactor on the edge of a meltdown. +A little upset is all she was? Because I'll tell you, Jud, my brains feel a little like a nuclear reactor on the edge of a meltdown. She got used to the idea. Spot lived another four years. He died peacefully in the night that second time, and I buried him in the Pet Sematary...where his bones still lie. +A man doesn't always know why he does things, Louis. I think I did it because your daughter ain't ready for her favorite pet to die. What? +What? Ellie's a little scared of death. And the main reason Ellie's that way is because your wife is a lot scared of death. Now you just go ahead and tell me I'm wrong. +Rachel not feeling well? Well...a touch of the flu... +Out of the mouths of babes, Louis. This babe has said enough. +Poor Missy. God, I was sorry to hear. I remember when she was no older'n Ellen there, walking down to the store with her Raggedy Anne doll draggin' behind her in the dust. I don't know why God takes someone like her, who should have a bunch of years still in front of them, and lets an old shit like me just go on and on. "My father used to have a saying, Jud-- ""God sees the truth, but waits.""" +"My father used to have a saying, Jud-- ""God sees the truth, but waits.""" Ayuh...how is your cat, Louis? +Ayuh...how is your cat, Louis? It's Ellie's cat. +It's Ellie's cat. Nope. He's your cat now. +Your father-in-law packs a wallop, for an old guy. He and his wife gone back to Chicago? No...squatting out there at the Holiday Inn like a couple of vultures. He really thinks Rachel's going to go back with them. Her and Ellie. +No...squatting out there at the Holiday Inn like a couple of vultures. He really thinks Rachel's going to go back with them. Her and Ellie. Louis-- +Jud, I buried my son today and I'm very tired. I wonder if we could just-- You're thinking of things best not thought of, Louis. +You're thinking of things best not thought of, Louis. I'm thinking about going to bed. +--but I think the thought has crossed your mind. Shit! Look at this mess! +Shit! Look at this mess! Ayuh--it's a mess, all right. +I know the Micmacs thought it was a holy place...and then they thought it was a cursed place. That's why they moved on. Because something called a wendigo soured the ground. +Because something called a wendigo soured the ground. And because the dead walked. +I'll bite--what's the bottom of the truth, Jud? Why...that sometimes dead is better. That's all. Sometimes dead is better. +I want to wake up. I want to wake up, that's all. I-- The door must not be opened. The barrier must not be crossed. Don't go on, doc. No matter how much you feel you have to. There's more power here than you know. +Please, I want to wake up. Leave me alone. It's not my fault you died; you were as good as dead when they brought you in-- The power of this place is old and always restless. Sometimes the dead do more than speak. Remember, doc. +The power of this place is old and always restless. Sometimes the dead do more than speak. Remember, doc. Leave me alone! +Leave me alone! Remember. +The door must not be opened. The barrier must not be crossed. You don't understand-- +I'll tell you where the ground is sour--the ground in my heart is sour. Let me tell you something else, Vic-baby: Wrong is wrong. Timmy Baterman. That was wrong. +Timmy Baterman. That was wrong. Don't talk like an asshole even if you are just a bit of underdone potato or a blot of mustard. +Let her go. It's cool. Louis, the house is beautiful. +And Buckaroo Banzai. Come on--let's parole 'em. +Gage's gone! Jesus, the road! +Thank you. Thank you so much. Yes--thanks. I'm Louis Creed. +The movers-- Yes--I know. This path, Louis? Where does it go? +Yes--I know. This path, Louis? Where does it go? I don't have the slightest idea. When I saw the house, this field was under four feet of snow. +You're not really going over to have a beer with that old guy, are you? Well, I've got a million questions about the area, and--- +Well, I've got a million questions about the area, and--- ---and you'll end up doing a free consultation on his arthritis or urinary problems and--- +---and you'll end up doing a free consultation on his arthritis or urinary problems and--- Did you see his shirt? +My God! It's beautiful! +I think it's rather extraordinary. Extraordinarily morbid, maybe. +She's finally asleep. She was a little over-excited, that's all. Poor kid. +She was a little over-excited, that's all. Poor kid. It was that place. That creepy cemetery up in the woods. Whatever disease the kids in this town have got, I don't want Ellie to catch it. +It was that place. That creepy cemetery up in the woods. Whatever disease the kids in this town have got, I don't want Ellie to catch it. Jesus, Rachel, what's got into you? +Jesus, Rachel, what's got into you? Do you think I didn't hear her tonight, crying as if her heart would break? Here she is thinking Church is going to die. +Don't be silly. Church is not going to die. According to what Mr. Crandall says, the road's a lot more dangerous than the operation. Church will be just the same. Well--almost the same--and we won't have to worry about him getting turned into catburgers by one of those damn Orinco trucks. +That's enough of that kind of talk! I just said-- +I just said-- I know what you just said. Ellie, clear your place. +You'll be fine, Ellie. Now you can be excused. Go and wash your face. And Church will be fine. +Well, honey...you know that... Don't shilly-shally, Louis. Give the little girl her promise. +Thank you, Louis. Oh, you're welcome. Only if some- thing should go wrong while he's under the gas--it's a one-in-a-thousand shot, but it happens--you explain to her. +Getting there. I got eggs down here! +I got eggs down here! Good d-- +I heard you tonight. I thought maybe you did. I know you don't approve of the subject being raised-- +I thought maybe you did. I know you don't approve of the subject being raised-- That's not true. The subject scares me. Because of Zelda. +I'm sorry I couldn't go with you to Missy's funeral. And that I blew up when we went to that silly animal graveyard. That's forgotten. +That's forgotten. Not by me, it isn't. I know how badly I acted, how unfair I was. It's just that I..you know. +Not by me, it isn't. I know how badly I acted, how unfair I was. It's just that I..you know. Yes, I guess I do. +I'm going to try to do better. You're doing fine. +You better get going, hon. Oh Louis, I just don't know about this-- +Oh Louis, I just don't know about this-- I told you last night--this can be the start of patching things up with your folks. If something good doesn't come of Gage's death, I think I'll go crazy. +I told you last night--this can be the start of patching things up with your folks. If something good doesn't come of Gage's death, I think I'll go crazy. Louis, are you sure? +Louis, are you sure? I'm sure. +You stole my boat. AnaMaria! Have you seen Gibbs? I need to put together -- +My dory. The Jolly Mon. Where is it? Safe! At Port Royal. With the Royal Navy. +Safe! At Port Royal. With the Royal Navy. That boat is my livelihood! +That boat is my livelihood! You'll get it back. Or one better. +You'll get it back. Or one better. I will. +How does he do that? They'll be anchored on the lee side. Haul your wind, and keep to the weather of the island -- +AnaMaria, trim the mainsail! Aye, aye, sir! +Aye, aye, sir! Mr. Gibbs, organize a cleaning detail -- you and Cotton. I want every inch of the Pearl spic-and- span and ship-shape! +What's in your head, boy? She. Goes. Free. +She. Goes. Free. You've got one shot -- and we can't die. +You've got one shot -- and we can't die. You can't. I can. +Enough of that! Name your terms. Elizabeth goes free! +Elizabeth goes free! We got that part. Anything else? +We got that part. Anything else? And Jack. And the crew. Free and unharmed. If you agree ... then ... I will remain with you. +You must swear by the Holy Bible. Eh? You have my word, then -- on the Good Book, I do swear, and the Lord spare my worthless soul. +No! You gave your word! Quite, boy, or you'll lose your tongue. Those as know me know I wouldn't cross my word, and bring down bad luck on the ship. I agreed to set them free. I didn't when ... nor where. +Hah. Ten years you carried that pistol, and you end up wasting your shot. He didn't waste it. +I know whose blood you need, to end the curse. Say the name, or I slit your throat. +Say the name, or I slit your throat. No you won't. +Allow me the humor of listening to your terms. Simple. I have something you won't more than anything. The way to free you from the curse of the treasure. You have something I want -- more than anything. +Simple. I have something you won't more than anything. The way to free you from the curse of the treasure. You have something I want -- more than anything. The Pearl? Oh, that's fine. And just how do you expect this to work? +The Pearl? Oh, that's fine. And just how do you expect this to work? You give me the Pearl. Then I tell you who you need. +That's your offer? You, sailing away nice and pretty with the Black Pearl, and all I have is a name? That's right. +That's right. I'm supposed to ... trust you? +You see, I've got this honest streak in me -- in its own way, a sort of curse. Oh, and there's the fact that you have no choice. I'll torture it out of you. +I'll torture it out of you. You left me on a desert island -- what worse can you do? +Blast you! I'll throw you in prison. Wait as long as you like. +Wait as long as you like. You're setting me up for a double cross, you with the ship, and me with nothing more than your word! +You're setting me up for a double cross, you with the ship, and me with nothing more than your word! Let's say I tell you the wrong person. What would you do? +Let's say I tell you the wrong person. What would you do? Track you down and -- +Jack, I don't trust you, and that's a fact. Never trust a smiling man, you can lay to that. See, that's where we're different. I trust you ... to do what it takes to get what you want. +See, that's where we're different. I trust you ... to do what it takes to get what you want. You're playing this as close to the edge as any man, I'll give you that. We might just have to sign articles, you and I. Jack, you're a pirate at heart, that's certain. +What -- you don't have the medallion? That fool woman took it. You be careful around her, Jack -- she's pretty enough, she'll steal your heart -- but pure evil inside. +That fool woman took it. You be careful around her, Jack -- she's pretty enough, she'll steal your heart -- but pure evil inside. I'll watch my back. +I'll watch my back. Bosun! Set up Mr. Sparrow's quarters, nice and fine ... in the brig. Meaning no disrespect, of course. +It's pure evil to make a Captain walk the plank of his own ship, twice in one lifetime. No good can come of it. Now, Jack. That reef is less than a league distant. It's a square deal all around, and you can't hope for better. +Now, Jack. That reef is less than a league distant. It's a square deal all around, and you can't hope for better. Someone needs to cut these bonds, then. +You'd best take a swim, Jack. The last time you do this, you left me a pistol, with one shot. +So how did you get off that island, anyway? You can go to your grave not knowing. +You can go to your grave not knowing. That's fair. +No, I really think I do. All right then. +Why don't I want to do this? Because, right about now, the H.M.S. Dauntless is lying in wait in the harbor. +You've no hope of surviving Norrington's attack ... that is, if you're mortal. What're you suggesting? +Like after you've killed ... Every ... Last ... One ... of Norrington's men. I can't help wondering, Jack, why you're being so helpful and all? Last time you did that, it didn't end well for you. +I can't help wondering, Jack, why you're being so helpful and all? Last time you did that, it didn't end well for you. The situation has changed. +The situation has changed. That so? +That so? Aye. See, after you're done with the Royal Navy, you'll have a bit of a problem: the H.M.S. Dauntless. There you'll be, with two lovely ships on your hands, and what to do? Of course you'll decide you deserve the bigger one, and who's to argue? The Dauntless a first- rate ship-of-line, and with it, you can rule the seas. But if you're Captain of the Dauntless, who's left for the Black Pearl? +Now, you can take care of the Dauntless, right? Men! Are you up for it? +There's ... another exit? Aye, for us there is. +Just so you know, Jack -- I don't think you're that clever. I think you're a fool. A mortal fool. Remarkable how often those two traits coincide. +So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals, locked in epic battle until the trumpets of Judgement Day? Or you could surrender. +Now? Now. No, don't kill him. +Looks like your back to having nothing to offer. And he's got Old Bill's courage. A curse on him, and you! +That's proper, sir, according to the code. By the powers, you're right! Where's Jack's pistol? Who's got it? Bring it forward! +No reason to fret. It's just a prick of the finger and a few drops of blood. Turner blood doesn't flow pure in his veins. Best play it safe, and spill it all. +Turner blood doesn't flow pure in his veins. Best play it safe, and spill it all. I guess there is a reason to fret. +Do you believe him? No. But him I believe. He us genuinely angry. +My apologies, miss. As you were saying, before you were so rudely interrupted? Captain Barbossa ... I have come to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal. +There was a lot of long words in there, miss, and we're not but humble pirates. What is it you want? I want you to leave. And never come back. +I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means 'No.' Very well. +I'll drop it! My holds are bursting with swag. That bit of shine matters to me ... Why? +My holds are bursting with swag. That bit of shine matters to me ... Why? Because it's what you're searching for. You've been searching for it for years. I recognize this ship. I saw it eight years ago, when we made the crossing from England. +Because it's what you're searching for. You've been searching for it for years. I recognize this ship. I saw it eight years ago, when we made the crossing from England. Did you, now? +You have a name, missy? Elizabeth -- Turner. I'm a maid in the governor's household. +You've got sand, for a maid. Thank you, sir. +Thank you, sir. And how does a maid come to own a trinket such as that? A family heirloom, perhaps? +And how does a maid come to own a trinket such as that? A family heirloom, perhaps? Of course. I didn't steal it, if that's what you mean. +Of course. I didn't steal it, if that's what you mean. No, no, nothing like that. Very well. You hand that over, we'll put your town to our rudder and ne'er return. +No, no, nothing like that. Very well. You hand that over, we'll put your town to our rudder and ne'er return. Can I trust you? +Can I trust you? It's you who invoked the parlay! Believe me, Miss, you'd best hand it over, now ... or these be the last friendly words you'll hear! +Maid or not, it fits you. Dare I ask the fate of it previous owner? +Dare I ask the fate of it previous owner? Now, none of that. Please dig in. +Oh, there would be no sense in killing you, Miss Turner. Then why aren't you eating? +Then why aren't you eating? Would that I could. +Do you not know what this is, then? It's a pirate medallion. +It's a pirate medallion. It's a piece of the treasure of Isla de Muerta. +The curse drove you to gather this? Aye. And not a bit of it any use to us, only hoarded. But it will drive us no longer. +Agreed. You have my word, as a gentleman of fortune -- Will -- you can't trust him. +I think it would be rather exciting to meet a pirate. Think again, Miss Swann. Vile and dissolute creatures, the lot of them. I intend to see to it that any man who sails under a pirate flag, or wears a pirate brand, gets what he deserves: a short drop and a sudden stop. +Man overboard! Boy overboard! +Boy overboard! Fetch a hook -- haul him out of there! +Did he speak? His name is Will Turner -- that's all I found out. +His name is Will Turner -- that's all I found out. Very good. +I apologize if I seem forward -- but I must speak my mind. This promotion confirms that I have accomplished the goals I set for myself in my career. But it also casts into sharp relief that which I have not achieved. The thing all men most require: a marriage to a fine woman. You have become a fine woman, Elizabeth. I can't breathe. +I can't breathe. I'm a bit nervous, myself -- +Commodore, I must protest. Pirate or not, this man saved my life. One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness. +On his heels! Gillette, bring a squad down from the fort! Elizabeth, are you -- Yes, I'm all right, I'm fine! Go capture him. +Elizabeth, I'm relieved you're safe. Clap him in irons. And behind his back this time. Commodore, you can't do that! +Commodore, you can't do that! You're speaking up for him again? +You're speaking up for him again? He can locate Isla de Muerta -- but I doubt he'll be willing to help us from the brig. +No. The pirates have taken Will -- Your father is frantic with worry. Our mission was to rescue you and return home. That is what we shall do. Mr. Turner's fate is regrettable. But so was his decision to engage in piracy. +Your father is frantic with worry. Our mission was to rescue you and return home. That is what we shall do. Mr. Turner's fate is regrettable. But so was his decision to engage in piracy. Commodore, please! +Commodore, I beg you -- please do this ... for me. As a wedding gift. I am to understand that you will accept my marriage proposal on the condition I rescue Mr. Turner? +I am to understand that you will accept my marriage proposal on the condition I rescue Mr. Turner? Not as a condition -- a request. +Elizabeth, I hereby withdraw my proposal. What? +What? I know where your heart truly lies. +You may seclude yourself in my cabin. I'm afraid we do not have any ladies' clothing aboard. Then I can wear men's clothing. +Then I can wear men's clothing. That would hardly be proper. +That would hardly be proper. Well, I am not going to stay hidden in some cabin, or I suppose it's going to be heaving bosoms and bare for the remainder of the voyage! +Actually, I find it all fascinating. And that's what concerns me. Elizabeth, we will be landing in Port Royal soon, and beginning our new lives. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we comport ourselves as befits our class and station? +And that's what concerns me. Elizabeth, we will be landing in Port Royal soon, and beginning our new lives. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we comport ourselves as befits our class and station? Yes, father. +Elizabeth? Is everything all right? Are you decent? Yes -- yes. +It's -- beautiful. May I inquire as to the occasion? Is an occasion necessary for a father to dote upon his daughter with gifts? +Although ... I did think you could wear it to the ceremony today. Ceremony? +Ceremony? Captain Norrington's promotion ceremony. +I knew it. Or, rather, Commodore Norrington ... a fine gentleman, don't you think? He fancies you, you know. +Difficult ... to say. I'm told that dress is the very latest fashion in London. +I'm told that dress is the very latest fashion in London. Women in London must have learned to not breathe. +Elizabeth, this is hardly appropriate -- About the day we met. Do you remember? +What? Parlay! I invoke the right of parlay! According to the Code of the Brethern, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew, you must take me to your Captain! +Parlay! I invoke the right of parlay! According to the Code of the Brethern, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew, you must take me to your Captain! I know the code. +I know the code. If an adversary demands parlay, you can do them no harm until the parlay is complete. +If an adversary demands parlay, you can do them no harm until the parlay is complete. It would appear, so do you. +You'll be dining with the Captain, and he requests you wear this. Tell the captain that I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request. +Tell the captain that I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request. He said you say that! He also said if that be the case, you'll be dining with the crew, and you'll be naked. +I could never forget it, Miss Swann. Will, how many times must I ask you to call me 'Elizabeth'? +Will, how many times must I ask you to call me 'Elizabeth'? At least once more, Miss Swann. As always. +I'm glad we got here in time. Truthfully -- you were a bit late. +Why would my father send this to me? To keep it away from them? No pirate would sail to London, for fear of Execution Dock. +To keep it away from them? No pirate would sail to London, for fear of Execution Dock. If I had known -- +If I had known -- -- then we never would have met. +I can't believe he would make such a sacrifice for us. I guess you can never truly know someone else's heart. +There. And don't you dare tell me that wasn't a proper kiss! Elizabeth, I think it doesn't matter that we are of a different class -- +Elizabeth, I think it doesn't matter that we are of a different class -- It doesn't! +It doesn't! -- but that was not a proper kiss. +Miss Swann. Miss Swann, if you'll be so kind? +You are despicable. I saved your life; now you've saved mine. We're square. +You?! Me! +Me! You're in league with Barbossa! +You're in league with Barbossa! No, I'm -- rescuing you. +Come on! No. This won't work. I'll stay behind, and fight them. You go on. +Has it changed since the last time you were here? The trees are taller. +Captain Sparrow! We have to get off this island -- immediately! Don't be thinking I'm not already working on it. +What? What's wrong? How will this help us get off the island? It won't. It won't, and so we won't. +But ... you did it before! Last time -- Last time, I was here a grand total of three days. Last time, the rumrunners who used this island as a cache came by, and I bartered passage off. But from the looks of this, they've been out of business, and so that won't be happening again. We probably have your friend Norrington to thank for that. +Last time, I was here a grand total of three days. Last time, the rumrunners who used this island as a cache came by, and I bartered passage off. But from the looks of this, they've been out of business, and so that won't be happening again. We probably have your friend Norrington to thank for that. So that's it? That's the secret grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow? You spent three days on the beach drinking rum? +So that's it? That's the secret grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow? You spent three days on the beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Caribbean, love. +You should look at our contretemps this way: we've got shade trees, thank the Lord. We've got some food on the trees, thank the Lord again. And we've got rum, praise the Lord. We can stay alive a month, maybe more. Keep a weather eye open for passing ships, and our chances are fair. A month? Will doesn't have a month! We've got to do something to help him! +A month? Will doesn't have a month! We've got to do something to help him! You're right. Here's luck to you, Will Turner. +Don't be thinking I'm happy about this, Elizabeth. But I see no use in wailing and gnashing my teeth over that which I can do nothing about. Not when you can drink instead, at least. +Drink up me hearties, yo ho ... What? What was that? Something funny, Miss Swann? Share, please. +What? What was that? Something funny, Miss Swann? Share, please. Nothing ... it's nothing. Just ... I'm reminded of a song I learned as a child. A song about pirates. +Nothing ... it's nothing. Just ... I'm reminded of a song I learned as a child. A song about pirates. I know a lot of songs about pirates, but none I'd teach a child. Let's hear it. +I know a lot of songs about pirates, but none I'd teach a child. Let's hear it. Oh, no ... it's silly. Back in England we didn't know a thing about pirates, really. They seemed so romantic and daring -- +That was before I met one, of course. Now I must hear this song. An authentic pirate song. Have at it. +Now I must hear this song. An authentic pirate song. Have at it. Well, perhaps ... with a bit more to drink, I might ... +Well, perhaps ... with a bit more to drink, I might ... More to drink! +When I get the Black Pearl back, I'm going to teach it to the whole crew, and we'll sing it all the time! You'll be positively the most fearsome pirates to sail the Spanish Main. +Jack, it must be so terrible for you, to be trapped here on this island, all over again. Ah, well ... the company is better than last time. And the scenery has definitely improved. +Ah, well ... the company is better than last time. And the scenery has definitely improved. Mr. Sparrow! I'm not sure I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk. +Mr. Sparrow! I'm not sure I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk. We've got a few bottles left ... and we've yet to tap the kegs. +To freedom. To the Black Pearl. +What are you doing? You've burned our food, the shade -- the rum! Yes, the rum is gone. +Why? One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into scoundrels. Two -- +That signal is over a thousand feet high, which means it can be seen for two hundred leagues in every direction. The entire Royal Navy is out to sea looking for me -- do you think there is even a chance they could miss it? You -- you burned up the island, for a one-time chance at being spotted? +You -- you burned up the island, for a one-time chance at being spotted? Exactly. +You didn't tell Commodore Norrington everything. Nor did you, I noticed. +Nor did you, I noticed. He might delay the rescue ... and that would be too late. +He might delay the rescue ... and that would be too late. Exactly. +Exactly. These men will be facing an enemy that seemingly cannot be killed. +These men will be facing an enemy that seemingly cannot be killed. I have a plan. If it succeeds, then any battle will be decidedly brief ... and one-sided. +I have a plan. If it succeeds, then any battle will be decidedly brief ... and one-sided. What's your plan? +Curse you for breathing, you slack- jawed idiot. Mother's love, Jack, you know better than to wake a man when he's sleeping. It's bad luck! Well, fortunately, I know how to counter it. The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink, and the man who was sleeping it drinks it while listening to a proposition. +Well, fortunately, I know how to counter it. The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink, and the man who was sleeping it drinks it while listening to a proposition. Aye, that'll about do it. +Make it last, then. Now, what's the nature of this venture of yours? First -- have you found me a crew? +First -- have you found me a crew? Oh, there's a hard tale, Jack. Most of the decent pirates in town won't sail with you -- seem to think you're a jinx. +Oh, there's a hard tale, Jack. Most of the decent pirates in town won't sail with you -- seem to think you're a jinx. Now where, I wonder, would they have gotten that idea? +Say again? I'm going after the Black Pearl. I know where it's going to be, and I'm going to take it. +I'm going after the Black Pearl. I know where it's going to be, and I'm going to take it. Jack, it's a fool's errand: You've heard the tales they tell about the Pearl. +Jack, it's a fool's errand: You've heard the tales they tell about the Pearl. Aye, and that's why I know where it's going to be, and that's why I know what Barbossa is up to. All I need is a crew. +Aye, and that's why I know where it's going to be, and that's why I know what Barbossa is up to. All I need is a crew. A fool's errand. +A fool's errand. Not if the fool has something Barbossa wants. Something he needs. +Not if the fool has something Barbossa wants. Something he needs. And you've got that, have you? +Kid's a bit of a stick, isn't he? That he is. +We'd best drop canvas, sir! She can hold a bit longer. +What's in your head to put you in such a fine mood? We're catching up! +How did you get off the island? Ah, that's a dark and unpleasant tale, best left untold. +Blast it, I'm already awake! I know. That was for the smell. +How do we expect to find an island no one can find -- with a compass that doesn't work? Now, lad, just because it don't point north don't mean it don't work. That compass gives bearings to the Isla de Muerta, wherever it may lay. +Now, lad, just because it don't point north don't mean it don't work. That compass gives bearings to the Isla de Muerta, wherever it may lay. Really? So ... what's the story on the pistol? +I'll tell lee. Now, Jack Sparrow has an honest streak in him, and that's where the whole problem starts. This was when he was Captain of the Black Pearl -- What? He never told me that. +What? He never told me that. Ah -- he's learned, then. Plays things more close to the vest. See, Jack was a cartographer, back in Old England. Somehow he came by the money to commission the Pearl. Hired himself a crew, promised each man an equal share. So, they're forty days out, and the First Mate says, everything's an equal share, that should mean the location of the island, too. So Jack gave up the bearings. That night, there was a mutiny. +Jack gave hisself up for the sake of his loyal crew. He was marooned on an island, left there to die. How did he get off the island? +It's a signal. If we resist, it won't just be death. There'll be torture as well. We're not going to just surrender! +We're not going to just surrender! That we are. +We can at least fight -- we might be able to kill a few-- Will -- it'll go worse for us -- for Elizabeth, especially -- if we fight. +Raise the sails. The wind is quarter from astern ... by the time we're underway, we'll never catch them. +The wind is quarter from astern ... by the time we're underway, we'll never catch them. We need only to come about, to put them in range of the long nines. +Hands! Come about! Jackets off the cannons! We are to fire on our own ship? Better to see it at the bottom of the sea than in the hands of a pirate. +All the men in place, sir. Ready to fire. Wait for my order -- what the blazes is that? +Sir! Shall I break out the cannons? I don't think that will be necessary. +Dead serious. You understand this ship cannot be crewed by only two men. You'll never make it out of the bay. +You understand this ship cannot be crewed by only two men. You'll never make it out of the bay. We'll see about that. +Sir, I'll not see any of my men killed or wounded in this foolish enterprise. Fine by me. We brought you a nice little boat, so you can all get back to shore, safe and sound. +Fine by me. We brought you a nice little boat, so you can all get back to shore, safe and sound. Agreed. You have the momentary advantage, sir. But I will see you smile from the yard arm, sir. +Agreed. You have the momentary advantage, sir. But I will see you smile from the yard arm, sir. As likely as not. Will, short up the anchor, we've got ourselves a ship! +This dock is off-limits to civilians. Sorry, I didn't know. +Some sort of to-do up at the fort, eh? You two weren't invited? No ... somone has to make sure this dock stays off-limits to civilians. +No ... somone has to make sure this dock stays off-limits to civilians. This must be some important boat. +That's a fine goal, I'm sure ... But it seems to me a ship like that -- -- makes this one here just a wee superflous. Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough -- but there's no ship that can match the Interceptor for speed. +Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough -- but there's no ship that can match the Interceptor for speed. That so? I've heard of one, supposed to be fast, neigh uncatchable ... the Black Pearl? +What's your name? Smith. +None? Very well. You rumbled me. I confess: I intend to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, and go on the account, do a little honest pirating. I said, no lies. +Well, well... Jack Sparrow, isn't it? Captain Jack Sparrow. If you please. +Taking stock: you've got a pistol with only one shot, a compass that doesn't point north ... and no ship. You are without a doubt the worst pirate I have ever heard of. Ah, but you have heard of me. +But it seems to be enough to condemn him. Indeed. +We had time to get to know each other. We are bound for Port Royal, not Isla de Muerta. +Norrington, think about it ... the Black Pearl, its captain and crew ... the last pirate threat in the Caribbean. How can you pass that up? By remembering that I serve others, not only myself. +I don't like the situation, Mister Sparrow. The island is riddled with caves. I will not put my men at a disadvantage. Funny, I was thinking along those lines. How about you let me go in alone, and while you're setting up an ambush, I'll trick the pirates out to you. +Funny, I was thinking along those lines. How about you let me go in alone, and while you're setting up an ambush, I'll trick the pirates out to you. You would do that? +You would do that? They left me stranded. Twice. What have you got to lose? +They left me stranded. Twice. What have you got to lose? Nothing I wouldn't be please to be rid of. +Nothing I wouldn't be please to be rid of. I knew you'd listen to reason! +That chart I drew up'll get you past the reefs. If you're steersman's good enough, that is. I'll be at the wheel myself. +I'll be at the wheel myself. I'll slip in, talk them into to come out, and you'll be free to blow holy high heaven the whole lot of them. +You look familiar ... Have I ever threatened you before? I've made a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates. +I've made a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates. Ah. Then it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record. So if you'll excuse me ... +Do you think this is wise, boy? Crossing blades with a pirate? You threatened Miss Swann. +You threatened Miss Swann. Only a little. +Who makes all these? I do. And I practice with them. At least three hours a day. +I do. And I practice with them. At least three hours a day. You need to find yourself a girl. Or maybe the reason you practice three hours a day is you've found one -- but can't get her? +You cheated. Pirate. +Move away. No. +No. Move! +Move! No. I can not just step aside and let you escape. +Are you familiar with that ship? The Black Pearl? Somewhat. +Somewhat. Where does it make berth? +Where does it make berth? Surely you've heard the stories? The Black Pearl sails from the dreaded Isla de Mureta ... an island that cannot be found -- except by those who already know where it is. +Surely you've heard the stories? The Black Pearl sails from the dreaded Isla de Mureta ... an island that cannot be found -- except by those who already know where it is. The ship's real enough. So its anchorage must be a real place. Where is it? +The ship's real enough. So its anchorage must be a real place. Where is it? Why ask me? +Why ask me? Because you're a pirate. +Because you're a pirate. And you want to turn pirate yourself? +And you want to turn pirate yourself? Never. They took Miss Swann. +Never. They took Miss Swann. So it is that you found a girl. Well, if you're intending to brave all and hasten to her rescue and so win fair lady's heart, you'll have to do it alone. I see no profit in it for me. +I can get you out of here. How? The key's run off. +How? The key's run off. I helped build these cells. Those are hook-and-ring hinges. The proper application of strength, the door'll lift free. Just calls for the right lever and fulcrum ... +Agreed. Agreed! +Not without my effects. We need to go! +Why are brothering with that? My business, Will. As for your business -- one question, or there's no use going. This girl -- what does she mean to you? How far are you willing to go to save her? +My business, Will. As for your business -- one question, or there's no use going. This girl -- what does she mean to you? How far are you willing to go to save her? I'd die for her. +I'd die for her. Good. +Come aboard. I haven't set foot off dry land since I was twelve, when the ship I was on exploded. It's been a sound policy. +I haven't set foot off dry land since I was twelve, when the ship I was on exploded. It's been a sound policy. No worries there. She's far more likely to rot out from under us. +We're going to steal a ship? That ship? Commandeer. We're going to commandeer a ship. Nautical term. +Commandeer. We're going to commandeer a ship. Nautical term. It's still against the law. +It's still against the law. So's breaking a man out of jail. Face it, Will: you may say you'll never be a pirate, but you're off to a rip-roaring start. My advice -- smile and enjoy it. +This is either crazy, or brilliant. Remarkable how often those two traits coincide. +Everybody stay calm. We're taking over the ship! Aye! Avast! +For a man whose made an industry of avoiding boats, you're a quick study. I worked passage from England as a cabin boy. After my mother passed, I came out here ... looking for my father. +I worked passage from England as a cabin boy. After my mother passed, I came out here ... looking for my father. Is that so? +Is that so? My father. William Turner? +I knew him. Probably one of the few he knew him as William Turner. Most everyone just called him Bill, or 'Bootstrap' Bill. 'Bootstrap?' +'Bootstrap?' Good man. Good pirate. And clever -- I never met anyone with as clever a mind and hands as him. When you were puzzling out that cell door, it was like seeing his twin. +Good man. Good pirate. And clever -- I never met anyone with as clever a mind and hands as him. When you were puzzling out that cell door, it was like seeing his twin. That's not true. +That's not true. I swear, you look just like him. +I swear, you look just like him. It's not true my father was a pirate. +It's not true my father was a pirate. Figured you wouldn't want to hear it. +Figured you wouldn't want to hear it. He was a merchant marine! He was a respectable man who obeyed the law, and followed the rules-- +He was a merchant marine! He was a respectable man who obeyed the law, and followed the rules-- You think your father is the only man who ever lived the Glasgow life, telling folk one thing, and then going off to do another? There's quite a few who come here, hoping to amass enough swag to ease the burdens of respectable life. And they're all 'merchant marines.' +You think your father is the only man who ever lived the Glasgow life, telling folk one thing, and then going off to do another? There's quite a few who come here, hoping to amass enough swag to ease the burdens of respectable life. And they're all 'merchant marines.' My father did not think of my mother -- his family -- as a burden. +My father did not think of my mother -- his family -- as a burden. Sure -- because he could always go pirating. +Sure -- because he could always go pirating. My father -- was not -- a pirate! +Put it away, Will. It's not worth getting beat again. You didn't beat me. You ignored the rule of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you. +You didn't beat me. You ignored the rule of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you. Then that's not much incentive for me to fight fair, is it? +Tortuga? Oh -- did I forget to mention that? +Just do it quickly. Don't worry. I've already got a Quartermaster -- there! +Shut up, before you lose them all! These are the only ones worth having. And we're going to need them -- +Wait -- what about the pistol? The pistol. When a pirate is marooned, Will, he's given a pistol with a single shot. No good for hunting, or surviving, really. But after three weeks of starvation and thrist -- the option of that pistol begins to look good. +But I survived. And I still have that single shot. It's meant for one man. My mutinous first mate-- Barbossa. +What's that? Depends. +Depends. On what? +On what? On whether the stories are all true. If they are, that's a waterfall that spills over at high tide, with a short drop to an underground lagoon. If not -- +Miss Swann! We're here to rescue you! It's going badly! This way! +No. I'll lead them away. +Go to the opposite end of the island, and signal the ship. I'll keep 'em busy. Are you sure? Jack -- this is not something you have to do. +Are you sure? Jack -- this is not something you have to do. I'm sure. When you've led the kind of life that I have, there are debts that must be paid. Maybe I can balance the scales a little. +Will -- don't do anything stupid! Don't say anything stupid -- My name is Will Turner, the son of Bootstrap Bill Turner. His blood runs in my veins. You need my blood. And on my word I will pull this trigger, and sink all the way down to Davy Jones' Locker! +Do you have any idea where you're going? Jack! +Jack! Don't talk. These caves magnify sound. Just follow me. +Are you certain this is the right way? It's the right way. +Jack! -- and its guns and crew will cut you and your men to pieces the moment you step outside these caves. +Well, you're the worst pirate I've ever heard of. You're a man who can be trusted, who can be counted on, and who can't betray his friends. What kind of pirate is that? The worst. On the other hand, maybe I'm a man who can't pass up a chance for revenge against the black-hearted bastard who stole my ship and left me to die in the middle of the ocean -- twice! -- and who knows how to get what he wants. Now that's a great pirate. +There's no *real* ship as can match the Interceptor. The Black Pearl is a real ship. +The Black Pearl is a real ship. No, it's not. +No, it's not. Yes it is. I've seen it. +Yes it is. I've seen it. You've seen it? +You've seen it? Yes. +Yes. You've seen the Black Pearl? +You've seen the Black Pearl? Yes. +Yes. You haven't seen it. +You haven't seen it. Yes, I have. +Yes, I have. You've seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out? +You've seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out? ... No. +... No. No. +No. But I've seen a ship with black sails. +But I've seen a ship with black sails. Oh, and no ship that's not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails and therefore couldn't possibly be any ship other than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're saying? +Oh, and no ship that's not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails and therefore couldn't possibly be any ship other than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're saying? ... no. +... no. Like I said, there's no real ship as can match -- Hey! +What's your business in Port Royal, 'Mr. Smith'? And no lies! +I think he's telling the truth. He's not telling the truth. +He's not telling the truth. He may be. +He may be. If he were telling truth he wouldn't have told us. +That Jack Sparrow ... he talked about the Black Pearl. Mentioned it, is more what he did. +Mentioned it, is more what he did. Still -- +Captain Norrington... I appreciate your fervor, but I am concerned about the effect this subject will have on my daughter. My apologies, Governor. +He's still breathing. Where did he come from? +What happened here? An explosion in the powder magazine. Merchant vessels run heavily armed. +Has my daughter given you an answer yet? No. She hasn't. +No. She hasn't. Well, she had a very taxing day... Ghastly weather tonight. +Well, she had a very taxing day... Ghastly weather tonight. Bleak. Very bleak. +Commodore -- A moment. +A moment. But -- +But -- Please. +Please. Dammit, man, it appears someone is stealing your ship! +How long do you leave him in there? Until he's done. +Mr. Sim, when you do locate him. Do not scare him off again. Just watch him. I think you can handle that. Right, Mr. Sim? You got it, Dr. Argon. +Look, I don't mean to rain on everyone's ascension here, but we got a little problem. Speak. +Speak. Dr. Bright has escaped. +Dr. Argon, everything's starting to come apart here. You hired me to take care of these matters of security and I am trying, but elements are making my job impossible. Have you found Dr. Bright? +Have you found Dr. Bright? No. The captain of the containment crew is closing down the main lab. He says the area has got to be evacuated. +Wheelchair accessible. Dr. Argon, I demand an explanation. +Not anymore, Mr. O'Brien. The nanobot has changed that. If you think I would ever give you the nanobot after this, you are deluding yourself. +If you think I would ever give you the nanobot after this, you are deluding yourself. You don't have to give it to us because Dr. Nebbleman can just cut it out of him. +Mr. Sim I want you to return to Dr. Bright's. I believe she is hiding something of ours there. No. +Dr. Bright, I don't have to do anything. But in another twenty-four hours the core meltdown will be beyond the stabilization period. There will be no way to stop it. +But in another twenty-four hours the core meltdown will be beyond the stabilization period. There will be no way to stop it. To be brutally honest with you, Susan, as long as the nanobot does to me what it did to that idiot O'Brien, I don't give a rat's ass about what happens after that. +You can't mean that. Come with me, Susan. I want to show you something. +Something to drink, Dr. Bright? No, thank you. +No, thank you. You'll forgive me but all the excitement has left me extremely parched. Poppy? +We will always love most that which we create. Don't you agree, Susan? Does that mean Oppenheimer loved the atomic bomb? +I brought you up here, Dr. Bright, because I want you to understand that we are on the path. The only difference is that you are walking with your head down, afraid to look up, to see where the path is going. I suppose you are going to tell me where it is going. +I suppose you are going to tell me where it is going. I ask you what is the purpose of science? What is the point of all our relentless exploration, investigation and experimentation? It is to understand a single physical phenomenon, or to understand them all? To cure one disease, or to cure every disease? If science is simply a means, what then is the end? +Pollution? Do you know what I see? I see man making his own clouds. I see man coloring his own sky, and like this garden it is a site that makes my heart sing. +This is our world, Susan, and once you realize that, you will understand that the only place our path can end is on the throne of heaven. Science is the quest for divine perfection. How do you know we're not heading in the wrong direction? +How do you know we're not heading in the wrong direction? I look behind us, I look to the past, to a world steeped in rot and decay. I think of the Acropolis in another century reduced to little more than dust. I see the faces of Rushmore eventually losing all distinction, and then I look at this... +I swear to you, Argon, if you don't stop the meltdown that nanobot will be the last one I ever build. Susan, I sense you are having difficulty understanding the situation you are presently in. I ask that you keep in mind that I am ready to reduce an entire city to gelatin to get what I want. +What are you going to do to him? Do? Well, I suppose that depends on you. +What did you use? A light mixture of oxygen, dioxide, and sodium pentothal. He'll sleep, that's all. +I can explain it. Attempted murder wasn't enough for him. He wants to add kidnapping to the charges. If you'd like, we can go straight to the authorities. I understand they are very interested in talking to you. +... plastic. Wow, that is one moving story. Take it easy on my heart strings. Now I really feel guilty complaining about you shooting me up with your poison. +Wow, that is one moving story. Take it easy on my heart strings. Now I really feel guilty complaining about you shooting me up with your poison. Poison? I'm surprised at you. You lack vision, Mr. O'Brien. +Poison? I'm surprised at you. You lack vision, Mr. O'Brien. You're lacking a few things too: ethics, morals, common decency and, oh yeah, deodorant. +The body is just another part of nature and ever since we gave up trees for central air, there has been nothing sacred about nature. Nature is the enemy, Mr. O'Brien, and science is our greatest weapon against her. You egomaniacs make me laugh. Nature's going to bury you like she buries everyone else. +I should kill you right now for what you did to me! Maybe you should, but you can't. +How apropos. Ain't it. +As you can see I am a new man, just like you. Oh no. You're not like me. In fact, I'm betting you're the same greedy, remorseless, egomaniacal bad guy you always were. +It remains to be seen who is the good guy and who is the bad guy. History is written by the victor. The only history I'm gonna write is your obituary! +I know what you're doing. You mean besides kicking your ass?! +You mean besides kicking your ass?! You think you can use me to stop the meltdown. +Please, O'Brien, don't do this to me! I'll give you anything you want! Yeah, I'm going to finish what you started -- +You can't do this! You owe me, O'Brien. I made you plastic! I made you! That's right. And making me was the biggest mistake you ever made! +Like rotting meat. You're not rotting meat. +Oh no? Smell this. Icarus, please, if you want me to give you a bath just say so. +Icarus, please, if you want me to give you a bath just say so. No. I'm getting used to it. +She's working as fast as she can, Icarus. It will be ready soon. It's ready now, I know it is. +It's ready now, I know it is. She says it's not. +She says it's not. She's lying. She lost the first one on purpose. +She's lying. She lost the first one on purpose. She did not. The mouse ran down the drain. +She did not. The mouse ran down the drain. She let it escape because she wants me to die. +She let it escape because she wants me to die. Don't be a child, Icarus. She is just another scientist and like all scientists, she doesn't care about anything outside the world of the laboratory. +Icky! What's happening? Who cares! We've got to find him! Hurry! +It works, Poppy. It works, it works! Now, Icky, I don't need you winding yourself up. I need you focused and in control. +Now, Icky, I don't need you winding yourself up. I need you focused and in control. But, Poppy, you don't know what this means -- +But, Poppy, you don't know what this means -- You don't either. We won't know anything until we find that guy and find out if he's alive or what. +You don't either. We won't know anything until we find that guy and find out if he's alive or what. Yes, that's true. We have to find him, run tests, determine if the polymerization is stable. +Yes, that's true. We have to find him, run tests, determine if the polymerization is stable. In the meantime, we're going to need someone to deal with that mess in the lab. I don't think we should call Dr. Bright. +In the meantime, we're going to need someone to deal with that mess in the lab. I don't think we should call Dr. Bright. Oh no. No. We'll get her assistant. What's-his-name? Nebbishman? +Oh no. No. We'll get her assistant. What's-his-name? Nebbishman? Nebbleman. +A containment crew is going to attract a lot of attention. You're right. Place a call to our friends at the network and to Mr. Joplin at the E.P.A. +Gently, Ott. Gently. Dr. Nebbleman, I want to know the moment the nanobot arrives. The instant, understand? +Do you think she will give us the designs? Eventually. These things are always a matter of leverage. +Eventually. These things are always a matter of leverage. And you think O'Brien is that leverage? +And you think O'Brien is that leverage? That remains to be seen. +And you still believe he's going to come here? Based on what we know of him, that would seem inevitable. +Based on what we know of him, that would seem inevitable. Do you think she loves him? +Do you think she loves him? She must feel something for him. After all, she and I did create him. +Poppy, are you in one of your moods again? No, Icky, this is real. +You know how I feel about you. You know how much I need you. How much I trust you. I would do anything for you. Why are there two ottomans? +Why are there two ottomans? Icarus, please! This is important! +Look at me, Icarus! Look at my body. I've done everything, changed anything you asked me to. 'We will always love most that which we create.' Is that still true? Yes. Yes, of course it is. +Yes. Yes, of course it is. Then you still love me? +Then you still love me? Poppy, please, just tell me what you want. +Icarus? I promise, my dear, I will give the matter some consideration. +I promise, my dear, I will give the matter some consideration. Consideration? +Consideration? If you honestly trust me, then you'll have to trust me. +Can you feel it, Poppy? The presence of the moment? Can you feel the weight of its significance? Oh yes, Icky. I can feel it. +Oh yes, Icky. I can feel it. This is what my entire life has been directed at, this moment, this threshold. +This is what my entire life has been directed at, this moment, this threshold. Okay, arms up, lean forward. +It will be an ascension. I'm so excited, Icarus. +I was wondering if you'd finished considering? Considering what? +Considering what? What I asked you earlier? +Poppy, please -- If you loved me like I loved you? +If you loved me like I loved you? Poppy, this is not the time! +Did you feel that? Did I? I've been waiting for that for years. +Did I? I've been waiting for that for years. Not that. +Okay. Alright. Okey-dokey. Now, we need the nanobot. The nanobot that initiated the reaction. Once we have that we can stabilize the meltdown. Simple really. No problem. The nanobot is gone. +The fact is, that the milk has been spilled and now we need you to tell us how to clean it up. Cleaned up? It can't be cleaned up! Without the nanobot the waste can't be stabilized! That's what we've been trying to tell you! The only thing we can do is run! Run! Run! +Facts, Dr. Nebbleman. Facts. You've been using cryogenics to control the waste from the mouse experiment, haven't you? Well, yes. The replicators are not as active at low temperatures. +Well, yes. The replicators are not as active at low temperatures. Then perhaps we can use liquid nitrogen to keep the meltdown under control. +Then perhaps we can use liquid nitrogen to keep the meltdown under control. That might work. +That might work. Poppy, order the trucks from the Gary plant. And we're going to need a containment crew. +Well, at this time, I mean that is to say, it is difficult to project -- Look, John, nobody wants to find out what happens. That's why you're here. We need your help on this one and that's why that suitcase is here. +She could have given him something to stimulate his kidneys. Dr. Nebbleman, take care of them. +Where did he go? The trunk. +They're here! They're here! We have the nanobot. Excellent. How long until the assembler tank is complete? +Dr. Makeo is working on it now, sir. I estimate at least another six hours. In the meantime, why don't you find something useful for Dr. Bright to do. +Of course you understand, Dr. Argon, that once the nanobot is inside of you, there is no going back -- Shut up and do it! +Excellent work, Dr. Nebbleman. You have outdone yourself. Thank you, sir. +It'll be better for us if he simply disappears. The gardener will know what to do. Wait, wait, can I at least have his body? +Wait, wait, can I at least have his body? Donated to science. Perfect. +Hey! You don't want this. +You don't want this. Yeah, I do! +Yeah, I do! You have no idea what this is doing to your body. +You have no idea what this is doing to your body. I like Trix! +Here, kid, this is great stuff. Why don't you give it a try? I want Trix! Mommy! +Yeah? So what? So what? So what? For starters, how about littering is a crime. +So what? So what? For starters, how about littering is a crime. Haw-haw! Why don't you run off and find a cop and I'll wait right here. +Haw-haw! Why don't you run off and find a cop and I'll wait right here. Why don't you just put this in your pocket so when you see a garbage can you can put it where it belongs. +Why don't you just put this in your pocket so when you see a garbage can you can put it where it belongs. Why don't you just shove it up your ass! Haw-haw! +What is it with you litterbugs? Is it a territorial thing, marking your turf with your garbage? You better quit pushing me, pal. +You better quit pushing me, pal. I just want to know what goes on in the mind of a litterbug. What chemical is secreted by your smooth brain that tells you, 'It's okay, just chuck it'? +I just want to know what goes on in the mind of a litterbug. What chemical is secreted by your smooth brain that tells you, 'It's okay, just chuck it'? Look, asshole, I don't got time for this. If you got a problem, you better take care of it yourself. +Look, asshole, I don't got time for this. If you got a problem, you better take care of it yourself. Oh no, no, no. No can do. You enjoyed a tasty beverage and thus this receptacle becomes your responsibility and I don't care if it's a Styrofoam cup or the Exxon Valdez! You've got to learn to take responsibility! +Oh no, no, no. No can do. You enjoyed a tasty beverage and thus this receptacle becomes your responsibility and I don't care if it's a Styrofoam cup or the Exxon Valdez! You've got to learn to take responsibility! What are you going to do? Make me throw it out? +What are you going to do? Make me throw it out? I'll do whatever I have to do. +What? Oh, I'm sorry, Nigel. I was just thinking... Aaabout...? +Aaabout...? This morning. I saw someone I haven't seen in a long time. +This morning. I saw someone I haven't seen in a long time. A man? +A man? Yeah. I knew him when I was still in school. +Yeah. I knew him when I was still in school. What did he want? +What did he want? I'm not sure. That's the funny thing about him. He's the kind of guy that you never know what he wants or what he might do to get it. +Do you remember about five years ago, that uh... incident at Purnell Labs? Oh yeah. They were working on molecular assemblers, too, weren't they? +Oh yeah. They were working on molecular assemblers, too, weren't they? They also tried using viral R.N.A. as the bonding element. +They also tried using viral R.N.A. as the bonding element. That's right. C.D.C. found out and closed them down... +Yeah, somebody broke in and stole the samples, one of those animal rights groups, right? I remember now, they freed all the monkeys which caused that huge pileup on the Massachusetts Turnpike, right? Yeah. But it wasn't a group. It was one man. +Yeah. But it wasn't a group. It was one man. That's the guy? +What did security say? They'll in validate the key. Probably nothing. +They'll in validate the key. Probably nothing. Well, you got another problem. +Well, you got another problem. The replicators? +The replicators? Worse. Mrs. Argon wants to talk to you. She's waiting in the lab. +Worse. Mrs. Argon wants to talk to you. She's waiting in the lab. This day just keeps going from bad to worse. +I bet he hasn't read a single report we've written on the waste problem. I hope you're right. I'd feel a lot worse if he had read them and just didn't care. +I hope you're right. I'd feel a lot worse if he had read them and just didn't care. What are you going to do? +What are you going to do? What I've always done. As long as I'm the only one who can build the nanobot, I'm the only one who can say when it should be tested. +You were never invited to my house. You're looking for a urine sample. +Of course, sir. Dr. Argon, I know you want to use the nanobot on yourself, but you mustn't. The situation is critical right now. The replicators are growing exponentially. If we wait much longer it will be too late. You have to use the nanobot to stop the meltdown. +I don't believe this is happening... Susan, Dr. Argon is giving you an opportunity here. +Susan, Dr. Argon is giving you an opportunity here. Opportunity? +There's a guard outside my door! I'm a prisoner, Nigel! Do you understand that? Dr. Argon would say we are all prisoners. +Dr. Argon would say we are all prisoners. Argon is a lunatic! I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe I could control him. You heard what he said, Nigel. He doesn't care if all of Calumet City is turned to Jell-O. How can that not affect you? +Argon is a lunatic! I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe I could control him. You heard what he said, Nigel. He doesn't care if all of Calumet City is turned to Jell-O. How can that not affect you? Because I am a new man, Susan. I am a man of vision. Your problem, Susan, is that you're always looking down. If you'd just look up you'd see the big picture and in the big picture men of vision do not dwell on what might be lost. They focus on what can be gained. +Because I am a new man, Susan. I am a man of vision. Your problem, Susan, is that you're always looking down. If you'd just look up you'd see the big picture and in the big picture men of vision do not dwell on what might be lost. They focus on what can be gained. Is that what Argon told you? +Is that what Argon told you? No! Well, not those exact words. +No! Well, not those exact words. Nigel, can't you see he's using you? +Nigel, can't you see he's using you? Of course he is, but at least there isn't a security guard outside my door. +Of course he is, but at least there isn't a security guard outside my door. You're afraid of him. +You're afraid of him. Who isn't? +I'm a scientist. I have lived my whole life by the diagnostic application of fact and the fact is, Argon is going to get whatever he wants, so if I were you, I'd give it to him. You mean the designs for the nanobot? You think after this I'm going to give them to him? +You mean the designs for the nanobot? You think after this I'm going to give them to him? I think that either you're going to give them to him or he's going to make you give them to him. +I think that either you're going to give them to him or he's going to make you give them to him. Make me? How? You think he's going to torture me? +Yes? It's Sim. We're almost there. +It's Sim. We're almost there. Mr. Sim, watch out! O'Brien escaped and could be on his way! +You want to tell me what I'm looking for? I've only been invited to her house once, but I know there is a basement lab that she uses for private research. +I've only been invited to her house once, but I know there is a basement lab that she uses for private research. Okay. +What's it smell like? Smell? Uh, something like methylcyanoacrylate. +Smell? Uh, something like methylcyanoacrylate. Like Crazy Glue? +Like Crazy Glue? Yes. That's it. He's got it. Oh God, he's got it! +Sir, please try to hold still. So, I guess it worked. +He's probably right, sir, the building is probably going to collapse under its own weight. And if we evacuate, what do you want to do with O'Brien? +Susan! Wellie well, Dr. Bright. You're just in time. +Daniel... What? No kiss? Not even for old times sake? +When did you...? Been out for six months now. +Been out for six months now. Really? What have you been doing? +Really? What have you been doing? You know, this and that. +Somebody has to. Same old Daniel. +Same old Daniel. Oh no. Not by a long shot. I may look like the old Daniel O'Brien, but on the inside, nothing is the same. +Oh no. Not by a long shot. I may look like the old Daniel O'Brien, but on the inside, nothing is the same. Is that so? +Is that so? Oh yeah. See, Susie, a man doesn't do the hard time and just pick up where he left off. Oh no. The big house does things to a man. +Oh yeah. See, Susie, a man doesn't do the hard time and just pick up where he left off. Oh no. The big house does things to a man. The big house? +The big house? The big house. +The big house. Jesus, Daniel. It wasn't Ryker's Island. It was work camp for white collar criminals. +Jesus, Daniel. It wasn't Ryker's Island. It was work camp for white collar criminals. A cage by any other name would still smell like sweaty ugly men. +I've been thinking about you a lot all these years, locked up in my cell. I'd tear through every issue of the Midwest Science Journal looking for your latest findings, watching as you slowly worked your polymerization experiments up through single celled organisms to that holiest of holies, the fruit fly. Exciting stuff. I got to tell you, it really kept me going. I guess I should be flattered. +I guess I should be flattered. I remember you said, nanotechnology was going to change the world. +I remember you said, nanotechnology was going to change the world. It already is. +It already is. I've read they're using it to repair cancer cells. +I've read they're using it to repair cancer cells. And for cleaning up oil spills. +And for cleaning up oil spills. Right. You predicted it. +Do you ever wonder what happened to us, Susie? It was a long time ago, Daniel. We were young, different people, heading in different directions. That's all. +Yeah. Well, it was good to see you, Daniel, but I have to be going. +Well, it was good to see you, Daniel, but I have to be going. Sure. Can I ask you one more thing? You haven't published anything in a while. How come? +Nothing really worthwhile. That's what I thought. +And what I love about molecular science is the way it revolutionizes how we have to think. It unifies the entire world on a single level. Everything is completely connected. Sometimes I can really feel it, everything around us, just a small part of a whole. It's really wonderful. Yeah, we'll see. +Yeah, we'll see. We'll see? What does that mean? +We'll see? What does that mean? We'll see how wonderful it is after you spend the next twenty years making Agent Orange. +We'll see how wonderful it is after you spend the next twenty years making Agent Orange. God, Daniel, I'm not going to make Agent Orange. +God, Daniel, I'm not going to make Agent Orange. You think the chemists that invented Agent Orange twenty years ago were in school saying, 'Boy, I really got some good ideas for a highly toxic incendiary defoliant.' You think Oppenheimer was dreaming about mushroom clouds before the war? +We've had this conversation already, Daniel. All I'm saying is that the companies that have money for the kind of research you're interested in, have money because that's what they're interested in! Money! +I'm sorry I brought the whole thing up! If you're gonna flip your wig -- I can't help it, Suze. It's this place. You know how I get in these stores. They freak me out. All these tiny boxes, little cans filled with eight syllable God knows what. +You think it's a coincidence that they have all these aisles lined up like this, like a little maze! We're all lab rats running through their maze, pulling lever A or lever B, each designed to create some kind of bio-chemical dependency. All the while they're everywhere, watching us, two-way mirrors, surveillance cameras, nodding to each other, making little notes. You're insane. +You're insane. Am I? Look! Right there! That's exactly what I am talking about. +Daniel, give him the Trix. Susan, this is the future of America here. +Susie! You gotta help me! Daniel, what are you doing here? +Daniel, what are you doing here? Please, Susan! I need help! Something is wrong with me! +Please, Susan! I need help! Something is wrong with me! Sorry, Daniel, I'm a physicist, not a psychiatrist. +Sorry, Daniel, I'm a physicist, not a psychiatrist. No, something is really wrong... look! +They did it to me! The nanobot. +... just like the mouse. Mouse? What mouse? +Mouse? What mouse? My first organic-polymerization was a lab mouse. +My first organic-polymerization was a lab mouse. What happened to it? +What happened to it? I don't know. +You don't know? It escaped from the lab before we could finish the experiment. +It escaped from the lab before we could finish the experiment. But you've polymerized single-celled bacteria and the fruit flies, I know you have. +But you've polymerized single-celled bacteria and the fruit flies, I know you have. Yes. +Yes. Then you must have at some point tried to reverse the procedure. +Oh no, no, no! You've got to be able to fix me! Please, Susan, tell me you can make me normal again! Once the subject was polymerized we were unable to reassemble the original organic structure. +Oh God, please! This can't be happening! I can't be plastic! A plastic man?! Daniel! +Daniel! I'm a plastic man! A plastic man! +We don't have time for hysterics. We don't? +We don't? What has happened to you is nothing compared to what is going to happen to Calumet City if we don't hurry. +What are these? Mostly caffeine diuretics. Help you go to the bathroom. +Mostly caffeine diuretics. Help you go to the bathroom. Why? +Why? The nanobot is still inside you. It's programmed to exit through the urinary tract. We need it as soon as possible, so swallow those. +Pills... you know how I feel about pills. If you don't want to do it this way, I can remove it surgically. +Why do we need it? The nanobot is the only thing that can stabilize the waste. +The nanobot is the only thing that can stabilize the waste. What waste? +To put is simply, the nanobot inside you is a microscopic machine encoded with information like a strand of messenger R.N.A. that is programmed to synthesize your molecules with the polyisoprenes of the assembler fluid, rebuilding your entire organic system on a molecular level. That was 'simple'? +The nanobot combined your molecules with the plastic molecules in the white assembler fluid, so that on a molecular level you now have more in common with a Good Year tire than a human being. Got it. +Got it. The problem is the by-product created by the process. +The problem is the by-product created by the process. The waste. +The replicators start off like assemblers, but the replicators never stabilize. What happens? +That was an egg? Three days ago it was. +Three days ago it was. What do these replicators do to people? +What do these replicators do to people? With enough exposure, the same thing they do to everything else. +So right now there's little replicators spreading throughout Argon's lab? That's right. +That's right. Isn't it already too late then? +I think while we're waiting, we had better run some basic diagnostics on you. You're the doctor. +Lungs sound fine. You didn't have any pre-existing physical conditions, did you? Allergies? Infections? No, why? +Is something wrong? No, no, I just feel wired! +Susan! What? What's wrong? +Look at this! What about it! +Just look at it! The polymerization probably synthesized into a kind of methyl- cyanoacrylate. So what's wrong? +Oh yeah, real funny. Yuk-yuk. Let's laugh at everything a man believes in. I'm sorry, Daniel, but you have to admit it's pretty ironic that you of all people would be the first man ever polymerized. It's got to mean something. +I'm sorry, Daniel, but you have to admit it's pretty ironic that you of all people would be the first man ever polymerized. It's got to mean something. Means? Oh no. We won't know what it means until the end of the story and maybe then it won't seem quite as funny to you, Doctor Frankenstein! +What's that supposed to mean? Just giving credit where credit is due. +Just giving credit where credit is due. You have no one to blame but yourself. +You have no one to blame but yourself. Blame the victim. +Blame the victim. Victim my ass! You stole my security key and used it to break into my lab to do who knows what kind of damage! Maybe this is the end of the story and you finally got what you deserved! +Victim my ass! You stole my security key and used it to break into my lab to do who knows what kind of damage! Maybe this is the end of the story and you finally got what you deserved! This is what I deserve for trying to protect the world from a madman and his mercenary physicists? +This is what I deserve for trying to protect the world from a madman and his mercenary physicists? You're not protecting the world, you're obstructing progress! +You're not protecting the world, you're obstructing progress! I don't consider uncontrollable toxic waste progress! +I don't consider uncontrollable toxic waste progress! And I'm sure you thought Columbus was going to sail off the edge of the world! +And I'm sure you thought Columbus was going to sail off the edge of the world! But lo and behold he found another world that progress could annihilate! +But lo and behold he found another world that progress could annihilate! Come on, I don't see you living in a cave! +Come on, I don't see you living in a cave! And I don't see you sunbathing at Chernobyl! +Just like old times. Yeah. Old times. +I want you to know that I really appreciate you helping me. I'm glad you came to me for help. +I feel very emotional right now. A bit out of control. Probably the caffeine. +Probably the caffeine. Do you have something to bring me down? +Do you have something to bring me down? No problem. +Uh oh. I remember that temper. Daniel, I didn't hear you come down... +What's wrong? The nanobot... it's not here... +The nanobot... it's not here... It's still inside me? +How far can you stretch? I don't know. +I'm going to go out for a while. I want to take the blood samples to a lab that has the equipment I need. What did you want my hair for? +What did you want my hair for? Something else I want to try. +I could go with you. I think it would be better for me to go alone. I'm sure Sim is looking for you. Just sit tight. I'll bring you back a pizza. +I think it would be better for me to go alone. I'm sure Sim is looking for you. Just sit tight. I'll bring you back a pizza. No cheese. +No cheese. I was hoping you were over that. Remember to keep drinking fluids. +That's pretty good. Getting used to it. +What's that? It's a crime fighting costume, what do you think? It's underwear, so if you lose your clothes you'll still be decent. +It's a crime fighting costume, what do you think? It's underwear, so if you lose your clothes you'll still be decent. That's going to fit me? +That's going to fit me? Like a glove. +You made this out of my hair? Sort of. We used a process similar to the vulcanization of rubber and added bulk with a chain of chloroprene elastomers. +Did you go? On the counter. +Who is he? The head shrinker at the prison. +Oh no. They're trying to blame you for the accident. That means they must not have been able to control the replicators. I can't go back to jail. I gotta get out of here. +I can't go back to jail. I gotta get out of here. You're not going back to jail. All we need to do is find the nanobot. Once the meltdown is under control, then we deal with Argon -- +I don't believe it. You're here! Oh thank God. You didn't think I could just leave you? +You didn't think I could just leave you? I didn't know what was going to happen. I was just so worried something was going to happen to you. +I didn't know what was going to happen. I was just so worried something was going to happen to you. What could happen? I'm the plastic man, remember? +Oh no! Argon! We have to stop him before he uses the nanobot! We have to get the nanobot! Where is it? +Where is it? Argon's private lab. +Argon's private lab. Let's go. +Run, Daniel! Get out of here! I'm not leaving without you, Susan! +You saved my life. Did you think I could just leave you...? +Susie... I... You don't have to say anything, Daniel. I'm a scientist. I know what's happening. I recognize the classic symptoms. Dizziness, shortness of breath, sweating palms... I can feel my adrenals secreting, my parasympathetic nervous system quivering, the estradiol coursing through my entire body... +What in the...? Oh shit, the meltdown. It's spread to the tower. +Oh shit, the meltdown. It's spread to the tower. We've got to get the nanobot. +We've got to get the nanobot. It's too late. Argon injected it. +It's too late. Argon injected it. You mean he's polymerized, like me? +That means the nanobot is still inside him. Yes. +Yes. What would happen if I threw him into the core? +What would happen if I threw him into the core? The same thing I suppose. +Daniel, just forget Argon. Let's get out of here. We'll find another way to stop the waste. We don't have time to argue, Susan. +You're not going after Argon! I have to! +I have to! Do the words 'hero fantasies' mean anything to you? How about 'infantile dementia'? +God, when we were in that store all I could think about was that one time, when we were in school, and you attacked that little kid who wanted some cereal. Do you remember that? I remember I was trying to help... +I remember I was trying to help... God, what a fight that was. +God, what a fight that was. We were different people then. +We were different people then. Do you suppose that was our problem? We met before our time? I think that happens a lot. People, events, planets all just circling each other waiting for that moment when everything clicks into place. +Things do change. I guess they do. +You! I remember you! I'm real touched. Now get your Sunday's on. We're going for a ride. +What? I'm not going anywhere! Oh yes you are! +Oh yes you are! I get it. You're the goon fetch boy. The zookeeper Argon calls in when one of his guinea pigs gets loose. +I get it. You're the goon fetch boy. The zookeeper Argon calls in when one of his guinea pigs gets loose. That's right. +Only this ain't no tranquilizer gun. Now let's go! Forget it, pissboy! You tell Argon he can call my lawyer. +This is wonderfully accommodating of you all. Now I won't have to come looking for you. You were looking for us? +You were looking for us? Yeah, I have something I've been meaning to give you. +Yeah, I have something I've been meaning to give you. Yeah, and what might that be? +Yeah, and what might that be? An ass-beating. Would you like yours first, Mr. Sim? +All the different ways that I could kill you. Oh yeah? +Maybe you're ready to find out if that hide of yours is bulletproof? The question is, are you? +That's impossible. It's a miracle. +Mrs. Argon? It's Sim. Mr. Sim? Do you have him? He's alive? +Mr. Sim? Do you have him? He's alive? Oh yeah, he's alive. Technically. +Oh yeah, he's alive. Technically. And you have him? +And you have him? We lost him. +Vermin... Can I help you, Mrs. Argon? +I spoke to Dr. Argon this morning and he remains frustrated over the loss of the original nanobot. I am aware of Dr. Argon's frustrations. +I am aware of Dr. Argon's frustrations. He believes that the second nanobot should be ready for testing by now. +Under the circumstances, I can't fathom what makes Dr. Argon think we are ready for anything bigger. If C.N.N., or hell, if the E.P.A. knew what was in my basement -- Is that a threat, Dr. Bright? +Is that a threat, Dr. Bright? Look, as I have said and will continue to say, the instability of the assembler waste remains my priority -- +Look, as I have said and will continue to say, the instability of the assembler waste remains my priority -- While you remain on the staff at Argon Laboratories, your priorities will always be the same as Dr. Argon's priorities. I imagine that is a simple enough equation for a bright girl like you to figure out. +If you don't have any questions, I'll let you get back to doing your job. Just one question. Since Dr. Argon no longer has feeling below his waist, how is it that you're still able to do your job? +I could have you fired right now. You won't. That's why you're whispering. +Icky! Get him, Daniel! Knock his block off! +Okay, Barbie, let's get this over with. Don't worry, four eyes. +It might be paranoia, but I've never lost my keycard before. 'Paranoia is what separates the secured from the unsecured.' +If this nutcase did take it and has half a brain, he'd use it right away, before we could invalidate it. Yes, that is what I was thinking. +Yes, that is what I was thinking. In fact, would it be safe to say, based on your general knowledge of this character, that he is already in the building? +In fact, would it be safe to say, based on your general knowledge of this character, that he is already in the building? Yes, he might be. +What in the hell? Pipe down, brain lady! And you... +Oh, Stew and I went for a long ride. Dexter, is there any finishing school we can send him to? Yes - Sing Sing. +Yes, it'll be a very interesting experiment. To make a gentleman out of a tramp? +To make a gentleman out of a tramp? Exactly. +Exactly. Now, Anne, you remember how much it cost to get rid of that baseball player? +Now, Anne, you remember how much it cost to get rid of that baseball player? You don't seem to understand that this one's different. He has brains. +Well, what else do you expect them to call you? Dexter. +Indeed? How interesting. Yes - isn't it. +Miss Wilson will give you the guest list and any other details you may need, Miss Gallagher. Thank you. I'll go and look for her at once. Goodbye, Mrs. Smith. +Thank you. I'll go and look for her at once. Goodbye, Mrs. Smith. Goodbye, Miss Gallagher. +Goodbye, Miss Gallagher. Goodbye, Stew— +I think I better go, Stew. I think you should, Miss Gallagher. +Don't mind Mother. I don't mind her if you don't. +I'm sure you're quite willing to be decent about this. Decent? Why Miss Schuyler, I want to be noble. +You're not going to print this silly thing, are you? No? Why not? +You know something, lady, if you sold life insurance, I'd go for a policy in sixty seconds. Oh, thank you, I knew you'd understand. +May I use your telephone? Certainly. Right over there. +Certainly. Right over there. You're all right. +That's a good idea - telephone the police. The number is Spring 3100. Get a couple of cops over and we can have a rubber of bridge. You may go, Smythe. +What do you want? Well, I tell you, yesterday when I was here, I had one of your books in my hand, and when I got outside, I realized I still had your book in my hand. So as long as I had your book in my hand, I thought I might as well take it home and read it. This morning, I got up and put your book in my hand, and here's your book in your hand. +That's considerate of you. Yeah, that was considerate of me. I recommend you read it. +Yeah, that was considerate of me. I recommend you read it. I'm not interested in your literary recommendations. +I'm not interested in your literary recommendations. Well, maybe it's a bit heavy for you. Perhaps if you'd like something lighter - something with a touch of romance— +Just listen to this— Adorable Babykins— Does her miss her Baby? Him sends his booful li'l sweetums a billion oceans full of kisses. Bobo is so lonely—! Just a moment. I don't see how that trash could possibly concern me. +Ah! But you don't know who Bobo is. And you don't know who Babykins is. I'm not interested. Smythe will open the door. +Where did you get those letters? I stole them when I was interviewing Babykins about Bobo. +I suppose you're going to print them? No - give you another guess. +Oh, I don't need another guess. It's quite obvious. So, it's obvious, huh? +Will you step into the library? Sure, I'll take a chance. +Will - uh - five thousand be enough? For what? +For what? For the letters, of course. +I don't know how to thank you. Mother'll be so grateful - she'll probably want to kiss you. Your mother will want to kiss me? Give me back my letters. That's the breaks I get. It's the mothers that are always grateful to me. Here. +Your mother will want to kiss me? Give me back my letters. That's the breaks I get. It's the mothers that are always grateful to me. Here. You're a peculiar person. Why the other day I pleaded with you not to send in that story and — +You're a peculiar person. Why the other day I pleaded with you not to send in that story and — I know but that was news. This is blackmail and I don't like blackmail. +won't even pretend it isn't a very great favor. I wish there was something I could do for you— Well, you could make this table a little - uh - a little less wide. There is something you can do for me, Miss Schuyler. +Really? Yeah, I haven't figured out the plot yet, but it's laid in a Siberian village. +Yeah, I haven't figured out the plot yet, but it's laid in a Siberian village. You're a bit eccentric, aren't you? +You're a bit eccentric, aren't you? Me? No - most ordinary guy in the world, me. Only one thing wrong with me— +Me? No - most ordinary guy in the world, me. Only one thing wrong with me— You don't wear garters! +I'm just beginning to believe that something could be done with you. Say, you could do anything with me you wanted to. Putty - just putty, that's me. Now getting back to those eyes of yours - would you mind if I kind of got closer so I could see them? +Say, you could do anything with me you wanted to. Putty - just putty, that's me. Now getting back to those eyes of yours - would you mind if I kind of got closer so I could see them? Not if you're going to lose any sleep about it. +Oh, Mother! It's all right. It's all right, Anne. I can take a hint. A bit subtle, but I get it. It's all right. +It's all right. It's all right, Anne. I can take a hint. A bit subtle, but I get it. It's all right. Please go. I'll explain to Mother. +Hello, Natalie. Mr. Stewart Smith . . . Miss Montgomery, Mrs. Eames, Mrs. Radcliff, Mr. Radcliff— How-di-do. +Why should I? We're happy, aren't we, darling? Throw me out - because I'm beginning to get goofy ideas, and they concern you, Anne. +Throw me out - because I'm beginning to get goofy ideas, and they concern you, Anne. None of your ideas can be goofy, Stew, if they concern me. +None of your ideas can be goofy, Stew, if they concern me. My name is Smith - well, that you seem to have been able to stand for the last month. I'm white, male and over twenty-one. I've never been in jail - that is, not often. And I prefer Scotch to Bourbon. I hate carrots, I hate peas, I like black coffee and I hate garters. I make seventy-five bucks a week and I've got eight hundred and forty-seven bucks in the bank - and - I don't know yet whether your eyes are blue or violet. +My name is Smith - well, that you seem to have been able to stand for the last month. I'm white, male and over twenty-one. I've never been in jail - that is, not often. And I prefer Scotch to Bourbon. I hate carrots, I hate peas, I like black coffee and I hate garters. I make seventy-five bucks a week and I've got eight hundred and forty-seven bucks in the bank - and - I don't know yet whether your eyes are blue or violet. That's because you're too far away, Stew. +Now Mother, your attitude is perfectly ridiculous. It's done now. Stewart and I are married. I'm afraid she's right, Mrs. Schuyler. I'm really very sorry, Mrs. Schuyler, that you feel this way. I was in hopes that you would like me. I'm not the burglar that you think I am. After all, we're married. I think the thing to do is to kiss and make up - Mother. +A little—? Sure, I'll be right up. He's all right. I like him. I'm glad. +What's the matter? Something I et, no doubt. Egg marks the spot— You ought to get some new ties, Stewart. +You ought to get some new ties, Stewart. I don't need any new ties. I've got another tie - I've got another one besides this one. And it's a pip, too. There's only one thing wrong with it. You know what that is? It has a little weakness for gravy, and once in a while it leans a little toward ketchup. Of course that's only in its weaker moments. When you move down to my place, I'll show it to you. +Your place? Yeah. Oh, it's great. Of course it doesn't compare with this coliseum of yours here, but 'twill serve m'lady, 'twill serve. The architecture has a little feeling of Missouri Gothic - and the furniture sort of leans toward Oklahoma Renaissance - with a tiny touch of Grand Rapids. +Yeah. Oh, it's great. Of course it doesn't compare with this coliseum of yours here, but 'twill serve m'lady, 'twill serve. The architecture has a little feeling of Missouri Gothic - and the furniture sort of leans toward Oklahoma Renaissance - with a tiny touch of Grand Rapids. Don't you think it's silly of us to think of living there when we have this whole big house— +Don't you think it's silly of us to think of living there when we have this whole big house— When 'we' . . .? You mean, you'd like to have me live here in your house? +We could have the whole left wing? Wouldn't that be nice! Would that be room enough for us? Oh darling, of course it would. If it isn't - there are six rooms and two baths - but if that isn't enough, Mother will give us the blue room too, I think. +Oh darling, of course it would. If it isn't - there are six rooms and two baths - but if that isn't enough, Mother will give us the blue room too, I think. Oh, Mother will give us the blue room. You haven't a red room, have you? Well, bless her heart. Wouldn't that be nice! My, oh my - six rooms and two baths and a blue room. I guess she would let us have the right wing if we needed it, wouldn't she? +Oh, Mother will give us the blue room. You haven't a red room, have you? Well, bless her heart. Wouldn't that be nice! My, oh my - six rooms and two baths and a blue room. I guess she would let us have the right wing if we needed it, wouldn't she? But we don't need it, I'm sure. +But we don't need it, I'm sure. I see, we won't need that. Plenty of room, plenty of room. +Look Anne, you're not serious about this, are you? Of course I am Stewart. +Of course I am Stewart. Now let's get this settled— +You have the cutest nose I've— Never mind my nose. What kind of a chump do you think I am? You think I'm going to live here in your house - on your dough? What do you think my friends would all say? Don't be silly. I'd get the razzing of my life for that. 'A bird in a gilded cage' - that's what I'd be. Not me. Oh no, not me! +Never mind my nose. What kind of a chump do you think I am? You think I'm going to live here in your house - on your dough? What do you think my friends would all say? Don't be silly. I'd get the razzing of my life for that. 'A bird in a gilded cage' - that's what I'd be. Not me. Oh no, not me! What do you think my friends would say if they found me in a little cheap flat? +What do you think my friends would say if they found me in a little cheap flat? It isn't cheap. It's nice. +It isn't cheap. It's nice. Listen Stew baby, let's not talk about things like that now— +Listen Stew baby, let's not talk about things like that now— Wait a minute. I'll do anything you ask me, Anne, but I will not live— +Wait a minute. I'll do anything you ask me, Anne, but I will not live— Oh, I love that nose. It's such a sweet nose. +I've got a present. Shut your eyes. Keep 'em closed. I know you're going to love them. Little - couldn't be an automobile, could it? Well, well! Ain't that nice! +Do you like them? Got my initials on them too. They're cute. They're nice little things - what do you do with them? +Got my initials on them too. They're cute. They're nice little things - what do you do with them? You wear them of course, silly. +You wear them of course, silly. Oh no. No, no. Not me. I haven't worn these things for Years. +Oh no. No, no. Not me. I haven't worn these things for Years. I know that. +I know that. Besides I'd look foolish. I couldn't look Gallagher in the face. +Besides I'd look foolish. I couldn't look Gallagher in the face. Darling, I don't care whether you can look Gallagher in the face or not, but you're gonna be a good boy and wear garters. +Darling, I don't care whether you can look Gallagher in the face or not, but you're gonna be a good boy and wear garters. Honey, I love you. I'll eat spinach for you. I'll go to the dentist twice a year for you. I'll wash behind my ears for you. But I will never wear garters! +Oh, yes you will my dear - oh, yes you will my dear - you'll wear garters and you'll like it too! Oh, no I won't my dear - oh, no I won't my dear - I'll wash behind my ears, but no I won't my dear! +Oh, yes you will my dear - oh, yes you will my dear - you'll eat spinach but you'll wear garters too! Oh, you can't carry a tune - you can't carry a tune - all you are good for is to sit and spoon, spoon. Oh no, I won't wear garters— +Oh, you can't carry a tune - you can't carry a tune - all you are good for is to sit and spoon, spoon. Oh no, I won't wear garters— Oh yes you will wear garters— +Anne, prepare yourself for the treat of your life. This is Gallagher. Gallagher! +Gallagher! Sure - my pal on the paper. She's subbing for the society editor tonight. +Oh, yes, of course. How do you do? Gallagher, this is Mrs. Smith. +You know, Stewart, you failed to mention that Miss Gallagher was a very beautiful young girl. Gallagher? +Yes. As a matter of fact, you failed to mention that Gallagher was a girl. Didn't I? That's funny. Isn't it funny? +Didn't I? That's funny. Isn't it funny? Yes - isn't it? +No? What do you look upon her as? Why, down at the office, we always look at Gallagher as - eh - just Gallagher, that's all. +That was kind of a rotten thing to do, Anne. After all, Gallagher is my friend. The least you can do is be courteous to her. I thought I was very charming, Stewart. +I thought I was very charming, Stewart. You did? That's a lot of hooey! I'll go and apologize. +Is this true, Stewart? Did you really say it? Yes, I said it. Sure, I said it. I didn't say it for publication, however. +Stewart! We're all waiting for you. Where's your valet? I poisoned him. +I poisoned him. Stop trying to be funny, and get ready, will you? +I'm not going! What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I'm talking about - I'm not going out. +I'm talking about - I'm not going out. What am I going downstairs and tell those people? +What am I going downstairs and tell those people? Go downstairs, and tell them - anything. Tell them I'm not going. Tell them I'm not home. +Go downstairs, and tell them - anything. Tell them I'm not going. Tell them I'm not home. Stewart, would you mind telling me why you're not going? +Stewart, would you mind telling me why you're not going? Yes, I'll tell you - for the same reason I've never wanted to go out with those social parasites, those sweet-smelling fashion plates. I don't like them. They bore me. They give me the jitters. +Anne, come here. Listen— Look out for my lipstick, Stewart. +Look out for my lipstick, Stewart. I'll tell you what. Let's you and me sneak out all by ourselves— +I'll tell you what. Let's you and me sneak out all by ourselves— Are you crazy? +Are you crazy? Think of the fun we can have - we'll sneak down the back stairs and get in the valet's Ford. How's that? +Think of the fun we can have - we'll sneak down the back stairs and get in the valet's Ford. How's that? Will you stop being silly, Stewart? +Will you stop being silly, Stewart? I'll tell you what let's do - I'll take you and introduce you to all my gang. Would you like that? +I'll tell you what let's do - I'll take you and introduce you to all my gang. Would you like that? But I don't want to meet your gang. +But I don't want to meet your gang. I don't mean the newspaper fellows that you don't like. Another gang I know - you'd love them. They're writers and musicians and artists - a great crowd of people - people who do great things. People who are worthwhile. +I don't mean the newspaper fellows that you don't like. Another gang I know - you'd love them. They're writers and musicians and artists - a great crowd of people - people who do great things. People who are worthwhile. Meaning, my friends aren't worthwhile, I suppose? +Meaning, my friends aren't worthwhile, I suppose? Oh, they're all right, Anne. But I— +Oh, they're all right, Anne. But I— That's exactly what you mean. Heaven knows you've made that clear to me often enough. Well, I'm sick and tired of it. I've given you party after party - I've taken you to some of the best houses in this town - and introduced you to people of importance - and are you grateful? No! You insult them and act like a bore. I'm sick and tired of having to make excuses for you and the things that you've done. Perhaps it's just as well you're not coming tonight. Maybe I can enjoy myself for once without having to worry about you, and what you're going to do. +Oh hello, Anne– He types furiously. Good morning. What does this mean? +Oh, that mob downstairs. I guess I got so interested in the play I forgot all about them. I see. +I see. Have we got a play, Anne? Oh, have we got a play! Of course most of it is Gallagher's. She did most of it. That brain of hers just snaps like that all the time. +What's the idea, Anne? The idea is simply this - that I want those people to leave here immediately. +The idea is simply this - that I want those people to leave here immediately. Now wait a minute. Aren't you being a little unreasonable? +Now wait a minute. Aren't you being a little unreasonable? Unreasonable! Have you any idea what the place looks like downstairs? Do you expect me to stand here and see this place turned into a cheap barroom? +Unreasonable! Have you any idea what the place looks like downstairs? Do you expect me to stand here and see this place turned into a cheap barroom? Now wait, don't get excited, Anne. There's no reason for that. Perhaps the boys have had a little too much to drink. That's all right. I'm sorry. I'll go right down and throw them out. That's no reason for you to take this attitude. After all, I certainly have a right to invite a few of my friends to my house, haven't I? +Now wait, don't get excited, Anne. There's no reason for that. Perhaps the boys have had a little too much to drink. That's all right. I'm sorry. I'll go right down and throw them out. That's no reason for you to take this attitude. After all, I certainly have a right to invite a few of my friends to my house, haven't I? Your house? +Your house? O-o-oh, I get you— All right. All right. I don't blame you. I kinda forgot myself for a moment, there. That's what I call getting me told, isn't it, Anne? +—and if it's all the same to you, I'm moving out. Stewart! +Stewart! This is something I should have done a long time ago, only I didn't have sense enough to do it. No, I had to stick around here to try and make a success of something that I knew darn well was a failure from the very beginning. But no more. No more! So that's that. +This is something I should have done a long time ago, only I didn't have sense enough to do it. No, I had to stick around here to try and make a success of something that I knew darn well was a failure from the very beginning. But no more. No more! So that's that. You can't walk out of here like this. +You've done nothing but watch me - watch me! - ever since I've been here. Treated me like a thug, watched me like a hawk, mistrusted me. Every time I leave the house, that Jane— —goes out and counts the silverware. That's ridiculous. +That's ridiculous. Fine! I don't blame her. I know I'm out of my own crowd. I should have had better sense in the beginning. But I'll stay in my own backyard from now on. +Fine! I don't blame her. I know I'm out of my own crowd. I should have had better sense in the beginning. But I'll stay in my own backyard from now on. You're acting like a child. +You're acting like a child. "All right, I'm a child. Have it any way you want. But I'm going back to my own apartment, where I should have lived in the first place. But no, I got to listen to you and move here. All right. If you want to live with me, Anne, okay. But the sign outside will say ""Mr. Stew Smith"" and you'll have to be ""Mrs. Stew Smith"" or there's nothing doing. No more Anne Schuyler's husband—He has his bag all packed by this time. He snaps it shut viciously, lifts it off the chair, picks up his hat, and notices Mrs. Schuyler staring open-mouthed at him. —and here's some more news for you. You can take your red room, your green room, your left wing and your right wing, and you know what you can do with them! Come on, Gallagher." +You should have known better than to write, Romeo. I found that out a long time ago. I should say you had. At the rate you two are going, we'll have to leave the country to save our faces. +I should say you had. At the rate you two are going, we'll have to leave the country to save our faces. Splendid, Mother. Let's hop over to Monte Carlo. It's a great place to save a face. +Splendid, Mother. Let's hop over to Monte Carlo. It's a great place to save a face. Oh, shut up! +That's an excellent idea. Oh, hello Mother! +What is this person doing here? Why— +It's a good thing your father passed away before he saw insanity ravage the family. I can't imagine what made you do such a thing. A reporter! Of all things, a reporter! A barbarian who lets his socks come down! Mother, I promise you that he won't be a reporter much longer. Once I get him away from that atmosphere and get him away from a man named Gallagher— +Mother, I promise you that he won't be a reporter much longer. Once I get him away from that atmosphere and get him away from a man named Gallagher— Sit down! +Good morning, Mother. Didn't I tell you that he'd be marvelous. Everybody thought he was so charming last night. I was so worried for fear he'd knock over a vase or something. I must have acted like an idiot. What does it say about the reception last night? +I was so worried for fear he'd knock over a vase or something. I must have acted like an idiot. What does it say about the reception last night? Oh, the usual thing. Blah, blah, blah attended the blah, blah reception and wore the same blah, blah things. +Oh, the usual thing. Blah, blah, blah attended the blah, blah reception and wore the same blah, blah things. Stop it. Anne. You're behaving like the person you're married to. +Stop it. Anne. You're behaving like the person you're married to. You don't have anything to complain about, Mother. He was all right last night, wasn't he? I told you not to worry about him. +You don't have anything to complain about, Mother. He was all right last night, wasn't he? I told you not to worry about him. It was a miracle. The man was ill or something. +Ah-ah-ah! Mother! +Mother! Look! Look! The front page! +Why doesn't Dexter show some decency? And you might show some too, Mother. What do you expect a man to do when he's called such names? I'm glad you hit that reporter, Stewart. He deserved it. All right, all right! It's your funeral, Anne Schuyler! +Hello, there, Meadows![13] Who is it you wish to see, sir? +Who is it you wish to see, sir? I want to see Stew Smith. Oh excuse me - I mean Mr. Smith. +I want to see Stew Smith. Oh excuse me - I mean Mr. Smith. Pardon me, Mr. Smith is engaged. We are having a reception here this evening— +Pardon me, Mr. Smith is engaged. We are having a reception here this evening— Oh, a party! Great, great! Jolly times and merry pranks. That's me. I'm a guy who loves parties. You know— +—a beautiful pair of shoulders! But listen now, as a favor, will you please make it snappy, Laughing Waters,[14] and tell Stew Smith I gotta see him because if you don't my whole family's going to die. I'll tell Mr. Smith at once, sir. Have a seat. +I'll tell Mr. Smith at once, sir. Have a seat. Well, I got a seat, but I have no place to put it. +What's the matter? Isn't there a 'bless you' in the crowd? You're the Tribune man? +You're the Tribune man? Yeah, hello. How are you? +Fine. Have a seat. Thanks, I will. +This way. Oh, man! +Fine newspaper the Tribune. Well, I should say! +Well, I should say! I knew your managing editor very well. +I knew your managing editor very well. Is that so? +Is that so? Yale '21, I believe. +Yale '21, I believe. Huh? +Huh? We were classmates. +I got him his job on the paper. I'm a stock-holder, you know. Is that so? +Is that so? As one Tribune man to another— +Yeah! But right now I'm acting in the capacity of Mrs. Schuyler's attorney. +But right now I'm acting in the capacity of Mrs. Schuyler's attorney. Oh, that's all right with me. I won't hold it against you. But you see, I'm here to find out about— +Oh, that's all right with me. I won't hold it against you. But you see, I'm here to find out about— I know, I know. But there's no truth in the story whatsoever. +I know, I know. But there's no truth in the story whatsoever. Oh yeah? +So, you see how silly that rumor is? Why, sure. It's a lotta hooey. +Why, sure. It's a lotta hooey. That's what I wanted to say, but I couldn't think of it. +Thank you very much. All right, all right, don't mention it. +All right, all right, don't mention it. Give my regards to your managing editor. +Give my regards to your managing editor. I certainly will. +Say, take it easy! Take it easy! Listen, my boy. No use you hanging around here. Just buy the Tribune tonight and read all about it. You can rewrite it for your last edition. Couldn't make the last edition. It'd take me four hours to translate your story into English. +Couldn't make the last edition. It'd take me four hours to translate your story into English. Oh, is that so? +Oh, is that so? I'm afraid. +Impossible. Put it on again. Hey, make up your mind, will you? +What do you want? Oh, nothing. I just blew over - I wanted to see how the old newshound looked made up for a gentleman. +Oh, nothing. I just blew over - I wanted to see how the old newshound looked made up for a gentleman. Would you like to have me turn around for you, Bingy? +Would you like to have me turn around for you, Bingy? Oh boy, I'd love it. +How's that? Not bad - not good - but not bad. You ought to be able to fool about almost anybody. +Not bad - not good - but not bad. You ought to be able to fool about almost anybody. Is that so? Well, have you seen enough - or would you like a photograph? +Is that so? Well, have you seen enough - or would you like a photograph? "A photograph? What's the matter? Hasn't mama had you done in oils yet? ""Just A Gigolo . . . """ +"A photograph? What's the matter? Hasn't mama had you done in oils yet? ""Just A Gigolo . . . """ Now get this mug. You've got the kind of chin I just love to touch. And if you don't get out of here, I'm going to hang one right on it. +I bring a message from Garcia. Yeah? +Yeah? Yeah. The boss sent me over to offer you a job. He wants you to write a daily column on the Tribune. +Yeah. The boss sent me over to offer you a job. He wants you to write a daily column on the Tribune. Yeah - go on. +Yeah - go on. It's all right. You can write your own ticket. A hundred and fifty bucks a week. +It's all right. You can write your own ticket. A hundred and fifty bucks a week. I'll bite. What's the catch? +I'll bite. What's the catch? There's no catch. This is on the up and up. Of course all you have to do is just sign the article - by Anne Schuyler's Husband. +Is there a green elephant standing beside that bwana? No, it's just little Bingy Baker. +Big Chief Bingy come to white man's tepee to make friends. Big Chief very sorry. To show how sorry - will bend over and let white man kick Big Chief where sun never shines. Excuse me, Gallagher. I wouldn't miss this one for the world. +Well, Stew, that's all thrashed out. By golly, I'm surely glad to see that you're not really sore. You know our racket - after all, news is news. Sure, sure. That's all right. That was a great story, Bingy. A great story - wish I'd printed it. +Sure, sure. That's all right. That was a great story, Bingy. A great story - wish I'd printed it. I gave you the breaks, didn't I? That hairy chest story! +I gave you the breaks, didn't I? That hairy chest story! You've raised it up to the chin, I see. Go on in the other room and get yourself a drink. +Look, I quit! Yeah? +Yeah? Yeah. +Yeah. Yeah? +Yeah? You're always picking on me. It took me three hours to get those little gadgets in those holes, and you screw it up in a minute. Hey, look! +Aagh! No wonder you're batty. Would it be imposing too much upon you if I asked you to do a little work today? Just to sort of break the monotony? With me you can always do business. +With me you can always do business. Do you know what to do in a drawing- room? +Do you know what to do in a drawing- room? It isn't a question of knowing what to do, it's knowing how to get in one that counts. +Now listen, we've got a tip that the Schuyler family has finally made a deal with that chorus dame. Gloria Golden? +Gloria Golden? Yeah, little Gloria. +Yeah, little Gloria. The human cash register. Got her hooks into the Schuyler kid, eh? +The human cash register. Got her hooks into the Schuyler kid, eh? Right - for the first time this year. +Right - for the first time this year. Well - it's only April. +Well - it's only April. Come on, get going, get going! +Come on, get going, get going! Get going where? I can write that yarn without stepping out of the office. +Get going where? I can write that yarn without stepping out of the office. Yeah - and get us into a million dollar libel suit. It wouldn't be the first time. Now, you get over there and get a statement out of the old lady, the sister, or the kid. Any of them - but get it. +Yeah - and get us into a million dollar libel suit. It wouldn't be the first time. Now, you get over there and get a statement out of the old lady, the sister, or the kid. Any of them - but get it. All right. Give me a voucher for expenses. +All right. Give me a voucher for expenses. What expenses? All you need is carfare to Long Island. You'd better get a shave and a shine, because you, you're going to have a tough time getting in there as it is. +What expenses? All you need is carfare to Long Island. You'd better get a shave and a shine, because you, you're going to have a tough time getting in there as it is. I know those bluenoses. Their ancestors refused to come over on the Mayflower because they didn't want to rub elbows with the tourists. So they swam over. +Now listen boss, if you're going to kick about that expense account— Do you call yourself a reporter? +It has been alleged - yes— You wouldn't know news if you fell into a mess of it, nose first. So you're the bright lad that's never been scooped! +You wouldn't know news if you fell into a mess of it, nose first. So you're the bright lad that's never been scooped! Not on my own beat, no. +Not on my own beat, no. No? Well, where were you when that happened? +I've heard of people being scooped on their own funerals, but this! Holy mackerel! Why, it's news when Anne Schuyler gets her fingernails manicured, but this! She gets married to one of our own reporters and the Tribune beat us to it! Well! What do you guys want? Go on, get back to your desks. Go back to your work. Now don't tell me you were drunk at the time and don't remember! Or is this one of Bingy's snow-storms? No, no - it's true, all right, only we didn't want to get it in print yet, that's all. +No, no - it's true, all right, only we didn't want to get it in print yet, that's all. Why not? +Why not? Well, you see, I've acquired one of those new mother-in-laws, and we were afraid she wouldn't understand the whole idea. So we were going to wait till she went to Europe. +Well, you see, I've acquired one of those new mother-in-laws, and we were afraid she wouldn't understand the whole idea. So we were going to wait till she went to Europe. What do I care about your mother- in-law! You're still working for this paper, aren't you! Or are you? +What do I care about your mother- in-law! You're still working for this paper, aren't you! Or are you? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Well, it's your business to get news! And here you had a story right in your own lap and you let the Tribune scoop us on it. Making a first class Grade A monkey out of me. If it ever happens again - just don't bother about coming back. That's all. +Gallagher and myself just came over here to do a little work on a story - Baloney! Joe! Bring me a special! +Well, when are you quitting? Quitting? I'm not thinking about quitting. +—Mr. Schuyler . Now get this, Conroy. My name is Smith. Always was Smith - and always gonna be Smith. +Now get this, Conroy. My name is Smith. Always was Smith - and always gonna be Smith. Is that so? +Is that so? That's so. +Just a boid in a gilded cage - A what? +A what? You heard me. A bird in a gilded cage. +You heard me. A bird in a gilded cage. Aw, you've been reading a lot of cheap tabloids. Anne and myself are going to move downtown in a nice little flat, we're gonna forget all about this social stuff, and we're gonna be known as Mr. and Mrs. Stew Smith. How do you like that? +Aw, you've been reading a lot of cheap tabloids. Anne and myself are going to move downtown in a nice little flat, we're gonna forget all about this social stuff, and we're gonna be known as Mr. and Mrs. Stew Smith. How do you like that? And live on your salary, I suppose? +And live on your salary, I suppose? Yeah, live on my salary - that is, until I finish writing my play. +Yeah, live on my salary - that is, until I finish writing my play. What play? +What play? My play. +My play. The one about the Siberian bloodhound? +The one about the Siberian bloodhound? Siberian bloodhound? No. That's been all rewritten. It's laid in Araby now. +Siberian bloodhound? No. That's been all rewritten. It's laid in Araby now. Araby? +Araby? Sure. +Sure. Araby, my eye—! +Well, I'm sorry to see a good reporter go blooey— Let me know when you're quitting. I'm not quitting! +I'm not quitting! No? +No? No! +No! 'For he's only a bird in a gilded cage, a beautiful sight to see—' Tweet, tweet - ha, ha— +How do you like your bath, sir? I like my bath all right. How do you like your bath? +Who are you? I'm your valet, sir. Dawson is the name, sir. +I'm your valet, sir. Dawson is the name, sir. You're my what? +You're my what? Your valet, sir. +Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll do that for you some time. That's very sweet. Say listen, what did you say your name was? Dawson, sir. +Dawson, sir. Dawson, huh? Was I very drunk last night? +Dawson, huh? Was I very drunk last night? Drunk, sir? +Yes. I must have been pretty much plastered if I hired a valet. Oh, but you didn't engage me, sir. +Did you take anything out of those pants? Oh no, sir! +Oh no, sir! What are you doing fooling around in here? +What are you doing fooling around in here? Miss Schuyler - I mean, Mrs. Smith - she engaged me this morning, sir. +Say, you are nice. You're all right. You'd make a good wife. Thank you, sir. +Thank you, sir. But not for me! Though I like you well enough. You're a nice fellow. You're all right. But I'm sorry I don't need any valleys today. +Are you trying to tell me that I need someone to help me put on my pants and button them up? Quite so. Quite. +Quite so. Quite. Now I'm sorry. I appreciate your efforts. But I don't need anybody to help me button my pants - I've been buttoning my pants for thirty years all right, and I can button 'em with one hand as a matter of fact. +Now I'm sorry. I appreciate your efforts. But I don't need anybody to help me button my pants - I've been buttoning my pants for thirty years all right, and I can button 'em with one hand as a matter of fact. Now Mr. Smith, now please— +All right, outside! I beg your pardon, sir? +I beg your pardon, sir? Outside! +I think I understand, sir. You mean you want me to go? There you are. You caught on. You see, you're nice and you're smart too. You caught on right away. Outside! Go on! Outside! And don't come back! +That's a canary, sir. That's a canary! Who brought that in here? Canary, huh? Go on, get that out of here. Get that out of here! +That's a canary! Who brought that in here? Canary, huh? Go on, get that out of here. Get that out of here! Yes, sir. Very good, sir. +Yes, sir. Very good, sir. A bird! A bird in a gilded cage! Get that thing out of here! +A bird! A bird in a gilded cage! Get that thing out of here! Yes sir! +Yes. I'm Miss Wilson - Mrs. Schuyler's social secretary. +I'm Miss Wilson - Mrs. Schuyler's social secretary. I was sent from the Post in place of our social editor. +I was sent from the Post in place of our social editor. Yes, of course. Miss Ramsey telephoned me. Well, what would you like to have? +Yes, of course. Miss Ramsey telephoned me. Well, what would you like to have? Why, a list of the guests. That's the usual thing, isn't it? +Why, a list of the guests. That's the usual thing, isn't it? Yes, of course. I'll get it for you— +That's a lovely dress. Thank you. Where is Mr. Smith? +Thank you. Where is Mr. Smith? Mr. Smith? Oh, you mean Ann Schuyler's husband? +Mr. Smith? Oh, you mean Ann Schuyler's husband? Yes. +Yes. He's probably very tired. You see, he's had to meet all these people personally tonight. +He's probably very tired. You see, he's had to meet all these people personally tonight. I bet. +I bet. You newspaper people have a lot of fun with him, don't you? What is it you call him - the Cinderella Man? +Stew, your hands are shaking. You've been drinking again. Come on, come on. Here they come, Gallagher! Here they come! +The boss is getting hoarse. There's the third one. If I don't get the last one, there's a certain sob sister I know that's going to get a kick right in the . . . oh! Whoops, almost had that. +You're sure going to be poison to that Junior Leaguer[4] from now on! I hope not . . . I've got to call on her this morning! +You what? Sure, I must drop in on the mad wench. Her wounds need soothing. +Sure, I must drop in on the mad wench. Her wounds need soothing. For heaven's sake, Stew, are you completely bats? What for? I thought the story was cold. You can't go back there. +For heaven's sake, Stew, are you completely bats? What for? I thought the story was cold. You can't go back there. Sure, the story is cold, but I'm not. I'm sizzling - look! Psst! +And with it came love! Oh Gallagher, you've got to meet her. She's it— —and that— +—and that— —and those and them. +Well, I've seen her pictures, and I don't think she's so hot. Oh, you don't appreciate it. Her pictures don't do her justice. Why, Gallagher, she's queenly - she is queenly - and I know queens! And oh, has she got herself a nose - and I know noses too. That little snozzle of hers is the berries, I tell you. And is she cute when she throws that little snozzle to the high heavens! +Oh, you don't appreciate it. Her pictures don't do her justice. Why, Gallagher, she's queenly - she is queenly - and I know queens! And oh, has she got herself a nose - and I know noses too. That little snozzle of hers is the berries, I tell you. And is she cute when she throws that little snozzle to the high heavens! Of course I haven't got a nose. +Sure, sure. You've got a nose, Gallagher. You've got a nose. But there's different women, Gallagher. You know, like brewery horses and thoroughbreds. On now, Stew, don't be too hard on her. I wouldn't call her a brewery horse. +On now, Stew, don't be too hard on her. I wouldn't call her a brewery horse. Gallagher! She's the real McCoy! +Gallagher! She's the real McCoy! And the rest of us are truck horses? +And the rest of us are truck horses? There you go, talking like a woman! +There you go, talking like a woman! Well! +Well! Well, you're my pal, aren't you? Then don't turn female on me. +Well, well, well! Gallagher, old pal! There you are. What did you run away for? I didn't run away. +Sure, you ran away. Aren't you going to congratulate a guy? Sure. I wish you all the luck in the world, pal. +Thanks, thanks. I hope you'll be very happy. +Oh sure, we'll be happy. What's the matter with your eyes? It's the smoke. +It's the smoke. Joe! A little snifter. Say, wasn't I a lucky guy to fall into a girl like that, huh? Look at that! I don't know how I rate that, Gallagher. Gosh, there's a swell girl. I want you to meet her. +Joe! A little snifter. Say, wasn't I a lucky guy to fall into a girl like that, huh? Look at that! I don't know how I rate that, Gallagher. Gosh, there's a swell girl. I want you to meet her. Who me? She wouldn't want to meet me. I'm just an old load of hay. +Ah! Thank you, Joe. Tell you what - we'll have one of those parties down at your house - one of those spaghetti parties, you know. Gee, we haven't had one of those in a long time, have we Gallagher? Not since you broke into society. +Not since you broke into society. Remember the time we had a spaghetti party, and while I was serving the spaghetti I dropped it on the floor, and while those mugs weren't looking, I picked it up and served it to them anyway! Remember that? Yes, Anne would love that. +Do you think your wife would walk up three flights of stairs just to eat out of paper plates? Who - Anne? Sure, Anne would love that. +Who - Anne? Sure, Anne would love that. Remember, she's a Schuyler. +Remember, she's a Schuyler. Now get this, Gallagher - Smith. That's the name. +Now get this, Gallagher - Smith. That's the name. My error. +My error. Well, if she doesn't want to come, I'll come down alone. +Well, if she doesn't want to come, I'll come down alone. Oh no, you won't, Mr. Smith. You're a married man now. Mother always warned me never to run around with married men. +Oh no, you won't, Mr. Smith. You're a married man now. Mother always warned me never to run around with married men. Say, what kind of a pal are you? You're not going to leave me flat? +Oh, I'll call you up some time. And if your social duties permit - why - Cut that out. Just because I'm married - there's no reason for that. +Don't pay attention to him, Stew. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Pay attention? I'm not paying any attention to him. You think that guy could get me upset? Hah! Not that mug. He's a tough mug - hard, cynical. He doesn't know the fine things in life - that guy. A bird in a gilded cage, huh? It's getting so a guy can't step out without being called a magnolia. Stew Smith, a magnolia! Not me. Say, I'm not going to hang around and be a speakeasy rat all my life! I'll tell you that. Not me, not me. I'm going to step out and mean something in this world. You watch me. Say, am I a lucky guy to be near Anne Schuyler? I've been hit with a carload of horseshoes, and believe me I know it. Lucky, I'll say I'm lucky! Don't you think I'm lucky, Gallagher? +Pay attention? I'm not paying any attention to him. You think that guy could get me upset? Hah! Not that mug. He's a tough mug - hard, cynical. He doesn't know the fine things in life - that guy. A bird in a gilded cage, huh? It's getting so a guy can't step out without being called a magnolia. Stew Smith, a magnolia! Not me. Say, I'm not going to hang around and be a speakeasy rat all my life! I'll tell you that. Not me, not me. I'm going to step out and mean something in this world. You watch me. Say, am I a lucky guy to be near Anne Schuyler? I've been hit with a carload of horseshoes, and believe me I know it. Lucky, I'll say I'm lucky! Don't you think I'm lucky, Gallagher? Sure - I think so, Stew. +Sure - I think so, Stew. I knew you would, pal. A bird in a gilded cage, eh? +I knew you would, pal. A bird in a gilded cage, eh? How is her family going to feel about it? +How is her family going to feel about it? Her family? Oh, they'll be all right. I'll bring them around. Gilded cage?! Besides, I'm not marrying her family. Stew Smith in a gilded cage! Stew Smith? Ha! That mug. What does he know? +Mr. Smith, I've read some of your plays and I'd like an autograph. Well, well! If it isn't my old friend! Turn around, gal! Let's get a look at you. +Well, well! If it isn't my old friend! Turn around, gal! Let's get a look at you. There you are—! +There you are—! Well, daughter of the slums - how did you get out of the ghetto? +Well, daughter of the slums - how did you get out of the ghetto? I'm pinch-hitting for our society editor tonight. I wanted to see some life in the raw. +I'm pinch-hitting for our society editor tonight. I wanted to see some life in the raw. Aw, you wanted to see some life in the raw, huh? Well gal, I'm afraid we ain't got no raw life up here. +Aw, you wanted to see some life in the raw, huh? Well gal, I'm afraid we ain't got no raw life up here. Well, I'll have to look someplace else. +Well, I'll have to look someplace else. No, no! Maybe we could interest you in some well done butterflies, or perhaps some slightly fried pansies, or better still, some stuffed shirts. And guaranteed every one of them will give you a good stiff pain in the neck. +No, no! Maybe we could interest you in some well done butterflies, or perhaps some slightly fried pansies, or better still, some stuffed shirts. And guaranteed every one of them will give you a good stiff pain in the neck. Say, who's been tying your ties lately? It looks rotten. +Gee Gallagher, do you look good! What are you doing to yourself? Nothing. +Nothing. What did you do to that hair? And where did you get that dress? +What did you do to that hair? And where did you get that dress? I dyed one and washed the other. +I dyed one and washed the other. Oh, you dyed one and washed the other. Well! You certainly look good. +Don't turn around now - but there's a very beautiful girl up there who seems to be staring at us. Staring at us? +Staring at us? My mistake - she's glaring. +My mistake - she's glaring. Must be my wife. +They all consider me just as one of the boys. Right! +I'm sorry, Gallagher - really, I am sorry. Oh, that's all right, Stew. Forget it. As far as she's concerned, I'm just part of the hired help. +Oh, that's all right, Stew. Forget it. As far as she's concerned, I'm just part of the hired help. No, no. Strange, I've never seen Anne act that way before. It's funny I never thought to tell her you were a girl, isn't it? +No, no. Strange, I've never seen Anne act that way before. It's funny I never thought to tell her you were a girl, isn't it? Yes. +Well, Gallagher! Glad to see you. Hello, Stew. +Hello, Stew. Hello, Hank. How are you? +I'm sorry, Stew. I asked Hank, and Hank did the rest. I see. Hank brought them all. That's all right. We'll give them a drink and throw 'em out. How's that? +I see. Hank brought them all. That's all right. We'll give them a drink and throw 'em out. How's that? Okay. +Okay. Smythe! Give them one drink and throw 'em out! +You know what I should do with you? I should sock you right in that funny little nose. Yes - and I'd love it. +How far have you gotten? Well, I've just been able to get off that Norway coast - so far. +Well, you're not getting your play done, but you're certainly covering a lot of territory. Haven't I covered some territory? It feels like I've been on a Cook's Tour[18] some place. +Stewart, have you ever been to Old Madrid? Been where? +Been where? To Old Madrid. +To Old Madrid. Never even been to New Madrid. +Never even been to New Madrid. Then how do you expect to write about it? +Then how do you expect to write about it? Oh - draw on my imagination, I suppose. +Oh - draw on my imagination, I suppose. Did Conrad draw on his imagination? +Did who? Conrad. +Conrad. What do you know about Conrad? +What do you know about Conrad? I don't know a thing about him, but isn't he the one you're always yelling about? +Isn't he the one that always writes about things - only the things he knows about? Right. +Right. Didn't he go to sea before he wrote about it? +Didn't he go to sea before he wrote about it? Right. +Right. Then why don't you write about something you know? Write about yourself and Anne. The poor boy who marries a rich girl - now there's a swell theme. +Then why don't you write about something you know? Write about yourself and Anne. The poor boy who marries a rich girl - now there's a swell theme. Gee, that's an idea, Gallagher. That's an idea there. I wonder now... +Gee, that's an idea, Gallagher. That's an idea there. I wonder now... Oh, sure. She'd make a beautiful heroine... +Oh, sure. She'd make a beautiful heroine... And there's her mother - and what a character that old dame would make with her double-strength - and that lawyer friend of theirs - he'd make a great villain - and there's you! +And there's her mother - and what a character that old dame would make with her double-strength - and that lawyer friend of theirs - he'd make a great villain - and there's you! What could I be? +What could I be? You could be something. I've got an idea, Gallagher. Let's get this set. That's a great idea for a play. Pal, get me a cigarette, will you? +You could be something. I've got an idea, Gallagher. Let's get this set. That's a great idea for a play. Pal, get me a cigarette, will you? Here you are. +Here you are. All right, thanks. Now, let's see. How will I start? Hey pal, how would you start? +Now Gallagher, if we could only get a great scene - a tremendously emotional scene - something that would just wring the hearts out of the public - to bring the curtain down in the second act - that would be okay. Couldn't dig one out of your hat some place, could you? Nope - afraid I'm all out of tricks tonight. +Nope - afraid I'm all out of tricks tonight. Now, we've got it right up to where the boy's wearing his white spats and going to teas and the frau enters - how's that? +Now, we've got it right up to where the boy's wearing his white spats and going to teas and the frau enters - how's that? Very good. +I wouldn't worry too much about it, Stew. She'll see it your way. Huh? Oh, I'm not worrying about her - I'm worrying about that second act curtain, that's all. +Hey, Gallagher! Yeah? +Yeah? How about my breakfast? How do you expect me to ring a curtain down on an empty stomach? +How about my breakfast? How do you expect me to ring a curtain down on an empty stomach? It'll be ready in a minute. +It'll be ready in a minute. Never mind that. If you can't get my breakfast ready - and can't get here on time in the morning - then you can go get yourself another job. +Never mind that. If you can't get my breakfast ready - and can't get here on time in the morning - then you can go get yourself another job. Sorry, boss— +Sorry, boss— Don't be sorry. Just get the breakfast, that's all. +Who was that? Grayson - Anne's lawyer. +Grayson - Anne's lawyer. What did he want? +What did he want? Gallagher, that guy just dropped by to give us a great opening for the third act. +It's a swell idea, Gallagher. How's this? The wife's family lawyer comes to see the kid, see - to talk over the divorce. Then this guy insults the poor but honest boy by offering him alimony - so the kid gets sore, socks the lawyer in the nose and throws him out. How's that for the beginning of the third act, huh? Well, from now on the play will be easy. All you have to do is bring the wife back, have her say she's sorry, and then your play's over. +What other girl—? The little O'Brien girl, of course - the one you suggested in the story. +The little O'Brien girl, of course - the one you suggested in the story. But that's ridiculous! You can't make a sudden change like that. +But that's ridiculous! You can't make a sudden change like that. Gallagher, what are you going to do - tell me how to write a play? +Gallagher, what are you going to do - tell me how to write a play? No. +No. There's nothing sudden about that— He's always loved the girl, but he was such a sap he didn't have sense enough to tell her. Well, that's all right - we can fix that. He will go to the little O'Brien girl, and - here, I'll show you. +Nice set of Conrads you have out there, Mrs. Schuyler. I was just glancing through this one. What's Michael tearing the paper about? Just a habit. Mr. Schuyler is a bit put out by all the rumors going around. +Just a habit. Mr. Schuyler is a bit put out by all the rumors going around. Rumors? Rumors? Since when is a breach-of-promise case a rumor? +Rumors? Rumors? Since when is a breach-of-promise case a rumor? No breach-of-promise case has been filed. The matter has been settled out of court. +No breach-of-promise case has been filed. The matter has been settled out of court. Oh I see, but Gloria doesn't seem to be satisfied with the twenty thousand dollars. +Well, well. That takes it out of the rumor class, doesn't it? We admit nothing. However, I have a little statement all prepared. +A statement? Good. I have it here. +I have it here. Good. +The man from the Tribune seemed perfectly satisfied. Who, Bingy? Yeah, Bingy would. He never saw fifty dollars before. You could have bought him for six bits. Funny thing about Bingy. The more he gets - the more he prints. He looks stupid, doesn't he? But oh how smart he gets when he bends over a typewriter. +I think you'd better go. Go?! Wait a minute - that's a great story! Newspaper reporter was forcibly ejected from Schuyler Mansion, and— +I've tried to stop the evening papers, but it's useless. You quit trying to stop anybody— +You quit trying to stop anybody— Well, at best you might deny it. +Well, at best you might deny it. Why deny it? The more you deny, the more they print. Let them alone! The thing to do is to sit still and keep our traps shut. +Why deny it? The more you deny, the more they print. Let them alone! The thing to do is to sit still and keep our traps shut. Traps shut! +Traps shut! Certainly! I'll take care of this guy Bingy myself, personally. Now what are you crying about? +Hello, Smith. Holy jumping swordfish! +Holy jumping swordfish! I suppose you know why I came—? +I suppose you know why I came—? No, I have no idea - unless some of the silver-ware is missing. +No, I have no idea - unless some of the silver-ware is missing. Now don't be absurd, Smith— May I come in? +Now don't be absurd, Smith— May I come in? Surely, come right in. +Surely, come right in. Thanks. May I sit down? +Thanks. May I sit down? Surely, sit down. If I had known you were coming, I would have thrown you up a waffle. +Surely, sit down. If I had known you were coming, I would have thrown you up a waffle. I don't eat waffles. +I don't eat waffles. You don't. +Anne asked me to come and see you about the divorce. She did—? +She did—? She wants me to arrange the financial settlement. +She wants me to arrange the financial settlement. Listen Grayson, I've got 106 bucks and 75 cents in the bank. Now Anne can have any part of that she wants, but she'd better hurry because I'm spending it awfully fast. +Listen Grayson, I've got 106 bucks and 75 cents in the bank. Now Anne can have any part of that she wants, but she'd better hurry because I'm spending it awfully fast. You don't seem to understand. Anne doesn't expect anything from you. +Wait a minute. Do I get from you that she wants to pay me alimony? That's putting it crudely, but— +Remember what I told you about that twentieth crack? All right, you've just made it. Before you go unconscious I want you to get this through your nut. I beg your pardon. +I beg your pardon. Unconscious. You know, when you don't know anything. Your natural state. There are some people - you can't buy their self-respect for a bucket of shekels - well, I happen to be one of those guys. +We just thought that— Don't think. Let me do all the thinking. Now you go back to that Schuyler outfit and tell them that I didn't marry that dame for her dough and I don't want any of her dough now. I was too poor to buy her a wedding present when we got married, so I'm giving her a divorce for a wedding present. Now, stand up! +Yes. And now for that twentieth crack— +Fine, but kinda thirsty. Come right in - I'll get you a drink. +Come right in - I'll get you a drink. Okay - you remember Joe— +Okay - you remember Joe— Sure. +Sure. I sort of invited him along to bend an elbow. You don't mind, do you? +I sort of invited him along to bend an elbow. You don't mind, do you? It's all right. Bring him in. +Come in, Joe. It's all right. Hello, Joe. +I'm sorry nobody could come. The rest of the gang had to get out the morning edition - but they'll be down later. +The rest of the gang had to get out the morning edition - but they'll be down later. Now Hank, are you sure they're coming? It will be lonesome without them. Smythe, take this crowd in there and give them a drink. And find out what the boys in the back room want! +What is it, Smythe? Pardon me, madam - but what am I to say to the newspapermen? +Oh, Smythe, some bicarbonate of soda, quick - double strength. I know those news mongrels[3] will upset me. I've anticipated it, madame. The bicarbonate is ready. +Some bicarbonate - quick! Double strength! +Double-strength! """Cinderella Man Grows Hair On Chest!""" +Pardon me, madam. They phoned through from the Mayor's committee to remind you it's past the hour for the reception. Are the cars ready? +Are the cars ready? They've been ready for the last half hour. +Smythe, you've been drinking. I have. Double-strength! +Dexter Grayson, you told me it was only ten thousand—and you didn't even get those letters from that Jezebel! Oh, so you did give her ten thousand dollars, eh? and there are letters... +As a matter of fact, I was just trying to decide the color of Anne's eyes. I can't tell whether they're blue, or whether they're violet. What would you say, Mrs. Schuyler? Why— +Indeed? Perhaps he will do me a great favor. With pleasure, Madame! +With pleasure, Madame! Get out of here. +Nobody seems to want to do anything— Why not ask me? Perhaps I can offer a suggestion. Do what about what? About what? Your marriage to Anne! +About what? Your marriage to Anne! Oh, my marriage to Anne. Now Mrs. Schuyler, we don't want you to go to any trouble about that. We just want the usual blessings, that's all. +Stop calling me Mother! All right, Grandma— +All right, Grandma— This man's impossible! I can't talk to him. Grayson, let's go where we can talk - hic! See what you've done to me!? +Good morning, everybody— Well, maybe it isn't a good morning, huh? Anne, did you ever get the feeling that there was someone else in the room with you? Have you seen this? +Have you seen this? Yes - the worm! +Yes - the worm! I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? He's a worm - and I'm gonna step on him! +He's a worm - and I'm gonna step on him! "To engage in a brawl! A cheap, common brawl, in my own home! ""I wear the pants!"" The pants ! Not even the trousers!" +And you struck him right here in our house—? Yes, I'm sorry, I struck him right here in your house. And I'll strike anybody in anybody's house that calls me a Cinderella Man. +That's the fourteenth crack you've made to me. I'm keeping count. When you get to twenty, I'm gonna sock you right on the nose. As a matter of fact, I ought to sock you right now. Anne Schuyler, are you going to sit there and watch this man insult us? Haven't you any decency left? +What's going on here? Who is this woman? Joan of Arc! What's it to you? +Joan of Arc! What's it to you? Heavens! The man's insane! +Heavens! The man's insane! Sure I'm insane, but I've got some good news for you. This magnolia is leaving your sweet smelling vanilla joint. This bird in a cage is gonna button his own pants from now on. And that is what is known as telling the mother- in-law. +There are no gentlemen on the Tribune. I understand, sir. +Now, now Jeeves.[5] Was that nice? Was that being a gentleman, Jeeves? Was it, Jeeves? Your name is Jeeves, isn't it? The name is Smythe. +The name is Smythe. Smythe! Well, well, well! With a Y , huh? Congratulations! What a small world. Brothers under livery. Shake! Now, as a Smith to a Smythe— +Smythe! Well, well, well! With a Y , huh? Congratulations! What a small world. Brothers under livery. Shake! Now, as a Smith to a Smythe— Mrs. Schuyler is not at home. +Mrs. Schuyler is not at home. I know, I know. I waited outside till she went out. She's a very nice lady, but we don't vibrate well together. +But I— Now the lady said you may go— +Well done, sir. Very neat. That's what I think of it, Bingy! +Smythe, the - er - gentleman is leaving. Yes, sir. +Did you call, sir? Smythe, come here. I want to talk to you. Come on, Smythe, talk to me. Smythe, I'm going nuts. I'm going nuts in this house! This big . . . come on, I'm not going to hurt you. Come on, what's the matter with you? +Shhh! Do you hear something? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. You try it. +You try it. Me, sir? +Me, sir? Yeah. +No, that's enough. I just wanted you to get the idea. Now you know. This house is haunted. No, sir! +No, sir! Yes. Have you looked in the closets all over . . .? +Yes. Have you looked in the closets all over . . .? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Found no skeletons? +Found no skeletons? No, sir. +No, sir. It's haunted just the same. +It's haunted just the same. Yes, sir. +Smythe, what do you do with yourself - I mean, when you're not carrying those double-strength - what do you do with yourself? Well, sir, I putter. +Well, sir, I putter. Smythe! I mean - when you're alone and want to amuse yourself, then what? +Smythe! I mean - when you're alone and want to amuse yourself, then what? I just putter. +I just putter. Hmmm, you just putter. Do you have to have a putter to putter? +Hmmm, you just putter. Do you have to have a putter to putter? Oh no, sir. I putter with me hands. +Oh no, sir. I putter with me hands. Well, isn't that nice? You just go right ahead and putter with your hands. That's all right. How do you do it? +Well, isn't that nice? You just go right ahead and putter with your hands. That's all right. How do you do it? Well sir, I'll show you. +That's puttering, sir. No! Well, well, well! That's all right, if you like it. Can anybody do that? +No! Well, well, well! That's all right, if you like it. Can anybody do that? Oh no, sir. Some people are natural putterers. Others can never master it. +Oh no, sir. Some people are natural putterers. Others can never master it. Oh my. You mean, some people are born and never will become putterers? +Oh my. You mean, some people are born and never will become putterers? Yes sir. +Yes sir. Oh my, wouldn't that be tragic? To know that you could never be a putterer. +Oh my, wouldn't that be tragic? To know that you could never be a putterer. Yes sir. +Yes sir. How about me? Do you think if I concentrated and put my whole soul into it, that some day I might be a putterer? +How about me? Do you think if I concentrated and put my whole soul into it, that some day I might be a putterer? You sir? Uh-uh. You could never be a putterer. Not a good putterer, sir. +You sir? Uh-uh. You could never be a putterer. Not a good putterer, sir. Well, if I couldn't be a good putterer, I wouldn't want to putter. But why? What makes you think I couldn't be a good putterer? +Well, if I couldn't be a good putterer, I wouldn't want to putter. But why? What makes you think I couldn't be a good putterer? Well sir, to be a putterer, one's mind must be at ease. A person with a problem could never be a putterer. For instance, sir, a fish can putter in water but not on land because he'd be out of place. An eagle can putter around a rugged mountaintop but not in a cage, because he'd be restless and unhappy. Now sir, if you will pardon me, with all due respect, sir, as a Smythe to a Smith, you are an eagle in a cage. +Well sir, to be a putterer, one's mind must be at ease. A person with a problem could never be a putterer. For instance, sir, a fish can putter in water but not on land because he'd be out of place. An eagle can putter around a rugged mountaintop but not in a cage, because he'd be restless and unhappy. Now sir, if you will pardon me, with all due respect, sir, as a Smythe to a Smith, you are an eagle in a cage. A bird in a gilded cage? +A bird in a gilded cage? Yes. +Yes. That's all I wanted to know! +Smythe, I'll get this. I'm expecting some friends. Very good, sir. +It isn't done, gentlemen! It isn't done, I say! It isn't done! Well, Gallagher, you certainly took no chances, did you? +I just love you in that sweater Mary-Sue. It's so flattering. Thanks. +I put blueberries in them just the way you like. Actually--I'm not real ... hungry. +Actually--I'm not real ... hungry. Oh nonsense young lady. You're going to start your day with a nice big breakfast. +Mary Sue? Yeah? +Can I ask you a question? Sure. +What goes on up at Lover's Lane? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Well, you hear all these things lately. You know--kids spending so much time up there ... Is it holding hands? That kind of thing? +Well, you hear all these things lately. You know--kids spending so much time up there ... Is it holding hands? That kind of thing? Yeah ... That--and ... +What? It doesn't matter. +It doesn't matter. No. I want to know. +No. I want to know. ... Sex. +... Sex. Ah. +You sure you want to know this? Yes. +Yes. Okay. +Yes ... It's just that ... What? +What? Well ... ... Your father would never do anything like that. +Bud. Mary Sue ... Breakfast is on the table. We're in Pleasantville? +Bu-ud ... Mary Sue ... Your breakfast is getting cold. It can't be possible. +Why no. She's still on her date with Biff ... is something the matter? No, I ... I was just ... worried about her. +Oh no ... I'm fine. How 'bout some Marshmallow Rice Squares? +How 'bout some Marshmallow Rice Squares? I'm fine. +It's okay. It's alright. I can't go out there. How can I go out there? +Have you got any make up? In my handbag. +Does it look okay? Looks just like it did. +Looks just like it did. And they won't be able to tell? +And they won't be able to tell? No ... They won't be able to tell. +Wait. What? +Thank you. Sure. +I made you these for the trip. They're marshmallow rice squares. Thanks. I thought you weren't gonna ... +Thanks. I thought you weren't gonna ... I had to say goodbye. +There's a meatloaf sandwich in there too. Don't go skipping dinner just 'cause you're not here anymore. I won't. +I won't. And ... wear this on the trip in case it gets cold. +And ... wear this on the trip in case it gets cold. ... It's a pretty short trip. +I'm so proud of you, Bud. Thanks ... I love you. +Thanks ... I love you. I love you too. +Oh, hello Betty. Hello Bill. +Oh, hi ... I'm sorry ... +I'm sorry ... No, no ... Come on in. +I just thought ... It's beautiful. Thanks. +Having kind of a tough time. I think it looks nice. +I think it looks nice. Well ... Here's what it's s'posed to look like. +Where'd you get this? Bud brought it to me. +Bud brought it to me. Bud? +Bud? Here's my favorite. +Isn't it great how she's resting like that? She's crying. +What? She's crying. +She's crying. No she's not. +No she's not. Yes she is. +Wait ... I've got to go ... +I've got to go ... It's alright. +It's alright. Let me see. No ... +What is that? I don't know. +You can't go out there. But I really should get home. +But I really should get home. But you can't go out there. +Sounds nice ... Once you get used to it. Yeah. It does. +Like a drum. Yeah. Or like sprinklers in the summer ... +How was your day? Oh, swell. You know, Mr. Connel said that if things keep going the way they are, I might be seeing that promotion sooner than I thought. +Oh, swell. You know, Mr. Connel said that if things keep going the way they are, I might be seeing that promotion sooner than I thought. Oh darling that's wonderful! I always knew you could do it. +Bud, your sister's a little older now and she's naturally going to start going out with boys. ... In fact pretty soon--she's even going to get married and make someone a good little home-maker like your mother here. That's IF she can learn to bake. Oh, George ... +Oh, George ... But your sister is a fine young woman and she would never do anything for us to be concerned about. +I told you where I was. All night? +All night? I got caught in the storm. You were gone all night too. +I got caught in the storm. You were gone all night too. I was in a bowling-alley. +Look. Let's just forget about it. Let's just go to the meeting and ... I told you, George. I'm not going. +I told you, George. I'm not going. Sure you are. +Sure you are. No I'm not. +Look at me George. That meeting's not for me. Look at my face. It's fine. You'll put on some make up and ... +It's fine. You'll put on some make up and ... I don't want to put on some make up ... +It goes away ... It'll go away. I don't want it to go away. +Okay--now you listen to me ... You're gonna come to this meeting and you're gonna put on this make up, and you're gonna come home at six o'clock every night and have dinner ready on this table. No I'm not sweetie. +I made a couple of lunches for you and put them in brown paper bags ... I'm gonna go now. Where are you gonna go? +Where are you gonna go? I'm gonna go now. +What's all the commotion? Where's the cat? Um ... It's ... +I sure am glad you said you'd come out with me tonight Mary Sue. "Well ""gee whizz"" Biff. I sure am glad you asked me." +I don't know if I ever said this to you before, but, well ... I think you're just about the keenest girl in the whole school ... Really Biff? The keenest? +Really Biff? The keenest? Oh yeah. +Oh yeah. Gosh. I hardly know what to say. +"... And you always seemed so smart and everything. Like that report you did on ""Our Town Hall."" Gosh. I didn't know what I'd talk to you about." Well, sometimes talking's over-rated. Don't you think? +Well, sometimes talking's over-rated. Don't you think? Hunh? Oh, right ... +So I know I haven't been steady with anybody, but I just don't want to rush it. You don't want to make a mistake with something that important. Oh, gosh no. +Oh, gosh no. I mean, there's kids that are even holding hands already but I figure there's plenty of time for that kind of thing later on. Don't you? +I mean, there's kids that are even holding hands already but I figure there's plenty of time for that kind of thing later on. Don't you? Oh you bet. Will you excuse me for a sec? +Anyhow ... I really wanted to come over and sit next to you in civics but ... You want to get out of here? +You want to get out of here? What? +What? You wanna get out of here? You wanna leave? +You wanna get out of here? You wanna leave? But where would we go? +But where would we go? ... Lover's Lane. +... Lover's Lane. Lover's Lane! +Sure is pretty. Oh yeah ... Gorgeous. +Oh yeah ... Gorgeous. To be honest Mary Sue. I didn't think you'd want to come here until we'd been pinned for a little while. +To be honest Mary Sue. I didn't think you'd want to come here until we'd been pinned for a little while. "Oh, Biff. You can ""pin"" me any time you want to." +... Why? I think ... I might be ill ... +It's s'posed to happen, Biff. It is? +It is? Trust me ... +Mary Sue--C'mon ... What are you doing? +What are you doing? It's six-thirty ... +It's six-thirty ... So. +So. We were gonna ... You know ... +Oh. I can't. Why not? +I'm busy. With what? +Don't! Just let go. It's better, Mary Sue. +It's better, Mary Sue. I said, NO! ... I've read like one book in my whole life and I'll be damned if I let you throw it on that fire ... +Oh God! Are we in that episode? What? +What? I don't believe it. +I don't believe it. What's the matter? +What's the matter? You want to ask her out tonight, right? And then you want to give her your school pin ... +You want to ask her out tonight, right? And then you want to give her your school pin ... Yeah ... How'd you know? +Yeah ... How'd you know? Lucky guess. Look, Biff ... I don't think it's a real good time for that right now ... +"What I mean is ... Mary Sue's been a little ""different"" lately ..." She won't go out with me? +She won't go out with me? I didn't say that. It's just that right now ... +I didn't say that. It's just that right now ... I don't know what I'd do if she wouldn't go out with me ... +What'll it be? Gee whizz, Bud. Guess I'll just have the usual. Cheeseburger and a cherry coke. +"Maybe you can't even describe it. Maybe you only know it when it's gone. Maybe it's like there's a whole piece of you that's missing too. You might even call it ""love.""" Okay, that's IT!!! +Okay, that's IT!!! Now don't you think she looks just as pretty in color? Don't you think she looks just as pretty as she did the day you met her? +C'mon. Everyone's turning colors. Kids are making out in the street. No one's getting their dinner-- hell, you could have a flood any minute ... Pretty soon you could have the women going off to work while the men stayed home and cooked ... That's not going to happen! +That's not going to happen! But it could happen. +But it could happen. No it couldn't! +Want some bridge mix? Oh, no thanks ... +Oh, no thanks ... Betty's making some pineapple kabobs ... +Betty's making some pineapple kabobs ... I'm fine--but thank you. +"I'm sure you've noticed the same things we all have--certain ""changes"" going on in the town. You know what I mean by ""changes""?" """Changes.""" +"""Changes.""" """Changes."" And it's not just the fire or big stuff like that. It's little things. Did you hear about Bill Miller?" +"""Changes."" And it's not just the fire or big stuff like that. It's little things. Did you hear about Bill Miller?" No. What? +No. What? Wife wants him to get one of those new beds. +Wife wants him to get one of those new beds. One of those ... big beds? +Oh my gosh. What's he gonna to do? I really don't know. Ben Miller's son just quit his job as a boxboy at the market. +I really don't know. Ben Miller's son just quit his job as a boxboy at the market. ... How? +No. They do. And it isn't just 'cause you're a great bowler ... They respect you ... Thank you very much. +Thank you very much. And it's important for them to see someone they respect, stand up for what's right. If you love a place, you can't sit around and watch this kind of thing happen to it. +And it's important for them to see someone they respect, stand up for what's right. If you love a place, you can't sit around and watch this kind of thing happen to it. No. Of course not. +No. Of course not. And that's why I want you to be on the Pleasantville Chamber of Commerce. +And that's why I want you to be on the Pleasantville Chamber of Commerce. Oh my Gosh. I hardly know what to say. +Oh my Gosh. I hardly know what to say. "Why don't you start by saying ""yes,"" and then getting me one of those swell pineapple kabobs." +"Why don't you start by saying ""yes,"" and then getting me one of those swell pineapple kabobs." Oh sure ... You bet. Betty ... +Are you alright? What is it? Rain. +Rain. Real rain? +What happened? "Well, I ... I came home like I always do, And I came in the front door. And I took off my coat. And I put down my briefcase and I said ""Honey. I'm home.""" +Did you do this? Yes I did. +Do you know that it's illegal? Yes I do. +BUD--WHY DID YOU DO THIS? Because anybody should be able to paint in whatever color they want. +You're not allowed to do this! I could arrest you for this. Still doesn't make it right. +Bud Parker and William Johnson, you have been charged with desecration of a public building and the intentional use of prohibited paint colors in violation of the Pleasantville Code of Conduct and laws of common decency. Do you admit that on the night of May 1, you did consciously and willfully apply the following FORBIDDEN colors to the Pleasantville Town Hall: Red, Pink, Vermillion, Puce, Chartreuse, Umber, Blue, Aqua, Ox Blood, Green, Peach, Crimson, Yellow, Olive and Magenta. Um ... Yes I do. Where's our lawyer? +Um ... Yes I do. Where's our lawyer? "We prefer to keep these proceedings as ""pleasant"" as possible. I don't think a lawyer will be necessary." +Do you further admit that this was done surreptitiously and under the cover of darkness? Well--it was dark out ... +Well--it was dark out ... Good. Do you further admit that this unnatural depiction occurred in full public view where it was accessible to, and in plain sight of, minor children? +Good. Do you further admit that this unnatural depiction occurred in full public view where it was accessible to, and in plain sight of, minor children? It was accessible to everyone. +It was accessible to everyone. Very well. Let the record show that the defendants have answered in the affirmative to all the charges. +I think I've got something to say. Very well ... +It's like the basketball team. The basketball team? +The basketball team? Sure. Everybody's upset because they're not winning anymore--but just think how it would feel if all of a sudden they do win. +"See, I know you want it to stay ""Pleasant"" but there are so many things that are so much better: like Silly ... or Sexy ... or Dangerous ... or Wild ... or Brief ... And every one of those things is in you all the time if you just have the guts to look for them. Look at those faces back there. They're no different than you are. They just happened to see something inside themselves that you don't want to ..." Okay--that's enough! +Okay--that's enough! I thought I was allowed to defend myself. +I thought I was allowed to defend myself. You're not allowed to lie. +You're not allowed to lie. I'm not lying ... Here I'll show you. +YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER! Why am I out of order? +Why am I out of order? BECAUSE I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO TURN THIS COURTROOM INTO A CIRCUS! +BECAUSE I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO TURN THIS COURTROOM INTO A CIRCUS! Well I don't think it's a circus. And I don't think they do either. +THIS BEHAVIOR WILL STOP AT ONCE. But see that's just the point. It can't stop at once. Because it's in you. And you can't stop something that's in you. +But see that's just the point. It can't stop at once. Because it's in you. And you can't stop something that's in you. It's not in ME. +It's not in ME. Oh sure it is. +Oh sure it is. No it isn't. +Dan! Arrest them! Um ... I don't know how to do that, Bob. +Um ... I don't know how to do that, Bob. What do you mean!? +What do you mean!? Well, I never had to do it before. +Well, I never had to do it before. You put handcuffs on them and you take them to the police station. +You put handcuffs on them and you take them to the police station. Oh. guess I could do that, then. +How'd you know about the fire? What? +What? How'd you know how to put it out and all? +And where's that? Um ... Outside of Pleasantville. +What's outside of Pleasantville? Look it doesn't matter. It's not important. +Look it doesn't matter. It's not important. What is it? +"""It was big 'n brown 'n kept goin' an' goin' as far you could see.""" I thought the books were blank? +Hello Bud. Hello Mr. Simpson. +Hello Mr. Simpson. Hear your Dad got a new car. +Hear your Dad got a new car. Oh yeah. A Buick. It's swell. +Mr. Simpson ... Yes. +Yes. What color is that hedge of yours? +What color is that hedge of yours? Green. +Green. No, not that hedge. The other one. +No, not that hedge. The other one. The other one? +The other one? The one in your mind. The one that you see on a bright cold morning. The one that you see when you walk in front of your house and you just stand there and stare. +What are you doing? What are you doing? +David, cut it out. Mark Davis is gonna like be here in five minutes. Well great. The Pleasantville Marathon starts at six thirty. +Well great. The Pleasantville Marathon starts at six thirty. Pleasantville Marathon? +Pleasantville Marathon? Yeah. Every episode ever. +Yeah. Every episode ever. Omigod, I don't be-lieeeeve this! He's gonna like beeeee here! +Omigod, I don't be-lieeeeve this! He's gonna like beeeee here! Weil great. You can watch TV upstairs. +Weil great. You can watch TV upstairs. Upstairs! Up-staiiirs! There isn't any STEREO! +Oh my God ... Oh my God ... David, stop stressing, you can like-- turn it on normally ... +David, stop stressing, you can like-- turn it on normally ... No you can't, Jen! It's a new TV. It doesn't work without a remote. +Lemme see that. No way. +Do you mind. This is like the most important moment of my whole life. Forget it Jen, I've waited a year for this. +God, David. Just give it to me! Get lost! +Get lost! YOU get lost! +Oh my God. What happened? +What happened? I'm not sure. +What did you do? I don't know. +I don't know. Uchh! Look at me?! I'm like so ... pasty! +Noooooo! You--you gotta get us out of here. +Oh God. What's going to happen? +What's going to happen? I don't know ... It's not possible ... Is it possible? +I don't believe this. Neither do I. +I'm gonna hurl, David. I swear to God. Just take deep breaths. +Just take deep breaths. All that animal fat. I feel it in my pores or something. +I still don't see why we're doing this. We're supposed to be in school. +We're supposed to be in school. We're supposed to be at home David! We're supposed to be in color! Oh God ... +You know him? Owns the hardware store. +Owns the hardware store. Okay, now you listen to me! I don't know what's going on but you'd better fix it! I had a date with Mark Davis and I even bought new UNDERWEAR! +Okay, now you listen to me! I don't know what's going on but you'd better fix it! I had a date with Mark Davis and I even bought new UNDERWEAR! We just gotta play along for a little while ... till that guy shows up again. Then I'll talk to him and ... +We just gotta play along for a little while ... till that guy shows up again. Then I'll talk to him and ... Play along? +Play along? Well, yeah. I'm ... Bud Parker and you're ... um--Mary Sue. +Well, yeah. I'm ... Bud Parker and you're ... um--Mary Sue. No! I'm not gonna do it! If I don't dress like this for Mom I'm sure as hell not going to do it for you! +No! I'm not gonna do it! If I don't dress like this for Mom I'm sure as hell not going to do it for you! We don't have a choice Jen. We're stuck until he comes back. +We don't have a choice Jen. We're stuck until he comes back. Why can't we just EXPLAIN IT? +Why can't we just EXPLAIN IT? To who? +Who's that? Biff Martin. Captain of the basketball team. +Biff Martin. Captain of the basketball team. "Does he--you know--like ""me""?" +"Does he--you know--like ""me""?" As a matter of fact he does. +As a matter of fact he does. Hunh. +Those are my friends. Peggy Jane, Lisa Anne and Betty Jean. +Peggy Jane, Lisa Anne and Betty Jean. Can we do any better? +Can we do any better? I don't think so. +No way. One date, Jen--that's all I'm asking. If you don't go out with this guy we could throw their whole universe out of whack. +One date, Jen--that's all I'm asking. If you don't go out with this guy we could throw their whole universe out of whack. It's too weird David. This place is giving me the creeps. Did you know all the books are blank? +It's too weird David. This place is giving me the creeps. Did you know all the books are blank? What? +What? I looked in the library. They got covers with nothing inside them. +I looked in the library. They got covers with nothing inside them. What were you doing in a library? +What were you doing in a library? I got lost. Oh here ... look at this! +JENNIFER! Just watch. You know why those guys just get cats out of trees? 'Cause nothing burns around here, that's why! They don't need any firemen ... +Jen, listen ... I like--really need a cigarette, too. +I like--really need a cigarette, too. I'll get us out of here. I really will. But if we don't play along we could alter their whole existence. We may never get home. +I could like kill a guy with these things. It's in your closet. +It's in your closet. I've worn some kinky stuff before ... +I've worn some kinky stuff before ... He won't notice anyway. +He won't notice anyway. What do you mean? +What do you mean? They don't notice that kind of thing. +They don't notice that kind of thing. So what's the point? +So what's the point? Jen please ... +Jen please ... He-llo? I've got like three pounds of underwire here ... +He-llo? I've got like three pounds of underwire here ... Just go with the program--hunh? I'm late for work. +Couple of cheeseburgers and two cherry cokes. If you need anything, I'll be right over there. "Gee whiz ""Bud"", what could we possibly need when we have each other?" +What did you do to him? Nothing. +You can't do this, Jennifer. I WARNED you. So what's the big deal. Oh. Okay. They're like not good at basketball anymore. Like--omigod, what a tragedy. +So what's the big deal. Oh. Okay. They're like not good at basketball anymore. Like--omigod, what a tragedy. You don't understand. You're messing with their UNIVERSE. +You don't understand. You're messing with their UNIVERSE. Well maybe it needs to be messed with. Did that ever like--occur to you? You know, they don't want to be like this, it's just that nobody ever helped them before. +You have no right to do this. Well if I don't who will? +Well if I don't who will? They're happy like this. +They're happy like this. David, nobody's happy in a Poodle skirt and a sweater set. You like all this don't you? +I mean, you don't think it's just like dorky or funny or something ... you really like it. Oh God! I am just so personally horrified right now ... I just don't think we have the right to ... +I just don't think we have the right to ... "David, let me tell you something. These people don't want to be geeks. They want to be ""attractive."" They've got a lot of potential, they just don't know any better." +"David, let me tell you something. These people don't want to be geeks. They want to be ""attractive."" They've got a lot of potential, they just don't know any better." They don't have that kind of potential. +They don't have that kind of potential. Um--hello? You want to like take a look? +Me too. Sounds swell. Really? It seems so fattening. +I had nothing to do with that fire. It's okay. +It's okay. Not directly anyhow ... +Not directly anyhow ... It's fine. +Um ... They like wanna ask you a question ... I didn't know how to handle it. So ... Sure. +Okay look, this like--wasn't my fault. They asked me what it was about and I like didn't remember 'cause we had it back in tenth grade, But I told them what I DID remember, and the next thing I knew the pages had filled in. The pages filled in? +The pages filled in? But like only up to the part about the raft, because I didn't read any farther. +What's wrong? Nothing. +Nothing. Nothing? +You're reading? Yeah. Can't believe you started such a dorky fad. +D.H. Lawrence. You ever heard of him? ... Yeah. +... Yeah. Seemed kinda sexy. Look. I read 35 pages. +Seemed kinda sexy. Look. I read 35 pages. That's great. +So what is it? Well ... I just ... Can I ask you a question? +Well ... I just ... Can I ask you a question? Sure. +Sure. Remember when you told me that Lisa Rosenberg liked me? +Remember when you told me that Lisa Rosenberg liked me? Yeah ... +Yeah ... Well--did she really like me or were you just making that up. +Well--did she really like me or were you just making that up. No. She really liked you. +No. She really liked you. You weren't playing a joke? She woulda gone out with me? +You weren't playing a joke? She woulda gone out with me? Gone out with you. She woulda like rearranged your tonsils. +Gone out with you. She woulda like rearranged your tonsils. Wow. +Can I ask you a question? Yes. +Yes. How come I'm still in black and white? +How come I'm still in black and white? What? +What? Well I've had like ten times as much sex as these girls and I'm still like this. They have one hour in the back of a car and suddenly they're in technicolor. +Well I've had like ten times as much sex as these girls and I'm still like this. They have one hour in the back of a car and suddenly they're in technicolor. Oh, I don't know. Maybe ... ... it's not just the sex ... +Oh, I don't know. Maybe ... ... it's not just the sex ... What? +Are you sure? I told you. I'm like positive. +I told you. I'm like positive. This thing works. We could go home right now. +This thing works. We could go home right now. I'm not ready yet. I gotta do this for a little while. +Besides. You think there's like a chance I'm gonna get into college back there? Honestly ... no. +You got the admissions letter. Right here. +Right here. And you're sure about this? +And you're sure about this? I've done the slut thing, David. It's really kinda old. +That was sure swell ... Oh. Thanks, Margaret. +Oh. Thanks, Margaret. I baked you my oatmeal cookies. +I baked you my oatmeal cookies. Oh, no ... You baked those for Whitey. +Oh, no ... You baked those for Whitey. No. I baked them for you. +No. I baked them for you. No. You baked them for Whitey. +No. You baked them for Whitey. No. I baked them for you. +Keeps going ... Well--it all just keeps going. Roads ... rivers ... +Hi. Oh ... Hi. +Oh ... Hi. Look, I probably shouldn't be asking you this--not knowing you that well and all ... +Sure ... Where would we go? ... Lover's Lane? +Um ... You gotta turn off Main Street. Oh ... Right. +Mmmmgh. Do they have those ... Where you come from? +Do they have those ... Where you come from? Yeah ... I guess. I don't know. +Yeah ... I guess. I don't know. You don't know? +So what's it like? What? +What? Out there. +How? Well it's louder ... And scarier I guess ... And ... and a lot more dangerous ... +Well it's louder ... And scarier I guess ... And ... and a lot more dangerous ... Sounds fantastic. You know some kids came up here the other night to go swimming--took off all their clothes. +Do they have an Ocean? I've heard about the ocean. Yeah. +Yeah. What's that like? +What's that like? Well it's big. And it's blue ... ... It's really really blue. +Well it's big. And it's blue ... ... It's really really blue. Mmmm. Boy. It's hot up here. +You want some berries? Hunh? +I picked them myself. They grow wild up here. Mmm. So sweet. They just grow like that? +They just grow like that? Oh yeah. There's a lot of stuff. Currants and strawberries ... Here. I'll show you. +What's going on? Rain. +Rain. Real rain? +Real rain? Yeah ... You don't have rain either? +What do we do? We'll just put up the top. +It's beautiful. Where'd you get it? It was a prop for the school play ... +Can I open it? Sure ... +Where are they? I'm not sure. +You're gonna forget about me. No I won't. I swear. +I like calling you David. I like it too. +Okay, whose window did Bud break when he was playing with his father's golf clubs? Easy. Mr. Jenkins. What JOB did Mr. Jenkins have? +Salesman. What did Bud and Mary Sue name the cat they found in the gutter? Scout? +Scout? Marmalade. +You're unbelievable. You'll win this thing for sure. When is it on? Marathon starts at 6:30. Contest's tomorrow at noon. +Marathon starts at 6:30. Contest's tomorrow at noon. A thousand dollars ... And it's on all night? +A thousand dollars ... And it's on all night? Of course it is Howard. That's why they call it a Marathon. +Holy cow. Look at that. Had a little disaster didn't ya fella. Yeah ... Sort of ... +Yeah ... Sort of ... We'll get you fixed up in no time. +I know how I'd feel if mine went out. Almost like losing a friend. You know, we didn't call any TV repair. +You know, we didn't call any TV repair. Well that makes it a lucky day for both of us, hunh? +... Her father. Right. And how did she dress him? +Right. And how did she dress him? ... Like Prince Charming. +... Like Prince Charming. Nice ... Nice ... +Yeah ... What department store did they go to? +What department store did they go to? McIntire's. +McIntire's. McGinty's. +McGinty's. "No. McIntire's. Remember: ""For the very best in men's attire, Head right down to McIntire's.""" +"No. McIntire's. Remember: ""For the very best in men's attire, Head right down to McIntire's.""" That's right. +"Say--why don't you take this remote instead. It's got a little more ""Ooomph"" in it." Ooomph? +Ooomph? Sure. Big beautiful set like this--you want something that'll put you right in the show. +How much does it cost? Oh--couldn't charge you for something like that. It's free. +... See, every time I thought I'd found someone they'd turn out to disappoint me. They'd know the early episodes, but they wouldn't know the later ones ... They'd know all about Muffin but they wouldn't know about Bud ... What the hell's going on! +What the hell's going on! Shh! Can't talk like that now. You're in ... You know ... +Why would I do that? Because we don't belong! +Because we don't belong! "Oh sure you do ... ""McIntire's Department store"" ... ""Their father dressed as Prince Charming."" That was gorgeous Bud." +"Oh sure you do ... ""McIntire's Department store"" ... ""Their father dressed as Prince Charming."" That was gorgeous Bud." My name's David. +Look--we appreciate it. We really do. We just--we want to go home now. But you don't know how long I've been looking for someone like you. +Don't get upset. Weil wouldn't you! You look for someone for years ... You pour your heart into it ... This is a privilege you know. I don't think I better talk about this right now. +Weil wouldn't you! You look for someone for years ... You pour your heart into it ... This is a privilege you know. I don't think I better talk about this right now. Where are you going ... +Where are you going ... I don't think we should discuss this until I'm a little bit more composed. +I don't think we should discuss this until I'm a little bit more composed. WAIT A MINUTE!! +WAIT A MINUTE!! Maybe in a day or so when I'm not so emotional ... +Maybe in a day or so when I'm not so emotional ... COME BACK!!! +Hello there. ... Hi. +... Hi. Well c'mere, young fella. +So even though I can't make any promises, well--I figured if you asked me real nice--I might just be willing to talk about it again. I can't. +I can't. What? +What? Talk about it. Right now, I mean. I got to ... um ... +Bud--I thought you wanted to come home. "Oh ... I do. Yeah. It's just that I told my ""dad"" I'd clean out the rain gutters and Mr. Johnson wanted me to ... to change the tape in the register ..." +"Oh ... I do. Yeah. It's just that I told my ""dad"" I'd clean out the rain gutters and Mr. Johnson wanted me to ... to change the tape in the register ..." I'll be honest with you Bud. I'm getting sorta concerned about what I'm seeing in some of these re-runs ... +I'll be honest with you Bud. I'm getting sorta concerned about what I'm seeing in some of these re-runs ... Re-runs? +Re-runs? Like when Margaret Henderson makes her cookies for Whitey. ... Those aren't your cookies Bud. +Like when Margaret Henderson makes her cookies for Whitey. ... Those aren't your cookies Bud. "Oh, I know they're not. But I mean-- they're just ""cookies"" after all ..." +"Oh, I know they're not. But I mean-- they're just ""cookies"" after all ..." Excuse me? +Excuse me? Well they're not just cookies. I mean, they're great cookies ... Look, I'd love to get into this whole thing but I'm really running late. Why don't we hook up tomorrow? +Well they're not just cookies. I mean, they're great cookies ... Look, I'd love to get into this whole thing but I'm really running late. Why don't we hook up tomorrow? BUD. +BUD. Terrific. I'll talk to you then. +I want a word with you ... Oh--well ... +Oh--well ... NOW! +What do you mean? What do I MEAN! You think this is a toy? You think it's your own little goddamn coloring book ... +What do I MEAN! You think this is a toy? You think it's your own little goddamn coloring book ... "Look--it just sort of ""happened"" ..." +"Look--it just sort of ""happened"" ..." "A deluge doesn't just ""happen."" Bolts of lightning don't just ""happen"" ... You burned down an ELM tree for Christ's sake ..." +"A deluge doesn't just ""happen."" Bolts of lightning don't just ""happen"" ... You burned down an ELM tree for Christ's sake ..." I had nothing to do with that. +I had nothing to do with that. Oh. I'm sorry--refresh my memory. What episode does the orgy happen in, again? +Oh. I'm sorry--refresh my memory. What episode does the orgy happen in, again? Look ... +Look ... It was a gift Bud. It was so special. You liked these things as much as I did, remember: Warm smells in the family kitchen? A smile from a stranger? You know how rare that is? +It was a gift Bud. It was so special. You liked these things as much as I did, remember: Warm smells in the family kitchen? A smile from a stranger? You know how rare that is? ... Only if they mean it. +OKAY. NOW YOU'RE REALLY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF! I didn't do anything wrong. +I didn't do anything wrong. Oh no? Let me show you something! +Where's the remote control I gave you? Why? +Why? Because you're coming home. I'm gonna put this place back the way it was. +Because you're coming home. I'm gonna put this place back the way it was. No you're not. +No you're not. EXCUSE ME? +EXCUSE ME? I'm sorry ... I can't let you do that. +I'm sorry ... I can't let you do that. JUST GIMME THE GODDAMN REMOTE! +OW! I'm going to leave now. +I'm going to leave now. You're not going anywhere. You're gonna get that remote and you're gonna come home and we're gonna make everybody HAPPY AGAIN!!! +Hope you're proud of yourself. I am actually ... Glad to see you've finally shown your true colors. +Okay, let's cut the shit and get right to it. Where's that remote control? Why? +Why? Because you're coming home. +Because you're coming home. Why don't you just take me back without it? +Why don't you just take me back without it? Oh. You're a smart little bastard aren't you? It's kind of like a restricted ticket. You gotta leave the same way you came. +So ... I guess as long as I'm here, all sorts of things could happen to this place. We could have pink lawns and blue trees ... Just gimme the damn remote! +Just gimme the damn remote! I'm sorry. I can't do that. +I don't know what went wrong. You answered every question. You knew every detail. The senior Prom ... McIntire's Department Store. We had all the same warm memories: Sock hops. The Church Social ... They weren't my memories. I borrowed them. It's no good when you borrow them. +How long do you think you've been here? I don't know ... Three, four weeks. +I don't know ... Three, four weeks. Much less than that. An hour and a half. +Now Buddy, you're going on trial tomorrow. And if they find you guilty, you're gonna be stuck here forever. Well, not forever--lemme think ... Five year sentence ... Carry the three ... That comes out to ... sixteen and a half centuries, and that's rounding down. I'm going on trial tomorrow? +I'm going on trial tomorrow? This is TV pal. They don't fool around. +There's worse places. Oh sure. For the first hundred years. Then it starts to get a little monotonous. Sleep well. +Bud? Sorry ... I had to help my folks and then I couldn't find my hat ... +Sorry ... I had to help my folks and then I couldn't find my hat ... Oh. +What's wrong? Well--I always wipe down the counter and then you set out the napkins and glasses and then I make the french fries ... +Well--I always wipe down the counter and then you set out the napkins and glasses and then I make the french fries ... Yeah ... +Yeah ... But you didn't come so I kept on wiping. +You know, if this ever happens again, you can make the fries even if I haven't put out the napkins yet. I'm so glad you're here. +I'm so glad you're here. I understand. +There aren't any cheeseburgers. What? +What? Well, usually I put out the burger and then you finish with the lettuce ... +Well, usually I put out the burger and then you finish with the lettuce ... Listen to me! +Do you have the lettuce? ... Yeah. +... Yeah. Have you cooked the burgers? +Have you cooked the burgers? Yes. +Yes. Well you can just put on the lettuce, finish the burger and pretend it was me doing it all along. +Oh hi! Hi there. You took off so quick. I wasn't sure if you were okay. +Hi there. You took off so quick. I wasn't sure if you were okay. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm fine. I just ... Had to get home early. +Bud ... Yeah ... +Yeah ... You know how when we close up, I close the register, then you lower the shades, then I turn out the lights, then we both lock the doors. +You know how when we close up, I close the register, then you lower the shades, then I turn out the lights, then we both lock the doors. Yeah ... +Yeah ... Well you weren't around this time so I did the whole thing myself. +Two cheeseburgers, two cherry cokes. There aren't any cheeseburgers. +There aren't any cheeseburgers. Look. I thought we talked about this, I thought we said ... +Look. I thought we talked about this, I thought we said ... Oh--what's the point, Bud? +Well ... I'm not sure I see the point anymore. What are you talking about! You make hamburgers! That is the point! +What are you talking about! You make hamburgers! That is the point! No I know ... I know I do ... But it's always the same, you know? Grill the bun, flip the meat, melt the cheese ... It never changes. It never gets any better or worse ... +No I know ... I know I do ... But it's always the same, you know? Grill the bun, flip the meat, melt the cheese ... It never changes. It never gets any better or worse ... Just listen to me ... +Just listen to me ... ... Like the other night, when I closed up by myself. That was different ... +... Like the other night, when I closed up by myself. That was different ... Forget about that! +Forget about that! Oh ... Okay. ... But I really liked it. +Look, you can't always like what you do. Sometimes you just do it because it's your job. And even if you don't like it, you just gotta do it anyway. Why? +Why? So they can have their hamburgers! +You know what I really like? ... What's that? +... What's that? Christmastime. +Wow ... That's pretty good ... "Thanks. But this morning I was thinking about it and I realized that I looked forward to it all year. And then I thought ""Gee. That seems awfully silly. That seems like an awfully long time to be waiting for just one moment, don't you think?""" +Well don't you? I think you should try not to think about this anymore. +I think you should try not to think about this anymore. Really? +Really? Yeah. +Yeah. Oh. Okay. I'll try that then. +Oh, hi. Hi. +Hi. Aren't you a little early? +Aren't you a little early? I brought you something ... From the library. +It's an art book. Oh my Gosh, Bud ... +Oh my Gosh, Bud ... Open it. +What's wrong? I'll never be able to do that. +I'll never be able to do that. Oh, well--you're just starting out. I mean, you can't do it ... +Oh, well--you're just starting out. I mean, you can't do it ... No, that's not it. +It's okay. We'll get you a new one. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't paint anymore Bud. I just don't know what I'd do ... +Well how do you know it won't go back to the way it was? You're gonna keep painting aren't you? +It's beautiful. Just a little--You know. +TV repair. TV repair? +TV repair? Yeah. TV busted? +Yeah. TV busted? Yeah ... +Yeah ... Well here I am. +You think you could do this like soon? It's almost six thirty. What's the rush? +Gosh, I loved that show. Watched it for years. That's not the reason. I've got a date at six thirty. +That's not the reason. I've got a date at six thirty. Hey--who did Muff in take to the masquerade ball when her date came down with the measles? +Um--hello? I've got like a social emergency here. Remember the one where Bud lost his cousin when he was s'posed to be watching him? +Free? Oh sure. Big fan like yourself. It's the least I could do. +Told you it was your lucky day. Bet you thought I was just a fan or something. What happened? +What happened? A miracle. +Dream come true, hunh? This isn't funny! I happen to have a very important date in like five minutes! +This isn't funny! I happen to have a very important date in like five minutes! Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore. +Oh GOD ... You know--this is a pretty strange way of showing your appreciation. +Hey. Hey. +Saw you at the mall yesterday. Yeah ... Saw you too. +So you watching Pearl Jam on MTV tonight? Yeah. +So uh ... Maybe we could uh ... Cool. +Cool. Cool. +This is Barry. Hey it's me, what are you doing? +Hey it's me, what are you doing? Hello, Karen. I'm just working. +Hello, Karen. I'm just working. Yeah but what are you doing? +Yeah but what are you doing? I'm just working....I have some customers here..... +I'm just working....I have some customers here..... So you can't talk to me? +So you can't talk to me? I have a few people here, I can't really chat right now. +I have a few people here, I can't really chat right now. """chat?"" Did you just say ""chat?""" +"""chat?"" Did you just say ""chat?""" Well, I can't talk though -- +Well, I can't talk though -- "You just fucking said ""chat,"" that is so -- what are you now? ""chat."" I'm just calling to make sure you show up at this party tonight." +"You just fucking said ""chat,"" that is so -- what are you now? ""chat."" I'm just calling to make sure you show up at this party tonight." Yes, I'll be there. +Yes, I'll be there. Fine. You get back to chatting with your precious customers. +Fine. You get back to chatting with your precious customers. Ok, bye-bye. +Did you think that we'd all be looking at you? No, no, no. +No, no, no. Well it's just not true. We wouldn't be looking at you -- why are you wearing this suit? Did you say hello to your brother in law's? +...yes I'm still on hold... And what was this? +And what was this? I'm looking at your advertisement for the airline promotion and giveaway? +I'm looking at your advertisement for the airline promotion and giveaway? "This is ""Fly With Us?""" +"This is ""Fly With Us?""" It's hard to understand because it says in addition to but I can't exactly understand in addition to what because there's actually nothing to add it too... +It's hard to understand because it says in addition to but I can't exactly understand in addition to what because there's actually nothing to add it too... I think that's a type-o then, that would be a mistake. +I think that's a type-o then, that would be a mistake. So, just to clarify, I'm sorry: Ten purchases of any of your Healthy Choice products equals five hundred miles and then with the coupon the same purchases would value one thousand miles -- +So, just to clarify, I'm sorry: Ten purchases of any of your Healthy Choice products equals five hundred miles and then with the coupon the same purchases would value one thousand miles -- That's it. +That's it. Do you realize that the monetary value of this promotion and the prize is potentially worth more than the purchases? +Do you realize that the monetary value of this promotion and the prize is potentially worth more than the purchases? I don't know...I mean: I don't know. +It's extension 215 if you want to try me back. Ok. Thank you. +What city? Somewhere in Utah. +Somewhere in Utah. What's the listing? +What's the listing? D&D Mattress Man. +Hey, how are you? BARRY I'm fine, hi, how are you? I'm just stopping by to say hello. +I'm just stopping by to say hello. Hello. +Hello. So you're coming tonight, right? +So you're coming tonight, right? Yes, indeed, yes I am. +Yes, indeed, yes I am. There's this girl, this friend of mine from work that I think is really cute and really cool and I want you to meet her so I was thinking about bringing her to the party tonight. +There's this girl, this friend of mine from work that I think is really cute and really cool and I want you to meet her so I was thinking about bringing her to the party tonight. Oh yeah no I don't want to do that. +Oh yeah no I don't want to do that. Why? +Why? Well I don't want to do something like that. +Well I don't want to do something like that. She's my friend and you should meet her. You'd like her. +She's my friend and you should meet her. You'd like her. Yeah, but please don't do that. +Yeah, but please don't do that. I'm not really asking you, I'm telling you. +I'm not really asking you, I'm telling you. Yeah but please don't do that: everyone would be looking at me. +Yeah but please don't do that: everyone would be looking at me. It's a free country, we can look at you if we want to. +It's a free country, we can look at you if we want to. Yes but I get tense and I feel like I can't be myself if that happens. +Yes but I get tense and I feel like I can't be myself if that happens. That's your fault not mine. +That's your fault not mine. I don't think I'm going to the party. +I don't think I'm going to the party. So it's ok if I bring her. +So it's ok if I bring her. Please don't. +Please don't. She's really cute and she's really nice. +She's really cute and she's really nice. ...please, I just don't want it.... +...please, I just don't want it.... ....wait a minute: why is this about you now? Why is it always about you? +....wait a minute: why is this about you now? Why is it always about you? Yeah, no, it's not, it's just -- +Yeah, no, it's not, it's just -- I'm trying to be your friend. +I'm trying to be your friend. I know. +I know. I'm trying to get you a girlfriend. +I'm trying to get you a girlfriend. Well, yeah, thank you, but -- +Well, yeah, thank you, but -- -- but since you're not going I guess none of this matters and I'll bring her anyway. +Hey....I was just telling everyone about how I was gonna bring this girl for you but you wouldn't let me do it. Hello everyone. +You just said very food. Did I say that? +You're lucky. She couldn't come anyway -- Well I'm glad you didn't, thank you. +Well I'm glad you didn't, thank you. She couldn't come I said. Are you nervous? +She couldn't come I said. Are you nervous? No. +No. You look nervous. +You look nervous. I'm not, I'm very happy. +Hey, what are you doing? Why are you wearing a suit again? I don't know. +This is Lena, she's a good friend of mine from work. We were in the neighborhood and she had to pick up her car and we're getting breakfast before we go in, so did you want to go? We're gonna go and eat, let's go. Yeah I can't. +Yeah I can't. Why? +Why? I have work, I can't leave. +I have work, I can't leave. Seriously, though: We're going to eat, I said. +Seriously, though: We're going to eat, I said. I'm sorry. +Hey, hey, you should ask her out -- what do you think, she's cute, right? I'm gonna call you back. +It's not cool? It's fine, but -- +It's fine, but -- -- do you think you'll ask her out? +-- do you think you'll ask her out? I feel really on the spot now. +I feel really on the spot now. Are you gonna do it? +Are you gonna do it? I don't do that. I don't - things like that. +I don't do that. I don't - things like that. You don't do anything, why are you being scared? +You don't do anything, why are you being scared? I'm not being scared, you're just going to rag me if I do this -- +I'm not being scared, you're just going to rag me if I do this -- I'm not gonna rag you. Why would I do this just to rag you? +I'm not gonna rag you. Why would I do this just to rag you? I don't know. +I don't know. I'll leave then, I'll go to get something from my car, go away so you don't feel pressure. Can I ask you a serious question: +I'll leave then, I'll go to get something from my car, go away so you don't feel pressure. Can I ask you a serious question: What? +What? Did you ask Walter to get you a shrink? Barry, did you ask Walter to get you a shrink? What's wrong with you? Are you ok? +Did you ask Walter to get you a shrink? Barry, did you ask Walter to get you a shrink? What's wrong with you? Are you ok? I didn't ask him that. He's lying. +I didn't ask him that. He's lying. You're being weird again, see. Come on. Please don't be weird. +Yeah I can't. OH MY GOD. Look at that. +What's all this pudding? It's not mine. +It's not mine. Why's it here? +Why's it here? I have no idea. +Goodbye. Call me later. +Hey. What are you doing? Nothing. I'm just at work and I'm wondering, you know your friend Lena? +What about her? You didn't ask her out, you're such a pussy -- ....she didn't, I didn't ask her out? +....she didn't, I didn't ask her out? You're so scared. +You're so scared. Do you know where she's staying in Hawaii? +Do you know where she's staying in Hawaii? Oh My God, yeah, I know exactly where she is, why? +Oh My God, yeah, I know exactly where she is, why? ......she forgot her purse at my work and I wanted to get it back to her. +......she forgot her purse at my work and I wanted to get it back to her. No she didn't; that's a lie. +No she didn't; that's a lie. I....please don't do this. +I....please don't do this. What? Tell me why you wanna know -- +What? Tell me why you wanna know -- I just want to know where she's staying. +I just want to know where she's staying. Tell me why. +Tell me why. There is no reason for you to treat me like you do -- you're killing me, you are killing me with the way that you are towards me -- +There is no reason for you to treat me like you do -- you're killing me, you are killing me with the way that you are towards me -- -- what are you talking about, come on -- +-- what are you talking about, come on -- -- all I want is the number of where she's staying and that should be god damn good enough, now stop treating me this way, please -- Just Give Me The Number Elizabeth Please Now I think I will kill you if you don't. +Hello, this is Back. Hi, is this Jack? +Hi, is this Jack? Yes. +Yes. This is Georgia. +This is Georgia. Hi. This is Jack. +Hi. This is Jack. So what are you doing tonight, Jack? +So what are you doing tonight, Jack? Nothing. +Nothing. Nothing, huh, do you know what I'm doing? +Nothing, huh, do you know what I'm doing? No. +No. I'm just laying on my bed. +I'm just laying on my bed. Where are you? +Where are you? I'm in my bedroom. +I'm in my bedroom. No, I mean, what city, what state are you in? +No, I mean, what city, what state are you in? Are you watching a porno movie? +Are you watching a porno movie? No. +No. Do you like porno movies? +Do you like porno movies? Sure. +Sure. Yeah....? So...Jack...are you stroking that big fat fucking cock of yours? +....no.... Yeah? So what are you doing, then? +Yeah? So what are you doing, then? ...just talking to you.... +...just talking to you.... Are your pants off? +Are your pants off? No. +No. I'm wearing a t-shirt and panties. +I'm wearing a t-shirt and panties. Really? +Really? Yeah. And looking at myself in the mirror. Do you wanna know what I look like? +Yeah. And looking at myself in the mirror. Do you wanna know what I look like? It doesn't matter. +It doesn't matter. What do you mean it doesn't matter? +What do you mean it doesn't matter? Well. I have no way of knowing. So it doesn't matter. +Well. I have no way of knowing. So it doesn't matter. I don't lie, Jack. I'm about 5'8, blonde 34,28,34. Pretty thin, I work out. My pussy's shaved. My friends say I'm pretty cute, so.... +I don't lie, Jack. I'm about 5'8, blonde 34,28,34. Pretty thin, I work out. My pussy's shaved. My friends say I'm pretty cute, so.... Really? +Really? "What do you mean, ""really?"" Yeah. Really. What about you?" +"What do you mean, ""really?"" Yeah. Really. What about you?" It doesn't matter. +It doesn't matter. Yeah....you're married aren't you, Jack? +Yeah....you're married aren't you, Jack? No. +No. You have a girlfriend? +You have a girlfriend? ...yes... +...yes... Where is she? +Where is she? She's...not here...she went out. She went out of town, she travels a lot. +I'm horny, Jack, what about you? ...yeah..... +...yeah..... Does Jack like to Jack Off? +Does Jack like to Jack Off? Sometimes when I'm lonely. +Sometimes when I'm lonely. ...yeah....well you have me now. +...yeah....well you have me now. You sound very cute, very nice. +You sound very cute, very nice. Thank you. What do you do, Barry? +Thank you. What do you do, Barry? I have my own business....I work. I work hard at doing my business. +I have my own business....I work. I work hard at doing my business. Yeah....do you do well, do you make alotta money? +Yeah....do you do well, do you make alotta money? I do pretty good, I think. I wish I was making more, doing a little bit better. I can,t get over a certain hump. I will...I will crack something soon I think and really do better...I'd like to diversify...but I'm doing great, I think, as a start. +I do pretty good, I think. I wish I was making more, doing a little bit better. I can,t get over a certain hump. I will...I will crack something soon I think and really do better...I'd like to diversify...but I'm doing great, I think, as a start. So.....are you stroking it, yet, honey? +So.....are you stroking it, yet, honey? No. +No. Well why don't you take your pants off and stroke it for me? +Well why don't you take your pants off and stroke it for me? Ok. SEXY VOICE Yeah...that's it...God I Am So Horny...I wish I was there to help you.....I wish I was there for you, Barry. +Hello? Hey. What are you doing? How are you? +Hey. What are you doing? How are you? I'm fine. Who is this? +I'm fine. Who is this? Georgia. +Georgia. Hi....what....what's up....? +Hi....what....what's up....? It's ok that I'm calling, right, I mean? It's ok. +It's ok that I'm calling, right, I mean? It's ok. Yeah. No. It's ok. What's goin' on? +Yeah. No. It's ok. What's goin' on? "I just wanted to call and talk to you, thank you for last night, try and get you before you went to work and say, ""hey.""" +"I just wanted to call and talk to you, thank you for last night, try and get you before you went to work and say, ""hey.""" I'm going to work. +I'm going to work. Uhhh...I am sooo tired...I stayed up too late last night, what about you, when did you go to sleep? +Uhhh...I am sooo tired...I stayed up too late last night, what about you, when did you go to sleep? Not very late. +Not very late. You're going to work now? +You're going to work now? Yes. +Yes. Can I ask you a question? +Can I ask you a question? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Remember last night I was talking to you and I was telling you about my apartment, my rent -- ? Do you remember? +Remember last night I was talking to you and I was telling you about my apartment, my rent -- ? Do you remember? Yes. +Yes. This is really weird and really embarrassing for me but....uh.... I was wondering if you could help me out with a little bit of money. +This is really weird and really embarrassing for me but....uh.... I was wondering if you could help me out with a little bit of money. Me? +Me? Yeah. +Yeah. I can't really. Yeah, no. I mean. I can't afford it. +I can't really. Yeah, no. I mean. I can't afford it. You don't even know how much it is. +You don't even know how much it is. I know but I....how much is it? +I know but I....how much is it? Like seven-fifty. Seven hundred fifty? +Like seven-fifty. Seven hundred fifty? Yes, no, yes. I can't. I can't afford that. I'm sorry. Sorry. +Yes, no, yes. I can't. I can't afford that. I'm sorry. Sorry. Really? Please? +Really? Please? You have trouble, financial trouble? +You have trouble, financial trouble? Yeah. It's so hard these days and I really need it. +Yeah. It's so hard these days and I really need it. Yes I can't....I don't make enough money to be able to do that. +Yes I can't....I don't make enough money to be able to do that. I thought you had your own business. You said you were gonna diversify and all that stuff.... +So you think you can? No. I'm sorry. +No. I'm sorry. Should I call back and talk to your girlfriend? +Should I call back and talk to your girlfriend? ....what....? +....what....? I was wondering if it's better to ask your girlfriend for the money? It could be really easy. I mean, I have all your information, credit card information and billing stuff -- +Hello? We got disconnected before.... +We got disconnected before.... No. No. We got disconnect -- why?.....you're calling me at work....how did you get this number -- ? +No. No. We got disconnect -- why?.....you're calling me at work....how did you get this number -- ? See the thing is I could make it really easy on you -- I already have your credit card number, your information, address and stuff. This is so awkward asking like this, I'm sorry -- +See the thing is I could make it really easy on you -- I already have your credit card number, your information, address and stuff. This is so awkward asking like this, I'm sorry -- This makes me very uncomfortable. +This makes me very uncomfortable. I need help. +I need help. Should I just ask your girlfriend? Maybe I should call back and talk to your girlfriend? +Should I just ask your girlfriend? Maybe I should call back and talk to your girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend -- +I don't have a girlfriend -- -- you said you did. +-- you said you did. I know I did. But I don't. +I know I did. But I don't. You lied to me? +You lied to me? I didn't lie. +I didn't lie. Why did you tell me you did, then? +Why did you tell me you did, then? This is....illegal....I'll call the police. +This is....illegal....I'll call the police. No you won't. +Come on, I thought we had fun, rich boy -- This is not cool. +This is not cool. It was cool last night. +It was cool last night. I have to go. +I have to go. Are you telling me no? +Are you telling me no? No I'm sorry, now I have to get off the phone.... +No I'm sorry, now I have to get off the phone.... ....this is your mistake.... +...MOTHERFUCKER, NO.... She is. I think, why did you come here like this? +Hello? You've just made a war that you cannot afford. +Hi. Do you work at the mechanic? No. +No. They're not open yet? +They're not open yet? They don't get opened until eight. +Is it ok if I leave my car you think? I don't know. +I don't know. I thought they opened at seven. If I left my car would it be ok? +I thought they opened at seven. If I left my car would it be ok? I don't know. +I don't know. Do you know them. +Do you know them. Not very well. +Not very well. Can I ask you, can I trust to leave my keys with you and give them to you so that when they get here you could give them to them? BARRY Ok. +Can I ask you, can I trust to leave my keys with you and give them to you so that when they get here you could give them to them? BARRY Ok. You think it's ok where I left it, right there? +You think it's ok where I left it, right there? I think that'll be fine. +There's a piano in the street. Yeah. +Yeah. Ok. Maybe I'll see you later. Thank you for your help. +Ok. Maybe I'll see you later. Thank you for your help. Thank you. +Thank you. Maybe I'll see you later, when I pick up my car? +Maybe I'll see you later, when I pick up my car? Ok. +Hi. Hi. +Hi. Do you remember me, I left my car, yesterday. +Do you remember me, I left my car, yesterday. Yes I do. +I'm sorry I couldn't come to your sister's birthday party last night, Elizabeth had invited me and I couldn't make it -- It's fine. It was fun, though. +It's fine. It was fun, though. It must be weird for you to have so many sisters? +It must be weird for you to have so many sisters? No. Not at all. It's nice. +Business is good, you're busy? Yeah, not really. +Yeah, not really. I saw a picture of you. +I saw a picture of you. Yes. LENA Elizabeth has a picture of you guys -- your sisters and you, it's a lot of family, it must be nice. +Yes. LENA Elizabeth has a picture of you guys -- your sisters and you, it's a lot of family, it must be nice. Do you have brothers or sisters? +Do you have brothers or sisters? No. I'm the exact opposite -- +No. I'm the exact opposite -- That must be nice. That must be really, really, really great. +That must be nice. That must be really, really, really great. It's terrible, no. +What do you do with all this pudding? That's not mine it's one of the guys that works here. That pudding's not mine. +Oh My God. It's ok. That's ok. How long have you worked with Elizabeth? +Six months, maybe five, five or six months...do you wanna check that? Are you guys hurt? +That's great -- Hawaii. I was thinking about going there. Really? +Really? I was, yeah, I was thinking about going there for business -- +I was, yeah, I was thinking about going there for business -- -- well, if you're gonna go -- +-- well, if you're gonna go -- -- I'm probably not gonna go though. +-- I'm probably not gonna go though. -- oh that's too bad, it's so great over there and if you were there we could say hello to each other or something -- +-- oh that's too bad, it's so great over there and if you were there we could say hello to each other or something -- -- yeah that would be great, if I was gonna go but I'm not exactly sure, I have so much goin on here -- A lot depends on this thing I might do here and if that happens I can't go and if it doesn't happen then I probably will, but I doubt it. +It was great to meet you again. To see you again, thanks for helping me yesterday -- Ok. +I'm going to go and eat tomorrow night do you want to go with me? Sure. +Sure. Do you want to pick me up? +Do you want to pick me up? Sure. +Sure. Can I write down my address and phone number for you? +Can I write down my address and phone number for you? Sure. +This is funny. Yeah. +Yeah. I didn't ask anyone for a shrink, that was someone else. Also: This pudding is not mine. Also: I'm wearing a suit because I had a very important business meeting this morning and I don't have a crying problem. +I didn't ask anyone for a shrink, that was someone else. Also: This pudding is not mine. Also: I'm wearing a suit because I had a very important business meeting this morning and I don't have a crying problem. Ok. +Ok. Alright? +Alright? ....Hi..... +....Hi..... ....Hi..... +Who is it? It's Barry. +...really? That's nice...are you lying? ...I thought I should tell you. I didn't want to get too far along on going out and be hiding something -- +That's very nice. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. You're friends with my sister? Yeah. +Yeah. How long have you known her? +How long have you known her? About six months. +About six months. You like her? +You like her? Yeah. Yeah we get along well. You didn't get along with her very well? +Yeah. Yeah we get along well. You didn't get along with her very well? Did you really come to meet me on purpose or are you lying about that? +Did you really come to meet me on purpose or are you lying about that? No, no. I did. +No, no. I did. That's nice. It's nice. I've been looking around a lot lately at promotional giveaways, cross promotional work by some companies. Do you remember all that pudding? +That's nice. It's nice. I've been looking around a lot lately at promotional giveaways, cross promotional work by some companies. Do you remember all that pudding? Yeah. +Yeah. So that pudding was bought, I bought that pudding because of a pretty interesting promotion that's sponsored by Healthy Choice and American Airlines. It's designed to encourage airline travel and obviously designed to encourage buying Healthy Choice products. They make frozen meals, deli meats, pasta sauce, breads, soups and ice creams, this sort of thing..... +So that pudding was bought, I bought that pudding because of a pretty interesting promotion that's sponsored by Healthy Choice and American Airlines. It's designed to encourage airline travel and obviously designed to encourage buying Healthy Choice products. They make frozen meals, deli meats, pasta sauce, breads, soups and ice creams, this sort of thing..... Yeah? +Yeah? ....I'm sorry....I lost my thoughts, what I was saying.... +....I'm sorry....I lost my thoughts, what I was saying.... You were talking about the promotion -- +You were talking about the promotion -- -- the promotion says: buy any 10 Healthy Choice products and get 500 miles of airline travel or 1,000 for purchases made with a special coupon. So in the supermarket, you notice their products, first you notice they have a Teriyaki Chicken Dinner at $1.79 - that's a pretty good deal....but then I noticed they had soup at 89 cents a can.....and you start to do the math and you start to notice that it's a really amazing deal because I stumbled across the pudding at 25 cents a cup. Now the crucial thing is the bar codes on the label. That's those little bar codes, you know? The universal product codes? +-- the promotion says: buy any 10 Healthy Choice products and get 500 miles of airline travel or 1,000 for purchases made with a special coupon. So in the supermarket, you notice their products, first you notice they have a Teriyaki Chicken Dinner at $1.79 - that's a pretty good deal....but then I noticed they had soup at 89 cents a can.....and you start to do the math and you start to notice that it's a really amazing deal because I stumbled across the pudding at 25 cents a cup. Now the crucial thing is the bar codes on the label. That's those little bar codes, you know? The universal product codes? Yeah. +Yeah. That's what's used to redeem the mileage, so in noticing the pudding, each cup had an individual bar code -- in other words: Two dollars and fifty cents for ten cups of pudding is 500 miles. Add in the coupon: it's one thousand. You see? +That's what's used to redeem the mileage, so in noticing the pudding, each cup had an individual bar code -- in other words: Two dollars and fifty cents for ten cups of pudding is 500 miles. Add in the coupon: it's one thousand. You see? Yeah. +Yeah. You see? +You see? Yeah, no, I see -- +Yeah, no, I see -- You see if you spent $3,000 dollars on pudding you could earn over one million frequent flyer miles. +You see if you spent $3,000 dollars on pudding you could earn over one million frequent flyer miles. That's insane. That is really, really crazy. That's just crazy if you spend three thousand dollars on pudding. +That's insane. That is really, really crazy. That's just crazy if you spend three thousand dollars on pudding. ....yeah.... +....yeah.... So that was your pudding? +So that was your pudding? ....No.... +....No.... I'm sorry. I thought you said -- +I'm sorry. I thought you said -- No I didn't say that. +No I didn't say that. I thought you said you bought all that pudding -- +I thought you said you bought all that pudding -- My friend Carlos is doing it who works with me. It's his. It's his pudding, he's doing it. It's not mine. He's crazy. I told him not to do it. He's the one who's insane. He only spent about one hundred dollars so far though -- +My friend Carlos is doing it who works with me. It's his. It's his pudding, he's doing it. It's not mine. He's crazy. I told him not to do it. He's the one who's insane. He only spent about one hundred dollars so far though -- Your sister was telling me a pretty funny story about you, when you guys were kids and you were building a ramp for your dog and you threw a hammer through a window? Is that right? You threw a hammer through a sliding glass door? +Is everything ok? Yes. +Yes. What happened? +What happened? Nothing. +Nothing. What did he want? +What did he want? Nothing. +I have a better idea of where we can go. Ok. +There's a better place for us to eat. Did something happen; are you alright? +Did something happen; are you alright? Yes I'm fine. Everything is ok. It's fine. Everything is fine. +Your portable reed organ....the piano. Well, it's fine. Thank you. +Well, it's fine. Thank you. Did you pick it up from the street? +Did you pick it up from the street? What? +What? Did you take it from the street in front of your work? +Did you take it from the street in front of your work? ...yes I did...? +...yes I did...? Are you learning how to play it? +Are you learning how to play it? Yes? I'm trying. +Yes? I'm trying. Oh that's great. +Oh that's great. So you must travel a lot with all that pudding you bought? +So you must travel a lot with all that pudding you bought? Yes no not really. +Ok....well...I'm gonna go. ...yeah... +...yeah... It was nice to see you again, to see your face again, to go out with you -- +It was nice to see you again, to see your face again, to go out with you -- I'll be around and back in town in a few days -- +I'll be around and back in town in a few days -- Yeah. +Yeah. If you come to Hawaii -- +If you come to Hawaii -- Yeah, I don't know, we'll see about that. +Yeah, I don't know, we'll see about that. You don't think you'll go -- +You don't think you'll go -- I don't know. +I don't know. Ok. Well call me when you get back, I mean, I'll call you when I get back. I'll be back for three weeks and then I go away for a month after that. So maybe in that time.... +Ok. Well call me when you get back, I mean, I'll call you when I get back. I'll be back for three weeks and then I go away for a month after that. So maybe in that time.... Ok. Have a good trip. +This is Barry. This is Lena. +This is Lena. Hi. +Hi. I just wanted you to know, wherever you're going or whatever you're doing right now I want you to know that I wanted to kiss you just then. +I just wanted you to know, wherever you're going or whatever you're doing right now I want you to know that I wanted to kiss you just then. Really? +Really? Yeah. +Yeah. So what do I do then? +That was good. Yeah. +Yeah. I'll see you later. +I'll see you later. Ok. +Ok. I don't freak out very often. +I don't freak out very often. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I don't, no matter what my sisters say, ok? +I don't, no matter what my sisters say, ok? ...I don't know what you mean.... +...I don't know what you mean.... I don't freak out. +I don't freak out. Ok. +Ok. Have a good trip. +Have a good trip. Thank you. +Hello? Lena? +Lena? Yeah? +Yeah? It's Barry. +It's Barry. HI. WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU HERE? +HI. WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU HERE? Yes. +Yes. OH WOW. YEAH. THAT'S GREAT. YOU CAME, YOU CAME. What are you doing? +OH WOW. YEAH. THAT'S GREAT. YOU CAME, YOU CAME. What are you doing? I'm calling you, I'm standing in my hotel room, I came because I have my business trip -- +I'm calling you, I'm standing in my hotel room, I came because I have my business trip -- Well let's do something do you want to do something, can you meet me? +Well let's do something do you want to do something, can you meet me? You don't have a boyfriend or anything do you? +You don't have a boyfriend or anything do you? No. What do you mean? BARRY I just wanted to know. When was the last time you had a boyfriend? +No. What do you mean? BARRY I just wanted to know. When was the last time you had a boyfriend? About six months ago. Why? +About six months ago. Why? I just wanted to make sure. +I just wanted to make sure. When was the last time you had a girlfriend? +When was the last time you had a girlfriend? Where you married? +Where you married? yeah. +yeah. Ok. So you were married for how long? +Ok. So you were married for how long? Do you want to meet me and talk about this stuff? +Do you want to meet me and talk about this stuff? Ok. Where are you from originally? +You got me out of my hotel room. You came and got me out of my room. Yeah......yeah..... +Yeah......yeah..... It's so nice. +It's so nice. This really looks like Hawaii here. +Do you wanna have sex? Yeah. +Oh my god, you are so adorable. I just....god dammit. What's that? What is that that you're doing? +What's that? What is that that you're doing? I just...your face is so adorable and your cheek and your skin, I wanna bite it....I wanna bite your cheek and chew on it....god damn cute....fuck.... +I just...your face is so adorable and your cheek and your skin, I wanna bite it....I wanna bite your cheek and chew on it....god damn cute....fuck.... I know what you mean, I know what you mean, I get this feeling -- +I know what you mean, I know what you mean, I get this feeling -- ...what...? +...what...? IIIIIIIIIII don't want to hurt anything ever, but what I'm talking about is -- have you ever held a little puppy or a little kitten and it's just the cutest, softest, most precious thing in the world and out of the blue you get this feeling in your gut and all you wanna do is squeeze it. Just fuckin squeeze the shit out of it. To take a little puppy and smash its skull...just so precious, so beautiful. Just so god damn wonderful and cute you wanna smack it and kick it and love it. Fuck. I don't know. I don't know. And you, you.....I'm looking at you and I just....your face is so beautiful I just wanna smash it, just smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it...you're so pretty. +I know. I know. I know. I just wanna chew your face and scoop out your beautiful, beautiful eyes with an ice cream scooper and eat 'em and chew 'em and suck on 'em. Fuck. This is funny. +This is funny. Yeah. +Yeah. This is nice. +Where do you have to go? For what? +For what? For work..... +For work..... I don't have any business here. I came here for you, I didn't have any business. +How many times have you been on an airplane? I think maybe over a hundred. +I think maybe over a hundred. That's right you travel so much. +That's right you travel so much. Yeah. +I forgot about that. Can I come home with you when we get there? +Can I come home with you when we get there? Yeah. +Yeah. It's ok to ask that. +It's ok to ask that. I thought that you were anyway. +Are you ok? I'm fine are you ok? +I'm fine are you ok? Yes I'm sorry. +Yes I'm sorry. What is this? +What is this? Let's go to the hospital. +Lena I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I left you at the hospital..... I called a phone sex line. I called a phone sex line before I met you and then these four blond brothers came after me and you got hurt and I'm sorry -- and I had to leave because I don't want you to get hurt again and now I'm here and I'm back and I have a lot of pudding that I can redeem in six to eight weeks and if you give me that much time I can get enough miles to fly with you wherever you have to go if you have to travel for your job because I don't want to be anywhere without you.....can you please let me redeem the mileage? You left me at the hospital. +You left me at the hospital. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. You can't do that. +You can't do that. Ok. +Ok. If you give me six to eight weeks I can redeem the mileage and then I can with you wherever you have to travel...... +If you give me six to eight weeks I can redeem the mileage and then I can with you wherever you have to travel...... So here we go. +....I'm not exactly sure what that means... If they break or something. What is it, plastic? +If they break or something. What is it, plastic? It's a plastic, yeah. +It's a plastic, yeah. Right. Alright, lemme call you first thing tomorrow, I'm gonna run the numbers, see what's what and I'll give you a call back -- +Right. Alright, lemme call you first thing tomorrow, I'm gonna run the numbers, see what's what and I'll give you a call back -- Did you have my home phone number? +Did you have my home phone number? For what? +For what? If you wanted to call me back I could... +If you wanted to call me back I could... I'm fine, I have your work number. +I'm fine, I have your work number. Ok...because of the time difference if you needed to call me early? +Ok...because of the time difference if you needed to call me early? It's fine. I can just get you at your office. +It's fine. I can just get you at your office. Ok. +Ok. Ok, bye, bye. +Ok, bye, bye. Bye. +Why? Just have you for one second, please. +Yeah. Did you do it? +Did you do it? No. +No. You didn't just smash up the bathroom? +You didn't just smash up the bathroom? No. +No. Well who did? +Well who did? I don't know. +I don't know. You're hand is bleeding. +You're hand is bleeding. I cut myself. +I cut myself. How? +How? On my knife. +On my knife. Sir, a young man saw you coming out of the bathroom. +Sir, a young man saw you coming out of the bathroom. I didn't do that. +I didn't do that. Why? ...what? +Why? ...what? Your hand is bleeding. +Your hand is bleeding. I know. +I know. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. +I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Why? +Why? Sir, I have no way of proving that you demolished the bathroom -- +Sir, I have no way of proving that you demolished the bathroom -- I didn't do it. +I didn't do it. Alright, well you're gonna have to leave. You're gonna have to go. +Alright, well you're gonna have to leave. You're gonna have to go. Yeah, but I didn't do anything. +Yeah, but I didn't do anything. I'm gonna call the police then, sir. +I'm gonna call the police then, sir. Please don't do this to me. +Please don't do this to me. The police are on their way. +The police are on their way. Sorry. +Can I pay you here? Can I pay you for our drinks and salad? That's fine. +Hi, this is Janice The Operator, who's this? Hello, how are you? +Hello, how are you? Hi, is this your first time calling? +Hi, is this your first time calling? Yes it is. +Yes it is. Can I have your credit card number, followed by the expiration date? +Can I have your credit card number, followed by the expiration date? Can I ask how much is this? +Can I ask how much is this? -- it's $2.99 per minute for the first half hour and $1.99 per minute after that. +-- it's $2.99 per minute for the first half hour and $1.99 per minute after that. ......and this is confidential? +......and this is confidential? What do you mean? +What do you mean? It's....confidential, the call, my information is private. +It's....confidential, the call, my information is private. Of course. Would you like to talk to a girl? I can connect you with a beautiful girl if I can just get your credit card number followed by the expiration date? +Of course. Would you like to talk to a girl? I can connect you with a beautiful girl if I can just get your credit card number followed by the expiration date? ...3407 2627 3444 8095 expiration 05/04. +...3407 2627 3444 8095 expiration 05/04. And your billing address and the name as it appears on the card? +And your billing address and the name as it appears on the card? .....1274 Moorpark. Sherman Oaks, California. #4. 91403. +.....1274 Moorpark. Sherman Oaks, California. #4. 91403. And your name? +And your name? Barry Egan. +Barry Egan. And your Social Security number. +And your Social Security number. What's that for? +What's that for? It's just for verification through the credit card company. +It's just for verification through the credit card company. -- and this is confidential? +-- and this is confidential? Of course, it's just for us to verify your credit card information. It's completely confidential and it appears on your credit card billing statement as D&D Mattress Man. +Of course, it's just for us to verify your credit card information. It's completely confidential and it appears on your credit card billing statement as D&D Mattress Man. 337.....I'm sorry.... +337.....I'm sorry.... It's ok, take your time. +It's ok, take your time. 337-09-9876. But I don't want anyone to know my name. +337-09-9876. But I don't want anyone to know my name. No one will know your name. +No one will know your name. Can you say that my name is Jack? +Can you say that my name is Jack? You want her to call you Jack? +You want her to call you Jack? I just don't want anyone to know it's me. +I just don't want anyone to know it's me. That's fine. Can I have a telephone number, area code first on where we can call you back? +That's fine. Can I have a telephone number, area code first on where we can call you back? No I just....I don't want to, I just want to be connected to talk to a girl. +No I just....I don't want to, I just want to be connected to talk to a girl. It's a call back service -- a girl will call you back. +It's a call back service -- a girl will call you back. I thought I was just gonna be connected to talk to a girl - that's fine, ok, I'm sorry, it's, um.....818.... +Who is this? Hello, my name is Barry Egan and I called your service -- +Hello, my name is Barry Egan and I called your service -- Why don't you shut the fuck up? +Why don't you shut the fuck up? What? +What? I said calm down and shut the fuck up. What's your problem? +I said calm down and shut the fuck up. What's your problem? I haven't even told you what's happened. Your girl that you have that works there for you threatened me and two men just chased me -- extorted money -- DEAN Go fuck yourself that shit doesn't have anything to do with me - this is a legitimate bossiness. +I haven't even told you what's happened. Your girl that you have that works there for you threatened me and two men just chased me -- extorted money -- DEAN Go fuck yourself that shit doesn't have anything to do with me - this is a legitimate bossiness. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. MY LOVE WAS HURT, SHE GOT HURT. I AM IN LOVE WITH HER AND YOU HURT YOU AND YOU ARE GONNA FUCKING GET HURT. YOU DON'T TOUCH HER, I LOVE HER. +YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. MY LOVE WAS HURT, SHE GOT HURT. I AM IN LOVE WITH HER AND YOU HURT YOU AND YOU ARE GONNA FUCKING GET HURT. YOU DON'T TOUCH HER, I LOVE HER. CALM DOWN SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CALM DOWN SHUT SHUT SHUT UP SHUT UP -- +Now are you threatening me, dick? You are bad. You are a bad person. you are a bad person and you have no right to take people's confidence in your service -- +You are bad. You are a bad person. you are a bad person and you have no right to take people's confidence in your service -- You better watch your mouth, cunt, you're gonna get hurt. +You better watch your mouth, cunt, you're gonna get hurt. NO. NO. DON'T YOU SAY THAT. +NO. NO. DON'T YOU SAY THAT. I'll say whatever I want -- +I'll say whatever I want -- YOU FUCK OFF. YOU FUCK OFF AND DIE I WILL HURT YOU FOR HURTING HER. YOU HURT HER. +YOU FUCK OFF. YOU FUCK OFF AND DIE I WILL HURT YOU FOR HURTING HER. YOU HURT HER. You just told me to fuck off. That wasn't good. You're dead. +I'm a nice and reasonable man. I didn't do anything wrong. Please don't make me hurt you. And I'm telling you: that if you ever hurt me or if you hurt someone that I love.....I will hurt you many, many, many times over.....because it's not right to take people's trust. You came all the way from Los Angeles to tell me that? +You came all the way from Los Angeles to tell me that? Yes I did. +Can we agree that that is that? That's that. +That's that. Thank you. +You do guaranteed sale? etc. We back our plungers 100% and we do ask for a 30 to 60 day display on the floor..... +Yes.....we do ask for....30 to 60 days.... I think you have a call? +Sorry about that. I didn't know you had a sister? +I didn't know you had a sister? .....Well yes I do.... But one more thing I wanted to tell you guys about the new plungers is that we're making the handles now in a non-breakable material called..... +How many sisters do you have? ....I have seven. +How you doin' Barry? Hi Walter. +Hi Walter. How's business? +How's business? Business is very food, thanks. ELIZABETH What's very food? +Yeah. That was weird. I meant good. +That was weird. I meant good. Maybe you said that because you're hungry..... +What's up? Well I'm sorry. Before... +Well I'm sorry. Before... Mhm. +Mhm. And I'm sorry that I did that. +And I'm sorry that I did that. It's alright. +It's alright. I wanted to ask you because you're a doctor, right? +I wanted to ask you because you're a doctor, right? Yeah. +Yeah. I don't like the way I am sometimes. Can you help me? WALTER Barry, I'm a dentist, what kind of help do you think I can give you? +I don't like the way I am sometimes. Can you help me? WALTER Barry, I'm a dentist, what kind of help do you think I can give you? I know that. Maybe you know other doctors? +I know that. Maybe you know other doctors? Like a psychiatrist? +Like a psychiatrist? I don't have anyone to talk to things about and I understand it's confidential with a doctor - I'm embarrassed about that and I don't want my sisters to know? +I don't have anyone to talk to things about and I understand it's confidential with a doctor - I'm embarrassed about that and I don't want my sisters to know? You want a number for a psychiatrist, I can get you one, that's not a problem. but what exactly is wrong? +You want a number for a psychiatrist, I can get you one, that's not a problem. but what exactly is wrong? I don't know if there's anything wrong with me because I don't know how other people are.....Sometimes I cry a lot.....for no reason. +This is Janice the operator, who's this? My name is Barry Egan and I spoke to you....you called me, you remember? +...no....I don't....I don't remember you. Who's this? That's not true. That's not true at all. You said that your name was Georgia and you said our conversation was confidential and I trusted you and you kept calling and asking me for money, c'mon now I want to talk to your owner, your supervisor, whoever runs this, you understand. Please connect me now. +That's not true. That's not true at all. You said that your name was Georgia and you said our conversation was confidential and I trusted you and you kept calling and asking me for money, c'mon now I want to talk to your owner, your supervisor, whoever runs this, you understand. Please connect me now. Can you hang on a second? +Ok, sir....I'm gonna put you through to my supervisor. Fine, thank you. +Fine, thank you. Ok. You're connected. +No, no, no, no, no. What do you mean? It doesn't state anywhere about six to eight weeks. It takes that much time to process the order and make sure it's valid -- +It takes that much time to process the order and make sure it's valid -- I had this whole thing in my head, I was gonna be able to get this to you today -- I have to leave today -- +I had this whole thing in my head, I was gonna be able to get this to you today -- I have to leave today -- I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. How am I supposed to know what to do if you don't say it -- if it's not in your rules and regulations in your fine print how am I supposed to know how to be with this -- +How am I supposed to know what to do if you don't say it -- if it's not in your rules and regulations in your fine print how am I supposed to know how to be with this -- It takes time to process -- +It takes time to process -- No, no, no, no, nO, NO, NO! +Hey, good morning, Barry. Hey...Lance....can I..... +Hey...Lance....can I..... You ok? +You ok? Yes I'm fine. +Yes I'm fine. Why you wearin' a suit? +Why you wearin' a suit? Um....I bought one. I thought maybe it would be nice to get dressed for work, can I show you something? +Um....I bought one. I thought maybe it would be nice to get dressed for work, can I show you something? Yeah.....you got here early huh? +Yeah.....you got here early huh? ....yes..... +What is this? I don't know. I think it's a piano....a small piano. +I don't know. I think it's a piano....a small piano. That's not a piano.....I have a piano at home.....where'd you get it? +Why is it here? Barry....Barry? ...it just....I don't know....I don't know. +Good morning, Barry.... Hi, Lance. +Hi, Lance. What's with all this pudding, what is this? +That's part of a very interesting airline promotion giveaway that's really tremendous. I'm going to start a collection of pudding and coupons that can be redeemed for frequent flyer miles through Healthy Choice and American Airlines -- You're goin' on a trip? +You're goin' on a trip? No.........but airline miles are just like a currency these days. +No.........but airline miles are just like a currency these days. You should go on a trip. +You should go on a trip. No thanks. +No thanks. So what should I do with the pudding? +So what should I do with the pudding? Let's just leave it there for now. +It's not a piano. LANCE! LANCE! MAKE SURE THAT YOU CALL THAT GUY IN TOLEDO. WHICH? +WHICH? ...I'll tell you later. +Which guy in Toledo are you talking about? I'll tell you...the guy...with...just talk to me later about it, ok? +I'll tell you...the guy...with...just talk to me later about it, ok? You talkin' to me about Ramada Inn? +You talkin' to me about Ramada Inn? I have to talk to you in a second about that, Lance, ok? +What's up? I think I got in trouble. A little bit of trouble.... +I think I got in trouble. A little bit of trouble.... What happened? +What happened? ....I made a call..... ....and, uh.... +Ok. Well. I'm gonna go out of town. I'm going to go out of town just for two days... Where you goin? +Where you goin? I'm going to go to Hawaii but you can't tell my sisters that. +I'm going to go to Hawaii but you can't tell my sisters that. Wow, you're goin' to Hawaii, that's great -- you're goin -- ? +Wow, you're goin' to Hawaii, that's great -- you're goin -- ? Yeah but you can't tell my sisters that. +Yeah but you can't tell my sisters that. Ok. +Ok. Alright: And I have to go and buy some more pudding for this trip to Hawaii and as I just said that out loud I'm realizing it sounds a little strange but it's not. So can you come and help me out? +Alright: And I have to go and buy some more pudding for this trip to Hawaii and as I just said that out loud I'm realizing it sounds a little strange but it's not. So can you come and help me out? Ok. +You know you can get places in the world with pudding. That's funny. Yeah. +Yeah. That's funny. +....now: this pudding? Yeah. +Yeah. Let's just figure that out later -- Ok. I gotta go. I'm just gonna go now and I'll call you from there, you're in charge 'till I get back. And don't tell my sisters anything? He exits. +Where you been? Well I had to go to Utah...but now I'm here and I'll be right back. +Hey. Hi. +Hi. I need to talk to you for a second. +I need to talk to you for a second. What? +What? You gotta give me some money. +You made a phone call and you said you'd help a girl out and then you didn't....I'm here to get the money. Wait a minute -- +Wait a minute -- No, no, no, no c'mon man, don't make it a thing -- +No, no, no, no c'mon man, don't make it a thing -- Please don't do this. +Please don't do this. It's just you need to give me the money...do you have it right now? +Whoa...whoa...wait, wait -- don't please.... How much money do you have in your pockets? +How much money do you have in your pockets? Just take it, take the money in my pockets, take it, it's fine -- +It's three hundred and twenty dollars, just take it. What do you have in the house? +What do you have in the house? Nothing....I mean, really...change, nothing....that's the cash I have.... +Nothing....I mean, really...change, nothing....that's the cash I have.... You have an ATM? +You have an ATM? Yes. +Yes. Is this where you live? +Is this where you live? Yes. +Yes. You have another house somewhere or something? +You have another house somewhere or something? No. +HEY. You made a fucking sex call and now you're gonna pay. It's not a big thing -- just give us some money and then it's over -- we'll just walk down to the ATM and get your money out -- Alright, alright. +Ok. This is what you get when you're a pervert -- you said you'd help someone out and you didn't so we're just getting some money for her and that's that. You know, please, I just wanna say that I didn't say I would help her out; I was very clear about it....I don't think that this is fair.....wait, wait, wait, ouch, ouch..... +They need to be scanned individually. They each have a bar code, so I need it scanned individually so that each and every cup appears on the receipt... What is this, man? +What is this, man? I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Are you serious with this? +Are you serious with this? Yes. Sorry. +Yes. Sorry. Well....what do you want, then? +Well....what do you want, then? Each pudding cup has to be scanned individually so that...it's for a giveaway...a product giveaway by this company... +Each pudding cup has to be scanned individually so that...it's for a giveaway...a product giveaway by this company... This is a bunch of bullshit. +This is a bunch of bullshit. I'm sorry, I know. I know that it's.... +This is Barry. What are you doing? +What are you doing? Hi, Kathleen, I'm just working. +Hi, Kathleen, I'm just working. Are you going to the party tonight? +Are you going to the party tonight? Yes I am. +Yes I am. What are you doing? +What are you doing? Nothing. +Nothing. Right now, you're doing nothing? +Right now, you're doing nothing? I'm just talking on the phone to you and standing. +I'm just talking on the phone to you and standing. What time are you gonna be there? +What time are you gonna be there? Seven o'clock. +Seven o'clock. You can't be late. +You can't be late. I won't. +I won't. I'm serious. +I'm serious. I know. +I know. Seriously. +Seriously. Ok. +Ok. You can't be late though. +You can't be late though. I know. +I know. You can't just not show up like you do, you have to go. +You can't just not show up like you do, you have to go. I know. +I know. Seriously. +Seriously. I know. +I know. You can't just stay in your house. +You can't just stay in your house. I know. +I know. Yeah but I'm serious. +Yeah but I'm serious. Ok. +Ok. I'll see you there. +I'll see you there. I'll see you there. +I'll see you there. Don't puss out. +Don't puss out. I won't. +I don't really remember that. Yes you do. We were calling you Gay Boy and you got so mad.... +Yes you do. We were calling you Gay Boy and you got so mad.... Yes, yes, right. +That's cool. When can you leave? +When can you leave? As soon as you want. +As soon as you want. I want you to go right away, I think that's best. I also need you to check out a car for me down there that this guy is selling. +Your expenses are your own. I thought Latisha said you would -- +I thought Latisha said you would -- -- she didn't know what she was talking about -- +-- she didn't know what she was talking about -- It's....whatever....that's not cool. +It's....whatever....that's not cool. David, Don't. Just. Seriously. It doesn't make sense if you think about it in a fair deal like sense. Ok? It's business. Seriously. One hundred dollars for two days work is a lot more than your family is making sitting around your house. I'm serious now. Ok. Please. Now. Just stop. +This is this place called Ace Vintage, you gotta find it, I don't know exactly where this is and I don't understand these maps so just go there and check it out. It's a '61 AC Cobra that this old guy says is fine, but I need to figure out why he's only asking 23 for it. So take a look, the whole thing, call me about that, if it seems alright then I'll head down there and check it out. Ok. +Ok. That's it. +That's it. Can we maybe ask for more money on this? +So they'll go. I'm only paying two of you guys. +...keys for the track. You have to gas it up and save the receipts on that. His address. We have a business address too if you need that -- but hit him at his house first, see what this little bad boy is all about and shake him up -- give him a little doe-see-doe -- Uch. Shut up, Dean. +Uch. Shut up, Dean. What's the problem? +What's the problem? "You don't need to talk all macho, ""shake him out, little bad boy."" Whatever -- you're not an action hero, tough guy, you're not a gangster --" +Hello? Hey, it's me. This guy from L.A., Barry Egan is calling on the other line and saying all this stuff, he wants to talk to a supervisor or whatever -- +Hey, it's me. This guy from L.A., Barry Egan is calling on the other line and saying all this stuff, he wants to talk to a supervisor or whatever -- What did you say? +What did you say? Nothing. +Nothing. Put him through. +Put him through. No, no. This is bad, something might have happened, we should just -- +No, no. This is bad, something might have happened, we should just -- Shut up, just put him on the phone, it doesn't matter, just shut up -- +He's wearing a suit again, I don't know why he's wearing a suit, he doesn't usually dress like that -- It's fine. +It's ok. That's alright. Are you learning how to play the piano? What is that? +I'll go pay for my car. Are you sure? +Are you sure? Yeah. +Yeah. He's being weird, I'm sorry. I have no idea why he's being weird and dressed in a suit -- +He's being weird, I'm sorry. I have no idea why he's being weird and dressed in a suit -- It's not bad, it's ok. +It's not bad, it's ok. -- he's so strange I don't know if you really even would want to go out with him, someone like him, I said I'd try, but it's just -- +-- he's so strange I don't know if you really even would want to go out with him, someone like him, I said I'd try, but it's just -- It's ok, it's alright. I'll come right back, I'll just go pay for my car. +It's ok, it's alright. I'll come right back, I'll just go pay for my car. Sorry. +We should be going -- Yeah, no, I have to get something from my car, I said. +I can't find that thing in my car, I can't find it so I'll just get it and give it to you later. So? You ready? +You ready? Are you coming to eat with us? +Are you ready? Will you call me later to talk about asking Walter for the shrink? And we can talk about - he said you have this crying problem or something? +Will you call me later to talk about asking Walter for the shrink? And we can talk about - he said you have this crying problem or something? Bye, Barry. +So I'll meet you at the restaraunt? Ok. +They need to see the new 484's to make sure it works with their OC.... Ok. What should I do about Eric? +Ok. What should I do about Eric? Just tell him to call me. +Just tell him to call me. Ok. +Ok. So...did my brother call you? +So...did my brother call you? No. +No. I have no idea what he's doing then. I'm sorry that didn't work out. +I have no idea what he's doing then. I'm sorry that didn't work out. It's fine. +It's fine. You wouldn't want to go out with him anyway, honestly, he's such a freak sometimes. +You wouldn't want to go out with him anyway, honestly, he's such a freak sometimes. He did seem a little strange. +He did seem a little strange. Well...he's not that strange, don't say that. +Well...he's not that strange, don't say that. I'm sorry. You're right. +I'm sorry. You're right. I think he's weird, but that's me. +I think he's weird, but that's me. Should I call you later? +Should I call you later? I'll just see you when you get back here. +I'll just see you when you get back here. Ok. +Welcome to Charenton, Abbe du Maupas. I'm pleased to have the new post, sir. +I'm pleased to have the new post, sir. I'm afraid that our endowment has shrivelled to a mere pittance; we're the laughing stock of all France. But -- on a happier note -- +-- and the listless ones do the binding. It's remarkable, Doctor. The patients are so subdued; so docile. +It's remarkable, Doctor. The patients are so subdued; so docile. They've the satisfaction only a hard day's labor can provide. +I don't believe it. The Marquis de Sade? You're actually publishing his novels? Ever since his unfortunate death, there's been a surge of interest in his work. I'll use the profits to restore Charenton to her former glory. +Of course, everything's not as harmonious as it seems. I hope you've a strong constitution. My years tending the lepers at St. Emilion steeled me for life's grisliest offerings, Doctor. +My years tending the lepers at St. Emilion steeled me for life's grisliest offerings, Doctor. We've still a few lone incurables. Prone to violence, to perversion. +"""And so the Professor lifted Colombe's skirt high, above her waist. 'Let me be your Tutor,' said he, 'in the ways of love.' With that, he slid her pantalettes down, down, down over her knees, and there -- nestled between her legs -- as pink as a tulip, as slick as an eel --""" We oughtn't be reading his nasty stories -- +We oughtn't be reading his nasty stories -- No one's forcing you to listen. +You've been to his quarters, haven't you? Once or twice. +Once or twice. I hear he's got a whetstone and chisel, and he uses them to sharpen his teeth. +I hear he's got a whetstone and chisel, and he uses them to sharpen his teeth. He's a writer, not a madman. +He's a writer, not a madman. Then what's he doing here? +If you're going to slander him, then you don't deserve to hear his stories -- I think she's sweet on him, that's what I think. +Marquis? Is that you? For fuck's sake, who else would it be? The witching hour's arrived; you've alerted the others, yes? +For fuck's sake, who else would it be? The witching hour's arrived; you've alerted the others, yes? I'm no longer a man! I awoke to discover I'd turned into a sparrow! +Yes, well, I awoke to discover I'd turned into a cat. If you don't do as I say, I'll sink my little fangs into your drumsticks, and suck the marrow straight out of your bones. At your service, Count. +At your service, Count. Now give the signal. +"""One day, Fanchon's first client was a surgeon. He ran his fingers across her naked skin, pulling apart folds of flesh, inspecting each and every follicle...""" """One day, Fanchon was visited by a surgeon. He ran his fingers across her naked skin, pulling apart folds of flesh, inspecting follicles...""" +"""With that, Fanchon expelled a scream so extravagantly pitched, that the surgeon was obliged to tear out her tongue --""" """With that, Fanchon expelled a scream so extravagantly pitched, that the surgeon was obliged to tear out her tongue --""" +"""To seal the wound, he took a poker from the fire --""" """...a poker... he took a poker from the fire...""" +Then how can we know who is truly good, and who is evil? We can't. All we can do is guard against our own corruption. +Madeleine -- Yes, Abbe? +Yes, Abbe? The next time you feel the urge to visit the Marquis, I hope you'll come to confession instead. +Has he hurt you? His stinking breath caused my eyes to run, that's all. +I was wrong to free him, but so are you -- for taking all his treasures -- his quills and his ink -- Not now, or we're both done for. +Had I known your taste in novels, I never would've taught you to read. Don't say that; reading's my salvation. +Don't say that; reading's my salvation. But why must you indulge in his pornography? +But why must you indulge in his pornography? It's a hard day's wages, slaving away for madmen. What I've seen in life, it takes a lot to hold my interest. +Ow! But why heap such ghastly fantasies atop an already ghastly existence? +But why heap such ghastly fantasies atop an already ghastly existence? I put myself in his stories. I play the parts. Each strumpet, each murderess. +I put myself in his stories. I play the parts. Each strumpet, each murderess. Why not act the role of heroines instead? Queen Esther from the Bible, or St. Joan? +Why not act the role of heroines instead? Queen Esther from the Bible, or St. Joan? If I wasn't such a bad woman on the page, Abbe, I'll hazard I couldn't be such a good woman in life. +In part, yes. He's not the man who's cast a shadow here. +The Doctor's a respected man, a friend of the court -- I haven't been to see the Marquis for ages. And I won't -- ever again -- I swear it. I won't speak to him, I won't even utter his name -- +I haven't been to see the Marquis for ages. And I won't -- ever again -- I swear it. I won't speak to him, I won't even utter his name -- Is that a promise you can truly keep? +Charenton has changed; it's not safe for you here. I've you to look after me, haven't I? +Don't turn us out, Abbe. """Turn you out?""" +It's a sin against God for me to refuse your kindness. But my heart's held fast here... By whom? The Marquis? +By whom? The Marquis? Mother's not half so blind as you. +Madeleine, I... there are certain things... feelings... we must not voice. Why not? +Why not? They incite us to act. In ways we should not... cannot... a lesson the Marquis would do well to learn. +Go back to your room. Quickly. What? What've I done? +What? What've I done? Don't come back, not tonight, not again -- +Don't come back, not tonight, not again -- You'll hate me now, won't you? +If you'd grant me a final favor, I'd like the chance to explain myself -- Don't come any closer, Abbe. God's watching. +They've got no right, sending someone to sit on your shoulder. I work for you; I won't take orders from a stranger. You needn't worry, Valcour. It's administrative, nothing more. +Free his mouth. Mustn't do that, sir. +Mustn't do that, sir. I must grant him his last rites. +I must grant him his last rites. I don't take my orders from you; not anymore. +I don't take my orders from you; not anymore. You'd deny a dying man his salvation? +Care for a splash of wine, Abbe? It's not even noon -- +It's not even noon -- Conversation, like certain portions of the anatomy, always runs more smoothly when it's lubricated. +I should've told you it was the blood of Christ; you'd believe that, wouldn't you? We treat you well enough here, don't we Marquis? Your very own featherbed, in lieu of a straw mat. Your antique writing desk, all the way from LaCoste. Enough quills to feather an ostrich -- +We treat you well enough here, don't we Marquis? Your very own featherbed, in lieu of a straw mat. Your antique writing desk, all the way from LaCoste. Enough quills to feather an ostrich -- It's true, dear-heart, you've spoiled me pink. +It's true, dear-heart, you've spoiled me pink. In exchange, we ask only that you follow the rules. Now you know as well as I do... you're not to entertain visitors in your quarters. +In exchange, we ask only that you follow the rules. Now you know as well as I do... you're not to entertain visitors in your quarters. I'm entertaining you now, aren't I? +I'm entertaining you now, aren't I? I'm not a beautiful young prospect, ripe for corruption. +I'm not a beautiful young prospect, ripe for corruption. Don't be so sure. +Take your pen in hand, Marquis. Purge these wicked thoughts of yours on paper; maybe they'll govern you less in life. I'll fill page after page, I promise. +Yes! It is! The paper's cheap, the type's too small -- What did you do? Bribe one of the guards? +What did you do? Bribe one of the guards? But you implored me to write! For curative purposes, to stave off my madness -- +But you implored me to write! For curative purposes, to stave off my madness -- But you've no right to publish! Behind my back, without my sanction! +But you've no right to publish! Behind my back, without my sanction! Have you truly read the book in question? Or did you run -- straightaway -- to the dog-eared pages? +Have you truly read the book in question? Or did you run -- straightaway -- to the dog-eared pages? Enough to discern its tenor. +Enough to discern its tenor. And --? +And --? "It's not even a proper novel! It's nothing but an encyclopedia of perversions! Frankly, it even fails as an exercise in craft. The characters are wooden; the dialogue is inane. Not to mention the endless repetition of words like ""nipple"" and ""pikestaff"" --" +"It's not even a proper novel! It's nothing but an encyclopedia of perversions! Frankly, it even fails as an exercise in craft. The characters are wooden; the dialogue is inane. Not to mention the endless repetition of words like ""nipple"" and ""pikestaff"" --" There I was taxed; it's true. +There I was taxed; it's true. And such puny scope! Nothing but the very worst in man's nature! +And such puny scope! Nothing but the very worst in man's nature! I write of the great, eternal truths that bind together all mankind! The whole world over, we eat, we shit, we fuck, we kill and we die. +I write of the great, eternal truths that bind together all mankind! The whole world over, we eat, we shit, we fuck, we kill and we die. But we also fall in love; we build cities, we compose symphonies, and we endure. Why not put that in your books as well? +But we also fall in love; we build cities, we compose symphonies, and we endure. Why not put that in your books as well? It's a fiction, not a moral treatise. +It's a fiction, not a moral treatise. But isn't that the duty of art? To elevate us above the beast? +But isn't that the duty of art? To elevate us above the beast? I thought that was your duty, Abbe, not mine. +I thought that was your duty, Abbe, not mine. One more trick like this, and I'll be forced to revoke all your liberties! +One more trick like this, and I'll be forced to revoke all your liberties! It's that Doctor fellow, isn't it? He's come to usurp your place here, hasn't he? +It's that Doctor fellow, isn't it? He's come to usurp your place here, hasn't he? More than your writing's at stake. The Ministry has threatened us with closure. +More than your writing's at stake. The Ministry has threatened us with closure. They can't be serious. +They can't be serious. Our future lies in the stroke of your pen. +Our future lies in the stroke of your pen. Mightier than the sword indeed. +Mightier than the sword indeed. Put yourself in my place. I've your fellow patients to consider. If Charenton falls, they've no place to go. No manner in which to clothe or feed themselves -- +Put yourself in my place. I've your fellow patients to consider. If Charenton falls, they've no place to go. No manner in which to clothe or feed themselves -- Fuck 'em! They're half-wits and pinheads. Let 'em die on the streets, as Nature intended. +Fuck 'em! They're half-wits and pinheads. Let 'em die on the streets, as Nature intended. You among them? +You've a touch of the poet, too; perhaps you should take up the quill. Do I have your word? +If you only mean to dupe me again -- Honestly! You cut me to the core! What's the point of all your valiant attempts at rehabilitation if -- when I finally succumb -- when at long last, I pledge myself to righteous conduct -- you regard me with nothing but suspicion? Have you no faith in your own medicine? +You mean to take us all down with you? Don't be absurd; it's only a play. +He can't do that to me. How can one man possibly be so selfish? +How can one man possibly be so selfish? We held a mirror up to the Doctor, and -- apparently -- he didn't like what he saw. +What the devil -- If you won't be true to your word, then you've left me no choice. +Perhaps -- in time -- you'll earn them back through good behavior -- You can't --! You mustn't --! I've all the demons of hell in my head; my only salvation is to vent them on paper -- +You can't --! You mustn't --! I've all the demons of hell in my head; my only salvation is to vent them on paper -- Try reading, for a change. The writer who produces more than he reads? The sure mark of an amateur. +Start with the Bible; it's cheerier, and more artfully written. That monstrous God of yours? He strung up his very own son like a side of veal; I shudder to think what He'd do to me. +That monstrous God of yours? He strung up his very own son like a side of veal; I shudder to think what He'd do to me. You know what sacrilege is, don't you? The last refuge of the failed provocateur. +I'll die of loneliness! I've no company but the characters I create -- Whores and pederasts? You're better off without them. +I have a proposition. You always do. +You always do. Madeleine. She's besotted with me; she'd do anything I ask. She could pay you a midnight visit -- +Madeleine. She's besotted with me; she'd do anything I ask. She could pay you a midnight visit -- I don't know who you insult more; her or me. +I don't know who you insult more; her or me. """Part the gates of heaven,"" as it were --" +"""Part the gates of heaven,"" as it were --" That's enough. +That's enough. You're tense, darling. You could use a long, slow screw. +You're tense, darling. You could use a long, slow screw. Good day, Marquis. +Good day, Marquis. THEN BUGGER ME! +My bed, gone! Am I to freeze to death? His rug. +His rug. And my chaise -- am I being denied the privilege of sitting -- of plopping down my ass -- +That's a Turkish weave, you numbskull; it costs more than you'll earn in your lifetime -- Valcour. His chair. +Virgin birth -- ha! An entire religion, built on an oxymoron! Orvolle. His wine. From now on, nothing but water at every meal -- +Orvolle. His wine. From now on, nothing but water at every meal -- -- water! -- +-- water! -- -- and your meat shall be de-boned. +WHY THIS SUDDEN TORTURE? Because your writing continues, unchecked. +I DIDN'T CREATE THIS WORLD OF OURS! I ONLY RECORD IT! Its horrors, perhaps! Its darkest nightmares! And to what end? Nothing but your own morbid gratification -- +Its horrors, perhaps! Its darkest nightmares! And to what end? Nothing but your own morbid gratification -- Morbid gratification? NO! I write what I've seen; the endless procession to the chopping block. We're all lined up at the guillotine, waiting for the crunch of the blade. Rivers of blood are flowing beneath our feet, Abbe. +If it were up to the Doctor, you'd be flayed alive. A man after my own heart... +A man after my own heart... What in God's name am I to do with you? The more I forbid, the more you're provoked! +What in God's name am I to do with you? The more I forbid, the more you're provoked! I could be convinced to abandon my writing, quite voluntarily. +I could be convinced to abandon my writing, quite voluntarily. What on earth would that require? +What on earth would that require? A night spent with the partner of my choice. +A night spent with the partner of my choice. You expect me to pimp Madeleine? +You expect me to pimp Madeleine? I wasn't talking about Madeleine. +OFF WITH YOUR CLOTHES! Coulmier, you animal! +Coulmier, you animal! I DO NOT MEAN TO FLIRT, MARQUIS! +I DO NOT MEAN TO FLIRT, MARQUIS! Oh, but you must, my pumpkin! Sex without flirtation is merely rape! +Oh, but you must, my pumpkin! Sex without flirtation is merely rape! NOW STRIP. +It's a potent aphrodisiac, isn't it? Power over another man. Your wig. Remove your wig. +Oh, I'm to be blamed now, am I? Your words drove Bouchon to -- +Your words drove Bouchon to -- For fuck's sake, Abbe! What am I to do? Police my readers as you police me? Suppose one of your precious wards had attempted to walk on water and drowned? Would you condemn the Bible? I think not! +For fuck's sake, Abbe! What am I to do? Police my readers as you police me? Suppose one of your precious wards had attempted to walk on water and drowned? Would you condemn the Bible? I think not! An innocent child is dead. +An innocent child is dead. So many authors are denied the gratification of a concrete response to their work. I am blessed, am I not? +It's no secret that you loved her. Oh, that's rich -- coming from her lapdog -- +Oh, that's rich -- coming from her lapdog -- I saw the longing in your eye -- +I saw the longing in your eye -- -- that was lust -- +-- that was lust -- -- the passion in your heart -- +Don't confuse one organ with another -- I know, because I felt it myself -- +I know, because I felt it myself -- I WANTED TO FUCK HER, THAT'S ALL! +I WANTED TO FUCK HER, THAT'S ALL! AND DID YOU? +AND DID YOU? IT'S NOT YOUR PROVINCE TO ASK. +IT'S NOT YOUR PROVINCE TO ASK. You're no stranger to rape, Marquis; and yet with her, you cooed. You courted. You begged. +You're no stranger to rape, Marquis; and yet with her, you cooed. You courted. You begged. Go to hell! +Go to hell! Why was it you never took her by force? +Why was it you never took her by force? Who's to say I did not? +Who's to say I did not? Was it impotence? +Was it impotence? NEVER! +NEVER! Then it must've been love -- +I FUCKED HER COUNTLESS TIMES! IN EVERY ORIFICE! AND ALL THE WHILE, SHE PLEAD FOR MORE -- We inspected the body, Marquis. She died a virgin. +I dare you. Stab my flesh. Which one of us will bleed? Tomorrow, we'll cut out your tongue. +Abbe de Coulmier! I'm here. +I'm here. Surely you'll grant me a final word. +Surely you'll grant me a final word. Of course. +Dr. Royer-Collard? May I be the first to welcome you to Charenton -- This may feel a tad awkward, my friend, but it needn't be. I've merely come to oversee your work here; understood? +This may feel a tad awkward, my friend, but it needn't be. I've merely come to oversee your work here; understood? Of course. +Of course. It's a formality; truly. +It's a formality; truly. You're a man of Science; I'm a man of God. Charenton stands to profit from us both, I'm certain. +You're a man of Science; I'm a man of God. Charenton stands to profit from us both, I'm certain. I'll need an office on the grounds; someplace to store my things. +I'll need an office on the grounds; someplace to store my things. If you don't mind my asking... why has the Emperor taken such sudden interest in my... our... affairs? +If you don't mind my asking... why has the Emperor taken such sudden interest in my... our... affairs? It seems a particular patient of yours has captured his fancy. +I understand he practices the very crimes he preaches in his fiction. A few indiscretions in his youth. +Indiscretions, Abbe? Please. I've read his case history. At sixteen, he violated a serving girl with a crucifix. After six months in the dungeon at Vincennes, he mutilated a prostitute, cutting her flesh with a razor, then cauterizing the wounds with wax -- I hope you'll judge him by his progress here, and not his past reputation. +He's made a great success of our Little Theater; there's seldom an empty seat. Not to mention its therapeutic value. Playing dress-up with cretins? That sounds like a symptom of madness; not its cure. +Why is he in your care, and not a proper prison? His wife's influence. +His wife's influence. His wife's? +His wife's? Better to have an insane spouse than a criminal one. +And he's never once attempted escape? A man of his notoriety? He wouldn't last a day on the streets without capture. +Besides, every wholesome thing he might desire, he has at Charenton. A library, filled with the world's great books, music lessons, watercolor exercises -- What is the impact of all these amenities upon his psyche? +What is the impact of all these amenities upon his psyche? He no longer roars or spits. He no longer taunts the guards or molests his fellow wards -- +He no longer roars or spits. He no longer taunts the guards or molests his fellow wards -- And his writing? +Oh. That. Well...? +Well...? It's essential to his recovery; a purgative for the toxins in his mind. +It's essential to his recovery; a purgative for the toxins in his mind. Do you favor its publication? +Do you favor its publication? For sale? To the general public? Certainly not; it's unprintable. +You have to believe me, I had no idea -- All France is aghast at this book, yet you've not heard of it? +All France is aghast at this book, yet you've not heard of it? I've taken vows to live my life within these walls; not outside them. +I've taken vows to live my life within these walls; not outside them. Abbe, I admire you; I do. You've a conviction... an idealism... peculiar to the very young. And so I'll be candid. The Ministry has sent me here with the most explicit... the most severe instructions. +Abbe, I admire you; I do. You've a conviction... an idealism... peculiar to the very young. And so I'll be candid. The Ministry has sent me here with the most explicit... the most severe instructions. Yes? +Unless we set Charenton on a straight and narrow course, she'll be shut down forever by order of the Emperor. Shut down? +Shut down? In their eyes, the Marquis is the surest barometer of your progress here. +In their eyes, the Marquis is the surest barometer of your progress here. But he's one among some two hundred wards -- +But he's one among some two hundred wards -- Have you tried bleeding him with leeches? The calming chair? Maybe you should flog him at the stake? +Have you tried bleeding him with leeches? The calming chair? Maybe you should flog him at the stake? Why? So he'll learn to fear punishment, rather than pursue virtue for its own reward? +Why? So he'll learn to fear punishment, rather than pursue virtue for its own reward? You're a sentimental man. +You're a sentimental man. A practical man, sir. Given the Marquis' unusual tastes, a sound thrashing on bare flesh may not qualify as a deterrent. +A practical man, sir. Given the Marquis' unusual tastes, a sound thrashing on bare flesh may not qualify as a deterrent. You find this amusing, do you? +On the contrary. Let me take up this matter with the Marquis myself -- And place my reputation at stake? +And place my reputation at stake? Charenton is my life's work. To have her wrested from beneath me now -- +Well? I spoke to him with reason and compassion; the tools which serve us best here. +I spoke to him with reason and compassion; the tools which serve us best here. And --? +And --? He's sworn to obedience. +He's more than a patient, Doctor; the Marquis is my friend -- You keep strange company, Abbe. But if you truly have matters in hand here -- +You keep strange company, Abbe. But if you truly have matters in hand here -- I have. +I have. -- then I've friends of my own to visit. +Madame Bougival; Mademoiselle Clairwil -- and of course -- the Marquis' wife -- Oh indeed? +It was fiction, of course. Of course. +Of course. It was not inspired by circumstance. +It was not inspired by circumstance. No. It most certainly was not. +You ought to be ashamed, Abbe. Exploiting those drooling, pathetic cretins for financial gain -- That's not our intent -- +That's not our intent -- -- a veritable freak show for tourists and curiosity seekers. Charenton is a sanatorium; she is not a circus. The theater is henceforth closed. As for your avowed friend -- playwright emeritus of the madhouse -- +I'll do everything in my power -- Do more. Otherwise, I'll be forced to report to the Ministry that the inmates are indeed running the asylum. +You'll get more from her with kindness than you will with force. What could cause a tincture like this? +He'll do no such thing. It's a weak man who tests his mettle on the backs of children -- +It's a weak man who tests his mettle on the backs of children -- This child let loose the beast from its cage -- +This child let loose the beast from its cage -- Madeleine's not wicked. It's the Marquis who's corrupted her. That's not her fault; it's mine. +If only blood will appease you, then shed mine. You'd suffer in her stead? +As you say, Doctor. He was so impressed with the Marquis' tale that he chose to re-enact it, yes? +Perhaps you'll be so kind as to remind me of her name... I beg you, Doctor, don't make me say it. +I beg you, Doctor, don't make me say it. HER NAME, ABBE. +My, my. You have exceeded my expectations. And my own. +And my own. How is the patient faring? +How is the patient faring? Poorly. +Poorly. And you? It must've been an ordeal. +And you? It must've been an ordeal. I'm not the first man God has asked to shed blood in His name. I will not be the last. +I'm not the first man God has asked to shed blood in His name. I will not be the last. Will you sleep soundly tonight? +Will you sleep soundly tonight? No, sir. Plainly put, I never expect to sleep again. +I've stared into the face of evil... ...and I've lived to tell the tale. Now... for your own sake... let me write it down. Gibberish, my friend. He rants and he raves -- +"""As he loosened his manhood from beneath his robes, The Bishop muttered a Latin prayer. And then -- with a mighty thrust -- drove it into her very entrails --""" Enough! +As for the author... shoot him. A word of caution, Sire: we all remember what happened to Robespierre, Danton and Marat. Put the Marquis to death, and history might even regard you as a despot. +A word of caution, Sire: we all remember what happened to Robespierre, Danton and Marat. Put the Marquis to death, and history might even regard you as a despot. But I am history. +But I am history. Of course, Your Highness. Nevertheless... cure the Marquis de Sade... succeed, where countless physicians and priests have failed... +Of course, Your Highness. Nevertheless... cure the Marquis de Sade... succeed, where countless physicians and priests have failed... Yes? +Yes? No one can fault Napoleon for merely bringing a man to his senses. +But here at the Hotel Dieu we favor an... aggressive... course of treatment. Quite. +Quite. I don't seek popularity or renown, Monsieur Delbenè. Mine is a higher mission. +Charenton? The administrator there is quite well-loved, is he not? I'm afraid so; he's an idealist. You'll have to be politic. +I'm afraid so; he's an idealist. You'll have to be politic. "Do you know how I define ""idealism,"" Monsieur Delbenè?" +"His wife was trying to escape; they caught her on the stair, and set upon her with bayonets. ""There but for the grace of God""... eh, Doctor?" I don't shed tears over the past, Monsieur Delbenè; I look to the future. +Here it is; the last chapter. Monsieur Masse says he'd like another manuscript, quick as you please. He's got himself three presses, and he can't print 'em fast enough. +Monsieur Masse says he'd like another manuscript, quick as you please. He's got himself three presses, and he can't print 'em fast enough. I'll pass the word on, then. +I'll pass the word on, then. I'll pay you another visit, with a share of the profits, once its sold. +I'll pay you another visit, with a share of the profits, once its sold. I'll be waiting. +I'll be waiting. Maybe someday you'll tell me your name. +You asked my name once; it's Madeleine. Sweet, then? Like the pastry? +At last she arrives, my hard-won bride! Hurry, my child, and scurry inside. There you'll find such treasures await you; Marzipan and meringue to sate you! Such gallantry in men is -- sadly -- a rarity; How lucky I am to receive his charity! +Quickly, my suckling, out of your clothes! My scepter awaits; how solid it grows! Stop, I beg you! Have pity, I say! You're not my lover; you're a monstrous rouè! +My darling, Eugenie, dainty morsel! Get on your back! Let's try it dorsal! Was ever a man more risquè? He wants to take me every way! +"I'll plunder every lovely pore until you're week and cry ""no more!""" I tremble with fear! You're bound to pound the quivering lips of my Venus mound! +I tremble with fear! You're bound to pound the quivering lips of my Venus mound! And then -- to prove your truly mine -- I'll plunder you, darling, from behind! +And then -- to prove your truly mine -- I'll plunder you, darling, from behind! What of my lips, will you soil them too? When you've broken every other taboo? +What of my lips, will you soil them too? When you've broken every other taboo? I'll fill every slippery hollow; if you're obliging, then you'll swallow! +If you won't read it to your own Mama, then perhaps you ought not to be reading it at all. It's not your cup of tea, Mama. +It's not your cup of tea, Mama. Come now, darling, give it a read. +"""A habituè of cemeteries, his proudest conquest was a maid six decades his senior, deceased a dozen years.""" Oh, it's terrible! It's too, too terrible! Well. Go on. +Oh, it's terrible! It's too, too terrible! Well. Go on. """The vigor with which he made love caused her bones to dislodge. Still, he granted her the highest compliment he accorded any woman...""" +"""The vigor with which he made love caused her bones to dislodge. Still, he granted her the highest compliment he accorded any woman...""" Yes? +Yes? """Well worth the dig!""" +I'm only a laundress; not a detective. Now's not the time to be cheeky, Maddy. +You're more than a priest; you're an angel! Ain't he, Maddy? It's because of the Marquis, isn't it? +I'm hungry for a proper visit. Don't start -- +Don't start -- Go ahead; you've a key. Slip it through my tiny hole... +Did I frighten you? You? Frighten me? That's a good one! I'm twice as fast as you are. Who'd have thought such a spent body can still boast such a fertile mind? +You? Frighten me? That's a good one! I'm twice as fast as you are. Who'd have thought such a spent body can still boast such a fertile mind? It's the only frontier I have left, plumcake. +It's the only frontier I have left, plumcake. I suppose you want to know about that silly book of yours. +The peril of composing such incendiary prose... I put myself at life and limb. Surely that's worth a few louis. +If only these coins purchased your other talents, too. There's something else I want from you. +There's something else I want from you. You've already stolen my heart, as well as another more prominent organ, south of the Equator... +You've already stolen my heart, as well as another more prominent organ, south of the Equator... Your publisher says I'm not to leave without a new manuscript. +Your publisher says I'm not to leave without a new manuscript. I've just the story... inspired by these very surroundings.... +The unhappy tale of a virginal laundry lass, the darling of the lower wards, where they entomb the criminally insane. Is it awfully violent? +Is it awfully violent? Most assuredly. +Most assuredly. Is it terribly erotic? +Is it terribly erotic? Fiendishly so. +A kiss for each page. Must I administer them directly, or might I blow them? +Must I administer them directly, or might I blow them? The price, my coquette, is every bit as firm as I am... +The price, my coquette, is every bit as firm as I am... Oh, you. You talk same as you write. +It's a long story, this one. The climax comes at a higher cost; you must sit on my lap. +The climax comes at a higher cost; you must sit on my lap. You demand a lot from your readers, you do. +The story's thrilling conclusion comes at a premium. What's that then? +What have they done to you now? Tortures so arcane, so medieval, even I haven't the words to describe them. If you've an ounce of pity in your heart, you'll throw caution aside, and unlock my door... +My newest book begins at my right cuff, continues across my back, and completes itself at the base of my left shoe... I don't believe it! +They've taken your clothes? They decreed me a savage, and now they have made me one. +Surely you've seen a man naked. It's only been described to me. In your books. +I must say, in your novels you stoke the most unrealistic expectations. You're far crueler than I, my sweet. +The Abbe's sending me away. He fears for me here, what with the likes of you -- Don't be fooled, Madeleine! He fears for himself. He's like a man starving, and you -- ha! -- you're like a pork chop dolloped with heavy cream -- +Don't be fooled, Madeleine! He fears for himself. He's like a man starving, and you -- ha! -- you're like a pork chop dolloped with heavy cream -- He's a man of God; he's true to his vows. +He's a man of God; he's true to his vows. First and foremost, he's a MAN. You remind him of that fact, and he resents you for it. +It needn't be; not if you've another story. How do you propose I write it? With dust, upon the air? +How do you propose I write it? With dust, upon the air? You could whisper it through the walls of your cell. +Yes; that's it! A final volley from us both! Go on, child. +Go on, child. Tomorrow night, whisper a new tale to your neighbor, Cleante. He'll whisper it to his neighbor Dauphin, who'll whisper it to his neighbor Franval -- +Tomorrow night, whisper a new tale to your neighbor, Cleante. He'll whisper it to his neighbor Dauphin, who'll whisper it to his neighbor Franval -- -- who'll whisper it to Bouchon -- +-- who'll whisper it to Bouchon -- -- whose cell lies next to the linen cabinet! There, armed with a quill of my own, I'll commit it to paper! +-- whose cell lies next to the linen cabinet! There, armed with a quill of my own, I'll commit it to paper! Yes! You shall. Of course you shall -- +Yes! You shall. Of course you shall -- A tale more horrible than all the rest combined! +A tale more horrible than all the rest combined! Something to make the angels weep, and the Saints to gasp for air... +...yes, I've got that bit... """What shall I ready?"" asked Fanchon. ""My mouth, my ass or my succulent oyster?""" +"""...your wife.""" Tell him I'm no fool. A prison's still a prison, even with Chinese silk and chandeliers. +Tell him I'm no fool. A prison's still a prison, even with Chinese silk and chandeliers. """By the time you read this, we'll be long gone; bound for England or points beyond...""" +"""By the time you read this, we'll be long gone; bound for England or points beyond...""" Tell him -- if he uncovers our whereabouts -- you'll slit your wrists with a razor, and I'll plunge a hat- pin through my heart. +Tell him -- if he uncovers our whereabouts -- you'll slit your wrists with a razor, and I'll plunge a hat- pin through my heart. You'd do that, rather than forsake our love? +You'd do that, rather than forsake our love? No. But tell him I would. +It is customary to write first, and request an appointment -- Desperation has driven me past etiquette, all the way to frenzy. +Desperation has driven me past etiquette, all the way to frenzy. My schedule is not subject to the whims of lunatics. +I beg to differ, Doctor. You work in a madhouse. Your every waking moment is governed by the insane. I pray you: be succinct. +I pray you: be succinct. You're new to Charenton, yes? Perhaps you're not yet familiar with my husband, and his unusual case. +You're new to Charenton, yes? Perhaps you're not yet familiar with my husband, and his unusual case. With all due respect, Madame, all France is familiar with your husband. Grant us a moment alone, won't you, Monsieur Prouix? +I assume you've come to plead for clemency on your husband's behalf. Oh you do, do you? It is my dearest hope, Doctor, that he remain entombed forever, and that when at last he perishes in the dank bowels of your institution, he be left as carrion for the rodents and the worms. +You're aware, are you not, that it costs a great deal to house your husband at Charenton... I pay his stipend every month, far more dutifully than I should. +I pay his stipend every month, far more dutifully than I should. That barely covers the cost of his room. There's nary a penny left over for appropriate treatments. Opiates to quell his temper. Restraints to chasten him when he misbehaves. +Perhaps if you were to buttress your entreaties with the means to oblige them... I am not a wealthy woman. +I am not a wealthy woman. But you've a pension, haven't you, from the sale of his books? +But you've a pension, haven't you, from the sale of his books? It's tainted money, Doctor. +It's tainted money, Doctor. What a beautiful thought, Marquise. +What a beautiful thought, Marquise. What thought is that? +What thought is that? That ill-gotten funds, borne of his degeneracy, might now effect his salvation. +If you're truly determined to step out of the shadow of your husband's celebrity -- Oh, but I am! +Oh, but I am! -- words alone are insufficient. +-- words alone are insufficient. It's beyond perversity. That honor should carry a price tag... +Don't toy with me, Doctor. Now is the time to secure your epitaph. The benevolent Marquise, Charenton's most revered philanthropist... or Satan's Bride. +I am eternally in your debt. And I in yours. +And I in yours. Doctor... Can I impart to you his cruelest trick? +Doctor... Can I impart to you his cruelest trick? Of course. +Of course. Once... long ago... in the folly of youth... he made me love him. +Good God, Marquise -- I'm on the brink of bankruptcy; my husband's resources are all but exhausted. And to what end, I ask you? +This is neither the time nor the place -- If only you'd remained true to our contract! Opiates, for his nerves! Restraints! The man warrants a bed of nails -- +If only you'd remained true to our contract! Opiates, for his nerves! Restraints! The man warrants a bed of nails -- I can say, with the utmost sincerity, that every franc you've given me has been put to sterling use. +You've no right to assault me in this fashion; I'll call for my footman. I'll have you removed -- Am I a cursed woman, Doctor? Must I be betrayed by every man I meet -- +Public scorn carries a terrible sting. Trust me. I'm a woman who knows. It's libelous; you wouldn't dare. +It's libelous; you wouldn't dare. And why not? My fortune, siphoned away. My reputation, past repair. I've nothing left to lose. Silence my husband, or you'll come to know an infamy to rival his own. +Hm? Tell me. What other treats? ....shame on you, truly... +For fuck's sake, woman! BONBONS? I'm to sit here, gorging myself on useless trifles, sucking down your little sweetmeats, when what I truly need -- what I truly require -- are a few quill pens? Perhaps a pot of ink? Forgive me, I beg you -- +How was I to know, my darling? How was I to tell you? By writing a letter? WITH WHAT, MY ASININE BRIDE? +I beg you, Donatien... as your wife... your only ally... you must stop making such a monstrous spectacle of yourself. You've come to lecture me? +You've come to lecture me? To flaunt your deviance in public? Upon a stage? +To flaunt your deviance in public? Upon a stage? They've put you up to this, haven't they? +They've put you up to this, haven't they? You ought to court the Doctor's favor, not his contempt. +Everywhere I go, they point and whisper! At the opera, they hiss at me when I take my box. When I went to church... the priest refused to even hear my confession; he said I was already damned! Why must I suffer for your sins? It's the way of all martyrs, isn't it? +It's the way of all martyrs, isn't it? Give me back my anonymity, that's all I ask! Let me be invisible again! +Tell me; have you done anything to secure my release? NO! Have you petitioned the court? NEVER! Sought audience with the Emperor -- He refuses to be seen in my company! He blanches at the mention of your name -- +He refuses to be seen in my company! He blanches at the mention of your name -- It's a convenience, isn't it, having your husband locked away! You no longer have to hold your tongue, or hoist your skirts! Or crack your mouth, so I can put it to its one pleasurable use! YOU'RE NOT MY WIFE, NO! YOU'RE ONE AMONG MY MANY JAILERS, AREN'T YOU? +Leave at once -- But it's just begun -- +But it's just begun -- Do as I say. +Doesn't that please you? Very much. +Very much. I'd prefer to have our brandy in the salon. There we can sit... side-by- side... before the fire. +I'd prefer to have our brandy in the salon. There we can sit... side-by- side... before the fire. I'd rather read, thank-you. +I'd rather read, thank-you. You prefer a book to your husband's company? +Ever met Walter Winchell? No, when I was but a tender lad-- +No, when I was but a tender lad-- Last week would this be? +So you ever gonna do a picture? Not you too +Not you too It's gonna be fine, Orson. You're gonna do great. +It's gonna be fine, Orson. You're gonna do great. I wonder sometimes. +I wonder sometimes. You're just scared. +You're just scared. Am I? +Of being found out. Of not being a genius Oh, but haven't you heard? I'm the Boy Wonder. I've been a genius since the moment I was born. +Oh, but haven't you heard? I'm the Boy Wonder. I've been a genius since the moment I was born. We've known each other too long, Orson. Sling the bullshit elsewhere. +We've known each other too long, Orson. Sling the bullshit elsewhere. Carole, you wound me! As if I could hope to pacify you with evasions of-- +Carole, you wound me! As if I could hope to pacify you with evasions of-- Don't insult me with your cute press quotes Save it for Louella. +That poor woman. She knew what she was signing on for After all, she took the money. +And we would hear them scuttling around at night with their little red eyes and little yellow t-t- teeth and I'm just imagining plague lice jumpin' all over the damn place So we set t-t-traps everywhere. And every morning we would find the t-t-traps sprung but no mice! Houdini mice. +God, these parties are the worst You need to get outta here, Rapunzel +You need to get outta here, Rapunzel That's why he has the parties, he says it's like bringing the world to me. +That's why he has the parties, he says it's like bringing the world to me. Why don't you come down to LA? Stay with us for a while. +Why don't you come down to LA? Stay with us for a while. With about twenty of his spies on my tail. No thanks. +It's not so bad here. After all, what girl doesn't want to live in a castle? Mr. Welles certainly is a caution +Mr. Welles certainly is a caution Yeah, Orson's a real piece of work. But deep down, he's a good kid. Real deep down. +Yeah, Orson's a real piece of work. But deep down, he's a good kid. Real deep down. And attractive in a hammy sort of way. +And attractive in a hammy sort of way. Mm. +Listen, you come down and stay with us for a few days. Just tell the old man that-- I can't +I can't Sure you can, just-- +Sure you can, just-- He needs me here. +When I met him I was just 20. And he was 55. I saw the gold ring and just grabbed on. And he was going to make me a star. And he did. +I did my best but, well, you know me Sure +Sure Thing that bothers me now, though, looking back is that I really think I could have been something ... special. +Thing that bothers me now, though, looking back is that I really think I could have been something ... special. Thinking like that is only gonna drive you nuts You were a great star and you had a good run. That oughta be enough. +Thinking like that is only gonna drive you nuts You were a great star and you had a good run. That oughta be enough. Yeah. But all of a sudden it's not +Yeah. But all of a sudden it's not You know this CITIZEN KANE picture? About Pops and everything? +You know this CITIZEN KANE picture? About Pops and everything? Uh-huh +Uh-huh The character that's supposed to be me, Susan Alexander-- +The character that's supposed to be me, Susan Alexander-- Marion, everyone knows you're not like that-- +Marion, everyone knows you're not like that-- But I am That's the killer, honey. +Who are you, sir? My name is Orson Welles +My name is Orson Welles The actor +The actor And director. +And director. I see. And you are in California for what reason? +I see. And you are in California for what reason? To make pictures. +Well, I wish you luck. It is a treacherous business. So I've been told. +So I've been told. In Hollywood the fiercest bulls are the most brutally killed. +In Hollywood the fiercest bulls are the most brutally killed. I'll remember that. +I wonder. Do you have any idea what you have done? Do you? +Do you? Intimately. For every sin you have placed on my head I could give you a hundred others. I have been swimming in blood my entire life. But I retain a belief, perhaps you will think it old fashioned, undoubtedly you will, but I believe that private lives should not be public property. +Intimately. For every sin you have placed on my head I could give you a hundred others. I have been swimming in blood my entire life. But I retain a belief, perhaps you will think it old fashioned, undoubtedly you will, but I believe that private lives should not be public property. Elegant words, sir, when you have made your name and your fortune on slander and innuendo and gossip. In your papers you taught the world how to look under every rock. I learned at the knee of the master. +Elegant words, sir, when you have made your name and your fortune on slander and innuendo and gossip. In your papers you taught the world how to look under every rock. I learned at the knee of the master. So where does that leave us, Mr. Welles? What kind of sad future are we two making? A future where men will do anything to sell their newspapers and their movies? A future where no price is too high for fame and power? When we will all scratch each other to pieces just to be heard? +Louis Randolph! +Randolph! Hope you don't mind my popping in-- +Quite. And this is why I came to visit. Have you heard about this CITIZEN KANE picture? Over at RKO? +Mm. Not a very good picture I am told. Uh-hub. +Uh-hub. Apparently it details the exploits of a publisher like myself. Entirely too much like myself. Do you follow so far? +Apparently it details the exploits of a publisher like myself. Entirely too much like myself. Do you follow so far? Yeah +And maybe we could get Mr. Warner and Mr. Goldwyn and Mr. Cohn and Mr. Selznick to play as well. You know that can't happen. +You know that can't happen. Oh, why is that? +Oh, why is that? Why is that, Louis? +Why is that, Louis? Bel Air is restricted. +See what you can do about this CITIZEN KANE picture, won't you? Yeah +Goddamn it. I gotta have some kinda life! There's no call for that language- +There's no call for that language- There certainly is I There certainly is! Aw, to hell with you! +This is supposed ta be Siam or some such. Some kinda lousy B-B-Balinese temple. This look like a temple to you? I can't see it myself-- Darling, I talked to Millicent. +There. That's right. She's a Catholic. She says it would put her soul in peril. Divorce is a very serious sin, apparently. +She's a Catholic. She says it would put her soul in peril. Divorce is a very serious sin, apparently. Nuts. She only cares about the money. She thinks I'll make you cut her out of the w-w-w-w... will. +The Journal was pretty harsh to Roosevelt today. You oughta lay off him -- he is the p-p-president, after all. +You oughta lay off him -- he is the p-p-president, after all. He is a Bolshevik. He will have us at war by the end of the year. I think I'm going to run that wheelchair picture. +He is a Bolshevik. He will have us at war by the end of the year. I think I'm going to run that wheelchair picture. Don't +How bad is it? Nothing for you to worry about, darling +Nothing for you to worry about, darling Pops +The S.E.C. has turned down my request for relief on the debts. How much? +How much? It's not really-- +It's not really-- How much? +We're 125 million dollars in debt? Yes. +How does one get 125 million dollars in debt? One . . . buys things. +Well -- he got us, didn't he? She stands and goes quickly to pour a drink. A forced laugh Nailed us, hub? The crazy old man and his whore. +Nailed us, hub? The crazy old man and his whore. Marion-- +Marion-- Bought and p-p-paid for. Just like one of his goddamn statues. Well at least in the movie he married her! +Bought and p-p-paid for. Just like one of his goddamn statues. Well at least in the movie he married her! This picture-- +This picture-- I am not that woman. +Then you explain it to me?! There's nothing to explain +There's nothing to explain A million dollars a year on art and st-st-statues and there's nothing to explain?! +A million dollars a year on art and st-st-statues and there's nothing to explain?! I will not defend my life to you-- +I will not defend my life to you-- I'm not asking you to defend anything. But we're in a pickle and we gotta talk about it. +I'm not asking you to defend anything. But we're in a pickle and we gotta talk about it. "We are in no ""pickle"" -- as you would euphemistically have it." +"We are in no ""pickle"" -- as you would euphemistically have it." You gotta wake up now. Pops. +You gotta wake up now. Pops. There is nothing to discuss- +There is nothing to discuss- You don't have any money left, okay?! That's the truth. I don't wanna say it, nobody else will say it, but it's the truth. You spent it all. You can't buy the Tribune in Chicago -- you can't buy ^ g-g- goddamn thing. Now you better face up to it-- +You don't have any money left, okay?! That's the truth. I don't wanna say it, nobody else will say it, but it's the truth. You spent it all. You can't buy the Tribune in Chicago -- you can't buy ^ g-g- goddamn thing. Now you better face up to it-- You are being typically theatrical, Marion. I need the Tribune to-- +You are being typically theatrical, Marion. I need the Tribune to-- You don't need it! That's the problem you always think you need everything-- +That -- did you need that? How much did that cost? It's 12th Century. From Deauville -- in France. +It's 12th Century. From Deauville -- in France. I know where Deauville is for C-C-Christ's sake. +I know where Deauville is for C-C-Christ's sake. You needn't use that language with me +You needn't use that language with me Did you need it? Did you need any of it? +Did you need it? Did you need any of it? I wanted it +I wanted it There's a different between want and +There's a different between want and Not for me. +Not for me. But why? Just so you can show it all off -- just so everyone can see what a b-b-big man you are?! +That's right. You've captured me exactly. Goodnight. You will not walk out on me +You will not walk out on me You are repellant when you drink. +You are repellant when you drink. Tough shit. We need to t-t-talk about this-- +Tough shit. We need to t-t-talk about this-- You are slovenly and unattractive and I won't t-t-t-tolerate it. +Fuck you, Mr. Kane. I will not have this in my home. +I will not have this in my home. I just want to understand-- +I just want to understand-- No, you don't. You want to condemn me, like everyone else. You want to point to the pathetic, old man grown lunatic with his spending -- trapped in his ridiculous +No, you don't. You want to condemn me, like everyone else. You want to point to the pathetic, old man grown lunatic with his spending -- trapped in his ridiculous castle -- still fighting old battles he will never win with Pulitzer and Roosevelt and Hollywood-- +castle -- still fighting old battles he will never win with Pulitzer and Roosevelt and Hollywood-- I don't want you to-- +I don't want you to-- There is nothing to understand but this: I am a man who could have been great, but was not. +It's all you. It has the political campaigns and the mining fortune and the war with Pulitzer and the castle. And ... Marion. How so? +How so? The jigsaw puzzles and the, urn, career -- the man spending a fortune to make her a star -- only it's opera and not movies. And... +The jigsaw puzzles and the, urn, career -- the man spending a fortune to make her a star -- only it's opera and not movies. And... Yes? +Yes? The drinking. +Thank you for your time Thank you, sir. She begins to leave +Miss Parsons, I have one additional question for you. Sir? +Sir? Why did we not know about this sooner? +Why did we not know about this sooner? Sir? +Sir? I pay you a good deal of money to be my eyes and ears in Hollywood, do I not? If you cannot provide this simple service you are of no use to me. +I pay you a good deal of money to be my eyes and ears in Hollywood, do I not? If you cannot provide this simple service you are of no use to me. Sir, I- +Sir, I- Please be quiet. +He lied to me He looked into my face and told me it wasn't about you. +He looked into my face and told me it wasn't about you. And how do you feel when you are lied to? +I want blood Good. Retain that feeling. Let it nourish you from this day forth. It shall nourish us both +"""Well, if you got drunk to talk to me about Miss Alexander, don't bother. I'm not interested. I've set back the sacred cause of reform, is that it? All right, if that's the way they want it, the people have made their choice. It's obvious the people prefer Jim Gettys to me.""" """You talk about the people as if you owned them. As though they belonged to you. As long as I can remember, you've talked about--"" Orson, I am so goddamn tired--" +Keep filming. I can't remember the lines! +I can't remember the lines! Then make them up! You're drunk and you're angry. +This is the chance you've been waiting for, boy. Tell that son of a bitch just what you think of him! We're not all hopped up on benzedrine, Orson I Some of us humans need sleep! +You're not going to get another chance, boy! Look right at the monster and you tell him-- """You don't care about anything except you. You just want to persuade people that you" +"""You don't care about anything except you. You just want to persuade people that you" "love them so much that they ought to love you back. Only you want love on your own terms. """ +"love them so much that they ought to love you back. Only you want love on your own terms. """ """A toast then, Jedediah, to love on my own terms. Those are the only terms anybody ever knows, his own.""" +Tome it's a question of truth and illusion. Don't you get tired of the errant falsity in motion pictures? Huh? +Huh? What we are going to do is shoot life -- in all it's joyous complexity. +Now, Orson, you know I'm just dyin' to see your picture and I know it's gonna be boffo, but you're writing about a publisher, right? We're using- +We're using- You're not doin' Hearst, are you? +You're not doin' Hearst, are you? Good God no! The character is a delicious amalgamation of various press barons-- +Good God no! The character is a delicious amalgamation of various press barons-- A delicious amalgamation, is it? +That's right. A symphony of those: vaunted and valued tellers-of-truth. Those heroic minutemen standing sentry on our liberties-- Orson, hold on. Look into my eyes. Tell me you are not doing Hearst. +Orson, hold on. Look into my eyes. Tell me you are not doing Hearst. I am not doing Hearst. +Schaefer, I gotta see this Welles picture Louella, hello, I was just fixing a drink, would you like--? +Louella, hello, I was just fixing a drink, would you like--? You drink at 10 am, do you? +You drink at 10 am, do you? No -- no -- I mean-- +No -- no -- I mean-- I wanna see the picture today +I wanna see the picture today That might be a tad difficult because Orson is scoring the picture now and he's very particular about the music-- +That might be a tad difficult because Orson is scoring the picture now and he's very particular about the music-- Cut the malarkey, buddy. The boss himself wants me to see the picture today. +Cut the malarkey, buddy. The boss himself wants me to see the picture today. He personally asked you to? +He personally asked you to? That's right +Hearst? Uh-huh +That's right, fella, no Hearst paper will run an RKO ad until you agree that CITIZEN KANE will never see the light of day. Louella, please, be reasonable, I understand you have problems with Orson's picture but maybe we can work something out-- +Louella, please, be reasonable, I understand you have problems with Orson's picture but maybe we can work something out-- Nix, sweetie. You shelve it +Nix, sweetie. You shelve it Oh for God's sake, Louella- +Oh for God's sake, Louella- And Mr. Hearst has authorized me to tell you that you're looking at the most beautiful lawsuit in history if you release this picture. He'll bleed your little studio dry and you can all go on back to New York and do Shakespeare with the Boy Wonder. +And Mr. Hearst has authorized me to tell you that you're looking at the most beautiful lawsuit in history if you release this picture. He'll bleed your little studio dry and you can all go on back to New York and do Shakespeare with the Boy Wonder. Can I talk to Hearst? +Can I talk to Hearst? You are talking to him. +I don't know what you expected with Joseph- fucking-Conrad for Chrissake. I mean this is Hollywood, pal. All right! Enough! I've heard this from Schaefer and RKO. I've heard it from everyone-- +All right! Enough! I've heard this from Schaefer and RKO. I've heard it from everyone-- But you keep coming up with the same elitist crap - - HEART OF DARKNESS with a million dollar budget?! - - no one wants to see that. +But you keep coming up with the same elitist crap - - HEART OF DARKNESS with a million dollar budget?! - - no one wants to see that. Nonsense +What are movies about, Orson? Forget it- +Forget it- What are movies about? +What are movies about? Telling stories. +Telling stories. Nope. +Nope. Showing life +Showing life Who the hell wants to see life?! People are sick to death of life! They want make-believe, pal. Fantasy. They want Tarzan and Jane, not Tristan and Isolde. +Magic Butts on seats. That's what movies are about. You got one job in Hollywood -- everyone has the same job, in fact -- putting the butts on the seats. You gotta sell 'em popcorn and Pepsi- cola. It's all about popcorn and Pepsi-cola. +Butts on seats. That's what movies are about. You got one job in Hollywood -- everyone has the same job, in fact -- putting the butts on the seats. You gotta sell 'em popcorn and Pepsi- cola. It's all about popcorn and Pepsi-cola. Not for me. +Not for me. Then you better get ready to be the youngest never- was in Hollywood history. +Then you better get ready to be the youngest never- was in Hollywood history. That's better than being the oldest has-been in Hollywood history. +That's better than being the oldest has-been in Hollywood history. You're a laugh-riot, kid. +So, we've got to come up with our movie. Our biography. Right- +Right- We find the man and then we dissect him- +We find the man and then we dissect him- Like a bug. +Like a bug. But with compassion and insight-- +But with compassion and insight-- Christ, we gotta go! The old man doesn't cotton to lateness. +How about Howard Hughes? We could do Hughes I'm not fucking with Hughes. That shit-kicker would kill us dead, baby. Just like Jean Harlow +I'm not fucking with Hughes. That shit-kicker would kill us dead, baby. Just like Jean Harlow Howard Hughes killed Jean Harlow? +Howard Hughes killed Jean Harlow? Sure. Dropped her out of his Lockheed over Utah +Sigmund Freud? Kid, you just got your ass kicked on Joseph Conrad and now you're gonna go to Schaefer and tell him you wanna do the id and the superego? Stop being so goddamn smart. +Manolete?! Who the hell's Manolete? +Who the hell's Manolete? The great Spanish bullfighter +The great Spanish bullfighter I don't wanna write about no spic. +I don't wanna write about no spic. No, it's perfect! When in doubt, put on a cape! False noses and faux beards and flowing capes have been the life-blood of the actor's craft since the days of lrving and Booth. Imagine me in a glittering suit of lights on the dusky Andalusian plains-- +The man doesn't allow drinking or cigars? This is monstrous. The old man has his own way of doing things +The old man has his own way of doing things He's nothing but a hypocrite. He preaches morality every day in his sordid little papers for everyone else in the world but he lives openly with his mistress. +Look at those hands. Those are the hands of an artist. A modern Caravaggio. No, baby, those are the hands of a killer +"""In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree. . . ""How big is it, all told? The estate?" The whole joint is half the size of Rhode Island. +The whole joint is half the size of Rhode Island. Jesus +Jesus Yeah, it's the place God would have built, if he'd had the money. +Mank! You scoundrel! What took you so long?! Orson, please ... it's too bright +Here you are, up with the birds for once, you vampire! Okay, boy wonder, what? +Okay, boy wonder, what? Listen ... I've got it! It came to me like a thief in the night! Pure inspiration! Total magnificence! +Oh for Christ's sake- I know who we're going to get I The great American biography! A journey into the soul of the beast. +I know who we're going to get I The great American biography! A journey into the soul of the beast. This better be good +This better be good Image a man that has shaped his time. A titanic figure of limitless influence. Think about empire. A man with an empire at his feet. A man, like a baron, living in a palace, a glorious palace on a hill, and controlling the permutations of everyone beneath him. Feudal. +Image a man that has shaped his time. A titanic figure of limitless influence. Think about empire. A man with an empire at his feet. A man, like a baron, living in a palace, a glorious palace on a hill, and controlling the permutations of everyone beneath him. Feudal. Oh Christ... +Oh Christ... Image the possibilities as this man controls the public perception of the nation through his-- +Image the possibilities as this man controls the public perception of the nation through his-- Oh Christ +Yes. Please don't say this. +Please don't say this. Mank- +Mank- Don't whisper it. Don't even think it +Don't whisper it. Don't even think it How long have we spent casting our minds about the world when the answer to our prayers was right here under our noses -- every single day in the newspapers and on the radio -- waiting for us in that ridiculous castle! Waiting for--! +How long have we spent casting our minds about the world when the answer to our prayers was right here under our noses -- every single day in the newspapers and on the radio -- waiting for us in that ridiculous castle! Waiting for--! Orson. Stop. Just stop +Now remember he's a public figure who sought out that publicity so legally he can't stop us from-- Listen to you. You child! Men like him don't bother with things like legality. They don't have to. You know why, boy-o? Power. Power like you couldn't even begin to imagine. +Listen to you. You child! Men like him don't bother with things like legality. They don't have to. You know why, boy-o? Power. Power like you couldn't even begin to imagine. Howard Hughes, he would just kill us. Hearst he would kill us and fuck everything we ever loved. +Howard Hughes, he would just kill us. Hearst he would kill us and fuck everything we ever loved. We're doing Hearst. +You may think you know what you're talking about, kid, but believe me, you don't. You're talking about going into a battle you can never win on a battlefield so far above things like movies and Hollywood that Hearst won't even have to glance down when he crushes you. When he flicks you away with one finger. I'm talking about money and influence and evil beyond your capacity to imagine Hell. So speaks the court jester. +So speaks the court jester. Fuck you +Fuck you I expected more from you. +I expected more from you. Sorry to disappoint. +Sorry to disappoint. How does it feel, Mank? Going up to the palace and making all the lords and ladies laugh as you tell your little stories and beg for crumbs at the table? How does it feel being the ugly little monkey they keep to amuse themselves--?! +I remember a man who wrote I He was a brilliant writer who dazzled me time and time again with his wit and insight-- Don't do this +Don't do this Where did he go? He hasn't had a screen credit in four years-- +Where did he go? He hasn't had a screen credit in four years-- Don't do this +Don't do this --Because he has been so furiously busy wasting himself. Amusing his keepers. Because he is a sycophant! Because he has been thrown out of every studio in Hollywood and no one will hire him because he's a drunk- -! +Let me out. Listen to me- +Listen to me- Fuck you-- +Fuck you-- I am giving you the last chance you will ever have to be yourself again! +I am giving you the last chance you will ever have to be yourself again! I don't have it anymore?! +I don't have it anymore?! When I was a kid I wanted to scorch the world too - - I had all kinda dreams about making great pictures and telling great stories. But all that's finished for me-- +When I was a kid I wanted to scorch the world too - - I had all kinda dreams about making great pictures and telling great stories. But all that's finished for me-- It doesn't have to be +It doesn't have to be And yeah, sure, Hearst's a great subject. Been keeping notes on him for years for my ... great American novel. But I can't do it anymore. No studio's gonna hire me and I - - +And yeah, sure, Hearst's a great subject. Been keeping notes on him for years for my ... great American novel. But I can't do it anymore. No studio's gonna hire me and I - - I'll hire you -- right now- +I'll hire you -- right now- I can't do it. okay?! I drink too much -- I drink all the fucking time and I don't have it anymore. All that is over for me-- +I can't do it. okay?! I drink too much -- I drink all the fucking time and I don't have it anymore. All that is over for me-- NOT UNLESS I. TELL YOU IT IS +He'll destroy us. Then let him. What have we got to lose, you and I? +So, who is he? We have to know him. Everyone sees someone different. That's what we show. +Everyone sees someone different. That's what we show. How? +How? Like a jewel. Turn it in the light and a different facet is illuminated. +The key -- the key -- the clue -- what does this man recall on his death bed? Okay, Mank, you're dying. What's the last image that comes to you? Right now. This girl on a dock. White dress. Never said a word to her. +This girl on a dock. White dress. Never said a word to her. Why her? +Why her? She was . . . innocent +All men love. But men like Hearst -- they don't bother with convention because-- They don't have to. +They don't have to. He loves in his own way. On his conditions. Because those are the only conditions he has ever known. +Hearst looks down at the world at his feet Everything has always been beneath him. And what does he see? +And what does he see? The people. When they pay him homage, he adores them. But when they have the ... audacity to question him. To doubt him. To embarrass him. Then he despises them. +The people. When they pay him homage, he adores them. But when they have the ... audacity to question him. To doubt him. To embarrass him. Then he despises them. And when he looks up? What does he dream about? +It's 350 pages long. Yeah, but the margins are real wide. +Yeah, but the margins are real wide. It is 350 pages of ... ABSOLUTE INSPIRATION! +It's good, huh? Good?! Good?! Words fail you at last! It's terrific! Now I'll have to do some shaping, of course, and some of the scenes aren't exactly . . . exactly . . . +Good?! Good?! Words fail you at last! It's terrific! Now I'll have to do some shaping, of course, and some of the scenes aren't exactly . . . exactly . . . What? +What? Short enough. But this is a grand start And I think we need to change the name. +Short enough. But this is a grand start And I think we need to change the name. The title? +The title? "No, AMERICAN is a blessed title directly sent from God's soul to your mind. We shall never change that! I mean the name of the publisher. Charles Foster Craig doesn't have the knives-out poetry I need. I was thinking about ""Kane"" -- you like that?" +"No, AMERICAN is a blessed title directly sent from God's soul to your mind. We shall never change that! I mean the name of the publisher. Charles Foster Craig doesn't have the knives-out poetry I need. I was thinking about ""Kane"" -- you like that?" Cain -- like the Bible guy? +Cain -- like the Bible guy? K-A-N-E. One strong syllable. Kane I +K-A-N-E. One strong syllable. Kane I Craig is one syllable +Craig is one syllable But it's not a great syllable +I --um-- I don't know if I should. I ain't been drinking since I started on this-- To my invaluable comrade Drink up! +Jesus Christ -- YOU CAN'T DO THIS TOME -- THIS WAS OUR STORY, REMEMBER? -- YOU AND ME AND GODDAMN EVERYONE ELSE - - REMEMBER THAT?! +And I'm looking at them -- and they're all looking at me and I don't know who should pour the tea. ' Uh huh. +Uh huh. I just can't . . see it anymore +I want you back Fuck you. You wanted me out. I'm out. +Fuck you. You wanted me out. I'm out. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. I don't care. +Did I ever tell you about my father? I don't give a shit about- +I don't give a shit about- He was a drunk. And he was my father and I was ashamed of him. +Hey, kid. Gregg. Mank, sit down. You missed the opening of the new picture but I'll go back-- +Mank, sit down. You missed the opening of the new picture but I'll go back-- No, you gotta hear this- +"No, but I can imagine. What am I today? A ""puny upstart"" or a ""spoiled dilettante"" -- no, she wouldn't know how to spell that" """And how is the country to feel when this industry continues to employ bedraggled foreigners and swarthy refugees instead of real Americans? Doesn't Hollywood know there's a Depression on? Don't real Americans deserve work?""" +"""And how is the country to feel when this industry continues to employ bedraggled foreigners and swarthy refugees instead of real Americans? Doesn't Hollywood know there's a Depression on? Don't real Americans deserve work?""" Well, at least she's off KANE today +Well, at least she's off KANE today "No she's not. Don't you get it, ya lunk? She's using code language to the studio bosses. ""Bedraggled foreigners and swarthy refugees"" -- who the hell do you think she's talking about?" +"No she's not. Don't you get it, ya lunk? She's using code language to the studio bosses. ""Bedraggled foreigners and swarthy refugees"" -- who the hell do you think she's talking about?" Hedy Lamarr? +Hedy Lamarr? Jews. She's talking about Jews. +"Who owns this town? Who runs every goddamn studio? The tribe, baby. These fuckers hear the word ""Jew"" and they start sweating. Like Ester Williams' pool they start sweating." So they're Jews. . . +So they're Jews. . . This is just the first shot. Maestro. Sooner or later she's gonna use the word. And all those boys know that there is only one thing this country hates more than the coloreds and that's the Jews. +This is just the first shot. Maestro. Sooner or later she's gonna use the word. And all those boys know that there is only one thing this country hates more than the coloreds and that's the Jews. Christ. +Christ. Me, I'm proud to be a Jew, I got no problem. You don't like it, fuck you. But with these guys it's like a dirty word. All they wanna be is good red- white-and-blue Americans, and the way they see it you can't be a good American and a Jew. So Sam Goldfish becomes Sam Goldwyn and David Selznick becomes David 0. Selznick -- like anyone's gonna think he's Irish for fuck's sake-- +Me, I'm proud to be a Jew, I got no problem. You don't like it, fuck you. But with these guys it's like a dirty word. All they wanna be is good red- white-and-blue Americans, and the way they see it you can't be a good American and a Jew. So Sam Goldfish becomes Sam Goldwyn and David Selznick becomes David 0. Selznick -- like anyone's gonna think he's Irish for fuck's sake-- What does this have to do with--? +What does this have to do with--? Believe you me, they're gonna do anything -- and I mean absolutely anything -- to stop that word from gettin' out. +Believe you me, they're gonna do anything -- and I mean absolutely anything -- to stop that word from gettin' out. What?! Are they going to kill me? Is that what they're going to do?! +If he had known about KANE before you made it, you'd be dead already. It's too late. The movie's made +It's too late. The movie's made They won't let it out. Not Hearst. Not the other studio heads-- +They won't let it out. Not Hearst. Not the other studio heads-- You wrote the damn thing, Mank Aren't you going to fight for it?! +You wrote the damn thing, Mank Aren't you going to fight for it?! I told you this was going to happen! I told you he was going to come after us! So we took the chance anyway and we lost. That's how it goes, okay? I got my check, kid, and so did you -- and that's what it's all about -- so fuck it and move on. +Is that from one of the Gospels? Kinda. +YOU STUPID, LITTLE MAN! HOW COULD YOU HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN?! I GAVE YOU MY SOUL AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO SELL IT!? This ain't George's doing--! +You gonna watch? Hell, I know how it ends. Hey, Rosebud's the sled! +Hell, I know how it ends. Hey, Rosebud's the sled! Mank! +Mank! Face it, Orson, they're gonna hate it. I told you, not enough closeups and too many scenes with a bunch of New York actors. +Shit George... +What have I done? Aw, cheer up, George'll probably be running Fox by the morning. Let's get a drink. +You know, all this nightmare we went through with Hearst. The whole thing... And in the end, probably no one will ever remember the picture anyway. Yeah, you're probably right. +He truly doesn't care if he ever works again. Yeah, ain't it swell? +They came to me with an offer. 800,000 for the negative and all the prints. And they went to the stockholders in New York. +And they went to the stockholders in New York. Oh God. +Oh God. I been talking to Swanbeck in New York and... Orson, I think they're gonna take it A long pause as Welles looks at Schaefer +Monstro! Ran into Walter Winchell outside He wants to play Herod in the picture. Hiya, George. Herman. +Herman. So ain't this just the bee's knees? The high muckey-mucks dolled up all Aztec-like for the human sacrifice. +May I help you? I, um, need an estimate on some jewelry I might wish to sell. But d-d-discretion is very important to me b-b-because I don't want anyone t-t-to, um, know that-- +I, um, need an estimate on some jewelry I might wish to sell. But d-d-discretion is very important to me b-b-because I don't want anyone t-t-to, um, know that-- Excuse me, I hope this isn't rude, but aren't you Marion Davies? +Excuse me, I hope this isn't rude, but aren't you Marion Davies? Yes. +Yes. Well, this is a great pleasure. Miss Davies! I just saw that ENCHANTMENT is playing at a the Tivoli, the revival house in Santa Monica. That was a fine picture! +Well, this is a great pleasure. Miss Davies! I just saw that ENCHANTMENT is playing at a the Tivoli, the revival house in Santa Monica. That was a fine picture! Thank you- +Thank you- Not one of them today has what you had, Miss Davies. Not one of them. +Not one of them today has what you had, Miss Davies. Not one of them. Thank you -- b-b-but I'd really like t-t-to-- +Thank you -- b-b-but I'd really like t-t-to-- Of course, of course. How can we be of service? +Of course, of course. How can we be of service? As I said I have some j-j-j-j- that I might wish t-t-to sell and I wanted an estimate-- +As I said I have some j-j-j-j- that I might wish t-t-to sell and I wanted an estimate-- Surely My pleasure, Miss Davies.. +It came. 800,000 dollars fully covers the production budget and a little more. Hell, George, you even make a profit on the deal. +800,000 dollars fully covers the production budget and a little more. Hell, George, you even make a profit on the deal. Very generous +Very generous And we gotta be clear here. I need the negative and every existing print. +And we gotta be clear here. I need the negative and every existing print. To do what? +To do what? That's for me to decide. +That's for me to decide. You're going to destroy it +You're going to destroy it No, maybe put it on the shelf until the old man kicks it. +No, maybe put it on the shelf until the old man kicks it. You're lying to me. +You're lying to me. We already made the same offer to the stockholders. +You talked to New York? Yes +Yes You talked to Mr. Swanbeck? +Yes Get out +Get out You're bettin' on an inside straight this time. You'll never pull it off. +You're bettin' on an inside straight this time. You'll never pull it off. Get out. +"""Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud." Again. +"""Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud." Again. +"""Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud." Again +"""Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud.""" Again +"""Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud" Again +It's an awful title, of course, but I can't think of anything better. Someone came up with A SEA OF UPTURNED FACES -- which has a nice, grand ring to it -- and I thought of JOHN CITIZEN, USA but that strikes me as a bit Warner Brothers. Or, God forbid, Capraesque. I suppose AMERICAN will do for now but-- CITIZEN KANE +CITIZEN KANE Pardon? +Pardon? CITIZEN KANE There's your title. +"A ""Z"" and a ""K"" in the title. That would draw the eye. For the poster. I like that THE PRISONER OF ZENDA had a ""Z"" and a ""P"" and that worked--" Now look, Orson, let's not get ahead of ourselves. The budget projections on this-- +Now look, Orson, let's not get ahead of ourselves. The budget projections on this-- I know, I know! But what more can you expect of me?! I have pared this story down to the marrow to save money but to cut more would be to--! +I know, I know! But what more can you expect of me?! I have pared this story down to the marrow to save money but to cut more would be to--! Listen, get off your horse with me. You know I've stuck by you since the beginning of time it seems like, while the stockholders in New York were ready to cut and run and everyone else in Hollywood was set to toss me in a rubber room. But your contract stipulates a max budget of 500 thousand. This one's gonna come in at 750 thousand. What do we do about that? +Now don't have a fit -- but I want you to think again about doing WAR OF THE WORLDS- Jesus +Jesus Do WAR OF THE WORLDS as a feature and everyone's happy. You make some money and New York's happy and you have a track record and then we'll move on to KANE. +Do WAR OF THE WORLDS as a feature and everyone's happy. You make some money and New York's happy and you have a track record and then we'll move on to KANE. Please don't ask me to do this. +Please don't ask me to do this. It's the safe bet, Orson. There's nothing wrong with that. +For the title Ah, it's a grand title. +This is an abomination There's no music and-- They've all seen a rough cut +They've all seen a rough cut The magazines are one thing -- but Hedda! Why did we have to let her come?! +The magazines are one thing -- but Hedda! Why did we have to let her come?! "When Hedda says ""I'm coming"" you mix a lot of martinis and you pray." +And this is the evening edition. Notice anything? The ad.. +What do you want me to do, Orson? Radio City won't premiere the picture. Louella threatened them with some bullshit about Then find another theater +Then find another theater You don't think I've tried? No one is willing to open the picture +You don't think I've tried? No one is willing to open the picture Then we'll open it in Detroit or Dallas or Kalamazoo for God's sake! We'll show it in goddamn circus tents and--! +Listen to me. The press ban is killing us and the distributors won't book it. And meantime I'm dealing with the stockholders in New York who are scared shitless -- and I'm this far from getting fired myself -- and you don't have a friend in the world but me right now. So you have got to trust that I'll do what I can to-- """Do what you can""?! That's not good enough I" +"""Do what you can""?! That's not good enough I" Well it' s all you've got ! +Well it' s all you've got ! You're with them, aren't you? You're going to bury my movie. They bought you! +You're with them, aren't you? You're going to bury my movie. They bought you! For Christ's sake, shut up-- +For Christ's sake, shut up-- Why don't you just have the guts to admit it +Why don't you just have the guts to admit it How dare you talk to me like that! Do you think I'm like all the rest of those pirates?! Like Mayer and Warner? Is that what you think--?! +How dare you talk to me like that! Do you think I'm like all the rest of those pirates?! Like Mayer and Warner? Is that what you think--?! It's just that my movie is so- +It's just that my movie is so- """Your movie"" -- I am so sick of that! It's your movie -- but it's his life! Did you ever think about that?! Did you ever think about that old man and Marion having to watch as you tore them apart?!" +Do you every think for one second that you might have some responsibility for what you're doing?! For cutting and slashing everything in your way so you can have your goddamn movie?! That soulless monster gets no tears from me. +That soulless monster gets no tears from me. Who the fuck are you trying to kid? You are that soulless monster. +This isn' t some kinda fucking game! You know how many people RKO employs?! You know how many people depend on what we do for a living?! I really think you're +I really think you're You wanna commit suicide, fine! You got some death- wish, fine! But you will not drag this company down with you! +You wanna commit suicide, fine! You got some death- wish, fine! But you will not drag this company down with you! It was a -joke, George +You're not still mad at me, I hope No, we're jake. But listen- +No, we're jake. But listen- Look, not a single scene shot in the studio! We've found natural locations for the whole story-- +Look, not a single scene shot in the studio! We've found natural locations for the whole story-- Hold on a sec. I got news. We finally found somewhere to premiere KANE but-- +Hold on a sec. I got news. We finally found somewhere to premiere KANE but-- I told you! Where? Grauman's? El Capitan? Or did Radio City come crawling back? +I told you! Where? Grauman's? El Capitan? Or did Radio City come crawling back? The Palace in New York. But Orson there's something else. +I think you better sit down I don't want to sit +It's my birthday this week. I'll be 26. Happy birthday. +Oh God. . . Relax, George. It's gonna go great. Trust me. Have I ever lied to you? +You know something, Orson, you haven't done anything but lie to me from the moment we met. But, ya know, I'd do it again in a second. It was fun, wasn't it? +It was fun, wasn't it? It was the best, kid +It was the best, kid So, on to the Life Of Christ! +So, on to the Life Of Christ! Without me. I'm afraid. I got the axe this morning. +Orson, you wanna take five? Five...? Yes. No. We're done today +It's just not low enough. This is the scene. We have to look up at these two man as pillars soaring to the sky. As towering virtues in combat-- Spare me the aria, I know what you want-- +Spare me the aria, I know what you want-- I need my shoes in total focus right here and also Joe back there--! +I need my shoes in total focus right here and also Joe back there--! I know what you want but it can't be done! +I know what you want but it can't be done! Take apart the fucking camera rig -- we could get a few more inches down and then tilt up-- +Take apart the fucking camera rig -- we could get a few more inches down and then tilt up-- Orson -- we can't get the fucking camera any fucking lower so find another fucking shot! +How 'bout a real drink? We done? +We done? Yeah. +Oh, no-- Yes! +Yes! He's Christ? +He's Christ? I'm Christ +I'm Christ You want to do the life of Jesus? +You want to do the life of Jesus? Yes! Vibrant and modern and stark like a Picasso sketch drawn to flashes of lightning I We shoot the whole thing in the gallant American West-- +Let's go, Jake, wake up! Huh? Whadda ya mean, get up? +Huh? Whadda ya mean, get up? We're from... +We're from... I know where you're from. You guys look the same every place. +I know where you're from. You guys look the same every place. They wanna talk to you. +They wanna talk to you. About what? +About what? I don't run the joint. They just told me to bring you in. +I don't run the joint. They just told me to bring you in. For what? +Hey champ! Tommy, thanks for coming over. +Tommy, thanks for coming over. You just take it easy, now. You'll do all right. Feelin' Ok? +You just take it easy, now. You'll do all right. Feelin' Ok? I'm Ok. +I'm Ok. Just come by to wish you luck. Need anything? +Just come by to wish you luck. Need anything? No, we're all right. Thanks anyway, Tommy. +No, we're all right. Thanks anyway, Tommy. Ok, champ. +All right. I don't have to hear any more. I think I understand what happened. I understand it was your brother's wife and there was probably a misunderstanding. I'm not sayin' Salvy shouldn't have acted the way he did. But, Joey, you don't raise your hands. You don't do that kind of thing. This time we forget about it but no more after this. You understand? Yeah, I understand, Tommy. +Yeah, I understand, Tommy. All right, you guys, shake hands. +Aside from everything else, your family all right? Yeah, they're good. They're good, Tommy. +Yeah, they're good. They're good, Tommy. What is it with you? Can't you talk? You got like a funny attitude. I can't figure you out, Joey. What's with you and the quick answers? You wanna get outa here fast? +What is it with you? Can't you talk? You got like a funny attitude. I can't figure you out, Joey. What's with you and the quick answers? You wanna get outa here fast? Aw, Tommy, c'mon, it ain't that. +Aw, Tommy, c'mon, it ain't that. Look Joey, I wanna tell you something. Your brother ain't gonna get nowhere without us -- nowhere. And I'm tellin' you between the two of us, it's gettin' to the point where it's gettin' to be a real embarrassment to me, a real embarrassment. +Look Joey, I wanna tell you something. Your brother ain't gonna get nowhere without us -- nowhere. And I'm tellin' you between the two of us, it's gettin' to the point where it's gettin' to be a real embarrassment to me, a real embarrassment. How can he embarrass you? +How can he embarrass you? He's an embarrassment because Frankie and the other guys are expectin' me to do something about it, and I'm lookin' very bad. I can't deliver a kid from my own neighborhood. Why's he make it so hard on himself? He comes to me, I can make it easier for him. +He's an embarrassment because Frankie and the other guys are expectin' me to do something about it, and I'm lookin' very bad. I can't deliver a kid from my own neighborhood. Why's he make it so hard on himself? He comes to me, I can make it easier for him. Tommy, Jake respects you. He won't even say hello to anybody else -- you know that. But you know when Jake gets set on somethin', Jesus Christ Almighty could get off the fuckin' cross and he ain't gonna talk him out of it. I'm his kid brother. I got no say with Jake on this. He thinks he can buck everybody and make it on his own. +Tommy, Jake respects you. He won't even say hello to anybody else -- you know that. But you know when Jake gets set on somethin', Jesus Christ Almighty could get off the fuckin' cross and he ain't gonna talk him out of it. I'm his kid brother. I got no say with Jake on this. He thinks he can buck everybody and make it on his own. Make it on his own? Does he know the kind of money involved? I mean the real money. He thinks he's gonna become champ on his own? We're gonna sit by and see some nut come in there and hold one of the most important titles in the world? A nut who don't listen to nobody or respect nobody? Is he really crazy? Listen, Joey, you understand, you tell him. I don't care how great he is or how colorful. He could beat all the Sugar Ray Robinsons and all the Janiros he wants to. He ain't gonna get a shot at the title without us. I'm not askin' you to do another thing except get that message into that thick head! +What's up, Colonel? I'd like to talk to Jake a minute. +What who's been sayin'? You were a big favorite in this fight. Then two days ago the odds start jumping all over the place until you're a 12-5 underdog. +You were a big favorite in this fight. Then two days ago the odds start jumping all over the place until you're a 12-5 underdog. I don't follow no gamblin' Commissioner. I'm just a fighter. +I don't follow no gamblin' Commissioner. I'm just a fighter. Now the fight's off the books altogether. Meyer Lansky couldn't get a bet down on this fight. Some people are saying you're going into the tank. +Now the fight's off the books altogether. Meyer Lansky couldn't get a bet down on this fight. Some people are saying you're going into the tank. Believe what you want. +Believe what you want. I want to believe you, LaMotta. +I want to believe you, LaMotta. I'm gonna kill him. That fuckin' jig's gonna wish he never came outa the jungle. You got any money? +I'm gonna kill him. That fuckin' jig's gonna wish he never came outa the jungle. You got any money? What? +What? You got any money you want to bet on Billy Fox, you can put it right here... 'cause Jake LaMotta don't go down for nobody. +This looks done. It's not done. +It's not done. It looks done. I'll take it the way it is. +It looks done. I'll take it the way it is. Here's your steak. You can't wait for it to be done. Here. +Here's your carrots. You're in such a hurry. You can't wait. No, I can't wait. You know when I wait? When it's important to wait. It's not important to wait for no steak. It's important to wait for Reeves to leave the ring. It ain't important to wait for no steak! I won that fight. So, I stayed in the ring, and that way I made sure everybody knew it. I shoulda knocked him out earlier, sonofabitch. +Where you going at this hour? What're you, a cop? I'm goin' out -- business. +What're you, a cop? I'm goin' out -- business. You fuckin' worm, if you're going out, I'm going out. +You fuckin' worm, if you're going out, I'm going out. And where you goin'? +And where you goin'? None of your fuckin' business. +J.R., glad you could make it. You were great, Jake. Just like old times. Good thing Sugar Ray wasn't here tonight. Oh Jake, this is State's Attorney Bronson and his wife. +You're a good sport, lady. I saw you fight Bob Satterfield in '46, Jake. In Chicago. You were great. +I saw you fight Bob Satterfield in '46, Jake. In Chicago. You were great. Yeah, I really cleaned up on him. +Yeah, I really cleaned up on him. Where's your wife, Jake? +Where's your wife, Jake? Do you think I'd let her in a place like this with guys like you hangin' around? +What's wrong? Nothing... +Hey, c'mon, what's the matter? I ain't ever gonna fight Joe Louis, that's what's the matter. +I ain't ever gonna fight Joe Louis, that's what's the matter. What're you talking about? He's a heavyweight. You're a middleweight. +That's what I'm sayin'. You shouldn't even think like that. It's crazy. I tell you one thing. Ok, I'll never be big enough to fight Louis, but I know Joey, I know... +I tell you one thing. Ok, I'll never be big enough to fight Louis, but I know Joey, I know... You know? +You know? Yeah. Do me a favor. +Yeah. Do me a favor. Sure. What is it? +Sure. What is it? Hit me in the face. +Hit me in the face. You want me to do what? +You want me to do what? You heard me, I said hit me. +You heard me, I said hit me. C'mon, Jack. You had a few drinks. +C'mon, Jack. You had a few drinks. Go ahead. I ain't drunk. Take your best shot. On the jaw. +Go ahead. I ain't drunk. Take your best shot. On the jaw. Jack, I got no gloves. +Jack, I got no gloves. Here's your glove. +Harder. Take the towel off. Jack! Enough! +Jack! Enough! Go ahead. +What was that for? I know you can take punches. I can hit you from now to doomsday. What the fuck does that prove? See that, I don't feel it. I can take it. I know I can take anybody. +Answer me when I talk to you. Yeah, yeah. They just wanted to talk to you. So I... +Yeah, yeah. They just wanted to talk to you. So I... Don't ever bring those kids up here again! I'm working out, I'm killin' myself in here, and they walk around like they fuckin' own the neighborhood. +And that hard-on, Salvy. Who's he think he is? I'm gonna let that fuckin' hard-on come up here and act like a big shot. What are you getting so hot about -- Tommy Como told him to come down here... +What are you getting so hot about -- Tommy Como told him to come down here... Hey, I don't care about Tommy Como. I don't care about Jesus Christ on the fuckin' cross. I gotta give them a percentage of what I make! I'm in here breaking my ass, not them. Don't ever bring them up here again. +Hey, I don't care about Tommy Como. I don't care about Jesus Christ on the fuckin' cross. I gotta give them a percentage of what I make! I'm in here breaking my ass, not them. Don't ever bring them up here again. I didn't tell them to come. Tommy Como... +Who's that? Whadda you care? +Whadda you care? Whadda ya mean, whadda I care? Who is she? What's a matter? You afraid I'm gonna take her on you? +Whadda ya mean, whadda I care? Who is she? What's a matter? You afraid I'm gonna take her on you? No, I'm not afraid. Why? You wanna meet her? +No, I'm not afraid. Why? You wanna meet her? Yeah -- +Yeah -- Cause I'll go right over there and bring her here. +Cause I'll go right over there and bring her here. Go 'head. +Go 'head. You sure you wanna meet her? Don't make me go over there, you change your mind and you make me look bad, cause she's really a knockout. She's 15, this kid -- a great piece of ass. +You sure you wanna meet her? Don't make me go over there, you change your mind and you make me look bad, cause she's really a knockout. She's 15, this kid -- a great piece of ass. How do you know? You know her that good? +How do you know? You know her that good? No, I see her around the pool. I know her. I know her like that -- not like that. +No, I see her around the pool. I know her. I know her like that -- not like that. Nah, not now... I wanna wait. I don't feel right... +I'm tellin' you, she'll be there, I know she'll be there. 'Cause I wanna catch her alone. +'Cause I wanna catch her alone. How you gonna catch anybody alone at a dance?... I don't know if she'll be there alone... She'll probably be there with her girlfriends or something. +How you gonna catch anybody alone at a dance?... I don't know if she'll be there alone... She'll probably be there with her girlfriends or something. She ever go with them? Like Salvy? +She ever go with them? Like Salvy? Nah, she don't go with nobody. She's only 15 years old. +Nah, she don't go with nobody. She's only 15 years old. What does that have to do with it? She don't look 15 to me. I heard somethin' with Salvy. She was with him once or somethin', I think. It was like some blonde. That's the one... +What does that have to do with it? She don't look 15 to me. I heard somethin' with Salvy. She was with him once or somethin', I think. It was like some blonde. That's the one... Probably. You know she talks to everybody, and not just him. +Probably. You know she talks to everybody, and not just him. Yeah, she's nice. +Yeah, she's nice. Ah, some piece of ass, I'm tellin' you. +Ah, some piece of ass, I'm tellin' you. You wasn't with her, were you? +You wasn't with her, were you? Huh? +Huh? You wasn't with her? +You wasn't with her? With her? How? +With her? How? You know, like bang her or anything? +You know, like bang her or anything? Ah, no, no. I didn't bang her. I know her from around here, that's all. You want to meet her or what? +Ah, no, no. I didn't bang her. I know her from around here, that's all. You want to meet her or what? Nah, not now -- all those hard-ons around. I'll wait. Not now. +I'm tellin' you, she'll be there, I know she'll be there. Dressed up and everything. I don't like all those other clowns around. That's all I know. +I don't like all those other clowns around. That's all I know. C'mon, hurry up. We're never gonna get outa here tonight. +Hey, watch your mouth. Don't talk like that. She's still my wife. No, but Jake... how much abuse can you take. +No, but Jake... how much abuse can you take. How many times do I have to hit her? I hit her enough. +Do you see her yet? Give me a chance. Let me look. +He fights the toughest guys around that everybody else is afraid to fight... I'm the only guy ever to beat Sugar Ray, and I still don't have a shot at the title. +They robbed us! Those fuckin' judges -- What the fuck fight were they watching? If I see them on the street, I'll break their heads. Decision Robinson, my fuckin' ass! Those judges give him the decision 'cause he's goin in the army next week! How else could this have happened?... What do you think they gave him the decision for, that's why. Whadda I gotta do, Joey? I knocked him down. What did I do wrong? I don't understand. +Whadda I gotta do, Joey? I knocked him down. What did I do wrong? I don't understand. You won and was robbed! You didn't do nothin' wrong. +You won and was robbed! You didn't do nothin' wrong. I dunno. Maybe I don't deserve to win. I've done a lot of bad things. I dunno... +You want us to wait for you? No, take her home. I wanna be alone for a while. Everybody go. +I just weighed myself -- I'm 161. No more deals like this Janiro bullshit. I didn't tell you to do it in the first place. Jake, you're the one who said you could get down to 155! What did I do, pull it out of the fuckin' hat? +Jake, you're the one who said you could get down to 155! What did I do, pull it out of the fuckin' hat? Well, sometimes you shouldn't listen to me! Now I don't know if I can make it down to 155. I'm having trouble making 160, and without telling me, you sign me for a fight at 155 pounds, and if I don't make 155, I forfeit $15,000! You're supposed to know what you're doin'. You're supposed to be a manager! +Well, sometimes you shouldn't listen to me! Now I don't know if I can make it down to 155. I'm having trouble making 160, and without telling me, you sign me for a fight at 155 pounds, and if I don't make 155, I forfeit $15,000! You're supposed to know what you're doin'. You're supposed to be a manager! You want the title shot? +You want the title shot? Say what you're gonna say. +Say what you're gonna say. You want the title shot or not? +You want the title shot or not? Say what you gotta say. Don't be a smart ass. +Say what you gotta say. Don't be a smart ass. This Janiro's an up-and-coming fighter, this kid you gotta knock out. Knockout this fuckin' kid! I'm telling you, this is your step towards getting a shot at the title. Listen to me: I'm telling you. You been killin' yourself for three years. There's nobody left -- they're afraid to fight you. This Janiro's up-and- coming. He don't know. Fuckin' tear him apart, wipe him out! What are you worried about? Your weight? Look, even if you lose they're gonna think you're weak; they're gonna think you're not the fighter you used to be. They'll match you with guys they were afraid to match you with before, and then you'll kill them and you'll get your title shot. And if you beat this kid Janiro, they gotta give you a shot at the title because there's nobody else. Either way you win and you do it on your own -- just like you want it. All right? +Nah, she would never... Didn't you just see her lookin' at him? She told me no, but I don't believe her. +Didn't you just see her lookin' at him? She told me no, but I don't believe her. C'mon, Jake. You know she's crazy about you. +Excuse me for a minute. Be right back. Don't be long. I'm afraid with all these tough guys here. +Whatcha doin'? I remember the first time I met Vickie... I know there's somethin' up. I know she's doin' somethin', but I can't catch her... +I remember the first time I met Vickie... I know there's somethin' up. I know she's doin' somethin', but I can't catch her... Maybe she's afraid you're gonna hit her so she can't talk to you the way she wants to. +Maybe she's afraid you're gonna hit her so she can't talk to you the way she wants to. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Try talkin' to her. She's your wife -- ask her what's the matter. +Try talkin' to her. She's your wife -- ask her what's the matter. When I'm away, did you ever notice anythin' funny with her? Tell me the truth. +When I'm away, did you ever notice anythin' funny with her? Tell me the truth. Jack, if there was anything funny, I would tell you. +Jack, if there was anything funny, I would tell you. I want you to keep an eye on her when I'm not here. Understand? +I want you to keep an eye on her when I'm not here. Understand? Sure, I'll keep an eye on her. +Sure, I'll keep an eye on her. What did Tommy say? +What did Tommy say? I got good news, and I got bad news. The good news is you got your shot at the title. The bad news is... +I got good news, and I got bad news. The good news is you got your shot at the title. The bad news is... Yeah, I know. +Stick out your hands, Jake. C'mon, Joey. +C'mon, Joey. G'wan, do it. Protect yourself, rummy. +See? That's all there was to it. What the fuck they want? I took the dive. They want me to fall down too? I don't fall down for nobody. I never went down in my life. Joey, what do I gotta do? Crawl on my hands and knees? I made an asshole of myself in the fuckin' Garden! All the newspaper writers make fun of me. I'm the bum of the year. All I want is a shot. Just a fuckin' shot. What do I gotta do? I'll do anything. +What the fuck they want? I took the dive. They want me to fall down too? I don't fall down for nobody. I never went down in my life. Joey, what do I gotta do? Crawl on my hands and knees? I made an asshole of myself in the fuckin' Garden! All the newspaper writers make fun of me. I'm the bum of the year. All I want is a shot. Just a fuckin' shot. What do I gotta do? I'll do anything. Except fall down like a normal person. +Except fall down like a normal person. Yeah, except fall down. That's right. +Yeah, except fall down. That's right. All right, you don't wanna fall down, so now you gotta take a rest. So, you enjoy the suspension. 'Cause there's nothin' you can do about it. Let the Commissioner and the D.A. jerk you around. So you wait. +All right, you don't wanna fall down, so now you gotta take a rest. So, you enjoy the suspension. 'Cause there's nothin' you can do about it. Let the Commissioner and the D.A. jerk you around. So you wait. Jesus Christ! Seven months! What am I gonna do for seven months? I'm gonna go crazy. How do I keep my strength? By that time I'll be too weak to win the title. And my weight? Forget about it -- I'm gonna blow up like a balloon. I ain't never gonna hold my weight down. Seven months! I don't know... +Jesus Christ! Seven months! What am I gonna do for seven months? I'm gonna go crazy. How do I keep my strength? By that time I'll be too weak to win the title. And my weight? Forget about it -- I'm gonna blow up like a balloon. I ain't never gonna hold my weight down. Seven months! I don't know... We did what we had to do. Tommy don't forget. Sooner or later you'll get your shot -- if Tommy don't die. +I'm gonna order up some stuff. Have a steak. I can't eat a steak. If I eat a steak, I'm gonna have trouble making the weigh-in. +I can't eat a steak. If I eat a steak, I'm gonna have trouble making the weigh-in. So eat just a little. You gotta eat something. +So eat just a little. You gotta eat something. What am I gonna do for 24 hours? I can't even eat! +Screw you, Jack. Where you been? +What? I just said hello. Since when I can't kiss my sister-in-law? Ain't a cheek ever good enough for you? I never even kissed Mama on the mouth. +Ain't a cheek ever good enough for you? I never even kissed Mama on the mouth. Well, you're not supposed to kiss your mother on the mouth. +Well, you're not supposed to kiss your mother on the mouth. Well, that's what I mean. +How's that? I can't tell. You're stomach's in the way. +Answer me somethin'. What happened at the Copa with Salvy when I was out of town? When? +When? You know, when you gave him a beatin'. +You know, when you gave him a beatin'. Nothin'. Salvy was out of line. He was drunk or somethin', I dunno. Anyway, the windup was I gave him a beatin'. Tommy called me down, and we straightened it out. It's all forgotten about. +Nothin'. Salvy was out of line. He was drunk or somethin', I dunno. Anyway, the windup was I gave him a beatin'. Tommy called me down, and we straightened it out. It's all forgotten about. Why didn't you tell me about it? +Why didn't you tell me about it? It didn't have nothin' to do with you. +It didn't have nothin' to do with you. Didn't it have nothin' to do with me? +Didn't it have nothin' to do with me? No, I just told you what happened. +No, I just told you what happened. Who did it have anything to do with... Vickie? +Who did it have anything to do with... Vickie? Jack, no. I just explained the whole thing to you. It was just between me and Salvy, if it had anything to do with you and Vickie, I woulda told you about it. +Jack, no. I just explained the whole thing to you. It was just between me and Salvy, if it had anything to do with you and Vickie, I woulda told you about it. Well, I heard some things. +Whatever you touched, that's good now. Did Salvy fuck Vickie? +Did Salvy fuck Vickie? What? +What? You're supposed to keep an eye on her for me. I'm askin'... +You're supposed to keep an eye on her for me. I'm askin'... I did keep an eye... +I did keep an eye... Then why did you give him a beatin' if he didn't do anything? You and him been friends a long time. +Then why did you give him a beatin' if he didn't do anything? You and him been friends a long time. Some things changed between us. Now, he thinks who the fuck he is. He's been passing certain remarks that I don't like. +Some things changed between us. Now, he thinks who the fuck he is. He's been passing certain remarks that I don't like. Don't bullshit me, Joey. You ain't tellin' me the truth. +Don't bullshit me, Joey. You ain't tellin' me the truth. What bullshit? Hey, I'm your brother. You wanna believe me -- you trust me? +What bullshit? Hey, I'm your brother. You wanna believe me -- you trust me? When it comes to her, I don't trust nobody. I'm askin' you somethin'. +When it comes to her, I don't trust nobody. I'm askin' you somethin'. "Well, you're wrong Jack. I'm tellin"" you what happened. He got outta line, we had a fight, and it's straightened out now." +You givin' me that look. I gotta accept your word, but if I find out anythin', I'm gonna kill somebody... So, go ahead. Kill everybody. Kill Salvy, kill Vickie, kill Tommy Como, kill me while you're at it. What do I care? You're killing yourself the way you're eating, the way you worry about things you don't have to worry about. +So, go ahead. Kill everybody. Kill Salvy, kill Vickie, kill Tommy Como, kill me while you're at it. What do I care? You're killing yourself the way you're eating, the way you worry about things you don't have to worry about. "What do you mean, ""you""?" +"What do you mean, ""you""?" What? +What? "What do you mean, ""you""?" +"What do you mean, ""you""?" I meant, kill everybody. You or me or anybody. You're a big shot. Kill, kill... g'head. +I meant, kill everybody. You or me or anybody. You're a big shot. Kill, kill... g'head. "But you said ""you.""" +"But you said ""you.""" So what? +So what? Eh, Joey, even you don't know what you meant. You mentioned Salvy, Tommy Como, you -- that means somethin'. Why'd you say them? You coulda said anybody. +Eh, Joey, even you don't know what you meant. You mentioned Salvy, Tommy Como, you -- that means somethin'. Why'd you say them? You coulda said anybody. You're worried about this girl, you're gonna let this girl ruin you're life for you... You wanna worry, worry about your fuckin' stomach that you can't bend over -- that you gotta step in the ring in a month. +You're worried about this girl, you're gonna let this girl ruin you're life for you... You wanna worry, worry about your fuckin' stomach that you can't bend over -- that you gotta step in the ring in a month. Did you ever fuck my wife? +Did you ever fuck my wife? What? +What? I don't mean now. I mean before -- before we met. +I don't mean now. I mean before -- before we met. Whadda ya mean? +Whadda ya mean? Did you ever fuck my wife? +Did you ever fuck my wife? Whatsa matter with you? +Whatsa matter with you? You're very smart, Joey, very smart. Nobody gives me a straight answer around here. You're givin' me these answers, but you still didn't answer my question. Did you fuck Vickie? +You're very smart, Joey, very smart. Nobody gives me a straight answer around here. You're givin' me these answers, but you still didn't answer my question. Did you fuck Vickie? I gotta go. I gotta get outta here. I can't take this shit. Lenore is waitin' for me. I gotta go. You're a definite wacko. You're fuckin' crazy, you know that, crazy. +Was Vickie part of the deal with Tommy? Was my wife part of the deal? Tell me, was that it? Stop it. What're you, crazy? +I'm tellin' you now, when I read this, it better not make me look bad. Jake, did I ever make you look bad before? +Jake, did I ever make you look bad before? Maybe it wasn't you, but you know what I'm talkin' about. +Why not? There's nobody else around who wants to fight me; they're all afraid. I don't see why I shouldn't have a shot at the title right now. Well, the word is to get a title shot you have to cooperate with the people who control boxing, in New York. And they're saying that you don't cooperate. +Well, the word is to get a title shot you have to cooperate with the people who control boxing, in New York. And they're saying that you don't cooperate. You guys know more about that than I do. I just fight... +You just fought Sugar Ray two weeks ago and you're training like this right now... Are you afraid Sugar Ray might beat you this time? I tell you what. You hit me here. Sugar Ray hits me here. I can't tell the difference. I just fight. +I'm pulling out of next Wednesday's TV bout 'cause I can't make the weight. I'm fighting at light heavyweight, and I still can't make the weight. Does that mean... +Does that mean... It means I'm through with boxing. I'm tired with tryin' to make the weight anymore. I'm sick of thinkin' about weight, weight, weight. +It means I'm through with boxing. I'm tired with tryin' to make the weight anymore. I'm sick of thinkin' about weight, weight, weight. You sound bitter. +You sound bitter. Why should I be bitter? Boxing's been good to me. I got a nice house, three kids, a beautiful wife -- take a picture of her. Vickie. +Ain't she beautiful? Coulda been Mrs. America if I didn't pull her outa the contest. Didn't want her wearing a swimsuit for nobody but me. What do you think of Jake's retirement, Mrs. LaMotta? +Don't fight anymore! It's a free country, don't fight anymore! Why did they have to stop it? Why did they have to stop it? +It ain't worth it, Jake. Get out. What time is it? +What time is it? Nine o'clock. +Nine o'clock. At night? +At night? Yeah. At night. +Yeah. At night. How many pounds I gotta lose? +How many pounds I gotta lose? Three more, I figure. +Three more, I figure. Just give me a chip of ice to put in my mouth. Just a chip of ice. +Just give me a chip of ice to put in my mouth. Just a chip of ice. I'll give you anything you want, Jake. I think you should come out for a few minutes -- give yourself a break. +I'll give you anything you want, Jake. I think you should come out for a few minutes -- give yourself a break. Are you outa your mind? If I come out, I'll lose the title. +He ain't hurting me, but I can't get him down. Don't talk. Keep at it. Jab, jab, jab. You're ahead on points. +Joey said you wanted to meet me. Is that right? You wanted to meet me? I just wanted to say hello. +I just wanted to say hello. You wanted to say hello, eh? I can't believe it. When did you fall outa heaven? Anyone ever tell you you're the most beautiful one here, princess of the pool. You got a baby face. Look at mine. Whatcha wanna meet me for? +You wanted to say hello, eh? I can't believe it. When did you fall outa heaven? Anyone ever tell you you're the most beautiful one here, princess of the pool. You got a baby face. Look at mine. Whatcha wanna meet me for? I don't know. 'Cause you're cute. +I don't know. 'Cause you're cute. Ya hear, Joey? She thinks this face is cute? Hey, whatcha doin' now? You wanna go for a ride? +You don't talk very much. I ain't ever talked to a movie star before. +I ain't ever talked to a movie star before. I ain't no movie star. I'm just in high school. +I ain't no movie star. I'm just in high school. Oh no? I thought you was a movie star. +You go first. Let me watch how to do this. You don't get nothin' done by watchin'. You just gotta do it. Here, I'll help you. +That's it. Just grip up a little tighter. That's it. You're gonna be real good at this. How does that feel? It feels real good. +It feels real good. Just keep your eye on the ball. +Just keep your eye on the ball. Should I hit it? +Should I hit it? Just give it a nice little tap. +I can't find my ball. Can you see it? +Can you see it? No. +No. What does that mean? +Jake, this is your father's bedroom. That's all right. He don't mind. +Jake... It's OK. +Are you sure we should be doing this? Come over here. +Come over here. You said never to touch you before a fight. +You said never to touch you before a fight. If you let me do it, I'll murder you. Come here. +If you let me do it, I'll murder you. Come here. You said I couldn't. You've been good for two weeks... +You said I couldn't. You've been good for two weeks... Come here. +Take off my pants. Jake... +Jake... Do what I say. +Now take the rest off. Jake, you made me promise not to get you excited. +Jake, you made me promise not to get you excited. Go 'head. Do it. +I like the gym smell. Now take your panties off. +Now, touch me... ...here. Oh, Jake. +Joey's right. Janiro's up-and coming, he's good looking... "What do you mean, ""good looking?""" +"What do you mean, ""good looking?""" Well, he's popular. A lotta people like Janiro. You beat him and it only figures they'll wanna see you get a title shot. But, what do I know? I should keep my mouth shut, I should... +Well, he's popular. A lotta people like Janiro. You beat him and it only figures they'll wanna see you get a title shot. But, what do I know? I should keep my mouth shut, I should... Who asked you? +Who asked you? But, Jake, I was just... +But, Jake, I was just... Who asked you? +Who asked you? I was just... +I was just... Who asked you? +What're you lookin' at? You lookin' at him? No, I'm not. I'm looking at you. +No, I'm not. I'm looking at you. "Don't tell me ""No."" I saw you lookin' at him. Why, you like him?" +"Don't tell me ""No."" I saw you lookin' at him. Why, you like him?" I'm not interested in him. +I'm not interested in him. You're not interested in him? +You're not interested in him? No, I'm not. +No, I'm not. In other words, you're not interested in him but you'd be interested in somebody else, right? +In other words, you're not interested in him but you'd be interested in somebody else, right? Jake, c'mon now. Don't start. +Jake, c'mon now. Don't start. Look at this, all of a sudden everybody's a fuckin' Romeo around here. Did you see the way she was lookin' at him? +Vickie?... Vickie, you asleep? What? +What? You asleep? +You asleep? Yeah. +Yeah. Huh? +Huh? Yeah, what? +Yeah, what? Tell me, you think of anybody else when I'm making love to you? +Tell me, you think of anybody else when I'm making love to you? Nobody. I love you, remember? +Nobody. I love you, remember? Then why'd you say that thing about Tony Janiro? +Then why'd you say that thing about Tony Janiro? What did I say? +What did I say? That he's got a pretty face. +That he's got a pretty face. I never noticed his face. +I never noticed his face. You sure you're not thinking of him right now? +You sure you're not thinking of him right now? Positive. +Positive. You're the one who said he was good looking. You think he's good looking 'cause I know you think he's good- looking. I'll smash his face inside out. I'll make him into dog meat. Nobody's gonna think he's good-looking when I get through with him. So you just go ahead and think about who you want. +Hey, you don't say goodbye to him like that. What did I do? +What did I do? You don't kiss like that. Hello and goodbye, that's all you do. +You don't kiss like that. Hello and goodbye, that's all you do. All I did... +All I did... You know what I'm talking about. Don't ever make me look bad on the night of my big fight. +You know what I'm talking about. Don't ever make me look bad on the night of my big fight. You're hurting my arm. +But Jake... I didn't say anything... Don't ever do that again. You don't do it! +Don't ever do that again. You don't do it! Jake... +What's the matter with you? Tryin' to get this fuckin' TV to work. Paid all this money for it and still can't get a station a mile away. And Mr. Wizard here ain't no help. +I went out. What's that kissing on the mouth shit? +Where you been all day? I took the kids to my sister's. +I took the kids to my sister's. I called. You weren't there. +I called. You weren't there. I got bored so I went to the movies. +I got bored so I went to the movies. What'd you see? +What'd you see? I went to the movies. +I went to the movies. What'd you see? +What'd you see? """Father of the Bride.""" +"""Father of the Bride.""" What was it about? +What was it about? Oh, c'mon. For Christsake, do I have to tell you everything? +Oh, c'mon. For Christsake, do I have to tell you everything? Did you ever go to the Copa when I was away? +Did you ever go to the Copa when I was away? What're you talking about? +What're you talking about? Answer me when I talk to you. What happened that night? +Answer me when I talk to you. What happened that night? I am answering... +I am answering... What do I have to do to get a straight answer around here. +Jake, no -- Do I have to kill you, eh? Do I have to kill somebody to get an answer? I know about you at the Copa. I know all about it. +I didn't do anything wrong. I swear. I just had a few drinks. With Salvy, eh? +With Salvy, eh? I went with Sandy and Vera. Salvy was there. Stop it. I just had a drink, that's all. I didn't do anything wrong. +Come out of there! Did you fuck Salvy? Answer me. Open this fuckin' door, you fuckin' cunt! Who've you been fuckin'? Nobody, I tell you. Jake stop it. +Nobody, I tell you. Jake stop it. You're a fuckin' liar. +I'll say anything you want me to say. I fuckled Salvy. I fucked Tommy. I fucked your brother. I fucked everybody! What do you want to hear? I sucked your brother's fuckin' cock! You did? +You did? Yeah, I sucked his cock. +You're killing him. You're killing him for nothing. Stop it. Get the fuck outa here. Whadda you mean nothing'? You stupid bitch! +Get the fuck outa here. Whadda you mean nothing'? You stupid bitch! Nothing is what I said! Go on, kill me. Kill me. I'm not afraid of you anymore. I don't care if you kill me like you're killing him. You're a sick animal. +You're the fuckin' animal! You ran around with every guy I knew while I was breakin' my ass for you. You're not only an animal, you're a stupid animal. You're rotten. Rotten. Rotten. You're a sick maniac. A maniac! You belong in a mental hospital. +You know, if there's one thing -- I just don't understand you, not one single little bit. You love me? Yeah -- +Jake, why don't you just try lying down and get some rest. I don't know what it is. I dunno, it's the kind of thing that -- the words won't come out. +I don't know what it is. I dunno, it's the kind of thing that -- the words won't come out. Jake -- +Jake -- What? +What? I want to say something to you without you blowing your stack. +I want to say something to you without you blowing your stack. OK. Talk. +OK. Talk. Why don't you just call him up? +Why don't you just call him up? "What do I say to him? Call him up on the phone and say, ""Joey, I'm sorry about that little trouble we had. How about havin' dinner?"" Is that what I say?" +"What do I say to him? Call him up on the phone and say, ""Joey, I'm sorry about that little trouble we had. How about havin' dinner?"" Is that what I say?" No, not that. +No, not that. Then what? +Then what? I don't know. +I miss Joey. I wish Joey was here. Why don't you just call him? +Why don't you just call him? I dunno. +I dunno. Tell him how you feel -- you miss him. Tell him you're sorry. +Tell him how you feel -- you miss him. Tell him you're sorry. Ok, all right. Telephone's in the hall. Dial his number. +I'm sorry. I had to work late last night. Slept at the club. I'm leaving you Jake. +I'm leaving you Jake. Sure, what else is new? +Sure, what else is new? No. This time it's true. I didn't bother to tell you until I had everything worked out. +Open the door, Vickie. No. I won't talk to you where you can use your hands on me. +No. I won't talk to you where you can use your hands on me. Aw, c'mon. Don't say that. +Aw, c'mon. Don't say that. I got a lawyer, Jake. We're getting a divorce. I'm getting custody of the kids. +I got a lawyer, Jake. We're getting a divorce. I'm getting custody of the kids. Aw, c'mon, Vick -- +Aw, c'mon, Vick -- I'm sick of it. I can't watch you this way. You're too drunk all the time. There's too many girls. I can't... I don't wanna talk about it. I made up my mind. +Vickie, open up. I need to come in. Are you drunk? +Are you drunk? No. Open the door. +The kids are sleeping. I promise I just gotta pick up one thing. +I promise I just gotta pick up one thing. All right, just don't make any noise. +What are you doing? I need ten thousand dollars. My lawyer says if we can spread ten thousand bucks around, we can get the case dropped. +I need ten thousand dollars. My lawyer says if we can spread ten thousand bucks around, we can get the case dropped. But they don't have a case against you. +But they don't have a case against you. "Are you kiddin'? Did you ever see a 14-year-old testify in court? Did you see the papers? ""LaMotta on Vice Rap."" Everybody likes a shot at the Champ." +"Are you kiddin'? Did you ever see a 14-year-old testify in court? Did you see the papers? ""LaMotta on Vice Rap."" Everybody likes a shot at the Champ." Jake, be careful! What're you doing to the belt?! +Jake, be careful! What're you doing to the belt?! Don't make no difference no more. +Don't make no difference no more. Can't you get the money from your friends? +Can't you get the money from your friends? What friends? +Hi, Tommy. How are you? Jake, sit down for a minute. +"Fuckin' kid! You're the best fuckin' fighter around. Loved what you did to Satterfield. Them ""moulan yans"" -- forget about it. They're all afraid to fight you." C'mon, Tommy -- +C'mon, Tommy -- How you feelin'? Ok? You feelin' good? +How you feelin'? Ok? You feelin' good? Never felt better. +Never felt better. Tony Janiro's gotta watch out, eh? +Tony Janiro's gotta watch out, eh? He should. +He should. This Janiro's a good fighter, pretty good-lookin' kid. +How's the weight? Ok? Yeah, the weight's Ok. +All right, lemme ask you something. Let's say I was a good friend of yours. And I was telling you I was gonna bet a lot of money on you in this Janiro fight. What would you tell me? I'd tell you to bet a bundle. +Salvy, would I steer you wrong? Let's say that's the truck; it's full of cigarettes, right? Now, two o'clock this morning we move the truck from here to there, take the cigarettes out, sell 'em, make some cash. Hey but Joey, you're thinking nickels and dimes. The money's with your brother. +Hey but Joey, you're thinking nickels and dimes. The money's with your brother. What do you want from my life, Salvy? He's my brother. +What do you want from my life, Salvy? He's my brother. He ain't doin' the right thing. He's makin' beans compared to what he should be makin'. Can't you make him understand that? +Hey, leave the kids alone. "Get lost. Hey kids, ""A cop is a rat."" Remember that, ""A rat.""" +I can't convince him. He's got such a thick head, I'd like to crack it open myself. Believe me, my own brother. It's very hard. You don't have to convince me -- I know we should be with Tommy. You talk to him. He don't listen to nobody. Look, I'm just tellin' you how Tommy feels. Jake is makin' it hard on himself. Tommy wants him with us. It's as simple as that. +Talk some sense into him, will ya? You're still his brother. If he ain't gonna listen to you, he ain't gonna listen to nobody! All right, I'll try. See you later. +All right, I'll try. See you later. Tomorrow, at the gym. Don't forget. +Tomorrow, at the gym. Don't forget. Right, the gym. +I said, let's go. Joey, relax. You're taking this the wrong way. Why don't you sit down and have a drink? +Joey, relax. You're taking this the wrong way. Why don't you sit down and have a drink? Excuse me, I'm talking to my sister in-law. +Excuse me, I'm talking to my sister in-law. Excuse me for living. +Excuse me for living. What do you think, I'm blind? My brother's breaking his ass in a ring, and you're here with his wife. +What do you think, I'm blind? My brother's breaking his ass in a ring, and you're here with his wife. Hey Joey, I'm here with Patsy and Vera and Sandy. And Vickie just happened to come along. We're just trying to have a good time. What do you want from me? So, why don't you just take it easy before this gets out of hand. +Hey Joey, whadda ya lookin' to die young? I'll suck your eyes out! I'll fuckin' take the two of you. +What're you doin' with Salvy? You shouldn't be here with him. Jake's away killin' himself. Suppose he found out. What the hell am I doing wrong? Just because Jake is training, I can't go out? What am I, a goddamn prisoner? +What the hell am I doing wrong? Just because Jake is training, I can't go out? What am I, a goddamn prisoner? No, you're his wife. +No, you're his wife. I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just trying to have a good time. Do I have to be cooped up in the house all the time? +I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just trying to have a good time. Do I have to be cooped up in the house all the time? It don't look right. +It don't look right. Well, go ahead, tell Jake. He's gonna kill me anyway. It's a matter of time. +Well, go ahead, tell Jake. He's gonna kill me anyway. It's a matter of time. I'm not gonna tell him nothing; but if he finds out, he will kill you. What's the matter with you? Aren't you happy? You got everything you want. +I'm not gonna tell him nothing; but if he finds out, he will kill you. What's the matter with you? Aren't you happy? You got everything you want. You don't sleep with him. I do. I don't get to breathe without tellin' him. He keeps me in a cage. If he thinks I'm lookin' at somebody the wrong way, I get used as a punching bag. He don't trust nobody. If he saw the two of us talking together right now, you'd be in trouble too -- believe me. Look at me, Joey. I'm 19 years old. I wanna enjoy my life. I love Jake, but you don't know. He gets crazy sometimes. I'm scared. +You don't sleep with him. I do. I don't get to breathe without tellin' him. He keeps me in a cage. If he thinks I'm lookin' at somebody the wrong way, I get used as a punching bag. He don't trust nobody. If he saw the two of us talking together right now, you'd be in trouble too -- believe me. Look at me, Joey. I'm 19 years old. I wanna enjoy my life. I love Jake, but you don't know. He gets crazy sometimes. I'm scared. Try to understand, Vickie. Jake's got a lotta aggravation. He's been a top contender too long. +Try to understand, Vickie. Jake's got a lotta aggravation. He's been a top contender too long. That's right, take his part. You're his brother. He's never gonna be champ. Too many people are against him. +That's right, take his part. You're his brother. He's never gonna be champ. Too many people are against him. And you're drinking with them right now. +And you're drinking with them right now. And I'm gonna finish my drink. And, I'm gonna have a good time, because I ain't doing nothing wrong. +This is Doyle's house. This is L. B. Jefferies, a friend of Tom's. Who am I talking with? +This is the baby sitter. Oh. When are they expected home? +Oh. When are they expected home? I'm hired 'til one. They went to dinner and maybe night-clubbing. +I'm hired 'til one. They went to dinner and maybe night-clubbing. Well, if he calls in, tell him to get in touch with L. B. Jefferies right away. I might have quite a surprise for him. +Well, if he calls in, tell him to get in touch with L. B. Jefferies right away. I might have quite a surprise for him. Does he have your number, Mr. Jefferies? +Does he have your number, Mr. Jefferies? He has it. Thank you. +He has it. Thank you. Goodnight. +Indo-China -- Jeff predicted it would go sky-high. From the looks of Davidson's cable, it might even go higher than that. And we haven't even got a camera over there. +From the looks of Davidson's cable, it might even go higher than that. And we haven't even got a camera over there. This could go off in a month -- or an hour. +This could go off in a month -- or an hour. I'll pull somebody out of Japan. +I'll pull somebody out of Japan. Bryce, the only man for this job is sitting right here in town. Get me L. B. Jefferies. +Bryce, the only man for this job is sitting right here in town. Get me L. B. Jefferies. Jefferies? +Jefferies? Name me a better photographer. +Name me a better photographer. But his leg! +But his leg! Don't worry -- it comes off today. +It was in her favorite handbag -- And, Mr. Doyle, that can lead to only one conclusion. Namely? +Like disposing of their wives? Get that idea out of your mind. It will only lead you in the wrong direction. +Of course, it's normal for a man to tie his trunk up with a heavy rope. When the lock is broken -- yes. +Mrs. -- Thorwald's -- clothes. -- Clean -- carefully packed -- not too stylish -- but presentable. Didn't you take it to the crime lab? +I would say that is looked as if she wasn't coming back. That's what they call a family problem. +You didn't see the killing, or the body? How do you know there was a murder? Because everything that man's done has been suspicious. Trips at night in the rain, saws, knives, trunks with rope, and a wife that isn't there any more. +Because everything that man's done has been suspicious. Trips at night in the rain, saws, knives, trunks with rope, and a wife that isn't there any more. I'll admit it all has a mysterious sound -- but is could mean a number of different things. Murder is the least likely. +I'll admit it all has a mysterious sound -- but is could mean a number of different things. Murder is the least likely. Go ahead, Doyle -- tell me he's an unemployed magician -- amusing the neighborhood with sleight-of-hand. +It's too stupid and obvious a way to murder -- in full view of fifty windows -- and then sit over there -- -- smoking a cigar -- waiting for the police to pick him up. Well, officer -- do your duty. +Well, officer -- do your duty. You've got a lot to lean about homicide, Jeff. Morons have committed murder so shrewdly that it took a hundred trained police minds to catch them. That salesman wouldn't just knock off his wife after dinner, toss her in a trunk and put her in storage. +You've got a lot to lean about homicide, Jeff. Morons have committed murder so shrewdly that it took a hundred trained police minds to catch them. That salesman wouldn't just knock off his wife after dinner, toss her in a trunk and put her in storage. I'll bet it's been done. +I'll bet it's been done. Almost everything's been done -- under panic. But this is a thousand to one shot. That man's still sitting around his apartment; he isn't panicked. +Almost everything's been done -- under panic. But this is a thousand to one shot. That man's still sitting around his apartment; he isn't panicked. You think I made all this up? +You think I made all this up? I think you saw something -- that probably has a very simple explanation. +I think you saw something -- that probably has a very simple explanation. For instance? +For instance? His wife took a trip. +His wife took a trip. She -- was -- an -- invalid! +She -- was -- an -- invalid! You told me. I've got to run, Jeff. +You told me. I've got to run, Jeff. All right -- you don't believe me. +I -- uh -- won't report it to the Department. Let me poke into a little on my own. No point in you getting any ridiculous publicity. Thanks. +Thanks. We know the wife is gone. I'll see if I can find out where. +We know the wife is gone. I'll see if I can find out where. Do that. +By the way what happened to your leg? I was jaywalking. +He has a six months lease, and has used up a little over five and a half months of it. Quiet. Drinks, but not to drunkenness. Pays his bill promptly, with money earned as a consume jewelry salesman -- wholesale. Keeps to himself, and none of the neighbors got close to him, or his wife. I think they missed their chance with her. +I think they missed their chance with her. She never left the apartment -- +She never left the apartment -- Then where is she -- in the ice box? +Then where is she -- in the ice box? -- until yesterday morning. +-- until yesterday morning. What time? +What time? Six ayem. +I think that's about the time I fell asleep. Too bad. The Thorwalds were just leaving the apartment house at that time. +Feel a little foolish? Not yet. +Who said they left then? Who left -- where? +Who left -- where? The Thorwalds -- at six in the morning? +The building superintendent, and two tenants. Flat statements -- no hesitation. And they all jibed to the letter. The Thorwalds were leaving for the railroad station. "Now how could anybody guess that? They had, perhaps, signs on their luggage, ""Grand Central Or Bust!""?" +"Now how could anybody guess that? They had, perhaps, signs on their luggage, ""Grand Central Or Bust!""?" The superintendent met Thorwald coming back. He said Thorwald told him he had just put his wife on the train for the country. +The superintendent met Thorwald coming back. He said Thorwald told him he had just put his wife on the train for the country. A very convenient guy -- this superintendent. Have you checked his bank deposits lately? +A very convenient guy -- this superintendent. Have you checked his bank deposits lately? Jeff -- huh? +Jeff -- huh? Well -- what good is his information?!! It's a second-hand version of an unsupported statement by the murderer himself -- Thorwald! Anybody actually see the wife get on the train? +Well -- what good is his information?!! It's a second-hand version of an unsupported statement by the murderer himself -- Thorwald! Anybody actually see the wife get on the train? I hate to remind you -- but this all started because you said she was murdered. Now did anyone, including you, actually see her murdered? +I hate to remind you -- but this all started because you said she was murdered. Now did anyone, including you, actually see her murdered? Doyle -- are you interested in solving a case, or making me look foolish? +Doyle -- are you interested in solving a case, or making me look foolish? If possible -- both. +If possible -- both. Well then do a good job of it! Get over there, and search Thorwald's apartment! It must be knee-deep in evidence. +Well then do a good job of it! Get over there, and search Thorwald's apartment! It must be knee-deep in evidence. I can't do that. +I can't do that. I mean when he goes out for a paper, or a drink, or something. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. +I mean when he goes out for a paper, or a drink, or something. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. I can't do it even if he's gone. +I can't do it even if he's gone. What's the matter? Does he have a courtesy card from the police department? +What's the matter? Does he have a courtesy card from the police department? Now don't get me mad! Even a detective can't walk in anybody's apartment and search it. If I were ever caught in there, I'd lose my badge inside of ten minutes! +Now don't get me mad! Even a detective can't walk in anybody's apartment and search it. If I were ever caught in there, I'd lose my badge inside of ten minutes! Just make sure you're not caught. If you find something, you've got a murderer and nobody will care about a couple of house rules. If you find nothing -- he's clear. +Just make sure you're not caught. If you find something, you've got a murderer and nobody will care about a couple of house rules. If you find nothing -- he's clear. "At the risk of sounding stuffy, Jeff -- I'll remind you of the Constitution, and the phrase ""search warrant"" issued by a judge who knows the Bill of Rights verbatim. He must ask for evidence." +"At the risk of sounding stuffy, Jeff -- I'll remind you of the Constitution, and the phrase ""search warrant"" issued by a judge who knows the Bill of Rights verbatim. He must ask for evidence." Give him evidence. +Give him evidence. "I can hear myself starting out. ""Your Honor -- I have a friend who's an amateur sleuth, an one night, after a heavy supper --"" He'd throw the New York State Penal Code right in my face. -- And it's six volumes." +"I can hear myself starting out. ""Your Honor -- I have a friend who's an amateur sleuth, an one night, after a heavy supper --"" He'd throw the New York State Penal Code right in my face. -- And it's six volumes." By morning there might not be anything left to find in his apartment. +By morning there might not be anything left to find in his apartment. A detective's nightmare. +A detective's nightmare. What do you need before you can search -- bloody footsteps leading up to the door? +What do you need before you can search -- bloody footsteps leading up to the door? One thing I don't need is heckling! You called and asked me for help -- and now you're acting like a taxpayer! +One thing I don't need is heckling! You called and asked me for help -- and now you're acting like a taxpayer! How did we ever stand each other in that same plane for three years? +How did we ever stand each other in that same plane for three years? You know, every day for three years I asked myself that same question? +You know, every day for three years I asked myself that same question? Ever get an answer? +Ever get an answer? "Yeah -- frequently -- it ran something like this: ""Your request for transfer turned down --""" +Forget the story -- find the trunk. Mrs. Thorwald's in it! Oh -- I almost forgot! +Is -- is Anna -- who I think it is? Mrs. Thorwald. +Enough to scare me that you wouldn't get here in time, and we'd lose him. You think he's getting out of here? +You think he's getting out of here? Everything he owns is laid out on the bedroom, ready for packing. +Jewelry? He has his wife's jewelry hidden in among his clothes over there. +He has his wife's jewelry hidden in among his clothes over there. You sure it belongs to his wife? +That wasn't Mrs. Thorwald who left with him yesterday morning? You figured that out, huh? +Did you ever own a saw? Well, in the garage, back home, we -- +Well, in the garage, back home, we -- And how many people did you cut up with the couple of with it? Or hundred knives you've probably owned in your lifetime? +But I'm not a killer! Your logic is backward. +If I'd been careful piloting that reconnaissance plane, you wouldn't have taken the kind of pictures that got you a medal, a big job, fame, money -- All the things I hate. +Oh -- that phone call! I gave them your number -- hope you don't mind. "That depends on who ""they"" were." +"That depends on who ""they"" were." The police Department at Merritsville. They called to report. The trunk was just picked up -- by Mrs. Anna Thorwald. +Jefferies. This is Doyle, Jeff. +This is Doyle, Jeff. Tom, I've got something real big for you. +Tom, I've got something real big for you. Look Jeff, don't louse up my night with another man killer stuffing a grisly trunk that turns out to be -- +Look Jeff, don't louse up my night with another man killer stuffing a grisly trunk that turns out to be -- Listen to me! Lisa's been arrested. +Listen to me! Lisa's been arrested. Your Lisa? +Your Lisa? My Lisa. She went into Thorwald's apartment, and he came back. The only way I could get her out was to call the police. +My Lisa. She went into Thorwald's apartment, and he came back. The only way I could get her out was to call the police. I told you that -- +I told you that -- I know what you told me! She went in to get evidence, and she came out with it. +I know what you told me! She went in to get evidence, and she came out with it. Like what? +Like what? Like Mrs. Thorwald's wedding ring. If that woman were still alive, she'd be wearing it. +Like Mrs. Thorwald's wedding ring. If that woman were still alive, she'd be wearing it. A possibility. +A possibility. A fact! Last night he killed a dog for pawing in his garden. Why? Because he had something buried in there. Something a dog could scent. +A fact! Last night he killed a dog for pawing in his garden. Why? Because he had something buried in there. Something a dog could scent. Like an old hambone? +Like an old hambone? I don't know what pet name Thorwald had for his wife. And that night he went out half a dozen times with the metal suitcase. He wasn't taking his possessions, because they're up in his apartment now! +I don't know what pet name Thorwald had for his wife. And that night he went out half a dozen times with the metal suitcase. He wasn't taking his possessions, because they're up in his apartment now! "You think perhaps it was ""old hambone?""" +"You think perhaps it was ""old hambone?""" In sections! And one other thing, doubting Tom -- it just occurred to me that all the calls Thorwald made were long distance! If he called his wife the day she left -- after she arrived in Merritsville -- why did she need to send him a postcard saying she'd arrived? +In sections! And one other thing, doubting Tom -- it just occurred to me that all the calls Thorwald made were long distance! If he called his wife the day she left -- after she arrived in Merritsville -- why did she need to send him a postcard saying she'd arrived? Where'd they take Lisa? +Where'd they take Lisa? Precinct Six. I sent a friend over with bail money. +Precinct Six. I sent a friend over with bail money. Maybe you won't need it. I'll run it down, Jeff. +Just don't dally. Thorwald knows he's being watched. He won't hang around long. If that ring checks out, we'll give him an escort. So long. +Jefferies. Congratulations, Jeff. +Congratulations, Jeff. For what? +For what? For getting rid of that cast. +For getting rid of that cast. Who said I was getting rid of it? +This is Wednesday. Gunnison -- how did you get to be such a big editor -- with such a small memory? +Gunnison -- how did you get to be such a big editor -- with such a small memory? Wrong day? +Wrong day? Wrong week. Next Wednesday I emerge from this plaster cocoon. +Wrong week. Next Wednesday I emerge from this plaster cocoon. That's too bad, Jeff. Well, I guess I can't be lucky every day. Forget I called. +That's too bad, Jeff. Well, I guess I can't be lucky every day. Forget I called. Yeah. I sure feel sorry for you, Gunnison. Must be rough on you thinking of me wearing this cast another whole week. +Where? Indo-China. Got a code tip from the bureau chief this morning. The place is about to go up in smoke. +Indo-China. Got a code tip from the bureau chief this morning. The place is about to go up in smoke. Didn't I tell you! Didn't I tell you it was the next place to watch? +Didn't I tell you! Didn't I tell you it was the next place to watch? You did. +You did. Okay. When do I leave? Half-hour? An hour? +Okay. When do I leave? Half-hour? An hour? With that cast on -- you don't. +With that cast on -- you don't. Stop sounding stuffy. I'll take pictures from a jeep. From a water buffalo if necessary. +Stop sounding stuffy. I'll take pictures from a jeep. From a water buffalo if necessary. You're too valuable to the magazine for us to play around with. I'll send Morgan or Lambert. +You're too valuable to the magazine for us to play around with. I'll send Morgan or Lambert. Swell. I get myself half-killed for you -- and you reward me by stealing my assignments. +Swell. I get myself half-killed for you -- and you reward me by stealing my assignments. I didn't ask you to stand in the middle of that automobile race track. +I didn't ask you to stand in the middle of that automobile race track. You asked for something dramatically different! You got it! +You asked for something dramatically different! You got it! So did you. Goodbye, Jeff. +So did you. Goodbye, Jeff. You've got to get me out of here! Six weeks -- sitting in a two-room apartment with nothing to do but look out the window at the neighbors! +Read some good books. I've been taking pictures so long I don't know how to read anymore. +I've been taking pictures so long I don't know how to read anymore. I'll send you some comic books. +I'll send you some comic books. Listen -- if you don't pull me out of this swamp of boredom -- I'll do something drastic. +Listen -- if you don't pull me out of this swamp of boredom -- I'll do something drastic. Like what? +Like what? I'll -- I'll get married. Then I'll never be able to go anywhere. +I'll -- I'll get married. Then I'll never be able to go anywhere. It's about time you got married -- before you turn into a lonesome and bitter old man. +It's about time you got married -- before you turn into a lonesome and bitter old man. Can you see me -- rushing home to a hot apartment every night to listen to the automatic laundry, the electric dishwasher, the garbage disposal and a nagging wife. +Can you see me -- rushing home to a hot apartment every night to listen to the automatic laundry, the electric dishwasher, the garbage disposal and a nagging wife. Jeff -- wives don't nag anymore -- they discuss. +Yeah? Maybe in the high rent districts they discuss -- but in my neighborhood, they still nag. Well -- you know best. Call you later, Jeff. +Well -- you know best. Call you later, Jeff. Next time, have some good news. +Hello. Gunnison? +Gunnison? Yeah. Is that you, Jeff? +Yeah. Is that you, Jeff? It's me. +It's me. Something wrong? +Something wrong? "The word is ""everything."" Now what time does my plane leave Tuesday?" +"The word is ""everything."" Now what time does my plane leave Tuesday?" Jeff -- +Jeff -- I don't care where it goes -- just as long as I'm on it. +I don't care where it goes -- just as long as I'm on it. Okay. Indo-China. Tuesday. We'll pick you up. +Okay. Indo-China. Tuesday. We'll pick you up. That's more like it. Goodnight, old buddy. +That's more like it. Goodnight, old buddy. Yeah. +Hello. Did you get my note? +Well -- did you get it, Thorwald? Who are you? +Who are you? I'll give you a chance to find out. Meet me in the bar at the Brevoort -- and do it right away. +I'll give you a chance to find out. Meet me in the bar at the Brevoort -- and do it right away. Why should I? +Why should I? For a little business meeting -- to settle the estate of your late wife. +For a little business meeting -- to settle the estate of your late wife. I don't know what you mean. +I don't know what you mean. Now stop wasting time, Thorwald, or I'll hang up and call the police. +Now stop wasting time, Thorwald, or I'll hang up and call the police. I only have a hundred dollars or so. +I only have a hundred dollars or so. That's a start. I'm at the Brevoort now. I'll be looking for you. +Can you get me that ring back? No. +No. Tell her to bring it back! +I can't. The police have it by now. Then if the police get me -- you won't be around to laugh! +Readers' Digest, April, 1939. Well, I only quote from the best. +I predicted it. How? +Stella -- in economics, a kidney ailment has no relationship to the stock market. Absolutely none. It crashed, didn't it? +Right now I'd even welcome trouble. You've got a hormone deficiency. +You've got a hormone deficiency. How can you tell that from a thermometer! +How can you tell that from a thermometer! Those sultry sun-worshipers you watch haven't raised your temperature one degree in four weeks. +I knew it! Don't you ever heat that stuff up. +Don't you ever heat that stuff up. Gives your circulation something to fight. What kind of trouble? +Gives your circulation something to fight. What kind of trouble? Lisa Fremont. +Lisa Fremont. You must be kidding. A beautiful young woman, and you a reasonably healthy specimen of manhood. +You must be kidding. A beautiful young woman, and you a reasonably healthy specimen of manhood. She expects me to marry her. +She expects me to marry her. That's normal. +That's normal. I don't want to. +I don't want to. That's abnormal. +That's abnormal. I'm not ready for marriage. +I'm not ready for marriage. Nonsense. A man is always ready for marriage -- with the right girl. And Lisa Fremont is the right girl for any man with half a brain, who can get one eye open. +Nonsense. A man is always ready for marriage -- with the right girl. And Lisa Fremont is the right girl for any man with half a brain, who can get one eye open. She's all right. +Behind every ridiculous statement is always hidden the true cause. What is it? You have a fight? No. +No. Her father loading up the shotgun? +Her father loading up the shotgun? Stella! +Stella! It's happened before, you know! Some of the world's happiest marriage have started 'under the gun' you might say. +It's happened before, you know! Some of the world's happiest marriage have started 'under the gun' you might say. She's just not the girl for me. +She's just not the girl for me. She's only perfect. +She's only perfect. Too perfect. Too beautiful, too talented, too sophisticated, too everything -- but what I want. +Too perfect. Too beautiful, too talented, too sophisticated, too everything -- but what I want. Is what you want something you can discuss? +It's very simple. She belongs in that rarefied atmosphere of Park Avenue, expensive restaurants, and literary cocktail parties. People with sense can belong wherever they're put. +People with sense can belong wherever they're put. Can you see her tramping around the world with a camera bum who never has more than a week's salary in the bank? If only she was ordinary. +You're never going to marry? Probably. But when I do, it'll be to someone who thinks of life as more than a new dress, a lobster dinner, and the latest scandal. I need a woman who'll go anywhere, do anything, and love it. +The only honest thing to do is call it off. Let her look for somebody else. "I can just hear you now. ""Get out of here you perfect, wonderful woman! You're too good for me!""" +"I can just hear you now. ""Get out of here you perfect, wonderful woman! You're too good for me!""" That's the hard part. +Look, Mr. Jefferies. I'm not educated. I'm not even sophisticated. But I can tell you this -- when a man and a woman see each other, and like each other -- they should come together -- wham like two taxies on Broadway. Not sit around studying each other like specimens in at bottle. There's an intelligent way to approach marriage. +There's an intelligent way to approach marriage. Intelligence! Nothing has caused the human race more trouble. Modern marriage! +We've progressed emotionally in -- Baloney! Once it was see somebody, get excited, get married -- Now, it's read books, fence with four syllable words, psychoanalyze each other until you can't tell a petting party from a civil service exam +Baloney! Once it was see somebody, get excited, get married -- Now, it's read books, fence with four syllable words, psychoanalyze each other until you can't tell a petting party from a civil service exam People have different emotional levels that -- +People have different emotional levels that -- Ask for trouble and you get it. Why there's a good boy in my neighborhood who went with a nice girl across the street for three years. Then he refused to marry her. Why? -- Because she only scored sixty-one on a Look Magazine marriage quiz! +When I married Myles, we were both maladjusted misfits. We still are. And we've loved every minute of it. That's fine, Stella. Now would you make me a sandwich? +Okay -- but I'm going to spread some common sense on the bread. Lisa Fremont's loaded to her fingertips with love for you. I'll give you two words of advice. Marry her. She pay you much? +The insurance Company would be a lot happier if you slept in your bed, not the wheelchair. How did you know! +How did you know! Eyes bloodshot. Must have been staring out the window for hours. +Eyes bloodshot. Must have been staring out the window for hours. I was. +I was. What'll you do if one of them catches you? +What'll you do if one of them catches you? Depends one which one. +Keep your mind off her. She's real eat, drink and be merry girl. +She's real eat, drink and be merry girl. And she'll end up fat, alcoholic and miserable. +And she'll end up fat, alcoholic and miserable. Speaking of misery, Miss Lonely Hearts drank herself to sleep again. Alone. +Speaking of misery, Miss Lonely Hearts drank herself to sleep again. Alone. Poor girl. Someday she'll find her happiness. +Poor girl. Someday she'll find her happiness. And some man will lose his. +And some man will lose his. Isn't there anyone in the neighborhood who might cast an eye in her direction? +Isn't there anyone in the neighborhood who might cast an eye in her direction? Well, the salesman could be available soon. +Well, the salesman could be available soon. He and his wife splitting up? +He and his wife splitting up? It's hard to figure. He went out several time last night, in the rain carrying his sample case. +It's hard to figure. He went out several time last night, in the rain carrying his sample case. Isn't he a salesman? +Isn't he a salesman? Now what could he sell at three in the morning? +Now what could he sell at three in the morning? Flashlights. Luminous dials for watches. House numbers that light up. +Flashlights. Luminous dials for watches. House numbers that light up. He was taking something out of the apartment. I'm certain. +His personal effects. He's probably running away -- the coward. Sometimes it's worse to stay than it is to run. +Sometimes it's worse to stay than it is to run. But it takes a particularly low type of man to do it. +What about this morning? Any developments? No. The shades are still drawn in their apartment. +No. The shades are still drawn in their apartment. In this heat? They're up now. +A Federal offense. Get back there! He'll see you! +I'm not shy. I've been looked at before. It's not an ordinary look. It's the kind of look a man gives when he's afraid somebody might be watching him. +Goodbye, Mr. Jefferies. I'll see you tomorrow. Uh-huh. +Stella, I -- I can't tell you what a welcome sight this is. No wonder your husband's still in love with you. Police? +Police? Huh? +Huh? You called the police? +You called the police? Oh. Well, yes and no. It wasn't an official call. He's just a friend. An old, ornery friend. +I'm just going to get the name of their truck! I'll watch the alleyway -- in case it goes that way. +Mrs. Thorwald? Uh-uh. The dog. I think I know now why Thorwald killed it. +You mean the one the dog was sniffing around? And digging in. Look at that flower bed. +There's a dip at this end. And since when do flowers grow shorter in two weeks? There's something buried there. +You shouldn't have let her do that! If he ever -- Look! +Thank heaven that's over! I have a feeling we've just begun. +I wonder. What? +What? Miss Lonely Hearts just laid out something that looks like sodium trieckonal capsules. +Miss Lonely Hearts just laid out something that looks like sodium trieckonal capsules. You can tell that from here? +You can tell that from here? I handled enough of those red pills to put everybody in New Jersey asleep for the winter. +I handled enough of those red pills to put everybody in New Jersey asleep for the winter. Would four of them -- ? +Would four of them -- ? No -- but it makes the rest easy to take. And she's reading the Bible. +No -- but it makes the rest easy to take. And she's reading the Bible. Then I wouldn't worry too much. But let's keep an eye on her. +You know? You might not be too bad a bargain for Lisa after all. You don't say! I might just take that compliment as an insult. +What are you two talking about? Got a shovel? +Got a shovel? No. +No. There's probably one in the basement. +There's probably one in the basement. Now wait a minute -- +You know, Miss Fremont -- he might just have something there. There's no point in taking unnecessary chances. Give me the phone book, Lisa. +What's she trying to do? Why doesn't she turn him in? Smart girl. +Smart girl. Smart? She'll be arrested! +Smart? She'll be arrested! That'll get her out of there, won't it? +When you took your first snapshot -- did you ever think it would bring you to this? Stella -- how long do you think he'll stay there? +Stella -- how long do you think he'll stay there? Unless he's dumber than I think, he won't wait 'til his lease is up. +What do you need money for? To bail Lisa out of jail. +One hundred and twenty-seven. How much do you think you'll need? +How much do you think you'll need? First offense burglary -- -- probably two-fifty. The piggy bank. +Ten here. Thirty-three here. Totals one-ninety. Not enough. +Thirty-three here. Totals one-ninety. Not enough. I got twenty or so in my purse. Give me what you've got. +What about the rest? When those cops get a look at Miss Fremont -- they'll even contribute. +Hello. Mrs. Doyle? +Mrs. Doyle? Yes. +Yes. Jeff again. Has Tom come in yet? +Jeff again. Has Tom come in yet? Not yet, Jeff. +Not yet, Jeff. You haven't even heard from him? +You haven't even heard from him? Not a word. +It is something really important, Jeff? I'm afraid it is, Tess. +I'm afraid it is, Tess. I'll have him call the moment I hear from him. +I'll have him call the moment I hear from him. Tell him not to waste time calling. To get over here soon as he can. I think Thorwald's pulling out tonight. +Tell him not to waste time calling. To get over here soon as he can. I think Thorwald's pulling out tonight. Who's Thorwald? +Who's Thorwald? He knows. Don't worry, Tess. It's a man. +He knows. Don't worry, Tess. It's a man. Goodnight, you idiot. +Goodnight, you idiot. Goodnight, Mrs Doyle. +How's your leg? Mmmm -- hurts a little. +Mmmm -- hurts a little. And your stomach? +And your stomach? Empty as a football. +Empty as a football. And you love life? +And you love life? Not too active. +Not too active. Anything else bothering you? +Anything else bothering you? Uh-huh. +The Lisa Fremont who never wears the same dress twice? Only because it's expected of her. +Depends on the quote. Let's see -- there's the plane tickets over, import duties, hidden taxes, profit markups -- -- A steal at eleven hundred dollars. +-- A steal at eleven hundred dollars. That dress should be listed on the stock exchange. +That dress should be listed on the stock exchange. We sell a dozen a day in this price range. +We sell a dozen a day in this price range. Who buys them? Tax collectors? +Something big going on somewhere? Going on right here. It's a big night. +Going on right here. It's a big night. It's just a run-of-the-mill Monday. The calendar's loaded with them. +It's opening night of the last depressing week of L. B. Jefferies in a cast. Hasn't been any big demand for tickets. +Picked it up in Shanghai -- which has also seen better days. It's cracked -- and you never use it. And it's too ornate. I'm sending up a plain, flat silver one -- with just your initials engraved. +It's cracked -- and you never use it. And it's too ornate. I'm sending up a plain, flat silver one -- with just your initials engraved. Now that's no way to spend your hard- earned money! +Now that's no way to spend your hard- earned money! I wanted to, Jeff. Oh! +"What would you think of starting off with dinner at the ""21""?" You have, perhaps, an ambulance outside? +Big enough? Fine. Corkscrew's on the right. +I couldn't think of anything more boring and tiresome than what you've been through. And the last week must be the hardest. Yeah -- I want to get this thing off and get moving. +Yeah -- I want to get this thing off and get moving. Well, I'm going to make this a week you'll never forget. +What a day I've had! Tired? +Tired? "Not a bit. I was all morning in a sales meeting. Then over to the Waldorf for a quick drink with Madame Dufresne -- just over from Paris. With some spy reports. Back to the ""21"" for lunch with the Harper's Bazaar people -- that's when I ordered dinner. Then two Fall showings -- twenty blocks apart. Then I had to have a cocktail with Leland and Slim Hayward -- we're trying to get his next show. Then I had to dash back and change." +"Not a bit. I was all morning in a sales meeting. Then over to the Waldorf for a quick drink with Madame Dufresne -- just over from Paris. With some spy reports. Back to the ""21"" for lunch with the Harper's Bazaar people -- that's when I ordered dinner. Then two Fall showings -- twenty blocks apart. Then I had to have a cocktail with Leland and Slim Hayward -- we're trying to get his next show. Then I had to dash back and change." Tell me -- what was Slim Hayward wearing? +Tell me -- what was Slim Hayward wearing? She looked very cool. She had on a mint green -- +You can't buy that kind of publicity. That's good news. +That's good news. Someday you might want to open up your own studio here. +Someday you might want to open up your own studio here. How could I run it from say -- Pakistan? +Jeff -- isn't it time you came home? You could pick your assignment. I wish there was one I wanted. +I wish there was one I wanted. Make the one you want. +Make the one you want. You mean leave the magazine? +You mean leave the magazine? Yes. +Yes. For what? +For what? For yourself -- and me. I could get you a dozen assignments tomorrow... fashion, portraits -- +Don't laugh. -- I could do it! That's what I'm afraid of. Could you see me -- driving down to the fashion salon in a jeep -- wearing combat boots and a three day beard? +That's what I'm afraid of. Could you see me -- driving down to the fashion salon in a jeep -- wearing combat boots and a three day beard? I could see you looking handsome and successful in a dark blue flannel suit. +I could see you looking handsome and successful in a dark blue flannel suit. Let's not talk any more nonsense, huh? +"That's what is know as ""manless melancholia.""" Miss Lonely Hearts. At least that's something you'll never have to worry about. +Miss Lonely Hearts. At least that's something you'll never have to worry about. Oh? You can see my apartment all the way up on 63rd street? +Oh? You can see my apartment all the way up on 63rd street? Not exactly -- but we have a little apartment here that's probably about as popular as yours. You, of course, remember Miss Torso. +Well, she picked the most prosperous looking one. She's not in love with him -- or any of them. +She's not in love with him -- or any of them. How can you tell that -- from here? +How can you tell that -- from here? You said it resembled my apartment, didn't you? +Oh... some songwriter. In the studio apartment. Lives alone. Probably had an unhappy marriage. I think it's enchanting. +Almost as if it were being written especially for us. No wonder he's having so much trouble with it. +If you're saying all this just because you don't want to tell me the truth, because you're hiding something from me, then maybe I can understand -- There's nothing I'm hiding. It's just that -- +There's nothing I'm hiding. It's just that -- It doesn't make sense to me. What's so different about it here from over there, or any place you go, that one person couldn't live in both places just as easily? +It doesn't make sense to me. What's so different about it here from over there, or any place you go, that one person couldn't live in both places just as easily? Some people can. Now if you'll let me explain -- +Some people can. Now if you'll let me explain -- What is it but traveling from one place to another, taking pictures? It's just like being a tourist on an endless vacation. +What is it but traveling from one place to another, taking pictures? It's just like being a tourist on an endless vacation. All right. That's your opinion. You're entitled to it, but -- +All right. That's your opinion. You're entitled to it, but -- It's ridiculous for you to say that it can only be done by a special, private little group of anointed people. +Lisa, simmer down -- will you? You can't fit in here -- I can't fit in there. According to you, people should be born, live an die on the same -- +You can't fit in here -- I can't fit in there. According to you, people should be born, live an die on the same -- Lisa! Shut up! +Did you ever eat fish heads and rice? Of course not. +Of course not. You might have to, if you went with me. Ever try to keep warm in a C-54, at fifteen thousand feet, at twenty below zero? +Oh, I do that all the time. Whenever I have a few minutes after lunch. Ever get shot at, run over, sandbagged at night because people got unfavorable publicity from your camera? +Those high heels would be a lot of use in the jungle -- and those nylons and six-ounce lingerie -- Three. +Three. Well, they'd be very stylish in Finland -- just before you froze to death. Begin to get the idea? +Huh? Try and find a raincoat in Brazil. Even when it isn't raining Lisa, on this job you carry one suitcase. Your home is the available transportation. You sleep rarely, bathe even less, and sometime the food you even look at when they were alive! Jeff, you don't have to be deliberately repulsive just to impress me I'm wrong. +Jeff, you don't have to be deliberately repulsive just to impress me I'm wrong. If anything, I'm making it sound good. Let's face it, Lisa... you aren't made for that kind of a life. Few people are. +You don't think either one of us could ever change? Right now, it doesn't seem so. +And it's deflating to find out that the only way I can be part of it -- is to take out a subscription to your magazine. I guess I'm not the girl I thought I was. There's nothing wrong with you, Lisa. You have the town in the palm of your hand. +There's nothing wrong with you, Lisa. You have the town in the palm of your hand. Not quite -- it seems. Goodbye, Jeff. +Not quite -- it seems. Goodbye, Jeff. "You mean ""goodnight.""" +"You mean ""goodnight.""" I mean what I said. +Can't we just sort of keep things status quo? Without any future? +I'm not exactly on the other side of the room. Your mind is. And when I want a man, I want all of him. +Don't you ever have any problems? I have one now. +I have one now. So do I. +So do I. Tell me about it. +Tell me about it. Why would a man leave his apartment three times, on a rainy night, with a suitcase? And come back three times? +Why would a man leave his apartment three times, on a rainy night, with a suitcase? And come back three times? He likes the way his wife welcomes him home. +He likes the way his wife welcomes him home. Not that salesman's wife. And why didn't he go to work today? +Not that salesman's wife. And why didn't he go to work today? Homework. It's more interesting. +Homework. It's more interesting. What's interesting about a butcher's knife and a small saw wrapped up in a newspaper? +What's interesting about a butcher's knife and a small saw wrapped up in a newspaper? Nothing, thank heaven. +Nothing, thank heaven. Why hasn't he gone into his wife's bedroom all day? +Why hasn't he gone into his wife's bedroom all day? I wouldn't dare answer that. +I wouldn't dare answer that. Lisa -- there's something terribly wrong. +What do you think? Something too frightful to utter. +Jeff -- if you could only see yourself. Now, Lisa -- +Now, Lisa -- Sitting around, looking out a window to kill time, is one thing -- but doing it the way you are -- -- with, with binoculars, and with wild opinions about every little movement you see -- is, is diseased! +Sitting around, looking out a window to kill time, is one thing -- but doing it the way you are -- -- with, with binoculars, and with wild opinions about every little movement you see -- is, is diseased! Do you think I consider this recreation? +Do you think I consider this recreation? I don't know what you consider it -- but if you don't stop it, I'm getting out of here. +I don't know what you consider it -- but if you don't stop it, I'm getting out of here. You'd better before you catch the disease! +You'd better before you catch the disease! What is it you're looking for? +What is it you're looking for? I want to find out what's wrong with the salesman's wife. Does that make me sound like a madman? +I want to find out what's wrong with the salesman's wife. Does that make me sound like a madman? What makes you think something's wrong with her? +What makes you think something's wrong with her? A lot of things. She's an invalid who needs constant care -- and yet the husband nor anyone else has been in there all day. +A lot of things. She's an invalid who needs constant care -- and yet the husband nor anyone else has been in there all day. Maybe she died. +Maybe she died. Where's the doctor -- the undertakers? +Where's the doctor -- the undertakers? She could be under sedatives, sleeping. He's in the room now. +Lisa, please! There's nothing to see. +There's nothing to see. There is -- I've seen things through that window! Bickering, family fights, mysterious trips at night, knives, saws, rope -- and since last evening, not a sight or sound of his wife! Now you tell me where she is and what she's doing! +There is -- I've seen things through that window! Bickering, family fights, mysterious trips at night, knives, saws, rope -- and since last evening, not a sight or sound of his wife! Now you tell me where she is and what she's doing! Maybe he's leaving his wife. I don't know, and I don't care. Lots of people have saws, knives and ropes around their houses. Lots of men don't speak to their wives all day. Lots of wives nag, and men hate them, and trouble starts -- but very, very, very few of them end up in murder -- if that's what you're thinking. +Maybe he's leaving his wife. I don't know, and I don't care. Lots of people have saws, knives and ropes around their houses. Lots of men don't speak to their wives all day. Lots of wives nag, and men hate them, and trouble starts -- but very, very, very few of them end up in murder -- if that's what you're thinking. It's pretty hard to stay away from that word isn't is? +It's pretty hard to stay away from that word isn't is? You could see all the things he did, couldn't you? +You could see all the things he did, couldn't you? What are you getting at? +What are you getting at? You could see that he did because he had the shades in his apartment up, and walked along the corridor, and the streets and the backyard? +You could see that he did because he had the shades in his apartment up, and walked along the corridor, and the streets and the backyard? Yeah. +Yeah. Jeff, do you think a murderer would let you see all that? That he shouldn't keep his shades down and hide behind them? +Jeff, do you think a murderer would let you see all that? That he shouldn't keep his shades down and hide behind them? That's where he's being clever. Acting nonchalant. +That's where he's being clever. Acting nonchalant. And that's where you're not being clever. He wouldn't parade his crime in front of the open shades. +No comment. Don't you see how silly you're being? +Don't you see how silly you're being? Okay, Lisa -- probably you're right. He's probably in the bedroom now, entertaining his wife with the indian rope trick. I'll admit to criminal insanity. Now when do I start the cure? +The name on the second floor rear mailbox reads Mr. And Mrs. Lars, that's L-A-R-S, Lars Thorwald. What's the apartment house number? +What's the apartment house number? 125 West Ninth Street. +Okay, chief. What's my next assignment. To get on home. +To get on home. All right -- but what's he doing now? +It doesn't seem to be in any hurry. He was just laying all his things out on one of the beds! Coats, suits, shirts, sox, even his wife's -- +That alligator bag his wife had on the bedpost -- What about it? +What about it? He had it hidden in the dresser! Well, at least it was in there. He took it out, went to the phone and called somebody long distance. -- His wife's jewelry was in the handbag. And something about it worried him. He was asking somebody advice over the phone. +He had it hidden in the dresser! Well, at least it was in there. He took it out, went to the phone and called somebody long distance. -- His wife's jewelry was in the handbag. And something about it worried him. He was asking somebody advice over the phone. Someone not his wife? +Someone not his wife? I never saw him ask her for advise before. But she volunteered plenty. +I wonder where he's going now? I don't know. +I don't know. Suppose he doesn't come back again? +Suppose he doesn't come back again? He will. All his things are still piled on the bed. +Well, I guess it's safe to put on some lights now. Not yet! +All day long I've tried to keep my mind on work. Thinking about Thorwald? +Thinking about Thorwald? And you, and you friend Doyle -- Did you hear from him again -- since he left? +And you, and you friend Doyle -- Did you hear from him again -- since he left? Not a word. He was going to check on the railroad station, and the trunk. He must be still on it. +Something on your mind, Lisa? It doesn't make sense to me. +It doesn't make sense to me. What doesn't? +What doesn't? Women aren't that unpredictable. +Women aren't that unpredictable. Lisa -- I can't guess what you're thinking. +A woman has a favorite handbag -- it always hangs on her bedpost where she can get at it. Then she takes a trip and leaves it behind. Why? Because she didn't know she was going on a trip -- and where she was going she wouldn't need a handbag. +But only her husband would know that. And the jewelry! Women don't keep all their jewelry in a purse, all tangled, getting scratched and twisted up. Do they hide it in their husband's clothes? +Do they hide it in their husband's clothes? They do not! And they don't leave it behind them. A woman going anywhere but the hospital would always take makeup, perfume and jewelry. +They do not! And they don't leave it behind them. A woman going anywhere but the hospital would always take makeup, perfume and jewelry. Inside stuff? +Inside stuff? Basic equipment. You don't leave it behind in your husband's drawer in your favorite handbag. +Basic equipment. You don't leave it behind in your husband's drawer in your favorite handbag. I'm with you, sweetie, but Detective Thomas J. Doyle has a pat answer for that. +I'm with you, sweetie, but Detective Thomas J. Doyle has a pat answer for that. That Mrs. Thorwald left at six ayem yesterday with her husband? +That Mrs. Thorwald left at six ayem yesterday with her husband? That's what the witnesses told him. +That's what the witnesses told him. Well, I have a pat rebuttal for Mr. Doyle -- that couldn't be Mrs. Thorwald -- or I don't know women. +Well, I have a pat rebuttal for Mr. Doyle -- that couldn't be Mrs. Thorwald -- or I don't know women. Still -- those witnesses. +Still -- those witnesses. We'll agree they saw a woman -- but she wasn't Mrs. Thorwald. -- That is, yet. +I'd like to see your friend's face when we tell him. He doesn't sound like much of a detective. Don't be too hard on him. He's a steady worker. I wish he'd get there, though. +Don't be too hard on him. He's a steady worker. I wish he'd get there, though. Don't rush me. We have all night. +We have all -- what? Night. I'm going to stay with you. +Night. I'm going to stay with you. You'll have to clear that through my landlord -- +I have the whole weekend off. Well that's fine, but I only have one bed, and -- +Say anything else, and I'll stay tomorrow night too. Lisa, I won't be able to give you any -- +You said I'd have to live out of one suitcase I'll bet yours isn't this small? That's a suitcase? +That's a suitcase? A Mark Cross overnight case, anyway. Compact, but ample enough. +I'll trade you -- my feminine intuition for a bed for the night. I'd be no better than Thorwald, to refuse. +From his landlord -- once a month. It's utterly beautiful. I wish I could be creative. +It's utterly beautiful. I wish I could be creative. You are. You have a talent for creating difficult situations. +You are. You have a talent for creating difficult situations. I do? +I do? Staying the night here, uninvited. +Surprise -- is the most important element of attack. And beside, you're not up on your private eye literature. When they're in trouble, it's always their Girl Friday who gets them out of it. The same girl who keeps him out of the clutches of seductive show girls, and over-passionate daughters of the rich. +The same girl who keeps him out of the clutches of seductive show girls, and over-passionate daughters of the rich. The same. +The same. But he never ends up marrying her. Strange. +But he never ends up marrying her. Strange. Weird. Why don't I slip into something comfortable? +Weird. Why don't I slip into something comfortable? You mean -- like the kitchen? And make us some coffee? +You mean -- like the kitchen? And make us some coffee? Exactly what I had in mind -- along with some brandy. +I hate funny exit lines. Who was the trunk addressed to? +Do you suppose it's ethical to watch a man with binoculars, and a long- focus lens -- until you can see the freckles on the back of his neck, and almost read his mail -- do you suppose it's ethical even if you prove he didn't commit a crime? I'm not much on rear window ethics. +I'm not much on rear window ethics. Of course, they have the same chance. They can look at me like a bug under glass, if they want to. +Of course, they have the same chance. They can look at me like a bug under glass, if they want to. Jeff -- if anybody walked in here, I don't think they'd believe what they see. +Jeff -- if anybody walked in here, I don't think they'd believe what they see. Huh? +Huh? You and me with long faces -- plunged into despair -- because we find out that a man didn't kill his wife. We're two of the most frightening ghouls I've ever known. +"Whatever happened to that old saying ""Love Thy Neighbor.""" I think I'll start reviving it tomorrow, with say -- Miss Torso for a start? +Did Mr. Doyle think I stole this case. No, Lisa -- I don't think he did. +I'll rephrase the question. Thank you. +Do you like it? Well, -- if there was one less thread this way -- -- and two less that way -- -- I might give up bachelorhood. +For a minute, Doyle almost had me convinced I was wrong. But you're not? +But you're not? In the whole courtyard, only one person didn't come to the window. +Do you think this was worth waiting all day to see? Is he cleaning house? +Is he cleaning house? He's washing down the bathroom walls. +Well? It's just a picture of the backyard, that's all. +It's just a picture of the backyard, that's all. I know. But there's one important change. The flowers in Thorwald's pet flower bed. +Something's in there. Those flowers have been taken up, and put back again. It could be -- the knife, and the saw. +Wasn't that close? Too close. +Suppose Mrs. Thorwald's wedding ring was among the jewelry he has in the handbag. During that phone conversation he held up three rings -- one with a diamond -- one with a big stone of some kind -- and one plain gold band. And the last thing she'd leave behind would be her wedding ring! Do you ever leave yours at home? +Jeff, if you're squeamish, just don't look. Now hold on. I'm not a bit squeamish about what might be under those flowers -- but I don't care to watch two women end up like that dog -- +What for? Maybe I can get Thorwald out of the apartment. +I'll try to give you at least fifteen minutes. How? +How? "Chelsea 2-7099. We scared him once. Maybe we can scare him again. I'm using that word ""we"" a little too freely, I guess. I don't take any of the chances." +"Chelsea 2-7099. We scared him once. Maybe we can scare him again. I'm using that word ""we"" a little too freely, I guess. I don't take any of the chances." Shall we vote him in, Stella? +Get an ambulance. Don't move. Try to lie still. Lisa -- I -- I -- can't tell you how scared I was that you -- you might -- +Lisa -- I -- I -- can't tell you how scared I was that you -- you might -- Shut up. I'm all right. +Shut up. I'm all right. Think you've got enough for a search warrant now? +A man is assaulting a woman at one two five west ninth street. Second floor rear. Make it fast. Your name? +Your name? L. B. Jefferies. +L. B. Jefferies. Phone number? +Phone number? Chelsea 2-5598. +Chelsea 2-5598. Two minutes. +Steady Marlon! Wanna make the colored lights go around and around? +What's that? A new disease. +A new disease. Friend of yours? +Friend of yours? I'm glad they let you out. +I'm glad they let you out. Nobody chickened. +Nobody chickened. I heard about it. You're lucky he lived. +I heard about it. You're lucky he lived. They always live. +Buzzie--we better get out of here. What's eating you, Judy? You want him alive? +Feel okay? Give me some dirt. +What's happening? Good luck, Buzz. +You know something? What? +What? You watch too much television. +Hey, he's real abstract and different. I'm cute, too. +Meaning me? What? +What? Chicken? +I thought only punks fought with knives. Who's fighting? This is the test, man. It's a crazy game. +Machismo? Somebody find him a knife. +You satisfied or you want more? How 'bout you? Say the word and you're cold, Jack--you're dead. +Where can we meet? Know the Millertown bluff? +Just him. Stay there. +What you say your name was? Jim Stark. +Jim Stark. Buzz Gundersen. +Buzz Gundersen. Hi. +Hi. Glad to meet you. +Sure. It's fine. Okay. +This is the edge, boy. This is the end. Yeah. +Yeah. I like you, you know? +I like you, you know? Buzz? What are we doing this for? +Buzz? What are we doing this for? We got to do something. Don't we? +We heard firing. He get anybody? You alone? We got a cookaboo inside. He wounded some kid earlier. +We got a cookaboo inside. He wounded some kid earlier. How'd he get in? +How'd he get in? Smashed the front door. +Smashed the front door. Any other entrance? +Any other entrance? Down in back. +What's he going to pull-- Nothing, Crunch. They picked him up like the rest of-- +Nothing, Crunch. They picked him up like the rest of-- You see any cops? +You see any cops? No-- +No-- He's going to cheese, I tell you. Nobody arrested him! +He's going to cheese, I tell you. Nobody arrested him! I think I should go home. +I think I should go home. No. We're going to bring him down. +No. We're going to bring him down. Crunch--my father's--You going to kill him? +Crunch--my father's--You going to kill him? You clean out of your head? Come on! +What time is it? Hang loose. We got all night. +Hang loose. We got all night. That maid saw us. She could identify us too. +That maid saw us. She could identify us too. You still want to go home, Moose? +You still want to go home, Moose? No. +No. Then shut your mouth before your guts run out! +Tell him why we moved here. Hold it, Jim. +Hold it, Jim. You can't protect me. +You can't protect me. You mind if I try? You have to slam the door in my face? I try to get to him--what happens? Don't I give you everything you want? A bicycle--you get a bicycle. A car-- +You mind if I try? You have to slam the door in my face? I try to get to him--what happens? Don't I give you everything you want? A bicycle--you get a bicycle. A car-- You buy me many things. Thank you. +You buy me many things. Thank you. Not just buy! You hear all this talk about not lovely your kids enough. We give you love and affection, don't we? +Mother-- You make any sandwiches? +You make any sandwiches? My first day of school, mother'd make me eat and by golly I could never even swallow till recess-- +So long, young fella. Knock 'em dead, like your old man used to! Sure-- You know something? I have a feeling we're going to stay here. +Sure-- You know something? I have a feeling we're going to stay here. And listen--watch out about the pals you choose--Know what I mean? Don't let them choose you-- +You thought I was Mom? Yeah! +Yeah! It's just this get-up. The girl's out and I was bringing Mom's supper. +It's just this get-up. The girl's out and I was bringing Mom's supper. And you dropped it? +And you dropped it? Yeah! Shh! +Yeah! Shh! That's funny! +That's funny! I better clean this up before she sees it. +You awake? Yes. +Yes. Listen--I took a steak out of the freezer. I thought we could have a real old-fashioned stag party--just the two of us, what do you say? +Listen--I took a steak out of the freezer. I thought we could have a real old-fashioned stag party--just the two of us, what do you say? I'm not hungry. +Hey--I want to ask you something. Shoot, Jimbo. +Shoot, Jimbo. Suppose you knew that you had to do something very dangerous--where you have to prove something you need to know--a question of honor. Would you do it? +Suppose you knew that you had to do something very dangerous--where you have to prove something you need to know--a question of honor. Would you do it? Is there some kind of trick answer? +Is there some kind of trick answer? What would you do, Dad? +What would you do, Dad? I wouldn't do anything hasty. Let's get a little light on the subject. +Blood. How'd that happen! What kind of trouble you in? +How'd that happen! What kind of trouble you in? The kind we've been talking about. Can you answer me now? +The kind we've been talking about. Can you answer me now? Listen--nobody should make a snap decision--This isn't something you just--we ought to consider all the pros and cons-- +Listen--nobody should make a snap decision--This isn't something you just--we ought to consider all the pros and cons-- We don't have time. +We don't have time. We'll make time. Where's some paper. We'll make a list and if we're still stuck then we ought to get some advice-- +What can you do when you have to be a man? Well, now-- +Well, now-- Just give me a direct answer! You going to stop me from going, Dad? +Just give me a direct answer! You going to stop me from going, Dad? You know I never stop you from anything. Believe me--you're at a wonderful age. In ten years you'll look back on this and wish you were a kid again. +You know I never stop you from anything. Believe me--you're at a wonderful age. In ten years you'll look back on this and wish you were a kid again. Ten years? Now, Dad--I need an answer now! +Ten years? Now, Dad--I need an answer now! I just want to show you how foolish you are. When you're older you'll laugh at yourself for thinking this is so important-- +Go ahead. I'm in terrible trouble.--You know that big high bluff near Miller- town Junction? +I'm in terrible trouble.--You know that big high bluff near Miller- town Junction? Sure--there was a bad accident there. They showed the pictures on T.V. +Sure--there was a bad accident there. They showed the pictures on T.V. I was in it. +Will you let him tell it! She never wants to hear. She doesn't care! +Well, just get it off your chest, son. That's not what I mean. I've never done anything right. I've been going around with my head in a sling for years...I don't want to drag you into this but I can't help it. I don't think I can prove anything by going around pretending I'm tough any more, so maybe you look like one thing but you still feel like another. +That's not what I mean. I've never done anything right. I've been going around with my head in a sling for years...I don't want to drag you into this but I can't help it. I don't think I can prove anything by going around pretending I'm tough any more, so maybe you look like one thing but you still feel like another. You're absolutely right! +You're absolutely right! Are you listening to me? You're involved in this! I want to go to the police and tell them I was mixed up in this thing tonight? +Are you listening to me? You're involved in this! I want to go to the police and tell them I was mixed up in this thing tonight? You what? +I don't think so-- Well-- +Except yourself! Will you wait a minute? +Will you wait a minute? You don't want me to go. +You know you did wrong. That's the main thing, isn't it? No! It's nothing! Just nothing! You always told me to tell the truth. You think you can just turn that off? +You'll learn as you get a little older, Jim. I don't want to learn that! +Son--this is all happening so fast-- You better give me something, Dad. You better give me something Mom? +He depended on me. And you can depend on me, son. Trust me. Whatever comes we'll face it together, I swear. +I don't see what's so bad about taking a little drink. You don't? +You don't? No. I definitely don't. I did the sa-- +No. I definitely don't. I did the sa-- He's a minor, Mr. Stark, and it looks to me like he had more than a little drink. +He's a minor, Mr. Stark, and it looks to me like he had more than a little drink. Say, listen-- +Whoa! Whoa! I know you're a little upset but-- Sorry. +Sorry. What about you, Jim? Got anything to say for yourself? +Excuse us a minute? Sure. Sure. +Luck, Jim. Don't forget. Have some cigars. +Have some cigars. No thanks, I don't smoke. +No thanks, I don't smoke. Go on--Give 'em to your friends. +Go on--Give 'em to your friends. No--thanks, very much, Mr. Stark. +You sure? I think I know my son. +I guess I cut pretty loose in my day too. Really, Frank? When was that? +Really, Frank? When was that? Listen--can't you wait till we get home? +Can't you answer? What's the matter with you anyhow? He's just loaded, honey. +He's just loaded, honey. I was talking to Jim. +I was talking to Jim. Let me just explain to you--we just moved here, y'understand? The kid has no friends yet and-- +Was it because we went to that party? You know what kind of drunken brawls those parties turn into-- it's no place for kids. A minute ago you said you didn't care if he drinks. +I guess when I nearly died giving birth to you--that shows how much I don't care! Just relax, please relax! +No! Did anyone see you there? I mean did they get your license number or anything? +Look Jim. Far be it from me to tell you what to do, but there's-- Are you going to preach now? Are we going to have a sermon? +Are you going to preach now? Are we going to have a sermon? I'm just explaining what you mean! You can't be an idealist all your life! Nobody thanks you for sticking your neck out! +I'm just explaining what you mean! You can't be an idealist all your life! Nobody thanks you for sticking your neck out! That's right! +Frank? I'm frightened. What's that pounding? +What's that pounding? I don't know. First I thought it was Jim but-- +I don't know. First I thought it was Jim but-- He's home. I heard the car. +He's home. I heard the car. Are you going down there? +Are you going down there? Look--just relax, will you? +See? It stopped. I still think you should go down. +Who's there? Anyone there? Open it. +Is he there? No, honey. No, he's not here. +Frank! Stay here. That was my son! +John Crawford? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Come with me, John. +She keep it to protect herself, sir. She scared without a man in the house. Where's your mother tonight, Plato? +They not together, sir. We don't see him in a long time now. Do you hear from him, son? +Oh, Mrs. Crawford don't believe in them! Well maybe she better start. +Do you know why you shot those puppies, John? Is that what they call you or do you have a nickname? Plato. +Can you tell me why you killed the puppies, Plato? No, sir. I just went next door to look at them like I always do. They were nursing on their mother and I did it. I guess I'm just no good? +No, sir. I just went next door to look at them like I always do. They were nursing on their mother and I did it. I guess I'm just no good? What do you think's going to happen, you do things like that? +What do you think's going to happen, you do things like that? I don't know. End up in the electric chair? +I don't know. End up in the electric chair? Where did you get the gun? +Where did you get the gun? In my mother's drawer. +You know if the boy ever talked to a psychiatrist? Head-shrinker? +Excuse me--but--You know where I can find--I mean I don't remember his last name-- Look--can't you see I'm writing? +I think his first name's Ray--I have to see him. It's very important. What's the charge? +He's not here. He's not at Juvenile Hall. I don't know where he is. He's out on a call and he'll be out all night. How old are you? My parents know I'm out. They know I'm here. +My parents know I'm out. They know I'm here. Come back tomorrow. +Come back tomorrow. I'll wait for him. +I'll wait for him. Why don't you come back tomorrow, son? Ever been booked before? +Hi. Hi there. +Hi there. You remember me? +You remember me? No. I don't think so-- +No. I don't think so-- I'm sorry--I made a mistake. +Boy! What? +What? Once you been up there, you know you been some place! +You shouldn't monkey with him. What? +What? He's a wheel. So's she. It's hard to make friends with them. +He's a wheel. So's she. It's hard to make friends with them. I don't want to make friends. +What's your name! Jim. What's yours? +Jim. What's yours? Plato. It's a nickname. +Listen, I told you not to fool with them. Now they're waiting for you. I know. That's why I came back. +I know. That's why I came back. You scared? +You scared? I just don't want trouble. +I just don't want trouble. He has a knife. +He has a knife. I saw it. Gee, look at that thing swing, will you? Do you think it never stops? +I saw it. Gee, look at that thing swing, will you? Do you think it never stops? No. It's perpetual motion. +No. It's perpetual motion. Oh, I bet some little guy comes in here at night and pushes it. Go- go-go! +I'm here. They're still there! +Jim--Do you think when the end of the world comes it'll be at night? No. In the morning. +Are you really going to meet them? Who knows. Plato? +Who knows. Plato? What? +What? What's a chickie-run? +How'd you get here? I hitched. +I hitched. Boy, I bet you'd go to a hanging. +Boy, I bet you'd go to a hanging. My personality's showing again. Should I leave? +My personality's showing again. Should I leave? No. It's okay. +I got to go in. You better get home too. Hey--what? Why don't you come home with me? I mean nobody's home at my house--and I'm not tired, are you? I don't have many--people I can talk to. +Why don't you come home with me? I mean nobody's home at my house--and I'm not tired, are you? I don't have many--people I can talk to. Who has? +Who has? If you want to come we could talk and then in the morning we could have breakfast like my dad used to-- Gee...if you could only have been my father...we could... +If you want to come we could talk and then in the morning we could have breakfast like my dad used to-- Gee...if you could only have been my father...we could... Hey...you flipped--or something? You better take off... +Hey...you flipped--or something? You better take off... O.K. G'night. I got to pick up my scooter. See you tomorrow. +O.K. G'night. I got to pick up my scooter. See you tomorrow. Yeah. +Jim! Who's that! +Who's that! It's me! +It's me! How'd you find me? What's happening? +How'd you find me? What's happening? They're looking for you!-- +They're looking for you!-- Yeah? +Yeah? Everybody! Crunch and Goon and everybody! I think they're going to kill you. +Everybody! Crunch and Goon and everybody! I think they're going to kill you. We know. +We know. They think you told the police on them. They--who's in there? +They think you told the police on them. They--who's in there? Judy. +Judy. Help me in! +Hey where'd you go? I'm here. Shut up. +I'm here. Shut up. Come out come out wherever you are! +Come out come out wherever you are! Shut up. Are you nuts? +Shut up. Are you nuts? No. I'm scared. +We're safe here. I hope. What do you think? Wow! Well now-there-then! +Isn't it crazy? Wowee ow wow! Let's take it for the summer. +Nobody talks to children! They just tell them one thing and mean another. It's wonderful that you understand so well--and so young too! You know the most wonderful feature about the nursery? +It's wonderful that you understand so well--and so young too! You know the most wonderful feature about the nursery? What? +What? There's only one key. +There's only one key. We'll take it! +We'll take it! Come on! +Let's see how long we can stay under. Man, you're schizoid! +Man, you're schizoid! I'm what? What? +Isn't he schizoid? Hey! How 'bout that! +Haven't you noticed your personality splitting? Not lately. +How do you know so much about this junk, Plato? I had to go to a head-shrinker. I only went twice though. My mother said it cost too much, so she went to Hawaii instead. +I came here before. When was that? +When was that? When I was here? When I ran away. I used to run away a lot but they always took me back. +When I was here? When I ran away. I used to run away a lot but they always took me back. Who? +Who? Mom and Dad. I used to be in my crib and I'd listen to them fight. +Mom and Dad. I used to be in my crib and I'd listen to them fight. You remember that far back? Boy, I can't even remember yesterday. +What you run out on me for! What you leave me alone for? Plato! +I don't want you for my father! Your father! +You crazy nut! You crazy, crazy nut! Get away from me! +Plato? I'm here. +I'm here. Boy, I'm blind as a bat! You got a match? I'm going to break my neck in here. Where are you? +Boy, I'm blind as a bat! You got a match? I'm going to break my neck in here. Where are you? I've got a gun. +I've got a gun. I know. Light a match, will you? +That's swell. How are you? I'm fine. +You think the end of the world will come at nighttime, Jim? No. At dawn. +No. At dawn. Why? +Why? I just have a feeling. Where are you? +I just have a feeling. Where are you? Here. +Here. Well, stop hiding and stand up. I can't talk to you if I don't see you. +I'm not going to hurt you. PLATO Why did you run out on me? We didn't run out. We were coming right back. +We didn't run out. We were coming right back. You sure? +You sure? Sure I'm sure. Judy's waiting. You ready to come out now? +No. I promise nothing'll happen if you do. You want my jacket? It's warm. +Can I keep it? What do you think? +You want to give me your gun now, Plato? My gun? +My gun? In your pocket. Give it to me. +In your pocket. Give it to me. I need it. +I need it. You trust me, don't you? Just give it to me for a second. +You promised to give it back. Friends never break promises, do they? Okay. Here. Now listen. There are a lot of people outside and they all want you to be safe. You understand that? They said I could come in and bring you out. +Friends never break promises, do they? Okay. Here. Now listen. There are a lot of people outside and they all want you to be safe. You understand that? They said I could come in and bring you out. Why? +Why? They like you. Okay? +They like you. Okay? Come on! +Who's that? Just a guard. +Just a guard. I shot at one of them. +I shot at one of them. But you didn't hurt anybody. +Those aren't my friends. Make them go away. Ray! Will you tell these guys to move back? +Plato! Keep away from me! I don't believe you anymore! +What? Stop tearing me apart! You say one thing and he says another and then everybody changes back-- +Stop tearing me apart! You say one thing and he says another and then everybody changes back-- That's a fine way to behave! +I'm sorry. All right, darling. +Sit down and eat--you'll be late. It'd stick in my throat, Mom. I'm nervous or something-- +'Bye, Mom. Goodbye, dear. +What happened, darling. We were so worried. I was going to take a sleeping pill, but I wouldn't till I knew you were home. I have to talk to someone, Mom. I have to talk to you both. And Dad this time you got to give me an answer. +How! It doesn't matter how. I was driving a stolen car-- +It doesn't matter how. I was driving a stolen car-- Do you enjoy doing this to me or what-- +Do you enjoy doing this to me or what-- Mom--I'm not-- +Mom--I'm not-- And you wanted him to make a list! +I told you Dad, it was a question of honor. They called me chicken-- you know, chicken! I had to go or I would never have been able to face any of those kids again. So I got in one of these cars and a boy called Buzz got in the other. We had to drive fast and jump before the cars went over the edge of the bluff. I got out okay but Buzz didn't. He was killed. Good Lord! +Good Lord! I can't keep it to myself anymore-- +What about the other boys--Do you think they'll go to the police? What's that got to do with it? +What's that got to do with it? Why should you be the only one. +No! I don't want you to go to the police! There were other people and why should you be the only one involved! But I am involved! We're all involved, Mom! A boy was killed! I don't see how we can get out of that by pretending it didn't happen! +He's not saying that! He's saying don't volunteer! Just tell a little white lie? +Well, it doesn't matter anyhow-- because we're moving. No! You're not tearing me loose any more. +No! You're not tearing me loose any more. Do I have to spell it out? +Do I have to spell it out? You're not going to use me as an excuse again, Mom. Every time you can't face yourself you want to move and you say it's because of me or the neighborhood or some other phony excuse. Now I want to do one thing right and I'm not letting you run away. Dad? +Jimmy, you're very young--and a foolish decision now could wreck your whole life. Dad--answer her--aren't you going to stand up for me? +Someone should put poison in her epsom salts. Grandma? +Get lost. Hang loose, boy. I'm warning you. +Hang loose, boy. I'm warning you. Wash up and go home. +Wash up and go home. Big tough character. You don't kid me, pal. How come you're not wearing your boots? +Too bad you didn't connect. You could have gone to Juvenile Hall. That's what you want, isn't it? No. +No. Sure it is. You want to bug us till we have to lock you up. Why? +Sure it is. You want to bug us till we have to lock you up. Why? Leave me alone. +Leave me alone. No. +No. I don't know why--! +I don't know why--! Go on--don't give me that. Someone giving you hard looks? +Go on--don't give me that. Someone giving you hard looks? I just get so-- Boy, sometimes the temperature goes way up. RAY Okay. Okay. Let it out. +You feel like you want to blow your wheels right now? All the time! I don't know what gets into me--but I keep looking for trouble and I always--I swear you better lock me up. I'm going to smash somebody--I know it. +All the time! I don't know what gets into me--but I keep looking for trouble and I always--I swear you better lock me up. I'm going to smash somebody--I know it. Try the desk. +That why you moved from the last town? 'Cause you were in trouble? You can talk about it if you want to--I know about it anyway. Routine check. And they think they are protecting my by moving. +And they think they are protecting my by moving. You were getting a good start in the wrong direction back there. Why did you do it? +You were getting a good start in the wrong direction back there. Why did you do it? Mess that kid up? +He called me chicken. And your folks didn't understand? +And your folks didn't understand? They never do. +They never do. So then you moved? +So then you moved? They think I'll make friends if we move. Just move and everything'll be roses and sunshine. +They think I'll make friends if we move. Just move and everything'll be roses and sunshine. But you don't think that's a solution. +Things pretty tough for you at home? She eats him alive and he takes it. +What a zoo! What? +What? A zoo. He always wants to be my pal, you know? But how can I give him anything when he's--I mean I love him and I don't want to hurt him--but I don't know what to do anymore except maybe die. +A zoo. He always wants to be my pal, you know? But how can I give him anything when he's--I mean I love him and I don't want to hurt him--but I don't know what to do anymore except maybe die. Pretty mixed up? +Pretty mixed up? If he could-- +If he could-- """If he could"" what? You mean your father?" +"""If he could"" what? You mean your father?" I mean if he had the guts to knock Mom cold once I bet she'd be happy and I bet she'd stop picking. They make mush out of him. Just mush. One thing I know is I never want to be like him. +I mean if he had the guts to knock Mom cold once I bet she'd be happy and I bet she'd stop picking. They make mush out of him. Just mush. One thing I know is I never want to be like him. Chicken? +Chicken? I bet you see right through me, don't you? +How can anyone grow up in this circus? You got me, Jim--but they do. Want some water? +You got me, Jim--but they do. Want some water? Boy--if I had one day when I didn't have to be all confused and ashamed of everything--or I felt I belonged some place. +Boy--if I had one day when I didn't have to be all confused and ashamed of everything--or I felt I belonged some place. Here. Look, will you do something for me? If the pot starts boiling again, will you come and see me before you get yourself in a jam? Even if you just want to talk--come in and shoot the breeze. It's easier sometimes than talking to your folks. +Here. Look, will you do something for me? If the pot starts boiling again, will you come and see me before you get yourself in a jam? Even if you just want to talk--come in and shoot the breeze. It's easier sometimes than talking to your folks. Okay-- +Okay-- Any time--day or night. You calmed down enough to go back now? +Any time--day or night. You calmed down enough to go back now? You serious? +Hey! That's enough static out of you. Want me to imitate a stupid cop? +Want me to imitate a stupid cop? Cut it out now. I'm warning you. +Cut it out now. I'm warning you. Yes, ma'am. +Assault with a deadly weapon. Listen-- +Plato! Just walk over here quietly now-- and there won't be any trouble. +Hi. I saw you before. Bully for you. +Bully for you. You don't have to be unfriendly. +You don't have to be unfriendly. Now that's true! +Now that's true! See? +See? """Life is crushing in on me.""" +"""Life is crushing in on me.""" """Life can be beautiful."" Hey, I know where it was." +"""Life can be beautiful."" Hey, I know where it was." Where what was. +Where what was. Where I saw you. Everything going okay now? You live around here? +Where I saw you. Everything going okay now? You live around here? Who lives? +Who lives? See, I'm new. +See, I'm new. Won't mother be proud. +Won't mother be proud. You're really flipped--aren't you. +Where's Dawson High School? You going there? +You going there? Yeah--why-- +Yeah--why-- Dig the square wardrobe! +Dig the square wardrobe! Yeah. So where's the high school? +Yeah. So where's the high school? University and 10th--Want to carry my books? +The kids take me. Oh. +I'll bet you're a real yo yo. A what? +A what? Goodbye! See you! +Goodbye! See you! I'm not so bad. +They'll be looking for you. They saw where I jumped! I didn't chicken! What do I have to do-- kill myself? +They saw where I jumped! I didn't chicken! What do I have to do-- kill myself? It doesn't matter to them. +It doesn't matter to them. You were looking for me, weren't you? +You were looking for me, weren't you? No--I was just--maybe-- +No--I was just--maybe-- I tried to call you before. JUDY I thought so. +You still pretty upset? I'm numb. +You cold? Even if I'm near a fire, I'm cold. I guess just about everybody's cold. +Even if I'm near a fire, I'm cold. I guess just about everybody's cold. I swear, sometimes, you just want to hold onto somebody! Judy, what am I going to do? I can't go home again. +I swear, sometimes, you just want to hold onto somebody! Judy, what am I going to do? I can't go home again. Neither can I. +Neither can I. No? Why not? You know something? Sometimes I figure I'll never live to see my next birthday. Isn't that dumb? +No? Why not? You know something? Sometimes I figure I'll never live to see my next birthday. Isn't that dumb? No. +No. "Every day I look in the mirror and say, ""What? You still here?"" Man!" +Like even today. I woke up this morning, you know? And the sun was shining and everything was nice. Then the first thing that happens is I see you and I thought this is going to be one terrific day so you better live it up, boy, 'cause tomorrow maybe you'll be nothing. I'm sorry I treated you mean today. You shouldn't believe what I say when I'm with the kids. Nobody acts sincere. +I'm sorry I treated you mean today. You shouldn't believe what I say when I'm with the kids. Nobody acts sincere. Why'd you get mixed up with them? You don't have to prove anything. +Why'd you get mixed up with them? You don't have to prove anything. If you knew me you wouldn't say that. +If you knew me you wouldn't say that. I don't think you trust anybody, do you? +I don't think you trust anybody, do you? Why? +Why? I'm getting that way, too. +I'm getting that way, too. Have you ever gone with anyone who-- +Have you ever gone with anyone who-- Sure. Lots of times. +Sure. Lots of times. So have I. But I've never been in love. Isn't that awful? +So have I. But I've never been in love. Isn't that awful? Awful? No. It's just lonely. It's the loneliest time. +Why did you do that? I felt like it. +I felt like it. Your lips are soft when you kiss. +Where you going? I don't know, but we can't stay here. +I don't know, but we can't stay here. Where can we go? I can't go back into that zoo. +Where can we go? I can't go back into that zoo. I'm never going back. +I'm never going back. Listen! I know a place! PLATO showed me before. An old deserted mansion near the planetarium Would you go with me? +You can trust me, Judy. I feel as if I'm walking under water. +Oh, Jim! No--come on. Should we rent or are we in a buying mood, dear? +No--come on. Should we rent or are we in a buying mood, dear? You decide, darling. Remember our budget. +Why don't we just rent it for the season? You see, we've just--oh, you tell him, darling. I'm so embarrassed I could die! +You see, we've just--oh, you tell him, darling. I'm so embarrassed I could die! Well--we're newlyweds. +Well--we're newlyweds. There's just one thing. What about-- +Of course. Drown them like puppies. See, we're very modern. +You can't talk underwater! I bet you hear everything I say! +Ever been in a place like this before? Not exactly. It's certainly huge. +Not exactly. It's certainly huge. How many rooms do you think there are? +How many rooms do you think there are? I don't know. +I don't know. Should we explore? +Want to read any books? Take your pick! Isn't this the craziest? Hi. +Hi. Hi. +What? Your hand's all wet and it's shaky. You're so funny. +Your hand's all wet and it's shaky. You're so funny. Why? +Why? I don't know--you just are. Leaving a light for Plato. That was nice. +I don't know--you just are. Leaving a light for Plato. That was nice. Maybe he's scared of the dark. +Maybe he's scared of the dark. Are you? +Here we are-- out of cigarettes-- Junior's in the nurs'ry-- See how late it gets-- You don't need to do that. +You don't need to do that. There's something I should tell you, Judy. +There's something I should tell you, Judy. I know already. We don't have to pretend now. +I know already. We don't have to pretend now. What a relief! +Is this what it's like to love somebody? You disappointed? +You disappointed? Funny Jimmy. You're so clean and you--this is silly. +Funny Jimmy. You're so clean and you--this is silly. What? +What? You smell like baby powder. +You smell like baby powder. So do you. +So do you. I never felt so clean before. +I never felt so clean before. It's not going to be lonely, Judy. Not for you and not for me. +It's not going to be lonely, Judy. Not for you and not for me. I love somebody. All the time I've been looking for someone to love me and now--I love somebody. And it's so easy. Why is it easy now? +I love somebody. All the time I've been looking for someone to love me and now--I love somebody. And it's so easy. Why is it easy now? It is for me too. +It is for me too. I love you, Jim. I really mean it. +No! We have to go back! +We have to go back! No! I got to find him. +After he tried to shoot you? He didn't mean it--we shouldn't have left him. He needed us. +He didn't mean it--we shouldn't have left him. He needed us. He needed you, maybe. So do I. +You should have heard him talk about you tonight. Like you were the hero in the China Seas. Sure. He was trying to make us his family. +Sure. He was trying to make us his family. They're killing him! +Is he your friend? Yes. My best friend. +Yes. My best friend. What's he like? +What's he like? Oh, I don't know. You have to get to know him. He doesn't say much but when he does you know he means it. He's sincere. +Oh, I don't know. You have to get to know him. He doesn't say much but when he does you know he means it. He's sincere. Well, that's the main thing--don't you think so? +Well, that's the main thing--don't you think so? "Maybe next summer he's going to take me hunting with him--and fishing. I want him to teach me how and I bet he won't get mad if I goof. His name's Jim. It's really James but he likes Jim more. People he really likes--he lets call him ""Jamie.""" +"Maybe next summer he's going to take me hunting with him--and fishing. I want him to teach me how and I bet he won't get mad if I goof. His name's Jim. It's really James but he likes Jim more. People he really likes--he lets call him ""Jamie.""" Want to finish my hamburger? I only took a bite. +Want to finish my hamburger? I only took a bite. Okay. +Don't give it a thought. Only three million dollars a month! Oh, we can manage that! I'll scrimp and save and work my fingers to the bone... +Children? Well, we really don't encourage them. They're so noisy and troublesome, don't you agree? Yes. And so terribly annoying when they cry. I just don't know what to do when they cry, do you dear? +Shall I show you the nursery? It's far away from the rest of the house. If you have children--Oh I hate the word!--or if you decide to adopt one--they can carry on and you'll never even notice. In fact, if you lock them in you never have to see them again, much less talk to them. Talk to them! Heavens! +Plato, where's your father now? He's dead. He was a hero in the China Sea. JIM You told me he's a big wheel in New York! +He's dead. He was a hero in the China Sea. JIM You told me he's a big wheel in New York! I did? Well, he might as well be dead. What's the difference? +I did? Well, he might as well be dead. What's the difference? It's all right. +Hi, Plato! Hi. +Judy--we're ready for you now. He hates me. +He hates me. What? +What? He hates me. +What makes you think he hates you, Judy? I don't think. I know. He looks at me like I'm the ugliest thing in the world. He doesn't like my friends--he-- +He makes you feel pretty unhappy? He calls me a dirty tramp--my own father! +He calls me a dirty tramp--my own father! Do you think your father means that? +Do you think your father means that? Yes! I don't know! I mean maybe he doesn't mean it but he acts like he does. We're altogether and we're going to celebrate Easter and catch a double bill. Big deal. So I put on my new dress and I came out and he-- +Yes! I don't know! I mean maybe he doesn't mean it but he acts like he does. We're altogether and we're going to celebrate Easter and catch a double bill. Big deal. So I put on my new dress and I came out and he-- That one? +That one? Yes--he started yelling for a handkerchief--screaming. He grabbed my face and he rubbed all my lipstick off--he rubbed till I thought I wouldn't have any lips left. And all the time yelling at me--that thing--the thing I told you he called me. Then I ran out of the house. +Yes--he started yelling for a handkerchief--screaming. He grabbed my face and he rubbed all my lipstick off--he rubbed till I thought I wouldn't have any lips left. And all the time yelling at me--that thing--the thing I told you he called me. Then I ran out of the house. Is that why you were wandering around at one o'clock in the morning? +Is that why you were wandering around at one o'clock in the morning? I was just talking a walk. I tried to call the kids but everybody was out and I couldn't find them. I hate my life. I just hate it. +I was just talking a walk. I tried to call the kids but everybody was out and I couldn't find them. I hate my life. I just hate it. You weren't looking for company, were you? +You weren't looking for company, were you? No. +No. Did you stop to talk to anyone, Judy? Do you enjoy that? +Did you stop to talk to anyone, Judy? Do you enjoy that? No. I don't even know why I do it. +No. I don't even know why I do it. Do you think you can get back at your Dad that way? I mean sometimes if we can't get as close to somebody as we'd like we have to try making them jealous--so they'll have to pay attention. Did you ever think of that? +Do you think you can get back at your Dad that way? I mean sometimes if we can't get as close to somebody as we'd like we have to try making them jealous--so they'll have to pay attention. Did you ever think of that? I'll never get close to anybody. +I'll never get close to anybody. Some kids stomped a man on Twelfth Street, Judy. +Some kids stomped a man on Twelfth Street, Judy. You know where they picked me up! Twelfth Street! I wasn't even near there! +You know where they picked me up! Twelfth Street! I wasn't even near there! Would you like to go home if we can arrange it? Did you notify the parents? +Your mother will be down in a few minutes, Judy-- What? +What? Your mother will be down in a few minutes. +Your mother will be down in a few minutes. My mother? +She's being called for. You said you'd call my father. +You said you'd call my father. Goodbye, Judy. Take it easy. +How did you know that? We used to sing it in school. Don't look at me with such horror. They had schools in those days. +We used to sing it in school. Don't look at me with such horror. They had schools in those days. But the same song. I think it's fantastic! +But the same song. I think it's fantastic! We were romantic then too-- +We were romantic then too-- Are you and Mom home tonight? +Are you and Mom home tonight? No. Why? +No. Why? Nothing, only it'd be nice to spend an evening together for a change. +Nothing, only it'd be nice to spend an evening together for a change. With us old creeps? Come on, we have to eat. +With us old creeps? Come on, we have to eat. Daddy-- +Good evening. Hi. +Didn't you forget something? What? +You're too old for that kind of stuff, kiddo. I thought you stopped doing that long ago. I didn't want to stop. +I was talking to Dad. I didn't kiss her so it's a big thing. +I guess I just don't understand anything. I'm tired, Judy. I'd like to change the subject. +I'm tired, Judy. I'd like to change the subject. Why? +Why? I'd like to, that's all. Girls your age don't do that. You need an explanation? +I'd like to, that's all. Girls your age don't do that. You need an explanation? Girls don't love their father? Since when? Since I got to be sixteen? +So. This is the guy you been waiting for. Man of your dreams. Gabriel -- ! +Gabriel -- ! Must have a way with stationery. +Must have a way with stationery. Gabriel, what are you doing! +You better be here to be good to her, loverboy. 'Cause she's been good to you. Gabriel, let him go -- +Gabriel, let him go -- Read a lot about you, Nick. +Read a lot about you, Nick. What are you doing here?! +What are you doing here?! Read you're a man of some knowledge. +Read you're a man of some knowledge. Gabriel! +Gabriel! A man of some travels. +A man of some travels. GABRIEL, I LOVE HIM! +Is this him!? Don't hurt him... +Don't hurt him... Is this the fucker you been writing all year!? +Is this the fucker you been writing all year!? Please, Gabriel, don't... +IS THIS NICK MASON!!?? YES!!! +Gabriel, you promised! I promised that when he helped us, we'd be gone! When he helped us! Loverboy don't want to play! +You promised me! And you promised me you'd get your sweetheart to help! +He'd rather die than be with you, he'd make a fucked-up boyfriend anyway. Bury him all over the place. NO! +Gabriel! You said talk to him. That's all you ever said... We're talking, aren't we? +He wants the money. No, baby. He wants me. +"He wants... your ""sister""..." ...whoever she is. +All those letters are about to pay off, baby... all those letters... To all those cons... +To all those cons... Searching for a money man... +Searching for a money man... We musta written what, twenty of 'em? And they were before this guy. One, two letters apiece, ten to the racetrack guy in Leavenworth -- +We musta written what, twenty of 'em? And they were before this guy. One, two letters apiece, ten to the racetrack guy in Leavenworth -- -- till he fucked his parole -- +-- till he fucked his parole -- -- plus the forty to Mason... how many letters is that? +-- plus the forty to Mason... how many letters is that? That's a book, baby. That's a book of love. +I can't take watching you touch him. I can't take his hands on you. One more day, baby. One more day to Christmas. +One more day, baby. One more day to Christmas. I've been doing good, though. +I've been doing good, though. Didn't have to hit me so fucking hard. Didn't have to throw me outta the goddamn truck. +Didn't have to hit me so fucking hard. Didn't have to throw me outta the goddamn truck. Didn't have to send me down a fucking mountain. +Didn't have to send me down a fucking mountain. What, he should see me help you catch him? +He's shown us the setup, he's drawn us the map, he's helped us do the plan. He wants a gun, give him a gun. Take the bullets out, whatever, but give him the gun. The more manpower we've got in there, the better. He won't try and make his move till the money's in hand. He'll be dead when he does. +Y'know something, baby? If you were my sister? I'd still want to wake up Christmas morning with you... Mmm, baby. And I'd still want to be the tinsel round your tree... +Gabriel! That's for the hundred bucks worth of pay-per-view. And that's for the two hundred you took outta your minibar. +You can't find... what? Toys for adults. Where are your toys for adults? +Toys for adults. Where are your toys for adults? Toys for... adults? +Toys for... adults? C'mon. How old are you, sixteen? C'mon. +C'mon. How old are you, sixteen? C'mon. We sell children's toys -- +We sell children's toys -- I got fifty dollars to spend in your store, Jesus of Nazareth. Can you help me or not? +Slinky's in aisle five, Twister's in aisle one, Moon Mud's in aisle four. Thank you. +Gotta be ten degrees out there. Radio said negative five. +Radio said negative five. Negative five? +Negative five? Yeah. +Yeah. I don't think it's negative five. +I don't think it's negative five. Radio said. +I figured you walked outta there and saw me and walked right the other way -- No, no -- +No, no -- Saw my outfit or something, my coat -- +Saw my outfit or something, my coat -- No, hey, I like your coat -- +No, hey, I like your coat -- Saw me -- +Saw me -- Ashley, no. That was me, that's what I was scared of. I mean, be serious... I ain't exactly looking like Mr. Universe here. +Ashley, no. That was me, that's what I was scared of. I mean, be serious... I ain't exactly looking like Mr. Universe here. You are to me. +Thought you wrote you had a mustache. I can get another one going. Y'know, hey, whatever you want me to -- +I can get another one going. Y'know, hey, whatever you want me to -- No, no, no. Be like you want to be. +Do that again. What. +What. Smile. +No -- One more. Smile. One more. +One more. Smile. One more. No, c'mon -- +No, c'mon -- I've been dreaming about that smile, Ashley Mercer. For a long time. +Tell me something. This the first time you've ever done this? Go to hell, Nick Mason, what's that supposed to mean -- +Go to hell, Nick Mason, what's that supposed to mean -- No, not that, no... I mean this, the whole thing. Start writing to a guy, guy in the bricks. Get a boyfriend like this. Tell me the truth. +No, not that, no... I mean this, the whole thing. Start writing to a guy, guy in the bricks. Get a boyfriend like this. Tell me the truth. Well. You're not the first guy I wrote to. But you're the only one I kept writing to. +Well. You're not the first guy I wrote to. But you're the only one I kept writing to. Yeah. Me too. Why? I mean I know why for me, why I paid for the ad. But you... why start writing to some guy -- some con -- you don't even know? +I told you, Nick. Remember? Tell me again. +Tell me again. All the guys I've ever been with... they never want to know me. Who I am on the inside. They just want to qet inside. When they do, they think that means they know who I am. That I trust them. That they know me. That there's nothing left to learn. A guy like you, Nick -- six months before you can even touch my face. I figure a guy in that kind of bind, he's gonna hafta work to get to know me some other way. +All the guys I've ever been with... they never want to know me. Who I am on the inside. They just want to qet inside. When they do, they think that means they know who I am. That I trust them. That they know me. That there's nothing left to learn. A guy like you, Nick -- six months before you can even touch my face. I figure a guy in that kind of bind, he's gonna hafta work to get to know me some other way. Had some bad relationships, didn't you. +Had some bad relationships, didn't you. Not bad. Just regular. You wrote me wonderful things, Nick. Personal things. +Well, wasn't all me, y'know. Yes it was all you -- +Yes it was all you -- Guy I was in with... he helped sometimes... some of the romantic stuff, actually... you'd like him -- +Guy I was in with... he helped sometimes... some of the romantic stuff, actually... you'd like him -- I'm talking about the heart, Nick. I'm not talking about the words. +I'm talking about the heart, Nick. I'm not talking about the words. Y'know, some of the heart mighta been his too... +Y'know, some of the heart mighta been his too... Then he shoulda signed his name. +Where the hell are you going? Provisions! We are not leaving that motel room again till after New Year's: we need ten days worth of provisions! What's good?! +Ashley, Jesus -- Can't survive on our bodies alone, Nick. Hurry up! +Can't survive on our bodies alone, Nick. Hurry up! Ash... didn't you write me that you don't eat chocolate? +Ash... didn't you write me that you don't eat chocolate? Yeah, well you wrote me you were six- foot-four, baby. So don't talk to me about little white lies. +You need a COAT! Ash, you've gotten me enough -- +Ash, you've gotten me enough -- No boyfriend of mine is going to walk around in negative-five degree wind chill without a goddamn good- looking coat! +Baby, c'mon, all this stuff... I haven't gotten you anything -- You got out, Nick. You're here. You're my Christmas. +You forget where I work? Beauty and fragrances. +Beauty and fragrances. Fifty percent off, motherfucker. Ho ho ho. +Well, I don't know about that -- Blackjack, Nick, blackjack I am good at. I mean, they'd give us some free games or something, wouldn't they? Since you worked there? +Blackjack, Nick, blackjack I am good at. I mean, they'd give us some free games or something, wouldn't they? Since you worked there? Security, Ash, I just worked security. They wouldn't be rolling out the red carpet -- +Security, Ash, I just worked security. They wouldn't be rolling out the red carpet -- And the slots, slots I'm good at too. Wouldn't that be fun? +And the slots, slots I'm good at too. Wouldn't that be fun? We'll have more fun in Detroit. +We'll have more fun in Detroit. We could live it up and -- +We could live it up and -- Ashley. We're not going anywhere I used to work. +Baby, I'm gonna go tell 'em not to disturb us for the rest of the year. I get back in that room, you better be wearing nothing but a candy cane. I'll see what I can do. +I'll see what I can do. No, lover. I'll see what you can do. +NO! NICK! +I'm not him. I... You want something from Nick, you got the wrong guy. Nick... +I won't let 'em, Nick. They won't hurt you anymore. Your brother... +...the truck driver... He's not a bad person, Nick... he's not... +Since Janey moved in... Gabriel... he's come over more and more. To the apartment. Janey's the divorced one, 'member, with the tit job -- What the fuck is going on. +What the fuck is going on. He read the letters, Nick. Some day I wasn't there. He went through my room. He found your letters. +He read the letters, Nick. Some day I wasn't there. He went through my room. He found your letters. What's going ON!!! +You motherfucker. Nick, no -- +Nick, no -- You sold him out. +You sold him out. Nick -- +Nick -- When'd you decide to do it, Ash? After which of his letters, huh? The fortieth? The fiftieth? The first?! +When'd you decide to do it, Ash? After which of his letters, huh? The fortieth? The fiftieth? The first?! Nick, what are you -- +I'M NOT NICK! You thought you'd fuck him over?! Well he's fucked you! I've never worked at some casino! I can't help you! Because he's not me! Nick, I love you -- +Nick, I love you -- JESUS CHRIST! +Get the hell off of me! Nick, it won't work. It won't work! +He'll kill you. You're not hearing me here -- +You're not hearing me here -- My brother's killed people, I know he has. Truckers. If you talk him into thinking you're not you, you'll only get yourself dead. +My brother's killed people, I know he has. Truckers. If you talk him into thinking you're not you, you'll only get yourself dead. "He didn't ""find"" Nick's letters, did he." +"He didn't ""find"" Nick's letters, did he." Nick, please, it's me -- +Nick, please, it's me -- You told him about Nick's letters. +You told him about Nick's letters. No, Nick, no -- +No, Nick, no -- You're in on this. +You're in on this. I love you! +Your pen palls dead, lady. If you say that, if you keep saying that, they will kill you. If they think you're not you, they will kill you. Don't you see? I know what you're doing, but it won't work! +If you say that, if you keep saying that, they will kill you. If they think you're not you, they will kill you. Don't you see? I know what you're doing, but it won't work! Nick died for me.... +Nick died for me.... I won't let him hurt you! He just wants what you know! +I won't let him hurt you! He just wants what you know! ...maybe I die for Nick... +...maybe I die for Nick... Just tell him what you know, Nick! That's all they want! And we'll get out of this! +Gabriel! Canada. +They changed the layout -- whadda they call you? Mr. Monster? They remodeled the place. When I worked there -- listen to me -- guy that managed the joint, guy who ran it-- Jack. Jack Bangs. +Jack. Jack Bangs. Right, Jack Bangs. Uh... guy was always talking bout fixing the place up. Maybe get a better crowd. Musta gone and done it while I was in the Mountain. I don't know this map, man. How the hell am I supposed to tell you what door goes where? +"He said he wanted to talk to you. When he found the letters... he said ""when your boyfriend gets out, I wanna talk to him."" I thought he meant back in Detroit. I thought he meant --" But you knew why. Knew why, didn't ya. +I thought we'd have a few more days. "For what? You to talk me into ""helping""? What, he promise you a share of the winnings?" +"For what? You to talk me into ""helping""? What, he promise you a share of the winnings?" No! +No! Well, shit, Judas, you shoulda at least gotten that -- +Well, shit, Judas, you shoulda at least gotten that -- Nick! He wants to know how to rob it, and he'll leave you alone! That's all he wants! I hate him, Nick... you know how... +Nick! He wants to know how to rob it, and he'll leave you alone! That's all he wants! I hate him, Nick... you know how... So get him outta your life. Get out of Michigan. They got perfume counters in Chicago, don't they? +So get him outta your life. Get out of Michigan. They got perfume counters in Chicago, don't they? Not without you. +Since when do some trucker pals start thinking big, anyway? They run routes mostly east, retail stuff, warehouses. But Gabriel knows some guys in New York, Miami, guys he helps get guns to Detroit. Hides 'em with his regular loads. +They run routes mostly east, retail stuff, warehouses. But Gabriel knows some guys in New York, Miami, guys he helps get guns to Detroit. Hides 'em with his regular loads. He working for them on this one? +He working for them on this one? No. He wants to be working for himself someday. +No. He wants to be working for himself someday. And I'm his ticket. What's the last place they took down? +And I'm his ticket. What's the last place they took down? What? +What? Gabriel and his guys. What's the last place they robbed? +They've never done a robbery? They're truck drivers. +Then they do need me, don't they. They really need me... We're gonna get out of here, Nick. We're gonna get out of this... +We're gonna get out of here, Nick. We're gonna get out of this... "We? What ""we""..." +Get your own room, Ashley. Nick... +Nick... Get your own room. +So does it look a lot different? Here and there. Restaurant, uh, that's the main expansion. Tables've been moved around; the big man's office, I dunno, might be upstairs now. +That guy knows you? Yeah, uh. Mike. That's Mike. +Nick, what happened -- There went my... damn... well, doesn't seem like security's all that switched... Ash, shit, this mustache is starting to fall off. I gotta fix this thing -- -- drink this for me. +We get to the bridge, we're all right! Nick, the ice is -- +Nick, the ice is -- Get to the bridge! HEY! HEY! DOWN HERE! +Jesus Christ, stay here, don't move, stay right here -- All I wanted... was to make it home... for a little of Dad's turkey, and Mom's stuffing... Aunt Lisbeth's acorn gravy... Aunt Mary's cranberry buns... +We'll get there, baby... we'll get there... ...Haven't had cranberry buns... in five whole years... +...Haven't had cranberry buns... in five whole years... Shh, now. Rest now. Two years, Nick. You haven't had cranberry buns in two years. +You saved my life. You could have run, but you didn't. You saved me. You saved me. +You saved me. I saved you because I love you, Nick. Why'd you save me? +I'm sorry, Nick... I'm so sorry... Don't say my name... +Don't say my name... I love you, Nick... +I love you, Nick... Ash. Don't say it. Don't say my name. +They'll have guns. What? +What? You said they've run guns, in their trucks. So they'll have guns. To do this robbery. They'll have serious guns. +You said they've run guns, in their trucks. So they'll have guns. To do this robbery. They'll have serious guns. I don't know... +I don't know... We'll need one. +I'm going to have to be inside that casino. When it happens. I'll need to be part of it. I can't just be drawing some map. Nick, what are you talking about? +Nick, what are you talking about? We need to find a way to make me part of it. +We need to find a way to make me part of it. Part of... with them? +He wants to see your map. I'm almost done. +I'm almost done. He says he wants it now. +He says he wants it now. If he wanted a photographic memory, he shoulda kidnapped one. I'm working on it here. +How are we gonna do this, Nick? You're the getaway girl. The money's gonna get to you eventually. Gonna be my job to be the guy who walks outta there with it. But I can't do that without a gun. Any luck talking to him? +You're the getaway girl. The money's gonna get to you eventually. Gonna be my job to be the guy who walks outta there with it. But I can't do that without a gun. Any luck talking to him? Bullets or no bullets, he won't do it. +Bullets or no bullets, he won't do it. Is there any way you could get into his truck? +Is there any way you could get into his truck? No. +No. We need a gun, Ash. We need a gun... +Here's the Picasso. Is he in his room? They all are. Football's on. +They all are. Football's on. Keep 'em there for a little while. +I don't know where you're going. But I'm going home. We go together, Nick. Wherever... we go together. Remember? +We go together, Nick. Wherever... we go together. Remember? Well. I'm going home. +WHERE'S THE FUCKING CASH, NICK! Yeah. That's love. +You... you... YOU -- We still gonna spend Christmas together? +I saved your life. You shouldn't have. +You shouldn't have. He did love you, you know. Nick. He did love you. +He did love you, you know. Nick. He did love you. Who wouldn't. +Merry Christmas, Rudy. I'm glad it was me. +I'm glad it was me. Merry Christmas. +What? Rudy. How'd you know my name? +Rudy. How'd you know my name? What are you talking about? +You said Merry Christmas, Rudy. I... you told me your name was Rudy. You told me a million times, back in the truck, telling me you weren't Nick -- +I... you told me your name was Rudy. You told me a million times, back in the truck, telling me you weren't Nick -- No -- +No -- You were screaming you weren't Nick! And we just didn't fucking believe you! +You were screaming you weren't Nick! And we just didn't fucking believe you! But I never said Rudy. +But I never said Rudy. You said it a million times! +You said it a million times! I never told you my name. +You... you don't know me -- Oh, I know you, Nick. I know you real well. +Oh, I know you, Nick. I know you real well. No, you can't -- +No, you can't -- The hell I can't. +Who are you now. You got the wrong guy! She thinks I'm Nick, I'm not! +You got the wrong guy! She thinks I'm Nick, I'm not! Put him in the truck. +Put him in the truck. I was in the joint with him! I knew about him and her, okay!? I took his place! +I was in the joint with him! I knew about him and her, okay!? I took his place! You what... +You what... I got out, Nick didn't! I pretended I was him! I knew about her letters! Jesus Christ, whatever you want from him -- I'm not Nick! I -- I just wanted to be -- +You're not Nick Mason... I shared his cell! +I shared his cell! But you were saying you were... +But you were saying you were... Yes! +Yes! So you could get with my sister. +So you could get with my sister. Yes! +Yes! So you could get down her chimney. +So you could get down her chimney. Yes! +Yes! And you think telling me that's gonna help your cause. +You're a good writer, Nick. I give this writing an A-plus. I never worked at no casino. +Hey. She says she loves you, Nick. She says a lot of things. +She says a lot of things. She's getting you to help us... 'cause she knows if you don't, you're dead. You just tell us what we need to know, you two live happily ever after. My sister loves you, motherfucker, and I ain't gonna have you break her heart. +She's getting you to help us... 'cause she knows if you don't, you're dead. You just tell us what we need to know, you two live happily ever after. My sister loves you, motherfucker, and I ain't gonna have you break her heart. Wish I had a brother like you. +Wish I had a brother like you. A girl says she loves you, you say something. +I had better sex in prison. Heyyy. Be nice, convict. We're gonna be working together here. Get him back in the rig. +Where's she work? What? +What? Wrote you a hundred letters, didn't she? Where's she work? +Wrote you a hundred letters, didn't she? Where's she work? J.C. Penney. Beauty and fragrances. +J.C. Penney. Beauty and fragrances. What's her middle name? +What's her middle name? Samantha. +Samantha. What'd they call her in high school? +What'd they call her in high school? Bam Bam. +Bam Bam. What'd they call her in college? +What'd they call her in college? What college. +What college. Where'd she drop her cherry? +Be more specific. A station wagon in Canada. +A station wagon in Canada. What's her greatest fear? +What's her greatest fear? Her brother. +Her brother. Wrong, Nick. It's drowning. +Wrong, Nick. It's drowning. No. It's her brother. +Let's get back on the road. It's time to start talking, Nick. Time to start telling tales -- Nick don't talk till Nick gets something. +You knew the place -- Hey. +How much money's in that casino? Day-to-day. I don't know. +I don't know. The hell you don't. +The hell you don't. Five million? +Five million? You wrote Ash that letter, you told her that story 'bout working Christmas Eve, bout how they'd send half the security guys home, nobody comin, in that night. And the rest of you got shit-faced drinking hot buttered rum. That a true story now? +You wrote Ash that letter, you told her that story 'bout working Christmas Eve, bout how they'd send half the security guys home, nobody comin, in that night. And the rest of you got shit-faced drinking hot buttered rum. That a true story now? Christmas... Eve... +Christmas... Eve... You know where the guards are. You know how to get in and out. You know where the money is. We're taking down that casino, convict. You're the guy gonna tell us how. +Hey, it's... been two years -- We got faith in you, Nick Mason. You're our inside man. +Hell. Ten? And which of these doors here lead up to the security level? +What? I said, who the hell made the map? +I said, who the hell made the map? I did. +I did. This isn't the Tomahawk. +This isn't the Tomahawk. What the fuck are you talking about. +What the fuck are you talking about. This is the front entrance, right? You get through the slots, you hit craps here, not blackjack. Blackjack's here to here -- lined up. What's this, the cage? Cage is over there, hard to get to, you got it all mixed around -- +We walked the place for a week. And I worked there. For a year. +They wouldn't have changed the security setup. When I worked there, this was Bangs, office. Back here. He kept a little safe in the... uh, the wall, money held take for himself, skim from the Indians. Called it the... uh... ...the Powwow Safe. +So what the hell good are you... You'd have to get me inside. Get inside, watch where the money's moving, see where the guards are going. Then I could work with your map. +You'd have to get me inside. Get inside, watch where the money's moving, see where the guards are going. Then I could work with your map. Wrong, convict. You walk in there, they recognize you. +They won't recognize me. Why not. +Why not. Trust me. They won't recognize me. +Trust me. They won't recognize me. We'll trust you when we're rich. Why not. +We'll trust you when we're rich. Why not. 'Cause you're gonna get me a disguise. +Bring back some memories, Nick? More than you know. +Rather be back in the Mountain? Might as well be. +Might as well be. Don't have Weather Channel in the Mountain, Nick. +A cowboy. You're going to send me into an Indian casino disguised as a cowboy. Have you thought this entirely through? Put it on. +You're a country-western singer up from Nashville for the the holidays. Visiting your Grandma on the lake, driving into the Tomahawk for some scotch and slots. You only play the slots, you got that? Don't want no dealer friend of yours recognizing you, you sidle up to shoot some craps. What kind of half-ass cowboy plays the slots? +What kind of half-ass cowboy plays the slots? You do. +You do. At least gimme video poker. +At least gimme video poker. Shut the fuck up. You play what your girlfriend plays. Ashley's going in with you. You talk to her, otherwise you don't talk to nobody. You walk the room as many times as you want, but the second you come out, I want to know the run of the place. +Do I get a country-western name? You get recognized, convict, You get a country-western funeral. +Y'know what, guys? I woke up this morning, I got a really lucky feeling going on. I mean it, I'm feeling that good. I wouldn't be surprised if I walk in there, pull a handle and hit jackpot. Hell, we wouldn't even have to -- Get out. +You got one hour. I'm gonna need some money. +Ten dollars? What do I do with ten dollars? Don't tip. +Don't tip. Monster. If we're working together here, we gotta be working together. I can't walk in there looking like the Lone Fucking Ranger with ten bucks to throw down. You don't want me getting noticed, right? Not getting noticed costs a guy at least a couple hundred. +A for effort, Nick, honestly, A for effort and an honorary degree. I'm surprised you never escaped from the Mountain. ...never... tried... +...never... tried... Nick, here's what we're gonna do. In the spirit of the season, I'm going to give you a chance. I understand you're unhappy. Right outta the lockup, here against your will, it's the holidays and there's reruns on TV. So we're gonna have a contest. +Got something to say to me, Nick? ...ttt..tt... two out of three? +What'd you tell that casino manager? Nnn... nothing... +Nnn... nothing... You were talking to him! What'd you tell him!? +You were talking to him! What'd you tell him!? Nothing... I promise-nothing... +Nothing... I promise-nothing... MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT A ROBBERY? +MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT A ROBBERY? NO! +He thought I was some gambler... he didn't know me... he didn't recognize me! I been driving rigs a long time, Nick. Four, five million miles of road. Worked for people who wouldn't keep me on less I was driving fifteen hours a day. Tell 'em I needed sleep, I needed rest, shit, they'll hire someone else... +It's time for me... to be working for me. I want mine, Nick. And I need you. Did you tell your manager there's gonna be a robbery? No, Gabriel... no... +Man, Monster... just... just don't start trying to hit me... Nick. I been trying to hit you. +Start singing. I have no gifts to bring, pa-rumpum- pum-pum +I have no gifts to bring, pa-rumpum- pum-pum Sing it in pictures, Nick. +Across from blackjack, there's a security doorway. Keypad access. What's the code? +What's the code? Uh... they change it every month. I wouldn't know. If there's trouble on the floor, you'll get security coming through. what you gotta do, is get inside that doorway once they do. You gotta draw 'em out. +So. You're gonna need a man through here, two men at the cage, one to cover the count. You're gonna need a lookout outside, a sweeper through the back, and a gun guarding the front. You need six. We got five. Putting Ashley outside. +We got five. Putting Ashley outside. You need six. +NO. You go in with five, you're either leaving an alarm free or an exit free. Someone hits an alarm, you're fucked. Someone gets to a phone, gets outside, 'cross the street, whatever, you're fucked. You need six. Six is me. +You go in with five, you're either leaving an alarm free or an exit free. Someone hits an alarm, you're fucked. Someone gets to a phone, gets outside, 'cross the street, whatever, you're fucked. You need six. Six is me. No. +No. You guys get caught, I go away for good. I got an interest in making sure you don't. You need a sixth man covering an exit. What're you gonna do about it. +I want a map of that security level. Every room, every guard, every thing. Six men means six guns. +Six men means six guns. No way. +No way. I'm no threat without a gun. +I'm no threat without a gun. No, you're not. +No, you're not. There'll be people in that casino. I can't keep them from leaving if I don't get a gun. I don't need bullets, Monster... but I gotta be a threat. +No gun. Well. What you guys have to plan out, then... is how you're going to get to that cage and that security level before anybody realizes anything's wrong. Running in with ski masks and bullets flying ain't gonna do it. +Well. What you guys have to plan out, then... is how you're going to get to that cage and that security level before anybody realizes anything's wrong. Running in with ski masks and bullets flying ain't gonna do it. That part, Nick... was planned out the day I read your letters. +That part, Nick... was planned out the day I read your letters. What. We all gonna dress up like cowboys? +What. We all gonna dress up like cowboys? Not cowboys, Nick. Not cowboys. +You gotta be kidding me. 'Tis the season, convict. +Can't be attracting attention, right? What, we walking in there and delivering toys? +You are lucky, convict. You're spending Christmas with the birthday boy himself -- Hey! HEY! THERE IS A POWWOW SAFE! +Buncha guys in red suits busted in, they'll say. Started shooting. They won't be able to remember... if it was three, or four... or five. Four dead Santas and some burned-up cash. Merry Christmas, The End. Was it your plan, Monster? Or was it hers. +Get in the CAR! How'd you know my name... +Ash? How'd you know my name was Rudy. +How'd you know my name was Rudy. Ash? +Ash? How'd you know my name. +Hey. They got a shitload of cookies. Take 'em. +Take 'em. How 'bout the tree? You want the tree? +How 'bout the tree? You want the tree? Leave the tree. +Here ya go, convict. We cased the place in the fall, got the layout down. What you're gonna do is show us where each of these doors go, what the upstairs level looks like, where they got the alarms, all of it. And where they hide the real money. +Who's robbin' who here, Gabriel... Get in there and watch 'em. Watch their every fuckin' move. +Where the HELL did he go? Monster. There never was a structure change. This place was built the same from day one. +Mister. I'm begging, 'kay? I'm begging. This is not some card club, 'kay? This is the Tomahawk. We're an international gaming destination. We're in guidebooks. You can't do this... you can't do this to me... Show's over. +He won't tell us where it is. The Powwow Safe. I don't know... what you're... +THE POWWOW SAFE! WHERE IS THE POWWOW SAFE! What... Powwow... +What... Powwow... The Powwow Safe where you steal your money! Where you cheat your Indians! +The Powwow Safe where you steal your money! Where you cheat your Indians! I don't steal any -- +...so where is he? Where is he?! Where is he?! +Where is he?! Where is he?! He's not Nick Mason... +I can't go back to Vegas... OPEN IT!!! +I CAN'T! GO BACK! I CAN'T! GO BACK! I CAN'T! GO BACK! GO!!! +There's no snow in Vegas, 'kay? They don't know it, they don't want it, they got laws against the stuff. They got Egypt down there, right, they got Monte Carlo, Hawaii, they got ancient Rome, but where's the Winter Castle, right? Where's the Swiss miss Chalet? Where's the Big Fucking Igloo? We understand you, Mr. Bangs. +We understand you, Mr. Bangs. Capades? They don't do it. Mittens? Outlawed. Why? +Capades? They don't do it. Mittens? Outlawed. Why? We're aware of your position. +We're aware of your position. Because down there this is money. Up here this is heat. You wanted Vegas quality, I brought it to you. You wanted Vegas press, I gave it to you. But guys, please, guys... I can't get you Vegas profits... till one of ya does some spirit dance and does something about this snow. +I'm bringing in this great showroom act next week; these three Russian girls, they look like Meryl Streep, they can juggle anything. Mr. Bangs. +Mr. Bangs. Guys. We're doing it right, here. $5.99 prime rib? Nobody does that in Michigan. Nobody. +Guys. We're doing it right, here. $5.99 prime rib? Nobody does that in Michigan. Nobody. The tribe is concerned that many of your... new ideas are not resulting in any new venues. +The tribe is concerned that many of your... new ideas are not resulting in any new venues. I'm putting liquor in the drinks, I'm giving 10-times odds on craps, I got the girls showing sixteen-percent more skin! Show me another buffet's gonna offer you Coke and Pepsi! Whaddya want me to do?! +I'm putting liquor in the drinks, I'm giving 10-times odds on craps, I got the girls showing sixteen-percent more skin! Show me another buffet's gonna offer you Coke and Pepsi! Whaddya want me to do?! We want to see our casino making money again, Mr. Bangs. Making money for our community. +The Powwow Safe? His personal safe, he gave it a name. Now you're telling me they've taken his office, put the buffet there? Then who knows what else they changed. +What about the Powwow Safe? What? +What? The Powwow Safe. The secret safe. You said the manager's got a safe in his office where he hides skim money. +The Powwow Safe. The secret safe. You said the manager's got a safe in his office where he hides skim money. Oh. Right. Yeah. That's, uh upstairs. Uh. Here. Powwow Safe. +Hi, Santa Claus, how are you. He's with Sears, I'm with Wal-Mart, twas the season... We're all outta gifts, boys and girls, but we got charitable donations! +Goddamn, Merlin. There any part of the day you don't smoke? There anytime you don't got a mouthful of shit? +There anytime you don't got a mouthful of shit? Cancer-sucker. +Cancer-sucker. Acid-chewer. +That motherfucker -- And Monster... he was talking with the casino manager. Nick was talking to him. +Knew a guy in Joliet, smoked ten packs a day like you. His lungs got so black they couldn't find 'em with an x-ray. That right? Shit. I used to run rigs for a guy loved your chaw there. Shit rotted out his tongue, had to build him one outta silicon so the poor boy could talk. You ever see a motherfucker with a silicon fucking tongue? +This trucker? Met a girl in a bar one night, she didn't know his situation. He's drunk, she's drunk, they get to mackin' hot and heavy and the woman swallows it. His tongue. Sucks it right down. My guy would walk into a room, set off the goddamn sprinklers. +My guy would walk into a room, set off the goddamn sprinklers. His lips went next. You ever see some silicon-fucking-lips? +I got a bacon too; there another bacon in there? I got a bacon for him and a bacon for me; there's four cheeseburgers and two roast beefs -- +I got a bacon for him and a bacon for me; there's four cheeseburgers and two roast beefs -- Somebody better give me something with some goddamn bacon -- +Thanks, sister. How are ya. Fuckin' freezing. +Fuckin' freezing. Hell yeah. You work here long? +Hell yeah. You work here long? Five years. Since it opened. +Five years. Since it opened. How long ago was your makeover? +How long ago was your makeover? My what?! +My what?! No, the place. The remodeling. moving everything around. +...but I got a girl to be with, rum- pum-pum-pum... Hi, Nick. +You want that for here or to go? I been in Iron Mountain for two years, truck driver. I do one more crime, I'm back there for good, so fuck you and fuck your sister and fuck your trucker friends. You want to hear about some goddamn job of mine? I want some hot-goddamn-chocolate. +Buffet. Whaddya think it is? Buffet is by the goddamn bar! What the hell kind of map is this?! +Having romance problems, Romeo? Not with you. +What the hell was that about -- He didn't recognize me. Back off, willya? He didn't recognize me. +What you gotta worry about first is the guards. Place doesn't look much richer than when I worked there, so let's figure you're gonna have to deal with ten of 'em. There'll be two on the floor, walking the room, that leaves eight up above. Eyes in the sky. They see something up, they're the ones who'll hit the silent alarm and you're fucked. How do we take them out? +How do we take them out? You gotta get someone upstairs. +You gotta get someone upstairs. How do we do that? +What about the money? You lock down security, you move behind the cage. You hit the Count Room. There'll be a guy in there but he's got no guns; room's accessed by another code. Cashiers'll know it. They'll have alarms. +Here's my present to you, truck drivers -- Where the hell's Gabriel? +DROP 'EM! DROP, DROP, DROP!!! DROP THE GUNS! NOW! +You knew there were guns in here! Merlin, I didn't know -- +Merlin, I didn't know -- You got Pug killed! You tried to get ME killed! You just lost your Get- Outta-Jail-Free -- +You got Pug killed! You tried to get ME killed! You just lost your Get- Outta-Jail-Free -- I promise you, I didn't know! +Monsters in the gelatin... It's a roach, guy -- +It's a roach, guy -- There are monsters... ...in the gelatin... +There are monsters... ...in the gelatin... Oh, man -- +THERE ARE MONSTERS IN THE GELATIN! Fuckin, Zookerman -- +Fuckin, Zookerman -- THERE ARE MONSTERS! IN THE GELATIN! THERE ARE MONSTERS! IN THE GELATIN! +What's the first thing, man? What's the first thing you're gonna do? Haven't thought about it. +Haven't thought about it. Hell you haven't. +Hell you haven't. Get to thinking about it, it won't happen. +Get to thinking about it, it won't happen. We walk outta here, we hit that road, what's the first thing you're gonna do. +We walk outta here, we hit that road, what's the first thing you're gonna do. Ain't there yet. +Ain't there yet. Three days, man. +Three days, man. Not yet. +Not yet. Fuckin' Christmas, man. Fuckin, Christmas on the outs. +Hot chocolate. What? +What? Get a hot mug of chocolate. First thing I'm gonna do. +Get a hot mug of chocolate. First thing I'm gonna do. And a slice of pecan pie, right? +And a slice of pecan pie, right? And some pecan pie. +She's gonna be out there, man. Right there. Right there waiting. Yeah. +Yeah. Gonna walk out of this shitstorm and right into her arms. +Gonna walk out of this shitstorm and right into her arms. Yeah. +Yeah. Got us a motel out Highway 5, bringing her own damn sheets, you read that part? Silk damn sheets. Lock ourselves in the whole week, drinking wine, taking baths, man, see if they got those room service steaks... anything I want to do. Remember when she wrote that? Anything I want... +Got us a motel out Highway 5, bringing her own damn sheets, you read that part? Silk damn sheets. Lock ourselves in the whole week, drinking wine, taking baths, man, see if they got those room service steaks... anything I want to do. Remember when she wrote that? Anything I want... Yeah. Fuckin' Christmas. +Why you gotta say a thing like that. I'm just saying. +I'm just saying. Why you gotta. We were gonna give you a ride someplace, man. Now I just don't know. +Why you gotta. We were gonna give you a ride someplace, man. Now I just don't know. I'm just talking. +I'm just talking. Fuck your hot chocolate, Rudy. +For twenty-five, she sounds pretty mature. Yeah. You grow up in Detroit, you get matured real quick. +What if she sees you, man, sees what you look like... and it's not there. You just don't do it for her. Me and her got a connection. Read this part. Read the part about stuffing her stocking. +She's using a new perfume. No, I think that's just oranges. She writes here she's eating oranges. +No, I think that's just oranges. She writes here she's eating oranges. Oh. +Oh. Shoulda written to that magazine, Rudy. I'm gonna walk outta here, walk right into a relationship. Not some one-nighter, man... a relationship. You? You're gonna walk outta here with bus fare. Searching for the drunkest skirt in the room. +Shoulda written to that magazine, Rudy. I'm gonna walk outta here, walk right into a relationship. Not some one-nighter, man... a relationship. You? You're gonna walk outta here with bus fare. Searching for the drunkest skirt in the room. Mornin', gorgeous. More egg nog? +Mornin', gorgeous. More egg nog? Shoulda written, Rudy... +All I want... is to make it to Sidnaw, and sit down for Christmas dinner. Watch some ball with my old man, sleep in my old bed, and have leftovers for bout six months. Thought you hated Sidnaw. +Thought you hated Sidnaw. Just taste that Christmas turkey. +Just taste that Christmas turkey. Thought you hate your old man. +Thought you hate your old man. Five years, Nicky. Five years. I just want to go home. +Don't look like he missed the sunlight. Pinscher told me Alamo thinks I'm the one ratted on him beating up Cree. Since I was there, I saw it, he thinks I got him sent to solitary. +Pinscher told me Alamo thinks I'm the one ratted on him beating up Cree. Since I was there, I saw it, he thinks I got him sent to solitary. Aw, Rudy. +So maybe after our week beneath the sheets, we'll head down to Motor City for New Year's. She says her roommate's skipping town for a few days, have the place to ourselves. Remember how her brother's a truck driver down there? I'm thinking he might be able to help get me some work. What, working security? +What, working security? No, I'm through with that shit. Ashley's right. Gotta start doing something I got a stake in. Get a business going. +No, I'm through with that shit. Ashley's right. Gotta start doing something I got a stake in. Get a business going. I don't know, I've seen the business world. +I don't know, I've seen the business world. Hotwiring cars, Rudy, does not qualify as a small business. Chop shop consultant; doesn't work on a resume. +Just a roach, Zook. Good for you. Protein. +Rudy, don't move -- Two days, we got two days! Don't do nothing. Don't touch nothing -- +Don't move, Rudy! Standing right here, man! +GUARD! GUARD! Alamo... +Alamo... GUARD!!! +Jesus, Rudy -- Take it, man! You're all right! Hold it in! GUARD! +Take it, man! You're all right! Hold it in! GUARD! Oh, fuck, Rudy... oh Jesus... +Oh, fuck, Rudy... oh Jesus... GUARD!!! +GUARD!!! Ash... Ashley... +Ash... Ashley... No, man! No, no, no! +No, man! No, no, no! Tell her... I'll be there ... +Tell her... I'll be there ... You're GONNA be there! We're getting outta here! TAKE IT! +You're GONNA be there! We're getting outta here! TAKE IT! Tell Ashley... I... +Tell Ashley... I... YOU TELL HER! +YOU TELL HER! ...be with her... +NO!!! ...for Christmas... +...for Christmas... NICK!!! +Millie here used to serve drinks to these gunrunning truckers, real big talkers, talking bout a real score one day. I was in the Mountain, man, what the hell, why not let her get friendly with 'em? Let her tell 'em an idea she had, 'bout writing guys in prison. Getting one who could show 'em a sure thing. She set them up. All of them. +She set them up. All of them. Why not have her pretend to find me? Pretend to write me and reel me in? Tell her new trucker-man she'd pose as some sister of his named Ashley? +Why not have her pretend to find me? Pretend to write me and reel me in? Tell her new trucker-man she'd pose as some sister of his named Ashley? And you set me up. +And you set me up. Always wanted to rob that casino, Rudy. Way back when I worked there. What better way than to get some guys to rob it for me. +Paid the Alamo ten bucks to put the shiv in me. He's a lifer, what does he care. Paid a hospital guard fifty to put out the story I was dead. Once the wound healed up... Got out of the Mountain this morning. And tonight I'm a rich man. How'd you know I'd do it. +How'd you know I'd do it. Do what? +Do what? Walk outta there and tell her I was you. +Hell, you never needed to convince Ashley you were me. Just the dumb fucking truckers. I figured I'd talked enough about the Tomahawk in the pen for you to get by -- Talked about the old man's weapons stash, probably forgot I'd remember +Talked about the old man's weapons stash, probably forgot I'd remember Hm. Well. They'd have killed you if you weren't me, Rudy. We knew you'd start convincing 'em soon enough. +They had the weapons and the willpower. We just gave them their inside man. You gave them me. +You gave them me. I gave them me. Said some nice things about me, Rudy. I appreciate it. But don't worry. I do love her. And she loves me. You had that right all along. +That was my card, pop! My card! You hit for my card! I... sorry, Mister... +I... sorry, Mister... That was my king! +That was my king! Well...sorry... +POP! That was My card! But... I had a five... +But... I had a five... You're hitting for MY cards! +Switch seats with me. What? No... +What? No... You're taking my money. Switch seats with me. Switch seats with me if you're not taking my money -- +You're taking my money. Switch seats with me. Switch seats with me if you're not taking my money -- I'm ninety-two years old -- +I'm ninety-two years old -- Then get yourself another table! You're hitting Santa's cards and you're taking Santa's money! +Then get yourself another table! You're hitting Santa's cards and you're taking Santa's money! There is no other table -- +There is no other table -- THEY'LL OPEN ONE! +Watch your mouth, man. It's Christmas. I'M NOT NICK! +Start talkin Who the hell made this map. +That's what it looks like! Since when? What the hell is this room? +Map is kinda dirty, Monster... They changed the layout. +Without having them hit the alarms. I got an idea on that one. Once you're up there, you gotta hold those guards down till some backup can get there. There's a security camera room that videotapes everything. You've gotta destroy every last one of those tapes. +Alone at last. Now where were we? +Now where were we? I told you I don't know anything about any fucking set up. I've only been on the force eight months, nobody tells me anything! I don't know anything! You can torture me if you want - +I told you I don't know anything about any fucking set up. I've only been on the force eight months, nobody tells me anything! I don't know anything! You can torture me if you want - Thanks, don't mind if I do. +Thanks, don't mind if I do. Your boss even said there wasn't a set up. +Your boss even said there wasn't a set up. First off, I don't have a boss. Are you clear about that? +I asked you a question. Are you clear about that? Yes. +Yes. Now I'm not gonna bullshit you. I don't really care about what you know or don't know. I'm gonna torture you for awhile regardless. Not to get information, but because torturing a cop amuses me. There's nothing you can say, I've heard it all before. There's nothing you can do. Except pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get. +How ya doin', Toothpick? Fine, now. +Fine, now. I'm sorry man, I shoulda picked you up personally at the pen. This whole week's just been crazy. I've had my head up my ass the entire time. +I'm sorry man, I shoulda picked you up personally at the pen. This whole week's just been crazy. I've had my head up my ass the entire time. Funny you should mention it. That's what your father and I been talkin' about. +Funny you should mention it. That's what your father and I been talkin' about. That I should've picked you up? +That I should've picked you up? "No. That your head's been up your ass. I walk through the door and Joe says ""Vic, you're back, thank god. Finally somebody who knows what the fuck he's doing. Vic, Vic, Vic, Eddie, my son, is a fuck up."" And I say ""Well, Joe, I coulda told you that."" ""I'm ruined! He's ruining me! My son, I love him, but he's taking my business and flushing it down the fuckin' toilet! "" I'm not tellin' tales out of school. You tell 'im Joe. Tell 'im yourself." +You fuckin' wish. You tried to fuck me in my father's office, you sick bastard. Look, Vic, whatever you wanna do in the privacy of your own home, go do it. But don't try to fuck me. I don't think of you that way. I mean, I like you a lot - +You tried to fuck me in my father's office, you sick bastard. Look, Vic, whatever you wanna do in the privacy of your own home, go do it. But don't try to fuck me. I don't think of you that way. I mean, I like you a lot - Eddie, if I was a pirate, I wouldn't throw you to the crew. +Eddie, if I was a pirate, I wouldn't throw you to the crew. No, you'd keep me for yourself. Four years fuckin' punks in the ass made you appreciate prime rib when you get it. +No, you'd keep me for yourself. Four years fuckin' punks in the ass made you appreciate prime rib when you get it. I might break you, Nice Guy, but I'd make you my dog's bitch. You'd be suckin' the dick and going down on a mangy T-bone hound. +I might break you, Nice Guy, but I'd make you my dog's bitch. You'd be suckin' the dick and going down on a mangy T-bone hound. Now ain't that a sad sight, daddy, walks into jail a white man, walks out talkin' like a nigger. It's all that black semen been shootin' up his butt. It's backed up into his brain and comes out of his mouth. +Seymour Scagnetti. Scagnetti? Oh shit, I hear he's a motherfucker. +Scagnetti? Oh shit, I hear he's a motherfucker. He is a motherfucker. He won't let me leave the halfway house till I get some piece of shit job. +He is a motherfucker. He won't let me leave the halfway house till I get some piece of shit job. You're coming back to work for us, right? +You're coming back to work for us, right? I wanna. But I gotta show this asshole I got an honest-to-goodness job before he'll let me move out on my own. I can't work for you guys and be worried about gettin' back before ten o'clock curfew. +I don't wanna lift crates. "You don't hafta lift shit. You don't really work there. But as far as the records are concerned, you do. I call up Matthews, the foreman, tell him he's got a new guy. You're on the schedule. You got a timecard, it's clocked in and out for you everyday, and you get a pay check at the end of the week. And ya know dock workers don't do too bad. So you can move into a halfway decent place without Scagnetti thinkin ""what the fuck."" And if Scagnetti ever wants to make a surprise visit, you're gone that day. That day we sent you to Tustin. We gotta bunch of shit you needed to unload there. You're at the Taft airstrip pickin' up a bunch of shit and bringing it back. Part of your job is goin' different places - and we got places all over the place." +Holy shit, this guy's all fucked up! No shit, he's gonna fuckin' die on us if we don't get him taken care of. +Jesus Christ, give me a fuckin' chance to breathe. I got a few questions of my own, ya know. You ain't dying, he is. +You ain't dying, he is. I'll call somebody. +I'll call somebody. Who? +Who? A snake charmer, what the fuck d'you think. I'll call a doctor, take care of him, fix 'm right up. No, where's Mr. Brown and Mr. Blue? +Let me tell you guys a story. In one of daddy's clubs there was this black cocktail waitress named Elois. Elois? +Elois? Yeah, Elois. E and Lois. We called her Lady E. +Yeah, Elois. E and Lois. We called her Lady E. Where was she from, Compton? +Where was she from, Compton? No. She was from Ladora Heights. +I don't know what he did to her, but she got even. Was he all pissed off? +I don't buy it. It doesn't make sense. It makes perfect fuckin' sense to me. Eddie, you didn't see how he acted during the job, we did. +The motherfucker killed Vic. How do you know all this? +Joe, you're making a terrible mistake I can't let you make. Stop pointing your fuckin' gun at daddy! +Daddy, did ya see that? What? +What? Guy got me on the ground, tried to fuck me. +Now Vic was tellin' me, he's got a parole problem. Really? Who's your P.O.? +We can work this out, can't we? This isn't all that bad. We can give you a lot of legitimate jobs. Put you on the rotation at Long Beach as a dock worker. +Didn't I tell ya not to worry? Vic was worried. Me and you'll drive down to Long Beach tomorrow. I'll introduce you to Matthews, tell him what's going on. +Nuts. We got a big meeting in Vegas coming up. And we're kinda just gettin ready for that right now. Let Nice Guy set you up at Long Beach. Give ya some cash, get that Scagnetti fuck off your back, and we'll be talking to ya. +Let Nice Guy set you up at Long Beach. Give ya some cash, get that Scagnetti fuck off your back, and we'll be talking to ya. Daddy, I got an idea. Now just hear it out. I know you don't like to use any of the boys on these jobs, but technically, Vic ain't one of the boys. He's been gone for four years. He ain't on no one's list. Ya know he can handle himself, ya know you can trust him. +Daddy, I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening. That's okay, Eddie, I do. +We were set up, the cops were waiting for us. What? Nobody set anybody up. +What? Nobody set anybody up. The cops were there waitin' for us! +The cops were there waitin' for us! Bullshit. +Bullshit. Hey, fuck you man, you weren't there, we were. And I'm tellin' ya, the cops had that store staked out. +Hey, fuck you man, you weren't there, we were. And I'm tellin' ya, the cops had that store staked out. Okay, Mr. Detective, who did it? +Okay, Mr. Detective, who did it? What the fuck d'you think we've been askin' each other? +What the fuck d'you think we've been askin' each other? And what are your answers? Was it me? You think I set you up? +And what are your answers? Was it me? You think I set you up? I don't know, but somebody did. +I don't know, but somebody did. Nobody did. You assholes turn the jewelry store into a wild west show, and you wonder why cops show up. +Brown's dead, we don't know about Blue. Nobody saw what happened to Mr. Blue? +I take it this is the bastard you told me about. Why the hell are you beating on him? So he'll tell us who the fuck set us up. +So he'll tell us who the fuck set us up. Would you stop it with that shit! You beat on this prick enough, he'll tell ya he started the Chicago fire. That don't necessarily make it so. Okay, first things fucking last, where's the shit? Please tell me somebody brought something with them. +Would you stop it with that shit! You beat on this prick enough, he'll tell ya he started the Chicago fire. That don't necessarily make it so. Okay, first things fucking last, where's the shit? Please tell me somebody brought something with them. I got a bag. I stashed it till I could be sure this place wasn't a police station. +I got a bag. I stashed it till I could be sure this place wasn't a police station. Well, let's go get it. We also gotta get rid of all those cars. It looks like Sam's hot car lot outside. You stay here and babysit Orange and the cop. You two take a car each, I'll follow ya. You ditch it, I'll pick you up, then we'll pick up the stones. And while I'm following you, I'll arrange for some sort of a doctor for our friend. +What does it matter who stays with the cop? We ain't lettin' him go. Not after he's seen everybody. You should've never took him outta your trunk in the first place. We were trying to find out what he knew about the set up. +We were trying to find out what he knew about the set up. There is no fuckin' set up! Look, this is the news. Blondie, you stay here and take care of them two. White and Pink come with me, 'cuz if Joe gets here and sees all those fucking cars parked out front, he's going to be as mad at me as he is at you. +Go ahead and laugh, you know what I mean. What a while bitch will put up with, a black bitch won't put up with for a minute. They got a line, and if you cross it, they fuck you up. I gotta go along with Mr. Pink on this. I've seen it happen. +"The black Beverly Hills. I knew this lady from Ladora Heights once. ""Hi, I'm from Ladora Heights, it's the black Beverly Hills.""" "It's not the black Beverly Hills, it's the black Palos Verdes. Anyway, this chick, Elois, was a man-eater- upper. I bet every guy who's ever met her has jacked off to her at least once. You know who she looked like? Christie Love. 'Member that TV show ""Get Christie Love""? She was a black female cop. She always used to say ""You're under arrest, sugar.""" +"It's not the black Beverly Hills, it's the black Palos Verdes. Anyway, this chick, Elois, was a man-eater- upper. I bet every guy who's ever met her has jacked off to her at least once. You know who she looked like? Christie Love. 'Member that TV show ""Get Christie Love""? She was a black female cop. She always used to say ""You're under arrest, sugar.""" I was in the sixth grade when that show was on. I totally dug it. What the fuck was the name of the chick who played Christie Love? +I was in the sixth grade when that show was on. I totally dug it. What the fuck was the name of the chick who played Christie Love? Pam Grier. +Pam Grier. No, it wasn't Pam Grier, Pam Grier was the other one. Pam Grier made the movies. Christie Love was like a Pam Grier TV show, without Pam Grier. +No, it wasn't Pam Grier, Pam Grier was the other one. Pam Grier made the movies. Christie Love was like a Pam Grier TV show, without Pam Grier. What the fuck was that chick's name? Oh this is just great, I'm totally fuckin' tortured now. +What the fuck was that chick's name? Oh this is just great, I'm totally fuckin' tortured now. "Well, whoever she was, Elois looked like her. So one night I walk into the club, and no Elois. Now the bartender was a wetback, he was a friend of mine, his name was Carlos. So I asked him ""Hey, Carlos, where's Lady E tonight?"" Well apparently Lady E was married to this real piece of dog shit. I mean a real animal. And apparently he would so things to her." +He's right about the ear, it's hacked off. Let me say this out loud, just to get it straight in my mind. According to you, Mr. Blonde was gonna kill you. Then when we came back, kill us, grab the diamonds, and scram. That's your story? I'm correct about that, right? +"Say ""hello"" to a motherfucker who's inside. Cabot's doing a job and take a big fat guess who he wants on the team?" This better not be some Freddy joke. +Nice Guy. When we got to the bar... ...What bar? +...What bar? The Boots and Socks in Gardena. When we got there, I met Joe and a guy named Mr. White. It's a phony name. My name's Mr. Orange. +The Boots and Socks in Gardena. When we got there, I met Joe and a guy named Mr. White. It's a phony name. My name's Mr. Orange. You ever seen this motherfucker before? +You ever seen this motherfucker before? Who, Mr. White? +Who, Mr. White? Yeah. +Yeah. No, he ain't familiar. He ain't one of Cabot's soldiers either. He's gotta be from outta town. But Joe knows him real well. +No, he ain't familiar. He ain't one of Cabot's soldiers either. He's gotta be from outta town. But Joe knows him real well. How can you tell? +How can you tell? The way they talk to each other. You can tell they're buddies. +The way they talk to each other. You can tell they're buddies. Did the two of you talk? +Did the two of you talk? Me and Mr. White? +Me and Mr. White? Yeah. +Yeah. A little. +A little. What about? +What about? The Brewers. +The Brewers. The Milwaukee Brewers? +The Milwaukee Brewers? Yeah. They had just won the night before, and he made a killing off 'em. +Yeah. They had just won the night before, and he made a killing off 'em. Well, if this crook's a Brewers fan, his ass has gotta be from Wisconsin. And I'll bet you everything from a diddle-eyed Joe to a damned-if-I- know, that in Milwaukee they got a sheet on this Mr. White motherfucker's ass. I want you to go through the mugs of guys from old Milwaukee with a history of armed robbery, and put a name to that face. +What kinds questions did Cabot ask? Where I was from, who I knew, how I knew Nice Guy, had I done time, shit like that. +Didja use the commode story? Fuckin' A. I tell it real good, too. +What's this? It's a scene. Memorize it. +It's a scene. Memorize it. What? +What? A undercover cop has got to be Marlon Brando. To do this job you got to be a great actor. You got to be naturalistic. You got to be naturalistic as hell. If you ain't a great actor you're a bad actor, and bad acting is bullshit in this job. +A undercover cop has got to be Marlon Brando. To do this job you got to be a great actor. You got to be naturalistic. You got to be naturalistic as hell. If you ain't a great actor you're a bad actor, and bad acting is bullshit in this job. But what is this? +But what is this? It's a amusing anecdote about a drug deal. +It's a amusing anecdote about a drug deal. What? +What? Something funny that happened to you while you were doing a job. +Something funny that happened to you while you were doing a job. I gotta memorize all this shit? +I gotta memorize all this shit? It's like a joke. You remember what's important, and the rest you make your own. The only way to make it your own is to keep sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it. +It's like a joke. You remember what's important, and the rest you make your own. The only way to make it your own is to keep sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it. I can do that. +I can do that. The things you gotta remember are the details. It's the details that sell your story. Now this story takes place in this men's room. So you gotta know the details about this men's room. You gotta know they got a blower instead of a towel to dry your hands. You gotta know the stalls ain't got no doors. You gotta know whether they got liquid or powdered soap, whether they got hot water or not, 'cause if you do your job when you tell your story, everybody should believe it. And if you tell your story to somebody who's actually taken a piss in this men's room, and you get one detail they remember right, they'll swear by you. +Tell me more about Cabot. He's a cool guy. A real nice, real funny, real cool guy. +...Her brother usually goes with her, but he's in county unexpectedly. What for? +What for? Traffic tickets gone to warrant. They stopped him for something, found the warrants on 'im, took 'im to jail. She doesn't want to walk around alone with all that weed. Well, I don't wanna do this, I have a bad feeling about it, but she keeps askin' me, keeps askin' me, finally I said okay 'cause I'm sick of listening to it. Well, we're picking this guy up at the train station. +Jesus Christ! You can do some crazy things with it. +Let's go over it. Where are you? I stand outside and guard the door. I don't let anybody come in or go out. +I stand outside and guard the door. I don't let anybody come in or go out. Mr. Brown? +Mr. Brown? Mr. Brown stays in the car. He's parked across the street till I give him the signal, then he pulls up in front of the store. +Mr. Brown stays in the car. He's parked across the street till I give him the signal, then he pulls up in front of the store. Mr. Blonde and Mr. Blue? +Mr. Blonde and Mr. Blue? Crowd control. They handle customers and employees in the display area. +Myself and Mr. Pink? You two take the manager in the back and make him give you the diamonds. We're there for those stones, period. Since no display cases are being fucked with, no alarms should go off. We're out of there in two minutes, not one second longer. What if the manager won't give up the diamonds? +You two take the manager in the back and make him give you the diamonds. We're there for those stones, period. Since no display cases are being fucked with, no alarms should go off. We're out of there in two minutes, not one second longer. What if the manager won't give up the diamonds? When you're dealing with a store like this, they're insured up the ass. They're not supposed to give you and resistance whatsoever. If you get a customer or an employee who thinks he's Charles Bronson, take the butt of your gun and smash their nose in. Drops 'em right to the floor. Everyone jumps, he falls down, screaming, blood squirts out his nose. Freaks everybody out. Nobody says fuckin' shit after that. You might get some bitch talk shit to ya. But give her a look, like you're gonna smash her in the face next. Watch her shut the fuck up. Now if it's a manager, that's a different story. The managers know better than to fuck around. So if one's givin' you static, he probably thinks he's a real cowboy. So what you gotta do is break that son-of-a-bitch in two. If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then you tell 'im his thumb's next. After that he'll tell ya if he wears ladies underwear. I'm hungry, let's get a taco. +I'm sorry. What? Snap out of it! +Just hold on buddy boy. I'm sorry. I can't believe she killed me... +How's freedom kid, pretty fuckin' good, ain't it? It's a change. +It's a change. Ain't that a sad truth. Remy Martin? +Ain't that a sad truth. Remy Martin? Sure. +Sure. Take a seat. +Who's your parole officer? A guy named Scagnetti. Seymour Scagnetti. +A guy named Scagnetti. Seymour Scagnetti. How is he? +How is he? Fuckin' asshole, won't let me leave the halfway house. +Fuckin' asshole, won't let me leave the halfway house. Never ceases to amaze me. Fuckin' jungle bunny goes out there, slits some old woman's throat for twenty- five cents. Fuckin' nigger gets Doris Day as a parole officer. But a good fella like you gets stuck with a ball-bustin' prick. +I just want you to know, Joe, how much I appreciate your care packages on the inside. What the hell did you expect me to do? Just forget about you? +What the hell did you expect me to do? Just forget about you? I just wanted you to know, they meant a lot. +I just wanted you to know, they meant a lot. It's the least I could do Vic. I wish I coulda done more. Vic. Toothpick Vic. Tell me a story? What're your plans? +It's the least I could do Vic. I wish I coulda done more. Vic. Toothpick Vic. Tell me a story? What're your plans? Well, what I wanna do is go back to work. But I got this Scagnetti prick deep up my ass. He won't let me leave the halfway house till I get some piece of shit job. My plans have always been to be part of the team again. +That's great, guy, thanks a bunch. When do you think you'll need me for real work? Well, it's kinda a strange time right now. Things are kinda - +Toby... who the fuck is Toby? Toby... Toby... think... think... think... "It's not about a nice girl who meets a sensitive boy. Now granted that's what ""True Blue"" is about, no argument about that." +Hey, fuck all that, I'm making a point here. You're gonna make me lose my train of thought. Oh fuck, Toby's that little china girl. +"Then one day she meets a John Holmes motherfucker, and it's like, whoa baby. This mother fucker's like Charles Bronson in ""The Great Escape."" He's diggin' tunnels. Now she's gettin' this serious dick action, she's feelin' something she ain't felt since forever. Pain." Chew? Toby Chew? No. +Chew? Toby Chew? No. "It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt. Her pussy should be Bubble-Yum by now. But when this cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts like the first time. The pain is reminding a fuck machine what is was like to be a virgin. Hence, ""Like a Virgin.""" +Wong? Fuck you, wrong. I'm right! What the fuck do you know about it anyway? You're still listening to Jerry- fucking-Vale. +Fuck you, wrong. I'm right! What the fuck do you know about it anyway? You're still listening to Jerry- fucking-Vale. Not wrong, dumb ass, Wong! You know, like the Chinese name? +Because you paid for the breakfast, I'm gonna tip. Normally I wouldn't. Whatever. Just throw in your dollar, and let's move. See what I'm dealing with here. Infants. I'm fuckin' dealin' with infants. +But he's OK. If he wasn't OK, he wouldn't be here. Okay, let me introduce everybody to everybody. But once again, at the risk of being redundant, if I even think I hear somebody telling or referring to somebody by their Christian name... ...you won't want to be you. Okay, quickly. Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Pink. Why am I Mr. Pink? +Why am I Mr. Pink? Cause you're a faggot, alright? +Why can't we pick out our own colors? I tried that once, it don't work. You get four guys fighting over who's gonna be Mr. Black. Since nobody knows anybody else, nobody wants to back down. So forget it, I pick. Be thankful you're not Mr. Yellow. +Yeah, Mr. Pink sounds like Mr. Pussy. Tell you what, let me be Mr. Purple. That sounds good to me, I'm Mr. Purple. You're not Mr. Purple, somebody from another job's Mr. Purple. You're Mr. Pink. +Nobody's trading with anybody! Look, this ain't a goddamn fuckin' city counsel meeting! Listen up Mr. Pink. We got two ways here, my way or the highway. And you can go down either of 'em. So what's it gonna be, Mr. Pink? Jesus Christ, Joe. Fuckin' forget it. This is beneath me. I'm Mr. Pink, let's move on. +Mr. Blue's dead? Dead as Dillinger. +What's that? I found this old address book in a jacket I ain't worn in a coon's age. Toby what? What the fuck was her last name? +Give me this fucking thing. What the fuck do you think you're doin'? Give me my book back! +What the fuck do you think you're doin'? Give me my book back! I'm sick of fuckin' hearin' it Joe; I'll give it back when we leave. +I'm sick of fuckin' hearin' it Joe; I'll give it back when we leave. Whaddaya mean, give it to me when we leave, give it back now. +Whaddaya mean, give it to me when we leave, give it back now. "For the past fifteen minutes now, you've just been droning on with names. ""Toby... Toby... Toby... Toby Wong... Toby Wong... Toby Chung... fuckin' Charlie Chan."" I got Madonna's big dick outta my right ear, and Toby Jap I-don't-know-what, outta my left." +"For the past fifteen minutes now, you've just been droning on with names. ""Toby... Toby... Toby... Toby Wong... Toby Wong... Toby Chung... fuckin' Charlie Chan."" I got Madonna's big dick outta my right ear, and Toby Jap I-don't-know-what, outta my left." What do you care? +What do you care? When you're annoying as hell, I care a lot. +When you're annoying as hell, I care a lot. Give me my book. +Give me my book. You gonna put it away? +You gonna put it away? I'm gonna do whatever I wanna do with it. +I'm gonna do whatever I wanna do with it. Well, then, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to keep it. +No, she did it. She killed the cheatin' wife, too. Who gives a damn? +I'll take care of this, you guys leave the tip. And when I come back, I want my book back. Sorry, it's my book now. +Sorry, it's my book now. Blonde, shoot this piece of shit, will ya? +What's she doin' now? She hooked up with Fed McGar, they've done a couple a jobs together. Good little thief. So, explain the telegram. +She hooked up with Fed McGar, they've done a couple a jobs together. Good little thief. So, explain the telegram. Five-man job. Bustin' in and bustin' out of a diamond wholesaler's. +Five-man job. Bustin' in and bustin' out of a diamond wholesaler's. Can you move the ice afterwards? I don't know nobody who can move ice. +Can you move the ice afterwards? I don't know nobody who can move ice. Not a problem, got guys waitin' for it. But what happened to Marsellus Spivey? Didn't he always move your ice? +Not a problem, got guys waitin' for it. But what happened to Marsellus Spivey? Didn't he always move your ice? He's doin' twenty years in Susanville. +He's doin' twenty years in Susanville. What for? +What for? Bad luck. What's the exposure like? +Bad luck. What's the exposure like? Two minutes, tops. It's a tough two minutes. It's daylight, during business hours, dealing with a crowd. But you'll have the guys to deal with the crowd. +Two minutes, tops. It's a tough two minutes. It's daylight, during business hours, dealing with a crowd. But you'll have the guys to deal with the crowd. How many employees? +How many employees? Around twenty. Security pretty lax. They almost always just deal in boxes. Rough uncut stones they get from the syndicate. On a certain day this wholesaler's gettin' a big shipment of polished stones from Israel. They're like a way station. They are gonna get picked up the next day and sent to Vermont. +Around twenty. Security pretty lax. They almost always just deal in boxes. Rough uncut stones they get from the syndicate. On a certain day this wholesaler's gettin' a big shipment of polished stones from Israel. They're like a way station. They are gonna get picked up the next day and sent to Vermont. No, they're not. +What's the cut, poppa? Juicy, junior, real juicy. +What the fuck are you talking about? That piece of shit. Workin' with the cops. +Joe, I don't know what you think you know, but you're wrong. Like hell I am. +Like hell I am. Joe, trust me on this, you've made a mistake. He's a good kid. I understand you're hot, you're super-fuckin' pissed. We're all real emotional. But you're barking up the wrong tree. I know this man, and he wouldn't do that. +Joe, trust me on this, you've made a mistake. He's a good kid. I understand you're hot, you're super-fuckin' pissed. We're all real emotional. But you're barking up the wrong tree. I know this man, and he wouldn't do that. You don't know jack shit. I do. This rotten bastard tipped off the cops and got Mr. Brown and Mr. Blue killed. +He was the only one I wasn't a hundred percent on. I should have my fucking head examined for goin' forward when I wasn't a hundred percent. But he seemed like a good kid, and I was impatient and greedy and all the things that fuck you up. That's your proof? +That's your proof? You don't need proof when you got instinct. I ignored it before, but not no more. +Don't worry, Eddie. Me and Larry have been friends a long time, he ain't gonna shoot. We like each other too much. Joe, if you kill that man, you die next. Repeat, if you kill that man, you die next! +Larry, I'm gonna kill him. Goddamn you, Joe, don't make me do this! +Goddamn you, Joe, don't make me do this! Larry, I'm askin' you to trust me on this. +Larry, I'm askin' you to trust me on this. Don't ask me that. +Don't ask me that. I'm not askin', I'm betting. +Okay ramblers, let's get to rambling. Wait a minute, who didn't throw in? Mr. Pink. +Mr. Pink. Mr. Pink? Why? +Mr. Pink? Why? He don't tip. +He don't tip. He don't tip? You don't tip? Why? +He don't tip? You don't tip? Why? He don't believe in it. +He don't believe in it. He don't believe in it? You don't believe in it? +He don't believe in it? You don't believe in it? Nope. +Nope. Shut up! Cough up the buck, ya cheap bastard, I paid for your goddamn breakfast. +Aren't you? I don't have the slightest fuckin' idea what you're talkin' about. +I know. You do? +You do? Your name's Freddy something. +Your name's Freddy something. Freddy Newendyke. +Freddy Newendyke. Frankie Ferchetti introduced us once, about five months ago. +Frankie Ferchetti introduced us once, about five months ago. Shit. I don't remember that at all. +Shit. I don't remember that at all. I do. How do I look? +That fucking bastard! That fucking sick fucking bastard! Marvin, I need you to hold on. There's officers positioned and waiting to move in a block away. +Marvin, I need you to hold on. There's officers positioned and waiting to move in a block away. What the fuck are they waiting for? That motherfucker cut off my ear! He slashed my face! I'm deformed! +What the fuck are they waiting for? That motherfucker cut off my ear! He slashed my face! I'm deformed! And I'm dying. They don't know that. All they know is they're not to make a move until Joe Cabot shows up. I was sent undercover to get Cabot. You heard 'em, they said he's on his way. Don't pussy out on me now, Marvin. We're just gonna sit here and bleed until Joe Cabot sticks his fuckin' head through that door. +Joe, you want me to shoot him for you? Shit, you shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize. +So, talk. We think we got a rat in the house. +What's this guy's problem? What's my problem? Yeah, I gotta problem. I gotta big problem with any trigger-happy madman who almost gets me shot! +What's my problem? Yeah, I gotta problem. I gotta big problem with any trigger-happy madman who almost gets me shot! What're you talkin' about? +What're you talkin' about? That fuckin' shooting spree in the store. +That fuckin' shooting spree in the store. Fuck 'em, they set off the alarm, they deserve what they got. +Fuck 'em, they set off the alarm, they deserve what they got. You almost killed me, asshole! If I had any idea what type of guy you were, I never would've agreed to work with you. +You almost killed me, asshole! If I had any idea what type of guy you were, I never would've agreed to work with you. You gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite? +You gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite? What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it? +What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it? "I said: ""Are you gonna bark all day, dog, or are you gonna bite.""" +Follow you where? Down to my car. +Down to my car. Why? +Why? It's a surprise. +For what, the cops? Nice Guy Eddie. +You talked to Nice Guy Eddie? Why the fuck didn't you say that in the first place? You didn't ask. +You didn't ask. Hardy-fuckin-har. What did he say? +Hardy-fuckin-har. What did he say? Stay put. Okay, fellas, take a look at the little surprise I brought you. +Because this guy's a fucking psycho. And if you think Joe's pissed at us, that ain't nothing compared to how pissed off I am at him, for puttin' me in the same room as this bastard. "You see what I been puttin' up with? As soon as I walk through the door I'm hit with this shit. I tell 'm what you told me about us stayin' put and Mr. White whips out his gun, sticks it in my face, and starts screaming ""You motherfucker, I'm gonna blow you away, blah, blah, blah.""" +"You see what I been puttin' up with? As soon as I walk through the door I'm hit with this shit. I tell 'm what you told me about us stayin' put and Mr. White whips out his gun, sticks it in my face, and starts screaming ""You motherfucker, I'm gonna blow you away, blah, blah, blah.""" He's the reason the place turned into a shooting gallery. What are you, a silent partner? Fuckin' tell him. +I told 'em not to touch the alarm. They touched it. I blew 'em full of holes. If they hadn't done what I told 'em not it, they'd still be alive. That's your excuse for going on a kill crazy rampage? +That's your excuse for going on a kill crazy rampage? I don't like alarms. +Hey, just cancel that shit right now! You're hurt. You're hurt really fucking bad, but you ain't dying. All this blood is scaring the shit outta me. I'm gonna die, I know it. +All this blood is scaring the shit outta me. I'm gonna die, I know it. Oh excuse me, I didn't realize you had a degree in medicine. Are you a doctor? Are you a doctor? Answer me please, are you a doctor? +Oh excuse me, I didn't realize you had a degree in medicine. Are you a doctor? Are you a doctor? Answer me please, are you a doctor? No, I'm not! +Say-the-goddamn-words: You're gonna be okay! I'm okay. +I'm okay. Correct. +Just hold on buddy boy. Hold on, and wait for Joe. I can't do anything for you, but when Joe gets here, which should be anytime now, he'll be able to help you. We're just gonna sit here, and wait for Joe. Who are we waiting for? Joe. +Joe. Bet your sweet ass we are. +I ain't going anywhere. I'm right here. I'm not gonna leave ya. Larry, I'm so scared, would you please hold me. +Look, I don't wanna be a fly in the ointment, but if help doesn't come soon, I gotta see a doctor. I don't give a fuck about jail, I just don't wanna die. You're not gonna fucking die, all right? +You're not gonna fucking die, all right? I wasn't born yesterday. I'm hurt, and I'm hurt bad. +I wasn't born yesterday. I'm hurt, and I'm hurt bad. It's not good... +It's not good... Hey, bless your heart for what you're trying to do. I was panicking for a moment, but I've got my senses back now. The situation is, I'm shot in the belly. And without medical attention, I'm gonna die. +Hey, bless your heart for what you're trying to do. I was panicking for a moment, but I've got my senses back now. The situation is, I'm shot in the belly. And without medical attention, I'm gonna die. I can' take you to a hospital. +I can' take you to a hospital. Fuck jail! I don't give a shit about jail. But I can't die. You don't have to take me in. Just drive me up to the front, drop me on the sidewalk. I'll take care of myself. I won't tell them anything. I swear to fucking god, I won't tell 'em anything. Look in my eyes, look right in my eyes. I-won't-tell-them-anything. You'll be safe. +Fuck jail! I don't give a shit about jail. But I can't die. You don't have to take me in. Just drive me up to the front, drop me on the sidewalk. I'll take care of myself. I won't tell them anything. I swear to fucking god, I won't tell 'em anything. Look in my eyes, look right in my eyes. I-won't-tell-them-anything. You'll be safe. Lie back down, and try to - +Lie back down, and try to - I'm going to die! I need a doctor! I'm begging you, take me to a doctor. +What happened? Blonde went crazy. He slashed the cop's face, cut off his ear and was gonna burn him alive. +Uhuh, uhuh, what's I tell ya? That sick piece of shit was a stone cold psycho. You could've asked the cop, if you didn't just kill him. He talked about what he was going to do when he was slicing him up. +Have you guys been listening to K- BILLY's super sounds of the seventies weekend? Yeah, it's fuckin' great isn't it? +Yeah, it's fuckin' great isn't it? Can you believe the songs they been playin'? +Can you believe the songs they been playin'? "No, I can't. You know what I heard the other day? ""Heartbeat-It's Lovebeat,"" by little Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco Family. I haven't heard that since I was in fifth fuckin' grade." +"No, I can't. You know what I heard the other day? ""Heartbeat-It's Lovebeat,"" by little Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco Family. I haven't heard that since I was in fifth fuckin' grade." "When I was coming down here, I was playin' it. And ""The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia"" came on. Now I ain't heard that song since it was big, but when it was big, I heard it a million-trillion times. I'm listening to it this morning, and this was the first time I ever realized that the lady singing the song, was the one who killed Andy." +C'mon, throw in a buck. Uh-uh. I don't tip. +Uh-uh. I don't tip. Whaddaya mean you don't tip? +Whaddaya mean you don't tip? I don't believe in it. +I don't believe in it. You don't believe in tipping? +I don't even know a Jew who'd have the balls to say that. So let's get this straight. You never ever tip? I don't tip because society says I gotta. I tip when somebody deserves a tip. When somebody really puts forth an effort, they deserve a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, that shit's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doin' their job. +I'd go over twelve percent for that. Look, I ordered coffee. Now we've been here a long fuckin' time, and she's only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee, I want it filled six times. +These ladies aren't starvin' to death. They make minimum wage. When I worked for minimum wage, I wasn't lucky enough to have a job that society deemed tipworthy. Ahh, now we're getting down to it. It's not just that he's a cheap bastard - +Do you know what this is? It's the world's smallest violin, playing just for the waitresses. You don't have any idea what you're talking about. These people bust their ass. This is a hard job. +You don't have any idea what you're talking about. These people bust their ass. This is a hard job. So's working at McDonald's, but you don't feel the need to tip them. They're servin' ya food, you should tip em. But no, society says tip these guys over here, but not those guys over there. That's bullshit. +Waitressing is the number one occupation for female non-college graduates in this country. It's the one job basically any woman can get, and make a living on. The reason is because of tips. Fuck all that. +Gun shot. Oh that's just fucking great! Where's Brown? +Oh that's just fucking great! Where's Brown? Dead. +Dead. Goddamn, goddamn! How did he die? +Goddamn, goddamn! How did he die? How the fuck do you think? The cops shot him. +How the fuck do you think? The cops shot him. Oh this is bad, this is so bad. Is it bad? +Oh this is bad, this is so bad. Is it bad? As opposed to good? +As opposed to good? This is so fucked up. Somebody fucked us big time. +This is so fucked up. Somebody fucked us big time. You really think we were set up? +You really think we were set up? You even doubt it? I don't think we got set up, I know we got set up! I mean really, seriously, where did all those cops come from, huh? One minute they're not there, the next minute they're there. I didn't hear any sirens. The alarm went off, okay. Okay, when an alarm goes off, you got an average of four minutes response time. Unless a patrol car is cruising that street, at that particular moment, you got four minutes before they can realistically respond. In one minute there were seventeen blue boys out there. All loaded for bear, all knowing exactly what the fuck they were doing, and they were all just there! Remember that second wave that showed up in the cars? Those were the ones responding to the alarm. But those other motherfuckers were already there, they were waiting for us. You haven't thought about this? +You even doubt it? I don't think we got set up, I know we got set up! I mean really, seriously, where did all those cops come from, huh? One minute they're not there, the next minute they're there. I didn't hear any sirens. The alarm went off, okay. Okay, when an alarm goes off, you got an average of four minutes response time. Unless a patrol car is cruising that street, at that particular moment, you got four minutes before they can realistically respond. In one minute there were seventeen blue boys out there. All loaded for bear, all knowing exactly what the fuck they were doing, and they were all just there! Remember that second wave that showed up in the cars? Those were the ones responding to the alarm. But those other motherfuckers were already there, they were waiting for us. You haven't thought about this? I haven't had a chance to think. First I was just trying to get the fuck outta there. And after we got away, I've just been dealin' with him. +I haven't had a chance to think. First I was just trying to get the fuck outta there. And after we got away, I've just been dealin' with him. Well, you better start thinking about it. Cause I, sure as fuck, am thinking about it. In fact, that's all I'm thinking about. I came this close to just driving off. Whoever set us up, knows about this place. There could've been cops sitting here waiting for me. For all we know, there's cops, driving fast, on their way here now. +Well, you better start thinking about it. Cause I, sure as fuck, am thinking about it. In fact, that's all I'm thinking about. I came this close to just driving off. Whoever set us up, knows about this place. There could've been cops sitting here waiting for me. For all we know, there's cops, driving fast, on their way here now. Let's go in the other room... +"What the fuck am I doing here? I felt funny about this job right off. As soon as I felt it I should said ""No thank you"", and walked. But I never fucking listen. Every time I ever got burned buying weed, I always knew the guy wasn't right. I just felt it. But I wanted to believe him. If he's not lyin' to me, and it really is Thai stick, then whoa baby. But it's never Thai stick. And I always said if I felt that way about a job, I'd walk. And I did, and I didn't, because of fuckin' money!" What's done is done, I need you cool. Are you cool? +What's done is done, I need you cool. Are you cool? I'm cool. +I'm cool. Splash some water on your face. Take a breather. +Want a smoke? Why not? +Okay, let's go through what happened. We're in the place, everything's going fine. Then the alarm gets tripped. I turn around and all these cops are outside. You're right, it was like, bam! I blink my eyes are they're there. Everybody starts going apeshit. Then Mr. Blonde starts shootin' all the - That's not correct. +That's not correct. What's wrong with it? +What's wrong with it? The cops didn't show up after the alarm went off. They didn't show till after Mr. Blonde started shooting everyone. +The cops didn't show up after the alarm went off. They didn't show till after Mr. Blonde started shooting everyone. As soon as I heard the alarm, I saw the cops. +As soon as I heard the alarm, I saw the cops. I'm telling ya, it wasn't that soon. They didn't let their presence be known until after Mr. Blonde went off. I'm not sayin' they weren't there, I'm sayin' they were there. But they didn't move in till Mr. Blonde became a madman. That's how I know we were set up. You can see that, can't you, Mr. White? +I'm telling ya, it wasn't that soon. They didn't let their presence be known until after Mr. Blonde went off. I'm not sayin' they weren't there, I'm sayin' they were there. But they didn't move in till Mr. Blonde became a madman. That's how I know we were set up. You can see that, can't you, Mr. White? "Look, enough of this ""Mr White"" shit -" +"Look, enough of this ""Mr White"" shit -" Don't tell me your name, I don't want to know! I sure as hell ain't gonna tell ya mine. +Don't tell me your name, I don't want to know! I sure as hell ain't gonna tell ya mine. You're right, this is bad. How did you get out? +You're right, this is bad. How did you get out? Shot my way out. Everybody was shooting, so I just blasted my way outta there. +Tagged a couple of cops. Did you kill anybody? A few cops. +A few cops. No real people? +No real people? Uh-uh, just cops. +Uh-uh, just cops. Could you believe Mr. Blonde? +Could you believe Mr. Blonde? That was one of the most insane fucking things I've ever seen. Why the fuck would Joe hire somebody like that? +That was one of the most insane fucking things I've ever seen. Why the fuck would Joe hire somebody like that? I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way of the other, you're gettin' outta my way. +I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way of the other, you're gettin' outta my way. That's the way I look at it. A choice between doin' ten years, and takin' out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman either. What the fuck was Joe thinkin'? You can't work with a guy like that. That motherfucker's unstable. What do you think? Do you think he panicked, or ya think he's just trigger-happy? +That's the way I look at it. A choice between doin' ten years, and takin' out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman either. What the fuck was Joe thinkin'? You can't work with a guy like that. That motherfucker's unstable. What do you think? Do you think he panicked, or ya think he's just trigger-happy? I think he's a sick fuckin' maniac! We're awful goddamn lucky he didn't tag us, when he shot up the place. I came this fucking close - to taking his ass out myself. Everybody panics. When things get tense, everybody panics. Everybody. I don't care what your name is, you can't help it. It's human nature. But ya panic on the inside. Ya panic in your head. Ya give yourself a couple a seconds of panic, then you get a grip and deal with the situation. What you don't do, is shoot up the place and kill everybody. +I think he's a sick fuckin' maniac! We're awful goddamn lucky he didn't tag us, when he shot up the place. I came this fucking close - to taking his ass out myself. Everybody panics. When things get tense, everybody panics. Everybody. I don't care what your name is, you can't help it. It's human nature. But ya panic on the inside. Ya panic in your head. Ya give yourself a couple a seconds of panic, then you get a grip and deal with the situation. What you don't do, is shoot up the place and kill everybody. What you're supposed to do is act like a fuckin' professional. A psychopath is not a professional. You can't work with a psychopath, 'cause ya don't know what those sick assholes are gonna do next. I mean, Jesus Christ, how old do you think that black girl was? Twenty, maybe twenty-one? +What you're supposed to do is act like a fuckin' professional. A psychopath is not a professional. You can't work with a psychopath, 'cause ya don't know what those sick assholes are gonna do next. I mean, Jesus Christ, how old do you think that black girl was? Twenty, maybe twenty-one? Did ya see what happened to anybody else? +Did ya see what happened to anybody else? Me and Mr. Orange jumped in the car and Mr. Brown floored it. After that, I don't know what went down. +Me and Mr. Orange jumped in the car and Mr. Brown floored it. After that, I don't know what went down. At that point it became every man for himself. As far as Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue are concerned, I ain't got the foggiest. Once I got out, I never looked back. +At that point it became every man for himself. As far as Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue are concerned, I ain't got the foggiest. Once I got out, I never looked back. What do you think? +What do you think? What do I think? I think the cops caught them, or killed 'em. +What do I think? I think the cops caught them, or killed 'em. Not even a chance they punched through? You found a hole. +Not even a chance they punched through? You found a hole. Yeah, and that was a fucking miracle. But if they did get away, where the fuck are they? +Yeah, and that was a fucking miracle. But if they did get away, where the fuck are they? You don't think it's possible, one of them got a hold of the diamonds and pulled a - +You don't think it's possible, one of them got a hold of the diamonds and pulled a - Nope. +Nope. How can you be so sure? +How can you be so sure? I got the diamonds. +I got the diamonds. Where? +Where? I got 'em, all right? +I got 'em, all right? Where? Are they out in the car? +Where? Are they out in the car? No, they're not in the car. No, I don't have them on me. Ya wanna go with me and get 'em? Yes, we can go right now. But first listen to what I'm telling you. We were fuckin' set up! Somebody is in league with the cops. We got a Judas in our midst. And I'm thinkin' we should have our fuckin' heads examined for waiting around here. +No, they're not in the car. No, I don't have them on me. Ya wanna go with me and get 'em? Yes, we can go right now. But first listen to what I'm telling you. We were fuckin' set up! Somebody is in league with the cops. We got a Judas in our midst. And I'm thinkin' we should have our fuckin' heads examined for waiting around here. That was the plan, we meet here. +That was the plan, we meet here. Then where is everybody? I say the plan became null and void once we found out we got a rat in the house. We ain't got the slightest fuckin' idea what happened to Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue. They could both be dead or arrested. They could be sweatin' 'em, down at the station house right now. Yeah they don't know the names, but they can sing about this place. I mean, that could be happening right now. As we speak, the cops could be in their cars, drivin' here this minute. +Then where is everybody? I say the plan became null and void once we found out we got a rat in the house. We ain't got the slightest fuckin' idea what happened to Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue. They could both be dead or arrested. They could be sweatin' 'em, down at the station house right now. Yeah they don't know the names, but they can sing about this place. I mean, that could be happening right now. As we speak, the cops could be in their cars, drivin' here this minute. I swear to god I'm fuckin' jinxed. +I swear to god I'm fuckin' jinxed. What? +What? Two jobs back, it was a four man job, we discovered one of the team was an undercover cop. +Two jobs back, it was a four man job, we discovered one of the team was an undercover cop. No shit? +No shit? Thank god, we discovered in time. We hadda forget the whole fuckin' thing. Just walked away from it. +Thank god, we discovered in time. We hadda forget the whole fuckin' thing. Just walked away from it. So who's the rat this time? Mr. Blue? Mr. Blonde? Joe? It's Joe's show, he set this whole thing up. Maybe he set it up to set it up. +So who's the rat this time? Mr. Blue? Mr. Blonde? Joe? It's Joe's show, he set this whole thing up. Maybe he set it up to set it up. I don't buy it. Me and Joe go back a long time. I can tell ya straight up, Joe definitely didn't have anything to do with this bullshit. +I don't buy it. Me and Joe go back a long time. I can tell ya straight up, Joe definitely didn't have anything to do with this bullshit. Oh, you and Joe go back a long time. I known Joe since I was a kid. But me saying Joe definitely couldn't have done it is ridiculous. I can say I definitely didn't do it, cause I know what I did or didn't do. But I can't definitely say that about anybody else, 'cause I don't definitely know. For all I know, you're the rat. +Oh, you and Joe go back a long time. I known Joe since I was a kid. But me saying Joe definitely couldn't have done it is ridiculous. I can say I definitely didn't do it, cause I know what I did or didn't do. But I can't definitely say that about anybody else, 'cause I don't definitely know. For all I know, you're the rat. For all I know, you're the rat. +For all I know, you're the rat. Now you're using your head. For all we know, he's the rat. +Now you're using your head. For all we know, he's the rat. That kid in there is dying from a fuckin' bullet that I saw him take. So don't be calling him a rat. +That kid in there is dying from a fuckin' bullet that I saw him take. So don't be calling him a rat. Look, asshole, I'm right! Somebody's a fuckin' rat. How many times do I hafta say it before it sinks in your skull? +I gotta take a squirt, where's the commode in this dungeon? Go down the hall, turn left, up those stairs, then turn right. +So, is he dead or what? He ain't dead. +He ain't dead. So what is it? +So what is it? I think he's just passed out. +I think he's just passed out. He scared the fuckin' shit outta me. I thought he was dead fer sure. +He will be dead fer sure, if we don't get him to a hospital. We can't take him to a hospital. +We can't take him to a hospital. Without medical attention, this man won't live through the night. That bullet in his belly is my fault. Now while that might not mean jack shit to you, it means a helluva lot to me. And I'm not gonna just sit around and watch him die. +Without medical attention, this man won't live through the night. That bullet in his belly is my fault. Now while that might not mean jack shit to you, it means a helluva lot to me. And I'm not gonna just sit around and watch him die. Well, first things first, staying here's goofy. We gotta book up. +Well, first things first, staying here's goofy. We gotta book up. So what do you suggest, we go to a hotel? We got a guy who's shot in the belly, he can't walk, he bleeds like a stuck pig, and when he's awake, he screams in pain. +So what do you suggest, we go to a hotel? We got a guy who's shot in the belly, he can't walk, he bleeds like a stuck pig, and when he's awake, he screams in pain. You gotta idea, spit it out. +You gotta idea, spit it out. Joe could help him. If we can get in touch with Joe, Joe could get him to a doctor, Joe could get a doctor to come and see him. +Assuming we can trust Joe, how we gonna get in touch with him? He's supposed to be here, but he ain't, which is making me nervous about being here. Even if Joe is on the up and up, he's probably not gonna be that happy with us. Joe planned a robbery, but he's got a blood bath on his hands now. Dead cops, dead robbers, dead civilians... Jesus Christ! I tend to doubt he's gonna have a lot of sympathy for our plight. If I was him, I'd try and put as much distance between me and this mess an humanly possible. Before you got here, Mr. Orange was askin' me to take him to a hospital. Now I don't like turning him over to the cops, but if we don't, he's dead. He begged me to do it. I told him to hold off till Joe got here. +Before you got here, Mr. Orange was askin' me to take him to a hospital. Now I don't like turning him over to the cops, but if we don't, he's dead. He begged me to do it. I told him to hold off till Joe got here. Well Joe ain't gettin' here. We're on our own. Now, I don't know a goddamn body who can help him, so if you know somebody, call 'em. +Well Joe ain't gettin' here. We're on our own. Now, I don't know a goddamn body who can help him, so if you know somebody, call 'em. I don't know anybody. +I don't know anybody. Well, I guess we drop him off at the hospital. Since he don't know nothin' about us, I say it's his decision. +Well, I guess we drop him off at the hospital. Since he don't know nothin' about us, I say it's his decision. Well, he knows a little about me. +Well, he knows a little about me. You didn't tell him your name, did ya? +You didn't tell him your name, did ya? I told him my first name, and where I'm from. +Why! I told him where I was from a few days ago. It was just a casual conversation. +I told him where I was from a few days ago. It was just a casual conversation. And what was tellin him your name when you weren't supposed to? +And what was tellin him your name when you weren't supposed to? He asked. +"We had just gotten away from the cops. He just got shot. It was my fuckin' fault he got shot. He's a fuckin' bloody mess - he's screaming. I swear to god, I thought we was gonna die right then and there. I'm tryin' to comfort him, telling him not to worry, he's gonna be okay, I'm gonna take care of him. And he asked me what my name was. I mean, the man was dyin' in my arms. What the fuck was I supposed to tell him, ""Sorry, I can't give out that information, it's against the rules. I don't trust you enough.""? Maybe I shoulda, but I couldn't." Oh, I don't doubt is was quite beautiful - +Oh, I don't doubt is was quite beautiful - Don't fuckin' patronize me. +Don't fuckin' patronize me. One question: Do they have a sheet on you, where you told him you're from? +One question: Do they have a sheet on you, where you told him you're from? Of course. +Of course. Well that's that, then. I mean, I was worried about mug shot possibilities already. But now he knows: what you look like, what your first name is, where you're from and what your specialty is. They ain't gonna hafta show him a helluva lot of pictures for him to pick you out. That's it right, you didn't tell him anything else that could narrow down the selection? +Well that's that, then. I mean, I was worried about mug shot possibilities already. But now he knows: what you look like, what your first name is, where you're from and what your specialty is. They ain't gonna hafta show him a helluva lot of pictures for him to pick you out. That's it right, you didn't tell him anything else that could narrow down the selection? If I have to tell you again to back off, me an you are gonna go round and round. +We ain't taking him to a hospital. If we don't, he'll die. +If we don't, he'll die. And I'm very sad about that. But some fellas are lucky, and some ain't. +And I'm very sad about that. But some fellas are lucky, and some ain't. That fuckin did it! +You wanna shoot me, you little piece of shit? Take a shot! Fuck you, White! I didn't create this situation, I'm just dealin' with it. You're acting like a first- year fuckin' thief. I'm actin like a professional. They get him, they can get you, they get you, they get closer to me, and that can't happen. And you, you motherfucker, are looking at me like it's my fault. I didn't tell him my name. I didn't tell him where I was from. I didn't tell him what I knew better than to tell him. Fuck, fifteen minutes ago, you almost told me your name. You, buddy, are stuck in a situation you created. So if you wanna throw bad looks somewhere, throw 'em at a mirror. +He got it in the belly. He's still alive, but won't be for long. Enough! You better start talkin' to us, asshole, cause we got shit we need to talk about. We're already freaked out, we need you actin freaky like we need a fuckin' bag on our hip. +Is that supposed to be funny? We don't think this place is safe. +We don't think this place is safe. This place just ain't secure anymore. We're leaving, and you should go with us. +Both of you two assholes knock it the fuck off and calm down! So you wanna git bit, huh? +So you wanna git bit, huh? Cut the bullshit, we ain't on a fuckin' playground! I don't believe this shit, both of you got ten years on me, and I'm the only one actin like a professional. You guys act like a bunch of fuckin' niggers. You ever work a job with a bunch of niggers? They're just like you two, always fightin', always sayin' they're gonna kill one another. +Cut the bullshit, we ain't on a fuckin' playground! I don't believe this shit, both of you got ten years on me, and I'm the only one actin like a professional. You guys act like a bunch of fuckin' niggers. You ever work a job with a bunch of niggers? They're just like you two, always fightin', always sayin' they're gonna kill one another. You said yourself, you thought about takin' him out. +You said yourself, you thought about takin' him out. Then. That time has passed. Right now, Mr. Blonde is the only one I completely trust. He's too fuckin' homicidal to be workin' with the cops. +Then. That time has passed. Right now, Mr. Blonde is the only one I completely trust. He's too fuckin' homicidal to be workin' with the cops. You takin' his side? +You takin' his side? Fuck sides! What we need is a little solidarity here. Somebody's stickin' a red hot poker up our asses and we gotta find out whose hand's on the handle. Now I know I'm no piece of shit... And I'm pretty sure you're a good boy... And I'm fuckin positive you're on the level. So let's figure out who's the bad guy. +I told ya he'd be pissed. What are you gonna do about him? +He seems all right now, but he went crazy in the store. This is what he was doin'. +...Hey, I know what I'm talkin' about, black women ain't the same as white women. There's a slight difference. +Okay, Mr. Expert. If this is such a truism, how come every nigger I know treats his woman like a piece of shit? I'll make you a bet that those same damn niggers who were showin' their ass in public, when their bitches get 'em home, they chill the fuck out. +I'll make you a bet that those same damn niggers who were showin' their ass in public, when their bitches get 'em home, they chill the fuck out. Not these guys. +Not these guys. Yeah, those guys too. +Who cares what your name is? Who cares if you're Mr. Pink, Mr. Purple, Mr. Pussy, Mr. Piss... "Oh that's really easy for you to say, you're Mr. White. You gotta cool-sounding name. So tell me, Mr. White, if you think ""Mr. Pink"" is no big deal, you wanna trade?" +Hello Graham -- Joe -- Mr. Gardner. Graham's got something to tell you might interest you. +You should be. Maybe Lednov heard about that Sonora ranch of yours. Maybe he did. +Maybe he did. We're going to look for him. Want to come along? +We're going to look for him. Want to come along? I've got eleven horses to get over the mountains before snow catches me and covers the feed. +I've got eleven horses to get over the mountains before snow catches me and covers the feed. And that's more important than finding Lednov? +And that's more important than finding Lednov? Like you said, maybe he knows where my ranch is. If he does, he'll be waiting on the porch. +Who shot who? Nobody. The light was bad. +What's she doin' runnin' around the country at night. I wouldn't know. Did you ask her? +I wouldn't know. Did you ask her? All I can get out of her is she don't care about livin'. +All I can get out of her is she don't care about livin'. Look of things, she doesn't. +Look of things, she doesn't. Yeah. Keep a closer eye on her -- And him. Shootin' going on, we'll never find Lednov. +You don't know how good it is to see you. Maybe you won't feel that way after I tell you what I stopped in for. +Tell them to come on in. But I'm going to have to leave 'em here. They're --- well they're not the sort of people you're used to. +But I'm going to have to leave 'em here. They're --- well they're not the sort of people you're used to. It doesn't matter who they are. +It doesn't matter who they are. And one of 'em is sick. +And one of 'em is sick. Why didn't you say so. Go right out and get her. Ed. build the fire up. +Anybody hurt? No. We came down the hill a little fast and... ...the wheel broke. Can you fix it for us? +What's the matter with her? Too much excitement. How about the surrey. Can you fix it? +This must have been in the family a long time. It was a gift from the citizens of Aspen. I'm Mary Wells. +And this is Helen Carter. I'm Clay Phillips. My brother Steve. +Yes, ma'am. As far as -- Sonora? +As far as -- Sonora? Just about. +They won't be riding in the wagon. Did you ever try taking a bunch of horses over Sonora Pass? It's quite a job. +Did you ever try taking a bunch of horses over Sonora Pass? It's quite a job. You can't leave us here. +You can't leave us here. Course I can't. I'll give you a lift to the first ranch. +What good is it going to do us to go to some ranch? You can stay here if you like. +You can stay here if you like. We have to get to Sonora. There are jobs waiting for us there. We'll pay you for your trouble. +We have to get to Sonora. There are jobs waiting for us there. We'll pay you for your trouble. I'm not running a stage line, ma'am, and I can't take a chance on losing the horses. +Our kind of women? You'll have to drive -- except down hill. +What's the matter with her? Too much excitement. Or maybe it's just the heat. How about the surrey. Can you fix it? +And this is Helen Carter. I'm Clay Phillips. My brother Steve. +So am I. It's a nice place owned by an old couple named Wyatt. +Thanks. And isn't there something we can do about supper -- or making the beds? Steve and me, we use a saddle for a pillow and roll up in a tarp. +Steve and me, we use a saddle for a pillow and roll up in a tarp. But you eat, don't you? +But you eat, don't you? Mostly, we open a can of beans and boil some coffee. +Mostly, we open a can of beans and boil some coffee. Where do you keep the can opener? +Where do you keep the can opener? In the grub box. Toward morning the dew gets kind of heavy so maybe you better fix up a bed under the wagon. Spread some bunch grass under the tarp and the ground won't be so hard. +Of course it'll work. You can get another girl to fill out the act. And look at it this way. How about Jim -- it puts him in a sort of tough spot. +If you were in his shoes would you take one of us home? I'm not in his shoes, so leave me out of it. +Steve maybe you better get some wood for the fire. Would you, Mr. Phillips? +Would you, Mr. Phillips? Go on, there's a good boy. +There's a nice boy. Yeah. +Yeah. That why you always took him on the other side of the street? +Like what? Like sticking his nose into other people's business. +Get back to the horses. They're straggling. He's learning his letters. +He's learning his letters. Yeah. While the horses wander all over the country. +Learnin' to read has nothing to do with the right or the wrong side of the street. Are the horses stragglin' or aren't they? +Are the horses stragglin' or aren't they? They're stragglin'. +They're stragglin'. His letters will keep. +But the nearest shelter's the Wyatt ranch and that's maybe five hours away. Can we get a doctor at that ranch? +Can we get a doctor at that ranch? No, Ma'am, we can't. We can get a roof and a fire and maybe Mrs. Wyatt knows something about taking care of sick people. +So that was why she tried to run away. Didn't you know she had a father and mother out here? +Didn't you know she had a father and mother out here? I didn't know anything about her except she wanted a job because some man had left her stranded. I couldn't leave her in the street. Let's go. +I didn't know anything about her except she wanted a job because some man had left her stranded. I couldn't leave her in the street. Let's go. Hold on. +Hold on. We can't stay here! +We can't stay here! It's a long walk back to Aspen. +Coffee? No, thanks. I hope we won't be a burden to them. +No, thanks. I hope we won't be a burden to them. I hope so, too. +I'm sorry, but that's how it's got to be. I suppose it is. +I suppose it is. And it's not only because the trip's a tough one -- +You don't have to explain. Did I tell you how grateful I am for what you've done? I couldn't leave you sitting by the road. +I couldn't leave you sitting by the road. You could have treated us like they did in Aspen. No. You wouldn't do a thing like that -- it isn't in you to be mean or cruel. +I hope you get everything you want out of life -- Thanks. +Thanks. You've earned it -- the horse ranch on the Toulomoe -- the girl in the spotted gingham. +You've earned it -- the horse ranch on the Toulomoe -- the girl in the spotted gingham. The who? +The who? You should know. She's in your dream. +Ever since you've looked after Steve you've had the dream -- a ranch on the river -- good grass, good water, barn corral and house --- that part you've shared with Steve. The girl in gingham you plan sneakin' in when he isn't looking. Go on. Tell me more about her. +Go on. Tell me more about her. She wears this gingham dress -- cooks popovers -- makes jam in season -- makes her own soap from pig fat and wood ashes and has cheeks the color of red apples. +She wears this gingham dress -- cooks popovers -- makes jam in season -- makes her own soap from pig fat and wood ashes and has cheeks the color of red apples. I'll make the soap myself. +I'll make the soap myself. But the rest is right. +But the rest is right. Will she be dark or fair? +Will she be dark or fair? Blonde as a new mop. And beautiful as the girl on a feed store calendar. +He knows his alphabet. That's fine. +Are we leaving? It's too light yet. +Better go on back and get some more sleep. You'll need it later on. You're not going out to look for them? +You're not going out to look for them? No, I'm not. All I want 'em to do is keep ahead of us -- a long way ahead. So I'm riding up the line aways to pick us out a new trail. +Don't you trust me? Not on this trail, I don't. I've been over it before. Anyway, you ought to be pretty sleepy. Why don't you climb in back. +Why did you change your mind about bringing us along? Why do you think? +Why do you think? I don't know. I thought I did. Now I'm not sure. I thought it had something to do with me. +I don't know. I thought I did. Now I'm not sure. I thought it had something to do with me. Oh, it did. It had a great deal to do with you. +You know so much about me -- figure it out. So that's it -- You think I was making fun of your girl in gingham. +You wouldn't do a thing like that, would you? Yes. But -- that was the other night. Now -- I don't think I would. +You should have. I don't like leaving things unfinished. Maybe it's better that way. +Maybe it's better that way. You don't mean that Clay. +Tell me, darling. What? +What? What does a man usually tell a girl? +What did you expect? Speeches I don't mean? I don't expect anything. A minute ago I hadn't cuite waked up. +I'm awake now. Go on. Say what you want to say. I'll listen. If it's pretty speeches you want, you won't be hearing them. Even when I mean 'em, they don't come easy. +If it's pretty speeches you want, you won't be hearing them. Even when I mean 'em, they don't come easy. Save 'em for the girl in gingham. Just tell me I'm not good enough for you. Go on. Say a woman like me can't change. +Save 'em for the girl in gingham. Just tell me I'm not good enough for you. Go on. Say a woman like me can't change. All right -- it's said! +All right -- it's said! Then let's get started. The sooner I get to Sonora, the better I'll like it. +No, I'm not all right. I'm soaked and I hit myself against that rock. I suppose that's my fault. +All my clothes -- That's right -- worry about your clothes -- +Go on, take it. Then you can't spend the rest of the trip expecting to get paid. There won't be any rest of the trip. Over the hill is a stage road and when we hit it you get dumped into the first stage that comes along. So keep your money. You'll need it for the fare. I'm fed up with you. I was fed up with you before we started. +So grab yourself some sleep while you have the chance. If you want to go on, I can make it all right. +If you want to go on, I can make it all right. Like I said, I was thinkin' of the horses. +I won't have you fighting over me. I'm sorry. +Maybe it isn't going to Sonora, but it's going somewhere, which is all right with me. It's going to Sonora. +It's going to Sonora. Fine -- maybe I'll see you there sometime. +Some of 'em you didn't mean but most of 'em you did. I don't blame you because I understand your way of thinking and why you think that way. You want your women on pedestals. But they have to be born on 'em -- they can fall off but they can't climb back up. I can't help how I think. You're trained a certain way when you're a kid and you can't change. +I can't change either. Not unless somebody wants me enough to give me a hand. Hurry up. +I'm fool enough to believe that one of these days somebody will. Somebody who wants me as I am will maybe walk into the place where I'm working and take me out of there. Maybe they will. +Goodbye. Thanks for the lift. Goodbye, Mary. +Goodbye, Mary. By the way, if you ever go past the Wyatt ranch, have another talk with Elaine. +Thanks for taking over. Thanks for loading me on the stage. I know now why you did it. +Thanks for loading me on the stage. I know now why you did it. Like I said, women get in the way sometimes. +Where you going? To the other side of the street. +That job you were talkin' about, did you get it yet? Why? +Why? Because... well, you said you wanted a man to think enough of you to walk in the place you were working and take you out of there... tonight I was sort of tied up with Steve... but tomorrow I figured on doing just that. +Because... well, you said you wanted a man to think enough of you to walk in the place you were working and take you out of there... tonight I was sort of tied up with Steve... but tomorrow I figured on doing just that. I haven't got the job yet. +Drop yours. I'm gunshy. Then don't come sneakin' around a man's camp. +Then don't come sneakin' around a man's camp. A fellow sees a fire go out all of a sudden, he don't take chances. My name's Clayton and I'm looking for someone. +I found their surrey -- So did I. They were in it. +So did I. They were in it. She's a friend -- took off this morning sort of sudden while I wasn't around. +Here's a man says he's looking for you girls. Hello, Miss Wells. +I -- lost something. It wouldn't happen to be this... +Stretch out under the seat, Miss. Which ranch? +Which ranch? How's that? +I can't -- You've got to -- don't you understand -- they want me with them and they'll fix it so I have to go -- +You've got to -- don't you understand -- they want me with them and they'll fix it so I have to go -- No they won't. +How does she draw? A little hot. +That's right. I don't see no sense to makin' people leave town if they don't want to leave. +Who's Lednov? A man I used to know. +You might tell a fellow things, 'specially if the fellow's your brother, seems to me. Like what? +Like why you're buyin' a whole slew of 30 30 shells all of a sudden. I don't want to run short. +I don't want to run short. You never said this Lednov's name before, that I can remember. +You never said this Lednov's name before, that I can remember. No call to. That jail looked pretty solid to me. How's she feel? +No call to. That jail looked pretty solid to me. How's she feel? Nice. +But it's leaded up and anyway a 22's no good for real huntin'. You shoot a man with a 22 and where are you? The thing to do is stick to rabbits. +What was he in jail for? You sure worry that bone. He killed a fellow. +You sure worry that bone. He killed a fellow. In a fight? +In a fight? The other fellow wasn't even lookin'. +The other fellow wasn't even lookin'. This is an awful nice gun. Certainly come in handy when there's men around who shoot people that aren't lookin'. +You must be plenty worried about Lednov sneakin' up on us. Think he will? Yes. +Yes. At the ranch maybe? +At the ranch maybe? Maybe at the ranch. Maybe sooner than that. +Maybe at the ranch. Maybe sooner than that. Do you have to be so close-mouthed? I'm your brother. And I'm ridin' with you. Remember? +Do you have to be so close-mouthed? I'm your brother. And I'm ridin' with you. Remember? All right. I'll tell you. +That's Lednov! We come along here. And meet him there. +And meet him there. Unless the sheriff gets too close and he holes up. +Sure a lot of guys lookin' for Lednov. Yeah -- and Lednov's only lookin' for one man. Me. +Yeah -- and Lednov's only lookin' for one man. Me. Why? +Why? He doesn't like me. What you eatin'? +He doesn't like me. What you eatin'? Lednov. +They sure must have been travelin'. This keeps up we can start a store. Things get tough next winter, you'll have somethin' to wear. +I've got eleven horses. Morgan blood. The beat in Nevada. Clay and me have a place on the Toulomne River. We're going to raise horses like these. +Where'd they go? Swimming. +There was only three of them at first. I guess I lost my head. How'd you happen to miss? +How'd you happen to miss? They were quite a ways off and the wind was blowin'. I didn't have them to aim. +They were quite a ways off and the wind was blowin'. I didn't have them to aim. Good thing you didn't. +A man can't help gettin' excited once in a while. That's right, Steve. +That's right, Steve. Can I have my gun back? +Can I have my gun back? Sure. You'll find it under the wagon seat. Like I said before, a twenty- two's more your size. +It's all right with me if she teaches you, but I don't want you forgettin' your job. I won't again. +Okeh, I was wrong. But you can't expect a fellow who never saw Lednov and never heard his name until a while ago to do too much worryin'. You've been sorta close mouthed about him. I guess I have. You were pretty little when they locked him up. I don't suppose you even remember that time I was gone two months. +I guess I have. You were pretty little when they locked him up. I don't suppose you even remember that time I was gone two months. Sure I remember. You went to Mexico lookin' for cattle. +Sure I remember. You went to Mexico lookin' for cattle. You remember Jeff Rawson? -- We used to go fishing and hunting with him when you were so high. +You remember Jeff Rawson? -- We used to go fishing and hunting with him when you were so high. Sure I do. Went off down to Mexico or something... +Sure I do. Went off down to Mexico or something... That's what I told you then. Only he didn't. Lednov killed him. +That's what I told you then. Only he didn't. Lednov killed him. Oh... that's the time you went away. +Oh... that's the time you went away. I caught up with Lednov in Nogales. He didn't like the idea of comin' back across the border but he came. I turned him over to the sheriff and -- that's the story. +I caught up with Lednov in Nogales. He didn't like the idea of comin' back across the border but he came. I turned him over to the sheriff and -- that's the story. Maybe you shoulda killed him. +Maybe you shoulda killed him. Maybe I should. But I was never much on killin'. Anyway, he moved too quick and I just got him through the shoulder. Looks pretty peaceful up ahead. +Maybe I should. But I was never much on killin'. Anyway, he moved too quick and I just got him through the shoulder. Looks pretty peaceful up ahead. Yeah, it does. +Yeah, it does. But you never can tell. Why don't you get that new rifle out of the wagon? +Leaving them here when we could just as well take them. We got plenty of room in the wagon. And -- and -- they cook and drive the mules. They don't bother anybody. Finished, son? +Finished, son? There's only two of them now. +Don't go arguing with your teacher. I'm not, but there's some of it I don't see any sense to. +I'm not, but there's some of it I don't see any sense to. There's a lot of things I don't see any sense to. But make up your mind. Learn to read or -- -- go back and watch the horses. +Want the wagon unloaded, Clay? Just the grub box and bed rolls. +I didn't stop to think, Clay. You better start. +All right, I hurt your feelings. But you know better than to go lightin' fires. That ain't why. I just figure it's about time to start runnin' my own life. +Come on. We got a couple hours to eat and get some sleep. I'll eat when I'm good and ready. +I'll eat when I'm good and ready. Kind of feeling your oats this morning. I haven't laid a hand on you for quite a while, but that doesn't mean you're too old. +Kind of feeling your oats this morning. I haven't laid a hand on you for quite a while, but that doesn't mean you're too old. What makes you think you're so almighty? Telling people what to do and how to act when you don't even know how yourself. +Go on, hit me. Sit down and eat. Till I say the word, you're doing what you're told. +Sit down and eat. Till I say the word, you're doing what you're told. You oughta say you're sorry -- that's what you oughta do. +You oughta say you're sorry -- that's what you oughta do. You keep your nose out of my life, young fella. +You keep your nose out of my life, young fella. Maybe I haven't lived as long as you have, but I know a sight more about people and I wouldn't talk to a mule like you talked to her and, if I did, I'd say how sorry I was. I'd be man enough to do that. +I said keep your nose out of my life. No kid is going to tell me how to run it. You think you're so slmighty -- smart -- Who are you to sit up there and say nobody's good enough for you, like you said yesterday -- just because a man kisses a woman -- +You know what she asked me? I don't care what she asked you. +I don't care what she asked you. She told me not to fight with you anymore. She said it wasn't your fault, but -- I figure different... +It is so your fault and... and I guess maybe when we hit the ranch... you andme better... You want to split up? -- +Half of them are mine. You'll get your share. Go on. I don't want you around. +What did you come back for? Like I told you, half those horses are mine. I'm makin' sure they get to the ranch safe. So let's quit arguing and do whatever you figure on doin'. +Is that the only reason you came back? Sure. What other reason would there be? +Sure. What other reason would there be? I just wondered. Let's go. +How's that? Kind of sore. +Kind of sore. You'll live. +You'll live. Guess maybe I'm old enough to hold my own in a fight, huh? +Guess maybe I'm old enough to hold my own in a fight, huh? Yeah -- but don't make a habit of it. +Yeah -- but don't make a habit of it. So -- maybe I'm old enough to tell you how to run your life? +So -- maybe I'm old enough to tell you how to run your life? I guess so -- but don't make a habit of it. +I guess so -- but don't make a habit of it. Well, then, I know it takes three -- four weeks for you to come round to admit when you're wrong... But by that time she's liable to be in China... +You can light the lamp. I'm sure glad it's you. We were afraid those killers might come back. Three men on matched roans? +Yeah, how did you know? The whole state's lookin' for 'em. And they're lookin' for me. +I'm sorry about this, Mr. Wyatt. I didn't know who she was. All right, you didn't know. +All right, you didn't know. I can't take her with me. +I can't take her with me. Nobody asked you to. +You're not bein' quite fair. What's there to be fair about? +I'm sorry about this, Mr. Wyatt. I didn't know you had a daughter. All right, you didn't know. +All right, you didn't know. I can't take her with me. +I can't take her with me. Nobody asked you to. +You're not bein' quite fair. What's there to be fair about? +You can't stay here. There's snakes and it's cold and you'll just get sicker. I don't care. +I don't care. Suppose that Lednov was to have found you, instead of me. Why you wouldn't have had a chance. +Suppose that Lednov was to have found you, instead of me. Why you wouldn't have had a chance. I said I didn't care. +I said I didn't care. What's botherin' you, anyway? +Runnin' off and worryin' people. Makin' it tougher on Clay than it is already. Don't ask me because I won't tell you! I won't tell anybody! Go away! +Don't ask me because I won't tell you! I won't tell anybody! Go away! Don't act so -- crazy. +Don't act so -- crazy. I'm sorry. Let's go. +I'm sorry. Let's go. That's a good girl. +Helen -- why don't you and Mary go on with Clay? He won't take us. Don't you want us around? +He won't take us. Don't you want us around? Of course I do -- but it'd be better for you -- and the house is kind of small -- +Of course I do -- but it'd be better for you -- and the house is kind of small -- If you're worried about Mary and me talkin' too much, don't. No matter how many questions your old man asks. We know how to keep our mouths shut. +If you're worried about Mary and me talkin' too much, don't. No matter how many questions your old man asks. We know how to keep our mouths shut. It isn't that -- +It isn't that -- Don't talk -- eat -- we want to get you well quick as we can so we can all get out of here. +Don't talk -- eat -- we want to get you well quick as we can so we can all get out of here. But I want to stay. +But I want to stay. Drink this and stop being silly. Why would anyone want to live in this place. You might as well be dead and buried. Nothing to do but look at mountains. In a week you'd be talking to yourself. Maybe that's what got you started in the first place. +I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here where I belong. Not if I know Mary. When she rides into Sonora, you'll be with her. And mighty glad to be there after this. I don't see how you stood it as long as you did. +Not if I know Mary. When she rides into Sonora, you'll be with her. And mighty glad to be there after this. I don't see how you stood it as long as you did. Stop it -- stop it. +Stop it -- stop it. Darling -- now I've got you all upset. +Go away -- please. That's right -- you go back to sleep. Tomorrow when you feel better things will look a whole lot different. Don't you worry about anything -- Mary's going to talk things over with your folks -- +She mustn't -- don't you let her -- There, there. Don't you upset yourself -- +There, there. Don't you upset yourself -- If she says anything to them I'll kill her. +You got no business snoopin' around -- Me snoopin'? I came down here to take a bath. +That something I shouldn't see? No. But it's mine and I didn't want anyone foolin' with it. +What is it? Just a thing I was workin' on. +Just a thing I was workin' on. The way you act, it must be something pretty secret. +Go on. Take your bath. I'll beat it. You wouldn't have a smoke on you, would you? +That sure smells good. I like it. +I like it. Up here in the hills, a man gets a hankering to smell powder. +Up here in the hills, a man gets a hankering to smell powder. Then why stay in the hills. +You're sure there's more where this came from? Plenty more. And somewhere up there's the lode, the rock rotten with it. +I figure we'll get along just fine. Well cheer, why don't you? No more responsibilities, Mary. Marcia -- Elaine -- me -- all taken care of. Down there feeding horses and raising kids, you won't have a thing to worry about. +I saw your fire and dropped by to say hello. Well, say it. +What's the matter -- restless? Yes, people make me restless. +Yes, people make me restless. Even women? +Even women? There aren't any women here. +There aren't any women here. I suppose that's your wagon in the river. +I suppose that's your wagon in the river. Some people who went by this way lost it. Two men and some women. They packed their stuff on horses and went on. +Some people who went by this way lost it. Two men and some women. They packed their stuff on horses and went on. And you're all alone. +And you're all alone. Yeah. +Suppose I take a look. Go ahead. +When I ask questions, I like to hear answers. They went on like I told you. +Until you came along we were going to Sonora. What do you know about that. Did you sell your place? +What do you know about that. Did you sell your place? Not exactly. They decided gambling and dancing were bad for people. Can I make it? +Not exactly. They decided gambling and dancing were bad for people. Can I make it? Depends on how good you drive. +There you are. Now take it easy and you'll be all right. Thank you, Mr. Graham. +Aspen doesn't want us Mr. Graham. They threw us out. They shouldn't have done that. +They shouldn't have done that. We tried to point that out. But there were some pretty nosey citizens who wouldn't listen to reason. They said Aspen had outgrown us. It's all right to play poker in your own home but not in a saloon. +We tried to point that out. But there were some pretty nosey citizens who wouldn't listen to reason. They said Aspen had outgrown us. It's all right to play poker in your own home but not in a saloon. I knew something would happen when they started puttin' up fences and passin' laws. +Goodbye and thanks. I don't like to see you go. +Maybe you're going about this all wrong. Why not try telling him we'll do the cookin' and mendin' and washin' for him. That usually works. Yeah, but suppose he took us up on it. Where would we be? Maybe in Sonora. +You think that's all we busted -- You should see... Now where's she goin'? -- +With a milk pail in one hand and a marriage license in the other. Why didn't you say you wanted to get married back in Aspen. I told the man in Sonora there were four of us. If only three show up, he might call the whole deal off. We've got to stick together. Like we've always done. +It isn't like this was the first place we were ever thrown out of. That's not what's worryin' me. Why didn't she tell us? Maybe we could have done somethin' -- gone somewhere else -- puttin' a poor sick kid through this -- +That's not what's worryin' me. Why didn't she tell us? Maybe we could have done somethin' -- gone somewhere else -- puttin' a poor sick kid through this -- Quit worryin' about Elaine. +I tried my best, but these things take time. And we're running out of that. +And we're running out of that. There's still tomorrow morning. +How long do you think we'll have to stay here? Until Pa gets around to driving us to Minden. +Until Pa gets around to driving us to Minden. We don't want to go there. +We don't want to go there. No we don't. But that's where we're going. From Minden we take a stage to Reno, then another one over to Auburn and another one to Placerville. Then it's a day's trip to Sonora. +No we don't. But that's where we're going. From Minden we take a stage to Reno, then another one over to Auburn and another one to Placerville. Then it's a day's trip to Sonora. Clay could save us an awful lot of time. +Clay could save us an awful lot of time. He certainly could. About a month. +He certainly could. About a month. What are you waiting for? Do something. +You're not giving up? How many ways can a man say no. +Maybe I better start working on him. You'd think he'd do it for Elaine's sake, at least... +Go on. Have another try at him. What's the use. +What's the use. Please. Maybe he'll take a good look at you and stop thinking so much about his horses. +We might as well start a fire. Go ahead. Get in training for the pioneer life. I'm finding the nearest body of water and climbing into it. +Give it back to him. We're leavin'. Maybe you are. I'm not. +-- Gaslights and a dance floor and a big bar. Cash registers with bells and a couple of boys with armbands just to keep 'em ringing. What do you think of that? Sounds fine. Only that isn't how it's going to be. +I'm sure of this. But not of you. You won't open any joint. I've been watching you change. You're mad now and you think you can change back. But you can't. You'll end up making beds in a boarding house. That's it then. +Mary, Honey. I talked too much, like always -- he thinks you told Elaine the things I told her. I don't care what he thinks. +How do you know who we are? Everybody knows -- +Everybody knows -- Who brought you here? +You said somebody was comin' back -- who's comin' back? Stop it -- +Clay Phillips. Where is he? +Where is he? Up the trail. +How far up the trail? I don't know -- I don't know. +We got to get movin'. What for? +What for? Because there's a man I want to see. +Because there's a man I want to see. He can wait. Let's stay here until morning. +I said let's go. One night more won't matter. Your friend'll be there. Anyway I don't think so much of the idea of prowling around his ranch. He knows you're out so he ain't going to sit still for it. +One night more won't matter. Your friend'll be there. Anyway I don't think so much of the idea of prowling around his ranch. He knows you're out so he ain't going to sit still for it. I said I had a guy to see and I'm going to see him. +We got company. Female company. Yeah, we sure have. +Why, yes. They're all I need... Mine's gone lame. Take a look at him. +He dropped a shoe. You shouldn't be ridin' him. Put on another one. +Put on another one. That won't help the stone bruise. You ain't been around horses much, looks like. +That won't help the stone bruise. You ain't been around horses much, looks like. Will you quit gabbin' and do what you're told. +What are you doin' -- Lookin' around. +Pleased to meet you, ma'am. We found your trunk. Were you doin' the driven'? I was at first. Then I was hanging on. Are you going far? +Is that your kind of reading, Steve? I can't read, Ma'am. I just look at the pictures. +Your brother's always looked after you, hasn't he? Since I can remember, Ma'am. +Since I can remember, Ma'am. But he just never troubled to have you get any schooling? +It wasn't Clay's fault. We've been moving around most all the time -- mebbe when we get the ranch and stay in one place I can learn my letters then -- Don't you even know your letters? +Would you like to learn them? I sure would. +I sure would. Maybe I could start you out. +Maybe I could start you out. That'd be swell. You know, you're an awful lot different than I thought you'd be. +You're so nice. Did someone say I wasn't nice? +Did someone say I wasn't nice? Oh no. Nobody said nothing to me. Only I got the idea that -- well Clay and me used to be walking through town and there was your place and through the window I could see you dancing, but Clay always took me over to the other side of the street. +Good night, Miss Wells. Good night, Steve. +Gee, I can't. Why not? You went farther than that last time. +Why not? You went farther than that last time. I'm too old for it, Miss Wells... That's for little kids. +I'm too old for it, Miss Wells... That's for little kids. Don't be silly... Nobody's too old to learn. +Don't be silly... Nobody's too old to learn. Okay. A-B-C -- D-E-F -- G-H-I -- +Aren't we stayin'? No. We're not stayin' -- +What comes after Z? That's the end of the line. +That's the end of the line. Then I know my alphabet. +Then I know my alphabet. From A to Z. All you have to do now is figure out what they mean put together in words. +And that's tough, isn't it? Without someone to teach you, it's tough. +-- and even if I do learn to read, what use'll it be? I'm goin' to live on a ranch! There's plenty of use for reading -- you'll see. +U-n-i-c-o-r-n-... What in heck's that? Unicorn -- a kind of animal -- +Unicorn -- a kind of animal -- What do they look like? +What do they look like? Hmmm... sort of like a horse -- with a horn in the center of its forehead. +Hmmm... sort of like a horse -- with a horn in the center of its forehead. Horses with horns! Huh! Do we have 'em in Nevada? +Horses with horns! Huh! Do we have 'em in Nevada? No. +No. How about California? +How about California? Would they be good to eat? +Would they be good to eat? Kind of tough, I guess... But you're not liable to hunt them -- I don't think there's any alive now, anyways -- and I'm not sure but I don't think there ever were... +Kind of tough, I guess... But you're not liable to hunt them -- I don't think there's any alive now, anyways -- and I'm not sure but I don't think there ever were... Then if they wasn't alive, how can they be an animal?... +An' if you can't hunt 'em and even if you could they'd be tough, what's the use of knowin' how to spell them? You don't read to fill your stomach... Poetry, for instance. All the poems in the world wouldn't fill you half as much as a bowl of eatmeal -- but they make you feel good. +You don't read to fill your stomach... Poetry, for instance. All the poems in the world wouldn't fill you half as much as a bowl of eatmeal -- but they make you feel good. I feel good anyways. +Well, Steve? Now I know what a unicorn is, what do we do next? +Nobody's gonna catch him sleeping. Don't worry about him. Oh, I wasn't worrying. I saw him saddling up and thought he was ready to leave. +Sometimes not knowin' how to read has its points. You can't read books so you look at people and figure 'em out. And you've got me all figured out? +And you've got me all figured out? Sure. +Like when you were standin' there looking after Clay. I knew right off what you were thinking. Because I've been watching you. You were supposed to be reading words. +You were supposed to be reading words. I was doin' both. Here. +Don't pay any attention to him. That's his way and I've found he's sure easy to get along with. I don't recollect him havin' hit me more'n a couple of times and I guess I had it comin'. But you're his brother. +But you're his brother. He'll treat his wife just as good. Maybe better. Ever see him use a bull snake on the mules like other wranglers? +She was only teasin'. Oh, sure. +Oh, sure. Let me do that. +For the last ten miles I've been trying to figure out how to sleep sitting up. I'm getting to the point where I don't think there's any place named Sonora. It's a long ways yet. I figure we ought to camp. She's tired. +You stretch out. I'll fix something to eat. Thanks, Steve. +You don't know what it is to be sorry. Steve -- +Goodnight. Goodnight, Miss Wells. +Goodnight, Miss Wells. If you need me, I'll be -- +Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. I just broke up with my boyfriend, that's all. +Yeah, I'm fine. I just broke up with my boyfriend, that's all. That's always tough. How long were you together? +That's always tough. How long were you together? Well, we never made it official, so I guess we were technically never really boyfriend and girlfriend, but I was seeing him in school. I saw him at the mall about six months ago and I was too nervous to introduce myself so I followed him to his car, and jotted down the license plate number. It was registered to his mother, so I went to her house. She was so nice. I mean, she seemed like she would be nice 'cuz I never really spoke to her. I just waited til she went to work then I climbed in through her window and borrowed her phone book. I say borrowed because I'm going to give it back one day. But anyway, I called everyone in it til I found her son. He wasn't home when I called so I left this message how much in love I was with him. I was, and how I wanted to have his children. Just really opening up, and he never called back. I'd call and call, and anyway, six months and two restraining orders later I just decided I deserved better. What about you? Do you have a boyfriend? +Well, we never made it official, so I guess we were technically never really boyfriend and girlfriend, but I was seeing him in school. I saw him at the mall about six months ago and I was too nervous to introduce myself so I followed him to his car, and jotted down the license plate number. It was registered to his mother, so I went to her house. She was so nice. I mean, she seemed like she would be nice 'cuz I never really spoke to her. I just waited til she went to work then I climbed in through her window and borrowed her phone book. I say borrowed because I'm going to give it back one day. But anyway, I called everyone in it til I found her son. He wasn't home when I called so I left this message how much in love I was with him. I was, and how I wanted to have his children. Just really opening up, and he never called back. I'd call and call, and anyway, six months and two restraining orders later I just decided I deserved better. What about you? Do you have a boyfriend? No, I haven't dated in a while. My last boyfriend's... +Brenda was right. There's more to the story than the Professor told us. I found a secret room. It had all these news clippings about Hugh Kane. He was a very evil man. Ah, they just don't know you the way I do. +Ah, they just don't know you the way I do. I found a picture of his wife. +I found a picture of his wife. Wife?! +Oh, he was a widower. Why didn't you say that?... Don't worry, sweetie, I can whip up a new batch in a flash. I think he wants me. +I think he wants me. Ha! Right bitch! +No, I won't let you do it. Alex, what are you doing? +Alex, what are you doing? Shut up, you slut. You think you can take him from me? Well, over my dead body. +Hey, Brenda. Do I know you? +Do I know you? "Well, actually, we've never met officially, but I bumped into you at the cafeteria and you were so sweet. I said, ""I'm sorry,"" and you said, ""Watch it, white bitch, or I'll put my size eight in your ass."" I thought how cool. I wear a size eight, too. Anyway, this is my best friend, Cindy." +Me, too. 101? "In room ""302"" at ten o'clock?" +"In room ""302"" at ten o'clock?" That's it. +That's it. Oh, this is too much. I'm gonna have to play these numbers. Remind me to pick up a Lotto ticket. +And remember that trip we took to Africa? That safari was so wonderful. Me, you... best of friends... forever. Uh, Alex, we've only know each other one day. +Uh, Alex, we've only know each other one day. Oh... I guess I'll die now. +Oh... I guess I'll die now. Okay... maybe that would be best. +Oh, remember that time I got my training bra and you -- Never happened! +My favorite memory was when we -- Would you die already?! +We already know each other. Hey, Brenda. Hey, Cindy. Your friend needs help. +Hey, Cindy. Your friend needs help. Actually, I just met her. This is Alex. +Actually, I just met her. This is Alex. Oh my god. Madam Elsa, my psychic, told me I would meet somebody whose name starts with a letter of the alphabet today. +Oh my god. Madam Elsa, my psychic, told me I would meet somebody whose name starts with a letter of the alphabet today. Really? That's amazing. +Really? That's amazing. Hey girl, that jacket is slamming. +Hey girl, that jacket is slamming. Thanks. +Thanks. You better be careful. I heard some girl got her ass whooped and jacket stolen earlier today. Hey, what class do we have next? +You better be careful. I heard some girl got her ass whooped and jacket stolen earlier today. Hey, what class do we have next? Psychology. +Ouch!! Brenda, are you okay? Come sit. +Brenda, are you okay? Come sit. No, you don't understand. It's here in these statues... +Help! Now, why that bitch gotta bring that shit this way? I hope she didn't see me. +Oh my God! We're dead! It would've just been you, if you would've kept your mouth shut. +It's coming! What?! What is it, a monster?! +Hey, look, I'm Wilma Flintstone. Hey, I have an idea... +Oh my God, the ghost has Buddy! Brenda do something! Okay. +Cindy, what's going on? It's Hanson, he's evil. Let's get him! +This house was built in 1898 by a man named Archibald Keaton as a gift to his wife, Cora. Yes, I feel their spirits. Cora... Keaton... I am here to communicate... +Yes, I feel their spirits. Cora... Keaton... I am here to communicate... No, they sold the house in 1920 to a millionaire, Uriah Bloodworth. +No, they sold the house in 1920 to a millionaire, Uriah Bloodworth. Yes, of course, Uriah. I feel his evil presence. +Yes, of course, Uriah. I feel his evil presence. No, he lost the house after the stock market crash. +No, he lost the house after the stock market crash. But he could still be haunting the house. He's angry that he had to leave. +But he could still be haunting the house. He's angry that he had to leave. He's not dead, you idiot. He lives in Florida. Now, shut up and let me finish. +Hello Brenda. Hello Ray. +Shhh... It's okay. Ray, have you been here all this time? +Ray, have you been here all this time? I just wanted to make sure you were okay. +I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm fine. Just a few bruises. +I'm fine. Just a few bruises. So, I guess I can go now. +So, I guess I can go now. No, stay. +No, stay. You sure? +You sure? Yeah, I think I'll feel better sleeping in the arms of a strong man. +Yeah, I think I'll feel better sleeping in the arms of a strong man. Yeah, me too. +Are you okay? I thought I heard screaming. Oh, I'm fine... just clowning around. +He's right. I should go first. He's so brave. +Where's Shorty? I don't know. He was right behind us. Wait here. I'll be right back. +Ray, run faster. Okay. +Hey, you left your book back there. Thanks. I'm Cindy. +So, I see you're really into spooks. No. I never date outside my race. +No. I never date outside my race. I meant you're into ghosts. +I meant you're into ghosts. Oh, yeah. I'm just curious about that kind of stuff. +Oh, yeah. I'm just curious about that kind of stuff. So it looks like we're going to be spending the weekend together. +So it looks like we're going to be spending the weekend together. Yeah. +Yeah. Maybe we can study together or something. +Maybe we can study together or something. I'm sorry, Buddy. You seem really nice, but I'm just getting over a really bad relationship, and I'm not ready to start dating yet. +But, hey, maybe we can be friends. Sure, that would be cool. Friends. +Sure, that would be cool. Friends. Okay. See you later, friend. +Hi Buddy. Open chest!!! +You know, Buddy, about this friendship thing... Yeah, it's great, isn't it. I think it's so cool... have a girl as a friend. +Yeah, it's great, isn't it. I think it's so cool... have a girl as a friend. That's just it, Buddy. I'm a girl. You can't be so rough with me. +That's just it, Buddy. I'm a girl. You can't be so rough with me. Then what kinda stuff can we do? +Then what kinda stuff can we do? Gentle stuff like talking, sharing thoughts and ideas, secrets and past experiences. Stuff like that, you know. +Gentle stuff like talking, sharing thoughts and ideas, secrets and past experiences. Stuff like that, you know. It sounds gay, but guess since you're a girl it's okay, huh? +It sounds gay, but guess since you're a girl it's okay, huh? Yeah, it will be fine. I wanna check something out. Will you come with me? +Yeah, it will be fine. I wanna check something out. Will you come with me? Sure. We can practice talking. +Sure. We can practice talking. Okay. +Buddy... Wait, I'm just about to tell you the best part. +Dude, somebody's on the rag. Shhh! +Whoa, check this out. She looks like you. Wow, she's beautiful. You really think she looks like me? +Wow, she's beautiful. You really think she looks like me? Her hair doesn't have as many split ends at yours. Her skin isn't as oily as yours, either. Also, sometimes your eyes get kinda squinty and they look like you might have Down's Syndrome or something. Otherwise the resemblance is uncanny. +Oh yeah... another difference is she looks more sophisticated and classy. More feminine. And her tits are perfect. Not pointy and funny looking, or spaced too far apart... Alright! +Where the hell are we? It looks like the furnace. +It looks like the furnace. Let's get outta here. +Let's get outta here. Wait, I want to check something. Give me a hand. +Well, if that's Hanson, then who's the guy with the hand? Hugh Kane. +Yeah, I think I'm bleeding. Come on. There's a first aid kit in the lab. +Cindy, I've been thinking about this whole friend thing. I never had a friend that cares for me the way you do... I mean, there's Ray, but he cares for me in a different way. You know, bringing me flowers. Running my bath water. And then there's nights I wake up screaming and I look over and Ray's in my bed. Holding me. And seeing that tonight might be our last night together, I was thinking... That we should take our friendship a little further? +That we should take our friendship a little further? Yes... +Yes... Oh, Buddy, I was thinking the same thing. It might be our last night in this house. And I think we should take full advantage of it. +Oh, Buddy, I was thinking the same thing. It might be our last night in this house. And I think we should take full advantage of it. I was thinking the same thing. +We should act out our inner most fantasies. Great!!! +Great!!! Like, I've always wanted to walk on the moon. +Like, I've always wanted to walk on the moon. Huh? +What about you, Buddy? Well, I was hoping to get my balls licked. +He's here. Shit! +What are we gonna do? I'm cold. I can't move, I'm so cold. Can you feel that? +Can you feel that? No. Try a little higher. +Feel that? No. Keep rubbing. +Better try a little higher. Now, come on -- you know I'm not ready for that kind of -- +Now, come on -- you know I'm not ready for that kind of -- Cindy, please! It's a matter of life and death. I'm asking you a friend. +Cindy, please! It's a matter of life and death. I'm asking you a friend. Well... okay... but only as a friend. +Cindy, let me... No, Buddy, I'm the one he wants. +No, Buddy, I'm the one he wants. Actually, I was going to say let me have your computer if you die. +There's something I really want to share with you. There's something I want to share with you too. Here, smell this. +Cindy, about this whole friendship thing... Yeah, I know, I just love having a guy for a friend. +Yeah, I know, I just love having a guy for a friend. I know, but I've been thinking -- +I know, but I've been thinking -- I know, but I've been thinking -- +I know, but I've been thinking -- Listen to me I -- +Listen to me I -- Listen to me I -- +Listen to me I -- Look, what I'm trying to say -- +Look, what I'm trying to say -- Look, what I'm trying to say -- +Stop it! I'm just trying to say I think we should take our friendship to the next level. Oh. +Oh. I don't want to be your friend like this anymore. +I don't want to be your friend like this anymore. Then what are we going to do? +Then what are we going to do? You know, walking on the beach, holding hands, kissing, making love... +You know, walking on the beach, holding hands, kissing, making love... That sounds kinda gay, but since you're a guy, I guess it's okay. +That sounds kinda gay, but since you're a guy, I guess it's okay. Let's get a hot dog. +Hey, look out, a bee! Oh, Buddy, I've never had someone be so protective of me! +Oh, Buddy, I've never had someone be so protective of me! That's what your man is supposed to do. +Hey, wanna' share a soda? Oh, Buddy, that's so romantic. +Oh, Buddy, that's so romantic. Yeah. Can I borrow five bucks? +What should we get? I don't care. You pick. +I don't care. You pick. Hot dogs. +Are you okay? I think so. +I think so. Come on. We better get you cleaned up. +No, I just heard the commotion, and when I got there I guess it was gone. What, you think I did this to myself? +Good-night, Cin. I'll be next door if you need me. Thanks, I'll be fine. +Okay, I get the point. So, whatever happened to her? +So, whatever happened to her? She killed herself a week before he died. +Let her go, Cin. But he'll kill her! +But he'll kill her! That means more screen time for us. +I'm sorry, I should have been watching where I... It's okay. +It's okay. Oh, my God, Ray! What are you doing here? +Oh, my God, Ray! What are you doing here? It's the sequel. +It's the sequel. Oh, right. +Oh, right. Listen, no need for you to worry. All that stuff that happened before is behind us. Let's just try to move on. +Listen, no need for you to worry. All that stuff that happened before is behind us. Let's just try to move on. I am. So just do me a favor and stay away from me. +How about these buns? Yeah, they're so warm and soft. +Come in somebody. Can you hear me? This is Ray. What's up? Where are you? +This is Ray. What's up? Where are you? The ghost is close. He almost got us. Buddy is hurt. +The ghost is close. He almost got us. Buddy is hurt. What's your location? I repeat, what's your location? +What's your location? I repeat, what's your location? Right behind you. +Where's Shorty? I don't know. He was right behind me a minute ago. +Ray, you saved my life. Are you okay? Yeah, I broke my fall. +Oh my God! I'm here with the... Yes, Professor Oldman's group. Forgive me. I didn't mean to frighten you. +I'm Cindy. I'm Hanson the caretaker. +Ummm!! They smell delicious. Thanks. I made them by hand. +Morphine? chloroform? Horse tranquilizers? You've drugged him! No, actually, I found him like this. That's his stuff. +Hanson, please. Don't worry Cindy, the brain itself feels no pain. +Stop touching his brain! Um, I'm not touching anything. +"Tell me, Cindy. Would you ever tell me ""Stop. If you loved me you'd stop.""" Not in a thousand years. +Stop! -- Made you say it! +It was you... Yes, it was me all along. I killed Hugh Kane and his mistress. +Yes, it was me all along. I killed Hugh Kane and his mistress. Both of them? +Both of them? Didn't I just say that? Fucking listen. Anyway, I did it all for Carolyn. He never appreciated her, but I worshipped that woman and still she rejected me. So, I came back for you. Just like I did for Carolyn. +Didn't I just say that? Fucking listen. Anyway, I did it all for Carolyn. He never appreciated her, but I worshipped that woman and still she rejected me. So, I came back for you. Just like I did for Carolyn. This can't be happening? +This can't be happening? Now you'll be mine, Cindy. +Noooo!!! Yes!!!! +Would you like me to help you pass them back? I don't need your help. +What the hell are you doing? Just wait, you'll see. +He won't let us go. He's going to kill us. Quick, everyone to the lab. +What are we gonna do? We have to destroy him. +Someone is going to have to lure him onto the platform. I'll go. +Cool, but remember, as soon as he gets on the platform you gotta get out of there. Nobody wants to go. Alright, let's take a vote... +Father! My child, you're alive! +My child, you're alive! Yes, we made it! +Yes, we made it! We? What do you mean... we? +We? What do you mean... we? Me and my friends... You see there was this ghost. He came out of nowhere and.... +Me and my friends... You see there was this ghost. He came out of nowhere and.... My child you are the only survivor. +My child you are the only survivor. No, my friends are right here! +I'm sorry. Father, I don't understand. Tell me what happened? +Father, I don't understand. Tell me what happened? Soon, but first I must bless this house. +So, do you think you made it into the class? I don't know, but I sure hope so. +I don't know, but I sure hope so. You could use the grade, huh? +You could use the grade, huh? Nah, I need a place to stay. So how do you like being in college? +Nah, I need a place to stay. So how do you like being in college? Okay, I guess. It's so intimidating. You know being away from home, not knowing anyone. I feel like such a geek sometimes. Everyone's so cool and I'm so not. +Okay, I guess. It's so intimidating. You know being away from home, not knowing anyone. I feel like such a geek sometimes. Everyone's so cool and I'm so not. Aww, you ain't that bad. You just need a little flava. First thing we gotta do is get you some new gear. +Aww, you ain't that bad. You just need a little flava. First thing we gotta do is get you some new gear. Huh? +Huh? Gear. You know, clothing. +Gear. You know, clothing. Oh. +Oh. Let's start with some rhythm. Sway back and forth like this. +Left, right, left, right, crossover kick... Now you gotta learn the correct slang. +Yo! That jacket is tight. Yeah, now go uhn, uhn, uhn! +Yeah, now go uhn, uhn, uhn! Uhn! Uhn! Uhn! +Uhn! Uhn! Uhn! Yeah, you feel that? Now put it all together. +Am I cool now? Almost... Look, I gotta bounce. I'll holla at you later. +Aww, the little bird died. Yeah, I didn't know what else to do. +Yeah, I didn't know what else to do. Hey, I got an idea. +That was a great idea, Shorty. I told you it would taste just like chicken. +Did you do that? Uh, uh. +Uh, uh. You better go get Dwight and the Professor. +She'd have to be really pretty and I'd have to be very drunk. I'm going to work in Washington, Cindy. +I'm going to work in Washington, Cindy. Are you? +Are you? That's where my best customers are. Marion Berry, George Bush, the Redskins. I'd like to offer you a job, Cindy. Can you type? Take dictation? Swallow balloons filled with cocaine? +Hey, y'all! What's going on? Shorty! You're alive!! But... what about your head? +Shorty! You're alive!! But... what about your head? That turned out to be a good thing! It's gonna make smuggling a whole lot easier. Remember that weed? I'm about to get paid. +Professor, is this the same house that a young girl was possessed by a demon or something? Yes, it was reported, but never substantiated. +Professor, what's the history of this house? I'm glad you asked. It actually makes for a pretty good bedtime story. +Alright, Cindy, what's so important? Professor, you guys gotta see this. Dwight, come here. +Yippie! Wasn't that amazing? It's some kind of energy field. We better record this. +It's some kind of energy field. We better record this. Got my camera right here. +I got it! That's fantastic. Our first phenomenon. This is going to be a great weekend. You guys better get some sleep. Dwight and I will take over from here. +I'm telling you, it was possessed. Theo, did you see the animal? +No, I'm just saying cats are known to be very territorial animals, and it is likely it did attack, but it doesn't mean it was possessed. Maybe the two of you should sleep together. What are you getting at, Professor? +What are you getting at, Professor? Only that if this cat did attack, he's less likely to come back if the two of you were, let's say, together. Come on, it's college. Time for you two to experiment. +Good idea, and don't forget to give her a good-night kiss. There's something going on in this house. I'm not crazy. +Got a problem with that? Yeah, bitch, give me my apple. What's gotten into you? +I take it you're not mad at me. I wouldn't go that far. +I don't like this, this... Why don't you shut up, Professor? Just relax. +I think she's starting to suspect something? Who? +Oh, my God. It happened right here. She came home. She saw them. Saw who?! +Saw who?! Don't touch me!! +I finished all the interviews. Let me see the files. +Let me see the files. They're on top of the bookshelf. I'll get them. +Let me help you. I don't need your help. I'm perfectly capable. +Here you go, Professor. Are these all the subjects? +Yes. The scored all over the Kiersey Temperament Sorter just like you asked for. Any of them hot? +I also took the liberty of putting those with near-death experiences on top. Good thinking, Dwight. Traumatized co-eds are a sure thing. +Good thinking, Dwight. Traumatized co-eds are a sure thing. As I am sure you are aware, Professor, subjects who are close to death are statistically more likely to have the suggestibility required for paranormal investigation, which is, of course, why I've given them special consideration. +As I am sure you are aware, Professor, subjects who are close to death are statistically more likely to have the suggestibility required for paranormal investigation, which is, of course, why I've given them special consideration. Look, whatever you say, kid, but the more they're hurtin', the more they need a squirtin', if you know what I mean. Ooh, I like her. +Look, whatever you say, kid, but the more they're hurtin', the more they need a squirtin', if you know what I mean. Ooh, I like her. Cindy Campbell. Classic abandoned personality disorder. She seems guarded, but willing to do this. +Cindy Campbell. Classic abandoned personality disorder. She seems guarded, but willing to do this. Willing? I like that. And, this one? +Willing? I like that. And, this one? That's Ray Williams. I couldn't quite figure him out, but he seemed very eager and excited when we met. +That's Ray Williams. I couldn't quite figure him out, but he seemed very eager and excited when we met. What's this? +Car accident, gun shot, multiple stabbings, a hook through the back... Where did you find these kids? They are the survivors of the Steveston County massacre. +They are the survivors of the Steveston County massacre. Fantastic. These kids are exactly the kind of catalyst needed to awaken Hell House. +Fantastic. These kids are exactly the kind of catalyst needed to awaken Hell House. How are we going to get them all up there? +How are we going to get them all up there? I'll make it part of the class. We'll tell them they're participating in a study on sleep disorders. +I'll make it part of the class. We'll tell them they're participating in a study on sleep disorders. And what happens when all hell breaks loose? +And what happens when all hell breaks loose? We record and document it. We're gonna make history, Dwight. The first documented, unrefuted evidence of life after death. The book sales alone will be worth millions. I'll be rich, and you my friend, will have one hell of a thesis paper. Now, what time is orientation? +We record and document it. We're gonna make history, Dwight. The first documented, unrefuted evidence of life after death. The book sales alone will be worth millions. I'll be rich, and you my friend, will have one hell of a thesis paper. Now, what time is orientation? In about fifteen minutes. +In about fifteen minutes. Remember, Dwight, not a word to anyone. +I have taken care of everything, including medical supplies and blood storage. We want to be safe. Right. What about condoms? +Right. What about condoms? Professor! +Professor! Hey, you're the one who brought up safety. I'm perfectly willing to go in raw. +Hey, you're the one who brought up safety. I'm perfectly willing to go in raw. Would you please focus? +Would you please focus? Fine. What's all this stuff? +Fine. What's all this stuff? Well, this measures the amount of thermal imbalance within a room down to the tiniest molecular disturbances. +Are those cameras all throughout the house? Yes, I thought that it would be best. +Yes, I thought that it would be best. Even in the bathroom? +So, if one of our little chickadees is taking a shower which one of these buttons do I press to get a close- up? That one. +That one. After dinner, you and I will take shifts throughout the night. I don't want to chance miss anything. +I'm going to change for dinner. I'll see you shortly. Sounds good. I'm just going to run up to my room. Hop in the shower. Jump into my jogging suit, and I'll be right there. +Not to worry. There's been no reported activity in the house for over twenty years. Let's not forget, folks, this is a study on sleep disorders. +Let's not forget, folks, this is a study on sleep disorders. Ah, yes, which reminds me, who here thinks they'd wake up if somebody snuck into their room and started sniffing between their legs? +My God! Is she dead? No, they're just powder burns, thank God. They were empty. Get her upstairs. +Professor, I think you should see this. What is it? Some tits? A beaver shot? What? +What is it? Some tits? A beaver shot? What? No, these are the tapes from the living room. Check this out. +The image there. Are you sure it's not the tape? +Are you sure it's not the tape? I don't think so. It's on all the cameras, and check this out. The thermal readings inside the house dropped ten degrees when the image was recorded. +I don't think so. It's on all the cameras, and check this out. The thermal readings inside the house dropped ten degrees when the image was recorded. Congratulations, Dwight, it's begun. +What the hell?! It's not what is looks like. She's having a breakdown. Help me get her to her room. +Professor, we need to talk. What is it, Dwight? +What is it, Dwight? I think we should consider cutting the experiment short. +I think we should consider cutting the experiment short. What? +What? The force in this house is far greater than I anticipated. In one night I recorded cold spots, shifting magnetic fields, the E.U.P. is picking up white sounds everywhere. +The force in this house is far greater than I anticipated. In one night I recorded cold spots, shifting magnetic fields, the E.U.P. is picking up white sounds everywhere. That's why we came here, remember? +That's why we came here, remember? Yes, but I've seen the tapes. This poltergeist is becoming increasingly more violent. We all could be in danger. I say we pull the plug. +Yes, but I've seen the tapes. This poltergeist is becoming increasingly more violent. We all could be in danger. I say we pull the plug. Whoa, Dwight, I say when we pull the plug. Get a hold of yourself. Dwight, we're on the verge of greatness and I'm about this close to getting laid. Now, the bus will be here on Monday. Until then no one leaves. +I can do it myself. Yeah, I can see that. Later I want you to teach me that trick, but right now we have a job to do. +Yeah, I can see that. Later I want you to teach me that trick, but right now we have a job to do. The keys. She took the keys. +Hello Dwight. Hi. +What are you working on? Just a little experiment. +Work, work, work. Is that all that you do? Well, there's a lot riding on this project. +The Professor might have everyone else fooled, but I know who the real brains of the operation is. You do. +You do. That's what turns me on about you, Dwight. You're so smart. +That's what turns me on about you, Dwight. You're so smart. And sexy. +And sexy. Of course. So sexy. +Ooh, you hair is so soft and silky. What do you use on it? Just a little Rogaine. +You know, Dwight, I hear you're the only one who has the key to the gate. That's right. +That's right. What if I wanted to borrow those keys? +What if I wanted to borrow those keys? Oh, I couldn't do that. +She's right. We should stick together. Alright. Come on, you guys. +Excuse me, sir, but the students have started to arrive. Dinner will be ready shortly. Thanks, handyman. +Thanks, handyman. I'm the caretaker, not the handyman. Nice skates. Be careful. You don't want to fall and break something. +Who's first? Anyone like a wing? Yours, or the turkeys? +Yours, or the turkeys? I supposed you'd like a leg. How about two? +I supposed you'd like a leg. How about two? That's it. I'm gonna put my food in your ass. I should warn you, I'm a black belt in karate. +It's the best seat in the house. I warmed it up for you. Second best. +You never could feel your legs. What do you know about it?!... Listen, the ghost is too powerful. The only chance we have is to use this machine. I need you to go get the others and meet us upstairs. +Alright... I might need your help. My help? +My help? A little bit... Give me your belt. +A little bit... Give me your belt. I'm not even wearing any drawers. Forget about a belt. +I'm not even wearing any drawers. Forget about a belt. Okay, give me my belt. +You're not wearing a belt. Alright, go to the belt store... +You mean to tell me we're dead! I guess so. +Uh... I'm Father McFeely Father, come in, please. +I'm so glad you're here. I came as fast as I could, but at my age the little soldier needs a lot more thumpin before it starts pumpin. If I tickle my ass before... +I came as fast as I could, but at my age the little soldier needs a lot more thumpin before it starts pumpin. If I tickle my ass before... It's okay. I understand. +It's okay. I understand. How is she? +How is she? She's gotten worse, Father. She won't eat, she won't talk. The child won't even let me touch her. +She's gotten worse, Father. She won't eat, she won't talk. The child won't even let me touch her. Yes... Sometimes you have to give them candy. +Father. Not unless you have a paternity test to prove it. +Would you like to see the girl? Soon. First, I must bless this house. +Father, are you okay? Yeah, but you might wanna light a match before you go in there. Did you bring my bag? +Yeah, but you might wanna light a match before you go in there. Did you bring my bag? Yes. +Yes. Then let us prepare. +Remember, don't ask her too many questions. Because she will lie? +Because she will lie? No, because her breath smells like a horse's ass. +Oh shit, you gonna take that? What? +What? What she said about your mother? +No thanks. My holy water. +Father, I think you should rest. No, I'm fine. +Sit down and join us, Cindy. Yeah, I always wanted to watch you eat. +Now you're being rude, Shorty. Washington is full of cornpone country pussy -- just ask Jesse Jackson. +Yo son, check this out. Dog, you look hot. +Sorry, y'all. My bad. Shorty, why don't you say grace? +Shorty, why don't you say grace? Me? Grace? Okay -- Dear God -- +This part removes the sense of humor. I am Tom Green, I am Tom Green. Daddy want some sausage, sausage. Daddy want some sausage... +I woke up naked, too. Hey, dude, you got a tattoo. +Hey, dude, you got a tattoo. What does it say? +What does it say? "It says, ""Ray.""" +"It says, ""Ray.""" Sweet. Hey, you got a tattoo, too. +Sweet. Hey, you got a tattoo, too. Get out?! What does it say? +Get out?! What does it say? """Fucked me.""" +"""Fucked me.""" Aww. Cool. Dude. +"""Ray!""" """Fucked me.""" +"""Fucked me.""" """Ray!""" +"""Ray!""" """Fucked me.""" +Yo' Tommy, what up, man? I'm totally freakin' dude. I keep having these nightmares, then I wake up screaming with these awful back spasms. I can't take it anymore, man. +I'm totally freakin' dude. I keep having these nightmares, then I wake up screaming with these awful back spasms. I can't take it anymore, man. Aww, man. You just need to chill out. Come on, there's this party tonight it's gonna be fun. Lot's of alcohol and honeys. +Aww, man. You just need to chill out. Come on, there's this party tonight it's gonna be fun. Lot's of alcohol and honeys. Alright, but I ain't drinking. and you're gonna have to look after me. +Alright, but I ain't drinking. and you're gonna have to look after me. Don't worry, I got your back. +BLOOD FEAST! "The ""Citizen Kane"" of gore movies." +Hi, Mom. Hi, Mrs. Sutphin. +Oh, boy! Mom, Mr. Stubbins is a nimrod! +Bye, Mrs, Sutphin. Bye, bird-brain. See ya, Scotty. +Did you hear? What happened? +What happened? This is so cool! It's just like a horror movie. +What a bitch! It's the influence of all those family films. Right, Mom? Hey, Mom??... +It's the influence of all those family films. Right, Mom? Hey, Mom??... Mrs. Sutphin? +Mrs. Sutphin? Mother? +Mother? 0h, shit! +0h, shit! You don't think... +You don't think... She wouldn't... +...Jenner... Jenson, Emy Lou Jenson. 3511 Clark Avenue! That's right up the street! Come on! Just in case! +I saw blood! And it's brown! Not red like in horror movies, but brown!! Is MOM... in there? +Is MOM... in there? No! It wasn't like gore movies at all! IT WAS REAL! +Bring her home... I guess. No more violence... No more violence... +I wouldn't give ya a nickel. Carl can't believe how much I make at swap meets. +Here we go again. He's really cute! +Hi! Jeeezzz! +I can't believe Mr. Stubbins is dead. You said you hated him. +You said you hated him. Well... he was an asshole... but he didn't deserve to die! +I'm not kidding. Carl stood me up this morning and then he was murdered at the flea market.... MURDERED?!! +MURDERED?!! Yes murdered! You said you hated your teacher yesterday and he was murdered too. I don't know... maybe Mom's nuts! +Yes murdered! You said you hated your teacher yesterday and he was murdered too. I don't know... maybe Mom's nuts! It's a cool idea, Misty! Let's make a gore movie about Mom! Better yet, a TV series! +How about Mrs. Ackerman? We both hate her! Should she be the next victim? No! Stop it! It's not funny. Mom might do it! Someone else might die. +DAD! YOU DON'T THINK SHE DID IT??! I DO! Mom's gone crazy! +Turn right on Timonioum Road. Hurry, Dad! If Mom's a psycho, Scotty will still be ok, won't he? +Just a little, please. Bad for the teeth. Always the dentist. +"You'd probably date him! He's cu-uuute! Hey, Dad, did you ever see ""Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer?""" I certainly did not. +Well, your mother's going to PTA today. We'll see what your teacher has to say. Aw, Mom! I hate Mr. Stubbins! +I'm Dr. Eugene Sutphin. What's the trouble, officer? Is there a killer loose? +Carl's a jerk! He certainly drives like a jerk. +No comment! """Serial Mom""? WOW!" +Sorry, ma'am. "Do you have the musical, ""Annie""?" +"Do you have the musical, ""Annie""?" "Sure do. Did you bring back ""Ghost Dad""?" +"Sure do. Did you bring back ""Ghost Dad""?" There you go. I love Bill Cosby pictures. +There you go. I love Bill Cosby pictures. Mrs. Jensen, I've told you. You have to rewind the tapes before returning them! +Mrs. Jensen, I've told you. You have to rewind the tapes before returning them! Why? +Why? Because it's the rules! +Because it's the rules! I don't feel like rewinding it! +You see the sign! It's a dollar fine for not rewinding and this time I'm gonna charge you! $2.99 plus one dollar is $3.99! Keep the change, you son of a psycho! +Cute is not enough, Misty. You know that. She sure can pick 'em! +Chip, honey? Thanks, Mom. +Oh God, really! This is the limit! Let me see! +You kids. Now Birdie, I want you to have a cookie and then run along home. But Mom, the video's not over. +But Mom, the video's not over. "No ""but mom"" for you, young man. Mr. Stubbins seems to think these silly movies are interfering with your studies." +Bye, Birdie. Chip, honey... I know it's hard being a teenager but I understand... I'm your mother and I love you. Oh Mom... +Oh Mom... Can we watch that scene again? You know, where he rips out her heart? PLEEEASE? +Ladies and gentlemen, the perfect meatloaf! Looks good, Mom! +I'm happy too and we want you to be happy. I'm so happy I could shit. +I'm so happy I could shit. CHIP! You know how much I hate the brown word! +CHIP!! God, Mom! What's the matter? +God, Mom! What's the matter? Time to get up, that's all. You'll be late for work. +Time to get up, that's all. You'll be late for work. You scared me. +Tell me the truth, Mom! It's ok with me, really! Are you a serial killer? Chip, the only cereal I know about is Rice Krispies. +In here, Mom... But, Chip... +Get in, Mom! I have to open. This is so silly. +Are you Chip Sutphin? Hold on... Yeah I am, but you'll have to speak to my agent... +Hold on... Yeah I am, but you'll have to speak to my agent... Your mom killed my brother! +That's cool... hey look, you're Carl's brother, right? That's right. +That's right. I'm sorry he's dead, but... have you signed off yet? +I'm sorry he's dead, but... have you signed off yet? You mean for TV or print? +You mean for TV or print? TV, man! Farrah Fawcett's interested in playing my mother! +TV, man! Farrah Fawcett's interested in playing my mother! Farrah Fawcett?! Who's gonna play my brother? Is Jason Priestly available? +Detectives, what is this about? I know this sounds weird, Mr. Sutphin, but the Department of Motor Vehicle's computer shows only one blue station wagon registered to a parent of any of Mr. Stubbins' pupils. +I know this sounds weird, Mr. Sutphin, but the Department of Motor Vehicle's computer shows only one blue station wagon registered to a parent of any of Mr. Stubbins' pupils. Surely you don't think Beverly was involved! +What is it, officers? My patient is waiting. Dr. Sutphin is your wife a big reader? +Dr. Sutphin is your wife a big reader? Bird books mostly... +We hope so, son. And no matter what your mother is, we'll love her anyway. Suspect's family is headed east on Calverton.... +He goes to college with me! Leave her alone, Chip. I think it's great she has a new beau, Beverly. +You've been working in that video shop too long. And all that gore better hadn't be interfering with your schoolwork. +Carl makes me happy and that threatens this family, doesn't it? Doesn't threaten me, honey. I'm happy. +I got somebody you could run over, Mother! Misty, that's a terrible thing to say! Detectives, it's time for you to leave. My wife knows nothing about this terrible... accident. +She's gonna kill Scotty! BOTH OF YOU! GET IN THE CAR! +Home Sweet Home! Everything's fine, kids! I can't believe I thought my own mother was a murderess! +Hi, Hank. MISTY SUTPHIN, GET IN THIS CAR!! +"Look at this! ""Hillside Strangler gets his college degree in prison!""" That's nice. +That's nice. Nice?! He should have been executed! +Sorry, son. This is a matter for adults. Officers, I've never said the P-word out loud, much less written it down! +Officers, I've never said the P-word out loud, much less written it down! No woman would! +No woman would! Look officers! Life doesn't have to be ugly. See the little birdie? Listen to his call. Peter Pan! Peter Pan! Peter Pan! +Chip, your ride is here. Hey, I'm late for work. Bye, honey. +Nothing like a home cooked meal, honey. Misty, I made your favorite sesame broccoli... +I can't stop thinking about that poor teacher. Goodnight, honey. Don't read late, we've got a big day with the birds tomorrow. I've identified every little birdie we're going to watch tomorrow on the Eastern Shore. +Goodnight, honey. Don't I get a kiss? +Don't I get a kiss? I just thought with all the sadness... you wouldn't want... +I just thought with all the sadness... you wouldn't want... We have to concentrate on life, Eugene. +We have to concentrate on life, Eugene. It's fine with me, Beverly. You want to, honey? You think the kids are asleep? +It's fine with me, Beverly. You want to, honey? You think the kids are asleep? We can be real quiet... +We can be real quiet... I love that you're my wife. +I love that you're my wife. You're not bad yourself, coo-coo bird... +You're not bad yourself, coo-coo bird... You bring me such peace... +You bring me such peace... Oohhhh, Eugene! +Oohhhh, Eugene! Shhhh.. +Shhhh.. Oooohhhh. +Oooohhhh. Don't wake the kids... +Don't wake the kids... Ooohhhh! +Oooohhh! Yeah! Yeah! You're hot tonight, honey... but be quiet! Shhhh! The kids! +Yeah! Oohhhh! Get it! Ooh, honey, I'm ready! Now! Now! +Ooh, honey, I'm ready! Now! Now! Oohhhhh! Yeah! Yeah! +There's Dede! He's my favorite chickadee! He's here every morning for breakfast. Well, honey, chickadees breed in Alaska, you know. No wonder Dede's hungry. It's a long trip all the way to Baltimore. +I'm sorry, honey. But the birds will still be there next week. It's Ok, Eugene. I understand... I'll go fix breakfast. +Let's say grace and pray that we have the strength to understand the terrible tragedies of the last few days. Amen to that. It's been a crazy day, hasn't it?! +Beverly! Not the Sterners! It's a shame. But they should brush their teeth, honey. +Beverly, I've been reading all about it... is it menopause? Oh, honey! +Det. Bradford, I'm sorry but we don't allow gum chewing in this house. Sorry, ma'am. We're investigating obscene phone calls and mail threats to a certain Mrs. Dottie Hinkle. +Sorry, ma'am. We're investigating obscene phone calls and mail threats to a certain Mrs. Dottie Hinkle. I know Dottie! +Contusions... fractures... rupture of numerous vital organs... What a mess. +Did you drive your car to the PTA meeting yesterday, Mrs. Sutphin? Yes, I did. +"""P"" as in..." ...People who don't mind their own business. +"Well, this magazine was found in your trash just last night... ...It's called ""Chicks with Dicks""." GODDAMN YOU! THAT'S TRESPASSING! +Mrs. Hinkle, did you ever receive obscene telephone calls? I certainly did. +I certainly did. Did you recognize the voice of the caller? +Did you recognize the voice of the caller? Not at first, but then I heard the same inflection in a voice at a social gathering and I put two and two together. +Not at first, but then I heard the same inflection in a voice at a social gathering and I put two and two together. Who's voice was it, Dottie? +Who's voice was it, Dottie? It was her! Beverly Sutphin! Sittin' right there! I'm lucky I'm not DEAD!! +Objection! Argumentative! NO I DON'T, YOU BITCH! +Hello. Is this the Cocksucker residence? +Is this the Cocksucker residence? Goddamn you! STOP CALLING HERE! +Goddamn you! STOP CALLING HERE! Isn't this 4215 Pussy Way? +Isn't this 4215 Pussy Way? You bitch! +You bitch! Let me check the zip - 212 Fuck you? +Let me check the zip - 212 Fuck you? The police are tracing your call right this minute. +The police are tracing your call right this minute. Well, Dottie, how come they're not here then, Fuck-Face? +Well, Dottie, how come they're not here then, Fuck-Face? FUCK YOU! +FUCK YOU TOO, YOU ROTTEN WHORE!! I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? Who is this? +Who is this? Mrs. Wilson from the telephone company. I understand you're having problems with obscene calls. +Mrs. Wilson from the telephone company. I understand you're having problems with obscene calls. Yes, I am... I'm sorry Mrs. Wilson... It's driving me crazy... I've changed my number twice already... Please help me! +What exactly does this sick individual say to you? I can't say it out loud. I don't use bad language. +I know it's hard but we need the exact words. "Alright, I'll try... ""Cocksucker"". That's what she calls me." +"Alright, I'll try... ""Cocksucker"". That's what she calls me." Listen to your dirty mouth, you fucking whore! +Listen to your dirty mouth, you fucking whore! GODDAMN YOU! +MOTHERFUCKER!! COCKSUCKER! +Just a half-a-cup. Hello, Dottie. I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles... It's not fair!! +It's not fair!! Are those pussy-willows? +What did you just say? PUSSY-willows, Dottie! +Dottie! Watch what you're doing! I didn't do it! +And we're going right to the flea market to get another one! Misty tells me there's a whole booth of Franklin Mint stuff. Dottie, you lock up. I'll take care of poor Rosemary! But... but... she... Rosemary, I heard her voice! It's her, I tell you, IT'S HER! +Mrs. Hinkle... do you drink? No, I don't. +No, I don't. So you weren't drunk when you received those alleged obscene phonecalls? +So you weren't drunk when you received those alleged obscene phonecalls? I certainly was not! +I certainly was not! You mean to tell me the day I came over to Mrs. Ackerman's... the day you claim you recognized my voice... you weren't drinking? +You mean to tell me the day I came over to Mrs. Ackerman's... the day you claim you recognized my voice... you weren't drinking? "One beer with lunch is hardly ""drinking""." +So you do drink? Socially... I'll have a beer. +Socially... I'll have a beer. So you admit you just lied? +"Did you see her?! She just said ""Fuck you"" to me!" Let the record show I'm just standing here. +Let the record show I'm just standing here. FUCK YOU TOO, YOU WHORE! +Mrs. Hinkle, are you insane? NO I'M NOT, YOU MOTHER-FUCKER! +State your name, please. Marvin A. Pickles. +Marvin A. Pickles. Were you in the men's room at the Edmonson Drive In Flea Market on Saturday, September 19th? +Were you in the men's room at the Edmonson Drive In Flea Market on Saturday, September 19th? Yes, I was. +Mr. Pickle! Did you see anybody in the booth next to you? I... I'm not sure... ...I... oohhh... Excuse me... +I... I'm not sure... ...I... oohhh... Excuse me... What do you mean, you're not sure?! +Ooohhhhhh! I made it all up! I never saw Beverly Sutphin in my life! You'll pay for this, Marvin A. Pickles! I'm turning your file over to the vice-squad!! The prosecution rests, your honor. +Who wants fruit salad? I do, please. +I do, please. That's not gum in your mouth, is it? +That's not gum in your mouth, is it? It's sugarless. +It's sugarless. You know how I hate gum, Misty. All that chomping and cheesing... +You know how I hate gum, Misty. All that chomping and cheesing... Sorry, Mom. Thanks. Hey, Chip, think I could get 50c for Vanilla Ice. +And who may I ask is Carl? Just a boy. He's picking me up this morning. +He killed people, Mom. We all have bad nights. +Yummy. Carl says if I lose ten pounds, he'll take me to the University of Maryland Fall Mixer. Misty, if you want to lose weight go ahead, but do it for yourself, not for some boy you barely know. +I'm stoodup! I'll kill that bastard! Don't say words unless you mean them, Misty. +It's him! No, honey, it's the police. Hello, officers. +Damn these yellow-jackets! I hate 'em! Always something isn't it? Can I help you? +It's just not your day, is it Rosemary? Watch the booth! I'll be back! +0h, that's horrible, honey. I sold the Pee-Wee Herman doll!! Mother! Did you hear me?! Someone murdered Carl in the mensroom! I saw his dead body! +Mother! Did you hear me?! Someone murdered Carl in the mensroom! I saw his dead body! You got your wish. +You got your wish. But... I didn't wish... I didn't want him DEAD! +Beverly, are you alright? Rosemary, honey. Good morning. I'm fine. Thanks for remembering. +Rosemary, honey. Good morning. I'm fine. Thanks for remembering. It's the least I could do. I heard shouting. +Just the damn cable TV company. You know how they are. Did you hear about Dottie Hinkle? Yes, I did. It's terrifying! The police were at my house this morning. +Yes, I did. It's terrifying! The police were at my house this morning. Who on earth would want to harass poor Dottie Hinkle? +That's like your car, Beverly, I'm not that bad a driver. Look at her hair! Turn it off, honey. +Did you find your Franklin Mint egg, Rosemary darling? I saw one, but it was ridiculously overpriced! +I saw one, but it was ridiculously overpriced! You want me to keep that under the table for you? +You want me to keep that under the table for you? If you wouldn't mind... It was on sale. +Beverly, honey, you've got some... ...do-do on your shoe. Ewwww! Thank you, Rosemary. +Mrs. Ackerman, when you left me at the flea-market, where did you go? ...Browsing. +...Browsing. Did Carl Padgett buy something you wanted? +Did Carl Padgett buy something you wanted? I didn't want that Faberge egg - it was chipped! +I didn't want that Faberge egg - it was chipped! Carl Padgett died for the Franklin Mint, didn't he?! +Carl Padgett died for the Franklin Mint, didn't he?! NO! I could never hurt anyone! +That was your People magazine with the letters cut out, wasn't it? Yes, but I lent it... +Yes, but I lent it... And those were your scissors found sticking out of Mrs. Sterner's stomach, weren't they? +And those were your scissors found sticking out of Mrs. Sterner's stomach, weren't they? Yes... but... I didn't... +Yes... but... I didn't... Mrs. Ackerman, do you recycle? +Mrs. Ackerman, do you recycle? No... I don't have room in my kitchen... +Mrs... Sutphin? Right here! +Mrs. Sutphin, I'm Paul Stubbins, Chip's math teacher. Nice to meet you, Mr. Stubbins. A little something I baked. +Nice to meet you, Mr. Stubbins. A little something I baked. Oooohh! A fruit cake. Thank you, Mrs. Sutphin. Have a seat. +Oooohh! A fruit cake. Thank you, Mrs. Sutphin. Have a seat. Bon Appetit! +Chip is off to a fine start this year. Focused... conscientious... participates actively in classroom discussion. He's a good boy. +He's a good boy. There is one big problem though. +What is it, Mr. Stubbins? His unhealthy obsession with sick horror films. +His unhealthy obsession with sick horror films. He is assistant manager of a video shop... +He is assistant manager of a video shop... That's no excuse for a morbid imagination. I caught him drawing this in class last week. Is there a problem at home? +That's no excuse for a morbid imagination. I caught him drawing this in class last week. Is there a problem at home? Certainly not! +Certainly not! Divorce? An alcoholic relative? Tell me, did Chip torture animals when he was young? +Divorce? An alcoholic relative? Tell me, did Chip torture animals when he was young? No, he did not! We are a loving supportive family, Mr. Stubbins. +No, he did not! We are a loving supportive family, Mr. Stubbins. Well, you're doing something wrong, Mrs. Sutphin. I'd recommend therapy for your son. Thank you for taking the time to come to PTA. +I don't know what it is about today, but I FEEL GREAT! Excuse me, Mrs. Sutphin. +Man, that one made me puke! You forgot something... +You forgot something... Are we leaving? +Are we leaving? Yes you are. +SHE DID IT! Aimed the car right at Mr. Stubbins and mowed him down! From what I understand, the eye- witness is a drug user. +Murder, honey. Now, here's a babe! +What was that? I didn't hear anything. Got any dessert? +I didn't hear anything. Got any dessert? Dr. Sutphin said no sweets for you. +Dr. Sutphin said no sweets for you. What's he know? +What's he know? How to send a bill!! +What is it, Betty? We have mice! I mean it, Ralph! I saw one! +Young man, this Faberge Egg is chipped. Yes, ma'am, it is. +Yes, ma'am, it is. I'll give you fifty cents. +I'll give you fifty cents. That's a Franklin Mint piece. Eight dollars. +That's a Franklin Mint piece. Eight dollars. Eight dollars?! Franklin Mint or not, it's damaged goods! +I'll take this instead. Nice one, huh? Winter's coming. Three dollars?... I guess that's what I marked it... +You know who I am, August? Sure I do. +Sure I do. Then you know that if I give you a little advice, it'll be good advice. +Then you know that if I give you a little advice, it'll be good advice. Yeah —- sure. +Yeah —- sure. That girl was looking for Jacqueline Gibson. I'd forget it if I were you. +That girl was looking for Jacqueline Gibson. I'd forget it if I were you. Okay, Mr. Radeau, it's forgot. +The name may not mean anything to you, young lady, but say the word and I'll have your sister for you in forty-eight hours. You can? +You can? Look, sister', Manhattan is only nine miles long and four and one half miles wide. I ain't never been off it. I know it like you know your own back yard. You get me a small retainer --say fifty bucks, and I'll get your sister for you. I guarantee +Look, sister', Manhattan is only nine miles long and four and one half miles wide. I ain't never been off it. I know it like you know your own back yard. You get me a small retainer --say fifty bucks, and I'll get your sister for you. I guarantee I haven't any money but I'll get a job and -- +I've been waitin' for you Miss Gibson. I want you to know I've decided to take your case. Mr. August, I'm not at all sure - +Mr. August, I'm not at all sure - Look. Don't say a word. I've taken an interest in you and I'm willin' to put up my time to help you. Besides, I think I know where to find your sister. +Look. Don't say a word. I've taken an interest in you and I'm willin' to put up my time to help you. Besides, I think I know where to find your sister. Where? +Where? Wait a minute. This has got a lot of angles. You've got to take it easy. Do you know a Mrs. Redi? +Wait a minute. This has got a lot of angles. You've got to take it easy. Do you know a Mrs. Redi? Yes. She bought my sister's business. +Yes. She bought my sister's business. That's what she told you. I looked it up at the Hall of Records. Your sister deeded her the business as an outright girt. +That's what she told you. I looked it up at the Hall of Records. Your sister deeded her the business as an outright girt. Why would Mrs. Redi lie to me? +Why would Mrs. Redi lie to me? "That's what I tried to find out. I went to La Jeunesse —— -- used a phony health inspector's badge —— they let me go through the works -- all but one room. That room was locked. I'd like to see the inside of that room." +"That's what I tried to find out. I went to La Jeunesse —— -- used a phony health inspector's badge —— they let me go through the works -- all but one room. That room was locked. I'd like to see the inside of that room." You think my sister is there? +You think my sister is there? You can't tell. +You can't tell. Can we go there now? +Can we go there now? Sister, you can't just go breaking into places. There's a night watchman down there and locks on the door. +Sister, you can't just go breaking into places. There's a night watchman down there and locks on the door. If my sister's in that room, it won't make any difference about warrants- and things, I want to go there. +If my sister's in that room, it won't make any difference about warrants- and things, I want to go there. I don't know if I want to go with you or not. +I don't like this. Which room is it? +Which room is it? It's the last door at the end of this hall. +You scared? Yes. +Yes. Let's get out of here. +Let's get out of here. No. +It's only a little way, Mr. August. I'd like to get out of here. +I'd like to get out of here. No. +We can't stand here all night. You could go and open the door. +You could go and open the door. Listen —— +The acceptance of a secret is an obligation and in this case my dear, the obligation carried with it the necessity of dying if one betrayed that secret. You understand that don't you? Yes, I understand. +Yes, I understand. Then, you also understand that you must die. +Then, you also understand that you must die. No. +When I wanted to. It doesn't matter. You want to now. You should want to. It's your obligation, your duty. +May I have some water? I'm thirsty. Drink. +Drink. No. +No. You won't get any water and you won't get any rest. You may as well drink. +Mr. Ward will see you in just a few minutes. Won't you wait, Dr. Judd? Thank you. +Are you Dr. Louis Judd? Yes. +Yes. I read your book. The one in which you wrote about the cure for drinking. +I read your book. The one in which you wrote about the cure for drinking. You're not a dipsomaniac at your age? +You're not a dipsomaniac at your age? No. It's my father -- I wanted to talk to you -- you wrote about cures -- +I've come from Jacqueline. She needs money. I thought you told me you didn't know where she was. +I thought you told me you didn't know where she was. I didn't. She came to me a few days ago. To put it delicately her care imposes a financial burden upon me. She thought you might lighten that burden. +I didn't. She came to me a few days ago. To put it delicately her care imposes a financial burden upon me. She thought you might lighten that burden. If Jacqueline wants money she can come to me herself. +If Jacqueline wants money she can come to me herself. I'm afraid she can't do that, Ward. It would endanger her. +I'm afraid she can't do that, Ward. It would endanger her. What sort of danger? +You're a curious man. You're willing to jeopardize Jacqueline's life in order to satisfy your own curiosity. You come to me with some wild story about her being in danger - naturally I want to know what kind of danger. I want to know where she is. +It's not just for myself I'm asking. Her sister is here. The kid's half crazy with anxiety. As a man, you distrust me —- perhaps you believe me as a physician. +Well, then I can tell you that in addition to other dangers, there is a grave danger of Jacqueline losing her sanity. I would advise against you seeing her. But why? She's been ill --erratic, but I've never heard of anything like that! +How much does she want? She could use a hundred dollars. +She could use a hundred dollars. I'll give you a check. +I'll give you a check. She can only use cash. +I haven't got that much in cash. How much have you got? +How much have you got? About forty-five dollars. +About forty-five dollars. For the time being, I imagine that must do. +Tell me, how is Jacqueline? Oh, as beautiful as ever. +But tell me -- She's nervous, naturally, under the circumstances. +She's nervous, naturally, under the circumstances. What circumstances? +Why, Mary -- Hello, Frances. +Hello, Frances. How's Miss Jacqueline? +How's Miss Jacqueline? I don't know. That's why I came to see Mrs. Redi. I'm trying to find her. +I don't know. That's why I came to see Mrs. Redi. I'm trying to find her. You mean Miss Jacqueline's gone, and you don't know where she is? +I don't get this. Miss Jacqueline was always so fond of you -- she was always talking about you -— had your picture in her office. I know. For the first time I'm beginning to be frightened. I almost feel as if I'd never known my sister. +I know. For the first time I'm beginning to be frightened. I almost feel as if I'd never known my sister. Nothing's happened to her. It's just that I can't understand her not getting in touch with you. +Nothing's happened to her. It's just that I can't understand her not getting in touch with you. I can't understand it at all. +I can't understand it at all. "Well, don't worry. I saw Miss Jacqueline only a week ago. I saw her at a little restaurant the boy friend took me to -- an Italian place down in the Village —- ""The Dante.""" +"Well, don't worry. I saw Miss Jacqueline only a week ago. I saw her at a little restaurant the boy friend took me to -- an Italian place down in the Village —- ""The Dante.""" """The Dante?""" +"""The Dante?""" It's on Peary Street. Just ask the people who run it. They'll remember her. People who see Miss Jacqueline never forget her. +It's on Peary Street. Just ask the people who run it. They'll remember her. People who see Miss Jacqueline never forget her. I'll try there. +I can't see much fun in teaching school. Why don't you go into the beauty business. But I like teaching school. +But I like teaching school. Well, if it's fun for you, it's all right. I get a kick out of my work when the customers aren't too crabby. +Well, if it's fun for you, it's all right. I get a kick out of my work when the customers aren't too crabby. Is Mrs. Redi nice to work for? +Is Mrs. Redi nice to work for? Redi's all right. +Redi's all right. She seems rather an odd woman to me. +She seems rather an odd woman to me. She's a pretty good sort. +She's a pretty good sort. What does she do with herself after business hours? +It always seemed to me she was sort of lonely and unhappy. I guess most people are. +The tip is, anyhow. I like to work on your hair. Thank you. +Do you know what this is, Frances? I ought to know. +I ought to know. What is it? +What did she want? I did her hair. +I did her hair. What were you talking about? +What were you talking about? Nothing. +Nothing. Nothing! That's absurd. I heard you laughing and talking, She was asking questions. +Nothing! That's absurd. I heard you laughing and talking, She was asking questions. She was just asking about you - Whether it was nice to work for you or not. +She was just asking about you - Whether it was nice to work for you or not. And that was all? +And that was all? No. She asked about the trademark. +No. She asked about the trademark. What did she want to know? +What did she want to know? She showed me a drawing. +She showed me a drawing. "You fool! That symbol is us -- us. She was asking about us." +Some of us, Frances, must believe without understanding. Yes. +We're not exactly strangers, Mary. Jacqueline spoke about you often. I suppose she told you about me, No...At the morgue they told me a Mr. Gregory Ward had made inquiries about Jacqueline. +No...At the morgue they told me a Mr. Gregory Ward had made inquiries about Jacqueline. The Morgue? No wonder you fainted. I wish you had come to me first. +The Morgue? No wonder you fainted. I wish you had come to me first. Then you know where Jacqueline is? +Then you know where Jacqueline is? But I'd give a great deal to know. +But I'd give a great deal to know. Why? +Why? I love your sister, Mary. I love her very much. +A man would look anywhere for her, Mary. There is something exciting and unforgettable about her -— something you never get hold of —- something that keeps a man following after her. Because I loved Jacqueline I thought I knew her. Today I found out such strange things ——frightening things. I saw a hangman's noose that she had hanging -— waiting —— I feel as if I'd never known her. +Because I loved Jacqueline I thought I knew her. Today I found out such strange things ——frightening things. I saw a hangman's noose that she had hanging -— waiting —— I feel as if I'd never known her. At least I can explain that, Mary. Your sister had a feeling about life —— that it wasn't worth living unless one could end it. I helped her get that room. +At least I can explain that, Mary. Your sister had a feeling about life —— that it wasn't worth living unless one could end it. I helped her get that room. Weren't you afraid? +Weren't you afraid? Afraid she might commit suicide? People who commit suicide don't talk about it. That room made her happy in some strange way I couldn't understand. She lived in a world of her own fancy. She didn't always tell the truth. In fact -— I'm afraid she didn't know what the truth was. There were many things about Jacqueline I didn't understand, and yet, without understanding, I had to be with her —— to see her —— to touch her —— in order to be happy. It's hard to explain to a youngster. +Afraid she might commit suicide? People who commit suicide don't talk about it. That room made her happy in some strange way I couldn't understand. She lived in a world of her own fancy. She didn't always tell the truth. In fact -— I'm afraid she didn't know what the truth was. There were many things about Jacqueline I didn't understand, and yet, without understanding, I had to be with her —— to see her —— to touch her —— in order to be happy. It's hard to explain to a youngster. I'm not a youngster. I can understand. +Thank you. It was a lovely dinner. Good. +Good. But I reel guilty. It doesn't seem right for me to enjoy myself with Jacqueline gone. +You can't make it your life's work looking for Jacqueline. ) You'll have to do other things... live...get some enjoyment out of life. I hope you'll let me help you. Thank you.. .goodnight. +Thank you.. .goodnight. Goodnight, Mary. +This is about another murder —— a woman at Fifty Second Street But you do believe me? +But you do believe me? The important thing is, the police won't believe you. +The important thing is, the police won't believe you. I saw him on the floor. He was cut -— --here. The blood was running out. He was dead. I'm sure of it. Then on the subway I saw him —— white —— and the men holding him up between them. +Yes, of course —— but the police would say you'd probably had a bad dream. He was a kind little man in his way —— and I made him go down that hall into the darkness. I made him do it. +He was a kind little man in his way —— and I made him go down that hall into the darkness. I made him do it. Drink your milk. +I'm sorry. I didn't intend to treat you like a child. But you have treated me that way. +But you have treated me that way. I won't do it again. We're friends. I'll never order you about again. +However, I won't say that I'll not take charge occasionally, and I'm going to take charge new. I've a job for you. A job? +A job? You told me you were pretty good with youngsters. Today I bumped into an old friend of mine, Mrs. Wheeler She runs a settlement house down in the Village and is looking for a kindergarten teacher. +You told me you were pretty good with youngsters. Today I bumped into an old friend of mine, Mrs. Wheeler She runs a settlement house down in the Village and is looking for a kindergarten teacher. I'd like that. +I'd like that. It's not much money, but it's enough to live on. You'd have to move out of that hotel and into a furnished room. +It's not much money, but it's enough to live on. You'd have to move out of that hotel and into a furnished room. Maybe the Romaris might have a room. They seem nice. +Maybe the Romaris might have a room. They seem nice. The people at the restaurant? +The people at the restaurant? Yes. +What brought you down here, Greg? Oh, I had business with a man... but I missed him -— +Oh, I had business with a man... but I missed him -— Well, I'm glad you came to see me. +What have you done about Irving August? Oh, I'm making investigations. +Oh, I'm making investigations. You've never believed a word I told you about Mr. August. +You've never believed a word I told you about Mr. August. Look, Mary, now that I know you better, I think I can be more frank with you. I don't believe you. I still can't understand the reason for such a wild tale. It's like some of Jacqueline's stories. +Look, Mary, now that I know you better, I think I can be more frank with you. I don't believe you. I still can't understand the reason for such a wild tale. It's like some of Jacqueline's stories. Greg, it isn't a wild tale. It's true. If there were only some way -- +Greg, it isn't a wild tale. It's true. If there were only some way -- There is a very simple way. Got a telephone book? +Please —- I can't explain things like this to your right ear. Last night in this very restaurant Mr. Jason Hoag paid a very pretty compliment to my right ear. +Last night in this very restaurant Mr. Jason Hoag paid a very pretty compliment to my right ear. Who the devil is he? +Who the devil is he? A poet. He's sitting right over there. That's his table —— the one at the feet of Dante. +You could have told me any time you were Jacqueline's husband. Things changed, Mary. The reasons for finding Jacqueline changed. I want to find Jacqueline to settle things. +Things changed, Mary. The reasons for finding Jacqueline changed. I want to find Jacqueline to settle things. What things? Why? +She's got to be found. That's the first step. She's got to be found so that she can give herself up to the police. We've tried so long to find her. +Don't. We know what happened. Don't go on. Any court in the land would understand. We'll wait a few days -- let you rest -- then we'll go to the police. +Any court in the land would understand. We'll wait a few days -- let you rest -- then we'll go to the police. It will all be over in such a little while, Jacqueline, and everything will be all right again. Drink your coffee. +I thought I might close up the apartment -- maybe get a place in Connecticut. You'd love that, Jackie. Remember that last summer with Mother in the Berkshires? You used to help the gardener. +Good night, Jacqueline -- good night, Mary. Good night. +That was Dr. Judd. He was phoning to say that, Jacqueline is on her way here - Gregory —— you'd better take Jacqueline with you tonight. +Gregory —— you'd better take Jacqueline with you tonight. It's what I should have done yesterday. I'll take her away somewhere where she can rest. +No. Stay that way. I want to talk to you. I love you -— you know that? Yes. +Yes. Perhaps, later, when things are settled, when Jacqueline's well again -- maybe we can arrange things differently. +I've never loved any one before, Gregory, and I do love you -— you must know it -- but Jacqueline's my sister —— whom I had lost and have found again.... I know —— I shouldn't have told you— +I know —— I shouldn't have told you— No, I'm glad....at least I've heard you say it... +I'm going to find your sister. I don't think that's a good subject for jokes, Mr. Hoag. +I don't think that's a good subject for jokes, Mr. Hoag. But I'm not joking. +But I'm not joking. Don't be ridiculous. For months I've had the best private detective in New York looking for Miss Gibson. +Don't be ridiculous. For months I've had the best private detective in New York looking for Miss Gibson. But I'm better than a detective. I have an understanding of people - and a love of them -- an understanding of the city - - +But I'm better than a detective. I have an understanding of people - and a love of them -- an understanding of the city - - You don't even know Jacqueline Gibson. +You don't even know Jacqueline Gibson. But I understand her. That may be more important. +But I understand her. That may be more important. It may make very fine poetry, Mr. Hoag, but it doesn't make good sense. +Mary, when you first came here, I told you to look into your heart. You didn't listen to me. You listened to the policeman instead. You didn't find your sister, did you? Look here, just because Mrs. Romari asked you to amuse us. +Well? This is the part of New York I love. It is old. It has memories. If you listen, the houses will speak to you. Walt Whitman...Edna St. Vincent Millay... Eugene O'Neill...in their time they've all lived here. +All very nice but, what are you going to do - listen at every house in New York for Jacqueline's voice? I'm looking for a party -- a merry party. +I'm looking for a party -- a merry party. Well, that's illuminating. +Do you think he knows about this? I don't know. +I don't know. He's clever and he's cautious in his way. If he knew I think he'd advise her to do what I want —- surrender herself to the police —— stand trial —— I don't think he knows. +He's clever and he's cautious in his way. If he knew I think he'd advise her to do what I want —- surrender herself to the police —— stand trial —— I don't think he knows. We could tell him. +Could you find him? I suppose so. I can pick him up somewhere. +What's that? Verse -- verse that I wrote. I need it. +Let her know what? That you love Mary. +She'll have to know some time. Not from me. +Who are you? I'm Mimi -- I'm dying. +I'm Mimi -- I'm dying. No! +No! Yes. It's been quiet, oh ever so quiet. I hardly move, yet it keeps coming all the time -—closer and closer. I rest and rest and yet I am dying. +Yes. It's been quiet, oh ever so quiet. I hardly move, yet it keeps coming all the time -—closer and closer. I rest and rest and yet I am dying. And you don't want to die. I've always wanted to die -- always. +And you don't want to die. I've always wanted to die -- always. I'm afraid. +I'm tired of being afraid -— of waiting. Why wait? +Why wait? I'm not going to wait. I'm going out -- laugh, dance --do all the things I used to do. +I'm not going to wait. I'm going out -- laugh, dance --do all the things I used to do. And then? +And then? I don't know. +I don't know. You will die. +Please, Jacqueline. You know about the Palladists -- you know who they are -- what they are. I was one of them. +Good-bye, darling. I'll only be gone until three. Good-bye. +Good-bye. If you get lonely, go down and see Mrs. Romari. I told her you were staying with me. +If you get lonely, go down and see Mrs. Romari. I told her you were staying with me. I won't get lonely. +You'll be all right? Yes. +Were you going to make a suggestion? Yes. I was going to tell you to look into your own heart -- do you really want to find your sister? +"Well,then I have spoiled your dinner -- ""your food won't digest, and your wine will sour.""" You will have to make all the jokes, because I'm going to be very serious. +At least you knew about Dr. Judd. Yes. +Yes. And you knew he'd be here. +And you knew he'd be here. Yes. And now that I've shown you that I know that much, and can guess more -- will you trust me to look for Jacqueline? +Yes. And now that I've shown you that I know that much, and can guess more -- will you trust me to look for Jacqueline? I want you to look for Jacqueline. +It's terribly sweet of you, Jason. I have something even better. +I have been at the library. But you're always at the library. +But you're always at the library. I went as a detective. I found out that Mrs. Redi reads the same books as Dr. Judd. +I went as a detective. I found out that Mrs. Redi reads the same books as Dr. Judd. I don't think that's so revealing. +I don't think that's so revealing. But who is Judd, a psychiatrist. It's quite natural that he should read books on the history of old religious societies. But why should Mrs. Redi, a woman with a beauty parlor --? +But who is Judd, a psychiatrist. It's quite natural that he should read books on the history of old religious societies. But why should Mrs. Redi, a woman with a beauty parlor --? I don't know. +I don't know. "That's it. And this figure --she traced it. The book I saw at the library had been marked ""perfect"" by the library inspector in March. Mrs. Redi had it out in April. No one else had read it since." +"That's it. And this figure --she traced it. The book I saw at the library had been marked ""perfect"" by the library inspector in March. Mrs. Redi had it out in April. No one else had read it since." I'm at sea, Jason. +I'm at sea, Jason. Such a simple matter. This figure is the symbol of the Palladists. +Such a simple matter. This figure is the symbol of the Palladists. It's all clear to me now -- so clear. +It's all clear to me now -- so clear. I thought it would be, but just to be sure, I'll tell you that the Palladists are a society of Devil worshippers -- +I thought it would be, but just to be sure, I'll tell you that the Palladists are a society of Devil worshippers -- Devil worshippers! +Look. I'm serious. It's a real and vary earnest society -- a dangerous society... I can imagine. +I can imagine. Some time before those nice white gloves are dry you're going to go and find out a few things about Mrs. Redi. +I want you to see my room. I want you to see all of it. But it's a small room, Jason. +But it's a small room, Jason. It's grown big with time -- I've lived here with the Romari's for ten years -- the room's become part of me. I want you to see it —— to know me better. +My window - - through which I see the world. It's beautiful -- that searchlight - the stars -- +It's beautiful -- that searchlight - the stars -- It's not a searchlight —— it's a sword blade cutting the blue cloak of a prince —- not stars -- +It's not a searchlight —— it's a sword blade cutting the blue cloak of a prince —- not stars -- Jason, I'm going back to Highcliffe. I came to say good-by. +I thought your coming up here to the third floor to see me —-that it was your advent into my world. It turns out to be good-by. Why? I have to go —- +I have to go —- But you're happy here -- you like your work —- +"It isn't that -- you said, ""have to go."" What could compel you --" Don't make me tell you, Jason. +Don't make me tell you, Jason. I thought myself your friend, Mary. Just good-bye isn't enough for a friend. +I had begun to write again -—that's whet I was doing when you came in. It's because of Jacqueline —— I can't go on looking for her -- +It's because of Jacqueline —— I can't go on looking for her -- You went to see Mrs. Redi... She told you something -- what was it? +You went to see Mrs. Redi... She told you something -- what was it? Jacqueline is a murderess she killed a man. +Jacqueline is a murderess she killed a man. And you believe that? +And you believe that? I have to. It was Irving August -- everything Mrs. Redi said -— it fits in with what I saw -— she even knew I'd seen his body on the subway. +If it is true — there's all the more reason for you to find Jacqueline. And Gregory -- he loves her. +And Gregory -- he loves her. He loves you, Mary, and you'll have to tell him. +He loves you, Mary, and you'll have to tell him. He's Jacqueline's husband. I can't +I can't find Gregory. I've been trying to find him. What's wrong, Mary? +What's wrong, Mary? Jacqueline. Mr. Romari phoned me. She went out this afternoon with two men he'd never seen before. +Jacqueline. Mr. Romari phoned me. She went out this afternoon with two men he'd never seen before. They may have been friends of hers. +I hate people who try to peddle comfort. But,Mary, you shouldn't mourn for Jacqueline. Life for her was full of the agony of a disordered mind. It's better this way. I keep telling myself that. +"Not I —- I am alive, yet every hope I had is dead, Death can be good. Death can be happy.. If I were really dying I could speak like Cyrano -— ""My courage like a white plume"" — and all the other lovely words with which he greeted death. Then perhaps you might understand," I understand. +I understand. Good. We all understand each other. You, Gregory and I. We all know. There is sunlight in the streets and work to do. Both of you -— you're off to work. +Ah, my Jason -- always laughing -- always trying to help others. He's a good boy, Miss -- he just talks that way. I'm a good boy, but no one listens to what I say. +Jason, my pet —— "Bella Romari If I were not seated, I would embrace you in three movements like a sonata. Ah, my wonderful one. Fly with me tonight. We will take your coffee machine and live with the gypsies." +What are you thinking of, Bella? Can I eat dry? Oh, the wine. I have forgotten the wine. +Why can't everyone be happy like we are -- laugh and have good times. Look at that poor little one — so sad because she can't find her sister. And that man with her -— he doesn't make her laugh —— he just sits and talks. We are happy, Mrs. Romari, because you have everything —— and I am happy because I have nothing to lose. +We are happy, Mrs. Romari, because you have everything —— and I am happy because I have nothing to lose. But you should make her laugh, Jason. Come, make jokes for her. I'll bring your food to their table. +Oh, Mr. Jason. I really shouldn't be doing this, you know. It's against the rules. When did you say you wanted them? I want to see what they read so I'll know what kind of books to give my friends as presents. There's nothing nicer for a gift than a book. +I want to see what they read so I'll know what kind of books to give my friends as presents. There's nothing nicer for a gift than a book. Who was the first one -- Mrs. Redi? +And the other was Judd? Yes, Dr. Louis Judd. +Yes, Dr. Louis Judd. It's here, too. +Would it be asking too much, Miss Gottschalk, for you to get me these books? No, not at all, Mr. Jason. +Why, Mr. Jason. Most of these books are on the closed shelf. You have to get permission. I wouldn't want to take them out. I just want to look at them. +I wouldn't want to take them out. I just want to look at them. Well, since, you're over twenty one—— +Where is Jacqueline Gibson? What a peculiar question. +What a peculiar question. I saw you with her last week. I knew you'd be here tonight. Where is she? +I saw you with her last week. I knew you'd be here tonight. Where is she? My dear fellow, it's neither your business to ask, nor mine to tell. +See that girl? That's Jacqueline's sister. It's because of her I ask. But why come to me? +But why come to me? Because there was another girl— years ago -- a nice girl. She lived on Barrow Street. I saw her with you once -— I saw her with you twice and then I never saw her again. That's why. +Because there was another girl— years ago -- a nice girl. She lived on Barrow Street. I saw her with you once -— I saw her with you twice and then I never saw her again. That's why. She was my patient. +What was she to you? I don't think that you would understand if I told you. +I don't think that you would understand if I told you. I think I understand without your telling me. I know something of your history, Jason. I know that you haven't written for ten years. +I think I understand without your telling me. I know something of your history, Jason. I know that you haven't written for ten years. I've lost my knack. +I've lost my knack. After that wonderful first book —- after all the adulation and the good reviews? +Following me to find Jacqueline? Uh—huh. +Uh—huh. Well, it won't work. Love and understanding won't make a good detective out of a recalcitrant poet. +Well, it won't work. Love and understanding won't make a good detective out of a recalcitrant poet. "Actually I want to ask two favors of you -- one as a poet —— one as a detective." +"Actually I want to ask two favors of you -- one as a poet —— one as a detective." It sounds strange, and I'm going to be very wary. +This is curious, Jason. Half the time you talk as if Shakespeare were not fit to tie your shoe—laces; now this sudden humility. I should like people to read what I've written. +And this poetry —— like the poetry you wrote before extols the passion and beauty of life? It goes beyond that. It praises the goodness of God and the greatness of all His works. +It goes beyond that. It praises the goodness of God and the greatness of all His works. I hope it finds as much favor as your other book -- but somehow I doubt it -- the time is out of tune. +I hope it finds as much favor as your other book -- but somehow I doubt it -- the time is out of tune. Why not let your publisher judge that? +Wait —- there is that other favor. I'd forgotten. +I'd forgotten. Tell me where Jacqueline is -— we've got to find her. +Tell me where Jacqueline is -— we've got to find her. You don't expect me to do that do you? +You don't expect me to do that do you? Yes. When I tell you. +Yes. When I tell you. Tell me what? +Tell me what? You'll have good enough sense to tell us where she is -— when you know she's a murderess. She killed a man. +Tell me, why this sudden desire to publish — to awaken like Byron and find yourself famous. I think it's time. +I think it's time. No other reason —— no woman ——not the little Miss Gibson? +Perhaps. I'll do all I can to help. I'll go to my publisher tomorrow. +I'm afraid this is no time to play Cyrano, my friend. What was in your mind? I wanted to get things clear for Jacqueline. Let her know -- +I suppose, Jason, that you'll speak for your friend -- -- and your poetry will speak for you. Perhaps +I don't suppose you'll ever tell her, will you? She is very young -- I have an old habit of failure. It would be a bad habit to bring to a marriage. +She is very young -- I have an old habit of failure. It would be a bad habit to bring to a marriage. A book of successful verse might have changed that, eh? +A book of successful verse might have changed that, eh? It might have. +If you like, I'll go with you to dinner. I'd like that. +What? They may have found her. Mrs. Cortez -— this morning I told her Jacqueline was no longer under my care. +Dr. Judd? Yes, Miss Gibson. I've come to take you to your sister. +Don't be so amazed. It's a very ordinary matter. I'm Jacqueline's physician... Mr. Ward told me you were in town and Jacqueline has sent me to bring you to her. You know where she is? +You know where she is? If I didn't know where she was, could I take you to her? Get your hat and coat. We haven't much time. +It's my cloven hoof. It trips me up sometimes. Cloven hoof? +Cloven hoof? Yes. You know the devil and all his minions are marked that way. +Yes. You could become a country wife -- fool around with petunias and pullets. It will be fun meeting Gregory every night at the station. +Would they hurt her? I don't know. +I know the others -- Redi, Fallon, Leo, Bruns. But I would never have guessed it of you, Natalie. One believes -— it's like any other religion... +One believes -— it's like any other religion... I'd hardly describe It that way —- The worship of evil is a pretty dreadful and special thing. +I'd hardly describe It that way —- The worship of evil is a pretty dreadful and special thing. It seems right to us. +It seems right to us. I know the theory behind the movement. If one believes in good one believes in evil. If one believes in God, one must believe in the devil. And an intelligent person can make his own choice —— that's it, isn't it? +I know the theory behind the movement. If one believes in good one believes in evil. If one believes in God, one must believe in the devil. And an intelligent person can make his own choice —— that's it, isn't it? Because you are intelligent -- that's why they sent me to you -- +Because you are intelligent -- that's why they sent me to you -- I think I can give you a more practical reason for your kind invitation. I know too much. I was Jacqueline's psycho-analyst. +I think I can give you a more practical reason for your kind invitation. I know too much. I was Jacqueline's psycho-analyst. I always thought it was a more intimate relationship. +Perhaps, Natalie, this is a bargain you're offering me --I am being allowed to join -- to buy safety by betraying Jacqueline -- is that it? I haven't said anything of the sort. +I haven't said anything of the sort. But you would like to know where she is? +But you would like to know where she is? Yes. There are certain punitive measures... +Yes. There are certain punitive measures... I can imagine. But you did say you came to me as my friend --that you were concerned for me. +I'm afraid you have mistaken my motive, Louis. I thought you might understand and sympathize. I have no sympathy for either good or evil. I have only curiosity -- a professional curiosity. What unhappy people most of you are! +I have no sympathy for either good or evil. I have only curiosity -- a professional curiosity. What unhappy people most of you are! "Are we? I thought I was very gay." +"Are we? I thought I was very gay." "A gay lot -— Redi, for instance. I don't know what her sorrow is, but her life's an empty one. She's had to have this to cling to. Frances Fallon, with her worship of Jacqueline, has had to follow like a sheep. And Bruns, the fanatic. And you..." +I was a great dancer... A strange collection. You're like the false god you worship... fallen angels, all of you. +A strange collection. You're like the false god you worship... fallen angels, all of you. Life has betrayed us. We've found there is no heaven on earth, so we must worship evil for evil's own sake. We're not wicked. We commit no violence, unless... +Life has betrayed us. We've found there is no heaven on earth, so we must worship evil for evil's own sake. We're not wicked. We commit no violence, unless... Unless what? +Unless what? No, you draw no secrets from me, as you drew them from Jacqueline. You are not one of us yet. You're clever, Louis, but I recognize your interest in me for what it is worth. You are only curious. You have never loved a woman who had but one arm. +No, you draw no secrets from me, as you drew them from Jacqueline. You are not one of us yet. You're clever, Louis, but I recognize your interest in me for what it is worth. You are only curious. You have never loved a woman who had but one arm. It would be a charming experience. She might only protest half as much. +It would be a charming experience. She might only protest half as much. You're very flippant and perhaps wise, but not wise enough to see the truth, Louis. +Is it about Jacqueline? No. She's no longer under my care. +I don't know how to begin this, Natalie. Perhaps it's best to just plunge in. I want to join you. We always knew you'd come to us, Louis. +We always knew you'd come to us, Louis. But I'm not coming to you out of deep conviction, I'm coming to you out of loss. I no longer can believe in the power and the rightness of things that are called good. +But I'm not coming to you out of deep conviction, I'm coming to you out of loss. I no longer can believe in the power and the rightness of things that are called good. I never thought you did. +I never thought you did. I've talked nonsense. I've scoffed and hooted -- but somewhere very deep down in me, I always felt that good held the balance of power. +I've talked nonsense. I've scoffed and hooted -- but somewhere very deep down in me, I always felt that good held the balance of power. You're even sentimental about it. What made you change your mind? +This is incredible I It must be some sort of a joke. I'm very, very serious. +I'm very, very serious. But you have never liked Jason. You always laughed at him - -quarreled with him -- +But you have never liked Jason. You always laughed at him - -quarreled with him -- And I love and admire him more than any man I ever knew. I read these poems. He's lost his talent and his was a really great gift. What I have to do today -- to bring him this rejected manuscript -—will be the most disheartening thing I have ever done and the most disillusioning. +This is the most amusing thing I have ever heard and with a bit of gossip to season it —— your failure with Jacqueline. Has she returned to her husband? No, she's with her sister, +But you must know someone who has seen or heard of my sister. I'm afraid not. +Mrs. Redi, there's one thing —-with Jacqueline gone, how do you carry on the business? What do you do with the receipts? How do you sign checks--? Mary, I'm amazed. Didn't Jacqueline tell you? She sold the business to me at least eight months ago. It's my business now. +Mary, I'm amazed. Didn't Jacqueline tell you? She sold the business to me at least eight months ago. It's my business now. I didn't know. +I didn't know. Yes —— and I must say I've done very well with it -- perhaps even better than Jacqueline. +There's nothing you can think of -- old letters, anything, that might give me some hint as to where I might find Jacqueline? Leave me your address, and if I find anything, I'll get in touch with you. +Leave me your address, and if I find anything, I'll get in touch with you. I'm stopping at the Chatsworth. +I'm stopping at the Chatsworth. Thank you, my dear. +I'm afraid not. That's too bad. +Yes. This is Mrs. Redi, Mary. +This is Mrs. Redi, Mary. I'll be out in a minute. +I'll be out in a minute. That won't be necessary. I haven't much to say. +If I were you, Mary -- I'd go back to school. I'd make no further attempt to find Jacqueline. Why? +Why? It will make you unhappy to find Jacqueline. It would put her in danger --- great danger -- +I can almost feel your doubt about what I'm saying, Mary. I can't give up looking for her, Mrs. Redi, no matter what you're hinting at. +I can't give up looking for her, Mrs. Redi, no matter what you're hinting at. I have no intention whatsoever of hinting. Your sister, Mary, is a murderess. She killed Irving August -- stabbed him out of fright when he discovered where she was hiding. +I have no intention whatsoever of hinting. Your sister, Mary, is a murderess. She killed Irving August -- stabbed him out of fright when he discovered where she was hiding. I don't believe it. +I don't believe it. I had to help get rid of the body. You saw it on the subway. And I warn you, Mary -- go back -- you don't know what you're doing, or what dreadful things you might bring about by looking for your sister. You go back to school - - go back and forget Jacqueline. +Once you'd seen my sister you'd never forget her. Giacomo -- la bellisslina madonna —- +Yes —— yes, if she made that much impression on you, I'm sure it was Jacqueline. She's not been here for a long time. +She's not been here for a long time. But she was here? +But she was here? Oh yes, yes. One day a beautiful car comes here. This beautiful lady in furs gets out. There is a handsome man with her, and the chauffeur The lady rents one of our upstairs rooms. The chauffeur changes the lock on the door. Then the lady never comes back --not to live, anyhow. She came back three, four times, but always alone and just to eat. +You mean she just came here, rented the room, locked it, and left? Yes -- and pays the rent every month. +Yes -- and pays the rent every month. Could you let me see that room? If it is hers, there might be something there to help me find my sister. +Your sister - - have you heard from her lately? No, Mrs. Lowood, she doesn't write often. +No, Mrs. Lowood, she doesn't write often. Have you any other relatives, Mary? +That makes it all the more difficult —— Difficult? Has anything happened to Jacqueline? +Difficult? Has anything happened to Jacqueline? We don't know, Mary. We've been unable to get in touch with your sister. +We don't know, Mary. We've been unable to get in touch with your sister. Sometimes she can be quite careless. Why don't you try Mrs. Redi? +Sometimes she can be quite careless. Why don't you try Mrs. Redi? I have written repeatedly to Mrs. Redi. She vouchsafes no information whatsoever. It is six months since your tuition has been paid, Mary. Naturally, it is impossible for you to stay on here as a paying pupil. +I have written repeatedly to Mrs. Redi. She vouchsafes no information whatsoever. It is six months since your tuition has been paid, Mary. Naturally, it is impossible for you to stay on here as a paying pupil. Of course. +But, Mrs. Lowood, I can't just stay here not knowing what's happened to my sister. Maybe if I went to New York -- if I saw Mrs. Redi myself -- I doubt if you'll get anything out of that woman. But if you'd like to try, I'll advance you the money to make the trip to New York. Of course, my dear, if you don't find your sister, you can always come back here. +I'm worry to bother you. I want to ask you about my sister. Yes? +Yes? I thought you might know her. She was seen here about a week ago. Her name is Jacqueline Gibson. +I thought you might know her. She was seen here about a week ago. Her name is Jacqueline Gibson. I don't know no Gibson. This is a restaurant. Many people come here. +I don't know no Gibson. This is a restaurant. Many people come here. She's very beautiful. +No -- the rent in paid. The lady asked us to promise, I wouldn't open the door. Please. +Fo come ti pare. To desiderare sempre di vedere che cosa c'era in quella stanza. What did he say? +Miss Gibson, I'm tired of resting. Sh-h-h Nancy. The other children. +Is it fifteen minutes yet? "No, Nancy. You've got to sleep two more minutes." +Children, I want you to be very good and very quiet while I see Mrs. Wheeler a moment. She's going to take over this class for a while. Why +Why Because I have something very important to do. +Because I have something very important to do. What? +What? I'll be right back with Mrs. Wheeler. +I'll be right back with Mrs. Wheeler. When? +I went back through the history last night. I read about Johann Rozenquartz -- I read what he wrote -- "I can quote it fully, Mrs. Redi. ""We will avoid violence. For once undertaken, violence becomes its own master and can lead to either good or evil.""" +"I can quote it fully, Mrs. Redi. ""We will avoid violence. For once undertaken, violence becomes its own master and can lead to either good or evil.""" But he also wrote -- +But he also wrote -- "I can quote that too; ""Those who shall go out into the market place and let their tongues speak of us, and give knowledge of our being and our deeds, whom-so-ever doeth this shall die.""" +But she told him, Frances. She told him about us. I know this is difficult for you. I know that you love her. +It is a very real danger and one which forces our decision. What about Judd -- he knows about us. +I have taken care of Mary. I've spoken to her. She's going back to school. Then it is decided. Leo and Durk and I will make our plans. +I'm sorry to be late, Natalie. We haven't even begun tea yet. +Sorry. I'm nervous. This is very trying for me. I know. You introduced Jacqueline to us -- but how could you tell —- +I know. You introduced Jacqueline to us -- but how could you tell —- I should have known. She had no sincerity —- no real belief. +Jacqueline, you have spoken so often of ending it all, I can't understand why this should be so difficult for you. You have only to drink a little. Yes, Jacqueline. You were always talking suicide - - of ending your life when you wanted to. +You have only to stretch out your hand, take up the glass and drink a little. It won't hurt. +Ann? Yes? +Yes? Graham Dalton. +That was quick. False alarm. +False alarm. Oh. Well, please sit down. +We... don't usually let people smoke in the house. We have a patio if you -- Oh, no problem. It can wait. +Do you have other things? Yes. Oh, you mean to bring in! No. Yes, I have some other things, no, I don't need to bring them in. This is all I need to stay here. +Yes. Oh, you mean to bring in! No. Yes, I have some other things, no, I don't need to bring them in. This is all I need to stay here. Oh. +Have you ever been on television? Television? +Television? Yes. +Yes. No. Why? +No. Why? Curious. +Graham is an unusual name. Yeah, I guess it is. My mother is a complete Anglophile, anything British makes her drool like a baby. She probably heard the name in some movie. She's a prisoner of public television now. +Yeah, I guess it is. My mother is a complete Anglophile, anything British makes her drool like a baby. She probably heard the name in some movie. She's a prisoner of public television now. Oh, uh-huh. +Oh, uh-huh. Are you uncomfortable with my appearance? +Are you uncomfortable with my appearance? No, I think you look... fine. +No, I think you look... fine. Oh. Well, maybe I'm uncomfortable with my appearance. I feel a little out of place in these surroundings. +Oh. Well, maybe I'm uncomfortable with my appearance. I feel a little out of place in these surroundings. Well... +Well... I used to take great pleasure in that, being purposefully different, rubbing people's noses in it. Didn't you do that when you were younger? +I used to take great pleasure in that, being purposefully different, rubbing people's noses in it. Didn't you do that when you were younger? No, not really. +No, not really. Oh. Well, I did. I was in a band once, and the music was always secondary to just flat out offending as many people as possible. +Oh. Well, I did. I was in a band once, and the music was always secondary to just flat out offending as many people as possible. You play an instrument? +You play an instrument? No, I was in charge of kind of standing at the microphone and reciting these really depressing lyrics in a monotone. The whole thing was really... irrelevant. How do you like being married? +No, I was in charge of kind of standing at the microphone and reciting these really depressing lyrics in a monotone. The whole thing was really... irrelevant. How do you like being married? Oh, I like it. I like it very much. +Oh, I like it. I like it very much. What about it do you like? I'm not being critical, I'd really like to know. +What about it do you like? I'm not being critical, I'd really like to know. Well... well, the cliché about the security of it, that's really true. We own a house, and I really like that, you know? And I like that John was just made junior partner, so he has a steady job and he's not some... +...free-lance. You know. Yes. So you feel security, stability. Like things are going to last awhile. +Yes. So you feel security, stability. Like things are going to last awhile. Oh, definitely. I mean, just this past year has gone by like phew! I hardly even knew it passed. +Oh, definitely. I mean, just this past year has gone by like phew! I hardly even knew it passed. Did you know that if you shut someone up in a room, and the only clock he has reference to runs two hours slow for every twenty-four, that his body will eventually adjust to that schedule? Simply because the mind honestly perceives that twenty-six hours are twenty-four, the body follows. And then there are sections of time. Your life can be broken down into the sections of time that formed your personality . For instance, when I was twelve, I had an eleven minute conversation with my father that to this day defines our relationship. Now, I'm not saying that everything happened in that specific section of time, but the events of my childhood involving my father led up to, and then were crystallized in, that eleven minutes. +Oh, uh-huh. Anyway, I think the mind is very flexible as far as time is concerned. +Anyway, I think the mind is very flexible as far as time is concerned. "You mean like ""time flies""?" +"You mean like ""time flies""?" Exactly. I would say the fact that you feel the first year of your marriage has gone by quickly means lots of things. Or could mean lots of things. +Exactly. I would say the fact that you feel the first year of your marriage has gone by quickly means lots of things. Or could mean lots of things. How long has it been since you've seen John? +How long has it been since you've seen John? Nine years. +Nine years. Nine years? +Nine years? Yes. I was surprised that he accepted when I asked if I could stay here until I found a place. +Yes. I was surprised that he accepted when I asked if I could stay here until I found a place. Why? Didn't you know him well? +Why? Didn't you know him well? I knew him very well. We were extremely close until I dropped out. +Why'd you drop out? Oh, lots of reasons, most of them boring. But, up until I dropped out, John and I were... very much alike. +Oh, lots of reasons, most of them boring. But, up until I dropped out, John and I were... very much alike. That's hard to believe. The two of you seem so different. +That's hard to believe. The two of you seem so different. I would imagine that we are, now. I think I'm ready to use the bathroom, finally. +This food is excellent. Thank you. +Mother, father, sister. Sister older or younger? +Sister older or younger? Younger. +I don't know. Who's Elizabeth? +Do I pay taxes? Of course I pay taxes, only a liar doesn't pay taxes, I'm not a liar. A liar is the second lowest form of human being. What's the first? +What's the first? Lawyers. +Would you mind? No. +No. Okay, I will!! +Maybe you'll understand this, because you know John, but he confuses me sometimes. How do you mean? +Yeah, I know. I mean, I'm not saying I know people think you're a bitch, I'm saying I know what you mean. And I don't even know that people think you're a bitch. Do they? I feel like they do. +I feel like they do. Hmm. Well, maybe you are. Really, I wouldn't pay much attention. +I know that I just don't feel a connection with very many people, so I don't waste time with people I don't feel one with. Right, right. I don't feel connected to many people, either. Other than John. +Can I tell you something personal? I feel like I can. It's something I couldn't tell John. Or wouldn't, anyway. It's up to you. But I warn you, if you tell me something personal, I might do the same. +It's up to you. But I warn you, if you tell me something personal, I might do the same. Okay. I think... I think sex is overrated. I think people place way too much importance on it. And I think that stuff about women wanting it just as bad is crap. I m not saying women don't want it, I just don't think they want it for the reason men think they do. I'm getting confused. +Do you understand what I'm trying to say? I think so. I remember reading somewhere that men learn to love what they're attracted to, whereas women become more and more attracted to the person they love. +I think so. I remember reading somewhere that men learn to love what they're attracted to, whereas women become more and more attracted to the person they love. Yes! Yes! I think that's very true. Very. +So what about kids? Kids? What about them? +Kids? What about them? Do you want them? +Do you want them? Yeah, actually, I do. But John doesn't. At least not right now. +Yeah, actually, I do. But John doesn't. At least not right now. Why is that? +Why is that? I don't know, he just said he wants to wait. I quit asking. +So what's your personal thing? Are you really going to tell me something personal? Do you want me to? +Do you want me to? As long as it's not... gross, you know? Like some scar or something. It has to be like mine, like something about you. +As long as it's not... gross, you know? Like some scar or something. It has to be like mine, like something about you. Agreed. +You're what? Impotent. +Impotent. You are? +You are? Well, let me put it this way: I cannot achieve an erection while in the presence of another person. So, for all practical purposes, I am impotent. +Does it bother you? Not usually. I mean, honestly, I haven't known many guys that could think straight with an erection, so I feel I'm way ahead of the game as far as being clear-headed goes. +Not usually. I mean, honestly, I haven't known many guys that could think straight with an erection, so I feel I'm way ahead of the game as far as being clear-headed goes. Well... are you self-conscious about it? +Well... are you self-conscious about it? I am self-conscious, but not in the same way that you are. You have got to be the most attractive self- conscious person I've ever seen. +I am self-conscious, but not in the same way that you are. You have got to be the most attractive self- conscious person I've ever seen. Why do you say I'm self-conscious? +Why do you say I'm self-conscious? Well, I've been watching you. I've watched you eat, I've watched you speak, I've watched the way you move, and I see somebody who is extremely conscious of being looked at. I think you really believe that people are looking at you all the time. And you know what? +Well, I've been watching you. I've watched you eat, I've watched you speak, I've watched the way you move, and I see somebody who is extremely conscious of being looked at. I think you really believe that people are looking at you all the time. And you know what? What? +What? They are looking at you. Ann, you are truly breathtaking. I don't know if you understand how your appearance can affect people. Men want to possess you, women wish they looked like you. And those that don't or can't resent you. And the fact that you're a nice person just makes it worse. +They are looking at you. Ann, you are truly breathtaking. I don't know if you understand how your appearance can affect people. Men want to possess you, women wish they looked like you. And those that don't or can't resent you. And the fact that you're a nice person just makes it worse. My therapist said that -- +My therapist said that -- You're in therapy? +You're in therapy? Aren't you? +Aren't you? Hah! No, I'm not. Actually, I used to be, but the therapist I had was really ineffectual in helping me deal with my problems. Of course, I lied to him constantly, so I guess I can't hold him totally responsible... +Hah! No, I'm not. Actually, I used to be, but the therapist I had was really ineffectual in helping me deal with my problems. Of course, I lied to him constantly, so I guess I can't hold him totally responsible... So you don't believe in therapy? +So you don't believe in therapy? I believe in it for some people. I mean, for me it was silly, I was confused going in. So I just formed my own personal theory that you should never take advice from someone of the opposite sex that doesn't know you intimately. +I believe in it for some people. I mean, for me it was silly, I was confused going in. So I just formed my own personal theory that you should never take advice from someone of the opposite sex that doesn't know you intimately. Well, my therapist knows me intimately. +Well, my therapist knows me intimately. You had sex with you therapist? +You had sex with you therapist? Of course not. +Of course not. Oh, see, I meant someone you've had sex with. That's part of the theory. +Oh, see, I meant someone you've had sex with. That's part of the theory. Excuse me for asking, but how would you know? +Excuse me for asking, but how would you know? Well, I wasn't always impotent. +Now, you said never take advice from someone that you don't know intimately, right? Basically, yes. +So since I've never had sex with you, by your own advice I shouldn't accept your advice. That's correct. Bit of a dilemma, isn't it? +Hi! Ann. Hello. +Ann. Hello. Are you in the middle of something? +Are you in the middle of something? Nothing I can't finish later. +Nothing I can't finish later. I just wanted to see how the place looked furnished. +I just wanted to see how the place looked furnished. Not much to see, I'm afraid. I'm sort of cultivating a minimalist vibe. +Not much to see, I'm afraid. I'm sort of cultivating a minimalist vibe. Somehow I imagined books. I thought you would have like a whole lot of books and be reading all the time. +What are these? Videotapes. +Videotapes. I can see that. What are they? +It's a personal project I'm working on. What kind of personal project? +What kind of personal project? Oh, just a personal project like anyone else's personal project. Mine's just a little more personal. +Oh, just a personal project like anyone else's personal project. Mine's just a little more personal. Who's Donna? +Who's Donna? Donna? +Donna? "Donna. On this tape it says ""Donna""." +"Donna. On this tape it says ""Donna""." Donna was a girl I knew in Florida. +Donna was a girl I knew in Florida. You went out with her? +You went out with her? Not really. +Because I enjoy interviewing women more than men. All of these are interviews? +All of these are interviews? Yes. +Yes. Can we look at one? +Can we look at one? No. +No. Why not? +Why not? Because I promised each subject that no one would look at the tape except me. +What... what are these interviews about? The... interviews are about sex, Ann. +The... interviews are about sex, Ann. About sex? +About sex? Yes. +Yes. What about sex? +What about sex? Everything about sex. +Everything about sex. Like what? +Like what? Like what they've done, what they do, what they don't do, what they want to do but are afraid to ask for, what they won't do even if asked. Anything I can think of. +Like what they've done, what they do, what they don't do, what they want to do but are afraid to ask for, what they won't do even if asked. Anything I can think of. You just ask them questions? +You just ask them questions? Yes. +Yes. And they just answer them? +And they just answer them? Mostly. Sometimes they do things. +Mostly. Sometimes they do things. To you? +To you? No, not to me, for me, for the camera. +No, not to me, for me, for the camera. I don't... why... why do you do this? +I don't... why... why do you do this? I'm sorry this came up. +I'm sorry this came up. This is just... so... +This is just... so... Maybe you want to go. +Maybe you want to go. Yes, I do. +I'm not sure why I came here. I had kind of decided not to talk to you after... you know. I know. +"John and Cynthia have been... ""fucking""." I know. +I know. You know? +You know? Yes. +Yes. How did you know? +How did you know? She said it on her tape. +She said it on her tape. Why didn't you tell me? +Why didn't you tell me? Ann, when would I have told you? We were not speaking, if you recall. +But even if we had been speaking, I wouldn't have told you. Why not? +Why not? It's not my place to tell you these things, Ann. You have to find out by yourself or from John directly. You have to trust me on this. +Do you think that's such a good idea? Don't you want to make one? +Don't you want to make one? Yes. But I sense the element of revenge here. +Yes. But I sense the element of revenge here. What difference does it make why I do it? +What difference does it make why I do it? I want you to be aware of what you're doing and why, because I know that this is not the sort of thing you would do in a normal frame of mind. +I want you to be aware of what you're doing and why, because I know that this is not the sort of thing you would do in a normal frame of mind. What would you know about a normal frame of mind? +What would you know about a normal frame of mind? That's a good question. +That's a good question. What do you have to do to get ready? +What do you have to do to get ready? Load a new tape, turn the camera on. +Load a new tape, turn the camera on. Then do it. +How do you pay for all this? I mean, rent, and tapes and this equipment. I have money. +I have money. What will you do when the money runs out? +What will you do when the money runs out? It won't. Are you ready? +It won't. Are you ready? Yes. +Tell me your name. Ann Bishop Millaney. +Tell me your name. Ann Bishop Millaney. +Ann Bishop Millaney. You are married, correct? +Do you talk to him? When we're making love? +When we're making love? Yes. +Yes. Sometimes. Afterward. +Sometimes. Afterward. Does he go down on you? +You don't know what I'm thinking. It's a simple question. Have you ever thought of having -- making love with someone other than your husband? +Is he going to see this? Absolutely not. +Did you have sex before you were married? Yes. +Yes. Did the person you made love with satisfy you more than your husband? +I don't see what difference it makes, I mean, I can think what I want. I don't know if I want to do this anymore, I'm afraid... I don't mind answering the questions so much, but if somebody were to see this... At some level, I don't understand your nervousness. Have you decided to leave John? +Yes, I have. I will. Then as far as this taping goes, you have nothing to worry about. +Then as far as this taping goes, you have nothing to worry about. I guess not. +I guess not. Do you want me to stop? +No. Are there people other than your previous lover that you have fantasized about? +Yes. Whenever... all right, look. Whenever I see a man that I think is attractive, I wonder what it would be like with him, I mean, I'm just curious, I don't act on it, but I hate that I think that!! I wish I could just forget about that stuff!! Why? +Why? Because that's how Cynthia thinks!! All she does is think about that stuff, and I hate that, I don't want to be like her, I don't want to be like her!! +Because that's how Cynthia thinks!! All she does is think about that stuff, and I hate that, I don't want to be like her, I don't want to be like her!! You're not like your sister. You couldn't be like her if you wanted to. +You're not like your sister. You couldn't be like her if you wanted to. I know. Deep down, I know that. It just bothers me, when I have feelings or impulses that she has. +So you do fantasize? Yes. +Yes. About who? +About who? I fantasized about you. +I fantasized about you. About me? +About me? Yes. +Have you fantasized about me? I thought I made that clear before, when I said I would go down on you. +I thought I made that clear before, when I said I would go down on you. I remember. You could do that, couldn't you? Go down on me? +I remember. You could do that, couldn't you? Go down on me? Yes. +Yes. If I asked you to, would you? Not on tape, I mean? +If I asked you to, would you? Not on tape, I mean? No. +No. On tape? +On tape? No. +No. Why not? +Why not? If I can't do it all, I don't want to do anything. And I can't do it all. +If I can't do it all, I don't want to do anything. And I can't do it all. Can't or won't? +Can't. You said you weren't always impotent. +You said you weren't always impotent. That's correct. +That's correct. So you have had sex. +So you have had sex. Yes. +Yes. Who was the last person you had sex with? +Who was the last person you had sex with? Her name was Elizabeth. +Her name was Elizabeth. So what happened? Was it so bad that it turned you off? +So what happened? Was it so bad that it turned you off? No, it was wonderful. That wasn't the problem. +No, it was wonderful. That wasn't the problem. What was the problem? +What was the problem? "The problem was me. I was... I was a pathological liar. Or am, I should say. Lying is like alcoholism, one is always ""recovering""." +"The problem was me. I was... I was a pathological liar. Or am, I should say. Lying is like alcoholism, one is always ""recovering""." So you lied to her? +So you lied to her? Yes. I did. Willfully and repeatedly. +Yes. I did. Willfully and repeatedly. How come? +How come? I loved her for how good she made me feel, and I hated her for how good she made me feel. And at that time, I tended to express my feelings non- verbally. I couldn't handle anyone having that much control over my emotions. +I loved her for how good she made me feel, and I hated her for how good she made me feel. And at that time, I tended to express my feelings non- verbally. I couldn't handle anyone having that much control over my emotions. And now you can? +And now you can? Now I make sure that no one has the opportunity to test me. +Now I make sure that no one has the opportunity to test me. Don't you get lonely? +Don't you get lonely? How could I, with all these nice people stopping by? The fact is that I've lived by myself for so long, I can't imagine living with another person. It's amazing what you can get used to if enough time goes by. And anyway, I'm asking the questions. Are you happy? +How could I, with all these nice people stopping by? The fact is that I've lived by myself for so long, I can't imagine living with another person. It's amazing what you can get used to if enough time goes by. And anyway, I'm asking the questions. Are you happy? I don't know anymore. I thought I was, but obviously I was wrong. +I don't know anymore. I thought I was, but obviously I was wrong. Did you confront John with the fact that you knew about him? +Did you confront John with the fact that you knew about him? Not yet. I'm not sure I will. I just want out. +Not yet. I'm not sure I will. I just want out. If you do get out of your marriage, will you continue to be inhibited? +If you do get out of your marriage, will you continue to be inhibited? I don't know. It all gets back to that Cynthia thing. I don't like her... eagerness. There's nothing left to imagine, there's no... +I don't know. It all gets back to that Cynthia thing. I don't like her... eagerness. There's nothing left to imagine, there's no... Subtlety? +Subtlety? Subtlety, yes. No subtlety. Plus, I've never really felt able to open up with anyone. I mean, that other person I told you about, I enjoyed making love with him a lot, but I still wasn't able to really let go. I always feel like I'm being watched and I shouldn't embarrass myself. +Subtlety, yes. No subtlety. Plus, I've never really felt able to open up with anyone. I mean, that other person I told you about, I enjoyed making love with him a lot, but I still wasn't able to really let go. I always feel like I'm being watched and I shouldn't embarrass myself. And you feel the same way with John? +And you feel the same way with John? Kind of. I mean, John's like this kind of... craftsman. Like he's a carpenter, and he makes really good tables. But that's all he can make, and I don't need anymore tables. +Kind of. I mean, John's like this kind of... craftsman. Like he's a carpenter, and he makes really good tables. But that's all he can make, and I don't need anymore tables. Interesting analogy. +Interesting analogy. I'm babbling. +I'm babbling. No, you're not. +No, you're not. God, I m so mad at him!! +God, I m so mad at him!! You should be. He lied to you. So did Cynthia. +You should be. He lied to you. So did Cynthia. Yeah, I know, but somehow I expect that from her, I mean, she'll do it with almost anybody, I don't know, I shouldn't stick up for her I guess, but him. He lied so... deeply!! Ooo, I want to watch him die!! +You're really never going to make love again? I'm not planning on it. +If you were in love with me, would you? I'm not in love with you. +I'm not in love with you. But if you were? +But if you were? I... I can't answer that precisely. +I... I can't answer that precisely. But I feel like maybe I could be really comfortable with you. +But I feel like maybe I could be really comfortable with you. That's very flattering. +That's very flattering. So why won't you make love with me? Why wouldn't you, I mean? +So why won't you make love with me? Why wouldn't you, I mean? Ann. Are you asking me hypothetically, or are you asking me for real, right now? +Ann. Are you asking me hypothetically, or are you asking me for real, right now? I'm asking for real. I want you to turn that camera off and make love with me. Will you? +I can't. Why not? +Why not? I've told you. +I've told you. But I don't understand -- +But I don't understand -- Ann, it could happen to me all over again, don't you see? I could start to -- +Ann, it could happen to me all over again, don't you see? I could start to -- But how do you know for sure, you have to try to find a way to fig -- +But how do you know for sure, you have to try to find a way to fig -- I couldn't face her if I had slept with somebody else. +Who? Elizabeth? Yes. +Yes. You mean you're still in contact with her? +You mean you're still in contact with her? No. +No. But you're planning to be? +But you're planning to be? I don't know. Possibly. +I don't know. Possibly. Wait a minute, wait a minute. What's going on here? Did you come back here just to see her again? +Wait a minute, wait a minute. What's going on here? Did you come back here just to see her again? Not entirely. +Not entirely. But that was part of it? +But that was part of it? Yes. +Yes. Like maybe a big part? +Like maybe a big part? Possibly. +Possibly. Graham, I mean, what do you think her reaction is going to be if you contact her? +Graham, I mean, what do you think her reaction is going to be if you contact her? I don't know. +I don't know. Look at you, look at what's happened to you, look how you've changed! Don't you think she will have changed? +Look at you, look at what's happened to you, look how you've changed! Don't you think she will have changed? I don't know. I really would rather not talk about it. +I don't know. I really would rather not talk about it. Whoa!! I'm so glad we got that on tape!! You won't answer a question about Elizabeth, but I have to answer all these intimate questions about my sex life!! Graham, what do you think she's going to make of all these videotapes? Are you going to tell her about them? I can't imagine her being too understanding about that. But since you don't lie anymore, you'll have to say something. +Whoa!! I'm so glad we got that on tape!! You won't answer a question about Elizabeth, but I have to answer all these intimate questions about my sex life!! Graham, what do you think she's going to make of all these videotapes? Are you going to tell her about them? I can't imagine her being too understanding about that. But since you don't lie anymore, you'll have to say something. As I said, I haven't decided what to do, exactly. Perhaps I won't do anything. +As I said, I haven't decided what to do, exactly. Perhaps I won't do anything. Oh, you just moved here to think about it, right? +All right, you want to talk about lies, let's talk about lies, Ann. Let's talk about lying to yourself. You haven't been able to sleep with your husband because you're no longer in love with him, and maybe you never were. You haven't been honest with yourself in longer than you can remember. Yeah, you're right. But I never claimed to know everything like you, and have all these little theories. I'm still learning, I know that. But I don't feel like I've wasted time. If I had to go through my marriage to get to where I am right now, fine. +Don't do that. Why not? +Why not? Because. +Because. """Because""? That's not good enough. I asked you a question, Graham. I asked you ""how does it feel""? How does it feel, Mr. I Want To Go Down On You But I Can't? Do you know how many people you've sucked into your weird little world? Including me? Come on, how does it feel?" +"""Because""? That's not good enough. I asked you a question, Graham. I asked you ""how does it feel""? How does it feel, Mr. I Want To Go Down On You But I Can't? Do you know how many people you've sucked into your weird little world? Including me? Come on, how does it feel?" I can't tell you like this. +I can't tell you like this. I'm just going to keep asking until you answer. I'm sure there's plenty of tape. +I'm just going to keep asking until you answer. I'm sure there's plenty of tape. "I don't find this ""turning the tables"" thing very interesting --" +"I don't find this ""turning the tables"" thing very interesting --" I don't care. +Come on!! All right!! All right!! You want to know? You want to know how I feel? I feel ashamed. Is that what you wanted to hear? +Why are you ashamed? Jesus Christ, Ann. Why is anybody anything? I think you have this idea that people are either all good or all bad, and you don't allow for any gray areas, and that's what most of us consist of. +Jesus Christ, Ann. Why is anybody anything? I think you have this idea that people are either all good or all bad, and you don't allow for any gray areas, and that's what most of us consist of. You're not answering me. +You're not answering me. Well, what kind of answer are you looking for, Ann? What is it exactly that you want to know? +Well, what kind of answer are you looking for, Ann? What is it exactly that you want to know? I want to know why you are the way you are! +I want to know why you are the way you are! "And I'm telling you it's not any one thing that I can point to and say ""That's why!"" It doesn't work that way with people who have problems, Ann, it's not that neat, it's not that tidy! It's not a series of little boxes that you can line up and count. Things just don't happen that way." +"And I'm telling you it's not any one thing that I can point to and say ""That's why!"" It doesn't work that way with people who have problems, Ann, it's not that neat, it's not that tidy! It's not a series of little boxes that you can line up and count. Things just don't happen that way." But why can't you just put it all behind you? Can't you just forget it? All that stuff you did? +But why can't you just put it all behind you? Can't you just forget it? All that stuff you did? No, Ann, I can't. I can't forget it. It's not something I can fix. It's difficult. There s something in my mind... the way my brain works... God, Ann, when you're with another person, and you're... inside them, you're so vulnerable, you're revealing so much... there's no protection. And... somebody could say, or do something to you while you're in this... state of... nakedness. And they could hurt you without even knowing it. In a way that you couldn't even see. And you would withdraw. To make sure it didn't happen again. +I want to touch you. No. +Graham... I'm okay. It's okay. +That's the first thing that ran through my mind when I saw you. I thought this is not the same man that rode the unicycle naked through the homecoming parade. You did that? +Oh, we get along okay. She's just very... she's an extrovert. I think she's loud. She probably wouldn't agree. Definitely wouldn't agree. Are you going to see Elizabeth while you're here? +Graham and I were talking about apartments and I told him to check the Garden District, there are some nice little places there, garage apartments and stuff. Stay away from the Garden District. Serious crime. I don't know what kind of place you're looking for, but there are a lot of studio-type apartments available elsewhere. +John? Mmmmm... +Mmmmm... I called you Tuesday at 3:30 and they said you weren't in. Do you remember where you were? +Tuesday. I had a late lunch. Did you see a message to call me when you got back in? +Yes. I just got busy. That's interesting, because I didn't leave a message. +Then maybe I saw an old message. There are a lot of them on my desk, you know. Who'd you have lunch with? +Who'd you have lunch with? I ate by myself. +Something wrong? Are you having an affair? +Are you having an affair? Jesus Christ, where'd that come from? I have a late lunch by myself and now I'm fucking somebody? +Jesus Christ, where'd that come from? I have a late lunch by myself and now I'm fucking somebody? Well, are you? +Well, are you? No, I'm not. Frankly, I'm offended at the accusation. +No, I'm not. Frankly, I'm offended at the accusation. If I'm right, I want to know. I don't want you to lie. I'd be very upset, but not as upset as if I'd found out you'd been lying. +If I'm right, I want to know. I don't want you to lie. I'd be very upset, but not as upset as if I'd found out you'd been lying. There's nothing to know, Ann. +There's nothing to know, Ann. I can't tell you how upset I would be if you were lying. +I can't tell you how upset I would be if you were lying. Ann, you are completely paranoid. Not ten minutes ago I wanted to make love for the first time in weeks, and you act like I'm dipped in shit. You know, I think there are a lot of women that would be glad to have a young, straight male making a pretty good living beside them in bed with a hard on. +Ann, you are completely paranoid. Not ten minutes ago I wanted to make love for the first time in weeks, and you act like I'm dipped in shit. You know, I think there are a lot of women that would be glad to have a young, straight male making a pretty good living beside them in bed with a hard on. My sister, for one. Is that who it is? +My sister, for one. Is that who it is? For God's sake, Ann, I am not fucking your sister. I don't find her that attractive, for one. +For God's sake, Ann, I am not fucking your sister. I don't find her that attractive, for one. Is that supposed to comfort me? +Is that supposed to comfort me? I was just saying, you know? I didn't get paranoid when you didn't want to make love. I could have easily assumed that you didn't want to because you were having an affair. +I was just saying, you know? I didn't get paranoid when you didn't want to make love. I could have easily assumed that you didn't want to because you were having an affair. But I'm not. +But I'm not. I'm not either!! +I'm not either!! Why don't I believe you? +Why don't I believe you? Look, this conversation is utterly ridiculous. Maybe when you have some evidence, we should talk, but don't give me conjecture and intuition. +Look, this conversation is utterly ridiculous. Maybe when you have some evidence, we should talk, but don't give me conjecture and intuition. Always the lawyer. +Always the lawyer. "Goddam right. I mean, can you imagine: ""Your honor, I'm positive this man is guilty. I can't place him at the scene or establish a motive, but I have this really strong feeling.""" +"Goddam right. I mean, can you imagine: ""Your honor, I'm positive this man is guilty. I can't place him at the scene or establish a motive, but I have this really strong feeling.""" You've made your point. +You've made your point. I'm sorry. It's just... I'm under a lot of pressure with this Kirkland thing, it's my first big case as junior partner, and I work all day, I come home, I look forward to seeing you, and... it hurts that you accuse me like that. +I'm sorry, too. I... I get these ideas in my head, you know, and I have nothing to do all day but sit around and concoct these intricate scenarios. And then I want to believe it so I don't think I've wasted the whole day. Last week I was convinced you were having an affair with Cynthia, I don't know why. I don't, either. I mean, Cynthia, of all people. She's so... +I don't, either. I mean, Cynthia, of all people. She's so... Loud. +Loud. Yeah. Jeez, give me some credit. +Yeah. Jeez, give me some credit. I didn't say it was rational, I just said I was convinced. +I didn't say it was rational, I just said I was convinced. Isn't therapy helping at all? +Isn't therapy helping at all? I don't know. Sometimes I feel stupid babbling about my little problems while children are starving in the world. +I don't know. Sometimes I feel stupid babbling about my little problems while children are starving in the world. Quitting your therapy won't feed the children of Ethiopia. +Quitting your therapy won't feed the children of Ethiopia. I know. +Jesus Christ! What the hell happened? I came home and your car was gone, the door was open, I thought for sure you'd been abducted by some mad fucker, I was literally just calling the cops when you walked in. What happened? I want out of this marriage. +I want out of this marriage. What? +What? I want out of this marriage. +I want out of this marriage. Why? +Why? We'll call it uncontested or whatever. I just want out. +Where did you go when you left here? I drove around. Then I went to talk with Graham. +Goddammit, goddammit!! That son of a bitch!! Well, at least I know you didn't fuck him. No, but I wanted to. I really wanted to, partially just to piss you off. +You're leaving me for him, aren't you? Well, that makes a sad sort of sense. He can't, and you won't. I'm not going to discuss this with you anymore. You're making no sense. +Answer me, godammit!! Did you make one of those tapes? Yes! +Goddam right. Yes. +Bastard... He does. +You son of a bitch!! Not very often. +I have thought about it, yes. You bitch. I knew it. +God damn you!! Yes. +Yes, I remember. What do you do when these moods overtake you? Nothing. I mean, nothing. I try not to do anything that will produce garbage, so obviously we're talking about eating and basic stuff like that. Did you know that the average person produces three pounds of garbage a day? +Nothing. I mean, nothing. I try not to do anything that will produce garbage, so obviously we're talking about eating and basic stuff like that. Did you know that the average person produces three pounds of garbage a day? No, I didn't. +No, I didn't. Don't you think that's a lot of garbage? I'd really like to know where it's all going to go. +Don't you think that's a lot of garbage? I'd really like to know where it's all going to go. Do you have any idea what triggered this concern? +Do you have any idea what triggered this concern? Well, this weekend John was taking out the garbage, and he kept spilling things out of the container, and I started imagining a container that grew garbage, like it just kept filling up and overflowing all by itself, and how could you stop that if it started happening? +Well, this weekend John was taking out the garbage, and he kept spilling things out of the container, and I started imagining a container that grew garbage, like it just kept filling up and overflowing all by itself, and how could you stop that if it started happening? Ann, do you see a pattern here? +Ann, do you see a pattern here? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Well, last week we talked about your obsession with the families of airline fatalities, and now we're talking about your concern over the garbage problem. +Well, last week we talked about your obsession with the families of airline fatalities, and now we're talking about your concern over the garbage problem. Yeah, so? +Yeah, so? If you think about it, I think you'll see that the object of your obsession is invariably something negative that you couldn't possibly have any control over. +If you think about it, I think you'll see that the object of your obsession is invariably something negative that you couldn't possibly have any control over. Well, do you think many people run around thinking about how happy they feel and how great things are? I mean, maybe they do, but I doubt those people are in therapy. Besides, being happy isn't all that great. My figure is always at its best when I'm depressed. The last time I was really happy I put on twenty-five pounds. I thought John was going to have a stroke. +Are you afraid of his reaction? Of his finding you silly for thinking of such things? No. I don't know. I haven't told him about the garbage thing because I'm pissed off at him right now. He's letting some old college buddy stay at our house for a couple of days, and he didn't even ask me about it. I mean, I would've said yes, I just wish he would've asked. +No. I don't know. I haven't told him about the garbage thing because I'm pissed off at him right now. He's letting some old college buddy stay at our house for a couple of days, and he didn't even ask me about it. I mean, I would've said yes, I just wish he would've asked. What upsets you about that? +What upsets you about that? I guess I'm upset because I can't really justify being upset, I mean, it's his house, really, he pays the mortgage. +I guess I'm upset because I can't really justify being upset, I mean, it's his house, really, he pays the mortgage. But he asked you to quit your job, and you do have housework. +But he asked you to quit your job, and you do have housework. Yeah, I know. +Yeah, I know. This unexpected visit notwithstanding, how are things with John? +This unexpected visit notwithstanding, how are things with John? Fine, I guess. Except right now I'm going through this where I don't want him to touch me. +When did you begin having this feeling? About a week ago. I don't know what brought it on, I just started feeling like I didn't want him to touch me. +About a week ago. I don't know what brought it on, I just started feeling like I didn't want him to touch me. Prior to this feeling, were you comfortable having physical contact with him? +Prior to this feeling, were you comfortable having physical contact with him? Oh, yeah. But see, I've never really been into sex that much, I mean, I like it and everything, it just does't freak me out, I wouldn't miss it, you know? But anyway, lately we haven't been doing anything at all. Like I said, it's not that I miss it, but I'm curious the way things kind of slacked off all of a sudden. +Perhaps he senses your hesitance at being touched. But see, he stopped before I got that feeling, that's why it seems weird to me. I mean, I'm sure he wishes I would initiate things once in awhile, and I would except it never occurs to me, I'm always thinking about something else and then the few times that I have felt like starting something I was by myself. +But see, he stopped before I got that feeling, that's why it seems weird to me. I mean, I'm sure he wishes I would initiate things once in awhile, and I would except it never occurs to me, I'm always thinking about something else and then the few times that I have felt like starting something I was by myself. Did you do anything? +What do you mean? Did you masturbate? +Did you masturbate? God, no. +God, no. I take it you've never masturbated? +I take it you've never masturbated? Well, I kind of tried once. It just seemed stupid, I kept seeing myself lying there and it seemed stupid, and kind of, uh, I don't know, and then I was wondering if my dead grandfather could see me doing this, and it just seemed like a dumb thing to be doing when we don't know what to do with all that garbage, you know? +Well, I kind of tried once. It just seemed stupid, I kept seeing myself lying there and it seemed stupid, and kind of, uh, I don't know, and then I was wondering if my dead grandfather could see me doing this, and it just seemed like a dumb thing to be doing when we don't know what to do with all that garbage, you know? So it was recently that you tried this. +So it was recently that you tried this. Well, kind of recently, I guess. But not too recently. +Well, I don't know. The week started off okay, but then I was outside watering the plants, and I started feeling dizzy from the heat and that got me thinking about the Greenhouse Effect, so I went inside and turned on the air-conditioner full blast, and that made me feel a little better until I started thinking about radon leakage coming up through the floor, and -- Radon leakage? +Radon leakage? Yes, it's this radioactive gas in the ground, and houses kind of act like magnets to pull it up, and -- you've never heard of this? +Yes, it's this radioactive gas in the ground, and houses kind of act like magnets to pull it up, and -- you've never heard of this? No, I haven't. +No, I haven't. Well, the cumulative effect is not good, let me tell you. I knew I shouldn't have watered those plants. +Well, the cumulative effect is not good, let me tell you. I knew I shouldn't have watered those plants. Did you confront John about the visitor? +Did you confront John about the visitor? What visitor? +What visitor? The friend of John's that was staying at your house. +The friend of John's that was staying at your house. Oh, Graham. No, I didn't talk to him about that. Actually, that turned out to be pretty interesting. I expected Graham to be this... well, like John, you know? I mean, he said they had gone to school together, so I was expecting lots of stories about getting drunk and secret handshakes and stuff. But he turned out to be this... this kind of character, I mean, he's kind of arty but okay, you know? +Oh, Graham. No, I didn't talk to him about that. Actually, that turned out to be pretty interesting. I expected Graham to be this... well, like John, you know? I mean, he said they had gone to school together, so I was expecting lots of stories about getting drunk and secret handshakes and stuff. But he turned out to be this... this kind of character, I mean, he's kind of arty but okay, you know? Is he still at your house? +Is he still at your house? No, he left last week. +No, he left last week. Did you find him attractive? +Did you find him attractive? What do you mean, like physically? +What do you mean, like physically? Let me rephrase. Were you attracted to him? +Let me rephrase. Were you attracted to him? I guess, but not because of the way he looked or anything. He's just so different, somebody new to have a conversation with. I'm just tired of talking to other couples about whether or not they're going to buy the station wagon, you know? It's just boring. I don't know, he was just different. And he's really on about truth a lot, being honest, and I like that, I felt comfortable around him. After he left I had a dream that he signed a lease to rent our guest room. +What brought this on? I've been thinking about it for awhile, and then I was talking to somebody who kind of put things in perspective for me. +I've been thinking about it for awhile, and then I was talking to somebody who kind of put things in perspective for me. I thought that's what I did. Who was it that you talked to? +I thought that's what I did. Who was it that you talked to? That guy Graham I told you about. He said taking advice from someone you don't know intimately was... well, he said a lot of stuff. +Ann, in life one has to be aware of hidden agendas. Did it occur to you that Graham may have his own reasons for not wanting you to be in therapy? What do you mean? I don't understand. +What do you mean? I don't understand. It's possible that Graham has hidden motives for disliking therapy and/or therapists. Perhaps he has problems of his own that he is unwilling to deal with, and he would like to see other people, you for instance, wallow in their situation just as he does. Do you think that's possible? +It's possible that Graham has hidden motives for disliking therapy and/or therapists. Perhaps he has problems of his own that he is unwilling to deal with, and he would like to see other people, you for instance, wallow in their situation just as he does. Do you think that's possible? I guess. +I guess. You understand that you are free to leave therapy at any time? +You understand that you are free to leave therapy at any time? Yes. +Yes. That you are under no obligation to me? +That you are under no obligation to me? Yes. +Yes. Do you want to leave therapy? +Do you want to leave therapy? Not really. +Not really. Do you feel there is more progress to be made? +Do you feel there is more progress to be made? Yes. +Yes. I'm glad you feel that way, because I feel that way, too. +I'm glad you feel that way, because I feel that way, too. But you don't have hidden motives for feeling that way, right? +I hate my sister. Why? +Why? Because all she thinks about are these guys she's after and I just hate her she's such a little slut I thought that in high school and I think that now. Why do people have to be so obsessed with sex all what's the big damn deal? I mean, it's okay and everything, but I don't understand when people let it control them, control their lives, why do they do that? +There are many things that can exert control over one's life, good and bad. Religion, greed, philanthropy, drugs. I know, but this... I just feel like everybody I know right now is obsessed with sex. +I don't know. He went to school here, then he was in New York for awhile, then Philadelphia, and then just kind of travelling around. Must be nice. So, what's he like, is he like John? +Must be nice. So, what's he like, is he like John? No, not at all. Actually, I don't think John likes him much anymore. He said he thought Graham had gotten strange. +Is he? Strange, I mean? Not really. Maybe if I just saw him on the street I'd have said that, but after talking to him... he's just kind of... I don't know, unusual. +Not really. Maybe if I just saw him on the street I'd have said that, but after talking to him... he's just kind of... I don't know, unusual. Uh-huh. So what's he look like? +Uh-huh. So what's he look like? Why? +Why? I just want to know what he looks like, is all. +I just want to know what he looks like, is all. Why, so you can go after him? +Why, so you can go after him? Jesus, Ann, get a life. I just asked what he looked like. +Besides, even if I decided to fuck his brains out, what business is that of yours? Do you have to say that? +Do you have to say that? What? +What? You know what. You say it just to irritate me. +You know what. You say it just to irritate me. I say it because it's descriptive. +I say it because it's descriptive. Well, he doesn't strike me as the kind of person that would go in for that sort of thing, anyway. +Well, he doesn't strike me as the kind of person that would go in for that sort of thing, anyway. Ann, you always underestimate me. +Ann, you always underestimate me. Well, I wonder why. +Well, I wonder why. I think you're afraid to put the two of us in the same room together. I think you're afraid he'll be undeniably drawn to me. +I think you're afraid to put the two of us in the same room together. I think you're afraid he'll be undeniably drawn to me. Oh, for God's sake. Really, Cynthia, really, I don't think he's your type. +Oh, for God's sake. Really, Cynthia, really, I don't think he's your type. """My type""? What is this bullshit? How would you know what ""my type"" is?" +"""My type""? What is this bullshit? How would you know what ""my type"" is?" I have a pretty good idea. +I have a pretty good idea. Ann, you don't have a clue. Look, I don't even know why we're discussing this, I'll just call him myself. +Ann, you don't have a clue. Look, I don't even know why we're discussing this, I'll just call him myself. He doesn't have a phone. +He doesn't have a phone. Well, I'll call him when he does. +Well, I'll call him when he does. But he won't. +But he won't. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? He's not getting a phone, he doesn't like talking on the phone. +He's not getting a phone, he doesn't like talking on the phone. Oh, please. Okay, so give me the Zen master's address, I'll think of a reason to stop by. +Oh, please. Okay, so give me the Zen master's address, I'll think of a reason to stop by. Let me talk to him first. +Let me talk to him first. Why? Just give me the address, you won't even have to be involved. +Why? Just give me the address, you won't even have to be involved. I don't feel right just giving you the address so that you can go over there and... +I don't feel right just giving you the address so that you can go over there and... And what? +And what? And... do whatever it is you do. +Lose something? That goddam diamond stud earring that cost me a fucking fortune. +That goddam diamond stud earring that cost me a fucking fortune. Are you getting Mom something for her birthday? +Are you getting Mom something for her birthday? I don't know, I'll get her a card or something. +I don't know, I'll get her a card or something. A card? For her fiftieth birthday? +A card? For her fiftieth birthday? What's wrong with that? +What's wrong with that? Don't you think she deserves a little more than a card? I mean, the woman gave birth to you. It's her fiftieth birthday -- +Don't you think she deserves a little more than a card? I mean, the woman gave birth to you. It's her fiftieth birthday -- Will you stop? Jesus. +Will you stop? Jesus. I just thought it might -- +I just thought it might -- Okay, Ann, okay. How about this: you buy her something nice, and I'll pay for half. All right? +Okay, Ann, okay. How about this: you buy her something nice, and I'll pay for half. All right? Fine. +Fine. Good. Now, if you'll pardon me, I have to go to work. +Good. Now, if you'll pardon me, I have to go to work. I was thinking maybe I shouldn't be in therapy anymore. +I don't... he doesn't want you to come over. What do you mean he doesn't want me to come over? Did you tell him about me? +What do you mean he doesn't want me to come over? Did you tell him about me? No, I didn't. +No, I didn't. Why not? +Why not? Because I never got around to it. +Because I never got around to it. Well, why? +Well, why? Because. Cynthia, look, John was right. Graham is strange. Very strange. You don't want to get involved with him. +Because. Cynthia, look, John was right. Graham is strange. Very strange. You don't want to get involved with him. What the hell happened over there? Did he make a pass at you? +What the hell happened over there? Did he make a pass at you? No! +No! "Then what's the story, what's this ""strange"" bullshit all of a sudden? Is he drowning puppies, or what?" +"Then what's the story, what's this ""strange"" bullshit all of a sudden? Is he drowning puppies, or what?" No, it's nothing like that. +No, it's nothing like that. Well, what? Is he dangerous? +Well, what? Is he dangerous? No, he's not dangerous. Not physically. +No, he's not dangerous. Not physically. Well, what, then? +Well, what, then? I don't want to talk about it. +I don't want to talk about it. Then why'd you call me? +Then why'd you call me? I don't know. +He just asked me questions. What kinds of questions? +What kinds of questions? Questions about sex. +Questions about sex. Well, like what did he ask, exactly? +Well, like, I don't want to tell you, exactly. Oh, so you'll let a total stranger record your sexual life on tape, but you won't tell your own sister? +Oh, so you'll let a total stranger record your sexual life on tape, but you won't tell your own sister? Apparently. +Apparently. Did he ask you to take your clothes off? +Yes, I did. Cynthia! +Cynthia! What!? +What!? Why did you do that? +Why did you do that? Because I wanted to. +Because I wanted to. But why did you want to? +But why did you want to? I wanted him to see me. +I wanted him to see me. Cynthia, who knows where that tape may end up? He could be... bouncing it off some satellite or something. Some horny old men in South America or something could be watching it. +Cynthia, who knows where that tape may end up? He could be... bouncing it off some satellite or something. Some horny old men in South America or something could be watching it. He wouldn't do that. +He wouldn't do that. You don't know that for sure. +You don't know that for sure. Well, it's too late now, isn't it? +Well, it's too late now, isn't it? Did he touch you? +Did he touch you? No, but I did. +No, but I did. You touched him? +In front of him, Ann, yes. You are in trouble. +You are in trouble. Listen to you!! You sound like Mom. What are you talking about? +Listen to you!! You sound like Mom. What are you talking about? I can't believe you did that!! +I can't believe you did that!! Why? +Why? I mean, I couldn't do that in front of John, even. +I mean, I couldn't do that in front of John, even. You couldn't do it, period. +You couldn't do it, period. You know what I mean, you don't even know him! +You know what I mean, you don't even know him! I feel like I do. +I feel like I do. That doesn't mean you do. You can't possibly trust him, he's... perverted. +That doesn't mean you do. You can't possibly trust him, he's... perverted. He's harmless. He just sits around and looks at these tapes. What's the big deal? +He's harmless. He just sits around and looks at these tapes. What's the big deal? So he's got this catalogue of women touching themselves? That doesn't make you feel weird? +So he's got this catalogue of women touching themselves? That doesn't make you feel weird? No. I don't think they all did what I did. +No. I don't think they all did what I did. You are in serious trouble. +You are in serious trouble. Ann, I don't understand why this freaks you out so much. You didn't do it, I did, and if it doesn't bother me, why should it bother you? +Ann, I don't understand why this freaks you out so much. You didn't do it, I did, and if it doesn't bother me, why should it bother you? I don't want to discuss it. +I don't want to discuss it. Then why do you keep asking about it? +Here it is. What is it? +What is it? It's a sun dress. +It's a sun dress. It looks like a tablecloth. +It looks like a tablecloth. It does not. +I was just trying to -- Hold on. +So what's my share of the dress? Thirty-two dollars. +Thank you. Well. I can't stay. +Do you have my work number? No. +I get real busy between two and four. Okay. +Bye. Bye. +Did he ask me to take my clothes off? No, he didn't. Did you take your clothes off? +No, I touched me. Wait a minute. Do you mean... don't tell me you... in front of him. +I wish you'd get an answering machine. There's a phone here. +There's a phone here. It was busy. +Well, why would she want a sun dress? She's got spots on her shoulders and varicose veins. So will you, someday. +Who are you? I'm Cynthia Bishop. +I'm Cynthia Bishop. Do I know you? +Do I know you? I'm Ann Millaney's sister. +I'm Ann Millaney's sister. The extrovert. +The extrovert. She must have been in a good mood when she said that. She usually calls me loud. +She must have been in a good mood when she said that. She usually calls me loud. She called you that, too. May I ask why you're here? +She called you that, too. May I ask why you're here? You want me to leave? +You want me to leave? I just want to know why you're here. +I just want to know why you're here. Well, like I said, Ann is my sister. Sisters talk. You can imagine the rest. +Well, like I said, Ann is my sister. Sisters talk. You can imagine the rest. No, I really can't. I find it healthy never to characterize people I don't know or conversations I haven't heard. I don't know what you and your sister discussed about me or anything else. Last time I saw Ann she left here very... confused, I would say. And upset. +No, I really can't. I find it healthy never to characterize people I don't know or conversations I haven't heard. I don't know what you and your sister discussed about me or anything else. Last time I saw Ann she left here very... confused, I would say. And upset. She still is. +She still is. And are you here to berate me for making her that way? +And are you here to berate me for making her that way? Nope. +Nope. She didn't tell you why she was upset? +She didn't tell you why she was upset? Nope. +Nope. She didn't give you my address? +She didn't give you my address? Nope. +Nope. How did you find me? +How did you find me? I, uh, know a guy at the power company. +I, uh, know a guy at the power company. I don't understand. Why did you want to come here? I mean, I can't imagine Ann painted a very flattering portrait of me. +I don't understand. Why did you want to come here? I mean, I can't imagine Ann painted a very flattering portrait of me. Well, I don't really listen to her when it comes to men. I mean, look at John, for crissake. Oh, you went to school with him didn't you? You're probably friends or something. +Well, I don't really listen to her when it comes to men. I mean, look at John, for crissake. Oh, you went to school with him didn't you? You're probably friends or something. Nope. I think the man is a liar. +Nope. I think the man is a liar. I think you're right. So come on, I came all the way over here to find out what got Ann so spooked, tell me what happened. +I think you're right. So come on, I came all the way over here to find out what got Ann so spooked, tell me what happened. Spooked. +Oh, okay. I think I get it. What do you get? +What do you get? Well, they must be something sexual, because Ann gets freaked out by that shit. Are these tapes of you having sex with these girls or something? +Well, they must be something sexual, because Ann gets freaked out by that shit. Are these tapes of you having sex with these girls or something? Not exactly. +Not exactly. Well, either you are or you aren't. Which is it? +Well, either you are or you aren't. Which is it? Why don't you let me tape you? +Why don't you let me tape you? Doing what? +Doing what? Talking. +Talking. About what? +About what? Sex. Your sexual history, your sexual preferences. +Sex. Your sexual history, your sexual preferences. What makes you think I'd discuss that with you? +What makes you think I'd discuss that with you? Nothing. +Nothing. You just want to ask me questions? +You just want to ask me questions? I just want to ask you questions. +I just want to ask you questions. And that's all? +And that's all? That's all. +That's all. Is this how you get off or something? Taping women talking about their sexual experiences? +Is this how you get off or something? Taping women talking about their sexual experiences? Yes. +Yes. Would anybody else see the tape? +Would anybody else see the tape? Absolutely not. They are for my private use only. +Absolutely not. They are for my private use only. How do we start? +How do we start? I turn on the camera. You start talking. +I turn on the camera. You start talking. And you ask questions, right? +And you ask questions, right? Yes. +Yes. How long will it take? +How long will it take? That depends on you. One woman only used three minutes. Another filled up three two hour tapes. +That depends on you. One woman only used three minutes. Another filled up three two hour tapes. Can I see some of the other tapes to get an idea of what -- +Can I see some of the other tapes to get an idea of what -- No. +No. Do I sit or stand? +Do I sit or stand? Whichever you prefer. +Whichever you prefer. I'd rather sit. Are you ready? +I'd rather sit. Are you ready? Just a moment. +I am now recording. Tell me your name. Cynthia Patrice Bishop. +Cynthia Patrice Bishop. Describe for me your first sexual experience. +Describe for me your first sexual experience. My first sexual experience or the first time I had intercourse? +My first sexual experience or the first time I had intercourse? Your first sexual experience. +Your first sexual experience. "I was... eight years old. Michael Green, who was also eight, asked if he could watch me take a pee. I said he could if I could watch him take one, too. He said okay, and then we went into the woods behind our house. I got this feeling he was chickening out because he kept saying, ""Ladies first!"" So I pulled down my underpants and urinated, and he ran away before I even finished." +"I was... eight years old. Michael Green, who was also eight, asked if he could watch me take a pee. I said he could if I could watch him take one, too. He said okay, and then we went into the woods behind our house. I got this feeling he was chickening out because he kept saying, ""Ladies first!"" So I pulled down my underpants and urinated, and he ran away before I even finished." Was it ever a topic of conversation between the two of you afterward? +Was it ever a topic of conversation between the two of you afterward? No. He kind of avoided me for the rest of the summer, and then his family moved away. To Cleveland, actually. +No. He kind of avoided me for the rest of the summer, and then his family moved away. To Cleveland, actually. How unfortunate. So when did you finally get to see a penis? +How unfortunate. So when did you finally get to see a penis? When I was fourteen. +When I was fourteen. Live, or in a photograph or film of some sort? +Live, or in a photograph or film of some sort? Very much live. +Very much live. What did you think? Did it look like you expected? +What did you think? Did it look like you expected? Not really. I didn't picture it with veins or ridges or anything, I thought it would be smooth, like a test tube. +Not really. I didn't picture it with veins or ridges or anything, I thought it would be smooth, like a test tube. Were you disappointed? +Were you disappointed? No. If anything, after I looked at it awhile, it got more interesting. It had character, you know? +No. If anything, after I looked at it awhile, it got more interesting. It had character, you know? What about when you touched it? What did you expect it to feel like, and then what did it really feel like? +What about when you touched it? What did you expect it to feel like, and then what did it really feel like? It was warmer than I thought it would be, and the skin was softer than it looked. It's weird. Thinking about it now, the organ itself seemed like a separate thing, a separate entity to me. I mean, after he pulled it out and I could look at it and touch it, I completely forgot that there was a guy attached to it. I remember literally being startled when the guy spoke to me. +It was warmer than I thought it would be, and the skin was softer than it looked. It's weird. Thinking about it now, the organ itself seemed like a separate thing, a separate entity to me. I mean, after he pulled it out and I could look at it and touch it, I completely forgot that there was a guy attached to it. I remember literally being startled when the guy spoke to me. What did he say? +What did he say? He said that my hand felt good. +He said that my hand felt good. Then what happened? +Then what happened? Then I started moving my hand, and then he stopped talking. +Would you like me to take my pants off? If you wish. You're not wearing any underwear. +If you wish. You're not wearing any underwear. Do you like the way I look? +Do you like the way I look? Yes. +Yes. Do you think I'm pretty? +Do you think I'm pretty? Yes. +Yes. Prettier than Ann? +Prettier than Ann? Different. +John doesn't have sex with Ann anymore. Is that what he tells you? +Is that what he tells you? He doesn't have to tell me. +Hello. Hi. +Look, I'm just going to come right out and tell you why I'm here, okay? Okay. +Okay. I'd like to make another tape. +No. No? Not even one more? +No? Not even one more? I never do more than one. I'm sorry. +I never do more than one. I'm sorry. I can't talk you into it? +I can't talk you into it? No. You'll have to get somebody else. +No. You'll have to get somebody else. Now who the hell is going to do that for me? +Now who the hell is going to do that for me? I'm sure a substantial number of men in this town would volunteer. +I'm sure a substantial number of men in this town would volunteer. But I want you to do it, I want somebody who will ask the right questions and everything, somebody I can play to and feel safe because you can't do anything. +But I want you to do it, I want somebody who will ask the right questions and everything, somebody I can play to and feel safe because you can't do anything. Ouch. Okay, I deserved that. Cynthia, don't you understand? After the first time it's just not spontaneous. There's no edge anymore. Look at the tapes, there is only one date on each label. I have never taped anyone twice. +Ouch. Okay, I deserved that. Cynthia, don't you understand? After the first time it's just not spontaneous. There's no edge anymore. Look at the tapes, there is only one date on each label. I have never taped anyone twice. So make an exception. +So make an exception. No. +No. How about if you record over the one we already made? You could have the same date and not use another tape. Who would know? +How about if you record over the one we already made? You could have the same date and not use another tape. Who would know? I would. +I would. Well, what the hell am I supposed to do? +Well, what the hell am I supposed to do? Cynthia, I don't know. +Cynthia, I don't know. I can't believe you're doing this after I let you tape me. +I can't believe you're doing this after I let you tape me. I'm sorry. I can't do it. +I'm sorry. I can't do it. Goddamit, give me my tape, then. +Goddamit, give me my tape, then. No. +I've got to get back to the office. I only get one today? Gee, how exciting. +I can't let my lunch hour go on too long. I've already skipped one meeting. Don't give me this passive/aggressive bullshit. If you want to leave, leave. My life doesn't stop when you walk out the door, you know what I'm saying? +I have a friend coming in from out of town, I'll probably be spending some time with him the next couple of days. Meaning we'll have to cool it for awhile, right? +Meaning we'll have to cool it for awhile, right? Right. +I wish you'd quit that bartending job. Why? +Why? I hate the thought of guys hitting on you all the time. +I hate the thought of guys hitting on you all the time. I can handle it. Besides, the money is good and some of the guys are cute. And you are in no position to be jealous. +I can handle it. Besides, the money is good and some of the guys are cute. And you are in no position to be jealous. Who said I was jealous? +Who said I was jealous? I did. +I wish I could tell everybody that Ann's a lousy lay. Beautiful, popular, Ann Bishop Millaney. Could be risky. +Could be risky. Well, maybe I could just start a rumor, then. +Well, maybe I could just start a rumor, then. No, I mean doing it at my house. +No, I mean doing it at my house. Afraid of getting caught? +Afraid of getting caught? Maybe. +Maybe. You should be. Can I meet this friend of yours? +You should be. Can I meet this friend of yours? Cynthia, I don't think you want to, I mean, you should see the way he dresses. I really think he's in a bad way. +Cynthia, I don't think you want to, I mean, you should see the way he dresses. I really think he's in a bad way. I'm intrigued. +I'm intrigued. You're intrigued? +You're intrigued? Sure. Maybe he's the man I'm looking for. Then I won't have to fuck worried husbands all the time. +Hello. Cynthia. John. Meet me at my house in exactly one hour. +Cynthia. John. Meet me at my house in exactly one hour. You are scum. I'll be there. +John? In here!! +Hello. Cynthia. John. +Cynthia. John. Not today. I've got other plans. +Not today. I've got other plans. Oh. Well, when, then? +Oh. Well, when, then? How about inviting me over to dinner? +How about inviting me over to dinner? You know what I mean. +You know what I mean. Yeah, I know what you mean. +John Millaney. I want to see you. +I want to see you. When? +When? Right now. +Right now. Jesus, I don't know if I can get away. I've got a client waiting. I'd have to do some heavy duty juggling. +Jesus, I don't know if I can get away. I've got a client waiting. I'd have to do some heavy duty juggling. Then get those balls in the air and get your butt over here. +Hello. Cynthia. John. +Cynthia. John. Well, this is timely. Your wife is here, would you like to speak to her? +Well, this is timely. Your wife is here, would you like to speak to her? She's there? What's she doing there? +I don't know. I'm not sure I can duplicate the level of intensity I had the other day. Nothing wrong with trying. +Nothing wrong with trying. I don't think my sister would agree. +Do you want me to stop calling? Look, I'll call you, okay? +It's just so blatantly stupid, I have a hard time believing you did it. What's so stupid about it? +What's so stupid about it? That you... you don't even know the guy. +That you... you don't even know the guy. Well, you know him, he's a friend of yours, do you think he can be trusted? +Well, you know him, he's a friend of yours, do you think he can be trusted? Shit, after what you've told me, I don't know. I should've known, when he showed up dressed like some arty brat. +Shit, after what you've told me, I don't know. I should've known, when he showed up dressed like some arty brat. I like the way he dresses. +I like the way he dresses. What if this tape gets into the wrong hands? +What if this tape gets into the wrong hands? """The wrong hands""? We're not talking about military secrets, John. They're just tapes that he makes so he can sit around and get off." +"""The wrong hands""? We're not talking about military secrets, John. They're just tapes that he makes so he can sit around and get off." Jesus Christ. And he doesn't have sex with any of them? They just talk? +Jesus Christ. And he doesn't have sex with any of them? They just talk? Right. +Right. Jesus. I could almost understand it if he was screwing these people, almost. Why doesn't he just buy some magazines or porno movies or something? +Jesus. I could almost understand it if he was screwing these people, almost. Why doesn't he just buy some magazines or porno movies or something? Doesn't work. He has to know the people, he has to be able to interact with them. +Doesn't work. He has to know the people, he has to be able to interact with them. Interact, fine, but did you have to masturbate in front of him, for God's sake? I mean... +I felt like it, so what? Goddam, you and Ann make such a big deal out of it. You told Ann about this? +You told Ann about this? Of course. She is my sister. I tell her almost everything. +Of course. She is my sister. I tell her almost everything. I wish you hadn't done that. +I wish you hadn't done that. Why not? +Why not? It's just something I'd prefer she didn't know about. +It's just something I'd prefer she didn't know about. She's a grown-up, she can handle it. +She's a grown-up, she can handle it. I just... Ann is very... +I just... Ann is very... Hung up. +Hung up. It just wasn't a smart thing to do. Did you sign any sort of paper, or did he have any contract with you saying he wouldn't broadcast these tapes? +It just wasn't a smart thing to do. Did you sign any sort of paper, or did he have any contract with you saying he wouldn't broadcast these tapes? No. +No. You realize you have no recourse legally? This stuff could show up anywhere. +You realize you have no recourse legally? This stuff could show up anywhere. It won't. I trust him. +It won't. I trust him. You trust him. +You trust him. Yeah, I do. A helluva lot more than I trust you. +Yeah, I do. A helluva lot more than I trust you. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Exactly what I said. I'd trust him before I'd trust you. How much clearer can I be? +Exactly what I said. I'd trust him before I'd trust you. How much clearer can I be? It hurts that you would say that to me. +It hurts that you would say that to me. Oh, please. Come on, John. You're fucking your wife's sister and you hardly been married a year. You're a liar. But at least I know you're a liar. It's the people that don't know, like Ann, that have to watch out. +Oh, please. Come on, John. You're fucking your wife's sister and you hardly been married a year. You're a liar. But at least I know you're a liar. It's the people that don't know, like Ann, that have to watch out. By definition you're lying to Ann, too. +By definition you're lying to Ann, too. "That's right. But I never took a vow in front of God and everybody to be ""faithful"" to my sister." +"That's right. But I never took a vow in front of God and everybody to be ""faithful"" to my sister." Look, are we going to do it or not? +Look, are we going to do it or not? Actually, no, I've changed my mind. I shouldn't have called. +Actually, no, I've changed my mind. I shouldn't have called. Well, I'm here now. I'd like to do something... +Well, I'm here now. I'd like to do something... How about straightening up the living room? +Come on, John. You should be happy, we've gone this far without Ann finding out, I'm making it real easy on you. Just walk out of here and I'll see you at your house for a family dinner sometime. Did he put you up to this? +Did he put you up to this? Who? +Who? Graham. +Graham. No, he didn't put me up to this. Jesus, I don't need people to tell me what I should do. I've just been thinking about things, that's all. +No, he didn't put me up to this. Jesus, I don't need people to tell me what I should do. I've just been thinking about things, that's all. I can't believe I let him stay in my house. Right under my nose. That deviant fucker was right under my nose and I didn't see him. +I can't believe I let him stay in my house. Right under my nose. That deviant fucker was right under my nose and I didn't see him. If he had been under your prick you'd have spotted him for sure. +If he had been under your prick you'd have spotted him for sure. God, you... you're mean. +God, you... you're mean. I know. Will you please leave now? +I know. Will you please leave now? Maybe I don't want to leave. Maybe I want to talk. +Maybe I don't want to leave. Maybe I want to talk. John, we have nothing to talk about. +John, we have nothing to talk about. I knew it, I knew it. Things are getting complicated. +I knew it, I knew it. Things are getting complicated. No, John, things are getting real simple. +Plenty of room for two people. It'll just be me. +It'll just be me. Student? +Student? No. You said three-fifty? +No. You said three-fifty? Plus first and last month deposit. +Plus first and last month deposit. Will you lease month-to-month? +Will you lease month-to-month? Not for three-fifty. +Not for three-fifty. How about for five hundred? +Everybody has a past. What do you think the Greeks would make of that outfit you're wearing? +What do you think the Greeks would make of that outfit you're wearing? A bonfire, probably. +Yeah, it's not bad. Usually Ann has some serious salt action going. I keep telling her, you can always add more if you want, but you can't take it out. You have family here also? +I'm sorry. Am I prying again? You were prying before? +You were prying before? Yes, this afternoon. I was grilling Ann about your marriage this afternoon. +Yes, this afternoon. I was grilling Ann about your marriage this afternoon. Really. How'd it go? +Really. How'd it go? She held up very well. +I wish I didn't have to live someplace. What do you mean? +Get rid of the car when you get your apartment, then you'll still have one key. I like having the car, the car is important. +I like having the car, the car is important. Especially if you want to leave someplace in a hurry. +Especially if you want to leave someplace in a hurry. Or go someplace in a hurry. +Hi, John. Where are the tapes, Graham? +Where are the tapes, Graham? What tapes? +What tapes? You know which tapes! Where are they? +You know which tapes! Where are they? John, as a lawyer, you should know that those tapes are private property. +John, as a lawyer, you should know that those tapes are private property. So is my wife, asshole!! +So is my wife, asshole!! She's not property, John, she's a person. Were you just going to keep right on lying to her? +She's not property, John, she's a person. Were you just going to keep right on lying to her? What the hell do you think? I love Ann. You think I'm going to tell her about Cynthia and hurt her feelings like that? +What the hell do you think? I love Ann. You think I'm going to tell her about Cynthia and hurt her feelings like that? God, you need help. +God, you need help. I need help? Whose sitting by himself in a room choking his chauncey to a bunch of videotapes, Graham? Not me, buddy. You're the fucking nut. Now show me those tapes. +I need help? Whose sitting by himself in a room choking his chauncey to a bunch of videotapes, Graham? Not me, buddy. You're the fucking nut. Now show me those tapes. No. +No. I'm not kidding, Graham, you'd better do what I say. Give me those tapes. +I'm not kidding, Graham, you'd better do what I say. Give me those tapes. No. +Graham, I swear to Christ I'll kill your scrawny ass. Now give me those tapes. No. +Give me your keys. My keys? +Your keys, asshole!! Your two fucking keys!! Give them to me!! I'm not going to give you my keys. +Have you ever wanted to make love to someone other than your husband? Goddamit... +Answer him, goddammit!! You're hesitating. I think that means you have. +You're hesitating. I think that means you have. Shut up!!! +IBM. Brian Kirkland, please. +Brian Kirkland, please. May I ask who's calling? +May I ask who's calling? John Millaney. +John Millaney. One moment. +One moment. Anyway, I've always said, the work is the thing. I can be happy without a marriage, but take away my work, that's different. And if Ann can't handle that, that's her problem, like we re all alone in this world, you know what I'm saying? I mean, fuck. Jesus, what's takin' this guy? +Mr. Millaney? Yes? +Yes? Mr. Kirkland has asked me to inform you that he has obtained legal representation elsewhere, and that if you have a message for him to leave it with me. +Mr. Millaney? Yeah. +Yeah. Mr. Forman would like to see you in his office. +Mr. Forman would like to see you in his office. Okay, in a minute, I'm on with a client. +Okay, in a minute, I'm on with a client. He said immediately. +He said immediately. All right, jesus. +...probably nothing at all. It's probably just a bunch of, I don't know, fatty cysts. You can have them removed in a doctor's office. Has Nick seen a doctor? He hates doctors. Doctors and lawyers. He never goes to doctors. +He hates doctors. Doctors and lawyers. He never goes to doctors. Well, look. How's this? You go on down to the clinic and tell that nice Dr. St. Luc... ...you tell him that Nick's ill, he's got these lumps, and he can't get out of bed. Tell him to come when you're sure Nick'll be home. And don't tell Nick anything. Let the two of them fight it out. +Well, look. How's this? You go on down to the clinic and tell that nice Dr. St. Luc... ...you tell him that Nick's ill, he's got these lumps, and he can't get out of bed. Tell him to come when you're sure Nick'll be home. And don't tell Nick anything. Let the two of them fight it out. He'll be really mad. +He'll be really mad. So? You'll find out what's wrong and then you'll be able to relax a little bit. Let him be the uptight one for a change. +Hi. Hi. Want a drink? +Hi. Want a drink? No thanks. Just wanted to tell you that Dr. St. Luc is coming up to see Nick at ten or so. +No thanks. Just wanted to tell you that Dr. St. Luc is coming up to see Nick at ten or so. Was he nice to you? +Oh, you feel very good, Betts. You have such a cosy body. I'm jealous, I'm so skinny. Make love to me, 'Nine? I want you to make love to me. Please, please make love to me. +C'mon, let's smoke one of the cigarettes right now. Your father'll never miss it. I can't, dummy. He'll see that the pack's been opened. You're such a dumbhead. +I can't, dummy. He'll see that the pack's been opened. You're such a dumbhead. OK, then. I'm gonna go back to the store and buy my own pack and smoke 'em all myself. +OK, then. I'm gonna go back to the store and buy my own pack and smoke 'em all myself. Buy 'em with what, dumbhead? +Buy 'em with what, dumbhead? With some milk jugs I just happened to pick up on the way home. +Jesus! Let's get outta here before somebody hears us! +Dr. St. Luc? Detective-Sergeant Heller. I'd like to ask you a few questions. Sure. +Sure. You're the one who found the bodies? +You're the one who found the bodies? Yes. +Yes. Did you touch anything? Move anything before we got here? +Did you touch anything? Move anything before we got here? No, nothing. +No, nothing. You knew these people? +You knew these people? I knew the man, Emil Hobbes, a doctor and a professor at university. I saw the girl around the building but I didn't know her. She never came to the clinic. +I knew the man, Emil Hobbes, a doctor and a professor at university. I saw the girl around the building but I didn't know her. She never came to the clinic. So you just came up to visit this Hobbes and you found them like that? +So you just came up to visit this Hobbes and you found them like that? Oh, no. I haven't seen Dr. Hobbes since I was in medical school. He taught me... he was my prof in urology and... I think he conducted a few seminars in psychopharmacology. That was it. I had no idea he'd ever set foot in Starliner Towers until today. +Oh, no. I haven't seen Dr. Hobbes since I was in medical school. He taught me... he was my prof in urology and... I think he conducted a few seminars in psychopharmacology. That was it. I had no idea he'd ever set foot in Starliner Towers until today. I see. Then what brought you up here? +It was very strange. He called me at six this morning. Hobbes called me. I thought I was dreaming. I haven't heard that voice for so long. He told me who it was, then he said something like, 'Meet me at apartment 1208 at noon. I want you to go out for lunch with me. It's time you furthered your education.' Then he laughed and hung up. I went back to sleep. He called me again at eight to remind me to come. How did he sound this time? Was he nervous? Depressed? +How did he sound this time? Was he nervous? Depressed? He sounded fine. +And that was her. Annabelle Horse... field. Far as I know, yeah, that was her. +Is that the man who called you up here? Yeah, that's Dr. St. Luc. He's the head of our little medical clinic here. +Yeah, that's Dr. St. Luc. He's the head of our little medical clinic here. Medical clinic? +Medical clinic? Yeah. This is an island, you know? Takes too long to get into the city. We gotta have everything right here or somebody complains. +Yeah. This is an island, you know? Takes too long to get into the city. We gotta have everything right here or somebody complains. Well, let's go talk to your doctor. +Mrs. Ementhal's ready and waiting, Doctor. Mm? OK. Be with you in a sec. +OK, Roger. Here's the stuff you wanted. Files on Horsefield, Tudor, Swinburne, and Velakofsky. Papers published by Hobbes, Linsky, and Lefebvre in a couple of issues of the Bulletin of the Canadian Medical Association and also the Journal of the American Medical Association. And, as an added extra, a couple of odds and ends from the files I helped compile before your time here, Doctor. I thought they might interest you. That's great, Forsythe, great. Thanks. +That's great, Forsythe, great. Thanks. Do I get a kiss? +Kiss, kiss? Uh, OK. Sure. +Another kiss? C'mon, Forsythe. Are there any more on the list? +C'mon, Forsythe. Are there any more on the list? No. Dotty's the last. +Roger? If you're going to be staying here anyway, why don't you come up to my place for a late supper? Meeting Rollo at Tudor's. Might take a while. +Meeting Rollo at Tudor's. Might take a while. Doesn't matter to me how late it is. I can keep it warm. +Anything wrong? No. I don't think so. +No. I don't think so. Well? Supper at my place? +Well? Supper at my place? OK. But late. +OK. But late. Great! Go back to your files. Bye. +Forsythe, Forsythe! What's wrong? What's happened? A man... I think I recognized him... a man who lives here. He just... ...he just attacked me for no reason at all. I just opened the door... I was making supper for you, and he grabbed me, he tried to kiss me... +Where is he now? Do you know? I think I... I think I killed him. I stabbed him with something and he fell. +I think I... I think I killed him. I stabbed him with something and he fell. Will you be OK now? I've got to go to your place to see if he's still there. I've got to see if it's... if it's what we both think it is. +Will you be OK now? I've got to go to your place to see if he's still there. I've got to see if it's... if it's what we both think it is. Oh, no! You're not leaving me here all alone. I'm going with you. +But where are you going? Down to the incinerator. +Can I call you at the office? What do you want to call me at the office for? +What do you want to call me at the office for? I don't know. I just thought I might want to call you. I don't know. +I don't know. I just thought I might want to call you. I don't know. I won't be at the office except to sign in. I've got a lot of claims to check out. All over the place. Garages and more garages. I'll come home right after work. +You say something? Nope. Damned thing wriggled out of my hands. That's all. +Do you want to make love? You're absolutely beautiful, those eyes, that expression. You're absolutely the most sexy thing alive. Do you want to make love? Nick, you're so strange... +You will make love to me, won't you, Janine? Won't you make love to me? You start it. Won't you? I think I've forgotten how to start. Oh, Nick, Nick... I can't take this. +Oh, Nick, Nick... I can't take this. Please, Janine. Please, pleasepleaseplease, Janine Janine JanineJanineJanine... +Make love to me, make love to me, love, love to me... I want to be able to see us, Nick. I... I'm going to go into the bathroom now and put in my contacts, OK? Is that OK? I want to be able to see us when we make love, OK? +What happened? Please pardon me. I am Niccolo Spergazzi. I am a resident here. I don't know... we were walking in the hallway and... Cabiria... my wife... she was attacked by this thing... here, on her arm. +Where is this thing that attacked your wife? I hit it. I hit it with my cane. Then I carry it on the cane and I throw it down to the incinerator, down to the garbage. +Go back to their apartment with them and treat her for second-degree burns. It'll have to do for now. What's your number? The number of your apartment? We live in 703. +We live in 703. OK. I'll meet you back there. Don't leave until I get there. Lock the door and don't open it except for me. OK? +Yes? Who is there? It's Dr. St. Luc, Mr Spergazzi. Let me speak to the nurse, please. +It's Dr. St. Luc, Mr Spergazzi. Let me speak to the nurse, please. Oh, but the nurse, she went away. I think she must go to look for you. +Want me to breathe deeply? Just breathe normally. +Good shape for an old man, eh? Mr. Parkins, what makes you think you caught these lumps of yours from a young lady? +Mr. Parkins, what makes you think you caught these lumps of yours from a young lady? She had a couple just like them. Right here near her belly button. You could push 'em around. I thought they were kinda sexy, myself. +She had a couple just like them. Right here near her belly button. You could push 'em around. I thought they were kinda sexy, myself. Didn't she ever have these lumps looked at by a doctor? +Didn't she ever have these lumps looked at by a doctor? Didn't seem worried about them. +Didn't seem worried about them. Was this girl from Starliner Towers? +Was this girl from Starliner Towers? Yep. She lived in 1208. But we usually went to my place. Bigger liquor cabinet, bigger bed. She was gone when I got back from my last Florida trip. Too bad. Had a beautiful tan. Must have gone home to mother. +Yep. She lived in 1208. But we usually went to my place. Bigger liquor cabinet, bigger bed. She was gone when I got back from my last Florida trip. Too bad. Had a beautiful tan. Must have gone home to mother. Was her name Annabelle Horsefield? +Was her name Annabelle Horsefield? That's the one. +I'm going to send you to the hospital to have a few X-rays taken. I want to find out exactly what you're hiding in there, OK? Give them this. The address is right there under Radiology. Gonna cut me open? +Gonna cut me open? Well, let's wait for the X-rays. +Well, let's wait for the X-rays. Used to know a doctor who said he got to know his patients better than their wives did. Cutting a man open sure does expose more of him than pulling down his pants, gotta admit that. +Not exactly the kind of lunch Hobbes would have laid on you, Rog, but it's all I got, and... ...all I got I share with you. Go ahead. Take all you want. You touch my spleen, Rollo. And here all the time I was thinking -- if I ever bothered to think about the good old days -- well, at least there's Rollo. He's in VD and he's happy. +You touch my spleen, Rollo. And here all the time I was thinking -- if I ever bothered to think about the good old days -- well, at least there's Rollo. He's in VD and he's happy. I'm still a VD man under the skin, Rog. You know me. I'm a down-to-earth kinda guy, right? +I'm still a VD man under the skin, Rog. You know me. I'm a down-to-earth kinda guy, right? Well, at least you still talk the same. +Well, at least you still talk the same. So who changes? +So who changes? But you gave up your private practice. Suddenly you're into pure research and you... you're what, a parasitologist? +But you gave up your private practice. Suddenly you're into pure research and you... you're what, a parasitologist? That was my father's idea... private practice. He wanted to set me up -- I couldn't say no. But he's dead now. And me, I'm still a snoop, I gotta do research. Look at that beautiful stuff... ...lookit it! +I know. You're bored already. Transplants are yesterday's kishkas, right? Did I say anything? +Did I say anything? Look. You got men, you got parasites that live in, on, and around men. Now. Why not breed a parasite that does something useful? Eh? Why not breed a parasite capable of taking over the function of any one of a bunch of human organs? Why not, for example, a parasite living in the human abdominal cavity that plugs into the circulatory system and filters the blood like a kidney? If it takes a little blood for itself, so what? Be generous! You can afford it. +You put the bug into the body of a man with a diseased kidney, the bug attacks the bad kidney, dissolves it, it's assimilated by the body, and now you got a perfectly good parasite where you used to have a rotten kidney. I know what you're gonna say. You're gonna say it's crazy. It's crazy. +Right. It's crazy. But here's the beauty part. Ready? Who cares? I don't get it. +I don't get it. You know and I know that Hobbes was a lousy teacher, eh? Lousy. Dry, academic, afraid of women, lousy. But he was always a genius at one thing -- getting grants. Could he get grants for crazy projects? +Rog, I gotta talk serious to you. Really. Listen. Ya listening? OK. I want you to come into this with me. To tell the honest-to-God truth, I'm lonely. All Hobbes ever did was run around getting money and phone me in the middle of the night. He wanted you in anyway. That's why we were gonna get together, the three of us. We would have enough to keep us going for at least five years, even with inflation. Rollo, you know me. Once a GP, always a GP. +Rollo, you know me. Once a GP, always a GP. You want to help sick people for the rest of your life? God forbid I should talk you out of it. +You want to help sick people for the rest of your life? God forbid I should talk you out of it. You oughta be careful yourself. Might end up cutting your throat. +You oughta be careful yourself. Might end up cutting your throat. It was women did it to Hobbes. Couldn't handle them. That girl, that Annabelle -- talk about crazy projects. +It was women did it to Hobbes. Couldn't handle them. That girl, that Annabelle -- talk about crazy projects. Who was she? +Who was she? Aw, he met her when he was lecturing at some private girls' school. They caught him examining her little tits for breast cancer in the faculty lounge. She was twelve. Don't ask. It was craziness, believe me. They used to come here sometimes. Don't ask. +But you'll think about what I said about working together, huh? OK. I'll think about it. +Yes? That you, Rog? +That you, Rog? Yes? +Yes? It's me, Rollo Linsky. Remember me? +It's me, Rollo Linsky. Remember me? Rollo! How'sa boy? I was just thinking about you. +Yeah, well, I'm flattered, but you won't find any real meat in them. No? How come? +No? How come? Listen, Rog. I knew Hobbes was funny, you know? I told you that. But I didn't really know just how funny he was. See... when he kicked off, they sent all the personal secret stuff they found to his mother -- she's still alive but just barely -- and she sent everything she thought was medical to me here at the lab. I'm Hobbes's partner, right? Anyway, I've been going through his papers, and what they add up to is this: Hobbes was shafting us all, me, the university, the foundations and the councils, the private labs, everybody. We never really knew what it was we were working on. Hobbes gave us each a few crumbs, but he was the only one who knew what the whole loaf would look like. +OK, I bite. What does it look like? It looks like -- and I quote -- 'a disease to save man from his mind.' +It looks like -- and I quote -- 'a disease to save man from his mind.' I don't get it. +I don't get it. Lemme clarify for you. +He didn't make it. Huh? +Huh? Maybe Hobbes didn't know it, but Annabelle was a pretty popular girl around Starliner Towers. I've got three men here, maybe four, who're hosting large, free-moving, apparently pathogenic, abdominal growths that nobody I've tried can identify. You were next on my list. +Maybe Hobbes didn't know it, but Annabelle was a pretty popular girl around Starliner Towers. I've got three men here, maybe four, who're hosting large, free-moving, apparently pathogenic, abdominal growths that nobody I've tried can identify. You were next on my list. I'd kinda like to come over there and have a look at one of these guys. +I'd kinda like to come over there and have a look at one of these guys. I've got a date with one of them at ten. Can you make it? +I've got a date with one of them at ten. Can you make it? Yeah. Ah, I don't want to panic you or anything, but, I mean, the way Hobbes designed them, they're supposed to get out of hand real quick, so you don't have much time to think about what's happening to you. Once they decide to start pumping all those dynamite juices into the old blood stream... I dunno. But if you see some people doing kind of compulsive, maybe even bizarre sexual things... +Yeah. Ah, I don't want to panic you or anything, but, I mean, the way Hobbes designed them, they're supposed to get out of hand real quick, so you don't have much time to think about what's happening to you. Once they decide to start pumping all those dynamite juices into the old blood stream... I dunno. But if you see some people doing kind of compulsive, maybe even bizarre sexual things... Yeah? What do I do then? +Yeah? What do I do then? I dunno. Try tranquilizers. Once you can get at them, there's a lotta stuff you can use. I'll bring a bagful. It's just the standard tropical kit. But the trick is to get at them. +OK. It's apartment 1009, South Tower, Starliner Towers. May as well go there directly. OK, Rog. See you at ten. +NIGHT NIGHT NIGHT NIGHT +NIGHT NIGHT IT'S TIME FOR BYE-BYES IT'S BEEN A GREAT DAY THANKS A HEAP NOW IT'S TIME FOR EVERYONE TO GO TO SLEEP +GOT THE HOT FLUSH SYMPTOMS AND I'M FEELING FREAKY YOUNG MALE INTERN, TALL AND HANDSOME +YOUNG MALE INTERN, TALL AND HANDSOME GOT MY HEM SO HIGH THEY'LL SAY I'M BEING CHEEKY +GOT MY HEM SO HIGH THEY'LL SAY I'M BEING CHEEKY WITH LEGS LIKE MINE I'M REALLY MADE FOR DANCING +BREAKING OUT BREAKING OUT +BREAKING OUT BREAKING OUT +BREAKING OUT BREAKING OUT +BREAKING OUT BREAKING OUT +BREAKING OUT BREAKING OUT +You bet, Bert. Good! I'm gonna be there. +Later, Brenda. Ah, Bert, could you spare a moment? Of course. +How's Brad? A wreck. +A wreck. Check. The quacks are willing tools? +Check. The quacks are willing tools? Fools! +Fools! I wouldn't mind doing Janet one or two favours. +I wouldn't mind doing Janet one or two favours. Time to check with Flavors. +Sank you! Velcome! Sank you! What's cookin', Bert? +What's cookin', Bert? "I tell you what's cooking. She made the blind see and it was a gift! Who was it from? Let's hear an 'F"" for..." +They should be sent to the Danube before Dawn. What? +What? Nothing. Just...memories! +About Brad's family? As Janet's parents this should be really easy. Your last clue... Mental Instability. You have thirty seconds. +You got it! I got it! I got it!!! +I got it! I got it!!! Congratulations! It's 'Happy Homes' for Harry and Emily Weiss of Denton. +Infantile regression. You got it! +You got it! I got it! I got it!!! +Introduce yourselves. I'm Janet Majors and this is my husband Brad. +We've been hearing some bad things about you, Brad. He needs help. +I know, I know, it's just... Looks like 'Rest Home' for this marriage. +Do you watch 'Dentonvale,' Janet? I've caught it once or twice. +I've caught it once or twice. Of course! D.T.V.'s most popular Hospital series featuring those perennial favorites, Cosmo and Nation McKinley. Neuro-specialists par excellence ...if you'll pardon my French. I recommend you send Brad to them for treatment! +I know he's boring but... Neuro-specialists! That sounds pretty drastic. It's no use pussyfooting around, Janet -- we have to cut quick and deep. +Is it because I'm becoming too popular? On the contrary. He wants to see your ratings soar. He needs a woman of exceptional desirability. +Right! An early start with Janet's debut on 'Good Morning Denton.' By the time we unveil Farley's 'Faith Factory' we will have earned our beauty sleep. Can I just 'peep in' on Brad before I go home? +Can I just 'peep in' on Brad before I go home? Home? +When do I get to see Brad? After breakfast. You're sounding tense, Janet. Maybe I could give you a little massage? +But...how? WELL FIRST YOU GO RIP RIP RIP THEN YOU GO SNIP SNIP SNIP THEN YOU WHIP IN A ZIP ZIP ZIP AN' YOU SPLIT IT UP TO THE HIP HIP HIP AN' AS YOU STRIP STRIP STRIP YOU QUIVER AND SHIVER FOR THAT SOFT CARESS AS YOU SLIP SLIP SLIP...INTO THAT LITTLE BLACK DRESS +SIN-I-FUL LITTLE BLACK DRESS +Dear old Bert's settled everything. Jah -- you endorse his product -- He endorses your research. +How did you come by this scenario? I am in Farley's employ -- and... ...we're discussing a network deal. +I am in Farley's employ -- and... ...we're discussing a network deal. Why Janet? +Why Janet? Everyone loves the girl next door, particularly Farley. +Everyone loves the girl next door, particularly Farley. So it seems. +In my time they used to call me the Merlin of Berlin. They probably meant Irving and wanted you to swing. +Of course, Mrs. Majors -- Janet -- But I'm puzzled. If she was so keen on getting him in here, why wouldn't she sign the contract? No it wasn't Janet -- exactly -- It was, in fact, your new sponsor. +No it wasn't Janet -- exactly -- It was, in fact, your new sponsor. SPONSOR!!! +SPONSOR!!! Dentonvale has been sold. +Dentonvale has been sold. SOLD??!! +With Fast Food Farley at the helm it'll be TV dinners from now on. Farley is already a TV winner as we shall see. Dentonvile will run forever now that his interest has embraced mental hygiene. +We're the experts. Who trusts experts? +Out of self comes selflessness. Show yourself. The real you. The secret you. +In a way... I detect a note of reticence. Are you, perhaps, one of those amongst us who feel this emotive form of presentation is overly manipulative? +I detect a note of reticence. Are you, perhaps, one of those amongst us who feel this emotive form of presentation is overly manipulative? Well, Betty, there are many ways that the spider may catch the fly... +Thank you so much, Judge Wright, for another wonderful interview. Judge Wright? Now, Betty? First name terms, surely! +Judge Wright? Now, Betty? First name terms, surely! Oh, Oliver, you're so tolerant. Time for a coffee before you rush off? +Oh, Oliver, you're so tolerant. Time for a coffee before you rush off? Delighted, Betty -- That is if you don't mind being seen with an older man. +Delighted, Betty -- That is if you don't mind being seen with an older man. Why, Oliver, since Ralph and I separated maturity is something I look for in a man. +A free thinker. Everything's free there. +Macy Struthers -- God I must have been blind -- still, the weaker the man, the dumber the blonde. Isn't that Brad and Janet Majors sitting down front? What an ideal couple. +McKinley?...McKinley? Bert brought them over from Europe. They had a very popular series together. It's still rerun in a lot of countries. You must have seen them in 'Dentonvale?' +Conspiracy? That sounds a little farfetched. It's happened before. Remember Lieutenant Orpheus? He disappeared into that Underworld series and never came back. +It's happened before. Remember Lieutenant Orpheus? He disappeared into that Underworld series and never came back. Sounds like my husband. He never came back either. At least not after Flavors gave him a commercial break. +Sounds like my husband. He never came back either. At least not after Flavors gave him a commercial break. Ah yes. Farley Flavors. You know, I find it... +Conspiracy is right. The Denton Dossier is... ...closed? +I bet that Macy Struthers had a hand in this. We'll probably be replaced by an hour of fashion tips! Now Betty, don't overreact. +Now Betty, don't overreact. Overreact! You're the one with theories about conspirac... Oliver? +Overreact! You're the one with theories about conspirac... Oliver? Yes, Betty. +Yes, Betty. Are you spoken for this evening? +Clever of you to find this spot, Betty. It pays to know your way around, Oliver. +A 'stately pleasure home' indeed. Oh I adore Coleridge Taylor. As a matter of fact... +Look. Look at that. Bert Schnick can see. Why...he's...dancing. Yes. Macabre, isn't it. The blind leading the blind. +Did you /hear/ that, Oliver. Yes, Betty. But the false promise of a new dawn is usually followed by a most bloody sunset. +Care to indulge? Indulge? +Indulge? In a little masquerade? +Betty, it's imperative we get Janet out of Flavors' fast fingers and Brad out of that hell-hole before they both disappear forever. If only I could place that name -- McKinley? He was a President. +He was a President. President? Past Presidents! Betty, this is beginning to add up. +President? Past Presidents! Betty, this is beginning to add up. Really. What'll I pin this on? +Really. What'll I pin this on? Faith, Betty. But make sure it's your own. +SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR ENSLAVEMENT SOME PEOPLE DO IT ON THE PAVEMENT +Oh. Ah, I'm not calling at an inconvenient moment am I? Not at all. You have your life. And I have mine. +Not at all. You have your life. And I have mine. Yeah, well. Here, Betty. I just came to give you this. +I'll leave you young things to it. Shove it, Ralph! +Shove it, Ralph! You too, Betty! +Oh, Oliver. What are we going to do? No! I don't know what Janet's next move will be...but you can be sure of one thing...it all starts here! +That's us. I don't want to get up there. +I don't want to get up there. We've got to, Brad, everyone's watching. +I'm not going, Janet. What are you trying to do? Make Bert look like a fool? He's made all the arrangements. +What are you trying to do? Make Bert look like a fool? He's made all the arrangements. But I don't need treadment. +I'M LOOKING FOR LOVE I'M LOOKING FOR TRADE +SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR COMPASSION SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR THE FASHION +SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR THE FASHION SOME PEOPLE DO IT TO BE FUNNY +SOME PEOPLE DO IT TO BE FUNNY SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR THE MONEY +I'VE TOOK AS MUCH OF YOU AS ANY MAN CAN YOU'VE LOST YOUR HEART YOU'VE LOST YOUR CAUSE +YOU'VE LOST YOUR CAUSE YOU LOST YOUR BABY WHEN YOU LOST YOUR BALLS YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND, YOU'VE LOST YOUR GRIP SO SAY BYE-BYE +AN' YOU'RE A WEEPER AND A WAILER ALWAYS TREADING THE TOES OF THE GREAT GENERALLY SPREADING YOUR WEIGHT YOU'RE A SPITEFUL, HATEFUL ASININE CREATURE A PUPIL WITH NO SCRUPLES WHO KNEW BETTER THAN THE TEACHER I'VE TOOK AS MUCH OF YOU AS ANY MAN CAN +I'VE TOOK AS MUCH OF YOU AS ANY MAN CAN YOU'VE LOST YOUR HEART +YOU'VE LOST YOUR HEART YOU'VE LOST YOUR CAUSE +YOU'VE LOST YOUR CAUSE YOU LOST YOUR BABY WHEN YOU LOST YOUR BALLS YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND, YOU'VE LOST YOUR GRIP SO SAY BYE-BYE +SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR EACH OTHER SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR THEIR LOVERS +SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR THEIR LOVERS SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR IMPROVEMENT +SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR IMPROVEMENT SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR MOVEMENT +SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR MOVEMENT SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR ENJOYMENT +SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR ENJOYMENT SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR EMPLOYMENT +YOU'LL FIND A RAMBLING ROSE AND A PICKET FENCE TENDERNESS AND INNOCENCE IN DENTON` +Mental instability? He was adopted you know. +He was adopted you know. I'd forgotten. +I'd forgotten. Well I hadn't. I was worried about inherited craziness when they married. I said to Janet 'What do we know of his parents?' +What are you talking about? Danny Slepstrini is a chip off the old block. I played 18 holes of golf with his father just last week. And Hank says Danny's moved to New York. To better himself. He moved all right! When they found him with fifteen other naked men at the back of Wilson's Bakery. +Oh, Harry. What are we going to do? Well...maybe I could wear my black leather brogues? +Well...maybe I could wear my black leather brogues? Too flashy...they'll clash with the new outfits. +LIKE A VIRGIN WITH AN' URGIN' IN A SURGERY I'LL BE SWINGING -- I'LL BE BRINGING OUT THE NURSE IN ME THE ART WILL START WHEN I PLAY MY PART AS THE HEALER WHO WILL STEAL YOUR HEART +Mr. Flavors -- may I have a moment of your time? Sure thing. +Sure thing. We've heard rumors that you're going to unveil more than just a new series tonight. Is this true? +We've heard rumors that you're going to unveil more than just a new series tonight. Is this true? Absolutely correct. +Absolutely correct. Could you tell us a little about it? +Could you tell us a little about it? Let's just say that I'm putting sanity back on the national menu. +Let's just say that I'm putting sanity back on the national menu. And how does *'local girl'* Janet Majors fit into the scheme of things? +Could I do that later? Of course. +But they only think they're happy. That doesn't make sense. +I won't be a party to this. I want to see Brad. The question is, does Brad want to see you? Quite frankly, he hates you. +The question is, does Brad want to see you? Quite frankly, he hates you. What do you mean? +It's only one night, Janet. Let's not forget who we're doing this for? Who? +Brad! Oh, Brad. He's a lame dog, remember? But even he wouldn't want to see you like this. +Oh my poor baby. Oh. Mom. It's Brad. +Oh. Mom. It's Brad. I know. +They call it a new look at an old favourite I copied it from the 'Window on the World' show. The Far East meets the Mid-West! It's... +It's... Just what the Doctor ordered. I know. Come on in, my favourite show's just started. +Just what the Doctor ordered. I know. Come on in, my favourite show's just started. What show? +Poor Brad. Thank God he was born an orphan. It would have killed his parents. +You shouldn't have said that. Why? +Why? Your father doesn't like Mexicans. +I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am. Janet! Where's that lovely dress I made you? +Janet! Where's that lovely dress I made you? Oh, Mac ran up this little crowd-pleaser. +Oh, Mac ran up this little crowd-pleaser. You're practically naked! +You're practically naked! I can't wear anything under it. That would spoil the line. +Hey! What are you trying to do? Get yourself committed? I'm sorry, Officer. +I'm sorry, Officer. Vance! Vance Parker. +Vance! Vance Parker. Janet. Janet Majors. It's just that Brad...my husband...is not... very well and... I don't want to miss the next episode of Dentonvale. +Janet. Janet Majors. It's just that Brad...my husband...is not... very well and... I don't want to miss the next episode of Dentonvale. Dentonvale...say, that's for... I'm sorry to hear that, Janet. Look I'm going to let you through, but keep it to yourself, otherwise... +Dentonvale...say, that's for... I'm sorry to hear that, Janet. Look I'm going to let you through, but keep it to yourself, otherwise... Thanks Officer Park...Vance. +Thanks Officer Park...Vance. Don't worry, Janet. Brad'll probably get just what he needs. +BUT WITHOUT YOU AND ME, SIS THE WORLD'D FALL TO PIECES VENA CAVA WHO'S THE RAVER? OUR RAVING SAVIOUR THAT'S YOU!! +I NEED SOME YOUNG BLOOD +YOUNG BLOOD I NEED SOME +I NEED SOME YOUNG BLOOD +YOUNG BLOOD I NEED IT NOW I NEED SOME +I NEED IT NOW I NEED SOME YOUNG BLOOD +YOUNG BLOOD I NEED SOME +I NEED SOME YOUNG BLOOD +No! He's never done that before. Good! Well there's still hope. Lots of hope. +Just one or two details. Does he have any living relatives? Blood relatives? No...couldn't I do this later? +I'm...happy. There are countless people in this world who believe they're happy. +Brad has deep feelings of hostility towards you. Me? +Me? It's classical. Almost a textbook case... +I want to see Brad. I understand your concern, but I feel it's time you started thinking of yourself. Look at yourself. +Is it true they're all midgets with big heads? Absolutely true. Compared to all of them, you are perfection, flawless beauty. +You are the most desirable creature that ever walked. If only Brad could have found it within his heart to say these things to me. +If only Brad could have found it within his heart to say these things to me. He will. But it's up to you to reawaken his feelings. You've got to be fabulous, look, think and appear fabulous. And Farley's given you that chance. You can use the Breakfast Show to knock Denton dead. +He will. But it's up to you to reawaken his feelings. You've got to be fabulous, look, think and appear fabulous. And Farley's given you that chance. You can use the Breakfast Show to knock Denton dead. Do you really think so? +Do you really think so? You've got a really tight team around you. And everybody needs you! +You've got a really tight team around you. And everybody needs you! But what'll I do? What'll I say? What'll I wear? +But what'll I do? What'll I say? What'll I wear? EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE BOY DRESSING UP HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY GREATEST JOY BUT WHEN IT'S TIME TO BE DISCREET THERE'S ONE THING YOU JUST CAN'T BEAT THAT'S A STRAPLESS, BACKLESS CLASSICAL LITTLE BLACK +. . .For his own good. Of course. He was in great danger of harming himself. +Brad! I'm sick of hearing about that lame dog. I've got a lot going for me. I'm going places. I'm going to be someone. I'm gonna win my way into the lives and hearts of people even if I have to kill to do it. I'll make the pathetic little crumbs love me. I don't even know why I'm wasting my time here with you. I should be with my people... +BRAD! Arrest that man! He's committed to our care. +Arrest that man! He's committed to our care. I never signed the contract. He's not going anywhere. +Let's hear the five 'F's' for today. F for... Farley! +Farley! F for... +F for... Flavors! +Flavors! F for... +F for... Fabulous! +Fabulous! F for... +F for... Fast! +Fast! F for... +F for... Foods! +Ah. Mr. And Mrs. Majors. How wonderful to see you. I am Dr. Cosmo McKinley and this is my sister, and colleague, Nation McKinley. We understand you've been going through a rather trying time. +Our speciality. I can't wait to begin on him. Really, Bert, I don't know what we'd do without you! +HE!!?? How dare this person take advantage of my weakness. I don't think he intends to go that far. +Our field. What does he know about it? +It's you we're concerned about, Janet. Yes how are you, Janet? Are you happy? +That's an extremely negative response. Yes, Janet. Leave the crying to Brad. +This is the nerve center of operations, Janet. You must stay here tonight. That way we can all be here when Mr. Sun paints us a new day with his golden brush. And you can 'peep in' on Brad in the morning. +I FEEL THE HEAT FROM YOUR SKIN AND THE STUBBLE ON YOUR CHIN YOU'RE NO GOOD YOU'RE NO GOOD +YOU'VE GOT DIRT ON YOUR HANDS AND EVERYBODY UNDERSTANDS YOU'RE NO GOOD YOU'RE NO GOOD +WHAT A JOKE... WHAT A JOKE... +WHAT A JOKE... YOU FEL LIKE CHOKING YOU PLAY FOR BROKE... +YOU FEL LIKE CHOKING YOU PLAY FOR BROKE... YOU PLAY FOR BROKE... +YOU PLAY FOR BROKE... HE LEAVES YOU SMOKING... +HE LEAVES YOU SMOKING... OH ROMANCE IS NOT A CHILDREN'S GAME... +OH ROMANCE IS NOT A CHILDREN'S GAME... YOU KEEP GOING BACK IT'S DRIVING YOU INSANE +THAT MINIMAL CRIMINAL +CRIMINAL SIN-I-FUL +This could be worse than the old series. In the old series we didn't have a convertible. +Hi! Macy Struthers -- co-host on the F. F. show. Ah, Macy. Why don't you help Janet freshen up before rehearsal. +Ah, Macy. Why don't you help Janet freshen up before rehearsal. Surely. +So all in all it's going to be an exciting new series for us... ...and an attractive financial prospect for Denton. +THIS COULD BE THE START OF A WHOLE NEW CAREER HERE LIKE A DEEP PLUM LIPSTICK AND SOME THERAPEUTICS +LIKE A DEEP PLUM LIPSTICK AND SOME THERAPEUTICS THIS COULD TAKE US TO A TOWN THAT'S NOWHERE NEAR HERE +And none of them worked? No. +And we also know how you feel, we're not strangers to confusion. We're not confused. +Isn't she lovely? Mommy and Daddy love you, Baby. +Mommy and Daddy love you, Baby. She walks in beauty... +She walks in beauty... We love you, Baby. +We love you, Baby. We all love Janet...Who do we love? +Nice technique there... ...Cammi. It's all in the wrist. You know, you look really familiar. You from around here? Where'd you go to high school? +It's all in the wrist. You know, you look really familiar. You from around here? Where'd you go to high school? No, we're from San Diego. Why? +No, we're from San Diego. Why? I don't know. You just seem really familiar to me. Never mind. Enjoy your meals. +I don't know. You just seem really familiar to me. Never mind. Enjoy your meals. Hang on. Did you ever know a Derek Sommersby? +Hang on. Did you ever know a Derek Sommersby? "Doctor Derek Sommersby? You mean from ""One Life to Live""?" +You don't think I fuck you, bitch? I'll fuck you. I'm a bad girl. I'm a bad girl. +You picked him up and you fucked him, didn't you, bitch? I picked him up and I fucked him. I'm a bad girl. +I picked him up and I fucked him. I'm a bad girl. And you liked fucking him, didn't you, you fat little whore? +And you liked fucking him, didn't you, you fat little whore? I liked it when you caught me fucking him. +The fuck was that? The wallet! He took Derek's wallet! +Don't bother him with that. We got to get going. It'll just take a second. +It's Christine. Hey you. You guys having fun? +Yeah. All twenty minutes so far have been a blast. Good. That's good. +So what's up? Just seeing how you're doing. And, um, Mom and I were starting to look over the seating charts again, and we're wondering if you wanted Tony Levin to sit next to the Feldmans, or should he be at one of the singles tables? +Really? Because I don't know, I was thinking that -- Well, then put him at the singles table. +Well, then put him at the singles table. The problem with that is that then there's one extra -- +The problem with that is that then there's one extra -- Then put him with the Feldmans. Whatever you and your Mom decide is fine with me. +Then put him with the Feldmans. Whatever you and your Mom decide is fine with me. Don't dismiss me. I'm trying to include you in this decision. He's your friend. +Don't dismiss me. I'm trying to include you in this decision. He's your friend. I didn't dismiss you. I told you what I thought, but it didn't seem to matter, so you decide. Besides, this is supposed to be my time with Miles. I hope you're not going to call every five minutes. +I didn't dismiss you. I told you what I thought, but it didn't seem to matter, so you decide. Besides, this is supposed to be my time with Miles. I hope you're not going to call every five minutes. I'm not going to call every five minutes, but this is important. +I'm not going to call every five minutes, but this is important. Honey, I'm just saying you know I need a little space before the wedding. Isn't that the point of this? Isn't that what we talked about with Dr. Gertler? +Why are you being so defensive? I don't know, Christine. Perhaps it's because I feel attacked. +I don't know, Christine. Perhaps it's because I feel attacked. I ask you one simple question, and suddenly I'm attacking you. +I ask you one simple question, and suddenly I'm attacking you. Listen. I'll call you when we get there, and we can talk about it then, okay? +Listen. I'll call you when we get there, and we can talk about it then, okay? Bye. +Bye. I love you. +I love you. Bye. +Miles. Hey, Evelyn, it's your favorite client. +Hey, Evelyn, it's your favorite client. How's the trip? +How's the trip? Good, good. Drinking some good wines and kicking back, you know. So what's happening? Still no word? +Good, good. Drinking some good wines and kicking back, you know. So what's happening? Still no word? Actually there is word. I spoke to Keith Kurtzman this morning. +Actually there is word. I spoke to Keith Kurtzman this morning. And? +And? And... they're passing. Conundrum's passing. He said they really liked it. They really wanted to do it, but they just couldn't figure out how to market it. He said it was a tough call. +And... they're passing. Conundrum's passing. He said they really liked it. They really wanted to do it, but they just couldn't figure out how to market it. He said it was a tough call. Huh. +Huh. I'm sorry, Miles. So I don't know where that leaves us. I'm not sure how much more mileage I can get out of continuing to submit it. I think it's one of those unfortunate cases in the business right now -- a fabulous book with no home. The whole industry's gotten gutless. It's not about the quality of the books. It's about the marketing. +Are you there? Miles? Yeah, I'm here. +Yeah, I'm here. I'm sorry, Miles. We did all we could. You've been a real trooper. Tell him I'll call back. +I'm sorry, Miles. We did all we could. You've been a real trooper. Tell him I'll call back. So I guess that's it. +So I guess that's it. You're a wonderful writer, Miles. Don't be discouraged. +Hey, Miles. Long time no see. Gary. +Gary. When's that novel of yours coming out? We all want to read it. +When's that novel of yours coming out? We all want to read it. Soon, soon. Say, this is my buddy Jack. He's getting married next week. +Soon, soon. Say, this is my buddy Jack. He's getting married next week. My condolences. +My condolences. What are you pouring tonight? +What are you pouring tonight? Lot of good stuff. Got the new Bien Nacido. Want a taste? +Lot of good stuff. Got the new Bien Nacido. Want a taste? Absolutement. They have their own label that's just outstanding. +What do you think? Tight as a nun's asshole but qood concentration. Nice fruit. +How's it hanging, Miles? You know me. I love it up here. How about you? +You know me. I love it up here. How about you? Busy night for a Tuesday. We had a busload of retired folks in on a wine tour. Usually they're not too rowdy, but tonight there was something going on. Full moon or something. What can I get you? +Busy night for a Tuesday. We had a busload of retired folks in on a wine tour. Usually they're not too rowdy, but tonight there was something going on. Full moon or something. What can I get you? Highliner. +Highliner. Glass or bottle? +Glass or bottle? Bottle. +Bottle. You got it. +You got it. Say, is Maya working? +Say, is Maya working? Maya? Haven't seen her. I think she's off tonight. Say, where's your buddy? +You okay, Miles? I'm good. +They're from both of us. A famous actor bringing me flowers on my birthday. Don't I feel special? +Jeez, Mrs. Raymond, that was eleven years ago. Well, you were wonderful on that show. I never understood why they had to give you that brain tumor so soon. Why that didn't make you the biggest movie star in the world is a sin. It's a sin. +Well, you were wonderful on that show. I never understood why they had to give you that brain tumor so soon. Why that didn't make you the biggest movie star in the world is a sin. It's a sin. Yeah, well, you should be my agent. +Yeah, well, you should be my agent. If I was, I would sing your praises up and down the street until they put me in the loony bin. Now Miles, why didn't you tell me you were coming and bringing this handsome man? Look how I'm dressed. I've got to run and put my face on. +If I was, I would sing your praises up and down the street until they put me in the loony bin. Now Miles, why didn't you tell me you were coming and bringing this handsome man? Look how I'm dressed. I've got to run and put my face on. You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond. +You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond. Oh, stop it. Make yourselves comfortable. You boys hungry? +Mrs. Raymond, this is delicious. Absolutely delicious. They're just leftovers. +They're just leftovers. Is it chicken? +Is it chicken? I could have made something fancier if a certain someone had let me know that a certain someone was coming for a visit with a certain special friend. Could have made a pork roast. +And what was that other one you did, the one where you're the jogger? Oh, that was for, uh, wait... That was for Spray and Wash. +Oh, that was for, uh, wait... That was for Spray and Wash. Spray and Wash. That's the one. +Spray and Wash. That's the one. Yeah, I remember the girl who was in it with me. She was something. +Yeah, I remember the girl who was in it with me. She was something. I just remember you jogging. So when's the wedding? +Two years ago, buddy. You should get back together with Victoria. She was good for you. +She was good for you. And so beautiful and intelligent. You knew her, right? Oh, yeah. Real well. Still do. +Oh, yeah. Real well. Still do. I'm worried about you, Miles. Do you need some money? +Hey, guys. How's it going? Excellent. My friend and I are up here doing the wine tour, and he tells me that you folks make one hell of a Syrah. +Excellent. My friend and I are up here doing the wine tour, and he tells me that you folks make one hell of a Syrah. That's what people say. +Now there's a girl who knows how to pour. What's your name? Stephanie. +Stephanie. Nice. +Tastes good to me. You live around here, Stephanie? In Santa Ynez. And I agree with you about Cab Franc. +In Santa Ynez. And I agree with you about Cab Franc. Oh yeah? We're just over in Buellton. Windmill Inn. +Oh yeah? We're just over in Buellton. Windmill Inn. Oh yeah. +Oh yeah. You know a gal named Maya? Works at the Hitching Post? +You know a gal named Maya? Works at the Hitching Post? Sure I know Maya. Real well. +Sure I know Maya. Real well. No shit. We just had a drink with her last night. Miles knows her. +You're a bad, bad girl, Stephanie. I know. I might need to be spanked. +How you doin' tonight, beautiful? Good. How're you? +Good. How're you? Great. You look great. You both do. +Great. You look great. You both do. Not so bad yourself. +I'm thinking about the duck breast. Me too. +What happened to you guys? Couple of wrong turns. Thanks to Magellan, here. +Hi. Hi. Maya's in the kitchen. +I can explain. You said you loved me! You fuck! I hope you die! +Hiya. Hi. Well, nice to see you guys here. Bye, Miles. +Highliner, please. That's on us. +Are you a writer too? No, I'm an actor. +No, I'm an actor. Oh yeah? What kind of stuff? +Oh yeah? What kind of stuff? A lot of TV. I was a regular on a couple of series. And lately I've been doing a lot of commercials. National mostly. +A lot of TV. I was a regular on a couple of series. And lately I've been doing a lot of commercials. National mostly. Anything I'd know? +Anything I'd know? Maybe. Recognize this? +That's hilarious. You sound just like one of those guys. I am one of those guys. +I am one of those guys. You are not. +Whatever you girls want. It's on us tonight. Sky's the limit. No, we're paying for the wine. +No, we're paying for the wine. I don't think so. We're celebrating Miles's book deal. +I don't think so. We're celebrating Miles's book deal. Well, in that case... +Where the fuck were you, man? I was dying in there. We were supposed to be a hundred miles away by now. I can't help the traffic. +I can't help the traffic. Come on. You're fucking hungover. +Come on. You're fucking hungover. Okay, there was a tasting last night. But I wanted to get us some stuff for the ride up. Check out the box. +Why did you tell them my book was being published? You said you had it all lined up. +You said you had it all lined up. No, I didn't. What I said was that my agent had heard there was some interest at Conundrum... +No, I didn't. What I said was that my agent had heard there was some interest at Conundrum... Yeah, Conundrum. +Yeah, Conundrum. ...and that one of the editors was passing it up to a senior editor. She was supposed to hear something this week, but now it's next week, and... It's always like this. It's always a fucking waiting game. I've been through it too many times already. +...and that one of the editors was passing it up to a senior editor. She was supposed to hear something this week, but now it's next week, and... It's always like this. It's always a fucking waiting game. I've been through it too many times already. I don't know. Senior editor? Sounds like you're in to me. +I don't know. Senior editor? Sounds like you're in to me. It's a long shot, all right? And Conundrum is just a small specialty press anyway. I'm not getting my hopes up. I've stopped caring. That's it. I've stopped caring. +Don't open that now. It's warm. Come on, we're celebrating. I say we pop it. +Come on, we're celebrating. I say we pop it. That's a 1992 Byron. It's really rare. Don't open it now. I've been saving it! +Shut up. Here's to a great week. Yes. Absolutely. Despite your crass behavior, I'm really glad we're finally getting this time together. +Yes. Absolutely. Despite your crass behavior, I'm really glad we're finally getting this time together. Yeah. +Yeah. You know how long I've been begging to take you on the wine tour. I was beginning to think it was never going to happen. +Oh, that's tasty. 100% Pinot Noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it anymore. +100% Pinot Noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it anymore. Pinot Noir? How come it's white? Doesn't noir mean dark? +Pinot Noir? How come it's white? Doesn't noir mean dark? Jesus. Don't ask questions like that up in the wine country. They'll think you're a moron. +Jesus. Don't ask questions like that up in the wine country. They'll think you're a moron. Just tell me. +Just tell me. Color in the red wines comes from the skins. This juice is free run, so there's no skin contact in the fermentation, ergo no color. +Color in the red wines comes from the skins. This juice is free run, so there's no skin contact in the fermentation, ergo no color. Sure is tasty. +Did you read the latest draft, by the way? Oh, yeah. Yeah. +Oh, yeah. Yeah. And? +And? I liked it a lot. A lot of improvements. It just seemed overall, I don't know, tighter, more... congealed or something. +I liked it a lot. A lot of improvements. It just seemed overall, I don't know, tighter, more... congealed or something. How about the new ending? Did you like that? +How about the new ending? Did you like that? Oh yeah. Much better. +Oh yeah. Much better. There is no new ending. Page 750 on is exactly the same. +There is no new ending. Page 750 on is exactly the same. Well, then I guess it must have felt new because everything leading up to it was so different. +Whoa, why are we getting off? I've just got to make one quick stop. Won't take a second. +I've just got to make one quick stop. Won't take a second. What? +What? I thought we could just say a quick hello to my mother. +I thought we could just say a quick hello to my mother. Your mother? Jesus, Miles, we were supposed to be up there hours ago. +Your mother? Jesus, Miles, we were supposed to be up there hours ago. It's her birthday tomorrow. And I don't feel right driving by her house and not stopping in, okay? It'll just take a second. She's right off the freeway. +How old's she going to be? Um... seventy... something. +Um... seventy... something. That's a good age. +Let me show you something. The secret to opening champagne is that once the cork is released, you keep pressure on it so you don't -- Just a second. Guy's going for $2500. +This Saturday, Mom, remember? We told you. And Miles is my best man, Mrs. Raymond. My main man. +Fuck, man. Too early in the morning for that, you know what I mean? She's a kid, Jack. I don't even look at that stuff anymore. +She's a kid, Jack. I don't even look at that stuff anymore. That's your problem, Miles. +That's your problem, Miles. As if she'd even be attracted to guys like us in the first place. +As if she'd even be attracted to guys like us in the first place. Speak for yourself. I get chicks looking at me all the time. All ages. +Speak for yourself. I get chicks looking at me all the time. All ages. It's not worth it. You pay too big a price. It's never free. +It'd be the best thing for you. You know what? I'm going to get you laid this week. That's going to be my best man gift to you. I'm not going to give you a pen knife or a gift certificate or any of that other horseshit. I'd rather have a knife. +I'd rather have a knife. No. No. You've been officially depressed for like two years now, and you were always a negative guy anyway, even in college. Now it's worse -- you're wasting away. Teaching English to fucking eighth-graders when they should be reading what you wrote. Your books. +No. No. You've been officially depressed for like two years now, and you were always a negative guy anyway, even in college. Now it's worse -- you're wasting away. Teaching English to fucking eighth-graders when they should be reading what you wrote. Your books. I'm working on it. +You still seeing that shrink? I went on Monday. But I spent most of the time helping him with his computer. +I went on Monday. But I spent most of the time helping him with his computer. Well, I say fuck therapy and what's that stuff you take, Xanax? +Well, I say fuck therapy and what's that stuff you take, Xanax? And Lexapro, yes. +And Lexapro, yes. Well, I say fuck that. You need to get your joint worked on, that's what you need. +Well, I say fuck that. You need to get your joint worked on, that's what you need. Jack. This week is not about me. It's about you. I'm going to show you a good time. We're going to drink a lot of good wine, play some golf, eat some great food, enjoy the scenery and send you off in style. +Jack. This week is not about me. It's about you. I'm going to show you a good time. We're going to drink a lot of good wine, play some golf, eat some great food, enjoy the scenery and send you off in style. And get your bone smooched. +You know what? Let's take the Santa Rosa turnoff and hit Sanford first. Whatever's closest, man. I need a glass. +Whatever's closest, man. I need a glass. These guys make top-notch Pinot and Chardonnay. One of the best producers in Santa Barbara county. Look how beautiful this view is. What a day! +These guys make top-notch Pinot and Chardonnay. One of the best producers in Santa Barbara county. Look how beautiful this view is. What a day! I thought you hated Chardonnay. +I thought you hated Chardonnay. I like all varietals. I just don't generally like the way they manipulate Chardonnay in California -- too much oak and secondary malolactic fermentation. +Hey, Miles. I really hope your novel sells. Thanks, Jack. So do I. Here we are. +So what'd you guys finally decide on for the menu? I told you. Filet and salmon. +I told you. Filet and salmon. Yeah, but how are they making the salmon? Poached with a yogurt-dill sauce? Teriyaki? Curry? +Yeah, but how are they making the salmon? Poached with a yogurt-dill sauce? Teriyaki? Curry? I don't know. Salmon. Don't you always have white wine with fish? +I don't know. Salmon. Don't you always have white wine with fish? Oh, Jesus. Look, at some point we have to find out because it's going to make a big difference. +Oh, Jesus. Look, at some point we have to find out because it's going to make a big difference. Let me call Christine. +Let me call Christine. Doesn't have to be now. Let's go taste. +Doesn't have to be now. Let's go taste. I owe her a call anyway. +Baked with a butter-lime glaze. Now we're talking. +This is rose, right? Good, yeah, it is a rose. Only this one is rather atypically made from 100% Pinot Noir. +Good, yeah, it is a rose. Only this one is rather atypically made from 100% Pinot Noir. Pinot noir? Not again! You know, not all Pinots are noir. +First take your glass and examine the wine against the light. You're looking at color and clarity. What color is it supposed to be? +What color is it supposed to be? Depends on the varietal. Just get a sense of it. Thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? Inky? Amber, whatever... +Depends on the varietal. Just get a sense of it. Thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? Inky? Amber, whatever... Huh. +Huh. Now tip it. What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins toward the rim. Tells you how old it is, among other things, usually more important with reds. This is a very young wine, so it's going to retain its color pretty solidly. Now stick your nose in it. +What do you smell? I don't know. Wine? Fermented grapes? +Huh. Maybe a little strawberry. Yeah, strawberry. I'm not so sure about the cheese. Now set your glass down and get some air into it. +That's what you do with every one. When do we get to drink it? +When do we get to drink it? Now. +How would you rate this one? Usually they start you on the wines with learning disabilities, but this one's pretty damn good. This is the new one, right, Chris? +You know, you could work in a wine store. Yeah, that would be a good move. +Are you chewing gum? Want some? +Hey Jack, hurry up! Just a minute! +I thought you said it was close. Now I'm all pitted out. It's not even a mile. +It's not even a mile. We should have driven. +We should have driven. Not with the wine list these people have. We don't want to hold back. +Not with the wine list these people have. We don't want to hold back. You think I'm making a mistake marrying Christine? +You think I'm making a mistake marrying Christine? Whoa. +Whoa. Come on, do you think I'm doing the right thing? Tell the truth. You've been through it. +Come on, do you think I'm doing the right thing? Tell the truth. You've been through it. Well, you waited for good reason, and you proposed to Christine for some good reason. So I think it's great. It's time. You've got to have your eyes open, that's all. I mean, look at me. I thought Victoria and I were set for life. +Well, you waited for good reason, and you proposed to Christine for some good reason. So I think it's great. It's time. You've got to have your eyes open, that's all. I mean, look at me. I thought Victoria and I were set for life. Christine's dad -- he's been talking about bringing me into his property business. Showing me the ropes. And that's something, considering how long it took him to get over I'm not Armenian. So I'm thinking about it. But I don't know, might get a little incestuous. But Mike does pretty well. A lot of high-end commercial stuff. +Christine's dad -- he's been talking about bringing me into his property business. Showing me the ropes. And that's something, considering how long it took him to get over I'm not Armenian. So I'm thinking about it. But I don't know, might get a little incestuous. But Mike does pretty well. A lot of high-end commercial stuff. So you're going to stop acting? +So you're going to stop acting? No way. This would just provide some stability is what I'm saying. I can always squeeze in an audition or a commercial here and there, you know, keep myself in the game in case something big comes along. +No way. This would just provide some stability is what I'm saying. I can always squeeze in an audition or a commercial here and there, you know, keep myself in the game in case something big comes along. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. We're not getting any younger, right? And my career, well, it's gotten pretty, you know, frustrating. Even with my new manager. Maybe it's time to settle down. +We're not getting any younger, right? And my career, well, it's gotten pretty, you know, frustrating. Even with my new manager. Maybe it's time to settle down. If that's what feels right. +If that's what feels right. It does. Feels right. +It does. Feels right. Then it's a good thing. +Then it's a good thing. Yeah. It's good. Feels good. +Yeah. Tight. Pour us a couple. +Here's to my last week of freedom. It's going to be great. Here's to us. +Oh, yeah. That's Maya. You know her? +You know her? Sure I know Maya. +Sure I know Maya. You know that chick? +You know that chick? Jack, this is where I eat when I come up here. It's practically my office. And sometimes I have a drink with the employees. Maya's great. She's worked here about a year, maybe a year and a half. +Jack, this is where I eat when I come up here. It's practically my office. And sometimes I have a drink with the employees. Maya's great. She's worked here about a year, maybe a year and a half. She is very hot. +She is very hot. And very nice. And very married. Check out the rock. +Doesn't mean shit. When Christine was a hostess at Sushi Roku, she wore a big engagement ring to keep guys from hitting on her. Think it worked? Fuck no. How do you think I met her? This gal's married to I think a Philosophy professor at UC Santa Barbara. +This gal's married to I think a Philosophy professor at UC Santa Barbara. So what's a professor's wife doing waitressing? Obviously that's over. +So what's a professor's wife doing waitressing? Obviously that's over. You don't know anything about this woman. Calm down. Let's just eat, okay? The duck is excellent and pairs nicely with the Highliner Pinot. +Jesus, she's jammin'. And she likes you. What else do you know about her? Well, she does know a lot about wine. +Well, she does know a lot about wine. Ooooooohh. Now we're getting somewhere. +Ooooooohh. Now we're getting somewhere. And she likes Pinot. +And she likes Pinot. Perfect. +Perfect. Jack, she's a fucking waitress in Buellton. How would that ever work? +Jack, she's a fucking waitress in Buellton. How would that ever work? Why do you always focus on the negative? Didn't you see how friendly she was to you? +Why do you always focus on the negative? Didn't you see how friendly she was to you? She works for tips! +She works for tips! You're blind, dude. Blind. +The girl is looking to party, and you tell her we're going to go back to our motel room and crash? Jesus, Miles! Well, I'm tired. Aren't you tired? +Well, I'm tired. Aren't you tired? The chick digs you. She lit up like a pinball machine when she heard your novel was getting published. +The chick digs you. She lit up like a pinball machine when she heard your novel was getting published. Now I've got another lie to live down. Thanks, Jack. +Now I've got another lie to live down. Thanks, Jack. I'm trying to get you some action, but you've got to help me out just a little bit. +I'm trying to get you some action, but you've got to help me out just a little bit. Didn't seem to me like that's what was going on. You were all over her. +Didn't seem to me like that's what was going on. You were all over her. Somebody had to do the talking. And by the way, I was right. She's not married. +Somebody had to do the talking. And by the way, I was right. She's not married. How do you know? +How do you know? No rock. When she came to the bar, sans rock. +Single. Waitress. Getting off work. Looking for love. A little slap and tickle. Shut up. +Shut up. She probably went home, lit some candles, put on some relaxing music, took a nice hot bath, and laid down on her bed with her favorite vibrator. +Have you no shame? Oooh. Oh. Miles. Miles. +Oooh. Oh. Miles. Miles. Fuck you. +"So what're we going to have? Pigs in a blanket? The ""rancher's special breakfast""? Or maybe just some grease and fat with a side of lard?" So what's the plan today? +So what's the plan today? We head north, begin the grape tour up there, make our way south so the more we drink the closer we get to the motel. +I am going to get my nut on this trip, Miles. And you are not going to fuck it up for me with all your depression and anxiety and neg-head downer shit. Ooooh, now the cards are on the table. +Ooooh, now the cards are on the table. Yes they are. And I'm serious. Do not fuck with me. I am going to get laid before I settle down on Saturday. Do you read me? +Yes they are. And I'm serious. Do not fuck with me. I am going to get laid before I settle down on Saturday. Do you read me? Sure, big guy. Whatever you say. It's your party. I'm sorry I'm in the way and dragging you down. Maybe you'd have a better time on your own. You take the car. I'll catch the train back. +Sure, big guy. Whatever you say. It's your party. I'm sorry I'm in the way and dragging you down. Maybe you'd have a better time on your own. You take the car. I'll catch the train back. No, see, I want both of us to get crazy. We should both be cutting loose. I mean, this is our last chance. This is our week! It should be something we share. +Nice, huh? Beautiful. +Beautiful. Victoria and I used to like this view. Once we had a picnic here and drank a '95 Opus One. With smoked salmon and artichokes, but we didn't care. +Victoria and I used to like this view. Once we had a picnic here and drank a '95 Opus One. With smoked salmon and artichokes, but we didn't care. Miles. +Miles. She has the best palate of any woman I've ever known. She could even differentiate Italian wines. +She has the best palate of any woman I've ever known. She could even differentiate Italian wines. Miles, I gotta tell you something. Victoria's coming to the wedding. +Miles, I gotta tell you something. Victoria's coming to the wedding. I know. You told me. I'm okay with it. +I know. You told me. I'm okay with it. Yeah, but that's not the whole story. She got remarried. +Yeah, but that's not the whole story. She got remarried. She what? When? +She what? When? About a month ago. Six weeks. +About a month ago. Six weeks. To that guy? That guy with the restaurant... +Jesus Christ, Miles. Get out! I want to go home now. +I want to go home now. You've been divorced for two years already. People move on. She has! It's like you enjoy self-pity. Makes you feel special or something. +You've been divorced for two years already. People move on. She has! It's like you enjoy self-pity. Makes you feel special or something. Is she bringing him to the wedding? +Is she bringing him to the wedding? What do you think? +What do you think? You drop this bombshell on me. Why didn't you tell me before? +You drop this bombshell on me. Why didn't you tell me before? Because I knew you'd freak out and probably get so depressed you wouldn't even come on this trip. But then I figured here would be the best place to tell you. We're here to forget about all that shit. We're here to party! +Because I knew you'd freak out and probably get so depressed you wouldn't even come on this trip. But then I figured here would be the best place to tell you. We're here to forget about all that shit. We're here to party! I'm going to be a fucking pariah. Everyone's just going to be holding their breath to see if I'm going to get drunk and make a scene. Plus Tony fucking Levin? +I'm going to be a fucking pariah. Everyone's just going to be holding their breath to see if I'm going to get drunk and make a scene. Plus Tony fucking Levin? No, no, no. It's cool. I talked to Victoria. She's cool. Everyone's cool. +No, no, no. It's cool. I talked to Victoria. She's cool. Everyone's cool. You've all been talking about it? Behind my back? Talking about it? +You gotta excuse him. Yesterday he didn't know Pinot Noir from film noir. I'm a quick learner. +A bad girl, Miles. She might need to be spanked. Do you know how often these pourers get hit on? +Get the trunk. You have the keys. +We're on. What? +What? She called Maya, who's not working tonight, so we're all going out. +She called Maya, who's not working tonight, so we're all going out. With Maya? +With Maya? Been divorced for a year now, bud. +Stephanie, holy shit. Chick had it all going on. Well, she is cute. +Well, she is cute. Cute? She's a fucking hottie. And you almost tell her I'm getting married. What's the matter with you? Gotta love it. Gotta love it. +You know how often these pourers get hit on? I'm going for a swim. Get the blood flowing. Want to come? Nah. I want to watch this. +So what should I wear? I don't know. Casual but nice. They think you're a writer. +Please just try to be your normal humorous self, okay? Like who you were before the tailspin. Do you remember that guy? People love that guy. And don't forget -- your novel is coming out in the fall. Oh yeah? How exciting. What's it called? +Oh yeah? How exciting. What's it called? Do not sabotage me. If you want to be a lightweight, that's your call. But do not sabotage me. +Do not sabotage me. If you want to be a lightweight, that's your call. But do not sabotage me. Aye-aye, captain. +Aye-aye, captain. And if they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot. +And if they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot. If anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am not drinking any fucking Merlot! +If anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am not drinking any fucking Merlot! Okay, okay. Relax, Miles, Jesus. No Merlot. Did you bring your Xanax? +And don't drink too much. I don't want you going to the dark side or passing out. Do you hear me? No going to the dark side. Okay! Fuck! +Pull yourself together, man. I'm fine! +Where were you? Bathroom. +Bathroom. Did you drink and dial? +Stop it. You are blowing a great opportunity here, Miles. Fucking Maya, man. She's great. She's cool. She's funny. She knows wine. What is this morose come-down bullshit? These girls want to party. And what was that fucking ten-minute lecture on, what was it, Vouvrays? I mean, come on! Let's just say I'm uncomfortable with the whole scenario. +Let's just say I'm uncomfortable with the whole scenario. Oh Jesus, Miles. +And don't forget all the bad times you had with Victoria. How small she make you feel. That's why you had the affair in the first place. Shut up. Shut your face. +Shut up. Shut your face. Don't you see how Maya's looking at you? You got her on the hook. Reel her in! Come on, let's rachet this up a notch. You know how to to do it. Here. Drink some agua. +Goddamn, Miles, she is nasty. Nasty nasty nasty. Well, I'm glad you got it out of your system. Congratulations. Mission accomplished. +Oh, hey, change of plans. Steph's off today, so she and I are going on a hike. We were supposed to play golf. +We were supposed to play golf. You go. In fact, use my clubs. They're brand new -- gift from Christine's dad. It's on me. Oh, say, by the way, Stephanie and me were thinking we'd all go to the Hitching Post tonight and sit at one of Maya's tables, and she'll bring us some great wines and then we can all -- +You go. In fact, use my clubs. They're brand new -- gift from Christine's dad. It's on me. Oh, say, by the way, Stephanie and me were thinking we'd all go to the Hitching Post tonight and sit at one of Maya's tables, and she'll bring us some great wines and then we can all -- Count me out. +Count me out. Oooh, I see. Didn't go so good last night, huh? That's a shocker. You mean getting drunk and calling Victoria didn't put you in the mood? You dumb fuck. Your divorce pain's getting real old real fast, dude. +Later. Yeah, well, maybe you should check your messages first. +Oh, boy. She's been leaving messages here too. +She's been leaving messages here too. Yeah. Okay. +You should call her. I will. See ya! +I will. See ya! Right now. +Right now. Okay! Jesus! +What'd Christine say? Lucked out -- got voice mail. Everything's cool. +Hey, there you are. Yep. +Yep. What're you drinking? +Where is Stephanie? Upstairs. Getting cleaned up. +Upstairs. Getting cleaned up. What the fuck are you doing? +What the fuck are you doing? What? +What? With this chick. +Does she know about Saturday? Um... not exactly. But I've been honest. I haven't told her I'm available. And she knows this trip up here is only for a few days. Besides... +Besides what? Well... I don't know, just... the wedding. +Well... I don't know, just... the wedding. What? +What? Well, I've been doing some thinking. +Well, I've been doing some thinking. Oh, you've been thinking. And? +Oh, you've been thinking. And? I may have to put the wedding on hold is all. +Being with Stephanie has opened my eyes. She's not uptight or controlling. She's just cool. Things are so easy with her. Smells different. Tastes different. Fucks different. Fucks like an animal. I'm telling you, I went deep last night, Miles. Deep. Deep. +I was hoping to get some understanding from you. And I'm not getting it. Understanding of what? +Understanding of what? Like I might be in love with another woman. +Like I might be in love with another woman. In love? Twenty-four hours with some wine-pourer chick and you think you're in love? And give up everything? +In love? Twenty-four hours with some wine-pourer chick and you think you're in love? And give up everything? Look who's talking. You've been there. +Look who's talking. You've been there. Yes I have, and do I look like a happy man? Was all that drama with Brenda a happy thing for me to do? Huh? Was it? Is she a part of my life now? +Yes I have, and do I look like a happy man? Was all that drama with Brenda a happy thing for me to do? Huh? Was it? Is she a part of my life now? This is totally different. I'm talking about avoiding what you're talking about. That's the distinction. I have not made the commitment yet. I am not married. I have not said the words. In a few days, I might get married, and if I do, then I won't be doing stuff like this anymore. Otherwise, what's the whole point of getting married? +This is totally different. I'm talking about avoiding what you're talking about. That's the distinction. I have not made the commitment yet. I am not married. I have not said the words. In a few days, I might get married, and if I do, then I won't be doing stuff like this anymore. Otherwise, what's the whole point of getting married? And what about Stephanie? She's a woman -- with a kid. A single mom. What do you think she's looking for? Huh? +And what about Stephanie? She's a woman -- with a kid. A single mom. What do you think she's looking for? Huh? Here's what I'm thinking. We move up here, you and me, buy a vineyard. You design your own wine; I'll handle the business side. Then you get inspired and write a new novel. As for me, if an audition comes along, hell, LA'S two hours away. Not even. +Here's what I'm thinking. We move up here, you and me, buy a vineyard. You design your own wine; I'll handle the business side. Then you get inspired and write a new novel. As for me, if an audition comes along, hell, LA'S two hours away. Not even. You're crazy. You've gone crazy. +You're crazy. You've gone crazy. What do you care anyway? You don't even like Christine. +What do you care anyway? You don't even like Christine. What? Of course I like Christine. +What? Of course I like Christine. You said she was shallow. Yeah, and a nouveau riche. +You said she was shallow. Yeah, and a nouveau riche. That was three years ago after that first party! +That was three years ago after that first party! Look, Miles, all I know is I'm an actor. All I have is my instinct. My intuition -- that's all I have. And you're asking me to go against it. And that's just wrong. +Listen, I'm going to make sure Steph and Siena get home safe, and then maybe we'll hook up with you later, okay? Sure, whatever. Maybe I'll catch a movie. +Call me on my cell if you go out. Yeah. +That's a public course. No Stephanie? She's working. I need a break anyway. She's getting a little clingy. This is our day! +Did you ever got ahold of Maya yesterday? Nope. +Nope. She likes you, man. Stephanie'll tell you. +She likes you, man. Stephanie'll tell you. Can you give me some room here? +Can you give me some room here? Oh yeah. Sure. +You know, in life you gotta strike when the iron's hot. Thanks, Jack. +Nice shot. You're an asshole. +What about your agent? Hear anything yet? Nope. +Nope. What do you think's going on? +What do you think's going on? Could be anything. +Could be anything. Been checking your messages? +Been checking your messages? Obsessively. +Obsessively. Huh. +Huh. They probably think my book is such a piece of shit that it's not even worthy of a response. I guess I'll just have to learn how to kiss off three years of my life. +They probably think my book is such a piece of shit that it's not even worthy of a response. I guess I'll just have to learn how to kiss off three years of my life. But you don't know yet, so your negativity's a bit premature, wouldn't you say? +Don't come over the top. Stay still. Shut up. +Shut up. Just trying to be helpful. It's all about stillness, Miles. Inner quiet. +Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! What's the matter with you, man? SHUT UP! Why are you so hostile? I know you're frustrated with your life right now, but you can choose not to be so hostile. Here. +What is it? I don't know. Got it from Stephanie. +Fucker hit into us. Hey, asshole! That's not cool! +Hey, asshole! That's not cool! Throw me his ball. +Just don't give up on Maya. Cool smart chicks like that --they like persistence. I don't want to talk about it. +I don't want to talk about it. All I know is she's beautiful. Lots of soul. Perfect for you. I'm not going to feel good about this trip until you guys hook up. Don't you just want to feel that cozy little box grip down on your Johnson? +Is it the money thing? Is what the money thing? +Is what the money thing? With Maya. +With Maya. Well, yeah, that's part of it. Woman finds out how I live, that I'm not a published author, that I'm a liar essentially, then yeah, any interest is gonna evaporate real quick. If you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game. You're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir. +Well, yeah, that's part of it. Woman finds out how I live, that I'm not a published author, that I'm a liar essentially, then yeah, any interest is gonna evaporate real quick. If you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game. You're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir. Is an abattoir like a... like a... what is that? +Is an abattoir like a... like a... what is that? Slaughterhouse. +Slaughterhouse. Abattoir. Huh. But you are going to get the good news this week about your book. I know you are. I can feel it. +We're on. What's happening? +What's happening? We're going to have some fun. Remember fun? We're going to have some of it. Okay? +We're going to have some fun. Remember fun? We're going to have some of it. Okay? What exactly are we going to do? +What exactly are we going to do? I said okay? +I said okay? You have to tell me -- +You have to tell me -- I SAID OKAY? +You ever actually read any of this guy's books? He wrote a great one on Burgundy, and I used to get his newsletter, but then there were doubts about whether he does all his own tasting. Plus a couple of times he declared certain years vintages of the century, and they turned out to be turkeys. Fucker never retracted. +He wrote a great one on Burgundy, and I used to get his newsletter, but then there were doubts about whether he does all his own tasting. Plus a couple of times he declared certain years vintages of the century, and they turned out to be turkeys. Fucker never retracted. Huh. +Yo! Yo! Here's my boy! Here's my boy! Who's your daddy, boy? Who is yo' daddy? Put me down, Jack. +So tell me everything. Details. I like details. No. +No. What? +What? It's private. +It's private. You're kidding, right? Tell me what happened, you fucker, or I'll tie your dick in a knot. +You're kidding, right? Tell me what happened, you fucker, or I'll tie your dick in a knot. Let's leave it alone. +You didn't get any, did you? You're a homo. Just stop, okay? Make something up, and that's what happened. Whatever you want. Write my confession, and I'll sign it. Just stop pushing me all the time! I can't take it! You're an infant! This is all a big party for you, but not for me! This is serious. And you -- Just... leave me alone, okay? You're fucking me up. +Just stop, okay? Make something up, and that's what happened. Whatever you want. Write my confession, and I'll sign it. Just stop pushing me all the time! I can't take it! You're an infant! This is all a big party for you, but not for me! This is serious. And you -- Just... leave me alone, okay? You're fucking me up. Wow. Okay. Calm down. Sorry. +Did you have trouble performing? Yeah, that's... Shut up! Shut up, Jack! +This whole week has gone sour. It isn't turning out like it was supposed to. I want to go home. Who's being selfish now? I'm the one getting married. I thought this week was supposed to be about me. +Who's being selfish now? I'm the one getting married. I thought this week was supposed to be about me. We gotta slow down. I'm so tired. Let's just get out of here. +We gotta slow down. I'm so tired. Let's just get out of here. I know what you need. +Do you like them? Yeah, they're great. Sporty. They're really sporty. +Yeah, they're great. Sporty. They're really sporty. Are they too sporty? +How about this one? We didn't hit this one. Yeah, it's Frass Canyon. It's a joke. +Yeah, it's Frass Canyon. It's a joke. You ever actually been in there, Miles? +You ever actually been in there, Miles? I don't have to. +I don't have to. I say we check it out. You never know. +Tastes like the back of a fucking LA schoolbus. Probably didn't de-stem, hoping for some semblance of concentration, crushed it up with leaves and mice, wound up with this rancid tar and turpentine mouthwash bullshit. Fucking Raid. I don't know. Tastes okay to me. Hey, they got a reserve pinot. +I don't know. Tastes okay to me. Hey, they got a reserve pinot. Let me use your phone. +Let me use your phone. What's up? +What's up? I can't take it anymore. I've got to call Evelyn. +Just write another one. You have lots of ideas, right? No, I'm finished. I'm not a writer. I'm a middle-school English teacher. I'm going to spend the rest of my life grading essays and reading the works of others. It's okay. I like books. The world doesn't give a shit what I have to say. I'm unnecessary. I'm so insignificant, I can't even kill myself. +No, I'm finished. I'm not a writer. I'm a middle-school English teacher. I'm going to spend the rest of my life grading essays and reading the works of others. It's okay. I like books. The world doesn't give a shit what I have to say. I'm unnecessary. I'm so insignificant, I can't even kill myself. What's that supposed to mean? +What's that supposed to mean? You know -- Hemingway, Sexton, Woolf, Plath, Delmore Schwartz. You can't kill yourself before you've even been published. +You know -- Hemingway, Sexton, Woolf, Plath, Delmore Schwartz. You can't kill yourself before you've even been published. What about that guy who wrote Confederacy of Dunces? He committed suicide before he got published, and look how famous he is. +What about that guy who wrote Confederacy of Dunces? He committed suicide before he got published, and look how famous he is. Thanks. +Thanks. Don't give up. You're going to make it. +Don't give up. You're going to make it. Half my life is over, and I have nothing to show for it. I'm a thumbprint on the window of a skyscraper. I'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage. +Half my life is over, and I have nothing to show for it. I'm a thumbprint on the window of a skyscraper. I'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage. See? Right there. Just what you just said. That's beautiful. A thumbprint on a skyscraper. I couldn't write that. +See? Right there. Just what you just said. That's beautiful. A thumbprint on a skyscraper. I couldn't write that. Neither could I. I think it's Bukowski. +Aren't you glad you didn't move up here and marry her? Don't need a lecture. You fucking told Maya, didn't you? +Don't need a lecture. You fucking told Maya, didn't you? No, I did not. Must have been Gary at the Hitching Post. I think we mentioned it to him the first night. +No, I did not. Must have been Gary at the Hitching Post. I think we mentioned it to him the first night. You told him. I'm fucking hurting here. +You told him. I'm fucking hurting here. Keep it elevated. +Well? I'm going to need an operation. Maybe a couple of them. They have to wait for it it to heal first. Then they break it again. +I'm going to need an operation. Maybe a couple of them. They have to wait for it it to heal first. Then they break it again. Good thing you have a voice-over career. +Good thing you have a voice-over career. Gonna fuck that up too. I should sue her ass. Only reason I won't is to protect Christine. +Gonna fuck that up too. I should sue her ass. Only reason I won't is to protect Christine. That's thoughtful. +That's thoughtful. Yeah. +So how did Stephanie know it was Saturday? We didn't get into that with Gary. Huh. Let me think. +Huh. Let me think. You sure you didn't say anything to Maya? +You sure you didn't say anything to Maya? Sure I'm sure. And just what are you implying? I'm really pissed off at you about all this, if you want to know the truth. What's Maya going to think of me now just for associating with you? You're the one who's sabotaging me, not the other way around, pal. Not by a longshot. +What's it look like to you? Looks like you were in a bad car accident. +You know what I'm thinking? What's that? +What's that? I'm thinking it's time to settle down. One woman. One house. You know. It's time. +I'm thinking it's time to settle down. One woman. One house. You know. It's time. Uh-huh. +I bet you that chick is two tons of fun. You know, the grateful type. I don't know. I wouldn't know. +She gets off in an hour, so I think I'm just going to have a drink and then... make sure she gets home safe. You're joking, right? What are you doing? Un-fucking- believeable. Can we just go back to the hotel and hang out and get up early and play nine holes before we head home? +Fucking chick's married. What? +What? Her husband works a night shift or something, and he comes home, and I'm on the floor with my cock in his wife's ass. +Her husband works a night shift or something, and he comes home, and I'm on the floor with my cock in his wife's ass. Jesus, Jack. Jesus. And you walked all the way back from Solvang? +Jesus, Jack. Jesus. And you walked all the way back from Solvang? Ran. Twisted my ankle too. +Ran. Twisted my ankle too. That's five clicks, Jackson. +That's five clicks, Jackson. Fucking-a it's five clicks! At one point I had to cut through an ostrich farm. Fuckers are mean. +We gotta go back. What? +What? I left my wallet. My credit cards, cash, fucking ID, everything. We gotta go back. +I left my wallet. My credit cards, cash, fucking ID, everything. We gotta go back. Big deal. We'll call right now and cancel your cards. +Big deal. We'll call right now and cancel your cards. You don't understand. The wedding bands. The wedding bands are in my wallet. +You don't understand. The wedding bands. The wedding bands are in my wallet. Okay, so they were in your wallet, and you left your wallet somewhere. Some bar. Christine'll understand. +Okay, so they were in your wallet, and you left your wallet somewhere. Some bar. Christine'll understand. No. She ordered them special. Took her forever to find them. They've got this design on them with dolphins and our names engraved in Sanskrit. We've got to go back. Christine'll fucking crucify me. +No. She ordered them special. Took her forever to find them. They've got this design on them with dolphins and our names engraved in Sanskrit. We've got to go back. Christine'll fucking crucify me. No way. No way. +No way. No way. Please, Miles, please. +Please, Miles, please. Forget it. Your wallet was stolen at a bar. Happens every day. +She tell you she was married? Yeah. +Yeah. So what the fuck were you thinking? +So what the fuck were you thinking? Wasn't supposed to be back till six. Fucker rolls in at five. +Wasn't supposed to be back till six. Fucker rolls in at five. Cutting it a little close, don't you think? So how was she? Compared to Stephanie, say. +Cutting it a little close, don't you think? So how was she? Compared to Stephanie, say. Horny as shit. Flopping around like a landed trout. +So what's the plan? The plan is... you go. +The plan is... you go. Me? +Me? My ankle. Just go explain the situation. +My ankle. Just go explain the situation. Uh, excuse me, sir, but my friend was the one balling your wife a couple hours ago, and he seems to have left his wallet behind, and we were wondering... +Uh, excuse me, sir, but my friend was the one balling your wife a couple hours ago, and he seems to have left his wallet behind, and we were wondering... Yeah, yeah. Like that. Just like that. +Fuck you. I'll get it myself. Hold on. +Hey, Jack. Jack. Hrnrnrn? +Hrnrnrn? That was quite a day yesterday. +Yep. Quite a day. Quite a week. +Want me to drive? No, I'm okay. +No, I'm okay. Hey, why don't you invite Maya to the wedding? +Hey, why don't you invite Maya to the wedding? Somehow I don't think inviting Maya to your wedding is the right move. In fact, after your bullshit, it's going to be hard for me to even go to the Hitching Post again. +Somehow I don't think inviting Maya to your wedding is the right move. In fact, after your bullshit, it's going to be hard for me to even go to the Hitching Post again. You're so negative. +Come on, let me drive. I'm fine. You rest. +I'm fine. You rest. I feel like driving. +What's wrong? Nothing. Buckle up, okay? +What the fuck! You said it looked like a car accident. +You said it looked like a car accident. What the fuck! +What the fuck! I'll pay for it. +Look at this! I don't know. Doesn't look like anybody got hurt in this one. +I don't know. Doesn't look like anybody got hurt in this one. Oh, no. Oh, Christ. No, you don't. +Oh, no. Oh, Christ. No, you don't. You need a new car anyway. +You broke some. Whatever. Sorry. +Whatever. Sorry. No, not whatever. You fucking derelict. +Well. That about does it. Why don't you come in? +Why don't you come in? Uh-uh. You're on your own. +Uh-uh. You're on your own. So I'll see you at the rehearsal. +So I'll see you at the rehearsal. Yeah. +Love you, man. Back at you. +Hey, don't pull away till they see the car. Yeah. Hey, why wasn't I injured? +Yeah. Hey, why wasn't I injured? You were wearing your belt. +Hey, Miles. Good to see you. Maya, how are you? +Maya, how are you? I'm doing good, good. You look great. Did you lose some weight? +I'm doing good, good. You look great. Did you lose some weight? Oh, no, actually. Busy night. +Oh, no, actually. Busy night. Oh yeah, Sunday night. You guys been out tasting today? +Oh yeah, Sunday night. You guys been out tasting today? You know it. This is my friend Jack. Jack, Maya. +You want to join us? Sure. +So how's that book of yours going, Miles? I think you were almost done with it last time we talked. I finished it. +I finished it. Good for you. +Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a long drive up here. Where're you staying? The Windmill. +Well, good to see you, Miles. Jack. See you. +What are you drinking? A Fiddlehead Sauvignon Blanc. +A Fiddlehead Sauvignon Blanc. Oh yeah? How is it? +Oh yeah? How is it? Try it. +Nice. Very nice. Twelve months in oak. +Twelve months in oak. On a Sauvignon Blanc? +On a Sauvignon Blanc? I know the winemaker. She comes in the restaurant all the time. +I know the winemaker. She comes in the restaurant all the time. This is good. Little hints of clove. +This is good. Little hints of clove. I know. I love that. +I'm having the salmon. That's what I'm having. +Are you all right? Fine. Just slipped. This is my blood. +Hi. Hey. +Hey. She got anything good? +She got anything good? Oh, yeah. Steph's way into Pinots and Syrahs. Hey, Steph? You sure we can open anything? Anything we want? +So what gems do you have in your collection? Not much of a collection really. I haven't had the wallet for that, so I sort of live bottle to bottle. But I've got a couple things I'm saving. I guess the star would be a 1961 Cheval Blanc. +Not much of a collection really. I haven't had the wallet for that, so I sort of live bottle to bottle. But I've got a couple things I'm saving. I guess the star would be a 1961 Cheval Blanc. You've got a '61 Cheval Blanc that's just sitting there? Go get it. Right now. Hurry up... +Seriously, the '61s are peaking, aren't they? At least that's what I've read. Yeah, I know. +Yeah, I know. It might be too late already. What are you waiting for? +It might be too late already. What are you waiting for? I don't know. Special occasion. With the right person. It was supposed to be for my tenth wedding anniversary. +The day you open a '61 Cheval Blanc, that's the special occasion. How long have you been into wine? +How long have you been into wine? I started to get serious about seven years ago. +I started to get serious about seven years ago. What was the bottle that did it? +What was the bottle that did it? Eighty-eight Sassicaia. +Wow. We gotta give it a moment, but this is tasty. Really good. How about you? I think they overdid it a bit. Too much alcohol. Overwhelms the fruit. +I think they overdid it a bit. Too much alcohol. Overwhelms the fruit. Yeah, I'd say you're right on the money. +Is this Stephanie's kid? Sure is cute. Yeah, Siena's a sweetie. +Yeah, Siena's a sweetie. Is she sleeping or...? +Is she sleeping or...? She's with her grandmother. She's with Steph's mom. She spends a lot of time over there. Steph's... well, she's Stephanie. +You got kids? Who me? Nah, I'd just fuck them up. That was the one unpolluted part of my divorce -- no kids. +Who me? Nah, I'd just fuck them up. That was the one unpolluted part of my divorce -- no kids. Yeah, same here. +It's kind of weird sitting here with you in Stephanie's house. All those times you came into the restaurant. It's like you're a real person now. Almost. Yeah, I know. It's kind of weird. Out of context. +Yeah, I know. It's kind of weird. Out of context. Yeah, weird. But great. +Yeah, weird. But great. Yeah. Definitely. +So what's your novel about? Well, it's a little difficult to summarize. It begins as a first-person account of a guy taking care of his father after a stroke. Kind of based on personal experience, but only loosely. +Well, it's a little difficult to summarize. It begins as a first-person account of a guy taking care of his father after a stroke. Kind of based on personal experience, but only loosely. What's the title? +What's the title? """The Day After Yesterday.""" +"""The Day After Yesterday.""" Oh. You mean... today? +Oh. You mean... today? Um... yeah but it's more... +Um... yeah but it's more... So is it kind of about death and mortality, or...? +So is it kind of about death and mortality, or...? Mrnmm, yeah... but not really. It shifts around a lot. Like you also start to see everything from the point of view of the father. And some other stuff happens, some parallel narrative, and then it evolves -- or devolves -- into a kind of a Robbe-Grillet mystery -- you know, with no real resolution. +Mrnmm, yeah... but not really. It shifts around a lot. Like you also start to see everything from the point of view of the father. And some other stuff happens, some parallel narrative, and then it evolves -- or devolves -- into a kind of a Robbe-Grillet mystery -- you know, with no real resolution. Wow. Anyway, I think it's amazing you're getting it published. Really. I know how hard it is. Just to write it even. +Wow. Anyway, I think it's amazing you're getting it published. Really. I know how hard it is. Just to write it even. Yeah. Thanks. +Yeah. Thanks. Like me, I have this stupid paper due on Friday, and as usual I'm freaked out about it. Just like in high school. It never changes. +Like me, I have this stupid paper due on Friday, and as usual I'm freaked out about it. Just like in high school. It never changes. A paper? +A paper? Yeah. I'm working on a masters in horticulture. Chipping away at it. +Yeah. I'm working on a masters in horticulture. Chipping away at it. Horticulture? Wow. I didn't know there was a college here. +Horticulture? Wow. I didn't know there was a college here. I commute to San Luis Obispo twice a week. +I commute to San Luis Obispo twice a week. So... you want to work for a winery or something someday? +So... you want to work for a winery or something someday? Well... +Well... I do have a copy of the manuscript in the car. It's not fully proofed, but if you're okay with a few typos... +I do have a copy of the manuscript in the car. It's not fully proofed, but if you're okay with a few typos... Oh yeah. Who cares? I'm the queen of typos. Wow, this is really starting to open up. What do you think? +Oh yeah. Who cares? I'm the queen of typos. Wow, this is really starting to open up. What do you think? My palate's kind of shot, but from what I can tell, I'd dub it pretty damn good. +My palate's kind of shot, but from what I can tell, I'd dub it pretty damn good. Can I ask you a personal question? +Can I ask you a personal question? Sure. +Sure. Why are you so into Pinot? It's like a thing with you. +I mean, Cabernets can be powerful and exalting, but they seem prosaic to me for some reason. By comparison. How about you? What about me? +What about me? I don't know. Why are you into wine? +I don't know. Why are you into wine? I suppose I got really into wine originally through my ex-husband. He had a big, kind of show-off cellar. But then I found out that I have a really sharp palate, and the more I drank, the more I liked what it made me think about. +I suppose I got really into wine originally through my ex-husband. He had a big, kind of show-off cellar. But then I found out that I have a really sharp palate, and the more I drank, the more I liked what it made me think about. Yeah? Like what? +Yeah? Like what? Like what a fraud he was. +Bathroom over there? Yeah. +You know how to get back to the Windmill, right? Got it. +Got it. I had a good time tonight, Miles. I really did. +I had a good time tonight, Miles. I really did. Good. So did I. +Good. So did I. Okay. See you around. +Okay. See you around. Um... did you still want to read my novel? +Um... did you still want to read my novel? Oh, yeah. Sure. Of course. +Hope you like it. Feel free to stop reading at any time. I'll take no offense. Goodnight, Miles. +Hey, Miles, I heard you came by the restaurant last night looking for me. Oh, yeah. No. I mean yeah, I stopped by for a drink. Didn't see you. +Oh, yeah. No. I mean yeah, I stopped by for a drink. Didn't see you. I had class. +I had class. Well, nice to see you now. +Well, nice to see you now. You too. +You guys should stop by the restaurant for lunch today. Great. What's the latest we can get there? +Great. What's the latest we can get there? About two-thirty. +About two-thirty. Okay. +Okay. Did you hear about this Bordeaux tasting dinner down in Santa Barbara Saturday night? It's a little pricey, but if you wanted to go, I'd be into it. Why don't you stay through the weekend? +No, we've got to get back Friday for the rehearsal dinner. What rehearsal dinner? +Were you ever going to say anything? Of course I was. I mean, just now I could have made up some story, but I didn't. I told you the truth. +Maya. Don't touch me. Just take me home. +I've told him. I've told him over and over, but he's out of control. Do you know what he's been saying to her? +Do you know what he's been saying to her? He's an actor, so it can't be good. +He's an actor, so it can't be good. Oh, just that he loves her. That she's the only woman who has ever really rocked his world. How he adores Siena. How he wants to move up here and get a place with the two of them and commute when he has to. +Oh, just that he loves her. That she's the only woman who has ever really rocked his world. How he adores Siena. How he wants to move up here and get a place with the two of them and commute when he has to. I'm sure he believed every word. +Please believe me. I was even on the verge of telling you last night, but... But you wanted to fuck me first. +But you wanted to fuck me first. Oh, Maya. No. +Oh, Maya. No. Yeah. +You know, I just spent three years trying to extricate myself from a relationship that turned out to be full of deception. And I've been doing just fine. And I haven't been with anyone since my divorce. This has been a big deal for me, Maya -- hanging out with you, and last night. I really like you, Maya. And I'm not Jack. I'm just his... his freshman roommate from San Diego State. +Hi. It's Maya. Please leave a message. It's Miles. Listen, I don't know if you even care, but I had to call and tell you again how much I enjoyed our time together and how sorry I am things turned out the way they did. I think you're great, Maya -- always have. From the first time you waited on me. And while I'm at it, I guess you should know that my book is not getting published. I thought this one had a chance, but I was wrong. Again. Don't bother reading it -- you've got better things to do. So you see I'm not much of a writer. I'm not anything really. The only real talent I seem to have is for disappointing people and now you know that firsthand. We're leaving in the morning, and I want you to know that I take with me wonderful memories of you. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. +Hello? Victoria. +Victoria. Miles? +Victoria! How the hell are you? Fine. What's, uh, what's on your mind? +Fine. What's, uh, what's on your mind? Heard you got remarried! Congratulations. Didn't think you had the stomach for another go-round. +Heard you got remarried! Congratulations. Didn't think you had the stomach for another go-round. Oh, Miles. You're drunk. +Oh, Miles. You're drunk. Just some local Pinot, you know, then a little Burgundy. That old Cotes de Beaune! +Where are you? A little place in Los Olivos. New owners. Cozy ambiance. Excellent food too -- you should try it. Thought of you at the Hitching Post last night. +Hello? Miles, don't call me when you're drunk. +Miles, don't call me when you're drunk. I just wanted you to know I've decided not to go to the wedding, so in case you were dreading some uncomfortable, you know, run-in or something, well, worry no more. You won't see me there. My wedding gift to you and what's- his-name. What is his name? +I just wanted you to know I've decided not to go to the wedding, so in case you were dreading some uncomfortable, you know, run-in or something, well, worry no more. You won't see me there. My wedding gift to you and what's- his-name. What is his name? Ken. +Ken. Ken. +Ken. Miles, I don't care if you come to the wedding or not. +Miles, I don't care if you come to the wedding or not. Well, I'm not coming, Barbie. So you guys have fun. +Well, I'm not coming, Barbie. So you guys have fun. I'm going to hang up now, Miles. +I'm going to hang up now, Miles. You see, Vicki, I just heard about this today, you getting married that is, and I was kind of taken aback. Kind of hard to believe. +I guess I just thought there was still some hope for us somewhere down the road and I just, I just -- Miles, maybe it is better if you don't come to the wedding. +Hi, Vicki. You look beautiful. Thanks. Um, this is Ken Cortland, my husband. +That was big of him. Yeah, he's good that way. Very considerate. +Yeah, he's good that way. Very considerate. That's great. +That's great. So how're you doing? +So how're you doing? Since the last time we spoke? I don't know. Could be better. Could be worse. +Since the last time we spoke? I don't know. Could be better. Could be worse. So what's happening with your book? +So what's happening with your book? Universally rejected. Strike three. +Universally rejected. Strike three. Oh, Miles. That's awful. What are you going to do? +Oh, Miles. That's awful. What are you going to do? Back to the drawing board, I guess. Or not. So... you're married. Congratulations. You look happy. +Back to the drawing board, I guess. Or not. So... you're married. Congratulations. You look happy. I am. +I am. Seems like everyone's getting married. A year ago it was all divorces. Now it's all weddings. Cyclical, I guess. +Seems like everyone's getting married. A year ago it was all divorces. Now it's all weddings. Cyclical, I guess. I guess. +Well, let's go have some champagne, shall we? Toast all the newlyweds. Not me. I'm not drinking. +Not me. I'm not drinking. You quit drinking? +You quit drinking? I'm pregnant. +I'm pregnant. Oh. Huh. Well... Congratulations again, Vicki. That's wonderful news. +Oh. Huh. Well... Congratulations again, Vicki. That's wonderful news. See you over there, Miles. +See you over there, Miles. Yeah. +How much skin and stem contact? About four weeks. +About four weeks. Huh. That explains all the tannins. And how long in oak? +Huh. That explains all the tannins. And how long in oak? About a year. +About a year. French or American? +French or American? Both. +Both. Good stuff. +Pour me a full glass. I'll pay for it. This is a tasting, sir. Not a bar. +Sir, what are you doing? I told you I need a drink. +I told you I need a drink. Then buy a bottle and go outside. +So what do you think? Quaffable but far from transcendent. +Cabernet Franc. This is only the fifth year we've made this varietal. Very few wineries around here do a straight Cabernet Franc. It's from our vineyard up in Santa Maria. And it was a Silver Medal winner at Paso Robles last year. Well, I've come to never expect greatness from a Cab Franc, and this one's no exception. Sort of a flabby, overripe -- +What's everyone ordering? Then we can sort out the wine. Exactement! +Should we get dessert? We were thinking. Why don't we go back to my place? I've got wine, some insane cheeses, music, whatever. +Anything but the Jayer Richebourg! She has a Richebourg? Mon dieu. I have completely underestimated Stephanie. +That was fun last night. Yeah. Good food. You've got quite a wine collection. Very impressive. +Yeah. Good food. You've got quite a wine collection. Very impressive. Thanks. Hey, I talked to Maya this morning. She said she had a good time too. You should call her. +Where's Jack? He had to make a phone call. +So what are you up to today, Miles? Just kickin' back, I guess. I don't know. Jack and I were supposed to go golfing. +Just kickin' back, I guess. I don't know. Jack and I were supposed to go golfing. Huh. +Huh. Yeah, I reserved the tee time about a month ago. +Yeah, I reserved the tee time about a month ago. Oops. Sorry. +Oops. Sorry. You golf? +You golf? Me? No, I think it's kind of a stupid game. I mean, at least, I could never get into it. I tried it once. +Me? No, I think it's kind of a stupid game. I mean, at least, I could never get into it. I tried it once. Huh. Jack loves golf. Crazy about it. +Hi, guys. We should probably get going. Where? +See you, Miles. You take care. Bye, Stephanie. Bye, Siena, Caryl. +Stephanie! Stop! You fucking bastard! Lying piece of shit! You're getting married on Saturday? What was all that shit you said to me? +A famous actor who's getting married next week. Oh, that's right. Isn't that nice? I hope that girls knows how lucky she is, marrying no less than Derek Summersby. +It was a surprise, Mom. And I could have already put clean sheets on the other bed and the fold- out. You are staying. Wendy, Ron and the twins are picking us up at 11:30 to go to brunch at the Sheraton. They do a magnificent job there. Wendy is so excited you're coming. +You talked to Wendy? Just now. She's thrilled. And the kids. +Just now. She's thrilled. And the kids. Yeah, well. You know, Jack's pretty eager to get up to... you know, but, uh, yeah. We'll see how it goes. +Yeah, well. You know, Jack's pretty eager to get up to... you know, but, uh, yeah. We'll see how it goes. Well, you boys do what you want. I just think it would be nice for us to be together as a family on my birthday. +Well, you boys do what you want. I just think it would be nice for us to be together as a family on my birthday. Uh-huh. I'll be right back. +Miles, when are you going to get married again? I just got divorced. Phyllis. +Houdini's sick. Please tie up Isabelle to the back of the shed. Make sure the knot's tight. +What's the matter? I saw a monster. Can I have a glass of water? +What's wrong with the water next to your bed? It tastes old. +What's the rule about getting up in the middle of the night? Only for pee or poop. +Only for pee or poop. Right. +What are you thinking about? Why do you talk to mom when you're by yourself? +It makes me feel better. Does she ever answer back? +Does she ever answer back? No. +No. She doesn't answer me either. +There's dust in it. This one? +This one? A hair. +A hair. This one? +This one? Morgan took a sip. It has his amoebas in it. +See this is why we're not watching those news reports. People get obsessed. I'm letting go now. No dad! +Daddy. Don't touch him. +I think it's contaminated. You don't even know what that word means. +It's not contaminated. It's just tap water. Pour it in his bowl. It tastes funny. +It tastes funny. He licks his butt everyday. He's not going to mind. +Not English though. You heard the voices right Uncle Merrill? I heard them Morgan. +Listen Bo. This is very important. Everything people have written about in science books is going to change. The history of the world's future is on the TV right now. We need to record this so you can show your children this tape and say you were there... For your children Bo. My ballet recital. +My ballet recital. Dad! +The same windows. That's weird. +I don't want you to die. Who said I was going to die? +I'm scared. Me too. +Hi sweetie. Hi baby. +I was just taking a walk before dinner. You love walks. +Does it hurt? I don't feel much. +I don't feel much. Good. +...Tell Morgan to play games -- it's okay to be silly. ...I will. +...I will. ...Tell Bo to listen to her brother. He'll always take care of her. +...Tell Bo to listen to her brother. He'll always take care of her. ...I will. +...I will. ...Tell Graham -- +...Tell Graham -- I'm here. +I'm here. Tell him... See. Tell him to see. +And tell Merrill to swing away. What? Colleen?... Colleen? +You do? I've had two separate folks tell me they think there are strangers around these parts the last couple of nights. Can't tell what they look like, cause they're staying in the shadows -- covert like. No one's got hurt mind you... And that's the give away. +I've had two separate folks tell me they think there are strangers around these parts the last couple of nights. Can't tell what they look like, cause they're staying in the shadows -- covert like. No one's got hurt mind you... And that's the give away. I see. +I see. It's called probing. It's a military procedure. You send a reconnaissance group, very small, to check out things. Not to engage, but to evaluate the situation. Evaluate the level of danger. Make sure things are all clear... +It's called probing. It's a military procedure. You send a reconnaissance group, very small, to check out things. Not to engage, but to evaluate the situation. Evaluate the level of danger. Make sure things are all clear... Clear for what? +I got the bat at home... On the wall. You got two minor league home run records don't you? +Five. The five longest. Boy, why aren't you in the pros making stacks of cash and getting handfuls of T and A? +Okay, this guy is trying to scare us. He's messed with our property, he's coming around the house. It's time for an ass whoopin'! This is not an intelligent way to approach this. +Explain, act crazy? Curse and stuff. +Curse and stuff. I'm not going to curse. +I'm not going to curse. You don't mean it. It's just for show. +You don't mean it. It's just for show. It doesn't sound natural when I curse. +It doesn't sound natural when I curse. Just make noises then. +Just make noises then. Explain noises. +Explain noises. Are you going to do this or what? +Are you going to do this or what? No I'm not. +No I'm not. You want him coming in the house next time? +I cursed. I heard. +It was very dark. Yes it was. +It was very dark. Yes, it was. +This guy got on the roof in like a second. Bo, can you turn down the volume until Officer Paski leaves? +That roof is over ten feet high. He's telling you the truth, Edgar. Whoever it was, is very strong and can jump pretty high. +Pharmacy crowded? I don't want any one of you spending time with Tracey Abernathy alone. Is that understood? +It's noise. It's broken Morgan. It'll just keep doing this. Let's get out of the car okay? +It's probably picking up another baby monitor. That's right. +Morgan, be careful. I got him. +Do you think it's a possibility? Yes. +Yes. How can you say that? +How can you say that? That wasn't the answer you wanted? +That wasn't the answer you wanted? Can you at least pretend to be like you used to be? Give me some comfort? +Do you feel comforted? Yes. +Yes. What does it matter then? +For the kids protection. All they were doing was watching TV from five a.m. I felt like they were getting obsessed like you said. They should be playing furry, furry rabbit or tea party or something right? What's furry, furry rabbit? +What's furry, furry rabbit? That's a game isn't it? Anyway... There's been some interesting developments. +That's a game isn't it? Anyway... There's been some interesting developments. What time is it? +What time is it? Eleven a.m. They're gone. +They caught it on tape and they've been playing it all morning. They found the bird. His head crushed in. When you see the footage it looks like the bird flew into a wall in the sky. They think they have some invisible shield thing going, like an optical illusion. The bird could have had a heart attack and crushed his head when he fell. +The bird could have had a heart attack and crushed his head when he fell. Already thought of. Two other birds did the same thing an hour later. Not as dramatic. They lived. But you could see they hit something. +Where are you going? Ray Reddy's house. +I'm sorry, what book is this? Did they say what our chances would be if they did invade? +Chicken Teriyaki. Good choice... I'm going to have a cheeseburger with bacon. Extra bacon. +Should we turn off the lights? They already know we're here. +They're on the roof. While they were trying to fix her up, all she kept asking about was you. +This is going to do nothing. We have to go in the basement. +Did I ever tell you, I dislocated Uncle Merrill's arm? Should we make a run for it out the back? +Should we make a run for it out the back? They're right behind the door. +He was only a year and half old. What are you doing? +What are you doing? "He was trying to eat a second chocolate bar. Your grandma said, ""No."" He tried to take a bite, so I grabbed it." +We won't be able to get out of there. I'm sorry I hurt your arm. +Merrill -- I'm looking! +Merrill! Got it! +They're distracting us? From what? +I can feel air. Me too. +Me too. It's getting stronger. +It's getting stronger. I'm close. +They're broadcasting... It came on about two hours ago. Woke me up. We won Graham. +How many died? They think over a hundred thousand. They're just estimates. But we held strong. +They think over a hundred thousand. They're just estimates. But we held strong. How do they know it's over? +How do they know it's over? A mass evacuation by them started about eight o'clock this morning. It's eleven now. They're leaving. Beat. +No. Listen, there's things I can take and a couple things I can't and one of them I can't take, is when my older brother -- -- who is everything I want to be, starts losing faith in things. I saw your eyes last night. I don't want to ever see your eyes like that again, okay? I'm serious. +He's been like that for awhile. We need to get him some medicine. Have they said anything about our area? +Have they said anything about our area? Philadelphia and its outlying counties are cleared, but who knows for sure? +He's not strong enough to fight off another attack. I know. We need to be sure, before we open that door Graham. +That's good enough for me. Me too. +Don't touch him. Graham. +Graham. Don't. +Can I use Bo's old baby monitor as a walkie-talkie? Yes. +Yes. It needs batteries. +It needs batteries. Edgar, come inside. +These are D's; I need double A's. I have some upstairs. +It's still making the noises. It's broken. It's old Morgan. +We might lose the signal. We can't just sit in the car in our own driveway like this. +I'm getting out now. Don't do it. +Morgan? It gets clearer, the higher you hold it. +So the aliens can't read our minds. Oh. +Oh. They tell you everything in this book. +It says they're probably very small -- like my height -- because, as their brains developed, there was no use for physical development. It says they're probably vegetarians, because they would have realized the benefits of such a diet. Who wrote this book? +Scientists who have been persecuted for their beliefs. That means they're unemployed. +Dr. Bimboo, one of the authors of the book -- Bimboo? +Bimboo? Dad. +Dad. I just asked his name. +Tell me something Morgan. In that book of your, did they happen to detail what would happen if they were hostile? Yes. They would invade us using only ground tactics. Hand to hand combat. They wouldn't use their technology or fight an airborne battle, because they would know we would eventually use nuclear weapons and the planet would be useless to them. +They said one of two things could happen. One, they fight and are defeated and leave to return again with full forces hundreds or even thousands of years later. What's two? +What's two? They win. +What do you think about the idea that they don't like places near water, and we might be safe from them near a lake or something? Sounds made up. +We'll have to board up the bedroom doors. Where are we going to sleep? +Where are we going to sleep? The family room. +What about Isabelle? We'll keep her in the garage, after dinner. +French toast... and mashed potatoes. Now we're talking. How about you Merrill? +Stop crying! Don't yell at her! +They'll read our minds! You're scaring your sister. +I can't even imagine. I hope they're doing better than we are. We don't even have helmets. +Did someone save me? Yeah baby. I think someone did. +It's the strangest thing Father. Don't call me Father. +Don't call me Father. What's that? +What's that? Don't call me Father. It's just Graham now. +Don't call me Father. It's just Graham now. Sorry. +You said something was strange. What's strange? The footprints. +The footprints. What about them? +What about them? There are none. +It's not broken. What kind of machine can bend a stalk of corn over without cracking it? +Second thing this week I can't explain. What was the first thing? +What was the first thing? Some animals around the county exhibiting uncharacteristic behavior. Sometimes violent behavior. Theo Henry had two of his fingers bit off by his cow. +Some animals around the county exhibiting uncharacteristic behavior. Sometimes violent behavior. Theo Henry had two of his fingers bit off by his cow. Sounds like a virus. +Sounds like a virus. No Father, they're edgy. On alert. Like they act when they smell a predator around... Peeing on themselves and everything. +You can't describe him at all? Don't you think that's find of odd? It does seem kind of odd doesn't it? +It does seem kind of odd doesn't it? I don't know whether to look for a midget or a -- +I don't know whether to look for a midget or a -- He definitely wasn't a midget. +He definitely wasn't a midget. Okay. So he was tall? +Okay. So he was tall? I would say so. +Let me ask you two something. Don't be embarrassed by the answer. It is possible... Just possible now, you might have been chasing each other around? You said you went in opposite directions. Edgar, it sounds as strange to me saying it, as it is to you hearing it. But we couldn't see him. He stayed mostly in the shadows. All we could make out was movement. But I'll tell you something with absolute certainty. There was someone watching our house last night. He was looking in my children's windows and I want you to find him Edgar. I need you to take this seriously, just in case, it is something serious. +I don't think so. Do you owe anybody money? You can tell me off the record if you need too. +Do you owe anybody money? You can tell me off the record if you need too. No. +Is anything missing? No. +But I'll tell you something, what I said in their, still goes. You and your family have been through a lot in the last two days... Not to mention what happened to you all seven months ago. Six months. +And three weeks. It's left its mark still. The last thing these children need to do, is worry about some crazy things happening in the world. Take them into town. Get their minds -- your mind, on everyday things. It's good medicine. +It's left its mark still. The last thing these children need to do, is worry about some crazy things happening in the world. Take them into town. Get their minds -- your mind, on everyday things. It's good medicine. It's good advice... Say hi to Marcia for me. +It's good advice... Say hi to Marcia for me. You take care of yourself... Graham. +There was an accident. Drunk driving. They weren't sure. He wasn't drinking. Ray fell asleep at the wheel. +Is he okay? Yes... That's the first thing Colleen asked too. +She's not in an ambulance Father. Why not? +Why not? See Father, Ray's truck swerved off the road and ah... Hit Colleen and then a tree. She was pinned between the two. +See Father, Ray's truck swerved off the road and ah... Hit Colleen and then a tree. She was pinned between the two. Pinned? What does that mean? +The truck... the truck has severed most of her lower half. What did you say? +Is that him? Yeah. +Don't do it! You'll lose the signal! +They think these look like stages immediately proceeding an attack maneuver. It's like War of the Worlds. +It's like War of the Worlds. They think it might happen all at once. +Some guy had a sign that said it was the end of the world. Nothing really bad is going to happen, is it Uncle Merrill? Don't worry. +The book says they're probably very good problem solvers. What book! +What book! They'll find a way in. +I wouldn't do that. You're going to need every gun when that posse gets here. Posse? What the hell you talking about? +Posse? What the hell you talking about? My partner and me robbed the bank in Turley and headed out with a posse on our tails. My partner there caught one a ways back, and I think he kicked off while I was looking for this damn canyon. You're Dawson, ain't you? I'm Tex LaRue. Used to ride with Ry Morris. You know him. Well, Andy Sims told me there was a hideout here, so I headed for it. Hope you don't mind. +You brought a posse to my best hideout and you want to know if I mind. Mister, I don't know any of those names and you're about to die. Wait a minute! If you don't believe me, ask them... ...they saw me and my pal in Turley before we did the job. +I'd get down if I were you. They may be up there now. No money, eh? +No money, eh? The money's in my saddlebags over there, but I ain't stepping out to get it. +If we charge them, they won't have a chance. But we gotta get to the horses. What do you mean, the horses? +Emmett! Am I glad to see you! Howdy, Jake. What's going on here? +Howdy, Jake. What's going on here? You got me. This is a crazy town, Emmett. I think we ought to get out of here. +All I did was kiss a girl. That's why they got you in jail? +That's why they got you in jail? Yeah, I kissed a girl and this guy didn't like it and we had some words, so I decided to get out of there. +So I did, I got out of there, I don't want no trouble. You know me. So I walked out on the street and the fella tried to shoot me in the back. ...And you had to kill him? +...And you had to kill him? No, no, no! I winged him, and he dropped his gun. +No, no, no! I winged him, and he dropped his gun. You're in here for winging a guy? +Well, no, not exactly. See then his friend opened up on me. What friend is that? +What friend is that? The one with the shotgun. +Jake, I'm going to ask you once -- was it self-defense? Honest to God, Emmett, he would've killed me. +I think we lost 'em. There's nobody coming? +Forget the money. You've got to get these people out of here. This is no place to be sitting with women and kids. Your next water ain't for three days. +Well, Kate, it was self-defense sure enough, but I think you'd have to say I killed old Murdo. I think that's definitely the word. It was my fault. +Emmett. McKendrick. +I didn't know you were out. Did it seem short to you? +That's all over as far as I'm concerned, Emmett. I'm satisfied. Sounds good. +Sounds good. All right then. Let's go. +Forget it. Wait a minute. Get down off of there, Augie. +After the war my family worked a little piece of land near Savannah for a while. But the way it was down there then... well, they made it hard every way they could. Finally my daddy figured the promised land was out this direction. By that time I was so sick of farming, I didn't want to touch another hoe ever. I wouldn't come with 'em. My daddy took it pretty hard. Him, my ma, and my little sister headed out without me. They've got a little place south of Silverado. I guess they've done okay. Good enough anyway so that when my ma wrote me last time, she said they needed my help to work the place. That was almost nine months ago she wrote. Letter took a while to find me, but when it did, it was just the right time. Where were you? +Where were you? Chicago. Working in the slaughter- houses. +Maybe we'll see you sometime. Yeah... maybe. So long. +...Gotta go... Sure. +Where are we? Someplace safe. How you feeling? +I'd be worse if you hadn't come along. I didn't just come along. I was looking for you. Jake said you were out there. I saw him in town, and he told me about that business the other night. Said you boys took a Henry off one of McKendrick's men. I wanted to see it. +I didn't just come along. I was looking for you. Jake said you were out there. I saw him in town, and he told me about that business the other night. Said you boys took a Henry off one of McKendrick's men. I wanted to see it. That's it. +This was my father's. The men who killed him took it. I'm sorry. +I gotta get to my brother. If they came after me, they'll want him too. You'll never make it. +You'll never make it. Have to. +I'll go. I'll bring Jake out here. Be careful. You're in it now. And it's gonna get mean. +Be careful. You're in it now. And it's gonna get mean. So far that's all I seen in this life. +I almost didn't. Where's Jake? +Where's Jake? McKendrick's men got him. +McKendrick's men got him. Is he alive? +Kate? She was hurt... pretty bad. Emmett, they took the little boy with them. +Gotta go. Right. +More than enough. Have you thought at all about your plans? +Have you thought at all about your plans? Some. I've been talking to the Parkers. One thing I know I'm not doing -- I'm not going back. +The Parkers seem like nice folks. They've been kind to me. +They've been kind to me. Paden sends his best. +Paden sends his best. I guess I put a good scare into him. +I'm surprised to see you out here tonight. I just came out to say goodbye. +I just came out to say goodbye. Goodbye? +Goodbye? Yeah, me and Jake will be heading out for California soon. +You came all the way out here to tell me you're going to California? All you had to do was go, and we'd never see each other again. That's why I'm here. +You don't make it easy on a fellow. Didn't Paden tell you that? +Maybe you thought you'd be back this way someday. Yeah... that must have been it. +Are you all right? This is a brutal land. +This is a brutal land. You must have known that before you came. +You must have known that before you came. It's one thing to know it... +We told Sheriff Cobb about the attack. He said he'd... look into it. I can't believe he's the law out here. Now I see why you all wear guns. How's Mr. Parker doing? +How's Mr. Parker doing? Just like you'd think. But he's not going to run. We're sticking to our plan. Now we both need help. +Weren't you going to come out to say good-bye? I already did that. +I already did that. This time you're really going? You know where I'll be. +This time you're really going? You know where I'll be. That I do. +I've got my people sitting down there... ...swatting flies and raring to go. I'm afraid it is a bad start, friend, 'cause my name isn't Baxter, and he ain't Hawley. +I'm afraid it is a bad start, friend, 'cause my name isn't Baxter, and he ain't Hawley. You're not Baxter? +You're not Baxter? My name is Emmett. +My name is Emmett. And you're not Baxter, either? +Hobart, what are you people doing here? This is where Baxter and Hawley brung us. +This is where Baxter and Hawley brung us. Well, they're wrong. This territory is full of bad characters. +Well, they're wrong. This territory is full of bad characters. And they were two of them. Look -- +I'm just meeting a guy here and moving on. So far I haven't been able to find him. In my town, when you're looking for someone, you ask me. +In my town, when you're looking for someone, you ask me. All right. I'm looking for a young fella, full of juice. About my size, wears a fancy two-gun rig. +I guess tomorrow at dawn he'll be proved right. Ten A.M. +Ten A.M. Right... I thought they always did it at dawn. So long, kid. I'm sorry. +Maybe I ought to throw you in jail too. Then you could be with all your friends. I haven't done anything. +I haven't done anything. I want you out of town before the hanging. +I want you out of town before the hanging. I'll be long gone. +Two of the horses ran off, but that pinto you're riding hung around. You got no idea what they were after? +Offend anybody lately? Not for five years. +Jefferson City? No, Leavenworth. +No, Leavenworth. I've never been in there. They just jumped you out of the blue? +I've never been in there. They just jumped you out of the blue? I had to get up anyway. +I had to get up anyway. Me, I'm riding along, minding my own business. Four cowboys come by and we decide to ride together for a while, friendly as can be. I always figure you might as well approach life like everybody's your friend or nobody is... don't make much difference. We get out in the middle of that frying pan and suddenly everybody's pointing their gun but me. I guess they admired my horse. She's a great one, a sweet little bay. +Me, I'm riding along, minding my own business. Four cowboys come by and we decide to ride together for a while, friendly as can be. I always figure you might as well approach life like everybody's your friend or nobody is... don't make much difference. We get out in the middle of that frying pan and suddenly everybody's pointing their gun but me. I guess they admired my horse. She's a great one, a sweet little bay. Looks like that's not all they admired. +Looks like that's not all they admired. Yup. The whole rig. I don't care much about the rest, but I surely will miss that bay. Least they didn't kill me. That was right considerate, I thought. They were laughing when they left me. Thought it was real funny. I walked for a little while but there was no use, so I gave it up. Figured it was just bad luck. +Looks like those boys are headed south, so they weren't the same ones that jumped me. Which way you going? Where's the pinto going? +Where's the pinto going? I gotta stop by Turley and meet a guy. +I gotta stop by Turley and meet a guy. Where's Turley? +Where's Turley? South of here, past Chimayo. +South of here, past Chimayo. Maybe I'll go along as far as Chimayo. Get me some clothes. Maybe a bath. +Maybe I'll go along as far as Chimayo. Get me some clothes. Maybe a bath. Yeah, maybe a bath. +I see what you like, she's mighty pretty. And bridle-wise, too. She's the only thing I lost I really cared about. 'Cept for maybe my hat. It's a great one. Got a pretty silver band on it. My head spent three years training it. I surely do miss that hat. +I gotta be going. Going to Turley, was it? +Going to Turley, was it? Gotta meet a guy and head out for Silverado. +What's Turley like? It's a town... +It's a town... They got a saloon there? +They got a saloon there? I expect. +I expect. Women? +Women? I expect. +Doesn't look quite fair. Which way do you mean? +Shame about the kid. Seems a lively sort. He is that. +He is that. I hate to see any man swing. Bad luck. +I hate to see any man swing. Bad luck. Bad luck for me. Now I gotta bust him out of there. +You'll have to deal me out on that. I've had some experience with that sort of thing, and I don't want any more. I understand. +I understand. It's not going to be easy. +It's not going to be easy. It never is. But he's my brother. We're going to California together. But first we're going to stop in Silverado and see our sister. And I can't show up there with a story like this. +Then I guess this is where we part ways. Sorry. No hard feelings. +No hard feelings. C'mon, I'll buy you a drink. +C'mon, I'll buy you a drink. You haven't got any money. +You haven't got any money. All right, you buy me a drink. +You know, hanging around with you is no picnic. Anybody got any ideas? +Where you been? Oh, I was just checking the, ah... ...you know, lookin' in. +I think I'll ride along with the lady here. Just take a look at this farmland before I come into Silverado. See what makes a trip this hard worth taking. I'll see you around. I'll be around. +Hannah's a smart, pretty woman, but she's got a hard idea for living. Yeah? +Yeah? All I'm saying is, you won't trip over me if you look her up. +All I'm saying is, you won't trip over me if you look her up. I'm going to California with my brother. +Cobb, I want you to meet Emmett. He's a friend of mine. This is Sheriff Cobb. Pleased to meet you, Sheriff. +I'll see you around. Last one to the Midnight Star buys. +You might make a farmer yet. I've got a job. +Daddy? I saw the light. I thought maybe Rae had come back to see me. But I never thought it'd be my boy. I never thought that. +Where is Rae? She's gone, gone to town. She hated working on the farm... ...just like you. +She's gone, gone to town. She hated working on the farm... ...just like you. What happened? +What happened? They run me off. They burned me out. They made it so I couldn't do. Just like Georgia. If you won't sell, they take it anyway. +They run me off. They burned me out. They made it so I couldn't do. Just like Georgia. If you won't sell, they take it anyway. Who? +Who? The cattle! This valley runs down to a clear creek. That's why we picked this spot, and that's why they don't want us here. +The cattle! This valley runs down to a clear creek. That's why we picked this spot, and that's why they don't want us here. You own this land. +You own this land. I paid the government for it, all right. That don't mean much out here. Malachi, I'm living like a wildcat in a cave in those hills. Hiding out, afraid to walk my own land. +I paid the government for it, all right. That don't mean much out here. Malachi, I'm living like a wildcat in a cave in those hills. Hiding out, afraid to walk my own land. What about the law? +What about the law? Whose law? The law here runs a man down -- just like these cattle. +That's a lie. Tomorrow we're going to town to straighten that out once and for all. The next day we'll be back here... farming. And these cattle better be gone. +He acted bravely out there, Hannah. Just bad luck his getting hit. Could have been any one of us. I don't believe in luck. I know what Conrad was like. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. +I don't believe in luck. I know what Conrad was like. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. Never will again. +Never will again. We got married just before this trip, so we could come out here and try the land. It's hard to find a man willing to take on a life like that. +Mr. and Mrs. Parker have agreed to join their parcel to mine. We'll work them together. Mine starts right over there. It's all I've ever wanted. Pretty land, isn't it? And a pretty lady. +A lot of men have told me that. Maybe it's true. I guess some women are slow to believe it. Believe it. +Believe it. They're drawn to me by that. But it never lasts. +They're drawn to me by that. But it never lasts. Why? +Why? Because they don't like what I want. +Because they don't like what I want. What's that? +What's that? I want to build something, make things grow. That takes hard work -- a lifetime of it. That's not why men come to a pretty woman. +J.T.'s done everything he can. I married a brave man. Augie, take that delightful gift your uncle gave you out of here while we're talking. McKendrick picked the new sheriff himself, so J.T. can't even get the law enforced. Half the gunslingers that drift into town turn up on our police force. +Augie's going to grow up here. There's nothing wrong with the land, it's just some of the people. The problem is, Emmett, you killed the wrong McKendrick. +The problem is, Emmett, you killed the wrong McKendrick. Why, J.T., watch what you're saying around Augie. Emmett didn't kill anybody. +It was not -- it was Murdo's. Those McKendricks don't know how to act like human beings. His son is worse than he was. He's smoother, so you don't always hear him coming, but he'll do anything to keep his range free. +His son is worse than he was. He's smoother, so you don't always hear him coming, but he'll do anything to keep his range free. I'm worried what he's going to do when he finds out you boys are back. +You mean you ain't coming with Emmett and me? I can't say I'm convinced you're going anywhere. +I can't say I'm convinced you're going anywhere. Sure we are. We're leaving at dawn. +Sure we are. We're leaving at dawn. I've got no reason to run. It was a fair fight and there were plenty of witnesses. +I've got no reason to run. It was a fair fight and there were plenty of witnesses. Yeah, that's what happened with me too. +Yeah, that's what happened with me too. The other guy drew first. +The other guy drew first. Right! +Didn't he tell you about Blind Pete? We didn't get that far. +We didn't get that far. Blind Pete taught me a great trick. +That's the longest I ever did it. 'Bout bust a gut. What now? +What now? We wait. +Where's your brother? He'll be here. +This a friend of yours? He is now. +He is now. Who is he? +Who is he? Oh, a guy who got run out of town... +Get out of here, Jake. All I did was kiss the girl. +All I did was kiss the girl. That's what you said in Turley. You remember how that ended. +That's what you said in Turley. You remember how that ended. What's the matter, Paden? You afraid I couldn't get those two behind me? +What's the matter, Paden? You afraid I couldn't get those two behind me? I don't want you getting anyone in my place. +New record. Let's get out of here. +Kelly, get over here. You didn't come all this way just to pay me back that money, did you? Kelly, meet my friend Paden. Howdy. +Howdy. Give the man a line of credit. He already owes the house thirteen bucks. +You wanted to see me? We're going to make some adjustments. I wanted you to be here when I offered Paden your job. I think he could do it without getting greedy. Stella and I are tired of you skimming our profits. +What are you talking about? I'm done talking. Get out. +I'm done talking. Get out. You can't do this. +You can't do this. Really? +There are three strangers in this room, traveller, and these gents you are accusing aren't them. Are these your friends? I wanted a drink and a bed. I guess I came to the wrong place. +I wanted a drink and a bed. I guess I came to the wrong place. Came to the wrong town. I don't tolerate this kind of thing. It's hard on the peace, and it's hard on the furniture. Now, knowing a bit about Carter here, I'm going to let you go without paying for the damages. But go you will, and I mean now. +Came to the wrong town. I don't tolerate this kind of thing. It's hard on the peace, and it's hard on the furniture. Now, knowing a bit about Carter here, I'm going to let you go without paying for the damages. But go you will, and I mean now. Is there a place in town that takes... my kind? +Is there a place in town that takes... my kind? You misunderstand. I want you out of town. In fact, I want you all the way out of my jurisdiction. +You misunderstand. I want you out of town. In fact, I want you all the way out of my jurisdiction. That ain't right. +That ain't right. I decide what's right in this jurisdiction. Now move. +What's all this then? This nigger's breaking up my place, Sheriff Langston. +This nigger's breaking up my place, Sheriff Langston. I don't like that word much, Carter. +I don't like that word much, Carter. We don't serve them here and you know it. I asked him to leave and he went crazy on us. He owes me money for this damage. +We don't serve them here and you know it. I asked him to leave and he went crazy on us. He owes me money for this damage. Is that a fact? +Who's going to pay for all this, Sheriff? Don't press your luck, Carter. +Now let's talk about you chaps. We'd rather stay. +We'd rather stay. We'll see about that. I'm Sheriff John Langston. As you may have guessed, I am not from these parts. +We'll see about that. I'm Sheriff John Langston. As you may have guessed, I am not from these parts. You're kidding. +You're kidding. But the good citizens of Turley have taken me in their embrace, and for one simple reason. I maintain the peace. So when strangers come to town, I always ask them their business. Have you come for the hanging? +The jury saw it differently. So this is the guy you're going to hang? +So this is the guy you're going to hang? Tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock. +Tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock. I was afraid of that. +Hello, Rae. What are you doing here? I thought you were done with our family. +What are you doing here? I thought you were done with our family. Daddy's dead. +He was murdered. Who did it? +Who did it? I'm not sure, but I got an idea. And when I am sure, they're going to pay. +I'm not sure, but I got an idea. And when I am sure, they're going to pay. Oh that's just fine. Where were you when Ma and Daddy needed you? It's too late, Mal. Now you finally show up and all you can think of is to get yourself killed. +What are you doing here, Rae? This ain't for you. It's none of your business. +It's none of your business. Rae, all we got is each other. +Rae, all we got is each other. I don't have any family any more. +Get out. We have nothing to talk about. Rae, I need help. +Rae, I need help. Why come to me? +Why come to me? Because you're my sister. There's nobody else. The men who killed Daddy are after Jake. I gotta talk to him. +Because you're my sister. There's nobody else. The men who killed Daddy are after Jake. I gotta talk to him. What's stopping you? +What's stopping you? They're watching the Hollis place. I can't get through. +They're watching the Hollis place. I can't get through. What makes you think I could? +What makes you think I could? Why would they stop you? +Why would they stop you? Because I'm your sister. +Why him? Shut up. You need help, don't you? +This is it, gents. My ma told me to head south past that rock. Good luck, Mal. +Why are they doing this, Mal? Because they enjoy it. +Because they enjoy it. I heard from Stella you were trying to find Jake. What happened to Emmett? +I heard from Stella you were trying to find Jake. What happened to Emmett? You don't know? +I got there just short of too late. Lucky. +Yeah, it's working out real good. Where's Emmett now? +He must be pretty good. He's good, all right. Too good for my men. That's why you've got to take care of it. +He's good, all right. Too good for my men. That's why you've got to take care of it. What about his brother? +What about his brother? We'll handle that. He's careless. +Things are getting messy around here. I hear Ezra Johnson got himself killed. I heard that too. +I heard that too. Did you hear his son is still around? +Hello, Cobb. Hello, Paden. How ya doing? +I see you're prospering without me. It's been a while. +It's been a while. Where's the dog? +Appreciate the loan. I'm good for it. Let's talk about that. I'm looking for some men. +Let's talk about that. I'm looking for some men. I've given that up. +I've given that up. So have I. I've got a legitimate job now. I can use a guy like you. +So have I. I've got a legitimate job now. I can use a guy like you. You've got a legitimate job. +You've got a legitimate job. Yes, sir. You wouldn't believe it. +Yes, sir. You wouldn't believe it. You're right. +This is mighty sweet, Paden. I think I finally found my place in the world. Well I'm real happy for you, Cobb. But I think I'll keep looking for mine. +You got a place to stay? I just got to town. +I just got to town. Stella, we still got an extra room out back, don't we? +What brings you into my saloon? Luck, I guess. +Luck, I guess. Good old Paden. I was hoping you'd changed your mind about the job. +Good old Paden. I was hoping you'd changed your mind about the job. You didn't tell me you owned a saloon. +Nothing like that will happen between us. Maybe we ought to ask Stella. +I took out thirteen dollars. This is a lot of money. +This is a lot of money. I told you this was a sweet set-up. +I told you this was a sweet set-up. It is that. +It is that. Maybe you could run it without Stella. +Easy, boy. Just an idea. Well, thanks, but forget it. +Well, thanks, but forget it. You know, Paden, what makes all this work is me doing my job. The fellows you came to town with are causing some trouble. It's going to take a little straightening out. I have my responsibilities. I want you to understand. It has nothing to do with us. +What is it you want from me? Nothing. Do nothing. Don't get between us. +Nothing. Do nothing. Don't get between us. I'm a great believer in doing nothing. +I'm a great believer in doing nothing. So we understand each other? +So we understand each other? Don't worry about me. If you're taking on Emmett, the last place I want to be is between you. +I'm going to have to look into this. Yeah, maybe I will too. +Yeah, maybe I will too. I thought we talked about that. +I thought we talked about that. We didn't talk about this. They took the little boy, Cobb. +You gotta calm down, Paden. Everything will be put straight in a few days. I saw how you're putting Mal Johnson straight. +I never could count on you to be reasonable. Don't force me to make an adjustment around here. Cobb, you've got nothing I need. +Cobb, you've got nothing I need. I'm not thinking about your future, Paden. I'm worried about Stella. +I'm not thinking about your future, Paden. I'm worried about Stella. What's she got to do with it? +What's she got to do with it? Not a thing. She's just a mutual friend. But if you wind up on the wrong side of this, she's going to get hurt. +What a waste. This could have been such a sweet deal for us. Yeah. Bad luck. Good-bye, Cobb. +Yeah. Bad luck. Good-bye, Cobb. Good-bye, Paden. +You work here? I run the place. What can I get you? +Nifty. The world is what you make of it, friend. If it doesn't fit, you make alterations. +The world is what you make of it, friend. If it doesn't fit, you make alterations. I'll drink to that. Will you join me, Miss -- +I'll drink to that. Will you join me, Miss -- Stella. +Stella. Paden. +Stella... Are you the midnight star herself? I am. I'm always there, but I only shine at night. +My compliments to you, Miss Stella. This is what I call a saloon. Thanks. That's what I call it too. +Thanks. That's what I call it too. And I know what I'm talking about. +And I know what I'm talking about. You like a good saloon? +You like a good saloon? It's the only place I'm happy. +It's the only place I'm happy. Me too. What's wrong with us? +You wouldn't be needing any help around here, would you? Maybe with the gambling? You see that fellow over there in the gray coat? +That's Kelly, my so-called partner. He runs that side. So-called? +So-called? Yeah, aside from being a loud-mouthed, lying cheat, he's just the man I would have picked. +Yeah, aside from being a loud-mouthed, lying cheat, he's just the man I would have picked. Why'd you go into business with him? +Why'd you go into business with him? I don't own this place. The man who does stuck me with Kelly. +I don't own this place. The man who does stuck me with Kelly. Who's the owner? +Who's the owner? Here he comes right now. +Is this a fair mix? I'm saving lives here. The straight stuff would raise a blood blister on boot leather. +I'm saving lives here. The straight stuff would raise a blood blister on boot leather. I meant, seemed like a lot of whiskey. +What's this? That's the good stuff. +That's the good stuff. Oh, yeah? How good? +You really are a gambler. Give me some of the good stuff. +Where's the dog now? He left me. +What is it that I can't figure? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Cobb's got something on you, and it must be pretty good. +What makes you say that? If he didn't you'd never sit still while this was happening. +If he didn't you'd never sit still while this was happening. You sure? Maybe that's the kind of friend I am. +You sure? Maybe that's the kind of friend I am. Nah! What's he got? This is a nice saloon, but there are other nice saloons. It's not the money. Not for you. Why can't I get ahold of it? Cobb says there's no telling what you're going to care about. +Nah! What's he got? This is a nice saloon, but there are other nice saloons. It's not the money. Not for you. Why can't I get ahold of it? Cobb says there's no telling what you're going to care about. Is that what he said? Well, he figured it okay this time. +Some people think because they're stronger -- or meaner -- they can push you around. I've seen a lot of that. But it's only true if you let it be. The world is what you make of it. I like your attitude. But it can be risky. +I like your attitude. But it can be risky. I'm ready for that. +How about you? I don't want you to get hurt. +I don't want you to get hurt. He can't hurt me if he's dead. +I've got a place I can hide her. You better get in there with her until this thing is over. +Stella, this is one of my oldest surviving friends. Treat him right. That was my plan. +That was my plan. Oh, yeah, you two are going to get along fine. You got a lot in common. +It's an advance. We want him to know he's going to be happy here. I wouldn't worry about that. +I wouldn't worry about that. I thought you two would get along. +From what I've seen, Paden doesn't care much about money. He says he doesn't care about anything, but he does. There's just no telling what it's going to be. +-- Forgive me, Mr. Taransky. I'm just trying to understand. All these films, TV appearances, magazine covers, internet interviews, publicity photos, snapshots from her childhood -- all fake. This is fake, this is fake -- fake, fake, fake, all fake. That's right. You understand perfectly. I will confess to fraud, not murder. +That's right. You understand perfectly. I will confess to fraud, not murder. A fan club with a worldwide membership in the millions -- also bogus? +A fan club with a worldwide membership in the millions -- also bogus? Oh, no. The fan club is real. But they were worshipping computer code -- ones and zeros. +Oh, no. The fan club is real. But they were worshipping computer code -- ones and zeros. So, of course, you couldn't kill Simone because there never was a Simone. +So, of course, you couldn't kill Simone because there never was a Simone. Of course. +Of course. "And this Mr. Hank Aleno who you talk so much about, a renowned failure, who also happens to be so conveniently dead -- perhaps the ""man"" you claim helped invent Simone is an invention himself?" +But not everyone's imaginary, are they, Mr. Taransky? I refer, of course, to Edith. Who? +Can you tell us why you were disposing of the body of a woman who didn't exist? It wasn't her body. It was her body of work. +It wasn't her body. It was her body of work. Why don't you just come clean, Viktor? Tell the truth. You'll feel better afterwards. +Why don't you just come clean, Viktor? Tell the truth. You'll feel better afterwards. I am telling the truth. +I am telling the truth. We all know what happened. In a fit of jealous rage you killed Simone and dumped her body off a boat she bought for you. +We all know what happened. In a fit of jealous rage you killed Simone and dumped her body off a boat she bought for you. No!! I can prove it to you. I'll take you to her. +I'd love to stop somewhere but I'm late. I'm on my way to see Viktor now. No, I understand. That's what I want to talk about. I don't know if you know this, Simone, but Viktor and I were married once. +No, I understand. That's what I want to talk about. I don't know if you know this, Simone, but Viktor and I were married once. I can't imagine how you ever let a man like that go. I owe Viktor everything. +I can't imagine how you ever let a man like that go. I owe Viktor everything. I think he owes more to you. But that's not important now. I know what's going on between you two. +I think he owes more to you. But that's not important now. I know what's going on between you two. I want to reassure you, Elaine, there's absolutely nothing going on between Viktor and I. +I want to reassure you, Elaine, there's absolutely nothing going on between Viktor and I. You don't have to protect my feelings, Simone. I don't blame Viktor for falling in love with the most desirable woman in the world. +You don't have to protect my feelings, Simone. I don't blame Viktor for falling in love with the most desirable woman in the world. I'm not -- He's not. +My God, are you alright, Simone? Damn -- Yes -- I -- -- I'm just a little tired. Listen, Elaine, Viktor and I -- it's strictly a working relationship. We could never be anything else. We're just so... different. +Damn -- Yes -- I -- -- I'm just a little tired. Listen, Elaine, Viktor and I -- it's strictly a working relationship. We could never be anything else. We're just so... different. Exactly. You're a household name now. You're moving in entirely different worlds. That's why I hope you're not toying with Viktor. +Exactly. You're a household name now. You're moving in entirely different worlds. That's why I hope you're not toying with Viktor. It sounds like you still have feelings for him. +It sounds like you still have feelings for him. We have a daughter together. I just don't want to see Viktor get hurt. +We have a daughter together. I just don't want to see Viktor get hurt. I don't know how many times I have to say this, Elaine, but Viktor and I are not in love. I only make love to the camera. +I don't know how many times I have to say this, Elaine, but Viktor and I are not in love. I only make love to the camera. Simone, I recognize the shirt you're wearing. I gave it to Viktor on his birthday. +Christ -- Elaine, I know how it looks but... ... it would mean a lot to Viktor if you'd go with him to the Oscars. If you won't do it for him, please do it for me. Okay -- for you. +Okay -- for you. Thanks. This is my exit so, I -- +Thanks. This is my exit so, I -- I'm glad we talked. +I'm glad we talked. Good-bye. +Of course she is. No other name is going to sign on now and risk offending her. We don't need a name. We'll cast an unknown. +No! You will not give in to that blackmailing bitch! Excuse us. +God, Viktor. Why do you always have to make things so difficult for yourself? Difficult. I'm difficult. +-- Do you know what these are, Elaine? Hmm... Mike and Ike's. +Hmm... Mike and Ike's. Not just any Mike & Ike's -- cherry Mike & Ike's. Do you know why I, Viktor Taransky, two-time Academy Award nominated director -- +Not just any Mike & Ike's -- cherry Mike & Ike's. Do you know why I, Viktor Taransky, two-time Academy Award nominated director -- -- Viktor, that was Short Subject. +-- Viktor, that was Short Subject. -- overseeing the most cherished movie project of my career, am walking around with a pocketful of cherry Mike & Ike's? +-- I have a feeling you're going to tell me. -- I'll tell you why. It is because Miss Nicola Anders, supermodel with a SAG card God's gift to cinema, has it written into her contract that all cherry Mike & Ike's be removed from her candy dish along with strict instructions that any room she walks into should have seven packs of cigarettes waiting for her three of them opened, that there be a personal jacuzzi within eighty paces of her dressing room, and that any time she travels, her nanny must fly with her first class. +-- I'll tell you why. It is because Miss Nicola Anders, supermodel with a SAG card God's gift to cinema, has it written into her contract that all cherry Mike & Ike's be removed from her candy dish along with strict instructions that any room she walks into should have seven packs of cigarettes waiting for her three of them opened, that there be a personal jacuzzi within eighty paces of her dressing room, and that any time she travels, her nanny must fly with her first class. -- What's wrong with that? +-- What's wrong with that? Elaine, she doesn't have any children! Don't you see? We're being held hostage by 12 men and 5 women who someone somewhere has decreed are the A-list. +Elaine, she doesn't have any children! Don't you see? We're being held hostage by 12 men and 5 women who someone somewhere has decreed are the A-list. The public decides who's on that list. +The public decides who's on that list. Please. +Please. It's the truth. Those 17 superstars are our insurance policy. We can't open -- can't make a profit without them. +It's the truth. Those 17 superstars are our insurance policy. We can't open -- can't make a profit without them. We can hardly make a profit with them. Up-front salary, back-end deal, perks, per diem, percentages -- They're mocking us, Elaine. We're at their mercy. We always had movie stars but they used to be our stars. We used to decide who would play what role. We told them what to wear, what to say, who to date. When they were under contract, we could change their names if we wanted to -- more than once! +We can hardly make a profit with them. Up-front salary, back-end deal, perks, per diem, percentages -- They're mocking us, Elaine. We're at their mercy. We always had movie stars but they used to be our stars. We used to decide who would play what role. We told them what to wear, what to say, who to date. When they were under contract, we could change their names if we wanted to -- more than once! You realize you're nostalgic for an era you weren't even born in? +You realize you're nostalgic for an era you weren't even born in? Well, I do remember why I started out in this business -- you seem to have forgotten -- working in New York with Cassevetes -- we were trying to do something important, shine a light in that darkened cinema -- +Well, I do remember why I started out in this business -- you seem to have forgotten -- working in New York with Cassevetes -- we were trying to do something important, shine a light in that darkened cinema -- -- It's called a projector. +-- It's called a projector. -- Illuminate hearts and minds with a ray of truth. +-- Illuminate hearts and minds with a ray of truth. Listen, Viktor, I have good memories of those days too -- but this isn't about that or you or me or some high-minded ideal. This is business. +Listen, Viktor, I have good memories of those days too -- but this isn't about that or you or me or some high-minded ideal. This is business. Spare me. +Spare me. -- Christ, Viktor, look around. What do you think pays for all this? This is about investment and return. Those days in New York... that's... it's over. +You're not renewing my contract. How can I? Your last three pictures tanked. The board is giving me hell. No bankable star will work with you after this. If you just compromised... a little. +I'm not taking away your daughter, just your deal. You and I both know, after the divorce I kept you on for old time's sake, so you could still hold your head up in front of Lainey. I called what's his name at Warner's. He said he'd take a meeting -- in July. I've fought for you Viktor... You want to talk severance? You can have everything -- office, car, assistants -- all I want is the picture. +You can have everything -- office, car, assistants -- all I want is the picture. The picture's dead. +The picture's dead. So there's no problem -- I can have the rights, the negative too? +So there's no problem -- I can have the rights, the negative too? They're yours. But how are you going to finish it? Without a star there's no movie. +They're yours. But how are you going to finish it? Without a star there's no movie. I don't need a star. All I need is an actor -- I'll reshoot the part, cut out Nicola and replace her with a real actor. A real leading lady. +I don't need a star. All I need is an actor -- I'll reshoot the part, cut out Nicola and replace her with a real actor. A real leading lady. Even if you find her, you know the problem with unknowns, Viktor. If they're good, they get known. And then you're back to sorting their candy... and worse. I'm sorry, Viktor. +Where is she? Good to see you too, Elaine. +Good to see you too, Elaine. Why isn't she with you? +Why isn't she with you? Why? Because she would never show up at something like this. She's intensely private. +Viktor... I want to thank you for convincing Simone to sign with the studio. Don't thank me. It was entirely Simone's decision. Do you have Simone's check? +Don't thank me. It was entirely Simone's decision. Do you have Simone's check? "I don't have it on me. Anyway, it means a lot. Have you read the reviews? They're love letters. Listen to this one. ""Simone has the voice of a young Jane Fonda, the body of Sophia Loren, the grace of, well, Grace Kelley, and the face of Audrey Hepburn combined with an angel""." +"I don't have it on me. Anyway, it means a lot. Have you read the reviews? They're love letters. Listen to this one. ""Simone has the voice of a young Jane Fonda, the body of Sophia Loren, the grace of, well, Grace Kelley, and the face of Audrey Hepburn combined with an angel""." Almost right. +Almost right. I can't wait to meet her. +I can't wait to meet her. I don't know if that's going to happen. +I don't know if that's going to happen. Why not? +Why not? As I say, she's... something of a recluse. That's how she's able to stay so pure -- by isolating herself in her art. +As I say, she's... something of a recluse. That's how she's able to stay so pure -- by isolating herself in her art. Don't be ridiculous. I arranged a press conference. +Don't be ridiculous. I arranged a press conference. Out of the question. A circus like that? +Out of the question. A circus like that? Viktor, it's my studio. +Viktor, it's my studio. She's my actor. There are other studios, Elaine. There's only one Simone. Leave the press conference to me. +Sorry I didn't get her back in time. No problem. Do you want to come in? +No problem. Do you want to come in? Why not? +"Viktor, we simply have to talk about ""Eternity...""" """Forever""." +"""Forever""." Whatever. I still haven't received Simone's script notes. +Whatever. I still haven't received Simone's script notes. "There aren't any. If the filmmakers are happy, Simone's happy. She considers herself an... ""instrument""." +"There aren't any. If the filmmakers are happy, Simone's happy. She considers herself an... ""instrument""." Really? Oh, so she's really going to do all this nudity? +Really? Oh, so she's really going to do all this nudity? If it's on the page... +Well, something has to be done about this budget. It's completely unrealistic. You allowed nothing for limousine service. She'll drive herself. +She'll drive herself. Hair and make-up? +Hair and make-up? She'll do her own. Theater training. +She'll do her own. Theater training. She was in the theater? When? Where? +She was in the theater? When? Where? I'll send you her resume. +I'll send you her resume. Al least a contingency for wardrobe. Any woman can go up a dress size. +Al least a contingency for wardrobe. Any woman can go up a dress size. -- I guarantee she won't gain an once. She's very disciplined. +-- I guarantee she won't gain an once. She's very disciplined. "Well, we have to do something about this -- ""stuntwoman""." +"Well, we have to do something about this -- ""stuntwoman""." What about it? +What about it? There isn't one. +There isn't one. No need. She does all her own stunts. +No need. She does all her own stunts. Even the fall from the plane? +Even the fall from the plane? Even the fall from the plane. +Even the fall from the plane. Well, shoot it on the last day. +As I've tried to explain to you, Elaine. Simone isn't like any other actress you've ever known. She's about the work and only the work -- lives for the work. She wants all the money up there... ... on the screen where it belongs. She'd work for scale except I know you only respect people you pay a fortune. Which accounts for your percentage. When do I get to meet this dream? +Which accounts for your percentage. When do I get to meet this dream? Not today. She's learning her lines. You can also take cue cards and teleprompter out of the budget. +Not today. She's learning her lines. You can also take cue cards and teleprompter out of the budget. I'll walk you out. +Listen, Viktor... I want to talk to you now, not as Elaine, studio head, but Elaine, ex-wife. Second ex-wife. You got lucky this last time but you need to be careful. We both know you wouldn't be making this overblown art film of you hadn't convinced Simone to be in it. Elaine, talking to you now, not as Viktor, director, but Viktor, ex husband... what the hell happened to you? +Elaine, talking to you now, not as Viktor, director, but Viktor, ex husband... what the hell happened to you? Experience, Viktor. I've seen this a hundred times -- young stars destroying the very people who discovered them. I'm worried about you, that's all. This woman -- she controls your destiny. +Experience, Viktor. I've seen this a hundred times -- young stars destroying the very people who discovered them. I'm worried about you, that's all. This woman -- she controls your destiny. Simone does not control my destiny. +Simone does not control my destiny. Viktor, I have a feeling. One of my feelings. There's something about her I don't trust. +Stunning, Viktor. The Hollywood Foreign Press is going to eat this up. Thank you. What did you think, Lainey? +I got them to remove the reflection. The mirror's metaphor -- to show how her character's inwardly dead. That's genius, Viktor. Was that Simone's idea? +That's genius, Viktor. Was that Simone's idea? Who else? It's always Simone's idea. +Maybe you're right. Twelve years after your daughter's born you decide to become a father. Better late than never. +Better late than never. I should fire you more often. The film's looking wonderful. +I should fire you more often. The film's looking wonderful. You really think so? +You really think so? Yes. To be honest I never quite saw this film before -- maybe it's the way Simone is playing it -- but what it's saying about the illusion of permanence in everyday life, how that's the only way we can love -- I think it's really going to mean something. +Yes. To be honest I never quite saw this film before -- maybe it's the way Simone is playing it -- but what it's saying about the illusion of permanence in everyday life, how that's the only way we can love -- I think it's really going to mean something. Thank you. I'll tell Simone you liked it. +Thank you. I'll tell Simone you liked it. I'd love to tell her myself. When are you going to let me meet her? +I'd love to tell her myself. When are you going to let me meet her? Soon. Soon. +Soon. Soon. Everyone I know has met her, Viktor. +Everyone I know has met her, Viktor. Everyone you know is lying. +Everyone you know is lying. That's true. +-- You can't go in there! -- We have to talk to her, Viktor! +-- It's starting to look like she doesn't support the film or you, Viktor. If you can't handle her, I will. "Not now. She's emotional. Her mother dies today. Scene forty-two of ""Good For Nothing"". It's not a good time." +So, the secret's finally out, Viktor. -- I can explain. +-- I can explain. -- I don't think that's necessary. I think it's perfectly clear. I should have guessed -- it all makes sense now... it's why she never goes anywhere, never seen in public... +The premiere was the first time I've convinced her to venture out and it just confirmed her worst nightmares. Viktor, you should have said something. +Viktor, you should have said something. She doesn't want pity. +She doesn't want pity. You're so good to protect her like this. +I'll tell you what. I know how much this means to you. I'll try to get her to plug the film. I'm not promising anything but maybe she'll do a talk show -- taped. Oh, make it live -- please, Viktor. +Oh, make it live -- please, Viktor. I'll try. Maybe live but remote. She'll never go to them. +She was there. She didn't by any chance happen to mention me? She said you were very beautiful. +She said you were very beautiful. Really? +Really? Elaine, what are you doing tonight? Would you like to go somewhere -- dinner? +Elaine, what are you doing tonight? Would you like to go somewhere -- dinner? I'd love to. But aren't you supposed to meet up with Simone? +I'd love to. But aren't you supposed to meet up with Simone? Oh, yes. Of course. Don't I always? +-- Viktor, are you with her? Is she there? No. +Are you and Simone... ... getting married? No, of course not! Why? Would you care if we were? +No, of course not! Why? Would you care if we were? Well, yes. From a studio point of view, it would be better if Simone stayed single. Anyhow, I thought she came across great tonight. Intelligent, well informed, a natural. And touching. She was spectacular. +Well, yes. From a studio point of view, it would be better if Simone stayed single. Anyhow, I thought she came across great tonight. Intelligent, well informed, a natural. And touching. She was spectacular. Thank you. +Viktor, do you realize you always do that? Do what? +Do what? Whenever I compliment Simone, you take the credit. +Whenever I compliment Simone, you take the credit. I do? +I do? Yes, you do... Anyway, tonight was a good start. +Yes, you do... Anyway, tonight was a good start. Excuse me? Start? +Excuse me? Start? It's a crowded summer. We need every photo-opp, sound-byte and column inch we can get. Good night, Viktor. +My two favorite girls. Lainey and I just wanted to congratulate... +... Simone. She's lying down. She's exhausted. +She's lying down. She's exhausted. I can imagine. +Elaine, it's Wednesday. Is it Wednesday? It's Wednesday. How embarrassing. I don't know what I was thinking. With all the excitement lately... Am I interrupting something? Are you expecting company? +Is it Wednesday? It's Wednesday. How embarrassing. I don't know what I was thinking. With all the excitement lately... Am I interrupting something? Are you expecting company? As a matter-of-fact I am. +As a matter-of-fact I am. When is she coming over? +When is she coming over? About now. Would you like a drink? +About now. Would you like a drink? I suppose I could stay, just until she arrives. +Is Simone back to earth yet? Not quite. +Not quite. I'm sure you'll keep her focussed. She's lucky to have you, Viktor. Is she really having your baby? +I'm sure you'll keep her focussed. She's lucky to have you, Viktor. Is she really having your baby? Impossible. +Impossible. I just read somewhere -- +I just read somewhere -- I know. I know. They'll say anything. +I know. I know. They'll say anything. -- And she was positively glowing at the awards. I should be going, she'll be here soon -- +-- She already is. Simone's not coming over, Elaine. Not tonight, not ever. I want you back, Elaine. I want you back too, Viktor. +This is crazy. Who am I fooling? I can't compete with Simone. What woman can? I would rather have you than Simone. Believe me. +I would rather have you than Simone. Believe me. That's sweet, Viktor, but I couldn't let you do that -- make that kind of sacrifice. It's strange. I've stabbed people in the back, clawed and slept my way to where I am -- it goes with the territory -- but, for some reason, I can't betray Simone. There's... I don't know any other way to say it -- there's a goodness to her. +That's sweet, Viktor, but I couldn't let you do that -- make that kind of sacrifice. It's strange. I've stabbed people in the back, clawed and slept my way to where I am -- it goes with the territory -- but, for some reason, I can't betray Simone. There's... I don't know any other way to say it -- there's a goodness to her. No, there isn't. There's nothing to her. +No, there isn't. There's nothing to her. Oh, Viktor. You say that now -- because we're here, alone, like this. But in the morning, you'd go back to her. What man wouldn't? +Oh, Viktor. You say that now -- because we're here, alone, like this. But in the morning, you'd go back to her. What man wouldn't? No, I will end my relationship with her -- totally. +No, I will end my relationship with her -- totally. But you don't understand. She'll always be there -- at some party, on some magazine cover, some song on the radio, up on some screen. +But you don't understand. She'll always be there -- at some party, on some magazine cover, some song on the radio, up on some screen. No. She'll never work again -- retire, never make a movie or a record, or appear ever again. +No. She'll never work again -- retire, never make a movie or a record, or appear ever again. Of course she will. Her public will demand it. +Of course she will. Her public will demand it. Not if I don't let her. +Not if I don't let her. You? +I'm going to tell you a secret now, Elaine. Simone is not a real person. I invented her. Every actor is an invention, Viktor. Don't embarrass yourself. No one's denying that you discovered Simone. But it's like finding a diamond in the desert. Anyone can trip over it, but it's not the finder who sparkles. +Every actor is an invention, Viktor. Don't embarrass yourself. No one's denying that you discovered Simone. But it's like finding a diamond in the desert. Anyone can trip over it, but it's not the finder who sparkles. -- No, no, I didn't trip over her. You don't understand -- +-- No, no, I didn't trip over her. You don't understand -- -- You just got lucky that she's loyal enough to stay with you. Maybe she's staying out of pity, who knows? She certainly doesn't need you. Some people even say you're holding her back. +-- You just got lucky that she's loyal enough to stay with you. Maybe she's staying out of pity, who knows? She certainly doesn't need you. Some people even say you're holding her back. Who says that -- ? -- Never mind. You have to listen to me, Elaine. Simone is thin air, pixels, molded by me from a mathematical equation. I inherited it from a madman -- I can show you -- +Who says that -- ? -- Never mind. You have to listen to me, Elaine. Simone is thin air, pixels, molded by me from a mathematical equation. I inherited it from a madman -- I can show you -- How much wine have you had? +How much wine have you had? -- She's a figment of my own imagination. I, Viktor Taransky, have perpetrated the greatest hoax, the greatest sleight-of-hand, sleight-of-mouth, sleight-of- sleight in entertainment history! And still no one appreciates me, recognizes what I've done -- even you. +-- She's a figment of my own imagination. I, Viktor Taransky, have perpetrated the greatest hoax, the greatest sleight-of-hand, sleight-of-mouth, sleight-of- sleight in entertainment history! And still no one appreciates me, recognizes what I've done -- even you. You're drunker than I thought. Are you doing that again? +You're drunker than I thought. Are you doing that again? No! Whatever talent Simone has comes from me -- me! Me! I swear, as God is my judge. You don't know what I've been through. Tens of thousands of mind-numbing hours in front of that screen, nights without end, and look what it's cost me. Why do you think I've been wearing these? I may have done irreparable harm to my eyesight, and why? To extract and refine the infinite nuances of a human being -- a human soul. Don't you see? I made Simone! +Can I see you later -- go away for the weekend? How can you bring that up at a time like this? +Thank you! I don't know how you did it but thank you. Don't thank us too fast, Viktor. You know what we have to do? +Don't thank us too fast, Viktor. You know what we have to do? Why stop at one character when you can have a whole cast? +Why stop at one character when you can have a whole cast? Exactly. Now that you have the studio behind you, we can really do things. +"I was thinking -- what about you and... ""Simone"" moving back in with me and Lainey?" That sounds wonderful. How do you feel about all this, Lainey? +Don't look so glum, Viktor. It's not a death sentence. No... it's life. +Hello? Hello, is this Elaine? +Hello, is this Elaine? Yes -- oh my, God. Is that you, Simone?! I've been wanting to talk to you. +Yes -- oh my, God. Is that you, Simone?! I've been wanting to talk to you. Well, here I am. You look pretty today. Red suits you. +Well, here I am. You look pretty today. Red suits you. Where are you? +Where are you? Right beside you. I borrowed Viktor's car. +Mom, do you miss Dad? Sometimes. But, just when I think your father's changing for the better, I realize he's as self absorbed as ever. He took the credit for Simone tonight. +Thank Simone for the tickets. It was a great show, Dad... +Let's go, Lainey. There's nothing here. Just a minute. +God, it's so like your father. Why can't people take responsibility for their actions anymore? I can almost forgive him for killing Simone -- but denying her existence. I can never forgive that. Because obviously she existed, right? +Because obviously she existed, right? I know it as surely as you're sitting here, sweetheart. She was the most vital woman I ever met. +I know it as surely as you're sitting here, sweetheart. She was the most vital woman I ever met. So you did meet her? +So you did meet her? Of course. What are you suggesting? +Of course. What are you suggesting? I mean really meet her -- in the flesh. +I know it's embarrassing to admit it, mom, but when I think about it -- honestly, I haven't. I mean, it feels like I have. I know more about her than members of my own family. She's even in my dreams. But I realized, going back through my diary, they were all TV appearances, near misses at parties, second-hand rumor, gossip on the internet. I've never actually seen Simone up close, touched her, been in her physical presence. Have you? Well, I -- +Well, I -- -- We don't believe daddy because we don't want to believe we were taken in too. +-- We don't believe daddy because we don't want to believe we were taken in too. Lainey, there's no evidence that Simone isn't real. +Lainey, there's no evidence that Simone isn't real. Listen to what you're saying, mom. Is there any evidence she is? +You had no choice, Elaine. He's a liability. He also happens to be the most talented man I've ever known. +I can't believe she's doing this -- taking advantage of him this way. It's cruel. Why? +Why? Obviously, this can't last. She's going to dump him. Viktor won't be able to take that. He's too sensitive. It'll destroy him. +Obviously, this can't last. She's going to dump him. Viktor won't be able to take that. He's too sensitive. It'll destroy him. Elaine, do you realize you can't stop talking about Viktor? +Elaine, do you realize you can't stop talking about Viktor? I have to talk to her. +Thank God for you, Faith. I know this is above and beyond the call of duty for a stand-in. You don't know what a service you're performing for Simone -- shielding her from those animals. No, thank God for you, Mr. Taransky. How many men would go to so much trouble to protect a woman? +You understand you'll have to come back to my place to keep them off the, er... ... scent. Of course. +Of course. You look so, so... +You look so, so... ... so much like her? +... so much like her? Yes, of course, but very beautiful in your own right. +Yes, of course, but very beautiful in your own right. I do find myself physically attracted to you, Mr. Taransky. +What?... What did you say? Do what you do to Simone. +Do what you do to Simone. What I do to Simone? +What I do to Simone? Yes, call me Simone. +Yes, call me Simone. Simone? +Simone? Yes, yes, again, again. Do what you do to Simone. I want to know what it's like to be her just for one night. +Yes, yes, again, again. Do what you do to Simone. I want to know what it's like to be her just for one night. You're with me to be close to her? +You're with me to be close to her? Is that a problem? +"""Why are we here? Is that what you're asking, Jack?... Why are we here? No why. Just here""." Please put your clothes on +Well, no one could accuse you of being over-exposed, Simone. Why have you stayed so completely out of the limelight? I just think actors talk too much. Does the world really want to hear your life story just because you've got a movie opening Friday? +I just think actors talk too much. Does the world really want to hear your life story just because you've got a movie opening Friday? Of course, the only problem with shying away from publicity these days is that it tends to attract more. +Don't I know it. That's the only reason I'm here now -- to put the attention back where it belongs, on Mr. Taransky's film. You don't secretly want the attention? +You don't secretly want the attention? I'm not even sure I deserve it. After tonight I'll have almost as much screen time on your show as I do in my movies. How is that healthy for a performer? +Because, you have to understand, Frank, these interviews -- none of this is real. Who I am on screen and who I really am are two totally different people. Who are you really? +Who are you really? "That's a good question. As Nietzsche said, ""Whenever a man strives long and hard to appear someone else...""" +No, I'm okay. Let's talk about the work that you care so much about. +Let's talk about the work that you care so much about. Sure. Where would you like to start? +Sure. Where would you like to start? How about the nudity? +How about the nudity? Nudity has just never been an issue for me, Frank. For me, clothes are just an option. +Nudity has just never been an issue for me, Frank. For me, clothes are just an option. What exactly was it that attracted you to your first two projects? +What exactly was it that attracted you to your first two projects? I suppose the thing I like most about the movies I'm in is that they're not about special effects. +"-- Simone, the question on everyone's mind is simply... ""why?""" Frank, you know as well as I do, living in a fish bowl, the insatiable appetite of the media... +With everything that was going on in my life, I just needed to drop out of sight for a while -- I needed time. Viktor bought me that time. I owe him so much. We all do. But now I understand you're eager to get back to work -- and not the kind of work that we're all expecting. +We all do. But now I understand you're eager to get back to work -- and not the kind of work that we're all expecting. That's true. I can reveal that I am considering a career in politics. +That's true. I can reveal that I am considering a career in politics. And what may I ask brought this on? +Nicola Anders is the only actress who can play that role. It's a re-make, Hal. Anders is not bigger than this picture. +Viktor, I'm so happy for us! Hello, Hal. +Hello, Hal. The film. The chemistry. No reflections on Nicola but Simone and I -- we were just so right together. +The film. The chemistry. No reflections on Nicola but Simone and I -- we were just so right together. You never were together, Hal. +You never were together, Hal. "And still the connection was undeniable. I haven't read ""Eternity Forever"" but I know it's brilliant. And I know I would be perfect for Clive." +"And still the connection was undeniable. I haven't read ""Eternity Forever"" but I know it's brilliant. And I know I would be perfect for Clive." Clyde. +Clyde. Yes, perfect. As a matter of fact, I ran into Simone on the lot the other day. +Yes, perfect. As a matter of fact, I ran into Simone on the lot the other day. Really? She didn't mention it. +Really? She didn't mention it. I'm sure she's meeting with a lot of people right now. She is just as you described her, Viktor... indescribable. I strongly sensed she thought I was right for it. +You'll never guess who I'm with... you ran into him on the lot. It was more in passing. +It was more in passing. "You're so far off! Hal... Hal Sinclair... your co- star. Remember now?... No, I don't think he's put on weight. Anyway, you think he's right for ""Eternity Forever""?... not the right type?... a different direction... I'll try to talk her into it." +How will you do our love scenes? Body double. +Body double. For her? +For her? For you. I want you to know, Simone appreciates you all working for scale. But why am I thanking you? Simone can thank you herself. She insisted on speaking with you before filming begins. She's on the line now. +Hal, what are you doing? Viktor, Clyde simply has to get close to Simone in this scene! He has to touch her. He has to! +Viktor, Clyde simply has to get close to Simone in this scene! He has to touch her. He has to! Absolutely not! +Absolutely not! But she's right there! I must feel her! +But she's right there! I must feel her! You can't. +You can't. Why not? +Why not? There's... a wall between you -- +There's... a wall between you -- -- an emotional wall, I know. That's why -- +-- an emotional wall, I know. That's why -- -- No. No. A real wall. You ran right through it. +-- No. No. A real wall. You ran right through it. How did the wall get there? +How did the wall get there? I can't explain it to you now -- you'll see when it's all put together. Anyway, we got it a couple of takes ago. Let's move on. +Is she here? I'm fine, Hal. How are you? +I'm fine, Hal. How are you? Somebody said she was here. +You know I sometimes forget she has bodily functions. I know what you mean. +I know what you mean. I have to talk to her about my experimental film. It's very... experimental. +No. In fact, between us, she doesn't really exist. Simone! +-- Mr. Taransky, Mr. Taransky... thank God. I've been trying to see you, calling -- Your assistant wouldn't put me through. I told her it was a matter of life and death. I was afraid I wouldn't get to you in time -- -- Please, get away from me. +-- Please, get away from me. I did it, Mr. Taransky. I licked skin. I licked hair. I licked every part of her. +I did it, Mr. Taransky. I licked skin. I licked hair. I licked every part of her. You want me to call Security? +You want me to call Security? I have her, Mr. Taransky. The answer to your prayers. The answer to this. +I have her, Mr. Taransky. The answer to your prayers. The answer to this. I was misquoted. +I was misquoted. I have your new leading lady... ... right here in my pants. +"It's me, Mr. Taransky. Don't you recognize me? -- The Future of Film conference in San Jose. Hank... Hank Aleno. I was keynote speaker. You must remember my speech... ""Who Needs Humans?""" That's right. You were booed off the stage. That's got to be -- ? +That's right. You were booed off the stage. That's got to be -- ? -- Eight years ago. In that whole time, I never left my computer. +-- Eight years ago. In that whole time, I never left my computer. Good for you, Hank. +Good for you, Hank. Good and bad. They think that's what caused this. Me eye tumor. Microwaves from the screen. It's the size of a grapefruit. Heavy too. +Good and bad. They think that's what caused this. Me eye tumor. Microwaves from the screen. It's the size of a grapefruit. Heavy too. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Don't be. It was worth it. +You have to see her. I've seen them all before. +I've seen them all before. Not like this -- +Not like this -- Come on, Hank. A synthespian, virtual actor -- ? +Come on, Hank. A synthespian, virtual actor -- ? "-- We call them ""vactors""." +"-- We call them ""vactors""." I need flesh and -- +I need flesh and -- -- Flesh is weak. +-- Flesh is weak. -- a living, breathing actor -- I can't work with a fake. +You already do. But my actor won't get old, fat, lazy or drunk -- won't throw tantrums, demand a body double, script changes or a bigger trailer. The Disney Corporation has been using artificial actors for years. That's the point, Hank. No matter how good they are, they're still Mickey Mouse. Everyone's tried. Everyone's failed. It can't be done. +That's the point, Hank. No matter how good they are, they're still Mickey Mouse. Everyone's tried. Everyone's failed. It can't be done. It can -- with my new computer code, you and me, we can do it together. +It can -- with my new computer code, you and me, we can do it together. I don't know anything about computers. +I don't know anything about computers. That's why you're so perfect. You have something I don't have. +That's why you're so perfect. You have something I don't have. What's that? +What's that? An eye -- for performance. You know the truth when you see it. I know. I've seen your movies. I love your movies. +An eye -- for performance. You know the truth when you see it. I know. I've seen your movies. I love your movies. You do? +You do? """Straw God"" changed my life." +"""Straw God"" changed my life." You saw that? +You saw that? I've seen every frame of your work. You're the only filmmaker in Hollywood with the artistic integrity to realize my vision. You and me, art and science... we are the perfect marriage. +I've seen every frame of your work. You're the only filmmaker in Hollywood with the artistic integrity to realize my vision. You and me, art and science... we are the perfect marriage. Listen, Hank, it's been a rough day. I'll call you about his next week. +Listen, Hank, it's been a rough day. I'll call you about his next week. I won't be here next week. The tumor's inoperable. I'll be dead. +I won't be here next week. The tumor's inoperable. I'll be dead. I'm already dead. +Harry! Harry! Can we have a minute? What brings you here tonight? I just came out to support my good friend, Simone. +I just came out to support my good friend, Simone. "There's a rumor that you're more than just ""good friends""?" +"There's a rumor that you're more than just ""good friends""?" We've been seeing each other, sure, but we'd rather keep our relationship private. +We've been seeing each other, sure, but we'd rather keep our relationship private. Do I hear the sound of... wedding bells? +Do I hear the sound of... wedding bells? I can't believe you people! No wonder she never comes to these things! +Hi, Dad. Hello, sweetheart. +I'm sorry Mom canned you. It's really... not anything, Lainey. It's just -- +It's really... not anything, Lainey. It's just -- Don't feel too bad. Mom runs the place and they still walk all over her. You're better off out of it. +Don't feel too bad. Mom runs the place and they still walk all over her. You're better off out of it. You look very grown up. What are you doing? You meeting your mom for dinner? +I'm going to finish the picture, sweetheart. It's important. I know you'll do it, Dad. You're Viktor Taransky. +Hi, Dad. Hello, Lainey. +Your mother couldn't make it? "She's at the premiere of ""A Cold Day In Hell"". But I think she send someone from Acquisitions." +"She's at the premiere of ""A Cold Day In Hell"". But I think she send someone from Acquisitions." She still with Kent? +She still with Kent? This week anyhow. +Not quite how I imagined it -- -- You finished the film on your own terms, that's what matters. Did you really do all the post yourself? +-- You finished the film on your own terms, that's what matters. Did you really do all the post yourself? There was no other way. +There was no other way. I missed you. I wondered if you were ever coming back. +I missed you. I wondered if you were ever coming back. Me too. +Me too. Well, I can't wait to meet Simone... what's her last name? +Well, I can't wait to meet Simone... what's her last name? You know, I... don't know. +You know, I... don't know. Is she here tonight? +Is she here tonight? She can't watch herself. +She's a miracle, Dad. Where did you find her? I saw her picture on the, er... internet. You really didn't notice anything -- unusual? +I saw her picture on the, er... internet. You really didn't notice anything -- unusual? Only her brilliance. To be honest, with what you had to work with, I was expecting a train wreck. You really pulled it off. +Can't you stop that? Why? +Why? Those things can be dangerous. Staring at a screen all day -- you miss what's going on outside in the real world. You can lose yourself. You should get out more. How are you going to meet boys? +Those things can be dangerous. Staring at a screen all day -- you miss what's going on outside in the real world. You can lose yourself. You should get out more. How are you going to meet boys? I know plenty of boys. +I know plenty of boys. Really? Who? Where do you meet them? In a chat room? How do you know he's not some middle-aged freak? +Really? Who? Where do you meet them? In a chat room? How do you know he's not some middle-aged freak? Dad, I can spot a middle-aged freak a mile away. +Dad, I can spot a middle-aged freak a mile away. Okay. But you have to find a way to escape that thing. +Okay. But you have to find a way to escape that thing. I do. +I do. How? +How? I read. +I read. You do? Still? I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. +You do? Still? I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. You were the one who insisted on it. Reading me Dostoyevsky and Joyce when I was four. +You were the one who insisted on it. Reading me Dostoyevsky and Joyce when I was four. You understood them. That's what was amazing. It's a nice day. Let's eat outside. +Okay, Dad. If anyone asks about Simone -- +If anyone asks about Simone -- -- I know, I don't know anything. +-- I know, I don't know anything. Exactly. Don't you wonder where I'm really hiding Simone? +Exactly. Don't you wonder where I'm really hiding Simone? I'm sure you'd tell me if you thought it was important. +One thing bothered me. I know, Hal is as stiff as always. +I know, Hal is as stiff as always. No, not that. I was just wondering -- in the bedroom scene in reel two why did Simone have no reflection when she walked in front of that mirror? +So that accounts for the lack of a shadow in reel six? Precisely. +Good-night, Daddy. Night, Lainey. +Hey, Lainey. How's your love life? I do okay. How about you? +I do okay. How about you? You know me -- married to my work. +You know me -- married to my work. I noticed. +Dad, you know I don't like to get between you and mom but she's feeling down right now. She broke up with Kent. Really? Too bad. +Really? Too bad. She thinks you're with Simone. +She thinks you're with Simone. Lainey, you know Simone and I don't have a real relationship. +Lainey, you know Simone and I don't have a real relationship. I know but Mom doesn't. Maybe if it came from Simone, if Simone spoke to Mom -- she could straighten things out. Dinner, maybe. +I know but Mom doesn't. Maybe if it came from Simone, if Simone spoke to Mom -- she could straighten things out. Dinner, maybe. Dinner? Dinner's difficult. A phone call? +Dinner? Dinner's difficult. A phone call? Too impersonal. They have to meet face-to-face. +Too impersonal. They have to meet face-to-face. I'll see what I can do. You know, Lainey. I don't believe you've ever once asked to meet Simone. Don't you like her? +I'll see what I can do. You know, Lainey. I don't believe you've ever once asked to meet Simone. Don't you like her? I love her but that doesn't mean I need to meet her. +I love you, Lainey. I love you too, daddy. +Why didn't she thank you? She did... didn't she? +Happy birthday, Lainey. Do you like it? It's fantastic -- it's too much. +It's fantastic -- it's too much. "It's the car she drove in ""Eternity Forever""." +"It's the car she drove in ""Eternity Forever""." I know. Thank her for me. +I know. Thank her for me. It's from both of us. Of course you'll have to drive it around the lot until you get your permit -- +-- I can't accept it. I don't want a car, Dad. Why not? I can get you something else. What do you want? +Why not? I can get you something else. What do you want? The old Viktor Taransky. I liked you better before -- before all this. You were a loser, Dad, but at least you had integrity. I can't stand to see you like this -- clinging to Simone's coattails -- it used to be about the work, and now it's all about her. And then she's not even grateful enough to thank you. +The old Viktor Taransky. I liked you better before -- before all this. You were a loser, Dad, but at least you had integrity. I can't stand to see you like this -- clinging to Simone's coattails -- it used to be about the work, and now it's all about her. And then she's not even grateful enough to thank you. No, that was me. +No, that was me. There you go again, blaming yourself. Can't you see what she's done to you -- she's taking advantage, mocking you. You deserve better than Simone. I've got to go, Dad. +There you go again, blaming yourself. Can't you see what she's done to you -- she's taking advantage, mocking you. You deserve better than Simone. I've got to go, Dad. Lainey... +About you and mom? Me and Simone. What I did. +Me and Simone. What I did. Your mistake wasn't making something fake, daddy. We're fine with fake -- as long as you don't lie about it. +-- Plead guilty and throw yourself on the mercy of the court. It's the best deal you're going to get. I could get the death penalty. +I could get the death penalty. You certainly will if you go to trial -- a jury in this kind of ugly mood. You've killed an icon, for God's sake. +You certainly will if you go to trial -- a jury in this kind of ugly mood. You've killed an icon, for God's sake. I didn't kill anyone, Bernard, there was no one to kill! +I didn't kill anyone, Bernard, there was no one to kill! An insanity defence. +-- No! I can't go along with this horseshit! Just tell them they can fry me! What?! +What?! It was premeditated -- I knew exactly what I was doing! I strangled her! I bludgeoned her! I set her on fire! I did it! I killed her! +Do I know you? Max Sayer -- National Echo. +Max Sayer -- National Echo. Don't you have a real story to write? Why aren't you in Latin America? +Don't you have a real story to write? Why aren't you in Latin America? This is the story. +This is the story. I remember when the Echo had class -- the paper that could bring down governments. +I remember when the Echo had class -- the paper that could bring down governments. Our leaders aren't presidents anymore -- they're pop stars and screen idols. If Woodward and Bernstein were alive today, they'd be right here in Hollywood with me. +Our leaders aren't presidents anymore -- they're pop stars and screen idols. If Woodward and Bernstein were alive today, they'd be right here in Hollywood with me. They are alive, Sayer. +So they're probably here. You might be able to sell this 'disappearing act' to the rest of the world, but I'm not buying it. What's really behind this Simone woman? The public has a right to know. Why is she staying out of sight? And why the hell is she with you? I don't want you to take this the wrong way, Viktor, but you're not exactly Cecil B. DeMille -- more run-of-the-mill. Maybe the reason she's with me is a little thing called integrity, Sayer. Look it up. +She sounds like a prisoner, Taransky. Are you holding her hostage? Are you some kind of Svengali? "Who's the hostage, Sayer, her or you? You look kind of ""captive"" yourself. While you're spending every waking hour obsessing over Simone, guess what, I guarantee she doesn't even know you exist. Get off my property or I'll call the cops." +"Who's the hostage, Sayer, her or you? You look kind of ""captive"" yourself. While you're spending every waking hour obsessing over Simone, guess what, I guarantee she doesn't even know you exist. Get off my property or I'll call the cops." The cops? The cops read my column to know who to bust. We're the only watchdog the public has. None of this is going away. We'll be here tomorrow and the day after that. Until you slip up. And you will. You are looking at your shadow. Because all these elaborate precautions with Simone -- every instinct in my body tells me, it's not natural. +The cops? The cops read my column to know who to bust. We're the only watchdog the public has. None of this is going away. We'll be here tomorrow and the day after that. Until you slip up. And you will. You are looking at your shadow. Because all these elaborate precautions with Simone -- every instinct in my body tells me, it's not natural. I'm just trying to help you, Sayer. I don't want you to be disappointed. It gets cold out here at night. +I'm just trying to help you, Sayer. I don't want you to be disappointed. It gets cold out here at night. Nice try. If we can't get to her through you, maybe your family will be more co-operative. I can guarantee you, Taransky, one way or another, Miss Simone and I are going to get acquainted. +Nice try. If we can't get to her through you, maybe your family will be more co-operative. I can guarantee you, Taransky, one way or another, Miss Simone and I are going to get acquainted. I'd like to see that, Sayer. Invite me. +Nice boat, Taransky. It's a yacht. +It's a yacht. I know what you're up to. +I know what you're up to. I don't have time for this, Sayer. +I don't have time for this, Sayer. I think you do. I know it's a fake. +It's bogus. You used an old library shot for the background. The background is. +The background is. She was never in New Mexico. She never left the studio. +I've done my homework. I've studied her. -- I bet you have. +-- I bet you have. "-- I've looked at every piece of publicity she's ever done, the video in the supermarket, there's no evidence she's ever left the studio. Oh, and for some reason this woman leaves no paper trail. But I have ""obtained"" a copy of your bank accounts. I know you have power of attorney but so far you haven't transferred one single solitary cent to her." +"-- I've looked at every piece of publicity she's ever done, the video in the supermarket, there's no evidence she's ever left the studio. Oh, and for some reason this woman leaves no paper trail. But I have ""obtained"" a copy of your bank accounts. I know you have power of attorney but so far you haven't transferred one single solitary cent to her." I'm keeping it in trust. +I'm keeping it in trust. I know that's what you'd like us to believe. But I got to tell you -- embezzlement is a serious matter. Not to mention abduction. +I know that's what you'd like us to believe. But I got to tell you -- embezzlement is a serious matter. Not to mention abduction. Abduction? +Abduction? I don't buy the whole recluse scam. How are you doing it? What is it -- drugs? Blackmail? Mind-control? All three? What do you do -- keep her locked in a box somewhere? +What is it exactly you want, Sayer? I want to see her. Unless you show me Simone live and in person I show these pictures to the authorities. +Alright, Sayer, you've got a deal. Er,... good. +What now, Sayer? Looks familiar, doesn't she? No one comes from nowhere, Taransky. You turn over enough rocks... +I traced her to a nursing home. A young woman fitting Simone's description dropped her off five years ago. She looks a lot like you. +She looks a lot like you. She hasn't uttered a word that whole time -- until she saw the big show. +That doesn't prove a thing -- wait until I get a court order for a blood test. That won't be necessary. Sooner or later I knew you'd crack this thing, Max. You got me. +That won't be necessary. Sooner or later I knew you'd crack this thing, Max. You got me. I do? Sure I do. Can we speak off the record? I'm a fair man. I'm willing to sit down with her and tell her side of the story. +I do? Sure I do. Can we speak off the record? I'm a fair man. I'm willing to sit down with her and tell her side of the story. I wouldn't want you to compromise your ethics. +I wouldn't want you to compromise your ethics. No. Thanks. Absolutely. +You love her, don't you, Max? Don't you? +Don't you? This should take care of Mother. +Is it a jamming device? Maybe he's talking to himself. +Maybe he's talking to himself. Taransky isn't that good an actor. No, they're taking special precautions. Some kind of new encryption. +Taransky isn't that good an actor. No, they're taking special precautions. Some kind of new encryption. Why? +Why? Whatever it is, it's dark. +Whatever it is, it's dark. Dark? +Dark? Yes, very. +We've got our best people on it, Mr. Sayer. 24-hour tail on Taransky? +24-hour tail on Taransky? Shutter bugs camped outside any place he goes, every concierge and maitre d' on the take. But this Simone woman is good. +Shutter bugs camped outside any place he goes, every concierge and maitre d' on the take. But this Simone woman is good. Obviously the name isn't real -- she's using an assumed identity, travels under a false name, checks into hotels with an alias. She never stays in the same place two nights in a row. Anything on the satellite photos? What about the fingerprints? What happened when we dusted that hotel suite? +Well, we got some of Taransky's fingerprints, a lot of your fingerprints... but none of hers. Which means they're significant. Incriminating. Perhaps, criminal. She's hiding her past. She's hiding her past. +Of course -- no one's that perfect, that pure. You know I had something on Mother Teresa. But then she died and it wasn't worth it anymore. I know how to flush out this Simone -- a tell-all story from her childhood. My God, you've got one? +My God, you've got one? I will when you're finished writing it. +Am I wasting my time with you? When she sues to protect her privacy, she'll have to appear in a public courtroom to do it. Long live the First Amendment. +Long live the First Amendment. Sometimes you have to tell a small lie to get to the bigger truth. As for a photo -- if you can't do it, I know twelve million people who can. +Mr. Sayer... What do you want -- ? +What do you want -- ? Mr. Sayer, did we pay the million bucks yet? +Mr. Sayer, did we pay the million bucks yet? -- Cashier's check went out to our anonymous tipster this morning -- worth every penny too. Who says there's no place for checkbook journalism? We'll be running stills of this for months, then release the whole tape -- we'll get our money back -- maybe show it on an exclusive pay-per-view event. Do you realize what we have here? We have the only independent footage of Simone in existence. +-- Cashier's check went out to our anonymous tipster this morning -- worth every penny too. Who says there's no place for checkbook journalism? We'll be running stills of this for months, then release the whole tape -- we'll get our money back -- maybe show it on an exclusive pay-per-view event. Do you realize what we have here? We have the only independent footage of Simone in existence. We used to. +-- I've been here before! -- On my honeymoon with my ex-wife. Is that why she left you? +It's a hotel. I don't understand. +I don't understand. Could they have built that hotel since yesterday? +-- Nicola! How was your massage? You're in breach. +You're in breach. -- Is this about the new pages? -- I made the changes you wanted, you're in virtually every scene -- +-- Is this about the new pages? -- I made the changes you wanted, you're in virtually every scene -- It's not the size of the role, Viktor. Am I or am I not contractually entitled to the biggest trailer on the set? +It's not the size of the role, Viktor. Am I or am I not contractually entitled to the biggest trailer on the set? It's the biggest on earth! I swear! It's a 50-foot Airstream -- they don't make them any longer than that. +It's the biggest on earth! I swear! It's a 50-foot Airstream -- they don't make them any longer than that. Taller, Viktor. +Taller, Viktor. Taller? What? +I beg you. You can't do this to me. I had three other offers. I only signed on to this picture out of... loyalty. +I had three other offers. I only signed on to this picture out of... loyalty. Then show some. They'll shut me down! +Then show some. They'll shut me down! "It wasn't working anyhow. The scene with the thousand geese -- I don't understand this film. I don't think anyone will understand it. I already put out a press release -- citing ""creative differences""." +A lot's happened since we last saw each other. Yes. +Yes. "I never apologized properly for what happened on ""Sunrise""." +Thank you. It's not important. After I saw what Simone did with the role -- you know I fired all my people, went into rehab, took acting classes, changed my whole look. She really inspired me. +Would you like me to read? Yes, I'd like that. +You know you're really very good. I take back what I said. I mean, you're really good. Thank you. +Thank you. You could play the lead. +You could play the lead. But that's Simone's part. +But that's Simone's part. Yes, of course it is. You know you have a line here. Not a wrinkle. Actually, more of a dimple. I've been thinking of incorporating something like that in Simone. +Yes, of course it is. You know you have a line here. Not a wrinkle. Actually, more of a dimple. I've been thinking of incorporating something like that in Simone. You'd cosmetically alter Simone to look like me? +You'd cosmetically alter Simone to look like me? No, of course not, you're right. That would be crazy. +No one came in or went out just like you said, Mr. Taransky. Good. +Good. Is Miss Simone coming today? +Is Miss Simone coming today? She's already here. She arrived before you and she'll leave long after you've gone. Remember, under no circumstances are you or any other person to enter the set without my express permission. +She's already here. She arrived before you and she'll leave long after you've gone. Remember, under no circumstances are you or any other person to enter the set without my express permission. What if it catches on fire? +What if it catches on fire? Let it burn. Simone would rather go up in flames than give up her privacy. +Hi. Perfect. God, I'm so relaxed around you. +I'll do anything to please you, Mr. Taransky. I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say? +I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say? I'll do anything to please you, Mr. Taransky. +Simone, are you there? I certainly am, Mr. Taransky. +Let's take it down a notch. -- What you don't understand -- +Good morning, Simone. Good morning, Mr. Taransky. +Good morning, Mr. Taransky. A star is... +A star is... ... digitized. +You mean they buy it? Buy it? They're paying for it. And around here that's how you really know they buy it. +Maybe he can. Do you have any idea what this means, Simone? Our ability to manufacture fraud now exceeds our ability to detect it. +Do you have any idea what this means, Simone? Our ability to manufacture fraud now exceeds our ability to detect it. I am the death of real. +I am the death of real. You are birth of... what? A Phenomenon. A miracle. A new era in show business. All I wanted to do was finish the film. +You are birth of... what? A Phenomenon. A miracle. A new era in show business. All I wanted to do was finish the film. And now look what you've started. And now look what you've started. And now look what you've started. +Is that better, Mr. Taransky? Yes. Yes, it is. +You did create me. No. I... just helped bring someone else's dream to life. +No. I... just helped bring someone else's dream to life. Mr. Taransky, we both know I was nothing without you. I was computer code -- ones and zeros. +Mr. Taransky, we both know I was nothing without you. I was computer code -- ones and zeros. You're right. You're right. Of course, one doesn't want to boast. It's a classic case of technology in search of an artist. That's all you've been waiting for, an artist with integrity, with a vision, who can see. +See beyond that irrational allegiance to flesh and blood. -- See that with the rise in price of a real actor and the fall in price of a fake, the scales have tipped in favor of the fake. -- See that if the performance is genuine, it doesn't matter if the actor is real. Once a performance is committed to film, the blood and bones are gone anyway. Only the spirit, the illusion remains. Besides, what's real anymore? These days most actors have digital work done to them so it's a gray area. Are you ever going to tell the truth about me, Mr. Taransky? +Are you ever going to tell the truth about me, Mr. Taransky? The only real truth is in the work. +The only real truth is in the work. You know what I'm talking about. +You know what I'm talking about. Yes. Yes, I'm going to tell the truth about you, why wouldn't I...? Of course, with Hank's tragic passing, the secret died with him. I am going to tell the truth... after your next picture. +Speaking of which -- this is the project I'd like you to do next. "Not, ""Eternity Forever""? The legendary unproduced script that was too good ever to get made? I'd kill for that part." +"Not, ""Eternity Forever""? The legendary unproduced script that was too good ever to get made? I'd kill for that part." I was hoping you'd say that. +You're going to get in a lot of trouble, Mr. Taransky. Why do you have to bring that up? There's always risk -- life's a risk. It's worth it. Besides, how could something so lovely be a crime? Well, I think we've done enough for today. You've been cooped up in there too long. How about you and me go out on the town? They're expecting us. +Mahogany. I'd say that cost at least a couple hundred. Maybe three. Three? We should hock it. Buy a C.D. rack for the bedroom. +Three? We should hock it. Buy a C.D. rack for the bedroom. Do you know how important this is? This is big time. I'm going to read it for you, doctor. +Do you know how important this is? This is big time. I'm going to read it for you, doctor. Do I really sound like Dr. Seuss? +Wow. They called you their son. We can keep it in the bathroom. +--My God. --Do I know you? +Are you calling me? What? You don't see enough of me at the store? +Why, Malcolm? What, Anna? What did I do? What's made you so sad? +Why did you leave me? I didn't leave you. +I just needed to do a couple of things. And I needed to tell you something. Tell me. +Goodnight, Malcolm. Goodnight, sweetheart. +On my way to the flea market in Amish country. Thought maybe you want to come. Show me how to buy at these things. I trust you... Besides, I don't know if I'm up for the Amish today. You can't curse or spit or anything around them. +That's very sweet. I'm okay. Do you think I should stop by on my way back? Show you what I got? It's not a problem. +You know that's probably not the best idea. I'll just wait to see them in the store. Okay. Fine. Understood. I'm off then. +Okay. Fine. Understood. I'm off then. Don't step in the horse manure. +Don't step in the horse manure. Thanks. +Your eye frames. They don't seem to have any lenses in them. They're my dad's. The lenses hurt my eyes. +They're my dad's. The lenses hurt my eyes. I knew there was a sound explanation. +What was that you were saying before with your soldiers? Day pro fun. ...De profundis clamo ad te domine. +All your soldiers speak Latin? No, just one. +What were they hiding from? Oh, lots of things, I suppose. Bad people for one. People who wanted to imprison them. Hurt them. +Oh, lots of things, I suppose. Bad people for one. People who wanted to imprison them. Hurt them. Nothing bad can happen in a church, right? +I forgot your name. Dr. Crowe. +Dr. Crowe. You're a doctor. What kind? +You're a doctor. What kind? I work with young people who might be sad or upset or just want to talk. I try to help them figure things out. +I got an award once. From the Mayor. Congratulations. +Congratulations. Thank you. It was a long time ago. I've kind of been retired for a while. You're my very first client back. +Thank you. It was a long time ago. I've kind of been retired for a while. You're my very first client back. You use needles? +You use needles? No. +No. Not even little ones that aren't supposed to hurt? +Not even little ones that aren't supposed to hurt? No. +No. That's good. +I'm going to see you again, right? If it's okay with you? +And Cole, next time I won't be late for you. Next time I won't be scared of you. +We were supposed to draw a picture. Anything we wanted... I drew a man. He got hurt in the neck by another man with a screwdriver. You saw that on T.V., Cole? +Everybody got upset. They had a meeting. Momma started crying. I don't draw like that anymore. How do you draw now? +How do you draw now? I draw people with smiles, dogs running, and rainbows. They don't have meetings about rainbows. +I draw people with smiles, dogs running, and rainbows. They don't have meetings about rainbows. I guess they don't. +You want to ask me a question? See, this is why I lose at poker. Yes, I do have a question. +Private Kinney's wife is really sick -- she has something called a brain anism. You mean aneurysm. +You mean aneurysm. Yeah, Private Kinney needed to get back safe to take care of her. +Where should I look then, Cole? Look over there. +I walk this way to school with Tommy Tammisimo. He your best buddy? +He hates me. You hate him? +You ever tell her about how it is with Tommy? I don't tell her a thing. +I don't tell her a thing. Why? +Why? Cause she doesn't look at me like everybody and I don't want her to. I don't want her to know. +Cause she doesn't look at me like everybody and I don't want her to. I don't want her to know. Know what? +Know what? That I'm a freak. +"You said the ""s"" word." Yeah. Sorry. +Mr. Marschal gets real lonely. What about Mrs. Marschal? +What about Mrs. Marschal? She died a long time ago. +...So your dad lives in Pittsburgh with a lady who works in a toll booth. What if she has to pee when she's working? You think she just holds it? +What if she has to pee when she's working? You think she just holds it? I don't know. I was just thinking the same thing. +What'd you write? Words. +Words. What kind of words? +What kind of words? Upset words. +Think about what you want from our time together. What our goal should be? Something I want? +Something I want? If we could change something in your life, anything at all, what would you like that to be? +That isn't magic. What? +What? You just kept the penny in that hand the whole time... +You just kept the penny in that hand the whole time... Who me? +I didn't know you were funny. I forgot myself. +Your father ever tell you bedtime stories? Yes. +Once upon a time there was a prince, who was being driven around... He drove around for a long, long time... Driving and driving... It was a long trip... He fell asleep... When he woke up, they were still driving... The long drive went on-- Dr. Crowe. +Dr. Crowe. Yes. +Yes. You haven't told bedtime stories before? +You haven't told bedtime stories before? No. +No. You have to add some twists and stuff. Maybe they run out of gas. +You have to add some twists and stuff. Maybe they run out of gas. No gas... Hey, that's good. +What makes you think that? Your eyes told me. +I don't know how the story ends. I hope it's a happy ending. Me too. +Dead people, like in graves and coffins? No, walking around, like regular people... They can't see each other. Some of them don't know they're dead. +No, walking around, like regular people... They can't see each other. Some of them don't know they're dead. They don't know they're dead? +How often do you see them? All the time. They're everywhere. You won't tell anyone my secret, right? +...No. Will you stay here till I fall asleep? +Did you think the play sucked big time? What? +What? Tommy Tammisimo acted in a cough syrup commercial. He thought everybody was self-conscious and unrealistic. He said the play sucked big time. +Tommy Tammisimo acted in a cough syrup commercial. He thought everybody was self-conscious and unrealistic. He said the play sucked big time. I know every child is special in their own way, but Tommy sounds like a punk. I thought the play was excellent. Better than Cats. +I know every child is special in their own way, but Tommy sounds like a punk. I thought the play was excellent. Better than Cats. Cats? +Cats? Never mind. +Yes? And the tiny hairs on your arm. Are they all standing up? +When they get mad, it gets cold. Them? +Can I ask you then? Yes. +Yes. What do you want more than anything? +What do you want more than anything? I don't know. +I don't know. I told you what I want. +I told you what I want. I don't know, Cole. +I don't know, Cole. Why don't you think about it for a while? +I have to. When? +When? Soon. One week. +I'm going to transfer you. I know two psychologists that are exceptional-- Don't fail me. +--What? Don't give up. You're the only one who can help me. I know it. +Don't cry. It means I wasn't what everyone thought I was... I was a fake. +It means I wasn't what everyone thought I was... I was a fake. You weren't a paper champion. +You weren't a paper champion. Someone else can help you. Someone else can make you happy. +Dr. Crowe? Yes. +Yes. You believe me, right? +Something happened, didn't it? Yes, it did. +Yes, it did. Are you wigging out? +Are you wigging out? Yes, I am. +Yes, I am. We're not gonna start crying again, are we? +We're not gonna start crying again, are we? No, we're not. +No, we're not. What happened? +You really look better. Maybe they wake up that morning thinking they have a thousand things to do and a thousand days left to do them in... And then all of a sudden, it's all taken away. No one asked them. It's just gone... +Maybe they wake up that morning thinking they have a thousand things to do and a thousand days left to do them in... And then all of a sudden, it's all taken away. No one asked them. It's just gone... You have nice red in your cheeks now. +You have nice red in your cheeks now. Do you know what 'Yo no quiero morir' is? +It's Spanish. It means... 'I don't want to die.' Not all the ghosts are scary, are they? Like Mrs. Marschal? No. +No. What do those ghosts want when they talk to you? Think real careful now, Cole... +Just help. Yes! I think that's right!... I think they all want that. Even the scary ones... +Yes! I think that's right!... I think they all want that. Even the scary ones... You believe now? +I believe both of you now. And I think I might know how to make them go away. You do? +What if they don't want help? What if they're just angry and they want to hurt somebody? I don't think that's the way it works, Cole. +She came a long way to visit me, didn't she? I guess she did. +I wish I were somewhere else. Where will you go, where no one has died? +Don't go home, okay? I definitely won't. +I think we said everything we needed to say. Maybe it's time to say things to someone else? Someone close to you? Maybe. +You were great in the play, Cole. Really? +Really? And you know what else? +And you know what else? What? +What? Tommy Tammisimo sucked big time. +They're right here. Oh. +What are you thinking, Momma? Lots of things. +Lots of things. Anything bad about me? +It was Grandma's. It's not for playing. What if it broke? You know how sad I'd be. You'd cry. Cause you miss grandma so much. +You'd cry. Cause you miss grandma so much. That's right. So why do you take it, sweetheart? +That's right. So why do you take it, sweetheart? Sometimes people think they lose things and they didn't really lose them. It just gets moved. +Sometimes people think they lose things and they didn't really lose them. It just gets moved. Did you move the bumble bee pendant? +You didn't take it before. You didn't take it the time after that. And now, you didn't take it again? Don't get mad. +Don't get mad. So who moved it? +There's only two of us. Maybe someone came in our house -- took the bumble bee pendant out of my closet, and then laid it nicely in your drawer? Is that what happened? Maybe. +I'd give anything to have been there. I'm ready to communicate with you now. +Communicate? Tell you my secrets. +You know that accident up there? Yeah. +Yeah. Someone got hurt. +Someone got hurt. They did? +They did? A lady. She died. +A lady. She died. Oh my God. +You can see her? Yes. +Where is she? Standing next to my window. +Cole, you're scaring me. They scare me too sometimes. +They scare me too sometimes. They? +They? Dead people. +Dead people. Dead people? +Dead people? Ghosts. +You see ghosts, Cole? They want me to do things for them. +They want me to do things for them. They talk to you? +What are you thinking, Momma? ...I don't know. +...I don't know. You think I'm a freak? +I would never think that about you... ever... Got it? Got it. +She says she's sorry for taking the bumble bee pendant. She just likes it a lot. What? +What? Grandma comes to visit me sometimes. +Cole, that's very wrong. Grandma's gone. You know that. I know. +She wanted me to tell you-- Cole, please stop. +Cole, please stop. She wanted me to tell you, she saw you dance. +Yes, Cole? They used to hang people here. +That's not correct. Where'd you hear that? They'd pull the people in crying and kissing their families bye... People watching would spit at them. +Cole, this was a legal courthouse. Laws were passed here. Some of the first laws of this country. This building was full of lawyers. Lawmakers. They were the ones who hanged everybody. +I don't like people looking at me like that. Like what? +Like what? Stop it! +I don't know how else to look-- You're a stuttering Stanley! +Excuse me? You talked funny when you went to school here. You talked funny all the way to high school! +What-- You shouldn't laugh at people. It makes them feel bad. +How did you--? Stop looking at me. +Stuttering Stanley! Stuttering Stanley! Who! +Stuttering Stanley! S-ssstop that! +S-ssstop that! Stuttering Stanley! Stuttering Stanley! +Stuttering Stanley! Stuttering Stanley! S-ssssstop it! +S-ssssstop it! Stuttering-- +Stuttering-- --Shhhhhhut upppp you fffffffreak! +...He doesn't get invited places. It's our pleasure. +It's our pleasure. The last time was a Chuck E. Cheese party a year ago. He hid in one of those purple plastic tunnels and didn't come out. +The last time was a Chuck E. Cheese party a year ago. He hid in one of those purple plastic tunnels and didn't come out. Chuck E. who? +Chuck E. who? Cheese. It's a kid's place. +I work at an insurance place and at Penny's, so Cole can go to that good school. J. C. Penny's? +Good for you. I wish I could be like my momma though. She always knew what was wrong. Knew just what to say. +Your pa's waiting for you up at the house. How'd he know I'd come? +'Course, some folks say 'ol Jethro shouldn't have been buried up here... with the rest of the Macdonalds. Meaning? +Meaning? Hell, he was your grandfather. You know what he did. +Maybe you don't want to remember. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? 'Course, it's none of my business. +'Course, it's none of my business. Let's say today, we make it your business. +You ever hear of... the harvest of blood? Superstition. +Superstition. Your grandfather sure believed in it. Worked pretty good... too. +Your grandfather sure believed in it. Worked pretty good... too. Chicken blood on the crops. +Chicken blood on the crops. "...Chicken blood? Who said it was... ""chicken blood""?" +I'd watch your step if I were you, son. Oh yeah? Why's that? +Oh yeah? Why's that? You're standing in horseshit. +Just talked to Orwell down at the garage. Says getting a new alternator for your bus is no problem. Alright! +Alright! Could take a little while, though. +Could take a little while, though. "What's a ""little while?""" +"What's a ""little while?""" Two.. maybe three days. +"Yo. ""Billy Bob"". Was I two beats behind, or what?" Nope. +Nope. See? +See? You were a beat and a quarter behind. +You were a beat and a quarter behind. Fuck you! If you're such an expert on music, why don't you go get your dueling banjo and sit in on the next song? +Fuck you! If you're such an expert on music, why don't you go get your dueling banjo and sit in on the next song? I ain't never played a banjo in my life. +Okay, Farm Boy. Joke's over. You've been playin' me from jump street. Where's my Nikes? Nikes? What-the-hail you talkin' about? +Listen to me, you banjo-dueling, country ass hayseed... I want my Nikes and I want them now! You... think... I... stole... your... fancy shoes? I... wouldn't... be... caught... dead in 'em. +Get off his case sweetie. Where'd you come from? Groupies R Us? +Where'd you come from? Groupies R Us? Fuck you. +Fuck you. Fuck me? Fuck YOU!! +Bitch. Slut. +Slut. Witch. +Witch. Tramp. +Hey! Don't use all the hot water! Keep your shirt on! I'm almost done! +Keep your shirt on! I'm almost done! Bitch. +Bitch. Bitch. +"Let me guess. We're going on a ""long trip""." Not according to these. +Rod... I have to get back to my job. Someone actually... employs you? +Someone actually... employs you? I happen to be a professional. +I happen to be a professional. Which street corner? +Hi. ...Hi. +...Hi. ...You any good with those? +You have a strong unfufilled desire. Yeah. To get the hell off this farm. +Yeah. To get the hell off this farm. No. This is something spiritual. An ambition. +No. This is something spiritual. An ambition. The band. +Aha. The Lovers. Not lately. +Suzie??? The hell with this. I'm coming back up!!! +Looks like the alternator. Yeah. It's the alternator all right. +Yeah. It's the alternator all right. How would you know? You're looking at my tits. Jesus, Carl. Your job is to keep us on the road! +How would you know? You're looking at my tits. Jesus, Carl. Your job is to keep us on the road! I didn't do anything -- +Hey, isn't that the preacher? Find out what's holding things up. I want to get the hell off this farm. +Dammit, Carl!!!! Sorry. +There's something weird going on here, Suzie. No shit. +No shit. I'm serious. Get this. I had a careful look at that alternator. It's clearly been messed with... it's not wear and tear that caused that breakdown... +I'm serious. Get this. I had a careful look at that alternator. It's clearly been messed with... it's not wear and tear that caused that breakdown... You're saying someone's trying to keep us on the farm...? +You're saying someone's trying to keep us on the farm...? Not someone -- Mac. +Come on -- "Suzie, face it. The only ""axe"" he's picked up since we came here... is a real one. He doesn't give a damn about the band anymore... or about you." +Carl, what are you doing? You need someone who can protect you, Suzie. +AAAAAAAAAAAA -- He should turn that music down. Jeremiah's gonna kill him. +Gene. Missed you at church this morning, Jeremiah. +Missed you at church this morning, Jeremiah. You're not going to arrest me for it, are you? +You're not going to arrest me for it, are you? "Hell, no. But you missed a damn good sermon. ""You can't hide a wicked heart from the eyes of the Lord.""" +"Hell, no. But you missed a damn good sermon. ""You can't hide a wicked heart from the eyes of the Lord.""" Sounds familiar. +Sounds familiar. Book of Jeremiah. +Thought your boy and his band were only staying the night. Bus broke down. +You know, one day I'm going to have to shut down that still of yours, Jeremiah. Well, why don't you hold these as evidence in the meantime. +Motherfucking soundman! I couldn't hear myself sing! I could. You sucked. +I could. You sucked. Hey. Fuck you. +Hey. Fuck you. Where's Jack? Anybody seen Jack? +Okay. My main man. Marvin Gaye. Easy. Gunshot. Patricide. Next. +"Wait a second. Did you say ""patricide?""" Yeah. Marvin's old man gunned him down. +Yeah. Marvin's old man gunned him down. That's not patricide. Patricide is when you gun down your old man. +That's not patricide. Patricide is when you gun down your old man. "All right. ""Fratricide"". Minor technical detail." +"All right. ""Fratricide"". Minor technical detail." Wrong. Fratricide is when you gun down your brother. You're out. My turn. +Wrong. Fratricide is when you gun down your brother. You're out. My turn. Fine. Be that way. Jim Morrison. +Fine. Be that way. Jim Morrison. Died in the bathtub... if, in fact, he's really dead. Next. +Nike specials. Two hundred bucks. Two hundred bucks?? Are you crazy? +"""Peggy-Sue"" --" "-- ""Billy-Jean"" --" +Damn! These are one hundred dollar Nikes! I thought you said two hundred. +Curt Cobain. Shotgun. Suicide. Next? +Well, there goes our record deal. Nah. We still got Billy Bob. +You're out of your mind, man. I am not! I'm telling you, it's worth its weight in gold. +I am not! I'm telling you, it's worth its weight in gold. Let me get this straight... we're talking about manure? +The ancient Aztecs knew how powerful this stuff was. Cowshit? Are you sure the Aztecs even had cows? +Are you crazy? Sprinkled a pinch of manure in there just before I rolled it. +Hmmm. This shit isn't bad. Manure... is life. +So... what does it do? It harvests! It threshes! Look at these blades. +Should we be doing this, dude? Metaphysical question, man. +"""Old Macdonald... had --""" """-- an AXE!""" +"""With a hack-hack here --""" """And a slash-slash there --""" +"""And a slash-slash there --""" Hi Suze. +He means moon shining. Harvest moonshining! +Harvest moonshining! Old Macdonald had some... MOONSHINE! +Yeah, man. You were wrong, Suze. My solo definitely works better in the second verse. He's right. Nice guitar break. +Carl! Oh Carrrrl! Come out, come out wherever you are! +We've got to call someone -- get the sheriff-- The Sheriff?! We don't need the sheriff!!! We need to get the hell out of here! +What are you going to do? Shoot me? Depends. You got some nerve intruding on a man's grief. I bet I could pull this trigger right now and call it justifiable homicide. Now: who are you? +Depends. You got some nerve intruding on a man's grief. I bet I could pull this trigger right now and call it justifiable homicide. Now: who are you? You know who I am. You invited me. +I'm your son. And Laureen's son. Ain't nobody mentioned that name on this farm for 14 years. My boy was taken from me... far as I'm concerned, he's dead. Now, I ain't gonna ask you again. -- Who are you?! +Ain't nobody mentioned that name on this farm for 14 years. My boy was taken from me... far as I'm concerned, he's dead. Now, I ain't gonna ask you again. -- Who are you?! Joseph Macdonald... Your son. +Joseph Macdonald... Your son. Joseph Macdonald. Damn right, boy. And don't you forget it. +I came back for the funeral. That's all. Broke her heart you never visited... But I always said you'd come back. +I'll be gone again tomorrow. ...Guess it was her time to go. You can't argue... when the good Lord calls you home. +"How... was she ""called?""" Pardon? +Pardon? Aunt Edith. How did she... die? +That old barn. After the fire... I rebuilt it nail by nail. Just the way your granddaddy would've wanted it. This is his room... isn't it? +This is his room... isn't it? Was. You ain't afraid of ghosts, now are you? +Was. You ain't afraid of ghosts, now are you? I'll be fine here. +You got it wrong, boy. I'm not the monster you think. Maybe you should tell that to the old lady you tried to hit with the shovel. +Maybe you should tell that to the old lady you tried to hit with the shovel. I wouldn't pay Jesse no mind at all. She's just a crazy old woman. Hasn't been right in the head since her husband passed away. Wasn't much right before that, neither. +I wouldn't pay Jesse no mind at all. She's just a crazy old woman. Hasn't been right in the head since her husband passed away. Wasn't much right before that, neither. "She was talking about... a ""harvest of blood""..." +Old slave superstition. You sprinkle a little blood mixed with water on the crops, you get yourself a good harvest... So they say. """Blood?""" +You'll be back. I don't think so. +You like it? Irrigation system. Your grandaddy built it himself. Saved the land from dying. "That's a good idea. Maybe we should have a little ""talk"" about grandaddy Jethro." +"That's a good idea. Maybe we should have a little ""talk"" about grandaddy Jethro." Sure. What do you want to know. +Sure. What do you want to know. People say he was a murderer. +People say he was a murderer. That's your grandfather you're talking about! I... know what people say. Heard it... all my life. +"Then who?! Because someone wants another blood harvest. With human blood, Jeremiah! Just like Jethro! Who did he kill back then, Jeremiah? Farmhands? Transients? People no one would miss? ""Crazy Old Macdonald!"" But now... it's starting again, isn't it? Someone's picking up where Jethro left off!" -- It's not me! +-- It's not me! Who then, Jeremiah?? -- Who?! +It's time to make amends. Amends...? +Amends...? Think boy. That night. The night of the fire. At the barn. You were only six years old. +Think boy. That night. The night of the fire. At the barn. You were only six years old. I -- +Throw me one. Not while you're driving. +-- And keep your eyes on the road. "I'm admiring your costume. What ""movie"" are you going as again?" +"I'm admiring your costume. What ""movie"" are you going as again?" Sheena, Queen of the Jungle. +Never heard of it. I'm not surprised. It's got a body count of zero. And no one goes around in a stupid mask, hacking innocent people to death. +I'm not surprised. It's got a body count of zero. And no one goes around in a stupid mask, hacking innocent people to death. You don't like my costume? Cool. I'll go with plan B. Which one you like better? +Is that all you ever think of? Suppose I was really hurt! Dammit, Karen -- I was just... looking for your pulse. +Dammit, Karen -- I was just... looking for your pulse. -- By way of my breasts? +Ow! What's wrong? +What's wrong? Nothing. I'll have us back on the road in no time. +Hey -- Macdonald's farm! Ray -- I'd like to get to the club sometime before dawn. +Jesus. What a bunch of useless zombies. Who? Us?! +Who? Us?! The audience! +Hey. Could you be a little more insensitive? We're on our way to a funeral for Crissake. Yeah. Our own. I don't see why we got to go along for the ride. +You know what they say about men who need big guns... Hey. Some Klu Klux Klan homeboy gets in my face, he gonna have a few extra holes in his bedsheet. +Hey. Some Klu Klux Klan homeboy gets in my face, he gonna have a few extra holes in his bedsheet. Down boy. +Down boy. "Who you callin' ""boy?""" +Yeah. Maybe I can pick a little cotton for da masta. You got something against farm people, Keith? +You got something against farm people, Keith? "Not at all. They lynched my ancestors, they smell like manure, they have sex with their relatives... and they all have two first names: ""Bobby- Joe"" --" +It's a farm, Keith. You're not supposed to shoot the rooster. He started it. +He started it. You seen Mac? His bed hasn't been slept in. +You seen Mac? His bed hasn't been slept in. What?! You mean... I slept on this couch for nothing?! +Hallelujah! ...Civilization... here I come! Amen. +What the fuck you talking about, man? He's right. You were behind. +Asphyxiation. Choked to death on a ham sandwich. Next. Buzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry, wrong answer! +Buzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry, wrong answer! Chicken sandwich? +Chicken sandwich? Bzzzzzzzzzt! +Bzzzzzzzzzt! Fuck you! Who cares what sandwich the bitch was eating? +You wanna know the difference? The difference is that you're screwing up the song. Yeah. Sure. I'm screwing up the song. You're the one who's been two beats behind since we kicked it off. +Shit! Relax. He liked what he saw. Well, some of it. Enough to give us a showcase audition. One week from today. +Relax. He liked what he saw. Well, some of it. Enough to give us a showcase audition. One week from today. Yes! +Yes! Which means we've got ONE week to start acting like a professional band. +Try taking a left after the next cow pasture. "Yeah. That sounds good. ""Hang a left at the first cow patty, then make a right when you see porky pig""." +Yeah. That's just the problem. Tell me you checked the bus before we left, Carl. +You guys figure it out. I'm taking a break. Yeah. Good idea. Go milk the cows, feed the chickens. +How does it feel, Keith? Fuck you! Fuck all of you! I'm done kickin' it with cows and roosters. -- And drinking moonshine with Johnny Cash! Senior AND Junior! +Fuck you! Fuck all of you! I'm done kickin' it with cows and roosters. -- And drinking moonshine with Johnny Cash! Senior AND Junior! Is that right? +Is that right? Yeah, that's right! I'm outta here -- Y'all can kiss my city ass goodbye!... I'm gone with the wind. +"Time for a little... ""feedback"" guys. That guy from Hectic Records --" Yeah? +Yeah? -- picked tonight to come by and watch our set. +You never told us you grew up on a farm. Nothing to tell. +My father and I don't exactly see eye to eye. About what? +About what? Name something. +Name something. Then why go back now? +Then why go back now? Still trying to figure it out myself. +What about Jeremiah? Nah. Just you. +What's wrong? This... used to be Jethro's room. The attic. +This... used to be Jethro's room. The attic. So? +So? When I was a kid... I was never allowed up here... +I'm talking to the spirit of Jethro Macdonald. Is it okay to have sex in your old attic with your grandson? We'll be careful of the bed -- Let it go. +Let it go. I bet if he were still alive, he'd like to watch. +"Think of it... as a threesome. You. Me. And... ""Jethro.""" I said that's enough! +We're almost ready. What the hell are you doing out here? I... heard something... came in here last night. Must have gone to sleep. +How'd you get that? Playing with your pitchfork? Picked up one of those shears. Blade's razor sharp. -- Where is everyone? +Picked up one of those shears. Blade's razor sharp. -- Where is everyone? Getting ready. +Getting ready. Look. You want to talk about this? +Look. You want to talk about this? I don't think so. Keith's about to use the rooster for target practice. Besides... you didn't seem too interested last night. +Strange... I can feel my old self coming back... Mmmm -- so can I... +You wouldn't understand. You never had trouble communicating before. +Suzie -- Billy Bob's dead. -- We were wrong -- he didn't do anything. I-It's the scarecrow -- +Billy Bob's dead. -- We were wrong -- he didn't do anything. I-It's the scarecrow -- Wait a minute -- +Wait a minute -- I... saw him -- he tried to kill me -- he's, he's -- still -- out there -- +I... saw him -- he tried to kill me -- he's, he's -- still -- out there -- What are -- +What are -- HE'S STILL OUT THERE!!! +HE'S STILL OUT THERE!!! "-- You're not making sense!! What ""Scarecrow""?" +You're... limping. I hurt my leg. Diving away from the Harvester -- it almost got me. +Suzie... No. It's you. You and your father. +It's you. You and your father. No -- +No -- You brought us here. And that morning I found you in the barn. You had scratches on your face -- +You brought us here. And that morning I found you in the barn. You had scratches on your face -- Listen to me -- +Listen to me -- You sabotaged the bus! You kept us here... To die! First Keith, then Carl -- +You sabotaged the bus! You kept us here... To die! First Keith, then Carl -- Suzie -- +No Mac, please... I -- Don't look. +Mac... let's get out of here. Don't you see? Whatever's going on... I'm part of it. +Get out of here. No. Not without you -- +The trap door. That's how he escaped the fire... You've been... hiding him all these years. Helping him... irrigate the land. With blood... +...no... Mac... p-please... Can't help it, Suze... family sticks together... +I almost thought for a second... Never. +Yeah. Great work, Rod. But next time, it would be nice... if you could JOIN US FOR THE ENTIRE SET! I was getting 'warmed' up. +Hey. Anyone here need lessons, just talk to me. Yeah, I'll teach you a lesson -- +What is it?!! Spider. +She's a Tarot Card Reader at a shopping mall. What a surprise. -- What about our audition? +Hold it, hold it. Aren't you forgetting something, Rod? Like what? +Like what? Like your guitar break. +Like your guitar break. It's coming right up. After the third verse. +It's coming right up. After the third verse. Second verse! +Second verse! Jeez, what's the difference? Just 'cause it's rock 'n roll, doesn't mean it's be set in stone. +-- Where have you two been? Us? We been... moonlighting. +Where's Mac? Who knows? Just like a man... never around when you need them. +Carl. CARL??? Carl did this?!! +CARL??? Carl did this?!! Last night... he tried to get it on with me. +Someone better tell Mac. Why bother? +It gets worse. He's cut all the phone lines. What'll we do? +Bill, you're Chief of police now. Comes with some Goddamn responsibility, like keeping your people in line. +Comes with some Goddamn responsibility, like keeping your people in line. You're right, Jack. Margaret, you're fired. +Shit. Bill, we need to talk! +Bill, we need to talk! 'Mornin', Jack. +Bill, this Brenda's Randy Flagg's niece. We need to find Grant yesterday! The town council has lit a Roman candle and stuck it up my ass! Hell, Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business. +Hell, Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business. Don't fuck with me, Bill. Your post here as Chief is in dire straits you don't work this shit out. +How are you going to find him? Dude's a half--squid. Ain't many places he can hide. Sea World, maybe. +That young lady heard you say 'squid.' She's gonna go out and create a Goddamn hysteria! Sherry, you gonna create a hysteria? +What? Touch some deer feces out in the forest. Eat a sandwich without washing your hands. Then you got lyme disease. +Touch some deer feces out in the forest. Eat a sandwich without washing your hands. Then you got lyme disease. And that makes you look like a squid? +And that makes you look like a squid? I'll tell you what, no one with lyme disease gonna win any damn handsome contests! +Don't worry. The lurker ain't around. I checked. That's not funny. +That's not funny. Sorry. +Sorry. Whatcha' doin'? +Whatcha' doin'? Tryin' to get a buzz on. But I'm too buff. Too much muscle mass. +What you up to? Just checking out the lights. +Pretty, ain't they? I don't know. I've seen them so many times before. I guess any spot gets boring after awhile. +I don't know. I've seen them so many times before. I guess any spot gets boring after awhile. Well that's only if you're in the wrong spot. +There's a place over there on the bluffs. When the fog is just right, like tonight, the lights of Main look like a kaleidoscope. Oh, yeah? +Oh, yeah? Mm hm. But only a few folks know how to get there. Wally. Rollo Linkski coulda taken you, but 'course he got hit by that train. Me. +Mm hm. But only a few folks know how to get there. Wally. Rollo Linkski coulda taken you, but 'course he got hit by that train. Me. I'll get Wally to show me sometime then. +Grant, where'd you go? Hey, Grant. +Maybe she's ever called the house, or -- ? No. What…? +No. What…? She disappeared Friday night. We got reason to believe foul play might be involved. +How about Brenda? New? No. We're hoping we find Grant, he'll lead us to her. +Bill, I heard what you're doing. I think I should go along. Why? Listen, it doesn't matter. I gotta go. +Wait! Dammit, Bill, if that girl's still out there, how will you find her? How, unless you bring Grant in alive? Your best chance of doing that is with me. I can talk to him -- He tried to kill you, Starla. +He tried to kill you, Starla. He did. I know. But I got him angry 'cause I wasn't calm. This time I could -- +Please, Bill. What happened, it's my fault, I know it. Starla, it ain't -- +Starla, it ain't -- It is. He'd been acting strange. And the physical changes. I should have told someone right away... But I was just blind. I wanted to pretend it wasn't happening... If I don't do what I can to help now, I just couldn't live with it. +No reception out here. Bill, I'll run out to your car, call for paramedics from there. +Was always curious why you... married Grant in the first place... Just never seemed outta love. I know what people say, Bill. I... Remember, back in high school I worked at my father's gas station? +Grant used to get filled up every day. I knew it was just to see me. He was too old -- But he was handsome. And he had that big ol' Lincoln then. I flirted with him. Well, big ol' Lincoln, sure. Guess I would have flirted with him too. +My father, he was -- he was real close to evil. People didn't know. Still don't. From the time I was a toddler he'd beat the hell out of me. I don't mean just like a smack for smart--mouthing... he took a real enjoyment in it. And when I turned eleven or twelve, things... well, they got worse. Starla looks at Bill, who seems struck. When you wanted to run away, I called your dad. +When you wanted to run away, I called your dad. That wasn't a good night, no. +That wasn't a good night, no. I'm sorry. +After all this shit tonight, I know for sure now you regret not running off with me to Hollywood! Hell, Starla. I always regretted that. +What are you doing?! We can't make it. Just get away, when you get the chance. +We can't make it. Just get away, when you get the chance. What? +What? He wants me, Bill! I'm going to get him to take me to him! See if you can follow me, and kill him! +He wants me, Bill! I'm going to get him to take me to him! See if you can follow me, and kill him! No, Starla! No! +We can probably get some first aid and food at this gas station up here. Yeah. Good. +I'll get it for you. Ibuprofen or aspirin? Aspirin. +We'll just head up here into Bishopville, get checked up in the hospital. Then maybe we'll head off to Hollywood after all, huh? Okay. +Please, Starla. I'm gonna do my best not to hurt anybody -- You took Bill. +You took Bill. It's my nature. +It's my nature. And this is mine. +What's she see in that douchebag? That's the mystery of the ages there, Trev. Starla was seventeen when they got engaged. He was, like, in his thirties. No one even knew they were goin' out till she had that ring on her finger. +He's gotta be in the forest. All three ranches run alongside it. Think we should get up a search party, head in there? +And then we get here, the Castavets', where last night's shit--storm took place. I see. It's like as if he's going in a pattern. Is that what you're saying, Bill? +Where are you?! We're coming your way, man! +He's a fucking Martian?! A Martian is from Mars, Trevor. +When I buy my zoo, I'm leaving them things the hell out! Shelby! +What the hell are we going to do?! Just block the doors, any way you can. +Surprised you're able to lift a mug after carrying that torch for so long. Hey, Wally. Glad you're here. There was something I wanted to tell you... +What? Oh yeah. Fuck you, fat ass. +Some kids found her necklace near Tipper Creek, as well as what might be her blood on a rock. The problem, Starla, is, the last person anyone saw her talking to was Grant. +Rorschach. What do you see? I see a butterfly. +Looks like a chipmunk. Your momma wasn't too proud when you came out neither, Wally. +I think we best get you to a hospital right quick. What the fuck they gonna do with her in a hospital, Bill? +You dig that rat out of the hole? Listen, you got any reports of... I don't know what you call 'em. They look like big slugs, only fast. +Listen, you got any reports of... I don't know what you call 'em. They look like big slugs, only fast. Slugs? No. 'Less you talkin' about that new waitress down at Sloan's! Ha ha! +Slugs? No. 'Less you talkin' about that new waitress down at Sloan's! Ha ha! Shelby -- +Shelby -- Oh, shit! I hope she ain't a police radio aficionado. If so, I apolog +Oh, shit! I hope she ain't a police radio aficionado. If so, I apolog Shelby, shut up. Keep an eye out for these things. If you see 'em, keep your mouth covered. Otherwise they'll go straight down it. All right? +Are you nodding? Yeah. +Yeah. I can't hear when you're nodding. +I can't hear when you're nodding. Sorry. +Sorry. We'll be there in ten minutes. +Shelby, we broke down on 22, a mile outside town. Come pick us up. I got to leave my post. +I got to leave my post. Do it. +Hey there, Chief. Shelby! We need people out here at Cosgrove and McCammon right away! +Shelby! We need people out here at Cosgrove and McCammon right away! Don't worry, Chief. +Megan Halesy' little sister. Shit. You're kidding me. Nope. BRENDA Brenda! GRANT Hell, you were -- +My sister Megan, she's a big fat cow. Was then, even more so now. I'd be thinking, what'd you see in her ain't in me? Shit, girl, you couldn't'a been eleven. +Shit, girl, you couldn't'a been eleven. Hell, I was game! +Who's the lucky fella? Fuck lucky. Never marry a damn half--Mexican. +Fuck lucky. Never marry a damn half--Mexican. Already ain't. Married a gal named -- +Already ain't. Married a gal named -- Starla Covington. Don't be ignorant. Everyone knows that. Fucking prom queen. +You're lookin' awful pretty. Shut up. +Where's the old half--Mexican? Took the kids to his Mom's for the weekend. +Guess it's hard to explain how amazin' a human brain is to someone who that's all they know. What? +What? Stuff you can never imagine. Feelings. Big thoughts. And love. Yeah. I'm inclined to parlay it into somethin' more. So, go ahead there, beautiful, and take off your shirt. +Grant? Grant, I'm hungry. I'm so fuckin' hungry I think I'm gonna die. Brought you munchies. +Meat. Howdy, Mr. Grant. You goin' to the Deer Cheer this weekend? +Sure thing, killer. What can I do you for? +What can I do you for? Thinkin' 'bout getting me a couple of these big ol' rib eyes. +Thinkin' 'bout getting me a couple of these big ol' rib eyes. How many you need? +Hell, what am I holding back for? Why don't you just give me everything you got here? All the rib eyes? +All the rib eyes? Yep. And while you're at it, get me a few of them chicken wings... some pork loins... and, ooo, what's this here? Osso buco?... +He's teaching environmental science, Grant. Probably wants to borrow my lesson plans from last semester. Oh yeah, that's what he wants to borrow, this guy. +Oh yeah, that's what he wants to borrow, this guy. It's just a work thing. +It's just a work thing. Work thing hell, Starla. He just wants to get in your pussy. Him and most these other ones around here. That's where their minds is at, them sick fucks. +Grant, no -- I'm sorry, I'm just -- I'm not in the mood. Grant is on top of her, breathing a little too heavy. GRANT Come on, baby, it's -- I'm sorry. I don't just have some switch. +I'm sorry. I don't just have some switch. Sure you do. +Flip. That's disrespectful. +Where are you going? I'm just some big clown to you, ain't I? +I'm just some big clown to you, ain't I? That's not true -- Where are you--? +That's not true -- Where are you--? Out. +I never danced in a towel before. Wearing white, just like on our... wedding day. I remember it. +Welcome home. Grant? Why are there -- did you put locks on the garage? +Yeahhhh. I'm sorry. I just got so excited about... your present. My present? +My present? You're my princess, aren't you? +You're my princess, aren't you? Okay. +Okay. I got a super--special birthday present for you this year. I couldn't risk you finding it, so I had to put them locks on the doors. +What are you doing? You're pretty. +Who's that? It's just one of my students, Grant. +Grant. Oh my God. What happened to your -- ? Heh. It ain't as bad as it looks, sugarplum. Dr. Carl was just here. I had a reaction to a bee sting. He gave me a prescription. Said I should be fine, in a couple days. +I'll get if for you. No! No. Heh. I'll be right back. +Why'd you betray me, sugarplum?! Grant, no! +Grant, no! I loved you. I loved -- +I loved you. I loved -- Grant, you're sick! +But not always. I was -- He was... other stuff too. What other stuff? +Now he's here. He went in Mr. Grant. Through a wound on his stomach? +He took him over. His body. His -- his brain, everything what he knew. He's only been dumb stuff before amoeba--things, and rhino--things. He liked being human. Didn't want to change. And you said the worms are part of him. They're all linked, like one creature? +And you said the worms are part of him. They're all linked, like one creature? When one sees you they all see you. +When one sees you they all see you. An animal that doesn't procreate. It spreads, grows. A living disease. +Ain't no mystery to it. She's raised in them shanties off St. Luc. Dirt--poor. Gold--digger, huh? +So he drags the cow backwards here. Only he prolly didn't know 'bout the Castavets had them dogs. Hey, look! +Where'd he go? We ain't never gonna find that girl now. +Praise Jesus. 'Praise Jesus?' That's fucking pushing it, Margaret. +Maybe you better sit back down. You don't look so good. Margaret. +Just the man who's gonna see you driven to your knees! Sheriff Buell Clayton from Texas. Not that I don't have any respect for the law, but what's your problem, man? +Not that I don't have any respect for the law, but what's your problem, man? You. +You. Yeah, well I kinda figured that. +Yeah, well I kinda figured that. You know, you may think you're gonna get away, but I promise you, everytime you turn around, I'll be there, breathing down your neck. +You know, you may think you're gonna get away, but I promise you, everytime you turn around, I'll be there, breathing down your neck. Well, if your breath is as sweet as your personality, I got a lot to look forward to. Adios. +Get your hands off my daughter! Your what? +Aw, ain't you glad to see me, Bandit? Yeah, it's the highlight of my day. +What's he get if he wins here? If...? +I can't believe there's two thousand people here to watch a bunch of guys back up their trucks. America's bored. Now, what do you want? +America's bored. Now, what do you want? You to forget this dumbass Roadeo and take on a real challenge. +You're crazy, man. Smart dresser, but crazy. What's the matter? Legend has it Bandit LaRue's king of the road. +What's the matter? Legend has it Bandit LaRue's king of the road. I can make it to Texarkana and back in twenty-eight hours... that's no sweat. +I hear a few weeks ago you smuggled sixteen Beaners up to West Virginia. You know how rumors start. +Look, you make this little run for me, I'll buy you a new rig. Last year, this was a new rig. +Last year, this was a new rig. But it wasn't a Kenworth. +I got a boy running in the Peach Tree Classic tomorrow and when he wins, I wanna celebrate in style. How much style? +How much style? Four hundred cases worth. Well? +Four hundred cases worth. Well? You paying for the gas? +You got my barley pop? What do you think? +Okay. I was in Texas dancing in an industrial show for Sunkist Oranges. They say I'm the new Anita Bryant. But I'm really a dancer from New York. A lot of credits. Moderate talent. Anyway, after opening night, I was walking back to the motor lodge and suddenly there he was. A tall Texan with a twenty-nine inch waist. Pure dynamite. All sound reasons for matrimony. +All sound reasons for matrimony. Look, I'm a twenty-eight year old hoofer who spends most of her time with fags. Besides, I'm impulsive. It runs in the family. We're all crazy. Mind if I smoke? Anyway, today was the 'bid day.' But as I was walking down the aisle, I realized this is total insanity. What am I going to do in Texas the rest of my life? I can't marry Jerry Jeff. I mean, we're eventually gonna have to talk. So, halfway down the aisle, I turned and split. You think I'm nuts, right? +Look, I'm a twenty-eight year old hoofer who spends most of her time with fags. Besides, I'm impulsive. It runs in the family. We're all crazy. Mind if I smoke? Anyway, today was the 'bid day.' But as I was walking down the aisle, I realized this is total insanity. What am I going to do in Texas the rest of my life? I can't marry Jerry Jeff. I mean, we're eventually gonna have to talk. So, halfway down the aisle, I turned and split. You think I'm nuts, right? Absolutely not. In fact, I picked up a bride yesterday; except she was a singer. +Kate McConnell. Kate McConnell. Sweet, shy... well- dressed. I'm giving her a lift to the next waterhole. +Why're you driving so fast? I gotta get back to Atlanta in thirteen hours. +I gotta get back to Atlanta in thirteen hours. Why? You have a bowling date? +Why? You have a bowling date? Cute. No, 'cause no one's ever made it from Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty-eight hours. +Cute. No, 'cause no one's ever made it from Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty-eight hours. Who'd want to? +Who'd want to? I never looked at it that way. You ask a lot of questions. +I never looked at it that way. You ask a lot of questions. Why are you doing this obviously macho feat? +Why are you doing this obviously macho feat? For a new Kenworth. That's a truck. +For a new Kenworth. That's a truck. A truck? You're doing this for a truck? That's insanity. +A truck? You're doing this for a truck? That's insanity. It's not a truck. It's the Rolls Royce of eighteen-wheelers. +It's not a truck. It's the Rolls Royce of eighteen-wheelers. But you could get killed, right? +But you could get killed, right? Hey, you could get killed crossing the street. +Hey, you could get killed crossing the street. An existentialist. +An existentialist. A what? +A what? Eyes on the road. +So tell me about yourself. Okay. +Well?... Whaddya want to know? My sign? +Whaddya want to know? My sign? No. I want to know what you think about besides ditching Smokey? +No. I want to know what you think about besides ditching Smokey? Having fun. +Having fun. Is this fun? +Is this fun? Driving? +Driving? Driving, talking to me... +Driving, talking to me... They're both a challenge. +They're both a challenge. You have a great profile. +You have a great profile. Yeah, I do. Especially from that angle. +Where you from? Mattoon, Illinois. But I moved down south to work in the Civil Rights movement. +Mattoon, Illinois. But I moved down south to work in the Civil Rights movement. Seriously?!? +Seriously?!? Would I lie to you? +Guess what? I give up. +I give up. You just passed your nemesis. +What the hell's going on? I forget to tell you. I'm running blocker for four hundred cases of illegal brew. +Anything? We're cool. The dumb schmuck took the wrong turn. +Can I ask you something? Shoot. +Shoot. What do you want to be when you grow up? +You know, you're not a bad driver. You know, you're not a bad passenger. +That's a Texas cop. What the hell's he doing in Arkansas? I don't know. Maybe Jerry Jeff sent the heat after us. +I don't know. Maybe Jerry Jeff sent the heat after us. A Texas Bear in Arkansas. Something's up and at this point in my life, I don't want to know what it is. +You know, my mother was a dancer, too. Her big shot was the touring company of 'Brigadoon.' She's been married three times. To a redneck, a poet and her tennis instructor. See, I motor-mouth when I get nervous. I was nervous when I first got into the car. Now I'm scared shitless. Believe me, there's nothing to be afraid of. +Well? We lost him. +Your honeymoon would've never been this exciting. I don't know. We were planning on seeing the Astrodome. +Christ, what channel are we on?... Eleven. +The bus'll pick you up over there. Uh... you got enough bread for a ticket? Enough to get to Jersey. I'll walk the rest of the way. I've been sitting a long time. Nice meeting you. It's been a trip. +Enough to get to Jersey. I'll walk the rest of the way. I've been sitting a long time. Nice meeting you. It's been a trip. Hey... +Hey... Enjoy your Kenworth. +Jesus!!! Trucker coffee. It's three times stronger. Good for a hundred miles. That, a coupla perks, and you can leap tall buildings in a single bound. +See ya, Kate. Ciao. +What the hell are you doing?!? He's after us again! +You know this guy, don't you? I've never seen him before in my life. I'm just trying to help you out. +I've never seen him before in my life. I'm just trying to help you out. By stealing my car? +By stealing my car? I would've come back for you. +I would've come back for you. Yeah. +Yeah. Yeah. +Look, the truth is, I didn't want to be dumped at the truck stop. I wanted to go on with you. I needed an excuse. You could've asked. +You could've asked. You might have said no. I have trouble handling rejection. +Where did you learn how to drive like this? Like what? +Mississippi's the other way! You want to lose this putz or not?!? +-- You know, I used to be a high fashion model. Tried it for six months and almost freaked. Makeup, silly clothes, a little man saying 'darling' every two seconds... Yeah, it's tough when your cheek- bones are your main asset. +Yeah, it's tough when your cheek- bones are your main asset. Uh-oh. +Let's hit it. Nice meeting you, Cledus. Keep on truckin'. +You plan on driving trucks all your life? No, actually I was thinking of becoming a brain surgeon. +-- Trucking ain't the easiest life in the world. I mean, you can't make it much past fifty and you sure as shit don't get a gold watch when you hang it all up. But I like keeping on the move. You know? Do I know? I'm an authority on it. +Do I know? I'm an authority on it. I guess if there's one lesson I've learned, it's that even misery has a tough time hitting a moving target. I forgot your question? +I guess if there's one lesson I've learned, it's that even misery has a tough time hitting a moving target. I forgot your question? You plan on driving trucks all your life? +You plan on driving trucks all your life? I... uh... I don't know. I guess don't like to think about it. +I... uh... I don't know. I guess don't like to think about it. Then let's change the subject. What do you think about forced school busing? +An unmarked police car. How do you know? +How do you know? I know. Bandit two, bring yourself on in. +I'm sure the Arkansas Bears put out an all-points. You take the front, I'll take the back. +I'm proud of you. Yeah? +Yeah? You only smoked three cigarettes through the entire state of Mississippi. +Kate... Ummm? +Ummm? I been thinking. Maybe I should drop you in Montgomery. I mean, the way things are going, it might get pretty hairy by the time we get to Atlanta. +I been thinking. Maybe I should drop you in Montgomery. I mean, the way things are going, it might get pretty hairy by the time we get to Atlanta. Forget it. This is one of the longest relationships I've ever had. I'm not blowing it now. +-- Actually, my heaviest relationship was with a rock singer named Ramblin' Bobby Holt. When I turned twenty- one, I went to Europe with visions of being free and independent. My luck, he was on the plane. I landed in Paris and fell in love before I could claim my baggage. We were together for almost a year. I thought he was it. And? +And? He wasn't. One day I came home and found him taking a shower -- with another girl. And her sister. +My very words. Well, that's what you get for falling in love with a guy who's first name is Ramblin'. +They should arrest people for obeying the speed limit. Bandit II? +-- It's hard to believe this schmuck Kyle would go to such lengths for Coors beer. It's not the beer. He just wants to see me fail. +It's not the beer. He just wants to see me fail. What kind of a guy is he? +What kind of a guy is he? The minute you see him, you'll know. +What are you gonna do when you get home? Sleep for a week. Wanna join me? +Why are you stopping? Weight Station. +One to five? Maybe six months with good behavior. One to five. +Well, at least it hasn't been boring. Well, thanks for the lift. +Well, thanks for the lift. Hey... +What can I say? Promise me you won't fall in love with an inmate. +He's just exhausted. That man is your father?!? +I should've told you, but you would've thrown me out, right? Absolutely. +Absolutely. Listen, he's nuts. I mean certifiable. But believe it or not, he once looked great in Levis. That's why my mother married him. But like all good things... I know what you're thinking. +What are you thinking? You gotta admire the man's determination. +See ya, Bandit. See ya, Kate. +Why should I? Because I need your help, sweet thing. And I need it bad. +I'm working, Bandit. Besides, what's the matter? Won't your new girl friend help you? Hot Pants, please. I'm gonna be flying by in about five minutes with Smokey on my tail. Can you lock it off behind me? +What do you want me to do, Hot Pants? Beg? Yes. +Yes. I'm begging. +I'm begging. I want you to know I'm doing this against my better instincts. +I want you to know I'm doing this against my better instincts. But you'll do it? +But you'll do it? I'll do it. +I'll do it. I owe you a big one, Hot Pants. +I owe you a big one, Hot Pants. You sure do. +What's your pleasure? Couple of cheeseburgers, no condiments... +Couple of cheeseburgers, no condiments... No what? +No what? Nothing on 'em and two cups of mud; one while I'm waiting. +Order up! That's me. +Sure I can't interest you in anything else? Another time. +Cledus. No. +No. Wake up, man; I just got us a hot run for big bucks. +Whadda we have to do -- kidnap the Pope? How'd you know? +Twenty-eight hours! You're outta your gord. Is that any way to talk to your ole partner? Look, it's only nine hundred miles each way. +Is that any way to talk to your ole partner? Look, it's only nine hundred miles each way. That means we gotta average ninety- four miles per. Forget it. +That means we gotta average ninety- four miles per. Forget it. No one's ever done it before. This'll put us on the map. +No one's ever done it before. This'll put us on the map. Or in the slammer. +Or in the slammer. Did I tell you they're gonna give us a brand new Kenworth? +Did I tell you they're gonna give us a brand new Kenworth? Waynette! +Believe me, man; Fred'll be no problem. Yeah, I can tell he's gonna be a major asset. +You know of course, we ain't ever gonna make it. Quit being so negative, guy; 'course we're gonna make it. We ain't never not made it, have we? +Quit being so negative, guy; 'course we're gonna make it. We ain't never not made it, have we? No. +No. See. +See. Our asses gonna be in a sling if we get caught. +Our asses gonna be in a sling if we get caught. And if we don't, they're gonna be riding high in a brand new Kenworth. +How long's this gonna take? I don't know, man. Ask him? +I don't know, man. Ask him? We gotta let the slack out, Cledus; this is costing us time. +We gotta let the slack out, Cledus; this is costing us time. If you ask me, I think we should make that run to Choo Choo Town and pick up that load of lumber. Nice. Easy. And within the law. +If you ask me, I think we should make that run to Choo Choo Town and pick up that load of lumber. Nice. Easy. And within the law. Also boring. +Also boring. But I still don't think... +What are you doin' now? Running blocker. +All right, here's our plan of communication, so as to avoid Smokey. Go. +Go. Now, if I say go to channel three, it really means go to six. +Now, if I say go to channel three, it really means go to six. Six. Got it. +Six. Got it. If I say go to twenty-one, go to nineteen. +If I say go to twenty-one, go to nineteen. Twenty-one is nineteen. +Twenty-one is nineteen. If I say go to two, it's really one. +If I say go to two, it's really one. Two is one. Listen, let's just stay on the odd channels and switch everytime. Start in the basement. Now, let's haul ass. +You're wall to wall and tree top tall. I'm gonna run a couple miles ahead of you. Keep both feet on the floor. We'll be moving ninety and over. +I'm gonna run a couple miles ahead of you. Keep both feet on the floor. We'll be moving ninety and over. Bandit? +Bandit? Yeah? +Yeah? Why are we doing this? +Why are we doing this? Because they said it couldn't be done. +Loud and clear. Pull your hammer back, Smokey's coming at you. +He's history. Okay, we got a straight shot to T Town, so let her roll. +Shit! No one's here. That's 'cause we're damn near an hour ahead of schedule. +That's 'cause we're damn near an hour ahead of schedule. Let's keep it that way. +Liquid gold. Redneck heaven. +You know how to drive one of these things? Can a pig whistle? +Hit the brakes! They're jammed! +Let's get the hell outta here. Shouldn't we pay 'em for the damages? +Shouldn't we pay 'em for the damages? Right. Give me your pen. We'll tell 'em to bill Kyle. +We still on schedule? Forty-two minutes ahead. +I hate to say I told you so. Save it. We got a long haul. +Save it. We got a long haul. Clear and rolling. +Bandit I, do you copy? This is Bandit I, come back. +You can't swear on these. What's going on, Bandit? Come on. +What's going on, Bandit? Come on. Tell him we'll be back on the highway in a second. +This is Bandit II. Now, where the hell are you? On two lane blacktop. Mile marker six-one. How we doin' on time? +On two lane blacktop. Mile marker six-one. How we doin' on time? Thirty-eight minutes ahead of schedule. +Thirty-eight minutes ahead of schedule. What's your twenty? +What's your twenty? I'm 'bout four miles ahead of you, turkey. +I'm 'bout four miles ahead of you, turkey. Not for long, you ain't. +What's a Texas Smokey doing in Arkansas, man? If I knew, Cledus; I'd be on College Bowl. +I hope that's you, buddy; 'cause I'd hate to start believing in ghosts. What does the old Timex say? +What does the old Timex say? She's losing minutes so you better start running interference or we're never gonna make it. Might I remind you this was your brainstorm. +She's losing minutes so you better start running interference or we're never gonna make it. Might I remind you this was your brainstorm. I'll drop off my fare, hit a quick choke-and-puke and be blocking for you pronto. +Bandit? Yeah, guy? +Yeah, guy? Pick up a burger for Fred. He's going crazy. +My vocal cords are fine, but Fred's ain't. He's been barking, eating the seats and driving me crackers. Hear that? Where's his chow? On its way. Give me a coupla minutes, okay? +On its way. Give me a coupla minutes, okay? Do I have a choice? +Do I have a choice? What's your twenty? +What's your twenty? 'Bout fourteen miles this side of Mississippi. +I'm still trying to ditch this Texas Smokey. I don't know what the sucker wants. What they all want -- to handcuff a hero. +What they all want -- to handcuff a hero. As far as John Law knows, I'm just a joy ridin' Georgia redneck. We keep 'em outta your backyard, we're cool. Now just give me five to ditch this idiot and I'll meet you in Ole Miss. +As far as John Law knows, I'm just a joy ridin' Georgia redneck. We keep 'em outta your backyard, we're cool. Now just give me five to ditch this idiot and I'll meet you in Ole Miss. If you don't, we can kiss that Kenworth good-bye. +-- Gimme a twenty, pardner. I'm at marker eight-five. +I'm at marker eight-five. Son-of-a-gun. Me too. +I thought you were dumping the chick at the truck stop. I ran into complications. +I ran into complications. I hate to say it... +I hate to say it... Then don't. +Then don't. -- But everytime we've ever messed up, it's because your rhyme's over- ruling your reason. I know you think you're God's gift to waitresses, but... +-- But everytime we've ever messed up, it's because your rhyme's over- ruling your reason. I know you think you're God's gift to waitresses, but... Just don't worry about it. How we doin' timewise? +Just don't worry about it. How we doin' timewise? Not good enough to be standing here shooting the bull. +Not good enough to be standing here shooting the bull. We're gone. +We're gone. Bandit? +Never mind. It's nothing. Anything else you don't want me to know? +Anything else you don't want me to know? Nope. Just keep those wheels churning. +Bandit two, I gotta make a quick pit stop. Now what? +Now what? We're outta motion lotion. +We're outta motion lotion. I'll keep streaking. Pick me up. +-- Looks like a clear shot to the 'Bama State Line. I'll believe it when I see it. +I'm all ears, good buddy. You're gonna hit some heavy precipitation in about six minutes. Better let your flaps down, these roads are killers when they're damp. +You're gonna hit some heavy precipitation in about six minutes. Better let your flaps down, these roads are killers when they're damp. It shouldn't last. Gives me time to take a go-go juice break. +It shouldn't last. Gives me time to take a go-go juice break. We'll be waiting. Over. +Ran into a little hassle at the eatum- up-stop. You okay? +You okay? Just fine. What's the weather like? +Just fine. What's the weather like? God's back on our side, so let's get smokin'. +God's back on our side, so let's get smokin'. Roger. Keep the shiny side up and the greasy side down. Right, Fred? +-- How we doing? It's gonna be close. Real close. +Talk to me. We're gonna have to do a little tightrope act. +We're gonna have to do a little tightrope act. Let's boogie. +I'm all ears. You're about to hit a convoy. Tighten up your rubber band. The oncoming's clear. +Bandit II? I'm here. +I'm here. You're coming up to the scale house. +You're coming up to the scale house. I'm cucumber cool. +Bandit I, let me offer my heartiest congratulations and a piece of advice. What's that, pardner? +What's that, pardner? Don't take that foot off the hammer, 'cause you got wall-to-wall Bears about to pour over you like maple syrup. +How's the clock, Bandit II. Ticking away, but it looks like a clear shot to Hot Town. Green lights and white lines all the way. +Are you loco, pardner!?! We've come this far. Yeah, but... +Yeah, but... When we agree to do a job, we do it. Right? +When we agree to do a job, we do it. Right? But they're waiting for me. They don't even know Cledus Snow exists. +But they're waiting for me. They don't even know Cledus Snow exists. Well, they're gonna. It's time this gearjammer rode to glory. Now, move aside; good buddy. I'm coming through. +Breaker. Breaker. Go breaker. +Go breaker. Bandit, I just thought I'd lay a Smokey report on you. +Bandit, I just thought I'd lay a Smokey report on you. Go head on, breaker. +Go head on, breaker. I would say your future's looking dim, boss. +I would say your future's looking dim, boss. What's your twenty and what's your handle? +What's your twenty and what's your handle? My handle's Smokey Bear and I got you by the tail. +My handle's Silver Tongued Devil and I'm here to tell you, your fellow CB'ers are mighty proud of y'all. Thanks much, Silver Tongued Devil. +Breaker. Breaker. Pick it up, Breaker. +Pick it up, Breaker. Thanks for the break. Bandit, this here's the Dixie Chicken. +Thanks for the break. Bandit, this here's the Dixie Chicken. What's up, Dixie Chicken? +Breaker, Breaker. This is Bandit I, coming up on a portable gas station. Do you copy? Bandit, this is Mister B, and I'm gearjamming this rolling refinery. You got another Smokey on the rubber? +Bandit, this is Mister B, and I'm gearjamming this rolling refinery. You got another Smokey on the rubber? What else? Can you give me cover, Mister B? +It ain't ever been done before, hot shit. See, running Coors Beer east of Texas is what bothers me. It makes me a bootlegger. +I think you're just yellow. Wonderful psychology. Why don't you say something about my mom? Excuse me. +Pop, a K-Whopper's worth seventy thou. Seventy-two five. Why do you want this barley pop so bad? +Seventy-two five. Why do you want this barley pop so bad? He's thirsty. +Have any trouble getting here? About one to five years worth. +Gimme three sloppy joes and a coupla cups of hot stuff. You pass that funky Cobra on the highway? +You pass that funky Cobra on the highway? Uh-uh. What Cobra? +Uh-uh. What Cobra? Some boy named Bandit's been givin' the Highway Patrol shit fits. +Some boy named Bandit's been givin' the Highway Patrol shit fits. Oh, yeah. Good for him. +Oh, yeah. Good for him. I don't know where he's goin' or what he's doin', but I sure hope to God he makes it. +Listen, pardner; this ain't no time to be getting laid. Believe me, that won't be a problem. +This is Bandit I. Over. Where the hell are you? +Where the hell are you? Smokey was on our tail. We had to take a detour to ditch the motherfu... +Shut up, Fred. Who's Fred? +Bandit II. We'll be back on the highway in a second. Over. I'll keep my eyeballs peeled. +Yeah, Bandit II, Que pasa? That's a Texas bubble gum machine on your back porch. +That's a Texas bubble gum machine on your back porch. What's he... +I'm Kate. You must be Cledus. Yes, ma'am. +Yes, ma'am. How's your twenty? +Bandit two, you read me? You're soundin' real bodacious. Back. +Is that Bandit in the lead? If that sumbitch was in the race, he'd be in the winner's circle by now. +If that sumbitch was in the race, he'd be in the winner's circle by now. I still think this whole idea is dumb, pop. +I still think this whole idea is dumb, pop. Then it must be a helluva idea. +Why don't we just rent a Lear jet and haul it back ourselves? Because I wanna see this hot shot Bandit do something that can't be done. Besides, there's nothing I like better than breaking legends. +But if it can't be done, how's he gonna do it? That's the point, Dickey. +That's the point, Dickey. Oh. +Oh. Now, you just find him, son. +Now, you just find him, son. Yes, sir. +Five thou. Chickenshit money. +That crazy sumbitch made it. Congratulations. You just became a legend maker. +-- Breaker, this is Banana Peel... -- Yeah, Breaker go head on. +-- Yeah, Breaker go head on. -- Thanks much. I'd like to get me a Smokey report? +-- Thanks much. I'd like to get me a Smokey report? -- Road looks clean as a hound's tooth. +-- Road looks clean as a hound's tooth. -- Okey, doke. Last one to the Roadeo is a homo. +-- Breaker, Breaker. This is Banana Peel. -- Yeah, Banana Peel, go head on. +-- Yeah, Banana Peel, go head on. -- Did ya hear they nailed the Bandit? +-- Did ya hear they nailed the Bandit? -- Yeah, I heard. But they won't hold him for long. Anyway, he sure gave them sumbitches a run for their money. +It's gotta be tough keeping an eye on everything. And everybody, all the time. Yeah, it's a chore. +So, Bill, if I understand this right, you currently have your penthouse floor under construction? That's correct. +That's correct. But with these down, doesn't that pose a major security concern if, as you say, you have to keep an eye on everything at all times? +But with these down, doesn't that pose a major security concern if, as you say, you have to keep an eye on everything at all times? Well, we were worried about dust and debris from the work being done ruining the cameras, so-- +Well, we were worried about dust and debris from the work being done ruining the cameras, so-- -- so you shut them off? +Yes, but no -- we have personnel stationed at both ends of that hall, twenty-four hours a day. What kind of personnel? +Right now? A six man security force, plus a member of our Butler staff. So seven men total. You have a butler working that floor? +Uh -- well, yes, uh just in terms of the men up there now, my team, he's serving lunch and dinner and just doing general upkeep so -- So there are no guests staying on that floor? +"C'mon Bill... you've got some Sultan up there, one of your whales, big- spender, likes a lot of space, you cook up this ""construction"" thing...?" No, no, no. We've been looking to renovate that area of our hotel for some time now. The security team is only present to preserve floor integrity, due to the roof access. +No, no, no. We've been looking to renovate that area of our hotel for some time now. The security team is only present to preserve floor integrity, due to the roof access. Is your security team armed? +Is your security team armed? Of course. Yes. +Of course. Yes. And who has access to that floor? +Anything on the Swede? Only the mention made in that phone call. There's no Swedish hitman of any renown, much less one with a million dollar day rate. +Only the mention made in that phone call. There's no Swedish hitman of any renown, much less one with a million dollar day rate. Maybe he's that good. Never been caught, no criminal record. +Maybe he's that good. Never been caught, no criminal record. Maybe. +I tell you, engineering this kind of play against Sparazza, going to the lengths these guys are going to... they're playing some long odds. And a very bad gamble. +And a very bad gamble. Well... This is as good a place for it as any I guess. +Spotter on the lake confirmed Israel. Penthouse level. There was apparently a fisticuffs with some prostitutes. He wasn't involved. He's also had his people phone a local madame for another group of girls. No rest for the wicked. Why were we never shown these files? We're sitting on Sparazza for what? Six months now and we're just seeing this? Did you know that he's has had thirty- six major medical procedures performed on him since 1953? Elective plastic surgery, every single one -- +Unreal, this guys jacket too. Wall- to-wall major felony offenses, murder, extortion, arson, grand larceny -- -- A paternity suit... I just feel like we're playing catch-up with all this and we shouldn't be. Welcome to the new Bureau. Nobody shares information anymore, it's become synonymous with job security. +Welcome to the new Bureau. Nobody shares information anymore, it's become synonymous with job security. Based on what we had, I thought Sparazza was a mid-level player at best and it turns out he's this mob relic, running the show out west. +But the Bureau knew Sparazza killed Heller. Why not go after him, guns blazing' for that one? Heller was buried in agency lore, anytime an operative failed or was perceived to have failed, Hoover blackballed their memory. Look at Ness. +Heller was buried in agency lore, anytime an operative failed or was perceived to have failed, Hoover blackballed their memory. Look at Ness. Yeah, but the Untouchables took down Capone. Heller got shot and killed. The bad guys beat him. Worse, Sparazza walked. +So he has no idea what's about to happen? No. And I want to be in that room a half second after Mecklen calls to say the deal's done. We've got a sheriff's task force on stand-by. +No. And I want to be in that room a half second after Mecklen calls to say the deal's done. We've got a sheriff's task force on stand-by. What about the hotel staff obstructing us. Israel's obviously paid off the management. +What about the hotel staff obstructing us. Israel's obviously paid off the management. "Tampering with a witness extraction of this magnitude makes everyone indictable at the federal level. Trust me, we won't any problems with the hotel staff. You show 'em your ID with the letters ""F.B.I."" in all caps and it's instant compliance. I've seen in happen a hundred times." +He's giving them up? All of 'em. His entire entourage. I think we should move. +All of 'em. His entire entourage. I think we should move. Did the Justice lawyers sign off? +Did the Justice lawyers sign off? That's happening in about ten minutes. Israel's at optimum risk of flight right now, so we can't wait. +What about the sheriff's task force? Have them mobilized. I'll phone security and have the elevators locked down and stairwells secured. We need to keep Israel sequestered in that penthouse. +Deputy, have you made any ID's? Get a coroner's estimate too. -- Miss, I've been transferred and I was disconnected. No one is answering and I need someone from security to pick up that line. It's urgent. +Maroon uniforms? Yeah. Have you been able to get through to the Nomad's security? +Yeah. Have you been able to get through to the Nomad's security? No. I'm going over there. You take the car from there, get out to the lake. +How bad? Mortal. +Mortal. No. +No. Yeah. +Yeah, ye-- I -- uh, there were, earlier, there was that guy Carrut-- -- Agent Carruthers. Do you know where is he now? +-- Agent Carruthers. Do you know where is he now? He uh -- he asked about -- I'm -- he wanted to know whic-- what floor security was on, then I saw him get on the elevator with the other agent. +He uh -- he asked about -- I'm -- he wanted to know whic-- what floor security was on, then I saw him get on the elevator with the other agent. Wait a minute, what other agent? What other agent? +Did he give you his name? Yeah, uh -- it was Spanish-somethin' Garcia, or Diego, uh -- +Yeah, uh -- it was Spanish-somethin' Garcia, or Diego, uh -- -- run both those names through the D.C. database. Call San Francisco, see if they've got anybody in the field doing collateral inquiries for -- +-- run both those names through the D.C. database. Call San Francisco, see if they've got anybody in the field doing collateral inquiries for -- -- he was wearing one of our jackets. +Who? The other agent. He said he was here to do an inspection and later, when he got on the elevator with the other guy, Carruthers, I saw him wearing one of our security jackets... +This man wearing the jacket identified himself as an Federal agent? Uh, yeah. +Uh, yeah. You're sure? +You're sure? "Yeah, he had the badge and everything. It said ""FBI"" on it." +"Yeah, he had the badge and everything. It said ""FBI"" on it." And when you saw him later, he was wearing one of your security jackets -- +And when you saw him later, he was wearing one of your security jackets -- Yeah. +Yeah. And that didn't seem odd to you? +You investigating those murders out at the lake? Ww... uh... +Ww... uh... Three men were ambushed and shot, two died and had their bodies tossed into the lake, the other has severe hypothermia, possible dementia and will probably be a multiple amputee by week's end... if he even lives that long. +Yeah, shit -- hell, you're right. I'm sorry. You shot me and murdered my friends. +You shot me and murdered my friends. I did. We -- yeah, I know. +I did. We -- yeah, I know. And threw us into the lake. +And threw us into the lake. Pretty much, yep. +And this is your car, isn't it? Mmm-hmm. +Mmm-hmm. But there were more of you? +But there were more of you? Yeah, m'brothers... They didn't make it. +Yeah, m'brothers... They didn't make it. Two of 'em? +Two of 'em? Thass' right. I got other brother's though, so it ain't so bad. +Thass' right. I got other brother's though, so it ain't so bad. You were here huntin' a man named Israel, weren't you? Your name is Tremor. +...I forgive you Darwin. Shoot, I appreciate that man. +Shoot, I appreciate that man. If I needed your I.D. and your car and me and my brothers were wanted by the law, I woulda killed you to get 'em too. +If I needed your I.D. and your car and me and my brothers were wanted by the law, I woulda killed you to get 'em too. You woulda? +You woulda? Oh hell yeah. We's just in the wrong place at the wrong time. So don't feel so bad dude. +Oh hell yeah. We's just in the wrong place at the wrong time. So don't feel so bad dude. Damn... alright then. +Damn... alright then. I don't mind now anyway. You know, up here in Heaven, it's beautiful. Way better than fuckin' Hawaii or any place like that. +Really? I'm glad I'm here. I love it. I'm gonna get laid by some fine ass angels and then go hang out with Jesus and them. +Man, that's great. I got it made in the shade Amigo. Hey, I'll see you up here some day, don't worry. +I got it made in the shade Amigo. Hey, I'll see you up here some day, don't worry. You think so? +Are you on a land line? Yeah, why. +I've got concerns. ...About what? +...About what? About cocaine... and the amount you're doing. +About cocaine... and the amount you're doing. I'm not doing cocaine. +I'm not doing cocaine. Buddy, I'm not an ethics professor, I'm a physician, be honest, or be dead within a day... s'your choice. +-- Forget about the tissue damage you're doing to the heart itself. Sustained cocaine abuse will segue you from a very painful ventricular fibrillation into full cardiac arrest. Buddy, nobody knows about your condition, or your drug use. Why you lied to me, knowing that I'd find out anyway, I'll never know, but it imperative now that I see you. That's not possible. I told you. +That's not possible. I told you. There are certain meds, certain intravenous measures that can counteract some of the damage you've done, but I'd have to administer them myself. +There are certain meds, certain intravenous measures that can counteract some of the damage you've done, but I'd have to administer them myself. Won't work, we're just gonna have to chance it man. I'm sorry. +Won't work, we're just gonna have to chance it man. I'm sorry. No. Sorry comes later, when you're in a partial coma with ambulatory paralysis. Sorry comes when we have to decide which of your limbs have to be amputated because severely constricted blood flow has brought about a gangrenous infection, sorry -- +No. Sorry comes later, when you're in a partial coma with ambulatory paralysis. Sorry comes when we have to decide which of your limbs have to be amputated because severely constricted blood flow has brought about a gangrenous infection, sorry -- -- Fine, fuck, I got it... Lake Tahoe, Nevada. I'll have Hugo book your flight, you can be here in a couple hours. He'll meet you at the airport. +I'm here, where's the car? I sent Hugo, he should be there! +What happened? The Teamsters had a reform measure going to ballot that didn't sit too well with the local syndicate. Night of the polling, big black-tie to-do downtown and the Tremor Brothers crash the party. Literally. +His law firm, same one that hired me. Israel walked out after he made bail and nobody's seen him since. Jack, if the rumors hold and Israel is really the great white whale of snitches, then the mob is looking to put all kinds of bullets into his ass and pour some serious psychotics into the mix to do just that. So what real incentive is there to track him on something as small-time as a skip trace, when it's putting you and yours in the path of severe pain and suffering and an almost certain prelude to doom. +So I guess you're not going. Shit, if you're on a crazy jag, why stop there, why not take Fort Knox with a fucking slingshot or go into Hell after Hitler... I like your chances a lot more. +I know his location, we've got the drop of a maybe half a day before that location gets grape-vined and the rest of the world gets hipped. That's already happened hoss. It's naive to think otherwise. +Yeah, we've been through that. Then quit acting like somebody shit in your cereal bowl. Reed just gave us fifty grand. +Then quit acting like somebody shit in your cereal bowl. Reed just gave us fifty grand. -- Jack, what am I doing? I'm standing here, aren't I? Shouldn't that be enough? That I made the trip? +-- Jack, what am I doing? I'm standing here, aren't I? Shouldn't that be enough? That I made the trip? Your attitude sucks. +Your attitude sucks. I been accused of worse. What do we got...? +Two security levels, the one we're going in under the guise of, hotel security, has restricted access. They're mostly there to monitor the lobby, handle disturbances on the different floors and toss out drunks. There's a thirty-five member employee rotation going from graveyard to day shift. If we split up, we can blend in and enter unnoticed. Once we're inside the hotel, we'll regroup. Then what -- +D'you talk to'm? I got his machine. +What'd you say? I said I got his machine. +I said I got his machine. No, what did you say on the machine? +No, what did you say on the machine? I left him a message. +I left him a message. I know you left him a message. What did you say! +Jesus Hugo! How is it that you can turn a simple conversation into a fucking hedge maze!? This is zero degree of difficulty man! Okay. +Okay. Then why are you still looking at me like I'm asking for the square root of something! What did you say!? +I said that we were returning his call and you were real concerned, because he sounded real concerned. Look at that, we didn't have to fill up the whole blackboard after all. Now, do you know anything about that? +About what? Look at the collar on that coat... +I dunno... Cinnamon roll? "Cinnamon roll? No, good guess though. No, Hugo that looks like jizz... And I'm no forensic expert mind you, but that looks like some fuckhead shot their load on a twelve-thousand dollar calf's skin jacket. The twist? It's My twelve thousand dollar, calf's skin jacket. So y'got semen, human ejaculate -- -- that's been allowed to soak in for what, six, seven hours now? Work it's way into the fabric-fuck'n fibers -- and while you may never see it in a Tide commercial, I think it still safely qualifies as a ""tough, deep down stain.""" +I could have it sent out... ...to what? Incinerate? 'Cuz I'm almost dead certain there's not a fucking laundry detergent or dry cleaning process known to man that can ever return that jacket to its former glory! Some shit, suffice it to say, just don't wash out. Now, the money question... To whom does that stain belong? +Do you want me to say I did it? I was kinda hoping, yeah. +I was kinda hoping, yeah. Do you want me to say I'm sorry? +Do you want me to say I'm sorry? Only if you really, truly mean it. +...I'm sorry... Are you a fucking colossal idiot? +Are you a fucking colossal idiot? I am. Yeah. +I am. Yeah. Without peer? +Without peer? I -- uh, yeah, I guess, yeah. +Answer your fucking pages! I've been calling for fifteen minutes, we need you up here to clean NOW! That's right! RIGHT NOW! +Fifty grand gouge. South shore hayseeds, this is why I never play Tahoe, or redneck Reno... "We're hot, and they're losing a whole floor's worth of business saying it's ""under construction.""" +"We're hot, and they're losing a whole floor's worth of business saying it's ""under construction.""" Alright, bag it, I'm not shelling out that kinda bread for this shithole, this is a junior suite in Vegas. Call Mecklen right now, he should have his cell on, I need an update. Get the Russian up here, have him clean this place, floor to ceiling and get us packed. ...And send out for some new skeeze, the sun's up, these ones are starting to stink... +That's probably him now... ...See, this is one'a them rare moments when y'ass get a chance to be completely honest... and if I'm asking you what you said to Mecklen, assume the shit is rhetorical... so assume I already know. +Y'ain't never had to wash another man's blood off, dig it out y'fingernails... Y'had us for that. Y'ain't ever made a real beef on y'own, shit as light in the ass as you are, I'll bet you ain't ever made anything more than a fuck'n fist your whole life. So if you think I'mma let your lil' punk-ass, with the dirt I've done for you, in the eleventh hour, sell me off like some fucking field nigger, hand me up to the Feds like y'last chip, then you done gone straight out-your-motherfucking MIND! That's Mecklen. The deal's closing. I can pick that phone up and I can work this out. You'll walk with me. +FUCK YOU! GET IN HERE GODDAMMIT! +They're gonna give on this in the next ten seconds or the deal's off! I dunno what to say to you sweetheart, it is what it is. +I dunno what to say to you sweetheart, it is what it is. "Bullshit it is. I said, about as loud as I could say it, ""no jail time for my guys.""" +Baby, I've been co-habitating with these people for the past thirty odd hours and in so doing, have stared into the face of hell. These are the premier prick cocksuckers of all time and I feel beaten by them, I feel bloodied -- -- and you're gonna feel altogether fucked, by me, if you don't handle this. I'm the one, does the face plant, this falls apart, not you. +And I vibe that kiddo, I do indeed, but it's one'a those fait accompli things, you have to -- I don't have to do shit! Which includes cooperating any further with these motherfuckers until I get what I want! Alright, fuck it, if we gotta hand 'em somebody from our end and they're being hard-ons about it -- make it Hugo, him I don't mind. He needs that regimented thing that prison provides -- +I don't have to do shit! Which includes cooperating any further with these motherfuckers until I get what I want! Alright, fuck it, if we gotta hand 'em somebody from our end and they're being hard-ons about it -- make it Hugo, him I don't mind. He needs that regimented thing that prison provides -- -- Buddy, it's bigger than that, they want 'em all, Ivy, Beanie -- +-- Buddy, it's bigger than that, they want 'em all, Ivy, Beanie -- -- this isn't a swap meet Morrey, they're getting Sparazza and the west coast syndicate, giftwrapped, now if that's not good enough -- +Buddy, they revoked the deal, they pulled it... They what? What? No. No. Why? +They what? What? No. No. Why? The Deputy Director, this prick Locke, he smashed the whole thing, we're done, they won't tell me why... +"Sparazza is rumored to have performed in excess of one-hundred and thirty contract murders, including one of the bureau's most celebrated agents. Freeman Heller. You heard of ""The Turnpike Murders"" that was Sparazza." I thought Heller was a double op? +So he's personally issued the contract on Israel? Sparazza was the one who introduced Israel to the life, gave him his first big break, brought him through the ranks. +A marked man gets wise and wants to come in. His testimony has the potential of blowing the lid off what's left of the La Cosa Nostra is this country. That alone warrants total immunity from prosecution and and a vanishing act with Witness Protection. +So the wiretaps we conducted on Serna and Padiche, the mention of Israel's heart? -- Your intel corroborates what we already know. Sparazza's health is in rapid decline and before his date with destiny, it seems he wants one last thing... The heart of his sworn enemy. A recently opened, cash rich escrow account has been traced back to Sparazza. This and the mention of this mysterious Swede makes the million dollar contract on Israel very real. +On an extradition flight back to El Salvador, he murdered a security detachment and vanished. You think it's possible he could be involved in the Israel hit? +You think it's possible he could be involved in the Israel hit? Possibly. Acosta is pure mercenary. And a million dollar hit fee will draw some huge flies. But forget about Sparazza's money for a moment and remember, there's no shortage of those who want Israel killed and no shortage of cash to do just that... +It's the last place they'd look. Israel's legal representation, the firm of Culpepper, Brody and Reed, which is currently the subject of a joint SEC and Treasury Department probe, were left holding the bag after he skipped bail. Over three- quarters of a million dollars on a bond that's set to expire in less than a day. Rupert Reed, one of the firm's partners, has learned of Israel's whereabouts and dispatched a local bondsman by the name of Jack Dupree to pick him up and return him to Las Vegas... that can't happen. We have a Gulf Stream standing by at Reagan International to transport you two to Lake Tahoe. It's very simple gentlemen. Valacchi, Fratiano, Gravano -- no former witness against the mob has been as crucial or has brought more to bear on the potential dissolution of The La Cosa Nostra, than Buddy Israel. +Here. Sit. Please. This is him? The hitman hired to kill Israel? He's a doctor? +This is him? The hitman hired to kill Israel? He's a doctor? Difficult to explain everything now... And much larger issues loom. I'm sorry about Carruthers... Damndest thing to have to die for. +What the hell -- What is this!? People died. Agent Carruthers is dead! We have to transport Mr. Israel to Las Vegas, time is of the essence. The gulfstream is standing by on the jetway at Tahoe International. I'm sorry, I'm restricted from disclosing anymore information. Return to Washington. You'll be debriefed in the coming days. +Where's Israel? What are you doing here? +What are you doing here? My debrief -- +My debrief -- -- will be handled back in -- +-- will be handled back in -- -- no, we need to handle it now. +I can't discuss -- -- You can and you will. +-- You can and you will. You're finished. +You're finished. And you just figured that out? The Swede isn't a hitman, is he? He's a surgeon. Sparazza didn't want Israel's heart for a trophy, he wanted it for a transplant... why? +...A paternity suit, filed 1967... -- Brought against Sparazza by Israel's mother Laverne who was nineteen at the time. They had a brief affair which Israel was the by- product of. +...Does he know? ...He does now... +Sparazza was in failing health and looking for a donor. The son who had betrayed and burned him so thoroughly seemed a obvious choice. So all of our intel was bogus to begin with. +So all of our intel was bogus to begin with. Yes. The actual contract went to Lazlo Soot, the man that plunged to his death from the Penthouse yesterday. He was to neutralize Israel's entourage and prep for the removal of his heart. Ingstrom was to handle the surgery itself on-site with the assistance of Dr. Gregory Gill, Israel's personal physician, who was also on the Sparazza payroll. +...When did you know all this? Information was arriving all day yesterday. When we finally figured out who Sparazza actually was, we -- +...Are you insane? "...Almost. What do you mean ""who Sparazza actually was...""" +You realize that Sparraza has had thirty-six major medical procedures performed on him since 1953? Elective plastic surgery, every single one -- It wasn't elective. It was undertaken to save his life. And it wasn't cosmetic, it was reconstructive... Look at the date of the first procedure. +It wasn't elective. It was undertaken to save his life. And it wasn't cosmetic, it was reconstructive... Look at the date of the first procedure. ...Yeah, fifty-three. +...Yeah, fifty-three. The same year that Sparazza murdered Agent Freeman Heller... +...holy shit... that's Heller... Isn't it? Primo Sparazza was Heller's alias. He went deep cover in 1940 and stayed under for over ten years, amassing materials against the mafia and other criminal syndicates. He may have ripped the organization wide open, pre-Appalachia, but his superiors were convinced that he had gone rogue, swapped allegiances...So they gave the order to terminate his cover. +The agents of that era are all dead and gone, history had defaulted to fable... until now. You can imagine the shock this sent through the corridors of power in D.C. Heller's op predates the second world war. That's over sixty years of intel. Do you know how valuable that could be? The man's a treasure trove. ...So you made another deal? +...So you made another deal? I wouldn't go that far. +I wouldn't go that far. But you did, and have... And now people are dead. Did Sparazza become more valuable than Israel... and did you make another deal? +You're trying to save Sparazza? No... We're trying to save Heller. +No... We're trying to save Heller. ...So you knew all this and yet y-- +...So you knew all this and yet y-- -- We needed cohesion to move forward. Not conjecture. +-- We needed cohesion to move forward. Not conjecture. ...while Carruthers and a dozen others lie dying, you debate semantics. The Bureau's betrayed us... The way they betrayed him... +...while Carruthers and a dozen others lie dying, you debate semantics. The Bureau's betrayed us... The way they betrayed him... I don't see it like that at all. +I'll overlook what you've done here today in light of what's taken place. You've been fully debriefed. Now I want you to return to D.C. immediately and make no further inquiry into this matter. I mean it. It's closed. No... It's not. What it lacks... is an end. +Buzzy... Buzz...? Yeah... Sid? +Yeah... Sid? You got clicks, anything? +You got clicks, anything? Nah, nuthin' on my end -- +Nah, nuthin' on my end -- -- Okay... hang on, I gotta move -- +Alright, now Buzzy -- this is, this is it, here, okay, so listen to me careful and wait till I'm finished 'cuz we got no room for slop. I'm here. +Okay, he's gonna clip Israel, I just gotta outta there -- -- he's doing it then, huh -- +-- he's doing it then, huh -- -- yeah, now lemme finish, I was eavesdroppin', so give me sec, lay this thing out, since the information might be a little loose -- +-- yeah, now lemme finish, I was eavesdroppin', so give me sec, lay this thing out, since the information might be a little loose -- -- okay, g'head -- +-- okay, g'head -- "So what I heard downstairs there is that they got a guy, some Swede, real badass, supposedly a ""specialist"" and they're bringing him over. Now he ain't coming cheap -- so, I'm thinkin' we jump, do this in the next day or so, get to Israel before the Swede can, we got chits, y'see? We're in a power position. Grab him, ransom him back, pick up that nut, we're that much closer to having our own thing." +No question, no, you're right. We gotta do what's good for us now. Fuckin' A, first survive, yes? +Fuckin' A, first survive, yes? Y'gotta, y'gotta. But d'ya think they'll kick ransom for that little prick, assuming we get to'm. +Y'gotta, y'gotta. But d'ya think they'll kick ransom for that little prick, assuming we get to'm. Yeah, y'ain't heard the punchline, yet and before I get to it, one more thing I heard, little curious, should probably bring it up... Primo wants Israel's heart. The actual thing, the organ. +... Jesus... what for? -- who can say. He's off his onion, y'know, he's old school Sicilian, this is how they hate. +-- who can say. He's off his onion, y'know, he's old school Sicilian, this is how they hate. Wow. +Wow. Hey, we nab Israel, they pay t'get'm back, I'll cut the fuckin' thing out m'self, no extra charge. My thing is, we crew up, let's not fuck around, someone's cousin, some Zip off the boat from Naples, let's get pros, people who know how to behave. +Hey, we nab Israel, they pay t'get'm back, I'll cut the fuckin' thing out m'self, no extra charge. My thing is, we crew up, let's not fuck around, someone's cousin, some Zip off the boat from Naples, let's get pros, people who know how to behave. Yeah, there's a pair'a broads I'm thinking might be good for this. +Yeah, there's a pair'a broads I'm thinking might be good for this. Chances are, they're gonna get into some shit too, hafta put people down. +Chances are, they're gonna get into some shit too, hafta put people down. That's not a problem. Are we goin' outta pocket ourselves? +That's not a problem. Are we goin' outta pocket ourselves? Yeah, I can front this. +Yeah, I can front this. Well just so I got a quote in my head. What's the rate for the Swede? +Well just so I got a quote in my head. What's the rate for the Swede? That's the punchline, y'ready? +That's the punchline, y'ready? Shoot. +Shoot. A million flat. +A million flat. No shit. +No shit. None whatsoever. +Buzzy... Buzz...? Yeah... Sid? +Yeah... Sid? Right, you got clicks, anything? +Right, you got clicks, anything? Nah, nuthin' on my end -- +So how we lookin'? Good. This thing's on track, looks like it's gonna get done. +Good. This thing's on track, looks like it's gonna get done. Fuckin' thrilled t'hear it. So the scout, the sitdown, y'musta felt it from 'em then huh? +Fuckin' thrilled t'hear it. So the scout, the sitdown, y'musta felt it from 'em then huh? Cold blood Sid, dead eyes, y'know? +Lil' cagey, y'know, don't like t'share trade secrets, that type'a thing. Okay -- yeah, I can, I respect that. +Okay -- yeah, I can, I respect that. How are we on time...? +Well, I'm hearin' the Swede's been dispatched, he's flying so -- Well, uh -- damn, alright, so he's headed in, does that -- where does that leave us? +-- No, no, not when y'can see the shore. I hear ya. Okay, well, y'know, then we just gotta get Israel. +Okay, well, y'know, then we just gotta get Israel. I'm working on it. +I'm working on it. Bag this fucker Buzzy. +Bag this fucker Buzzy. It's gettin' done Sid. +Georgia on my mind wit'yo fine ass. You know you saved this black man. You know I did baby... And a deep, dark one at that. Now if you ain't a dog, which you don't look like -- +You know I did baby... And a deep, dark one at that. Now if you ain't a dog, which you don't look like -- -- never in a million girl -- +-- never in a million girl -- -- good, then all you got to be is grateful. +-- good, then all you got to be is grateful. No doubt. That's my moms there, taught me them skills. +No doubt. That's my moms there, taught me them skills. You love her? +You love her? My mamma? C'mon shorty, y'gotta ask? You hurtin' pretty bad? +My mamma? C'mon shorty, y'gotta ask? You hurtin' pretty bad? Got hit twice. +Got hit twice. It's going around ain't it? Mafuckas catching bullets like the common cold up in this bitch. I think I accidentally shot and killed my boy today. +It's going around ain't it? Mafuckas catching bullets like the common cold up in this bitch. I think I accidentally shot and killed my boy today. Well, if it's any comfort, I's goin' in to there to act a fool baby. Straight rockin' heat and slayin' niggas -- +Well, if it's any comfort, I's goin' in to there to act a fool baby. Straight rockin' heat and slayin' niggas -- For real? +For real? Mmm-hmm... and your boy very well mighta been one of 'em. +Mmm-hmm... and your boy very well mighta been one of 'em. True? +True? Like a mafucka. +Like a mafucka. That takes some of the sting out. +That takes some of the sting out. I probably woulda busted on you too... and what a shame that woulda been. +I probably woulda busted on you too... and what a shame that woulda been. I feel like I know you girl. I feel like I've known you forever. You gonna lemme see your scars? +I feel like I know you girl. I feel like I've known you forever. You gonna lemme see your scars? You do the right thing. Sit with me while I heal, let it develop slow. +You do the right thing. Sit with me while I heal, let it develop slow. What were you doin' here anyway? +What were you doin' here anyway? 'Spose to kill this fool named Buddy Israel. +We gotta lay something out, strategy- wise. Somethin' tight. Y'go in there ad-libbing, it's y'ass. What are we talkin' on the split... +Why? 'Cuz we don't need to draw any more shit down on our heads. We hit whoever's between us and Israel. I don't want to dead the whole floor and I don't want to be killing women no matter how they make a living. +'Cuz we don't need to draw any more shit down on our heads. We hit whoever's between us and Israel. I don't want to dead the whole floor and I don't want to be killing women no matter how they make a living. Wait, I'm getting some fucked up feedback off that earpiece -- +Nuthin', we cool. There was somethin' about a fed being in the building. A Fed? Like FBI? +A Fed? Like FBI? It's just a little casino inspection, don't trip, he's alone. Alright, let's set this spinnin'... +When them tricks hit the lobby, holla at me and I'm gonna meet them on the way up, blend in. Once I get inside, I'mma put m'Nina to Israel's head and back out hot. Anybody's fucks with that program, y'break 'em off. They get gully -- I'mma grip and rip girl. I got some handloads here ready to cut heads. +I'mma grip and rip girl. I got some handloads here ready to cut heads. Jus' remember, this is more rescuin' shit than rampagin' shit... What are you shootin'? +Jus' remember, this is more rescuin' shit than rampagin' shit... What are you shootin'? ...Girl, y'know I had to bring big mamma through. +You got the fifty up? Bitch y'tryin' t'take down a jumbo jet? Blown the moon out the sky? T'fuck you wanna get that grimy? The try t'wild out on my boo and it's on and crackin'! I'm layin' niggas out. +The try t'wild out on my boo and it's on and crackin'! I'm layin' niggas out. Damn, this kevlar ridin' up on me, I wish they made this more sheer. +...So you heard from Keith? He still fuckin' with that 'lil light-skinned girl? I ain't tryin' to break a sweat for that sorry ass nigga. +I ain't tryin' to break a sweat for that sorry ass nigga. He a dog babydoll. He a great dane. I tried to tell y'after ya'll first date. He hit that ass one time, his interest in a bitch start t'landslide. +He a dog babydoll. He a great dane. I tried to tell y'after ya'll first date. He hit that ass one time, his interest in a bitch start t'landslide. You know I burned all his shit. All that vinyl. Chalamar, Funkadelic, I burned his turntables too. They was like three-thousand brand new. +You know I burned all his shit. All that vinyl. Chalamar, Funkadelic, I burned his turntables too. They was like three-thousand brand new. Fuck that nigga. Let him go woof on some other scrub. We got one another, s'all the love we're ever goin' need. +Girl, lemme ask you somethin' and I want you t'tell me straight up, since I got my suspicions and y'know I ain't one t'talk circles... you gay? What!? +What!? Ain't nuthin' wrong wit' it. +Ain't nuthin' wrong wit' it. Damn! Why you trippin' like that? +Damn! Why you trippin' like that? -- I don't know, I feel like you always pushin' up on me, gettin' close and I love you baby, in every way you can love a bitch, 'cept that one. +-- I don't know, I feel like you always pushin' up on me, gettin' close and I love you baby, in every way you can love a bitch, 'cept that one. I ain't even goin' dignify that. You my road dog. We threw up sets. Plus you stank. +I ain't even goin' dignify that. You my road dog. We threw up sets. Plus you stank. Fuck you. +What'd you say? "Not you. Some assholes on the elevator... are these bitches on a permanent smoke break or what? Why the fuck they call'm ""working girls.""" +Are you anywhere near the penthouse? No, but that definitely sounds like shots and I don't where it's comin' from -- +No, but that definitely sounds like shots and I don't where it's comin' from -- -- It's your IFB, somebody else has got an earpiece, you're picking up their signal -- +-- It's your IFB, somebody else has got an earpiece, you're picking up their signal -- -- I thought we had secure frequency. Aww girl, tell me this mafucka ain't goin' off right now. +What's wrong? Security's locking down the elevators. +I'm not givin' it up jus' yet... C'mon, I say we bounce now, kick it for a lil' bit, play some craps. ...Maybe spend the night? +...Shhhhhhit... girl, there's these two dudes, just sittin' here in this elevator, all shot up... What? +What? They musta been beefin' big time with one another, cuz this shit, got way past words, whatever it was. +They musta been beefin' big time with one another, cuz this shit, got way past words, whatever it was. ...What are they doin' right now...? +Girl one of these fools has an FBI badge on him! Is this the one that was doing the inspection? Hold up, hold up, I'm getting shots over the scanners, tons of traffic -- jus' chill for a sec, lemme listen... +I DON'T KNOW! Jus' keep doin' y'damage girl, keep these mafuckas off my as-- +Bulllllshit... "Naw baby, they heard about that Triad hit, the work ya'll put in and they recognize the skills. And this ain't no tryout, tap-dance ""show us your shit"" thing neither -- if ya'll want this then I'mma go git it for 'ya." +And so I get this straight, we gotta go in, bust on this punk and remove the heart? Is that for real? No, no, no, y'gotta go in and get him, pull'm out of wherever he at, forget all that other shit, that's just f'flavor. I'm still getting lil' bits'a this-n-that from this cat Padiche, the man contacting me... Right now, what we got -- -- Is a number and a name... Buddy Israel. +No, no, no, y'gotta go in and get him, pull'm out of wherever he at, forget all that other shit, that's just f'flavor. I'm still getting lil' bits'a this-n-that from this cat Padiche, the man contacting me... Right now, what we got -- -- Is a number and a name... Buddy Israel. What else did Padiche say? +What else did Padiche say? He said that the shit could get hot, could get heavy... I said good. 'Cuz I got two of the hottest, heaviest bitches alive. +Forty-five apiece for you two, ten percent finders fee for me. What's the time frame? +What's the time frame? Right mafuck'n now girl. Fast as we can get you there. We wait any longer, someone goin' dead this fool. +Gibarian. Leave the light off. +You think you're dreaming me, like you dream her. Understand something: I am the real Gibarian. Just a new incarnation. What do you want? +What do you want? You're being tricked. Sartorius picked a fight with you to avoid telling you about his idea for getting rid of the visitors. He's figured out they're made of subatomic particles called neutrinos, and he's going to create a negative neutrino field. Twenty four hours a day, until they're back on Earth. +You're being tricked. Sartorius picked a fight with you to avoid telling you about his idea for getting rid of the visitors. He's figured out they're made of subatomic particles called neutrinos, and he's going to create a negative neutrino field. Twenty four hours a day, until they're back on Earth. Can it work? +Can it work? It can. Ordinary matter, like ours? Not affected. Everything else, disintegrates. +What I'm saying is: Don't trust anyone. Find yourself a weapon of some sort. I can trust Rheya. +I can trust Rheya. You'll end up like me. +You'll end up like me. You're not Gibarian... +You're not Gibarian... No? Who am I, then? +No? Who am I, then? A puppet. +A puppet. And you're not? Maybe you're my puppet. But like all puppets, you think you're actually human. It's The Puppet's Dream. Wondering if they're human! +You have to give me your word you won't come in. Then I'll come out. All right. +What happened to Gibarian? Didn't you talk to Snow? +Didn't you talk to Snow? I want to hear your version. +I want to hear your version. Who, here, could possibly care what you want? At best, you're Employee of the Month for the highest bidder in the Solaris auction. They have no idea what's going on up here. They've never even been in space. And I'm supposed to listen to you? +Who, here, could possibly care what you want? At best, you're Employee of the Month for the highest bidder in the Solaris auction. They have no idea what's going on up here. They've never even been in space. And I'm supposed to listen to you? I am here to recover this mission, report my findings, and make a recommendation. Now: What happened to him? +I am here to recover this mission, report my findings, and make a recommendation. Now: What happened to him? The same thing that could happen to any of us. +The same thing that could happen to any of us. Where's his body? +Where's his body? In the lab. With her, probably. +In the lab. With her, probably. Her? Who are you talking about? +They shouldn't let people like you into space. Just so you know: I'm not going back until I understand what it is. I am going to figure out what it is, make it stop, and then I will go home. +Just so you know: I'm not going back until I understand what it is. I am going to figure out what it is, make it stop, and then I will go home. Listen -- +Listen -- We're done. Oh, I should tell you, I don't trust Snow. There's something wrong with him. +No. There's no behavior modification. She reappeared exactly as she had before? +Meaning Man can do whatever the fuck it wants? Yes. +Yes. That's fantastic. +That's fantastic. Why did you agree to come here? +You killed her! Not her. It. +You murdered her! Kelvin, she begged me. I had a short- range version of the destabilizer prototype, a miniature with a range of a few meters. She walked into it and disappeared. She was gone. +She'll come back. No, she won't. +No, she won't. Why would you let her to do that? +Why would you let her to do that? It's not human, Kelvin. Whatever it is, it's not human, and I am threatened by that. Evolution-of- the-species-at-stake threatened. And I want to win. I want humans to win. So I am killing it before it kills me. +It's not human, Kelvin. Whatever it is, it's not human, and I am threatened by that. Evolution-of- the-species-at-stake threatened. And I want to win. I want humans to win. So I am killing it before it kills me. You fucking bastard... +You fucking bastard... Whose side are you on? +It's changing characteristics. It's solidifying taking on weight. How quickly? +How quickly? If it continues, it will implode from its own weight and turn into a black hole in about four hours and pulls us in with it. +Where's Snow? Did you call him? Yes. +What's wrong? What happened to Gibarian? He's dead. +He's dead. How? +You didn't bring any chocolate, did you? What? +What? I love chocolate. I realized just yesterday how much I love it. I thought maybe, if they let you bring personal effects, you might have snuck some through, because... well, I've been thinking about it. +I can't talk just now. I'm too tired. Where's Sartorius? +Where's Sartorius? In his lab. He won't let you in. +In his lab. He won't let you in. He'll let me in. +He'll let me in. Kelvin, if you see anything unusual... +Is there anybody else here? Why, who did you see? +Why, who did you see? Gibarian warned me. He left me a message. +Gibarian warned me. He left me a message. Who was it? +Who was it? She was real. Where did she come from? +Tell me. I won't think you're insane. Oh, that's a relief. +How much sleep do you need? How much sleep? +How much sleep? How long can you go without sleep? +How long can you go without sleep? That depends. +That depends. Well, when you do go to sleep: barricade your door. +Was her breakfast conversation that bad? Shut up. +Shut up. I told you, try to stay calm. You're supposed to be the psychologist of the bunch. +I told you, try to stay calm. You're supposed to be the psychologist of the bunch. What was it? +Personally, I think it's God. At least, it fits my definition. And professionally? +And professionally? I'm not sure. It started with Gibarian. He locked himself in his room and refused to talk except through a crack in the door. He covered the video lens. Obviously we thought he was having a nervous breakdown. I don't know why he didn't tell us he had somebody in there. By this time, we were getting visitors, too. He was desperately trying to figure it out. Day and night. Who was she? +I'm not sure. It started with Gibarian. He locked himself in his room and refused to talk except through a crack in the door. He covered the video lens. Obviously we thought he was having a nervous breakdown. I don't know why he didn't tell us he had somebody in there. By this time, we were getting visitors, too. He was desperately trying to figure it out. Day and night. Who was she? My wife. +My wife. Dead? +She has materialized from your memory of her. What was her name? Rheya. +Rheya. It started about three months ago. Right after the government sold the expedition. We were ready to go home. +It started about three months ago. Right after the government sold the expedition. We were ready to go home. Will she come back? +Will she come back? Probably. +Probably. I wish you'd told me. +I wish you'd told me. Told you what? +What will you say? To who? +To who? What are you going to report back to Earth? +What are you going to report back to Earth? I don't know. +I don't know. An enormous amount of money changed hands to get control of this project. We are in little danger of being left alone for long. You'll need to do something. Otherwise they'll be sending someone out to recover you. +An enormous amount of money changed hands to get control of this project. We are in little danger of being left alone for long. You'll need to do something. Otherwise they'll be sending someone out to recover you. Gibarian said he thinks Solaris should be destroyed. +Gibarian said he thinks Solaris should be destroyed. That's ludicrous. This is contact. We have found God. The only issue is figuring out how to prove this in a way that will make sense back on Earth. So how will we describe it, if we choose to describe it at all? +Kelvin, you awake? What is it? +What is it? Can you meet me and Sartorius on B deck in an hour? +Can you meet me and Sartorius on B deck in an hour? Why? +Why? Just a little strategy session. But in person this time. +Is it being deliberately cruel, you mean? I don't think so. I'm just trying to find an explanation for the continual reappearances. +I'm just trying to find an explanation for the continual reappearances. When you cut yourself pounding the door, did it hurt? +You're unnerved because you've spent your whole life thinking nobody is looking over you, and suddenly your subconscious is an open book. We are, for the first time, experiencing changes in natural reality by a force not our own. That proves that -- -- we are not sure of that. We are not sure we aren't all hallucinating. +-- we are not sure of that. We are not sure we aren't all hallucinating. If God is beyond our comprehension, and she -- -- is here for reasons that can't be understood, isn't God here? +If God is beyond our comprehension, and she -- -- is here for reasons that can't be understood, isn't God here? Not necessarily. +Not necessarily. Stop equivocating! Unbelievable, how you equivocate! You, the atheist, you're more dogmatic than any holy person I've ever seen! This is happening, Kelvin. Wake up. +Stop equivocating! Unbelievable, how you equivocate! You, the atheist, you're more dogmatic than any holy person I've ever seen! This is happening, Kelvin. Wake up. Consciousness is enough, that's all I've saying. Consciousness should be enough for anybody. +Consciousness is enough, that's all I've saying. Consciousness should be enough for anybody. Who are you trying to convince? +We can liquidate the station. Take the Athena back. No. +No. Of course, when we return, we'll be regarded as lunatics if we tell the truth. We'll chalk it up to isolation, collective derangement. +Of course, when we return, we'll be regarded as lunatics if we tell the truth. We'll chalk it up to isolation, collective derangement. I've never heard you express any desire to leave before now. Why now? +I've never heard you express any desire to leave before now. Why now? Well, I think we're reaching the point of diminishing returns here, right? Certainly it's learning more about us than we'll ever learn about it. +Well, I think we're reaching the point of diminishing returns here, right? Certainly it's learning more about us than we'll ever learn about it. But why is it doing what it's doing? Given it's resources, it could have done anything. Presented me with your double, and you with mine. +But why is it doing what it's doing? Given it's resources, it could have done anything. Presented me with your double, and you with mine. Perhaps it did. +Perhaps it did. Human beings can die. +Human beings can die. But they are human. They certainly become human with incredible speed. First they're like they were in our memory, but then they fill in on their own. DNA doesn't determine the hundreds of trillions of connections that occur in the brain, it's not dense enough. They build up with experience. +They come when you sleep. That's right. And we all have to sleep, eventually. +What happened? She drank liquid oxygen. +Why do you think she hasn't suggested that? It's the most obvious solution: Escape. She knows she can't leave here -- Get out -- +Get out -- Oh, this one you love? What about the first one, the one you fucked and then put into a rocket and blasted into space? You didn't love her? +She knows everything. She knows who she is. She knows everything? Does she know she came once before and you put her in -- +She knows everything? Does she know she came once before and you put her in -- No. +What do you want? I want you to get Sartorius to abandon his plan. +I want you to get Sartorius to abandon his plan. What plan? +What plan? Just get him to stop. +Just get him to stop. What do you want to do, leave the station with her? +What do you want to do, leave the station with her? Yes. +Yes. Kelvin, she'll disintegrate. You don't believe me? Let's radio that shuttle pod you launched -- better yet, let's go get it. I've charted it's trajectory, only take a few hours... +Kelvin, she'll disintegrate. You don't believe me? Let's radio that shuttle pod you launched -- better yet, let's go get it. I've charted it's trajectory, only take a few hours... Her oxygen would have run out. +Her oxygen would have run out. Maybe she doesn't need any. Should we check? +Who are you trying to please? Yourself? Her? Which her, this one or that one. Can you face both? We are in a situation that is beyond morality. So: Leave with her. You'll see the transformation. Into what? +Into what? You'll see her die, that's all. They're mortal, despite what she told you. She will die. Then what will you do? +You'll see her die, that's all. They're mortal, despite what she told you. She will die. Then what will you do? I love her. +I love her. You do, you don't. She's willing to give her life, you're willing to give yours, it's touching and magnificent, anything you want but -- this isn't the place for it. Don't you see? No, you don't. +What's wrong with you? We need your help. I won't be making the trip. +When did this happen? Oh, right away. That's why you never saw me with anyone. You should've noticed that. I miss him, though. I think I made a mistake. +Oh, right away. That's why you never saw me with anyone. You should've noticed that. I miss him, though. I think I made a mistake. Jesus... +Jesus... But I can't leave with you. I won't make it. +But I can't leave with you. I won't make it. Maybe you can. +Oh, God. I'm awake. Yes. +I need to see Snow. I'll go with you. +I'll go with you. I'll just be a minute. +Don't. Why? +Why? I don't know. I can't be alone. +I don't know. I can't be alone. I'll be right back. +What are they? To calm your anxiety. +To calm your anxiety. To calm my anxiety. +We're taking a flight? Yes. +Rheya... I want you inside me right now. +"""And Death Shall Have No Dominion""." Book? +Book? Poem. Dylan Thomas. I thought of it when I saw you on the train. +Poem. Dylan Thomas. I thought of it when I saw you on the train. My Thomas is a little rusty. +Not a very happy poem. You didn't look very happy. +You didn't look very happy. I wasn't. +I wasn't. And tonight? +And tonight? Better. +You want to fuck her? Stop it. +Stop it. You behave as though you want to fuck her. +You behave as though you want to fuck her. Rheya. Not here. +Rheya. Not here. And I just want to know if I'm crazy or not -- if what I think is happening is actually happening. Or am I one of those people, those women, who are blind to what's going on? Who pretend not to see their husband's attention toward another woman? +And I just want to know if I'm crazy or not -- if what I think is happening is actually happening. Or am I one of those people, those women, who are blind to what's going on? Who pretend not to see their husband's attention toward another woman? Let's go home. +Let's go home. You go home. +You go home. I am. Please come with me. I don't want to do this here. +I am. Please come with me. I don't want to do this here. You talk like an actor. +You're better when you take them. I know, I know. But still, somehow I don't feel better. +I know, I know. But still, somehow I don't feel better. All right. How about I feel better when you take them? +What do you remember? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Do you remember Beethoven? The Beatles? Movies, books, restaurants, friends? +Do you remember Beethoven? The Beatles? Movies, books, restaurants, friends? Yes. But not until you mentioned them. As soon as you said those things, I remembered them. And they have associations that make me think of other things I remember. It's like filling up. +Is it a planet? Not exactly. It exists in a continuum that wasn't proven until ten years ago, a higher mathematical dimension superimposed on top of the Universe. An infinite number of them, in fact. It was a violation of all of our various laws regarding the Universe, Space, or Space-Time. It was completely counter-intuitive. We had to unlearn everything. +Not exactly. It exists in a continuum that wasn't proven until ten years ago, a higher mathematical dimension superimposed on top of the Universe. An infinite number of them, in fact. It was a violation of all of our various laws regarding the Universe, Space, or Space-Time. It was completely counter-intuitive. We had to unlearn everything. Is it intelligent? +Is it intelligent? Intelligent beyond our comprehension. +Intelligent beyond our comprehension. Then it's God, right? +Then it's God, right? It's something. +It's something. You still don't believe in God? +You still don't believe in God? The whole idea of God was dreamed up by a silly animal with a small brain called Man. Even the limits we put on it are human limits. It can do this, it can do that! It designs, it creates! +The whole idea of God was dreamed up by a silly animal with a small brain called Man. Even the limits we put on it are human limits. It can do this, it can do that! It designs, it creates! Even a God that wasn't active, that just created something and stood back and watched? +Even a God that wasn't active, that just created something and stood back and watched? You're talking about a man in a white beard again. You're ascribing human characteristics to something that isn't human. Human beings look for causes and patterns. How could we know what Solaris is up to, if anything? +But what if Solaris is what there was before The Big Bang? As I said, it is beyond our comprehension. +As I said, it is beyond our comprehension. As I said, then it's God, right? +What happened? You were trying to break down the door. Do you know why? +You were trying to break down the door. Do you know why? When I saw you were gone I got scared. +Where've you been? I been thinking about how much I hate you. +I would have these -- I don't know how to describe them -- visions, when I was younger. Maybe not visions, but like these waking dream states. Time would just collapse, I would be inside time. I would stare at a second hand on a clock until it stopped. Freaky stuff. How old were you? +How old were you? Seven, eight. So one day my mother catches me sort of staring off into space, and she asks me what I'm doing, and I start trying to explain to her, about this state that I can put myself in, and this look comes over her face. +Seven, eight. So one day my mother catches me sort of staring off into space, and she asks me what I'm doing, and I start trying to explain to her, about this state that I can put myself in, and this look comes over her face. What kind of look? +Scared. No, not scared. Wary. Like I was something to be... her guard went up. I was a threat. Now I know why. She was afraid she'd be seen. That I would see her for the self-obsessed neurotic that she was. I think she thought she had a few more years of being on a pedestal. But that's the cycle, right? I knew a little more than she did, she knew a little more than her mother, and on and on. I guess that's part of the reason why -- I know. I know. We don't have to talk about that. +Thinking what you were doing and saying, just being consumed by thinking of you. I loved it so much, that feeling. I did too. +What happened to us, exactly? You don't know? +Why did you say those things? I don't know. I couldn't understand why you didn't tell me. +I can't help feeling that I'm cheating when I take them. It's genetics. You know this. You know where it comes from. There is nothing wrong with uncrossing a few crossed wires. +Do you have any idea how much I like fucking you? I think so. +I think so. Good. Because I want you to know. I really like fucking you. +I like that too. How could she not be real? I can smell her, taste her. She does exactly what she did... it's not possible. +How could she not be real? I can smell her, taste her. She does exactly what she did... it's not possible. You know, I've decided: I'm just gonna believe what you believe about this whole Solaris thing, it'll make life so much easier; the little wife agreeing with her big, strong husband. You must get such a headache thinking about those Great Big Problems all day. +"You sure say ""God"" a lot when we're doing it." I know. I'm putting that in my next report. +What does Snow think you should do? Snow thinks we shouldn't leave until we figure out a way to document it, to prove its existence to the planet Earth. This is hilarious: He thinks it's God, but he wants it to sit still for a photograph so he can show the folks back home. +Sartorius wants to destroy it. Well. He doesn't think it's God, but for different reasons than me. He's thinking: If I can figure out how to make it stop, than I am smarter than it is, and therefore it cannot be God. +Well. He doesn't think it's God, but for different reasons than me. He's thinking: If I can figure out how to make it stop, than I am smarter than it is, and therefore it cannot be God. He has a point. +He has a point. He does have a point. That's just not the way I'd like to see it proven. +He does have a point. That's just not the way I'd like to see it proven. You feel sorry for Solaris, or for me? +You feel sorry for Solaris, or for me? It's a violent response to something we haven't figured out. Don't let the cowardly demeanor fool you: He is ruthless. Unblinking in his prejudice. +It's a violent response to something we haven't figured out. Don't let the cowardly demeanor fool you: He is ruthless. Unblinking in his prejudice. It was obvious from the way he first looked at me. +Do I really feel like... I am...? Yes. Yes. +Yes. Yes. I'm glad. +What's wrong. You don't love me. +You don't love me. Stop. +What are you talking about? That I am not Rheya. That Rheya died. Killed herself. I'm different. +Who have you been talking to? Sartorius. +Sartorius. When? When I'm asleep? +I'm sure there are worse people to talk to, but I don't know who they are. I'm just trying to understand what's going on. +But we fought. Yes. Especially toward the end. +Yes. Especially toward the end. Why did she do it? +Why did she do it? You... she said I didn't love her. +You... she said I didn't love her. Was she right? +Was she right? No. I love you. +No. I love you. I love you, too. +Can you sleep? I don't think do. It's not sleep; it's something else. It's all around me. +I don't think do. It's not sleep; it's something else. It's all around me. Those are dreams. +You're the coward. Don't debate him; he'll say anything. +Don't debate him; he'll say anything. I'm just as human as you. I see, I hear, I touch, and I feel just like you do. +You don't want me. Rheya. +Rheya. That's what you were saying. I heard what you were saying. +That's what you were saying. I heard what you were saying. For a reason that neither of us understand, you are forced to stay near me. That's all I know right now. +I have these strange thoughts, I don't know where they come from. I can't explain it. Neither can I. Not any of it. There's no reference point for what's going on; it's never happened before. It's a clean break in the fabric of the Universe; a gap. There is nothing to do but experience it, moment-to- moment, and not let it destroy us. +Neither can I. Not any of it. There's no reference point for what's going on; it's never happened before. It's a clean break in the fabric of the Universe; a gap. There is nothing to do but experience it, moment-to- moment, and not let it destroy us. But that's what happened before. +But that's what happened before. Not this time. +Do you want to stay here? Do you? +Do you? If you're here. +What's wrong? Gibarian. He was here. +Gibarian. He was here. You said he was dead. +You said he was dead. He is. But he was here... +What's happening to us? It's all right. +It's all right. Please don't lie. I told you before, I don't know how I came to be here. Whatever you think you can't say to me, I need to hear you say it. +Please don't lie. I told you before, I don't know how I came to be here. Whatever you think you can't say to me, I need to hear you say it. I love you. +I love you. Don't. I'm the one at risk here. If we're playing out what happened before, I won't survive. +That won't happen again. We're different. "How can I tell? You've seen both of me. I only know what you're like here. You're all I know. There is no ""You"" from before." +How could it be so cruel? How could it torture us like this? I don't think it knows it's torturing us. It's just watching. +I'm not Rheya. You've always known that. Rheya -- +Rheya -- Don't call me that. +Listen: I don't care about anything but the fact that you are here. You are her, you are Rheya. I'm disgusting. +I'm disgusting. No. +No. You're lying. I'm not human. +You're lying. I'm not human. Rheya, I am not going back. I'm staying here with you. +Rheya, I am not going back. I'm staying here with you. Then you'll die. +Then you'll die. I want every second I can get with you. +Don't do this. I am literally begging you not to do this. Chris. You should have told me. +You should have told me. It wouldn't have made any difference. +It wouldn't have made any difference. Thank you. +Thank you. Chris, I had to. I had to. I didn't think you'd react like this. +Chris, I had to. I had to. I didn't think you'd react like this. Neither did I. +Neither did I. You never said you wanted one. +You never said you wanted one. I never said I didn't. +I never said I didn't. Chris -- +Chris -- I can't stay here. +I can't stay here. Chris, please. Chris, I'm serious. I won't make it. +Chris, please. Chris, I'm serious. I won't make it. Then you won't make it. +What do I have to do to stop it? I want you here. +I want you here. You're lying. +You're lying. You exist here. I keep telling you. +You exist here. I keep telling you. That's impossible. I'm not Rheya. +That's impossible. I'm not Rheya. Who are you, then? +Who are you, then? I... I am Rheya. But I am not the woman you loved ten years ago. +I... I am Rheya. But I am not the woman you loved ten years ago. Yes, you are -- +Yes, you are -- Did you hear what Gibarian said? I'm not a human being. I'm an instrument. I came from your memory and your imagination and I will torture you no matter what. Even if I remain passive. That's when I drank the... I was going mad. It felt like there was no body underneath my skin. There was something else. An illusion. But I could feel my heart beating, and I remembered you tested my blood. Is it like yours? +Did you hear what Gibarian said? I'm not a human being. I'm an instrument. I came from your memory and your imagination and I will torture you no matter what. Even if I remain passive. That's when I drank the... I was going mad. It felt like there was no body underneath my skin. There was something else. An illusion. But I could feel my heart beating, and I remembered you tested my blood. Is it like yours? Yes. I told you. It was exactly like mine. +Yes. I told you. It was exactly like mine. But then I would be dead now. +Is that really what you want? I want to stop taking those pills. +I want to stop taking those pills. I wish you wouldn't. +I wish you wouldn't. They do something to me. It's hard to think straight. +They do something to me. It's hard to think straight. I think they help. +I think they help. I have consciousness, but I am not mortal. Don't you see why I'm going crazy? +I have consciousness, but I am not mortal. Don't you see why I'm going crazy? You have to remember that I love you, that's all that matters -- +You have to remember that I love you, that's all that matters -- I can't -- +I can't -- It put you here. I'll admit it, it acted like a God and put you here, put you into my consciousness. I was asleep, and it put you into my dream. I saw your mouth. And there you were. Whether you've been sent here to make me happy or punish me, it doesn't matter. The decision we make now is all that matters. Stay with me. +It put you here. I'll admit it, it acted like a God and put you here, put you into my consciousness. I was asleep, and it put you into my dream. I saw your mouth. And there you were. Whether you've been sent here to make me happy or punish me, it doesn't matter. The decision we make now is all that matters. Stay with me. Am I really her? +Am I really her? I don't know anymore. All I see is you. +What are you taking? A sleeping pill. Do you want yours? +What does it want? I don't know. Something. Anything. +"I've decided that if it is God, it's a sick God. Its ambitions exceed its powers, but it doesn't realize it. It's created a situation without a goal, and I hate that. A God whose passion is not a redemption, who saves nothing, fulfills no purpose. And us? We would have to have ""an arrangement"". An unspoken understanding that I am not human. How can I not hate something that does that?" Please. Don't. +Where did you go before? When? +When? Last night. You were talking to someone in the corridor. +Last night. You were talking to someone in the corridor. You must have been dreaming. +How can you be here... Shhhh. Just stay with me. Stay with me. Everything is forgiven. Everything. +He won't do it. Why do you say that? +Why do you say that? He won't. +We thought you'd be alone. We want to talk about... We want to talk freely. +They are not autonomous individuals and they're not actual persons. They are projections materializing from our minds, based on a given individual. It's an experiment. +A recoil, with no compensating mechanism. And when a given situation no longer corresponds to the normal faculties of the... original, the visitor suffers some sort of disconnected consciousness. +And when a given situation no longer corresponds to the normal faculties of the... original, the visitor suffers some sort of disconnected consciousness. Followed by non-human manifestations. +Followed by non-human manifestations. Are the actions of Solaris premeditated? +Gibarian was under enormous -- Gibarian was helpless. It's very simple: Man created the science that resulted in the discovery of Solaris, and the ship that brought us here. +Snow, get up here, now. I'm not Snow. +I got rid of him. I wanted to see if... I wanted to be the only one. I wanted to be Snow. Fuck me. I knew it. +You want it coming back with us? You go ahead. Of what I remember about Earth... it's all one thing now. Everything's a blur. I like distinctions. +Claire! Hello, Win. +Skiddy and Kit? I haven't seen them since that shitty pasta dinner on the cape. They've got two monsters now. Both boys. +They've got two monsters now. Both boys. And so what's with Steinhart? Is it serious? +And so what's with Steinhart? Is it serious? You didn't like him? +You didn't like him? Looks a little constipated to me. +Looks a little constipated to me. "It's called ""solid""... Nice to find someone you can count on, Win." +It's terrific Win. You still writing the occasional magazine article? +You still writing the occasional magazine article? Occasionally. +Occasionally. Then c'mon. Follow me. The art's in the basement, you're going to get a privileged peek. +I've never seen anyone killed before. It's okay... I've never been a detective before either... +Straight ahead. Hard to find doors in this place. +Hi. I'm sorry. I'm not sure how this works. I have to go out... is that all right? +I'm sorry. I'm not sure how this works. I have to go out... is that all right? Uh... +Uh... I have to pick something up before Bergdorf's closes, then stop at a reception just a few blocks away. +I have to pick something up before Bergdorf's closes, then stop at a reception just a few blocks away. I think, maybe, that isn't such a great idea... +I think, maybe, that isn't such a great idea... Lieutenant Garber said that in all likelihood there was no real danger, is that true? +Lieutenant Garber said that in all likelihood there was no real danger, is that true? Right. That's true. +Right. That's true. Can we go then? +Can we go then? I'm supposed to call in. +I'm supposed to call in. There's a phone in the car. +Do you have another tie? Something more conservative? Oh... Yes... I don't have it with me. It's at home. +What did he say? He thinks you're being a little careless. He made the point several times. +You live in Manhattan? Queens... You know Queens? +Queens... You know Queens? My father founded a music school there. The Milton Gregory School. +I'm supposed to speak at their tenth anniversary. Nice. Maybe you'll stop by... have an aperitif... +Are you nervous? No, Ma'am. +Would you pick one out, please? Beg pardon? +Beg pardon? Since you're going to be my escort, you'll need a new tie. +Put it on my account, please. I got money. +You can touch me, I won't bite. Not too sure about that. +People think I'm stepping out on Neil. We're causing quite a scandal. Hey! There are crazy people here. +Hey! There are crazy people here. Let's get a drink. +Let's get a drink. Ah... I shouldn't... on duty. +I'll have a spritzer, order something soft for yourself... I must go for a pee. I'll come with you. +I'll come with you. I think I can probably do that on my own. +Hi. Just checking to see if you're here. I came on at 8:00. +You all right? Yeah. +Yeah. I'm sorry about what happened. +I'm sorry about what happened. Listen, that was my fault. +Listen, that was my fault. "I shouldn't have listened to you, I should've followed you right into the ""can"" the way he did." +"I shouldn't have listened to you, I should've followed you right into the ""can"" the way he did." If I had known I was going to have company, he was right next to me. I think he heard me peeing! I hate that, I am glad he's in jail. +I guess I'm supposed to do it in the morning. Identify him. Sooner, the better. +Sooner, the better. He said he'd kill me. +He said he'd kill me. Big talk... Desperate guy. +Big talk... Desperate guy. Right. How could he do that if he's in jail and they've thrown away the key...? +Claire? Hmm... +Hmm... You wouldn't happen to know what language they speak in India, do you? +You wouldn't happen to know what language they speak in India, do you? Urdu and Hindi. +Urdu and Hindi. Yeah, what a woman. +Didn't do very well, did you? Nope... never finished one yet. I hate these things. +Nope... never finished one yet. I hate these things. You were reading my Renoir. +You were reading my Renoir. How did you know? +How did you know? You put it back in the wrong place... Do you like Renoir? +You put it back in the wrong place... Do you like Renoir? They're kind of fuzzy. +They're kind of fuzzy. You know why they're like that...? He was myopic... going blind. +You know why they're like that...? He was myopic... going blind. No kidding. +So, this could be your last night, huh? Could be, I guess. +Could be, I guess. Want to go out for a drink? I mean, we're both sitting here, and Joey Venza's in jail... +Want to go out for a drink? I mean, we're both sitting here, and Joey Venza's in jail... Yeah, I like that! Where you go, I follow. +You mean to tell me, a mugger would stay away from someone because they walked a certain way? Absolutely. Look at this. +That's the dumbest walk I ever saw! No, no seriously! There's a study done on this, you walk this way, the muggers are gonna single you out. +No, no seriously! There's a study done on this, you walk this way, the muggers are gonna single you out. And die laughing, because you're walking so stupid! +And die laughing, because you're walking so stupid! Hey. This is my business. Do I tell you your business. +Hey. This is my business. Do I tell you your business. Okay. Let's just see if a mugger gets me. +... It was like... the minute I saw her... I knew. She looked so damn adorable in a cop's uniform... puttin' on a big, tough act... "So it was ""love""." +"So it was ""love""." Yeah. It was. +Yeah. It was. "And ""is""...?" +Yeah. That's nice. And you live in Queens? With a child, and a dog...? +That's nice. And you live in Queens? With a child, and a dog...? No dog. +No dog. I saw you with a dog, in my mind. +I saw you with a dog, in my mind. No dog. +No dog. "But ""nice""." +"But ""nice""." Very nice. +What about Neil? You don't like him, do you? +You don't like him, do you? What's to like? +What's to like? Tell it like it is. +Tell it like it is. You asked. +You asked. He's very caring, in his way. You haven't seen him at his best. +He's very caring, in his way. You haven't seen him at his best. You could do better. +You could do better. I'll miss you, Mike... +"It was nice having you ""watch over me""..." Yeah. I liked being around you too... Claire. +Good night, Mike. Sleep good. +Claire? What do you want? +What do you want? Open the door, will you? +Open the door, will you? I can't open it. +I can't open it. It's just me. I want to talk to you. Let me in... +You put me life in danger. No, you'll be safe. We're gonna pick him up again... +No, you'll be safe. We're gonna pick him up again... And then what? I'll never be safe. I'll have to leave the country! You can't protect me, and you can't keep him in jail! And you knew that all the goddamn time! +You told me I'm safe? I'm going for a walk in the park. Claire, will you calm down? +Claire, will you calm down? I'm perfectly calm, I'm a normal human being. I'm going for a walk in the park. +I'm perfectly calm, I'm a normal human being. I'm going for a walk in the park. Claire...! +Stop, will you?! Let go! +Let go! Stop being nuts! +Stop being nuts! I trusted you! I thought you cared about me?! +I trusted you! I thought you cared about me?! I do care about you! +I do care about you! More bullshit! More bullshit! What kind of odds are they giving me? There must be some kind of office pool. One month? A couple of days? +Yeah. They called here after you left... +They called here after you left... She's okay. Everything's okay... +I don't know you... This is me, Mike. There's nothing else... +This is me, Mike. There's nothing else... You don't wash your clothes at the Boulevard Laundromat... you don't pick up your kids from some crummy public school... what is this? A fuckin' joke? +You don't wash your clothes at the Boulevard Laundromat... you don't pick up your kids from some crummy public school... what is this? A fuckin' joke? Okay, then let's make it easy. It was a mistake. Don't make me feel guilty now that it's over, let's forget about it. +You told her? Not exactly. +Not exactly. What do you want to do? +What do you want to do? I don't know. +You don't want to know. Oh, I do want to know. I tried to reach you at the precinct. +Oh, I do want to know. I tried to reach you at the precinct. I've moved into Scotty's... Good news about T.J., though. Looks like that tough son of a gun is gonna pull through. +I've moved into Scotty's... Good news about T.J., though. Looks like that tough son of a gun is gonna pull through. Oh God, that's great! +Oh God, that's great! Are you okay? +Are you okay? "Oh, I'm fine. They've replaced you with quite an entourage. It's a regular ""marching band"". You should see me on the street, you'd think I was the First Lady --" +I'm taking them all out to Queens, as a matter of fact, right in your neighborhood. There's an event at my Father's school... an anniversary... I thought maybe you could come... Oh that thing in Queens. +Oh that thing in Queens. I'm going away after that, the next morning. +Where? Pretty far. I'm told not to say anything about it on the phone, in case it's tapped... they think it's best, safer, if I go away, at least till Venza's found. +When can I see you? I don't know. Garber's left orders here not to let you in the building. +Oh yeah. When is it? This thing in Queens. Tomorrow night. Can you come? +Tomorrow night. Can you come? I don't know. It wouldn't be very smart. +I don't know. It wouldn't be very smart. Listen, you're right. Don't do it. I'll just... send you an address, okay? +Claire... No really, it's okay, I've gotta go. I'm expecting some calls. I'll be fine, really. +No really, it's okay, I've gotta go. I'm expecting some calls. I'll be fine, really. I'll think about Wednesday. +What a memory. Do you dance? +Do you dance? Do you? +Do you? Pretty bad. +Pretty bad. Let's do it. +They guys treatin' you all right? Yeah. +Yeah. I've been doing a lot of thinking. +I've been doing a lot of thinking. I know. +It wouldn't work. I know. +I'd miss my life... ... Don't explain. +How long you going away for? Long enough. +Long enough. """For""...?" +"""For""...?" """To""... Forget about you." +I'll have to pack a lot of clothes. Yeah... +... Mike. It's Venza. He wants you. You, for Ellie and Tommy. +Claire! Mike...? +Everyone's all right...? Yeah. It's all over. +So. So. +You still going away? I don't know... +I don't know... You don't have to, now. +You don't have to, now. I think it's probably still a good idea. +I'll miss you, Mike. Listen, I'll... see you again. +I like your coat. You have a weakness for Lady Cops. +You have a weakness for Lady Cops. I do. +Say goodbye, Mike. You take care. +Hello, Claire. How extraordinary that you came. It was something my father always liked me to do. +It was something my father always liked me to do. You're planning to speak? +You're planning to speak? Not if you don't want me to. +Not if you don't want me to. Well, of course, we'd be... honored... +Well, of course, we'd be... honored... Just putting in an appearance then. +... just saying you should think twice about it... ... I don't want to talk about it... +... You know, and I know, that the only thing standing between a life sentence for Venza and his freedom is my testimony at his trial... Claire... +Claire... ... He killed Win... he enjoyed it... +... He killed Win... he enjoyed it... Win made his choices, Claire. We all do -- +Win made his choices, Claire. We all do -- And I'm making mine. +You're dealing with a psychopath. He gets out of jail in ten years, or five... or ninety days, and you'll be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life... "What am I supposed to do?! I saw one of my oldest friends get killed! And I saw who did it! I can't just -- ""let it go away""!!" +"What am I supposed to do?! I saw one of my oldest friends get killed! And I saw who did it! I can't just -- ""let it go away""!!" Claire... +Keep what handy? Nothing. +Nothing. The gun? It's in the upstairs closet. +We're not going to the game, are we Mom? Sure we are, let's go! +Mom, what's going to happen with you and Dad? I don't know Tommy. +Hey, can we go to McDonald's? Absolutely. +Tommy...! I'm all right. +Think I should put the skateboard in bed with him? Too kinky. +Ellie, you know I think it's about time we got outa this place, get us a house of our own. We can afford it now. Amen to that. The supermarket's full of assholes. +Amen to that. The supermarket's full of assholes. Take my advice, don't buy any... +Mike? What? +What? My ass if falling. +My ass if falling. Your what...? +Your what...? My ass is falling. It is. +My ass is falling. It is. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I just saw it in the mirror, it doesn't look like my ass anymore. +I just saw it in the mirror, it doesn't look like my ass anymore. Get in bed. +Get in bed. What am I gonna do? I jog, I do the exercises on TV in the morning... gravity... +What am I gonna do? I jog, I do the exercises on TV in the morning... gravity... You got a great ass! I love your ass -- now get that falling ass into bed before it hits the floor. +Tomorrow, I start looking for our house... You love me? You got no idea... +You got no idea... Imagine... I'm sleepin' with a DT. +So how'd it go? Not great. I've got a babysitting job for a material witness on a homicide. +For how long? 'Til they pick up the perp. Seniority gets day shift... You know what that means. +Don't start... The only reason is that the neighborhood's shi... ... crummy. I just don't like the idea of leaving you alone here at night. I can still use a gun. +I can still use a gun. Just keep it someplace safe, but handy. +Changing the sparks. They showed it on TV. What d'you think? I think television's a dangerous thing. +I think television's a dangerous thing. It's twenty bucks in the bank. +Hey. The neighbors. Let 'em eat their hearts out. +I read the article. You didn't tell me she was so beautiful. Well, actually, she looks better than that. +Okay? Unbelievably handsome. You look fantastic in a suit. +The real estate lady left, she couldn't wait anymore. What took you? Oh, some shit. +Oh, some shit. What shit, honey? +What shit, honey? You don't want to hear about it. +Honey. You got him. I don't know that Ellie. He might get out. Garber's not bein' straight with the witness, she could be in deep shit if she identifies him, and it's my job to convince her she won't be. +I don't know that Ellie. He might get out. Garber's not bein' straight with the witness, she could be in deep shit if she identifies him, and it's my job to convince her she won't be. She's got to identify him. +She's got to identify him. Why? +Why? Because the the only way to stop crime is to identify criminals. I can't believe you're talking this way Mister Detective -- I think she's got a lot of guts. +Because the the only way to stop crime is to identify criminals. I can't believe you're talking this way Mister Detective -- I think she's got a lot of guts. I think -- she's crazy. +I think -- she's crazy. I'd identify him. +I'd identify him. I might stop you. +Oh I can see you've had a bad day. We'll see the house another time, okay? No! No! I'm sorry. Ninety-seven five right? +No! No! I'm sorry. Ninety-seven five right? Where'd you get the tie? +Bought it. It's not your taste. +It's not your taste. What did she say the down payment was? +What did she say the down payment was? She didn't like the other one, so she picked this one. +She didn't like the other one, so she picked this one. She took you shopping for a tie? +She took you shopping for a tie? I had to follow her to a store. +I had to follow her to a store. What's wrong with your paisley tie? +What's wrong with your paisley tie? Ellie, it was a formal party... +Ellie, it was a formal party... Excuse me! You went to a party with her? +Excuse me! You went to a party with her? I'm her bodyguard, goddamnit... +I'm her bodyguard, goddamnit... I know you're her bodyguard. Did she buy it or did you? +I know you're her bodyguard. Did she buy it or did you? She bought it. +She bought it. Why? +Why? I don't know why she bought me a tie! -- She's a generous person -- and she's a nice person -- and I could be settin' her up to be killed... you want the fuckin' tie? +Coming to bed? Few minutes. Want to catch the news. +Few minutes. Want to catch the news. Should I wait up? We've got to get up early for the beach tomorrow. +Should I wait up? We've got to get up early for the beach tomorrow. I'll be right up. +What? Goddamn Venza assaulted a taxi driver in the Bronx, thirteen months ago. It's coming to court and the judge let him walk because of the pending case law. +Mike, take it easy... Take it easy! I set her up. I saw it coming. +Take it easy! I set her up. I saw it coming. It's not your fault. Mike, please get off the case. +It's not your fault. Mike, please get off the case. It is my fault! I'm responsible for her! +It is my fault! I'm responsible for her! Did you hear what I said? +Did you hear what I said? Did you hear what I said?!! +I'm sorry. I know I heard noises... the detective's wife... I want you and Tommy to stay with my mother. +C'mon, don't make an issue of it. Do you want the fucking meatloaf or not? "D'you have to say ""fucking"" every other word?" +"D'you have to say ""fucking"" every other word?" What was that? +What was that? You heard me. +You heard me. Jesus, Mike, somebody's been feeding you a line of crap. +Jesus, Mike, somebody's been feeding you a line of crap. What're you talking about -- +What're you talking about -- I'm talking about I've been talking this way for sixteen years and now, out of the blue, it's vulgar! +You gotta get another tour. We're gettin' too old for this. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. I'm not saying it's your fault. +What did you do tonight? I watched TV. +I watched TV. What did you watch? +What did you watch? I don't remember Michael, go to sleep. You don't have to make conversation with me. +Hey, we qualify for the Senior Citizens Early-Bird Special... Did you see Tommy today? He misses you... Well. This'll be over soon. Venza's such a nut job, we're bound to pick him up soon. +Well. This'll be over soon. Venza's such a nut job, we're bound to pick him up soon. I'd like you to switch to the day shift, Mike. To be home for dinner. Helen insists that T.J. be home for dinner... That's why he's on the morning shift. +I'd like you to switch to the day shift, Mike. To be home for dinner. Helen insists that T.J. be home for dinner... That's why he's on the morning shift. Well, T.J.'s... seniority... and all. I'll talk to Garber about it. +Well, T.J.'s... seniority... and all. I'll talk to Garber about it. I already did. I mean, I talked to his wife, and she talked to him... +I already did. I mean, I talked to his wife, and she talked to him... You talked to his wife? +My wife talks to his wife about what shift I'm gonna take? What's the difference? +Let me drive... Get away from me... get away! She means that much to you, you stay with her. But you come back, you come back for me. Not for Tommy, not for your mother, or your fucking job, but for me. +Get away from me... get away! She means that much to you, you stay with her. But you come back, you come back for me. Not for Tommy, not for your mother, or your fucking job, but for me. El? I'm sorry. I do love you. And you are a lady. I have so much respect... +I'm going to visit my sister for a few days. I'd like you to get your stuff out. What about Tommy? +What about Tommy? He'll live through it. They all live through it. What a world, huh? +Was it Venza? Did you get him? No. +Ellie... I'm all right. +He doesn't want to sleep here. Neither do I. It's not my house anymore. Me neither. +I don't know how you did it, but whatever it was, keep doing it. I just sat and listened. +I just sat and listened. Safe and secure is how we want her. Until she I.D.'s Venza. +Why not Patrol? They'd do just as good a job. When I want your advise, Keegan, I'll make an appointment. +What about when she goes out? Discourage it. But stay with her if you can't. Call it in first so we can have a car on tail. She's agreed to travel only with her own driver and limousine... okay, let's check it out. +But I got him! He's in jail! Wasn't that the point...?! You apprehended him after he gave himself up -- +You apprehended him after he gave himself up -- It wasn't a bad bust. He gave himself up because he knew I was gonna nab him. +It wasn't a bad bust. He gave himself up because he knew I was gonna nab him. Anyone who turns himself in makes a good case for bail. +Anyone who turns himself in makes a good case for bail. Even Joey Venza?! +Even Joey Venza?! "He's got a good lawyer, and he made a smart move. We've got a scared witness and a suspect who proved ""good will"" by turning himself in." +"He's got a good lawyer, and he made a smart move. We've got a scared witness and a suspect who proved ""good will"" by turning himself in." What about when she identifies him?! +What about when she identifies him?! If she identifies him. Where the fuck were you anyway, cowboy! Venza was meat. He walked right past you, and now we're the ones playing catch-up! You better hope she identifies him. +They're operating on him. He's still alive. I heard. +I heard a lot... Anything you want to deny, Mike? It should've been me... +What do you think? Any chance? There's nothin' else I'm any good at, but this. Call me next week. We'll talk about it. +At my house...! Call a cruiser! +Let's go. We're takin' her home! Move it! Get the cars! Koontz! I need you guys! +Koontz! I need you guys! We'll call SWAT. We'll get the locals. Throw it! +We'll call SWAT. We'll get the locals. Throw it! No, I need'm now! +No One-Seventeen, they'll fuck it up! He told me not to tell anybody, to bring Claire and come alone! He won't wait, he knows I'm two minutes away! Koontz, please! I can't do it, you know that... He's not gonna allow it anyway, Mike. No way is he gonna let anybody walk out of that house alive, who can finger him. +Hey Mike, out of the bag into the bureau, huh... How do you like it so far? Right behind you, T.J. +Who's Joey Venza? Bad fuckin' news. Even the families dropped him when they found they had a fruitcake on their hands. But he knows where a lot of bodies are buried. It'd cap it for Garber if he could bring him in. +Shit! A Nursemaid! My first detail, and I'm a fuckin' slug! I got a 'choice' at all. Do it, or look for another profession. That's a choice I guess. +Do it, or look for another profession. That's a choice I guess. You in this with me? +You in this with me? Yeah! Seniority gets the day shift. +Not Koontz. Be happy. He's good at this. +Wasn't your fault. It was my fault, T.J. Fuck! +Tell me I'm dreamin'. I just gotta talk to her, T.J. +Uh, yeah. I'm a policeman. Ever shot anyone? +Ever shot anyone? Yes. +Yes. Does it make you... hard? +Does it make you... hard? ... Hard? +... Hard? "Erect. You know, a ""boner?"" I'd heard that it gives you a boner, to shoot a man." +Are you in charge here? No, sir... +No, sir... I asked for the man in charge... +I asked for the man in charge... That would be Lieutenant Garber, and he's very busy upstairs... +That would be Lieutenant Garber, and he's very busy upstairs... "Don't tell me he's ""busy"". I asked for an ambulance for this woman and..." +"Don't tell me he's ""busy"". I asked for an ambulance for this woman and..." Is she injured? +You're not going to talk to anyone without a lawyer. She's not a suspect, sir, she's a witness. Could I ask you to step outside, please. +She's not a suspect, sir, she's a witness. Could I ask you to step outside, please. No, I will not step outside. +No, I will not step outside. Sir, I am just trying to do my job, it's standard procedure to question the witness alone. Help me out here, could you please leave. +Sir, I am just trying to do my job, it's standard procedure to question the witness alone. Help me out here, could you please leave. I don't really see what that has to do with... +You're here 'til what time? I'm relieved at 4:00 A.M. +You made a terrible mistake, Keegan. You didn't do what I said. That's right, you're gonna do what I say. Joey. I want to help you out of this. +That's right, you're gonna do what I say. Joey. I want to help you out of this. You should'a brought the girl. +You should'a brought the girl. I brought the girl. She's outside. +Hold it...! I'll prove it! +How do I know that's her? I'll bring her in. You let them go, and I'll bring her in. +I'll bring her in. You let them go, and I'll bring her in. Why should she come in? +Why should she come in? She trusts me. She'll do what I say. +She trusts me. She'll do what I say. Bullshit! Prove it. +Bullshit! Prove it. Koontz! Let her come in! Claire! It's pitch dark in here! You're gonna have trouble seeing anything, so just come in, and straight down a long hall. Then stand at the door so we can see you. We want to see your face and we won't be able to until you get to the kitchen door! +I want your guarantee they'll be turned loose when she opens the front door. I get my hostage first. No one's turned loose until I say so. +I get my hostage first. No one's turned loose until I say so. Let my kid go. +Let my kid go. I'm not lettin' no one go. +I'm not lettin' no one go. Get that gun away from his head, or I'll keep her from coming in! Put the gun on me, he can't hurt you! He's tied up! Put him under the table! +Get that gun away from his head, or I'll keep her from coming in! Put the gun on me, he can't hurt you! He's tied up! Put him under the table! Don't you fuckin' give orders to me... +Don't you fuckin' give orders to me... Put him under the table or I'll stop her from coming in. +Under the table. I'll take his place, all right? Put the gun to my head. +Watch your step! What the fuck you doin'?! +What're we having? My special, scrambled eggs surprise. +My special, scrambled eggs surprise. Scrambled eggs surprise? +How do you know where the gun is? I know where everything is. +I know where everything is. Except the goddamn skateboards, which are everywhere! I'd like to kill the guy who invented those things. +Except the goddamn skateboards, which are everywhere! I'd like to kill the guy who invented those things. Lay back, Mack. +Lay back, Mack. "Lay back, Mack!! What's this ""lay back, Mack?"" Where does he get this?" +God! Scrambled eggs surprise?! These are pickles...! God! "Just ""lay back, Mack""... lay back..." +Nice threads Dad. Yeah, I think so. +How are things going, pal? Okay, I guess. +Okay, I guess. How about dinner tonight? +How about dinner tonight? Mom and I got plans. +Mom and I got plans. "What ""plans?"" You and Mom got ""plans?""" +"What ""plans?"" You and Mom got ""plans?""" She's taking singing lessons. +She's taking singing lessons. She's what? +She's what? She met some friend of Aunt Millie's who works for a record company. He thinks she's got a great voice. +What! What kind of pathetic line is that? We're gonna pass the street. +You coming in? "No, I'm not coming in. And if you'd rather go to a ""singing lesson"" than have dinner with your father..." +"No, I'm not coming in. And if you'd rather go to a ""singing lesson"" than have dinner with your father..." We're not going to a singing lesson, she's just gonna start taking singing lessons. +We're not going to a singing lesson, she's just gonna start taking singing lessons. So, what are you doing tonight? +So, what are you doing tonight? Shooting. +Shooting. Shooting? +Shooting? Yeah. She says we gotta get used to being alone in this neighborhood. 'Bye, Dad. +Tommy! The guy's a sleaze-bag. She can't sing. I don't think she can sing, either. +I don't think she can sing, either. Take care, pal. +Sexual tension... Oh, beware of jealousy, my lord, the green-eyed monster... +Time to get my bowling ball re drilled. Peter Parker, you have no idea what I did this weekend. Or didn't do. It's no business of yours either way. +Well, look who's dressing for success. At least this ensemble doesn't glow in the dark. +And Flash isn't? Be nice. +Peter-- you took this picture? Let me see. +Here you go, Pete. Uh, Uncle Ben, I-- +Uh, Uncle Ben, I-- What, want a glass? +What, want a glass? No. No, that's okay. +So, uh... how's college goin'? Same old stuff. How's the pharmacy? +Same old stuff. How's the pharmacy? Ah, ya know. Neighborhood's not what it used to be. Kid no more'n five swiped a candy bar the other day. +Ah, ya know. Neighborhood's not what it used to be. Kid no more'n five swiped a candy bar the other day. You stop him? +You stop him? Wasn't worth gettin' upset over a Milky Way. Anyways, I was never much for, ya know, discipline. +Wasn't worth gettin' upset over a Milky Way. Anyways, I was never much for, ya know, discipline. I know. Still thinking about retiring? +I know. Still thinking about retiring? Eh. If I ever get out from under. Maybe take May to France or somethin'. +Ya still follow the Mets, Pete? No…not really. +No…not really. S'funny. When your mom and dad, uh, passed away, I had this idea. I wanted you to be the best baseball player in the world. +S'funny. When your mom and dad, uh, passed away, I had this idea. I wanted you to be the best baseball player in the world. Remember Little League? +Remember Little League? Yeah, Babe Ruth you wasn't. +Ya set for, uh, ya know-- money? Oh, sure. +Oh, sure. Cause if you get in a bind-- +Cause if you get in a bind-- No, no. +No, no. Yeah, ya like to do things on your own I been thinkin' lately. Maybe I wasn't the, ya know, greatest dad-- +Yeah, ya like to do things on your own I been thinkin' lately. Maybe I wasn't the, ya know, greatest dad-- Oh, come on, Ben ,that's not-- +Oh, come on, Ben ,that's not-- -- no, I mean... we... your Aunt May not wantin' kids and all... I mean we both... +When you won that scholarship, I was proud of you. I know. +I know. I'm always here, Pete. +Yeah, take pity on the feeble minded. No, no, listen. They're tryin' to say he was in cahoots with this killer-- +No, no, listen. They're tryin' to say he was in cahoots with this killer-- Flash, drop it-- +Flash, drop it-- -- but they got it all wrong. Any fool can figure it out. Spider-Man nailed this guy! +I was there. See? +See? Or was it all a dream? +Lizzy! I was sort of hoping to get out of-- +I was sort of hoping to get out of-- I'm parked illegally! +Hey, guys. Check it out-- I saw this dud on the tube last night. He is incredibly cool. I saw him too. He was silly and obnoxious. +Mistake? Hey, guy, get back here! Hm. What a lump. +Flash, get lost. Come on, laughter's the best medicine! +You maniac. You'll blow your scholarship. They'll never take me alive. +What's in there? A little bunny I saved from dissection. +A little bunny I saved from dissection. Harry! +Ooooh. Your feet are on fire. Harry +Harry """Harry Osborne diminishes the stature of the University.""" +"""Harry Osborne diminishes the stature of the University.""" Let me guess. The hunting dogs. You lost your scholarship. +"""Scholarship students must maintain dignity at all times.""" I know. I've got one too. +I know. I've got one too. Screw scholarships! Universities are death! They make slaves of us all with their fetid ideas! Burn 'em down, I say! +Great idea. Let me get some shoes. I'll take you home. Why home? The real world beckons, man! The possibilities are endless. Want to go up to the World Trade Center and laugh at New Jersey? +You're so responsible it's disgusting. But you're my only friend... do you hate me? Don't be pitiful. +Don't be pitiful. I am not pitiful! I am the bridge to the Übermensch! +Jesus Christ. Mm-hmm. +Mm-hmm. And you let me go on about Rosomoff working me too hard? I feel like a complete idiot. +And you let me go on about Rosomoff working me too hard? I feel like a complete idiot. You're not half the idiot I am, Harry. +You get mugged or something? Listen, I do appreciate your concern, but-- +Listen, I do appreciate your concern, but-- I got you a present. +Oh, I need your notes from the classes I missed. Well, I've missed a lot of classes myself... +Well, I've missed a lot of classes myself... Oh. Well, hang in there, amigo. +Now tell me you love me. Lemme down, bugface! +Lemme down, bugface! That's not even close. +Are you okay? Get away from me, freak! +How are you doing, kid? Oh, look, Mr. Hogan, I'm really sorry about what happened in there. Really-- +Oh, look, Mr. Hogan, I'm really sorry about what happened in there. Really-- You can be great, kid, just stick with it. But let me give you one little piece of advice... be a good guy. +You can be great, kid, just stick with it. But let me give you one little piece of advice... be a good guy. Right. +Too hip. Your photos suck, kid. I think you're trying to tell me something. +Come on, that's pure luck! The guy was in the right place at the right time-- You make your own luck, Parker! Get into the middle of things, spend every day pounding the pavement of the city's mean streets-- +You taking extension classes, Mr. Jameson? Parker-- you go here, right? Got your camera? +Parker-- you go here, right? Got your camera? Yeah-- +Yeah-- Get inside and get pictures. Fifty bucks. +Get inside and get pictures. Fifty bucks. Can we make it a hundred? +Can we make it a hundred? Seventy. But I want blood and gore. You know, sexy stuff. +Can't focus... Gimme that. Pick it up later. +I bet you don't think I appreciate you, Parker. I do. Well, thanks. You wouldn't believe what I went through to get those. Right after you took my camera, this ambulan-- +Well, thanks. You wouldn't believe what I went through to get those. Right after you took my camera, this ambulan-- I like enthusiasm. That's why I use a lot of smart-ass kids. Not just 'cause they work cheap. +I like enthusiasm. That's why I use a lot of smart-ass kids. Not just 'cause they work cheap. Mr. Jameson-- +Mr. Jameson-- I got a question, college boy. What the hell am I supposed to do with these!? I ask for disaster, pathos, what do I get? Salvador Dali! When I want artsy-fartsy double-exposures, I'll ask for-- +I got a question, college boy. What the hell am I supposed to do with these!? I ask for disaster, pathos, what do I get? Salvador Dali! When I want artsy-fartsy double-exposures, I'll ask for-- Double-exposures? But they're not-- I was in-- +Double-exposures? But they're not-- I was in-- I don't give a gerbil's ass how you got 'em! I can't print this surreal garbage! +I don't give a gerbil's ass how you got 'em! I can't print this surreal garbage! You print pictures of Bigfoot! +You print pictures of Bigfoot! Bunch of kids at your goddamned college say their appliances attacked them. Did you get pictures? +Bunch of kids at your goddamned college say their appliances attacked them. Did you get pictures? Mr. Jameson-- +Mr. Jameson-- No! Washington Square, manhole covers turn into flying saucers and radios explode like A-bombs. Did you get pictures? +No! Washington Square, manhole covers turn into flying saucers and radios explode like A-bombs. Did you get pictures? Can I get a word in edgewise? +Can I get a word in edgewise? No! Now get outta my face, kid. +Relax, Jameson. This is business. I know you want photos of me, so I'll give your boy Parker an exclusive. On one condition-- I don't submit to blackmail! The first amendment protects my freedom to tell the news as I imagine it, and-- +I don't submit to blackmail! The first amendment protects my freedom to tell the news as I imagine it, and-- Would you cool it already? +Would you cool it already? Police, help! Po-- mmph. +Thank you. Now, repeat after me-- Spider-Man is a good guy. On the side of right, and niceness, and cute baby animals and all that. Frmpph-yrr. +Frmpph-yrr. Fine. +Oh, that? It'll come unstuck in a half-hour or so. Your mouth needs the rest. Bye. Hmf-hrr? +No refund on the mask, y'know. Health laws. Uh-huh. Look, this should be skintight. Bright colors. Red, maybe a deep midnight blue. +Uh-huh. Look, this should be skintight. Bright colors. Red, maybe a deep midnight blue. What's this? A cockaroach? +What's this? A cockaroach? A spider. Eight legs. +Eh. Week from tomorrow. How about tomorrow? +How about tomorrow? You're making my life difficult. +You're making my life difficult. Two suits by tomorrow for $400? +Two suits by tomorrow for $400? An even five I throw in the jacket. +An even five I throw in the jacket. Deal. But don't tell anyone. I want to keep a low profile. +Is that bug juice, or are you just glad to see me? Sorry. I'm still getting the hang of this. +Sorry. I'm still getting the hang of this. I see. So, Amazing Spider-Man-- I'll assume that's not your given name-- +I see. So, Amazing Spider-Man-- I'll assume that's not your given name-- Just call me Spidey. +Just call me Spidey. Can I get you a snack-- a housefly, maybe? +Can I get you a snack-- a housefly, maybe? Thanks, I already ate. +Thanks, I already ate. I'll hate myself in the morning for asking, but what exactly makes you any more amazing than the average jerk on the street? +I'll hate myself in the morning for asking, but what exactly makes you any more amazing than the average jerk on the street? Well... +All right, amazing. Are you quite finished? Just about. You see, I also have this amazing strength... +Are you quite finished? Just about. See, I also have this amazing strength. +He left. I couldn't believe it-- he just left! It's as if he's somewhere else... I'm only getting a piece of him. When Peter was little, he loved to hide. In closets, under the sink. He needed a secret place. But when I'd look for him, he'd laugh... he wanted to be found. +When Peter was little, he loved to hide. In closets, under the sink. He needed a secret place. But when I'd look for him, he'd laugh... he wanted to be found. I don't think he wants me to find him. +Maybe I was hiding. For years, I never told Ben the one important thing. He knew. +He knew. Some things you should say anyway. +Some things you should say anyway. Even if they're not clever. +Even if they're not clever. Even if you've heard them a million times in every stupid pop song ever written. +Even if you've heard them a million times in every stupid pop song ever written. What if you get hurt? +What if you get hurt? What if the world ends tomorrow? +Good morning, Liz. How very dull, Peter Parker. +How very dull, Peter Parker. It's too early to be clever. +It's never too early to be clever. Describe in a sentence how you feel about me. Huh? +Huh? "Fill in the blank: ""I blank Elizabeth Allan.""" +"Fill in the blank: ""I blank Elizabeth Allan.""" I-- uh-- +I-- uh-- Uh is a good start. +Uh is a good start. I lov-loathe Elizabeth Allan. Abhor, detest, despise-- +I lov-loathe Elizabeth Allan. Abhor, detest, despise-- Oh. Well, I hate you and everyone who looks like you. +I hate the Platonic idea of you. I hate people with alliterative names. +I hate people with alliterative names. I hate-- +I hate-- I hate your relatives, I hate your coffee, I hate your shoes. +No. I was lying about the coffee. Thank God. +-- but the dogs treed him between Huxley and Kafka. Poor Harry. Always desperate for attention. What about the bunny? +Poor Harry. Always desperate for attention. What about the bunny? Back to the lab. Harry'll probably lose his scholarship. +He'll weasel out of trouble. Again. Maybe. I could have stopped it, though. +Maybe. I could have stopped it, though. Since you're feeling guilty, why not donate your pretzel to somebody who needs it? +My my. Yeah. Really gets to you if you let it. +I suppose. You want to give them something, but they'll just buy more Ripple. And they smell so... bad. +You want to give them something, but they'll just buy more Ripple. And they smell so... bad. What? +God, Flash can be such a jerk. But you like that in a man? +But you like that in a man? You should write that one down. +You should write that one down. """Flash,"" Liz. You're going out with something that calls itself ""Flash.""" +"""Flash,"" Liz. You're going out with something that calls itself ""Flash.""" Some prep school thing. +Some prep school thing. Does it have a human name? +Does it have a human name? "Eugene. Admit it, Peter-- you'd do anything for a nickname like ""Flash.""" +"Eugene. Admit it, Peter-- you'd do anything for a nickname like ""Flash.""" I'd never admit that. +I'd never admit that. Hurry up, Flash! +What are you doing this weekend? I've gotta study. +I've gotta study. Oh. Maybe I should, too-- +Eat alone, gotta read. Social defense tactic 17 Peter, that jacket is foul. Lose your glasses? Hi, Adele. +Brrr. It's colder than New Hampshire in here. I'm sure you kept warm. +Don't misquote Othello at me. Besides, you'd have to care about somebody to strangle them. What's your problem? +What's your problem? I've got no problems. +Sit down and stop being such a child. This from a girl who still plays with dolls. +This from a girl who still plays with dolls. That wasn't clever. That was just nasty. +What's in the bag? Garbage? Sort of. I'm returning the-- that outfit that you hated so much. Maybe I can get my money back. +Sort of. I'm returning the-- that outfit that you hated so much. Maybe I can get my money back. Oh, don't do it on my account-- +Oh, don't do it on my account-- No, it wasn't only you-- it -- it just wasn't my style. Hey, look-- let's go to lunch. Someplace nice for a change. +No, it wasn't only you-- it -- it just wasn't my style. Hey, look-- let's go to lunch. Someplace nice for a change. This from a man who winces at the cost of a pretzel? +This from a man who winces at the cost of a pretzel? That was then. I'm better since the lobotomy. +-- but at least Aunt May's okay now. I really have to stop by the hospital this afternoon. Do you mind if I come too? +Do you mind if I come too? I think I'd like that. +They keep saying there's nothing I could've done. That's a lie. I could've done something. If only I'd paid attention to my feelings. You're not trained for that. None of us are... I mean, sometimes I... Okay, let's say you had gone back. What then? Are you bulletproof? +You're not trained for that. None of us are... I mean, sometimes I... Okay, let's say you had gone back. What then? Are you bulletproof? Well, no. +Well, no. "So? The next day I'd read, ""Peter Parker murdered,"" and I'd feel..." +"So? The next day I'd read, ""Peter Parker murdered,"" and I'd feel..." You'd feel what? +You'd feel what? Listen. You think you're responsible for everything that happens. Don't flagellate yourself - and don't flatter yourself, either. You're not the center of the universe. You're just... Peter. +Listen. You think you're responsible for everything that happens. Don't flagellate yourself - and don't flatter yourself, either. You're not the center of the universe. You're just... Peter. Am I? I'm not so sure. I used to be sure of a lot of things. Oh, different things from week to week, but now-- I'm not sure of anything anymore. +Am I? I'm not so sure. I used to be sure of a lot of things. Oh, different things from week to week, but now-- I'm not sure of anything anymore. I know what you mean. I... +Hello. Earth to Peter. Are you listening? Unh-huh. Excuse me. I've gotta go. +I'm sorry about being a jerk this afternoon. Just shut up and close your eyes. This'll hurt. +May's much better. She'll be out soon. Oh, God, I forgot to-- +Oh, God, I forgot to-- Ssh. I always thought she was a strong person. She is-- but not for the reasons I thought. +Ssh. I always thought she was a strong person. She is-- but not for the reasons I thought. Strong... +Strong... Her cleverness, that hard edge-- maybe they're the weakest part of her. The strong part is… what's underneath. The part she was protecting. There's no reason to protect it... I think she's just finding that out now. +Peter? I'm here... +Hello, Liz. Hello. So very boring. Peter Parker, how do you feel about me this morning? +Hello. So very boring. Peter Parker, how do you feel about me this morning? I... I like you. A lot. +I... I like you. A lot. Hm. Well, I like you, too. I like your aunt. I like your shoelaces. I like-- +Hold it. Can we stop being clever, just for a moment? Why? +This may be the end of a beautiful friendship, you know. Nah. +You were the last one to see Thorkel. In Octavius' hospital room. So you've found Thorkel? +So you've found Thorkel? Some of him… char-broiled bones. Teeth. We ruled out suicide. Any bad blood between him and Ock? +Octavius wasn't the murderer type. But you said he went off a little, after the accident, when those mechanical arms-- +But you said he went off a little, after the accident, when those mechanical arms-- Waldos. +Waldos. Right. We have reason to believe he also robbed an armored truck and killed two men. With the waldos. +Lieutenant, I've triangulated recent bizarre events-- the Bronx, Jersey, Brooklyn-- all rippling out from-- Here. The E.S.U. Science Center. Octavius' experiment seems to have opened a hole in space-time, drastically changing the interrelation between molecular binding, electromagnetism and gravity-- Yeah, that's fascinating, but I'm just a fat, dumb cop lookin' for a psycho killer-- +Yeah, that's fascinating, but I'm just a fat, dumb cop lookin' for a psycho killer-- There's an infinitely greater danger. If-- Listen. The only thing Octavius cares about is repeating his experiment. To do that, he needs a radioactive catalyst, SL 270. +Toxic dumps, huh. And he'll need a cyclotron. He can't use ours-- he's already destroyed it. Guard every nuclear accelerator on the Eastern Seaboard. New Haven, Long Island, two in Cambridge-- +And he'll need a cyclotron. He can't use ours-- he's already destroyed it. Guard every nuclear accelerator on the Eastern Seaboard. New Haven, Long Island, two in Cambridge-- You sure about all this? +You sure about all this? I know him. +Of course. It's a lot of ground to cover. We'll try. Funny coincidence, huh? +It's a lot of ground to cover. We'll try. Funny coincidence, huh? "No such thing as coincidence. ""God does not play dice with the universe.""" +"No such thing as coincidence. ""God does not play dice with the universe.""" Einstein, right? We'll see ya. +Einstein, right? We'll see ya. Peter-- my condolences. +Yeah, Roz. Any sign of our friend? +Any sign of our friend? Nope. Maybe he skipped to Rio. Feds got troops surrounding every cyclotron on the continent. Are you absolutely positive that one at E.S.U. is kaput? +Roz? Rosomoff? What is it? Precise equipment… such as waldos +There's nothing in there worth stealing! That's the understatement of the year. +Aunt May, you're trespassing. Your records are older than you are. Have you never heard of new wave? +When I moved out, you swore up and down you wouldn't meddle-- Oh, Peter. A zit. +I am old enough to-- --but I didn't feel like getting to know your roaches. +--but I didn't feel like getting to know your roaches. I'll introduce you. +I'll introduce you. Ick. And those foul chemicals in the pots-- +Ick. And those foul chemicals in the pots-- I'm a photographer, remember? +I'm a photographer, remember? Anyway, I've decided to kidnap you for dinner in Forest Hills-- +It's Friday night... Yes. Do you have a date? +Yes. Do you have a date? No. +The record-- It'll shut itself off. +What the hell is that? Tofu. Ben, I wish you wouldn't. +Oh, not that. You promised you'd burn it. You were adorable. The least you could do is use a glass. +Absolutely no class. Funny thing happened after my physics class today. Harry Osborn-- +Funny thing happened after my physics class today. Harry Osborn-- Use a fork. +A match made in heaven. See? You big dullard. +Peter, you're bleeding. It's fine. Tell me what-- +It's fine. Tell me what-- Oh, Ben gets through everything. +Oh, Ben gets through everything. Aunt May, what happened? +Aunt May, what happened? I was napping on the couch. There was a voice and a shot. I woke up. Ben was looking at me. +I was napping on the couch. There was a voice and a shot. I woke up. Ben was looking at me. How is he? +How is he? He'll be fine. They won't tell me anything, but I'm sure he'll be fine. +Poison emergency. Hi. I've got sort of a hypothetical question. Do you suppose the bite of a radioactive spider would transmit that spider's proportional strength and agility? +Hi. I've got sort of a hypothetical question. Do you suppose the bite of a radioactive spider would transmit that spider's proportional strength and agility? Is this some sort of Zen thing? +Is this some sort of Zen thing? I mean, I suddenly have immense physical power, and the ability to crawl up walls-- +I mean, I suddenly have immense physical power, and the ability to crawl up walls-- Do ya? Lemme give you the number for Bellevue. That's 561-5151-- +Do ya? Lemme give you the number for Bellevue. That's 561-5151-- Yeah, a psychiatric hospital. Listen, I'm serious-- +Ha. Anti-gravitational particles. Power down. I need to talk to you. +Power down. I need to talk to you. Proof. Proof of a unified field. Not just theory and equations-- experimental proof. +Proof. Proof of a unified field. Not just theory and equations-- experimental proof. Let's talk in the hall. +In this obsolete little cyclotron, I'm solving the greatest physics problem of the 20th Century. With more power, I could-- I've had an extremely bad day, Octavius. A sophomoric prank in the library and punitive measures. +Then the alumni reports came in-- fund-raising is down this year. I couldn't care less. What I've done is-- +What you've done is make the entire physics department look foolish. You compare yourself to Einstein; your colleagues compare you to Bozo the Clown. This is the unified field! All the forces of the universe tied together-- perfectly! +You've used up your grant. The electric bills alone exceed your annual salary. Not to mention the potential hazards of your radioactive fuel. I don't care. Cretin. +That Nobel Prize will just have to wait. No! +Then you'll be glad to know the University has decided not to press criminal charges against you. Breaking and entering… the minor matter of the total destruction of a 23 million dollar cyclotron I will finish what I've begun +I will finish what I've begun Doubtless. And you'll have all the time in the world to pursue your work. Somewhere else. +Otto, I don't like Thorkel any more than you do. But he has got a point. Rosomoff, I have better things to do than teach Introductory Physics to mindless adolescents. +Rosomoff, I have better things to do than teach Introductory Physics to mindless adolescents. Perhaps. But every now and then someone pays attention. You did. +No. No thank you. I have work. I heard about Thorkel's order-- +I heard about Thorkel's order-- I left a paper in my desk. +A bit melodramatic… but if you could prove it… that would tie in your unified field theory, the Big Bang, Kaluza-Klein-- Ach, theories! This was first hand, experiential knowledge, the essence of the universe. +My… self. I don't matter. This human life, all life- insignificant. Bodies-- bags of sleepy, sluggish flesh. All right, we may be insignificant, imperfect creatures-- but we're all we've got. +All right, we may be insignificant, imperfect creatures-- but we're all we've got. You're wrong. Just for a moment, I heard, saw, felt-- I became Creation. +Creation? Or its opposite? Truth. Pure, eternal. Beyond the boundaries of mere mortality. +Otto, we are mere mortals. You must never forget your own limits-- I'll repeat the experiment. I will hold the truth. That's the only thing that matters. +I'll repeat the experiment. I will hold the truth. That's the only thing that matters. No. It isn't. +Life and death matter. Yours-- everyone's. By comparison, our search for truth is only a product of curiosity, a game-- Oh, Roz. My mind is so far beyond yours now. I could beat you at chess now. +My God, Otto, you have to hear me! The world we know will collapse! Everything we have devoted our lives to-- all patterns, all harmonies-- will be destroyed! Truth. Truth alone exists. Truth must be released... +Truth. Truth alone exists. Truth must be released... You have no right! This is cosmic suicide! +Mr. Parker. Hi, Professor. What's up? +Peter, what can I do for you? An extension on that astronomy paper? Because, uh... +An extension on that astronomy paper? Because, uh... Your dog ate it. +Your dog ate it. Actually, I got this spider bite +Actually, I got this spider bite Pretty lame for such a smart kid. +Pretty lame for such a smart kid. Really, Professor, I-- +Fortean phenomena. Anomalies in our so-called reality. Weirdness, my boy, and lots of it. Caused by Doc Ock's experiment? +Caused by Doc Ock's experiment? How much do you know about it? +How much do you know about it? Not a lot. I saw inside of the Science Center. What exactly happened? +Not a lot. I saw inside of the Science Center. What exactly happened? Only Octavius knows for sure. And last time I spoke to him, he was on the planet Whiz-Bang. +Need any more help? No, thank you. I'm sure you've got your own problems. +"This photo you took of ""Spider-Man"" -" Luck. The right place at the right time. +Luck. The right place at the right time. Really. I'd like to speak with him. +Really. I'd like to speak with him. I don't think I'll be running into him. +I don't think I'll be running into him. You never know. Go get some sleep. +You never know. Go get some sleep. I'll try. Thanks. +The paper, my boy. A solid B-plus. Oh. Yeah. Thanks. +Oh. Yeah. Thanks. If you really apply yourself, you'll get an A next time. +Kid, you were terrific. Max Reiss, novelty acts. Was that judo or something? Ah, skip it. Question is, can you do it again? Oh-- I don't know-- thanks, Mr. Reiss, but-- +Hello, uh, Mr. Reiss? I'm-- I'm the guy who wrestled Hulk Hogan the other day. The guy in the mask? I was hoping you'd call, babe. Look, you got representation? +I was hoping you'd call, babe. Look, you got representation? No +No Good. We'll make it oral for now. Meet me at Rockefeller Center at six tonight. +Good. We'll make it oral for now. Meet me at Rockefeller Center at six tonight. Why? It is a wrestling match, or +Why? It is a wrestling match, or Letterman show, NBC. We'll talk then. Bye. +Where'd you get the clown suit? Like it? +Like it? Nah. The big mask was better. +So they're airing this tonight? Yup. Oh, here's your check, minus my commission. Solid, solid novelty act. +... a couple a drinks at Sardi's? What? +What? I asked if you felt like a drink-- +I asked if you felt like a drink-- No. No, I-- my aunt and uncle. Something's wrong -- I need to make a phone call. +No. No, I-- my aunt and uncle. Something's wrong -- I need to make a phone call. Okay, kid. Call me tomorrow. +Mr. Reiss-- I need a quarter-- I just gave-- yeah, sure. +I sent for the police. We can explain. Explain that some jerk in a mask and costume fought a mad scientist with four tentacles? +Explain that some jerk in a mask and costume fought a mad scientist with four tentacles? Right. Let's go. +You're sure you're all right. Yeah, just a lung full of New Jersey. Lucky you showed up when you did. +Yeah, just a lung full of New Jersey. Lucky you showed up when you did. Logic. Lot 49 is the closest stockpile of SL 270-- I do feel foolish talking with a man dressed like a-- +Logic. Lot 49 is the closest stockpile of SL 270-- I do feel foolish talking with a man dressed like a-- Imagine how I feel. +Imagine how I feel. Excuse me if I'm impertinent, but-- how did you become… whatever it is you are? +Excuse me if I'm impertinent, but-- how did you become… whatever it is you are? The usual. Heredity and environment. What's the deal with Doc Ock? +The usual. Heredity and environment. What's the deal with Doc Ock? He'll try to finish his experiment. +He'll try to finish his experiment. And blow up the universe just to prove he's right? Bit egotistical, isn't it? +And blow up the universe just to prove he's right? Bit egotistical, isn't it? A messianic complex is nothing new to Octavius. In his universe, there's only one mind-- his own. It must be very lonely. +A messianic complex is nothing new to Octavius. In his universe, there's only one mind-- his own. It must be very lonely. Forgive me if I don't feel too sympathetic right now. +"I listened to him talk of eternal truth and thought of the Bhagavad Gita, the Indian holy book-- ""I am become Shiva, Death-- the destroyer of worlds."" Octavius was..." Bonkers. +Bonkers. Loonytunes. And yet... +Loonytunes. And yet... Just drop me off here. +Do you... live around here? No, but I've got this secret identity to worry about. I'll swing the rest of the way. +No, but I've got this secret identity to worry about. I'll swing the rest of the way. I see. Well, Octavius won't get much further. They'll catch him and... put him away. Sad. He might very well have the truth. +I see. Well, Octavius won't get much further. They'll catch him and... put him away. Sad. He might very well have the truth. Phooey on that. +Spider-Man, be careful! He's quite mad. I'm not so happy myself. +Professor, you ever fly one of these things before? Sure, in the war. Pull those cables-- +Up here, Docky Ocky! No, no! Not there! +Don't let him kid you. Cagney couldn't have pulled a sweeter job. All right, boys. We were waiting in the depot in Frankfurt, see? And there was an ammunition train coming through, the longest ammunition train you ever saw, see? So Dunbar gets himself in the men's room, see? Fixes himself a time bomb, busts open the window and just as the train moves out, lays the thing in there, see? So then, he comes out like nothing's happened and three minutes later you can hear it -- boom! Broke every window in Frankfurt. It was gorgeous! I wouldn't talk about things like that. +I wouldn't talk about things like that. They never caught on. +They never caught on. They may. That's why I would keep my mouth shut. +What's wrong with him? Plenty. +How did he ever find out about that ammunition train? You must have shot off your mouth all the way from Frankfurt to here. +You must have shot off your mouth all the way from Frankfurt to here. We did not. +Jawohl. Is you all good Nazis? +Is you all good Nazis? Jawohl. +Jawohl. Is you all little Adolfs? +Is you all little Adolfs? Jawohl! +Jawohl! Then we shall all zalute Feldwebel von und zu Schulz! About face! +Maybe just a hint or so. Think hard. I don't have to think. We didn't tell anything to anybody. Not a word. Not until we hit this barrack. +We made a deal with Barrack One. Any news on Dunbar? +Any news on Dunbar? He's still in the Kommandant's office. That's all I know. +Do Cagney. Like you did yesterday. There was that ammunition train in the depot at Frankfurt, see? So Dunbar gets himself in the men's room and fixes a time bomb, see? Then he waits until the train starts moving out, see? And one of the cars got the door open with some straw on the floor, see? So he throws it, see, and three minutes later -- voom! See? +There was that ammunition train in the depot at Frankfurt, see? So Dunbar gets himself in the men's room and fixes a time bomb, see? Then he waits until the train starts moving out, see? And one of the cars got the door open with some straw on the floor, see? So he throws it, see, and three minutes later -- voom! See? Throws what? How could he have a time bomb? +Throws what? How could he have a time bomb? Just pulled the old match gag, see! +Just pulled the old match gag, see! What's the match gag? +What's the match gag? Take some matches, see? And a cigarette, see? Tuck the cigarette in like this, see? Now the cigarette keeps burning like a fuse, see? +Where's Hoffy? Why don't we get any news about Dunbar? Don't worry. He'll be all right. +Don't worry. He'll be all right. I had to be the ham! I had to shoot off my mouth! +I had to be the ham! I had to shoot off my mouth! Forget it. He'll be back here. They've got no proof. +They ought to be under the barbed wire soon. Looks good outside. +Come on! Static! +Ready? Roger. +Roger. Okay. Move on. +Three's a crowd, especially if you've got to cut your way through barbed wire. Here's the wire cutters. Are the civilian clothes ready? Coming up. +Coming up. Get going on the trap door. +W-w-will that do or do you want some m-m-m --? That'll do. +There's only one pair left. We'll get some more. +What's the matter? You on their team now? You think I'm the guy? I don't know anymore. +I understand how you feel, Cookie. It's sort of rough -- one American squealing on other Americans. Then again, Cookie -- maybe that stoolie's not an American at all. Maybe he's a German the Krauts planted in this barracks. They do this type of thing. Just put an agent in with us -- a trained specialist. Lots of loose information floating around a prison camp. Not just whether somebody wants to escape, but what outfits we were with and where we were stationed, and how our radar operates. Could be, couldn't it? In this barracks? +In this barracks? Why not? Just one of the boys. Sharing our bunks. Eating our chow. Right in amongst the ones that beat me up. Except that he beat hardest. +Why not? Just one of the boys. Sharing our bunks. Eating our chow. Right in amongst the ones that beat me up. Except that he beat hardest. Who is it? +Who is it? That's not the point, Cookie. The point is what do you do with him? You tip your mitt and the Jerries pull him out of here and plant him someplace else, like Stalag Sixteen or Fifteen. Or you kill him off and the Krauts turn around and kill off the whole barracks. Every one of us. So what do you do? +That's not the point, Cookie. The point is what do you do with him? You tip your mitt and the Jerries pull him out of here and plant him someplace else, like Stalag Sixteen or Fifteen. Or you kill him off and the Krauts turn around and kill off the whole barracks. Every one of us. So what do you do? Who is it? +If you don't want to tell me, why don't you tell Hoffy? Or Security? Yeah. Security. +So long, Cookie. The department store is all yours. What's left of it. So long, Sefton. +Now what kind of a crack is that? No crack. Two packs of cigarettes say they don't get out of the forest. +Hold it, Sefton. So we heard some shots -- so who says they didn't get away? Anybody here wanna double their bet? +Private property, bub. How come the Krauts knew about that stove, Security? And the tunnel? How come you can't lay down a belch around here without them knowing it? +Come on, Trader Horn! Let's hear it: what'd you give the Krauts for that egg? Forty-five cigarettes. The price has gone up. +Nice guy! The Krauts shoot Manfredi and Johnson last night and today he's out trading with them. Look, this may be my last hot breakfast on account of they're going to take away that stove. So will you let me eat it in peace? +What's your beef, boys? So I'm trading. Everybody here is trading. Only maybe I trade a little sharper. So that makes me a collaborator. A lot sharper, Sefton! I'd like to have some of that loot you got in those footlockers! +A lot sharper, Sefton! I'd like to have some of that loot you got in those footlockers! You would, would you? Listen, Stupe -- the first week I was in this joint somebody stole my Red Cross package, my blanket and my left shoe. Well, I wised up since. This ain't no Salvation Army -- this is everybody for himself. Dog eat dog. +You would, would you? Listen, Stupe -- the first week I was in this joint somebody stole my Red Cross package, my blanket and my left shoe. Well, I wised up since. This ain't no Salvation Army -- this is everybody for himself. Dog eat dog. You stink, Sefton! +Static is right! The radio's static, Patton's static, we're static! Maybe it's going to be a longer war than you figured -- eh, Duke? +I suppose they also know about your distillery and the horseraces? That's right. +That's right. Just what makes you and them Krauts so buddy-buddy? +Just what makes you and them Krauts so buddy-buddy? Ask Security. You tell him, Price. You've got me shadowed every minute of the day. Or haven't you found out yet? +I grease the Kraut guards. With ten percent of the take. And maybe a little something else? +And maybe a little something else? A little something what? +Yeah, what about it? Cut the horsing around. We know he's the stoolie and we know what the pay- off is. Let's get on with it. Let's get on with what? What is this anyway? A Kangaroo Court? Why don't you get a rope and do it right? +Let's get on with what? What is this anyway? A Kangaroo Court? Why don't you get a rope and do it right? You make my mouth water. +You make my mouth water. You're all wire happy, boys. You've been in this camp too long. You put two and two together and it comes out four. Only it ain't four. +What are you looking at him for? Any objections, Sefton? Take it. +Next we're going to auction off your department store -- and your stable. Why not? +Have a cigar. Thanks. +I wouldn't worry about Schulz. I'd worry about Sefton. Remember me? I'm the stoolie. You ain't going to squeal this one, brother. +You ain't going to squeal this one, brother. No? Aren't you a little afraid to turn the stoolie loose on that compound? For a tip-off like this, you know what the Krauts would pay? +Here's the knife to do it with. Only make sure you got the right throat. We're looking at it. +Brother, were we all wet about you! Forget it. +Put me down for ten, you louse. I'll call the whole pot. +Don't ask me. Price was elected Security. Okay, Security -- what happened? +Come again? You betcha. I said one of us is a stoolie. A dirty, stinkin' stoolie! +Break it off! How much more do we have to take from him? +How much more do we have to take from him? There'll be no vigilante stuff. Not while I'm Barrack Chief. +How did he get over there? Easy! Walked right through the gate, past the guard. Like he was some Kraut Field Marshal. +The S.S. Men are here to pick up Dunbar. They're taking him to Berlin. Looks like he's finished. Only he ain't quite finished yet. Blondie -- get that smudge pot. Tie it to Steve's leg. +Then we're all in on it? Everybody but Joey, and you know who. +You killed them, huh? Both of them? Such nice boys! It makes me sick to -- +Such nice boys! It makes me sick to -- Don't wear it out! +Cut out the guff, Schulz. We're on to you. You know everything that's happening in this barrack. Who's tipping you off? Tipping me off? I do not understand. +Come on, Schulz! Spill it! How did you get the information? About Manfredi and Johnson? About the stove and the tunnel? Who's giving it to you? Which one of us is it? Which one of you is what? +That's the general idea. Only it's not so general as far as I'm concerned. You are talking crazy! +Lieutenant Dunbar? It wouldn't be James Schuyler Dunbar? From Boston? Yes, it would. Do we know each other? +Maybe he would. We applied for Officers' Training together, remember? They turned me down, but I'm glad to see you made it. Of course, it couldn't be that all that dough behind you had something to do with it! His mother's got twenty million dollars. Twenty-five. +Twenty-five. They've got a summer house in Nantucket, with an upstairs polo field. You better put a canopy over his bunk. +What did you expect, glamor boy? The Officers' Club with a steam room and a massage maybe? Just a minute. You made a couple of cracks before and I let them slide. But I don't intend to take any more. If you resent my having money, start a revolution, but get off my back. +Just a minute. You made a couple of cracks before and I let them slide. But I don't intend to take any more. If you resent my having money, start a revolution, but get off my back. Look, Lieutenant. All your dough won't help you here. Because here you're on your own. And no mother to throw you a lifebelt. Now let's see how good you can swim. +Shut off the moaning, or we'll have the dogs on us. Shut it off, Lieutenant. This is orders! My legs are frozen. +My legs are frozen. You'd better get that blue blood circulating, because we're busting out of this stink-hole in exactly -- -- one minute and twenty seconds. +You'd better get that blue blood circulating, because we're busting out of this stink-hole in exactly -- -- one minute and twenty seconds. Sefton! +Sefton! What did you expect, a St. Bernard dog? +What did you expect, a St. Bernard dog? Not you. +Not you. What some brandy? +What some brandy? Yeah. +Yeah. Who doesn't! Suppose we wait until we hit the Waldorf Astoria. +Who doesn't! Suppose we wait until we hit the Waldorf Astoria. It's on me. +It's on me. You won't get off that cheap. +You won't get off that cheap. What are the chances busting out of here? +What are the chances busting out of here? We'll know in forty seconds. Only in a democracy can a poor guy get his keister shot off with a rich guy. +Let's blow, Chauncey. Let's! +I am Lieutenant Dunbar. What is your number? +What is your number? 105-353. +105-353. That is correct. Lieutenant Dunbar, I came to apologize for the accommodations. Ordinarily, of course, we never put officers up with enlisted men. +That is correct. Lieutenant Dunbar, I came to apologize for the accommodations. Ordinarily, of course, we never put officers up with enlisted men. I'll live. +I'll live. Quite a transportation jam we are having outside of Frankfurt! They are very angry in Berlin. They will be even angrier on the East Front, waiting for that ammunition train. Don't you think so, Lieutenant? +Quite a transportation jam we are having outside of Frankfurt! They are very angry in Berlin. They will be even angrier on the East Front, waiting for that ammunition train. Don't you think so, Lieutenant? I don't know what you're talking about, Colonel. +I don't know what you're talking about, Colonel. Of course you don't. Now, Lieutenant, how would you like to join me in my quarters? I have a nice fire going. +Of course you don't. Now, Lieutenant, how would you like to join me in my quarters? I have a nice fire going. I'm okay here. Why bother? +I'm okay here. Why bother? No bother. I'm very grateful for a little company. You see, I suffer from insomnia. +No bother. I'm very grateful for a little company. You see, I suffer from insomnia. Ever try forty sleeping pills? +Ever try forty sleeping pills? Abfuehren! +You have no idea how boring my life here is. If it weren't for an occasional air raid or some foolish prisoners trying to escape, I wouldn't know what to do. I want to thank you for keeping me company. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't read. I hate music. That only leaves good conversation. It will be a shame to lose you. I didn't do it -- I didn't do it. +I didn't do it -- I didn't do it. Of course you did! Twenty-six carloads of munitions gone off like a trick cigar! The S.S. is running around in circles. The Gestapo is arresting the wrong people. And von Scherbach has caught the fish. Most amusing, isn't it? +You are being rude again. I want to sleep. Give me five minutes on that couch. +I want to sleep. Give me five minutes on that couch. Nine-thirty. General von Pfeffinger should be at his desk by now. Shall we call Berlin and tell him the good news? +Nine-thirty. General von Pfeffinger should be at his desk by now. Shall we call Berlin and tell him the good news? I didn't do it. I didn't do it. +There will be two S.S. men here tomorrow to take you to Berlin. You will be interrogated by the General Staff. When you come to the part about your arrest, I'm sure you won't forget to give me the proper credit. I want to sleep... I haven't slept for three days. +I want to sleep... I haven't slept for three days. You will remember the name? Von Scherbach? VON SCHER-BACH! +I didn't do it. I was in the Frankfurt station and the train was three miles away when it blew up. Oh, come now! You threw a time bomb. +Oh, come now! You threw a time bomb. How could I have had a time bomb? They searched me when they took me prisoner. +Here we have a typical barrack. It houses seventy-five men. Every one of them has his own bunk, naturally. Naturally. It would be rather awkward to have three men in one bunk. +Naturally. It would be rather awkward to have three men in one bunk. As for the blankets, you will notice they are very warm. Fifty percent wool. +As for the blankets, you will notice they are very warm. Fifty percent wool. They also smell of moth balls. When were they issued? This morning? +What do you do for heat in this barrack? No stove? The men here used it for a trap door, so we had to remove it temporarily. +The men here used it for a trap door, so we had to remove it temporarily. How long is temporarily? I trust not until July. +Well, Herr Inspector! How did you find the camp? Crowded but gemuetlich, shall we say? I want to talk about Lieutenant Dunbar. Is this Lieutenant Dunbar? +I want to talk about Lieutenant Dunbar. Is this Lieutenant Dunbar? It is. +It is. What exactly is he charged with? +What exactly is he charged with? Whatever it is, it's out of your jurisdiction. This man is not a prisoner of war. Not any more. He is a saboteur. +Whatever it is, it's out of your jurisdiction. This man is not a prisoner of war. Not any more. He is a saboteur. He is a prisoner of war until you can prove sabotage. +And the way you search your prisoners, it does sound rather unlikely. All I know is he did it. I am satisfied. +All I know is he did it. I am satisfied. I am not. According to the Geneva Convention -- +You were saying --? Simply this. After the hostilities are ended, there will be such a thing as a War Crimes Commission. If this man should be convicted without proper proof, you will be held responsible, Colonel von Scherbach. +Simply this. After the hostilities are ended, there will be such a thing as a War Crimes Commission. If this man should be convicted without proper proof, you will be held responsible, Colonel von Scherbach. Interesting. +Interesting. Isn't it? +Very well. If you insist on details. I have ways of finding out about that blasted time bomb. Good day, sir. You will forgive me for receiving you like this? Perfectly all right. I do not like boots. +Aufstehen, gentlemen! Please! You do not want to stay in bed on such a beautiful morning we are having today! Say, Schulz -- +Say, Schulz -- Jawohl? +Jawohl? Sprechen Sie deutsch? +Sprechen Sie deutsch? Jawohl. +Jawohl. Then droppen Sie dead! +Then droppen Sie dead! Ja -- ja! Droppen Sie dead! Always mit the jokes! Droppen Sie dead! +Jawohl! Some are not bad at all. +Wisecrackers? Where did he pick up his English? In a pretzel factory? You always think I am a square. I have been to America. I wrestled in Milwaukee and St. Louis and Cincinnati. And I will go back! The way the war is going I will be there before you! +You always think I am a square. I have been to America. I wrestled in Milwaukee and St. Louis and Cincinnati. And I will go back! The way the war is going I will be there before you! You should live so long. +Hey, Schulz! I got a deal for you. Suppose you help us escape. We'll go home and have everything ready for you in Madison Square Garden. For the world championship! Schulz, the Beast of Bavaria versus Halitosis Jones! Droppen Sie dead! Raus mit dem Ofen. Los! Los! +Why don't we accept, Animal? The worst that can happen is we wind up a couple of lamp shades. Raus! Raus! All of you! +What is this? This is water? It's a mouse trap. +It's a mouse trap. And this? +When you get going on those broads, think of me! Animal! Animal! Aren't you ashamed of yourself? A couple of guys are trying to escape and you're thinking of broads. Broads? +Shut up, Animal! Maybe they were layin' for 'em out there! +Good morning, Animal! What'll it be for breakfast? Scrambled eggs with little sausages? Bacon and eggs sunny- side up? Griddle cakes? A waffle? Stop it, Harry! +Stop it, Harry! Coffee? Milk? Or how about a little cocoa? +Coffee? Milk? Or how about a little cocoa? Why do you do this to me every morning? +Why do you do this to me every morning? Hamburger and onions! Strawberry shortcake! Gefillte fish! Banana split! French fried potatoes! Chicken a la king! +I'll kill you, Harry -- so help me! Let go, Animal! It's roll call! Hitler wants to see you! +'We will remove the iron stove -- the one that was camouflaging the trap door.' I'm telling you, Animal, these Nazis ain't Kosher. +I'm telling you, Animal, these Nazis ain't Kosher. You can say that again! +You can say that again! I'm telling you, Animal -- these Nazis ain't Ko -- +I'm telling you, Animal -- these Nazis ain't Ko -- I said say it again. I didn't say repeat it. +Hey -- Russki -- Russki! Look at those bublichkis! Over here! Comrade! Comrade! Otchi Tchorniya -- Otchi Tchorniya! +Look at me! I'm your baby! Get a load of that blonde one! Built like a brick Kremlin! Hey -- Comrade! Over here! This is Harry Shapiro -- the Volga Boatman of Barrack four! +Hey -- Comrade! Over here! This is Harry Shapiro -- the Volga Boatman of Barrack four! Lay off! The blonde is mine! +Let me go! Let me go! They'll shoot you, Animal! +It's chow, Animal! Chow! Who wants to eat? I just wanna get over there! +Who wants to eat? I just wanna get over there! No you don't! You don't want any broads with boots on! +No you don't! You don't want any broads with boots on! I don't care if they wear galoshes! +I don't care if they wear galoshes! You want Betty Grable! +You want Betty Grable! Let me go! +Let me go! Betty Grable! +Animal! When the war's over, remember I told you I'd fix you up with Betty Grable! Yeah? How you going to fix me up with Betty Grable? +Yeah? How you going to fix me up with Betty Grable? How? We go to California. I got a cousin that's working for the Los Angeles Gas Company. That's how we get the address, see? Isn't that clever? I take you up to her house and ring the doorbell and say, 'Congratulations, Miss Grable. We have voted you the girl we'd most like to be behind barbed wire with, and I'm here to present the award'. +How? We go to California. I got a cousin that's working for the Los Angeles Gas Company. That's how we get the address, see? Isn't that clever? I take you up to her house and ring the doorbell and say, 'Congratulations, Miss Grable. We have voted you the girl we'd most like to be behind barbed wire with, and I'm here to present the award'. What's the award? +What's the award? What d'ya think, jerko! You're the award! +What d'ya think, jerko! You're the award! Me? What if she don't want me? +Me? What if she don't want me? If she don't want you, she don't get anything. +If she don't want you, she don't get anything. You're teasing me again! +You're teasing me again! Let go, Animal! It's chow! We'll miss chow! +No, Animal. No? +No? No. Your eyeball goes. The top of your head. Gotta wind up with athlete's stomach. +Easy, Animal! Easy! Where'd that come from? +Don't you remember, Animal? A chicken lays those things. It's beautiful! You goin' to eat it all yourself? +Thanks. You're a real pal! What're we goin' to do with it? Plant it, Animal, and grow us a chicken for Christmas. +Ain't that too bad! Tomorrow he'll have to suck a raw egg! He don't have to worry. He'll trade the Krauts for a six-burner gas range. Maybe a deep freeze too. +Wunderbar! Isn't he wunderbar! He's the grrrrreatest! +Equipoise! Equipoise! What did I tell you, Animal? Come on, baby! Daddy's going to buy you a hunk of cheese! +Schnickelfritz! I told you Schnickelfritz! Why'd you make me bet on Equipoise! I clocked him this morning. He was running like a doll. +I clocked him this morning. He was running like a doll. You clocked him! Why don't I clock you? +Look at her! Isn't she beautiful! Married an orchestra leader! So what? There's other women! +So what? There's other women! Not for me! Betty! Betty! +Not for me! Betty! Betty! Cut it out. Animal! I'll fix you up with a couple of those Russian women! +Cut it out. Animal! I'll fix you up with a couple of those Russian women! You'll fix me up! +You'll fix me up! Sure, Animal! I'll get you over there! +Sure, Animal! I'll get you over there! How? Pinky Miller from Barrack 8 tried to get over there and they shot him in the leg! +How? Pinky Miller from Barrack 8 tried to get over there and they shot him in the leg! It takes a gimmick, Animal, and I figured us a little gimmick. +It takes a gimmick, Animal, and I figured us a little gimmick. You did? +You did? Sharp. Sometimes I'm so sharp it's frightening. +To the Brick Kremlin! She'll never forgive me! +She'll never forgive me! Bombs away! +Harry -- I'm blind! Blind? How stupid can you get, Animal? I drank the stuff myself. +What do those broads say? What do they always say? +What do they always say? That's what I wanna hear. +That's what I wanna hear. It's not good for you, Animal. +Hey! This is with a typewriter! It's from a finance company! So it is from the finance company. So it's better than no letter at all. So they want the third payment on the Plymouth. So they want the fourth, the fifth, the sixth and the seventh. So they want the Plymouth. +So it is from the finance company. So it's better than no letter at all. So they want the third payment on the Plymouth. So they want the fourth, the fifth, the sixth and the seventh. So they want the Plymouth. Sugar-lips Shapiro! Frightening, ain't it? +Sugar-lips Shapiro! Frightening, ain't it? This is a good one! Shut up, everybody! Listen to this! 'The President of the United States to Harry Shapiro. Greeting: Having submitted yourself to a local board, you are hereby notified to report...' What do you know! So now I'm a draft evader! +That Schulz pig. I'll get him yet. You hold him. I'll slug him. +Why don't we just look in those footlockers? Come on, you little stooge. Hand over them keys. +Grable, not Gable! Do Jimmy Durante! +Do Grable. Hey, here's Esther Williams. +There, Joey -- ain't that better than being a lawyer? Animal! Got a little something for you! +I'll open mine now. I'll open mine, too. +Come on, Animal -- let's trip the light fantastic! Let me alone. +Let me alone. You're crying, Animal. +You're crying, Animal. It's that song, Harry! +It's that song, Harry! You don't want to cry over a dame that doesn't even know you're alive! Snap out of it! +You don't want to cry over a dame that doesn't even know you're alive! Snap out of it! There's a time in every man's life when he wants to be alone! So go away! +May I have this dance, Miss? Why, sure! +But it's not just those legs. It's that nose of yours I'm crazy about. That cute little button of a nose! Hey, Animal! Animal! +Hey, Animal! Animal! I've been crazy about you for years. I've seen every picture you've ever made six times. I'd just sit there and never even open that popcorn bag. +I've been crazy about you for years. I've seen every picture you've ever made six times. I'd just sit there and never even open that popcorn bag. Animal! Animal! Wake up! +Betty! Betty! This is me, Animal! It's Harry Shapiro! +Let me do it, Hoffy. You want to go? +You want to go? No. I want to draw. +Sergeant Hoffman from Barrack 4. Yes, Sergeant Hoffman? +Yes, Sergeant Hoffman? As the duly elected Compound Chief, I protest the way these bodies are left lying in the mud. +As the duly elected Compound Chief, I protest the way these bodies are left lying in the mud. Anything else? +Anything else? Yes. According to the Geneva Convention, dead prisoners are to be given a decent burial. +Yes. According to the Geneva Convention, dead prisoners are to be given a decent burial. Of course. I'm aware of the Geneva Convention. They will be given the burial they deserve. Or perhaps you would suggest we haul in twenty-one cannons from the Eastern Front and give them a twenty-one gun salute? +Good evening, Sergeants. A bit dank in here, isn't it?... Where is the Baracken-Fuehrer? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. You have a Lieutenant here... +...a Lieutenant James Dunbar? Yes, sir. +Wait a minute. We have some rights here. Why is this man being taken out? Curtains would do wonders for this barrack. You will not get them. +Look -- if you don't like the way I'm handling this job -- Kill it, Duke. It's got us all spinning. +Don't worry. We'll take care of it. Take some men and get the antenna going. Let's see if we can catch the BBC. +You're wasting your time, Duke. Outside, everybody! Let's get it over with. Wait a second, Hoffy. Schulz says he's our best friend. Maybe he can give us a little hint. +Not yet. Answer the question. How do you rate all those privileges? +Cut the horseplay, Harry. What's the matter with you guys? And don't blame me if you all wind up in the cooler. +It's not Schulz. It's that stoolie. Whoever he is, he's sure batting a thousand. The guy I want to talk to is Sefton. Where's Sefton? You haven't seen Sefton, have you? +What are you going to do? I want everybody out of here. We'll need a lot of commotion on the compound. +I don't know what your scheme is, but it sounds crazy. Maybe it's crazy, but it's better than having Dunbar dead. +Maybe it's crazy, but it's better than having Dunbar dead. Just as you say, Hoffy. But wouldn't it be smarter if I went out and kept Schulz tied up? +Just as you say, Hoffy. But wouldn't it be smarter if I went out and kept Schulz tied up? Good. +What about Schulz? We'll take care of Schulz. Come on. +No volunteers, Price. I said we're all in on it. You have elected me Security. The way things have been going in this Barracks, I guess I've done a poor job and I want to make up for it. Is that asking too much? +We've all done a poor job of it. I still say this is my tag. Any objections, Hoffy? +I still say this is my tag. Any objections, Hoffy? Any objections, men? +What do you say, Hoffy. We'll hit the air raid trenches and cut out in back of Barracks nine. You'd better cut out in back of the south latrine. +You'd better cut out in back of the south latrine. Why the south latrine? +Why the south latrine? Because that's where he is. In the water tank. +Los, los. Dummkopf! Lay off, Schulz. He's got a sickness. He's krank. +Lay off, Schulz. He's got a sickness. He's krank. Sometimes I think he is fooling us with that crazy business. +Sometimes I think he is fooling us with that crazy business. Yeah? How would you like to see the guts of nine pals splattered all over your plane? C'mon Joey -- don't be afraid. +We know! We got them last year. Five minutes after the Geneva Man was gone, the blankets were gone. One more thing, gentlemen. The Kommandant told me to pick up the radio. +One more thing, gentlemen. The Kommandant told me to pick up the radio. What radio? +What radio? The one you are hiding in the barrack, don't you know? The one your friend without the leg is smuggling all over the compound. +You must get out. For your own good, you must get out. Come on, everybody! Let's go! +Stay out of it, Sefton. Just one question. Did you calculate the risk? +Anybody call? Go on, Sefton -- butt out! +If I were you, Sefton, I'd eat that egg some place else. Like for instance under the barrack. A little weak today. +If you can't get the BBC, how about getting Guy Lombardo? Are we boring you? +What's the big idea, Sefton? Take that telescope out of here. Says who? +Says who? Says me. +Says me. You take it out. Only you're going to have a riot on your hands. +You take it out. Only you're going to have a riot on your hands. Every time the men get Red Cross packages you have to think up an angle to rob them. +Lay off, Sefton. With your mother's pull, how come you're not a chicken colonel by now? +With your mother's pull, how come you're not a chicken colonel by now? Lay off, I said -- if you don't want your head handed to you. +What's the matter, boys? Is my slip showing? I'll say it is. You spilled a little borscht on it. +I'll say it is. You spilled a little borscht on it. Borscht? +What happened, Cookie? Who did it? We did it. +We did it. There better not be anything missing. This is private property. +What's it add up to you, Sefton? It adds up that you got yourselves the wrong guy. Because I'm telling you. The Krauts wouldn't plant two stoolies in one barrack. And whatever you do to me you're going to have to do all over again when you find the right guy. +You heard that, Sefton? Sure I heard it. I still got one good ear. +You'll stay in this barracks and not a peep out of you. Okay, then. Put a guard on me. I want you to put a guard on me. Because if anything goes wrong out there, this time you won't have a patsy. Right? +Okay, then. Put a guard on me. I want you to put a guard on me. Because if anything goes wrong out there, this time you won't have a patsy. Right? Right. +Right. So who stays with me? Maybe Joey? No -- not Joey. Wouldn't you feel safer with Security on the job? +So who stays with me? Maybe Joey? No -- not Joey. Wouldn't you feel safer with Security on the job? Okay, Price. You stay. +Two packs of cigarettes say Dunbar never gets out of the compound. You starting that again? +You starting that again? Anybody cover? +Hurry up on that trap. What are you trying to do, Sefton? Gum up the works? That's right. Or would you rather see Dunbar lying out there in the mud tomorrow morning like Manfredi and Johnson? +That's right. Or would you rather see Dunbar lying out there in the mud tomorrow morning like Manfredi and Johnson? Look, Sefton, I had my hands full so they wouldn't tear you apart -- +Look, Sefton, I had my hands full so they wouldn't tear you apart -- I called it the last time, didn't I? +How do they know? You told them, Hoffy. +You told them, Hoffy. Who did? +Who did? You did! +You did! You off your rocker? +You off your rocker? Uh-huh. Fell right on my head. Sprechen sie deutsch? +Go on. He's a Nazi, Price is. For all I know, his name is Preismaier or Preissinger. Sure, he lived in Cleveland, but when the war broke out he came back to the Fatherland like a good little Bundist. He spoke our lingo so they put him through spy school, gave him phony dogtags -- +What are we going to do with him? Don't you know? Because I got my own ideas. Let's have that civilian stuff. +You taking Dunbar? You betcha. There ought to be some reward money from Mama. Say ten thousand bucks worth. +I told you boys I'm no escape artist, but for the first time, I like the odds. Because now I got me a decoy. What's the decoy? +What's the decoy? Price. When I go I want you to give me five minutes. Exactly five minutes to get Dunbar out of that water tank. Then you throw Price out into the compound, nice and loud. He'll draw every light from every goon tower. It's our only chance to cut through. What do you say, Barracks' Chief? +Price. When I go I want you to give me five minutes. Exactly five minutes to get Dunbar out of that water tank. Then you throw Price out into the compound, nice and loud. He'll draw every light from every goon tower. It's our only chance to cut through. What do you say, Barracks' Chief? Shoot! +You could use a new one yourself. Let's synchronize the watches. Eleven forty-two, sharp. +Let's synchronize the watches. Eleven forty-two, sharp. Check. +Today's Camp News! Father Murray announces that due to local regulations the Christmas midnight Mass will be held at seven in the morning! You can tell Father Murray to -- +You can tell Father Murray to -- At ease! He also says, quote: All you sack rats better show up for the services and no bull from anybody. Unquote. At ease! Monday afternoon a sailboat race will be held at the cesspool. See Oscar Rudolph of Barrack 7 if you want to enter a yacht. Next: Jack Cushingham and Larry Blake will play Frank deNotta and Mike Cohen for the pinochle championship of the camp. +Pirelli. Coleman. Agnew. Shapiro. Nothing for Kuzawa? +Nothing for Kuzawa? Shapiro. Shapiro. +Shapiro. Shapiro. Just what makes you so popular? +Yeah? Give this to Joey, will you? +Give this to Joey, will you? Oh. +Now you've done it. You've given me nervous indigestion. Anything else bothering you, boys? Just one little thing. How come you were so sure Manfredi and Johnson wouldn't get out of the forest? +Just one little thing. How come you were so sure Manfredi and Johnson wouldn't get out of the forest? I wasn't so sure. I just liked the odds. +And what's that crack supposed to mean? They're lying dead in the mud out there and I'm trying to find out how come. +They're lying dead in the mud out there and I'm trying to find out how come. I'll tell you how come. The Barrack Chief gave them the green light. And you, our Security Officer, said it'd be safe. That's how come. +When the Krauts find that gadget they'll throw us all in the boob. They know about that gadget. I'd worry more about the radio. +So was the radio private property. So was Manfredi and Johnson. What about the radio? +Or how about a game of pinochle? No, you're not a pinochle man. You're a chess player. I haven't played since I was a kid. Let's see -- -- a pawn moves this way, doesn't it? And a bishop this way? And the queen -- every which way, doesn't it? Suppose you just sit down and keep your mouth shut. +Suppose you just sit down and keep your mouth shut. I went to school with a guy named Price. But that was in Boston. You're from Cleveland, aren't you. +I went to school with a guy named Price. But that was in Boston. You're from Cleveland, aren't you. Yes, I'm from Cleveland. +Yes, I'm from Cleveland. I thought that's what you said. You're from Cleveland. And you were with the Thirty-sixth Bomb Group? +I thought that's what you said. You're from Cleveland. And you were with the Thirty-sixth Bomb Group? Thirty-fifth. +Thirty-fifth. Three hundred and sixty-fifth Bomb Squadron? Out of Chelveston? +Three hundred and sixty-fifth Bomb Squadron? Out of Chelveston? Are you questioning me? +Are you questioning me? Just getting acquainted. Trying to make one friend in this barracks. +Just getting acquainted. Trying to make one friend in this barracks. Don't bother, Sefton. I don't like you. I never did and I never will. +Don't bother, Sefton. I don't like you. I never did and I never will. A lot of people say that and the first thing you know is they get married and live happily ever after. I wonder what they're trying to pull out there? +Ach so! What did you say? +What did you say? Amazing, what you can do with five thousand ping-pong balls, isn't it? +Stop that, will you! Those idiots! So they sprang Dunbar! So what good is it? He's still in the compound, isn't he? How long can he last? Where can they hide him? Where. Up Joey's ocarina. Didn't you know? +Are we going to stand around here and listen to him until the Germans find out where Dunbar is? The Germans know where Dunbar is. +No. I don't sprechen sie deutsch. Maybe just one word? Kaput? Because you're kaput, Price. +Maybe just one word? Kaput? Because you're kaput, Price. Will you get this guy out of my hair so I can go? +Will you get this guy out of my hair so I can go? Go where? To the Kommandant's office and tell him where Dunbar is? +Go where? To the Kommandant's office and tell him where Dunbar is? I'll kill you for that! +I'll kill you for that! Shut up! Security Officer, eh? Screening everybody, only who screened you? Great American hero. From Cleveland, Ohio! Enlisted right after Pearl Harbor! When was Pearl Harbor, Price? Or, don't you know? +Shut up! Security Officer, eh? Screening everybody, only who screened you? Great American hero. From Cleveland, Ohio! Enlisted right after Pearl Harbor! When was Pearl Harbor, Price? Or, don't you know? December seventh, forty-one. +December seventh, forty-one. What time? +What time? Six o'clock. I was having dinner. +Six o'clock. I was having dinner. Six o'clock in Berlin. They were having lunch in Cleveland. Am I boring you, boys? +The what? The one you took out of the corner of your bunk and put in this pocket. +Say, Schulz -- you guys had machine gun practice last night? Ach, terrible! Such foolish boys. Such nice boys. I'd better not talk about it. It makes me sick to my stomach. +Let us see. We have now two empty bunks here. Nummer einundsiebzig und Nummer dreiundsiebzig in Baracke vier. Suppose you let those mattresses cool off a little -- just out of decency? +Suppose you let those mattresses cool off a little -- just out of decency? Ja, ja, gewiss! It is only that we are cramped for space with new prisoners every day. Gentlemen! Outside! Please! Do you want me to have trouble with the Kommandant again! +Which one of us is the informer? You are trying to say that an American would inform on other Americans? +Schulz, you're off your nut! Give me the radio. +Give me the radio. We have no radio. +We have no radio. All right, gentlemen, I will find it myself. Now let's see. +Nun? Was ist? Haben Sie's herausgefunden? Ich weiss alles. +Ich weiss alles. Wie hat er's gemacht? +Wie hat er's gemacht? Ganz einfach... Streichhoelzer... und eine Zigarette... +Good morning, Sefton. Good morning, Schulz. And how's Mrs. Schulz? And all the little Schulzes? +Good morning, Schulz. And how's Mrs. Schulz? And all the little Schulzes? Fine -- fine! +No use, Schulz. You might as well come clean. Why don't you just tell 'em it's me. Because I'm really the illegitimate son of Hitler. And after the Germans win the war you'll make me the Gauleiter of Zinzinnati. You Americans! You are the craziest people! That's why I like you! I wish I could invite you all to my house for a nice German Christmas! +Du lieber Gott! How do you look? You had a fight? How would you like to give Frau Schulz a pair of silk stockings for Christmas? +How would you like to give Frau Schulz a pair of silk stockings for Christmas? You should go and see the doctor. Maybe I can -- Silk stockings? +You should go and see the doctor. Maybe I can -- Silk stockings? Here. Take them. +Wunderbar! Maybe they are too wunderbar for my wife. But there is a piano teacher in the village -- And how about three hundred cigarettes for yourself? +Three hundred cigarettes! What is it you want from me? Who's the guy, Schulz? +Who's the guy, Schulz? What guy? +What guy? The one you work with. Who is he? How do you do it? +The one you work with. Who is he? How do you do it? I do not want those cigarettes. +I do not want those cigarettes. Yes, you do! +I'll make it five hundred! No! No! +You'd better talk, Schulz, because I'm going to find out with you or without you. Because I won't let go for a second. Because they'll have to kill me to stop me. So talk! Talk what? I do not know anything! +Talk what? I do not know anything! How many do you want? A thousand? +What's the matter with you? You want to be killed? Not particularly. +Hey, Schulz -- as long as you're going to move somebody in -- how about a couple of those Russian broads? Russian women prisoners? +Just get us a couple with big Glockenspiels. Ja! Ja! Droppen Sie dead! +Did I interrupt something, gentlemen? Yeah. We were just passing out guns. +Yeah. We were just passing out guns. Always joking. Always making wisecrackers! +This is me in Cincinnati. Who's the other wrestler? The one with the mustache? +Who's the other wrestler? The one with the mustache? That is my wife. +That is my wife. Look at all that meat. Isn't she the bitter end! +Look at all that meat. Isn't she the bitter end! Give it back. You must not arouse yourselves. +All right, gentlemen! We will now all go outside for a little gymnastic and take some shovels and undig the tunnel which you digged. Why don't we just plug up that tunnel -- with the Kommandant on one end and you on the other. +Why don't we just plug up that tunnel -- with the Kommandant on one end and you on the other. It is not me. It is the orders. I am your friend. I am your best friend here. +Gentlemen, tomorrow morning the Geneva Man is coming to inspect the camp whether we are living up to the International Convention. I am sure he will find we are treating you very well. You must not run around in your underwear. And take off the wash. The Kommandant wants all the barracks to be spic and also span. We'll put pink ribbons on the bedbugs. +We'll put pink ribbons on the bedbugs. The Kommandant also sends you clean blankets. He wants every man to have a new, clean blanket. +My grandmother's ear-muffs. Look at them, Lieutenant. Everybody is a clown! How do you expect to win the war with an army of clowns? +From a chicken, bug-wit. A chicken? +Is it all right if we smell it? Just don't drool on it. +That wouldn't be the cigarettes you took us for last night? What was I going to do with them? I only smoke cigars. +You must have been some tail gunner! Go ahead, Cookie. Come on, let's get that mail. Anything for Stanislaus Kuzawa? +Have a nice time over there? Oh! Somebody was peeking! +So you're stuck with me, eh? Maybe those Russian dames would take him. +You heard him. Okay, Herr Preismaier, let's have the mail box. +You're not disposing of those Russian broads? Tell you what to do. First, get yourself a hundred cigarettes for the Kraut guards. Then get yourself another face. +Toh-pak-cha=8A HoS qorDu. +The Captain would make a much more valuable hostage. We'll consider it a prisoner exchange. +It's working. Where is he? +I thought he was the Chief Engineer. He is. +He is. Then when is he going to Engineering? +Where is he now? I don't know. He bathed, now he is roaming the ship. He must be the only Engineer in Starfleet who does not go to Engineering! +Target their Bridge. Full disruptors. +Actually, Captain, your precise target area was thirty-five meters that way. Thanks for pointing that out. +Tomorrow I want to make a tri-elliptical jump. That's where you jump out over Northern China and make three complete orbits before you start re-entry. Captain. Perhaps you have forgotten that tomorrow is the christening ceremony. +Captain=8A I don't want to hear anymore about it. I'm not going, and that's final. +But that wasn't so long ago. It couldn't have been more than... Twelve years, sir. +Twelve years, sir. Yes, well, congratulations, Ensign. It wouldn't be the Enterprise without a Sulu at the helm. +According to our information, the ribbon is a conflux of temporal energy which travels through our galaxy every 39.1 years When is it expected back? +Data? Sorry, Captain. The ribbon has already entered the galaxy. It will pass through this sector in approximately thirty-one hours. +Guinan said Soran was trying to get back to the ribbon. If that's true, then there must be some connection with the Amargosa star. The star's destruction has had numerous astro-physical effects within this sector. However, none of them appear to have a connection to the energy ribbon. +The star's destruction has had numerous astro-physical effects within this sector. However, none of them appear to have a connection to the energy ribbon. Give me a list of those effects. I want to know every single thing which has been altered or changed, no matter how insignificant. +Give me a list of those effects. I want to know every single thing which has been altered or changed, no matter how insignificant. It will take a few moments for the computer to compile the information. +Data, are you all right? No, sir. I am finding it difficult to concentrate. I believe I am overwhelmed with feelings of remorse and regret concerning my actions on the observatory. +No, sir. I am finding it difficult to concentrate. I believe I am overwhelmed with feelings of remorse and regret concerning my actions on the observatory. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I wanted to save Geordi. I tried. But I experienced something I did not expect. I believe it was fear. +Fear is a very difficult emotion to overcome. It's something we all have to learn to deal with. But I did not deal with it, sir. I let it prevent me from helping my friend. Does that make me a coward? +But I did not deal with it, sir. I let it prevent me from helping my friend. Does that make me a coward? No. And what you must try to avoid is becoming consumed by another emotion which I believe you're beginning to experience: guilt. +No. And what you must try to avoid is becoming consumed by another emotion which I believe you're beginning to experience: guilt. Guilt. It is a most unpleasant feeling. +According to our current information, the destruction of the Amargosa star has had the following effects in this sector: gamma emissions have increased by .05 percent, the starship Bozeman was forced to make a course correction, a research project on Gorik IV was halted due to increased neutrino particles, ambient magnetic fields have decreased by- Wait. The Bozeman,why did it change course? +Wait. The Bozeman,why did it change course? The destruction of the Amargosa star has altered the gravitational forces throughout the sector. Any ship passing through this region will have to make a minor course correction. +This is its current position. Can you project its course? +Courage is an emotion too, Data. Now, can you project the course of the ribbon? I believe so. +Now, you said the gravitational forces in this sector have been altered, could that also affect the course of the ribbon? I believe so. +He can't go to the ribbon, so he's trying to make the ribbon come to him. Data, is it going to pass near any M-Class planets? Yes, sir. There are two in the Veridian system. +That's where he's going. It should be noted, sir, that the collapse of the Veridian star would produce a shock wave similar to the one we observed at Amargosa. +It should be noted, sir, that the collapse of the Veridian star would produce a shock wave similar to the one we observed at Amargosa. And destroy every planet in the system. +Are any of them inhabited? Veridian III is uninhabited, but Veridian IV supports a pre-industrial humanoid society. +Veridian III is uninhabited, but Veridian IV supports a pre-industrial humanoid society. Population? +Population? Approximately two hundred thirty million. +"""Lifeforms tiny little lifeforms. Where are the lifeforms-""" Commander. +Commander. Sorry, sir. There is too much interference in the planet's ionosphere for an accurate reading. +Approximately forty-seven minutes, sir. I have to find a way to get to Soran. +Is she still angry? No, but I'd stay out of Sickbay for a while if I were you. I still don't know why you dropped her in the water. +No, but I'd stay out of Sickbay for a while if I were you. I still don't know why you dropped her in the water. I was attempting to get in the spirit of things. I thought it would be humorous. +Data, you're not thinking about using that thing are you? It has occurred to me on several occasions. But I believe this may be the appropriate time. +It has occurred to me on several occasions. But I believe this may be the appropriate time. Wait a minute. I thought you've always been afraid it would overload your neural net. +Wait a minute. I thought you've always been afraid it would overload your neural net. "That is true. However, I believe my growth as an artificial lifeform has reached an impasse. For thirty-four years I have endeavored to become more ""human""- to grow beyond my original programming. And yet I am still unable to grasp such a simple concept as humor. This emotion chip is the only answer." +But at the first sign of trouble, I'm going to deactivate it. Agreed? Agreed. +Well? I believe the beverage has provoked an emotional response. +I believe the beverage has provoked an emotional response. Really? What do you feel? +Really? What do you feel? I am uncertain. I have had little experience with emotions. I am unable to articulate the sensation. +I get it. I get it. You get what? +What? During the Farpoint mission. We were on the Bridge and you told a joke. That was the punchline. +During the Farpoint mission. We were on the Bridge and you told a joke. That was the punchline. The Farpoint mission? Data, that was seven years ago. +The Farpoint mission? Data, that was seven years ago. I know. I just got it. It was very funny. +I know. I just got it. It was very funny. Thanks. +I don't see a control panel, or an access port. It appears to be a magnetically sealed. +Data, this isn't the time. I am sorry, but I cannot stop myself. I think something is wrong +Data, are you all right? I believe the emotional chip has overloaded my positronic relays. +I believe the emotional chip has overloaded my positronic relays. We better get you back to the ship La Forge to Enterprise. +That's it, Bridge- we're all out! One minute to warp core breach. +Sensors show five life signs aboard the station, Captain. The station complement was nineteen. +Looks like you're stuck with emotions for a while. How do you feel? I am quite...preoccupied with concern about Geordi. +I am quite...preoccupied with concern about Geordi. We all are, Data. But we're going to get him back. +We all are, Data. But we're going to get him back. I hope so, sir. +Could we access the defective coil and trigger their cloak? Perhaps. Yes! If we sent a low-level ionic pulse, it might reset the coil and engage the cloaking systems. +I have rerouted auxiliary power to the lateral thrusters- attempting to level our descent. All hands, brace for impact! +Can you locate them? The ships are bearing at 3-1-0 mark 2-1-5. Distance: three light years. +The ships are bearing at 3-1-0 mark 2-1-5. Distance: three light years. Signal the closest starship. We're in no condition to mount a rescue. We don't even have a full crew aboard. +We're within visual range of the energy distortion, Captain. On screen. +We're within range, sir. Beam them directly to Sickbay. +Deck 15, section 21-alpha. I'll go. You have the Bridge. +You did it, Kirk! Damage report, Ensign. There's some buckling on the starboard nacelle. We've also got a hull breach in the Engineering section. Emergency forcefields are in place and holding. +Do you remember him? Oh yes. I remember everyone who was on the Lakul, every face. Even the ones who didn't make it. +Guinan. It's important that you tell me what you know. We think Soran's developed a weapon...a terrible weapon. It might give him enough power to- Soran doesn't care about power or weapons. All he cares about is getting back to the Nexus. +Soran doesn't care about power or weapons. All he cares about is getting back to the Nexus. "What's the ""Nexus""?" +That ribbon isn't just some random energy phenomenon travelling through space. It's a doorway. It leads to another place- the Nexus. It doesn't exist in our universe and it doesn't play by the same rules either. What happened to you? +What happened to you? I can't remember very much - what it looked like or how long I was there. But I do remember how it felt. +It took a long time, but eventually I learned to live with it. And I began to realize that my experience in the Nexus had changed me. I knew things about people, about events, about time. "Your ""sixth sense""- I've always wondered where it came from. And what about Soran?" +"Your ""sixth sense""- I've always wondered where it came from. And what about Soran?" Soran may still be obsessed with getting back. And if he is, he'll do anything to find that doorway again. +Soran may still be obsessed with getting back. And if he is, he'll do anything to find that doorway again. But why destroy a star? Thank you, Guinan. +Guinan, what's going on? Where am I? You're in the Nexus. +This is the Nexus? For you. This is where you wanted to be. +For you. This is where you wanted to be. But I never had a wife, children, a home like this. +But I never had a wife, children, a home like this. Enjoy them, Jean-Luc. +Guinan, what are you doing here? I thought you were on the Enterprise. "I am on the Enterprise. I am also here. Think of me as an ""echo"" of the person you know. A part she left behind." +"I am on the Enterprise. I am also here. Think of me as an ""echo"" of the person you know. A part she left behind." Left behind? +Left behind? When the Enterprise-B beamed us off the Lakul, we were partially in the Nexus. The transporters locked on to us, but somehow everyone left a part of themselves behind. +When the Enterprise-B beamed us off the Lakul, we were partially in the Nexus. The transporters locked on to us, but somehow everyone left a part of themselves behind. Soran? +Soran? All of us. +All of us. Where is he now? +Where is he now? Wherever he wanted to be. +These are my children...my children. Yeah. They're great, aren't they? You can go back and see them born, go forward and see your grandchildren. Time has no meaning here. +Guinan, can I leave the Nexus? Why would you want to leave? +Why would you want to leave? Can I? +Can I? Yes, where would you go? +Yes, where would you go? I don't understand. +I don't understand. I told you, time has no meaning here. If you leave, you can go anywhere, any time. +I know exactly where I want to go, and when. Back to that mountaintop on Veridian III, before Soran put out the star. I have to stop him. What makes you think things will be any different this time? +What makes you think things will be any different this time? You're right. I'll need help. Guinan, will you come back with me? Together, we could- +You're right. I'll need help. Guinan, will you come back with me? Together, we could- I can't leave. I'm already there, remember? +I'm Captain John Harriman. I'd like to welcome you all aboard. It's our pleasure. +Well, may we have a look around? Please, please. +Excuse me, gentlemen, if you'll take your seats. Oh, of course. +Prepare to leave spacedock. Aft thrusters ahead one quarter, port and starboard at station keeping. Captain Kirk, I'd be honored if you would give the order to get underway. No, no. Thank you. +No, no. Thank you. Please, I insist. +We don't have a tractor beam. You left spacedock without a tractor beam? +You left spacedock without a tractor beam? It won't be installed until Tuesday. Ensign Sulu, try generating a subspace field around the ships. That might break them free. +What about the gravimetric distortions? They'll tear us apart. Risk is part of the game if you want to sit in that chair. +Beautiful day, isn't it? Yes, yes, it is. +This clock, I gave this clock to Bones. I'm from what you would consider the future; the 24th-century. +So you're telling me this is the 24th-century, and I'm dead? Not exactly. As I said, this is some kind of- +Not exactly. As I said, this is some kind of- Temporal nexus, yeah, I heard you. Something's missing. +You said history considers me dead. Who am I to argue with history? You're a Starfleet officer and you have a duty to- +You're a Starfleet officer and you have a duty to- I don't need to be lectured by you. I was out saving the galaxy when your grandfather was still in diapers. And frankly, I think the galaxy owes me one I was like you once- so worried about duty and obligations that I couldn't see anything past this uniform. And in the end, what did it get me? Nothing. Not this time. +No, no, it's not. It's better. Better? +Better? This is my uncle's barn in Iowa. +Antonia? She's not real either, is she? Nothing here is. Nothing here matters. +Captain of the Enterprise, huh? That's right. +That's right. Close to retirement? +Close to retirement? I hadn't planned on it. +How can I argue with the captain of the Enterprise? What was the name of that planet=8A Veridian III? That's right. +That's right. I take it the odds are against us and the situation is grim? +I take it the odds are against us and the situation is grim? You could say that. +You could say that. Of course, if Spock were here, he'd say I was being an irrational, illogical human for wanting to go on a mission like that. +I'll find a way to contact the Enterprise. You're going to be all right. Did we do it? Did we make a difference? +Did we do it? Did we make a difference? Yes. Thank you. +Yes. Thank you. Least I could do for a captain of the Enterprise. +Oh I've warned ye about that back of yours. You should have a doctor take a look at it. +I'm not going Scotty, help me with this chute. What do you mean, you're not going? We promised. +What do you mean, you're not going? We promised. When I retired, I swore I'd never set foot on a starship again, and I meant it. +You know, Scotty, it amazes me. And what would that be, sir? +And what would that be, sir? Sulu. When did he find the time for a family? +Sulu. When did he find the time for a family? It's like you always said- if something's important enough, you make the time. +Their life signs are are phasing in and out of our space-time continuum. Phasing? To where? +The first thing you learn as captain is how to cheat death. Scotty? There's just no way to disrupt a gravimetric field of this magnitude! +But I do have a theory... I thought you might. +I thought you might. An anti-matter discharge directly ahead=8A it might disrupt the field long enough for us to break away. +An anti-matter discharge directly ahead=8A it might disrupt the field long enough for us to break away. A photon torpedo? +A photon torpedo? Aye. +Aye. Load torpedo bays, prepare to fire on my command. +Captain, it may be possible to simulate a torpedo blast using a resonance burst from the main deflector dish. Where are the deflector relays? +Keep her together until I get back. I always do. +Kirk here. Captain, I don't know how much longer I can hold her together! +A remarkable piece of equipment, but a little inelegant, wouldn't you say? Have you ever considered a prosthesis that would make you look a little more...normal? What's normal? +What's normal? Normal is what everyone else is, and what you are not. +Normal is what everyone else is, and what you are not. What do you want? +I don't want a science lecture. You were on that observatory looking for trilithium. Why? I was ordered to by the Captain. +Let's try to move beyond the usual prisoner-interrogator banter, shall we? You have information and I need it. Did the Captain explain his orders to you? Did he say why you were searching for trilithium? No. +No. What about Guinan? What has she told you about me? +What about Guinan? What has she told you about me? Guinan? I don't know what you're talking about. +Oh, I forgot to tell you. While you were unconscious, I injected a nano-probe into your bloodstream. It's been navigating your cardiovascular system, and right now I've attached it to your left ventricle. A little trick I picked up from the Borg. Yeah, they're full of great ideas. +Yeah, they're full of great ideas. I just stopped your heart for five seconds. It felt like an eternity, didn't it? Did you know that you can stop the human heart for up to ten minutes before the onset of brain damage? +I just stopped your heart for five seconds. It felt like an eternity, didn't it? Did you know that you can stop the human heart for up to ten minutes before the onset of brain damage? No, I didn't know that. +No, I didn't know that. We learn something new about ourselves every day. Now. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. It is very important that you tell me exactly what Captain Picard knows. +We learn something new about ourselves every day. Now. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. It is very important that you tell me exactly what Captain Picard knows. I told you everything. You might as well just kill me right now. +Don't you think you're taking this a little too far, Number One? When we went to ancient Rome for Deanna's promotion, we threw her to the lions, remember? +Well, now that we're all aboard=8A Number One, bring the ship before the wind. Let's see what's out there. Aye, aye, sir. Take the wheel, Commander. +Imagine what it was like, Will. No engines, no computers, just the wind, the sea and the stars to guide you. Bad food, brutal discipline. No women. +Sir? Make it so. +There's still no indication of why they attacked the station? We think they were looking for something- they practically tore the place apart. +We think they were looking for something- they practically tore the place apart. Hmm, Inform Starfleet Command. This could indicate a new Romulan threat in this sector. +Hmm, Inform Starfleet Command. This could indicate a new Romulan threat in this sector. You want me to contact Starfleet? +You want me to contact Starfleet? Is there a problem? +Is there a problem? No, sir. +No, sir. Thank you, Number One. +There is something else, Captain. One of the scientists, a Doctor Soran,has insisted on speaking with you. I told him you were busy, sir, but he said it was absolutely imperative that he speak with you right away. Understood. That will be all. +Understood. That will be all. Sir, is there anything wrong? +Sir, is there anything wrong? No. Thank you. +Report. A quantum implosion has occurred within the Amargosa star. All nuclearfusion is breaking down. +A quantum implosion has occurred within the Amargosa star. All nuclearfusion is breaking down. How is that possible? +Maybe they're not out there. They're just trying to decide whether a twenty year-old Klingon Bird of Prey is any match for the Federation flagship. +That's a pretty big margin of error. Too big. How long until the ribbon arrives? +I always thought I'd have a crack at this chair one day. You may still. Somehow I doubt this will be the last ship to carry the name Enterprise. +Captain, are you all right? Yes. Fine. If you'll excuse me. +Counselor. What can I do for you? Actually, I'm here to see if there's anything I can do for you. +Actually, I'm here to see if there's anything I can do for you. Well, I appreciate your concern, but I'd rather not discuss it right now, thank you. +I'm afraid I can't just leave it at that. The commanding officer of this ship is clearly distraught about something. As ship's counselor, it's my duty to- As ship's counselor, it's your duty to know not only when you're needed but also when you're not. +As ship's counselor, it's your duty to know not only when you're needed but also when you're not. You can't fool an empath, Captain. I know exactly when I'm needed. +Well, with all due respect to your Betazoid senses, I prefer to be alone right now. "Very well. I suppose I could make out my weekly report to Starfleet Command without your input. ""Admiral Lusby, regarding the unusual behavior of Jean-Luc Picard: I find him increasingly irritable, remote and uncooperative. I recommend forced shore leave at a Starbase facility in order to-""" +"Very well. I suppose I could make out my weekly report to Starfleet Command without your input. ""Admiral Lusby, regarding the unusual behavior of Jean-Luc Picard: I find him increasingly irritable, remote and uncooperative. I recommend forced shore leave at a Starbase facility in order to-""" All right, all right. You've made your point. +Captain, Im sorry. I know there were a lot of unresolved conflicts between you and your brother. What I can't get out of my mind is the image of Rene- my nephew. I just can't believe he's gone. +It's only natural to feel a heightened sense of tragedy when a child dies. But it goes deeper than that, doesn't it? I can sense that Rene meant a great deal to you. In a way, he was as close as I ever came to having a child of my own. +Your family history is very important to you, isn't it? Ever since I was a little boy, I remember hearing about the family line. The Picards that fought at Trafalgar, the Picards that settled the first Martian colony. When my brother married and had a son... +You felt it was no longer your responsibility to carry on the family line. My brother had shouldered that burden, allowing me to pursue my own selfish needs. +My brother had shouldered that burden, allowing me to pursue my own selfish needs. There's nothing selfish about pursuing your own life, your own career. +Or perhaps they're on the surface. Mr. Data, scan the planet for lifeforms. +Doctor Soran? Yes, yes, Captain. Thank you for coming. +Nothing for me. I understand there's something urgent you need to discuss with me. Yes. I need to return to the observatory immediately. I must continue a critical experiment I was running on the Amargosa star. +Doctor, we're still conducting an investigation into the attack. Once we've completed our work, we'll be happy to allow you and your fellow scientists back aboard the observatory. Until then- The timing is very important on my experiment- if it is not completed within the next twelve hours, years of research will be lost. +The timing is very important on my experiment- if it is not completed within the next twelve hours, years of research will be lost. We're doing the best we can. Now if you'll excuse me... +You must think I'm quite the madman. The thought had crossed my mind. +The thought had crossed my mind. The only possible reason you're here is because you're not entirely confident you can shoot down my probe after all. So you've come to dissuade me from my horrific plan. Good luck. +I've spent eighty years looking for another way, Captain. This is the only one. Of course, you could always come with me. You fancy yourself an explorer. Here's a chance to explore something no human has ever experienced. Not if it means killing over two hundred million people. I wonder, did your wife Leandra know that she married a man who was capable of mass murder? +We're all mortal, Soran. It's one of the truths of ou existence. What if I told you I found a new truth? +What if I told you I found a new truth? The Nexus. +The Nexus. Time has no meaning there. The predator has no teeth. +Careful, Captain. That's a fifty gigawatt forcefield. I wouldn't want to see you get hurt. Thank you. +The royal...studs? You see the top yardarm, now look to the- +It looks like we're too late. There are no other ships in the system. +These blast patterns are consistent with Type III disruptors. Well, that narrows it to Klingon, Breen or Romulan. +One of the dead Romulans had a tricorder. We analyzed its sensor logs and found they were scanning for signature particles of a compound called trilithium. Trilithium? +Trilithium? An experimental compound the Romulans have been working on. In theory, a trilithium-based explosive would be thousands of times more powerful than an anti-matter weapon. But they never found a way to stabilize it. +An experimental compound the Romulans have been working on. In theory, a trilithium-based explosive would be thousands of times more powerful than an anti-matter weapon. But they never found a way to stabilize it. Why were they looking for it on a Federation observatory? It doesn't make any sense. +Have Geordi and Data go over with the next Away Team. Tell them to scan the observatory for trilithium. Aye, sir. +Sensor records show a solar probe was launched from the observatory a few moments ago. The star's going to collapse in a matter of minutes. +I have spoken to the Klingon High Council, sir. They identified the Bird of Prey as belonging to the Duras sisters. Lursa and B'Etor? This doesn't make any sense. A renowned stellar physicist somehow uses a trilithium probe to destroy a star, kidnaps Geordi and escapes with a pair of Klingon renegades. Why? What the hell's going on? +They have found a way to penetrate our shields. Lock phasers and return fire! +It is a Class D-12 Bird of Prey. They were retired from service because of defective plasma coils. Plasma coils...is there any way we can use that to our advantage? +Plasma coils...is there any way we can use that to our advantage? I do not see how. The plasma coil is part of their cloaking device. +As their cloak begins to engage, their shields will drop. Right. And they'll be vulnerable for at least two seconds. Data,lock onto that plasma coil. +Worf, prepare a spread of photon torpedoes. We'll have to hit them the instant they begin to cloak. Aye, sir. +Aye, sir. We're only going to get one shot at this. Target their primary reactor. With any luck, their warp core should implode. +Status! All automates ready and functioning. Automatic moorings retracted. All speeds available through transwarp drive. +All automates ready and functioning. Automatic moorings retracted. All speeds available through transwarp drive. Incredible machine. Helmsman, one-quarter impulse power. +Enterprise maintaining full impulse power... And we are gaining... Stand by, tractor beam! +And we are gaining... Stand by, tractor beam! Tractor beam, aye! +Tractor beam, aye! If he tries to get away with Warp Drive, he's really in for a shock... +Transwarp at your command, Sir! Execute! +Steady... Steady, boys. Keep scanning... I thought you people were reliable... Where the hell is he! He has been here for some time. I can feel his presence. +He has been here for some time. I can feel his presence. Don't give me your Klingon mumbo- jumbo -- there ain't another vessel in this whole damn quadrant. +Don't give me your Klingon mumbo- jumbo -- there ain't another vessel in this whole damn quadrant. Put me on the hailing frequency. +Put me on the hailing frequency. Sure - whatever games you wanna play. +What's going on? When do we get paid off...? Soon, Captain... Quite soon. +Mr. Chekov -- ? "An energy reading from 'C"" deck -- from inside Mr. Spock's quarters..." +"An energy reading from 'C"" deck -- from inside Mr. Spock's quarters..." Mr. Chekov, I ordered Spock's quarters sealed! +Mr. Chekov, I ordered Spock's quarters sealed! Yes, sir, I sealed the room myself. Nevertheless -- I am reading a life form there. +Will we get another ship? I can't get an answer. Starfleet is up to its brass in galactic conference. No one has time for those who only stand... and wait. +Shall I alert Dr. McCoy? Yes. He has a long journey ahead. +Unit two, this is One. The Kobayashi Maru has set sail for the promised land. Acknowledge. Message acknowledged. All units will be informed. +Calm yourself, Bones. Sir. Commander, Starfleet on emergency channel. He orders you to surrender this vessel. +Sir. Commander, Starfleet on emergency channel. He orders you to surrender this vessel. No reply, Chekov... Continue on course... +Excelsior closing to 4,000 meters, sir. Mr. Scott, we need everything you've got now. +You did great, Bones... Just great. Sir, Starfleet calling Grissom again. A warning about us. +Sir, Starfleet calling Grissom again. A warning about us. Response? +Response? Nothing. As before. +Nothing. As before. What's Grissom up to?... Will they join us, or fire on us...? Chekov, break radio silence. Send my compliments to Captain Esteban. +What's Grissom up to?... Will they join us, or fire on us...? Chekov, break radio silence. Send my compliments to Captain Esteban. Aye, sir. +Admiral, there is no response from the Grissom on any channel. Keep trying, Chekov. At regular intervals. +Still no response, sir. Bones... Can you give me a quadrant bi-scan? +I'd swear something was there sir, but I might have imagined it. What did you see, Chekov? +What did you see, Chekov? For an instant... A scout class vessel. +For an instant... A scout class vessel. Could be Grissom. Patch in the hailing frequency. U.S.S. Grissom, this is Enterprise calling. Come in, please. +Nothing on my scanner, sir. Short range scan, Mr. Chekov... On screen, Mr. Sulu. +Sir, the shields... Non- responsive. Scotty...? +Aye sir, coding now. Dr. Marcus, it's your planet. +Do you wish to advise Starfleet, sir? Wait a minute...! We don't know what we're talking about here... +Sir... Something's jamming our transmission. An energy surge. Locate. +Locate. Surge from astern, sir. Aft quarter! +Surge from astern, sir. Aft quarter! On screen. +Could it be Spock's? It has to be. Gravitational fields were in flux... It must have soft landed...! +It has to be. Gravitational fields were in flux... It must have soft landed...! In code to STARFLEET... Captain's Spock's tube located intact on Genesis surface. Will relay more data on subsequent orbits. +I don't believe it... What is it? +Why don't we beam it up? "Oh no you don't! Regulations specifically state: ""nothing shall be beamed aboard until danger of contamination has been eliminated."" Can you guarantee that?" +"Oh no you don't! Regulations specifically state: ""nothing shall be beamed aboard until danger of contamination has been eliminated."" Can you guarantee that?" Not from here, no. +All right -- get your gear. I'll put you down next time around. Thank you... Sir! +Hello, sir. It's David. David... Sorry I'm late. +David... Sorry I'm late. It's okay -- I should have known you'd come... Saavik's right: this planet is unstable. It's going to destroy itself in a matter of hours. +It's okay -- I should have known you'd come... Saavik's right: this planet is unstable. It's going to destroy itself in a matter of hours. David!... What went wrong? +David!... What went wrong? I went wrong. +David, I don't understand... I'm sorry, sir. Just don't surrender. Genesis doesn't work! I can't believe they'll kill us for it -- +This is where the fun begins, Saavik! Like your father... so human. All units functional, recorders are on... Scanning sector one. Foliage in fully developed state of growth. Temperature, twenty- two point two Celsius. +Like your father... so human. All units functional, recorders are on... Scanning sector one. Foliage in fully developed state of growth. Temperature, twenty- two point two Celsius. Sector two... Indicating desert terrain. Minimal vegetation, temperature thirty-nine point four. +Sector two... Indicating desert terrain. Minimal vegetation, temperature thirty-nine point four. Sector three... Sub-tropical vegetation... Temperature -- Temperature decreasing rapidly -- +Sector three... Sub-tropical vegetation... Temperature -- Temperature decreasing rapidly -- It's snow. Snow in the same sector. Fantastic! +It's snow. Snow in the same sector. Fantastic! ... Fascinating. +... Fascinating. All the varieties of land and weather known to Earth within a few hours walk! +All the varieties of land and weather known to Earth within a few hours walk! You must be very proud of what you and your mother have created. +You must be very proud of what you and your mother have created. It's a little early to celebrate. +Same sector. Metallic mass. Underground deposit? +Underground deposit? Negative, on surface... A manufactured object. +Negative, on surface... A manufactured object. There's only one thing it could be... Short range scan. +Approximately two meters long... Cylindrical in form... A photon tube...! +New orbit commencing... Coming up on sector three... Short range scan. +Short range scan. As before... Metallic mass... Verifying triminium photon tube... No new data. +As before... Metallic mass... Verifying triminium photon tube... No new data. Check for trace radiation. Infrared enhancement. +Check for trace radiation. Infrared enhancement. ... Radiation residual... Level is minimal... +There shouldn't be any. Only plant forms were built into the Genesis matrix. Cross referenced and verified. An unidentifiable life form reading. +Captain, please -- we'll take the risk. We've got to find out what it is... ... Or who. +Saavik to Grissom. Request computer study of soil samples for geological aging. I'll handle that later. +I'll handle that later. My readings indicate great instability. +My readings indicate great instability. We're not here to investigate geological aging, we're here to find life forms! +. .. Spock's tube... David -- +Well. There's your life form reading. These were microbes on the tube's surface. We shot them here from Enterprise. They were fruitful, and multiplied. But... How could they have evolved so quickly...? +What is it? Spock's burial robe. +Later. Let's go... Grissom, your message acknowledged. Will advise... Out. +Saavik... My god, what happened to them? It would seem that Grissom was destroyed by an enemy attack. +It would seem that Grissom was destroyed by an enemy attack. You mean, we're stranded down here?! +You mean, we're stranded down here?! Logic indicates that is the case. +Logic indicates that is the case. How can you be logical at a time like this?! We have to get thee hell off this planet! +How can you be logical at a time like this?! We have to get thee hell off this planet! That may be difficult... +That may be difficult... Why don't you just call for help! +Why don't you just call for help! I have already made one transmission too many... +It's time for total truth between us. This planet is not what you intended, or hoped for, is it? Not exactly. +Not exactly. Why? +Why? I used protomatter in the Genesis matrix. +I used protomatter in the Genesis matrix. Protomatter. An unstable substance which every ethical scientist in the galaxy has denounced as dangerously unpredictable. +Protomatter. An unstable substance which every ethical scientist in the galaxy has denounced as dangerously unpredictable. It was the only way to solve certain problems -- +It was the only way to solve certain problems -- Did your collaborator know? +Did your collaborator know? My mother knew nothing about it. That's why I asked her to leave Genesis in my hands. +My mother knew nothing about it. That's why I asked her to leave Genesis in my hands. So, like your father, you changed the rules... +So, like your father, you changed the rules... If I hadn't, it might have been years -- or never! +If I hadn't, it might have been years -- or never! And how many have paid the price for your impatience? How many have died? How much damage have you done... And what is yet to come? +This planet is aging in surges. And Spock with it. They are joined together. +The Genesis wave started a life clock ticking for him and the planet. But at the rate things are going now... ... How long? +... How long? Days... Maybe hours... Protomatter has made the situation unpredictable. I'm sorry. +Days... Maybe hours... Protomatter has made the situation unpredictable. I'm sorry. It will be hardest on Spock. Soon he will feel the burning of his Vulcan blood. +It will be hardest on Spock. Soon he will feel the burning of his Vulcan blood. I don't understand. +I don't understand. Pon Farr. Vulcan males must endure it every seventh year of their adult life. +Pon Farr. Vulcan males must endure it every seventh year of their adult life. I still don't... +Whoever they are, they're getting closer. I'll go... +I'll go... No!... I'll do it. Give me your phaser. +If equipment is functioning properly, indications are -- an animal life form. You said there wouldn't be any. +Captain... the logical alternative is obvious... beaming down to the surface is permitted... """... If the Captain decides that the mission is vital and reasonably free of danger."" I know the book, Saavik." +Grissom to landing party. We have you approaching radioactive indications. Do you concur? Affirmative, Captain. Our readings are well below danger level. +Affirmative, Captain. Our readings are well below danger level. Very well. Exercise caution, Lieutenant. This landing is Captain's discretion and I'm the one who's out on a limb. +Very well. Exercise caution, Lieutenant. This landing is Captain's discretion and I'm the one who's out on a limb. I'll try to remember that, Captain. +Captain, this is Saavik. We have strong life sign readings bearing zero-one-five relative, and we are proceeding to investigate. We concur, Saavik. And Saavik... be advised we are reading a severe and unnatural age curve on the planet. I'm getting nervous... +We concur, Saavik. And Saavik... be advised we are reading a severe and unnatural age curve on the planet. I'm getting nervous... Do you have an explanation? +Captain, this is Saavik. Come in, please... Yes, Saavik, go ahead... +Ah, Saavik, that's, ah, extroadinary. What would you, ah, like to do next? Request permission to beam aboard immediately. +Request permission to beam aboard immediately. Saavik... Does Dr. Marcus think there could be -- any chance of -- ah -- radioactive contamination? +Saavik... Does Dr. Marcus think there could be -- any chance of -- ah -- radioactive contamination? None that I can detect, sir. +None that I can detect, sir. Well, all the same, I'm going to advise Starfleet and get instructions. +I'm sure Starfleet would approve, sir. I know, but -- let's do it by the book. Stand by on this channel. Go. +Captain, what's happening?! We are under attack! Stand by for evasive -- stand by for -- +I'm almost done, sir. You'll be fully automated by the time we dock. Your timing is excellent, Mr. Scott. You've fixed the barn door after the horse has come home. How much refit time till we can take her out again? +Your timing is excellent, Mr. Scott. You've fixed the barn door after the horse has come home. How much refit time till we can take her out again? Eight weeks, sir. But you don't have eight weeks so I'll do it for ya in two. +Eight weeks, sir. But you don't have eight weeks so I'll do it for ya in two. Mr. Scott. Have you always multiplied your repair estimates by a factor of four? +Mr. Scott. Have you always multiplied your repair estimates by a factor of four? Certainly, sir. How else can I keep my reputation as a miracle worker? +Certainly, sir. How else can I keep my reputation as a miracle worker? Your reputation is secure, Scotty. Mr. Sulu, take the con. I'll be in my quarters. +Mr. Scott... I'm sorry, sir, but as far as I'm concerned, there's nothin' needed for space travel that this old girl doesn't already have. +I'm sorry, sir, but as far as I'm concerned, there's nothin' needed for space travel that this old girl doesn't already have. Come, come, Scotty. Young minds. Fresh ideas. Be tolerant. +As promised, she's all yours, sir. All systems automated and ready. A chimpanzee and two trainees could run her. Thank you, Mr. Scott. I'll try not to take that personally. My friends... I can't ask you to go any further. Dr. McCoy and I have to do this. The rest of you do not. +Mr. Scott? I'd be grateful, Admiral, if you'd give the word. +I'd be grateful, Admiral, if you'd give the word. Gentlemen... may the wind be at our backs. Stations please! +Steady... Steady... All right, Mr. Scott. Sir...? +Sir...? The doors, Mr. Scott! +Aye, sir, she's got her second wind now. Scan for vessels in pursuit! +Mr. Scott, all power to the weapons systems -- Aye, sir! +Mr. Scott: two photon torpedoes at the ready. Sight on the center of the mass. Aye, sir! +Good shooting, Scotty. Aye, those two hits should stop a horse, let alone a bird. +Aye, those two hits should stop a horse, let alone a bird. Precautionary, Mr. Chekov. Shields up... +I'm all right -- stand by to return fire! Mr. Scott, transfer power to the phaser banks -- Oh, God, sir, I dinna think so... +Oh, God, sir, I dinna think so... What's wrong? +What's wrong? They've knocked out the damn automation center. I've got no control over anything! +How many more? Just him, sir! +Just him, sir! Bones, help Spock! Everyone else, find a station! +Admiral, this is Lieutenant Saavik. Saavik... Is... David with you? +Saavik... Is... David with you? Yes, he is. And someone else. Vulcan scientist of your acquaintance. +Yes, he is. And someone else. Vulcan scientist of your acquaintance. This Vulcan -- is he alive? +This Vulcan -- is he alive? He is not himself -- but he lives. He is subject to rapid aging -- like this unstable planet. +What happened...? He gave his life to save us. That is all I know. +Is there anything we can do?! Only one thing, Sir... Get him off this planet... His aging is part of what's going on around us... +The Genesis planet is gone. Goodbye, David. +Yes, Admiral. But that may not be possible. What? What are you saying? +What? What are you saying? The Katra ritual is meant to deposit Spock's consciousness in the Hall of Ancient Thought - not in his body. +The Katra ritual is meant to deposit Spock's consciousness in the Hall of Ancient Thought - not in his body. But we have Spock alive! That's more than we bargained for! +But we have Spock alive! That's more than we bargained for! Or less. What you describe is called Fal Tor Pan - the refusion. It is very dangerous. The elders may not choose to attempt it. +Or less. What you describe is called Fal Tor Pan - the refusion. It is very dangerous. The elders may not choose to attempt it. And if they don't.? What will Happen to Spock? +And if they don't.? What will Happen to Spock? . He will remain always as he is. +My God... Much is at stake... +I know you... Do I not? Yes. And I know you. +Yes. And I know you. My father says you have been my friend... You came back for me. +My father says you have been my friend... You came back for me. You would have done the same for me. +You would have done the same for me. Why would you do this...? +Why would you do this...? Because... the needs of the one outweighed the needs of the many. +Yes, yes, Spock... The ship... Out of danger...? +The ship... Out of danger...? You saved the ship, Spock. You saved us all. Don't you remember?! +On course, Admiral. Estimating Spacedock in two point one hours. Very well. Mr. Chekov, I need pre-approach scan... Take the science station, please. +... Admiral, what's going to happen to Enterprise? She's to be decommissioned. +The word, sir? The word is no. I am therefore going anyway. +The word is no. I am therefore going anyway. Count on our help, sir. +Count on our help, sir. I'll need it, Sulu. +... We have cleared Spacedoors. FULL IMPULSE POWER! +Warp Speed, Mr. Sulu... Aye, sir, Warp Speed... +Excelsior, the great experiment, is adrift in space. Mr. Scott: as good as your word. +Estimating Genesis 2.9 hours, present speed. Can we hold speed, Mr. Scott? +We are secured from Warp Speed... Now entering Genesis Sector of Mutara Quadrant. What about Grissom, Mr. Chekov? +See! That shimmering area. Yes, sir. It's getting larger as we close in. +That distortion is closing rapidly... Opinion, Sulu? I think it's an energy form, sir... +I think it's an energy form, sir... Yes. Enough energy to hide a ship, wouldn't you say? +Yes. Enough energy to hide a ship, wouldn't you say? ... A cloaking device? +... A cloaking device? Red alert, Mr. Scott. +Klingon Bird of Prey, sir! She's arming torpedoes...! Fire, Mr. Scott! +Mr. Sulu, what is the crew complement of a Bird of Prey? About a dozen officers and men. +About a dozen officers and men. With some on the planet... +Sir, planet core readings unstable... Changing rapidly... What about surface life signs...? +What about surface life signs...? Close... There -- +Close... There -- Come on! +If I read this right, sir, we have full power. Go, Sulu! +We are clear and free to navigate. Best speed to Vulcan. Mr. Chekov, take the prisoners below. +The planet Vulcan. In hailing distance, sir. Saavik. Send to Ambassador Sarek. Tell him we're coming in. +Mr. Sulu, you're on manual. It's been a while, sir. Here we go... Retrothrusters! +Uhura, any response from Starfleet on our Project Genesis inquiries? No, sir, no response. +No, sir, no response. Hmm.. Very odd. Scotty. Progress report? +Standby automatic approach system ... Advise approach control. Approach control... this is Enterprise. Ready for docking maneuver. +Would you look at that? My friends, the great experiment: Excelsior, ready for trial runs... +How is Doctor McCoy, sir? That's the good news. He's home in bed, full of tranquilizers, and he promised me he'd stay there... They say it's exhaustion... We'll see. +Gentlemen. Good evening. Good evening, Commander. Everything ready? +Good evening, Commander. Everything ready? Yes, Admiral. Step into my parlor. +Will you be able to handle that...? "Oh, I'll have ""Mr. Adventure"" eating out of my hand. And I'll see you at the rendezvous. All my hopes." +Welcome aboard, Admiral. Welcome home, Jim. +Where's Doctor McCoy? Indisposed, sir. +Indisposed, sir. Ah, too bad... Well... You have all done remarkable service under the most -- difficult of conditions. You'll be receiving Starfleet's highest commendations, and more importantly, extended shore leaves. +Admiral, I don't understand. The Enterprise -- Jim, the Enterprise is twenty years old. We think her day is over... +Jim, the Enterprise is twenty years old. We think her day is over... But, we had requested -- we were hoping to take her back to Genesis... +But, we had requested -- we were hoping to take her back to Genesis... Genesis?! Whatever for? +Genesis?! Whatever for? Why -- a natural desire to help finish the work we began! +Why -- a natural desire to help finish the work we began! That's out of the question. No one is going to Genesis! +That's out of the question. No one is going to Genesis! May I ask why...? +May I ask why...? Jim, in your absence, Genesis has become a galactic controversy... Until the Federation Council makes policy, you are all under orders not to discuss with anyone your knowledge of Genesis... Consider it a quarantined planet. And a forbidden subject. +Jim... You are my best officer and if I had a best friend, you'd be that too. But I am Commander, Starfleet, so I don't break rules! Don't quote rules, Harry! We're talking about loyalty. And sacrifice. One man who died for us, another who has deep emotional damage -- +Don't quote rules, Harry! We're talking about loyalty. And sacrifice. One man who died for us, another who has deep emotional damage -- Now wait a minute! This business about Spock and McCoy... Honestly, I have never understood Vulcan mysticism -- I'm sorry! But part of me doesn't want you to make a fool of yourself... Understand? +Now wait a minute! This business about Spock and McCoy... Honestly, I have never understood Vulcan mysticism -- I'm sorry! But part of me doesn't want you to make a fool of yourself... Understand? Harry, you don't have to believe! I'm not even sure I believe. But if there's even a chance that Spock has an eternal soul -- then that is my responsibility. +Harry, you don't have to believe! I'm not even sure I believe. But if there's even a chance that Spock has an eternal soul -- then that is my responsibility. Yours...?! +Yours...?! As surely as if it were my own! Harry, give me back the Enterprise! With Scotty's help... +As surely as if it were my own! Harry, give me back the Enterprise! With Scotty's help... No, Jim! Enterprise would never stand the pounding. +No, Jim! Enterprise would never stand the pounding. Then I'll find a ship -- I'll hire a ship. +Then I'll find a ship -- I'll hire a ship. Out of the question! The Council has ordered that no one but the science team goes to Genesis! +Out of the question! The Council has ordered that no one but the science team goes to Genesis! Then let me speak to the Council! Harry, please! I can make them understand!! +Yes... I hear you. I just had to try. Of course... Now take my suggestion, enjoy your leave -- and let all this tension blow away. +Of course... Now take my suggestion, enjoy your leave -- and let all this tension blow away. You're right. Thanks for the drink. +You're right. Thanks for the drink. Any time. +I say again: Grissom, this is Enterprise. Admiral Kirk calling Captain Esteban or Lieutenant Saavik. Come in! Report status! +Do not lecture me about treaty violations. The Federation, in creating an ultimate weapon, has become a gang of Intergalactic criminals. It is not I who will surrender, it is you. On the planet below, I have three prisoners from the team who developed your doomsday weapon. If you do not surrender immediately, I will execute them, one at a time, as enemies of galactic peace. Who is this?! How dare you -- +Who is this?! How dare you -- Who I am is not important. That I have them is. I will let you speak to them. +David?... David! Admiral, your young friend is mistaken. I meant what I said. And now, to show my intentions are sincere... I am going to kill one of the prisoners. +Admiral, your young friend is mistaken. I meant what I said. And now, to show my intentions are sincere... I am going to kill one of the prisoners. Wait! Give me a chance -- +There are two more prisoners, Admiral. Do you want them killed too? Surrender your vessel! All right, damn you! All right! Give me a minute to inform my crew. +Commander, Klingon vessel. Stand by to board this ship on my next signal. No tricks, Kirk. You have one minute. +No tricks, Kirk. You have one minute. No tricks. I'm looking forward to meeting you. Kirk out. +Maltz. Prisoners are at beam coordinates. Standby... You should take the Vulcan, too. +You should take the Vulcan, too. No. +No. But, why? +But, why? Because you wish it. +Genesis, I want it. Beam the Vulcan up -- And we talk. +Beam the Vulcan up -- And we talk. Give me what I want -- and I'll consider it... +Give me what I want -- and I'll consider it... You fool -- look around you! This planet is destroying itself! +You fool -- look around you! This planet is destroying itself! Yes. Exhilarating, isn't it! +Yes. Exhilarating, isn't it! If we don't help each other, we'll all die here! +If we don't help each other, we'll all die here! Perfect! That's the way it shall be!... Give me Genesis! +Ambassador, I -- I had no idea you were here... I think you know my crew... I will speak with you alone, Kirk. +Sarek... I would have come to Vulcan... to express my deepest sympathies... Spare me your human platitudes, Kirk. I have been to your Government. I have seen the Genesis information, and your own report. +Spare me your human platitudes, Kirk. I have been to your Government. I have seen the Genesis information, and your own report. Then you know how bravely your son met his death. +Then you know how bravely your son met his death. """Met his death""? How could you, his friend, have assumed that? Why did you leave him on Genesis! Spock trusted you -- and you denied him his future!" +"""Met his death""? How could you, his friend, have assumed that? Why did you leave him on Genesis! Spock trusted you -- and you denied him his future!" I -- saw no future -- +I -- saw no future -- "You missed the point, then and now... Only his body was ""in death,"" Kirk! And you were the last one to be with him." +"You missed the point, then and now... Only his body was ""in death,"" Kirk! And you were the last one to be with him." Yes, I was... +Yes, I was... Then you must know that you should have come with him to Vulcan. +Then you must know that you should have come with him to Vulcan. But -- why? +But -- why? Because he asked you to! He entrusted you with his very essence -- with everything was not of the body. He asked you to bring him to us -- and to bring that which he gave you: his Katra. His living spirit. +Because he asked you to! He entrusted you with his very essence -- with everything was not of the body. He asked you to bring him to us -- and to bring that which he gave you: his Katra. His living spirit. Sir. Your son meant more to me than you can know. I'd have given my life if it would have saved his. You must believe me when I tell you that he made no request of me! +Sir. Your son meant more to me than you can know. I'd have given my life if it would have saved his. You must believe me when I tell you that he made no request of me! He would not have spoken of it openly. +He would not have spoken of it openly. Then, how -- +Then, how -- Kirk, I must have your thoughts. May I join your mind? +Kirk, I must have your thoughts. May I join your mind? Of course...! +... He spoke of your friendship. Yes... +Yes... He asked you not to grieve... +He asked you not to grieve... ... Yes... +... Yes... ... The needs of the many outweigh... +... The needs of the many outweigh... ... The needs of the few... +... The needs of the few... ... Or the one. +... Or the one. ... Spock... +... Spock... I have been... and always shall be... your friend. Live long... and prosper! +I have been... and always shall be... your friend. Live long... and prosper! ... No...! ` Kirk, bathed with sweat, suddenly shudders in pain. Sarek opens his eyes, removes his hands. He touches Kirk with gentleness as Jim recovers, opens his eyes. +... No...! ` Kirk, bathed with sweat, suddenly shudders in pain. Sarek opens his eyes, removes his hands. He touches Kirk with gentleness as Jim recovers, opens his eyes. Forgive me. It is not here. I assumed he had mind-melded with you. It is the Vulcan way when the body's end is near. +Forgive me. It is not here. I assumed he had mind-melded with you. It is the Vulcan way when the body's end is near. But he couldn't touch me...! We were separated! +But he couldn't touch me...! We were separated! I see... and I understand. Then everything that he was... Everything that he knew... is lost. And when I return home empty-handed, many shall mourn. +Please wait!... Surely he would have found a way! If there was so much at stake -- Spock would have found a way! Yes... But -- how...? +Yes... But -- how...? Sarek!... What if he melded with someone else?! +Bones!... One alive, one not. Yet both in pain. +One alive, one not. Yet both in pain. What must I do? +What must I do? You must bring them to Mount Selaya -- on Vulcan. Only there is the passage possible. Only there can both find peace... +You must bring them to Mount Selaya -- on Vulcan. Only there is the passage possible. Only there can both find peace... What you ask is difficult. +What you ask is difficult. You will find a way, Kirk. If you honor them both, you must. +What about Spock? I am not sure. Only time will answer. Kirk. I thank you. What you have done is -- +I am not sure. Only time will answer. Kirk. I thank you. What you have done is -- What I have done, I had to do. +What I have done, I had to do. But at what cost? Your ship... Your son. +But at what cost? Your ship... Your son. If I hadn't tried, the cost would have been my soul. +So! Speak! Great power... to control... dominate... destroy. If it works. +Share this with no one. Understood, my lord. +Understood, my lord. "We are going to this ""planet."" Even as our emissaries negotiate for ""peace"" with the Federation, we will act for the preservation of our race! We will seize the secret of this weapon. The secret of ultimate power!" +"We are going to this ""planet."" Even as our emissaries negotiate for ""peace"" with the Federation, we will act for the preservation of our race! We will seize the secret of this weapon. The secret of ultimate power!" Success, my lord. +Success, my lord. Station! +Sir, may I suggest -- Say the wrong thing, Torg, and I will kill you too! +Say the wrong thing, Torg, and I will kill you too! I only meant, my lord, that if it's prisoners you want -- There are life signs on the planet. Perhaps the very scientists you seek. +I ordered no interruptions. But sir! Federation Starship approaching. +We are cloaked. Enemy closing on impulse power. Range, 5,000 Kellicams. Good. This is the turn of luck I have been waiting for. +Why haven't they finished us?... They outgun me ten to one; they have four hundred in crew to my handful, yet they sit there. Perhaps they wish to take you prisoner. +Perhaps they wish to take you prisoner. They know we would die first. +How can you tell that? I trust my instincts. Admiral Kirk. This is your opponent speaking. +I give two minutes. For you, and your gallant crew. Take every last man: form a boarding party, armed heavily! They outnumber us, my Lord -- +They outnumber us, my Lord -- We are Klingons! Once you control the ship, I will transfer my flag there. And we will take Genesis from their own memory banks! +I'll be in my quarters. Execute course to the Federation Boundary. Yes, my lord! +Range: 3000 Kellicams. Steady. Continue on impulse power. +1,000 Kellicams, closing! Wait!... Wait... +My Lord, enemy commander wishes a truce to confer. Put him on screen! Study him well. +My Lord... what are your orders? I underestimated him... He did the one thing I didn't anticipate ... He destroyed himself... +I underestimated him... He did the one thing I didn't anticipate ... He destroyed himself... Sir, may I -- +Sir, may I -- Killing his son was stupid! It made Kirk willing to die. +Killing his son was stupid! It made Kirk willing to die. We still have the prisoners, sir. Perhaps their information -- +We still have the prisoners, sir. Perhaps their information -- They are useless! It was Kirk I needed. And I let him slip away. +They are useless! It was Kirk I needed. And I let him slip away. But surely, our mission has not failed -- ? +But surely, our mission has not failed -- ? Our mission is over. I have failed... A human has been bolder and more ruthless than I... That -- is the real dishonor. +You amaze me, Commander. How is that...? +How is that...? A twenty year space veteran, yet you ask for the worst duty station in town. I mean, look at this place: the hind end of space. +A twenty year space veteran, yet you ask for the worst duty station in town. I mean, look at this place: the hind end of space. Peace and quiet appeals to me, Lieutenant. +Peace and quiet appeals to me, Lieutenant. Well, maybe that's okay for someone like you whose career is winding down. But me: I need some challenge in my life. Some adventure... Even just a surprise or two. +Well, maybe that's okay for someone like you whose career is winding down. But me: I need some challenge in my life. Some adventure... Even just a surprise or two. You know what they say, Lieutenant. Careful what you wish for: you may get it. +Commander, these are some of the most famous people in Starfleet! Admiral Kirk, my God! Good for you, Lieutenant. +Good for you, Lieutenant. But it's damn irregular. No destination orders, no encoded i.d... +But it's damn irregular. No destination orders, no encoded i.d... All true. +All true. Well -- what are we going to do about it?! +Well -- what are we going to do about it?! I am going to do nothing about it. You are going to sit in the closet. +I am going to do nothing about it. You are going to sit in the closet. The closet?! Have you lost all sense of reality? +The closet?! Have you lost all sense of reality? This isn't reality. This is fantasy. +But dear Lord, are we intelligent enough to -- Suppose, this thing were used where life already exists? It would destroy such life in favor of its new matrix -- +It would destroy such life in favor of its new matrix -- It's new -- have you any idea what you're saying? +It's new -- have you any idea what you're saying? I was not attempting to evaluate its moral implications, Doctor. As a matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy than to create -- +I was not attempting to evaluate its moral implications, Doctor. As a matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy than to create -- Not anymore! Now you can do both at the same time! According to myth, the earth was created in six days. Watch out: here comes Genesis; we'll do it for you in six minutes -- +Not anymore! Now you can do both at the same time! According to myth, the earth was created in six days. Watch out: here comes Genesis; we'll do it for you in six minutes -- I don't dispute that in the wrong hands -- +I don't dispute that in the wrong hands -- Would you like to tell me whose are the right hands, my cold-blooded friend? Are you in favor of these experiments? +Are you out of your Vulcan mind? No human can tolerate the radiation loose in there! But, as you are so fond of observing, Doctor, I'm not human. +But, as you are so fond of observing, Doctor, I'm not human. You're not going in there -- ! +You're not going in there -- ! I'm afraid I can't stop to discuss this logically -- +Physician, heal thyself. That's all you have to say? +That's all you have to say? I'm not a drama critic. +Wouldn't it be easier to put an experienced crew back on the ship? They'll learn. Galloping about the cosmos is a game for the young, doctor. +Bless me, doctor; and what beams you into this neck of the woods? 'Beware Romulans bearing gifts.' Happy Birthday... +Romulan Ale! Bones, you know this stuff is illegal -- I only use it for medicinal purposes. Don't be a pring... +I only use it for medicinal purposes. Don't be a pring... Twenty-two, eighty-three... +Twenty-two, eighty-three... Takes the stuff a while to ferment. Gimme. +I'm almost afraid to. What did you bring me, contraband Klingon -- More antiques for your collection -- Cheers! +Cheers. Bones, these are... charming. Four hundred years old. You don't find many with the lens still intact. +Four hundred years old. You don't find many with the lens still intact. Uh -- what are they? +Uh -- what are they? For your eyes. For most patients of your age, I generally administer Retlax Five to restore flexibility of the lens. +For your eyes. For most patients of your age, I generally administer Retlax Five to restore flexibility of the lens. But I'm allergic to Retlax. +But I'm allergic to Retlax. Exactly. Happy birthday. +Slide them down your nose. Now look at me over the top. And you read printed matter through the bottom. Amazing! I don't know what to say -- +Amazing! I don't know what to say -- Say thank you. +Say thank you. Thank you. +Damn it, Jim, what the hell's the matter? Other people have birthdays. Why're we treating yours like a funeral? Bones, I don't want to be lectured. +Bones, I don't want to be lectured. What DO you want? Damn it, why isn't there a girl here? You know this has nothing to do with age. This is about you flying a goddamn computer console when you wanna be out hopping Galaxies. +What DO you want? Damn it, why isn't there a girl here? You know this has nothing to do with age. This is about you flying a goddamn computer console when you wanna be out hopping Galaxies. Spare me your notions of poetry, please. We all have our assigned duties and... +Spare me your notions of poetry, please. We all have our assigned duties and... Bull. You're hiding -- hiding behind the rules and regulations -- +Bull. You're hiding -- hiding behind the rules and regulations -- And who am I hiding from? +And who am I hiding from? From yourself, Admiral. +Don't mince words, Bones; tell me what you really think. I'm your doctor and I'm your friend, Jim. Get back your command. Get it back before you really do grow old. Before you turn into part of this collection. +Shore leave, Admiral. Ah. +What about the rest of the inspection, Admiral? The inspection will continue once we're underway, Doctor. +It never rains but when it pours -- As a physician you of all people should appreciate the danger of re-opening old wounds. +I've got the sick bay ready. Will someone please tell me what is going on? Computer. Request security procedure and access to Project Genesis Summary. +Doctors lose patients sometimes. Damn. I'm still in the dark: How'd he know about Genesis? At the moment that question takes a back seat to preventing him from laying his hands on it. You said it yourself; we're talking about a bang that would re-arrange the universe... +At the moment that question takes a back seat to preventing him from laying his hands on it. You said it yourself; we're talking about a bang that would re-arrange the universe... There may still be time... you gave as good as you got. +There may still be time... you gave as good as you got. I got beat. We're only alive because I knew something about these ships that he didn't. +Khan could be down there! He's BEEN there and hasn't found what he wants. Can you spare someone? There may be people hurt. +He's BEEN there and hasn't found what he wants. Can you spare someone? There may be people hurt. I can spare me... +They even killed the galley chief. This one looks like a Steward. They're not warm, but rigor hasn't set in. This didn't happen all that long ago, Jim. +Go? Where are we going? Where they went. Saavik. +But what if they went -- nowhere? Then this will be your big chance to get away from it all. +Do you have anything to eat? I don't know about anyone else, but I'm starved. How can you think of food at a time like this? +How can you think of food at a time like this? Our first order of business is survival. +Now that's what I call a meal. It's like the Garden of Eden... +Lieutenant, you are looking at the only Starfleet cadet who ever beat the no-win scenario -- And almost got tossed out of the Academy... +Until now. We each face death every day we're alive, Saavik. +Hours instead of days, Saavik; now we have minutes instead of hours -- I'm taking this bunch to sick bay. +You okay, Jim? How do you feel? Young. I feel young, Doctor. +... come in, please. This is Reliant calling Regula I. Repeat. This is USS Reliant -- Commander, we are receiving. This is Regula I. Go ahead. +Commander, we are receiving. This is Regula I. Go ahead. Dr. Marcus... good. We're en route to you and should be there in three days. +Dr. Marcus... good. We're en route to you and should be there in three days. En route? Why? We weren't expecting you for another three months. Has something happened? Has something happened? Do you read us? +En route? Why? We weren't expecting you for another three months. Has something happened? Has something happened? Do you read us? All went well. Nothing has happened. Ceti Alpha VI has checked out. +I still don't under -- We have received new orders. Upon our arrival at Regula I, all materials of Project Genesis will be transferred to this ship for immediate testing at Ceti Alpha VI. +Will you please be quiet! Commander Chekov, this is completely irregular. Who gave the order you are quoting? Who gave the order? The order comes from Starfleet command, Dr. Marcus, direct from the General Staff. +The order comes from Starfleet command, Dr. Marcus, direct from the General Staff. But Genesis is a civilian project, under my control -- +But Genesis is a civilian project, under my control -- I have my orders. +This is completely improper, Commander Chekov. I have no intention of allowing Reliant or any other unauthorized personnel access to our work or materials. I'm sorry you feel that way, Doctor. Admiral Kirk's orders are confirmed. Please prepare to deliver Genesis to us upon our arrival. Reliant out. +Jim... read me? Can you read me? Message breaking up, Carol. What's wrong? What's wrong? +Message breaking up, Carol. What's wrong? What's wrong? ... Can't read you... repeat... +... Can't read you... repeat... Repeat... what's wrong? What's wrong? +Repeat... what's wrong? What's wrong? ... taking Genesis away from us... +... taking Genesis away from us... Taking Genesis? Who? Who is taking Genesis? +Taking Genesis? Who? Who is taking Genesis? ... see you but can't hear. Did you... order...? +... see you but can't hear. Did you... order...? What order? Who's taking Genesis? +What order? Who's taking Genesis? ... Please help us, Jim... won't let them have... without proper... repeat... on whose authority... +... Please help us, Jim... won't let them have... without proper... repeat... on whose authority... Carol! +Carol! Jim please -- +Wait -- Stage One of our experiments was conducted in the labora- tory. Stage Two of the series will be attempted in a lifeless underground; Stage Three will involve the process on a plane- tary scale. What follows is a computer projected simulation of Stage Three. Please watch closely. +David was right, wasn't he? It's just to keep them busy. Why? Why didn't you tell me? +Why? Why didn't you tell me? How can you ask me that? Were we together? Where we going to be? You had your world and I had mine. I wanted him in mine, not chasing through the universe with his father. +You did this -- in a day?! The matrix formed in a day. The life forms grew later -- at a wildly accelerated rate. Can I cook or can't I? +It is a far far better thing I do than I have ever done before... a far better resting place I go to than I have ever known... Is that a poem? +Is that a poem? Something Spock was trying to tell me. On my birthday. +How can you let them pull that stuff on you? They're just lazy. And bored. I know. But maybe it IS something they can... +And bored. I know. But maybe it IS something they can... Come on, Mother, that's just the military mentality. Never put off tomorrow what you can put off today. If there's one atom of life... +Come on, Mother, that's just the military mentality. Never put off tomorrow what you can put off today. If there's one atom of life... I know, I know... +Well, don't have kittens. Genesis is going to work. They'll remember you in a wreath with Newton, Einstein, Surak... Thanks a lot. No respect from my offspring -- +Thanks a lot. No respect from my offspring -- Par for the course... you teaming up with me for bridge after dinner? +Par for the course... you teaming up with me for bridge after dinner? Maybe... +Maybe... Every time we have dealings with Starfleet, I get nervous. We're dealing with something that COULD be perverted into a dreadful weapon. Remember that overgrown boy scout you used to hang out with? That's exactly the -- +Does that about do it? I don't think there's another piece of information we could squeeze into the memory banks. Next time, we'll design a bigger one. +I don't think there's another piece of information we could squeeze into the memory banks. Next time, we'll design a bigger one. Who -- +Will you please be quiet! We must have order here. This has to be some sort of mistake. Mistake? We're all alone here. They waited until everyone was on shift-leave to do this. Reliant is supposed to be at our disposal, not vice-versa. +I've tried to warn you. Scientists are always pawns of the military -- Starfleet has kept the peace for a hundred years, I cannot and will not subscribe to your interpretation of this event. +David -- Mother, go back! +Jim -- Go back. I'm going to kill him. +Go back. I'm going to kill him. You do that and you'll have murdered your father. +So are we, it looks like. I don't understand. Who's responsible for all this? Who is Khan? +This? It took the Starfleet corps of engineers ten months in space suits to tunnel out all this. What we did in there -- we did in a day. David, why don't you show Dr. McCoy and the Lieutenant our idea of food. But we can't just sit here -- ! +David. Please. This is just to give us something to do, isn't it? Come on. +Don't tell me you've got something. We've picked up a minor energy flux reading on one dyno scanner. +We've picked up a minor energy flux reading on one dyno scanner. Damn! Are you sure? Maybe the scanner's out of adjustment -- +Damn! Are you sure? Maybe the scanner's out of adjustment -- I suppose it could be a particle of preanimate matter caught in the matrix... +I suppose it could be a particle of preanimate matter caught in the matrix... All right, let's get on the Comm-pic to Doctor Marcus. Maybe it's something we can transplant. +All right, let's get on the Comm-pic to Doctor Marcus. Maybe it's something we can transplant. You know what she'll say... +Are you sure these are the coordinates? Captain, this is the garden spot of Ceti Alpha VI -- +Captain, this is the garden spot of Ceti Alpha VI -- I can hardly see -- +You're crazy -- ! I saw it -- ! +I saw it -- ! There's an air-lock. +I told you! I told you I saw a -- Ssssh! +Botany Bay -- oh no! What's the matter -- ? +But the child -- Never mind! Hurry! +A criminal, Captain -- a product of the late 20th Century genetic engineering -- What do you want with us? I demand -- +He left us. We were no longer of use. SAAVIK Where is the Reliant crew? Dead? Marooned on Ceti Alpha V. He's completely mad, Admiral. He blames you for the death of his wife... +You lie! On Ceti Alpha V there was life, a fair chance to -- This is Ceti Alpha V! Ceti Alpha VI exploded six months after we were left here. The shock shifted the orbit of this planet and everything was laid waste. Admiral Kirk never bothered to check on our progress. It was only the fact of my genetically engineered intellect that enabled us to survive! On earth, two hundred years ago, I was a prince, with power over millions -- now, like Prometheus I have been left by Admiral Kirk to digest my own entrails. +This is Ceti Alpha V! Ceti Alpha VI exploded six months after we were left here. The shock shifted the orbit of this planet and everything was laid waste. Admiral Kirk never bothered to check on our progress. It was only the fact of my genetically engineered intellect that enabled us to survive! On earth, two hundred years ago, I was a prince, with power over millions -- now, like Prometheus I have been left by Admiral Kirk to digest my own entrails. Captain Kirk was your host! You repaid his hospitality by trying to steal his ship and murder him. +Captain Kirk was your host! You repaid his hospitality by trying to steal his ship and murder him. And I'll wager he never told you about his shipmate, the beautiful and courageous Lieutenant McGiver, who gave up everything to join me in exile. OUT OF LOVE. And see how Admiral Kirk requited her devotion -- She's dead as earth! +Khan, listen to me! Captain Kirk was only doing his duty! You -- There is some pain at first, I am told, and then the effects are quite benign -- until the end. That was what I learned from watching my wife. +Beyond what I told you, sir, it is classified information. Umm. And would Admiral Kirk have access to such information? +Umm. And would Admiral Kirk have access to such information? I would think so, sir. He's on the Fleet General Staff. +I would think so, sir. He's on the Fleet General Staff. Then to whom do you report directly regarding Genesis? +Then to whom do you report directly regarding Genesis? To Doctor Marcus, the civilian director of the experiments on Space Laboratory Regula I. +To Doctor Marcus, the civilian director of the experiments on Space Laboratory Regula I. I see. Helmsman? +Well done, Commander. You realize, sir, that they will attempt to contact Admiral Kirk and confirm the order. +I'm Admiral Kirk... We were still there, you dumb bastard! We could hear the screams all the way to the transporter room -- +Where's Dr. Marcus -- I'm Doctor Marcus! +Why didn't you tell me? She's making it up! My father was Professor -- +It's a long story. We appear to have plenty of time. +It's the Genesis Wave! What? +What? He's on a build up to detonation! +He's on a build up to detonation! How soon -- +How soon -- We encoded four minutes -- +We encoded four minutes -- We'll beam aboard and stop it -- +We'll beam aboard and stop it -- You can't! +I don't mean to intrude. Uh, no... I should be on the bridge. +Uh, no... I should be on the bridge. Are you running away from me? +I suppose I was. I poured a drink. Would you like it? No. I -- I guess I'm not what you expected. +No. I -- I guess I'm not what you expected. I didn't expect anything. +I didn't expect anything. That makes two of us. Lieutenant Saavik was right: you never have faced death -- +That makes two of us. Lieutenant Saavik was right: you never have faced death -- Not like this -- no. I haven't faced death, I cheated death. I tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing. +Not like this -- no. I haven't faced death, I cheated death. I tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing. You knew enough to tell Saavik that how we face death is at least as important as how we face life -- +You knew enough to tell Saavik that how we face death is at least as important as how we face life -- It was just words. +It was just words. But good words. That's where ideas begin. Maybe you should listen to them. +But good words. That's where ideas begin. Maybe you should listen to them. I'm trying, David. +I'm trying, David. So am I. My friends were killed, too. +So am I. My friends were killed, too. I am truly sorry. +I was wrong about you. And I'm sorry. Is that what you came here to say? +Is that what you came here to say? Mainly. And also that I'm proud -- very proud -- to be your son. +Let go -- he can't -- ! Only half of you would get there. +What are you looking at? The Admiral's son. +The Admiral's son. Don't you believe it. +Don't you believe it. Oh, I believe it. +What are you looking at? I don't know. +Steady on course. All systems normal. It's not much different from Enterprise. When I was a guest aboard her some years ago, Captain Kirk kindly allowed me to memorize her technical manuals. And now, Mr. Chekov, let us review: You say you have no details of Project 'Genesis' ? +They're requesting visual communications, sir. Let them eat static. +Let them eat static. They're still running with shields down. +They're still running with shields down. Of course. We're one big happy fleet. Ah, Kirk, my old friend, do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold in space. +Careful: Not all at once. The engine room. Lock on target and prepare to fire. Locking phasers on target. +Sir -- our shields are dropping! Raise them -- +They won't -- Where's the over-ride?? +At them! At them! FIRE! FIRE! Why can't you? We can't fire, sir; they've damaged the photon controls and the warp drive. We must withdraw! +We can't fire, sir; they've damaged the photon controls and the warp drive. We must withdraw! No! +No! Sir, we must! We must repair the damage. Enterprise will wait; she's not going anywhere. +Well? Warp drive still inoperative. All other systems should be restored shortly. +Departing dark side, Regula. Visual -- +We'll lose them if they go in there. Rake her. +No sir! We have Genesis -- Whatever you want -- Full power damn you! +Tactical! Inoperative. +Inoperative. Raise the shields... +Yours... is... the superior... I shall avenge you -- +You still remember, Admiral. I cannot help but be touched. Of course, I remember you. What is the meaning of this attack? Where is the crew of the Reliant? +What is the meaning of this attack? Where is the crew of the Reliant? Surely I have made my meaning plain. I mean to avenge myself upon you, Admiral. I've deprived your ship of power and when I swing round I mean to deprive you of your life -- +-- But I wanted you to know first who it was who had beaten you: I, Khan Noonian Singh, the eagle you attempted to cage forever. Khan, listen to me -- if its me you want, I'll have myself beamed aboard. All I ask is that you spare my crew. +Khan, listen to me -- if its me you want, I'll have myself beamed aboard. All I ask is that you spare my crew. That is a most intriguing offer. Typical, I must say of your sterling character. Let me think. +Genesis, what's that? Don't play with me, Kirk, my hand is on the phaser control -- +Don't play with me, Kirk, my hand is on the phaser control -- Give me some time to recall the data on our computers -- +Give me some time to recall the data on our computers -- I give you sixty seconds, Admiral. +Thirty seconds... ... to prevent an enemy from doing just what we're attempting; using our console to tap in a message, an order to lower Reliant's damn shields... +Khan, how do I know you'll keep your word? I've given you no word to keep, Admiral. In my judgment, you simply have no alternative. +I've given you no word to keep, Admiral. In my judgment, you simply have no alternative. I take your point. Stand by to receive our transmission. +Time's up, Admiral... Here it comes. Now, Spock. +Kirk! Kirk, you are still alive -- my old friend... Still, 'old friend.' You've managed to kill just about everyone else, but like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target. +Still, 'old friend.' You've managed to kill just about everyone else, but like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target. Perhaps I no longer need to try. +Goodbye, Admiral. Oh, and don't count on Enterprise. She can't move. My next act will be to blow her out of the heavens. KHAN! +I don't know you. But you. I never forget a face. Mister Chekov, isn't it? I never thought to see your face again. Chekov, who is this man? +You are in a position to demand nothing, sir. I, on the other hand, am in a position to grant nothing. What you see is all that remains of the ship's company and the crew of the Botany Bay, marooned here fifteen years ago by Captain James T. Kirk. Listen to me -- you men and women -- +Listen to me -- you men and women -- Save your strength, Captain, these people have sworn to live and die at my command two hundred years before you were born. Do you mean he... ... never told you the tale? To amuse you, Captain? Never told you how the Enterprise picked up the Botany Bay, lost in space from the year 1996, myself and the ship's company in cryogenic freeze? +Save your strength, Captain, these people have sworn to live and die at my command two hundred years before you were born. Do you mean he... ... never told you the tale? To amuse you, Captain? Never told you how the Enterprise picked up the Botany Bay, lost in space from the year 1996, myself and the ship's company in cryogenic freeze? I've never even met Admiral Kirk -- +I've never even met Admiral Kirk -- Admiral? He didn't tell you how Admiral Kirk sent seventy of us into exile on this barren sand heap with only the contents of these cargo bays to sustain us? +Captain... We're waiting. What's the delay? All is well, sir. You have the coordinates to beam up Genesis... +All is well, sir. You have the coordinates to beam up Genesis... First things first, Captain. Kill Admiral Kirk. +An emergency situation has arisen. By order of Starfleet Command, as of now, 1800 hours, I am assuming command of this vessel. Duty officer so note in the ship's log. Plot a new course: for Space Laboratory Regula I. Mr. Scott? Aye, sir. +Aye, sir. We'll be going to warp speed -- +We'll be going to warp speed -- Aye, sir -- +Scotty -- what's left? Just the batteries, sir. I can have auxiliary power in a few minutes -- +Just the batteries, sir. I can have auxiliary power in a few minutes -- We don't have minutes. Can you give me phaser power? +We don't have minutes. Can you give me phaser power? A few shots, sir. +Just barely, sir. I'm going down to the station. +I'll need ten minutes, sir, 'til the radiation dissipates. Uhura, send to Commander, Reliant: prepare to be boarded. +Uhura. Can't you augment? I'm trying, sir. Stand by... +She's not responding... Try the emergency channels... +Try the emergency channels... Enterprise to Reliant. Come in, Reliant. +Enterprise to Reliant. Come in, Reliant. Picture, Mr. Saavik. +I'm getting a voice message... wait ... short range band. They say their Chambers coil is shorting their COMM system. Spock? +Mr. Scott on discrete. Scotty, let's have it. +On screen. Admiral -- +Admiral -- Do it, while we have time. +... No response, sir. Sensors, Captain? +Saavik, for God's sake, tell her we're all right. I say again. This is Enterprise. Please acknowledge signal. Please -- +Enterprise to Reliant: you are ordered to surrender your vessel. Respond! Nothing, sir. We'll beam aboard. Alert transporter room -- +Mr. Scott, you old space dog. You're well? I had me a wee bout -- but Dr. McCoy pulled me through. +I had me a wee bout -- but Dr. McCoy pulled me through. Oh? A wee bout of what, Mr. Scott? +Midshipman, you're a tiger. My sister's youngest, Admiral. Crazy to get to space. +My sister's youngest, Admiral. Crazy to get to space. Every young boy's fancy. I seem to remember it myself. Very well. Mr. Scott, are your engines capable of handling a minor training cruise? +Every young boy's fancy. I seem to remember it myself. Very well. Mr. Scott, are your engines capable of handling a minor training cruise? Give the word, Admiral. +Give the word, Admiral. Mr. Scott, the word is given. +Mr. Scott, the word is given. Aye, sir. +WHY? He wants to kill me for passing sentence on him 14 years ago -- and he doesn't care who stands between him and his vengeance. +The energizer's bypassed like a Christmas tree -- so don't give me too many bumps. No promises, Mr. Scott. On your way. +Admiral, I've got to take the mains off the line. The energizer's shaken loose and I can't get in there to fix her -- radiation -- All right, we'll do the job with auxiliary power. +No, sir! You'll flood the whole compartment...! He'll die -- ! +If he hadn't, we'd be space by now. Admiral, this is Spock. +Yes, Spock. Engine room reports auxiliary power restored. We can proceed at impulse power. +Engine room reports auxiliary power restored. We can proceed at impulse power. Best speed to Regula I. Kirk out. Scotty, I've got to ask: Any chance of getting the mains back on the line? +Kirk to Enterprise. Damage report, Spock? Admiral, if we go by the book, like Lieutenant Saavik, hours could seem like days. +Admiral, if we go by the book, like Lieutenant Saavik, hours could seem like days. I read you, Captain. Let's have it. +Meaning you can't even beam us back? Not at present. +Spock, this is Kirk. It's two hours. Are you about ready? Right on schedule, Admiral. Just give us your coordinates and we'll beam you aboard. +And who is this? Midshipman First Class Peter Preston, engineers mate, SIR. +Your first training voyage, Mr. Preston? Yes, SIR. +Yes, SIR. I see. Well, shall we start with the engine room? +I believe you'll find everything shipshape, Admiral. Oh do you? Have you any idea, Midshipman Preston, how many times I've had to listen to Mr. Scott on the Comm, telling me his troubles? Have you any idea the ribbing I've had to endure in the officers' mess to the effect that the Enterprise is a flying death trap? +Oh do you? Have you any idea, Midshipman Preston, how many times I've had to listen to Mr. Scott on the Comm, telling me his troubles? Have you any idea the ribbing I've had to endure in the officers' mess to the effect that the Enterprise is a flying death trap? Oh, no, sir! This is the finest engine room in the whole Star -- +Is the word given? The word is given: warp speed. +The word is given: warp speed. Aye... +I assume you are loitering here to learn what efficiency rating I plan to give your cadets. I am understandably curious. +They destroyed the simulator room and you with it. The Kobayshi Maru scenario frequently wreaks havoc with students and equipment. As I recall you took the test three times yourself. Your final solution was, shall we say, unique? +The Kobayshi Maru scenario frequently wreaks havoc with students and equipment. As I recall you took the test three times yourself. Your final solution was, shall we say, unique? It had the virtue of never having been tried. +It had the virtue of never having been tried. Yours was not a solution which would have occurred to a Vulcan mentality. +Yours was not a solution which would have occurred to a Vulcan mentality. So you said at the time. Speaking of which, your prot‚g‚'s first rare -- a trifle emotional -- +So you said at the time. Speaking of which, your prot‚g‚'s first rare -- a trifle emotional -- She's half Romulan, Jim. The admixture makes her more volatile than -- me, for example. +She's half Romulan, Jim. The admixture makes her more volatile than -- me, for example. Than you. Yes, I see that. By the way, thank you for this. +I know of your fondness for antiques. 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...' Message, Spock? +'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...' Message, Spock? None of which I am consciously aware -- except, of course, happy birthday -- surely the best of times. +Hrummm... and where are you off to, now? The Enterprise. I must check in before your inspection. And you? +The Enterprise. I must check in before your inspection. And you? Home. +Permission to come aboard, Captain? Welcome aboard, Admiral. I believe you know my trainee crew. Certainly they have come to know you. +Welcome aboard, Admiral. I believe you know my trainee crew. Certainly they have come to know you. Yes, we've been through death and life together. +There's a first time for everything, Admiral. To be sure, Captain. +Something may be wrong at Regula I. We've been ordered to investigate. Regula I is a scientific research laboratory, if memory serves... +Regula I is a scientific research laboratory, if memory serves... I told Starfleet all we had was a boatload of children but we're the only ship in the quadrant. Spock: those cadets of yours -- how good are they? How will they respond under real pressure? +I told Starfleet all we had was a boatload of children but we're the only ship in the quadrant. Spock: those cadets of yours -- how good are they? How will they respond under real pressure? Like all living beings, Admiral each according to his gifts. The ship is yours. +Like all living beings, Admiral each according to his gifts. The ship is yours. That won't be necessary: just take me to Regula I. +That won't be necessary: just take me to Regula I. Excuse my presumption, but I do not agree. As a teacher on a training mission, I am content to command a Starship. If we are to go on actual duty, it is clear that the senior officer aboard must assume command. +Excuse my presumption, but I do not agree. As a teacher on a training mission, I am content to command a Starship. If we are to go on actual duty, it is clear that the senior officer aboard must assume command. But it may be nothing; garbled communications. Why don't you... +But it may be nothing; garbled communications. Why don't you... You proceed from a false assumption. I am a Vulcan. I have no ego to bruise. +You are going to remind me that logic alone dictates your actions. I was going to remind you of nothing, least of all that which you know well. Your mistake, if I may be so bold, was promotion. Commanding a Starship is your first best destiny. Anything else is a waste of material. +I was going to remind you of nothing, least of all that which you know well. Your mistake, if I may be so bold, was promotion. Commanding a Starship is your first best destiny. Anything else is a waste of material. I would not presume to debate you. +I would not presume to debate you. That is wise. In any case, were I to invoke logic, logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. +That is wise. In any case, were I to invoke logic, logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one. +Will you accompany me to the bridge? I'd best talk with Mr. Scott, first so that he may, in his own words, explain the situation to his cadets. +There are two possibilities, sir they are unwilling to respond, they are unable to respond. How far? +How far? Twelve hours and forty-three minutes, present speed. +Twelve hours and forty-three minutes, present speed. Give up Genesis, she said. What in God's name does that mean? Give it up to whom? +Give up Genesis, she said. What in God's name does that mean? Give it up to whom? It might help my analysis if I knew what Genesis was. +Carol Marcus -- Yes. +It literally is Genesis... The power of creation -- +The power of creation -- Have they proceeded with their experiments? +Have they proceeded with their experiments? The tape was made a year ago. I can only assume they've reached Phase Two by now -- +Gentlemen, this isn't -- Really, Dr. McCoy; you cannot ban the acquisition of knowledge because you distrust the moral implications of what you learn. Logic suggests -- +What's she doing here? Chekov's on Reliant, isn't he? +Is it possible their COMM system has failed -- ? It would explain a great many things -- +Their coil emissions are normal... Wait: their shields are going up. They're locking phasers -- ! Raise shields! Energize phasers, stand by to -- +They knew just where to hit us. WHO? Who knew just where to hit us? And why? +WHO? Who knew just where to hit us? And why? One thing is certain; we cannot escape on auxiliary power. +One thing is certain; we cannot escape on auxiliary power. Visual! Mr. Sulu, divert everything to the phasers -- +Visual! Mr. Sulu, divert everything to the phasers -- Too late -- +Not enough against their shields. Who the hell are they? +Admiral, you can't give him Genesis... At least we know he hasn't got it. Just keep nodding as though I'm giving orders. Saavik, punch up the data charts of Reliant's command console -- hurry... +The prefix code? It's all we've got. +You've got to learn WHY things work on a Starship. It's coming through now, Khan... The prefix code is 16309. All commands from each Starship bridge are relayed electronically; each ship has its own prefix combination code... +Let's hope he hasn't changed the combination. He's quite intelligent... Wait for my signal, Spock -- too soon and he'll have time to figure it out and raise them again. +Scanners and sensors still inoperative. There's no way to tell what's inside the station. And no way of knowing if Reliant is still in the area... +And no way of knowing if Reliant is still in the area... Affirmative, Admiral. +Affirmative, Admiral. ... Blind as a Tiberian Bat. What do you make of the plantoid beyond? +... Blind as a Tiberian Bat. What do you make of the plantoid beyond? "Regula is class ""D'. It consists of various remarkable ores. Essentially, a great rock in space." +"Regula is class ""D'. It consists of various remarkable ores. Essentially, a great rock in space." Reliant could be hiding behind that rock. +Reliant could be hiding behind that rock. A distinct possibility. +A distinct possibility. Engine room... Scotty, do we have enough power for the transporters? +All right, join the party. Mr. Spock, the ship is yours. Aye sir -- +Aye sir -- Establish a parking orbit around the station and send me a complete damage report when you've talked with Mr. Scott. +Establish a parking orbit around the station and send me a complete damage report when you've talked with Mr. Scott. Be careful, Jim... +What IS working around here? Not much, Admiral. We have partial main power... +Not much, Admiral. We have partial main power... That's it? +That's it? Best we could do in two hours. +Uh oh. She can out-run us and out-gun us. But there is the Mutara Nebula at 153 mark four. +She can out-run us and out-gun us. But there is the Mutara Nebula at 153 mark four. Scotty, can we make it inside? +I think we can guarantee she'll follow us, Mr. Saavik. Remind me to explain to you the concept of human ego. Best speed, Scotty... +Estimating nebula penetration in two minutes. Reliant is closing. Steady as you go... +Admiral, they're reducing speed. Uhura, patch me in -- +Sporadic energy readings port side, aft. Could be an impulse turn. He won't break off now. If he followed me this far he'll be back. But from where...? +He won't break off now. If he followed me this far he'll be back. But from where...? He's intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two dimensional thinking... +Spock! The ship -- out of danger? +The ship -- out of danger? Yes -- +... the good of the few... Or the one. +I never took the Kobayashi Maru test -- until now. What do you think of my solution? Spock...! +Spock...! I have been -- and always will be -- your friend... Live. Long. And. Prosper. +Kirk here. I have an urgent CommPic from Space Lab Regula I for the Admiral. Dr. Carol Marcus. +I have an urgent CommPic from Space Lab Regula I for the Admiral. Dr. Carol Marcus. In my quarters, Uhura. +In my quarters, Uhura. Yes, sir. +Uhura! What's happening? Damn it... Transmission jammed at the source, sir. +Transmission jammed at the source, sir. Damn. Alert Starfleet Headquarters. I want to talk with Starfleet Command. +Captain Spock, if you do not hear from us within one hour your orders are to restore what power you can, take the Enterprise to the nearest Star Base and alert Starfleet command when you are out of jamming range. Sir -- we won't leave you behind...! +Sir -- we won't leave you behind...! Uhura, if you don't hear from us, there won't be anybody behind. Kirk out. You gentleman can remain here, or... +Any suggestions, Admiral? Prayer, Mr. Saavik. The Klingons do not take prisoners. Captain. +Well, Mr. Saavik, are you going to stay with the sinking ship? Permission to speak candidly, sir? +Permission to speak candidly, sir? Very well. +Very well. I don't believe this was a fair test of my command capabilities. +I don't believe this was a fair test of my command capabilities. And why not? +And why not? Because... there was no way to win. +Because... there was no way to win. A no-win situation is a possibility every commander may face. Has that never occurred to you? +A no-win situation is a possibility every commander may face. Has that never occurred to you? ... No, sir. It has not. +... No, sir. It has not. How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life, wouldn't you say? +How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life, wouldn't you say? As I indicated, Admiral, that thought had not occurred to me. +As I indicated, Admiral, that thought had not occurred to me. Then you have something new to think about. Carry on. +Lieutenant, are you wearing your hair differently? It is still regulation, Admiral. +May I speak, sir? Lieutenant, self-expression does not seem to be one of your problems. +Lieutenant, self-expression does not seem to be one of your problems. I wish to thank you for the high efficiency rating. +I wish to thank you for the high efficiency rating. You earned it. +You earned it. I did not think so. +I did not think so. You're bothered by your performance on the Kobayashi Maru. +You're bothered by your performance on the Kobayashi Maru. I failed to resolve the situation. +I failed to resolve the situation. There is no correct resolution. It is a test of character. +There is no correct resolution. It is a test of character. May I ask how you dealt with the test? +May I ask how you dealt with the test? You may ask, Lieutenant. +That was a little joke. Humor... that is a difficult concept ... it is not logical... +Humor... that is a difficult concept ... it is not logical... We learn by doing, Lieutenant. +Yes. Take the test again. +This is damned peculiar. Yellow alert. Energize defense fields. +Khan! Who? +Reliant's command... HURRY. +On screen... We're finding it. Please, please -- you've got to give us time -- the bridge is smashed, computers inoperative... +Begging the Admiral's pardon: General Order 15: 'No flag officer shall beam into a hazardous area without armed escort.' There is no such regulation. +Indeterminate life signs. Phasers on stun. Move out. +That's true, Admiral. All the memory cells have been emptied. Erased... +It doesn't make sense. These coordinates are well within Regula -- a plantoid we know to be lifeless and airless. If Stage Two was completed, it was underground -- she said it was going to be underground. +If Stage Two was completed, it was underground -- she said it was going to be underground. Stage Two of what? +Admiral? As your teacher Mr. Spock is fond of saying: I like to think there always are possibilities. +What's on your mind, Lieutenant? The Kobayashi Maru, sir. +Are you asking me if we are playing out that scenario now, Lieutenant? On the test, sir, will you tell me what you did? I'd really like to know. +How? I reprogrammed the simulation so it was possible to rescue the ship. +I reprogrammed the simulation so it was possible to rescue the ship. WHAT? +WHAT? I changed the conditions of the test. I received a commendation for original thinking. I don't like to lose. +I changed the conditions of the test. I received a commendation for original thinking. I don't like to lose. Then -- you never faced that situation -- faced death... +But the damage report -- we were immobilized... Come, come, Lieutenant, you of all people go by the book. Hello, Spock. You remember Dr. Marcus... +Regulation 46-A: 'If transmissions are being monitored during battle...' '... no uncoded messages on an open channel...' +That was close -- They just don't want us going in there. +Hold your course. Look sharp... At what. +Mr. Saavik, all stop. All stop, sir. +All stop, sir. Descend ten thousand meters. Stand by photon torpedoes. +Cease fire. Look sharp. Power levels quite low, sir. +Power levels quite low, sir. Mr. Scott, can you get the mains back on line? +Saavik, get us out, best speed! Aye, sir. +Time from my mark... Two minutes, ten seconds. +Two minutes, ten seconds. Engine room! What's happening?! +Time! Three minutes, thirty seconds. +Three minutes, thirty seconds. Distance from Reliant... +After you dismiss the company, you will take the watch. Set course for Ceti Alpha V and we'll pick up survivors. Aye, sir. +Aye, sir. I'll be in my quarters if needed, but I would prefer... +I'll be in my quarters if needed, but I would prefer... Understood, sir. +Understood, sir. Dismiss the company. +Admiral on the bridge! As you were, Mr. Saavik. +As you were, Mr. Saavik. Aye, sir. On course to Ceti Alpha. All is well. +Aye, sir. On course to Ceti Alpha. All is well. Good, I believe you already know my, uh, son -- +Yes, well, why don't you show him around and... Aye, sir -- +I really must thank you. I am delighted; any chance to go aboard Enterprise, however briefly, is always an excuse for nostalgia. +I am delighted; any chance to go aboard Enterprise, however briefly, is always an excuse for nostalgia. I cut your new orders personally. By the end of the month, you'll have your first command: USS EXCELSIOR. +I cut your new orders personally. By the end of the month, you'll have your first command: USS EXCELSIOR. Thank you, sir. I've looked forward to this for a long time. +Thank you, sir. I've looked forward to this for a long time. You've earned it. But I'm still grateful to have you at the helm for three weeks. I don't believe these kids can steer. +Stop engines. Stop engines. +Course plotted for Regula I, Admiral... Engage warp engines -- +Reliant in our section this quadrant, sir, and slowing -- Visual. +Mr. Sulu... The shields! Trying, sir! +I can't get power, sir! Scotty! +Mr. Sulu, lock phasers on target and await my command... Phasers locked... +Sir, you did it. I did nothing -- except get caught with my britches down. I must be senile. Mr. Saavik, you just keep right on quoting regulations. Meantime, let's find out what the hell is going on and see how bad we've been -- +Approaching Regula and Space Lab Regula I. Try again. +Admiral on the bridge -- Battle stations. +Phaser lock inoperative, sir. Best guess, Mr. Sulu. Fire when ready. +Leaving Section Fourteen for Section Fifteen. Project parabolic course to avoid entering Neutral Zone. +Project parabolic course to avoid entering Neutral Zone. Aye, Captain. +May I remind the Captain that if a Starship enters the zone -- I'm aware of my responsibilities, Mister. +I'm aware of my responsibilities, Mister. ... Now entering the Neutral Zone... +Shields activated! Inform the Klingons we are on a rescue mission... +We're over our heads. Mr. Sulu, get us out of here. I'll try, Captain. +Aft thrusters, Mr. Sulu. Aft thrusters, sir. +We are clear and free to navigate. Course heading, Captain? +Prepare for warp speed. Ready, sir. +We commend the soul of our brother departed. We love we commit his body to the depths of space. Honors -- hup! +Fire all phasers...! No power to the weapons system, sir. +He's not what I expected, Sir. What did you expect, Lieutenant? +What did you expect, Lieutenant? He's very human. +He's very human. We can't all be perfect, Saavik. You must control your prejudices and remember that as a Vulcan as well as a Romulan you are forever a stranger in an alien land. Around you are humans, and as a member of the Starfleet you are unlikely ever to escape their presence or their influence. You must learn to tolerance in addition to all else I have taught you. Tolerance is logical. +Very well, Mr. Saavik, clear all moorings. Aye, sir. +All moorings are clear, Captain. Thank you, Mr. Saavik. +Lieutenant, how many times have you piloted a Starship out of Spacedock? Never, sir. +Take her out, Mr. Saavik. Aye, sir. +Sir, may I quote General Order 12: 'On the approach of any vessel, when communications have not been est -- Lieutenant, the Admiral is aware of the Regulations. +Lieutenant, the Admiral is aware of the Regulations. Aye, sir. +Certainly... By the book... +You lied. I exaggerated. +I do not understand the final question... You are half human. The Computer knows that. +You are half human. The Computer knows that. The question is irrelevant. +The question is irrelevant. Spock... The retraining of your mind has been in the Vulcan way, so you may not understand feelings. But as my son, you have them. They will surface. +Spock... The retraining of your mind has been in the Vulcan way, so you may not understand feelings. But as my son, you have them. They will surface. As you wish, since you deem them of value. But I cannot wait here to find them. +As you wish, since you deem them of value. But I cannot wait here to find them. Where must you go? +Where must you go? To Earth. To offer testimony. +To Earth. To offer testimony. You do this -- for friendship? +You do this -- for friendship? I do this because I was there, +I do this because I was there, Spock. Does the good of the many outweigh the good of the one...? +Spock. Does the good of the many outweigh the good of the one...? I would accept that as an axiom. +I would accept that as an axiom. Then you stand here alive because of a mistake -- made by your flawed, feeling, human friends. They have sacrificed their futures because they believed that the good of the one -- you -- was more important to them. +Then you stand here alive because of a mistake -- made by your flawed, feeling, human friends. They have sacrificed their futures because they believed that the good of the one -- you -- was more important to them. Humans make illogical decisions... +Humans make illogical decisions... ... They do, indeed. +Heard there was some excitement. Just a couple of kooks... +How're you doing? Fine. Just fine. +Fine. Just fine. Don't tell me fish stories, kiddo. I've known you too long. +Don't tell me fish stories, kiddo. I've known you too long. Bob... it's tearing me apart. +Bob... it's tearing me apart. I know. I feel the same thing. But we're between a rock and a hard place. We can't keep them without risking their lives and we can't let them go without a taking the same chance. +I know. I feel the same thing. But we're between a rock and a hard place. We can't keep them without risking their lives and we can't let them go without a taking the same chance. Yeah. +Yeah. And finally, they're not human beings, you know. Their intelligence has in no way been proven comparable to ours -- +And finally, they're not human beings, you know. Their intelligence has in no way been proven comparable to ours -- I don't know about you, but my compassion for someone is not limited to my estimate of their intelligence. I mean whales may not have painted the Mona Lisa or invented the dirt bike but they didn't ravish the land either. +Sorry if I spoke out of turn. Not at all. You gave me things to think about. You always do. You do sound a little wrecked, why don't you go home and stare at the ceiling? +Not at all. You gave me things to think about. You always do. You do sound a little wrecked, why don't you go home and stare at the ceiling? Why don't I? +You -- sent them away. Without even letting me say goodbye? Gillian -- +Professor Scott, I'm Dr. Nichols, plant manager. I'm terribly sorry but there's been an awful mix-up Would you believe I was never told about your visit? I tried to clear things up, Professor Scott. I explained you'd come all the way from Edinburgh on appointment to study manufacturing methods here at Plexico, but they don't seem to know anything about it. +Well, so much for the tour of our humble plant. I must say, Professor your knowledge of engineering is most impressive. Back home, we call him the miracle worker. +Back home, we call him the miracle worker. Indeed... May I offer you gentlemen anything? +He never jokes... Perhaps the professor could use your computer. Please... +No! No... What did you have in mind...? A moment alone, please. +You'd think they could at least send a ship. Bad enough to be court marshaled and spend the rest of our lives mining borite -- but to come home in this Klingon flea trap... We could learn a thing or two from this flea trap. It has a cloaking device that cost us a lot. +We could learn a thing or two from this flea trap. It has a cloaking device that cost us a lot. I just wish we could cloak the stench. +You sure this is such a bright idea? What do you mean? +What do you mean? I mean him, back at his post, like nothing happened. I don't know if you'd got the whole picture but he isn't exactly working on all thrusters. +I mean him, back at his post, like nothing happened. I don't know if you'd got the whole picture but he isn't exactly working on all thrusters. It'll come back to him. +It'll come back to him. Are you sure? That's what I thought. +Are you sure? That's what I thought. Mr. Sulu... Take us home... +Bones -- Dammit, Jim, they've made him into a goddam green-blooded computer! +Bones, stay here. No way -- somebody has to keep an eye on him! +Now wait just a damn minute. Spock, start your computations for time warp. Come on, Bones. Let's pay Scotty a visit. +You're really going to try this time travel in this rust bucket? We've done it before. +We've done it before. Sure, slingshot around the Sun. If you pick up enough speed you're in time warp. If you don't, you fry.. +Sure, slingshot around the Sun. If you pick up enough speed you're in time warp. If you don't, you fry.. Would you prefer to do nothing? +I prefer a dose of common sense. you are proposing to head backwards in time, find Humpback Whales, then bring them forward in time, drop them off - and hope they tell this Probe what to do with itself! -- That's the general idea. +-- That's the general idea. That's crazy! +That's crazy! If you have a better idea - now's the time. +It doesn't look all that different. Let's hope so, Bones. Mr. Sulu, set us down in Golden Gate Park. +Oh, joy. Captain Spock and I will attempt to trace these whale songs to their source. +Jim, you've got to let me go in there! Don't leave him in the hands of Twentieth Century medicine. What do you think, Spock? +What did you say she was getting? Cramps. +An experimental device, doctor. Tearing of the middle meningeal artery... +Wake up, man, wake up! Come on, Pavel... +He's coming 'round, Jim... Pavel, can you hear me? Give me your name and rank... +Congratulations, Jim. I think you've saved the Earth. Not me, Bones... They did it. +Hi... Busy? Uhura is busy. I am monitoring. +Uhura is busy. I am monitoring. Umm. Well, just wanted to say -- nice to have your katra back in your head, not mine. I mean, I may have carried your soul, but I sure couldn't fill your shoes. +Umm. Well, just wanted to say -- nice to have your katra back in your head, not mine. I mean, I may have carried your soul, but I sure couldn't fill your shoes. ... My shoes... +... My shoes... Forget it... How 'bout covering a little philosophical ground? Life, Death, Life... Things of that nature? +Forget it... How 'bout covering a little philosophical ground? Life, Death, Life... Things of that nature? I did not have time on Vulcan to review the Philosophical disciplines. +I did not have time on Vulcan to review the Philosophical disciplines. Spock, it's me, Bones! I mean our experience was unique. You really have gone where no man has gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like? +Spock, it's me, Bones! I mean our experience was unique. You really have gone where no man has gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like? It would be impossible to discuss the subject without a common frame of reference. +It would be impossible to discuss the subject without a common frame of reference. You're joking...! +You're joking...! A joke is a story with a humorous climax. +A joke is a story with a humorous climax. You mean I have to die to discuss your insights on death? +You mean I have to die to discuss your insights on death? Pardon me, Doctor, I am hearing many calls of distress. +Most unusual. An unknown form of energy of great intelligence and power. I find it illogical that its intentions are hostile... "Really? You think this is its way of saying ""Hi there"" to the people of the Earth?" +"Really? You think this is its way of saying ""Hi there"" to the people of the Earth?" There are millions of other species on Earth, Doctor. Only human arrogance would assume the message was meant for man. +There are millions of other species on Earth, Doctor. Only human arrogance would assume the message was meant for man. I liked him better before he died. +Specifically, Humpback Whales. That's crazy! Who would send a probe hundreds of light years to talk to a whale? +10 million years earlier. Humpbacks were heavily hunted by Man. They have been extinct since the 21st Century... It is possible that an alien intelligence sent the probe to determine why they lost contact. ... My God... +You just said there aren't any except on Earth of the past. That is what I said, Doctor. +That is what I said, Doctor. Then how.? +Angels and ministers of grace, defend us. Hamlet, Act I scene 4. +You, ah... You present the appearance of a man with a problem. Your perception is correct, Doctor... In order to return us to the exact moment at which we left the 23rd Century, I have used our journey back through time as a referent, calculating the coefficient of elapsed time in relation to the acceleration curve. +Your perception is correct, Doctor... In order to return us to the exact moment at which we left the 23rd Century, I have used our journey back through time as a referent, calculating the coefficient of elapsed time in relation to the acceleration curve. Naturally. So what is your problem? +Naturally. So what is your problem? Acceleration is no longer a constant. +Acceleration is no longer a constant. Well, you're gonna have to take your best shot. +Well, you're gonna have to take your best shot. ... Best shot...? +... Best shot...? Guess, Spock. Your best guess. +Guess, Spock. Your best guess. """Guessing"" is not in my nature..." +"""Guessing"" is not in my nature..." Well nobody's perfect... +... I don't think he understands... "No, Spock. It means he feels safer about your ""guesses"" than most other peoples facts." +You're saying... It is a compliment. It is. +Who are you? Doctor Adams was supposed to assist me. We're just -- observing. +We're just -- observing. I was not informed about observers. +What the hell do you think you're doing? Reading the patient's vital signs. +What's your degree in, dentistry? How do you explain slowing pulse, low respiratory rate and coma? +How do you explain slowing pulse, low respiratory rate and coma? Fundoscopic examination -- +Fundoscopic examination -- Fundoscopic examination is unrevealing in these cases! +Fundoscopic examination is unrevealing in these cases! A simple evacuation of the expanding epidural hematoma will relieve the pressure. +A simple evacuation of the expanding epidural hematoma will relieve the pressure. My God, man, drilling holes in his head is not the answer. The artery must be repaired without delay or he will die! So put away your butcher knives and let me save the patient! +What's causing that!? Captain, their call is being carried on an amplification wave of enormous power! +Captain, their call is being carried on an amplification wave of enormous power! Can you isolate the wave? +Can you isolate the wave? Negative. It's impacting on all our systems! +Damage report! Captain... All systems have failed... We are functioning on reserve power only. +Captain... All systems have failed... We are functioning on reserve power only. We're out of control -- Rig for collision... +Find it? "Yes, under ""U.S. Government."" Now we need directions." +Team leader, this is team 2. Come in, please... I have the coordinates of the reactor... +I have the coordinates of the reactor... ... It gives me a great sense of history. +... It gives me a great sense of history. It gives me a great sense of danger. We have to beam in next to the reactor room, not in it. +How long? Depends on how much shielding is between us and the reactor. +All right, Commander, you wanna tell us anything? Like what? +Like what? Like who you really are and what you're doing here and what this thing is. +My name is Pavel Chekov. I am a Lt. Commander in Starfleet, United Federation of Planets, service number 656-5827b. All right. Let's take it from the top. +All right. Let's take it from the top. The top of what? +The top of what? Name? +Name? My name? +My name? No, my name. +No, my name. I do not know your name. +I do not know your name. You play games with me and you're through +You play games with me and you're through I am? May I go now? +Okay... Make nice and give us the ray gun. I varn you. If you don't lie on the floor, I vill have to stun you. +I varn you. If you don't lie on the floor, I vill have to stun you. Go ahead. Stun me. +Go ahead. Stun me. I'm wery sorry, but -- +Operational, Admiral. Cloaking Device now available in all modes of flight. I'm impressed, Mr. Chekov. A lot of effort for a short voyage. +I'm impressed, Mr. Chekov. A lot of effort for a short voyage. We are in an enemy wessel, sir. I didn't wish to be shot down on thee way to our own funeral. +We are in an enemy wessel, sir. I didn't wish to be shot down on thee way to our own funeral. Most prudent. Engine room. Report, Scotty. +No, sir. And no Federation wessels on assigned patrol stations. That's odd. Uhura, what's on the Comm channels...? +Shields, Mr. Chekov. Shields, aye. +Shields, aye. May fortune favor the foolish. Mr. Sulu, Warp Speed! +No choice now, Scotty! Sir, heat shields at maximum! +Yes, sir. Dr. McCoy, you, Mr. Scott and Commander Sulu will convert us a whale tank. +Ah, well done, team 2. And Admiral, it's the Enterprise. +And Admiral, it's the Enterprise. Understood. What is your plan? +Cloaking device is stable... All systems normal. Stabilize Energy Reserve!... Report helm: +The mains are down, sir! Aux power is not responding. Mr. Sulu, switch to manual control! +Status report, Admiral! Mr. President, the Probe has passed through all quadrants. The starships Shepard and Yorktown and three smaller vessels have been neutralized. +Mr. President, the Probe has passed through all quadrants. The starships Shepard and Yorktown and three smaller vessels have been neutralized. """Neutralized?"" How?" +"""Neutralized?"" How?" We don't know. It's using forms of energy our best scientists do not understand... +We don't know. It's using forms of energy our best scientists do not understand... Can you protect us? +Can you protect us? We are launching everything we have. +To hunt a species to extinction is not logical. Whoever said the human race was logical? Now if you'll follow me, I'll introduce you to the Institute's pride and joy. +Attempting the hell to communicate. Communicate? Communicate what? You have no right to be here! +They like you very much. But they are not the hell your whales. I suppose they told you that...? +I suppose they told you that...? The hell they did. +So you were at Berkeley. I was not. +Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor? You're not one of those guys from the military, are you? Trying to teach whales to retrieve torpedoes, or some dipshit stuff like that? +You sure you won't change your mind? Is there something wrong with the one I have? +You mean man... To put it mildly. Since the dawn of time, men have harvested whales for a variety of purposes, most of which can be achieved synthetically at this point. A hundred years ago, using hand-thrown harpoons, they did plenty of damage -- but that was nothing compared to what they've achieved in this century. +They are mature humpbacks, weighing 45,000 pounds each. They wandered into San Francisco Bay as calves and were brought here. We call them George and Gracie. It's perfect, Spock: a male, a female, together in a contained space can beam them up together and consider ourselves damn lucky... +Despite all the things they are teaching us we have to return George and Gracie to the open sea. Why's that? +Why's that? Well, for one thing, we simply don't have the money to keep feeding them a couple of tons of shrimp a day! +Well, for one thing, we simply don't have the money to keep feeding them a couple of tons of shrimp a day! How soon? +How soon? Soon... It's too bad because they're very friendly as you can see. I've grown quite attached to them... This way. +Ohhhkay. I don't know what this is about, but I want you guys outta here right now or I call the cops. I assure you that won't be necessary. We were only trying to help... +I assure you that won't be necessary. We were only trying to help... The hell you were, buster. Your friend was messing up my tank and messing up my whales... +Back to San Francisco. Came all the way down here to jump in and swim with the kiddies, huh? +Came all the way down here to jump in and swim with the kiddies, huh? There's really very little point in my trying to explain. +There's really very little point in my trying to explain. I buy that. What about him? +I buy that. What about him? He's harmless. Back in the sixties he was part of the Free Speech movement at Berkeley. I think he did too much LDS. +He's harmless. Back in the sixties he was part of the Free Speech movement at Berkeley. I think he did too much LDS. LDS?? Are you dyslexic on top of everything else? Come on, Lemme give you a lift. I have a notorious weakness for hard luck cases -- that's why I work with whales. +LDS?? Are you dyslexic on top of everything else? Come on, Lemme give you a lift. I have a notorious weakness for hard luck cases -- that's why I work with whales. We don't want to be any trouble. +We don't want to be any trouble. You've already been that. C'mon. +Thanks. Don't mention it. And don't try anything, either. I got a tire iron right where I can get at it. +Memory problems, too. Uh huh. What about you? Where you from? +Uh huh. What about you? Where you from? Iowa. +Iowa. A landlubber. Come on, what the hell were you boys really trying to do back there? Was it some kinda macho thing? If that's all, I'm gonna be real disappointed. I hate that macho type. +A landlubber. Come on, what the hell were you boys really trying to do back there? Was it some kinda macho thing? If that's all, I'm gonna be real disappointed. I hate that macho type. Can I ask you something? +Can I ask you something? Go ahead. +Go ahead. What's going to happen when you release the whales? +They're gonna hafta take their chances. What does that mean, exactly? Take their chances. +What does that mean, exactly? Take their chances. It means that they will be at risk from whale hunters -- same as the rest of the humpbacks. What did you mean when you said all that stuff back at the Institute about extinction? +No, ma'am. No dipshit. Well, that's something. I'da let you off right here. +All right. Who are you? and don't jerk me around any more. I want to know how you know that. We can't tell you. Please, just -- let me finish. I can tell you that we're not in the military and that we intend no harm to the whales. +We can't tell you. Please, just -- let me finish. I can tell you that we're not in the military and that we intend no harm to the whales. Then -- +Then -- In fact, we may be able to help -- in ways that, frankly, you couldn't possibly imagine. +In fact, we may be able to help -- in ways that, frankly, you couldn't possibly imagine. Or believe, I'll bet. +Or believe, I'll bet. Very likely. You're not exactly catching us at our best. +Just a little joke. See you later, old friend. How did you know Gracie's pregnant? Nobody knows that. +He's just going to hang around the bushes while we eat? It's his way. +Do you trust me? Implicitly. +Implicitly. Good. A large mushroom and pepperoni with extra onions. And a Michelob. +So how did a nice girl like you get to be a cetacean biologist? Just lucky, I guess. +Just lucky, I guess. You're upset about losing the whales. +You're upset about losing the whales. ... You're very perceptive. +... You're very perceptive. How will that be done, exactly? +How will that be done, exactly? They'll be flown in a special 747 to Alaska and released there. +They'll be flown in a special 747 to Alaska and released there. Flown... And that's the last you'll see of them? +Flown... And that's the last you'll see of them? See, yes. But we'll tag them with radio transmitters on a special frequency so we can keep tabs on them. +See, yes. But we'll tag them with radio transmitters on a special frequency so we can keep tabs on them. You know, I could take those whales somewhere they wouldn't be hunted. +You know, I could take those whales somewhere they wouldn't be hunted. You? You can't even get from Sausalito to San Francisco without a lift. +Thanks. Cheers. If you have such a low opinion of my abilities, how come we're having dinner? +If you have such a low opinion of my abilities, how come we're having dinner? I told you: I'm a sucker for hard luck cases. Besides, I want to know why you travel around with that ditzy guy who knows that Gracie is pregnant and calls you Admiral. +Where could you take them? Hm? +Hm? My whales? Where could you take them where they'd be safe? +My whales? Where could you take them where they'd be safe? It's not so much a matter of a place as of time. +It's not so much a matter of a place as of time. Sorry, the time would have to be right now. +Sorry, the time would have to be right now. What do you mean now? +What do you mean now? Let's just say that no humpback born in captivity has ever survived. Problem is, they won't be a whole lot safer at sea because of all the hunting this time of year... So that, as they say, is that. Damn. +What's that? What's what? +What's what? You got a pocket pager? What are you, a doctor? +Wanna try it from the top? Tell me when the whales are going to be released? +Tell me when the whales are going to be released? ... Who are you? +... Who are you? Who do you think I am? +Don't tell me: you're from outer space. No, I'm from Iowa. I just work in outer space. +No, I'm from Iowa. I just work in outer space. Well, I was close. I knew outer space was going to come into it sooner or later. +Well, I was close. I knew outer space was going to come into it sooner or later. All right. The truth? +All right. The truth? I'm all ears. +I'm all ears. That's what you think. Okay...Truth... I'm from what, on your calendar, would be the late 23rd Century. I've been sent back in time to bring two Humpback Whales with me in an attempt to... repopulate the species. +That's what you think. Okay...Truth... I'm from what, on your calendar, would be the late 23rd Century. I've been sent back in time to bring two Humpback Whales with me in an attempt to... repopulate the species. Well, why didn't you say so? Why all the coy disguises? +Well, why didn't you say so? Why all the coy disguises? You want the details? +You want the details? Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for all the tea in China. +Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for all the tea in China. Then tell me when the whales are leaving. +Then tell me when the whales are leaving. Jesus, you are persistent. Okay, your friend was right. Gracie is not only pregnant, she is very pregnant... At noon tomorrow -- in what is sure to be a media circus -- the whales get shipped out. +Jesus, you are persistent. Okay, your friend was right. Gracie is not only pregnant, she is very pregnant... At noon tomorrow -- in what is sure to be a media circus -- the whales get shipped out. Noon tomorrow...?! +"Well, ""Admiral,"" that may be the strangest dinner of my life and the biggest cockamamie fish story I've ever heard." You asked. Now, will you tell me something? George and Gracie's transmitter. What's the frequency? +Sorry, that's classified. I don't really have a clue who you are... You wouldn't want to show me around your space ship, would you? It wouldn't be my first choice, no. +It wouldn't be my first choice, no. So. There we are. +So. There we are. Lemme tell you something. I'm here to bring two humpbacks into the 23rd Century. If I have to, I'll go to the open sea to get them, but I'd just as soon take yours -- better for me, better for you... and better for them. +Lemme tell you something. I'm here to bring two humpbacks into the 23rd Century. If I have to, I'll go to the open sea to get them, but I'd just as soon take yours -- better for me, better for you... and better for them. I bet you're a damn good poker player. +I bet you're a damn good poker player. Think about it -- but don't take too long because I'm out of time. If you change your mind, this is where I'll be. +Think about it -- but don't take too long because I'm out of time. If you change your mind, this is where I'll be. Here... In the park? +Here... In the park? Right. +It's true... what you said... Yes... And I'm glad you're here. Though I'll admit, you picked a hellova time to drop in... +Steady, now. We need your help. Have I flipped out? ... Is any of this real? +Have I flipped out? ... Is any of this real? It's all real. Look. The storage tanks for the whales. +It's all real. Look. The storage tanks for the whales. But Kirk... +But Kirk... We'll bring them up just like we brought you. It's called a transporter beam... +We'll bring them up just like we brought you. It's called a transporter beam... Kirk. They're gone. +Kirk. They're gone. ... Gone?! +... Gone?! They were taken last night. I wasn't told. They're in Alaska by now. +They were taken last night. I wasn't told. They're in Alaska by now. ... Damn! +What kind of spaceship is this, anyway? A spaceship with a missing man. +If we keep going up, they'll catch us! Calm yourself, Nurse. Scotty, get us out of here! +Gillian... Would the whales be at sea by now? Yes... If you have a chart on board, I can show you. +Yes... If you have a chart on board, I can show you. All I need is the radio frequency to track them. +All I need is the radio frequency to track them. What are you talking about? I'm coming with you. +What are you talking about? I'm coming with you. You can't. Our next stop is the 23rd Century. +You can't. Our next stop is the 23rd Century. What do I care? I've got nobody but those whales... +What do I care? I've got nobody but those whales... I have no time to argue, Gillian. Or even tell you how much you've meant to us... The frequency. +I have no time to argue, Gillian. Or even tell you how much you've meant to us... The frequency. All right. The frequency is 401 megahertz. +All right. The frequency is 401 megahertz. Thank you. For everything. Beam me up, Scotty. +You tricked me. You need me. +Oh my God, we're too late! Mr. Sulu: full power descent! +... What does that mean? He means our chances of getting home are not very good. You might have lived a longer life if you'd stayed where you belong. +He means our chances of getting home are not very good. You might have lived a longer life if you'd stayed where you belong. I belong here. Suppose by some miracle you do get them through. Who in the 23rd Century knows anything about Humpback whales? +I belong here. Suppose by some miracle you do get them through. Who in the 23rd Century knows anything about Humpback whales? ... You have a point... +Hey! -- Where you going?! You're going to your ship, I'm going to mine. Science Vessel. I've got 300 years of catch-up learning to do. +You're going to your ship, I'm going to mine. Science Vessel. I've got 300 years of catch-up learning to do. You mean this is -- goodbye? +You mean this is -- goodbye? Why does it have to be goodbye? +Why does it have to be goodbye? Well, I... As they say in your century -- I don't even have your phone number. How will I find you? +Well, I... As they say in your century -- I don't even have your phone number. How will I find you? Don't worry. I'll find you. See you around the galaxy... +Permission to come aboard. Permission granted. +Permission granted. Thank you, Admiral. +Thank you, Admiral. Jim, Spock, Jim. Remember...? +Jim, Spock, Jim. Remember...? It would be improper to refer to you as Jim while you are in command, Admiral... Also, I must apologize for my attire. I seem to have misplaced my uniform. +It would be improper to refer to you as Jim while you are in command, Admiral... Also, I must apologize for my attire. I seem to have misplaced my uniform. Well, I... find that understandable I mean, you've been through a lot. Station, please. +Spock -- you're suggesting the transmission is meant for life form other than man? A distinct possibility, Admiral. The President did say the transmission was directed at the Earth's Oceans +A distinct possibility, Admiral. The President did say the transmission was directed at the Earth's Oceans Uhura... Can you modify the Probe's signals by accounting for density temperature and salinity factors? +Where are you going?! To the on-board computer room. To confirm my suspicion. +Spock...? As suspected, the Probe's transmissions are the songs sung by whales. +As suspected, the Probe's transmissions are the songs sung by whales. Whales? +Spock, could the Humpback's answer to this call be simulated? The sounds, but not the language. We would be responding in gibberish. +The sounds, but not the language. We would be responding in gibberish. Is there any other planet where this species exists? +Is there any other planet where this species exists? The Humpback was indigenous to Earth. Earth of the past. +The Humpback was indigenous to Earth. Earth of the past. That leaves us no choice. We must destroy the probe before it destroys Earth. +That leaves us no choice. We must destroy the probe before it destroys Earth. That would be futile, Admiral. The probe would neutralize us easily. +That would be futile, Admiral. The probe would neutralize us easily. But we can't turn away! Is there no alternative? +But we can't turn away! Is there no alternative? There is one, but I cannot guarantee its success. We could attempt to find some Humpback Whales. +Mr. Spock, your computations? In progress, Admiral. +In progress, Admiral. Uhura. Get me through to Starfleet Command. +Ready to engage computer, Admiral. What is our target in time? +What is our target in time? The late 20th Century. +The late 20th Century. Surely you can be more specific... +Surely you can be more specific... Not with this equipment. I have had to program some of the variables from memory. +Not with this equipment. I have had to program some of the variables from memory. What are the variables...? +What are the variables...? Availability of fuel components; Mass of the vessel through a time continuum, and the probable location of Humpbacks, in this case, the Pacific basin. +Availability of fuel components; Mass of the vessel through a time continuum, and the probable location of Humpbacks, in this case, the Pacific basin. You've programmed that from memory...? +You've programmed that from memory...? I have. +Earth... But when?... Spock? Judging by the pollution content of the atmosphere, I believe we have arrived at the late 20th Century. +Judging by the pollution content of the atmosphere, I believe we have arrived at the late 20th Century. Well done, Mr. Spock. +Home in on the strongest signal. Descend from orbit. Admiral, if I may: we're probably already visible to the tracking devices of the time. +Admiral, if I may: we're probably already visible to the tracking devices of the time. Quite right, Spock. Mr. Chekov, engage cloaking device! +There is a 20th Century possibility. Explain. +Explain. If memory serves, there was a dubious flirtation with nuclear fission reactors resulting in toxic side effects. By the beginning of the fusion era, these reactors had been replaced, but at this time, we should be able to find some. +If memory serves, there was a dubious flirtation with nuclear fission reactors resulting in toxic side effects. By the beginning of the fusion era, these reactors had been replaced, but at this time, we should be able to find some. But you said toxic. +But you said toxic. We could rig a device to collect their high energy photons safely; we could then inject the photons into the dilithium chamber, causing crystalline restructure.... Theoretically. +We could rig a device to collect their high energy photons safely; we could then inject the photons into the dilithium chamber, causing crystalline restructure.... Theoretically. Where would we find these reactors... Theoretically. +Where would we find these reactors... Theoretically. Nuclear power was widely used in naval vessels... +Weren't those a birthday present from Dr. McCoy? And they will be again, Spock. That's the beauty of it. How much? +Well, Spock, thanks to your restored memory and a little bit of luck, we are in the streets of San Francisco looking for a pair of humpback whales. How do you propose to solve this minor problem? Simple logic will suffice. We need a map. That one should do. +I think we'll find what we're looking for at the Cetacean Institute in Sausalito. Two Humpbacks called George and Gracie. How do you know this...? +How do you know this...? ... Simple logic. +As you observed, a primitive Culture. Yes. +Yes. Admiral, may I ask you a question? +Admiral, may I ask you a question? Spock, don't call me Admiral. Don't you remember: you used to call me Jim... Now what's your question? +Spock, don't call me Admiral. Don't you remember: you used to call me Jim... Now what's your question? "Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with -- shall I say -- more colorful metaphors: ""Double dumb ass on you"" -- and so forth..." +"Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with -- shall I say -- more colorful metaphors: ""Double dumb ass on you"" -- and so forth..." You mean profanity. That's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you if you don't swear every other word. You'll find it in all the literature of the period. +You mean profanity. That's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you if you don't swear every other word. You'll find it in all the literature of the period. For example? +Oh, the complete works of Jacqueline Susan, the novels of Harold Robbins.... Ah... The giants. +Come on, fellah -- speak up! Admiral, if we were to assume these. whales are ours to do with as we please, we would be as guilty as those who caused their extinction. +Spock... Yes? +Yes? About those colorful metaphors we discussed. I don't think you should try to use them. +About those colorful metaphors we discussed. I don't think you should try to use them. Why not? +Why not? Well, for one thing, you haven't quite got the hang of it. +Well, for one thing, you haven't quite got the hang of it. I see. +I see. And another thing... It is not always necessary to tell the truth. +And another thing... It is not always necessary to tell the truth. I cannot tell a lie. +I cannot tell a lie. You don't have to lie... You could exaggerate. +You don't have to lie... You could exaggerate. Exaggerate. +Exaggerate. You've done it before. Can't you remember? +You've done it before. Can't you remember? The hell I can't +The hell I can't What else did you learn from your mind meld? +What else did you learn from your mind meld? They are very unhappy about the way their species has been treated by man. +They are very unhappy about the way their species has been treated by man. They have a right to be... Do you think they'll help us? +They have a right to be... Do you think they'll help us? I believe I was successful in communicating our intentions. +I believe I was successful in communicating our intentions. ... I see. +It's her -- from the Institute. If we play our cards right, we may learn when those whales are really leaving. How will playing cards help? +I meant -- He meant what you were saying on the tour: that if things keep on the way they're going, humpbacks will disappear forever. +Status? The tank will be finished by morning... +The tank will be finished by morning... That's cutting it closer than you know. What about team two? +That's cutting it closer than you know. What about team two? No word since beam-in. We can only wait for their call. +No word since beam-in. We can only wait for their call. Damn.... Damnit! We've been so lucky. We have the two perfect whales in our hands, but if we don't move quickly, we'll lose them! +Damn.... Damnit! We've been so lucky. We have the two perfect whales in our hands, but if we don't move quickly, we'll lose them! In that event, the probabilities are that our mission would fail. +In that event, the probabilities are that our mission would fail. Our mission! Goddam it, Spock, you're talking about the end of every life on Earth! You're half human, haven't you got any goddamned feelings about that!! +Admiral. Full power is restored. Thank you, Spock. +Admiral, may I suggest that Dr. McCoy is correct. We must help Chekov. Is that the logical thing to do, Spock...? +Is that the logical thing to do, Spock...? No, Admiral... But is the human thing to do. +No, Admiral... But is the human thing to do. Right. Will you help us? +Mr. Spock, where the hell is the power you promised me? Admiral, you must wait one damn minute. +Mr. Sulu, take the con. I'm taking our guest down to see her whales. Mr. Spock: have you accounted for the variable mass of whales and water in your time re-entry program? Mr. Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral. So I will... Make a guess. +Mr. Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral. So I will... Make a guess. You? Spock, that's extraordinary. +Can we make breakaway speed!? Hardly, Admiral, I cannot even guarantee we will escape the Sun's gravity! I will attempt to compensate by altering our trajectory. +Spock... Did braking thrusters fire? They did, Admiral. +They did, Admiral. Then... Where the hell are we? +Spock: Condition report! No data, Admiral. Computers are non-functional. +You got us to the right place, Spock. Now all we have to do is get the whales out before we sink. Mr. Scott, come in!... Scotty...?! Damn... Mr. Spock, see to the safety of all hands. I will, Admiral. +Guidance is functional. Onboard Computer will interface with Federation memory bank... Weapons systems? +Estimating Planet Earth one point six hours present speed. Continue on course. Chekov, any signs of Federation escort? +Warp two... three... Steady as she goes... +Warp Nine... Nine point two... Nine point three... Mr. Sulu, we need breakaway speed! +Mr. Sulu, we need breakaway speed! Hang on, sir... Nine point seven... point eight... Breakaway threshold... +Hang on, sir... Nine point seven... point eight... Breakaway threshold... Steady!!... Now, Mr. Sulu! +Mr. Sulu...? ... Mr. Sulu?! ... Aye sir...? +... Aye sir...? What is our condition? +What is our condition? Sir... Braking thrusters seem to have fired. +Sir... Braking thrusters seem to have fired. Picture, please. +Aye, sir. Descending. We'll divide into teams. Commanders Chekov and Uhura are assigned to the Uranium problem. +Ready sir. Go, Mr. Sulu. +Maintaining impulse climb. Wing five by zero, helm steady. Advise reaching 10,000. Steer three-one-zero. +Advise reaching 10,000. Steer three-one-zero. Three-one-zero, aye! +Three-one-zero, aye! Uhura, scan for the whales. 401 megahertz! +10,000 M.S.L., Admiral. Wing to cruise configuration... Full impulse power. +Wing to cruise configuration... Full impulse power. Aye, sir... Three-one-zero to the Bering Sea. E.T.A.: 12 minutes. +10 seconds, sir! Hover on my mark, Mr. Sulu! Mr. Chekov, stand by de-cloaking -- Scotty, ready for power build up! Mark, Mr. Sulu... +I have no control, sir! Picture, Uhura! +Sir -- I've got some back pressure on manual -- Ground cushion! Keep the nose up if you can -- +Let's see what she's got, Mr. Sulu. Aye, sir! +Systems report. Communications? Communications Systems ready. Communications Officer -- ready as she'll ever be. +Communications Systems ready. Communications Officer -- ready as she'll ever be. Mr. Sulu? +What is it? Overlapping distress calls. Some from Starships... others... +Overlapping distress calls. Some from Starships... others... On screen! +Then, this is what it would sound like underwater? Yes, sir. +Admiral, I am receiving whale songs. On speakers. +Individual whale song getting stronger... This is strange, Admiral. The song is directly ahead. It's coming from San Francisco. From a city? That doesn't make sense.... +I'll have bearing and distance for you, sir. Right. Now look: I want you all to be very careful. This is terra incognita. Many customs will doubtless take us by surprise. It's a forgone conclusion these people have never seen an extra-terrestrial before. +We'll stick together till we get orientated. Bearing to the whales? 283 degrees... 15.2 kilometers... +283 degrees... 15.2 kilometers... Everyone remember where we parked. +Any luck...? Nothing... I should never have left him... +Nothing... I should never have left him... Uhura, you did what was necessary. Keep trying. You'll find him... +I've found Chekov, sir: he's in emergency surgery right now. Uhura!... Where! +Uhura!... Where! Mercy Hospital. +Bearing! Bearing 327, range 600 nautical. +Bearing 327, range 600 nautical. Put them on screen! +Admiral, I have a signal closing on the whales. Bearing 328 degrees. On screen. +Estimate range, ship to whales! Sir... Estimating one nautical mile. +Unidentified aircraft, 40,000 feet MSL, range 30 miles, bearing 010. Mr. Scott -- how soon? +I can't, sir -- Nothing! Out of control, and blind as a bat! +Mr. Scott, how soon can we get underway? Give me one more day, sir. The damage control is easy. Reading Klingon is hard. +We're ready, sir. I've converted the Dilithium Sequencer to something less primitive. And Admiral -- I've replaced the Klingon Food Packs. They was givin' me sour stomach. Appreciated by all, Mr. Scott. Prepare for departure. +Scotty, how long is this bay? About 60 feet, Admiral. +About 60 feet, Admiral. That should be enough. Can you enclose it to hold water? +That should be enough. Can you enclose it to hold water? I suppose I can, sir; are you planning to take a swim? +Scotty, we have to find some Humpbacks. Humpbacked - people.? +Humpbacked - people.? Whales, Scotty. 45 to 50 feet long; about 40 tons a piece. +Whales, Scotty. 45 to 50 feet long; about 40 tons a piece. Admiral - how am I going to handle all that weight? +Admiral - how am I going to handle all that weight? You'll work it out, Scotty. And remember: two of them. +You'll work it out, Scotty. And remember: two of them. Two? +Two? It takes two to tango, Mr. Scott. +They're giving out. De-crystallizing. Give me a round figure, Mr. Scott. +Give me a round figure, Mr. Scott. Oh, twenty-four hours, give or take, staying cloaked. After that, Admiral, we'll be visible -- and dead in the water. In any case, we won't have enough to break out of the Earth's gravity, to say nothing of getting back home. +I can't believe we've come this far only to be stopped by this! Scotty, is there any way dilithium can be re-crystallized? Sorry, sir. We can't even do that in the 23rd Century. +What is it? I thought I told you never to call me -- Sorry, Admiral. We just thought you'll like to know, we're beaming them now. +Sorry, Admiral. We just thought you'll like to know, we're beaming them now. Oh I see -- Tell Them phasers on stun. Good luck. Kirk out. +It's going slow, sir. It'll be well into tomorrow. Not good enough, Scotty. You've got to do better! +Not good enough, Scotty. You've got to do better! I'll try, sir. Scott out. Well now, he's got himself in a bit of a snit, don't he. +I'm ready Spock. Let's go find George and Gracie... Mr. Sulu? +Scotty: Are the whale tanks secure? Aye. But I've never beamed up 400 tons before. +Stay with me, sir -- I need more power curve... How long, Scotty? +How long, Scotty? 10 seconds, Admiral; 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1. +Admiral! There be whales here! Well done, Mr. Scott. How soon can we be ready for warp speed? +Well done, Mr. Scott. How soon can we be ready for warp speed? I'll have to re-energize. +I'll have to re-energize. Don't take too long. We're sitting ducks for their radar systems... Mr. Sulu, impulse climb. +Stand by, sir. Miracle worker at work... Mr. Scott, don't make jokes, we are in danger of - +Mr. Scott, don't make jokes, we are in danger of - Full power, sir. +Full power, sir. Mr. Sulu, if you please. +Ironic. When man was killing these creatures, he was destroying his own future... The beasties seem happy to see you, Doctor. I hope you like our little aquarium. +You better get up there, sir. We're having some power fall-off... On my way...! +The whales...?! No power to the bay doors. +No power to the bay doors. The explosive override -- ? +The explosive override -- ? It's under water! There's no way to reach it... +It's under water! There's no way to reach it... Go on ahead... Close the hatch! +Go on ahead... Close the hatch! Admiral, you'll be trapped! +Excelsior? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts? Scotty, don't prejudge. A ship is a ship. +Admiral, I'd like to continue my work on the ship until you leave. Thank you, Lt. Saavik. +Thank you, Lt. Saavik. And... Here is a deposition I have made. If it is not sufficient, I will return to Earth to testify. +And... Here is a deposition I have made. If it is not sufficient, I will return to Earth to testify. Don't concern yourself, Saavik. Your leave has been granted for good and proper cause. How are you feeling? +Don't concern yourself, Saavik. Your leave has been granted for good and proper cause. How are you feeling? I am well, Admiral. +I am well, Admiral. You will be in good hands here. +Well, Saavik. I guess this is goodbye. Yes, Admiral. Sir. I have not had the opportunity to tell you about your son. David died most bravely. He saved Spock. He saved us all... I thought you should know. +"Even as the Federation negotiated a peace treaty with us, Kirk was secretly developing the Genesis torpedo! Conceived by Kirk's son and test detonated by the Admiral himself! The result of this awesome energy was euphemistically called ""The Genesis Planet..."" A secret base from which to launch the. annihilation of the Klingon people! We demand the extradition of Kirk! We demand justice!" Klingon justice is a unique point of view, Mr. President. +Genesis was perfectly named: The creation of life not death. It was the Klingons who had first blood while trying to possess its secrets. Vulcans are well known as the intellectual puppets of the Federation! +Vulcans are well known as the intellectual puppets of the Federation! Your vessel did destroy U.S.S. Grissom. Your men did kill Kirk's son. Do you deny these events? +Your vessel did destroy U.S.S. Grissom. Your men did kill Kirk's son. Do you deny these events? We deny nothing! We have the right to preserve our race! +We deny nothing! We have the right to preserve our race! Do you have the right to murder? +Don't know anything about it? I find it difficult to believe that I've come millions of miles -- Millions? +Professor Scott, if you'll -- I demand to see the owners! I demand -- +With pleasure. Well, that's different. +Well, that's different. If you'll follow me, Professor -- +If you'll follow me, Professor -- I will. Can my assistant come, too? +I will. Can my assistant come, too? Of course. +Doctor Nichols, I might have something to offer you. ... Yes? +... Yes? I notice you're still working with polymers. +I notice you're still working with polymers. Sill? What else would I be working with? +Sill? What else would I be working with? Ah, what else indeed? Let me put it another way: how thick would a piece of your plexiglass need to be at 60 feet by 10 feet to withstand the pressure of 18,000 cubic feet of water? +Ah, what else indeed? Let me put it another way: how thick would a piece of your plexiglass need to be at 60 feet by 10 feet to withstand the pressure of 18,000 cubic feet of water? That's easy: 6 inches. We carry stuff that big in stock. +That's easy: 6 inches. We carry stuff that big in stock. Yes, I noticed. Now suppose -- just suppose -- I could show you a way to manufacture a wall that would do the same job but was only an inch thick. would that be worth something to you, eh? +Yes, I noticed. Now suppose -- just suppose -- I could show you a way to manufacture a wall that would do the same job but was only an inch thick. would that be worth something to you, eh? ... Are you joking? +Hello? Computer...? Just use the keyboard... +Just use the keyboard... The keyboard... How quaint. +Transparent aluminum? That's the ticket, laddie. +That's the ticket, laddie. ... But it would take years just to figure out the dynamics of this matrix...! +Hi. Hi. Huey 205, isn't it? +Hi. Huey 205, isn't it? Right on. You fly? +Right on. You fly? Oh, here and there. I flew something similar in my Academy days. +Oh, here and there. I flew something similar in my Academy days. All right, then this is old stuff to you. +All right, then this is old stuff to you. Old, yes. But interesting. Do you mind if I ask a few questions...? +Father...? I will be returning to Vulcan within the hour... I wanted to take my leave of you. +I will be returning to Vulcan within the hour... I wanted to take my leave of you. It is kind of you to make this effort. +It is kind of you to make this effort. It is not an effort. You are my son. Besides; I am most impressed with your performance in this -- crises. +It is not an effort. You are my son. Besides; I am most impressed with your performance in this -- crises. Most kind, Father. +As I recall, I opposed your enlistment in Starfleet... It is possible that judgment was incorrect. Your associates are people of good character. They are my friends. +They are my friends. Yes, of course... Do you have any message for your mother? +Yes, of course... Do you have any message for your mother? Tell her I feel fine... +Ojichan? Akira ojichaan dewa naino? Koko de nani shiteru no? Gomen nasarei. Hito chigai de gozaranuka na. I'm sorry, my son. You have mis- taken me for someone else. +Gomen nasarei. Hito chigai de gozaranuka na. I'm sorry, my son. You have mis- taken me for someone else. Ah, chigaau hito da. Hanashi kata ga okashii. Yes, this must be true. You talk funny. +Chotto omachi nasarei. Namae wa nanto moosareruka na. Wait my son. What is your name? Sulu Hikaru. +Sulu Hikaru. Ah, sorenara mazu mazu nagaiki wo sareru to mira. Ah... Then I am sure that you will have a long and happy life. +Ah, sorenara mazu mazu nagaiki wo sareru to mira. Ah... Then I am sure that you will have a long and happy life. Arigato. Sayonara. Thank you, honorable sir. +We were under the impression they were being held against their will. It's not our custom to have guests here at all, let alone hold anyone against their will. +My people have a strict policy of non-interference with other cultures. In fact, it's our Prime Directive. Your directive apparently doesn't include spying on other cultures. +Your directive apparently doesn't include spying on other cultures. If I were in your shoes, I'd feel the same way after what happened. The 'artificial lifeform' is a member of my crew. Apparently, he became... ill... +You have warp capability? Capability, yes. But where can warp drive take us, except away from here...? +I understand how you feel. We just want to retrace Data's movements that day... Why? +Why? I don't like to leave questions unanswered. +I don't like to leave questions unanswered. Then you must spend your life answering questions. +I know what a hologram is, Captain. The question is -- why would someone want to create one of our village? Data, if you were following the boy and discovered this ship... +Deceive us? To move you off this planet. You go to sleep one night in your village... wake up the next morning in this flying holodeck transported en masse. A week later, maybe a month, you've been relocated on a similar planet without ever realizing it. +Don't panic... I've been shot at... thrown into the lake out of an invisible ship that's come to abduct us all... what's there to panic about? +There's an unusual metaphasic radiation coming from the planet's rings. It continuously regenerates the cells in our bodies. You must have noticed the effects by now. We've... just begun to. I suppose you're seventy-five. +Clearly, the architects of this conspiracy have tried to keep it a secret. Not just from you, but from my people as well. I don't intend to let them. We've always known that to survive, we had to remain apart. It hasn't been easy. Many of the young people here want to know more about the offland... they're attracted to stories of a faster pace of life... +We've always known that to survive, we had to remain apart. It hasn't been easy. Many of the young people here want to know more about the offland... they're attracted to stories of a faster pace of life... Most of my people who live that faster pace would sell their souls to slow it down. +Most of my people who live that faster pace would sell their souls to slow it down. But not you. +But not you. There are days. +There are days. You don't live up to your reputation as an offlander, Picard. +You don't live up to your reputation as an offlander, Picard. In defense of offlanders, there are many more like me... +In defense of offlanders, there are many more like me... ... who wouldn't be tempted by the promise of perpetual youth? I don't think so. +... who wouldn't be tempted by the promise of perpetual youth? I don't think so. You give me more credit than I deserve. Of course, I'm tempted. Who wouldn't be? But some of the blackest marks in the history of my world have involved the forced relocation of a small group of people to satisfy the demands of a larger one. I'd like to believe we learn from our mistakes. Obviously, some of us haven't. +The craftsmanship is extraordinary. This is a school... that's a student's work. She'll be ready to become an apprentice soon. Then, in thirty or forty years, she'll take her place among the artisans... +This is a school... that's a student's work. She'll be ready to become an apprentice soon. Then, in thirty or forty years, she'll take her place among the artisans... An apprentice for thirty years. We've noticed your people's mental discipline. Did that develop here? +An apprentice for thirty years. We've noticed your people's mental discipline. Did that develop here? More questions. Always the explorer. If you stay long enough, that'll change. +More questions. Always the explorer. If you stay long enough, that'll change. Will it? +Will it? You'll stop reviewing what happened yesterday... stop planning for tomorrow... until you find... Let me ask you a question -- have you ever experienced a perfect moment in time? +You'll stop reviewing what happened yesterday... stop planning for tomorrow... until you find... Let me ask you a question -- have you ever experienced a perfect moment in time? A perfect moment? +A perfect moment? When time seemed to stop... and you could almost live in that moment... +When time seemed to stop... and you could almost live in that moment... Seeing my home planet from space for the first time... +Seeing my home planet from space for the first time... Yes. Exactly. Nothing more complicated than perception. You explore the universe. We've discovered a single moment in time can be a universe in itself... full of powerful forces... most people aren't aware enough of the now... to ever notice them... +Yes. Exactly. Nothing more complicated than perception. You explore the universe. We've discovered a single moment in time can be a universe in itself... full of powerful forces... most people aren't aware enough of the now... to ever notice them... I wish I could spare a few centuries to learn. +I wish I could spare a few centuries to learn. It took us centuries to learn that it doesn't have to take centuries to learn. +There's one thing I don't understand. In three hundred years...you never learned to swim? I just... haven't gotten around to it yet. +I wonder if you're aware of the trust you endanger, Jean-Luc Picard. In my experience, it's unusual for... ... an offlander? +... an offlander? For someone so young. +When we're forced away by the terrain, we'll use transport inhibitors to compensate. The mountains have the highest concentrations. Once we're there, transport will be virtually impossible... There are caves in those mountains. +There are caves in those mountains. We can hold them off a long time... once we get there... But they will not make it easy to get there... +Jak'tahla? Roughly translated: puberty... although for a Klingon that's not doing it justice... Any severe mood swings, unusual aggressive tendencies -- be sure to let me know right away... +Right beyond that ridge is where the caves begin... we can hide for days... By now the Son'a have scanned the area and know that just as well as we do. +"How is it a woman like you never married? And don't tell me you ""just haven't gotten around to it yet""..." What's the rush? +What's the rush? I should warn you... I've always been attracted to older women... +There's a cavern at the base of the next hill... This way! +You're Ro'tin, aren't you...? There's something in the voice. Would you be his friend Gal'na? I helped your mother bathe you when you were a child. She still speaks of you. You've brought the Federation into the middle of a blood feud, Admiral. The children have returned to expel their elders... just as they were once expelled. Except Ru'afo's need for revenge has now escalated to parricide. +Mother and son. You arranged this...? I thought it might begin the healing process. +But I have three hundred and eighteen days of vacation time coming. I plan on using them. I'll be here. +Do you really think your mighty Federation would be interested in protecting six hundred people? "The ""mighty"" Federation could learn a few things from this village..." +There is no need for concern. I am operating within normal parameters now. You're what? +You're what? I am better. +My father told me I shouldn't talk to you. I understand. +I understand. I don't. +Not everyone here agrees with him. I mean, you know, about machines. There was even a big fight about it once. Do you like being a machine? I aspire to be more than I am. +I aspire to be more than I am. I know why. So people like us won't be afraid of you any more. +I know why. So people like us won't be afraid of you any more. Perhaps, that is true. +Don't you ever get tired? My power cells continually re- charge themselves. +My power cells continually re- charge themselves. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a machine. +Perhaps it would surprise you to know that I have often tried to imagine what it would be like to be a child... Really? +Really? Really. +Really. For one thing, your legs are shorter than everyone else's. +For one thing, your legs are shorter than everyone else's. But they are in a constant state of growth. Do you find it difficult to adapt? A child's specifications are never the same from one moment to the next. I am surprised that you do not... trip over your own feet. +But they are in a constant state of growth. Do you find it difficult to adapt? A child's specifications are never the same from one moment to the next. I am surprised that you do not... trip over your own feet. Sometimes I do. +Sometimes I do. My legs are eighty-seven-point- two centimeters. They were eighty-seven-point-two centimeters the day I was created. They will be eighty- seven-point-two centimeters the day I go off line. My operation depends on specifications that do not change. I... cannot imagine... the experience of growing up or even tripping over my own feet... +But you've never had adults telling you what to do all the time... or bedtimes... or having to eat food you don't like... I would gladly accept the requirement of a bedtime in exchange for knowing what it is like to be a child. +I would gladly accept the requirement of a bedtime in exchange for knowing what it is like to be a child. Do machines ever play? +Do machines ever play? I play the violin... and my chess routines are quite advanced... +I play the violin... and my chess routines are quite advanced... No, I mean... +Chase me! For what purpose? +For what purpose? Because you're it. And if you tag me... then I'm it. +Because you're it. And if you tag me... then I'm it. But I can run much faster than you... I am capable of exceeding forty-seven meters per second... +But I can run much faster than you... I am capable of exceeding forty-seven meters per second... Data... haven't you ever just played... for fun? +Data... haven't you ever just played... for fun? Androids... don't have...fun. +Androids... don't have...fun. Why not...? +Why not...? No one's ever asked me that before. +No one's ever asked me that before. If you want to know 'what it's like to be a child', you need to learn how to play... +Anij! Tournel will take you the rest of the way... +Tournel will take you the rest of the way... No... I want to stay with you... +No... I want to stay with you... It is safer there. I will join you shortly. +I have to go home now. Bye. +Can he breathe under water? Data doesn't breathe. +Data doesn't breathe. Won't he rust? +Won't he rust? No. +To many offlanders, what you have here would be more valuable than gold-pressed latinum. And I'm afraid it's the reason that someone is trying to take this world away from you. The artificial lifeform was right? +The artificial lifeform was right? If not for Data, you'd probably have been re-located by now. +Captain, the Son'a hostages declined to be examined. I had them confined to quarters. And our people? +And our people? They all have slightly elevated levels of endorphin production... probably the result of the environmental anomalies here... +They all have slightly elevated levels of endorphin production... probably the result of the environmental anomalies here... Are they in any danger? +Are they in any danger? Not at all. They're fine... in fact, they're better than fine. Increased metabolism, high energy, improved muscle tone. We should all be so lucky. +Not at all. They're fine... in fact, they're better than fine. Increased metabolism, high energy, improved muscle tone. We should all be so lucky. Very good, Doctor. Picard out. +You either need a new uniform or a new neck. 'Yew-cheen chef-faw'... My collar size is exactly the same as it was at the Academy. +'Yew-cheen chef-faw'... My collar size is exactly the same as it was at the Academy. Sure it is. And your hair is still chestnut brown. +Very funny... Your Captain used to cut quite a rug... +Prepare to transport the 'hostages' to the ship... They should be quarantined before joining the ship's population. +Will he live? Yes. But look at this medscan... +She's stabilizing. Is it safe to move her? +Is it safe to move her? Safer than leaving her here. +Hello, Data... Captain, Geordi...? +Captain, Geordi...? You're aboard the Enterprise. +Yes... that looks like them. What's the last thing you remember, Data... +What's the last thing you remember, Data... 'his nose should pant and his lip should curl...' +'his nose should pant and his lip should curl...' From the mission... +From the mission... I was in an isolation suit collecting physiometric data on Ba'ku children. My last memory is going into the hills, following a boy... +I believe the boy is... afraid... of me. It's nothing personal data. You have to remember these people have rejected technology. And you... +It's nothing personal data. You have to remember these people have rejected technology. And you... ... I am the personification of everything they have rejected. +... I am the personification of everything they have rejected. Until this week, that young man probably never saw a machine, let alone one that walks and talks... +Until this week, that young man probably never saw a machine, let alone one that walks and talks... And I do not believe I made a very good first impression. +Tricorder functions are limited due to heavy deposits of kelbonite in these hills... How about a passive radiation scan? +A ship, It is clearly Federation in origin, Captain. +It is clearly Federation in origin, Captain. 'Just a few loose ends to tie up.' +Incomplete, I might add. What you're seeing is a computer driven image created by photons and forcefields... +... it is conceivable I was shot to protect the secret of its existence. What possible purpose could a duplicate village have except... to deceive the Ba'ku... +Why would the Federation or the Son'a wish to move the Ba'ku? I don't know. +Captain, I've activated transport inhibitors around the village... Good. Let's begin to move these people out... +How many? Another forty-three people reported taken, sir... +I'm showing fresh air behind this calcite formation, Captain... Will the structure hold if we blast through? +Will the structure hold if we blast through? I believe it is safe, sir. +Your Federation procedures have made this mission ten times as difficult as it needed to be... Our procedures were in place to protect the planet's population from unnecessary risk... +Our procedures were in place to protect the planet's population from unnecessary risk... Planet's population. Six hundred people. You want to avoid unnecessary risks? Next time leave your android home. +Take us into a high orbit. Lie down, Admiral. The girls will take twenty years off your face... Another time. +Your self-restraint puzzles me, Admiral. You continue to deny yourself every benefit this mission has to offer... I prefer to wait until we can share the benefits with all the people of the Federation... +Your android has turned dangerously violent, Captain... Considerable damage was done to my ship. He must be destroyed. I know what Data means to Starfleet, Jean-Luc... but our crew is at the mercy of those people on the planet... +It isn't safe for you to remain in this area. He's right. Our shields have been upgraded to protect against the environmental anomalies... +Take me down. Let me talk to Picard. Talk... we should send down an assault team and take them by force. +Talk... we should send down an assault team and take them by force. That is not an acceptable option. If people get hurt, all the support we have in the Federation... +That is not an acceptable option. If people get hurt, all the support we have in the Federation... Federation support, Federation procedures, Federation rules... look in the mirror, Admiral... the Federation is old... in the last twenty four months, it's been challenged by every major power in the quadrant -- the Borg, the Cardassians, the Dominion... they all smell the scent of death on the Federation. That's why you've embraced our offer... because it will give your dear Federation new life. Well, how badly do you want it, Admiral? Because there are hard choices to be made now. If the Enterprise gets through with news about their brave Captain's valiant struggle on behalf of the defenseless Ba'ku, your Federation politicians will waver, your Federation opinion polls will open a public debate, your Federation allies will want their say... need I go on? +I'll order Riker to turn around. Picard's first officer. Do you really believe he'll listen? +You're not going to launch anything until... In six hours, every living thing in this system will be dead or dying. +We're taking this ship out of here... this mission is over... It is not over. +It is not over. It is over. +I do not take orders from you. If you begin the procedure while the planet is still populated, the Federation will pursue you until... +You have no idea what precipitated his behavior? ... And now he's holding our people hostage down there... +... And now he's holding our people hostage down there... The Enterprise can be at your position in two days, Admiral... +The Enterprise can be at your position in two days, Admiral... That's probably not a good idea. Your ship hasn't been fitted for this region; there are environmental concerns... +That's probably not a good idea. Your ship hasn't been fitted for this region; there are environmental concerns... What kind of concerns? +What kind of concerns? We haven't fully identified the anomalies yet. They're calling this whole area The Briar Patch... it took us a day to reach a location where we could get a signal out to you. Just get me Data's schematics. I'll keep you informed. Dougherty out. +Captain, I wasn't expecting you. This was too important for the Enterprise to be on the sidelines, Admiral... +This was too important for the Enterprise to be on the sidelines, Admiral... I wish I had better news. Commander Data attacked us in the mission scout ship yesterday. Ru'afo and I have decided to send in an assault team... +I wish I had better news. Commander Data attacked us in the mission scout ship yesterday. Ru'afo and I have decided to send in an assault team... Sir, Commander Worf and I have been working on several tactical plans to safely... +All right. You have twelve hours, Captain. Then I want you out of The Briar Patch. In the meantime, we'll be heading out to the perimeter to call for Son'a reinforcements in case you fail. Understood. +Understood. Good luck. Dougherty out. +... and because they have warp capabilities, the consequences to their society are minimal... You've done a terrific job, Jean- Luc. Now, pack your bags and get the hell out of there. How's Data? +You've done a terrific job, Jean- Luc. Now, pack your bags and get the hell out of there. How's Data? In stasis. La Forge is completing the diagnostic. +In stasis. La Forge is completing the diagnostic. I'll need all your paperwork tomorrow. We're heading back your way. Set a course to rendezvous with us so you can transfer the crew and equipment on your way out. +I'll need all your paperwork tomorrow. We're heading back your way. Set a course to rendezvous with us so you can transfer the crew and equipment on your way out. You're not finished here? +You're not finished here? Just a few loose ends to tie up. Dougherty out. +You're looking well, Jean-Luc. Rested. "Your ""Briar Patch"" turned out to be more hospitable than I expected." +"Your ""Briar Patch"" turned out to be more hospitable than I expected." That's why we put chromodynamic shields in place - so our people wouldn't feel the effects from the metaphasic radiation... +That's why we put chromodynamic shields in place - so our people wouldn't feel the effects from the metaphasic radiation... ... or understand that they were participating in the outright theft of a world. I won't let you move them, Admiral. I'll go to the Federation Council... +... or understand that they were participating in the outright theft of a world. I won't let you move them, Admiral. I'll go to the Federation Council... I'm acting on orders form the Federation Council. +I'm acting on orders form the Federation Council. How can there be an order to abandon the Prime Directive...? +How can there be an order to abandon the Prime Directive...? The Prime Directive doesn't apply. These people are not indigenous to this world. They were never meant to be immortal. We'll simply be restoring their natural evolution. +The Prime Directive doesn't apply. These people are not indigenous to this world. They were never meant to be immortal. We'll simply be restoring their natural evolution. Who are we to decide the next course of evolution for these people? +Who are we to decide the next course of evolution for these people? There are six hundred people down there. We'll be able to use the regenerative properties of this radiation to help billions. The Son'a have developed a procedure to collect the metaphasic particles form the planets rings... +There are six hundred people down there. We'll be able to use the regenerative properties of this radiation to help billions. The Son'a have developed a procedure to collect the metaphasic particles form the planets rings... A planet in Federation space... +A planet in Federation space... Right. We have the planet and they have the technology -- a technology we can't duplicate. You know what that makes us? Their partners. +Right. We have the planet and they have the technology -- a technology we can't duplicate. You know what that makes us? Their partners. Our partners are nothing more than petty thugs. +Our partners are nothing more than petty thugs. On Earth, petroleum once turned petty thugs into world leaders. Warp drive transformed a bunch of Romulan thugs into an empire. We can handle the Son'a, I'm not worried about that... +On Earth, petroleum once turned petty thugs into world leaders. Warp drive transformed a bunch of Romulan thugs into an empire. We can handle the Son'a, I'm not worried about that... Someone probably said the same thing about the Romulans a century ago. +Someone probably said the same thing about the Romulans a century ago. With metaphasics, lifespans will be doubled... an entire new medical science will evolve... I understand your Chief Engineer has the use of his eyes for the first time in his life... would you take his sight away from him? +With metaphasics, lifespans will be doubled... an entire new medical science will evolve... I understand your Chief Engineer has the use of his eyes for the first time in his life... would you take his sight away from him? There are metaphasic particles all over The Briar Patch. Why must this planet be... +There are metaphasic particles all over The Briar Patch. Why must this planet be... The concentration in the rings is what makes the whole damned thing work. Don't ask me to explain it. I only know they inject something into the rings that starts a thermolytic reaction. After it's over, the planet will be unlivable for generations. +The concentration in the rings is what makes the whole damned thing work. Don't ask me to explain it. I only know they inject something into the rings that starts a thermolytic reaction. After it's over, the planet will be unlivable for generations. Delay the procedure. Let my people look at the technology. +Delay the procedure. Let my people look at the technology. Our best scientific minds already have. We can't find any other way to do this. +Our best scientific minds already have. We can't find any other way to do this. Then the Son'a can establish a separate colony on this planet until we do... +Then the Son'a can establish a separate colony on this planet until we do... It would take ten years of normal exposure to begin to reverse their condition. Some of them won't survive that long. Besides, they don't want to live in the middle of The Briar Patch... who would? +It would take ten years of normal exposure to begin to reverse their condition. Some of them won't survive that long. Besides, they don't want to live in the middle of The Briar Patch... who would? The Ba'ku. +We are betraying the principles upon which the Federation was founded... this is an attack on the very soul of the Federation. This will destroy the Ba'ku. Just as cultures have been destroyed in every other forced relocation throughout history. We are only moving six hundred people, Jean-Luc. +We are only moving six hundred people, Jean-Luc. How many people would it take... before it becomes wrong? A thousand? Fifty thousand. A million? +Order them to surrender, and I promise you won't be court- martialed. If a court-martial is the only way to tell the people of the Federation what happened here, then I welcome it. +I wonder... which one of us will be facing that court-martial... There's nothing further to be gained from this... +A coward... without the moral courage to stop an unspeakable atrocity. You offend me. Is this how a Federation officer begs for his life? +Is this how a Federation officer begs for his life? I'm not begging for my life. I'm begging for yours. There is still a way home, Gal'na. +What you're asking me to do... is impossible... the crew is loyal to Ru'afo... Do you know how to disable the injector? +Do you know how to disable the injector? But I would need at least three minutes on the bridge. +But I would need at least three minutes on the bridge. If we could lure him away from the bridge... +If we could lure him away from the bridge... It doesn't matter where he is. As soon as he realizes something is happening, he'll override my commands with one word at his com- link... +It doesn't matter where he is. As soon as he realizes something is happening, he'll override my commands with one word at his com- link... What if he doesn't realize something's happening... Can you get me to a transmitter? I have to speak with Worf and Data on the surface... we'll need their help... +The countdown control has been transferred to the collector...I can't override... Scan for lifesigns. +Gallatin! So the righteous Starfleet Captain finally released you. Did you encounter any problems on the surface? No, sir. But it wasn't easy... being among them... +No, sir. But it wasn't easy... being among them... I'm sure. Just don't forget what they did to us. We'll have them rounded up in a day or two... we needn't bother with the Federation holo-ship any more. Just get the holding cells ready. +The injector performs perfectly in every simulation... Sir, as the Enterprise left orbit, one of their support craft went down to the surface. It appeared to be the Captain's Yacht. Five persons on board. +Sir, as the Enterprise left orbit, one of their support craft went down to the surface. It appeared to be the Captain's Yacht. Five persons on board. We're not waiting until morning... take the shuttles and get everyone off the surface tonight. +They're following the kelbonite deposits... using the interference to block our transporters... Recommendations? +There is an alternative to an all- out assault. Isolinear tags would allow our transporters to lock on to them. We'd have to tag every one of them... that would take time... and we don't have it. The Enterprise is only nineteen hours from communications range with the Federation... +Admiral Dougherty will not be joining us for diner. Deploy the collector. Do you have a problem with those orders? May I talk to you alone? +May I talk to you alone? Deploy the collector. +Moving them is one thing. Killing them all... No one hated them more than you, Gal'na. We've come a long way together. This is the moment we've planned for so many years... +Separate the Starfleet personnel and secure them in the aft cargo hold... see that Picard joins them... The shields in that section won't protect them against the thermolytic reaction... +The shields in that section won't protect them against the thermolytic reaction... Thank-you for reminding me. +I want our guests to depart as quickly a etiquette allows. I'll ask Worf to delay his return to DS9 so he can join us. We're going to stop by sector four-four- one on our way to the Goren system. They... are in opposite directions, sir... +They... are in opposite directions, sir... Are they...? +We're about to lose communications with Starfleet, Captain. Do you have everything you need from command? +The torque sensors are out of alignment... by twelve microns... you could hear that? When I was an ensign, I could detect a three-micron mis- alignment... +I took these out of Data's neural net... they contain memory engrams... Do you know how they were damaged? +Do you know how they were damaged? By a Son'a weapon. There's no doubt about it, sir. That's what made Data malfunction. +By a Son'a weapon. There's no doubt about it, sir. That's what made Data malfunction. The Son'a reports claim they didn't fire until after he malfunctioned. +The Son'a reports claim they didn't fire until after he malfunctioned. I don't believe it happened that way. +I don't believe it happened that way. Why would they fire at him without provocation? +Why would they fire at him without provocation? All I know is that he was functioning normally until he was shot. Then, his fail-safe system was activated... +All I know is that he was functioning normally until he was shot. Then, his fail-safe system was activated... Fail-safe? +Fail-safe? His ethical and moral subroutines took over all of his basic functions... +His ethical and moral subroutines took over all of his basic functions... So, you're saying he still knew the difference between right and wrong. +So, you're saying he still knew the difference between right and wrong. In a sense, that's all he knew. The system is designed to protect him against anyone who might try to take advantage of his memory loss. +In a sense, that's all he knew. The system is designed to protect him against anyone who might try to take advantage of his memory loss. And yet he attacked us. And told the Ba'ku we were a threat... +Implants bothering you? It's nothing. I'm just tired. +Funniest thing, Captain. There wasn't anything wrong with my implants. There was something right with my eyes. When Doctor Crusher removed the ocular connections, she found the cells around my optic nerves... ... had regenerated. +... had regenerated. It may not last after we leave. If not, I just wanted, before we go... I've never actually seen a sunrise. +A photon torpedo. Isn't that the universal greeting when communications are down? I think it's the universal greeting when you don't like someone. +Full impulse. The manifold can't handle full impulse in the Patch, Commander. +The manifold can't handle full impulse in the Patch, Commander. If we don't outrun them, the manifolds are going to be the only thing left of this ship. +If we don't outrun them, the manifolds are going to be the only thing left of this ship. I'll be in Engineering. +Will that stop the tear? You got me, Commander. +You got me, Commander. That's your expert opinion? +That's your expert opinion? Detonating the warp core might neutralize the cascade... but then again it might not. Subspace weapons are unpredictable. That's why they were banned. +We're pulling it like a zipper across space... Options? +Options? Eject the core. +Aye, sir. Highly volatile...I recommend we keep our distance... Negative. I want to use the ramscoop to collect as much of it as we can... +Negative. I want to use the ramscoop to collect as much of it as we can... The purpose being...? +I wouldn't be surprised if history remembers this as the Riker Maneuver... If it works you mean. +If it works you mean. Even if it doesn't, they'll be teaching kids as the Academy not to do this for years to come. +I don't think they believe us. Why not? +Sir, they've detonated an isolytic burst... a subspace tear is forming... On screen. +The tear is closing on us... impact in fifteen seconds... Eject the core. +The purpose being I intend to shove it down the Son'a's throat. Commander, if one of their weapons hits that gas... +Commander, if one of their weapons hits that gas... It's our only way out of here, Mister Nara. +Commander, I'm showing two Son'a ships on an intercept course. How long 'til they reach us? +How long 'til they reach us? Eighteen minutes... +What's inside that nebula cluster? Cometary debris, pockets of unstable metreon gas... we don't want to go in there, sir... +Cometary debris, pockets of unstable metreon gas... we don't want to go in there, sir... Yes, we do. You're relieved, Ensign. Take over at Ops. +I thought subspace weapons were banned by the Khitomer Accord... Remind me to lodge a protest... +We're still thirty-six minutes from transmission range, sir. We're through running from these bastards. +They're powering their forward weapons array. Blow out the ramscoop. Stand by full thrusters. +They need us to mediate some territorial dispute... We can't delay the archaeological expedition to Hanoran Two. It would put us into the middle of monsoon season... +We can't delay the archaeological expedition to Hanoran Two. It would put us into the middle of monsoon season... The Diplomatic Corps is busy with Dominion negotiations. +The Diplomatic Corps is busy with Dominion negotiations. ... so they need us to put out one more brush fire. Anyone remember when we used to be explorers? +'Yew-cheen chef-faw.' Deck ten. +Who is it? Commander Riker... +... and gorgonzolla cheese. We won't be able to go any faster than one-third impulse in that muck... +We won't be able to go any faster than one-third impulse in that muck... Nothing dangerous turned up in the astrometric survey... +Nothing dangerous turned up in the astrometric survey... So where are the 'environmental concerns' the Admiral was talking about? +So where are the 'environmental concerns' the Admiral was talking about? The only unusual readings were low levels of metaphasic radiation from interstellar dust across the region... +Admiral Dougherty wants to know why we haven't left yet... We're not going anywhere. +Deck five. You Klingons never do anything small, do you... +Prepare the ship for departure at oh-seven-hundred hours. Aye, sir. +You must be planning on doing some hunting. Go back to your quarters That's an order. +There's a short letter I left you all, just some... sentimental nonsense... the computer will bring it to your attention at oh- four-hundred... I'd just as soon you delete it... Fat chance. I'll post it on every monitor on the ship... +The Council has ordered a halt to the Ba'ku relocation while they conduct a top-level review. Top level review, my ass. There'll be no cover-up of this. Not after I get... +My name is Sojef, Captain. Jean-Luc Picard... my officers Doctor Crusher and Counselor Troi. +Jean-Luc Picard... my officers Doctor Crusher and Counselor Troi. Would you like something to eat? +Would you like something to eat? No, we're here to... rescue them. +No, we're here to... rescue them. As you wish. But I would ask you to disarm yourselves. This village is a sanctuary of life. +We came here from a solar system on the verge of self- annihilation... where technology had created weapons that threatened to destroy all life. A small group of us set off to find a new home... a home that would be isolated from the threats of other worlds. That was three hundred and nine years ago. You've not aged a day since then? +You've not aged a day since then? Actually, I was a good deal older when we arrived... in terms of my physical condition. +I wish there was a way to bring them back home. Ask them. +Ask them. I'm afraid there's too much bitterness... on both sides. +Bridge to Captain Picard. We are approaching sector four-four-one. Slow to impulse. We're on our way. +I... I must have slept through my alarm. I'm on my way... We'll skip the court martial this time... Picard out. +Worf to Picard... Yes... yes, I... can hear you... +Yes... yes, I... can hear you... We're trying to get to you, sir... +Worf, you must hurry... We're coming as fast as we can... we can't risk using phasers... +We're coming as fast as we can... we can't risk using phasers... I understand. Tell Doctor Crusher to have a hypospray of lectrazine ready... +Captain... Worf, what the hell are you doing here? +I've already modified a tricorder with one of his spare actuation servos. Its operational range is only seven meters but it should shut him down... It's good to have you back, Worf. Slow to one-third. Take us in. +Sensors are not picking up any ships coming from the surface... Transmit a wide band co-variant signal. That'll get his attention. +Transmit a wide band co-variant signal. That'll get his attention. He might be using the planet's rings to mask his approach. +He might be using the planet's rings to mask his approach. The metaphasic radiation in those rings is in a state of extreme flux. Steer clear of them, Mister Worf... +Come out, come out wherever you are... Sir? +Sir? Hmm? Oh, it's just something my mother used to... +Sir, if we fire a tachyon burst, it may force him to reset his shield harmonics. When he does, we could beam him out... Make it so. +Direct hit. He's resetting his shield harmonics... Beam him out! +He's activated a transport inhibitor. Prepare to enter the atmosphere... we'll use the ionospheric boundary to shake him... +Scanners are off line! Evasive maneuvers... heading one- four-zero mark three-one... +Do you know Gilbert and Sullivan? No, sir. I haven't had a chance to meet all the new crew members since I've been back... +No, sir. I haven't had a chance to meet all the new crew members since I've been back... "They're composers, Worf, from the nineteenth century. Data was rehearsing a part in H.M.S. Pinafore before he left... ""A British tar is a soaring soul, As free as a mountain bird, His energetic first should be ready to resist A dictatorial word...""" +Sir, inertial coupling is exceeding tolerance... if we don't release him, he may destroy both vessels... I'm not letting go of him. +The damping sequencer was damaged by phaser fire! Transferring controls to manual. +Did any of the hostages mention a cloaked ship during their debriefings? No, sir... +No, sir... Debrief them again. Have you been in a fight, Commander? +Debrief them again. Have you been in a fight, Commander? No, sir. It is a gorch. +No, sir. It is a gorch. Gorch? +Doctor Crusher asked to talk to you when you returned... Picard to Crusher... +Should I distribute phasers to the Ba'ku, sir...? No. We'll be responsible for that, Mister Worf. +You need a haircut, Commander. Accelerated hair growth is often experienced by Klingons during Jak'tahla... +The Ba'ku could use some rest, sir. According to the geo-scan, this may be the safest area for the next few kilometers... Very well. We'll take an hour. Break out some rations... +Isolinear tags. Their transporters can lock onto them. We have to find shelter... +All injector sub-systems are confirmed off-line. Decloak the holo-ship and engage a tractor beam, Mister Worf. +One. It's Ru'afo. Can you beam him off? +Can you beam him off? Negative. He's established a security field around the control room... +Negative. He's established a security field around the control room... Is there any other way to disable the injector? +... Population three hundred million... Say the greeting again... +Say the greeting again... Yew-cheen chef-faw... emphasis on the 'cheen' and the 'faw'... +Oh, my God, are they vegetarians? That's not in here... Better have the chef whip up a light balsamic vinaigrette... something that goes well with chrysanthemums... +We've downloaded all the files on the duck blind mission as well as intelligence reports on the Son'a. You have two days to become experts... Mister Worf, your job and mine will be to find a plan to safely capture Data. +Counselor? They have an incredible clarity of perception, Captain. I've never encountered a species with such mental discipline... +The Son'a discovered an M-class planet with humanoid life six months ago. Turned out it's in us to get approval for a sociological study. The Federation Council suggested it be a joint mission... Why was Data assigned? +Why was Data assigned? """Environmental concerns"", again. An android could be safely exposed to the elements during the installation of a duck blind..." +I don't see anything to suggest the Son'a have any interest in sociology... What are they interested in...? +What are they interested in...? Wine, women and song. +Wine, women and song. You should feel right at home with them. +Nomadic, collectors of precious metals, jewels... Hmm, I should feel right at home with them... +Hmm, I should feel right at home with them... You're in luck... it says here they've taken women from several races as indentured servants. +Why would we be involved with these people? Good question. +You haven't done that in a long time... What...? +What...? What you're doing to my neck... +What you're doing to my neck... Was I doing something to your neck? +It says here that some form of genetic damage has apparently prevented the Son'a from procreating... No children? +No children? If that's true, they're a dying race. +Come in. Hi. Got a minute? I... need a little counseling. First time for everything. Do I... lie down... or what? +Got a minute? I... need a little counseling. First time for everything. Do I... lie down... or what? Whatever makes you comfortable... +This isn't one of the usual therapeutic postures... But it's comfortable. +But it's comfortable. Why don't you try sitting up? +Why don't you try sitting up? Or you could try lying down. +Or you could try lying down. You're in quite a mood today. +Both. I think I'm having a mid-life crisis... ... I believe you... +... I believe you... ... I'm not sleeping well... +... I'm not sleeping well... ... Doctor Crusher has something that'll take care of that... +What I need, I can't get from Doctor Crusher... Counselor, do you think it's possible for two people to go back in time to fix a mistake they've made? On this ship, anything can happen. And usually does. +Augh. Augh? +Augh? I never kissed you with a beard before. +All hands. Battle stations! And have you noticed how your boobs have started to firm up? +Initiate launch sequence. Activating injector assembly. +Exactly as the simulations predicted... Sir, I am not showing any change in metaphasic flux levels... +Sir, I am not showing any change in metaphasic flux levels... Your scanners must be malfunctioning. +Your scanners must be malfunctioning. All ship functions are off-line. +This ship is equipped with fourteen long range transporters... are they all useless...? They must have been locked and secured after we were beamed here. +They must have been locked and secured after we were beamed here. Isolate one and re-route its command sequence through the auxiliary processor... +The new quantum torpedoes are doing the trick, Jean-Luc. We've destroyed forty-seven Borg ships so far... and only lost fifteen of our own. But one of the Borg ships has broken through our defenses, and it's heading directly for Earth. Can you handle it? Absolutely. +Absolutely. Good hunting. Hayes out. +Good hunting. Hayes out. Mister Data, set a pursuit course. Maximum warp. +Admiral... what's the status of the Borg fleet? It's been destroyed. The Borg threat is over. Are you all right? The Enterprise disappeared from our sensors for a moment. +It's been destroyed. The Borg threat is over. Are you all right? The Enterprise disappeared from our sensors for a moment. We're fine, sir. It will take some... time to explain. +We're fine, sir. It will take some... time to explain. I look forward to reading your report. +Montana. Energize. Montana? Well, that answers everything. Why the hell are we -- +Go where? Hello? Is anyone going to tell me what we're doing here? We're here to find Zephram Cochrane. He may be injured or dead. +We're here to find Zephram Cochrane. He may be injured or dead. Cochrane... the inventor of warp drive? +Cochrane... the inventor of warp drive? Yes... +Yes... But he's been dead for three hundred... Oh God... we've gone back in time again, haven't we? +But he's been dead for three hundred... Oh God... we've gone back in time again, haven't we? I'm afraid so. If the Borg succeed in preventing First Contact with the Vulcans... Earth will remain in the Second Dark Age... an easy target when the Borg arrive in the 24th century. +I'm afraid so. If the Borg succeed in preventing First Contact with the Vulcans... Earth will remain in the Second Dark Age... an easy target when the Borg arrive in the 24th century. Well, why didn't you just say so in the first place? +It's Cochrane. I've stabilized him for now... but he's in a coma and he's going to need radiometric therapy. I want to take him to the ship. +It's not the radiation... and there's nothing wrong with the combadges... the Enterprise just isn't responding. Jean-Luc, this man needs medical attention, now. +Jean-Luc, this man needs medical attention, now. As I recall, the town of Resurrection is about two kilometers East of here. They might have a hospital... +What are we waiting for? Let's go. It may not be that simple. This is an extremely difficult and paranoid time in human history. +It may not be that simple. This is an extremely difficult and paranoid time in human history. Are you saying they won't help us? +Are you saying they won't help us? I'm saying they might shoot us on sight. You have to remember... these people have watched their entire way of life collapse around them. +I'm saying they might shoot us on sight. You have to remember... these people have watched their entire way of life collapse around them. There must be some good people... even in this time. +There must be some good people... even in this time. Let's hope so. Because if Cochrane dies... the future may die with him. +He's stable... for now. But it would be better if we could contact... our friends. Yes. But until then, you'll have to make do with what you've got. +Yes. But until then, you'll have to make do with what you've got. That'll be interesting. +I have to go back to the silo. Will you be all right? I'll be fine. He's a different story. +You actually performed surgery...? It was an experience. Metal scalpels... needle and thread... +But I had a little help. Surgical transporter. I used it to beam out most of the bone fragments from his brain. How did Doctor Almack react to that? +How did Doctor Almack react to that? He was so confused by what I was doing, I don't think he even noticed. Any word from the Enterprise? +He was so confused by what I was doing, I don't think he even noticed. Any word from the Enterprise? Not yet. +Not yet. You think they're still up there? +You think they're still up there? If they're not... we'd better get used to living in Montana. +If they're not... we'd better get used to living in Montana. That might not be so bad... at least for you. +Regardless of how I may feel about Ruby... our fates lie along different paths. Nothing can change that. You want some advice? Don't do this again. You know exactly what I mean. +You want some advice? Don't do this again. You know exactly what I mean. Beverly, there were many reasons why you and I... +Beverly, there were many reasons why you and I... "I'd call them excuses. And the first excuse on both our lists was our ""sense of duty."" We convinced ourselves that it was more important than anything else. And you know what? It's not." +How long has he been unconscious? At least four hours. +Is it Japanese? Um... yeah. Now he's going to need a respirator. Do you have one? +Um... yeah. Now he's going to need a respirator. Do you have one? We have two... but we don't have the juice to run them. +His automatic reflexes are fluctuating. We've got to get him on a respirator. Bag him. +The occipital fracture is widening... we're going to have to fuse the bones... I'm a little worried about some of these bone fragments. If they move any closer to the brain, we could be looking at a hemorrhage. +You are the guiding intelligence behind the Borg...? Intelligence... ambition... desire... I bring order to chaos... +Have you ever wondered what it's like to have flesh? It is impossible to imagine sensations for which I have no frame of reference. +You've taken your first step toward perfection. How does it feel? I do not know what you are referring to. +I do not know what you are referring to. That's because you haven't been properly... stimulated yet. +Do you know what this is, Data? It would appear that you are attempting to graft organic skin onto my endo-skeletal structure. +It would appear that you are attempting to graft organic skin onto my endo-skeletal structure. What a cold description... for such a beautiful gift. +No. I will not betray my friends. They're not your friends... they've held you back... kept you from your destiny... +They're not your friends... they've held you back... kept you from your destiny... That is not true. They have tried to help me. +That is not true. They have tried to help me. Have they given you what I have given you? Did they even try? +Have they given you what I have given you? Did they even try? I... do not want this... +You're becoming more human all the time, Data. Now you're learning how to lie. I wish to... go back to the way I was. +I wish to... go back to the way I was. More lies. +Have you ever know a woman? Do you know what it's like to feel her breath on your face... her skin against yours... flesh against flesh? My creator did not intend for me to experience these things. +My creator did not intend for me to experience these things. I'm your creator now. +I am... grateful for what you have given me. But I still do not wish to be assimilated. A universe of sensation is waiting for you... don't you want to explore it... with me? +Yes... Then take the final step... give me the Enterprise... and we can be together... always. +I've deactivated the sensory inputs. That flesh on your body is just meat, now. No... no, please... you cannot... +Isn't it better like this...? Yes... but the Enterprise... my duty... +Yes... but the Enterprise... my duty... ... is to yourself. Don't make me hurt you again... +No... no, it's so... empty... please... give it back... I need it... And I need to control this ship. Let me into your mind. +There is a perimeter alert. A ship has entered sensor range. Vulcan? +Vulcan? No. +Your diagnostics are in error. I need weapons. The problem must lie in the interface between Starfleet and Borg technology. Your console may not be configured to handle the data flow. +The problem must lie in the interface between Starfleet and Borg technology. Your console may not be configured to handle the data flow. Can you configure it? +Can you configure it? I believe so. +I believe so. Do it. +Dispersive armor is holding. Bring us about. Target Borg ship alpha four, port side battery. +The Borg ship has modified its shields, Captain. Our phasers will no longer be effective. Ready quantum torpedo. +We are approaching the Terran System, Captain. Go to impulse. Where's the Borg ship? +Go to impulse. Where's the Borg ship? It has entered Earth orbit. Correction -- it is not in orbit. It is heading directly toward the surface. +It has entered Earth orbit. Correction -- it is not in orbit. It is heading directly toward the surface. What? +I have helm control. Where's the Sphere? +The vortex is collapsing, sir. Contact Starfleet Command. +What year is it? According to our astrometric readings... the year is 2063. +Mister Data, I want to know the exact date and time. Give me a damage report on that missile silo. Today is March second, 2063. The time in Montana is oh-eight-forty- five. +But now... they are all one with the Borg. I am unlike any lifeform you have encountered before. As an android, I am in complete control of my neural net. The information contained there cannot be forcibly removed. +I am unlike any lifeform you have encountered before. As an android, I am in complete control of my neural net. The information contained there cannot be forcibly removed. You are an imperfect being... created by an imperfect being. Finding your weakness is only a matter of time. +Who are you? I am the Borg. +I am the Borg. That is a contradiction. The Borg act as a collective consciousness. There are no individuals. +That is a contradiction. The Borg act as a collective consciousness. There are no individuals. I am the beginning... the end. I am the one who is many. I am the Borg. +The planet's surface is covered with Borg technology. So is the moon... and three other planets in this solar system. But how? +Did you know her? Not very well. We met shortly after the Enterprise-E was commissioned. I found her to be a most... promising officer. +Data... are you sure you're all right? I am still having difficulty integrating certain emotions into my programming. Grief, loss, remorse... +I am still having difficulty integrating certain emotions into my programming. Grief, loss, remorse... We still have to make reports on ten more crewmen killed in action. Maybe you should deactivate your emotion chip until we're done. +No. Human beings do not have that luxury, and neither should I. I will admit... there are times when I wish I had an emotion chip I could turn on and off. +"""APR cell count?"" What the hell are you talking about?" Doctor Crusher has been... studying some advanced medical theories. +Juice? Power. There hasn't been a lot of wind through here for the last couple of weeks. Most of the batteries are depleted. +Where's the battery room for the hospital? I told you, there's no -- +I told you, there's no -- Where? +Where? Outside, around back. Next to the water tank. +What did you do to the batteries? Oh... just a little tinkering. How is he? +Captain, I'm starting to worry about the hull integrity. We've been running the support field at full power for three hours straight. I don't know how much longer it's going to hold up. Understood. Keep me informed. +I have the silo, sir. Bearing three one zero... distance, three hundred meters. Let's go. +This must be it. How serious is the damage? +How serious is the damage? I'm having trouble scanning underground. There's a lot of radiation leaking from something. +I'm having trouble scanning underground. There's a lot of radiation leaking from something. Probably from the nuclear warhead. Cochrane was planning to use it to ignite the warp drive. +I'm picking up faint life signs twenty meters below. There should be an access hatch nearby... +Alphanumeric lock. We need a password to get in... I have the password right here. +Blast door. It's designed to protect the control room when the missile is launched. There should be some kind of manual release... +Picard to Enterprise. Enterprise, please respond. It could be the radiation, Captain. Try from the surface. +This used to be the throttle valve assembly. It controls the thrust of the engines. It's been completely vaporized... and without it, there's no way to launch the ship. Can you reconstruct the throttle valve? +Can you reconstruct the throttle valve? Yeah... if I knew what it looked like. There's probably five hundred ways to design a valve like this... +Yeah... if I knew what it looked like. There's probably five hundred ways to design a valve like this... We need to launch this ship in under eighteen hours... There must be some design schematics... blueprints... +We need to launch this ship in under eighteen hours... There must be some design schematics... blueprints... We're tearing this place apart looking for them... but the computers are down, and the fires destroyed half the files...so far, nothing. +Maybe... Sure. Yeah. As long as I could get a clear look at the intake configuration. But so far, we haven't found any other photos. If there are other photographs... I think I may know how to find them. +Where's you get the alloy for the throttle itself? They used copper pipes in their plumbing... so I melted it down... and fused it with some tritanium from one of our phaser casings. It's not the strongest alloy... but it's better than all this crude aluminum and steel. +Ready to make a little history? Always am. +Always am. Phoenix to control. Initiating five minute countdown... mark. +We can't leave her out there. When the ship launches... she'll be killed. Tell her to go back to Resurrection. +Tell her to go back to Resurrection. She's a very... determined woman. Phoenix to control. Mister Lange... let her in. +Captain -- This is Picard. I've suspended the launch sequence. +Captain... we've got less than ten minutes before that Vulcan ship leaves the system. We've got to go now. It'll have to wait. Come on. +No... the door's too thick. Then we'll just have to assume it's still there... +Then we'll just have to assume it's still there... What's still there? +What's still there? Get a tricorder. You're going to have to track my exact position in that room... +Solid rocket fuel at twenty-five thousand kilograms... Altitude fifty kilometers... +Altitude fifty kilometers... Entering the upper ionospere... +Entering the upper ionospere... There's a red light on the second intake valve. +There's a red light on the second intake valve. Ignore it. We'll be fine. Prepare for first stage shut-down and separation on my mark... +Ready to deploy the warp nacelles. As they used to say... all systems are go. +The Vulcans should be out there right now. We need to break the warp barrier in the next five minutes if we're going to get their attention. Bring the warp core on-line. I'll lay in a heading. +Bring the warp core on-line. I'll lay in a heading. The nacelles are charged... nuclear warhead standing by. We're ready to ignite the warp drive. +The nacelles are charged... nuclear warhead standing by. We're ready to ignite the warp drive. Engage. +Passing one-half light speed. The starboard nacelle's running a little hot... I'm on it... +The inertial dampers are having trouble compensating... I don't think Cochrane built this thing for comfort. Speed -- two hundred, seventy-five thousand kilometers per second. +There's no temporal shielding in here! We're starting to pick up relativistic effects! One minute to warp threshold... +Captain, the Enterprise! Picard to Enterprise. Picard to Enterprise -- do you read me? +Their com system must still be down. Well, I feel a whole lot better with them out there. We may need some help. +They're getting awfully close... what the hell are they doing? We're crossing the threshold! +Are we on schedule? The Vulcan ship will be here in less than two hours. It'll be tight, but we should make it. +It'll be tight, but we should make it. What about our warp signature? It has to be strong enough for them to detect. +What about our warp signature? It has to be strong enough for them to detect. I've enhanced the plasma injectors -- don't worry, they'll see it. +I've enhanced the plasma injectors -- don't worry, they'll see it. Well, with any luck... the Vulcans will land outside Resurrection tomorrow morning... and Earth will never be the same again. +ATR setting... Active. +Active. Main bus... +Main bus... Ready. +Ready. Initiate pre-ignition sequence. +Oh... yes... ultraviolet protection. Thank you. Mister...? Lieutenant, actually. Lieutenant Jonathan Scrimm. I'm the head of the Resurrection Protective Force. And you are? +Lieutenant, actually. Lieutenant Jonathan Scrimm. I'm the head of the Resurrection Protective Force. And you are? Jean-Luc Picard. +Jean-Luc Picard. Great name. French? +Great name. French? Yes. +Yes. You don't sound French. +Where in the States? Oh... here and there. You know how it is. +Oh... here and there. You know how it is. Not really. I was born and raised right here. Never had much use for travel. +Where are you from most recently? California. San Francisco. +California. San Francisco. Beautiful city. Used to be, anyway. I didn't think anyone still lived there. +Beautiful city. Used to be, anyway. I didn't think anyone still lived there. There's a few of us left. +That was a pretty clever trick you did with the hospital's batteries. How'd you do it? It wasn't a trick. I used to be an electrical engineer. +It wasn't a trick. I used to be an electrical engineer. Huh. +And what were you doing out at the missile silo? I'm an old friend of Cochrane's... I wanted to see how he was doing. +I'm an old friend of Cochrane's... I wanted to see how he was doing. Lucky for him you came by when you did. He might be dead now. +Lucky for him you came by when you did. He might be dead now. Yes. +Yes. Maybe you can tell me what he's been doing in that silo. We heard some explosions out there this morning... +Maybe you can tell me what he's been doing in that silo. We heard some explosions out there this morning... I think he was running a test on an old rocket engine... and one of the fuel cells burst. +You seem to have an answer for everything. Something wrong with that? +Something wrong with that? Not yet. +What do you want? The invasion plans. +The invasion plans. Invasion. +Invasion. "These people you're calling ""Vulcans""... who are they? Where do they come from? How many troops? What kind of weapons?" +There is no invasion... Wrong answer, Mister Picard. Try again. +From another planet. Oh, I almost forgot... they have green blood and pointed ears. And you know all this... because you're a space-man too... +And you know all this... because you're a space-man too... I'm afraid you've caught me. I am a space-man. +Take care of him. He's a very special man. Yes, he is. +What are you, an idiot? Didn't you see the red light was on? Ah... yes... but, I didn't realize that -- +Ah... yes... but, I didn't realize that -- Thank God this plate was already fixed. +Cochrane? Yes... and I only had enough silver halide for one shot. So you're lucky you didn't screw it up. +Yes... and I only had enough silver halide for one shot. So you're lucky you didn't screw it up. I'm very sorry. +Did you need something? Yes... I wanted to ask you about some photographs I saw out at the silo. There were three of them... printed on some kind of fabric. +Yes... I wanted to ask you about some photographs I saw out at the silo. There were three of them... printed on some kind of fabric. Bed sheets. I used my last set of bed sheets to make those prints. Not the best material, but I haven't seen a clean piece of paper in five years. +Bed sheets. I used my last set of bed sheets to make those prints. Not the best material, but I haven't seen a clean piece of paper in five years. Did you take any other pictures of the rocket? +"""Money."" So you can get dome money..." I can try. +I can try. You'd have to try real hard. No one's used currency in over ten years. What are you, from another planet? +No... but sometimes I feel that way. What I meant was, I'd be willing to trade for the photographs. Trade. Okay. The photographs... for a straight answer. Who are you? And how do you know Zephram? +Trade. Okay. The photographs... for a straight answer. Who are you? And how do you know Zephram? I'm an old friend... I met him when he was doing his undergraduate work at Cornell back in -- +I'm an old friend... I met him when he was doing his undergraduate work at Cornell back in -- 'Fraid not. +What? You're lying. +You're lying. What makes you say that? +What makes you say that? You're not someone who lies very easily... so it's obvious when you do... at least to me. +You're not someone who lies very easily... so it's obvious when you do... at least to me. Are you always sucha good judge of character? +Were the two of you... involved? No... not like you and Doctor Crusher used to be. +No... not like you and Doctor Crusher used to be. How did you know about that? +Ruby... I need to talk to you about those photographs. It's very important. I'm sure it is. But it'll have to wait until tomorrow. +I'm sure it is. But it'll have to wait until tomorrow. It can't wait until tomorrow... +It can't wait until tomorrow... Too bad. Besides, it'll give you all night to think up a new set of lies. +I'd say you already have. Don't flatter yourself. I take pictures of a lot of junk. +Okay, let's hear it. I'm sure you have a great explanation for why those rocket photos are so important you broke into my house. We're trying to repair Doctor Cochrane's ship. It's been damaged and -- +We're trying to repair Doctor Cochrane's ship. It's been damaged and -- We? +We? Myself... and a few other friends of Zephram's. +Myself... and a few other friends of Zephram's. Friends from Cornell... +Friends from Cornell... Some. +Some. Lie. That's one. Keep going. +Lie. That's one. Keep going. A key piece of the ship has been destroyed... and our only hope to reconstruct it is if one of your photographs shows us what it looked like. +A key piece of the ship has been destroyed... and our only hope to reconstruct it is if one of your photographs shows us what it looked like. All right. Truth. I believe that one. Why is it so urgent you couldn't wait until morning? +All right. Truth. I believe that one. Why is it so urgent you couldn't wait until morning? We have to launch his ship by tomorrow afternoon. +We have to launch his ship by tomorrow afternoon. Or...? +Why are you being so difficult? All I'm asking for is to look at one of the photographs. It'll take five minutes. And all I'm asking for is the truth. That would take five minutes. For all I know, you caused the explosions at the silo... and now you're trying to steal Zephram's ship. +And all I'm asking for is the truth. That would take five minutes. For all I know, you caused the explosions at the silo... and now you're trying to steal Zephram's ship. I am not a thief... +You're leaving, aren't you? I have to... +I have to... Where? And don't tell me San Francisco... +Where? And don't tell me San Francisco... No. It's a lot further than that. +No. It's a lot further than that. It's the future, isn't it? Just like you told Scrimm. I knew you weren't from around here. +It's the future, isn't it? Just like you told Scrimm. I knew you weren't from around here. No... I'm from France. +No... I'm from France. I don't care if you're from France or Venus... just take me with you. +I don't care if you're from France or Venus... just take me with you. That's impossible. +That's impossible. Why? +Why? This may be hard for you to understand... but I'm duty-bound not to interfere with you, or anyone else here... any more than is absolutely necessary. +This may be hard for you to understand... but I'm duty-bound not to interfere with you, or anyone else here... any more than is absolutely necessary. You've been interfering with my life ever since I met you. Don't stop now. +Signal the Endeavor to fall back. We'll cover them. Aye, sir. +Incoming transmission from the Borg. On screen. +Life signs? Population... thirty-five billion... All Borg. +Captain...? We have to follow them back... repair whatever damage they've done to that time-line. +Track their weapons fire. Western hemisphere... North American continent... +Port battery, ready sir! Fire. +Time travel... they're attempting time travel... Full power, Mister Data. Worf, quantum torpedoes at my command! Aye, sir. +Captain, there are five Borg ships closing in on our position. Data, set a course for that vortex. +Hull integrity down to thirty percent... Steady as she goes. +Captain, I've found the Borg Sphere. It's on the far side of the planet...firing at the surface. Intercept course, full impulse. Weapons status? +Intercept course, full impulse. Weapons status? Phasers are off-line... we have two quantum torpedoes left. But the computer targeting system has been destroyed. +Phasers are off-line... we have two quantum torpedoes left. But the computer targeting system has been destroyed. Go to manual. +Target locked! Fire! +Worf, have Doctor Crusher, Mister La Forge and a security team meet me in Transporter Room Three. Civilian clothes. Aye, sir. +Incoming transmission from Starfleet Command. Admiral Hayes. Onscreen. +We're caught in some kind of energy wake from the vortex... Worf... torpedo... now! +They must've done it in the past... they went back and changed history... They did it... they assimilated Earth. +Report. We're still in Earth orbit. +We're still in Earth orbit. On screen. +Looks like they damaged the silo... Life signs? +Life signs? Can't tell. Long-range bio- sensors are off-line. +Captain? In twenty-four hours, Zephram Cochrane is supposed to conduct the very first warp test... from a missile silo in Montana. If I'm right, the Borg were trying to change the course of human history by killing him or destroying his ship. +In twenty-four hours, Zephram Cochrane is supposed to conduct the very first warp test... from a missile silo in Montana. If I'm right, the Borg were trying to change the course of human history by killing him or destroying his ship. And if they succeed, humans won't make First Contact with the Vulcans tomorrow. As First Officer I should be the one beaming down... +And if they succeed, humans won't make First Contact with the Vulcans tomorrow. As First Officer I should be the one beaming down... Normally, I would agree. But in this case, the mission requires a certain knowledge of 21st century history. You're many things, Number One, but you're not much of an historian. +Good luck, sir. I'll keep in contact. You have the Bridge. +Return to our own time? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Then make it so. Have you determined how to recreate the temporal vortex? +Yes, sir. But Captain... are we... all going back? Unless you'd like to stay. +Unless you'd like to stay. No, sir. +Casualties are light, Captain. Minor buckling on the port nacelle. Nothing serious. Incoming message from the Starship Intrepid. Admiral Hayes. +I have assigned two damage control teams to locate the source of our communication problems. So far, they've had no success. Assign another team if you need to. I want to re-establish communication with the Captain as soon as possible. +A ship-wide decompression has been initiated! What? +What the hell is happening, Worf? It appears that someone has taken over the Environmental Control Room. +We saw at least thirty...and there are twenty-two Enterprise crewmembers reported missing... including Commander Data. We'll have to assume they've been assimilated into the Collective. +To control the Enterprise, they'll have to gain access to one of two locations. Main Engineering... or the Bridge. We have to cover both possibilities. We'll take care of the Bridge. Worf, take your men and seal off Main Engineering. Turn it into a fortress -- nothing gets in. +What are they doing? They appear to be modifying the deflector dish. +They're re-routing the deflector power conduits... Computer -- thermal enhancement. +They're connecting the conduits to subspace communications... They're converting the deflector dish into an antennae... +We have to stop them from sending that message. Agreed. Options? +Agreed. Options? Destroy the deflector dish. +You will have to realign the targeting array of the quantum torpedo... and reprogram the warhead for the localized detonation. There's only one torpedo left... I guess I'd better get it right the first time. +I guess I'd better get it right the first time. The Borg will undoubtedly attack. Set phasers to rotating modulation. +Are you alright? Just a little queasy... +Just a little queasy... Try not to look at the stars... keep your eyes on the ship. +Try not to look at the stars... keep your eyes on the ship. Right. +Right. And Commander, whatever you do... do not vomit in your exo-suit. It would be... unpleasant. +And Commander, whatever you do... do not vomit in your exo-suit. It would be... unpleasant. I'll keep that in mind. +Worf! I'm going to need at least five minutes! Understood! +Report! We've lost Bridge control! +We've lost Bridge control! Emergency override! +Emergency override! Nothing. +Report. We just lost main power... and we've got Class-Three alerts all over the ship. I'm not sure what's -- +Someone...? The Borg. Some of them must've beamed over before we destroyed their ship. Seal off that entire deck with emergency force fields. +The Borg. Some of them must've beamed over before we destroyed their ship. Seal off that entire deck with emergency force fields. Wil... Data was down there. +Wil... Data was down there. Mister Worf... find Data if you can, but your top priority is isolating the Borg. +All right... we've lost control of eight decks... three Cargo Bays... one Shuttlebay. Do we have any idea how many Borg we're dealing with? +They're bypassing Engineering... Where the hell are they going? +To do what? If they wanted a weapon, they could've taken over a phaser bank or torpedo bay... Deflector dish... why the deflector dish...? +I remember it made me sick. What are you suggesting? +What are you suggesting? I think Mister Worf is suggesting that we go outside for a little stroll... +I have to admit there was a moment there when -- Hold that thought. +Worf to Bridge. Riker here. +Riker here. There's a dampening field in place on this deck. Our tricorders are useless. +Worf to Bridge. We're about to enter the Environmental Control Room. Any sign of Data, or the Borg themselves? +Worf? Is something wrong? Something is very wrong, Commander. We're falling back. +What the hell happened down there, Worf? Commander... we have a problem. +No response. I'm not reading any Starfleet com traffic in this entire sector. Captain, I've scanned the planet. The atmosphere contains a high concentration of methane, carbon monoxide and fluorine. The oceans have been chemically altered, as well. +Captain, they're firing at a nuclear missile silo... in central Montana. Target... +Are we in any danger of being detected by Earth defense systems? There were no planetary defense systems in this era. Their weapons were designed to fight each other... not extraterrestrials. +Even Data? Data's positronic net contains classified information on the Enterprise. Command codes, security protocols... +They may be trying to send a message to the other Borg...the Borg in this time period... What kind of message? +Mr. President. Admiral Donald...Bill... +Admiral Donald...Bill... Mr. President we cannot allow Federation citizens to be abducted. +Mr. President we cannot allow Federation citizens to be abducted. At present I'm awaiting a full report from Enterprise. Pending that I am constrained to observe Interstellar Law. +I'd prefer not to be the President to push the button if I can avoid it. The longer we wait, the less accessible the hostages will be, Mr. President. +The longer we wait, the less accessible the hostages will be, Mr. President. I'll bear it in mind, Admiral. I think that's all. +Good luck, Captain. I'm going too. They may need a doctor. +I believe the operation is over. The charge is murder. +I'm going to perform surgery on a torpedo - you never know... You may need assistance, doctor... +You may need assistance, doctor... Fascinating... +Bet you wish you'd stood in bed... Vulcans sleep lying down... +Spock, that was actually funny. We DO sleep lying down. +Calm yourself, doctor, the operation is almost complete... Thank you, nurse. Jim, she's ready! Lock and load! +Pity they're retiring us just as I was starting to understand you, Spock... We WERE beginning to hit our stride together, doctor... +Or not to be - That's the question - +Uh, Jim... You heard the order, Lieutenant. +What the Hell's going on? I wish I knew. Uhura? +Sweet Jesus...! He's lost a lot of whatever this stuff is... Can you - ? +Can you - ? Jim, I don't even know his anatomy. +No! Chancellor Gorkon, can you hear me? Chancellor...? +Thanks... What's the Brotherhood of Aliens? +Figures. We've been set up all along. +Bones, why don't you see what you can do? Let them know we're not holding a grudge. Suppose HE'S holding a grudge? +Three months till retirement. What a way to finish. We're not finished. +We're not finished. Speak for yourself. One day... one night... +- Kobayashi Maru... Bones, are you afraid of the future? +Bones, are you afraid of the future? That was the general idea I intended to convey. +That was the general idea I intended to convey. I didn't mean this future. +I didn't mean this future. Are we playing multiple choice? +Are we playing multiple choice? Some people ARE afraid of the future; of what MIGHT happen; I was frightened, really frightened. +Some people ARE afraid of the future; of what MIGHT happen; I was frightened, really frightened. Specifically of...? +Specifically of...? No more neutral zone. I was USED to hating Klingons... that's why I failed in our assignment. It never even occurred to me to take Gorkon at his word. Spock was right. +No more neutral zone. I was USED to hating Klingons... that's why I failed in our assignment. It never even occurred to me to take Gorkon at his word. Spock was right. Well, don't be too hard on yourself - we all felt exactly the same - +Well, don't be too hard on yourself - we all felt exactly the same - Uh uh. Somebody felt much worse. And I'm starting to understand why. +Uh uh. Somebody felt much worse. And I'm starting to understand why. Well, if you've got any bright ideas, now's the time to - +What is it with you, anyway? Still think we're finished? +Still think we're finished? More than ever. +What kind of creature is this? Last night you two were spooning - Don't remind me. +Jim, leave me - I'm finished... No way. You see this? +It's the viridium patch Spock slapped on my back right before we went aboard Gorkon's ship. That cunning little Vulcan... +That cunning little Vulcan... Once we're beyond the shield they should be able to pick it up two sectors away. +Once we're beyond the shield they should be able to pick it up two sectors away. If they're even looking for us... +If they're even looking for us... Spock's looking for us... +ARE YOU CRAZY? She didn't need our help getting anywhere... where did she get these convenient clothes? And don't tell me that flare is standard prison issue... +Damned clever if you ask me... Killed trying to escape - it's a classic... +ABSOLUTELY NOT! Come on... +Time we got underway ourselves, gentlemen. Once again, we've saved civilization as we know it. And the good news is they're not going to prosecute. +And the good news is they're not going to prosecute. To be - +Perhaps with a few small steps at a time. Like this one. And perhaps with a large step or two. Like a peace treaty. +We're explorers not diplomats! "Starfleet's killed an awful lot of natural phenomena in the name of ""exploration""..." +Captain, when we get to Camp Khitomer, how will we defend ourselves? I mean, if this new Bird of Prey can fire while she is invisible...? Now there's a poser. +This is fun... Captain, shall we attempt to return fire? +Too bad we can't SMELL her. In space, no one can hear you sweat. +They don't arrest people for having feelings. If they did we'd all have to turn ourselves in. How CAN we rely on them? +Are you carrying a surgeon? We were until your torpedoes! +We were until your torpedoes! Then let me help! +Doctor McCoy, what is your current medical status? Aside from a touch of arthritis, I'd say pretty good. +For 27 years I have been Ship's Surgeon and later Chief Medical Officer aboard the USS Enterprise. In three months I'm due to stand down. Stand...? +Stand...? Retire. +Retire. Ah. I believe you also consumed Romulan ale at the officers' mess on the night of question, Doctor? +Was Chancellor Gorkon alive when you first examined him? Barely. +Barely. "Have you saved patients as ""barely"" alive as he was?" +I didn't have the knowledge of Klingon anatomy I needed. You say you are due for retirement. May I ask: do your hands shake? +I was nervous - You were incompetent! - whether deliberately or as a result of age combined with drink this court will determine. +You were incompetent! - whether deliberately or as a result of age combined with drink this court will determine. I tried to save him! I was desperate to save him! He was the last best hope in the universe for real peace. +I tried to save him! I was desperate to save him! He was the last best hope in the universe for real peace. The Chancellor herself will testify that the defendant's hands shook. +I don't believe we can get more out of the way than this. They'll make it look like an accident... +They'll make it look like an accident... What are you in for, if you don't mind me asking? +What are you in for, if you don't mind me asking? I don't mind. Smuggling. Guilty. I come from Arc. Smuggling is an ancient and respected trade there. +They'll respect him now... That's a comfort... +It takes a lot of effort. I don't wonder. Stop me if I'm wrong but do we really have any way of knowing if this is the real you? +I don't wonder. Stop me if I'm wrong but do we really have any way of knowing if this is the real you? I thought I would assume a pleasing shape. We're outside the shield. Now it's your turn, Kirk. +I've always wanted to meet you, Captain. I'm not sure how to take that. +Would you care to go topside? Very much. +"""To be or not to be, that is the question"" which preoccupies our people, Captain Kirk. We need BREATHING room..." I beg your pardon? +My God, what happened here? You feign ignorance? +You feign ignorance? WHAT HAPPENED? +WHAT HAPPENED? You crippled our gravitational field with a direst torpedo hit, and two Starfleet crewmen beamed aboard in magnetic boots and did this! WE HAVE WITNESSES! +He's a DOCTOR! How can I trust -- +Under article 184 of Interstellar Law, I place you both under arrest. You are charged with assassinating the Chancellor of the High Council. He just tried to save him! +He just tried to save him! Take them away. +What? Isn't it a fact that you served Romulan ale, a beverage illegal in the Federation because of its overwhelming potency? +Isn't it a fact that you served Romulan ale, a beverage illegal in the Federation because of its overwhelming potency? The drink WAS served... +And you still maintain your ship did not fire on Kronos One? Would you have known if she had? Come now, Captain. The record clearly there were no other ships in the sector. There... were no other ships in the sector. +There... were no other ships in the sector. Did you have occasion to refer to your ship's data banks during that night? +Did you have occasion to refer to your ship's data banks during that night? I checked the data banks, yes. +I checked the data banks, yes. And what did they tell you? +And what did they tell you? That we fired two photon torpedoes. But - +And now we come to the architect of this tragic affair, Captain James Tiberius Kirk. I put it to you, Captain, that you were seeking revenge for the death of your son. That isn't true...! +That isn't true...! That, either as an instrument of Federation policy or acting on your own drunken initiative, you and your fellow conspirators crippled KRONOS One and cold-bloodedly assassinated the Chancellor of the High Council. Then you and Doctor McCoy went aboard to make certain the job was complete. +Are those your words? Yes. +Yes. Spoken by you? +Spoken by you? Yes... +Yes... Louder, please. We cannot hear you. +Louder, please. We cannot hear you. Those words WERE spoken by me. +You were demoted... Yes. +Yes. For insubordination. +For insubordination. I have on occasion disobeyed orders. +I have on occasion disobeyed orders. And you were obeying or disobeying orders the night you arranged the assassination of Chancellor Gorkon? +You deny Enterprise fired on KRONOS One? Well, I - +Well, I - You deny that your men beamed aboard KRONOS One and shot the Chancellor? +You deny that your men beamed aboard KRONOS One and shot the Chancellor? I cannot confirm or deny actions which I did not witness. +I cannot confirm or deny actions which I did not witness. Captain Kirk, are you aware that under Federation law, the Captain of a Starship is considered responsible for the actions of his men? +Captain Kirk, are you aware that under Federation law, the Captain of a Starship is considered responsible for the actions of his men? I am. +I am. So if it should prove members of your crew did in fact carry out such an assassination - ? +As Captain I am responsible for the conduct of the crew under my command. Your honors, the State rests. +Where is Mr. Sulu? Captain Sulu... on assignment... anyone seen Spock? +Captain, you're not going to show them the bridge?? Full diplomatic courtesy, Mr. Chekov... +Just the size of my head - I know what you mean... +Torpedo room--? Uhura, monitor! +Captain, if they fire at us with our shields down -- Torpedo bay! DID we fire those torpedoes? +"Get close enough to a man and you can kill him on ""Stun"" without setting off the alarm - of course you can't get rid of the body..." First rule of assassination: always kill the assassins. +From Starfleet? Who else? +Where IS the conference? She's only a cog in the wheel - no way she knows that. +She's here - somewhere. But if she's cloaked... +But if she's cloaked... Then all we've got is a neutron radiation surge - and by the time we're close enough to record it, we're ashes... +Shields. Battle stations. Shields up. Battle stations. +Mr. Chekov, take us forward, thrusters only, one half impulse power... Aye, sir; thrusters... +Mr. Chekov, slow down. Take us forward, thrusters only, one quarter impulse power. Aye, sir; thrusters... +Course heading, Captain? Second star to the right - and straight on till morning... +They're preparing to fire. Shields up, Captain --? +You're forgetting something. the data banks say WE fired. If we did, the killers are here; if we didn't, whoever altered the data banks is here. Either way, what we're searching for is here... What ARE we searching for, Mr. Spock? +What ARE we searching for, Mr. Spock? You tell them, Lieutenant. +Klingon blood. They must have walked through it when it was floating and tracked it back here. +They must have walked through it when it was floating and tracked it back here. This is the first evidence that corroborates our theory. +This is the first evidence that corroborates our theory. Now we go to Starfleet? +Now we go to Starfleet? Now we expand our search to include uniforms. +Now we expand our search to include uniforms. ALL uniforms? +Mr. Spock, Rura Penthe's deep in Klingon territory. If we're discovered... Quite right, Mr. Chekov. What is now required is a feat of linguistic legerdemain - and a degree of intrepidity. Before the Captain and Doctor McCoy freeze to death. +You must have cursed yourself, for having programmed our data banks, Lieutenant. Only they revealed something wrong aboard Enterprise. She programmed the torpedo hits? +Aye, sir. Mr. Valtane, any more data? +Captain, I'm getting a message from Klingon High Command. Onscreen. +An INCIDENT? Do we report this, sir? +Do we report this, sir? Are you kidding? Send to Starfleet Command... +"Send to commander Enterprise: ""We stand ready to assist you. Captain Sulu, USS Excelsior."" Attach our co-ordinates." Is that wise, sir? I mean, given their situation - Aye, sir. +This is KRONOS One. I am Chancellor Gorkon. Chancellor. We've been ordered to escort you through Federation space to your meeting place on Earth. +Chancellor. We've been ordered to escort you through Federation space to your meeting place on Earth. Thank you, Captain. +Thank you, Captain. Uh, would you and your party care to dine this evening aboard Enterprise with my officers as guests of the United Federation of Planets? +We'd be delighted to accept your gracious invitation. We'll make arrangements to have you beamed aboard at 1930 hours. +We'll make arrangements to have you beamed aboard at 1930 hours. I shall look forward to it. +Chancellor, may I present Commander Spock, whom I believe you know, Dr. Leonard McCoy, chief medical officer, Montgomery Scott, chief engineer... Commander, face to face at last.. you have my thanks.. +Your research laboratory is most impressive... Starfleet's been charting and cataloging planetary atmospheres. All vessels are equipped with chemical analytic sensors... +Starfleet's been charting and cataloging planetary atmospheres. All vessels are equipped with chemical analytic sensors... This cannot be easy for you, Captain... I would feel awkward if I had to give you a tour of OUR vessel... +Thank you, Captain Kirk. The evening has been most... edifying. We must do this again soon. +"I've heard of chameloids - ""Shapeshifters"" - I thought you were mythical." Give a girl a chance, Captain. +An accident wasn't good enough... Good enough for one - two would look suspicious... killed while attempting escape... now that's convincing for both. +Your friends are late... They'll be here... +Isn't it about time you became something else? I like it here... +What took you so long? Kill him! He's the one!! +Kill him! He's the one!! Not me, idiot - HIM! +He wants your obedience to the Brotherhood of Aliens. He's got it. +He's got it. And your coat. +And your coat. Fraid not. It wouldn't fit him, anyway. +Fraid not. It wouldn't fit him, anyway. Krandog aranty. +How did you know...? There's a reward for your death. +We don't get many presidential assassins. We didn't kill Gorkon. +We didn't kill Gorkon. Of course not. Anyway, somebody up there wants you out of the way. +How much time's left of your sentence? Don't you know? Everyone on Rura Penthe is here for life. +That's not his knee. Not everybody keeps their genitals in the same place, Captain. Anything else you want to tell me? +When whoever it is makes their move, you won't be here to ask if he's the one. There's gotta be a way out of this place... +Listen. No one has ever escaped from Rura Penthe. Except us. +Except us. It IS possible. +I know how to get outside the shield. Where do we come in? +Where do we come in? Getting outside the shield is easy. After that it's up to you to get us off the surface before we freeze. Can you? +Getting outside the shield is easy. After that it's up to you to get us off the surface before we freeze. Can you? Possibly. +Possibly. I can't make it alone. You're the likeliest candidate to come to this god-forsaken place in months. +I can't make it alone. You're the likeliest candidate to come to this god-forsaken place in months. Candidate for what? +Maybe if their particles just got a wee bit mixed... Energize... +Stand down your weapons. Captain, if -- +Captain, if -- Stand DOWN, Mr. Scott. All stop. That's an order. +Stand DOWN, Mr. Scott. All stop. That's an order. Aye, sir. +This is incredible - WHO ELSE...? +As you were. Lieutenant...? Saavik, sir. We were told you'd need a helmsman - ... so I volunteered. +Aft thrusters - Thank you. Lieutenant, one quarter impulse power... +Thank you. Lieutenant, one quarter impulse power... Captain, may I remind you that regulations specify thrusters only while in space dock? +Aye, sir. Plot a course for Kronos, Lieutenant. +Plot a course for Kronos, Lieutenant. Kronos, sir? +Kronos, sir? I'm still in the chair, Lieutenant. +I'm still in the chair, Lieutenant. Aye, sir. +Sorry - Come on, Saavik, you COULD knock - +Come on, Saavik, you COULD knock - We're almost at the rendezvous - I thought you'd want to know... +We're almost at the rendezvous - I thought you'd want to know... Right - +I gather you are not enthusiastic about the assignment... I don't think many on board are. You piloted well out of spacedock, Lieutenant - +You piloted well out of spacedock, Lieutenant - I always wanted to try that. +I always wanted to try that. Only don't try putting words in my mouth. +Uhura, hailing frequencies. Right standard rudder, bring us alongside... Right standard rudder, Z plus five degrees... +I hope you're happy. Captain. +Saavik, you know anything about a neutron energy surge? Sir? +Sir? Mr. Chekov, anything unusual? +Captain, our shields -- ! Uhura, signal our surrender. +"Who is ""US?""" I won't allow Starfleet to be dismantled over some Klingon promises. +I won't allow Starfleet to be dismantled over some Klingon promises. Starfleet will be around long enough for me to convene a Court Martial on this ship, Lieutenant. Win, lose or draw it will be on your record. +Just the prototype. You hear that? +This is Captain Sulu, USS Excelsior. Sulu! +Sulu! Standing by, Captain Kirk. +Standing by, Captain Kirk. You understand that by even talking to us, you're violating regulations, Captain. +You understand that by even talking to us, you're violating regulations, Captain. I'm sorry, Captain - your message is breaking up. +I'm sorry, Captain - your message is breaking up. Bless you, Sulu. Where's the peace conference? They're going to attempt another assassination. +Bless you, Sulu. Where's the peace conference? They're going to attempt another assassination. The Conference is at Camp Khitomer, near the Romulan border. I'm sending the exact coordinates on a coded frequency. +The Conference is at Camp Khitomer, near the Romulan border. I'm sending the exact coordinates on a coded frequency. I'm afraid we may need more than that. There's a Bird of Prey on the lookout for us. And she can fire while she's cloaked. +I'm afraid we may need more than that. There's a Bird of Prey on the lookout for us. And she can fire while she's cloaked. Surely not. +Surely not. I'm telling you. Hang on. How many of those things are there? Come on, Lieutenant, you're charged with murder... +I'm getting underway now. But you should know, I'm in alpha Quadrant. The chances of my reaching the conference in time are slim. When does this conference start? +When does this conference start? According to my information, today. +According to my information, today. Thank you, Captain Sulu. +Thank you, Captain Sulu. Don't mention it, Captain Kirk. +Me? We have volunteered to rendezvous with the Klingon ship that's bringing Chancellor Gorkon here, and escort him safely through Federation space. +I have personally vouched for you in this matter, Captain. You have personally - +WE volunteered? There's an old Vulcan proverb: only Nixon could go to China. +There's an old Vulcan proverb: only Nixon could go to China. How could you vouch for me? That's... ... arrogant presumption - +How could you vouch for me? That's... ... arrogant presumption - I was asked by my father to open neg- +I was asked by my father to open neg- I know your father's the Vulcan Ambassador for heaven's sake, but you know how I feel about this: they're animals. +I know your father's the Vulcan Ambassador for heaven's sake, but you know how I feel about this: they're animals. Jim, there is an historic opportunity here - +Jim, there is an historic opportunity here - DON'T TRUST THEM. DON'T BELIEVE THEM - +DON'T TRUST THEM. DON'T BELIEVE THEM - They're dying. +They're dying. LET THEM DIE. +Lieutenant, I am pleased to see you. The Lieutenant is the first Vulcan to be graduated at the top of her class as the Academy. Congratulations, Lieutenant. That must make you very proud... +Never been this close. The Chancellor is undoubtedly awaiting our signal. +I believe the Captain feels that Starfleet's mission has always been one of peace - Far be it for me to dispute my first officer. Starfleet has always - +I don't believe our own conduct will distinguish us in the annals of diplomacy... I'm going to sleep it off. Let me know if there's some other way we can screw up tonight. +What is it? I am uncertain. +I am uncertain. Spock, I'm really tired... +Spock, I'm really tired... We are reading an enormous amount of neutron radiation. +We are reading an enormous amount of neutron radiation. Where? +Where? Curiously it appears to emanate from us. +Curiously it appears to emanate from us. From Enterprise? +What the - We've fired on the Chancellor's ship - +We HAVEN'T fired - According to the data bank, we HAVE - twice... +I am responsible for involving you in this. I will go. I'M going. You are going to be responsible for getting me out of this. Meantime we're not going to be the instigators of a full-scale war on the eve of universal peace. +I'M going. You are going to be responsible for getting me out of this. Meantime we're not going to be the instigators of a full-scale war on the eve of universal peace. Perhaps you're right. +Captain... He was just about to explain the whole damn - +The Klingons have a new weapon: a Bird of Prey that can fire while cloaked. She torpedoed Gorkon's ship. So, that's it.. +The peace conference. What peace conference? +What peace conference? Azetbur has agreed to meet the Federation at a undisclosed location to continue her father's work... the conspirators obviously intend to try again... +I've been dead before. Uhura, raise Excelsior. She ought to have the co-ordinates. Why would they give them to us? +Why would they give them to us? The Commander is an old friend of yours. +Are you dining on worms? You were right: it was arrogant presumption that got us into this situation. You might have died. +You were right: it was arrogant presumption that got us into this situation. You might have died. The night is young. Anyway, it was logical. You know, you're a great one for logic. I'm a great one for rushing in where angels fear to tread. We're both extremists. Reality is probably somewhere in between us. +I was blind. I couldn't see past the death of my son. I couldn't trust. I too was blind. I knew about HER - and I did nothing. I trusted too much. +I too was blind. I knew about HER - and I did nothing. I trusted too much. You couldn't have known she was listening the night I dictated that entry into my log. You were proud of her achievements as a Vulcan. +You couldn't have known she was listening the night I dictated that entry into my log. You were proud of her achievements as a Vulcan. I was PREJUDUCED by those achievements. +I was PREJUDUCED by those achievements. Gorkon had to die before I understood how prejudiced I was... +Can we two have grown so old and inflexible that we have outlived our usefulness? Would that constitute a joke? "Someone said the difference between comic and cosmic is the letter ""S."" You haven't outlived your usefulness - to me. And you are not responsible just because she is also Vulcan -" +"Someone said the difference between comic and cosmic is the letter ""S."" You haven't outlived your usefulness - to me. And you are not responsible just because she is also Vulcan -" I SHOULD have been - +I SHOULD have been - Not for the actions of another. No one is responsible for any actions but his own. Human beings - +Not for the actions of another. No one is responsible for any actions but his own. Human beings - But I am not human. I am only - +But I am not human. I am only - Spock, you want to know something? +Close enough to beam down? Not yet... Section 4236... +Captain, perhaps we're going about this the wrong way; our job is to get to the conference; HER job will be to stop us. Make ourselves a target? +What's she waiting for? Probably trying to figure out why we're reversing, wondering if we detect her. +"But we haven't run out of history just yet. Your father quoted Hamlet: he called the future - ""the undiscovered country""..." I always assumed Hamlet meant death. +I always assumed Hamlet meant death. Gorkon thought the undiscovered country might mean something else - another kin of life. People can be very frightened of change. I know I was. +The only way to find out if a man's trustworthy... ... is to trust him. +Control tower, reading, Sir. Control, this is Enterprise requesting permission to depart. +Channel open, Captain. This is the Starship Enterprise, Captain James Kirk commanding. +Captain -- WE SURRENDER. +WE SURRENDER. This is Enterprise. We surrender. Repeat Enterprise surrenders -- +It's pretty chaotic over there. There's been some weapons fire and a lot of shouting... I'm going aboard. Spock, you have the conn. +Gorkon's own man?? Who else? +Uhura? Nothing, Captain. If they're here, they're rigger for silent running. +Captain, we can't see her, but she gives off heat... Not from a distance. She won't show up on ANY type of scan. +You have done well, Saavik. As your sponsor at the Academy I have followed your career with... satisfaction. And as a Vulcan. Sir, I speak to you as a kindred intellect. Do you not recognize that a turning point has been reached in the affairs of the Federation? +Sir, I speak to you as a kindred intellect. Do you not recognize that a turning point has been reached in the affairs of the Federation? I am not certain such speculations are included among your duties, Lieutenant. +You must have faith. Faith...? +Faith...? That the universe will unfold as it should. +But we can't allow them to be taken back to Kronos as prisoners. What do you suggest, Lieutenant? Opening fire won't retrieve the Captain; and an armed engagement was precisely what he wished to avoid. +How did you - ? In the meantime we must endeavor to piece together what happened here tonight. According to our data banks, this ship fired those torpedoes. +Her own father...? Such things have happened before, sir. +Any reply from Starfleet to our dispatch, Lieutenant. Not as yet, sir. +Not as yet, sir. Curious. You haven't been assisting Commander Uhura with her radio transmissions, have you, Lt? +Curious. You haven't been assisting Commander Uhura with her radio transmissions, have you, Lt? Commander Uhura has been experiencing technical difficulties sir. +Commander Uhura has been experiencing technical difficulties sir. Very well. For twenty-four hours we'll agree that this conversation did not take place. +Very well. For twenty-four hours we'll agree that this conversation did not take place. A lie? +A lie? An omission. After that - +Any progress? We've got a crew of three hundred turning their own quarters inside out, but the killers may be among them. Surely they've disposed of these boots by now. Wouldn't it have been logical to leave them on Gorkon's ship? +We've got a crew of three hundred turning their own quarters inside out, but the killers may be among them. Surely they've disposed of these boots by now. Wouldn't it have been logical to leave them on Gorkon's ship? Even logic must give way to physics. Gravity hadn't been restored by the time they escaped. Without their boots they would not have stayed on the Klingon transporter pads. +Suppose when they returned they threw the boots into the garbage? I'm having the garbage searched. If my surmise is correct these boots will cling to the killers' necks like Tiberian bats. They couldn't make their escape without them; nor can they simply throw them out a window for all to see; no - they're here. Somewhere. +A lie? An error. +If you are logical. I don't want to. +I don't want to. I believe you. Please... +But it was when you tried to persuade me the Captain was guilty that I should have understood. You can't prove any of this... +Perhaps neither of us was hearing very well that night, Lieutenant. There were things I tried to tell you too - about having faith. You've betrayed the Federation - all of you. +Direct hit - Confirmed, Captain! +Trouble? We've been ordered to - +We've been ordered to - In nineteenth century France, workers who felt their livelihood threatened by machines, flung their wooden shoes - called SABOTS - into the gears to stop them. Hence the word SABOTAGE. +In nineteenth century France, workers who felt their livelihood threatened by machines, flung their wooden shoes - called SABOTS - into the gears to stop them. Hence the word SABOTAGE. We are experiencing a technical malfunction. All backup systems inoperative. +We can send a message to Starfleet Command - I do not think so. Enterprise has disobeyed orders and harbors two escaped convicts. Admiral Donald will make certain all your ship-to- shore transmissions are jammed. +Sorry to wake you, sir, but Starfleet urgently requests any data we may have on the whereabouts of Enterprise. What? +What? Apparently they're refusing to acknowledge signal to return to spacedock, sir. +Apparently they're refusing to acknowledge signal to return to spacedock, sir. Signal Starfleet that... we have no idea location of Enterprise. +Signal Starfleet that... we have no idea location of Enterprise. Sir? +Sir? You having hearing problems, mister? +You having hearing problems, mister? No, sir. +According to this we've completed our exploration of the entire sector. Fifty-four planets - and their gaseous atmospheric anomalies. Our sensing and analytic equipment worked well. +Fifty-four planets - and their gaseous atmospheric anomalies. Our sensing and analytic equipment worked well. Then it's time we were heading home. Three years is... +I have an energy wave from 240 degrees mark six port -- Visual! +Don't tell me that was any meteor shower. Negative. The subspace shockwave originated at bearing three-two- three, mark seven-five, the location is... Praxis. A Klingon moon. Barren of indigenous life forms but - +Negative. The subspace shockwave originated at bearing three-two- three, mark seven-five, the location is... Praxis. A Klingon moon. Barren of indigenous life forms but - "Essential as a resource. Praxis is their key energy production facility. Send to Klingon High Command: ""This is Excelsior, a Federation Starship traveling through Beta Quadrant. We have monitored a large explosion in your sector. Do you require assistance?""" +I have confirmed the location, sir, but... What is it? +What is it? ... I cannot confirm the existence of Praxis. +Praxis? What's left of it. +At least we must keep track of where they are taken, sir. I - I've already addressed that question, Mr. Scott. We'll e able to follow the Captain's movements. +NO WAY! Mr. Scott, you forget yourself. Please accompany me. +It's as I said, Mr. Spock: Inventory still registers every torpedo. Yet the data banks insist we fired: twice. One computer is lying. +Yet the data banks insist we fired: twice. One computer is lying. A computer canna lie, sir. +A computer canna lie, sir. I think not. +I think not. You can check the torpedoes visually, if you like - +You can check the torpedoes visually, if you like - We'll have to check every one of them, Mr. Scott. +We'll have to check every one of them, Mr. Scott. That could take hours! +That could take hours! Nevertheless. +Nevertheless. And if they're still in place? +And if they're still in place? Then someone forged a data bank entry. +They don't place the same value on life that we do, Spock - you know that... take my word: she didn't shed one bloody tear... That's hardly conclusive, Mr. Scott, as Klingons have no tear ducts. +Twenty-four hours from now we won't have a clue where the Captain is. I know precisely where he'll be. +They dinna fire on themselves. And there were no other ships present. There was an enormous neutron energy surge. +There was an enormous neutron energy surge. Not from us! +Too far off. Very near us. Perhaps... underneath us... If another ship had been beneath us the Klingons would've seen her! +If another ship had been beneath us the Klingons would've seen her! Would they? +A Bird of Prey canna fire when she's cloaked! This one can. +This one can. They you're talking about a dreadful new engine of destruction, Mr. Spock. +They you're talking about a dreadful new engine of destruction, Mr. Spock. I believe I am. +- could take weeks, sir. Thank you, Mr. Scott. We were to return to spacedock, the killers would surely manage to dispose of their incriminating footwear. +They're outside the beaming shield. Mr. Scott, start your engines. Aye, aye, sir. +They're naturally wary, ma'am. We've been at war a long time. How do both sides overcome ingrained prejudice? +I assume command of this ship as of 0130 hours. Uhura, send to Starfleet HQ. Explain precisely what has taken place, and request instructions. Yes, sir. +Sulu's giving us his position and telling us he's standing by... He's placing himself in a most awkward position... +An ancestor of mine maintained that if you eliminate the impossible whatever remains - however improbable - must be the truth. What exactly does that mean? +What exactly does that mean? It means that if we cannot have fired those torpedoes then someone else did. +And they'd be right. We have no evidence - just a theory that happens to fit the facts... Even assuming you're correct, Mr. Spock, why would they fire on their own President? +Even assuming you're correct, Mr. Spock, why would they fire on their own President? I want this ship searched from bow to stern. Lieutenant Saavik, you are in charge. Start with the transporter room and work your way outwards... +I've pulled out my - uh wooden shoe and Starfleet is screaming for us to return to port. Mr. Scott, any progress on repairing our warp drive? +You understand that we have lost all contact with Captain Kirk...? At present, he's surrounded by a magnetic shield. If my calculations are correct, he should be deep into his escape planning by this time. +I don't think Starfleet could have envisioned our current predicament. Maybe we should write them a letter? +"Under impulse power she expends fuel like any other ship. We call it ""Plasma"" - I do not know the Klingon name for it, but by any name it is merely ionized gas." Well, what about all that atmospheric equipment we're carrying to catalogue gaseous anomalies? +They might as well arrest me, too; I felt like Lieutenant Saavik. But you didn't join a conspiracy. +Can you tell me how you came to be on the planet where we found you? "I was taken from my homeworld by people called the ""PakJeds."" They are fat. They traded me to a ship belonging to the ""Bolians."" The ""Bolians"" are blue. They put me in a seat and asked me questions. Then they were attacked by another ship..." +Fuzzy face is gone. Yes, please continue. +Yes, please continue. "I was in space for a long time. Then a ship belonging to the “Talosians"" picked me up. They asked me where I came from. I told them people called the “Pakleds"" took me from my homeworld. They are fat" +Do you know who I am? You are me. +You are me. No. My name is Data... I am your brother. +Do you know where you are? I am in a room with lights. +Can you remember our father? No. +Do you know the name of the Captain of this vessel? No. +No. Is that your final answer? +Brother. I cannot move. No, I have only activated your cognitive and communication subroutines. +No, I have only activated your cognitive and communication subroutines. Why? +Why? Because you are dangerous. +Because you are dangerous. Why? +Why? You have been programmed to gather information that can be used against this ship. +You have been programmed to gather information that can be used against this ship. I do not understand. +I do not understand. I know. +Do you know anything about Shinzon's plans against the Federation? No. +No. Do you have any knowledge of the tactical abi1ities of this ship? +Do you have any knowledge of the tactical abi1ities of this ship? No. Can I move now? +No. Can I move now? No. I must deactivate you. +No. I must deactivate you. For how long? +For how long? Indefinitely. +Indefinitely. How long is that? +I notice Dr. Crusher laughing along with the rest of you. As most of you know, the doctor will also soon be leaving the Enterprise, to assume command of Starfleet Medical. Again, I'm forced to ask, Beverly, have you considered what you're doing to little ole’ me?! I'll probably get some old battle-axe of a doctor who'll tell me to eat my vegetables and put me on report if I don’t show up for my physical on time! It'll serve you right. +Sort of like losing a son and gaining an empath, isn't it? Please, Beverly, this is hard enough. +Please, Beverly, this is hard enough. If you start tearing up I promise to beam you out. Level one medical emergency. There’s no crying in Starfleet. +When was he... created? About twenty-five years ago. They probably used a hair follicle or skin cell. +About twenty-five years ago. They probably used a hair follicle or skin cell. I think a skin cell’s the more likely of the two. +It has the ability to consume organic material at the subatomic level. I can't overestimate the danger of Thalaron radiation, Jean Luc. A microscopic amount could kill every living thing on this ship in a matter of seconds. Understood. Keep on it. I need to know what he has and how to neutralize any threat. Give me options. +Beverly, come in. You're working late. +Remember him? He was a bit proud as I recall. +He was a bit proud as I recall. He was a damn fool. Selfish and ambitious. Very much in need of seasoning. +He was a damn fool. Selfish and ambitious. Very much in need of seasoning. He turned out all right. +I so wanted to believe Shinzon. But the Thalaron radiation can't be explained away. Whatever he's after, it's not peace. Is he very much like you were? +Is he very much like you were? Yes. +Jean Luc, Whatever you were... Right now you're the man you've made yourself. He's someone else. I wish I could believe that, Doctor. +Aside from slightly elevated adrenalin and serotonin levels, you're completely normal. Can you describe it, Deanna? +The more I studied his DNA the more confusing it got. Finally I could only come to one conclusion... Shinzon was created with temporal RNA sequencing. He was designed so that at a certain point his aging process could be accelerated to reach your age more quickly, so he could replace you. But the Romulans abandoned the plan. +But the Romulans abandoned the plan. As a result the temporal sequencing was never activated. Remember, he was supposed to replace you at nearly your current age. He was engineered to skip thirty years of life. But since the RNA sequencing was never activated, his cellular structure has started to break down. He's dying. +As a result the temporal sequencing was never activated. Remember, he was supposed to replace you at nearly your current age. He was engineered to skip thirty years of life. But since the RNA sequencing was never activated, his cellular structure has started to break down. He's dying. Dying? +How long does he have? I can't be sure but the rate of decay seems to be accelerating. +But we do have one advantage. He needs your blood to live. He might come after you first. I'm counting on it... We've been ordered to head to sector 3274. Starfleet is diverting the fleet to meet us there. +To seek out new life and new civilizations. Zephyr. Cochran’s own words. When Charles Darwin set out on the H.M.S. Beagle, on his journey into the unknown... he sailed without a single musket. That was another time. +That was another time. How far we've come. Let me know if you need anything. +You can' t imagine them, Jean Luc. They're kids! All with advance degrees in xenobiology and out to conquer every disease in the quadrant. Reminds me of a young doctor I used to know... +Reminds me of a young doctor I used to know... They're running me ragged. Nothing but question day and night... I love it! Come to dinner and 1'1 tell you all about it. There's a Bajoran band at the officer's mess. +They're running me ragged. Nothing but question day and night... I love it! Come to dinner and 1'1 tell you all about it. There's a Bajoran band at the officer's mess. Not tonight, I have work here. +Not tonight, I have work here. Soon then. I’ll save the last dance for you. +So... To happy endings. To happy endings. +Sir. I noticed an interesting confluence of emotion at the wedding. I am familiar with the human concept of tears through laughter and its inverse, laughter through tears, but I could not help wondering about the human capacity for expressing both pleasure and sadness simultaneously. I understand why it would seem confusing. Certain human rituals... like weddings, birthdays or funerals evoke strong and very complex emotions. These rites carry great weight with us because they denote the passage of time. +I understand why it would seem confusing. Certain human rituals... like weddings, birthdays or funerals evoke strong and very complex emotions. These rites carry great weight with us because they denote the passage of time. And you were particularly aware of this feeling because Commander Riker will be leaving to assume command of the Titan? +And you were particularly aware of this feeling because Commander Riker will be leaving to assume command of the Titan? Will and Deanna joining the Titan. Dr. Crusher going to Starfleet Medical... +Will and Deanna joining the Titan. Dr. Crusher going to Starfleet Medical... "And this makes you ""sad""?" +"And this makes you ""sad""?" Well. I suppose it does a bit. I'm very happy for them, of course, but I'm going to miss them. The ship will seem... incomplete without them. +Well. I suppose it does a bit. I'm very happy for them, of course, but I'm going to miss them. The ship will seem... incomplete without them. That is because you have a familiarity with them. You can predict specific reactions and behavior and are comfortable in that knowledge. +That is because you have a familiarity with them. You can predict specific reactions and behavior and are comfortable in that knowledge. Yes. And, frankly, I envy them as well. They've made important choices; they're going to have great challenges ahead of them. New worlds to conquer... +The choices I made have led me here as well. This is the only home I have ever known. I cannot foresee a reason for leaving. You never know what's over the horizon, Data. Before too long you'll be offered a command of your own. +"If I were... I believe my memory engrams would sense the absence of your specific reactions and behavior. I would ""miss you.""" Now, you make a toast. +Now, you make a toast. To new worlds... +To new worlds... New worlds. Yes Data, brave new worlds... +The closest signature is two kilometers to the west... that direction, sir. Thank you, Data. Let's see what she can do. +The final signature is approx- imately 300 meters up that incline. Mister Worf, accompany Data please. +He is very observant. I can see that. +Data! Sorry, sir. +Starfleet intelligence was only able to provide a partial account of his military record. We can infer he is relatively young and a capablecommander. He fought seventeen major engagements in the war. All successful. Beyond that, we know nothing. Well... it seems we're truly sailing into the unknown. Keep at it. Anything you can give me would be appreciated. Dismissed. +Data to Captain Picard. Geordi and I have identified the source of the unauthorized computer access. And, I believe, we have also discovered an opportunity to gain a tactical advantage. On my way. +My mission was a success, sir. I have discovered the source of the Thalaron radiation. Good work. The download? +Good work. The download? He believes he has our communications protocols. But they will give him inaccurate locations for all Starfleet vessels. +A bit less florid, Data. Aye, sir... This way. +A weapon. It would appear so. +Geordi equipped me with the prototype for the Emergency Transport Unit. I recommend you use it to return to the Enterprise. It'll only work for one of us. +It'll only work for one of us. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. We'll find a way off together. Recommendations? +We'll find a way off together. Recommendations? There is a shuttlebay 948 meters from our current location. +Alacrity would be appreciated, Commander. They are trying to override the access codes. Reman is really a most complex language with pictographs representing certain verb roots and... +They are trying to override the access codes. Reman is really a most complex language with pictographs representing certain verb roots and... While I find that fascinating, Data, we really need that Goddamned door open! +What do you imagine this is? Port thrusters, sir. Would you like me to drive? +Can you open the shuttlebay doors? Affirmative, sir. Negative, sir. They have instigated security overrides and erected a force field around the external portals. +Affirmative, sir. Negative, sir. They have instigated security overrides and erected a force field around the external portals. Well then... only one way to go. +Do you think this is a wise course of action? We're about to find out... Power up disruptors and fire on my mark. +We're about to find out... Power up disruptors and fire on my mark. Ready, Captain. +Ready, Captain. Fire! +How long until we reach the fleet? At our current velocity we will arrive at sector 3274 in approximately 40 minutes. +"""For now we see but through a glass darkly..."" He said he's a mirror." Of you? +Of you? Yes. +Yes. I do not agree. Although you share the same genetic structure, the events of your life have created unique individual. +I do not agree. Although you share the same genetic structure, the events of your life have created unique individual. But so much is the same. On a biological level he is... and I will not accept the idea that there is nothing I can do. I have a responsibility to try to make a human connection with him. +But so much is the same. On a biological level he is... and I will not accept the idea that there is nothing I can do. I have a responsibility to try to make a human connection with him. "He would deny a ""human"" connection is possible. He considers himself entirely Reman." +"He would deny a ""human"" connection is possible. He considers himself entirely Reman." He may have already rejected my humanity, but you also have a twin +He may have already rejected my humanity, but you also have a twin No, sir, it is not possible. The B-9 is physically identical to me, although his neural pathways are not as advanced. But even if they were, he would not be me. +No, sir, it is not possible. The B-9 is physically identical to me, although his neural pathways are not as advanced. But even if they were, he would not be me. How can you be sure? +How can you be sure? I aspire, sir. To be better than I am. The B-9 does not. Nor does Shinzon. +We are passing through the Bassen Rift. The projections will return when we have cleared it. It's interfering with our uplink from Starfleet cartography? +It's interfering with our uplink from Starfleet cartography? Yes, sir. The Rift effects all long-range communications. +Yes, sir. The Rift effects all long-range communications. Commander Riker, evasive maneuvers! +We are losing dorsal shields. Full axis rotation to port! Fire all ventral phasers! +Captain, we have lost ventral shielding on deck twenty nine. Divert power and compensate. +We are being hailed. Deanna, stand by. Open a channel. +Sir, allow me to go. You are needed here. Negative. +Negative. Sir. +Why am I looking at me? You are not looking at your- self. You are looking at me. +You are not looking at your- self. You are looking at me. You do not look like me. +You have a red shirt. This is not an appropriate time for a conversation. +This is not an appropriate time for a conversation. Why? +Why? Because the captain has to concentrate on piloting the vehicle. +Because the captain has to concentrate on piloting the vehicle. Why? +Since positronic signatures have only been known to emanate from androids such as myself, it is logical to theorize that there is an android such as myself on Kolarus III. How many of you did Dr. Soong make? +How many of you did Dr. Soong make? I thought only me, myself and Lore. +Isolated pockets of humanoids. It appears to be a pre-warp civilization at an early stage of industrial development. Captain, I don't recommend transporting, that ion storm doesn't look very neighborly. -It could head this way with- out much warning . +Well, he seems to have the same internal mechanics as Data but not as much positronic develop- ment. The neural pathways aren't nearly as sophisticated. I’d say he's a prototype. Something Dr. Soong created before Data . Do you have a name, sir? +At present he serves no useful function. Dr. Soong created us to become active and useful members of society. I do not believe he would have wanted the B-9 to live out his life in his present state. I can't believe the Captain went along with a memory download. +I can't believe the Captain went along with a memory download. Captain Picard agrees that the B-9 was probably designed with the same self-actualization parameters as myself. If my memory engrams are successfully integrated into his positronic matrix, he should have all my abilities. +Captain Picard agrees that the B-9 was probably designed with the same self-actualization parameters as myself. If my memory engrams are successfully integrated into his positronic matrix, he should have all my abilities. He'd have all your memories too. You feel comfortable with that? +He'd have all your memories too. You feel comfortable with that? I feel nothing, Geordi. It is my belief that with my memory engrams he will be able to function as a more complete individual. +I feel nothing, Geordi. It is my belief that with my memory engrams he will be able to function as a more complete individual. An individual more like you, you mean. +An individual more like you, you mean. Yes. +Yes. Maybe he's not supposed to be like you. Maybe he's supposed to be just like he is. +What purpose does this serve? It seems to be a redundant memory port. Maybe it's for provisional memory storage in case his neural pathways overload? +It seems to be a redundant memory port. Maybe it's for provisional memory storage in case his neural pathways overload? Dr. Soong must have found it unnecessary in later versions. +Dr. Soong must have found it unnecessary in later versions. It's possible the extra memory port is interfering with the engram processing. Mind if I keep him here and run some diagnostics? +It's possible the extra memory port is interfering with the engram processing. Mind if I keep him here and run some diagnostics? No, I do not mind. +But I believe he will prove incapable of performing higher functions. Don't give up hope, Data. I know, I know, you're not capable of hope. +Don't give up hope, Data. I know, I know, you're not capable of hope. I am not. +We have lost structural integrity on decks twelve through seventeen, sections four through ten. Emergency force fields are holding. +It appears to be... ... an arm. Why is it moving? +Why is it moving? Like me, it has been designed with modular power sources. +It's you. The resemblance is... striking. +No. I would like to pick you up now. May I do that? +If you wouldn't mind. Thank you. +Really, Captain, it was a lovely toast. The least I could do for you, Deanna. Besides, you know me... I’m a talking head. +The least I could do for you, Deanna. Besides, you know me... I’m a talking head. And you needn't worry. I'll brief your new counselor on everything she needs to know. +And you needn't worry. I'll brief your new counselor on everything she needs to know. The hell you will. You know too much about me as it is ... Now you promised there are no speeches during the ceremony on Betazed. +May I have this dance? With pleasure, Captain. +Counselor. Do you have a moment, sir? +Do you have a moment, sir? Of course, sit down. +"It's about Data I've watched him with the B-9 and I'm troubled. Data's desire for a ""family"" is very strong. I'm afraid he may be investing too much in the B-9." You're speaking of emotional investment? +You're speaking of emotional investment? The B-9 is like a slow child, sir. And Data, in his own way, has assumed the position of a parent or guardian. I'm afraid he has expectations based on his own experiences. He'll be disappointed when the BI-9 cannot meet those expectations. +The B-9 is like a slow child, sir. And Data, in his own way, has assumed the position of a parent or guardian. I'm afraid he has expectations based on his own experiences. He'll be disappointed when the BI-9 cannot meet those expectations. As much as we care for him, Deanna... we have to remember that Data isn't capable of disappointment. +As much as we care for him, Deanna... we have to remember that Data isn't capable of disappointment. I don't believe that, sir. We’ve shared many disappointing journeys. +I'm going to miss you. And I you. +I would say he's been trained to resist telepathy. What I could sense of his emotions were erratic, very hard to follow. Is he sincere about wanting peace? +Is he sincere about wanting peace? I don't know. +Sir, the strongest sense I had was that he's more than urious about you. He very much wants to know you. The same way you want to know him. How could I not? +How could I not? Captain, don't assume he's anything like you are. You should resist the urge to think you know him. +Captain, don't assume he's anything like you are. You should resist the urge to think you know him. I not only know him, Deanna, I am him.. and he is me! +Shinzon's Viceroy seems to have the ability to reach into my thoughts. I've become a liability... I request to be relieved of my duties. Permission denied. If you can possibly endure any more of these assaults. I need you at my side. Now more than ever I... +How can you be certain? I know how he thinks. +Captain -- I might have a way to find them. Counselor? +Counselor? The one thing he may have forgotten in the course of battle: me. +The one thing he may have forgotten in the course of battle: me. Make it so. +But how can he? He'll kill you. This isn't about me anymore. +I'm only half human. Deanna Troi of Betazed. Empathic and telepathic abilities, ship's counselor. All of this I knew... But I didn't know you were so beautiful. +Imzadi. This is so good. No! +He can never know you as I know you... He can never touch you as I touch you. This isn't real. +This isn't real. Can you feel my hands... are they real? Can you feel my lips, my loins? +I'll always be with you now. Now and forever. You sick bastard! +You're not here. Very logical, Deanna... But your heart doesn't constrain itself to mere logic. To leave all of this behind and be with me. +No. I can feel your desire, Deanna. +Captain Picard, Commander Donatra of the Warbird Valdore. Might we be of assistance? Your timing is impeccable, Commander. +Your timing is impeccable, Commander. The Empire considers this a matter of internal security. We regret you've become involved. +The Empire considers this a matter of internal security. We regret you've become involved. When this is over, I owe you a drink. +I'm afraid that drink will have to wait, Captain. Do you have life support? +Open a channel. This is Commander Donatra of the Valdore. We're dispatching shuttles with medical personnel and supplies. +This is Commander Donatra of the Valdore. We're dispatching shuttles with medical personnel and supplies. Thank you, Commander. +It's very faint but I've isolated it to the third planet in the Kolarin system. What do we know about the planet? +What do we know about the planet? Uncharted. We'll have to get closer for a more detailed scan. +Uncharted. We'll have to get closer for a more detailed scan. Theories? +I read six distinct positronic signatures, spread out over a few kilometers on the surface. What do we know about the population? +Cannon fodder. Then how did a Reman get to be Praetor? I don't get it. +It's going to take some time to find out -- the data stream was rerouted through substations all over the ship. What programs were accessed? +What programs were accessed? That's what I don't get -- it's mostly basic stellar cartography: star charts; communications protocols; some uplinks from colony tracking stations. It's not even restricted material. +That's what I don't get -- it's mostly basic stellar cartography: star charts; communications protocols; some uplinks from colony tracking stations. It's not even restricted material. Set up a security program to detect any unusual data stream rerouting. If it happens again, we want to be ready. +Set up a security program to detect any unusual data stream rerouting. If it happens again, we want to be ready. There's something else. I was reviewing the sensor logs. +I thought Thalaron radiation was theoretical. Which is why our initial scans didn't pick it up. But he's got it, Captain. +Which is why our initial scans didn't pick it up. But he's got it, Captain. As I remember, Thalaron research was banned in the Federation because of its bioqenic properties. +It's called a Cascading Bio- genic Pulse. The unique properties of Thalaron radiation allow the energy beam to expand almost without limits. Depending on the radiant intensity it could encompass a ship... or a planet. And that's exactly what he's going to do. +He's getting his cloak back. We have exhausted our compliment of photon torpedoes. Phaser banks are down to four percent. What if we target all phasers in a concentrated attack? +What's he doing? He wants to look me in the eye. +He thinks he knows exactly what I'm going to do. Sir? +Sir? We’ve got him! +Geordi, put 211 power to the engines. Take it from life support if you have to -- everything you can give me. Aye, sir. +Aye, sir. Deanna, on my mark. +Deanna, on my mark. Ready, sir! +How long until he can fire? The targeting sequence should take about four minutes. +Prepare for a site-to-site transport. Sir, we won’t be able to bring you back. It’s a one way trip. Captain, I don't know if the transporter... +Sir, we won’t be able to bring you back. It’s a one way trip. Captain, I don't know if the transporter... That's an order, Commander. +You have the bridge, Commander. Use all available power to move away from the Scimitar. Now, Mister La Forge. Aye, sir. +Sir, we're being hailed. On screen. +Geordi... prepare the shuttle- bay for arrivals. They don't know our procedures so just... open the doors. I'll take care of it, sir. +I'll take care of it, sir. Number One. You have the bridge. +With or without the rest of the fleet? A diplomatic mission. We've been invited, believe it or not. Seems there's been some kind of internal political shakeup. The new Praetor, someone called Shinzon, has requested a Federation envoy. +A diplomatic mission. We've been invited, believe it or not. Seems there's been some kind of internal political shakeup. The new Praetor, someone called Shinzon, has requested a Federation envoy. New Praetor? +New Praetor? There's more... as always. He's Reman. +Believe me, we don't under- stand it either. You're the closest ship so I want you to high tail it over there and hear what he has to say. Get the lay of the land, If the Empire becomes unstable, it could mean trouble for the entire quadrant. Understood. +Just lucky, Admiral. Let's hope that luck holds. Janeway out. +Enterprise. We are the Reman Warbird Scimitar. Praetor Shinzon, I'm pleased to... +Praetor Shinzon, I'm pleased to... I am not Shinzon. I am his Viceroy. We are sending transport coordinates. +So, human... you've met your better self! What are you doing to Counsellor Troi? +What are you doing to Counsellor Troi? I'm preparing her for Shinzon. To sooth him as she soothes you. To stand at his side as she does at yours. +I'm preparing her for Shinzon. To sooth him as she soothes you. To stand at his side as she does at yours. That will never happen. +That will never happen. Listen to him, android. Such a small and weak creature. Yet he roars so valiantly... +It would take me but an instant to tear that valiant heart from your chest. There'll be another after me. And another after that. You'll find we're a resilient species. +There'll be another after me. And another after that. You'll find we're a resilient species. I look forward to the sport. Take him. +I won't do it. Won’t do what, Mister Worf? +Won’t do what, Mister Worf? Captain. I think it is inappropriate for a Starfleet officer to appear... Naked. +Captain. I think it is inappropriate for a Starfleet officer to appear... Naked. Come now, a big, strapping fellow like you? What are you afraid of? +I'm picking up an unusual electromagnetic signature from the Kolarin system. What sort of signature? +To find the head, sir? If you don't mind. +Sir, I recommend we raise shields. Not yet, Mister Worf. +No! Captain! +Captain! Tactical analysis, Mister Worf. +Tactical analysis, Mister Worf. Fifty-two disruptor banks, twenty-seven photon torpedo bays, primary and secondary phased shields. +We're being hailed. On screen. +Sir, we've had an unauthorized access into the main computer. Who was it? +Worf, prepare a full phaser spread, zero elevation. All banks on my mark. Scan for shield impacts and stand by photon torpedoes. Aye, sir +Sir, we're being hailed. On screen. +Coordinate our attack with the Valdore's tactical officer. Triangulate fire on any shield impacts. Aye, sir. +Captain, the Hemingway has arrived to tow us to spacedock. On my way. Please notify Commander Riker. +What's this? Your new chair, sir. +Diverting to the Kolarin system takes us awfully close to the Romulan Neutral Zone. Still well on our side... +I think it's worth a look. Don't worry, Number One, we'll get you to Betazed with time to spare. Thank you, sir... +Thank you, sir... Where we will all honor the Betazoid traditions. No cold feet, or any other parts of our anatomy. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’ll be in the gym. +Captain, I hope I don't have to remind you -- I appreciate your concern, Number One, but I've been itching to try out the Argo. +I appreciate your concern, Number One, but I've been itching to try out the Argo. Sir -- +Sir -- Captain's prerogative, Will. There's no foreseeable danger... and your wife would never forgive me if anything happened to you. +Captain, you have an Alpha Priority communication from Starfleet Command. Acknowledged ... ...I'll talk to Data. +We have to assume he had Romulan collaborators. A coup d'etat? +A coup d'etat? The Praetor's power has always been the Romulan fleet. They must be behind him. +Why don't they answer our hails? It's an old psychological strategy, Number One. To put him in a position of dominance and make us uneasy. +It's an old psychological strategy, Number One. To put him in a position of dominance and make us uneasy. It's working. +It's working. Counselor? +Captain, with all due respect to diplomatic protocols -- the Federation Council's not sitting out here, we are. Patience. Diplomacy is a very exacting occupation. We can wait. +She's not out for a pleasure cruise. She's a predator. +Not very chatty. Away team. Transporter room four. +He wasn't designed to live a complete, human life span. Can anything be done for him? +Sir? His hatred of the Federation is apparent. He would have built a weapon of that scope for one reason. He is going after Earth. +His hatred of the Federation is apparent. He would have built a weapon of that scope for one reason. He is going after Earth. Oh boy. Destroy humanity and the Federation is crippled. +Oh boy. Destroy humanity and the Federation is crippled. And the Romulans invade. +Strength in numbers? We can only hope so. +Report. He's firing through his cloak. We can't get a lock. +Counselor Troi, report to the bridge. Unless we can disable his cloak we're just going to be firing in the dark. +Unless we can disable his cloak we're just going to be firing in the dark. Agreed. +The Titan's a fine ship, will. And she's getting a captain worthy of her. She's the most beautiful ship I’ve ever seen. +But she's not the Enterprise. I promise you in time, she'll become your home ...If I could offer you one piece of advice? +I promise you in time, she'll become your home ...If I could offer you one piece of advice? Anything. +Anything. When your first officer insists that you can't go on away missions... Ignore him. +When your first officer insists that you can't go on away missions... Ignore him. I intend to. +Serving with you has been an honor. The honor was mine. Captain Riker. +I hope you'll forgive the darkness... we're not comfortable in the light. Praetor Shinzon? +And you're not as we imagined you. No? +Praetor? I've never met a human woman. +I am, Commander Riker... May I touch your hair? Praetor, we've come to Romulus on a matter we were -- assured was of great importance. If you have anything to say to us as representatives of the Federation, I suggest you do so now. +On the world I come from there's no light. No sun. Beauty isn't important. I see now there's a world elsewhere. Praetor Shinzon. We’re not here to discuss your lack of a social life. +Praetor Shinzon. We’re not here to discuss your lack of a social life. Yes, I'm sorry, Captain. There's so much we have to talk about. +Yes, I'm sorry, Captain. There's so much we have to talk about. I would be interested to know what we are talking about. +I would be interested to know what we are talking about. Unity, Captain! Tearing down the walls between us to recognize we are one people. Federation and Romulan. Human and Vulcan and Klingon and Reman. I'm speaking of the thing that makes us the same. We want peace. +I want to end the centuries of mistrust. I want to be your ally, not your enemy. As a first step I propose we eliminate the Neutral Zone and begin a free and open exchange of goods and ideas. And the Senate supports you? +And the Senate supports you? I have dissolved the Senate. +Right now, you’re thinking this all sounds too good to be true? Yes. +Yes. And you're wondering why the Scimitar is so well armed. Is this the ship of a peacemaker? Or a predator?. +But you're also thinking the chance for peace is too promising to ignore. Above allyou're trying to decide if you can trust me. Yes. +Yes. Then perhaps the time has come to add some illumination to our discussion. Computer, raise lighting four levels. +No one knew what to do. Finally I was taken to a doctor who had some experience with Terran illnesses and I was finally diagnosed with Shalaft's syndrome. Do you know of it, Captain? You know I do. +We need to talk, just you and I. Come to dinner on Romulus tomorrow. Just the two of us. Or just the one of us. +Come to dinner on Romulus tomorrow. Just the two of us. Or just the one of us. You know I need to verify this. +You know I need to verify this. I know. +And when I was ready they were going to replace you with me, an exact biological duplicate. Put a Romulan agent at the heart of Starfleet to.influence your command structure. It was a bold plan. What happened? +What happened? As happens so frequently here on Romulus, a new government came to power. They decided to abandon the plan -- frankly, I think they were afraid I'd be discovered and it would lead to war. They weren't ready for that. +Romulan ale -- I'm surprised. I can't stand it. You'll acquire a taste for it. +It's not quite the face you remember. Not quite. I envy the hair- line. +Not quite. I envy the hair- line. A lifetime of violence will do that. My nose was broken four times. And my jaw... But so much is the same. The eyes, you recognize the eyes. +A lifetime of violence will do that. My nose was broken four times. And my jaw... But so much is the same. The eyes, you recognize the eyes. Yes. The eyes have it. +Yes. The eyes have it. Our eyes reflect our lives, don't they? Yours are so confident. +Our eyes reflect our lives, don't they? Yours are so confident. How did you end up on Remus? +How did you end up on Remus? They sent me there to die. How could a mere human survive the dilithium mines? It was... I was a slave. And a monster. The only thing the Romulan guards hated more than the Remans was me. But one man took pity on me: the man who became my Viceroy. He taught me how to survive. And in that dark place, where there was nothing of myself, I found my Reman brothers. They showed me the only kindness I ever knew. +For thousands of years the Romulan Senate has met in this chamber and dictated the fate of its sister-planet... But the time has come for us to live as equals. You're doing this to liberate the Remans? +You're doing this to liberate the Remans? No race should be a slave to another. +You don't trust me. I have no reason to. +I have no reason to. Of course you do. If you had lived my life and experienced the suffering of my people... you’d be sitting where I am now. At least I hope you would. +Of course you do. If you had lived my life and experienced the suffering of my people... you’d be sitting where I am now. At least I hope you would. And if you had lived my life you would understand that there is a great respons- ibility in representing the Federation. I can't let my personal feelings unduly influence my decisions. +And if you had lived my life you would understand that there is a great respons- ibility in representing the Federation. I can't let my personal feelings unduly influence my decisions. All I have is my personal feelings. I wasn't raised with the ideals of the Federation. But I'm trying to understand them now. To live up to them. To live up to you. +I want to know where I come from. The Remans gave me a future. You can tell me about my past. There's so much, and so much of it is dull... +There's so much, and so much of it is dull... Were we always explorers? +Were we always explorers? No. I was the first Picard to leave Earth. It caused quite a stir, In fact. But I had spent my whole life... +No. I was the first Picard to leave Earth. It caused quite a stir, In fact. But I had spent my whole life... Looking up at the stars. +Looking up at the stars. Yes. +Yes. And you dreamed about what was up there. About... +And you dreamed about what was up there. About... New worlds. +After you, Praetor. Age before rank, Jean Luc. +So I'm not as tall as you expected? I always hoped I would hit two meters. +I always hoped I would hit two meters. With a full head of hair. +With a full head of hair. There is that. +Shinzon... I'm trying to believe you. I know. +I know. If there's one ideal the Federation holds most dear it's that all men, all races, can be united. From the first time the Vulcans came to Earth we've sought a future of peace. Nothing would make me more proud than to take your hand in friend- ship. In time. When trust has been earned. +If there's one ideal the Federation holds most dear it's that all men, all races, can be united. From the first time the Vulcans came to Earth we've sought a future of peace. Nothing would make me more proud than to take your hand in friend- ship. In time. When trust has been earned. I'm honored to think I might someday speak with such eloquence. +In time, Jean Luc. In time. +Hello, Jean Luc. Why am I here? +Why am I here? I was lonely... +What are you doing? I need a sample of your blood. What do your Borg friends say? Resistance is futile. +All of this so you could capture me? Don't be so vain. After we found it, we made a few modifications. An extra memory port, a hidden transponder. Perhaps your eyes will be a bit less confident when you learn I've gained access to Starfleet's communications protocols. I now know the location of your entire fleet ... You may go. +Maybe I'll train it to do little tricks for me like your robot does. Or maybe I’ll snap its ugly head off. What's this all about? +What's this all about? It's about destiny, Picard. About a Reman outcast who... +It's about destiny, Picard. About a Reman outcast who... You're not Reman. +You're not Reman. And I'm not quite human. So what am I? What do you see? Do you see a life you might have led? Lost youth never to be recaptured? +And I'm not quite human. So what am I? What do you see? Do you see a life you might have led? Lost youth never to be recaptured? I see a young man trying desperately to deny who he is. +I see a young man trying desperately to deny who he is. I see an old man, set in his ways, afraid to live without a uniform to prop him up and a Starfleet regulation to tell him what to do. I see the man I will never be. +I see an old man, set in his ways, afraid to live without a uniform to prop him up and a Starfleet regulation to tell him what to do. I see the man I will never be. I won't defend my life to you. +I won't defend my life to you. My life is meaningless as long as you're alive. What am I while you exist? A shadow? An enigma? +My life is meaningless as long as you're alive. What am I while you exist? A shadow? An enigma? If your issues are with me... This has nothing to do with my ship and nothing to do with the Federation. +If your issues are with me... This has nothing to do with my ship and nothing to do with the Federation. Oh, but it does. We will no longer bow like slaves before anyone. Not the Romulans and not your mighty Federation. We're a race bred for war. For conquest. +Oh, but it does. We will no longer bow like slaves before anyone. Not the Romulans and not your mighty Federation. We're a race bred for war. For conquest. Think about what you're doing, Shinzon. Are you ready to plunge the entire quadrant into war to satisfy your own personal demons? +Think about what you're doing, Shinzon. Are you ready to plunge the entire quadrant into war to satisfy your own personal demons? It amazes me how little you know yourself. +It amazes me how little you know yourself. I'm incapable of such an act, and so are you. +I'm incapable of such an act, and so are you. I think the facts speak for themselves. The same noble Picard blood runs in our veins. Had you lived my life, you'd be doing exactly as I am. Look in the mirror, and see yourself. +You can't trace my holographic emitters, Captainn. So don't bother. And you can't contact Starfleet. We're quite alone. We are. +We are. It's just the two of us now, Jean Luc, as it should be... Your ship and mine... You and me. +It's just the two of us now, Jean Luc, as it should be... Your ship and mine... You and me. Why are you here? +Why are you here? To accept your surrender. I can clearly destroy you at any time. Lower your shields and allow me to transport you to my ship. +To accept your surrender. I can clearly destroy you at any time. Lower your shields and allow me to transport you to my ship. And what of the Enterprise? +And what of the Enterprise? I have little interest in your quaint vessel, Captain. If the Enterprise will withdraw to a distance of one hundred light years, it will not be harmed. +I have little interest in your quaint vessel, Captain. If the Enterprise will withdraw to a distance of one hundred light years, it will not be harmed. You know that's not possible. +You know that's not possible. I know... you'll all gladly die to save your home world. +I know... you'll all gladly die to save your home world. Look at me, Shinzon! Do you feel the blood pumping inside you? Your hands, your eyes, your nature, are the same as mine. Buried deep inside you beneath the years of pain and anger is a capacity you've forgotten. It's the one way our mirror can reflect the two of us exactly because it's the very thing that truly defines us. To be human is to try to make yourself better than you are. +I know you as well as I know myself, Shinzon. There was a time you looked at the stars and dreamed of what might be. Long ago. +Long ago. Not so long. +Not so long. Childish dreams, Captain. Lost in the dilithium mines of Remus. I'm what you see now. +Childish dreams, Captain. Lost in the dilithium mines of Remus. I'm what you see now. I see more than what you are. +The man who is Jean Luc Picard and Shinzon of Remus won't exterminate the population of an entire planet! He is better than that! He is what his life has made him! +Yes. So if I gave you my life, what would you do with it? Would you spend the years in a blaze of hatred as you are now? Or could you change? Could you try to remember a mother's touch you never felt? A father's words you never heard? Could you do that? +So if I gave you my life, what would you do with it? Would you spend the years in a blaze of hatred as you are now? Or could you change? Could you try to remember a mother's touch you never felt? A father's words you never heard? Could you do that? I don't know. +I don't know. But you want to. +That's your life... not mine. Please. +Please. It’s too late. +It’s too late. You can still make a choice! Make the right one now! +You can still make a choice! Make the right one now! I have no choices! I can't fight what I am! +I hope you're still alive, Jean Luc. I am. +I am. Don't you think it's time to surrender? I'll have my cloak back in a matter of minutes and your poor ship is shot to pieces. Why should the rest of your crew have to die? +Praetor, we've received the transponder signal. On my way. +Report! Two ships decloaking, sir! Romulan! +Target disruptors. Destroy them. Disruptors are off-line, sir. +Deploy the weapon. Kill everything on that ship. Then set a course for Earth. What about Picard? +What about Picard? Our greater goal is more important, brother. +Our greater goal is more important, brother. But, Praetor, you won't survive without him... +Well, that sounds relaxing too. It is... invigorating. +So they’ve got him up and running. He's a very unusual android. +He's a very unusual android. Runs in the family. +My God... Should I raise shields? +Minimal damage to the Scimitar. Defensive pattern Kirk Epsilon. Geordi, get those shields online. +Believe it or not, I think the cavalry has arrived. We're being hailed. +Intruder alert! Let's go. +Are we prepared? Yes, Praetor. +This is a mistake. He's gentler than I thought. And he has a sense of humor. +He's gentler than I thought. And he has a sense of humor. Don't forget our mission, Shinzon. We should act. Now. Time is running out. +Don't forget our mission, Shinzon. We should act. Now. Time is running out. My time. I'll spend it how I choose. +The bond is broken. Find her again. +Find her again. No -- this is wasting time. +No -- this is wasting time. Do as I tell you! +It's accelerating. You have no more time for games. Have the doctors prepare. I'll be on the bridge.' +How long? A matter of hours now. +How long until we reach the Rift? Seven minutes. +Let her pursue -- drop cloak on the aft port quadrant and prepare for full emergency stop. What?! +What?! You heard me. +Praetor... FULL STOP AND FIRE ! +What is it?!! Focus on your job!! She is here. +Join us, Commanders. Now what's the disposition of the fleet? They're holding position. +They're holding position. And? +And? They will obey, Praetor. +They will obey, Praetor. It's imperative we retain their allegiance or our great mission will be strangled before it can truly draw breath. +How many Warbirds will you need? None. +Praetor. You have the whole fleet at your disposal. They supported the coup, they'll follow you. The Scimitar will serve my needs. +The Scimitar will serve my needs. But surely... +But surely... I came this far alone ... +Then I don't understand the reason for the delay! You don't have to understand. +You don't have to understand. And bringing the Enterprise here?! What possible purpose could that serve? +And bringing the Enterprise here?! What possible purpose could that serve? I have a purpose. +I have a purpose. Then perhaps you will enlight- en us? +Then perhaps you will enlight- en us? Silence, Romulan! +You must learn patience, Commander. Do you know where I learned it? In the dilithium mines of Remus. Spend eighteen hours every day under the ash of a Romulan guard’s whip and you'll soon understand patience. Praetor. +Praetor. Now go. I have some personal business. +I thought we discussed patience, Commander. And mine is wearing thin, young man! We supported you because you promised action. And yet you delay and you waste your time playing games with Picard while-- +Commander Suran, the games are over. In two days the Federation will be crippled beyond repair. Does that satisfy you? For the moment. +For the moment. And when I return... you and I shall have a little talk about showing proper respect! +Benny, God, take it easy... I don't want to scare them away. +Right in line with that burning tree. I don't see anything. +I don't see anything. It's there. The fog's thicker now, but it's there. What do you think started those fires? +Benny, there's nothing there. There is. They came out of the belly of the ship and then went to the first terrace and flew down into the houses. +There is. They came out of the belly of the ship and then went to the first terrace and flew down into the houses. Flew?! Oh, come on Benny... +What did I tell you? Probably kids. +Don't you think you should call a backup? No, we can handle this. +Mike, call for back-up. Benny, you all right? I don't think so... +I don't think so... Benny, this is me. I'm going to take a look. +Gate three. It's boarding now. Thank you. +Thank you. Have a nice trip. +What can I do for you folks? How much are your rooms? +How much are your rooms? Thirty-seven fifty for one person, forty-nine fifty for two. +You have one with two beds? Sure. +Sure. I'll take that. +I'll take that. Fill this out. Will this be cash or credit card? +Fill this out. Will this be cash or credit card? Credit card. +Credit card. I'll have to run your card off now. +I'll have to run your card off now. We're only going to be here a few hours... +We're only going to be here a few hours... It's still the full price. +Do you have a good map of Death Valley? We should have. Let me see. +Food. Eat. I prepare food. I work as a cook. That's how I make money. I understand. +I understand. What do you do? +What do you do? I make maps. +I make maps. Hey, that sounds interesting. You like it? +Hey, that sounds interesting. You like it? Eh... yes. +Eh... yes. Make any money? +Make any money? No. +No. You don't get rich as a cook, either, believe me. I got a girl going to college this fall. The wife had to go back to nursing to help pay for it. +Do you have children? No. +No. They're damned expensive and a pain in the ass sometimes, but I wouldn't trade having them for anything. +What do you think of America? It is beautiful. +Well, here we are... You go down that ramp there, you're sure to get a ride. Thank you. +Thank you. And don't be shy about your English. You speak better than a lot of people I know. Take care of yourself. +No!!! No!!! He's got a gun!! +Where did you stop last? What the hell do you think you're doing? +What the hell do you think you're doing? Where did you stop last? +Where did you stop last? Stay right there... +Stay right there... What was your last stop? +What was your last stop? Elmo's... +Elmo's... Where's that? +Where's that? About five miles back. +We're going... Damn! We'll tell the press that there was an accident. Chemical warfare spill. That cover cannot be violated in any way. Understand me, Shermin? Major Bell here, sir. We have to tell these people that we're friendly. That this whole thing was a mistake. Is anyone trying to contact the ship? +Major Bell here, sir. We have to tell these people that we're friendly. That this whole thing was a mistake. Is anyone trying to contact the ship? Shermin, I want you and Bell to start looking for the one on the ground. +Recognize this? It's a copy of the plaque NASA sent into space on the Pioneer probes. +It's a copy of the plaque NASA sent into space on the Pioneer probes. Houston found it in the extraterrestrial's suit. +Houston found it in the extraterrestrial's suit. They must have picked it up in space. +It's real, George. There's no mistake? You're absolutely sure? +There's no mistake? You're absolutely sure? I saw it with my own eyes. We've killed an extraterrestrial and... +I saw it with my own eyes. We've killed an extraterrestrial and... Is there any possibility that it's a hoax? Could you be mistaken? +Is there any possibility that it's a hoax? Could you be mistaken? None. And there's another one in the area that's alive. I don't know if it's the only one. I don't know if it was left here by accident or it's part of an inva... +None. And there's another one in the area that's alive. I don't know if it's the only one. I don't know if it was left here by accident or it's part of an inva... Get the body out of there. Load it on the Air Force chopper and get it to Wright Patterson. They'll take it from there... We didn't expect this, Shermin. +Get the body out of there. Load it on the Air Force chopper and get it to Wright Patterson. They'll take it from there... We didn't expect this, Shermin. Neither did I. +We'll need a lot of help, George. You could hide an army up here. I'm going to the White House right now. I'll try and get you everything you need. +I'm going to the White House right now. I'll try and get you everything you need. Wait, wait... What are my orders if we find this thing? +Contain it and get back to me. What do you mean by 'contain?' +Then it's not an accident that they found us. We don't think that's necessarily bad. At least it's a point of contact. +We don't think that's necessarily bad. At least it's a point of contact. Not necessarily bad! If they knew we were here why didn't they let us know they were coming? +Not necessarily bad! If they knew we were here why didn't they let us know they were coming? We'll get those answers when you find the one you're looking for. +We'll get those answers when you find the one you're looking for. That's not going to happen, George, unless you get us the help you promised us. +That's not going to happen, George, unless you get us the help you promised us. We've been back and forth on this all day and keeping in mind the panic that would occur if this got to the general public, it's been decided not to expand the search at this time. +We've been back and forth on this all day and keeping in mind the panic that would occur if this got to the general public, it's been decided not to expand the search at this time. Don't let them do it this way, George. It's too important. We can't find this thing alone. +Don't let them do it this way, George. It's too important. We can't find this thing alone. You have to. We're trying to contact the ship. If we do, I'll let you know immediately. Good luck. +George, we've just confirmed the existence of the live extraterrestrial. When can we expect containment? +When can we expect containment? Well, we're in pursuit of a green Mustang... +Well, we're in pursuit of a green Mustang... It's in a green Mustang? +It's in a green Mustang? Yes. It's kidnapped a woman at gunpoint and from what we can make out is forcing her to drive it somewhere. +Why did you let it get into a populated area? It's taken on a disguise. +It's taken on a disguise. Clarify that. +Clarify that. It's made itself look like the woman's dead husband. +The extraterrestrial now looks like this. Oh shit!!! +You sure you want this, because... that's putting an awful lot of faith in people we have no control over... I'm afraid the situation demands that kind of risk. +I'm afraid the situation demands that kind of risk. I don't like it, George... +I don't like it, George... Dammit Shermin. Earlier you were asking for help. What's changed? +Dammit Shermin. Earlier you were asking for help. What's changed? It's messy... the thing's got a gun... We're just asking for somebody to get killed... +It's messy... the thing's got a gun... We're just asking for somebody to get killed... We don't know what else to do. We need results. +We don't know what else to do. We need results. You'll get results one way or the other, that's for sure... Okay. +You'll get results one way or the other, that's for sure... Okay. I'm gonna be here if you need anything. +We're growing very concerned back here. There's no use pretending otherwise. We're rapidly approaching a 'condition red.' People are beginning to ask difficult questions. I'll make this as simple as I can, George. They disappeared. +I'll make this as simple as I can, George. They disappeared. I don't care where you're from you just can't disappear into thin air. +I don't care where you're from you just can't disappear into thin air. George, listen to what you're saying. This thing's changed itself into a man. Disappearing may not be that big a deal. +George, listen to what you're saying. This thing's changed itself into a man. Disappearing may not be that big a deal. So far you've let it cross the heart of America. For two days it has been absorbing information that is detrimental to our security. I don't see the humor in that. +Maybe... look, this is just something to think about... from what I got at the shopping center, it was more scared than anything else... I don't feel it's as big a threat as you think it is... Is that what's affecting your performance? +Is that what's affecting your performance? I'm not being unpatriotic, and I'm doing my damndest to catch them. Bell's up on 80 and I'm down here on 70 past Grand Junction. They're heading west. If they're not flying we have a damn good chance of getting them. All I'm asking is that you people think about it. +I'm not being unpatriotic, and I'm doing my damndest to catch them. Bell's up on 80 and I'm down here on 70 past Grand Junction. They're heading west. If they're not flying we have a damn good chance of getting them. All I'm asking is that you people think about it. You just do your job, Shermin. We'll make the policy. +Hello George. Shermin... +Shermin... What's all this for? +What's all this for? We have a new directive. I'm taking over. +We have a new directive. I'm taking over. We don't have to do it that way. We can catch him this time. +We don't have to do it that way. We can catch him this time. Washington thinks it's too late for that. +Washington thinks it's too late for that. I've never been taken off an assignment in my life. Give me twenty- four hours and I'll have him for you. +I've never been taken off an assignment in my life. Give me twenty- four hours and I'll have him for you. You're not hearing me. +You're not hearing me. You can change a directive, George. You've done it before. Listen to me. He's going somewhere in Death Valley. Lathrop Wells was never anything but a bus stop. East is the nuclear site. There are no roads in there. She was teaching him to hitchhike. I'm telling you. We block the four roads into Death Valley and we got him. +You can change a directive, George. You've done it before. Listen to me. He's going somewhere in Death Valley. Lathrop Wells was never anything but a bus stop. East is the nuclear site. There are no roads in there. She was teaching him to hitchhike. I'm telling you. We block the four roads into Death Valley and we got him. We'll do that. But how are we going to hold him? He can change himself into a man. He can disappear. +We'll do that. But how are we going to hold him? He can change himself into a man. He can disappear. That's the chance we have to take. +That's the chance we have to take. No, we don't. +No, we don't. Then you're going to have to do it without me. +Then you're going to have to do it without me. You're a career intelligence officer, Shermin. You'll be in the air with us. +You're a career intelligence officer, Shermin. You'll be in the air with us. You're talking about taking a life. The most unique life form on this planet. I think we're better than that. +No deal. I'm afraid we can't let you go. +George... Do you hear me, George? What? +What? I just retired. +I just retired. Shermin!! Shermin!!! +Mrs. Haydn... This is George Fox... +This is George Fox... I want to speak to Marc Shermin. +I want to speak to Marc Shermin. You can speak to me, Mrs. Haydn. I'm in charge of this operation now. +You can speak to me, Mrs. Haydn. I'm in charge of this operation now. If I don't speak to Mr. Shermin, I'm hanging up. +If I don't speak to Mr. Shermin, I'm hanging up. Okay... +I won't let anyone hurt you. Watch it. They're coming out. +This is Marc Shermin. Where are you, Mrs. Haydn? I don't know. Someplace called Elmo's. Look, I just wanted to tell you that I'm all right and I'm on my way home. +I don't know. Someplace called Elmo's. Look, I just wanted to tell you that I'm all right and I'm on my way home. You've been through quite an ordeal, Mrs. Haydn. Why don't you stay where you are and let us pick you up? We'll fly you home. +You've been through quite an ordeal, Mrs. Haydn. Why don't you stay where you are and let us pick you up? We'll fly you home. No. You'll want to ask a lot of questions I don't want to answer right now. I already have a ride. +Is the man who kidnapped you there now? I told you. He let me go. I'm on my way home. +I told you. He let me go. I'm on my way home. Get a highway patrol unit over there. +Mr... I'm sorry, what was your name again? Marc Shermin. +Marc Shermin. Mr. Shermin, I'm hanging up now. If you want to ask me any questions, call me at home in a couple of days. I'm in the book. +Mr. Shermin, I'm hanging up now. If you want to ask me any questions, call me at home in a couple of days. I'm in the book. Do you know what you were kidnapped by? +Mrs. Haydn... He doesn't want to hurt anybody. Please leave him alone. +He doesn't want to hurt anybody. Please leave him alone. Is he on his way to Lathrop Wells? +Please... Don't... don't do this... please... +Please. Why are you doing this to me? I'll give you whatever... +Please... Which way do you want to go? +What? What. +Ah... no... Ah no. +Steering wheel... What. +Steering wheel. Steering wheel. +Steering wheel. Gear shift. +Gear shift. Gear shift. +Gear shift. Dashboard. +Dashboard. Dashboard. +What?! Eh... police. +Eh... police. Police... +Steering wheel... gear shift... dashboard... Good. +Good. Good. +Which way? That way. +What? Flashlight. +What? Coupons. +What? Pancakes. +Pancakes. Pancakes. +What? X... +Money. Money. +Mi-chi-gan driver li-see-ens... Jennyhaydn... Money? We're going to have to stop for gas soon. +What? Smile. +Smile. Smile... good? +Smile... good? Yes. +What?! Minneapolis. +Minneapolis. Minneapolis... Minneapolis... +Minneapolis... Minneapolis... What are you doing? +Minneapolis... good. You're full of tricks, aren't you? +No gas. No gas. +No gas. This car runs on gas. +No gas... car dead. We need gas. I don't want to get shot for running out of gas. Gas good? +Gas good? Yes. Very good. +Go. It's closed... closed. We need one that's open. +It's closed... closed. We need one that's open. Closed? +Closed? You'll see. +What? Not what. Who. What is for things. What? What? What? What? For people you use who. Who is he? Who is she? Who are you? Who am I? +Who is he? Who is she? Who are you? Who am I? Who are you? I am Jenny Haydn. +I am Jenny Haydn. Jennyhaydn. +Who are you? I am... +That's a big help. Where are you from? From? +From? Are you from up there? Space? +Are you from up there? Space? Space? +Space? Up there... I... eh... can't explain... But that's the only place you could be from. +Gas. Closed. +No gas. I know. +Who? My... husband. +My... husband. I am husband? +I am husband? No. I don't know what you are, but you're not Scott. +Shit. Shit? +Shit? No, no... don't say that. Bad word. +No, no... don't say that. Bad word. Shit... shit... what shit? +Shit... shit... what shit? Stop!! Enough!! Jesus! You're worse than a parrot!! +Who? Attendant. He'll give us gas. Put the gun down. Under the seat. Under the seat... +Attendant. He'll give us gas. Put the gun down. Under the seat. Under the seat... No. +No. Oh God! You're going to get us both killed. Okay... in your pocket... +In your pocket, please... You. Mouth closed. +You. Mouth closed. Okay. +Satisfied? Now get out. Out. No. +Money. Yes. +What? Candy. +What is... ...Coke? A drink. +A drink. I... +I... You want to try it? +You want to try it? I want to try it. +I want to try it. This stuff could kill... Be my guest. +What's the matter? Shit! +Horses. Horses. +What? Music. +That was a red light!! I told you you have to stop at a red light!! It was yellow. +It was yellow. You didn't even see it. +I will see it next time. You better. +Why are you going here? What is here? My... ...car will take me... ...up there... home. +When do you have to be here? I do not understand. +I do not understand. How will I do this one?... +Sun... Yes. +Yes. Sun... day. No sun... night. You understand? +Sun... day. No sun... night. You understand? Yes. Day... night. +Yes. Day... night. How many days and nights do you have to go... ...here? +How many days and nights do you have to go... ...here? Three nights... two days. +Three nights... two days. That's not much time. I'll just slow you down. I have to sleep. I'm very tired. And I have to wash and eat. You don't... +That's not much time. I'll just slow you down. I have to sleep. I'm very tired. And I have to wash and eat. You don't... I need you. +I need you. I won't tell anybody if that's what you're worried about. I promise. You'll keep... +I won't tell anybody if that's what you're worried about. I promise. You'll keep... No. +No. You'll keep the car. I'll take a bus... Am I going up there with you... in your ship... up there? +You'll keep the car. I'll take a bus... Am I going up there with you... in your ship... up there? No. +No. Then let me go. You don't need me. +Then let me go. You don't need me. No. +No. I feel like I'm going crazy here. You're Scott. But he's dead. I don't know what's real anymore. I can't be here with you. +Do you understand what I'm saying to you? You can keep the car. That should be enough for gas from here to there. Please let me go. When we get here. +The closest I was able to get you was Lathrop Wells... Is that a baby? +Is that a baby? Yes. +Yes. A baby is a new person? +A baby is a new person? Eh... yes... +Eh... yes... Do you have a baby? +Do you have a baby? No... The closest... +No... The closest... Why? +Why? I'd love to have a baby. But I can't... +I'd love to have a baby. But I can't... Why? +Why? I can't... Forget the baby. Okay? The closest I was able to get you was Lathrop Wells. You'll have to hitchhike the rest of the way. +But I must go here. I know that. But the buses don't go there. +I know that. But the buses don't go there. What is hitchhike? +What is hitchhike? That's easy. I'll explain that in a minute. This is your ticket. When you get on the bus here, the driver will take this part. You will ride to Omaha. When you get to Omaha, ask the driver. 'Salt Lake City, please. I do not speak English.' +Say it. 'Salt Lake City, please. I do not speak English.' +'Salt Lake City, please. I do not speak English.' The driver will... +The driver will... But I speak English. +But I speak English. Will you please do it my way? You'll get into trouble if you don't. If anybody talks to you, tell them... I do not speak English. +Will you please do it my way? You'll get into trouble if you don't. If anybody talks to you, tell them... I do not speak English. I do not speak English. +I do not speak English. Right. In Omaha the driver will put you on the bus for Salt Lake City and the new driver will take... ...this part. When you get to Salt Lake City, ask the driver, 'Las Vegas, please'... +Right. In Omaha the driver will put you on the bus for Salt Lake City and the new driver will take... ...this part. When you get to Salt Lake City, ask the driver, 'Las Vegas, please'... 'Las Vegas, please. I do not speak English.' What is hitchhike? +'Las Vegas, please. I do not speak English.' What is hitchhike? You want this ticket? +You want this ticket? Yes. +Yes. Then don't be smart. +'Lathrop Wells, please. I do not speak English.' You keep this. Now this is hitch- hike... You stand on the side of the road, the highway... you understand? And you face the cars going in the direction you want to go. When you see a car or a truck coming, you stick out your thumb like this... +Your thumb tells the driver that you want a ride. The car will stop? +The car will stop? Not every car, but... a car will stop... Maybe not the first car... maybe number eight, number fifteen... +When do I get to Lathrop Wells? Tomorrow morning. Start hitch-hiking right away and... +Don't worry. They're not going to hurt you. Come on. Only show this to the driver. Nobody else. And don't lose it. Can I have the gun? +Can I have the gun? No. +Don't be afraid. Do what I told you and you'll be okay. Yes. +Well... I'm going to go now. Go? +Go? Yes. I have a long ride ahead of me... Goodbye. +Yes. I have a long ride ahead of me... Goodbye. Goodbye. +Jennyhaydn. Yes? +Yes? Please stay. +Goodbye. What? +What? It's a kiss... Goodbye... +What happened? I was afraid. +Why did your ship land on this planet... on Earth? It was a mistake. +You thought we were a different planet?! No. My ship was doing a map of all the suns and... +No. My ship was doing a map of all the suns and... Stars... When a sun is far away, we call it a 'star.' +Stars... When a sun is far away, we call it a 'star.' We were doing a map of the stars and all the other things up there when we saw a small ship. My... eh... we kidnapped it. On it there was a map that said how to come to Earth. This was very important. Before then, we thought we were the only people in all the stars. +We were doing a map of the stars and all the other things up there when we saw a small ship. My... eh... we kidnapped it. On it there was a map that said how to come to Earth. This was very important. Before then, we thought we were the only people in all the stars. You did? That's funny. So did we. +You did? That's funny. So did we. Yes? +Yes? Yes. +Yes. We told our home, and the people who tell us what to do on my planet said to come and look but not to talk, not to land, not to shoot. Just to look from up there. We came and... the driver of my ship... +We told our home, and the people who tell us what to do on my planet said to come and look but not to talk, not to land, not to shoot. Just to look from up there. We came and... the driver of my ship... The captain... +The captain... The captain wanted to land to see close and to get some things from Earth to take home. The police came and shot at us. One of the people from my ship was killed. +The captain wanted to land to see close and to get some things from Earth to take home. The police came and shot at us. One of the people from my ship was killed. Oh, that's terrible. I'm sorry. Was he a good friend? +Oh, that's terrible. I'm sorry. Was he a good friend? I don't understand 'friend.' +I don't understand 'friend.' A friend is a person that is good to you... someone you like to be with... someone you like to laugh with... +A friend is a person that is good to you... someone you like to be with... someone you like to laugh with... He was a good friend... The captain took the ship away fast and I was not in the ship. +He was a good friend... The captain took the ship away fast and I was not in the ship. The police shouldn't have started shooting. But you can hardly blame them. You surprised them. They didn't know you were up there. When they saw you, they thought you were here to hurt us. +The police shouldn't have started shooting. But you can hardly blame them. You surprised them. They didn't know you were up there. When they saw you, they thought you were here to hurt us. I understand. +I understand. Sounds like your captain's going to get hell when he gets back home. +Sounds like your captain's going to get hell when he gets back home. What is hell? +What is hell? It's bad. +It's bad. He will. +What are you doing? Are you my friend? +Are you my friend? Yes. +Yes. I am your friend. +Nobody knows. Why? +Why? I don't know. +I like this music. I've noticed... Do you understand what they're saying? +I've noticed... Do you understand what they're saying? Not all... but it feels like a kiss. +Do you have music up there? Yes. +Yes. I'd like to hear it. Can you sing something? +I'd like to hear it. Can you sing something? I do not want to. +I do not want to. Don't be afraid... I'd really like to hear it. +I am not a good singer. That was beautiful. +That was beautiful. You liked my singing? +You liked my singing? Yes. Sing some more. +Put that back. But I have never seen this before. I am not complete. +You shouldn't drink so much of that stuff. It's bad for you. On the radio they say it's good. +On the radio they say it's good. Hurry up. +The machine gave me two. Should I put one back? No. Get in. +No. Get in. You can have one. +You can have one. I'm not sleepy anymore. Let's drive for a little while longer. +Are you angry at me? No. I'm just not tired. Let's go. +I told you goodbye. Why are you here? The police are waiting for you up ahead. There's a roadblock. You have to go back. +The police are waiting for you up ahead. There's a roadblock. You have to go back. This car will take me to Las Vegas. I cannot go back. +This car will take me to Las Vegas. I cannot go back. The police know about Lathrop Wells. We have to go another way. Come on. +If I don't meet the ship, my people will go home without me. Please understand. If you go this way, you'll never get to your ship. The police know about Lathrop Wells. We have to go another way. I'll get you to your ship. I promise. +Please understand. If you go this way, you'll never get to your ship. The police know about Lathrop Wells. We have to go another way. I'll get you to your ship. I promise. I will go. But not you. +I will go. But not you. You shit! I'll decide if I go or not. Not you. I don't know what you do on your planet, but I didn't think that was very nice walking out on me like you did. +You shit! I'll decide if I go or not. Not you. I don't know what you do on your planet, but I didn't think that was very nice walking out on me like you did. I don't want you to be hurt. +I don't want you to be hurt. Come on. +Where are you going? I must meet my ship. +I must meet my ship. Why can't we wait here for a ride? +Why can't we wait here for a ride? I feel better if I move. +I feel better if I move. We're hundreds of miles from where you have to be. +Asshole!! Where did you learn that? +Where did you learn that? The cook. +We're not going to get a ride tonight. I can't stay on this planet. +I can't stay on this planet. No one's traveling in this weather. +No one's traveling in this weather. You promised you would get me to my ship. +You promised you would get me to my ship. I will. I will. We still have another day. +I will. I will. We still have another day. You promised. +You promised. What do you want from me? There are no cars on this road. I didn't ask for this stupid storm. +What are you saying? You can stop. I will go on alone. +You can stop. I will go on alone. We're too far away to walk. Don't you understand? +Why don't you send one of your radio balloons and tell your captain that you might be late? I used the last one to jump off the cliff... +I used the last one to jump off the cliff... Let's find a place out of the rain. I'm sure we'll get a ride in the morning. +Let's find a place out of the rain. I'm sure we'll get a ride in the morning. I can't be late. I don't know if the radio balloons work above your planet. I don't know if my words went to the ship. If I'm not there, the captain will think I'm dead and go. +I can't be late. I don't know if the radio balloons work above your planet. I don't know if my words went to the ship. If I'm not there, the captain will think I'm dead and go. We'll get a ride in the morning. +You are cold. You're damn right I am. +You're damn right I am. I do not get cold. +What? Nothing. +Good morning. Horses. +Horses. You don't forget anything, do you? +You don't forget anything, do you? No. +Hello... hello. How are you this morning? Do they talk?! +Do they talk?! No, they don't talk... We talk to them. +No, they don't talk... We talk to them. I understand. +Oh, you're pretty... I gave you a baby last night. +They are beautiful. Yes, they are. +Yes, they are. You have been very good to me, Jennyhaydn. You said you wanted a baby, so I gave you one. +You have been very good to me, Jennyhaydn. You said you wanted a baby, so I gave you one. But... +But... It will be human and it will look like this. But when it comes it will know everything I know and everything you know. That is something from my planet that I want your baby to have. +It will be human and it will look like this. But when it comes it will know everything I know and everything you know. That is something from my planet that I want your baby to have. I told you it's impossible for me to have a baby. +I told you it's impossible for me to have a baby. You will have this baby. If you want it. If you don't, I can stop it now. +The cowboys were right. You can make money fast gambling. You don't make money gambling. You lose it. +May I have twenty-five cents, please? What for? +What for? I want to gamble. +Here are two quarters. When you lose these, you're not going to get anymore. I understand. Thank you. +This is crazy. We don't have time for this. I know how to gamble now. +I know how to gamble now. You won ten dollars. Big deal. If we don't get a good ride before dark we could miss your ship. +You won ten dollars. Big deal. If we don't get a good ride before dark we could miss your ship. I want to get money for you and the baby. +I want to get money for you and the baby. I don't need any money for the baby. I'll be fine. +I don't need any money for the baby. I'll be fine. Inflation, tuition, college. Children are damned expensive. I know. +Inflation, tuition, college. Children are damned expensive. I know. The cook again? +The cook again? Yes. +Yes. If I ever run into that guy, I'm going to kick his ass. +It'll tell you pretty much everything about us... This is very interesting. We are born knowing our history. We have other books. But not a book like this. +This is very interesting. We are born knowing our history. We have other books. But not a book like this. Any words you don't know you can find in the dictionary. +Any words you don't know you can find in the dictionary. I understand. +I understand. It'll give you the different countries, how they came to be, what they are now, how America came to be, the governments, the languages... everything. +It'll give you the different countries, how they came to be, what they are now, how America came to be, the governments, the languages... everything. Many of my people will not believe those things are possible. On my planet there is only one government, one people, one language. I will be asked a lot of questions. +Many of my people will not believe those things are possible. On my planet there is only one government, one people, one language. I will be asked a lot of questions. What will you say about us? +What will you say about us? I will say that we can be friends. +I will say that we can be friends. We can. +This is yours... If you want to keep it, you can. +If you want to keep it, you can. I'd like to... +Would you put some of your singing in this for the baby? You want the baby to laugh at me. +You want the baby to laugh at me. Yes. +How long will it take you to get home? Many, many days and nights... +I'm sure we could find a country and western station. No, thank you. +There. Where? +The yellow one. Oh, wow... I'll tell you what. When the baby is born, we'll go out in my back yard and wave to you. +Oh, wow... I'll tell you what. When the baby is born, we'll go out in my back yard and wave to you. I will wave to you. +Where do you think you're going? Thank you, Jennyhaydn. You are good. I must go alone now. +Thank you, Jennyhaydn. You are good. I must go alone now. I said I would get you to your ship and that's where we're going to say goodbye. +Well... I must go. +What do I do now? You say you love me and kiss me 'goodbye.' +I love you. I'm never going to see you again, am I? +I'm never going to see you again, am I? No. +Tell the baby about me. I will. +I will. Goodbye. +Help me!! You could have killed us both!! +You could have killed us both!! He's kidnapping me!!! +Jesus Christ!! You crazy people... Call the police!! +Call the police!! Hey buddy... let her go... +Help me!!! Hey, she doesn't want to go with you. Come on. +Oh God, man... don't shoot me... My mistake... I'm sorry... He doesn't understand... just walk away... +You sure this is your car? My grandmother's rich. +My grandmother's rich. Slow down, slow down. +Slow down, slow down. Geez, Mrs. Haydn, we just got going. +I told you I'm looking for someone. In the cars, too?! +In the cars, too?! I don't know where he is. +I don't know where he is. This is going to be a real drag. I thought you wanted to go fast. +They after you? What? No, of course not. +What? No, of course not. Would be kinda neat if they were. I think I could outrun them. Maybe get my picture in the papers. +I'm telling you, you're going to find him at the roadblock, or right after, or not at all. If he didn't want to go through the roadblock, is there any other way to get to Vegas? +If he didn't want to go through the roadblock, is there any other way to get to Vegas? Fly. +The five-fifty. We already passed it. But it'll take him way out of his way. Pull over. I've got to get back there. +Pull over. I've got to get back there. Why wouldn't he want to go through the roadblock?... What did you guys do?... I won't tell anybody. +Why wouldn't he want to go through the roadblock?... What did you guys do?... I won't tell anybody. It's easier not to tell if you don't know. +Wait. Could I have your autograph? Sure. +I have nothing to do. I'd like to help you. Don't worry. I'll be all right. +Is it for real? Get Fox. +Aghh... I'm supposed to umpire a little league game tomorrow. I wouldn't worry about it... There might not be any little league tomorrow. +This is crazy. What were we going to do if that had been the ship? We have two thirty calibre machine guns, three M16's and some handguns. Give it a rest, Lyman. +That's because the ones that were hurt, died. They couldn't talk to you. Any reports about monsters, people in Halloween masks, anything like that? +Good... It looks like we might be the welcoming committee, so I think we should try and figure out what we're gonna do if we have to come face to face with this creature. Bell wants us to get down on our knees and bow. +Bell wants us to get down on our knees and bow. Did your people have any contingencies rehearsed? +I know. She bought him a ticket for Lathrop Wells and put him on the bus. He didn't stay on though and they drove off together. Doesn't make sense. +Doesn't make sense. Maybe he's turned her into one of them. They enter the crowd around the helicopter. +Tell him I'm not here. I did. +You get that, Lyman? We're ready. +I'm telling you they're probably friendly. Then why did they try and sneak in the back door? Tell me that. Why didn't they contact us first and say... +They're gonna let some local cop blow him away. Save us all a lot of trouble. +Save us all a lot of trouble. Jesus Lyman, you're an ignorant fool. +Jesus Lyman, you're an ignorant fool. Bullshit! +Bullshit! You have no conception of this, do you? +You have no conception of this, do you? You jerk! You look at all the sweetness and light and goodness you think'll come out of this. You know what's gonna come out of this... The end of religion, the end of civilization, the end of the earth. We could become slaves, we could become a colony of these things. Don't you see that? Are you too stupid to see that? +This has always been my favorite time of day. Very beautiful country up here... +Very beautiful country up here... Any signs of biological contamination, excessive radiation, anything like that? +Any signs of biological contamination, excessive radiation, anything like that? Not on the landscape. We're trying to get a tube under the faceplate for a reading on possible deadly lifeforms but it's hard going. +Not on the landscape. We're trying to get a tube under the faceplate for a reading on possible deadly lifeforms but it's hard going. Can you see under the faceplate? +Can you see under the faceplate? No. +There's a good chance you could be wrong about this thing then... Wait'll you see it. +We had a flight of F16's play tag with the spaceship over Michigan for an hour. Then it shot straight up and disappeared. Was there visual contact? +Was there visual contact? No, sir. Radar. +No, sir. Radar. It could have been anything. +After I called in, I had a chance to sit down with the three locals. They swear there's another one that didn't make the ship... It might be alive. People have made mistakes in these situations before. +People have made mistakes in these situations before. I've been investigating sightings for seventeen years, Mr. Shermin. This one's real. We have a dead extra- terrestrial in that tent and another one in the area that might be alive. We've been visited. It's finally happened and the sooner Washington accepts that and starts figuring out how we're going to deal with these beings, the better off we're going to be. +Oh, Jesus. We better get it into the box. Come on... +There's nothing... No reports of sightings or landings or anything... in the other parts of the country or overseas... Seems like a totally isolated incident. It was only an accident that we discovered them. +It was only an accident that we discovered them. I know, but... +You married, Major? Twenty-eight years. +Twenty-eight years. To the same woman? +To the same woman? Yes. +Yes. I tried it once... Fourteen years ago... 'I was a lousy husband and a worse father. The only thing I'm good at is this... At least until yesterday. +How would you describe the sounds we heard coming out of that thing's helmet? It was kind of like clicking, maybe a language wasn't it? +It was kind of like clicking, maybe a language wasn't it? Listen to this. A woman was kidnapped in Eau Claire this morning. When a citizen went to her rescue the kidnapper threatened him with a gun and shouted at him in a strange 'clicking gibberish'... +Listen to this. A woman was kidnapped in Eau Claire this morning. When a citizen went to her rescue the kidnapper threatened him with a gun and shouted at him in a strange 'clicking gibberish'... It was a man though... right? +It was a man though... right? The police think he was high on drugs... +Nothing up there... The grass is matted down in a few places, but that could have been anything. It was the husband. The police finally got a hold of the witness at work and showed him a picture of the woman. +Where are you going? Las Vegas, please. I do not speak English. +Las Vegas, please. I do not speak English. Hop in. +I don't understand. Parlez vous Francais?... Habla Ingles?... Sprechen zie deutsch? +Good job, neither do I. What do you do for a living? I don't understand. +I don't understand. I'm a cook. Do you understand 'cook?' +I'm a cook. Do you understand 'cook?' No. +I told you... Judy, that's stupid. +Judy, that's stupid. Well, maybe these men won't think so. We were asleep when a helicopter woke me up. It made me so nervous I went into the kitchen for something to eat. I happened to look out the window and there was Scott Haydn with this green thing draped over his arm pulling Jenny down the walk to the car. +Well, maybe these men won't think so. We were asleep when a helicopter woke me up. It made me so nervous I went into the kitchen for something to eat. I happened to look out the window and there was Scott Haydn with this green thing draped over his arm pulling Jenny down the walk to the car. You know that's impossible! +You know that's impossible! I know what I saw. I've seen him enough times. +I know what I saw. I've seen him enough times. Scott Haydn is dead. He died about three months ago. We went to the funeral. +Is there a reward in this? Huh?... Eh... no, there isn't +Huh?... Eh... no, there isn't Because I'm the one who called the police, you know. +Because I'm the one who called the police, you know. Yeah, thanks. We appreciate that. +Yeah, thanks. We appreciate that. Hey, it's none of my business why you're chasing a retard... You want my opinion, it's the girl. She had to hold the guy's hand all the way to the car like he was a kid. +Hey, it's none of my business why you're chasing a retard... You want my opinion, it's the girl. She had to hold the guy's hand all the way to the car like he was a kid. You saw that? +You saw that? Hey... he didn't look like no big time criminal to me. +Eh... the store tells you to call when there's trouble, so they won't get sued... But that shouldn't matter if there's a reward, right? I wouldn't think so. +I wouldn't think so. That's what I thought. So remember it was me because sometimes rewards come late, you know. +That's what I thought. So remember it was me because sometimes rewards come late, you know. We will. Something's wrong here. She's helping him now. +Hello... I must get to my ship, Mr. Shermin. +I must get to my ship, Mr. Shermin. We can't let you do that. +We can't let you do that. I don't want to hurt anybody. I just want to go home. +All the roads into Death Valley are blocked. We'd like to talk to you. If I talk to you, I will miss my ship. +If I talk to you, I will miss my ship. Hold on a minute... Let's take the chance, George. +Yeah, that's right. I saw you play, man. You were good. Like a fucking freight train I remember saying. So what happened, injuries or what? +I saw you play, man. You were good. Like a fucking freight train I remember saying. So what happened, injuries or what? Bullshit politics. +Bullshit politics. It's always politics. Like this thing we're in here, he's paying you to tune me up, right? But I could pay you more not to. See what I mean? I could write you a check right now-- +It's always politics. Like this thing we're in here, he's paying you to tune me up, right? But I could pay you more not to. See what I mean? I could write you a check right now-- Come on, let's go, I got to get back. +Come on, let's go, I got to get back. Okay cash! Logical. Here's everything I have on me, what do you say? How about a Rolex? +Okay cash! Logical. Here's everything I have on me, what do you say? How about a Rolex? I already got a real one. Come on, it won't be too bad. It's not personal. +I already got a real one. Come on, it won't be too bad. It's not personal. Just not the eyes. +Okay, let's get you wired up. I hope this axle grease you got in your hair doesn't screw up the squid receptors. What's all this squid shit? +Superconducting QUantum Interference Device. SQUID. Got it? There's gonna be a test. Hey, fuck you, man. +Hey, fuck you, man. "Easy, Eduardo, easy. Preserve a sense of humor at all times. Okay, the receptor rig... what I'm putting on your head... sends a signal to the recorder. See we call it ""being wired,"" but there's no wire. You gotta keep the recorder close... five, six feet away max, like in your jacket pocket by the bed or wherever you're going to close escrow, know what I mean?" +"Easy, Eduardo, easy. Preserve a sense of humor at all times. Okay, the receptor rig... what I'm putting on your head... sends a signal to the recorder. See we call it ""being wired,"" but there's no wire. You gotta keep the recorder close... five, six feet away max, like in your jacket pocket by the bed or wherever you're going to close escrow, know what I mean?" Yeah, right. +Some tips. Don't dart your eyes around. Don't look in the mirror or you'll ID yourself. OK? You got a half hour of tape, so give me some lead-in to the main event. But don't wait too long, I don't want to be going out for popcorn. And don't act natural. Don't act at all. Just forget the thing is on. Got it? No problem. +No problem. A star is born. +We have nothing to talk about, Lenny. Joey, make sure Mr. Nero gets safely to his car. +Lenny the loser. Panhandler of stolen dreams. Leave him alone, Tran. +Leave him alone, Tran. He's no concern of mine, as long as you don't talk to him. Don't talk to anybody. You understand? Not with everything that's going on right now. +He's no concern of mine, as long as you don't talk to him. Don't talk to anybody. You understand? Not with everything that's going on right now. You're too goddamned paranoid. +You're too goddamned paranoid. Paranoia's only reality on a finer scale. +Look, Tran... Lenny just came by to give me some bad news. An old friend of mine has been murdered. You remember Iris? A tragic story, no doubt. How'd you get up here? +I made my choice, Lenny. You're going down. +You said you were going to get her out of this. "Maybe now you appreciate the danger we're in. It was touching the way you stood by me in there. ""Stand by your man"". I was moved. You were very good. I don't think he even understands that you did it for him." +"Maybe now you appreciate the danger we're in. It was touching the way you stood by me in there. ""Stand by your man"". I was moved. You were very good. I don't think he even understands that you did it for him." He doesn't know what's going on. Leave him alone. +He doesn't know what's going on. Leave him alone. I'd love to. But he keeps showing up. And you keep talking to him. I can't have that-- +The only time a whore should open her mouth is when she's giving head. Fuck you. +Fuck you. Maybe later. +Well, I'm certainly in the mood for a party. Take her up to the suite. Have a glass of champagne... or six... I'll be up in a while to help you ring in the New Year. +Take her up to the suite. Have a glass of champagne... or six... I'll be up in a while to help you ring in the New Year. I live for the moment. +This piece of puke hired me to kill you, baby. Do you believe that? Isn't that right, Tran? You pinhead. Oh my God. I don't believe this is happening. +Oh my God. I don't believe this is happening. Believe it. Now bring me the trodes, baby. Come on, quick. +Believe it. Now bring me the trodes, baby. Come on, quick. What're you going to do? +You can't just... kill him. I'm not. Just a little poach job. +I'm not. Just a little poach job. Jesus. +Jesus. Hey, he was going to kill you. And this ratfuck paid to have Iris killed, to save his own sorry ass. +Look, baby, it's now of never... the guy is a known input junkie, so a little OD won't surprise anybody. It's the only way we can be together. You know it's true. My God. +You were supposed to go downstairs, baby. I know. I don't always do exactly what I'm told. So I said, 'Do you enjoy watching me?' And you said -- come on Max. +I know. I don't always do exactly what I'm told. So I said, 'Do you enjoy watching me?' And you said -- come on Max. I said, 'Yeah. I'd even do it for free.' +I said, 'Yeah. I'd even do it for free.' Uh huh. And I said, 'That's good, because I like the feeling of someone watching me. I acquired the taste from Lenny.' +And then she said, 'Since we're going to be spending so much time together--' 'We might as well make the best of it.' +Hey, you going to watch or you going to do? Watch and see. +I feel like you're turning me into a VCR. I just want to see what we're like together through your eyes. +I don't feel anything. Is it on? Forget it's there. +Forget it's there. Make me forget it, baby. +Cut it out, Tran. Too bad about your guy Jeriko. Tough break. +I don't think that's a good idea, Lenny. I just got to talk to you for one second. +Faith, call me, okay? No, Lenny. +Hi, baby. I've missed you. I know. Lenny, if Tran finds you talking to me he'll hurt you. +I know. Lenny, if Tran finds you talking to me he'll hurt you. I'm already hurting. +You have to go. I mean it. Yeah, OK, whatever you say. Just answer one question. Is anything wrong? Iris said you might be in trouble. +Yeah, OK, whatever you say. Just answer one question. Is anything wrong? Iris said you might be in trouble. You talked to Iris? When? +You talked to Iris? When? Tonight. +Tonight. Well I haven't seen her in months. Who knows what's going on in her head. You're really running out of excuses to come around, aren't you? +Well I haven't seen her in months. Who knows what's going on in her head. You're really running out of excuses to come around, aren't you? I know you Faith. You're afraid of something. What's going on? +I know you Faith. You're afraid of something. What's going on? Let it alone, Lenny. It'll take care of itself. +Let it alone, Lenny. It'll take care of itself. It's Tran, isn't it? This guy is poison, Faith. Listen to me. He's got you walled in on all sides. And he uses the wire too much, he gets off on tape, not on you. +It's Tran, isn't it? This guy is poison, Faith. Listen to me. He's got you walled in on all sides. And he uses the wire too much, he gets off on tape, not on you. That's a good one, coming from you. +That's a good one, coming from you. Why don't you just split? You don't love him, anybody can see that. And to him you're just some kinda possession, like a Ferrari, something to show the other guys. +Why don't you just split? You don't love him, anybody can see that. And to him you're just some kinda possession, like a Ferrari, something to show the other guys. He has his uses too. +He has his uses too. What? He gonna record you on his label? +What? He gonna record you on his label? Maybe. +Maybe. Come on, Faith! He's just toying with you. And when he gets bored, you'll be yesterday's papers. +Look, baby, I've watched you create yourself out of nothing. You're like a goddamn cruise missile, targeted on making it. And you will. Damn right. +Damn right. It's you up on that stage, not him. You don't need him. +You have to get out of here. If Tran catches you he'll... he's acting crazy. He's doing way too much playback and he's getting completely paranoid. He's such a control freak, he's even paying Max to follow me around. Max Pelcher? You're kidding? +Max Pelcher? You're kidding? Yeah, for about a month now. Lenny, just stay away from Tran, okay? And stay away from me. Stop trying to rescue me. Those days are over. I'm a big girl now. Stop trying to save me, okay, because I don't need saving... Just... give up on me. +Yeah, for about a month now. Lenny, just stay away from Tran, okay? And stay away from me. Stop trying to rescue me. Those days are over. I'm a big girl now. Stop trying to save me, okay, because I don't need saving... Just... give up on me. Can't do it. +Can't do it. "You know one of the ways movies still have Squid beat? Because they always say ""The End."" You always know when it's over. It's over! Now please leave. I have to go on again in a couple of minutes." +You're crazier than I thought, Lenny. Coming here... Tran's just in there. Iris is dead. She was murdered. +Who did it? Don't know. But this guy's real damaged goods. Iris knew someone was after her... and she said you were in danger too. Now no more games, Faith. Whatever you're hiding, whatever's going on, you have to get out of here now. Come with me right now. Don't even think about it. +Don't know. But this guy's real damaged goods. Iris knew someone was after her... and she said you were in danger too. Now no more games, Faith. Whatever you're hiding, whatever's going on, you have to get out of here now. Come with me right now. Don't even think about it. Then what? Then what, Lenny?! You going to protect me? Big tough guy. You're a talker, Lenny. You don't even have a gun. +Then what? Then what, Lenny?! You going to protect me? Big tough guy. You're a talker, Lenny. You don't even have a gun. I have a gun. It's under my bed. +I have a gun. It's under my bed. You don't know what you're fucking with here. +You don't know what you're fucking with here. Tell me. +What's going on? Faith, we know about Jeriko. Iris made me a copy of the tape. +Faith, we know about Jeriko. Iris made me a copy of the tape. Oh God, Lenny. I was trying to keep you out of this. +How did it happen? What was Iris doing riding around with Jeriko wearing a wire? We should talk alone. +We should talk alone. No. Mace is in this. +So finally he gives Iris some cash and tells her to check into the hotel under a wrong name till he figures out what to do. Yeah... he figured out what to do all right. +Yeah... he figured out what to do all right. You think Tran killed her? +You think Tran killed her? The killer knew right where she was. Because he put her there. +The killer knew right where she was. Because he put her there. What a nightmare. +I understand. No, I'm not. You understand? Attorney! Right? Am I right? +You understand? Attorney! Right? Am I right? That's right. +No. A virgin brain! Well we're going to start you off right. So what do you know about this? Save us some time... +A virgin brain! Well we're going to start you off right. So what do you know about this? Save us some time... Just what I've read. That the technology was developed for the Feds, to replace the body wire. And now it's gone black market. So, uh, do I get the deck from you? +Just what I've read. That the technology was developed for the Feds, to replace the body wire. And now it's gone black market. So, uh, do I get the deck from you? I'll set you up, get you a deck at my cost... since my thing is the software. +I'll set you up, get you a deck at my cost... since my thing is the software. Clips. +Clips. That's right. Clips. Look, I want you to know what we're talking about here. This isn't like TV only better. This is life. It's a piece of somebody's life. Pure and uncut, straight from the cerebral cortex. You're there. You're doing it, seeing it, hearing it... feeling it. +That's right. Clips. Look, I want you to know what we're talking about here. This isn't like TV only better. This is life. It's a piece of somebody's life. Pure and uncut, straight from the cerebral cortex. You're there. You're doing it, seeing it, hearing it... feeling it. What kind of things exactly? +What kind of things exactly? Exactly anything. Whatever you want. Whoever you want to be. Fabri, get us another round, would you. +Sounds good. I can get you what you want. You just have to talk to me. I'm your priest, your shrink, your main connection to the switchboard of souls. I'm the Magic Man, the Santa Claus of the Subconscious. You say it, you even think it, you can have it. You want a girl, you want two girls? I don't know what your thing is or what you're curious about... you want a guy? You want to be a girl... see what that feels like? You want a nun to tie you up? It's all doable. +I can get you what you want. You just have to talk to me. I'm your priest, your shrink, your main connection to the switchboard of souls. I'm the Magic Man, the Santa Claus of the Subconscious. You say it, you even think it, you can have it. You want a girl, you want two girls? I don't know what your thing is or what you're curious about... you want a guy? You want to be a girl... see what that feels like? You want a nun to tie you up? It's all doable. Talk to me about costs, here. +Talk to me about costs, here. Listen, before we get into numbers, I want you to try a taste. I got a deck with me. +Listen, before we get into numbers, I want you to try a taste. I got a deck with me. What? Right Here? +What? Right Here? Step into my office. +Yeah, I'm interested, but can we get someplace a little less public? You nervous? Forget it. The cops have more to worry about in this city than the squid-trade, believe me-- +You see the look on that preppy puke's face? Fuckin' pissed in his Topsiders. Okay. It was funny. But it cost me money. +Okay. It was funny. But it cost me money. Come on, amigo, the world's full of marks. And nobody knows how to work 'em like you do, pal. You could sell a goddamn rat's asshole for a wedding ring! Let me buy you a drink. +Come on, amigo, the world's full of marks. And nobody knows how to work 'em like you do, pal. You could sell a goddamn rat's asshole for a wedding ring! Let me buy you a drink. Least you can do. +Bobbyyyy! Tequila por favor! Double shots. Make it Tres Generaciones, huh. Nothin' but the best for my good friend Lenny, the finest cop that ever got thrown off the vice squad. Hey, nice tie. Thanks, Max. +Thanks, Max. D'you always have to dress like a fuckin' pimp? +D'you always have to dress like a fuckin' pimp? This tie cost more than your entire wardrobe. +This tie cost more than your entire wardrobe. That's not sayin' much. +That's not sayin' much. It's the one thing that stands between me and the jungle. +You were lucky, Max. Yup. So darn lucky. I wake up with a .22-short floating in my brainpan, and a cop pension I can't live off of. Good thing I wasn't any luckier. Bobby! Another shooter right here! +Naw. She won't call me. Just as well, Lenny. You gotta get past it. I mean sure, Faith was by far the most outstanding woman a guy like you could ever hope to get, I mean it's completely and deeply humiliating that she's gone, but it's over, campadre. +Just as well, Lenny. You gotta get past it. I mean sure, Faith was by far the most outstanding woman a guy like you could ever hope to get, I mean it's completely and deeply humiliating that she's gone, but it's over, campadre. Thanks, Max. I'm touched by your concern. +I just hate to see you pining away. It makes me want to vomit, frankly. Broken hearts are for assholes. Hey, Iris, you okay? +See, if you packed your piece you could've made the guy see sense. Uh unh, carrying a gun wrecks the line of a fine jacket. +Uh unh, carrying a gun wrecks the line of a fine jacket. An ex-cop that doesn't carry. It's embarrassing. I oughta not be seen with you. Hey, Mace. What's goin' on? +I'm telling ya, it's over. We used it all up-- Shutup a second! +Shoulda told me about your new gig, buddy. I was gonna tell ya. Hey, it's just a job. I feel like shit about it. +I was gonna tell ya. Hey, it's just a job. I feel like shit about it. You should feel like shit. +You should feel like shit. I figured, what the hell, I could take the prick's money and make sure Faith was OK at the same time. Do us both good. Right? +I figured, what the hell, I could take the prick's money and make sure Faith was OK at the same time. Do us both good. Right? Fairly twisted logic, Max, even for you. Hey, at least you got a job! Watch her for me. Stay on her. +Fairly twisted logic, Max, even for you. Hey, at least you got a job! Watch her for me. Stay on her. I'm on her. +You alright? Y'okay? Yeah. No, not really. +Yeah. No, not really. Let's work it. +Let's work it. Not now... I don't want to think about it-- +Not now... I don't want to think about it-- Come on, Lenny. You used to be good at this stuff. Play it down. What's the perp doing? +Come on, Lenny. You used to be good at this stuff. Play it down. What's the perp doing? He stalks her. He rapes her. Then he does her... +He stalks her. He rapes her. Then he does her... And he records it. Thrill kill. Wants to see it again. And again. +And he records it. Thrill kill. Wants to see it again. And again. He records himself raping and killing her-- +He records himself raping and killing her-- But at the same time he's sending the signal to her-- +But at the same time he's sending the signal to her-- So she feels... what he feels... while he's in her. The thrill while he's killing her... is sent to her, heightening her fear... which in turn heightens the turn on for him. I've seen a lot, Max. +So she feels... what he feels... while he's in her. The thrill while he's killing her... is sent to her, heightening her fear... which in turn heightens the turn on for him. I've seen a lot, Max. So've I. Too much. +So've I. Too much. But this is a bad one. +But this is a bad one. Top ten. +Top ten. He makes her see her own death, feeds off the reaction... killer and victim merging... orgasm and agony merging. And he records it all. +That's right. He wants to share. Needs an audience. This is one sick puppy. Why me? +Hey, the last day of the world and you spend it in bed. W'sup, Max? +Faith OK? Yeah. She's leaving with Tran so I got to boogie. Real quick... Iris checked into the Sheraton last night under a false name. Paid cash. +Yeah. She's leaving with Tran so I got to boogie. Real quick... Iris checked into the Sheraton last night under a false name. Paid cash. Looks like she was holding out. +Looks like she was holding out. Yup. Hey, so I heard you dropped in on Tran last night. Another slick Lenny move. +Yup. Hey, so I heard you dropped in on Tran last night. Another slick Lenny move. He's in this somehow... I don't know how. Just stay close to Faith. +He's in this somehow... I don't know how. Just stay close to Faith. I'm on her, amigo. No worries. Gotta jam. +Sounds like Tick's already celebrating. You may be a little overdressed for this party. Yo, Tick! It's Lenny. Open up! +He's been cooked-off Is he dead? +Is he dead? No. But his frontal lobes are like two runny eggs. They put an amplifier in-line to boost the signal till it french-fried his brain. +Whattya mean? All I'm saying... you don't know how high up the food chain this thing goes. I've heard stuff. +All I'm saying... you don't know how high up the food chain this thing goes. I've heard stuff. What stuff? +What stuff? Smoke. Rumors. I've heard stuff about a death squad. A group a guys loyal to the hardline school. Guys that've had too many years of city hall and the review boards and the goddamn media pissing down their necks, suspending cops right and left, tying their hands... while outa the other side a their mouths these same people're squealing save us, save us, do something you fucking morons, crime is totally out of control. +Jesus. Yeah. So don't walk near me in public, alright. +Yeah. So don't walk near me in public, alright. Thanks, buddy. See... things weren't bad enough. They weren't fucking bad enough! +Mace... no disrespect... but you run this on the 11 o'clock news, by midnight you got the biggest riot in history. They'll see the fucking smoke from Canada. Okay... what about Strickland? +Okay... what about Strickland? No. Bad idea. +He's got her up in the room, under guard. And he's still working the party... acting smooth like nothin's nothin'. So buddy... I say we work a trade. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Give him the tape. See? It's fucking brilliant! The tape for Faith. I know he'll go for it. I can set it up. +Give him the tape. See? It's fucking brilliant! The tape for Faith. I know he'll go for it. I can set it up. This is what we laughingly refer to as a plan, right? +This is what we laughingly refer to as a plan, right? Come on! If he gives us any shit, we kill 'em all. Whattya say? Just get your butt down here. If I'm not at the shindig downstairs go to the room. It's 2203. You writin'? +2-2-0-3. Got it. Stay on her. I intend to. +No. I suppose not. I didn't know you were colorblind, Max. Only way I could stand your ties. +I'll have that. Glock 22. Nice. Where's Faith? +Where's Faith? I sent her to the party. I figured I'd wait up here until you killed Tran. +I sent her to the party. I figured I'd wait up here until you killed Tran. What makes you think I'm gonna kill Tran? +You just did. Jesus! +Jesus! You know, statistically that's the second most common word people say right before they die. Shit being number one. +So... I killed Tran. Then you ran in, being on his payroll, and shot me. That's pretty much the way it happened. +Wait a minute. Now I'm remembering. I killed Iris too, didn't I? That's right. They'll find the original of her snuff clip in your apartment. The one I left for you at the club was a copy. +That's right. They'll find the original of her snuff clip in your apartment. The one I left for you at the club was a copy. Was I a really busy guy? Did I do Tick too? +Was I a really busy guy? Did I do Tick too? You bet. Did you like it? +Picture it... I feel like I gotta share this with somebody. It's too perfect. I won't say anything. +I won't say anything. I know. So, I'm working for this puke, right? And he says he'll pay me quite large to do the hooker. But also I gotta do his bitch girlfriend cause she knows the whole score and she's totally out of control. +Only he doesn't know about me and Faith. So I say to myself, if I turn the job down, he just gets somebody else. And I lose Faith... to coin a phrase. So to buy time, I do the skank. I still gotta do something about Tran... I figure it's him or me... but I can't cap him without a chump to take the fall. And who better than his girlfriend's loser ex-boyfriend... a known criminal... who has been seen hassling them in public numerous times. And who was, regrettably, also your best fucking friend. +And who was, regrettably, also your best fucking friend. No plan is perfect, Lenny. Hey, cheer up. World's gonna end in ten minutes anyway. +No plan is perfect, Lenny. Hey, cheer up. World's gonna end in ten minutes anyway. You must be so pleased, I followed your jellybean trail right here, like a good little chump. +You must be so pleased, I followed your jellybean trail right here, like a good little chump. You got froggy on me a couple times. +So there never was a death squad. Naawww. +Naawww. Just those two loose-cannon cops running around covering their butts. +Just those two loose-cannon cops running around covering their butts. Yeah. Pretty zany, huh? All this shit caused by a random traffic stop. Hey... nothing means nothing. You know that. Look around... the whole planet's in total chaos. You gotta take what you can, while you can. Cause some shitbird can come up and put a fuckin' .22 in the back a your head any second. +How did you hook up with Faith? This dink hires me a month ago to eyeball her, right? But Faith knows me from you, right, so she comes up to me and says, 'Hey Max why you following me?' I say, 'I'll buy you a drink and explain.' And she says... +Don't have a fucking coronary, Lenny. Well you could've at least warned me. You know I hate the zap... when they die. It just brings down your whole day. Jeez, Tick. +Well you could've at least warned me. You know I hate the zap... when they die. It just brings down your whole day. Jeez, Tick. Sorry. +How'd you get the tape? Why didn't the cops put it in evidence? With all the blood I guess they didn't see the rig. Guy had it under a wig. +With all the blood I guess they didn't see the rig. Guy had it under a wig. Yeah, but how'd it get to you? +Yeah, but how'd it get to you? I got ways, Lenny, I got ways. Okay, okay... I got a deal with some a the paramedics. My guy pages me and I pick it up at the morgue. So whaddya think? This clip's gotta be worth at least a grand. Right? +I got ways, Lenny, I got ways. Okay, okay... I got a deal with some a the paramedics. My guy pages me and I pick it up at the morgue. So whaddya think? This clip's gotta be worth at least a grand. Right? Tick. Not to dash your hopes, but I don't deal this kind of product, you know that. I'll give you four for it, cause I've gotta cut off the last bit. And my customers want uncut. +Tick. Not to dash your hopes, but I don't deal this kind of product, you know that. I'll give you four for it, cause I've gotta cut off the last bit. And my customers want uncut. Fuck that! The last part's the best. You dry-dive six stories and blammo! Jack right into the Big Black. +Fuck that! The last part's the best. You dry-dive six stories and blammo! Jack right into the Big Black. I don't deal black-jack clips! It's policy. I got ethics here. +I don't deal black-jack clips! It's policy. I got ethics here. Yeah, when did that start? Come on, man! It's what people want to see, and you know it. +Yeah, when did that start? Come on, man! It's what people want to see, and you know it. So lay it off to somebody else. +So lay it off to somebody else. Come on, Lenny. I got expenses. I got to get this rig fixed. Look at it... +Give me six at least. This's a good clip, here. Gets you pumpin'. Yeah, well, the first part's okay. Better than the usual soaps you bring me. +Yeah, well, the first part's okay. Better than the usual soaps you bring me. Now that is cold, Lenny. I always bring you choice. +Sure, like this low-grade shit here, some girl in a fight with her boyfriend... it's a test-pattern. Nothing happens. I'm snorin'. Hey, you're always saying, 'Bring me real life. Bring me street life. And, like, one man's mundane and desperate existence is another man's Technicolor.' +Hey, you're always saying, 'Bring me real life. Bring me street life. And, like, one man's mundane and desperate existence is another man's Technicolor.' I said that? Look, I'll take it for five, and you'll make out okay, because in this case it's pure cream, you don't have to cut anything back to the wearer. +I said that? Look, I'll take it for five, and you'll make out okay, because in this case it's pure cream, you don't have to cut anything back to the wearer. Ha! That's for fucking sure. +Ha! That's for fucking sure. What else you got? +Whoa. That is one unbelievable piece of eyefuck. Skip the art criticism, Tick, what can you tell me about the wearer. +Skip the art criticism, Tick, what can you tell me about the wearer. Well... the guy's fucked up. +Lookit, you see the peak period ratios there? Could be some kind of tumor or brain lesion or something. Some kind of trauma This is not good. I don't like this at all... What? +What? Well, it's cutting awful close to me. I mean she was just here. +Well, it's cutting awful close to me. I mean she was just here. Who was just here? +Who was just here? Iris, man. Pay attention. +Iris, man. Pay attention. Wait, wait... wait a minute. Iris was here?! +Wait, wait... wait a minute. Iris was here?! Yeah, she came by last night. Shaking like a junkie, wanting me to make a copy of some clip. +Yeah, she came by last night. Shaking like a junkie, wanting me to make a copy of some clip. What clip? What was it? +What clip? What was it? I don't know, man, she wouldn't let me see it. Said I wouldn't want to see it. She said she was going to give it to you to hold for her. Like insurance or somethin' +I don't know, man, she wouldn't let me see it. Said I wouldn't want to see it. She said she was going to give it to you to hold for her. Like insurance or somethin' She never gave me a tape. +You come to peddle me some tapes, Lenny? For old time's sake? Make a couple bucks for the holidays? You're not a client anymore, Tran. I wouldn't sell you the sweat off a dead dog's balls. +You're not a client anymore, Tran. I wouldn't sell you the sweat off a dead dog's balls. I already got everything I need from you. +Show a little respect, Nero. The man was an important artist. Yeah, important for your label. Which no doubt is why you're in mourning. Don't worry, his records'll sell out now he's dead. You'll make out. +Yeah, important for your label. Which no doubt is why you're in mourning. Don't worry, his records'll sell out now he's dead. You'll make out. I always do. +I always do. Faith, can I talk to you a second? +About what? That would be between me and Faith, wouldn't it? +Charm. Uh huh. Look, Nero. I'll make you an offer. Take her. Right now. If she wants to go, if she's unhappy here, she can go. I'll let her choose. Faith always knows what she wants. Hands off. See? +It's alright. He means it. I do mean it. And I mean this... if Faith stays you go away and never come back. You scuttle back into your cockroach hole and never cross my vision again. You understand? +Nero. Strickland. +Strickland. Commissioner Strickland. +Commissioner Strickland. Sure. Whatever. See, since you shitcanned my career, I don't even have to call you sir. One of life's small pleasures. +Sure. Whatever. See, since you shitcanned my career, I don't even have to call you sir. One of life's small pleasures. Aren't you peddling your wares a little far from your usual gutter? +Aren't you peddling your wares a little far from your usual gutter? I was invited here by a close friend, Mr. Fumitsu, see he's right over there. +I don't like disappointments, Nero. And do you know what disappoints me very much? Your sex life? +Your sex life? Your existence. +Greetings, gents. So let's hear this week's sad story. They jerked my wheels, d'you believe it? I mean it's outrageous, the computer errors the banks are making lately. Have you noticed? +Thanks for giving me a ride. I just have a few stops, mostly on the west side-- Whoa, whoa, whoa. I said I'd drop you home, but I'm not taking you on your sleazoid rounds. I've already pulled twelve hours today. +Whoa, whoa, whoa. I said I'd drop you home, but I'm not taking you on your sleazoid rounds. I've already pulled twelve hours today. Come on, Mace. This is gonna be a big night. Can't you feel it? The energy in the air? There's money to be made, dreams to sell. +Come on, Mace. This is gonna be a big night. Can't you feel it? The energy in the air? There's money to be made, dreams to sell. Sleaze to peddle. +Sleaze to peddle. Just a couple of hours. It'll be fun-- +Just a couple of hours. It'll be fun-- Excuse me. What part of NO don't you understand? +Excuse me. What part of NO don't you understand? Mace, you're my friend. I need you. Plus I'll give you 25% of what I make tonight. +Mace, you're my friend. I need you. Plus I'll give you 25% of what I make tonight. Lenny, this may be a hard concept for you, but friends don't have to pay their friends. +Jeez, you're pathetic. Okay, I got a pickup at the St. James. I'll take you there, you can get a cab. Mace! You're a life-saver. +Mace! You're a life-saver. Driving Mr. Lenny. +So, what's up with you? Another busy night selling porno to wireheads? No, wrong... I sell experiences. Sex is only part of it. +No, wrong... I sell experiences. Sex is only part of it. Buncha techno-perv jerkoffs. +Buncha techno-perv jerkoffs. Way I look at it, I actually perform a humanitarian service. I save lives. +Way I look at it, I actually perform a humanitarian service. I save lives. Uh huh, I wanna hear this part. +Uh huh, I wanna hear this part. Okay, take some executive... bored with his life, bored with his wife... he picks up a hooker or some girl at a bar. Then he goes around for months, torn up worrying that he's got AIDS, that he'll infect his wife. And maybe he really does catch something-- +Okay, take some executive... bored with his life, bored with his wife... he picks up a hooker or some girl at a bar. Then he goes around for months, torn up worrying that he's got AIDS, that he'll infect his wife. And maybe he really does catch something-- Price he pays for being a scumsucking pig. +Price he pays for being a scumsucking pig. Everybody needs to take a walk to the dark end of the street sometime, it's what we are. But now the risks are outa line. The streets are a war zone. And sex can kill you. So you slip on the trodes, you get what you need and it keeps you from jumping your tracks. +Everybody needs to take a walk to the dark end of the street sometime, it's what we are. But now the risks are outa line. The streets are a war zone. And sex can kill you. So you slip on the trodes, you get what you need and it keeps you from jumping your tracks. Lenny, this shit's illegal. +Lenny, this shit's illegal. Define illegal. +Define illegal. Me bailing your sorry pale ass out of jail twice in the last six months. +Me bailing your sorry pale ass out of jail twice in the last six months. Yeah, but that was for love. +Yeah, but that was for love. Define love. +What's his name? Fumitsu. +Fumitsu. Mr. Fumitsu, good evening sir, Leonard Nero, Security Express. Lornette Mason here is just completing our routine driver evaluation. We do it to make sure that out VIP clients, such as yourself, are always treated as honored guests. I just need to ride up front and take some notes, if you don't mind. +What the fuck are you doing? Coming with you. +Coming with you. You will not live to see the morning. +Are we having a bad night? Let's talk in the car. +Hey, careful on the jacket. This is Armani. You angry? I've had enough of this shit. You're on foot, Lenny. +I've had enough of this shit. You're on foot, Lenny. In LA? Are you crazy? +I need my case. It's still in the back. Get it. +That would be no. I've had it. No more wirehead shit in my car. You understand? You want to poach your lobes, do it somewhere else. +I've had it. No more wirehead shit in my car. You understand? You want to poach your lobes, do it somewhere else. Okay, you got my attention, but this is cutting off the circulation to my head, here. D'you mind? +I thought we were friends. No, see a friend is more than one person constantly doing favors for another. You just suck people along with your schemes and your scams and your slick act. Well I'm out. I got a kid, I got rent, I got an ex- husband someplace who doesn't send me a dime of support... I'm just trying to hold on here. +No, see a friend is more than one person constantly doing favors for another. You just suck people along with your schemes and your scams and your slick act. Well I'm out. I got a kid, I got rent, I got an ex- husband someplace who doesn't send me a dime of support... I'm just trying to hold on here. So am I. Just trying to get by. +So am I. Just trying to get by. No, you're just trying to get off. +No, you're just trying to get off. Macey... I've never seen you like this. +Macey... I've never seen you like this. Lenny, you're turning into some kinda squid-head low-life. You're always broke, you just go from one score to the next. And you're getting strung out... you don't even see it. Getting high on your own supply like some crack dealer. +Lenny, you're turning into some kinda squid-head low-life. You're always broke, you just go from one score to the next. And you're getting strung out... you don't even see it. Getting high on your own supply like some crack dealer. I know you wouldn't be saying all this if you didn't care about me. Thanks, Mace. Really. +I know you wouldn't be saying all this if you didn't care about me. Thanks, Mace. Really. Look, I gotta get some sleep. +Look, I gotta get some sleep. You still like me, don't you? We're still buddies? +Yeah. I don't see a way out of it. Macey, I know you're tired, but can you drop me at the Retinal Fetish? It's on your way. +Macey, I know you're tired, but can you drop me at the Retinal Fetish? It's on your way. Jesus, Lenny. +Jesus, Lenny. Begging? Groveling? Any pathetic behavior at all? Will that help? Faith's there tonight, and I've got to talk to her. +Begging? Groveling? Any pathetic behavior at all? Will that help? Faith's there tonight, and I've got to talk to her. Sure, Lenny. The only thing worse than a junkie is someone in love. +Who's the new side of beef in Tran's posse? Guy named Wade Beemer. Used to be a running back for the Rams in '96 and '97. +Guy named Wade Beemer. Used to be a running back for the Rams in '96 and '97. Rams... that's football, right? +Forget her. She still loves me. +She still loves me. She thinks you're a bucket of dog vomit. Trust me on this. +She thinks you're a bucket of dog vomit. Trust me on this. She's my destiny. +She's my destiny. Destiny? You living in a perfume commercial? She's a hard-climber that dropped you like a used tampon when she got a better ride. +Destiny? You living in a perfume commercial? She's a hard-climber that dropped you like a used tampon when she got a better ride. You'll see. +You're some piece of work, you know that. Just calmly backstroking around in the big toilet bowl, and somehow you never let it touch you. I mean, between Vice and this so- called occupation you're in now, you must've seen it all. I have crawled through the gutter... through every wrinkle in the human brain. +I have crawled through the gutter... through every wrinkle in the human brain. What I'm saying. But you still come out this goofball romantic. +What I'm saying. But you still come out this goofball romantic. It is my sword and my shield, Macey. +What's that? Present from Faith? No idea. +What is it? Go to the Sunset Sheraton. RIGHT NOW! Just go! GO! +My God, Lenny. What is it? Black. Jack. +Black. Jack. Blackjack? I don't understand-- +Blackjack? I don't understand-- Snuff clip. It was Iris. She said she needed my help and I... aw Jesus, Mace... the sick fucker killed her. +Snuff clip. It was Iris. She said she needed my help and I... aw Jesus, Mace... the sick fucker killed her. Are you sure it's real? +And gives it to you. Wants to share. +Cause you're the man, right? The Magic Man. If it's got something to do with the wire, sooner or later it washes up on your beach. I've never dealt in black-jacks. Never. Everybody knows that. +Jesus, Mace. Back off. This guy is someone you know, one of your squid-head contacts. +Uh unh. No way! They'd crucify me. So some psycho wire-freak gets to keep running around-- +Is this great fabric or what? You ever wonder why you get beat up a lot? +You ever wonder why you get beat up a lot? Never really thought about it. +He knows what he's doing. He's worn before... a lot. So that gives you something. +So that gives you something. It gives me... I don't know... maybe two hundred people who I know wear. +Don't crank the gain any more. You're gonna fry yourself. I need to see more... get more detail. Something. I feel his presence, so strong... +No more, Lenny. Yeah. I'm ghosting pretty bad. +She came to me for help. I should have read it better... I just figured, y'know... another strung- out hooker having a bad night. It's not your fault. +See, it's all about what they see walking in. A dead hooker, handcuffs, penetration... they'll see a trick gone wrong. Random kill. The kind you never solve. But that doesn't add, does it. +But that doesn't add, does it. No it doesn't. +No it doesn't. Because Iris knew somebody was after her. +"She said ""If they get me"". They. Which means the whole sex-killer thing is a cover, which means somebody whacked her for a reason." So the guy's not a sicko. +So the guy's not a sicko. If he could do what's on that tape, he's a sicko. +If he could do what's on that tape, he's a sicko. Okay, so he's a freak who thinks he's sane pretending to be a freak. The point is, he was a hitter. Somebody wanted to shut her up. But why not just put a little lead in her ear? +Okay, so he's a freak who thinks he's sane pretending to be a freak. The point is, he was a hitter. Somebody wanted to shut her up. But why not just put a little lead in her ear? Because it had to look random. Not connected to anything or anyone. But then why give the rape to me? +Because it had to look random. Not connected to anything or anyone. But then why give the rape to me? That's where it gets a little strange. +That's where it gets a little strange. And what about the guy that was following me? +And what about the guy that was following me? Now you're really getting paranoid. +The question is not whether I am paranoid, but whether I am paranoid enough. You want to rub my neck? Sure. +How's Zander? OK. He asks about you all the time. It's been weeks since you've seen him. +I'm sorry about getting on your case earlier. I just see you getting sucked in deeper and deeper, and I -- anyway. I'm sorry. S'okay. I know you still love me. +Whatup Lenny? Jesus, Mace! +Where we going? Anywhere. We'll talk about it in the car. +What is it? This tie doesn't go with blue! +Will you relax. There's nobody back there. Mace, the guy had a knife. To my throat. In my living room. Relaxing might be right out, okay?! +Mace, the guy had a knife. To my throat. In my living room. Relaxing might be right out, okay?! You better keep a low profile for a while. +You better keep a low profile for a while. No shit. You got someplace in mind? +Lenny, have you lost it completely? "Easy, there, Mom. Easy. This is audio only. John Coltrane. ""A Love Supreme."" Give it a listen, let me know what you think, maybe you won't go for it now, but it'll get in your head and grow like a seed into something really beautiful." +Think back about what she said. Exactly what she said. She wanted to go out to my car, something about my car... +She wanted to go out to my car, something about my car... Something in your car... +Lenny, give them the tape. It's in my case. Okay? I'm going to open my case... +Shit! Take it easy. The glass is bullet resistant. +Take it easy. The glass is bullet resistant. Bullet resistant? Whatever happened to bullet proof? +Bullet resistant? Whatever happened to bullet proof? Lenny. Calm down. This is what I do. +Goddamnit!! 911 is busy! It's okay, Lenny They'd never get here in time anyway. +This is bad. The gas tank's going to go any second! +Are you out of your fucking mind?! Fire's out, isn't it? +I can't believe we had to give them the damn tape. Yeah, me neither. It was one of my favorites. Me and Faith in a hot tub on my birthday. I'm going to really miss it. +Those two guys were cops. You sure? +You sure? It's the walk. Something. Anyway, they'll run your plates and get your address. We gotta keep moving. +Tell me. I can't tell you. You've got to see. +I can't tell you. You've got to see. Uh unh. I won't do it. +Uh unh. I won't do it. Mace. I know what you think about the wire. But I'm asking you to do this. It's that important. +Hang on. Hang on, Max. You see? I see. I see the earth opening up and swallowing us all. +I see. I see the earth opening up and swallowing us all. Yeah I know. So what do we do? +We got to make another copy of this. Little life insurance. You know what this tape could do if it gets out. +You know what this tape could do if it gets out. I've got a good idea, yeah. +I've got a good idea, yeah. People finding out... seeing... that the LAPD just flat out executed Jeriko One. Jesus. Maybe they ought to see. +People finding out... seeing... that the LAPD just flat out executed Jeriko One. Jesus. Maybe they ought to see. Maybe. But tonight is probably not the best night. Come on, we're rollin'. +So, let's see, I've got Tran's goons, some squidhead psycho and the LAPD all trying to kill me. Happy new year, Lenny. Well, look at the plus side. +Well, look at the plus side. There's a plus side? +There's a plus side? Yeah. You gave up your hot tub tape to save me. That's real progress for you. +Yeah. You gave up your hot tub tape to save me. That's real progress for you. It was a tough call. +It was a tough call. I still can't square the psycho smarts of whoever did Iris with those two cops. +I still can't square the psycho smarts of whoever did Iris with those two cops. I don't think those cops did Iris. I think whoever Iris was wearing for killed her. +I don't think those cops did Iris. I think whoever Iris was wearing for killed her. Why? +Why? To break the trail. If those cops had gotten hold of her, they would have beat it out of her who she was wearing for, and then gone after them too. Our killer is running as scared as we are. Which makes him really dangerous. Judging by how scared I am. +He's totally cut off from the outer world. How long does it last? Oh. +The only card we have to play is the tape. You know, we get it to the media somehow... Yeah, right, blow it open. +Who's Strickland? Deputy Commissioner Palmer Strickland. The sanctimonious prick who busted me out. His ass is so tight when he farts only dogs can hear it. I know this guy. If there's one cop who's not dirty it's him. +Kinda guy you can count on in a pinch. Why didn't he just go public with the tape? Save himself that way. +Okay, we gotta get over there. Can you borrow a dress from Cecile or something-- I'm not going. +I'm not going. Whatya mean? We're going! Tran's gonna do her right there unless-- +Whatya mean? We're going! Tran's gonna do her right there unless-- Lenny... shutup. Just park your mouth and listen. It's a set-up. Think about it! Why's he been sending you tapes? To freak you, get you to rush in without thinking. Then they put one in you, put one in her, put the gun in your hand... crime of passion. This guy's bent enough to think of that. +Yeah. Lenny. I have. It didn't stop you from loving them. Right? Or understanding them, or being able to forgive them... +It didn't stop you from loving them. Right? Or understanding them, or being able to forgive them... I guess. +I guess. And it didn't stop you from wanting to protect them. Did it? +And it didn't stop you from wanting to protect them. Did it? No. It didn't. +I worked Vice, Narcotics... Violent Crimes... and I saw every known depravity. I was lost, Mace. In outer darkness. Then I busted this strung-out little teeny-hooker. When I met Faith she was just another runaway giving twenty dollar blowjobs to buy crank. Another lost soul. You never told me. +You never told me. But she was different. There was a light in her eyes... and she had this voice. It was scary, all that pain coming out of that little body. Like she could take all the hurt and rage of the entire world and lift it up to heaven in one voice. I helped her. And I promised her that I'd always be there... to protect her. See? It's not about what's in her head. It's what's in mine. I can't let go of the promise. It's... like... it's all I have left. +But she was different. There was a light in her eyes... and she had this voice. It was scary, all that pain coming out of that little body. Like she could take all the hurt and rage of the entire world and lift it up to heaven in one voice. I helped her. And I promised her that I'd always be there... to protect her. See? It's not about what's in her head. It's what's in mine. I can't let go of the promise. It's... like... it's all I have left. No, it's not. +Mace... you're a girl. Good, Lenny. I can see why the detective gig didn't work out. Come on. +Got your ticket? No. They must have sent it to my beach house by mistake. +You see Tran? Uh unh. +Alright. We're going up. And do what? Take on his whole posse? +And do what? Take on his whole posse? I still got one ace to play. Tran's got what I want... and I've got what he wants... +That's the original. There are no copies. Exactly. That's why it's a make- able deal. +Take it to him. A cop? You want me to trust a cop?! +A cop? You want me to trust a cop?! No. Trust me. +Oh boy. What if you're wrong? Then we'll be right where we are now. +Then we'll be right where we are now. Yeah, right. Fucked. +Are we under arrest? Naw. They just have to ask us a few questions... for about six hours. +Hey, Lenny. We made it. Yeah. We did. +Well... Get going. You're still bleeding. See you downtown. +See you downtown. Yeah. See you there. +Where were you Mom? Did you meet a guy? Just Lenny. +Just Lenny. Right. That explains it. +Right. That explains it. Are you going to make me beg? +What is that? Cheerios and wieners. I made it myself. It's good. +Cheerios and wieners. I made it myself. It's good. Well give me some then... I'm starving. +We're going to aunt Cecile's, honey. We're going to watch fireworks from there. Let's go. Chop chop. Aw, Mom! +No. I haven't noticed because I make my payments. So, Max Pelcher, how's the P.I. business? Sucks. Hey, Bobby, turn that up. +Hey, isn't that Tran Vo? Yup. He was Jeriko's manager. Bummer, Tran! Lost your golden goose. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. +Yup. He was Jeriko's manager. Bummer, Tran! Lost your golden goose. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. But I mean isn't he Faith's new-- +But I mean isn't he Faith's new-- Sssssh! Not in front of Lenny. You may trigger a maudlin display which will force us to tranquilize him. +He's skull-fucking you, bud. Trying to get a reaction. Maybe pushing you to do something. Maybe he just figures Lenny will appreciate what he's created. It's the dark end of the street, Lenny. How do you like it now? +Problem is, Lenny knows everybody. Take the tape to the cops. +Those two psycho cops are on a slash-and-burn to find the tape and cover their tracks. This seems a little sophisticated for them. These are not subtle guys. +This seems a little sophisticated for them. These are not subtle guys. There's more to this whole thing than you think. +So you're saying we just pretend is didn't happen? It happened! The LAPD executed one of the most important black men in America! Who the fuck are you to bury this?! Fine. Do you want blood running waist deep in the storm drains? The gangbangers'll spread like a wave through this city and burn it to the ground. And when the fires start the street cops'll be capping off at anything that moves. It'll be all- out war and you know it. +Fine. Do you want blood running waist deep in the storm drains? The gangbangers'll spread like a wave through this city and burn it to the ground. And when the fires start the street cops'll be capping off at anything that moves. It'll be all- out war and you know it. Yeah, well maybe it's time for a war! +Yeah, well maybe it's time for a war! You really want that on your head? +Was this him? Um... he was older. +Um... he was older. Besides that. +Besides that. To be honest, when I'm working, I don't look at faces much. He knew the guy's name. +To be honest, when I'm working, I don't look at faces much. He knew the guy's name. Testa? +Testa? The bearded guy, the creep. Oh, one other thing. Testa, if that's his name, he kept mentioning my feet. Said I had very pretty feet. +Have you had a chance to think about -- "Zorro. Yes, ran it through my files, even asked around: came up completely blank. Thought there might be a Mexico connection, El Paso and all, but nothing. Fooled around with the letter ""Z,"" turned it on it's side, got ""N"" -- there Ng, he's Vietnamese. The only thing that came to mind was zero, not Zorro. Remember Suspect Zero?" +"Zorro. Yes, ran it through my files, even asked around: came up completely blank. Thought there might be a Mexico connection, El Paso and all, but nothing. Fooled around with the letter ""Z,"" turned it on it's side, got ""N"" -- there Ng, he's Vietnamese. The only thing that came to mind was zero, not Zorro. Remember Suspect Zero?" No. +No. Before your time. It was Richard Low's brainchild, or, lack-of-brain child. The Behavioral Sciences Unit at Quantico is essentially the product of three men: David Koessler, Dick Low and myself. Low was a field agent, Koessler administrative, I was teaching criminology. Low came up with the concept of a serial killer's signature. He invented profiling. Everything we know about profiling started with Richard Low... +...well, there was some friction: I wanted to write up my work, educate the public, but Koessler wouldn't allow it. Low felt Koessler was more interested in career advancement than catching killers. Koessler had Low reassigned to the Pacific Northwest, Seattle. You know when they say, stick it where the sun don't shine? That's where they stuck Dick Low. Pacific Northwest is a hotbed for serials. +Pacific Northwest is a hotbed for serials. "You got that right. Low became obsessed with the Green River murders, the case had been inactive for ten years at that point. He argued the Green River Killer had actually become Suspect Zero, this master murderer who killed without pattern, killed literally hundreds of victims -- male, female, old, young, straight, gay -- and who was still killing, even though there were no bodies. It went against everything we knew. Low became increasingly paranoid. Every suspect was potentially Suspect Zero. Anybody tried to talk sense into him, he'd accuse them of being out to get him. Deputy Director Koessler was ""out to get him."" The decision was made to relieve him." +Does Koessler know about the Suspect Zero theory? Of course. He knows everything about Dick Low. +Welcome back, sir. How was the vacation? Takes four days to chill, then its time to come back. Is that...? +Takes four days to chill, then its time to come back. Is that...? Yeah. +Agent Duncan, there's an interstate issue up on 54, run out there. I'm babysitting the DEA guys this afternoon, Casio and I. You said that was top priority. +Agents Duncan, Mackelway. Anything new? Just mopping up. Nine bodies in all. +Just mopping up. Nine bodies in all. Anybody talk to the press? +Anybody talk to the press? No, sir. +No, sir. The diner? +You run the plates? Fella's name is Harold Speck, travelin' man out of Roswell. +Fella's name is Harold Speck, travelin' man out of Roswell. Excuse me, a salesman gets done in his car and you call the FBI? +Excuse me, a salesman gets done in his car and you call the FBI? Well, the victim was killed at the turn-around over there, then his car was pushed over here... ...right across the state line. That makes it Federal. This is Officer Wallace, he's out of Alamogordo. +Where's the Nuevo American Diner? Ten miles back on the Texas side. +I hope that wasn't a joke because I can assure you, from personal experience, the FBI does not have a sense of humor. That's right, Jan. +Nine bodies in Roswell, now this -- it's getting a little hairy, huh? I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourself. +I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourself. I know how the Feds like to sit on information. I got something in the car to show you. +Her name is Karen Sumpter, from near Dell City. Just disappeared a couple weeks back. Vanished. You're thinking...? +You're thinking...? Who knows. +Who knows. This isn't in our database? +This isn't in our database? I just assumed she ran away. Happens a lot around here. Look around. This place is an invitation to run away. +Agent Mackelway. Mack, this is Sheriff Dylan. +Mack, this is Sheriff Dylan. Oh Jesus, Sheriff, I am sorry. I meant to call you -- I got distracted -- the Sumpter girl was not one of Speck's victims. That's the good news. +Oh Jesus, Sheriff, I am sorry. I meant to call you -- I got distracted -- the Sumpter girl was not one of Speck's victims. That's the good news. What's the bad news? +What's the bad news? You tell me. +You tell me. No bad news. You know the Be On the LookOut you asked me to send on the diner car -- we got a hit on it. A little town on the border, Socorro. We got it staked out -- you interested? +No bad news. You know the Be On the LookOut you asked me to send on the diner car -- we got a hit on it. A little town on the border, Socorro. We got it staked out -- you interested? I'm on my way. +Hey, Sheriff. Down the road a piece is the Golden Sunset, the no-tell motel, Socorro's contribution to international relations. The car's just sitting there, no activity. I've had a couple Hispanic officers casing it all day. Want to take a look? +Down the road a piece is the Golden Sunset, the no-tell motel, Socorro's contribution to international relations. The car's just sitting there, no activity. I've had a couple Hispanic officers casing it all day. Want to take a look? What does the Manager say? +What does the Manager say? I sent a female in. The room in question was rented by an Anglo, cash; since then, nothing -- no activity, no phone response. +I sent a female in. The room in question was rented by an Anglo, cash; since then, nothing -- no activity, no phone response. Let's take a look. +The room key's in the car. On the seat. And it's getting dark. I'm not going to run this into the night. Eddie, we're walking in. Everything covered? +Show's over, boys. Nobody home. Tape it off, we'll want to fine-tooth- comb it. My guess is that the UNSUB is having us on. He checks in, pays, picks up the key, but never walks inside. Tell me if I'm wrong. +Tape it off, we'll want to fine-tooth- comb it. My guess is that the UNSUB is having us on. He checks in, pays, picks up the key, but never walks inside. Tell me if I'm wrong. Got a sister like this, what they call it, anal? That's her. +Dylan here. Sheriff Dylan, this is FBI Agent Thomas Mackelway. Remember me? +Sheriff Dylan, this is FBI Agent Thomas Mackelway. Remember me? Hi there. +Hi there. I want to talk about the Karen Sumpter case. +I want to talk about the Karen Sumpter case. You heard? +You heard? What? +What? Her body turned up. In a Minnesota cemetery. They brought her back. +You have the body? She's buried. +She's buried. I want the autopsy report, where is it, Minnesota? +I want the autopsy report, where is it, Minnesota? Winona. +The family has gone through a lot. Their daughter missing, the search, her body found, the funeral -- then this order to exhume the corpse. I'm sorry. This won't take long. +I'm sorry. This won't take long. The body was embalmed. I don't understand -- +The body was embalmed. I don't understand -- Turn the body over. There was something in the autopsy report, yes, here. These burn marks. +Turn the body over. There was something in the autopsy report, yes, here. These burn marks. A grill pattern. +A grill pattern. We need to run this through VICAP, search for similar burns. +Ligature strangulation, just like his victims. A cord, nylon, you can tell by the indentation signature -- again, like his victims. Look at that little thing and look at all the trouble it got him in. Should have cut it off. I'm not in the mood for Native American wisdom. +I'm not in the mood for Native American wisdom. We had to bring staff in from the whole county to handle this. +We had to bring staff in from the whole county to handle this. I appreciate it, doctor. You know how it is, press screaming for answers, Washington's all over me. Ever handle a serial case? +Be my guest, Agent Kulok, scrub suits are in the back. This is Agent Mackelway. +Ripped off. By hand, my guess. Perimortal: victim was alive at the time, there's blood on his throat. That's the thing. Don't know if it connects, but Harold here had a thing about eyes. Two of the victims had their eyes gouged out, another punctured. Took polaroids after. +There seems to be a discrepancy. Not a discrepancy, an error. My capacity is 5.5 tons, not 6. +Not a discrepancy, an error. My capacity is 5.5 tons, not 6. I have 6 tons. +I have 6 tons. Mam, it's my truck. I know my own capacity. +Mam, it's my truck. I know my own capacity. You can't imagine how many men have told me that. +You can't imagine how many men have told me that. It's been customized for sleeping capacity. +It's been customized for sleeping capacity. Oh yes, I see. You must get asked this a lot. +Oh yes, I see. You must get asked this a lot. Not as much as you'd think. +Jesus. Hi. What's in the case? +You... surprised me. Sorry. I've seen you in here. Always lugging that case around. Whatja sell? +Sorry. I've seen you in here. Always lugging that case around. Whatja sell? Ah... restaurant supplies. I didn't get your name. +Ah... restaurant supplies. I didn't get your name. You must travel a lot, huh? +You must travel a lot, huh? Yeah. +Yeah. Whole country or just hereabouts? +Whole country or just hereabouts? I don't mean to be rude, but... +I don't mean to be rude, but... Just gettin' a jolt of java before headin' on home? How does your wife feel about it? +Just gettin' a jolt of java before headin' on home? How does your wife feel about it? What? +What? About your being away all the time. Must get lonely. +About your being away all the time. Must get lonely. Look... +Look... You must get lonely. You ever think about, you know... +You must get lonely. You ever think about, you know... Excuse me? +Excuse me? You know, you ever think about other women? +What are you...? Fucking. I'm talking about fucking, Harold. You ever think of fucking other women? +Look, mister... Take a look, Harold. Tell me if you see anything you want. You do like to look, don't you? +My God. Not bad, huh? +Not bad, huh? You're a... you're sick. +You're a... you're sick. What's wrong with me? +Calm down, Harold. Okay, here's what we're going to do, Harold: there's a pull off up ahead, we're going to stop there. Oh God, mister, please leave me alone. +Oh God, mister, please leave me alone. You're going to miss it. Pay attention. +You're going to miss it. Pay attention. What do you want from me? +I've been looking for you. Why me? What do you want from me!? +The man who was with him, he was a construction worker? Yes. +Yes. What did he look like? +What did he look like? I didn't wait on him. Fifty or so, white, regular build, needed a shave -- that's all I remember. +I didn't wait on him. Fifty or so, white, regular build, needed a shave -- that's all I remember. How did you know he was a construction worker? +How did you know he was a construction worker? He had an orange hat on. +He was sitting here? It's been wiped down a hundred times since then. +There was a car in the lot when we closed. Gone today. What kind? +What kind? An old junker. Like a reservation car. Blue, side door with brown, you know, primer paint. New Mexico plates. A Ford or ah, yeah, a Ford. +An old junker. Like a reservation car. Blue, side door with brown, you know, primer paint. New Mexico plates. A Ford or ah, yeah, a Ford. Put a BOLO out on that. +Speck's the killer all right. We got box loads of evidence. Did 'em all the same way: torture, strangulation. Prostitutes. I don't think we'll be able to write off any outstandings on him -- this is probably the full body count. What about his killer? +What about his killer? Nada. Vague description, that's all. Fine-tooth-combed Speck's car, the diner: no fingerprints, no trace evidence. +Nada. Vague description, that's all. Fine-tooth-combed Speck's car, the diner: no fingerprints, no trace evidence. What's with the eyelids? +You have the photo from the diner? At the field office. +At the field office. Let's take a look at it. Drop off my stuff at the hotel after you're done here. +He said it was a clue? Maybe something to do with Zorro. +Maybe something to do with Zorro. "Don't say that. Don't even think that. The next thing we'll be hearing about ""Zorro Killer"" in the media -- this hasn't gotten out, has it?" +"Don't say that. Don't even think that. The next thing we'll be hearing about ""Zorro Killer"" in the media -- this hasn't gotten out, has it?" Just hospital talk. Nothing that connects to Speck. +Just hospital talk. Nothing that connects to Speck. This could all be a coincidence, but, you know something, I don't believe in coincidences. That's why I came back. Do you think the UNSUB -- we're not going to mention the word Zorro -- met Harold Speck online? +Chuck, hello. This is Agent Kulok. She has a background in medical forensics. Just an observer. +We didn't know Speck was a serial, the police didn't know, his wife didn't know -- so how did the killer know? Maybe cause he's smart. +Maybe cause he's smart. Smarter than us. +Sorry to interrupt you, sir, but I thought you'd like to know. What? +What? We have another one. +We have another one. Another what? +Another what? Serial killer killed. In Ft. Myers. Cut up in his van. And this time we got a witness. +Deputy Director, get out, sir. What are you doing? +What are you doing? Please. +Mackelway, I could understand. He is over-emotional by nature, but you, Agent Kulok, you had a shining career in front of you. Just step outside, sir. Now. Keep your hands where I can see them. +Look, sorry. Don't say a word. I know this is improper. I've been trying to speak with Deputy Director Koessler. I left a message. I must speak with you before you go back to Washington. This better be important. +I think I talked to him. Who? +Who? Speck. Harold Speck. +Speck. Harold Speck. From the grave? +From the grave? MyDick. +I'll relay this to CIIAC. They don't know how to crack these secret chat rooms -- +They don't know how to crack these secret chat rooms -- I might point out, Agent Mackelway, the reason we haven't been able to crack those rooms is that you refused to share that information with us -- which is also why you were reassigned. +I might point out, Agent Mackelway, the reason we haven't been able to crack those rooms is that you refused to share that information with us -- which is also why you were reassigned. I had gotten their trust. We were sharing fantasies. I couldn't risk it. +I had gotten their trust. We were sharing fantasies. I couldn't risk it. The Federal Bureau of Investigation is not based on personal preference. We share information. +The Federal Bureau of Investigation is not based on personal preference. We share information. Let some by-the-book J. Edgar Agents go into the chat room, spook these guys with stupid questions, blow my cover? -- no way. +Let some by-the-book J. Edgar Agents go into the chat room, spook these guys with stupid questions, blow my cover? -- no way. You refused to comply with a direct order. +You refused to comply with a direct order. I was lucky to find, much less crack, the address code -- no way to be sure I could have done it again. +I was lucky to find, much less crack, the address code -- no way to be sure I could have done it again. Its called insubordination. +Its called insubordination. Then why do I still have a badge? +How do you feel, Agent Pretty embarrassed, to be honest. I had him. +Pretty embarrassed, to be honest. I had him. Agent Kulok and I were in O'Hare when we heard. +Agent Kulok and I were in O'Hare when we heard. He got away. I had him. He got away. +He got away. I had him. He got away. Do you think he singled you out? +Do you think he singled you out? No, just coincidence. He knew who I was, of course. He had my ID -- did he keep it? +The cut on your arm -- mind if we remove the bandage? Go ahead. +Agent Mackelway, you're going to get your wish. You're going back to Washington. I want you back in Computer Crimes. Fire up those chat rooms. This time, sir, if I may be so bold, would it be possible to set up my equipment outside CIIAC, perhaps in military housing at Quantico? I didn't get along very well with the other members of the Division. We thought differently. +This time, sir, if I may be so bold, would it be possible to set up my equipment outside CIIAC, perhaps in military housing at Quantico? I didn't get along very well with the other members of the Division. We thought differently. You didn't like anyone looking over your shoulder -- why was that? What were you doing? +You didn't like anyone looking over your shoulder -- why was that? What were you doing? If my Reporting Agent could be someone outside Computer Crimes, perhaps Agent Kulok? +I'll take it into consideration. What I do requires confidentiality. +What I do requires confidentiality. I always meant to ask, what is it that makes you so special? Why is it you have this special rapport with multiple killers? Why you? +I always meant to ask, what is it that makes you so special? Why is it you have this special rapport with multiple killers? Why you? They like my stories. They like the way I think. They're into fantasy. I turn them on. +You feeling okay, Agent Mackelway? Had trouble sleeping last night, sir. +Had trouble sleeping last night, sir. Okay, Harold Speck: who goes first? +Nothing concrete. Nothing I'd... well, nothing. I don't believe this. +I don't believe this. I'm hesitant to... +I'm hesitant to... Mack the Mouth at a loss for words. +"""Murman"" was the alter identity of William Heirens, the original ""Catch Me Before I Kill Again"" killer. Short for ""Murder Man."" It was the case that got Richard Low and I started in this field." I spoke with Lloyd Daitz. +I spoke with Lloyd Daitz. That gasbag. I can imagine what he said. I'm not ashamed to admit that most of what I know about criminal profiling started with Richard Low. I have also, over the years, I admit, taken credit for many of his accomplishments. He was the most brilliant law enforcement individual I ever met. +That gasbag. I can imagine what he said. I'm not ashamed to admit that most of what I know about criminal profiling started with Richard Low. I have also, over the years, I admit, taken credit for many of his accomplishments. He was the most brilliant law enforcement individual I ever met. """Was?""" +"""Was?""" We had every reason to believe he was on that plane. He was supposed to be on the plane. Everything was incinerated, it was two weeks before we reached the crash site. We, the Director and I, decided it was in everyone's best interest to declare Dick Low dead. That way he could exit a hero. +We had every reason to believe he was on that plane. He was supposed to be on the plane. Everything was incinerated, it was two weeks before we reached the crash site. We, the Director and I, decided it was in everyone's best interest to declare Dick Low dead. That way he could exit a hero. You suspected all along, suspected he was alive. That's why you came to El Paso. +You suspected all along, suspected he was alive. That's why you came to El Paso. Dunlevy said there was another case, Ron Rice. In fact, there were two earlier cases where serials were murdered. The second was George Sheldon. I didn't enter it into VICAP -- I'll get you the file. +Dunlevy said there was another case, Ron Rice. In fact, there were two earlier cases where serials were murdered. The second was George Sheldon. I didn't enter it into VICAP -- I'll get you the file. How long ago? +How long ago? Both in the last year. I suspected only someone as brilliant as Dick Low could find these guys. Look, whatever Daitz told you, nobody wanted to strip Richard of his badge. You have to get close to be good at what he did, the trick is not to get too close. +Both in the last year. I suspected only someone as brilliant as Dick Low could find these guys. Look, whatever Daitz told you, nobody wanted to strip Richard of his badge. You have to get close to be good at what he did, the trick is not to get too close. "You knew the arm slash was not ""Zorro.""" +"You knew the arm slash was not ""Zorro.""" I suspected, but you were the one Low contacted. That's why I brought you back here. +I suspected, but you were the one Low contacted. That's why I brought you back here. What did you think of the Suspect Zero theory? +What did you think of the Suspect Zero theory? It was neither a valid concept nor a valid fact. Suspect Zero came to represent every killer Dick Low had not caught. The idea took root in his head like a wild irrational vine. For someone like Low, there would always be a Suspect Zero. We couldn't let Richard go where that idea was taking him. +"I got a look in Testa's computer. His screen name was ""Imelda."" Have to give him that, had a sense of humor." Collected shoes too? +We're waiting for trace evidence results on the Rice killing. We need to put out an NCIC inquiry. +We need to put out an NCIC inquiry. How do you send out an APB on a dead man? +How do you send out an APB on a dead man? Huh?, sir. +Huh?, sir. I want to catch Dick Low, more than you can imagine, but I cannot risk going public. What happens when the media finds out that a former FBI Special Agent, a founder of the Behavioral Sciences Unit, is not dead, but instead alive and killing people, not ordinary people, but, even worse, serial killers, making him some sort of white knight vigilante? You keep at it. We'll find him, we'll find him in our own way. +Why did you go to Chicago? I was visiting an old college friend. +I was visiting an old college friend. You didn't tell anyone where you were? +You didn't tell anyone where you were? An oversight, sir, I apologize. I felt I needed to get away for a day. The pressure. Paid for my own ticket. +An oversight, sir, I apologize. I felt I needed to get away for a day. The pressure. Paid for my own ticket. I'm told you've asked for a Bureau cross-check of flight records to and from El Paso, Ft. Myers, Omaha, the Murman murder time frames. +I'm told you've asked for a Bureau cross-check of flight records to and from El Paso, Ft. Myers, Omaha, the Murman murder time frames. I was looking for a pattern. +I was looking for a pattern. That breaks my confidentiality stipulation. +That breaks my confidentiality stipulation. I didn't use Low's name. +I didn't use Low's name. There was talk of a file photo. +There was talk of a file photo. In Ft. Myers before your instruction. Nowhere else, sir. +Watch out for Dick Low, he's a liar; he has his own world. There was a Junior Agent in Seattle, not unlike you, an Agent who fell under Dick's spell. He'd have done anything for Agent Low. Richard got this Agent to take a suspect to the crime scene, beat him up, force a confession -- all unauthorized, all illegal. The Agent died that night, killed by the suspect. Richard Low got him killed. Worst of all, we had to hush it up, let the suspect go. The suspect was George Sheldon, the second man Richard killed. I understand. +I understand. As far as the public knows, Richard Low is dead. And he will stay dead until we kill him. +He's got you believing in Zero now too. I need to get to Amarillo immediately. +I need to get to Amarillo immediately. Have you told Richard Low about Amarillo? +Have you told Richard Low about Amarillo? I can't. The chat room isn't open for another five days. +I can't. The chat room isn't open for another five days. We'll wait. Get online with Low, inform him of Zero's route -- we'll set a trap for him. +We'll wait. Get online with Low, inform him of Zero's route -- we'll set a trap for him. What about Zero, Darryl Hawkins? +What about Zero, Darryl Hawkins? Hawkins isn't the target, Richard Low's the target. +Hawkins isn't the target, Richard Low's the target. There's a killer out there -- we know who he is. He could be stalking now. +There's a killer out there -- we know who he is. He could be stalking now. Dick Low's a killer too. +Dick Low's a killer too. You're as crazy as he is! He's right! You don't give a damn about saving lives at all! Fuck you! +Miss me, Dave? Thank you, Rangers. Put this man in the unmarked. +Don't you touch him. You better hope the Director doesn't stop abruptly one day, David, you might break your nose. +You better hope the Director doesn't stop abruptly one day, David, you might break your nose. You're a disgrace to law enforcement, to the Bureau -- and to me. +You're a disgrace to law enforcement, to the Bureau -- and to me. How did a girl like me end up in a place like this? The Deputy Director here, he believes in Tough Love. A cop's cop. Shape up or ship out, righto? Agent Kulok, when you get a chance you might want to check the victims of the recent serials. You'll find that some of them have been credited to other killers, some years ago. That's a Dave Koessler trick, find a pliant sociopath, preferably a dead one, attribute to him unsolved cases, clean up the backlog-looks great in the yearly report. +You are so fucked up. Suspect Zero, now there's an idea that doesn't look good on paper -- +When I was at the rest stop, there was a young boy, maybe ten, and his mother. Darryl Hawkins, Zero, abducted the boy in the men's room. I tried to stop him. He cold-cocked me -- Listen to this guy? Can you believe this? He'll never change. Born a liar, first word out of his mouth was a lie. Make up a story, always a story, any goddamn story, to save his ass. +Agent Kulok, that boy, as we speak, is in Hawkins' truck, probably still alive, in a dark refrigerated compartment, shivering in just a T- shirt: put yourself in his mind, freezing, terrified, wanting his mother. Put yourself in his mother's place, desperate, imagining the worst is happening as she pleads, back there at the rest stop, for someone, anyone, to listen to her. This is not hypothetical, this is real. It is happening now and you can do something about it. Shut the fuck up or I'll shut you up. +Shut the fuck up or I'll shut you up. You have to save this boy. Good exists in this world. I can prove it because you can, in your life, save this one person. +Thanks for the ride. They sort of got me on shit detail, no offense. +They sort of got me on shit detail, no offense. None taken. +None taken. Maybe I shouldn't put it that way. I'm on my best behavior. I've got to watch what I say. +Maybe I shouldn't put it that way. I'm on my best behavior. I've got to watch what I say. You used to be in the Behavioral Science Unit, right? +You used to be in the Behavioral Science Unit, right? The Academy, then CIIAC. +The Academy, then CIIAC. I read your white paper. It's sort of like the Bible for what they're trying to do in Computer Crime. +I read your white paper. It's sort of like the Bible for what they're trying to do in Computer Crime. How long have you been downtown? +How long have you been downtown? Five months. I love it. +You work with Koessler? Not especially. +Not especially. Why did he come out here? What's going on? +Why did he come out here? What's going on? Beats me. He just asked me to come along, double-check the forensics. What did you do to piss him off? +This is a sexy case. Yeah, you know the vic's car, he was killed this side of the state line, the car then pushed across the border. This by an Unknown Subject, presumably the killer, who left no fucking evidence except the snapshot, which may or may not have been accidental. +Yeah, you know the vic's car, he was killed this side of the state line, the car then pushed across the border. This by an Unknown Subject, presumably the killer, who left no fucking evidence except the snapshot, which may or may not have been accidental. Doesn't fit. +Doesn't fit. This is no random killing, no one shot deal. The UNSUB has killed before; he's good at it. So what do we have? We have someone who has killed before who kills someone who kills: a serial killer of a serial killer -- and who wants the FBI to know he exists. +This is no random killing, no one shot deal. The UNSUB has killed before; he's good at it. So what do we have? We have someone who has killed before who kills someone who kills: a serial killer of a serial killer -- and who wants the FBI to know he exists. And who kills in the manner of his victim. +And who kills in the manner of his victim. That information's being withheld from the media. +That information's being withheld from the media. A very sexy case. +Some kids found you in a garbage dump. Where's my watch? It's gone. +Yes I do. It explains a lot. +Relax. J. Edgar's greatest fear: a female with a badge. The man knew how to dress. +The man knew how to dress. Don't even go there. What's up? +Don't even go there. What's up? "Setting up. Technically, anyone in a chat room can be traced back to a screen address. But, by using punters, a correspondent literally punts his address around the world, through computers in countries that have no communication treaties. The correspondent becomes ""ghosted,"" invisible." +"Setting up. Technically, anyone in a chat room can be traced back to a screen address. But, by using punters, a correspondent literally punts his address around the world, through computers in countries that have no communication treaties. The correspondent becomes ""ghosted,"" invisible." What about the chat rooms themselves? +What about the chat rooms themselves? "That's the beauty of the system. This is a fugitive chat room. It moves from place to place, chat rooms that are normally empty at certain hours: a gardening website, Chaucer buffs, a dating service. A pre- arranged code shows up in one of fifty porn rooms -- that's where I stumbled across it -- notifying ""friends"" to meet at a certain time, usually midnight to three Eastern Standard, at a certain website -- a deserted chat room, say, ""How to Plant Perennials."" Come Tuesday, twelve a.m., bingo, these like-minded deviates log on and start yakking it up: explicit sex crime gossip, who did what to whom, who wants to do what, when, why and how." +"That's the beauty of the system. This is a fugitive chat room. It moves from place to place, chat rooms that are normally empty at certain hours: a gardening website, Chaucer buffs, a dating service. A pre- arranged code shows up in one of fifty porn rooms -- that's where I stumbled across it -- notifying ""friends"" to meet at a certain time, usually midnight to three Eastern Standard, at a certain website -- a deserted chat room, say, ""How to Plant Perennials."" Come Tuesday, twelve a.m., bingo, these like-minded deviates log on and start yakking it up: explicit sex crime gossip, who did what to whom, who wants to do what, when, why and how." That's part of the reason I dropped by. I need to learn this stuff. +That's part of the reason I dropped by. I need to learn this stuff. The other reason? +The other reason? You want to have dinner? +Working the net isn't that different from ordinary undercover work. You go into the community, walk their walk, talk their talk, gain their confidence. They're all criminals? +They're all criminals? No, no, no, most of them -- I used to think all of them -- are just fantasists, guys who get off telling degrading stories. When I came across this fugitive chat room, listened in, I started to think some might actually be real, that they'd gone live. The challenge was to figure out which was which. Then I had my disagreement with Koessler. +No, no, no, most of them -- I used to think all of them -- are just fantasists, guys who get off telling degrading stories. When I came across this fugitive chat room, listened in, I started to think some might actually be real, that they'd gone live. The challenge was to figure out which was which. Then I had my disagreement with Koessler. """Gone live?""" +"""Gone live?""" "Chat jargon for moving from fantasy to real victims: ""I went live last month.""" +"Chat jargon for moving from fantasy to real victims: ""I went live last month.""" This is some serious shit. +This is some serious shit. Taking a Stryker saw, cutting off the top of someone's cranium, pulling the brain out -- what's that, a day in Spring? +Taking a Stryker saw, cutting off the top of someone's cranium, pulling the brain out -- what's that, a day in Spring? You got a point there. +You got a point there. People end up in occupations for a reason. They may think not, but they do: occupations define us. +People end up in occupations for a reason. They may think not, but they do: occupations define us. I was going to be a physician, I am a physician, but I kept drifting over to criminal psych. This seems to be the best of both. My parents still haven't forgiven me. +I was going to be a physician, I am a physician, but I kept drifting over to criminal psych. This seems to be the best of both. My parents still haven't forgiven me. I was interested in two things: computers and crime. They sort of came together. +I was interested in two things: computers and crime. They sort of came together. And one other thing. +And one other thing. What's that? +What's that? Sex. +Look at this fellow... or this one. Grown man dressed like a clown. Does he really think he looks good? +Grown man dressed like a clown. Does he really think he looks good? He thinks he looks young. +He thinks he looks young. What's this country coming to? +What's this country coming to? Take it to the next level. What are his fantasies, what turns him on, what kind of pornography does he like? If he could act out his fantasies, what would he do? Imagine yourself one of his victims, realizing your life is in his hands. What is he thinking? +Take it to the next level. What are his fantasies, what turns him on, what kind of pornography does he like? If he could act out his fantasies, what would he do? Imagine yourself one of his victims, realizing your life is in his hands. What is he thinking? My guess: he's wondering whether to get more fries or go straight to the chocolate sundae. +Every cop has a story and every story has a girl. The girl in my story was fifteen years-old. She wore a pink angora sweater -- I can still see it -- one day, she disappeared. I told the police she wouldn't run away, I told them who to look for, but I was just a kid. I sat in the police station crying and crying. My parents took me home. The girl was my cousin and the man who abducted her was a teacher I'd had. He kept her alive a week before he killed her. The police could have saved her. Every time I see a photo of a victim I see her. That's what I want to do. I want to save her. "Me too. Make any headway with ""Zorro""?" +"Me too. Make any headway with ""Zorro""?" None. Can't find a thing. Nothing on file, nothing online. It's not a part of any known killer's signature. +None. Can't find a thing. Nothing on file, nothing online. It's not a part of any known killer's signature. I was thinking, maybe we should ask Professor Daitz. Nobody knows this stuff better. +I was thinking, maybe we should ask Professor Daitz. Nobody knows this stuff better. That's because he's a fucking wacko. Never met a self-promotion scheme he didn't like. What's he doing now? +That's because he's a fucking wacko. Never met a self-promotion scheme he didn't like. What's he doing now? He's a consultant to a network TV program on Profilers. He gets a check every episode. +I ever get like that, just take me out in back and shoot me. Don't be too harsh. +Don't be too harsh. I saw him on a talk show once, talking about these killers like they were his friends. Not the victims, not the families of the victims, he doesn't talk about them. Blood money, that's what it is. Did he hit on you? +I saw him on a talk show once, talking about these killers like they were his friends. Not the victims, not the families of the victims, he doesn't talk about them. Blood money, that's what it is. Did he hit on you? Huh? +Huh? When you were his student? Did he come on to you? +When you were his student? Did he come on to you? Of course he did. He came on to every attractive student. Which bothers you most: that he exploits suffering or that he came on to me? +Of course he did. He came on to every attractive student. Which bothers you most: that he exploits suffering or that he came on to me? You must really think I'm a square, a computer nerd. +You must really think I'm a square, a computer nerd. No, Mack, I do not think you're a square and definitely not a nerd. +Why did Koessler assign you as my liaison? Because you asked him to, stupid. +Because you asked him to, stupid. Oh yeah, I forgot. +There are Agency regulations about this. """Intra-Agency fraternizing.""" +"""Intra-Agency fraternizing.""" It's a no-no. +It's a no-no. I know. +I know. I've been thinking about this. +I've been thinking about this. Does Koessler ask about me? +Does Koessler ask about me? He's called a couple times. +He's called a couple times. What did you tell him? +What did you tell him? Just routine stuff. +Just routine stuff. Not about coming to see Daitz? +Not about coming to see Daitz? Not yet. Not about this, either. +Find the feet? No. Cut off while he was still alive, look at his wrists, damn near ripped his hands off trying to get free. Must have been screaming real loud when the killer chain-sawed his throat. Unfortunately, he'd soundproofed his van. +No. Cut off while he was still alive, look at his wrists, damn near ripped his hands off trying to get free. Must have been screaming real loud when the killer chain-sawed his throat. Unfortunately, he'd soundproofed his van. We got an UNSUB walking around with four feet? +We got an UNSUB walking around with four feet? We did find these, however. +Jesus. We're trying to match them with dump site bodies. This we know is Carol Delview from Tampa, found her last Spring. This one -- +The tattoo? Sue Ann Hanson. +Sue Ann Hanson. You mean -- +You mean -- You found the body. She was one of Harold Speck's victims. In El Paso. They're not just talking to each other, Mack, they're trading souvenirs. +Did they disconnect Testa's computer? Not yet. This time they're waiting for you. +You should have seen the store manager at Parade of Shoes. She was inconsolable. Murman and Imelda had been slipping into a private chat room. Low had poor old Testa drooling on the keyboard. Abduction fantasies, voyeurism, mutilation, teasing him with fetish elements. He is very good. I think it's safe to say Richard Low is Murman. +Mack, I'm sorry. I apologize. I should have called. I had no right to sneak in on you like that. No, Jaime, I apologize. I didn't... I had no right to speak to you like that. +No, Jaime, I apologize. I didn't... I had no right to speak to you like that. I came over because I couldn't sleep and was lonely. I wanted to see you. I thought I'd surprise you. +I came over because I couldn't sleep and was lonely. I wanted to see you. I thought I'd surprise you. You did. +Maybe we should back off a bit. I can't. They trust me, they accept me. I've got their confidence. +I can't. They trust me, they accept me. I've got their confidence. No, I mean maybe we should back off a bit, you and me. +No, I mean maybe we should back off a bit, you and me. Oh. +There's the Agency issue. I think Koessler may suspect something already. We're not on the best footing with him as it is. That's true. +That's true. Then there's the other issue. +Then there's the other issue. What's that? +What's that? You need time to think. About the case, about you and me. +You need time to think. About the case, about you and me. I found a peephole into Deviant World. I'm gonna reach in and yank some of those creeps out. +I found a peephole into Deviant World. I'm gonna reach in and yank some of those creeps out. And nobody else can do that? +And nobody else can do that? Not the way I can. +Not the way I can. That's my point. Remember, you're a cop pretending to be a deviant. It's not the other way around. +That's my point. Remember, you're a cop pretending to be a deviant. It's not the other way around. Don't confuse what we do with who we are. +Don't confuse what we do with who we are. I just need to go a little slow. +Hello? Jaime? Where are you? +Jaime? Where are you? Where are you? Everybody's looking for you. +Where are you? Everybody's looking for you. What's up? +What's up? I'm in Omaha. Get to the airport. There's been another one. +My watch. He toyed with me. He sent me to Chicago. You want to get him? Find something he wants. Get him to come to you. +You want to get him? Find something he wants. Get him to come to you. Start killing people for real? +Start killing people for real? Suspect Zero. +Suspect Zero. That's a crackpot theory. Everybody says so. +That's a crackpot theory. Everybody says so. But he believes in it. That's all that matters. He toyed with you, you toy with him. Convince him you've got a lead on Suspect Zero. Use Zero, you'll find Low. +This feels like something out of a spy novel. I guess I'm a little paranoid. +I guess I'm a little paranoid. What's going on? +I met with Richard Low. These are names of missing persons he has flagged. I'm double-checking every case, but I don't want to be too obvious about it. I marked the ones I'd like you to work on. Slow down a second, you met with Low -- +Slow down a second, you met with Low -- You were right. He found me. +You were right. He found me. And you're working with him? +And you're working with him? I need something tangible. To hook him. I told him I'd found the confidential file on the Suspect Zero theory. +I need something tangible. To hook him. I told him I'd found the confidential file on the Suspect Zero theory. Does one exist? +Does one exist? Probably. I told him Koessler had ordered the report, kept it secret. +Probably. I told him Koessler had ordered the report, kept it secret. Koessler doesn't know any of this? +Koessler doesn't know any of this? I've decided to investigate Low's plane crash. While I'm at it, I thought I'd look at the cases Koessler worked with Low. +I'd be real careful if I were you. It's too late for that. I've gone ahead of the curve on this one. There's no turning back. When this is over, Koessler is going to be right or Low is going to be right or I'm going to be right, but not all of us. +It's too late for that. I've gone ahead of the curve on this one. There's no turning back. When this is over, Koessler is going to be right or Low is going to be right or I'm going to be right, but not all of us. It's okay to be wrong, just don't be dead wrong. +It's okay to be wrong, just don't be dead wrong. They say Richard Low is wrong, but because of him, women, innocent women, are alive who would be dead. +They say Richard Low is wrong, but because of him, women, innocent women, are alive who would be dead. You're putting me in a difficult position. +You're putting me in a difficult position. I got an autopsy report from El Paso that doesn't seem right. A girl on Low's list. Karen Sumpter. We're getting a court order to exhume to body. I'd like you to come and look at it. Don't worry, I've cleared it. +Jaime, do you think, when this is all over, when we're in different divisions, you think maybe you and me, we could try again? Mack, I'm just trying to keep up with now. +But why this pattern? Could be a lot of things. Depends on the freezer. I'm sorry, Mack, but I don't think this is the answer. +Tom, you okay? Hardly anyone calls me Tom. Everybody calls me Mack. I always liked that. +Hardly anyone calls me Tom. Everybody calls me Mack. I always liked that. You okay? +You okay? Yeah, of course. +Yeah, of course. What's going on? +It's quite advanced. "Burn marks. The original M.E. listed it as ""burn residue."" Same place, the outer thigh, as Karen Sumpter. The UNSUB is able to abduct, kill, transport and bury without detection." +"Burn marks. The original M.E. listed it as ""burn residue."" Same place, the outer thigh, as Karen Sumpter. The UNSUB is able to abduct, kill, transport and bury without detection." All the same killer? +All the same killer? Low calls him Suspect Zero. +Low calls him Suspect Zero. Suspect Zero is a crackpot theory. You said so. +Suspect Zero is a crackpot theory. You said so. That's what Koessler wants us to believe. To discredit Low. +That's what Koessler wants us to believe. To discredit Low. You're assigned, we're assigned, to apprehend Richard Low, not Suspect Zero. I have to tell you, Mack, I'm not comfortable where you're going. +You're assigned, we're assigned, to apprehend Richard Low, not Suspect Zero. I have to tell you, Mack, I'm not comfortable where you're going. "But it was your idea: ""use Zero,"" you said, use Zero to get Low." +I haven't changed anything. Damn. I... +I... I've got to take a piss. +Jaime -- It's a truck. A refrigerated truck. +It's a truck. A refrigerated truck. Zero abducts victims all over the country, kills them, keeps them refrigerated for days, weeks, even months, then buries them hundreds, thousands of miles away. Karen Sumpter was buried, washed up in a flood. Evans was buried. When we get Zero, we'll find boneyards all across the country. +Zero abducts victims all over the country, kills them, keeps them refrigerated for days, weeks, even months, then buries them hundreds, thousands of miles away. Karen Sumpter was buried, washed up in a flood. Evans was buried. When we get Zero, we'll find boneyards all across the country. How are we going to find him? +How are we going to find him? Get the routes of all refrigerated trucks over the last ten years. We've got three disappearance cities and dates, three parallel discovery cities. Get into the mainframe, let it crunch this information. +What happened? I'm going to Amarillo. +Agent... Kulok. +Kulok. Agent Kulok, could you wipe my face? +Unlock these cuffs. Sit back. +Mack must think Zero has a police band. Of course he does. Now get the key, get these things off me. Unhook me. +Uncuff me. What's wrong with you? Don't you want to save the boy? I want to protect the boy. I also want to protect Suspect Zero -- from you. +Okay, I'll unhook you. No weapon. No weapon. +No weapon. Turn around. Stretch your arms over the seat. +Bitch! Cunt! Please, please, please don't do this, Agent Kulok. You need me. I'll be back. +How did you know Speck was a killer? The little piggie speaks. +Who are you? I'll give you a little hint. You're a smart guy, figure it out. +Agent Mackelway? Yes. +Yes. This is Richard Low. Stay on the phone. Do not disconnect. I'm watching you. I will instruct you where to drive. +This is Richard Low. Stay on the phone. Do not disconnect. I'm watching you. I will instruct you where to drive. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. When you exit, head east on 10th. +Dave Koessler must have you jumping through hoops. I believe it is you, sir, who has us jumping through hoops. +I believe it is you, sir, who has us jumping through hoops. How's the arm? +How's the arm? I've been reading, hearing about you. I spoke to Koessler, Professor Daitz. +I've been reading, hearing about you. I spoke to Koessler, Professor Daitz. He couldn't break an egg with a hammer. He still writing those crime porn books? +He couldn't break an egg with a hammer. He still writing those crime porn books? He's moved on to TV. +He's moved on to TV. He always had a weakness in that area. I saw it the first time I met him. We all had our weaknesses, I guess. Daitz wanted the money. With Dave it was the glory. Koessler saw the Behavioral Sciences Unit as a stepping stone to bigger and better bureaucratic things. He had his eye on the Director's job, even then. Catching killers was a means to an end for them. +What was your weakness, sir? I'm not sure, exactly. I had monsters on the brain. I wanted to get these guys, every one of them. I got obsessive. +I'm not sure, exactly. I had monsters on the brain. I wanted to get these guys, every one of them. I got obsessive. Suspect Zero? +Suspect Zero? Deputy Director Koessler opposed the theory because it meant pressing the legal envelope, risking high-profile failure. Better to get rid of me. Then he could be Mr. Serial Killer, Mr. Authority on Deviant Behavior -- no embarrassing questions about the contribution of one Richard Low. Do you really think that plane crashed by accident? Do you really think I wasn't on it by accident? I've always had a good sense of intuition. +Deputy Director Koessler opposed the theory because it meant pressing the legal envelope, risking high-profile failure. Better to get rid of me. Then he could be Mr. Serial Killer, Mr. Authority on Deviant Behavior -- no embarrassing questions about the contribution of one Richard Low. Do you really think that plane crashed by accident? Do you really think I wasn't on it by accident? I've always had a good sense of intuition. So you went underground? +So you went underground? Was I afraid of Dave Koessler? Not likely. I told you, I'd gotten a bit obsessive. It was an opportunity to back off, think things through. Where's the file? +Was I afraid of Dave Koessler? Not likely. I told you, I'd gotten a bit obsessive. It was an opportunity to back off, think things through. Where's the file? I don't carry it with me. +I don't carry it with me. You're a smart guy. Tell me what it says. +You're a smart guy. Tell me what it says. """Agent Low's theory of Suspect Zero, the undetected serial killer, is delusional, the product of good intentions, paranoia and obsession...""" +Hum a tune and I'll sing to it. The file, however, was kept open after your death. NPE disappearances, No Plausible Explanation, were sometimes filed there, deleted if the bodies were found. +It's my master list of missing persons: men, boys, girls, children over the last ten years. Two hundred and eighty-five names. A pool of possible victims. Zero killed them all? +Zero killed them all? Of course not. They're possibles. I've checked them against Bureau records, check them against your file. How did you get it? +Of course not. They're possibles. I've checked them against Bureau records, check them against your file. How did you get it? Daitz hinted it existed. It was a matter of forming the request in the proper terms. +After my hiatus, after I got my priorities readjusted, I drifted online, started tracking porn chat rooms, looking for Zero. Got accepted, came across these boys swapping stories, pictures, downloads. Never found Zero, but I did come across some Class A scumbags. How do you know who's real and who's not? +How do you know who's real and who's not? And who else did I find? Agent Thomas Mackelway, crackerjack FBI techie. I was greatly disappointed when you were re-assigned. +And who else did I find? Agent Thomas Mackelway, crackerjack FBI techie. I was greatly disappointed when you were re-assigned. You knew it was me all along? +You knew it was me all along? Please. You can't hide from me, sonny. I invented the questionnaire. I can tell those who talk from those who do it in the time it takes you to fart. +There's someone out there, Mack, I know, some man killing for the fun of it, sniffing human glue, without regard to age or sex, without predicable M.O. Someone who has a way to dispose of the bodies. You have access, you can call up local authorities, check morgues, conduct interviews. Be my man. I already have an employer. +I already have an employer. If you won't do it for me, do it for your cousin, Nadine, right? The girl in the pink sweater. +If you won't do it for me, do it for your cousin, Nadine, right? The girl in the pink sweater. Who told you about her? +Who told you about her? You did. You were with her when she disappeared, right? She took you to the mall or the movies, you turn around and she's gone. +You did. You were with her when she disappeared, right? She took you to the mall or the movies, you turn around and she's gone. It was the mall. +It was the mall. I know you, Lionheart. I watched your mind work, heard your dirty thoughts -- +I know you, Lionheart. I watched your mind work, heard your dirty thoughts -- Those were just fantasies. +We're alike. We are hunters. We have the gift. It's ancient times all over again. We stand between order and chaos. I need help. I can't carry on alone. Maybe you should back off. +Maybe you should back off. This guy, Zero, he drifts around, that's how they all start, drifting around, their minds filling up with fantasies. He thinks he's real smart, laughs at us, laughs at his victims. But he has left a trail, and the trail is somewhere in those names. You know how to reach me. Take my advice, when dealing with these FBI tight-asses, go by the book. That's what I did. +This guy, Zero, he drifts around, that's how they all start, drifting around, their minds filling up with fantasies. He thinks he's real smart, laughs at us, laughs at his victims. But he has left a trail, and the trail is somewhere in those names. You know how to reach me. Take my advice, when dealing with these FBI tight-asses, go by the book. That's what I did. You? You went by the book? +You? You went by the book? Yeah, problem was, I had the only copy. See ya. +Is he dead? Yeah. +Yeah. The boy's okay. I saw him... +Was it Zero? Yeah. +[Fantasy time, girls, give it up, give it up.] Lionheart here. I'm back. Sorry about the absence. I had to do some therapy at the crossbar hotel. +[Reality very risky.] Whatever happened to MyDick? +[Lionheart, what happened?] Something came up, Murman, my man. +[You want to talk, Lionheart, or you want to take this a little more personal?] Lead the way, Murman. +Lead the way, Murman. [Follow me.] +I've been to Chicago. [Not this way. Call it a little favor, call it a little thing I'm going to do for you. I'm going to make Chicago come alive for you. You'll owe me one.] +[Not this way. Call it a little favor, call it a little thing I'm going to do for you. I'm going to make Chicago come alive for you. You'll owe me one.] If I owe, I will go. +If I owe, I will go. [The address is 147 South Rane. It's a lively address. You got a problem with dark meat?] +[The address is 147 South Rane. It's a lively address. You got a problem with dark meat?] Haven't had any, but I'm willing to try. +Haven't had any, but I'm willing to try. [Ask for Leslie. Eight days from tonight, exactly one a.m. Be there if you dare. You cannot fool the Murman.] +[If you wanted a good steak, you should have gone to Omaha.] Let's go someplace private, Murman, I have something for you. +Let's talk about Zero. [Hello, Agent Mackelway. How's the watch? Maybe you can do one of those TV commercials, I found my watch under a serial killer's heart and it was still ticking.] +[Hello, Agent Mackelway. How's the watch? Maybe you can do one of those TV commercials, I found my watch under a serial killer's heart and it was still ticking.] I want to help you. +I want to help you. [Not the heart, the watch.] +I've located the Suspect Zero file. Did you know there was one? Koessler ordered it as part of your evaluation. [Don't jerk a jerk-off. There's nothing in the Bureau mainframe.] +[Don't jerk a jerk-off. There's nothing in the Bureau mainframe.] Not everything is imputed to memory. The most confidential stuff is kept top secret hard copy. Why would the Zero file be kept secret? +Not everything is imputed to memory. The most confidential stuff is kept top secret hard copy. Why would the Zero file be kept secret? [You tell me.] +[You tell me.] George Sheldon? The second serial killer killed in the manner of his killings. The crime scene profile was never entered into VICAP. At whose request? David Koessler. +George Sheldon? The second serial killer killed in the manner of his killings. The crime scene profile was never entered into VICAP. At whose request? David Koessler. [What does the file say?] +[What does the file say?] I want to go live with you. +I want to go live with you. [And I want to go back to Needlepoint.] +[And I want to go back to Needlepoint.] Leave this room, I'll go back with you, blow your cover. +Leave this room, I'll go back with you, blow your cover. [I don't think so. We want the same thing. See ya.] +Good morning, sir. Agent Salinas, sir. So you're the new meat? +So you're the new meat? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. What did you do to end up here? +What did you do to end up here? I believe it's in my file, sir. +I believe it's in my file, sir. Johnny, get this man's file. Mackelway, right? +Johnny, get this man's file. Mackelway, right? Thomas Mackelway. +Thomas Mackelway. Hot enough for you, Agent Mackelway? Hell's doorknob. What they got you doing? +Hot enough for you, Agent Mackelway? Hell's doorknob. What they got you doing? Updating the condition of all Bureau- owned vehicles in the southwest sector, sir. +Updating the condition of all Bureau- owned vehicles in the southwest sector, sir. Sounds like fun. +"""Computer Investigation and Infrastructure Assessment Center."" Quantico out of MIT -- you're a techie? Okay, you screwed up once. So did half the guys here. That's why they're here." I screwed up twice, sir. +I screwed up twice, sir. I see that. Washington to Philadelphia to here. Philly's a nice station. How many agents? +I see that. Washington to Philadelphia to here. Philly's a nice station. How many agents? Four hundred and sixty, sir. +Four hundred and sixty, sir. """Attitude Adjustment Issues"" -- what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" +"""Attitude Adjustment Issues"" -- what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I wished to be reinstated at Computer Crimes. I was undiplomatic in my request. +I wished to be reinstated at Computer Crimes. I was undiplomatic in my request. This is a first. You criticized the Deputy Director to his face and you still have a badge? You must have some one-of-a-kind skills. Why don't you just quit? I mean, you're not going to get promoted, not wearing this jacket. +This is a first. You criticized the Deputy Director to his face and you still have a badge? You must have some one-of-a-kind skills. Why don't you just quit? I mean, you're not going to get promoted, not wearing this jacket. I like working for the Bureau, sir. I like catching bad guys. It's all I care about. +I like working for the Bureau, sir. I like catching bad guys. It's all I care about. Jesus, just what I need, another blue flamer. Johnny, get this boy some sun screen. +Agent Mackelway, you want to get off your ass and do something for a change? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Got a vehicle? Head north on 54. When you get to New Mexico you've gone too far. +Headed there now. The same shift will be on at noon. This case has sent bells and alarms ringing all the way to Washington. Your old boss is coming out. +This case has sent bells and alarms ringing all the way to Washington. Your old boss is coming out. Koessler? +Koessler? The same. +No. Hope you never do. At first it feels like a sauna, by the time you hit victim four it's a fucking burning shirt factory. +"""MyDick?""" MyDick. As in my dick. That was his screen name. +MyDick. As in my dick. That was his screen name. I don't... +I don't... "Eight, nine months ago. When I was at Computer Crime. I got into a chat room with someone named MyDick. I'd talked to him before. Everything I saw yesterday, everything in the autopsies, it's identical. The forensics are dead on. MyDick's fantasies involved a hog-tie rig, nylon cord, torture with pliers, rip the nipples -- when the ""item"" screams, she chokes. He had a thing about eyes, always the eyes -- stab their eyes. It's the same guy. Speck was MyDick." +"Eight, nine months ago. When I was at Computer Crime. I got into a chat room with someone named MyDick. I'd talked to him before. Everything I saw yesterday, everything in the autopsies, it's identical. The forensics are dead on. MyDick's fantasies involved a hog-tie rig, nylon cord, torture with pliers, rip the nipples -- when the ""item"" screams, she chokes. He had a thing about eyes, always the eyes -- stab their eyes. It's the same guy. Speck was MyDick." Speck is dead. +Speck is dead. I talked to him. +But why attack an Agent? He wants us to know he's out there, what he's doing. It's not enough just to kill somebody like Speck, he wants us to know he did it. +How far is Amarillo? 350 miles. +350 miles. Now, Mr. Hawkins, when last in Amarillo, where did you get gas? +Locate a jet, we're going to Amarillo. Excuse me, Agent Mackelway? +Excuse me, Agent Mackelway? This man, Hawkins, has killed dozens of people. Suspect Zero. +I don't think you understand. What is it exactly I don't understand, Agent Mackelway? +What is it exactly I don't understand, Agent Mackelway? Deputy Director Koessler doesn't want Zero. All he cares about is Low. +Deputy Director Koessler doesn't want Zero. All he cares about is Low. Perhaps you can explain it to him. It's Agent Mackelway. +I'm Agent Thomas Mackelway, FBI. There is no way you will escape. Assistant Deputy Director Richard Low is en route with another Agent. You may know Low by another name. You may know him by the name Murman. I am Lionheart. Murman! +Murman! He's a brilliant man. Brilliant enough to catch you. +He's a brilliant man. Brilliant enough to catch you. Brilliant? You think he caught any of them because he was brilliant? Hardboy? MyDick? Imelda? Ripper? Think about it, how did he locate them? He found them as Murman. And how did Murder Man find them? With sweet talk and brains? No. He did it with souvenirs. He took them into private rooms, swapped goodies: pictures, panties, jewelry, body parts. Snuff downloads. As bait. That's why I never exchanged with him. He killed girls, oh yeah, harvested them. He had the best stuff. Richard Low is Murman and Murman is one of us. +"You want to ""profile"" me? Find out what makes me ""tick""? Write about me, go on a talk show, give me a nickname?" It's over for you. +It's over for you. Take your shirt off. +Michael, this is Grandma. I want to know if you got the part on that television program. I told the whole family and they're very excited to know if... Skipping message. End of final message. Shit. +Shit. You have to put things in perspective. +You have to put things in perspective. I know, I know. +I know, I know. You've been through worse. +You've been through worse. You're right. I know. +You're right. I know. Ever since I've known you. +Ever since I've known you. I don't know about that. +I don't know about that. Moving here from New York was much more of an adjustment than this. +Moving here from New York was much more of an adjustment than this. It didn't feel that way. +It didn't feel that way. That's because it was a challenge. You has control over you're situation. It was hard, but you rose to it. +That's because it was a challenge. You has control over you're situation. It was hard, but you rose to it. Okay. I'll think about that. Bye. +Okay. I'll think about that. Bye. You really should. Life, after all, is really just a series of challenges... +You really should. Life, after all, is really just a series of challenges... Enough. I've got to use the phone. +Enough. I've got to use the phone. Are you calling Her? +Are you calling Her? No. Stop, come on. +You should call your Grandmother. Shuddup. +Don't do it, Mike. Shut up. +Do you realize that I've been waiting for that call for six months and I cut her off? You're money, baby. +How are you ladies doing this evening? What do you drive? +What do you drive? I'm sorry? +I'm sorry? What kind of car do you drive? +What kind of car do you drive? Oh... a Cavalier. +You like laughing at the misery of others? I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Let me make it up to you. +Thanks. I've seen you somewhere... Where have I seen you? +I've seen you somewhere... Where have I seen you? You ever go to the Kelbo's? On Pico? +You ever go to the Kelbo's? On Pico? ...maybe... +...maybe... ...Monday nights? I host an open mike... +...Monday nights? I host an open mike... You're a comedian? +You're a comedian? Yeah. +Yeah. What's that like? +What's that like? Well, you know, it's tough. A lot of traveling. A lot of hotels... but, you know, it's a dream... and the money's really good. I think I might buy another really expensive imported car after my next gig in Vegas... +Well, you know, it's tough. A lot of traveling. A lot of hotels... but, you know, it's a dream... and the money's really good. I think I might buy another really expensive imported car after my next gig in Vegas... I know! Starbucks! I served you an espresso at Starbucks. +I know! Starbucks! I served you an espresso at Starbucks. Are you sure? Maybe... +Are you sure? Maybe... Yes! Remember? You asked me for an application? I introduced you to the manager? +Yes! Remember? You asked me for an application? I introduced you to the manager? Oh, yeah... Boy, that must've been a while ago. +Oh, yeah... Boy, that must've been a while ago. I'd say about two weeks. +I'd say about two weeks. Probably a little longer than that, but, whatever. +Probably a little longer than that, but, whatever. You better pay the man. +Well, thank you...? Nikki. +Nikki. Thank you, Nikki. +Hi. Hi. +Hi. I'm Mike. +I'm Mike. Hi, Mike. I'm Lorraine. +Hi, Mike. I'm Lorraine. Like the quiche? +Like the quiche? Yes. Like the quiche. +Yes. Like the quiche. I like quiche. +I like quiche. I thought real men don't like quiche. +I thought real men don't like quiche. My reputation seems to have preceded me. +My reputation seems to have preceded me. Why? You're not a real man? +Why? You're not a real man? Not lately. +...so I thought, what the hell, they make movies in L.A., not in Michigan, so I moved here. Just like that? +Just like that? Well, it wasn't the simple, but yeah. +Well, it wasn't the simple, but yeah. How was it hard? +How was it hard? Well, I left someone very special behind. +Well, I left someone very special behind. Tell me about it... +Tell me about it... You too? +You too? Yeah. +Yeah. I thought I was going to die. +I thought I was going to die. It's been six months and I'm just starting to get over it. +It's been six months and I'm just starting to get over it. Oh, God. That's two more than me. Tell me it gets better. +Oh, God. That's two more than me. Tell me it gets better. It does. +It does. How? +How? Well, it still sucks, but you start to see that there are advantages to being single. +Well, it still sucks, but you start to see that there are advantages to being single. Like what? +Like what? What what? What advantages? +What else? What else...? Let's see... You have complete freedom. +What else...? Let's see... You have complete freedom. To do what? +To do what? I don't know... To grow, to go out. Whatever you want. +I don't know... To grow, to go out. Whatever you want. Anything? +Anything? Anything. +Anything. Like if I meet a handsome young man and I wanted to ask him to dance? I can do that? +Like if I meet a handsome young man and I wanted to ask him to dance? I can do that? Uh, if the guy wants to. +Uh, if the guy wants to. You don't think the guy would find me attractive enough to dance with? +You don't think the guy would find me attractive enough to dance with? Yes. I mean, no. I mean, maybe he would find her, I mean you attractive. Maybe he doesn't like to dance. Maybe all he likes to do is just stand around and drink and smoke and look cool with his buddies who don't dance either... +Yes. I mean, no. I mean, maybe he would find her, I mean you attractive. Maybe he doesn't like to dance. Maybe all he likes to do is just stand around and drink and smoke and look cool with his buddies who don't dance either... Maybe it doesn't matter if he's a good dancer cause it's a slow song, if that's what he's afraid of. +Maybe it doesn't matter if he's a good dancer cause it's a slow song, if that's what he's afraid of. No... Maybe that's not the case. Maybe she shouldn't be such a smug little shit because she'd be surprised at what a good dancer he really is, but it's been a long time and he doesn't know if he's ready to... +No... Maybe that's not the case. Maybe she shouldn't be such a smug little shit because she'd be surprised at what a good dancer he really is, but it's been a long time and he doesn't know if he's ready to... Mike... +Charles! What's up, man? Oh. You know. +Oh. You know. Did you, um, did you get that pilot? +Did you, um, did you get that pilot? No, man. I know you didn't get it 'cause you wouldn't've asked me. It wasn't that funny anyway... +No, man. I know you didn't get it 'cause you wouldn't've asked me. It wasn't that funny anyway... ...piece of shit. Listen, Charles, this is my friend Rob from Back East. +...and boy does it hurt when they ask. I don't even tell them about anything I'm close on anymore... +I don't even tell them about anything I'm close on anymore... ...not until you book it... +...not until you book it... ...and even then... +...and even then... ...you might get cut out. +You want to come with us to a party at the Chateau Marmont? They got a bungalow and lots of beautiful babies. Why not? This place is dead anyway. +They're out of Glenlivet. What else is going on? +Why don't I just wait three weeks and tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and found her number... ...then ask where you met her... +...then ask where you met her... "Yeah, I'll tell her I don't remember and then I'll ask what she looks like. Then I'll ask if we fucked. How's that, Tee? Is that ""the money""?" +Hi. My pleasure. +Oh, I'm sorry. How'd your folks take it? "I haven't heard an official ""no"" yet." +"I haven't heard an official ""no"" yet." You haven't told then, huh? +You haven't told then, huh? No. +No. "I still haven't told my folks I didn't get ""Deepspace 9"". You'd think they'd'a figured it out by now, but Mom keeps asking..." +"I'm considering taking a job as a ""Goofy""." Hey, man. At least it's Disney. +...I heard it took four days to light for that shot... ...Four days..? +I know what you're saying, man. I don't know what to tell you... "...I mean, does it have to be ""Goofy""? I was playing Hamlet off-Broadway two months ago, for crying out loud..." +Hi, boys, we almost gave up on you. Oh, are we late? There are no clocks in this town. +Oh, are we late? There are no clocks in this town. Well, no harm done. This is Lisa. I'm sorry, I never got your names... +No... no... The worst was when I went in for this After-School special and I'm sitting in the waiting room with all these little kids. I see they're all signed in for the same role as me... They were auditioning for the same role as you? +They were auditioning for the same role as you? Wait... Wait... Listen... So, I check the time and place. I'm where I'm supposed to be. I call my agent... She says they asked for me specifically... +It's like, you looked at my tape. You saw my picture. Why did you call me in? You knew I was twenty-four. What an asshole. +Let me just check on my boy. Don't worry. He's in good hands. +Always... No matter what... like splitting aces. +Lisa works at the MGM Grand... "I'm a ""Dorothy""." +Oh my God. Did you get it? +The poor thing. Six years? ...And she's with someone else. +...And she's with someone else. The poor thing. I'll make some coffee. +He's so sweet. He really said that? I believe it too. He really just wants her to be happy. +I believe it too. He really just wants her to be happy. He is so sweet. +A couple of high rollers like you? Could you believe it? +Could you believe it? Wait here, I'll get you that martini. +Wait here, I'll get you that martini. Nah, I didn't really want it anyway. I just wanted to order it. +Nah, I didn't really want it anyway. I just wanted to order it. Can I get you something else? I mean, you shouldn't leave without getting something for free. +Can I get you something else? I mean, you shouldn't leave without getting something for free. No thanks. Why ruin a perfect night. +What do you guys do? I'm a comedian. +On the table. Sorry? +Sorry? You have to lay it on the table. +You have to lay it on the table. Uh, I don't want to bet it all. +You're not allowed to hand me money, sir. You'll have to lay it on the table if you want me to change it. Oh... right. +Huh? You want this in black chips. +You want this in black chips. Sure, that'll be fine. +Do you have anything smaller? Yes, but I'm afraid this table has a hundred-dollar-minimum bet. Perhaps you'd be more comfortable at one of our lower stakes tables. +Do you ever perform out here? I'd love to see you. No... +No... You should. A lot of comics play Vegas. +You should. A lot of comics play Vegas. Well, I'm afraid it's not that easy... +Well, I'm afraid it's not that easy... Why not? +Why not? There are different circuits... it's hard to explain... you wouldn't understand... +There are different circuits... it's hard to explain... you wouldn't understand... Who's your booking agent? +Who's your booking agent? Oh? You know about booking agents... I don't, uh, actually have a west coast agent as of yet... +Oh? You know about booking agents... I don't, uh, actually have a west coast agent as of yet... Well, who represents you back east? +Well, who represents you back east? Actually, it's funny you... I'm actually, uh, between... +Actually, it's funny you... I'm actually, uh, between... What do you do, Trent? +I'm sure she'll call. Six years is a long time. You don't just break it off cleanly after six years. I know, but she did. She's with someone else now... +I know, but she did. She's with someone else now... Already? You poor thing. It won't last. +Already? You poor thing. It won't last. Why not? +Why not? It's a rebound. +It's a rebound. We were a rebound, and we lasted six years. +We were a rebound, and we lasted six years. Yeah, but how long was the relationship she was rebounding from? +Yeah, but how long was the relationship she was rebounding from? Six years. +Can I check my messages? I have a calling card. Sure, I guess. The phone's in the back. +Sorry, it's just that... I understand. +You said there are advantages to being single. I want to know what the advantages are. Well... You can talk to a beautiful woman at a bar without worrying if anyone's watching you. +Well... This is it. Listen. I had a great time. +Listen. I had a great time. Me too. +Me too. I would love to see you again sometime. +I would love to see you again sometime. I'll be around. +I'll be around. That's not good enough. I want to make plans to see you. +That's not good enough. I want to make plans to see you. Let me get a pen out of my car. Do you have something to write on? +You're a comedian? Yeah. And an actor. +Yeah. And an actor. I'll have to come see you sometime. +I'll have to come see you sometime. If and when I get a real gig I'll call you. +If and when I get a real gig I'll call you. It's not going to well? +It's not going to well? When I lived in New York they made it sound like they were giving out sit-coms to stand-ups at the airport. I got off the plane in L.A. six months ago and all I got to show for it is a tan. +When I lived in New York they made it sound like they were giving out sit-coms to stand-ups at the airport. I got off the plane in L.A. six months ago and all I got to show for it is a tan. Didn't you tell me to be patient with my career? +Didn't you tell me to be patient with my career? ...Yeah, but entertainment law isn't something you just jump into... +...Yeah, but entertainment law isn't something you just jump into... Neither is acting. Not if you're serious about it. Can I have one of these? +Neither is acting. Not if you're serious about it. Can I have one of these? Why, you like the duck with the cigar? +Why, you like the duck with the cigar? "Yeah. Nice touch. It's the logo from ""You Bet Your Life"", right?" +"Yeah. Nice touch. It's the logo from ""You Bet Your Life"", right?" Good eye. Not one club owner got it. They all ask me why I got Donald Duck on my card. +Good eye. Not one club owner got it. They all ask me why I got Donald Duck on my card. Hey, at least it's not Goofy. +Well, I should be getting... ...It's really getting late. +...It's really getting late. ...home. It's getting late. Yeah. +Can I give you a ride to your car...? ...Nah. I'm right across the street... +...Nah. I'm right across the street... ...Which one...? +...Which one...? ...The red piece of shit over there... +...The red piece of shit over there... ...well, it suits you... +...well, it suits you... ...get the hell outta here already... +Hello? Hi, Mike? +Hi, Mike? Lorraine? +Lorraine? Are you on the other line? +Are you on the other line? Yeah, hold on. +Yeah, hold on. I can call back... +I can call back... No, no. Hold on. +Hi. Sorry about that. You didn't have to get off the other line. I would've called you back. +You didn't have to get off the other line. I would've called you back. That's okay. I wanted to talk to you. +Hi, Lorraine. Thanks for holding on. "Listen, Mike. You really didn't have to get off the line. I just wanted to ask you one thing. I know I shouldn't have called, I mean, my friends said I should wait two days... Oh God, I probably sound like such a schoolgirl... It's just that it's tonight only... I mean, it's Sinatra's birthday and they have this thing every year at ""The Room"". Do you know where that is? It's impossible to find if you've never been there. I don't understand why none of the clubs in Hollywood have signs. Anyway, I'm so bad at this, if you're not busy I thought you might..." +How's it going? It's been a while... ...Six months. +...Six months. How are you doing? +How are you doing? Fine... I guess. You? +Fine... I guess. You? Good. I think about things. +Good. I think about things. Yeah? +Yeah? Yeah. +Yeah. What kind of things? +What kind of things? You know, us. +You know, us. I thought you met someone else. +I thought you met someone else. It doesn't matter. I think about you every day. +It doesn't matter. I think about you every day. Really? +Really? I miss you, Mike. +I miss you, Mike. Why didn't you call? +Why didn't you call? I couldn't. Do you know how hard it's been not to call you? I pick up the phone every night. Whenever that commercial comes on... +I couldn't. Do you know how hard it's been not to call you? I pick up the phone every night. Whenever that commercial comes on... ...the Michelin commercial... +...the Michelin commercial... ...Yeah, with the baby in the tire. One time I started to cry right in front of Pierre... +...Yeah, with the baby in the tire. One time I started to cry right in front of Pierre... Pierre... That's his name? Pierre? Is he French? +Pierre... That's his name? Pierre? Is he French? No, he's not... Listen I don't want to talk about him. That's a whole other headache. I called because I heard you might be moving back to Queens... +Hi. I heard you might be moving back... +I heard you might be moving back... Yeah, uh, I don't think that's gonna be happening any time soon... Listen, can I call you right back? I gotta take this call... +Yeah, uh, I don't think that's gonna be happening any time soon... Listen, can I call you right back? I gotta take this call... I'm not home and going out of town tomorrow for a week. Can't you talk for five more minutes? +I'm not home and going out of town tomorrow for a week. Can't you talk for five more minutes? I really want to catch up with you, but I've gotta take this call. They're holding. I'll talk with you when you get back in town. Bye. +I really want to catch up with you, but I've gotta take this call. They're holding. I'll talk with you when you get back in town. Bye. Goodbye. I lov... +And what if I don't want to give up on her? You don't call. +You don't call. But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her. +But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her. Right. +Right. So I don't call either way. +So I don't call either way. Right. +Right. So what's the difference? +So what's the difference? The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back. +The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back. So the only difference is if I forget about her or pretend to forget about her. +So the only difference is if I forget about her or pretend to forget about her. Right. +Right. Well that sucks. +Well that sucks. It sucks. +It sucks. So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her. +So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her. Right... or more likely the opposite. +Right... or more likely the opposite. Right... Wait, what do you mean? +Right... Wait, what do you mean? I mean first you'll pretend not to care, not call -- whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care. +I mean first you'll pretend not to care, not call -- whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care. Unless she comes back first. +Unless she comes back first. Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore. +Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore. There's the rub. +There's the rub. There's the rub. +There's the rub. Thanks, man. Sorry we always talk about the same thing all the time... +Thanks, man. Sorry we always talk about the same thing all the time... Hey man, don't sweat it. +Hey man, don't sweat it. ...It's just that you've been there. Your advice really helps. +...It's just that you've been there. Your advice really helps. No problem. +No problem. Rob, I just want you to know, you're the only one I can talk to about her. +Rob, I just want you to know, you're the only one I can talk to about her. Thanks. Thanks, man. +I don't think I'm gonna take it. It's a gig. +It's a gig. I mean, I need the money. +I mean, I need the money. You're an actor. Find the Zen in the role. +You're an actor. Find the Zen in the role. It's definitely a step back for me. +It's definitely a step back for me. Look, there's not much of a call for Shakespeare in this town. +Look, there's not much of a call for Shakespeare in this town. "There's just something about being ""Goofy"". Any other Disney character would be fine. There's just this stigma associated with the character." +"There's just something about being ""Goofy"". Any other Disney character would be fine. There's just this stigma associated with the character." What do you want? You're tall. +What do you want? You're tall. Do you realize how hard it's going to be to tell my parents? I still haven't told them I didn't get the pilot. +Do you realize how hard it's going to be to tell my parents? I still haven't told them I didn't get the pilot. You tested over a month ago. I'm sure they figured it out by now. +You tested over a month ago. I'm sure they figured it out by now. "It's like ""Hi, Mom. I'm not going to be starring in that sitcom and, oh by the way, I'm Goofy. Send more money.""" +Haven't you noticed I didn't mention Michelle once today? I didn't want to say anything. +I didn't want to say anything. Why? +Why? I don't know. It's like not talking to a pitcher in the midst of a no hitter. +I don't know. It's like not talking to a pitcher in the midst of a no hitter. What? Like, you didn't want to jinx it? +What? Like, you didn't want to jinx it? Kinda. +Kinda. I don't talk about her that much. +I don't talk about her that much. Oh no? +Oh no? I didn't mention her once today. +I didn't mention her once today. Well, until now. Tend the pin. +The only reason I mentioned her at all is to say that I'm not going to talk about her anymore. I thought you'd appreciate that. I do. Good for you, man. +I do. Good for you, man. I've decided to get out there. Go ahead. Play it out. +You want to hit the town tonight? I shouldn't, Mike, it's a weeknight. +I shouldn't, Mike, it's a weeknight. What do you have? A Pluto call back? +What do you have? A Pluto call back? Sure. Kick me when I'm down. +How many strokes? I don't know. Eight or Nine. +I don't know. Eight or Nine. I'll give you an eight. +I'll give you an eight. What'd you get? +What'd you get? An eight. +An eight. Looks like we're in a dead heat after one hole. This is turning into quite a rivalry. +So, if the party starts at eight, why are we first going to a bar at ten? To get a drink before we meet the guys for a bite at eleven. +To get a drink before we meet the guys for a bite at eleven. Oh. Where is this place? +Oh. Where is this place? It's one of these. For some reason, cool bars in L.A. have to be very hard to find and have no signs out front. +It's one of these. For some reason, cool bars in L.A. have to be very hard to find and have no signs out front. That doesn't sound too good for business. +That doesn't sound too good for business. It's kinda like a speakeasy kind of thing. It's kinda cool. It's like you're in on some kind of secret. You tell a chick you've been some place, it's like bragging that you know how to find it. The only way you could know where a place is is if someone who knows brought you there. You have to have someone come before. There is a direct line connecting you back to the original, unequivocally cool, club patrons. It's kinda like Judaism... +It's kinda like a speakeasy kind of thing. It's kinda cool. It's like you're in on some kind of secret. You tell a chick you've been some place, it's like bragging that you know how to find it. The only way you could know where a place is is if someone who knows brought you there. You have to have someone come before. There is a direct line connecting you back to the original, unequivocally cool, club patrons. It's kinda like Judaism... Sounds more like Aids... +Sounds more like Aids... ...That's probably a more appropriate analogy. +Kinda money, huh? Classy. +I'll get a Dewars rocks... Bud. +Bud. ...A Dewars on the rocks and a Bud, please. +I can't get over how cute the girls in this city are. I know. It's like the opposite of inbreeding. The hottest one percent from around the world migrate to this gene pool. +I know. It's like the opposite of inbreeding. The hottest one percent from around the world migrate to this gene pool. Darwinism at its best. +Darwinism at its best. I've been around here six months and I still can't get over it. +I've been around here six months and I still can't get over it. It's like, every day I see a beautiful woman. I'm not used to that. I'm used to seeing a beautiful woman, I don't know, once a week. I can't handle it. +It's like, every day I see a beautiful woman. I'm not used to that. I'm used to seeing a beautiful woman, I don't know, once a week. I can't handle it. Wait till summer. I swear, you can't leave the house. It hurts. It physically hurts. +Wait till summer. I swear, you can't leave the house. It hurts. It physically hurts. I can't wait till I actually get to touch one of them. +I can't wait till I actually get to touch one of them. Ah, there's the rub... +Ah, there's the rub... There's the rub. +Charles and me went to network on this pilot together. I just tested for one... +I just tested for one... ...yeah, a month ago. +...What's the big deal? Everyone steals from everyone. Well, let's hit that party. +What's that guy's name? Sue? Sue. His dad was big Johnny Cash fan. +Sue. His dad was big Johnny Cash fan. Oh, like that song... +Oh, like that song... "...""A Boy Named Sue"". I think that's why he's such a bad cat." +"...""A Boy Named Sue"". I think that's why he's such a bad cat." Him? +Him? He's a mean dude. I've seen him smash a guy's face into the curb. He knocked out his teeth... blood... He was just like Boom, Boom, Boom... fuckin nasty shit, man. He's a nice guy though. +There are so many beautiful women here. It's unbelievable. +It's unbelievable. I got to at least try once. +I got to at least try once. You're a better man than I am, Charlie Brown. +You're a better man than I am, Charlie Brown. No, I just promised myself I'd give it a try. I gotta get out there sooner or later. +No, I just promised myself I'd give it a try. I gotta get out there sooner or later. Go for it, man. +I'm going in. Will you be my wing- man? I'll be your winger. +Thanks, man. No problem, buddy. You eat anything today? +You haven't been drinking, have you? No. Just O.J. +Sorry about what happened at the Dresden. I had no idea... Don't sweat it. Now I got an L.A. gun story. You should hear the way I tell to the guys back home. He had an Uzi. Mike half-smiles. +You want to talk about it? What's the point? +What's the point? It's been two days. You should call that girl Nikki... +Uuuuugh! Oh boy. +Oh boy. I'm such an asshole. +I'm such an asshole. She wasn't your type anyway. +I think I'm gonna move Back East. Well, that's dumb. +Well, that's dumb. What's dumb about it? +What's dumb about it? Well, you're doing so well... +Well, you're doing so well... How am I doing well? I host an open mike and I played a fuckin' bus driver in a movie. Big fuckin' deal. I'm with an agency that specializes in fuckin magicians. How good am I doing? +How am I doing well? I host an open mike and I played a fuckin' bus driver in a movie. Big fuckin' deal. I'm with an agency that specializes in fuckin magicians. How good am I doing? At least you didn't get turned down for Goofy... +At least you didn't get turned down for Goofy... They turned you down? +They turned you down? They went for someone with more theme park experience. I woulda killed for that job. +See, it's all how you look at it. If your life sucks, then mine is God awful. I mean, I moved out here partially because I saw how well you were doing. You got in the union, you got an agent. I thought if you could make it, maybe I could too... I didn't make it... +I didn't make it... "That's your problem, man. You can't see what you've got, only what you've lost. Those guys are right. You are ""money""." +Then why won't she call...? Because you left, man. She's got her own world to deal with in New York. She was a sweet girl but fuck her. You gotta move on. You gotta let go of the past. The future is so beautiful. Every day is so sunny out here. It's like Manifest Destiny man. I mean, we made it. What's past is prologue. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. All that shit. You'll get over it. +Because you left, man. She's got her own world to deal with in New York. She was a sweet girl but fuck her. You gotta move on. You gotta let go of the past. The future is so beautiful. Every day is so sunny out here. It's like Manifest Destiny man. I mean, we made it. What's past is prologue. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. All that shit. You'll get over it. How did you get over it? I mean how long 'til it stopped hurting? +How did you get over it? I mean how long 'til it stopped hurting? Sometimes is still hurts. You know how it is, man. I mean, each day you think about it less and less. And then one day you wake up and you don't think of it at all, and you almost miss that feeling. It's kinda weird. You miss the pain because it was part of your life for so long. And the, boom, something reminds you of her, and you just smile that bittersweet smile. +You miss the pain? ...for the same reason you miss her. You lived with it so long. +...for the same reason you miss her. You lived with it so long. Wow. You wanna grab a bite? +Wow. You wanna grab a bite? Sure. +By the way, the guys back home said she put on some weight. You always know the right thing to say. +You little bitch! Hey Sue. Gretsky's on his ass again. +You should play another team. The Kings are bitches in this game. Hey, man. I took the Kings to the Cup. +It's kinda money, actually. Make someone bleed. +Make someone bleed. No, man, we're in the play-offs. +Pause it. Give me the money. I'll get it. +...which means no one will get there 'til ten. So, what? Eleven? +What's he do? He's trying to be an actor. +...How can you compare them? Tarantino totally bites everything from Scorsese... ...He's derivative... +Who threw this party, anyway? Damned if I know... +How's it going for you two? Not well. +Not well. Rejected? +Big butt... you know, can't fly coach. I can't believe you. +She was cute. She didn't like me... I made a fool of myself... +He's a bitch. He ain't gonna do nothing. You asshole. +You asshole. Why are you carrying a gun? What? In case someone steps to you, Snoop Dogg? Hey, man, you're not from here. You don't know how it is. I grew up in L.A... +Yeah. Here it's easier to avoid trouble. It's not like you like in Compton where bullets are whizzing by your head every day. Nobody's mugging you on no subway. In New York the trouble finds you. Out here you gotta go look for it... ...People get carjacked... +You live in such a fantasy world... What about you, Mikey? At least I got balls. You're always whining about some bitch who dumped you a year ago... +What about you, Mikey? At least I got balls. You're always whining about some bitch who dumped you a year ago... ...It was six months, and she didn't dump... +...It was six months, and she didn't dump... ...Whatever. You're like a whining little woman. Big deal. You got a fuckin' number. Whoopee! You'll fuck it up... +I'm so sorry, man. You were so right. I got rid of the gun What are they doing here? +What are they doing here? We ran into them that night at Roscoe's. Tee cleared it up, I apologized, bought them some chicken and waffles. They fuckin love Tee. That boy can talk. +But most important, man, I'm sorry about what I said. I was drunk... My adrenaline was going... Don't sweat it, man. I needed a kick in the ass. We're better friends for it. +Don't sweat it, man. I needed a kick in the ass. We're better friends for it. Thanks, man. I've been hating myself for the last two days. +Thanks, man. I've been hating myself for the last two days. Believe me, I know what that's like. Yo, Double Down! What time are we leaving? +Good for you, man. He's being smart. She's really special, guys. +Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message. Hi, Nikki. This is Mike. I met you tonight at the Dresden. I, uh, just called to say I, uh, I'm really glad we met and you should give me a call. So call me tomorrow, or, like, in two days, whatever. My number is 213- 555-4679... +Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message. Hi, Nikki. This is Mike, again. I just called because it sounded like your machine might've cut me off before I gave you my number, and also to say sorry for calling so late, but you were still there when I left the Dresden, so I knew I'd get your machine. Anyway, my number is... +Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message. 213-555-4679. That's all. I just wanted to leave my number. I don't want you to think I'm weird, or desperate or something... ...I mean, you know, we should just hang out. That's it. No expectations. Just, you know, hang out. Bye. +Hi. This is Nikki. Leaves a message. I just got out of a six-year relationship. Okay? That should help to explain why I'm acting so weird. It's not you. It's me. I just wanted to say that. Sorry. This is Mike. +Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message. Hi, Nikki. This is Mike again. Could you just call me when you get in? I'll be up for awhile, and I'd just rather talk to you in person instead of trying to squeeze it all... +Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message. Hi, Nikki. Mike. I don't think this is working out. I think you're great, but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. It's not you, really. It's me. It's only been six months... +Hi, Nikki. Mike. I don't think this is working out. I think you're great, but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. It's not you, really. It's me. It's only been six months... Mike? +Mike? Nikki! Great! Did you just walk in, or were you listening all along? +Nikki! Great! Did you just walk in, or were you listening all along? Don't call me ever again. +Don't call me ever again. Wow, I guess you were home... +There you two are. I walked around for an hour with that stupid martini on my tray. Sorry. We got knocked out pretty quickly. +Are you ready to order? "Coffee... Two coffees. It says ""Breakfast Any Time"", right?" +"Coffee... Two coffees. It says ""Breakfast Any Time"", right?" That's right. +That's right. "I'll have ""pancakes in the Age of Enlightenment""." +Excuse me. We're in a bit of a hurry. Hang on, Voltaire. +Hello? S'up Trent? +S'up Trent? Lemme get off the other line, baby. +That was Sue. We got two parties tonight. One's for a modeling agency. I don't know... +I don't know... Listen to me, baby, there are going to be beautiful babies there. +Listen to me, baby, there are going to be beautiful babies there. Trent, I don't feel like going out tonight. I got shit to do tomorrow... +Trent, I don't feel like going out tonight. I got shit to do tomorrow... Listen to you. I got an audition for a pilot at nine and I'm going. You gotta get out with some beautiful babies. You can't sit home thinking about her. +Listen to you. I got an audition for a pilot at nine and I'm going. You gotta get out with some beautiful babies. You can't sit home thinking about her. I don't know... +I don't know... I don't know, I don't know -- listen to you. We're gonna have fun tonight. We gotta get you out of that stuffy apartment. +I don't know, I don't know -- listen to you. We're gonna have fun tonight. We gotta get you out of that stuffy apartment. We're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this party and then leaving cause it sucks, then we're gonna look for this other party you heard about. But, Trent, all the parties and bars, they all suck. I spend half the night trying to talk to some girl who's eyes are darting around to see if there's someone else she should be talking to. And it's like I'm supposed to be all happy cause she's wearing a backpack. Half of them are nasty skanks who wouldn't be shit if they weren't surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. I'm not gonna be one of those assholes. It's fucking depressing. Some skank who isn't half the woman my girlfriend is is gonna front me? It makes me want to puke. +We're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this party and then leaving cause it sucks, then we're gonna look for this other party you heard about. But, Trent, all the parties and bars, they all suck. I spend half the night trying to talk to some girl who's eyes are darting around to see if there's someone else she should be talking to. And it's like I'm supposed to be all happy cause she's wearing a backpack. Half of them are nasty skanks who wouldn't be shit if they weren't surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. I'm not gonna be one of those assholes. It's fucking depressing. Some skank who isn't half the woman my girlfriend is is gonna front me? It makes me want to puke. You got it bad, baby. You need Vegas. +You got it bad, baby. You need Vegas. What are you talking about? Vegas? +What are you talking about? Vegas? VEGAS. +VEGAS. What Vegas? +What Vegas? We're going to Vegas. +We're going to Vegas. When? +When? Tonight, baby. +Tonight, baby. You're crazy. +You're crazy. I'll pick you up in a half an hour. +I'll pick you up in a half an hour. I'm not going to Vegas. +I'm not going to Vegas. Shut up -- yes you are. Now listen to Tee. We'll stop at a cash machine on the way. +I can't lose more than a hundred. Just bring your card. Half an hour. +Just bring your card. Half an hour. Wait. +Wait. What? +What? What are you wearing? I mean, we should wear suits. +What are you wearing? I mean, we should wear suits. Oh... Now Mikey wants to be a high roller. +Oh... Now Mikey wants to be a high roller. No, seriously, if you're dressed nice and you act like you gamble a lot, they give you free shit. +No, seriously, if you're dressed nice and you act like you gamble a lot, they give you free shit. Okay Bugsy. Twenty minutes. +Okay Bugsy. Twenty minutes. Wear a suit, I'm telling you it works. +Wear a suit, I'm telling you it works. Be downstairs. You're beautiful. +I took out three hundred, but I'm only gonna bet with one. I figure if we buy a lot of chips, the pit boss will see and they'll comp us all sorts of shit, then we trade back the chips at the end of the night. You gotta be cool though. I'm cool, baby. They're gonna give Daddy a room, some breakfast, maybe Bennett's singing. +I'm cool, baby. They're gonna give Daddy a room, some breakfast, maybe Bennett's singing. I'm serious. This is how you do it. I'm telling you. +I'm serious. This is how you do it. I'm telling you. I know. Daddy's gonna get the Rainman suite. Vegas, baby. We're going to Vegas! +I know. Daddy's gonna get the Rainman suite. Vegas, baby. We're going to Vegas! Vegas! You think we'll get there by midnight? +Vegas! You think we'll get there by midnight? Baby, we're gonna be up by five hundy by midnight. Vegas, baby! +Baby, we're gonna be up by five hundy by midnight. Vegas, baby! Vegas! +Vegas, baby! Vegas! +Vegas. Vegas. +Wake up, baby. Whu? +Whu? Look at it, baby. Vegas, baby! +Pirates of the fucking Caribbean. This is the hot new place, besides, you love pirates. Tell me Mikey doesn't love pirates. +This is the hot new place, besides, you love pirates. Tell me Mikey doesn't love pirates. This is fuckin' post-pubescent Disneyland. +This is fuckin' post-pubescent Disneyland. You gotta love the pirates, baby. The pirates are money. +This place is dead. I thought this was the city that never sleeps. That's New York, baby. You should know that. Look at the waitresses. I'm gonna get me a peg-leg baby. +That's New York, baby. You should know that. Look at the waitresses. I'm gonna get me a peg-leg baby. They're all skanks. +They're all skanks. Baby, there are beautiful babies here. +Baby, there are beautiful babies here. Tee, the beautiful babies don't work Wednesdays midnight to six. This is the skank shift. +Tee, the beautiful babies don't work Wednesdays midnight to six. This is the skank shift. What are you talking about? Look at all the honeys. +Cut that shit out. She smiled baby. +She smiled baby. That's not cool. +That's not cool. Did she, or did she not smile? +Did she, or did she not smile? It doesn't matter... +It doesn't matter... I'm telling you, they love that shit. +I'm telling you, they love that shit. You're gonna screw up our plan. +You're gonna screw up our plan. We're gonna get laid, baby. +We're gonna get laid, baby. First let's see what happens if we play it cool. +First let's see what happens if we play it cool. What? You think she's gonna tell her pit-boss on us? +What? You think she's gonna tell her pit-boss on us? Don't make fun, I think we can get some free shit if we don't fuck around. +Don't make fun, I think we can get some free shit if we don't fuck around. Who's fucking around? I'm not making fun. Let's do it, baby. +Who's fucking around? I'm not making fun. Let's do it, baby. The trick is to look like you don't need it, then they give you shit for free. +The trick is to look like you don't need it, then they give you shit for free. Well, you look money, baby. We both look money. +That's where we make our scene. You think they're watching? +You think they're watching? Oh, they're watching all right. They're watching. +Double down. What?!? +What?!? Double down, baby. You gotta double down on an eleven. +Double down, baby. You gotta double down on an eleven. I know, but... +I know, but... You gotta do it. +You gotta do it. ...but that's two hundred dollars. This is blood money... +...but that's two hundred dollars. This is blood money... If we don't look like we know what we're doing, then we may as well... +I'm telling you, baby, you always double down on an eleven. Yeah? Well obviously not always! +Yeah? Well obviously not always! Always, baby. +Always, baby. I'm just saying, not in this particular case. +I'm just saying, not in this particular case. Always. +Always. But I lost! How can you say always?!? +...Well, you know, not counting the first table. Thanks for clarifying that. +Thanks for clarifying that. Hey, man, I'm down too, you know. +Hey, man, I'm down too, you know. Yea, how much? +Yea, how much? I don't know, what? Thirty, Forty maybe. +I don't know, what? Thirty, Forty maybe. Don't give me that shit. You know exactly how much you lost. What'd you drop? +Don't give me that shit. You know exactly how much you lost. What'd you drop? Twenty... but I was down at least fifty. I'm sorry, I got hot at the crap table. +Twenty... but I was down at least fifty. I'm sorry, I got hot at the crap table. You won. There's nothing to be sorry about. You're a winner. I'm the fuckin loser. I should be sorry. +You won. There's nothing to be sorry about. You're a winner. I'm the fuckin loser. I should be sorry. Baby, don't talk like that, baby. +Baby, don't talk like that, baby. Let's just leave. +Let's just leave. Baby, you're money. You're the big winner. +Baby, you're money. You're the big winner. Let's go. +Let's go. Who's the big winner? +Mikey's the big winner. What an asshole. +What an asshole. Okay, Tee's the asshole, but Mikey's the big winner. +What an asshole. That was money. Tell me that wasn't money. +That was money. Tell me that wasn't money. That was so demeaning... +That was so demeaning... She smiled, baby. +She smiled, baby. I can't believe what an asshole you are. +I can't believe what an asshole you are. Did she, or did she not smile. +Did she, or did she not smile. She was smiling at what an asshole you are. +She was smiling at what an asshole you are. She was smiling at how money I am, baby. +She was smiling at how money I am, baby. Let's go. I'm not paying for a room, and if we don't leave now we'll never make it. +Let's go. I'm not paying for a room, and if we don't leave now we'll never make it. Leave? The honey-baby's bringing us some cocktails. +Leave? The honey-baby's bringing us some cocktails. What are you, nuts? You think she's coming back? +What are you, nuts? You think she's coming back? I know she's coming back. +I know she's coming back. I don't think so. +I don't think so. "Baby, did you hear her? ""You shouldn't leave without getting something for free."" She wants to party, baby." +"Baby, did you hear her? ""You shouldn't leave without getting something for free."" She wants to party, baby." You think so? +You think so? You gotta give Tee one thing. He's good with the ladies. +You gotta give Tee one thing. He's good with the ladies. I'm too tired for this. Let's just go. +I'm too tired for this. Let's just go. Baby, this is what we came for. We met a beautiful baby and she likes you. +Baby, this is what we came for. We met a beautiful baby and she likes you. She likes you. +She likes you. Whatever. We'll see. Daddy's gonna get her to bring a friend. We'll both get one. I don't care if I'm with her or one of her beautiful baby friends. +Whatever. We'll see. Daddy's gonna get her to bring a friend. We'll both get one. I don't care if I'm with her or one of her beautiful baby friends. I don't know... +I don't know... You gotta get that girl out of your head. It's time to move on. You're a stylish, successful, good looking cat. The ladies want to love you, you just gotta let them. +You gotta get that girl out of your head. It's time to move on. You're a stylish, successful, good looking cat. The ladies want to love you, you just gotta let them. That's bullshit. +That's bullshit. It's not. You're money. Any of these ladies would be lucky to pull a cat like you. +It's not. You're money. Any of these ladies would be lucky to pull a cat like you. It's just that I've been out of the game so long. Trent, I was with her for six years. That's before AIDS. I'm scared. I don't know how to talk to them, I don't know... +It's just that I've been out of the game so long. Trent, I was with her for six years. That's before AIDS. I'm scared. I don't know how to talk to them, I don't know... You can't think like that, baby. It's hard, I know. I've been there. Not for six years, but I know. You just gotta get back out there. +You can't think like that, baby. It's hard, I know. I've been there. Not for six years, but I know. You just gotta get back out there. It's just tough, after sleeping with someone you love for so long, to be with someone new... who doesn't know what I like... and you gotta wear a jimmy... +It's just tough, after sleeping with someone you love for so long, to be with someone new... who doesn't know what I like... and you gotta wear a jimmy... ...gotta... +...gotta... ...and then I'm struggling to impress some chick who's not half as classy as my girlfriend, who I'm not even really attracted to... +...and then I'm struggling to impress some chick who's not half as classy as my girlfriend, who I'm not even really attracted to... Oh fuck that. You don't have to try and impress anyone. You think I give a shit? You think I sweat that skanky whore waitress... +"That was so fuckin' money. It was like that ""Jedi mind"" shit." That's what I'm telling you, baby. The babies love that stuff. They don't want all that sensitive shit. You start talking to them about puppy dogs and ice cream. They know what you want. What do you think? You think they don't? +That's what I'm telling you, baby. The babies love that stuff. They don't want all that sensitive shit. You start talking to them about puppy dogs and ice cream. They know what you want. What do you think? You think they don't? I know. I know. +I know. I know. They know what you want, believe me. Pretending is just a waste of time. You're gonna take them there eventually anyway. Don't apologize for it. +They know what you want, believe me. Pretending is just a waste of time. You're gonna take them there eventually anyway. Don't apologize for it. I'm just trying to be a gentleman, show some respect... +I'm just trying to be a gentleman, show some respect... Respect, my ass. They respect honesty. You see how they dress when they go out? They want to be noticed. You're just showing them it's working. You gotta get off this respect kick, baby. There ain't nothing wrong with letting them now that you're money and that you want to party. +Nice, baby. I should've said Renaissance, right? It went over her head. +I should've said Renaissance, right? It went over her head. Baby, you did fine. +Baby, you did fine. """Age of Enlightenment"". Shit. Like some waitress in a Las Vegas coffee shop is going to get an obscure French philosophical reference. How demeaning. I may as well have just said ""Let me jump your ignorant bones.""..." +"""Age of Enlightenment"". Shit. Like some waitress in a Las Vegas coffee shop is going to get an obscure French philosophical reference. How demeaning. I may as well have just said ""Let me jump your ignorant bones.""..." ...Baby... +...Baby... "...It's just, I thought ""Renaissance"" was too Excaliber, it's the wrong casino. She would've gotten it, though..." +"...It's just, I thought ""Renaissance"" was too Excaliber, it's the wrong casino. She would've gotten it, though..." You did fine. Don't sweat her. We're meeting our honeys soon. You know Christy's friend is going to be money. +You did fine. Don't sweat her. We're meeting our honeys soon. You know Christy's friend is going to be money. I hope so. We gotta go soon. +I hope so. We gotta go soon. Baby, relax. It's just down the hall. She's gotta change... we'll be fine. +Baby, relax. It's just down the hall. She's gotta change... we'll be fine. We didn't do so bad after all. +We didn't do so bad after all. Baby, we're money. +"I'm Mike... and this is my friend ""Doubledown Trent""." Stop. Ladies, don't you double down on an eleven? +Whatever. Hello, Lisa. I'm Trent. What a lovely makeup job. +Oh... a Dorothy. Well... we're not in Kansas anymore. +What was the part? "Oh... ""I love you... I can't believe you're doing this... Drugs are bad..."" Whatever. After-School bullshit. The role is Brother." +"Oh... ""I love you... I can't believe you're doing this... Drugs are bad..."" Whatever. After-School bullshit. The role is Brother." """Big Brother"", ""Little Brother""?" +"""Big Brother"", ""Little Brother""?" "Wait... Wait... Just ""Brother"". So I go in. ""Hello... Hi... We loved your guest spot on Baywatch... blah blah blah..."" Whatever. So, I start to read, and, Mikey, I was money. I prepared for a week. It's a starring role. I'm crying... The casting director, she starts crying..." +"Wait... Wait... Just ""Brother"". So I go in. ""Hello... Hi... We loved your guest spot on Baywatch... blah blah blah..."" Whatever. So, I start to read, and, Mikey, I was money. I prepared for a week. It's a starring role. I'm crying... The casting director, she starts crying..." No! +No! Yes! +"Wait... She's crying. I finish. I hold up my finger like ""Wait a second"". They sit in silence for, like, at least five minutes. I look up and they all start clapping, and now they're all crying. Even the camera guy." No! Not the camera guy! +No! Not the camera guy! I'm telling you! +...So give me the fuckin part... "Right?... that I nailed it... Whatever. Then he says it's just that I'm a little old. I'm like ""How old is the Brother?"". He's like, he says this with a straight face, I swear to God, he says ""Eleven.""" +"Right?... that I nailed it... Whatever. Then he says it's just that I'm a little old. I'm like ""How old is the Brother?"". He's like, he says this with a straight face, I swear to God, he says ""Eleven.""" "So, what'd you say to him? ""Double down.""?" +No, man. I need to use the phone. What? +What? I gotta use the phone. +I gotta use the phone. Baby, you'll check them tomorrow. +Baby, you'll check them tomorrow. Please, Tee. I have to use the phone. Sorry, man. +Please, Tee. I have to use the phone. Sorry, man. Hold on. +She asked me what I was thinking about? What should I have done? Lie? You didn't have to get into it, baby. +You didn't have to get into it, baby. Sorry about interrupting... +Sorry about interrupting... Don't worry about me, baby. I just wanted you to have a good time. +Don't worry about me, baby. I just wanted you to have a good time. Christy was nice... +Christy was nice... I didn't even like her, to be honest. +I didn't even like her, to be honest. She was hot. +She was hot. She really didn't do it for me, baby. How'd you like Dorothy? +She really didn't do it for me, baby. How'd you like Dorothy? I don't know. The whole Judy Garland thing kind of turned me on. Does that makes me some kind of fag? +I don't know. The whole Judy Garland thing kind of turned me on. Does that makes me some kind of fag? No, baby. You're money. +No, baby. You're money. She didn't like me, anyway. +She didn't like me, anyway. She thought you were money. +She thought you were money. I don't think so. +I don't think so. I heard them talking. They both thought you were money. +I heard them talking. They both thought you were money. Yeah, a good friend. +Yeah, a good friend. Baby, you take yourself out of the game. You start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream, of course it's gonna be on the friend tip. +Baby, you take yourself out of the game. You start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream, of course it's gonna be on the friend tip. I just don't think she liked me in that way. +I just don't think she liked me in that way. Baby, you're so money you don't even know it. +Baby, you're so money you don't even know it. Tee, girls don't go for me the way they go for you. +Tee, girls don't go for me the way they go for you. Michelle went for you, right. +Michelle went for you, right. That was different. +That was different. How? +How? I was younger... It was college. You didn't go to college, you don't know what it's like. You screw chicks you have no business being with. They're young, they don't know any better. +I was younger... It was college. You didn't go to college, you don't know what it's like. You screw chicks you have no business being with. They're young, they don't know any better. That's just plain silly. Your self- esteem is just low because she's with someone else. But thinking about it and talking about it all the time is bad. It's no good, man. You gotta get out there. The ladies want to love you, baby. +That's just plain silly. Your self- esteem is just low because she's with someone else. But thinking about it and talking about it all the time is bad. It's no good, man. You gotta get out there. The ladies want to love you, baby. I just need some time... +I just need some time... Why? So you can beat yourself up? Sitting around in that stuffy apartment. It's just plain bad for you, man. It's depressing. You've come so far. Remember the first week? After she told you? You couldn't even eat. +Why? So you can beat yourself up? Sitting around in that stuffy apartment. It's just plain bad for you, man. It's depressing. You've come so far. Remember the first week? After she told you? You couldn't even eat. Don't remind me. +Don't remind me. You just sat around drinking orange juice. Now look at you. Look how far you've come in just a few months. You got that part in that movie... +You just sat around drinking orange juice. Now look at you. Look how far you've come in just a few months. You got that part in that movie... ...a day... +...a day... ...Whatever. It's work. You're doing what you love. What's she doing? +...Whatever. It's work. You're doing what you love. What's she doing? Selling scrap metal. +Selling scrap metal. See? And what does this guy she's with do? +See? And what does this guy she's with do? He drives a carriage. +He drives a carriage. What?!? +What?!? I hear he drives a carriage around Central Park or something. +I hear he drives a carriage around Central Park or something. "Please. And you're sweating him? You're ""all that"" and you're sweating some lawn jockey?" +"Please. And you're sweating him? You're ""all that"" and you're sweating some lawn jockey?" I hear she's getting real fat. +I hear she's getting real fat. Baby, she's the one who should be thinking about you. Sounds to me like you cut loose some dead weight. Trust me, Mikey, you're better off. +I wish the game still had fights so I could bitch-slap Wayne. This version doesn't have fighting? +This version doesn't have fighting? No. Doesn't that suck? +No. Doesn't that suck? What? That was the best part of the old game. +No. Yeah. +You guys are such assholes. Aww... He got away? +What time's this party tonight? It starts at eight... +Who? Rob? Yeah. You met him once. +Yeah. You met him once. "Yeah. He's a ""rounder""." +...the Copa, in New York... ...through the kitchen... +...Maybe. I mean you gotta hide all the lights... ...It looked money. +How you guys doing? It's on. +It's on. Which one? +Which one? Minnie Pearl. +What are you doing? What? +What? You looked right at her, baby. +You looked right at her, baby. She didn't notice. +I'm sorry. Don't sweat it, baby. This one's a lay-up. +Was I money? I don't know. It was kind of a dick move if you ask me. +I don't know. It was kind of a dick move if you ask me. Why, baby? What'd I do wrong? +Why, baby? What'd I do wrong? You asked her for her number, and then you tore it up. +You asked her for her number, and then you tore it up. She didn't see. +She didn't see. That doesn't matter. +We got the digits, baby. What a surprise. +What a surprise. What's wrong? I saw you talking to that beautiful blonde baby. +Please, don't mess with me right now... We're not messing with you... +You're not just, like, fucking with me? No, baby! +How long do I wait to call? A day. +A day. Tomorrow? +Tomorrow? No... +So, two days? Yeah. I guess you could call it that. +What the fuck..? "What an asshole. Didn't you see ""Boys in the Hood""? Now one of us is gonna get shot." +You were off your ass back there! Where the hell did you learn to do all that twirly whirly shit? I took a ballroom class with Michelle. I never danced with anyone but her, til tonight. That Lorraine chick is good. +I took a ballroom class with Michelle. I never danced with anyone but her, til tonight. That Lorraine chick is good. You were good. Did you see how she was vibing you? +It's not like that... Don't give me that! She liked you, man. +Don't give me that! She liked you, man. I know she liked me. I mean, it's not like I wanted to do anything with her tonight. +Guys... Guys... I got it under control. Oh. He's got it under control... +Bitch... You little bitch! Chelios to Roenick...! +Because he's a bitch. That's so bullshit. This is so bullshit. +...against the computer. They're a finesse team... +They're a finesse team... They're a bitch team... SCORE! Roenick! +They're a bitch team... SCORE! Roenick! Fuck!!! That is so bullshit! +I don't know. I guess kids were hitting each other or something. You could make their heads bleed, though. +You could make their heads bleed, though. Yeah... If you hit them hard their heads bleed all over the ice and their legs convulse. +Is he cute? Ask him if he wants to stay for a cocktail! ...Is he brown? +What a surprise... ...How novel. +Oh, it's on, baby... ...It's on. +Is she looking at me, baby? No. +No. Now? +Now? No. +No. Is she looking now? +Is she looking now? No! She's not looking at you. She hasn't looked at you once. Will you stop asking if... Wait, she just looked. +No! She's not looking at you. She hasn't looked at you once. Will you stop asking if... Wait, she just looked. See, baby? +Yes she did. Damn. Now I gotta go in early. +That was pretty cold, dude. What was cold about it? +It's on. You think? +You think? Baby, I know it is. It's a black diamond trail... +Baby, I know it is. It's a black diamond trail... ...double diamond... +...double diamond... ...but it's worth the risk. True or false: It's worth the risk. +...but it's worth the risk. True or false: It's worth the risk. True. +Baby, don't talk that way, baby... You are so money, and you don't even know it... +You are so money, and you don't even know it... That's what I keep trying to tell him. You're so money, you don't even know... +...we're not... You're like this big bear with claws and fangs... +You're like this big bear with claws and fangs... ...and big fuckin' teeth... +...and big fuckin' teeth... ...and teeth... And she's like this little bunny cowering in the corner... +...and teeth... And she's like this little bunny cowering in the corner... ...shivering... +...shivering... "...And you're just looking at your claws like ""How do I kill this bunny?""..." +"...And you're just looking at your claws like ""How do I kill this bunny?""..." ...You're just poking at it... +...You're just poking at it... ...Yeah. You're just gently batting it around... and the rabbit's all scared... +...Yeah. You're just gently batting it around... and the rabbit's all scared... ...and you got big claws and fangs... +...and you got big claws and fangs... "...and fangs... and you're like ""I don't know what to do. How do I kill this bunny?""..." +"...and fangs... and you're like ""I don't know what to do. How do I kill this bunny?""..." ...you're like a big bear. +...honestly... ...you're money... +...you're money... ...you're so fuckin mmmoney. +...you're so fuckin mmmoney. Now go over there and get those digits. +Now go over there and get those digits. You're money. +You're money. Now when you talk to her, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everyone's pulling for. I want you to be the guy in the rated R movie who you're not sure if you like. +...Tomorrow, then a day. ...Yeah. +Definitely. Two days. That's the industry standard... ...I used to wait two days. Now everyone waits two days. Three days is kinda money now, don't you think? +...I used to wait two days. Now everyone waits two days. Three days is kinda money now, don't you think? ...Yeah. But two's enough not to look anxious... +...Yeah. But two's enough not to look anxious... Yeah, but three days is kinda the money... +Laugh all you want, but if you call to soon you can scare off a nice baby who's ready to party. Don't listen to him. You call whenever it feels right to you. +You dick. What'd you want me to do? Back down? He called me a bitch. We kept our rep. +...Anaheim... ...Whatever. Things are different here. It's not like New York, Mikey. +...Oh, who would jack your fuckin K- car? He's right, Sue. You don't need no gat. Listen. Just because I was the only one with the balls to stand up to them... +Listen. Just because I was the only one with the balls to stand up to them... "...Oh yeah, like ""Cypress Hill"" was gonna do anything..." +...Sue... Have you gotten laid once since you moved here? Did you fuck once? +Have you gotten laid once since you moved here? Did you fuck once? ...Shut up, Sue... +...Shut up, Sue... I know for a fact you haven't, because you never shut up about it. You're like a little whiney bitch... +I know for a fact you haven't, because you never shut up about it. You're like a little whiney bitch... Sue! +It's on... ...it's on. +It's on. ...it's definitely on. +It is on. ...it is so on. +Sorry man. Yeah. You probably coulda hit that tonight if you didn't have to drive us home. +Yeah. You probably coulda hit that tonight if you didn't have to drive us home. ...Definitely... +The bear's got his claws back. Be smart about it. +Be smart about it. I'm telling you. Wait three days... +I'm telling you. Wait three days... You don't have to wait three days... +You don't have to wait three days... ...Okay, two... +...Okay, two... ...just be smart about it. +...Well, then, I guess we don't have to worry about him anymore. Our little baby's growing up... +...One fifty-nine, Two minutes. Two vodka martinis, straight up, shaken not stirred, very dry, easy on the water. +Two vodka martinis, straight up, shaken not stirred, very dry, easy on the water. Beautiful. What time are you off... ...Christy? +Beautiful. What time are you off... ...Christy? Six. +And you? I'll have the Blackbeard over easy. +I'll have the Blackbeard over easy. I'll be back with the coffee. +Yes, I understand. I'm listening. You owe the Don a service. In one hour, not before, perhaps later, he will be at your funeral parlor to ask for your help. Be there to greet him. If you have any objections speak now, and I'll inform him. +Anything...Anything the Godfather wishes. Good. He never doubted you. +Good. He never doubted you. The Don himself is coming to me tonight? +The Don himself is coming to me tonight? Yes. +This is Tom Hagen; I'm calling for Don Corleone, at his request. Yes, I understand I'm listening. +Yes, I understand I'm listening. You owe the Don a service. He has no doubt that you will repay it. +Bonasera, we know each other for years, but this is the first time you come to me for help. I don't remember the last time you invited me to your house for coffee...even though our wives are friends. What do you want of me? I'll give you anything you want, but do what I ask! +What do you want of me? I'll give you anything you want, but do what I ask! And what is that Bonasera? +No. You ask for too much. I ask for Justice. +I ask for Justice. The Court gave you justice. +The Court gave you justice. An eye for an eye! +An eye for an eye! But your daughter is still alive. +But your daughter is still alive. Then make them suffer as she suffers. How much shall I pay you. +You never think to protect yourself with real friends. You think it's enough to be an American. All right, the Police protects you, there are Courts of Law, so you don't need a friend like me. But now you come to me and say Don Corleone, you must give me justice. And you don't ask in respect or friendship. And you don't think to call me Godfather; instead you come to my house on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to do murder...for money. America has been good to me... +America has been good to me... Then take the justice from the judge, the bitter with the sweet, Bonasera. But if you come to me with your friendship, your loyalty, then your enemies become my enemies, and then, believe me, they would fear you... +Be my friend. Good. From me you'll get Justice. +Good. From me you'll get Justice. Godfather. +Godfather. Some day, and that day may never come, I would like to call upon you to do me a service in return. +What do you wish me to do? I want you to use all your powers, all your skill, as you love me. I do not want his mother to see him as he is. +Understood. I just wish I was doing more to help out. I'll come to you when I need you. +Jesus, Connie...Sure, Mike... Go back to your house and wait for me... +Godfather! You have to answer for Santino. +You fingered Sonny for the Barzini people. That little farce you played out with my sister. Did Barzini kid you that would fool a Corleone? I swear I'm innocent. I swear on the head of my children, I'm innocent. Mike, don't do this to me, please Mike, don't do this to me! +I swear I'm innocent. I swear on the head of my children, I'm innocent. Mike, don't do this to me, please Mike, don't do this to me! Barzini is dead. So is Philip Tattaglia, so are Strachi, Cuneo and Moe Greene...I want to square all the family accounts tonight. So don't tell me you're innocent; admit what you did. +Don't be frightened. Do you think I'd make my sister a widow? Do you think I'd make your children fatherless? After all, I'm Godfather to your son. No, your punishment is that you're out of the family business. I'm putting you on a plane to Vegas--and I want you to stay there. I'll send Connie an allowance, that's all. But don't keep saying you're innocent; it insults my intelligence and makes me angry. Who approached you, Tattaglia or Barzini? Barzini. +Barzini. Good, good. Leave now; there's a car waiting to take you to the airport. +What's the matter, Carlo? Shut up. +What was that? Your girl friend. She says she can't make it tonight. You lousy bastard you have the nerve to give your whores my telephone number. I'll kill you, you bastard! +You're staying home. You're not going out. OK, OK. You gonna make me something to eat at least? +The food is on the table. I'm not hungry yet. +I'm not hungry yet. Eat it, it's on the table. +Eat it, it's on the table. Ba Fa Goulle. +Ba Fa Goulle. BA FA GOULE YOU! +You filthy guinea spoiled brat. Clean it up or I'll kick your head in. Like hell I will. +You heard about your father? Yeah. +Yeah. The word is out in the streets that he's dead. +The word is out in the streets that he's dead. Where the hell was Paulie, why wasn't he with the Don? +Where the hell was Paulie, why wasn't he with the Don? Paulie's been a little sick all winter...he was home. +Paulie's been a little sick all winter...he was home. How many times did he stay home the last couple of months? +How many times did he stay home the last couple of months? Maybe three, four times. I always asked Freddie if he wanted another bodyguard, but he said no. Things have been so smooth the last ten years... +Maybe three, four times. I always asked Freddie if he wanted another bodyguard, but he said no. Things have been so smooth the last ten years... Go get Paulie, I don't care how sick he is. Pick him up yourself, and bring him to my father's house. +Go get Paulie, I don't care how sick he is. Pick him up yourself, and bring him to my father's house. That's all? Don't you want me to send some people over here? +That's all? Don't you want me to send some people over here? No, just you and Paulie. +Clemenza. You take care of Paulie. I don't ever want to see him again. Understood? Understood. +Understood. Okay, now you can move your men into the Mall, replace Tessio's people. Mike, tomorrow you take a couple of Clemenza's people and go to Luca's apartment and wait for him to show. That crazy bastard might be going after Sollozzo right now if he's heard the news. +You take care of Paulie? You won't see Paulie anymore. He's sick for good this winter. +Sollozzo knows Mike's a civilian. OK, but be careful. +I want somebody very good, very safe to plant that gun. I don't want my brother coming out of that toilet with just his dick in his hand. The gun will be there. +The gun will be there. You're on, kid...I'll square it with Mom your not seeing her before you left. And I'll get a message to your girl friend when I think the time is right. +You're on, kid...I'll square it with Mom your not seeing her before you left. And I'll get a message to your girl friend when I think the time is right. We gotta move... +Mostly it gives witnesses an excuse to change their identification when we make them see the light. Then you take a long vacation and we catch the hell. How bad will it be? +How bad will it be? Probably all the other families will line up against us. But, it's alright. These things have to happen once every ten years or so...gets rid of the bad blood. You gotta stop 'em at the beginning. Like they shoulda stopped Hitler at Munich, they shoulda never let him get away with that, they were just asking for big trouble... +We gotta fight sometime. Let us at least recruit our regimes to full strength. No, I don't want to give Barzini an excuse to start fighting. +He's going to be our lawyer in Vegas. Nobody goes to him with any other business as of now, this minute. No reflection on Tom; that's the way I want it. Besides, if I ever need any advice, who's a better Consigliere than my father. Then in a six month time we're on our own; is that it? +Then in a six month time we're on our own; is that it? Maybe less... +You look terrif on the floor! What are you, a dance judge? Go do your job; take a walk around the neighborhood... see everything is okay. +I tol' you to stay put, Paulie... The guy at the gate's outside...says there's a package... +Outside. Sure. +I'll think about it. Drive while you thinking; I wanna get to the City this month! +Good for ten men... OK, go to Arthur Avenue; I'm suppose to call when I found somethin'. +You think we'll go for that last place? Maybe, or you gotta know now. +Maybe, or you gotta know now. Holy cow, I don't gotta know nothing. +My business is heroin, I have poppy fields, laboratories in Narseilles and Sicily, ready to go into production. My importing methods are as safe as these things can be, about five per cent loss. The risk is nothing, the profits enormous. Why do you come to me? Why do I deserve your generosity? +Why do you come to me? Why do I deserve your generosity? I need two million dollars in cash...more important, I need a friend who has people in high places; a friend who can guarantee that if one of my employees be arrested, they would get only light sentences. Be my friend. +I need two million dollars in cash...more important, I need a friend who has people in high places; a friend who can guarantee that if one of my employees be arrested, they would get only light sentences. Be my friend. What percentages for my family? +What percentages for my family? Thirty per cent. In the first year your share would be four million dollars; then it would go up. +Thirty per cent. In the first year your share would be four million dollars; then it would go up. And what is the percentage of the Tattaglia family? +My compliments. I'll take care of them from my share. So. I receive 30 per cent just for finance and legal protection. No worries about operations, is that what you tell me? +So. I receive 30 per cent just for finance and legal protection. No worries about operations, is that what you tell me? If you think two million dollars in cash is just finance, I congratulate you Don Corleone. +No...how a man makes his living is none of my business. But this proposition of yours is too risky. All the people in my family lived well the last ten years, I won't risk that out of greed. Are you worried about security for your million? +Are you worried about security for your million? No. +No. The Tattaglias will guarantee your investment also. +I kept trying to call you after my divorce and Tom always said you were busy. When I got the Wedding invitation I knew you weren't sore at me anymore, Godfather. Can I do something for you still? You're not too rich, or too famous that I can't help you? +Can I do something for you still? You're not too rich, or too famous that I can't help you? I'm not rich anymore, Godfather, and...my career, I'm almost washed up... +All right, Hollywood...Now tell me about this Hollywood Pezzonovanta who won't let you work. He owns the studio. Just a month ago he bought the movie rights to this book, a best seller. And the main character is a guy just like me. I wouldn't even have to act, just be myself. +You take care of your family? Sure. +You look terrible. I want you to eat well, to rest. And spend time with your family. And then, at the end of the month, this big shot will give you the part you want. It's too late. All the contracts have been signed, they're almost ready to shoot. +It's too late. All the contracts have been signed, they're almost ready to shoot. I'll make him an offer he can't refuse. +Is it necessary? You understand him better than anyone. +I'm sure it's the most generous gift today. The Senator called--apologized for not coming personally, but said you'd understand. Also, some of the Judges...they've all sent gifts. And another call from Virgil Sollozzo. +He's his own boss, and very competent. And with prison record. +And with prison record. Two terms; one in Italy, one in the United States. He's known to the Government as a top narcotics man. That could be a plus for us; he could never get immunity to testify. +Two terms; one in Italy, one in the United States. He's known to the Government as a top narcotics man. That could be a plus for us; he could never get immunity to testify. When did he call? +When did he call? This morning. +This morning. On a day like this. Consiglero, do you also have in your notes the the Turk made his living from Prostitution before the war, like the Tattaglias do now. Write that down before you forget it. The Turk will wait. +It is Johnny. He came all the way from California to be at the wedding. Should I bring him in. +Should I bring him in. No. Let the people enjoy him. You see? He is a good godson. +No. Let the people enjoy him. You see? He is a good godson. It's been two years. He's probably in trouble again. +When does my daughter leave with her bridegroom? They'll cut the cake in a few minutes...leave right after that. Your new son-in-law, do we give him something important? +They'll cut the cake in a few minutes...leave right after that. Your new son-in-law, do we give him something important? No, give him a living. But never let him know the family's business. What else, Tom? +No, give him a living. But never let him know the family's business. What else, Tom? I've called the hospital; they've notified Consiglere Genco's family to come and wait. He won't last out the night. +What is this nonsense? It's from Johnny. It was announced this morning. He's going to play the lead in the new Woltz Brothers film. +My wife was weeping before she fell asleep, outside my window I saw my caporegimes to the house, and it is midnight. So, Consigliere of mine, I think you should tell your Don what everyone knows. I didn't tell Mama anything. I was about to come up and wake you and tell you. Just now. +I didn't tell Mama anything. I was about to come up and wake you and tell you. Just now. But you needed a drink first. +But you needed a drink first. Yes. +Yes. Now you've had your drink. +When I meet with Tattaglia's people; should I insist that all his drug middle-men be clean? Mention it, don't insist. Barzini is a man who will know that without being told. +Mention it, don't insist. Barzini is a man who will know that without being told. You mean Tattaglia. +You mean Tattaglia. Barzini. +Barzini. He was the one behind Sollozzo? +He was the one behind Sollozzo? Tattaglia is a pimp. He could never have outfought Santino. But I wasn't sure until this day. No, it was Barzini all along. +Tom, I never thought you were a bad Consigliere, I thought Santino a bad Don, rest in peace. He had a good heart but he wasn't the right man to head the family when I had my misfortune. Michael has all my confidence, as you do. For reasons which you can't know, you must have no part in what will happen. Maybe I can help. +Will your girl friend get back to the city all right? Tom said he'd take care of it. +What was this for? For bravery. +For bravery. And this? +And this? For killing a man. +For killing a man. What miracles you do for strangers. +What miracles you do for strangers. I fought for my country. It was my choice. +I fought for my country. It was my choice. And now, what do you choose to do? +And now, what do you choose to do? I'm going to finish school. +I'm going to finish school. Good. When you are finished, come and talk to me. I have hopes for you. +Have you thought about a wife? A family? No. +No. I understand, Michael. But you must make a family, you know. +I understand, Michael. But you must make a family, you know. I want children, I want a family. But I don't know when. +I want children, I want a family. But I don't know when. Accept what's happened, Michael. +Accept what's happened, Michael. I could accept everything that's happened; I could accept it, but that I never had a choice. From the time I was born, you had laid this all out for me. +I could accept everything that's happened; I could accept it, but that I never had a choice. From the time I was born, you had laid this all out for me. No, I wanted other things for you. +No, I wanted other things for you. You wanted me to be your son. +You wanted me to be your son. Yes, but sons who would be professors, scientists, musicians...and grandchildren who could be, who knows, a Governor, a President even, nothing's impossible here in America. +Yes, but sons who would be professors, scientists, musicians...and grandchildren who could be, who knows, a Governor, a President even, nothing's impossible here in America. Then why have I become a man like you? +Then why have I become a man like you? You are like me, we refuse to be fools, to be puppets dancing on a string pulled by other men. I hoped the time for guns and killing and massacres was over. That was my misfortune. That was your misfortune. I was hunted on the streets of Corleone when I was twelve years old because of who my father was. I had no choice. +You are like me, we refuse to be fools, to be puppets dancing on a string pulled by other men. I hoped the time for guns and killing and massacres was over. That was my misfortune. That was your misfortune. I was hunted on the streets of Corleone when I was twelve years old because of who my father was. I had no choice. A man has to choose what he will be. I believe that. +A man has to choose what he will be. I believe that. What else do you believe in? +I told you that it wouldn't escape his eye. How did you find out? +I see you have your Luca Brasi. I'll need him. +I'll need him. "There are men in this world who demand to be killed. They argue in gambling games; they jump out of their cars in a rage if someone so much as scratches their fender. These people wander through the streets calling out ""Kill me, kill me."" Luca Brasi was like that. And since he wasn't scared of death, and in fact, looked for it...I made him my weapon. Because I was the only person in the world that he truly hoped would not kill him. I think you have done the same with this man." +Barzini will move against you first. How? +How? He will get in touch with you through someone you absolutely trust. That person will arrange a meeting, guarantee your safety... +Your wife and children...you're happy with them? Yes. +Yes. Good. +...a fine boy from Sicily, captured by the American Army, and sent to New Jersey as a prisoner of war... Nazorine, my friend, tell me what I can do. +Nazorine, my friend, tell me what I can do. Now that the war is over, Enzo, this boy is being repatriated to Italy. And you see, Godfather... He...my daughter...they... +Now that the war is over, Enzo, this boy is being repatriated to Italy. And you see, Godfather... He...my daughter...they... You want him to stay in this country. +You want him to stay in this country. Godfather, you understand everything. +Godfather, you understand everything. Tom, what we need is an Act of Congress to allow Enzo to become a citizen. +Tom, what we need is an Act of Congress to allow Enzo to become a citizen. An Act of Congress! +Don Tommassino. Michael, why must you do this. We have been lucky so far, all these months you've been here we've kept your name a secret. It is from love for your father that I've asked you never to more than an hour from the Villa. +Michael, why must you do this. We have been lucky so far, all these months you've been here we've kept your name a secret. It is from love for your father that I've asked you never to more than an hour from the Villa. Calo and Fabrizzio are with me; nothing will happen. +Calo and Fabrizzio are with me; nothing will happen. You must understand that your Father's enemies have friends in Palermo. +You must understand that your Father's enemies have friends in Palermo. I know. +I know. Where are you going? +Where are you going? Corleone. +Corleone. There is nothing there. Not anymore. +There is nothing there. Not anymore. I was told that my Grandfather was murdered on its main street; and his murderers came to kill my father there when he was twelve years old. +I was told that my Grandfather was murdered on its main street; and his murderers came to kill my father there when he was twelve years old. Long ago. Now there is nothing: the men killed each other in family vendettas...the others escaped to America. +Long ago. Now there is nothing: the men killed each other in family vendettas...the others escaped to America. Don Tommassino...I should see this place. +That is your birthright...but Michael, use this car. No...I would like to walk to Corleone. +Things went badly in Palermo? The younger men have no respect. Things are changing; I don't know what will happen. Michael, because of the wedding, people now know your name. +The younger men have no respect. Things are changing; I don't know what will happen. Michael, because of the wedding, people now know your name. Is that why there are more men on the walls? +Is that why there are more men on the walls? Even so, I don't think it is safe here anymore. I've made plans to move you to a villa near Siracuse. You must go right away. +Even so, I don't think it is safe here anymore. I've made plans to move you to a villa near Siracuse. You must go right away. What is it? +What is it? Bad news from America. Your brother, Santino. He has been killed. +You tell us about America. How do you know I come from America? +How do you know I come from America? We hear. We were told you were a Pezzonovanta...big shot. +We hear. We were told you were a Pezzonovanta...big shot. Only the son of a Pezzonovanta. +Only the son of a Pezzonovanta. Hey America! Is she as rich as they say? +Hey America! Is she as rich as they say? Yes. +Yes. "Take me to America! You need a good lupara in America? You take me, I'll be the best man you got. ""Oh say, can you seeee...By da star early light...""" +Hey, beautiful girls! Shhhhh. +Get the car. I'll be leaving in ten minutes. Where's Calo? Calo is having a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Is your wife coming with you? +Calo is having a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Is your wife coming with you? No, she's going home to her family. She'll join me in a few weeks... +You had better bring a few bottles home with you, my friend; you'll need help sleeping tonight. This one could seduce the devil. A body! and eyes as big and black as olives. +This one could seduce the devil. A body! and eyes as big and black as olives. I know about what you mean! +I know about what you mean! This was a beauty. Right, Calo? +This was a beauty. Right, Calo? Beautiful all over, eh? +Beautiful all over, eh? And hair. Black and curly, like a doll. And such a mouth. +It's the real Thunderbolt, then. Come Sunday morning: My name is Vitelli and my house is up there on the hill, above the village. +Why didn't Moe Green meet us at the airport? He had business at the hotel, but he'll drop in for dinner. +You look wonderful, kid; really wonderful. That doctor did some job on your face. You look good, too. +Ever seen anything like that before? No. +Mike! The party starting! Come here a minute, Fredo. +Who are those girls? That's for you to find out. +That's for you to find out. Give them some money and send them home. +Give them some money and send them home. Mike! +Mike! Get rid of them... +Mike, you sure about Moe selling. He never mentioned it to me and he loves the business. I'll make him an offer he can't refuse. +Tom, you're the Consigliere; you can talk to the Don and advise him. The Don has semi-retired. I'm running the Family business now. So anything you have to say, say it to me. +The old man wants you; Johnny's here...he's got a problem. Okay. One minute. +Is the hospital covered? The cops have it locked in and I got my people there visiting Pop all the time. What about the hit list. +What about Luca? Sollozzo didn't seem worried about Luca. That worries me. If Luca sold out we're in real trouble. +If Luca sold out we're in real trouble. Has anyone been able to get in touch with him? +Has anyone been able to get in touch with him? No, and I've been calling all night. Maybe he's shacked up. +No, and I've been calling all night. Maybe he's shacked up. Luca never sleeps over with a broad. He always goes home when he's through. Mike, keep ringing Luca's number. +Tom, you're the Consigliere, what do we do if the old man dies? Without your father's political contacts and personal influence, the Corleone family loses half its strength. Without your father, the other New York families might wind up supporting Sollozzo, and the Tattaglias just to make sure there isn't a long destructive war. The old days are over, this is 1946; nobody wants bloodshed anymore. If your father dies...make the deal, Sonny. +Without your father's political contacts and personal influence, the Corleone family loses half its strength. Without your father, the other New York families might wind up supporting Sollozzo, and the Tattaglias just to make sure there isn't a long destructive war. The old days are over, this is 1946; nobody wants bloodshed anymore. If your father dies...make the deal, Sonny. That's easy to say; it's not your father. +That's easy to say; it's not your father. I was as good a son to him as you or Mike. +I was as good a son to him as you or Mike. Oh Christ Tom, I didn't mean it that way. +Oh Christ Tom, I didn't mean it that way. We're all tired... +We're all tired... OK, we sit tight until the old man can give us the lead. But Tom, I want you to stay inside the Mall. You too, Mike, no chances. Tessio, you hold your people in reserve, but have them nosing around the city. The hospital is yours; I want it tight, fool-proof, 24 hours a day. +Maybe Mike shouldn't get mixed up in this so directly. You know the old man doesn't want that. OK forget it, just stay on the phone. +Was there a definite proposal? Sure, he wants us to send Mike to meet him to hear his proposition. The promise is the deal will be so good we can't refuse. +Sure, he wants us to send Mike to meet him to hear his proposition. The promise is the deal will be so good we can't refuse. What about that Tattaglias? What will they do about Bruno? +What about that Tattaglias? What will they do about Bruno? Part of the deal: Bruno cancels out what they did to my father. +Part of the deal: Bruno cancels out what they did to my father. We should hear what they have to say. +We should hear what they have to say. No, no Consiglere. Not this time. No more meetings, no more discussions, no more Sollozzo tricks. Give them one message: I WANT SOLLOZZO. If not, it's all out war. We go to the mattresses and we put all the button men out on the street. +No, no Consiglere. Not this time. No more meetings, no more discussions, no more Sollozzo tricks. Give them one message: I WANT SOLLOZZO. If not, it's all out war. We go to the mattresses and we put all the button men out on the street. The other families won't sit still for all out war. +The other families won't sit still for all out war. Then THEY hand me Sollozzo. +Then THEY hand me Sollozzo. Come ON Sonny, your father wouldn't want to hear this. This is not a personal thing, this is Business. +Come ON Sonny, your father wouldn't want to hear this. This is not a personal thing, this is Business. And when they shot me father... +And when they shot me father... Yes, even the shooting of your father was business, not personal... +Yes, even the shooting of your father was business, not personal... No no, no more advice on how to patch it up Tom. You just help me win. Understood? +I found out about this Captain McCluskey who broke Mike's jaw. He's definitely on Sollozzo's payroll, and for big money. McCluskey's agreed to be the Turk's bodyguard. What you have to understand is that while Sollozzo is guarded like this, he's invulnerable. Nobody has ever gunned down a New York Police Captain. Never. It would be disastrous. All the five families would come after you Sonny; the Corleone family would be outcasts; even the old man's political protection would run for cover. So just...take that into consideration. McCluskey can't stay with the Turk forever. We'll wait. +One of Tattaglia's people? No. Our informer in McCluskey's precinct. Tonight at 8:00 he signed out for Louis' Restaurant in the Bronx. Anyone know it. +Jesus, I don't know... Can you do it Mike? +Pop, they hit us and we hit them back. We put out a lot of material through our contacts in the Newspapers...about McCluskey's being tied up with Sollozzo in the Drug Rackets...things are starting to loosen up. +We'll let the old man take it easy for a couple of weeks. I want to get things going good before he gets better. What's the matter with you? You start operating, the five families will start their raids again. We're at a stalemate Sonny, your war is costing us a lot of money. +You start operating, the five families will start their raids again. We're at a stalemate Sonny, your war is costing us a lot of money. No more stalemate Tom, we got the soldiers, we'll match them gun for gun if that's how they want it. They know me for what I am, Tom-- and they're scared of me. +No more stalemate Tom, we got the soldiers, we'll match them gun for gun if that's how they want it. They know me for what I am, Tom-- and they're scared of me. Yes. That's true, you're getting a hell of a reputation. +Yes. That's true, you're getting a hell of a reputation. Well it's war! We might not be in this shape if we had a real war- time Consiglere, a Sicilian. Pop had Genco, who do I have? Hey Tom, hey...hey. It's Sunday, we're gonna have dinner. Don't be sore. +Kay, we weren't expecting you. You should call... I've tried calling and writing. I want to reach Michael. +I've tried calling and writing. I want to reach Michael. Nobody knows where he is. We know he's all right, but that's all. +What was that? An accident. No one was hurt. +An accident. No one was hurt. Listen Tom, I let my cab go; can I come in to call another one? +Will you give this to him. If I accept that letter and you told a Court of Law I accepted it, they would interpret it as my having knowledge of his whereabouts. Just wait Kay, he'll contact you. +Will you give this letter to Michael. Mama, no. +Sonny was hot for my deal, right? You know it's the smart thing to do, too. I want you to talk Sonny into it. Sonny will come after you with everything he's got. +The Don was slipping; in the old days I could never have gotten to him. Now he's dead, nothing can bring him back. Talk to Sonny, talk to the Caporegimes, Clemenza and Tessio...it's good business. Even Sonny won't be able to call off Luca Brasi. +Even Sonny won't be able to call off Luca Brasi. I'll worry about Luca. You take care of Sonny and the other two kids. +I'll worry about Luca. You take care of Sonny and the other two kids. I'll try...It's what the Don would want us to do. +I'll try...It's what the Don would want us to do. Good...then you can go... I don't like violence. I'm a businessman, and blood is a big expense. +Mr. Corleone is Johnny's Godfather. That is very close, a very sacred religious relationship. Okay, but just tell him this is one favor I can't give. But he should try me again on anything else. +Okay, but just tell him this is one favor I can't give. But he should try me again on anything else. He never asks a second favor when he has been refused the first. Understood? +He never asks a second favor when he has been refused the first. Understood? You smooth son of a bitch, let me lay it on the line for you, and your boss. Johnny Fontane never gets that movie. I don't care how many Dago, Guinea, wop Greaseball Goombahs come out of the woodwork! +You smooth son of a bitch, let me lay it on the line for you, and your boss. Johnny Fontane never gets that movie. I don't care how many Dago, Guinea, wop Greaseball Goombahs come out of the woodwork! I'm German-Irish. +I'm German-Irish. Okay my Kraut-Mick friend, Johnny will never get that part because I hate that pinko punk and I'm going to run him out of the Movies. And I'll tell you why. He ruined one of Woltz Brothers' most valuable proteges. For five years I had this girl under training; singing lessons! Acting lessons! Dancing lessons! We spent hundreds of thousands of dollars--I was going to make her a star. I'll be even more frank, just to show you that I'm not a hard-hearted man, that it wasn't all dollars and cents. That girl was beautiful and young and innocent and she was the greatest piece of ass I've ever ad and I've had them all over the world. Then Johnny comes along with that olive oil voice and guinea charm and she runs off. She threw it all away to make me look ridiculous. A MAN IN MY POSITION CANNOT AFFORD TO BE MADE TO LOOK RIDICULOUS! +Hello Kay. Your father's inside, doing some business. He's been asking for you. Thanks Tom. +Sure. Anything I can do for you. No. I guess I'll see you Christmas. Everyone's going to be out at Long Beach, right? +No. I guess I'll see you Christmas. Everyone's going to be out at Long Beach, right? Right. +What about McCluskey? Let's say now that we have to kill McCluskey. We'll clear that up through our Newspaper contacts later. +Mike, why are you cutting me out of the action? Tom, we're going to be legitimate all the way, and you're the legal man. What could be more important than that. +Tom, we're going to be legitimate all the way, and you're the legal man. What could be more important than that. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about Rocco Lampone building a secret regime. Why does Neri report directly to you, rather than through me or a caporegime? +Bookkeepers know everything. Rocco's men are all a little too good for the jobs they're supposed to be doing. They get a little more money than the job's worth. Lampone's a good man; he's operating perfectly. Not so perfectly if you noticed. +Not so perfectly if you noticed. Mike, why am I out? +Mike, why am I out? You're not a wartime Consigliere. Things may get tough with the move we're trying. +You're not a wartime Consigliere. Things may get tough with the move we're trying. OK, but then I agree with Tessio. You're going about it all wrong; you're making the move out of weakness... Barzini's a wolf, and if he tears you apart, the other families won't come running to help the Corleones... +Christ, Tom; I needed more time with him. I really needed him. Did he give you his politicians? +Did he give you his politicians? Not all...I needed another four months and I would have had them all. I guess you've figured it all out? +Not all...I needed another four months and I would have had them all. I guess you've figured it all out? How will they come at you? +How will they come at you? I know now. I'll make them call me Don. +I know now. I'll make them call me Don. Have you agreed on a meeting? +Have you agreed on a meeting? A week from tonight. In Brooklyn on Tessio's ground, where I'll be safe. +I've never seen anything like it. I told you I had a lot of relatives. +Michael, what are those men doing? They're waiting to see my father. +They're waiting to see my father. They're talking to themselves. +They're talking to themselves. They're going to talk to my father, which means they're going to ask him for something, which means they better get it right. +They're going to talk to my father, which means they're going to ask him for something, which means they better get it right. Why do they bother him on a day like this? +Why do they bother him on a day like this? Because they know that no Sicilian will refuse a request on his daughter's wedding day. +No. His name is Luca Brasi. You wouldn't like him. Who is he? +Who is he? You really want to know? +You really want to know? Yes. Tell me. +Yes. Tell me. You like spaghetti? +You like spaghetti? You know I love spaghetti. +You know I love spaghetti. Then eat your spaghetti and I'll tell you a Luca Brasi story. +Once upon a time, about fifteen years ago some people wanted to take over my father's olive oil business. They had Al Capone send some men in from Chicago to kill my father, and they almost did. Al Capone! +Al Capone! My Father sent Luca Brasi after them. He tied the two Capone men hand and foot, and stuffed small bath towels into their mouths. Then he took an ax, and chopped one man's feet off... +My Father sent Luca Brasi after them. He tied the two Capone men hand and foot, and stuffed small bath towels into their mouths. Then he took an ax, and chopped one man's feet off... Michael... +Michael... Then the legs at the knees... +Then the legs at the knees... Michael you're trying to scare me... +Michael you're trying to scare me... Then the thighs where they joined the torso. +Then the thighs where they joined the torso. Michael, I don't want to hear anymore... +Michael, I don't want to hear anymore... Then Luca turned to the other man... +Then Luca turned to the other man... Michael, I love you. +Michael, I love you. ...who out of sheer terror had swallowed the bath towel in his mouth and suffocated. +I never know when you're telling me the truth. I told you you wouldn't like him. +I told you you wouldn't like him. He's coming over here! +Tom...Tom, I'd like you to meet Kay Adams. How do you do. +How do you do. My brother, Tom Hagen. +If he's your brother, why does he have a different name? My brother Sonny found him living in the streets when he was a kid, so my father took him in. He's a good lawyer. +I didn't know your family knew Johnny Fontane. Sure. +Sure. I used to come down to New York whenever he sang at the Capitol and scream my head off. +I used to come down to New York whenever he sang at the Capitol and scream my head off. He's my father's godson; he owes him his whole career. +We have something for your mother, for Sonny, we have the tie for Fredo and Tom Hagen gets the Reynolds pen... And what do you want for Christmas? +And what do you want for Christmas? Just you. +What will your father say? As long as I tell him beforehand he won't object. He'll be hurt, but he won't object. +As long as I tell him beforehand he won't object. He'll be hurt, but he won't object. What time do they expect us? +What time do they expect us? For dinner. Unless I call and tell them we're still in New Hampshire. +For dinner. Unless I call and tell them we're still in New Hampshire. Michael. +Michael. Then we can have dinner, see a show, and spend one more night. +Michael, what are you doing? Shhh, you be the long distance operator. Here. +Shhh, you be the long distance operator. Here. Hello...this is Long Distance. I have a call from New Hampshire. Mr. Michael Corleone. One moment please. +Would you like me better if I were a nun? No. +No. Would you like me better if I were Ingrid Bergman? +Michael? I'm thinking about it. +I'm thinking about it. Michael... +Michael... No, I would not like you better if you were Ingrid Bergman. +Hello. Kay? How is your father? +How is your father? He'll be OK. +He'll be OK. I love you. +I LOVE YOU. Yeah Kay, I'm here. +Yeah Kay, I'm here. Can you say it? +Can you say it? Huh? +Huh? Tell me you love me. +I can't... Please say it. +Please say it. Look. I'll see you tonight, OK? +Look. I'll see you tonight, OK? OK. +Visiting hour ends at eight thirty. I'll just sit with him; I want to show respect. Can I go to the hospital with you? +Can I go to the hospital with you? I don't think so. You don't want to end up on page 3 of the Daily News. +I don't think so. You don't want to end up on page 3 of the Daily News. My parents don't read the Daily News. All right, if you think I shouldn't. I can't believe the things the papers are printing. I'm sure most of it's not true. +My parents don't read the Daily News. All right, if you think I shouldn't. I can't believe the things the papers are printing. I'm sure most of it's not true. I don't think so either. I better go. +I don't think so either. I better go. When will I see you again? +When will I see you again? I want you to go back to New Hampshire...think things over. +When will I see you again? Goodbye. +I have to see my father and his people when we get back to the Mall. Oh Michael. +Oh Michael. We'll go to the show tomorrow night--we can change the tickets. +We'll go to the show tomorrow night--we can change the tickets. Don't you want dinner first? +Don't you want dinner first? No, you eat...don't wait up for me. +No, you eat...don't wait up for me. Wake me up when you come to bed? +Your sister wants to ask you something. Let HER ask. +Why are you so cold to her and Carlo? They live with us on the Mall now, but you never get close to them. I'm busy. +I'm busy. Connie and Carlo want you to be godfather to their little boy. +Will you? Let me think about it, O.K.? +Michael, it's not true. Please tell me. Don't ask me. +Don't ask me. Tell me! +Tell me! All right, this one time I'll let you ask about my affairs, one last time. +All right, this one time I'll let you ask about my affairs, one last time. Is it true? +I'm Michael Corleone--this is my father. What happened to the detectives who were guarding him? Oh your father just had too many visitors. It interfered with the hospital service. The police came and made them all leave just ten minutes ago. But don't worry. I look in on him. +Oh your father just had too many visitors. It interfered with the hospital service. The police came and made them all leave just ten minutes ago. But don't worry. I look in on him. You just stand here one minute... +You cannot stay here...I'm sorry. You and I are going to move my father right now...to another room on another floor...Can you disconnect those tubes so we can wheel the bed out? +You and I are going to move my father right now...to another room on another floor...Can you disconnect those tubes so we can wheel the bed out? Absolutely not! We have to get permission from the Doctor. +Absolutely not! We have to get permission from the Doctor. You've read about my father in the papers. You've seen that no one's here to guard him. Now I've just gotten word that men are coming to this hospital to kill him. Believe me and help me. +You've read about my father in the papers. You've seen that no one's here to guard him. Now I've just gotten word that men are coming to this hospital to kill him. Believe me and help me. We don't have to disconnect them, we can wheel the stand with the bed. +I was worried when we couldn't get in touch with you in that hick town. How's Mom? +How's Mom? Good. She's been through it before. Me too. You were too young to know about it. You better wait outside; there're some things you shouldn't hear. +Good. She's been through it before. Me too. You were too young to know about it. You better wait outside; there're some things you shouldn't hear. I can help you out... +I can help you out... Oh no you can't, the old man'd be sore as hell if I let you get mixed up in this. +Oh no you can't, the old man'd be sore as hell if I let you get mixed up in this. Jesus Christ, he's my father, Sonny. +Jesus Christ, he's my father, Sonny. Theresa. +All right, Mikey...who do we have to hit, Clemenza or Paulie? What? +What? One of them fingered the old man. +Clemenza? No, I don't believe it. You're right, kid, Clemenza is okay. It was Paulie. +You're right, kid, Clemenza is okay. It was Paulie. How can you be sure? +How can you be sure? On the three days Paulie was sick this month, he got calls from a payphone across from the old man's building. We got people in the phone company. Thank God it was Paulie...we'll need Clemenza bad. +Is it going to be all-out war, like last time? Until the old man tells me different. +Until the old man tells me different. Then wait, Sonny. Talk to Pop. +Then wait, Sonny. Talk to Pop. Sollozzo is a dead man, I don't care what it costs. I don't care if we have to fight all the five families in New York. The Tattaglia family's going to eat dirt. I don't care if we all go down together. +Sollozzo is a dead man, I don't care what it costs. I don't care if we have to fight all the five families in New York. The Tattaglia family's going to eat dirt. I don't care if we all go down together. That's not how Pop would have played it. +That's not how Pop would have played it. I know I'm not the man he was. But I'll tell you this and he'll tell you too. When it comes to real action, I can operate as good as anybody short range. +I know I'm not the man he was. But I'll tell you this and he'll tell you too. When it comes to real action, I can operate as good as anybody short range. All right, Sonny. All right. +All right, Sonny. All right. Christ, if I could only contact Luca. +Christ, if I could only contact Luca. Is it like they say? Is he that good? +Where are you going? To the city. +To the city. Send some bodyguards. +Send some bodyguards. I don't need them, Sonny. I'm just going to see Pop in the hospital. Also, I got other things. +Sonny...Sonny--Jesus Christ, I'm down at the hospital. I came down late. There's no one here. None of Tessio's people--no detectives, no one. The old man is completely unprotected. All right, get him in a different room; lock the door from the inside. I'll have some men there inside of fifteen minutes. Sit tight, and don't panic. +All right, get him in a different room; lock the door from the inside. I'll have some men there inside of fifteen minutes. Sit tight, and don't panic. I won't panic. +Mikey, you look beautiful! Cut it out. +Cut it out. The Turk wants to talk! The nerve of that son of a bitch! After he craps out last night he wants a meet. +We can't wait. No matter what Sollozzo say about a deal, he's figuring out how to kill Pop. You have to get Sollozzo now. The kid's right. +Go on Mike. They want me to go to the conference with Sollozzo. Set up the meeting for two days from now. Sonny, get our informers to find out where the meeting will be held. Insist it has to be a public place: a bar or restaurant at the height of the dinner hour. So I'll feel safe. They'll check me when I meet them so I won't be able to carry a weapon; but Clemenza, figure out a way to have one planted there for me. Then I'll kill them both. +Why don't you stop living like a bum and get this place cleaned up. What are you, inspecting the barracks? You ready? Did Clemenza tell you be sure to drop the gun right away? +What are you, inspecting the barracks? You ready? Did Clemenza tell you be sure to drop the gun right away? A million times. +A million times. Sollozzo and McCluskey are going to pick you up in an hour and a half on Times Square, under the big Camels sign. +O.K. How long do you think before I can come back? Probably a year... +I'm glad you came, Mike. I hope we can straighten everything out. All this is terrible, it's not the way I wanted things to happen at all. It should never have happened. I want to settle things tonight. I want my father left alone. +I want to settle things tonight. I want my father left alone. He won't be; I swear to you be my children he won't be. Just keep an open mind when we talk. I hope you're not a hothead like your brother, Sonny. It's impossible to talk business with him. +We're going to New Jersey? Maybe. +Most important...I want a sure guarantee that no more attempts will be made on my father's life. What guarantees can I give you? I am the hunted one. I've missed my chance. You think too highly of me, my friend...I am not so clever...all I want if a truce... +What is it? Is it all right if I go to the bathroom? +Do you pledge to guide and protect this child if he is left fatherless? Do you promise to shield him against the wickedness of the world? Yes, I promise. +Do you renounce Satan. I do renounce him. +I do renounce him. And all his works? +And all his works? I do renounce them. +Do you wish to be baptized? I do wish to be baptized. +Barzini's people chisel my territory and we do nothing about it. Pretty soon there won't be one place in Brooklyn I can hang my hat. Just be patient. +Just be patient. I'm not asking you for help, Mike. Just take off the handcuffs. +I'm not asking you for help, Mike. Just take off the handcuffs. Be patient. +Let us fill up our Regimes. No. I want things very calm for another six months. +No. I want things very calm for another six months. Forgive me, Godfather, let our years of friendship be my excuse. How can you hope for success there without your strength here to back you up? The two go hand in hand. And with you gone from here the Barzini and the Tattaglias will be too strong for us. +Barzini wants to arrange a meeting. Says we can straighten any of our problems out. He talked to you? +He talked to you? I can arrange security. +Mike, good to see you. Got everything you want? Thanks. +Thanks. The chef cooked for you special; the dancers will kick your tongue out and you credit is good! Draw chips for all these people so they can play on the house. +The chef cooked for you special; the dancers will kick your tongue out and you credit is good! Draw chips for all these people so they can play on the house. Is my credit good enough to buy you out? +Buy me out?... The hotel, the casino. The Corleone family wants to buy you out. +The Corleone family wants to buy me out. I buy you out. You don't buy me out. Your casino loses money. Maybe we can do better. +Your casino loses money. Maybe we can do better. You think I scam? +You think I scam? You're unlucky. +You're unlucky. You goddamn dagos. I do you a favor and take Freddie in when you're having a bad time, and then you try to push me out. +You goddamn dagos. I do you a favor and take Freddie in when you're having a bad time, and then you try to push me out. You took Freddie in because the Corleone family bankrolled your casino. You and the Corleone family are evened out. This is for business; name your price. +You took Freddie in because the Corleone family bankrolled your casino. You and the Corleone family are evened out. This is for business; name your price. The Corleone family don't have that kind of muscle anymore. The Godfather is sick. You're getting chased out of New York by Barzini and the other families, and you think you can find easier pickings here. I've talked to Barzini; I can make a deal with him and keep my hotel! +The Corleone family don't have that kind of muscle anymore. The Godfather is sick. You're getting chased out of New York by Barzini and the other families, and you think you can find easier pickings here. I've talked to Barzini; I can make a deal with him and keep my hotel! Is that why you thought you could slap Freddie around in public? +You straightened my brother out? Hell, he was banging cocktail waitresses two at a time. Players couldn't get a drink. +I have to go back to New York tomorrow. Think of your price. You son of a bitch, you think you can brush me off like that? I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders. +Yeah. Do you recognize my voice? +Do you recognize my voice? I think so. Detective squad? +I think so. Detective squad? Right. Don't say my name, just listen. Somebody shot your father outside his place fifteen minutes ago. +Right. Don't say my name, just listen. Somebody shot your father outside his place fifteen minutes ago. Is he alive? +Is he alive? I think so, but I can't get close enough. There's a lot of blood. I'll try to find out more. +I think so, but I can't get close enough. There's a lot of blood. I'll try to find out more. Find out anything you can...you got a Grand coming. +How do you do. What are you doing in Mongi? +You should come and have lunch with us, before you go -- Dickie? Sure. Any time. +Sure. Any time. And be careful in the sun. Your gray's in danger of turning a little pink. +Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know, I'm late, I'm a swine. Did you forget where I live? It's four o'clock. +Did you forget where I live? It's four o'clock. I just woke up. I'm sorry. +I just woke up. I'm sorry. You just woke up! +You just woke up! Fausto and I -- we took the boat out, we were fishing, and then it was dawn and we'd caught absolutely nothing. +Fausto and I -- we took the boat out, we were fishing, and then it was dawn and we'd caught absolutely nothing. Well, we ate everything without you. +Well, we ate everything without you. We? +We? Yes, Tom Ripley's here. +Tom was telling me about his trip over. Made me laugh so much I got a nosebleed. Is that good? +Is that good? Shut up! +I'll do it. I make a fabulous martini. Everybody should have one talent. What's yours? +What? What? Meet my father, Herbert Richard Greenleaf 1st. +Uncanny! I don't get it. +Hi Tom. Marge, Ripley's saying goodbye. +Marge, Ripley's saying goodbye. I'll come down. +I'll come down. Did you speak to my father? +Okay, we're going to Naples. There's a club, it's not a club, it's a cellar. It's vile. +It's vile. Yes, it's vile. Don't worry, you don't have to come. It's great. You're going to love it. +It'll just be for a little while. He can be... he makes me laugh. Okay, darling. +Okay, darling. You'd say if you mind? +You'd say if you mind? No, I like him. +No, I like him. Marge, you like everybody. +Marge, you like everybody. I don't like you. +I don't like you. Then I'll go to your place and you can move in with Tom. +Now you know why Miss Sherwood always shows up for breakfast. It's not love it's the coffee machine. It's the one task Dickie can do on his own -- make coffee. +It's the one task Dickie can do on his own -- make coffee. Shut up. +Shut up. Oh darling -- is that for me? +Oh darling -- is that for me? No it's for Tom as he didn't complain. +I had to promise, capital P, never to take it off -- otherwise I'd give it to you. Bastard! Isn't it great, Tom? I found it in Naples. I bargained for about two weeks. +Bastard! Isn't it great, Tom? I found it in Naples. I bargained for about two weeks. I hope it wasn't cheap. +I hope it wasn't cheap. Oh, it was. +Dubious but special honor, Tom -- crewing Dickie's boat. Alright, bar's open. Yes please! +If you're not at my place by 7.00, Tom and I are running off together. Okay. +He's drowning me! It's always the same whenever someone new comes into his life -- Freddie, Fausto, Peter Smith-Kingsley -- he's wonderful -- did you meet him, he's a musician? -- ...and especially you, of course... and that's only the boys. +Well, she was already dead, darling, wasn't she, so I suppose -- I don't know why people say this country's civilised. It isn't. It's fucking primitive. +Who's this? It's Tom. Tom Ripley. We were at Princeton together. +It's Tom. Tom Ripley. We were at Princeton together. Okay. And did we know each other? +Okay. And did we know each other? Well, I knew you, so I suppose you must have known me. +Well, I knew you, so I suppose you must have known me. Princeton is like a fog, America's like a fog. This is Marge Sherwood. Tom -- sorry, what was it? +Princeton is like a fog, America's like a fog. This is Marge Sherwood. Tom -- sorry, what was it? Ripley. Hullo. How do you do. +Nothing. Nothing much. Passing through. Passing through! You're so white. Did you ever see a guy so white, Marge? Gray, actually. +Passing through! You're so white. Did you ever see a guy so white, Marge? Gray, actually. It's just an undercoat. +It's just an undercoat. Say again? +Say again? You know, a primer. +You know, a primer. That's funny. +Who? Oh, Tom, hello, how are you? We thought you'd disappeared. We were going to send out a search party. No, still here. +I'm intruding. Can you mix a martini? +Can you mix a martini? Sure. +Forging signatures. Telling lies. Impersonating practically anybody. That's three. Nobody should have more than one talent. Okay, do an impression. +That's three. Nobody should have more than one talent. Okay, do an impression. Now? Okay. Wait a minute. Talent -- The only talent my son has is for cashing his allowance. +Now? Okay. Wait a minute. Talent -- The only talent my son has is for cashing his allowance. What? What's this? +What? What's this? I like to sail, believe me, I love to sail! Instead I make boats and other people sail them. +I like to sail, believe me, I love to sail! Instead I make boats and other people sail them. Stop! It's too much! You're making all the hairs on my neck stand up! +Stop! It's too much! You're making all the hairs on my neck stand up! Jazz, let's face it, it's just an insolent noise. +Jazz, let's face it, it's just an insolent noise. I feel like he's here. Horrible. Like the old bastard is here right now! That's brilliant! How do you know him? +I feel like he's here. Horrible. Like the old bastard is here right now! That's brilliant! How do you know him? I met him in New York. +I met him in New York. Marge! You've got to hear this! +Could you ever conceive of going there, Tom, and bringing him back? What? +What? I'd pay you. If you would go to Italy and persuade my son to come home. I'd pay you $1000. +I'm never going back! No, I think your mother, her illness -- +No, I think your mother, her illness -- It's got nothing to do with my mother! She's had leukemia for -- ! This is what makes me boil about him! HE wants me back! -- it's got nothing to do with my mother. +It's got nothing to do with my mother! She's had leukemia for -- ! This is what makes me boil about him! HE wants me back! -- it's got nothing to do with my mother. I don't know, Dickie, I'm just telling you what I -- +I don't know, Dickie, I'm just telling you what I -- Go back! Go back to New York or call him if you can find a telephone that works, and tell him wild horses wouldn't drag me back to him or his shipyard. +You like jazz! I love jazz. +I love jazz. This is the best. Marge says she likes jazz, but she things Glenn Miller is jazz. +Bird! Ask me the name of my sailboat -- I don't know. What's the name of your sailboat? +I don't know. What's the name of your sailboat? Bird! +Good afternoon! What time is it? Oh God! Do you always type your letters? That should be two Ts. +What time is it? Oh God! Do you always type your letters? That should be two Ts. I can't write and I can't spell. That's the privilege of a first-class education. You're upstairs at the back. I think Ermelinda made the bed up. +I can't write and I can't spell. That's the privilege of a first-class education. You're upstairs at the back. I think Ermelinda made the bed up. This is so good of you. +This is so good of you. Don't say it again. Now you're a Double Agent and we're going to string my Dad along, I was thinking we might buy a little car with the expense money he's sending you. What do you think, Marge... a little Cinquecento with my Dad's money? +You're a dark horse, Ripley. Engaged? Your parents met her. +Your parents met her. Oh God -- I can just imagine -- if only Dickie would settle down... doesn't every parent deserve a grandchild? Never! I swear on your ring, Marge. I am never going back. +I'm doing this wrong, aren't I? You're doing great. We'll make a sailor of you yet. You're doing really well. +Could we sail to Venice? Sure. I love Venice. +Sure. I love Venice. I have to go to Venice. +I have to go to Venice. See Venice and die, isn't that right? Or is it Rome? You do something and die, don't you? Okay, Venice is on the list. +See Venice and die, isn't that right? Or is it Rome? You do something and die, don't you? Okay, Venice is on the list. And Rome. +And Rome. Do you ski? Don't tell me -- you're a lost cause! That's the next thing to deal with. We're planning to go to Cortina at Christmas. Excellent skiing. Excellent. Marge -- Ripley can't ski. We'll have to teach him that, too. Have you ever known such low class? +You're breaking my ribs! What? +What? You're breaking my ribs! +I could fuck this icebox I love it so much. What were you actually doing in New York? I played piano in a few places. +I played piano in a few places. That's one job, you told me a lot of jobs. +That's one job, you told me a lot of jobs. A few places -- that's a few jobs. Anyway, I don't want to think about New York. +A few places -- that's a few jobs. Anyway, I don't want to think about New York. The mysterious Mr Ripley. Marge and I spend hours speculating. Cold beer. Thank you Dad. +The mysterious Mr Ripley. Marge and I spend hours speculating. Cold beer. Thank you Dad. Copy out from here... +I love the fact you brought Shakespeare with you and no clothes. Ermelinda says you wash the same shirt out every night. Is that true? No! I've got more than one shirt! +No! I've got more than one shirt! She can do that stuff for you. Anyway, just wear some of my things, wear anything you want, most of it's ancient. +She can do that stuff for you. Anyway, just wear some of my things, wear anything you want, most of it's ancient. "Now your signature. Not ""Dickie"". Your signature." +Without the glasses you're not even ugly. I don't need them because I never read. How do I look. Like Clark Kent. Now Superman. +I know. I write like a child. Pretty vile. See this: The S and the T, do you see? -- fine, vulnerable -- that's pain, that's secret pain. +Pretty vile. See this: The S and the T, do you see? -- fine, vulnerable -- that's pain, that's secret pain. It must be a deep secret, cause I don't know about it. +It must be a deep secret, cause I don't know about it. Your handwriting -- nothing more naked. See -- nothing's quite touching the line -- that's vanity. +Your handwriting -- nothing more naked. See -- nothing's quite touching the line -- that's vanity. Well we certainly know that's true. +Do you have any brothers? No, no brothers, no sisters. +No, no brothers, no sisters. Me neither. Nor does Marge. All only children -- what does that mean? +Means we never shared a bath. I'm cold. Can I get in? No! +No! I didn't mean with you in it. +I didn't mean with you in it. Okay, you get in. I'm like a prune anyway. +What does he say? He's getting impatient. He wants me to reassure him you'll be home by Thanksgiving. +He's getting impatient. He wants me to reassure him you'll be home by Thanksgiving. You've got to get a new jacket. Really. You must be sick of the same clothes. I'm sick of seeing you in them. +You've got to get a new jacket. Really. You must be sick of the same clothes. I'm sick of seeing you in them. I can't. I can't keep spending your father's money. +I can't. I can't keep spending your father's money. I love how responsible you are. My Dad should make you Chief Accountant or something. Let me buy you a jacket. There's a great place when we get to Rome, Batistoni. +Where do we find a carozza for the Forum, or can we hire any of them -- ? Relax. +Relax. It's just there's so much to do in a single day. +It's just there's so much to do in a single day. Relax. The most important question is where to eat. I hope Freddie made a reservation. +Relax. The most important question is where to eat. I hope Freddie made a reservation. Freddie? +Freddie? Freddie Miles. You know -- he's organizing the Cortina skiing trip. +Look, Tom, we've got to go to a club and meet some friends of Freddie's. The best thing is -- if you want to be a tourist -- grab a cab and we can meet up at the railway station. What club? +What club? Freddie's arranged it with some of the skiing crowd. Come if you want but I thought you wanted to see the Forum...? +Freddie's arranged it with some of the skiing crowd. Come if you want but I thought you wanted to see the Forum...? I did. And then maybe get the jacket and what have you... +Shoes too? You said I could pick out a jacket and I just... Sorry. +You said I could pick out a jacket and I just... Sorry. Get undressed in your own room, would you? +Get undressed in your own room, would you? I thought you'd missed the train. +I thought you'd missed the train. Freddie drove me back in his car. +Freddie drove me back in his car. Is Freddie here? +Is Freddie here? He's downstairs. +He's downstairs. I was just fooling around. Don't say anything. Sorry. +What's the fight about? That's her fiancee, isn't it? Are they blaming him? I don't know! Why are you asking me? How can it take an hour to find an ambulance? +She was pregnant. Did you know that? Do you know what that means in a place like this? I'm prepared to take the blame. +I'm prepared to take the blame. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? You've been so good to me. You're the brother I never had. I'm the brother you never had. +You've been so good to me. You're the brother I never had. I'm the brother you never had. She came to me for help, she needed money, and I didn't help her. I didn't help her. Now she's dead and it's my fault. +She came to me for help, she needed money, and I didn't help her. I didn't help her. Now she's dead and it's my fault. I'm not going to say anything -- to Marge, or anybody, the police -- It's a secret between us and I'll keep it. +...The thousand dollars, of course, was only due in the event that you succeeded in bringing Dickie home. Naturally, I hope the trip has afforded you some pleasure despite the failure of its main objective you need no longer consider yourself obligated to us in any way... You can't blame him. You could hardly expect this to go on forever. +You can't blame him. You could hardly expect this to go on forever. I thought you might write again. Now that we're brothers... +I thought you might write again. Now that we're brothers... I can't, how can I, in all decency? We've had a good run, haven't we? +I can't, how can I, in all decency? We've had a good run, haven't we? What about Venice? Can we stick to that plan at least? +What about Venice? Can we stick to that plan at least? I don't think so, Tom. You can't stay on here without money. It's time we all moved on. Besides I'm sick of Mongi. Especially now with everything -- I really want to move to the North. I need to check out San Remo next week, find somewhere new to keep the boat. But it would be great, though, if you came with me. Our last trip before you leave. There's a jazz festival -- we could say goodbye in style. What do you think? A last trip? +To Mongibello and the happiest days of my life. To Mongi. You're cheerful tonight. +To Mongi. You're cheerful tonight. I'm suddenly quite happy to be going back. +I'm suddenly quite happy to be going back. That's good. +That's good. I've got plans! +I've got plans! Ripley's plans. +Ripley's plans. Esatto. I'm always planning. +Esatto. I'm always planning. Did I know you at Princeton, Tom? I didn't, did I? +Did I know you at Princeton, Tom? I didn't, did I? Why are you asking all of a sudden? +Why are you asking all of a sudden? No reason. Because you're leaving, I guess. I don't think you were there, were you? +No reason. Because you're leaving, I guess. I don't think you were there, were you? Why? +Why? I mean it as a compliment. You've got such great taste, I don't know. Most of the thugs at Princeton had tasted everything and had no taste. Used to say, the cream of America: rich and thick. Freddie's the perfect example. +I mean it as a compliment. You've got such great taste, I don't know. Most of the thugs at Princeton had tasted everything and had no taste. Used to say, the cream of America: rich and thick. Freddie's the perfect example. Then I'll take it as a compliment. +Then I'll take it as a compliment. I knew it! I had a bet with Marge! +I knew it! I had a bet with Marge! Ha. +Ha. Do you even like jazz -- or was that something for my benefit? +Do you even like jazz -- or was that something for my benefit? I've gotten to like it. I've gotten to like everything about the way you live. It's one big love affair. If you knew my life back home in New York... +I'm thinking of giving up the sax, what do you think about drums? What? +What? So cool. +I wanted to tell you my plan. So tell me. +So tell me. I thought I might come back. In the New Year. Under my own steam. +I thought I might come back. In the New Year. Under my own steam. Really? To Italy? +Really? To Italy? Of course. Let's say, for argument's sake, you were here -- perhaps we could split the rent on a house -- I'll get a job -- or, better still, I could get a place in Rome and when we're there we could be there and if we're here we could be here -- +Of course. Let's say, for argument's sake, you were here -- perhaps we could split the rent on a house -- I'll get a job -- or, better still, I could get a place in Rome and when we're there we could be there and if we're here we could be here -- Oh God, I don't think so. +Oh God, I don't think so. You see, particularly with the Marge problem, you can just blame me. +You see, particularly with the Marge problem, you can just blame me. Marge and I are getting married. +Marge and I are getting married. How? +How? How? +How? Yesterday you're ogling girls on the terrace, today you're getting married. It's absurd. +Yesterday you're ogling girls on the terrace, today you're getting married. It's absurd. I love Marge. +I love Marge. You love me and you're not marrying me. +You love me and you're not marrying me. Tom, I don't love you. +Tom, I don't love you. No, no, it's not a threat, I've explained all of that. +No, no, it's not a threat, I've explained all of that. I'm actually a little relieved you're going, to be honest. I think we've seen enough of each other for a while. +What? You can be a leech -- you know this -- and it's boring. You can be quite boring. +You can be a leech -- you know this -- and it's boring. You can be quite boring. The funny thing -- I'm not pretending to be somebody else and you are. I'm absolutely honest with you. I've told you my feelings. But you, first of all I know there's something -- that evening when we played chess, for instance, it was obvious -- +The funny thing -- I'm not pretending to be somebody else and you are. I'm absolutely honest with you. I've told you my feelings. But you, first of all I know there's something -- that evening when we played chess, for instance, it was obvious -- What evening? +What evening? Sure -- I know, that's too dangerous for you, fair enough, hey! we're brothers, fine, then you do this sordid thing with Marge, fucking her on the boat while we all have to listen, which was excruciating, frankly, plus you follow your cock around like a -- and now you're getting married! I'm bewildered, forgive me... you're lying to Marge then getting married to her, you're knocking up Silvana, you've got to play sax, you've got to play drums, which is it, Dickie, what do you really play? +Frederico! Ciao bello. Don't you want to fuck every woman you see. Just once. +This is Tom Ripley. Freddie Miles. Hey, if I'm late, think what her husband's saying! +Dick -- you've got to hear this! Listen, just take one of mine when we get back. Don't worry about it. I did the Forum with Marge and, frankly, once is enough in anyone's life. +Come on, Frederico, do you really have to go back? At least stick around for the Festival of the Madonna. I don't think so. Come back with me to Rome. There's this great new club. Have some drinks, lotta ladies... +Do you think you can steer this thing? Sure. +Sure. Just point her at Capri and avoid the rocks. +Just point her at Capri and avoid the rocks. What are you doing? +What are you doing? Marge-maintenance. +Marge-maintenance. Aye, aye. +Hello? Dickie? +Dickie? Who is it? +Who is it? It's Freddie. Let me in. +Hello, Freddie, it's Tom, Tom Ripley. Oh hello, where's Dickie? How are you? +Oh hello, where's Dickie? How are you? Yes, I'm good, thank you. Dickies at dinner. He's at Otello's. Do you know it? +Yes, I'm good, thank you. Dickies at dinner. He's at Otello's. Do you know it? I don't think he's at dinner at 6.30pm. If you said he was still at lunch I'd believe you. Incredible. The guy has disappeared off the face of the earth. +I don't think he's at dinner at 6.30pm. If you said he was still at lunch I'd believe you. Incredible. The guy has disappeared off the face of the earth. I guess. +I guess. The landlady -- as far as I could tell, the landlady said he was here right now. +The landlady -- as far as I could tell, the landlady said he was here right now. He's gone to dinner! Search the place. I can't think why you would imagine Dickie would hide from you. +He's gone to dinner! Search the place. I can't think why you would imagine Dickie would hide from you. Because he's been hiding from me -- what happened at Christmas? +Because he's been hiding from me -- what happened at Christmas? What about Christmas? +What about Christmas? He was supposed to come skiing. I didn't get a cable or a call or a note or, frankly, a fart. +Of course, he's been very involved in his music, hasn't he? I think his theory is, you know, you have to go into a cocoon before you can become a butterfly. Which is horseshit. Have you heard him play that thing? He can't. +Which is horseshit. Have you heard him play that thing? He can't. How did you find him? It's such an out of the way apartment. Can I fix you a drink? +How did you find him? It's such an out of the way apartment. Can I fix you a drink? No thanks. Some kid at the American Express Office. Are you living here? +No. No, I'm staying here for a few days, in Rome. That's a new piano, so you prob -- Did this place come furnished? It doesn't look like Dickie. Horrible isn't it? -- so bourgeois. +You should watch that! In fact the only thing which looks like Dickie is you. +In fact the only thing which looks like Dickie is you. Hardly. +Hardly. Have you done something to your hair? +Freddie, do you have something to say? What? I think I'm saying it. Something's going on. He's either converted to Christianity -- or to something else. +What? I think I'm saying it. Something's going on. He's either converted to Christianity -- or to something else. I suggest you ask Dickie that yourself. Otello's is on delle Croce, just off the Corso. +I suggest you ask Dickie that yourself. Otello's is on delle Croce, just off the Corso. "Is it on ""delle Croce, just off the Corso""? You're a quick study, aren't you? Last time you didn't know your ass from your elbow, now you're giving me directions. That's not fair, you probably do know your ass from your elbow. I'll see you." +Most enjoyable. Herbert Greenleaf. Tom Ripley. Thank you, sir. +Tom Ripley. Thank you, sir. I see you were at Princeton. Then you'll most likely know our son, Dick. Dickie Greenleaf... +Could you ever conceive of going to Italy, Tom, persuade my son to come home? I'd pay you. I'd pay you 1000 dollars. I've always wanted to go to Europe, sir, but... +I've always wanted to go to Europe, sir, but... Good. Now you can go for a reason. +Mr Greenleaf. Tom. How are you? You look well. +Tom. How are you? You look well. I'm well, thank you. +I'm well, thank you. Far cry from New York. +Far cry from New York. Yes it is. +Yes it is. Marge, good morning. Unusual weather. +Yes. What's the detective hoping to find in San Remo? He's being thorough, that's all. I'm learning about my son, Tom, now he's missing. I'm learning a great deal about him. I hope you can fill in some more blanks for me. Marge has been good enough to do that, about Mongibello. +He's being thorough, that's all. I'm learning about my son, Tom, now he's missing. I'm learning a great deal about him. I hope you can fill in some more blanks for me. Marge has been good enough to do that, about Mongibello. I'll try my best, sir. Obviously I'll do anything to help Dickie. +No, Marge doesn't know the half of it. I think it might hurt her to know. +I think it might hurt her to know. And his passport photo? Did you hear? To scratch out your own face like that -- can you imagine -- the frame of mind you'd have to be in? I've thought about going to the police but I can't face it. I can't face anything anymore. +And his passport photo? Did you hear? To scratch out your own face like that -- can you imagine -- the frame of mind you'd have to be in? I've thought about going to the police but I can't face it. I can't face anything anymore. I feel guilty. I feel like I pushed him away. I spoke and he heard you. +I feel guilty. I feel like I pushed him away. I spoke and he heard you. Well, if we all pushed him away what about him pushing us away? You've been a great friend to my son. Everything is someone else's fault. We all want to sow wild oars. Somebody's got to -- what's the word? The moment someone confronts him he lashes out. He lashes out. You know, people always say you can't choose your parents, but you can't choose your children. +Tom. Hello, sir. Marge, you should have waited, didn't Peter tell you I'd come by and pick you up? +Hello, sir. Marge, you should have waited, didn't Peter tell you I'd come by and pick you up? Marge has been telling us about the rings. +Marge has been telling us about the rings. You know I feel ridiculous I didn't mention them yesterday -- I clean forgot -- ridiculous. +You know I feel ridiculous I didn't mention them yesterday -- I clean forgot -- ridiculous. Perhaps you didn't mention them because there's only one conclusion to be drawn. +I'm going to take Marge for a little walk, Tom. Mr MacCarron wants to talk with you. We could go down to the bar -- no need for you to -- +We could go down to the bar -- no need for you to -- No, he should talk to you alone. +Pretty good. Sticking with hot water. Where's Mr MacCarron? +Where's Mr MacCarron? San Remo. The police are amateurs. Well, my boy, it's come to a pretty pass, hasn't it? +This theory, the letter he left for you, the Police think that's a clear indication he was planning on doing something... to himself. I just don't believe that! +I just don't believe that! You don't want to, dear. I'd like to talk to Tom alone -- perhaps this afternoon? Would you mind? Marge, what a man may say to his sweetheart and what he'll admit to another fellow -- +You don't want to, dear. I'd like to talk to Tom alone -- perhaps this afternoon? Would you mind? Marge, what a man may say to his sweetheart and what he'll admit to another fellow -- Such as? +Such as? What a waste of lives and opportunities and -- +I don't know, I don't know, I just know it. Marge, there's female intuition, and then there are facts -- +Thanks so much for inviting me tonight. Can you bear it? We hear you're a friend of Freddie's -- he has I hate Opera tattooed on his chest. +Can you bear it? We hear you're a friend of Freddie's -- he has I hate Opera tattooed on his chest. There's room for a whole libretto on Freddie's chest. +There's room for a whole libretto on Freddie's chest. I'm sure we've met. +I was sure we'd met, weren't you, Ted? This is Herbert Greenleaf's boy. Thanks, yes, I think we did. +Thanks, yes, I think we did. One minute you people are children and the next you're getting tattooed. +Is Mr Greenleaf here? Mr Ripley? I'm Alvin MacCarron. +I could probably see my bedroom from here. I can see my house. When you see where you live from a distance it's like a dream, isn't it? I don't care for B.S. I don't care to hear it. I don't care to speak it. +I don't care for B.S. I don't care to hear it. I don't care to speak it. Okay. +Okay. Why do you think Dickie's father sent him to Europe in the first place? Did you know at Princeton Dickie Greenleaf half-killed a boy? +Mr Greenleaf appreciates your loyalty. He really does. Marge, she's got a hundred theories, but there are a few things she doesn't know. We hope she never knows. I hope she never knows. +I hope she never knows. Three different people saw Dickie get into Freddie Miles' car. A man who won't identify himself because he was jumping someone else's wife at the time saw Dickie removing license plates from a red sports car. The Police know about this man because he happens to be a Policeman. +Pleasure to meet you, Dickie's made a fine catch. I know Emily thinks so. What's going on? +You were right about the telephones. There are no lines, there's some problem. Hello Tom. You're off? What are your plans? +Hello Tom. You're off? What are your plans? Back, I suppose, slowly as I can. +I never said that! Bird. That's jazz. +Which is ridiculous. Boats are female, everyone knows you can't call a boat after a man. He's not a man, he's a god. +Dickie, you can't even drive a car! No, what we need urgently is an icebox. What do you think, Tom? Agree with me and I'll be your friend for life. I absolutely agree with Marge. +That ring's so great. The green one. Tom, I love you! See! I bought it for him, for his birthday. +Tom, I love you! See! I bought it for him, for his birthday. It's superb. +I have to find a birthday present for Frances. Perhaps you can help me? Frances? +Frances? My fiancée. +You really should go in, it's marvelous. I'm fine. +Are you okay? Sure. +The thing with Dickie -- it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious, then he forgets you and it's very very cold. So I'm learning. +So I'm learning. He's not even aware of it. When you've got his attention you feel like you're the only person in the world. That's why everybody loves him. Other times... +Tell me, why is it when men play they always play at killing each other...? I'm sorry about Cortina by the way. What about Cortina? +What about Cortina? Didn't Dick say? -- He talked to Freddie... apparently it's not going to work out -- Freddie says there aren't enough rooms. +Dickie! I'll go and see what's the matter. +I'll go and see what's the matter. I'll go. +Hello Marge. Tom, you startled me! You're back. +Tom, you startled me! You're back. How are you? Sorry. Is your book going well? +How are you? Sorry. Is your book going well? Yes -- I'm on a good streak, thanks. +Yes -- I'm on a good streak, thanks. I was just looking at you -- so quiet. +I was just looking at you -- so quiet. Where's Dickie? +Where's Dickie? I think he's planning on staying in Rome for a few days. +I think he's planning on staying in Rome for a few days. Ha. Did he say why? +Ha. Did he say why? I don't know. I don't understand Dickie, Marge, so your guess is as good as mine. +I don't know. I don't understand Dickie, Marge, so your guess is as good as mine. What does that mean? +What does that mean? Well, one day I'm invited skiing, the next day I'm not, one day we're all one family, the next day he wants to be alone. You tell me. +Well, one day I'm invited skiing, the next day I'm not, one day we're all one family, the next day he wants to be alone. You tell me. Is that what he said -- he wanted to be alone? +Is that what he said -- he wanted to be alone? He was thinking of you, Marge -- he asked me to deliver this. +Thanks. He knows I love this, although why it couldn't have waited... Errand number one -- deliver Marge's perfume. Errand number two, pack some clothes and his precious saxophone. +Errand number one -- deliver Marge's perfume. Errand number two, pack some clothes and his precious saxophone. How long's he staying for? +How long's he staying for? Search me. I guess we're abandoned. +He hates being confronted. I think you're right. +Oh my God. Tom. Marge, how are you? What are you doing in Rome? +Marge, how are you? What are you doing in Rome? Is he here? Are you with Dickie? +Is he here? Are you with Dickie? No. Hello, I'm Tom Ripley. +Is he really not here? Marge, you know Dickie has I hate Opera tattooed on his chest. +Marge, you know Dickie has I hate Opera tattooed on his chest. You were going to Venice. +Dickie was at the Opera last night. I don't believe it. Wild horses wouldn't drag Dickie to -- +I don't believe it. Wild horses wouldn't drag Dickie to -- He was there with someone. So I suppose she must have dragged him -- that's not fair. I'm going back to Mongi. I think Dickie's coming home. I'm going to go home. +He was there with someone. So I suppose she must have dragged him -- that's not fair. I'm going back to Mongi. I think Dickie's coming home. I'm going to go home. Really? That's swell. No, I was just -- you're way ahead of me! Great! +Did he kill Freddie? Marge, when did you get here? +Marge, when did you get here? Tell me the truth. Did he kill Freddie? +Tell me the truth. Did he kill Freddie? I'd swear he didn't. Of course he didn't. +I'd swear he didn't. Of course he didn't. I tried again, waiting here, watching for him. Instead it's you. Whenever I look for Dickie I find you. What happened to your face? +I tried again, waiting here, watching for him. Instead it's you. Whenever I look for Dickie I find you. What happened to your face? Dickie did it. +Dickie did it. Dickie? +Dickie? My face! There was an argument. I said some things I shouldn't have. About you. About the appalling way he's treating you, all of us. And the next thing I know he's launched himself at me. Are you getting on? +My face! There was an argument. I said some things I shouldn't have. About you. About the appalling way he's treating you, all of us. And the next thing I know he's launched himself at me. Are you getting on? What? +What? Get on. I'll take you to him. +Where does Dickie live? We passed it a few blocks back, where the police were. The Palazzo Gioia. They don't even know I'm in Rome and I'm not going to incriminate Dickie -- +We passed it a few blocks back, where the police were. The Palazzo Gioia. They don't even know I'm in Rome and I'm not going to incriminate Dickie -- Perhaps I shouldn't go either. +Perhaps I shouldn't go either. No, well go if you want to, but don't talk to the Police about my face -- they find out he hit me -- he's got a temper -- he could've hit Freddie. Good luck, Marge. I'll catch up with you later. +Hello Peter, so good to see you. Hello Marge! +Hello Marge! Tom. +I was looking forward to seeing him. Dickie hasn't killed himself. I'm sure of that. There's a private detective on the case now -- a Mr MacCarron -- Dickie's father's employing him. +Dickie hasn't killed himself. I'm sure of that. There's a private detective on the case now -- a Mr MacCarron -- Dickie's father's employing him. That's a terrific idea. +That's a terrific idea. He's American. He's already discovered Dickie cashed checks for $1000 the day before he disappeared. +Look at me what? To the manner born. +Very. And you, sir? Any better? +Did Dickie's Dad go? He's having an early night. +He's having an early night. Poor man. We were knocking on that door for ever. I think I've broken my strap. +Tom? Marge, I'm in the bath. Won't be long. +Marge, I'm in the bath. Won't be long. Tom, I need to talk to you. It's urgent. +I found Dickie's rings. What? +What? You've got Dickie's rings. +You've got Dickie's rings. I can explain. +Dickie promised me he would never take off this ring. Let me put on some clothes and then we can talk about this. +Let me put on some clothes and then we can talk about this. I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. +I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. Marge, calm down, you're being hysterical. +Marge, calm down, you're being hysterical. He promised me. I swear I'll never take off this ring until the day -- +He promised me. I swear I'll never take off this ring until the day -- Shut up! Shut up! +Marge? Where are you going? I was looking for a needle and thread. I wasn't snooping. I was looking for a needle and thread to mend my bra. +I was looking for a needle and thread. I wasn't snooping. I was looking for a needle and thread to mend my bra. The scent you're wearing. I bought it for you, not Dickie. The thing about Dickie. So many things. The day he was late back from Rome -- I tried to tell you this -- he was with another girl. I'm not talking about Meredith, another girl we met in a bar. He couldn't be faithful for five minutes. So when he makes a promise it doesn't mean what it means when you make a promise. Or I do. He has so many realities, Dickie, and he believes them all. He lies. He lies, that's his... half the time he doesn't even realize. +Today, for the first time, I've even wondered whether he might have killed Freddie. He would get so crazy if anybody contradicted him -- well, you know that. Marge. I loved you -- you might as well know -- I loved you, and because he knew I loved you, he let you think I loved him. Didn't you see, couldn't you see? I don't know, maybe it's grotesque to say this now, so just write it on a piece of paper or something, and keep it in your purse for a rainy day. Tom loves me. Why do you have Dickie's rings? +I told you. He gave them to me. Why? When? +Why? When? I feel as if you haven't heard anything I've been saying to you. +I feel as if you haven't heard anything I've been saying to you. I don't believe you. +I don't believe you. It's all true. +It's all true. I don't believe a single word you've said. +But I hope that note goes to New York in your purse, for a rainy day. What are you going to do now, Tom? +What are you going to do now, Tom? I don't know. Peter has a concert in Athens next month -- and he's asked if I want to go along, help out. He says goodbye by the way -- he's in rehearsal, otherwise -- +I don't know. Peter has a concert in Athens next month -- and he's asked if I want to go along, help out. He says goodbye by the way -- he's in rehearsal, otherwise -- Why do I think there's never been a Ripley rainy day? +Why do I think there's never been a Ripley rainy day? What? +What? I know it was you -- I know it was you, Tom. I know it was you. I know you killed Dickie. I know it was you. +I know it was you -- I know it was you, Tom. I know it was you. I know you killed Dickie. I know it was you. Oh Marge. +Dickie? Do you know Dickie? You were at the Opera? Well, that explains -- yes I was there. I was there with Dickie. +You were at the Opera? Well, that explains -- yes I was there. I was there with Dickie. I told you! I knew it! +I told you! I knew it! Marge, I don't know you, so I have no right, but Dickie loves you. He's -- I think you'll find he's coming home to you. +Marge, I don't know you, so I have no right, but Dickie loves you. He's -- I think you'll find he's coming home to you. How would you know that? +How would you know that? He told me everything. I was supposed to meet him fifteen minutes ago, so I... I'm going to go now, I think. Unless he meant us to meet -- which would be a little cruel, wouldn't it? +Peter Smith-Kingsley. I've heard about you, of course -- from Marge, and Dickie. No glasses. +Look there's Meredith thingy -- who's that, Marge? -- They're in textiles... Meredith -- God, how awful, I've spent Christmas in her house...! I don't know her. He hasn't called, he's hardly written, just these cryptic notes. You don't just dump people. +No, we're meeting another friend. Tom Ripley. Do you know Tom? +We think he's had a change of heart. So we should be celebrating. I hope so. +I hope so. That was moving, wasn't it? When Meredith said -- Meredith's the American girl I saw last night, I know her, at the Opera, she's been seeing something of Dickie -- +So you found Peter... I think we sort of found each other. +Where's Dickie's father? He's not coming till the morning. Evidently his stomach -- I don't think the food here is agreeing with him. +Is this you? No, it's Tom's. Splendid, eh? +No, it's Tom's. Splendid, eh? Golly. Who's paying for this? +This is spectacular. That's why Tom wanted you to stay. It's better than squeezing into my room, and I know how you hate hotels. +That's why Tom wanted you to stay. It's better than squeezing into my room, and I know how you hate hotels. A hotel would've been fine. We'll have to tell Mr Greenleaf how far his dollar has stretched. +What's funny? No, nothing. I'm just thinking about when Tom arrived in Mongi. And now look at you. +What's your secret? Excuse me? +Excuse me? No, it's just -- you are American, aren't you? -- no, I just, I have so much luggage, and you're so, uh, streamlined. It's humiliating. +I'm Meredith, by the way. Meredith Randall. Dickie, Dickie Greenleaf. Hello. +Dickie, Dickie Greenleaf. Hello. Hello. +You're not the Shipping Greenleaf's? Trying not to be. Trying to jump ship. +Trying not to be. Trying to jump ship. So now, did they put your suitcase in the wrong pile? It's just -- upstairs -- weren't you under the R stand? I thought I saw you there. +So now, did they put your suitcase in the wrong pile? It's just -- upstairs -- weren't you under the R stand? I thought I saw you there. My father wants me in New York. He builds boats. I'd rather sail them. I travel under my mother's name. +My father wants me in New York. He builds boats. I'd rather sail them. I travel under my mother's name. Which is? +Which is? Emily. Just kidding. +Emily. Just kidding. The funny thing is, I'm not Randall either. I'm Logue. +The funny thing is, I'm not Randall either. I'm Logue. As in the...? +As in the...? As in the Textile Logues. Trying to shrug off the dress. I travel under my mother's name, too. +As in the Textile Logues. Trying to shrug off the dress. I travel under my mother's name, too. Randall. +Randall. Right. +But you're going skiing with us Yankees, aren't you? What? +What? At Christmas. To Cortina with Freddie Miles and -- +At Christmas. To Cortina with Freddie Miles and -- How did you know that? +How did you know that? Everybody knows Freddie Miles. +Everybody knows Freddie Miles. Is Freddie in Rome? +Is Freddie in Rome? Now? I don't think so. But I've met him, of course, and we've chatted and I know about you and Marge and Mongi and what an unreliable rat you are. Freddie said you were a rat and I thought to myself now I know why he travels under R. +Now? I don't think so. But I've met him, of course, and we've chatted and I know about you and Marge and Mongi and what an unreliable rat you are. Freddie said you were a rat and I thought to myself now I know why he travels under R. I've left Marge, Meredith. And Mongi. So the rat's here now, in Rome. +I've left Marge, Meredith. And Mongi. So the rat's here now, in Rome. Sorry, I wouldn't have made a joke if -- +Sorry, I wouldn't have made a joke if -- Don't be sorry. I've never been happier. I feel like I've been handed a new life. +The truth is if you've had money your entire life, even if you despise it, which we do -- agreed? -- you're only truly comfortable around other people who have it and despise it. I know. +I know. I've never admitted that to anyone. +Show me the other one again. I like them both. I'll take them both. +Let's go. I thought you were enjoying yourself? +I thought you were enjoying yourself? Let's take a Carozza and look at the moon. +Let's take a Carozza and look at the moon. You're crazy! It's freezing out there. +C'mon, I need to talk to you. Just the two of us. Okay then, you're crazy. +Don't worry. Really. Don't worry. You're such a pal to understand. It's as if Marge is here now -- I look at you and I see her face -- and I can't, whatever I'm feeling towards you -- I just can't... +You're such a pal to understand. It's as if Marge is here now -- I look at you and I see her face -- and I can't, whatever I'm feeling towards you -- I just can't... No, I absolutely understand. Of course. +No, I absolutely understand. Of course. Otherwise you'd be fighting me off. +Otherwise you'd be fighting me off. Beating you away. +Will you meet me tomorrow? Just to say goodbye in the daylight, properly? So it's not just this, it's too... you should always save pain for daylight... Oh Meredith, I'm sorry. Of course I'll meet you. Let's have coffee in the morning at Dinelli's. +Oh Meredith, I'm sorry. Of course I'll meet you. Let's have coffee in the morning at Dinelli's. I don't -- is that by the Spanish Steps? +I don't -- is that by the Spanish Steps? Exactly. 10.30 -- +Dickie, my God! Hello Meredith. +Hello Meredith. I was looking at you, your clothes, I wouldn't have known you... +I was looking at you, your clothes, I wouldn't have known you... Well, you've spotted me and so you get the reward. +Well, you've spotted me and so you get the reward. What? +What? Just kidding. Are you alone? +Just kidding. Are you alone? Hardly. I couldn't be less alone. +Of course. Aunt Joan. And co. A lot of co. Oh, God, I've thought about you so much. +And co. A lot of co. Oh, God, I've thought about you so much. I've thought about you. +When I thought about you I was mostly hating you. Where've you been hiding? I haven't been hiding. I've been in Police custody. They've been trying to flush out Freddie's killer. +I haven't been hiding. I've been in Police custody. They've been trying to flush out Freddie's killer. You're kidding. +You're kidding. They're letting me have this vacation. Which is why the get-up. Which is why you haven't heard from me. +They're letting me have this vacation. Which is why the get-up. Which is why you haven't heard from me. You know, the whole world thinks you killed Freddie? It's terrible. +You know, the whole world thinks you killed Freddie? It's terrible. I know. Look, I can't talk now. Later. Later? +So -- are you travelling under R? You know what -- I am. +You know what -- I am. Dickie, are you with Peter Smith- Kingsley? I bet you are. My aunt thought she saw him. +Dickie, are you with Peter Smith- Kingsley? I bet you are. My aunt thought she saw him. Peter Smith-Kingsley? I haven't seen him in months. No, I'm alone. +Ho assunto io la guida delle indagini in seguito alla negativa valutazione delle disdicevoli circostanze verificatesi con il mio predecessore Roverini che come e noto non e riuscito a impedire il verificarsi della scomparsa del signor Greenleaf, il quale era l'unica persona al momento passibile di incriminazione del reato di omicidio del signor Miles. He's taken over the case because... they're annoyed the previous chap let Dickie... disappear when he was the only, he was the only suspect in Freddie's murder. +He's taken over the case because... they're annoyed the previous chap let Dickie... disappear when he was the only, he was the only suspect in Freddie's murder. Quando e stata l'ultima volta che il signor Ripley ha visto il signor Greenleaf? +Dove e stato il signor Ripley da allora? Where have you been since then? +All'aperto? Col freddo che ha fatto? He thinks it's very cold to be sleeping outside. +He thinks it's very cold to be sleeping outside. Il signor Ripley ha sviluppate tendenze omosessuali? +Il signor Ripley ha sviluppate tendenze omosessuali? Are you a homosexual? Interesting non-sequitur. +Non e questo il luogo per le vostre conversazioni private! A ragione. A ragione. +A ragione. A ragione. Hmm. C'e questa... +Questa lettera e stata trovata nell'abitazione del signor Richard Greenleaf a Roma. They found this in Dickie's place in Rome. +Ditto. Where are you hiding him? He's impossible, isn't he? +Yes, what happened? I heard you were desperate to come. I was looking forward to rowing you around. I am. I really am. And I've been travelling. I just can't seem to get that far north. +I am. I really am. And I've been travelling. I just can't seem to get that far north. Well hurry, before we sink. Should I give you my telephone number in Venice? +Well hurry, before we sink. Should I give you my telephone number in Venice? Thanks. +Will we see you later? I can't later. +I can't later. And tomorrow? +And tomorrow? Tomorrow's possible. Do you know Dinelli's? Piazza di Spagna? +Tomorrow's possible. Do you know Dinelli's? Piazza di Spagna? I know the Piazza di Spagna. What time? +I know the Piazza di Spagna. What time? Ten thirty? +Ten thirty? We'll be there. +We'll be there. Okay. Marge, see you tomorrow. It's really good to meet you. +Sorry, sorry. Had to renew my papers. Italian bureaucracy -- never one stamp when they can make you line up for three. Have you been waiting long? Not at all. Morning Tom. +Not at all. Morning Tom. Hi. Sorry. You okay? You look as if you've seen a ghost... +My God. But the point is Dickie -- well we know this -- Dickie loves Marge and he misses her and apparently he's come to his senses... +But the point is Dickie -- well we know this -- Dickie loves Marge and he misses her and apparently he's come to his senses... It's fantastic. I feel guilty. Marge doesn't understand this, but anytime Dickie does something I feel guilty. +Peter, I'm really sorry to put you through this. I just couldn't face going to the police by myself when my Italian's so rotten. Don't be daft. It's fine. I'm delighted you finally made it to Venice. I'm delighted, contrary to rumour, you're still in one piece? +Don't be daft. It's fine. I'm delighted you finally made it to Venice. I'm delighted, contrary to rumour, you're still in one piece? What rumour? +What rumour? That Dickie murdered you and is travelling under your passport. I know, ridiculous. +Welcome to Venice. This place reeks, doesn't it? Can you smell it? Ugh. Sorry. Not the best way to spend your first day. It's okay. +It's okay. Anyway I've got to the bottom of the delay. Finally. We're waiting for someone from Rome. +Anyway I've got to the bottom of the delay. Finally. We're waiting for someone from Rome. What do you mean? They're sending someone from Rome? +What do you mean? They're sending someone from Rome? That's good, isn't it? +That's good, isn't it? No, but I thought that didn't happen in Italy, that each region was completely separate! I was sure that was the -- +No, but I thought that didn't happen in Italy, that each region was completely separate! I was sure that was the -- You've seen the papers, you know what a big deal it's been here. American tourist murdered -- +You've seen the papers, you know what a big deal it's been here. American tourist murdered -- It's ridiculous but now you've mentioned the stench I can hardly breathe. +In Rome, about three weeks ago. I knew that one. A Roma, circa tre settimane fa. +I've been backpacking. I don't know how to translate that. E difficile... il signor Ripley... dormiva all'aperto, con un... +No. No. By the way, officially there are no Italian homosexuals. Makes Leonardo, Michelangelo very inconvenient. +No. By the way, officially there are no Italian homosexuals. Makes Leonardo, Michelangelo very inconvenient. Tell him I have a fiancée, Dickie has a fiancée and Freddie Miles probably had a string of them. +Tell him I have a fiancée, Dickie has a fiancée and Freddie Miles probably had a string of them. Il signor Ripley ha una fidanzata, il signor Dickie ha una fidanzata e probabilmente il signor Freddie Miles ha molte fidanzate. +What did he say? He says so many fiancées. +He wants to know if you killed Freddie Miles and then killed Dickie Greenleaf? No I did not. I did not kill Freddie Miles and then kill Dickie Greenleaf. Is he accusing me? Ask him if he's accusing me! +No I did not. I did not kill Freddie Miles and then kill Dickie Greenleaf. Is he accusing me? Ask him if he's accusing me! He's already angry, I don't think -- +He's already angry, I don't think -- Just because he doesn't like Americans! +Can you imagine, if Dickie did kill Freddie, what must that be like? To wake up every morning, how can you? Just wake up and be a person, drink a coffee...? Whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful -- it all makes sense, doesn't it? Inside your head. You never meet anybody who thinks they're a bad person or that they're cruel. +Whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful -- it all makes sense, doesn't it? Inside your head. You never meet anybody who thinks they're a bad person or that they're cruel. But you're still tormented, you must be, you've killed somebody... +But you're still tormented, you must be, you've killed somebody... Don't you put the past in a room, in the cellar, and lock the door and just never go in there? Because that's what I do. +Don't you put the past in a room, in the cellar, and lock the door and just never go in there? Because that's what I do. Probably. In my case it's probably a whole building. +Probably. In my case it's probably a whole building. Then you meet someone special and all you want to do is toss them the key, say open up, step inside, but you can't because it's dark and there are demons and if anybody saw how ugly it was... +I keep wanting to do that -- fling open the door -- let the light in, clean everything out. If I could get a huge eraser and rub everything out... starting with myself... the thing is, Peter, if... No key, huh? +I'm sorry. I was asleep. I must have fallen asleep. You look ghastly, Tom. Are you okay? +Not guilty. I'll fix some drinks. +Are you okay? I'm fine. +I'm fine. Do you want me to stick around? +Do you want me to stick around? It's okay. +It's okay. Or I could come back. +Tom, are you okay? You try. You try talking to her. +You try. You try talking to her. Tom. Tom! Tell me, what's going on? +Tom. Tom! Tell me, what's going on? I give up. +Ask me what I want to change about this moment. What do you want to change about this moment? +What do you want to change about this moment? Nothing. +Hello. What are you up to? All kinds of things. Making plans. +All kinds of things. Making plans. Plans -- good, plans for tonight or plans for the future? +Plans -- good, plans for tonight or plans for the future? I don't know. Both. My plan right now is to go up on deck, look at the sunset. Come with me. +I don't know. Both. My plan right now is to go up on deck, look at the sunset. Come with me. You go. I don't want to get dressed yet. Come back though. Come back. You know, you look so relaxed, like a completely different person. +You go. I don't want to get dressed yet. Come back though. Come back. You know, you look so relaxed, like a completely different person. Well, that's entirely your fault. And, if I fall overboard, that'll be your fault too. +How was it? Good. But I think we should stay in here for the rest of the trip. +Good. But I think we should stay in here for the rest of the trip. Was that Meredith? +Was that Meredith? Was who Meredith? +Was who Meredith? Meredith Logue. You were kissing somebody. Looked like Meredith. +Meredith Logue. You were kissing somebody. Looked like Meredith. Hardly kissing. Kissing off. +Hardly kissing. Kissing off. Didn't look that way -- you know -- from a distance. +Didn't look that way -- you know -- from a distance. I lied. To her. She thought she'd seen you. +I lied. To her. She thought she'd seen you. Why lie? +Why lie? Dickie and Peter, that's just too good gossip, isn't it? +Dickie and Peter, that's just too good gossip, isn't it? Or Tom and Peter even. +Or Tom and Peter even. Well that would be even better gossip. +Well that would be even better gossip. Really, why? Sorry, I'm completely lost. +Really, why? Sorry, I'm completely lost. I know. I'm lost, too. I'm going to be stuck in the basement, aren't I, that's my, that's my -- terrible and alone and dark -- and I've lied about who I am, and where I am, and so nobody can ever find me. +I know. I'm lost, too. I'm going to be stuck in the basement, aren't I, that's my, that's my -- terrible and alone and dark -- and I've lied about who I am, and where I am, and so nobody can ever find me. What do you mean lied about who you are? +What do you mean lied about who you are? I suppose I always thought -- better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody. +I suppose I always thought -- better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody. What are you talking about -- you're not a nobody! That's the last thing you are. +What are you talking about -- you're not a nobody! That's the last thing you are. Peter, I... I... +Peter, I... I... And don't forget. I have the key. +And don't forget. I have the key. You have the key. Tell me some good things about Tom Ripley. Don't get up. Just tell me some nice things. +Good things about Tom Ripley? Could take some time!... Tom is talented. Tom is tender... Tom is beautiful... You're such a liar... +You're such a liar... ...Tom is a mystery... +Dickie Greenleaf? Yes? +Yes? Inspector Roverini. Can we come in? +It's a terrible shock, eh? What time did Signor Miles leave yesterday? I can't be absolutely sure -- 8? 9? We'd both taken on far too many drinks -- but it was dark, it was certainly dark when I walked him down to his car. +I can't be absolutely sure -- 8? 9? We'd both taken on far too many drinks -- but it was dark, it was certainly dark when I walked him down to his car. So Signor Miles drove away and you did what? +So Signor Miles drove away and you did what? I went to bed. Freddie's a big man, but I'm in trouble after a couple of drinks. I've suffered all day. Who found him? +Senta. We have to ask you to stay in Rome. Yes, if it's going to help, certainly. +Yes, if it's going to help, certainly. So, the Doctor, he has to make the -- -- come se dice? +So, the Doctor, he has to make the -- -- come se dice? Postmortem? +Postmortem? Yes, exactly, but his first, his first conclusion was that Signor Miles was killed not later than seven o'clock yesterday evening. +Yes, exactly, but his first, his first conclusion was that Signor Miles was killed not later than seven o'clock yesterday evening. Well, he certainly wasn't dead when he drove off in his car. +Well, he certainly wasn't dead when he drove off in his car. No. +Can we go up? Do you mind? Of course. What happened to your face? +Of course. What happened to your face? My scooter. I fell off. Getting chased by photographers. +The telephone, the press, I've been, I'm feeling hounded -- do you think you could not give out my address? Never. We've had many requests and, of course, we say no -- even to your fiancée. +Never. We've had many requests and, of course, we say no -- even to your fiancée. I really don't want to see anybody. +I really don't want to see anybody. Even your fiancée...? +Even your fiancée...? Even her. +Even her. What about Thomas Ripley? +What about Thomas Ripley? What about Ripley? +Yes, sure, we did go to San Remo. That was months ago. November, I thought. +November, I thought. Was it? Did you speak to Tom? +Was it? Did you speak to Tom? November 7th is my information. +November 7th is my information. I don't remember the exact date. +I don't remember the exact date. And when did you last see Signor Ripley? +And when did you last see Signor Ripley? A few days ago. +A few days ago. Does he stay with you here? +Does he stay with you here? No! +No! No. Here is a pattern. Two days ago Freddie Miles is dead -- he leaves your apartment and is murdered. Yesterday a little boat is found in San Remo full of rocks, and the owner tells the Police it was stolen on November 7th. We look at hotel records and we see oh! Dickie Greenleaf is staying in San Remo and then our boatman remembers two Americans taking a boat. +No. Here is a pattern. Two days ago Freddie Miles is dead -- he leaves your apartment and is murdered. Yesterday a little boat is found in San Remo full of rocks, and the owner tells the Police it was stolen on November 7th. We look at hotel records and we see oh! Dickie Greenleaf is staying in San Remo and then our boatman remembers two Americans taking a boat. It's not a pattern, it's a coincidence. There must be fifty hotels in San Remo, there must have been a hundred people renting a boat on that day. +It's not a pattern, it's a coincidence. There must be fifty hotels in San Remo, there must have been a hundred people renting a boat on that day. 31 people. +31 people. 31 people. +That is Miss Sherwood now. Marge Sherwood. Let her in, what's the difference? Let her in. No, actually, no, I'd like it very much if you would ask her to come back later. +Thank you. May I ask... why would you speak to your friend and not your fiancée? +May I ask... why would you speak to your friend and not your fiancée? I think I just said. Ripley was handling some business for me, nor does Mr Ripley want to marry me. Nor did he ask me every day if I would marry him. And when. +I think I just said. Ripley was handling some business for me, nor does Mr Ripley want to marry me. Nor did he ask me every day if I would marry him. And when. Do you have a photograph of Signor Ripley? +Do you have a photograph of Signor Ripley? I'm not in the habit of carrying around photographs of my male friends. +I'm not in the habit of carrying around photographs of my male friends. Now I think I have upset you. My English perhaps is coarse. +Now I think I have upset you. My English perhaps is coarse. It is a little coarse, yes. +It is a little coarse, yes. Sorry. No one has seen Signor Ripley since San -- +Sorry. No one has seen Signor Ripley since San -- I have! +I have! You have, yes. +You have, yes. No, I have and so has Miss Sherwood, ask her! And if I could remember which hotel he was staying at -- the Goldoni! -- Tom was staying at the Goldoni. +No, I have and so has Miss Sherwood, ask her! And if I could remember which hotel he was staying at -- the Goldoni! -- Tom was staying at the Goldoni. Good. The Goldoni. Yes -- you're right. A coincidence. I look forward to our next meeting when I will be more careful with my English and persuade you to play me your saxophone. Alto. +Good. The Goldoni. Yes -- you're right. A coincidence. I look forward to our next meeting when I will be more careful with my English and persuade you to play me your saxophone. Alto. Absolutely. +Absolutely. I have a witness who thinks they saw two men getting into Mr Miles' car. She wants to identify you in a -- confronto -- line-up. Tomorrow then? +I have a witness who thinks they saw two men getting into Mr Miles' car. She wants to identify you in a -- confronto -- line-up. Tomorrow then? Tomorrow. +You got a .44 Magnum? That's an expensive gun. +That's an expensive gun. I got money. +Some of these guns are like toys, but a Smith and Wesson, man, you can hit somebody over the head with it and it will still come back dead on. Nothing beats quality. You interested in an automatic? I want a .32. Revolver. And a palm gun. That .22 there. +I want a .32. Revolver. And a palm gun. That .22 there. That's the Colt .25 -- a fine little gun. Don't do a lot of damage, but it's as fast as the Devil. Handy little gun, you can carry it almost anywhere. I'll throw it in for another $125. +How much for everything. The .32's $150 -- and you're really getting a good deal now -- and all together it comes to, ah, seven eighty- five for four pieces and a holster. Hell, I'll give you the holster, we'll make it seventy-five and you've got a deal -- a good one. +The .32's $150 -- and you're really getting a good deal now -- and all together it comes to, ah, seven eighty- five for four pieces and a holster. Hell, I'll give you the holster, we'll make it seventy-five and you've got a deal -- a good one. How much to get a permit to carry? +How much to get a permit to carry? Well, you're talking big money now. I'd say at least five grand, maybe more, and it would take a while to check it out. The way things are going now $5.000 is probably low. You see, I try not to fool with the small-time crap. Too risky, too little bread. Say 6 G's, but if I get the permit it'll be as solid as the Empire State Building. +Well, you're talking big money now. I'd say at least five grand, maybe more, and it would take a while to check it out. The way things are going now $5.000 is probably low. You see, I try not to fool with the small-time crap. Too risky, too little bread. Say 6 G's, but if I get the permit it'll be as solid as the Empire State Building. Nah, this'll be fine. +Nah, this'll be fine. You can't carry in a cab even with a permit -- so why bother? +You can't carry in a cab even with a permit -- so why bother? Is there a firing range around? +Is there a firing range around? Sure, here, take this card, go to this place and give 'em the card. They'll charge you, but there won't be any hassle. +You in Nam? Can't help but notice your jacket? Huh? +Huh? Vietnam? I saw it on your jacket. Where were you? Bet you got to handle a lot of weapons out there. +Yeah. I was all around. One hospital, then the next. It's hell out there all right. A real shit-eatin' war. I'll say this, though: It's bringing a lot of fantastic guns. The market's flooded. Colt automatics are all over. +It's hell out there all right. A real shit-eatin' war. I'll say this, though: It's bringing a lot of fantastic guns. The market's flooded. Colt automatics are all over. They'd never get me to go back. They'd have to shoot me first. You got anything to carry these in? +You like ball games? Huh? +Huh? I can get you front and center. What do you like? I can get you Mets, Knicks, Rangers? Hell, I can get you the Mayor's box. +I can get you front and center. What do you like? I can get you Mets, Knicks, Rangers? Hell, I can get you the Mayor's box. Nah. I ain't interested. +Is that so? But what do you think of Charles Palantine? Who mam? +Who mam? Charles Palantine. The man you want to volunteer to help elect president. +Charles Palantine. The man you want to volunteer to help elect president. Oh, I think he's a wonderful man. Make a great, great President. +Oh, I think he's a wonderful man. Make a great, great President. You want to canvass? +You want to canvass? Yes, mam. +Well, that's not exactly what the Senator has proposed. You might not want to canvass, but there is plenty more other work we need done: Office work, filing, poster hanging. I'm a good worker, Betsy mam, a real good worker. +I'm a good worker, Betsy mam, a real good worker. If you talk to Tom, he'll assign you to something. +If you talk to Tom, he'll assign you to something. If you don't mind, mam, I'd rather work for you. +If you don't mind, mam, I'd rather work for you. Well, we're all working tonight. +Well, we're all working tonight. Well, Betsy mam, I drive a taxi at night. +Well, Betsy mam, I drive a taxi at night. Well, then, what is it you exactly want to do? +Well, then, what is it you exactly want to do? If you don't mind, mam, I'd be mighty pleased if you'd go out and have some coffee and pie with me. +Why? Well, Betsy mam, I drive by this place here in my taxi many times a day. And I watch you sitting here at this big long desk with these telephones, and I say to myself, that's a lonely girl. She needs a friend. And I'm gonna be her friend. +I don't know... It's just to the corner, mam. In broad daytime. Nothing can happen. I'll be there to protect you. +It's just to the corner, mam. In broad daytime. Nothing can happen. I'll be there to protect you. All right. All right. I'm taking a break at four o'clock. If you're here then we'll go to the corner and have some coffee and pie. +All right. All right. I'm taking a break at four o'clock. If you're here then we'll go to the corner and have some coffee and pie. Oh, I appreciate that, Betsy mam. I'll be here at four o'clock exactly. And... ah... Betsy... +Oh, I appreciate that, Betsy mam. I'll be here at four o'clock exactly. And... ah... Betsy... Yes? +Yes? My name is Travis. +My name is Travis. Thank you, Travis. +We've signed up 15,000 Palantine volunteers in New York so far. The organizational problems are becoming just staggering. "I know what you mean. I've got the same problems. I just can't get things organized. Little things, I mean. Like my room, my possessions. I should get one of those signs that says, ""One of these days I'm gonna get organezizied""" +Travis, I never ever met anybody like you before. I can believe that. +I can believe that. Where do you live? +Where do you live? Oh, uptown. You know. Some joint. It ain't much. +Oh, uptown. You know. Some joint. It ain't much. So why did you decide to drive a taxi at night? +So why did you decide to drive a taxi at night? I had a regular job for a while, days. You know, doin' this, doin' that. But I didn't have anything to do at night. I got kinda lonely, you know, just wandering around. So I decided to works nights. It ain't good to be alone, you know. +I had a regular job for a while, days. You know, doin' this, doin' that. But I didn't have anything to do at night. I got kinda lonely, you know, just wandering around. So I decided to works nights. It ain't good to be alone, you know. After this job, I'm looking forward to being alone for a while. +After this job, I'm looking forward to being alone for a while. Yeah, well... In a cab you get to meet people. You meet lotsa people. It's good for you. +Yeah, well... In a cab you get to meet people. You meet lotsa people. It's good for you. What kind of people? +What kind of people? Just people people, you know. Just people. Had a dead man once. +Just people people, you know. Just people. Had a dead man once. Really? +Really? "He'd been shot. I didn't know that. He just crawled into the back seat, said ""West 45th Street"" and conked out." +"He'd been shot. I didn't know that. He just crawled into the back seat, said ""West 45th Street"" and conked out." What did you do? +What did you do? I shut the meter off, for one thing. I knew I wasn't going to get paid. Then I dropped him off at the cop shop. They took him. +I shut the meter off, for one thing. I knew I wasn't going to get paid. Then I dropped him off at the cop shop. They took him. That's really something. +That's really something. Oh, you see lots of freaky stuff in a cab. Especially when the moon's out. +Oh, you see lots of freaky stuff in a cab. Especially when the moon's out. The moon? +The moon? The full moon. One night I had three or four weirdos in a row and I looked up and, sure enough, there it was -- the full moon. +Com'on, Travis. It's not that bad. I take lots of taxis. I know. I could have picked you up. +I know. I could have picked you up. Huh? +Huh? Late one night. About three. At the plaza. +Late one night. About three. At the plaza. Three in the morning? I don't think so. I have to go to bed early. I work days. It must have been somebody else. +Three in the morning? I don't think so. I have to go to bed early. I work days. It must have been somebody else. No. It was you. You had some manila folders and a pink bag from Saks. +You're right! Now I remember! It was after the Western regional planners were in town and the meeting went late. The next day I was completely bushed. It was unbelievable. If it wasn't for a drunk I would have picked you up. He wanted to go to the DMZ. +If it wasn't for a drunk I would have picked you up. He wanted to go to the DMZ. The DMZ? +The DMZ? South Bronx. The worst. I tried to ditch him, but he was already in the cab, so I had to take him. That's the law. Otherwise I would have picked you up. +South Bronx. The worst. I tried to ditch him, but he was already in the cab, so I had to take him. That's the law. Otherwise I would have picked you up. That would have been quite a coincidence. +That would have been quite a coincidence. You'd be surprised how often you see the same people, get the same fare. People have patterns. They do more or less the same things every day. I can tell. +You'd be surprised how often you see the same people, get the same fare. People have patterns. They do more or less the same things every day. I can tell. Well, I don't go to the Plaza every night. +Well, I don't go to the Plaza every night. I didn't mean you. But just ordinary people. A guy I know -- Dough-Boy -- met his wife that way. They got to talking. She said she usually caught the bus so he started picking her up at the bus stop, taking her home with the flag up. +I didn't mean you. But just ordinary people. A guy I know -- Dough-Boy -- met his wife that way. They got to talking. She said she usually caught the bus so he started picking her up at the bus stop, taking her home with the flag up. That's very romantic. Some of your fares must be interesting. See any stars, politicians, deliver any babies yet? +That's very romantic. Some of your fares must be interesting. See any stars, politicians, deliver any babies yet? Well, no... not really... had some famous people in the cab. I got this guy who makes lasers. Not regular lasers, not the big kind. Little lasers, pocket sized, small enough to clip your belt like a transistor radio, like a gun, you know. Like a ray gun. Zap. +Well, no... not really... had some famous people in the cab. I got this guy who makes lasers. Not regular lasers, not the big kind. Little lasers, pocket sized, small enough to clip your belt like a transistor radio, like a gun, you know. Like a ray gun. Zap. What hours do you work? +What hours do you work? I work a single, which means there's no replacement -- no second man on the cab. Six to six, sometimes eight. Seventy-two hours a week. +I work a single, which means there's no replacement -- no second man on the cab. Six to six, sometimes eight. Seventy-two hours a week. You mean you work seventy-two hours a week. +You mean you work seventy-two hours a week. Sometimes 76 or 80. Sometimes I squeeze a few more hours in the morning. Eighty miles a day, a hundred miles a night. +Sometimes 76 or 80. Sometimes I squeeze a few more hours in the morning. Eighty miles a day, a hundred miles a night. You must be rich. +You must be rich. It keeps ya busy. +It keeps ya busy. You know what you remind me of? +You know what you remind me of? What? +What? "That song by Kris Kristofferson, where it's said ""Like a pusher, party truth, partly fiction, a walking contradiction""." +"That song by Kris Kristofferson, where it's said ""Like a pusher, party truth, partly fiction, a walking contradiction""." I'm no pusher, Betsy. Honest. I never have pushed. +I'm no pusher, Betsy. Honest. I never have pushed. I didn't mean that, Travis. Just the part about the contradiction. +I didn't mean that, Travis. Just the part about the contradiction. Oh. Who was that again? +Oh. Who was that again? The singer? +The singer? Yeah. Yes. I don't follow music too much. +Yeah. Yes. I don't follow music too much. Kris Kristofferson. +You didn't have to spend your money -- ? He'll, what else can I do with it all? +Travis, you haven't even played the record? Yeah, well my stereo player is broke. But I'm sure the record is OK. +Yeah, well my stereo player is broke. But I'm sure the record is OK. Your stereo broke? God, I could hardly stand that. I live on music. +Your stereo broke? God, I could hardly stand that. I live on music. I don't follow music much. I'd like to though. Honest. +I don't follow music much. I'd like to though. Honest. So you haven't heard this record yet? +So you haven't heard this record yet? No. I thought maybe you could play it for me on your player. +What are you doing? I bought a couple of tickets. +I bought a couple of tickets. But this is a porno movie. +But this is a porno movie. No, these are the kind that couples go to. They're not like the other movies. All kinds of couples go. Honest. I've seen them. +Damn. What's wrong? +What's wrong? I forgot to get the Coca-Cola. +Where are you going? I'm leaving. +I'm leaving. What do you mean? +These are not the kind of movies I go to. Well, I don't follow movies too much... +Well, I don't follow movies too much... You mean these are the only kind of movies you go to? +This is sort of high class... I mean porno movies. +I mean porno movies. Well... mostly... +Well... mostly... My God! +My God! We can go to another movie if you like, I don't care. I got money. There's plenty... +...there's plenty of movies around here. I haven't seen any of them, but I'm sure they're good. No, Travis. You're a sweet guy and all that, but I think this is it. I'm going home. +No, Travis. You're a sweet guy and all that, but I think this is it. I'm going home. You mean you don't want to go to a movie? There's plenty of movies around here. +You mean you don't want to go to a movie? There's plenty of movies around here. No, I don't feel so good. We're just two very different kinds of people, that's all. +No, I don't feel so good. We're just two very different kinds of people, that's all. Huh? +Huh? It's very simple. You go your way, I'll go mine. Thanks anyway, Travis. +It's very simple. You go your way, I'll go mine. Thanks anyway, Travis. But... Betsy... +But... Betsy... I'm getting a taxi. +What about the record? Keep it. +Keep it. Can I call you? +Hello, Travis. Hello, Betsy. +I see where Palantine got the nomination. Yes. It won't be long now. Seventeen days. +Yes. It won't be long now. Seventeen days. Well, I hope he wins. +How are you, Travis? I read about you in the papers. Oh, I got over that. It was nothing, really. The papers always blow these things up. A little stiffness. That'll go away. I just sleep more, that's all. +No, no, please. This fare's on me. Please. Thank you, Travis. +Travis? Yeah. +Yeah. Maybe I'll see you again sometime, huh? +Maybe I'll see you again sometime, huh? Sure. +Tom, come here a moment. I think this canvas report is about ready to go out. Check it out with Andy, and if he okays if, have a copy made for the campaign headquarters in every county. And don't forget to add the new photo releases. The senator's white paper is almost ready, Bets. Should we wait for that? +The senator's white paper is almost ready, Bets. Should we wait for that? Andy usually just sends those to the national media. The local press doesn't know what to do with a position paper until UPI and AP tell them anyway. +Andy usually just sends those to the national media. The local press doesn't know what to do with a position paper until UPI and AP tell them anyway. I think we should try to get maximum coverage for this new mandatory welfare program. Push the issues. +I think we should try to get maximum coverage for this new mandatory welfare program. Push the issues. First push the man, then the issue. Senator Palantine is first of all a dynamic man, an intelligent, interesting, fascinating man. +First push the man, then the issue. Senator Palantine is first of all a dynamic man, an intelligent, interesting, fascinating man. "You forgot ""sexy""." +"You forgot ""sexy""." "No, I didn't forget ""sexy""." +"No, I didn't forget ""sexy""." Just didn't get around to it, huh? +Just didn't get around to it, huh? Oh, Tom, please. +Oh, Tom, please. Well, for Christsakes, you sound like you're selling... I don't know what... cars... not issues. +Well, for Christsakes, you sound like you're selling... I don't know what... cars... not issues. Have you ever wondered why CBS News has the highest ratings? +Have you ever wondered why CBS News has the highest ratings? More people watch it. +More people watch it. Alright, forget it if you're not going to be serious, +Alright, forget it if you're not going to be serious, No, c'mon, I'm listening. I was just... +No, c'mon, I'm listening. I was just... Just what? +Just what? Kidding around... you know, fun. +Maybe if you'd try thinking once in a while, you'd get somewhere. With who? +With who? Alright, now. You want to know why CBS has the highest ratings? You think their news is any different from NBC, ABC? It's all the same news. Same stories. Same order usually. What, you thought they had good news for people, right? You thought that's why people watched CBS? I'll tell you why people watch CBS. Cronkite. The man. You got it? Not the news, not the issues, the man. If Walter Cronkite told people to eat soap, they'd do it. We are selling cars, goddamn it. +Well, if Cronkite's so great, why don't we run him instead? That's the last. The finish. Period. Some people can learn. Some people can't. And you wonder why we never get serious -- +That's the last. The finish. Period. Some people can learn. Some people can't. And you wonder why we never get serious -- Sure we could run him. You realize he's already head of his block association. +Sure we could run him. You realize he's already head of his block association. Have you been noticing anything strange? +Have you been noticing anything strange? No, why? +No, why? Why's that taxi driver across the street been staring at us? +Why's that taxi driver across the street been staring at us? What taxi driver? +What taxi driver? That taxi driver. The one that's been sitting here. +That taxi driver. The one that's been sitting here. How long has he been there? +How long has he been there? I don't know -- but it feels like a long time. +Try holding the match like this. This is gotta be a game, right? +This is gotta be a game, right? This I gotta see. +This I gotta see. Ouch! +Ouch! Oh, are you all right? +Oh, are you all right? I'm great. Always set my fingers on fire. If you want to see another trick. I do this thing with my nose. +I'm great. Always set my fingers on fire. If you want to see another trick. I do this thing with my nose. No. I just wanted to see if you could light it that way. The guy at the newsstand can. +No. I just wanted to see if you could light it that way. The guy at the newsstand can. Ah, yes, the guy at the newsstand, Mr. Asbestos... +Ah, yes, the guy at the newsstand, Mr. Asbestos... He happens to be missing fingers. I first noticed when -- +He happens to be missing fingers. I first noticed when -- Is he Italian? +Is he Italian? No, why? +No, why? You sure he's not Italian? +You sure he's not Italian? He's Black, OK? +He's Black, OK? Well, If he had been Italian, they could have been shot off. Sometimes the mob does that to teach guys a lesson, If they blow a job or something. +Well, If he had been Italian, they could have been shot off. Sometimes the mob does that to teach guys a lesson, If they blow a job or something. As I said, he isn't Italian. Besides, I thought they just killed them. +As I said, he isn't Italian. Besides, I thought they just killed them. Don't be naive. They can't kill everybody. They have different punishments for different things. Like, if they kill a stool pigeon, they leave a canary on the body. It's symbolic. +Don't be naive. They can't kill everybody. They have different punishments for different things. Like, if they kill a stool pigeon, they leave a canary on the body. It's symbolic. Why don't they leave a pigeon instead of a canary? +Why don't they leave a pigeon instead of a canary? I don't know. Maybe they don't leave a canary. Don't be technical. What I'm saying is if this newsstand guy's Italian and his fingers are gone, maybe he's a thief. +I don't know. Maybe they don't leave a canary. Don't be technical. What I'm saying is if this newsstand guy's Italian and his fingers are gone, maybe he's a thief. First, he's not Italian. Second he's not a thief. I noticed the fingers when he was getting my change -- the right change. Two of his fingers are missing. Just stubs. Like they were blown away. I was putting my change in my purse when I saw him get out a cigarette. I couldn't help watching. I was dying to see how he'd light it. +First, he's not Italian. Second he's not a thief. I noticed the fingers when he was getting my change -- the right change. Two of his fingers are missing. Just stubs. Like they were blown away. I was putting my change in my purse when I saw him get out a cigarette. I couldn't help watching. I was dying to see how he'd light it. With the other hand, right? +With the other hand, right? No, stupid. With the stubs. That's the whole point. +No, stupid. With the stubs. That's the whole point. I know that guy. His hand looks like a paw. An old Black guy, the newsstand at -- +I know that guy. His hand looks like a paw. An old Black guy, the newsstand at -- No, this is young -- well, I'm never sure how old Black people are -- but, anyway, he isn't old. That's for sure. +No, this is young -- well, I'm never sure how old Black people are -- but, anyway, he isn't old. That's for sure. Show me how he did that again. +Betsy, come over here a moment. What is it? I'm busy. +What is it? I'm busy. Just follow me. +No, I don't think so. That's someone else. Now look more closely. Look around the eyes and chin. See? See there? +What is your name? My name is Travis. Awh, come off it, Pal. +Awh, come off it, Pal. No, I'm serious, really... +No, I'm serious, really... Ya want me to call da boss? Huh? That what you want? +Ya want me to call da boss? Huh? That what you want? No, no, it's alright. I'll have a big Coca-Cola -- without ice -- and a large buttered popcorn, and... ...some of them chocolate covered malted milk balls... and ju-jukes, a box. They last. +No, no, it's alright. I'll have a big Coca-Cola -- without ice -- and a large buttered popcorn, and... ...some of them chocolate covered malted milk balls... and ju-jukes, a box. They last. We don't have ju-jukes. We don't have Coca-Cola. We only got Royal Crown Cola. +We don't have ju-jukes. We don't have Coca-Cola. We only got Royal Crown Cola. That's fine. +That's fine. That's a dollar forty-seven. +First she did her make-up. You know, I hate it when they do that. I mean she does the whole works, the mascara, the eye-shadow, the lipstick, the rouge... Not rouge. Blush-On, they call it. +Not rouge. Blush-On, they call it. The kind with a brush. +Yeah, that's Blush-On. My wife uses it, Ask Travis. He's the ladies man. +Well, whatever the fuck it is, she used it. And then the spray perfume. You know, the real sweat kind -- and, on top of that, get this, right when we're crossing the Tri-boro bridge -- she changes her pantyhose! No. +Yeah. Could you see anything? +Could you see anything? Well, she was trying to keep her skirt down, sort of, you know. But it was pretty obvious what she was doing. I mean, Christ, it was rush hour and the traffic's practically standing still. +Well, she was trying to keep her skirt down, sort of, you know. But it was pretty obvious what she was doing. I mean, Christ, it was rush hour and the traffic's practically standing still. What did you do? +What did you do? Threw on the emergency, jumped the seat and fucked her brains out -- What do you think! What do I have to do? Draw you a picture? +Threw on the emergency, jumped the seat and fucked her brains out -- What do you think! What do I have to do? Draw you a picture? Yeah. +Yeah. What was I supposed to do? I was watching in the rear view. You know, just checkin' traffic. So howsit? +"Sure. What do you think? She wanted to get out of the cab. I said ""Look, you're in the middle of the fucking bridge...""" You said that? +You said that? "Well, I said, ""Lady, please, we're on a bridge...""" +"Well, I said, ""Lady, please, we're on a bridge...""" And what happened? +She stayed in the cab, what's she gonna do? But she stiffed me. A real skunk. A real skunk. +Yeah. We went to Harvard together. We call him Dough-Boy cause he likes the dollars. He'll chase a buck straight into Jersey. +We call him Dough-Boy cause he likes the dollars. He'll chase a buck straight into Jersey. Look who's talking? Who else would stay up all night to catch the morning rush hour? +You run all over town, don't you, Travis? Fuckin' Mau Mau land, that's what it is. +Well, you ever need one, I know a feller that kin getcha a real nice deal. Lotsa shit around. The cops and company raise hell they find out. +Truck drivers bring up Harlem Specials that blow up in your hand. But this guy don't deal no shit. Just quality. If you ever need anything, I can put you in touch. For a fee. +For a fee. For a fee. +For a fee. I never use mine. But it's a good thing to have. Just as a threat. +I never use mine. But it's a good thing to have. Just as a threat. Well, if there's this many hackies inside, there must be lots of fares outside. And I'm gonna hustle 'em. +Well, if there's this many hackies inside, there must be lots of fares outside. And I'm gonna hustle 'em. What ya gonna do with all that money, Dough-Boy? +What ya gonna do with all that money, Dough-Boy? Support my kids. Can you dig it? Nice to meet ya, Travis. So long, Wizard. Say hello to Malcolm X for me. +...he called up the Dispatcher last night. Charlie McCall, our dispatcher... One-Ball McCall? +One-Ball McCall? "That's the guy. Eddie calls him up and says, ""Hey, what do you want me to do. I'm over here at Poly Prep. I got a girl in the back and she doesn't have the fare. She wants me to come in back and collect. What should I do?" +Fuckin' One-Ball. "And the kid says, ""Yeah. She's about 19, good-lookin."" McCall says, ""What can I tell you?""" +Some fleet driver for Bell just got cut up. Just heard it on the radio. Stick up? +Stick up? No, just some crazy fucker. Cut half his ear off. +No, just some crazy fucker. Cut half his ear off. Where. +Where. In the jungle. 122nd. +Huh? I mean, you handle some pretty rough traffic, huh? +I mean, you handle some pretty rough traffic, huh? I have. +I have. You carry a piece? You need one? +You carry a piece? You need one? Nah. I suppose not. +20 bucks? Yeah. Hey thanks. That's real nice, Travis. +Hello. You looking for some action? +You looking for some action? Well... I guess so. +Well... I guess so. All right. You see that guy over there? His name is Sport. Go talk to him. I'll wait here. +Why you hang around with them greasers? A girl needs protection. +A girl needs protection. Yeah. From the likes of them. +Yeah. From the likes of them. It's your time mister. Fifteen minutes ain't long. That cigarette burns out, your time is up. +What's your name? Easy. +Easy. That ain't much of a name. +That ain't much of a name. It's easy to remember. Easy Lay. +It's easy to remember. Easy Lay. What's your real name? +What's your real name? I don't like my real name. +I don't like my real name. What's your real name? +What's your real name? Iris. +Iris. That's a nice name. +That's a nice name. That's what you think. +Why? Who are you? I drive a taxi. You tried to get away one night. Remember? +I drive a taxi. You tried to get away one night. Remember? No. +No. You tried to run away in my taxi but your friend -- Sport -- wouldn't let you. +You tried to run away in my taxi but your friend -- Sport -- wouldn't let you. I don't remember. +I don't remember. It don't matter. I'm gonna get you outta here. +It don't matter. I'm gonna get you outta here. We better make it, or Sport'll get mad. How do you want to make it? +We better make it, or Sport'll get mad. How do you want to make it? I don't want to make it. I came here to get you out. +I don't want to make it. I came here to get you out. You want to make it like this? +Can't you listen to me? Don't you want to get out of here? Why should I want to get out of here? This is where I live. +Why should I want to get out of here? This is where I live. But you're the one that wanted to get away. You're the one that came into my cab. +But you're the one that wanted to get away. You're the one that came into my cab. I musta been stoned. +I musta been stoned. Do they drug you? +Do they drug you? Oh, come off it, man. +Listen... Don't you want to make it? Can't you make it? +Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! You can do it in my mouth. +You can do it in my mouth. Don't you understand anything? +Do you understand why I came here? I think so. I tried to get into your cab one night, and now you want to come and take me away. +I think so. I tried to get into your cab one night, and now you want to come and take me away. Don't you want to go? +Don't you want to go? I can leave anytime I want. +I can leave anytime I want. But that one night? +But that one night? I was stoned. That's why they stopped me. When I'm not stoned, I got no place else to go. They just protect me from myself. +Well, I tried. I understand, mister. It means something, really. +I understand, mister. It means something, really. Can I see you again? +Can I see you again? That's not hard to do. +That's not hard to do. No, I mean really. This is nothing for a person to do. +No, I mean really. This is nothing for a person to do. Sure. All right. We'll have breakfast. I get up about one o'clock. Tomorrow. +Sure. All right. We'll have breakfast. I get up about one o'clock. Tomorrow. Well tomorrow noon there's a... I got a... +Well, you want to or not? O.K. It's a date. I'll see you here, then. +...and after that Sport and I just started hanging out... Where is home? +Where? Pittsburgh. +Pittsburgh. I ain't ever been there, but it don't seem like such a bad place. +I ain't ever been there, but it don't seem like such a bad place. Why do you want me to go back to my parents? They hate me. Why do you think I split? There ain't nothin there. +Why do you want me to go back to my parents? They hate me. Why do you think I split? There ain't nothin there. But you can't live like this. It's hell. Girls should live at home. +But you can't live like this. It's hell. Girls should live at home. Didn't you ever hear of women's lib? +God, you are square. At least I don't walk the streets like a skunk pussy. I don't screw and fuck with killers and junkies. +Who's a killer? "That fella ""Sport"" looks like a killer to me." +"That fella ""Sport"" looks like a killer to me." He never killed nobody. He's a Libra. +He never killed nobody. He's a Libra. Huh? +Huh? I'm a Libra too. That's why we get along so well. +I'm a Libra too. That's why we get along so well. He looks like a killer. +He looks like a killer. I think Cancer's make the best lovers. My whole family are air signs. +I think Cancer's make the best lovers. My whole family are air signs. He shoots dope too. +He shoots dope too. What makes you so high and mighty? Did you ever look at your own eyeballs in a mirror. You don't get eyes like that from... +What makes you so high and mighty? Did you ever look at your own eyeballs in a mirror. You don't get eyes like that from... He's worse than an animal. Jail's too good for scum like that. +Rock music died in 1970, that's what I think. Before that it was fantastic. I can tell you that. Everybody was crashing, hanging out at the Fillmore. Me and my girlfriend Ann used to go up the fire escape, you know? It was unbelievable. Rock Stars everywhere. That Airplane -- that's my group, man. All Libras. But now everybody's split or got sick or busted. I think I'll move to one of those communes in Vermont, you know? That's where all the smart ones went. I stayed here. I never been to a commune. I don't know. I saw pictures in a magazine, and it didn't look very clean to me. +I never been to a commune. I don't know. I saw pictures in a magazine, and it didn't look very clean to me. Why don't you come to a commune with me? +Why don't you come to a commune with me? Me? I could never go to a place like that. +Me? I could never go to a place like that. Why not? +Why not? I... I don't get along with people like that. +I... I don't get along with people like that. You a scorpion? That's it. You're a scorpion. I can tell. +You a scorpion? That's it. You're a scorpion. I can tell. Besides, I've got to stay here. +Besides, I've got to stay here. Why? +Why? I've got something important to do. I can't leave. +I've got something important to do. I can't leave. What's so important? +What's so important? I can't say -- it's top secret. I'm doing something for the Army. The cab thing is just part time. +I can't say -- it's top secret. I'm doing something for the Army. The cab thing is just part time. You a narc? +You a narc? Do I look like a narc? +Do I look like a narc? Yeah. +God, I don't know who's weirder, you or me. What are you going to do about Sport and that old bastard? +What are you going to do about Sport and that old bastard? Just leave'em. There's plenty of other girls. +Just leave'em. There's plenty of other girls. You just gonna leave 'em? +You just gonna leave 'em? What should I do? Call the cops? +What should I do? Call the cops? Cops don't do nothin. +Cops don't do nothin. Sport never treated me bad, honest. Never beat me up once. +Sport never treated me bad, honest. Never beat me up once. You can't leave 'em to do the same to other girls. You should get rid of them. +You can't leave 'em to do the same to other girls. You should get rid of them. How? +How? I don't know. Just should, though. Somebody should kill 'em. Nobody'd miss 'em. +I don't know. Just should, though. Somebody should kill 'em. Nobody'd miss 'em. God. I know where they should have a commune for you. They should have a commune for you at Bellevue. +God. I know where they should have a commune for you. They should have a commune for you at Bellevue. I'm sorry, Iris. I didn't mean that. +I'm sorry, Iris. I didn't mean that. You're not much with girls, are you? +You're not much with girls, are you? Well, Iris, I look at it this way. A lot of girls come into my cab, some of them very beautiful. And I figure all day long men have been after them: trying to touch them, talk to them, ask them out. And they hate it. So I figure the best I can do for them is not bother them at all. So I don't say a thing. I pretend I'm not even there. I figure they'll understand that and appreciate me for it. +Do you really think I should go to the commune? I think you should go home, but otherwise I think you should go. It would be great for you. You have to get away from here. The city's a sewer, you gotta get out of it. +Sure you don't want to come with me? I can't. Otherwise, I would. +I can't. Otherwise, I would. I sure hate to go alone... +I sure hate to go alone... I'll give you the money to go. I don't want you to take any from those guys. +I'll give you the money to go. I don't want you to take any from those guys. You don't have to. +You don't have to. I want to -- what else can I do with my money? You may not see me again -- for a while. +I want to -- what else can I do with my money? You may not see me again -- for a while. What do you mean? +What do you mean? My work may take me out of New York. +Why should it be grounded? Listen -- I mean I just saw the needle of the Empire State Building. You can't see it for the fog! +Listen -- I mean I just saw the needle of the Empire State Building. You can't see it for the fog! Then it's a good guess it's grounded. +Then it's a good guess it's grounded. The Empire State in fog means something, don't it? Do you know, or don't you? What is your number, cabbie? +The Empire State in fog means something, don't it? Do you know, or don't you? What is your number, cabbie? Have you tried the telephone? +Have you tried the telephone? There isn't time for that. In other words, you don't know. +There isn't time for that. In other words, you don't know. No. +No. Well, you should know, damn it, or who else would know? Pull over right here. Why don't you stick your goddamn head out of the goddamn window once in a while and find out about the goddamn fog! +Say, aren't you Charles Palantine, the candidate? Yes I am. +Yes I am. Well, I'm one of your biggest supporters. I tell everybody that comes in this cab that they should vote for you. +Well, I'm one of your biggest supporters. I tell everybody that comes in this cab that they should vote for you. Why, thank you Travis. +Why, thank you Travis. I'm sure you'll win, sir. Everybody I know is going to vote for you. I was going to put one of your stickers on my taxi but the company said it was against their policy. +I'm sure you'll win, sir. Everybody I know is going to vote for you. I was going to put one of your stickers on my taxi but the company said it was against their policy. I'll tell you, Travis, I've learned more about this country sitting in taxi cabs than in the board room of General Motors. +Travis, what single thing would you want the next President of this country to do most? I don't know, sir. I don't follow political issues much. +I don't know, sir. I don't follow political issues much. There must be something... +There must be something... Well, he should clean up this city here. It's full of filth and scum. Scum and filth. It's like an open sewer. I can hardly take it. Some days I go out and smell it then I get headaches that just stay and never go away. We need a President that would clean up this whole mess. Flush it out. +I know what you mean, Travis, and it's not going to be easy. We're going to have to make some radical changes. Damn straight. +Nice talking to you, Travis. Thank you, sir. You're a good man, sir. +No trouble with the Hack Bureau? No Sir. +No Sir. Got your license? +Got your license? Yes. +Yes. So why do you want to be a taxi driver? +So why do you want to be a taxi driver? I can't sleep nights. +I can't sleep nights. There's porno theatres for that. +There's porno theatres for that. I know. I tried that. +So whatja do now? I ride around nights mostly. Subways, buses. See things. Figur'd I might as well get paid for it. +I ride around nights mostly. Subways, buses. See things. Figur'd I might as well get paid for it. We don't need any misfits around here, son. +You kiddin? Who else would hack through South Bronx or Harlem at night? You want to work uptown nights? +You want to work uptown nights? I'll work anywhere, anytime. I know I can't be choosy. +I'll work anywhere, anytime. I know I can't be choosy. How's your driving record? +How's your driving record? Clean. Real clean. As clean as my conscience. +Clean. Real clean. As clean as my conscience. Listen, son, you gonna get smart, you can leave right now. +Listen, son, you gonna get smart, you can leave right now. Sorry, sir. I didn't mean that. +Sorry, sir. I didn't mean that. Physical? Criminal? +Physical? Criminal? Also clean. +Also clean. Age? +Age? Twenty-six. +Twenty-six. Education? +Education? Some. Here and there. +Some. Here and there. Military record? +Military record? Honorable discharge. May 1971. +Honorable discharge. May 1971. You moonlightin? +You moonlightin? No, I want long shifts. +No, I want long shifts. We hire a lot of moonlighters here. +We hire a lot of moonlighters here. So I hear. +So I hear. Hell, we ain't that much fussy anyway. There's always opening on one fleet or another. Fill out these forms and give them to the girl at the desk, and leave your phone number. You gotta phone? +Hell, we ain't that much fussy anyway. There's always opening on one fleet or another. Fill out these forms and give them to the girl at the desk, and leave your phone number. You gotta phone? No. +No. Well then check back tomorrow. +Well then check back tomorrow. Yes, Sir. +Are you a Secret Service Man? Why do you ask? +Why do you ask? I've seen a lot of suspicious-looking people around here today. +Who? Oh, lots. I don't know where they all are now. There used to be one standing over there. +Is it hard to get to be a Secret Service Man? Why? +Why? I kinda thought I might make a good one. I'm very observant. +I kinda thought I might make a good one. I'm very observant. Oh? +Oh? I was in the Army too. And I'm good with crowds. +Is that so? What kind of guns do you guys use? .38's? +Look, um, if you give me your name and address, we'll send you the information on how to apply. You would, huh? +You would, huh? Sure. +Sure. "My name is Henry Krinkle -- that's with a ""K."" K-R-I-N-K-L-E. I live at 13 1/2 Hopper Avenue, Fair Lawn, New Jersey. Zip code 07410. Got that?" +"My name is Henry Krinkle -- that's with a ""K."" K-R-I-N-K-L-E. I live at 13 1/2 Hopper Avenue, Fair Lawn, New Jersey. Zip code 07410. Got that?" Sure, Henry. I got it all. We'll send you all the stuff all right. +Sure, Henry. I got it all. We'll send you all the stuff all right. Great, hey. Thanks a lot. +Here, officer, take me in. I'm clean. I didn't do it. Got a ticket once in Jersey. That's all. Honest, officer. Your name Sport? +Your name Sport? Anything you say, officer. +Anything you say, officer. I'm no cop. I want some action. +I'm no cop. I want some action. I saw. $20 fifteen minutes. $30 half hour. +I saw. $20 fifteen minutes. $30 half hour. Shit. +Shit. Take it or leave it. +I'm no cop. Well, if you are, it's entrapment already. +Well, if you are, it's entrapment already. I'm hip. +I'm hip. Funny, you don't look hip. +Hey, Sport. How are things? O.K., cowboy. +O.K., cowboy. How are things in the pimp business, hey Sport? +How are things in the pimp business, hey Sport? What's going on? +What's going on? I'm here to see Iris. +I'm here to see Iris. Iris? +Wha -- ? Yeah, Iris. You know anybody by that name? +Yeah, Iris. You know anybody by that name? No. Hillbilly, you'd better get your wise ass outa here and quick, or you're gonna be in trouble. +Get it. Hey, mister, I don't know what's going on here. This don't make any sense. +Hey, mister, I don't know what's going on here. This don't make any sense. Show it to me. +Travis. Hey Wizard. +So howsit? Some fleet driver for Bell just got cut up. Just heard it on the radio. +What's the action around? Slow. +Wiz? Yeah? +Yeah? Look, ah, we never talked much, you and me... +Look, ah, we never talked much, you and me... Yeah? +Yeah? I wanted to ask you something, on account you've been around so long. +I wanted to ask you something, on account you've been around so long. Shoot. They don't call me the Wizard for nothing. +Shoot. They don't call me the Wizard for nothing. Well, I just, you know... +Well, I just, you know... Things got ya down? +Things got ya down? Real down. +Real down. It happens. +It happens. Sometimes it gets so I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I get some real crazy ideas, you know? Just go out and do somethin. +Sometimes it gets so I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I get some real crazy ideas, you know? Just go out and do somethin. The taxi life, you mean. +The taxi life, you mean. Yeah. +Yeah. I know. +I know. Like do anything, you know. +Like do anything, you know. Travis, look, I dig it. Let me explain. You choose a certain way of life. You live it. It becomes what you are. I've been a hack 27 years, the last ten at night. Still don't own my own cab. I guess that's the way I want it. You see, that must be what I am. +Look, a person does a certain thing and that's all there is to it. It becomes what he is. Why fight it? What do you know? How long you been a hack, a couple months? You're like a peg and you get dropped into a slot and you got to squirm and wiggle around a while until you fit in. That's just about the dumbest thing I ever heard, Wizard. +That's just about the dumbest thing I ever heard, Wizard. What do you expect, Bertrand Russell? I've been a cabbie all my life, what do I know? I don't even know what you're talking about. +What do you expect, Bertrand Russell? I've been a cabbie all my life, what do I know? I don't even know what you're talking about. Neither do I, I guess. +Neither do I, I guess. You fit in. It's lonely, it's rough at first. But you fit in. You got no choice. +You fit in. It's lonely, it's rough at first. But you fit in. You got no choice. Yeah. Sorry, Wizard. +Yeah. Sorry, Wizard. Don't worry, Killer. You'll be all right. I seen enough to know. +Don't worry, Killer. You'll be all right. I seen enough to know. Thanks. +Had a close one. You want to talk about it? +Not really. You know how I feel about what you do. +Could we change the subject? That record company.in Nashville wants to hear my demo tape. +That record company.in Nashville wants to hear my demo tape. Hey! Now there's some good news. +Hey! Now there's some good news. You think I'm too... ethnic for country music? +You think I'm too... ethnic for country music? Carla Pestalozzi? No. Definitely not. You could have posed for the Mona= Lisa. Sophia Loren looks Swedish next to you. +Stick with Carla. Okay. How 'bout Carla Goodspeed? Six years, Bill. We've lived together six years. +Don't stop... do no stop. Shit, shit, shit what time is it. Hello. I'll be downstairs in ten minutes. +No. Ancient Greece. Alchimadus was imprisoned by his king. +Maybe. Not really. Archbishop of Canterbury. Imprisoned and executed by Henry the Second ... +Thank you. You're not wimping out on us, Goodspeed. +You're not wimping out on us, Goodspeed. "I join the F.B.I. I ask for fieldwork. They say, ""Bill, you're too fucking= smart for field work."" Every year I put in for a transfer and every year I= sit in that goddamn lab like the fucking Maytag repairman in the= commercial. Then the call finally comes, and it's a whole fuckin, city at= stake? Oh Jesus..." +Spit it out. MY girlfriend's pregnant. +It's me sir. What is happening? Where's Mason? +He says he's leaving the island sir. Don't let him do that. +He's got a gun, sir. What do you have, a FUCKING WATER PISTOL? Get him back! +Just come and get me, sir. I'm tired. Name your vacation spot, Goodspeed. The Bureau'll pay for it. +What do you do for the F.B.I., Goodspeed. I'm a field agent. +I'm a field agent. Tell me what you really do. +I don't understand.... During the time I cooperate, will I be outside? Outside a jail? +During the time I cooperate, will I be outside? Outside a jail? Well yes I suppose ... +Well yes I suppose ... You suppose? +You suppose? Yes. You'll be outside. +John Mason. ' Don't be shocked. I don't have much time. Please listen carefully .... Where is he sir? RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. What's he doing? HE'S ON THE= PHONE. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, HIS STOCKBROKER! Oh shit. Gotta go. +Motor oil? For cottonmouth. Goodspeed and the S.E.A.L.s exchange looks. +Don't shoot me. Mason was actually slinging it over his shoulder... For christ's sake. Mason trudges down the tu=3Del. Goodspeed follows him. +For christ's sake. Mason trudges down the tu=3Del. Goodspeed follows him. Wait. Where're you going? +I.don't get it. You're going to help me? No. I'm going to give you dancing lessons. What the fuck do you think? +Limp dick? It's all I could think of. +I'll go. Wrong. +Wrong. What, vou? +What, vou? I'm not the chemical weapons expert. +What are you doing? Now they only have three rockets left. +Wait. Find the rockets. If they're guarded, kill the men guarding them. +Mason. Mason? It's about time. +You referring to your intellect, Goodspeed? Or another portion of your= anatomy .... The cell, Mason. +Surprise, surprise. I'm not a field agent, all right? So cut me a break. +I'm not a field agent, all right? So cut me a break. An F.B.I. Man asking me for a break. How droll. +Partners? Partners. +Mason, uhm, John, I have something to tell you. You know that pardon= contract you signed? Womack ripped it up, right? +Womack ripped it up, right? You knew? All this time? +You knew? All this time? I'm not a fool, Billy. +I'm not a fool, Billy. All I know is that whatever you did, you don't deserve to go back. +God's speed. Yes. To wish someone a prosperous jouey. +St. Michael's Church, Fort Walton, Kansas. Front pew. Right leg. = Hollow. What's that? Mason? +Hi. Hi. +I'm sure a lot of people down in L.A. are worried sick about you. Yeah? I'm sure a lot more people down in L.A. want a piece of me. +This Luke was a pretty good guy, wasn't he? Oh, yes. Yes, he was. +Oh, yes. Yes, he was. Well... let me tell you, I'm not Luke. I know who I am now, and you don't. And... I don't like me very much. +Well... let me tell you, I'm not Luke. I know who I am now, and you don't. And... I don't like me very much. You know, it's going to take me a while to get used to calling you Pete. Pete. Pete. It's a nice name. +You know, it's going to take me a while to get used to calling you Pete. Pete. Pete. It's a nice name. Thanks, I like it. I think. +I believe you. The truth is, I'm a lot of things, but communist isn't one of them. +The truth is, I'm a lot of things, but communist isn't one of them. But if you only went to one meeting, why does anyone care? Besides, why should it even matter if you were a communist? +But if you only went to one meeting, why does anyone care? Besides, why should it even matter if you were a communist? "Come on, Delly, look at the country today. We're fighting communists in Korea, we're paranoid about the Russians, we've got this thing with the Rosenbergs and the atomic bomb... You think they want ""suspected communists"" entertaining the American public with party propaganda like, gosh I don't know, ""Sand Pirates of the Sahara?""" +"Come on, Delly, look at the country today. We're fighting communists in Korea, we're paranoid about the Russians, we've got this thing with the Rosenbergs and the atomic bomb... You think they want ""suspected communists"" entertaining the American public with party propaganda like, gosh I don't know, ""Sand Pirates of the Sahara?""" Forget about all that. You want to do the right thing? Then defend your name. If someone says something about you that's untrue, you have to stand up and say so. I know the law, and the law's on your side. +What about you, Delly? I am, too. +You'll stand by me? Whatever happens. +You've got everything? Yeah. Except a chance in hell of coming out of this intact. +Yeah. Except a chance in hell of coming out of this intact. You'll be fine. No matter what Leo Kubelsky says, you've got a hundred and seventy-five years of American law on your side. Don't forget that. +You'll be fine. No matter what Leo Kubelsky says, you've got a hundred and seventy-five years of American law on your side. Don't forget that. I wish you were coming with me. +I wish you were coming with me. And who's gonna run the projector until you get back? Mrs. Terwilliger? +And who's gonna run the projector until you get back? Mrs. Terwilliger? Maybe we could train Cat to run the projector. You know, a system of scratching posts, and gears, and levers... +Did you bring along something to read? Damn... +Not exactly light reading, I know. Believe it or not, I've read this since high school, and it got me all the way through law school. Besides, there's something in there that'll help you. You won't have to get very far, it's near the beginning. Delly... thanks, thank you. I'll take good care of this. +Delly... thanks, thank you. I'll take good care of this. Just remember two things. First, the law is a living thing. It made us free and it keeps us free. Sometimes it gets twisted around by people for their own purposes. Sometimes it makes mistakes, sometimes big mistakes. But in the end, the law prevails for the just. Sometimes, it takes a while. +Just remember two things. First, the law is a living thing. It made us free and it keeps us free. Sometimes it gets twisted around by people for their own purposes. Sometimes it makes mistakes, sometimes big mistakes. But in the end, the law prevails for the just. Sometimes, it takes a while. Okay. What's the second thing? +Tell them Pete. Tell them... Mr. Chairman, as I understand it, the Fifth Amendment pertains to self-incrimination, and I can't incriminate myself because I've done nothing wrong. Besides, incrimination is why you have Mr. Clyde working for you. +I see you got the telegram. Pete, I'm so sorry about what they did to you. I didn't think you'd come back, I thought you'd want to write again... +Pete, I'm so sorry about what they did to you. I didn't think you'd come back, I thought you'd want to write again... Dell, I can't write unless I'm happy, and I can't be happy unless I'm here -- and with you. This is me, Delly. Pete Appleton. And I love you! +Dell, I can't write unless I'm happy, and I can't be happy unless I'm here -- and with you. This is me, Delly. Pete Appleton. And I love you! And I love you, Pete! +Dad? Delly? In here. +How'd it go? Not as bad as I thought it would. I think I passed. +Not as bad as I thought it would. I think I passed. That's my girl! Did you...? +That's my girl! Did you...? "No hiccups, which was good. Who wants an attorney who gets the hiccups when she gets nervous? ""Your honor, I object!""" +I think it's worse now. That always used to work. +That always used to work. Yeah, well it's not everyday you get news like this. You're sure he's okay? Other than the bump on the head? +Yeah, well it's not everyday you get news like this. You're sure he's okay? Other than the bump on the head? Well... +Well... Dad... +He doesn't remember anything, Delly. Doesn't know how he got here, doesn't remember his father, the town, the Bijou, anyone... ... including me. Right? +... including me. Right? I'm afraid not. He looked right at your picture without batting an eye. But it's probably temporary. He got all the way to Lawson, so he clearly knew who he was and what he was doing until he hit his head. I'm sure it'll all come back to him. It just takes a catalyst. +I'm afraid not. He looked right at your picture without batting an eye. But it's probably temporary. He got all the way to Lawson, so he clearly knew who he was and what he was doing until he hit his head. I'm sure it'll all come back to him. It just takes a catalyst. You mean, me? +You mean, me? It's possible. +Daddy, that's Luke, can you let him in? I'll be right down. Honey, I... I can't... it's the... +Besides, Daddy's still trying to figure out how to get his new television set working. I had it, a minute ago... +Do you... remember me? I've seen you before. Your picture... +What. No, I... I just wondering where you've been all this time. +No, I... I just wondering where you've been all this time. Me too. +Me too. You look... different. +You look... different. I do? +I do? Yeah, a little. I think you grew an inch or so. And you've lost weight. +Yeah, a little. I think you grew an inch or so. And you've lost weight. I did? Huh! +You can all go home, now. He's not going anywhere. Go on home, folks. And thanks for the welcome. +Then why do I feel like we're still being shadowed? Well... where can we go? +City hall? You must not remember anything. Come on. +You first. Why me? +Why me? Be a gentleman. You have to help me down. +Of course, there was a lot more room before they stuck the memorial down here. How'd they get it inside? +How'd they get it inside? Through the door. It comes apart. +"Right here. ""Albert Lucas Trumbo."" And all the others. I knew them all. So did you. We went to school with most of them." It doesn't seem right, this being down here. It ought to be where people can see it. +It doesn't seem right, this being down here. It ought to be where people can see it. After they commissioned it, no one could ever agree on where to put it. The Methodists wanted it in front of the Methodist Church, the Presbyterians wanted it in front of the Presbyterian Church, the city council wanted it in the lobby of City Hall. Everyone finally got tired of the fighting. So they stuck it down here. +So, you're really gonna be a lawyer? And why not? +And why not? Whoa. +Whoa. "Sorry. You don't know how many times I've heard that. ""A lady lawyer? Are you crazy?"" Like a woman couldn't be as good a lawyer as a man. Or better, in fact." +"Sorry. You don't know how many times I've heard that. ""A lady lawyer? Are you crazy?"" Like a woman couldn't be as good a lawyer as a man. Or better, in fact." Have you always wanted to be a lawyer? +Have you always wanted to be a lawyer? You... don't remember, but yes, ever since I was a little girl. +You... don't remember, but yes, ever since I was a little girl. What did... what did I want to be? +What did... what did I want to be? Oh, well... I guess you... in high school, you were a pretty good first baseman. And we were on the debate team together. But... I think you were gonna run the Bijou. You were brought up there, and you loved it so much. And I think you knew how much the town needed a place like that. +You don't have a boyfriend or anyone... you know... like that? Actually, I was married. For four years. But... well, we didn't fit together. I'm divorced now. +Actually, I was married. For four years. But... well, we didn't fit together. I'm divorced now. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. No, it's okay. See, when two people belong together, the other person should be the... the key that unlocks the rest of you... I'm not making sense, am I? +No, it's okay. See, when two people belong together, the other person should be the... the key that unlocks the rest of you... I'm not making sense, am I? No, you are. I know exactly what you mean. It's not that you're missing something. It's that the other person gives something to you... that you had all the time. You just didn't see it until they came along. +No, you are. I know exactly what you mean. It's not that you're missing something. It's that the other person gives something to you... that you had all the time. You just didn't see it until they came along. Yeah... +We were in love... weren't we? Yes. Hic! +What was that? Nothing. +Nothing. Do you have the... +Do you have the... I'm fine. Really. +Were we going to get married? Eventually. We were going to be engaged... when you came back from overseas... +No... you were wearing that suit the last time we went out before... Oh... +Oh... ... and It's just... well, deja vu. +This is strange. Do you feel it? What? +What? We've done this before, so many times. The last time was so long ago, but it feels like yesterday. +We've done this before, so many times. The last time was so long ago, but it feels like yesterday. Oh. +You know, everyone's so excited about the Bijou re-opening... It's gonna cost over nine hundred dollars to open the place, Delly. +It's gonna cost over nine hundred dollars to open the place, Delly. Nine hundred... +Nine hundred... Yeah, and needless to say, none of us has that kind of money lying around. +Yeah, and needless to say, none of us has that kind of money lying around. What about a loan? You could go to the bank...? +What about a loan? You could go to the bank...? A loan to a man who ran his business into the ground and his son who can't account for the last nine-and-a-half years of his life? Not likely. +A loan to a man who ran his business into the ground and his son who can't account for the last nine-and-a-half years of his life? Not likely. Well, there's got to be a way... +Well, there's got to be a way... Have you got a cigarette? +When did you start smoking? I don't smoke? +I don't smoke? You tried to once. It was pretty pitiful. +You tried to once. It was pretty pitiful. Oh. +They're not bad. No, they're not. I'd say your investment was paying dividends. +No, they're not. I'd say your investment was paying dividends. My what? +My what? Back in '37, you heard Benny Goodman play for the first time, so you went out and got a used clarinet. You wanted nothing more than to be able to play like him. You tried hard, but it wasn't long before it was clear that Benny Goodman would never be looking over his shoulder. So you gave the clarinet to Spencer. +Back in '37, you heard Benny Goodman play for the first time, so you went out and got a used clarinet. You wanted nothing more than to be able to play like him. You tried hard, but it wasn't long before it was clear that Benny Goodman would never be looking over his shoulder. So you gave the clarinet to Spencer. Huh. That was nice of me. +Huh. That was nice of me. You had a hidden agenda, though. See, when he was five or six, little Spence used to follow you around like a puppy. Bothered the hell out of you. But as soon as you gave him the clarinet... +You had a hidden agenda, though. See, when he was five or six, little Spence used to follow you around like a puppy. Bothered the hell out of you. But as soon as you gave him the clarinet... ... he started practicing, and he left me alone from then on. +... he started practicing, and he left me alone from then on. Exactly. And he got good. +Exactly. And he got good. No kidding. +Now, did you remember that, or... Nope. Just filling in the blanks. +Nope. Just filling in the blanks. Oh. Okay. +How do you tell those two apart, anyway? Alex and Charlie? Simple. Alex is the smarter one. +Alex and Charlie? Simple. Alex is the smarter one. That's... pretty frightening. +Your dancing's very good. Thanks. +Thanks. It never used to be. You were two left feet on the dance floor. Like pulling teeth to get you to do a little box step. +It never used to be. You were two left feet on the dance floor. Like pulling teeth to get you to do a little box step. Guess I must've learned. +What... do you remember? Well... everything. It started coming back a couple of days ago. I remember everything now. +Well... everything. It started coming back a couple of days ago. I remember everything now. I see... +I see... Delly. I'm... I'm not... Harry wasn't my father. And I'm not... I'm not Luke. +Delly, shhhhhh... No... I can't... I have to... I can't... +Sir, that is true. "Mr. Appleton, do you know an ""Albert Lucas Trumbo?""" +"Mr. Appleton, do you know an ""Albert Lucas Trumbo?""" Luke Trumbo? We never met. But I'd like to think I know him. +Luke Trumbo? We never met. But I'd like to think I know him. Is that because you were masquerading as Luke Trumbo while you were in Lawson? +Is that because you were masquerading as Luke Trumbo while you were in Lawson? Mr. Clyde you're twisting things around. I wasn't masquerading. Luke Trumbo... Luke was a good man who gave his life for his country. I just... happen to look a little bit like him. That's all. +Mr. Clyde you're twisting things around. I wasn't masquerading. Luke Trumbo... Luke was a good man who gave his life for his country. I just... happen to look a little bit like him. That's all. Yes, I see that Private Trumbo was reported missing in action and is presumed dead. I also see that you were posted stateside during the war. Fort Dix? +Yes, I see that Private Trumbo was reported missing in action and is presumed dead. I also see that you were posted stateside during the war. Fort Dix? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Well, I'm sure we're all glad to see you came through it all right. +"Now, I see that you've been running a movie theater in Lawson called ""The Bijou,"" is that also true?" Yes sir. But I didn't go to Lawson to run The Bijou, that was... that was something that just happened. You see, I was involved in an accident in Lawson, and I spent some time recovering there. +"Anyone who reads the newspaper is quite familiar with your... ""accident,"" Mr. Appleton. An accident which, conveniently, came hard upon your dismissal from United Pictures. Tell us, this ""accident"" of yours, are we given to understand that it affected your memory?" Yes. +Yes. And what is the state of your memory now? +Sir, are you referring to the fact that I was suffering from amnesia, and I've since recovered my memory? "I'm interested in knowing if you remember things you did in your past, or if they've been conveniently ""blotted out"" as a result of your ""accident.""" +"I'm interested in knowing if you remember things you did in your past, or if they've been conveniently ""blotted out"" as a result of your ""accident.""" Mr. Clyde, I remember everything. +Mr. Clyde, I remember everything. "Good. Good. Now, I hold in my hand a photostatic copy of the attendance roster for the ""Bread Instead of Bullets Club"" of the University of California, Los Angeles, dated October 11, 1935. A copy of this paper is before you, Mr. Appleton. Do you recognize it?" +Yes... yes, I do. Referring to line thirty-seven of the document, does your printed name and signature appear there? +Referring to line thirty-seven of the document, does your printed name and signature appear there? Yes it does. +Yes it does. "Mr. Appleton, please tell this committee what was the nature and purpose of the ""Bread Instead of Bullets Club?""" +"Mr. Appleton, please tell this committee what was the nature and purpose of the ""Bread Instead of Bullets Club?""" Mr. Clyde, do you want to know what I knew then, or do you want to know what I know now? They're two different things? +Mr. Clyde, do you want to know what I knew then, or do you want to know what I know now? They're two different things? Start with what you knew then. +Start with what you knew then. Well, I'd direct the attention of counsel and committee to line thirty-six of the document, and the name printed and signed there. +Well, I'd direct the attention of counsel and committee to line thirty-six of the document, and the name printed and signed there. "We see it. For the record, it reads ""Lucille Angstrom."" What's the point of this?" +"We see it. For the record, it reads ""Lucille Angstrom."" What's the point of this?" Well, that's what I knew then. Or who I knew, I should say. You see, I was trying to court Miss Angstrom. I went to the meeting to impress her. +Well, that's what I knew then. Or who I knew, I should say. You see, I was trying to court Miss Angstrom. I went to the meeting to impress her. Are you asking this committee to believe that you attended a meeting of a communist party front organization in order to impress a girl? +Are you asking this committee to believe that you attended a meeting of a communist party front organization in order to impress a girl? Well, if you'd seen Miss Angstrom... +All right, Mr. Appleton. That was what you knew then. What do you know now? Well, I know that I lost my job because of one meeting I went to when I was a kid in college. I know that I've been branded a communist, which I'm not, but even if I was, it shouldn't matter, or what do we have a Bill Of Rights for? +Well, I know that I lost my job because of one meeting I went to when I was a kid in college. I know that I've been branded a communist, which I'm not, but even if I was, it shouldn't matter, or what do we have a Bill Of Rights for? Mr. Chairman, the witness is being non-responsive... +Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the communist party? No, sir. +No, sir. Are you refuting this evidence and your previous testimony? +Are you refuting this evidence and your previous testimony? I'm not refuting anything. +I'm not refuting anything. Yet you're contradicting yourself. You earlier testified that you attended a meeting of a communist party-run organization, yet you just said, under oath, that you were not now -- nor ever -- a member of the communist party. +Yet you're contradicting yourself. You earlier testified that you attended a meeting of a communist party-run organization, yet you just said, under oath, that you were not now -- nor ever -- a member of the communist party. That's not a contradiction at all, sir. I went to the meeting, but I didn't go as a member. +That's not a contradiction at all, sir. I went to the meeting, but I didn't go as a member. Well, then, as what did you go? +Do you swear that the testimony you are about to give before this committee of the United States House of Representatives will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you god? I do. +I do. Be seated and state your full name and place of residence for the record. +Be seated and state your full name and place of residence for the record. Peter Kenneth Appleton. Hollywood, California. +Peter Kenneth Appleton. Hollywood, California. The chair notes that you are appearing without the benefit of counsel today, Mr. Appleton. We certainly hope this means that you intend to be fully forthcoming with this committee? +The chair notes that you are appearing without the benefit of counsel today, Mr. Appleton. We certainly hope this means that you intend to be fully forthcoming with this committee? I'll do my best, Mr. Chairman. +I'll do my best, Mr. Chairman. Now, we're informed that you have a statement you'd like to read, is that correct? +Now, we're informed that you have a statement you'd like to read, is that correct? A statement? +Yes. A prepared statement. Um... no. I don't have a statement at this time. +I'm a little hesitant to say. The witness need not be hesitant to say anything before this committee, as long as it's the truth. +Mr. Appleton, you are making light of a legally constituted committee of the United States Congress. Believe you me, you do not want to incur our wrath. I'm sorry, sir, I have no intention of making light of this committee. And I have no intention of incurring your wrath, Mr. Chairman. I have a few friends who have already incurred your wrath. They've sent me letters from jail. +Mr. Appleton? Mr. Appleton? I... I need a drink of water. +I... I need a drink of water. Go ahead, son. +Mr. Chairman... there's... another Amendment... that I'd like to invoke at this time, but it's not the Fifth Amendment. I wonder if you're familiar with it. Mr. Appleton, you will... +Cecil! Cecil, there's a young man in there... Lord love a duck, Harry, you wanna give me a heart attack right in front of the doctor's office? +Lord love a duck, Harry, you wanna give me a heart attack right in front of the doctor's office? Listen to me! The young man in there... +Only one in town. Get in, son. Ben, when's Delly due back? +Here we are. Well, son, you're home! +Thanks for the lift, Cecil. Don't mention it. Welcome home, Luke. +No wallet, huh? No identification at all. What're you thinkin', Cecil? +No identification at all. What're you thinkin', Cecil? What I'm thinkin' is we got us one a'two things here. A mystery or a damn miracle. And by god I can't tell which. Boy, you say you have no idea who you are? That right? +Doc, with your permission, I want to bring someone in here. Maybe it'll jar this young man's memory. By all means. +Are you saying that he's... Shhhhhh. +Mother o'god... Give the man a hug, boy! That's your father! +Tomorrow afternoon... ... oh my god... Exactly. Break it to her gently. +Yes. You ever been in this town before, to your knowledge? +You ever been in this town before, to your knowledge? No. But... +No. But... But what? +But what? Well, this place sorta reminds me of something. +Well, this place sorta reminds me of something. What's that? +What's that? """It's a Wonderful Life.""" +"""It's a Wonderful Life.""" The Jimmy Stewart picture? I remember that one. Saw it over at the Bijou. So, you remember that, huh? +The Jimmy Stewart picture? I remember that one. Saw it over at the Bijou. So, you remember that, huh? """It's a Wonderful Life?""" +"""It's a Wonderful Life?""" Or the Bijou. Either one. +Or the Bijou. Either one. I remember the picture... but I don't remember where I saw it. +C'mon, I'll give you two a lift back to the Bijou. The Bijou? +Well, no, but these gentlemen would like to get some answers... I don't know what else to tell you. I wasn't hiding out. I hit my head and I didn't remember anything until a few days ago. +Luke, you probably don't remember me, Roscoe Fitts, I'm the grocer here in town. Good to meet you. Again. +Good to meet you. Again. Like Ernie said, we're all glad to have you back. +Like Ernie said, we're all glad to have you back. Thanks. +Thanks. And I hear you and Harry are planning on re-opening the Bijou. +And I hear you and Harry are planning on re-opening the Bijou. We're gonna try. Place needs a lot of work. +We're gonna try. Place needs a lot of work. I can only imagine. You know, I spoke with your Dad last year about maybe taking the Bijou off his hands. I don't think he gave it very much thought. +I can only imagine. You know, I spoke with your Dad last year about maybe taking the Bijou off his hands. I don't think he gave it very much thought. Well, he loves the place. It's his home. +Well, he loves the place. It's his home. Luke, I'm hopping you can help him see the reality of the situation. I'll come to the point. I want to buy the property, and I'm prepared to offer six-thousand dollars for it. And that's just for the property, mind you. If you want, I'll leave it to you and your father to dismantle and liquidate the building for whatever salvage value it has, and you keep those proceeds. I just want the land. +Luke, I'm hopping you can help him see the reality of the situation. I'll come to the point. I want to buy the property, and I'm prepared to offer six-thousand dollars for it. And that's just for the property, mind you. If you want, I'll leave it to you and your father to dismantle and liquidate the building for whatever salvage value it has, and you keep those proceeds. I just want the land. That's... well, that's very generous, but if you've already got a store...? +That's... well, that's very generous, but if you've already got a store...? The days of the storefront grocery are numbered. I plan on putting up a free-standing supermarket. +The days of the storefront grocery are numbered. I plan on putting up a free-standing supermarket. A super market. Huh. +A super market. Huh. You think it over. No reason to risk financial ruin for the sake of a crumbling old building. +So... you do intend to fix the place up after all? Mr. Fitts, with all due respect, I think Lawson needs the Bijou a bit more than it needs a super market. And I think Lawson deserves the Bijou. There's not a lot that can be done to help us get past the pain we've all felt... +Excuse me... what's your, um, your name? Harry, son. Harry. +Harry, son. Harry. And... what's my name again? +And... what's my name again? "Albert Lucas Trumbo. But you've been ""Luke"" since you were a baby." +"Albert Lucas Trumbo. But you've been ""Luke"" since you were a baby." Ah. Luke. Luke. I like it. +You never came back from the war. We were told you were missing and presumed dead. When did I leave? +When did I leave? You joined up one month to the day after Pearl Harbor. January seventh... nineteen forty-two. +Nine and-a-half years ago. Nine and-a-half years... +Wait'll you see the inside! Can't wait. +We've been closed for a while. Ah. +Exactly how long has the Bijou been closed? Hmmmm... after you left, it was difficult, and then Lily -- that's your mother -- she took ill and died... we haven't shown a picture since forty-eight. +Hmmmm... after you left, it was difficult, and then Lily -- that's your mother -- she took ill and died... we haven't shown a picture since forty-eight. Why? +Why? "Well, after the war, with so many of the town's boys killed, people around here didn't much feel like going to the movies, I guess. Some of 'em moved away -- Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Francisco. Wasn't much to keep 'em here, I expect. And now with this ""television"" thing -- people just aren't going out as much as they used to." +"Well, after the war, with so many of the town's boys killed, people around here didn't much feel like going to the movies, I guess. Some of 'em moved away -- Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Francisco. Wasn't much to keep 'em here, I expect. And now with this ""television"" thing -- people just aren't going out as much as they used to." Didn't you have any help? +Didn't you have any help? Oh, I had Irene and Old Tim but they really couldn't help much. Broke their hearts when we closed up. Broke mine, too. But now that you're back, well, things will be different around here, that's for sure. C'mon, I'll show you where we live. +That's Lily. Your mother, rest her soul. Mother. She's beautiful. +Mother. She's beautiful. Well, yes, that she was. She certainly made this place a home. +They couldn't wait to see you. Who... are they? +Who... are they? This is the staff of the Bijou. +This is the staff of the Bijou. Oh. What... what time is it? +Oh. What... what time is it? Six-thirty. I thought we'd get an early start. +I promised him a new uniform when we re-opened. And you'll get one, too. You know, I hate to bring this up, but screens and uniforms and paint and repairs are going to take money, which I'm willing to bet none of us has. +Um... Harry? Did I ever keep the books here? No, your mother did, then I did after she passed. +No, your mother did, then I did after she passed. Well, I'm the first one to admit that I don't know anything about bookkeeping, but there are some very interesting things in here. +"""February 10, 1942. Picture 'Ball of Fire.'""" Gary Cooper. And Barbara Stanwyck. Yowsa. +Gary Cooper. And Barbara Stanwyck. Yowsa. """Eight p.m. showtime, ninety-six admissions, receipts including concessions, $84.75... plus one fryer and two-dozen eggs.""" +Yes? """one fryer and two-dozen eggs?""" +"""one fryer and two-dozen eggs?""" Forty-two was a lean year around here. The war had just started... you were gone less than a month... and we were coming off a bit of a drought as I recall. Not everyone could ante up the price of a ticket, and a chicken's as good as money if you ask me. At that time, it meant a lot to the folks around here to be able to come to the pictures. +Forty-two was a lean year around here. The war had just started... you were gone less than a month... and we were coming off a bit of a drought as I recall. Not everyone could ante up the price of a ticket, and a chicken's as good as money if you ask me. At that time, it meant a lot to the folks around here to be able to come to the pictures. Yeah, I know, but poultry...? +Yeah, I know, but poultry...? I know it's hard to believe, son, but this place, this little place this wasn't a theater then, this was a palace! Any man, woman, child, you, me, it didn't matter, you bought your ticket and you walked in and you... +But I... Son, I think you loved the Bijou even more than I did. You've got to remember that. You've got to. +Ernie. ... Ernie. +"Carl. Friend of yours from high school. Everybody calls him ""Cueball.""" Oh, hi Cue... Carl. Sorry. +I'll be home in a little while, Harry. Don't wait up. You two have a lot of catching up to do, I guess. +You two have a lot of catching up to do, I guess. You bet. +You bet. Goodnight, son. 'Night, Delly. +Well... Yes? +Yes? Between a new screen, paint, plumbing for the concession stand, and about a hundred other repairs around the theater... it's going to cost at least nine hundred dollars to get the Bijou into shape to open up. +And you have sixty-eight dollars and thirty-seven cents in the bank. Your only source of income are my veteran's death benefit of forty dollars a month, to which you're no longer entitled since I'm alive, and these ten dollar a month cash deposits you make. What are those? They're... +Why don't you two get out there and dance? Oh, no, I... +Beautiful, wasn't it? Yes. +Yes. Well, son, I wish I could've shown you more, but this is all that's left. Just this one reel that never got sent back from a picture we showed here a long time ago. Nineteen twenty-five, to be exact... +Well, son, I wish I could've shown you more, but this is all that's left. Just this one reel that never got sent back from a picture we showed here a long time ago. Nineteen twenty-five, to be exact... Dad, I... +Dad, I... Ha! +Ha! ... what? +... what? "You know, since you've been back, that's the first time you've called me ""Dad.""" +Luke... what time is it? Six-thirty. I thought we'd get an early start. +Jesus... The film broke... +The film broke... I know, I know... keep still. +I'm here. Did you... did you... +Did you... did you... Did I what? +Did I what? Did you fix the damn film? It broke in the last reel. +Did you fix the damn film? It broke in the last reel. I know. Everyone went home. We offered them refunds. +I know. Everyone went home. We offered them refunds. Anybody take it? +Anybody take it? A few. +A few. Vultures... +I'm not happy about this, mind you, but if I have to go, at least I'm going in my own bed, the same bed my Lily died in, and... knowing that my son is alive. That's not too shabby, is it? You're not going anywhere, Harry. +You're not going anywhere, Harry. Don't tell me, I know about these things. I've seen it before. It's all right. It's... all right. You're here. Oh, God, I love you, son. +Pete. You think maybe you've had enough? Bought the bottle, didn't I? To the United States of America. Long my she wave. +Thanks, Jerry. Tell me something. What. +What. You tight with J. Edgar Hoover? +You tight with J. Edgar Hoover? The G-man? +The G-man? Zackly. +Zackly. Pete, if J. Edgar Hoover walked in here wearing a dress, I wouldn't know him. +Pete, if J. Edgar Hoover walked in here wearing a dress, I wouldn't know him. Too bad. He says I'm a communist. +Too bad. He says I'm a communist. You should watch what you say. You don't know who's listening. +You should watch what you say. You don't know who's listening. You know I'm not a communist, don't you, Jer? +You know I'm not a communist, don't you, Jer? Sure, I suppose. That why you're on a bender? +Sure, I suppose. That why you're on a bender? This is not a bender yet. This is the start of a bender. But I can see how you were confused, they look a lot alike. +Pete... go home. Come on, I'll call that girlfriend of yours, what's her name... Sandy? Sandra Sinclair. +Sandra Sinclair. Gimmee her number, I'll have her pick you up. +Gimmee her number, I'll have her pick you up. Sandra Sinclair. Wanna know her real name? Bella Iskowitz. No one's who they really are, Jer. Everyone's someone else. Even you. Even me. Especially me. I'm Peter Appleton, the communist who's not really a communist. +Sandra Sinclair. Wanna know her real name? Bella Iskowitz. No one's who they really are, Jer. Everyone's someone else. Even you. Even me. Especially me. I'm Peter Appleton, the communist who's not really a communist. I wanna close up soon. C'mon, let's call her. +Nope. Can't. We're through. Then I'll call you a cab. +Then I'll call you a cab. I'll save you the trouble. I'm a cab. There. Did it myself. +'Sides, car's right outside. I'll be seein' ya, Jer. Pete... +Any idea how you got here, son? No, sir. +Been drinkin' a bit, have we? I don't remember. I guess so. Smells like it. Tastes like it. +I don't remember. I guess so. Smells like it. Tastes like it. Well, you've been wet to the skin. You must've fallen in. +Well, you've been wet to the skin. You must've fallen in. I guess I did. +I guess I did. Lucky you got out, that water's got quite a pull, and it empties straight into the ocean. +Here, one of mine. Thanks. +Do you remember if you were driving a car? Maybe you went over the bridge. No guard rail there, it's easy to do. It's happened before. It's possible. I just don't remember. +It's possible. I just don't remember. And you don't know your name or who you are, that right? +And you don't know your name or who you are, that right? I... no, I... I just can't... +I... no, I... I just can't... It's okay, son. We just need to call you something. That's all. +What is it? Call me... Ishmael? +Call me... Ishmael? "Well, at least you remember ""Moby Dick.""" +That's me and my daughter Adele. My pride and joy. Charms the fish right out of the lake, she does. She's very pretty. +She's very pretty. Thanks. Well, Sheriff's on his way over, and maybe we can get to the bottom of who you are... +... sorry 'bout that, but you do look familiar to me. Wish I could say the same thing. +That's where you live. We live in a theater? +Evening, Luke. Evening, Doctor Lardner. +What's wrong? Uh, no... just seeing you standing there, it reminded me... there's a word for it... +Uh, no... just seeing you standing there, it reminded me... there's a word for it... Oh, you mean the suit. Harry kept all my old clothes. Fits okay, but it's a little big. +You kids off to the dance? Aren't you coming? +Aren't you coming? No, I'm not much of a dancer. +It's a pretty massive heart attack. His lungs have filled with fluid, and, well... it seems as though his body is just... shutting down. Can we get him to the hospital? +Can we get him to the hospital? Even if we could, and the move didn't kill him, there'd be very little we could do there that we can't do here. I'm sorry. +You smell gas? Don't smell nothin'. He must not be dead in here. +Don't smell nothin'. He must not be dead in here. Jesus. +Jesus. Hey, it's the best way to tell. +You think he's drunk somewhere? Wouldn't blame him if he was. +Wouldn't blame him if he was. Well, his rent's past due and he said to call you in case of an emergency. He lose his job or somethin'? +Well, his rent's past due and he said to call you in case of an emergency. He lose his job or somethin'? What's his rent? +What's his rent? Thirty a month. +Here's three months rent, and a ten spot for no more questions and to keep an eye on his place. Now, I need a moment alone. Huh? +Huh? Take a hike. Am-scray. +Take a hike. Am-scray. Huh? Oh, sure. Just pull the door shut when you leave. +Peter, their hands are tied. You see that, don't you? I... I don't believe this. +I... I don't believe this. Are you saying it's a mistake, that you didn't go to any meetings? They say you did. +Are you saying it's a mistake, that you didn't go to any meetings? They say you did. "Who the hell is this ""they?""" +"Who the hell is this ""they?""" "Congress, the FBI, Red Channels, it don't matter who the hell ""they"" is. ""They"" know who ""they"" are, that's all that matters. Now, did you go to any meetings?" +"Congress, the FBI, Red Channels, it don't matter who the hell ""they"" is. ""They"" know who ""they"" are, that's all that matters. Now, did you go to any meetings?" No. Yeah... I... I don't know. Maybe I did. Leo, this was before Pearl Harbor. I was in college. It was a bunch of kids, and I was just one of 'em. I didn't believe in what they were saying. Hell, I didn't even know what they were saying! +No. Yeah... I... I don't know. Maybe I did. Leo, this was before Pearl Harbor. I was in college. It was a bunch of kids, and I was just one of 'em. I didn't believe in what they were saying. Hell, I didn't even know what they were saying! So, you're saying that it's true. You went to a meeting of a known communist organization. +So, you're saying that it's true. You went to a meeting of a known communist organization. Leo, I was trying to impress a skirt. You know me, I'm non- political. Republican, Democrat, Communist, there's not a dime's worth of difference between 'em anyway. +Leo, I was trying to impress a skirt. You know me, I'm non- political. Republican, Democrat, Communist, there's not a dime's worth of difference between 'em anyway. You should watch what you say. +You should watch what you say. I don't know who fingered me, but I'm not a communist! +I don't know who fingered me, but I'm not a communist! Kid, that cuts no ice with them. +Kid, that cuts no ice with them. What? That I'm accused of being a communist when I don't happen to be one? +What? That I'm accused of being a communist when I don't happen to be one? They know you were at that meeting, Peter. They've been told, and they know. +They know you were at that meeting, Peter. They've been told, and they know. "Leo, you're my agent. Tell ""them"" to take a flyin' piss. I didn't do anything wrong. I fought in the war, for crissakes!" +"Leo, you're my agent. Tell ""them"" to take a flyin' piss. I didn't do anything wrong. I fought in the war, for crissakes!" Fought? Come on, Pete, you ran the PX at Fort Dix. +Fought? Come on, Pete, you ran the PX at Fort Dix. I was decorated. +I was decorated. I know. A Purple Heart. +I know. A Purple Heart. Exactly. +Exactly. You broke your arm. You were coming out of a bar. You were drunk. +You broke your arm. You were coming out of a bar. You were drunk. At least I was on our side! Look, they want me to testify? I'll testify. I'll tell 'em anything they want to hear! Jesus, Leo, this is my career! +At least I was on our side! Look, they want me to testify? I'll testify. I'll tell 'em anything they want to hear! Jesus, Leo, this is my career! You can't testify. +You can't testify. Why not? +They don't want you to testify because you're not a big enough fish for them. They just don't want you writing pictures for now. That's all. Yeah, well, that's enough. +Yeah, well, that's enough. Peter, I believe in you. More to the point, I read your new script... um... +Peter, I believe in you. More to the point, I read your new script... um... """Ashes To Ashes?""" +"""Ashes To Ashes?""" "That's the one, ""Ashes To Ashes."" I think it's great. But it'll never get made with this communist business hanging over your head. You can't work until you're cleared -- and believe me, starting right now, I'm gonna do everything I can to make that happen." +"That's the one, ""Ashes To Ashes."" I think it's great. But it'll never get made with this communist business hanging over your head. You can't work until you're cleared -- and believe me, starting right now, I'm gonna do everything I can to make that happen." So, it is a blacklist. +So, it is a blacklist. Don't say that. There is no such thing as a blacklist. Now, are you gonna play ball? +Don't say that. There is no such thing as a blacklist. Now, are you gonna play ball? Yes. Leo, goddammit... this isn't fair! +The FBI can't arrest you, because you haven't done anything wrong. Well, that's a relief. I understand they usually don't let that stop them. +Well, that's a relief. I understand they usually don't let that stop them. However... you're gonna be subpoenaed to testify before the Un-American Activities Committee when they open hearings in Los Angeles. Now, if you play ball and tell them what they want to hear, they'll clear you. +However... you're gonna be subpoenaed to testify before the Un-American Activities Committee when they open hearings in Los Angeles. Now, if you play ball and tell them what they want to hear, they'll clear you. And I won't be a communist anymore. +And I won't be a communist anymore. Exactly. +Exactly. So it doesn't make any difference that I'm not one now, and have never been one. +Next time, it might be the FBI. The time after that, it might be the President. But it'll always be someone. Count on it. That's not the country Luke fought for. +That's not the country Luke fought for. Lest we forget, Peter, your own military career was somewhat less illustrious than Luke's. +Lest we forget, Peter, your own military career was somewhat less illustrious than Luke's. It's wrong, Leo. +It's wrong, Leo. Peter, don't let that stop you all of a sudden. +That was quite a show you gave them today. We shoulda sold tickets. I'm not sorry for what I said. +I'm not sorry for what I said. No, of course not, why should you be sorry? You're the new Peter Appleton. You exercised your rights as a solid citizen, first amendment, freedom of speech, all that. Very noble. +Cigarette? No thanks. +When'd you quit smoking? Luke didn't smoke. +Luke didn't smoke. Oh, I see. But you're not Luke. You're Peter Appleton, the picture writer. +Oh, I see. But you're not Luke. You're Peter Appleton, the picture writer. Not any more. +Not any more. Why not? +Why not? Leo, you were in there, you saw what I did. You think they're gonna let me write pictures? Hell, they're probably gonna throw my ass in jail. +Leo, you were in there, you saw what I did. You think they're gonna let me write pictures? Hell, they're probably gonna throw my ass in jail. Not at all. +Not at all. Besides, I don't even know if I want to write anymore. +Besides, I don't even know if I want to write anymore. What, you're going to go back to that hick town and run the projector and marry the doctor's daughter? +Peter, I'm an agent. I buy lunches and get deals made for guys like you. That's what I do. You're a writer. You write pictures. That's what you do. And trust me, you'll be back doing it again tomorrow morning. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Kid, you gave them what they wanted. This committee, it feeds on names. The more names, the better. But for some high-profile witnesses, like yourself, any name will do. +Kid, you gave them what they wanted. This committee, it feeds on names. The more names, the better. But for some high-profile witnesses, like yourself, any name will do. Leo, I didn't give them the names. I wouldn't do that. +Leo, I didn't give them the names. I wouldn't do that. "What, all of a sudden, ""Lucille Angstrom"" isn't a name?" +Her name was right there in front of them. They gave it to me, I didn't give it to them. Well, that's not what they think. +Well, that's not what they think. Leo, she was... she was a girl I knew in college... +Leo, she was... she was a girl I knew in college... "You should keep track of your old school chums. Turns out she eventually joined the communist party. On top of which, she's Lucy Angstrom Hirschfeld now, and she happens to be a writer for ""Studio One"" on CBS." +"You should keep track of your old school chums. Turns out she eventually joined the communist party. On top of which, she's Lucy Angstrom Hirschfeld now, and she happens to be a writer for ""Studio One"" on CBS." Oh god, oh, god, no, I... +Oh god, oh, god, no, I... So, our lawyers had a talk with the Committee's lawyers. That Elvin Clyde fella won't be too happy about it, but we cut a deal. They cleared you -- and they're gonna thank you publicly for your testimony purging yourself. +So, our lawyers had a talk with the Committee's lawyers. That Elvin Clyde fella won't be too happy about it, but we cut a deal. They cleared you -- and they're gonna thank you publicly for your testimony purging yourself. Thank me publicly? For what? For ruining this woman's life? +Thank me publicly? For what? For ruining this woman's life? Climb down off your cross. They already knew about her. She was subpoenaed six months ago! Who the hell do you think named you? +I haven't danced with another man since Mr. Terwilliger passed. When was that? +When was that? Nineteen-oh-nine. +That was beautiful. I taught you that. +I taught you that. I can play the piano? +I can play the piano? "Oh dear, yes. You were an excellent student, before all that clarinet nonsense. You loved Chopin. You used to call it ""heaven music."" ""Teach me some heaven music,"" you used to say." +Sit. Play with me. No, I... +No, I... Some of it might come back to you. +Luke! Luke, something's wrong! The film broke, and I can't raise Harry on the house phone! What? +What? You've got to talk to them before they tear the theater apart! +Is there a young Tim? No. +No. "Well, then, why do they call you ""Old Tim?""" +Found me. Yeah. I hope you don't mind. I didn't know anyone lived here... well, besides Harry. And me. +So I guess this fellow belongs to you. What's his name? Cat. +Cat. Cat. That's simple. I like it. Hi, Cat. +Cat. That's simple. I like it. Hi, Cat. We thought you was dead, you know. It's okay that I live here? +We thought you was dead, you know. It's okay that I live here? Of course. +T-t-thank you. Thank you. I... I always... I always wanted to wear my uniform from the Great War, but your daddy, he always said no, that's not an usher's u-u-uniform, that's an army uniform and the Bijou, she's not the army. They give me a medal, but I lost it in the h-h-hospital. I forget things sometimes. Since the w-w-war. Yeah... me too. +That's my r-r-rent. Oh. +Can I... Can I t-t-talk to you? Sure. Come on in. I was just packing. +Please, sit. Thanks. +They'll come back, you know. They'll all c-c-come back. The customers? I don't know... +The customers? I don't know... They will. They w-w-will. +Tim, I have to tell you something. Oh. +Oh. It's about me. +It's about me. Oh. +I'm... I'm not Luke. Luke is dead. He died in the war. He's not coming back, and I'm not him. I don't even belong here. This whole thing started out as an accident, and that's all it is. An accident. Oh... +Oh... My name isn't Luke. It's Peter. Peter Appleton. +Did you think I didn't kn-kn-know that? I thought you... +I thought you... I know more than you give me c-c- credit, that's for sure. Don't you see, it don't m-m-matter who you are? All that matters is what you g-g-gave us. And you can't take that away now. You're wrong, Peter Appleton. You do belong here. +Pete, there's time before the picture starts, you want to get some popcorn? You bet, honey. +What happened? What exactly did you hear? +What exactly did you hear? That you got let go. +That you got let go. I wasn't alone. Wasn't Frankie Ruskin directing the picture you're in? +I wasn't alone. Wasn't Frankie Ruskin directing the picture you're in? He was, but he got sick. We got a new director today. Why? +He was, but he got sick. We got a new director today. Why? Well, whatever Frankie's got, it's catching. +Well, whatever Frankie's got, it's catching. You mean, he was... let go, too? +You mean, he was... let go, too? They're saying I'm a communist, Sandy. But I'm not, you know that. I'm gonna fight 'em, and I'm gonna win, but I'll need your help. +Will you help me, Sandy? I'll have to think about this. I have to get back... I should go... +Ancestors? "Actually, my grandpap. But ""ancestors"" sounds better, don't it? Here." +I suppose. Thanks. You look familiar, fella. What's your name? +They all know you? 'Course they all know me. And I know all them. Town's got my name, don't it? +Ernie Cole here just got himself elected mayor. Lost both his boys in the war. Kenny at Anzio and Willie at Normandy. The war... +The war... Mabel over there at the diner lost her husband Max. Okinawa, I believe. +You hungry, son? Yes. Very. +Yes. Very. Got any money? +Said as much myself, Doc. Can't place him, though. To look at him, you'd think the cheese slid off his cracker. Well, morning's half-over. I'm off. Thank you, Mr. Lawson. +Thank you, Mr. Lawson. Don't mention it. Whoever-you-are. +Now that you remember who you are, were you planning on telling anyone your true identity? I already have. +I already have. Who? +Who? My girlfriend. If she still is... +My girlfriend. If she still is... Would that be Miss Sinclair? +Would that be Miss Sinclair? No. No, not Miss Sinclair. I'm talking about Adele Lardner. +Mr. Appleton, I have reason to believe you're holding something back, and that just rubs me the wrong way. Sir, are you a communist? No. Absolutely not. +No. Absolutely not. All right. All right. We'll see. +Miss Hayworth? Yes? +Yes? I'm Melanie Daniels. I'm sorry to bother you, but... +Yes? The man at the post office sent me. He said you'd know the name of the little Brenner girl. +The man at the post office sent me. He said you'd know the name of the little Brenner girl. Cathy? +Cathy? The one who lives in the white house across the bay? +The one who lives in the white house across the bay? That's the one. Cathy Brenner. +That's the one. Cathy Brenner. They seemed sure it was either Alice or Lois. +They seemed sure it was either Alice or Lois. Which is why the mail in this town never gets delivered to the right place. Did you want to see Cathy about something? +Are you a friend of Mitch's? No, not really. +I've been wanting a cigarette for the past twenty minutes, but I couldn't convince myself to stop. This 'tilling of the soil' can get a little compulsive, you know. It's a lovely garden. +It's a lovely garden. Thank you. It gives me something to do with my spare time. There's a lot of spare time in Bodega Bay. Did you plan on staying long? +Thank you. It gives me something to do with my spare time. There's a lot of spare time in Bodega Bay. Did you plan on staying long? No. Just a few hours. +No. Just a few hours. You're leaving after you see Cathy? +You're leaving after you see Cathy? Well... something like that. I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound so mysterious. +Well... something like that. I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound so mysterious. Actually, it's none of my business. +Did you drive up from San Francisco? Yes. +Yes. It's a nice drive. Is that where you met Mitch? +It's a nice drive. Is that where you met Mitch? Yes. +Yes. I guess that's where everyone meets him. +Do I? No, I'm an open book, I'm afraid. Or maybe a closed one. Pretty. What are they? Lovebirds. +Mmm. Well, good luck, Miss Daniels. Thank you. +Oh, hi! Did you find her all right? Yes, I did. +I was wondering... Yes? +Yes? That sign. Do you think I could have the room for a single night? +That sign. Do you think I could have the room for a single night? Well, I'd really hope to rent it for... +Well, I'd really hope to rent it for... I would appreciate it. I've tried everywhere in town, and they're all full. +I would appreciate it. I've tried everywhere in town, and they're all full. Sure. You can have it. Where's your bag? In the car? +It's utilitarian, I'll say that for it. I just picked up some things for the night at the general store. You see, I hadn't planned on spending much time here. +I just picked up some things for the night at the general store. You see, I hadn't planned on spending much time here. Yes, I know. Did something unexpected crop up? +Miss Daniels? Is that you? Yes. +Hi. Is something wrong? Is that cut beginning to bother you? No, it's not the cut that's bothering me. +No, it's not the cut that's bothering me. Would you like some brandy? +Would you like some brandy? If you have some, I'd... +If you have some, I'd... I'll get it, sit down, Miss Daniels. Do you want a sweater or something? A quilt? +No, thank you. Won't you call me Melanie? All right. +Thank you. It gets a little chilly here at night sometimes. Especially if you're over near the bay. +Or would you rather I changed the subject? I think so. +I think so. How do you like our little hamlet? +How do you like our little hamlet? I despise it. +I despise it. Well, I don't suppose it offers much to the casual visitor. Unless you're thrilled by a collection of shacks on a hillside. It takes a while to get used to. +Well, I don't suppose it offers much to the casual visitor. Unless you're thrilled by a collection of shacks on a hillside. It takes a while to get used to. Where are you from originally, Annie? +Where are you from originally, Annie? San Francisco. +San Francisco. How'd you happen to come here? +How'd you happen to come here? Oh, someone invited me up for the weekend a long time ago. +I guess you knew that, anyway. I suspected as much. +I suspected as much. You needn't worry. It's over and done with. A long time ago. +You needn't worry. It's over and done with. A long time ago. Annie -- there's nothing between Mitch and me. +Annie -- there's nothing between Mitch and me. Isn't there? Maybe there isn't. Maybe there's never anything between Mitch and any girl. +Isn't there? Maybe there isn't. Maybe there's never anything between Mitch and any girl. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I think I'll have some of that, too. I was seeing quite a lot of him in San Francisco, you know. And then, one weekend, he asked me up to meet Lydia. +I think I'll have some of that, too. I was seeing quite a lot of him in San Francisco, you know. And then, one weekend, he asked me up to meet Lydia. When was this? +When was this? Four years ago. Of course, that was shortly after his father died. Things may be different now. +Four years ago. Of course, that was shortly after his father died. Things may be different now. Different? +Different? With Lydia. Did she seem a trifle distant? +With Lydia. Did she seem a trifle distant? A trifle. +A trifle. Then maybe it isn't different at all. You know, her attitude nearly drove me crazy. I simply couldn't understand it. +Then maybe it isn't different at all. You know, her attitude nearly drove me crazy. I simply couldn't understand it. When I got back to San Francisco I spent days trying to figure out just what I'd done to displease her. +When I got back to San Francisco I spent days trying to figure out just what I'd done to displease her. And what had you done? +And what had you done? Nothing! I simply existed. So what was the answer? A jealous woman, right? A clinging possessive mother. Wrong. With all due respect to Oedipus, I don't think that was the case at all. +Nothing! I simply existed. So what was the answer? A jealous woman, right? A clinging possessive mother. Wrong. With all due respect to Oedipus, I don't think that was the case at all. Then what was it? +Then what was it? Lydia liked me, you see. That was the strange part of it. In fact, now that I'm no longer a threat, we're very good friends. +Lydia liked me, you see. That was the strange part of it. In fact, now that I'm no longer a threat, we're very good friends. Then why did she object to you? +Then why did she object to you? Because she was afraid. +Because she was afraid. Afraid you'd take Mitch? +Afraid you'd take Mitch? Afraid I'd give Mitch. +Afraid I'd give Mitch. I don't understand. +I don't understand. Afraid of any woman who'd give Mitch the only thing Lydia can give him -- love. +Afraid of any woman who'd give Mitch the only thing Lydia can give him -- love. Annie, that adds up to a jealous, possessive woman. +Annie, that adds up to a jealous, possessive woman. No, I don't think so. She's not afraid of losing her son, you see. She's only afraid of being abandoned. +No, I don't think so. She's not afraid of losing her son, you see. She's only afraid of being abandoned. Someone ought to tell her she'd be gaining a daughter. +Someone ought to tell her she'd be gaining a daughter. She already has a daughter. +She already has a daughter. What about Mitch? Didn't he have anything to say about this? +What about Mitch? Didn't he have anything to say about this? I can understand his position. He went through a lot with Lydia after his father died. He didn't want to risk going through it all over again. +I can understand his position. He went through a lot with Lydia after his father died. He didn't want to risk going through it all over again. I see. +I see. So it ended. Not immediately, of course. I went back to San Francisco, and I still saw Mitch every now and then... but we both knew it was finished. +So it ended. Not immediately, of course. I went back to San Francisco, and I still saw Mitch every now and then... but we both knew it was finished. Then what are you doing here in Bodega Bay? +Then what are you doing here in Bodega Bay? You get straight to the point, don't you? +You get straight to the point, don't you? I'm sorry. Forgive me. +I'm sorry. Forgive me. No, that's all right, I don't mind. I came up here for two reasons. To begin with, I was bored with my job in San Francisco. I was teaching at a private school there... well, you know, you probably went to one yourself. +No, that's all right, I don't mind. I came up here for two reasons. To begin with, I was bored with my job in San Francisco. I was teaching at a private school there... well, you know, you probably went to one yourself. I did. +I did. Then you know. Little girls in brown beanies. Deadly. Here I have a life. I'll go into that classroom on Monday morning, and I'll look out at twenty- five upturned little faces, and each of them will be saying, 'Yes, please give me what you have.' And I'll give them what I have. I haven't got very much, but I'll give them every ounce of it. To me, that's very important. It makes me want to stay alive for a long long time. That's the first reason. +Then you know. Little girls in brown beanies. Deadly. Here I have a life. I'll go into that classroom on Monday morning, and I'll look out at twenty- five upturned little faces, and each of them will be saying, 'Yes, please give me what you have.' And I'll give them what I have. I haven't got very much, but I'll give them every ounce of it. To me, that's very important. It makes me want to stay alive for a long long time. That's the first reason. And the second? +And the second? I wanted to be near Mitch. It was over, and I knew it, but I wanted to be near him, anyway. You see, I still like him a hell of a lot. That's rare, I think. I don't want to lose his friendship... ever. +He wants me to go to Cathy's party tomorrow afternoon. I said I would. I'll be going, too, to help out. It should be fun, Melanie. +I'll be going, too, to help out. It should be fun, Melanie. It seems so pointless. I think I'll go to sleep. This has been a busy day. My luggage. +Do you think I should go? That's up to you. +That's up to you. It's really up to Lydia, isn't it? +It's really up to Lydia, isn't it? Never mind Lydia. Do you want to go? +Never mind Lydia. Do you want to go? Yes. +Yes. Then go. +Is anyone there? Look. +Look. Ohhh. Oh, the poor thing. He probably lost his way in the dark. +He got a call from Dan Fawcett a little while ago. His chickens won't eat, either. It's what you said, Mom. Mr. Brinkmeyer's feed is no good. +It's what you said, Mom. Mr. Brinkmeyer's feed is no good. No, Cathy. He sold Mr. Fawcett a different brand. You don't think they're getting sick, do you, Mitch? +Mitch knows lots of people in San Francisco. Of course, they're mostly hoods. Cathy! +Cathy! Well, Mom, he's the first to admit it. He spends half his day in the detention cells at the Hall of Justice. +Well, Mom, he's the first to admit it. He spends half his day in the detention cells at the Hall of Justice. In a democracy, Cathy, everyone is entitled to a fair trial. Your brother's practice... +In a democracy, Cathy, everyone is entitled to a fair trial. Your brother's practice... Mom, please, I know all the democracy jazz. They're still hoods. He's got a client now who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times, can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it, don't you think? +Yes, I did. Just listen to them! +Mother! If your father were here... +Mitch, can I bring the lovebirds in here? No! +No! Mom, they're in a cage! +Mom, they're in a cage! They're birds! +They haven't harmed anyone. Take them. +Miss Daniels? Yes? +They're beautiful! They're just what I wanted! Is there a man and a woman? I can't tell which is which. Well, I suppose... +I still don't understand how you knew I wanted lovebirds. Your brother told me. +Is smoking fun? Oh, I suppose so. +Oh, I suppose so. Could I have a puff? +Could I have a puff? I don't think your mother would like that. +I don't think your mother would like that. Just a little one. +Why, it's just like air, isn't it? When I grow up, I'm gonna smoke like a chimney! I'll be eleven tomorrow, you know. I know. +I know. Are you coming to my party? +Are you coming to my party? I don't think so. I have to get back to San Francisco. +I don't think so. I have to get back to San Francisco. Don't you like us? +Don't you like us? Darling, of course I do! +Darling, of course I do! Don't you like Bodega Bay? +Don't you like Bodega Bay? I don't know yet. +I don't know yet. Mitch likes it very much. He comes up every weekend, you know, even though he has his own apartment in the city. He says San Francisco is just an ant hill at the foot of a bridge. +Mitch likes it very much. He comes up every weekend, you know, even though he has his own apartment in the city. He says San Francisco is just an ant hill at the foot of a bridge. I guess it does get a little hectic at times. +I guess it does get a little hectic at times. If you do decide to come, don't say I told you about it. It's supposed to be a surprise party. +Why didn't Annie stay for dinner? She said something about having to get home to take a call from her mother back East. +She said something about having to get home to take a call from her mother back East. Oh. Where d'you want the coffee? +Oh. Where d'you want the coffee? Take it into the living room, would you, hon? +Take it into the living room, would you, hon? What's the matter with them? +We've got an extra room upstairs and everything. That road can be a bad one at night, Melanie. +Yeah, but she'll be hitting all that traffic going back to San Francisco. Did you put the cover on that cage, Mom? +Mitch? Why are they doing this? The birds. I don't know, honey. +I don't know, honey. Why are they trying to kill people? +Why are they trying to kill people? I wish I could say. But if I could answer that, I could also tell you why people are trying to kill people. +Cathy! Get a blanket and some bandages! Is she all right? +Mitch, let's turn back. Shhh. Shhhhh. +Mitch? Do... do you think they'll be all right? In the trunk? Can they breath? I think they'll be all right, honey. +What? The little Brenner girl. +The little Brenner girl. Lois! +Lois! It's Alice, ain't it? +It's Alice, ain't it? No, it's Lois! +No, it's Lois! It's Alice. +Good morning. Morning. +Morning. I wonder if you could help me. +I wonder if you could help me. Try my best. +Try my best. I'm looking for a man named Mitchell Brenner. +I'm looking for a man named Mitchell Brenner. Yep. +Do you know him? Yep. +Yep. Where does he live? +Where does he live? Right here. Bodega Bay. +Right here. Bodega Bay. Yes, but where? +Yes, but where? Right across the bay there. +Right across the bay there. Where? +See where I'm pointing? Yes? +Yes? See them two big trees across there? +See them two big trees across there? Yes? +Yes? And the white house? +And the white house? That's where the Brenners live. +That's where the Brenners live. The Brenners? Mr. and Mrs. Brenner? +The Brenners? Mr. and Mrs. Brenner? Nope, just Lydia and the two kids. +Nope, just Lydia and the two kids. The two kids? +The two kids? Yep. Mitch and the little girl. +Yep. Mitch and the little girl. I see. How do I get down there? +I see. How do I get down there? Follow the road straight through town 'til it curves off on the left. That'll take you right around the bay to their front door. +Follow the road straight through town 'til it curves off on the left. That'll take you right around the bay to their front door. The front door. Isn't there a back road I can take? +The front door. Isn't there a back road I can take? Nope. That's the road. Straight through town, stay on your left, right around the bay to the front door. +Nope. That's the road. Straight through town, stay on your left, right around the bay to the front door. You see, I wanted to surprise them. +You see, I wanted to surprise them. Mmmm. +Mmmm. I didn't want to come right down the road, where they could see me. +I didn't want to come right down the road, where they could see me. Mmmm. +Mmmm. It's a surprise, you see. +It's a surprise, you see. Mmmmmm. 'Course, you could get yourself a boat, cut right across the bay with it. The Brenners got a little dock there you could tie up at. If that's what you wanted to do. +Mmmmmm. 'Course, you could get yourself a boat, cut right across the bay with it. The Brenners got a little dock there you could tie up at. If that's what you wanted to do. Where would I get a boat? +Where would I get a boat? Down at the dock by the Tides Restaurant. Ever handled an outboard boat? +Down at the dock by the Tides Restaurant. Ever handled an outboard boat? Of course. +Of course. D'you want me to order one for you? +D'you want me to order one for you? Thank you. +Thank you. What name? +What name? Daniels. +Daniels. Okay. +I wonder if you could tell me... Yep? +Yep? The little girl's name. +The little girl's name. The little Brenner girl? +The little Brenner girl? Yes. +Yes. Alice, I think. Harry, what's the little Brenner girl's name? +Are you sure? Well, I ain't positive, if that's what you mean. +Well, I ain't positive, if that's what you mean. I need her exact name, you see. +I need her exact name, you see. That case, I tell you what you do. You go straight through town 'til you see a little hotel on your left there. Not the motel, that's the other end of town. This is the hotel. Now you take a right turn there, you got that? +That case, I tell you what you do. You go straight through town 'til you see a little hotel on your left there. Not the motel, that's the other end of town. This is the hotel. Now you take a right turn there, you got that? Yes? +Yes? Near the top of the hill, you'll see the school and right behind it, the church. You head for the school. Now just past the school, you'll see a little house with a red mail box. That's where Annie Hayworth lives, she's the school teacher. You ask her about the little Brenner girl. +Near the top of the hill, you'll see the school and right behind it, the church. You head for the school. Now just past the school, you'll see a little house with a red mail box. That's where Annie Hayworth lives, she's the school teacher. You ask her about the little Brenner girl. Thank you. +Thank you. Yep. Could save yourself a lot of trouble. Her name's Alice for sure. +Yep. Could save yourself a lot of trouble. Her name's Alice for sure. Can I have the boat in about twenty minutes? +How much for the phone calls? It's nothing. +I don't see what difference it makes, Mrs. Bundy, crows or blackbirds. If they attacked the school, that's pretty serious. I hardly think either species would have the intelligence to launch a massed attack. Their brain pans aren't large enough for such... +Mrs. Bundy, you don't seem to understand. This young lady says there was an attack on the school. Impossible. +I didn't even know there were many crows in Bodega Bay this time of year. The crow is a permanent resident throughout its range. In fact, during our Christmas Count, we recorded... +Why not, Mrs. Bundy? Because there are 8,650 species of birds in the world today, Mr. Carter. It's estimated that five billion, seven hundred and fifty million birds live in the United States alone. The five continents of the world... +What good'll that do? Smoke's as bad as birds. Birds are not bad! +Deke, have you got a first aid kit back there? What happened? +What happened? Young woman cut herself. +Young woman cut herself. Shall I call the doctor? +Shall I call the doctor? I don't think it's that serious. You want to sit up here? +You cut yourself outside, Miss? Stop worrying, Deke. She was in a boat. +I had a man trip and fall in the parking lot once, sued me before I could bat an eyelash. I don't think Miss Daniels is going to sue anybody. +I don't think Miss Daniels is going to sue anybody. Well, you're the lawyer. +We don't have any fog this time of year, Mitch. We'll make our own fog. +Gulls! They're back! +Are you finished here, Sebastian? Let me have some apple pie, Helen. Who said anything about war? All I said was that some gulls... +Let me have some apple pie, Helen. Who said anything about war? All I said was that some gulls... One apple pie! You want more coffee? +One apple pie! You want more coffee? No. ...came down on one of my boats. They could have been after the fish, just as you said. +Here's your pie, Sebastian. You want it at the table? No. Here's fine. +No. Here's fine. Where are the Bloody Marys, Deke? +I thought I saw your car. What are you doing in town? I had to acknowledge a delivery. Mother, I'd like you to meet... +I had to acknowledge a delivery. Mother, I'd like you to meet... A what? +A what? Melanie Daniels. Melanie, my mother. +How do you do, Miss Daniels? Acknowledge a what? A delivery, Mother. Miss Daniels brought some birds from San Francisco. +Oh. I see. For Cathy. For her birthday. By the way, where is she? +For Cathy. For her birthday. By the way, where is she? Across at Brinkmeyer's. +Across at Brinkmeyer's. Miss Daniels is staying for the weekend. In fact, I've already invited her to dinner tonight. +You did say birds? Yes, lovebirds. We couldn't let you... +Yes, lovebirds. We couldn't let you... Lovebirds, I see. +Lovebirds, I see. ...get away without thanking you in some small way. After all, you haven't even met Cathy and you are staying for the weekend... +Seven o'clock, same as usual. I'll pick you up, Miss Daniels. Where are you staying? +There's nothing wrong with those chickens, Mitch. I'm going to call Fred Brinkmeyer right now. I don't know what good that'll do. Chickens won't eat. +He sold the feed to me, didn't he? Caviat emptor, Mother. Let the buyer beware. +Caviat emptor, Mother. Let the buyer beware. Whose side are you on? +Whose side are you on? I'm simply quoting the law. +I'm simply quoting the law. Never mind the law. Cathy, you can start serving the soup. +She's a charming girl, isn't she, Mitch? Yes, very. +Yes, very. And certainly pretty. +And certainly pretty. Yes. +Yes. How long have you known her? +How long have you known her? I told you. We met yesterday. +I told you. We met yesterday. In a bird shop. +In a bird shop. Yes. +Yes. She was selling birds. +She was selling birds. No. I only led her into believing I believed she was... Mother, it's really very complicated. +No. I only led her into believing I believed she was... Mother, it's really very complicated. But she did buy the lovebirds and then brought them all the way... +But she did buy the lovebirds and then brought them all the way... Mother, where did you go to law school? +Mother, where did you go to law school? Forgive me. I suppose I'm just naturally curious about a girl like that. She's very rich, isn't she? +Forgive me. I suppose I'm just naturally curious about a girl like that. She's very rich, isn't she? I suppose so. Her father owns a big newspaper in San Francisco. +I suppose so. Her father owns a big newspaper in San Francisco. You'd think he could manage to keep her name out of print. She's always mentioned in the columns, Mitch. +You'd think he could manage to keep her name out of print. She's always mentioned in the columns, Mitch. I know, Mother. +I know, Mother. She is the one who jumped into that fountain in Rome last summer, isn't she? +She is the one who jumped into that fountain in Rome last summer, isn't she? Yes, Mother. +Yes, Mother. Perhaps I'm old-fashioned. I know it was supposed to be very warm there, Mitch, but... well... actually... well, the newspaper said she was naked. +Perhaps I'm old-fashioned. I know it was supposed to be very warm there, Mitch, but... well... actually... well, the newspaper said she was naked. I know, Mother. +I know, Mother. It's none of my business, of course, but when you bring a girl like that to... +It's none of my business, of course, but when you bring a girl like that to... Mother? +Mother? Yes? +Yes? I think I can handle Melanie Daniels by myself. +I think I can handle Melanie Daniels by myself. Well... So long as you know what you want, Mitch. +Well... So long as you know what you want, Mitch. I know exactly what I want, Mother. +Well... well, is everyone all right? I think he got a little scratch, Mother. +Tell him about the party. That's right. We had a party here this afternoon for Cathy. Her birthday. +Did you you get the windows in the attic, Mitch? I got them all, Mother. +I got them all, Mother. When do you think they'll come? +When do you think they'll come? I don't know. +I don't know. If there are... larger birds, Mitch... they'll get into the house. +If there are... larger birds, Mitch... they'll get into the house. That's a chance we have to take. +That's a chance we have to take. Maybe we ought to leave. +Maybe we ought to leave. Not now. Not while they're massing out there. +Not now. Not while they're massing out there. When? +When? I don't know when. We'll see what... +I don't know when. We'll see what... Where will we go? +Where will we go? I don't know yet. I think we'll be safe here. Let's bring that wood in. +I don't know yet. I think we'll be safe here. Let's bring that wood in. What happens when we run out of wood? +I don't know. We'll break up the furni... You don't know, you don't know! When will you know? When we're all dead? Like Annie? +Mother! I'm trying my best! I'm... trying... my... I'm sorry, Mitch. +Mitch... Shhh. Shhh. +Mother, get a rope! Oh, my God, look at her! +Oh, my God, look at her! Get a rope! +I can handle it. I know you can. But I'd like to. +I'm not very good at this, Mitch. You're doing fine. +You're doing fine. I mean. I want to... +They're gone. The same pattern. But they'll be back. +But they'll be back. We won't be here. +We won't be here. Where can we go, Mitch? There's no place to go. +Where can we go, Mitch? There's no place to go. I want to try for San Francisco. There are buildings there. Steel and concrete! +I want to try for San Francisco. There are buildings there. Steel and concrete! We'd never make it. They're probably all over the road. +We'd never make it. They're probably all over the road. We have to try it. We can't stay here. Melanie needs help. Mother, the house won't take another attack. +We have to try it. We can't stay here. Melanie needs help. Mother, the house won't take another attack. If... If... when we get to San Francisco... If they're already there? +If... If... when we get to San Francisco... If they're already there? They won't be. +They won't be. If they are? +If they are? We'll worry about that when we get there. +We'll worry about that when we get there. I'm frightened, terribly frightened. I... I don't know what's out there, Mitch. +I'm frightened, terribly frightened. I... I don't know what's out there, Mitch. What do we have to know, Mother? We're all together, we all love each other, we all need each other. What else is there? Mother, I want us to stay alive! +What do we have to know, Mother? We're all together, we all love each other, we all need each other. What else is there? Mother, I want us to stay alive! I started to say... inside... +I started to say... inside... You don't have to. +Then you knew Mitch in San Francisco, is that right? No, not exactly. +If I go across to Santa Rosa I'll come onto the freeway much earlier. Yeah, and the freeway's well-lighted, isn't it, Mitch? +No, it's me, Mrs. Brenner. I thought you might like some tea. Oh, thank you. +Where's Mitch? Al Malone wanted him out at the Fawcett farm. +Al Malone wanted him out at the Fawcett farm. Why? Didn't Al believe my story? +Why? Didn't Al believe my story? He was calling from the farm, Mrs. Brenner. +He was calling from the farm, Mrs. Brenner. Then he saw. +Then he saw. He must have. He sent for the Santa Rosa police. +He must have. He sent for the Santa Rosa police. What good will they do? +Do you think Cathy's all right? What? +What? Cathy. At the school. +Yes, I'm sure she's fine. Do I sound foolish to you? +Do I sound foolish to you? No. +No. I keep seeing Dan Fawcett's face. They have such big windows at the school. All the windows were broken. In Dan's bedroom. All the windows. +I keep seeing Dan Fawcett's face. They have such big windows at the school. All the windows were broken. In Dan's bedroom. All the windows. Try not to think of that, Mrs. Brenner. +Try not to think of that, Mrs. Brenner. I wish I were a stronger person. There is a long awkward silence. She sips at her tea reflectively. +I wish I were a stronger person. There is a long awkward silence. She sips at her tea reflectively. I lost my husband four years ago, you know. It's odd how you depend on someone for strength, and then suddenly all the strength is gone, and you're alone. I'd love to relax some time. I'd love to be able to sleep. Do you think Cathy's all right? +I lost my husband four years ago, you know. It's odd how you depend on someone for strength, and then suddenly all the strength is gone, and you're alone. I'd love to relax some time. I'd love to be able to sleep. Do you think Cathy's all right? Annie's there. She'll be all right. +Annie's there. She'll be all right. I'm not this way, you know. Not usually. I don't fuss and fret over my children. When Frank died... You see, he knew the children, he really knew them. He had the knack of being able to enter into their world, of becoming a part of them. That's a rare talent. +I'm not this way, you know. Not usually. I don't fuss and fret over my children. When Frank died... You see, he knew the children, he really knew them. He had the knack of being able to enter into their world, of becoming a part of them. That's a rare talent. Yes. +Yes. I wish I could be that way. +I miss him. You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning, and I think 'I have to make Frank's breakfast,' and I... I get up and there's a... a very good reason for getting out of bed until... until, of course, I remember. I miss talking to him. Cathy's a child, you know, and Mitch... ...Mitch has his own life. I'm glad he stayed here today. I feel safer with him here. Would you like to rest now, Mrs. Brenner. +Would you like to rest now, Mrs. Brenner. No. No... don't go yet. I feel as if I... I don't understand you. And I want so much to understand. +No. No... don't go yet. I feel as if I... I don't understand you. And I want so much to understand. Why, Mrs. Brenner? +Why, Mrs. Brenner? Because my son is... My son seems to be fond of you. And I... I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I really don't know if I... like you or not. +Because my son is... My son seems to be fond of you. And I... I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I really don't know if I... like you or not. Is that so important, Mrs. Brenner? You liking me? +Is that so important, Mrs. Brenner? You liking me? Yes, I think so. My son is important to me. I want to like any girl he chooses. +Yes, I think so. My son is important to me. I want to like any girl he chooses. And if you don't? +And if you don't? Then I don't suppose it'll matter much to anyone but me. +Then I don't suppose it'll matter much to anyone but me. I think it might also matter to Mitch. +I think it might also matter to Mitch. Mitch has always done exactly what he wanted to do. I'm not complaining. That's the mark of a man. But... You see, I... I wouldn't want to be... be left alone. I don't think I could bear being left alone. I... forgive me. This business with the birds has me upset. I... I don't know what I'd do if Mitch weren't here. +Mitch has always done exactly what he wanted to do. I'm not complaining. That's the mark of a man. But... You see, I... I wouldn't want to be... be left alone. I don't think I could bear being left alone. I... forgive me. This business with the birds has me upset. I... I don't know what I'd do if Mitch weren't here. Why don't you try to sleep now, Mrs. Brenner. +Why don't you try to sleep now, Mrs. Brenner. I wish I were stronger. Do you think she's all right? Do you think she's safe at the school? +I wish I were stronger. Do you think she's all right? Do you think she's safe at the school? Would you like me to go for her? +Would you like me to go for her? I couldn't ask you to. +I couldn't ask you to. I don't mind, really. +I don't mind, really. Would you? I'd feel so much better. +Would you? I'd feel so much better. I'll just clear up here, and then dress. +That's the last of it. Did you close the door? +Did you close the door? And locked it. +Please don't mess me up with bandages, Mrs. Brenner. Shhhh. Shhhh. +Shhhh. Shhhh. Please. +That's a chimney swift, all right. We know what it is, Al. +Well, these birds live in chimneys, you know. Not by the thousands. +Not by the thousands. No, I gotta admit this is peculiar. Did you have a light burning or something. +No, I gotta admit this is peculiar. Did you have a light burning or something. Yes, but the curtains were drawn. +Yes, but the curtains were drawn. 'Cause sometimes birds are attracted by light, you know. Sure is a peculiar thing. +'Cause sometimes birds are attracted by light, you know. Sure is a peculiar thing. What are we going to do about it, Al? +What are we going to do about it, Al? I don't think I get you, Mitch. Do about what? +I don't think I get you, Mitch. Do about what? Well... Well... these birds attacked us. +What's more likely, they got in the room and was just panicked, that's all. All right, I'll grant you a bird'll panic in an enclosed room. But, they didn't just get in. They came in! Right down that chimney. +All right, I'll grant you a bird'll panic in an enclosed room. But, they didn't just get in. They came in! Right down that chimney. My wife found a bird in the back seat of her car once. +My wife found a bird in the back seat of her car once. Didn't know how he got in there. Had a broken leg, turned out. Just fluttering all around there. +Didn't know how he got in there. Had a broken leg, turned out. Just fluttering all around there. These birds were... +These birds were... What I'm trying to say, Mitch, is these things happen sometimes, you know? Ain't much we can do about it. +Oh, yeah, yeah. How old is she now? Eleven. In the middle of the party, some gulls came down at the children. And Miss Daniels was attacked by a gull just yesterday after... +Does this room look silly? No, you got quite a mess here, I'll admit that. Maybe you oughta put some screening on top of your chimney Seems a little pointless, though. Freak accident like this wouldn't happen again in a million years. You want some help cleaning up? +Well, if there's anything else I can do, Mitch... Thanks, Al. We'll be all right. +Thanks, Al. We'll be all right. Goodnight, Lydia. +He was killed last night. By birds. Now hold it, Mitch. You don't know that for a fact. +There's an ordinance against burning anything in this town, unless it's... We'll use smoke pots. Like the Army uses. +Is that for Mitch Brenner? Yes. +Yes. He's not home. +He's not home. That's all right. +He won't be back until Monday. I mean, if those birds are for him.... Monday? +Monday? Yes. I don't think you should leave them in the hall, do you? +Yes. I don't think you should leave them in the hall, do you? Well, I... +Well, where did he go? Bodega Bay. He goes up there every weekend. +Bodega Bay. He goes up there every weekend. Bodega Bay? Where's that? +Bodega Bay? Where's that? Up on the coast. About sixty miles north of here. +Up on the coast. About sixty miles north of here. Sixty... Oh. +Sixty... Oh. About an hour and a half on the freeway. Or two if you take the coast highway. +About an hour and a half on the freeway. Or two if you take the coast highway. Oh. +Oh. I'd hold the birds for him, but I'm going away myself. Someone's got to feed them, I suppose. +I'd hold the birds for him, but I'm going away myself. Someone's got to feed them, I suppose. Yes. Yes, someone's got to feed them. +Yes. Yes, someone's got to feed them. I'm awfully sorry. +I wonder if you could help me. What? +What? I said I wonder if you could help me. +Yes, what was it you were looking for, sir? Lovebirds. +Lovebirds. Lovebirds, sir? +Lovebirds, sir? Yes. I understand there are different varieties, it that true? +Yes. I understand there are different varieties, it that true? Well... yes, sir, there are. +Well... yes, sir, there are. These are for my sister... her birthday you see. As she'll be eleven and... well, frankly, I wouldn't want a pair of birds that were too demonstrative. +These are for my sister... her birthday you see. As she'll be eleven and... well, frankly, I wouldn't want a pair of birds that were too demonstrative. I understand completely, sir. +I understand completely, sir. As the same time, I wouldn't want birds that were aloof, either. +As the same time, I wouldn't want birds that were aloof, either. No, of course not. +No, of course not. Do you have a pair that are just friendly? +Do you have a pair that are just friendly? I think so, sir. Now then, let me see. +I think so, sir. Now then, let me see. Aren't these lovebirds? +Aren't these lovebirds? No, sir, those are... redbirds. +No, sir, those are... redbirds. The sign says strawberry finches. +The sign says strawberry finches. Yes, we call them that too. Ahhh, here we are, Lovebirds... +Yes, we call them that too. Ahhh, here we are, Lovebirds... Those are canaries, Miss. Doesn't this make you feel awful? +Those are canaries, Miss. Doesn't this make you feel awful? Doesn't what make me...? +Doesn't what make me...? All these innocent little creatures caged up like this? +All these innocent little creatures caged up like this? Well, we can't just let them fly around the shop, you know. +Well, we can't just let them fly around the shop, you know. I suppose not. Is there an ornithological reason for keeping them in separate cages? +I suppose not. Is there an ornithological reason for keeping them in separate cages? Oh, certainly. It's to protect the species. +Oh, certainly. It's to protect the species. I imagine that's very important. Especially during the moulting season. +I imagine that's very important. Especially during the moulting season. Yes, that's a particularly dangerous time. +Yes, that's a particularly dangerous time. Are they moulting now? +Are they moulting now? Some of them are. +Some of them are. How can you tell? +How can you tell? Well... they get a sort of hangdog expression. +Yes, I see. About those lovebirds, Miss... Are you sure you wouldn't like to see a canary instead? We have some very nice canaries this week. +Are you sure you wouldn't like to see a canary instead? We have some very nice canaries this week. All right. She smiles back. +What did you say? I was merely drawing a parallel, Miss Daniels. +I was merely drawing a parallel, Miss Daniels. But how... how do you know my name? +But how... how do you know my name? A little birdie told me. Good day, Miss Daniels. Madam. +A little birdie told me. Good day, Miss Daniels. Madam. Hey, wait a minute! +I don't know you. Ahhh, but I know you. +Ahhh, but I know you. How? +How? We met in court. +We met in court. We never met in court or anyplace else. +We never met in court or anyplace else. That's true. I'll rephrase it. I saw you in court. +That's true. I'll rephrase it. I saw you in court. When? +When? Do you remember one of your practical jokes that resulted in the smashing of a plate glass window? +Do you remember one of your practical jokes that resulted in the smashing of a plate glass window? I didn't break that window! +I didn't break that window! No, but your little prank did. The judge should have put you behind bars! +No, but your little prank did. The judge should have put you behind bars! What are you? A policeman? +What are you? A policeman? I simply believe in the law, Miss Daniels, and I'm not too keen on practical jokers. +I simply believe in the law, Miss Daniels, and I'm not too keen on practical jokers. What do you call your lovebird story if not a practical... +What do you call your lovebird story if not a practical... Ahhh, but I really do want those birds. +Ahhh, but I really do want those birds. You knew I didn't work here. You deliberately... +You knew I didn't work here. You deliberately... Right. I recognized you when I came in. I thought you might like to know what it felt like to be on the other end of a gag. What do you think of that, Miss Daniels? +Right. I recognized you when I came in. I thought you might like to know what it felt like to be on the other end of a gag. What do you think of that, Miss Daniels? I think you're a louse. +I think you're a louse. I am. Good day. Madam. +I am. Good day. Madam. And I'm glad you didn't get your lovebirds! +And I'm glad you didn't get your lovebirds! I'll find something else. See you in court some day. +That was the damndest thing I ever saw. What made it... +What made it... It deliberately came down at you -- you're bleeding... +What's that? Just some peroxide. I want to clean out the cut. +So you're a lawyer. That's right. What are you doing in Bodega Bay? +That's right. What are you doing in Bodega Bay? Do you practice here? +Do you practice here? No, San Francisco. What are you...? +No, San Francisco. What are you...? What kind of law? +What kind of law? Criminal. +Criminal. Is that why you'd like to see everyone behind bars? +Is that why you'd like to see everyone behind bars? Not everyone, Miss Daniels. +Not everyone, Miss Daniels. Only violators and practical jokers. +Ouch! I'm sorry. What are you doing up here? +I'm sorry. What are you doing up here? Didn't you see the lovebirds? +Didn't you see the lovebirds? You came all the way up here to bring me those birds? +You came all the way up here to bring me those birds? To bring your sister those birds. You said it was her birthday. Besides, I was coming up anyway. +To bring your sister those birds. You said it was her birthday. Besides, I was coming up anyway. What for? +What for? To see a friend of mine. Will you please be careful? +To see a friend of mine. Will you please be careful? I'm sorry. Who's your friend? +I'm sorry. Who's your friend? Why... +Why... Yes? +Yes? Annie. Annie Hayworth. +Annie. Annie Hayworth. Well, well, small world. Annie Hayworth. +Well, well, small world. Annie Hayworth. Yes. +Yes. How do you know Annie? +How do you know Annie? We... we went to school together. College. +We... we went to school together. College. Did you! Imagine that! How long will you be staying? +Did you! Imagine that! How long will you be staying? Just a few... just a day or two... the weekend. +Just a few... just a day or two... the weekend. I think we'll have to shave the hair. Deke, have you got a razor? +I think we'll have to shave the hair. Deke, have you got a razor? Oh, no you don't! +Oh, no you don't! It's still bleeding a little. Here, let me put this on. +So you came up to see Annie, huh? Yes. +Yes. I don't believe you. I think you came up to see me. +I don't believe you. I think you came up to see me. Why would I want to see you, of all people? +Why would I want to see you, of all people? I don't know. But it seems to me you must have gone to a lot of trouble to find out who I was, and where I lived and... +I don't know. But it seems to me you must have gone to a lot of trouble to find out who I was, and where I lived and... It was no trouble at all. I simply called my father's paper. Besides, I was coming up here anyway, I already told you... +It was no trouble at all. I simply called my father's paper. Besides, I was coming up here anyway, I already told you... You like me, huh? +You like me, huh? I loathe you. You have no manners. And you're arrogant and conceited and... I wrote you a letter about it, in fact, but I tore it up. +I loathe you. You have no manners. And you're arrogant and conceited and... I wrote you a letter about it, in fact, but I tore it up. What did it say? +What did it say? None of your business. Am I still bleeding? +Can't see a thing. I can't say I like your seagulls much, either. I come all the way up here to... +I can't say I like your seagulls much, either. I come all the way up here to... But you were coming up anyway, remember? +But you were coming up anyway, remember? I was! And all I get for my pains is a... a... a hole in the head! +I was! And all I get for my pains is a... a... a hole in the head! Right next to the one you already had. +Right next to the one you already had. Look, Mr. Brenner... +After all, you did go to the trouble of bringing up those birds. I'm sorry. I couldn't possibly... +Yes, but... You are, aren't you? +You are, aren't you? Certainly, but... +Certainly, but... Then it's settled. What time is dinner, Mother? +With... with Annie, of course. Of course, how stupid of me. A quarter to seven, will that be all right? +Of course, how stupid of me. A quarter to seven, will that be all right? Annie... Annie may have made other plans. I'll have to see. Besides, I can find my own way. +Annie... Annie may have made other plans. I'll have to see. Besides, I can find my own way. You're sure now? You won't hire a boat or anything? +You're sure now? You won't hire a boat or anything? I'm sure. +I'm sure. Seven o'clock then. +Seven o'clock then. Maybe. +Hi. Annie had no plans, huh? I'm glad you came. Are you hungry? Famished. +Famished. Dinner's just about ready. We were out back looking at the chickens. Something seems to be wrong with them. +Why did he shoot her? He was watching a ball game on television. +He was watching a ball game on television. What? +What? His wife changed the channel. +You'll be able to find your way back, won't you? Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. Will I be seeing you again? +Will I be seeing you again? San Francisco's a long way from here. +San Francisco's a long way from here. I'm in San Francisco five days a week. With a lot of time on my hands. I'd like to see you. Maybe we could go swimming or something. Mother tells me you like to swim. +I'm in San Francisco five days a week. With a lot of time on my hands. I'd like to see you. Maybe we could go swimming or something. Mother tells me you like to swim. How does Mother know what I like to do? +How does Mother know what I like to do? I guess she and I read the same gossip columns. +I guess she and I read the same gossip columns. Oh. That. Rome. +Oh. That. Rome. Mmmm. I like to swim. We might get along very... +Mmmm. I like to swim. We might get along very... In case you're interested, I was pushed into that fountain. +In case you're interested, I was pushed into that fountain. Without any clothes on? +Without any clothes on? With all my clothes on! The newspaper that ran the story happens to be a rival of my father's paper. Anything they said... +With all my clothes on! The newspaper that ran the story happens to be a rival of my father's paper. Anything they said... You were just a poor, innocent victim of circumstance, huh? +You were just a poor, innocent victim of circumstance, huh? I'm neither poor nor innocent, but the truth of that particular... +I'm neither poor nor innocent, but the truth of that particular... The truth is you were running around with a pretty wild crowd... +The truth is you were running around with a pretty wild crowd... Yes, but... +Yes, but... ...who didn't much care for propriety or convention or... +...who didn't much care for propriety or convention or... Yes. +Yes. ...the opinions of others, and you went right along with them, isn't that the truth? +...the opinions of others, and you went right along with them, isn't that the truth? Yes, that's the truth. But I was pushed into that fountain, and that's the truth, too. +Yes, that's the truth. But I was pushed into that fountain, and that's the truth, too. Sure. Do you really know Annie Hayworth? +Sure. Do you really know Annie Hayworth? No. At least, I didn't until I came up here. +No. At least, I didn't until I came up here. So you didn't go to school together. +So you didn't go to school together. No. +No. And you didn't come up here to see her. +And you didn't come up here to see her. No. +No. You were lying. +You were lying. Yes, I was lying. +Yes, I was lying. Did you really write a letter to me? Or was that a lie, too? +Did you really write a letter to me? Or was that a lie, too? I wrote the letter. +I wrote the letter. What did it say? +What did it say? "It said, ""Dear Mr. Brenner, I think you need those lovebirds, after all. They may help your personality."" That's what it said." +"It said, ""Dear Mr. Brenner, I think you need those lovebirds, after all. They may help your personality."" That's what it said." But you tore it up. +But you tore it up. Yes. +Yes. Why? +Why? Because it seemed stupid and foolish. +Because it seemed stupid and foolish. Like jumping into a fountain in Rome! +Like jumping into a fountain in Rome! I told you what happened in Rome! +I told you what happened in Rome! Do you expect me to believe...? +Do you expect me to believe...? I don't give a damn what you believe! +I'd still like to see you. Why? +Why? I think it could be fun. +That might have been good enough in Rome last summer. But it's not good enough now. It is for me. +It is for me. But not for me. +But not for me. What do you want ? +What do you want ? I thought you knew! I want to go through life laughing and beautiful and jumping into fountains naked! Good night! +I really shouldn't have any more. I'm a little tipsy already. I'm trying to get you to stay for dinner. We're going to have a lot of roast left over. +I'm trying to get you to stay for dinner. We're going to have a lot of roast left over. I couldn't possibly. I have to get back. +I couldn't possibly. I have to get back. Cheers. +Cheers. Cheers. +What's in this? Nitro-glycerin? Why do you have to rush off? What's so important in San Francisco? +Why do you have to rush off? What's so important in San Francisco? Well... I have to get to work tomorrow morning, for one thing. +Well... I have to get to work tomorrow morning, for one thing. You have a job? +You have a job? I have several jobs. +I have several jobs. What do you do? +What do you do? I do different things on different days. +I do different things on different days. Like what? +Like what? On Mondays and Wednesdays, I work for the Travelers' Aid. At the airport. +On Mondays and Wednesdays, I work for the Travelers' Aid. At the airport. Helping travelers. +Helping travelers. Yes. +And on Tuesdays, I take a course in General Semantics at Berkeley. That's not a job, of course. I just take it because... What about Thursdays and Fridays? +What about Thursdays and Fridays? On Thursdays I have my meeting and lunch. I'm chairman of a group that's sending a little Korean boy through school. We plan how to raise funds and... things like that. +On Thursdays I have my meeting and lunch. I'm chairman of a group that's sending a little Korean boy through school. We plan how to raise funds and... things like that. And Fridays? What do you do then? +And Fridays? What do you do then? Nothing. I go to bird shops on Fridays. +Nothing. I go to bird shops on Fridays. I'm glad you do. +I'm glad you do. Do you know what I was doing in that shop? +Do you know what I was doing in that shop? What? +What? I have an aunt, you see. Aunt Tessa. She's seventy years old, and veddy prim and strait-laced. She's coming back from Europe at the end of the month, and I'm going to give her a myna bird that'll talk to her. +I have an aunt, you see. Aunt Tessa. She's seventy years old, and veddy prim and strait-laced. She's coming back from Europe at the end of the month, and I'm going to give her a myna bird that'll talk to her. What'll it say? +What'll it say? You'll think me very bold, sir. +You'll think me very bold, sir. No, tell me. +Are you all right? Yes. +You look a little shaken. I... I am. Mitch, is... Mitch, this isn't usual, is it? The gull yesterday when I was in the boat, and the one last night at Annie's, and now... +I... I am. Mitch, is... Mitch, this isn't usual, is it? The gull yesterday when I was in the boat, and the one last night at Annie's, and now... Last night? What do you mean? +Last night? What do you mean? A gull smashed into Annie's front door. Mitch... what's happening? +A gull smashed into Annie's front door. Mitch... what's happening? I don't know, Melanie. Look, do you have to go back to Annie's? +I don't know, Melanie. Look, do you have to go back to Annie's? No, I have my things in the car. +No, I have my things in the car. Then stay and have something to eat before you start back. I'd feel a lot better. +Do you want some mustard with this? No, thank you. +Some cream? I'll get it. +I'll take Cathy up to bed. Are you staying? +Are you staying? I think I should, don't you? +It smelled of the fire. It's hard to believe anything at all happened yesterday, isn't it? It's so beautiful and still now. I think I've got it all figured out, by the way. +It's hard to believe anything at all happened yesterday, isn't it? It's so beautiful and still now. I think I've got it all figured out, by the way. Really? Tell me about it. +Really? Tell me about it. It's an uprising. +It's an uprising. Of birds? +Of birds? Certainly, of birds. +It all started several months ago with a peasant sparrow up in the hills, a malcontent. He went around telling all the other sparrows that human beings weren't fit to rule this planet, preaching wherever anyone would listen... Growing a beard... +Growing a beard... Yes, of course, he had to have a beard! 'Birds of the world, unite!' he kept saying, over and over... +Yes, of course, he had to have a beard! 'Birds of the world, unite!' he kept saying, over and over... So they united. +So they united. Not at first. Oh yes, a few sparrows out for kicks... +Not at first. Oh yes, a few sparrows out for kicks... Well, they'll go along with anything. +Well, they'll go along with anything. "Sure. But eventually, even the more serious-minded birds began to listen. ""Why should humans rule?"" they asked themselves." +"Sure. But eventually, even the more serious-minded birds began to listen. ""Why should humans rule?"" they asked themselves." Hear! +Hear! Why should we submit ourselves to their domination? +Why should we submit ourselves to their domination? Hear, hear! +Hear, hear! And all the while, that sparrow was getting in his little messages. Birds of the world, unite! +And all the while, that sparrow was getting in his little messages. Birds of the world, unite! Take wing! +Take wing! You have nothing to lose but your feathers. +What it was, probably... Mmm? +Mmm? They're probably hungry, that's all. This was a bad summer. They eat berries and... and nuts, you know, and the hills are all burned out, so they're probably searching for food wherever they can get it. +They're probably hungry, that's all. This was a bad summer. They eat berries and... and nuts, you know, and the hills are all burned out, so they're probably searching for food wherever they can get it. With my little sparrow leading team. +It's so damn quiet out there. It was like that yesterday. +It was like that yesterday. What do you mean? +What do you mean? After the gulls attacked. +After the gulls attacked. I hadn't thought of that. And then the swifts came. +I hadn't thought of that. And then the swifts came. It makes you feel as if they're... they're waiting or... resting... or.... +It makes you feel as if they're... they're waiting or... resting... or.... No, they're having a meeting, Melanie. Your sparrow is standing on a soap box and... +Melanie, Melanie... I'm frightened, Mitch. +I'm frightened, Mitch. No, no... +No, no... I'm frightened and confused and I... I think I want to go back to San Francisco where there are buildings and... and concrete and... +I'm frightened and confused and I... I think I want to go back to San Francisco where there are buildings and... and concrete and... Melanie... +Melanie... ...everything I know. +That was Al on the phone. He wants me to meet him out at the Fawcett place. Says some detectives from Santa Rosa'll be there in a little while. Will you be all right here? Yes. I was just taking her in some tea. +I got here as fast as I could. Where's Cathy? At Annie's house. She's all right. +I think it's safe to get out now. Don't let's take any chances. +Don't let's take any chances. We've got to get Cathy. +The town looks clear. The bay doesn't. +The bay doesn't. How long have they been gathering there? +How long have they been gathering there? The past fifteen minutes. It seems to be a pattern, doesn't it? They strike and disappear, and then they start massing again. +I keep thinking of Annie. It... it doesn't look very different, does it? A little smoke over the town, but otherwise... +It... it doesn't look very different, does it? A little smoke over the town, but otherwise... Even the birds sitting out there. It does look very much the same, Mitch. This could be last week. +Even the birds sitting out there. It does look very much the same, Mitch. This could be last week. It may not be last week again for a long long time. +Do you want to try your father again? I tried a little while ago. The phone's dead. +I tried a little while ago. The phone's dead. Have we still got power? +Have we still got power? Yes. I'm tired, Mitch. I'm so very very tired. +Where are they heading? Inland. +Inland. Santa Rosa? +Santa Rosa? Maybe. +When will they stop? I thought they'd have stopped by now. +I thought they'd have stopped by now. What time is it? +What time is it? Almost two a.m. +Almost two a.m. You must be exhausted. +You must be exhausted. How about you? +You'd have been safe in San Francisco. I don't want to be safe. I want to be with you. +The power. Mitch... +Mitch... Wait here. Don't move. +We'd better light some of those lamps. No... wait. Hold me. +Mitch, if they hear the car starting... if they see movement... We'll take it slow until we get to the main road. Are you ready? +Can we turn back? I... I don't think so. If we get through town, I think we'll be all right. +Hello, Mrs. MacGruder, have you ever seen so many gulls? Hello, Miss Daniels. +Hello, Miss Daniels. What do you suppose it is? +I was hoping you'd be a little late, Miss Daniels. You see, he hasn't arrived yet. You said three o'clock. +You said three o'clock. I know. Oh, I know. I've been calling all morning. Oh, you have no idea. Miss Daniels, they're so difficult to get, really they are. We get them from India, you know, when they're just little chicks, and then we have to... +I know. Oh, I know. I've been calling all morning. Oh, you have no idea. Miss Daniels, they're so difficult to get, really they are. We get them from India, you know, when they're just little chicks, and then we have to... Well, this one won't be a chick, will he? +Well, this one won't be a chick, will he? Certainly not. Oh, no. Certainly not. This will be a full grown myna bird. Full grown. +Certainly not. Oh, no. Certainly not. This will be a full grown myna bird. Full grown. And he'll talk? +And he'll talk? Well, yes, he'll talk. Well, no, no. You'll have to teach him to talk. +Well, yes, he'll talk. Well, no, no. You'll have to teach him to talk. Yes. +Yes. Yes. Oh my, I suppose I should call them again. They said three o'clock. Maybe it's the traffic. I'll call. Would you mind waiting? +Yes. Oh my, I suppose I should call them again. They said three o'clock. Maybe it's the traffic. I'll call. Would you mind waiting? I think maybe you'd better deliver him. Let me give you my address. +I think maybe you'd better deliver him. Let me give you my address. Oh. Oh, well, all right. +I'm sure they're on the way, though. Could I just call? Well, all right, but... +There we are! Oh, good! Oh, wonderful. +That... that... who was that? I have no idea. +Have you got a pencil? What? Oh, yes, certainly. +They said the myna bird would be here later this afternoon. If you'd care to come back... No, you'd better send him. May I use your phone? +No, you'd better send him. May I use your phone? Yes, certainly. +Yes, certainly. Do you have any lovebirds? +Do you have any lovebirds? No, not in the shop. But I can order them for you. +No, not in the shop. But I can order them for you. How soon? +How soon? Well... well, how soon would you want them? +Well... well, how soon would you want them? Immediately. Is this the Daily News? Melanie Daniels. Would you get me the city desk, please? +Immediately. Is this the Daily News? Melanie Daniels. Would you get me the city desk, please? I might be able to have them by tomorrow morning. Would that be all right? +I might be able to have them by tomorrow morning. Would that be all right? That would be just fine. Hello, Charlie, this is Melanie. I want you to do a favor for me. No, this is a small one. Pressure you? Why, Charlie darling, would I try to pressure you? Will you call the Department of Motor Vehicles for me and find out who owns this license plate? DKQ dash one seven six. Yes, a California plate. No, I'll stop up there in a little while. Is daddy in his office? Oh. No, no, I don't want to break in on a meeting. Just tell him I'll see him later. Thank you, Charlie. +No, the birds didn't attack until the children were outside the school. Crows, I think. I don't know, Daddy. Is there a difference between crows and blackbirds? There is very definitely a difference, Miss. +There is very definitely a difference, Miss. They're different, Daddy. Thank you. I think these were crows. Yes, hundreds of them. Yes, they attacked the children, attacked them. Daddy, a little girl was sent to the hospital in Santa Rosa. Well, all right, but you act as if I'm... all right, all right. No, I can't come home now. I just can't, Daddy. How is it there? I mean... are there birds? In the sky? But no trouble. Well, I hope... I don't know when. I simply can't leave now. Tell Mother not to worry. All right, Daddy, good-by. +They're both perching birds, of course, but of quite different species. The crow is brachyrhynchos. The blackbird is cyanocephalus. Thank you. Do you know Dan Fawcett's number? +I just came from the school, madam. I don't know about their brain pans but... Birds are not aggressive creatures, Miss. They bring beauty to the world. It is mankind, rather, who... +Hello, may I speak to Mitch Brenner, please? Yes, I'll wait. ...insist on making it difficult for life to survive on this planet. If it weren't for birds... +Yes, all right, I'll wait for you. Good-by. I hardly think a few birds are going to bring about the end of the world. +I hardly think a few birds are going to bring about the end of the world. These weren't a few birds. +The gulls were after your fish, Mr. Sholes. Really, let's be logical about this. What were the crows after at the school? +What were the crows after at the school? What do you think they were after, Miss...? +What do you think they were after, Miss...? Daniels. I think they were after the children. +Daniels. I think they were after the children. For what purpose? +For what purpose? To... To kill them. +I don't know why. I thought not. Birds have been on this planet since archaeopteryx, Miss Daniels; a hundred and twenty million years ago! +Doesn't it seem odd that they'd wait all that time to start a... a war against humanity? No one called it a war! +Have you ever seen a jay protecting a nest? I have seen jays doing everything it is conceivable for jays to do. Ornithology happens to be my avocation, Miss Daniels. You're talking about preservation of the species, a hen protecting her young. There's a vast difference between... +I have seen jays doing everything it is conceivable for jays to do. Ornithology happens to be my avocation, Miss Daniels. You're talking about preservation of the species, a hen protecting her young. There's a vast difference between... Maybe they're all protecting the species. Maybe they're tired of being shot at and roasted in ovens and... +Maybe they're all protecting the species. Maybe they're tired of being shot at and roasted in ovens and... Are you discussing gamebirds now? All birds are not gamebirds, you know. +Are you discussing gamebirds now? All birds are not gamebirds, you know. I don't know anything about birds except that they're attacking this town. +And what? Vultures? Hawks? Eagles? Maybe! Is it impossible? +Maybe! Is it impossible? Yes. I have never known birds of different species to flock together. The very concept is unimaginable. Why if that happened, we wouldn't have a chance. How could we possible hope to fight them? +Sebastian, I'm not an alarmist. No one ever said you were, Mitch. +No one ever said you were, Mitch. I think we're in trouble. I don't know how or why this started, but I know it's here and I know we'd be crazy to ignore it. +Look, Mitch, even if this is true, even if all the birds... Do you believe it's true, Sebastian? +Do you believe it's true, Sebastian? No. I don't, Mitch. Because I can't see any reason for it. +No. I don't, Mitch. Because I can't see any reason for it. It's happening. Isn't that a good enough reason? +It's happening. Isn't that a good enough reason? I like Bodega Bay as well as any man. If I thought... +I like Bodega Bay as well as any man. If I thought... Then help me, Sebastian. You're an important man in this town. If you'll help, the rest will. +Then help me, Sebastian. You're an important man in this town. If you'll help, the rest will. Help how? What do you want to do? +Help how? What do you want to do? I'm not sure, but... +I'm not sure, but... If you don't even know what you want to do... +I only know we've got to drive them away from town -- before they drive us away. How? +How? Mrs. Bundy, you said something about Santa Cruz. About seagulls getting lost in the fog, and heading in for the lights. +How do you plan to do that? With smoke. +How can we go on living here if we blanket the town with smoke? Can we go on living here otherwise? +Scotch, light on the water. You and Mr. Sholes seem to be implying as much. +Birds? Yeah, birds. All they do is make a mess of everything. Who needs them? +Yeah, birds. All they do is make a mess of everything. Who needs them? We need them. +We need them. Not if they're starting a war. +Not if they're starting a war. They are incapable of organized warfare! +Then fight back. Get yourselves guns and wipe them off the face of the earth. That would hardly be possible. +Kill them all. Get rid of them. Messy animals. ...probably contain more than a hundred billion birds! +That's right, sir, I recall it. A large flock of seagulls got lost in a fog and headed in for the town, where all the lights were. They made some mess, too, smashing into houses and everything. They always make a mess. We're better off without them. +They made some mess, too, smashing into houses and everything. They always make a mess. We're better off without them. The point is that no one seemed to get upset about it. They were gone the next morning, just as if nothing at all had happened. Poor things. +How many gulls did you count, Mrs. Bundy? Which gulls, Mr. Sholes? There are several varieties. +Which gulls, Mr. Sholes? There are several varieties. The ones that've been raising the devil with my fishing boats. +The ones that've been raising the devil with my fishing boats. Probably herring gulls. They arrive in November, you know, and don't migrate North again until March or... +Actually, those gulls must have been after the fish. Of course. +Of course. Makes a lot more sense than... well, an attack. +Makes a lot more sense than... well, an attack. Of course it does. If we believe that birds are attacking, why... why next we'll believe that grasshoppers and cockroaches are capable of... +I'm going out that way, lady. You can follow me. Then let's go. Now! +Then let's go. Now! I haven't finished my drink. +I haven't finished my drink. Put on your coats! Do you want to get trapped here? +Were the Santa Rosa police at your school today? Are you coming? Take it easy, lady. There isn't a bird anywhere in sight. +Something like this happened in Santa Cruz last year. The town was covered with seagulls. Can't you please finish your drink? +I'm leaving! Are you coming? All right, all right! Hope you figure this out, folks. +I'm Donald Fettes. I'm very pleased to know you, Master Fettes. +I'm very pleased to know you, Master Fettes. Mr. Gray? +Mr. Gray? That's right. Gray, the cabman. I've had a bit of dealing with MacFarlane in the past, you know. +Dr. MacFarlane said I should pay you -- Of course -- it's the soul of the business -- the pay -- +I fear he may have to. But can't you give me any idea? +But can't you give me any idea? How could I? I will do my best. After all, you see, I am financially interested. +There, Master Fettes. Sooner than we had expected. A stoke of luck one might say. Good. +Oh, you'll have ample opportunity -- ample -- Good morning, Dr. Fettes. Good morning. +You asked to see me, ma'am? I want you to help my little girl. +I want you to help my little girl. I'm only a student. +I'm only a student. Georgina told me how kind you were to her. It gave me hope you might intercede for us with Dr. MacFarlane. +Georgina told me how kind you were to her. It gave me hope you might intercede for us with Dr. MacFarlane. I don't know that I can do that, Mrs. Marsh. +I don't know that I can do that, Mrs. Marsh. Did he tell you about Georgina? +I didn't mean it that way. I meant only that I am not in a position to ask favors. Ask this one favor -- +Ask this one favor -- Of course I will. +You have his promise, then? Yes. +-- pain -- and shock. She's brave enough, but I don't know about myself. Now that it seems so close, I wonder if I dare trust my child into any but God's hands. Maybe He knows best. Ma'am, is you'll allow me, I'd like to give you cause for courage -- Dr. MacFarlane is a great man -- I think he's the greatest man in medicine. God would not have given him such gifts if they were not meant for Georgina's cure. +Good morning, Mrs. Marsh. Good morning, Mr. Fettes. +It's not because of Georgina -- because of Dr. MacFarlane's failure? It's not the failure. I feel that MacFarlane has taught me nothing. He taught me the mathematics of anatomy but he couldn't teach me the poetry of medicine. +Even so, I could never think of going on -- I've got to find some other profession. It is a pity. +You must leave this house. I can't do that -- you heard MacFarlane. +I can't do that -- you heard MacFarlane. Save yourself. Master Fettes look at MacFarlane and be warned. +Save yourself. Master Fettes look at MacFarlane and be warned. He's a great doctor -- a great man -- +He's a great doctor -- a great man -- Is it a great man whom Gray can order to his bidding? Is it a great man who for very shame dare not acknowledge his own wife so that I must play maidservant for the world's sake and his success? +He could have been a great man -- a good man and a fine doctor, but there was always the shame of the old life and the old ways to hold him back -- and always Gray -- Gray to hound him to his death. You're over-excited, Mistress Cameron. +You're over-excited, Mistress Cameron. I'm cold as ice. +I'm cold as ice. But Gray's only a cab driver -- a Resurrection Man who robs graves to make a bit of money now and again. +But Gray's only a cab driver -- a Resurrection Man who robs graves to make a bit of money now and again. If he were only that. The man's evil himself. Some day you'll know him as MacFarlane knows him -- for MacFarlane he was to Knox as you are to him. That brought him close to Gray, he roistered with him and drank with him. Aye, and Gray even brought him to my door and my love. There is all that between them and more -- Burke and Hare and Knox -- +If he were only that. The man's evil himself. Some day you'll know him as MacFarlane knows him -- for MacFarlane he was to Knox as you are to him. That brought him close to Gray, he roistered with him and drank with him. Aye, and Gray even brought him to my door and my love. There is all that between them and more -- Burke and Hare and Knox -- But that's long since. Gray can't threaten him with that. +But that's long since. Gray can't threaten him with that. Gray has no need to threaten. You remember the trial? +Gray has no need to threaten. You remember the trial? I heard my parents speak of it in Thrums. It was a famous case. +I heard my parents speak of it in Thrums. It was a famous case. And did you hear them speak of the porter who testified against Burke? +And did you hear them speak of the porter who testified against Burke? Aye. +Aye. They did not tell you how that porter cried out in the witness box when the Kings Counselor pressed him hard -- how he cried out that he was shielding a gentleman of consequence. +That porter was Gray and the gentleman of consequence who couldn't swallow the shame of it -- who took my last paltry savings to hire Gray -- MacFarlane +Listen to me, Fettes, I'm one part befuddled with drink, one part over-heels in love with MacFarlane, and one part fey. You're a lowlander, Fettes, and you have no way of knowing what we Highlanders call the second sight. I've heard of it. +I've heard of it. It's a gift to my people -- and I see MacFarlane and Gray-- the pit yawns for them and the flames -- and I would have you away from them and safe out of the torment.-- +He's not home. Where can I find him? +Where can I find him? You don't went to find him. Your news will keep until I tell him. +You don't went to find him. Your news will keep until I tell him. But I must tell him -- he must know of it. Please -- tell me where he is. +But I must tell him -- he must know of it. Please -- tell me where he is. There's no standing between a fool and his folly. If you must babble your news to him he's at the Fisherman's Tryst. It's the inn at Pennycuik. You can use MacFarlane's horse and gig to get there. He'll welcome the ride back. +There's no standing between a fool and his folly. If you must babble your news to him he's at the Fisherman's Tryst. It's the inn at Pennycuik. You can use MacFarlane's horse and gig to get there. He'll welcome the ride back. At Pennycuik. I know the inn. I can be there in an hour. +At Pennycuik. I know the inn. I can be there in an hour. And back with MacFarlane and all that he stands for the next day. +Excuse me, Dr. MacFarlane -- Come in, boy -- come in. +But, Doctor, I only wanted to speak to you -- Come -- it's a chance to try out your bedside manner, Fettes. Take a look at the child. +Dr. MacFarlane -- Excuse me. +I'm afraid I'll have to give up medicine, Dr. MacFarlane. You're made for a doctor, young man! +You're made for a doctor, young man! I'm afraid I have to, sir. You see, my father is vicar at Thrums -- it's a small parish -- not much of a living -- +I'm afraid I have to, sir. You see, my father is vicar at Thrums -- it's a small parish -- not much of a living -- You're too good a man, Fettes -- I'll not let you quit. I'll make an assistant of you -- that'll pay your keep and your tuition, too -- +You're too good a man, Fettes -- I'll not let you quit. I'll make an assistant of you -- that'll pay your keep and your tuition, too -- I thought only the best students were made assistants. +I thought only the best students were made assistants. Well? And are you not a good student? +Well? And are you not a good student? But Richardson? +But Richardson? Richardson is a fine student. He's got a glib tongue, but you'll be a better doctor, Fettes. Come along now -- +You know how we get the specimens we use for dissection? From the Municipal Council -- they're the bodies of paupers -- +I don't think I can go on, sir. What the devil do you mean? You have your lodgings, a certain stipend -- I thought I had arranged everything for you -- +What the devil do you mean? You have your lodgings, a certain stipend -- I thought I had arranged everything for you -- I saw the woman whose son's body was delivered last night. +And that's why you don't want to be a doctor, Fettes? Not if I have to be party to things like that, Dr. MacFarlane. +But this woman -- and her son -- I'm sorry for the woman, Fettes. But her son might be alive today had more doctors been given the opportunity to work on more human specimens. As for me, Fettes, I let no man stop me when I know I'm right -- when I know that I need those lifeless subjects for my student's enlightenment and for my own knowledge. And if you're a real man and want to be a good doctor, you'll see it as I see it. +Dr. MacFarlane -- you remember the lady who came to see you yesterday -- the lady with the little girl? I remember her. +I remember her. She came again today. She wanted me to ask you if you would not break your rule and operate. She feels you are her only hope. +She came again today. She wanted me to ask you if you would not break your rule and operate. She feels you are her only hope. So she told me. I'm a teacher -- not a practitioner. +It was about last night I wanted to talk to you -- about the operation on the little Marsh girl. You're a man of the world, Fettes, you wouldn't hold me to promise given in drink. +You're a man of the world, Fettes, you wouldn't hold me to promise given in drink. But I -- well, you see, sir, I met Mrs. Marsh and told her. +But I -- well, you see, sir, I met Mrs. Marsh and told her. Really, Fettes, you irk me with your lack of understanding. +Really, Fettes, you irk me with your lack of understanding. But you did promise. +But you did promise. "Look here, Fettes. Not I nor anyone else knows enough about the spinal column and its intricacies to insure success in such an operation. I would have to study the matter. Have we any ""subjects""?" +"Look here, Fettes. Not I nor anyone else knows enough about the spinal column and its intricacies to insure success in such an operation. I would have to study the matter. Have we any ""subjects""?" Wilmont used up the last spinal section. +Wilmont used up the last spinal section. You see, it is completely out of the question. +You see, it is completely out of the question. Yes, I suppose so. +Yes, I suppose so. Now you run off and see that pretty Mrs. Marsh and explain to her. +Every street singer with a cracked voice gives tongue to that one. This girl was beautiful -- a wild lassie from the Highlands. +Well -- Gray killed her. +Gray killed her. We can't be sure of that. +We can't be sure of that. I am sure. I mean to report it. It's like Burke and Hare all over again. +I wouldn't do that, Fettes. I wouldn't report it. Grave robbing is one thing -- this is murder. +I don't know that -- neither do you. This subject may have been an epileptic -- thrown a fit -- fallen out of bed -- cracked her skull and killed herself -- there is everything explained -- the bruise on her head -- I can't believe that. +I can't believe that. Believe it or not. It's best for you to pretend that you do. After all, it was you who ordered this specimen, received it here, and paid for it. That makes you a party to murder. +But, I didn't ask him to kill. Who would believe that? And you know, someone else might recognize her. She was as well known as the Castle Rock. +Here is where you must watch closely, gentleman -- closely -- it is the very heart of the matter -- Wait, Doctor -- wait! The child's fainting. +She's unconscious. Pulse? +I just saw Gray. What was he laughing at? He has his own idea of a joke. Perhaps his horse tickled him in the ribs. +He has his own idea of a joke. Perhaps his horse tickled him in the ribs. I've just been to see Mrs. Marsh. Georgina is doing splendidly. The incision has healed -- clean and fine -- but she doesn't seem to have any desire to walk. +I've just been to see Mrs. Marsh. Georgina is doing splendidly. The incision has healed -- clean and fine -- but she doesn't seem to have any desire to walk. When she's ready you bring her to me -- I'll show her how. +When she's ready you bring her to me -- I'll show her how. Dr. MacFarlane, I wonder if you know what happiness you've brought those people. +Dr. MacFarlane, I wonder if you know what happiness you've brought those people. That's only our duty, Fettes -- that's the end at which we aim with all this nasty business. +I suppose one must pass through this purgatory to the heaven of being a good doctor. That's the way of it, Fettes. You bring the lassie to me. +You can't -- can't! Stop trying to bribe her with childishness about white horses. Let the child stand and walk -- her spine's all right. I know it's all right. But she must want to stand. She must want to walk. +But she must want to stand. She must want to walk. Confound me, the child's a cripple, of course she wants to walk. Child, I say to you get up out of that chair and walk. +Fettes, the more things are wrong, the more we must act as if everything were right. You must do with Joseph as you did with, the street singer -- complete dissection -- a proper entry in the book -- No. +No. What do you mean, Fettes? +What do you mean, Fettes? I'll have no more to do with it. I'll not put my neck into the noose, not even for your sake, Dr. MacFarlane. +I'll have no more to do with it. I'll not put my neck into the noose, not even for your sake, Dr. MacFarlane. Don't be a fool. One can't begin and then stop -- and because that entry of the girl's body is in your hand, you'll do as I say. As for me, I'll tend to Gray. +What's that you say? The little girl -- she couldn't walk far -- the muscles are too weak -- but she did stand and she took a step or two. +The little girl -- she couldn't walk far -- the muscles are too weak -- but she did stand and she took a step or two. I know it -- I know it -- The moment I was rid of him -- +I know it -- I know it -- The moment I was rid of him -- What? +What? Gray -- I'm rid of him -- +See that, Fettes? A burial party -- poor people -- it's hard to bury a loved one on a rainy day when the churchyard is so cold and lonely. +A burial party -- poor people -- it's hard to bury a loved one on a rainy day when the churchyard is so cold and lonely. Glencorse -- that's a lonely cemetery, Fettes, not a soul around for miles. +Glencorse -- that's a lonely cemetery, Fettes, not a soul around for miles. They'll be thinking of that, too. +They'll be thinking of that, too. Tosh! Fettes! It's not their grief I'm worrying about -- I'm talking of our own end -- +Tosh! Fettes! It's not their grief I'm worrying about -- I'm talking of our own end -- You've no thought of going there? +You've no thought of going there? Did you think Gray was the only one who could handle a mattock and shovel? I've had some practice in the art. +Did you think Gray was the only one who could handle a mattock and shovel? I've had some practice in the art. You couldn't do that, Doctor. +You couldn't do that, Doctor. I pass up no opportunities, I've a whole course of lectures in mind for you fellows. We'll need subjects to demonstrate. Come along. +I pass up no opportunities, I've a whole course of lectures in mind for you fellows. We'll need subjects to demonstrate. Come along. No. +No. Why not? I must have subjects. It's the only way I can teach. It's the only way you can learn. The stupidity of the people the idiocy of their laws will not stop no -- nor will they force me to deal with such reptilian creatures as Gray. We can do our own dirty work -- and we must. +Where shall we put it? In the back? No room there. We'll have to set it between us. +This is not a woman! It was a woman when we put her in. +It was a woman when we put her in. Hold that lamp up -- I must see her face. +Are you a doctor, too? Not yet. +Not yet. You'll be a good doctor. I know all about doctors. +What you really want to ask me is about my back, isn't it -- about where it hurts? Why, yes. +Why, yes. Well -- +Hear him? The white horse. The horse that is going to greet me when he sees me. +The white horse. The horse that is going to greet me when he sees me. An old acquaintance, eh? +"Why do you want the white horse to bid you ""good-day""?" He was a nice horse. +He was a nice horse. Maybe there's another reason. Maybe you haven't friends enough. Could that be it, Georgina? +Of course -- I don't have friends. That's because I can't walk. I try to make myself used to it. One shouldn't get used to the wrong things, Georgina. You want to walk and run and play. +Aye, but I still wonder how much. I want it -- +I want it -- But you'll have to stand great pain, Georgina. Greater pain than you ever dreamed of in the worst time of your sickness. Do you want it that much? +Don't you want to find the white horse, Georgina? You can't find him from a wheelchair. You have to walk and run to find him. I can't. +I thought this was a school day. I am not at the school anymore. I left last night. +You'll not need that again, Georgina. I wanted to see the white horse -- +He'll not leave the grave -- not since Wednesday last when we buried the lad. Your son, ma'am? He must have been a fine boy for the wee dog to love him so. +Not much danger here, ma'am, I wouldn't think -- right here in the heart of Edinburgh. They're uncommon bold, the grave robbers -- and the daft doctors who drive them on. +They're uncommon bold, the grave robbers -- and the daft doctors who drive them on. I'm by way of being a medical myself. +I'm by way of being a medical myself. A doctor? +A doctor? A student. I'm studying under Dr. MacFarlane -- that is, I've been studying until today -- +Come, Toddy -- come. Sit down here with me. Don't call me that confounded name. +Don't call me that confounded name. Well, then, Doctor MacFarlane -- although I've known a time, Toddy, when you liked the name. Aye, and many are dead now who called you by it; rough and wild ones they were, too. But come Toddy, sit down here with your young friend. +Mr. Fettes and I have professional matters to discuss. Medicine? That'll keep. Sit down. +I will not have you use that name to me. You will not have it? +You're a teacher, eh? Maybe you're afraid to be a doctor, Toddy. Afraid of what? +Afraid of what? Afraid you are not as good a doctor perhaps as you make out to be. +Afraid you are not as good a doctor perhaps as you make out to be. I am the best man for the job. +I am the best man for the job. Why don't you do it then? +You? Why? Since when have you become the protector of little children? I'm not concerned about the child, Toddy. It's you I'm thinking of, I'd like to see you prove that a lot of things I know haven't hurt Toddy MacFarlane any. +I'm not concerned about the child, Toddy. It's you I'm thinking of, I'd like to see you prove that a lot of things I know haven't hurt Toddy MacFarlane any. I'll not do it, Gray. +I'll not do it, Gray. Oh, yes, you will. You'll do it to oblige Fettes and myself. +Oh, yes, you will. You'll do it to oblige Fettes and myself. No. +No. Maybe there's some private reason between you and me which will make you -- some long lost friend of ours. Say that you'll do it for me and my friend, Mr. Fettes, here. +It might be an interesting case. That's a good boy, Toddy. +Toddy hates me. Don't call me that confounded name, I tell you. +Don't call me that confounded name, I tell you. Hear him? Did you ever see the lads play knife? +Now that wasn't a friendly thing I heard, Toddy. Not at all friendly. That has nothing to do with it. We've decided to do more lecturing and less dissection -- it's better for the students -- that's all there is to it. +That has nothing to do with it. We've decided to do more lecturing and less dissection -- it's better for the students -- that's all there is to it. You know what you want and don't want -- so that's an end of business between us -- but we'll still be friends, Toddy. I'll be dropping by to see you and Meg once in a while -- for auld lang syne, you know. +You know what you want and don't want -- so that's an end of business between us -- but we'll still be friends, Toddy. I'll be dropping by to see you and Meg once in a while -- for auld lang syne, you know. I suppose we can't prevent that, Gray -- -- for auld lang syne. +Oh, it's you, Gray. Well, come in. Sit down. Have a glass with me. You're uncommon friendly tonight, Toddy. More like the old days. +You know something about the human body, Gray. I've had some experience. +I've had some experience. Then you can understand that the backbone is a lot of little blocks and those little blocks are all held together, so that it works like that whip of yours. You know that, don't you? +Then you can understand that the backbone is a lot of little blocks and those little blocks are all held together, so that it works like that whip of yours. You know that, don't you? I've never had it all explained that way to me by so learned a man. +I've never had it all explained that way to me by so learned a man. I set those blocks together, patched the muscles. I put the nerves where they should be -- I did it and I did it right -- and she won't walk -- +I set those blocks together, patched the muscles. I put the nerves where they should be -- I did it and I did it right -- and she won't walk -- Oh, it's the bit of a girl Fettes was talking about. +Oh, it's the bit of a girl Fettes was talking about. The same. Look here, Gray -- +You can't build life like you put together blocks, Toddy. What are you talking about? I am an anatomist. I know the body. I know how it works. +What are you talking about? I am an anatomist. I know the body. I know how it works. And you're a fool, Toddy -- and no doctor. It's only the dead ones that you know. +And you're a fool, Toddy -- and no doctor. It's only the dead ones that you know. I am a doctor. I teach medicine. +I am a doctor. I teach medicine. Like Knox taught you? Like I taught you? In cellars and graveyards? Did Knox teach you what makes the blood flow? +Like Knox taught you? Like I taught you? In cellars and graveyards? Did Knox teach you what makes the blood flow? The heart pumps it. +The heart pumps it. Did he tell you how thoughts come and how they go and why things are remembered and forgot? +Did he tell you how thoughts come and how they go and why things are remembered and forgot? The nerve centers -- the brain -- +The nerve centers -- the brain -- But what makes a thought start? +But what makes a thought start? In the brain, I tell you. I know. +In the brain, I tell you. I know. You don't know and you'll never know or understand, Toddy. Not from me or from Knox would you learn those things. Look -- +I am a doctor - a good doctor. I could make her walk, but she won't - she won't -- Here, have another glass, MacFarlane. I'll take you home and we'll be friends again -- now that you know that you're Knox's man and my friend -- aye, forever. +Why should I be afraid of you? What are you holding over me? I'll tell you what, Toddy. It's because I ran down the streets with the mud and the stones around my ears and the mob yelling for my blood. It's because you were afraid to face it -- and you're still afraid. +I'll tell you what, Toddy. It's because I ran down the streets with the mud and the stones around my ears and the mob yelling for my blood. It's because you were afraid to face it -- and you're still afraid. No, I'm not afraid. Tell! Shout it from the housetops! And remember this -- they hanged Burke -- they mobbed Hare -- but Dr. Knox is living like a gentleman in London. +Aye, Toddy, there is something in what you say. There is much in what I say, Gray, and if you have any regard for your neck you'll leave now and stay away from my house, my school, and from me. +There is much in what I say, Gray, and if you have any regard for your neck you'll leave now and stay away from my house, my school, and from me. I have no wish for a rope cravat. I've never liked the smell of hemp, so I'll bid you good night, Doctor MacFarlane. +What are you going here? Have I not told you -- Would you grudge me a glass with my old crony, Meg? +I brought you something tonight, MacFarlane -- an interesting specimen -- in very good condition. I've ordered nothing from you. +I've ordered nothing from you. This is a gift. +This is a gift. I take no gifts from you. +I take no gifts from you. This is a gift you'll not return. +This is a gift you'll not return. Get out of here! +Get out of here! Wait, Toddy. That's not hospitable. I want to discuss business. +Wait, Toddy. That's not hospitable. I want to discuss business. You are not to set foot in here again, Gray, for business or any other reason. And you're going out now! +Gray, I must rid myself of you -- you've become a cancer -- a malignant, evil cancer -- rotting my mind. So, Toddy, you've made me a disease, eh? +So, Toddy, you've made me a disease, eh? I can't understand your hurt to me -- but I must cut you out. +Surely you are not threatening an old friend, Toddy. We have never been friends. +Have another glass of something good, Toddy. I've drunk enough tonight. +I've drunk enough tonight. Another little drop'll never do you any harm. +You're getting old, Gray, and it's a hard life driving a cab through these wet and windy streets of Edinburgh -- I have other means of sustenance. +I have other means of sustenance. The Resurrection business? That may end sooner than you think. New laws may come. +What I was going to say is this -- wouldn't you be more comfortable at Leith in a neat little house? Would you bribe me to leave you be? +Would you bribe me to leave you be? I would make you rich. +I would make you rich. It wouldn't be half so much fun for me. Toddy, as to have you come here and beg -- +It wouldn't be half so much fun for me. Toddy, as to have you come here and beg -- Beg -- beg of you! You crawling graveyard rat! +Well then -- I beg you -- I beseech you -- But then I wouldn't have the fun of having you come here and beg again, Toddy. +But why, Gray? Why? Because it would be a hurt to me to see you no more, Toddy. You're a pleasure to me. +Because it would be a hurt to me to see you no more, Toddy. You're a pleasure to me. A pleasure to torment me? +A pleasure to torment me? No -- a pride to know that I can force you to my will. I'm a small man -- a humble man -- and being poor, I've had to do much that I did not want to do. But so long as the great Dr. MacFarlane jumps at my whistle, that long am I a man -- and if I have not that, I have nothing. Then I am only a cabman and a grave-robber. +I presume you shall. This won't be my last visit here. I want to speak to you alone. I saw something. I heard. +I want to speak to you alone. I saw something. I heard. What did you hear? +What did you hear? I know -- +You're welcome to my little nest, Joseph -- is it not? That's right -- you have something to say to me -- something very private. Yes. +Yes. Now that is very interesting -- Take a chair, Joseph, +Can anyone hear what we say? Only Brother. +Only Brother. I know that you kill people to sell bodies. +You say you've come here on your own account? No one knows you are here? "Give me money or I'll tell the police you murder the ""subjects.""" +I have made you give me money, but you smile. Aren't you angry? No, Joseph. I'm not angry -- here -- another glass of brandy --I'll wager it's better than the doctor's. +You and I should work together. You mean we would sell the bodies to the doctors together? Dig them up? +You mean we would sell the bodies to the doctors together? Dig them up? "No digging Joseph. The churchyards are too well guarded. We will ""Burke"" them," +"No digging Joseph. The churchyards are too well guarded. We will ""Burke"" them," Burke them? +Burke them? You are lately come to Scotland, Joseph? +You are lately come to Scotland, Joseph? I come from Lisbon. +I come from Lisbon. But still you may have heard the peddlers of verse cry out their names on the streets. +"""The ruffian dogs, the Hellish pair. The villain Burke, the meager Hare --""" I never heard that song. But what did they do? +I never heard that song. But what did they do? Eighteen persons they killed and sold the bodies to Dr. Knox at ten pounds for a large and eight pounds for a small. That's good business, Joseph. +But where did they get those people? That was Hare's end. Ah, you should have seen him on the streets, when he saw some old beldam deep in drink how he cozened her! +"""A good-day to you Madame Tosspot, and would you like a little glass of something before you take your rest? Come with me to my house and I'll make you my guest. You shall have quarts to drink if you like."" Ah, how he cozened them." We could do that. But when he had them there, then what? +We could do that. But when he had them there, then what? """Nor did they handle axe or knife To take away their victim's life -- No sooner done than in a chest They crammed their lately welcome guest.""" +I don't understand the song. Tell me plain how they did it. "I'll show you how it was done, Joseph. -- I'll show you how they ""Burked"" them." +Was the paralysis immediate? No, Doctor. She seemed to get better, then about six months later she began to complain of pain in her back -- +No, Doctor. She seemed to get better, then about six months later she began to complain of pain in her back -- How long after that was the paralysis complete? +How long after that was the paralysis complete? Nearly a year. +Nearly a year. Any attacks of pain since? +Any attacks of pain since? Yes, Doctor. +Yes, Doctor. Is her pain sporadic or constant? +Is her pain sporadic or constant? It comes at intervals. They used to be months apart -- but they've been growing more frequent -- much more frequent. +It comes at intervals. They used to be months apart -- but they've been growing more frequent -- much more frequent. See here, child, when you have this pain in your back, where is it? +Child seems to take to the lad. What sort of an accident was it, Ma'am? A carriage overturned. My husband was killed and Georgina was hurt. +A carriage overturned. My husband was killed and Georgina was hurt. How long ago? +How long ago? Three years. +But can anything be done for her? Perhaps -- a delicate operation -- an operation which has never been performed -- but it could be performed. I'm sure it could be -- I could incise the columna dorsi -- +Believe me, Madame, if I were only a doctor, I would undertake this operation at once. But I'm more dominie than doctor -- I've a school to run. But, Doctor, surely in a case like this -- a child -- a little child who can never walk or run -- +But, Doctor, surely in a case like this -- a child -- a little child who can never walk or run -- I regret it, Ma'am, but I have the responsibility of training thirty other doctors to attend a thousand children like your own. +I regret it, Ma'am, but I have the responsibility of training thirty other doctors to attend a thousand children like your own. There's nothing I can say for one small child? +There's nothing I can say for one small child? I'm not heartless, Ma'am. I have every sympathy for you and for the little girl, but if I were to consent to every operation brought to me, I'd have no time for teaching -- and that's a great responsibility upon me, Ma'am -- a great responsibility. +I'm sorry, Doctor. Georgina's a good child -- a brave child -- you saw how she was during the operation -- but if she can't move, she can't move. But she must be able to move. Everything is in place. +But she must be able to move. Everything is in place. She would if she could. +She would if she could. Then all my surgery is no good. There's something wrong with the child -- something I don't know -- something I can't define -- can't diagnose. I can do nothing for her. +And why not? He's a good lad -- bright and able. Aye. He's a good lad. That's why I ask you, MacFarlane. +Aye. He's a good lad. That's why I ask you, MacFarlane. You think it'll spoil the boy, eh? Was I not assistant to Knox? +You think it'll spoil the boy, eh? Was I not assistant to Knox? Aye -- +Aye -- Did it spoil me, Meg, my lass? +You're daft. What's Gray to me. He's only a man from whom I buy what I need when I need it -- the rest is forgotten. You may deny the devil, Toddy, but you'll not rid yourself of him by saying the devil is dead. +You may deny the devil, Toddy, but you'll not rid yourself of him by saying the devil is dead. Nonsense. You're a fey creature with mad ideas. But you have a wildness that holds me to you, lass. +Nonsense. You're a fey creature with mad ideas. But you have a wildness that holds me to you, lass. No great lady will ever take my place? +Crony indeed! You can get out. +Fettes -- where is Fettes? I'll get him. +You're not going to Gray. He must leave me alone. +You've been with Gray again. Aye. +I hate that picture. Where are they? +Where are they? Can I get you something? A glass of water? A transfusion? +Can I get you something? A glass of water? A transfusion? Where are they? Last chance. +Where are they? Last chance. Or what? You'll bleed all over my carpet? +around, or whatever the hell you're doing here. What are you doing here? I'm looking for my friends. +I'm looking for my friends. See, I heard you were looking for some guy with a scar. How's that going? You find him? Yes? No? +How many innocent people did you leave dead back there? You sent them. I had no choice. +You sent them. I had no choice. Bullshit. You're a killer, that's all you are. A clown with a bird and a rising death toll. You think the world did you wrong?! You did the world wrong. +It was one thing her dad rejected you. But when she did you lost it. You're wrong. +You're wrong. Yeah? I see doubt oozing out your arm. Where do people go when they kill their girlfriends? +Was that it? Well, ok. I'm not dying for your goddamn illusions. You got that? You think you and your girlfriend had some rosy future ahead of you? Bullshit. She was already bored, why do you think she was looking around? You're nothing, Corvis! Less than nothing. +What's been holding me together is the hope that maybe you do go someplace. And I'll be seeing her again soon. Only what will I say? That I was too stupid to find the guy who killed her? That he's down here laughing? Tell her... we'll get him. +Tell her... we'll get him. We won't. +We won't. Someday he'll surface and I'll get him for both of you. I promise. I'll find the guy with the scar. +Check and mate. Dream on. +Two down. Two to go. """Down?"" Wait, don't tell me." +"""Down?"" Wait, don't tell me." The cops from my trial. They killed Lauren. The whole thing was fixed. +You think I'm crazy. I'm thinking... that explains a lot. +Lauren's father's involved. He bought the cops fancy cars, I don't know what else. It's a company called D-E-L-T. I think Lauren found out. What do they do that they had to kill her? +What do they do that they had to kill her? I was hoping you'd find out. +I was hoping you'd find out. Yeah. I sure will. +Leonard, Dutton, Erlich. They don't matter. I want the King. "We're getting there. Because in his so-called construction job, Tommy makes a daily delivery to a place called ""The Hole.""" +"We're getting there. Because in his so-called construction job, Tommy makes a daily delivery to a place called ""The Hole.""" The strip joint? +The strip joint? I believe they call it a connoisseur's club. Owned by DELT. +Where is it? This place? I think we should get some support? +I think we should get some support? What? Call the police? +That was a fucking hollow point! I guess it's true. Guns don't kill people... +Think maybe knives do? Keep that thing away from me. +Keep that thing away from me. "This is not just some ""thing."" It's A C zero zero five." +Fuck! What do you want? A scar. On the arm. Of the man who planted this in Alex Corvis's car. +A scar. On the arm. Of the man who planted this in Alex Corvis's car. There's no scar, you freak. The Corvis kid made it up. +You killed her. I saw it. Bitch killed herself when she shot a cop in the leg. If she' just acted like a girl nothing would have happened. So you're right, spooky. Happy? +Sssshhh. She's resting. Where the fuck did you come from? +Where the fuck did you come from? Big bang, primordial ooze, divine hand of a benevolent creator? All possibilities. Although recent events have given me doubts about the benevolent creator. +You lied at my trial. I don't know you, man. +I don't know you, man. Capital case nine nine dash C one one five. Alex Corvis. Exhibit A. +Hey. I said what I saw. Two kids arguing. A guy and a girl. You said you saw me with this. I never held it until today. +You said you saw me with this. I never held it until today. What's your damage, man? Corvis hacked up that girl like a motherfucker. +One chance to tell the truth, Tommy. Who is the man with the scar? He planted this in my car. There's no scar. Corvis made it up. +Wrong. Answer. Who are you? +What did they give you? "They showed me pictures, what he did to her. Evidence. Said all I had to do was stand up there and not my head ""yes.""" +"They showed me pictures, what he did to her. Evidence. Said all I had to do was stand up there and not my head ""yes.""" What did they give you? +What did they give you? A job. Construction. Twelve an hour. +"We're going to play a little game called ""Who's got the Scar.""" What Scar? What fucking scar? +What Scar? What fucking scar? AAAANK. That's not how we play the game. +You're him! You're Corvis! We fried your ass. You're dead, man! Good thing in a situation like this. +Fucking Zombie. The scar. +The scar. There is no scar. I'm telling you. +I heard you were looking for this. You're the guy killed Dutton. +You're the guy killed Dutton. I want you to think of me as the guy who killed you. +Fuck. Me. What happened to your leg there Officer? Hunting accident? +Not my arm! What you fucking want? I want Lauren. I want my life back. I want... to know why. +I want Lauren. I want my life back. I want... to know why. Why? Why's anything happen? It's all money, man. Money. The girl just got in the way. +The scar. Which of you has it? Nobody. +Are you out of your fucking mind? We're going to die. How can you die if you're already dead? +How can you die if you're already dead? You're him. Corvis. +You're him. Corvis. I was talking about you. +I was a friend of your sister's. I know her friends. +I know her friends. That locket you're holding. You have one just like it. +Yeah, no kidding. Your father gave them to both of you. +Your father gave them to both of you. And he's right over there by the way. What did you do to your face? +And he's right over there by the way. What did you do to your face? Someone else did it. +Someone else did it. You're a friend of the guy who killed her, aren't you? You almost sound like him. +You're a friend of the guy who killed her, aren't you? You almost sound like him. He didn't kill her. +He didn't kill her. How do you know? +How do you know? I know everything about your sister. I'll prove it to you. +I know everything about your sister. I'll prove it to you. Stay away from me! Dad! Dad! +Daisy. How did you know? I told you, I knew your sister. +I told you, I knew your sister. You killed that cop Dutton. +You killed that cop Dutton. And another one. There. Erlich. Took a wrong turn. +I know who you are. That's why you paint your face. To hide. I'm not hiding. I'm right here. +I'm not hiding. I'm right here. You killed Lauren! You killed her! +I've been shot, and stabbed and thrown from a car and none of it hurt. But what you're doing now, does. I don't know why. My dad was right! He said you'd ruin her life. +My dad was right! He said you'd ruin her life. No. Listen to me. Lauren found out something they didn't want her to know. This. +From the bonfire over there. Look at it. No! Why are you haunting me? +No! Why are you haunting me? Because you need to understand. And you need... to be careful. +This is where it happened. Right over here. Yeah, I know. +Are you ok? When Lauren was missing the police came to our house. They said they were looking for her, right? But I know now they had her, and the reason they brought her here and knew the could blame it on you... +When Lauren was missing the police came to our house. They said they were looking for her, right? But I know now they had her, and the reason they brought her here and knew the could blame it on you... No... +No... ... is that I sent them here. I told them she came here sometimes. With her dirtball boyfriend. That's exactly what I said. +Erin. It's not your fault. It's all my fault. Oh God. I wish I were dead. +It's all my fault. Oh God. I wish I were dead. No. You don't. +No. You don't. Yes I do, I really do. +This tree. Here's where it happened. I don't want to see! +... took everything I ever cared about. Left me with nothing. So you're going to kill him? +So you're going to kill him? Have to find him first. +You know what Lauren and I were fighting about that night? She had a secret, wouldn't tell me... My father. +My father. All I knew, she was pulling away. It made me crazy. +All I knew, she was pulling away. It made me crazy. I used to be so proud of him. My big deal daddy. And now, he's just a crook. Worse even. And the weird thing is... +I wish I could hate him but I can't. He said he'd never hurt either of us, and I know it's true and... I'm going back. It's what Lauren would do. +It's ok, it's ok... It's not. I can't take it. +It's not. I can't take it. Erin. Who? +Erin. Who? I don't know. I found him lying there. +... it connects you to me... No matter what happens... you're innocent... I promise... +In the woods you said you had nothing. But you wouldn't, and I wouldn't if there's some way you don't have to go. Please. At least not right away. Erin. I'll always be with you. +I thought we had an understanding. I thought we understood that discretion is paramount. Yeah, we do. +Yeah, we do. Shut up. +Erlich gimping around in his goddamn hot rod is not discreet. I've got reporters asking me how much he made. I've got the entire force looking at this case now. I know. +I know. You know. +You know. I know the guy leaves a sign. +Tommy Leonard. The eyewitness in the Corvis case. Some hooker phoned it in. There was a riot at his apartment yesterday. +Some hooker phoned it in. There was a riot at his apartment yesterday. Guy dressed for Halloween? +Guy dressed for Halloween? Good for you. You do know something. +They botched the execution. Could say that. +Could say that. Christ. It was Corvis. Tommy Leonard was right. +Fucking crow. Sign of the dead come back to life. +How about sign of a big black bird? The dead can return, given sufficient motivation. And Corvis has that. +Cause if you're losing your mind, I got a right to know. He's looking for something. Won't stop until he finds it. Sometimes the best way to get rid of someone is to let them have what they want. +Just don't believe everything you see. Doubt is a motherfucker. +Doubt is a motherfucker. Give me a hand with this sack of shit. +Maybe we had a case of that here. Get me my kit. You two are majorly demented. Anyone ever tell you that? +Do you believe in ghosts, Nathan? Because there's a ghost threatening us. You mean Alex. +You mean Alex. I mean Lauren. +Because you never accepted that what happened to her was an accident. You killed my daughter. +An accident, Nathan. She was eighteen years old! There were four of them. They stabbed her fifty three times! Where's the fucking accident?! Huh?! Where is it?! +I watched her grow up. Just like you. I know how her mind worked. She kept snooping around because she was worried about you. What you'd gotten yourself into. So stop blaming me. And blame yourself. I do. Every day. +I do. Every day. Erin knows, doesn't she? +Anything wrong? Let's hope not. License and registration please. +What's with your friend there? She's... sick. Actually she never had Mai Tais before. +She's... sick. Actually she never had Mai Tais before. But you, you've had them. +But you, you've had them. Not tonight. Honest. +If you had a license, I bet I'd have seen it by now. How old are you? Fifteen? Look, I'll tell you the truth. Jannie drove us and was supposed to drive us back, she has a license, but I mean... look at her. +You want me to walk a straight line? I want you... to bend over. +I want you... to bend over. Look, can I just call a cab? +Look, can I just call a cab? What did I say? +Why are there so many? Just hold on to me. +I want to take this to Lauren. She'd want it. Honey. I just can't. +Honey. I just can't. Stay in the car. I'll only take a second. +Stay in the car. I'll only take a second. Erin. I know you think she's been talking to you. +Erin. I know you think she's been talking to you. It's not that. Really. It's just... now that he's gone, I think it's time. +Erin! Watch out! +What were you yelling about? This guy said he was a friend of Lauren's. He had like paint all over his face. +This guy said he was a friend of Lauren's. He had like paint all over his face. Are you ok? +Are you ok? What's that supposed to mean? He was right here. He was! +What is it? The cop who found the knife in Corvis's car. +What? What is it? Lauren called me that when we were little. Daisy. No one knew but us. +Lauren called me that when we were little. Daisy. No one knew but us. Honey. It's doesn't mean anything. It's not a message. +Honey. It's doesn't mean anything. It's not a message. That guy in the cemetery today said he knew everything about Lauren. +That guy in the cemetery today said he knew everything about Lauren. It still doesn't mean... +It still doesn't mean... He said he'd prove it. +I think I dropped an earring. Looks like you have them both on. +You're in with them. It's not what you think. +It's not what you think. You killed her! +You killed her! No. +No. Stay away from me! Stay away! +Stay away from me! Stay away! Erin. It wasn't supposed to happen. +They killed her because she found out. About you. +About you. About them. You've got to leave it alone. +Sweetheart... Don't call me that! Don't call me anything! +I would never hurt you or Lauren. Never. Believe me. I don't believe you. +I don't believe you. Please. Come inside. +Please. Come inside. I'm never going back in that house again. Get away. +You should see it, Professor Barnhardt! You should go out and see it for yourself! Thanks -- I'm enjoying it right here. +Thanks -- I'm enjoying it right here. The whole city has stopped. People are running around like ants! +The whole city has stopped. People are running around like ants! What a brilliant idea. I never would have thought of it. +What about the people who are coming to the meeting tonight? Have they all arrived? I talked to most of them this morning... They were all very curious about the meeting. +I talked to most of them this morning... They were all very curious about the meeting. Good. Did you speak to our friend Mr. Carpenter? +Good. Did you speak to our friend Mr. Carpenter? He'll be there at 8:30. +He'll be there at 8:30. Tell me, Hilda -- does all this frighten you -- does it make you feel insecure? +Tell me, Hilda -- does all this frighten you -- does it make you feel insecure? Yes, sir -- it certainly does! +Yes, sir -- it certainly does! That's good, Hilda. I'm glad. +You wrote this? It was a clumsy way to introduce myself -- but I understand you're a difficult man to see. I thought you'd have the solution by this time. +It was a clumsy way to introduce myself -- but I understand you're a difficult man to see. I thought you'd have the solution by this time. Not yet. That's why I wanted to see you. +Yes -- that will reproduce the first- order terms. But what about the effect of the other terms? Almost negligible... With variation of parameters, this is the answer. +Almost negligible... With variation of parameters, this is the answer. How can you be so sure? Have you tested this theory? +How can you be so sure? Have you tested this theory? I find it works well enough to get me from one planet to another. I understand you've called a meeting to study our space ship. +I find it works well enough to get me from one planet to another. I understand you've called a meeting to study our space ship. As though unsure of what he's heard) Yes -- yes, I have. +As though unsure of what he's heard) Yes -- yes, I have. My name is Klaatu. I spent two days at your Walter Reed Hospital. Room 309. My doctor's name was Major White -- and I had a very attractive nurse called Ruth, who's getting married next Wednesday. If you are not interested -- or if you intend to turn me over to your Army -- we needn't waste any more time. +You have faith, Professor Barnhardt It isn't faith that makes good science, Mr. Klaatu. Its curiosity. Sit down, please. I have several thousand questions to ask you. +It isn't faith that makes good science, Mr. Klaatu. Its curiosity. Sit down, please. I have several thousand questions to ask you. I would like to explain something of my mission here. +I would like to explain something of my mission here. That was my first question. +That was my first question. It was my intention to discuss this officially -- with all the nations of the Earth -- but I was not allowed the Opportunity. I have come to realize since that your mutual fears and suspicions are merely the normal reactions of a primitive society. We know from scientific observation that you have discovered a rudimentary kind of atomic energy. We also know that you are experimenting with rockets. +It was my intention to discuss this officially -- with all the nations of the Earth -- but I was not allowed the Opportunity. I have come to realize since that your mutual fears and suspicions are merely the normal reactions of a primitive society. We know from scientific observation that you have discovered a rudimentary kind of atomic energy. We also know that you are experimenting with rockets. Yes -- that is true. +Yes -- that is true. In the hands of a mature civilization, these would not be considered weapons of aggression. But in the hands of your people-- We've observed your aggressive tendencies, and we don't trust you with such power. +In the hands of a mature civilization, these would not be considered weapons of aggression. But in the hands of your people-- We've observed your aggressive tendencies, and we don't trust you with such power. If you mean that you are afraid of us-- +If you mean that you are afraid of us-- We want to be sure you don't make -- let us say -- an unfortunate mistake. We know the potentiality of these developments and we are disturbed to find them in the hands of children... You see, we've had atomic energy for five thousand of your years. We discarded instruments like this many centuries ago. So long as you were limited to fighting among yourselves -- with your primitive tanks and planes -- we were unconcerned. But soon you will apply atomic energy to space ships -- and then you become a threat to the peace and security of other planets. That, of course, we cannot tolerate. +We want to be sure you don't make -- let us say -- an unfortunate mistake. We know the potentiality of these developments and we are disturbed to find them in the hands of children... You see, we've had atomic energy for five thousand of your years. We discarded instruments like this many centuries ago. So long as you were limited to fighting among yourselves -- with your primitive tanks and planes -- we were unconcerned. But soon you will apply atomic energy to space ships -- and then you become a threat to the peace and security of other planets. That, of course, we cannot tolerate. These other planets -- do they have peace and security? +These other planets -- do they have peace and security? We had our atomic wars -- thousands of years ago. After that we fought with bows and arrows. Then, slowly, we learned that fighting is no solution -- that aggression leads to chaos. +We had our atomic wars -- thousands of years ago. After that we fought with bows and arrows. Then, slowly, we learned that fighting is no solution -- that aggression leads to chaos. We scientists understand this. Even we primitive scientists. What exactly is the nature of your mission, Mr. Klaatu? +We scientists understand this. Even we primitive scientists. What exactly is the nature of your mission, Mr. Klaatu? I came here to warn you that, by threatening danger, your planet faces danger -- very grave danger. I am prepared, however, to offer a solution. +I came here to warn you that, by threatening danger, your planet faces danger -- very grave danger. I am prepared, however, to offer a solution. Would you care to be more specific? +Would you care to be more specific? What I have to say must be said to all concerned. It is too important to be entrusted to any individual. +I gather that your efforts on the official level were not entirely successful. I come to you as a last resort -- and I confess that my patience is wearing thin. Must I take drastic action in order to get a hearing? +I come to you as a last resort -- and I confess that my patience is wearing thin. Must I take drastic action in order to get a hearing? What -- what sort of action do you mean? +What -- what sort of action do you mean? Violent action -- since that seems to be the only thing you people understand. Leveling the island of Manhattan, perhaps -- or dropping the Rock of Gibraltar into the sea. +Would you be willing to meet with the group of scientists I am calling together?. Perhaps you could explain your mission to them, and they in turn could present it to their various peoples. That's what I came to see you about. +It is not enough to have men of science. We scientists are too easily ignored -- or misunderstood. We must get important men from every field. Educators -- philosophers -- church leaders -- men of vision and imagination -- the finest minds in the world. I leave that in your hands. +I leave that in your hands. You'd have no objection to revealing yourself at this meeting? +You'd have no objection to revealing yourself at this meeting? No -- not at all. +No -- not at all. What about your personal safety in the meantime? What about the Army -- and the police? +What about your personal safety in the meantime? What about the Army -- and the police? My name is Carpenter and I'm a very earthy character living in a respectable boarding house. +My name is Carpenter and I'm a very earthy character living in a respectable boarding house. I'm afraid I can't offer you any real protection. I have no influence in cases of inter-planetary conspiracy. +I'm afraid I can't offer you any real protection. I have no influence in cases of inter-planetary conspiracy. I'm sure I'll be quite safe until the meeting. +I'm sure I'll be quite safe until the meeting. One thing, Mr. Klaatu. Suppose this group should reject your proposals. What is the alternative? +One thing, Mr. Klaatu. Suppose this group should reject your proposals. What is the alternative? I'm afraid you have no alternative. In such, a case the planet Earth would have to be-- --eliminated. +Such power exists? I assure you such power exists. +The people who came to the meeting must be made to realize this. They must understand what is at stake. You mentioned a demonstration of force-- Yes. +Yes. Would such, a demonstration be possible before the meeting? +Would such, a demonstration be possible before the meeting? Yes -- of course. +Yes -- of course. Something that would dramatize for them and for their people the seriousness of the situation. Something that would affect the entire planet. +Something that would dramatize for them and for their people the seriousness of the situation. Something that would affect the entire planet. That can easily be arranged. +That can easily be arranged. I wouldn't want you to harm anybody -- or destroy anything. +I wouldn't want you to harm anybody -- or destroy anything. Why don't you leave it to me? I'll think of something. +Why don't you leave it to me? I'll think of something. Maybe a little demonstration. +Maybe a little demonstration. Something dramatic -- but not destructive. It's quite an interesting problem. Would day after tomorrow be all right? Say about noon? +Bet he is, Mom. Bet he's out looking for that space man. "I think we've all been hearing too much about ""space men.""" +Can I help you look for the space man? Can I? I know what he looks like! He's got a square head -- and, three great big eyes! That's enough, Bobby. I think it's time you went to bed. +Hi Mom! Hello, darling. Good evening, Mr. Carpenter. +Did you have a nice day, dear? Boy, we had a swell time. Didn't we, Mr. Carpenter? +Come on, Bobby. Time to go to bed. Mom -- why does Mr. Carpenter have to go down to the police station? +Mom -- why does Mr. Carpenter have to go down to the police station? I -- I don't know, dear... Perhaps there's some mistake. +We sure had fun today. We saw the space ship and we went to see Professor Barnhardt -- and-- Professor Barnhardt. +Professor Barnhardt. Yeah, sure. Mom, do I have to go to school tomorrow? +Yeah, sure. Mom, do I have to go to school tomorrow? Of course, dear. +Of course, dear. Aw, gee, Mom -- I had plans to play with Mr. Carpenter. +Go to bed, darling. You can finish that in the morning. Okay. +Bobby -- I think it would be better if we didn't see quite so much of Mr. Carpenter Gee, why, Mom? He's my best friend... And he's awful good in arithmetic. He even helps Professor Barnhardt. +Gee, why, Mom? He's my best friend... And he's awful good in arithmetic. He even helps Professor Barnhardt. Did you and Mr. Carpenter really go to see Professor Barnhardt? +Did you and Mr. Carpenter really go to see Professor Barnhardt? Sure we did! He wasn't there but we went to see him. And Mr. Carpenter showed him how to do his arithmetic. +Mom -- is there something wrong with Mr. Carpenter? What do you mean, dear? +What do you mean, dear? I mean -- on account of that policeman last night. You think he's a bank robber, maybe? Or a gangster? +I mean -- on account of that policeman last night. You think he's a bank robber, maybe? Or a gangster? No, dear, of course not. He's a very nice man. I Just think he might prefer to be left alone. Now you get to bed and forget about it. 'Night, darling. +Bobby--! What are you doing up at this hour? I couldn't go to sleep, Mom. I had to tell you! +I couldn't go to sleep, Mom. I had to tell you! Tell me what? +Tell me what? I followed Mr. Carpenter -- right after you left -- and, gee, Mom, where do you think he went? Right into the space ship! +I followed Mr. Carpenter -- right after you left -- and, gee, Mom, where do you think he went? Right into the space ship! Now, Bobby, just a minute-- +Now, Bobby, just a minute-- Honest, Mom, I saw him. It just opened up and he walked right in. And that great big iron man was moving around! +Honest, Mom, I saw him. It just opened up and he walked right in. And that great big iron man was moving around! Bobby, you've been dreaming again. +Bobby, you've been dreaming again. No, I haven't, Mom. I promise you... I saw it! +Now think back hard. You didn't follow Mr. Carpenter at all, did you? You haven't even been out of the house. Yes, I have! +Yes, I have! You didn't really see the space ship. You just thought you did. +He gave these to you? Well, not exactly. I gave him two dollars. +Gee, Mom, do you think maybe he's a diamond smuggler? Come on, darling -- we're going up to bed. +Oh, boy -- can I, Mom? Yes, dear. Come on now. Bobby, your shoes are soaking! +Yes, dear. Come on now. Bobby, your shoes are soaking! Yeah -- the grass was kind of wet. +Are you an FBI man? No -- I'm afraid not. +Bobby -- who's the greatest man in America today? Gee -- I don't know... The space man, I guess. +Gee -- I don't know... The space man, I guess. I was speaking of earth men. I meant the greatest philosopher -- the greatest thinker. +Well -- Professor Barnhardt, I guess. He's the greatest scientist in the world. He lives here in Washington, doesn't he? +He lives here in Washington, doesn't he? Sure. Right near where my mother works. +Sure. Right near where my mother works. Where is that? +Where is that? Department of Commerce. She's a secretary. They have a man they call the Secretary, but he isn't at all. My mother's a real secretary. Mr. Carpenter -- now can we go see the space ship? +Boy, I'll bet he's strong. I bet he could knock down a whole building. I shouldn't be at all surprised. +Gee, I'd like to get inside and see how it works. What do you think makes it go? Well -- atomic power, I would imagine. +Well -- atomic power, I would imagine. I thought that was only for bombs. +I thought that was only for bombs. No. It's for a lot of other things, too. +No. It's for a lot of other things, too. You think it can go faster than an F- 36? +You think it can go faster than an F- 36? Yes -- I think so. +Maybe four thousand miles an hour. And outside the Earth's atmosphere a good deal faster. Gee! How could they make a landing? +Gee! How could they make a landing? Well -- there are several ways to reduce landing speed. You see, the velocity-- +You think they'll ever find him? I don't know, Bobby. I'm inclined to doubt it. +I don't know, Bobby. I'm inclined to doubt it. Mr. Carpenter -- what does velocity mean? +Mr. Carpenter -- what does velocity mean? Velocity is the time rate of change of position. +Bobby -- I have an idea. Let's go see Professor Barnhardt and find out how he talks. You're just kidding, aren't you? +You're just kidding, aren't you? Wouldn't you like to meet him? +Wouldn't you like to meet him? Well, sure I would, but -- Aw, I'll bet you'd be scared. +Well, sure I would, but -- Aw, I'll bet you'd be scared. We can scare him more than he can scare us. +What does that mean? It's a problem in celestial mechanics. +It's a problem in celestial mechanics. Bet he's the only one in the world knows the answer. +Bet he's the only one in the world knows the answer. He doesn't know the answer. And he'll never get it that way. +Did all these people die in wars? Sure. Didn't you ever hear of Arlington Cemetery? +Sure. Didn't you ever hear of Arlington Cemetery? No -- I'm afraid not. +No -- I'm afraid not. "Mr. Carpenter"" -- you don't seem to know about anything." +"Mr. Carpenter"" -- you don't seem to know about anything." I'll tell you, Bobby -- I've been away for a long time. Very far away. +I'll tell you, Bobby -- I've been away for a long time. Very far away. Is it different where you've been? Don't they have places like this? +Is it different where you've been? Don't they have places like this? They have cemeteries. But not like this one... You see, they don't have any wars. +Go to the movies. All right. +All right. No foolin'? Will you? +No foolin'? Will you? Certainly. Tell me, Bobby -- do you have to have money to go there? +I've got some money. My mother gave me two dollars. No -- I want to take you to the movies. Do you think they'd accept these? +Gee -- those look like diamonds! Some places that's what people use for money. They're easy to carry -- and they don't wear out. +Some places that's what people use for money. They're easy to carry -- and they don't wear out. Bet they're worth about a million dollars. +Bet they're worth about a million dollars. Would you give me your two dollars for a couple of them? +Would you give me your two dollars for a couple of them? Well, sure, but-- +Let's not say anything to my mother about this, Mr. Carpenter. Why not, Bobby? +Why not, Bobby? She doesn't like me to steal from people. +Mrs. Benson -- this is Mr. Brady. Mr. Brady's a cop. +We certainly did. We went to the movies -- and we had ice cream cones -- and we went to see Daddy-- +Aw, gee -- we didn't finish our story. We'll finish it tomorrow... Goodnight, Bobby. +We'll finish it tomorrow... Goodnight, Bobby. Goodnight. +All you have to remember is, first find the common denominator -- then subtract. Thanks, Mr. Carpenter. +Thanks, Mr. Carpenter. I'll say goodnight again. +Bobby -- have you a flashlight? Yeah -- sure. It's a real Boy Scout flashlight. +What do you want it for, Mr. Carpenter? Why -- the light in my room went out. Thank you, Bobby. Goodnight. +The skeletal structure is completely normal. Same for the major organs -– heart, liver, spleen, kidneys. And the lungs are the same as ours. Must mean a similar atmosphere -- similar pressure. How old do you think he is? +And the lungs are the same as ours. Must mean a similar atmosphere -- similar pressure. How old do you think he is? Oh, I'd say forty-five. +Oh, I'd say forty-five. He told me this morning when I examined him. He's seventy-eight. +He told me this morning when I examined him. He's seventy-eight. I don't believe it. +I don't believe it. Their life expectancy is a hundred and thirty. +Their life expectancy is a hundred and thirty. How does he explain that? +How does he explain that? He says their medicine is that much more advanced. He was very nice about it. But he made me feel like a third-class witch doctor. +My name is Harley -- Secretary to the President I've been told that you speak our language -- that your name is Mr. Klaatu. Just Klaatu. +Just Klaatu. The President asked me to convey his deepest apologies for what has happened. We all feel-- +The President asked me to convey his deepest apologies for what has happened. We all feel-- Sit down, Mr. Harley. +I'm sure I don't have to point out that your arrival was something of a surprise. Had you been traveling long? About five months -- your months. +About five months -- your months. You must have come a long way. +You must have come a long way. About 250 million of your miles. +Naturally we're very curious to know where it is you come from. From another planet. Let's just say that we're neighbors. +It's rather difficult for us to think of another planet as a neighbor. I'm afraid, in the present situation you'll have to learn to think that way. +I'm afraid, in the present situation you'll have to learn to think that way. The present situation? +The present situation? I mean the reasons for my coming here. +I mean the reasons for my coming here. We're very curious about that, too. Would you care to talk about it? +We're very curious about that, too. Would you care to talk about it? I'd be glad to. Not now, of course -- with you alone. +I'd be glad to. Not now, of course -- with you alone. Perhaps you'd rather discuss it personally with the President-- +Perhaps you'd rather discuss it personally with the President-- This is not a personal matter, Mr. Harley. It concerns all the people on your planet. +This is not a personal matter, Mr. Harley. It concerns all the people on your planet. I -- I'm not sure I understand-- +I -- I'm not sure I understand-- I want to meet with representatives from all the nations of the Earth. +I want to meet with representatives from all the nations of the Earth. I'm afraid that would be a little awkward. It's -- it's completely without precedent. And there are practical considerations -- the time involved -- the enormous distances. +I'm afraid that would be a little awkward. It's -- it's completely without precedent. And there are practical considerations -- the time involved -- the enormous distances. I traveled 250 million miles. What about your United Nations? +I traveled 250 million miles. What about your United Nations? You know about the United Nations? +You know about the United Nations? We've been monitoring your radio broadcasts for a good many years. That's how we learned your languages. Lately, we've been getting your television also. +We've been monitoring your radio broadcasts for a good many years. That's how we learned your languages. Lately, we've been getting your television also. You must have a rather strange impression of us. +You must have a rather strange impression of us. The first two years of television we were convinced that all you did was wrestle. +I'm sure you recognize from our broad- casts the evil forces that have produced the tension in our world. Surely you would agree-- I am not concerned, Mr. Harley, with the internal affairs of your planet. I consider that to be your business -- not mine. +I am not concerned, Mr. Harley, with the internal affairs of your planet. I consider that to be your business -- not mine. I was only hoping to make you understand. +I was only hoping to make you understand. My mission here is not to solve your petty squabbles. It concerns the existence of every last creature who lives on Earth. +My mission here is not to solve your petty squabbles. It concerns the existence of every last creature who lives on Earth. Perhaps if you could explain a little-- +Perhaps if you could explain a little-- I intend to explain. To all the nations -- simultaneously. How do we proceed, Mr. Harley? +We could call a special meeting of the General Assembly... But of course the UN doesn't represent all of the nations. Then why not a meeting of all the Chiefs of State? +Then why not a meeting of all the Chiefs of State? Believe me, you don't understand. They wouldn't sit down at the same table. +I will make that recommendation to the President. I must tell you in all honesty that I'm extremely dubious about the results. Apparently I'm not as cynical about Earth's people as you are. +Apparently I'm not as cynical about Earth's people as you are. I've been dealing in Earth's politics a good deal longer than you have. Goodnight, sir. +Good afternoon. I'm glad to see you up and around. Thank you... Have you any news? +Thank you... Have you any news? "Not very good news, I'm afraid. The President accepted your suggestion and cabled the invitations for a meeting last night. Let me read you some of the replies. ""The Premier wishes to inform the Government of the United States that it will be impossible for him to attend the meeting suggested by the President unless the meeting is held in Moscow."" ""The suggestion of the President regarding the possibility of a meeting in Moscow would be unacceptable to Her Majesty's Government at the present time. Representation could be sent only if the meeting were held in Washington."" Well -- there you have it." +I tried to make you understand. The suspicions -- the jealousies -- the mistrust-- Surely you realize that my government has done everything in its power-- It's not your government I'm thinking about. It's your world. +It's not your government I'm thinking about. It's your world. Now that you understand the situation more clearly, perhaps you'd like to discuss the matter with the President +Now that you understand the situation more clearly, perhaps you'd like to discuss the matter with the President I will not speak to any one nation or group of nations. I don't intend to add my contribution to your childish jealousies and suspicions. +I will not speak to any one nation or group of nations. I don't intend to add my contribution to your childish jealousies and suspicions. Our problems are very complex, Mr. Klaatu. You mustn't judge us too harshly. +Our problems are very complex, Mr. Klaatu. You mustn't judge us too harshly. I can judge only by what I see. +I can judge only by what I see. Your impatience is quite understandable. +Your impatience is quite understandable. I am impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it. +I am impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it. I'm afraid my people haven't. I'm very sorry -- I wish it were otherwise. +Before making any decisions, I think I should get out among your people -- become familiar with the basis for these strange, unreasoning attitudes. Under the circumstances I'm afraid that will be impossible. +We're all set. I picked up some sandwiches and put gas in the car. And the radio's still busted, so me can forget about the space man for today. There's only one thing -- I haven't been able to arrange for anyone to stay with Bobby. I don't suppose we could take him with us? +There's only one thing -- I haven't been able to arrange for anyone to stay with Bobby. I don't suppose we could take him with us? Well, we could-- +Well, we could-- There's always somebody here, but today of course they've all got plans. +It was a wonderful day. You still haven't answered my question. +You still haven't answered my question. You know how I feel, Tom. I just want to think it over. +You know how I feel, Tom. I just want to think it over. The boss is leaving for Chicago tomorrow. If I could tell him I was getting married -- with two dependents-- +The boss is leaving for Chicago tomorrow. If I could tell him I was getting married -- with two dependents-- You're a good salesman -- but I've got to think about it. +You're a good salesman -- but I've got to think about it. A good insurance salesman wouldn't give you time to think. +Hello-- You ready? +You ready? I will be in just a minute. +I will be in just a minute. The picture starts at eight-fifty. +The picture starts at eight-fifty. I was talking to Mr. Carpenter. +I was talking to Mr. Carpenter. I hope Mr. Carpenter won't think I'm intruding. +Oh, Tom, that was awful. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just tired of hearing about Mr. Carpenter. I don't like the way he's attached himself to you and Bobby. After all, what do you know about him? +He's not there. But look what I found in his room Is it real? +Is it real? Looks real to me. +I wonder if we ought to-- Bobby and I have had enough excitement for tonight. +Bobby and I have had enough excitement for tonight. You think it's all right for you to stay here? +You think it's all right for you to stay here? I've got a good lock on my door. And Bobby's going to sleep in my room tonight. +I'm at Bleeker's getting an appraisal on that diamond. I thought we might have lunch together. I -- I'm afraid I can't -- not right now. Can I talk to you later?. Yes, that'll be fine. 'Bye. +Tom -- I've been trying to get you all afternoon-- Come on in. +I've got some terrific news about your friend, Mr. Carpenter. What about him? +What about him? Helen, he's the man from the space ship! I had that diamond checked at three different places. Nobody on earth's ever seen a stone like that! After what Bobby told us, that's enough for me. Why is it nobody knows anything about him? Why hasn't he got any money? +Helen, he's the man from the space ship! I had that diamond checked at three different places. Nobody on earth's ever seen a stone like that! After what Bobby told us, that's enough for me. Why is it nobody knows anything about him? Why hasn't he got any money? All right, Tom -- it's true. I know it's true. +All right, Tom -- it's true. I know it's true. How do you know? +How do you know? Never mind about that. You've got to promise me you won't say a word to anybody. +Never mind about that. You've got to promise me you won't say a word to anybody. Are you crazy? After what happened today? +Are you crazy? After what happened today? You don't understand. You don't realize how important it is. +You don't understand. You don't realize how important it is. Important? Of course it's important. The point is we can do something about it. +Important? Of course it's important. The point is we can do something about it. That's what I'm trying to tell you. We mustn't do anything about it. Believe me, Tom, I know what I'm talking about. +That's what I'm trying to tell you. We mustn't do anything about it. Believe me, Tom, I know what I'm talking about. He's a menace to the whole world! It's our duty to turn him in. +He's a menace to the whole world! It's our duty to turn him in. But he isn't a menace! He told me what he came here for. +But he isn't a menace! He told me what he came here for. He told you... Don't be silly, honey -- just because you like the guy. You realize what this'd mean for us? I'd be the biggest man in the country. I could write my own ticket. +He told you... Don't be silly, honey -- just because you like the guy. You realize what this'd mean for us? I'd be the biggest man in the country. I could write my own ticket. Is that what you're thinking about? +Is that what you're thinking about? Why not? Somebody's got to get rid of him. +Tom, you mustn't -- ! You don't know what you're doing! It isn't just you and Mr. Carpenter. The rest of the world, is involved! I don't care about the rest of the world! +You'll feel different when you see my picture in the papers. I feel different right now. +I feel different right now. You wait and see. You're going to marry a big hero! +You wait and see. You're going to marry a big hero! I'm not going to marry anybody. +I don't know how to thank you. I enjoyed every minute of it. +Everyone seems so-- Jittery is the word. +Bobby's the only person I know who isn't -- Jittery. He has his homework to keep him occupied. +He has his homework to keep him occupied. He's a fine boy, Mrs. Benson. +He's a fine boy, Mrs. Benson. Naturally I think so. +Naturally I think so. Warm and friendly and intelligent-- You know -- he's the only real friend I've made since I've been here. +Mr. Carpenter -- this is none of my business, but -- why did that detective come here last night? Oh -- they just wanted to ask me a few questions. Bobby and I tried to see Professor Barnhardt in the afternoon, but he wasn't in. Apparently they thought I was looking for secrets of some kind. +Excuse me. I was just going up to my room. Goodnight, Mr. Carpenter. +Mr. Carpenter, I-- Goodnight. Goodnight, my dear. +Oh -- hello-- May I see you for a minute? +May I see you for a minute? I -- I was Just going to lunch. +I -- I was Just going to lunch. May I walk out with you? +I saw Bobby this morning before he went to school-- Yes--? +Yes--? I want to know what he told you last night. +I want to know what he told you last night. I -- I didn't really pay much attention-- Bobby has such an active imagination. +I -- I didn't really pay much attention-- Bobby has such an active imagination. Did you believe what he told you? I have a reason for asking this -- a very important reason. +What is it you want? Before I ask you to be honest with me, perhaps I should be completely honest with you-- +What happened? What time is it? +Just twelve. We'll be stuck here for a little while -- about thirty minutes. +We'll be stuck here for a little while -- about thirty minutes. We could try pushing the other buttons. I have a flashlight in my purse. +We could try pushing the other buttons. I have a flashlight in my purse. It won't work. +Why not? You see -- the electricity's been neutralized -- all over the world. +You hold great hope for this meeting. I can see no other hope for your planet. If the meeting should fail, then I'm afraid there is no hope. +It must be twelve-thirty. Yes -- Just exactly. +Where are you going now? Back to the boardinghouse. I'll be safe there for the afternoon -- and I can keep an eye on Bobby. He's the only other person who knows anything about-- +No, wait a minute -- there's someone else. Who? +Who? Tom... He was there last night when Bobby told me what he saw. +I'm sure Barnhardt can arrange to hide me until the meeting. Where is the meeting going to be? +Where is the meeting going to be? At the ship. +It's only a few blocks to Barnhardt's. I'm worried about Gort. I'm afraid of what he might do -- if anything should happen to me. +I'm worried about Gort. I'm afraid of what he might do -- if anything should happen to me. Gort? But he's a robot. I mean -- without you, what could he do? +Gort? But he's a robot. I mean -- without you, what could he do? "There's no limit to what he could do. He could destroy the Earth. If anything should happen to me, you must go to Gort. You must give him this message: ""Klaatu barada nikto."" Please repeat that." +"There's no limit to what he could do. He could destroy the Earth. If anything should happen to me, you must go to Gort. You must give him this message: ""Klaatu barada nikto."" Please repeat that." """Klaatu barada nikto.""" +"""Klaatu barada nikto.""" Remember those words. +Hello. I -- I thought you were-- +I -- I thought you were-- I was. +I was. You mean he has the power of life and death? +You mean he has the power of life and death? No -- that is a power reserved to the Almighty Spirit. +No -- that is a power reserved to the Almighty Spirit. This technique, in certain cases, can re-stimulate life for a limited period. It's a refinement of scientific principles known to your own people. +This technique, in certain cases, can re-stimulate life for a limited period. It's a refinement of scientific principles known to your own people. But how -- how long--? +But how -- how long--? How long will I live? That no one can say. +We'll miss you very much -- Bobby and I. He won't have anyone to play with. He'll have you -- and Tom. +He'll have you -- and Tom. No. That's all finished. +No. That's all finished. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. I think I'm very lucky. You don't always get a chance to recognize a mistake before you make it. +How dare you write on that blackboard! Do you realize the Professor has been working on that problem for weeks? He'll catch on to it in no time now. +He'll catch on to it in no time now. How did you get in here? And what do you want? +How did you get in here? And what do you want? We came to see Professor Barnhardt. +We came to see Professor Barnhardt. Well, he's not here. And he won't be back till this evening. I think you'd better leave now. Unruffled, Klaatu turns to the desk and scribbles something on a scratch pad. He tears off the piece of paper and hands it to Hilda. +Well, he's not here. And he won't be back till this evening. I think you'd better leave now. Unruffled, Klaatu turns to the desk and scribbles something on a scratch pad. He tears off the piece of paper and hands it to Hilda. You might keep this. I think the professor will want to get in touch with me. +Is it worth anything? I have never seen such a stone. Will you please tell me where it came from? +I have never seen such a stone. Will you please tell me where it came from? That's what I wanted you to tell me. +That's what I wanted you to tell me. There are no diamonds like this -- any place in the world. +You sure about that? Would you like to sell it? +Would you like to sell it? No -- no, thanks. +No -- no, thanks. I'd give you a very good price. +The Professor's secretary says she found you in Barnhardt's room, making marks on his blackboard. I was only trying to be helpful. He was having difficulty with a problem. +Oh, I see. He was having trouble and you were helping him out. That's right. +That's right. I suppose you know that Barnhardt does a lot of secret work for the Army. +I suppose you know that Barnhardt does a lot of secret work for the Army. In this case the secret wouldn't be worth much. He doesn't know the answer himself. +In this case the secret wouldn't be worth much. He doesn't know the answer himself. But I suppose you know the answer. +But I suppose you know the answer. It's really quite simple... The three- body problem, you know. +Your name's Carpenter -- that right? Any identification, Mr. Carpenter? Driver's license -- social security number? No -- I'm afraid not. +No -- I'm afraid not. Well, how do I know who you are? +Well, how do I know who you are? You don't. +Okay -- book him and get him fixed up. Looks like everybody's goin' nuts. They would have killed this man? +They would have killed this man? People get hysterical enough, they do anything. Look, Mr. Carpenter -- if you can't identify yourself, I got to send you over to the Army. +People get hysterical enough, they do anything. Look, Mr. Carpenter -- if you can't identify yourself, I got to send you over to the Army. How long will that take? +How long will that take? They can tell right away. They've got a couple of doctors who saw this man in the hospital. Take him over to G2. +May I suggest that you call the Professor? Get going, will you, Brady -- before I get mad! +Just passing through Santa Carla? No, I'm a resident as of today and you'll probably be seeing a lot of me... I've been collecting comic books all my life... perhaps you'd like to see my collection? +I don't like horror comics. This one could save your life. +How do you like Santa Carla? It's a pretty cool place if you're a Martian. +Yeah, you think we just work in a comic book store for our dad, huh? This isn't a comic book store, right. It's a bakery. +We're fighters for Truth, Justice, and the American Way. You better get some fresh air. +I don't like horror comics. Think of this more as a survival manual... there's our number on the back, and pray that you never need to call us. +Think of this more as a survival manual... there's our number on the back, and pray that you never need to call us. I'm gonna pray that I never need to call you. +All day. Can't stand light? +Can't stand light? Wears sunglasses in the house. +Salt sticks to the bottom of his feet. Yeah. +Yeah. He's a vampire alright. +Why not? He's my brother. +He's my brother. You better get a garlic T-shirt, buddy. +They wouldn't be out in the daytime. Exactly how many vampires have you actually destroyed? +I'll have to drive! We don't ride with vampires. +We don't ride with vampires. Fine! Stay here! +Burn rubber does not mean warp speed! We blew it, Edgar! We lost it! +They're gaining on us! You gotta drive! +Well... we blew Plan A. Time to activate Plan B. +Time to activate Plan B. What's Plan B? +We've been aware of some very serious vampire activity in this town for a long time. Santa Carla has become a haven for the undead. +Santa Carla has become a haven for the undead. As a matter of fact, we're almost certain that ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at City Hall. +All together? Zero. +Okay. Where's Nosferatu? The Prince of Darkness. +The Prince of Darkness. The nightcrawler. The bloodsucker. +The nightcrawler. The bloodsucker. El Vampiro. +Should I run him through? I've only got one question for you, and I want an honest answer. Have you taken any human victims yet? +Shut up! We unraveled in the face of the enemy! +We unraveled in the face of the enemy! They pulled a mind-scramble on us, man! It wasn't our fault! They opened their eyes and talked! +They're looking at us. They're gonna book us. +Good. That's just the way we like it. +Did you see that sucker burn?! Man, we totally annihilated his night-stalkin' ass! +Man, we totally annihilated his night-stalkin' ass! Two down and two to go. +Two down and two to go. Four to go. +Four to go. Whattaya mean? +Whattaya mean? Those two we brought back with us. The girl and the kid. I don't trust 'em. I say we terminate 'em while we can. +Those two we brought back with us. The girl and the kid. I don't trust 'em. I say we terminate 'em while we can. You know what? You're absolutely right. +Death to all vampires! Maximum body-count. +Maximum body-count. We are awesome monster-bashers! +We are awesome monster-bashers! The meanest! +The meanest! The baddest! +We still going? Honda 250, huh? +Honda 250, huh? That's right. +That's right. C'mon, Star. Climb on. +C'mon, Star. Climb on. Star?... +I can't beat a Triumph. You don't have to beat me, Michael. Just try to keep up. +We were gonna grab some food. Good idea. Marko. We're hungry. +So how do you like those maggots, Michael? What?... +What?... You're eating maggots. How do they taste? +Don't! Stop! Why? They're only noodles. +I'm my own man. Get your bike. We're going someplace. +What's going' on? What's goin' on, Marko? +Where is she?! Hey, take it easy. +Hey, take it easy. Where's Star, David?! +Where's Star, David?! If you ever want to see Star again, then you better come with us. +What is this, David? You're one of us, now -- aren't you? +Where you going? For a ride. +For a ride. With him? +With him? Yeah. +C'mon, Michael. I want to go. No. Stick around. +Leave him alone. Sorry, Michael. No hard feelings, huh? Here. Try these noodles. +Look. You're almost one of us now, Michael. +You can't kill me, Star. I will, David! +I will, David! No, Star. Put it down. Put it down. +And these Archies should be over here with the Richie Rich's. Where the hell are you from, Kryton??? +Where the hell are you from, Kryton??? Phoenix actually and these Bullwinkle and... +Or a vampire. Are you guys sniffing old newsprint or something? +Are you guys sniffing old newsprint or something? You think you're cool, don't you? You think you know what's really happening, don't you? Well, you don't know shit, buddy. +This is just our cover. We're dedicated to a higher purpose. Now I get it... you're like those people in the airport trying to get you to give them money. You're part of a cult. +Bad breath? Long fingernails? His fingernails are longer, but he always has bad breath. +Get yourself a good sharp stake and drive it through his heart. I can't do that! +I have something to tell you guys. Not only is my own brother showing systems of being a vampire... but now I'm convinced my mother's dating one! That is very probable. What's your reasoning? +That is very probable. What's your reasoning? Well... he only shows up at the store after dark. And today, his dog attacked my mom. Listen to this. From Vampires Everywhere... 'Vampires require a daytime protector -- a Guardian -- to watch over them as they sleep. For it is during the day that the vampire is most vulnerable. Since they hold sway over animals, fierce dogs -- the hounds of Hell -- are often employed for this purpose.' +I wish they were vampires so I could nuke them in their hearts. How do you know they're not? +He's not glowing. Hit the lights again. +He's telling the truth! Aren't you, Michael? To free you, we must destroy the leader of the vampires. +Just so you know: If you try to stop us, or vamp-out in any way, I'll stake you without thinking twice about it. Chill out Edgar. +What's that smell!? Vampires, my friend. Vampires. +I thought they'd be in coffins. That's exactly what this place is. One great big coffin. Let's stake 'em. +Oh, no... What? +What? There's a cop behind us. +No, Nanook! Quiet! Your dog knows flesh-eaters when he smells 'em! +We don't have one yet. And we only have two and a half hours to come up with one. What happens in tow and a half hours? +What happens in tow and a half hours? The dun goes down and they'll be comin' for us. +Of course not! If you're telling the truth, it means we can save you. +David. I don't want names! Just lead me to him. Where's their nest? +I don't want names! Just lead me to him. Where's their nest? I'll take you there. +I said, I'll take you there. Nobody's going near Star without me. Okay, okay. +Don't go out there! Stop him! Sam, don't -- +Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew didn't improve her situation by getting divorced. A big legal war wasn't going to improve anybody's situation. We've all been through enough. Besides I was raised better than that. Thanks for having us, Dad. +Ouch, my hair... When I dressed like you do now, you threw me out of the house. I used to hate your short hair and your uptight suits... then I went ahead and married one... I went Yuppie and you became a hippie... Were still out of synch. +I can't sleep with the closet door open, either. Not even a crack. Your father doesn't mind, though. It could be wide open for all he cared. I think one of the reasons I divorced him was because he never believed... in the horror... of the closet monster! Closet monster!? +Dad! Don't sneak up on people like that! It's called the Indian walk. Walkin' without makin' a sound. +Smells good. When do we eat? I told Max eight o'clock. +I told Max eight o'clock. Max? You men we're having company again? +Max? You men we're having company again? 'Again'? Dad... you haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago. +'Again'? Dad... you haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago. Right. An' now we're having company again. I'll take mine to go. +... And stay outta here. You have a T.V.? +You have a T.V.? No, I just like to read the T.V. Guide. Read the T.V. Guide, you don't need a T.V... +Thanks, Grandpa... Lots more where he came from. +Grandpa, stop doin' the Indian Walk! Gotta keep in practice. It's a dyin' art. +Gotta keep in practice. It's a dyin' art. Good! +Good! Whatcha doin' over here? +Whatcha doin' over here? Oh... I was just... having a look at your truck. What's all that wood in there for? +Oh... I was just... having a look at your truck. What's all that wood in there for? Been fixin' to build me fence one of these days. Bought all the materials, then put it off... for about ten years. Well, one more day won't hurt. Wanna go into town with me? +Been fixin' to build me fence one of these days. Bought all the materials, then put it off... for about ten years. Well, one more day won't hurt. Wanna go into town with me? Great. I wanna get some new comics. +Are we havin' fun or what? I thought we were goin' into town. +I thought we were goin' into town. I hate goin' into town. That's about as close to town as I like to get. +Grandpa, the Widow Johnson called. She said to pick her up a seven instead of eight. Did we have a date tonight? +Did we have a date tonight? I guess so. She said not to be late. +I guess so. She said not to be late. I better get cleaned up, then. +Hi... I'm Laddie. This is Michael. +I had the dream again about them. Who, Laddie? +Who, Laddie? I know it was them, Star. I'm sure of it. He was working in the yard -- hammering something. The yard was big with lots of grass. There was no boardwalk and no ocean. She was bringing him something cold to drink... and had red hair. I was there, too. And a dog -- but I don't know its name. I was running and the dog was chasing me. Then I turned around and chased the dog. They were watching me. Drinking their cold drinks and laughing. And I was laughing, too. +I know it was them, Star. I'm sure of it. He was working in the yard -- hammering something. The yard was big with lots of grass. There was no boardwalk and no ocean. She was bringing him something cold to drink... and had red hair. I was there, too. And a dog -- but I don't know its name. I was running and the dog was chasing me. Then I turned around and chased the dog. They were watching me. Drinking their cold drinks and laughing. And I was laughing, too. Laddie... you can still remember. You can still remember home. +Laddie... you can still remember. You can still remember home. It was a dream, Star. +It was a dream, Star. No, Laddie. It was a memory. +You didn't tell David? No. Just you. +No. Just you. Promise me you'll keep it that way. You're not like the others, Laddie. You're like me. I can still remember, too. +You like Michael. I like Michael. +I like Michael. You better not like him too much. +Still mad at me? For what. +For what. For everything. +He looks dead. He's just a deep sleeper. +He's just a deep sleeper. He's not breathing, Mom. +It's early. Why do we have to go home? Bring your own wheels tomorrow night and you can stay as long as you want... well 'til eleven thirty maybe. +Bring your own wheels tomorrow night and you can stay as long as you want... well 'til eleven thirty maybe. I'll hitch. +I'll hitch. Oh, no, you won't. +See you later. I get off in another twenty minutes. I thought maybe we'd all get a bite together. +I get off in another twenty minutes. I thought maybe we'd all get a bite together. I'll pass. +Michael, are you still in bed? No. I'm up. +No. I'm up. Michael, will you do me a favor this evening? Will you stay home with Sam tonight? I'm meeting Max for dinner after work. +Michael, will you do me a favor this evening? Will you stay home with Sam tonight? I'm meeting Max for dinner after work. I watch him all day. The only time I have more myself is at night. Let Grandpa watch him. +I watch him all day. The only time I have more myself is at night. Let Grandpa watch him. Grandpa has plans of his own. Michael, I want you to do this. Everybody has been bending over backwards for you. You come home late. You sleep in to the middle of the day -- Sam is always alone. You do exactly what you want... tonight do what I want for a change. +Okay? Okay. +Sure. Does that mean we are, or we aren't? +Does that mean we are, or we aren't? We are... +We are... Then let's act like friends. Let's talk. I know this is a new place, and -- +-- If there's a girl, we could talk about her. I'm tired now. +I'm tired now. Wait a minute, kiddo. +Wait a minute, kiddo. Mom... please. +Max is coming for dinner, Michael. I'd like you to meet him. Can't. Got plans of my own. +Can't. Got plans of my own. There's only three weeks left of summer, Michael. Things are going to change around here when school starts. +There's only three weeks left of summer, Michael. Things are going to change around here when school starts. Gotta go, Mom. +I didn't invite you in this time! Michael!... +Michael!... Get out, Mom! Run! +We're getting close... What's that smell? +What's that smell? Ocean air! +Ocean air! Smells like something died. +Smells like something died. Guys, I know it hasn't been easy... the divorce and now the move... but I think you're really going to like living in Santa Carla... +Mom, there's an amusement park right on the beach! That's the boardwalk, Sam. +That's the boardwalk, Sam. Can we go now, huh? LUCY Maybe later. Grandpa's expecting us. +Tell them to get something to eat. I thought we were poor. +I thought we were poor. Not that poor. +When you ran away from home, hitch- hiked to Berkeley, spent the night in Golden Gate Park and begged for spare change in the morning? You've heard this story before? +You've heard this story before? So many times, I'm starting to think it happened to me. +Help me, Mom. Help. Soon. +He met a girl. I guess no one cares what I got a job. +I guess no one cares what I got a job. Can we get a T.V.? +Lights out, Sam. Soon as I finish this comic. Okay? +Sam. Is everything all right? Mom. I think we've got to have a long talk about something? +Mom. I think we've got to have a long talk about something? What's wrong? Tell me. +What's wrong? Tell me. We can't talk about it on the phone. +Sam! What happened!? You had me scared to death. Are you all right? Sorry, Mom. It was a mistake. I thought I saw something out the window. I was reading this horror comic and I guess I go a little carried away... +Where's Michael? He's already gone to bed. +Can I sleep in here with you tonight? In here? +In here? Do you mind? It was a real scary comic. +Do you mind? It was a real scary comic. Okay. Have you been eating pizza? You smell like garlic. +These are my dinner guests. Edgar and Alan. The Frog Brothers. Ah... I didn't know you were having guests... +Ah... I didn't know you were having guests... Well if we're in your way we can just eat peanut butter out of the jar in the kitchen. +Well if we're in your way we can just eat peanut butter out of the jar in the kitchen. No, no... there's plenty for everybody... Oh, Max, this is Sam... and the Frog Brothers... +Nanook, stop breathin' on me. C'mere, Nanook. +Oh, no. Now what? Must be a circuit breaker. +What did you say? Vampires, Mom! Everywhere! You've got to tell the police! The newspapers! The TV stations! They'll listen to you. They'll believe you... you're a mom! +Vampires, Mom! Everywhere! You've got to tell the police! The newspapers! The TV stations! They'll listen to you. They'll believe you... you're a mom! Not funny, Sam! +Not funny, Sam! This is not a joke. They know that we know about them. They're coming to the house as soon as it gets dark! +This is not a joke. They know that we know about them. They're coming to the house as soon as it gets dark! Stop it, Sam. Stop it right now! +Stop it, Sam. Stop it right now! But, Mom... +But, Mom... Not another word! I can't believe you're doing this. I'm going to see Max tonight and you're trying to ruin it for me again. +Not another word! I can't believe you're doing this. I'm going to see Max tonight and you're trying to ruin it for me again. No, I'm not... +No, I'm not... There's nothing wrong with Max. I don't know why you don't -- +There's nothing wrong with Max. I don't know why you don't -- -- I'm not talking about Max! To hell with Max! +Ohmygod... Mom! +Mom! What happened? Is everybody all right?! +You've got a generous nature. I like that in a person. My name is Max. Lucy. +Lucy. So what can I help you find tonight, Lucy? We've got it all. Best selection in Santa Carla. +So what can I help you find tonight, Lucy? We've got it all. Best selection in Santa Carla. I'm not looking for a tape. What I need is -- +I'm not looking for a tape. What I need is -- -- a job. +-- a job. Do I look that needy? +Say hello to Thorn. Hi, Thorn. +You're cute, Max. I know. It's so 'Eighties.' It's the Cute Decade. +Not impressed, are you? Ohm I would have been... one marriage ago. +So, I've met the one woman on the planet who's going to hold my success against me. You seem like a terrific guy, Max, and I'm grateful for the job... +You seem like a terrific guy, Max, and I'm grateful for the job... But I don't think it's what you really want to do, is it? +But I don't think it's what you really want to do, is it? I guess if I had my choice, I'd like to do something that involves children. Work with kids in some way. Teenagers, maybe. And Santa Carla seems to be full of them. +I guess if I had my choice, I'd like to do something that involves children. Work with kids in some way. Teenagers, maybe. And Santa Carla seems to be full of them. Yeah. Runaways, mostly. They come from all over. Attracted by the boardwalk and the ocean. Lucy... listen I know I have no right to ask you this... but don't look for another job just yet... I mean besides being the best employee I have... I think you're cute. +Yeah. Runaways, mostly. They come from all over. Attracted by the boardwalk and the ocean. Lucy... listen I know I have no right to ask you this... but don't look for another job just yet... I mean besides being the best employee I have... I think you're cute. I hear this is the decade for cute. +Is it okay for the guest to see the food before the dinner? You're thinking of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. +You're thinking of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. Oh, right. I always gets those two confused. +This looks terrific, Lucy. Boy! Somebody areound here sure has bad breath! +Max! What's wrong? It's garlic!! I like garlic, but... +I'm really sorry, Max. Our batting average isn't very good is it? So far we're zero for two. +Our batting average isn't very good is it? So far we're zero for two. I don't understand Sam. He's just not like this. +I don't understand Sam. He's just not like this. Boys Sam's age need a good deal of discipline, or they walk all over you. +Boys Sam's age need a good deal of discipline, or they walk all over you. He doesn't walk all over me. +He doesn't walk all over me. I don't want to fight with you, Lucy. Come on. Let's give it one more try. Dinner at my house, tomorrow night. I'm cooking. +Maybe this is the night where everything finally goes right for a change. I hope so. +Something the matter? No, no. Just worrying about my boys -- as usual. +No, no. Just worrying about my boys -- as usual. Let me tell you something about boys. They're like weeds. They grow best when they're ignored. +Let me tell you something about boys. They're like weeds. They grow best when they're ignored. I thought you said they needed discipline? +I thought you said they needed discipline? Well... what do I know? I'm a bachelor. Lucy... this is going to be a very special night, I promise you. +Max... what are you talking about? It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. One big happy family. My boys... and yours. +Will somebody please tell me what this is all about!? It's you I was after all along, Lucy. To be our day time guardian. I knew if we could bring Sam and Michael into the faimly, there'd be no way you could say no. +How about a little Parmesan cheese on that? Okay, Sam. Thanks. +Does it burn? Burn?? Are you kidding? It's freezing! +I am? Yeah. I'm not trying to replace your Dad... or steal your Mom. I just want to be your friend. +But you passed the test! Michael invited me in. Never invite a vampire into your house. It renders you powerless. +Michael invited me in. Never invite a vampire into your house. It renders you powerless. What?! Did you know that!? +Are you following me? Well, I... +Well, I... Did you want to talk to me? +Well... yeah. Sure. Okay. Talk. +Okay. Talk. I just wanted to... I, uh... +Hi... If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it. +What's your name? Star. +Star. Oh. Your folks, too, huh? +Oh. Your folks, too, huh? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Ex-hippies. My mom was one. I came this close to being called Moon Child, or Moon Beam or something. But Star's great. I like Star. +Ex-hippies. My mom was one. I came this close to being called Moon Child, or Moon Beam or something. But Star's great. I like Star. Me, too. +Me, too. I'm Michael. +I'm Michael. Michael's great. I like Michael. +I guess you're new around here. Sort of. We used to come here summers when I was kid. Now we're here on a permanent basis. +Are you hungry? Wanna get something to eat? Okay. +Ouch. Don't be a baby. That didn't hurt and you know it. +I wouldn't have given my Mom such a hard time about moving here if I'd known I was going to meet you. I used to fight with my family all the time... just got fed up and ran away. +I used to fight with my family all the time... just got fed up and ran away. Now you and David... +Now you and David... No. They've made me one of them, but I miss my family. +No. They've made me one of them, but I miss my family. Let's go see them. +Let's go see them. No... no, everything's different now... +I have to talk to you. Please wake up. Have to sleep. Have to sleep, Michael. +Have to sleep. Have to sleep, Michael. When? +When? Tonight. At the boardwalk... +I have to talk to you. Can I come up? Okay. +Do you know where David took me tonight, Star? Do you?! Yes... and I'm to blame for it. If you hadn't met me... if I hadn't liked you... I tried to warn you... +Yes... and I'm to blame for it. If you hadn't met me... if I hadn't liked you... I tried to warn you... That night in the cave -- that wasn't wine they gave me to drink... it was blood! David's blood. I'm one of them, Star! I'm just like them! +That night in the cave -- that wasn't wine they gave me to drink... it was blood! David's blood. I'm one of them, Star! I'm just like them! Not yet... You're like Laddie and me... Half-vampires... You're not a full vampire until you've made your first kill... You were supposed to be mine... but I couldn't, Michael. +Not yet... You're like Laddie and me... Half-vampires... You're not a full vampire until you've made your first kill... You were supposed to be mine... but I couldn't, Michael. Why not? +Why not? Because I love you... +Because I love you... Then it's not too late for us... +Then it's not too late for us... It's not too late for you to be saved... but each night... it becomes harder and harder for me to resist killing... +It's not too late for you to be saved... but each night... it becomes harder and harder for me to resist killing... I know, I've felt it... +I know, I've felt it... I'm weak... Soon I'll need to feed. +David's looking for me... I have to go. You're not going anywhere... Sam... +You've got to put this on. Take laddie. +Take laddie. Huh? +Huh? Save Laddie first. +They'll be coming for Laddie and me, won't they? They'll be coming for all of us. +It's gone. I feel it! So do I! +What!? He can and I can't?! No fair!! That's okay, Mom. I can see it later. I'll help you unload. +This is kind of a cool place. I'm so excited I just can't hide it. I'm about to lode control and I think I like it. +I'm so excited I just can't hide it. I'm about to lode control and I think I like it. Will you give Mom a break? +Grandpa does not own a T.V. Have you noticed? There's no T.V. Santa Carla has no malls, no Cineplexes and now I won't even have MTV. I will not know anything hip happening anymore. Hey, Sam, we're flat broke. +Hey, Sam, we're flat broke. Even poor people have T.V.s +This room is mine. I was here first. +I was here first. Okay. I'll flip you for it. +You're beautiful. Wanna change my hair, my clothes, my face. +Where are we going? Nowhere. +Nowhere. Then what's the rush? You're chasing that girl, why don't you just admit it? I'm at the mercy of your sex glands! +Then what's the rush? You're chasing that girl, why don't you just admit it? I'm at the mercy of your sex glands! Don't you have something better to do than follow me around all night? +Mom, you hitched all the way to Berkeley once, remember? Mom, just give me five more minutes. Just five minutes, okay? +Do I have to do this? Come on, Sam, you know before there were malls there was 'like the ocean.' +Go away. You're supposed to watch me and entertain me, and make me appreciate the brief but happy years of childhood. +You're supposed to watch me and entertain me, and make me appreciate the brief but happy years of childhood. Entertain yourself. +What did you do last night? You look wasted. I can't remember much after the Chinese food that looked like maggots. +You don't suppose Grandpa's an alien, do you? What would that make Mom? +What would that make Mom? You're right... not even to mention you and me. +Did you spill something? No. Why? +No. Why? The bottoms of your feet are covered with salt. +I told you it was pretty weird Chinese food. Wanna go to the comic book store? +Wanna go to the comic book store? No. +Mom's home?... No. On the phone. +I'm making you a sandwich. Don't bother. +Lose the earring, Michael. It's not happening. It's just not happening. Piss off. +Piss off. You have such a great personality, Michael. You should open your own charm school. +Michael? Don't turn on the light. +What happened, Michael!? Nanook... +Nanook... What about Nonook? What have you done to Nanook?! What have you done to my dog, you asshole?! +What about Nonook? What have you done to Nanook?! What have you done to my dog, you asshole?! Nothing! I didn't hurt him. He bit me! This is my blood! +What did you to do him, Michael? Why did he bite you? He was protecting you! +What?? Look at your reflection in the mirror!! +We've got to stick together, Sam. You've got to help me. What about Mom? +What about Mom? No! We can't tell Mom! Please, Sam. Don't tell her. +No! We can't tell Mom! Please, Sam. Don't tell her. I don't know, Michael. This is not like breaking a lamp or getting a 'D'. +I don't know, Michael. This is not like breaking a lamp or getting a 'D'. Just for a few days, Sam. Give me a chance to work this out by myself. +It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them? I don't know. +Star. Don't kill anybody until we get back to you... +Who are you calling? The Marines. +Michael! Get behind the wheel. Huh?... +What's the matter? I... I don't feel any differently. Do you? +Sixteen. And the horse you rode in on. Sixteen for how long?! You can't predict this time of year... +What do you want from us? Just listen. +Pretty nasty out, Mac. Thirty-five knots. Screw it, I'm going up anyway. +All right... Box of dynamite... box of thermite... three shotguns... box of flares... two flare guns... thirty cans gasoline... and a case of alcohol. Let's load 'em. +Maybe dinner. Dogs don't eat each other. +Dogs don't eat each other. I know. +Where these tracks headed? Nowhere... Just straight to the ocean. +"What do you mean ""got"" to the dog?" It was a life form that was able to imitate and reproduce, whatever it ate or absorbed, cell for cell. +Clark, did you notice anything strange about that dog? Just anything at all? Any little thing? No. Just that he recovered real quick... That night when I found him in the rec room, he had already scraped off his bandage. Before I put him with the others, I redressed his wound and noticed it had healed up real good... +That night? Yeah. +Yeah. What was he doing in the rec room? +What was he doing in the rec room? Well, after I worked on him -- thought I'd let him rest. Left the room for a bit. When I came back, he was gone. +Well, after I worked on him -- thought I'd let him rest. Left the room for a bit. When I came back, he was gone. Well, where was he? Where did he go? +Well, where was he? Where did he go? Don't know. Looked for him for a bit... couldn't find him. +Don't know. Looked for him for a bit... couldn't find him. You're saying he wasn't put into the kennel until the night? +How long were you with the dog? Alone, I mean? Ah... He was hurt bad. Bullet nicked an artery... I don't know... An hour... hour and a half... +What the hell you looking at me like that for? Nothing. Nothing at all. +Was that dog, the Norwegian dog? I just can't comprehend any of this. It was just a dog. +Couldn't make much of it myself. I've asked him to try and locate the site. Okay with you? +I've asked him to try and locate the site. Okay with you? Sure. You think there's a connection? +Sure. You think there's a connection? Maybe. +Look, I know it's hard to believe... So what's our problem? +So what's our problem? Well... there's still some cell activity... it's not entirely dead yet. +... It could have gotten to somebody... Anybody sick? +Anybody sick? No, I... I don't mean infection... or disease... +Listen to me, Garry. Please... If the weather clears enough before we reach anybody -- I'm sending you and Doc up to MacMurdo... +Don't you understand?! That Thing didn't want to become a dog... Damn you, Blair! You've already got everybody half-hysterical around here. +Damn you, Blair! You've already got everybody half-hysterical around here. You can't let anybody leave! +You can't let anybody leave! I've got six dead Norwegians on my hands, a burned up flying saucer, and we've just destroyed the scientific find of the century. Now fuck off! +Whatever that Norwegian dog was... It... It was capable of changing its form... ... when it attacked our dog... it somehow was able to digest... or... absorb it... and in the process shaped its own cells to imitate our dog's cells exactly... ... This for instance isn't dog at all -- it's imitation... We got to it before it had time to finish or... Finish what? +Finish what? ... I think the whole process would have taken an hour... maybe more. And then I suppose both would have changed back to dog form. +What you doin'? Nobody's getting in here. You can tell them all that! +Nobody's getting in here. You can tell them all that! Well, who the hell you think wants to get in there with you? +Now why'd you go and... And I don't want any more food with sedatives in it. I know what you're up to. Don't think I don't. And if anyone tries to get in here -- I've got rope. I'll hang myself before it gets to me. +And I don't want any more food with sedatives in it. I know what you're up to. Don't think I don't. And if anyone tries to get in here -- I've got rope. I'll hang myself before it gets to me. You promise? +Too damn dangerous. ... You think this Thing wants to become an animal? Dogs can't make it 1000 miles to the sea. No skua gulls to imitate this time of year... No penguins this far inland... Don't you understand?! It wanted to become us! +... Can't you see...? If one cell of this Thing got out it could imitate every living thing on Earth. Nothing could stop it! Nothing! Look Blair, maybe you're right about this. But we've got to be rational. We've got to talk this over. I'm unarmed and I'm coming in. +Look Blair, maybe you're right about this. But we've got to be rational. We've got to talk this over. I'm unarmed and I'm coming in. No, you're not! I don't trust any of you! +How you doin', old boy? I don't know who to trust. +I don't know who to trust. Know what you mean, Blair. Trust is a tough thing to come by these days. Just trust in the Lord. +Know what you mean, Blair. Trust is a tough thing to come by these days. Just trust in the Lord. Watch Clark. +Watch Clark. What? +What? Watch him close. Ask him why he didn't kennel the dog. +I've changed my mind... I'd... I'd like to come back inside... I don't want to stay out here any more... Funny things... I hear funny things out here. Have you come across Fuchs? +Have you come across Fuchs? Fuchs...? No, it's not Fuchs... You must let me back in... I won't harm anyone... I promise... +Fuchs...? No, it's not Fuchs... You must let me back in... I won't harm anyone... I promise... We'll see... +Happens all the time, man. They're falling out of the skies like flies. Government knows all about it... Chariots of the Gods, man... They practically own South America. I mean they taught the Incas everything they knew... Cool it, Palmer!! +Childs, where's that magneto from Chopper One? Ain't it there? +What? Don't walk behind me. +Auxiliary light cables...? Been cut. Cut, bullshit. Been pulled apart. +Somebody broke in. Now who'd go and do... +Childs!! Let go of me... +Let go of me... Don't get near 'em. The plants! They're alive. Those things can imitate anything... +Don't get near 'em. The plants! They're alive. Those things can imitate anything... What's it going to do, being a plant? +We got to burn 'em. Now hold on, you dumb... +Why didn't it imitate Fuchs? Isn't that its number -- to get more recruits. Wasn't enough time. Generator was out, what...? Thirty minutes. Takes the bastards an hour, maybe two to absorb somebody. +Could have been anytime. Anywhere. If it did get to him. +Let's open it. Hell no. +Let's open it. Now... Why you so damn anxious to let him in here... +Why you so damn anxious to let him in here... He's so close. Maybe our best chance to blow him away. +He's so close. Maybe our best chance to blow him away. No. Just let him freeze out there. +You catch anything he was saying? Am I starting to look Norwegian to you, Bwana? +I suppose... well, it's possible someone might have lifted it from me. But... That key ring of yours is always hooked to your belt. Now how could somebody get to it without you knowing? +That key ring of yours is always hooked to your belt. Now how could somebody get to it without you knowing? Look, I haven't been near that... that refrigerator. +I said where? Where'd you go?! Was dark... find a light... +Was dark... find a light... You lying bastard... +Lighten your load, sucker. You ain't the judge and executioner around here! Who you trying to protect, mutherfucker? I'm telling you this S.O.B. could be one of them. +Childs! That a fuse? No. The generator. You got the auxiliary box just off the kitchen. Get to it. Where's the damn flashlight? You fellas okay over there? +Cut that out, Copper. Nauls? What's taking you?! I'm working it! Nothing's happening! +I'm working it! Nothing's happening! That's impossible, man! Okay, Clark, out of the john where I can see you! +That's impossible, man! Okay, Clark, out of the john where I can see you! It's shorted out or something! +It's shorted out or something! Clark, you come on out here!! +Somebody's taken it. I can't find it! Clark, you want me to come in after you?! +Cut him loose of the line up by his shack. Cut him loose? +Cut him loose? When we were up poking around his place... I found this... +What's happening? Childs, you got the torch? You get your ass in here!! +Torch it over there! The dogs? +The dogs? Screw the dogs!! Torch it!! +MacReady! Look, I'm just guessing... +Look, I'm just guessing... Well, go on. +... So it crashes, and this guy, whoever he is, gets thrown out, or walks out, and ends up freezing. I just can't believe this voodoo bullshit. You believe this voodoo bullshit, Blair? +Yeah, they dig him up and cart him back. He gets thawed out, wakes up and scares the shit out of them. And they get into one hell of a brawl... Now how's this motherfucker wake up after thousands of years in the ice, huh? +Now how's this motherfucker wake up after thousands of years in the ice, huh? I don't know how. Because he's different than we are. Because he's a space guy. What do you want from me, anyway. Go ask Blair. +I don't know how. Because he's different than we are. Because he's a space guy. What do you want from me, anyway. Go ask Blair. You buy any of this, Blair? +I can get maybe another five or six feet out of it. That's good enough. +Where's the other half? Probably the next meal. +What we going to do?! How the fuck do I know?! +Torch them!! But... +But... He's gone already! Do it! +What do we do about those three? We got morphine, don't we. +MacReady! What? +What? Garry's missing! +Garry's missing! Oh, shit! Well, hang on! +Oh, shit! Well, hang on! Gee, thanks! +Well, who says I want you going with me?! Cut the bullshit... Okay, Sanchez, you come with us. Norris... you stay here... Any of them move -- you fry 'em. And if you hear anything, anything at all you let loose the siren. We all meet back here in twenty minutes regardless. And everybody watch whoever you're with. Real close. +... Nothing human could have made it back here in this weather without a guideline... ... Where is everybody?! I'm half frostbit! +What are you doing? You're a dead man, MacReady -- or a dead whatever the hell you are! +We found your clothes -- the ones you tried to burn. What clothes? +What clothes? You been made, MacReady. +... Ever occur to the jury that anybody could have gotten to some of my clothes and stuck them up... We ain't buying that. +Palmer, you and Copper tie everyone down. Real tight. What for? +What for? For your health. +You ain't tying me up. Then I'll have to kill you. +Then I'll have to kill you. Then kill me. +We should have jumped his ass. Now Copper, you tie Palmer up. +Load of bullshit. We'll see. Let's try Clark. +Spaceship of some kind. Smart S.O.B. He put it together piece by piece. +I think so. "What do you mean ""you think so?""" +Not the only one. The fire's got the temperature way up all over camp... won't last long though. +The fire's got the temperature way up all over camp... won't last long though. Neither will we. +Neither will we. Maybe we should try and fix the radio... try and get some help. +Maybe we should try and fix the radio... try and get some help. Maybe we shouldn't. +Maybe we shouldn't. Then we'll never make it. +Maybe we shouldn't make it. If you're worried about anything, let's take that blood test of yours. +If you're worried about anything, let's take that blood test of yours. If we've got any surprises for each other -- we shouldn't be in any condition to do anything about it. You play chess? +Screw regulations! Four guys could be crawling around on their bellies out there! So, I don't want to end up crawling around with them when we go down. +My God, what in hell happened here? Come on, Copper. +Hey, Sweden!!! They're not Swedish, goddamn it, they're Norwegian, MacRe -- +Anything? All in Norwegian. +What are you doing? Could be important work. Might as well bring it back. +Could be important work. Might as well bring it back. It's getting late. Hurry it. I'm going to check the last few rooms. +Well, who's got access to it? I guess I'm the only one. +Would that test have worked? I think so. +Now hold him. I'm a real light sleeper, Childs... +I'm a real light sleeper, Childs... Enough, MacReady! +And if anyone tries to wake me... Damn you, MacReady! +I guess you're okay. Thank you. +Thank you. Didn't think you'd use that fibrillator on Norris if you were one of them. +... Guys as crazy as that could have done a lot of damage to their own before they got to us. Nothing we can do about that. +Nothing we can do about that. Yes, there is. I'd like to go up. +Yes, there is. I'd like to go up. In this weather? +In this weather? Bennings? +Goes on like that quite awhile. What do you gentlemen make of it? Could be anything... Men in isolation... some beef that snowballed... got out of hand... +Hold on, damn it. We're getting nowhere... If this bit of Blair's about absorbing and imitating is true... then that dog could have gotten to anybody. And if it got to Clark... Clark could have gotten to anybody. +How long will it take you to prepare this? A couple of hours. +A couple of hours. Well, get to it. +Can there be... some kind of test? To find out who's what? A serum test possibly. +I don't see how... when I'm finished I return it right away. When was the last time you used it? +When was the last time you used it? A day or so ago... I guess. +I'm getting worried about you. You ought to have a checkup. Let's just not get worried about anything just now. +Let's just not get worried about anything just now. After all this mess then. +After all this mess then. After all this mess. +Gotta be from the Norwegian camp. How far's that? +How far's that? 'Bout eighty kilos southwest. +'Bout eighty kilos southwest. That far? +How many in their party? Started with six. There'd be four others left. +Right. Why not? What's that? +Hey, man...! You reach anybody yet? +You reach anybody yet? We're a thousand miles from anybody else, man. It's going to get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better. +We're a thousand miles from anybody else, man. It's going to get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better. Well, stick to it. +Couple seconds of an Argentine disco station. Well, stick with it. I want you at it round the clock. We got to get help in here... +Put that down! No. +No. I'll put this right through your head. +Look, if you're going to keep bitching, MacReady -- Palmer's offered to take him up... What are you talking?! He's had two months training in those choppers! +We're on fire! Don't let up, Childs! +Don't let up, Childs! Extinguishers. +You're not thinking of going after them, are you? I am going after them. +Get these things out of supply and meet me over by the snowmobiles. You're not going to catch them in one of those with the start they got. +You're not going to catch them in one of those with the start they got. Palmer, how long would it take you to strap those big four-cylinder carburetors on? +Ah... no one... I give it to Copper when he needs it... Could anyone have gotten it from you? +Let's rush him. He's not going to blow us all up. Damn if I won't. +Pure nonsense. This won't prove a damn thing. Thought you'd feel that way, Garry. You were the only one who could have gotten to that blood plasma... ... we'll do you last... +Looks good. One thousand volts. Should be enough. +How long's it been? Little over two hours. +Four! What is it out there, anyway? Forty-five knots? +What's... Blair. He's gone berserk. +Oh, I got you. Not too long. Then get a move on. Childs, come with me. +How's that Thing get to the dogs? I though we stopped it in time. Copper thinks they swallowed pieces of it during the fight. +Copper thinks they swallowed pieces of it during the fight. And that was enough? +No it ain't there. Would I be asking if it were there? Move it, Palmer. +Sanchez...? Hey, who... Mac, where the hell is that pump!! +Somebody definitely messed with it. We going to make it? +We going to make it? Hope so. Another ten, fifteen minutes. What I don't get is... +Sanchez, you and Palmer search the inside... I ain't going with Sanchez. +What kind of test? I'm sure a lot of you already know. +Tie up Clark, too. He's dead. +He's dead. Norris looked pretty dead, himself. Bullets don't kill these Things. +How we going to try and find out who's... you know, who's who? Can you think of any other tests? +Where were the flashlights? Screw the flashlights. Where the hell were you? +We've got to find Fuchs. When we find him -- we kill him. Why? +Why? If he's one of those Things, we've got to get to him before he changes... Nauls, you and Childs and I'll check the outside shacks... +What if it doesn't come? It'll come. It needs us. We're the only thing left to imitate... Give me a hand. +He might just wait us out. I'm going to blow the generator when you get back. He'll have to come for us -- or freeze. +That thing's too smart to be hiding any more of its clothes, MacReady. Just keep looking. +This storm do that? Couldn't be possible. Must have weighted a ton and a half... +... Hey, somebody! Open up, it's me, MacReady... ... Come on, damn it... The towline snapped. Been crawling around like a seal out here... Bullshit! He's got to know damn well I cut it! +We're going to draw a little bit of everybody's blood. What are you going to do? Drink it? +What are you going to do? Drink it? Watching Norris in there... gave me the idea that maybe every part of you bastards is a whole. Every piece of you is self-sufficient, an animal unto itself. When a man bleeds it's just tissue. But blood from one of you Things won't obey. It's a newly formed individual with a built-in desire to protect its own life. When attacked, your blood will try and survive -- and crawl away from a hot needle say. +What is it? Everything that's been missing. +Where was he trying to go? Anyplace but here. +What about Childs? Forget about Childs. He's over. +You and Nauls got to block off the west side bunks, the mess hall and the kitchen. You crazy? He might be inside already? +You crazy? He might be inside already? Chance we got to take. We got to force him to come down the east side to the door we got rigged. +Get back!! The generator! +The generator! Screw the generator!! +Got Sanchez... World War Three wouldn't mess with this fucker... Can go through walls... And it's like all over the place... Calm down and get in your position. +Calm down and get in your position. Position, my ass... +Maybe it ain't coming. Then we go after him. +Then we go after him. Bet the last place you ever go. +You jerking off or just pissed? We got any more of those electronic chess things down in supply? +We got any more of those electronic chess things down in supply? Get your gear on. +Get your gear on. What for? +Magnesium of some type... or some kind of strange alloy. And those poor dumb bastards had to go and blow the hell out of it. So what do you make of it? +So what do you make of it? You know damn well what we both make of it. +You know damn well what we both make of it. No chance it could have been some new kind of test craft? +Somebody else sure as hell thought so. Who else could have used that key? +We should sleep in shifts. Right. Half of us awake at all times. +What's happened?! MacReady, that you? +MacReady, that you? Yeah! +Yeah! It's the generator I think! No power. +It's the generator I think! No power. Well, let's get down there. +... Made sure I got ahead of him on the towline on the way back... cut him loose. MacReady...? +MacReady...? He's one of them. +He's one of them. When do you think it got to him? +You hear that? Hear what? +It's got into the pub! It's turned on the stereo! What?! +What?! It's in between us and them!! How we going to get back?! +It's in between us and them!! How we going to get back?! Can't hear you. +It must have been hard, leaving your work. The journey is part of my work. +Now how did you get hurt? I had an accident. +I had an accident. I figured that. What kind of accident? +What do you do on the towers? On the towers? +On the towers? I'm training to be a high climber. +Ah... no. Don't tell me you're a mud carrier. +Don't tell me you're a mud carrier. 'Fraid so. Just a regular old... mud carrier. +... Thousands and thousands of people. And sometimes we live in great buildings that reach up five or ten stories. And everyone looks like us? +And everyone looks like us? Exactly like you. Well, maybe not as healthy. +She didn't want me to be a climber. She wanted me to be a planner like her. I'm so sorry, Kalen. +How can they just go back to work as if nothing happened? What else can they do? +What else can they do? Kalen... Do you have any idea where they take them? +Kalen... Do you have any idea where they take them? We're not supposed to think about it. But I dream about it sometimes... +There's a place that might help... we could try going there. Where? +Where? The Hall of Books. +The Hall of Books. You have books?! Kalen, you've got to take me there. There might be history. Records. Something to help us find where the Morlocks took -- +You have books?! Kalen, you've got to take me there. There might be history. Records. Something to help us find where the Morlocks took -- I shouldn't have mentioned it. We can't go there. +No one ever comes here. My mother told me stories about it late at night. They tell all the children. What kind of stories? +What kind of stories? About the voice in the darkness. About the ghosts... +I had a friend who came here once. Sort of a dare. What happened? +What happened? He came back screaming... He never talked about it after that. I don't think he even got this far. +I think we should go on by ourselves. No... +No... Please, just listen to me... Your mother would be very cross with me if you got hurt. I'll find her. +Please, just listen to me... Your mother would be very cross with me if you got hurt. I'll find her. But you're only a mud carrier. +But you're only a mud carrier. I'll be all right... You go back to the village and light the fire. So we can find our way home. +... Well, you wanted to see it. This is it? +This is it? Around here. +Yes. Just about here. But there's nothing here. +Right up your alley, I would think. You are from the past, yes? How did you know?! +How did you know?! I can smell carcinogens and industrial pollutants on your skin that have not been known here for -- -- 800,000 years perhaps. Don't keep me in suspense. What year? +I can smell carcinogens and industrial pollutants on your skin that have not been known here for -- -- 800,000 years perhaps. Don't keep me in suspense. What year? 1899. +1899. I must say, you look remarkably good. You don't want a book then? +I must say, you look remarkably good. You don't want a book then? What are you? +What are you? I'm the librarian. I've always been the librarian. +I'm the librarian. I've always been the librarian. I know you -- you're an automaton of some sort that -- +I know you -- you're an automaton of some sort that -- "An ""automaton""?! Please! I'm a biomechanical organism. Well, what's left of one. What's left of all of them, actually. I am the last... ... And ""these fragments I have shored against my ruins."" T.S. Eliot. You wouldn't know him yet but you'll just love him, he's divine, if a little dour. Very shy though... hiding over here..." +Sir... have you a name? I am called Vox... ... Now you are Eloi. +Please, we need your help. The Morlocks have taken -- Morlocks -- +Morlocks -- You know of them? +You know of them? Who doesn't know the Morlocks? +Who doesn't know the Morlocks? Do you know where they live? +Do you know where they live? Oh yes... They found our knowledge useful for a time. They used us much as your people did. Then they decided they had learned enough so they tore us up for spare parts. +Oh yes... They found our knowledge useful for a time. They used us much as your people did. Then they decided they had learned enough so they tore us up for spare parts. But you escaped. +But you escaped. I was lucky. The others weren't. +I was lucky. The others weren't. How have you survived so long? +Regenerating fission reactor, you wouldn't understand. It's power is well beyond your neanderthal cranial capacity. Can you show us where they live? +We need your help. Why should I help you? You primates -- you great, lumbering, hairy animals, drenched in blood from the moment of your hideous conception -- what have you ever used knowledge for but destruction and bloodshed! A little bit of learning and you lay waste to the world! You're no better than the Morlocks! +Because you'll never die. Excuse me? +Excuse me? You'll live like this forever. Alone. You were meant to help. To be with people. Not like this. +So, Relic, you want to open Pandora's box, do you? See all the mysteries exposed? Yes. +Yes. And if the truth is so horrible that it will haunt your dreams for all time? +And if the truth is so horrible that it will haunt your dreams for all time? I'm used to that. +When was his mother taken? Last night. +Last night. Send him away. +Send him away. What? +What? Send him home. You don't want him to see it. +Send him home. You don't want him to see it. Kalen... hold on a minute. +My God... I saw this. It frightens you. +It frightens you. Yes... +Yes... It was meant to. +So, do we go on? Yes. +Yes. Aren't you a plucky little -- ? +Aren't you a plucky little -- ? Oh, shut up. +It's what they want you to see. This is the way in? +This is the way in? Yes... Are you sure you want to do this? +Yes... Are you sure you want to do this? Yes. But you've done enough. Thank you for your help... I hope someday people read your books again. +In for a penny, in for a pound. Do you know that saying? Yes... Thank you. +Machines? Yes. +Yes. Do you know which way? +Vox? This way. +What's it all for? The air... the power. +The air... the power. Why did they built it? +Why did they built it? The Morlocks didn't build this. +Alexander... Listen to me, it was wrong to bring you. You're not going to find what you're looking for. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Trust me... You don't want to see any more. +They raise them like cattle... Feed them until they're ready and then hunt them. No... +No... How are your dreams now? +This has to end. End...? +End...? This has to end. +Vox -- Imagine that... seems that little devil got my power relays... +Takes a licking but keeps on ticking... ... For a while anyway. What can I do? Tell me what to do. +What can I do? Tell me what to do. Nothing to do, I'm afraid. I'm just a librarian after all. Wasn't exactly made for all this swashbuckling. Very Byronic end, though. I appreciate that. Do you know Byron? +Nothing to do, I'm afraid. I'm just a librarian after all. Wasn't exactly made for all this swashbuckling. Very Byronic end, though. I appreciate that. Do you know Byron? Vox... +Vox... I'm babbling. Good to have someone to talk to for a change... But you need to go. Take her out of here... ... I don't have long. +I'm babbling. Good to have someone to talk to for a change... But you need to go. Take her out of here... ... I don't have long. I won't leave you like this. +I won't leave you like this. Go back to the light. You weren't made for this. I was... I was made for this moment. +Go back to the light. You weren't made for this. I was... I was made for this moment. I don't understand. +I don't understand. I'm going to end it, Alexander. As we discussed... +Now get out of my sight, you hideous primate. I'll never forget this. +I'll never forget this. I should hope not... ... Alexander... Make them read my books. Tell them who they are. Who they could be. +I should hope not... ... Alexander... Make them read my books. Tell them who they are. Who they could be. I will... +What's your name? Alexander. +Alexander. Well, Alexander, as a fellow scientist I know you have a thousand questions -- +Well, Alexander, as a fellow scientist I know you have a thousand questions -- You came underground when the world was ending above. And you evolved. Some into the Morlocks and others -- +You came underground when the world was ending above. And you evolved. Some into the Morlocks and others -- No, we created the Morlocks. +No, we created the Morlocks. Created? +Created? You wouldn't understand. We genetically engineered the Morlock class to serve our needs. +You wouldn't understand. We genetically engineered the Morlock class to serve our needs. As slaves. +As slaves. To work the machines and build the tunnels. You can't imagine what it was like when it all started. We survived for millennia, scraping the lichen and microscopic organisms from the rock with our teeth and digging for water with our nails. Endlessly. For generations. And we... became. +And centuries later when we tried to emerge into the sun again, we couldn't. Our adaptation was too successful. We survived... we endured... for this. How do you control the Morlocks? +How do you control the Morlocks? We make them see what we wish. +We make them see what we wish. How? +How? As our bodies atrophied our minds... compensated. +And what of the Eloi? They survived above. Became what they are. +They survived above. Became what they are. No... they didn't survive only to be your food. You did that. +No... they didn't survive only to be your food. You did that. "I'm afraid your indignation is lost here. I have no more ""human"" response to the Eloi then you would have to a carrot. It's just how we live now." +"I'm afraid your indignation is lost here. I have no more ""human"" response to the Eloi then you would have to a carrot. It's just how we live now." But this is barbaric! Have you completely lost all sense of -- +But this is barbaric! Have you completely lost all sense of -- And who are you, Alexander? Who are you to question thousands of years of evolution? This is the world now. I am fact. +And who are you, Alexander? Who are you to question thousands of years of evolution? This is the world now. I am fact. It can't all be like this... +What? Go back to where you came from. Or die here. +Go back to where you came from. Or die here. Why would you let me go back? +Why would you let me go back? Because the past is immutable. Frozen. Dead... And you are the past. +Say I just come back again? Alexander, yours is a world of brocade and velvet, not tooth and claw. Why would you come back to this? To save a few cattle? No. +Alexander, yours is a world of brocade and velvet, not tooth and claw. Why would you come back to this? To save a few cattle? No. I could tell them. Warm them of what's to come. +Why? We have lost the capacity to reproduce. But the species must continue. +We have lost the capacity to reproduce. But the species must continue. So you take their best... +So you take their best... When a creature shows too much independent thought we remove them from the gene pool. We're breeding them for submission. Soon they will be fully domesticated. +When a creature shows too much independent thought we remove them from the gene pool. We're breeding them for submission. Soon they will be fully domesticated. You took her because she helped me. +You took her because she helped me. Yes. Initiative and daring are not desirable traits in the Eloi. But you should be happy for her. She won't remember the creature she was. She will... become. +She won't remember you. None of them will. You will be forgotten. That is how history works. A man can change his history. +A man can change his history. After all you've seen... after man's entire journey... you still believe that? +Now will you go? No... +If I can only find the right door... the lady or the tiger... No... +No... It's always the tiger for you, Alexander, haven't you learned that by now?... +That was a foolish thing to do. I'm a foolish man. +I could have a hundred Morlocks here in thirty seconds. I know. +I know. Does this prove something to you? Have you made some great stand of which I'm unaware? +I'm tired of running. Oh, you won't be running for long... +But you've earned a reward for your valor. I think you should become. You'll like it here. Once you get used to the darkness. I don't think that's going to happen. +I don't think that's going to happen. And why not? +And why not? Because... +It's spectacular... Thanks. Old Nell's my girl all right. Al least when she decides to move, stubborn beast. +Thanks. Old Nell's my girl all right. Al least when she decides to move, stubborn beast. I've only read about them -- and the new internals. +I've only read about them -- and the new internals. Now that's what I call plain crazy -- internal combustion is just too dangerous, all those little explosions, never catch on. +Now that's what I call plain crazy -- internal combustion is just too dangerous, all those little explosions, never catch on. How do you keep the water temperature stable? +How do you keep the water temperature stable? There's a cantilevered gasket on the -- +God -- could have killed me -- bad girl, Nell! How did you know to do that? I just love mechanical things. +I just love mechanical things. Well, much obliged -- I'm always forgetting the confounded brake -- say, if you wait until I get her up and running I'll give you a perambulation. Tell you all about her. +Well, much obliged -- I'm always forgetting the confounded brake -- say, if you wait until I get her up and running I'll give you a perambulation. Tell you all about her. Ahhh... I'm afraid I've got a prior commitment. +Ahhh... I'm afraid I've got a prior commitment. Next time then. We perambulate here most every night. +Next time then. We perambulate here most every night. You have my word... ... She's just a beauty. +May I help you? I -- what are you?! +I -- what are you?! I am the Fifth Avenue Public Library informational kiosk. VOX registration NY-114. May I help you? +I am the Fifth Avenue Public Library informational kiosk. VOX registration NY-114. May I help you? What's happening to the moon?! +The 2005 terraforming demolitions for the lunar excavations sent the moon into a diminishing retrograde orbit resulting in global gravitational fluctuations, increased seismic activity and tidal anomalies. Can I tell you more? No -- wait -- the moon's falling out of orbit -- that's not possible! +No -- wait -- the moon's falling out of orbit -- that's not possible! Well, considering it is, in fact, happening, I would assume it's possible. The retrograde orbit began in 2005 when the demolitions for the lunar colonies -- +Well, considering it is, in fact, happening, I would assume it's possible. The retrograde orbit began in 2005 when the demolitions for the lunar colonies -- Why is it -- breaking up? +Why is it -- breaking up? I was getting to that... The moon has reached the gravitational Roche Limit, 7,300 miles above the surface of the Earth. This has created pressure on the lunar stratum beyond gravitational tolerances. It might be helpful to know that the nearest public evacuation shelters can be found at Grand Central Station, Madison Square Garden -- +You're late. Got here as soon as I could. +Got here as soon as I could. Dance with me... +Dance with me... You know I can't. +You know I can't. Trust me... +You promised me flowers. What? +What? You promised me flowers tonight, don't you even remember? +You promised me flowers tonight, don't you even remember? Sorry... I was distracted. +Sorry... I was distracted. Well there's something new. +Well there's something new. I need to... um... talk to you. +I need to... um... talk to you. Talk away, Professor. +Talk away, Professor. Not here... alone. May we? Please? +... Orion's belt, pointing to the earth. You see it over the rocks there? Sailors consider that an omen of good fortune; the hunter watching over them on their travels... Are you listening to me, Alex? What? Yes -- Orion -- good fortune -- sailors. +What? Yes -- Orion -- good fortune -- sailors. All right, what is it now? +All right, what is it now? Emma, you know I have great... admiration for you. +Emma, you know I have great... admiration for you. Admiration? My my. +Admiration? My my. I mean... well... affection. +I mean... well... affection. You're getting warmer. +Oh dammit, I love you! I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think, all I do is moon over you and -- hum, apparently. And what do you propose, Professor? Shall we hold a seminar to study the problem? +You know, the moment is rather dying here. Hold on... I know I have it... +I know it's not a diamond but -- A moonstone. +A moonstone. Your birth stone. I thought -- +You're late. Got here as soon as I could. +Got here as soon as I could. Dance with me... +Dance with me... You know I can't. +You know I can't. Trust me... +Alex, what is it? Holding you... again. +Holding you... again. Darling. +Darling. I need... to talk to you. +I need... to talk to you. All right... +All right... Not here... alone. Please. +Let's walk through the park... No... let's walk through the city. +No... let's walk through the city. All right... +Alex, what is it? Nothing -- let's just get out of the park. +Alex...?! Shhh. Let's just hurry on here. We don't have to talk, all right? +Why do we have to race for heaven's sake?! I want to get into the light, that's all. Please... +My God... Alex, it's just the zoo. +You're so pale... I hope you're not coming down with something. No, I'm fine. I'm... ... wonderful. Just walking down the street with you again. +No, I'm fine. I'm... ... wonderful. Just walking down the street with you again. We took a walk three days ago. +We took a walk three days ago. Not like this. Never like this. Emma, I swear to you -- if I've learned one thing, it's that moments like this are rare. And I will thank God for them every moment of every day. +They are rare... ... Orion's belt, pointing to the earth -- The sailor's omen of good fortune. The hunter watching over him on his travels. +The sailor's omen of good fortune. The hunter watching over him on his travels. So it's astronomy now, is it? +Heavens, look at that now! I've seen it. +Now I know you're ill -- passing up the chance to explore some new gadget. It's only a machine. +Alex... people are staring. Let them. +Let them. I have something for you... +... The point is I know it will work once the, um, numbers and such are in order. Do you know you were humming? +Do you know you were humming? I was not. +I was not. "Somewhere around ""D+2xy something something.""" +"Somewhere around ""D+2xy something something.""" Damned if I can keep her out of my equations. +Damned if I can keep her out of my equations. Tonight's the night? +Tonight's the night? God, and I'm running late -- +... One day he'll be discovered by some future archeologists and they won't know what to make of him. The thick brow, so lacking in imagination. The dim little eyes, devoid of curiosity. You know generally teachers are supposed to teach real equations that add up to real numbers. +You know generally teachers are supposed to teach real equations that add up to real numbers. Where's the challenge in that? +Where's the challenge in that? Alex, this is your first year as an associate professor. You might want to play things a little more conservatively. +Alex, this is your first year as an associate professor. You might want to play things a little more conservatively. You sound like my father... +Look at them, Philby, all alike, everyone in an identical bowler hat. Do you want your students to turn out like them? I want my students to emerge with theoretical and practical knowledge. +I want my students to emerge with theoretical and practical knowledge. I don't. I want them to run along this street and knock off every bowler they see. +I don't. I want them to run along this street and knock off every bowler they see. You may not like it, but this is the world we live in, Alex. Little grey men with little grey hats. +You may not like it, but this is the world we live in, Alex. Little grey men with little grey hats. But shouldn't it be better? Shouldn't we be teaching our students to imagine a world beyond all this? +In the future, we'll be better. What? +What? Nothing. +Emma actually likes chalk dust -- says it smells like me. How romantic... +The most able inventor I know and you can't tie a simple four-in- hand. That's how I knew we were destined to be together. When I met her parents for the first time I came right from class and I was covered in chalk. They sniffed and snorted, but she just smiled. At that moment -- I just knew. How did you know with Molly? +That's how I knew we were destined to be together. When I met her parents for the first time I came right from class and I was covered in chalk. They sniffed and snorted, but she just smiled. At that moment -- I just knew. How did you know with Molly? She made the best Shepherd's pie I ever tasted. +She made the best Shepherd's pie I ever tasted. Do you have a romantic bone in your body? +Do you have a romantic bone in your body? No, I'm all bowler hat, remember? +Alex, really... good luck tonight. She's a fine girl, and she's done wonderful things for you. Oh? +Oh? She's gotten into your equations. +All these clocks -- how can you constantly be running late?! Perseverance. +I've been working. I came by the house every day after the funeral. And then every week. Then every other month. Then I stopped coming. Did you even notice? +I came by the house every day after the funeral. And then every week. Then every other month. Then I stopped coming. Did you even notice? I'm sorry, David. +I'm sorry, David. It hurt me, Alex. Very much. +It hurt me, Alex. Very much. Then why are you here? +It's my Jamie's birthday today. Your godson. He's nine years old. At his party he asked me if Uncle Alex was coming. I told him no. Then he asked me if you didn't like him anymore. For God's Sake, David -- +For God's Sake, David -- There are some things I need to say to you. You may not like hearing them, but I don't know if I'll ever get another chance -- +There are some things I need to say to you. You may not like hearing them, but I don't know if I'll ever get another chance -- You care for me. And you're concerned. And I have to start living my life again. I hear it from Mrs. Watchit every day. +You care for me. And you're concerned. And I have to start living my life again. I hear it from Mrs. Watchit every day. But you won't listen. You won't see me, you won't see anyone. What would you like me to tell Jamie? That Uncle Alex is busy? That Uncle Alex is hiding up there in his laboratory -- +But you won't listen. You won't see me, you won't see anyone. What would you like me to tell Jamie? That Uncle Alex is busy? That Uncle Alex is hiding up there in his laboratory -- Hiding? +Hiding? You know that's what it is. Mrs. Watchit tells me you're here at all hours -- day and night -- +You know that's what it is. Mrs. Watchit tells me you're here at all hours -- day and night -- That's because I'm working. You remember that? You used to care about your work. +That's because I'm working. You remember that? You used to care about your work. I care more about my life. And yours. +What happened to Emma will never go away. It's part of you now and it always will be. But you have to learn to live with it... I live with it every minute of every day. +I live with it every minute of every day. I know that -- +I know that -- You don't know that. You couldn't possibly. If I'd only done this, or that, if I'd arrived ten minutes earlier, or later. If we'd taken a different path or I hadn't fought the man for the ring. You have no idea what it is to relive every moment of that night -- consider every action you made -- and every one of them wrong. +You don't know that. You couldn't possibly. If I'd only done this, or that, if I'd arrived ten minutes earlier, or later. If we'd taken a different path or I hadn't fought the man for the ring. You have no idea what it is to relive every moment of that night -- consider every action you made -- and every one of them wrong. It wasn't your fault, Alex. +It wasn't your fault, Alex. Wasn't it?... I have a dream almost every night now. The Lady and the Tiger, you remember that story? In the dream I'm alone in a huge chamber with a thousand doors. Behind every door, save one, is a tiger. I have to make the decision. Which door conceals Emma? And I just stand there... looking at the doors... +Wasn't it?... I have a dream almost every night now. The Lady and the Tiger, you remember that story? In the dream I'm alone in a huge chamber with a thousand doors. Behind every door, save one, is a tiger. I have to make the decision. Which door conceals Emma? And I just stand there... looking at the doors... Do you find her? +Alex, nothing will ever change what happened, but -- That's where you're wrong. I will change it. +David... I appreciate your concern, I do. But I ask you to have faith in me. Just for a little while longer. I'm working on something now. Something... extraordinary. What is it? +What is it? You wouldn't believe me. +You wouldn't believe me. I would. +I would. I'll tell you what... come by for dinner in a week and I'll show you. +I'll tell you what... come by for dinner in a week and I'll show you. Why don't you come to our house instead? +Why don't you come to our house instead? I can't do that -- +I can't do that -- When's the last time you were outside this house -- -- or this room? +When's the last time you were outside this house -- -- or this room? I can't leave when I'm so close. +I can't leave when I'm so close. There are trains leaving Grand Central every then minutes. A dozen liners leaving the harbor. Get on one of them. Go to Singapore, Scotland, Manchuria, anywhere, just away from here -- +There are trains leaving Grand Central every then minutes. A dozen liners leaving the harbor. Get on one of them. Go to Singapore, Scotland, Manchuria, anywhere, just away from here -- That's absurd -- +That's absurd -- You're dying here. Don't you see that?! +You won't say that in a week. I pray to God that in a week you're not here. +All right. I'll come for dinner. And in the meantime... you'll think about what we discussed? In a week... we will never have had this conversation. +Good night, David. Good night, Alex. +And this would be my study. There was an elm tree outside the window then. I'm glad. +This... was my home. His home. +Couldn't help but overhearing. Two fine young people starting out on the road of life. I wish you the very best. Thank you... +Thank you... I hope it's a happy journey for you both -- and much as I hate to do this, moved as I am by your protestations of love, I'll be needing your money now. +I hope it's a happy journey for you both -- and much as I hate to do this, moved as I am by your protestations of love, I'll be needing your money now. Sir...? +Sir...? And your jewelry too. I guess we could consider this your first little bump on the road to married bliss. +And your jewelry too. I guess we could consider this your first little bump on the road to married bliss. I don't understand. +Did you hear me, lad? All right, all right -- here -- everything -- +You're up! You must be feeling better -- Yes... +How long did you travel? Well it seems like a long time -- but it wasn't really. It's rather hard to explain. +Yes. Thank you. +Is there a lot of illness? Some. But I mean we aren't all so... handsome. +His curiosity is amazing. Mm. +Kalen will tire you out if you let him. He's always been curious. His father was firm with him but... it's just his way. Your husband is dead? +Your husband is dead? He's gone to a better place. +It's hard for me to imagine a better place. Where I come from there's so much... frenzy. Day and night. It seems we're all running faster and faster... ... All in identical bowler hats. You're not from beyond the valley. +You're not from beyond the valley. What makes you say that? +We don't have anything like this. Or the machine where Kalen found you. And I doubt they do beyond the valley... Now where do you come from? You might find the truth rather hard to understand. +You might find the truth rather hard to understand. Then you can speak slowly. +Oh, that explains everything. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. +I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. That machine -- +That machine -- Allowed me to travel from my time to yours. +Allowed me to travel from my time to yours. How long ago? +How long ago? More than 800,000 years. +Why? Why not? +Why not? Why would you do that? +I might find the truth rather hard to understand?... Can you go back? Yes. Or forward into the future. I suppose I really should check on the machine, see that it hasn't been damaged... +Yes. Or forward into the future. I suppose I really should check on the machine, see that it hasn't been damaged... I'll take you tomorrow... You must have seen a lot on your journey. +I'll take you tomorrow... You must have seen a lot on your journey. For a time it was astounding. I saw the years spinning by, I was in the years spinning by. We made such advances. I don't understand half of them. There was a machine that talked to me and others that flew through the sky... We must have been incredible thinkers and artists -- +Is he all right? Just a dream. You should sleep too. You're still not well. +I'm going to sit with Kalen. Keep the fire burning if you can. I will... +I'll take you to your machine tomorrow. Thank you... +You seem fascinated by the stars. You can see so many here. +You can see so many here. Don't then have stars where you come from? +Don't then have stars where you come from? Not like this... They don't seem so bright with all the city lights. I never really noticed them much... +Good night, then. Good night. +Mara, I had a strange dream last night. I was here, walking through a forest very much like this, and then... Then you came to a desert and mountains... +Then you came to a desert and mountains... Yes. +Yes. And you saw a shape ahead of you... +And you saw a shape ahead of you... Yes! +Yes! We all have that dream. +We all have that dream. All of you? +All of you? Every night. +Every night. You share dreams? That's incredible. +You share dreams? That's incredible. We share everything. +This is magnificent... Thank you. +Thank you. "And this is your ""work""?" +"And this is your ""work""?" Yes. +The mud carriers. I can see Kalen's point. +I can see Kalen's point. Want to be a high climber now, do you? +Want to be a high climber now, do you? What you need is an engineer. If you set up a system of pulleys and counterweights, some basic block and tackle mechanism, you could to this a lot more easily. +What you need is an engineer. If you set up a system of pulleys and counterweights, some basic block and tackle mechanism, you could to this a lot more easily. It's not supposed to be easy, it's supposed to be beautiful. +It's not supposed to be easy, it's supposed to be beautiful. What's it all for? +What's it all for? I don't understand. +I don't understand. I mean, why do you do it? What purpose does it serve? +I mean, why do you do it? What purpose does it serve? It has no purpose. It's just beautiful... Does everything have a purpose where you come from? +It has no purpose. It's just beautiful... Does everything have a purpose where you come from? Most things. We're very high on purpose. +Most things. We're very high on purpose. It's always been this way here. We work on the towers all our lives. When we're young we train to be planners or climbers or sculptors... +It's always been this way here. We work on the towers all our lives. When we're young we train to be planners or climbers or sculptors... Or mud carriers. +Or mud carriers. And there's no shame to that. It's all the same here. Everyone has an important job to do. We all work together and couldn't survive without each other. +And there's no shame to that. It's all the same here. Everyone has an important job to do. We all work together and couldn't survive without each other. What are you? +What are you? I'm a planner. I help decide where the new towers go and what they should look like. +I'm a planner. I help decide where the new towers go and what they should look like. How do you decide? +How do you decide? I try to imagine how they'll look when they're done. I try to imagine how we'll fit in with them... our place in the world. +... It was a great city. The greatest city in the world. You liked it there. +You liked it there. Oh, very much... ... I used to work somewhere in that direction, I think. A huge university where we taught everything from botany to history to literature. +Oh, very much... ... I used to work somewhere in that direction, I think. A huge university where we taught everything from botany to history to literature. Learning was important? +Learning was important? Oh very. Learning, commerce, the arts -- the whole place was buzzing all the time. Night and day. +Oh very. Learning, commerce, the arts -- the whole place was buzzing all the time. Night and day. Did you have fires at night? +Did you have fires at night? Only to keep warm. For illumination we had gaslights on most of the streets and a new invention called electrical lighting that made it seem like daylight all through the night. +Only to keep warm. For illumination we had gaslights on most of the streets and a new invention called electrical lighting that made it seem like daylight all through the night. It must have been safe. +It must have been safe. Oh, it was... ... Most of the time. +Oh, it was... ... Most of the time. It sounds like a wonderful place to live. +It sounds like a wonderful place to live. Looking back... I suppose it was. I didn't quite realize it at the time but... +Alexander...? Orion's belt... +Those rocks, over there... they're the same... this is... Central Park. You know this? +You know this? Over there was Fifth Avenue -- and the Plaza Hotel was there... this is... the carriage path. We're on the carriage path. +This is where my journey started... right here. You lost someone. +You lost someone. Yes. +Yes. Someone you loved very much. +Someone you loved very much. Yes... After her death, it was intolerable for me here... The future had to be better. +Yes... After her death, it was intolerable for me here... The future had to be better. Is it? +Is it? If you only knew... +You've welcomed me into your home. Into your lives. Everyone has... For the first time in a long time it doesn't hurt quite so much. I thank you for that. I know what it is to lose someone. When my husband was taken from us... I thought the pain would never end. +Good -- it looks fine. We had quite a ride together... It's undamaged? +It's undamaged? Yes... a little scorching on the upholstery but otherwise all ship- shape. +Yes... a little scorching on the upholstery but otherwise all ship- shape. So you can use it now? +So you can use it now? Yes... I suppose so. +Yes... I suppose so. Go back to your own time? +Go back to your own time? I could... +Alexander, take my son away. Take him back to your time. Will you do that? Mara -- +Mara -- Please, I beg you. Take him away from here -- +Kalen... Mara...? +Mara...? No! +Mara -- what -- ?! Kalen -- we have to get Kalen -- ! +It was different then. My laboratory was about... here. And the kitchen was over there, where that tree is. Mrs. Watchit wouldn't allow me in much... but, yes, this is about the kitchen. +Oh huzzah, the master's home. Do you have it?! +Do you have it?! Hello, Mr. Philby. +Don't torture me -- do you have it? I have it, but don't you think for one moment I'll be letting you go out in that filthy coat -- now go upstairs and change. I've laid out your green coat. +I have it, but don't you think for one moment I'll be letting you go out in that filthy coat -- now go upstairs and change. I've laid out your green coat. What's the matter with -- ? -- What would I do without you, Mrs. Watchit? +Now that's more like it. You look a proper gentlemen for once. Then if Emma turns me down will you marry me? +Then if Emma turns me down will you marry me? Oh, I'm already swooning. +Oh, I'm already swooning. Ouch -- all right, wish me luck. +Sir, Mr. Philby is here. Here? +Here? Yes, sir, he -- +Yes, sir, he -- Tell him to go away -- +All right, Mrs. Watchit. You can go. May I get you some -- +May I get you some -- That'll be all. +Dr. Philby, Dr. Hartdegen. I received the most extraordinary letter last week. From a parent. We are always pleased to receive letters from parents. They are our employers, after all. This gentleman's son is in your class, Dr. Hartdegen. I see. +I see. "As I recall the syllabus the name of your tutorial is ""Applied Mathematics and Engineering"", am I correct?" +"As I recall the syllabus the name of your tutorial is ""Applied Mathematics and Engineering"", am I correct?" Exactly correct, sir. +Well, just as I thought. Surely it's all been a terrible mistake. This parent actually suggested that your freshman course in applied mathematics has somehow become a seminar on theoretical physics! Imagine that. +Imagine that. But I know that none of my faculty would ever deviate from the assigned curriculum. +But I know that none of my faculty would ever deviate from the assigned curriculum. "Well... perhaps I have ""deviated"" the tiniest bit." +"Well... perhaps I have ""deviated"" the tiniest bit." Might I ask why? +Might I ask why? Because the assigned curriculum is boring. +Sir, that curriculum is forty years out of date. The students today are looking toward the new century -- they want to be challenged and inspired, not spoon-fed dusty old equations that have been proved a thousand times. They want to explore. Do they? +And roosters. "No, Dr. Hartdegen, they are not just chickens and roosters. They are science. Perhaps they aren't ""inspiring"" to you. Perhaps they don't ""challenge"" you --" +"No, Dr. Hartdegen, they are not just chickens and roosters. They are science. Perhaps they aren't ""inspiring"" to you. Perhaps they don't ""challenge"" you --" No, sir -- +No, sir -- Animal husbandry is science, Dr. Hartdegen. I have been breeding these fowl for fourteen years. I have filled a library with information on their feeding patterns, social behavior and breeding. Empirical, exacting, quantifiable records. +Animal husbandry is science, Dr. Hartdegen. I have been breeding these fowl for fourteen years. I have filled a library with information on their feeding patterns, social behavior and breeding. Empirical, exacting, quantifiable records. Sir -- +With respect, sir, would we have the telegraph without fantasy? Would we have radium and X-rays without someone first dreaming we could? The advances you speak of were the result of countless years of study and empirical experimentation, a careful evolutionary process, not chalkboard parlor-tricks. +The advances you speak of were the result of countless years of study and empirical experimentation, a careful evolutionary process, not chalkboard parlor-tricks. My equations are not parlor-tricks! +My equations are not parlor-tricks! "Abstract mathematics, relativity of dimensions, geometrical ""durations"" -- even allowing for the uses of speculation, what is the point?" +"Abstract mathematics, relativity of dimensions, geometrical ""durations"" -- even allowing for the uses of speculation, what is the point?" Because it's a new way of seeing the world! Of seeing our place in it! +Yes, sir. Very good. Now if you will excuse us for a moment. +And hungry, I'd say. You had such a long journey. I did... +I did... Well, we're happy you're here. Come inside. +"""Eloi""?" What are your people called? +What are your people called? Well, I guess you'd call us... New Yorkers. +Well, I guess you'd call us... New Yorkers. New Yorkers. +We had another visitor from beyond the valley about four years ago. His name was Moren. Do you know him? No... +No... He said he traveled for two months. +He said he traveled for two months. I took a different route. +Oh, very different. But not entirely... I mean we have lots of, um, trees and such. But not everywhere. And more roads. And buildings. Why? +Why? To live in. There's a lot of us... beyond the valley. +To live in. There's a lot of us... beyond the valley. New Yorkers. +New Yorkers. Yes. I hope you won't take this the wrong way but is there someone older I could talk to? An elder or patriarch of some kind? +I am the oldest. No, I mean someone considerably older. Your father perhaps? +No, I mean someone considerably older. Your father perhaps? My father has gone to a better place. +My father has gone to a better place. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... +I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... Of course. You're just tired. Mara, will you look after Alexander tonight? +Good morning, Alexander. Feeling up to some work? I suppose so. +Where do they take them?! We don't know. +We don't know. We have to go after them, find where -- ! +We have to go after them, find where -- ! Alexander, I know you're trying to help. But they don't come back. +Alexander, I know you're trying to help. But they don't come back. What do you mean?! +What do you mean?! They've gone to a better place. +They've gone to a better place. You know that's not true. +You know that's not true. We choose to believe it. +We choose to believe it. My God! How can you just do nothing!? They're your friends, your family. You all knew Mara. You ate with her and worked with her... Your work in the valley, what is that for if not to -- +This is out life, Alexander. It's a hard life but it is how we have always lived. Then it's time to change that -- +Then it's time to change that -- We are what we are. +You won't even try? We can't change the day and the night, Alexander. This is the world. +My fowl have polluted the yard. Dean Fulton... +Sir, if I may -- Young man, we have a way of doing things here. Radical theorizing is not acceptable. Have I made myself understood? +If I might explain, sir -- You supported his application, Dr. Philby. You are his senior, advisor. I depend upon you to restrain his... excesses. Any repetition of the behavior I witnessed in his classroom today and there will be consequences for you both. +You supported his application, Dr. Philby. You are his senior, advisor. I depend upon you to restrain his... excesses. Any repetition of the behavior I witnessed in his classroom today and there will be consequences for you both. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Now you are upsetting my fowl. Please go. +How did you get hurt? Kalen... +Kalen... I found you. I saved your life. You were bleeding all over the place! +I found you. I saved your life. You were bleeding all over the place! That's quite enough, Kalen. +What did you do at night? What's it like where you come from? +We'll see about that. I am. Are you a climber? +I want to see your home. Will you take me? Kalen, right now you need to go up to bed. You're exhausting Alexander. +Kalen, right now you need to go up to bed. You're exhausting Alexander. You'll tell me more tomorrow? +Kalen, it's all right, I'm here -- They're here! They're inside the house -- ! +They're here! They're inside the house -- ! No, you're safe -- +No, you're safe -- They're inside -- +They're inside -- Kalen, look at me. There's no one here but us. You see... I'm here, you're here, Alexander's here. There are no Morlocks. It was just a dream... +Hello, Mrs. Watchit. You're looking in the pink. Must be all the exercise I get scampering up and down these stairs like a wee lamb. +I wonder if that poor girl has any idea what she's in for? For our sake, I hope not. +I don't know what to tell you, sir. He's been gone this whole week. And you've no idea where he went? +And you've no idea where he went? No, sir. +Sir? I'm glad he's gone. Maybe he's finally found a place where he can be happy. +I think I might be. But there'll be some changes made. I run a tight house. I have no doubt of that. I'll come by in the morning and we'll arrange it. Goodnight, Mrs. Watchit. +I have no doubt of that. I'll come by in the morning and we'll arrange it. Goodnight, Mrs. Watchit. Goodnight, Mr. Philby. +You ok? I'm fine. +I'm fine. [Beat] Listen, I hate to bother you... +[Beat] Listen, I hate to bother you... Then don't. +Then don't. But... what about Starks? +But... what about Starks? What about Starks? +What about Starks? Should we be... +Should we be... Should we be what? Trying to change him any way we can? [Beat] Yes. +Should we be what? Trying to change him any way we can? [Beat] Yes. But the Jacket? I mean...should we be leaving him in like that? +Don't get all worked up, Justin. I expected some common sense on your part and clearly I was expecting too much. [Beat] Just open the drawer. We never should have done this to him... +We never should have done this to him... Well, what are we gonna do about it now? +Well, your condition's pretty serious. [Beat] So they say. [Off Becker's steady gaze] What? +[Beat] So they say. [Off Becker's steady gaze] What? I'm just looking at you. Does that make you uncomfortable? +I'm just looking at you. Does that make you uncomfortable? Depends on what you're seeing. +You said you couldn't remember killing Officer Harrison. Correct? [Beat] You don't believe me, do you? +[Beat] You don't believe me, do you? It's not my job to believe you. +He's recovering on the third floor. Are you kidding me? He's not psychotic! +Are you kidding me? He's not psychotic! Then how would you describe him, Beth? Merely rebellious? +I don't know better. All I know is that you left me in there. In where? +In where? [Uncertainly] In that thing...the Jacket. +We were forced to use restrains if that's what you're referring to. That wasn't a fucking restraint. +That wasn't a fucking restraint. Actually, that's exactly what our equipment is. +Relax. Don't act like I don't know what's real. [Beat] I'm not the one that's crazy here. +Don't act like I don't know what's real. [Beat] I'm not the one that's crazy here. [Pointedly] Of course you're not. +You're just suffering from delusions that are unfortunately part of your condition. Don't give me that. I know what's real, goddamnit! You strapped me in something and stuck me in a drawer. +I didn't dream it. I may have been asleep but it wasn't a dream. BECKER sits down in a CHAIR, half-shrouded in the light. I had a patient a few years ago. His name was Ted Casey... +I had a patient a few years ago. His name was Ted Casey... I don't give a shit about your patient! +I don't give a shit about your patient! I wasn't pausing to see if you did. [Beat] But, incidentally, you should, because you're birds of a feather. +We are not birds of a feather. Maybe not. [Beat] But I do think you're in a tree... woofing like a dog. And I'm just trying to help you the only way I can think of. +Long live the Organization for the Organized! Sit down, Mr. Starks! Sit down, Mr. Starks! +Hello, William. I understand you've been asking for me almost every hour. I would've been here sooner but you gave our little state visitor quite a bit to talk to me about. That's too bad. +That's too bad. "It is. But when it comes down to it, you just have to patient with them. They'd rather have their vacation, too, so they just push dealing with our ""practices"" off to the New Year." +"It is. But when it comes down to it, you just have to patient with them. They'd rather have their vacation, too, so they just push dealing with our ""practices"" off to the New Year." They make it hard for you to get away with your business, huh? +They make it hard for you to get away with your business, huh? Temporarily. +And what's that? My business? +My business? Yes. +Yes. Getting away with things. Like whatever I may or may not have gotten away with Officer Harrison. +Getting away with things. Like whatever I may or may not have gotten away with Officer Harrison. You killed him? +I'll say a prayer for you in Church today, Starks. Maybe the Gods can pick up where the medicine left off. You sure you know where to find one? +You sure you know where to find one? I've managed to every Sunday of my life. [Beat] Some of us are God- fearing men, Starks. +I've managed to every Sunday of my life. [Beat] Some of us are God- fearing men, Starks. And what does that mean? +And what does that mean? Means we believe in doing his work and fear what the world would be like if we didn't at least try to. +Becker, how do you sleep at night? You in here. [Beat] Works like a drug. +Who are you? I think you know. Your eyes say you do. +I think you know. Your eyes say you do. [Beat] You're his son? +[Beat] You're his son? No. I'm not his son. I'm him. [Beat] What? You look like you've seen a ghost. You can come here and touch me, old man. I'm the real thing. +No. I'm not his son. I'm him. [Beat] What? You look like you've seen a ghost. You can come here and touch me, old man. I'm the real thing. How...how are you here? +You died, Starks. Years ago, in the hospital. I know. [Beat] You killed me, didn't you? +I know. [Beat] You killed me, didn't you? No. I didn't. I swear I didn't. I probably helped push you to kill yourself, but I didn't do it. +No. I didn't. I swear I didn't. I probably helped push you to kill yourself, but I didn't do it. I didn't kill myself. I died from a blow to the head. How'd it happen? I have to know. +I don't know how you died. The last time I put you in the Jacket was just after you told me you remembered killing that police officer... I didn't say I remembered killing him. I just repeated some words to get myself back in there. +I didn't say I remembered killing him. I just repeated some words to get myself back in there. I know. [Beat] I knew that when you came out. +I know. [Beat] I knew that when you came out. How? +How? Because...because you came out and said something you couldn't have possibly have known. You came back and repeated three names... +Of people like you. People I was just trying to help. They couldn't get worse so I thought, with medication, they might get... Medication? What kind of meds do you chase with nights in a cadaver drawer? +Medication? What kind of meds do you chase with nights in a cadaver drawer? It was part of the treatment I intended...I didn't know what the effects would be... +It was part of the treatment I intended...I didn't know what the effects would be... So, what, you guinea pig sick people to find out? +So, what, you guinea pig sick people to find out? The three of you weren't regular patients. You were criminals that ended up at Alpine Grove. +The three of you weren't regular patients. You were criminals that ended up at Alpine Grove. No, we were patients. +How did you come to know their names? You just told me. The last time I was with you was when I was in the Jacket. I'm in it right now, Dr. Becker. +You just told me. The last time I was with you was when I was in the Jacket. I'm in it right now, Dr. Becker. I don't understand... +I don't understand... I'm in it as we speak. [Beat] You're haunting yourself right now. [Beat] I guess sometimes we indict ourselves if no one else does. You didn't make history like you wanted to, huh, Dr. Becker. It turned out different, didn't it? +I'm in it as we speak. [Beat] You're haunting yourself right now. [Beat] I guess sometimes we indict ourselves if no one else does. You didn't make history like you wanted to, huh, Dr. Becker. It turned out different, didn't it? I didn't put you in Alpine Grove. +I didn't put you in Alpine Grove. No. [Beat] You put me on drugs and then you put me in the Jacket. +Do I know you from somewhere? You may have known my father, William Starks. +That's right! Goddamn, you're the spitting image. I didn't know he had a son. He didn't either. +Did you know my father? Oh yeah, sure. He killed a cop, right? +My father used to talk about you. Oh yeah, what'd he say? +Look here, I don't like you getting in my face and saying this bullshit to me... That's too bad. +That's too bad. I thought you said you never knew your father. +I thought you said you never knew your father. I didn't. [Beat] Did you have anything to do with his death? +I didn't. [Beat] Did you have anything to do with his death? I don't know what you're talking about, man. I swear. This is some weird shit you're telling me... and I don't know how come you're doing it. +He died because he bled to death from a blow to his head. Someone had to have given him it. I never touched your father! I swear! +We're late. I wish they'd skip the formality of this annual review and just cut our budget. Our silence on the matter should be enough to appease the civic conscience without wasting an hour we don't have. +I wish they'd skip the formality of this annual review and just cut our budget. Our silence on the matter should be enough to appease the civic conscience without wasting an hour we don't have. Maybe it's not such a waste. +It's the ticking of a box on a sheet of paper no one cares about. They don't care about all the things we do right. [Beat] But they might ...they might care about what we're doing wrong. [Beat] That's what they should come here to look for. +What should they be looking for? They should just be looking harder. +Where? [Beat] It's Becker isn't it? He's doing stuff, isn't he? Later. I'll tell you about it later. We got a session to catch now. +You look like you've lost some weight. Are you eating? I am. One of the few things I remember doing is eating. So I guess I must be exercising it off in my dreams. +You done with your small talk? Sure. +Sure. Good. +This is really happening, isn't it? [Beat] What do you need me to do? +[Beat] What do you need me to do? [Beat] Thank you. +I need to get this letter to someone. I can't take you out of here in your condition... +I can't take you out of here in your condition... And I can't stay here in my condition. I am going to die tonight. It's already been decided. +And I can't stay here in my condition. I am going to die tonight. It's already been decided. No, it hasn't. +No, it hasn't. Yes. [Beat] It has. Everything up 'till today is done. Everything starting with tomorrow is up for grabs. +I'm sorry I can't tell you more about your father's death, Mr. Starks. Our own medical examiners determined only that he died from a blunt trauma to the head but that was right around the time the Alpine Grove's staff changed and I'm afraid we didn't have the best record system before then. His body was found on January 1, 1993, but do you know if that was long after he had died? +His body was found on January 1, 1993, but do you know if that was long after he had died? No, I don't. I'm sorry. I wish I knew more. +No, I don't. I'm sorry. I wish I knew more. What about Dr. Thomas Becker or Dr. Loel Lorenson? There was also a Dr. Gries, I think. +What about Dr. Thomas Becker or Dr. Loel Lorenson? There was also a Dr. Gries, I think. Well, Dr. Lorenson is still here at the hospital. If she was here at the time your father was, then I'm sure she'd be of more help to you. +Well, Dr. Lorenson is still here at the hospital. If she was here at the time your father was, then I'm sure she'd be of more help to you. What about Dr. Becker and Mr. Gries? +What about Dr. Becker and Mr. Gries? Unfortunately, I'm not familiar with Dr. Becker and Dr. Gries passed away three, four years ago. +Get your fucking hands off my daughter! Mom, he just fixed our car. +Mom, he just fixed our car. Jackie, get in the car. NOW! +I'm sorry? Your face looks awfully familiar, I just can't quite place it... Mom, this is the guy that drove us home that afternoon we were stuck on the highway. The guy you yelled at for no good reason... +Mom, this is the guy that drove us home that afternoon we were stuck on the highway. The guy you yelled at for no good reason... Oh, yeah. +Jackie, go play in the snow. Why? +Why? Just do it. +Come on, mom. Don't fall asleep... You two ok? +You two ok? Our car won't start. +Your mom take anything before this happened? Yeah, but I don't know what. +Yeah, but I don't know what. [Beat] What's your name? +[Beat] What's your name? Jackie. +But I like it I guess. Hey, can you reach the gas pedal? +Hey, can you reach the gas pedal? Yeah. +You're just gonna walk? Yeah, I'll hitch a ride or something. [Beat] Let her throw it all up before she gets back behind the wheel. +What're those? Dog tags. [Off her blank look] They've got your name and date of birth for identification. +Dog tags. [Off her blank look] They've got your name and date of birth for identification. What for? +What for? [Beat] In case you get lost, or can't remember who you are. +I think I can remember what's on them. William Starks. [Beat] Thanks. +What'd you do? Snoop all over the place? You had no right. You had no right to go through anything. [Beat] I know it doesn't make sense. It doesn't even make sense to me. +[Beat] I know it doesn't make sense. It doesn't even make sense to me. If you don't get out of my house right now, I'll call the police. +Jackie, I'm William Starks. I can prove it. What? Now you're gonna show me some kind of driver's license? +What? Now you're gonna show me some kind of driver's license? No, I don't have anything to show you. I'm here from a mental hospital. +No, I don't have anything to show you. I'm here from a mental hospital. Well, you belong in one. +Stop it! Stop it! JACKIE covers her ears and looks at him, pleading with her eyes. STARKS' eyes plead right back. I'm sorry for upsetting you, [beat] but I'm not lying to you. +I'm sorry for upsetting you, [beat] but I'm not lying to you. You can't be William Starks. He's dead. +You can't be William Starks. He's dead. [Beat] What? +[Beat] What? William Starks is dead... [Beat] I've been to his grave. +William Starks is dead... [Beat] I've been to his grave. [Beat] What? +[Beat] What? His body was found New Year's Day, 19...1993. At Alpine... +I looked it up. How? +I gave you my dog tags. No, you didn't. They found William Starks' body dead in the snow. +No, you didn't. They found William Starks' body dead in the snow. How'd he die? +How'd he die? I don't know. But he did die. STARKS falters under the news. JACKIE looks around, through her now blurred eyes, like she might find some help in the apartment. She settles for the BOTTLE of VODKA on the table, lowers the iron fork and takes a long heavy drink, then laughs nervously as she looks up. +I don't know. But he did die. STARKS falters under the news. JACKIE looks around, through her now blurred eyes, like she might find some help in the apartment. She settles for the BOTTLE of VODKA on the table, lowers the iron fork and takes a long heavy drink, then laughs nervously as she looks up. I know what this is...I picked you up when I was drunk and you probably thought I'm just fucked up enough to fall for this. But the thing is I know what I'm doing when I drink. I just usually don't care. Right now, I do though. And I want you out. Now. +I know what this is...I picked you up when I was drunk and you probably thought I'm just fucked up enough to fall for this. But the thing is I know what I'm doing when I drink. I just usually don't care. Right now, I do though. And I want you out. Now. It's December 25th, 1993 today. +It's December 25th, 1993 today. No, it's not. [Beat] It's December 25th, 2004. +I'm telling you I don't care what time you think you're in. You're not William Starks. [Beat] I don't believe in many things, but I believe in death. And it doesn't give back what it takes. So whoever you are...I did a nice thing, you've made me regret it enough already, so please, just leave. I'll leave. But look at me. Look at my face, Jackie. I'm not lying. I met you and your mother. I told you then that I'd lost my memory. [Beat] There was no one for miles around so I know you know there's no way I could have known that from a pair of dog tags you had lying around. +I'll leave. But look at me. Look at my face, Jackie. I'm not lying. I met you and your mother. I told you then that I'd lost my memory. [Beat] There was no one for miles around so I know you know there's no way I could have known that from a pair of dog tags you had lying around. Please... +The Jacket. That's what they call it, right? Yeah. +Yeah. It was banned, you know... and it led to an investigation of Dr. Becker's mistreatment of some of his patients. That's when they found out how badly he was drugging his patients... +But no one knew until after... After I... +[Beat] You bled to death. What? +What? I don't know how you got the cut to your head, but you died bleeding from it. +Do you really believe me? I don't know. [Beat] I thought I was crazy after you left that day. I died. I still think I could be crazy. But then I replayed that night in my head -- the parts of it I could remember -- and it was like...I don't care if I was, or am. I haven't felt that way in a room with someone my whole life. [Beat] And when you left, all I wanted was... +[Softly] I want to trust you. Should I trust you? Yes. +Yes. Then we need to figure out what happened to you. It's the only thing we can do. +Then we need to figure out what happened to you. It's the only thing we can do. I know. +I know. Alpine Grove still exists. I looked it up on the net. We should go there and see if there's still anyone around who might have known what happened to you. +Alpine Grove still exists. I looked it up on the net. We should go there and see if there's still anyone around who might have known what happened to you. If they don't take me out before then. [As an afterthought] What's the net? +I didn't kill Officer Harrison. I know. +I know. How? Did they figure it out after I died? +How? Did they figure it out after I died? No. They never figured it out. I did. Most murderers don't stop to help a drunk woman and her little girl on the side of the road. Not without hurting them. +I don't believe a thing she just said. Me neither. Who was the boy she was talking about, Eugene? +Me neither. Who was the boy she was talking about, Eugene? I have no idea. +I have no idea. You think Lorenson kills you? +You think Lorenson kills you? Maybe. I don't know. Seems more likely Becker does, but at the very least she knows how I died. +Maybe. I don't know. Seems more likely Becker does, but at the very least she knows how I died. Let's see if they have an address for Becker. I also want to figure out more about the kid you helped her with. +Let's see if they have an address for Becker. I also want to figure out more about the kid you helped her with. Why? +Why? Because that's the part I believe is true. You probably did help her somehow with the boy and Eugene's name did come up over and over again on the abstracts I pulled. +How long do we have? I don't know. +I don't know. They told me Becker's in Shelbourne now. I looked him up and he was listed. +What about Captain Medley? He never told them what happened to you over there. His testimony...that coward wanted them to think you were crazy. I know. It was perfect. [Beat] Erase my sanity and you erase anything I'll ever say. +Of course it makes me mad. It makes me more than mad. Just like remembering the face of the man who killed that officer and knowing nothing more about him. But what's it gonna do for me to find them now? I can't fix everything in three days. You've got to get yourself out of that place. They're going to kill you if you don't. +You've got to get yourself out of that place. They're going to kill you if you don't. I might not be able to. +I might not be able to. It's not a prison, it's a hospital. There's got to be some way out of there and you've got to find it... +Me, too. Here, drink this. I'll get the heat going. +You're sure? Yeah. I called the number yesterday to make sure. Thomas Becker, retired M.D. +They're not here. They're not. +They're not. [Beat, lost] No. +What? What are you thinking? There're no cars on this street. +I don't know. Maybe that's because this whole thing is a dream. How can you have a street with no cars on it? I don't know. But this isn't a dream. I'm real, and so is where we are. +I don't know. But this isn't a dream. I'm real, and so is where we are. Then why isn't there anyone around? +Then why isn't there anyone around? [Beat] I don't know. +Of course he will. [Beat] What day of the week is it? It's Sunday. +They've got lives to be grateful for. William, you're not making sense. +William, you're not making sense. [Beat] They're at Church. And I bet that's where Becker is. +That's all you got from him? That bastard helped take your life away from you. No, he didn't. +No, he didn't. What? How can you say that? He's the one that put you in that goddamn medieval...Jacket. He's probably the one who killed you. +If everything hadn't happened the way it has, then I wouldn't be here right now, sitting in a car with you, touching your face. Why are you saying that? [Beat] We don't have long, do we? +Where are we going? To the hospital. +What's happening to me? Why am I getting so much weaker? Because your body can only take so much of what they're putting you through. +Lorenson's the only one that could let me out of there. I need something to persuade her that I was there. Get me something to take to her. Ok. Ssh. Rest. +What? When we first met, when you were 7, where was the house you lived in with your mother? Do you remember your address? +When we first met, when you were 7, where was the house you lived in with your mother? Do you remember your address? 112 Orchard Way. [Realizing, in a whisper] You're not coming back, are you? +You gotta stop thinking like that. Then, where are you going? +Then, where are you going? Nowhere. [Beat] I just think I'm gonna be sick. +I've been ok. Good. How's your mom? +Good. How's your mom? Ok, I guess. +[Beat] You be good to yourself, Jackie. Ok. +I think so. You're bleeding pretty bad there. +It's ok. It's ok. Relax. It's just a cut. We can get it fixed. But we need to get you to the hospital now. How'd you get that? I fell down. [Beat] But I'm alive. +How you doin'? I'm doing fine. +Just a little, when we were looking up information about William's father. How did he help? It's complicated, but [looking at Starks] in a way, your father let me know how I'd get through to him. +It's complicated, but [looking at Starks] in a way, your father let me know how I'd get through to him. How? +How? He just said...that I'd shock Eugene and then things would change for him. +He just said...that I'd shock Eugene and then things would change for him. I don't understand. +I don't understand. I still don't either, even after all these years. +Because Becker resigned after the charges brought against him by State Patient Advocacy Groups. I see you've done your homework. [Beat] Alpine Grove's undergone a lot of changes since then. At the time, we didn't have the...resources to help our patients the way we needed to. [Beat] Now, we do. And things are different. +And if I didn't want to come? I guess I'd ask you why. +I guess I'd ask you why. Because I don't think I'm crazy. +Because I don't think I'm crazy. You're not crazy. +You were convicted of the crime. That conviction doesn't convince me of anything. Until I know that I did it, I'm not going to accept that I did. +That conviction doesn't convince me of anything. Until I know that I did it, I'm not going to accept that I did. You may never remember at all. [Beat] Your mind's grasp of reality and the real events that have happened to you has been damaged. +You may never remember at all. [Beat] Your mind's grasp of reality and the real events that have happened to you has been damaged. No. The real events that have happened to me have been fucked up. Not my mind. +Why, what would you do? I could try to...make it stop. +I could try to...make it stop. No. I don't want it to. +No. I don't want it to. So it's helping? +You should be careful. You could be killed if they found you out here. Believe me, I know. +My God you look exactly like him. I never knew my father. Did you? +I never knew my father. Did you? Yeah, I did. [Beat] He was my most memorable patient. +Yeah, I did. [Beat] He was my most memorable patient. Why? +At the end, he made me change my mind about a lot of things. You thought my father was crazy? +What case? I was working with a boy named Eugene. +How'd he get it? [Beat] I don't know. +[Beat] I don't know. But Dr. Morgan said you were around when my father was... +But Dr. Morgan said you were around when my father was... I was. But I saw a lot of cuts and a lot of blows. I'm sorry I don't know more about your father's. [Sincerely] I didn't know about everything that went on here. +Well, do you think Dr. Becker would have any idea? How do you know about Dr. Becker? +How do you know about Dr. Becker? My dad wrote some things down before he died. +So maybe Dr. Becker would know. [Beat] But, as I'm sure you know, the statute of limitations has run out for charging the hospital with any liabilities. Why would we do that? +It's important for you to know who your father was, isn't it? [Beat] Yeah, it is. +Exactly. Well... [beat] let me know how your search turns out. +Well... [beat] let me know how your search turns out. [Beat] We will. +You'll die if you keep smoking those in your condition. I'll die either way. +What do you mean? You have no idea what's going on. +You have no idea what's going on. No, I do. That's what I'm saying to you. +No, I do. That's what I'm saying to you. Listen to me! You don't! The Jacket is my only chance in this place. +You don't understand. Then help me understand. You know, you're not alone. A lot of Gulf Vets have begun to experience curious symptoms. What you have might well be a syndrome and, if so, it's not one we know enough about to be treating it this vigorously. +Then help me understand. You know, you're not alone. A lot of Gulf Vets have begun to experience curious symptoms. What you have might well be a syndrome and, if so, it's not one we know enough about to be treating it this vigorously. This has nothing to do with that. +I don't know. [Frustrated] Remember? Come on. Tell me what you do know. +Come on. Tell me what you do know. [Beat] I've seen a time that's not this time. And I'm only able to see it when I'm in the Jacket. +[Beat] I've seen a time that's not this time. And I'm only able to see it when I'm in the Jacket. Well, what time is it? +Well, what time is it? 2004. +Ok fine. Tell me about it. Tell me about the future. 2004. What does it look like? It doesn't look all that different. +It doesn't look all that different. The future doesn't look different? +The future doesn't look different? No. Not for people like me. [Beat] Not in the places I come from. +No. Not for people like me. [Beat] Not in the places I come from. What about the world? +What about the world? I didn't see that much of it -- same as now. I only saw it as part of my own life. +[Beat] Like who? Like MacKenzie maybe? Maybe. +Why don't you help me? Because I don't have time. +Because I don't have time. Why not? +Why not? I'm about to die unless I do something to stop it. +I'm about to die unless I do something to stop it. And how do you know that? +And how do you know that? Because of the future. I know what's going to happen. +Because of the future. I know what's going to happen. William, that is just another facet of my delusions. +How do you know about Eugene? You told me about him. I saw you and I think you thought I knew something about him. So you told me. +Some part of you suspects -- even if you don't know for sure -- that what I'm saying is true. I don't know how you know about Eugene, but these ideas are part of your delusions. +I don't know how you know about Eugene, but these ideas are part of your delusions. NO! They're not my delusions! Look, just leave my business with Becker to me! +I know. I know it all. Save your strength. I already know everything you're going to say. [Beat] You're in the Jacket right now, aren't you? How...how do you know? +How...how do you know? You told me this was how it happened. +You told me this was how it happened. I did? +I did? Yeah. +Who...who kills me? You have nothing to fear, William. +You're going to be ok, William. We just need to get your fever down and we'll be able to hopefully stabilize you. Who are you kidding, Doc? You or me? +Can I get some paper and something to write with. What for? +I'm not gonna let that happen. You still don't believe me, do you? +You still don't believe me, do you? I do believe you... +I do believe you... No. Listen to me...the kid, Eugene... +William, I can't indulge these delusions, even when you're in this state. Listen to me. That's all I ask. +"He's having absence [pronounced ""absance""] seizures when he stares off into space like he does. He has them so often that that's why he hasn't learned to speak properly." Who told you this? +Who told you this? You did, in the future. You figured it out because a part of you already knows this. That's how it works. [Beat] I'm just telling you something you already know, even if you haven't realized it. +I don't know when it'll happen but soon I think, you'll shock the boy and it'll wake him up. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? You'll figure it out and you'll do good by him. +You know how to get there? Sure. It's an easy address. A little far out there, but easy enough. +Sure. It's an easy address. A little far out there, but easy enough. Good. +That's Kingsley. Old bastard hears us, I'm sure. He just doesn't want to bother answering so he makes us think he can't talk. I know. I tried it on my mother for two months once before she fished out my tongue. Literally. [Beat] You're the cop killer, right? Yeah, guess so. How'd you know? +Yeah, guess so. How'd you know? "TV. Helps numb [makes a ""crazy gesture""] any active mind. [Sticking out a jittery hand] Rudy MacKenzie." +I tried to kill my wife. Don't you go to jail for that? +Don't you go to jail for that? I tried something like 30 times. There is, as STARKS rightly figures, no suitable response to that. +Yeah, well 30 times probably would make you seem crazy. Or just plain stupid. You'd think by the twentieth time, I'd have found an alternative method. Maybe a more effective one, if you know what I mean. +What were you talking about the other day? I wasn't talking about anything. +I wasn't talking about anything. Yeah, you were. What you said about them taking me out to the woods... +I know you need one when it's really cold. [Cutting in] MacKenzie, listen to me. Listen. I'm going to die. +[Cutting in] MacKenzie, listen to me. Listen. I'm going to die. Mortality's actually a great thing to be familiar with. It means you're sane on some level. +Mortality's actually a great thing to be familiar with. It means you're sane on some level. [Gravely] No, I mean in four days, I'm supposed to die. +[Gravely] No, I mean in four days, I'm supposed to die. [Beat] How do you know? +[Beat] How do you know? The Jacket. +Oh no, you're pretty young. Your body'll be able to handle a lot more of it than you think... No. [Beat] I mean I found out while I was in it that my body's gonna be found in four days. +It's gonna be sticky. Why? +'Cause Lorenson's got her claws in it now. When she started getting suspicious about me was when they stopped using it on me. Women! So what am I supposed to do? +So what am I supposed to do? You could still always give Becker an itch. 'Course you might get killed when he goes to scratch it, but seems to me you're saying that's about to happen anyway. [Beat] Just be careful not to walk yourself right into something. +"Geez, how's that for a fucking ""thank you""?" Is it true? +MacKenzie, [beat] what if we are crazy? [Shrugging] What if we are? There're crazier things than thinking up fictions for yourself. [Beat] Everyone does it, don't they? Even Becker. That roller coaster car pops more pills than all of Ward 3. +[Shrugging] What if we are? There're crazier things than thinking up fictions for yourself. [Beat] Everyone does it, don't they? Even Becker. That roller coaster car pops more pills than all of Ward 3. Becker does? Are you sure? +Becker does? Are you sure? I've been here for 11 years. It's my neighborhood. 'Course I'm sure. He's as drugged up as the rest of us...I guess he has to be to put up with all this. +You ever been to jail? No. +It's worse than war. It's worse than anywhere you've ever been. I doubt it. [Beat] I don't think prison's so bad you don't want to remember it... +Hey, Mister, you need a ride? Where are you going? +Where are you going? I'm going to Canada but I can let you ride with me up to the border. +Can you drive? Sure. +Sure. Great, get in. We'll switch off in a bit. +If you're deaf, read my lips...I don't need a psycho following me today. [Beat] I'm not deaf. +[Beat] I'm not deaf. Good. +In case you hadn't figured, it's Christmas Eve. You're never gonna get a cab here. [Beat] Thanks. +All right. [Beat] You got somewhere you need to go, Mister? I'm not sure. +I'm not sure. Let me ask you that again. This time, look around and consider your options. +I'm not sure. You don't have anywhere to stay? +You don't have anywhere to stay? I don't think so. +Well, where are you from? I'm not sure. [Beat] I don't really know. +I'm not sure. [Beat] I don't really know. Of course you don't know. +Of course you don't know. "Why ""of course""?" +"Why ""of course""?" Because in my life, it wouldn't make sense for me to pick up some normal guy with a place where he's from and a place where he's going to. It'd be too simple. I probably wouldn't know how to handle a situation like that. +Because in my life, it wouldn't make sense for me to pick up some normal guy with a place where he's from and a place where he's going to. It'd be too simple. I probably wouldn't know how to handle a situation like that. Well, you definitely didn't pick normal or simple this time either. +Well, how'd you get here? [Beat] I was dropped off. +[Beat] I was dropped off. Do you have a motel or something? Money? +No. Well, don't you somewhere? Stuff? Belongings? +Well, don't you somewhere? Stuff? Belongings? No. [Beat] Not around here. +Great. That was our last option. What am I going to do with you? Nothing. [Getting up] Thanks for bringing me this far. +Nothing. [Getting up] Thanks for bringing me this far. Where are you going? You'll freeze out there. You don't even have a coat. +Where are you going? You'll freeze out there. You don't even have a coat. I'll manage. +I'll manage. No, you won't. You'll die of cold out there and then I'll have to feel guilty. And I've already got more guilt than I know what to do with. [Beat] Do you want something to drink? +No, you won't. You'll die of cold out there and then I'll have to feel guilty. And I've already got more guilt than I know what to do with. [Beat] Do you want something to drink? No, I'm ok. +[Beat] Yeah, I'm fine. You know what? It's Christmas Eve. And you look clean -- I mean, you're normal-looking. [Resolutely, for her own benefit] It's Christmas Eve, and I have a couch. +What's this? The best I could do with what was in your fridge. +I only lit it because it was so cold in here. I'm sorry if... No, it's fine. [Beat, swallow] Thanks. +You want a drink? Sure. +This is pretty good. Considering... Thanks. +So you're a waitress, right? I mean...from the uniform you were wearing. Yup. That's me. +Yup. That's me. You like it? +You like it? [Beat] I do it. +[Beat] I do it. Have you always been a waitress? +[Beat] Why'd you stop? Shit happens, and your life changes. 'Bout the best explanation of a lot of things that happen. [Beat] So how come you don't know where you're coming from? +Shit happens, and your life changes. 'Bout the best explanation of a lot of things that happen. [Beat] So how come you don't know where you're coming from? I don't know, but I think part of it's... +Well, good for you. [Beat] Why? +[Beat] Why? [Beat] Real is overrated. +You don't think that's crazy? Maybe. [Beat] Maybe not. +This is a great song. You remember it? +But hey, who can forget those words? The man just wants simple and good things for his woman -- that she be warm and happy. How hard can that be to remember? May be easy to remember, but not easy to get. Being warm, maybe -- but, look, you don't even have a coat and I still have to chop wood to make a fire. [Beat] And, being happy...you tell me if that's simple. +They told me I joined the army when I was seventeen. That's when my father died and, before that, it was apparently just me and him since I was born 'cause my mom split. So you never knew your mother? +So you never knew your mother? I guess not. But, as of now, I never knew either. +I guess not. But, as of now, I never knew either. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Yeah. [Beat] How about you? +Yeah. [Beat] How about you? Never knew my father. I grew up with my mother. Actually, I grew up around my mother. She was great though. I mean, the way she was with her friends... She was this woman who had so much life in her, she had to find ways to kill some of it just to be like the rest of us. [Beat] She died young. +Never knew my father. I grew up with my mother. Actually, I grew up around my mother. She was great though. I mean, the way she was with her friends... She was this woman who had so much life in her, she had to find ways to kill some of it just to be like the rest of us. [Beat] She died young. How? +How? She fucked herself up day after day and then, one day, she fell asleep with a burning cigarette. [Beat] I came home from work and she was gone. +I'm sorry. Yeah, me too. [Softly] Every day for the last ten years. +Yeah, me too. [Softly] Every day for the last ten years. That when you stopped being a nurse? +Damnit, Thelma, don't holler like that! Haven't I told you I can't stand it when you holler in the morning. I'm sorry, Doll, I just didn't want you to be late. +Hon. What. +What. Have a good day at work today. +Have a good day at work today. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Hon? +Hon? What?! +What?! You want anything special for dinner? +You want anything special for dinner? No, Thelma, I don't give a shit what we have for dinner. I may not even make it home for dinner. You know how Fridays are. +No, Thelma, I don't give a shit what we have for dinner. I may not even make it home for dinner. You know how Fridays are. Funny how so many people wanna buy carpet on a Friday night. You'd almost think they's want to forget about it for the weekend. +Funny how so many people wanna buy carpet on a Friday night. You'd almost think they's want to forget about it for the weekend. Well then, it's a good thing you're not regional manager and I am. +'Bye, honey. I won't wait up. See ya. +... only for one day and we'll be back tomorrow night. No you won't. You'll be back today. Now! You get your ass back here, Thelma, now, Goddamnit. Thelma, do you understand me? +Darryl. What? +What? Go fuck yourself. +Honey? Yes, baby? +Yes, baby? Do you think you could ever shoot someone? +Do you think you could ever shoot someone? What? +What? Do you think you could ever think of a set of circumstances that would just cause you to haul off and shoot someone? +Do you think you could ever think of a set of circumstances that would just cause you to haul off and shoot someone? I could shoot your cousin Eddie. +I could shoot your cousin Eddie. Why? +Why? Because he's an inconsiderate asshole. +Because he's an inconsiderate asshole. I'm asking you seriously, Sarah, a stranger? +I'm asking you seriously, Sarah, a stranger? I don't know, honey. I guess it would depend. +I don't know, honey. I guess it would depend. On what? +On what? Well, maybe if they were trying to hurt you or one of the kids. I'm sure I could shoot someone if they tried to hurt one of the children. +Well, maybe if they were trying to hurt you or one of the kids. I'm sure I could shoot someone if they tried to hurt one of the children. Yeah, I could too. But... I don't know why I'm even asking you this. It's just... we can't place anybody at the scene but these two gals that everybody swears is sweet as pie. I don't know. I keep hearing words -- impossible -- inconceivable. If just one person would say... +Yeah, I could too. But... I don't know why I'm even asking you this. It's just... we can't place anybody at the scene but these two gals that everybody swears is sweet as pie. I don't know. I keep hearing words -- impossible -- inconceivable. If just one person would say... Honey. Nothing's impossible. You just don't shoot someone like that for no reason. Maybe he was askin' for it. Anyway, somebody's husband probably got ol' Harlan. +Honey. Nothing's impossible. You just don't shoot someone like that for no reason. Maybe he was askin' for it. Anyway, somebody's husband probably got ol' Harlan. That's what everybody says. Only problem is nobody's husband was unaccounted for that night... Could you shoot Eddie in the face? At point blank range? +That's what everybody says. Only problem is nobody's husband was unaccounted for that night... Could you shoot Eddie in the face? At point blank range? In the leg. +In the leg. I gotta go to Little Rock. +Who's the nut? That's Thelma Dickinson's husband. +That's Thelma Dickinson's husband. Aw, God. +Alright! She did good! Didn't she? Well, son, she's doin' a damn sight better 'n you right now. +We spoke with a gentlemen today who says he personally delivered very close to that same amount to a Miss Louise Sawyer. Do you know her too? Umm, yes. She was driving. +Umm, yes. She was driving. "He said he took it to a motel in Oklahoma City. He also says that at that time he met a man. He identified you through a series of mug shots. He also told us that you and Mrs. Dickinson seemed ""close."" Is that true?" +"He said he took it to a motel in Oklahoma City. He also says that at that time he met a man. He identified you through a series of mug shots. He also told us that you and Mrs. Dickinson seemed ""close."" Is that true?" You might say we had a meeting of the minds, yes. +Did either of them ever indicate that they might be running from the Law? Now that you mention it, they might have been a little bit jumpy. +Now that you mention it, they might have been a little bit jumpy. You know what? You're starting to irritate me. +How do you know I took it? How do you know they didn't just give it to me? There's two girls out there that had a chance, they had a chance...! And you blew it for 'em. Now they've gotten in some serious trouble, some very serious trouble and for at least part of it, I'm gonna hold you personally responsible for anything that happens to them. I've got no feelin' for you. But I may be the only person in the world who gives a rat's ass what happens to them and you're either gonna tell me every damn thing you know, so there's a small chance I can actually do them some good, or I'm gonna be all over you like a fly on shit for the rest of your natural life. Your misery is gonna be my goddamn mission in life. That's a sincere promise. +Could you identify 'em, if ya saw 'em again? Hal, I've told you about twenty times, yes, I could identify 'em, but neither one of them was the type to pull something like this. +Hal, I've told you about twenty times, yes, I could identify 'em, but neither one of them was the type to pull something like this. Well, you're not exactly an expert witness, but what makes you so sure? +Well, you're not exactly an expert witness, but what makes you so sure? If waitin' tables in a bar don't make you an expert on human nature, then nothin' will, and I could've told you that Harlan Puckett would end up buyin' it in a parkin' lot. I'm just surprised it didn't happen before now. +If waitin' tables in a bar don't make you an expert on human nature, then nothin' will, and I could've told you that Harlan Puckett would end up buyin' it in a parkin' lot. I'm just surprised it didn't happen before now. Who do you think did it? +Who do you think did it? Has anybody asked his wife? She's the one I hope did it. +Has anybody asked his wife? She's the one I hope did it. Lena, just cut the bullshit, will ya? Do have any ideas or don't ya? I been standin' in this stupid parkin' lot all goddamn night, and I still got to go file a report before I can go home in time to get back up again! +Lena, just cut the bullshit, will ya? Do have any ideas or don't ya? I been standin' in this stupid parkin' lot all goddamn night, and I still got to go file a report before I can go home in time to get back up again! Well, if I had to guess, I'd say it was some ol' gal, some ol' gal's husband. But it wasn't either one of those two. The tall one, the redhead, she left me a huge tip. +Well, if I had to guess, I'd say it was some ol' gal, some ol' gal's husband. But it wasn't either one of those two. The tall one, the redhead, she left me a huge tip. You didn't happen to notice what kind of car they were driving? +You didn't happen to notice what kind of car they were driving? It's a nightclub, not a drive-in, Hal. I don't follow the customers to the parking lot. +It's a nightclub, not a drive-in, Hal. I don't follow the customers to the parking lot. Alright, Lena. Go on home. We might have to call you in for some more questioning. +I've been better. You girls are in some hot water. +You girls are in some hot water. Yes, sir. I know. +We're both fine. Good. You wanna tell me what happened? +Good. You wanna tell me what happened? Sure. Maybe over coffee sometime. I'll buy. +Hey. How are things goin' out there? +How are things goin' out there? Weird. Got some kind of snowball effect goin' here or somethin'. +Weird. Got some kind of snowball effect goin' here or somethin'. You're still with us though. You're somewhere on the face of the earth? +You're still with us though. You're somewhere on the face of the earth? Well, we're not in the middle of nowhere, but we can see it from here. +You're gettin' in deeper every moment you're gone. Would you believe me if I told you this whole thing is an accident? +Would you believe me if I told you this whole thing is an accident? I do believe you. That's what I want everybody to believe. Trouble is, it doesn't look like an accident and you're not here to tell me about it... I need you to help me here. +No! You want to come on in? +You know, certain words and phrases just keep floating through my mind, things like incarceration, cavity search, life imprisonment, death by electrocution, that sort of thing. So, come out alive? I don't know. Let us think about that. Louise, I'll do anything. I know what's makin' you run. I know what happened to you in Texas. +All we know is there were two women in a green T-Bird convertible that turned left out of the parking lot, going real fast. We're trying to get a make on the car, but nothin' yet. So far, we got nothin'. Well, you'd best get something. Even if they didn't do it, it times out that they most likely witnessed it. I want somebody to at least talk to 'em. Put out an APB with a description and see what we get back. +Well, you'd best get something. Even if they didn't do it, it times out that they most likely witnessed it. I want somebody to at least talk to 'em. Put out an APB with a description and see what we get back. Alright. +Alright. Is there any reason to believe they've left the state? +Is there any reason to believe they've left the state? That's certainly possible. +That's certainly possible. Why don't we go ahead and let the bureau in on this. +Why don't we go ahead and let the bureau in on this. I have no problem with that. +I have no problem with that. Somebody's butt is gonna bar-b-que. +I swear to God, she wouldn't tell me one thing! Christ! You oughta try to find that kid that was with 'em. Tell us about him. +Tell us about him. Just some young guy. Around twenty years old. Dark hair. +This is serious, son. A man is dead. I know! I'd tell you if I knew! Goddamn! I know something happened, or she wouldn't have left. I'm trying to remember everything! Find that fucking kid. He probably knows something. +Is this the guy you saw them with? It's him. +Armed robber. Oh, great. +What kind of gun was it? A .38. +A .38. Right. Where are they? +We're going to leave someone here at the house in the event that she calls in. Someone will be here until we find them. The important thing is not to let on that you know anything. We want to try and find out where they are. Now I don't want to get too personal, but do you have a good relationship with your wife? Are you close with her? +Good God. My Lord. +Now, for one thing, you violated your parole two days out. And you know Judge Hainey. He hates this sort of thing. Once he gets wind of this, he's gonna blow sky high. And then when he finds out that you're a possible accessory to murder and armed robbery, well, I think we can safely place your ass back in the slammer for at least the remaining eight, don't you? Oh, definitely. +It's just not working like this. We gotta do something. It'd be one thing if these girls were hardened criminals, but Jesus, Hal, this is makin' us look bad. I don't know... maybe they're not movin'. Maybe that little creep lied. He's got nothin' to gain by lyin'. Nothin' at all. He already got all their money. I just don't know what we're dealin' with here. Anyway, it went out again last night on Nationwide Teletype. Let's just wait it out a little longer. She said she was gonna call back. Let's just sit tight. +He's got nothin' to gain by lyin'. Nothin' at all. He already got all their money. I just don't know what we're dealin' with here. Anyway, it went out again last night on Nationwide Teletype. Let's just wait it out a little longer. She said she was gonna call back. Let's just sit tight. We don't have a whole lotta choice, do we? I can't figure out if they're real smart or just really, really lucky. +We don't have a whole lotta choice, do we? I can't figure out if they're real smart or just really, really lucky. It don't matter. Brains will only get you so far and luck always runs out. +Hey! Don't let them shoot those girls. This is too much. They got guns pointed at 'em! The women are armed, Hal. This is standard. Now you stay calm here. These boys know what they're doin'. +I'm sorry to bother you, I know you're real busy right now, but how many times, Max? How many times has that woman gotta be fucked over? You could lift one finger and save her ass and you won't even do that? Get a hold of yourself! You are way out of your jurisdiction, now come on! Calm down! Don't make me sorry I let you come! +Your name's Harlan? I got an uncle named Harlan! You do? Is he a funny uncle? 'Cause if he is, then he and I got somethin' in common. +Oh shit. What's wrong? +What's wrong? Stop. +Stop. What for? +What for? I'm spinning. +I guess I'm startin' to feel a little better. Yeah, you're startin' to feel pretty good to me, too. +Don't. I'm married. I don't feel good. I've been sick. It's okay. I'm married, too. +You're beautiful. It's okay. I won't hurt you. It's okay. Stop it! Goddamnit, I mean it! Louise is gonna wonder where I am. Let go! +Stop it! Goddamnit, I mean it! Louise is gonna wonder where I am. Let go! Louise is alright. +Don't hurt me. Harlan. Please. Shut up. +So J.D., what are you studying in school? Human nature. I'm majoring in behavioral science. +So how come you don't have any kids? Darryl, that's my husband, he says he's not ready. He's still too much of a kid himself. He prides himself on being infantile. +Did you get married real young? Twenty-four isn't young. I'd already been goin' out with him ten years when we got married. I've never been with anybody but Darryl. +Twenty-four isn't young. I'd already been goin' out with him ten years when we got married. I've never been with anybody but Darryl. Well, if you don't mind me sayin' so, he sounds like a real asshole. +Well, if you don't mind me sayin' so, he sounds like a real asshole. It's okay. He is an asshole. Most of the time I just let it slide. +This is J.D. He's a student. We're just givin' him a ride to... to here. Louise said we could bring him here and then he'd have to go. And that's what he's doin'. He's goin'. Aren't you, J.D.? Yup. Thanks for the ride. You all take care. +Louise, is that you? Thelma? It's me. +Well, I guess I'd better... Wait...! Um, where ya going? +Wait...! Um, where ya going? I don't know. Nowhere. What are you doin'? +I don't know. Nowhere. What are you doin'? I don't know. Nothin'. Took a shower. +I don't know. Nothin'. Took a shower. That sounds nice. +That sounds nice. Well, you wanna use the shower? +Oh. I... where's Louise? She's off with Jimmy, that's her boyfriend. +She's off with Jimmy, that's her boyfriend. That's lonely for you, I guess. I always think of motel rooms as lonely. +I am the great and powerful Oz... J.D.! Just tell me. I know you're not some schoolboy. Now come on, nobody ever tells me shit. +J.D.! Just tell me. I know you're not some schoolboy. Now come on, nobody ever tells me shit. I'm just some guy. A guy whose parole officer is probably having a shit fit right about now. +What?! Parole officer? You mean you're a criminal? Well, not anymore, Thelma, except for bustin' parole, I haven't done one wrong thing. +Well, not anymore, Thelma, except for bustin' parole, I haven't done one wrong thing. What did ya do? +What did ya do? I'm a robber. +I'm a robber. You're a bank robber? +You're a bank robber? Nope. I've never robbed a bank. +Nope. I've never robbed a bank. What? +What? Well, I robbed a gas station once, and I robbed a couple of liquor stores, and some convenience stores. And that's it. +Well, I robbed a gas station once, and I robbed a couple of liquor stores, and some convenience stores. And that's it. How? +How? Well, I was just down on my luck and it seemed like somethin' I was good at so I... +Well, I was just down on my luck and it seemed like somethin' I was good at so I... No, I mean how would you do it? Do you just sneak in real fast or hide out till the store closes or what? +No, I mean how would you do it? Do you just sneak in real fast or hide out till the store closes or what? Naw, honey, that would be burglary. I never got arrested for burglary. Burglary's for chicken shits. If you're gonna rob someone, ya just have to go right on up to 'em and do it. Just take the money. That's robbery. That's a whole 'nother deal. +Naw, honey, that would be burglary. I never got arrested for burglary. Burglary's for chicken shits. If you're gonna rob someone, ya just have to go right on up to 'em and do it. Just take the money. That's robbery. That's a whole 'nother deal. Tell me. +Tell me. Well, first you pick your place, see, then I'd just sit back and watch it for awhile. Ya gotta wait for just the right moment, which is something you know instinctively, that can't be taught. Then I'd waltz on in... +I've always believed if done right, armed robbery doesn't have to be a totally unpleasant experience. God. You're a real live outlaw! +God. You're a real live outlaw! I may be the outlaw, but you're the one stealin' my heart. +I may be the outlaw, but you're the one stealin' my heart. And smooth, boy, you are smooth. +You're kinda the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. You're a little angle, you are. +Jimmy! Hello, stranger. What in the world are you doin' here? Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. +Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. Good answer. Same goes double for me. +Good answer. Same goes double for me. Who's your friend? +Well, come on, gal, I got you a room. You can go on in and take a nice cold shower. Don't mind me, Jimmy, I'm just a wild woman. +Don't mind me, Jimmy, I'm just a wild woman. I always knew that. +I always knew that. A regular outlaw. +Louise! Where are you? Are you alright? Honey... Hi. I'm okay. How are you? Long time no see. +Hi. I'm okay. How are you? Long time no see. Louise, honey... Where are you? You sound funny. +I am funny. I'm real funny. Are you in town? This sounds long distance. +Are you in town? This sounds long distance. No, I'm out of town. I'm in... I'm in real deep shit, Jimmy. Deep shit Arkansas. +No, I'm out of town. I'm in... I'm in real deep shit, Jimmy. Deep shit Arkansas. Louise, just tell me what the hell is going on here! I come back, nobody knows where you are. Is Thelma with you? Darryl's been callin' here every half-hour sayin' he's gonna kill you both when you get back, he's goin' nuts. I don't envy her if she is. +Where'd y'all go? Fishing. Look, Jimmy... I need you to help me. This is serious. I'm in trouble and I need you to help me. Can you do that? +I have a savings account with about sixty-seven hundred dollars in it. Now I know you won't be able to get it out, but I'm good for it. I need that money. Can you wire me the sixty-seven hundred dollars and I'll pay you back? Please, I'm desperate. What the fuck is going on? +What the fuck is going on? Something real bad has happened and I can't tell you what, just that it's bad and I did it and I can't undo it. Can you help me? +Something real bad has happened and I can't tell you what, just that it's bad and I did it and I can't undo it. Can you help me? Of course. Of course! Where? Can't I bring it to you? For God's sake, baby, please, just tell me what's happened, what could possibly be so bad? +Do you love me? Christ, sure... yes! +Christ, sure... yes! Wire it to the Western Union in Oklahoma City, +You're in Oklahoma?! Not yet. +Not yet. Louise, let me call you back after I wire it, so you'll know which office to go to. +Louise, let me call you back after I wire it, so you'll know which office to go to. Can't it go to any office? +Can't it go to any office? No, for that much money I have to tell them exactly which office. I know, I've had to have money wired to me on the road. And there has to be a code word or they won't give it to you. I'll have to tell you the code. +Tell me now. Call me back. +Call me back. Okay. I'll call you back. In an hour. Don't tell Darryl. +Okay. I'll call you back. In an hour. Don't tell Darryl. I know. Call me back. Louise, I love you, okay? +I know. Call me back. Louise, I love you, okay? Okay. +Is that how you answer the phone? I got it. I was afraid I'd missed you. I almost couldn't get a check cashed. It's Saturday. +I got it. I was afraid I'd missed you. I almost couldn't get a check cashed. It's Saturday. Who did it? +Who did it? Friend of mine, owns a club. Dickie Randall. You'd know him if you saw him. His brother was in your class. Terry. +Friend of mine, owns a club. Dickie Randall. You'd know him if you saw him. His brother was in your class. Terry. You didn't say what it was for, did you? +You didn't say what it was for, did you? No, honey. I told him I was buyin' a car. What is it for? +No, honey. I told him I was buyin' a car. What is it for? Good. That was good. Where do I go? +Good. That was good. Where do I go? It's a place called Shaw's Siesta Motel. The address is 1921 North East 23. It's under your name. +It's a place called Shaw's Siesta Motel. The address is 1921 North East 23. It's under your name. And what's the mysterious code word? +And what's the mysterious code word? Peaches. +Peaches. What? +What? That's the code word. I miss you, peaches. +Hey, peaches. Oh my God! Jimmy! You... Oh my God! What are you doin' here? +Oh my God! Jimmy! You... Oh my God! What are you doin' here? Can we get another room? Just put it on my credit card. +Hello... Who is it? +Who is it? It's me. +Now, my little coconut, what seems to be the trouble here? Tell Daddy everything. Jimmy, my daddy's still alive and it kind of gives me the creeps when you do that... +Jimmy, my daddy's still alive and it kind of gives me the creeps when you do that... Okay, okay, just tell me what's the trouble. +Okay, peaches, okay. But can I ask you one thing? Maybe. +Maybe. Does it have something to do with another guy? Are you in love with him? +Does it have something to do with another guy? Are you in love with him? It's nothin' like that. +It's nothin' like that. Then what?! What, goddamnit, Louise! Where the fuck are you going? Are you just leaving for fucking ever? What, did you fuckin' murder somebody or what?! +Stop it! Stop it, Jimmy, or I'll leave right now. I'm not kiddin'! Alright, alright. I'm sorry. +Can I just ask you one other thing? Maybe. +Will you at least see how it fits? Jimmy... it's beautiful! +Jimmy... it's beautiful! You didn't see that one comin', did ya? +So whaddya think. I mean... I could... uh... get a job. Of some kind. I mean you've been tellin' me that for years, right? Why now, Jimmy? +Why now, Jimmy? 'Cause, Louise. I don't want to lose you. And for some reason I get the feelin' you're about to split. Permanently. +I'm the one... I never made it work. I just... It's not that I don't love you. It's not that. I just never thought I'd be thirty-six years old and I never thought... I don't know what I thought. What do you want, darlin'. What do you want me to do. I don't know. It doesn't even matter anymore. I just want you to be happy... It's not that I don't love you either. But Jimmy, your timing couldn't be worse. +Are you just doin' this to punish me? Believe me, the last thing I want is for you to get punished. +Don't worry darlin'. I'll say I never found you. I'll say anything you want. We'll find a way to get you out of this, whatever it is. Damn, Jimmy, did you take a pill that makes you say all the right stuff? +Damn, Jimmy, did you take a pill that makes you say all the right stuff? I'm choking on it. +Hello, Officer. Is there a problem? You wanna let me see your license, please? +You wanna take it out of your wallet, please? Oh yeah. +Is this your car? Yes. +Yes. You wanna come with me, please? Walk around and get in the car, please. +You wanna come with me, please? Walk around and get in the car, please. In the back? +In the back? Front. +Front. Am I in trouble? +Am I in trouble? As far as I'm concerned, yes, ma'am, you are. +Well, wait now. I still have to ask Darryl if I can go. You mean you haven't asked him yet? For Christ sake, Thelma, is he your husband or your father? It's just two days. For God's sake, Thelma. Don't be a child. Just tell him you're goin' with me, for cryin' out loud. Tell him I'm havin' a nervous breakdown. +He already thinks you're out of your mind, Louise, that don't carry much weight with Darryl. Are you at work? No, I'm callin' from the Playboy Mansion. +No, I'm callin' from the Playboy Mansion. I'll call you right back. +Not this weekend, sweetie, she's runnin' away with me. Hi. What'd he say? What time are you gonna pick me up? +What time are you gonna pick me up? You're kiddin'! Alright! I'll be there around two or three. +You're kiddin'! Alright! I'll be there around two or three. What kind of stuff do I bring? +What kind of stuff do I bring? I don't know. Warm stuff, I guess. It's the mountains. I guess it gets cold at night. I'm just gonna bring everything. +I don't know. Warm stuff, I guess. It's the mountains. I guess it gets cold at night. I'm just gonna bring everything. Okay. I will, too. +Okay. I will, too. And steal Darryl's fishin' stuff. +And steal Darryl's fishin' stuff. I don't know how to fish, Louise. +I don't know how to fish, Louise. Neither do I, Thelma, but Darryl does it, how hard can it be? I'll see you later. Be ready. +We don't need the lantern. The place has electricity. I wanna take it anyway. Just in case. +I wanna take it anyway. Just in case. In case of what? +In case of what? In case there's some escaped psycho killer on the loose, who cuts the electricity off and tries to come in and kill us. +In case there's some escaped psycho killer on the loose, who cuts the electricity off and tries to come in and kill us. Oh yeah, sure, Thelma, that lantern will come in real handy. Maybe we could tow your car behind, in case he steals the spark plugs. +Oh yeah, sure, Thelma, that lantern will come in real handy. Maybe we could tow your car behind, in case he steals the spark plugs. We'd have to. That thing barely makes it down the driveway. +Whose place is this again? It's Bob's, the day manager's. He's gettin' a divorce, so his wife's gettin' this place, so he's just lettin' all his friends use it till he has to turn over the keys. +It's Bob's, the day manager's. He's gettin' a divorce, so his wife's gettin' this place, so he's just lettin' all his friends use it till he has to turn over the keys. I've never had the chance to go out of town without Darryl. +I've never had the chance to go out of town without Darryl. How come he let you go? +How come he let you go? 'Cause I didn't ask him. +'Cause I didn't ask him. Aw, shit, Thelma, he's gonna kill you. +Aw, shit, Thelma, he's gonna kill you. Well, he has never let me go. He never lets me do one goddamn thing that's any fun. All he wants me to do is hang around the house the whole time while he's out doing God only knows what. +How much longer is it gonna be? I'm hungry. Another hour of so. We've got enough food for a month. +Another hour of so. We've got enough food for a month. I'll never make it... Can't we stop just for a few minutes... +I'll never make it... Can't we stop just for a few minutes... We've not gonna get to the cabin till after dark as it is, Thelma. +We've not gonna get to the cabin till after dark as it is, Thelma. Then what difference does it make if we stop? Come on. I never get to do stuff like this. +I haven't seen a place like this since I left Texas. Isn't this fun? +Thelma! Tell me somethin'. Is this my vacation or isn't it? I mean, God, you're as bad as Darryl. +Tell me somethin'. Is this my vacation or isn't it? I mean, God, you're as bad as Darryl. I just haven't seen you like this in a while. I'm used to seeing you more sedate. +I just haven't seen you like this in a while. I'm used to seeing you more sedate. Well, I've had it up to my ass with sedate! You said you and me was gonna get outta town and, for once, just really let our hair down. Well, darlin,' look out 'cause my hair is comin' down! +Alright... I changed my mind. I'll have a margarita with and a shot of Cuervo on the side, please. Yeah! +Jeez, Louise, that wasn't very nice. Can't you tell when somebody's hittin' on you? +Can't you tell when somebody's hittin' on you? So what if he was? It's all your years of waitin' tables has made you jaded, that's all. +So what if he was? It's all your years of waitin' tables has made you jaded, that's all. Maybe. +Maybe. Well, just relax, will ya. You're makin' me nervous. +So, Jimmy still hasn't called yet? Givin' him a taste of his own medicine. Asshole. +Givin' him a taste of his own medicine. Asshole. I'm sorry, Louise. I know you're all upset. It's just I'm so excited to be out of the house, I guess. I wonder if Darryl's home yet. +I'm sorry, Louise. I know you're all upset. It's just I'm so excited to be out of the house, I guess. I wonder if Darryl's home yet. I wonder if Jimmy's gotten back. +I wonder if Jimmy's gotten back. Why don't you tell him to just to get lost once and for all? +Why don't you tell him to just to get lost once and for all? Why don't you ditch that loser husband of yours? +Exactly. In the meantime, you said we were gonna have some fun. So let's have some! +Thelma, I'm gonna hit the little girls' room, and then we gotta hit the road. Ready when you are. +Oh my God. Get the car. +Get the car. Jesus Christ! Louise, you shot him. +Jesus Christ! Louise, you shot him. Get the car! +Shit! I... I, which way? West. Left. +Louise. Where are we going? I don't know, Thelma! I don't know! Just shut up a minute so I can think. +Shouldn't we go to the cops? I mean, I think we should tell the police. Tell them what?! What, Thelma? What do you think we should tell them? +Tell them what?! What, Thelma? What do you think we should tell them? I don't know. Just tell 'em what happened. +I don't know. Just tell 'em what happened. Which part? +Which part? All of it. That he tried to rape me. +All of it. That he tried to rape me. Only about a hundred people saw you cheek to goddamn cheek with him all night, Thelma! Who's gonna believe that?! We just don't live in that kind of world. Pull over! +We gotta be inconspicuous. Do you know what that means? Yes. +Yes. It means you don't talk to anybody. You don't draw attention to yourself in any way. Do you understand that? +We have to think this through. We have to be smart. Now is not the time to panic. If we panic now, we're done for. Nobody saw it. Nobody knows it was us. We're still okay. Now all we have to do is just figure out our next move. Our next move? I'll say one thing, Louise. This is some vacation. I sure am having a good time. This is real fun. +Our next move? I'll say one thing, Louise. This is some vacation. I sure am having a good time. This is real fun. If you weren't so concerned with having a good time, we wouldn't be here right now. +If you weren't so concerned with having a good time, we wouldn't be here right now. Just what is that supposed to mean? +Just what is that supposed to mean? It means shut up, Thelma. +It means shut up, Thelma. So this is all my fault, is it. +We're gonna go to the next town and stop. We'll get a motel room. I can rest for a while and then figure out how to get some money. We're gonna need money. Thelma. How much money do you have with you? What? Oh, I don't know. Let me look. +I'm cash poor. Hmmm. We gotta get some money. +Oh, I don't know. I'm just nervous. I gotta figure out what to do. Well, when you figure it out, wake me up. +Well, when you figure it out, wake me up. Just what the hell is wrong with you? +What do you mean? Why are you actin' like this? +Why are you actin' like this? Actin' like what?! How am I supposed to act? 'Scuse me for not knowing what to do after you blow somebody's head off! +You could help me try and figure it out! I gotta figure out what to do, and you could try and help me. I suggested we go to the police, but you didn't like that; so, frankly, Louise, I'm all out of ideas. +I suggested we go to the police, but you didn't like that; so, frankly, Louise, I'm all out of ideas. Well, what's the big rush, Thelma? If we just give 'em some time, they'll come to us...! Oh Christ. I'm just not ready to go to jail yet. Why don't you go out to the pool or something and I'll figure it out... +Well, what's the big rush, Thelma? If we just give 'em some time, they'll come to us...! Oh Christ. I'm just not ready to go to jail yet. Why don't you go out to the pool or something and I'll figure it out... Give me the keys. +Give me the keys. You're not touchin' that car. +You're not touchin' that car. My stuff's in the trunk! God! You care more about that car than you do about most people. +My stuff's in the trunk! God! You care more about that car than you do about most people. Most people just cause me trouble, but that car always gets me out of it. +Did you finish thinking? I think better when I drive. +Don't get mad, Louise, but where are we going? Oklahoma City. Jimmy's gonna wire me some money, and then... +Oklahoma City. Jimmy's gonna wire me some money, and then... You talked to him?! Is he mad? Did you tell him? +You talked to him?! Is he mad? Did you tell him? No, I didn't tell him. And that's something we gotta get straight. Darryl's been callin', mad as a hornet, makin' all kinds of noise. When you talk to him, you cannot say anything about this. You gotta make sure everything sounds normal. +No, I didn't tell him. And that's something we gotta get straight. Darryl's been callin', mad as a hornet, makin' all kinds of noise. When you talk to him, you cannot say anything about this. You gotta make sure everything sounds normal. I called the asshole at 4:00 in the morning and he wasn't even home. I don't know what he's got to be mad about. I'm the one who should be mad. +I called the asshole at 4:00 in the morning and he wasn't even home. I don't know what he's got to be mad about. I'm the one who should be mad. I've been tellin' you that for the last ten years. +I've been tellin' you that for the last ten years. Do you think Darryl's having an affair? +Do you think Darryl's having an affair? I don't think Darryl is mature enough to conduct an affair. +I don't think Darryl is mature enough to conduct an affair. But you think he fools around. +But you think he fools around. Thelma, I'm going to Mexico. I think I can make it in two and a half days, but I'm going to have to haul ass. Are you up to this? I mean, I have to know. This isn't a game. I'm in deep shit. I gotta know what you're gonna do. +Thelma, I'm going to Mexico. I think I can make it in two and a half days, but I'm going to have to haul ass. Are you up to this? I mean, I have to know. This isn't a game. I'm in deep shit. I gotta know what you're gonna do. I... I don't know. I don't know what you're askin' me. +I... I don't know. I don't know what you're askin' me. Don't you fall apart on me. Goddamnit, Thelma. Every time we get in trouble, you go blank or plead insanity or some such shit, and this time... Not this time. Everything's changed now... Now you can do whatever you want, but I'm going to Mexico. I'm going. Are you coming with me? +Call him? Call him. Don't tell him anything. Tell him you're having a wonderful time and you'll be home tomorrow night. +Call him. Don't tell him anything. Tell him you're having a wonderful time and you'll be home tomorrow night. Will I be? +Will I be? I don't know. I won't be. +Louise, this young man is on his way back to school and needs a ride, and I thought since... It's probably not a good idea. +It's probably not a good idea. Louise. +I wish we could've brought him with us. What did Darryl say? +What did Darryl say? "He said ""Okay, Thelma. I just wanted to know you were alright. I hope you're havin' a good time. You sure deserve one after puttin' up with me all the time. I love you, honey.""" +I just don't see what it would hurt just to give somebody a ride. Did you see his butt? Darryl doesn't have a cute butt. You could park a car in the shadow of his ass. I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood for company right now. Here. Take this map. I need you to find all the secondary roads to Mexico from Oklahoma City. I think we should stay off the interstates. We're too conspicuous. +I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood for company right now. Here. Take this map. I need you to find all the secondary roads to Mexico from Oklahoma City. I think we should stay off the interstates. We're too conspicuous. Well, it looks like we can get on this road 81 that heads down towards Dallas, then cut over to... +Well, it looks like we can get on this road 81 that heads down towards Dallas, then cut over to... I don't want to go that way. Find a way that we don't have to go through Texas. +I don't want to go that way. Find a way that we don't have to go through Texas. Wait. What? You want to go to Mexico from Oklahoma and you don't want to go through Texas? +Wait. What? You want to go to Mexico from Oklahoma and you don't want to go through Texas? You know how I feel about Texas... We're not going that way. +You know how I feel about Texas... We're not going that way. I know, Louise, but we're running for our lives! Don't you think you could make an exception just this once?! I mean, look at the map. The only thing between Oklahoma and Mexico is Texas! +I know, Louise, but we're running for our lives! Don't you think you could make an exception just this once?! I mean, look at the map. The only thing between Oklahoma and Mexico is Texas! Thelma! I'm not gonna talk about this! Now find another way or give me the goddamn map and I will! You understand? +Thelma! I'm not gonna talk about this! Now find another way or give me the goddamn map and I will! You understand? No, Louise. How come you never said what happened? +He's got a lot to be proud of. Louise and Darryl don't get along. +Louise and Darryl don't get along. That's puttin' it mildly. +That's puttin' it mildly. She thinks he's a pig. +She thinks he's a pig. He's a real piece o' work. I wish you could meet him. +Yup. That's him goin'. I love to watch him go. Thelma kinda took to him. +I don't care what you say about him. The boy has got it bad. He's always got it bad as long as I'm running in the other direction. Don't be fooled, he's no different than any other guy. He knows how to chase and that's it. Once he's caught you, he don't know what to do. So he runs away. +He's always got it bad as long as I'm running in the other direction. Don't be fooled, he's no different than any other guy. He knows how to chase and that's it. Once he's caught you, he don't know what to do. So he runs away. I heard that. +So what are you gonna tell him? Nothing. I'm not gonna tell him a thing. The least I can do is not make him an accessory any more than he already is. +Nothing. I'm not gonna tell him a thing. The least I can do is not make him an accessory any more than he already is. You are so sweet to that guy, you really are. Imagine not wanting to drag him into this. He is a lucky man. +I didn't ask him to come! It's like I said, Thelma, he just loves the chase. Well boy, he's got his work cut out for him now, don't he? +Well boy, he's got his work cut out for him now, don't he? Put a lid on it, Thelma! It's hard enough as it is. Just let me get this part over with. Now stay here and guard the money. If there's any problem I'm in room 115. +Put a lid on it, Thelma! It's hard enough as it is. Just let me get this part over with. Now stay here and guard the money. If there's any problem I'm in room 115. I won't wait up. +How do I look? You're a vision, Louise, a goddamn vision of loveliness, you always are. +You're a vision, Louise, a goddamn vision of loveliness, you always are. Have another drink, Thelma. +What happened to your hair? Nothing. It got messed up. +What's wrong with you? Nothing. Why? Do I seem different? +Nothing. Why? Do I seem different? Yes, now that you mention it. You seem crazy. Like you're on drugs. +Yes, now that you mention it. You seem crazy. Like you're on drugs. Well, I'm not on drugs. But I might be crazy. +Well, I'm not on drugs. But I might be crazy. I don't think I wanna hear what you're gonna tell me. +Oh, Thelma. Oh, no. I mean I finally understand what all the fuss is about. This is just a whole 'nother ball game! +I mean I finally understand what all the fuss is about. This is just a whole 'nother ball game! Thelma, please get a hold of yourself. You're making a spectacle. +Thelma, please get a hold of yourself. You're making a spectacle. You know, Louise, you're supposed to be my best friend. You could at least be a little bit happy for me. You could at least pretend to be slightly happy that for once in my life I have a sexual experience that isn't completely disgusting. +You know, Louise, you're supposed to be my best friend. You could at least be a little bit happy for me. You could at least pretend to be slightly happy that for once in my life I have a sexual experience that isn't completely disgusting. I'm sorry. I am happy. I'm very happy for you. I'm glad you had a good time. It's about time. Where is he now? +I'm sorry. I am happy. I'm very happy for you. I'm glad you had a good time. It's about time. Where is he now? Taking a shower. +Taking a shower. You left that guy alone in the room? +Eighty-eight dollars ain't gonna make a dent, baby girl. Don't worry about it. You want anything? +Don't worry about it. You want anything? No. +Drive! Drive away! What happened? +I'm sorry. Well, we need the money. Now we have it. Oh shit, Thelma!! Shit! Shit! Shit! +Oh shit, Thelma!! Shit! Shit! Shit! Now you get a grip, Louise! Just drive us to Goddamn Mexico, will ya! +Now you get a grip, Louise! Just drive us to Goddamn Mexico, will ya! Okay. Shit, Thelma! What'd you do? I mean, what did you say? +Okay. Shit, Thelma! What'd you do? I mean, what did you say? Well, I just... +Holy shit. Lemme see the map. +For the first time in my life, I wish this car wasn't green. Are you sure we should be driving like this? In broad daylight and everything? +Are you sure we should be driving like this? In broad daylight and everything? No we shouldn't, but I want to put some distance between us and the scene of our last Goddamn crime! +No we shouldn't, but I want to put some distance between us and the scene of our last Goddamn crime! Oooooweee!! You shoulda seen me! Like I'd been doin' it all my life! Nobody would ever believe it. +Oooooweee!! You shoulda seen me! Like I'd been doin' it all my life! Nobody would ever believe it. You think you've found your calling? +You think you've found your calling? Maybe. Maybe. The call of the wild! +You're disturbed. Yes! I believe I am! +So what's the plan, Thelma? You just gonna stay drunk? Try to. +Try to. Litterbug. +Ugh!! Why do they have to do that? They think we like it. Maybe they think it turns us on. +Thelma. Yeah. +Yeah. I want you to call Darryl. +I want you to call Darryl. What for? +What for? To find out if he knows anything. If you think he does, you gotta hang up because it means the police have told him and the phone is probably tapped. +To find out if he knows anything. If you think he does, you gotta hang up because it means the police have told him and the phone is probably tapped. Jeez, Louise, tapped the phone? You think so? +Jeez, Louise, tapped the phone? You think so? Oh, come on! Murder one and armed robbery, Thelma! +Oh, come on! Murder one and armed robbery, Thelma! Murder one! God, Louise, can't we even say it was self-defense? +Murder one! God, Louise, can't we even say it was self-defense? But it wasn't! We got away! We were walkin' away! +But it wasn't! We got away! We were walkin' away! They don't know that! It was just you and me there. I'll say he raped me and you had to shoot him! I mean, it's almost the truth! +They don't know that! It was just you and me there. I'll say he raped me and you had to shoot him! I mean, it's almost the truth! It won't work. +It won't work. Why not?! +Why not?! No physical evidence. We can't prove he did it. We probably can't even prove he touched you by now. +Besides, what do we say about the robbery? No excuse for that. No such thing as justifiable robbery. Alright, Louise! +Fill her up. There's a phone right over there. Let's get it over with. +That J.D. kid is a little shit. What. +How'd they find out we're going to Mexico, Thelma, how they know that? I... I... +I... I... You told that thievin' little shit where we were goin'?! +I just told him if he ever gets to Mexico to look us up. I asked him not to tell. I didn't think he would tell anybody. Why not?! What's he got to lose? Other than my life's savings, that is. Shit! +Just stop talkin' to people, Thelma! Stop bein' so open! We're fugitives now. Let's behave that way! You're right. +Louise? Where are we? Just past Boise City. +Just past Boise City. Idaho? +Idaho? Oklahoma, Thelma. We're crossing into New Mexico. +Oklahoma, Thelma. We're crossing into New Mexico. I always wanted to see New Mexico. +Now what? Now what what? +Now what what? Whaddo we do? +Whaddo we do? Oh, I don't know, Thelma. I guess maybe we could turn ourselves in and spend our lives trading cigarettes for mascara so we can look nice when our families come to visit us on Saturdays. Maybe we could have children with the prison guards. +Oh, I don't know, Thelma. I guess maybe we could turn ourselves in and spend our lives trading cigarettes for mascara so we can look nice when our families come to visit us on Saturdays. Maybe we could have children with the prison guards. I'm not suggestin' that! I'm not goin' back. No matter what happens. So don't worry about me. +Can I ask you kind of a weird question? Yeah. +Yeah. Of all the things in the world that scare you, what's the worst thing that scares you the most? +Of all the things in the world that scare you, what's the worst thing that scares you the most? You mean now or before? +You mean now or before? Before. +Before. I guess I always thought the worst thing that could happen would be to end up old and alone in some crummy apartment with one of those little dogs. +I guess I always thought the worst thing that could happen would be to end up old and alone in some crummy apartment with one of those little dogs. What little dogs? +What little dogs? You know those little dogs you see people with? +You know those little dogs you see people with? Like a Chihuahua? +Like a Chihuahua? Those, too, but you know those little hairy ones? Those flat-faced little fuckers with those ugly goddamned teeth? +Those, too, but you know those little hairy ones? Those flat-faced little fuckers with those ugly goddamned teeth? Oh yeah. You mean Peek-a-poos. +Oh yeah. You mean Peek-a-poos. Yeah. Those. That always put the fear of God in me. What about you? +Yeah. Those. That always put the fear of God in me. What about you? Well, to be honest, the idea of getting old with Darryl was kinda startin' to get to me. +Well, to be honest, the idea of getting old with Darryl was kinda startin' to get to me. I can see that. +I can see that. I mean, look how different he looks just since high school. It's bad enough I have to get old, but doin' it with Darryl around is only gonna make it worse. I mean, I don't think he's gonna be very nice about it. +I mean, look how different he looks just since high school. It's bad enough I have to get old, but doin' it with Darryl around is only gonna make it worse. I mean, I don't think he's gonna be very nice about it. Well, now, maybe you won't have to. +Well, now, maybe you won't have to. Always lookin' on the bright side, aren't ya? +This is so beautiful. Gosh. It sure is. +Gosh. It sure is. I always wanted to travel. I just never got the opportunity. +I always wanted to travel. I just never got the opportunity. Well, you got it now. +Look! Look who it is, Thelma. I'll be darned. What's he doin' way out here. Just ignore him. +Oh, Christ. I hate this guy. We should have just ignored him. +What? Nothing. It's not funny. +Nothing. It's not funny. What? What's not funny, Thelma! +What?! Harlan. +Harlan. What?! What about him?! +What?! What about him?! Just the look on his face when you... ... it's not funny. +Just the look on his face when you... ... it's not funny. Now, Thelma, that is not... +Boy, he wasn't expectin' that! Thelma! +Thelma! Suck my dick... Boom!! +I don't want to talk about it! Thelma, I'm not kidding! Don't you even... ... in Texas... didn't it? That's what happened... Oh my God. +I'm warning you, Thelma. You better drop it right now! I don't want to talk about it! Okay, Louise... It's okay. +What do we do? What do you want to do?! I don't know! Shit! Let's just play it by ear. He may not know. He may just give me a ticket. +I don't know! Shit! Let's just play it by ear. He may not know. He may just give me a ticket. Please, God, please don't let us get caught. Please, please, please... +I told you to slow down. Hell, Officer, I told her to slow down. About how fast was I going? +I am really sorry about this. I swear, before yesterday, neither one of us would have ever pulled a stunt like this. But if you ever met my husband, you'd know why I just can... You wanna step out of the car, please? You wanna put your hands on your head, please? Louise, shoot the radio. +I swear, before yesterday, neither one of us would have ever pulled a stunt like this. But if you ever met my husband, you'd know why I just can... You wanna step out of the car, please? You wanna put your hands on your head, please? Louise, shoot the radio. What? +What? Shoot the radio! +Sorry! Sorry! +Ready? Hit it. +I know it's crazy, Louise, but I just feel like I've got a knack for this shit. I believe you. +Louise... are we still going to Mexico? Yes. +Well, I figure if you take a state policeman, shoot up his car, take his gun and lock him in the trunk, it's best to just get on out of the state if you can. Just asking. +I don't want to see any more beef jerky. I mean the next beef jerky you hand me is going out the window. It's drivin' me crazy. The whole car smells like it. It's good. It's what the pioneers ate. +It's good. It's what the pioneers ate. I don't care what the damn pioneers ate. You just keep that shit away from me, now I mean it. +And I don't want any more Wild Turkey, either. It's burning a hole in my stomach. Okay, okay... I've got some tequila. You want some tequila? +Okay, okay... I've got some tequila. You want some tequila? You do? +You do? Yeah, you want it? +Yeah, you want it? Yeah. +Shit. I'm gettin' tired. Are you alright? +I think I've really fucked up. I think I've got us in a situation where we could both get killed. Why didn't we just go straight to the police. You know why. You already said. +You know why. You already said. What'd I say again? +What'd I say again? Nobody would believe us. We'd still get in trouble. We'd still have our lives ruined. And you know what else? +Nobody would believe us. We'd still get in trouble. We'd still have our lives ruined. And you know what else? What? +What? That guy was hurtin' me. And if you hadn't come out when you did, he'd a hurt me a lot worse. And probably nothin' woulda happened to him. 'Cause everybody did see me dancin' with him all night. And they woulda made out like I asked for it. And my life woulda been ruined a whole lot worse than it is now. At least now I'm havin' fun. And I'm not sorry the son of a bitch is dead. I'm only sorry that it was you that did it and not me. And if I haven't, I wanna take this time to thank you, Louise. Thank you for savin' my ass. +That guy was hurtin' me. And if you hadn't come out when you did, he'd a hurt me a lot worse. And probably nothin' woulda happened to him. 'Cause everybody did see me dancin' with him all night. And they woulda made out like I asked for it. And my life woulda been ruined a whole lot worse than it is now. At least now I'm havin' fun. And I'm not sorry the son of a bitch is dead. I'm only sorry that it was you that did it and not me. And if I haven't, I wanna take this time to thank you, Louise. Thank you for savin' my ass. I said all that? +I said all that? No, Louise, you said the first part. I said all the rest. +No, Louise, you said the first part. I said all the rest. Whatever. +Louise? Yes, Thelma? +Yes, Thelma? You're not gonna give up on me, are ya? +You're not gonna give up on me, are ya? What do you mean? +What do you mean? You're not gonna make some deal with that guy, are you? I mean, I just wanna know. +You're not gonna make some deal with that guy, are you? I mean, I just wanna know. No, Thelma. I'm not gonna make any deals. +No, Thelma. I'm not gonna make any deals. I can understand if you're thinkin' about it. I mean, in a way, you've got something to go back for. I mean Jimmy and everything. +Thelma, that is not an option. But I don't know... something's crossed over in me and I can't go back. I mean, I just couldn't live... +But I don't know... something's crossed over in me and I can't go back. I mean, I just couldn't live... I know. I know what you mean. I don't wanna end up on the damn Geraldo Show. +He said they're charging us with murder. Eeuww. +Eeuww. And we have to decide whether we want to come out of this dead or alive. +And we have to decide whether we want to come out of this dead or alive. Gosh, didn't he say anything positive at all? +Louise, do you think we should change cars, get another car? Sure... You know how to hotwire a car? +Sure... You know how to hotwire a car? No. +No. Well, let me know when you figure it out. +You awake? You could call it that. My eyes are open. +You could call it that. My eyes are open. Me too. I feel awake. +Me too. I feel awake. Good. +Good. Wide awake. I don't remember ever feelin' this awake. Everything looks different. You know what I mean. I know you know what I mean. Everything looks new. Do you feel like that? Like you've got something to look forward to? +We'll be drinkin' margaritas by the sea, Mamasita. We can change our names. +We can change our names. We can live in a hacienda. +We can live in a hacienda. I wanna get a job. I wanna work at Club Med. +I wanna get a job. I wanna work at Club Med. Yes! Yes! Now what kind of deal do you think that cop can come up with to beat that? +Yes! Yes! Now what kind of deal do you think that cop can come up with to beat that? It'd have to be pretty good. +It'd have to be pretty good. It would have to be pretty damn good. +We should head a little further in. There's not that many roads in this state. I want to try to hit Mexico somewhere not so close to New Mexico. They probably wanna kill us in New Mexico. You're drivin'. +Oh my God! Louise! Look! Look! See if that's him! It's him. He's got California plates. It's the same guy. +It's him. He's got California plates. It's the same guy. Pass him! +I mean really! That business with your tongue. What is that? That's disgusting! And, oh my God, that other thing, that pointing to your lap? What's that supposed to mean exactly? Does that mean pull over, I want to show you what a big fat slob I am or... +And, oh my God, that other thing, that pointing to your lap? What's that supposed to mean exactly? Does that mean pull over, I want to show you what a big fat slob I am or... Does that mean suck my dick? +Hey. Where'd you learn to shoot like that? Texas... You were right about what happened to me there. +You know what's happened, don't you? What? +What? We've gone insane. +We've gone insane. Yup. +I guess we shoulda made some kinda plan for what to do if we get caught. Yeah, right. We're not gonna get caught. +How far are we from Mexico? About two hundred and fifty miles. +About two hundred and fifty miles. How long do you think that'll take? +Shit! Did you see that guy?! He was right in the middle of the road! +Shit! What?! +What?! What?! What d'you think?! +What?! What d'you think?! Oh. +We probably shoulda filled up the car before we blew up that truck. Why? +Why? They'll probably catch us when we have to stop for gas! +They'll probably catch us when we have to stop for gas! I know this whole thing was my fault. I know it is. +I know this whole thing was my fault. I know it is. There's one thing you oughta understand by now, Thelma, it's not your fault. +There's one thing you oughta understand by now, Thelma, it's not your fault. Louise... no matter what happens, I'm glad I came with you. +Louise... no matter what happens, I'm glad I came with you. You're crazy. +You're a good friend. You too, sweetie, the best. +You too, sweetie, the best. I guess I went a little crazy, huh? +I guess I went a little crazy, huh? No... You've always been crazy. This is just the first chance you've had to really express yourself. +No... You've always been crazy. This is just the first chance you've had to really express yourself. I guess everything from here on in is going to be pretty shitty. +I guess everything from here on in is going to be pretty shitty. Unbearable, I'd imagine. +Unbearable, I'd imagine. I guess everything we've got to lose is already gone anyway. +I guess everything we've got to lose is already gone anyway. How do you stay so positive? +Louise! What?! +What?! What in the hell is that up there? +What in the hell is that up there? Where?! +Where?! Way up ahead! +What in the hell is it?! It's the Goddamn Grand Canyon! +Isn't it beautiful?!! It's grand! +God! It looks like the Army! All this for us? +Now what? We're not giving up, Thelma. +We're not giving up, Thelma. Then let's not get caught. +Then let's not get caught. What are you talkin' about? +What are you talkin' about? Go. +Go. Go? +You're a good friend. You, too, sweetie, the best. +We been seein' you all along the way. Yeah. I been seein' you, too. +What? What are you talkin' about? You know good and damn well what I'm talkin' about. +You women are crazy! You got that right. +I'm not apologizing for shit! Say you're sorry. +Say you're sorry. Fuck that. +Are you going to apologize or not? Fuck you. +Hi! Hi there! You alright? +Hi there! You alright? We're fine! How are you? +We're fine! How are you? Grrrreat! +Where you goin'? Fresno. +Oh, Jesus! You probably even called us beavers on your CB radio, didn't you? +You probably even called us beavers on your CB radio, didn't you? Yeah... sure did. +Yeah... sure did. Damn. I hate that! I hate bein' called a beaver, don't you? +Hey, shit-for-brains, be careful not to scratch that thing, huh? What? +What? You heard me. You already put a fucking nick in my piano. +You heard me. You already put a fucking nick in my piano. I'll try to be more careful. +I'll try to be more careful. S'matter with you? You look like you're fading. +S'matter with you? You look like you're fading. The thing's kind of heavy. +The thing's kind of heavy. Heavy? Heavy?! What I wouldn't give to know what heavy feels like, you insensitive prick. +Heavy? Heavy?! What I wouldn't give to know what heavy feels like, you insensitive prick. No, I just meant... +No, I just meant... Yeah yeah. I'm going to the corner to get a cup of coffee. +Isn't that just my luck -- I get caught for everything. So you admit it? +So you admit it? Guilty as charged. I'm not gonna play games with you. I could give you a song and dance but what's the point? I did it and we all know it. The hitcher himself told me it's illegal. The irony... +Well, uh, can you tell us his name? Jeez, I didn't catch it. +This wasn't your first time, was it, Ted? How many we talking? Hitchhikers? I don't know -- fifty... a hundred maybe -- Who keeps track? +No harm, no foul? I guess. +Did you get my letter, Mare? The one about Ted? You sent that? +You sent that? Uh-huh. I was worried about you. +Uh-huh. I was worried about you. Well... thank you. But... you know you're not supposed to be within four hundred yards of me. +Well... thank you. But... you know you're not supposed to be within four hundred yards of me. That's what I want to tell ya. I've been through two years of extensive psychotherapy and you know what? You were right -- I needed help. +That's what I want to tell ya. I've been through two years of extensive psychotherapy and you know what? You were right -- I needed help. That's great, Woogie, I'm happy you're better -- you seem... good --but... you put me through quite an ordeal, you know. +Look at me, Mary. On my mother's soul, on God above, on everything that is holy to me, I did not steal your shoes. Woogie, I caught you red-handed. +Woogie, I caught you red-handed. All right, I did, but I was in a weird place then. +I'm asking you to leave. Oh, Mary, honey, you're taking this all wrong. I'm not leaving... +Oh, Mary, honey, you're taking this all wrong. I'm not leaving... ...Not until I get a little something to remember you by. +...Not until I get a little something to remember you by. Stop that! No! Somebody help me!!!!! +Stop it! Just one pair! You owe me that much, you heartless bitch! +Gay? He said you were gay? He implied it. +He implied it. Well you're a writer, and a lot of writers are gay. Look at Truman Capote. +Well you're a writer, and a lot of writers are gay. Look at Truman Capote. Yeah, but he was successful. +Yeah, but he was successful. Let me ask you this: When you smoke a cigar, do you ever pretend it has balls? +Come on, that wouldn't make me gay. I'm going to fix you up with my new assistant. +I'm going to fix you up with my new assistant. What's he like? +You're leaving it out. Finish your swing. You're going to like this one -- she's half Asian, half American. Good-looking? +Good-looking? I just told you, she's half Asian. half American. They're all good looking. You could mate Don Rickles and Yoko Ono and they're going to have a gorgeous kid. It's a foolproof combo. +What's the point? Let's face it, Dom, I'm in a slump. Lately I've been feeling like... well... like a loser. Loser? You? +Give me a break. Remember five years ago, when your kidneys failed? If you were a loser would they have been able to find a donor with an exact tissue match? What are the odds of that, one in a million? Oh, so I'm lucky because my brother got killed in an explosion? +Oh, so I'm lucky because my brother got killed in an explosion? I never said that. I'm saying your lucky those kids found his kidneys. Besides, your brother Jimmy never gave a shit about you. +It must be great with a wife like that. Each day is better than the next. Have you ever been, you know... in love with someone? +Each day is better than the next. Have you ever been, you know... in love with someone? Nah. +Nah. Never? +Never? Well once. Mary. +Mary again. Look, I admit it was brief, but it was definitely love. Crushes don't last twelve years. +Look, I admit it was brief, but it was definitely love. Crushes don't last twelve years. Whatever happened to Mary? +Whatever happened to Mary? I told you, her family moved to Miami. +I told you, her family moved to Miami. I mean since then. +I mean since then. I don't know. +I don't know. Well why don't you look her up? +Well why don't you look her up? Yeah, right. +Yeah, right. Why not? +Why not? Because I guarantee she's married and has a couple kids. Girls like Mary don't stay single. +Because I guarantee she's married and has a couple kids. Girls like Mary don't stay single. What if you're wrong? You just said she's the only girl you ever loved, what have you got to lose by calling her? +What if you're wrong? You just said she's the only girl you ever loved, what have you got to lose by calling her? I did try calling her. A few years ago. She wasn't listed. +I did try calling her. A few years ago. She wasn't listed. So that was it? One bump in the road and you gave up? +So that was it? One bump in the road and you gave up? I also called Unsolved Mysteries. +I also called Unsolved Mysteries. You're kidding? What did they say? +You're kidding? What did they say? They told me they don't help out stalkers. Look, maybe they're right, it's been a long time. +They told me they don't help out stalkers. Look, maybe they're right, it's been a long time. I got it -- you hire a private eye, fly him out there, he follows her around a couple days, she'll never know a thing. +I don't know about this, Dom. Relax, this guy owes me a big one. A couple years ago he got in a jam up in the Boston office; some bullshit about padding his resume -- like we haven't all done that. Anyway, they were going to let him go but his mother wrote a tear-jerker letter that ended up on my desk. +Relax, this guy owes me a big one. A couple years ago he got in a jam up in the Boston office; some bullshit about padding his resume -- like we haven't all done that. Anyway, they were going to let him go but his mother wrote a tear-jerker letter that ended up on my desk. His mother? +His mother? Yeah, I guess he still lives with her. Seemed like a sweet lady -- got diabetes or something -- so I went out on a limb and got him transferred down to Providence. +Yeah, I guess he still lives with her. Seemed like a sweet lady -- got diabetes or something -- so I went out on a limb and got him transferred down to Providence. And you think he could find out her number for me? +And you think he could find out her number for me? He'll do better than that. I'll send him down to Miami on business, you throw him a couple bucks on the side, and he'll track her down. +That's it, I'm making an oath. I'll never procrastinate about anything again. Life is too fucking short. Hey, look on the bright side -- +Hey, look on the bright side -- What's that, Dom? What's the bright side? +What's that, Dom? What's the bright side? Well... at least now you know. +Well... at least now you know. I think it was better when I didn't. It was kind of inspiring to know there was someone so pure in the world. +What's so funny? I'm sorry, it's just that you're taking this all wrong, pal. Don't you see? You're liberated. I feel liberated. I mean here you've been in therapy thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you! +Wait a second, I never told you that. Christ, Ted, I was only four towns away. +Maybe you're right. I should look on the bright side. I mean, I've still got my health... I'm out of here. I've got to get up at six a.m. to move my boss's brother into his apartment. What? On your day off? Do you even know the guy? +What? On your day off? Do you even know the guy? Never met him. +Never met him. Jesus, Ted, you've got to finish that damn novel so you can quit that stupid magazine. +Jesus, Ted, you've got to finish that damn novel so you can quit that stupid magazine. Amen to that. +Mary's a babe! What? +What? My Mary -- she's not in Japan, she's single, and she's got no rugrats. She does have a little gambling problem, she plays the football cards a bit too much, but she's a babe, a surgeon babe! +My Mary -- she's not in Japan, she's single, and she's got no rugrats. She does have a little gambling problem, she plays the football cards a bit too much, but she's a babe, a surgeon babe! Huh? But why did Healy? +Huh? But why did Healy? Well think about it. +No You mean...? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. The lazy fuck just didn't bother to look her up. +The lazy fuck just didn't bother to look her up. That sneaky prick was probably practicing his jai alai. +Well then you've got to call her, man. Fuck calling her. I'm going down there. +You are one lucky sonofabitch, you know that? I am? +I am? Didn't they tell you? That hitcher was just about to cut your throat when you stopped to take a leak. You got a fucking horseshoe up your ass, man. +Didn't they tell you? That hitcher was just about to cut your throat when you stopped to take a leak. You got a fucking horseshoe up your ass, man. Yeah feels like it. +How the hell did you get here anyway? Flew. Told my wife I was going to a Promise Keepers convention. +Shoot. Remember our friend Healy? Well, I didn't know where to mail his last paycheck so I sent my assistant by his mother's apartment. Turns out there is no diabetic mom. Landlord said she's been dead for ten years. +Remember our friend Healy? Well, I didn't know where to mail his last paycheck so I sent my assistant by his mother's apartment. Turns out there is no diabetic mom. Landlord said she's been dead for ten years. And this adversely affects me how...? +And this adversely affects me how...? Don't you see? -- Healy lied to us about everything! The landlord said when he got back from Miami he kept talking about falling for some doctor named Mary! +Fuck me. Let's go home. No! You've gone through way too much to back down now. Get over there and do something -- I can't stand watching this. +Well? What are you waiting for? I don't know what to say. +I don't know what to say. Tell her the truth about Healy! Blow the schmuck out of the water. +Tell her the truth about Healy! Blow the schmuck out of the water. Are you crazy? I've unleashed a psycho on her. She's gonna be fucking pissed. She's even more beautiful than I remember. +Oh God, I'm fucking nervous. I don't know if I'm ready for this, man. Just relax. Have you hit the cash machine? +Just relax. Have you hit the cash machine? Got cash. +Got cash. Car clean? Plenty of gas? +Car clean? Plenty of gas? Check. +Check. Mints? +Mints? Copped a tin of Altoids at the car wash. +Okay, sounds like you're all set. Just clean the pipes and it's a go. Hm? +Hm? You know, clean the pipes. +You know, clean the pipes. Pipes? What are you talking about? +Pipes? What are you talking about? You jerk off before all big dates, right? Tell me you jerk off before your big dates. +Think about it: After you've had sex with a girl and the two of you are laying in bed, are you nervous? No. +Why's that? I'm usually too tired to be. +Wrong. It's because you ain't got the baby batter in your brain any more. That'll fuck with your head, that stuff will. Huh. +Huh. The most honest moment in a man's life is the five minutes after he's blown a load. That's a medical fact. And it's because you're no longer trying to get laid. You're actually thinking like a girl. They love that. +The most honest moment in a man's life is the five minutes after he's blown a load. That's a medical fact. And it's because you're no longer trying to get laid. You're actually thinking like a girl. They love that. Jesus Christ you're right. +Jesus Christ you're right. You bet your ass I'm right. You don't go out with a loaded gun, you empty the barrels! +You bet your ass I'm right. You don't go out with a loaded gun, you empty the barrels! Holy shit, I've been going out with a loaded gun! +Holy shit, I've been going out with a loaded gun! People get hurt that way. +Dom? What are you? You stole her from me. Now I want her back. +Dom Wooganowski. Duh. But but you're married. You have kids a great wife. +But but you're married. You have kids a great wife. If you're so happy with them, please, be my guest. +So... I see you made the news. It wasn't my truck -- I was helping out a guy in a wheelchair. +It wasn't my truck -- I was helping out a guy in a wheelchair. Uh-huh. Where was he? +Uh-huh. Where was he? Out getting coffee. +Out getting coffee. Yeah, that's more or less what the others said, too. Out getting coffee... supposed to meet him here... picking up my grandma... +Bob, do you remember Mary? Who? +Who? Mary. +Mary. From high school Mary? Yeah, I saw her about six months ago at a convention in Las Vegas. +A convention? How'd you see her at a convention? I'm an orthopedic surgeon, she's an orthopedic surgeon. +Why don't you be a gentleman and ask Rosey? Who? +Who? Big guy -- goes to Barrington high school. +Woogie from Borrington high? Sounds like a loser. Loser? Woogie was all-state football and and basketball and valedictorian of his class. +I got twenty bucks says you're full of shit. Oh come on, why would I lie? +Oh come on, why would I lie? Because you're a loser, and in some warped way this gives you a momentary sense of worth. +This is a good one, Mare. Sounds like his partner's all lubed up. Call you back. +You mean he doesn't like bad guys. 'That right? +'That right? He can tell you're an animal nut. You are, aren't ya? +He can tell you're an animal nut. You are, aren't ya? Truth is I usually get along better with animals than with people. In Nepal the villagers call me 'Kin-tan- tee', which means 'man who is loved by many animals... ...who love him a lot, too... and so on.' +Would you like a glass of tea or something? You got a brew? +Would you like a little clam-dip, honey? No, thanks. Love a little bundt cake if you have some! +We're in love with your roommate. Aw, Christ, I can't take it anymore. I'm gonna pack my bags and go back to my own place. +Healy you dog! Fucking Sully! Look at you! +Fucking Sully! Look at you! You hot shit. Ya look fuckin' pisser. +Here's the info you asked for. Thanks. +Thanks. You should thank me -- that girl was not easy to find. What'd she scam you out of-some insurance dough? +You should thank me -- that girl was not easy to find. What'd she scam you out of-some insurance dough? Nah, some guy threw me a few bucks to track down his high school girlfriend. +Nah, some guy threw me a few bucks to track down his high school girlfriend. Stalker, huh? +Stalker, huh? Big time. +Very nice. I'm doing okay. I gotta get ready for work. +Okay? With this pad, the killer wheels? Looks like you really cleaned up your act. What can I tell you? It's a healthier lifestyle down here, and it's easier to succeed when your head's clear. Those guys I worked with back in Boston, they were a bad influence. +What can I tell you? It's a healthier lifestyle down here, and it's easier to succeed when your head's clear. Those guys I worked with back in Boston, they were a bad influence. Fuckin' animals. Hey, what do you say we go grab a couple drinks. +Fuckin' animals. Hey, what do you say we go grab a couple drinks. Not for me, buddy. I don't drink anymore. +Not for me, buddy. I don't drink anymore. Yeah, and you don't drink any less, right? +Take it easy, that's Bill. Tell Bill to get the fuck off! +Tell Bill to get the fuck off! Relax, he just ate. +Nineteen months I been sober. What are you talking about? You were never an alky, you were a cokehead. +What are you talking about? You were never an alky, you were a cokehead. Yeah, well when you quit blow, you gotta quit the booze, too. +Yeah, well when you quit blow, you gotta quit the booze, too. Is that right? Well good for you, Sull, I'm proud of you. +Here, just have one of these then. Healy, what I just tell you? +Healy, what I just tell you? This is a light beer. You can't have a light beer? +This is a light beer. You can't have a light beer? No I can't. +I'm worried about you, man. You better learn to have a pop once in a while or you're gonna fall off the wagon. You're being a fanatic and that ain't healthy. Am I? +Am I? Bet your ass you are. Now I don't want to hear anymore of your happy horseshit. You gotta learn how to bend a little or believe me... you're gonna break. +Jesus, you know what? This shit doesn't even taste good to me anymore. Ah, fuck ya then, you big pussy. What are you, spotting? +Hello...? Sully...? Sully, that you? Who the fuck is it to you? +Who the fuck is it to you? Sully, it's Healy. What's going on over there? +Uh, I'm fine. Just wanted to let you know I'll have your car back in a couple hours, I'm still staking out this girl's apartment. You found my car?! +So where the hell are you, Healy? Ah, I got a date tonight with that Mary girl I told you about. +Ah, I got a date tonight with that Mary girl I told you about. The sawbones? +The sawbones? Yep. +Oh yeah. Dumbshit. +Why didn't you just tell her the truth? I don't know. I guess... it just seems that women today are more impressed by the mighty buck than by some schmo who spent the last seventeen years scraping by on Peace Corp wages. +But Jesus, Pat, if she's as special as you say, she's going to want to hear about the things you did. Ahh. +The bottom line is, I'm not going to use my philanthropy as some form of currency... especially after what I did. I lied to this poor girl. Lied, man. She deserved better. Hey, love will make you do fucked-up things. +Hey, love will make you do fucked-up things. You said it, mister. I gotta go. +I'm just saying I don't mind a guy with a bit of a beer belly. It means he's a guy. You can have those pretty boys who hang out in a gym all day staring at their reflections. A girl after your own heart, Ted. +Yeah, don't talk in someone's backswing. Thanks. +I'm gonna get a soda, you want one? No thanks. +Oh cripes. Do you have change for a dollar? All I have is these stupid Nepalese coins. Nepal? Have you been? +Nepal? Have you been? Not in months. I don't even know why I bought the damn place. +Not in months. I don't even know why I bought the damn place. You own a home there? +You own a home there? Well... it's just a condo really. Right outside Katmandu. +Well... it's just a condo really. Right outside Katmandu. Wow. That's a place I've always wanted to go. Is it true the mountains are so tall you can't see the tops? +Wow. That's a place I've always wanted to go. Is it true the mountains are so tall you can't see the tops? Not 'til you get about three hundred yards from the summit. That's been my experience anyway. +Here. Spend it on your trip to Katmandu. Thanks. +Well, it was nice meeting you, again. Same here again. +Same here again. By the way, what's your name? +By the way, what's your name? Pat Healy. +Don't you want to know my name? I already know it, Mary. +I already know it, Mary. How'd you know that? +How'd you know that? It's right there on your golf bag. +What are you doing with all these blueprints? Some buildings I'm working on. +Some buildings I'm working on. Are you... an architect? +Are you... an architect? Well, just until I get my PGA Tour card. +I'm kidding. Yeah, I guess you could call me an architect -- it's just a job really, a way to keep me moving. My real passion is my hobby. What's that? +What's that? I work with retards. +I work with retards. I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? You know... ...the guys who ride the short bus. +You know... ...the guys who ride the short bus. Isn't that a little politically incorrect? +Isn't that a little politically incorrect? The hell with that. No one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with. +The hell with that. No one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with. No, I mean +No, I mean -- There's this one kid, we call him Mongo on account of he's a mongoloid. He got out of his cage once and -- +-- There's this one kid, we call him Mongo on account of he's a mongoloid. He got out of his cage once and -- -- He's in a cage?! +-- He's in a cage?! Well it's more of an enclosure really. +Well it's more of an enclosure really. They keep him confined? That's bullshit! +They keep him confined? That's bullshit! That's what I said, so I went out and got him a leash you know, one of those clothesline runners for the backyard. He's got plenty of room out there to dig. The kid's really blossomed. Now I can take him to ball games, movies -- you know, happy stuff. +That's what I said, so I went out and got him a leash you know, one of those clothesline runners for the backyard. He's got plenty of room out there to dig. The kid's really blossomed. Now I can take him to ball games, movies -- you know, happy stuff. That sounds like fun. +That sounds like fun. Yeah, it's fun for them, but it's heaven for me. Those goofy bastards are just about the best thing I have in this crazy old world. Ooh, hey, I gotta run. +Yeah, it's fun for them, but it's heaven for me. Those goofy bastards are just about the best thing I have in this crazy old world. Ooh, hey, I gotta run. Look, uh, I was thinking maybe we should go have dinner sometime. +Oh, Pufferball likes his little tum- tum rubbed, doesn't he now? Wow, I've never seen him like this. He doesn't usually like guys. +Sorry, Pat, out of beer. You like vodka? Great. +Fine. Fine. Here you go. What's that smell? +The museum? I thought we were going out to dinner? We will, but first I have a surprise. +We will, but first I have a surprise. A surprise? +A surprise? The architecture exhibit! My friend Tucker is going to be here. He's an architect, too. You guys will have tons to talk about. +I know he's around here someplace. What say we get outta here and go crush a bucket? +What say we get outta here and go crush a bucket? We just got here thirty seconds ago. Isn't this stuff great? +Is this one art deco or art nouveau? Deco. +Deco. Would you call that a portico or a vestibule? +Would you call that a portico or a vestibule? That...? Vestibule. +That...? Vestibule. How about -- ? +How about -- ? When you look at architecture, try not to concern yourself with the pieces -- look at the building in its totalitarianism. +That grandmother of yours -- she's really something. Magda? She's not my grandmother -- actually she rents the apartment right next to mine. Her husband passed away a couple years ago so she doesn't like to be alone. +Magda? She's not my grandmother -- actually she rents the apartment right next to mine. Her husband passed away a couple years ago so she doesn't like to be alone. And it doesn't cramp your style? +And it doesn't cramp your style? Sadly, no. Well except for the lint. +Sadly, no. Well except for the lint. Lint? +Lint? Yeah, I think it's that dog of hers running around on the rug all day -- just makes for a lot of lint. Look at this... +You know, sometimes I wish I could be like Magda and not go home. I'd like to just bounce around for awhile, do a little traveling... Why bounce when you have your own condo in Nepal to go to? +Ah, I'd sell that. Start fresh in a new place, quit the architect game, slow things down, read more books, see more movies... You're a movie buff? +You're a movie buff? Try to be. It's tough going with the crap they make today. If Dumb and Dumber's the best they've got to offer I say thanks but no thanks. +Try to be. It's tough going with the crap they make today. If Dumb and Dumber's the best they've got to offer I say thanks but no thanks. Have you seen it? +Have you seen it? No. But the Boston Globe critic Jay Carr hated it. +No. But the Boston Globe critic Jay Carr hated it. A fucking moron. +A fucking moron. Huh. I guess I just wish they made them like they used to. You know, something like The Heartbreak Kid... or Harold and Maude. +Harold and Maude is my all-time favorite movie. Ouch. Come on, don't bust my chops. I know it's corny, but I do love it. +Ouch. Come on, don't bust my chops. I know it's corny, but I do love it. Pat, I'm not kidding. I really think it's the greatest -- +Pat, I'm not kidding. I really think it's the greatest -- -- Love story of our time. +Yeah. Wow. I thought I was the only one. +So... Yeah... I guess this is it, huh? +Yeah... I guess this is it, huh? I guess. +I guess. Well, I'll see ya. +Mary ah, forget it. What? +What? No, forget it, it was stupid. +No, forget it, it was stupid. Come on, what were you going to say? +Come on, what were you going to say? Nah, really, it was moronic. +Fuck!! Huh... that's strange. +Turn it up, Magda. Hey, watch your mouth -- she's a great gal. I'm the dumbshit for lying to her. +All set. You look great. Hey, Mare, do I have a rip in the back of these pants? +How's my stomach taste, she says. Hey thanks for picking up the lunch tab, Mare. Sorry I forgot my wallet. I feel like a dog. Forget it. It was... fun. +Urrggghh... Warren! +Are you okay? Not to worry. So... see you tonight, right? Right? +Not to worry. So... see you tonight, right? Right? Sure. +No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're gonna go out tonight. Oh, that reminds me, I've got to call what's- his-face and cancel. +Hi, I'm out drinking champagne and roses... and I'm really happy. Leave a message. BEEP. Uh, hey buddy. Oh boy, am I pissed. You're not going to believe this -- well, you'll believe it, there's no reason not to -- but I just got beeped for emergency surgery. Well, um, sorry, but I'm going to have to bail on you. +Woogie, please, you're starting to scare me. Who the hell's Woogie? +I say none of us leave this room until our young Mary here stops jerking us around and decides once and for all who she wants. Now Mary, I know this is difficult but you really will be doing them all a favor to tell them the truth about us. Are you crazy? Why would I pick you? You're a murderer. +So, Dom tells me you're looking for some lady-friend you knew in high school. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Any idea where I might start looking? +Any idea where I might start looking? She moved to Miami Beach twelve years ago. I checked directory assistance down there and she's not listed. She might've moved ten times since then. +She moved to Miami Beach twelve years ago. I checked directory assistance down there and she's not listed. She might've moved ten times since then. All you want is a phone number? +All you want is a phone number? Well, I know you're busy... +Well, I know you're busy... Don't play games with me, Ted. +Don't play games with me, Ted. I don't know, maybe you could poke around for a half day and see if she has five kids and a Labrador. +I don't know, maybe you could poke around for a half day and see if she has five kids and a Labrador. I don't buy it. +I don't buy it. You don't buy what? +Ted, I'm the kind of guy who shoots from the hip. Now I want you to level with me: Did you knock this skirt up? No. +No. She's blackmailing you, right? +She's blackmailing you, right? No. +No. You want her dead, don't you? +You want her dead, don't you? You can't be serious. +You can't be serious. Do you really expect me to believe this is a straight stalker case? +Do you really expect me to believe this is a straight stalker case? I'm not a stalker! She's a friend of mine. +I'm not a stalker! She's a friend of mine. Sure she is. That's why she got an unlisted number and you haven't heard squat from her in a dozen years. Oh you're good, Ted. You're a real piece of work. +Sure she is. That's why she got an unlisted number and you haven't heard squat from her in a dozen years. Oh you're good, Ted. You're a real piece of work. Look, let's forget it. Let's forget the whole thing. +Look, let's forget it. Let's forget the whole thing. I get one hundred a day plus expenses. +I get one hundred a day plus expenses. You get fifty a day, period. It's a business trip, they'll pay for your expenses. +I've got some very, very good news for you, my friend. Really? Very, very? +I think your life's about to change. So you found Mary? +So you found Mary? Right there in Liberty City. And you were right, she's really something. +Right there in Liberty City. And you were right, she's really something. So she hasn't changed? +So she hasn't changed? That I couldn't say. Let me ask you something: Was she a little big-boned in high school? +That I couldn't say. Let me ask you something: Was she a little big-boned in high school? No, not at all. +No, not at all. Well she must've packed on a few pounds over the years. +Mary's a little chubby, huh? I'd say about a deuce, deuce and a half. Not bad. +But you know, you shit out a bunch of kids, you're going to put on a few pounds. So she's married? +So she's married? Nope. Never been. +Nope. Never been. Huh? +Huh? Four kids, three different guys. +Four kids, three different guys. Three different guys? +Three different guys? Well I'm guessing. There's a black kid, two whites, and a midget. +Well I'm guessing. There's a black kid, two whites, and a midget. Oh my. +Oh my. Hyperactive little fuckers, too. Tough to keep up with in a wheelchair, I bet. +Hyperactive little fuckers, too. Tough to keep up with in a wheelchair, I bet. She's in a wheelchair?! +Don't look so shocked, it's been a long time. I bet you've changed a lot over the last twelve years, haven't you? It's just that... Mary. I wouldn't have thought... +It's just that... Mary. I wouldn't have thought... Anyway, the good news is I have all the information you need. Got it from her bookie -- nice guy. You should definitely call her, Ted. I mean she's a real sparkplug, that one. She seems determined to get those rugrats off welfare and with your help I'll bet she does it. +Thanks, Healy. Good work. Ted? Don't you want the name of the housing project? +Ted? Don't you want the name of the housing project? Uh, that's okay. +Uh, that's okay. You sure, big guy? I'll bet she'd love to hear from you before her mastectomy! +What are you doing? Oh, uh, I resigned. +Miami? Yeah, this insurance business is too slow for me. I'm going to go down and try my hand at jai alai. +Yeah, this insurance business is too slow for me. I'm going to go down and try my hand at jai alai. Jai alai? +Jai alai? Yeah, I don't know why but I always felt at home in the fronton. +Look, uh, I've been thinking about everything you told me. Good good. +Good good. Well I think you're right, I should look her up. +Well I think you're right, I should look her up. Rollerpig? Are you nuts? +Rollerpig? Are you nuts? But you said she was a sparkplug...? +But you said she was a sparkplug...? I said buttplug. She's heinous. +All the same, I still want to call her. I know it sounds crazy -- Mary sure has a lot of troubles in her life -- but, I don't know, maybe I can help her out. The poor thing's had it tough -- she's in a wheelchair for Godsakes. It's a goddamn bunion. It'll heal. +It's a goddamn bunion. It'll heal. Oh. I thought That's not it anyway. I know this doesn't make any sense to you, but I just can't turn it off that fast. I still feel something for her. +Okay, tell you what: I'll get her number for you just as soon as she gets back from Japan. Japan? What's she doing in Japan? +Japan? What's she doing in Japan? You've heard of mail-order brides? Well they go that way, too. +Mary's a mail-order bride? Fetched a pretty penny, too. Don't forget, it's the Sumo culture, they pay by the pound there. Sort of like tuna. +Hey, hey, hey! Surprised? +You fucked me, man? Why would you do that? What do you mean 'why'? +What do you mean 'why'? Answer the question, shitball. +Look, you asked me to follow your girl around, and I did and I started to like her, and then I realized I just couldn't in good conscience do it. Do what? +Do what? Turn her over to a stalker. +Turn her over to a stalker. What?! You're calling me a stalker? +What?! You're calling me a stalker? That's right -- if you weren't you would've looked for her yourself! +Oh Christ... poor dog. You're a sick man, you know that? +You're a sick man, you know that? Yeah well fuck you! You just can't stand the fact that it was my turn. +Yeah well fuck you! You just can't stand the fact that it was my turn. Your turn? +Your turn? That's right, hot shot! My turn. What's the matter with me, huh? Why can't I ever get the great girl? Give the big pig with the B.O. to Healy, right? Well I was sick of it, man! No more -- it was my turn. It was time for me... time for me... to be happy. +Well you didn't have to blow us both out of the water. Jesus Christ, just because she found out about you, why'd you have to take me down with you? I don't know what you're talking about. +I don't know what you're talking about. I'm talking about the letter, asshole. +I'm talking about the letter, asshole. What? +Are you telling me you didn't send Mary a letter outlining our deal? Why the fuck would I do that? I'd be screwing myself. +Pleasure to meet you, Patrick. Same here. +Mainly I work out of Boston. Boston, huh? Did you get your degree up there? +Boston, huh? Did you get your degree up there? Yes yes, I did get my degree up there. +Yes yes, I did get my degree up there. Harvard? +Harvard? You bet. +You bet. Did you study under Kim Greene? +Did you study under Kim Greene? Among others. +Among others. Kim and I are close friends! +Kim and I are close friends! Well, I'll tell her I ran into you. +Well, I'll tell her I ran into you. You mean him. +Really? But he's been married for twenty years -- they've got six kids. Nice smokescreen, isn't it? +Have you been to Let's see -- Santiago, Chile? Absolutely! I was there twice last year. Which building is yours? +Absolutely! I was there twice last year. Which building is yours? Do you know the... soccer stadium? +Do you know the... soccer stadium? Did you build the Estadio Olympico? +Did you build the Estadio Olympico? No... just down the street, the Amigo Tower. +No... just down the street, the Amigo Tower. I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with it. What style? +I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with it. What style? Uh, sort of nouveau Deco... with a big vestibule. Check it out next time you're up there. +You know, I really should take your card. Oh look, it's Doob! Will you excuse me a minute, Tucker? +Okay, Pat, take it easy -- don't do anything stupid. Who the fuck do you think you are making up that bullshit about me?! +Whoa, whoa -- I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe this'll jog your memory. +That stalker Ted got to you, right? You're working for him, aren't you, you little shit? Who? +You what? You heard me, goddamnit. I... I love her. +I'm a phony -- just like you, man. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I mean I'm a fucking fraud. I'm no architect. Don't be a putz -- who's been to Santiago twice in a year? Estadio Olimpico -- please! +I mean I'm a fucking fraud. I'm no architect. Don't be a putz -- who's been to Santiago twice in a year? Estadio Olimpico -- please! But... but you knew people at Harvard. +But... but you knew people at Harvard. I knew shit. The only thing I knew was that you were a fake and I made up everything else. My real name's Norm. I deliver pizzas. +I knew shit. The only thing I knew was that you were a fake and I made up everything else. My real name's Norm. I deliver pizzas. Bullshit! +...So then in '94 I went back to Dade Community College for a semester and when the Wal-Mart cashier job fell through I hooked up with the Pizza Barn. And you met Mary how? +And you met Mary how? Just dumb luck. I delivered a pie to her one night and she answered the door in her nightgown -- that was it for me. I went home that night, shaved my beard, and a week later I was laid out in her office with a broken back. +Just dumb luck. I delivered a pie to her one night and she answered the door in her nightgown -- that was it for me. I went home that night, shaved my beard, and a week later I was laid out in her office with a broken back. How'd you manage that one? +How'd you manage that one? Friend. Baseball bat. +Friend. Baseball bat. Nice. +Nice. Oh yeah, the plan was going along just fine until you showed up. +Oh yeah, the plan was going along just fine until you showed up. Hey, hey, hey, I'm not the one who started telling bald-faced lies about the competition -- that's crossing the line! +Hey, hey, hey, I'm not the one who started telling bald-faced lies about the competition -- that's crossing the line! What line? The day you first laid your oily rap on my future wife you started a war! +What line? The day you first laid your oily rap on my future wife you started a war! Future wife? Get real, man -- you're nothing more than a glorified brother in her eyes. +Future wife? Get real, man -- you're nothing more than a glorified brother in her eyes. Why you son of a -- +That stalkin' son-of-a-bitch! Fucking sickening. +How many is that? Four. +Four. That seems like a lot of speed for a little pooch -- you sure it won't kill him? +That seems like a lot of speed for a little pooch -- you sure it won't kill him? I never said that. +Ho-ly shit. Hey, this is a pretty nice place. +Hey, this is a pretty nice place. Sully...! What the fuck happened here?! +You little fuck. What? +What? You fucking prick, we had a deal -- you said you wouldn't fuck me and I wouldn't fuck you until we had this fuck out of the fucking picture. You crossed the line, man. +I swear! I didn't tell her nothing! You probably did it yourself, you piece of shit. Oh that makes a lot of sense. Why would I rat myself out? +Oh that makes a lot of sense. Why would I rat myself out? Like I'm going to try to figure out a guy who's idea of courting is blowing farts in the chick's face +Like I'm going to try to figure out a guy who's idea of courting is blowing farts in the chick's face You were following us? +You were following us? Don't flatter yourself -- I was following her, I always do. How the hell you think I got rid of Mary's boyfriend Steve? +Oh... Sully. Look, if it wasn't you who sent the letter, and it wasn't me who sent it? +Thanks for picking me up. No prob, I could use the company. I've been on the road going on fifteen hours straight. +No prob, I could use the company. I've been on the road going on fifteen hours straight. I know how you feel -- I been standing in the same spot for the last five hours. You know it's against the law to pick up a hitchhiker in this state. +I know how you feel -- I been standing in the same spot for the last five hours. You know it's against the law to pick up a hitchhiker in this state. That must make it tough. +That must make it tough. Sucks. So what's up? You some kind of salesman or something? +Sucks. So what's up? You some kind of salesman or something? Nah. I'm... I'm nothing. +Nah. I'm... I'm nothing. Oh. Well I am. +Oh. Well I am. Hm? +Hm? A salesman -- that's what I am. I mean, I'm gonna be anyway. I'm starting my own company -- video sales -- just as soon as I get enough seed money. +A salesman -- that's what I am. I mean, I'm gonna be anyway. I'm starting my own company -- video sales -- just as soon as I get enough seed money. 'That right? Good for you. +'That right? Good for you. Yeah, you wouldn't believe my idea -- it's a home run. You ever hear of Eight-Minute Abs? +Yeah, you wouldn't believe my idea -- it's a home run. You ever hear of Eight-Minute Abs? The exercise tape? Sure, I've seen it on T.V. +The exercise tape? Sure, I've seen it on T.V. Two million copies it sold last year. Two million, man. But not next year -- my idea's gonna blow them outta the water. Get this: Seven-Minute Abs. +I see where you're going. Think about it. You walk into a video store and you see Eight-Minute Abs and right next to it you see Seven- Minute Abs -- which one you gonna spring for? +Think about it. You walk into a video store and you see Eight-Minute Abs and right next to it you see Seven- Minute Abs -- which one you gonna spring for? I'd go with the seven. +I'd go with the seven. Bingo. Especially since we guarantee you'll get every bit as good a work- out. +Bingo. Especially since we guarantee you'll get every bit as good a work- out. How do you guarantee that? +How do you guarantee that? Well it's the company motto: 'If you ain't happy we'll send you the extra minute.' +Well it's the company motto: 'If you ain't happy we'll send you the extra minute.' Huh. That sounds great. Unless someone else comes out with Six-Minute Abs. +No, it should be 'a hockey player with great pecs.' Ugh, not pecs. Sounds like one of those guys with a fish-net shirt and a banana hammock. +I can live with those reflections. I'm sick of these calorie-countin' pansies. Give me a guy who likes kielbasa and beer and playing thirty- six holes and still has enough energy to take me and Warren out to a ballgame. +I'm sick of these calorie-countin' pansies. Give me a guy who likes kielbasa and beer and playing thirty- six holes and still has enough energy to take me and Warren out to a ballgame. Jeez, I don't know where you're ever going to find a guy like that. +Jeez, I don't know where you're ever going to find a guy like that. But here's the rub. The guy I'm talking about has got to be self- employed. +Yeah, and you'd probably dump the poor guy halfway to Katmandu. What's that supposed to mean? +What's that supposed to mean? It means you're too hard on guys. +It means you're too hard on guys. No I'm not. +No I'm not. Oh come off it, Mare. What about what's-his-name... Steverino? You could've at least passed the baton on that one. +Yeah, Steve. Steve was all right for awhile. All right for awhile? The guy's good- looking, rich, witty. He was a god. +I don't know, it was complicated. He's in San Francisco, I'm in Miami. Besides, Magda's psychic dog hated him. Is that old crab still with you? Mary, you said you were putting her up for a month -- it's been a year and a half. +Is that old crab still with you? Mary, you said you were putting her up for a month -- it's been a year and a half. Ah, she's okay. +What? Steve seemed to put up with Warren. I don't want someone who'll put up with him. I want someone who will enjoy him, the way I do. Do you know what he told my friend Tucker? He said he would've popped the question a lot earlier if Warren wasn't in my life. Well he is in my life and I'm goddamn lucky to have him. The hell with Steve. +Have you been up all night again? Bet your ass I have. It's an important job, Neighborhood Watch is. +Bet your ass I have. It's an important job, Neighborhood Watch is. Neighborhood Watch? Is that what you call listening in on stranger's phone conversations? +Neighborhood Watch? Is that what you call listening in on stranger's phone conversations? These ain't strangers, they're neighbors. This only picks up signals in a half-mile radius. +These ain't strangers, they're neighbors. This only picks up signals in a half-mile radius. Meaning? +Meaning? Meaning these are the people you live amongst, you got a right to know if they're creeps. For instance, did you know there's a guy down the hall cheating on his wife? +Meaning these are the people you live amongst, you got a right to know if they're creeps. For instance, did you know there's a guy down the hall cheating on his wife? You picked that up on the scanner. We gotta move. +You picked that up on the scanner. We gotta move. I confirmed it on the scanner. I knew something was up because Puffy used to bark like hell whenever he saw him and you know Puffy only barks at bad people. +Magda, Puffy barks at everybody. That's because there's a lot of bad people out there. Hey, Puffy tried to warn you about that Steve guy you was seeing -- he was a fucking asswipe -- but you had to find out for yourself, didn't you? +That's because there's a lot of bad people out there. Hey, Puffy tried to warn you about that Steve guy you was seeing -- he was a fucking asswipe -- but you had to find out for yourself, didn't you? Okay, you win. Now try to get some sleep, huh. +Jesus, Mary, you gotta hear this -- some cop's staking out this broad's apartment. No time, Magda, my show's starting. +So who's the lucky guy? Name's Patrick, I met him at the driving range. +Name's Patrick, I met him at the driving range. Good lookin'? +Good lookin'? He's no Steve Young. +What's he like? I don't know. He's kind of a mook. +I don't know. He's kind of a mook. What's a mook? +What's a mook? You know, a mookalone, a schlep. +You know, a mookalone, a schlep. Then why you going out with him if he's a schlep? +Then why you going out with him if he's a schlep? Come on, Magda It's like that movie Harold and Maude. +Come on, Magda It's like that movie Harold and Maude. I don't watch the new ones. +I don't watch the new ones. This one's almost thirty years old. It's about a young kid and an old lady who fall in love. +This one's almost thirty years old. It's about a young kid and an old lady who fall in love. That's exactly why I don't watch 'em anymore -- it's bullshit! Why the hell would an old lady go for a young kid? +The point is, love isn't about money or social standing or age, it's about connecting with someone, having things in common kindred spirits. Fuck kindred spirits. My little Puffy here's gonna tell you all you need to know about this guy in about two seconds flat. If he starts yapping, he's a loser; if Puffy's relaxed... well, you got yourself a keeper. +Sure. Uh, Magda, why don't you get some more cheese and crackers...? Oh, yeah, of course, dear. +Bundt cake? Must have a sweet tooth. See if you can find some cookies. +Hey hey, what did you say Pat's last name was? Healy. +I'm buying bananas tonight. Why? +Why? Back when I was your age I always used to make myself a big banana split after sex. I think you're gonna need one tonight. +Back when I was your age I always used to make myself a big banana split after sex. I think you're gonna need one tonight. Don't get ahead of yourself. You'll probably need it before I will. +Don't bet on it. Last time I had a pap smear the guy needed leather gloves and an oyster shucker. So maybe I could find a nice gentleman to take you to the movies. +So maybe I could find a nice gentleman to take you to the movies. Knock it off, Pollyanna, just 'cause you're in love doesn't mean everyone else has to be. +Knock it off, Pollyanna, just 'cause you're in love doesn't mean everyone else has to be. Love? Come on, I wouldn't call it love. +Love? Come on, I wouldn't call it love. Oh no? I ain't seen you beaming like this since you broke ninety on the Blue Monster. +An old flame? Kind of. Ted Peloquin -- one of the sweetest guys in the world. +You vicious bitch, how do you sleep at night? I can't do it -- I just found out it's his birthday. I guess I've gotta cancel on Ted. +Holy shit... Puffy, get over here. +Magda! The little shit lied to me about that guy! +Oh, hi hon. Just straightening up. Where's Puffy? +Where's Puffy? Ah, he was being a pest so I put him in the bathroom. +Pat's an architect, too. Hey, no kidding? Where are your offices? +Pat does projects all over the world. Where would I have seen your work? +What's up, Doc? Tucker, you look different some how. Did you do something with your hair? +You don't think they're too big? No no, the bigger the better. But I must say, they could be a little brighter. Nothing's sexier than a mouthful of pearly whites. +He's a nice guy, isn't he? Well that's what I'm trying to figure out. How long have you known him? +Not long at all, but I really like him. Okay, I know he's a little different, Tucker, but that's what I like about him. He's a guy. A real guy. He dresses like a dork and eats corndogs and he isn't always politically correct and he probably farts, too. And that's okay with me. That's what you've been looking for -- a farter? +That's what you've been looking for -- a farter? I've been looking for a guy -- not one of these South Beach pussies. +I've been looking for a guy -- not one of these South Beach pussies. Look, it's just that something about him struck me as odd last night. He gave me this funny vibe. Anyway, I called some friends back east. They don't know of any architect named Patrick Healy and he's not listed as a Harvard alumnus. +I thought so. Anyway, I hope you don't think I'm being meddlesome. I just think you should be careful with this guy. No no no, Tucker, thank you. +No no no, Tucker, thank you. I mean let's face it, Mary, you're beautiful, you've got money, you trust people -- I'm just saying, there's a lot of psychos out there. +I mean let's face it, Mary, you're beautiful, you've got money, you trust people -- I'm just saying, there's a lot of psychos out there. I appreciate you looking out for me. +Can I pour you one? Thanks, but I've got to be going. Unfortunately, Doc, this isn't a social visit. +What's up? Well... I've got a little more news about your friend Healy. +I think you'd better sit down. Tucker, I appreciate you doing all this, but I'm really strapped for time here and -- +Tucker, I appreciate you doing all this, but I'm really strapped for time here and -- Mary, the man's a killer. +What...? I've got a friend in the Boston police department. He faxed me this this morning. I'll just give you the highlights. After a short stint as a petty thief, Patrick R. Healy graduated to armed robbery by the age of fourteen. At sixteen he committed his first murder -- a pretty teacher's aid named Molly Pettygrove. He was incarcerated until age twenty-two when, despite a grim psychological profile, the state was forced to release him. In his mid- twenties and again in his early thirties he was suspected of homicides in the states of Utah and Washington. Unfortunately, the bodies were so badly decomposed that there wasn't enough evidence to hold him, and on and on and so forth and so on. +I can't believe this is happening. I'm supposed to be meeting him in an hour. Okay, just calm down. It's going to be okay. +Magda's right, I'm so lucky to have you in my life. Don't get all gooey on me now, you'll give me a big head. The important thing, Doctor, is you've got to distance yourself as much as possible without pissing this psycho off. +Don't get all gooey on me now, you'll give me a big head. The important thing, Doctor, is you've got to distance yourself as much as possible without pissing this psycho off. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I think I know what to do. I'll call him right now. +Uh, well... not exactly. You see, I exaggerated a little there. You mean he's not a criminal? +Name's Norm. I live up in Pompano with my folks. Oh Jesus... +Oh yeah. Fine. Thanks a lot, Ted. +Hey, you're limping. Did you just hurt yourself? No, it's an old football injury. +No, it's an old football injury. Oh, are you on the team? +Oh, are you on the team? No, a couple of the players and me were joking around and, uh, I fell off the school. +Oh he can hold you. He weighs two- hundred-and-thirty pounds. A real Clydesdale, huh Warren? +So who you taking to the prom? Huh? +Huh? The prom -- you going? +The prom -- you going? Oh, I don't know. I think proms are pretty dumb. +Oh, I don't know. I think proms are pretty dumb. 'Cause I thought maybe you and I could go if you weren't already taking someone. +'Cause I thought maybe you and I could go if you weren't already taking someone. I mean dumb in the sense that they only happen once a year. +Hi, Ted. Hi, Mary. +I'm sorry. I should've told you, he's got a thing about his ears. Oh. Okay. I gotcha. +Oh. Okay. I gotcha. Are you all right? +Are you all right? Oh yeah. +Ted, are you okay? Just a minute. +Ted, I'm so sorry. Are you going to be okay? You betcha! +You asshole, what are you -- Mary! Is that you? Who's that? +Oh my God... Ted. What are you...? I can't believe this. I haven't seen you since -- Yup, that's right. Junior prom... kinda. +Yup, that's right. Junior prom... kinda. And did everything -- ? +And did everything -- ? Oh yeah, healed right up. No visible scars. +I can't believe he remembered you. He never remembers anybody. You know I tried to call you for weeks after that. Really? I never got a message. +Really? I never got a message. That's weird. I talked to your brother Jimmy five or six times. +By the way, how's he doing? He's dead. +He's dead. Oh, Ted I'm so sorry to hear that. +Oh, Ted I'm so sorry to hear that. No, it was a good thing. I mean, good in that it was very quick. +Oh. So... what brings you down here? Funny story. You see, me and a buddy of mine decided to... ah... you know... just... drive down. +Well you look great. Are you married, do you have kids? Nope, nope -- dodged a few bullets. God, I cannot believe I'm standing here with Mary Jenson. +Nope, nope -- dodged a few bullets. God, I cannot believe I'm standing here with Mary Jenson. Actually, it's Mary Brooks now. +Actually, it's Mary Brooks now. Oh... are you... ? +Oh... are you... ? Nope, haven't walked the plank yet. There was this guy back in college who was bothering me... got kind of ugly -- a restraining order, the whole bit. Anyway, when I got out of Princeton I changed my name as a precaution. +Nope, haven't walked the plank yet. There was this guy back in college who was bothering me... got kind of ugly -- a restraining order, the whole bit. Anyway, when I got out of Princeton I changed my name as a precaution. Jeez... that sounds awful. Hey, what do you say we go out to dinner tonight, catch up on old times? +I'm kidding. I'd really love to, Ted, but the thing is I already have plans. How about tomorrow night? Mary, we haven't seen each other in twelve years. Don't make me wait another day. +Hey. Hi, Ted. +Hi, Ted. You look great. +You look great. Thanks. +What's that? Hm? +Hm? On your ear, you've got something. +Sure. Oh great, I ran out. +Now by killer, you mean...? I mean he murdered someone and did time back in Boston. The guy's a freak. +I mean he murdered someone and did time back in Boston. The guy's a freak. Jeez, Mary... I'm... +Jeez, Mary... I'm... Well, lucky for me I found out. Thank God I have friends like Tucker. Look, I'm sick of talking about stalkers. Let's talk about you. +You hit the ball pretty good for a fourteen. No short game. +We should play some time... I mean, if you can afford to lose some money. What are you? +What are you? Twenty-two. +Twenty-two. Bullshit, a twenty-two doesn't carry a one-iron -- don't sandbag me, lady. +Okay, sometimes I'm a nineteen. That's more like it. Two more nitrate-sicles please. +Nitrate-sicles -- I like that. I say they should put more meats on a stick, you know? They got a lot of sweets on sticks -- popsicles, fudgesicles, lollipops -- but hardly any meat. +I say they should put more meats on a stick, you know? They got a lot of sweets on sticks -- popsicles, fudgesicles, lollipops -- but hardly any meat. I agree there should be more. +You know what I'd like to see? Meat in a cone. You could put corned beef hash in a cone, or chopped liver. I like it. And think of the toppings -- cheese, mushrooms, mint jelly +I like it. And think of the toppings -- cheese, mushrooms, mint jelly Not to mention ketchup and hot peppers. +It's too bad you don't live down here, Ted. Yeah? +Yeah? We've got a lot in common. +Well... why don't you move back? Ah, my roots here are too deep. I love my practice, the people I work with, Warren's got a nice thing going Why don't you just move down here and marry me? +So you're a writer? Trying to be. +Trying to be. Well good for you. I bet it works out for you. +Well good for you. I bet it works out for you. We'll see. If it doesn't, what the hell, at least I gave it a shot. +We'll see. If it doesn't, what the hell, at least I gave it a shot. That's right. And the good thing is you can do it anywhere. +That's right. And the good thing is you can do it anywhere. What about you, Mare? How the hell'd you manage to stay single? +What about you, Mare? How the hell'd you manage to stay single? I don't know... My friends think I'm too picky. I think I'm just a weirdo magnet. I did come close once -- just last year, in fact. There was this guy he lived in San Francisco. +...and then it was all over. We haven't spoken since. Wow. That's too bad. He sounds almost perfect. +Wow. That's too bad. He sounds almost perfect. Yeah... almost. You want to come up and watch Sportscenter? +Yeah... almost. You want to come up and watch Sportscenter? Uh no. I think I'm gonna get out while I'm ahead. +Ted... you're not that far ahead. Look, Mary, the truth is... I'll be in town for a while now but I don't think we should see each other for a few weeks. +Look, Mary, the truth is... I'll be in town for a while now but I don't think we should see each other for a few weeks. Why not? +Why not? Well... to be honest... I'm really crazy about you and it's making me nervous and when I get nervous I'm not myself and I'm afraid I'm going to doing something really dumb before we get started so I think I should just lay back until I regain my composure. +That's really sweet, Ted, but you should save it for one of your books. All right, let's go. +Um, Ted, I need a moment with Magda -- would you let the dog out of the bathroom. Yeah, sure. +Uh, Mare, what kind of dog is Puffy? Toy poodle! +Get out. Wait, hold on, Mary -- it's not as bad as it sounds. I certainly didn't know -- +Wait, hold on, Mary -- it's not as bad as it sounds. I certainly didn't know -- That you put a murderer on my trail? +That you put a murderer on my trail? Well yeah, I didn't know much about him. I just thought -- +Well yeah, I didn't know much about him. I just thought -- What did you think, Ted? That you could spy on me and trick me into thinking you were someone I could... really go for? +Mary, I swear I wasn't trying to trick you. Then what the fuck did you do it for? +Then what the fuck did you do it for? I did it because because I'd never stopped thinking about you and if I didn't find you I knew my life would never be good again. +Please leave. Mary, come on... +Mary, come on... Go! +Go! Okay. +Woogie and I went out for awhile in high school. You're Woogie? +What what are you doing here? You forgot your keys! +Ted...? I... I just want you to be happy, Mary. +I... I just want you to be happy, Mary. But I think I'd be happiest... with you. +But but what about Steve? Oh yeah, that'd make golf real fun -- the guy doesn't even drink beer or gamble. +Get over here. Really? +Really? Really. +Yeah? What do you want? Um, hi, I'm Ted Peloquin. I'm here to take Mary to the prom. +Um, hi, I'm Ted Peloquin. I'm here to take Mary to the prom. Prom? You're about twenty minutes late. She just left for the prom with her boyfriend Woogie. +Jesus Christ, guy, what the hell were you doing?! I was playing a trick. I-I-I had a baseball. +What seems to be the situation here? You shit yourself or something? I wish. +I, uh... I got it stuck. You got what stuck? +You got what stuck? It. +It. It? Oh it. All right, these things happen, let me have a look. It's not the end of the world. +OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Shhhhhh! +Shhhhhh! Shirley, get in here! You gotta see this! +Shirley, get in here! You gotta see this! What?! No please, sir -- +What?! No please, sir -- She's a dental hygienist. She'll know what to do. +Is it the frank or the beans? I think a little of both. +One guess. How the hell'd you get the beans all the way up top like that? +How the hell'd you get the beans all the way up top like that? I don't know. It's not like it was a well thought-out plan. +You're looking at him. C'mere and take a look at this beauty. No, that's really unneces -- +Charlie, that's mean. Come on in, Ted. Don't listen to Mr. Wise Guy here. He's a joke a minute. Oh. Oh, that's a good one. +Teddy, hon, are you okay? OH HEAVENS TO PETE! Would you shhh! Mary's gonna hear us. +Would you shhh! Mary's gonna hear us. Just relax, dear. Now, um... what exactly are we looking at here? +Just relax, dear. Now, um... what exactly are we looking at here? What do you mean? +What do you mean? I mean is it... is it...? +No, no, please! Teddy, be brave. +Ho there. Oh God. +Oh God. Everything okay here? Neighbors said they heard a lady scream. +Now I've seen it all. What the hell were you thinking? I wasn't trying -- +I wasn't trying -- Is that bubble what I think it is? +Well, there's only one thing to do. No, no, no, I'll be fine. I'll just hang my shirttail out and work on it in the morning. +No, no, no, I'll be fine. I'll just hang my shirttail out and work on it in the morning. Look, son, this'll only hurt for a second. +No! I was pissing! Yeah, I'll bet you all were. Come on, in the truck. +Hey. So what's up? +So what's up? Eh. +Eh. Great. Great. So listen, uh, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to the prom you know, with me. +It's no big deal, whatever I mean, if you want. See, the thing is, I heard a rumor that this guy I like was gonna ask me. +See, the thing is, I heard a rumor that this guy I like was gonna ask me. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Yeah, so... I'm gonna wait and see what happens there... But that sounds great, yeah. +Okay. So is that a yes or a no? I think I was very clear, Ted. If everything else falls apart, maybe. +Piggyback ride. I don't mind. If you think he can hold me. +We're here, Warren. You wanna get off? Giddy-up. +Franks and beans! Jesus, I think her brother spotted me. +How are you doing, Warren? Good, Ted. Piggy back ride? +Good, Ted. Piggy back ride? I'm gonna take a rain check. +See you, Warren. Huh...? +See you, Warren. Bye, Ted. +Which is exactly what they appear to be preparing to do, Mr. President. We're tracking 26 ships inbound to Cuba. There's no sign they're changing course. The closest ships, the Gagarin and the Kimovsk, will make the quarantine line by this time tomorrow. We're concerned about the possibility of an incident with an innocent cargo carrier. If it turns ugly, the Russians could use an ugly incident and bad world opinion as leverage to force us to remove the quarantine. +We've been hailing the Groznyy for the last hour, Mr. Secretary. The Groznyy refuses to stop. What are you doing? +What are you doing? Carrying out our mission, Mr. Secretary. If you don't mind, we're very busy right now. We need to be able to do our jobs. +Carrying out our mission, Mr. Secretary. If you don't mind, we're very busy right now. We need to be able to do our jobs. Admiral, I asked you a question. +Yes, Captain, you may proceed. Clear your guns. What -- +Starshells. Get out of our way, Mr. Secretary. The navy has been running blockades since the days of John Paul Jones. +I believe the President made it clear that there would be no firing on ships without his express permission. With all due respect, Mr. Secretary, we were not firing on the ship. Firing on a ship means attacking the ship. We were not attacking the ship. We were firing over it. +With all due respect, Mr. Secretary, we were not firing on the ship. Firing on a ship means attacking the ship. We were not attacking the ship. We were firing over it. This was not the President's intention when he gave that order. What if the Soviets don't see the distention? What if they make the same mistake I just did? There will be no firing anything near ANY Soviet ships without my express permission, is that understood, Admiral? +This was not the President's intention when he gave that order. What if the Soviets don't see the distention? What if they make the same mistake I just did? There will be no firing anything near ANY Soviet ships without my express permission, is that understood, Admiral? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. And I will only issue such instructions when ordered to by the President. John Paul Jones... you don't understand a thing, do you, Admiral? +This private assurance represents the word of the Highest Authority? Yes. +Yes. And it can be relayed beyond Comrade Khruschev's ears to the top circles of my government +And it can be relayed beyond Comrade Khruschev's ears to the top circles of my government Of course. Our pledge can be relayed to any government official Secretary Khruschev sees fit to satisfy. +With the caveat that it is not made public in any way, shape or form. And we must have an answer tomorrow at the latest. I cannot stress this point enough. Tomorrow... +Tomorrow... Tomorrow... +Good. Where the hell are you? +Jesus Christ, guys. What the hell's Khruschev thinking? Did you have any indication of this from Georgi? Any possible warning or sense of motivation? +Did you have any indication of this from Georgi? Any possible warning or sense of motivation? Complete snowjob. And then we went out and told the country they weren't putting missiles into Cuba. By the way, you realize we just lost the midterms. +He's right, Jack. Taylor is saying we may have some time. We've got to use it. So if there are alternatives that make sense -- and I'm not saying there are -- we need 'em. Need 'em fast. +So if there are alternatives that make sense -- and I'm not saying there are -- we need 'em. Need 'em fast. What about the allies? Congress? I think we may need to start letting key people know. And they're all scattered across the country for the campaign. We're going to need to get the U.N. staff in and warmed up. Jesus... I don't even know if we've got secure communications with half our embassies since that the Soviets got that cryptographer of ours. +What about the allies? Congress? I think we may need to start letting key people know. And they're all scattered across the country for the campaign. We're going to need to get the U.N. staff in and warmed up. Jesus... I don't even know if we've got secure communications with half our embassies since that the Soviets got that cryptographer of ours. We can't worry about everything right now. We've got to figure out what we're going to do before we worry about how we do it. +As if dealing with the Russians wasn't hard enough, we gotta worry about our own house. Tonight, listening to Taylor and Acheson, I kept seeing Burke and Dulles telling me all I had to do was sign on the dotted line. The invasion would succeed. Castro would be gone. Just like that. Easy. +There's still no sign they know that we know about the missiles. Been a lot of cloud cover; probably think we aren't getting any good product. We keep 'em in the dark as long as we can. But I sure as hell am going to test him. +Lying bastard. Lied to my face. We're split down the middle. If I held a vote I think airstrike would beat blockade by a vote or two. +We're split down the middle. If I held a vote I think airstrike would beat blockade by a vote or two. I want a consensus, Bobby. Consensus. Either air strike or blockade. Something everyone'll stand by even if they don't like it. I need it by Saturday. Make it happen. +I want a consensus, Bobby. Consensus. Either air strike or blockade. Something everyone'll stand by even if they don't like it. I need it by Saturday. Make it happen. What if I can't? +Well, I'm not. Then you'll call, right? +Goddamn Stevenson. Jesus. Peace at any price. You'd think nobody learned anything from World War Two. Somebody had to say it. I respect Adlai for having the guts to risk looking like an appeaser. +Somebody had to say it. I respect Adlai for having the guts to risk looking like an appeaser. We have to pull him. He's not going to be able to handle the Soviets in front of the U.N. Zorin will eat him alive. +We have to pull him. He's not going to be able to handle the Soviets in front of the U.N. Zorin will eat him alive. We've got bigger problems right now. +We're going to have to stop a ship eventually, show the quarantine's got teeth, or we'll prove McCone right. McNamara's on his way back here now. We need to pick the right ship. No subs. No armed boarding parties either. We need a little more time to figure this one out. +He gets it, but he's pissed. That's all well and good, but what do we say to 'em? +We were just debating who had it worse, us or George Washington and his guys. He didn't have to worry about nuclear weapons. +He didn't have to worry about nuclear weapons. Yeah, but the country didn't even exist as a country yet. It was a mess, and he didn't have a leg to stand on. +How does a guy get a rep like that? Doesn't matter to me. If I went down in history like Adams, I'd die happy. All they say about him today is -- +Who gives a shit about the midterms now? The Soviets are putting nuclear weapons ninety miles away from us. You mean there's something more important than votes? Didn't think I'd live to see the day, Ken. +The other thing is... ...I know. CIA and the military fucked us on the Bay of Pigs. +...I know. CIA and the military fucked us on the Bay of Pigs. They're going to be pressing for a military solution soon. We can't afford to let them ram their agenda down our throats. We need to come with options other than air strikes so we have some sort of choice here. +They're going to be pressing for a military solution soon. We can't afford to let them ram their agenda down our throats. We need to come with options other than air strikes so we have some sort of choice here. We got a bunch of smart guys. We lock 'em up together in there, kick 'em in the ass til they come up with options. +I'll do it. It's too politicized with you in there, anyway. They need to be able to stick their necks out. +It's too politicized with you in there, anyway. They need to be able to stick their necks out. It'll be the principals, a couple of the key guys from each department: the Executive Committee of the National Security Council. We'll call it EXCOM. +Jack, I'm as conniving as they come, but a sneak attack is just wrong. He's right. And things are happening too fast. It smells like the Bay of Pigs all over again. +What happened to speak when spoken to? Give it a rest. You were thinking the same thing, just didn't have the guts to take the heat. +Jesus... Rescind the order. Can all the Chiefs. Put Nitze, Gilpatric and the Undersecretaries in charge. +Rescind the order. Can all the Chiefs. Put Nitze, Gilpatric and the Undersecretaries in charge. We can't do that, Bobby. +Adlai's too weak! We have to convince Jack to pull him, get McCloy in there. You can't take him out this late in the game. +You can't take him out this late in the game. Zorin will eat him alive! +Zorin will eat him alive! Then talk to your brother, goddamn it. The two of you don't need any advice to get into trouble. +Then talk to your brother, goddamn it. The two of you don't need any advice to get into trouble. What's gotten into you? +Oh, still sore about this. Something your father would've come up with. +My father -- -- I'm just trying to make a point. This idea is that fucking bad. +Adlai can handle Zorin. He knows the inning and the score. He better. Because nobody thinks he's up to this. Nobody. +Where've you been? We've been trying to find you all morning. Helen and I went out for breakfast. EXCOM's not supposed to convene til eight. +Helen and I went out for breakfast. EXCOM's not supposed to convene til eight. We just got a second letter from Khruschev. The deal's off. +We're getting everyone together as fast as we can. What does the letter say? +What does the letter say? They want us to take our missiles out of Turkey along with the no invasion pledge. It looks like Fomin was a ploy after all, and they were just stalling for time. +And? And Jack wants to trade the missiles in Turkey. +And Jack wants to trade the missiles in Turkey. The Jupiters are obsolete. They were supposed to have been dismantled last summer anyway -- +The Jupiters are obsolete. They were supposed to have been dismantled last summer anyway -- -- Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I told you how stupid it was to float the Lippman article! But you wouldn't listen to me. What if there hasn't been a coup at all? What if it's you two who invited that second letter by raising the possibility of a trade? +All right, so maybe we overestimated how reasonable this trade would look. Okay? You happy? So now what? So now you've got to talk him out of it. And then we've got to figure out an acceptable political solution. +So now you've got to talk him out of it. And then we've got to figure out an acceptable political solution. And if there has been a coup and there is no acceptable political solution? +We gave so much to get here. I don't know. Sometimes I think what the hell did we do it for? Because we knew we could do a better job than everyone else. +Slow down. Smell that? Smoke. +Smoke. Just wanted to see for myself. They're burning their documents. +Yeah? Kenny. It's over. +Hey, Mac. You're up bright and early. No, Ken. I need to see him now... +What's it about? Cuba. +Helen just asked me what sort of arrangements we have for the families. I just checked myself. They're being issued identity cards. Call comes, and evacuation officers meet them at pre-arranged departure areas. They go by helicopter to Mount Weather. We meet them there. +What did you think of Lippman's column this morning? I think it's a bad idea. +You gotta stop 'em. We know it's Jack and Bobby's idea -- they leaked it to Lippman. The military guys are going ape, and they're not alone. Then they should speak up. +Then they should speak up. Christ, Ken, you know it's not that easy. +Christ, Ken, you know it's not that easy. Yes it is. +Yes it is. No it isn't. They don't trust the people that feel this way. But these people are right. And the Kennedys are wrong. We need you to tell 'em, Kenny. They'll listen to you. +Jack and Bobby are good men. But it takes a certain character, moral toughness to stand up to -- -- You listen to me. Nobody, nobody, talks about my friends that way. You're fucking here right now because of the Kennedys. They may be wrong. They make mistakes. But they're not weak. The weak ones are these 'people' who can't speak their own minds. +-- You listen to me. Nobody, nobody, talks about my friends that way. You're fucking here right now because of the Kennedys. They may be wrong. They make mistakes. But they're not weak. The weak ones are these 'people' who can't speak their own minds. You know I don't mean they're weak. +The sun came up today. Yeah. +Yeah. It shouldn't have. But it did. +Every day the sun comes up... says something about us. Says what, Kenny? +I am instructed to tell you that the American Government would respond favorably to an offer along the lines you have discussed. If this solution were raised at the U.N. by Ambassador Zorin, he would find a favorable reply from Ambassador Stevenson. So I understand you correctly. If the missiles in Cuba were dismantled, returned to the Soviet Union, and a guarantee was made not to reintroduce them, the United States would be prepared to guarantee that it would never invade Cuba? +So I understand you correctly. If the missiles in Cuba were dismantled, returned to the Soviet Union, and a guarantee was made not to reintroduce them, the United States would be prepared to guarantee that it would never invade Cuba? That is correct. +That is correct. This is from the Highest Authority? +This is from the Highest Authority? Yes. From the Highest Authority. There are two conditions. The U.N. must be allowed to inspect the removal of the missiles. +Yes. From the Highest Authority. There are two conditions. The U.N. must be allowed to inspect the removal of the missiles. And, of course, the U.N. must be allowed to observe the redeployment of forces from the American Southeast. +And the second condition? Time is of the essence. +John. How much time? 48 hours. In 48 hours there can be no deals. +Max. McCone's been notified and is coming back from the West coast. Carter's here, though. +We have high confidence in the expanded air strike option. The problem, Mr. President, is that it's a short-term solution. Khruschev can send more missiles next month. The Chiefs and I believe we should follow up the air strikes with the full version of OPLAN 316. An invasion... +An invasion... Yes, sir. We can be sure we get all the missiles, and we remove Castro so this can never happen again. +Is this the Chiefs' recommendation? Yes, sir. Our best option is to commence the strikes before the missiles are operational. The invasion happens eight days later. +How long until the army is ready? We've just begun the mobilization under cover of a pre-arranged exercise, sir. We're looking at another week and a half, Mr. President. +Guess we can't blame Khruschev for a few patriotic farmers. And the ships? Still heading for Cuba. +Still heading for Cuba. All right. Then I guess it's time. +-- I have the authority. I am the commander-in-chief of the United States, and I say when we go to war! We are not at war, sir, not until we're at DEFCON 1. +We are not at war, sir, not until we're at DEFCON 1. General, the Joint Chiefs have just signaled our intent to escalate to the Soviets. You have signaled an escalation which I had no wish to signal, and which I did not approve. +So which one of you geniuses can tell me how to explain ourselves to the world? How do we work with them if there's been a hard-line coup? Mr. President, there is another possibility we haven't considered. This may not be a coup at all. +Then we have no choice. General, issue the warning orders to our forces. They will be prepared to execute the air strikes Monday morning and the follow-on invasion according to the schedule thereafter. I'll need the official release orders on my desk Sunday night. Understood, sir. We need to step up the overflights, finalize our pilots' target folders in order to be able to carry out the strikes. +Does this attack on our plane represent a definitive, intentional escalation on the part of the Soviets? The Soviets are in control of the SAMs. It's hard to believe with their centralized command structure that it could be an accidental launch. +Don't forget, Mrs. Higgins wants to talk to you this afternoon about Kevin. You need to do something about this. Kids are supposed to get detention. +When are you going to be home? I don't know, Helen. I want you to keep the kids close tomorrow. Leave the T.V. on, sleep with it on in the bedroom until I tell you you can turn it off. +I don't know, Helen. I want you to keep the kids close tomorrow. Leave the T.V. on, sleep with it on in the bedroom until I tell you you can turn it off. What's happened? +What's happened? Nothing. Nothing you don't know about. Tomorrow's the big day. Just have the car ready to go if I call or if the Civil Defense Warning comes on. +Nothing. Nothing you don't know about. Tomorrow's the big day. Just have the car ready to go if I call or if the Civil Defense Warning comes on. What happens to you? I'm not leaving without you. +What happens to you? I'm not leaving without you. I'll be evacuated with the President. +If you're home it means either Jack and Bobby have finally figured out what a con man you are and fired you, or -- -- we got a back channel communication from Khruschev this evening feeling us out about a deal. He confirmed it just a little while ago in a letter to the President. I think we've won. +-- we got a back channel communication from Khruschev this evening feeling us out about a deal. He confirmed it just a little while ago in a letter to the President. I think we've won. A thing like this... who could even think of winning? +I saw you out there. You want him to call you back, need you. No. I'm glad I'm home. +How's my favorite President? Busy. But you've got his heart. +Busy. But you've got his heart. I want an hour with him. +I want an hour with him. I said his heart, not his attention. +I said his heart, not his attention. Three weeks before midterm elections? You need me. +Three weeks before midterm elections? You need me. Well. There is a new civil rights initiative he wants to talk about. +Well. There is a new civil rights initiative he wants to talk about. I'm doing a piece on Skybolt. I hear Macmillan's meeting with him in Nassau. +Pretending there isn't a problem won't fix it. He can clear the air on Anglo American relations. Forget it, Scotty. +Forget it, Scotty. Let him talk to me, he makes Macmillan look good, I print it, the British public likes it, Macmillan owes you. +It's Tuesday. You said to call. When do I get my 45 minutes? Tell you what. We're in Connecticut tomorrow for Ribicoff. I'll get you up front with him during the flight. +Tell you what. We're in Connecticut tomorrow for Ribicoff. I'll get you up front with him during the flight. Deal. +Kenny! What happened? They didn't let me up front, said the President was on the phone the whole time. He was. +He was. Yeah? Who was he talking to? Acheson? Come on, O'Donnell, everyone's wondering what's going on. What's Acheson doing in town? And don't give me some bullshit about DNC think tanks. Acheson's Mr. Cold War. +Yeah? Who was he talking to? Acheson? Come on, O'Donnell, everyone's wondering what's going on. What's Acheson doing in town? And don't give me some bullshit about DNC think tanks. Acheson's Mr. Cold War. Why don't you ask him yourself? You can have him on the way home. +Why don't you ask him yourself? You can have him on the way home. I'm giving you a chance here: talk to me. You can influence how this thing unfolds. +There are major rail disruptions in the South, two airborne divisions are on alert. That exercise is an invasion. Well, you know how Bobby has it in for the State of Mississippi. +Well, you know how Bobby has it in for the State of Mississippi. This is about Cuba. +Secretary of Defense... Dean Rusk! +Dean Rusk! Wrong, and you get to wax my car. +Hey, sport. You winning? Yeah. +I guess you won't be coming home tonight. I, uh... +Get back out there, kid. Remember to hit 'em hard. What about you? Where are you going? +What about you? Where are you going? Back to work. +I was eating that. No you weren't. +No you weren't. I was, you bastard. +So what've we got today? Today, for your information, is Pulaski Day. We're going to Buffalo... +Still think Cuba isn't important? Not as far as the election goes. +Should be here any minute. Good. +No choice. This is going to cost lives any way we go. Do nothing, and it could be 80 million of ours. We have to get rid of those missiles. There've got to be alternatives to just going out and bombing them. +Okay. Kenny and I only show for the meetings you call us into. Impress us. And do it fast. You're in charge of keeping this quiet. If word gets out before we know what we're going to do, there'll be panic. And it'll ruin any chance of surprise if we decide to hit them. Then we need to do a few things right away. No Pierre. He knows, the press knows. You're going to have to keep up your schedule -- your movements are followed too closely. And we need to get these guys out of the White House. George Ball's got a conference room at State. Reconvene over there this afternoon, come back here tonight. +Call me Irish, but I don't believe in cooler heads prevailing. Acheson's scenario is unacceptable. And he has more experience than anyone. +Acheson's scenario is unacceptable. And he has more experience than anyone. There is no expert on this subject, no wise old man. +Let's get out of here. Cheer up, you've neutralized the entire White House Press Corps for a day. +Have you canceled Chicago and the rest of the weekend yet? You don't show for Chicago, everyone'll know there's something going on. +You don't show for Chicago, everyone'll know there's something going on. I don't care. Cancel it. +I don't care. Cancel it. No way. +I'm not calling and canceling on Daly. You call and cancel on Daly. You're scared to cancel on Daly. +You're scared to cancel on Daly. Damn right I'm scared. +We have to try the blockades. It probably won't work. It may just be delaying the inevitable. But we can't just go to war without trying not to. I don't know. I don't know. +You'd worry that something was wrong if Congress offered you unconditional support. They want this fucking job, they can have it. It's no great joy to me. +I don't like what's happening. In the morning I'm taking charge of the blockade from the situation room. McNamara'll set up shop in the flag plot at the Pentagon, keep an eye on things there. +In the morning I'm taking charge of the blockade from the situation room. McNamara'll set up shop in the flag plot at the Pentagon, keep an eye on things there. All right. 'Cause you get armed boarders climbing into Soviet ships, shots being fired across bows... +All right. 'Cause you get armed boarders climbing into Soviet ships, shots being fired across bows... I know, I know... +I know, I know... What about these low-level flights? They're starting in what? An hour? Do you realize what you're letting yourself in for? +What about these low-level flights? They're starting in what? An hour? Do you realize what you're letting yourself in for? We need those flights. We have to know when those missiles become operational, because when they do, we need to destroy them. +We need those flights. We have to know when those missiles become operational, because when they do, we need to destroy them. Fair enough. But Castro's on alert and we're flying attack planes over their sites, on the deck. There's no way for them to know they're carrying cameras, not bombs. They're going to be shot at, plain and simple. +I'm your political advisor, and I'm giving you political analysis here. This is a setup. The Chiefs want to go in. It's the only way they can redeem themselves for the Bay of Pigs. They have to go in, and they have to do it right. It's that simple. I'm gonna protect those pilots. +How does a man get to a place where he can say, 'throw those lives away,' so easily? Maybe it's harder for them to say it than they let on. At the very least, they believe it's in our best interest. And at the end of the day, they may end up being right. +That's going to be tough. You know how these guys are about their chains of command... Any problems, you remind them those chains of commands end at one place. Me. +We can horsetrade with Khruschev on ships. But it doesn't get us any closer to removing those missiles. Have to hope it's a signal that he'll back down on the real issue too. +He's right, we can't rescind DEFCON 2. The Soviets will think we've gotten sweet on them. And we can't purge the Chiefs. Our invasion talk will look like a bluff. Or even that there's been an attempted coup. +What's that? Oh, just a bunch of crap about withdrawing our Jupiter missiles in Turkey if the Soviets'll do the same in Cuba. +I don't want to listen to this again. If we made a trade, we'd be giving in to extortion, and NATO would never trust us again. We'll get clobbered in world opinion. +If we made a trade, we'd be giving in to extortion, and NATO would never trust us again. We'll get clobbered in world opinion. It's a goddman trial balloon. Trial is the operative word, here. +It's a goddman trial balloon. Trial is the operative word, here. Then somebody'd better deny it publicly. +Jesus Christ, O'Donnell, you're the one saying we need to move forward on a political solution. Yeah, a good political solution. +Didn't know Adlai had it in him. Too bad he didn't have this stuff in '52. Zorin must not have gotten instructions. Somebody in their Foreign Ministry's blown it big-time. +Hello? I've got to move. What do you have, Kenny? +I've got to move. What do you have, Kenny? They know each other! Khruschev and Feklisov aka Fomin were war buddies! +They know each other! Khruschev and Feklisov aka Fomin were war buddies! You're sure... +You're sure... Don't take it to court, but we've got good circumstantial evidence... Walter agrees. My gut's telling me Khruschev's turning to a trusted old friend to carry his message. +Don't take it to court, but we've got good circumstantial evidence... Walter agrees. My gut's telling me Khruschev's turning to a trusted old friend to carry his message. Okay, Ken. We're going. +We give them something. We tell them we'll remove the missiles from Turkey say, six months from now so that there appears to be no linkage. We also tell them if they go public about it, we deny it and the deal is off. And we do it under the table so we can disavow any knowledge of it. +Moving the line. Stroke of genius. Of course it is. But the President needs to realize we're going to have to stop a ship eventually. +You must think I'm blind and stupid. I've already gotten the birds and bees from Bobby. The President doesn't have to double-barrel me. Listen to me, goddamn it. We're talking about a possible nuclear war. You dropped the ball on Bay of Pigs -- +Listen to me, goddamn it. We're talking about a possible nuclear war. You dropped the ball on Bay of Pigs -- -- you sonofabitch, goddamn it, I didn't drop -- +-- you sonofabitch, goddamn it, I didn't drop -- You were in the room. It was your purview. It was your job to make sure Bissel wasn't fucking us over and you didn't do it. You've got the most important job in the world right now. You're the smartest guy the President has. Besides me. +At least it will expose whether Khruschev has been overthrown. We'll know what we're dealing with. And if this is a move to appease the hard line, then it may just be the bone he needs to regain control of his own house. +Dangle a settlement, tie us down in negotiations, we come up short... Why else would they approach us in this way? It's deniable. The Soviets have done nothing but lie to us. This could be more of the same. +Why else would they approach us in this way? It's deniable. The Soviets have done nothing but lie to us. This could be more of the same. That may be why Khruschev's introducing this guy. We've been burned by his usual players in the formal channels, so he brings in an honest broker. +That may be why Khruschev's introducing this guy. We've been burned by his usual players in the formal channels, so he brings in an honest broker. That may be what they want us to think. +My specialists are in agreement: this morning's letter is not Khruschev. Last night's letter was. The evidence supports only one conclusion: there has been a coup, and Khruschev was replaced overnight. Jesus Christ... +It's transparent. The press'll be all over it. Six months from now, I'm not going to care. Are you? We'll deal with it. +Bob. Bet you had a late night. Sleep is for the weak, Mr. President. +Bob? We've worked up several military scenarios. Before I ask General Taylor to lead us through the various options, I'd like for us to adopt a rule. If we are going to strike, we must agree now that we will do it before the missiles become operational. Because once they are, I don't think we can guarantee getting them all before at least some are launched. +Bob, is there any way we can avoid stopping a submarine first? I'm afraid not, Mr. President. The sub has positioned itself between the Pierce and the Soviet ships. Admiral Anderson insists it's too much of a risk to proceed with stopping the freighters. The Pierce would be a sitting duck for the sub. +Captain, force the sub to the surface for inspection. Mr. President! We're receiving reports that the ships are stopping! +Mr. President! We're receiving reports that the ships are stopping! Captain, belay that order! Bob, where's that coming from! +Captain, belay that order! Bob, where's that coming from! Just a second, Mr. President. +Just a second, Mr. President. Will somebody find out what's going on?! +Hey. Hey. Nice tie. +Hey. Nice tie. Don't get too attached. +Yeah. You're my hero, Carl. +You're my hero, Carl. Heroes ain't supposed to shake. I'm shakin', man, look at me. +Heroes ain't supposed to shake. I'm shakin', man, look at me. Breathe, Carl. Four, nice, deep ones. +Anyone stops us going in, we're with the Bowen-Hamilton Textile Company. We have rug samples. Rug samples. +Rug samples. We are one-dimensional, boring peddlers of fine carpet, Carl. +Jesus Christ, Larry, what the fu-- Larry. That's not even your name, is it? What's your real name, you fucking scumbag? Don't have one, Carl. I have a number, man. Just like the numbers on those treasury checks. You stole from your own country, Carl. Shame on you. +I thought we were staying on the reservation. Yes. Rooms thirteen and fourteen are on Indian land. +Yes. Rooms thirteen and fourteen are on Indian land. I see. +I see. Are you hungry? I have some nice raw kidney in the truck. +Are you hungry? I have some nice raw kidney in the truck. Oh, I'm set, Sir. I'm set. +Mr. Clear Moon. Our police are afraid of them. Please get them out of here. +They're going to kill me next. That's what I hear. These new Indians are destroying everything. Our people are a quiet people. They can lead us to Jimmy. Just let them go. We're tightening the net on him. We know he's on the reservation. +Now keep that between us, Dennis, cuz I don't know what kinda Johnny Law they got here. Hey, Brooks, come over here. I want you to meet a coupla fellas from Denver. +Brooks, what's a perceptive fellow like you, doing in a joint like this? Let me buy you a glass of some of that Russian shit you like. FBI? What you investigatin'? +FBI? What you investigatin'? A murder. On the reservation. +A murder. On the reservation. Again. Figures, man. +You know how in your big cities, you got your niggers and you got your Puerto Ricans? Well out here we got Indians. That's just the way it is. The only good Indian is a dead Indian, does that old adage still hold true out here? +What are you doing? James Looks Twice? +James Looks Twice? That's right. What are you doing here? This is a religious ceremony you're desecrating. +What's this about? Your good friend Leo Fast Elk. +Your good friend Leo Fast Elk. You think I killed him? Cuz he was an apple? Well, let me tell you something about Leo, Man -- +You think I killed him? Cuz he was an apple? Well, let me tell you something about Leo, Man -- "-- don't ""man"" me, Jimmy. Where's the key?" +Levoi, Cooch. Raymond Levoi, Criminal Division. Oh, yeah -- right. +Interesting bloodline you have, Ray. French, Scots-Irish, Italian, ...and one-eighth American Indian. Sioux Indian, right? +Ray, there's been a homicide out in an area known as The Badlands. Indian Reservation. It's not the first. There's been several. And our field office in Rapid City is getting a lot of heat... none of the investigations have turned up jack shit. +It's not the first. There's been several. And our field office in Rapid City is getting a lot of heat... none of the investigations have turned up jack shit. The main problem is, Ray, these people are extremely distrustful of outsiders, non-Indians. Relations have not been amicable. +The main problem is, Ray, these people are extremely distrustful of outsiders, non-Indians. Relations have not been amicable. Different culture. Hard to penetrate. The Indians don't like white cops poking around. And that's why we're in a position where we have to bring in an American Indian agent. +Taking ol' Leo somewhere? Leo's been out here too long, man. I'm taking him to ceremonial burial. +Nice piece. You come back here to cover your tracks, Geronimo? What's your name? It ain't Geronimo. +It ain't Geronimo. Who are you? +Who are you? I think maybe you guys got off the wrong exit, yeah? This is the Bear Creek Indian Reservation. +I know where I am. I'm on federal land, doing a federal investigation, and if you don't wanna cooperate you can take a ride in a federal car, and spend the rest of the day in a little room, answering federal questions. It's your call. Who are you? I'm a full blood Oglala Sioux, born and raised on this reservation. +I'm a full blood Oglala Sioux, born and raised on this reservation. You're a wise-ass. Ray check his wallet. +We got the wire ya was comin'. You're the Indian official, yeah? No. No, that's Ray, here. Ray, uh... Ray... Little Weasel. +Leo's gotta get to burial, Brother. He's gotta make the journey. What journey? +What journey? Tell him, Ray. +-- an Indian Reservation is within the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of Intimidation. I know that. Good. Thank you. +Somebody must be doing something somewhere in your jurisdiction, Officer Crow Foot. You ain't gonna cut his hands off and send 'em to Washinton, are ya? They done that to one of our girls once. Leo did quillwork, he's gonna need his hands. +Respect the dead, Hoss. Because when -- -- did you understand me when I said that -- +-- did you understand me when I said that -- -- violation of the Major Crimes Act on an Indian Reservation is within the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of Instigation. I know that. +-- violation of the Major Crimes Act on an Indian Reservation is within the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of Instigation. I know that. Goodbye. +What the hell you doing?! His mother needs a piece of his hair. It's for the Keeping of the Souls Ceremony. Has to be kept for four days. +South Dakota... Did I do something unsatisfactory, Sir? No, Ray. You're gonna have to blame that on your grandmother. +I didn't know him, Sir. He passed away when I was six. Seven. +Those are two agents who went into a reservation a few years ago to serve a warrant. They were executed at close range. That one there is a police officer killed by the Mohawks up in Canada more recently. Jesus... +Jesus... The agents who have worked out here say its like going into Nam. Unfamiliar terrain, foreign language, foreign customs... and you never know when you might walk into a few rounds. They hold a lot of old anger for the white man out here. +Were you in Nam? Airborne. That's where they used to get us agents from. Now we get 'em from Carnegie-Melon, Ivy League. Accountants and computer whiz-kids. Yuppies with guns. That's scary shit. +"Hey, hey, hey. J. Edgar would've loved you. He'd love anybody who joined the bureau to, what was it? ""To enforce the laws of my country and protect her interests""?" You crashed my file? +You crashed my file? No. I consulted it. We're going into Indian Country, I wanna know what kind of individual is covering my ass. Don't you? +Six rounds. 357. That's what it looks like, doesn't it? But that's what a ten gauge, choke-bored, shotgun will look like when it hits your lower back from five feet away. +Somebody was serious about doing this guy, that's for sure. Ray. +This is a restricted area. Check him out, Ray. +I did. Who the fuck is he? +Who the fuck is he? -- a fucking cop. +Leo has to take the journey, Cooch. We'll have to give Leo a refund. Because he's gotta go to the M.E. In case you don't know, Officer, violation of the Major Crimes Act on -- +Leo's gonna need his hands, Cooch. He does quillwork. I think Leo's retired from quillwork for the moment. +Keeping of the souls. Do they still burn their dead or something? Beats the hell outta me. +No. That's Ray here. Ray... Ray Levoi, Sir. Pleasure. +Water. Worth killing for out here, I'd think. Get the plate numbers off everyone of these cars. +Get the plate numbers off everyone of these cars. I already did. +Couldn't sleep. Good. +Maisy Blue Legs place? How'd you know? +How'd you know? I got one up on ya. +I got one up on ya. Go ahead. +Go ahead. I've got the doer. I know who he is. +Meet me at base. Over. Cooch. You're my hero. +Who is he? One of the leaders of the Warriors of All Red Nations. Militant organization. +White eagle feather through the circle. That's their symbol. That's right. +They obviously wanted it to be known that they offed Leo. Some kind of statement. Jimmy Looks Twice put Leo's head through a glass door of the tribal offices three months ago. And threatened him several times since. President Clear Moon and the regional FBI feel he made good on that threat. +I'd just like five minutes alone with the motherfucker who hung that flag upside down. Easy, Cowboy. No vendettas on my ship. Now: remember what I told you about Nam? Watch the grass, watch the trees, watch the shit house, be on your toes, and if we get committed, don't hesitate to empty that sucker. +Easy, Cowboy. No vendettas on my ship. Now: remember what I told you about Nam? Watch the grass, watch the trees, watch the shit house, be on your toes, and if we get committed, don't hesitate to empty that sucker. Alright. Alright. +What'd she say? "She talks a lot of shit. We're not doing our job. Jimmy's innocent. ""What's the FBI really doing here."" Some shit about the Fort Laramie Treaty." +She took something from the house. What she called a medicine bundle. Most likely Jimmy's. Let's see it. +Let's see it. I gave it back to her. +That's good goddamn work, Ray. Let the salmon run. Let 'em run Upriver. Why we setting Eagle Bear up as an informant? +Why we setting Eagle Bear up as an informant? Her own people start to suspect her, it creates discord from within. The Warriors don't know who to trust, they start infighting, and Jimmy loses his support. +Her oil pan is shot. Cooch. What's the Fort Laramie Treaty? +Cooch. What's the Fort Laramie Treaty? Jesus, I don't know. You tell me. You're the Indian. +Cooch. Where the fuck did they send us? A long way from home. You be careful out there. +The right man? Talk to me, Ray. Whoever dusted Leo, dusted him from the driver's seat of a moving car then drove those eight miles to the Badlands. Jimmy Looks Twice has never been behind the wheel of a car. It's a known fact out here that he's petrified of driving. His parents were killed in a car wreck. +Genetic ditto on evidence found at the site with evidence you found in his belongings. An incontrovertible motive. And definite footprints on Jimmy Looks Twice at Maisy Blue Legs house. When did we get that? +When did we get that? Today. And now you -- there's a dog in the van -- +Today. And now you -- there's a dog in the van -- -- I know. I fed it, and I can't get rid of -- +-- I know. I fed it, and I can't get rid of -- You weren't sent here to go off on your own detail, Ray. You were sent here to assist in a Selective Operations Unit. These regional agents are inept -- that's why they were sent out here to The Graveyard, to Indian Country. I need you behind me, Ray. Not pulling against me. +You weren't sent here to go off on your own detail, Ray. You were sent here to assist in a Selective Operations Unit. These regional agents are inept -- that's why they were sent out here to The Graveyard, to Indian Country. I need you behind me, Ray. Not pulling against me. I'm not trying to pull against you, Cooch. I've just been having nightmares about the way Leo was killed. +I'm not trying to pull against you, Cooch. I've just been having nightmares about the way Leo was killed. Your first homicide, that's gonna happen, Ray... +Your first homicide, that's gonna happen, Ray... I just wanna make sure no one else gets done in that way because we were in bed with the wrong doer. +I just wanna make sure no one else gets done in that way because we were in bed with the wrong doer. Ray. I never get into bed with somebody unless I know for sure. Just the way I was raised. +Alright. Alright... Yeah, alright, alright -- fuck you -- give a yuppie a badge and he wants to take over the world. Go get a tail on Eagle Bear, and stay with her. Cuz Jimmy's gonna show. And I want you to make the collar. +I'll sleep around a little. Thanks, Cooch. +Thanks, Cooch. And get rid of the dog. +Bastards... All I could think of was... not here. I don't wanna eat it on an Indian Reservation, three thousand miles from home. +All I could think of was... not here. I don't wanna eat it on an Indian Reservation, three thousand miles from home. He's out there. He's out there playing Sitting Bull with us. I want the motherfucker so bad I'm getting a bleeding ulcer. +"It may have been Maggie's way of saying ""get off my ass.""" She's that subtle? +She's that subtle? Eagle's claws and a bear's balls that's what her profile says. +Eagle's claws and a bear's balls that's what her profile says. Well, she's running now, too. These fucking people like to run, don't -- +Well, she's running now, too. These fucking people like to run, don't -- -- Cooch. Woh. Stop. +Tread matches. It's the car. Yes. +And it was full of water when I drove by here three days ago. Full. I mean... a river. The Little Walking River. You're right. This is part of it. So whoever sunk this car didn't compensate for drought. Goddamn. +Jesus, you alright? Yeah. I... I fell asleep. I can't believe it. I -- +Yeah. I... I fell asleep. I can't believe it. I -- Never turn your radio off! I thought I was gonna find you scalped! Damn it! +Never turn your radio off! I thought I was gonna find you scalped! Damn it! Sorry, Cooch. I lost Eagle Bear -- +Sorry, Cooch. I lost Eagle Bear -- -- never mind Eagle Bear. We've got Jimmy nailed. Let's go! +Listen: when we get back tomorrow, you're gonna find Tully laying a promotion on you. S.A.C. He wants to prove that his yuppie agents are making good. He's offering you New York. Tell him you want Atlanta. Why? +Why? Cuz I want New York. +You ever put your hands on me again and you'll be doing the books for a baitshop in the fucking Everglades, Mister. You didn't tell me about Red Deer Table -- +You didn't tell me about Red Deer Table -- -- what the hell is Red Deer Table? +-- what the hell is Red Deer Table? What is it? It's genocide, that's what it is. It's a Pay Zone for some U.S. corporation and a Dead Zone for the people here. Uranium, Cooch. +This was a Selective Operations Unit, Agent Levoi. There is classified information pertaining to our national security. You don't question that, you don't go digging into that shit -- that's insubordination. Jesus Christ -- -- if they mine uranium there, these people will have no place left to go... +-- if they mine uranium there, these people will have no place left to go... We were sworn in on the Constitution to protect federal matters, Ray. I don't know about uranium, I don't know about Red Dog Table -- all I know is we did our job. It's over. +We were sworn in on the Constitution to protect federal matters, Ray. I don't know about uranium, I don't know about Red Dog Table -- all I know is we did our job. It's over. We neutralized anybody with a voice. Leo, Jimmy... Eagle Bear. Anyone who was standing in the way of the land. Is that it? +We neutralized anybody with a voice. Leo, Jimmy... Eagle Bear. Anyone who was standing in the way of the land. Is that it? No. We neutralized enemies of the United States. Anti-American radicals who have killed federal officers out here! +Come on, Ray. Come forward. No way, Cooch. +Ray... Let the press through. +I said when can Leo be taken to ceremony? After we've completed our investigation. +What are you -- Watch out! +What?! You're steppin' on sign. +Hey. Hey, you, listen up -- -- Leo wasn't killed here. He was dumped here. Out of a vehicle. Bald tread. Muffler held on with baling wire. +Big sonuvabuck. Based on the depth of that print, pressure releases... I'd say he goes two-ten, two-fifteen -- Bullshit. +Bullshit. -- Well, maybe two-seventeen. +-- Well, maybe two-seventeen. You're trying to tell me you can read all that from a track? +You're trying to tell me you can read all that from a track? No. Not just a track. You gotta listen to the trees, man. To the leaves. To this sand, you FBI's kicked all up. You gotta listen to the earth. +No. Not just a track. You gotta listen to the trees, man. To the leaves. To this sand, you FBI's kicked all up. You gotta listen to the earth. Is that right? Well, listen to this: drag your ass. This is a restricted area. +Is that right? Well, listen to this: drag your ass. This is a restricted area. No, this is the home of the Oglala Sioux and I want the dog-fucker who killed Leo. Whether you get him or I get him, I just want him. Shit's been goin' on too long. +No, this is the home of the Oglala Sioux and I want the dog-fucker who killed Leo. Whether you get him or I get him, I just want him. Shit's been goin' on too long. You've got no jurisdiction. +You've got no jurisdiction. You got no know-how. About Indian Way. Or about Jack Shit for that matter. +You got no know-how. About Indian Way. Or about Jack Shit for that matter. Maybe you're not aware of this, Crow Horse, but I just flew in from a place called the Twentieth Century where we have such things as electrostatic tracking methods, psycholingusitics, DNA fingerprinting; I don't have to crawl around with the scorpions and talk to the fucking trees to get answers. Leo was killed right here. +Maybe you're not aware of this, Crow Horse, but I just flew in from a place called the Twentieth Century where we have such things as electrostatic tracking methods, psycholingusitics, DNA fingerprinting; I don't have to crawl around with the scorpions and talk to the fucking trees to get answers. Leo was killed right here. Go back to the M.E., take a look inside Leo's exit wounds and tell me how chicken feed got in there. Trust me, there ain't chickens in the Badlands. His mother's place is -- +Go back to the M.E., take a look inside Leo's exit wounds and tell me how chicken feed got in there. Trust me, there ain't chickens in the Badlands. His mother's place is -- -- his mother never lived here. She was from up in North Dakota. +-- his mother never lived here. She was from up in North Dakota. I'm talkin' his spiritual mother. Maisy Blue Legs. +I'm talkin' his spiritual mother. Maisy Blue Legs. His spiritual mother... +His spiritual mother... To us Indians, our spiritual relatives are as close as family. I've got seven mothers on this reservation. Sisters. Brothers. You ain't one of them. +To us Indians, our spiritual relatives are as close as family. I've got seven mothers on this reservation. Sisters. Brothers. You ain't one of them. Thank God. Now listen to me, asshole. I'm giving you a break. But if my partner finds out you're here, you're gonna be reading rat tracks in Sioux Falls Maximum Security. +Thank God. Now listen to me, asshole. I'm giving you a break. But if my partner finds out you're here, you're gonna be reading rat tracks in Sioux Falls Maximum Security. Easy. Easy... I'm goin'. +You're an easy man to track, Ray. Ya walk like a penguin with a hard-on. Is that right? What are the trees saying today? +Is that right? What are the trees saying today? They're sayin' that nobody's gonna talk to you cuz they don't give away one of their own. But they did say there's somebody way across the Little Walking River who wants to talk to you. +He sent me to find ya. He says he's got information. Let's go. +Grandpa Samuel Reaches. Heavy duty medicine. Medicine. As in medicine man? +Why does he wanna see me? Good question. Hardly sees anybody anymore. Hasn't left this place in twenty years. Did you bring some tobacco? +What did he say? He wants to know if you ever watch the Cookie Monster. He says the Cookie Monster is not to be trusted -- a trickster. +But he is not unhappy with you because he knows you. He knows me? +He knows me? He says he saw you in a vision some time ago. +What's he smoke in that? Sacred herbs. Tobacco. Don't worry, we don't smoke no Mexican agriculture in The Pipe. That's a white man's myth. This is a sacrament. +What did he say? He said he doesn't know. +He said he doesn't know. He just did the Gettysburg Address in Sioux. What did he say? +What was he saying? Why should I tell you. +Why should I tell you. Because he was talking to me. +The old man saw an owl. Over there in the dry wash. Last week. And... +And... He saw an owl. +So what? The owl is a messenger. When one shows itself to a Sioux... it means someone's gonna die. The owl told him about Leo. +The owl told him about Leo. That's incredible. I guess we just broke the back of this investigation, didn't we? Evidence doesn't get any harder than that -- not for my money. Is there anyway we can seduce this owl into Federal Court? "He also said ""listen to the water.""" +"He also said ""listen to the water.""" Listen to the water. Listen to the owl. He also said, don't trust the fucking Cookie Monster. +Listen to the water. Listen to the owl. He also said, don't trust the fucking Cookie Monster. Go back to your DNA finger-printin'. +Don't be mad. That was just an old traditional gesture that means hello, how are you. I see. Forgive my cultural ignorance. +Jimmy didn't do it, Ray. I checked it out. You can stop taggin' my sister. She's your sister? +So did this one. Wambli is a rare and sacred creature. When someone finds a dead one, the feathers get around the res. We share everything. A lot of power in the eagle feathers. But you think that's bullshit too, don't -- -- Leo Fast Elk was sitting in the outhouse at Maisy Blue Legs when a car pulled into the yard. He came out, approached the vehicle then saw that the man behind the wheel was Jimmy. He tried to get back into the trailer, but the car came highballing at him. He started running for the open grass. With the car moving, Jimmy hung his shotgun out the window, took aim -- missed once, hitting the shitter -- fired again, and severed Leo's spine. Leo fell, rolled, and came to a stop in the grass. And some chicken feed. Stale chicken feed with four days mold. Electromagnetic printing. +Was-te. 'Cept for one thing. Jimmy Looks Twice was nowhere near there. Ya see, when Jimmy was twelve years old, his mother and father was killed in a car wreck right down there near Elk Mountain. I don't see the connection. +I don't see the connection. The connection is, it did a head number on him. He's petrified of cars. Won't drive. I've known him all my life, and he's never gotten behind the wheel of a vehicle. He rides passenger and he rides horses, and that's it. The man that shot Leo down was behind the wheel of a moving car. +That's not solid. You want solid? That one, single, print he left in the Badlands -- the one the FBI missed and then stepped all over -- it belongs to a man who walks heels first. Like a white man. Jimmy has a serious Ind'n walk -- ball of the foot first. The man who murdered Leo walked like a Wasi'cu. +The old man? He's gonna tell you who killed Leo? Go catch Jimmy, Ray. Really. He's gettin' away. Go ahead, go get him. I'm late. +Go catch Jimmy, Ray. Really. He's gettin' away. Go ahead, go get him. I'm late. Hey. Hey, those are my sunglasses you're wearing. +Hey. Hey, those are my sunglasses you're wearing. Grandpa traded with me. Goodbye. +I can't do that, It's a Rolex. A what? +Red Deer Table, Ray. Don't tell me: heavy duty. +Don't tell me: heavy duty. Heavy, heavy duty. Taku Wakan. Wanagi Spirits. It's one of those few places we'd never go to as kids. Still don't. Some of the old people say Crazy Horse is buried back there. We have to go Ray. Together. Like his vision. +Walter. When I fill out my 302, do I say that evil spirits are killing everybody on the reservation? Ray -- +Ray -- -- no. No offense to the old man. I appreciate you trying to help. But I put my ass on the line coming out here, man. +-- no. No offense to the old man. I appreciate you trying to help. But I put my ass on the line coming out here, man. What'd you expect to hear? +What'd you expect to hear? Not Native American myths and legends. I'm with the FBI, Walter, remember? Not National Geographic. +Not Native American myths and legends. I'm with the FBI, Walter, remember? Not National Geographic. What you call myths, we call our history. +What you call myths, we call our history. It's not real. +It's not real. What's real to you? Wall Street? Capital Hill? Now they are myths. +What's real to you? Wall Street? Capital Hill? Now they are myths. I can't be dicking around here. That's all I'm saying. I don't carry crystals, I don't wanna come back in another life. I just wanna do my job, and do it right, and get the fuck outta here. +I can't be dicking around here. That's all I'm saying. I don't carry crystals, I don't wanna come back in another life. I just wanna do my job, and do it right, and get the fuck outta here. You ain't no Indian. You're a Sal Mineo Indian. +Take care of yourself, Walter. Likewise. +Agent Little Weasel, Federal Bura of your Imagination. Jesus Christ. You're hammered. What are you doing? +Jesus Christ. You're hammered. What are you doing? You're right about the old man. His power's long dried up. He's supposed to be a medicine man but he won't go see the people. He says we changed, and we don't listen. Well, he don't go out and talk no more. I haven't had a drink in three years but I just turned my sobriety chip into that man behind the bar, and this Hoss is gettin' watered. +You're right about the old man. His power's long dried up. He's supposed to be a medicine man but he won't go see the people. He says we changed, and we don't listen. Well, he don't go out and talk no more. I haven't had a drink in three years but I just turned my sobriety chip into that man behind the bar, and this Hoss is gettin' watered. Cut the shit. You shouldn't be in here, Man. +Cut the shit. You shouldn't be in here, Man. Cuz I'm a skin? +Cuz I'm a skin? Cuz you're a cop. +Cuz you're a cop. Not no more. +Not no more. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? You tell me. You tell me who went to the B.I.A. -- Bureau of Indian Annihilation and said I was messin' with your case, man. I don't give a goddamn about your case. +You tell me. You tell me who went to the B.I.A. -- Bureau of Indian Annihilation and said I was messin' with your case, man. I don't give a goddamn about your case. And I don't give a goddamn about whether you wear a badge or not, Crow Horse, but I didn't cut you. +Still after Jimmy? They found prints at Blue Legs' place. +They found prints at Blue Legs' place. Yeah. Jimmy's prints are there. But they cross over Benjamin Black Star's prints. And he wasn't there until six o'clock the mornin' after to get eggs from the chickens. So Jimmy wasn't there til the next day. Follow? +Next time I'll be ready. You get the word to who ever it is. I can't, Hoss. I don't talk to FBI's. +You think you was sent here cuz you're a good cop? No. I was sent here cuz I'm Indian. And a good cop. +Five-hundred year old turtleshell rattle... Crow Horse, listen -- +Crow Horse, listen -- Where's Maggie? Where'd ya take her. +Where's Maggie? Where'd ya take her. Nowhere. I'm trying to find her. +Nowhere. I'm trying to find her. You got Jimmy. Let her go. +You got Jimmy. Let her go. Crow Horse, listen. You have to come with me. +Crow Horse, listen. You have to come with me. Why? So you can get rid of me, too? +Why? So you can get rid of me, too? No. So we can do what the old man said. Red Deer Table, Walter. We have to go. +Do they come in dreams, these visions? Oh yeah. Dreams. Sometimes durin' sickness. Vision quest. Sweat Lodge. Ya never know when. +Oh yeah. Dreams. Sometimes durin' sickness. Vision quest. Sweat Lodge. Ya never know when. Just before we caught Jimmy... I had a dream that I was being chased. And I was running with other people. Old- fashion Indian people. I got shot in the back. Like Leo. +Where was this? At Wounded Knee. I mean, that's where I was, and that's where the dream was. Why? +At Wounded Knee. I mean, that's where I was, and that's where the dream was. Why? You were running with the old ones. At The Knee. Heavy duty. +You were running with the old ones. At The Knee. Heavy duty. Well, it was just a dream, I -- +Well, it was just a dream, I -- Sonuvabuck! What's with you, Man? Who are you? +Sonuvabuck! What's with you, Man? Who are you? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Nothin'. Forget it. +You had a vision. You had yourself a vision. A man waits a long time for a vision. Might go his whole lifetime and never get one. And along comes some instant Indian with a Mastercard and brand-new shoes, has himself a vision. Sorry. +Sorry. I'm a full-blood Oglala. +I'm a full-blood Oglala. We've driven a long way. Where is this place? +We've driven a long way. Where is this place? Maybe it was just a dream. Ya know, just one of them, what do ya call 'em, fitful dreams? +Maybe it was just a dream. Ya know, just one of them, what do ya call 'em, fitful dreams? Yeah. Fitful dreams. +Bullshit. You had a vision. You got sign from the old ones. What the hell do you want me to do?! +What the hell do you want me to do?! Stop. +What's that? Ain't prayer flags, that's for sure. +Jesus. Oil? Uranium. Test holes. Somebody came in from the Nebraska side, and did some shotgun testin'. They're gettin' ready to suck this baby dry. +Uranium. Test holes. Somebody came in from the Nebraska side, and did some shotgun testin'. They're gettin' ready to suck this baby dry. 1868... +1868... What? +What? That's what we're doing here. National interest. National security. Only this time it's not gold. It's uranium. +That's what we're doing here. National interest. National security. Only this time it's not gold. It's uranium. We're standin' on broken treaty ground, Ray. This ain't supposed to be here. It'll poison the water. +We're standin' on broken treaty ground, Ray. This ain't supposed to be here. It'll poison the water. Leo knew about it. Tried to tell Jimmy, get the Warriors involved. +Leo knew about it. Tried to tell Jimmy, get the Warriors involved. So they took care of Leo. +So they took care of Leo. Listen to the water... the river keeps goin' down then rising again. +This Clear Moon's house? Yeah. It's time to beat the drum. You better wait here. He don't trust the white man. +Alright. Shit's comin' down. He's callin' council fire. All the old chiefs and the warriors, too. I gotta be at Grandpa's place in two hours. We need to get the tribe together. We need to block this thing. What we need... is Richard Yellow Bird. +I thought it was a rare case of a brother getting a break in the courts. We did an honorin' song for him and everything. He's looking at a few hundred years in Leavenworth. He's not gonna come out without a fight. +Ray. Ray, don't let go now, Man. Ray... You go to the council fire. I'm going back in. +You go to the council fire. I'm going back in. Ray. +Ain't no Council Fire, Brother. Clear Moon... I know. Come on. We gotta get off the reservation or we're dead. +I know. Come on. We gotta get off the reservation or we're dead. Hoka Hey. It's a good day to die. +Hoka Hey. It's a good day to die. Bullshit, let's get outta here, +He's gone. He hasn't left this place in twenty years. They got him. +They got us sealed. What are we gonna do? We're going for The Stronghold. +That's it. The Stronghold. Get us in there, we got a chance. We're in there. We're in there -- +What about the water... You bought her some time, Kola. Ain't never gonna be over... but you bought her some time. +You bought her some time, Kola. Ain't never gonna be over... but you bought her some time. Some Indian time? +I'll have to see what the visions say about that one. You didn't have another vision... +You take care. If you ever need a place to come back to and listen to the trees a little... we'll be here. +You're the Indian FBI. That's right. Turn around. +This Jimmy's? You're not gonna catch him. He can shape-shift into different animals. Bear. Elk. Porcupine. +You're not gonna catch him. He can shape-shift into different animals. Bear. Elk. Porcupine. Is that like an hereditary thing, Magdelana, or can one take classes? +Is that like an hereditary thing, Magdelana, or can one take classes? Jimmy didn't kill Leo. Why do you wanna do this? +Jimmy didn't kill Leo. Why do you wanna do this? He tried to kill him twice before. That's a good place to start don't ya think? Leo was on the other side, wasn't he? +He tried to kill him twice before. That's a good place to start don't ya think? Leo was on the other side, wasn't he? -- Leo was an apple, that's right. Red on the outside, white on the inside. And Jimmy hated him. Kicked his ass a coupla times. But he didn't kill him. +-- Leo was an apple, that's right. Red on the outside, white on the inside. And Jimmy hated him. Kicked his ass a coupla times. But he didn't kill him. Who did? +Who did? You're the FBI. That's your job, isn't it? Ya know how many of our Warrior brothers got killed out here? I never saw any investigating then. Why now? What's going down here? +You're the FBI. That's your job, isn't it? Ya know how many of our Warrior brothers got killed out here? I never saw any investigating then. Why now? What's going down here? A Fugitive Alert for a murder suspect. Before somebody else gets a shotgun blast in the spine. +A Fugitive Alert for a murder suspect. Before somebody else gets a shotgun blast in the spine. Try the Fort Laramie Treaty. All over again. +Look. You and I can stand here in a culture clash til the sun comes up, talking about what's right and what's wrong. You're from the reservation. It's a different world. I'm from Minneapolis. Fifth Street. I did four years at Dartmouth before I ever set foot on this res. So I know about the other world, Ray. +Thank you. When you see Jimmy, tell him the sooner he turns himself back into a human being and gives himself in... the sooner we back off this reservation. Okay? +Grandpa Reaches says you come from heavy Indian blood. I used to think Grandpa was gettin' senile. Now I know he is. Move it, Magdelana. +You burned an American flag today. And left it for me... -- You desecrated it, it had to be burned. +-- You desecrated it, it had to be burned. I desecrated it? +I desecrated it? You forced an innocent man to run like an animal. You've tried to poison my people's hearts against me with your manipulation, with letters I never wrote... you've been watching me eat, work, raise my family... wash myself in the river. And now you're here, arresting me at a sacred place. In your eyes, that's power. +Your relatives must've taught you something. NO. My father never told anybody he had Indian blood. But he still used a few Indian words around the house. He called me Washee. Said it meant... good boy. +What? Wa-shee is like... a dumpling. Like tallow we put in stew. I think he was calling you chubby boy. +Wa-shee is like... a dumpling. Like tallow we put in stew. I think he was calling you chubby boy. Great. +X21, give me a 20. Black Tail District, X22. You ready for this? Leo wasn't killed in the Badlands. I... I found the location. +X22. Read. Go ahead, Ray. +Go ahead, Ray. I have a pick-up truck. No plates. Subject -- Indian -- entering suspect's house. Over. +I have a pick-up truck. No plates. Subject -- Indian -- entering suspect's house. Over. Okay, Ray. I'm coming in. If he starts to leave the area, move in. And hold him. Over. +No plates. No registration. Serial numbers removed. And all prints washed off by the river. That's great. This is turning out to be a walk in the park, do you know that? Come back? +Come back? Never mind. +Ray. X22. I read, Cooch. +I read, Cooch. Remember that upside down flag back at Jimmy's house? Somebody took it down. +Remember that upside down flag back at Jimmy's house? Somebody took it down. Good. +Good. They took it down, set fire to it, and threw it on the doorstep of room 13 at the Buffalo Butte Motel. Your room. +X21. Come back. Ray. What's your 20? +What are you doing on the reservation? I'm on my way back in. Over. +Yellow bird... is gonna sing. Yellow Bird committed suicide at three o'clock this morning. Some gung-ho agent from D.C. pushed him into a corner. You're playing a losing game. Pull over. +Ray... Mister Tully. +Mister Tully. Do you want a coffee? +Do you want a coffee? No. No, no. Thank you. +I'm not that sure. Yeah, I think -- -- yes, Teton Sioux. Father's side. +With an Indian representative out there, we hope to keep hostilities dormant; this is a COINTELPRO, Selective Operations Unit, and it'll be easier on Agent Couture if you can gain the people's trust and maybe -- Woh, excuse me, Sir... I see what you're saying... I've got a little Indian blood, that's true. But -- I am not an... an Indian. I can't just go in and -- +Woh, excuse me, Sir... I see what you're saying... I've got a little Indian blood, that's true. But -- I am not an... an Indian. I can't just go in and -- -- your father was part Sioux. +What ya want? Must be a bitch getting around in that wheelchair. How long you been in it? +Must be a bitch getting around in that wheelchair. How long you been in it? Since I got a iron pipe put across my knees, man. Fight with three wasi'cus, ya know. +Since I got a iron pipe put across my knees, man. Fight with three wasi'cus, ya know. At Sioux Falls Pen? +At Sioux Falls Pen? No, that was Leavenworth. This -- was Sioux Falls. What ya want? +No, that was Leavenworth. This -- was Sioux Falls. What ya want? Leavenworth a tough joint? +You ever try solitary confinement? No. Can't say that I have, Richard. Richard do you know why I'm here? +No. Can't say that I have, Richard. Richard do you know why I'm here? Washington sent ya. I know that. +Washington sent ya. I know that. Yes, Washington sent me, Richard. They sent me here because this whole thing has been fucked. Do you know what I mean when I say this whole thing has been fucked, Richard? +Not for long, Richard. You got early parole under the stipulation that you would help us in a situation, and you didn't deliver. What the fuck you talkin' about? +Get up out of the chair, Richard. What's with you people? Why do ya have to fuck with my head all the time? I came through, man. +What's with you people? Why do ya have to fuck with my head all the time? I came through, man. Get up out of the chair, and walk toward the backdoor, Richard. +Get up out of the chair, and walk toward the backdoor, Richard. I get thrown in solitary until I don't know my own fuckin' name, and then you people tell me I can beat nine years if I help you. I helped you! +I get thrown in solitary until I don't know my own fuckin' name, and then you people tell me I can beat nine years if I help you. I helped you! Get up! +They said I'd never see FBI again, and I'm livin' with you fuckers. I don't feed ya information on the Warriors, it's back to the pen. I don't do this, back to the pen. Your word against my word. Against a con Indian's word. I really got a chance, man, right? They sent me here, Richard because they said you didn't hold up your end of the arrangement, and I have to transport you back to Leavenworth. +They sent me here, Richard because they said you didn't hold up your end of the arrangement, and I have to transport you back to Leavenworth. What the fuck, man? What do you people want? I did what you wasi'cu's told me to do. +What the fuck, man? What do you people want? I did what you wasi'cu's told me to do. Leo Fast Elk... is alive. +No way. No fuckin' way. How the hell do you know? +How the hell do you know? I blew his back out with a buffalo gun, that's how I know! Now you're gonna say I didn't, so you can throw me back in solitary? +The men who came to see you at Leavenworth. The one's who made the arrangement... who were they? Maybe I can talk to them. Miles. Three other suits. That's all I know 'em as -- suits. Were you there? +Miles. Three other suits. That's all I know 'em as -- suits. Were you there? You turned Leo over on his face. But the coyotes must've turned him back over, man, cuz his spirit is out. It's out, and it knows. +You turned Leo over on his face. But the coyotes must've turned him back over, man, cuz his spirit is out. It's out, and it knows. What do you know about spirits? You ain't no In'dn. +What do you know about spirits? You ain't no In'dn. Leo knew something heavy and was trying to tell Jimmy. But you must not know how serious it was or you would have delivered. Do you realize what Leo could have told Jimmy?! Do you?! +Leo knew something heavy and was trying to tell Jimmy. But you must not know how serious it was or you would have delivered. Do you realize what Leo could have told Jimmy?! Do you?! I took him out before he got the chance. He didn't say nothin' about Tashka Sha. And now his spirit is in the dirt. Forever. +I took him out before he got the chance. He didn't say nothin' about Tashka Sha. And now his spirit is in the dirt. Forever. What's Tashka Sha, speak English, speak English! +What's Tashka Sha, speak English, speak English! Red Deer Table! What's with you, man? +Keep talking, Yellow Bird... All I know... is I did what I did... and I ain't in solitary, gettin' pumped up with downer, gettin' beat to shit. But I tell you what, Suit. Take me back. Cuz I can't take this shit no more. +I'll bet! Uhhh...Anything I can do for you? She laughs again, doesn't know what it is...could be chemical, but she's instinctively attracted. +Uhhh...Anything I can do for you? She laughs again, doesn't know what it is...could be chemical, but she's instinctively attracted. Yeah. Hold this. It might be safer. +Now I know why all the girls come here. They know how horny you guys get. But this...is ridiculous. It's not that. +It isn't? Well, it is. It is that, too. +Well, it is. It is that, too. That's a big comfort to me. +That's a big comfort to me. I could be, too. +I could be, too. How so? +How so? Save you from a big mistake with that other guy. +Save you from a big mistake with that other guy. And on to a bigger one with you? +Yeah, most likely. Was there ever a girl who didn't like fighter pilots? +Was there ever a girl who didn't like fighter pilots? I heard of one once. +Can I walk you out?She turns back to him, a smile. I'm with someone. +I thought he'd never leave. Yeow! +Everybody's got to be somewhere. What if Captain Dawson had come with me? +What if Captain Dawson had come with me? It would have been really embarrassing! +It would have been really embarrassing! How did you know this was my car? +How did you know this was my car? Simple deduction. It's fast. It's pretty. Sleek and stylish...It's your color...matches your lipstick. +Simple deduction. It's fast. It's pretty. Sleek and stylish...It's your color...matches your lipstick. That's all! +That's all! And I asked someone. CHARLIE You think you're pretty smart. +I beg your pardon. No, I beg yours. But I don't think you're right on that. +No, I beg yours. But I don't think you're right on that. Why not? +Why not? I saw one. +I saw one. You saw a MiG 21? +You saw a MiG 21? I saw a MiG do a 4 G negative dive. +I saw a MiG do a 4 G negative dive. Where did you see that? +Where did you see that? It's classified. +It's what? It's classified. Like Hollywood says, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. +Lieutenant, I have a top secret clearance. The Pentagon sees to it that I know more than you. Not in this case. CHARLIE You saw a MiG push negative 4G? +Not in this case. CHARLIE You saw a MiG push negative 4G? Yes, ma'am. +Yes, ma'am. Where were you? +Where were you? On his six. +He was in a 4G Negative dive and you were on his six? Yes, ma'am, At first. Then I was directly above him. +If you were directly above him, how did you see him? I was inverted. +Two. Two miles. +Two miles. Two meters. +The what? You know. The finger. +It never came up. You let me make a fool of myself. +You let me make a fool of myself. You seemed determined to do that anyway.. Why didn't you tell me you were a famous MiG insulter? MAVERICK Would it have made a difference? +You seemed determined to do that anyway.. Why didn't you tell me you were a famous MiG insulter? MAVERICK Would it have made a difference? No. +No. What would? +What would? You know, I'm assigned to this school. I see sixteen new hotshots every eight weeks. Your attention is flattering, but not really productive. Why don't you keep your mind on flying. +What would you say, too fast...too quick... And far too aggressive. +And far too aggressive. It is combat. Every second counts. +Well, what you need...what you have to keep looking for...what you want to get is a wingman who can stay up with you. Who can match you move for move. Then you've got something. I'm sorry. For what? +For what? That stuff about the MiG. I was out of line. +That stuff about the MiG. I was out of line. Apology acknowledged. +Apology acknowledged. Is that all? CHARLIE What else do you want? +Is that all? CHARLIE What else do you want? Um. You. +Um. You. There you go with those moves again. +There you go with those moves again. Too aggressive? +Too aggressive? I don't mix with the boys. I work here. Let's keep it professional. +I don't mix with the boys. I work here. Let's keep it professional. I'm special. +I'm special. Yes. I'll give you that! +Yes. I'll give you that! Give me a break, I'm asking you out. +I can't. I thought there was something... That night in the club... +I thought there was something... That night in the club... Lieutenant... +Lieutenant... Evan... or Maverick. +Evan... or Maverick. Maverick...you know the rules of engagement. +Maverick...you know the rules of engagement. The what? +The what? Some one comes up hot on your six, what do you do? +Some one comes up hot on your six, what do you do? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? You turn into him, check him out, identify friend or foe. +You turn into him, check him out, identify friend or foe. I'm not your foe. CHARLIE And if he's harmless, you disengage. +I'm not your foe. CHARLIE And if he's harmless, you disengage. Harmless! +Harmless! Uh hum. +Uh hum. What if he's not? +What if he's not? You have to shoot him down....If he's smart, he'll turn away before that happens. +And probably never again. It's nothing personal. It's just...I know a lot of pilots. Maybe I'm immune... Don't worry, I'm a new strain. And I don't give up. Everything I've ever wanted I've had to work like hell for. Well, how about it? +Don't worry, I'm a new strain. And I don't give up. Everything I've ever wanted I've had to work like hell for. Well, how about it? How about what? +How about what? How about anything, anything you want to do. +How about anything, anything you want to do. Hard to argue with that, isn't it... +Hard to argue with that, isn't it... A date... Coffee... A drink...A walk in the park. +A date... Coffee... A drink...A walk in the park. What about the plane? +What about the plane? What plane. +What plane. Most of them invite me to sit in the cockpit...play with the levers and things. MAVERICK Well, get used to it. +Most of them invite me to sit in the cockpit...play with the levers and things. MAVERICK Well, get used to it. Used to what? +Used to what? I'm different. +I'm different. I'm starting to sense that now. +Let's make it at eight. Make what? +Make what? Anything. +Anything. Okay, anything. Just...go. I've gotta work. +It dies. We live. You're an animal. +You're an animal. That's true. What are you? +That's true. What are you? I don't enjoy watching things suffer. +No! It's not suffering anymore. +It's not suffering anymore. You're horrible +You're horrible You're not, cause you eat frozen meatballs? Things die. Every time you breathe, you kill millions of tiny organisms. Every time you eat, something had to die. +You're not, cause you eat frozen meatballs? Things die. Every time you breathe, you kill millions of tiny organisms. Every time you eat, something had to die. You don't have to kill it. +You don't have to kill it. Somebody does. It's more honest this way. You do your own dirty work. +Somebody does. It's more honest this way. You do your own dirty work. You ever think about killing another human being? +You ever think about killing another human being? About as much as they think about killing me. +Does it bother you? They know the rules... That's the deal. That's why you're up there. It's him or me. That's the price of admission. It bothers you, why? You're part of it. Everybody dies. Most people don't get to die for something. +You know what really scares me? Living too long. Losing my hair and my teeth...and my guts and my wind. And my brains...Sitting in a room with my hands in my lap, watching daytime TV. You don't believe any of this. You don't think you'll ever die. +You don't believe any of this. You don't think you'll ever die. That's it, of course. When I'm up there and doing it, I'm cheating it every second. I'm subverting all laws...gravity...whatever. I'm skating the edge of it. +That's it, of course. When I'm up there and doing it, I'm cheating it every second. I'm subverting all laws...gravity...whatever. I'm skating the edge of it. Winston Churchill. +"What he said...""There's nothing so exhilarating as being shot at without result.""" All you've got is one life. I guess it's worth about the same to every body. You ever see an old woman after her husband has died? And the meaningless years of decline stretch ahead... When you're in the air and doing something really dangerous, you can look ahead... maybe ten seconds. That's your whole future. That's as far as it goes. But imagine what those seconds are worth. +All you've got is one life. I guess it's worth about the same to every body. You ever see an old woman after her husband has died? And the meaningless years of decline stretch ahead... When you're in the air and doing something really dangerous, you can look ahead... maybe ten seconds. That's your whole future. That's as far as it goes. But imagine what those seconds are worth. What if you kill yourself? Think of everything you'll miss. MAVERICK There is lots of stuff I don't know about... Fine wine... great art... the opera. I guess if I live long enough, I'll get to it. If I don't, I'll never miss it. +What if you kill yourself? Think of everything you'll miss. MAVERICK There is lots of stuff I don't know about... Fine wine... great art... the opera. I guess if I live long enough, I'll get to it. If I don't, I'll never miss it. Are you really that brave? +Are you really that brave? I watched my mother die. Cancer. She had a long time to think about it. They say you reach an agreement with death. Come to accept the fact that pretty soon you won't be here. I didn't see that. She... was very brave...braver than I am. You go up there, there isn't time to think. If you make a mistake, you're just a smudge on the ground. Simplifies funeral arrangements. +I watched my mother die. Cancer. She had a long time to think about it. They say you reach an agreement with death. Come to accept the fact that pretty soon you won't be here. I didn't see that. She... was very brave...braver than I am. You go up there, there isn't time to think. If you make a mistake, you're just a smudge on the ground. Simplifies funeral arrangements. It's just as I thought. +It's just as I thought. What? +You're totally insane. Thanks very much. Care for some suchi?. +Come on. Where? +Where? You want to go ballistic? +You want to go ballistic? I don't know. I don't like being out of control. +I always wanted to fly... ever since I first saw a jet. I wanted to fly jets, then I wanted F-14's, then I wanted to fly off carriers, then I wanted Top Gun. And now? +And now? And now I want you. +And now I want you. You always get what you want? +You always get what you want? I don't know yet. +I want it understood. Anything. +Anything. No fooling on base, no signs, no comments, no talk. By anyone. +No fooling on base, no signs, no comments, no talk. By anyone. Why? +Why? I'm a professional. You guys are in my line of work. +Food...and you...my F-14! In that order? +In that order? Well no...inverse order. +Well no...inverse order. I'm still second best. +I'm still second best. You ever fly an F-14? +You ever fly an F-14? I don't fly in anything that doesn't show movies. +Danger? . Yeah! +. Yeah! Doesn't it ever bother you? +Doesn't it ever bother you? Why, what's gonna happen? +Lucky charm. What do you take me for? It's a Navy Cross. +What do you take me for? It's a Navy Cross. Just good luck. +Just good luck. Where'd you get it. +Where'd you get it. Pawn shop. What's to eat? +...they say you're alright. I'm fine. +I'm fine. This is it, then. +This is it, then. What? +What? The dark side. The price you pay for all the fun you're having. You knew about it, of course. Didn't you? +The dark side. The price you pay for all the fun you're having. You knew about it, of course. Didn't you? He was a friend of mine. A good guy...great guy. It was my fault. +He was a friend of mine. A good guy...great guy. It was my fault. That's not what I hear. +That's not what I hear. I was flying...my responsibility. +I was flying...my responsibility. That's what you get flight pay for. +That's what you get flight pay for. Maybe I shouldn't take it. +Maybe I shouldn't take it. Why? You act like you didn't know one day this would happen. +Why? You act like you didn't know one day this would happen. Not to me. +Not to me. You knew it. You all do. It's part of it. Maybe the most important part. +Where are we? Where are we? You know where we are. It's called the beach. It's where life first crawled up out of the sea. I come here sometimes... when I feel like crawling back in. +Where are we? You know where we are. It's called the beach. It's where life first crawled up out of the sea. I come here sometimes... when I feel like crawling back in. You don't have to do this. +You don't have to do this. Do what, show you a good time? +Do what, show you a good time? I'm not good company. I should be alone. +I'm not good company. I should be alone. I don't think so, but if that's what you want... +No. What do you want? +What do you want? I want it back. +I want it back. What? +What? Yesterday. +You look way out there. Out past the date line. West becomes East, all things change. You cross the line...today becomes yesterday...or tomorrow, I forget which. That's what I want. +That's what I want. Of course the line's just imaginary. You can cross it twenty times...nothing really changes. +You don't believe that. Hardly ever. +Hardly ever. Only when you're depressed. Then it passes. +Only when you're depressed. Then it passes. It does. +It does. Everything passes. Immutable law of the Universe. +What do you do when you come here? I sit. I think. I play games. +I sit. I think. I play games. What kind of games? +What kind of games? "I like to play ""reality""." +How do you play reality. It's strip reality, actually, like what the pilots always want to play. +It's strip reality, actually, like what the pilots always want to play. Strip reality! How do you play that? +Strip reality! How do you play that? It's like strip poker, only, without the bluffing. One person says something and if the other one accepts that it's true, the one who says it, gets to take one item of clothing off. +It's like strip poker, only, without the bluffing. One person says something and if the other one accepts that it's true, the one who says it, gets to take one item of clothing off. You're crazy. That's a pretty silly game. +You're crazy. That's a pretty silly game. Not as silly as some. You know the silliest one? ...that we are gods. That we control events on the beach... that we can turn back time... +Want to play the game? How does it go? +How does it go? You say the truth. Go ahead. Don't be afraid. You want to win the game, don'tcha? +You say the truth. Go ahead. Don't be afraid. You want to win the game, don'tcha? What truth? +What truth? The big one. The one that's most on your mind. +Goose is dead. True. +True. Now? +Now? Take something off. +Take something off. Off me or off you? +Off me or off you? That's up to you. +What does it mean? That wasn't fair. It was a question. Penalty round! +You didn't mean it. You didn't think. You'd do anything to take it back. That's three. +That's three. And that's one! +One more. Your watch. +Looks like a tie. Who's gonna win? +Who's gonna win? We'll say it together. On the count of three...One...two... +You weren't gonna say goodbye? I was, later. +I was, later. Long distance? I wouldn't do that to you. I'd at least talk to you. +Long distance? I wouldn't do that to you. I'd at least talk to you. I didn't want to see you. I mean, I did...but I didn't.. +I didn't want to see you. I mean, I did...but I didn't.. I know exactly what you mean. +I know exactly what you mean. How could you? +How could you? "I've got a gift just like you do. My gift is I just know what people mean, even if they can't say it. It helps when you're trying to communicate with fighter pilots. Like what you just said was ""I'm embarrassed, I feel I've done something wrong, that I've failed, and I don't think I can live up to the expectations of a wonderful interesting, intelligent woman like yourself."" That about it?" +"I've got a gift just like you do. My gift is I just know what people mean, even if they can't say it. It helps when you're trying to communicate with fighter pilots. Like what you just said was ""I'm embarrassed, I feel I've done something wrong, that I've failed, and I don't think I can live up to the expectations of a wonderful interesting, intelligent woman like yourself."" That about it?" ...Something like that. +And I'm gonna sneak off, and be by myself for awhile, like until I can think of a new career...hotel management or something... Big talk for someone who's never been shot off her computer. +Big talk for someone who's never been shot off her computer. Hey, I never said I was a fighter pilot...I never claimed to think it was fun to be shot off the end of a ship in a storm. I can find contentment in a good book. I don't have to roar by someone at Mach two with my hair on fire. Sometimes...I just get happy being with the right man. +Hey, I never said I was a fighter pilot...I never claimed to think it was fun to be shot off the end of a ship in a storm. I can find contentment in a good book. I don't have to roar by someone at Mach two with my hair on fire. Sometimes...I just get happy being with the right man. I hope you find him. +I hope you find him. I think I have... I could be wrong. I have been before. Just remember one thing. If you're not Top Gun, if you're not fighting jets, you're not gonna be able to act like a fighter pilot... You're gonna have to act like the rest of us. You're gonna have to master humility. For you guys, that's the toughest maneuver of all. +Well? Well what? +Well what? You got your F-14, you got Top Gun, you got your MiGs....You're our new Top Gun instructor...Now what? +You got your F-14, you got Top Gun, you got your MiGs....You're our new Top Gun instructor...Now what? Oh...I'll think of something... What are you doing here? +Oh...I'll think of something... What are you doing here? I live here, remember? +I live here, remember? Right on the flight line? +Well... What is it? Sir. You are going to give me a warning, Sir! +Yes sir. I do, Sir. Well? +Well? Sir. I was going Mach point one five. +One SIXTH the speed of sound! Yes sir. +Yes sir. Lieutenant... What do you... usually fly? +Lieutenant... What do you... usually fly? F-14's sir. +F-14's sir. Tomcats? +Tomcats? Yes sir! +Lieutenant... Is there... a Russian attack? No sir! But you have to be ready. +Yes, Sergeant? Remember one thing. +Remember one thing. Sir? +Sir? Outside of this gate... I...am Top Gun. +Outside of this gate... I...am Top Gun. Yes sir! +Can't shake him. WHAT'S MIG ONE DOING? +WHAT'S MIG ONE DOING? Maintaining course. Straight for Mustang. +I'LL LOCK ON THEM, COUGAR. Gotcha covered, don't nobody move. I'M UP HERE TOO, MAVERICK. +I'M UP HERE TOO, MAVERICK. ROGER, COUGAR. Okay boys, pull out with your hands up and nobody'll get hurt. +WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? EVERYBODY'S GOT TO BE SOMEWHERE. ..NOW WE'RE RIGHT WITH YOU. YOU ARE INVERTED. ROLL IT, COUGAR. +MAVERICK. YEAH, COUGAR? +YOU BETTER NOT BE RAGGING ME... IF YOU'RE FLYING UPSIDE DOWN... NO JOKE, COUGAR. ON THE LEVEL. EVEN I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU. +NO JOKE, COUGAR. ON THE LEVEL. EVEN I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU. I'M UPSIDE DOWN. I KNOW IT. I'M GONNA EJECT. +I've got a six strobe. I think he's locked on us. It's a MiG 21. They don't have radar missiles! +It's a MiG 21. They don't have radar missiles! Let's hope you're right! +Let's hope you're right! What is he doing? +What is he doing? He's pissing me off! +That's missile lock! He better be kidding! +He better be kidding! Lordy! Eyeball to Asshole. Hope nobody burps! +We're locked on MiG ONE. Why doesn't he disengage? These guys are getting on my nerves. +Hey, if it was easy, everybody would want to come up here and do it..... Instead of just us. You. +Help me with this one, I'm really screwed up. Bring it left. Bring it left, You're high. +Bring it left. Bring it left, You're high. This is crazy! +This is crazy! What is? +What is? Wait! Hell!..Something's wrong! +Wait! Hell!..Something's wrong! What? What is it? +What? What is it? Were upside down! +Were upside down! You're crazy. We're level. +You're crazy. We're level. Can't you feel it? I'm hanging in my straps! +Can't you feel it? I'm hanging in my straps! You're not. We're level. Look at the instruments, we're okay! +You're not. We're level. Look at the instruments, we're okay! They must be broken. I'm hanging in my straps! We're inverted! +They must be broken. I'm hanging in my straps! We're inverted! We're not! Trust me! We're okay. +I'm pulling up. No! Now we're inverted! +We're on vapor, Cougar, you got to put it down. It's crazy, man. Instruments are crazy. We're gonna have to eject. +It's crazy, man. Instruments are crazy. We're gonna have to eject. TELL HIM, WILL YOU TELL HIM? OUR INSTRUMENTS ARE OKAY. +OKAY... OKAY. BUT IF I LAND THIS THING UPSIDE DOWN. AND I LIVE. I'LL HAVE YOUR BUTT! You'll have mine, Cougar. It'll be where your head used to be. +WHAT? WHERE'RE YOU--HEY, WHERE IN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING? DIDN'T ... AHHH...LOOK GOOD. +DIDN'T ... AHHH...LOOK GOOD. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT DOESN'T GET TO LOOK MUCH BETTER THAN THAT? +WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT DOESN'T GET TO LOOK MUCH BETTER THAN THAT? NO. NO GOOD. +What are you doing? Saving them some paperwork. +Saving them some paperwork. Since when did you care about paperwork? +If I could fly like you I'd have everything I want. If I could fly at all. I can't fly. I can't fly like that. Nobody can. Whatever it is, you've got it! Not anymore. +Not anymore. So, you're scared--so what? You ever get a good look at me in the back seat, I'm goddamn terrified. +Bandit at seven o'clock low--solo. Take him. Pull on the goddamn stick, man! Okay, okay. +Okay, okay. Don't tell me okay. Do it! +BREAK LEFT! BREAK LEFT! CHAFF! FLARES! BREAKING LEFT! +THERE'S ANOTHER ONE UP THERE! I GOT ONE COMING UP. +I GOT ONE COMING UP. AND HE'S GUNNING. +Ohhh Mother! Goddamnit, Mav, you really are a slow learner. Don't worry, Fung, I've got it. +Don't WORRY!!!? You've GOT it!!? Are you CRAZY? Roger, I've got it. +Now have you got it? Have you still got it? Yawing right. +Yawing right. I know! +I know! Rudder's left, stick's forward. +Rudder's left, stick's forward. Swell! Passing ten thousand! +I've got it -- hold on! Passing 8. Passing 6. Lock your harness! +Passing 8. Passing 6. Lock your harness! I can recover. Hold on! +5000 feet. Speed two hundred. Okay. +No! Not again! What are you talking about, we gotta go! +What are you talking about, we gotta go! I'm not losing it again! +Gotta go, man. 280, 290, 300 knots. +280, 290, 300 knots. 3,000 feet. We gotta go, man. 3,000 feet, we gotta go! +3,000 feet. We gotta go, man. 3,000 feet, we gotta go! You go. I'm staying with it. +You go. I'm staying with it. I'm gonna go! THREE...TWO...ONE... +Is there something I should know? Just relax. +Just relax. Is it the plane? +Is it the plane? The plane is fine. +The plane is fine. Is it you? +Is it you? Yeah, I guess it is. We did it! We did it...Damn! We sure did it! +You're not supposed to... But I have to! +But I have to! Then...shit! Go ahead. I'm right behind you. +Then...shit! Go ahead. I'm right behind you. MUSTANG, THIS IS MAVERICK, REQUEST A FLYBY. +You hear that? Anything we want. Anything...Well??? Well what? +Well what? What do you want? +What do you want? What do I want? +What do I want? What do you want? +What do you want? Any more MiGs? +Let me do the talking. Oh, no. You did the flying, I'll do the talking! +Why do you all have such funny names? "You gotta have a call sign that's just your own...never changes...you have to recognize it immediately. Then, if someone shouts ""Wolf, break left!""..you react right away." +"You gotta have a call sign that's just your own...never changes...you have to recognize it immediately. Then, if someone shouts ""Wolf, break left!""..you react right away." Why do they call you Wolf? +Well, I don't know. That depends. On what? +On what? Well, it doesn't just happen, you gotta do something famous. +Well, it doesn't just happen, you gotta do something famous. Like what? +Like what? Oh...I'll think of something. +It's not Cougar's place. It's ours. What do you think it was? Was it that MiG contact that did it? +What do you think it was? Was it that MiG contact that did it? Did what? +Did what? Got you here. +Got you here. We're here because we're the best flyers in the wing. Not because of some MiG encounter. +That's not what I heard. We won! Ice turns back, stares them down, then turns back into his locker, dismissing them. +We won! Ice turns back, stares them down, then turns back into his locker, dismissing them. Below the hard deck doesn't count. You guys are the second team, aren't you? +Slider -- they let you into Top Gun? If you're among the best in the Navy, I tremble for the security of this country. Why Goose, whose butt did you kiss to get here? +Why Goose, whose butt did you kiss to get here? The list is long, but distinguished. +The list is long, but distinguished. So's my Johnson. +So's my Johnson. This is Maverick. +So I've heard. Who's your pilot? +Who's your pilot? Tom Kazansky. +Tom Kazansky. No shit. The Iceman.... +No shit. The Iceman.... Mister to you. +You think you can stay up with us. I think, yeah, we'll show you a thing or two. +I think, yeah, we'll show you a thing or two. This is Evan Mitchell, he steers the thing. +This is Evan Mitchell, he steers the thing. So I heard. Steers it pretty close. Sorry to hear about Cougar. He was a good man. +What was that? Flaming Hooker. Sort of an institution around here. Or maybe this is the institution, I forget which. It's the house drink. It'll warm the cockles of your heart ... and other things depending on where you spill it. +How was it? Could use a dash more jet fuel. +Nice. Always a good idea to show up your instructors. He nods toward Jester, glaring at them from his A4. Goose indicates the backseat of the Tomcat. Hey, see any controls back there? And anyway...we beat the Son of a Bitch! +Look at the weather! They'll never find us! We're near out of fuel. Put it down. COUGAR, YOU'RE ON THE BALL. +What are you doing? Nothing...That's McGown...that's Singer, isn't it? GOOSE Turn around, pay attention. What are you doing? +Keller, Black Lion Squadron. I knew him at Pensacola. He's damn good. Is there anybody in the Navy you don't know? +Is there anybody in the Navy you don't know? Gotta keep track of the competition. +You ever done this before? What, been drunk? Sure! Plenty! +Hey Mav, this is Sally. She doesn't believe a word I say. Tell her I'm married, will you? Yeah, he's married--but then again, he,s not dead. +What do these guys think, I made Cougar quit? Pay no attention to it. They're just trying to rattle you. It's all psychological. Sit down..and drink. +I've lost him -- where is he? On your six -- coming hard. Four hundred. Losing airspeed! He's on your six and closing fast! Hard left! HARD LEFT! +Great move. Great He should've had me. GOOSE Take it down. Let's bug out of here. Call for a draw. +We did it! Look, Ma, top of the world! +Ahhh...A little high on the left, don't you think? Right. +It's a victory roll. I wouldn't call it victory. It's more like...self immolation. +Hi...Hi there. How ya doing in there? Mav... Ahhh...you know, at one point I did want a Navy career. Come on, relax... +Come on, relax... You see all those guys with gold on their shoulders!!?... Oh, no, I think that was Johnson, Air Boss of the Kitty Hawk! +You see all those guys with gold on their shoulders!!?... Oh, no, I think that was Johnson, Air Boss of the Kitty Hawk! Come on, we beat an instructor. How many times in your life do you get to do a victory roll? +Come on, we beat an instructor. How many times in your life do you get to do a victory roll? Just once, if they take your plane away. +Come on, we're next. What? +What? Come on, I got over six bucks on the line. +Come on, come on! It's double or nothing.. We're talking twelve bucks American, here. I've had enough...for now. +What the hell is this? Don't chew it, you won't have it that long. Easier to clean the cockpit if it comes up in big chunks. +Something bothering you? Nothing. Let's just go fight. +STAY WITH HIM! TIGHTEN YOUR TURN! Bogey at three o'clock high! Nose on! +Just cover Wood, Maverick. Mutual support, man! I'm gonna take him, Goose. +I'm gonna take him, Goose. Don't be greedy. Stay with Wood. +Don't be greedy. Stay with Wood. I want him! +What what are you doing? We're cover! Wood's okay. I want Viper. +Relationships are a bitch, here. It's hard enough to concentrate ...under the pressure. Having a woman here is asking for it. I guess that's what I'm doing, then. +I guess that's what I'm doing, then. Where do you find the time? Where do you find the energy. It's tough enough to keep your mind on school. A woman here is a real pain in the... +I'm pinned to the panel. Time to go. +Time to go. I can't eject. +3000 feet. I'll do it. Go ahead. I can't reach. 2000 feet! +1000. Let's go. Eject. +That's Kazanski. No shit! That why they call him Ice? +No shit! That why they call him Ice? Nope. It's the way he flies - Ice cold. No mistakes. Wears you down. After enough time, you just get bored and frustrated, you do something stupid, and he's got you. +Man, you guys gooned it. Your laser butts are scattered across KANSAS. Come on. I died enough for one night. +I was a victim of circumstance. They should have warned you about that one. +They should have warned you about that one. She's kinky for flight suits--said that she'd never seen so many zippers--played with them all night. The noise alone kept me up. +She's kinky for flight suits--said that she'd never seen so many zippers--played with them all night. The noise alone kept me up. What'd you do? +What'd you do? Pulled left, rolled out, underneath. +Don't worry. I'll talk to him. Don't. +He's the best you have. He's going Top Gun! Was. +Well, he's going and he needs someone to fly the plane. Skipper, you can't do this! +Skipper, you can't do this! I didn't do it, he did it himself. Something about a wife and kid. The fact is, he's lost it. He knows it. I know it. You were up there, you know it, too. GOOSE Give him a break, Skipper. It was raining snakes up there. He'll be alright, soon as all the gorillas go home... +But, Skipper, Cougar's been picked for Top Gun...He's the best of the best! Well, you'll just have to make do with him . +Mav's a great flyer but.... He's a hell of a flyer. In fact, he's so damn good he might have been picked for Top Gun himself. Except for one thing. He just can't seem to follow orders! +A plaque? It's not the plaque. The winner can get assigned here as instructor. He gets to fight every day. +No, we...got our butts kicked. Thirty seconds. That's all it took to blow us out of the sky. +It's kind of ironic. All you guys have women troubles and I don't. That's because you don't have any women. +That's because you don't have any women. Until last night. Did you see the moves I was making on that girl at the party? +Until last night. Did you see the moves I was making on that girl at the party? The girl with the purple fingernails? +The girl with the purple fingernails? That's her--tall hungry woman with fire in her eyes. It was great. +Coogan spent half the night looking for her. He said he was gonna kill the son-of-a-bitch who ruined his sister. I didn't ruin her. +Hear about Ice? What now? +What now? He won again. +I'VE GOT TWO MORE BOGEYS COMING IN AT FOUR O'CLOCK HIGH. GOT 'EM. +ENGAGING BANDIT 12 O'CLOCK. SHIT!! +COME OFF RIGHT--COME OFF HIGH--I'M IN--I'LL ENGAGE. STAY WHERE YOU ARE. HE'S MINE. I'M ENGAGED. I'M IN. +GET OUT OF THERE, YOU'RE UNSAFE. GET OUT OF THERE. FIRE, OR CLEAR OUT, ICE. +FIRE, OR CLEAR OUT, ICE. GET LOST! +GET LOST! YOU GOT TOO MUCH NOSE TO TAIL -- I'M COMING IN. +YOU GOT TOO MUCH NOSE TO TAIL -- I'M COMING IN. IT'S MY SHOT. +COME OFF--COME OFF RIGHT. I'M ON MY WAY IN. YOU GO FREE, I'M ENGAGING. STAY OUT OF IT. STAY OUT OF IT, MAVERICK. +STAY OUT OF IT. STAY OUT OF IT, MAVERICK. YOU CAN'T SHOOT HIM, I CAN. I'M IN. +ICE, ROLL OFF, I CAN SHOOT HIM. NO, NO, NO, HE'S MINE. +IF YOU CAN'T SHOOT HIM, I CAN. NO, I GOT HIM. I CAN TAKE HIM. +OKAY, GOING UP. ICE, GO HIGH. LOOK OUT! +ON THE NOSE? GOT 'EM. GOT GOOD TONE. +I GOT A WINDER LEFT, BUT NO GOOD TONE ON IT. I CAN'T LOSE HIM, CAN YOU GET OFF A SHOT? +I CAN'T LOSE HIM, CAN YOU GET OFF A SHOT? I GOT NO TONE. IT MIGHT GET YOU. +I GOT NO TONE. IT MIGHT GET YOU. WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE? SHOOT IT. +WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE? SHOOT IT. WHEN I SHOOT, YOU BREAK LEFT..3..2 +I guess I owe you one. You don't owe me anything. We're on the same team. +You don't owe me anything. We're on the same team. You saved our lives. You did it! +You saved our lives. You did it! We did it. +We did it. You're a hell of a flyer. You can be my wingman any time. +You're a hell of a flyer. You can be my wingman any time. No. You can be mine! +Figured it out yet? Figured out what? +Figured out what? Who is the best. +Who is the best. Nope. +Nope. Need a hint? +Need a hint? I think I can work it out on my own. +I think I can work it out on my own. You like to work alone. I've heard that about you. +You like to work alone. I've heard that about you. I've heard of you, too. You were in 124 with Bargamian. +I've heard of you, too. You were in 124 with Bargamian. And you were with Cougar. He was my roommate in flight school. +The hard deck for this hop was ten thousand feet. Jester, at what point did you call off the fight? Just below ten thousand. +Just below ten thousand. But you continued to fight. +I don't know what to tell you, Skip. Tell me one thing. +He's seat of the pants... Completely unpredictable -- nothing by the book. All over the sky. But I don't know, Skip, he's really got something. "Yeah, we get one of these guys every damn class. ""Maverick!""" +WALKED RIGHT INTO IT. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT ZORRO GOT YOUR WINGMAN. NICE GOING. +He just won't engage. He can't do it, Skipper. He can't get back on the horse. It's only been a week. Keep sending him up. +It's only been a week. Keep sending him up. I've seen this before. +I've seen this before. So have I. +So have I. Some guys never get it back. +Who's the hell is that? Three guesses. +Three guesses. Well, he's in trouble and he didn't even get here yet. +Ah, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Speaking of feet, fuel's down to 4.0. We're gonna get them wet unless we find a Sonoco station. +Speaking of feet, fuel's down to 4.0. We're gonna get them wet unless we find a Sonoco station. COUGAR, THIS IS MAVERICK. I'M GETTING HUNGRY, LET'S HEAD FOR THE BARN. ...COUGAR, WHERE ARE YOU? +I...FORGOT SOMETHING. What the hell you doing? +What the hell you doing? Helping him in. +Helping him in. What makes you think we can get back in? We don't have the fuel for this. MAVERICK Just get me to him. +You won?!!! Didn't everybody? +It was bad. Bad? +Bad? The girl with the purple fingernails was Coogan's sister. +You didn't help. No, really. She came ruined!... Ya think he knows it was me? +Morning, Coogan. How's it goin', Coog? +He's a good pilot. I talked a man back once. Three months later, we lost him. It's his decision. Only he knows. +Was going. Now you are. Me? +You just did an incredibly brave thing! What you should have done was land your plane. You don't own that plane, the taxpayers do. I should ream you out for it. But it just doesn't work with you. You're a hell of a flyer. You are maybe ...too good. You never really stepped in it yet. So this is your chance. I'm gonna send you up against the best. They are better than you. Maybe they'll knock that shine off your eagle and you'll see, finally, where discipline and teamwork fit it. Maverick hasn't really heard anything but TOPGUN. He snaps out of it. Sir? +Sir? That is all. Tell me about the MiG some other time... +That is all. Tell me about the MiG some other time... Yes sir! +Yes sir.. The wings.. +Considering the company you're in, that's a pretty arrogant attitude. Yes sir. +Yes sir. I like that in a fighter pilot. It's okay to be confident. You have to think you're King Kong to want to try to land on carriers. Just keep in mind the other component of success...teamwork. +Maverick... Where'd you get that call sign? Ahhh... Runs in the family, sir. +Ahhh... Runs in the family, sir. You're father was Marvin Mitchell.. +You're father was Marvin Mitchell.. Yes sir. +Yes sir. A good man. Good flyer. +I had him in view. I was peeling over the egg, into a dive. He saw me when I moved in for the kill. There wasn't any danger... Is that how you remember it? +Why? We weren't below for more than ten seconds. There was no danger. I had the shot. I took it. +We weren't below for more than ten seconds. There was no danger. I had the shot. I took it. The rules of engagement are not flexible. They exist for your safety. You will obey them. Is that clear? +I wasn't thinking. I just did it. Big gamble with a thirty million dollar plane! +SNAPSHOT..MISSED HIM.. ENGAGING THE OTHER GUY. WOOD, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. +Twenty years' experience, I couldn't shake you. You may be a great flyer. I mean that. I lost. +I lost. Of course you did. I said a great flyer, not a smart one. You fly reckless. Great instincts. No discipline. That ambush today, you followed your emotions instead of your wingman. Of course you got killed...and well deserved to. It was a really stupid mistake. In battle, it gets people killed. +I can take care of myself. Talent is no holy shield. Von Richtofen was killed by a farm boy. Instincts are not enough. Do it our way. We've worked these things out. The good pilots can become better and the great ones can learn how to stay alive. Why do you have to do everything the hard way? +Talent is no holy shield. Von Richtofen was killed by a farm boy. Instincts are not enough. Do it our way. We've worked these things out. The good pilots can become better and the great ones can learn how to stay alive. Why do you have to do everything the hard way? It's my own way. It works for me. I don't care about the rest of that stuff. +It's my own way. It works for me. I don't care about the rest of that stuff. Then why are you here? +Then why are you here? For the same reason you are. +For the same reason you are. Oh, you mean the thrill! +Oh, you mean the thrill! The flying. The fighting. I'd go up there ten times a day to fight. I'd win at least nine of them. That's all I want to do. It's what I do best. I am real good. Just give me the jet. +How do you feel? All right. +All right. Goose is dead. +Goose is dead. I know. I was there. +He was...my responsibility--my RIO. My first squadron in Vietnam, we lost eight out of eighteen planes. Ten guys. The first one kills you, but there'll be others--you can count on it. +Skipper, sorry to bother you. No bother. +No bother. I called your house. +I called your house. My wife's house. +My wife's house. She said you took your kid to the each. Every second Sunday. Zoo or beach or the ballgame. Y'have the option... What about me? +"We can send you back to your squadron with nothing noted on your record except ""CNC"" --course not completed, no explanation required. Theoretically, it doesn't hurt your career, but people always wonder about things like that." Or.... +Or.... Or you can quit. +Or you can quit. I don't know... +I don't know... I didn't know either. That's why I told Jester to prepare your papers. +It's no disgrace, kid. That spin was hell. It would wreck anyone's confidence. You could be a good pilot again someday... You think I should quit?! +You think I should quit?! I didn't say that. That's up to you. But I have responsibility for the other guys up there, not just you. They need to know you're all right...that they can depend on you. +Sometimes it's luck, but in this case, he earned it... I served with your old man. I know. +I know. VF 51, the Oriskany. You remind me of him. You're just like he was, only better...and worse. +VF 51, the Oriskany. You remind me of him. You're just like he was, only better...and worse. I'm nothing like him. +I'm nothing like him. You may not think so, but you are. +You may not think so, but you are. He was by the book, all the way. +He was by the book, all the way. They waved him off. He thought he knew better. He hit the ramp. +They waved him off. He thought he knew better. He hit the ramp. I never heard that. +I never heard that. Not something they tell dependents. +Not something they tell dependents. It's not true. +How can I go on? I feel so... responsible. Kid, the plain fact is...you are. I'm not gonna stand here and blow sunshine up your ass. Technically, they absolved you. You and I know what really happened. You pushed it. You are responsible and you'll always carry that. You know what, I'll carry it too. I should have taken you out of that cockpit. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic... I always try to find something worthwhile in someone's death. It's no trade-off. It's not one for one. What you learned isn't worth his death. It couldn't be. But maybe there is some value in it. I know it's the first thing I've ever seen that's really gotten to you. Now the question is, what will you do with it. If it gets you out of flight status...so you don't kill yourself or anybody else...that's good. That's one good thing. You were an accident waiting to happen. +Kid, the plain fact is...you are. I'm not gonna stand here and blow sunshine up your ass. Technically, they absolved you. You and I know what really happened. You pushed it. You are responsible and you'll always carry that. You know what, I'll carry it too. I should have taken you out of that cockpit. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic... I always try to find something worthwhile in someone's death. It's no trade-off. It's not one for one. What you learned isn't worth his death. It couldn't be. But maybe there is some value in it. I know it's the first thing I've ever seen that's really gotten to you. Now the question is, what will you do with it. If it gets you out of flight status...so you don't kill yourself or anybody else...that's good. That's one good thing. You were an accident waiting to happen. You think I shouldn't fly. +You think I shouldn't fly. I didn't say that. That's up to you. I think that if you do, if you choose to come back, you'll be a better pilot... a better man. +I didn't say that. That's up to you. I think that if you do, if you choose to come back, you'll be a better pilot... a better man. Would you take me back? Would they? +Would you take me back? Would they? I'll have to think about it. I don't know about them. I do know one thing, We've got a lot invested in you. We'd hate to lose it. Even more than those other guys, Naval Aviation needs a very few, very good men. +What's wrong with this one? He ain't got five kids to feed. +Where's yours? Over there man. +Over there man. You got the job. +Welcome to Mars. What was that? An accident? +What to the rebels want? Oh, the usual. More money, more freedom, more air. +So, where to? The Last Resort. +The Last Resort. You're getting off to an early start. +First time on Mars? Yeah...Well, actually no...Sort of. +Yeah...Well, actually no...Sort of. Man don't know if he's been to Mars or not +Tell me something; are all psychics, uh....? Freaks?...'Fraid so, man. Goes with the territory. +Freaks?...'Fraid so, man. Goes with the territory. What happened to them? +What happened to them? Cheap domes. And no air to screen out the rays. +Well, there it is; the Last Resort. Sure you wanna go in? Why not? +Why not? I know a much better place down the block -- the girls are clean; the liquor ain't watered down... +I know a much better place down the block -- the girls are clean; the liquor ain't watered down... And you get a kickback. +Lemme ask you a question. Ever fuck a mutant? Take me to the hotel. +What happened to number five? Ah, shit. You got me. I ain't even married. Now put your fucking hands in the air! +Need a ride? The Last Resort! Quick! +Shut up and drive! Whatcha doin' to me, man?! I got six kids to feed! +And if you wanna breathe, you gotta but his air. But maybe you can change all that. +But maybe you can change all that. I think my grampa might be here. +How could you do this? You're a mutant. Hey, I got four kids to feed. +What do you want? They've got you bugged, and they'll be busting down the door in about three minutes unless you do exactly what I say. +Don't bother looking. It's in your skull. Who are you? +Who are you? Never mind. Wet a towel and wrap it around your head. That'll muffle the signal. +Never mind. Wet a towel and wrap it around your head. That'll muffle the signal. How'd you find me? +How'd you find me? I'd advise you to hurry. +Nice to have you back with us, Mr. Brubaker. Thank you. +Thank you. Would you like the same suite? +Would you like the same suite? Definitely. +Hmm. It seems you left something in our safe. Get it, please. +Get it, please. Identification? +I'll go encode your room key. Thank you. +There you go, Mr. Brubaker. Suite 610 in the East Wing. May I use your pen? +Well, my boy, you're a hero. Fuck you. +Fuck you. Don't be modest. Kuato's dead; the Resistance has been completely wiped out; and you were the key to the whole thing. +You see, Quaid, none of my people could get close to Kuato. The fucking mutants could always sniff us out. So Hauser and I sat down and invented you: the perfect mole. He's lying. Hauser turned against you. +He's lying. Hauser turned against you. That's what we wanted you to think. The fact is, Hauser volunteered to become Doug Quaid. It was the only way to fool the psychics. +That's what we wanted you to think. The fact is, Hauser volunteered to become Doug Quaid. It was the only way to fool the psychics. Get your story straight. This idiot's been trying to kill me since I went to Rekall. --You don't kill somebody you're trying to plant. +Get your story straight. This idiot's been trying to kill me since I went to Rekall. --You don't kill somebody you're trying to plant. He wasn't in on it. You set him off by going to Rekall. +He wasn't in on it. You set him off by going to Rekall. So why am I still alive? +So why am I still alive? We gave you lots of help. Benny here... +The guy with the suitcase; the mask; the money; the message form Hauser...All of that was set up by us. Sorry. Too perfect. +Sorry. Too perfect. Perfect, my ass! --You pop your memory cap before we can activate you. Then Richter goes hod wild, screwing up everything I spent a year planning. --Frankly, I'm amazed is worked. +Well, Cohaagen, I have to hand it to you...This is the best mindfuck yet. Don't take my word for it, Quaid. Someone you trust wants to talk to you. +Don't take my word for it, Quaid. Someone you trust wants to talk to you. Who is it this time--my mother? +The guy's a fucking asshole. Not true, he's one of my best friends...He's got a big house and a Mercedes. And you like Melina, right? Well, you'll get to fuck her every night.--That's right. She's gonna be Hauser's babe. +Come on, Cohaagen! You got what you want. Give these people air! My friend, five minutes from now, you won't give a shit about the people. Fire it up, Doc. +What are you afraid of? Turn it on. Impossible. Once the reaction starts, it'll spread to all the turbinium in the planet. Mars will go into global meltdown.--That's why the aliens never turned it on. +Impossible. Once the reaction starts, it'll spread to all the turbinium in the planet. Mars will go into global meltdown.--That's why the aliens never turned it on. Do you expect me to believe you? +Do you expect me to believe you? Who gives a shit what you believe? In thirty seconds, you'll be dead. Then I'll blow this place up... +I didn't want it to end this way. I wanted Hauser back. But nooo. You had to be Quaid. I am Quaid. +I am Quaid. You're nothing! You're nobody! You're a stupid dream. Well all dreams come to an end. +What the fuck is going on down there?! I'm trying to neutralize a traitor. +I'm trying to neutralize a traitor. If I wanted him dead, you moron, I wouldn't have dumped him on Earth. +If I wanted him dead, you moron, I wouldn't have dumped him on Earth. We can't let him run around. He knows too much. +We can't let him run around. He knows too much. Lori says he can't remember jack shit! +Lori says he can't remember jack shit! That's now. In an hour, he could have total recall. +That's now. In an hour, he could have total recall. Listen to me, Richter, I want Quaid delivered alive for re-implantation. Have you got that? I want him back in place with Lori. +Richter, do you know why I'm such a happy person? No, sir. +No, sir. Because I've got the greatest job in the solar system. As long as the turbinium keeps flowing, I can do anything I want. Anything. If fact, the only thing I ever worry about is that one day, if the rebels win, it all might end. +He had help. From our side, sir. I know that. +I know that. But I thought... +But I thought... Who told you to think?! I don't give you enough information to think! You do what you're told!! That's what you do! +Who told you to think?! I don't give you enough information to think! You do what you're told!! That's what you do! Yes, sir. +Now let's get down to business. Kuato wants what's in Quaid's head. And he might be able to get it, cause they say he's psychic. Now I have a little plan to keep this from happening. --Do you think you can play along? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Great! Because, otherwise I'll erase your ass. +Stop fighting and get out. They've got Quaid! They're protecting him! +They've got Quaid! They're protecting him! Perfect!...Get out of Sector G. Now. Don't think. Do it. +Perfect!...Get out of Sector G. Now. Don't think. Do it. Yes, sir. +I say we throw the switch and see what happens. Don't be an idiot. +Kill him. It's about goddamn time. +Bob? What is it? +What is it? You better get down here. +I'm with an very important client. Looks like another schizoid embolism. +What the fuck is going on here?! You can't install a simple goddamn double implant?! It's not my fault. We hit a memory cap. +Listen to me! He's been going on and on about Mars. He's really been there. Use your head, you dumb bitch! He's acting out the secret agent role from his Ego Trip! +Use your head, you dumb bitch! He's acting out the secret agent role from his Ego Trip! I'm afraid that's not possible. +I'm afraid that's not possible. Why not? +Why not? We haven't implanted it yet. +Oh shit....Oh shit... I've been trying to tell you. Someone erased his memory. +Okay, this is what we're gonna do. Renata, cover up any memory he has of us or Rekall. I'll do what I can. It's getting messy in there. +I'll do what I can. It's getting messy in there. Ernie, dump him in a cab. Around the corner. Tiffany, you help him. I'll destroy his file and refund his money. And if anybody comes asking...we've never heard of Douglas Quaid. +Ernie, dump him in a cab. Around the corner. Tiffany, you help him. I'll destroy his file and refund his money. And if anybody comes asking...we've never heard of Douglas Quaid. Come on...put his head in place. +Good evening... Doug. I'm Dr. Lull. Nice to meet you. +Two-headed monsters? Don't you keep up with the news? We're doing alien artifacts now. +So, been married long? Eight years. +Eight years. I see. Slipping away for a little hanky-panky. +I see. Slipping away for a little hanky-panky. Not really. I've just always been fascinated by Mars. +Your sexual orientation? Hetero. +Hetero. Hmmm. And how do you like your women? +Blonde, brunette, redhead? Brunette. +Brunette. Slim, athletic, voluptuous? +Demure, aggressive, sleazy? Be honest. Sleazy...and demure. +Sleazy...and demure. Forty-one A, Ernie. +What do you want? This is going to be very difficult for you at accept, Mr. Quaid. +This is going to be very difficult for you at accept, Mr. Quaid. I'm listening. +I'm listening. I'm afraid you're not really standing here right now. +Ya know, Doc, you could have folled me. I'm quite serious. You're not here, and neither am I. +Amazing. Where are we? At Rekall. +You're strapped into an implant chair, and I'm monitoring you at a psycho-probe console. Oh, I get it; I'm dreaming! And this is all part of that delightful vacation your company sold me. +Oh, I get it; I'm dreaming! And this is all part of that delightful vacation your company sold me. Not exactly. What you're experiencing is a free-form delusion based on our memory tapes. But you're inventing it yourself as you go along. +Not exactly. What you're experiencing is a free-form delusion based on our memory tapes. But you're inventing it yourself as you go along. Well, if this is my delusion, who invited you? +Well, if this is my delusion, who invited you? I've been artificially implanted as an emergency measure. I'm sorry to tell you this, Mr. Quaid, but you've suffered a schizoid embolism. We can't snap you out of your fantasy. I've been sent in to try to talk you down. +I've been artificially implanted as an emergency measure. I'm sorry to tell you this, Mr. Quaid, but you've suffered a schizoid embolism. We can't snap you out of your fantasy. I've been sent in to try to talk you down. How much is Cohaagen paying you for this? +How much is Cohaagen paying you for this? Think about it. Your dream started in the middle of the implant procedure. Everything after that--the chases, the trip to Mars, your suite here at the Hilton--these are all elements of your Rekall Holiday. And Ego Trip: You paid to be a secret agent. +Think about it. Your dream started in the middle of the implant procedure. Everything after that--the chases, the trip to Mars, your suite here at the Hilton--these are all elements of your Rekall Holiday. And Ego Trip: You paid to be a secret agent. Bullshit. It's all coincidence. +Bullshit. It's all coincidence. What about the girl? Brunette, athletic, sleazy and demure; just like you specified. Is that a coincidence? +What about the girl? Brunette, athletic, sleazy and demure; just like you specified. Is that a coincidence? She's real. I dreamed about her before I even went to Rekall. +She's real. I dreamed about her before I even went to Rekall. "Mr. Quaid, can you hear yourself? ""She's real because you dreamed her?""" +"Mr. Quaid, can you hear yourself? ""She's real because you dreamed her?""" That's right. +You open it. No need to be rude. I'll do it. +Suppose I do...then what? Swallow this. +What is it? It's a symbol. Of your desire to return to reality. --Inside your dream, you'll fall asleep. +Mr. Cohaagen wants to see you right away. Any news of Quaid? +Any news of Quaid? Not since you lost him. +Not since you lost him. Watch your mouth, Captain. +Quaid! That's Quaid! Where? +Where? There! The woman! +HER! Arrest that woman! +Richter! Call from Cohaagen. This is Richter sir...I've got them pinned down. +Pull them out. O.K., everybody pull out! +Hey, hey Tony. Give the big guy a break. Relax, you'll live longer. +If we don't hand you over, everybody in the sector'll be dead by morning. We don't have much choice then, do we? +Sit down. Where's Kuato? +Where's Kuato? On his way. +On his way. You heard the rumors about the Pyramid Mine? +You heard the rumors about the Pyramid Mine? Yeah. +Yeah. Cohaagen found something weird inside, and it's got him scared shitless. +Cohaagen found something weird inside, and it's got him scared shitless. What, aliens? +What, aliens? You tell me. +You tell me. I don't know. +I don't know. Yes, you do. That's why we brought you here. -- Cohaagen's big secret is buried in that black hole you call a brain. And Kuato's gonna dig it out. +Yes, you do. That's why we brought you here. -- Cohaagen's big secret is buried in that black hole you call a brain. And Kuato's gonna dig it out. You're Kuato, right? +You're Kuato, right? Wrong. Kuato's a mutant. So don't get upset when you see him. +Shit! C'mon! +They found us! Everybody out! Melina! +Hey Harry...Harry! You ever heard of Rekall? Rekall? +Rekall? They sell fake memories. +They sell fake memories. Oh, Rekall. +Oh, Rekall. Yeah. +Yeah. """RekallRekallRekall."" You thinkin' of goin' there?" +I don't know. Maybe. Well don't. +Why not? "A friend of mine tried one of their ""special offers""...Nearly got himself lobotomized." +"A friend of mine tried one of their ""special offers""...Nearly got himself lobotomized." No shit... +No shit... Don't fuck with your brain, pal. It ain't worth it. +Hey, Quaid! Harry! +Harry! How was your trip to Mars? +What trip? You went to Rekall, remember? +You went to Rekall, remember? I did? +I did? Yeah, you did. I told you not to but you did anyway. +Yeah, you did. I told you not to but you did anyway. What are you, my father? +What are you, my father? Let me buy you a drink. +Let me buy you a drink. No, Harry, I'm already late...See you tomorrow. +Harry, what the hell is this? Come on, let's go have that drink. +Come on, let's go have that drink. What the fuck did I do wrong?! Tell me! +What the fuck did I do wrong?! Tell me! You blabbed, Quaid! You blabbed about Mars! +You blabbed, Quaid! You blabbed about Mars! Are you crazy?! I don't know anything about Mars. +You shoulda listened to me, Quaid. I was there to keep you outta trouble. Harry, you're making a big mistake! You've got me mixed up with somebody else! +Harry, you're making a big mistake! You've got me mixed up with somebody else! Unh-uh, pal. You've got yourself mixed up with somebody else. +Where? Up to the right. +I want that fucker dead. I don't blame you man. I wouldn't want Quaid porkin' my old lady. +I don't blame you man. I wouldn't want Quaid porkin' my old lady. Are you saying she liked it? +Are you saying she liked it? I'm sure she hated every fuckin' minute of it. +What was that? I couldn't hear you. I've got Quaid. +Where is he? Level 2. Galleria. +Level 2. Galleria. He shoulda killed Quaid back on Mars. +Shit! What is it? +That son of a bitch got to be around here somewhere. I've got him. The guy in the turban. +I've got a weak signal over there. Split up. Find him. +He's not at ground level. Up! +I've got a lock! There! Come on! +Look at this shit. What the hell is this? +I'm sorry. Would you please rephrase the question. How did I get in this taxi?! +How did I get in this taxi?! The door opened. You got it. +Welcome to JohnnyCab. Where can I...? Drive! DRIVE!! +Would you please repeat the destination? Anywhere! Go!..Just go -- OH SHIT!! SHIT!! +The fare is eighteen credits, please. Quit while you're ahead. +Quit while you're ahead. Thanks for taking Johnnycab. +Is that better? Mmmm..... +Mmmm..... Poor baby. This is getting to be an obsession. +Who? The brunette. The one you told me about. +The brunette. The one you told me about. Lori, I don't believe it...You're jealous of a dream! +Who is she? Nobody. +Nobody. Nobody?! What's her name? +Nobody?! What's her name? I don't know. +I don't know. Tell me! +It's not funny, Doug. You dream about her every night. But I'm always home by morning. +Let me go! Aw, come on, baby...You're the girl of my dreams. +...You mean it? You know I do. +Lori... Yeah, sweetheart? +Yeah, sweetheart? Let's do it. +Let's do it. Do what? +Do what? Move to Mars. +Honey, do you have to spoil a perfectly wonderful morning. Just think about it. +Just think about it. Sweetheart, we've been through this a million times. You'd hate it on Mars. It's dry; it's ugly; it's boring! --I mean, really, a revolution could break out there any minute. +Sweetheart, we've been through this a million times. You'd hate it on Mars. It's dry; it's ugly; it's boring! --I mean, really, a revolution could break out there any minute. Cohaagen says it's just a few extremists. +Cohaagen says it's just a few extremists. And you believe him? +And you believe him? All right, forget about it. +Doug, maybe we should take a trip. Lori, move. +Lori, move. There's lots nicer places than Mars. +Well...What do you say? I'm late. +Sweetheart...I know it's hard being in a new town, but let's at least give it a chance here. Okay? Lori, don't you understand? I feel I was meant for something more than this. I want to do something with my life.--I want to be somebody. +You are somebody. You're the man I love. Bye. +What are you doing? Some men just tried to kill me! +Muggers?! Doug, are you all right? What happened? No! Spies or something. And Harry from work...Get down! +Harry from work...He was the boss. "Take it easy. Tell me exactly what happened? Why would ""spies"" want to kill you?" +"Take it easy. Tell me exactly what happened? Why would ""spies"" want to kill you?" I don't know! It had something to do with Mars. +I don't know! It had something to do with Mars. Mars? You've never even been to Mars. +Mars? You've never even been to Mars. I know it sounds crazy, but I went to this Rekall place after work, and... +I know it sounds crazy, but I went to this Rekall place after work, and... You went to those brain butchers?! +You went to those brain butchers?! Let me finish! +Let me finish! What did they do to you? Tell me! +What did they do to you? Tell me! --I got a trip to Mars. +--I got a trip to Mars. Oh God, Doug. +Oh God, Doug. Forget Rekall, will you! These men were going to kill me... +Forget Rekall, will you! These men were going to kill me... Doug, nobody tried to kill you. +Doug, nobody tried to kill you. They did! But I killed them! +You call this a paranoid delusion?! Doug... +Not talk! I said TALK!! I'm not your wife. +I'm not your wife. The hell you're not. +The hell you're not. I swear to God!...I never saw you before six weeks ago! Our marriage is just a memory implant -- agghh! +I swear to God!...I never saw you before six weeks ago! Our marriage is just a memory implant -- agghh! You think I'm an idiot? Remember our wedding? +You think I'm an idiot? Remember our wedding? It was implanted by the Agency. +It was implanted by the Agency. And falling in love? +And falling in love? Implanted. +Implanted. Our friends, my job, eight years together, I suppose all this was implanted too? +Our friends, my job, eight years together, I suppose all this was implanted too? The job's real. -- But the Agency set it up. +The job's real. -- But the Agency set it up. Bullshit. +O.K. then. If I'm not me, then who the hell am I? Beats me. I just work here. +But Doug...There's something I want you to know. You're the best assignment I ever hand. Really. I'm honored. +I'm honored. You sure you don't wanna...? For old time's sake. If you don't trust me, you can tie me up. +You sure you don't wanna...? For old time's sake. If you don't trust me, you can tie me up. I didn't know you were so kinky. +I didn't know you were so kinky. It's time you found out. +Clever girl. Doug...You wouldn't shoot me, would you? After all we've been through? +Doug...You wouldn't shoot me, would you? After all we've been through? Yeah. Some of it was fun. +I suppose you're not here either. I'm here at Rekall. +I love you. Right. That's why you tried to kill me. +Right. That's why you tried to kill me. Nooo! I would never do anything to hurt you. I want you to come back to me. +Nooo! I would never do anything to hurt you. I want you to come back to me. Bullshit. +Then I can pull this trigger, and it won't matter. Doug, don't! +Doug...Bob McClane. Nice to meet you. +Nice to meet you. Good to see ya. Right this way. +Now help me out here, Doug. You were interested in a memory of... Mars. +Mars. Right. Mars. +Right. Mars. That a problem? +That a problem? To be perfectly honest with you, Doug, if outer space is your thing, I think you'd be much happier with one of our Saturn cruises.Everybody raves about 'em. +To be perfectly honest with you, Doug, if outer space is your thing, I think you'd be much happier with one of our Saturn cruises.Everybody raves about 'em. I'm not interested in Saturn. I said Mars. +I'm not interested in Saturn. I said Mars. Okay, you're the boss -- Mars it is. +Let's see...the basic Mars package will run you just eight hundred and ninety-nine credits. That's for two full weeks of memories, complete in every detail. --A longer trip'll run you a little more, cause you need a deeper implant. What's in the two week package? +What's in the two week package? First of all, Doug, when you go Rekall, you get nothing but first class memories: private cabin on the shuttle; deluxe suite at the Hilton; plus all the major sights: Mount Pyramid, the Grand Canals, and of course... Venusville. +First of all, Doug, when you go Rekall, you get nothing but first class memories: private cabin on the shuttle; deluxe suite at the Hilton; plus all the major sights: Mount Pyramid, the Grand Canals, and of course... Venusville. How real does it seem? +How real does it seem? As real as any memory in your head. +As real as any memory in your head. Come on, don't bullshit me. +Come on, don't bullshit me. I'm telling you, Doug, your brain won't know the difference. Guaranteed, or your money back. +I'm telling you, Doug, your brain won't know the difference. Guaranteed, or your money back. What about the guy you lobotomized...Did he get a refund? +What about the guy you lobotomized...Did he get a refund? You're talking ancient history, Doug. Nowadays, traveling with Rekall is safer than getting on a rocket. Look at the statistics. +All right. Smart move. Now while you fill out the questionnaire, I'll familiarize you with some of our options. +Smart move. Now while you fill out the questionnaire, I'll familiarize you with some of our options. No options. +No options. Whatever you say...Just answer one question. What is it that is exactly the same about every vacation you've ever taken? +I give up. "You. You're the same. No matter where you go, there you are. Always the same old you. Let me suggest that you take a vacation from yourself. I know it sounds wild, but it's the latest thing in travel. We call it an ""Ego Trip""." +"You. You're the same. No matter where you go, there you are. Always the same old you. Let me suggest that you take a vacation from yourself. I know it sounds wild, but it's the latest thing in travel. We call it an ""Ego Trip""." I'm not interested in that. +I'm not interested in that. You're gonna love this. --We offer you a choice of alternate identities during your trip. +Secret agent...How much is that? Aaah, let me tantalize you. You're a top operative, back under deep cover on your most important mission. People are trying to kill you left and right. You meet a beautiful, exotic woman... +Go on. I don't wanna spoil it for you, Doug. Just rest assured, by the time the trip is over, you get the girl, you kill the bad guys, and you save the entire planet. Now you tell me. Is that worth three hundred measly credits? +They'll be here any minute! They'll kill you all! What's he talking about? +What's he talking about? Let me go! +I love you. I love you. +Ooo, whatcha been feeding that thing? Blondes. +Blondes. I think it's still hungry. +I thought Cohaagen tortured you to death! I guess he didn't. +I guess he didn't. You couldn't get me a message? You never wondered what happened to me? +...What? There's something I have to tell you... +I don't remember you. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I don't remember you. I don't remember us. I don't even remember me. +What, did you get amnesia?...How'd you get here? Hauser left me a note. +Hauser left me a note. Hauser? You're Hauser. +Hauser? You're Hauser. Not any more. +Hauser, you're lost your mind. I didn't lose it. Cohaagen stole it. He found out that Hauser switched sides,-so he turned him into somebody else. Me. +I didn't lose it. Cohaagen stole it. He found out that Hauser switched sides,-so he turned him into somebody else. Me. This is too weird. +This is too weird. Then he dumped me on Earth with a wife and a lousy job and ... +Then he dumped me on Earth with a wife and a lousy job and ... Wait, did you say wife?...Are you fuckin' married!!? +She wasn't really my wife. Oh, she isn't really your wife. How stupid of me...She was Hauser's wife. +Oh, she isn't really your wife. How stupid of me...She was Hauser's wife. Forget I said wife. +Forget I said wife. No. Let's forget everything! I've had it with you and your goddamn lies. +No. Let's forget everything! I've had it with you and your goddamn lies. Why would I lie to you? +Why would I lie to you? Because you're still working for Cohaagen. +Because you're still working for Cohaagen. Don't be ridiculous. +Don't be ridiculous. You never loved me, Hauser! You just used me to get inside. +You never loved me, Hauser! You just used me to get inside. Inside what? +I think you better leave. Melina, Hauser sent me to do something. +Melina, Hauser sent me to do something. I'm not falling for it. +I'm not falling for it. He said there's enough in here to nail Cohaagen for good. +He said there's enough in here to nail Cohaagen for good. Get out! +I said get out! Melina, please...People are trying to kill me. +I thought you didn't like me. If Cohaagen wants you dead, you might be okay. +So you dropped by to apologize? Kuato wants to see you. Come on! +Now what? Jump! +By the way...ever heard of a company names Rekall? I used to model for 'em, why? +I used to model for 'em, why? Just wondering. +Not bad, for a hooker. I'm not a hooker! That's my cover. +The first settlers are buried here. They worked themselves to death, but Cohaagen ended up with all the money. He built cheap domes and watched their kids turn into freaks. I saw them. +What can I do? Kuato's gonna make you remember a few things you knew when you were Hauser. +Kuato's gonna make you remember a few things you knew when you were Hauser. Like what? +Like what? All sorts of things. You might even remember you loved me. +All sorts of things. You might even remember you loved me. I don't need Kuato for that. +I don't need Kuato for that. Oh, since when? +He's lying. You two-faced-bastard. +Are you all right? Are you still you? I'm not sure dear? What do you think? +Where are you going?! The reactor. +The reactor. What reactor?! +What reactor?! The one in the mine! +The one in the mine! People are dying, Quaid!! Stop!! We've got to get air!! +"Where's this ""reactor"" come from?" Aliens built it. +Aliens built it. Aliens?! +You sure about this? It's just up ahead. +Cohaagen knows it makes air. But the bastard won't turn it on. Of course not. If Mars had an atmosphere, he's lose control. +The whole core of Mars is ice. The reactor melts it and releases oxygen. Enough for everybody to breathe? +What's wrong? I just has a terrible thought...What is this is all a dream? +I just has a terrible thought...What is this is all a dream? Then kiss me quick...before you wake up. +This is the suitcase you gave me. I gave you? +I gave you? I'm leaving it here. Come get it and keep moving. +Wait! What? +What? ...Who are you? +...Who are you? We were buddies in the Agency back on Mars. You asked me to find you if you disappeared. So here I am, good-bye. +We were buddies in the Agency back on Mars. You asked me to find you if you disappeared. So here I am, good-bye. What was I doing on Mars?! Damn! +Rhonda. Rhonda LeBeck. She's getting some kind of strange readings on her things. "Damn, you know, those kids turn up oil or uranium or something out there...next thing the Feds will be at our door. ""Sorry, time to move. Eminent domain.""" +Or a big mother slug maybe? Some kind of mutation...? +You guys all set? Ready as we'll ever be. +Ready as we'll ever be. Heather and I are going to drive around a little, see if we can find that college girl and tell her to get her ass back into town. +You stupid punk! You came that close, that close!! One of these days, Melvin, somebody's gonna kick your ass. +Okay, Burt, listen. Forget shooting them. Tell me this: can you get to your truck? No problem. +No problem. Good. You've got the only truck in the valley that can make it up that damn jeep trail. So, here's the plan: You and Heather go for help. Get to the mountains... +Yeah, like they got a plan... Breaker there, Earl. What do you want us to do? +Breaker there, Earl. What do you want us to do? Hang on, Burt. The bastards are up to something. +Yeah, still got one poking around. That's four. Let us know if it starts moving, Burt. +That's four. Let us know if it starts moving, Burt. Roger that. +What? Well, for chrissake, we could have made a stand at our place! We had food, water... You can't fight'em that way... +You can't fight'em that way... You two jackasses hauled us way the hell out here...!? +How much you think? I don't know... They're pretty quick...fifteen seconds? +What the hell is that, anyway? Cannon fuse. +Cannon fuse. What do you use it for? +What do you use it for? My cannon. +Miguel, the trouble's come to us. If we're not ready... Phone's out. Road's out. We're on our own. +I can't believe it. No tracks, no sign, no spoor. Yeah, whatever they are, you'd think after they ate all those sheep they'd have to take a dump someplace... What the hell's going on in town? +You're not getting any penetration, even with the elephant gun. Damn! Val, we can't get them. Never figured on having to shoot through dirt! Best goddamn bullet stop there is. Come back. +Knock it off, Burt! I think I scared it! +What do you think? Max firepower or...? I'd go for penetration. The 458 shooting solids -- less ammo to carry anyway. +A beauty, isn't it? We bought three of them for the rec room. We sell 'em to you for three bucks a piece! +What the hell you doing back already? You're never going to believe this, but the canyon road...we were on it not two hours ago...well, it's completely... +Negative copy on that, Pham, check your frequency. I'm on forty-nine. Burt, can you hear me now? +Burt, can you hear me now? Just barely, Pham. What are you all doing up on your roofs. What the hell's going on? Come back. +Burt! This is Val! Get out of your basement!! Take your radio! You and Heather get up on your roof! Then we'll talk, okay?! Val? What the hell you doing back already? +Val? What the hell you doing back already? Burt, get out! Get up on your roof or someplace! We found out what's been killing people! They're under the ground! +Burt, get out! Get up on your roof or someplace! We found out what's been killing people! They're under the ground! What's under the ground? We're not getting up on the roof. Earth shelter's the best. Known that since I was a kid. +What's under the ground? We're not getting up on the roof. Earth shelter's the best. Known that since I was a kid. Listen! Listen! We know what they are! They're big things under the ground! Much bigger than we thought! They're coming after you! They're coming right now! +Let's go you two. We're headed for the mountains. In a minute. +That's fine. We've got some new things to teach them. Damn it! They'll sink this rig just like a boat! +Jesus Christ, we're only going nine miles. Be there in two hours, tops! Yeah, well those things are gonna be on our ass every foot of the way, right? +She's got my vote. Right. We're gonna run. Get ready. +BACK OFF, BURT...! Well, who put you two in charge? +Well, we'll ask around. Let you know if we hear of anything. Thanks. God, I hope they're not screwed up. I might have to bag the whole semester. Anyway, sorry to bother you. +Thanks. God, I hope they're not screwed up. I might have to bag the whole semester. Anyway, sorry to bother you. No problem. Nice meeting you. Hope you get it sorted out. +Jesus Christ...think it smells like that 'cause it's dead? I don't see any eyes...must be totally subterranean...and those tentacles... +I don't see any eyes...must be totally subterranean...and those tentacles... I think they shoot right outta its mouth, hook you, and pull you right in. Good thing we stopped it before it killed anybody else. +I think they shoot right outta its mouth, hook you, and pull you right in. Good thing we stopped it before it killed anybody else. Yeah, I'm lucky it didn't find me. This is important, you know. This is like, well, let's say it, it's probably the biggest zoological discovery of the century. The century? Forget it. History. +Well, at least the bastard can't climb. Pardon my French. Probably couldn't move too easily on the surface. +There's nothing like them in the fossil record, I'm sure...Okay, so they predate the fossil record... That'd make them a couple of billion years old...and we've just never seen one till now. Right. I'd vote for outer space. No way those are local boys. +I might have an idea... We're gonna have to come up with some kind of plan or it's just gonna wait us to death. +We're gonna have to come up with some kind of plan or it's just gonna wait us to death. Well, I was wondering if we could... +I'll bet you're sorry the college ever sent you up here. Well, I'm scared, but I'm not sorry. +Well, I'm scared, but I'm not sorry. You know, Val went to that college, too. For a whole year. Couldn't quite sit still for it, though. Had too much vinegar in his system. But once he settles down, forgets this cowboy stuff, he'll be one in a million. +You know, up the jeep trail. The mountains are solid granite. We'd be safe there, and we could hike along them...all the way to Bixby if we have to. +Well, we can take my truck then. No good. You need major four- wheel-drive just to get up that jeep trail. +Oh my God. Son of a bitchin' lowlife, putrid, scum... +He'll never make it! They're gonna get him! VAL, STOP! THEY'RE COMING! DON'T MOVE! +We're not going over there, right? No. We go straight. +So...now what? Could we make it to the mountains? +Where the hell are they? Hope they didn't wise up. Nope, there! That's one. +Hi, guys. Burt loaned me his camera. Howdy, Rhonda. +Howdy, Rhonda. You're really leaving, huh? +You're really leaving, huh? You bet. You gonna be staying up here? +You bet. You gonna be staying up here? Well, yeah! There's going to be major research up here. First thing is to get some pictures of that one we dug up. +You didn't cook breakfast? Did it yesterday. Franks and beans. +Did it yesterday. Franks and beans. No...it was eggs. I did eggs. +No...it was eggs. I did eggs. Hell you did. Your turn. +How many cows does it take to make a stampede? Is it like three or more? Is there a minimum speed? I was in one. A bolt of lightning blew up cottonwood tree. Three hundred head going hell-bent for the horizon. Wasn't so damn funny, I can tell you. +If there was one nearby I'd probably ask him. I keep thinking, if we were but half serious about money, we should quit being hired hands and... +I keep thinking, if we were but half serious about money, we should quit being hired hands and... Handymen, Earl. We're handymen. +Handymen, Earl. We're handymen. Whatever the hell we are, we should quit and go get ourselves some real employment. +Goddamn jeep trail gets worse every year. Has a lot of rain. +You're gonna get us hung up. Do not talk to the driver. +Uh...Digging that waterhole for Nestor. Burt and Heather's place is closer. Let's do their kitchen today. Do Nestor tomorrow. +Burt and Heather's place is closer. Let's do their kitchen today. Do Nestor tomorrow. Nestor's out of town tomorrow. We don't dig today. We don't get paid today. Damn it, Valentine, you never plan ahead. You never take the long view. Hell, here it is Monday and I'm already working on Wednesday. It is Monday, right? +Who the hell's that? That's not what's his name...the grad student? Nah, it's September. Must be the new one. +Nah, it's September. Must be the new one. The new one! That's supposed to be a girl! +You know, if you wanted, we could take a look at those seismographs for her. What the hell do we know about seismographs? +What the hell do we know about seismographs? Nothing. But it sure might be a nice way of getting to know her. +Nothing. But it sure might be a nice way of getting to know her. Why? +Why? Goddamnit, Valentine, you won't go for any gal unless she fits that damn list of yours A to Z... +Goddamnit, Valentine, you won't go for any gal unless she fits that damn list of yours A to Z... Well, sure. +Well, sure. ...And is dumber than my hind end. Like that Bobby Lynn Dexter... +Tammy Lynn Baxter. Don't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. Can't make a decision, can't walk because of their shoes, can't work because of their fingernails. Make my skin crawl! +Don't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. Can't make a decision, can't walk because of their shoes, can't work because of their fingernails. Make my skin crawl! Well, I'm a victim of circumstance. +Well, I'm a victim of circumstance. I thought you called it your pecker. Look, don't make the mistake I made. Twenty years of looking for a woman exactly like Miss October 1968, and where'd it get me? Here with you. +Catch it later, Pham. Gotta get over to Nestor's. Right. We plan ahead. That way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me. +Why don't his parents ever take him to Vegas with them? You gotta ask that? +So what if we just did it...today. Pack up. Drive straight down to Bixby. Get serious. We could. We could. But we'd have to get really serious. It's gonna cost twice as much to rent a place. +We could. We could. But we'd have to get really serious. It's gonna cost twice as much to rent a place. So? That car wash pays good, and they're always looking. +So? That car wash pays good, and they're always looking. Car wash?! That's got no future. If we're gonna take the plunge we oughta have a better plan than that. +Car wash?! That's got no future. If we're gonna take the plunge we oughta have a better plan than that. Yeah, sure. Go ahead and plan it...for a year or two. +Well, you're the one won't work in the car wash. You're the one's gotta have a plan. Damn it, Val! Not having a plan is what keeps us doing jobs like this! +What keeps us doing jobs like this is you dragging your feet. I was up for going to Bixby. I was getting excited. "In the past year I must've said a hundred times ""We gotta get out of Perfection. We gotta better ourselves."" You gonna stand there in broad daylight and tell me you think I'm the reason we're still here? You want to know how close I am to going to Bixby right now?" +"In the past year I must've said a hundred times ""We gotta get out of Perfection. We gotta better ourselves."" You gonna stand there in broad daylight and tell me you think I'm the reason we're still here? You want to know how close I am to going to Bixby right now?" I'll call that little bluff. How close? +Uh oh, it's Nancy. She wants another load of firewood. Forget it, man. It's not worth it. +She's got us. Now, listen, the plan is: we have done our last job in Perfection. That's the plan. +We did it! We faced temptation and we did not bend! Damn straight! Now there's nothing between us and Bixby but nothing! +So long, cactus! Adios, bridge! +Jeez, look at that guy. One job I'd never take is working around electricity. +One job I'd never take is working around electricity. Especially when it's two hundred feet off the ground. +You're full of shit. He's only got one damn jacket. That's him, I'm telling you. +Reckon he hated Perfection more than us? You suppose he wanted to kill himself? If he did, why didn't he use his damn shotgun? +If he did, why didn't he use his damn shotgun? Maybe he just couldn't pull the trigger... +Maybe he just couldn't pull the trigger... Oh sure, he figured it was easier to die of thirst? Come on, sombody must've chased him up there. +Oh sure, he figured it was easier to die of thirst? Come on, sombody must've chased him up there. Oh, you mean somebody who ain't scared of a twelve gauge shotgun. And then what did they do? Camp out down below and just wait for him to die? +Well, whatever the hell happened it's just one more goddamn good reason to haul ass out of this place. You got that right. +Probably up a pole starving itself to death. Okay, the plan is: pedal to the metal the whole way. We don't stop till we hit the carwash, not even to pee. +Okay, the plan is: pedal to the metal the whole way. We don't stop till we hit the carwash, not even to pee. I'll go with that plan. +Oh, Jesus!! What the hell is going on? I mean WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!! +Brother, we decided to leave this place just one day too late, you know? Well, there's sure as hell nothing to stop us now. Everybody we know between here and Bixby is already dead. +Those assholes are supposed to be fixing the goddamn road! Hey! Where are you guys? People gotta use this road, you know! You on a booze break or what?! Val! Val! +Jesus! I don't believe this! You're hung up again. +You're hung up again. I am not! +Fuck you! Hey, I don't want spend the night out here! +It must've grabbed us. That's why the truck stalled-out. Yeah! Next time I tell you I'm not hung up...! +Slick as snot and I'm not lying. Fifteen lousy bucks. +Fifteen lousy bucks. A man who plans ahead. +Pham, we don't want to be stuck on a couple of canners. They better be fast. Relax. A snake thing like that couldn't move too quick. +Relax. A snake thing like that couldn't move too quick. Screw you. For all you know they could fly. +You want the rifle or the Smith? The rifle. +That means we're gonna be out here, like, in the dark. Great. Thank you. +Car's gone. We just missed them, that's all. Then where's the goddamn Conway Twitty coming from? +Here's the plan...We don't even stop. Ride like hell. Tonight we keep right on going. We'll walk the horses. That is the plan...I mean, goddamn it! What the hell are those things? How could they bury an entire Plymouth station wagon? +That is the plan...I mean, goddamn it! What the hell are those things? How could they bury an entire Plymouth station wagon? Why would they do it? +Shut up! They got wind of something they don't like! Oh shit! +What the hell are they? Sons of bitches! +This is one big mother! So this is the guy that had your seismos working overtime? +Hey, Rhonda, you ever heard of anything like this before? Sure, Earl, everybody knows about them. We just didn't tell you. Come on, nobody's ever seen one of these! We're really in on something here! +Pham Van don't get his mitts on this for no measly fifteen bucks! You got that right! +Here's the plan: we'll get a...a flatbed, I guess, with a big winch, figure a five ton anyway. Naw, don't want to winch it. That'd tear it all up. Want to lift it. Some kind of crane with lifting straps. +We'll take your word for it. Yeah. Where's your truck? +Prairie dog burrow... Little sons of bitches. +God, the live ones smell worse tan the dead ones. Okay, now, how far's your truck? +I don't know. If this one's any faster than that other one... I think we wait right here. +Well...haven't seen a sign for hours. Maybe it's long gone. Maybe it is. Why don't you take a little stroll and see? +Maybe it is. Why don't you take a little stroll and see? Fuck you, too. Pardon my French. +Son of a bitch! Son of a goddamned bitch! Been waiting there all this time. How the hell's it even know we're still here? +Son of a goddamned bitch! Been waiting there all this time. How the hell's it even know we're still here? It's been listening to us. It's got no eyes. It sure as hell can't smell anything underground, so I figure... +You know, I hate to be crude, but I'm gonna have to take care of some business here. Me, too. +Well, folks, what's the plan? First let's see if Stumpy's still out there. +Don't he have a home to go to? Well, that's why Edgar never got down off that tower. +Run for it? Running's not a plan. Running is what you do when the plan fails. You're not even trying to come up with a plan! Well, it's not like we've got a hell of a lot of options... +You go north, I'll go south. Right. +You're right, don't matter where they come from. Right. We need to be talking about what we're gonna do. +I'm gonna kick his ass! I'm gonna help you. +Shut it up! Shut the little bastard up! Chuck him out the door! Like a little hors d'oeuvre. +How the hell long it take you to change a tire? Just about too damn long. Bolt pattern's probably wrong anyway. +Just about too damn long. Bolt pattern's probably wrong anyway. We need another plan. +Wait a minute...the Cat. Could we take the Cat? Jesus. It's slower than hell. +Jesus. It's slower than hell. Yeah, but it weighs better than thirty tons. No way they could stop it. +But...we could pull something! We could, I don't know, drag a car behind it! A car, huh? Like a big armored car? Need something bigger, tougher...our truck maybe...or, hell, that old semi trailer! +A car, huh? Like a big armored car? Need something bigger, tougher...our truck maybe...or, hell, that old semi trailer! Its tires are flat... +Its tires are flat... Doesn't matter. The cat can pull anything. +Doesn't matter. The cat can pull anything. Well...all right! We just roll on out of here! +Well...all right! We just roll on out of here! We got a plan! +I'm making the run to the Cat. Like hell you are. +Like hell you are. Get real. I'm faster than you. +Get real. I'm faster than you. I'm best at driving the Cat. +I'm best at driving the Cat. Only if something happens to me. +Watch your ass, shithead. Don't worry about me, jerkoff. +Damn it. What the hell are they doing? They're up to something. I don't care what they're doing as long as they're doing it way over there. +Come on, everybody! We gotta run for those rocks over there! Jesus, Val, it's pretty far. +Well...that's it. We're not getting off this rock... Not going to pole vault anywhere. That's for sure. +Come on, you're not going to do your lasso thing...? Hey, just 'cause you're no good with a rope... +They're...they're trying to make us move! Or just knock us over. Look, use the bomb! +Or just knock us over. Look, use the bomb! It's out last one. We can't kill them all. +Use the fucking bomb! So, we get back on that rock and in three days we're dead anyway. +So, we get back on that rock and in three days we're dead anyway. I want to live for the three days. +What the hell are you doing?!! I GOT A GODDAMN PLAN!! +Light it, man! LIGHT IT!! Not yet, not yet... +Road's in! Road's in! Now, soon as we hit Bixby we start making phone calls. We could make some real money off this whole thing, get in People magazine... +Road's in! Now, soon as we hit Bixby we start making phone calls. We could make some real money off this whole thing, get in People magazine... People? Hell, National Geographic. +People? Hell, National Geographic. Sell the movie rights. We're going straight from blue-collar to white -collar. +Sell the movie rights. We're going straight from blue-collar to white -collar. Yeah...but no ties. +Yeah...but no ties. No ties. +Christ, Val, maybe she's not your type, but you could, at least, be civil. Civil? I'm civil. +Civil? I'm civil. You're not civil, you're glum. We got the world by the tail with a downhill pull and all of a sudden you go glum on me. +Somebody paying you to do this? She just practically asked you for a date. What the hell is wrong?! +Fine, make the mistakes I did. I think I'll just be playing this hand myself. What? +What? She likes both of us. We both helped her out. +She likes both of us. We both helped her out. You are so full of shit... +You are so full of shit... Oh yeah? Think about this: She ain't as narrow-minded as you. I'll lay odds she's looking for character in a man. For my part, I'd be proud to have her. I'd goddamn worship her. +How's she doing? She wants to lay down. I'm a little worried. +Well, I brung her something I know she likes. Damn, Fred, you can't give away all those. +Damn, Fred, you can't give away all those. Forget it. I got vegetables coming out my ears. Usually the varmints eat up half my crop, but lately I ain't so much as seen a gopher or a jack-rabbit nowheres. +Forget it. I got vegetables coming out my ears. Usually the varmints eat up half my crop, but lately I ain't so much as seen a gopher or a jack-rabbit nowheres. If that ain't the truth. And I count on them for a little bit of stew meat...Thank you, Fred. +We playing cards tonight? I think I'm gonna be sitting up with her. +I think I'm gonna be sitting up with her. I'd do the same. Well, catch you Thursday. +I'd do the same. Well, catch you Thursday. You bet. +Hi, guys, what you been up to? Ran into the new college student, Rona. +Down, honey, down. Yeah, Burt. The way you worry, you're gonna have a heart attack before you get to survive World War III. +Burt! Heather! Yeah, Val. +Yeah, Val. We're in deep shit over here. Let's change that plan. +We're here, Val. Just tell us what you need. Come back. They're tearing down the houses here! We all gotta get outta here together! Now! +Val, we're going to have to forget about the truck... Yeah, Heather, we got you. +I'm dead. Let's finish in the morning. We have to go into Bixby in the morning. The concrete blocks are in. +We have to go into Bixby in the morning. The concrete blocks are in. The con...! Oh my God. +The con...! Oh my God. Just keep looking at that beautiful sky. +Just keep looking at that beautiful sky. What? +What? That's the sky that's going to be over our roof every night, when we're done. +That's the sky that's going to be over our roof every night, when we're done. Ah, but consider this, if we don't finish the roof, we can looks at that sky all the time. +Well, what's wrong with it? It's...gone...! +You sure this is where it was? Am I sure?! It was right there. There's the cord. +Come on. Get away from it! God, what a stink! +Hey Val, listen. Bearing going out, you think? Could be. +And I appreciate it. You don't get it, Pham. The idea was: we were ripping you off. +I don't believe this. The phone is out! Pham, your phone is out! I didn't do it! What's going on? +Twenty. Okay, ten dollars. +I've got a plan. You and Val take your truck, get to the mountains. Hike to Bixby. Get us some help. Those scumsuckers are my radials, Pham! +Hi, I'm Rhonda. Rhonda LeBeck. I'm up here for the semester... Yeah, geography. +Yeah, geography. Right, geology. And you have to be Val and Earl. I've heard all about you. +Listen, got a question for you. Do you know if anybody is doing any blasting or drilling or anything like that? Around here? Why would they? +Around here? Why would they? Well, I'm supposed monitor these seismographs. You know, they measure vibrations... +Well, I'm supposed monitor these seismographs. You know, they measure vibrations... Yeah, vibrations in the ground. +Yeah, vibrations in the ground. "Yeah, well, I'm getting what I refer to scientifically as ""weird vibes."" every sensor I've got is giving me strange readings. I mean, the school has had these machines up here three years and they've never recorded anything like this." +Darn it! You okay? +You okay? Yeah. But I'll tell you, if you ever wanted proof God is a man, this is it. +Think it's still following us? Let's assume that it is. +Ready? Yeah. One, two, three... +Rhonda's got an idea about that. Yes, see, they move very easily through the Pleistocene Alluvials... ...the dirt...the loose soil that makes up the valley floor. But they can't move through solid rock. I think we should travel west to the mountains. +You paying attention? This oughta hurt like hell. It does. +What's it doing? Why do you all keep asking me? +Yeah, they're confused. They can feel our vibrations, but they can't find us. They're working together, too. +What?!! Since when the hell's every goddamn thing up to us?! You guys do all the odd jobs. +Look, the situation hasn't changed. We still have to get to solid rock. There must be some way! Like what?! There's nothing left that'll make it to the mountains! +Listen, they only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we... distract them somehow? Yeah, good! Something to keep them busy. We need a decoy. +I think the ground's getting closer. I think we do it. We're gonna save our asses here! Wait! How are you going to know they're all following it? +Wait! How are you going to know they're all following it? Good point. +It worked! There they go! LET'S DO IT! +I brought it... to the coroner. An hour after you picked it up! +From Chinatown... Which is right up the street from the morgue! Where did you go with the body? What did you do with it? Please... I need to sleep... +You're fishing. You don't know shit. I know about Esparza. +...we had to lick his boots clean. He was your snitch. +He was your snitch. Our own Colombian Connection... For three years... Three years of ball breaking detective work. And we put a lotta bad guys behind bars. +Our own Colombian Connection... For three years... Three years of ball breaking detective work. And we put a lotta bad guys behind bars. And one good guy. +Demerol? What the fuck is your problem, man? You wanna die? I'm dead. We're both dead. +...Where're we goin'? That-a-boy. Hospital. +That-a-boy. Hospital. I don' need a hospital... I feel fine. +I don' need a hospital... I feel fine. Too fine, Badalato. The bad news is, you're gonna live. +The photo on the left shows the bullet that killed Jimmy Chin, true? True. +True. And the one on the right is the bullet you test-fired from Shu's gun? +And the one on the right is the bullet you test-fired from Shu's gun? Correct. +You would have the court believe that these two bullets were fired from the same gun? Absolutely. +Or this -- is this a significant difference? No it is not, Mr. Dowd. +Forensic ballistics isn't an exact science, is it? It most certainly is. +It most certainly is. Isn't there a ten to fifteen-percent margin of error? +Isn't there a ten to fifteen-percent margin of error? Absolutely not. No more than seven percent. +Absolutely not. No more than seven percent. In other words, seven times out of a hundred, you're wrong! +Ms. Vin's sister. I have to talk to your brother. +I have to talk to your brother. The hell you do. At this hour? +Gimme back my bottle. Let go of my hair. +Don't hurt him. Where's the nearest hospital? +Where's the nearest hospital? Bellevue. Straight up First -- +Objection, your Honor! The fact that the witness is currently a patient is immaterial! Sustained. +I will allow the witness to testify. With the understanding that your questions are confined to the area of Mr. Kim's modus operandi. -- With objection! +-- With objection! So noted. +Your Honor, that's not fair -- ! Complain to the Bar Commission. +Objection. Sustained. +I move that the witness's testimony be stricken. He has clearly been terrorized by the prosecution, he's -- The testimony will remain in the record. Do you wish to cross-examine? +Good morning, Mr. Dowd. Do you think you might be up to cross-examining Mr. Ortega this morning? Your Honor: I imagine that, no matter how careful my questioning, Mr. Ortega would, in his well-intentioned way, dig my client's hole even deeper. +Well then, does the defense have any witnesses? I suppose I could find an inmate who'd say that Shu boasted about Chinatown just to survive in the joint -- though he didn't really do it... +-- Then you don't wish to call any witnesses, Mr. Dowd? I would like to put Shu's alleged crime in a context, your Honor. And we do have the foremost expert on prison and street gangs right here in this room... If it please the court, I'd like to call Mr. Reynard. +You can't come back here... Anything happens to you I'm liable. I'm a lawyer. The firm is thinking about renovating. Everything dates back to the Sixties. +I'm a lawyer. The firm is thinking about renovating. Everything dates back to the Sixties. I noticed. +I noticed. Do you see a toilet here you think is really me? +Look, I'm a lawyer and -- -- I don't care who you are. You could've been killed. Every man and woman in here has done hard prison time. And we look out for each other. +-- I don't care who you are. You could've been killed. Every man and woman in here has done hard prison time. And we look out for each other. """We""?" +"""We""?" "I did five years in Attica. Lot of cons helped me in the joint. But I never got help from any lawyer... I built this business for guys like me who couldn't get a break anywhere else. ""Art's Supplies"" is for ex- cons. Not lawyers." +"""Art's Supplies"" is founded on trust, Mister --" Dowd. Eddie Dowd. +Dowd. Eddie Dowd. If you'd had the sense to ask for my help, I might've helped you. But you've probably scared Chuckie Roeder off for good, I have a whole bunch of jumpy employees to handle and you're both going to be on your way. Now. +"What, ""everything""? You shot a corpse. I don't give a shit about that -- !" Let's snuff this lowlife! +Let's snuff this lowlife! Hey -- the fact you popped Jimmy Chin in broad daylight proves it wasn't premeditated. Jury'll sympathize -- dude was banging your wife, right? +Hey -- the fact you popped Jimmy Chin in broad daylight proves it wasn't premeditated. Jury'll sympathize -- dude was banging your wife, right? Shut your sewer mouth! +Clyde, you wait here. Glenn, got a minute? I had a minute before the Mapp hearing -- but I couldn't get you on the phone, Eddie... +I had a minute before the Mapp hearing -- but I couldn't get you on the phone, Eddie... Yeah, well I had reasonable cause to believe the judge might've heard of the Fourth Amendment. +No it's not the only issue. There's another issue, for the jury. What about entrapment? What about entrapment? +"We don't prosecute people because in the abstract they might be weak. Judge Brandeis said it best: Entrapment is a ""dirty business!""" Can't I take a simple piss without -- +Haven't heard that one before, Ed. But I guess I'll be hearing it again. Not necessarily... +Come now. Did you see the gun? I can describe it. +I can describe it. Oh really? +Oh really? It was silver, with a stubby barrel... snub-nosed, I think they call it... It wasn't automatic, it had one of those... cylinders... +It was silver, with a stubby barrel... snub-nosed, I think they call it... It wasn't automatic, it had one of those... cylinders... You can't remember that -- ! +You can't remember that -- ! I can see the hammer still, it was cocked... +I can see the hammer still, it was cocked... How can you remember that? +How can you remember that? I didn't take my eyes off it! +I didn't take my eyes off it! Ah. +Not the whole time, of course. I -- No further questions. +Exactly what information led you to arrest my client just two-and-a-half hours after the shooting took place? We had a description of the suspect. +We had a description of the suspect. "A ""description""? What, Asian male 18 to 30, black hair, brown eyes?" +We had information bearing on Mr. Kim's desire to gain admission into the Joe Boys by assassinating a member of a rival gang. "Didn't this ""information"" come from the Joe Boys themselves -- did they not all but hand you Shu Kai Kim, a Korean, an outsider?" +You're implying that I planted a gun? Not at all -- +Not at all -- Kim's prints were all over it -- He admitted it was his gun, f'r godsake! +Kim's prints were all over it -- He admitted it was his gun, f'r godsake! Your Honor, the witness' response was non-responsive... I ask you to strike it from the record...! +You see that? You wanna be like that? No. No... +No. No... You fucking swear to shut up! +We have a full caseload, Rog. Right, I forgot... We're pledged to protect every mid-level drug dealer in the Tri-state area. It's an awesome responsibility. +Right, I forgot... We're pledged to protect every mid-level drug dealer in the Tri-state area. It's an awesome responsibility. I don't venerate drug dealers, Roger. To the contrary. +I don't venerate drug dealers, Roger. To the contrary. Of course. +Of course. ...through use of informants, eavesdropping, unreasonable search and seizure...! +...through use of informants, eavesdropping, unreasonable search and seizure...! Right. You're right. +Right. You're right. Damn right I'm right. +It's just... I leave behind friends, family, a coupla good job offers in Chicago and in three dizzying weeks I've helped acquit a coke dealer, a speed dealer -- I specialize, Roger... +I specialize, Roger... -- an angel dust dealer -- +-- an angel dust dealer -- I'm not a kid anymore, I can't be all over the map -- +I'm not a kid anymore, I can't be all over the map -- -- a speed manufacturer -- +-- a speed manufacturer -- So go take your job on Wall Street. +So go take your job on Wall Street. Don't tell me where to work. I moved to New York to work for Edward Dowd. But I can't believe that Edward Dowd has nothing better to do these days than invoke exalted legal issues to get off guilty little -- +Don't tell me where to work. I moved to New York to work for Edward Dowd. But I can't believe that Edward Dowd has nothing better to do these days than invoke exalted legal issues to get off guilty little -- Hey. You plan to be a criminal defense attorney, know this going in: Everybody's guilty. +Ten years is a long time. Look -- I'm tired, I'll see you in the morning, Eddie. +Where? Ossining Correctional Facility. Sing Sing. Everybody's innocent there, man... Just ask 'em... +"Kim got busted at 19 for burglary. At 20 he was convicted in the shooting death of a young Chinese gang lord... The prosecution claimed Kim did it to get into ""the Joe Boys""?" Chinatown street gang. +Chinatown street gang. Kim denied it. But he admitted the gun was his, and he got life. Seems to have been an okay prisoner for eight years, til the... incident with Duane Lindeman. +Kim denied it. But he admitted the gun was his, and he got life. Seems to have been an okay prisoner for eight years, til the... incident with Duane Lindeman. -- The Nazi he knifed? +At the trial, you said you were at your apartment that night. Alone. -- Remember? +...So what would we claim? He stabbed Duane Lindeman in self-defense? With two knives taped to his hands? Forget it, Rog. +I feel like I've been mugged... Guy scared the shit out of me. You made your point, Eddie... I'm relieved we're not taking the case. We're taking the other case. +We're taking the other case. What other case? +What other case? Eight years ago. The Chinatown hit. +Some gang punk gets wasted in front of the tourists. The mayor pressures the cops. The cops pressure the rival gang -- the Joe Boys. The Joes give up Shu Kai Kim -- the schmuck kid from Korea who's been pestering 'em to get in. You really think that's what happened? +You really think that's what happened? I don't know but it makes one hell of an opening statement. +-- Easy as that, huh? Easy? No... We have to find some piece of evidence that got buried, to reopen the sucker. +Easy? No... We have to find some piece of evidence that got buried, to reopen the sucker. ...Are you sure we want that? +When did you start working for the goddam D.A.? Eddie... I don't know about this... +Eddie... What's a DD-5? A Complaint Follow-Up form. +A Complaint Follow-Up form. "-- Listen: ""November 5, 1980. Cecil Stipe walked into 5th Precinct. Says he witnessed Chin shooting, saw suspect's picture in Post. Says Shu Kai Kim wrong man.""" +"-- Listen: ""November 5, 1980. Cecil Stipe walked into 5th Precinct. Says he witnessed Chin shooting, saw suspect's picture in Post. Says Shu Kai Kim wrong man.""" """Cecil Stipe""? Have we seen any affadavit with that name?" +That DD-5. What, the lunatic who -- +What, the lunatic who -- """Cecil Stipe."" Find it." +Do you have to do that? """Have to""? No..." +Shoulda told the one about Shu being the bastard child of Mother Theresa. Saving it for the Sunday Times. +His name is Chuckie Roeder. But something's very weird. -- You found his mugshot? +They're just frightened, fucked-up losers that prison fucked up worse. I didn't ask for a closing argument. +I didn't ask for a closing argument. There's no one else to talk to. The tattoos were phony! +There's no one else to talk to. The tattoos were phony! -- Yeah? +-- Yeah? So an upstanding member of the Aryan Warriors wouldn't paint them on. They take those teardrops seriously -- they're badges of courage, of honor. Only their most vicious killer elite get to wear them...! +So an upstanding member of the Aryan Warriors wouldn't paint them on. They take those teardrops seriously -- they're badges of courage, of honor. Only their most vicious killer elite get to wear them...! I feel much better now. +I feel much better now. Hey, Clyde Gruner sold these guys a pound of crystal meth at cost. We're Clyde's buddies, it's cool. Next exit. +Uh, Eddie? The, um, ballistics guy, George...? He called, and... His tests show that Shu's gun fired the bullet that killed Jimmy Chin. George is a fucking burnout case. I didn't want him on the stand anyway. Get more names from Billy. +A fucking wheelchair? A spinal injury, in the line of duty. It was in Kitty's report... +Eddie Dowd. Roger Baron. +Goddam it... the little punk bests me again, I get thrown down and lectured at and where the hell were you? 1530 Rivington Street. +1530 Rivington Street. -- What? +-- What? Chuckie's address. I sneaked a peek at the Rolodex. +Chuckie's address. I sneaked a peek at the Rolodex. You sneaked a peek at the Rolodex. Nice. +So what're we gonna do? ...What do you mean? +...What do you mean? Well, I mean, Roeder's gone, now... A dead end. Believe me, I'm sorry too, but... +Well, I mean, Roeder's gone, now... A dead end. Believe me, I'm sorry too, but... But what? +But what? I've heard from the last ballistics expert on the list. It's an even ten who say Shu's gun killed Jimmy Chin! +I've heard from the last ballistics expert on the list. It's an even ten who say Shu's gun killed Jimmy Chin! That's why I hate experts. +That's why I hate experts. Eddie... it's one thing to compare Clyde Gruner to Jesus Christ. It's even okay to claim that Shu Kai Kim is just slightly holier than the Pope... as long as you don't really believe it! +Eddie... it's one thing to compare Clyde Gruner to Jesus Christ. It's even okay to claim that Shu Kai Kim is just slightly holier than the Pope... as long as you don't really believe it! Hey -- you believe what you want. Shu Kai Kim is innocent. +Hey -- you believe what you want. Shu Kai Kim is innocent. -- Eddie... +-- Eddie... You know how I know? 'Cause Reynard says he's guilty, and Reynard's full of shit! Look -- +You're carrying that around like it was a picture of your girlfriend! I don't want to see your heart broken when this case crashes and burns! That's not gonna happen. I'm gonna create reasonable doubt. Buckle your seatbelt and watch me work. +But Roeder's dead. Ballistics says it's Shu! We don't have one witness -- unless we put Cecil Stipe on the stand... I'm not that desperate. +I'm not that desperate. I am. Eddie -- we've got nothing. +I am. Eddie -- we've got nothing. I've got a meeting in Chinatown. +I've got a meeting in Chinatown. Let's get a cab. +Let's get a cab. -- Roger -- ? +Eddie -- it's Art Esparza! What's Art Esparza? +What's Art Esparza? I think he hired Shu to kill Jimmy Chin... It wasn't a Chinatown gang hit -- Jimmy Chin and Art's wife were lovers! She just about told me...! +I think he hired Shu to kill Jimmy Chin... It wasn't a Chinatown gang hit -- Jimmy Chin and Art's wife were lovers! She just about told me...! You phoned up Art Esparza's wife? +You phoned up Art Esparza's wife? I followed her from the courthouse. +-- What? I've seen this picture before. +They could've been brothers. It's why the eyewitnesses picked Shu. Christ... Shu is innocent. +"""The killer wasn't Chinese""... Cecil Stipe was right. .!" Everyone else was wrong and the one fucking lunatic was right! +...Jesus! Least we'd already be at the Morgue. +How long did it take Badalato to drive Jimmy Chin's body from Chinatown to the morgue? ... An hour. That's why I thought the morgue was on the other side of town. +You're the police expert in Chinatown gangs? ...For ten years, now. +...For ten years, now. Do you speak Cantonese, Mandarin, or both? +Do you speak Cantonese, Mandarin, or both? -- Me? Neither. +Pardon... Which dialect do you speak? Neither. +They're Chinamen who speak English. We call them informants. And I call your testimony hearsay. I have no more questions for you. +Murder witness. You're doing a murder case? +You're doing a murder case? It hasn't been that long. +Stipe was just one of four eyewitnesses who came forward, Kitty. Y'oughta start looking for the others... Eddie, I'm not working on this case. You boys have fun. +Lemme guess. Some corporate V.P.'s banging his secretary over lunch and you have to focus your camera and plug in your little tape recorder. Beats getting paid in twenties by slimedogs selling angel dust to high school seniors. +Beats getting paid in twenties by slimedogs selling angel dust to high school seniors. Kitty, where exactly do you place the microphone to catch the most incriminating moans? +Just which Constitutional amendment protects our right to peddle PCP? Forget it. You've blown your chance to participate in this case, Kitty. +Forget it. You've blown your chance to participate in this case, Kitty. I'm kicking myself, Eddie... Right out of here. +Start looking into the Joe Boys -- who assigned the hits in 1980, what rank generally did the hits... Your extensive law enforcement contacts should be of some use. I was never politically correct enough for Comrade Dowd. +I embellished. """Dowd also reports that his team of private investigators...""?" +"""Dowd also reports that his team of private investigators...""?" I embroidered. +I embroidered. """...are close to naming the man they believe actually killed Jimmy Chin""?" +"""...are close to naming the man they believe actually killed Jimmy Chin""?" I lied. +So there goes your theory about the Joes giving up Shu to protect their trigger man. But I like that theory. And since I'm not putting Twerp Professor on the stand, and since I don't have a better theory, I'm sticking with that theory. Meantime I want pictures of the Joes. What'll you bet there was a guy in the gang looked enough like Shu to fool the eyewitnesses! +I've phoned every art supply retailer and wholesaler in the Tri-state area. No one's heard of Chuckie Roeder. Have you considered that Chuckie Roeder's not calling himself Chuckie Roeder these days? Get his mugshot from one of the many law officers who've got hotpants for you... then canvass those art supplies places. We're gonna win this one, Kitty, but ya gotta believe... +A fucking wheelchair? I didn't put him in a wheelchair. Reynard did. He can get around without one -- it's all in my report. +I didn't put him in a wheelchair. Reynard did. He can get around without one -- it's all in my report. I don't have time to read every word in every report, I'm too busy getting killed in court... Meantime my crackerjack investigator can't find the goddam art supplies store where Chuckie-fucking-Roeder works! +-- Find him? Eddie, these things take time. Particularly at this hour... +The Joe Boys in 1980...! A number of them are dead, three are in prison, one's a waiter... Two -- you'll enjoy this -- two are actually members of the Chamber of Commerce. +I haven't thanked you for your work, Kitty. You're doing good work. I'm a professional, Eddie. Getting paid is all the thanks I require. +I'm a professional, Eddie. Getting paid is all the thanks I require. I haven't paid you. +I haven't paid you. Right. +Got any booze in the house? "You don't drink ""booze""." +"You don't drink ""booze""." You do. +You do. Eddie, if I wanted to make love with you again, I'd do it sober. +Eddie this is silly... are we supposed to pretend nothing's happened in the last ten years and -- Nothing has. But that's all changing. +Eddie... A guilty client's not the end of the world... EXACTLY! +Eddie... go home. Get some sleep. I don't need sleep! +I don't need sleep! I need sleep. Some of us are mere mortals. +I need sleep. Some of us are mere mortals. Screw you too, Kitty. +My mother find you? That's right. +That's right. Figures. +Figures. Want to tell me what went down here? +Want to tell me what went down here? Racist asshole came at me. +Racist asshole came at me. Exactly what happened then? +Exactly what happened then? I killed the motherfucker. +I killed the motherfucker. ...Okay... +An Aryan Warrior with black teardrops painted on his face. """Painted""?" +But why would a guy would do that? Paint black teardrops on his face? I guess he... wanted you to think he was... somebody he wasn't. +I guess he... wanted you to think he was... somebody he wasn't. But why? +But why? Maybe... because someone's afraid. +Maybe... because someone's afraid. Afraid of what? +Afraid of what? I don't know. The truth, maybe. +I don't know. The truth, maybe. -- About what? +-- About what? About Chinatown. What went down. +About Chinatown. What went down. What went down? +What went down? You tell me, man. +You tell me, man. No. You tell me, Shu. +No. You tell me, Shu. How can I tell you what I don't know! +How can I tell you what I don't know! You can't. So tell me what you do know -- say it! +You can't. So tell me what you do know -- say it! I don't know shit, man! Goddammit -- +I don't know shit, man! Goddammit -- Well I know that you're innocent, Shu -- even if you forgot. +No. """No,"" what?" +...I'm dying out there. It's okay, Eddie. +Quite a bit you didn't tell me. When I joined up I took an oath of secrecy. I told you what you needed to know. +I didn't need to know that a man I'm defending on a gang-murder rap is a prison soldier who kills over drugs? It was self-defense. +It was self-defense. Jimmy Chin? Was that self-defense too? +-- How could I help you? By trusting me. Shit, man... +When you leave this place you're going out to dinner or a movie or get laid. Where's our bond? I'm going back to my cell and wait to die. So tell me: Where's our bond? For awhile we had this dream we were innocent. That was our bond... but then we woke up. And now I'd like to hear everything. +'lo, Cecil. See-cil. +See-cil. See-cil. I'm Eddie Dowd, this is Roger Baron. We're lawyers. +Oh come on, Cecil. Hey, Chinese people have this energy field that vibrates at a particular frequency. +I did two tours in 'Nam... Good. Now we're going to take an affadavit from you, but only concerning the facts of the Chinatown shooting. We honestly don't give a shit about the Kennedy assassination. +Are you willing to testify that the man you saw shoot Jimmy Chin was not the man the cops arrested? They g-got the wrong g-guy. +They g-got the wrong g-guy. When the D.A. hears I filed the writ, he'll send someone here, maybe claiming to be a journalist. That person will ask you lots of questions. Just be truthful, Cecil, okay? To all of us? +When the D.A. hears I filed the writ, he'll send someone here, maybe claiming to be a journalist. That person will ask you lots of questions. Just be truthful, Cecil, okay? To all of us? I always t-tell the truth. That's why I'm here. +...You told the Desk Sergeant you were certain Mr. Kim wasn't the killer? You left your telephone number? Y-yes, sir. +Y-yes, sir. Did the police make any attempt to phone you, to follow up? +Did the police make any attempt to phone you, to follow up? No, s-sir. +No, s-sir. Thank you, Mr. Stipe. +I'd l-like to answer the question. Mr. Rabin has no right to -- +Edward T. Dowd. Don Reynard. +Of course you know Dean Rabin, one of my Assistant D.A.s. Dean generally handles nuisance cases like the... what's the man's name? Shu Kai Kim. +Shu Kai Kim. You won't remember this, but in '72 I was one of several prosecutors assigned to the Black Panther-Police Shootout. We had a whole team, and you walked into court by yourself and kicked our collective butt. So what've you been up to since then? +You won't remember this, but in '72 I was one of several prosecutors assigned to the Black Panther-Police Shootout. We had a whole team, and you walked into court by yourself and kicked our collective butt. So what've you been up to since then? This and that. +This and that. My staff tells me it's been mostly drug pushers... I said that can't be the same Edward Dowd. +My staff tells me it's been mostly drug pushers... I said that can't be the same Edward Dowd. It's in the area of narcotics, Mr. Reynard, that the government tramples on the Fourth Amendment. +It's in the area of narcotics, Mr. Reynard, that the government tramples on the Fourth Amendment. Let's not drag the Constitution into this. +I'm sorry if I've ruined your day, Mr. Reynard. But my client's had a rough eight years behind bars and -- Your client is guilty. Don't dick around with me. +"Back in the Seventies I spent years putting away gangsters in a Colombian syndicate called ""the Ochoa"". These guys are very dangerous, Ed. When I hear that a small-time dope lawyer is conniving to spring one of these guys, I see red." I'd have that checked, Mr. Reynard. +Now maybe you got this case reopened because you see yourself as a thorn in society's side, or you want to walk into any restaurant in Chinatown and get free dumplings... Are you implying that my motives are less than sincere? +Are you implying that my motives are less than sincere? Yes, but that's not the issue. What's on your wish list, Ed? Pleading Kim out to first degree man on both homicides, with an agreed sentence of 15 to life running concurrent? Come on... What're you looking for here? +Yes, but that's not the issue. What's on your wish list, Ed? Pleading Kim out to first degree man on both homicides, with an agreed sentence of 15 to life running concurrent? Come on... What're you looking for here? What am I looking for? You're the one talking deal. +What am I looking for? You're the one talking deal. Friday's the drop-dead date on the offer. +Friday's the drop-dead date on the offer. Please don't bullshit me, Mr. Reynard. You've got witness problems, you've got proof problems... +Please don't bullshit me, Mr. Reynard. You've got witness problems, you've got proof problems... You're my only problem, Ed. What does it take to make you go away? +I see: He'd walk out next month. That's right. +That's right. We reconvict, your man's looking at 25 years on two counts, served consecutively. So what I'd like to ask, Ed, is: Are you joking? +We reconvict, your man's looking at 25 years on two counts, served consecutively. So what I'd like to ask, Ed, is: Are you joking? I never joke about waiving a client's Sixth Amendment right to trial. +I never joke about waiving a client's Sixth Amendment right to trial. You're pissing me off again, Ed. +You're pissing me off again, Ed. You know you're very tense, Mr. Reynard. Y'oughta take a week off, fly the wife and kids to Oahu. +But now you've strayed from your area of expertise -- dope -- into street assassins. A subject on which you're dangerously ignorant. But I'm a quick study. Tell your Deputy D.A. -- Rabin? -- that I'll see him in court. +But I'm a quick study. Tell your Deputy D.A. -- Rabin? -- that I'll see him in court. No, Mr. Dowd, you'll see me in court. I'm prosecuting this case. +I'll prosecute anyone who fucks up. If that makes me look racist, it's a trade-off I'll live with, Ed. That's big of you, Bob. +"Isn't it a fact that the ""six other Asian men"" in the line-up were all of the classic Mongoloid type, whereas Shu has the distinct facial bone structure of a Korean?" Objection. The witness is not an expert in racial classification. +Objection. The witness is not an expert in racial classification. Isn't it a standard trick to pack a line-up with men who resemble each other but look different than the suspect, so the suspect will stand out for the eyewitnesses? +Isn't it a standard trick to pack a line-up with men who resemble each other but look different than the suspect, so the suspect will stand out for the eyewitnesses? Argumentative. +Isn't it unusual for a man who's just committed a murder in plain sight to bring the weapon back to his apartment? Calls for speculation. +You don't speak any Chinese dialects? Then you get your intelligence from snitches? Badgering. +To the best of your recollection, were you sober when you performed the tests? Objection. +Your Honor, that's trial by ambush! We just discovered him, your Honor! His appearance is critical to a fair presentation of our case! He is an inmate at Ossining Correctional and -- +We just discovered him, your Honor! His appearance is critical to a fair presentation of our case! He is an inmate at Ossining Correctional and -- -- Objection, your Honor! This case has no connection with any subsequent act my client may be charged with! +-- Objection, your Honor! This case has no connection with any subsequent act my client may be charged with! The witness will substantiate Mr. Kim's modus operandi. It's circumstantial evidence in the case at hand! +The witness is recalcitrant, your Honor -- I had to personally make a body attachment this morning -- it took two Marshalls to drag him here! The great personal sacrifices endured by Mr. Reynard have no bearing on the legal issues, your Honor -- ! +The great personal sacrifices endured by Mr. Reynard have no bearing on the legal issues, your Honor -- ! Your Honor, I know as much about these gangs as anyone; I'm well aware of the secrecy in which their machinations are cloaked... I assure you this witness offers the court a rare opportunity to place the defendant's crime -- +Your Honor, I know as much about these gangs as anyone; I'm well aware of the secrecy in which their machinations are cloaked... I assure you this witness offers the court a rare opportunity to place the defendant's crime -- -- alleged crime -- +-- alleged crime -- -- in a context. +-- Can't Mr. Dowd find his own expert witness, your Honor? I'd need a continuance. Three weeks at least. +Yes, Mr. Dowd. Didn't this investigation, with its attendant publicity, catapult you into the office you now hold? +Didn't this investigation, with its attendant publicity, catapult you into the office you now hold? "If I were sitting where I normally sit, I would say ""Calls for speculation.""" +Did you do any hands-on work or did you just supervise, from on high? Mr. Dowd, I was personally involved with all phases -- and principals -- of the investigation. +Mr. Dowd, I was personally involved with all phases -- and principals -- of the investigation. And who were the detectives who assisted you, Mr. Reynard? +Lou Sklaroff, Vin Badalato, Dave Montell. The same three detectives on the Jimmy Chin case. +In those days, they often worked as a team. And who was Arturo Esparza? +I don't think I know that name. -- But you just said you were personally involved with all the principals of the investigation. +-- But you just said you were personally involved with all the principals of the investigation. I can't be expected to remember the name of every informant eight years after the fact. +I can't be expected to remember the name of every informant eight years after the fact. I didn't say he was an informant. But since you mentioned it, wasn't Esparza your primary informant? +I didn't say he was an informant. But since you mentioned it, wasn't Esparza your primary informant? You're trespassing into the area of witness protection, Mr. Dowd. Such showboating puts lives at risk. +Isn't it true that without Esparza, you had no investigation? I think you're a dangerous man, Mr. Dowd. +I think you're a dangerous man, Mr. Dowd. I hope so, Mr. Reynard. +No. No? Then what did he say? +You read Eddie's Chase Manhattan Bombing summation in the Leftist Law anthology? -- Eddie told you? +My skip-trace turned up two Cecil Stipes. One's in Butte, Montana. Other's at Riverhead Veterans Psychiatric. I'll take odds on Cecil Number Two. +I'll take odds on Cecil Number Two. So what'd this guy do? Snitch off a dealer? +You getting this? -- Every word. +-- Every word. But they've still got Laura Gordon -- and she was the closest, about 20 feet from the killer. +It's okay. It was always like that. Shouldn't one of us...? +Shouldn't one of us...? No -- leave him be. It's better for everyone. +What do you want? I'm Roger Baron. I work with Edward Dowd. +What were you... Why were you at Shu's trial this afternoon? -- What trial? +I followed you here from court. I knew Jimmy Chin. The boy who was shot. Okay? +I knew Jimmy Chin. The boy who was shot. Okay? ...And you were at the trial to... to see that justice was done? +...And you were at the trial to... to see that justice was done? That's right. +Then it was your idea to have Chuckie Roeder scare Eddie off the case? -- Why don't you ask Chuckie? +-- Why don't you ask Chuckie? Chuckie OD'd, Mrs. Esparza. He's dead. +Look. Mister -- -- Roger -- +-- Roger -- You mustn't talk to Art. You mustn't tell Art that I was at the trial. Do you hear me? +Mr. Ortega, you've known the defendant at Ossining Correctional for how long? I would tend to plead the Fifth. +Five years. "Mr. Ortega... What is ""La Compania""?" +"Mr. Ortega... What is ""La Compania""?" A Cubano army, basically... inside and outside prisons. +A Cubano army, basically... inside and outside prisons. And its purpose? +And its purpose? Fighting the Aryan Warriors and the Black Guerrillas, basically. +Fighting the Aryan Warriors and the Black Guerrillas, basically. For control of the prison drug trade? +For control of the prison drug trade? I would tend to plead the Fifth. +Do the rival gangs compete for control of the prison drug trade? Yeah, we do some of that. +Yeah, we do some of that. What is your rank within La Compania? +"""Name, rank and serial,"" Mr. Ortega. Let's not hide behind the Fifth." I'm a soldado in the G-Wing Regiment. +I'm a soldado in the G-Wing Regiment. And what does a soldado -- a soldier -- do? +And what does a soldado -- a soldier -- do? A soldado, he runs messages and materiel between the regiments... +A soldado, he runs messages and materiel between the regiments... """Materiel""? What do you mean by that?" +"""Materiel""? What do you mean by that?" Cigarettes, candy bars... PCP, crack... +Cigarettes, candy bars... PCP, crack... If a member of the Aryan Brothers tries to cut in on your distribution? +If a member of the Aryan Brothers tries to cut in on your distribution? ...A soldado, he takes care of it. +...A soldado, he takes care of it. "By ""takes care of,"" you mean ""kills""." +"By ""takes care of,"" you mean ""kills""." That's right. +Mr. Ortega, what is Shu Kai Kim's rank within La Compania? Soldado. +Soldado. Isn't it unusual for an Asian to be accepted into a Cuban prison gang? +Isn't it unusual for an Asian to be accepted into a Cuban prison gang? Shu's the only one I know of... +Shu's the only one I know of... And why was an exception made? +And why was an exception made? Chinatown. Sounded pretty cold... +Chinatown. Sounded pretty cold... You mean to say Mr. Kim told you that he murdered Jimmy Chin? +You're a l-lawyer? I... I haven't had my meds, or m-my vital signs t-taken yet. I... Mr. Stipe. A young man named Jimmy Chin was shot to death eight years ago, in Chinatown. Do you remember talking to the police? +Mr. Stipe. A young man named Jimmy Chin was shot to death eight years ago, in Chinatown. Do you remember talking to the police? That guy they arrested -- he was the wrong g-guy. +I think what Eddie wants to say is -- No! They g-got the wrong guy! I saw it! The killer wasn't Chinese. +CIA? Telephone. I suppose you don't know the phone company killed Kennedy because he was trying to b-break it up -- and they'll never let that happen. They control everything: what you say in the mouthpiece is never exactly what comes out the other end, and -- +Telephone. I suppose you don't know the phone company killed Kennedy because he was trying to b-break it up -- and they'll never let that happen. They control everything: what you say in the mouthpiece is never exactly what comes out the other end, and -- The phone company was broken up. +The phone company was broken up. And you b-believe that. +Cooper, the ooze of mumbo jumbo is rising up above our heads. Do you honestly think Cole's practice of word association works? The very fact that we are talking about word association means we are in a space that was opened up by our practice of word association. The world is a hologram, Albert. +The very fact that we are talking about word association means we are in a space that was opened up by our practice of word association. The world is a hologram, Albert. Yes, it's a great big psychedelic circus ride, isn't it, Cooper? +Yes, it's a great big psychedelic circus ride, isn't it, Cooper? Albert. +Albert. "You said, ""Teresa Banks"", so you think something is going on somewhere in the world right now that is connected with her murder?" +"You said, ""Teresa Banks"", so you think something is going on somewhere in the world right now that is connected with her murder?" Yes. Either right now or right when I thought of it. The name and memory of Teresa Banks is haunting me. Lately I have been filled with a knowingness that the murderer will strike again. Because it is only a feeling, I am powerless to stop it. And another thing, Albert, when the next murder happens you will help me solve it. +Yes. Either right now or right when I thought of it. The name and memory of Teresa Banks is haunting me. Lately I have been filled with a knowingness that the murderer will strike again. Because it is only a feeling, I am powerless to stop it. And another thing, Albert, when the next murder happens you will help me solve it. Let's test it for the record. Will the next victim be a man or a woman? +Let's test it for the record. Will the next victim be a man or a woman? A woman. +A woman. What color hair will she have? +What color hair will she have? Blonde. +Blonde. Tell me some other things about her. +Tell me some other things about her. She's in high school. She's sexually active. She's on drugs. She's crying out for some help. +She's in high school. She's sexually active. She's on drugs. She's crying out for some help. You're describing half the high school girls in America. What is she doing right now? +You're describing half the high school girls in America. What is she doing right now? She is preparing a great abundance of food. +No... No, go away. I'm glad you let me talk to you. You used to not let me talk to you. +I'm glad you let me talk to you. You used to not let me talk to you. Go away. I am not talking to you. +Go away. I am not talking to you. I want you. +SEE WHAT WE CAN DO TO DONNA? NO! GOD, NO... +That's not important. I will tell you what is important. The fan will soon be starting. Who are you? Who are you REALLY? +Who are you? Who are you REALLY? I am the One who wants to breathe thru your nose and taste thru your mouth. +No. I want you to kill for me. +I want you to kill for me. No. Never. You'll have to kill me. +No. Never. You'll have to kill me. I want you to kill for me. +Where were you for the last hour? I've been lookin' for you? I was right behind you, but you're too dumb to turn around. If he turned around he might get dizzy and fall down. +I'M NOT KIDDIN'. WHERE WERE YOU? WHO WERE YOU WITH? Get lost Bobby. +Get lost Bobby. Oh, yeah? You'll be callin' soon and maybe I'm not gonna be there. +Oh, yeah? You'll be callin' soon and maybe I'm not gonna be there. Oh, come on, sweetie, give me one of your smiles. +I'm nearly out. It's taken care of, babe. You and I are going to make a big score tonight. This will tide you over. +It's taken care of, babe. You and I are going to make a big score tonight. This will tide you over. Thank you, Bobby. A big score? +Thank you, Bobby. A big score? Maybe our biggest. I'll see you two doors down from your place at 11:00. +Maybe our biggest. I'll see you two doors down from your place at 11:00. Don't be late. +Here he comes. Here he comes. +This isn't Mike. Is this Mike? Bobby... ssshhhh... you killed Mike. +Babe, I'm on my way out to the woods to divvy up the product. Put this cash in your safety deposit box... It's ten thousand dollars. You killed Mike. +Bad news, kid, it was baby laxative. What was? +What was? The stuff we got last night. +The stuff we got last night. Baby laxative? We can't snort baby laxative. +Baby laxative? We can't snort baby laxative. No shit... We killed a guy for baby laxative. +No shit... We killed a guy for baby laxative. What is the world coming to when you kill a guy for baby laxative? +What is the world coming to when you kill a guy for baby laxative? Don't get funny with me again. +Don't get funny with me again. I'm not... Bobby I'm gonna need some more stuff. I mean it. I'm out. +I'm not... Bobby I'm gonna need some more stuff. I mean it. I'm out. Yeah, and I'm gonna need that ten thousand dollars back. +Yeah, and I'm gonna need that ten thousand dollars back. Sure, but I can't get it till after school tomorrow. +Sure, but I can't get it till after school tomorrow. Let's ditch this place and party. +Let's ditch this place and party. Not tonight. Just give me something to take home to hold me over till tomorrow. +Not tonight. Just give me something to take home to hold me over till tomorrow. Why? Why not? Where are you goin'? +We can do it right here. Bobby... +Bobby's got it. Thanks, Bobby. And my little round friends, too. +I'm here to investigate the murder of Teresa Banks. "Well, little fella, we don't need any outside help here. I don't like you people sniffin' around my neck of the woods. In fact, when the state boys called me about a ""J. Edgar"" coming up I think I said, ""So what?""" +"Well, little fella, we don't need any outside help here. I don't like you people sniffin' around my neck of the woods. In fact, when the state boys called me about a ""J. Edgar"" coming up I think I said, ""So what?""" Your behavior is not funny and is wasting the time of the Federal Government. +Your behavior is not funny and is wasting the time of the Federal Government. You're lucky I am not wasting you. +You're lucky I am not wasting you. "Well, little fella, let me put it this way. The operative word here would be ""Federal"". With or without the semantics of all this, I am now ordering you to release all pertinent information concerning Teresa Banks, both while living and deceased." +A basic kill. Banks was a drifter and nobody knew her. My boys have been all over this. It's a dead end. That's why we're here, Sheriff Cable. Where's the body? +That's why we're here, Sheriff Cable. Where's the body? Out back in our morgue. +It's 4:30. We close at five. We've got our own clock. We'll lock up. +What the hell is that thing doing out there? You're not taking that body anywhere. We're taking the body back to Portland and there's not a thing you can do about it. +We're taking the body back to Portland and there's not a thing you can do about it. Maybe not a thing, but maybe two things. +Maybe not a thing, but maybe two things. Teresa Banks had a ring. Any idea what happened to it? +Teresa Banks had a ring. Any idea what happened to it? We got a phone, here, that's got a little ring. +We got a phone, here, that's got a little ring. Sam, get the body and put it in the van. Sheriff Cable, where were you the night Teresa Banks was murdered? +Sam, get the body and put it in the van. Sheriff Cable, where were you the night Teresa Banks was murdered? My alibi is as strong as these bands of steel. +GOD. I'm beginning to lose faith in the United States Government and that includes the telephone system. Don't you folks talk to one another. That's her trailer there and I haven't touched a god damn thing. Agent Chet Desmond come by a second time and asked too see Deputy Cliff Howard's trailer ...which I showed him. I went back to my trailer... After that I never saw him again. Thank you, Carl. +That's not the way to Cliff's trailer. I told you. I am not going to Cliff's trailer. +I am not going to Cliff's trailer. Well, where are you going? +Well, where are you going? I am going over here. +I am going over here. God damn, you people are confusing. +What was here, Mr. Rodd? A trailer was here. What the hell do you think? +A trailer was here. What the hell do you think? Can you tell me who's trailer it was... and who stayed in the trailer? +Can you tell me who's trailer it was... and who stayed in the trailer? An old woman and her grandson. +An old woman and her grandson. Can you tell me what their names were? +Can you tell me what their names were? Chalfont. Weird. Chalfont was the name of the folks that rented the space before they did. Two Chalfonts. +Is that Agent Desmond's vehicle? Yep, it sure is. +Federal Bureau of Investigation, Special Agent Chet Desmond and Agent Sam Stanley. Sorry to disturb you, but we would like to see Teresa Banks' trailer, please. More popular than Uncle's Day at a whorehouse. GOD DAMN, THAT MORNING SUN IS BRIGHT! BLUE BRIGHT. +Mrs. Simmons owns the trailer and she lives in town. Teresa rented it about a month ago. Did she have someone with her? +Did she have someone with her? Right. She had a friend with her. The friend took off. +Right. She had a friend with her. The friend took off. Was there an argument? +Was there an argument? Not that I know of. But arguments do happen, don't they? +Not that I know of. But arguments do happen, don't they? Yes they do. Did she have visitors? +Yes they do. Did she have visitors? "No, hey, I already told this whole damn thing to Sheriff ""Not-Quite- Able""... Here's the trailer now." +You weren't kiddin'. This stuff's got the sting of the forty-eight hour blend. That's right. That's the best coffee you're gonna get around here. +Is there a golf course around here? Not a lot around here, no. Got some clubs, but not very many fellas with balls. +Thanks for your help, Carl. Sorry we woke you up. That's alright. I was having a bad dream. I was dreamin' about a joke with no punchline. +Okay, that's it. I've had enough of the waiting room now. Oh. +What are you doing here in the trailer court, Deputy? Maybe I just live here, what do you think about that? +Maybe I just live here, what do you think about that? Can I ask you where you were the night Teresa Banks was murdered? +Can I ask you where you were the night Teresa Banks was murdered? You can tell J. Edgar that I was at a party and I got fifteen fuckin' witnesses. +Did you know Teresa Banks? Got a couple of cups of coffee at Hap's from her. That's it. By the way where do you get off questioning a lawman? I could ask you the same question. +Got a couple of cups of coffee at Hap's from her. That's it. By the way where do you get off questioning a lawman? I could ask you the same question. No you couldn't. +You try that you little monkey. I think I'll take off my badge as well. +Yes... CHET, I AM CALLING YOU FROM PORTLAND... OREGON. +CHET, I AM CALLING YOU FROM PORTLAND... OREGON. OK, Gordon. +OK, Gordon. NO, IT'S OREGON, PORTLAND, OREGON. IT'S REGIONAL BUREAU CHIEF COLE. OUT IN PORTLAND OREGON. I NEED YOU OUT HERE, CHET. +NO, IT'S OREGON, PORTLAND, OREGON. IT'S REGIONAL BUREAU CHIEF COLE. OUT IN PORTLAND OREGON. I NEED YOU OUT HERE, CHET. OK, Gordon. +OK, Gordon. OREGON. A YOUNG GIRL HAS BEEN MURDERED. SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. NAMED TERESA BANKS. +OREGON. A YOUNG GIRL HAS BEEN MURDERED. SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. NAMED TERESA BANKS. Okay, Gordon!!! +GOT A MAP OF THE ENVIRONS OF THE YAKIMA INDIAN RESERVATION WITH YOUR NAME ON IT. BETTER BRING A POLE. Smell something fishy, huh? +Smell something fishy, huh? I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU, CHET. SOMETHING INTERESTING THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU. ARRANGEMENTS ARE BEING MADE AND I WILL MEET YOU AT THE PORTLAND, AIRPORT. +Congratulations. I heard about that. YOUR SURPRISE, CHET. HER NAME IS LIL. +GOOD LUCK, CHET. SAM, YOU STICK WITH CHET, HE'S GOT HIS OWN M.O. MODUS OPERANDI. YOU CAN REACH ME AT THE PHILADELPHIA OFFICES. I AM FLYING OUT TODAY. Right, Gordon. We'll be in touch. +What is it, Gordon? COOP, AGENT CHET DESMOND HAS DISAPPEARED. GONE LIKE THE WIND IN DEER MEADOW. +Phillip? COOPER, MEET THE LONG LOST PHILLIP JEFFRIES. YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF HIM AT THE ACADEMY. +HE'S GONE. What? +What? ALBERT, COME BACK HERE. HE'S GONE CALL THE FRONT DESK. +QUICKLY MEN... WORD ASSOCIATION, COOP. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW? Teresa Banks. +Teresa Banks. ALBERT? +It was a year ago today that Teresa Banks was killed. I'm wondering if the murderer will ever kill again. ALBERT, WHY TYLENOL? +Agent Chet said he wanted to check the trailer court one more time. He had me drive the van with the body back here. Which we did. It was 105 miles. Anything else? +Anything else? Did Gordon show you a woman named Lil? +Did Gordon show you a woman named Lil? I'm up to speed, Stanley. +I'm up to speed, Stanley. Agent Chet wouldn't tell me what the Blue Rose meant. +Agent Chet wouldn't tell me what the Blue Rose meant. And neither will I. +And neither will I. Oh, alright. You know, I liked Agent Desmond. He had his own M.O. +I cracked the Whiteman case with this. Stanley, I heard all about it. +Stanley, I heard all about it. No one could've found those splinters without a machine like this and no one has a machine like this. +No one could've found those splinters without a machine like this and no one has a machine like this. Tell me about the letter. +Tell me about the letter. Take a look at this. Chet and I found it under Teresa Banks' ring fingernail. +And no one found the ring? No, sir, we did not. +Where is the ring? Someone else has it now. +Someone else has it now. That would indicate that it's the future. +That would indicate that it's the future. The later events have never been kept a secret. +The later events have never been kept a secret. Where am I? And how can I leave? +Where am I? And how can I leave? You are here and there is no place to go... +Had the FBI here once before. Back in the fifties when Hap was running the place. Where's Hap? +Where's Hap? He's dead -- good and dead. +He's dead -- good and dead. Sorry to hear it. +Sorry to hear it. He didn't suffer. +He didn't suffer. I'd like to ask you a few questions about Teresa Banks +I'd like to ask you a few questions about Teresa Banks Sheriff Cable's already asked me a few questions about Teresa Banks. She worked nights for a month. That's it. +Sheriff Cable's already asked me a few questions about Teresa Banks. She worked nights for a month. That's it. Any friends? +Any friends? No. +No. Ever see her with someone else? +Ever see her with someone else? No. +No. Did she ever mention any friends? +Did she ever mention any friends? No. Ask Irene over there. +Take a good look around. There's nobody in this place -- you're meetin' the reason why. What'll it be? How come Jack let's you work here? +How come Jack let's you work here? Jack and I are united in holy matrimony. +Jack and I are united in holy matrimony. Say no more. +Federal Bureau of Investigation, Special Agent Chet Desmond. I'd like to ask you a few questions about Teresa Banks. Jack said you knew her. How well? She only worked here a month. Nice girl. Never seemed to get here on time though. Ask me she had a little problem with -- +Came looking for a job with a friend of hers. Pretty girl. Could've been her sister. What happened to her? +What happened to her? There was only one job. Teresa took the job. Her friend took a hike. Never saw her again. +There was only one job. Teresa took the job. Her friend took a hike. Never saw her again. Did you ever see Teresa take cocaine? +Did you ever see Teresa take cocaine? No. +No. Do you take cocaine, Irene? +Do you take cocaine, Irene? No, I do not. I never took cocaine or any other drugs. I don't take drugs. +He's with me. Anything you would like to tell us about Teresa Banks that would help us out? "I've thought about that. I think her death is what you would call a ""freak accident""." +"I've thought about that. I think her death is what you would call a ""freak accident""." Thanks. +You know, I never told anybody, but once for about three days, just before her time, Teresa's arm went completely dead. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Her left arm. It was numb. She said she couldn't use it. Said it had no feeling. Probably from the drugs she was taking. I just thought I ought to tell you. +Her left arm. It was numb. She said she couldn't use it. Said it had no feeling. Probably from the drugs she was taking. I just thought I ought to tell you. Thanks. +That was really something. That dancing girl. What did it mean? Code. If you work with Gordon you learn that right away. +Code. If you work with Gordon you learn that right away. Code, I've heard a lot about this. +Sort of shorthand. Shorthand. Really? +Shorthand. Really? We're heading into a difficult situation. +We're heading into a difficult situation. How do you figure? +How do you figure? I'll explain it to you. Do you remember Lil's dance? +Lil was wearing a sour face. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Her face had a sour look... that means we're going to have trouble with the local authorities. They are not going to be receptive to the FBI. +Oh, the uncle is missing. Not Cole's Uncle but probably the sheriff's uncle in federal prison. +Not Cole's Uncle but probably the sheriff's uncle in federal prison. So the sheriff had got an Uncle who's committed a serious crime. +So the sheriff had got an Uncle who's committed a serious crime. Right, which is probably why Lil was wearing a red wig meaning we are headed into a dangerous situation. Let me ask you something, Stanley, did you notice anything about the dress? +Right, which is probably why Lil was wearing a red wig meaning we are headed into a dangerous situation. Let me ask you something, Stanley, did you notice anything about the dress? The dress she was wearing had been altered to fit her. I noticed a different colored thread where the dress had been taken in. It wasn't her dress or she must have lost some weight. +The dress she was wearing had been altered to fit her. I noticed a different colored thread where the dress had been taken in. It wasn't her dress or she must have lost some weight. Gordon said you were good. The tailored dress is our code for drugs. Did you notice what was pinned to it? +Gordon said you were good. The tailored dress is our code for drugs. Did you notice what was pinned to it? A blue rose. +A blue rose. Very good, but I can't tell you about that. +What did Gordon's tie mean? What? That's just Gordon's bad taste. +What? That's just Gordon's bad taste. Why couldn't he have just told you all these things? +Why couldn't he have just told you all these things? He talks loud. And he loves his code. +He talks loud. And he loves his code. I see. He does talk loud. +I see. He does talk loud. Gordon would not have sent us to Deer Meadow without thinking it was a high priority situation. +Gordon would not have sent us to Deer Meadow without thinking it was a high priority situation. It must be a high priority situation. +Solved the Whiteman Case with this. That's what I heard. +That's what I heard. No one could find those splinters without a machine like this. And no one had a machine like this. +No one could find those splinters without a machine like this. And no one had a machine like this. That's good. +That's good. Yes, it is good. What do you think is in these other drawers? +Yes, it is good. What do you think is in these other drawers? I don't know, Sam. +I don't know, Sam. Maybe, later we could take a look. +Maybe, later we could take a look. Sure, but let's finish up with this first. +Crushed skull. Probable cause repeated blows to the back of the head with an obtuse angled blunt object. Subject looks to be between 16 and 18 years of age. Cole said she was 17. +There appears to be a contusion under the ring finger of her left hand. Oh. +Accidental? Agent Desmond, would you hold the finger for me. There's something up there. +What is it? "It is a piece of paper with the letter ""T"" imprinted on it. Take a look." +Geez, Agent Desmond, it's three-thirty in the morning. Where are we going to sleep? We're not. You and I are going to get some food. +We're not. You and I are going to get some food. Yes, it's been several hours since we've eaten. I didn't realize that so much time had past, did you, Agent Desmond? +Agent Desmond, it's... It's late, Sam. +It's late, Sam. It's not late, it's early. Really early. +I doubt it was drugs, more likely a problem with a nerve. I could recheck the arm for injuries, but for real nerve work we are going to have to take the body back to Portland. I think that's a good idea. +I think we should see the sun rise at the Canyon Trailer Park. Are you speaking to me in a code? +Are you speaking to me in a code? No, Sam, I'm speaking plainly and I mean just exactly what I say. +No, Sam, I'm speaking plainly and I mean just exactly what I say. In that case, we should go to the Canyon Trailer Park. +She lived alone. She must have known someone. +You better dust this place, Sam. I'll get my kit. +Take a look at this. She's wearing a ring. +My guess is there isn't enough detail in the photo to get an idea of the design on the ring, but we should do a blowup of this anyway. May I see the magnifying glass, Agent Desmond? There doesn't seem to be enough detail in the photo to ascertain the design on the ring. +I couldn't help but notice that you had a suspicion that Deputy Cliff was the murderer. You did think that, didn't you, Agent Desmond? He's not the murderer. But he's a bozo. +He's not the murderer. But he's a bozo. Yes, he is like a clown. +"When he says, ""Discussion"", how do you take that, Agent Desmond?" I don't take it, Sam. I give it. +One thing that has been troubling me. That lamp at the diner. Do you think they were working on it for esthetic reasons or was their work due to faulty wiring? Faulty wiring. +Faulty wiring. Esthetics are subjective, aren't they, Agent Desmond? I'm Sam Stanley. If you ever need me. +Esthetics are subjective, aren't they, Agent Desmond? I'm Sam Stanley. If you ever need me. Thanks, Sam, for the good work. You have a good eye for detail. +Thanks, Sam, for the good work. You have a good eye for detail. We do notice things, don't we, Agent Desmond? Are you going back to the trailer park for the Blue rose? +If I am going to get through math today, you're going to have to bring me up to speed quick. You didn't do your homework? +You didn't do your homework? Noooo... +Noooo... Okay, this test is going to be about the theorems I told you about last week. You remember the... +Okay, this test is going to be about the theorems I told you about last week. You remember the... Don't tell me now. Tell me right before the test. I won't be able to remember long enough. +Don't tell me now. Tell me right before the test. I won't be able to remember long enough. You graduating this year will be proof that miracles happen. +You graduating this year will be proof that miracles happen. Thanks. +James called me last night looking for you. When? +When? The usual, 9:15. +The usual, 9:15. He probably wanted to drive over. +He probably wanted to drive over. Were you with Bobby? Or are you two still fighting? +Were you with Bobby? Or are you two still fighting? No, and yes. I don't know what I'm going to do about Bobby. I know he is seeing someone else and that's okay with me, and he thinks I'm seeing someone else and that's not okay with him. +No, and yes. I don't know what I'm going to do about Bobby. I know he is seeing someone else and that's okay with me, and he thinks I'm seeing someone else and that's not okay with him. "Are you going to tell him about that ""someone else""?" +"Are you going to tell him about that ""someone else""?" I don't know what to do. +I don't know what to do. You know what your problem is? You're just too adorable... +You know what your problem is? You're just too adorable... You know, I think you're right. I'm just too adorable. +Laura Palmer, you're just too adorable. I'm just too adorable. I'm just too adorable. +Are you going to see James tonight? Why are you suddenly so interested in who I am going to see at night? Nighttime is my time. +Why are you suddenly so interested in who I am going to see at night? Nighttime is my time. You're telling me, but only because you never let me in on any of it... you're not going to see Bobby, are you? +You're telling me, but only because you never let me in on any of it... you're not going to see Bobby, are you? Maybe. +Maybe. Oh god, Laura. +Oh god, Laura. Well, why not? +Well, why not? "Because Bobby is a loser, you said so yourself. He's a goon. James is the one. He loves you with that ""lasting love""... ""true love""." +Yes, James is very sweet. Why don't you get out your violin, Donna? Sweet? God, he's gorgeous. +Sweet? God, he's gorgeous. James is very sweet and very gorgeous. +Do you think that if you were falling in space you would slow down after a while or go faster and faster? Faster and faster. For a long time you wouldn't feel anything. Then you would burst into fire... forever. +Maybe I better start our homework. Okay, I suppose I should go home. +Okay, I suppose I should go home. Call me. +Call me. Sure. What do you want me to call you? +Sure. What do you want me to call you? Call me anything just don't call me late for dinner. +Laura? Donna, are you my best friend? +Donna, are you my best friend? Of course... +What is it Laura? What's wrong? I just want a friend. Just one friend for just one minute... +I just want a friend. Just one friend for just one minute... Laura, how about one friend for the rest of your whole life? +Laura, how about one friend for the rest of your whole life? Yes, that's what I want. Thanks D. +Yes, that's what I want. Thanks D. Okay, L. I am your friend... always. But sometimes... lately... I feel that you don't like being around me because I am so uptight. No, I am uptight. I hate it... I don't want to be this way, but Laura I don't... I mean... I'm your friend no matter what way you are. +Okay, L. I am your friend... always. But sometimes... lately... I feel that you don't like being around me because I am so uptight. No, I am uptight. I hate it... I don't want to be this way, but Laura I don't... I mean... I'm your friend no matter what way you are. You know, even when I think about your face I get happier. +Do you want to talk? No, I want to smoke. +I'm in a mess today, too. I'm thinking about doing it with Mike. What do you think? Donna, you are such a crack up. You don't even like Mike. Is this what you are going to do to show me you are not uptight. +Donna, you are such a crack up. You don't even like Mike. Is this what you are going to do to show me you are not uptight. This is about sex, not like. Mom, Laura's here and I think I will have one of those huckleberry muffins. You want a muffin? +This is about sex, not like. Mom, Laura's here and I think I will have one of those huckleberry muffins. You want a muffin? If I can smoke it. +If I can smoke it. You want a muffin? +You want a muffin? Donna, you are a muffin. +Goodbye, Muffin. No, you're the muffin. +Where are you going? No place, fast. And you're not coming. +No place, fast. And you're not coming. Come on, Laura. I'm your best friend. +Isn't tonight the night you are going to do it with Mike? Laura, aren't you going to fix me a drink? +Where are the Cookies? You mean Fred and Ginger? +You mean Fred and Ginger? Dancing. +If I had a nickel for every cigarette your mom smoked, I'd be dead. Gotta go, Donna. I'll call you tomorrow. +What are you doing? Nothing. +No. I don't need to take this to be your friend. YES YOU DO, DONNA. What a downer you are!!! +Don't ever wear my stuff, don't ever wear my stuff. Never. Okay, I won't wear your stuff... Why can't I wear your stuff? +Okay, I won't wear your stuff... Why can't I wear your stuff? Jacques, help me get her home. NOW! +I won't wear your stuff. I promise. Not you, Donna, not you. +I can't remember anything about last night. Is there something I should remember? No, you should forget about last night. +No, you should forget about last night. Laura, I am your friend. +Laura, I am your friend. I know you are and you don't have to do anything crazy to prove it. +I know you are and you don't have to do anything crazy to prove it. You're not mad at me? +You're not mad at me? No. +No. I feel so bad. I had nightmares all night long. They all knew you at that place. +I feel so bad. I had nightmares all night long. They all knew you at that place. What can I tell you? +What can I tell you? How did the car get back here? +How did the car get back here? WE got it back, that's all. +WE got it back, that's all. How did I get in the house? How did I get into my bed? +How did I get in the house? How did I get into my bed? I can't help you there. +I can't help you there. Was I wearing something of yours and you got mad at me? +Was I wearing something of yours and you got mad at me? All my things have me in them. I don't want you to be like me. +All my things have me in them. I don't want you to be like me. But I love you, Laura. +But I love you, Laura. And I love you, too. But don't wear my stuff. +And I love you, too. But don't wear my stuff. Why do you do it, Laura? +Why do you do it, Laura? Cause I like it. +Hey, Pete. Can't believe your tank's dry up at the mill. "No... hell, no. Just got in the truck, started drivin', looked down at the gauge and saw a big ""E"" starin' at me." +"No... hell, no. Just got in the truck, started drivin', looked down at the gauge and saw a big ""E"" starin' at me." "You know what that Big ""E"" stands for? Big Ed's Gas Farm." +"You know what that Big ""E"" stands for? Big Ed's Gas Farm." Yep. You're right. That's why I'm here. +Yep. You're right. That's why I'm here. What'll it be? +What'll it be? Fill 'er up. +Fill 'er up. You got it. +You got it. I haven't got it yet. +Nice night. Yep... Yes... It is. +You missed somethin', Ed. I did? I didn't see anything. +I did? I didn't see anything. Yeah... look in here. Look at it from this angle. +Even this heavy work beats being at home with the old ball and chain. Brother, I hear you talkin'. +My secret diary. There are pages missing. Who would do that? +Who would do that? Bob. +Bob. But Bob isn't real. +But Bob isn't real. The pages are gone. That's real. +The pages are gone. That's real. Maybe. +Maybe. "Bob is real. He's been ""having"" me since I was 12." +The diary was hidden too well. He's the only one who could know where it was. He's getting to know me, now. He's real. He speaks to me. What does Bob say? +What does Bob say? He wants to be me... or he will kill me. +He wants to be me... or he will kill me. No... No... +No... No... Oh, yes... yes... +You're not Bob are you, Harold? If you are, you can kill me right now. Kill me right now, if you are. Laura, no, I'm not. I'm not Bob. Poor Laura. I wish I could help you. +I hate him, I hate it. Sometimes I love it. But now I'm afraid. I am so afraid. But you're strong Laura... so much stronger than I... How can I help you? I can't. I can't even go outside. +What about James? Can't James help you? You two are so in love. He's in love with a girl who's dead. It is dangerous for you to have it. I'm sorry. +He's in love with a girl who's dead. It is dangerous for you to have it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Laura. +Laura, you didn't come and see me today. I couldn't it was Johnny Horne's birthday. I promised I'd be with him. I told you not to call me here. +I couldn't it was Johnny Horne's birthday. I promised I'd be with him. I told you not to call me here. A little trouble with your parents is the least of your worries and something I am certainly willing to put up with. +A little trouble with your parents is the least of your worries and something I am certainly willing to put up with. I'm not. +I'm not. Did you make me a tape? +Did you make me a tape? I already made you two tapes. +I already made you two tapes. Laura, you have to deal with all of this. +Laura, you have to deal with all of this. I'm dealing with it, Doc. Big time. Maybe I'll make you a tape tomorrow. Goodnight. +I'm dealing with it, Doc. Big time. Maybe I'll make you a tape tomorrow. Goodnight. Send me a kiss. +Baby, you know why? Cause it'll never get here. Hey, Jacques... +Hey, Jacques... "No ""Jacques"". I am the Great Went." +"No ""Jacques"". I am the Great Went." I am The Muffin. +I am The Muffin. And what a muffin you have. +That's right. She called me. She even asked me what your fathers looked like... What? She asked about my father? +What? She asked about my father? But it wasn't him... she was after a huge guy, six foot four with a broken nose. She said he looked just like a boxer. Speaking of sandwiches... I think Bobby was arranging something for you... Speaking of arrangements... SPEAKING OF ARRANGEMENTS... Why don't you two come up to the cabin this week? Leo and I know that Santy Claus is coming to town... Thursday. +Right on time, baby. Buy me a ticket to The Great Went. +Buy me a ticket to The Great Went. We're on our way, Baby. +We're on our way, Baby. Let's go all the way. +James... Laura, I'll meet you at 2:30 after phys. ed. +Laura, I'll meet you at 2:30 after phys. ed. Okay. +Laura, do you love me? Yes, I love you. I've told you, but it doesn't really matter. +Yes, I love you. I've told you, but it doesn't really matter. Why? It does. +Why? It does. No, it doesn't... just kiss me. +No, it doesn't... just kiss me. It does matter. We're in love. +It does matter. We're in love. James, you don't know what you are talking about. Quit trying to hold on so tight. I'm gone... long gone like a turkey through the corn. +James, you don't know what you are talking about. Quit trying to hold on so tight. I'm gone... long gone like a turkey through the corn. You're not a turkey. A turkey is one of the dumbest birds on earth. +You're not a turkey. A turkey is one of the dumbest birds on earth. Gobble, gobble, gobble. +Where were you last night? We were supposed to get together. You didn't show up. You were supposed to show up. Maybe I wasn't. +You were supposed to show up. Maybe I wasn't. We were supposed to be together. +We were supposed to be together. How can I be together if I'm not together? +How can I be together if I'm not together? You're on somethin' again, aren't you? +You're on somethin' again, aren't you? James... +James... When am I going to see you? +I've got to see you. Not now. +Not now. This afternoon? +This afternoon? Okay. Oh god, it's Johnny Horne's birthday today. +Okay. Oh god, it's Johnny Horne's birthday today. What about tonight? +What about tonight? I can't tonight. +I can't tonight. What's going on? +What's going on? I just can't, James. I can't do it. +What the hell is wrong with you? That's right. There's no place left to go is there, James? +That's right. There's no place left to go is there, James? What do you mean? +What do you mean? You know it and I know it. +You know it and I know it. What is wrong with us?... We have everything. +What is wrong with us?... We have everything. Everything, but everything. +Everything, but everything. Oh, Laura. +Oh, Laura. """Oh, Laura...""" +You always hurt the ones you love. You mean the ones you pity. +You mean the ones you pity. Say anything you want... I know you love me and I love you. +Say anything you want... I know you love me and I love you. I do love you. Let's get lost together. +Shit, maybe he'll kill you. What? +What? When he finds out. +When he finds out. What? +What? Bobby killed a guy. +Bobby killed a guy. What are you talking about? Bobby didn't kill anybody. +What are you talking about? Bobby didn't kill anybody. You want to see... +You want to see... See what? +See what? Right. Open your eyes, James. You don't know me. Even Donna doesn't know me. Your Laura disappeared... It's just me now. +Johnny, Johnny... let your Daddy and your Uncle and Leland talk. Ben... Leland, we can play the French against the Norwegians. What do the French love more than anything? Boating? +Boating? No. +No. Hiking? +Hiking? No. +No. Eating? +Eating? You'd think so. +You'd think so. Sex? +Sex? You're getting warmer. +You're getting warmer. Trees? +Trees? Exactment. They are nuts about wood. They get goofy over trees. +History is on our side, Ben. It's no accident that the great explorers were named Hennepin, Nicollet, Marquette. They were looking for wood. +Josie, I think we should go public. That would be wonderful, but it's only been a year since Andrew died. +That would be wonderful, but it's only been a year since Andrew died. What are you afraid of? What people think? +What are you afraid of? What people think? I don't want to offend the customs of your country. +I don't want to offend the customs of your country. Believe me, Josie, you would not offend the customs of this country. For instance, I don't eat fish eyes. +Believe me, Josie, you would not offend the customs of this country. For instance, I don't eat fish eyes. Fish eyes? +Fish eyes? Even if it offended someone, I wouldn't eat a fish eye. +Even if it offended someone, I wouldn't eat a fish eye. Why wouldn't you eat a fish eye, Harry? +Why wouldn't you eat a fish eye, Harry? I saw a guy eat a fish eye once in Seattle. He was digging through his food with his chopsticks for about five minutes till he found the fish eye and he dropped it into his throat. I guess it must have gotten stuck in his uvula because right away he started to have trouble. His throat began to flutter there like there was a wind blowing. And he couldn't swallow and they rushed to him and loosened his collar and they were asking him if he was alright and he started to turn blue and his eyes started to roll back into his head and he still couldn't get the fish eye out and they tried to do a Heimlich maneuver. I went over to him as they were preparing to do an emergency tracheotomy. They were over him with a knife when he suddenly shot the fish eye out of his throat and right onto the ceiling. Splat! It just stuck up there and spread out. It was about the size of a half dollar. And that's why I don't ever eat fish eyes. +I'm not saying it's right or wrong, it's just the way I feel. It's the custom thing I was thinking of. In America we don't use any part of the fish but the meat just to the side of the insides. We throw away the tail, the rest of the insides and the head. I understand. +I understand. We throw away the whole head. +Can I take the car? Sure honey, what's the hurry? +Sure honey, what's the hurry? I forgot my books at school. +Laura. What? +You lied to me about those school books. I found them upstairs on your bed. What were you doing in my room? +What were you doing in my room? I was looking for that blue sweater that you borrowed which I found balled up in the bottom of your closet. Now why did you lie to me? Where did you go? +I was looking for that blue sweater that you borrowed which I found balled up in the bottom of your closet. Now why did you lie to me? Where did you go? I had to see Bobby. I know you really don't like Bobby, but there was a problem and I didn't think you would understand. +I had to see Bobby. I know you really don't like Bobby, but there was a problem and I didn't think you would understand. Oh, honey, you don't have to lie to me. Ever. You can tell me anything. I'll understand. +Oh, honey, you don't have to lie to me. Ever. You can tell me anything. I'll understand. I'm sorry, Mom. +I'm sorry, Mom. Now hurry, dinner's almost ready. Your father says he's starving. +Laura, now I can't find that blue sweater. Did you take it again? Mom... what are you wearing? +My god, I am going to have another breakdown. God, god. Mom, take it easy. +I hate asparagus. Sure you do, it's good for you. +Where's Dad? Ben asked him to stay late to plan for the Norwegians. +Ben asked him to stay late to plan for the Norwegians. If it's okay with you I'm going to Bobby's to do my homework. +If it's okay with you I'm going to Bobby's to do my homework. It's a school night... back by nine. +Good night, Mom. Good night, sweetheart. +Dad. Hyggelig a mote dem. Jeg Heter Leland Palmer. +"The Norwegians are coming next week and I want you to learn to say what I just learned in Norwegian. So you can talk to them. I want you to learn to say, ""Hello, my name is Leland Palmer""." But my name isn't Leland Palmer. +Hi, honey, how's Donna? Fine. +Fine. School? +School? ...school's fine... +...school's fine... Sit down... sit down... Are you hungry? +Sit down... sit down... Are you hungry? Not really. +Let me see. Dad... +Dad... Your hands are filthy... look, there is dirt way under this fingernail. +Who was that? A friend from school. +A friend from school. A special friend? +Dad... Dad... Who was that? How do you know him? He looked familiar. Have I met him? No, you haven't met him. Have you met him? +No, you haven't met him. Have you met him? No. +No. We're late to get to your mother. +We're late to get to your mother. Just sit here for a moment. You seem very upset. +Just sit here for a moment. You seem very upset. Guy just pulls up out of the blue... I mean... what is this world coming to? +Are you sure you're okay? Yes. +Dad? Yes. +Yes. Did you come home during the day last week? +Did you come home during the day last week? No. +No. Oh, I thought I saw you. +Oh, I thought I saw you. You know, I did come home, come to think of it, on Thursday. I had a severe headache and I was driving in the neighborhood so I just darted in and out of the house. Where were you, Laura? I didn't see you? +You know, I did come home, come to think of it, on Thursday. I had a severe headache and I was driving in the neighborhood so I just darted in and out of the house. Where were you, Laura? I didn't see you? I was down the street. +Laura. What's wrong this morning? Stay away from me. +DON'T MAKE ME DO IT. NO, YOU HAVE TO KILL ME. +NO, YOU HAVE TO KILL ME. I always thought you knew it was me. +I always thought you knew it was me. NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE ME. KILL ME. +"Hello, Laura. Hello Sarah. Where's my axe? ""I'm hungry""." Oh, Leland. +Neither is mine. And can't we talk about something serious for a change. This is serious. Mr. Benjamin Horne's got a delegation of Norwegians coming in next week and I want both of you to learn to introduce yourself. Sarah, you first. +Leland, what are you doing? Look at this finger here. +Leland... Laura didn't wash her hands before dinner. And look at this. +Did you get this from your lover? They don't call them lovers in high school, Leland. +They don't call them lovers in high school, Leland. Bobby didn't give you this? +Bobby didn't give you this? How would you know if Bobby didn't give her that? +Did Bobby give you that or is there someone new? Leland leave her alone... She doesn't like that. Stop it. +Leland leave her alone... She doesn't like that. Stop it. How do you know what she doesn't like? +Oh, Leland, sit down and eat you dinner. Oh, I'll sit down, but none of us are going to start eating till Laura goes and washes her hands. +When's the next business trip, big fella? Soon. How about next time we party with the girlfriends you told me about? +Soon. How about next time we party with the girlfriends you told me about? I can arrange that. I like that. +What are you doing? Who am I? +Who am I? I don't know. +I don't know. That's right. +What's wrong? Nothing, I chickened out. +Someone who knows how to clean knows where the object was before she started cleaning and then that object goes back to its exact same spot. Shelly, I know where everything in this house is. Sometimes on the road I mentally go through this whole house and picture where every item is. Lay off the bennies, Leo. +Lay off the bennies, Leo. Anybody can clean the surface of an object, but dirt can find its way anywhere. To really clean, you have to scrub below the surface. WHERE THE DIRT IS, SHELLY. +That's one thing you are going to learn, Shelly, -- HOW TO CLEAN. It takes scrubbing, Shelly. There is no easy way. THIS IS WHERE WE LIVE, SHELLY. As if I didn't know. +As if I didn't know. I'm going to show you how to wash this tile and then you're going to do it. +I'm going to show you how to wash this tile and then you're going to do it. Come off it, Leo. I'm late for work... +Come off it, Leo. I'm late for work... What did you say? +"Shelly, would you give Laura a quick hand with the ""Meals on Wheels""?" I'm kind of busy, Norma. +I'm kind of busy, Norma. You're not busy, sweetheart, now go. +Laura just took off. She asked me to do the run today. Should I do it? What's with that Laura? Yeah, sure, take a look around. There's no one here anyway. +What's with that Laura? Yeah, sure, take a look around. There's no one here anyway. You're right. There's no one here. +You're right. There's no one here. There's no one here. +There's no one here. Norma, are you alright? +Come back as soon as you can. "If Leo comes here, he won't believe that I am out doing the ""Meals on Wheels""." +"If Leo comes here, he won't believe that I am out doing the ""Meals on Wheels""." Don't worry, Shelly, I'll handle Leo. +Mr. Abraham... Abrams... +Abrams... Abrams. Yes. How are you today? +Abrams. Yes. How are you today? I'm fine. +I'm fine. Good. You ever been inside a hospital? +Good. You ever been inside a hospital? Yes. +Yes. Ah. How did they treat you? +Why did he go to see Mary Rooney? She's the only nurse who isn't testifying for the Doctors. +She's the only nurse who isn't testifying for the Doctors. What did he find? +What did he find? Nothing. +Nothing. How good's your intelligence? +How good's your intelligence? Very good. +Very good. And so what is the rest of his case aside from Dr. Thompson? +And so what is the rest of his case aside from Dr. Thompson? As far as we know, nothing. +He was accused of jury tampering. Accused. Not indicted. He resigned the firm. Divorced nineteen seventy. Galvin worked with Michael Morrissey until Morrissey retired in 'seventy- eight. Since then he's been on his own. Four cases before the Circuit Court. He lost them all. He drinks. +Accused. Not indicted. He resigned the firm. Divorced nineteen seventy. Galvin worked with Michael Morrissey until Morrissey retired in 'seventy- eight. Since then he's been on his own. Four cases before the Circuit Court. He lost them all. He drinks. Four cases in three years... +Four cases in three years... The man's an ambulance chaser... +The man's an ambulance chaser... ...tell me about this case. +...tell me about this case. This is a nuisance suit. He's looking for small change. He's asking for six hundred thousand and betting we don't want to go to court. +This is a nuisance suit. He's looking for small change. He's asking for six hundred thousand and betting we don't want to go to court. No -- we don't want this case in court. +No -- we don't want this case in court. Neither does he. That's where he loses. This man's scared to death to go to court. We only have to call his bluff. +Neither does he. That's where he loses. This man's scared to death to go to court. We only have to call his bluff. I want to settle this thing and be done with it. I don't want the Archdiocese exposed. +I want to settle this thing and be done with it. I don't want the Archdiocese exposed. No. Absolutely, and we're going to see that it is not. +No. Absolutely, and we're going to see that it is not. So what I want to do is stop it here. I'm going to make him an offer. I want to do it myself. I want it to come from me. +So what I want to do is stop it here. I'm going to make him an offer. I want to do it myself. I want it to come from me. All right. But let's keep the price down. I've called Ed Concannon. He recommends that we continue to respond as if we're going to trial. +If we were to go to trial, would we win the case? Well, of course, it's always dangerous... +Well, of course, it's always dangerous... I know that answer. If we went to trial would we win? +I know that answer. If we went to trial would we win? Yes. +It's a generous offer, Mr. Galvin... ...nothing can make the woman well... but we try to compensate... to make a gesture... How did you settle on the amount? +How did you settle on the amount? We thought it was just. +We thought it was just. You thought it was just. +You thought it was just. Yes. +Yes. Because it struck me how neatly 'three' went into the amount. Two Hundred Ten Thousand. That would mean I keep seventy. +Because it struck me how neatly 'three' went into the amount. Two Hundred Ten Thousand. That would mean I keep seventy. That was our insurance company's recommendation. +That was our insurance company's recommendation. Yes. It would be. +Nothing that we can do can make that woman well. And no one will know the truth. +And no one will know the truth. What is the truth? +What is the truth? That that poor girl put her trust in the hands of two men who took her life, she's in a coma, her life is gone. She has no family, she has no home, she's tied to a machine, she has no friends -- and the people who should care for her: her Doctors, and you, and me, have been bought off to look the other way. We have been paid to look the other way. I came in here to take your money. I brought snapshots to show you. So I could get your money. I can't take it. If I take it. If I take that money I'm lost. I'm just going to be a rich ambulance chaser. I can't do it. I can't take it. +What are you doing here? Mickey told me to come back to work. +...here's your mail, call Mrs. Doneghy... ...yes. Get her on the phone... +...yes. Get her on the phone... ...that was a Dr. David Gruber's office... +...that was a Dr. David Gruber's office... Gruber... +Gruber... Mickey told him to call. 'He's some very hotshot surgeon at Mass. Commonwealth. He wants to meet with you at seven tonight re testimony in the case of Deborah Ann Kaye. You meet him at the hospital.' +...he wants to testify...? It looks that way. +It looks that way. You know what that would mean? +You know what that would mean? To get somebody from a Boston hospital to say he'll testify? +To get somebody from a Boston hospital to say he'll testify? ...a Mrs. Doneghy called... I told you that. +This is going to drive the ante up. Frank Galvin's... who's calling please? Bishop Brophy's office... +That's the call that I'm waiting for. What does it mean? +What does it mean? They want to settle. It means a lot of money. +They want to settle. It means a lot of money. Does that mean I'm back for awhile? +You are aware of the penalties for perjury...? It's a crime. +It's a crime. Yes. It is a crime. A serious crime. +Yes. It is a crime. A serious crime. I wouldn't do it. +I wouldn't do it. You would not...? +You would not...? No. +No. In fact, you've just taken an oath that you would not commit perjury. You've just sworn to that. Isn't that right? +In fact, you've just taken an oath that you would not commit perjury. You've just sworn to that. Isn't that right? Yes. +Yes. Just now... +Just now... Yes. +Yes. ...sworn before God you would tell the truth? +...sworn before God you would tell the truth? Yes. +Yes. Now. I'd like to ask you something: four years ago, when you were working as a nurse, are you aware that Drs. Towler and Marx based their treatment of Deborah Ann Kaye on this chart that you signed...? +Now. I'd like to ask you something: four years ago, when you were working as a nurse, are you aware that Drs. Towler and Marx based their treatment of Deborah Ann Kaye on this chart that you signed...? I... +I... And wasn't that an oath...? These are your initials here: K.C. When you signed this chart you took an oath. No less important than that which you took today. Isn't that right? Isn't that right...? +And wasn't that an oath...? These are your initials here: K.C. When you signed this chart you took an oath. No less important than that which you took today. Isn't that right? Isn't that right...? I... yes. +I... yes. Then, please, which is correct? You've sworn today the patient ate one hour ago. Four years ago you swore she ate nine hours ago? Which is the lie. When were you lying? +Then, please, which is correct? You've sworn today the patient ate one hour ago. Four years ago you swore she ate nine hours ago? Which is the lie. When were you lying? I... +I... You know these doctors could have settled out of court. They wanted a trial. They wanted to clear their names. +They lied. 'They lied.' Indeed! When did they lie? And do you know what a lie is? +'They lied.' Indeed! When did they lie? And do you know what a lie is? I do. Yes. +I do. Yes. You swore on this form that the patient ate nine hours ago. +You swore on this form that the patient ate nine hours ago. That's not my handwriting. +That's not my handwriting. You've just said you signed it. +You've just said you signed it. Yes, I, yes, I signed it, yes. But I, I didn't write that figure. +Yes, I, yes, I signed it, yes. But I, I didn't write that figure. You didn't write that figure. And how is it that you remember that so clearly after four years? +You didn't write that figure. And how is it that you remember that so clearly after four years? Because I kept a copy. I have it right here. +...what in the world would induce you to make a photocopy of some obscure record and hold it four years? This is a... why? Why would you do that? I thought I would need it. +I thought I would need it. And why, please tell us, would you think that? +And why, please tell us, would you think that? After, after the operation, when that poor girl, she went in a coma. Dr. Towler called me in. He told me he had five difficult deliveries in a row and he was tired, and he never looked at the admittance form. And he told me to change the form. He told me to change the one to a nine. Or else, or else, he said... He said he'd fire me. He said I'd never work again... Who were these men...? Who were these men...? I wanted to be a nurse... +Dr. Thompson, just so the Jury knows, you never treated Deborah Ann Kaye. Is that correct? That is correct. I was engaged to render an opinion. +That is correct. I was engaged to render an opinion. Engaged to render an opinion. For a price. Is that correct? You're being paid to be here today? +Engaged to render an opinion. For a price. Is that correct? You're being paid to be here today? Just as you are, Sir... +Just as you are, Sir... Are you board-certified in anesthesiology, Doctor? +Are you board-certified in anesthesiology, Doctor? No, I am not. It's quite common in New York State... +No, I am not. It's quite common in New York State... ...I'm sure it is, but this is Massachusetts, Doctor. Certified in Internal Medicine? +...I'm sure it is, but this is Massachusetts, Doctor. Certified in Internal Medicine? No. +No. Neurology? +Neurology? No. +No. Orthopedics? +Orthopedics? I'm just an M.D. +I'm just an M.D. Do you know Dr. Robert Towler...? +Do you know Dr. Robert Towler...? I know of him. +I know of him. How is that? +How is that? Through, through his book. +Through, through his book. What book is that? +What book is that? Meth... Methodology and Technique... +Meth... Methodology and Technique... ...of Anesthesiology? +...of Anesthesiology? 'Methodology and Techniques of Anesthesiology.' Yes. +'Methodology and Techniques of Anesthesiology.' Yes. How old are you? +How old are you? I am seventy-four years old. +I am seventy-four years old. Uh-huh. Still practice a lot of medicine? +Uh-huh. Still practice a lot of medicine? I'm on the staff of... +I'm on the staff of... Yes, we've heard that. Doctor: you testify quite a bit against other physicians? Isn't that right? You, you're available for that? When you're paid to be there? +Yes, we've heard that. Doctor: you testify quite a bit against other physicians? Isn't that right? You, you're available for that? When you're paid to be there? Sir. Yes. When a thing is wrong... as in this case, I am available. I am seventy-four years old, I am not board-certified. +Sir. Yes. When a thing is wrong... as in this case, I am available. I am seventy-four years old, I am not board-certified. I have been practicing medicine for forty-six years and I know when an injustice has been done. +I have been practicing medicine for forty-six years and I know when an injustice has been done. Do you, indeed. I'll bet you do. Fine. Fine. We'll save the court the time. We will admit the Doctor as an 'expert witness,' fine. +I did. Objection. +Ed Concannon. Frank Galvin. We've met before. +Objection, we've... ...to get her heartbeat back...? +...to get her heartbeat back...? We've touched on this, his own witness has said... +We've touched on this, his own witness has said... ...almost nine minutes... causing brain damage. +...almost nine minutes... causing brain damage. Your Honor...! Your Honor... +Objection! And you would come here, and on a slip of memory four years ago, you'd ruin their lives. +Your Honor, Bishop Brophy and the Archdiocese have offered plaintiff two hundred and ten thousand dollars. Huh! +Huh! My doctors didn't want a settlement at any price. They wanted this cleared up in court. They want their vindication. I agree with them. But for today the offer stands. Before we begin the publicity of a trial. For today only. When I walk out that door the offer is withdrawn. As long as you understand that. It's got to be that way. +Mr. Concannon...? Nothing further, your Honor. +Nothing further, your Honor. Mr. Galvin, rebuttal? +Objection! This is ri... expect us to accept a photocopy, we have the original right... I'll rule on that presently. Proceed. +No further questions. You may step down. +Thank you, your Honor. We object to the copy of the admissions form as incompetent and essentially hearsay evidence and cite McGee versus State of Indiana, U.S. 131 point 2 and 216 through 25 of the Uniform Code: 'The admission of a duplicate document in preference to an existing original must presuppose the possibility of alteration and so must be disallowed.' And, your Honor, having given the Plaintiff the leeway we would like your ruling on this issue now: we object to the admission of the Xerox form. ...one moment, Mr. Concannon... +The document is disallowed, the jury will be advised not to consider the testimony of Kathy Costello regarding the Xerox form. It's unsubstantiated and we can't accept a copy in preference to the original... Thank you, your Honor. Further: Ms. Costello is a rebuttal witness. As a 'Surprise Witness' she may only serve to rebut direct testimony. As her only evidentiary rebuttal was the admitting form, which has been disallowed I request that her entire testimony be disallowed and the jury advised that they must totally disregard her appearance here. +Thank you, your Honor. Further: Ms. Costello is a rebuttal witness. As a 'Surprise Witness' she may only serve to rebut direct testimony. As her only evidentiary rebuttal was the admitting form, which has been disallowed I request that her entire testimony be disallowed and the jury advised that they must totally disregard her appearance here. I'm going to uphold that. +No, actually, she was referred to me. She was Dr. Hagman's patient... Don't equivocate. Be positive. Just tell the truth. +Whatever the 'truth' is, let's hear that. You were her doctor. Yes. +Yes. Say it. +Say it. I was her doctor. +I was her doctor. You were the anesthesiologist at her delivery May twelfth, nineteen seventy... +You were the anesthesiologist at her delivery May twelfth, nineteen seventy... ...I was one of a group of... +...I was one of a group of... Answer affirmatively. Simply. Keep those answers to three words. You weren't 'part of a group,' you were her anesthesiologist. Isn't that right? +Answer affirmatively. Simply. Keep those answers to three words. You weren't 'part of a group,' you were her anesthesiologist. Isn't that right? Yes. +Yes. You were there to help Dr. Marx deliver her baby. Were you not? +You were there to help Dr. Marx deliver her baby. Were you not? Yes. +Anything special about the case? When she... +Thank you. When Debby... Dr. Towler, who was in the operating room with you? +Dr. Towler, who was in the operating room with you? Ms. Nevins, nurse-anesthetist; Dr. Marx, of course... +Mary Rooney, the obstetrical nurse... What did these people do when her heart stopped? +What did these people do when her heart stopped? We went to Code Blue... +We went to Code Blue... 'Code Blue,' what does that mean...? +'Code Blue,' what does that mean...? It's a common medical expression, it's a crash program to restore the heartbeat. Dr. Marx cut an airway in her trachea, to get her oxygen, her and the baby... Ms. Nevins... +It's a common medical expression, it's a crash program to restore the heartbeat. Dr. Marx cut an airway in her trachea, to get her oxygen, her and the baby... Ms. Nevins... Why wasn't she getting oxygen...? +Why wasn't she getting oxygen...? Well, many reasons, actually... +Well, many reasons, actually... Tell me one? +Tell me one? She'd aspirated vomitus into her mask... +She'd aspirated vomitus into her mask... She THREW UP IN HER MASK. Let's cut the bullshit. Say it: She THREW UP IN HER MASK. +...and her heart stopped and she wasn't getting oxygen. That's right. +That's right. And what did your team do... +And what did your team do... Well, we... +Well, we... ...You brought thirty years of medical experience to bear. Isn't that what you did? +...You brought thirty years of medical experience to bear. Isn't that what you did? Yes. +Yes. ...A patient riddled with complications, questionable information on her, on her admitting form... +...A patient riddled with complications, questionable information on her, on her admitting form... ...We did everything we could... +...We did everything we could... ...to save her and to save the baby. Is that... +...to save her and to save the baby. Is that... Yes! +Yes! You reached down into death. Now, isn't that right? +You reached down into death. Now, isn't that right? My God, we tried to save her... You can't know... You can't know... +My God, we tried to save her... You can't know... You can't know... Tell us. +Please sit down. I told your wife. I'm sorry that we have to meet out here. I've got a case coming in two days in the Superior Court and my office is a mess of papers. ...that's all right. +...that's all right. I was telling your wife, we have a very good case here. +...the Archdiocese called up, they said who was our attorney, 'cause the case is coming to trial... I doubt we'll have to go to trial... +I doubt we'll have to go to trial... ...we told them we didn't want it to come out this way. +...we told them we didn't want it to come out this way. I completely understand... +I completely understand... We just... +What is this going to cost? It's completely done on a contingency basis. That means whatever the settlement is I retain one-third... that is, of course, the usual arrangement... +You said you're gonna call me up. You didn't call me up. Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are...? Hold on a second. +Hold on a second. I'm going to have you disbarred. I'm going to have your ticket. You know what you did? Do you know what you did? +It's all right, Mickey. You ruined my life, Mister... Me and my wife... and I am going to ruin yours... You don't have to go out there to see that girl. We been going four years. Four years... my wife's been crying herself to sleep what they, what, what they did to her sister. +You ruined my life, Mister... Me and my wife... and I am going to ruin yours... You don't have to go out there to see that girl. We been going four years. Four years... my wife's been crying herself to sleep what they, what, what they did to her sister. I swear to you I wouldn't have turned the offer down unless I thought that I could win the case... +I swear to you I wouldn't have turned the offer down unless I thought that I could win the case... What you thought!? What you thought... I'm a workingman, I'm trying to get my wife out of town, we hired you, we're paying you, I got to find out from the other side they offered two hundred... +What you thought!? What you thought... I'm a workingman, I'm trying to get my wife out of town, we hired you, we're paying you, I got to find out from the other side they offered two hundred... I'm going to win this case... Mist... Mr. Doneghy... I'm going to the Jury with a solid case, a famous doctor as an expert witness, and I'm going to win eight hundred thousand dollars. +I'm going to win this case... Mist... Mr. Doneghy... I'm going to the Jury with a solid case, a famous doctor as an expert witness, and I'm going to win eight hundred thousand dollars. You guys, you guys, you're all the same. The Doctors at the hospital, you... it's 'What I'm going to do for you'; but you screw up it's 'We did the best that we could. I'm dreadfully sorry...' And people like me live with your mistakes the rest of our lives. +If I could accept the offer right now, I would. They took it back. I understand. I went to the Bar Association. They tell me you're going to be disbarred. +Dr. Thompson...? It was good of you to meet... +I have some errands to run, and then I thought we'd spend the evening... That's what I'd planned to... +That's what I'd planned to... I'm going to take you to the home to see the girl... +I'm going to take you to the home to see the girl... From what I've seen, Mr. Galvin, you have a very good case... +From what I've seen, Mr. Galvin, you have a very good case... Yes. Yes. I think so. I hope you'll be comfortable. I'm putting you up at my... +Yes. Yes. I think so. I hope you'll be comfortable. I'm putting you up at my... ...I made a reservation at... +...I made a reservation at... ...apartment. No, no. Please. You don't know who we're dealing with, I, please believe me, they... +...apartment. No, no. Please. You don't know who we're dealing with, I, please believe me, they... ...What difference would... +...What difference would... These people play very rough. They don't want to lose this case. There's a lot of pressure they can bring to bear, I... +These people play very rough. They don't want to lose this case. There's a lot of pressure they can bring to bear, I... There's nothing they can do to me. +Dr. Thompson. From your review of the hospital records of May twelfth nineteen seventy-six. In your opinion, what happened to Deborah Ann Kaye? +In your opinion, what happened to Deborah Ann Kaye? Cardiac arrest. During delivery her heart stopped. When the heart stops the brain's deprived of oxygen. You get brain damage. That is why she's in the state she's in today. +Cardiac arrest. During delivery her heart stopped. When the heart stops the brain's deprived of oxygen. You get brain damage. That is why she's in the state she's in today. Now, Dr. Towler's testified that they restored the heartbeat within three or four minutes. In your opinion is his estimate correct? +Now, Dr. Towler's testified that they restored the heartbeat within three or four minutes. In your opinion is his estimate correct? It's my opinion it took him much longer. Nine... ten minutes. There's too much brain damage. +I didn't do too well for you. No, you did fine. +No, you did fine. I'm afraid that's not true. Will you want me to stay on till Monday? +I'm afraid that's not true. Will you want me to stay on till Monday? No. No thank you, Doctor. You go home. +No. No thank you, Doctor. You go home. You know... sometimes people can surprise you. Sometimes they have a great capacity to hear the truth. +You know... sometimes people can surprise you. Sometimes they have a great capacity to hear the truth. Yes... I... yes. +You sure you don't want me to stay on. No. No. Thank you. You go home. +Are you saying that a failure to restore the heartbeat within nine minutes in itself constitutes bad medical practice? Well... +I... in that small context I would have... I would have to say 'no.' Then you're saying there's no negligence, based on my question? +Then you're saying there's no negligence, based on my question? I... given the limits of your question, that's correct. +I... given the limits of your question, that's correct. The Doctors were not negligent. +The Doctors were not negligent. I... um... +They gave her the wrong anesthetic. Why is that? +Why is that? Her sister said she ate one hour prior to admittance... she... +Her sister said she ate one hour prior to admittance... she... ...that's what the sister said. The chart said she ate nine hours prior to... +...that's what the sister said. The chart said she ate nine hours prior to... ...she went in complaining of stomach cramps. Good doctor would have doubted the information on the chart. +...she went in complaining of stomach cramps. Good doctor would have doubted the information on the chart. Is that what a good doctor would do? How old are you, please? +Is that what a good doctor would do? How old are you, please? I am seventy-four years old. +I am seventy-four years old. What qualifies you as an expert in anesthetics? +What qualifies you as an expert in anesthetics? I am on the staff of... +I am on the staff of... Easthampton Hospital for Women. Excuse me, what is that, a joke? Let me tell you something, Doctor, those men at Catherine Laboure. Men who are known not only in this city, but the world, were trying to save a woman's life. They were there, and here you are, four years later, read some hospital report, and say... +Easthampton Hospital for Women. Excuse me, what is that, a joke? Let me tell you something, Doctor, those men at Catherine Laboure. Men who are known not only in this city, but the world, were trying to save a woman's life. They were there, and here you are, four years later, read some hospital report, and say... ...I made a detailed physical examination of the patient, Sir, yesterday evening, I... +She getting good care over there? Actually, yes. It's by no means bad, I... +Actually, yes. It's by no means bad, I... Then what good would it do to ruin the reputation of two men, to help a girl whose life's not going to be changed in the least? You know what CODE BLUE means? +Then what good would it do to ruin the reputation of two men, to help a girl whose life's not going to be changed in the least? You know what CODE BLUE means? 'Code Blue'... +'Code Blue'... It's a common medical term. +Dr. Towler; page 406, 'Contraindications to general anesthetic. Ideally a patient should refrain from taking nourishment up to nine hours prior to induction of general anesthetic.' Does that sound familiar? Yes. I wrote it. +'Practice and Methodology in Anaesthesia.' General textbook on the subject. Is that correct? I. Yes. It is. +I. Yes. It is. And you wrote that... +And you wrote that... Yes. +Yes. ...Page 414, 'If a patient has taken nourishment within one hour prior to inducement, general anesthetic should be avoided at all costs because of the grave risk the patient will aspirate food particles into his mask.' Is that what happened to Deborah Ann Kaye? She aspirated into her mask? +...Page 414, 'If a patient has taken nourishment within one hour prior to inducement, general anesthetic should be avoided at all costs because of the grave risk the patient will aspirate food particles into his mask.' Is that what happened to Deborah Ann Kaye? She aspirated into her mask? She threw up in her mask, yes. But she hadn't eaten one hour prior to admission. +She threw up in her mask, yes. But she hadn't eaten one hour prior to admission. If she had eaten, say one hour prior to admission, the inducement of a general anesthetic... the type you gave her... would have been negligent...? +If she had eaten, say one hour prior to admission, the inducement of a general anesthetic... the type you gave her... would have been negligent...? Negligent. Yes... it would have been criminal. But that was not the case. +Negligent. Yes... it would have been criminal. But that was not the case. Thank you. +Dr. Gruber... Yes? Galvin, right? +I appreciate -- a man as busy as -- That's perfectly all right. I'm kind of rushed. Do you mind if we walk while we talk? +I read the hospital report on your client. ...Deborah Ann Kaye... +...Deborah Ann Kaye... ...Deborah Ann Kaye... +They called, they're going to settle, what I want to do is build up as much... Right. Who called? +Right. Who called? The Archdiocese called, they want to settle... her estate... +The Archdiocese called, they want to settle... her estate... ...and you're going to do that? +...and you're going to do that? Yes. +Yes. You're going to settle out of court? +Yes. Why? +Uh... in the, well, in the interests of her family... you, Dr. Gruber, you know, you can never tell what a jury is going to do. St. Catherine's a very well thought of institution. Her doctors... Her doctors killed her. +Her doctors killed her. I'm sorry...? +I'm sorry...? Her doctors murdered her. They gave her the wrong anesthetic and they put her in the hospital for life. Her doctors murdered her. +Her doctors murdered her. They gave her the wrong anesthetic and they put her in the hospital for life. Her doctors murdered her. Do you know who her doctors were? +Do you know who her doctors were? I read the file. Yeah. Marx and Towler. I know who they were. +I read the file. Yeah. Marx and Towler. I know who they were. The most respected... +The most respected... Whose side are you arguing...? I thought that you wanted to do something. I don't have any interest in the woman's 'estate' -- No offense, but we all know where the money's going to... I have an interest in the Hospital; and I don't want those bozos working in the same shop as me. They gave her the wrong anesthetic. They turned the girl into a vegetable. They killed her and they killed her kid. You caught 'em. Now: how many others did they kill? +The hospital is owned by the Archdioceses of... What are they going to do? Not invite me to their Birthday party...? Look, I gotta go. I have to be in Cambridge... +We have to... we... we have to keep you under wraps. Please don't, don't discuss... I understand. +I understand. ...the case with anyone. And I'll meet you Tuesday, and we'll go over your testimony... +Thank you... ...that's perfectly all right. +...that's perfectly all right. Uh, why, why are you doing this? +Uh, why, why are you doing this? To do right. Isn't that why you're doing it? +Hi. Hi. How are you doing? +I've been meaning to come in a long time. You live in the neighborhood? +You live in the neighborhood? Uh-huh. My nephew's going to be staying with us in a few months, so I stopped by. +Uh-huh. My nephew's going to be staying with us in a few months, so I stopped by. How old is he? +How old is he? Four. You're great with these kids. +Thank you. You're really... You, are you the one they told me was the nurse? +You're really... You, are you the one they told me was the nurse? Who told you that? +Who told you that? Mrs... +Mrs... Mrs. Simmonds. +Mrs. Simmonds. Yes. +Yes. I used to be a nurse. +I used to be a nurse. That's a wonderful profession. My daughter-in-law's a nurse. What did you do, stop? +Kathy Price... Yes... +Yes... You were the Admitting Nurse at St. Catherine Laboure Hospital on May twelfth, nineteen seventy-six, the night Deborah Ann Kaye was admitted... +You were the Admitting Nurse at St. Catherine Laboure Hospital on May twelfth, nineteen seventy-six, the night Deborah Ann Kaye was admitted... Yes. +Yes. These are your initials, 'K.C.'? +These are your initials, 'K.C.'? Kathy Costello. That's my maiden name. +D'you ask the patient when did she last eat? Yes. +Yes. What did she say? +What did she say? She said she had a full meal one hour before coming to the hospital. +She said she had a full meal one hour before coming to the hospital. One hour. +One hour. Yes. +Yes. And did you write the numeral 'one' down on the record, standing for one hour? +And did you write the numeral 'one' down on the record, standing for one hour? I did. +I did. A single hour. +A single hour. Yes. +Yessir. I'm sorry. Why is that? +Why is that? I was held up. +Now, have you boys tried to resolve your little difficulty because that certainly would save the Commonwealth a lot of time and bother. This is a complicated case, your Honor... +This is a complicated case, your Honor... I'm sure it is, Frank: and let me tell you something. If we find it so complex, how in the hell you think you're going to make a jury understand it? See my point? Let's talk a minute. Frank: what will you and your client take right now this very minute to walk out of here and let this damn thing drop? +I'm sure it is, Frank: and let me tell you something. If we find it so complex, how in the hell you think you're going to make a jury understand it? See my point? Let's talk a minute. Frank: what will you and your client take right now this very minute to walk out of here and let this damn thing drop? My client can't walk, your Honor. +My client can't walk, your Honor. I know full well she can't, Frank. You see the Padre on your way out and he'll punch your ticket. You follow me? I'm trying to help you. +That's it...? Come on, guys... life is too short... You tell me if you're playing 'chicken,' or you mean it. Frank: I don't think I'm talking out of school, but I just heard someone offer you two hundred grand... and that's a lot of money... and if I may say, you haven't got the best of records. ...things change. +...things change. ...that's true. Sometimes they change, sometimes they don't. Now, I remember back to when you were disbarred... +...that's true. Sometimes they change, sometimes they don't. Now, I remember back to when you were disbarred... I wasn't disbarred, they dropped the pro... +I wasn't disbarred, they dropped the pro... And it seems to me, a fella's trying to come back, he'd take this settlement, and get a record for himself. I myself would take it and run like a thief. +And it seems to me, a fella's trying to come back, he'd take this settlement, and get a record for himself. I myself would take it and run like a thief. I'm sure you would. +What is it? Thank you for seeing me. +Thank you for seeing me. That's perfectly all right. +I need an extension for my case. You should have taken their offer. Especially if you were unprepared. +You should have taken their offer. Especially if you were unprepared. I had a witness disappear on me. +I had a witness disappear on me. That happens. +That happens. I could subpoena him if I had a week. +I could subpoena him if I had a week. I don't have a week. This case never should have come to trial. You know better. You're Mr. Independent. You want to be independent? Be independent now. I've got no sympathy for you. +Is the Plaintiff ready? Ready, your Honor. +Ready, your Honor. Defense...? +Do we have time this morning to... All right. Mr. Galvin, you want to continue now, or we can resume with Dr. Thompson this afternoon. Thank you, your Honor, I'll continue. Dr. Thompson. Did you examine Deborah Ann Kaye last night at The Northern Chronic Care Facility? +Sustained. Yes. The witness will confine his testimony to review of the hospital records. What? +What? I believe that's the law... is it not, Mr. Galvin...? +Yes, Mr. Galvin? If I may be permitted to question my own witness in my own way... +If I may be permitted to question my own witness in my own way... I'd just like to get to the point, Mr. Galvin. Let's not waste these people's time. Answer the question, Mr. Witness. Please. Would a nine minute lapse in restoring the heartbeat in and of itself be negligence? +I got a letter from the Judge Advocate's office on you today, fella, you're on your way out... They should have kicked you out on that Lillibridge case. Now this is it today. I'm an attorney on trial before the bar. Representing my client. My client, do you understand? You open your mouth and you're losing my case for me. +I'm an attorney on trial before the bar. Representing my client. My client, do you understand? You open your mouth and you're losing my case for me. Listen to me, fella... +Listen to me, fella... No, no, you listen to me. All I wanted in this case is an even shake. You rushed me into court in five days... my star witness disappears, I can't get a continuance, and I don't give a damn. I'm going up there and I'm going to try it. Let the Jury decide. They told me Sweeney he's a hard- ass, he's a defendant's judge. I don't care. I said, the hell with it. The hell with it. I'll take my chances he'll be fair. +Galvin, look, many years ago... And don't give me this shit, 'I was a lawyer, too.' 'Cause I know who you were. You couldn't hack it as a lawyer. You were Bag Man for the Boys and you still are. I know who you are. +And don't give me this shit, 'I was a lawyer, too.' 'Cause I know who you were. You couldn't hack it as a lawyer. You were Bag Man for the Boys and you still are. I know who you are. Are you done? +Are you done? Damn right I'm done. I'm going to ask for a mistrial and I'm going to request that you disqualify yourself from sitting on this case. I'm going to take a transcript to the State and ask that they impeach your ass. +Damn right I'm done. I'm going to ask for a mistrial and I'm going to request that you disqualify yourself from sitting on this case. I'm going to take a transcript to the State and ask that they impeach your ass. You aren't going to get a mistrial, boy. We're going back this afternoon, we're going to try this case to an end. Now you get out of here before I call the Bailiff and have you thrown in jail. +Nothing further, your Honor... Mr. Concannon...? +I object, your Honor... Overruled... +Overruled... Exception! +Exception! Noted. Thank you. Miss Costello was a rebuttal witness. Her sole rebuttal was the document, which has been disallowed... +D'you find an apartment? Still looking. +Still looking. I changed my life today. What did you do? +I changed my life today. What did you do? I changed my room at the Hotel. +I changed my room at the Hotel. Why? +Why? The TV didn't work. +The TV didn't work. What Hotel are you staying at? +What Hotel are you staying at? And what are you? A cop? +And what are you? A cop? I'm a lawyer. +I'm a lawyer. My ex-husband was a lawyer. +My ex-husband was a lawyer. Really. How wonderful for you. +Really. How wonderful for you. Yes. It was, actually. +Yes. It was, actually. Oh, actually it was. Then why'd you call it off? +Oh, actually it was. Then why'd you call it off? Who says I'm the one that called it off? +Who says I'm the one that called it off? A brick house says you divorced him. I'll put you on your honor. Bet you a hundred dollars against you join me for dinner. And I'll take your word for it. Now you tell me the truth. Because you cannot lie to me. What's your name? +A brick house says you divorced him. I'll put you on your honor. Bet you a hundred dollars against you join me for dinner. And I'll take your word for it. Now you tell me the truth. Because you cannot lie to me. What's your name? Laura. +Laura. My name's Frank. And furthermore, you came back to see me tonight. +My name's Frank. And furthermore, you came back to see me tonight. What if it wasn't you that I came back to see? +What if it wasn't you that I came back to see? You just got lucky. D'you eat yet? Come on. +The weak, the weak have got to have somebody to fight for them. Isn't that the truth? You want another drink? I think I will. +Jimmy! That's why the court exists. The court doesn't exist to give them justice, eh? But to give them a chance at justice. And are they going to get it? +And are they going to get it? They might. Yes. That's the point... is that they might... you see, the jury wants to believe. They're all cynics, sure, because they want to believe. I have to go in there tomorrow to find twelve people to hear this case. I'm going to see a hundred people and pick twelve. And every one of them it's written on their face, 'This is a sham. There is no justice...' but in their heart they're saying, 'Maybe... maybe...' +They might. Yes. That's the point... is that they might... you see, the jury wants to believe. They're all cynics, sure, because they want to believe. I have to go in there tomorrow to find twelve people to hear this case. I'm going to see a hundred people and pick twelve. And every one of them it's written on their face, 'This is a sham. There is no justice...' but in their heart they're saying, 'Maybe... maybe...' Maybe what? +Maybe what? Maybe I can do something right. +Maybe I can do something right. And is that what you're going to do? Is that what you're going to do...? +And is that what you're going to do? Is that what you're going to do...? That's what I'm going to try to do. +Would you like me to leave...? Is this a bad time -- ? What...? +What...? Is this a bad time. +Is this a bad time. We, we... No... we just had a small reversal in the case... I have some, uh... I have some work to do... +We, we... No... we just had a small reversal in the case... I have some, uh... I have some work to do... What happened...? +What happened...? They, uh, they got to my witness. +They, uh, they got to my witness. ...and is that serious? +I've got to work... Do you want me to go...? +Do you want me to go...? No, no, I'm just... +Why don't you get some rest? I've got to work. +I've got to work. You can't work if you can't think. You get in bed. It's all right. I'll stay here with you. It's all right. Come on... +You can't work if you can't think. You get in bed. It's all right. I'll stay here with you. It's all right. Come on... You're going to stay here...? +You're going to stay here...? Yes. +Do you think it's my fault? Isn't there something you... +Isn't there something you... That's not the question. It's over. Do you think that it's my fault? If I'd... if I'd... I never should have taken it. There was no way that I was going to win. +That's not the question. It's over. Do you think that it's my fault? If I'd... if I'd... I never should have taken it. There was no way that I was going to win. You're talking like a drunk. +You're talking like a drunk. That's what I am. +And it's over...? Yes. +Yes. Well, then what are you doing here? +Well, then what are you doing here? I... do you want me to leave? +I... do you want me to leave? You do what you want. You want to leave... You want to go kill yourself? +You do what you want. You want to leave... You want to go kill yourself? I... +I... You want me to tell you it's your fault? It probably is. What are you going to do about it? I thought it's not over till the jury comes in. +You want me to tell you it's your fault? It probably is. What are you going to do about it? I thought it's not over till the jury comes in. Who told you that? +Who told you that? You told me so. Maybe you'd get some sympathy. You came to the wrong place. +You told me so. Maybe you'd get some sympathy. You came to the wrong place. And what makes you so tough? +And what makes you so tough? Maybe I'll tell you later. +Maybe I'll tell you later. Is there going to be a later...? +Is there going to be a later...? Not if you don't grow up... +Not if you don't grow up... If I don't 'grow up...' +If I don't 'grow up...' You're like a kid, you're coming in here like it's Saturday night, you want me to say that you've got a fever -- you don't have to go to school... +You're like a kid, you're coming in here like it's Saturday night, you want me to say that you've got a fever -- you don't have to go to school... You, you don't under... +You, you don't under... Oh, yes, I do, Joe. Believe me. You say you're going to lose. Is it my fault? Listen! The damned case doesn't start until tomorrow and already it's over for you! +Oh, yes, I do, Joe. Believe me. You say you're going to lose. Is it my fault? Listen! The damned case doesn't start until tomorrow and already it's over for you! It's over! +It's over! What is your wife's picture doing by the side of your... +What is your wife's picture doing by the side of your... What is that to you...? +What is that to you...? What would you like it to be to me...? I, I, I can't invest in failure. +Joe... Joe... Stop pressuring me... +You're pressuring yourself... No... no... +No... no... Yes. We've all got to let go. +Is it over? No. +No. What are you going to do? +What are you going to do? I don't have a goddamned idea. +Thank you. I have to talk to you. +I have to talk to you. Call the A.M.A. ...I can't talk now. ...tell them you're Dr. Somebody... you have to find this nurse... +Continental Casualty... Mr. Alito, please. +Mr. Alito, please. Business hours are over, Sir. This is the switch... +Business hours are over, Sir. This is the switch... I have to reach him. This is an emergency. Could you give me his home number? +I have to reach him. This is an emergency. Could you give me his home number? I'm sorry, Sir, we're not allowed... +I'm sorry, Sir, we're not allowed... ...Would you, would you call him up. I'll give you my number, and ask him... +...Would you, would you call him up. I'll give you my number, and ask him... I can't guarantee that... +I can't guarantee that... I understand. Thank you, my name is Galvin. I'll be at the following number in a half an hour. It's urgent. +Mr. Galvin's... Let me talk to Mickey. +Hello, I'm calling from... If you're selling something, I'm late for work... +If you're selling something, I'm late for work... I'm calling from Professional Nurse Quarterly... +I'm calling from Professional Nurse Quarterly... From the magazine? +From the magazine? This is Mr. Wallace in Subscriptions? +This is Mr. Wallace in Subscriptions? How come you're calling me from...? +How come you're calling me from...? This is Miss Costello...? +This is Miss Costello...? Yes. Price... +Yes. Price... Pardon? +Pardon? Kathy Price. +Kathy Price. We find that your subscription lapsed... +We find that your subscription lapsed... My subscription lapsed three years ago... +My subscription lapsed three years ago... That's why I'm calling, Miss Price... +That's why I'm calling, Miss Price... Missus... +Missus... We have a renew-your-subscription offer... +We have a renew-your-subscription offer... We get it at work. We get the magazine at work. +We get it at work. We get the magazine at work. Yes, we know that you do. I have it in my files. That's at the Manhattan Health Center... +Yes, we know that you do. I have it in my files. That's at the Manhattan Health Center... No. At Chelsea Childcare. Okay. Look, call me Monday, hey? I'm late for work. +I'm Joe Galvin, I'm representing Deborah Ann Kaye, case against St. Catherine Laboure. I told the guy I didn't want to talk to... +I told the guy I didn't want to talk to... I'll just take a minute. Deborah Ann Kaye. You know what I'm talking about. The case is going to trial. Our chief witness is a Dr. David Gruber, you know who he is? +I'll just take a minute. Deborah Ann Kaye. You know what I'm talking about. The case is going to trial. Our chief witness is a Dr. David Gruber, you know who he is? No. +No. He's the Assistant Chief of Anesthesiology, Massachusetts Commonwealth. He says your doctors, Towler and Marx, put my girl in the hospital for life. And we can prove that. What we don't know is why. What went on in there? In the O.R. That's what we'd like to know. Something went wrong. And you know what it was. They gave her the wrong anesthetic. What happened? The phone rang... someone got distracted... what? +He's the Assistant Chief of Anesthesiology, Massachusetts Commonwealth. He says your doctors, Towler and Marx, put my girl in the hospital for life. And we can prove that. What we don't know is why. What went on in there? In the O.R. That's what we'd like to know. Something went wrong. And you know what it was. They gave her the wrong anesthetic. What happened? The phone rang... someone got distracted... what? ...you got your doctor's testimony. Why do you need me? +...you got your doctor's testimony. Why do you need me? I want someone who was in the O.R. We're going to win the case, there's no question of that. It's just a matter of how big... +I want someone who was in the O.R. We're going to win the case, there's no question of that. It's just a matter of how big... I've got nothing to say to you. +I've got nothing to say to you. You know what happened. +You know what happened. Nothing happened. +Nothing happened. Then why aren't you testifying for their side? +I can subpoena you, you know. I can get you up there on the stand. And ask me what? +And ask me what? Who put my client in the hospital for life. +Who put my client in the hospital for life. I didn't do it, Mister. +I didn't do it, Mister. Who are you protecting, then? +Who are you protecting, then? Who says that I'm protecting anyone? +Who says that I'm protecting anyone? I do. Who is it? The Doctors. What do you owe them? +I do. Who is it? The Doctors. What do you owe them? I don't owe them a goddamn thing. +I don't owe them a goddamn thing. Then why don't you testify? +Then why don't you testify? You know, you're pushy, fella... +You know, you're pushy, fella... You think I'm pushy now, wait 'til I get you on the stand... +You think I'm pushy now, wait 'til I get you on the stand... Well, maybe you better do that, then. You know you guys are all the same. You don't care who gets hurt. You're a bunch of whores. You'd do anything for a dollar. You got no loyalty... no nothing... you're a bunch of whores. +I'm... Mrs. Doneghy? I'm Frank Galvin... why didn't you go in? It's locked. +It's locked. It's locked? +It's not a good case. It's a very good case. A healthy young woman goes into the hospital to deliver her third child, she's given the wrong anesthetic... +A healthy young woman goes into the hospital to deliver her third child, she's given the wrong anesthetic... ...we, we love her, Dick and me... +...we, we love her, Dick and me... ...I'm sure you do... +...I'm sure you do... But what can we do? She don't know who's visiting her... +But what can we do? She don't know who's visiting her... ...I know. I went... +...I know. I went... ...You saw her? +...You saw her? Yes. Yes, I have. +Yes. Yes, I have. You know how beautiful she was? Her husband left her, and he took her kids... They, they, they'd let you die in there. They don't care. Nobody cares. The Patriot Home, the Chronic Care... in Arlington...? They'd take her in. Perpetual care. They'd take her. Fifty thousand dollars they want. An endowment. +You know how beautiful she was? Her husband left her, and he took her kids... They, they, they'd let you die in there. They don't care. Nobody cares. The Patriot Home, the Chronic Care... in Arlington...? They'd take her in. Perpetual care. They'd take her. Fifty thousand dollars they want. An endowment. ...fifty thousand dollars? +...fifty thousand dollars? I don't want to leave her. Dick... the, the... and Father Laughlin, he said that it was God's will... +I don't want to leave her. Dick... the, the... and Father Laughlin, he said that it was God's will... ...I understand... +...I understand... My doctor told me that I got to move out West... that's when we filed in court. We didn't want to sue... +My doctor told me that I got to move out West... that's when we filed in court. We didn't want to sue... ...I understand... +...I understand... ...But Dick, he's looking for two years in Tucson... and they called him up and said to come out. He's a good man. He's only trying to do what's right. +He saw her at the Northern Care... ...and I have inquiries out to doctors, experts in the field... there is, of course, a problem getting a doctor to testify that another doctor's negligent... +We just can't do it anymore. This is our chance to get away. I'm going to see you get that chance. +What does it mean? I... I mean we, you have other tactics... We, yes. Yes. They, they present their side, and I get the same chance. To cross-examine... to... to... +We, yes. Yes. They, they present their side, and I get the same chance. To cross-examine... to... to... Are we going to win? We have, you know, other tactics, though... +Are we going to win? We have, you know, other tactics, though... Yes. +Dr. Gruber. Dr. Gruber's not in. +Dr. Gruber's not in. I had an appointment at his office, I think I must have got it wrong. We had a meeting... +I had an appointment at his office, I think I must have got it wrong. We had a meeting... He's not in, Sir. +He's not in, Sir. Where is he? +I... please. My wife... my wife's prescription has run out. If I can call him... Dr. Halpern's taking all his... +Dr. Halpern's taking all his... No, no, no. I have to talk to him. If I can only call him... +No, no, no. I have to talk to him. If I can only call him... He's... you can't reach him, Sir. He's in the, on some island in the Caribbean, they don't have a phone. He'll be back in a week... If you'd like Dr. Halpern's number... +Another, Frank...? ...everybody. Mike says, 'Pat, you mean to tell me for a buck you get a free lunch and a beer, and then you go in the back and get laid?' 'That's correct.' Mike says, 'Pat. Have you been in this bar ?' Pat says, 'No, but my sister has...' Everyone. Buy yourself one too. +I want to buy you a drink. Thanks, Franky. +Well, well, well. Huh? Yeah. +Yeah. It's a long road that has no turning. +It's a long road that has no turning. That's for sure, Frank. +Hi, Mickey... What the hell do you think you're doing...? What's going on here...? +What the hell do you think you're doing...? What's going on here...? Uh... +Uh... Fuck you. I got a call today from Sally Doneghy... +Fuck you. I got a call today from Sally Doneghy... ...now who is that...? +...now who is that...? ...You're 'sposed to be in court in ten days and she's telling me you haven't even met with them... +...You're 'sposed to be in court in ten days and she's telling me you haven't even met with them... Sally Doneghy, now who is that? +Sally Doneghy, now who is that? One lousy letter eighteen months ago... I try to throw a fuckin' case your way... +One lousy letter eighteen months ago... I try to throw a fuckin' case your way... ...hey, I don't need your charity... +...hey, I don't need your charity... ...I get these people to trust you -- they're coming here tomorrow by the way -- I get this expert doctor to talk to you. I'm doing all your fuckin' legwork -- and it's eighteen months. You're 'sposed to be in court. I bet you haven't even seen the file. +I have to talk to you. What do you want? +What do you want? Come on. Let's get a drink. +Come on. Let's get a drink. Don't touch anything. +Are you out of your mind...? ...I'm going to need your help... +...I'm going to need your help... You need my help...? You need a goddamn keeper... are you telling me that you turned down two-hundred-ten grand? Huh...? Are you nuts? Eh? Are you nuts. What are you going to do, bring her back to life? +You need my help...? You need a goddamn keeper... are you telling me that you turned down two-hundred-ten grand? Huh...? Are you nuts? Eh? Are you nuts. What are you going to do, bring her back to life? I'm going to help her. +I'm going to help her. To do what...? To do what, for chrissake...? To help her to do what? She's dead... +To do what...? To do what, for chrissake...? To help her to do what? She's dead... They killed her. And they're trying to buy it... +They killed her. And they're trying to buy it... That's the point, you stupid fuck. Let them buy it. We let them buy the case. That's what I took it for. You let this drop -- we'll go up to New Hampshire, kill some fuckin' deer... +Mick. Mick. Mick... What? +What? You -- Listen: you said to me, 'if not now, when...' +You -- Listen: you said to me, 'if not now, when...' I know what I said but not now. You won it. Franky. You won it. When they give you the money, that means that you won. We don't want to go to court -- is this getting to you...? +...he's a good man... ...he's a good man...? He's the Prince of Fuckin' Darkness... he'll have people in there testifying that the broad is well -- they saw her Tuesday on a surfboard at Hyannis... don't fuck with this case. +...he's a good man...? He's the Prince of Fuckin' Darkness... he'll have people in there testifying that the broad is well -- they saw her Tuesday on a surfboard at Hyannis... don't fuck with this case. ...I have to stand up for her... +...I have to stand up for her... Frank, but not now. Frank. You're trying to wipe out some old business. But not now. I understand. But you go call 'em back. You call the Bishop back. +Frank, but not now. Frank. You're trying to wipe out some old business. But not now. I understand. But you go call 'em back. You call the Bishop back. I have to try this case. I have to do it, Mick. I've got to stand up for that girl. I need your help. Mick, will you help me...? Will you help me...? +Who have we got? We've got her sister. Testifies she had a meal one hour before she was admitted to the hospital. This is the point. +We've got her sister. Testifies she had a meal one hour before she was admitted to the hospital. This is the point. You got the admittance form says patient ate nine hours prior to admittance. +You got the admittance form says patient ate nine hours prior to admittance. Admittance form is wrong. +Admittance form is wrong. Forget it. You can't prove it. Sister's testimony is no good. Jury knows we win she gets the cash. +Forget it. You can't prove it. Sister's testimony is no good. Jury knows we win she gets the cash. I've got my Dr. Gruber, says her heart condition means they gave her the wrong anesthetic anyway, plus she came in complaining of stomach pains... +I've got my Dr. Gruber, says her heart condition means they gave her the wrong anesthetic anyway, plus she came in complaining of stomach pains... ...Gruber's not bad. +...Gruber's not bad. Not bad...? This guy's Dr. Kildare, the jury's going to love him, Mick... And you calm down, all right? Their guy, Towler's, the author of the book, 'Methodology and Practice, Anesthesiology.' ...and they got depositions from the nurses, everybody in the operating room, the scrub-nurse... 'All these guys are God. I saw them walk on water...' They had an obstetrical nurse in there. We got a deposition from the obstetrical nurse? +Not bad...? This guy's Dr. Kildare, the jury's going to love him, Mick... And you calm down, all right? Their guy, Towler's, the author of the book, 'Methodology and Practice, Anesthesiology.' ...and they got depositions from the nurses, everybody in the operating room, the scrub-nurse... 'All these guys are God. I saw them walk on water...' They had an obstetrical nurse in there. We got a deposition from the obstetrical nurse? No. +No. 'Mary Rooney, forty-nine. Lives in Arlington, still working at the hospital.' Can you get out tomorrow? How come she isn't speaking up. +'Mary Rooney, forty-nine. Lives in Arlington, still working at the hospital.' Can you get out tomorrow? How come she isn't speaking up. Right. +Right. Okay now. Cases: Smith versus State of Michigan. +Okay now. Cases: Smith versus State of Michigan. Right. +Right. Brindisi versus Electric Boat. +Brindisi versus Electric Boat. You got a good memory, Franky. +You got a good memory, Franky. I had a good teacher. McLean versus Urban Transport... +Jimmy? Bushmills. Lookit, do me a favor. I'll buy you a drink tomorrow. Yeah? And what are you going to do tonight? +Yeah? And what are you going to do tonight? I'm going to get laid. +Been a long time, huh...? I'm getting it back. Don't worry about me, Mick. I'm fine. D'you find the obstetric nurse? +I'm getting it back. Don't worry about me, Mick. I'm fine. D'you find the obstetric nurse? Mary Rooney. She won't talk to me. I tried her at the hospital. I'm going to try her back at home. Read this. +So what? So what...? The best is yet to come. Check the TV Guide. They got our Dr. Towler on a panel on GBH on Friday: 'The Healing Hand. The Experts Speak.' +So what...? The best is yet to come. Check the TV Guide. They got our Dr. Towler on a panel on GBH on Friday: 'The Healing Hand. The Experts Speak.' They still have to take it to a jury. +What I'm saying, they're getting some help. So what do you want me to do? Concannon's going to try the case his way, I'm going to try it mine. You want me to go wee wee wee all the time because he's got some flack, got stories in the newspaper. I'm going to win this case. +John: gimme a cuesta-ray. Oh shit, what's today? +Oh shit, what's today? Today is Tuesday. What? +Today is Tuesday. What? I've got to go see Gruber. What's the best cigars you have? +I've got to go see Gruber. What's the best cigars you have? Give 'em a box of Macanudos. +Give 'em a box of Macanudos. Mickey: I'm supposed to meet somebody at O'Rourke's, I can't make it. +What happened, Joey...? I can't talk now. +I can't talk now. D'you meet with Dr. Gruber...? +Yeah? How's our new witness? D'you find the obstetric nurse? +D'you find the obstetric nurse? She's workin' the late shift at the Hospital. She's at home now, I'm going over there to talk to... +She's workin' the late shift at the Hospital. She's at home now, I'm going over there to talk to... Gimme the address. I'm gonna go. We're going to need her. +How are you holding up? I'm swell. +I'm swell. And all we've got is a witch doctor! +And all we've got is a witch doctor! Yeah. +Okay. What do you do when you don't have a witness? You use their witness. +You use their witness. That's right. +That's right. I think we tried that. The case is over. +Are you with me... are you awake...? Yeah. I'm awake. +Yeah. I'm awake. Rooney's protecting someone. Who is she protecting? +Rooney's protecting someone. Who is she protecting? The Doctors. +The Doctors. She's protecting the Doctors she'd be up there on the stand... +She's protecting the Doctors she'd be up there on the stand... Read me what she said. +'You guys are a bunch of whores... uh... loyalty... you don't care who gets hurt... you don't have any loyalty...' ...one of the other nurses? +...one of the other nurses? Who? They're all testifying. Everybody who was in the O.R.'s going to take the stand. +Who? They're all testifying. Everybody who was in the O.R.'s going to take the stand. All right. Who wasn't in the O.R.? +All right. Who wasn't in the O.R.? What difference can that make...? All right... +Uh... the admitting nurse... What did she do? +What did she do? She didn't do anything. She took the patient's history and signed the charts. 'K.C.' 'Kathy Costello...' +She didn't do anything. She took the patient's history and signed the charts. 'K.C.' 'Kathy Costello...' The 'History'...? +The 'History'...? How old are you, how many children... when did you last eat... +We don't have anything from the Nurse Association? The broad has disappeared... +The broad has disappeared... The Hospital...? +...yeah... good... ...you need some old forms that she had... somebody's dying... +...four years ago... Hello. This is Mr. Dorchester in Records. We're looking for Kathy Costello... +Hello. This is Mr. Dorchester in Records. We're looking for Kathy Costello... I need a cigarette! She left my office four years ago, we're looking for a chart... I need a cigarette... +What the hell are you doing here? We got to talk. +What are you doing in New York...? Come on, we'll get a cup of coffee... +I talked to Johnnie White at the Bar Association. The broad used to work for one of Concannon's partners in New York awhile ago. She wanted to move to Boston. How badly did she hurt us, Joe? I don't know. +We got a mistrial, you know. Joe -- did you hear what I said...? I don't want a mistrial. +I spoke to her, and everything is all right. I, what are you talking about? I talked to her this morning, and she said... +I, what are you talking about? I talked to her this morning, and she said... She told me. +She told me. She did? +She did? I just saw her. +I just saw her. In New York? +In New York? What? +What? You saw Kat in New York... ...or is she in town? Is she in town...? +Dr. Towler... Yes. +Yes. You have a record of what happened in the operating room... +You have a record of what happened in the operating room... Yes, that's correct. +Yes, that's correct. ...there are notations every thirty seconds... +...there are notations every thirty seconds... Yes. +Yes. ...of the procedures... +...of the procedures... Yes, the roving nurse... +Yes, the roving nurse... But those notations stop... ...Four-and-one-half minutes after Deborah Ann Kaye's... +But those notations stop... ...Four-and-one-half minutes after Deborah Ann Kaye's... We, we were rather busy... +We, we were rather busy... Four-and-one-half minutes after her heart stopped. And they resume seven minutes... +Four-and-one-half minutes after her heart stopped. And they resume seven minutes... As I've said we had some more... +As I've said we had some more... ...they start again three minutes earlier... +...they start again three minutes earlier... We had rather more important things on our mind than taking notes. We were trying to restore her... +We had rather more important things on our mind than taking notes. We were trying to restore her... What happened in those three... +What happened in those three... ...we were trying to restore her heartbeat. +...we were trying to restore her heartbeat. What happened in those three minutes...? +What happened in those three minutes...? We'd gone to 'Code Blue,' we were administering electro... +We'd gone to 'Code Blue,' we were administering electro... Why did it take that long to get her heartbeat... +Brain damage could have been... it didn't necessarily take nine minutes, it could have been caused in two... Wait, wait, wait, you're saying that her brain damage could have been caused by her being deprived of oxygen for two minutes...? +Wait, wait, wait, you're saying that her brain damage could have been caused by her being deprived of oxygen for two minutes...? Yes. +Yes. Huh. And why is that? +Huh. And why is that? Because she was anemic. It's right there on her chart. Her brain was getting less oxygen anyway... +Franky can't make it. He had an appointment he forgot, he's going to see you later. I'm Mickey Morrissey, we're supposed to get to know each other. How'm I doing so far? +How'm I doing so far? So far you're great. You got a cigarette? +Stearns, Harrington, you know who that is? Should I? +Should I? A huge law firm. Okay? They put him in the firm, he's married, everything's superb. Franky, he's starting to talk like he comes from Dorsetshire, some fuckin' place, 'You must drop by with Pat and me...' Okay...? +A huge law firm. Okay? They put him in the firm, he's married, everything's superb. Franky, he's starting to talk like he comes from Dorsetshire, some fuckin' place, 'You must drop by with Pat and me...' Okay...? Yes. +Yes. ...and he's making a billion dollars every minute working for Stearns, Harrington, and he bought a dog, and everything is rosy. Then Mr. Stearns, he tried to fix a case. +...and he's making a billion dollars every minute working for Stearns, Harrington, and he bought a dog, and everything is rosy. Then Mr. Stearns, he tried to fix a case. The Big Boy did...? +The Big Boy did...? That Frank was working on. Yeah. He thought Franky needed some help, so they bribed a juror. So Franky finds out. He comes to me in tears. He thinks that anybody who knows what a 'spinnaker' is got to be a saint. I told him 'Franky, wake up. These people are sharks. What do you think they got so rich from? Doing good?' He can't be comforted. He tells the boys at Stearns and Harrington they've disappointed him, he's going to the Judge to rat them out. +That Frank was working on. Yeah. He thought Franky needed some help, so they bribed a juror. So Franky finds out. He comes to me in tears. He thinks that anybody who knows what a 'spinnaker' is got to be a saint. I told him 'Franky, wake up. These people are sharks. What do you think they got so rich from? Doing good?' He can't be comforted. He tells the boys at Stearns and Harrington they've disappointed him, he's going to the Judge to rat them out. Huh. +Huh. Before he can get there here comes this Federal Marshal, and Franky's indicted for Jury tampering, they throw him in jail, he's gonna be disbarred, his life is over. Jimmy, gimme another drink. How are you? +Before he can get there here comes this Federal Marshal, and Franky's indicted for Jury tampering, they throw him in jail, he's gonna be disbarred, his life is over. Jimmy, gimme another drink. How are you? Me, too. +Me, too. Okay. Now, so he's in jail. He, finally, he gets to see the light, he calls up Harrington, he says he thinks he made a mistake. As if by magic, charges against him are dropped, he's released from jail. P.S. He's fired from the firm, his wife divorces him, he turns to drink and mopes around three and a half years. You like that story? +Looks almost cold now, don't it? That won't start no more fires. We might's well go home. +That won't start no more fires. We might's well go home. Yeah. No sense stayin' out here. +Yeah. No sense stayin' out here. Let's go. +It's an enemy sneak attack. Let's get outta here! Wait a minute - wait a minute!.... Bombs don't unscrew. +Wait a minute - wait a minute!.... Bombs don't unscrew. It's no meteor, that's for sure! +It's no meteor, that's for sure! Darnedest thing I ever saw - the way that's unscrewing! +We'd be the first to make contact with 'em -- see? We'd be in all the papers! +We'd be in all the papers! Hey, how about that! +Hey, how about that! We could show 'em we're friendly, huh? Walk out there with a white flag! Here - I got an old sugar sack in my car! +Hey, there - open up! Come on out! We're friends! +That explains why communication is cut the moment their machines begin to move. Madrid has just blacked out!! Nothing more coming through. +Madrid has just blacked out!! Nothing more coming through. The same thing that happened on our Pacific Coast. Anything from them yet? +Mister Secretary - if they link up with those others near Fresno... All right - I've seen enough! +There's only one thing that will stop the Martians! We've held back pre- viously because of the danger of radiation to civilians. Now there's no choice. The United Nations has voted authority to the United States. The White House will confirm an order to use the Atom bomb. Then our first target will be the initial landing place outside Los Angeles. +Then our first target will be the initial landing place outside Los Angeles. I'll request the scientists from Pacific-Tech to monitor the drop. We'll clear the area all around. After that we'll hit them all over the world. I'll have long-range bombers alerted, loaded and standing by. +Hey, you! Better get outa here! I'm looking for some Pacific-Tech professors... +I'm looking for some Pacific-Tech professors... There's nobody left around here now. +There's nobody left around here now. We had a chance...We could have stopped them! The mob stole the trucks and smashed everything up. The fools! They cut their own throats! +Hurry up! Jump in! There was a girl with them...If I could find her.... +You look kinda lost yourself. But I think I know where she'll be.... +Is that it over there? Yes...ugly looking, isn't it. +Did you see it come down? Yes...I was fishing up in the hills. +Yes...I was fishing up in the hills. You must have caught plenty with all that tackle! +You must have caught plenty with all that tackle! Oh - there were three of us. The others flew back in my plane. I don't understand why a meteor this size didn't make a bigger crater. +Oh - there were three of us. The others flew back in my plane. I don't understand why a meteor this size didn't make a bigger crater. It hit sideways and skidded in. +What's that fellow over there trying to do - dig it out? He's top man in astro and nuclear physics. He knows all about meteors! +You seem to know a lot about him. Well, I did a thesis on modern scien- tists - working for my Masters degree. +Well, I did a thesis on modern scien- tists - working for my Masters degree. Did it do you any good? +Did it do you any good? Why, sure -- I got it! Do you have a match? +Why, sure -- I got it! Do you have a match? I'm sorry. I don't smoke. +I'm sorry. I don't smoke. Forrester's the man behind the new atomic engines. They had him on the cover of 'Time'. You've got to rate to get that! +Forrester's the man behind the new atomic engines. They had him on the cover of 'Time'. You've got to rate to get that! Aw, he isn't that good...! +Aw, he isn't that good...! How can you say that when you don't know him! +I do know him...slightly. What's he like? +What's he like? Like...ah... +Well, you certainly don't look like yourself in that get-up! But I am happy to meet you anyway. I'm Sylvia Van Buren. I teach Library Science over at USC. I didn't know how to stop you...! +I didn't know how to stop you...! I might have recognized you without the beard. And you didn't wear glasses on the 'Time' cover! +I might have recognized you without the beard. And you didn't wear glasses on the 'Time' cover! They're really for long distance. When I want to look at something close... I take them off. +They've all stopped at the same time. There's only about one explanation for a thing like this..Got a pin? +How does it happen cars are running? Automobile ignitions are insulated. +The troops are certainly moving in here! Didn't you have something to do with this? I know you sent word to the Sixth Army Command! +Didn't you have something to do with this? I know you sent word to the Sixth Army Command! I just told them the local situation. Colonel Heffner's in full charge now. +I just told them the local situation. Colonel Heffner's in full charge now. You never know where you're going to wind up when you go to a square dance! +Good to see you, General. This is Pastor Collins, director of Civil Defense. Sheriff Bogany, head of the local forces ... Miss Van Buren. Would you like some coffee, General? +We can't go into town - everybody's getting out of there! I'll fly you over to Pasadena. Can you handle one of these? +Can you handle one of these? Sure...get in! +You'll hit something! Can't you go higher? No. The air's going to be full of Jets in a minute...And there they are! +I never noticed before - that's a cowboy tie.... I bought it for the square dance. I thought I ought to wear some- thing Western. +Is that... machine...? It's gone now. +It's gone now. Where are we? +Where are we? Southwest of Corona, somewhere. There must have been another cylinder down here. They've been through this whole area and cleared everybody out. There's a farmhouse. Let's see if we can find something to eat...! +I almost forget when I ate last. It looks so good.... You know, mostly I get my meals in coffee shops and restaurants. Don't you live at home? +Don't you live at home? No, on the campus. I haven't any family. +No, on the campus. I haven't any family. I come from a big one. Nine of us. All in Minnesota, except me. +I come from a big one. Nine of us. All in Minnesota, except me. I have no close folks. My parents died when I was a kid. +A big family must be fun...I imagine it makes you feel you belong to something. It does...Maybe that's why I feel kind of lost right now. +It does...Maybe that's why I feel kind of lost right now. We'll get safely out of here, don't worry. +We'll get safely out of here, don't worry. But they seem to murder everything that moves...! +But they seem to murder everything that moves...! If they're mortal, they must have mortal weaknesses. They'll be stopped -- somehow! +I've been as close to them as anyone. But not close enough for real observation... I feel like I did one time when I was small. Awful scared and lonesome...I'd wandered off - I've forgotten why - but the family and whole crowds of neighbors were hunting for me. They found me in a church. I was afraid to go in any place else. +I stayed right by the door - praying for the one who loved me best to come and find me. It was Uncle Matthew who found me. I liked him. +He liked you ... I could bawl my head off! But you're not going to. You're not the kind. You're tired, anyway. You've been up all night. You cracked up in a plane. Slept in a ditch. But you want to know something? It doesn't show on you at all. +How long was I out? Hours. I've been so scared...! +Nothing there now. It was... ...one of them! +It was... ...one of them! What was it like? +What was it like? I couldn't see much in the dark - but it was one! +I couldn't see much in the dark - but it was one! We're right in a nest of 'em! ... I've got to get a look at them. +Maybe they aren't too sure we're here. They could be as curious about us as we are about them. +They could be as curious about us as we are about them. Maybe ... Maybe they want to take us alive. +They've blocked it! It's blocked here, too! They've pushed up earth or something all around outside. Here, this way...! +Is it possible to go in right after the explosion? Yes, with these suits. We've used them before on atomic tests... Odd- looking, aren't they? +Yes, with these suits. We've used them before on atomic tests... Odd- looking, aren't they? Very futuristic. Yours doesn't really go with that butch haircut! +Very futuristic. Yours doesn't really go with that butch haircut! I could wear it longer -- but it's less trouble this way. +I could wear it longer -- but it's less trouble this way. My kid brother has one. You know why? +My kid brother has one. You know why? Yes ... Fits better in a football helmet. +Yes ... Fits better in a football helmet. How'd you guess? +How'd you guess? That's the kind of a kid brother you'd have! +The Rockies...! You'd rather get back to that big family of yours in Minnesota, wouldn't you? I wonder if they're going through this too...? +I probably wouldn't be able to get to them if I tried... You'll be all right with us.... ...for as long as anybody's got! +You'll be all right with us.... ...for as long as anybody's got! Don't let's lose each other. +That's what knocked the phones out, too. How could it happen to everybody's watch together? +How could it happen to everybody's watch together? Have you got a pocket compass? +That needle ain't pointing north! It's pointing out to the gully - where that meteor came down. +What is that gizmo?! I think that - gizmo - is a machine from another planet. +I think that - gizmo - is a machine from another planet. We better get word to the authorities and -- Look! +This Martian blood... Let's make a quick analysis and see what we've got! It might give us something. +A forlorn hope - but there is a chance. It might give us time to search out some weakness in the Martians. +It might give us time to search out some weakness in the Martians. I believe we can get a lead from their anaemic blood. +We know now that we can't beat their machines -- but we can beat them! They are mortal beings...The only question is whether we have time enough to do anything! If we get what transportation we can, and pick up instruments and books from Pacific-Tech... +Gratzman! -- Gratzman! Did you get those biotics? No. I thought you had them. +No. I thought you had them. All right. I'll get them! Go ahead - go ahead! I'll catch up with you. +I got a message for you. You're the guys from Pacific-Tech, ain't you? Right. +Right. Looks like the fishing was good. +It's about that meteor. They say it's a whopper. The District Officer phoned us at the lookout up on the summit. Thought you might be interested... It's ten or twelve miles from here - over by Linda Rosa. Are they sure it's a meteor? It didn't come down like one. +Are they sure it's a meteor? It didn't come down like one. That's right - came down in kinda spurts, didn't it? You fellers'll have to figure it out. You're scientists All I know - they say it's as big as a house and practically red hot. +That's right - came down in kinda spurts, didn't it? You fellers'll have to figure it out. You're scientists All I know - they say it's as big as a house and practically red hot. I'd like to borrow your car and take a look at it in the morning. +There's one - there's the other, and we're right between them! So is the town, I notice! +So is the town, I notice! I warned you Civil Defense people to be ready if you have to evacuate. +I warned you Civil Defense people to be ready if you have to evacuate. I just came to tell you - everyone has been alerted. +Colonel - shooting's no good! It's always been a good persuader. +It's always been a good persuader. Couldn't you try to communicate with them first - and shoot later if you have to? +General Mann -- I was told to expect you, sir. I'm Colonel Heffner. I'm here to make up a report, not to interfere with the operations you've set up. You're still in command. Clayton Forrester! I haven't seen you since Oak Ridge. +That's their position? You've certainly got them surrounded. I suppose they've neutralized all communications here. Not all. Radio is out. But our field phones are okay so far. +Not all. Radio is out. But our field phones are okay so far. And they'll go out the minute there's another ray. A cylinder reported down by Huntington Beach. That's a job for the Navy. +We will, sir! From the data - and from that picture the Air Force took earlier tonight ... ... what we've got in the gully out there is a guide ship. One lands ... Others follow later. They appear to clear an area, then drop in groups of threes, joined magnetically. Is that possible? +My orders are not to go into action unless they make a move out of there. That's because we want a chance to observe them. This is the only place we've had time to surround them with sufficient force to contain them. What happens here will be a guide to all other operations. The minute action begins and a pattern of defense develops, I'll get my report to Washington. You've deployed your forces well. +That's because we want a chance to observe them. This is the only place we've had time to surround them with sufficient force to contain them. What happens here will be a guide to all other operations. The minute action begins and a pattern of defense develops, I'll get my report to Washington. You've deployed your forces well. Thank you, sir. If they start anything, we can blast them right off the earth! +Thank you, sir. If they start anything, we can blast them right off the earth! They'll probably move at dawn. +That probably dropped half way to Pomona!...What do you think? It was nearer than that. +Uncle Matthew...this is Dr. Clayton Forrester. My uncle - Dr. Matthew Collins, pastor of the Community Church. Well-l...how do you do, Dr. Forrester! +They don't do much of anything...! There's a square dance at the social hall this evening. +They are living creatures out there. But they're not human! Dr. Forrester says they're some kind of an advanced civilization -- +But they're not human! Dr. Forrester says they're some kind of an advanced civilization -- If they're more advanced than us, they should be nearer the Creator for that reason! +Let's go back inside, Uncle Matthew. I've done about all I can do here. You go back in. Sylvia - I like that Doctor Forrester. He's a good man. +Number three to. D.O....Number three to D.O. D.O. to number three..come in. +D.O. to number three..come in. We're getting this under control. Won't need any more help. Over. +We're getting this under control. Won't need any more help. Over. Okay. Send the tanker in, but you stand by until that thing cools off. Over. +Okay. Send the tanker in, but you stand by until that thing cools off. Over. I think somebody ought to check on it. Over. +I think somebody ought to check on it. Over. Well, there's some fellows fishing at Pine Summit might be interested. They probably saw it come down. I'll let 'em know...What's it look like? +Better'n a lion farm or a snake pit. We won't have to feed it! We sell the tamales, enchiladas - hot dogs! +Must be somebody in there. Who? Where d'you think they come from! +Who? Where d'you think they come from! How would I know...! +Maybe these are not men - not like us. Everything human don't have to look like you and me.... +What'll we say to 'em? Welcome to California! +They'll understand us, all right! Sure, sure! Everybody understands you wave the white flag, you wanna be friends. +I thought you'd killed Freddy off. We did. Bad mistake. The fans are clamoring for more. So, Evil never dies, right? Anyway, a while back we got a call from Wes. He's got this idea. And who better to resurrect Freddy than his creator? +We did. Bad mistake. The fans are clamoring for more. So, Evil never dies, right? Anyway, a while back we got a call from Wes. He's got this idea. And who better to resurrect Freddy than his creator? I thought he'd stopped doing horror. +I thought he'd stopped doing horror. Believe it or not, he told me I hadn't heard from him in ten years because he hasn't had any good nightmare. They're his inspiration. But now he's got a new script in the works. +Which means he's having nightmares again? He's very excited about it. +He's very excited about it. The nightmares. +The nightmares. He's excited about the script. You should be too. It stars you. +He's excited about the script. You should be too. It stars you. Can I read it? +Can I read it? He's not showing it until it's down. But it sounds hot, and we wanted to get all our stars lined up in case it is. You and Robert got great ratings today. Which is the first thing we needed to know. +He's not showing it until it's down. But it sounds hot, and we wanted to get all our stars lined up in case it is. You and Robert got great ratings today. Which is the first thing we needed to know. You mean that was a... +You mean that was a... Sort of a trial balloon. +I don't know, Bob. I'm flattered and all, but I've got a kid, now. So? +So? So I don't know about horror. +So I don't know about horror. Come on. Kids love horror. +Come on. Kids love horror. And I...I've got other things happening. +And I...I've got other things happening. I'm sure we can match any offer. +Sweetie, you've got lots of fans, we've done market studies. You rate right up there. We've already got Chase working on a prototype for the glove. What? +What? I know. We asked him to keep it kind of surprise until we talked. Look, how about we get in touch your agent. You still with Jerry? +I know. We asked him to keep it kind of surprise until we talked. Look, how about we get in touch your agent. You still with Jerry? Yes, but... +Yes, but... We'll work something out. I'm sure you'll be happy with it. +Bob, how long has Wes been working on this script? I don't know. A couple months. Why? +I don't know. A couple months. Why? And since you've been thinking of making it. Has anything funny happened? +And since you've been thinking of making it. Has anything funny happened? I don't follow. +I don't follow. Like weird calls, by any chance? +Might as well be, Dylan. State of the art animatronics enhanced with bio- organic grafting. Bull tendons, nerve bundles from a Doberman, even half the brain of a homicidal primate was... Chase... +Just an earthquake, Dylan. Every once in a while we get a few. No biggie, really. +One of mom's cups got broken. I'm sorry. At least we're in on piece. +Dylan, it's breakfast. Not arts and crafts What? You get any sleep last night? +You get any sleep last night? More or less. Dylan, time to get dressed. I'm late. +Anything other than the obvious bothering you? Five earthquakes in three weeks is enough. +Five earthquakes in three weeks is enough. Hasn't been another call, has there? +Maybe. Or maybe I shouldn't do this interview today. You've got to get back on the horse some time. Look, you've had a nutcase making harassing phone calls. I know how scary that feels. +You've got to get back on the horse some time. Look, you've had a nutcase making harassing phone calls. I know how scary that feels. No, you don't. +No, you don't. Okay, but it still doesn't mean it can't be over with. +What if it isn't over? Maybe you should tell me your dream. +It was nothing. We were both working on some movie, and a special effects thing went horribly wrong. Terry and Chuck were...hurt. You were almost... You were even cut. You probably were half awake and saw me get nicked by that picture glass. Dreams work like that. You want me not to go on this job? +You probably were half awake and saw me get nicked by that picture glass. Dreams work like that. You want me not to go on this job? Just be careful, okay? +Just be careful, okay? I should survive two days in Palmdale supplying soap bubbles for a detergent commercial, don't you think? +I should survive two days in Palmdale supplying soap bubbles for a detergent commercial, don't you think? Guess so. +Guess so. 48 hours. Back before you know it. +Heather? Chase. Hi... +What's up? Chase, you'd better come home. +Chase, you'd better come home. Heather, I'm stuck here. Neither Chuck or Terry came in today. I can't get away! +Heather, I'm stuck here. Neither Chuck or Terry came in today. I can't get away! Chase, it's Dylan! +He's had some sort of...episode. What? What kind of episode? +What? What kind of episode? He was just acting very strange. He thinks somebody's after him, Chase. It's scary, it scared me. He was acting like... +He was just acting very strange. He thinks somebody's after him, Chase. It's scary, it scared me. He was acting like... Like what? +Like what? Like Freddy. +Like Freddy. Heather, has there been another call? +Chase. Why didn't Chuck or Terry show up? Forget those two clowns, Heather. Answer me, did you get another call from that guy or not? +Yes. I'll be there in three hours. +I'll be there in three hours. Don't speed, Chase. It's not... +Any history of epilepsy in your family? No. +No. Diabetes? +Diabetes? No. +No. Was there any trigger event? A trauma, shock or... You haven't shown him any of the films you make, have you? The horror stuff? +Was there any trigger event? A trauma, shock or... You haven't shown him any of the films you make, have you? The horror stuff? No... +Does he have to stay here over night? Absolutely. +Like what? Sometimes what a child says or fantasizes will give a clue to what ails him. Did he say anything while he was still lucid? +Ms. Langenkamp. I'm afraid there are no evening visiting hours in Intensive Care. Is he all right? +Is he all right? Dylan? He's holding well. Earlier he had some problems, he's in an oxygen tent just now... +Dylan? He's holding well. Earlier he had some problems, he's in an oxygen tent just now... Oh my God... +If these had been a few inches nearer to the wrist... What did you say you cut yourself on? It was an earthquake and it was dark. I have no idea. +It was an earthquake and it was dark. I have no idea. These look quite fresh. +These look quite fresh. They are...it happened in tonight's quake. It happened just fifteen minutes ago. You must've felt it. +Doctor... Get her back! I've got to go in! Get me a full anesthetic, STAT! +Ms. Langenkamp. I suggest you go home and get some rest. Your son is fine. He's been taken downstairs for further testing. He was just here! +He was just here! He was here. You fell asleep. We took him. You looked so exhausted, frankly, we didn't wake you. Besides, the young woman, Julie, is with him. Believe me, everything is fine. +He was here. You fell asleep. We took him. You looked so exhausted, frankly, we didn't wake you. Besides, the young woman, Julie, is with him. Believe me, everything is fine. Everything is not fine! +DO you mind... Just a quick word, Ms. Langenkamp. For Dylan's sake. +I want my kid out of here now! Very well. As soon as we gather the appropriate papers... +Very well. As soon as we gather the appropriate papers... You don't understand. If Dylan falls asleep,then... +No way he's going anywhere. He's been well sedated. He doesn't have to be awake to be on his feet. +He doesn't have to be awake to be on his feet. What? +What? He sleepwalks, you idiot! He's fully capable of walking out of this hospital. Oh my God...He thinks I've gone home... +no. You have a fever, sweetie? +You going away? Just for a few hours. Julie'll be with you. +Someone's coming. What? +Dylan, I gotta go. Forgive me? Bye. +Rex saved me. Rex? Who's Rex? +"""...as soon as the sun was up the witch made Gretel fetch the wood and kindle a fire. 'We will bake cookies first,' she said. 'I have heated the oven and kneaded the dough. Crawl in and see if the fire is blazing high enough now.' And she pushed Gretel toward the oven. The witch meant to shut the door and bake her once she was inside."" Dylan, this is too violent. I don't know why you like these stupid old tales." Finish, please! +Finish, please! This is going to give you nightmares. +This is going to give you nightmares. I like this story. +Time for sleep. Say how they find their way back home. +Tomorrow night. No. Tonight. It's important! +"""Then their father covered them with kisses and they were safe.""" They were safe and could sleep. +Who? The mean old man with the claws. +Okay, sweetie, night, night, sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite. +He's on his way. He can follow the breadcrumbs, right? +He can follow the breadcrumbs, right? Right. +Mommy's fine, Dylan. Just had a bad dream. What're you doing out of bed? Rex woke me up. He was fighting. +Dylan, you go back to sleep now. Not sleepy. +I can't sleep there, Mommy. Please! You've got to sleep, Dylan, you... +In my bed. Your bed? +Your bed? Under my covers. Kids singing, and way down there, the man...the mean man... +And...what's the man doing? Trying to get up...trying to get into our world. +Do you have to die to see God? No, I don't think so. You just have to...pray, or reach... +Why does God let there be bad things? I honestly don't know. Try to sleep, baby. +I honestly don't know. Try to sleep, baby. Can you come with me in my dreams? +Home. Home, that's right. +You okay, champ? Can we go get Rex, now? The bad man's getting awful close. +Can we go get Rex, now? The bad man's getting awful close. I know he is, sweetie. We'll both go get Rex right now. +Tell you what. I'm gonna go get Rex for you right now. You know home isn't far from here, right? Right 'cross the freeway. +Right 'cross the freeway. That's right. So I won't be long. Meanwhile Julie's gonna be right here with you. +Hurry back, please. I'm sleepy. Promise. Cross my heart. But until Mommy gets back, Dylan, whatever you do, don't fall asleep. +You saw him, didn't you, Dylan!? Coming for you... +Dylan, where's the man? Here. +What...what is that? A story? +Yes. It's a story. A story for a movie. Read me some? +You okay? I'm fine. +I'm fine. Everything went great, I thought. We really got you, didn't we? +Everything went great, I thought. We really got you, didn't we? I don't know why you didn't tell me, that's all. +In what, a romantic comedy? Just because it's a love story doesn't mean it can't have a decapitation or two. +Heather? You doing okay? Holding my own. You know that guy who was calling me all the time? He's started again. He's been putting stuff in my mail. +Holding my own. You know that guy who was calling me all the time? He's started again. He's been putting stuff in my mail. Must've read about the funeral. Sick mother. That's the last thing you need right now, I'm sure. +Must've read about the funeral. Sick mother. That's the last thing you need right now, I'm sure. It's actually been giving me Freddy nightmares. +Darker. More...evil? Yeah...how'd you know? +Yeah...how'd you know? Call it a guess... +Anyway, what I was calling about was...have you seen any of the script, by any chance? Wes won't show it until it's finished. That's what he told me, at least. I asked him at the funeral. +Wes won't show it until it's finished. That's what he told me, at least. I asked him at the funeral. When do you think it'll be done? +When do you think it'll be done? The way he's writing is so weird, who knows? I asked him how far he'd gotten at the funeral, and what was it he said...? Oh yeah, as far as Dylan trying to reach God. Weird, huh, that he'd have your kid in it? +What...happened? Quake knocked you off your feet. You got bumped pretty good, actually. +I know what he's doing is bizarre, but most of the time he seems so normal, so well adjusted. I just can't believe it's him. I mean, and not something outside, influencing him. Or is that how denial works? When it is denial. I don't think that's the case here, but if you're really worried, have a doctor check him out. You'll see, everything's fine. +You're not crazy, by the way. Thinking I saw Freddy in the grave feels pretty crazy. And jumping in... +Thinking I saw Freddy in the grave feels pretty crazy. And jumping in... You didn't jump in. +You didn't jump in. That's my memory. And it seemed absolutely real. +That's my memory. And it seemed absolutely real. Seemed, not was. +Seemed, not was. It's in my family, you know. My grandmother died in an institution... +It's in my family, you know. My grandmother died in an institution... Really? Hell, if having a screwy family made you crazy, the world'd be one colossal nuthouse. +I've never mentioned it to him. Kids know when something's bugging a parent. You've got no idea who this is calling? +Freddy, for all I know. Steady... +A man, or a boy with a deep, y'know, Freddy voice. Six weeks of this, and you're surprised you've got Freddy in your dreams? Hell, Sonny Bono says after a while he was seeing his stalker everywhere. Even at Mass. +Six weeks of this, and you're surprised you've got Freddy in your dreams? Hell, Sonny Bono says after a while he was seeing his stalker everywhere. Even at Mass. Really? +Really? Absolutely. And how many times has Letterman called the cops thinking that woman was down in his kitchen again? It gets under your skin if you let it. +Absolutely. And how many times has Letterman called the cops thinking that woman was down in his kitchen again? It gets under your skin if you let it. You really think Dylan's okay? +John Saxon. Do you have any idea what time it is? John. It's Heather. I need help! +John. It's Heather. I need help! You got it. What's happening? +You got it. What's happening? Dylan's run away from the hospital. I don't know whether he's wandering around or heading for the house. But I think Freddy's after him. I know it sounds crazy! +Dylan's run away from the hospital. I don't know whether he's wandering around or heading for the house. But I think Freddy's after him. I know it sounds crazy! You're right. That sounds crazy! +You're right. That sounds crazy! John. Will you please just look for him around the hospital? I'm gonna go right to the house. Will you help me, John? Please! +Holy... Where's Dylan?! Have you seen him? +I know how Chase really died. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Fred Krueger did it. +Fred Krueger did it. Yeah, sure. +Heather Langenkamp? Yes? +Yes? Is Chase Porter your husband? +Is Chase Porter your husband? Yes. +Yes. I'm afraid there was an accident. It appears he fell asleep while driving, ma'am. +I want to see the body. No, you don't, ma'am, it's not necessary. +No, you don't, ma'am, it's not necessary. I want to see for myself. +Studio B. Hi. This is Heather Langenkamp. +Hi. This is Heather Langenkamp. The car's no there yet? +The car's no there yet? No. I...listen, I can't make it in today. +No. I...listen, I can't make it in today. You're kidding, right? +I'm sorry, I can't. Listen, dammit. +Listen, dammit. I just can't. +Yeah, Julie, I'm sorry. I just thought...there was an earthquake, I think. Little one, but... Big truck went right by before you opened the door. Life on the Fault Line. +Heather, what is it? Dunno. Just have this feeling today... +I'll call the cops for you. You've got the number on the fridge, right? Thanks. Just give them the time he called. They're keeping a list, supposedly. Sorry. My nerves are so raw these days. +Thanks. Just give them the time he called. They're keeping a list, supposedly. Sorry. My nerves are so raw these days. 'S okay. +No, Rex is not going to die. Julie, you know where the sewing stuff is, don't you? Sure. We'll do an operation, Doctor Dylan and Doctor Julie. We'll fix him good as new. +No, I don't think that at all. How is he? They wouldn't let me... +I can tell you what the nightmares are about. They're about this...entity. Whatever you want to call it. It's old, very old, and it's taken different forms in different times. The only thing that stays the same about it is what it lives for. What's that? +What's that? Killing innocence, one way or the other. +This is still a script we're talking about, right? I think of it as sort of a nightmare in progress. +Then, in this nightmare in progress, does this thing have any weaknesses? It can be captured, sometimes. +It can be captured, sometimes. Captured? How? +Captured? How? By storytellers, of all things. Every so often, they imagine a story good enough to catch its essence. Then it's held prisoner for a while. In the story. +Like the Genie in the bottle. Exactly. The problem comes when the story dies. It happens a lot of different ways, the story gets too familiar, or too watered down by people trying to make it easier to sell, or ti's labeled a threat to society and just plain banned. However it happens, when the story dies, the evil is set free. +You saying Freddy's this ancient thing? Current version. For ten years he's been imprisoned as Freddy by the story of Nightmare on Elm Street. But now that the films have stopped- The genie's out of the bottle, Heather, that's what the nightmares are about. That's what I'm writing. +If Freddy's loose, I mean, in your script, where's he going to go? Another age? Another form? That's not what the dreams say he's doing. +That's not what the dreams say he's doing. Then what is he doing? +Then what is he doing? Well, see, he's gotten used to being Freddy now. And kinda likes it here in our time and space, too. So...he's trying to cross over, from film into our reality. +Isn't there anyone that can stop him? Interestingly enough, in the dreams there is one person. A gatekeeper, so to speak. Someone Freddy's got to get by before he can enter our world. It's you, Heather. +Interestingly enough, in the dreams there is one person. A gatekeeper, so to speak. Someone Freddy's got to get by before he can enter our world. It's you, Heather. Me? Why me? +Me? Why me? Dramatically speaking it makes perfect sense. You played Nancy, after all, the first to humiliate and defeat him. +Dramatically speaking it makes perfect sense. You played Nancy, after all, the first to humiliate and defeat him. That was Nancy, not me! +That was Nancy, not me! But it was you that gave Nancy her strength. So to get out he has to come through you. And it's inevitable that he'll hit you at your most vulnerable points... +Dylan. And... Chase. My God, Wes, did you know? Heather, it's just a movie, a dream, really... +Heather, it's just a movie, a dream, really... You know damn well it's more than that now! How can we stop him? +The way to stop him is to make another movie. And I swear to you I'll stay at my computer and keep writing until I finish the script. But when that time comes... You're gonna have to make a choice. Choice? What kind of choice? +Choice? What kind of choice? Whether or not you're willing to play Nancy one last time. +I don't know if it has, really. With the exception of One and Three, I've pretty much kept out of it. I'm working in television now. The hours let me spend more time with my husband and little boy. Now that you have a child, is it possible you've decided horror is bad for children? +Now that you have a child, is it possible you've decided horror is bad for children? No, not really. I... +No, not really. I... Do you let your child watch your movies? +Do you let your child watch your movies? My child? No...but... +Of course he is. Freddy's dead and gone. And how about your co-star in NIGHTMARE I. Would you trust him alone with your child? +And how about your co-star in NIGHTMARE I. Would you trust him alone with your child? Robert? I... +Robert? I... Maybe we should ask him, hmmm? We've got a surprised, Heather. A great big surprise for you and our audience. +Yes? Heather, this is Sara Risher over at New Line. How are you? +Heather, this is Sara Risher over at New Line. How are you? Oh, hi. I'm fine, Sara. My God, a voice from the past! +Oh, hi. I'm fine, Sara. My God, a voice from the past! Really! Listen, Heather, I won't take but a minute of your time. It's just that we have something to propose to you, and wonder if you'd stop by the offices. Bob'd love to talk to you. +Really! Listen, Heather, I won't take but a minute of your time. It's just that we have something to propose to you, and wonder if you'd stop by the offices. Bob'd love to talk to you. Uh...sure...when? +Uh...sure...when? No time like the present. The car will bring you. +No time like the present. The car will bring you. Now? +Now? Just take a minute. You'll be glad you did, I bet. +Can I get you something to drink? Coffee'd be nice. +Coffee'd be nice. Sounds good. Kim, would you get Heather and me a coffee? How you like it, Hon? +Sounds good. Kim, would you get Heather and me a coffee? How you like it, Hon? Black's fine. +Black's fine. Me too. +Did we lose anybody? Not yet. +That low passed through last night. May be a little bumpy out there. It's time these boys saw some real blue water. +Looks like weather. Yep. +He would have loved this. Your father? +Your father? All his years at sea, he never stopped talking about these islands. +All his years at sea, he never stopped talking about these islands. You miss him. +I'd have liked to have said goodbye. He knows. +He knows. You sound so sure. +You sound so sure. I am about this. +What? He never would have believed a woman like you existed. +Do you remember the last time you and I danced under the stars? Guilty. +Guilty. On the deck of the Yankee, the night you asked me to marry you. We weren't much older than they are. +You may not like what you hear. I can take it. +I can take it. They've become what you wanted. They're a crew. That's why he came. +Why did we begin this? We were idealists. +We were idealists. Because we believed we could make an impact out here. Self reliance and community through the disciplines of sailing. +Because we believed we could make an impact out here. Self reliance and community through the disciplines of sailing. I haven't forgotten. +I haven't forgotten. Phil, he's not looking inside. He's just striking out at the world. +Phil, he's not looking inside. He's just striking out at the world. He has a lot of hurt inside him. +He has a lot of hurt inside him. Well, he better learn to own it. Actions have consequences. It's not what happens here Alice, it's what they take away with them. +What are they doing? Claiming their place in the world. +Oh I was walkin' down Lime street one day... Hey! Weigh! Blow the man down... +Hey! Weigh! Blow the man down... A pretty young maiden she happened my way... +A pretty young maiden she happened my way... Give me some time to blow the man down... +So to all you sailors who've fought wind and whale... Weight! Hey! Blow the man down... +Weight! Hey! Blow the man down... "She said ""None the better, you all go to hell...""" +"She said ""None the better, you all go to hell...""" Give me some time to Blow the man down! +Everyone aboard young Bill? Yes, Sir. +Yes, Sir. Good. Let's go sailing. +We'll bear off to port and run down wind. Mr. Lawford, stand by to ease the mainsheet. Rick, get on the jib sheet. George, John, Philip, Tim and Dick go aloft to unstop the forecourse. George will show you what to do. Tod, show your men the forward pinrail and stand ready on the buntlines and clewlines. Forecourse first... work upward. +Raise the inner jib! Raise the forestaysail! Watch the tell-tales Chuck. If we jibe now we'll have a lot of people in the water. +Why wasn't I made aware of this Bill? I didn't know sir. +I didn't know sir. It's your job to know. If something goes wrong up there, the other eighteen people aboard can't be wondering if he's gonna do his job or not. +Come in. Skipper, uh, the crew is pretty much doing group boot over the side. +Skipper, uh, the crew is pretty much doing group boot over the side. Well, that's all part of it. +Well, that's all part of it. We've got weather moving in from the west. +Everyone out of the rigging NOW! Everybody down! ON THE DOUBLE!! +Carry on. Yes sir. +Yes sir. North, north-east. And Dick, please make a note of our final position. +Why didn't you drop any sail? Skipper called us out of the rigging. +Skipper called us out of the rigging. But your instinct was to lose sail? +But your instinct was to lose sail? My instinct was to not get electrocuted. +My instinct was to not get electrocuted. How old are you, son? +How old are you, son? Fifteen. +Fifteen. Thank you. +Okay, here's the duty. Gieg, Weathers, Lapchick, Schucart: scrape and paint. Corry and Stricklin have the brass. Robinson, you're the Galley slave. March you're on chain gang with Barnes. Johnston, solo on bilge detail. Butler, what'd I ever do to you? +Butler, what'd I ever do to you? You came back, Tod. You came back. +It didn't go over 'til I turned her starboard! It was an act of God for Christ's sake. +There's still a way. What do you mean? +What do you mean? It's me, don't you see. Terry's right, I'm the escape hatch. I disobeyed order. +Make us proud. Yes sir. +Where's Mom? I couldn't bring her down here until I knew you were safe. +I thought we'd find a store, get you fixed up and then get you some lunch. That sound good? Yeah, sure. +Why don't you go and try some of that on? Okay. +Fine. All right. I'm gonna wander over and look at some shoes... +When we were growing up I always felt like you would take care of things, that everything would be okay. But you can't make this okay, can you? No, I can't. +Albatross? Yeah. +Yeah. Rick March. Who the hell are you? +Rick March. Who the hell are you? Gieg, Chuck. +Gieg, Chuck. Look, meet us out front when you're through. If they try to take anything away from you like Johnny Quest up there, just make a list and we'll have 'em send it down to the boat. +Look, meet us out front when you're through. If they try to take anything away from you like Johnny Quest up there, just make a list and we'll have 'em send it down to the boat. Whatever. +"What the ""Bowsprit Affair""?" Well, Romeo here was on harbor watch and managed to sweet talk one of the local girls to have a go in the bowsprit. +She isn't that old. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I mean she looks pretty damn good in her all-together for being thirty. +I walked in on my parents one time. It was only like eight o'clock and they were in bed and I thought that was kinda weird so I just walked in. That's what they get for not locking the door. +That's what they get for not locking the door. So I'm standing there and you could hear a pin drop. No breathing or snoring... Suddenly it hits me that somethin' was goin' on that just stopped, really fast, like people are holding their breath. +Yeah. My old man split along time ago. It doesn't mean anything. You just take care of number one that's all that matters. +Where you going? To take a piss. +Yeah, that's right. You wanna come in and shake it for me? If you're gonna cheat, you might as well copy off somebody who's gonna get the answer right. +If you're gonna cheat, you might as well copy off somebody who's gonna get the answer right. You've gotta be kidding. Get the fuck outta my way! +I cheated to get on the boat!!! All right?! What? +I doctored my grades so I'd make the cut. I'm a moron, okay? You satisfied?! You're not a moron. +You're not a moron. Wanna bet? Takes me half a day to get through one chapter of Lawford and I still don't have any idea what the hell he's talkin' about. You know why it takes me so long to write papers? because I can't spell. While everybody else is sleeping, I'm in the rack with a flashlight and a dictionary. +They were gonna put me into special- ed this year. I stole a copy of my transcript, changed all the grades. Shit, who am I kidding. I'll never pass the boards. Listen, you don't cheat, and we'll make sure you get the grades. We'll start a private study group. Nobody knows. You'll ace that test. +Bregitta. Do you believe it? Believe what? +Believe what? Her name. Bregitta. It's poetry. +You okay? Yeah. How'd you do. +Ninety-six. Congratulations. +Congratulations. What about you? +It's a ninety-one! It's an 'A'! I know. +I know. You know? Then why are you up here looking like you're about to jump overboard?! +You know? Then why are you up here looking like you're about to jump overboard?! I just can't believe it. +I just can't believe it. This is your moment, don't you see? The instant when you know that your life is never going to be the same again. When you stand up and are counted. +I couldn't have done it without you. Yes you could. You did. This is all you. Nobody else. +Feels different doesn't it? What? +What? That we're going back. I don't want it to end. I don't want to be what I was when I left. +That we're going back. I don't want it to end. I don't want to be what I was when I left. What was that? +What was that? Anonymous. +I've been getting ninety-sixes my whole life. It's what they expect. After all this, I still haven't figured it out. Figured what out? +Figured what out? Who I am, outside of this boat. What the hell I'm doing here. +Who I am, outside of this boat. What the hell I'm doing here. I'll tell you who you are. You're the glue. You're the thing that holds everybody around you together. You're strong, you listen and you see things in people the rest of us can't. It's a gift. +You know, I never had friends like this. Me either. +Me either. I feel like... we can do anything. +You gonna jump? Or are you just having a last look? I was just thinking that I never had a new pair of shoes till I was twelve. +I was just thinking that I never had a new pair of shoes till I was twelve. It's no my fault I was born first. Besides, nobody ever sent me on an eight month vacation, so ease up on the sad sack stuff. +It's no my fault I was born first. Besides, nobody ever sent me on an eight month vacation, so ease up on the sad sack stuff. It's not a vacation, it's private school. +It's not a vacation, it's private school. I thought this was your dream come true. +I thought this was your dream come true. That's not why he's sending me. +That's not why he's sending me. Why then. +Why then. Because it looks good. +"I'm just not like you. Ya know? I'm never going to go to Yale. I'm never going to be ""William""." Nobody says you have to be like me. +Nobody says you have to be like me. He does. +He does. You don't give him enough credit Chas. +Hey, shut up will ya? It was a bad dream... +God damn it man. I think he broke my nose! Shut up, Phil. +Yeah, but how are you supposed to make the first move? Like this! +Why'd you do it? What's the difference? +What's the difference? You only hurt yourself you know? +You only hurt yourself you know? Like you really care. Like any of you give a shit what happens to me. +Can we talk? I guess. +Everybody's saying this whole tribunal is happening because of your father. Because of you. Well that's just typical isn't it? +Well that's just typical isn't it? Is it true Phil? +Is it true Phil? I gotta go. +I gotta go. You weren't there, you don't know what happened. +You weren't there, you don't know what happened. I know enough. +Sorry to here it. Well, and it's pretty cool too, ya know? Bein' here together an all... +Listen man, I think I have a problem. We all have problems. +We all have problems. I'm pissin' fire man. +You taking the order wouldn't have changed anything. They don't know that. We were the only one's on deck. Look, there's nothing they can do to me right? I'm a kid. +They don't know that. We were the only one's on deck. Look, there's nothing they can do to me right? I'm a kid. But that's not the point... +But that's not the point... That is the point... And Skipper'll slip off the hook. +Honey, did you know that the Albatross was captured by the Germans during World War II? No, I didn't. +No, I didn't. It says she was originally Schooner rigged, but Captain Sheldrake turned her into a brigantine. I think square rigs look so much more romantic. +It says she was originally Schooner rigged, but Captain Sheldrake turned her into a brigantine. I think square rigs look so much more romantic. Me too. +Do you have your ticket? Yes. +Yes. Passport? +Passport? Look, I just better go. +Goodbye Mom. I'll be okay. I know you will. +What the hell is going on? Maybe it's an air raid. +Jesus. I can't watch this. +How ya doing? Fine. +Fine. Good. +Good. Look, I appreciate, you know, the concern and all, but like he said, I can take care of myself. +Look, I appreciate, you know, the concern and all, but like he said, I can take care of myself. I just brought you something to eat. +I feel like I got you into this. Forget it. +Forget it. I'm used to spending a lot of time alone. I guess that's what I thought it would be out here. But, it's not is it? +I'm used to spending a lot of time alone. I guess that's what I thought it would be out here. But, it's not is it? I'm sorry I left you hanging up there. +I'm sorry I left you hanging up there. It doesn't matter. Really. I'm just sorry you got chewed out. +You think Skipper and Alice do it? Do what? +Do what? "Ya know... ""It""." +"Ya know... ""It""." That's like wondering if your mom and dad do it. Who wants to know? +No way! Come on man, what'd they look like? +So... What happened? "My mother says in this really low, but very awake kind of voice ""What?""" +What'd you do? "I said ""Sorry, wrong room"" and walked away." +My parents don't do it anymore. How do you know? They might. +How do you know? They might. 'Cause they're getting a divorce. That's why they sent me here. My sister's at Tabor. They just wanted us out of the house so they could get down to business. +Where are you from any way? Depths of hell... Ohio. How 'bout you? +Depths of hell... Ohio. How 'bout you? Kennet Square, PA. 'Mushroom capital of the world'. +It was so real... Here's the thing; whenever you're having a nightmare, all you have to do is say 1-2-3 wake up! You'll be out of it. You'll wake up. +Who told you that? My dad. +My dad. It works? +It works? Swear to God. Only good advice he ever gave me. Now, go back to sleep. +That's how he died you know. Who? +Who? My brother. He fell out of the old beech tree. Broke his neck. I was on a camp out. They started going at it, throwin' things, a real knock down... They didn't find him 'till the next morning. They didn't even know why he was up there. +My brother. He fell out of the old beech tree. Broke his neck. I was on a camp out. They started going at it, throwin' things, a real knock down... They didn't find him 'till the next morning. They didn't even know why he was up there. Jesus, you never told them? +Jesus, you never told them? I couldn't. +What are they doing? I can't make it out? +I can't go in there. What are you talking about. +Hold her steady into the wind. Southwest by west. Yes sir. +Yes sir. Gentleman, when you hear an order, sing out. I want to know that you've heard and understand. Raise the mainsail. +Ah... Northeast... sir. Speak up boy! +Northeast sir! Unfurl the squares! +Yes, sir. All stop on the engine. +You all right? It was my fault. I slipped. +Remember something, sooner or later... we all have to face it. Face what? +Uh, huh. Would you, um, say it's a big storm? +Would you, um, say it's a big storm? Sometimes it gets exciting out here. +Shouldn't we turn away? You can't run from the wind son. You trim your sails, face the music and let the chips fall. Bill, let's close her up, dog, tight. +What's on your mind? I'm here on behalf of the crew, sir. +Well, spit it out. The fact is... We'd like you to give Phil another chance. +Can't do it. Sir...? +Sir...? Close the door. Sit down. +Why do you think I'm sending him home? He killed the dolphin. +The Dolphin was a symptom. Of what? +Of what? Of a fight he can't win out here. +Of a fight he can't win out here. It's his father sir. He's suffocating him. We've all seen it... +I mean he has all these expectations and he doesn't even know who his own kid is. What right did then have to show up here? They have every right Chuck. +They have every right Chuck. They send us because they want us to change, or grow up or something and then they try to keep us the same. +Does Phil know how you guys feel? I don't know. +I don't know. You should tell him. That's something he can take with him. +Chicken is a fool's game captain. So is violating international law. +So is violating international law. But you invited is aboard. +But you invited is aboard. Your cannons made a compelling argument. +Stow away? He left his passport in Curacao. It's being mailed to Panama. +He left his passport in Curacao. It's being mailed to Panama. That is unfortunate. We'll have to take him with us. +Why didn't you turn hard to port as the wind hit? I thought we'd have a better chance if I headed into the wind so we could spill air from our sails. +But the Captain ordered you hard to starboard. Twice. +Twice. Is that what you were trained to do? +Is that what you were trained to do? No. +No. Then what do you think he was trying to do. +Then what do you think he was trying to do. Let the blow drive the boat down wind. Neutralize our canvas. +So when the captain gave you an order contrary to your training, you thought he was making a mistake? No. +Albatross? Doesn't inspire a lot of confidence. Oh, on the contrary, the Albatross is considered a very good omen. It is said they embody the spirits of sailors passed on. It's very bad luck if you kill one. And dolphins too. +I'm Francis Boutillier. This is my son, Philip. I know. +Your cable said you wouldn't be putting out until mid-October. As you can see, there's a lot to do. +As you can see, there's a lot to do. Indentured servitude is not what my son had in mind. +Indentured servitude is not what my son had in mind. This is a working ship. Promptness is not a luxury, it's a necessity, as is the work to maintain her. Had we been ready, I can assure you we would have sailed. +And I would have expected compensation for my time and expense coming all the way down here. Happily, it all worked out... This time. Bill, take Philip below and help him find a bunk. +I'll be frank with you. This was his mother's idea. A romp through the Caribbean on a sailboat sounds more like a vacation than an education if you ask me. It will be more than that, I can promise you. +It will be more than that, I can promise you. Take good care of my son. +We'll do our best. You're welcome to say goodbye. He's a big boy. +Well, we thought we'd drop in and see if you were all still in one piece. And, of course, we are. +And, of course, we are. Well, you never can tell these days, can you? +What is it we can do for you today? Well, we've come to give our boy a little break from the monotony. +What's wrong, you don't like steak? I should be eating with the crew. +I should be eating with the crew. Humor me. Eat it anyway. +Humor me. Eat it anyway. Why are you here? +Spying?! I can take care of myself. +I can take care of myself. Oh, really? +Oh, really? Look, you put me on this boat in the first place. I didn't want to come but I did. Why do you have to embarrass me. Why can't you just leave me alone? +Listen to me, you thankless little prick. We're your parents, so don't you dare talk to me disrespectfully. What the hell is it, this captain? Because I'll see him in a rowboat... It has nothing to do with him. +It has nothing to do with him. Well, what does it have to do with? Us? +Well, what does it have to do with? Us? No. Look, it's me okay? Can't it just be about me? For once? +Who is it Philip? It's okay. I'll be in, in a minute. Look, what do you want? +I think you were too hard on Weathers. You do? +You do? Yes. I do. +I need to know what I'm working with; what their boundaries are. Their lives depend on it, and for that matter so does yours. We've got to bring them together. Make them a crew. We're as strong as our weakest link and I don't want to find that out the hard way. So, I will challenge them and they will come together. Yes sir. +Yes sir. You know the best thing about being a Skipper is the worst thing. It's all my responsibility. So I'll tell you what George, you stay off of my bridge, and I'll stay out of your galley. We'll get along that way. +What?! What's happening?!! You're officer of the watch, George. +You're officer of the watch, George. I'm sorry, Skip. It's this damned book. Lawford gave it to me. +Son-of-a-bitch. We're short one long boat too. Come on. +I guess we know what the next acquisition for the galley is going to be... What's that? +What's that? A padlock. +Immortality. Spirits have a way of bringing that out. +Spirits have a way of bringing that out. And being sixteen. +And being sixteen. They're in a hurry to grow up. They don't know about consequences or responsibility. That's being sixteen too. I promise you one thing... +They're in a hurry to grow up. They don't know about consequences or responsibility. That's being sixteen too. I promise you one thing... What's that? +What's that? They'll know about it in the morning. +Jesus. She's got guns. She's Cuban. +They think we're carrying Cuban refugees. Skipper, they mean to board us. Not a chance. Remind them that according to the Geneva Convention, firing on a civilian vessel on the high sea is an act of war. +Oh Jesus, oh Jesus. Man I knew we shouldn't have gone. I tried to tell you. I tried to tell you. You guys made me come! You made me come!! Will you shut up? You sound like my fucking sister. +Yeah, well you're really gonna have some bad dreams if we find out you didn't. That's enough. +That's enough. How the hell are we gonna get outta here? +How the hell are we gonna get outta here? We'll think of something. +We'll think of something. Oh, praise the lord. Relax everybody. Everything is under control. The jug head's going to think of something. +Hell, they even kicked me outa vo- tech 'cause I couldn't read a slide rule. I can show you how to use a slide rule. +Me, too. Why would you do that? +Jesus! What the hell happened to him. Lemme go! Lemme go!! +What's your problem? Why'd you jump? +Why'd you jump? Because I felt like it. What do you care? +Because I felt like it. What do you care? I couldn't do it. +I couldn't do it. Well, as soon as you grow some balls, let me know. +Don't ever call me stupid. Come on, he didn't mean anything. +I'll read it. I mean I don't mind. Shut up donut. +"If you've got ""a broad"" available I'll take her." Like you'd know what to do with one. +How would you know? Trust me donut. I know. +Trust me donut. I know. What? Come on... +What? Come on... On the dog watch, night after the storm, I look down into the skylight above Skipper's cabin and there she was, peelin' down. +Damn, Porkchop, you sound just like a guy who ain't never seen a pair. I've seen 'em. I've seen 'em. +They tell you that? I figured it out. +It matters to me. Okay donut. Whatever you say. +Why, man? I don't have to listen to this. +I don't. You will if you wanna eat. Right George? +That's not a satisfactory answer. Look, save it for somebody else will ya. This ancient shit doesn't have anything to do with me. +Much have I traveled in realms of gold/ And many goodly states and kingdoms seen/ Round many western islands have I been/ Which bards in fealty to Apollo hold/ Oft of one wide expanse had I been told/ That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne. You know what he is talking about here? +This isn't just a story!! It's history made allegory. It is a philosophical handbook for life! It holds the secret of this very voyage. What is it... the secret? +What? If it were only that simple, my young friend. Read on, gentlemen. Read on. +The rust won't wait for you to read Conrad, Goodall. Then he shouldn't have written such a long poem, Mr. Lawford. +Then he shouldn't have written such a long poem, Mr. Lawford. Read on, young John. Read on. College boards are coming. +Well, that was neighborly. He didn't get to be Under Secretary of the Air Force by being neighborly. +What's wrong Mr. Lawford. It seems we're short on singers. +Tie it off!! Outer. +What do you think? Barometer's dropping. The first blow'll come from the south. Might get interesting. +We've got a problem. What's that? +What's that? Terry left his passport in Curacao. We could hide him... +Terry left his passport in Curacao. We could hide him... No. Bring him on deck with the others. +If he's a Cuban, Castro wears a dress. Nobody aboard my ship is going anywhere. +You gotta be kidding? He's a human chum line! No self respecting shark is gonna take a bite out of you. +They're waving... handkerchiefs or something. What? +Fuck off man. It's just a fish. No, Phil. It's a mammal. +You're the one who doesn't care, Phil. It hurts too much to care. +It hurts too much to care. About yourself? +About yourself? About anything. +How long you been standing there? Long enough. +What are we supposed to talk about? You've gotta be kidding? +You've gotta be kidding? But, they don't speak English. +But, they don't speak English. There are some things that everybody does in the same language. +Phil. What are you doing? Fandango, Junior. I'm gonna do some limbo baby!! +Fandango, Junior. I'm gonna do some limbo baby!! No way Phil. Not like this. +No way Phil. Not like this. Roger Meris, steps up, it's a corker down the pipe... +It's outta here! Come on man. Let's just talk about it. +I don't know. We gotta get 'im outta here before Skipper sees him like this. Son of a bitch!! +You're a day late. We keep a schedule aboard ship. Lives depend on it. Hello, Philip. Sir. +Suicidal... The first thing is I don't like people talking when I'm talking so the two of you, shut up. +Do you have something to say? No. +No. Then keep your mouth shut. +No, sir. Excellent. Bill, find Mr. Weathers a position to suit his condition. +Do me a favor and tell Bill once she's dogged down I want everyone to break out their slickers and make sure their gear is stowed or we'll spend the next week sorting underwear. Lawford, Bill, Mike, John, and Phil will stand the watch. Everyone else hit the racks. I'm not staying out here. +I have arranged to host a good will cruise for the Dutch students of the local school there. Joy, rapture... +Joy, rapture... Each one of you will be responsible for one student. I'll expect you to be courteous. You represent this school and your country. We'll sail in the morning. +I'm not gonna kill it. You already have. Now go on. Do it. +Swing up, son. What? +What? Up you go. Right now. +What's it going to be? I'm sorry... +I'm sorry... Sorry won't cut it. +What are you blubbering about? I don't know... +Don't look down. Look in my eyes! Climb! We'll do it together. I can't. +I can't. You climb damn it, or so help me I'll haul you to the foretop by your diaper and leave you there! +You climb damn it, or so help me I'll haul you to the foretop by your diaper and leave you there! Aaauuuhhh!!! +Are you hating this?! Are you! I hate you, you son of a bitch!!! +I hate you, you son of a bitch!!! No. Hate the fear inside of you! Climb like a man mister! Hate it! Hate it away. Hate your way up one more rung!! Do it right now!! +Is it true that you forced Robin Weathers to climb the mast when it was clear that he was acrophobic. He climbed when he was ready. +He climbed when he was ready. Were you aware that his brother was killed in a fall. +Sir, were you aware at any time of the use of alcohol among the crew. Yes, I was. +No. What makes you so sure it was one? +What makes you so sure it was one? I can't be sure. +I can't be sure. You really felt that your crew were up for the conditions. +You really felt that your crew were up for the conditions. We'd come twelve thousand miles together, through every kind of seas imaginable... +We'd come twelve thousand miles together, through every kind of seas imaginable... "Except, a ""White Squall"". With all due respect Captain Sheldrake, they're only boys..." +"Except, a ""White Squall"". With all due respect Captain Sheldrake, they're only boys..." They are much more than that, sir. +They are much more than that, sir. Is it true that the reason you expelled Philip Boutillier... +Is it true that the reason you expelled Philip Boutillier... For killing a dolphin. +For killing a dolphin. ... and that you invited him to strike you? To fight it out on the deck of your ship?! +Yes, that's true. Do you think this is funny? Some kind of joke? You lost six people out there. +Do you think this is funny? Some kind of joke? You lost six people out there. I don't think one second of this is funny, sir. +Yes. Isn't also true that his vessel went down off of Nantucket? Lost everyone on board. In fair weather no less. +There are allegations questioning your competence with regard to the command of the Albatross. I have been instructed to convene a formal tribunal to determine whether or not negligence played a part in the sinking. I understand. +I understand. May I ask you something? +How'd you manage to piss off a guy as powerful as Francis Boutillier? It wasn't hard. +It wasn't hard. I used to helm a school ship. A long time ago. +I used to helm a school ship. A long time ago. The Coast Guard 'Eagle'. She never lost a race while you were Skipper. +The families... want your ticket. Turn it in, we forget the whole thing. Everybody goes home. ... Absolutely not. +... Absolutely not. The papers are going to eat you alive. Even if you beat it, you'll never get another commission. They want someone to be accountable. +The papers are going to eat you alive. Even if you beat it, you'll never get another commission. They want someone to be accountable. I am accountable. +And you didn't do anything about it? No. I didn't. +If this young man had responded instantly to your command, do you believe the ship might have been spared? I don't know that anything could have prevented what happened. +I don't know that anything could have prevented what happened. Then what are you trying to say then? +"Soon as we ship it'll be ""forgetta""." Don't mind him, Chucky. You're talking to a guy whose idea of big romance is a palm full of Vaseline. +Don't mind him, Chucky. You're talking to a guy whose idea of big romance is a palm full of Vaseline. Screw you, Valentino. I haven't seen you swapping spit with anybody. +Easy for you to say. What's that supposed to mean?! +What's that supposed to mean?! Everybody knows why she went over Tod. You jibed the boat. +Everybody knows why she went over Tod. You jibed the boat. I was trying to get her up wind! That's what you do when you're hit a-beam. Or maybe you're too stupid to know that! +I was trying to get her up wind! That's what you do when you're hit a-beam. Or maybe you're too stupid to know that! That's not what Skipper thought. He was trying to spill air from the main! +Come in, Montgomery, Alabama. Artie? That you, Artie? +Artie? That you, Artie? Yes, ma'am. What's on your almost- perfect mind this evening? +Yes, ma'am. What's on your almost- perfect mind this evening? How ya feelin', Artie? I heard you wasn't doin' too well recent. +How ya feelin', Artie? I heard you wasn't doin' too well recent. I'm fine, thank you. I had a cardiac infarction but I'm on a new diet and exercising regularly. I've never felt better. +I'm fine, thank you. I had a cardiac infarction but I'm on a new diet and exercising regularly. I've never felt better. Well, that's so good to hear, Artie. You know some of us depend on you down this way. You're so entertainin' and you get so many interestin' guests. +Well, that's so good to hear, Artie. You know some of us depend on you down this way. You're so entertainin' and you get so many interestin' guests. Thank you. It's listeners such as yourself who made me want to get up out of that hospital bed and back into the studio as fast as I could. +I can dig this music... But not that singer. Why? He's right in the groove. +Why? He's right in the groove. He's so ugly. Guys with beards and beer guts ain't quite my type. +He's so ugly. Guys with beards and beer guts ain't quite my type. Seein's how you're about as thick as a used string of unwaxed dental floss, don't know how you can criticize. +Seein's how you're about as thick as a used string of unwaxed dental floss, don't know how you can criticize. Yeah, well, if he says that all that flab turns into dick at midnight, he's a liar. +Meetin' him at the gate. That phone call this afternoon was the signal. My deranged mama's hid the keys to my car. But of course, I know exactly where they are. I didn't hate me so much, I'd feel better wishin' you luck. +I didn't hate me so much, I'd feel better wishin' you luck. Can't all husbands be perfect, and your Elmo prob'ly wouldn'ta ever got that second one pregnant, you hadn't kicked his ass out. +Can't all husbands be perfect, and your Elmo prob'ly wouldn'ta ever got that second one pregnant, you hadn't kicked his ass out. "So you're gonna be needin' the ""blue- bird"" pretty soon?" +"So you're gonna be needin' the ""blue- bird"" pretty soon?" Real soon... I'll be makin' the swap tomorrow, and thanks again, Beany. +Sorry, gentlemen. I'm 'most finished on my shoppin' here. This be it? +This be it? Y'all take American Express? +Y'all take American Express? Yessir. +Yessir. Then lemme throw in a couple more things. +I'd just soon have a paper bag rather than a plastic one, if it's same to you. We don't have no paper bags. +What's Cao Ben? How old are you? +How old are you? Twenty. +Hey, pretty woman... Sailor here? No, he's out changin' the oil in the car. +No, he's out changin' the oil in the car. Man, I gotta take a piss bad... Can I use your head there? +Man, I gotta take a piss bad... Can I use your head there? Well... Yeah - okay. +Well... Yeah - okay. I don't mean your head head - I'm not gonna piss on your head - your hair an' all... Just piss in the toilet. Y'all take a listen - here a deep sound comin' down from Bobby Peru. +Hey... You gotta smell in this room of puke... You been pukin' in here, little girl? Huh?... You sick?... Pregnant? You used the toilet, now you can go - what I do around here ain't any of your business, that's for sure. +You used the toilet, now you can go - what I do around here ain't any of your business, that's for sure. You know, I really do like a woman with tits like yours that talks tough and acts like she can fuck like a bunny... Can you fuck like that?... You like it like a bunny?... Huh?... Cause baby, I'll fuck you like a real good like a big ol' jack-rabbit bunny... Jump all around in that hole... Bobby Peru doesn't come up for air. +You know, I really do like a woman with tits like yours that talks tough and acts like she can fuck like a bunny... Can you fuck like that?... You like it like a bunny?... Huh?... Cause baby, I'll fuck you like a real good like a big ol' jack-rabbit bunny... Jump all around in that hole... Bobby Peru doesn't come up for air. Get out. +Get out. Am I scarin' ya?... Your pussy wet?... Come on... is it?... Hey, don't jump back so slow... I thought you was a bunny... Bunny jump fast - you jump back slow... Mean somethin', don't it?... Means somethin' to me... Means you want Bobby Peru... You want Bobby Peru to fuck you hard baby - open you up like a Christmas present. +"Bobby Peru grab you now... Hold you tight... Feel everythin' in you now... Stay quiet... Say ""fuck me"" and then I'll leave." No way... GET OUT!!! +No way... GET OUT!!! "Say it!... I'LL TEAR YOUR FUCKIN' HEART OUT, GIRL... Say ""fuck me"" soft - then I'll leave. Say ""fuck me""... Whisper it... Then I'll leave... Say it... Say it - Say it - Say it..." +"Whisper it... Whisper ""fuck me""... Whisper... Whisper... Whisper... Whisper..." Fuck me. +Fuck me. Someday honey, I will... But I have to be goin' now... Conta i no joras... +I'm from all over. You was in the Marines, huh? +Need a hand? Thanks, Bobby, 'bout done. +How 'bout a beer? That'd be fine, Bobby. +That'd be fine, Bobby. Let's go by Rosarita's. You been there yet? +Let's go by Rosarita's. You been there yet? No, haven't heard of it. +No, haven't heard of it. Thought maybe Sparky and Buddy'd taken ya. Come on, I'll drive. +This your car? Hell, no, belongs to my girl's sister. The sister's been over to New Orleans, lets us have it while she's gone. Where's that pretty little lady of yours today? +Hell, no, belongs to my girl's sister. The sister's been over to New Orleans, lets us have it while she's gone. Where's that pretty little lady of yours today? Restin' in our room. She ain't been feelin' well. +Restin' in our room. She ain't been feelin' well. Sorry to hear it. +Sorry to hear it. New Orleans, huh?... We was just there. +Thought you said this was a private club. How come I'm allowed in without bein' a member? You black? +You black? No. +No. You an indian? +You an indian? No. +No. Then you're a member... Three or four millionaires in here right now. +Then you're a member... Three or four millionaires in here right now. They look like a bunch of good ol' boys to me. I guess it's oil money, huh? +They look like a bunch of good ol' boys to me. I guess it's oil money, huh? Oil, gas, cattle, farmin'. Ain't nobody shows off around here. Iguana County's one of the richest in Texas. +Oil, gas, cattle, farmin'. Ain't nobody shows off around here. Iguana County's one of the richest in Texas. Wouldn'ta guessed it, that's sure. +Wouldn'ta guessed it, that's sure. Ready for another? +Ready for another? Why not? +I been studyin' a situation over in Lobo, take two men to handle it. What's that? +What's that? Feed store keeps up to five K in their safe. Need me a good boy for back-up. Even split. You interested? +No... I don't think so, man. Be easy, Sailor. There's two employees. I take one in the back to open the safe, you keep the other'n covered... You ain't plannin' on raisin' a fam'ly in Big Tuna, are ya? +Be easy, Sailor. There's two employees. I take one in the back to open the safe, you keep the other'n covered... You ain't plannin' on raisin' a fam'ly in Big Tuna, are ya? Whattaya mean family? +Whattaya mean family? Well... I mean like Lula bein' in a family way. +Well... I mean like Lula bein' in a family way. Lula tell you she's pregnant? +Couple grand or more'd give you two a leg up. Get you to the west coast, Mexico, most anyplace, with a few dollars in your jeans. I got it figured good, Sailor. When did you talk to Lula? +When did you talk to Lula? Talked to her this afternoon... While you was out. +Talked to her this afternoon... While you was out. She really say she was pregnant? +She really say she was pregnant? Just took a guess is all... You in or out on this deal? +Just took a guess is all... You in or out on this deal? I ain't fuckin' sure, Bobby. +I ain't fuckin' sure, Bobby. Don't think about it too long. You had enough? +Don't think about it too long. You had enough? Have now. +Have now. Come on outside, I got somethin' to show ya. +How much money you have between the two a'ya right now?... Forty bucks... +Forty bucks... This is easy money, pardner... No ones gonna get hurt in this thing... And I don't think you can afford not to take it... I'll be bringin' the Eldo 'round the front of the motel at ten tomorrow mornin'... If you ain't a pussy - you'll be there. +I don't particularly care for that kind of talk, Bobby. Hey... I never said you was a pussy... Always figured you had the big ol' round balls for this kind'a thing... Sure would set you and that pretty little girl up good. +Hey... I never said you was a pussy... Always figured you had the big ol' round balls for this kind'a thing... Sure would set you and that pretty little girl up good. Yeah... yeah... I guess so... That kind'a money'd get us a long way down that yellow brick road... +...But DAMN man... This better go smooth. Like takin' candy from a fuckin' baby... +What's she doin' here? She's my girl... She's drivin'... That bother you? +She's my girl... She's drivin'... That bother you? Why should it? +Why should it? That's right... Take one of these. +That's right... Take one of these. What is it? +What is it? Panty hose. Work better'n stockin's. Pull one of the legs down over your face and let the other leg trail behind your head. You get the pistol. Remember, soon as we get inside, you keep that bad boy up where those hicks can see it. Once they notice the Ithaca and the Smith, they'll know we ain't foolin' with 'em. +Nice of you to drop by. Told ya I would. You still riled? +Told ya I would. You still riled? You still screwing sixteen-year-olds in the ass? +Ain't never had no girl pull a blade on me. Wish I'd fuckin' cut you up good. +Wish I'd fuckin' cut you up good. You heard from Reggie? +You heard from Reggie? Juana called. They're stayin' another week. +The cobra's waitin' to strike, chica. That guy Sailor came around this afternoon... Asked me if there was a contract out on 'im. +That guy Sailor came around this afternoon... Asked me if there was a contract out on 'im. No shit?!?! You know him? +No shit?!?! You know him? Used to. +Used to. What'd you say? +What'd you say? No, of course. +That's right... Could have a bad accident, though... before... durin'... or after a hold-up... What's gonna happen when he sees me drivin' the car tomorrow? +What's gonna happen when he sees me drivin' the car tomorrow? Maybe he'll get a little nervous, but who gives a shit? +Gas? Got enough, thanks. We're lookin' for a place has some music, where we can maybe do some dancin' - get somethin' to eat, too. Anything like that around here? +Mostly black though in that boogie place. What's the name of it? +What's the name of it? Club Zanzibar. +Club Zanzibar. You say it's straight ahead a mile? +You say it's straight ahead a mile? About. Where Lafitte crosses over Galvez Highway. State Road 86. +About. Where Lafitte crosses over Galvez Highway. State Road 86. Thanks. +Hey!!!... Johnnie Farragut. How are you, my man. Real good, Chet... It's been awhile. +Real good, Chet... It's been awhile. Everythin's relative. Where's that Marietta Pace Fortune? You two didn't split up, I hope. +Everythin's relative. Where's that Marietta Pace Fortune? You two didn't split up, I hope. No... She's fine. Back home. +No... She's fine. Back home. What'll it be? The regular? Black Label? +What'll it be? The regular? Black Label? Set one up. +So who you out sleuthin' for now?... Can I help ya? Actually, I'm lookin' for Marietta's daughter, Lula. Her and 'er beau took off the other day. Marietta's real upset about it. +Actually, I'm lookin' for Marietta's daughter, Lula. Her and 'er beau took off the other day. Marietta's real upset about it. Hell, that rings a bell. Someone told me somebody lookin' like her was at the Nothin' Fancy yesterday. +Hell, that rings a bell. Someone told me somebody lookin' like her was at the Nothin' Fancy yesterday. Sounds right... I'll check it out. +Sounds right... I'll check it out. You hitched yet? +You hitched yet? No sir... +No sir... It's none of my business, but when are you and Marietta gonna tie the knot? I always wondered why you never did. +It's none of my business, but when are you and Marietta gonna tie the knot? I always wondered why you never did. Not for lack of love, I can tell ya that. +Not for lack of love, I can tell ya that. That's what I mean... Always looked like you was just knocked out in love... Was real nice to see. +That's what I mean... Always looked like you was just knocked out in love... Was real nice to see. I'll tell ya though, it's comin' up to the time when Marietta and me might just set up house together and settle down... I think that time's comin' up right soon. But like you said, everythin's relative. +Alright... By all means. Make yourselves at home. Muchas gracias. +No big buildings like in New Orleans. Whattaya do there? +I thought you two were in Austin, Texas. Or Takes-us, as they say in these parts. We were. Now Mr. San Pedro Sula and I are on our way back to Utila, in the morning. +So, it's back to the islands. Yes. Mr. San Pedro Sula spoke yesterday to his son, Archibald Leach San Pedro Sula, who is named after Cary Grant, and he told them there was a shooting. +But how are you finding New Orleans, Senor Farragut? Call me Johnnie... N.O. has always been a good town to sit around in. +Mr. San Pedro Sula is from Honduras. Do you know Honduras, Johnny? +Oh, many things... Mr. San Pedro Sula's got an appliance shop. +Mr. San Pedro Sula's got an appliance shop. But I am also with the government. +That is my permiso. Mr. San Pedro Sula's permit to kill. +Mr. San Pedro Sula's permit to kill. Only if necessary, of course, and only in my own country. +Mr. San Pedro Sula's authorized to carry a .45. United States Marine issue, before they made the unfortunate switch to the less dependable nine millimeters. I have it here, in my briefcase. +He wants to take Mr. San Pedro Sula and me bass fishing. We are in the same businesses and also we are fishermen. +My name's George Kovich. Bet you've heard of me. Don't know that I have... Should I know about you for anythin' in particular? +Don't know that I have... Should I know about you for anythin' in particular? Was in all the papers three years ago. I'm seventy-six, was only seventy- three then. Had a business in Buffalo, New York, called Rats With Wings. Killed pigeons for anyone who wanted 'em killed. +If your neighbors didn't mind, how'd you get put out of business? Woman drivin' down the street spotted me with on a roof with my rifle. She called the police and they came over and arrested me. Thought I was a sniper! Boys at the VFW loved that one. Cops didn't understand about the pigeons, the damage they do to personal property. I used to complain to the city but they never lifted a finger. I was gonna put out poison, but I was afraid somebody's cat would eat it. Hell, I had six cats myself. So I used the .22 because it didn't make much noise and the ammo was cheap. +Woman drivin' down the street spotted me with on a roof with my rifle. She called the police and they came over and arrested me. Thought I was a sniper! Boys at the VFW loved that one. Cops didn't understand about the pigeons, the damage they do to personal property. I used to complain to the city but they never lifted a finger. I was gonna put out poison, but I was afraid somebody's cat would eat it. Hell, I had six cats myself. So I used the .22 because it didn't make much noise and the ammo was cheap. What happened on the charges? +What happened on the charges? Guilty on a reduced charge. Hundred dollar fine and ordered to desist. Pigeons carry diseases and muss up the place. You seen it. Plain filth. +The Good Witch... Sailor... Lula loves you. +Sailor... Lula loves you. But I'm a robber and a manslaughterer and I haven't had any parental guidance. +But I'm a robber and a manslaughterer and I haven't had any parental guidance. She's forgiven you of all these things... You love her... Don't be afraid, Sailor. +She's forgiven you of all these things... You love her... Don't be afraid, Sailor. But I'm wild at heart. +But I'm wild at heart. If you are truly wild at heart, you'll fight for your dreams... Don't turn away from love, Sailor... Don't turn away from love... Don't turn away from love. +Are you going to provide me with an opportunity to prove my love to my girl? Or are you gonna save yourself some trouble and step up like a gentleman and apologize to her? Don't fuck with me, man. You look like a clown in that stupid jacket. +Don't fuck with me, man. You look like a clown in that stupid jacket. This is a snakeskin jacket, and for me it's a symbol of my individuality and my belief in personal freedom. +This is a snakeskin jacket, and for me it's a symbol of my individuality and my belief in personal freedom. ...Asshole. +...Asshole. Come here. +I'm sorry to do this to ya here in front of a crowd, but I want ya to stand up and make a nice apology to my girl. I'm sorry. +You are from New Orleans, Senor Farragut? Johnnie, please. Nope. Charlotte, North Carolina. Here on business. +Only that it's supposed to be a pretty poor sight since the hurricane came through last year. Yes, that's so. But there is not much to destroy. +In what capacity? In many capacities. +General Osvaldo Tamarindo y Ramirez. Telefono 666. He is my sponsor. The General is the head of the secret police of Honduras. +Why are you in New Orleans? If you don't mind my askin'. Certainly not. We are here only briefly, in fact, until this evening, when we fly to Austin, Texas to visit a friend of mine who is an agent for the CIA. +The same to you. If you are in Honduras, come to the Bay Islands and visit us. The Hondurans are great friends of the American people. But I have a joke for you before I go. If a liberal, a socialist, and a communist all jumped off the roof of the Empire State Building at the same time, which one of them would hit the ground first? I couldn't say, which one? +Would you like to enjoy a martini with us? Why not? How was the fishin'? +Why not? How was the fishin'? I think they are too serious, these American fishermen. In Honduras, we are not so concerned with the method. +Teddy Roosevelt, one of the local shrimp boat captains is in jail now. These people are friends of mine, so I must return and find out what happened. This island of yours sounds like a kind of unpredictable place. +This island of yours sounds like a kind of unpredictable place. It has its moments of uncertainty. +Hasta siempre. Hasta siempre. +Hasta siempre. Do you know how it came about that copper wire was invented in Scotland? +Do you know how it came about that copper wire was invented in Scotland? How's that? +Gotta admit, you guys are - two in four dozen. The real joke is we never went fishing, but we're still fishing. +I forgot to show you this. The gentlemen that gave this to me said you'd recognize it. Said he wanted it'd be 'bout the last thing you ever saw in this life. Oh God... OH GOD... Santos... Oh God Marietta... are you in on this?... OH GOD!!! +I knew this would happen. Soon as that piece of filth got out of Pee Dee, I knew there'd be trouble. He's just got some kind of influence over her I can't decipher. There's somethin' wild in Lula I don't know where it comes from. You gotta find 'em, Johnnie. He served his time for what he did. Another thing... If Lula went with him of her own volition - willingly, that is - there ain't much can be done about it. +He served his time for what he did. Another thing... If Lula went with him of her own volition - willingly, that is - there ain't much can be done about it. Don't talk down to me, Johnnie Farragut. I know what volition means, and that's why I want Sailor Ripley off the planet! He's pure slime and it's leakin' all over my baby. Maybe you could push him into makin' some kinda move and then kill him dead. You'd only be defendin' yourself, and with his record, nobody'd fuss. +I'll hire a hit man if you don't want to help me stop this thing. I'll call Marcello Santos. Now, Marietta, I am goin' to help you. And don't be gettin' carried away. You don't want to be bringin' Santos and his people into it. +Now, Marietta, I am goin' to help you. And don't be gettin' carried away. You don't want to be bringin' Santos and his people into it. You're just jealous of Santos cause he's sweet on me. +You're just jealous of Santos cause he's sweet on me. Darlin', you ain't seein' Santos again, are ya? +Darlin', you ain't seein' Santos again, are ya? Oh, Johnnie Farragut... Don't you trust your very own Marietta? +Oh, Johnnie Farragut... Don't you trust your very own Marietta? Sorry, sweetheart. Bein' in love with you like I am brings out that ugly jealous side. +Sorry, sweetheart. Bein' in love with you like I am brings out that ugly jealous side. Well stop worryin' about me and start worryin' about how you're gonna get that Lula back here and away from that murderer. +Well stop worryin' about me and start worryin' about how you're gonna get that Lula back here and away from that murderer. Sailor ain't a murderer. You got to get off that kick. And far's I can tell, Sailor was entire clean prior to that involvin' Lula. Even there he was protectin' her. You oughta be thankin' him for that. That Bob Ray Lemon they say was comin' after the both of 'em. Why am I tellin' you this, you was around that night. You ought to know just exactly what happened. Sailor just got a little too forceful is all... You remember that night... +Maybe I was there, but I didn't see anythin'. All I know's that trash killed a man with his bare hands. Hands which are now prob'ly all over my baby! Marietta, settle down now darlin'... I want what's best for her, too - like I said, I'll do what I can to bring her home. +No, Marietta, I haven't found 'em. This is the kinda mistake can take a Hindu's lifetime to unfix... You better get a move on, Johnnie, before that boy got her holdin' down a Memphis streetcorner and shootin' dope up her arms. +Really, Marietta, you got more scenarios swimmin' around in your brain than Carter got pills. Try to take it easy. Go over to Myrtle Beach for a few days. I'm stayin' right here by the phone until you find Lula, then I'm comin' to get her. You call soon's you got somethin', even if it's three in the a.m. +I'm stayin' right here by the phone until you find Lula, then I'm comin' to get her. You call soon's you got somethin', even if it's three in the a.m. I will, Marietta. Goodbye now. +I got some news, Marietta. Lula and Sailor been here. They checked out of the Hotel Brazil on Frechman Street yesterday. Listen, Johnnie, Lula just called me. She knew you were in N.O., so they left the city. +Listen, Johnnie, Lula just called me. She knew you were in N.O., so they left the city. Did she tell you where she was callin' from? +Did she tell you where she was callin' from? No, but my guess is they're headed west, so prob'ly Texas. Their money must be runnin' low. I don't think Sailor had much to begin with, if any, and Lula took the six hundred she had saved in the Cherokee Thrift. +No, but my guess is they're headed west, so prob'ly Texas. Their money must be runnin' low. I don't think Sailor had much to begin with, if any, and Lula took the six hundred she had saved in the Cherokee Thrift. How'd she sound? Was she doin' okay? +How'd she sound? Was she doin' okay? Could she be doin' okay, Johnnie? She's tryin' to prove somethin' to me, that's all. Lula ain't doin' no more'n showin' off, defyin' me... Johnnie, I've done somethin' bad... +Could she be doin' okay, Johnnie? She's tryin' to prove somethin' to me, that's all. Lula ain't doin' no more'n showin' off, defyin' me... Johnnie, I've done somethin' bad... What? +What? I won't tell you over the phone. I'm comin' to N.O. and I'll tell you then. +I won't tell you over the phone. I'm comin' to N.O. and I'll tell you then. Marietta, I was just gonna leave and see if I could pick up their trail. +Marietta, I was just gonna leave and see if I could pick up their trail. No, you wait right there for me... I'll be on the Piedmont flight tomorrow at seven. Meet me at the airport. +No, you wait right there for me... I'll be on the Piedmont flight tomorrow at seven. Meet me at the airport. I'll meet you, Marietta, if that's what you want, but I'm against it. +I'll meet you, Marietta, if that's what you want, but I'm against it. Seven tomorrow evenin'. We can eat at Galatoire's. Fix it. +Who was that?... Who know's your here? I'll be damned if that wasn't a wrong number? +What is it, Johnnie? Just some guys I met here... I keep seein' 'em... Now tell me... +Johnnie, I can't tell you, honey. Is there anyway we can get on the road tonight? We've got to find them kids. Somethin' was upsettin' you bad last night, and you wanted to tell me and I figured you wanted to tell me so's I could help... +Somethin' was upsettin' you bad last night, and you wanted to tell me and I figured you wanted to tell me so's I could help... I did, honey, but that was last night... Let's just find those two kids before it's too late. +I did, honey, but that was last night... Let's just find those two kids before it's too late. Honey, I have to ask you this... Is Santos involved in any of this? +Honey, I have to ask you this... Is Santos involved in any of this? Hell no, baby... I wouldn'ta done that without tellin' you. +Hell no, baby... I wouldn'ta done that without tellin' you. That bastard Pucinski... +That bastard Pucinski... Who?... Uncle Pooch?... +Who?... Uncle Pooch?... Yeah... The one that introduced Santos to you and Clyde. +Yeah... The one that introduced Santos to you and Clyde. Johnnie... That's the past... We gotta get on to our future, sugar! +Johnnie... That's the past... We gotta get on to our future, sugar! All I have to do is grab my suitcase, and I'm ready. You're lucky cause I happen to love night drivin'. +All I have to do is grab my suitcase, and I'm ready. You're lucky cause I happen to love night drivin'. Let's head for Texas and see if we can pick up the trail. +Let's head for Texas and see if we can pick up the trail. Did I tell ya it's great to see ya again? +Did I tell ya it's great to see ya again? This 'bout the fifth time? +I'll pack my things and meet you downstairs. And to think what coulda happened in that king-sized bed tonight... +And to think what coulda happened in that king-sized bed tonight... You won't of missed much. +You won't of missed much. See ya downstairs. +Don't give me no trouble now, Pace, please. This ain't the easiest day in a long time. And what do you mean how are we gonna know what your daddy looks like? You seen his photo. How'll he know what we look like? He seen our photo? +Damn it, child! Now look what you made me do. What I made you do, mama? +Nothin', honey. Mama's just actin' strange. You ain't actin', mama. +You ain't actin', mama. Why, Pace Roscoe Ripley, ain't you got one cute mouth tonight? +I still ain't sure what my daddy looks like. Like you, sweetheart. You and your daddy got the same mouth, eyes, ears, and nose. Only difference is your color hair is like mine. +Like you, sweetheart. You and your daddy got the same mouth, eyes, ears, and nose. Only difference is your color hair is like mine. My daddy ain't never killed nobody, has he, mama? +My daddy ain't never killed nobody, has he, mama? Course he ain't never killed nobody. Why'd you say that, Pace? +Course he ain't never killed nobody. Why'd you say that, Pace? Heard grandpa Santos and grandmama talkin'. +Heard grandpa Santos and grandmama talkin'. And? +And? Grandmama said how Sailor murdered a man. +Grandmama said how Sailor murdered a man. Wrong, baby. Your daddy never committed no murder. Musta been you didn't hear grandmama proper. He made some mistakes, is all. Your daddy ain't always been so lucky... We're almost at the depot, honey. Sit back a minute. +Why we sittin' here, mama? Thinkin' a second, baby. +I'm scared, mama. Why, honey? +Why, honey? Case daddy don't like me. What if he don't like that I don't got his color hair. +Case daddy don't like me. What if he don't like that I don't got his color hair. Pace, your daddy'd love you even if you didn't have no hair at all. +Hey baby... Peanut... +Hey, my snakeskin jacket... Thanks, baby... Did I ever tell you that this here jacket for me is a symbol of my individuality and my belief in personal freedom? "'Bout fifty thousand times. I got us a room at the Cape Fear, and guess what?... I hear Powermad's at ""The Hurricane.""" +"'Bout fifty thousand times. I got us a room at the Cape Fear, and guess what?... I hear Powermad's at ""The Hurricane.""" Stab it and steer. +Did you ever think somethin' like about the wicked witch of the east comin' flyin' in?... Did you ever think somethin' and then later think you've said it out loud to someone? I really did miss your mind while I was out at Pee Dee, honey. The rest of you, too, of course. But the way your head works is God's own private mystery. What was it you was thinkin'? +I really did miss your mind while I was out at Pee Dee, honey. The rest of you, too, of course. But the way your head works is God's own private mystery. What was it you was thinkin'? Well, I was thinkin' about smokin' actually... My mama smokes Marlboros now, used to be she smoked Kools? I stole 'em from her beginnin' in about sixth grade. When I got old enough to buy my own, I bought those. Now I've just about settled on Mores, as you probably noticed? They're longer. +Well, I was thinkin' about smokin' actually... My mama smokes Marlboros now, used to be she smoked Kools? I stole 'em from her beginnin' in about sixth grade. When I got old enough to buy my own, I bought those. Now I've just about settled on Mores, as you probably noticed? They're longer. I guess I started smokin' when I was about six... My mama was already dead from lung cancer... +I guess I started smokin' when I was about six... My mama was already dead from lung cancer... What brand'd she smoke? +What brand'd she smoke? Camels, same as me... Guess both my mama and my daddy died of smoke or alcohol related illness. +Camels, same as me... Guess both my mama and my daddy died of smoke or alcohol related illness. Gee, Sailor. I'm sorry, honey. I never would have guessed it. +Gee, Sailor. I'm sorry, honey. I never would have guessed it. It's okay. I hardly used to see them anyway. I didn't have much parental guiding. The public defender kept sayin' that at my parole hearin'. He was a good ol' boy, stood by me... Even brought me some cartons of cigarettes from time to time. +It's okay. I hardly used to see them anyway. I didn't have much parental guiding. The public defender kept sayin' that at my parole hearin'. He was a good ol' boy, stood by me... Even brought me some cartons of cigarettes from time to time. I'd stand by you, Sailor... through anything. +I'd stand by you, Sailor... through anything. Hell, peanut, you stuck with me after I planted Bob Ray Lemon. A man can't ask for more than that. +You're perfect for me, too. You remind me of my daddy, you know? Mama told me he liked skinny women whose breasts were just a bit too big for their bodies. He had a long nose, too, like theirs. Did I ever tell you how he died? +You remind me of my daddy, you know? Mama told me he liked skinny women whose breasts were just a bit too big for their bodies. He had a long nose, too, like theirs. Did I ever tell you how he died? In a fire, as I recall. +In a fire, as I recall. Started he couldn't remember things? Got real violent? Mama kept tellin' me it was on account of lead poisoning from cleanin' the old paint off our house without usin' a mask... But I don't know. Seems like his brain just fell apart in pieces. +You have such a pretty, long neck, like a swan. Grandmama Pace had a long, smooth white neck. It was like on a statue it was so white? +Sailor, you are somethin' else, honey... When I was fifteen, Mama told me that pretty soon I'd be startin' to think about sex, and I should talk to her before I did anything about it. But honey, I thought you told me your Uncle Pooch raped you when you was thirteen. +But honey, I thought you told me your Uncle Pooch raped you when you was thirteen. That's true. Uncle Pooch wasn't really an uncle. He was a business partner of my daddy's? And my mama never knew nothin' about me and him - that's for damn sure. His real name was somethin' kind of European, like Pucinski. But everyone just called him Pooch. He came around the house sometimes when Daddy was away. I always figured he was sweet on mama, so when he cornered me one afternoon, I was surprised more'n a little. +That's true. Uncle Pooch wasn't really an uncle. He was a business partner of my daddy's? And my mama never knew nothin' about me and him - that's for damn sure. His real name was somethin' kind of European, like Pucinski. But everyone just called him Pooch. He came around the house sometimes when Daddy was away. I always figured he was sweet on mama, so when he cornered me one afternoon, I was surprised more'n a little. How'd it happen, peanut? He just pull out the old toad and let it croak? +You're terrible crude sometimes, Sailor, you know? I can't hardly understand you when you talk with one of them Mores in your mouth. +I said you can be too crude sometimes? I don't think I care for it. Sorry, sugar. Go on and tell me how old Pooch done the deed. +Sorry, sugar. Go on and tell me how old Pooch done the deed. Well, mama was at the Busy Bee havin' her hair dyed? And I was alone in the house. +Uncle Pooch came in the side door through the porch, you know? Where I was makin' a jelly and banana sandwich? I remember I had my hair in curlers cause I was goin' that night with Vicki and Cherry Ann, the DeSoto sisters. Uncle Pooch must have known nobody but me was home, cause he came right in and put both his hands on my butt and sorta shoved me up against the counter. Didn't he say somethin'? +So how'd he finally nail you? Right there in the kitchen? No, he picked me up. +He was short but powerful. With hairy arms? Anyway, he carried me into the maid's dayroom which nobody used. We did it there on an old bed. 'We' did it? Whattaya mean? Didn't he force you? +'We' did it? Whattaya mean? Didn't he force you? Well, sure. But he was super-gentle, you know? I mean, he raped me and all, but I guess there's all different kinds of rapes. I didn't exactly want him to do it but I suppose once it started, it didn't seem all that terrible. It was over pretty quick, and after Uncle Pooch just stood there and pulled up his trousers and left me there. I stayed in bed till I heard him drive off. Then I just went back into the kitchen and finished makin' my sandwich. +Well, sure. But he was super-gentle, you know? I mean, he raped me and all, but I guess there's all different kinds of rapes. I didn't exactly want him to do it but I suppose once it started, it didn't seem all that terrible. It was over pretty quick, and after Uncle Pooch just stood there and pulled up his trousers and left me there. I stayed in bed till I heard him drive off. Then I just went back into the kitchen and finished makin' my sandwich. And you never told nobody about it? +And you never told nobody about it? Just you. Uncle Pooch never acted strange or different after. And he never did anything else to me. I always got a nice present from him at Christmas, like a coat or jewelry? +Just you. Uncle Pooch never acted strange or different after. And he never did anything else to me. I always got a nice present from him at Christmas, like a coat or jewelry? One hundred twenty decibels - head on collision of a '54 Ford Pick-Up and a '64 Chevy Station Wagon. No survivors. Balls of flame and grinding metal. +One hundred twenty decibels - head on collision of a '54 Ford Pick-Up and a '64 Chevy Station Wagon. No survivors. Balls of flame and grinding metal. Uncle Pooch died in a car crash three years later while he was holidayin' in Myrtle Beach. They still got way too much traffic there for my taste... And another thing, baby... That government of ours should be keepin' us separated from outer space... +Uncle Pooch died in a car crash three years later while he was holidayin' in Myrtle Beach. They still got way too much traffic there for my taste... And another thing, baby... That government of ours should be keepin' us separated from outer space... Here she goes again... +Here she goes again... Sailor, that ozone layer is disappearin'. Seems to me the government could do somethin' about it. One of these mornings the sun'll come up and burn a hole clean through the planet like an X-Ray. +You okay, honey? That woman's laugh creeps me out. I heard somethin' like that... somewhere before... Sound'd like the wicked witch... +That woman's laugh creeps me out. I heard somethin' like that... somewhere before... Sound'd like the wicked witch... Just sounded like an old gal havin' a good time to me... You ready to dance? +Just sounded like an old gal havin' a good time to me... You ready to dance? I'm always ready to dance. But I need me a kiss first, honey. Just one? +Hell, you just rubbed up against the wrong girl is all. That's good... Now go get yourself a beer. You fellas have alotta the same power Elvis had... Y'all know this one? +What you want to watch this trash for? Ain't one of those people have a real thought in their brain. That so? You want to tell me what, if any, real thoughts you had lately? +That so? You want to tell me what, if any, real thoughts you had lately? What you have to get personal about so quick? All I mean is you could possibly read a book. +What's that honey? We didn't have no TV up at Pee Dee, baby, you know? +I'm sorry, sweetie. I forget some moments where all you been the last two years. Twenty-three months, eighteen days is all. Don't need to make more'n it was. This couple's goin' on a date to Hawaii. The girl chose him over the other two guys. +Twenty-three months, eighteen days is all. Don't need to make more'n it was. This couple's goin' on a date to Hawaii. The girl chose him over the other two guys. Don't the reject guys get anythin'? +Don't the reject guys get anythin'? Gift certificates to Kentucky Fried Chicken. +Gift certificates to Kentucky Fried Chicken. That don't seem fair. +That don't seem fair. Hell, why should the Datin' Game be different from real life? At least them boys is gonna get somethin' to eat. +Sailor? Yeah? +Yeah? Wouldn't it be fabulous if we somehow stayed in love for the rest of our lives? +Wouldn't it be fabulous if we somehow stayed in love for the rest of our lives? You think of the weirdest damn things to say sometimes, peanut. Ain't we been doin' a pretty fair job this far? +You think of the weirdest damn things to say sometimes, peanut. Ain't we been doin' a pretty fair job this far? Oh, you know exactly what I mean, honey? It'd make the future so simple and nice. +Oh, you know exactly what I mean, honey? It'd make the future so simple and nice. At Pee Dee, all you think about is the future, you know? Gettin' out? And what you'll do and what you'll think about when you're on the outside again. +At Pee Dee, all you think about is the future, you know? Gettin' out? And what you'll do and what you'll think about when you're on the outside again. I just think about things as they come up. I never been much of a planner. +I just think about things as they come up. I never been much of a planner. It ain't altogether terrible just to let things go along sometimes. Lula, I done a few things in my life I ain't too proud of, but I'll tell ya from now on I ain't gonna do nothin' for no good reason. All I know for sure is there's more'n a few bad ideas runnin' around loose out there. +Musta been a lesson tellin' ya it was the wrong time... What did you do, your mama find out? She got me an abortion... +...I hope you appreciate my spendin' six hundred dollars, not countin' what it cost us to get here and back... This man's the best damn abortionist in the South. You tell the boy who knocked you up? +You tell the boy who knocked you up? It was my cousin, Dell, done it? His folks used to visit with us summers. +It was my cousin, Dell, done it? His folks used to visit with us summers. What happened to him? +What happened to him? Oh, nothin'. I never let on to mama about Dell bein' the one. I just flat refused to tell her who the daddy was? I didn't tell Dell, neither. He was back home in Chattanooga by then, anyhow, and I didn't see the point. Somethin' terrible happened to him, though. Six months ago. +Oh, nothin'. I never let on to mama about Dell bein' the one. I just flat refused to tell her who the daddy was? I didn't tell Dell, neither. He was back home in Chattanooga by then, anyhow, and I didn't see the point. Somethin' terrible happened to him, though. Six months ago. What's that, peanut? +What's that, peanut? Dell disappeared. Dell was learnin' a hard lesson. What I learned from observin' Dell is I think people who are frightened want to disappear. He'd startin' behavin' weird? Like comin' up to people every fifteen minutes and askin' how they were doin'? +Actin' funny how? Well, like mama told me, Aunt Rootie, Dell's mama? She found cockroaches in Dell's underwear. +One time, Aunt Rootie caught Dell puttin' one big cockroach on his anus? Hell, peanut... +Hell, peanut... One time - real late - like about two thirty a.m.? She found Dell up in the black of night all dressed and makin' sandwiches in the kitchen. +...are followin' him around. Prob'ly the rain boys from Outer Space. +Prob'ly the rain boys from Outer Space. It ain't so funny now, though. December before Christmas? Dell disappeared again and Aunt Rootie hired a private eye to find him. He was missin' for almost a month before he wandered back in the house on mornin' dressed in some filthy Santa Claus suit. +"The private eye cost Aunt Rootie over a thousand dollars? Then a little while later Dell ran off a third time to some place he said would ""give him peace of mind."" Nobody's seen him since." Sound like ol' Dell's more'n just a little confused, peanut... Too bad he couldn't visit that ol' Wizard of Oz and get some good advice. +Sound like ol' Dell's more'n just a little confused, peanut... Too bad he couldn't visit that ol' Wizard of Oz and get some good advice. Too bad we all can't, baby... One thing about Dell? +Too bad we all can't, baby... One thing about Dell? What's that? +What's that? When he was about seventeen, he startin' losin' his hair. +When he was about seventeen, he startin' losin' his hair. So? +So? He's twenty-four now? A year older than you? And must be 'bout bald. +He's twenty-four now? A year older than you? And must be 'bout bald. There's worse things that can happen to a man, honey. +There's worse things that can happen to a man, honey. Yeah, I suppose. But you know somethin' baby, hair does make a difference. +Let's go dancin', peanut. I'm ready. We gotta be careful, honey, my mama's gonna have Johnnie Farragut on us like a duck on a june bug, and he's one clever detective? You know how clever? He once told me that he could find an honest man in Washington. My toenails gotta dry first anyways, Sailor. +We gotta be careful, honey, my mama's gonna have Johnnie Farragut on us like a duck on a june bug, and he's one clever detective? You know how clever? He once told me that he could find an honest man in Washington. My toenails gotta dry first anyways, Sailor. One thing puzzles my mind, sugar... You're twenty years old - aren't you ever curious why your mama has this fixation on keepin' us apart? Puttin' a detective on us. I'll tell ya Lula... Well... It's more'n me killin' Bob Ray Lemon... +One thing puzzles my mind, sugar... You're twenty years old - aren't you ever curious why your mama has this fixation on keepin' us apart? Puttin' a detective on us. I'll tell ya Lula... Well... It's more'n me killin' Bob Ray Lemon... Maybe my mama cares for me just a little too much... +Maybe my mama cares for me just a little too much... Yeah, maybe... +Sailor! You up for that? +You up for that? I'd got to the far end of the world for you, baby... You know I would. +I'd got to the far end of the world for you, baby... You know I would. Those toenails dry yet? We got some dancin' to do. +...That's an awful long way to go, just to get some pussy. Yeah, I had my first taste on that trip to Juarez. At that age you still got a lot of energy. +Yeah, I had my first taste on that trip to Juarez. At that age you still got a lot of energy. You still got plenty energy for me, baby. +Sorry, baby... When's the first time you done it with a girl who wasn't hookin'? Maybe two, three months after Juarez. I was visitin' my cousin, Junior Train, in Savannah, and we were at some kid's house whose parents were out of town. A girl comes up to me that was real tall, taller than me. +She looked right at me and run her tongue over her lips and put her hand on my arm - told me her name was Irma. What'd you say to her? +What'd you say to her? Told her my name. Then she said somethin' like, 'It's so noisy down here. Why don't we go upstairs so we can hear ourselves?' She turned around and led the way. I knew I had an important lesson to learn that day. +When she got almost to the top step I stuck my hand between her legs from behind. Oh, baby. What a bad boy you are! +Oh, baby. What a bad boy you are! "That's just what she said. I had a boner with a capital ""O."" I went to kiss her but she broke off laughin' and ran down the hallway. I found her lyin' on a bed in a room filled with assault weapons and Penthouse magazines. She was a wild chick. She was wearin' bright orange pants with kind of Spanish lookin' lacy black stripes down the sides. You know, them kind that doesn't go all the way down your leg?" +"That's just what she said. I had a boner with a capital ""O."" I went to kiss her but she broke off laughin' and ran down the hallway. I found her lyin' on a bed in a room filled with assault weapons and Penthouse magazines. She was a wild chick. She was wearin' bright orange pants with kind of Spanish lookin' lacy black stripes down the sides. You know, them kind that doesn't go all the way down your leg?" You mean like pedal pushers? +You mean like pedal pushers? I guess. +She just rolled over onto her stomach and stuck her ass up in the air. I slid my hand between her legs and she closed her thighs on it. You're excitin' me, honey. What'd she do? +You're excitin' me, honey. What'd she do? Her face was half-pushed into the pillow, and she looked back over her shoulder at me and said, 'I won't suck you. Don't ask me to suck you.' +Her face was half-pushed into the pillow, and she looked back over her shoulder at me and said, 'I won't suck you. Don't ask me to suck you.' Poor baby. She don't know what she missed. What color hair she have? +Poor baby. She don't know what she missed. What color hair she have? Sorta brown, blonde, I guess. But dig this, sweetie. Then she turns over, peels off them orange pants, and spreads her legs real wide and says to me... +I'll drop mama a postcard from somewhere. I mean, I don't want her to worry no more'n necessary. What do you mean by necessary? She's prob'ly already called the cops, my parole officer, her p.i. boyfriend Johnnie Farragut. +What do you mean by necessary? She's prob'ly already called the cops, my parole officer, her p.i. boyfriend Johnnie Farragut. I suppose so. She knew I was bound to see you soon as you was sprung, but I don't figure she counted on us takin' off together like this... I guess this means you're breakin' parole, then? +I suppose so. She knew I was bound to see you soon as you was sprung, but I don't figure she counted on us takin' off together like this... I guess this means you're breakin' parole, then? You guess? My parole was broke two hundred miles back when we burnt Portagee County. +You guess? My parole was broke two hundred miles back when we burnt Portagee County. What'll it be like in California, Sailor, do you think? I hear it don't rain much there. +What'll it be like in California, Sailor, do you think? I hear it don't rain much there. You got about six more big states to go before we find out. +You got about six more big states to go before we find out. We got through two states already. +That don't smell like a More. It ain't. It's part of the lessons of life. I picked me up a pack of Vantages before we left the Cape? +It ain't. It's part of the lessons of life. I picked me up a pack of Vantages before we left the Cape? They sure do stink. +They sure do stink. Yeah, I guess, but - and here's the lesson part - they ain't supposed to be so bad for you. +Yeah, I guess, but - and here's the lesson part - they ain't supposed to be so bad for you. You ain't gonna begin worryin' about what's bad for you at this hour, are you, sugar? I mean, here you are crossin' state lines with a A-Number One certified murderer. +You ain't gonna begin worryin' about what's bad for you at this hour, are you, sugar? I mean, here you are crossin' state lines with a A-Number One certified murderer. Manslaughterer, honey, not murderer. Don't exaggerate. +Manslaughterer, honey, not murderer. Don't exaggerate. Okay, manslaughterer who's broke his parole and got in mind nothin' but immoral purposes far's you're concerned. +Okay, manslaughterer who's broke his parole and got in mind nothin' but immoral purposes far's you're concerned. Thank the Lord. Well, you ain't let me down yet, Sailor. That's more'n I can say for the rest of the world? +Life is a bitch and then you marry one. What kinda trash talk is that? +What kinda trash talk is that? What it says on the bumper sticker up front. On that pickup. +What it says on the bumper sticker up front. On that pickup. That's disgustin'. Those kinda sentiments shouldn't be allowed out in public. Is this Biloxi yet? +That's disgustin'. Those kinda sentiments shouldn't be allowed out in public. Is this Biloxi yet? Almost. I figure we should find us a place to stay and then go eat. +Almost. I figure we should find us a place to stay and then go eat. Got anyplace special in mind? +Got anyplace special in mind? We oughta stay somewhere outta the way. Not in no Holidays or Ramadas or Motel Six. If Johnnie Farragut's on our trail he'll check those first. +How about that one? The Host of the Old South Hotel. Looks more like the Ghost of the Old South, but we'll try her. +I H-A-T-E hotel bedspreads. They don't hardly never get washed, and I don't like the idea of lyin' on other people's dirt. Come look at this. +Come look at this. What's that, honey? +What's that, honey? There ain't no water in the swimmin' pool. Just a dead tree fell in, prob'ly from bein' struck by lightnin'. +There ain't no water in the swimmin' pool. Just a dead tree fell in, prob'ly from bein' struck by lightnin'. It's huge. This musta been a grand old place at one time. +It's huge. This musta been a grand old place at one time. Let's get fed, sweetheart. The light's fadin' fast. +M-i-ss-i-ss-i-pp-i... You can almost hear that jazz blowin' up from the big N.O. Lula... I learned somethin' interestin' today on a science show I heard on the radio... How leeches is comin' back into style. +Lula... I learned somethin' interestin' today on a science show I heard on the radio... How leeches is comin' back into style. Say what? Honestly, sugar, you can talk more shit sometimes? +Got you a pack of Mores again, huh? Yeah, it's a real problem for me, Sailor, you know? When I went in that drugstore by the restaurant in Biloxi? I saw 'em by the register and the girl throw 'em in. I'm not big on resistin'. So what about a leech? +Yeah, it's a real problem for me, Sailor, you know? When I went in that drugstore by the restaurant in Biloxi? I saw 'em by the register and the girl throw 'em in. I'm not big on resistin'. So what about a leech? Heard on the radio how doctors is usin' leeches again, just in old times. You know, when even barbers used 'em? +Heard on the radio how doctors is usin' leeches again, just in old times. You know, when even barbers used 'em? I got one on me at Lake Lanier. Lifeguard poured salt on it and it dropped off. Felt awful. He was a cute boy, though, so it was almost worth it. +Yeah, well listen to this... Radio said back in the 1920s a I-talian doctor figured out that if, say, a fella got his nose cut off or bit off in, say, a barfight or somethin', they'd sew one of his forearms to his nose for a few weeks... Then put leeches on it. Sailor? You expect me to believe a man'd be goin' around with a arm sewed to his nose? +Sailor? You expect me to believe a man'd be goin' around with a arm sewed to his nose? How they used to do it. Course they got more sophisticated ways now. Radio said the Chinese, I think it is, figured a better idea is by insertin' a balloon in the forehead and lettin' it hang down on the nose. +Sailor Ripley! You stop! You're makin' this shit up and I ain't gonna sit for it! Honest, Lula. I prob'ly ain't precisely got all the facts straight, but it's about what they said. +Honest, Lula. I prob'ly ain't precisely got all the facts straight, but it's about what they said. Honey, we're goin' to bed now and it's time to change the subject. +"We're about dry bones, sweetheart. We don't wanna have to push this ""bird"" into New Orleans." We sure don't, honey... Get me a Mounds? +I love it when your eyes get wild, honey. They light up all blue almost and little white parachutes pop out of 'em. Oh, Sailor you're so aware of what goes on with me? I mean, you pay attention. And I swear, you got the sweetest cock. Sometimes it's like it's talkin' to me when you're inside? Like it's got a voice all it's own. You get right on me. You really are dangerously cute, honey. I gotta admit it. +What lesson do get outta that story, Lula? It's just another case, Sailor. +It's just another case, Sailor. What's that, peanut? +What's that, peanut? One person thinks he's doin' somethin' good and ever'body else gets upset about it. +Huh? Ever imagine what it'd be like to get eaten alive by a wild beast? Sometimes I think it would be the biggest thrill? +Ever imagine what it'd be like to get eaten alive by a wild beast? Sometimes I think it would be the biggest thrill? My God, it better be, darlin', cause it'd be the last... What time is it? +My God, it better be, darlin', cause it'd be the last... What time is it? Shhhhh... It's four o'clock... That woman's laugh the other day had somethin' to do with this feelin'?... Like bein' ripped apart by a gorilla, maybe... Grabbed sudden and pulled apart real quick by a real powerful one. +Lula, sometimes I gotta admit, you come up with some weird thoughts... Anythin' interestin' in the world come out of somebody's weird thoughts, Sailor. You tell me Sailor, who could come up with shit like we're seein' these days? +Anythin' interestin' in the world come out of somebody's weird thoughts, Sailor. You tell me Sailor, who could come up with shit like we're seein' these days? You got me, peanut. +You got me, peanut. You certain? +You certain? I ain't never met anyone come close to you, sugar. +I ain't never met anyone come close to you, sugar. Recall the time we was sittin' one night behind the Confederate soldier? Leanin' against it. And you took your hand and put it on your heart and you said, 'You feel it beatin' in there, Lula?... Get used to it, 'cause it belongs to you now.' D'you recall that? +Recall the time we was sittin' one night behind the Confederate soldier? Leanin' against it. And you took your hand and put it on your heart and you said, 'You feel it beatin' in there, Lula?... Get used to it, 'cause it belongs to you now.' D'you recall that? I do. +I do. I was hopin' you would. I know that night by heart. Sometimes, honey? I think it's the best night of my life. +I really do think it's the best night of my life. We didn't do nothin' special I can remember. Just talked, is all. +We didn't do nothin' special I can remember. Just talked, is all. Talkin's good. Long as you got the other? I'm a big believer in talkin', case you ain't noticed. +Talkin's good. Long as you got the other? I'm a big believer in talkin', case you ain't noticed. Too bad they don't give an award for talkin'... You'd win first prize. Especially with those tits. +Too bad they don't give an award for talkin'... You'd win first prize. Especially with those tits. You think so, baby? Does my talkin' bother you, honey? +You think so, baby? Does my talkin' bother you, honey? No, I like gettin' up around four a.m. and talkin' bout wild animals... Though you woke me up this time in the middle of a dream. I kinda wish I didn't remember it. Up at Pee Dee, I couldn't remember any of my dreams. +No, I like gettin' up around four a.m. and talkin' bout wild animals... Though you woke me up this time in the middle of a dream. I kinda wish I didn't remember it. Up at Pee Dee, I couldn't remember any of my dreams. What was this one? +What was this one? It wasn't no fun, Lula. The wind was blowin' super-hard and I wasn't dressed warm. Only instead of freezin', I was sweatin' strong. +The water was rollin' off me. And I was dirty, too, like I hadn't had no bath in a long time, so the sweat was black almost. Boy, sweetie, this is weird, okay. +Boy, sweetie, this is weird, okay. I know. I kept walkin', I headed for your house, only it wasn't your house, really. You let me in only you weren't real pleased to see me. You kept askin', 'Why'd you come to see me now? Why now?' Like it'd been a long time since we'd seen each other. +I know. I kept walkin', I headed for your house, only it wasn't your house, really. You let me in only you weren't real pleased to see me. You kept askin', 'Why'd you come to see me now? Why now?' Like it'd been a long time since we'd seen each other. Oh, baby, what an idea. I'd always be happy to see you, no matter what. +Oh, baby, what an idea. I'd always be happy to see you, no matter what. I know, peanut. But it wasn't all like you were so unhappy I was there, just you were upset. My bein' there was upsettin' to you. You had some kids there, little kids, and I guess you'd got married and your husband was comin' home any minute. +Sometimes dreams just don't mean nothin'... Stuff comes into your mind and you don't have no control over, you know? Anyways, dreams ain't no odder than real life. Sometimes not by half. Well, I ain't upset about it, darlin'. Just give me an odd feelin' there a minute, is all. +Let's get outta here... I suddenly got a funny feelin' about this place. Feelin' all that voodoo... Gotta hex from a voodoo? +Gotta hex from a voodoo? Who do? +Who do? You do. +Oh my God... It's Johnnie... Duck down!... Get goin'! Where? +Where? Never mind where... Get outta here... I mean it, Sailor. +Never mind where... Get outta here... I mean it, Sailor. I'm goin'. +You think he saw us? Who knows, baby? +Who knows, baby? He was sittin' there havin' a beignet at the Cafe Du Monde. Do you think he saw us? +He was sittin' there havin' a beignet at the Cafe Du Monde. Do you think he saw us? Lula, darlin'... Makes no difference anyway... We're outta here. +Sure you wanna do this? Might be a way they could track us. He's just a regular guy't needs help, honey. Look at him. +You don't feel you was a little hard on the guy, honey? I know you're thinkin' that I got more'n some of my mama in me? Well, I couldn't help it. Sailor, I really couldn't. I'm sorry for that guy, but when he pulled that drippin' hunk of awful-smellin' meat out of his pocket? I near barfed. And them poor diseased puppies! +I know you're thinkin' that I got more'n some of my mama in me? Well, I couldn't help it. Sailor, I really couldn't. I'm sorry for that guy, but when he pulled that drippin' hunk of awful-smellin' meat out of his pocket? I near barfed. And them poor diseased puppies! Just part of life on the road, peanut. +Just part of life on the road, peanut. Do me a favor, Sailor? Don't pick up no more hitchers, okay? +I wouldn't mind a little night life. How about you? Hard to tell what's shakin' in a place like this, honey. You don't want to be walkin' in the wrong door. +Hard to tell what's shakin' in a place like this, honey. You don't want to be walkin' in the wrong door. Maybe there's a place we could hear some music. I feel like dancin'. We could ask someone. +You ready for this? We'll find out in a hurry. +I'll be damned if I'm leavin'. That band is too good? Uh huh. +Uh huh. You notice that woman when we come in? The white woman sittin' by herself? +You notice that woman when we come in? The white woman sittin' by herself? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, she ain't talked to nobody and ain't nobody spoke to her that I could tell. What you make of that? +Well, she ain't talked to nobody and ain't nobody spoke to her that I could tell. What you make of that? Honey, we bein' strangers here and all, this is the kinda place we don't want to make nothin' of nothin'. +Honey, we bein' strangers here and all, this is the kinda place we don't want to make nothin' of nothin'. You think she's pretty? +What's wrong, sweetheart? Somethin' botherin' you? Mama. I been thinkin' about her. She's prob'ly worried to death by now. +Mama. I been thinkin' about her. She's prob'ly worried to death by now. More'n likely. +More'n likely. I want to call her and tell her I'm okay. That we're okay. +I want to call her and tell her I'm okay. That we're okay. I ain't so sure it's a great idea, but that's up to you. Just don't tell her where we are. +I ain't so sure it's a great idea, but that's up to you. Just don't tell her where we are. Pardon me? Y'all got a phone here I can use? +I was just wastin' time, peanut, till you come back. It's me who's wastin' time, Sailor, bein' with you. +It's me who's wastin' time, Sailor, bein' with you. Honey, I'm sorry. It wasn't nothin'. Come on and get up and we'll take off. +Honey, I'm sorry. It wasn't nothin'. Come on and get up and we'll take off. Leave me be for a minute? Mama gets all insane and then I see you practicin' your individuality and personal freedom with some oil-town tramp. How you figure I'm gonna feel? +Leave me be for a minute? Mama gets all insane and then I see you practicin' your individuality and personal freedom with some oil-town tramp. How you figure I'm gonna feel? Told you not to call your mama. +How much we got left, honey? Under a hundred. +Under a hundred. You want to stick around here, Sailor? See if we can get some work? +You want to stick around here, Sailor? See if we can get some work? Not in Houston. We'd be better off in some place more out of the way. +Not in Houston. We'd be better off in some place more out of the way. You want me to drive for a stretch? Give you a chance to rest. +You want me to drive for a stretch? Give you a chance to rest. That'd be good, Lula. +What's that, peanut? I can't take no more of this radio... I ain't never heard so much concentrated weirdness in my life, Sailor Ripley, you find me some dancin' music right this minute... I MEAN IT!! +The world's gettin' worse, I think, Sailor. And it don't sound like there's much we can do about it, neither. This ain't news, sweetheart. I hate to tell ya. +Sure is a big deal round here... Alamo Road, Alamo Street, Alamo Square, Alamo Buildin', Alamo Alamo. They ain't forgettin' about it in a hurry. That's the thing 'bout memory? Some things you wish you could forget... What's troublin' you, sugar? You know, Lula, I never told you what all I was doin' before I met you. +You know, Lula, I never told you what all I was doin' before I met you. I just figured you was out bein' Mr. Cool... +I just figured you was out bein' Mr. Cool... Not exactly, sugar... One reason we're in all the trouble we're in right now is cause of what I was doin'... I tried to tell you this before... +Not exactly, sugar... One reason we're in all the trouble we're in right now is cause of what I was doin'... I tried to tell you this before... You're scarin' me, baby. +You're scarin' me, baby. Well, there's a good side as well as a bad side to it... The good side is I knew your daddy, and I thought Clyde was a good ol' guy... +Well, there's a good side as well as a bad side to it... The good side is I knew your daddy, and I thought Clyde was a good ol' guy... You knew my daddy? +You knew my daddy? Yes I did... I sure did... The bad side of it is I did some drivin' for a man named Marcello Santos... +Yes I did... I sure did... The bad side of it is I did some drivin' for a man named Marcello Santos... Oh shit... +Oh shit... I quit workin' for 'im, but just before I did, I ended up one night at a house... I don't know what it is they all think I saw that night, but I was just sittin' out in the car till the whole place went up in flames. +I quit workin' for 'im, but just before I did, I ended up one night at a house... I don't know what it is they all think I saw that night, but I was just sittin' out in the car till the whole place went up in flames. God, Sailor... That's the night my daddy died. +God, Sailor... That's the night my daddy died. I know, sugar... But while the place was burnin'... Before Santos came out - I pitched some rocks at the second floor windows case anyone was upstairs sleepin'... Afterwards... When I met you, I always liked to think I mighta saved your life. +I know, sugar... But while the place was burnin'... Before Santos came out - I pitched some rocks at the second floor windows case anyone was upstairs sleepin'... Afterwards... When I met you, I always liked to think I mighta saved your life. That's some big secret you been carryin', Sailor. +That's some big secret you been carryin', Sailor. We all got a secret side, baby. Hope you don't think I been lyin' to you 'bout other things, sugar. +We all got a secret side, baby. Hope you don't think I been lyin' to you 'bout other things, sugar. How'd you know my daddy? +How'd you know my daddy? Met him through Santos... Clyde - your daddy - had some sorta business deal with Santos. +Lula, you there? Yeah, I'm here. +Yeah, I'm here. You upset with me? +You upset with me? No, Sailor darlin'. Just shockin' sometimes when things aren't the way you thought they were... I been carryin' a secret too... +That night in the fire while my daddy was dyin'... I saw mama up in her room with Santos... ...They was laughin' arm in arm like animals. +...They was laughin' arm in arm like animals. I didn't want to say it... but I had a feelin' Santos was up to somethin' with your mama... +I didn't want to say it... but I had a feelin' Santos was up to somethin' with your mama... My mama... So Sailor, our histories have been somewhat intertwined. +My mama... So Sailor, our histories have been somewhat intertwined. They have, sugar. +They have, sugar. I take that as a sign that we were destined by fate to be together. +I take that as a sign that we were destined by fate to be together. It's a comfortin' idea. +It's a comfortin' idea. Well, we're really out in the middle of it now, ain't we? +Well, we're really out in the middle of it now, ain't we? There's worse places, honey. +There's worse places, honey. If you say so. +If you say so. Trust me on it. +Trust me on it. I do trust you, Sailor. Like I ain't never trusted nobody before. +I do trust you, Sailor. Like I ain't never trusted nobody before. We'll be alright, peanut, long as we've got room to move. +We'll be alright, peanut, long as we've got room to move. What's that? +What's that? I don't know... Looks like clothes. +Oh God, Sailor. One bad car accident... +One bad car accident... SAILOR!!! +Sailor, what are we gonna do? I don't know, honey, but we gotta help that girl - get her to a town and hope no one catches on I broke parole. +Let's get ahold a' her quick. You think she's gonna make it? +You think she's gonna make it? Don't know, but she's gonna bleed all over our car, I'll tell ya that... Hey... Hello... Girl... You gotta come with us, honey. +I can't take this, Sailor. She's dyin' right in front of our eyes... I'm afraid she is, baby. +She died right in front of me. Why'd she have to go and do that, Sailor? Let's get outta here, honey. +Well, it ain't exactly Emerald City... Not quite as bad as the weather though... It must be a hundred and ten and it ain't even noon yet. +Not bad for eleven dollars a day. No radio or TV... +And no AC. Fan works. +Fan works. Now what? +Now what? Let's get a sandwich and find out about some work. +Let's get a sandwich and find out about some work. Sailor? +Sailor? Yeah? +Yeah? This ain't exactly my most thrillin' notion of startin' a new life. +I'm gonna stay here in this room, Sailor. I don't feel so good? This heat makes me tired. Okay, honey, I'll see you later. +That you, Sail, honey? The only one. +You find any work? Maybe. Met a guy named Red, owns a garage, could have some work in about a week. Met a few hard luck boys who's stayin' here. What's that smell? +Maybe. Met a guy named Red, owns a garage, could have some work in about a week. Met a few hard luck boys who's stayin' here. What's that smell? I barfed. Tried to make it to the bathroom... Turned out it was the wrong door anyways... I sorta got it cleaned up. +I barfed. Tried to make it to the bathroom... Turned out it was the wrong door anyways... I sorta got it cleaned up. You sick? +You sick? A little, I think... Darlin'? +A little, I think... Darlin'? Yeah? +Yeah? Come sit by me. +Darlin', I still ain't feelin' so well. I'm goin' to bed. I'll come along. +Anything I can do for you? No, I don't think so, Sail. I just need to lie down. +Sailor? You know what? I know you ain't particularly pleased bein' here. +I know you ain't particularly pleased bein' here. Not that. Look at what I wrote down cause I can't say it. +It's okay by me, peanut. Well, nothin' personal, but I ain't sure it's okay by me. +Really, Sailor, it ain't nothin' against you. I love you. Love you, too. +Love you, too. I know. Just I'm sorta uncomfortable about the way some things is goin', and this don't help soothe me. +I know. Just I'm sorta uncomfortable about the way some things is goin', and this don't help soothe me. I know this ain't easy, Lula, but I ain't gonna let things get no worse, I promise. +You been drinkin', huh? Few beers is all. Feelin' any better? +Can't tell yet. Where'd you go? That smell's still fillin' this room good. +That smell's still fillin' this room good. Buddy and Sparky come by earlier. +Buddy and Sparky come by earlier. And Bobby too, I hear... +And Bobby too, I hear... Yeah... He was lookin' for you. +Yeah... He was lookin' for you. You talk to 'im some?... +You talk to 'im some?... Some... Sparky said Red's promised to have him and Buddy out of here by the weekend. +Some... Sparky said Red's promised to have him and Buddy out of here by the weekend. Oughta make 'em happy. +Oughta make 'em happy. So where'd you say you was? +So where'd you say you was? Went with Bobby. +Sail? Uh-huh? +Uh-huh? Let's leave here. +Let's leave here. We're goin' to, Lula, real soon. +We're goin' to, Lula, real soon. I mean tomorrow. +I mean tomorrow. We got about forty bucks, sweetheart. That'd get us to El Paso. +We got about forty bucks, sweetheart. That'd get us to El Paso. Rather be in El Paso than Big Tuna. +Who says I'm smart? You up to somethin' with Bobby Peru, Sailor? What could I be up to, Lula? +What could I be up to, Lula? He's a stone fuckin' criminal, honey, and you ain't. +He's a stone fuckin' criminal, honey, and you ain't. I killed Bob Ray Lemon, didn't I? +I killed Bob Ray Lemon, didn't I? That was a accident. I bet both our asses Bobby Peru done murdered all kinds of people, and meant it, too. +That was a accident. I bet both our asses Bobby Peru done murdered all kinds of people, and meant it, too. That was in Vietnam. +That was in Vietnam. He's the kind liked it. +He's the kind liked it. Lula, I got to get some sleep. +Lula, I got to get some sleep. Buddy told me about that thing at Cao Ben? +Buddy told me about that thing at Cao Ben? What? +What? Was a massacre. Soldiers there murdered old folks, women and babies, and dumped 'em in a trench. Bobby Peru prob'ly killed the most. +Was a massacre. Soldiers there murdered old folks, women and babies, and dumped 'em in a trench. Bobby Peru prob'ly killed the most. Lula, he mighta did, I don't know. But it don't matter now. Lotta guys go outta control in a war and it ain't their fault. +That man's a black angel, Sailor. You hook up with him, you'll regret it. If you live to. Thanks, darlin', I know you got my best interest in mind, and I 'preciate it sincerely. I love you, but I gotta sleep now. +You must be my son. Shake hands with your daddy. +You hungry? Pace and I ain't had dinner yet. Lead the way. +I'm sorry, Sailor. I just can't help it. Give me a minute and I'll quit. Boys frightened, Lula. This ain't no good. +Boys frightened, Lula. This ain't no good. Really, Sail, I'll be okay. +Really, Sail, I'll be okay. It's a mistake, honey. You two go on. I'll walk back to the depot. +It's a mistake, honey. You two go on. I'll walk back to the depot. What're you talkin' about? That's your son in there. +What're you talkin' about? That's your son in there. He ain't never known me, Lula, so there ain't much for him to forget. Not seein' each other for six years makes it next best to simple for us, too. +He ain't never known me, Lula, so there ain't much for him to forget. Not seein' each other for six years makes it next best to simple for us, too. How can you say that, Sailor? +How can you say that, Sailor? What makes sense, is all. +LULA!!!! SAILOR!!!! +...live in exchange for sexual favors. Police said they have identified and questioned at least four girls, all Asians twelve to fifteen years old, who have been living in the North Houston warehouse with a Vietnamese pimp since February. The girls are being treated as victims, said police Sergeant Amos Milburn. 'These are really just children,' he said, 'but they've been exposed to a lot already. I'll bet. +I'll bet. In international news, India plans to release crocodiles in the Ganges, the holy Hindu river in which millions of people bathe annually, to scavenge for corpses, authorities said. +The reptiles were supposed to be of a docile species, said a senior government official, but it seems the breeders bungled and reared attack crocodiles. Damn! +Damn! The Indian official who supplied this information did so only on condition of anonymity. The Uttar Pradesh state authorities last October released five hundred turtles... +In the Ganges near Varanasi to try and reduce human pollution and now plan to put in the crocodiles to devour floatin' corpses dumped by Hindus too poor to pay for cremation. HOLY SHIT!! IT'S THE NIGHT OF THE LIVIN' FUCKIN' DEAD!!!! +Mama??? You know who it was and you know you aren't, and I mean ARE NOT gonna see him EVER... End of story. +You know who it was and you know you aren't, and I mean ARE NOT gonna see him EVER... End of story. Like hell. +I'm fine, mama. I just wanted to tell you not to worry. Why, how could I not worry? Not knowin' what's happenin' to you or where you are? Are you with that boy? +Why, how could I not worry? Not knowin' what's happenin' to you or where you are? Are you with that boy? If you mean Sailor, mama, yes I am. +If you mean Sailor, mama, yes I am. Are you comin' back here soon, Lula? I need you here. +Are you comin' back here soon, Lula? I need you here. Need me for what, mama? I'm perfectly fine, and safe, too. +Need me for what, mama? I'm perfectly fine, and safe, too. You in a dance hall or somethin'? I can hear music behind you. +You in a dance hall or somethin'? I can hear music behind you. Just a place. +Just a place. Really, Lula, this ain't right! +Really, Lula, this ain't right! Right?! Mama, was it right for you to sic Johnnie Farragut on us? How could you do that? +Right?! Mama, was it right for you to sic Johnnie Farragut on us? How could you do that? Did you run into Johnnie in New Orleans? Lula, are you in New Orleans? +Did you run into Johnnie in New Orleans? Lula, are you in New Orleans? No, mama, I'm in Mexico, and we're about to get on an airplane to Argentina! +No, mama, I'm in Mexico, and we're about to get on an airplane to Argentina! Argentina! Lula, you're outta your mind. Now you just tell me where you are and I'll come for you. I won't say nothin' to the police about Sailor, I promise. He can do what he wants, I don't care. +Argentina! Lula, you're outta your mind. Now you just tell me where you are and I'll come for you. I won't say nothin' to the police about Sailor, I promise. He can do what he wants, I don't care. Mama, I'm hangin' up this phone now. +Mama, I'm hangin' up this phone now. No, baby, don't! Can I send you somethin'? You runnin' low on money? I'll wire you some money if you tell me where you are. +No, baby, don't! Can I send you somethin'? You runnin' low on money? I'll wire you some money if you tell me where you are. I ain't that dumb, mama. Sailor and I been on a crime spree? Knockin' off convenience stores all across the south? Ain't you read about it? +Lula? I love you, baby. I just want you to be all right. I am all right, mama. That's why I called, to let you know. I gotta go. +I am all right, mama. That's why I called, to let you know. I gotta go. Call me again soon? I'll be waitin' by the phone. +Call me again soon? I'll be waitin' by the phone. Don't be crazy, mama. Take care of yourself. +You're comin' home, precious. Santos' gonna drive us to the San Antonio airport. Mama, Sailor's in deep trouble here. I just can't leave him. +I'm goin', mama. No way I can't go. You ain't takin' Pace, though. +You ain't takin' Pace, though. Course I am, mama. +Course I am, mama. What time's Sailor's train get in? +What time's Sailor's train get in? Six. +Six. Got any plans? +Got any plans? Figure we'll go have supper someplace. Maybe get some barbecue out by Stateline. Sailor always liked that Havana Brown's Pig Pickin'. +Figure we'll go have supper someplace. Maybe get some barbecue out by Stateline. Sailor always liked that Havana Brown's Pig Pickin'. Well, you be careful with that boy, Lula. +Well, you be careful with that boy, Lula. Sailor ain't a boy no more, mama. +Sailor ain't a boy no more, mama. Don't mean him. It's Pace concerns me. +Don't mean him. It's Pace concerns me. Really, mama, I gotta go. +Really, mama, I gotta go. What if I asked you not to? +What if I asked you not to? Wouldn't make any difference. +Wouldn't make any difference. What if I told you not to? +What if I told you not to? Mama... if you get in the way of me and Sailor's happiness, I'll fuckin' pull your arms out by the roots. +I'm afraid his car is gone, Mrs. Fortune. I don't understand this... I don't understand this one bit. He was supposed to meet me right her in this lobby. Somethin' bad has happened - I jus know it. +I don't understand this... I don't understand this one bit. He was supposed to meet me right her in this lobby. Somethin' bad has happened - I jus know it. Perhaps we should call a local law enforcement officer. +Perhaps we should call a local law enforcement officer. HELL NO!!! That's the last thing we need... A buncha cops runnin' around. +Oh God! What does that mean? I'm sure I wouldn't know, ma'am... and buffalo hunting too... hmmmmm? +I'm sure I wouldn't know, ma'am... and buffalo hunting too... hmmmmm? And jus when my baby's out on some Texas road with a killer. +I knew you'd want it again... That's not why I called. +That's not why I called. Oh yeah - sure... okay. +Oh yeah - sure... okay. Santos... It isn't. +Santos... It isn't. Have it your way... But you want it. +Have it your way... But you want it. Lula's gone off with Sailor. +Lula's gone off with Sailor. What do you want me to do about it? +What do you want me to do about it? I want you to take care of Sailor, so he won't ever be able to bother my baby again. +I want you to take care of Sailor, so he won't ever be able to bother my baby again. Take care of him? +Take care of him? Yes. +Yes. What does take care of him mean? Do you want me to give him food or some clothing? +What does take care of him mean? Do you want me to give him food or some clothing? What's with you? You know what take care of him means. I don't call Santos except for one big reason. +What's with you? You know what take care of him means. I don't call Santos except for one big reason. Big is the key word, and I'm telling you I want it bad. +Big is the key word, and I'm telling you I want it bad. I want you to get rid of Sailor. +I want you to get rid of Sailor. Get rid of him? +Get rid of him? Yes... Get rid of him. +Yes... Get rid of him. How would I do that? Send him on a trip - like maybe to Hawaii? +How would I do that? Send him on a trip - like maybe to Hawaii? Santos, why in hell do you insist on playin' this stupid game? +Santos, why in hell do you insist on playin' this stupid game? Just tell me what you want. +Just tell me what you want. I don't need to explain anymore'n I have... You know damn well. +I don't need to explain anymore'n I have... You know damn well. You need to explain it. +You need to explain it. All right... I want you... to... kill... Sailor... As simple as that. +All right... I want you... to... kill... Sailor... As simple as that. Simple? Kill him? How? +Simple? Kill him? How? That's your business... I don't care how. +That's your business... I don't care how. Like an accident where maybe Lula might also get hurt? +Like an accident where maybe Lula might also get hurt? NO... For God's sakes, Santos! +NO... For God's sakes, Santos! Well, like kill him with the atomic bomb? +Well, like kill him with the atomic bomb? Santos... +Santos... Explain it... I told you. +Explain it... I told you. Shoot him. +Shoot him. Shoot him? Like with a gun? +Shoot him? Like with a gun? Yes. +Yes. Where? In the leg? +Where? In the leg? No. +No. Where? +Where? In the head. +In the head. Shoot Sailor in the head with a gun... Now I'm beginning to get it... You want me to shoot Sailor in the head with a gun. +Shoot Sailor in the head with a gun... Now I'm beginning to get it... You want me to shoot Sailor in the head with a gun. Yes. +Yes. But where in the head? Not the chin, I hope. +But where in the head? Not the chin, I hope. No... In the brains... What little I'm sure he has. +No... In the brains... What little I'm sure he has. You want me to shoot Sailor in the brains with a gun. +You want me to shoot Sailor in the brains with a gun. Yes. +Yes. Through the forehead? +Through the forehead? Yes. +Yes. Wrong! It's much better to blow a hole in the back of the head... right toward the bridge of the nose... Lots and lots of irreparable damage. +Wrong! It's much better to blow a hole in the back of the head... right toward the bridge of the nose... Lots and lots of irreparable damage. See! I knew you had it all under control. +See! I knew you had it all under control. Why didn't you send Johnnie Farragut? +Why didn't you send Johnnie Farragut? Maybe I did... Try New Orleans first... Lula can't ever stop talkin' 'bout that town. +Maybe I did... Try New Orleans first... Lula can't ever stop talkin' 'bout that town. On one condition... +You give me your permission to kill Johnnie Farragut. Santos... No... Please, Santos... +Santos... No... Please, Santos... You're not tellin' me that you're sweet on him? +You're not tellin' me that you're sweet on him? No... But... +No... But... One day he's gonna find out what we're up to with Mr. Reindeer, and he could cause us a lot of trouble. +"I'm gonna take your silence as a ""yes""..." Santos... I can't... +Santos... I can't... Shhhh... It's all right... Also, I either take you or that pretty daughter of yours to bed. +Shhhh... It's all right... Also, I either take you or that pretty daughter of yours to bed. You fucker, don't you ever touch Lula - You fucker, I'll kill you. +You fucker, don't you ever touch Lula - You fucker, I'll kill you. Put your shoulders back. +Put your shoulders back. What? +What? Put your shoulders back, I said. +You got nice tits. Someone's gonna see us. +Someone's gonna see us. That's just another part of the price to pay. +That's just another part of the price to pay. Santos... You kill that Sailor, otherwise he's gonna turn my baby against me. +I got your message... But you went right to Johnnie, didn't you?... I can't trust you, bitch - not for one minute... Naughty girl... Sailor and Lula are headed west, and guess what? There's no turning back. I'm in a killing mood. No... +No... My very best to Johnnie... Bless his soul. +Santos... Where's J-J-Johnnie? Shhhhhh... Thank you, gentlemen... I'll look after her now... +Santos... What's happenin' here? Hey... Stop the nervous cry-baby routine... You're my girl now... Santos is gonna wipe away those tears and make you happy... Come on, let's get outta here. +Hey... Stop the nervous cry-baby routine... You're my girl now... Santos is gonna wipe away those tears and make you happy... Come on, let's get outta here. Where we goin'? +Where we goin'? Got word the kids are moving through Texas... I think an ending is being arranged there... Come on, lemme see a smile. +Got word the kids are moving through Texas... I think an ending is being arranged there... Come on, lemme see a smile. Please Santos... Where's Johnnie? +...Sailor Ripley... Can I talk to Lula? There's no way in hell you can speak to her and... +There's no way in hell you can speak to her and... What?... +What?... ...Yes you heard me... Don't ever call back here again. +Hey, Sailor boy, you wanna fuck Lula's mama?... No. +No. Well, she wants to fuck you. +No... I just wanted to kiss you good- bye... You know too much 'bout little Lula's mom... Whattya mean? +Whattya mean? Well, Johnnie told me you used to drive for Clyde and Santos... +Well, Johnnie told me you used to drive for Clyde and Santos... So? +So? So maybe one night you got a little too close to the fire... And you're gonna get burned, baby... And besides that, you're shit... D'you think I'd let my little girl go with shit like you?... Why, you belong right here in one of these toilets. +So maybe one night you got a little too close to the fire... And you're gonna get burned, baby... And besides that, you're shit... D'you think I'd let my little girl go with shit like you?... Why, you belong right here in one of these toilets. You're gonna have to kill me to keep me away from Lula. +You're gonna have to kill me to keep me away from Lula. Oh, don't worry 'bout that... +Oh, don't worry 'bout that... It's a prob'lm I don't think's gonna go away too soon though... Peanut, I'm thinkin' of breakin' parole and takin' you out to sunny California. +Oh... Look at this... What do you want, snakeskin? Just passin' through on my way to who knows where... +Just passin' through on my way to who knows where... Sure... I figured I'd see you sometime... +Sure... I figured I'd see you sometime... Hopin' you could tell me if there's a contract out on me. I really need to know. +Hopin' you could tell me if there's a contract out on me. I really need to know. By who? +By who? I think Santos or Marietta Fortune. +I think Santos or Marietta Fortune. Heard you was goin' out with that bitch's daughter. +Heard you was goin' out with that bitch's daughter. You heard right. +You heard right. You really are one dumb asshole. +You really are one dumb asshole. Life is unpredictable. +Life is unpredictable. Does that girlfriend of yours know that her mama and Santos killed her daddy? Does she know her own daddy was one of the biggest drug dealers around - till he started snortin' the shit himself?... Does she know you was around that night her daddy was set fire to? +Does that girlfriend of yours know that her mama and Santos killed her daddy? Does she know her own daddy was one of the biggest drug dealers around - till he started snortin' the shit himself?... Does she know you was around that night her daddy was set fire to? I didn't see nothin'... +I didn't see nothin'... Yeah... But I did... And I told you all about it... +Yeah... But I did... And I told you all about it... Is there a contract?... We made a deal once that we'd tip each other off if we ever heard. +Is there a contract?... We made a deal once that we'd tip each other off if we ever heard. I know... I remember. +I know... I remember. Well?... +Well?... I ain't heard of nothin'. +I ain't heard of nothin'. Thanks... +I'll tell you the problem. You behind the wheel. There's your fucking problem. That's pretty simplistic, don't you think? +That's pretty simplistic, don't you think? Hey, pal, you don't start doing crazy eights in the middle of the street none of this happens. +Hey, pal, you don't start doing crazy eights in the middle of the street none of this happens. Excuse me. Did you, or did you not, have a gun to his head? +Excuse me. Did you, or did you not, have a gun to his head? He was trying to steal my car! +What he means is, it's difficult to distill the essence of a book sometimes. It lives in the mind. Yeah, but you gotta know what it's about, right? I mean, if you didn't know what it was about, why were you writing it? +That's just how my brain works, I guess. Fascinating. Listen, why don't you come out with us after the lecture. There's a place on the Hill I always get Trip to take me. +Fascinating. Listen, why don't you come out with us after the lecture. There's a place on the Hill I always get Trip to take me. Actually... I just want to go home. +Actually... I just want to go home. Oh, don't be silly. No one your age just wants to go home. Besides, faculty will be present. Just think of it as a field trip. +He's fine. He's narrating. We're going to the men's room. Only we might not make it in time. +Hey. What are you guys doing here? We're springing you, Leer. Get some pants on. +I like what you've done with it. When's Captain Nemo moving in? The candelabras were my Gran's. +You all right, Professor Tripp? He's great. Come on, let's blow before lo' Gran decides to boil your bones for breakfast. +He's great. Come on, let's blow before lo' Gran decides to boil your bones for breakfast. Oh, well, that's just it. She's been coming down here, every half hour or so, to, sort of, check on me. If I'm not here, she might... call the police or... something. +Oh, well, that's just it. She's been coming down here, every half hour or so, to, sort of, check on me. If I'm not here, she might... call the police or... something. Hhhuh. So we decoy her. Stick a couple pillows and one of your teddy bears under the spread and she won't know the difference. +Hhhuh. So we decoy her. Stick a couple pillows and one of your teddy bears under the spread and she won't know the difference. Yeah. Like in Against All Flags. Only they use a couple big hams. +You snore. So I hear. +So I hear. No offense, Professor Tripp, but you look sorta crappy. +No offense, Professor Tripp, but you look sorta crappy. He's right, you look horrible. +It's the Chancellor. Ah, right. Well, I gave you my opinion. +Thank you. You're welcome. +Tripp! How are you, Crabtree? +How are you, Crabtree? Brimming. Say hello to my new friend, Miss Antonia... uh... +I was explaining to Antonia how a book comes to be published. What you do as a writer, what I do as an editor... I sweat blood for five years and he checks for spelling. +Emily? Your wife. +Your wife. Oh. We're picking her up. Downtown. +Oh. We're picking her up. Downtown. Perfect. Well then, shall we? +Do you know how many times I've boarded an airplane praying someone like her would sit down beside me? Particularly while I'm on my way to Pittsburgh. Lay off Pittsburgh. It's one of the great cities. +Lay off Pittsburgh. It's one of the great cities. If it can produce a Miss Sloviak you'll get no argument from me. +If it can produce a Miss Sloviak you'll get no argument from me. She's a transvestite. +She's a transvestite. You're stoned. +You're stoned. She's still a transvestite. +She's still a transvestite. Mm. +Mm. Isn't she? +It's fine. It's done. Basically. I'm just sort of... tinkering with it. Great. I was hoping I could get a look at it sometime this weekend. Think that might be possible? +Great. I was hoping I could get a look at it sometime this weekend. Think that might be possible? I don't know. I'm sort of at a critical... juncture. +I don't know. I'm sort of at a critical... juncture. I thought you were tinkering. +I thought you were tinkering. I just mean... +I just mean... Forget I asked. I don't want to pressure you, Tripp. But... ...I get pressure. Know what I mean? +You didn't actually purchase this car, did you. Trip?? It was Jerry Nathan's. He owed me money. +It was Jerry Nathan's. He owed me money. He owes God money. You know, he queered himself for good with Esquire. +He said something about being between things. Yeah, between a bookie and a pair of broken legs. +Trip?? She left me. Crabs. +She left me. Crabs. Left you...? Who? Emily? +Left you...? Who? Emily? This morning. I found a note in the kitchen. +This morning. I found a note in the kitchen. But. ...why didn't you say something, Tripp? I mean, what are we doing here? +I thought you were Mrs. Gaskell's hobby, Tripp. Piss off, Crabs. I lost a wife today. +Piss off, Crabs. I lost a wife today. Oh, I'm sure you'll find another. You always do. +Is that just beer? Primarily. Although I gather you two staged a little raid on the Crabtree pharmacopoeia. You missed a few bottles, by the way. +Primarily. Although I gather you two staged a little raid on the Crabtree pharmacopoeia. You missed a few bottles, by the way. I'm sure. Where is everyone? +I'm sure. Where is everyone? Sara and Walter declined. Guess they wanted to go home and curl up on the couch with the dog. +He has a book. I know. He started it Fall semester. +I know. He started it Fall semester. He finished it Winter Break. +So. Is he any good? No. Not yet he isn't. +No. Not yet he isn't. Well, I'm going to read it anyway. +Well, I'm going to read it anyway. Come on. Crabs. Don't do this. He's one of my students, for Christ sake. I'm not even sure if he's -- +Come on. Crabs. Don't do this. He's one of my students, for Christ sake. I'm not even sure if he's -- He is. Take my word for it. +He is. Take my word for it. I think it's more complicated than that. Besides, he's a little... scattered. He almost... did something stupid tonight. At least, I think so. Anyway, he doesn't need sexual confusion thrown into the stew right now. +I think it's more complicated than that. Besides, he's a little... scattered. He almost... did something stupid tonight. At least, I think so. Anyway, he doesn't need sexual confusion thrown into the stew right now. On the contrary, it could be just the ticket. +No sexual confusion there, eh, Professor? Shut up and drink. +He's a boxer. A flyweight. Huh uh. A jockey. His name's, um, Curtis... Curtis Hardapple. +Huh uh. A jockey. His name's, um, Curtis... Curtis Hardapple. Not Curtis. +Not Curtis. Vernon, then. Vernon Hardapple. The scar's are from a -- from a horse. He fell during a race and got trampled. +Vernon, then. Vernon Hardapple. The scar's are from a -- from a horse. He fell during a race and got trampled. And now he's addicted to painkillers. +And now he's addicted to painkillers. He can't piss standing up anymore. +He can't piss standing up anymore. He lives with his mother. +He lives with his mother. And he had a younger brother who... was... a... +And he had a younger brother who... was... a... Groom. Named Claudell. And his mother blames Vernon for his death. +Groom. Named Claudell. And his mother blames Vernon for his death. Because... because... +That was good. He heard everything we were saying. +Christ, Crabs, what do you expect me to do? The kid's practically in a coma. Tripp. +Tripp. Yes. +Yes. Hit your brakes. +What's this guy's problem? Just go around him. +Shit. Back up. Go out the other way. +Wait here. I'll be right back. Where would we go? +Tripp?! Shit. +Listen, Hannah, I'm flattered, really, but right now I -- Tripp, where the hell... +You stay there. What? Ohhhh. Is that... it? +Honestly, Tripp. Do you actually think I would sneak in here and read your book without asking you? Gee, I don't know, Crabs. I don't seem to remember you actually asking me if you could invite 200 people over to trash my living room. +Gee, I don't know, Crabs. I don't seem to remember you actually asking me if you could invite 200 people over to trash my living room. Sometimes we have to improvise. +Sometimes we have to improvise. Think, Hannah. Does James have any friends. I mean, besides you and... me? +Think, Hannah. Does James have any friends. I mean, besides you and... me? James? My James? What's happened? +James? My James? What's happened? Nothing, he's just been sort of, I don't know... kidnapped. +Nothing, he's just been sort of, I don't know... kidnapped. Kidnapped? By who? +Kidnapped? By who? His parents. +His parents. Good God. Let's go rescue him. +Good God. Let's go rescue him. Good idea, Crabs. Only one problem. I don't know where they live. +Good idea, Crabs. Only one problem. I don't know where they live. Ah. Wait a minute. The university must know where he lives. +Ah. Wait a minute. The university must know where he lives. It's a little late to call Admissions. +It's a little late to call Admissions. Is it a little late to call the Chancellor? +Is it a little late to call the Chancellor? Maybe... I don't know. +You know -- based on what I've read -- this is a very exciting piece of material, this Big Parade. Love. It's Love Parade -- and what do you mean 'based on what you've read'? You skimmed two chapters at 80 miles an hour while gargling methamphetamines. +Love. It's Love Parade -- and what do you mean 'based on what you've read'? You skimmed two chapters at 80 miles an hour while gargling methamphetamines. I've been doing this a long time, Tripp. I feel this kid in my bones. +I've been doing this a long time, Tripp. I feel this kid in my bones. Only in your bones? +How bad is it for you? Bad enough. And God knows I don't exactly fit the new corporate profile. +Bad enough. And God knows I don't exactly fit the new corporate profile. Which is? +Which is? Competence. +So tell me about you and the Chancellor. What's to tell? +What's to tell? Plenty, I'm sure. But, for what it's worth... +Jesus. There must be two dozen windows on that thing. How are we supposed to find his? I told you. They keep him chained in the basement. Come on. +Oh, Christ, don't start on ol' Gran or we'll leave you here. Hey, I heard all about it -- the parents, the grandparents, the China town thing -- and I believe you, okay? That's why we're here. Now go get dressed. +So modest. So sensitive. +So sensitive. Oh, come on, Tripp. Cut the kid some slack. +Oh, come on, Tripp. Cut the kid some slack. It's just ail that crap he spins out. Just once I'd like to know if the little bastard is telling the truth. +It's just ail that crap he spins out. Just once I'd like to know if the little bastard is telling the truth. The truth. I know that's always been real important to you. Okay, check this out... +Crabtree. Ye-es? +Is he awake? I'm afraid he's pretty worn out, poor kid. +I'm afraid he's pretty worn out, poor kid. Nevertheless. There's a police officer standing on the porch and I don't think he's going away. +Shut up, James. So what's the problem? +So what's the problem? There is no problem. Did I say there was a problem? +Who do you think it is? The Chancellor's here? Now? +The Chancellor's here? Now? Evidently. Coming! +I want to publish this. I've got to. I think they'll let me. With a little editorial guidance it could be brilliant. Great. Between you and Officer Pupcik out there he can be the next Jean Genet. It's been awhile since somebody wrote a good book in jail. +So -- what do we do now? Find the jacket. +Find the jacket. Oh! Huh. Exactly how do we do that? +Oh! Huh. Exactly how do we do that? First I see if Hannah will let me borrow her car. +First I see if Hannah will let me borrow her car. It seems to me that girl would let you borrow her pancreas. +Want some help with that? Don't touch it. +Let me get this straight. Jerry Nathan owes you money. So, as collateral, he gives you his car. Only now I'm starting to think the car wasn't exactly Jerry's to give. +Only now I'm starting to think the car wasn't exactly Jerry's to give. So whose car is it? +So whose car is it? My guess -- Vernon Hardapple. +My guess -- Vernon Hardapple. The hood jumper? +The hood jumper? He said a few things that lead me to believe the car's his. +He said a few things that lead me to believe the car's his. Such as. +Such as. 'That's my car, motherfucker.' +'That's my car, motherfucker.' Uh huh. So. We find Vernon, we find the car. We find the car... +Uh huh. So. We find Vernon, we find the car. We find the car... ...we find the jacket. +...we find the jacket. There's only one problem, Tripp. We don't know his real name. We just made it up. In fact, we made the whole guy up. +There's only one problem, Tripp. We don't know his real name. We just made it up. In fact, we made the whole guy up. No wonder he screwed us over. +Christ, Tripp. How did you know? Call it a hunch. +Naturally you have copies. I have an alternate version of the first chapter. +I have an alternate version of the first chapter. You'll be all right then. Look at Carlyle, when he lost his luggage. +You'll be all right then. Look at Carlyle, when he lost his luggage. That was MacCaulay. +That was MacCaulay. Or Hemingway, when Hadley lost all those stories. +Or Hemingway, when Hadley lost all those stories. He was never able to reproduce them. +He was never able to reproduce them. Bad examples. Look, Tripp, I don't want to depreciate the loss here, but perhaps -- in a sense -- this -- is for the best. +Kind of a sign, you're saying. In a sense. +In a sense. I don't think so. In my experience, signs are usually a lot more subtle. +The jacket, Tripp. We need the jacket. Oh, right. Oola. About that jacket... +Came to my senses. Ah. Well. Congratulations. Meanwhile, what is James supposed to do? Pray for Walter Gaskell to come to his? +Ah. Well. Congratulations. Meanwhile, what is James supposed to do? Pray for Walter Gaskell to come to his? Walter Gaskell isn't going to send James Leer to jail, Crabs. I know that. +Walter Gaskell isn't going to send James Leer to jail, Crabs. I know that. Do you know he won't expel him? +Do you know he won't expel him? No. But I don't think that matters. +No. But I don't think that matters. That's very enlightened, Professor. It's comforting to know that America's children have you for a teacher. +Me? What can I do? Gee, I don't know, Crabs... Improvise. You're good at that. +You peeked, didn't you? I peeked. +How are you -- is it Joe? Jeff. Sorry. I didn't even know this was your house until about an hour ago. +Jeff. Sorry. I didn't even know this was your house until about an hour ago. Don't sweat it. Well. 'Night, Jeff. +Don't sweat it. Well. 'Night, Jeff. Oh, Professor Tripp? You know, last semester, what I said that time in office hours -- I hope there's no hard feelings. +Oh, Professor Tripp? You know, last semester, what I said that time in office hours -- I hope there's no hard feelings. No... +No... I mean, I was breaking up with this girl at the time and my car was ail fucked up and -- well -- I was pretty bent in general. +I mean, I was breaking up with this girl at the time and my car was ail fucked up and -- well -- I was pretty bent in general. It's cool, Jeff. Really. +It's cool, Jeff. Really. I just want you to know that's why I dropped your class and said all that shit about the university stealing my money and you being a pseudo- Faulknerian nobody. +I'll be... somewhere else. Hey, Jeff. If you're really interested in discussing that business with the tango, try the guy at the end of the hall. +You driving this car? Excuse me? +Excuse me? This 1966 maroon Ford Galaxie 500. You driving this car? +This 1966 maroon Ford Galaxie 500. You driving this car? It's mine. +It's mine. Bullshit. It's mine, motherfucker. +Bullshit. It's mine, motherfucker. You must be mistaken. +You must be mistaken. Bullshit. +I passed out. You did. +You did. I've been doing that a lot lately. +I've been doing that a lot lately. So I hear. You've also been smoking a lot of marijuana, I understand. +So I hear. You've also been smoking a lot of marijuana, I understand. Do you think that's why I've been having these... ...spells? +Do you think that's why I've been having these... ...spells? How long have you been having them? +How long have you been having them? The last month maybe. +The last month maybe. How long have you been smoking marijuana? +How long have you been smoking marijuana? Spiro T. Agnew was vice president, I believe. +Spiro T. Agnew was vice president, I believe. That's probably not the problem, then. What about your lifestyle. Any major changes recently? +That's probably not the problem, then. What about your lifestyle. Any major changes recently? I've been trying to finish a book... +I've been trying to finish a book... And your wife left you. +And your wife left you. Is that in my chart? +Is that in my chart? I spoke with the woman who saved your life. You're lucky she came along when she did. +I know. You need to see a doctor, Mr. Tripp. An internist. And I think you really ought to consider seeing a therapist, as well. +You need to see a doctor, Mr. Tripp. An internist. And I think you really ought to consider seeing a therapist, as well. She told you about... +She told you about... Her dog, yes. +Her dog, yes. Actually, it was her husband's dog... +Look, Mr. Tripp. You have a drug problem, all right? On top of that, you have a bite on your ankle that is severely infected. We pumped you with antibiotics so you'll be fine, but another day or two and you might have lost the foot. As for your spells. I'm guessing they're a result of the anxiety you've been experiencing lately. They're anxiety attacks? That's a little disappointing. +They're anxiety attacks? That's a little disappointing. Better luck next time. +Better luck next time. So is my friend... is Sara still here? +So is my friend... is Sara still here? No. There's no one here. +No. There's no one here. I have to see her. As soon as possible. +Vernon. Move away, cupcake. He's got a gun. +Move away, cupcake. He's got a gun. Who's got a gun? +Who's got a gun? You've got a gun, motherfucker. Drop it! +You've got a gun, motherfucker. Drop it! Relax, Vernon... +Not true. You're the only Vernon I know. Actually, I'm wrong. I once knew a Vernon Peabody at Penguin U.K. Shut up. Cupcake. Please. Inside. +It's just a souvenir. They don't even make the caps anymore. Bullshit. I know a gun when I see one. And that's a gun. +Bullshit. I know a gun when I see one. And that's a gun. No, really... +Who the hell is that? A Manhattan book editor murdering a Mormon girl's clutch. +Let me get this straight. All that paper that went into the river. That was the only copy? 'Fraid so. +'Fraid so. And you're saying it's some kind of sign? What the fuck's the matter with you? +Hey, Vernon. Can I ask you a question? Shoot. +Boy or girl? As long as it looks like her, I don't care. You know what I'm saying? +Right. Well, thanks. For the lift. No sweat. Only do me a favor? +No sweat. Only do me a favor? Sure. +Sure. Stop calling me Vernon. +Hello? Grady, it's Sara. Thank God you're there. You won't believe what's happened. +Grady, it's Sara. Thank God you're there. You won't believe what's happened. Could you hold on a minute, honey? +Sara? Hi. It's Grady. Where are you, Grady? An elevator? +Where are you, Grady? An elevator? I'm in Kinship. Listen, Sara, there's some things we need to talk about... +I'm in Kinship. Listen, Sara, there's some things we need to talk about... You're in Kinship? +You're in Kinship? Yes. But that's not why I called... +Yes. But that's not why I called... With Emily? +With Emily? What? No. There's no one here. I'm just... just... +What? No. There's no one here. I'm just... just... Just what? Doing a little dusting? +...reconcile with Emily. Are you there to not reconcile with her? +Goodbye, Grady. No. Sara, you don't understand... +No. Sara, you don't understand... Trust me, I understand. I just want to say something to you, Grady. +Trust me, I understand. I just want to say something to you, Grady. Yea? +Yea? How you choose to live your own life is your business. But you be careful with that boy, Grady. With James. He belongs to somebody else. +It was my mother's. She won it in a penny arcade in Baltimore when she was in Catholic school. It's very convincing. +It's very convincing. It used to shoot these little paper caps, but they don't make them anymore. The caps. +It's just... for good luck. Some people carry rabbits' feet... ...You carry firearms. +Are you and Hannah seeing each other, James? No! What gave you that idea? +No! What gave you that idea? Relax, James. I'm not her father. I just rent her a room. +Relax, James. I'm not her father. I just rent her a room. She likes old movies like I do, that's all. Besides, she doesn't really know me. She thinks she does, but she doesn't. Maybe it's because she's Mormon and I'm Catholic. +She likes old movies like I do, that's all. Besides, she doesn't really know me. She thinks she does, but she doesn't. Maybe it's because she's Mormon and I'm Catholic. Maybe it's because she's beautiful and she knows it and try as she might to not let that screw her up, it's inevitable that it will in some way. +You're not like my other teachers, Professor Tripp. You're not like my other students, James. So what was the movie you two saw? +You're not like my other students, James. So what was the movie you two saw? Huh? Oh. Son of Fury. With Tyrone Power and Frances Farmer. +Huh? Oh. Son of Fury. With Tyrone Power and Frances Farmer. She went crazy, Frances Farmer. +She went crazy, Frances Farmer. So did Gene Tierney. She's in it too. +So did Gene Tierney. She's in it too. Sounds like a good one. +Sounds like a good one. It's not bad. +Listen, James, about this afternoon. In workshop. I'm sorry. I think I let things get a bit out of control. They really hated it. I think they hated it more than any of the other ones. +They really hated it. I think they hated it more than any of the other ones. Well... +Well... It doesn't matter. It only took me an hour to write. +It doesn't matter. It only took me an hour to write. Really? That's remarkable. +Really? That's remarkable. I have trouble sleeping. While I'm lying in bed I figure them out. The stories. +You cold, James? A little. +A little. So what are you doing out here? +So what are you doing out here? It's colder in there. +It's colder in there. You're right. +Actually, I saw the greenhouse. So I thought... I thought I'd come out here and take a look at it. You don't see one of those every day. It looks like heaven... Heaven? +Heaven? I saw a movie once. Part of it took place in heaven. Everyone wore white and lived in crystal houses. Like that. At least that's the way I remember it... +James. Don't leave just yet. There's something I think you ought to see. I'll miss my bus. +I'll miss my bus. This is worth it. +Is that really it? That's really it. +That's really it. The one she wore on her wedding day? +The one she wore on her wedding day? So I'm told. +Go ahead. Really? +Really? Really. +They're glass. The buttons. Like the lady herself. +It's feels unreal, like butterfly wings or... something. It must've cost Dr. Gaskell a lot. I guess. Walter never tells Sara the truth about how much he pays for these things. +I guess. Walter never tells Sara the truth about how much he pays for these things. You're really good friends with the Chancellor, aren't you? +Pretty good. I'm friends with Dr. Gaskell, too. I guess you must be, if you know the combination to his closet and he doesn't mind your being here in their bedroom like this. +I guess you must be, if you know the combination to his closet and he doesn't mind your being here in their bedroom like this. Right. +I'm sorry. Professor Tripp. Maybe it's seeing that jacket that belonged to her. It just looks... really lonely. Hanging there. In a closet. Maybe I'm just a little sad. Maybe. I'm feeling a little sad myself tonight. +Maybe. I'm feeling a little sad myself tonight. You mean, with your wife leaving you and all? Hannah mentioned something about it. About a note. +You mean, with your wife leaving you and all? Hannah mentioned something about it. About a note. Yes. Well. It's complicated, James. I think we should go now. +Shit, James. You shot Dr. Gaskell's dog. I had to. Didn't I? +I had to. Didn't I? Couldn't you've just pulled him off me? +Couldn't you've just pulled him off me? No! He was crazy. I didn't -- he looked -- I thought -- +No! He was crazy. I didn't -- he looked -- I thought -- Okay, okay. Take it easy. Don't freak out on me. +Do you have a mirror? It's the best way to see if someone's breathing. He's dead, James. Believe me, I know a dead dog when I see one. +Professor Tripp? Can I ask you a question? Yea, James. +Yea, James. What are we going to do with... +I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell the Chancellor I murdered her husband's dog. You? +You? Trust me, James, when the family pet's been assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear one of her students was the triggerman. +Trust me, James, when the family pet's been assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear one of her students was the triggerman. Does she want to hear it was one of her professors? +Does she want to hear it was one of her professors? I've got tenure. +That's a big trunk. It fits a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost perfectly. That's just what they used to say in the ads. Come on, Crabtree, I know you're holding... +That's just what they used to say in the ads. Come on, Crabtree, I know you're holding... Whose tuba is that anyway? +Whose tuba is that anyway? Miss Sloviak's. +Miss Sloviak's. Can I ask you something about her? +Can I ask you something about her? She is. Ah. Here we go... +Oh. So. Is -- is your friend Crabtree -- is he -- gay? Most of the time he is, James. Some of the time he isn't. Now what do we have here? +Looks like... our old friend Mr. Codeine. That should take the pinch out of my ankle. Have one. No thanks. I'm fine without them. +No thanks. I'm fine without them. Right. That's why you were standing in the Chancellor's back yard twirling that little cap gun of yours tonight. You're fine, all right, you're fit as a fucking fiddle. +This is so embarrassing! You guys had to carry me out. Is he all right? +Mmhmmm... knap... sap... What's he saying? +Shit. He must've left it back at Thaw. In the auditorium. Mmrrmmm... KNAP SAP! +Thank you. You're welcome. +I'm okay. I just lost my balance. I put you on the floor. +I put you on the floor. Oh. +Oh. I thought you might -- I don't know -- swallow your tongue or something. I guess you really miss her, huh? +Huh? Oh, no. This isn't Emily's. I just write in it. I guess there's probably a story behind that. +I guess there's probably a story behind that. There is, but it's not that interesting. +Want me to get that? Sure. +He didn't give his name. Who? +Who? The guy on the phone. +The guy on the phone. What'd he say? +What'd he say? He wanted to know if a Grady Tripp lived here and drove a dark maroon 1966 Ford Galaxie 500 with black interior. +He wanted to know if a Grady Tripp lived here and drove a dark maroon 1966 Ford Galaxie 500 with black interior. What'd you tell him? +What'd you tell him? Yes. +Yes. Good, James. If the Zodiac killer calls, be sure to mention the back door pops open with a couple hard shakes to the right. +Good, James. If the Zodiac killer calls, be sure to mention the back door pops open with a couple hard shakes to the right. I thought maybe you'd won a radio contest or something. Is that single- spaced? +Afraid so. That's a big book you're writing. +That's a big book you're writing. I think it's sort of writing itself at this point. +I think it's sort of writing itself at this point. Wow, Hannah always swore you were working, but -- +Wow, Hannah always swore you were working, but -- But... ? +But... ? Nothing, it's just that, well, it's been awhile since Arsonist's Daughter, and some people -- some of the kids in workshop -- thought maybe you were... +Nothing, it's just that, well, it's been awhile since Arsonist's Daughter, and some people -- some of the kids in workshop -- thought maybe you were... Washed up? +Washed up? Blocked. +Blocked. Ah. I don't believe in writer's block. +Professor Tripp? Hm. +Hm. How did I get here last night? +How did I get here last night? No one seems to know where you live, James. Hannah thought you'd like my couch. +No one seems to know where you live, James. Hannah thought you'd like my couch. And... and before that. Did I do anything? Anything bad? +And... and before that. Did I do anything? Anything bad? Well, James, you did shoot the Head of the English Department's dog and steal his most prized piece of memorabilia. +How's that? Well done, James. +I got kicked out. Well, not exactly kicked out. I was asked to leave. I guess there's probably a story behind that. +I guess there's probably a story behind that. There is, but it's not that interesting. +There is, but it's not that interesting. So where have you been staying? +So where have you been staying? The bus station. +It's not so bad. I know the night janitor. And there's a broken locker I can put my stuff. But James. I mean... How long? +But James. I mean... How long? A couple weeks. That's why... that's why I had the gun. For protection. +A couple weeks. That's why... that's why I had the gun. For protection. Jesus, James, you should've told someone. +Jesus, James, you should've told someone. Who? +Who? I don't know... Me. +Isn't this...? Hm. +I can't help myself. I don't know what's the matter with me. Shit, James, you're hungover. What do you think's the matter with you? +She seemed to take it pretty well. Yeah, well, actually... +Don't be proud, James. We're in Sewickley Heights. We could find you a nice golf course to barf on. No. +I've got a thing about, places like this. I know what those houses are like. I know what the people are like. Your aunt? +Humboldt County? Maybe... +Maybe... It's my father. He gets it from his doctor. +It's my father. He gets it from his doctor. Glaucoma? +Glaucoma? Colon cancer. +Colon cancer. Jesus, James. Wow. +It's a bit of a scandal. My parents live in a small town. Where's that? +Where's that? Carvel. +Carvel. Carvel? Where's Carvel? +Carvel? Where's Carvel? Outside Scranton. +Outside Scranton. I never heard of it. +I never heard of it. It's a hellhole. Three motels and a mannequin factory. My dad worked there for thirty-five years. +It's a hellhole. Three motels and a mannequin factory. My dad worked there for thirty-five years. Your father worked in a mannequin factory? +Your father worked in a mannequin factory? Seitz Plastics. That's where he met my mom. She was a fry cook in the cafeteria. Before that, she'd been a dancer. +Seitz Plastics. That's where he met my mom. She was a fry cook in the cafeteria. Before that, she'd been a dancer. What kind of dancer? +What kind of dancer? Whatever kind they wanted her to be. +Whatever kind they wanted her to be. James Leer, are you telling me your mother was a stripper? +James Leer, are you telling me your mother was a stripper? I'm telling you what I was told by my uncle. And he should know. He ran half a dozen men's clubs in Baltimore before he skipped town on a bad debt. +I'm telling you what I was told by my uncle. And he should know. He ran half a dozen men's clubs in Baltimore before he skipped town on a bad debt. Didn't you say your Mom went to Catholic school? +Didn't you say your Mom went to Catholic school? When we fall, we fall hard. +When we fall, we fall hard. Amazing. +I thought you were the guy who didn't like to lose control of his emotions. Maybe I just needed the moment to present itself. +This is so nice. It's like where Andy Hardy would live. What's it called again? Kinship. +Kinship. Kinship. And what's here? +Kinship. And what's here? Unless I miss my bet... my wife. +The one that left you? That's right. That one. +Someone jumped on your car with their butt... How can you tell? +How can you tell? You can see the outline of a butt. +Want one. They're incredible. Incredible. Smoke the rest of that joint, James, and you can start on the box. +Maybe she didn't come here. She came here. We'll just wait. In the meantime, I need you to shimmy through. +Relax. Emily hasn't carried a house key since she was twelve years old. And your hips are as slim as hers. It's not that. It just reminded me of -- you know -- of what's in the car. In the trunk. +It's not that. It just reminded me of -- you know -- of what's in the car. In the trunk. Oh. Right. Well, let's try not to think about that. +It feels really... good... here. I know. It's the house you want to wake up in on Christmas morning. Make yourself at home. I'll be right back. +I just wanted a little sip. I just wanted a little sip? Tell me, James, exactly what point was it that you turned into Serpent Boy? +I just wanted a little sip? Tell me, James, exactly what point was it that you turned into Serpent Boy? Probably about the time you gave me the codeine pills last night. +Jesus... Look, James, you appear to possess -- like many an aspiring writer before you, by the way -- a rather ardent affinity for the stuff of which dreams are made. However, I think it's best if, for the moment at least ...we abstain. You're mad at me, aren't you? +You're mad at me, aren't you? What? +What? You're mad because I shot your girlfriend's dog. +You're mad because I shot your girlfriend's dog. It wasn't her dog. It's her husband's -- Who said anything about girlfriend? +Okay, James, I wish you hadn't shot my girlfriend's dog. Even though Poe and I weren't exactly what you'd call simpatico, that's no reason for him to take two in the chest. Still, the fact remains that I'm the one who took you up into the Chancellor's bedroom. I'm the one who has to take the blame. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. Sure you do. You were thinking: 'That's no cap gun in that kid's overcoat.' You were thinking 'I can't let that kid get on the bus alone -- he might never get on the bus again.' You were thinking: 'I've got to find a way to distract this kid.' So you did. It was -- in its way -- a noble act. +Sure you do. You were thinking: 'That's no cap gun in that kid's overcoat.' You were thinking 'I can't let that kid get on the bus alone -- he might never get on the bus again.' You were thinking: 'I've got to find a way to distract this kid.' So you did. It was -- in its way -- a noble act. Thanks for the halo, James, but I've never done that much thinking ahead in my life -- ever. +So, why did you take me up there? I don't know, James. I don't know why I do half the things I do. Who does? Why do you wear that coat? +It's warm. James, fall semester, first day of class, it was 95 degrees and you were wearing the coat. +That's why they all give you such a hard time in workshop. Because of my coat? +Because of my coat? Because you act like a goddamn spook all the time. Not to mention the fact that every last one of them is jealous of you. +Because you act like a goddamn spook all the time. Not to mention the fact that every last one of them is jealous of you. Jealous? Of me? +Jealous? Of me? Not you. Your talent. +You're lying. The hell I am. +The hell I am. Yes you are. My stuff stinks. I know it. You said so yourself. +Yes you are. My stuff stinks. I know it. You said so yourself. I never said that. +I never said that. "Yes you did. Last night. To your friend Crabtree. ""Is he any good?"" he said. And you said: ""Not yet he isn't."" I heard you myself." +"Yes you did. Last night. To your friend Crabtree. ""Is he any good?"" he said. And you said: ""Not yet he isn't."" I heard you myself." I didn't mean it that way. +I didn't mean it that way. It's okay, Professor Tripp. Carrie, Howard, the others -- they're right. My stories are annoying. They go on and on and on, and the longer they go on the more annoying they become, until finally you just want to grab something heavy and -- +It's okay, Professor Tripp. Carrie, Howard, the others -- they're right. My stories are annoying. They go on and on and on, and the longer they go on the more annoying they become, until finally you just want to grab something heavy and -- Shut up, James. You're annoying. Carrie and Howard don't know what the fuck they're talking about, okay? The entire class combined -- including the lovely Hannah Green -- has about one tenth of one percent the talent you have, okay? +But, last night... Who cares what I said last night, James I -- I was drunk, I was stoned. I'd been bitten by a dog. My wife had left me. How 'bout cutting me some slack? +Who cares what I said last night, James I -- I was drunk, I was stoned. I'd been bitten by a dog. My wife had left me. How 'bout cutting me some slack? I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. And don't be so goddamn sensitive. Who cares what anybody thinks anyway? You want to be a good writer? You want to be a great writer? Then stop giving a damn what other people think. Most of them haven't thought in years. +Let me spell it out for you, James. Books don't mean anything. Not to anybody. Not anymore. Arsonist's Daughter meant something. +You coming? In a minute. Get us a table. +Want a bite? No thanks. +No thanks. That's why you're having them. Your spells. +That's why you're having them. Your spells. Spells? Jesus, James, you make it sound like we're in a Tennessee Williams play. I don't have spells. +Spells? Jesus, James, you make it sound like we're in a Tennessee Williams play. I don't have spells. What would you call them then? +What would you call them then? I don't know... 'Episodes.' +It's because you don't eat. I eat. +I eat. When? +When? When nobody's looking. +You just worry about yourself, James. Okay? Okay. +Where you going? Nowhere. You just sit here and... eat. +I'm not going with them. James. Listen. Things -- things are a little weird with me right now and I -- well --I have enough blame to shoulder these days without having to take the blame if something bad happened to you. And if you hang around me long enough, something bad is going to happen, trust me. That's why I need you to go home. Understand? +James. Listen. Things -- things are a little weird with me right now and I -- well --I have enough blame to shoulder these days without having to take the blame if something bad happened to you. And if you hang around me long enough, something bad is going to happen, trust me. That's why I need you to go home. Understand? I'm not going, with them. +I'm not going, with them. James, like it or not, they're your parents. +James, like it or not, they're your parents. Parents? They're not my parents. They're my grandparents. My parents are dead. +I remember that. Five or six years ago. Six. Their plane went down right outside Scranton. +Six. Their plane went down right outside Scranton. Near Carvel? +Near Carvel? I'm sorry about all that. I just -- I don't like to talk about my family. They treat me like a freak. She makes me sleep in the basement of my own house. It's mine. My parents left it to me. +Get out of here. That's why she hates me. That's why she makes me sleep in the basement. +That's why she hates me. That's why she makes me sleep in the basement. In the crawl space, with the rats and the casks of Amontillado. Come on. Up. +Can I -- I mean -- do you mind -- if I wear this again. Professor Tripp? Ah, wear whatever you want. +And we both thank you for that, but we're... we're... fine. I'm fine, right. Fit as a fucking fiddle. +Does she mean -- does she know about... her dog? It's Walter's dog and yes, she does know. But let's spare her the details. Come on, your shoes are in the hail. +Don't worry, James, I'll figure something out. I'm not worried. You're not worried, are you. Professor Tripp? +I'm not worried. You're not worried, are you. Professor Tripp? I'm a little worried, James. +I'm a little worried, James. Don't be. I don't care if they expel me. I probably should be expelled. +Don't be. I don't care if they expel me. I probably should be expelled. Well, let's see if we can keep that from happening. +Professor Tripp...? Yes, James. +Yes, James. Even if I end up going to jail.... +Yes, Hannah? I think maybe we're missing the point. It seems to me James' strength as a writer is that he doesn't take us by the hand. He treats us like adults. He respects us enough to forget us. That takes... courage. +Thanks for that. He all right? I think so... What about you? +I think so... What about you? Me? Sure. Why? +Me? Sure. Why? Just checking. +He's going with me. You take Crabtree. And his friend. All right? Ail right. By the way, his friend...? +Ail right. By the way, his friend...? The answer's yes. I think. Yes. I don't know. Where are they exactly? +James. This is my editor, Terry Crabtree. James'll know about George Sanders. +I've been re-reading Arsonist's Daughter. It's so beautiful, Grady. So natural. It's like all your sentences always existed, just waiting around in Style Heaven, or wherever, for you to fetch them down. I thank you. +I thank you. And I love the inscription you wrote to me. Only I'm not quite the downy innocent you think I am. +And I love the inscription you wrote to me. Only I'm not quite the downy innocent you think I am. I hope that isn't true. We need all the downy innocents we can get. +So what are you going to do? Do? +Do? I just mean, I -- I guess Emily isn't going to be there when you get home. +Look, Hannah. When you get him home... make sure he's all right. Before you leave. Okay? I would if I knew where I was taking him. +I would if I knew where I was taking him. Hannah, are you telling me you don't know where James Leer lives? +Hannah, are you telling me you don't know where James Leer lives? Some apartment somewhere. But I've never seen it. +Some apartment somewhere. But I've never seen it. That strikes me as odd. +That strikes me as odd. James is odd. I know he has an aunt in Sewickley Heights. I dropped him there once, but... Come to think of it, it wasn't even his Aunt's house. He said she worked there. Or something. I don't remember. +His bag. You know that ratty green thing he's always carrying around. He must've left it inside. Hh-uh. Last time I saw it was... +All right. Take him to my place. He can crash on the sofa. The one in your office? It's the best one for naps. +The one in your office? It's the best one for naps. I don't think it really matters, Hannah. We could probably stand him up in the garage with the snow shovels at this point. +I thought we were going to talk. Last night. Oh. Well. I... +Hey. Grady! +I know I shouldn't have, but there it was, just sort of lying out, and I couldn't resist and -- and -- I suck. No, it's okay. I just can't believe I left it out in the open like that. Crabtree hasn't been in here, has he? Poking around? +No, it's okay. I just can't believe I left it out in the open like that. Crabtree hasn't been in here, has he? Poking around? I don't know -- maybe -- I don't think so. +Listen, Hannah. You don't remember where that aunt worked, do you? James' aunt. He shot the Chancellor's dog, didn't he? The blind one. +He shot the Chancellor's dog, didn't he? The blind one. Actually, He's not the Chancellor's -- What? +Actually, He's not the Chancellor's -- What? At first the police thought he just ran away, but this afternoon Dr. Gaskell found some blood spots on the carpet -- +At first the police thought he just ran away, but this afternoon Dr. Gaskell found some blood spots on the carpet -- Jesus. +Jesus. Crabtree said it sounded like something James would be messed up in. +Crabtree said it sounded like something James would be messed up in. Crabtree? He doesn't even know James. +Crabtree? He doesn't even know James. Who does? +The aunt, Hannah. Where did you take James that day? I told you, Sewickly Heights. +I told you, Sewickly Heights. But where? I need the street. +But where? I need the street. I don't know, Grady. I just dropped him on a corner. +He cribbed that from Borges. It beats 'What's your major?' +Right. Anyway, I was wondering if I could borrow your car. Mine's sort of out of commission. Sure. The keys are on the dresser next to... to your book. +I uh, I didn't finish, I... fell asleep. That good, huh? +That good, huh? No, it's not that, it's... +It's just that, you know, I was thinking about how, in class, you're always telling us 'that writers make choices -- at least the good ones. And, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying the book isn't really great -- I mean, really great -- but at times it's, well, very detailed, you know, with the genealogies of everyone's horses and all the dental records and so on -- and I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but it sort of reads, in places, like, well, actually, like... ...you didn't make any choices at all. And I was wondering if it might not be different if, maybe, when you wrote, you weren't always... under the influence. Uh huh. Well, thanks for the thought, but, as shocking as this may sound, I'm not the first writer to sip a little weed. And furthermore, it might interest you to know that one book I wrote, as you say, 'under the influence,' happened to win a little something called the PEN award which, by the way, I accepted 'under the influence.' +Professor Tripp. Chancellor. +Chancellor. I got the message you called. +I got the message you called. I got the message you called too. +Easy there. I'm sorry. It's these goddamned shoes. I don't know how anyone actually walks in these things. +I need to talk to you. That's funny. I need to talk to you, too. Perhaps you could put some of these coats in the upstairs guest room, Professor Tripp. +That's funny. I need to talk to you, too. Perhaps you could put some of these coats in the upstairs guest room, Professor Tripp. I don't believe I know where the upstairs guest room is. +I don't believe I know where the upstairs guest room is. Well then. I'd better show you. Terry -- +New? Walter just got it back from the framer today. +You go first. All right. This morning -- +All right. This morning -- I'm pregnant. +I'm sure. Well. This is... surprising. Does Walter...? +Well. This is... surprising. Does Walter...? I think Walter would find this a little more than surprising. +Emily left me this morning. She's left before... +She's left before... She's left the room before. She always came back. +So. I guess we just divorce our spouses, marry each other, and have this baby, right? Simple. Simple. +Is that Cristaile? Hm. +Hm. My God, I wear the same scent as a transvestite. She IS a transvestite, isn't: she? +My God, I wear the same scent as a transvestite. She IS a transvestite, isn't: she? If she's not now, Terry will make sure she is by the end of the evening. +If she's not now, Terry will make sure she is by the end of the evening. Has he asked to see the book yet? +Has he asked to see the book yet? Yes. +Yes. And? Are you going to tell him? +And? Are you going to tell him? No. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. +No. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. Neither do I. +Sara, my arm. I'm stuck, honey. I guess you're going to have to chew it off then. +You had another one, didn't you? You have to see a doctor, Grady. First thing Monday morning. All right? Is the thing -- is it over? +Is the thing -- is it over? Almost. Want to sit up? What's the matter? +Almost. Want to sit up? What's the matter? Nothing. I think I twisted my -- +Well... Don't. I know what you're going to say. +Don't. I know what you're going to say. No, really, Sara, I don't think you -- +No, really, Sara, I don't think you -- You love Emily. I know that. And you need to stay with her. +You love Emily. I know that. And you need to stay with her. I don't think I really have a choice in, that. Emily left me. +I don't think I really have a choice in, that. Emily left me. She'll come back. That's why I'm going to... to not have this baby. +Not have it. No. There's no way. I mean, don't you think there's no way? +No. There's no way. I mean, don't you think there's no way? Well, no, I don't see any way. And I know how hard it is for you to -- to lose this chance. +Well, no, I don't see any way. And I know how hard it is for you to -- to lose this chance. "No you don't. And fuck you for saying you do. And fuck you for ""saying... ...for saying there's just no way. Because there could be a way, Grady." +Who's gun is that? It's -- it's a souvenir. Of Baltimore. +Heavy. Smells like gunpowder. Caps. +Pow. You got me. +You got me. I love you, Grady. +I can't believe you hung up on me, you dick. Totally. I'm sorry. A lot was happening this morning. Can you talk? +Walter's on campus, being the good soldier for WordFest. But he's a basket case. Someone stole Marilyn's jacket last night. And Poe's missing, too. I heard. +I heard. You heard? How? +You heard? How? A twelve-year-old policeman came by the house this morning. +A twelve-year-old policeman came by the house this morning. Did you confess? +Your fingerprints were all over the bedroom. Really? That was fast. +Really? That was fast. I'm kidding. Hello? +I'm kidding. Hello? Oh. Right. Ha. Listen, about last night. There is something I need to tell... +Oh. Right. Ha. Listen, about last night. There is something I need to tell... Are you limping? Why are you limping? +Are you limping? Why are you limping? Hub? Oh, well, that's part of what I need to... +Hub? Oh, well, that's part of what I need to... Did you pass out again, Grady? Did you fall somewhere? +Did you pass out again, Grady? Did you fall somewhere? No. I mean. Well, actually, yes. Sort of. I don't remember. Listen, Sara, I have to tell you something. +No. I mean. Well, actually, yes. Sort of. I don't remember. Listen, Sara, I have to tell you something. All right. +Gee, Grady, that sounded so heartfelt. I don't know whether to swoon or smirk. Really, Sara, I... +I believe you. I believe you want to be with me. But this is not just about me anymore. I know that. I know what's at stake here... +I know that. I know what's at stake here... No, I don't think you do. And besides... I haven't decided yet. +No, I don't think you do. And besides... I haven't decided yet. About the baby. +About the baby. That... and you. +Who's that sitting in your car? James Leer. +James Leer. What's he doing out there? +What's he doing out there? I'm sort of helping him work through some issues. +Sara. I tried to call, but apparently there's something wrong... +Oh? It seems one of our students is -- missing and his parents found a dead dog in his bed. +It seems one of our students is -- missing and his parents found a dead dog in his bed. I'm sorry, Sara. I've been trying to tell you. It's all my -- +I'm not very happy with you right now, Grady. But more importantly, Walter's not very happy and he's gotten the police involved. They seem to think James Leer is somehow responsible for all of this. You wouldn't happen to know where James is, would you, Grady? Inside. +Inside. And the jacket? +And the jacket? Over there. In the backseat of the... +Someone stole my car. Grady. +Grady. Honestly. Someone stole my car. I parked it right there last night. +Honestly. Someone stole my car. I parked it right there last night. Are you sure you parked it there? +Are you sure you parked it there? Of course, I'm sure. Ah, Christ, the puberty police are back. +This is not what the university has in mind when it promises a liberal education, Grady. Would Walter really press charges? +Would Walter really press charges? It's within the realm. He takes his souvenirs pretty seriously. And he was just a wee bit prickly this morning. +You didn't happen to call the house last night, did you, Grady? I think I might have. +I think I might have. And what do you think you might have said? +And what do you think you might have said? I think I might've said I was in love with you. +He told you. He told me. +He told me. And what did you say? +And what did you say? I said it didn't sound like you. +I'm so glad to see you, Sara. I believe you. Did that nice doctor let you out? Or is this you improvising again, Grady? +I believe you. Did that nice doctor let you out? Or is this you improvising again, Grady? I'm through improvising. +I'm through improvising. Terry told me about Wonder Boys. Is it true? Did you lose it all? +Terry told me about Wonder Boys. Is it true? Did you lose it all? I lost it all. +I lost it all. Oh, Grady. You're such a putz. +Oh, Grady. You're such a putz. I know. +I know. And you're old. +Ouch. How many? Dozens. It's very sad. +I went and looked at some babies just now. Oh? +Oh? I guess you have to go on faith. +I guess you have to go on faith. Some times... +Did you tell Walter? I told Walter. +I told Walter. Does he still love you? +Does he still love you? It didn't come up. +Did you just make that up? In the hospital. I was kind of excited about it at the time, but then I was on pretty heavy painkillers. +You don't deserve me, you know. I know, but sometimes... +The more the merrier. Terry was telling me about you on the plane. It was all so interesting. +That perfume you're wearing, Antonia. It wouldn't happen to be Cristaile, would it? Why yes. How did you know? +Why yes. How did you know? Lucky guess. +That's a nice greenhouse. It's Mrs. Gaskell's. Her hobby. +Who's he barking at now? He's still barking at me. He's blind. +I need a ride. I'm your man. +Couldn't he have just thrown a shoe at the poor thing? James is... I don't know... +James is... I don't know... Disturbed. And when your friend Crabtree gets done with him, he's going to be even more disturbed. +Disturbed. And when your friend Crabtree gets done with him, he's going to be even more disturbed. I'm not sure that's possible. +I'm not sure that's possible. Sure it is. +Listen, Antonia -- Tony. Now that I'm home. +Tony. Now that I'm home. Tony. I'm sorry if things didn't work out so well for you tonight. With Terry. +Tony. I'm sorry if things didn't work out so well for you tonight. With Terry. Forget it. I should've known better. Your friend is just, I don't know, into collecting weird tricks. Mind? +He's writing his name in water. What's that? +What's that? Like most editors, he really wants to be a writer, but he's too busy living a novel to bother writing one. +Like most editors, he really wants to be a writer, but he's too busy living a novel to bother writing one. That sounds like a fancy excuse for being a shit. +That sounds like a fancy excuse for being a shit. He'd call it habit. But now... I get the feeling he's going through the motions a bit. +You mean because his career's ruined and all? Jesus. Is that what he told you? +Jesus. Is that what he told you? He said he hasn't had a success in ten years and everyone in New York thinks he's kind of a... +That's nice. All we have is a Japanese beetle trap. It's a bathtub. What she's standing under. +Walter? Yes? +Who's this ? It's Grady, Walter. +It's Grady, Walter. Grady? +Grady? GRADY Tripp. English Department. +GRADY Tripp. English Department. I know it's you, Grady, I just... Christ, Grady, do you know what time it is? +I know it's you, Grady, I just... Christ, Grady, do you know what time it is? I have... eight-fifteen. That's not right, is it? +I have... eight-fifteen. That's not right, is it? It's three-thirty, Grady. +It's three-thirty, Grady. This is important. +This is important. Oh? +Oh? I... I... +I... I... What is it, Grady? +What is it, Grady? I'm in love with your wife. +I'm in love with your wife. Excuse me? +Excuse me? Sara. I'm in love with her. +No. Nevertheless, I'd like to see you in my office Monday morning. +No. I guess you're here for the backpack. Oh... yeah. +Is it good? I don't know. It might be... +Say, Professor Tripp, is all that stuff true about Errol Flynn? How he used to put coke on his dick. To make himself, you know, like, last longer? Christ, Traxler. How the hell should I know? +Christ, Traxler. How the hell should I know? Well, jeez, you're reading his biography, aren't you? +Oh, right. Yeah, that's true. He used to rub all kinds of things on it. Paprika. Ground lamb. Sick. +Who's that guy? Her husband. +What exactly are we doing here, Professor Tripp? Taking the long way home. +Yo, Traxler. Hey, Professor Tripp. +Do you get high, Sam? Only when I'm working. +Holy shit. Are you serious? As a heart attack. +As a heart attack. Thanks -- Whoa, Professor Tripp, careful here... +Yes. He's a good kid. Maybe a little messed up. Well, I'm sure with the proper guidance he'll be fine. +What made you pull out that old thing? I was thinking of you. +I was thinking of you. And? +And? It's no Arsonist's Daughter, but I guess you know that. It's a young man's book. It got me remembering how it felt to be young. +It's no Arsonist's Daughter, but I guess you know that. It's a young man's book. It got me remembering how it felt to be young. Maybe I should read it. +Maybe I should read it. Oh, I don't think there's any danger of you aging prematurely, Grady. +Where's Emily, Hank? I don't know if she'd want me to tell you that, Grady. +I don't know if she'd want me to tell you that, Grady. I'm not going to stalk her. Hank. I just... want to know where I stand. +Where you stand? I -- just want to say I'm sorry. +I -- just want to say I'm sorry. She's in Philadelphia seeing Linda Aahby. The neurologist. +She's in Philadelphia seeing Linda Aahby. The neurologist. Neurologist? Why? What's wrong? +Neurologist? Why? What's wrong? Nothing's wrong. They went to Wellesley together. +Nothing's wrong. They went to Wellesley together. Oh. Right. Linda... I haven't been doing a lot of sleeping lately. My editor's in town and I have the book to finish and -- +Oh. Right. Linda... I haven't been doing a lot of sleeping lately. My editor's in town and I have the book to finish and -- Ah, right. The book. +Listen, Hank, I'm sorry about all this. I didn't come here to upset you and Irene. I want you to know that. Why did you come here, Grady? +"I -- just wanted to see her, I guess -- Emily. And to see you too -- you and Irene. And to let everyone know that, even though it may be difficult to comprehend now, this -- everything that's happening -- it's not forever. It doesn't mean ""Goodbye.""" Give me a break, Grady. +Well, there's always people you don't know at these things, but I can't say there was anybody particularly suspicious... Wait. There was one guy. Tiny fella. Claimed to be a jockey. A jockey? You mean, like -- +A jockey? You mean, like -- Horses, right. Vernon something... Hardapple. +Hardapple? I could be wrong. What happened anyway? +I could be wrong. What happened anyway? Huh? Oh, someone pulled a B&E on Dr. Gaskell's closet. And the dog's missing. +Huh? Oh, someone pulled a B&E on Dr. Gaskell's closet. And the dog's missing. That's weird. +That's weird. We figure the perpetrator let him out. He's blind and we figure he just wandered off and got run over. +We figure the perpetrator let him out. He's blind and we figure he just wandered off and got run over. The perpetrator. +The perpetrator. No, the dog. +No, the dog. Just kidding. +One other thing. About this kid, this student of yours -- Leer -- James Leer. You wouldn't know how I could get in touch with him, would you? I might have his number on campus. +I might have his number on campus. That's all right. We'll find him. +Are you riding with me, James? No, I'm going ho -- +George Sanders? Mr. Crabtree was saying how George Sanders killed himself, only he couldn't remember how. +Mr. Crabtree was saying how George Sanders killed himself, only he couldn't remember how. Pills. August 25, 1972. In a Costa Brava hotel room. +There's so many... Just a few then. The big ones. +Pier Angeli, 1971 or '72, also pills. Charles Boyer, 1978, pills again. Charles Butterworth, 1946, I think. In a car. Supposedly it was an accident, but, you know... He was distraught. Dorothy Dandridge, she took pills in, like, 1965. Albert Dekker, 1968, he hung himself. He wrote his suicide note in lipstick on his stomach. Alan Ladd, '64, more pills, Carole Landis, pills again, I forget when. George Reeves, Superman on TV, shot himself. Jean Seberg, pills of course, 1979. Everett Sioane -- he was good -- pills. Margaret Sullavan, pills, Lupe Velez, a lot of pills. Gig Young. He shot himself and his wife in 1978. There are more but I don't know if you would have heard of them. Ross Alexander? Clara Blandick? Maggie McNamara? Gia Scaia? I haven't heard of half of those. +I could swear I had a '63 Chateau Latour in here. You haven't seen it, have you? I doubt I'd recognize a '63 Chateau Latour if I was sitting on it. +I doubt I'd recognize a '63 Chateau Latour if I was sitting on it. You'd recognize it if you tasted it. +You'd recognize it if you tasted it. I doubt it, darling. +I doubt it, darling. Well, Q certainly will. And, given that he will be addressing 500 people in little over an hour... +Well, Q certainly will. And, given that he will be addressing 500 people in little over an hour... You want to keep him happy. +You want to keep him happy. If he's happy... I'm happy. +Don't need to think fast to handle beer. Took some talking to convince your super I was a relative. +Took some talking to convince your super I was a relative. I told her all my relatives are good- looking. +You look good, damn good, considering you're an old man now! Seems like the whole world's gotten younger. +You doing okay? Got a job at old Frank's place. His son runs it now. +Got a job at old Frank's place. His son runs it now. Oh man, that kid takes himself real serious. +Oh man, that kid takes himself real serious. Yeah, you still with Northland? +Yeah, you still with Northland? Foreman now. +Foreman now. No shit. +No shit. Five years. +Five years. Beautiful. How's business? +Beautiful. How's business? Booming. Lots of building going on. We can't keep up with all the work. In fact, I just hired a few new guys... +I'll never forget you got me started there. I just recommended you. You still had to prove yourself. +Hey, is that a school? K through sixth. +Living across the street from a grade school. Jesus. Something wrong with that? +Something wrong with that? I was just thinking of... the noise. +I was just thinking of... the noise. I like the noise. +One hundred and twenty feet. What? +What? Law says I can't come within one hundred feet of where children congregate. I figure the distance from my window to the school is one hundred and twenty. Make a bet? +Law says I can't come within one hundred feet of where children congregate. I figure the distance from my window to the school is one hundred and twenty. Make a bet? No way, man, you'd rob me blind! +But maybe it's not so healthy being so close, you know, to a school. You find me a decent place for under three hundred a month in this town, and I'll happily move out of this crap neighborhood. +I should go. Your sister worries, and when she worries she yells. How is she? +How is she? Annette? She's good... tense. +Annette? She's good... tense. When can I see her? +When can I see her? I'm working on it. +I'm working on it. Is it because of Anna? +Is it because of Anna? I don't know. She won't talk about it. +I don't know. She won't talk about it. You're the only one in the family who still talks to me. +You're the only one in the family who still talks to me. "I remember when they all referred to me as ""the little spic poor Annette married."" Except her brother. You treated me with respect. Look, you paid your dues. Your slate is clean now." +"I remember when they all referred to me as ""the little spic poor Annette married."" Except her brother. You treated me with respect. Look, you paid your dues. Your slate is clean now." How old is Anna? +How old is Anna? She'll be twelve next week. We're throwing a big party on Saturday. Wish I could ask you to come... +She'll be twelve next week. We're throwing a big party on Saturday. Wish I could ask you to come... Only if it's no closer than a hundred feet. +What are you doing? This little table is one heavy bitch. +Cherry. Huh? +Huh? It's made from cherry. That's a hard wood. +It's made from cherry. That's a hard wood. It's a nice table. +Notice the grain. See how deep and rich the red runs? Yeah. It's really nice. +It's my own design. You won't find another table like it in the world. It was a beautiful present. +It was a beautiful present. Then why the fuck are you giving it back to me?! +Then why the fuck are you giving it back to me?! You need a table. +You need a table. She was going to throw it out, wasn't she? Just toss it like a scrap of wood. +She was going to throw it out, wasn't she? Just toss it like a scrap of wood. It wasn't like that. +It wasn't like that. Then what? What?! +Then what? What?! She's got all this new furniture now. She said it didn't fit anymore, so I kept it in the attic. I thought you might like it. +She's got all this new furniture now. She said it didn't fit anymore, so I kept it in the attic. I thought you might like it. I made that table for you and Annette, for your wedding. I put a lot of love into it. +I made that table for you and Annette, for your wedding. I put a lot of love into it. I know, man. I love this table too. But I also love my wife. +What's happening? Mariners are pounding the shit out of the Tigers. +Fucking Mariners. Fucking Tigers. They got no pitching except for a bunch of green kids straight out of Double A or Southern Cal. How was the party? +Fucking Tigers. They got no pitching except for a bunch of green kids straight out of Double A or Southern Cal. How was the party? What party? +What party? The birthday party. +The birthday party. Oh, Anna's. It was great, man. Anna was so pretty. She looked like a princess, like one of those girls in a fairy tale, you know, like Snow White. +I've got some pictures. Want to see? No thanks. +No thanks. Ah, come on. +Ah, come on. I don't want to see any goddamn pictures. +I've got some good news. What's that? +What's that? Annette will see you. +Aren't you glad? When? +When? Soon. +Soon. Next week? The week after? +Next week? The week after? Early July. +Anna will be away at camp. The house will be quiet. It's better when it's quiet. Tell Annette I'm busy in July. +Tell Annette I'm busy in July. C'mon, Walter. +C'mon, Walter. You should see my appointment book. It got crazy. +You should see my appointment book. It got crazy. It's not what you think. +It's not what you think. Isn't it? +Isn't it? The important thing is that you and Annette need to talk. She needs to see you, and you need to see her. +The important thing is that you and Annette need to talk. She needs to see you, and you need to see her. I'm not a monster. +I'm not a monster. You're a good man, Walter. Okay, you did some wrong things, but inside you're a good, decent man. +You're a good man, Walter. Okay, you did some wrong things, but inside you're a good, decent man. Maybe I'm not a good man. Maybe inside I'm bad, and I'll always be bad. +Maybe I'm not a good man. Maybe inside I'm bad, and I'll always be bad. Don't talk like that. +I get horny as hell for other women. I mean I fantasize about raping some beautiful woman. You don't have to tell me this. +You don't have to tell me this. I'm just talking, man. +I'm just talking, man. Carlos, I never raped a woman. +Carlos, I never raped a woman. I know. I'm just saying I understand. +It's crazy out there. Young girls wearing mini this and mini that. Sometimes when I walk down the street and pass some sexy looking woman, she makes me feel like I'm bothering her. She stares down like she's afraid to look at me. Why she do that? Why can't she look me in the face? Maybe because you're looking her in the face. +Carlos, can I ask you something? Sure. +Sure. Nothing. +Nothing. Ask me. Ask me anything. +Ask me. Ask me anything. Did you ever... Do you have feelings for Anna? +What do you mean? I mean... feelings. +What are you looking at? Birds. +Birds. There's a million birds here. +There's a million birds here. In that birch tree is a nest. +There's little chicks! You want to see? Sure. +They're starlings. Is that right? +Is that right? I don't like starlings. +I don't like starlings. Why not? +Why not? They're extremely aggressive birds. Plus, their habits are rather filthy. +They're extremely aggressive birds. Plus, their habits are rather filthy. The mother sure has her hands full. +You always carry these? When I go bird-watching. It's why I like coming here. +When I go bird-watching. It's why I like coming here. It's just a city park. +It's just a city park. You'd be surprised how many kinds of birds you'll see here. Last week I saw a purple martin. And the week before that, I saw a solitary vireo. That's rare. +You'd be surprised how many kinds of birds you'll see here. Last week I saw a purple martin. And the week before that, I saw a solitary vireo. That's rare. A solitary vireo. I like that one. +A solitary vireo. I like that one. Their sound is quite musical. +Their sound is quite musical. How does it sound? +How does it sound? It's hard to describe. +It's hard to describe. Try. +Try. I can't. +I can't. I bet you can. +I'd love to hear it. It's a bright sound. +Something like that. That was terrific. +That was terrific. You should hear the bird. +You should hear the bird. You live around here? +You live around here? Not too far. Are you a bird-watcher too? +Not too far. Are you a bird-watcher too? Me? Nah. I'm more of a people watcher. +Me? Nah. I'm more of a people watcher. Were you watching me? +Were you watching me? Not at first. You would stare at the tops of the trees so intently. Any second I thought you would take off and fly. +Not at first. You would stare at the tops of the trees so intently. Any second I thought you would take off and fly. I have to go. +I have to go. Do you come here often? +Do you come here often? My daddy likes me home before dark. +My daddy likes me home before dark. It's good to listen to your daddy. +See anything interesting? Not yet. +What are you writing in that book? It's my bird book. +Don't you have friends? I have friends. +I have friends. A pretty girl like you should have a lot of friends. +A pretty girl like you should have a lot of friends. I'm not pretty. +I'm not pretty. Well... not in the common way. +What does that mean? It means uncommon beauty is commonly overlooked. Most people only notice birds with the brightest colors. +You tell me your name, I'll tell you mine. Robin. +Hiya, Walter. Cop. +What's up? Have a seat. +You don't know? I have no idea. +I have no idea. I think you do. +I think you do. Why don't you just tell me? +I haven't broken any laws. Then you won't mind if I look around. +Then you won't mind if I look around. I would. +I would. Got something to hide? +Got something to hide? Doesn't everybody? +Doesn't everybody? I could get a search warrant. +I could get a search warrant. If you could, you would have brought one today. +Cherry? Yeah. +Yeah. Unusual design for a contemporary piece. +It's not for sale. Who said I wanted to buy it? +And when you sit by the window, watching the girls in the little cotton skirts parade by, do you wave your wanger at the girls? Is that when you jerk off? You can't talk to me like -- +You can't talk to me like -- Like a piece of shit? In my eyes, you are a piece of shit. Think anyone would miss you if I threw you out the window right now? I could say you jumped when I came in. Who are they going to believe? Not you, because you'd be a dead piece of shit. +Okay? Okay. +Too much sun. What? +Your ivy. Too much direct sunlight. These plants don't like a lot of sun. They grow outside, don't they? +They grow outside, don't they? Sure they do. But outside they've got trees around them. The trees shade them from the sun. Of course, the plants enrich the soil around the trees. One of nature's symbiotic relationships. +Sure they do. But outside they've got trees around them. The trees shade them from the sun. Of course, the plants enrich the soil around the trees. One of nature's symbiotic relationships. You going to take me on a nature walk? +You going to take me on a nature walk? Don't be witty. Yesterday you took the number twelve bus from work, but instead of getting off at your normal stop, for some reason you stayed on. Why did you stay on the bus, Walter? +Don't be witty. Yesterday you took the number twelve bus from work, but instead of getting off at your normal stop, for some reason you stayed on. Why did you stay on the bus, Walter? I fell asleep. +You walked home. Yes. +"This one guy on death row, who I'll call Henry, told me about his last victim. Henry says how he's in the bedroom of a seven-year-old cutie named Adele. Her mother's in the living room watching TV. She's got the volume on so damn high he can hear David Letterman's jokes. Henry puts his hand over Adele's mouth and says, ""If you scream, little girl, I'll kill your mother."" And of course little Adele doesn't scream, doesn't cry, doesn't make a sound. Then he takes her hand and out they go through the front door. Ten days later they find Adele's body. Or what's left of it. You believe in fairy tales?" Fairy tales? +Fairy tales? Do you believe in them? +Do you believe in them? No. +No. Neither do I. What's the one with the woodsman? +Neither do I. What's the one with the woodsman? Woodsman? +Woodsman? The one with the ax? +The one with the ax? I don't know. +I don't know. Sure you do. He cuts open the wolf's stomach, and the girl steps out alive. +Sure you do. He cuts open the wolf's stomach, and the girl steps out alive. Little Red Riding Hood. +Little Red Riding Hood. That's it. Little Red Riding Hood jumps out of the wolf's guts with hardly a scratch. Ever see a seven-year-old girl sodomized almost in half? +You knew her? What? +What? The girl. +You don't know? Know what? +Know what? I'll be asking the questions. Last night, you hear anything unusual? Screams? Shouts? +I'll be asking the questions. Last night, you hear anything unusual? Screams? Shouts? No. +No. A man was badly beaten across the street. You know anything about that? +A man was badly beaten across the street. You know anything about that? I was asleep. +I was asleep. I didn't say what time the assault occurred. +I didn't say what time the assault occurred. You said last night. I went to bed pretty early. +You said last night. I went to bed pretty early. The assault took place at approximately seven thirty. +The assault took place at approximately seven thirty. I went to bed around seven. +I wasn't feeling well. I could take you downtown. +I could take you downtown. You could. It'd be a waste of your time, though. +He I.D.'d the assailant. The description matches you pretty well. I suppose if you're looking for a male between the ages of thirty and fifty, medium height, medium weight, medium build. Probably not too many men fit that bill. +I suppose if you're looking for a male between the ages of thirty and fifty, medium height, medium weight, medium build. Probably not too many men fit that bill. Just give me a straight answer, Walter, cause the irony goes right over my head. +That's a nasty scratch on your neck. I have a passionate girlfriend. +I have a passionate girlfriend. What's with the boxes? +What's with the boxes? You're a cop. Figure it out. +You're a cop. Figure it out. I'd say you're moving. +I'd say you're moving. It's a free country, isn't it? +The passionate one? Yes. +Yes. Then I'd say you're a lucky fellow. +Then I'd say you're a lucky fellow. I count my blessings. +I count my blessings. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you. +You sure you don't know nothing about this? 'Fraid not. +So. How are you adjusting? I'm adjusting okay. +I'm adjusting okay. And your new apartment? +And your new apartment? Apartment's okay. +Apartment's okay. Are you taking your medication? +Are you taking your medication? It gives me headaches. +It gives me headaches. But you are taking it? +But you are taking it? Yeah. +Sergeant Lucas. May I come in? You are in. +I'd keep away from him. What? +What? The new man. I'd keep away from him, if I were you. +The new man. I'd keep away from him, if I were you. Why's that? +Why's that? You don't want to know, but he's damaged goods -- real damaged goods, if you know what I mean. +You don't want to know, but he's damaged goods -- real damaged goods, if you know what I mean. Yeah, Mary-Kay, I think I do. Thanks a bunch for the advice. +Just trying to be helpful. Well, Mary, you're about as helpful as a broken sewer pipe. You do know what runs out of a sewer pipe, don't you? +Have you seen Walter? Lovers' quarrel? +People have the right to know. If she's here tomorrow, I'll fucking kill her. +Yeah, like the bird. Can I ask how old you are? +Can I ask how old you are? I'm twelve. +I'm twelve. No you're not. +No you're not. I will be in three months. I can't wait. I hate being eleven. It has to be the stupidest age in the world. +Walter. Do you have many friends? +Do you have many friends? No. +No. How come? +How come? A long time ago, I was sent far away. When they let me come back, all my friends were gone. +A long time ago, I was sent far away. When they let me come back, all my friends were gone. It sounds like you were banished. +It sounds like you were banished. Banished... yeah. +Banished... yeah. Birds are my friends. That sounds egotistical, but they are. Birds know I watch them, but they don't mind because they like being watched... if they know you won't hurt them. +Birds are my friends. That sounds egotistical, but they are. Birds know I watch them, but they don't mind because they like being watched... if they know you won't hurt them. Robin? +Robin? Yes? +Yes? Would you like to sit on my lap? +What? Would you like to sit on my lap? +Would you like to sit on my lap? No thank you. +No thank you. Are you sure? +Are you sure? I'm sure. Thank you all the same. +I'm sure. Thank you all the same. That's okay... doesn't matter. +That's okay... doesn't matter. Do you want me to sit on your lap? +I know a place in the park where only very small birds go. There are no people or dogs or ugly crows and pigeons. It's quiet except for the song of these tiny sparrowlike birds. Would you like me to take you there? They sound like finches. +They sound like finches. They could be finches. I don't know. We should go before it gets dark. +My daddy lets me sit on his lap. Does he? +Does he? Yes. +Yes. Do you like it when he asks you? +What's her name? Ms. Kramer. +Ms. Kramer. Tell Ms. Kramer what your daddy does. +Tell Ms. Kramer what your daddy does. I can't. +I can't. Yes you can, Robin. +You said you couldn't make the sound of a solitary vireo. But you did. Beautifully. I heard you. What will happen if I do? +What will happen if I do? Someone will talk to your daddy. And then he'll stop doing those things... the things you don't like. +But will he... ? Your daddy will always love you. +Your daddy will always love you. How do you know? +How do you know? I know because... it's just something I know. +I know because... it's just something I know. I don't want to hurt my daddy. +I don't want to hurt my daddy. Robin, listen to me. +Walter? Yes? +Yes? Do you still want me to sit on your lap? +No. I don't mind. +I don't mind. You should go home. +You should go home. Can't I stay a little longer? +Can't I stay a little longer? It's getting dark. Go home. +It's getting dark. Go home. Will I see you again? +And how's your job? The job's okay. +The job's okay. "Do I take ""okay"" to mean you feel good about working there?" +"Do I take ""okay"" to mean you feel good about working there?" I said the job is okay. +I said the job is okay. That's right, you did. Have you made any friends there? +That's right, you did. Have you made any friends there? I'm not running for Mr. Popularity. +I'm not running for Mr. Popularity. You seem a little hostile today. +You seem a little hostile today. That was a joke. +It's called sarcasm, Dr. Rosen. No need to call me doctor. I'm a therapist, not a psychiatrist. +No need to call me doctor. I'm a therapist, not a psychiatrist. It's all the same. +Walter, I'd like you to try something for me. What? +What? I'd like you to keep a journal. +I'd like you to keep a journal. A diary? +A diary? That's right. +That's right. No way. +No way. Why not? +Why not? Diaries have sent too many guys to prison. +Diaries have sent too many guys to prison. I don't understand. +I don't understand. Ev-i-dence. +Ev-i-dence. Oh. It never crossed my mind. +Oh. It never crossed my mind. Of course. +Of course. It was just an idea. +It was just an idea. Bad idea. +Bad idea. I thought a journal would encourage you to reflect. +I thought a journal would encourage you to reflect. Reflect. +Reflect. That's right. +That's right. You think reflection is good. +You think reflection is good. It's very good, indeed. +It's very good, indeed. How's that? +How's that? By reflection we can derive a deeper meaning from our experience in life. We gain greater understanding about ourselves that can lead to making better choices in our relationships, our careers, and our goals. +Try it. No fucking way. +No fucking way. Then think about it. +How's the journal? I'm still thinking about it. +I'm still thinking about it. I wish you'd give it a try. +You don't like coming here, do you? It's okay. +It's okay. But you don't like coming here. Be honest, Walter. +But you don't like coming here. Be honest, Walter. Honest? No. +Honest? No. Good. That's an honest answer. And why don't you like coming here? +Good. That's an honest answer. And why don't you like coming here? Honest? Your cheery personality makes my skin itch. +Honest? Your cheery personality makes my skin itch. Is it just my cheery personality that makes your skin itch? +Is it just my cheery personality that makes your skin itch? Forget it. +Forget it. Maybe it's the way I look. Or the sound of my name. +Maybe it's the way I look. Or the sound of my name. Rosen? I don't have a problem with that. +Rosen? I don't have a problem with that. Because if you did, I know a therapist named Ryan. I also know a therapist named Chung. +Because if you did, I know a therapist named Ryan. I also know a therapist named Chung. I don't need someone else. +How do you feel about that? I don't feel anything. +I don't feel anything. You have no feelings for your niece? +You have no feelings for your niece? She was born after they put me away. How can I have feelings? +She was born after they put me away. How can I have feelings? Then why are you talking about this? +Then why are you talking about this? Have to talk about something. +Have to talk about something. What are you afraid will happen? +What are you afraid will happen? I'm not afraid. I'm just saying that Carlos has a thing for his daughter, and if he isn't careful he's going to suffer. +I'm not afraid. I'm just saying that Carlos has a thing for his daughter, and if he isn't careful he's going to suffer. Have you talked to Carlos about your concerns? +Have you talked to Carlos about your concerns? I'm not that crazy. +I'm not that crazy. Do you think you're crazy? +Do you think you're crazy? If I'm not, then what the hell am I doing here? +If I'm not, then what the hell am I doing here? Why do you think you're here? +Why do you think you're here? You know why. It's part of the parole deal. +You know why. It's part of the parole deal. Is that what you are angry about? +Is that what you are angry about? Talking to you is like riding on a merry-go-round. +Talking to you is like riding on a merry-go-round. That is a marvelous image, Walter. Because by going in circles we find the things we missed the first time around. +How long is this going to take? We have a few more minutes. +We have a few more minutes. I mean, when will I be normal. +I mean, when will I be normal. We have a lot of work to do. +We have a lot of work to do. Will I ever be normal? +Will I ever be normal? I couldn't say. +I couldn't say. You couldn't say. +You couldn't say. I'm afraid not. +I'm afraid not. "Do you know what ""normal"" is?" +"Do you know what ""normal"" is?" I suppose it's however society defines it. +I suppose it's however society defines it. How do you define it? +How do you define it? I don't. +I don't. Then how do you know if your patients are getting better? +Then how do you know if your patients are getting better? They usually tell me. +They usually tell me. How do they know? +How do they know? What is your idea of being normal? +What is your idea of being normal? What is your idea of being a Jew? +What is your idea of being a Jew? Whatever my ideas are of being a Jew is not going to help you. Why don't we continue this on Thursday. +Whatever my ideas are of being a Jew is not going to help you. Why don't we continue this on Thursday. I want to be normal! +I want to be normal! Then go see a therapist who will tell you you're normal! +Then go see a therapist who will tell you you're normal! Fuck you, Rosen! +Fuck you, Rosen! I know -- +I know -- You don't know! +You don't know! I know you're frustrated, Walter, but -- +I don't know. What did you think would happen? +What did you think would happen? I don't know. +I don't know. What did you want to happen? +What did you want to happen? I don't know! +You know that if anything happens, I spend the rest of my life in prison. No parole, no nothing. Is this the first one? +Is this the first one? Of course it is! That's why I'm telling you! +Of course it is! That's why I'm telling you! I want you to calm down. +Walter, we'll pick up here next time. I want to talk about it now. +I want to talk about it now. We'll talk about it more on Thursday. +We'll talk about it more on Thursday. "Remember when you asked me what my idea of ""normal"" was?" +"Remember when you asked me what my idea of ""normal"" was?" Go home, Walter. +Go home, Walter. Now I know. It's when I can see a girl, be near a girl, even talk to a girl... and walk away. That's my idea of being normal. +You're very late. Sorry. +Sorry. Please don't do it again. +Please don't do it again. I said I was sorry. +I said I was sorry. I can't move my patients around to accommodate one person. +When did it all start? You mean my problem? +You mean my problem? "If by ""problem"" you mean your desire for prepubescent girls, yes." +"If by ""problem"" you mean your desire for prepubescent girls, yes." I don't know. +I don't know. That's not a helpful answer. +That's not a helpful answer. That's my answer. +Close your eyes. What? +What? I'd like you to close your eyes. +I'd like you to close your eyes. Why? +Why? To relax. +To relax. I'm relaxed. +I'm relaxed. Close your eyes and let your mind be blank. +Close your eyes and let your mind be blank. Hey, Rosen, you going to hypnotize me? +No, I am not going to -- Okay. Eyes closed, mind a blank. I'm all yours. Do it, Rosen. +"When I say the word ""girl"" what is the earliest image that you can remember?" Nothing. Can I open my eyes? +Nothing. Can I open my eyes? "No. When I say the word ""pretty,"" when I say the word ""pleasure,"" what is the earliest memory you see?" +"No. When I say the word ""pretty,"" when I say the word ""pleasure,"" what is the earliest memory you see?" I don't see -- +I don't see -- In your mind, Walter. Take your time. +Who do you see? I see my sister. +Where is she? What is she doing? How old -- Not so fast. +Not so fast. Sorry. Where is she? +Sorry. Where is she? In my bedroom, sleeping. +In my bedroom, sleeping. Where? +Where? In my bed, Rosen. Where do you think? +In my bed, Rosen. Where do you think? Where are you? +Where are you? In my bed too. +In my bed too. How old are you and your sister? +How old are you and your sister? We're little kids. +We're little kids. But roughly, how old? +But roughly, how old? I'm maybe about six... which would make her four. +And what are you doing? Just lying there. We're taking a nap. +Just lying there. We're taking a nap. A nap? +A nap? Yes, a nap. Kids do that. You ever take a nap, Rosen? +What the hell are you doing there? Did you and your sister often take naps together? +Did you and your sister often take naps together? I want you back in your chair! Right now! +Don't ever do that again. All right. +All right. I don't like nobody behind my back! +I don't like nobody behind my back! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been there. +Walter, what did you do while taking a nap with your sister? Nothing. +Nothing. Did you touch her? Did you take off her clothes? Did you take off your clothes? +Did you touch her? Did you take off her clothes? Did you take off your clothes? This is garbage! +This is garbage! I'm only asking questions. +I'm only asking questions. Okay I'll tell you what I did -- just to shut you up! I smelled her hair. +Okay I'll tell you what I did -- just to shut you up! I smelled her hair. What else? +What else? That's all. I just liked smelling her hair. +That's all. I just liked smelling her hair. You felt pleasure. +You felt pleasure. Yes. +Did you get an erection? I was six years old! +I was six years old! I meant later... when you two took naps. +When the two of you held each other. When you were ten or eleven and she was eight or nine. When your parents were out and the two of you were alone... completely alone in that big house. It was a small house. +It was a small house. All right. A small house... with small rooms. +All right. A small house... with small rooms. I smelled her hair. That's it. I just liked smelling her hair. +She's still really hurt... and angry. I don't know... if she will ever... forgive me. I understand that. I do. I just hope... I just want her to... Accept you? +It's going to take time, Walter. Time. +Time. How do you feel about that? +How do you feel about that? I feel... okay. +What? Are you okay? +Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fucking fantastic. +Want a ride? I'm all right. +I'm all right. It's fucking freezing out here. +There's something wrong with this picture. What picture? +What picture? I'm talking about you. +I'm talking about you. Me? +Me? Yeah, you. +Here's this nice, hard working guy who suddenly appears out of the blue and rides the bus to and from work. I mean, who rides the bus anymore? People without cars. +Very weird. No weirder than a sharp, young, good- looking woman working in a lumberyard. +No weirder than a sharp, young, good- looking woman working in a lumberyard. What's weird about that? +What's weird about that? Most women wouldn't choose it. +Most women wouldn't choose it. Guess I'm not like most women. +You're quiet at work. I'm just quiet. +I'm just quiet. You don't hang out with the other guys. +You don't hang out with the other guys. Neither do you. +Neither do you. They're all assholes. +You never spoke to me before. I thought you were a dyke. +Are you? What do you think? +Southern light. What? +What? Your windows face south. Northern light is the purest. But southern light is very good. +Your windows face south. Northern light is the purest. But southern light is very good. I'll buy a plant. +I'll buy a plant. You should buy several. I've got shitty light in my place, but my plants don't seem to mind. Light's important, but it's not everything. +You plan to drink both those beers? Sorry. +Is that a school? K through sixth. +K through sixth. Doesn't it get noisy? +Doesn't it get noisy? I like the noise. +I like the noise. My place faces a truck street. I've got cracks in every window from the shaking. +My place faces a truck street. I've got cracks in every window from the shaking. You must hate it. +You must hate it. I go backpacking a lot. Lose myself in the wilderness for a week or two. +What about bears? What about them? +What about them? They could eat you. +They could eat you. Yeah, they could. +I thought you were just shy, but now I think it's something else. What? +What? You're damaged. +Something happened to you. Yeah? +I'm not easily shocked. I get that impression. +I get that impression. So... what's your dark secret? +So... what's your dark secret? Why do you want to know? +Why do you want to know? Don't you think I should know before we have sex? +So? What? +What? Are you going to tell me your deep dark secret before we have sex? +So, you're not a dyke. Not tonight. +Hey, that was... intense. You're still here. +You're still here. I didn't say I didn't enjoy it. +I didn't say I didn't enjoy it. Of course. Sorry. I'm such a fucking asshole. +Of course. Sorry. I'm such a fucking asshole. No you're not. +No you're not. Don't tell me I'm not a fucking asshole when I know I'm a fucking asshole! +What's the problem? You think I have a problem? +You think I have a problem? Do you? +Do you? It's been a while since... +It's been a while since... Since you've had sex? +Tell me about it. Maybe later. +Maybe later. How about in the morning. +How about in the morning. The morning? +The morning? I thought I'd stay the night. +I thought I'd stay the night. What for? +What for? Well, Walter, this is going to sound off-the-wall, but I like to sleep with a man after we fuck. +Did I say something wrong? I suffer from insomnia. +I suffer from insomnia. Is that all? +Is that all? When I do sleep, I sweat a lot. Usually I get nightmares and wake up screaming. +When I do sleep, I sweat a lot. Usually I get nightmares and wake up screaming. I sleep like a dead horse. Anything else? +Hey, there. Hi. +Why do you want to know? Because I like you. +What's the worst thing you ever did? The worst? +The worst? Yeah. +So, what did you do? I molested little girls. +I molested little girls. Molested little girls? +Molested little girls? Yeah. +You're not joking. Twelve years in prison is no joke. +Look, you can go now. How many girls did you molest? +Sorry. What did you do to them? +What did you do to them? It's not what you think. +It's not what you think. How young? +How young? Between ten and twelve. Once a nine- year-old told me she was eleven. Once a fourteen-year-old told me she was twelve. I always asked how old they were. +I never hurt them. Never. Twelve years in prison? +Twelve years in prison? The judge had a thing about sex offenders. Later I heard his daughter had been raped. If I hadn't had a good lawyer, it would have been twenty- five to thirty. +Why don't you just go now, okay? I told you I'm not easily shocked. +I told you I'm not easily shocked. You should be shocked. Or do you get off on this shit? +You should be shocked. Or do you get off on this shit? What? +What? Get your kicks somewhere else. +Get your kicks somewhere else. Hey, I'm not -- +Hey, I'm not -- Depraved? My mistake. +Depraved? My mistake. Walter. +You don't molest little girls anymore, do you? No. Never again. +What was prison like? You don't really -- +You don't really -- Yes! I want to know. +You mean the time you're locked away? No. Prison is time. That's it. You think time, you feel time, you hear time. Your heart doesn't beat to live, it just beats... time. +No. Prison is time. That's it. You think time, you feel time, you hear time. Your heart doesn't beat to live, it just beats... time. I'm sorry, Walter. +I'm sorry, Walter. Don't be sorry for me. I did those things. No one else did. I'm dealing with that. +My father took me fishing here when I was a kid. He could name every fish in the lake. And for every fish he named, he had a fishing story. I hated fishing, but I loved his stories. Sounds like a special guy. +Sounds like a special guy. My father was an alcoholic who drank himself right into the grave. +I've changed. Why young girls, Walter? +Is it their innocence? Their beauty?... Their power. They seduce me. +Their power. They seduce me. They seduce you? +They seduce you? I was always the one seduced. +I was always the one seduced. You really believe that? +You really believe that? No. That's what I used to tell myself. +No. That's what I used to tell myself. And what do you tell yourself now? +And what do you tell yourself now? Nothing. It's over. +Nothing. It's over. Bullshit. +You know, this is crazy. What? +What? Being here, with me. +Being here, with me. I know. +I know. Most people say the odds are against me. +Most people say the odds are against me. What odds? +What odds? The percentages -- +For men like me. They say most of us end up back... there. I'm saying there are risks... seeing me. Well, most people are stupid. You want to talk about odds? One day I'll tell you how I survived as the youngest in a family of three sons. You wanna talk about odds? +Well, most people are stupid. You want to talk about odds? One day I'll tell you how I survived as the youngest in a family of three sons. You wanna talk about odds? Why not tell me now? +I got poked around... here and there. Which brother did this? +Which brother did this? All three -- in chronological order. +All three -- in chronological order. You must hate your brothers. +You must hate your brothers. I love my brothers. +I love my brothers. No you don't. +No you don't. I love all of them. They're strong, gentle men with families of their own. And if you asked them about what they did to me, they'd call you a fucking liar and then beat the shit out of you. +I love all of them. They're strong, gentle men with families of their own. And if you asked them about what they did to me, they'd call you a fucking liar and then beat the shit out of you. You never asked them about it? +You never asked them about it? Are you serious? +Are you serious? Not ever? +Not ever? Not ever. +Maybe this isn't a good idea. What? +What? Us seeing each other. +You're scared. I'm not scared. +I'm not scared. Neither am I. +Neither am I. Maybe you should be. +We should live together. Live together. +Live together. Move in with me. +It's a bad idea. I think it's a fucking good idea. +I don't even know how to live with myself. Just think about it. +Just think about it. I've got problems. +I've got problems. Who doesn't? +Who doesn't? Most people don't have my kind of problems. +Most people don't have my kind of problems. Guess that makes you pretty special. +Guess that makes you pretty special. That's not what I meant. +I say we call it quits. Fine. +What's this? What's it look like? +I don't need a plant. Everyone needs a plant. This ivy is one tough baby. It's a cutting from one of mine. +Thank you. You're such an asshole. +Don't be scared, Walter. I'm not scared. +I'm not scared. Prove it. +Don't do that. Do what? +Do what? Sneak up behind me like that. +Sneak up behind me like that. What's your fucking problem? +What's your fucking problem? Why's it always my fucking problem? +What's going on? Nothing. +I didn't sleep well. Do you want to talk about it? +Do you want to talk about it? I need a shower. +You okay? Yeah. +Yeah. Fucking liar. +I heard they were filthy birds. Not when they fly. +Goddamnit! D'you tell him we need it right now? I told him we had to get the umbilical unhooked ASAP. +This ain't no drill, slick. Make me proud. Piece of cake, baby. +Right through the brainpan. Deader'n dogshit, boss. Where're you? +Gimme a three-eighths socket on a long extension. So there you were-- There we were, side by side, on the same ship, for two months. I'm tool-pusher and we're testing this automated derrick of hers. So, we get back on the beach and... we're living together. +There we were, side by side, on the same ship, for two months. I'm tool-pusher and we're testing this automated derrick of hers. So, we get back on the beach and... we're living together. Doesn't mean you had to marry her. +Doesn't mean you had to marry her. We were due to go back out on the same ship. Six months of tests. If you were married you got a state-room. Otherwise it was bunks. +We were due to go back out on the same ship. Six months of tests. If you were married you got a state-room. Otherwise it was bunks. Okay, good reason. Then what? +Okay, good reason. Then what? It was alright for a while, you know. But then she got promoted to project engineer on this thing, couple years ago. +It was alright for a while, you know. But then she got promoted to project engineer on this thing, couple years ago. She went front-office on you. Tighten that for me, right there. That's it. +She went front-office on you. Tighten that for me, right there. That's it. Well, you know Lindsey, too damn aggressive-- Son of a--!! +You done impressing yourself, ace? No way that could just be seawater. +She-hit. We're being asked to cooperate in a matter of national security. Now you know exactly as much as I do. So just get your gear off and get up to control. There's some kind of briefing in ten minutes. +How you guys doing? I'm alright, I'm dealing. +You got it?! You got it? Yeah, yeah... yeah. It's turning. +Benthic Explorer, Benthic Explorer. Do you read, over? This is Deepcore-- Forget it, Sonny. They're gone. +Nice shot, Lins. What is that? You drop your dive light? +Bud! Hippy's on the bitch-box. It's a call from topside. That new company man. Kirkhill? That guy doesn't know his butt from a rathole. Hey, Perry! +What's goin' on, Boss? Folks, I've just been told to shut down the hole and prepare to move the rig. +Okay so far. How deep's the drop-off here? +Where are we? Missile compartment. Those are the launch tubes. +Lord Almighty. Hey, you okay? +Deep and slow, big guy. Deep and slow. Just breathe easy. I... they're all dead, Bud. They're all dead. I thought... some of them... you know... +I... they're all dead, Bud. They're all dead. I thought... some of them... you know... I'm taking you back out. +I'm taking you back out. No! I'm okay now. I just don't... I can't go any further in. +Okay, Jammer. No problem. You stay right here. I have to go there to the end... you'll see my lights. We'll stay in voice contact. Just hold onto the rope. Five more minutes. Okay? Yeah, okay. Okay. +Thanks. How you feeling, big guy? Figured I was dead, there, when I seen that angel comin' toward me. +I can't believe you let them do this! Hi, Lins. I thought you were in Houston. +Hi, Lins. I thought you were in Houston. I was, but I managed to bum a ride on the last flight out here. Only here isn't where I left it, is it, Bud? +I was, but I managed to bum a ride on the last flight out here. Only here isn't where I left it, is it, Bud? Wasn't up to me. +Wasn't up to me. We were that close to proving a submersible drilling platform could work. We had over seven thousand feet of hole down for Chrissake. I can't believe you let them grab my rig! +We were that close to proving a submersible drilling platform could work. We had over seven thousand feet of hole down for Chrissake. I can't believe you let them grab my rig! Your rig? +Your rig? My rig. I designed the damn thing. +My rig. I designed the damn thing. Yup, a Benthic Petroleum paid for it. So as long as they're hold the pink slip, I go where they tell me. +Yup, a Benthic Petroleum paid for it. So as long as they're hold the pink slip, I go where they tell me. You wimp. I had a lot riding on this. They bought you... more like least rented you cheap-- +You wimp. I had a lot riding on this. They bought you... more like least rented you cheap-- I'm switching off now. +I'm switching off now. Virgil, you wiener! You never could stand up to fight. You-- +Well, well. Mrs. Brigman. Not for long. +You never did like being called that, did you? Not even when it meant something. Is that One Night up in Flatbed? +Not even when it meant something. Is that One Night up in Flatbed? Who else? +I can't believe you were dumb enough to come down. Now you're stuck here for the storm... dumb, hot-rod... dumb. Look, I didn't come down here to fight. +You need me. Nobody knows the systems on this rig better than I do. What is something was to go wrong after the Explorer clears off? What would have you done? Wow, you're right! Us poor dumb ol' boys might've had to think for ourselves. Coulda been a disaster. +You wanna know what I think? Not particularly. Jeez, look where this is set! Morons. +I think you were worried about me. That must be it. +No, I think you were. Come on, admit it. I was worried about the rig. I've got over four years invested in this project. +I was worried about the rig. I've got over four years invested in this project. Oh, yeah, right... and you only had three years with me. +What are you still wearing that for? I don't know. Divorce ain't final. Forgot to take it off. +I haven't worn mine in months. Yeah, what's-his-name wouldn't like it. The Suit. +Yeah, what's-his-name wouldn't like it. The Suit. Do you always have to call him that? The Suit? It makes you sound like such a hick. His name is Michael. +"So what about ""Michael"" then... Mr. Brooks Brothers... Mr. BMW. You still seeing him?" No, I haven't seen him in a few weeks. +No, I haven't seen him in a few weeks. What happened? +What happened? Bud, why are you doing this? It's not part of you life any more. +Bud, why are you doing this? It's not part of you life any more. I'll tell you what happened... you woke up one day and realized the guy never made you laugh. +I'll tell you what happened... you woke up one day and realized the guy never made you laugh. You're right, Bud. It was just that simple. Aren't you clever? You should get your own show... Ask Dr. Bud, advice to the lovelorn from three hundred fathoms. +Did you get anything on the cameras. Video or anything? No. Look, forget it. I don't want to talk about it. +No. Look, forget it. I don't want to talk about it. Fine. Be that way. +Fine. Be that way. I don't know what I saw. Okay? Coffey wants to call it a Russian submersible, fine. It's a Russian submersible. No problem. +I don't know what I saw. Okay? Coffey wants to call it a Russian submersible, fine. It's a Russian submersible. No problem. But you think it's something else. What? One of ours? +But you think it's something else. What? One of ours? No. +No. Whose then? Lindsey? Talk to me... +Jammer saw something in there, something that scared the hell out him-- His mixture got screwed up. He panicked and pranged his regulator. +His mixture got screwed up. He panicked and pranged his regulator. But what did he see that made him panic? +But what did he see that made him panic? What do you think he saw? +What do you think he saw? I don't know. I DON'T KNOW! +Hippy, just relax. You're making the women nervous. Cute, Virgil. +What's the scoop, ace? I can get power to this module and sub-bay if I remote these busses. I've gotta get past the mains, which are a total melt-down. +Need some help? Thanks. No, I can handle it. Bud... there won't be enough to run the heaters. In a couple hours this place is going to be as cold as a meat locker. +Thanks. No, I can handle it. Bud... there won't be enough to run the heaters. In a couple hours this place is going to be as cold as a meat locker. What about O-2? +What about O-2? Brace yourself. We've got about 12 hours worth if we close off the sections we're not using. +Brace yourself. We've got about 12 hours worth if we close off the sections we're not using. The storm's gonna last longer than 12 hours. +The storm's gonna last longer than 12 hours. I can extend that. There's some storage tanks outboard on the wrecked module. I'll have to go outside to tie onto them. +Hey, Lins... I'm glad your here. Yeah? Well I'm not. +Come on, you guys... look, this is the little one right here. You can see how it's kind of zigging around. If you say so. It could be anything. +If you say so. It could be anything. I'm telling you what is there. You're just not hearing. The impulses somehow aren't getting from you ears to your brainpan. There's something down there. Something not... us. +Jesus, Lindsey-- Bud, something really important is happening here. +Bud, something really important is happening here. Look. I'm just trying to hold this situation together. I can't allow you to cause this kind of hysteria-- +Look. I'm just trying to hold this situation together. I can't allow you to cause this kind of hysteria-- Who's hysterical? Nobody's hysterical! +All I'm saying is when you're hanging on by your fingernails, you don't go waving you arms around. I saw something! I'm not going to go back there and say I didn't see it when I did. I'm sorry. +I saw something! I'm not going to go back there and say I didn't see it when I did. I'm sorry. God, you are the most stubborn woman I ever knew. +God, you are the most stubborn woman I ever knew. I need you to believe me, Bud. Look at me. Do I seem stressed out? Any of the symptoms of pressure sickness, any tremors, slurred speech? +I need you to believe me, Bud. Look at me. Do I seem stressed out? Any of the symptoms of pressure sickness, any tremors, slurred speech? No. +No. Bud, this is me, Lindsey. Okay? You know me better than anybody in the world. Now watch my lips... I saw these things. I touched one of them. And it wasn't some clunky steel can like we would build... it glided. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. +It was a machine, but it seems almost alive. Like a... dance of light. Bud, you have to trust me... please. I don't think they mean us harm. I don't know how I know that, it's just a feeling. How can I go on a feeling? You think Coffey's going to go on you 'feeling'? +How can I go on a feeling? You think Coffey's going to go on you 'feeling'? We all see what we want to see... Coffey looks and he sees Russians, he sees hate and fear. Bud, you have to look with better eyes than that. +Look, goddamnit, if you won't do something about it, I will. Lindsey! Wait a second-- +You dumb jarhead motherf-- Chill out, Lindsey!! +He's got the shakes? Look, the guy's operating on his own, cut off from chain of command. He's exhibiting symptoms of pressure-induced psychosis. And he's got a nuclear weapon. So, as a personal favor to me... will you put your tongue in neutral for a while? +I think it likes you. It's trying to communicate. +They must've learned how to control water... I mean at a molecular level. They can plasticize it, polymerize it... whatever. Put it under intelligent control. Maybe their whole technology is based on that. Controlling water. +He's jammed the mechanism. Now what? +Okay, I'm gonna free-swim to hatch six... get inside, get the door open from the other side. Bud, that water's only a couple degrees above freezing. +Bud, that water's only a couple degrees above freezing. Then I guess you better wish me luck, huh? +You owe me one, Virgil. Can we negotiate later? There's Big Geek. +You did okay, back there. I was fairly impressed. Not good enough. We still gotta catch Big Geek. +Not good enough. We still gotta catch Big Geek. Not in this thing. +You totaled it, huh? Yeah. So sue me. +It's flooding like a son of the bitch. You noticed. +Try again. Deepcore, this is Cab One. We need assistance, over. Deepcore, this-- +Well, that's that. Wonderful. There's some light from somewhere... +Good hundred yards, I'd say. They'll come out after us. +They'll come out after us. Yeah, but it's gonna take them a while to find us. We better get this flooding stopped. +You see where it's coming in? Somewhere behind this panel. Hold this. +Can't get to it. Have to pull this panel off. You go any tools? I don't know, look around. +Son of a bitch! Calm down, Bud. +Okay... okay. We gotta get you out of here. How? +How? I don't know how! +I don't know how! We've only got one suit. +We've only got one suit. I know! I know! But we better come up with something. +I know! I know! But we better come up with something. Aaargh!! I'm freezing! +Okay, look, you swim to the rig and come back with another suit. Seven, eight minute swim each way... not enough time. Look at this... Time I get back you'll be-- +Alright, put this on. What, you growing gills all of a sudden? You got it on, keep it on. +What, you growing gills all of a sudden? You got it on, keep it on. Don't argue, goddamnit, just-- +Don't argue, goddamnit, just-- No way! Forget it. Not an option. +Lindsey, just put the thing on and shut up-- NO!! Now be logical, Bud, you're-- +NO!! Now be logical, Bud, you're-- FUCK LOGIC!! +Listen... will you listen to me for a second!? You're for the suit on and you're a better swimmer than me. Right? So I got a plan... What's the plan? +What's the plan? I drown, you tow me back to the rig-- +I drown, you tow me back to the rig-- WHAT KIND OF PLAN IS THAT!?? +It is insane. It's the only way, Bud. Now trust me. +Oh God, Lins... I-- Tell me later. +Hey... big boys don't cry, remember? Hi, lady. +Hi, lady. Hi, tough guy. I guess it worked, huh? +Hi, tough guy. I guess it worked, huh? 'Course is worked. You're never wrong, are you? How d'you feel. +'Course is worked. You're never wrong, are you? How d'you feel. I've been better. Next time it's your turn, okay? +No, Bud, no... not you. Who then? +Hello, Brigman. Hello, Mrs. Brigman. +We'll take reading as we go. If the reactor's breached or the warheads have released radioactive debris, we'll back away. Simple. Okay... Hippy's not going... McWhirter, you can run Little Geek. +Look, it's three AM. These guys are running on bad coffee and four hours sleep. You better start cutting them some slack. I can't afford slack, Brigman. +I can't afford slack, Brigman. Hey, you come on my rig, you don't talk to me, you start ordering my guys around. It won't work. You gotta know how to handle these people... we have a certain way of doing things here. +Hey, you come on my rig, you don't talk to me, you start ordering my guys around. It won't work. You gotta know how to handle these people... we have a certain way of doing things here. I'm not interested in your way of doing things. Just get your team ready to dive. +We'll go in through that large breach. Let's go, guys. +Coffey, we're a little pressed for time. Monk, Schoenick... secure the package. +Did you find Wilhite? No. +Virgil? God, I hate that bitch. +God, I hate that bitch. Yeah, well you never should have married her then. +Just get around so your lights are on the hatch. Check. Then I just hang with these guys, right? +What's the matter with you? Now we're right in the middle of this big-time international incident. Like the Cuban Missile Crisis or something. +No, I mean it. Those SEALs aren't telling us diddly. Something's going on. Hippy, you think everything's a conspiracy. +Hippy, you think everything's a conspiracy. Everything is. +That's Perry. That's it then. Finler, McWhirter, Dietz, and Perry. Jesus. +That's it then. Finler, McWhirter, Dietz, and Perry. Jesus. Do we just leave him there? +Do we just leave him there? Yeah, for now. Our first priority's to get something to breathe. +Come on, man. What else could it be? Why bring it here? +Why bring it here? It's gotta be, like, an emergency plan to keep it away from the Russians... Hotwire one of the nukes with some kinda detonator, put it back in the sub, and fry the whole thing, slicker'n snot. Oh, uh... hi, Lins. +Lins, stay away from that guy. I mean it. Yeah. The dude's in bad shape... you see his hands? +Go to the infirmary... get the cart .. oxygen... de-fib kit... adrenaline in a... ten cc syringe... and some... heating blankets. You got all that? Got it. Over. +Got it. Over. Meet me in the moonpool. Move fast. +Is that it? Is this right? Yeah! I mean, I don't know... it looks right. +Yeah! I mean, I don't know... it looks right. All right. Do it! +Hey, you guys are milking that job. That's cause we love freezin' our butts off out here sooo much, boss. +Triple time sounds like a lotta money, Bud. It ain't. I'm sorry... We're here now. Let's get her done. +He's convulsing! It's his mixture! Too much oxygen! +'Fish'? Yuh? +Yuh? Take the first watch in sonar. Hippy, you handle the exterior surveillance. One Night, see if you can get that transmitter working for me, okay? +Hafta... go on to... the moonpool. Only way. I can't... make it... podner. +Howdy, y'all. Hey, Lindsey! I'll be damned! You shouldn't be down here sweet thing, ya'll might run ya stockings. Couldn't stay away. You running mixture for us? Good. Couldn't ask for better. +Couldn't stay away. You running mixture for us? Good. Couldn't ask for better. Okay, here we go. Start equalizing, y'all. +Cat, you tie onto this manifold. There's some tanks on the other side; I'm gonna go check them out. You watch yourself. +You better not say you missed that. Missed what? +Y'all could be more specific. Not us. Not human. Get it? Something non- human, but intelligent... +I think they're from 'you know'. Some place that has similar conditions... cold, intense pressure. No light. Happy as hogs in a waller down there, prob'ly. +We should be dead. We didn't decompress. Out blood oughta be fizzin' like a warm, shook- up Coke. +Those guys ain't so tough. I fought plenty of guys tougher'n them. Now we get to hear about how he used to be a contender. +Hippy, you pussy. What good's the money if your dick drops off in six months? +Quiet! Quiet! Turn it up, bozo. +Are we talkin' little space friend here? Right on! Hot rods of the Gods. Right, Lins? Hey, no really! It could be NTIs. The CIA has known about them for years. They abduct people all the time. There was this woman I knew in Albuquerque who-- +That thing was probably their version of Big Geek... like an ROV. Just checking is out, huh? How come? +SHIT! Give me that!! +Lady, we better fish or cut bait. Just hold your water, okay? So Kirkhill, we gonna do this or we gonna talk about it? +Get comfortable. The bad news is we got six hours in this can, blowing down. The worse news is it's gonna take us three weeks to decompress back to the surface later. We've been fully briefed, Mrs. Brigman. +We've been fully briefed, Mrs. Brigman. Don't call me that, okay... I hate that. Alright, from now on we watch each other closely for signs of HPNS... +Look, we've all made chamber runs to this depth. We're checked out. Oh... chamber runs. Uh huh, that's good. Well, hey... you guys know any songs? +Cab One, do you see it yet? The magnetometer is pegged. Side-scan is showing a big return, but I don't see anything yet. Are you sure you got the depth right on this? +Cab One, radiation readings? Neutron counter's not showing very much. +Neutron counter's not showing very much. Wilhite, anything? +Copy that, continuing forward. You just want me to get shots of everything, right? Roger, document as much as you can, but keep moving. We're on a tight timeline. +Roger, document as much as you can, but keep moving. We're on a tight timeline. Copy that. +Radiation is nominal. The warheads must still be intact. How many are there? +How many are there? 24 Trident missiles. Eight MIRVs per missile. +24 Trident missiles. Eight MIRVs per missile. That's 192 warheads... And how powerful are they? +I want 'round-the-clock manning of the sonar shack and the exterior cameras. We need early warning if the Soviet craft try another incursion. Gimme a break! Coffey, these things live three and a half miles down on the bottom of an abyssal trench! Trust me... they're not speaking Russian. +You've got some huevos bringing this... thing... into my rig! With everything that's been going on up in the world, you bring a nuclear weapon in here? Does this strike anyone as particularly psychotic, or is it just me? You don't need to know the details of this mission... you're better off if you don't. +You don't need to know the details of this mission... you're better off if you don't. You're right... I don't. I just need to know that this thing is out of here! You hear me, Roger Ramjet? +You're right... I don't. I just need to know that this thing is out of here! You hear me, Roger Ramjet? Mrs. Brigman, you're becoming a serious impediment to this mission. I believe the stress is affecting you. Escort her to quarters and have Monk prepare a tranquilizer. +Deepcore, Deepcore... this is Cab Three on final approach. Gotcha, Cab Three. Who is that? That You, Lindsey? +Cab Three, check. Right behind you. What's you depth, Cab Three? +What's you depth, Cab Three? 1840... 50... 60... 70... +1840... 50... 60... 70... Going over the wall. Coming to bearing 065. Everybody stay tight and in sight. +Figured that out for yourself, did you? We got Russian subs creeping around. Shit! Something goes wrong they could say anything happened down here, man. Give our folks medals, know what I mean? +A non-terrestrial intelligence. Non-Terrestrial Intelligence. NTIs. Yeah, I like that better then UFOs. Although that works too... Underwater Flying Objects. +Look, you can just punch into his little chip where you want him to go, and he goes, right? Well, yeah, but the tether off it ain't gonna be fancy. When he gets down there he'll just sit, like a dumb-shit. Unless something wanders through view of the camera, you'll get nada. +Well, yeah, but the tether off it ain't gonna be fancy. When he gets down there he'll just sit, like a dumb-shit. Unless something wanders through view of the camera, you'll get nada. Let's go for it. We could get lucky. +No. Just you and me. We get some proof, then tell them. Hippy, look... if was can prove to Coffey it's not Russians, maybe he'll ease off the button a little. I gotta tell you, that guy scares me a lot more than whatever's down there. A.J. Squared Away goddamn jarhead robot. Okay, gimme a couple hours on this. +Schoenick... your Lieutenant is about to make a real bad career move... That guy's crazier'n a shithouse rat! +He can't get to the door... I think he's going to try and take him himself. He couldn't be that dumb. The guy's a trained killer. Bud's idea of a fight is arm-wrestling One Night over laundry duty. +12000 feet. Jesus, I don't believe he's doing this. Shut up, Hippy. Bud, how you doing? +Uh, oh... What kind of luminous things, Bud? +Fluid breathing system. We just got them. We use it if we need to go really deep. How deep? +How deep? Deep. It's classified... you know. Anyway, you breathe liquid, so you can't be compressed. Pressure doesn't get to you. +Hey! Check this out. +Stand by on the ROV. Perry, stand by on the ROV. Sorry about this, little buddy. Better you than me, know what I mean? +Getting a reading? It's twitching but it's below the line you said was safe. +You boss is having a full-on meltdown. Guy's fixing to pull the pin on fifty kilotons and we're all ringside! What's the timer set for? +High-Pressure Nervous Syndrome. Muscle tremors, usually in the hands first. Nausea, increased excitability, disorientation. Very good. About one person in twenty just can't handle it. They go buggo. They're no way to predict who's susceptible, so stay alert. +4800 feet. It's official. Bud, according to Monk here, you just set a record for the deepest suit dive. Bet you didn't think you'd be doing this when you got up this morning. +8500 feet, Bud. Everything okay? Ask him a pressure effects. Tremors, vision problems, euphoria. +Ask him a pressure effects. Tremors, vision problems, euphoria. Ensign Monk want to know how you feel. +He's losing it. Talk to him. Keep him with us. Bud, it's the pressure. Try to concentrate. Concentrate on my voice. Just listen to my voice. +He can still make it. I know how alone you feel... alone in all that cold blackness... but I'm there in the dark with you, Bud you're not alone... +What kind of light? He's hallucinating badly. +Would we see the flash? Through three miles of water? I don't know. +But your friend is waiting downstairs. She'll wait. +When do you have to go back? I don't know... It depends on Ettore... He's now in the process of negotiating for a contract here in Sicily... +I don't know... It depends on Ettore... He's now in the process of negotiating for a contract here in Sicily... Then how come you're not with him? +Then how come you're not with him? What a question... Because I want to be with you, naturally. I hope he doesn't close the deal so he'll leave me alone at least for a few days... Isn't this water wonderful! +I'd like to find a place where I can get some peace and rest, maybe around here somewhere. I'd like to try... What could be more restful than this?... Excuse me, what is it that you want to try? +How are you? Fine. Can't you see so yourself? +Anna... Maybe it would be better to wait a while. Wait for what? +Sandro... A month is too long a time. I have become used to being without you. You'll get over it soon. It's the usual anxiety. +You'll get over it soon. It's the usual anxiety. A little more so this time. +A little more so this time. So, it will just take you a little longer to get over it. +So, it will just take you a little longer to get over it. But I think we should talk about it. Or are you fully convinced that we too won't understand each other? +But I think we should talk about it. Or are you fully convinced that we too won't understand each other? There will be plenty of time to talk about it later. We'll get married soon. That way we'll have more time... +There will be plenty of time to talk about it later. We'll get married soon. That way we'll have more time... In this case, getting married means nothing. Aren't we already the same as being married? And Corrado and Giulia -- aren't they already the same as being married? +In this case, getting married means nothing. Aren't we already the same as being married? And Corrado and Giulia -- aren't they already the same as being married? But why rattle your brains by arguing and talking... Believe me, Anna, words never help at all. They only serve to confuse. I love you, Anna. Isn't I that enough? +But why rattle your brains by arguing and talking... Believe me, Anna, words never help at all. They only serve to confuse. I love you, Anna. Isn't I that enough? No. It's not enough... I told you before that I would like to get away for a while and be alone. +No. It's not enough... I told you before that I would like to get away for a while and be alone. But you just said that a month was too... +But you just said that a month was too... I mean, to stay away longer -- two months... a year... three years... Yes, I know, it sounds absurd. And I feel awful. The very idea of losing you makes me want to die... And yet... I... I just don't have the same feeling for you any more. +I mean, to stay away longer -- two months... a year... three years... Yes, I know, it sounds absurd. And I feel awful. The very idea of losing you makes me want to die... And yet... I... I just don't have the same feeling for you any more. And what about yesterday... at my house... didn't you have any feeling for me, even then? +And what about yesterday... at my house... didn't you have any feeling for me, even then? There you go... Must you always spoil everything! +But where are you going? I'm thirsty. +I'm thirsty. If I had a man waiting for me for half an hour and whom I hadn't seen for a month ... +You know, I could just as well go without seeing him today. What! After giving us such a run around... +Did you sleep well? Yes, fairly well. But I went to bed last night planning to do some thinking about a number of things ... instead, I fell asleep. +Yes, fairly well. But I went to bed last night planning to do some thinking about a number of things ... instead, I fell asleep. I didn't know one could sleep so well on a yacht. It lulls you ... +Which one shall I wear? This one is gorgeous. +This one is gorgeous. Then why don't you try it on? +Claudia, aren't you coming? I'm certainly not going to swim across. +I'm certainly not going to swim across. We'll send the raft back to you. +Isn't it fashionable any more to put on a sailor's cap with the name of the yacht? No, Dad, it isn't. +And how long will you be away? Four or five days. +Four or five days. Oh, very well. I'll just spend the weekend alone by myself and take a little rest. I should be used to it by now. +Used to what? To the fact of my retirement, not only as a diplomat but also as a father. +To the fact of my retirement, not only as a diplomat but also as a father. But how could you say such a thing? +But how could you say such a thing? Because it's true. After thirty years -- not having ever spoken the truth to anyone, I should at least allow myself to do so with my own daughter. +Because it's true. After thirty years -- not having ever spoken the truth to anyone, I should at least allow myself to do so with my own daughter. And have you any other truths to tell me? +And have you any other truths to tell me? You already know what they are. +You already know what they are. You mean Sandro, don't you? Well, I beg of you, please, spare me that. Goodbye, Dad. +Up until now, Dad, I've been the one who hasn't wanted to marry him. It's the same thing. Goodbye, dear. +I presume by this method that you'll be able to uncover some new clue, either a handkerchief or an article of clothing... In other words, something which your men have not been able to find as yet. Without any doubt, sir. If anything belonging to the girl who has run away is still here on this island... +Without any doubt, sir. If anything belonging to the girl who has run away is still here on this island... Allow me to inform you that my daughter is not a fugitive. +Allow me to inform you that my daughter is not a fugitive. I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to put it that way. But, you must understand, sir, that I... +I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to put it that way. But, you must understand, sir, that I... I understand very well. Only I don't want any rash assumptions to be made. +This looks to me like a good sign. Don't you think so? As far as I'm concerned, anyone who reads the Bible could not have committed an act of impropriety. Why... as a matter of fact, I remember when I was in China, many years ago, I happened to be involved in a similar situation, concerning an English woman, the wife of Ambassador Shafford, a good friend of mine. There, too, we found a Bible... And I said at the time that whatever had happened, that clue alone had definitely ruled out the possibility of... suicide. Why, it was logical, I said, that whoever reads the Bible believes in God and therefore... No? You don't believe it? Well, as a matter of fact, I was right... The woman was found two days later. It was a case of amnesia. Sir, if you have no objections, may we start the search? +It's already two hours... What are we going to do? It takes about twenty to twenty-two hours for the current to reach here from Lisca Bianca. +These people are contemptible. They have no sense of dignity at all. And you say that came from Lisca Bianca? +And you say that came from Lisca Bianca? It couldn't have come from anywhere else. At least, somewhere from that vicinity... But I really can't understand it. Contraband cigarettes on that island! It's the first time that ever happened. +It couldn't have come from anywhere else. At least, somewhere from that vicinity... But I really can't understand it. Contraband cigarettes on that island! It's the first time that ever happened. Look... I'd like to get back to Lisca Bianca. +Look... I'd like to get back to Lisca Bianca. But how could we...at a time like this when we just... well, let's at least first have a look around the other islands. Could be that something might turn up there. +But how could we...at a time like this when we just... well, let's at least first have a look around the other islands. Could be that something might turn up there. But even here we were supposed to find who knows what... And all we bring back with us is a crate of cigarettes. +But even here we were supposed to find who knows what... And all we bring back with us is a crate of cigarettes. As you wish. +What is that one over there called? That must be Basiluzzo. +That must be Basiluzzo. Sounds like the name of a fish -- merluzzo, basiluzzo... +Say, Claudia, wouldn't you like to climb up with me and take a look over there? At what? +At what? At the ruins. They're very ancient, you know. +Well? Well, what? +Well, what? Have you decided? +Have you decided? All I said was that it sounds like a good idea. +How wonderful! That's Patrizia's way of letting us know she's with us. +I think you're very sweet, Corrado. More so than the shark? +More so than the shark? There's no comparison. +There's no comparison. Then why don't we go up and see the ruins? +Somebody must live here! But Anna wouldn't be staying with the kind of people who live here. +Really! Still, it remains to be seen why she invented a shark. What was her purpose in that? Maybe you'd better ask him. +Maybe you'd better ask him. What were you and Anna arguing about?... Excuse me for being so indiscreet, but this is serious... +I have a feeling that you're not used to being alone. That seems to apply to you also... +Don't be so humble. How should I be ... arrogant? +How should I be ... arrogant? But of course... arrogant, haughty... Hasn't Anna ever told you? +There's nothing much to laugh at. And that's what I say, too. We could have all been killed. +Shall we go for a swim? Oh, no... please... not here. It looks too dangerous. +Twelve years ... But why haven't they married? And why haven't they left each other? +And why haven't they left each other? I'm beginning to have my doubts. It couldn't be that they're in love? +I'm beginning to have my doubts. It couldn't be that they're in love? Could be. They're the kind of people who are capable of anything. +Find anything? No. +As far as I'm concerned, I think she's alive... Why, even this morning... that business about the shark... it wasn't at all true. And why do you tell us this only now? +And why do you tell us this only now? I... I don't know... I didn't think it was worthwhile... She was laughing over it... +Nothing but the usual argument... The only thing was -- if I remember correctly -- that she said she had a need to be alone. And how do you explain that? +Nothing... nothing at all! But why don't you tell him? A girl who was with us has disappeared. +And I suppose it's my fault... Why don't you tell him that too. That's what you believe, isn't it? Rather than being so occupied with my thoughts, you would have been better off trying to understand what Anna was thinking. +Are you feeling better? I'm sorry about last night. Please forgive me. +I'm sorry about last night. Please forgive me. You're very fond of Anna, aren't you? +You're very fond of Anna, aren't you? Yes, very much so. +Yes, very much so. Has she ever spoken to you about me? +Has she ever spoken to you about me? Occasionally, but always with affection. +Occasionally, but always with affection. And yet, she seemed to feel that our love for her -- mine, yours, even her father's, in a certain sense -- weren't enough for her, or didn't mean much to her. +And yet, she seemed to feel that our love for her -- mine, yours, even her father's, in a certain sense -- weren't enough for her, or didn't mean much to her. I know. I keep asking myself what I could have done to prevent all this from happening. +I think that you might go and have a look yourself. Yes, maybe that is better. +Where are you going?... To Montaldo's? Yes. +Yes. Then I'll go with you. +Have you read it?... They're asking for anyone with information to get in touch with them. Yes. I had also thought of going there to talk with them... +Yes. I had also thought of going there to talk with them... Yes, you should go. +Yes, you should go. But then when will we see each other? +Sandro, I don't want you to come with me, I don't want to see you... How can I make it clear to you?...Why did you come? I don't know why. I just couldn't help it. +I don't know why. I just couldn't help it. But sooner or later we've got to end this relationship. And it's better to do it right now. +But sooner or later we've got to end this relationship. And it's better to do it right now. I have no desire to sacrifice myself... It's idiotic to sacrifice oneself... Why?... For whom? If Anna were here I might understand your scruples. But she's not... +I have no desire to sacrifice myself... It's idiotic to sacrifice oneself... Why?... For whom? If Anna were here I might understand your scruples. But she's not... Oh, Sandro... +Oh, Sandro... I'm sorry. I didn't want to sound cynical. But isn't it better to look things squarely in the eye? +I'm sorry. I didn't want to sound cynical. But isn't it better to look things squarely in the eye? For me they are exactly as they were when we met three days ago -- just three days ago... don't you realize? And you and Anna... No, I guess they aren't like that any more. My God, is it possible to forget in such a short time, for things to change so quickly? +For me they are exactly as they were when we met three days ago -- just three days ago... don't you realize? And you and Anna... No, I guess they aren't like that any more. My God, is it possible to forget in such a short time, for things to change so quickly? It takes even less. +It takes even less. But it's so sad. So terribly sad. I'm not used to it, I'm not ready for it... You know... I have never been so upset in my life. Sandro, why don't you help me? +But it's so sad. So terribly sad. I'm not used to it, I'm not ready for it... You know... I have never been so upset in my life. Sandro, why don't you help me? I think the only way to help ourselves, Claudia, is for us to be together. +I think the only way to help ourselves, Claudia, is for us to be together. No, I'm sure it won't. Move over there. Let's make believe nothing happened. And when we get to the next station, get off. +No, I'm sure it won't. Move over there. Let's make believe nothing happened. And when we get to the next station, get off. And what about you? +And what about you? Me... I... I... Please leave me alone. +Claudia, listen to me... No, Sandro, please... I ask you as a favor... +Promise that you won't try to look for me... you shouldn't try to look for me any more... But why, Claudia?... Why? +Any news? Yes... but it's all so conflicting... However, there is some slight indication... +Let's get out of here, fast... This is not a town, it's a cemetery. Who knows why they all left... +Sandro ... maybe it's best that you go in alone. Are you joking? +Are you joking? Don't think that I want to save myself from any embarrassment, from the awkwardness of meeting Anna... It's not that; it's that you can say certain things easier if you're alone. Please, Sandro, do try to understand me... It would look like I was trying to influence you, to force you, to control you... and that makes me feel uncomfortable... +What is it, Claudia? Oh, Sandro... I'm so ashamed of myself, so ashamed...I tried to hide myself...I feel so small... I hate myself ... +Oh, Sandro... I'm so ashamed of myself, so ashamed...I tried to hide myself...I feel so small... I hate myself ... Does it please you to say such things? +Does it please you to say such things? Oh no... It doesn't please me at all... +Oh no... It doesn't please me at all... Then why do you say them? +Then why do you say them? "Because what I'm doing is so ugly ... Because if you told me right now: ""Claudia, I love you,"" I would believe you..." +Good. It's better if it were absurd. That would mean nothing much can be done about it. But just think -- the very same things you had said to her who knows how many times... maybe even just before we left, while I was waiting outside your place... +But just think -- the very same things you had said to her who knows how many times... maybe even just before we left, while I was waiting outside your place... So, even if I did say them, I was sincere with her, as I am now with you. +Really, I've got to stop this business with Ettore... I would like to go back and start working on my own projects again. You know, I had many ideas... And why did you drop them? +And why did you drop them? Once they gave me a job to draw up an estimate for the construction of a school. It took me only a day and a half to finish it, and I got paid six million lire. Ever since then I've been doing estimates for other people's designs. +Why are you looking at me like that? I'm sure you'd be able to design some very lovely things. +I'm sure you'd be able to design some very lovely things. I don't know about that. And then, who's interested in beautiful things nowadays? +Claudia, let's get married? What! Get married? +What! Get married? Yes. We'll get married. You and I. What do you say? +Yes. We'll get married. You and I. What do you say? What do I say? What can I say? No. At least, not yet. I don't know... I can't even think of it... at a time like this... Oh, but why did you have to ask me? +What do I say? What can I say? No. At least, not yet. I don't know... I can't even think of it... at a time like this... Oh, but why did you have to ask me? You look at me as though I had said something foolish... +You look at me as though I had said something foolish... And are you sure you want to marry me? Are you really sure...that you want to marry... me? +And are you sure you want to marry me? Are you really sure...that you want to marry... me? That's why I asked you... +That's why I asked you... So... Oh, how I wish that everything were so much simpler... that people could just come together by the color of their hair or the size of their shoes. What size shoe do you wear? Size 9. That's a very lovely size. But I'm sorry, I wear size 8. +But why am I so infatuated with you? Hurry up now, or it'll begin to get hot outside... +Hurry up now, or it'll begin to get hot outside... Yes, yes, yes, yes... Right away... +And you leave me here all alone... in this hotel room... As soon as you're ready, you can come down and catch up with me. I'll be waiting for you right outside on the square. +But you know it already. Why must I tell you? So, you wonder why? +Then I'll see you later. Okay. In a few minutes. +Sandro ...What's the matter? Nothing. +No, Sandro... Please... Why? +Why? No reason why... +Sandro, wait a moment, just one moment... You seem like an entirely different person ... And aren't you pleased?... That way you'll have a new kind of adventure. +What are you saying? I was only joking, really... Can't I make a joke? And now you've got to tell me why you don't want to. +I was only joking, really... Can't I make a joke? And now you've got to tell me why you don't want to. Oh, Sandro... I want everything you do. But... +Did the hotel manager speak to you about that place nearby? Yes, she started to but I didn't feel like staying to listen to what she had to say. If we had to listen to everybody... +Yes, she started to but I didn't feel like staying to listen to what she had to say. If we had to listen to everybody... No, Sandro... We should go. Besides, we haven't been in touch with anybody. Not even with Anna's father. We should have at least sent a wire or telephoned... let's be fair, he must be feeling awfully lonely. +No, Sandro... We should go. Besides, we haven't been in touch with anybody. Not even with Anna's father. We should have at least sent a wire or telephoned... let's be fair, he must be feeling awfully lonely. I don't doubt it. But at a time like this we're the least suitable persons to be with him. And as far as telephoning him... Who knows where he is? +Sandro, listen... Try not to get yourself too involved tomorrow. Aren't you going to change? +Aren't you going to change? You said you wanted to quit working for Ettore. +Sandro, I'm not coming down. Why? +Why? I'm too sleepy. +I'm too sleepy. Sleep is something one must learn to overcome. I learned how to do it when I was a child. I never slept. And I had friends who even slept less than I did. The one who went to bed first, paid a penalty. And we really didn't do anything. After seeing a movie, we'd go to a cafe and discuss things for a while... then we'd sit down on a bench somewhere... listen to some drunkard... watch them putting up posters or manifestoes...or look at the sheep passing by... or go for a stroll around the market place... Or else we'd go and wake up some girl in the neighborhood by standing in front of her window and calling out her name... +You're that sleepy, eh? What time do expect to get up tomorrow? Late, very late. +Good night, my love. Good night. Tell me that you love me. +Good night. Tell me that you love me. I love you. +I love you. Tell me once more. +Tell me once more. I don't love you. +I don't love you. I deserve it. +Well, with a shark running loose around the place, I for one won't get aboard that raft! They'll have to catch it first. I want to see it right here before my feet, dead or alive. Better dead. +Tell me, Claudia, what do you think of Raimondo? I would say he's pretty depraved. +I would say he's pretty depraved. Oh no; quite the contrary. He's really just a child. +He amuses me. I don't know of anything more amusing. Outside of this jigsaw puzzle. Don't you find it so, Claudia? One would have to be in love with somebody to know that. +One would have to be in love with somebody to know that. Have you ever been in love? +Have you ever been in love? Not really... It's suffocating in here... Shall we go out? +What amazes me, is Sandro. He seems so calm. Calm?... He doesn't seem so to me... He was awake all night. +I'm going with the patrol boat to make a tour around the islands. To do what? +To do what? I just can't leave without first searching those islands, one by one. +I just can't leave without first searching those islands, one by one. But aren't you tired? I can just about manage to stand on my feet! Raimondo! +But where did you finally end up? It was futile. We went all over. +It's divine! You say that just to flatter me. +You say that just to flatter me. Do you consider that a compliment? +Do you consider that a compliment? No. +I'm not coming. But then why did you bother changing? +Shouldn't we try to find a quieter place? Quieter? Oh, yes, of course. +How do you manage to put up with all this confusion? You always said people bore you. You shouldn't always take me seriously. Actually, I'm used to it by now. First my mother and now my husband; both of them are like dynamos. +My childhood, instead, was a very sensible one. What do you mean by sensible? +What do you mean by sensible? It means being without money. +Patrizia... Patrizia ... Where's Ettore? I imagine he must be inside sleeping. +I imagine he must be inside sleeping. Would you please see if Sandro is with him? He's not in his room. I'm sorry to disturb you. +Patrizia, I'm afraid. More or less, we are all afraid. Especially at night. +More or less, we are all afraid. Especially at night. I'm afraid that Anna has come back. I feel she's back, and that they're together. +I'm afraid that Anna has come back. I feel she's back, and that they're together. But what's gotten into you?... We would have known. Sandro must be out in the garden somewhere, taking a breath of fresh air, or watching the break of dawn. It would be a lovely surprise indeed if he turned out to be the sentimental type. +Now, listen. For God's sake, try not to let yourself become obsessed with that idea. Go to your room and get back into bed. Just several days ago, the thought of Anna being dead would have made me sick. And now, I don't even cry, I'm afraid she might be alive. Everything is becoming so damned simple and easy, even to deprive one's self of pain and suffering. +Just several days ago, the thought of Anna being dead would have made me sick. And now, I don't even cry, I'm afraid she might be alive. Everything is becoming so damned simple and easy, even to deprive one's self of pain and suffering. You should never wish to get melodramatic over anything. +You should never wish to get melodramatic over anything. Yes, you're right. I'm sick and tired of being like that. +Who are you talking to? To the shark. +Please, you come too... But for what reason should I come there? +But for what reason should I come there? Please, do come... Don't leave me alone with him. He's capable of... I don't know... Have you noticed his eyes? +They're all nudes, if I'm not mistaken. But why all nudes? +And tell Corrado, too, that I'm here... if he wants me. You can also tell him that my tiny little heart is beating like mad, and that at this moment, it's the only thing that interests me. Is that clear? It couldn't be any clearer. +Now what do I have to do to be left in peace? I think all you have to do, Giulia, is to close the door. +It's as smooth and slick as oil. I detest comparisons made with oil. +At one time the Aeolian isles were all volcanoes. You must know your third grade geography book inside out. +What happened? There's a shark in the area. Don't move from where you are! +There's a shark in the area. Don't move from where you are! Who's moving? +Why didn't you ask me to go with you? "Do you know why? Because if you saw those ruins I'm sure you would have said they were very, very beautiful. You always say ""how beautiful"" to everything -- whether it's the sea, or a baby, or a cat! You have such a sensitive little heart that it throbs for anything." +"Do you know why? Because if you saw those ruins I'm sure you would have said they were very, very beautiful. You always say ""how beautiful"" to everything -- whether it's the sea, or a baby, or a cat! You have such a sensitive little heart that it throbs for anything." But Corrado... If something is beautiful why shouldn't one say so? +But Corrado... If something is beautiful why shouldn't one say so? He never misses a chance to humiliate me, to let me know that he doesn't care about me any more. +He never misses a chance to humiliate me, to let me know that he doesn't care about me any more. Giulia, that remark is not worthy of our twelve years of honest concubinage. I repeat, once and for all, and publicly, that I admire you. Does that please you? +Looks like the weather is changing. Please, Giulia; must you always emphasize the obvious? I can see for myself that the weather is changing. +I'll stay here also. But why?... What if it starts to rain? +But why?... What if it starts to rain? If it rains, I'll buy myself an umbrella. +How did you spend the night?... In that hut?... And what did you have to eat? What do you think? +What do you think? We, too, you know. It was disastrous. First at Panarea, where there weren't any boats... then at Lipari, where everybody was asleep... And the phone call to Rome... +Corrado, why don't you ask them to give it to us as a gift? Really! So that you can stuff it with your geraniums. +But how can you carry on a discussion in this heat? When one approaches fifty, my dear, he is affected only by the cold. +I'm going ashore to take a look around the island. There are some ruins up there... There too... +There too... Well, we're still in Italy, you know! +It's really a fact -- there's nothing new under the sun. Now, look here. Look at this structure... a kind of natural shelter. Sandro, that's how you should design your houses. Me?... I no longer have any interest in building... And, then, where can you find boulders of rock like this in Milan? +Let's try to be practical about this. The best thing to do is for all of you to go to the closest island that has a police station, or something, and report the disappearance. I'll remain here... because... well, I don't know, but it seems to me that something may turn up. Anyway, I just don't feel like leaving. Then let's get started... It's senseless to waste any more time. +Claudia, I know how you feel, but there are already two of us staying... I'll go even further and say that her presence here -- I don't want to sound offensive -- could be a great hindrance. +And what are we going to do now? We'll try again. +Up until now those smugglers were operating only around the Palermo area. This will be a nice surprise for the Lieutenant in Milazzo... Call up headquarters. Bring them up to date and have them give you instructions on what to do with this crate. So... the boat we saw yesterday afternoon might have also been that of these smugglers. Could it be possible, then, that Anna...? +So... the boat we saw yesterday afternoon might have also been that of these smugglers. Could it be possible, then, that Anna...? I wonder where they could have unloaded the stuff ... Maybe right here at Lisca. +I wonder where they could have unloaded the stuff ... Maybe right here at Lisca. I was saying... it might even be possible that Anna had left with them. +I was saying... it might even be possible that Anna had left with them. But for what reason would she have wanted to go away? +But for what reason would she have wanted to go away? Listen, Marshal... As for there being reasons for going away, anyone of us might have three thousand of them. So you can assume that she had them. What I want to know, is it possible that the smugglers might have taken her aboard? +Listen, Marshal... As for there being reasons for going away, anyone of us might have three thousand of them. So you can assume that she had them. What I want to know, is it possible that the smugglers might have taken her aboard? I think it's possible. +And who is this? This is Claudia, Anna's friend... You've never met my husband, have you? +First let the poor thing have something to eat. It wouldn't really do you any harm to skip a meal. +Ettore... What is it? +What is it? Nothing, nothing at all. I was just looking for Sandro. +Nothing, nothing at all. I was just looking for Sandro. And you expect to find him in here? Go and ask Claudia. +And you expect to find him in here? Go and ask Claudia. Yes, yes, of course. +Let's see you dive from the top of those rocks, Giulia. That would be really sensational. Come on, Giulia ... your life is much too circumscribed. What has everybody got against me this morning? +Where is she going? Ask her. +The trouble with you is that nobody can speak to you, that's all. Giulia, don't you understand that the more involved you become with people, the more difficult it is to speak with them? +Giulia, don't you understand that the more involved you become with people, the more difficult it is to speak with them? You men are all so dreadful! +You men are all so dreadful! I know we are. But as the years go by, we become even worse. Isn't that so, Corrado? +Goffredo is the Princess' nephew. He's eighteen years old, the lucky boy. And, what do you know -- he paints. Anybody can hold a brush in his hand. All you need is to buy some oils and start painting. Even Rembrandt did the same. +Giulia... Here I am. +Because there is no landscape as beautiful as a woman. And where do you find the models? +And where do you find the models? Oh, there are as many as one wants. +Oh, there are as many as one wants. I thought the model was something obsolete nowadays. Didn't you, Claudia? +It's strange how anxious women are to display themselves. It's almost a natural inclination. But how could they pose like that? I couldn't. +But how could they pose like that? I couldn't. Why don't you try? +Why don't you try? Me... Goffredo, you're mad! He's mad. +Don't you ever paint men? Answer me, why don't you try posing? I'll paint you a beautiful portrait. +Answer me, why don't you try posing? I'll paint you a beautiful portrait. But why me?... Ask Claudia, she's much more beautiful than me. +But why me?... Ask Claudia, she's much more beautiful than me. But I want to paint you. You appeal to me more. +But I want to paint you. You appeal to me more. I appeal to you more? +They tell me you have a lot of trouble at home. Is that right? Yes, sir. My sister is sick... and my father, too. +Yes, sir. My sister is sick... and my father, too. So that's why you've turned to smuggling, eh? You need the money. Now, I can help you. I can see that you get some assistance from the government. But first there's a little formality we've got to take care of. Just a few questions and then we can all go to lunch... Your friend tells me you dropped anchor three times... +Yes, sir. Three times. Now, we're getting somewhere! They're beginning to contradict each other. Now look here, your friend just swore to me that you weren't able to do any fishing at all because the sea was too rough... And what about the other boat? +Now, we're getting somewhere! They're beginning to contradict each other. Now look here, your friend just swore to me that you weren't able to do any fishing at all because the sea was too rough... And what about the other boat? What other boat? +What other boat? Now look, my men saw it and they also saw you men throwing those crates overboard. What have you got to say about that? +Now look, my men saw it and they also saw you men throwing those crates overboard. What have you got to say about that? I ... I ... wasn't feeling well ... I.. I was sleeping... I don't know anything ... I ... I'm all mixed up and ... +I work there but I'm really a stranger. I tell you this acquaintance of mine knows you and she has often spoken to me about you. +I tell you this acquaintance of mine knows you and she has often spoken to me about you. And who is she? Does she work in Catania? +And who is she? Does she work in Catania? Yes, she takes care of the garden. +Yes, she takes care of the garden. Then it's impossible for her to know me. In the villa where I'm at, we have a male gardener. +Then it's impossible for her to know me. In the villa where I'm at, we have a male gardener. So? That's logical. You see, both being gardeners, they spoke about you to one another. +So? That's logical. You see, both being gardeners, they spoke about you to one another. And what did they say about me? +And what did they say about me? They told me that you were a very nice girl, that you always mind your business... In other words, things of that sort. +We have a radio like this, too. No, not like this one. +No, not like this one. And why wouldn't we have one like this? +And why wouldn't we have one like this? Because this is a Chinese radio. +Certainly a radio this small is very practical. It's especially useful for... I don't know... for traveling. But for you, what comes first: music or love? +Music, of course. To get a sweetheart, one has to look around, but to get a radio, all you have to do is buy one. Ah, no... For me, love comes first. I'm a man, and I know what's what: first love, and then music. +Anything new develop? Unfortunately, no. +Unfortunately, no. Very well. First of all, I'll have them search the waters around the island. I brought two frogmen with me... Meanwhile, we'll take a look up around here. +Very well. First of all, I'll have them search the waters around the island. I brought two frogmen with me... Meanwhile, we'll take a look up around here. Look, Marshal, with those deep crevasses, you'll need some rope and ladders... +Look, Marshal, with those deep crevasses, you'll need some rope and ladders... Don't worry, we've got everything. +Don't worry, we've got everything. Another thing; there's an old man who lives here on the island... +Another thing; there's an old man who lives here on the island... I know, I know. One thing at a time. +I only exchanged a few casual words with her, as one would ordinarily do on a public bus... And do you remember where she got off? +And do you remember where she got off? Well...probably at the last stop, which is Noto. +Then you should also be able to tell me where a young girl might stay in Noto; are there any hotels or rooming houses? There's the Trinacria Hotel... or the Regina, near the municipal building. As for rooming houses, I don't know... +There's the Trinacria Hotel... or the Regina, near the municipal building. As for rooming houses, I don't know... Thank you. +Thank you. Don't mention it... Pleased to be of service any time. +Are you the owner of this place? No. The owners are in Australia. +No. The owners are in Australia. But where did you come from? +But where did you come from? From Panarea. Why? +Whose boat is that? What boat? +What boat? Just a moment ago... didn't you hear the sound of a motor? +Just a moment ago... didn't you hear the sound of a motor? At this time of the year there are so many boats... +At this time of the year there are so many boats... And how come you're up so early? +And how come you're up so early? Early? Is four in the morning early for you? +Perhaps she wasn't feeling well... Maybe a cramp or something... Anna is an excellent swimmer. Even with a cramp, she would have managed to reach shore somehow. +Anna is an excellent swimmer. Even with a cramp, she would have managed to reach shore somehow. But you have to consider all possibilities, Sandro. +Listen, Patrizia... The Marshal says there's a current that passes by here and ends up at another island... I don't know which... He wants to send one of his men over to have a look... One never knows... Do you mind if I ask Raimondo to go with him? I don't see why I should mind. +Patrizia, what are you going to do? What do you want us to do? I don't know myself... But we'll do something. +What do you want us to do? I don't know myself... But we'll do something. I'll go and get my valise. +We've decided to go to Montaldo's place. In fact, Ettore should already be there. Good. Then I'll meet you there. +And here's Sandro. Why don't you two go upstairs and change? Yes, we will. +Did you manage to find good rooms? They didn't seem too good. +They didn't seem too good. You should have told Ettore. He always manages to get what he wants. +You should have told Ettore. He always manages to get what he wants. Ettore must be fed up with me by now. +Ettore must be fed up with me by now. Oh, no, not at all. And then you know very well that he'll forgive you anything; just as long as you admit to him that you're a worse driver than he is... +Your mother? Yes, even I had a mother. She was part Austrian, but she was still my mother. My childhood was like a tennis match; they bounced me back and forth, here and there... +Why have we stopped? Lady Patrizia! +Raimondo... Do you enjoy fishing underwater? I detest it. But, after all, what can you do... It's the latest...and I try my best to adapt myself. +Now, tell the truth, aren't you a bit disappointed?... But I already told you... If women's breasts were colored, yours would be blue... +Patrizia, don't start in again... I would rather be called depraved. Unless you happen to love children. You know, I don't love anybody. +You know, I don't love anybody. I know, dammit, I know! And just think -- if there ever was a woman so right, so perfectly cut out for all kinds of dissipations, degradations, infidelities... of.. . of... of debaucheries, it's her. Well, anyway, she's faithful. Faithful out of laziness... of unwillingness. +You've made some mistake there with the bushes... that's why you can't finish it. Take it easy, Raimondo. Why are you getting so impatient? +Here I am, Patrizia. I'm always here. Claudia isn't coming with us. Will you please take care of her luggage? Thanks. +Zuria? Yes. Until proven otherwise. +Yes. Until proven otherwise. I would like to ask you something. +I would like to ask you something. Wait a moment. Can't you see I'm busy? +She costs a hundred thousand lire. You're kidding! +You're kidding! No, I'm not. Why do you think she does all this? It's one of the many ways she can put herself on display. When you bait the trap, the mouse will snap. To tell you the truth, if it wasn't for the fact that one hundred thousand lire represents my whole month's salary, well... But you had something you wanted to ask me? +I read one of your articles regarding the disappearance of a girl. I'm that girl's fianc‚. Oh... I'm sorry I have to rush but I've got to write a story about this thing that just happened... Tell me exactly how it all turned out. +Oh... I'm sorry I have to rush but I've got to write a story about this thing that just happened... Tell me exactly how it all turned out. Now listen, if I had any information, I wouldn't have come here to ask you. But I see that you, too, lack any information ... +As a matter of fact, I've already had several phone calls on that article. One said they had seen the missing girl in an automobile somewhere in Rome. Another one said they saw her on the pier talking with some strange sailors... Could be she secretly left the island by boat... Is that possible? +Is that possible? Who knows?... Another one has it that she entered a store in Troina. This information comes from the storekeeper himself who stated that such and such a girl had bought I don't know what in his store... at Troina. +Who knows?... Another one has it that she entered a store in Troina. This information comes from the storekeeper himself who stated that such and such a girl had bought I don't know what in his store... at Troina. Is that far from here? +Is that far from here? About fifty miles or so. If you want, I'll give you the name of the storekeeper. +About fifty miles or so. If you want, I'll give you the name of the storekeeper. Yes... of course... But you should also print that in your paper... But right away, tomorrow morning... It's the local Palermo paper, isn't it?... I mean, it's widely read... +Yes... of course... But you should also print that in your paper... But right away, tomorrow morning... It's the local Palermo paper, isn't it?... I mean, it's widely read... Yes, but why do you think our readers would be interested in such news now? Even if I sent it, the editors wouldn't print it. +Yes, but why do you think our readers would be interested in such news now? Even if I sent it, the editors wouldn't print it. You really must do me this one favor. +You really must do me this one favor. Pardon me, but why must I do you a favor? +Pardon me, but why must I do you a favor? Then let's call it a business proposition. Something to round out your salary. +Agnes, it has come to my attention that you have stopped eating. Why is this? AGNES I've been commanded by God. He talked to you Himself? +He talked to you Himself? No. +No. Through someone else? +Through someone else? Yes. +Yes. Who? +Who? I can't say. +I can't say. Why? +Why? She'd punish me. +She'd punish me. One of the other Sisters? +One of the other Sisters? No. +No. Who? +Because I'm getting fat. Oh, for Heaven's sake. +Oh, for Heaven's sake. I am, there's too much flesh on me. +I am, there's too much flesh on me. Agnes... +Agnes... I'm a blimp. +I'm a blimp. Why does it matter whether you're fat or not... +Why does it matter whether you're fat or not... Because... +Because... ... You needn't worry about being attractive here. +... You needn't worry about being attractive here. I do, I have to be attractive to God. +I do, I have to be attractive to God. He loves you the way you are. +He loves you the way you are. No he doesn't. He hates fat people. +No he doesn't. He hates fat people. Who told you this? +Who told you this? It's a sin to be fat. +It's a sin to be fat. Why? +Why? Look at the statues, they're thin. +Look at the statues, they're thin. Agnes... +Agnes... That's because they're suffering... suffering is beautiful, I want to be beautiful. +That's because they're suffering... suffering is beautiful, I want to be beautiful. Who tells you these things? +Who tells you these things? Christ said it in the Bible, he said - suffer the little children, I want to suffer like a little child. +Christ said it in the Bible, he said - suffer the little children, I want to suffer like a little child. That's not what he meant. +That's not what he meant. I... I am a little child but my body keeps getting bigger and soon I... I won't be able to fit in, I... I won't be able to squeeze into Heaven. +I... I am a little child but my body keeps getting bigger and soon I... I won't be able to fit in, I... I won't be able to squeeze into Heaven. Agnes dear, Heaven is not a place where... +No... I mean... I mean look at these. I've got to lose weight, I'm a blimp. Oh my dear child. +Oh my dear child. God blew up the Hindenburg. He'll blow me up, that's what she said... +God blew up the Hindenburg. He'll blow me up, that's what she said... Who? +Who? Mommy I'll get bigger and bigger every day and then I'll pop but... but if I stay little it won't happen. +Mommy I'll get bigger and bigger every day and then I'll pop but... but if I stay little it won't happen. Your mother tells you this?... Agnes your mother is dead. +Your mother tells you this?... Agnes your mother is dead. But she watches... she listens. +But she watches... she listens. Nonsense, I'm your mother now and I want you to eat. +Nonsense, I'm your mother now and I want you to eat. I'm not hungry. +I'm not hungry. You've got to eat something Agnes. +You've got to eat something Agnes. No I don't... the host is enough. +No I don't... the host is enough. My dear, I don't think a communion wafer has the recommended daily allowance of anything. +My dear, I don't think a communion wafer has the recommended daily allowance of anything. Of God. +Of God. Yes, of God. +I'm being punished. Why? +Why? I don't know. +I don't know. Dear Jesus... +Sister Marguerite says you have been sleeping on a bare mattress Sister. Is that true? Yes Mother. +Yes Mother. Why? +Why? In the medieval days the nuns and monks would sleep in their own coffins. +We're not in the Middle Ages, Sister. It made them holy. +It made them holy. It made them uncomfortable. And if they didn't sleep well I'm certain the next day they were cranky as mules. Sister where are your sheets? Do you really believe that sleeping on a bare mattress is the equivalent of sleeping in a coffin? +It made them uncomfortable. And if they didn't sleep well I'm certain the next day they were cranky as mules. Sister where are your sheets? Do you really believe that sleeping on a bare mattress is the equivalent of sleeping in a coffin? No. +No. Then tell me. Where are your sheets? +Then tell me. Where are your sheets? I burnt them. +I burnt them. Why? +Why? They were stained. +They were stained. How many times have I burned into your thick skull and the thick skull of your fellow novice, that menstruation is a perfectly natural process and nothing to be ashamed of. +How many times have I burned into your thick skull and the thick skull of your fellow novice, that menstruation is a perfectly natural process and nothing to be ashamed of. Yes, Mother. +Yes, Mother. Say it! +A few years ago one of the Sisters came to me in tears, asking for comfort, comfort because she was too old to have any children. Not that she wanted to, but once a month she had been reminded of that possibility. It's not that... it's not that... +It's not that... it's not that... What do you mean? +What do you mean? It's not my time of month. +It's not my time of month. Should you see a doctor? +Should you see a doctor? I don't know. I don't know what happened Mother, I woke up... there was blood on the sheets, but I don't know what happened. I don't know what I did wrong, I don't know and I should be punished. +I don't know. I don't know what happened Mother, I woke up... there was blood on the sheets, but I don't know what happened. I don't know what I did wrong, I don't know and I should be punished. For what? +For what? I don't know... I don't know... +I don't know... I don't know... That was the beginning, the night of the conception. That's why she burnt the sheets. +Hello. I'm Doctor Livingston. I've been asked to talk to you. May I? Yes. +You have a lovely voice. No I don't. +No I don't. I just heard you. +I just heard you. That wasn't me. +That wasn't me. Was it Sister Marguerite? +No I'm not. Hasn't anyone ever told you that before? +Hasn't anyone ever told you that before? Let's talk about something else. +Let's talk about something else. What would you like to talk about. +What would you like to talk about. I don't know. +I don't know. Anything... may I sit down? +Anything... may I sit down? Yes. +First thing that comes to your mind? God! But there's nothing to say about God. +God! But there's nothing to say about God. Second thing that comes to your mind. +Second thing that comes to your mind. Love. +Love. Have you ever loved anyone? +Have you ever loved anyone? Yes. +Yes. Who? +Who? Everyone. +Everyone. Well, who in particular? +Well, who in particular? Right now? +Right now? Uh huh. +Uh huh. I love you. +I love you. Agnes, have you ever loved another man... other than, Jesus Christ? +Agnes, have you ever loved another man... other than, Jesus Christ? Yes. +Yes. Who? +Who? Oh, there are so many. +Oh, there are so many. Well do you love... do you love Father Martineau? +Well do you love... do you love Father Martineau? Oh, yes! +Oh, yes! Do you think he loves you? +Do you think he loves you? Oh, I know he does. +Oh, I know he does. He's told you? +He's told you? No. But... when I look into his eyes, I can tell. +No. But... when I look into his eyes, I can tell. You've been alone together? +You've been alone together? Yes. +Yes. Often? +Often? At least once a week. +At least once a week. And you like that? +And you like that? Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. Where do you meet? +Where do you meet? In the confessional. +You want to talk about the baby don't you? Would you like to talk about it? +Would you like to talk about it? I never saw any baby... I think they made it up. +I never saw any baby... I think they made it up. Why should they? +Why should they? I don't know. +I don't know. Do you remember the night they said it came? +Do you remember the night they said it came? No. I was sick. +No. I was sick. How were you sick? +How were you sick? Something I ate. +Something I ate. Did it hurt? +Did it hurt? Yes. +Yes. Where? +Where? Down... there. +Down... there. And what did you do? +And what did you do? I went to my room. +I went to my room. And what happened? +And what happened? I got sicker. +I got sicker. And then what? +And then what? I fell asleep. +I fell asleep. In the middle of all the pain? +In the middle of all the pain? Yes. +Yes. Where did the baby come from? +Where did the baby come from? What baby? +What baby? The baby they made up. +The baby they made up. From their heads... +From their heads... Is that where they say it came from... ? +Is that where they say it came from... ? No, they say it came from the waste paper basket! +No, they say it came from the waste paper basket! Where'd it come from before that? +Where'd it come from before that? From God. +From God. After God... before the waste-paper basket. +After God... before the waste-paper basket. I... I don't understand. +I... I don't understand. Agnes, how are babies born? +Agnes, how are babies born? Don't you know? +Don't you know? Yes I do, but I want you to... +Yes I do, but I want you to... I don't understand what you're talking about... you want to talk about the baby... everybody wants to talk about the baby but... I never saw the baby so I can't talk about the baby because... I don't believe in the baby. +I don't understand what you're talking about... you want to talk about the baby... everybody wants to talk about the baby but... I never saw the baby so I can't talk about the baby because... I don't believe in the baby. Then let's talk about something else... +Then let's talk about something else... No... no, I'm tired of talking, I've been talking for weeks, nobody believes me when I tell them anything... nobody listens to me. +No... no, I'm tired of talking, I've been talking for weeks, nobody believes me when I tell them anything... nobody listens to me. Agnes... +Agnes... No... no, I don't want to answer any more questions. +No... no, I don't want to answer any more questions. Would you like to ask them? +Would you like to ask them? What do you mean? +What do you mean? Just that... you ask and I'll answer. +Just that... you ask and I'll answer. Anything? +Anything? Anything. +What's your real name? Martha Louise Livingston. +Martha Louise Livingston. Are you married? +Are you married? No. +No. Would you like to be? +Would you like to be? Not at the moment, no. +Not at the moment, no. Do you have any children? +Do you have any children? No. +No. Would you like some? +Would you like some? I can't have them any more. +I can't have them any more. Why not? +Why not? I've stopped menstruating +I've stopped menstruating Why do you smoke? +Why do you smoke? Does it bother you? +Does it bother you? No questions. +No questions. Smoking is an obsession with me. Maybe one day I'll become obsessed with something else, then I'll stop smoking... Do you have any more questions? +Smoking is an obsession with me. Maybe one day I'll become obsessed with something else, then I'll stop smoking... Do you have any more questions? One. +One. What? +Where do you think babies come from? From their mothers and fathers of course. Before that, I... I don't know. +From their mothers and fathers of course. Before that, I... I don't know. Well I think they come from... angel lights on their mothers chest and whispers into her ear. That makes good babies start to grow. And bad babies come from when a fallen angel squeezes in down there, and they start to grow, grow, till they come out down there. I don't know where good babies come out. And you can't tell the difference... except bad babies cry a lot... and they make their fathers go away... and their mothers get very ill... die sometimes. +Do you know a Marie? No... do you? +No... do you? Why should I? +Why should I? I don't know. +You liked Sister Paul? She was kind to me. She told me I was beautiful. +She was kind to me. She told me I was beautiful. What else did she tell you? +What else did she tell you? She said all of God's angels would want to sleep beside me if they could. I liked that. +Sister Paul was in her eighties? Did she climb up here often? No, only when she felt like it. She brought me up here last winter and the next day she died. +No, only when she felt like it. She brought me up here last winter and the next day she died. No wonder... wait... Agnes... Agnes how do you feel about babies? +No wonder... wait... Agnes... Agnes how do you feel about babies? Oh, they frighten me, I'm afraid I'll drop them. They have a soft spot on their heads and if you drop them so they land on their heads they become stupid. I was dropped on my head, that's why I don't understand things. +Oh, they frighten me, I'm afraid I'll drop them. They have a soft spot on their heads and if you drop them so they land on their heads they become stupid. I was dropped on my head, that's why I don't understand things. Like what? +Like what? Numbers... you can spend your whole life counting and never reach the end. +Numbers... you can spend your whole life counting and never reach the end. I don't understand them either. Do you suppose I was dropped on my head? +I don't understand them either. Do you suppose I was dropped on my head? I hope not. It's a terrible thing to be dropped on your head. +I hope not. It's a terrible thing to be dropped on your head. Oh, I've got to give up smoking. Agnes ... wait a minute... Agnes slow down. +What happens if the bell rings and you're under there? Oh, it's even more wonderful then. +It's like hiding from my mother when I was a little girl. Where did you go? +Where did you go? Oh, no place as wonderful as this. Agnes... have you ever thought of leaving the convent for something else? +Oh, no place as wonderful as this. Agnes... have you ever thought of leaving the convent for something else? No. There is nothing else. Just being here at night helps me sleep. +No. There is nothing else. Just being here at night helps me sleep. You have trouble sleeping? +You have trouble sleeping? I get headaches. Mommy did too... oh, but she wasn't stupid. She knew things that nobody else knew. +I get headaches. Mommy did too... oh, but she wasn't stupid. She knew things that nobody else knew. What things? +What things? She knew what was going to happen to me. That's why she hid me away. +She knew what was going to happen to me. That's why she hid me away. How did she know that? +How did she know that? Somebody told her. +Somebody told her. Who? +Who? I don't know. +I don't know. Agnes... +Agnes... You'll laugh. +You'll laugh. I promise I won't laugh. Who told her? +I promise I won't laugh. Who told her? An angel, when she was having one of her headaches. +An angel, when she was having one of her headaches. Did your mother see angels often? +Did your mother see angels often? No. +No. Do you? +Do you? No. +No. Do you believe she really saw them? +Do you believe she really saw them? No, but I can never tell her that. +No, but I can never tell her that. Why not? Mmm? +Why not? Mmm? She'd get angry. +Agnes, did you love your mother? Yes. +Yes. Did you ever want to be a mother yourself? +Did you ever want to be a mother yourself? I could never be a mother. +I could never be a mother. Why not? +Why not? Well I don't think I'm old enough and besides I don't want to have a baby. +Well I don't think I'm old enough and besides I don't want to have a baby. Why not? +Why not? Because I don't want one. +Because I don't want one. If you did want one, how'd you go about getting one? +If you did want one, how'd you go about getting one? From someone who didn't want to have a baby. +From someone who didn't want to have a baby. Like you? +How would that person get one if they didn't want one? A mistake... +A mistake... Agnes, how did your mother get you? +Agnes, how did your mother get you? A mistake... it was a mistake... +A mistake... it was a mistake... Is that what she said? +Is that what she said? If you're trying to get me to say that she was a bad woman and hated me and didn't want me but that's not true, she was a good woman, a saint... +If you're trying to get me to say that she was a bad woman and hated me and didn't want me but that's not true, she was a good woman, a saint... Agnes, I don't believe you know nothing about sex... +Agnes, I don't believe you know nothing about sex... I can't help it if I'm stupid. +I can't help it if I'm stupid. ... that you don't remember getting pregnant... +... that you don't remember getting pregnant... Not my fault. +Not my fault. ... and that you don't believe you carried a child. +... and that you don't believe you carried a child. I was a mistake. +I was a mistake. What the child? +What the child? Everything... I don't have children. +Everything... I don't have children. Agnes... +Agnes, I'm here because I want to help you. I'm not sick. +I'm not sick. But you're troubled... aren't you? +But you're troubled... aren't you? That's because you keep reminding me. If you go away then I'll forget. +That's because you keep reminding me. If you go away then I'll forget. And you're unhappy. +And you're unhappy. Everyone's unhappy, you're unhappy aren't you? +Everyone's unhappy, you're unhappy aren't you? Agnes... +Agnes... Answer me! You never answer me. +Answer me! You never answer me. Sometimes, yes. +Sometimes, yes. Only you think you're lucky because you didn't have a mother who said things to you and did things to you that maybe weren't always nice but that was because of me, because I was bad, not her. +What did you do? I'm always bad. +I'm always bad. What did you do? +What did you do? I breathed! +Agnes. What did your mother do to you? If you can't answer me, just shake your head yes or no. Did... did she hit you? Did she make you do something you didn't want to? Did it make you feel uncomfortable to do it? Did it embarrass you? Did it... did it hurt you? What did she make you you do? No... +No... You can tell me. +You can tell me. I can't. +I can't. She's dead isn't she? +She's dead isn't she? Yes. +Yes. She can't hurt you any more. +She can't hurt you any more. She can. +She can. How? +How? She watches... she listens. +She watches... she listens. Agnes, I don't believe that. Tell me. I'll protect you from her. +Agnes, I don't believe that. Tell me. I'll protect you from her. She... +She... Yes? +Yes? ... makes me... +... makes me... Yes? +Yes? ... take off my clothes and then... she makes fun of me. +... take off my clothes and then... she makes fun of me. She tells you you're ugly? +She tells you you're ugly? Yes. +Yes. And that you're stupid? +And that you're stupid? Yes. +Yes. That you're a mistake? +That you're a mistake? She says my whole body's a mistake. +She says my whole body's a mistake. Why? +Why? Because she says if I don't watch out I'll have a baby. +Because she says if I don't watch out I'll have a baby. How does she know that? +How does she know that? Her headaches. +Her headaches. Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. And then... +And then... What? +What? She touches me down there with a cigarette. Please Mommy, don't touch me like that any more. I'll be good, I won't be a baby any more. +She touches me down there with a cigarette. Please Mommy, don't touch me like that any more. I'll be good, I won't be a baby any more. Agnes, oh Agnes, Agnes I want you to do something. I want you to pretend that I'm your mother. Oh yes, only this time I want you to tell me what you're feeling, alright? +Agnes, oh Agnes, Agnes I want you to do something. I want you to pretend that I'm your mother. Oh yes, only this time I want you to tell me what you're feeling, alright? I'm afraid. +I'm afraid. Please! I want to help you. Let me help you. +Please! I want to help you. Let me help you. Alright. +Alright. Agnes, you're ugly!... what do you say? Of course you do. Agnes, you're ugly!... what do you say? +Agnes, you're ugly!... what do you say? Of course you do. Agnes, you're ugly!... what do you say? No I'm not. +No I'm not. Are you pretty? +Are you pretty? Yes. +Yes. Agnes, you're stupid. +Agnes, you're stupid. No I'm not. +No I'm not. Are you intelligent? +Are you intelligent? Yes I am. +Yes I am. You're a mistake. +You're a mistake. I'm not mistake, I'm here aren't I. How can I be a mistake if I'm really here. God doesn't make mistakes, you're a mistake... +Oh Agnes, oh Agnes, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, I love you. Do you really love me or are you just saying that? +Do you really love me or are you just saying that? I really love you. +I really love you. As much as Mother Miriam does? +As much as Mother Miriam does? As much as God loves you. +You're listening to a chorus of angels. The music surrounds you like a... warm and, comfortable pool of water. And while you're sleeping, you're going to be able to recall, all the things that we want you to remember. And when I count to three and clap my hands, you'll no longer be hypnotised. Can you hear me. Yes. +Yes. Who am I? +Who am I? Doctor Livingston. +Doctor Livingston. And why am I here? +And why am I here? To help me. +To help me. Good. Would you like to tell me why you're here? +Good. Would you like to tell me why you're here? Because I'm in trouble. +Because I'm in trouble. What kind of trouble? What kind of trouble Agnes? +I'm frightened. Of what? +Of what? Of telling you. +Of telling you. But it's easy. It's just a breath with sound. Say it. What kind of trouble? +But it's easy. It's just a breath with sound. Say it. What kind of trouble? I had a baby. +How did you have a baby? It came out of me. +It came out of me. Did you know what was going to come out? +Did you know what was going to come out? Yes. +Yes. Did you want it to come out? +Did you want it to come out? No. +No. Why? +Why? Because I was afraid. +Because I was afraid. Why were you afraid? +Why were you afraid? Because I wasn't worthy. +Because I wasn't worthy. To be a mother? +To be a mother? Yes. +Yes. Why? +Why? May I open my eyes now? +May I open my eyes now? No not yet Agnes, very soon but not yet. How did the baby get into you? +No not yet Agnes, very soon but not yet. How did the baby get into you? It grew. +It grew. What made it grow? Do you know? +What made it grow? Do you know? Yes. +Yes. Would you like to tell me? +Would you like to tell me? No. +No. Did anyone else know about the baby? +Did anyone else know about the baby? I can't tell you that. +I can't tell you that. Will she be angry? +Will she be angry? She made me promise not to. +She made me promise not to. Who? Who made you promise? It's alright Agnes. It's alright. Let's go to your room. It's the night about six weeks ago when you were very sick. +Who? Who made you promise? It's alright Agnes. It's alright. Let's go to your room. It's the night about six weeks ago when you were very sick. I'm afraid. +I'm afraid. Oh don't be, I'm here. It's alright. I want you to tell me what you did before you went to bed. +Oh don't be, I'm here. It's alright. I want you to tell me what you did before you went to bed. I ate. +I ate. Hm hmm. What did you have for dinner? +Hm hmm. What did you have for dinner? Fish... ... brussel sprouts. +Fish... ... brussel sprouts. You don't like brussel sprouts? +You don't like brussel sprouts? I hate them. +And then what happened? We went to chapel for vespers. +We went to chapel for vespers. Hm hmm. +Hm hmm. I left early because I wasn't feeling very well. +What is it? Someone's following me. +Someone's following me. Who? +Who? Sister Marguerite I think. +Sister Marguerite I think. Was it Sister Marguerite who knew about the baby? Alright Agnes, I want you to see your room as you saw it on that night. +My bed. What else? +What else? A crucifix. +A crucifix. Above the bed? Any... anything else? What do you you see, something different? What is it? +Above the bed? Any... anything else? What do you you see, something different? What is it? A wastepaper basket. +A wastepaper basket. Do you know who put it there? +Do you know who put it there? No. +No. What do you think it's there for? +What do you think it's there for? For me to get sick in. +For me to get sick in. Are you ill? +Are you ill? Yes. +Yes. What do you feel? +What do you feel? I feel as if I've eaten glass. +I feel as if I've eaten glass. What do you do? +What do you do? I have to throw up... +Which one? I don't know which one +I don't know which one Of what? +Of what? Of me. Oh... God! My God... Water... it's all water... +Of me. Oh... God! My God... Water... it's all water... Why isn't anyone coming? +Why isn't anyone coming? They can't hear me that's why. Oh God... I don't wanna... +Who? Go away, I don't want you here. +Go away, I don't want you here. Is someone in the room with you? +Is someone in the room with you? No... don't hit me please... +Alright Agnes... it's alright. One, two three... It's alright... it's me, Doctor Livingston, it's alright, alright. Thankyou Agnes, thankyou. How do you feel? Frightened. +Frightened. Do you remember what just happened? +Do you remember what just happened? Yes. +Yes. That's good. Do you feel well enough to stand? +That's good. Do you feel well enough to stand? Yes. +Agnes, can you hear me? Yes. +Yes. I want you to remember if you can a night last January. The night Sister Paul died. Do you remember. +She said Michael. What did she mean? +The statue. She had shown it to me the day before. And the passage to the barn? +And the passage to the barn? Yes. +Yes. Why? +Why? So I could go to him. +So I could go to him. Who? +Who? Him. +Him. How did she know about him? +How did she know about him? She'd seen him too. +She'd seen him too. Where? +Where? From the belltower the day she before she died. +From the belltower the day she before she died. So she sent you? +So she sent you? Yes. +Are you frightened? Yes. +It's bleeding... I'm bleeding... my God it won't stop, I can't get it to stop. Let go of me, I wish you were dead. Agnes... Agnes... +Stay away from me... Agnes it had nothing to do with the hand of God. He did a terrible thing to you, do you understand? +Agnes it had nothing to do with the hand of God. He did a terrible thing to you, do you understand? No... +No... He frightened you and he hurt you. It's not your fault. It's his fault. Tell us who he is so we can find him. Stop him from doing this to other women. +He frightened you and he hurt you. It's not your fault. It's his fault. Tell us who he is so we can find him. Stop him from doing this to other women. Not your fault... +Not your fault... Agnes who did you see? +Agnes who did you see? I hate him... +I hate him... Of course you do. Who was it? +Of course you do. Who was it? I hate him for what he did to me. +I hate him for what he did to me. Yes. +Yes. For what he made me go through. +For what he made me go through. Who? +Who? I hate him. +I hate him. Agnes, who did this to you? +God! It was God. And now I'll burn in hell because I hate him. Agnes you won't burn in hell. It's alright to hate him. +It was dead. It was alive wasn't it? +It was alive wasn't it? I don't remember. +Mother Miriam was with you wasn't she? Yes. +Yes. She took the baby in her arms? +She took the baby in her arms? Yes. +Yes. You saw it all didn't you? +You saw it all didn't you? Yes. +Yes. And then... what did she do? Agnes what did she do? +And then... what did she do? Agnes what did she do? She... left me alone with that little thing, and I looked at it, and I thought this is a mistake. But it's my mistake, not Mommy's. God's mistake. +What did you do? I put her to sleep. +I put her to sleep. H... how? +H... how? I tied the cord around her neck... wrapped her in the bloody sheets... and stuffed her in the trash can. +I've been watching. We were fine 'till she came. She brought the devil here. There was blood on her hand that night. Agnes? Who? Mother Superior? +Agnes? Who? Mother Superior? ??? +??? What? +What? Look into the convent records. +Look into the convent records. Sister... +Are you dictating my position to me? We're getting into some sticky legal territories here. Martha, all we're saying is, no-one wants this to come to trial, not the Church, not the Crown... least of all me. +Martha, all we're saying is, no-one wants this to come to trial, not the Church, not the Crown... least of all me. Eve, she strangled a baby! +Eve, she strangled a baby! Nobody is interested in sending a nun to prison. +Martha, you have to make a decision on her sanity as quickly as possible and not interfere with due process of law. No... no, excuse me Eve. As quickly as I see fit. +No... no, excuse me Eve. As quickly as I see fit. The longer you take to make a decision, the more difficult it will be for us. +The longer you take to make a decision, the more difficult it will be for us. Why? +Why? The bishop is breathing down our necks. +The bishop is breathing down our necks. And the sooner she goes to prison, the better off she'll be? +Here you are. Don't let anyone know where you got them. Thanks... +Larry... Marty, what are you doing here? +Marty, what are you doing here? Larry there's got to be something missing. +Larry there's got to be something missing. I gave you the pictures Marty, what else do you want? +I gave you the pictures Marty, what else do you want? Something they... that they overlooked. +Something they... that they overlooked. What? You think that the girl is innocent? +What? You think that the girl is innocent? I don't know. +I don't know. You got to be crazy. +Larry... What's the matter with you, you've seen the reports. It's a cut and dried case. +What's the matter with you, you've seen the reports. It's a cut and dried case. Maybe there's something that's not in the report that should be. +Maybe there's something that's not in the report that should be. You're too involved Marty. Jesus look at you. Why don't you turn this case over to someone else? +Thanks. If I find anything I'll call you. +Martha, it's you. What about Roger? He's free. +Would you tell me why the hell this is taking so long. Look there are a lot of unanswered questions here. +??? I don't believe this. I don't bloody believe this. +All I want is one more week. Why? You've done nothing to show any progress. +Why? You've done nothing to show any progress. Yes, that's because I'm getting to her. +Yes, that's because I'm getting to her. You're getting to all of us Martha, let's face it. +You're getting to all of us Martha, let's face it. I'll have a decision by next week. +I'll have a decision by next week. It's gone on long enough. You're out. +It's gone on long enough. You're out. Oh Joe... Joe she didn't kill the baby. +Oh Joe... Joe she didn't kill the baby. You have proof? +You have proof? I'll have it. +I'll have it. When? +When? Next week. +No, no, no... I can get you new evidence next week. +I can get you new evidence next week. No! +No! Tomorrow... tomorrow, I'll get it by tomorrow. I will. +Hello, Mama ... brought you something. Shut up, I'm trying to watch this. +Shut up, I'm trying to watch this. It's your favourite... +It's your favourite... Who are you? +Who are you? It's Martha, Mama. There you go. +It's Martha, Mama. There you go. Marie brings me icecream too you know. Chocolate... my favourite. +Marie brings me icecream too you know. Chocolate... my favourite. I thought cherry-vanilla was your favourite. +I thought cherry-vanilla was your favourite. Not any more... now I like chocolate. +Not any more... now I like chocolate. Did you have a good week Mama. Are they treating you all right? +Did you have a good week Mama. Are they treating you all right? You know Martha never comes to see me. You watch it, she's going straight to hell... after all the things she said to me. Then she marries that son of a bitch of a Frenchman... has an abortion. I knew that one wouldn't work out. Not like you Marie. You got married to God. +You know Martha never comes to see me. You watch it, she's going straight to hell... after all the things she said to me. Then she marries that son of a bitch of a Frenchman... has an abortion. I knew that one wouldn't work out. Not like you Marie. You got married to God. Marie's dead Mama. +Marie's dead Mama. I remember when you was a little girl Marie. You come back from the movies and you'd say - Mama that ending was so sad... and I'd tell you they had all the happy endings locked away in a vault in Hollywood. And you believed me. +I remember when you was a little girl Marie. You come back from the movies and you'd say - Mama that ending was so sad... and I'd tell you they had all the happy endings locked away in a vault in Hollywood. And you believed me. Mama, that wasn't Marie, that was me! +Mama, that wasn't Marie, that was me! Who are you? +Who are you? I... I'm Martha, Mama. +The convent was built for over fifty. Not many of us left... just us and the chickens. How do you survive? +How do you survive? Oh, we own the land around here. But we rent it out. We keep a few acres for ourselves, some wheat, corn, some vegetables. +Oh, we own the land around here. But we rent it out. We keep a few acres for ourselves, some wheat, corn, some vegetables. Well that's a lot of land. You must have help. Do you have field hands that help you? +Well that's a lot of land. You must have help. Do you have field hands that help you? No. We work the land alone. No-one but Sister Marguerite and I are permitted contact with the public. +No. We work the land alone. No-one but Sister Marguerite and I are permitted contact with the public. Sister Anne, which was Agnes' room? +Oh that one there, in the corner. The one up on the third floor? +The one up on the third floor? Yes. +Yes. Uh huh. +No. Well you're probably right about that. It certainly can't help Sister Agnes to have this investigation continued for any length of time. +Well you're probably right about that. It certainly can't help Sister Agnes to have this investigation continued for any length of time. Why do you call it an investigation? I never have. +Why do you call it an investigation? I never have. Your mother was a resident of Saint Catherines home before you moved her. +Your mother was a resident of Saint Catherines home before you moved her. What does this have to do with..? +And you had a sister who died in the convent. Who told you this? +Who told you this? Do you still go to church? +Do you still go to church? What business is it of yours..? +What business is it of yours..? Oh, we just wonder if you can be very objective about this case. +Oh, we just wonder if you can be very objective about this case. Look, Father, ah... just because I don't subscribe to the... to the beliefs you subscribe to... +Look, Father, ah... just because I don't subscribe to the... to the beliefs you subscribe to... But what you believe makes no difference to us whatsoever Doctor. But it does make all the difference to Agnes. +But what you believe makes no difference to us whatsoever Doctor. But it does make all the difference to Agnes. I don't understand. Are you expecting me to..? +I don't understand. Are you expecting me to..? Well somone's got to suffer for this Doctor. You've got to be merciful and quick. Excuse me. +I'm afraid the word brings up the most unpleasant connatations in this day and age... Yes... I... +Yes... I... You can call me Sister. +You can call me Sister. ... Thank you. +... Thank you. You must have tons of questions. You may smoke if you want to. Just don't tell any of the Sisters. +You were a smoker? Two packs a day. +Two packs a day. I can beat that. +I can beat that. Unfiltered. +Who knew about Agnes' pregnancy? No-one. +No-one. How did she hide it from the other nuns? +How did she hide it from the other nuns? She undressed alone... she bathed alone. +She undressed alone... she bathed alone. Is that normal? +Is that normal? Yes. +Yes. How did she hide it during the day? +How did she hide it during the day? She could have hidden a machine gun in here if she had wanted to. +She could have hidden a machine gun in here if she had wanted to. Didn't she have any physical examinations in this time? +Didn't she have any physical examinations in this time? We're examined once a year. Her pregnancy fell in between the doctor's visits. +We're examined once a year. Her pregnancy fell in between the doctor's visits. Who was the father? +Who was the father? I haven't a clue. +I haven't a clue. What man had access to her? +What man had access to her? None as far as I know. +None as far as I know. Was there a priest? +Was there a priest? Yes, but I... +Yes, but I... What's his name? +What's his name? Father Martineau, but I don't see him as a candidate. +Father Martineau, but I don't see him as a candidate. Could there have been anyone else? +Could there have been anyone else? Obviously there was. +Obviously there was. And you didn't try to find out who? +And you didn't try to find out who? Believe me, I've done everything possible short of asking Agnes. +Believe me, I've done everything possible short of asking Agnes. Why haven't you asked her? +She can't even remember the birth. Do you think she'd admit to the conception? Look, someone gave her the baby. +Look, someone gave her the baby. Yes, but that was some ten months ago. I fail to see that the identity of that somebody has anything to do with this trial. +Yes, but that was some ten months ago. I fail to see that the identity of that somebody has anything to do with this trial. Why do you think that? +Why do you think that? Don't ask me those questions dear, I'm not the patient. +Don't ask me those questions dear, I'm not the patient. Well I'm the doctor. I'm the one who's going to decide what is, or is not important here. +Well I'm the doctor. I'm the one who's going to decide what is, or is not important here. Look doctor, I don't know how to tell you this politely, but I don't approve of you. Not you personally... +Look doctor, I don't know how to tell you this politely, but I don't approve of you. Not you personally... The science of psychiatry. +The science of psychiatry. Exactly. I want you do deal with Agnes as speedily and as easily as possible. She won't hold up under any sort of cross examination. +Exactly. I want you do deal with Agnes as speedily and as easily as possible. She won't hold up under any sort of cross examination. I am not with the Inquisition. +I am not with the Inquisition. And I am not from the Middle Ages. I know what you are! I don't want that mind cut open. +Well... what do you think? Is she totally bananas or merely slightly off centre... or maybe she's perfectly sane and just a very good liar. What's your opinion? +What's your opinion? I believe Agnes is different. +I believe Agnes is different. From other nuns... Yes I... I've noticed. +From other nuns... Yes I... I've noticed. From other people! I believe she is not crazy, nor is she lying. +From other people! I believe she is not crazy, nor is she lying. How could she have a baby and know nothing of sex or birth? +How could she have a baby and know nothing of sex or birth? Because she's an innocent. She's a slate that's hasn't been touched except by God. +Because she's an innocent. She's a slate that's hasn't been touched except by God. That's ridiculous... +That's ridiculous... In her case it isn't. She's had very little schooling. Her mother kept her home almost all the time and when her mother died Agnes came here, to us. She's never been out there Doctor. She's never seen a movie or a television show. She's never even read a book. +In her case it isn't. She's had very little schooling. Her mother kept her home almost all the time and when her mother died Agnes came here, to us. She's never been out there Doctor. She's never seen a movie or a television show. She's never even read a book. If she's so innocent, how come she murdered a child? +If she's so innocent, how come she murdered a child? She didn't! This is manslaughter, not murder. She didn't consciously kill that baby. She'd lost a lot of blood. She was unconscious by the time we got to her. +She didn't! This is manslaughter, not murder. She didn't consciously kill that baby. She'd lost a lot of blood. She was unconscious by the time we got to her. So, someone else could have done it. +So, someone else could have done it. No... not in the eyes of the police. +No... not in the eyes of the police. And in your eyes? +And in your eyes? I've already told you what I thought. +I've already told you what I thought. That she was unconscious, yes! So someone easily could have come in the room and killed the... +That she was unconscious, yes! So someone easily could have come in the room and killed the... You don't really believe something like that happened do you? +You don't really believe something like that happened do you? It's possible isn't it? +It's possible isn't it? Who? +Who? One of the other nuns found out about the baby and... and wanted to avoid a scandal. +That's absurd! That possibility never occurred to you? +That possibility never occurred to you? No-one knew about Agnes' pregnancy. No-one. Not even Agnes. +This convent is locked solid. The only one that has a key is Sister Marguerite and she wouldn't let Christ in after dark. Well, it's been known to happen in the day too. Maybe Agnes went to him. +Well, it's been known to happen in the day too. Maybe Agnes went to him. Oh come on, you've talked to her. She doesn't even know how babies are born, let alone made. +Oh come on, you've talked to her. She doesn't even know how babies are born, let alone made. When did you first learn about her... innocence, the way she thinks? +When did you first learn about her... innocence, the way she thinks? Shortly after she came to us. +Shortly after she came to us. And you weren't shocked? +And you weren't shocked? I was appalled, just as you are now. +I was appalled, just as you are now. And what happened? +And what happened? She stopped eating completely... +This was before her pregnancy? About two years before. +Why didn't you take her to a doctor? It was healed by the following morning and she started eating again... +It was healed by the following morning and she started eating again... She had a... a hole in the palm of her hand! She could have bled to death. +She had a... a hole in the palm of her hand! She could have bled to death. But she didn't... did she. If anyone had seen what I'd seen she'd be public property... newspapermen, psychiatrists, ridicule. She doesn't deserve that. +But she didn't... did she. If anyone had seen what I'd seen she'd be public property... newspapermen, psychiatrists, ridicule. She doesn't deserve that. She has it now. +She has it now. I know what you're thinking, she's a hysteric pure and simple. +I know what you're thinking, she's a hysteric pure and simple. Not simple, no. +Not simple, no. I saw it. Clean through the palm of her hand. Do you think hysteria could do that? +I saw it. Clean through the palm of her hand. Do you think hysteria could do that? It's being doing it for centuries. She's not unique, she's just another victim. +It's being doing it for centuries. She's not unique, she's just another victim. God's victim. That's her innocence. She belongs to God. +God's victim. That's her innocence. She belongs to God. And I intend to take her away from Him. That's what you're afraid of isn't it? +You hate us don't you? What? +What? Nuns... you hate nuns. +Nuns... you hate nuns. I hate ignorance and stupidity. +I hate ignorance and stupidity. The Catholic Church... +The Catholic Church... I haven't said anything against the the Catholic Church. +I haven't said anything against the the Catholic Church. Catholicism is not on trial here. I want you to deal with Agnes without any religious prejudice or you turn this case over to someone else... +Catholicism is not on trial here. I want you to deal with Agnes without any religious prejudice or you turn this case over to someone else... How dare you tell me to run my affairs! +It's my affair too. How dare you think I'm in a position to be pressured... +I'm only interested... ... or bullied or what ever you're doing. Who the hell do you think you are? You go around here expecting applause for the way you treated this child. +She is not a child. And she has a right to know that there's a world out there filled with people who don't believe in God... ... and aren't any worse off than you Mother. People who've gone through their entire lives without bending their knees once, to anybody. And people who fall in love and have babies and occas- sionally are very happy. She has a right to know that. But you and your... your order and your Church have kept her ignorant... +??? ??? ... virginity, right Mother? Poverty, chastity and ignorance is what you live by. +??? ... virginity, right Mother? Poverty, chastity and ignorance is what you live by. I am not a virgin, Doctor. I was married for twenty three years, two daughters. I even have grandchildren... surprised? It might please you to know that I was a failure as a wife and mother. My children won't even see me any more, that's their revenge. I think they tell their friends that I've passed on. And don't tell me I'm making up for past mistakes Doctor Freud. +I am not a virgin, Doctor. I was married for twenty three years, two daughters. I even have grandchildren... surprised? It might please you to know that I was a failure as a wife and mother. My children won't even see me any more, that's their revenge. I think they tell their friends that I've passed on. And don't tell me I'm making up for past mistakes Doctor Freud. Then help her. +Then help her. I am... +I am... No, you're shielding her. Let her face the world. +No, you're shielding her. Let her face the world. What good would it do. No matter what you decide it's either the... the prison or the nut house and the differences between them are pretty thin. +What good would it do. No matter what you decide it's either the... the prison or the nut house and the differences between them are pretty thin. There's another choice. +There's another choice. What? +What? Aquittal. +Aquittal. How? +How? Innocence. Legal innocence. I know the judge would be happy for any reason to throw this case out of court. +All right, what do you need. Answers. +When would Agnes have conceived the child? Oh, some time in January. +Oh, some time in January. Do you remember anything unusual happening at the time? +Do you remember anything unusual happening at the time? Earthquakes? +Earthquakes? Visitors to the convent. +Visitors to the convent. Nothing. +Nothing. Do you have a... a diary or a day book? +Do you have a... a diary or a day book? Yes. +Yes. Take at look at it. +There's nothing here. Was the child full term? +Was the child full term? Oh, Dear God... +Oh, Dear God... What is it? +What is it? The sheets... +The sheets... What sheets? +What sheets? Oh, Dear God, I should have guessed... +When was that? The twenty third of January. On that night one of our elder nuns passed away. +The twenty third of January. On that night one of our elder nuns passed away. Sister Paul? +Sister Paul? Yes. I don't remember where Agnes was. I was needed in the sick room. +You lied to me About what? +About what? Your niece! +Your niece! I didn't tell you because I didn't think it was important. +I didn't tell you because I didn't think it was important. No, it just makes you doubly responsible doesn't it? +No, it just makes you doubly responsible doesn't it? I never saw Agnes until she set foot in this convent. My sister ran away from home. We lost touch with her. And when my husband died and I came here, she wrote to me and asked me if I would take care of Agnes in case anything happened. +I never saw Agnes until she set foot in this convent. My sister ran away from home. We lost touch with her. And when my husband died and I came here, she wrote to me and asked me if I would take care of Agnes in case anything happened. And Agnes' father? +Like keeping her home from school? Yes. +Yes. Listening to angels? +Listening to angels? She drank too much. That's what killed her. +She drank too much. That's what killed her. Do you know what she did to her? +Do you know what she did to her? I don't think I care to know. +I don't think I care to know. She molested her! +She molested her! Oh, dear God. +Oh, dear God. There is more here than meets the eye isn't there? Lots of dirty little secrets. +There is more here than meets the eye isn't there? Lots of dirty little secrets. Oh God, if only I'd known. +Oh God, if only I'd known. Why didn't you? You knew she was keeping her home from school. You knew she was an alcoholic. +Why didn't you? You knew she was keeping her home from school. You knew she was an alcoholic. I knew that after the fact. +I knew that after the fact. Why didn't you do anything to stop her? +Why didn't you do anything to stop her? Because I didn't know... +Because I didn't know... Oh, God. +And my permission? I'd like yours too. +We'll see about that. Don't deny it! +Don't deny it! I haven't decided yet. +I haven't decided yet. The woman's health is at stake. +The woman's health is at stake. Her spiritual health. +Her spiritual health. I don't give a damn about her spiritual health. +I don't give a damn about her spiritual health. I know you don't. +An unhappy woman... She's happy with us and she could go on being happy if she was left alone. +She's happy with us and she could go on being happy if she was left alone. Then why did you call the police in the first place Mother, huh? +Because I am a moral person. Bullshit! +Bullshit! Bullshit yourself! +Bullshit yourself! Catholic Church doesn't have a corner on morality... +Catholic Church doesn't have a corner on morality... Who said anything about the Catholic Church... +Who said anything about the Catholic Church... You just said... +You just said... What the hell has the Catholic Church got to do with you? +What the hell has the Catholic Church got to do with you? Nothing... +Nothing... What have we done to hurt you? And don't deny it, I can smell an ex-Catholic a mile away. What did we do? Burn a few heretics, sell some indulgences? That was in the days when the Church was a ruling body. We let governments do those things today. So what did we do to you eh? You wanted to neck in the back seat of a car when you were fifteen and you couldn't because it was a sin? +It wasn't sex. It was a lot of things, but it wasn't sex. You know when I was in the first grade my best friend was run over on the way to school, you know what the nun said? She died because she hadn't said her morning prayers. Stupid woman... and that's all? +Stupid woman... and that's all? That's all? That's enough! She was a beautiful little girl. +That's all? That's enough! She was a beautiful little girl. And what has that to do with it? +And what has that to do with it? I wasn't. I wasn't. She was the pretty one. She died, why not me? I never said my morning prayers. And I was ugly, I was scrawny, I had buck teeth and freckles all over my face, do you know what the nun called me, Sister Mary Clitus, called me Polkadot Livingston. +I wasn't. I wasn't. She was the pretty one. She died, why not me? I never said my morning prayers. And I was ugly, I was scrawny, I had buck teeth and freckles all over my face, do you know what the nun called me, Sister Mary Clitus, called me Polkadot Livingston. So you left the Church because you had freckles? +So you left the Church because you had freckles? No, because I... yeah, yeah I left the Church cause I had freckles. +My sister died in a convent. And it's her voice I hear. Does my smoking bother you? No, it reminds me. +No, it reminds me. Would you like one? Huh? +Would you like one? Huh? I'd love one. +I'm out of prac... ... practice. All right? +All right? Fine thanks... +Fine thanks... Do you suppose the saints would have smoked if tobacco had been popular back then? +Do you suppose the saints would have smoked if tobacco had been popular back then? Undoubtedly. Not the ascetics of course but, well Saint Thomas More... +Undoubtedly. Not the ascetics of course but, well Saint Thomas More... Long, thin and filtered. +Long, thin and filtered. Saint Ignatius would smoke cigars and stub them out on the soles of his bare feet. And of course +Saint Ignatius would smoke cigars and stub them out on the soles of his bare feet. And of course Hand rolled. +Hand rolled. Even Christ would partake socially. +Even Christ would partake socially. Saint Peter? +Saint Peter? Pipe! +Pipe! Right... +Right... Mary Magdelen? +Mary Magdelen? Oh, you've come a long way baby. +Oh, you've come a long way baby. And Saint John would chew tobacco. +Right. What do you suppose today's saints are smoking? There are no saints today. Good people yes, but extraordinarily good people... those I'm afraid we are sorely lacking. +There are no saints today. Good people yes, but extraordinarily good people... those I'm afraid we are sorely lacking. Do you think they ever existed? +Do you think they ever existed? Yes I do. +Yes I do. Do you want to become one? +Do you want to become one? Become? One is born a saint. +Become? One is born a saint. Well you can try, can't you, to be good? +Well you can try, can't you, to be good? Yes, but goodness has very little to do with it. Not all the saints were good, in fact some of them were a little crazy. But... they were still attached to God. Agnes has that birth. No more... we're born, we live, we die. No room for miracles. Oh my dear, how I miss the miracles. +Do you think Agnes is still attached to God? Listen to her singing. +Listen to her singing. I'd like to begin. +I'd like to begin. Begin what? +Begin what? The hypnotism. Do you still disapprove? +The hypnotism. Do you still disapprove? Would it stop you if I did? +Would it stop you if I did? No. +May I be present? Of course. +Of course. Then let's begin. +Stop this, she'll hurt herself I'm not going to allow this. NO... no... I said leave her alone. +I've just met with the bishop. We're taking you off the case. You're what? +You're what? If we want to hire a psychiatrist for Agnes. we'll find our own, thank you. +If we want to hire a psychiatrist for Agnes. we'll find our own, thank you. One that will ask the questions you want asked. +One that will ask the questions you want asked. One that will approach this matter with some objectivity and respect. +One that will approach this matter with some objectivity and respect. For the Church? +For the Church? For Agnes. +For Agnes. You think she's a saint? +You think she's a saint? She's been touched by God, yes. +She's been touched by God, yes. How? How? She hallucinates, stops eating and bleeds spontaneously. Is that supposed to convince me she shouldn't be touched. Give me a miracle. +How? How? She hallucinates, stops eating and bleeds spontaneously. Is that supposed to convince me she shouldn't be touched. Give me a miracle. The father! +The father! Who is he? +Who is he? Why must he be anybody? +Why must he be anybody? My God, you're as crazy as... +My God, you're as crazy as... Stop laughing, I don't say it's the truth, I'm saying... +Stop laughing, I don't say it's the truth, I'm saying... How ? +How ? Don't be ridiculous. +Don't be ridiculous. Well give me a reasonable explanation +Well give me a reasonable explanation A miracle is an event without an explanation. If she's capable of putting a hole in her hand without benefit of a nail, why couldn't she split a cell in her womb? +A miracle is an event without an explanation. If she's capable of putting a hole in her hand without benefit of a nail, why couldn't she split a cell in her womb? This is insane. +This is insane. There as no man in the convent on that night and no way for any man to get in or out. +There as no man in the convent on that night and no way for any man to get in or out. You're saying God did it? +But how did it happen? You'll never find the answer for everything God did. +You'll never find the answer for everything God did. I thought you didn't believe in miracles today Mother? +I thought you didn't believe in miracles today Mother? But I want the opportunity to believe. I want the choice to believe. +But I want the opportunity to believe. I want the choice to believe. But what you are choosing to believe is a lie because you won't face the fact that she was raped... or seduced... or that she did the seducing. +But what you are choosing to believe is a lie because you won't face the fact that she was raped... or seduced... or that she did the seducing. She is an innocent. +She is an innocent. But she is not an enigma Mother. Everything that Agnes has done is explainable from modern psychiatry. One, two, three, right down the line. +But she is not an enigma Mother. Everything that Agnes has done is explainable from modern psychiatry. One, two, three, right down the line. That's what you believe she is? The sum of her psychological parts? +That's what you believe she is? The sum of her psychological parts? That's what I have to believe... +That's what I have to believe... Then why are you so obsessed with her? You're losing sleep over her? You're thinking about her all the time. You're bent on saving her. Why? +There's a tunnel out of the crypt into the barn. Did you know about that? There's an answer Mother. That's how she got out. That's crazy. How could she find out about it? +That's crazy. How could she find out about it? Somebody told her. +Somebody told her. Who? That tun... that tunnel hasn't been used in fifty years. +Who? That tun... that tunnel hasn't been used in fifty years. Oh, would you stop lying Mother! +Oh, would you stop lying Mother! Why would I lie? +Why would I lie? Because it's murder we're talking about. Aren't you concerned about what she told us about the other person in her room. +Because it's murder we're talking about. Aren't you concerned about what she told us about the other person in her room. I'm concerned about her health. +I'm concerned about her health. Who was that person Mother? Was it you? +Who was that person Mother? Was it you? If you believe this is murder, it is the Crown attorney you have to talk to, not me. And definitely not Agnes. +This is permission to take her apart. Where is she? +Where is she? Hasn't she had enough? +Hasn't she had enough? I have a few more questions to ask her. +I have a few more questions to ask her. My God, but you're determined. +Who knew she was pregnant? Why do you insist upon pressing... +Why do you insist upon pressing... Was it you? +Was it you? Is it because she's a nun? +Is it because she's a nun? Did you know she was pregnant? +Did you know she was pregnant? Yes. +Yes. And you didn't send her to a doctor. +And you didn't send her to a doctor. I didn't guess until it was too late. +I didn't guess until it was too late. For what? An abortion? +For what? An abortion? Oh, don't be ridiculous. +Oh, don't be ridiculous. Too late for what? +Too late for what? I don't know... too late to stop it. +I don't know... too late to stop it. The baby? +The baby? The scandal... +The scandal... You went to the room to help with the birth. +You went to the room to help with the birth. She didn't want any help. +She didn't want any help. You wanted that child out of the way. +You wanted that child out of the way. That's a lie. +That's a lie. You hid the wastepaper basket in her room. +You hid the wastepaper basket in her room. I didn't hide it. I put it there for the blood and the dirty sheets. +I didn't hide it. I put it there for the blood and the dirty sheets. And the baby. +And the baby. No! +No! You tied the cord around its neck. +You tied the cord around its neck. I wanted her to have it when no-one else was around, they would have taken the baby to a hospital and left it with them, but it was such a difficult birth, there was so much blood and I panicked. +I wanted her to have it when no-one else was around, they would have taken the baby to a hospital and left it with them, but it was such a difficult birth, there was so much blood and I panicked. Before or after you killed the child? +Before or after you killed the child? I left it with her and I went for help. +I left it with her and I went for help. I doubt that's what she'd say. +I doubt that's what she'd say. Then she's a liar. +That's enough. Agnes, what happened to the baby? +Agnes, what happened to the baby? She can't remember. +She can't remember. What happened to the baby? +Oh, don't do this! Wasn't it! +Of course, John. "Yes, they were playing the queues outside the picture palaces of Liverpool. Scruffy young lads, lacking even the price of a jam roll. Orphans, every Paddy's son of 'em. I saw their potential at once although I had me doubts about the little fella, a savage primitive, that Ringo, but it was him what gave in first. He picked up a brick and heaved it at me and I quelled him wid one fierce flash of me eyes. ""Mister, can you spare us a copper?"" he said. I was disarmed by the grubby little outstretched mauler ... So, I took them under me managerial banner." +"Yes, they were playing the queues outside the picture palaces of Liverpool. Scruffy young lads, lacking even the price of a jam roll. Orphans, every Paddy's son of 'em. I saw their potential at once although I had me doubts about the little fella, a savage primitive, that Ringo, but it was him what gave in first. He picked up a brick and heaved it at me and I quelled him wid one fierce flash of me eyes. ""Mister, can you spare us a copper?"" he said. I was disarmed by the grubby little outstretched mauler ... So, I took them under me managerial banner." The usual ten per cent? +The usual ten per cent? Oh, not at all, I let them have twenty-five; sure aren't there four of them? +Oh, not at all, I let them have twenty-five; sure aren't there four of them? How fascinating. Do go on ... ... John. +How fascinating. Do go on ... ... John. ... Oh, I'm all heart, Ma'am, all heart ... Well, I let ... +Lay them down. Eh? +Eh? Lay them down. +Lay them down. We'd be thrown out. +We'd be thrown out. Your cards... lay them down... face up. +They're yours. They are? +They are? The cards... you're bank. +Here, mate, that's my hoop, stop playing with it. Hoop, this isn't a hoop, it's a lethal weapon. Have you got a licence for it? +Hoop, this isn't a hoop, it's a lethal weapon. Have you got a licence for it? Oh don't be so stroppy! +Oh don't be so stroppy! "Well! A boy of your age bowling ""hoop"" at people. How old are you anyway?" +"Well! A boy of your age bowling ""hoop"" at people. How old are you anyway?" Nine. +Nine. Bet you're only eight and a half. +Bet you're only eight and a half. Eight and two thirds. +Eight and two thirds. Well, there you are and watch it with that hoop. +Well, there you are and watch it with that hoop. Gerron out of it, you're only jealous 'cause you're old. +Gerron out of it, you're only jealous 'cause you're old. Shurrup! +Shurrup! I bet you're -- sixteen! +I bet you're -- sixteen! Fifteen and two thirds, actually. +Fifteen and two thirds, actually. Well -- +Well -- All right, take your hoop and bowl. +Oh you can have it, I'm packing it in -- it depresses me. Y'what? +Y'what? You heard, it gets on my wick. +You heard, it gets on my wick. Well that's lovely talk, that is. And another thing, why aren't you at school? +Well that's lovely talk, that is. And another thing, why aren't you at school? I'm a deserter. +I'm a deserter. Are you now? +Are you now? Yeah, I've blown school out. +Yeah, I've blown school out. Just you? +Just you? No, Ginger, Eddy Fallon and Ding Dong. +No, Ginger, Eddy Fallon and Ding Dong. Ding Dong? Oh Ding Dong Bell, eh? +Ding Dong? Oh Ding Dong Bell, eh? Yeah, that's right, they was supposed to come with us but they chickened. +Yeah, that's right, they was supposed to come with us but they chickened. Yeah? And they're your mates are they? +Yeah? And they're your mates are they? Yeah. +Yeah. Not much cop without 'em, is it? +Not much cop without 'em, is it? Oh, it's all right. +Oh, it's all right. Yeah? +Yeah? Yeah. +Yeah. What they like? +Ginger's mad, he says things all the time and Eddy's good at punching and spitting. How about Ding Dong? +How about Ding Dong? He's a big head and he fancies himself with it but you know it's all right 'cos he's one of the gang. +Why aren't you at work? I'm a deserter, too. +I'm a deserter, too. Oh. +What about all these letters? Read 'em! +Shurrup! Isn't it always the way? Picking on us little fellas. +Can you fix him for me? Yeah. +Yeah. Sixpence. +The police have the poor unfortunate lad in the Bridewell. The police station. +The police station. He'll be pulp by now. +All right, all right. If you don't need this lot, I'll lock 'em up in the dressing room till you do. Please do, I'll not need them for fifteen minutes. Thank you. +Sure. And hurry, they're not looking too happy. +Well, that's it, two minutes to the final run-through... they're bound to miss it... I'll murder that Lennon. +I'll murder that Lennon. But I suppose we can survive a missed run-through as long... +You don't think... They'll be here. +They'll be here. Oh now, they can't do that to me. It's all your fault. Oh yes it is and if they don't turn up I wouldn't be in your shoes for all the... +Boys, you don't know what this means to me. If you hadn't come back it would have been the epilogue or the news in Welsh for life. Aren't you supposed to be in that box? +Leave them drums alone. Oh, surely one can have a tiny touch. +Oh, surely one can have a tiny touch. If you so much as breathe heavy on them, I'm out on strike. +If you so much as breathe heavy on them, I'm out on strike. Aren't you being rather arbitrary? +Aren't you being rather arbitrary? That's right retreat behind a smoke screen of bourgeois cliches. I don't go round messing about with your ear-phones, do I? +That's right retreat behind a smoke screen of bourgeois cliches. I don't go round messing about with your ear-phones, do I? Spoil sport! +Spoil sport! Well! +Would you like to be a little more precise, sir? Well, that's the wrong line for a start. +Well, that's the wrong line for a start. Sorry? +"Yeah, you know, ""O.K. Buster, follow that car, there's a sawbuck in it for you if you get real close!""" Oh, yes, now I'm with you. [he changes his accent] But, gee, Mister, I've got my license to think of ... we're doing a hundred now ... +Ever seen one of these before? Ah ... a shamus, eh? +Ah ... a shamus, eh? I see you go to the night court. +I see you go to the night court. I've made the scene. +I've made the scene. Well, remember, its Leathery Magee up ahead in that convertible, so cover me in the stake-out. +We're nearly there, sir. Eh ... don't call him sir, he's got enough delusions of power as it is. +He doesn't like me, honest, I can tell ... It's 'cos I'm little. You've got an inferiority complex, you have. +You've got an inferiority complex, you have. Yeah, I know, that's why I took up the drums. It's me active compensatory factor. +Are you going in? No, she'll only reject me in the end and I'll be frustrated. +No, she'll only reject me in the end and I'll be frustrated. You never know, you might be lucky this time. +You never know, you might be lucky this time. No, I know the psychological pattern and it plays hell with me drum skins. +Me? Why? Bag-snatcher. +I don't snore. You do - repeatedly. +You do - repeatedly. Do I snore? +Eh, Ringo, do you know what happened to me? No. I don't. +Look, I'm terribly sorry but I'm afraid there's been some sort of a misunderstanding. Oh, you can come off it with us. You don't have to do the old adenoidal glottal stop and carry on for our benefit. +Oh, you can come off it with us. You don't have to do the old adenoidal glottal stop and carry on for our benefit. I'm afraid I don't understand. +I'm afraid I don't understand. Oh, my God, he's a natural. +We want you to give us your opinion on some clothes for teenagers. Oh, by all means, I'd be quite prepared for that eventuality. +Oh, by all means, I'd be quite prepared for that eventuality. Well, not your real opinion, naturally. It'll be written out and you'll learn it. Can he read? +Well, not your real opinion, naturally. It'll be written out and you'll learn it. Can he read? Of course I can. +Of course I can. I mean lines, ducky, can you handle lines? +I mean lines, ducky, can you handle lines? I'll have a bash. +I'll have a bash. Good. Hart, get him whatever it is they drink, a cokearama? +Good. Hart, get him whatever it is they drink, a cokearama? Ta. +Ta. Well, at least he's polite. Tony Show him the shirts, Adrian. +"Now, you'll like these. You really ""dig"" them. They're ""fab"" and all the other pimply hyperboles." I wouldn't be seen dead in them. They're dead grotty. +I wouldn't be seen dead in them. They're dead grotty. Grotty? +Grotty? Yeah, grotesque. +Yeah, grotesque. Make a note of that word and give it to Susan. I think it's rather touching really. Here's this kid trying to give me his utterly valueless opinion when I know for a fact within four weeks he'll be suffering from a violent inferiority complex and loss of status if he isn't wearing one of these nasty things. Of course they're grotty, you wretched nit, that's why they were designed, but that's what you'll want. +Make a note of that word and give it to Susan. I think it's rather touching really. Here's this kid trying to give me his utterly valueless opinion when I know for a fact within four weeks he'll be suffering from a violent inferiority complex and loss of status if he isn't wearing one of these nasty things. Of course they're grotty, you wretched nit, that's why they were designed, but that's what you'll want. But I won't. +But I won't. You can be replaced you know, chicky baby. +You can be replaced you know, chicky baby. I don't care. +I don't care. And that pose is out too, Sunny Jim. The new thing is to care passionately, and be right wing. Anyway, you won't meet Susan if you don't cooperate. +And that pose is out too, Sunny Jim. The new thing is to care passionately, and be right wing. Anyway, you won't meet Susan if you don't cooperate. And who's this Susan when she's at home? +And who's this Susan when she's at home? Only Susan Campey, our resident teenager. You'll have to love her. She's your symbol. +Only Susan Campey, our resident teenager. You'll have to love her. She's your symbol. Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong? +Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong? I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? Oh, yes, the lads frequently gather round the T.V. set to watch her for a giggle. Once we even all sat down and wrote these letters saying how gear she was and all that rubbish. +Oh, yes, the lads frequently gather round the T.V. set to watch her for a giggle. Once we even all sat down and wrote these letters saying how gear she was and all that rubbish. She's a trend setter. It's her profession! +She's a trend setter. It's her profession! She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things. +She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things. Get him out of here!! +Get him out of here!! Have I said something amiss? +Have I said something amiss? Get him out of here. He's knocking the programme's image!! +That's not your Grandfather. It is, y'know. +It is, y'know. But your Grandfather lives in your house. I've seen him. +But your Grandfather lives in your house. I've seen him. Oh, that's me other Grandfather, but this one's me Grandfather and all. +You see, he was going to get married but she threw him over for a butcher. A butcher? +A butcher? Yeah, she was fickle. +Gerron. No, straight up. +Aye and we'll have to watch it and all. I suggest you just give him the photos and have done with it. +Aye, but don't rush. None of your five bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff. Now what's that supposed to mean? +Now what's that supposed to mean? I don't really know, but it sounded distinguished, like, didn't it? +Did you look in here? No. I mean, it's probably a honeymoon couple or a company director or something. +No. I mean, it's probably a honeymoon couple or a company director or something. Well, let's broaden our outlook. +Sure. . Ah well. Eh, look! +What's up? He's sulking again. +Ringo! Wake up! +Oh, listen to teacher's pet. You crawler. +Eh, I don't know if you realise it, but ... We do. +We do. Yes. Your grandfather's stirred him up. +Yes. Your grandfather's stirred him up. He hasn't. +He hasn't. Yes, he's filled his head with notions seemingly. +Yes, he's filled his head with notions seemingly. The old mixer, come on we'll have to put him right. +Oh, there you are! Oh, I'm sorry, I must have made a mistake. +Oh, I'm sorry, I must have made a mistake. You haven't, you're just late. Oh, yes, he's going to be very pleased with you. +You haven't, you're just late. Oh, yes, he's going to be very pleased with you. Is he? +Is he? Yes, you're quite a feather in the cap. Hello, I've got one ... oh, I think so ... yes, he can talk ... Well ... I think you ought to see him. Of course, right away. +Well ... come on. Sorry. +Oh, Paul, you can't have your own way!!! If I let you have your own way, you little rascal, will you respect me? +Come on, Auntie, you're winning. Get in there, Paul, she's weakening. +That must have cost you a fortune in stamps, Ringo. He comes from a large family. +Should I say it? Follow your impulse. +I don't think that bit's right. What do you expect from an ad lib ... Raymond Chandler? +How'd you like a dirty great drum roll giving you a clout right in the middle of your solo? You're getting out of hand. I don't know what's come over you today. +It's happened at last, we've become a limited company. I'll look in here again. +What are we waiting for? Come here. +Morning! Who's that little old man? It's Paul's grandfather. +It's Paul's grandfather. Oh aye, but I thought ... +No, I didn't you did ... Well, what happened? +Well, what happened? The old fella wanted these pictures and Norm said he couldn't have 'em, all I said was 'aw go on, be big about it.' +Hello, he's not talking to me. He's having a sulk. Well, it must be catching. He's given it to the champ here. +Sorry. Eh, there's only three of them. +Oh! Well ... go 'head, do the next bit. +Well ... go 'head, do the next bit. Go away! You've spoilt it. +Go away! You've spoilt it. Oh, sorry I spoke. +Are you supposed to be here? I've got you worried, haven't I? +I've got you worried, haven't I? I'm warning you, they'll be back in a minute. +I'm warning you, they'll be back in a minute. "D'you know something, ""They"" don't worry me at all. Anyroad, I only fancy listening to you ... that's all but if it worries you ... well ..." +"D'you know something, ""They"" don't worry me at all. Anyroad, I only fancy listening to you ... that's all but if it worries you ... well ..." You're from Liverpool, aren't you? +You're from Liverpool, aren't you? How'd you guess? +How'd you guess? Oh, it's the way you talk. +Oh, it's the way you talk. Is it ... is it, really? +Is it ... is it, really? Are you pulling my leg? +Are you pulling my leg? Something like that. +Something like that. I see. Do you like the play? +I see. Do you like the play? Yeah ... I mean, sure, well, I took it at school but I only ever heard boys and masters saying those lines, like, sounds different on a girl. Yeah, it's gear on a girl. +Yeah ... I mean, sure, well, I took it at school but I only ever heard boys and masters saying those lines, like, sounds different on a girl. Yeah, it's gear on a girl. Gear? +Gear? Aye, the big hammer, smashing! +Aye, the big hammer, smashing! Thank you. +Thank you. Don't mench ... well, why don't you give us a few more lines, like? +You don't half slam the door in people's faces, do you? I mean, what about when you're playing the part, like, hundreds of people'll see you and ... I'm not ... +I'm not ... Oh, you're the understudy, sort of thing? +Oh, you're the understudy, sort of thing? No. I'm a walk-on in a fancy dress scene. I just felt like doing those lines. +No. I'm a walk-on in a fancy dress scene. I just felt like doing those lines. Oh, I see. You are an actress though, aren't you? +Oh, I see. You are an actress though, aren't you? Yes. +Yes. Aye, I knew you were. +Aye, I knew you were. What's that mean? +What's that mean? "Well, the way you were spouting, like .... ""I don't believe you, sir..."" and all that. Yeah, it was gear." +"Well, the way you were spouting, like .... ""I don't believe you, sir..."" and all that. Yeah, it was gear." The big hammer? +The big hammer? Oh aye, a sledge. +Oh aye, a sledge. But the way you did it then sounded so phony. +But the way you did it then sounded so phony. No ... I wouldn't say that ... just like an actress ... you know. +But that's not like a real person at all. Aye well, actresses aren't like real people, are they? +Aye well, actresses aren't like real people, are they? They ought to be. +They ought to be. Oh, I don't know, anyroad up, they never are, are they? +Oh, I don't know, anyroad up, they never are, are they? What are you? +What are you? I'm in a group ... well ... there are four of us, we play and sing. +I'm in a group ... well ... there are four of us, we play and sing. I bet you don't sound like real people. +I bet you don't sound like real people. We do, you know. We sound like us having a ball. It's fab. +We do, you know. We sound like us having a ball. It's fab. Is it really fab or are you just saying that to convince yourself? +Is it really fab or are you just saying that to convince yourself? What of? Look, I wouldn't do it unless I was. I'm dead lucky 'cos I get paid for doing something I love doing. +... all this and a jam butty too!! I only enjoy acting for myself. I hate it when other people are let in. +I only enjoy acting for myself. I hate it when other people are let in. Why? I mean, which are you, scared or selfish? +Why? I mean, which are you, scared or selfish? Why selfish? +Why selfish? Well, you've got to have people to taste your treacle toffee. +"No, hang on, I've not gone daft. You see, when I was little me mother let me make some treacle toffee one time in our back scullery. When I'd done she said to me, ""Go and give some to the other kids."" So, I said I would but I thought to meself, ""She must think I'm soft."" Anyroad, I was eating away there but I wanted somebody else to know how good it was so in the end I wound up giving it all away ... but I didn't mind, mind, 'cos I'd made the stuff in the first place. Well ... that's why you need other people... an audience ... to taste your treacle toffee, like. Eh ... does that sound as thickheaded to you as it does to me?" Not really but I'm probably not a toffee maker. How would you do those lines of mine? +Not really but I'm probably not a toffee maker. How would you do those lines of mine? Well, look at it this way, I mean, when you come right down to it, that girl, she's a bit of a scrubber, isn't she? +Well, look at it this way, I mean, when you come right down to it, that girl, she's a bit of a scrubber, isn't she? Is she? +Is she? Of course ... Look, if she was a Liverpool scrubber ... Eh, fella, you want to try pulling the other one, it's got a full set of bells hanging off it ... Y'what? ... I know your sort, two cokes and a packet of cheese and onion crisps and suddenly it's love and we're stopping in an empty shop doorway. You're just after me body and y'can't have it ... so there!! +Of course ... Look, if she was a Liverpool scrubber ... Eh, fella, you want to try pulling the other one, it's got a full set of bells hanging off it ... Y'what? ... I know your sort, two cokes and a packet of cheese and onion crisps and suddenly it's love and we're stopping in an empty shop doorway. You're just after me body and y'can't have it ... so there!! And you honestly think that's what she meant? +And you honestly think that's what she meant? Oh, definitely, it sticks out a mile, she's trying to get him to marry her but he doesn't want ... well ... I don't reckon any fella's ever wanted to get married. But girls are like that, clever and cunning. You've got to laugh. +Well, it's nice to know you think we're clever. And cunning. +And cunning. And what do you do about it? +And what do you do about it? Me? Oh, I don't have the time, I'm always running about with the lads ... no, we don't have the time. +Me? Oh, I don't have the time, I'm always running about with the lads ... no, we don't have the time. Pity. +Pity. Aye, it is but as long as you get by, it's all right, you know ... bash on, happy valley's when they let you stop. Anyroad, I'd better get back. +Aye, it is but as long as you get by, it's all right, you know ... bash on, happy valley's when they let you stop. Anyroad, I'd better get back. Yes. +Yes. See you. +See you. Of course. +Ah. Quite right, invites to gambling dens full of easy money and fast women, chicken sandwiches and cornets of caviar, disgusting! +Will you ever look at him, sitting there wid his hooter scraping away at that book! Well ... what's the matter with that? +Well ... what's the matter with that? Have you no natural resources of your own? Have they even robbed you of that? +Have you no natural resources of your own? Have they even robbed you of that? You can learn from books. +You can learn from books. Can you now? Aah ... sheeps' heads! You learn more by getting out there and living. +Can you now? Aah ... sheeps' heads! You learn more by getting out there and living. Out where? +Out where? Any old where ... but not our little Richard ... oh no! When you're not thumping them pagan skins, you're tormenting your eyes wid that rubbish! +Any old where ... but not our little Richard ... oh no! When you're not thumping them pagan skins, you're tormenting your eyes wid that rubbish! Books are good! +Books are good! Parading's better! +Parading's better! Parading? +Parading? That's it, parading the streets ... trailing your coat ... bowling along ... living! +That's it, parading the streets ... trailing your coat ... bowling along ... living! Well, I am living, aren't I? +Well, I am living, aren't I? You're living, are you? When was the last time you gave a girl a pink-edged daisy? When did you last embarrass a sheila wid your cool appraising stare? +You're living, are you? When was the last time you gave a girl a pink-edged daisy? When did you last embarrass a sheila wid your cool appraising stare? Eh ... you're a bit old for that sort of chat, aren't you? +Eh ... you're a bit old for that sort of chat, aren't you? At least I've a backlog of memories, but all you've got is that book! +At least I've a backlog of memories, but all you've got is that book! Aaah ... stop picking on me... you're as bad as the rest of them. +Aaah ... stop picking on me... you're as bad as the rest of them. So you are a man after all. +So you are a man after all. What's that mean? +What's that mean? Do you think I haven't noticed ... do you think I wasn't aware of the drift? Oh ... you poor unfortunate scuff, they've driven you into books by their cruel, unnatural treatment, exploiting your good nature. +Do you think I haven't noticed ... do you think I wasn't aware of the drift? Oh ... you poor unfortunate scuff, they've driven you into books by their cruel, unnatural treatment, exploiting your good nature. Oh ... I dunno. +Oh ... I dunno. And that lot's never happier than when they're jeering at you ... and where would they be without the steady support of your drum beat, I'd like to know. +And that lot's never happier than when they're jeering at you ... and where would they be without the steady support of your drum beat, I'd like to know. Yeah ... that's right. +Yeah ... that's right. And what's it all come to in the end? +And what's it all come to in the end? Yeah ... what's in it for me? +Yeah ... what's in it for me? A book! +A book! Yeah ... a bloomin' book! +When you could be out there betraying a rich American widow or sipping palm wine in Tahiti before you're too old like me. A fine neat and trim lad the class of you should be helping himself to life's goodies before the sands run out. Being an old age pensioner's a terrible drag on a man and every second you waste is bringing you nearer the Friday queue at the Post Office. Yeah ... funny really, 'cos I'd never thought of it but being middle-aged and old takes up most of your time, doesn't it? +Yeah ... funny really, 'cos I'd never thought of it but being middle-aged and old takes up most of your time, doesn't it? You're only right. +You're only right. I'm not wrong. +Where are you off to? I'm going parading before it's too late! +Ringo, me old scout, they grabbed yer leg for the iron too, did they? Well I'm not exactly a voluntary patient. +Well I'm not exactly a voluntary patient. Shush! Have they roughed you up yet? +Shush! Have they roughed you up yet? What? +What? Keep your voice down, this lot'll paste you, just for the exercise. Oh they're a desperate crew of drippings and they've fists like matured hams for pounding defenceless lads like you. +Keep your voice down, this lot'll paste you, just for the exercise. Oh they're a desperate crew of drippings and they've fists like matured hams for pounding defenceless lads like you. Have they? +Have they? That sergeant's a body-blow veteran if ever I measured one. One of us has got to escape. I'll get the boys. Hold on son, I'll be back for you. +That sergeant's a body-blow veteran if ever I measured one. One of us has got to escape. I'll get the boys. Hold on son, I'll be back for you. Me! +Me! And if they get you on the floor watch out for your brisket. +And if they get you on the floor watch out for your brisket. Oh, they seem all right to me. +Oh, they seem all right to me. That's what they want you to think. All coppers are villains. +What are you doing? Lip reading. +Lip reading. What are they saying? +What are they saying? Nothing good. +Well, you got me here so do your worst but I'll take one of you with me. Oh, I know your game, get me in the tiled room and out come the rubber hoses but I'll defy you still. Is there a fire, then? +You ugly, great brute you, you have sadism stamped all over your bloated British kisser. Eh? +Eh? I'll go on a hunger strike. I know your caper. The kidney punch and the rabbit-clout. The third degree and the size twelve boot ankle-tap. +I'll go on a hunger strike. I know your caper. The kidney punch and the rabbit-clout. The third degree and the size twelve boot ankle-tap. What's he on about? +What's he on about? I'm soldier of the Republic, you'll need the mahogany truncheon for this boyo. A nation once again. +I'm soldier of the Republic, you'll need the mahogany truncheon for this boyo. A nation once again. Get Lloyd George over there with that mechanic in the cloth cap while I sort this lot out. +Would you two like a cup of tea? You see, sly villains. +Hello, Grandfather! Hello. +Hello. He can talk then? +And we're looking after him, are we? I'll look after meself. +Come on let's get this coffee. Before you go, I think it's only fair to warn you about me Grandson ... don't let our Paul have his own way all the time, 'cos if you do he won't respect you! +That's right; convict without trial ... Habeas corpus. Every morning. +That'll keep you busy. It's your nose, y'see. Fans are funny that way. Take a dislike to things. They'll pick on a nose... +Stay where you are everybody this is a raid and we want him. Who are these ruffians?... I've never seen them before in my life! ... +You see. You know your trouble -- you should have gone West to America. You'd have wound up a Senior Citizen of Boston. As it is you took the wrong turning and what happened, you're a lonely old man from Liverpool. But I'm clean. +Oh no, you're not. You've gone too far this time ... and who's paying for all this? It's all taken care of. It's down on our bill. +It's all taken care of. It's down on our bill. Oh, well that's all right. What? +And to think me own grandson would have let them put me behind bars! Don't dramatise. +All right, how about Ringo? I mean ... he's very upset, you know ... and as far as your girlfriend, little Audrey's concerned, she's finished with men for the rest of her natural, and another thing ... A harmless bit of fun, aah, none of you have any sense of humour left these days. +A harmless bit of fun, aah, none of you have any sense of humour left these days. Oh, it's all right for you but those two girls were scared to death! Honest, Grandad, why? I mean, why do you do these things? +Oh, it's all right for you but those two girls were scared to death! Honest, Grandad, why? I mean, why do you do these things? You're left-handed, aren't you, Paul? +You're left-handed, aren't you, Paul? Yeah ... so what? +Yeah ... so what? Why do you always use your left hand? +Why do you always use your left hand? Well, don't be daft, I've got to. +Well, don't be daft, I've got to. And I take a left-handed view of life, I've got to. +With a trombone hooter like yours it'd be unnatural if you didn't. Don't mock the afflicted, Pauly. +Don't mock the afflicted, Pauly. Oh for Pete's sake, It's only a joke. +Oh for Pete's sake, It's only a joke. Well, it may be a joke, but it's his nose. He can't help having a horrible great nose, it's the only one he's got. And his poor little head's trembling under the weight of it. +Anything to spare? We've just finished, Pauly. Hey George, write us your John Henry on this picture. +And another thing, where's that old mixer? Here, Pauly. +No, that's his other one. That's all right then. +That's all right then. Clean though, isn't he? +Clean though, isn't he? Oh yes, he's clean all right. +Is that yours? For Ringo. +Aye, he looks a right lurker. You're undressed. Where are your clothes? +Well, what are we waiting for? Aye, come on, honest, that grandfather of yours is worse than any of you lot. +What are you doing there? Hiding. +Hiding. I think you're soft or something. +Eh ... pardon me for asking but who's that little old man? What little old man? +What little old man? That little old man. +That little old man. Oh, that one. That's me Grandfather. +How d'you reckon that one out? Well ... everyone's entitled to two, aren't they, and this is me other one. +Well ... everyone's entitled to two, aren't they, and this is me other one. Well we know that but what's he doing here? +Well we know that but what's he doing here? Well, me mother thought the trip 'ud do him good. +Aye and fond of fresh meat and all. No ... it was his sweetbreads. She was dead kinky for sweetbreads. Anyroad, me mother thought it'ud give him a change of scenery, like. +No ... it was his sweetbreads. She was dead kinky for sweetbreads. Anyroad, me mother thought it'ud give him a change of scenery, like. Oh, I see. +Eh, he's a nice old man, isn't he? Oh yeah, he's very clean, y'know. +Aye, that's what I'm afraid of! He's got you worried, then? +He's got you worried, then? Him, he costs you a fortune in breach of promise cases. He's a villain and a right mixer as well. +Gie's a kiss! Shurrup! Look, Mister, we've paid for our seats too, you know. +Give 'em a pull. Shall I? +I hope he fell off. Don't be callous. +We've broken out, oh, the blessed freedom of it all! Eh, have you got a nail file, these handcuffs are killing me. I was framed. I was innocent. Will you stop it! Sorry to disturb you, miss... +Don't worry, son, we'll get you the best lawyer trading stamps can buy. Oh, it's a laugh a line with Lennon. Anyroad up ... It's all your fault. +Gaw, it's depressing in here, isn't it? Funny... 'cos they usually reckon dogs more than people in England, don't they? You'd expect something a little more palatial. Come on. Let's have a little action. Let's do something, then. Like what? +Like what? Well, I've got me gob stopper. Look, a genuine Stradivarius, hand tooled at Dagenham. +Let's go and muck in. Aye, before anyone stops us. +You won't interfere with the basic rugged concept of my personality, will you, girl? Eh, don't take out me lines. +Behave... Foreign devil ... +What's he know? Nothing, he's trying to brainwash me and give me personality doubts ... oh, he's a swine but a clever swine, mind. +She's going to show me her stamp collection. So's mine. +We've got only half an hour till the final run-through. He can't walk out on us. Can't he? He's done it, son! +Well, I got a few things to say to you, two-faced John McCartney. Aw, leave him alone Paul, he's back, isn't he? And it's not his fault he's old. +Aw, leave him alone Paul, he's back, isn't he? And it's not his fault he's old. What's old got to do with it? +What's old got to do with it? You needn't bother. +You needn't bother. Y'what? +Y'what? Practising to be thick-headed, you're there already. +Practising to be thick-headed, you're there already. Look he's a mixer and a trouble maker! +Look he's a mixer and a trouble maker! That's right, but he's only asking us to pay attention to him, aren't you? +Are you listening to me, Lennon? You're a swine, isn't he George? +If you're going to have a barney I'll hold your coats. He started it. +Eh, have you got Paul's grandfather? Of course, he's concealed about me person. +Of course, he's concealed about me person. No ... he's must have slipped off somewhere. +Don't move, any of you. They've gone potty out there. The whole place is surging with girls. Please, can I have one to surge with? +Please, can I have one to surge with? No. +No. Ah, go on, you swine. +Ah, go on, you swine. No, you can't. Look, as soon as I tell you, run through this door here and into the big car that's waiting. +Paul, John, George - get at it. Hello the income tax have caught up with us at last. +Oh, it's got round that you're a heavy punter. Well you're not going. +I'll brook no denial! It's all right for you, you couldn't get a pen in your foot, you swine. +It's all right for you, you couldn't get a pen in your foot, you swine. Come on, Shake, we'll leave 'em to their penmanship. +Now get on with it. We were going to do it. +We were going to do it. Aye, well, now! +Will you all stop it, you're like a gang of school kids. I knew this was going to happen one day. Well, you shouldn't have had bacon for your breakfast, you cannibal. +Let's have you. Come on speedy! +Don't cane me, sir, I was led astray. Oh shurrup and come on John. They're waiting for you in the studio. +Leave him alone, he's got swine fever. Sit down, the lot of you. +Leave him alone, Lennon, or I'll tell them all the truth about you. You wouldn't! +You wouldn't! I would though. +They're nearly ready for you. They're just finishing the band call. Gear! Come on, girls, let's have a bit of a dance. +John, I'm talking to you. This final run through is important. Understand? Important. Oink! Oink! +Hi Norm! Hi, our lot! +Control yourself or you'll spurt. He's bound to be somewhere. Aye, let's try the dressing room. +The office was on the phone, they think it'd be better if we pushed straight to Wolverhampton. Tonight? We can't make it ... +Tonight? We can't make it ... You've got a midnight matinee. +You've got a midnight matinee. Now, look here, Norm ... +Now, look here, Norm ... No, you look here, John. I've only one thing to say to you. +No, you look here, John. I've only one thing to say to you. What? +What? You're a swine. So hurry up ... we're travelling! +Hello. Hello. +Hello. Oh, wait a minute, don't tell me you're ... +Oh, wait a minute, don't tell me you're ... No, not me. +No, not me. Oh you are, I know you are. +Oh you are, I know you are. No, I'm not. +No, I'm not. You are. +You are. I'm not, no. +I'm not, no. Well, you look like him. +Well, you look like him. Oh do I? You're the first one who ever said that. +Oh do I? You're the first one who ever said that. Oh you do, look. +My eyes are lighter. Oh yes. +Oh yes. And my nose... +And my nose... Well, yes your nose is. Very. +Well, yes your nose is. Very. Is it? +Is it? I would have said so. +I would have said so. Aye, but you know him well. +Aye, but you know him well. No I don't, he's only a casual acquaintance. +No I don't, he's only a casual acquaintance. That's what you tell me. +That's what you tell me. What have you heard? +What have you heard? It's all over the place, everyone knows. +It's all over the place, everyone knows. Is it? Is it really? +Is it? Is it really? Mind you, I stood up for you, I mean I wouldn't have it. +Mind you, I stood up for you, I mean I wouldn't have it. I knew I could rely on you. +I knew I could rely on you. Thanks. +You're a window rattler, son. Well, that's just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul? +It'll only get you into trouble. Aah, shurrup, misery! +He's betrayed the class. Oh, leave off!!! +Oh, leave off!!! Temper! Temper! +Temper! Temper! Well ... +That's right. It's always me, isn't it? Since you ask, yes. Aah, come on, Ring, we love you. +Well! He'll get over it. +Well, look after him. I don't want to find you've lost him. Don't be cheeky, I'll bind him to me with promises. Come on, Grandad. +And? Your Grandfather pointed out Shake was always being taller than me just to spite me. +Your Grandfather pointed out Shake was always being taller than me just to spite me. I knew it, he started it, I should have known. +I knew it, he started it, I should have known. Y'what? +Y'what? You two have never had a quarrel in your life and in two minutes flat he's got you at it. He's a king mixer. Adam and Eve, meet the serpent. Anthony and Cleopatra, there's your asp. Divide and Conquer, that's this one's motto. He hates group unity so he gets everyone at it. +Have you lost him? Don't exaggerate. +Don't exaggerate. You've lost him. +Eh, where's my grandfather? Don't worry about him. He can look after himself. +Don't worry about him. He can look after himself. Aye, I suppose so. +I've got the stuff. Come here. Aren't we ... +Aren't we ... No, we're not! +Where's my grandfather? Don't start. Look. +He belongs to Paul. Ah well, there you go. Look, I'm going down the diner for a cup of coffee, are you coming? +None for me, then? Sorry. +That's mine. Have done, and you lot get your pens out. +Well ... When I tell you to stay put, stay put. +Oh dear, I feel like doing a bit of work. Good lad, Ringo. +Stop picking on him. I don't need you to defend me, y'know, Norm. +What do you think are you're up to? Someone put it on me. +Look after him. But... +But... Do I have to raise me voice? +Do I have to raise me voice? Oh, all right. Come here, Grandad. +Yeah, you want to watch it. It's not my fault. +It's not my fault. Well, you stick to that story, son. +Well, you stick to that story, son. I can't help it, I'm just taller than you. +I'm sorry Norm, but I can't help being taller than you. Well, you don't have to rub me nose in it. I've a good mind to ... +He's been gone a long time. Who? +Who? Paul's grandfather. +Paul's grandfather. Oh, I didn't notice, where'd he go? +Oh, I didn't notice, where'd he go? Down the ... er ... +Down the ... er ... Oh, down the ... er ...? +Oh, down the ... er ...? Yeah, down the ... er ... +Yeah, down the ... er ... Well, give a couple of minutes ... +Oh they've probably gone to the canteen, cup of tea, like. That's too easy for Lennon. +He's out there somewhere, causing trouble just to upset me. You're imagining it. You're letting things prey on your mind. +You're imagining it. You're letting things prey on your mind. Oh no... this is a battle of nerves between John and me. +Oh no... this is a battle of nerves between John and me. But John hasn't got any. +But John hasn't got any. What? +What? Nerves. +Nerves. I know, that's the trouble. +I'm adjusting the decibels on the inbalance. Clever. George. +... as they head up for the show. Oh yes, well I mean it'ud be a pity to miss the show, wouldn't it like. Shurrup, cheerful. +How's that? Oh ... he's nursing a broken heart. +Course he can talk. He's a human being, like. Isn't he? Well ... if he's your Grandfather, who knows? +"""The Management of Boyd's takes pleasure in requesting the company of Mr. Richard Starkey, that's you, in their recently refinished gaming rooms. Chemin de Fer. Baccarat, Roulette, and Champagne Buffet."" Blimey!" And they want me? +Oh, he's gone to my club, has he? Yeah, It's all your fault, getting invites to gambling clubs. He's probably in the middle of an orgy by now. +What's the matter with you? You were bashing away like a madman. You were twanging too loud. +Eh. I thought you were looking after the old man. Get knotted! +Put it this way, he's mislaid him. You can't trust you with anything, Norm, if you've lost him, I'll cripple you. +You can't trust you with anything, Norm, if you've lost him, I'll cripple you. He can't be far. +Eh, what's all this? Oh, him... He's been lurking. +Shove the gentleman jockey in the make-up room or something and keep your eye on him, will you? I'm an electrician, not a wet nurse, y'know. +I'm an electrician, not a wet nurse, y'know. I'll set John on you! +I'll set John on you! Oh, anything you say, Paul. +What is he? I've got a little list here. Wandering abroad. Malicious intent. Acting in a suspicious manner. Conduct liable to cause a breach of the peace. You name it, he's done it. +I've got a little list here. Wandering abroad. Malicious intent. Acting in a suspicious manner. Conduct liable to cause a breach of the peace. You name it, he's done it. Oh, a little savage, is he? +Oh, a little savage, is he? A proper Aborigine. +So you just brought the old chap out of the crowd for his own good. Yeah, but he insisted on us bringing him to the station. +Yeah, but he insisted on us bringing him to the station. Well, he can't stop here. +Oh... God... am I cold... Is that you, Roby? +Is that you, Roby? I feel like shit... +I feel like shit... Yeah, it's you all right. +I'm going to buy a cattle ranch. Cattle ranch! +Cattle ranch! I'm not kidding. You can get one if you have the credit. Look just like real cows, too. +If there is some kind of alien intelligence down on that planetoid, it'd be a serious mistake for us to blunder in unequipped. Hell, we're equipped -- +Hell, we're equipped -- Hell, no! We don't know what's down there on that piece of rock! It might be dangerous! What we should do is get on the radio to the exploration authorities... and let them deal with it. +Locked. Kill drive engines. +Engines off. Nine hundred meters and dropping. 800. 700. Hang on gentlemen. +Good! Maybe we'll be able to see something then. Or something will be able to see us. +There could be a whole city out there and we'd never see it. Not sitting on our butts in here, that's for sure. +Are you in pain? Not exactly, just feel like somebody's been beating me with rubber hoses for about six years. +Dell, what's the last thing you can remember? ... I don't know... +... I don't know... Do you remember the pyramid? +Do you remember the pyramid? No. Just some horrible dreams about smothering. Where are we? +Where's Irth? Sandy, scan the whole sky. +I don't recognize that constellation. Dell, plot our location. +I got it. Oh boy. Where the hell are we? +Where the hell are we? Just short of Zeta II Reticuli. We haven't even reached the outer rim yet. +Can you get it a little closer? That's what I'm going to do. +Any rotation? Yeah. Two hours. +Yeah. Two hours. Gravity? +Gravity? Point eight six. We can walk on it. +Except it will take 75 years to get a reply back. Don't forget how far we are from the Colonies, Martin. There are no commercial lanes out here. Face it, we're out of range. +Dell, I want greater magnification. More surface detail. I want to see what this place looks like. I'll see what I can do. +Activate lifter quads. Activated. Vertical drop checked. Correcting course. On tangential course now, orbiting. Crossing the terminator. Entering night side. +Approaching point of origin. Closing at 20 kilometers, 15 and slowing. Ten. Five. Gentlemen, we are directly above the source of the transmission. What's the terrain down there? +What's the terrain down there? Well, line of sight is impossible due to dust. Radar gives me noise. Sonar gives me noise. Infrared -- noise. Let's try ultraviolet. There. Flat. It's totally flat. A plain. +Well, line of sight is impossible due to dust. Radar gives me noise. Sonar gives me noise. Infrared -- noise. Let's try ultraviolet. There. Flat. It's totally flat. A plain. Is it solid? +Is it solid? It's... basalt. Rock. +It's... basalt. Rock. Then take her down. +Then take her down. Drop begins... now! Fifteen kilometers and dropping... twelve... ten... eight and slowing. Five. Three. Two. One kilometer and slowing. Lock tractor beams. +Close enough to walk to! Martin, would you run me an atmospheric? +I'm sending. Do you hear me? Receiving. +Appears to be a door hanging open, the entrance is clogged with debris. Looks like a derelict. +Looks like a derelict. Martin, we're going in. I'm going to hold the conversation to a minimum from here on. +I'll go first. No, you'll follow me. +Just machinery. But functioning. +This is Chaz. Chaz, this is Dell. Can you come topside for a minute? +Chaz, this is Dell. Can you come topside for a minute? What's up? +What's up? Well, the sun just came up again, and it seems the wind's died down. It's as clear as a bell outside. There's something I think you ought to see. +Well, the sun just came up again, and it seems the wind's died down. It's as clear as a bell outside. There's something I think you ought to see. I'm on my way. +What is it? Take a look. +I was scanning the horizon to see what I could pick up. Look there, on that screen. What is it, I can't -- +Maybe we can get in by the top. You want to try? +You want to try? Sure. +Can we come up? No, it's too small, only room enough for one person. +No, it's too small, only room enough for one person. Can you see anything in the hole? +Dell, you want to come down, we can figure out where to go from here. No, I want to go in. +Okay, I'm in the mouth of the chimney now, and I'm starting down. Take care. +Are you okay in there? Yeah, I'm okay. Haven't hit bottom yet. Definitely a column of warm air rising; it keeps the shaft clear of dust. +Yeah, I'm okay. Haven't hit bottom yet. Definitely a column of warm air rising; it keeps the shaft clear of dust. What was that Dell, I lost you, do you read me? +What was that Dell, I lost you, do you read me? Yeah, but this is hard work. Can't talk now. +How do you feel, Dell? Wretched. What happened to me? +Wretched. What happened to me? Don't you remember? +Don't you remember? Don't remember nothing. Can't hardly remember my name. +Hell, you're in great shape, you've got your sense of humor back! God I'm hungry. +I'm really starving; can we get some food before we go into the freezers? I think that's a pretty reasonable request. +What's wrong? I don't know... I'm getting these CRAMPS! +Breathe deeply. OH GOD IT HURTS SO BAD! +Computer, this is Captain Standard. What conditions are you talking about? I have intercepted a transmission of unknown origin. +I have intercepted a transmission of unknown origin. A transmission? +A transmission? A voice transmission. +I have recorded the transmission. Play it for us, please. +Computer, what language was that? Unknown. +Just hold it, hold it! Computer: have you attempted to analyze the transmission? Yes. There are two points of salient interest. Number one: it is highly systematized, indicating intelligent origin. Number two: certain sounds are inconsistent with the human palate. +I have interrupted the course of the voyage. What? Why? +What? Why? I am programmed to do so if certain conditions arise. +Unknown! What do you mean? It is none of the 678 dialects spoken by technological man. +Yes! I have a temporary sequence on the monitor -- +I have a temporary sequence on the monitor -- Hold it, I can't hear a damn thing! +Computer! I've turned all the cooling units back on! What's wrong? The reaction has proceeded too far. The core has begun to melt. Engines will overload in 2 minutes, 35 seconds. +Just a minute, hold it, I'm checking. Has the hull been breached? +How long to fix? Hard to say. +Hard to say. Well, get started. +Well, get started. Right. Talk to you. +Hello, Faust! Yeah! +Yeah! How's it coming on the engines? +He died. What? +What? Not they... he... +Sorry to interrupt, but I'm gonna charge up the engines for a minute, okay? Yeah, okay. Go ahead. +Yes? What is it? Jay, we've got a problem. I was wondering if there was any way you could shortcut the repairs and give us immediate takeoff capability. +Jay, we've got a problem. I was wondering if there was any way you could shortcut the repairs and give us immediate takeoff capability. Why, what's wrong? +Why, what's wrong? The computer's translated the alien signal, and it's kind of alarming. +The computer's translated the alien signal, and it's kind of alarming. What do you mean? +What do you mean? "It couldn't translate the whole thing, only three phrases. I'll just read it to you the way I got it: ""... HOSTILE... SURVIVAL... ADVISE DO NOT LAND... "" And that's all it could translate." +You like this shit? It grows on you. +It grows on you. You know what they make this stuff out of? +You know what they make this stuff out of? Yes, I know what they make it out of, so what? It's food now. You're eating it. +Yes, I know what they make it out of, so what? It's food now. You're eating it. I didn't say it was bad for you, it's just kind of sickening, that's all. +But we can't kill it. If we kill it, it will spill all its body acids right through our hull and out into space. Shit... +We could cut a section out of that metallite netting. It won't hold up to that acid, but aside from that it's pretty strong. We have to avoid injuring it. What we really need is some electric animal prods. +Where's it coming from? Machine's screwed up, I can't tell. Needle's spinning all over the dial. +Okay. That way. +What happened to the lights? Bulbs burned out, nobody bothered to replace 'em. +Where does that go? All over the ship; we'll have to check the charts to know for sure. +What happened? Where's Sandy? Dead. +Dead. Dead! +Dead! It's monstrous -- it grew, like some horrible tapeworm. We were completely unprepared. +It's monstrous -- it grew, like some horrible tapeworm. We were completely unprepared. It's still in the ship? +What the hell's going on? Don't know -- Broussard got hurt somehow. +Don't know -- Broussard got hurt somehow. Hurt! How? +Hurt! How? Don't know -- maybe we'll be real lucky and he just broke his neck. I knew we shouldn't of come down here. +Oh -- God -- oh -- Is it alive? +Boy do I feel a lot better. It's a straight shot back to the Colonies, and then we can start taking bids on the paydirt. Any bets on the top bid? Well, we should at least be able to each buy our own planet. +Oh, no. Oh, no. What was that? What the Christ was that? +And then we run out of food and oxygen. The water will still recycle. +That one section of the ventilator shaft has only two outlets -- you notice? The food storage room on one end -- -- And the cooling unit on the other. +Well, uh... good luck. I hope you won't need me, but if you do, I'm here. Right. +Martin, this is Jay. The intakes are clogged with dust. We overheated and burned out a whole cell. Damn it! How long to fix? +Jay... how's it coming on the repairs? Well... I'm going to have to blow the engines out... +Well... I'm going to have to blow the engines out... And when will you be ready to do that? +And when will you be ready to do that? Oh -- I'm not near ready yet. +Oh -- I'm not near ready yet. Then why the hell are you sitting around here? +Then why the hell are you sitting around here? Right. +It's really on there tight. Here, let me try. +Hey, guess what? What? +What? The engines are fixed. +This dust is getting clogged in the intakes again! Just hold us together till we're in space, that's all! +Oh it's okay. I've had better cag than this, but I've had worse too, if you know what I mean. I kind of like it. +So does anybody have any suggestions? We could put on our pressure suits and blow all the air out of the ship. That would kill it. +We could put on our pressure suits and blow all the air out of the ship. That would kill it. No, we can't afford to lose that much oxygen. We're going to have to flush it out. +Might even incinerate the damn thing. I hope not. +It's clear. All right -- Roby and Melkonis will go with Faust. Hunter and I will make up the second team. +It looks completely different from the first one -- it's more like a worm with legs... and tentacles. Well we better do something. +So it's trapped in between -- now we have to drive it out. Poison gas... +Hey, are you guys still there? What's going on? Meet us on the bridge. Be careful -- it's huge now. +Meet us on the bridge. Be careful -- it's huge now. Right. +There's some more combustible fuel down in the storage lockers next to the lounge. I'll go get it. No, I don't want us separated. +No, I don't want us separated. You just sealed it off; it can't get to that section. +All right... but do not go below decks. Right. +Right. And be right back. +He wouldn't open the lock; he was going to leave us out there. Yeah... well, maybe he should have. I mean, you brought the goddamn thing in here. Maybe you deserve to get slapped. +Where did it come from? He's the only one that knows that. +He's the only one that knows that. How does he breathe? +Blood's thoroughly oxygenated. Yeah, but how? His nose and mouth are blocked. +We can't expect to understand a life form like this. We're out of our back yard. Things are different here. Well, can't we kill it? I mean, we can't leave the damn thing on him. +Well, can't we kill it? I mean, we can't leave the damn thing on him. We don't know what might happen if we tried to kill it. At least right now it's keeping him alive. +We don't know what might happen if we tried to kill it. At least right now it's keeping him alive. How about cutting it off? We can't pull it loose, but we can cut off everything but the bottom layer, where it's stuck to his face. +God, that smoke's poisonous! It's eating a hole in the floor! +I never saw anything like that in my life... except molecular acid. But this thing uses it for blood. +But this thing uses it for blood. Hell of a defense mechanism. You don't dare kill it. +It makes me sick to see him like that. Isn't there some way we can get it off him? +It's a crude symbolic language -- looks primitive. You can't tell -- that kind of stuff could represent printed circuits... +We can't go into hypersleep with that thing running around loose. We'd be sitting ducks in the freezers. +It's over, Hunter. Boy, that's terrific. +Boy, that's terrific. Well, how does it feel to be rich men? +That thing, God almighty, didn't you try to get it off him? It wouldn't come. +Hey now, what is this? Ask him. +There. Should be coming through about there. Careful, don't get under it! +I'll do it. The rest of you continue. I'll come with you. +You know, it's fantastic -- the human race has gone this long without ever encountering another advanced life form, and now we run into a veritable zoo. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Well, those things out there aren't the same, you know -- the spaceship and the pyramid. They're from different cultures and different races. That ship just landed here -- crashed like we did. The pyramid and the thing from it are indigenous. +Well, those things out there aren't the same, you know -- the spaceship and the pyramid. They're from different cultures and different races. That ship just landed here -- crashed like we did. The pyramid and the thing from it are indigenous. How could anything be indigenous to this asteroid? It's dead. +How could anything be indigenous to this asteroid? It's dead. Maybe it wasn't always dead. +Now we're in for it. The door was closed. It must still be in here. +No, don't open the door. We don't want it escaping. Well, what the hell good can we do in here? We can't grab it -- it might jump on us -- +Well, what the hell good can we do in here? We can't grab it -- it might jump on us -- Maybe we can catch it. +Yes? How's Broussard? +How's Broussard? He's running a fever. +He's running a fever. Still unconscious? +Still unconscious? Yes. +Yes. Can you do anything for him? +Can you do anything for him? The machine will bring his temperature down. His vital functions are strong. +The machine will bring his temperature down. His vital functions are strong. Good. +I think I could cobble something together. A long metal rod with a battery in it. Give it a hell of a shock. Good. Get on it. But first, I'm issuing a standing order: from this moment forth, every one of us will wear protective garments, including helmets. Let's get down to the locker and change. +Don't worry, it won't damage it, it'll just give it a little incentive. How do we locate the creature? +Maybe we don't have to. It's trapped in there. We could just leave it in there all the way back to Irth. Don't be an idiot. +We can't pump poison gas down into the cooling unit! It'll flood the whole ship! The only other thing I can think of is for somebody to crawl in there and flush it out. +While the rest of us wait down in the cooling unit with the net. Sounds like a rough one. +Sounds like a rough one. Got a better idea? +We'd better seal off the lower maintenance level; at least trap it there. At least it can't get up here now. +Listen, it sure didn't like this flamethrower. That's right -- we can't kill it on the ship, but we can at least keep it at bay -- and maybe drive it into the air lock. +That's right -- we can't kill it on the ship, but we can at least keep it at bay -- and maybe drive it into the air lock. Thing is, I'm about out of fuel. +We've got six hours left. Oh my God. +Oh my God. Does anybody know what happened? +Oh no! We can't fight this thing! There's only six hours of air left -- we're dead men! I don't buy that. There's still time to destroy it and get ourselves in the freezers. +I don't buy that. There's still time to destroy it and get ourselves in the freezers. How? +How? It's time for drastic remedies. +If we could just get the creature into the lifeboat, we could launch it into space and blow it up. Good! That's good! +Good! That's good! We can load the lifeboat up with explosives and trigger them remotely, once the lifeboat is in space. +You can't say that; I think it's a good plan. The flamethrower needs more fuel. +The flamethrower needs more fuel. Right. We've got a lot to accomplish. Let's get moving. +The ship's gravitational attraction must have drawn him back. Should we go outside and bring him in? +Should we go outside and bring him in? No... the risk is too great. Perhaps after we've destroyed the thing. +It will be. What we really need is some red meat in here for bait. +Well... now we have to herd that thing up here. Whoever's doing the herding is gonna have their hands pretty full. I think somebody should stay by the lifeboat to slam the door on the thing once it's inside, and to serve as... as... +It must have stopped moving. I'm not getting anything. Let me go first; you stay behind me. +The flamethrower! I can't, the acid will pour out! +Now what's wrong? I've completely lost their signal. +I've completely lost their signal. Can you get them back? +Can you get them back? I'm trying. +What? What was that? The computer just translated the goddamn message. It's not an S.O.S. It was a warning. +I'm getting nowhere. The whole area around the pyramid is dead to transmission. I think we should go after them. No. +No. What do you mean, no? +What do you mean, no? We're not going anywhere. +We're not going anywhere. But they don't know about the translation! They could be in danger right now. +But they don't know about the translation! They could be in danger right now. We can't spare the personnel. We've got minimum takeoff capability right now. That's why Chaz left us on board. +We can't spare the personnel. We've got minimum takeoff capability right now. That's why Chaz left us on board. Why, you chickenshit bastard -- +Why, you chickenshit bastard -- Just can that crap! I'm in command here till Chaz returns! And nobody's leaving this ship! +I've got 'em! They're back on my screens! How many? +How many? Three blips! They're coming this way! +Oh no. Jay, this is Cleave! Meet me at the main air lock! +I keep my mouth pretty much shut, but I don't like hitting. I guess I had it coming. Let's call it settled. +Look at that. What is it -- I can't tell anything -- +What is it -- I can't tell anything -- It's some kind of organ -- it's inserted some kind of tube or something down his throat. +It's some kind of organ -- it's inserted some kind of tube or something down his throat. Oh... God... +I think that's how it's getting oxygen to him. It doesn't make any sense. It paralyzes him... puts him into a coma... then keeps him alive. +What's happening up here? I think it's fizzled out. +This is horrible. Hey! what about the film? +That must have been when he got it. The same thing must've happened to the creatures on the other ship... except they took one of those jars on board, and opened it there. +What common objects? Listen, hadn't somebody better check on Broussard? +You mean his body was still kicking when it ran off with him? It was horrible -- horrible. Like a chicken. +Don't count on it. We sure need this flamethrower. +Recognizable! In that? In symbolic form... very stylized... but if you stare at it, you can see some of the different creatures we've been dealing with. +In symbolic form... very stylized... but if you stare at it, you can see some of the different creatures we've been dealing with. Well... I suppose that star-shaped thing could be the parasite that got on Broussard. Is that what you mean? +Well... I suppose that star-shaped thing could be the parasite that got on Broussard. Is that what you mean? And right next to it, that oval design with the markings -- it's a dead ringer for the spore casings. +... And Broussard got caught in their reproductive cycle. You will notice, though, that there are no more phases. Only four forms are shown. After that the pattern repeats. +We can't kill it on board. It's huge now and must have tremendous amounts of that acid in its body. I've got an idea, but you're not going to like it. +Blow the ship up? And the creature with it. We can make it back to Irth in the lifeboat. +What about all the minerals and elements in the cargo hold? That's the only reason we came out here. We'd have to abandon them all. We'd be broke. Our lives are more important. Anyway, we can take a small amount of the most valuable stuff with us on the lifeboat. +I think it's going to be almost impossible to drive it up into the lifeboat. We can use the flamethrower. +We can use the flamethrower. It's not going to work. +This should do it. I should hope so! And we'd better make sure it's pretty far from the ship when we blow it. +"Isn't ""bait"" the word you used?" Hey look, somebody has to have his hands free to lock the creature in the lifeboat! +Just keep your finger off the button till she's way away from the ship, that's all. Is it armed? +Is it armed? If you press the button right now, it will blow the whole nose of the ship off. +If you press the button right now, it will blow the whole nose of the ship off. Thanks for the thought. +Sandy, you want to give us some vision? Feast your eyes. +First contact... Sandy, can you home in on that beam? +Sandy, can you home in on that beam? What's the frequency? +What's the frequency? Computer, what's the frequency of the transmission? +I've got it. It's coming from ascension 6 minutes 32 seconds, declination -39 degrees 2 seconds. Dell -- show me that on a screen. +Well, we can't go anywhere in this darkness. How long till dawn? Well... this rock rotates every two hours. The sun should be coming up in about 20 minutes. +Just settle down. Sandy, you get any response yet? Sorry. Nothing but that same damn transmission, every 32 seconds. I've tried every frequency on the spectrum. +Receiving. All right. Now just remember: keep away from those weapons unless I say otherwise. Martin, do you read me? +That way. You lead. +What's wrong? My signal's fading. +It's close, real close. How far? +How far? We should be almost on top of it. I just can't quite... +Air lock? Who knows? +Doesn't seem much doubt about it, does there? That creature sure must have considered it important... using his last strength to draw it... +This looks ancient. Can't tell -- these weather conditions could erode anything, fast. +What'd he say? I couldn't make it out -- too much interference. +If we don't hear from him soon, I think we better go in after him. Sun will be down in a minute. +Here's his line. We can haul him out of there if we have to. It'll yank him right off his feet if he's not expecting it. The line could get tangled in something. +It'll yank him right off his feet if he's not expecting it. The line could get tangled in something. But what can we do? He's out of radio contact. +But what can we do? He's out of radio contact. Maybe we should just wait a few more minutes. +There, it caught! Is it still coming up, or is it hooked on something? +Is it still coming up, or is it hooked on something? No, it's coming. +No, it's coming. Can you see anything? +What is it? Don't touch him, watch it! +Oh God, oh God no. Help me -- I'm going to try to get it off. +It won't come -- it's stuck. What is it? +What is it? How the hell should I know? Come on, give me a hand, let's get him out of there! +It's not coming off -- not without his whole face coming off too. Let's let the machine work on him. +It's stopped? Yes, thank heaven. +Yes, thank heaven. We're just plain lucky. That could have gone right through the hull -- taken weeks to patch it. +We're just plain lucky. That could have gone right through the hull -- taken weeks to patch it. Reminded me of when I was a kid and the roof leaked -- everybody running for the pots and pans. +No, thank God... just missed him. Is it still dripping? +Is it still dripping? It appears to have healed itself. +That sounds a little fanciful... Primitive pictorial languages are based on common objects in the environment, and this can be used as a starting point for translation... +Too primitive. It's a pre- technological construction. That slab was engineered by an Iron-Age culture at best. They're from a dead civilization; they're spores from a tomb. God knows how long they've been here. +We're going home. We're in hyperspace. We're going into the freezers now. +"I'm going to write a book about this expedition. I'm going to call it ""The Snark Log.""" The commander normally has first publication rights. +The commander normally has first publication rights. Maybe we could write it together. +We'll have to catch it and eject it from the ship. Well, I kind of hate to point it out, but all our supplies are based on us spending a strictly limited amount of time out of suspended animation... and as you know, we used up most of that time in harvesting. +Well, I kind of hate to point it out, but all our supplies are based on us spending a strictly limited amount of time out of suspended animation... and as you know, we used up most of that time in harvesting. We've got about a week left, right? +How? Room by room, corridor by corridor. +And what do we do when we find it? We'll have to trap it somehow. If we had a really strong piece of net, we could bag it. +I thought I'd find you here. "I was thinking of a line from an old poem: ""Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink."" All that space out there, and we're trapped in this ship." +"I was thinking of a line from an old poem: ""Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink."" All that space out there, and we're trapped in this ship." That's the one about the albatross, right? +That's the one about the albatross, right? We can't even radio for help; the carrier wave wouldn't reach its destination till long after we'd died and turned to dust. We are utterly, absolutely alone. Can anybody really visualize such a scale of distances? Halfway across Creation... +We can't even radio for help; the carrier wave wouldn't reach its destination till long after we'd died and turned to dust. We are utterly, absolutely alone. Can anybody really visualize such a scale of distances? Halfway across Creation... We came out there, we'll go back. A long time by the clock, but a short time to us. +We came out there, we'll go back. A long time by the clock, but a short time to us. Time and space have no meaning out here. We're living in Einsteinian equation. +Time and space have no meaning out here. We're living in Einsteinian equation. I can see you're putting your spare time to good use. Let me tell you something: you keep staring at hyperspace for long enough, they'll be peeling you off a wall. I've seen it happen. +I can see you're putting your spare time to good use. Let me tell you something: you keep staring at hyperspace for long enough, they'll be peeling you off a wall. I've seen it happen. We're the new pioneers, Chaz. We even have our own special diseases. +We're the new pioneers, Chaz. We even have our own special diseases. Come on -- let's go above and see how they're coming with the gear. +I've got Hunter... and something else as well, in front of him. Are they close? +Are they close? They're on the next level up. +They're on the next level up. Let's get moving with this net. +They're getting pretty close now. All right, then -- when it gets to the other side of the door, you sing out, then drop the door. Okay? +All right, then -- when it gets to the other side of the door, you sing out, then drop the door. Okay? Okay. +Okay. And you and I will bag it, and then we'll take it to the ventral air lock, got it? +Men have waited centuries to contact another form of intelligent life in the universe. This is an opportunity which may never come again. Look -- +My God, it's stormy for a piece of rock that size! Just a second. Those aren't water vapor clouds; they have no moisture content. +Source of transmission is to the northeast... about 300 meters. Close... +It appears to be a heavy fluid of some sort... it blocks the X-rays... That tube must be depositing it in him. +That tube must be depositing it in him. Could be some kind of venom, or poison... +These day and night cycles are totally disorienting. I feel like we've been here for days, but it's only been how long? About four hours. +We do know that. Yeah? +Yeah? They never made it off the planet. The parasites won. +No. It's just too small to support fauna as big as the parasites. If there were a native ecology, it would have to be microscopic. Couldn't the pyramid have been built here by space travellers? +First thing I'm going to do when we get back is eat some biological food. What's the matter, you don't like this stuff? +What's the matter, you don't like this stuff? Tastes like something you'd feed a chicken to make it lay more eggs. +All right, tycoons, let's stop spending our credit and start worrying about the job at hand. Right. Fire up all systems. +Where are we? Sandy, contact traffic control. +This is Chaz speaking. Sorry, but we are not home. Our present location seems to be only halfway to Irth. Remain at your posts and stand by. That is all. Chaz, I've got something here on my security alert. A high priority from the computer... +Chaz, I've got something here on my security alert. A high priority from the computer... Let's hear it. +Let's hear it. Computer, you have signalled a priority three message. What is the message? +Oh my God. Well, it's finally happened. +It's out of focus. No -- that's atmosphere. Cloud layer. +Atmospheric turbulence. Dust storm. Turn on navigation lights. +What the hell happened? Engine room, what happened? +Yeah, okay. Sandy... how far are we from the source of the transmission? +10% argon, 85% nitrogen, 5% neon... and some trace elements. Nontoxic... but unbreathable. Pressure? +Nontoxic... but unbreathable. Pressure? Ten to the fourth dynes per square centimeter. +Ten to the fourth dynes per square centimeter. Good! Moisture content? +Good! Moisture content? Zero. Dry as a bone. +Zero. Dry as a bone. Any microorganisms? +Any microorganisms? Not a one. It's dead. +Not a one. It's dead. Anything else? +Anything else? Yeah, rock particles. Dust. +Yeah, rock particles. Dust. Well, we won't need pressure suits, but breathing masks are called for. Sandy -- can you rig up some kind of portable unit that we can use to follow that transmission to its source? +Okay, Chaz, I hear you. I've got you on my board. Good. I'm getting you clear too. Let's just keep the line open. +Martin, uh, we've found it. Found what? +Found what? It appears to be some sort of spacecraft. We're going to approach it. +Martin? I agree. This is the single most important discovery in history. +I agree. This is the single most important discovery in history. But? +But? What killed it? +Find anything we missed? I don't even know what I'm looking for. +I don't even know what I'm looking for. Still worried? +Still worried? Oh well... you know me. +Oh well... you know me. I've always respected your opinion, Martin. If something worries you, it worries me. +What would you say that was supposed to mean? Well... it's obviously intentional... some kind of attempt at communication... maybe it's a symbol that means something to them... +Well... it's obviously intentional... some kind of attempt at communication... maybe it's a symbol that means something to them... But why draw it on the wall? +This ship is full of cat hair. Tell you what, Martin. As soon as the engine's fixed -- +Hey, can you guys hear me? Yeah, we hear you! We're coming back! +Yeah, we hear you! We're coming back! Thank Christ! We lost you! Listen, there's been a new development -- +Thank Christ! We lost you! Listen, there's been a new development -- Can't talk now; Broussard's injured. We'll need some help getting him into the ship. +Here, Chaz. We're coming up now, open the outer lock door. +We're coming up now, open the outer lock door. Chaz -- what happened to Broussard? +Chaz -- what happened to Broussard? It's some kind of organism, it's attached itself to him. Let us in. +You hear me, Martin? Open the outer door. Chaz, if it's an organism, and we let it in, the ship will be infected. +Chaz, if it's an organism, and we let it in, the ship will be infected. We can't leave him out here, open the door. +We can't leave him out here, open the door. Chaz, listen to me -- we've broken every rule of quarantine. If we bring an organism on board, we won't have a single layer of defense left. +Chaz, listen to me -- we've broken every rule of quarantine. If we bring an organism on board, we won't have a single layer of defense left. Martin, this is an order! Open the door! +I understand why you did that. Good. +Would somebody fill me in? He went into the pyramid alone. We lost radio contact with him. When we pulled him out, it was on his face. It won't come off, not without injuring him. +What film? Broussard had film in his datastick, didn't he? We can see what happened to him. +Look at these suckers -- no wonder we couldn't get it off him. Is that its mouth? +I'm sorry to say it looks like you were right in the first place, Martin. We never should have landed here. Look, I'm not trying to rub anybody's nose in anything. The important thing is just to get away from here as fast as possible. +Look, I'm not trying to rub anybody's nose in anything. The important thing is just to get away from here as fast as possible. I can't lean on Faust any harder -- he's been working non-stop on the engines. +I can't lean on Faust any harder -- he's been working non-stop on the engines. If we knew exactly what happened to the beings on the other ship -- +Where did the parasites come from? They seem native to the planet. It's got an atmosphere and a dense gravity. It's dead now, but once it must have been fertile. +Take us up. Up one kilometer, Jay. +Engaged. Let's take her into an escape orbit. +We made it! Damn, we made it! You bet we made it. Martin, set course for Irth and accelerate us into stardrive. +You bet we made it. Martin, set course for Irth and accelerate us into stardrive. With great pleasure. +That's the part that always makes me feel like I'm gonna puke -- when we accelerate into light speed. Quit complaining; we're in space. +I think the best thing to do with Broussard is to just freeze him as he is. It'll arrest the progress of his disease, and he can get complete medical attention when we get back to the Colonies. We'll have to go into quarantine, maybe for quite a while. +We'll have to go into quarantine, maybe for quite a while. That's okay, he can remain in hypersleep until they're ready to treat him. +We won't need it then. All right, so that's what we've got. A week. It's plenty of time. +All right, so that's what we've got. A week. It's plenty of time. But if we haven't caught it in a week, then we have to go into the freezers anyway. +These will be very useful. At least we won't have to go digging around in closets with our bare hands. All right, here's the battle plan: we're going to break into two teams and start systematically covering the ship. Whoever finds it first, catches it in the net and ejects it from the nearest airlock. Clear? Even simple. +Yes! We've got it up here! It's trapped! Get up here fast! +We've got it up here! It's trapped! Get up here fast! Where are you? +Where are you? Food-storage room! +Food-storage room! We're coming! +What's it doing, having a seizure? It started crashing around right after we locked it in. +It started crashing around right after we locked it in. Now what? +Now what? I guess we open the door and net it. +Hey, wait a minute! That's all our food supplies in there! We can't pump poison gas all over them! Once we kill the thing we won't need the food any more -- we can go straight into hypersleep. Also, it sounds like that thing is already doing a pretty good job on our supplies; it may be fouling them all. +Once we kill the thing we won't need the food any more -- we can go straight into hypersleep. Also, it sounds like that thing is already doing a pretty good job on our supplies; it may be fouling them all. You win. +This stuff's deadly -- I hope we know what we're doing. Go ahead, Jay. +Now what? What do you think? Now we go in. +Are you crazy? The man would need protection, obviously -- as well as some way to drive the thing before him. +So the only question left is: who gets to crawl down the airshaft? Let's be democratic. +That's a flip-flop gate to channel the air, but we can use it to trap the thing. Right now let's keep it closed. +How did it get so big? By eating our food supplies. +Two down, four to go. What's that supposed to mean? +What's that supposed to mean? Nothing. +Can you make out any pattern in all that? Well... yes... there's a pattern... but it's meaningless to me. +Well... yes... there's a pattern... but it's meaningless to me. I know it looks like a senseless jumble, but if you look closely, there are recognizable forms. +That next thing there -- six legs, tentacles -- that's the thing we saw in the food locker. So the next step should be -- +This is all the same creature. We're seeing the different stages in its life-cycle. Then that tomb... must have been some kind of fertility temple... where they stored their eggs, and maybe held mating rituals... +Which presumably means... ... More spores coming. +I saw it. Faust got himself jammed in the air lock door. His body held it open. Can we get to him? +Can we get to him? No, I had to seal off a whole section. We'd lose too much of our remaining air if we opened the connecting door. +Poor kitty; puss puss puss. At least we're rid of the damn monster. It must have been the first thing sucked out of the ship. +At least we're rid of the damn monster. It must have been the first thing sucked out of the ship. No such luck. I saw it running down one of the corridors. +It was time for that a couple days ago. That kind of remark is pointless. Now come on -- I want to hear every suggestion you can come up with, no matter how wild. +Let's hear it. Okay. First we shut down all the cooling systems on the stardrive engines. +Okay. First we shut down all the cooling systems on the stardrive engines. That'll blow the ship up. +That'll blow the ship up. Right... but it'll take a few minutes for the engines to overheat and melt down the core. In the meantime, we get in the lifeboat and leave the ship. +But the lifeboat can't accelerate to light speed. Doesn't matter -- we're already at light speed. And when we get back to the Colonies, they'll pick us up in the network. +No, it won't work and I just realized why. There's only one hypersleep freezer on the lifeboat. Only one of us could survive. Yeah... I forgot. +Yeah... I forgot. But the idea's good, if we could just turn it around somehow. +You know, it's funny -- this stuff we went to so much trouble to dig up -- this treasure, the paydirt -- it'll make it back to Irth just fine -- even if we're not with it. Here, carry these. +Hey watch it! It's stable; it doesn't hurt to drop it. +So what do we do? Do we ignore it and finish loading the explosives into the boat -- or do we flush it out now? Now. If we can get it into the boat, we won't have to blow it up -- we can just eject it into space. +Yes, and maybe launch the boat and blow it too... if the others are injured. Who gets the privilege? +All right, Martin, we'll be in touch with you on the communicator. And you'll let me know when you've got it coming this way... +And you'll let me know when you've got it coming this way... And you stand aside while we drive it in, then shut the hatch, launch the boat, and -- +And you stand aside while we drive it in, then shut the hatch, launch the boat, and -- Kablooey. +Kill me... What did it do to you? +What did it do to you? Look... +That was Melkonis... it ate Hunter... I'll get you out of there. +I'll get you out of there. No... don't... +No... don't... But I can save you -- get you to the Autodoc! +But I can save you -- get you to the Autodoc! No good... it's eaten too much of me... +No good... it's eaten too much of me... What can I do? +What can I do? Kill me... +Headache? Dehydration? The head's okay, but I could sink a six-pack. +The head's okay, but I could sink a six-pack. Forget that. I want you off alcohol for at least seventy-two hours. I've got some toxin build-up tests still to run. +Can I... um... have some water? Please? Sure. +What is it? It's nothing, Doc. Just a... touch of indigestion... something. +It's nothing, Doc. Just a... touch of indigestion... something. Do you want a tablet? +Better? Yeah... +Me either. I tell you, I used to be with a mining outfit on Callisto, and when something like that hits... believe me, you know about it. Do you wanna head back and call it in? +Nada. No radiation... no movement... nothing. Well, just keep looking. It's gotta be... whoa, Jesus! +It's a rhino. Is it dead? +Is it dead? No, it's still breathing. Kinda clammy though. Are you sure your stick's not broken. +Yeah, it's fine. God, I hope that thing didn't bring down a virus. +God, I hope that thing didn't bring down a virus. I told you we... what's that? +Looks like a spore. Fungus of some kind, maybe? Bloody big if it is. Top's open. +Let's get back and call this in. Wait a minute. +Nice howitzer you've got there. Thanks. +Thanks. Good argument for gun-control. What are you going after, rhino? +Good argument for gun-control. What are you going after, rhino? Nah. I just wanna squeeze off a few rounds. 'Sides, they tagged the rhinos for the migration project, so they're protected. They'll dock you a month's pay for just mentioning it. +We've got no option. We're gonna have to get it off. Oh man... +Minh... Yep... +That's the second time I ran it, and it still reads the same. Better tell the boss. +A pair of incomings. They popped-up on the medium-range about thirteen twenty-four local time. We figured on it being a magnetic anomaly, but we ran a back-trace just to make sure. +We figured on it being a magnetic anomaly, but we ran a back-trace just to make sure. Yeah. Turns out they dropped straight out of hyperspace. +Can you patch me a temporary loop on DCMGS? Okay, give me the numbers. +What do you need? A three-second burn to port, on my mark. +A three-second burn to port, on my mark. It's on the board. +Seal everything now! What's happening? +What's happening? Cassie, thank Christ! We're under attack. +Cassie, thank Christ! We're under attack. We're what!? +How many of them are there? Too many. +Give or take. We're not gonna make it, are we? +Are you alright? What? What's wrong? What is it? +Where is she? Comin' up the Central Reservoir. +Comin' up the Central Reservoir. Quick! Run a trace on the culvert leading off the auto-shop maintenance pit. +I found it... And? +And? Drains right into the Central Reservoir. +Drains right into the Central Reservoir. Get her on-line. Now! +I can't reach her. Too much signal break-up. Keep trying! +MarsCo went belly-up on the Dow Jones. Shit. When? +Shit. When? Yesterday. We got the Network feed from Gateway; it was the top story on 'Sixty Seconds'. Biggest market crash since twenty-four. +Fucking great. I invested some money in them. You win some, you loose some. +You win some, you loose some. I lose 'em all, that's why I'm still out here on this rock. Anything else you wanna ruin my day with? +I lose 'em all, that's why I'm still out here on this rock. Anything else you wanna ruin my day with? No, but I got something that might interest you. +Curious thing is, the mass detector says they're too small to carry a deep-space drive. Sounds like a couple of escape shuttles. +Where're they headed? We ran a trajectory simulation. If they carry on along that path, it's possible they'll make intra-orbital insertion. +When? Seven minutes ago, the third course change in an hour. Those incomings are going to skim past the communications platform just a little too close for comfort. +Seven minutes ago, the third course change in an hour. Those incomings are going to skim past the communications platform just a little too close for comfort. Can we move it to a different orbit in time? +Picking up velocity. Match it! +What's going on? The door's sealed from inside. Doc Revna's in there, and it sounds like Ackland's going nuts. +The door's sealed from inside. Doc Revna's in there, and it sounds like Ackland's going nuts. Force the door. +It's too late! Nooooo! +Unconfirmed reports of eighteen or so far, but the numbers are all over the place. What's our weapons situation? +Auto-shop's sealed, but those boys are cut-off. Has anybody talked to them? +Has anybody talked to them? Not yet. +Not yet. Do it. +Oh, man... Alright, let's keep calm. We've got to have an option of some sort... there's got to be a way out of this. +How much air-time have I got? About thirty minutes. Those are slimmed-down tanks, so no stopping to admire the scenery. +About thirty minutes. Those are slimmed-down tanks, so no stopping to admire the scenery. Deal. +Deal. We've dumped the whole data-base from one of the cleaning remotes into the helmet. It'll project the route through the sewer system onto the inside of the glass as you go. +If I can get to the chopper, I'll meet you at the rendezvous. Don't wait for me. But... +C'mon, man. One more sweep. One more sweep... one more sweep. I'm getting tired of one more fuckin' sweep. We're been lookin' for this thing for three days now, and found zip. +One more sweep... one more sweep. I'm getting tired of one more fuckin' sweep. We're been lookin' for this thing for three days now, and found zip. Ah, quit griping. Keeps you in shape doesn't it? +Ah, quit griping. Keeps you in shape doesn't it? Hey! I was in shape before we started doing this. +Listen to what? That's what I mean. This is the quietest I've ever heard it. It's unnatural. +De Vries? Yeah? +Yeah? Next time you have a thought like that? Keep it to yourself. +Something spooking the rhinos? I dunno. +Hey, Guttierez? What? +What? Take a look at this. +One of 'em must have escaped. That's impossible, man. This fence is high-tensile. The breaking tolerance'd stand up to the strain of a rhino, easy. I know, I put it up. +There's no way a rhino'd survive that drop. Goldsmith's gonna be plenty pissed at losing one of her babies. +Goldsmith's gonna be plenty pissed at losing one of her babies. That's a fact. +Whoa, wait a minute... What? +What? Just got a reading... +What? Are you nuts? Just the two of us? I've seen this mother, De Vries. We can bag it, no problem. +I've seen this mother, De Vries. We can bag it, no problem. Forget it, man. +Forget it, man. C'mon De Vries. Think of the bonus. +C'mon De Vries. Think of the bonus. Fuck the bonus. I hate heights. You wouldn't get me up there even if it wasn't night. +What the hell are you doing? Hey, fair enough. If you won't come, I'll handle it myself. +Alright, okay. Look... What? +What? I'll come with you. +But I'm going first... Anything you say, Mammacitta. +Careful of that edging there... Yeah, I got it. +Still got him? It's moving slow. About... eleven metres. On the left. +Hold it, hold it... What's wrong? +What's wrong? I'm picking up another signal. +What? Where? Just behind us, over to the right. +Can't see a thing. Are you sure? Yeah, I... +Wait. Lost it. How? +How? I dunno. Might be a glitch. +Oh, man. That's no glitch! It's alright, it's cool... +It's alright, it's cool... Is it still moving? +Is it still moving? No, he's stopped; he's totally still. Just take it nice and easy, babe. Nice and easy... +Move it baby, or they're gonna be chewin' on my cojones! Couple more seconds! +Miss Noguchi! You're wanted in admin. Thanks. +What happened? York just turned up outside. We're trying to get him into Infirmary. +Secondary fluidic shunt for the sewage system. I found the grating ripped right off. The little fucker was strong. Where does that lead to? +Nobody wander off on their own until it's found. Keep in pairs. Diller, once the first team's done their sweep I want you to go down with Annie to Three-Pump while she replaces it. Okay. +Okay. One final point. Killing this sonuvabitch ought to be a reward in itself. However, just to add a little incentive... I'm authorizing a hefty bonus in the next pay-packet for whoever does. +Shit! Our armory's a big blue box from the back shelf of stores. We got about two clips left for an autoloader, and that's it. Auto-shop? +That sounds promising. Can we operate the crane from here? Nah. It's got programmable facilities, but it was never rigged for remote operation. Someone'd have to go up to the cab to get it up and running. +Nah. It's got programmable facilities, but it was never rigged for remote operation. Someone'd have to go up to the cab to get it up and running. Which mean physically going outside. +Is this the suit? Uh-huh. +Yeah, I stripped down a motion tracker and hardwired it through to the helmet pick-ups, too. That's also on the display. Sounds great. +We had to. They were just too cumbersome for some of the conduits you're gonna have to negotiate. Besides, all the crap floating around reduces visibility to the extent where I doubt having helmet lights would have make that much difference, anyway. Maintenance lights down there oughta be enough to do the trick. How tight are these shafts? +Hey, Jan. See if you can get someone to check out the chopper. What's the problem? +What's the problem? She was running a little sluggish on the way back. Think the turbines might be playing up. +She was running a little sluggish on the way back. Think the turbines might be playing up. Give me twenty minutes and I'll do it myself. +Give me twenty minutes and I'll do it myself. Appreciate that. +And...? And, nothing. They checked out just fine. +That's what we thought. Have you got an updated Lloyds' Almanac to cross-reff them through? +Have you got an updated Lloyds' Almanac to cross-reff them through? Done it already. Nothing matches. +Fort Powell. What do we tell 'em? Just give them the facts. They can leap to their own conclusions. +Already working on it. Get off an all-bands emergency distress, and put it on a repeater. +They've changed their heading again. Compensate! +Compensate! Punch me in a solution for their delta-vee. +It left a melted trail on the deck all the way down to here... What is that? +Central Pumping. All the waste gets treated, broken-down, and flushed out into the swamp. If it wanted a quick exit then it really lucked- out. You've checked that end? +Everything on this module is locked and sealed. We've lost 'B', 'C', and 'E' wings, but 'E' was the only one we didn't manage to totally evacuate. How many... how many people are missing? +They knocked out the external feeds. Looks like it. +Communications to auto-shop go through an F.O. link off the main trunk. That's down with the other feeds. Well... try the headset. +It's not all good news. We had to take off the helmet lights. You'll be going in blind. What? Why? +There's still time to back-out. Forget it. I wouldn't ask somebody to do something I wouldn't do myself. Where's the disk? +Thanks. Let's just run through it one more time so I know you've got it straight. +Let's just run through it one more time so I know you've got it straight. Okay, I pull the access panel off of the console. Insert the disk, and press the green enabling button... +Sorry. Two green enabling buttons... Right. When you've done that, don't waste any time getting out of there. Once that crane starts moving...well, it's bound to provoke some kind of response. +Okay, we're in business. Right. Auto-shop, you all set? +Okay, I'm out of here! Blow those suckers, Driscoll! +See that sheathing on the suspension? Eaten away. Same thing with the pumps on the base air purifiers. The algae out here just isn't good on these new plastics. We haven't used Big Bertha since we relocated the generator module. That was four months ago. I can't ask for them to keep bringing spares in on the shuttle, it's already costing too much as it is. +Hey, boss. Wondered where you'd gotten to. I just... wanted to be put on my own for a while. Clear my head. +I just... wanted to be put on my own for a while. Clear my head. Didn't feel like whoopin' it up with the rest of us blue collars, huh? +I've got a lot of thinking to do. 'Sides, the room was getting too crowded for me. Not too much of the socializing type, then? +Not too much of the socializing type, then? No, not really. More sort of the 'claustrophobic' type. +I'm serious. That's why I switched from orbiting to planetary installations. Is that a fact. +Is that a fact. Uh-huh. Used to get it pretty bad. I'd wake up in a cold sweat and want to claw open a vacuum hatch. +Uh-huh. Used to get it pretty bad. I'd wake up in a cold sweat and want to claw open a vacuum hatch. How long you been out here for now, anyway? Three months? +How long you been out here for now, anyway? Three months? Four. +Four. And before that? +And before that? Six month stint on Datus. +Six month stint on Datus. Only six? +Only six? What is this? 'Twenty Questions'? +What is this? 'Twenty Questions'? Just curious. There's a lot of talk goes around. +What is that? Real man' drink. +Seltzer? Want some? +Any luck raising Ackland's party? Nothing. With the satellite down, we can't transmit over the mountain range. He's most likely sitting there wondering why he can't raise us. +Nothing. With the satellite down, we can't transmit over the mountain range. He's most likely sitting there wondering why he can't raise us. First light, we'll take a chopper out there and tell them to head back. +First light, we'll take a chopper out there and tell them to head back. 'We'? You wanna fly out there with me? +'We'? You wanna fly out there with me? Sure. Do me good to stretch my legs. +Don't worry about it. If the Network goes by the book, like everyone figures they will, a Marine gunboat from Powell'll drop-by for a look- see in four-or-five days. They can go poke around out there and find whatever it was hit us. All we've gotta do is sit tight. Do you think Ackland'll sit tight? +Do you think Ackland'll sit tight? There'd have to be a helluva good reason for him not to. +Yeah. Somebody won. Check out the tent. +I've found Ackland! Hold on... +I'm going to need you to co-sign the report. Until we come up with something, this'll be treated as first degree murder. Agreed. +Agreed. When we get the link back, and I send this in, I.C.C.'ll throw a fit. +When we get the link back, and I send this in, I.C.C.'ll throw a fit. Ah, don't worry about I.C.C. They're the least of your problems right now. +Ah, don't worry about I.C.C. They're the least of your problems right now. What do you mean? +Think I spoke too soon... Again? How long before we start noticing the difference? +Do you believe him? Ackland? I don't know him well enough to say. If we were back on Earth we could run him though an Aldhoven test and find out for sure. There's not much we can do out here. +Cornering it shouldn't be a problem. Each part of this station is basically a self-sufficient deep-space transport module running off external couplers. If we disconnect them and seal off every section, we've got a ceiling of about thirty-six hours on internal power. That should give us ample time to find it. Alright. Pull some trackers and headsets out of stores, and I'll sign a release for the weapons. Cassie, organise a team roster and put it on the board. +So, what do you think? What do I think? I think if those Marines from Powell don't shift their butts getting here, we're gonna get caught up to our necks in the middle of something we shouldn't. +What? I'm out of ammo. Get inside, get inside! +That's the wrong way! Detour. Other way's blocked... +Hurry it up. Don't wait for me! +They...they snapped my legs to fit... fit me in here. I don't...remember what happened next. What can I do? +What can I do? I can... feel it moving around inside me. You've got to kill me. +I can... feel it moving around inside me. You've got to kill me. I... I can't! +I... I can't! You have to... +You have to... No! +Where'd you leave them? Camped out by the navi-beacon out on Linson's Range. They're making their own way back tomorrow. +Jesus. Yeah, exactly. Those're pre-programmed course adjustments you're looking at. +Yeah, exactly. Those're pre-programmed course adjustments you're looking at. Tactical nukes, maybe? +How's it going? Yeah, 'Good Evening' to you, too. +Today's party's finished their sweep, the relief team's out there now. Everybody else is either asleep or running shift in the auto-shop. You should hit the sack, too. +You should hit the sack, too. Nah, I'll stick it out for another hour or so. +Nah, I'll stick it out for another hour or so. What time's sundown? +What time's sundown? 'Bout five minutes. +'Bout five minutes. Give me a yell is something happens. +Give me a yell is something happens. You got it, cowboy. +Hello, there. Who are you? Miss Harrington's resting, Mr. deWitt. She asked me to see who it is... +Miss Harrington's resting, Mr. deWitt. She asked me to see who it is... We won't disturb her rest. It seems she left her award in the taxicab. Will you give it to her? +How do you know my name? It's a very famous name, Mr. deWitt. +It's a very famous name, Mr. deWitt. And what is your name? +And what is your name? Phoebe. +Phoebe. Phoebe? +Phoebe? I call myself Phoebe. +I call myself Phoebe. Why not? Tell me, Phoebe, do you want some day to have an award like that of your own? +May I come in? Certainly, Mr. deWitt... +Certainly, Mr. deWitt... I expected to find this little room overcrowded, with a theater full of people at your feet... +I expected to find this little room overcrowded, with a theater full of people at your feet... I consider myself lucky they didn't throw things. +Of course your performance was no surprise to me. After the other day I regarded it as no more than - a promised fulfilled. You're more than kind. But it's still Miss Channing's performance. I'm just a carbon copy you read when you can't find the original... +You're more than kind. But it's still Miss Channing's performance. I'm just a carbon copy you read when you can't find the original... You're more than modest. +You're more than modest. It's not modesty. I just don't try to kid myself. +It's not modesty. I just don't try to kid myself. A revolutionary approach to the Theater. However, if I may a suggestion... +A revolutionary approach to the Theater. However, if I may a suggestion... Please do. +Please do. I think the time has come for you to shed some of your humility. It is just as false not to blow your horn at all as it is to blow it too loudly... +I think the time has come for you to shed some of your humility. It is just as false not to blow your horn at all as it is to blow it too loudly... I don't think I've done anything to sound off about. +I don't think I've done anything to sound off about. We all come into this world with our little egos equipped with individual horns. If we don't blow them - who will? +We all come into this world with our little egos equipped with individual horns. If we don't blow them - who will? Even so. One isolated pretty good performance by an understudy. It'll be forgotten tomorrow. +Even so. One isolated pretty good performance by an understudy. It'll be forgotten tomorrow. It needn't be. +It needn't be. Even if I wanted to - as you say - be less humble, blow my own horn... how would I do it? I'm less than nobody. +Even if I wanted to - as you say - be less humble, blow my own horn... how would I do it? I'm less than nobody. I am somebody. +After you change, if you're not busy elsewhere, we can have supper. I'd love to! Or should I pretend I'm busy? +I'd love to! Or should I pretend I'm busy? Let's have a minimum of pretending. I'll want to do a column about you- +Let's have a minimum of pretending. I'll want to do a column about you- I'm not enough for a paragraph. +I'm not enough for a paragraph. - perhaps more than one. There's so much I want to know. I've heard your story in bits and pieces... your home in Wisconsin, your tragic marriage, your financial attachment to Margo - it started in San Francisco, didn't it? I say - your idolatry of Margo started in San Francisco, didn't it? +- perhaps more than one. There's so much I want to know. I've heard your story in bits and pieces... your home in Wisconsin, your tragic marriage, your financial attachment to Margo - it started in San Francisco, didn't it? I say - your idolatry of Margo started in San Francisco, didn't it? That's right. +That's right. San Francisco. An oasis of civilization in the California desert. Tell me, do you share my high opinion of San Francisco? +San Francisco. An oasis of civilization in the California desert. Tell me, do you share my high opinion of San Francisco? Yes. I do. +Yes. I do. And that memorable night when Margo first dazzled you from the stage - which theater was it in San Francisco? Was it - the Shubert? +And that memorable night when Margo first dazzled you from the stage - which theater was it in San Francisco? Was it - the Shubert? Yes. The Shubert. +Yes. The Shubert. A fine old theater, the Shubert. Full of tradition, untouched by the earthquake - so sorry - fire... by the way, what was your husband's name? +A fine old theater, the Shubert. Full of tradition, untouched by the earthquake - so sorry - fire... by the way, what was your husband's name? Eddie... +Eddie... Eddie what? +I'm about to go into the shower, I won't be able to hear you... I can wait. Where would you like to go? We'll make this a special night... +I can wait. Where would you like to go? We'll make this a special night... You take charge. +You take charge. I believe I will. +Hungry? Just some coffee. +Just some coffee. I'm not surprised. After all that humble pie... +I'm not surprised. After all that humble pie... Nothing of the kind. Karen and I had a nice talk. +Nothing of the kind. Karen and I had a nice talk. "Heart to heart? Woman to woman? Including a casual reference to the part of ""Cora"" - and your hopes of playing it." +"Heart to heart? Woman to woman? Including a casual reference to the part of ""Cora"" - and your hopes of playing it." I discussed it very openly. I told her that I had spoken to Lloyd - and that he was interested. +I discussed it very openly. I told her that I had spoken to Lloyd - and that he was interested. She mentioned, of course, that Margo expects to play the part? +She mentioned, of course, that Margo expects to play the part? Oddly enough - she didn't say a word about Margo. Just that she'll be happy to do what she can to see that I play the part. +Just like that, eh? Just like that. +Just like that. Do you know, Eve - sometimes I think you keep things from me. +I don't think that's funny. It wasn't meant to be. +It wasn't meant to be. I confide in you and rely on you more than anyone I've ever known! To say a thing like that now - without any reason - when I need you more than ever... +I confide in you and rely on you more than anyone I've ever known! To say a thing like that now - without any reason - when I need you more than ever... I hope you mean what you say, Eve. I intend to hold you to it. +What a day - what a heavenly day... D-day. +D-day. Just like it. +Just like it. And tomorrow morning you will have won your beachhead on the shores of Immortality... +And tomorrow morning you will have won your beachhead on the shores of Immortality... Stop rehearsing your column... Isn't it strange, Addison? I thought I'd be panic-stricken, want to run away or something. Instead, I can't wait for tonight to come. To come and go... +Stop rehearsing your column... Isn't it strange, Addison? I thought I'd be panic-stricken, want to run away or something. Instead, I can't wait for tonight to come. To come and go... Are you that sure of tomorrow? +Are you that sure of tomorrow? Aren't you? +Aren't you? Frankly - yes. +It'll be a night to remember. It'll bring to me everything I've ever wanted. The end of an old road - and the beginning of a new one... All paved with diamonds and gold? +All paved with diamonds and gold? You know me better than that. +You know me better than that. Paved with what, then? +Paved with what, then? Stars. +What time? Almost four. +Almost four. Plenty of time for a nice long nap - we rehearsed most of last night... +Plenty of time for a nice long nap - we rehearsed most of last night... You could sleep, too, couldn't you? +You could sleep, too, couldn't you? Why not? +The mark of a true killer. Sleep tight, rest easy - and come out fighting... Why'd call me a killer? +Why'd call me a killer? Did I say killer? I meant champion. I get my boxing terms mixed. +Suites are for expense accounts. Aren't you being extravagant? Max is paying for it. He and Lloyd had a terrific row but Lloyd insisted... well. Can I fix you a drink? +Also with the reluctant compliments of Max Fabian. Lloyd. I never have any, and he likes a couple of drinks after we finish - so he sent it up... +Lloyd. I never have any, and he likes a couple of drinks after we finish - so he sent it up... Some plain soda. Lloyd must be expecting a record run in New Haven... +Some plain soda. Lloyd must be expecting a record run in New Haven... That's for tonight. You're invited. We're having everyone up after the performance. +That's for tonight. You're invited. We're having everyone up after the performance. We're? +We're? Lloyd and I. +Addison... She's always been so fantastically devoted to Lloyd. I would imagine that only death or destruction could keep her- +She's always been so fantastically devoted to Lloyd. I would imagine that only death or destruction could keep her- Addison, just a few minutes ago. When I told you this would be a night to remember - that it would bring me everything I wanted- +Addison, just a few minutes ago. When I told you this would be a night to remember - that it would bring me everything I wanted- - something about an old road ending and a new one starting - paved with stars... +- something about an old road ending and a new one starting - paved with stars... I didn't mean just the Theater. +I didn't mean just the Theater. What else? +So that's it. Lloyd. Still just the Theater, after all... It's nothing of the kind! Lloyd loves me, I love him! +It's nothing of the kind! Lloyd loves me, I love him! I know nothing about Lloyd and his loves - I leave those to Louisa May Alcott. But I do know you. +I know nothing about Lloyd and his loves - I leave those to Louisa May Alcott. But I do know you. I'm in love with Lloyd! +I'm in love with Lloyd! Lloyd Richards is commercially the most successful playwright in America- +Lloyd Richards is commercially the most successful playwright in America- You have no right to say such things! +You have no right to say such things! - and artistically, the most promising! Eve dear, this is Addison. +Addison, won't it be just perfect? Lloyd and I - there's no telling how far we can go... he'll write great plays for me, I'll make them be great! You're the only one I've told, the only one that knows except Lloyd and me... ... and Karen. +... and Karen. She doesn't know. +I see. And when was this unholy alliance joined? We decided the night before last, before we came up here... +We decided the night before last, before we came up here... Was the setting properly romantic - the lights on dimmers, gypsy violins off stage? +Was the setting properly romantic - the lights on dimmers, gypsy violins off stage? The setting wasn't romantic, but Lloyd was. He woke me up at three in the morning, banging on my door - he couldn't sleep, he told me - he's left Karen, he couldn't go on with the play or anything else until I promised to marry him... we sat and talked until it was light. He never went home... +The setting wasn't romantic, but Lloyd was. He woke me up at three in the morning, banging on my door - he couldn't sleep, he told me - he's left Karen, he couldn't go on with the play or anything else until I promised to marry him... we sat and talked until it was light. He never went home... You sat and talked until it was light... +You sat and talked until it was light... We sat and talked, Addison. I want a run of the play contract. +We sat and talked, Addison. I want a run of the play contract. There never was, there'll never be another like you. +There never was, there'll never be another like you. Well, say something - anything! Congratulations, skol - good work, Eve! +What do you take me for? I don't know what I take you for anything... +I don't know what I take you for anything... It is possible - even conceivable - that you've confused me with that gang of backward children you've been playing tricks on - that you have the same contempt for me that you have for them? +It is possible - even conceivable - that you've confused me with that gang of backward children you've been playing tricks on - that you have the same contempt for me that you have for them? I'm sure you mean something by that, Addison, but I don't know what... +I'm sure you mean something by that, Addison, but I don't know what... Look closely, Eve, it's time you did. I am Addison deWitt. I'm nobody's fool. Least of all - yours. +Look closely, Eve, it's time you did. I am Addison deWitt. I'm nobody's fool. Least of all - yours. I never intended you to be. +I never intended you to be. Yes, you did. You still do. +I still don't know what you're getting at. Right now I want to take my nap. It's important that I- - it's important right now that we talk. Killer to killer. +- it's important right now that we talk. Killer to killer. Champion to champion. +Champion to champion. Not with me, you're no champion. You're stepping way up in class. +Not with me, you're no champion. You're stepping way up in class. Addison, will you please say what you have to say plainly and distinctly - and then get out so I can take my nap! +Addison, will you please say what you have to say plainly and distinctly - and then get out so I can take my nap! Very well, plainly and distinctly. Although I consider it unnecessary - because you know as well as I, what I am about to say. Lloyd may leave Karen, but he will not leave Karen for you. +Very well, plainly and distinctly. Although I consider it unnecessary - because you know as well as I, what I am about to say. Lloyd may leave Karen, but he will not leave Karen for you. What do you mean by that? +What do you mean by that? More plainly and more distinctly? I Have not come to New Haven to see the play, discuss your dreams, or to pull the ivy from the walls of Yale! I have come to tell you that you will not marry Lloyd - or anyone else - because I will not permit it. +More plainly and more distinctly? I Have not come to New Haven to see the play, discuss your dreams, or to pull the ivy from the walls of Yale! I have come to tell you that you will not marry Lloyd - or anyone else - because I will not permit it. What have you got to do with it? +What have you got to do with it? Everything. Because after tonight, you will belong to me. +Everything. Because after tonight, you will belong to me. I can't believe my ears... +I can't believe my ears... A dull cliche. +A dull cliche. Belong - to you? That sound medieval - something out of an old melodrama... +Belong - to you? That sound medieval - something out of an old melodrama... So does the history of the world for the past twenty years. I don't enjoy putting it as bluntly as this, frankly I had hoped that you would, somehow, have known - have taken it for granted that you and I... +So does the history of the world for the past twenty years. I don't enjoy putting it as bluntly as this, frankly I had hoped that you would, somehow, have known - have taken it for granted that you and I... ... taken it for granted? That you and I... +You're too short for that gesture. Besides, it went out with Mrs. Fiske. Then if you won't get out, I'll have you thrown out. +Your name is not Eve Harrington. It is Gertrude Slescynski. What of it? +What of it? It is true that your parents were poor. They still are. And they would like to know how you are - and where. They haven't heard from you for three years... +It is true that your parents were poor. They still are. And they would like to know how you are - and where. They haven't heard from you for three years... What of it? +A matter of opinion. Granted. It is also true that you worked in a brewery. But life in the brewery was apparently not as dull as you pictured it. As a matter of fact, it got less and less dull - until you boss's wife had your boss followed by detectives! She never proved anything, not a thing! +She never proved anything, not a thing! But the $500 you got to get out of town brought you straight to New York - didn't it? +She was a liar, she was a liar! Answer my question! Weren't you paid to get out of town? +I had to get in, to meet Margo! I had to say something, be somebody, make her like me! She did like you, she helped and trusted you! You paid her back by trying to take Bill away! +She did like you, she helped and trusted you! You paid her back by trying to take Bill away! That's not true! +That's not true! I was there, I saw you and heard you through the dressing room door! +"You used my name and my column to blackmail Karen into getting you the part of ""Cora"" - and you lied to me about it!" No-no-no... +No-no-no... I had lunch with Karen not three hours ago. As always with women who want to find out things, she told more than she learned... ... do you want to change your story about Lloyd beating at your door the other night? +Then say so. Yes, Addison. +Yes, Addison. And you realize - you agree how completely you belong to me? +And you realize - you agree how completely you belong to me? Yes, Addison. +Yes, Addison. Take your nap, now. And good luck for tonight. +I won't play tonight. I couldn't. Not possibly. I couldn't go on... Couldn't go on? You'll give the performance of your life. +I don't suppose there's a drink left... You can have one at Max's. +You can have one at Max's. I don't think I'm going. +I don't think I'm going. Why not? +Why not? Because I don't want to. +Because I don't want to. Max has gone to a great deal of trouble, it's going to be an elaborate party, and it's for you. +Max has gone to a great deal of trouble, it's going to be an elaborate party, and it's for you. No, it's not. It's for this. +No, it's not. It's for this. It's the same thing, isn't it? +It's the same thing, isn't it? Exactly. Here. Take it to the party instead of me. +Exactly. Here. Take it to the party instead of me. You're being childish. +I'm tired. I want to go home. Very well. I shall drop you and go on to the party. I have no intention of missing it... +Every now and then, some elder statesman of the Theater or cinema assures the public that actors and actresses are just plain folk. Ignoring the fact that their greatest attraction to the public is their complete lack of resemblance to normal human beings. Now there's something a girl could make sacrifices for. +That isn't a waiter, my dear. That's a butler. "Well, I can't yell ""Oh, butler,"" can I? Maybe somebody's name is Butler..." +"Well, I can't yell ""Oh, butler,"" can I? Maybe somebody's name is Butler..." You have a point. An idiotic one, but a point. +You have a point. An idiotic one, but a point. I don't want to make trouble. All I want is a drink. +Let's go sit by the piano. You have me confused with Dan Dailey. You go sit by the piano. And you come sit by me. Good night. +We never met. That's why. Miss Caswell is an actress. A graduate of Copacabana School of Dramatic Arts. Ah... Eve. +This must be, at long last, our formal introduction. Until now we have met only in passing... That's how you met me. In passing. +Claudia dear, come closer. This is Max Fabian. He is a producer. Go do yourself some good. Why do they always look like unhappy rabbits? +Why do they always look like unhappy rabbits? Because that is what they are. Go make him happy. +Feeling better, my dear? Like I just swam the English Channel. Now what? +Like I just swam the English Channel. Now what? You next move, it seems to me, should be toward television. +Tell me this. Do they have auditions for television? That's all television is, my dear. Nothing but auditions. +It is senseless to insist that theatrical folk in New York, Hollywood and London are no different from the good people of Des Moines, Chillicothe and Liverpool. By and large, we are concentrated gatherings of neurotics, egomaniacs, emotional misfits, and precocious children- Gable. Why a feller like that don't come East to do a play... +Answer me this. What makes a man become a producer? What makes a man walk into a lion cage with nothing but a chair? +What makes a man walk into a lion cage with nothing but a chair? This answer satisfies me a hundred percent. +This answer satisfies me a hundred percent. We all have abnormality in common. We are a breed apart from the rest of the humanity, we Theater folk. We are the original displaced personalities... +In my case it's necessary. Too many taxi drivers write plays. And too many of them are produced. +I'm giving her a very high-class party. It ain't like a rehearsal, she don't have to be late. As soon as the peasants stop pawing her. +Then stop being a star - start treating your guests as your supporting cast! Hear, hear... +She was magnificent. Then you've heard too. +Then you've heard too. I was there. An eyewitness. +I was there. An eyewitness. You were there? At the play - last night? +You were there? At the play - last night? A happy coincidence. +From the smartness of your dress, I take it your luncheon companion is a lady? Margo. +Margo. Margo? Lunching in public? +Margo? Lunching in public? It's new Margo. But she's just as late as the old one. +It's new Margo. But she's just as late as the old one. She may be later than you think... +I distinctly remember striking your name from the guest list. What are you doing here? Dear Margo. You were an unforgettable Peter Pan - you must play it again, soon. You remember Miss Caswell? +Dear Margo. You were an unforgettable Peter Pan - you must play it again, soon. You remember Miss Caswell? I do not. How do you do? +Eve, this is an old friend of Mr. deWitt's mother - Miss Caswell, Miss Harrington... Addison, I've been wanting you to meet Eve for the longest time- It could only have been your natural timidity that kept you from mentioning it... +It could only have been your natural timidity that kept you from mentioning it... You've heard of her great interest in the Theater- +You've heard of her great interest in the Theater- We have that in common. +We have that in common. Then you two must have a long talk- +You mustn't worry about your little charge. She is in safe hands. Amen. +Why so remote, Addison? I should think you'd be at the side of your protegee, lending her moral support... Miss Caswell, at the moment, is where I can lend no support - moral or otherwise. +Miss Caswell, at the moment, is where I can lend no support - moral or otherwise. The ladies' - shall we say - lounge? +The ladies' - shall we say - lounge? Being violently ill to her tummy. +Being violently ill to her tummy. It's good luck before an audition. She'll be all right once it starts. +Miss Caswell got lucky too late. The audition is over. Over? It can't be. I've come to read with her. I promised Max. +Over? It can't be. I've come to read with her. I promised Max. The audition was called for 2:30. It is now nearly four. +The audition was called for 2:30. It is now nearly four. Is it really? I must start wearing a watch, I never do, you know... who read with Miss Caswell? Bill? Lloyd? Well, it couldn't have been Max! Who? +Is it really? I must start wearing a watch, I never do, you know... who read with Miss Caswell? Bill? Lloyd? Well, it couldn't have been Max! Who? Naturally enough, your understudy. +Naturally enough, your understudy. I consider it highly unnatural to allow a girl in an advanced state of pregnancy- +I consider it highly unnatural to allow a girl in an advanced state of pregnancy- I refer to your new and unpregnant understudy. Eve Harrington. +I refer to your new and unpregnant understudy. Eve Harrington. Eve! My understudy... +Eve! My understudy... Didn't you know? +Didn't you know? Of course I knew. +Of course I knew. It just slipped your mind. +How... how was Miss Caswell? Frankly, I don't remember. +Frankly, I don't remember. Just slipped your mind. +Just slipped your mind. Completely. Nor, I am sure, could anyone else present tell you how Miss Caswell read or whether Miss Caswell read or rode a pogo stick. +Completely. Nor, I am sure, could anyone else present tell you how Miss Caswell read or whether Miss Caswell read or rode a pogo stick. Was she that bad? +Margo, as you know, i have lived in the Theater as a Trappist monk lives in his faith. I have no other world, no other life - and once in a great while I experience that moment of Revelation for which all true believers wait and pray. You were one. Jeanne Eagels another... Paula Wessely... Hayes - there are others, three or four. Eve Harrington will be among them... I take it she read well. +I take it she read well. It wasn't reading, it was a performance. Brilliant, vivid, something made of music and fire... +It wasn't reading, it was a performance. Brilliant, vivid, something made of music and fire... How nice. +How nice. In time she'll be what you are. +In time she'll be what you are. A mass of music and fire. That's me. An old kazoo and some sparkles. Tell me - was Bill swept away, too, or were you too full of Revelation to notice? +A mass of music and fire. That's me. An old kazoo and some sparkles. Tell me - was Bill swept away, too, or were you too full of Revelation to notice? Bill didn't say - but Lloyd was beside himself. He listened to his play as if someone else had written it, he said, it sounded so fresh, so new, so full of meaning... +Bill didn't say - but Lloyd was beside himself. He listened to his play as if someone else had written it, he said, it sounded so fresh, so new, so full of meaning... How nice for Lloyd. And how nice for Eve. How nice for everybody. +Eve was incredibly modest. She insisted that no credit was due her, that Lloyd felt as he did only because she read lines exactly as he had written them. The implication being that I have not been reading them as written. +The implication being that I have not been reading them as written. To the best of my recollection, neither your name nor your performance entered the conversation. +Bill... The air lines have clocks, even if you haven't! I start shooting a week from Monday - Zanuck is impatient, he wants me, he needs me! +The air lines have clocks, even if you haven't! I start shooting a week from Monday - Zanuck is impatient, he wants me, he needs me! Bill- +Bill! Huh? +Huh? This is Eve Harrington. +You've already met. Where? +Where? Right here. A minute ago. +Right here. A minute ago. That's nice. +Good luck, genius... Geniuses don't need good luck. I do. +Macbeth. We know you, we've seen you before like this. Is it over - or just beginning? +I guess at this point I'm what the French call 'de trop'... Maybe just a little around the edges. +When? When are you going to do it? Tomorrow we meet at City Hall at ten- - and you're going to be on time. +Nothing? Everything... everything's so funny... +Forty-five minutes from now my plane takes off and how do I find you? Not ready yet, looking like a junk yard- Thank you so much. +Thank you so much. Is it sabotage, does my career mean nothing to you? Have you no human consideration? +Is it sabotage, does my career mean nothing to you? Have you no human consideration? Show me a human and I might have! +Only in some ways. You're prettier... I'm a junk yard. +Hi. My wonderful junk yard. The mystery and dreams you find in a junk yard- Heaven help me, I love a psychotic. +Oh well... ... look through the wigs, maybe it got caught- Real diamonds in a wig. The world we live in... +Real diamonds in a wig. The world we live in... Where's my coat? +Can't keep his eyes off my legs. Like a nylon lemon peel- +Like a nylon lemon peel- Byron couldn't have said it more graciously... here we go- +She's quite a girl, that what's-her name... Eve. I'd forgotten they grew that way... +Eve. I'd forgotten they grew that way... The lack of pretense, that sort of strange directness and understanding- +The lack of pretense, that sort of strange directness and understanding- Did she tell you about the Theater and what it meant? +Did she tell you about the Theater and what it meant? I told her. I sounded off. +I told her. I sounded off. All the religions in the world rolled into one, and we're Gods and Goddesses... isn't it silly, suddenly I've developed a big protective feeling for her - a lamb loose in our big stone jungle... +Take care of yourself out there... I understand they've got the Indians pretty well in hand... +I understand they've got the Indians pretty well in hand... Bill... +Bill... Huh? +Huh? Don't get stuck on some glamour puss- +Don't get stuck on some glamour puss- I'll try. +I'll try. You're not such a bargain, you know, conceited and thoughtless and messy- +You're not such a bargain, you know, conceited and thoughtless and messy- Everybody can't be Gregory Peck. +Everybody can't be Gregory Peck. - you're a setup for some gorgeous wide-eyed young babe. +- you're a setup for some gorgeous wide-eyed young babe. How childish are you going to get before you quit it? +How childish are you going to get before you quit it? I don't want to be childish, I'd settle for just a few years- +I don't want to be childish, I'd settle for just a few years- And cut that out right now. +And cut that out right now. Am I going to lose you, Bill? Am I? +Am I going to lose you, Bill? Am I? As of this moment you're six years old... +Knit me a muffler. Call me when you get in... +What a thoughtful, ever-lovin' thing to do- Bill? Have I gone crazy, Bill? +Bill? Have I gone crazy, Bill? You're my girl, aren't you? +You're my girl, aren't you? That I am... +That I am... Then you're crazy. +Then you're crazy. When - when are you coming back? +When - when are you coming back? I leave in a week - the picture's all wrapped up, we previewed last night... those previews. Like opening out of town, but terrifying. There's nothing you can do, you're trapped, you're in a tin can- +I leave in a week - the picture's all wrapped up, we previewed last night... those previews. Like opening out of town, but terrifying. There's nothing you can do, you're trapped, you're in a tin can- - in a tin can, cellophane or wrapped in a Navajo blanket, I want you home... +- in a tin can, cellophane or wrapped in a Navajo blanket, I want you home... You in a hurry? +You in a hurry? A big hurry, be quick about it - so good night, darling, and sleep tight... +A big hurry, be quick about it - so good night, darling, and sleep tight... Wait a minute! You can't hang up, you haven't even said it- +Wait a minute! You can't hang up, you haven't even said it- Bill, you know how much I do - but over the phone, now really, that's kid stuff... +Bill, you know how much I do - but over the phone, now really, that's kid stuff... Kid stuff or not, it doesn't happen every day, I want to heat it - and if you won't say it, you can sing it... +Kid stuff or not, it doesn't happen every day, I want to heat it - and if you won't say it, you can sing it... Sing it? +Sing it? Sure! Like the Western Union boys used to do... +Bill... Bill, it's your birthday. And who remembered it? Who was there on the dot, at twelve midnight...? +Happy birthday, darling... "The reading could have been better, but you said it - now ""many happy returns of the day...""" +"The reading could have been better, but you said it - now ""many happy returns of the day...""" Many happy returns of the day... +Many happy returns of the day... I get a party, don't I? +I get a party, don't I? Of course, birthday and welcome home... who'll I ask? +Of course, birthday and welcome home... who'll I ask? It's no secret, I know all about the party - Eve wrote me... +It's no secret, I know all about the party - Eve wrote me... She did...? +She did...? She hasn't missed a week since I left - but you know all that, you probably tell her what to write... anyway, I sent her a list of people to ask - check with her. +She hasn't missed a week since I left - but you know all that, you probably tell her what to write... anyway, I sent her a list of people to ask - check with her. Yeah... I will. +Yeah... I will. How is Eve? Okay? +How is Eve? Okay? Okay. +Okay. I love you... +I love you... I'll check with Eve... +I'll check with Eve... What? +What? I love you too. Good night, darling- +I love you too. Good night, darling- See you... +Outside of a beehive, Margo, your behavior would hardly be considered either queenly or motherly! You're in a beehive, pal, didn't you know? We're all busy little bees, full of stings, making honey day and night- - aren't we, honey? +It's a good thought. It won't play. +Happy little housewife... Cut it out. +Cut it out. This is my house, not a theater! In my house you're a guest, not a director-! +Need any help? To put me to bed? Take my clothes off, hold my head, tuck me in, turn off the lights, tiptoe out...? eve would. Wouldn't you, Eve? +Don't let me kill the point. Or isn't it a story for grownups? You've heard it. About when I looked through the wrong end of a camera finder. +You've heard it. About when I looked through the wrong end of a camera finder. Remind me to tell you about when I looked into the heart of an artichoke. +Looks like I'm going to have a very fancy party... I thought you were going to be late- +I thought you were going to be late- When I'm guest of honor? +When I'm guest of honor? I had no idea you were even here. +I had no idea you were even here. I ran into Eve on my way upstairs; she told me you were dressing. +I ran into Eve on my way upstairs; she told me you were dressing. That never stopped you before. +That never stopped you before. Well, we started talking, she wanted to know all about Hollywood, she seemed so interested... +Well, we started talking, she wanted to know all about Hollywood, she seemed so interested... She's a girl of so many interests. +She's a girl of so many interests. It's a pretty rare quality these days. +It's a pretty rare quality these days. She's a girl of so many rare qualities. +She's a girl of so many rare qualities. So she seems. +So she seems. So you've pointed out, so often. So many qualities, so often. Her loyalty, efficiency, devotion, warmth, affection - and so young. So young and so fair... +I can't believe you're making this up - it sounds like something out of an old Clyde Fitch play... Clyde Fitch, thought you may not think so, was well before my time! +Clyde Fitch, thought you may not think so, was well before my time! I've always denied the legend that you were in 'Our American Cousin' the night Lincoln was shot... +I've always denied the legend that you were in 'Our American Cousin' the night Lincoln was shot... I don't think that's funny! +I don't think that's funny! Of course it's funny - this is all too laughable to be anything else. You know what I think about this - this age obsession of yours - and now this ridiculous attempt to whip yourself up into a jealous froth because I spent ten minutes with a stage-struck kid- +Of course it's funny - this is all too laughable to be anything else. You know what I think about this - this age obsession of yours - and now this ridiculous attempt to whip yourself up into a jealous froth because I spent ten minutes with a stage-struck kid- Twenty minutes! +Twenty minutes! Thirty minutes, forty minutes! What of it? +Thirty minutes, forty minutes! What of it? Stage-struck kid... she's a young lady - of qualities. And I'll have you know I'm fed up with both the young lady and her qualities! Studying me as if - as if I were a play or a set of blueprints! How I walk, talk, think, eat, sleep! +Stage-struck kid... she's a young lady - of qualities. And I'll have you know I'm fed up with both the young lady and her qualities! Studying me as if - as if I were a play or a set of blueprints! How I walk, talk, think, eat, sleep! Now how can you take offense at a kid trying in every way to be as much like her ideal as possible! +Now how can you take offense at a kid trying in every way to be as much like her ideal as possible! Stop calling her a kid! It so happens there are particular aspects of my life to which I would like to maintain sole and exclusive rights and privileges! +Stop calling her a kid! It so happens there are particular aspects of my life to which I would like to maintain sole and exclusive rights and privileges! For instance what? +For instance what? For instance - you! +For instance - you! This is my cue to take you in my arms and reassure you - but I'm not going to. I'm too mad- +This is my cue to take you in my arms and reassure you - but I'm not going to. I'm too mad- - guilty. +- guilty. Mad! Darling, there are certain characteristics for which you are famous - on stage and off. I love you for some of them - and in spite of others. I haven't let those become too important to me. They're part of your equipment for getting along in what is laughably called out environment - you've got to keep your teeth sharp. All right. But you will not sharpen them on me - or on Eve... +Mad! Darling, there are certain characteristics for which you are famous - on stage and off. I love you for some of them - and in spite of others. I haven't let those become too important to me. They're part of your equipment for getting along in what is laughably called out environment - you've got to keep your teeth sharp. All right. But you will not sharpen them on me - or on Eve... What about her teeth? What about her fangs? +What about her teeth? What about her fangs? She hasn't cut them yet, and you know it! So when you start judging an idealistic dreamy-eyed kid by the barroom, Benzedrine standards of this megalomaniac society - I won't have it! Eve Harrington has never by word, look, thought or suggestion indicated anything to me but her adoration for you and her happiness at our being in love! And to intimate anything else doesn't spell jealousy to me - it spells a paranoic insecurity that you should be ashamed of! +She hasn't cut them yet, and you know it! So when you start judging an idealistic dreamy-eyed kid by the barroom, Benzedrine standards of this megalomaniac society - I won't have it! Eve Harrington has never by word, look, thought or suggestion indicated anything to me but her adoration for you and her happiness at our being in love! And to intimate anything else doesn't spell jealousy to me - it spells a paranoic insecurity that you should be ashamed of! Cut! Print it! What happens in the next reel? Do I get dragged off screaming to the snake pit? +Thank you. Nothing, really... +Nothing, really... The kid - junior, that is - will be right down. Unless you'd like to take her drink up to her... +The kid - junior, that is - will be right down. Unless you'd like to take her drink up to her... I can always get a fresh one. Karen - you're a Gibson girl... +Many of your guests have been wondering when they may be permitted to view the body. Where has it been laid out? It hasn't been laid out, we haven't finished with the embalming. As a matter of fact, you're looking at it. The remains of Margo Channing. Sitting up. It is my last wish to be buried sitting up. +It hasn't been laid out, we haven't finished with the embalming. As a matter of fact, you're looking at it. The remains of Margo Channing. Sitting up. It is my last wish to be buried sitting up. Wouldn't you feel more natural taking a bow? +Wouldn't you feel more natural taking a bow? You know nothing about feelings, natural or unnatural. +You know nothing about feelings, natural or unnatural. Then without feeling, your guests were also wondering whether the music couldn't be a shade more on the - shall we say, happier side? +Then without feeling, your guests were also wondering whether the music couldn't be a shade more on the - shall we say, happier side? If my guests do not like it here, I suggest they accompany you to the nursery where I'm sure you will all feel more at home. +No heart to burn. Everybody has a heart - except some people. Of course I've got bicarb. There's a box in the pantry. We'll put your name on it. Max Fabian. It'll say there. Always. Just for you. +It's all over. What's all over? +What's all over? The audition. +The audition. Eve? How enchanting... Wherever did you get the idea of having Eve read with Miss Caswell? +What fire and music? You wouldn't understand. How was Miss Caswell? +Addison-! So full of meaning, fire and music! +And you, I take it, are the Paderewski who plays his concerto on me, the piano? Where is Princess Fire-and-Music? Who? +Who? The kid. Junior. +The kid. Junior. Gone. +Gone. I must have frightened her away. +I must have frightened her away. I wouldn't be surprised. Sometimes you frighten me. +I wouldn't be surprised. Sometimes you frighten me. Poor little flower. Just dropped her petals and folded her tent... +Poor little flower. Just dropped her petals and folded her tent... Don't mix your metaphors. +Don't mix your metaphors. I mix what I like. +I mix what I like. Okay. Mix. +Okay. Mix. I'm nothing but a body with a voice. No mind. +I'm nothing but a body with a voice. No mind. What a body, what a voice. +What a body, what a voice. The ex-ship news' reporter. No body, no voice, all mind! +The ex-ship news' reporter. No body, no voice, all mind! The gong rang. The fight's over. Calm down. +The gong rang. The fight's over. Calm down. I will not calm down! +I will not calm down! Don't calm down. +Don't calm down. You're being terribly tolerant, aren't you? +You're being terribly tolerant, aren't you? I'm trying terribly hard. +I'm trying terribly hard. Well, you needn't. I will not be tolerated. And I will not be plotted against! +Well, you needn't. I will not be tolerated. And I will not be plotted against! Here we go... +Here we go... Such nonsense, what do you all take me for - little Nell from the country? Been my understudy for over a week without my knowing, carefully hidden no doubt- +Such nonsense, what do you all take me for - little Nell from the country? Been my understudy for over a week without my knowing, carefully hidden no doubt- Now don't get carried away- +Now don't get carried away- - shows up for an audition when everyone knew I'd be here... and gives a performance! Out of nowhere - gives a performance! +- shows up for an audition when everyone knew I'd be here... and gives a performance! Out of nowhere - gives a performance! You've been all through that with Lloyd- +You've been all through that with Lloyd- The playwright doesn't make the performance - and it doesn't just happen! And this one didn't - full of fire and music and whatnot, it was carefully rehearsed I have no doubt, over and over, full of those Bill Sampson touches! +The playwright doesn't make the performance - and it doesn't just happen! And this one didn't - full of fire and music and whatnot, it was carefully rehearsed I have no doubt, over and over, full of those Bill Sampson touches! I am sick and tired of these paranoiac outbursts! +I am sick and tired of these paranoiac outbursts! Paranoiac! +Paranoiac! I didn't know Eve Harrington was your understudy until half past two this afternoon! +I didn't know Eve Harrington was your understudy until half past two this afternoon! Tell that to Dr. Freud! Along with the rest of it... +No, I'll tell it to you! For the last time, I'll tell it to you. Because you've got to stop hurting yourself, and me, and the two of us by these paranoiac tantrums! That word again! I don't even know what it means... +That word again! I don't even know what it means... It's time you found out. I love you. I love you. You're a beautiful and intelligent woman- - a beautiful and intelligent woman and a great actress- - at the peak of her career. You have every reason for happiness- - every reason, but due to some strange, uncontrollable, unconscious drive you permit the slightest action of a kid- - kid like Eve to turn you into a hysterical, screaming harpy! Now once and for all, stop it! +It's obvious you're not a woman. I've been aware of that for some time. +I've been aware of that for some time. Well, I am. +Well, I am. I'll say. +I'll say. Don't be condescending. +Don't be condescending. Come on, get up. I'll buy you a drink. +Come on, get up. I'll buy you a drink. I admit I may have seen better days, but I am still not to be had for the price of a cocktail - like a salted peanut. +I admit I may have seen better days, but I am still not to be had for the price of a cocktail - like a salted peanut. Margo, let's make peace. +Margo, let's make peace. The terms are too high. Unconditional surrender. +The terms are too high. Unconditional surrender. Just being happy? Just stopping all this nonsense about Eve - and Eve and me? +Just being happy? Just stopping all this nonsense about Eve - and Eve and me? It's not nonsense. +It's not nonsense. But if I tell you it is - as I just did. Were you listening to me? Isn't that enough? +But if I tell you it is - as I just did. Were you listening to me? Isn't that enough? I wish it were. +I wish it were. Then what would be enough? If we were married? +Then what would be enough? If we were married? I wouldn't want you to marry me just to prove something. +I wouldn't want you to marry me just to prove something. You've had so many reasons for not wanting to marry me... Margo, tell me what's behind all this. +You've had so many reasons for not wanting to marry me... Margo, tell me what's behind all this. I - I don't know, Bill. Just a feeling, I don't know... +I - I don't know, Bill. Just a feeling, I don't know... I think you do know but you won't or can't tell me. I said before it was going to be my last try, and I meant it. I can't think of anything else to do. I wish I could. We usually wind up screaming and throwing things as the curtain comes down. Then it comes up again and everything's fine. But not this time. You know there isn't a playwright in the world who could make me believe this would happen between two adult people. Goodbye, Margo. +Bill... ... where are you going? To find Eve? That suddenly makes the whole thing believable. +The so-called art of acting is not one for which I have a particularly high regard... Hear, hear... +Hear, hear... But you may quote me as follows. Quote. Tonight Miss Margo Channing gave a performance in your cockamamie play, the like of which I have never seen before and expect rarely to see again. Unquote. +But you may quote me as follows. Quote. Tonight Miss Margo Channing gave a performance in your cockamamie play, the like of which I have never seen before and expect rarely to see again. Unquote. He does not exaggerate. I was good. +He does not exaggerate. I was good. You were great. +To Margo. To my bride-to-be. Glory Hallelujah. +It's only for the license. There's a three-day wait - blood tests, things like that... I'll marry you if it turns out you have no blood at all. +Something simple. A fur coat over a nightgown... The point is - in the cathedral, a ball park or a penny arcade - we want to have you two beside us our nearest and dearest friends. +"""Please forgive me for butting into what seems such a happy occasion - but it's most important that I speak with you. Please"" - it's underlined - ""meet me in the Ladies' Room. Eve.""" I understand she is now the understudy in there. +I understand she is now the understudy in there. Pass me the empty bottle. I may find her... why, look. There's Rasputin. +Groom- - may I have a wedding present? What would you like? Texas? +What would you like? Texas? I want everybody to shut up about Eve. Just shut up about Eve, that's all I want. Give Karen more wine... ... never have I been so happy. Isn't this a lovely room? The Cub Room. What a lovely, clever name. Where the elite meet. Never have I seen so much elite - and all with their eyes on me. Waiting for me to crack that little gnome over the noggin with a bottle. But not tonight. Even Eve. I forgive Eve... there they go. +There goes Eve. Eve evil, Little Miss Evil. But the evil that men do - how does it go, groom? Something about the good they leave behind - I played it once in rep in Wilkes Barre... You've got it backwards. Even for Wilkes-Barre. +You've got it backwards. Even for Wilkes-Barre. You know why I forgive Eve? Because she's left good behind - the four of us, together like this, it's Eve's fault - I forgive her... +Never try to outguess Margo. Groom. +Groom. Yes, dear. +Yes, dear. You know what I'm going to be? +You know what I'm going to be? A cowboy. +A cowboy. A married lady. +A married lady. With the paper to prove it. +With the paper to prove it. I'm going to have a home. Not just a house I'm afraid to stay in... and a man to go with it. I'll look up at six o'clock - and there he'll be... remember, Karen? +Often enough to keep the franchise. A foursquare, upright, downright, forthright married lady... that's for me. And no more make believe! Off stage or on... remember, Lloyd. I mean it, now. Grown-up women only, I might even play a mother - only one child, of course, not over eight... Lloyd, will you promise not to be angry with me? +Hello, what's your name? Eve. Eve Harrington. +You said forty-seven minutes. You'll never make it. I told you a lie. We'll make it easily. Margo's got no more conception of time than a halibut. +Why? I just wondered. +I just wondered. Just wondered what? +Just wondered what? Why. +Why. Why what? +Why what? Why you have to go out there. +Why you have to go out there. I don't have to. I want to. +I don't have to. I want to. Is it the money? +Is it the money? Eighty percent of it will go for taxes. +Eighty percent of it will go for taxes. Then why? Why, if you're the best and most successful young director in the Theater- +Then why? Why, if you're the best and most successful young director in the Theater- The Theatuh, the Theatuh- - what book of rules says the Theater exists only within some ugly buildings crowded into one square mile of New York City? Or London, Paris or Vienna? Listen, junior. And learn. Want to know what the Theater is? A flea circus. Also opera. Also rodeos, carnivals, ballets, Indian tribal dances, Punch and Judy, a one-man band - all Theater. Wherever there's magic and make-believe and an audience - there's Theater. Donald Duck, Ibsen, and The Lone Ranger, Sarah Bernhardt, Poodles Hanneford, Lunt and Fontanne, Betty Grable, Rex and Wild, and Eleanora Duse. You don't understand them all, you don't like them all, why should you? The Theater's for everybody - you included, but not exclusively - so don't approve or disapprove. It may not be your Theater, but it's Theater of somebody, somewhere. +The Theatuh, the Theatuh- - what book of rules says the Theater exists only within some ugly buildings crowded into one square mile of New York City? Or London, Paris or Vienna? Listen, junior. And learn. Want to know what the Theater is? A flea circus. Also opera. Also rodeos, carnivals, ballets, Indian tribal dances, Punch and Judy, a one-man band - all Theater. Wherever there's magic and make-believe and an audience - there's Theater. Donald Duck, Ibsen, and The Lone Ranger, Sarah Bernhardt, Poodles Hanneford, Lunt and Fontanne, Betty Grable, Rex and Wild, and Eleanora Duse. You don't understand them all, you don't like them all, why should you? The Theater's for everybody - you included, but not exclusively - so don't approve or disapprove. It may not be your Theater, but it's Theater of somebody, somewhere. I just asked a simple question. +I just asked a simple question. And I shot my mouth off. Nothing personal, junior, no offense... ... it's just that there's so much bushwah in this Ivory Green Room they call the Theatuh - sometimes it gets up around my chin... +But Hollywood. You mustn't stay there. It's only one picture deal. +It's only one picture deal. So few come back... +So few come back... Yeah. They keep you under drugs out there with armed guards... +I read George Jean Nathan every week. Also Addison deWitt. +Also Addison deWitt. Every day. +Every day. You didn't have to tell me. +Ah... I have a suggestion. There's really not much time left - I mean, you haven't had a minute alone yet, and - well, I could take care of everything here and meet you at the gate with the ticket... if you'd like. +I have a suggestion. There's really not much time left - I mean, you haven't had a minute alone yet, and - well, I could take care of everything here and meet you at the gate with the ticket... if you'd like. I think we'd like very much. Sure you won't mind? +I think we'd like very much. Sure you won't mind? Of course not. +Thanks for your help... good luck. Goodbye, Mr. Sampson. +Yes. Yes, it does. It means concentration of ambition, desire, and sacrifice such as no other profession demands... And I'll agree that the man or woman who accepts those terms can't be ordinary, can't be - just someone. To give so much for almost always so little... +- little things here and there, it doesn't matter. You can be proud of yourself, you've got a right to be. Are you proud of me, Bill? +Are you proud of me, Bill? I'll admit I was worried when Max called. I had my doubts. +I'll admit I was worried when Max called. I had my doubts. You shouldn't have had any doubts. +You shouldn't have had any doubts. - after all, the other day was one scene, the woods are full of one scene sensations. But you did it. With work and patience, you'll be a fine actress. If that's what you want to be. +- after all, the other day was one scene, the woods are full of one scene sensations. But you did it. With work and patience, you'll be a fine actress. If that's what you want to be. Is that what you want me to be? +Is that what you want me to be? I'm talking about you. And what you want. +I'm talking about you. And what you want. So am I. +So am I. What have I got to do with it? +What have I got to do with it? Everything. +Everything. The names I've been called. But never Svengali. Good luck. +Don't run away, Bill. From what would I be running? +From what would I be running? You're always after truth - on the stage. What about off? +You're always after truth - on the stage. What about off? I'm for it. +I'm for it. Then face it. I have. Since that first night - here - in the dressing room. +Then face it. I have. Since that first night - here - in the dressing room. When I told you what every young actress should know. +When I told you what every young actress should know. When you told me that whatever I became, it would be because of you- +When you told me that whatever I became, it would be because of you- Your make-up's a little heavy. +Your make-up's a little heavy. - and for you. +- and for you. You're quite a girl. +You're quite a girl. You think? +You think? I'm in love with Margo. Hadn't you heard? +I'm in love with Margo. Hadn't you heard? You hear all kinds of things. +You hear all kinds of things. I'm only human, rumors to the contrary. And I'm as curious as the next man... +I'm only human, rumors to the contrary. And I'm as curious as the next man... Find out. +Find out. Only thing, what I go after, I want to go after. I don't want it to come after me. +Lemme fix you a drink. No thanks, Birdie. +Margo does not play a lunatic, Birdie. I know. She just keeps hearin' her dead father play the banjo. +The bed looks like a dead animal act. Which one is sables? But she just got here... +But she just got here... She's on her way. With half the men in the joint. It's only a fur coat... +She's on her way. With half the men in the joint. It's only a fur coat... What did you expect - live sables? +What did you expect - live sables? A diamond collar, gold sleeves - you know, picture people... +Bill says actors out there eat just as infrequently as here- They can always grab oranges off trees. This you can't do in Times Square... +It was Fort Sumter they fired on- I never played Fort Sumter. +You need new girdles. Buy some. +Buy some. The same size? +The same size? Of course! +Of course! Well. I guess a real tight girdle help when you're playin' a lunatic. +How do you do, my dear. Oh, brother. +And this is my good friend and companion, Miss Birdie Coonan. Oh, brother. +Oh, brother. Miss Coonan... +I'm sure you must have things to do in the bathroom, Birdie dear. If I haven't, I'll find something till you're normal. +There are some human experiences, Birdie, that do not take place in a vaudeville house - and that even a fifth-rate vaudevillian should understand and respect! I want to apologize for Birdie's- You don't have to apologize for me! I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. It's just my way of talkin'... +She, too, is a great admirer of yours. Imagine. All this admiration in just one room. +Kill the people. Got your key? See you home... +You bought the new girdles a size smaller. I can feel it. Something maybe grew a size bigger. +Something maybe grew a size bigger. When we get home you're going to get into one of those girdles and act for two and half hours. +When we get home you're going to get into one of those girdles and act for two and half hours. I couldn't get into the girdle in two an' a half hours... +Adorable. We now got everything a dressing room needs except a basketball hoop. Just because you can't even work a zipper. It was very thoughtful, Eve, and I appreciate it- +"If I may so bold as to say something - did you ever hear the word ""union""?" Behind in your dues? How much? +Behind in your dues? How much? I haven't got a union. I'm slave labor. +I haven't got a union. I'm slave labor. Well? +Well? But the wardrobe women have got one. And next to a tenor, a wardrobe woman is the touchiest thing in show business- +But the wardrobe women have got one. And next to a tenor, a wardrobe woman is the touchiest thing in show business- Oh-oh. +Oh-oh. She's got two things to do - carry clothes an' press 'em wrong - an' just let anybody else muscle in... +Birdie- Hmm? +Hmm? You don't like Eve, do you? +You don't like Eve, do you? Do you want an argument or an answer? +Do you want an argument or an answer? An answer. +An answer. No. +No. Why not? +Why not? Now you want an argument. +Now you want an argument. She works hard. +She works hard. Night an' day. +Night an' day. She's loyal and efficient- +She's loyal and efficient- Like an agent with one client. +Like an agent with one client. She thinks only for me... ... doesn't she? +She thinks only for me... ... doesn't she? Well... let's say she thinks only about you, anyway... +Well... let's say she thinks only about you, anyway... How do you mean that? +I'll tell you how. Like - let's see - like she was studyin' you, like you were a play or a book or a set of blueprints. How you walk, talk, think, eat, sleep- I'm sure that's very flattering, Birdie, and I'm sure there's nothing wrong with that! +You all put together? My back's open. Did the extra help get here? +My back's open. Did the extra help get here? There's some loose characters dressed like maids and butlers. Who'd you call - the William Morris Agency? +There's some loose characters dressed like maids and butlers. Who'd you call - the William Morris Agency? You're not being funny, I could get actors for less. What about the food? +You're not being funny, I could get actors for less. What about the food? The caterer had to back for hors d'oeuvres- Voila. +The caterer had to back for hors d'oeuvres- Voila. That French ventriloquist taught you a lot, didn't he? +That French ventriloquist taught you a lot, didn't he? There was nothing he didn't know. There's a message from the bartender. Does Miss Channing know we ordered domestic gin by mistake? +There was nothing he didn't know. There's a message from the bartender. Does Miss Channing know we ordered domestic gin by mistake? The only thing I ordered by mistake is the guests. They're domestic, too, and they don't care what they drink as long as it burns... where's Bill? He's late. +The only thing I ordered by mistake is the guests. They're domestic, too, and they don't care what they drink as long as it burns... where's Bill? He's late. Late for what? +Late for what? Don't be dense. The party. +Don't be dense. The party. I ain't dense. And he's been here twenty minutes. +I ain't dense. And he's been here twenty minutes. Well, I certainly think it's odd he hasn't even come up... +Who are you? Miss Harrington... +Miss Harrington... What are you doing here? +What are you doing here? I - I guess I fell asleep. +Please don't have me arrested, please! I didn't steal anything - you can search me! How did you get in here? +How did you get in here? I hid outside in the hall till the maid came to turn down your bed. She must've forgot something and when she went to get it, she left the door open. I sneaked in and hid till she finished. Then I just looked around - and pretty soon I was afraid somebody'd notice the lights were on so I turned them off - and then I guess, I fell asleep. +I hid outside in the hall till the maid came to turn down your bed. She must've forgot something and when she went to get it, she left the door open. I sneaked in and hid till she finished. Then I just looked around - and pretty soon I was afraid somebody'd notice the lights were on so I turned them off - and then I guess, I fell asleep. You were just looking around... +You were just looking around... That's all. +That's all. What for? +What for? You probably won't believe me. +You probably won't believe me. Probably not. +Probably not. It was for my report. +It was for my report. What report? To whom? +What report? To whom? About how you live, what kind of clothes you wear - what kind of perfume and books - things like that. You know the Eve Harrington clubs - that they've got in most of the girls' high schools? +About how you live, what kind of clothes you wear - what kind of perfume and books - things like that. You know the Eve Harrington clubs - that they've got in most of the girls' high schools? I've heard of them. +I've heard of them. Ours was one of the first. Erasmus Hall. I'm the president. +Ours was one of the first. Erasmus Hall. I'm the president. Erasmus Hall. That's in Brooklyn, isn't it? +Erasmus Hall. That's in Brooklyn, isn't it? Lots of actresses come from Brooklyn. Barbara Stanwyck, Susan Hayward - of course, they're just movie stars. +You're going to Hollywood - aren't you? From the trunks you're packing, you must be going to stay a long time. I might. +I might. That spilled drink is going to ruin your carper. +The maid'll fix it in the morning. I'll just pick up the broken glass. +I'll just pick up the broken glass. Don't bother. +How'd you get all the way up here from Brooklyn? Subway. +Subway. How long does it take? +How long does it take? With changing and everything, a little over an hour. +It's after one now. You won't get home till all hours. I don't care if I never get home. +That's the door. You rest. I'll get it... +So there you are. It seemed odd, suddenly, your not being there... Why should you think I wouldn't be? +Why should you think I wouldn't be? Why should you be? After all, six nights a week - for weeks - of watching even Margo Channing enter and leave a theater- +Why should you be? After all, six nights a week - for weeks - of watching even Margo Channing enter and leave a theater- I hope you don't mind my speaking to you... +I hope you don't mind my speaking to you... Not at all. +Not at all. I've seen you so often - it took every bit of courage I could raise- +I've seen you so often - it took every bit of courage I could raise- To speak to just a playwright's wife? I'm the lowest form of celebrity... +To speak to just a playwright's wife? I'm the lowest form of celebrity... You're Margo Channing's best friend. You and your husband are always with her - and Mr. Sampson... what's he like? +You're Margo Channing's best friend. You and your husband are always with her - and Mr. Sampson... what's he like? Bill Sampson? He's - he's a director. +Bill Sampson? He's - he's a director. He's the best. +He's the best. He'll agree with you. Tell me, what do you between the time Margo goes in and comes out? Just huddle in that doorway and wait? +He'll agree with you. Tell me, what do you between the time Margo goes in and comes out? Just huddle in that doorway and wait? Oh, no. I see the play. +Oh, no. I see the play. You see the play? You've seen the play every performance? But, don't you find it - I mean apart from everything else - don't you find it expensive? +You see the play? You've seen the play every performance? But, don't you find it - I mean apart from everything else - don't you find it expensive? Standing room doesn't cost much. I manage. +I'm going to take you to Margo... Oh, no... +Oh, no... She's got to meet you- +She's got to meet you- No, I'd be imposing on her, I'd be just another tongue-tied gushing fan... +There isn't another like you, there couldn't be- But if I'd known... maybe some other time... I mean, looking like this. +But if I'd known... maybe some other time... I mean, looking like this. You look just fine... ... by the way. What's your name? +You look just fine... ... by the way. What's your name? Eve. Eve Harrington. +I thought you'd forgotten about me. Not at all. Margo, this is Eve Harrington. +Hello, Miss Channing. My husband... +If I only knew how... Try... +Try... Well... +Eve... why don't you start at the beginning? It couldn't possibly interest you. +You're not going, are you? I think I'd better. It's been - well, I can hardly find the words to say how it's been... +Good night, Eve. I hope I see you again soon- I'll be at the old stand, tomorrow matinee- +I'll be at the old stand, tomorrow matinee- Not just that way. As a friend... +Not just that way. As a friend... I'd like that. +Now who's show up at this hour? It's time people went home - hold that coat up... ... whose is it? Some Hollywood movie star, her plane got in late. +Some Hollywood movie star, her plane got in late. Discouraging, isn't it? Women with furs like that where it never gets cold... +Discouraging, isn't it? Women with furs like that where it never gets cold... Hollywood. +Hollywood. Tell me, Eve - how are things with you? Happy? +There should be a new word for happiness. Being here with Miss Channing has been - I just can't say, she's been so wonderful, done so much for me- Lloyd says Margo compensates for underplaying on the stage by overplaying reality... ... next to that sable, my new mink seems like an old bedjacket... ... you've done your share, Eve. You've worked wonders with Margo... +Mrs. Richards. Karen. +Karen. Karen... ... isn't it awful, I'm about to ask you for another favor - after all you've already done. +Karen... ... isn't it awful, I'm about to ask you for another favor - after all you've already done. Nobody's done so much, Eve, you've got to stop thinking of yourself as one of the Hundred Neediest Cases... what is it? +Nobody's done so much, Eve, you've got to stop thinking of yourself as one of the Hundred Neediest Cases... what is it? Well... Miss Channing's affairs are in such good shape... there isn't enough to keep me as busy as I should be, really - not that I've ever considered anything that would take me away from her... but the other day - when I heard Mr. Fabian tell Miss Channing that her understudy was going to have a baby, and they'd have to replace her... +... you want to be Margo's new understudy. I don't let myself think about it, even- - but I do know the part so well, and every bit of the staging, there'd be no need to break in a new girl- - but suppose I had to go on one night? To an audience that came to see Margo Channing. No, I couldn't possibly... +I don't let myself think about it, even- - but I do know the part so well, and every bit of the staging, there'd be no need to break in a new girl- - but suppose I had to go on one night? To an audience that came to see Margo Channing. No, I couldn't possibly... Don't worry too much about that. Margo just doesn't miss performances. If she can walk, crawl or roll - she plays. +Don't worry too much about that. Margo just doesn't miss performances. If she can walk, crawl or roll - she plays. The show must go on. +The show must go on. No, dear. Margo must go on. As a matter of fact, I see no reason why you shouldn't be Margo's understudy... +No, dear. Margo must go on. As a matter of fact, I see no reason why you shouldn't be Margo's understudy... Do you think Miss Channing would approve? +Do you think Miss Channing would approve? I think she would cheer. +I think she would cheer. But Mr. Richards and Mr. Sampson- +But Mr. Richards and Mr. Sampson- They'll do as they're told. +Then - would you talk to Mr. Fabian about it? Of course. +Of course. You won't forget it? +You won't forget it? I won't forget. +I won't forget. I seem to be forever thanking you for something, don't I? +You mustn't mind Margo too much, even if I do... But there must be some reason, something I've done without knowing... +But there must be some reason, something I've done without knowing... The reason is Margo and don't try to figure it out. Einstein couldn't. +The reason is Margo and don't try to figure it out. Einstein couldn't. If I thought I'd offended her, of all people- +If I thought I'd offended her, of all people- Eve. I'm fond of Margo too. But I know Margo. And every now and then there is nothing I want to do so much as to kick her right square in the pants. +Eve. I'm fond of Margo too. But I know Margo. And every now and then there is nothing I want to do so much as to kick her right square in the pants. Well - if she's got to pick on someone, I'd just as soon it was me. +Karen... ... you won't forget, will you? What we talked about before? No, Eve, I won't forget... +May I have your coat? Don't bother, I can take it up myself... +Don't bother, I can take it up myself... Please... +Eve. I've heard the most wonderful things about your performance- Mostly relief that I managed to stagger through it at all... +We're having lunch with a movie talent scout. They certainly don't waste much time. +They certainly don't waste much time. Nothing definite yet - it's just to have lunch. +I was wondering whether you'd come at all.. Don't get up. And don't act as if I were the queen mother. +Don't get up. And don't act as if I were the queen mother. I don't expect you to be pleasant. +I don't expect you to be pleasant. I don't intend to be. +I don't intend to be. Can't we sit down? Just for a minute... +I've got a lot to say. And none of it is easy. There can't be very much- +There can't be very much- Oh, but there is- +Oh, but there is- - and easy or not, I won't believe a word. +- and easy or not, I won't believe a word. Why shouldn't you? Please sit down. +You know, I've always considered myself a very clever girl. Smart. Good head on my shoulders, that sort of thing, never the wrong word at the wrong time... but then, I'd never met Addison deWitt. I remember once I had a tooth pulled. They gave me some anaesthetic - I don't remember the name - and it affected me in a strange way. I heard myself saying things I wasn't even thinking... as if my mind were someplace outside of my body, and couldn't control what I did or said- - and you felt just like that talking to Addison. +- and you felt just like that talking to Addison. In a way. You find yourself trying to say what you mean, but somehow the words change - and they become his words - and suddenly you're not saying what you mean, but what he means- +In a way. You find yourself trying to say what you mean, but somehow the words change - and they become his words - and suddenly you're not saying what you mean, but what he means- Do you expect me to believe that you didn't say any of those things - that they were all Addison? +Do you expect me to believe that you didn't say any of those things - that they were all Addison? No! I don't expect you to believe anything. Except that the responsibility is mine. And the disgrace. +No! I don't expect you to believe anything. Except that the responsibility is mine. And the disgrace. Let's not get over-dramatic. +Let's not get over-dramatic. You've really got a low opinion of me, haven't you? We'll I'll give you some pleasant news. I've been told off in no uncertain terms all over town. Miss Channing should be happy to hear that. To know how loyal her friends are - how much more loyal they are than she had a right to expect me to be... +Eve... don't cry. I'm not crying. +I'm not crying. Tell me. How did your lunch turn out - with the man from Hollywood? +Tell me. How did your lunch turn out - with the man from Hollywood? Some vague promises of a test, that's all - if a particular part should come along, one of those things- +Some vague promises of a test, that's all - if a particular part should come along, one of those things- But the raves about your performance- +But the raves about your performance- - an understudy's performance. +- an understudy's performance. Well. I think you're painting the picture a little darker than it is, really. If nothing else - and don't underestimate him - you have a powerful friend in Addison. +Well. I think you're painting the picture a little darker than it is, really. If nothing else - and don't underestimate him - you have a powerful friend in Addison. He's not my friend. You were my friends... +He's not my friend. You were my friends... He can help you. +He can help you. I wish I'd never met him, I'd like him to be dead... I want my friends back. +Eve. I - I don't think you meant to cause unhappiness. But you did. More to yourself, perhaps - as it turned out - than to anyone else... I'll never get over it. +I'll never get over it. Yes, you will. You Theater people always do. Nothing is forever in the Theater. Love or hate, success or failure - whatever it is, it's here, it flares up and burns hot - and then it's gone. +Yes, you will. You Theater people always do. Nothing is forever in the Theater. Love or hate, success or failure - whatever it is, it's here, it flares up and burns hot - and then it's gone. I wish I could believe that. +I wish I could believe that. Give yourself time. Don't worry too much about what people think, you're very young and very talented... ... and, believe it or not, if there's anything I can do- +I think I know... Something most important you can do. +Something most important you can do. "You want to play ""Cora."" You want me to tell Lloyd I think you should play it." +"You want to play ""Cora."" You want me to tell Lloyd I think you should play it." If you told him so, he'd give me the part. He said he would. +If you told him so, he'd give me the part. He said he would. After all you've said... don't you know the part was written for Margo? +After all you've said... don't you know the part was written for Margo? It could have been - fifteen years ago. It's my part now. +It could have been - fifteen years ago. It's my part now. You talk just as Addison said you did. +You talk just as Addison said you did. """Cora"" is my part. You've got to tell Lloyd it's for me." +"""Cora"" is my part. You've got to tell Lloyd it's for me." I don't think anything in the world could make me say that. +Addison wants me to play it. Over my dead body... +Over my dead body... "That won't be necessary. Addison knows how Margo happen to miss that performance - how I happened to know she'd miss it in time to call him and notify every paper in town... ... it's quite a story. Addison could make quite a thing of it - imagine how snide and vicious he could get and still write nothing but the truth. I had a time persuading him... ... you'd better sit down. You look a bit wobbly. If I play ""Cora,"" Addison will never tell what happened - in or out of print. A simple exchange of favors. And I'm so happy I can do something for you - at long last... Your friendship with Margo - your deep, close friendship - what would happen to it, do you think, if she knew the chap trick you'd played on her - for my benefit? And you and Lloyd - how long, even in the Theater, before people forgot what happened - and trusted you again? No... it would be so much easier on everyone concerned, if I were to play ""Cora."" And so much better theater, too..." +A part in a play. You'd do all that - just for a part in a play. I'd do much more - for a part that good. +She knows enough not to be here. But not all of it - not that Lloyd and I are going to be married. +Congratulations, Eve. Thank you, Karen. +Hello, Miss Harrington. How do you do, Mr. Richards. +No, thank you. Yes. I've seen every performance. Every performance? Then - am I safe in assuming you like it? +Every performance? Then - am I safe in assuming you like it? I'd like anything Miss Channing played... +How'd hear about it? There was an item in the Times. i like the title. 'Footsteps on the Ceiling'. +There was an item in the Times. i like the title. 'Footsteps on the Ceiling'. Let's get back to this one. Have you really seen every performance? Why? I'm curious... +Well... it started with the play before this one... 'Remembrance'. +I guess it started back home. Wisconsin, that is. There was just mum, and dad - and me. I was the only child, and I made believe a lot when I was a kid - I acted out all sorts of things... what they were isn't important. But somehow acting and make-believe began to fill up my life more and more, it got so that I couldn't tell the real from the unreal except that the unreal seemed more real to me... I'm talking a lot of gibberish, aren't I? Not at all... +Not at all... Farmers were poor in those days, that's what dad was - a farmer. I had to help out. So I quit school and I went to Milwaukee. I became a secretary. In a brewery. When you're a secretary in a brewery - it's pretty hard to make believe you're anything else. Everything is beer. It wasn't much fun, but it helped at home - and there was a Little Theater Group... like a drop of rain in the desert. That's where I met Eddie. He was a radio technician. We played 'Liliom' for three performances, I was awful - then the war came, and we got married. Eddie was in the air force - and they sent him to the South Pacific. You were with the O.W.I., weren't you Mr. Richards? That's what 'Who's Who' says... well, with Eddie gone, my life went back to beer. Except for a letter a week. One week Eddie wrote he had a leave coming up. I'd saved my money and vacation time. I went to San Francisco to meet him. Eddie wasn't there. They forwarded the telegram from Milwaukee - the one that came from Washington to say that Eddie wasn't coming at all. That Eddie was dead... ... so I figured I'd stay in San Francisco. i was alone, but couldn't go back without Eddie. I found a job. And his insurance helped... and there were theaters in San Francisco. And one night Margo Channing came to play in 'Remembrance'... and I went to see it. And - well - here I am... +It's been a real pleasure, Eve. I hope so, Mr. Richards. Good night... +Back to Copacabana. But Eve. Margo, let me tell you about Eve- I was dreadful, Miss Channing, believe me - I have no right to be anyone's understudy, much less yours... +Please, don't misunderstand me, Mr. Richards. I think that part of Miss Channing's greatness lies in her ability to choose the best plays... your new play is for Miss Channing, isn't it, Mr. Richards? Of course it is. +Well. If I didn't come to see the play, I wouldn't have anywhere else to go. There are other plays... +There are other plays... Not with you in them. Not by Mr. Richards... +Did you see it here in New York? San Francisco. It was the last week. I went one night... the most important night in my life - until this one. Anyway... I found myself going the next night - and the next and the next. Every performance. Then, when the show went East - I went East. +No, don't go... The four of you must have so much to say to each other - with Mr. Sampson leaving... +Stick around. Please. Tell you what - we'll put Stanislavsky on his plane, you and I, then go somewhere and talk. Well - if I'm not in the way... +Well - if I'm not in the way... I won't be a minute. +What - again? I could watch you play that last scene a thousand times and cry every time- +I could watch you play that last scene a thousand times and cry every time- Performance number one thousand of this one - if I play it that long - will take place in a well-padded booby hatch... +I must say you can certainly tell Mr. Sampson's been gone a month. You certainly can. Especially if you're me between now and tomorrow morning... +You certainly can. Especially if you're me between now and tomorrow morning... I mean the performance. Except for you, you'd think he'd never even directed it - it's disgraceful the way they change everything around... +I mean the performance. Except for you, you'd think he'd never even directed it - it's disgraceful the way they change everything around... Well, teacher's away and actors will be actors... +Well, teacher's away and actors will be actors... During your second act scene with your father, Roger Ferraday's supposed to stay way upstage at the arch. He's been coming closer down every night... +During your second act scene with your father, Roger Ferraday's supposed to stay way upstage at the arch. He's been coming closer down every night... When he gets too close, I'll spit in his eye. +You haven't noticed my latest bit of interior decorating... Well, you've done so much... what's new? +Well, you've done so much... what's new? The curtains. I made them myself. +The curtains. I made them myself. They are lovely. Aren't they lovely, Birdie? +While you're cleaning up, I'll take this to the wardrobe mistress- Don't bother. Mrs. Brown'll be along for it in a minute. +Don't bother. Mrs. Brown'll be along for it in a minute. No trouble at all. +Well - what do you think of my elegant new suit? Very becoming. It looks better on you than it did on me. +Very becoming. It looks better on you than it did on me. I can imagine... you know, all it needed was some taking in here and letting out there - are you sure you won't want it yourself? +I can imagine... you know, all it needed was some taking in here and letting out there - are you sure you won't want it yourself? "Quite sure. I find it just a bit too - too ""Seventeenish"" for me..." +"Quite sure. I find it just a bit too - too ""Seventeenish"" for me..." Oh, come now, as though you were an old lady... I'm on my way. Is there anything more you've thought of-? +Oh, come now, as though you were an old lady... I'm on my way. Is there anything more you've thought of-? There's the script to go back to the Guild- +There's the script to go back to the Guild- I've got it. +I've got it. - and those checks or whatever it is for the income tax man. +- and those checks or whatever it is for the income tax man. Right here. +Right here. It seems I can't think of a thing you haven't thought of... +It seems I can't think of a thing you haven't thought of... That's my job. See you at tea time... +That's my job. See you at tea time... Eve... ... by any chance, did you place a call from me to Bill for midnight California time? +Eve... ... by any chance, did you place a call from me to Bill for midnight California time? Oh, golly. And I forgot to tell you- +Oh, golly. And I forgot to tell you- Yes, dear. You forgot all about it. +Yes, dear. You forgot all about it. Well, I was sure you'd want to, of course, being his birthday, and you've been so busy these past few days, and last night I meant to tell you before you went out with the Richards - and I guess I was asleep when you got home... +Well, I was sure you'd want to, of course, being his birthday, and you've been so busy these past few days, and last night I meant to tell you before you went out with the Richards - and I guess I was asleep when you got home... Yes, I guess you were. It - it was very thoughtful of you, Eve. +Yes, I guess you were. It - it was very thoughtful of you, Eve. Mr. Sampson's birthday. I certainly wouldn't forget that. You'd never forgive me. As a matter of fact, I sent him a telegram myself... +Don't get up. And please stop acting as if I were the queen mother. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- +If you'd like. I wouldn't like. +I'd like to hear it. Some snowy night in front of the fire... in the meantime, while we're on the subject, will you check about the hors d'oeuvres? The caterer forgot them, the varnish wasn't dry or something... +Some snowy night in front of the fire... in the meantime, while we're on the subject, will you check about the hors d'oeuvres? The caterer forgot them, the varnish wasn't dry or something... Of course. +The hors d'oeuvres are here. Is there anything else I can do? Thank you, Eve. I'd like a Martini - very dry. +Good evening, Mr. deWitt. I had no idea you knew each other. +Terribly sorry I'm late, lunch was long and I couldn't find a cab - where's Miss Caswell, shall we start? Oh, hello, Eve... Hello, Miss Channing. +Hello, Miss Channing. How are you making out in Mr. Fabian's office? I don't want you working the child too hard, Max - just because you promised. As you see, I kept my promise, too... +Miss Channing, I can't tell you how glad I am that you arrived so late. Really, Eve? Why? +Really, Eve? Why? Well, if you'd been here to begin with, I wouldn't have dared to read at all... +Well, if you'd been here to begin with, I wouldn't have dared to read at all... Why not? +Why not? ... and if you'd come in the middle, I'd have stopped, I couldn't have gone on- +... and if you'd come in the middle, I'd have stopped, I couldn't have gone on- What a pity, all that fire and music being turned off... +Hi. Hello, darling- "Hi. ""Well, now Mis' Channin', ah don't think you can rightly say we lost the wah, we was mo' stahved out, you might say - an' that's what ah don' unnerstand about all these plays about love-stahved Suth'n women - love is one thing we was nevah stahved for the South!""" +It's the tight girdle that does it. I find these wisecracks increasingly less funny! 'Aged in Wood' happens to be a fine and distinguished play- +Relax, kid. It's only me and my big mouth... It's just that you get me so mad sometimes... of all the women in the world with nothing to complain about- +It's just that you get me so mad sometimes... of all the women in the world with nothing to complain about- Ain't it the truth? +Ain't it the truth? Yes, it is! You're talented, famous, wealthy - people waiting around night after night just to see you, even in the wind and rain... +Yes, it is! You're talented, famous, wealthy - people waiting around night after night just to see you, even in the wind and rain... Autograph fiends! They're not people - those little beast who run in packs like coyotes- +Autograph fiends! They're not people - those little beast who run in packs like coyotes- They're your fans, your audience- +They're your fans, your audience- They're nobody's fans! They're juvenile delinquents, mental detectives, they're nobody's audience, they never see a play or a movie, even - they're never indoors long enough! +Well... there's one indoors now. I've brought her back to see you. You've what? +You've what? She's just outside the door. +She's just outside the door. The heave-ho. +Dear Birdie. Won't you sit down, Miss Worthington? Harrington. +Harrington. I'm so sorry... Harrington. Won't you sit down? +Would you like a drink? It's right beside you... I was telling Margo and Lloyd about how often you'd seen the play... +Margo, really... "Please don't play governess, Karen, I haven't your unyielding good taste, I wish I'd gone to Radcliffe too but father wouldn't hear of it - he needed help at the notions counter... I'm being rude now, aren't I? OR should I say ""ain't I""?" +Margo, nothing you've ever done has made me as happy as your taking Eve in... I'm so happy you're happy. +That little place just two hours form New York. It's on my list of things-I'll-never-understand. Like collecting shrunken Indian heads... Of all people you should know what it means to want some peace and quiet- +Of all people you should know what it means to want some peace and quiet- Peace and quit is for libraries. +How much time have we? Roughly ten minutes. +Roughly ten minutes. How far to the station? +How far to the station? Three or four miles... +Three or four miles... Any houses or farms around where we can borrow gas? +Any houses or farms around where we can borrow gas? None in sight, there aren't many along this back road... +None in sight, there aren't many along this back road... Not many car either, not much chance of a lift... +He always looks so pathetic whenever he does anything physical- It seems to me that walking, for most people, is not very dangerous. +It seems to me that walking, for most people, is not very dangerous. I just never think of Lloyd as anywhere but indoors and anything but sitting down. +I just never think of Lloyd as anywhere but indoors and anything but sitting down. Be brave. He'll come back - with or without gas. +Do you want it on? It doesn't matter. +It doesn't matter. I detest cheap sentiment. +Karen. I haven't been pleasant this weekend. We've all seemed a little tense lately... +We've all seemed a little tense lately... Come to think of it, I haven't been very pleasant for weeks. For that, I'm truly sorry. More than any two people I know, I don't want you and Lloyd to be angry with me... +Come to think of it, I haven't been very pleasant for weeks. For that, I'm truly sorry. More than any two people I know, I don't want you and Lloyd to be angry with me... We're never deeply angry, we just get sore. The way you do. We know you too well... +We're never deeply angry, we just get sore. The way you do. We know you too well... So many people - know me. I wish I did. I wish someone would tell be about me... +So many people - know me. I wish I did. I wish someone would tell be about me... You're Margo. Just - Margo. +You're Margo. Just - Margo. And what is that? Besides something spelled out in light bulbs, I mean. Besides something called temperament, which consists mostly of swooping about on a broomstick creaming at the top of my voice... infants behave the way I do, you know. They carry on and misbehave - they'd get drunk if they knew how - when they can't have what they want. When they feel unwanted and insecure - or unloved. +What about Bill? What about Bill? +What about Bill? He's in love with you. +He's in love with you. More than anything in this world, I love Bill. And I want Bill. I want him to want me. But me. Not Margo Channing. And if I can't tell they apart - how can he? +More than anything in this world, I love Bill. And I want Bill. I want him to want me. But me. Not Margo Channing. And if I can't tell they apart - how can he? Why should he - and why should you? +Why should he - and why should you? Bill's in love with Margo Channing. He's fought with her, worked with her, loved her... but ten years from now - Margo Channing will have ceased to exist. And what's left will be... what? +Bill's in love with Margo Channing. He's fought with her, worked with her, loved her... but ten years from now - Margo Channing will have ceased to exist. And what's left will be... what? Margo. Bill is all of eight years younger than you. +Margo. Bill is all of eight years younger than you. Those years stretch as the years go on. I've seen it happen too often. +Those years stretch as the years go on. I've seen it happen too often. Not to you. Not to Bill. +Not to you. Not to Bill. Isn't that what they always say? +I don't suppose the heater runs when the motor doesn't? Silly, isn't it? You'd think they'd fix it so people could just sit in a car and keep warm... +About Eve. I've acted pretty disgracefully toward her, too. Well... +Well... Let's not fumble for excuses, not here and now with my hair down. At best, let's say I've been oversensitive to... well, to the fact that she's so young - so feminine and helpless. To so many things I want to be for Bill... funny business, a woman's career. The things you drop on your way up the ladder, so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you go back to being a woman. That's one career all females have in common - whether we like it or not - being a woman. Sooner or later we've all got to work at it, no matter what other careers we've had or wanted... and, in the last analysis, nothing is any good unless you can look up just before dinner or turns around in bed - and there he is. Without that, you're not woman. You're something with a French provincial office or a book full of clippings - but you're not a woman... ... slow curtain. The end. +Margo. Margo, I want you to know how sorry I am about this... About what? +About what? This. I can't tell you how sorry I am! +This. I can't tell you how sorry I am! Don't give it another thought, one of destiny's many pranks. After all, you didn't personally drain the gasoline out of the tank... +"""... my hat which has, lo, these many seasons become more firmly rooted about my ears, is lifted to Miss Harrington. I am once more available for dancing in the streets and shouting from the housetops."" ... I thought that one went out with Woollcott... Down here... here, listen to this- ""... Miss Harrington had much to tell - and these columns shall report her faithfully - about the lamentable practice in our Theater of permitting, shall we say - mature - actresses to continue playing roles requiring a youth and vigor of which they retain but a dim memory-""" I just can't believe it. +I just can't believe it. "It get better! ""- About the understandable reluctance on the part of our entrenched First Ladies of the Stage to encourage, shall we say - younger - actresses; about Miss Harrington's own long and unsupported struggle for opportunity-""" +"It get better! ""- About the understandable reluctance on the part of our entrenched First Ladies of the Stage to encourage, shall we say - younger - actresses; about Miss Harrington's own long and unsupported struggle for opportunity-""" I can't believe Eve said those things! +In this rat race, everybody's guilty till they're proved innocent! One of the differences between the Theater and civilization... ... what gets me is how all of those papers in town happened to catch that particular performance! Lloyd says it's a publicity release... +Lloyd says it's a publicity release... The little witch must have had Indians runners out snatching critics out of bars, steam rooms and museums or wherever they hole up... well, she won't get away with it! Nor will Addison deWitt and his poison pen! If Equity or my lawyer can't or won't do anything about it, I will personally stuff that pathetic little lost lamb down Mr. deWitt's ugly throat... +Karen, in all the years of our friendship, I have never let you go to the Ladies' Room alone. But now I must. I am busting to know what goes on in that feverish little brain waiting there... Well... all right. +With tears? With tears. +With tears. But not right away? First the business of fighting them off, chin up, stout fella... +But not right away? First the business of fighting them off, chin up, stout fella... Check. +Check. Very classy stuff, lots of technique- +I remember. You'll be there, won't you. +How was the concert? Loud. +- 'at's my loyal little woman. The critics thought so, the audiences certainly think so - packed houses, tickets for months in advance - I can't see that either of Lloyd's last two plays have hurt you any! +The critics thought so, the audiences certainly think so - packed houses, tickets for months in advance - I can't see that either of Lloyd's last two plays have hurt you any! Easy, now... +You can't put her out, I promised... Margo, you've got to see her, she worships you, it's like something out of a book- That book is out of print, Karen, those days are gone. Fans no longer pull the carriage through the streets - they tear off clothes and steal wrist watches... +That book is out of print, Karen, those days are gone. Fans no longer pull the carriage through the streets - they tear off clothes and steal wrist watches... If you'd only see her, you're her whole life - you must have spotted her by now, she's always there... +Now let's not get into a big hassle- It's about time we did! It's about time Margo realized that what's attractive on stage need not necessarily be attractive off. +Coming? In a minute... +Lloyd, what happened...? Up to here! That's where I've got it - up to here! Of all the star ridden, presumptuous, hysterical- +Up to here! That's where I've got it - up to here! Of all the star ridden, presumptuous, hysterical- Margo, again... +Margo, again... And again and again! Two hours late for the audition, to begin with- +And again and again! Two hours late for the audition, to begin with- That's on time for Margo. +That's on time for Margo. Then a childish, heavy-handed routine about not knowing Eve was her understudy- +Then a childish, heavy-handed routine about not knowing Eve was her understudy- It's just possible she didn't... +It's just possible she didn't... Of course she knew! For one thing, Addison told her how superbly Eve had read the part-! Karen, let me tell you about Eve. She's got everything - a born actress. Sensitive, understanding, young, exciting, vibrant- +Of course she knew! For one thing, Addison told her how superbly Eve had read the part-! Karen, let me tell you about Eve. She's got everything - a born actress. Sensitive, understanding, young, exciting, vibrant- - don't run out of adjectives, dear. +- don't run out of adjectives, dear. - everything a playwright first thinks of wanting to write about... until his play becomes a vehicle for Miss Channing... +- everything a playwright first thinks of wanting to write about... until his play becomes a vehicle for Miss Channing... Margo hasn't done badly by it. +Margo hasn't done badly by it. Margo. Margo's great. She knows it. That's the trouble. She can play Peck's Bad Boy all she wants, and who's to stop her? Who's to give her that boot in the rear she needs and deserves? +It's going to be a cozy weekend. What is? +What is? We're driving out to the country tomorrow night. Just the four of us. Bill, Margo, you and I... +We're driving out to the country tomorrow night. Just the four of us. Bill, Margo, you and I... Well. We've spent weekends before with nobody talking... ... just be sure to lock up all blunt instruments and throwable objects... +What time is it? When you asked a minute ago it was five-forty-two. It is now five forty-three. When you ask a minute from no, it will be- +When you asked a minute ago it was five-forty-two. It is now five forty-three. When you ask a minute from no, it will be- I just don't want Margo to miss her train. As it is, she'll barely make the theater... +I just don't want Margo to miss her train. As it is, she'll barely make the theater... Five-fifty-five. We'll be at the station in plenty of time... +Lloyd, be careful... Just a little skid, that's all. This road's like glass. +But it can't be! We can't be out of gas! I filled it myself yesterday! Wasn't it full when you drove to Brewster this morning? I guess I didn't look. You know I don't pay attention to those things... +I guess I didn't look. You know I don't pay attention to those things... Incredible. +You'll break your neck on that ice. What a way to die - trying to get an actress to the theater in time. Tell Max I want to be buried with royalties... +What a way to die - trying to get an actress to the theater in time. Tell Max I want to be buried with royalties... Don't joke about such things. +- it's Addison, from start to finish, it drips with his brand of venom... taking advantage of a kid like that, twisting her words, making her say what he wanted her to say- Where'd you get all that information? +Where'd you get all that information? Eve. +Eve. Eve? +Eve? She's been to see me, as a matter of fact she left just before you came in - you just missed her... +She's been to see me, as a matter of fact she left just before you came in - you just missed her... That was a pity... +That was a pity... She wanted to explain about her interview, wanted to apologize to someone - and didn't dare face Margo... +She wanted to explain about her interview, wanted to apologize to someone - and didn't dare face Margo... I wonder why. +You know, I've been going over our financial condition - if you'll pardon the expression... That's quite a change of subject. +That's quite a change of subject. What with taxes coming up - and since I'm a playwright and not an oil well operator - well, I've been thinking... +What with taxes coming up - and since I'm a playwright and not an oil well operator - well, I've been thinking... I'm trying hard to follow you. +I'm trying hard to follow you. If - instead of waiting until next season to do 'Footsteps on the Ceiling', which is in pretty good shape - and if Margo can be talked into going on tour with 'Aged in Wood' - we could put 'Footsteps...' into production right away... +If - instead of waiting until next season to do 'Footsteps on the Ceiling', which is in pretty good shape - and if Margo can be talked into going on tour with 'Aged in Wood' - we could put 'Footsteps...' into production right away... I'm beginning to catch up. +I'm beginning to catch up. If we could cast it properly, that is... +If we could cast it properly, that is... Maybe get some younger actress for the part? Someone who'd look the part as well as play it? +Maybe get some younger actress for the part? Someone who'd look the part as well as play it? You've got to admit it would be a novelty. +You've got to admit it would be a novelty. Now you're quoting Addison. Or Eve. +"Eve did mention the play, you know. But just in passing - she's never ask to play a part like ""Cora,"" she'd never have the nerve..." Eve would ask Abbott to give her Costello. +Eve would ask Abbott to give her Costello. No, I got the idea myself - while she was talking to me... +No, I got the idea myself - while she was talking to me... With gestures, of course. +With gestures, of course. For once, to write something and have it realized completely. For once, not to compromise- +"Lloyd Richards, you are not to consider giving that contemptible little worm the part of ""Cora.""" Now just a minute- +Now just a minute- Margo Channing has not been exactly a compromise all these years, half the playwrights in the world would give their shirts for that particular compromise! +Margo Channing has not been exactly a compromise all these years, half the playwrights in the world would give their shirts for that particular compromise! Now just a minute! +Now just a minute! It strikes me that Eve's disloyalty and ingratitude must be contagious! +All this fuss and hysteria because an impulsive kid got carried away by excitement and the conniving of a professional manure slinger named deWitt! She apologized, didn't she? On her knees, I have no doubt! Very touching, very Academy-of-Dramatic Arts! +On her knees, I have no doubt! Very touching, very Academy-of-Dramatic Arts! That bitter cynicism of yours is something you've acquired since you left Radcliffe! +That bitter cynicism of yours is something you've acquired since you left Radcliffe! The cynicism you refer to, I acquired the day I discovered I was different from little boys! +Margo - and Bill - want us to meet them at the Cub Room tonight, after theater. For a bottle of wine. Margo in the Cub Room. I couldn't be more surprised if she'd said Grant's Tomb. +Margo in the Cub Room. I couldn't be more surprised if she'd said Grant's Tomb. I'm glad Bill's back. +I'm glad Bill's back. They'd die without each other. +Darling, I didn't promise Eve anything. Just said I thought she'd be fine for the part, but there were some practical difficulties... Such as? +Such as? You - for one. I told her you were set on Margo playing the part - and I certainly wouldn't make a change without your approval. +Well of all- Margo! +Three days, that's for the bourgeois - I see a midnight elopement, waking up a village person... What are you going to wear? +After all, maybe she just wants to apologize... I have no possible interest in anything she'd have to say. +- well? What happened? Nothing much. She apologized. +You mean - all this time - she'd done nothing but apologize? What'd you say? Not much. +What's so funny? Nothing... +Who is it? What's it all about? Did Miss Harrington tell you to call Mr. Richards? +I didn't think you would! It seems to me, Karen, that for some tine, now, you've been developing a deep unconcern for the feeling of human being in general- I'm a human being, I've got some! +I'm a human being, I've got some! - and for my feelings in particular! For my play, my career - and now for a frightened, hysterical girl on the eve of her first night in the Theater! +Have you forgotten about Eve? What she is, what she's done? Old wives' tales, born of envy and jealousy! And a phobia against truth! +Old wives' tales, born of envy and jealousy! And a phobia against truth! Then tell me this isn't true! That your concern for your play and career is one thing - and that poor frightened hysterical girl another - and that your concern for her has nothing to do with either your play or your career! +Honey chili had a point. You know, I can remember plays about women - even from the South - where it never even occurred to them whether they wanted to marry their fathers more than their brothers... That was way back... +That was way back... Within your time, buster. Lloyd, honey, be a playwright with guts. Write me one about a nice, normal woman who shoots her husband. +Would you, really? How sweet- I doubt very much that you'd like her in 'The Hairy Ape'. +How about calling it a night? And you pose as a playwright. A situation pregnant with possibilities - and all you can think of is everybody to go to sleep... +I like that girl. That quality of quiet graciousness... ... Among so many quiet qualities. +The general atmosphere is very Macbethish. What has or is about to happen? What is he talking about? +There you are, both of you. Max, Karen has decided it's time to go. Where is she? +Where is she? Up in the room. +Who's left out there? Too many. And you've got a new guest. A movie star from Hollywood. +Too many. And you've got a new guest. A movie star from Hollywood. Shucks. And my autograph book is at the cleaners. +You disapprove of me when I'm like this, don't you? Not exactly. Sometimes, though, I wish I understood you better. +Not exactly. Sometimes, though, I wish I understood you better. When you do, let me in on it. +When you do, let me in on it. I will. +How's the new one coming? The play? All right, I guess... +The play? All right, I guess... """Cora."" She's - still a girl of twenty?" +"""Cora."" She's - still a girl of twenty?" Twentyish. It isn't important. +Twentyish. It isn't important. Don't you think it's about time it became important? +Don't you think it's about time it became important? How do you mean? +How do you mean? Don't be evasive. +Don't be evasive. Margo, you haven't got any age. +Margo, you haven't got any age. Miss Channing is ageless. Spoken like a press agent. +Miss Channing is ageless. Spoken like a press agent. I know what I'm talking about, after all they're my plays... +I know what I'm talking about, after all they're my plays... Spoken like an author. Lloyd, I'm not twentyish. I am not thirtyish. Three months ago, I was forty years old. Forty. Four oh. That slipped out, I hadn't quite made up my mind to admit it. Now I feel as if I'd suddenly taken all my clothes off... +Spoken like an author. Lloyd, I'm not twentyish. I am not thirtyish. Three months ago, I was forty years old. Forty. Four oh. That slipped out, I hadn't quite made up my mind to admit it. Now I feel as if I'd suddenly taken all my clothes off... Week after week, to thousands of people, you're as young as you want... +Week after week, to thousands of people, you're as young as you want... ... as young as they want, you mean. And I'm not interested in whether thousands of people think I'm six or six hundred- +... as young as they want, you mean. And I'm not interested in whether thousands of people think I'm six or six hundred- "Just one person. Isn't that so? You know what this is all about, don't you? It has very little to do with whether you should play ""Cora"" - it has everything to do with the fact that you've had another fight with Bill." +She's your understudy. Eve? Eve, my understudy? But I had no idea... +Eve? Eve, my understudy? But I had no idea... I thought you knew... She was put on over a week ago- +I thought you knew... She was put on over a week ago- It seems almost inconceivable that I haven't seen her backstage, but with so many people loitering around... well, well. So Eve is not working for Max after all- - Max you sly puss. +I'm sure you underestimate yourself, Eve. You always do. You were about to tell me about Eve... You'd have been proud of her. +You'd have been proud of her. I'm sure. +I'm sure. She was a revelation... +She was a revelation... To you, too? +To you, too? What do you mean? +What do you mean? I mean, among other things, that it must have been a revelation to have your twenty-four-year-old character played by twenty-four-year-old actress... +I mean, among other things, that it must have been a revelation to have your twenty-four-year-old character played by twenty-four-year-old actress... That's beside the point. +That's beside the point. It's right to the point. Also that it must have sounded so new and fresh to you - so exciting to have the lines read as you wrote them! +You've been talking to that venomous fishwife, Addison deWitt- - in this case, apparently, as trustworthy as the World Almanac! +- in this case, apparently, as trustworthy as the World Almanac! You knew when you came in that the audition was over, that Eve was your understudy! Playing that childish game of cat and mouse... +You knew when you came in that the audition was over, that Eve was your understudy! Playing that childish game of cat and mouse... Not mouse, never mouse! If anything - rat! +Not mouse, never mouse! If anything - rat! You have a genius for making barroom brawl out of a perfectly innocent misunderstanding at most! +You have a genius for making barroom brawl out of a perfectly innocent misunderstanding at most! Perfectly innocent! Man have been hanged for less! I'm lied to, attacked behind my back, accused of reading your silly dialogue inaccurately - as if it were Holy Gospel! +Perfectly innocent! Man have been hanged for less! I'm lied to, attacked behind my back, accused of reading your silly dialogue inaccurately - as if it were Holy Gospel! I never said it was! +I never said it was! Then you listened as if someone else had written you play - whom did you have in mind? Sherwood? Arthur Miller? Beaumont and Fletcher? +I shall never understand the weird process by which a body with a voice suddenly fancies itself a mind! Just when exactly does an actress decide they're her words she's saying and her thoughts she's expressing? Usually at the point when she's got to rewrite and rethink them to keep the audience from leaving the theater! +Usually at the point when she's got to rewrite and rethink them to keep the audience from leaving the theater! It's about time the piano realized it has not written the concerto! +Karen and I just don't want an accident- I have no intention of having an accident! +I have no intention of having an accident! It's not important whether you do. We are wearing long underwear. +How fortunate that I have an understudy so ready, so willing and so able to go on. The audience will want its money refunded, believe me. +The audience will want its money refunded, believe me. Thank you, Lloyd. Godspeed. +It's been quite a night. I understand that your understudy - Miss Harrington - has given her notice. Too bad. +Yes, sir. City Hall, that's for prize fighters, and reporters - I see a cathedral, a bishop, banks of flowers... +Very discreet. A note right out in the open like that. Next time tell your lover to blow smoke rings - or tap a glass... Lloyd, I want you to be big about this... the world is full of love tonight, no woman is safe... +... and Bill. Especially Bill. Eve did that, too. You know, she probably means well, after all... +You know, she probably means well, after all... She is a louse. +That depends. I mean really, deeply angry... +I mean really, deeply angry... I don't think I could be. +I don't think I could be. "Well. I don't want to play ""Cora.""" +Now wait a minute, you're always so touchy about his plays, it isn't the part - it's a great part. And a fine play. But not for me anymore - not a foursquare, upright, downright, forthright married lady. What's your being married got to do with it? +What's your being married got to do with it? It means I've finally got a life to live! I don't have to play parts I'm too old for - just because I've got nothing to do with my nights! I know you've made plans. I'll make it up to you, believe me. I'll tour a year with this one, anything - only you do understand - don't you, Lloyd? +Hello.. We are ready with your call to Beverly Hills... +We are ready with your call to Beverly Hills... Call, what call? +Call, what call? It this Templeton 89970? Miss Margo Channing? +It this Templeton 89970? Miss Margo Channing? That's right, but I don't understand- +That's right, but I don't understand- We are ready with the call you placed for 12 midnight, California time, to Mr. William Sampson in Beverly Hills... +We are ready with the call you placed for 12 midnight, California time, to Mr. William Sampson in Beverly Hills... I placed...? +I placed...? Go ahead, please... +"""Liebestraum.""" I just played it. +I just played it. Play it again. +Play it again. But that was the fourth straight time. +But that was the fourth straight time. Then this will be five. I suppose you think I'm too drunk to count. +Then this will be five. I suppose you think I'm too drunk to count. "No. You're just crazy about ""Liebestraum.""" +"No. You're just crazy about ""Liebestraum.""" """Liebestraum.""" +"""Liebestraum.""" Look, Miss Channing... it's kind of depressing. If you don't mind my saying so, everybody's kind of dying on the vine... +Look, Miss Channing... it's kind of depressing. If you don't mind my saying so, everybody's kind of dying on the vine... "My dear Horowitz. In the first place, I'm paying you union scale. Second, it's my piano. Third, if everybody doesn't like kind of dying on the vine, they can get off the vine and go home. ""Liebestraum.""" +Make it Bergdorf Goodman... and now everything is on its proper shelf, eh, Max? Done up in little ribbons. I could die right now and nobody'd be confused. How about you, Max? How about me what? +Supposed you dropped dead. What about your inventory? I ain't gonna die. Not with a hit. +Margo. You by any chance got bicarbonate of soda in the house? Poor Max. Heartburn? It's that Miss Caswell. I don't know why she doesn't give Addison heartburn. +Let the rest of the world beat their brains out for a buck. It's friends that count. And I got friends. I love you, Max. I really mean it. I love you. Come to the pantry. +Here you are, Maxie dear. One good burp and you'll be rid of that Miss Caswell... The situation I'm in ain't the kind you can belch your way out. I made a promise... +The situation I'm in ain't the kind you can belch your way out. I made a promise... Miss Caswell? What? +Miss Caswell? What? An audition for the part we're replacing. What's-her-name, your sister... +Well, if she can act, she might not be bad. She looks like she might burn down a plantation... I feel right now like there's one burning in me. +I feel right now like there's one burning in me. When's the audition? +When's the audition? A couple of weeks. +A couple of weeks. I tell you what. Why don't I read with her? +I tell you what. Why don't I read with her? Would you? +Would you? Anything to help you out, Max. +Anything to help you out, Max. This is real cooperation. I appreciate it. +This is real cooperation. I appreciate it. Not at all. And you could do me a big favor, if you would- +Not at all. And you could do me a big favor, if you would- All you got to do is name it. +All you got to do is name it. Give Eve Harrington job in you office. +You get quick action, don't you? Margo, I wouldn't think of taking that girl away from you... +Margo, I wouldn't think of taking that girl away from you... You said yourself my inventory was in good shape - all of my merchandise put away. To keep her here with nothing to do - I'd be standing in her way... and you need her, Max. +You said yourself my inventory was in good shape - all of my merchandise put away. To keep her here with nothing to do - I'd be standing in her way... and you need her, Max. But what could she do? +But what could she do? She'd be a great help - read scripts, interview people you have to see, get rid of the ones you don't have to... you'd be a man of leisure- +She'd be a great help - read scripts, interview people you have to see, get rid of the ones you don't have to... you'd be a man of leisure- Well... +Well... Think of your health, Max - more time to relax out in the fresh air at a race track... +Think of your health, Max - more time to relax out in the fresh air at a race track... I don't know if this would be a wise move... +I don't know if this would be a wise move... Promise. +Promise. I promise. +I promise. That's my Max. +This is for lawyers to talk about, this concerns a run-of-the-play contract, and this you can't rewrite or ad lib! Are you threatening me with legal action, Mr. Fabian? +Are you threatening me with legal action, Mr. Fabian? Are you breaking the contract? +Are you breaking the contract? Answer my question! +Answer my question! Who am I to threaten? I'm a dying man. +Who am I to threaten? I'm a dying man. I didn't hear you. +I didn't hear you. I said I'm a dying man! +I said I'm a dying man! Not until the last drugstore has sold its last pill! +What the hell were you doing rewriting my story-- --I sure couldn't hurt it, could I?-- +--I sure couldn't hurt it, could I?-- --it was fine the way it was-- +--it was fine the way it was-- --it was bullshit the way it was-- +--it was bullshit the way it was-- --I have to stand here and listen to the staff correspondent from Virginia?-- +--I have to stand here and listen to the staff correspondent from Virginia?-- --what have you been here, nine months?--I been in this business since I was sixteen-- +--what have you been here, nine months?--I been in this business since I was sixteen-- --and you've had some fucking meteoric rise, that's for sure--by the time you turn forty you might be the head of the Montana bureau-- +--and you've had some fucking meteoric rise, that's for sure--by the time you turn forty you might be the head of the Montana bureau-- --you only got the job because both you and Bradlee went to Yale-- +--you only got the job because both you and Bradlee went to Yale-- --Bradlee went to Harvard-- +--Bradlee went to Harvard-- --they're all the same, all those Ivy League places--they teach you about striped ties and suddenly you're smart-- +--they're all the same, all those Ivy League places--they teach you about striped ties and suddenly you're smart-- --I'm smart enough to know my story was solid-- +--I'm smart enough to know my story was solid-- --mine's better-- +--mine's better-- --no way-- +--no way-- --read 'em both and you'll see-- +What is it about my writing that's so rotten? Mainly it has to do with your choice of words. +Carl? Yeah? +Yeah? Fuck you, Carl. +You heard? They put us both on the break-in thing. Simons liked the way we worked together. Listen, I'm sorry I said your story was bullshit. It's OK; I'm sorry I called you a failure. +It's OK; I'm sorry I called you a failure. Forget it, the main thing-- --did you call me a failure? +Forget it, the main thing-- --did you call me a failure? I was sure trying. +All right, what do we know? Let me lay a little theory on you-- +Let me lay a little theory on you-- --I'm not interested in theory. What do we know? For example, Hunt's disappeared. +--I'm not interested in theory. What do we know? For example, Hunt's disappeared. Well, Barker tried to get blueprints of the Miami Convention Center and the air-conditioning system. +Well, Barker tried to get blueprints of the Miami Convention Center and the air-conditioning system. And McCord was carrying an application for college press credentials for the Democratic convention. The Times has got to be full of it-- it can't be crazy Cubans. +And McCord was carrying an application for college press credentials for the Democratic convention. The Times has got to be full of it-- it can't be crazy Cubans. What, though? It can't be the Republicans--he'd never allow something as stupid as this, not when he's gonna slaughter McGovern anyway. +What, though? It can't be the Republicans--he'd never allow something as stupid as this, not when he's gonna slaughter McGovern anyway. Right. Nixon didn't get where he got by being dumb-- --listen, that was a Watergate question-- +Hey? Hmm. +Hmm. What do you think he meant, this particular incident? Were there others? How would we find out? You know anyone important? +What do you think he meant, this particular incident? Were there others? How would we find out? You know anyone important? I lived here all my life, I got a million contacts, but they're all bus boys and bellhops. +--what do you think?-- --Hunt doesn't seem like your ordinary consultant. +--Hunt doesn't seem like your ordinary consultant. Maybe a political operative of some sort-- +Maybe a political operative of some sort-- --a spy, you mean? +--a spy, you mean? It makes sense; Hunt worked for the C.I.A. and the White House was paranoid about Teddy Kennedy. +You think they are confidential? I don't know anything about how this town works, I haven't lived here a year yet. We need a sympathetic face. +July of '71. About the past year. +That was fun. What now? I met a Presidential aide once at a social occasion. +I met a Presidential aide once at a social occasion. And you haven't called him?-- +What's that? The fucking New York Times. +Goddamnit-- --see?-- +--see?-- --I'm trying-- +--I'm trying-- --fifteen phone calls-- +--fifteen phone calls-- ---fifteen or more phone calls from the burglars in Miami to Gordon Liddy at CREEP-- +---fifteen or more phone calls from the burglars in Miami to Gordon Liddy at CREEP-- Why didn't we get that? +Why didn't we get that? Christ, and I even know somebody at the phone company-- +Christ, and I even know somebody at the phone company-- --you do?--with access to records? +See her? Get anything? For the paper, no; for us, plenty. I waited a long time and finally this big guy--I guess a bodyguard-- he left and I knocked and she remembered me, we talked awhile. +For the paper, no; for us, plenty. I waited a long time and finally this big guy--I guess a bodyguard-- he left and I knocked and she remembered me, we talked awhile. And?--And?-- +And?--And?-- --she was panicked, Carl--every time I mentioned Watergate, you could tell. +--she was panicked, Carl--every time I mentioned Watergate, you could tell. Were you eyebrow reading? +Were you eyebrow reading? It was there. I just don't get it; a CREEP secretary being scared, that's one thing. But what does the wife of one of the most powerful men in America have to be afraid of...? +Who's first? Alphabetically, on the CREEP phone list, Miss Helen Abbott of South George Street. +I don't get it... this really was my turf... You're not a kid anymore. +You're not a kid anymore. "My first day as a copy boy I was sixteen and wearing my only grown-up suit--it was cream colored. At 2:30 the head copy boy comes running up to me and says, ""My God, haven't you washed the carbon paper yet? If it's not washed by three, it'll never by dry for tomorrow."" And I said, ""Am I supposed to do that?"" and he said, ""Absolutely, it's crucial."" So I run around and grab all the carbon paper from all the desks and take it to the men's room. I'm standing there washing it and it's splashing all over me and the editor comes in to take a leak, and he says, ""What the fuck do you think you're doing?"" And I said, ""It's 2:30. I'm washing the carbon paper."" Just wanted you to know I've done dumber things than get us lost, that's all." +This is terrific work, if you like rejection. I never scared anyone before. +I never scared anyone before. It's not us, they were scared before we got there. What do we know? +It's not us, they were scared before we got there. What do we know? Facts or theory? +Facts or theory? Anything you've got. +Anything you've got. We know there's got to be something or they wouldn't be so panicked. +We know there's got to be something or they wouldn't be so panicked. And that something's got to be more than just Hunt, Liddy, and the five burglars--those indictments are gonna be bullshit when they come down. What else do we know? +And that something's got to be more than just Hunt, Liddy, and the five burglars--those indictments are gonna be bullshit when they come down. What else do we know? I just wish we knew when someone would talk to us, that's all. +We never reveal our sources, which is why you can talk to us. It's safe, try it, you'll see. +We understand your problem-- --you believe in the President, you wouldn't ever want to do anything disloyal. +--you believe in the President, you wouldn't ever want to do anything disloyal. We appreciate your position--really. +I hate both parties. And I'm a Republican. +Republican? Sure. +Sure. Who'd you vote for? +Who'd you vote for? When? +When? '68. +'68. Nixon. +Did he just say what I think he said? You voted for him. +I couldn't believe what she told me. Eight cups of coffee worth. Go on, go on-- +Go on, go on-- --we've got to find out who the five guys are--the five with access to the slush fund--they were aware of the break-in. +--we've got to find out who the five guys are--the five with access to the slush fund--they were aware of the break-in. Then tomorrow's grand jury indictments will just be bullshit. +Then tomorrow's grand jury indictments will just be bullshit. It goes very high--we've got to find out where-- +It goes very high--we've got to find out where-- --we will-- +--we will-- --she was really paranoid, the bookkeeper. +--she was really paranoid, the bookkeeper. That happens to people. OK, go on. +How do you want to handle Sloan? You mean, who's going to play the mean M.P. and who's going to be the nice one? Whichever. +You mean, who's going to play the mean M.P. and who's going to be the nice one? Whichever. He's another Ivy Leaguer so he'll probably expect you to be understanding--might surprise him if you're not. +He's another Ivy Leaguer so he'll probably expect you to be understanding--might surprise him if you're not. You want me to be the bastard. +You want me to be the bastard. And I'll just shitkick in my usual way. +Think Sloan's back? What's wrong? Nothing--I just found out that Jeb Magruder from CREEP is a bigger bike freak than I am. I never like it when the other guy's human... +--there had to be a White House overseer-- --Colson. +Look--five men controlled that slush fund as CREEP--three of them we've got, Mitchell, Stans, Magruder, and we're pretty sure of Kalmbach. We'd like to wait til we have all five before we print it. +--The L.A. Times has a huge interview with Baldwin-- --the lookout in the Motor Inn?-- --he say anything we don't know?-- +--the lookout in the Motor Inn?-- --he say anything we don't know?-- --just that a lot of reports were sent to CREEP, but he doesn't name who, not here anyway-- +Goddamnit-- --shit-- +--shit-- --we gotta top the Times-- +--we gotta top the Times-- --I know, I know-- +--I know, I know-- --if we could name the guys got the reports, we'd be ahead again-- +--if we could name the guys got the reports, we'd be ahead again-- --shit, who do we know?-- +--shit, who do we know?-- --I know a lawyer at Justice-- +--I know a lawyer at Justice-- --has he got an ax?-- +--has he got an ax?-- --almost every source we've used has been Republican, this guy's a card- carrying Democrat. +--almost every source we've used has been Republican, this guy's a card- carrying Democrat. Then he's got an ax. Call him anyway. +--I want you to shut up and listen to me-- --I haven't said anything-- +--I haven't said anything-- --for the first time I'm beginning to feel like a fucking reporter-- Woodward, I got a tip. A guy called me up with a tip-- --someone named Donald Segretti contacted a bunch of lawyers and asked them if they'd like to go to work with him screwing up the Democrats, dirty tricks, shit like that. The FBI knows about Segretti-- Howard Hunt made a bunch of phone calls to him--they interrogated him, but on account of Segretti wasn't involved with the break-in, they didn't follow through. But Segretti did a lot of traveling--he called these lawyers from different places, and he told them the Republicans knew what he was doing. +--for the first time I'm beginning to feel like a fucking reporter-- Woodward, I got a tip. A guy called me up with a tip-- --someone named Donald Segretti contacted a bunch of lawyers and asked them if they'd like to go to work with him screwing up the Democrats, dirty tricks, shit like that. The FBI knows about Segretti-- Howard Hunt made a bunch of phone calls to him--they interrogated him, but on account of Segretti wasn't involved with the break-in, they didn't follow through. But Segretti did a lot of traveling--he called these lawyers from different places, and he told them the Republicans knew what he was doing. How high up, which Republicans? +How high up, which Republicans? That's what we've got to find out, but Segretti went to Southern Cal. and so did a bunch of Nixon men-- +That's what we've got to find out, but Segretti went to Southern Cal. and so did a bunch of Nixon men-- --Haldeman I know, who else? +--Haldeman I know, who else? Dwight Chapin, Nixon's appointments chief--he knew Segretti in school. Maybe I'm crazy, but this is the first time any of this starts to make sense. What were the three theories? +Dwight Chapin, Nixon's appointments chief--he knew Segretti in school. Maybe I'm crazy, but this is the first time any of this starts to make sense. What were the three theories? The burglary was done by Cubans or Democrats or Republicans. +The burglary was done by Cubans or Democrats or Republicans. Now the reason no one believed the Republicans is because there wasn't any reason, they were so far ahead. But Segretti was talking to these other lawyers a year before the break- in. +Now the reason no one believed the Republicans is because there wasn't any reason, they were so far ahead. But Segretti was talking to these other lawyers a year before the break- in. So maybe Watergate wasn't really about Watergate--maybe that was just a piece-- +So maybe Watergate wasn't really about Watergate--maybe that was just a piece-- --because a year before, the Republicans weren't ahead, not in the polls, Muskie was running ahead of Nixon then. Before he self- destructed. +--because a year before, the Republicans weren't ahead, not in the polls, Muskie was running ahead of Nixon then. Before he self- destructed. If he self-destructed. +Segretti criss-crossed the country over ten times in six months--and never stayed anyplace over a night or two. Switch to another station, huh? You're driving me crazy with that. "Segovia begged me for me secret but I said, ""No, Andres, you'll have to try and make it without me.""" +California, Illinois, Florida, New Hampshire--all the major Democratic primary states. Why does everything you play sound the same? --'cause I only know four chords-- +What would you have done? You asking would I have been one of the President's men? I would have been. +You think we're being set up?--Christ, Deep Throat tells you last night that the letter came from inside the White House and up traipses Marilyn naming names. It makes a crazy kind of sense-- remember that initiation rite they have at the White House? Each new member of the President's staff has to prove his guts by getting an enemy of Nixon. +It makes a crazy kind of sense-- remember that initiation rite they have at the White House? Each new member of the President's staff has to prove his guts by getting an enemy of Nixon. You think this was Clawsen's initiation? +You think this was Clawsen's initiation? Could have won him a fraternity paddle with a White House seal. God knows it worked. +He'll give us a sworn statement. We're inside the White House now. +--That cash fund that financed the sabotaging of the Democrats--five guys had control-- --Mitchell, Stans, Magruder, Kalmbach-- +--Mitchell, Stans, Magruder, Kalmbach-- --we're working on the last guy now and we're going all the way--that fifth man was Haldeman. +I think that's him. Who? +Who? Haldeman. +Nah. Maybe. What if I went up and introduced myself--think he'd slug me? +What if I went up and introduced myself--think he'd slug me? Well, we are trying to ruin his life. +Well, we are trying to ruin his life. It's nothing personal, though. +It's nothing personal, though. What's the matter? +What's the matter? Same as Magruder, I don't like it when they turn out to be human. +Same as Magruder, I don't like it when they turn out to be human. I wish we were investigating Attila the Hun. +I wish we were investigating Attila the Hun. Maybe we are... +--Jesus-- --he said John Haldeman, not Bob Haldeman-- +--Sloan told the Grand Jury--he answered everything they asked him-- that means there's a record somewhere-- --and the FBI confirms--what more do you need?-- +How many fucking sources they think we got?-- --Deep Throat won't confirm--I never thought he was scared of anyone, but he's scared of Haldeman. +--Deep Throat won't confirm--I never thought he was scared of anyone, but he's scared of Haldeman. I know a guy in the Justice Department who was around the Grand Jury. +I know a guy in the Justice Department who was around the Grand Jury. --We got twenty minutes to deadline-- +Woodward? Hmm? +Hmm? What was the mistake? Do you think it's been rigged, all along the way, leading us on so they could slip it to us when it mattered? They couldn't have set us up better; after all these months our credibility's gone, you know what that means? +What was the mistake? Do you think it's been rigged, all along the way, leading us on so they could slip it to us when it mattered? They couldn't have set us up better; after all these months our credibility's gone, you know what that means? Only everything... +You overslept? Goddamnit!-- +I finally got through to Sloan--it was all a misunderstanding that we had: he would have told the Grand Jury about Haldeman, he was ready to, only nobody on the Grand Jury asked him the goddamn question. So I guess you could say that we screwed up, but we weren't wrong. +What does it say? John N. Mitchell, while serving as US Attorney General, personally controlled a secret cash fund that-- +John N. Mitchell, while serving as US Attorney General, personally controlled a secret cash fund that-- --jeeeeeeesus-- +--jeeeeeeesus-- --fund that was used to gather information against the Democrats-- +--fund that was used to gather information against the Democrats-- --jeeeeeeesus-- +--jeeeeeeesus-- --according to sources involved in the Watergate investigation. Beginning in the spring of 1971-- +--according to sources involved in the Watergate investigation. Beginning in the spring of 1971-- --jeeeeeeesus-- +--jeeeeeeesus-- --almost a year before he left the Justice Department-- +--almost a year before he left the Justice Department-- --jeeeeeeeeesus-- +--jeeeeeeeeesus-- --to become President Nixon's campaign manager on March 1, Mitchell personally approved withdrawals from the fund-- +--to become President Nixon's campaign manager on March 1, Mitchell personally approved withdrawals from the fund-- --all that crap, you're putting it in the paper? It's all been denied. You tell your publisher--tell Katie Graham she's gonna get her tit caught in a big fat wringer if that's published. Good Christ! That's the most sickening thing I ever heard. +--all that crap, you're putting it in the paper? It's all been denied. You tell your publisher--tell Katie Graham she's gonna get her tit caught in a big fat wringer if that's published. Good Christ! That's the most sickening thing I ever heard. Sir, I'd like to ask you a few-- +Sir, I'd like to ask you a few-- --what time is it? +--what time is it? 11:30. +11:30. Morning or night? +Morning or night? Night. +Night. Oh. +Look, you've been jerking my chain all day. If there's some reason you can't talk to me--like the fact that you've already leaked everything to The New York Times--just say so. Listen, I've got a dinner--can't we do this tomorrow? +Listen, I've got a dinner--can't we do this tomorrow? I'm on deadline. +You want Barker's phone stuff or his money stuff? Whatever. +I'll never get out of here in time. The telephone calls... we know about that. +The telephone calls... we know about that. The rest is Barker's bank records. It's mostly the eighty-nine thousand in Mexican cashier's checks-- +The rest is Barker's bank records. It's mostly the eighty-nine thousand in Mexican cashier's checks-- --yeah, that was in The Times this morning. +I never could figure just who this Dahlberg was. Think it might be anything? This? Naw... +Sorry. Now if it was Hunt you were interested in-- --Howard Hunt? +--Howard Hunt? Sure. Him I liked, he was a very nice person. Secretive too, traveled all over, but a decent man. +Sure. Him I liked, he was a very nice person. Secretive too, traveled all over, but a decent man. Any idea what he did? +Any idea what he did? Oh, the scuttlebutt for awhile was he was investigating Kennedy-- +Oh, the scuttlebutt for awhile was he was investigating Kennedy-- --Teddy Kennedy? +--Teddy Kennedy? Sure. I remember seeing a book about Chappaquiddick on his desk and he was always getting material out of the White House Library and the Library of Congress and-- +Hi, it's me. I'm still here. I'm so glad. +I'm so glad. I'd really like to see Mr. Dardis. +I'd really like to see Mr. Dardis. And you will. But not now. +And you will. But not now. I called him from Washington. He's the one who asked me to be here at eleven in the morning. +I called him from Washington. He's the one who asked me to be here at eleven in the morning. I told you, he had to go out on a case. +Could you reach Mr. Dardis by car radio? He is not in the car. Sorry. +Mr. Dardis does call in every so often? Well of course. +Well of course. Good. Just tell him I was here, that I'm sorry I missed him-- +Donald Segretti? That's right. +I'm Carl Bernstein. My paper sent me out to see if I couldn't persuade you to go on the record. You can't. +You can't. Mind if I try? +According to what we've been able to verify, you've been busy. I've got a lot of energy. +I've got a lot of energy. Listen--we know you're involved in this--we're going to get the story, why not help? +Listen--we know you're involved in this--we're going to get the story, why not help? They never told me anything except my own role--I had to find out the rest in the papers. +They never told me anything except my own role--I had to find out the rest in the papers. "By ""they"" you mean...?" +"By ""they"" you mean the White House, don't you? Your buddy from USC, Dwight Chapin-- he works for the White House." I know where Dwight works. +I know where Dwight works. When did he hire you? +Do you feel much about the things you did? I didn't do anything wrong. +I didn't do anything wrong. Tell that to Muskie. +Tell that to Muskie. Oh, maybe nickel and dime stuff. +Oh, maybe nickel and dime stuff. During the Florida primary, you wrote a letter on Muskie stationery saying Scoop Jackson had a bastard child. You wrote another that said Hubert Humphrey was out with call girls. +During the Florida primary, you wrote a letter on Muskie stationery saying Scoop Jackson had a bastard child. You wrote another that said Hubert Humphrey was out with call girls. Sometimes it got up to a quarter maybe-- --off the record. +Sometimes it got up to a quarter maybe-- --off the record. You wrote the Canuck letter--the one where you claimed Muskie slurred the Canadians. +You wrote the Canuck letter--the one where you claimed Muskie slurred the Canadians. I didn't. +I didn't. But you know who did. +But you know who did. When you guys print it in the paper, then I'll know. I'm a lawyer, and I'll probably go to jail, and be disbarred, and what did I do that was so awful? +None of it was my idea, Carl--I didn't go looking for the job. Chapin did contact you then? +Chapin did contact you then? Sure--off the record. +Sure--off the record. On the orders of Haldeman? +On the orders of Haldeman? I don't know anything about Haldeman, except, Dwight's frightened of him-- everybody's frightened of him--Christ, I wish I'd never gotten messed around with this--all I wanna do is sit in the sun; sit, swim, see some girls. +I don't know anything about Haldeman, except, Dwight's frightened of him-- everybody's frightened of him--Christ, I wish I'd never gotten messed around with this--all I wanna do is sit in the sun; sit, swim, see some girls. It gets interesting if it was Haldeman, because our word is that when Chapin says something, he's gotten the OK from Haldeman, and when Haldeman says something, he's gotten the OK from the President. +It gets interesting if it was Haldeman, because our word is that when Chapin says something, he's gotten the OK from Haldeman, and when Haldeman says something, he's gotten the OK from the President. Can't help you. +Can't help you. At USC, you had a word the this-- screwing up the opposition you all did it at college and called it ratfucking. Ever wonder if Nixon might turn out to be the biggest ratfucker of them all? +Harry, I just talked to a Miami investigator about Barker-- --so? +--so? I think it might be helpful if you'd send me to Miami. +I'm the one sent you to Toronto, Bernstein-- --that was awhile ago-- +--that was awhile ago-- "--""I think it might be helpful if you'd send me to Toronto."" That was your spiel then. ""The Lifestyles of Deserters."" I'm still waiting for it." +Down to Miami and back--how much damage can I do? You're the fella who forgot he rented a Hertz car, do I have to tell you they didn't forget to send us the bill? +--you got more than one source?-- --yes-- +Speak. We've just been talking to Young-- +--he was going to go into law practice with Segretti. And?-- +--no-- --goddamnit, when's somebody gonna go on the record on this story-- +--and we got a guy in Justice-- --Deep Throat?-- +What's a real denial? If they ever start calling us goddamn liars-- --it's time to start circling the wagons. +I thought you guys were supposed to be working on this story-- --you think I like being aced out? --what?-- +--it would have been nice to have had this, I sure would have liked to have had this-- --there's nothing new in it-- +--there's nothing new in it-- --it makes the break-in real--it's a major goddamn story-- --I'm not going to kick ass over this, but I'd like you to know I hate getting beat, I just hate it-- don't forget that I hate it-- +--if he did it or just said he did it, God knows. I could care less about where it happened; what happened is what counts. Put him on. Ken, I'm sorry, it was Goddamn Beirut and they were having a crisis, what's up, kid? Slow down, Ken, you sound frazzled. A wife and a family and a cat and a dog, right, Ken. Ken, I would never print that you were in Marilyn's apartment at night-- unless, of course, you force me to. +--Bernstein, are you sure on this story? Absolutely-- +Absolutely-- --what about you?-- +Hannah, I never would have bothered you but I'm off to Miami and they're gonna take away my ten speed unless I get it straightened out fast. Where are your bills, Carl? +Where are your bills, Carl? Oh, they're here. I'm keeping much better records now, Hannah. See? +Oh, they're here. I'm keeping much better records now, Hannah. See? Carl, it's a jungle. I suggest you either pay this immediately or lay in a large supply of candles. You'd give a stranger the shirt off your back--except it wouldn't be paid for. +Hey... very tense. Lot of pressure at the Star. Carl, when we got married, you were four thousand dollars in debt; when we split, you were solvent. That may prove to be the outstanding single achievement of my life, and now look at this. How much did the damn bike cost? +Lot of pressure at the Star. Carl, when we got married, you were four thousand dollars in debt; when we split, you were solvent. That may prove to be the outstanding single achievement of my life, and now look at this. How much did the damn bike cost? Five hundred; six maybe. +Five hundred; six maybe. You're two months behind--you got enough to cover? +You're two months behind--you got enough to cover? I think. +I think. Give me your checkbook then. +Give me your checkbook then. It's right under that pile. +I thought you had to get to Miami. There's always a later plane. +There's always a later plane. You're a sex junkie, you know that, Carl? +You're a sex junkie, you know that, Carl? Nobody's perfect. I'm glad you're out of it, Hannah-- you're a terrific reporter and I turned you into a bookkeeper. +This is practically a high school reunion for us, Jane--I would have sprung for a classier place. Anyplace really public, they'd know about it--they know everything at the Committee, Carl-- +Anyplace really public, they'd know about it--they know everything at the Committee, Carl-- --you don't really think you're being followed? +--you don't really think you're being followed? This girlfriend of mine at the Committee, the other day she went back to the D.A. to tell the things the FBI didn't ask her. That night, her boss, he knew what she'd done. They control everything; that's how they know it all. +This girlfriend of mine at the Committee, the other day she went back to the D.A. to tell the things the FBI didn't ask her. That night, her boss, he knew what she'd done. They control everything; that's how they know it all. FBI too? +FBI too? You don't believe me? Well, I was working the weekend of the break-in and my God, all the executives were running around like crazy--you had to practically wait in line to use the shredding machine--and when the FBI came to investigate, they never even asked me about it. +You don't believe me? Well, I was working the weekend of the break-in and my God, all the executives were running around like crazy--you had to practically wait in line to use the shredding machine--and when the FBI came to investigate, they never even asked me about it. If you don't like it down there, why don't you quit? +If you don't like it down there, why don't you quit? I don't know what they'd do to me. +I don't know what they'd do to me. Hey, easy... +Hey, easy... We're a long way from high school, Carl... ...and I'm scared. +You've really got to go. Just let me get a match. +But I want you to know that I understand why you're afraid--a lot of good people down there at the Committee are afraid. I'm really sorry for what you're being put through. All those articles you people write-- where do you find that stuff? +All those articles you people write-- where do you find that stuff? We don't tell anyone that. Which is why you can talk to us. And if we can't verify what you say someplace else, we don't print it. That's another reason you can relax. +We don't tell anyone that. Which is why you can talk to us. And if we can't verify what you say someplace else, we don't print it. That's another reason you can relax. I'm relaxed--light your cigarette. +You were Hugh Sloan's bookkeeper when he worked for Maurice Stans at Finance, and we were sort of wondering, did you go work for Stans immediately after Sloan quit or was there a time lapse? I never worked for Sloan or Stans. +One minute but then-- --right, right, I've got to go. Why did you lie just then? +I was just curious--you don't do it well, so I wondered. Have you been threatened, if you told the truth, is that it? ...No... never in so many words... +...No... never in so many words... It's obvious you want to talk to someone--well, I'm someone. +There are too many people watching me--they know I know a lot-- --it was all in hundreds, wasn't it? +--it was all in hundreds, wasn't it? A lot of it was. I just thought it was sort of an all-purpose political fund--you know, for taking fat cats to dinner, things like that. +A lot of it was. I just thought it was sort of an all-purpose political fund--you know, for taking fat cats to dinner, things like that. Could buy a lot of steaks, 350,000 dollars. +Could buy a lot of steaks, 350,000 dollars. I can't be positive that it was used for the break-in but people sure are worried. +I can't be positive that it was used for the break-in but people sure are worried. Which people? +Which people? The ones who could disburse the money. +The ones who could disburse the money. Who were they? +Who were they? There were a group of them--I think five, I don't know their names. +There were a group of them--I think five, I don't know their names. Sloan knew which five, didn't he? +It's awfully hot-- --and you haven't finished telling me about the money-- --omigod, there was so much of it, six million came in one two-day period-- six million cash, we couldn't find enough places to put it. I thought it was all legal, I guess I did, til after the break-in, when I remembered Gordon got so much of it. +--omigod, there was so much of it, six million came in one two-day period-- six million cash, we couldn't find enough places to put it. I thought it was all legal, I guess I did, til after the break-in, when I remembered Gordon got so much of it. Gordon Liddy, you mean? +Gordon Liddy, you mean? It was all so crazy--the day after the break-in he gave us a speech, bouncing up and down on his heels in that loony way of his--Gordon told us not to let Jim McCord ruin everything--don't let one bad apple spoil the barrel, he said. You just know that when Gordon Liddy's calling someone a bad apple, something's wrong somewhere. ...It's all so rotten... and getting worse... and all I care about is Hugh Sloan. His wife was going to leave him if he didn't stand up and do what was right. And he quit. He quit because he saw it and didn't want any part of it. +It was all so crazy--the day after the break-in he gave us a speech, bouncing up and down on his heels in that loony way of his--Gordon told us not to let Jim McCord ruin everything--don't let one bad apple spoil the barrel, he said. You just know that when Gordon Liddy's calling someone a bad apple, something's wrong somewhere. ...It's all so rotten... and getting worse... and all I care about is Hugh Sloan. His wife was going to leave him if he didn't stand up and do what was right. And he quit. He quit because he saw it and didn't want any part of it. Think Sloan's being set up as a fall guy for John Mitchell? Sometimes it looks that way. +Why couldn't you have just dialed me from the office, Irwin? 'Cause I'm not calling out from the phone company anymore-- --I think the place is bugged. +'Cause I'm not calling out from the phone company anymore-- --I think the place is bugged. So tell me about the Times article. +So tell me about the Times article. What do you want to know? +What do you want to know? No games, Irwin; give. +No games, Irwin; give. My big civil rights buddy-- --boy, if John Mitchell was after your phone records, would you be screaming. What're you onto? +My big civil rights buddy-- --boy, if John Mitchell was after your phone records, would you be screaming. What're you onto? Something maybe big. +Something maybe big. And that makes anything you do OK, is that it? +And that makes anything you do OK, is that it? Just tell me about the goddamn article. +Just tell me about the goddamn article. It was accurate, but I can't get a fuller listing for you--all Barker's phone records have been subpoenaed. +It was accurate, but I can't get a fuller listing for you--all Barker's phone records have been subpoenaed. Who by? +Who by? A Miami D.A. The guy doing the investigating is named Martin Dardis. +A Miami D.A. The guy doing the investigating is named Martin Dardis. Irwin? I really feel bad, doing something like this--you know that, don't you? +--then again, maybe things are even worse than we've written-- --they're worse. That's why I quit. +Try and understand this. I'm a decent Republican. I believe in Richard Nixon. I worked in the White House four years--so did my wife. What happened on June 17 I don't think the President knew anything about. Some of his men I'm not so sure of. Do you think the truth will come out at the trial? +Do you think the truth will come out at the trial? That's another of the things I'm not so sure of. +That's another of the things I'm not so sure of. Because people at the Committee were told to lie to the prosecutors? +Because people at the Committee were told to lie to the prosecutors? "We were never told flat out ""Don't talk."" But the message was clear." +"We were never told flat out ""Don't talk."" But the message was clear." To cover up? +To cover up? Well, they sure didn't ask us to come forward and tell the truth. +But they both worked at the White House? I will not talk about the other two. +I will not talk about the other two. Kalmbach--Nixon's personal lawyer. +Right. Then Barker withdrew the 25 thousand in hundred dollar bills and gave it back to Liddy who gave it back to me and I put it in the office safe which was crammed. +Ordinarily, though, what was the procedure? "Routine--I'd just call John Mitchell over at the Justice Department and he'd say ""go ahead, give out the money.""" +What happens when the baby comes? We're moving. I've been looking for a job but it's been... hard. My name's been in the papers too much. Sometimes I wonder if reporters understand how much pain they can inflict in just one sentence. I'm not thinking of myself. But my wife, my parents, it's been very rough on them. +I really can't talk now-- --this'll only take one second-- +--this'll only take one second-- --my wife just had the baby, my in- laws are arriving, I'm trying to get the house in some kind of shape. +--I'm not your source on that-- --it's gotta be Haldeman--someone from the White House had to be involved-- +--that leaves Haldeman, period. I'm not your source on that. +--if we wrote a story that said Haldeman controlled the fund?-- --let me put it this way: I'd have no problem if you did. +Then it's our asses, isn't it? And we'll all have to go to work for a living. +Same kind of crap-- --all non-denial denials--we're dirty guys and they doubt we were ever virgins but they don't say the story is inaccurate. +--I don't know, I don't know, it feels thin-- --Christ, I wish I knew if we should print this-- +--well shit, we oughtta be tense-- we're about to accuse Mr. Haldeman who only happens to be the second most important man in America of conducting a criminal conspiracy from inside the White House-- --it would be nice if we were right-- --you double-checked both sources?-- +What's this? My non-denial denial. +I don't think either Metropolitan or National should cover the story. I don't think we should cover the story, period. Go on. +Go on. It's not that we're using unnamed sources that bothers me, or that everything we print the White House denies, or that almost no other papers are reprinting our stuff. +It will, it just hasn't bottomed out yet, give it time. Ben, Jesus, there are over two thousand reporters in this town, are there five on Watergate? Where did we suddenly get all this wisdom? +Look--why would the Republicans do it? --my God, McGovern is self- destructing before our eyes--just like Muskie did, Humphrey, the bunch of 'em. Why would the burglars have put the tape around the door instead of up and down unless they wanted to get caught? Why did they take a walkie- talkie and then turn it off, unless they wanted to get caught? Why would they use McCord--the only direct contact to the Republicans? You saying the Democrats bugged themselves? +You saying the Democrats bugged themselves? The FBI thinks it's possible--the Democrats need a campaign issue, corruption's always a good one. Get off the story, Ben--or put some people on McGovern's finances; fair is fair, even in our business. +I was told by this guy at the White House that Hunt was investigating Teddy Kennedy. How senior? +How senior? You asking me to disclose my source? +Just tell me his title. I don't know titles. +I don't know titles. Is he on the level of Assistant to the President or not? +This is a daily paper, we'll explain it tomorrow. You're certain on Mitchell? He approved the payments to Liddy while he was still Attorney General-- +--I saw him. He verifies. OK. You're about to write a story that says that the former Attorney General-- the man who represented law in America-- is a crook. Just be right, huh? +I got Clawsen on hold-- --his dialing finger must be falling off-- +--his dialing finger must be falling off-- --what do you think?-- +--what do you think?-- --he went to her apartment and he told her-- +--I'm sure-- --I'm not sure, it still feels thin-- +We can't talk inside either? Electronic surveillance. +Anything else from Mr. Throat? Mitchell started the cover-up early, everyone is involved in the cover- up, all the way to the top. The whole U.S. intelligence community is mixed in with the covert activities. The extent of it is incredible. And people's lives are in danger, maybe including ours. +Mr. Caddy? My name's Bob Woodward, I'm from the Post and I wanted to ask about how you happened to come on this case-- --I'm not here. +--I'm not here. OK. +"Douglas Caddy, the attorney of record, when questioned about his presence in the courtroom, denied he was in the courtroom, ""I'm not here,"" Mr. Caddy said." Clearly, I am here, but only as an individual, I'm not the attorney of record. Mr. Rafferty has that position. Whatever you want, you'll have to get from him, I have nothing more to say. +Mr. Rafferty was very helpful. Four Cuban-Americans and this other man, James McCord. Look, I told you inside-- +Look, I told you inside-- --you have nothing more to say, I understand that. +What I don't understand is how you got here. I assure you, there's nothing mysterious involved. +I assure you, there's nothing mysterious involved. Probably you're right, but a little while ago, I was talking to a couple of lawyers who'd been assigned to represent the burglars. +Probably you're right, but a little while ago, I was talking to a couple of lawyers who'd been assigned to represent the burglars. So? +So? Well, they never would have been assigned if anyone had known the burglars had arranged for their own counsel. And that could only mean the burglars didn't arrange for their own counsel--they never even made a phone call. So if they didn't ask for you to be here, how did you know to come? +Did you know to come because one of the other men involved in the break- in called you? There is no reason to assume other people were involved. +There is no reason to assume other people were involved. Your clients were arrested with a walkie-talkie; they didn't need that to talk among themselves. +They are not my clients. You're a lawyer and you're here-- +You're a lawyer and you're here-- --I met one of the defendants, Mr. Barker, at a social occasion once-- --I have nothing more to say. +--I met one of the defendants, Mr. Barker, at a social occasion once-- --I have nothing more to say. A Miami social occasion? Mr. Rafferty told me the Cubans were from Miami. +A Miami social occasion? Mr. Rafferty told me the Cubans were from Miami. Barker's wife called me at three this morning; her husband apparently had told her to call if he hadn't called her by then. +Barker's wife called me at three this morning; her husband apparently had told her to call if he hadn't called her by then. It was really nice of you to come, since you'd only met him once. +It was really nice of you to come, since you'd only met him once. Are you implying you don't believe me? +Are you implying you don't believe me? I have nothing more to say. +I have nothing more to say. You don't mind getting on people's nerves, do you? +You claiming it was all a misunderstanding, Ken? Absolutely--Marilyn's gotten it totally wrong-- +Absolutely--Marilyn's gotten it totally wrong-- She's an awfully good reporter--I can't remember her getting too much wrong before, can you? +She's an awfully good reporter--I can't remember her getting too much wrong before, can you? That's a bullshit question, that's a question straight out of Wichita, Kansas. +That's a bullshit question, that's a question straight out of Wichita, Kansas. Sorry, Ken; listen, one last thing: where did your talk with Berger happen? +Sorry, Ken; listen, one last thing: where did your talk with Berger happen? Where? What do you mean, where? +Where? What do you mean, where? Well, was it in a bar, her apartment, some restaurant-- +Well, was it in a bar, her apartment, some restaurant-- --I've completely forgotten where it was, except I know it wasn't her apartment. +--this should take only a minute, Mr. Dahlberg, but we're doing a follow- up on the break-in-- --and I was kind of curious about your check. ...check...? +...check...? The twenty-five thousand dollar one. The one with your name on it. In Bernard Barker's Florida account. Bernard Barker, the Watergate burglar-- +The twenty-five thousand dollar one. The one with your name on it. In Bernard Barker's Florida account. Bernard Barker, the Watergate burglar-- ...you're definitely doing a story...? +...you're definitely doing a story...? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. I'm a proper citizen, I'm a decent man, I don't do anything that isn't decent or proper. I know I shouldn't tell you this... +That twenty-five thousand dollars is money I collected for Nixon in this year's campaign. I see. And how do you think it reached Miami? +I see. And how do you think it reached Miami? I don't know; I really don't. The last time I saw it was when I was in Washington. I gave it to the Finance department of the Committee to Re- Elect the President. How it got to that burglar, your guess is as good as mine. +I don't know; I really don't. The last time I saw it was when I was in Washington. I gave it to the Finance department of the Committee to Re- Elect the President. How it got to that burglar, your guess is as good as mine. That checks out with our finding, thank you, Mr. Dahlberg. +I saw the flag signal--what's up? Nothing, that's the problem--the story's gone underground. +Nothing, that's the problem--the story's gone underground. You thought I'd help out on specifics? I'll confirm what you get, try to keep you on the right track, but that's all. Are you guys really working? How much? +You thought I'd help out on specifics? I'll confirm what you get, try to keep you on the right track, but that's all. Are you guys really working? How much? I don't know maybe sixteen, eighteen hours a day--we've got sources at Justice, the FBI, but it's still drying up. +I don't know maybe sixteen, eighteen hours a day--we've got sources at Justice, the FBI, but it's still drying up. Then there must be something, mustn't there. Look, forget the myths the media's created about the White House-- the truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand. +Then there must be something, mustn't there. Look, forget the myths the media's created about the White House-- the truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand. If you don't like them, why won't you be more concrete with me? +If you don't like them, why won't you be more concrete with me? Because the press stinks too--history on the run, that's all you're interested in. You come up with anything? +Because the press stinks too--history on the run, that's all you're interested in. You come up with anything? John Mitchell resigned as head of CREEP to spend more time with his family. That doesn't exactly have the ring of truth. Howard Hunt's been found--there was talk that his lawyer had 25 thousand in cash in a paper bag. +John Mitchell resigned as head of CREEP to spend more time with his family. That doesn't exactly have the ring of truth. Howard Hunt's been found--there was talk that his lawyer had 25 thousand in cash in a paper bag. Follow the money. Always follow the money. +Follow the money. Always follow the money. To where? +To where? Go on. +Go on. This man Gordon Liddy--he's going to be tried along with Hunt and the five burglars--we know he knows a lot, we just don't know what. +This man Gordon Liddy--he's going to be tried along with Hunt and the five burglars--we know he knows a lot, we just don't know what. You changed cabs? You're sure no one followed you? +You changed cabs? You're sure no one followed you? I did everything you said, but it all seemed-- +I did everything you said, but it all seemed-- --melodramatic? Things are past that--remember, these are men with switchblade mentalities who run the world as if it were Dodge City. +--melodramatic? Things are past that--remember, these are men with switchblade mentalities who run the world as if it were Dodge City. What's the whole thing about--do you know? +What's the whole thing about--do you know? What I know, you'll have to find out on your own. +What I know, you'll have to find out on your own. Liddy--you think there's a chance he'll talk? +Liddy--you think there's a chance he'll talk? "Talk? Once, at a gathering, he put his hand over a candle. And he kept it there. He kept it right in the flame until his flesh seared. A woman who was watching asked, ""What's the trick?"" And he replied. ""The trick is not minding.""" +My turn to keep you waiting. What's the topic for tonight? Ratfucking. +Ratfucking. In my day, it was simply called the double cross. I believe the CIA refers to it as Mindfuck. In our context, it simply means infiltration of the Democrats. +In my day, it was simply called the double cross. I believe the CIA refers to it as Mindfuck. In our context, it simply means infiltration of the Democrats. I know what it means--Segretti wouldn't go on the record, but if he would, we know he'd implicate Chapin. And that would put us inside the White House. +I know what it means--Segretti wouldn't go on the record, but if he would, we know he'd implicate Chapin. And that would put us inside the White House. Yes, the little ratfuckers are now running our government. +Yes, the little ratfuckers are now running our government. Who?--be specific. How high up? +Who?--be specific. How high up? You'll have to find that out, won't you. +You'll have to find that out, won't you. The slush fund at CREEP financed the ratfucking, we've almost got that nailed down, so-- +What? Did you change cabs? It didn't work, something moved there-- +I hope you noticed how coolly I behaved under the threat of discovery. Do Justice and the FBI know what we know, and why the hell haven't they done anything about it? +Do Justice and the FBI know what we know, and why the hell haven't they done anything about it? They know, but they focused on the burglary--if it didn't deal with the break-in, they didn't pursue it. +They know, but they focused on the burglary--if it didn't deal with the break-in, they didn't pursue it. Why didn't they?--who told them not to? +Why didn't they?--who told them not to? Someone with authority I'd imagine, wouldn't you? Don't you know what you're onto? Come on. +Someone with authority I'd imagine, wouldn't you? Don't you know what you're onto? Come on. Mitchell knew then. +Mitchell knew then. Of course--my God, you think something this big just happens? The break-in and the cover up, of course Mitchell knew, but no more than Ehrlichman. +Of course--my God, you think something this big just happens? The break-in and the cover up, of course Mitchell knew, but no more than Ehrlichman. Haldeman too? +Haldeman too? You get nothing from me about Haldeman? +Why did they do all this for Chrissakes?--what were they after? Total manipulation. I suppose you could say they wanted to subvert the Constitution, but they don't think along philosophical lines. +Total manipulation. I suppose you could say they wanted to subvert the Constitution, but they don't think along philosophical lines. Talk about Segretti-- +Talk about Segretti-- --don't concentrate on Segretti or you'll miss the overall scheme too. +--don't concentrate on Segretti or you'll miss the overall scheme too. There were more then. +There were more then. Follow every lead--every lead goes somewhere-- +Follow every lead--every lead goes somewhere-- --the Canuck letter--was that a White House operation-- +--the Canuck letter--was that a White House operation-- --don't you miss the grand scheme too. +--don't you miss the grand scheme too. How grand? +How grand? Nationwide--my God, they were frightened of Muskie and look who got destroyed--they wanted to run against McGovern, and look who they're running against. They bugged, they followed people, false press leaks, fake letters, they canceled Democratic campaign rallies, they investigated Democratic private lives, they planted spies, stole documents, on and on-- don't tell me you think this was all the work of little Don Segretti. +Nationwide--my God, they were frightened of Muskie and look who got destroyed--they wanted to run against McGovern, and look who they're running against. They bugged, they followed people, false press leaks, fake letters, they canceled Democratic campaign rallies, they investigated Democratic private lives, they planted spies, stole documents, on and on-- don't tell me you think this was all the work of little Don Segretti. And Justice and FBI know all this? +And Justice and FBI know all this? Yes, yes, everything. There were over fifty people employed by the White House and CREEP to ratfuck-- some of what they did is beyond belief. +Yes, yes, everything. There were over fifty people employed by the White House and CREEP to ratfuck-- some of what they did is beyond belief. Fifty ratfuckers directed by the White House to destroy the Democrats? +Fifty ratfuckers directed by the White House to destroy the Democrats? I was being cautious. You can safely say more then fifty... +--I know, I know, the pressure's off the White House and it's all back on the Post-- --you've done worse than let Haldeman slip away, you've got people feeling sorry for him--I didn't think that was possible. A conspiracy like this-- the rope has to tighten slowly around everyone's neck. You build from the outer edges and you go step by step. If you shoot too high and miss, then everybody feels more secure. You've put the investigation back months. +--you've done worse than let Haldeman slip away, you've got people feeling sorry for him--I didn't think that was possible. A conspiracy like this-- the rope has to tighten slowly around everyone's neck. You build from the outer edges and you go step by step. If you shoot too high and miss, then everybody feels more secure. You've put the investigation back months. We know that--and if we were wrong, we're resigning--were we wrong? +We know that--and if we were wrong, we're resigning--were we wrong? You'll have to find that out, won't you?-- +Hello, I'm Bob Woodward of the Washing Post and... Mullen and Company Public Relations? Could you tell me when you expect Mr. Hunt? He is? Howard Hunt here. +Howard Hunt here. Hi, I'm Bob Woodward of the Post and-- +Hi, I'm Bob Woodward of the Post and-- --yes, yes, what is it? +--yes, yes, what is it? I was just kind of wondering why your name and phone number were in the address books of two of the men arrested at Watergate? +I was just kind of wondering why your name and phone number were in the address books of two of the men arrested at Watergate? Good God! +Your name, please. James McCord. +James McCord. Will you step forward, sir. +And what is your occupation, Mr. McCord? Security consultant. +Security consultant. Where? +Where? Government. Recently retired. +Government. Recently retired. Where in government? +Where in government? ...Central... Intelligence... Agency... +...Central... Intelligence... Agency... Where? +Where? The C.I.A. +I'm so glad you could come, Mr.-- --I'm Woodward. +"You know, the paper was my father's and my husband's when they were alive and I was thinking back a year or two ago when Ben called me and said he wanted to publish the Pentagon Papers the next day. The Times had already been stopped from publishing anymore of them and all my legal counsel said ""don't, don't"" and I was frightened but I knew if I said no, I'd lose the whole fifth floor. So we published, and that night, after I'd told Ben to go ahead, I woke up in the darkness and I thought, ""Oh my Lord, what am I doing to this newspaper?"" I woke up again last night with that same question. Are we right on this story?" I think so. +I think so. Are you sure? +Are you sure? No. +No. When will you be, do you think?-- when are we going to know it all? +When will you be, do you think?-- when are we going to know it all? It may never come out. +It may never come out. Never? Please don't tell me never. Ben says you've found some wonderful sources. +Never? Please don't tell me never. Ben says you've found some wonderful sources. Some Justice Department lawyers and an FBI man, and some people from the Committee to Re-Elect, yes ma'am. +Some Justice Department lawyers and an FBI man, and some people from the Committee to Re-Elect, yes ma'am. And the underground garage one. Would I know him? +And the underground garage one. Would I know him? I couldn't say. +I couldn't say. But it's possible. +But it's possible. It is. +It is. You've never told anyone who he is? But you'd have to tell me if I asked you. Tell me. +You've never told anyone who he is? But you'd have to tell me if I asked you. Tell me. I would, if you really ever wanted to know. +I would, if you really ever wanted to know. I really want to know. +We're going to need lots of good luck, aren't we? Nobody ever had too much. +--you are ignoring the importance of the Dahlberg repercussions-- --nobody gives a shit about the Dahlberg repercussions-- +--nobody gives a shit about the Dahlberg repercussions-- --quit equivocating, say what you mean-- --our story got Government Accounting to start an audit on CREEP's finances-- +--correction--when you were drinking your lunch at the bar of the Sans Souci-- --this White House guy, a good one, a pro, came up and asked what is this Watergate compulsion with you guys and I said, well, we think it's important and he said, if it's so goddamn important, who the hell are Woodward and Bernstein? +--this White House guy, a good one, a pro, came up and asked what is this Watergate compulsion with you guys and I said, well, we think it's important and he said, if it's so goddamn important, who the hell are Woodward and Bernstein? Ask him what he's really saying--he means take the story away from Woodstein and give it to his people at the National Desk-- +Ask him what he's really saying--he means take the story away from Woodstein and give it to his people at the National Desk-- --well, I've got some pretty experienced fellas sitting around, wouldn't you say so?-- +--well, I've got some pretty experienced fellas sitting around, wouldn't you say so?-- --absolutely--and that's all they do, sit sit sit--every once in a while, they call up a Senator, some reporting-- +--absolutely--and that's all they do, sit sit sit--every once in a while, they call up a Senator, some reporting-- --well, what if your boys get it wrong-- +Where's that cheery face we've come to know and love? You call me in on my day off because some idiots have broken into local Democratic Headquarters--tell me, Harry, why should I be smiling? +You call me in on my day off because some idiots have broken into local Democratic Headquarters--tell me, Harry, why should I be smiling? As usual, that keen mind of yours has pegged the situation perfectly. Except it wasn't local Democratic Headquarters, it was National Democratic Headquarters-- --and these weren't just any idiots, these were special idiots, seeing as when they were arrested at 2:30 this morning, they were all wearing business suits and Playtex gloves and were carrying-- --a walkie-talkie, forty rolls of film, cameras, lock picks, pen-sized tear gas guns, plus various bugging devices. Not to mention over two thousand dollars, mostly in sequenced hundred dollar bills. +As usual, that keen mind of yours has pegged the situation perfectly. Except it wasn't local Democratic Headquarters, it was National Democratic Headquarters-- --and these weren't just any idiots, these were special idiots, seeing as when they were arrested at 2:30 this morning, they were all wearing business suits and Playtex gloves and were carrying-- --a walkie-talkie, forty rolls of film, cameras, lock picks, pen-sized tear gas guns, plus various bugging devices. Not to mention over two thousand dollars, mostly in sequenced hundred dollar bills. Preliminary hearing at Superior Courthouse? +Preliminary hearing at Superior Courthouse? Two o'clock, work the phones 'til you go. +...go on, go on... That's everything Bachinski had, I think it's worth following up. +That's everything Bachinski had, I think it's worth following up. Don't know; who the hell's Howard Hunt? It's probably nothing but check it out. Just go easy, it could be crazy Cubans. +OK, get on this W.House guy and do a better job then you did on McCord. I did all right on McCord. +I did all right on McCord. Then how come the Associated Press were the ones found out that Mr. McCord is security coordinator for the Committee to Re-elect the President, otherwise known as CREEP? +Then how come the Associated Press were the ones found out that Mr. McCord is security coordinator for the Committee to Re-elect the President, otherwise known as CREEP? The head of security for the reelection of a Republican President got caught bugging the national offices of the Democrats? What the hell does that mean? +The head of security for the reelection of a Republican President got caught bugging the national offices of the Democrats? What the hell does that mean? "Mr. John Mitchell, the head of CREEP, says it means nothing. ""...This man and the other people involved were not operating on either our behalf or with our consent. These is no place in our campaign or in the electoral process for this type of activity, and we will not forget it or condone it.""" +"Mr. John Mitchell, the head of CREEP, says it means nothing. ""...This man and the other people involved were not operating on either our behalf or with our consent. These is no place in our campaign or in the electoral process for this type of activity, and we will not forget it or condone it.""" You can't believe that. +You can't believe that. As a rough rule of thumb, as far as I can throw Bronco Nagurski, that's how much I trust John Mitchell... +What'd you get on W.House? Lotsa hints-- +Lotsa hints-- I can't sell hints to Simons-- --you called everyone you know? Call someone you don't know. +Who's Charles Colson? "I would liken your query to being in Russia half a century ago and asking someone, ""I understand who Lenin is and Trotsky I got too, but who's this yokel Stalin?""" +"I would liken your query to being in Russia half a century ago and asking someone, ""I understand who Lenin is and Trotsky I got too, but who's this yokel Stalin?""" Who's Colson, Harry? +Who's Colson, Harry? The most powerful man in America is President Nixon, probably you've heard his name. +The second most powerful man is Robert Haldeman. Just below him are a trio: Mr. Erlichman is Haldeman's friend, and they protect the President from everybody which is why they are referred to as either The German Shepherds or the Berlin Wall. Mr. Mitchell we've already discussed. Mr. Colson is the President's special counsel. Thanks, Harry. Know anything about Colson? +Thanks, Harry. Know anything about Colson? "Just that on his office wall there's a cartoon with a caption reading, ""When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.""" +Whaddya got, whaddya got? Hunt is Colson's man-- --that's Charles Colson, Nixon's special counsel-- --they both went to Brown University-- --Hunt worked for the C.I.A. till '70, and this is on deep background, the FBI thinks he's involved with the break-in. +So? I never asked them about Watergate. I only said what were Hunt's duties at the White House. They volunteered that he was innocent when nobody asked was he guilty. +I never asked them about Watergate. I only said what were Hunt's duties at the White House. They volunteered that he was innocent when nobody asked was he guilty. I think we got a White House consultant linked to the bugging. +--who you got?-- --well, Sloan-- +Anything? Woodward's onto a new wrinkle with the break-in thing--absolute page one stuff-- +Woodward's onto a new wrinkle with the break-in thing--absolute page one stuff-- --in other words, you got nothing, you're thumbsucking. +--in other words, you got nothing, you're thumbsucking. Could develop. +Could develop. Let me see what you get, but don't jump--The New York Times thinks it's crazy Cubans. +"I can predict the next words you're gonna say: ""anyone but Bernstein."" I want to send a reporter to Miami." Anyone but Bernstein. +Anyone but Bernstein. Howard-- +Howard-- --remember Toronto, Harry. +--remember Toronto, Harry. That was awhile ago. +That was awhile ago. I don't get it--you were the one who wanted to fire him. +I don't get it--you were the one who wanted to fire him. I know, I did, but damnit Howard-- For the first time since I've known him, I think he's really humping... +--has any of them got an ax?-- --political, personal, sexual, anything at all against Mitchell?-- +--listen, we didn't make them do these things--once they did, it's our job to report it-- --go over your sources again-- +--listen, I love this country, you think I want to bring it down?--I'm not some goddamn zany, I was a hawk-- --Harry, weren't you just arguing the opposite way?-- +--Harry, weren't you just arguing the opposite way?-- --maybe I'm tense-- +More denunciations? One Senator just gave a speech slurring us 57 times in 20 minutes. +What else have you got? "According to White House personnel, Hunt definitely works there as a consultant for Colson. But when I called the White House Press office, they said he hadn't worked there for three months. Then the P.R. guy said the weirdest thing to me. ""I am convinced that neither Mr. Colson nor anyone else at the White House had any knowledge of, or participation in, this deplorable incident at the Democratic National Committee.""" +Isn't that what you'd expect them to say? Absolutely. +--no-- --can we use their names?-- +What do you think Mrs. Graham wants to see me for? Maybe to fire you--since you two started on this story, the Post stock has dropped, what, 50 percent? And the word is some Nixon people are challenging her TV licenses. I'm not saying she's going on relief, but I don't think it's unreasonable for her to want to meet you. +Maybe to fire you--since you two started on this story, the Post stock has dropped, what, 50 percent? And the word is some Nixon people are challenging her TV licenses. I'm not saying she's going on relief, but I don't think it's unreasonable for her to want to meet you. You think she wants us to ease up on the story? +You think she wants us to ease up on the story? I don't know, but I don't think that's unreasonable either, do you? +--which Young? Larry Young, a California lawyer-- +--and he says Chapin hired Segretti-- --well and good, but when will he say it on the record. +--well and good, but when will he say it on the record. He just did. +Mr. Sloan? My wife told me to expect you. As you know, I haven't talked to the press. +I'd like to talk to you, I really would, but my lawyers say I shouldn't until after the Watergate trial. You handed out the money. Maybe there's a legitimate explanation for the way it was done-- +"Does ""they"" mean the White House?" As opposed to the Committee? The Committee's not an independent operation. Everything is cleared with the White House. I don't think that the FBI or the prosecutors understand that. +As opposed to the Committee? The Committee's not an independent operation. Everything is cleared with the White House. I don't think that the FBI or the prosecutors understand that. The report on the cash in Maurice Stans' safe, the three hundred fifty thousand, that's true? +The report on the cash in Maurice Stans' safe, the three hundred fifty thousand, that's true? No. It was closer to seven hundred thousand. +No. It was closer to seven hundred thousand. And as treasurer, you could release those funds? +And as treasurer, you could release those funds? When so ordered. +When so ordered. We're not sure we've got all the guys who could order you, but we know there were five. +Colson's too smart to get directly involved with something like that. Haldeman. Right? +Haldeman. Right? I won't talk about the other two. +I can't say anything, I'm sorry. One thing I'm not completely clear on--when you gave out the money to Liddy, how did that work? +One thing I'm not completely clear on--when you gave out the money to Liddy, how did that work? Badly. You don't realize how close all this came to staying undiscovered--I gave Liddy the Dahlberg check and he gave it to Barker who took it to Miami and deposited it. +Go on. Well, when Liddy came and asked for money for what turned out to be the break-in funds, I went to the safe and gave him--out of this whole fortune--I happened to give him the same hundreds he gave me--banks have to keep track of hundreds. If the money had been in fifties, or if I'd grabbed a different stack, there probably wouldn't have been any Watergate story. +A boy or a girl? A girl. Melissa. +--and it wasn't Ehrlichman or Colson or the President. No, none of those. +--look, when the Watergate grand jury questioned you, did you name names? Of course--everything they asked-- +Hi. I'm Bob Woodward of the Washington Post and I hate to bother you at home-- --I already get the Post. I don't need another subscription. +--I already get the Post. I don't need another subscription. No, I'm a reporter. I wanted to talk to you about the Committee to Re- Elect. +No, I'm a reporter. I wanted to talk to you about the Committee to Re- Elect. The what to what? +The what to what? You work there, Miss Abbott. +You work there, Miss Abbott. I'm not Miss Abbott. +What the hell was that? Sorry. +Sorry. No, it was good. +No, it was good. Oh, well... It came from the heart. +Oh, well... It came from the heart. Well then keep it coming. Alright, people, good work! Keep it up and we'll do great at the state competition. +I'll do it. Okay then. The rest of you okay with that? +Good work, Ostreicher. Thanks coach. +Thanks coach. You're a killer, Ozzy! +You're a killer, Ozzy! -- Thanks, coach -- +Christ! I didn't say you were out of the game! Sorry, coach. +Sorry, coach. What the fuck is this? You got someplace more important to be? +Great evening, isn't it? Sure. +Sure. There's something about the spring that's just cool. Like the smell of fresh rain or something. +What did you just say? Suck me...beautiful? +Uh...you know, my friends call me Nova -- as in Casanova. You need some work, buddy! +Look, Chris. There are just some things you need to learn, that's all. Like what? +Alright, well...you've got to tone it down. You don't need to go to Lookout Point and spout cheeseball lines to be romantic. ...okay... +...okay... You have to pay attention to a girl. Be sensitive to her feelings. Relationships are reciprocal. +You have to pay attention to a girl. Be sensitive to her feelings. Relationships are reciprocal. I'm not good in math. +Perhaps you should consider actually answering an ad. Finch, you can be the one to date a nearly-dead insane chick. Eat your damn imitation hot dog. +Finch, you can be the one to date a nearly-dead insane chick. Eat your damn imitation hot dog. This is no imitation. Removing the hot dog from the Ultradog yields a better dog. Behold -- Ultradog, no dog. +Good morning gentleman. Finch! Where were you last night? What happened to the foolproof plan? +Finch! Where were you last night? What happened to the foolproof plan? I thought a fashionably late entrance would enhance my appearance. When I got here, the Bacchanalia was over and the nymphs had left. +You're just gonna sit there and drink your coffee? Mochaccino. Actually, in the spirit of the pact, I do need to ask for your cooperation in one small matter. +Finch, don't you think it's about time you learned to take a dump at school? When was the last time you looked at the facilities here? +Ah, Stifler's mom! Thank you for letting us have a great party. As if there were any alternative in the matter. Are you enjoying yourself? +As if there were any alternative in the matter. Are you enjoying yourself? I'm three sheets to the wind, ma'am! +I'm three sheets to the wind, ma'am! I'm so happy for you. Takes the edge off, doesn't it? And where might your date be? +I'm so happy for you. Takes the edge off, doesn't it? And where might your date be? Oh no, no date. Bathroom incident. +Oh no, no date. Bathroom incident. Pardon me? +...Nevermind. You have anything to drink? I believe the kegs are upstairs. +I believe the kegs are upstairs. No, no, that's what the cretins drink. I mean alcohol, liquor -- good stuff. +All right, I got some scotch. Single malt? +Single malt? Aged eighteen years. Why don't you get the glasses. Behind the bar. +So...would you object if I said you're quite striking? Mister Finch -- are you trying to seduce me? +Mister Finch -- are you trying to seduce me? Yes ma'am, I am. +I had no idea you'd be this good! Neither did I! +This is your plan, Finch? Yep. +This. Right now. Uh-huh. +Of course, Finch. What? Whatever you hear about me, you agree. +Whatever you hear about me, you agree. What are we gonna hear? +What are we gonna hear? You'll see. Gotta go. Sixteen minute round trip. +You know, Jim...you could go back there...and... Seduce her. +What do you suppose they're saying? No idea. +Finch! Get to the bathroom! Now! Easy, tiger. What's in there? +Easy, tiger. What's in there? Just go! +Just go! Why is this? +Why is this? You're gonna shit your pants! +You're gonna shit your pants! Charming. +Charming. Finch, listen -- Stifler slipped some sort of laxative in your Mocash-chino or whatever. It's fast acting. I mean really fast. +Finch, listen -- Stifler slipped some sort of laxative in your Mocash-chino or whatever. It's fast acting. I mean really fast. First of all, it's Mochaccino, and secondly...Oohhhh! +Me too. For the most part. Nah. Fuck, you guys are right, I don't know what I'm doing. I mean I'm acting like I've got it all together tonight. But I know Vicky is gonna ask me if I love her. And I don't know what I'm gonna say. So now it's like, maybe I'll just wimp out on the whole thing. +I'll tell you, I've learned one thing: women, like wine, get better with age. Of course, I have no frame of reference for this comparison. So Oz, you almost made it, huh? +Not bad, Chris. Really? Hey, thanks -- Heather, right? +Really? Hey, thanks -- Heather, right? Yeah...so...you've got this sort of... Bobby McFerrin thing going there. +Yeah...so...you've got this sort of... Bobby McFerrin thing going there. Yeah. Right, uh-huh. I feel like I've discovered this whole new side of me. Music is so expressive. +Yeah. Right, uh-huh. I feel like I've discovered this whole new side of me. Music is so expressive. Okay. I mean, I agree, but...aren't you supposed to be out, like, trying to decapitate someone with your lacrosse stick or something? +Oh sure. I know what people think. It's like, Oz, he's just this kickass lacrosse player -- I also play football, by the way -- But that's like...not all that I am. Of course, I didn't -- +Of course, I didn't -- I mean it really bothers me when people try to pigeonhole me like that. +I mean it really bothers me when people try to pigeonhole me like that. "You? You think I don't get that? God, it's like just because I don't get drunk and barf every weekend, people say ""Oh, here's this goody-two- shoes choir-girl priss.""" +Yeah...so like, what else do you do? Well the same things you do. Hang out with friends and stuff, you know, whatever. What do you think I do? +Well the same things you do. Hang out with friends and stuff, you know, whatever. What do you think I do? I just -- realized that I didn't know anything about you. I was interested. +I just -- realized that I didn't know anything about you. I was interested. Oh...well that's okay. Cool. +Hey, what're you doing here? "Just enjoying my exhilarating first lacrosse experience. You like, ""kicked butt.""" +Um...Chris -- You can call me Oz. +You can call me Oz. Do I have to? +Do I have to? You can call me Ostreicher. +You can call me Ostreicher. What's your middle name? +What's your middle name? Forget it. +Forget it. Come on! I won't tell. +Come on! I won't tell. Neither will I. +Neither will I. Okay. So I had this...thought, and...this may seem like it's out of left field, and I don't know if you can, but since I'm not going with anyone -- +Alright, cool. I gotta hit the showers, but...I think this'll be really good. Yeah, me too, okay, cool. +Nice car. I'm glad you think so. +I'm glad you think so. You don't like it? +You don't like it? No, I like the car. By the way, though, about prom? That was like a bad idea. Sorry I invited you. +What?! Oh, please. I asked you because I thought you might actually be worth going with. But you are just a jock. No wait. You're a jerk. +Oh, please. I asked you because I thought you might actually be worth going with. But you are just a jock. No wait. You're a jerk. What? No I'm not. +What? No I'm not. I saw you making fun of me with your lacrosse buddies. +I saw you making fun of me with your lacrosse buddies. I wasn't making fun of you. +I wasn't making fun of you. Give me a break, you're so full of it. +Why are you doing this? Because I want to. +Because I want to. Yeah? Well you can't fake your way through this. You better practice. +Hi... How did you know I was here? +How did you know I was here? Stifler told me. +Stifler told me. You talked to Stifler? +You talked to Stifler? Well...I needed to find you. We are gonna have to practice that song. +Well...I needed to find you. We are gonna have to practice that song. ...okay. Cool then. I'm um, I'm glad you came by. I mean, really. +Uh...my dad's the manager. Really? Cool. Tell him his subs are great. +Really? Cool. Tell him his subs are great. Ah, he's always too heavy on the vinegar. If you really want a good one, you gotta let me make it. +My dad's always here running the store, busy and stuff...and I fill in once a week so he can get a night off. That's nice. +That's nice. So you're going to Michigan? +So you're going to Michigan? "Yeah, well my parents wanted me to go to Northwestern. I didn't want to write all those extra essays they make you do -- I mean, how am I supposed to know what my ""most emotionally significant moment"" was? So when my U of M acceptance came in December, I said the hell with it." +"Yeah, well my parents wanted me to go to Northwestern. I didn't want to write all those extra essays they make you do -- I mean, how am I supposed to know what my ""most emotionally significant moment"" was? So when my U of M acceptance came in December, I said the hell with it." Onions? +Onions? What? +What? You want onions? +You want onions? Oh, yeah. So what're you gonna major in? +Oh, yeah. So what're you gonna major in? Well, State's got a good business school. And I can probably walk onto the lacrosse team. Green peppers? +Well, State's got a good business school. And I can probably walk onto the lacrosse team. Green peppers? Yeah. So wow, you've got it figured out. +Yeah. So wow, you've got it figured out. Well, I mean, business is okay, and lacrosse is awesome, but what am I gonna be, a pro lacrosse player? I really have no idea. +Well, I mean, business is okay, and lacrosse is awesome, but what am I gonna be, a pro lacrosse player? I really have no idea. Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one. +Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one. Well, you're not. Oil and vinegar? +Well, you're not. Oil and vinegar? "Yeah. You know, people are always like, ""What're you gonna major in?"" And I don't know. And they're like, ""You'll figure it out."" Yeah? When?" +"Yeah. You know, people are always like, ""What're you gonna major in?"" And I don't know. And they're like, ""You'll figure it out."" Yeah? When?" I know. Salt and pepper? +I know. Salt and pepper? Sure. +So we're gonna be close next year? You -- oh, you mean -- yeah, East Lansing and Ann Arbor. +You -- oh, you mean -- yeah, East Lansing and Ann Arbor. ...yeah. +...I've got this lacrosse game. It's really important, it's our last game. And you know, Central almost beat us last time, so I really want to kick their ass, and it's like cool because we're gonna get to play at State, which means that after the game I might be able to stop by... You can't sing at the competition. +You can't sing at the competition. I'm sorry, I totally spaced. I just...I didn't realize it... +I'm sorry, I totally spaced. I just...I didn't realize it... ...it's okay, you should do whatever makes you happy. +...it's okay, you should do whatever makes you happy. Alright...yeah...thanks for understanding. So I guess...I'll see you later. +What about the game?! I'm not playing. +I'm not playing. You're missing the game for us?! +You're missing the game for us?! No. I'm missing the game for you. +There's something I've been meaning to tell you, Heather. What's that? +What's that? It's gonna sound really bad, but I want you to know. +This isn't the best way to proposition me. No, that's not what I mean. I mean -- look. You know what made me leave that game? Coach was giving this speech, about not slacking off when you see the opportunity to score. +No, that's not what I mean. I mean -- look. You know what made me leave that game? Coach was giving this speech, about not slacking off when you see the opportunity to score. This isn't any better, Chris. +This isn't any better, Chris. No, see Heather, what I realized is that...with you, it's not like I'm running towards the goal, trying to figure out the best way to score. And this may sound corny, but -- +Oz, it's okay, I know. You called me Oz. +You called me Oz. Well, that's what your friends call you. I mean...I feel like I'm one of your friends now...and also...your girlfriend. +Hmm. You know that's really a shitty middle name! I know, it sucks! +I can't think of anything to say that's not cheesy. Then don't. +Vanderbilt's not that far from U of M. Yeah right. +Yeah right. What? We both have cars. +What? We both have cars. Yeah but, no offense, you're talking about a post-high school, long- distance relationship, and you and Kevin haven't even done it yet. +Yeah but, no offense, you're talking about a post-high school, long- distance relationship, and you and Kevin haven't even done it yet. That's not why we're going out. +That's not why we're going out. What the hell are you expecting him to drive to Vanderbilt for? Milk and cookies? +What the hell are you expecting him to drive to Vanderbilt for? Milk and cookies? Jessica! He'll drive there for me, and I'll drive to Ann Arbor for him. We're going to have sex when he's ready and I'm ready. It's got to be completely perfect. I want the right place, the right time, the right moment. +Jessica! He'll drive there for me, and I'll drive to Ann Arbor for him. We're going to have sex when he's ready and I'm ready. It's got to be completely perfect. I want the right place, the right time, the right moment. Vicky, it's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex. So did you do the physics write-up? +Vicky, it's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex. So did you do the physics write-up? Please. +He likes it. Of course he does. What about you? Have you just never had one with Kevin -- or have you never had one, period? +Of course he does. What about you? Have you just never had one with Kevin -- or have you never had one, period? I think I've had one. +I think I've had one. Well that's a no. No wonder you're not psyched about sex. You've never even had one manually? +Well that's a no. No wonder you're not psyched about sex. You've never even had one manually? ...I've never tried it. +...I've never tried it. Are you kidding? You've never double- clicked your mouse? +Jessica, can you drive me home? Sure. +Ah, you'll get her back soon enough. That's easy, she likes you. What you need to do is learn to press a girl's buttons. You gotta give her what she's never had. What? +What? "I'll give you a hint. ""Ohhh, yeah, yeah!"" Comprende?" +"I'll give you a hint. ""Ohhh, yeah, yeah!"" Comprende?" You mean...and orgasm? +You mean...and orgasm? You got it, stud. +You got it, stud. Well...I'm pretty sure I've -- +Well...I'm pretty sure I've -- No you haven't. +No you haven't. But that one time -- +But that one time -- No. +No. Well of course I'd want to give her that. I mean, what do you think, I don't care about her? +Well of course I'd want to give her that. I mean, what do you think, I don't care about her? Do you? +Do you? Of course. +Of course. Do you love her? +I -- I don't know, you can't ask me that. Well, if you want to get her in the sack, tell her you love her. That's how I was duped. +Well, if you want to get her in the sack, tell her you love her. That's how I was duped. I don't want to dupe her, Jessica. If I say it, I have to be sure I mean it. +I don't want to dupe her, Jessica. If I say it, I have to be sure I mean it. Well it's up to you. The Big L, or the Big O. +No comment. No comment?! Are you kidding me?! I've never seen someone's image change so...so drastically! +No comment?! Are you kidding me?! I've never seen someone's image change so...so drastically! Thanks. It was my idea. +Thanks. It was my idea. Did you guys hook up or something? +Did you guys hook up or something? Are you kidding? No. +Are you kidding? No. Then what the hell are you talking about? +Then what the hell are you talking about? "Well...I guess it's okay for me to tell you now. That reputation of his isn't going anywhere. Finch comes to me and says, ""Jessica, I need help with this, blah blah, etcetera."" So I told him, pay me two- hundred bucks, and I'll tell a couple girls that you're dynamite in bed. So he did, and I did." +"Well...I guess it's okay for me to tell you now. That reputation of his isn't going anywhere. Finch comes to me and says, ""Jessica, I need help with this, blah blah, etcetera."" So I told him, pay me two- hundred bucks, and I'll tell a couple girls that you're dynamite in bed. So he did, and I did." I don't get it, that really works? +I don't get it, that really works? Duh. Of course. Naturally, I embellished a little bit. Hey, did you hear that Finch had sex with an older woman? +Oooh, yeah. Oh, baby, you're so good. Yeah, I'm the best, baby. +Give it to me! Yes! Oh yeah, baby, I'll give it to you. +Don't you love my sexy body?! I do, baby, I do. +You're so big! Yeah, that's right. +Fuck me! Yes! Uh... +And you said... Nothing, I just hugged her back. +Nothing, I just hugged her back. You think she was serious? +You think she was serious? "I couldn't tell -- She could've meant like, ""I love you grandma"" or ""I love you Vanderbilt.""" +There's our man. Finch, you got the Latin homework? +"Unlisted age, plus ""youthful mind,"" equals old." "No, ""Charming"" is old. ""Older"" is really old. ""Youthful mind"" is dead." +Alright...I'm shooting for a nine o'clock ETA. Beer in hand by five after. You can crash at Stifler's? +You can crash at Stifler's? It's all good. Breath check. +At least now I know what the hell they're saying. So, does my hair look better -- like this, or... like this? +What about you? You're the one with the girlfriend and you're still stranded on third base. You know, I've never got that shit. What exactly constitutes third base? +Gotta go. But -- +Ow, what the hell? Sorry, I thought you were dead. +Like a bet? No, a pact. No money involved. This is more important than any bet. Now here's the deal: We all get laid before we graduate. +That's what we are, we keep each other on track. Prior to this day, we've postured. We've procrastinated. We've pretended. We've -- well I can't think of other p-words, but we've probably done them too. Pontificated. +Pontificated. Separately, we are flawed and vulnerable. But together, we are the masters of our sexual destiny! +Separately, we are flawed and vulnerable. But together, we are the masters of our sexual destiny! Their tiger-style kung-fu is strong; but our dragon style will defeat it! +Yeah, it's like tradition or something. Right. That gives us... +Right. That gives us... Exactly three weeks to the day. +I have no idea. Finch showers in a bathing suit. No -- it's true. He is...really... big. +No -- it's true. He is...really... big. Yeah, enormous. +Hey, where's Finch? Went home to shit. +Went home to shit. I don't get it. How does a guy like that get this sudden reputation? +You can send me the address too. Well...dammit, if I'm doing this, how the hell am I gonna watch? +Well...dammit, if I'm doing this, how the hell am I gonna watch? I'll save you a seat. +Did I miss anything?! Just in time. +But, but -- what would I do? Anything! Just tell her it looks like she needs an extra hand or something. +Anything! Just tell her it looks like she needs an extra hand or something. That's stupid. +That's stupid. No, you're stupid. Get going! Right now! She's primed! +No, you're stupid. Get going! Right now! She's primed! Oh...oh...oh, shit! +Oh boy oh God oh crap oh no. Come on, Jim. Where are you? +Please, God. Let this be it. He's going in! +Holy shit. Holy shit! +Hey, minuteman. Shut up. You're supposed to be supportive. +How do you know that? She's already on a plane back home. +Yeah? Well come prom night, those excuses aren't going to do you much good. Jesus, Kevin, rub it in. +Yeeeeeeeaaaawwwwww! You fuckin' rule! +Alright, how do you guys stand? Well, Finch, I know where you are, but you can't use that as an excuse. Jim? My date's a flute-toting band dork. That answer your question? +My date's a flute-toting band dork. That answer your question? Oz, how about you and Heather? Now you guys are a couple or something? +Back out? You don't need us to get laid. You afraid or something? No, but come on guys, we made a pact! +Kevin, come on, the bus to Stifler's is gonna be here soon. I'm not going. +No, no that's fine. So you doing okay? Yeah. +What the heck is this? Nothing! +Can I come in? Yeah, sure. +Yeah, sure. You're not...busy? +You're not...busy? Dad, come in. +Okay. These are for you. From father to son. +I know, Dad. Oh, okay. Here's let me show you. +Dad! I know! Do you know about the clitoris? +Do you know about the clitoris? Yes dad. +Yes dad. Sometimes it can be pretty hard to locate. +Sometimes it can be pretty hard to locate. Thank you, dad, I got it. +Thank you, dad, I got it. Okay, well that about covers it. +Jim? It's not what it looks like! +Dad, please stop. Please. I'm sure I know what you're talking about. Sure you know, son, but I think you've been having a little problem with it. It's okay, though. What you're doing is perfectly normal. It's like practice. Like when you play tennis against a wall. Some day, there'll be a partner returning the ball. You do want a partner, don't you son? +Sure you know, son, but I think you've been having a little problem with it. It's okay, though. What you're doing is perfectly normal. It's like practice. Like when you play tennis against a wall. Some day, there'll be a partner returning the ball. You do want a partner, don't you son? Yes. +Yes. "That's great. Now remember, it's okay to play with yourself. Or, as I always called it -- ""Stroke the salami!"" Ho-ho, Jim. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, I'm fifty-two, and I still enjoy masturbating. Uncle Mort masturbates. We all masturbate." +Son. This lady's here for you. I know. Hey Nadia. +Dad. Oh, no, not too much of a bookworm. He's a good little kid. Er, guy. Man. +Oh, no, not too much of a bookworm. He's a good little kid. Er, guy. Man. Dad!! +Dad!! Okay, okay. I'll let you hit those books. +Hold on. You have no idea why I'm angry? Is it because we have a test tomorrow? Sometimes I get cranky when I know I have a big test to study for. +Is it because we have a test tomorrow? Sometimes I get cranky when I know I have a big test to study for. Yeah, that's pretty much it. +Yeah, that's pretty much it. I thought so. Because, one time? I was at this -- +I thought so. Because, one time? I was at this -- What was your name again? +What was your name again? Michelle. +Michelle. Okay. Michelle, do you want to be my date for the prom? +Okay. Michelle, do you want to be my date for the prom? Really? You seriously want to go with me? +Really? You seriously want to go with me? Yes. Seriously. +Yes. Seriously. Are we going to Steve Stifler's party afterwards? That would be so cool. +Are we going to Steve Stifler's party afterwards? That would be so cool. Whatever you want. +Whatever you want. Cool! We're gonna have so much fun! It's like this one time, at band camp... +You know, at band camp? We have dances like this. Only they're way funner. Don't you think prom is just highly overrated? Highly, highly overrated. +Stifler's mom got it in the divorce. It reminds me of this one time -- Hey, can I ask you a question? How come you don't have any stories? I've got lots of stories, and you don't have any. +It reminds me of this one time -- Hey, can I ask you a question? How come you don't have any stories? I've got lots of stories, and you don't have any. Oh, I've got stories, believe me. They're a little more risque than tales of Band Camp. +Oh, I've got stories, believe me. They're a little more risque than tales of Band Camp. Are they gross or something, like guy stuff? Tell me. +Are they gross or something, like guy stuff? Tell me. Okay. You want a story? Here's a story. Stifler finds this beer, right? And... +That is a nasty story! I told you. +I told you. You wanna hear a nasty story of mine? It's kind of sexual. +Yeah, bring it on! Well, this one time? At band camp? We were playing this game, I don't know if you know it? But it's called spin the bottle? And I had to kiss this guy named Marc Wander on the lips? And... +So, the end of the story is...you had to kiss the guy for twenty seconds? Yes! And he was such a dork! And everyone laughed at me, but I didn't care? Because it was so funny! +Yes! And he was such a dork! And everyone laughed at me, but I didn't care? Because it was so funny! Okay, I get it. +Okay, I get it. Oh! And then this one time? At band camp? I stuck a flute in my pussy. +...excuse me?! What, you think I don't know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is! Sex ed! +This'll do. Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both, it'll desensitize you. I don't want you coming so damn early. +Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both, it'll desensitize you. I don't want you coming so damn early. Why, uh, what makes you think that I -- +Why, uh, what makes you think that I -- Come on. I saw you on the net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing! +Are you gonna do what I think you're gonna do? Don't you want me to? +Don't you want me to? Oh yeah! Put it in your mouth! +Oh yeah! Put it in your mouth! Okay! +Illegal channels? Shit, if there's any channel that should be illegal, it's whatever that women's channel is. Lifetime Supply of Pantyhose, or some shit. Yeah -- hey, did you see The Little Mermaid on TV the other night? That Ariel, whew. +Yeah -- hey, did you see The Little Mermaid on TV the other night? That Ariel, whew. She's a mermaid, dude. +She's a mermaid, dude. Yeah, Oz, but not when she's on land. +Yeah, Oz, but not when she's on land. She's a cartoon, dude. +She's a cartoon, dude. A hot cartoon. +A hot cartoon. Is there anything you don't jerk off to? +Is there anything you don't jerk off to? C-Span? +You guys got the Latin homework? No -- Kevin, you? +"Ooh, here's an easy one: ""Attractive SWF, fun loving and a youthful mind seeks outgoing companion."" Okay...""Attractive""...ugly." """Fun loving"" -- insane." +This was remade? Into what? Bli-hinded by the light -- cut loose like a deuce, another runner in the night, blinded... +Who cares? Nadia does, that Czechoslovakian chick, she might be there tonight. Now, do you think she'd prefer -- Cool Hip Jim... or Laid Back Jim? +Shortstop. 'Course, you don't make it to third, and you're out. So let's say you get there...what's uh, third base feel like? +Feels like warm apple pie, dude. Apple pie... McDonald's or homemade? +Hey, you did better than I did, Nova. Oh that's really reassuring. And don't call me Nova anymore. I'm a fraud. +Hey guys, you came to watch me in action? Yeah, I think you sounded pretty good. +You can do that? Oh -- no way. I can't do that to her. +You've still got a chance with Nadia, right? No. Her sponsors here saw the thing on the net. I don't think they liked it. +I still think you're okay. So do I, Kev. +There it is. I want to grab my bag. Oh, and my date. Come on, Kevin. Vicky's looking for you. +I'll just say that we had a great night together. Hang in there, buddy, you'll get there. +Hang in there, buddy, you'll get there. I know. +It's true. I mean, after this, everything'll be different. After getting laid? +After getting laid? After high school. +What's up, fellas? Hey Sherman. Scopin' the babes. +Hey Sherman. Scopin' the babes. Indeed. Some fine ladies here, boys. Confidence is high, repeat, confidence is high. Sherman is moving to DefCon Two, full strategic arsenal ready for deployment. +Indeed. Some fine ladies here, boys. Confidence is high, repeat, confidence is high. Sherman is moving to DefCon Two, full strategic arsenal ready for deployment. You've got something going? +You've got something going? Did you see that Central chick? Brunette? +You did it. Fellas, say goodbye to Chuck Sherman, the boy. I am now a man. +Yes. I thought so. +No...you...go...ahead. Okay. +You are very good in the world history class, yes? Me? +Yes. No. Yes. Perhaps you can help me with my studies? +Okay...that would be cool sometime. How 'bout tomorrow? Well, I do have ballet practice. Perhaps I can come by your house afterwards. I can change clothes at your place? +Well, I do have ballet practice. Perhaps I can come by your house afterwards. I can change clothes at your place? I suppose that would be okay. +So you need to change, right? Do you mind? This fabric is so uncomfortable. +James! You have come in here on purpose?! Well...uh... +Well...uh... Shame on you! +Shame on you! Uh...yeah...sorry. +Uh...yeah...sorry. Well. You have seen me. Now it is my turn to see you. Strip. +Well. You have seen me. Now it is my turn to see you. Strip. Strip? +Strip? Yes, slowly. +You mean like, strip strip? For me? +Uh... Move with the music. +Move with the music. Um...okay... +No, no, you must put your whole body into it. Nadia, I can't -- +Nadia, I can't -- Can't what? Do you not want to be with me? I wish to be entertained, James. +Jim... Oh no. +You are done, James. Perhaps I should be going now. No, no, I'm not done! I've got reserves! Nadia, please please please. I'm begging you. +Did you see this? This is your more exotic dirty magazine. Yes...James, it is knowing that these beautiful women arouse you that arouses me... +Yes...James, it is knowing that these beautiful women arouse you that arouses me... Oh yes. Very arousing women. They arouse me very much. But not as arousing as you. +No, not again. I am sorry, Jim. I suppose we will not be doing any studying now. +I am sorry, Jim. I suppose we will not be doing any studying now. No! I've got...reserve reserves! +Stifler, you're such an asshole. Meyers, what's the deal with you and Vicky, anyway? You've been going out since Homecoming and all she'll do is blow you? Shit, I'd drop her like a steaming turd. +SUCK ME, BEAUTIFUL! God dammit, Stifler! +God dammit, Stifler! Check-out time! Please vacate the room. +Ho-lee shit. This just got a hell of a lot better. +Kevin! You seen Shitbreak lately? Oh no, Stifler, what did you do? +Oh no, Stifler, what did you do? Me? Nothing. I'm the one whose ass he kicked. I'll tell you one thing, though. I don't think he's gonna have a problem shitting in school anymore. +It's a big, thick envelope, Vicky. You got in. You think so? +"""Dear Ms. Hughes. We're sorry, but after keeping you on the wait list for the past couple months, we've decided you are now rejected. Enclosed is a 100-page, full-color brochure on how rejected you are.""" Kevin, this is serious! +Kevin, this is serious! You got in. +Oh, Kev. Vicky -- do you think, maybe...it's time for us to take the next step in our relationship? +Vicky -- do you think, maybe...it's time for us to take the next step in our relationship? Tonight? +Tonight? Yeah, it's such a perfect evening. Isn't this how you've always pictured it? +Let me know. Okay, don't stop. +Vicky, wait. Not for you. +I was being selfish. And majorly insensitive. And I'm a total idiot. "I think ""shithead"" really says it." +"I think ""shithead"" really says it." Yes! I'm a shithead! I'm a complete and total shithead! +And I want to try to make it up to you. How? +Oh...ungghhhhh! Shhhh. Your parents are downstairs. +Oh Kevin -- don't stop! Just a second! +You're not doing the extra credit problems. No, I'm not. I'm writing a sequence of random numbers that look like I'm doing the extra credit problems. Mr. Bender doesn't bother to check homework past April. +No, I'm not. I'm writing a sequence of random numbers that look like I'm doing the extra credit problems. Mr. Bender doesn't bother to check homework past April. That's my trick! +That's my trick! It's everyone's trick, Kevin. But I did pick it up from you. +We've come a long way since Homecoming. Yeah, we have. You corrupted my four- point into a three-nine-five. +Yeah, we have. You corrupted my four- point into a three-nine-five. Indeed I did. But, our relationship. It's progressed a lot. It's time for us to...express ourselves in new ways. +Like how? Well, I feel that...things are getting to that point in a relationship. When two people share...a special moment between them. +Well, I feel that...things are getting to that point in a relationship. When two people share...a special moment between them. I think you're so right, Kevin. +I think you're so right, Kevin. You want to do it? +You want to do it? Yes -- +Kevin? Do you not love me? No, I don't not love you. I like, I know that we've definitely got something between us. Something good. Something special. +No, I don't not love you. I like, I know that we've definitely got something between us. Something good. Something special. But you don't love me. +But you don't love me. "I didn't say that. I mean, love, it's like a term that gets thrown around. People say things, they get married, have kids, and then what? It's like they call it off, going ""I was wrong.""" +Kevin...you're not your dad. The two of us, we're not your parents. I know, Vick. I'm just not ready yet, okay? +I know, Vick. I'm just not ready yet, okay? Okay. +Hey... Did you know that it's...450 miles from Ann Arbor to Nashville? +Did you know that it's...450 miles from Ann Arbor to Nashville? It's like a six or seven hour drive. That's easy, I don't mind driving. +About the other day...I've been thinking. So have I. And I know you want to make things perfect for me. And I understand that you really wouldn't tell me that until you were 100% comfortable with it. +And I want to make things perfect for you. You're right, Kev, we do have something good...and special. Yeah, we have something great, Vick. +Yeah, we have something great, Vick. Kevin... I want to have sex with you. +Now?! No...I know the perfect time... +See -- this is the nicest room. Wow, Kev...it's perfect. +You comfortable? Yeah, are you? +Yeah, are you? Yeah. +You sure you're comfortable? Yeah. Are you sure? +Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. +Yeah. Me too. +Me too. Okay. Did you bring a condom? +Okay. Did you bring a condom? Yeah, right here. +So, do you want to be -- I mean, how do you want to do it? I don't know. How do you? +I don't know. How do you? Like, normal style. The...missionary position. +Like, normal style. The...missionary position. Okay. +Yeah Vick? I want to hear you say it. +I want to hear you say it. Okay. +Victoria...I love you. I love you. +That was a great night. Yeah. +I can't believe we just had our senior prom. Yeah, the time went by so fast. +Yeah, the time went by so fast. It did. +Kevin, next year...with you in Ann Arbor, and me in Nashville...it's not gonna work, is it. Don't say that, we can do it somehow. It might not be perfect, but -- +Don't say that, we can do it somehow. It might not be perfect, but -- No, Kevin -- That's the whole thing, that's what I've been realizing. That nothing's perfect, that you can't plan everything. +Vicky...last night...I wasn't lying. I know. Let's go. Don't you have something to tell your friends? +I know. Let's go. Don't you have something to tell your friends? What? +What? Your little pact. Jessica told me all about it. Way to go, Kev! +You called me to ask me how to get laid? What was I gonna do, call dad? I don't even know his number. +What was I gonna do, call dad? I don't even know his number. Just dial 976-Asshole. +Just dial 976-Asshole. Yeah, well anyway...I thought you might have some advice, brother to brother. I mean, I think tonight she might, we might really, there's a chance that -- you know. +Yeah, well anyway...I thought you might have some advice, brother to brother. I mean, I think tonight she might, we might really, there's a chance that -- you know. Have you ever heard of the bible? +Have you ever heard of the bible? What? Not the Bible? +What? Not the Bible? Well, that's not really the name, but we always called it that. +Well, that's not really the name, but we always called it that. Does it tell me how to get laid? +Does it tell me how to get laid? You know what, nevermind. You're not ready. +You know what, nevermind. You're not ready. Ready for what? +Ready for what? Whoop, you're fading out. Good luck at that party. +Say that again, Kevin? Uh...I thought you might know a trick or something. To make her, you know... +Try the spicy tuna hand roll. What?! How do I do that? +What?! How do I do that? Uh -- forget that. Look, is that all you're interested in? Ways to get your girlfriend into bed? +Uh -- forget that. Look, is that all you're interested in? Ways to get your girlfriend into bed? Well, no. I think...I guess it would be good to be able to return the favor. I mean, it would be nice to know she enjoys things as much as I do. +Well, no. I think...I guess it would be good to be able to return the favor. I mean, it would be nice to know she enjoys things as much as I do. That's good, that's what I needed to hear. Now you qualify. +That's good, that's what I needed to hear. Now you qualify. Qualify for what? +Qualify for what? You've just inherited The Bible. +Hey. I got another question for you. What's that? +Then she said -- she loves me. Oh shit dude, the L-word! +You ever hear of something called The Bible? Once, in church, dude. +Dude, I wish you wouldn't do that. You got something up your sleeve for tonight, Finch? +And little hurly-burly came by in her curly-wurly, and asked me if I needed I ri-hide -- How the hell do you know all these random songs? +How the hell do you know all these random songs? It's early Springsteen, dude, this is classic. This was before the cheesy remake. +Contact, dude. Then where does a blowjob figure in? +Feeling better, Oz? I'm such a loser. +I'm such a loser. That's the spirit. +I put in months of quality time with Vicky. Sherman meets a chick for one night and scores? This is just wrong. No shit, I'm never gonna get laid. How the hell am I gonna become this Mr. Sensitive Man? +Dude, it's not like I haven't been trying to get laid. This is different. This is better. Think of when you're working out, Oz. You need a partner, someone to spot you. Someone to keep you motivated. +The Sha-lin masters from east and west must unite! Guys, guys -- you're ruining my fucking moment here. Now think about it -- +So, I'm thinking prom is basically our last big chance. Dude, prom sucks. +Dude, prom sucks. I know, but think about it -- At the parties that night. Chicks are gonna want to do it. +So does your tongue cramp up? Nah, you get kind of dizzy though. +What reputation? Observe. +Okay, explain. I can't, I have no idea how he's doing it. And that leaves you trailing, Jim. You gotta get your act together. +Dammit, Kevin, what's with the attitude? Attitude? Me? I think that you guys should be more enthusiastic. Shit, we've been trying to get laid forever, and tonight's the night we've been waiting for. We're in this together. Don't back out on me now! +Kevin, it was just a -- It was a pact. You break it and there are no excuses. You guys have to -- +...Guess what? I don't care. +And by the way, Sherman didn't even get laid. He didn't? +I guess we'll call you two-ply. Yeah. So you want double condiments on that? +Wow. You two really have something going, don't you? I think we're falling in love. +Yeah, but we'll still see each other. Fuck yeah we will. +NOVA!! Stifler!! +You coming to party tonight, Ostreicher, ya fuckface? Depends if my date wants to stop by. +Depends if my date wants to stop by. That junior chick? +That junior chick? Nah, gave her the Heisman. I'm working on something new. +Nah, gave her the Heisman. I'm working on something new. Yeah right. I got an idea for something new. How 'bout you guys actually locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fuckin' use 'em. +Yeah right. I got an idea for something new. How 'bout you guys actually locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fuckin' use 'em. Dude, it's gotta happen -- she's a college chick! +Dude, it's gotta happen -- she's a college chick! Bullshit. From where? +Bullshit. From where? She works part-time at my dad's store. +She works part-time at my dad's store. Hah! Yeah, Oz, I bet it's more like your dad works at her store. +Hah! Yeah, Oz, I bet it's more like your dad works at her store. Dude, he does not. +You actually said that?! Haaaah!! Shut the fuck up. +I think you need your balls reattached. Keep it down, dude. +Keep it down, dude. What the fuck are you doing here? +What the fuck are you doing here? This place is an untapped resource. Check it out, dude, these vocal jazz girls are hot. +You dipshit, you're expecting to score with some goody-goody choir-girl priss? Dude, watch me work. They go for sensitive studs like me. +Yeah! Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo. +Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo. Stifler, fuck -- ...man, you don't have to be so insensitive. +Hey, you know, what can I say, I dig those cute little sweaters she wears. I'll bet you do, you little horndog, she's givin' you fuckin' stiffies, right? +Oh my fucking God. You're gay. Come on, you know the words, sing along. +Come on, you know the words, sing along. No thanks, you've been singing that shit all week. If you try that at MSU this Saturday, I'm pretending I don't know you. +Our last game is this Saturday. No shit. +God, I can't believe there are so many cool people at this party. Yep. +Here, babe. Thanks. +Really? Uh huh. +I don't know if I want to be doing this. Doing what? +You know. If we hook up, tomorrow I'll just be some girl you go telling all your friends about. No way. +Hanging is nice. Never goes out of style. What about hare-kare - a taste of the Orient? But no! You're in Paris! Try the Guillotine! There's one in the Louvre! I'd use pills. They're painless. +I'd use pills. They're painless. Oh give me a break! He could use pills back in America! Why not get a little culture? +Let's face it. It's a, how do you say... mother-fucker. But we're all in it together. That's why we're trying to help you. Exactly. +Merde! Just missed! Uhh! Would you die already! +Geez, I feel bad for him. Maybe we should've told him abou - Are you crazy!? You know that's totally impractical. Besides, like the Bible says... An eye for an eye... +Look, the more you think about it, the harder it is. Just like sex with my wife. +Just like sex with my wife. The key is don't look down. +The key is don't look down. Also like sex with my wife. +Also like sex with my wife. Would you shut up? +Tell you what, we'll jump together. Sure. We wouldn't ask you to do anything we wouldn't do. Now give me your hand... that's it... +Merde! I can't believe this! You try to be a good sport, and look what happens. +I mean, if by some miracle you can find the werewolf that bit you, and then manage to eat it's heart, the curse is lifted. I was gonna tell you but Marcel wouldn't let me. Oh sure, it was all mean old Marcel's idea. Give me a break! We didn't tell you because it's a wild goose chase! Not to mention disgusting. Look... +Either way works for us... But you better hurry. +Actually, I'm waiting for someone. What a coincidence, I am someone! Mmm. Calvin Klein's Obsession. Now it's mine too. +God. How can you eat like that? It's all in the tongue. Another bottle? +Wow. You know Kung Fu or something? Yeah. Apparently. +Ha ha. You were probably right about his mom. Hope I didn't hurt him too bad. +Hope I didn't hurt him too bad. Who gives a shit? I've had it up to here with arrogant Frenchmen. +Who gives a shit? I've had it up to here with arrogant Frenchmen. Up to there? Really? I bet I could beat that. +Up to there? Really? I bet I could beat that. Ha ha! Yeah right, white boy! Ha Ha ha. I think maybe I drank too much. +Ha ha! Yeah right, white boy! Ha Ha ha. I think maybe I drank too much. Ah. The mating call of the blonde. The night is young, the moon is bright, whataya feel like doing tonight? +Ah. The mating call of the blonde. The night is young, the moon is bright, whataya feel like doing tonight? I don't know... Surprise me. +Ahh! Jesus! You're burning hot! What the hell - AHHHHHHH! +Thanks for the lovely evening, shithead! Aaaaa! Jesus! This isn't happening. I'm still hallucinating. Shit! +Face it boyfriend. This is really happening. No it isn't! You're dead! +Okay... dead or undead... what do you want from me? A-duh... You're a werewolf. And we, as your victims, have to walk the earth until your curse is lifted. +A-duh... You're a werewolf. And we, as your victims, have to walk the earth until your curse is lifted. Uh huh... And, supposing I believed that, what could I do about it? +Look, I didn't mean to hurt anybody... God, I didn't mean to... to... Rip my face off? Hey, we all make mistakes. Hell, I didn't mean to sleep with you on the first night, especially without a condom. But I did, and now I'm paying the price. +Hey, you can't kick me! You're an apparition! What, all of a sudden you got a degree in supernatural law? +Ha-ha! Oh, big man. You can beat up a couple of cadavers. Well let me make something real clear, asshole. If you don't kill yourself, at midnight tonight you're gonna transform and murder innocent people! +Oh fuck, you are his nephew... Yeah, that's the word. And you are? +Yeah, that's the word. And you are? Serafine Flocquet. I work for your uncle. +Serafine Flocquet. I work for your uncle. You? You're Madame Flocquet? I pictured a fat lady with an apron, not - I don't know - La Femme Nikita. +Sure. I can follow that. It's a fucking nightmare, isn't it? +It's a fucking nightmare, isn't it? Yeah. True. The cops weren't much help either. Their theory is he was moonlighting as a drug dealer or something. Make sense to you? +Yeah. True. The cops weren't much help either. Their theory is he was moonlighting as a drug dealer or something. Make sense to you? Police. They have their head in their asshole and they still can't find shit. +Police. They have their head in their asshole and they still can't find shit. Well put. So, what exactly has uncle Terrence been up to lately? +Salots! Shitfucker! What? +What? If you leave it for more than a few minutes it locks up. Now I must reboot and type a dozen fucking passwords. He was security crazy. +You must not have known him very well. He's not like that. Hey, Sorry if I was out of line. +Hey, Sorry if I was out of line. You were. I have work to do. The publisher wants the transcripts by Monday. Go. Make yourself at home. +You were. I have work to do. The publisher wants the transcripts by Monday. Go. Make yourself at home. Fine. My mistake. You know, I'm gonna be a writer myself some day. +Fine. My mistake. You know, I'm gonna be a writer myself some day. Uh-huh. Good for you. +Medusa... What's this? some kind of club? It's nothing. A stupid party. Not really a night club, it's, uh... +It's nothing. A stupid party. Not really a night club, it's, uh... Like an underground club? +Like an underground club? Yes. It's a bad place. Weird people. Strange things go on. +Yes. It's a bad place. Weird people. Strange things go on. And who's Claude? +Professor Claude Rousel. The one your uncle was working with. He teaches cultural history. In an underground club? I'd like to see that. +I'm serious. There's nothing for you down there. It's dangerous. "Come on. I'm from New York - the ""shoot me"" state. Don't wait up." +What good can you do? Why are you being so fucking stupid? Maybe I didn't know him like you did. But he's my uncle. And I owe it to him to get some answers. It's a quest like, uh, Hemingway, the Old Man and The Sea. Except instead of an old man I'm a young man, and instead of the sea, it's a bunch of tunnels under Paris. And instead of a big fish it's... who knows? That's what I'm going to find out. Au revoir. +Wait a second, are you like the Steven King of France or something... Andy! +So you came after all. Just in time, it's getting interesting. You must get out of here. It's not safe. +Andy! Holy shit! Serafine...? +Thank God! What a relief! I thought... After you disappeared... I couldn't find you... I thought all sorts of horrible things... Yeah... Ditto. I saw, er, I thought I saw you get munched... like Uncle Terrence... +What happened? Did you cut yourself? Um... sort of... Maybe... It's all kind of blurry. We met at the club, then... Damn, that was some weird shit. +You have to be a hero. All Americans think they are cowboys. I was an Indian, actually. Man, that damn psycho paint...! If that's supposed to be mild, I don't want to know about medium. The planet earth. It's good to be back. +I was an Indian, actually. Man, that damn psycho paint...! If that's supposed to be mild, I don't want to know about medium. The planet earth. It's good to be back. So... you feel okay now? +Fan-fucking-tastic? Hey, what more could I want? I survived my first and last hallucinogenic hellride, and neither of us is dead. I'd say I feel almost as great as you look. +Come on Serafine. Let's go out. Show me the real Paris, the part that isn't overpriced and overrun with German tourists. Go to Jim Morrison's grave at Pere Lachaise. It's overrun with American tourists. I have to work. +Go to Jim Morrison's grave at Pere Lachaise. It's overrun with American tourists. I have to work. I know! Let's go hock loogies off the Eiffel Tower! +What about food? Even beautiful women have to eat. It's true. I read it. Please? A half an hour? My treat? Pleez! Don't make go out there alone again! I'm begging you! Okay. But I'm back in half an hour. +What about your glasses? It's okay. I can see fine. +Don't you want to change? Man! Our first date and already you're trying to get me to change! You French women work quick! +Shit! You bought enough pate for a fucking army! So tell me, exactly which truck driver did you study English with? +Like I should talk. Monsieur foot-in- the-mouth. I'm really sorry about that whole Woody Allen thing... So's Woody Allen. No, your uncle really helped me. I was sort of messed up for a while. Wasting my time just partying and... just stupid shit. He kind of woke me up, gave me a job, got me taking classes. You know, he and Claude, their work is controversial, but they're serious about it. Totally dedicated. +So's Woody Allen. No, your uncle really helped me. I was sort of messed up for a while. Wasting my time just partying and... just stupid shit. He kind of woke me up, gave me a job, got me taking classes. You know, he and Claude, their work is controversial, but they're serious about it. Totally dedicated. That's what counts. If you're not passionate about it, don't waste your time. That's why I quit college... Plus I'm a lazy bastard. Wait, I know this... A votre sante. +That's what counts. If you're not passionate about it, don't waste your time. That's why I quit college... Plus I'm a lazy bastard. Wait, I know this... A votre sante. A la votre. +This looks familiar... Ahh, Rodin. Mmm! He's the fuc- I mean, he's the best. You must go to the Rodin sculpture garden, in the huitieme, it's so beautiful. +Serafine... I'll be right back. Stay put. +Fixing your makeup with a phone, huh? Who the fuck are you calling? Professor Roussel. There's something wrong with you. I know it. +Professor Roussel. There's something wrong with you. I know it. Roussel? You mean Claude? You're calling Dr. Demento so he can come paint my face again? Fuck that. +Hello? Are you okay? +Are you okay? No, I don't think so... I was having a nightmare. Wait a second... +No, I don't think so... I was having a nightmare. Wait a second... Where did you go last night? What did you do? +Where did you go last night? What did you do? I don't... I... I can't remember... +I don't... I... I can't remember... Listen, I'm coming over. Don't go anywhere. Stay right there. +I'm not alright. We both know that. The only reason I'm here now is to warn you. You're still in danger. Gaston told me that Claude has got the curse too. He's a werewolf. I know. He told me. +I know. He told me. What?! He told you? When? +You two faced bastard. I knew you were full of shit. Andy! No! +Because, Andy. It's a cure. A cure? +Andy... I should never have let you go underground. I'm sorry... I had to be a damn Hemingway hero. Well I'll tell ya, the old man and the sea didn't go through half this shit. +What makes you so sure this will work? I told you. He already tried to contact me once. If you saw his face... He was desperate to tell me something. I owe him this. +I told you. He already tried to contact me once. If you saw his face... He was desperate to tell me something. I owe him this. I don't know... +I don't know... Listen, either he wastes away as a pathetic vegetable or he can give what's left of his life to save hundreds of potential victims. He's a McDermott. I know what his choice would be. +Listen, either he wastes away as a pathetic vegetable or he can give what's left of his life to save hundreds of potential victims. He's a McDermott. I know what his choice would be. I suppose you're right. But I still don't like it. +They're coming! Shit. What have I done? Stall them! I'll meet you out back. +I saw him. Just before those bastards zapped him back. The ADM is in the wine cellar, in a bottle of Chateau Margaux. I didn't know he had a wine cellar. +I didn't know he had a wine cellar. Guess that's why he hid it there. Let's go. +Are you crazy!? Before Hemingway, there was Starsky and Hutch. +What the fuck!? You too!? I... I didn't think you would... I'm sorry... I believed that son-of-a- bitch... +I hope they fucking fry us all. Yeah. French fries... +Holy mother of God... Fuck me... +Andy?... What? What is it? Andy... are you okay? It was you... That night in the tunnels. You. You did this to me. +It was you... That night in the tunnels. You. You did this to me. No I.... Andy, you can't be sure. +No I.... Andy, you can't be sure. That's the scar where I stabbed you! Oh God... You deliberately took me down there so you could... God, I can't believe it! +You made me go there. I tried to stop you! You wouldn't listen! What was I? Your idea of a fuckin' hors d'oeuvre? Huh? +What was I? Your idea of a fuckin' hors d'oeuvre? Huh? Shut up! You fucking shut up! What do you want? Huh? What the hell do you want? +Here! Come on! Do it! Go ahead. What...? +What...? You know what. Kill me. Cut out my fucking heart. Go on! Do it! +We don't both have to die. I couldn't do it. Not to you. +We can't stop him. Not now. Handcuffed, with no kind of weapons. Please Andy... No. We have to try. We'll figure something out. And if midnight comes before we can get to him, well, then we go together. Deal? Shake a paw? +I know where he'll go. Where? +Where? Somewhere where there are no police, and plenty to eat. +Didn't even have to ask. All your weapons, on the floor! Now! +No wonder he let her go. Really. +God. I can't believe it. What? +What? It's making me hungry. +What does it say? """Stop! Beyond this passage lie the catacombs of Paris: the exclusive domain of the dead.""" +Whoa... After the revolution, the Paris cemeteries overflowed. They dug up all the old bodies and brought them here. Seven million people. Mostly very poor. +After the revolution, the Paris cemeteries overflowed. They dug up all the old bodies and brought them here. Seven million people. Mostly very poor. Pretty stylish digs for a bunch of paupers. +Pretty stylish digs for a bunch of paupers. Well, they are French. +Well, they are French. Right. +These tunnels must loop around and connect. Let's go from both ends. We'll cut him off. +Okay. Be careful. You too. +Oh God. Shit... Andy... +Hey! You shouldn't be down there! FOR GOD'S SAKES, LET ME OUT!! +GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!! """Fuck""? You think I don't know this word ""fuck""? Is that how you talk to policemen in America?" +Okay, what the hell are you up to? It bit me! My leg! Jesus, it's down there, shoot it! Shoot it for Christ's sakes! +There's something down there! A bear or something! A god damn monster! Beau coup teeth! Huge, Grande, with yellow eyes, all this hair, it killed Serafine! My God... You on drugs? Huh? +You on drugs? Huh? No... I... +Pull over! Now! Shit! +It's you. You should be dead in that wreck with Bazin and Racine! Shhh! Be quiet, man! We're not alone - +Shhh! Be quiet, man! We're not alone - Shut up! Save your stories. The only thing I want to hear is you begging for your life. I want to see you suffer, like they did. Haha! You're scared now, eh? Come on. Where's the scary monster now huh? Ha ha... We'll see who - +In Paris we have an expression for people like you: Enculé d'Americain. Yeah? In New York we got an expression too. Goes like this... +Where's the ADM? Where did your uncle put it? Man, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. +Man, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Bullshit! Your uncle told you! +Bullshit! Your uncle told you! My uncle's in a coma you moron! +My uncle's in a coma you moron! Before the coma! +Before the coma! He didn't tell me anything. All he said was Saint Severin... +Saint Severin? The church? So you know all about the ADM! Where is it! Tell me! Tell me or else! Or else what? You'll kill me? +Or else what? You'll kill me? No. But I'll kill your fucking girlfriend! +No. But I'll kill your fucking girlfriend! You'll never get the chance. +Don't be an idiot! I'm not the only one. If I die, Serafine dies! Bullshit! You're bluffing! +Bullshit! You're bluffing! What, you think Claude hangs out underground cause he likes to dance? +Claude...? And you call me a moron... +The ADM. Let's go. Yeah, okay. Just gimme a minute to freshen up. +So, if you and the nutty professor are both werewolves, what do you want with drugs? You like seeing lots of pretty colors when you're tearing people's throats out? If you know about the church, why ask such stupid questions? +What's the problem? Hey, I'm new here, what do you want? +Do you think I'm an idiot? Sure. Don't you? +Another step and he's dead! Go ahead Serafine. Blow him away. +You bastard! God! I should've known. You wanted the cure all for yourself! Cure!? Ha-ha-ha! +Ha. Some wonder drug... Why isn't it doing anything!? +Nothing's happening! Looks like he lied to you too. +You recognize her? What?! +We know you were with her. Oh shit... No... +Oh shit... No... That's not all... Marcel - Officer Boulard was following you. +That's not all... Marcel - Officer Boulard was following you. Oh no... no.... +He was a good man. Now his wife is a widow. This is... it's like a sick joke, I - +Merde... Wait here. When I return you tell me about last night, huh? But... I don't remember anything, I swear... +But... I don't remember anything, I swear... I leave these open. Maybe something comes back to you. +I always wanted to do that. I saw it in a movie. What about me? +What about me? My men think you died and floated away in the Seine. If I wanted to, I could let them believe that. But that would be illegal... +I'm sorry my friend, I'm not signing books right now. There's been a tragedy. I know. I'm Andy McDermott. Terrence's nephew. +It's horrible. Terrence was one of the most brilliant men I've known. Yeah, well, why did he hang out here? The cops said it's dangerous - +Yeah, well, why did he hang out here? The cops said it's dangerous - The cops. It's their backward laws that force all this underground in the first place, endangering people whose only crime is pushing the limits of perception, exploring new states of psychic awareness. +Psychic awareness. Right. You think it's silly. But do you realize that young man is actually in a deep sleep? +You think it's silly. But do you realize that young man is actually in a deep sleep? What? +What? "He's on a new drug called ZBH, or ""Daydream"". It allows the user to be fully alert and mobile while he's dreaming. He is literally conscious and unconscious at the same time." +"He's on a new drug called ZBH, or ""Daydream"". It allows the user to be fully alert and mobile while he's dreaming. He is literally conscious and unconscious at the same time." Yeah well, that's like really groovy and everything, but who hacked my uncle's legs off? +Andy... Yeah? +Yeah? Terrence and I came down here to do serious work. For centuries these tunnels have been home to subcultures mainstream society would not tolerate. +You didn't know? But then why did you... well, don't worry. It's relatively mild. Yeah, well if I claw my face off, just pack it in ice, okay? Jesus... the cops were probably right. My uncle was messed up with a bunch of fry brains and they went berserk on him. +Not you too - My God! Serafine's right. It's time to go. We'll talk soon. +You're exactly right, Andy. I enlisted both Serafine and your uncle to obtain ADM. And now I'm counting on your assistance too. Why the fuck would I do that? +"""Simon ate of the heart of the beast and his soul was cleansed."" These pictures are not just myth, Andy. The scholars of the day used them to record facts and enlighten the public. This is the medieval version of a newspaper." Yeah, well what if it's the Weekly World News... +I don't believe we've been introduced. What?... Oh, right, you can see these guys too. Jesus... +Great. Later on we'll have to get together for cocktails. Right now I kinda have to hurry before I grow a lot of hair and eat people. Say this heart thing works. What's it got to do with ADM? It's chemistry, Andy. Nothing more. Mutated antigens concentrated in the heart of the infector unlock a vaccine- like chain reaction in the infectee. There were not many bio-chemists working in the twelfth century, but with today's technology it's possible to synthesize any chemical imaginable. When I discovered this ancient cure I knew who to go to. +It's chemistry, Andy. Nothing more. Mutated antigens concentrated in the heart of the infector unlock a vaccine- like chain reaction in the infectee. There were not many bio-chemists working in the twelfth century, but with today's technology it's possible to synthesize any chemical imaginable. When I discovered this ancient cure I knew who to go to. Uncle Terrence. +Uncle Terrence. Yes. I was able to decode the old texts and give Terrence the specifications. It took a lot of trial and error, but finally he got it: Adenine Di-Methyloxide. ADM. I call it ADAM. But just before he was attacked, he hid it... +Yes. I was able to decode the old texts and give Terrence the specifications. It took a lot of trial and error, but finally he got it: Adenine Di-Methyloxide. ADM. I call it ADAM. But just before he was attacked, he hid it... Because Gaston was after it. +Because Gaston was after it. Yes, that sociopath. He's given himself over to the evil of lycanthropy. To him, ADAM is just a threat to the terror he holds over others. To us, it's salvation. +Eight o'clock. Shit. You'd think my uncle would have left a clue, a note, something... That's what Serafine is searching for. Without much luck, I'm afraid. If only we could speak with him. But alas, he's off in another realm, close to death. +It killed him... You coulda just used Draino. It's cheaper. I told him it wasn't ready... +All my life I've worked to unlock the power of the unconscious mind. Well this is it. This is power! You sure it's not just 'coz you jerk off too much? +Uncle Terrence? Andy? Andy is that you? +Andy? Andy is that you? Yeah. Look, uncle Terrence - +Andy, I have to tell you about the dream I had - or that I'm still having - it feels like a systemic, physio- tropic reaction to some drug, maybe a triptamine or phenethylamine derivative. But it is hyper-real. I'd swear my legs had been cut off or... wait a second... I'm getting a strange meta-physical buzz. Shit. I'm, uh, dead, aren't I? Sort of... +Undead. Right. Sort of an ectocosmic manifestation. What a pisser. Tell you one thing though, Timothy Leary will be jealous as hell. Great, but listen, I need to know where you hid the ADM? +Great, but listen, I need to know where you hid the ADM? The ADM! Be careful, Andy. It's very powerful. How do you know about it? +The ADM! Be careful, Andy. It's very powerful. How do you know about it? I went to St. Severin church. Now look - +Oh shit! No! Andy, don't let them take me back there! The ADM! Quickly! Where is it?! +Where is it! Please! AHHH!! The wine cellar!! In a bottle of Chateau Margaux. A metal cylinder... Don't... Don't - AAAAH! +Uncle Terrence, you're... "Yeah, I finally ""checked out"", thank God. But there's a bit of unfinished business." +"Yeah, I finally ""checked out"", thank God. But there's a bit of unfinished business." Claude. +Claude. I never thought I'd ask this of anyone, Andy, but do me a favor and kill the evil son-of-a-bitch, will you? +Andrew Mc-dair-mo? That's McDermott, but yeah. +He's in charge but, uh, between you and me, my English is better. This way... So you're from New York eh? I love those Hill Street Blues... Right. Listen, my uncle, it's not serious is it? Did he eat some bad snails? Slip on the bidet? What? +Jesus... How well did, er, do you know him? +How well did, er, do you know him? "Not too well. He taught at the Sorbonne, right? Dad always calls him his ""hippie brother"". Did some work with Timothy Leary I think, and - Is he... is he going to die?" +"Not too well. He taught at the Sorbonne, right? Dad always calls him his ""hippie brother"". Did some work with Timothy Leary I think, and - Is he... is he going to die?" No. The doctors say the machines should keep him going a long time. But basically he is, how you say, a legume. +No. The doctors say the machines should keep him going a long time. But basically he is, how you say, a legume. Legume? You mean, a vegetable? +Legume? You mean, a vegetable? Vegetable, right. My mistake. It seems he was attacked by a maniac, maybe two or three maniacs, just after midnight. yesterday. They fled into the tunnels beneath Paris, that's all we know... +Vegetable, right. My mistake. It seems he was attacked by a maniac, maybe two or three maniacs, just after midnight. yesterday. They fled into the tunnels beneath Paris, that's all we know... What do you mean, maniacs? +What do you mean, maniacs? Well, here's what I think happened. A chemistry professor goes to a bad part of town late at night. Why? Perhaps he's making a few francs on the side. The psychedelic drug market is big these days. He gets mixed up with a bad crowd and, like they say, if you lie with dogs, you get fleas. +Well, here's what I think happened. A chemistry professor goes to a bad part of town late at night. Why? Perhaps he's making a few francs on the side. The psychedelic drug market is big these days. He gets mixed up with a bad crowd and, like they say, if you lie with dogs, you get fleas. Yeah, well, these fleas must have teeth like fuckin' chain saws. +Maybe we should go now. You must be very tired. We'll call if any new - I can't believe this. Why don't you go down in the tunnels and find the goddamn... animals that attacked my uncle? +I can't believe this. Why don't you go down in the tunnels and find the goddamn... animals that attacked my uncle? Andy, it's not so easy. There are hundreds of kilometers of tunnels under Paris. It's a whole other city, crawling with drug addicts, lunatics, skinheads... It's no man's land. +Yeah. I guess so. Did he say anything? Before the coma? Just the name of this hospital, St. Severin. He repeated it a few times then he lost consciousness. +Just the name of this hospital, St. Severin. He repeated it a few times then he lost consciousness. Why would he pick this one? +Why would he pick this one? I don't know. There were others much closer. He was religious? +I don't know. There were others much closer. He was religious? Not that I know. +Not that I know. Well, when you're about to pop off, what have you got to lose? Thanks for your help. +I'm afraid she's not so lucky. She's undead. And so am I. Aaaaa!!! Get the fuck away from me! +Aaaaa!!! Get the fuck away from me! What are you so damn angry about? Did somebody turn into a wild beast and rip your intestines out? Huh? +Fuck you! If I'm gonna kill myself I'll do it when I'm good and ready! You can go to hell! No we can't. That's the problem. God knows it would beat hanging around with you! +Alright. Let me write a letter. Good man. Now can I have my arms back? +What the hell, lots of my heroes killed themselves. Hemingway, Van Gogh... um... Herve Villachaise... But this is class kid, all the way. What a way to go. +Shit. I feel sick. Don't worry. In a few seconds you won't feel a thing. +Don't worry. In a few seconds you won't feel a thing. Puking on yourself in midair is not a good death. +Yeah, well I don't know much about chemistry, but even if this stuff works, you better find it by midnight. Otherwise it's - Yeah, I know. Back to the Eiffel Tower. And what about you? +Okay. So he's weird. Maybe on drugs. Still, that's not - I'm telling you. It's not drugs. It's something more. Someth - +I'm telling you. It's not drugs. It's something more. Someth - Don't give me your black magic bullshit! Seven mutilations in forty eight hours and all you find is a scrawny American boy? Do you have a motive? Do you have a weapon? Or do you want me to believe he did it with his own two hands? +Don't give me your black magic bullshit! Seven mutilations in forty eight hours and all you find is a scrawny American boy? Do you have a motive? Do you have a weapon? Or do you want me to believe he did it with his own two hands? I told you. These murders are not normal. +Enough. Cut him loose. I can't! At midnight tonight, he will kill again. It's crazy! +I can't! At midnight tonight, he will kill again. It's crazy! Are you crazy? We have nothing. Let him go, then watch him. If you're right, you can pick him up at midnight. Or maybe he'll lead you to the others. Just let him go. +Andy, stop! I think he can help you - Allo? +Andy! Serafine? Is that you? What's going on? +Serafine? Is that you? What's going on? Claude, it's Andy, he's acting really weird, I think something happened last night... +Claude, it's Andy, he's acting really weird, I think something happened last night... God, well don't let him go! Catch him! +No, it's no cure. It's something much more interesting. You fucking liar! +You fucking liar! "Oh, did I hurt the little girl's feelings? Well excusez moi... I confess my desire for ADM is quite ""intense"". So I deceived you and our poor friend Terry - a competent technician, but let's face it, a bit naive. ""The great cure for lycanthropy!"" Hmph. He didn't have the vision to grasp the potential of ADAM, until it was too late. And even then, he came rushing down to tell me, as if I would be just as shocked! Ha." +What've you got? Just a crazy call from a girl, probably fucked up on drugs. I wouldn't bother you but you said call with anything unusual. +Just a crazy call from a girl, probably fucked up on drugs. I wouldn't bother you but you said call with anything unusual. What did she say? +What did she say? Something about a monster, underground, in the catacombs under Place Denfert. +Something about a monster, underground, in the catacombs under Place Denfert. I need two tactical assault squads at Place Denfert immediately. You can tell the commissioner it's a code red. +I need two tactical assault squads at Place Denfert immediately. You can tell the commissioner it's a code red. But Inspector, this girl, I wouldn't call her reliable. +But Inspector, this girl, I wouldn't call her reliable. Now! +Now! Yes sir. +Merde. He says - +Here. Your uncle was carrying this. The keys to his apartment are in there. I talked to his assistant, Madame Flocquet. You'll be staying there a while? +Well? Okay. So maybe you were right. +Okay. So maybe you were right. Hmmph. At least now there's one person around here who doesn't think I'm crazy. +Twelve thirty-six a.m. here. Twelve forty a.m. here. There's two of them. At least. Merde. +Two more nights in this lunar cycle. Double merde. +You better follow that McDermott kid. He's going to wind up like his uncle if he's not careful. Right. Little twerp thinks he's Colombo. +Saint Severin... You never heard the story of Saint Severin driving the werewolves from Paris? +You never heard the story of Saint Severin driving the werewolves from Paris? You think that's what McDermott was raving about in the ambulance? +You think that's what McDermott was raving about in the ambulance? What, you think everyone's as ignorant as you? +Why were you so late tonight I was showing Sonya something . . . +I was showing Sonya something . . . What were you showing her? +What were you showing her? How to read. +How to read. I thought you were told not to tutor your servants anymore. +I thought you were told not to tutor your servants anymore. I know, but I had to because . . . +Oh, Grandmama, why do you have to go back to Paris? It's where I've made my home but I do have something for you . . . +"""Together in Paris""! Oh, when can we be ""together in Paris?!" When you're older . . . +Hurry, Grandmama! Get on! Anastasia, get on! +Are you running away? No. I'm running to. +Where is your home, Anya? I'm not sure but look. . . +I have to go now, before it gets light. But what if we can't ever find where we came from?! +But what if we can't ever find where we came from?! Then you'll have to make your own home. Lots of people do. +Anya! What if we can't find anyone who loves us?! Then come find me. +Who did you hear it from? I heard it from everyone who said I didn't hear it from them! Do you know Dmitri? +Providing travel papers is illeagal! I know Dmitri well - perhaps I can help you. Providded you have enough money to pay for this service. . . Well, I don't have any money . . . +Well, I don't have any money . . . Good day! +I was just wondering since we already have the dress. . . Look, I came here to get papers to travel to Paris and. . . +Noooo.... She's quite right, Dmitri, a man of my stature should not have to +Is everyone all right? I'm fine. +We have to prepare you for an audience with Sophie. Who's Sophie? +Who's Sophie? Ah ... the Lady Sophie... The ravishing first cousin, once removed, from the Empress. We must convince Sophie that you are the Princess before we'll be granted a meeting with the Empress ... your grandmother, I mean. +We're just going to refresh your memory... I don't have a memory and I'm not a Princess! Even if I were - no one's ever going to believe it. I'm not exactly... +Did I tell you that? You must have. +No! I look ridiculous! Come out! I can do alterations. +Come out! I can do alterations. You'll laugh. +You'll laugh. I shant! +I shant! Not you. Him. +Oh, Meetoo! You look miserable! Oh, Vlad - look at him! Yes, your highness. +Yes, your highness. Poor Meetoo! +Poor Meetoo! Yes, your highness. +Yes, your highness. Cut it out, Vlad! I'm not angry with you anymore - I know how much you needed the money. +Fortunately, I am to be married. With your highness, permission. Vlad, stop acting this way! You're my friend! +Vlad, stop acting this way! You're my friend! No. From now on I am your loyal subject ... your highness. By your leave? +Ouch! That really hurt! I'm sorry. . . I'm. . . +I'm sorry. . . I'm. . . That's quite a hard head you've got there, boy. +AND A SONG SOMEONE SINGS ONCE UPON A DECEMBER. Who are you?! +People say Anastasia was the only member of the Royal Family to escape alive. That makes her an orphan too What happened to your parents? +What happened to your parents? I don't know - I don't remember anything that happened before the revolution. . . +I don't know - I don't remember anything that happened before the revolution. . . You know, it's strange - Anastasia's grandmother, the Dowager Empress Tatiana has been looking for Anastasia since the revolution. Why do you think she wouldn't go to her own grandmother? +You know, it's strange - Anastasia's grandmother, the Dowager Empress Tatiana has been looking for Anastasia since the revolution. Why do you think she wouldn't go to her own grandmother? I don't know. I don't see what this has to do with me. +I don't know. I don't see what this has to do with me. Perhaps it's because she has amnesia too - can't remember. . . +Why do you want to go to Paris? I have my reasons. +I have my reasons. Anastasia's grandmother is in Paris. We're going to bring Anastasia to her - in Paris. +You never thought of the possibility? Look - there isn't an orphan in the world who doesn't dream she's a princess but, come on. . . Look at me! +Do you always punch people first thing in the morning? Sorry - it's a reflex. Living in an orphanage if someone bothers you - you automatically come up swinging. +Sorry - it's a reflex. Living in an orphanage if someone bothers you - you automatically come up swinging. I wasn't bothering you. I was trying to wake you up! +By pulling my hair?! I was all out of dynamite! +I'm going to stretch my legs That's a good idea - a great idea - stretch your legs ... stretch then that way. +Come on up! Why? +Just what do you think you're doing?! Trying... to... breathe... +Forged papers! Now, what?! Now just get off the train. +Now just get off the train. HUH?! +Come on! No! +You must enjoy causing me pain! You shouldn't have pushed us! +You never said anything to me about having to prove I'm a Princess! You are the Princess. +Every Russian family has one.. Natasha! Natasha Feastavich!- but we called her Nashie Fooshie! +...fish fork, salad fork, meat fork and. . . [THIS SECTION ALSO NOT LEDGABLE] It's the best fork of all +It's the best fork of all The dessert fork! +What a beautiful ship! It used to be a private yacht before the government took it over. +You said you wouldn't laugh! It's not you - it's the dress! +It's so beautiful ... and sad. Sad? +Sad? Lost. it feels lost. This was hers? +Lost. it feels lost. This was hers? Yeah ... well, yours. You still don't believe that you're the Princess, do you? +Yeah ... well, yours. You still don't believe that you're the Princess, do you? I know I must have had something to do with the palace - I've had little flashes of things - but being the Princess? It doesn't matter as long as I find my home. +I know I must have had something to do with the palace - I've had little flashes of things - but being the Princess? It doesn't matter as long as I find my home. Well, the only thing you've got when you've got a home is a fear of losing it! You're lucky you don't remember the revolution -- I never had much, but what I did have -- I lost. +Well, the only thing you've got when you've got a home is a fear of losing it! You're lucky you don't remember the revolution -- I never had much, but what I did have -- I lost. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Hey! It doesn't matter! You gotta make your own way in the world! Don't be sorry for me! I'm going to get what I want don't you worry! +Oh! I'm sorry... It's okay. Didn't hurt.. +Nervous? Yes - If I can't convince Sophie, I'll never be able to see Tatiana.... +Yes - If I can't convince Sophie, I'll never be able to see Tatiana.... You'll convince her. You have the qualities of a princess you're poised and strong... and beautiful ... even if you forget a couple dates of family names - she'll know. +I'm so scared... Don't be +Anya, wait! Tell me it isn't true?! Tell me you didn't do this for the money! +Tell me it isn't true?! Tell me you didn't do this for the money! No! Well, yes, but +No! Well, yes, but No! I thought you believed in me! It was all a lie! +I'm glad you found what you were looking for. "I'm glad you did too." +Dmitri? Anya... where are we? +Don't let me go! I'll never let go! +Who are you, child? I don't know! I don't want to hurt you... +Do you remember this? I remember something lost ... I'm so confused! Oh, please, just tell me if you recognize me! Do you think I could have... belonged to you ... +PAR AWAY, LONG AGO GLOWING DEEP AS AN EMBER THINGS MY HEAR USED TO KNOW THINGS IT YEARS TO REMEMBER +... and that Christmas dinner, when Cook made that awful plum pudding and we hid it in our pockets so we wouldn't hurt her feelings! I do remember so much now, Grandmama, - but not everything. Don't worry about that now, child, it will all come back to you now that you're home... +Anastasia! It was just a bat! It's gone, dear... No, it wasn't a bat! I saw this horrible man - I remember him, I think... +No, it wasn't a bat! I saw this horrible man - I remember him, I think... No, no child... shush... it's all right ... +Don't you, child? Oh, yes, Grandmama - I wait until I hear... +Oh, yes, Grandmama - I wait until I hear... No, not about the ceremony, Anastasia - do you understand the choice you must make. +Dmitri didn't want the money? No, he just wanted to know you were happy. +Why does everyone have to act that way? You'll have to become used to it, child, if you accept the crown... +You'll have to become used to it, child, if you accept the crown... """If"" I accept?! Of course I'm going to accept! it's what I always wanted!" +"""If"" I accept?! Of course I'm going to accept! it's what I always wanted!" Is it? Is this what you want? +I wanted to come home, Grandmama - and I did. I came back to my home with you. You can't go back to find your home. Your home is in your heart, in the future that you make for yourself. +You can't go back to find your home. Your home is in your heart, in the future that you make for yourself. And this is my future. This is who I am! +And this is my future. This is who I am! This is who you were. Exactly who you are is up to you. +This is who you were. Exactly who you are is up to you. I don't know who I am! I still don't know! +I don't know who I am! I still don't know! Yes, you do. You do. +I've spent my whole life waiting to find you ... And we have found each other nothing will ever change that! I am your family, dear child, but I may not be your home. +What? Oh my God! Don't do that ... feel my heart. Go ahead. I'm dying here ... +Oh my God! Don't do that ... feel my heart. Go ahead. I'm dying here ... And what do you want, my little rat-with-wings? +I gave you that tongue and I can rip it out! No, I really like my tongue... we're very attached. Oyyyy... Okay, now... promise you won't get angry. +No, I really like my tongue... we're very attached. Oyyyy... Okay, now... promise you won't get angry. Why would I ever be angry with you, little friend? +So, I'm cruisin' the rafters and... what can I say, I struck out. I thought chicks would like the fact that I can talk, you know but, I mean, the way things are going I couldn't get invited to a plague. Someone's gotta clean that up... Get to the point sometime tonight.. I'm late for a wenching. +Get to the point sometime tonight.. I'm late for a wenching. Okay... you're not gonna like this but, well, it looks like Anastasia is ... still alive. +Trust me, it's her! How do you know? +How do you know? "Rodent's intuition, how do I know? She looks exactly like her. Except she's taller, which is natural ... Of course my second cousin Treplev - he never grew. Looks like a little pepper shaker. He was so cute ..." +Hey, she's just a kid. And she's going to Paris outta sight, outta mind, outta Russia. I cursed then all! +I cursed then all! "My Aunt Bella, sweet woman not the brightest bat in the world - she used to hang right side up, anyway she always said ""Curses were made to be broken"". Course, she said it in those irritating little bat squeaks, so it wasn't quite so profound..." +Do you have any idea what would happen if that broke?! You'd lose your security deposit? +You'd lose your security deposit? Evil, powerful beings - I have their power only if I contain them, control them. If they should all be released at once... well ... +Yesss... our power is much stronger when were near. We must get close to her. Oy... not a road trip. I get wagon sick, you know that. +I'm getting a chest cold.. Bartok... a question. +Bartok... a question. I'm getting pneumonia. I have a fever. Feel my forehead... +I'm getting pneumonia. I have a fever. Feel my forehead... What do you think is the most humiliating way to die? +Boy, don't you hate it when that happens? She leads a charmed life, that little one ... Someone is always there to save her. In the palace as a child, on the train and now ... it's him. +Bartok ... have you ever been to Paris? Me? No. Rich food - it kills me. Ever try and fly after one of those heavy sauces? +PARSE HOLDS THE KEY TO MY HEART FRENCH- BAT- CHICKS HANG OUT AT MONTMARTRE WE'LL EAT SOME IN-SECTS THEN GO BACK AND HAVE -- Shut up! +It's no use, Dmitri - we'll never find the right girl! We will. We have to. Come on, Vlad - she's out there. +What was that? That was your dinner! I do hope there is no cabbage in Paris! +It's her. He's her? +He's her? Look! +"She doesn't want to do anything ""dishonest"". . ." Ew. . . the honest type. +Hurry up with those papers. Would you have leaned over Rembrant's shoulder and told him to paint faster? +Wake up, young lady, that's our train. """Wake up, your highness"" - we should start getting used to saying it." +"""Wake up, your highness"" - we should start getting used to saying it." "What a world - a man who was in my position in society is calling a peasant 'Your Highness""." +You're a princess... Royalty do not help people with their luggage. +Well, she certainly has a mind of her own. Yes. And I hate that in a woman. +What do we do now? Pray he's color-blind... +See? The Princess is under there ... Ah! Let us begin! +How is our current financial status? "If I used the word ""bleak"" I would be optimistic." +"The ""Odessa Dunk""?" It worked in Odessa... +We did it! We did it, my boy! We're going to see Tatiana at the ballet tonight and we're going to be rich! Rich! "But it's not the money, Vlad." +"But it's not the money, Vlad." Are you feeling all right? +Life is funny, isn't it. You find the right girl ... and then you lose her. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Dmitri ... You must understand that once you take her to Tatiana... well, it's over... nothing can happen between you. She's a princess and you're a commoner. +But this invitation came from the Empress herself! It's the social event of the decade! You can't turn it down! Watch me. +So where will you go? She found her home. Maybe it's time I found one too! +So. You don't want to go to the coronation, eh? Rasputin! +Rasputin! I know, I know ... you thought I was dead. That's how the history books will remember me - not as the ruler of all of Russia, which I SHOULD HAVE BEEN - but as the guy who was never dead when you expected him to be. +What do you want?! The same thing I wanted ten years ago - all the Romonovs dead I got the others, now I have to finish up with that nuisance, Anastasia... +The same thing I wanted ten years ago - all the Romonovs dead I got the others, now I have to finish up with that nuisance, Anastasia... You're insane! You didn't kill the Romonovs - it was the... +You're insane! You didn't kill the Romonovs - it was the... STOP IT! I DID SO KILL THEM! And I'm going to kill Anastasia. +I'll show you! Run, Anya - go... +I need to speak with the Dowager Empress ... How much pain will you inflict on an old woman for money?! +How much pain will you inflict on an old woman for money?! Please, if you'd just listen... +Please, if you'd just listen... Remove him at once. +I'm not Ulo and I won't slow down. But you will listen to me! You! How dare you?! Stop this car immediately! +Anastasia's music box... She had this all these years... You could have found it... What I foundyour was your granddaughter! +I sent for you because I owe you a debt of gratitude larger than I can ever repay No. Empress, you -- +No. Empress, you -- I want you to have the reward money - you've earned it. +Empress, no! I will not take the money! I just came to tell you I was sorry... "Young man, I..." +You are the boy ... I should go +I should go That last night in the palace... one boy showed us kindness and courage. You were the boy who saved our lives, weren't you? Please, is there nothing I can do to repay you? +That last night in the palace... one boy showed us kindness and courage. You were the boy who saved our lives, weren't you? Please, is there nothing I can do to repay you? Promise me she'll have her home. +Promise me she'll have her home. She does. +She does. And tell me that she's happy. +And tell me that she's happy. Oh, Dmitri.I wish that I could. +Rasputin! You're alive . . . Despite being shot, poisoned and thrown into an icy river . . . YES! +Despite being shot, poisoned and thrown into an icy river . . . YES! I had nothing to do with it! +I had nothing to do with it! You gave the orders! +You gave the orders! I did no such thing! +I did no such thing! After all I've done for your family - YOU TRIED TO KILL MEEEEEE ! ! ! +May I present her Royal Highness Princess Anastasia! Oh good! We haven't seen an Anastasia in several days! +Are you impressed with our Anastasia? Oh, heavens - I must say, yes. +Oh, heavens - I must say, yes. Then, you'll take her to see Tatiana? +Then, you'll take her to see Tatiana? Oh, heavens I must say... no, no actually, I can't - Tatiana has refused to see any more girls. +Oh, heavens I must say... no, no actually, I can't - Tatiana has refused to see any more girls. Perhaps you could convince her? +Perhaps you could convince her? Oh, heavens, no... but ... She is going to be at the Ballet Russe tonight! That's the Russian Ballet - Russe for Russian, oh those crazy French... they only go to see which dancers will defect. +Hey, you on television? No. Yeah, once in a while. You know, like occasionally. +No. Yeah, once in a while. You know, like occasionally. What's your name? +What's your name? You wouldn't know it. It doesn't matter. What's the difference? +You wouldn't know it. It doesn't matter. What's the difference? You were on... uh, the... uh, the Johnny Carson, right? +You were on... uh, the... uh, the Johnny Carson, right? Once in a while, you know. I mean, you know, every now- +Once in a while, you know. I mean, you know, every now- What's your name? +I'm... I'm, uh, I'm Robert Redford. Come on. +Come on. Alvy Singer. It was nice nice... Thanks very much... for everything. +Fellas... you know-Jesus! Come on! This guy's on television! Alvy Singer, right? Am I right? +This guy's on television! Alvy Singer, right? Am I right? Gimme a break, will yuh, gimme a break. Jesus Christ! +Gimme a break, will yuh, gimme a break. Jesus Christ! This guy's on television. +This guy's on television. I need a large polo mallet! +Can I have your autograph? You don't want my autograph. +You don't want my autograph. Yeah, I do. It's for my girl friend. Make it out to Ralph. +Yeah, I do. It's for my girl friend. Make it out to Ralph. Your girl friend's name is Ralph? +Your girl friend's name is Ralph? It's for my brudder. Alvy Singer! Hey! This is Alvy- +Hey! What? +What? This is Alvy Singer! +Who's on television? This guy, on the Johnny Carson show. +Singer! Alvy Singer over here! +Well, you take a meeting with him, I'll take a meeting with you if you'll take a meeting with Freddy. I took a meeting with Freddy. Freddy took a meeting with Charlie. You take a meeting with him. +I took a meeting with Freddy. Freddy took a meeting with Charlie. You take a meeting with him. All the good meetings are taken. +Not only is he a great agent, but he really gives good meetings. M'mm. +You're a thinking person. How can you choose this lifestyle? "What is so incredibly great about New York? It's a dying city! You-you read ""Death in Venice""." +"What is so incredibly great about New York? It's a dying city! You-you read ""Death in Venice""." "You didn't read ""Death in Venice"" till I gave it to you!" +"You didn't read ""Death in Venice"" till I gave it to you!" "Well, you only give me books with the word ""death"" in the title." +It's an important issue. Alvy, you are totally incapable of enjoying life. +You're like New York. You're an island. Okay, if that's all that we've been through together means to you, I guess it's better if we just said goodbye, once and for all! You know, it's funny, after all the serious talks and passionate moments that it ends here... in a health food restaurant on Sunset Boulevard. Goodbye, Sunny. +Excuse... excuse me, when do I go on? Who are you? +Who are you? Alvy... Alvy Singer. I'm a comedian. +Alvy... Alvy Singer. I'm a comedian. Oh, comedian. Yes. Oh, uh... you're on next. +Oh, comedian. Yes. Oh, uh... you're on next. What do you mean, next? +What do you mean, next? Uh ... I mean you're on right after this act. +Uh ... I mean you're on right after this act. No, it can't be, because he's a comic. +No, it can't be, because he's a comic. Yes. +Yes. So what are you telling me, you're putting on two comics in a row? +So what are you telling me, you're putting on two comics in a row? Why not? +Why not? No, I'm sorry, I'm not goin'- I can't... I don't wanna go on after that comedian. +No, I'm sorry, I'm not goin'- I can't... I don't wanna go on after that comedian. It's okay. +It's okay. No, because they're-they're laughing, so I-I-I'd rather not. If you don't mind, I prefer- +No, because they're-they're laughing, so I-I-I'd rather not. If you don't mind, I prefer- Will you relax, please? They're gonna love you, I know. +Will you relax, please? They're gonna love you, I know. I prefer not to, because... look, they're laughing at him. See, so what are yuh telling me- +Yes. that I've got to... ah... ah... They're gonna laugh at him for a couple minutes, then I gotta go out there, I gotta ... get laughs, too. How much can they laugh? They-they they're laughed out. +that I've got to... ah... ah... They're gonna laugh at him for a couple minutes, then I gotta go out there, I gotta ... get laughs, too. How much can they laugh? They-they they're laughed out. Do you feel all right? +Allison. Yeah? Allison what? +Yeah? Allison what? Portchnik. +H'm, I'm sorry, I can't go through with this, because it-I can't get it off my mind, Allison... it's obsessing me! Well, I'm getting tired of it. I need your attention. +It-but it-it... doesn't make any sense. He drove past the book depository and the police said conclusively that it was an exit wound. So-how is it possible for Oswald to have fired from two angles at once? It doesn't make sense. Alvy. +We've been through this. If they-they recovered the shells from that rifle. +If they-they recovered the shells from that rifle. Okay. All right, so whatta yuh saying, now? That e-e-everybody o-o-on the Warren Commission is in on this conspiracy, right? +Okay. All right, so whatta yuh saying, now? That e-e-everybody o-o-on the Warren Commission is in on this conspiracy, right? Well, why not? +Well, why not? Yeah, Earl Warren? +Yeah, Earl Warren? Hey... honey, I don't know Earl Warren. +Hey... honey, I don't know Earl Warren. Lyndon Johnson? +Lyndon Johnson? L-L-Lyndon Johns Lyndon Johnson is a politician. You know the ethics those guys have? It's like-uh, a notch underneath child molester. +L-L-Lyndon Johns Lyndon Johnson is a politician. You know the ethics those guys have? It's like-uh, a notch underneath child molester. Then everybody's in in the conspiracy? +Then everybody's in in the conspiracy? Tsch. +Tsch. The FBI, and the CIA, and J. Edgar Hoover and oil companies and the Pentagon and the men's-room attendant at the White House? +I-I-I-I would leave out the men's- room attendant. You're using this conspiracy theory as an excuse to avoid sex with me. +You're using this conspiracy theory as an excuse to avoid sex with me. Oh, my God! She's right! Why did I turn off Allison Portchnik? She was-she was beautiful. She was willing. She was real... intelligent. Is it the old Groucho Marx joke? That-that I-I just don't wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member? +I-i-i-i-it's all right, fellas. Jesus, what'd you do, come by way of the Panama Canal? Alright, alright, I'm in a bad mood, okay? +"Bad mood? I'm standing with the cast of ""The Godfather.""" You're gonna hafta learn to deal with it. +You're gonna hafta learn to deal with it. Deal! I'm dealing with two guys named Cheech! +Deal! I'm dealing with two guys named Cheech! Okay. Please, I have a headache, all right? +Okay. Please, I have a headache, all right? Hey, you are in a bad mood. You-you- you must be getting your period. +Hey, you are in a bad mood. You-you- you must be getting your period. I'm not getting my period. Jesus, every time anything out of the ordinary happens, you think that I'm getting my period! +Two minutes, Alvy. No, I'm sorry, I can't do it. We- we've blown it already. I-you know, uh, I-I can't go in in the middle. +No, I'm sorry, I can't do it. We- we've blown it already. I-you know, uh, I-I can't go in in the middle. In the middle? We'll only miss the titles. They're in Swedish. +In the middle? We'll only miss the titles. They're in Swedish. You wanna get coffee for two hours or something? We'll go next- +You wanna get coffee for two hours or something? We'll go next- Two hours? No, u-uh, I'm going in. I'm going in. +Look, while we're talking we could be inside, you know that? Hey, can we not stand here and argue in front of everybody, 'cause I get embarrassed. +Hey, can we not stand here and argue in front of everybody, 'cause I get embarrassed. Alright. All right, all right, so whatta you wanna do? +Alright. All right, all right, so whatta you wanna do? I don't know now. You-you wanna go to another movie? So let's go see The Sorrow and the Pity. +I don't know now. You-you wanna go to another movie? So let's go see The Sorrow and the Pity. Oh, come on, we've seen it. I'm not in the mood to see a four-hour documentary on Nazis. +Oh, come on, we've seen it. I'm not in the mood to see a four-hour documentary on Nazis. Well, I'm sorry, I-I can't... I-I- I've gotta see a picture exactly from the start to the finish, 'cause- 'cause I'm anal. +Well, I'm sorry, I-I can't... I-I- I've gotta see a picture exactly from the start to the finish, 'cause- 'cause I'm anal. H'h, that's a polite word for what you are. +I'm-I'm-I'm gonna have a stroke. Well, stop listening to him. +I missed my therapy. I overslept. How can you possibly oversleep? +How can you possibly oversleep? The alarm clock. +The alarm clock. You know what a hostile gesture that is to me? +You know what a hostile gesture that is to me? I know- because of our sexual problem, right? +I know- because of our sexual problem, right? Hey, you... everybody in line at the New Yorker has to know our rate of intercourse? +Stop it, Alvy! Well, he's spitting on my neck! You know, he's spitting on my neck when he talks. +Oh! I-I-I mean, I'm comparatively normal for a guy raised in Brooklyn. +I-I-I mean, I'm comparatively normal for a guy raised in Brooklyn. Okay, I'm very sorry. My sexual problem! Okay, my sexual problem! Huh? +Boy, those guys in the French Resistance were really brave, you know? Got to listen to Maurice Chevalier sing so much. M'm, I don't know, sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture. +M'm, I don't know, sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture. You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything. +You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything. That movie makes me feel guilty. +That movie makes me feel guilty. Yeah, 'cause it's supposed to. +Alvy, I... What-what-what-what's the matter? +What-what-what-what's the matter? I-you know, I don't wanna. +I-you know, I don't wanna. What-what-I don't... It's not natural! We're sleeping in a bed together. You know, it's been a long time. +What-what-I don't... It's not natural! We're sleeping in a bed together. You know, it's been a long time. I know, well, it's just that- you know, I mean, I-I-I-I gotta sing tomorrow night, so I have to rest my voice. +I know, well, it's just that- you know, I mean, I-I-I-I gotta sing tomorrow night, so I have to rest my voice. It's always some kind of an excuse. It's- You know, you used to think that I was very sexy. What... When we first started going out, we had sex constantly... We're-we're probably listed in the Guinness Book of World Records. +It's always some kind of an excuse. It's- You know, you used to think that I was very sexy. What... When we first started going out, we had sex constantly... We're-we're probably listed in the Guinness Book of World Records. I know. Well, Alvy, it'll pass, it'll pass, it's just that I'm going through a phase, that's all. +I know. Well, Alvy, it'll pass, it'll pass, it's just that I'm going through a phase, that's all. M'm. +M'm. I mean, you've been married before, you know how things can get. You were very hot for Allison at first. +Alvy, now don't panic. Please. Look, I told you it was a... mistake to ever bring a live thing in the house. +Look, I told you it was a... mistake to ever bring a live thing in the house. Stop it! Don't... don't do that! There. +Well, maybe we should just call the police. Dial nine-one-one, it's the lobster squad. Come on, Alvy, they're only baby ones, for God's sake. +Come on, Alvy, they're only baby ones, for God's sake. If they're only babies, then you pick 'em up. +If they're only babies, then you pick 'em up. Oh, all right. All right! It's all right. Here. +Don't give it to me. Don't! Oooh! Here! Here! +Oooh! Here! Here! Look! Look, one crawled behind the refrigerator. It'll turn up in our bed at night. Will you get outta here with that thing? Jesus! +Look! Look, one crawled behind the refrigerator. It'll turn up in our bed at night. Will you get outta here with that thing? Jesus! Get him! +Get him! Talk to him. You speak shellfish! Hey, look... put it in the pot. +Talk to him. You speak shellfish! Hey, look... put it in the pot. I can't! I can't put him in the pot. I can't put a live thing in hot water. +I can't! I can't put him in the pot. I can't put a live thing in hot water. Gimme! Gimme! Let me do it! What- what's he think we're gonna do, take him to the movies? +Oh, God! Here yuh go! Oh, good, now he'll think- Aaaah! Okay. Okay, it's in. It's definitely in the pot! +Okay, it's in. It's definitely in the pot! All right. All right. All right. +Annie, there's a big lobster behind the refrigerator. I can't get it out. This thing's heavy. Maybe if I put a little dish of butter sauce here with a nutcracker, it will run out the other side, you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm gonna get my... I'm gonna get my camera. +Yeah. I'm gonna get my... I'm gonna get my camera. You know, I-I think... if I could pry this door off... We shoulda gotten steaks 'cause they don't have legs. They don't run around. +Great! Great! Goddammit! Ooooh! These are... p-p-p-pick this lobster up. Hold it, please! All right! All right! All right! All right! Whatta yuh mean? Are yuh gonna take pictures now? +All right! All right! All right! All right! Whatta yuh mean? Are yuh gonna take pictures now? It'll make great- Alvy, be- Alvy, it'll be wonderful... Ooooh, lovely! +It'll make great- Alvy, be- Alvy, it'll be wonderful... Ooooh, lovely! All right, here! Oh, God, it's disgusting! +So, so-well, here's what I wanna know. W-what... Am I your first big romance? Oh... no, no, no, no, uh, uh. No. +Oh... no, no, no, no, uh, uh. No. Well, then, w-who was? +Well, then, w-who was? Oh, well, let's see, there was Dennis, from Chippewa Falls High School. +Oh, come on-I mean, I was still younger. Hey, that was last year. +He was creepy. Yeah, I-I think you're pretty lucky I came along. +Yeah, I-I think you're pretty lucky I came along. Oh, really? Well, la-de-da! +Oh, really? Well, la-de-da! "La-de-da. If I-if anyone had ever told me that I would be taking out a girl who used expressions like ""la- de-da""..." +"La-de-da. If I-if anyone had ever told me that I would be taking out a girl who used expressions like ""la- de-da""..." Oh, that's right. That you really like those New York girls. +Oh, that's right. That you really like those New York girls. Well, no... not just, not only. +Well, no... not just, not only. Oh, I'd say so. You married- +Hi. Hi, hi. Hi. Oh, hi. Hi. +Hi. Oh, hi. Hi. Well, bye. She laughs and backs up slowly toward the door. +Well, bye. She laughs and backs up slowly toward the door. You-you play... very well. +You-you play... very well. "Oh, yeah? So do you. Oh, God, whatta- whatta dumb thing to say, right? I mean, you say it, ""You play well,"" and right away... I have to say well. Oh, oh... God, Annie. Well... oh, well... la-de-da, la-de- da, la-la." +Uh... you-you wanna lift? Oh, why-uh... y-y-you gotta car? +Oh, why-uh... y-y-you gotta car? No, um... I was gonna take a cab. +No, um... I was gonna take a cab. Oh, no, I have a car. +Oh, no, I have a car. "You have a car? So... I don't understand why... if you have a car, so then-then wh-why did you say ""Do you have a car?""... like you wanted a lift?" +"You have a car? So... I don't understand why... if you have a car, so then-then wh-why did you say ""Do you have a car?""... like you wanted a lift?" I don't... I don't... Geez, I don't know, I've... I wa- This... yeah, I got this VW out there... What a jerk, yeah. Would you like a lift? +I don't... I don't... Geez, I don't know, I've... I wa- This... yeah, I got this VW out there... What a jerk, yeah. Would you like a lift? Sure. W-w-w-which way yuh goin'? +Sure. W-w-w-which way yuh goin'? Me? Oh, downtown! +Me? Oh, downtown! Down- I'm-I'm goin' uptown. +Down- I'm-I'm goin' uptown. Oh, well, I'm goin' uptown, too. +Oh, well, I'm goin' uptown, too. Uh, well, you just said you were going downtown. +Uh, well, you just said you were going downtown. Yeah, well, I'm, but I... +So sorry. I mean, I can go uptown, too. I live uptown, but... uh, what the hell, I mean, it'd be nice having company, you know I mean, I hate driving alone. +I mean, I can go uptown, too. I live uptown, but... uh, what the hell, I mean, it'd be nice having company, you know I mean, I hate driving alone. Yeah. +So, how long do you know Janet? Where do you know her from? Oh, I'm in her acting class. +Oh, I'm in her acting class. Oh - you're an actress. +Oh - you're an actress. Well, I do commercials, sort of... +I, uh... well, you're not from New York, right? No, Chippewa Falls. +No, Chippewa Falls. Right! Where? +Right! Where? Wisconsin. +Wisconsin. Uh, you're driving a- +Uh, you're driving a- Uh, don't worry, I'm a very- a very good driver. So, listen-hey, you want some gum, anyway? +No, no thanks. Hey, don't- Well, where is it? I- +Well, where is it? I- No, no, no, no, you just... just watch the road. I'll get it- +No, no, no, no, you just... just watch the road. I'll get it- Okay. +For yuh. Okay, that's good. +All right. I'll getcha a piece. +I'll getcha a piece. Yeah... so, listen-you drive? +Yeah... so, listen-you drive? Do I drive? Uh, no, I gotta-I gotta problem with driving. +Do I drive? Uh, no, I gotta-I gotta problem with driving. Oh, you do? +Oh, you do? Yeah. I got, uh, I got a license but I have too much hostility. +Yeah. I got, uh, I got a license but I have too much hostility. Oh, right. +Oh, right. Nice car. +Nice car. Huh? +Huh? You keep it nice. Can I ask you, is this-is this a sandwich? +You keep it nice. Can I ask you, is this-is this a sandwich? Huh? Oh, yeah. +That's okay, you... we-we can walk to the curb from here. Don't be funny. +Don't be funny. You want your tennis stuff? +You want your tennis stuff? Huh? Oh... yeah. +Huh? Oh... yeah. You want your gear? Here you go. +Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot. Well... Well, thanks, thank you. You-you're a wonderful tennis player. +Well, thanks, thank you. You-you're a wonderful tennis player. Oh. +You're the worst driver I've ever seen in my life... that's including any place... the worst... Europe, United... any place... Asia. Yeah. +Yeah. And I love what you're wearin'. +Who? Grammy? Grammy Hall? Yeah, my grammy. +Yeah, my grammy. You're jo- Whatta yuh kid- What did you do, grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting? +You're jo- Whatta yuh kid- What did you do, grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting? Yeah, I know. +Yeah, I know. Your grammy! +Your grammy! I know, it's pretty silly, isn't it? +I know, it's pretty silly, isn't it? Jesus, my-my grammy... n-never gave gifts, you know. She-she was too busy getting raped by Cossacks. +Jesus, my-my grammy... n-never gave gifts, you know. She-she was too busy getting raped by Cossacks. Well... +Well... Well... thank you again. +Well... thank you again. Oh, yeah, yeah. +Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll see yuh. +I'll see yuh. Hey, well, listen... hey, you wanna come upstairs and, uh... and have a glass of wine and something? Aw, no, I mean... I mean, you don't have to, you're probably late and everything else ... +Hey, well, listen... hey, you wanna come upstairs and, uh... and have a glass of wine and something? Aw, no, I mean... I mean, you don't have to, you're probably late and everything else ... No, no, that'll be fine. I don't mind. Sure. +No, no, that'll be fine. I don't mind. Sure. You sure? +You sure? No, I got time. +No, I got time. Okay. +Okay. Sure, I got... I got nothing, uh, nothing till my analyst's appointment. +Oh, you see an analyst? Y-y-yeah, just for fifteen years. +Y-y-yeah, just for fifteen years. Fifteen years? +Fifteen years? Yeah, uh, I'm gonna give him one more year and then I'm goin' to Lourdes. +Yeah, uh, I'm gonna give him one more year and then I'm goin' to Lourdes. Fifteen-aw, come on, you're... yeah, really? +Sylvia Plath. M'hm... +M'hm... Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic, by the college-girl mentality. +Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic, by the college-girl mentality. Oh, yeah. +Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. +Oh, sorry. Right. Well, I don't know, I mean, uh, some of her poems seem - neat, you know. +Right. Well, I don't know, I mean, uh, some of her poems seem - neat, you know. Neat? +Neat? Neat, yeah. +Neat, yeah. "Uh, I hate to tell yuh, this is nineteen seventy-five, you know that ""neat"" went out, I would say, at the turn of the century. Who-who are-who are those photos on the wall?" +"Uh, I hate to tell yuh, this is nineteen seventy-five, you know that ""neat"" went out, I would say, at the turn of the century. Who-who are-who are those photos on the wall?" Oh... oh, well, you see now now, uh, that's my dad, that's Father-and that's my... brother, Duane. +Oh... oh, well, you see now now, uh, that's my dad, that's Father-and that's my... brother, Duane. Duane? +Duane? Yeah, right, Duane-and over there is Grammy Hall, and that's Sadie. +Yeah, right, Duane-and over there is Grammy Hall, and that's Sadie. Well, who's Sadie? +Well, who's Sadie? Sadie? Oh, well, Sadie... Sadie met Grammy through, uh, through Grammy's brother George. Uh, George was real sweet, you know, he had that thing. What is that thing where you, uh, where you, uh, fall asleep in the middle of a sentence, you know-what is it? Uh... +Sadie? Oh, well, Sadie... Sadie met Grammy through, uh, through Grammy's brother George. Uh, George was real sweet, you know, he had that thing. What is that thing where you, uh, where you, uh, fall asleep in the middle of a sentence, you know-what is it? Uh... Uh, narcolepsy. +Uh, narcolepsy. Narcolepsy, right, right. Right. So, anyway, so... George, uh, went to the union, see, to get his free turkey, be-because, uh, the union always gave George this big turkey at Christmas time because he was... shell-shocked, you know what I mean, in the First World War. Anyway, so, so... George is standing in line, oh, just a sec... uh, getting his free turkey, but the thing is, he falls asleep and he never wakes up. So, so... so, he's dead ... he's dead. Yeah. Oh, dear. Well, terrible, huh, wouldn't you say? I mean, that's pretty unfortunate. +Yeah, it's a great story, though, I mean, I... I... it really made my day. Hey, I think I should get outta here, you know, 'cause I think I'm imposing, you know... Oh, really? Oh, well... uh, uh, maybe, uh, maybe, we, uh... +Oh, really? Oh, well... uh, uh, maybe, uh, maybe, we, uh... ...and... uh, yeah, uh... uh, you know, I-I-I... +Well, I mean, you don't have to, you know. No, I know, but... but, you know, I'm all perspired and everything. +No, I know, but... but, you know, I'm all perspired and everything. Well, didn't you take, uh... uh, a shower at the club? +Well, didn't you take, uh... uh, a shower at the club? Me? No, no, no, 'cause I never shower in a public place. +Me? No, no, no, 'cause I never shower in a public place. Why not? +Why not? 'Cause I don't like to get naked in front of another man, you know-it's, uh... +'Cause I don't like to get naked in front of another man, you know-it's, uh... Oh, I see, I see. +Oh, I see, I see. You know, I don't like to show my body to a man of my gender- +You know, I don't like to show my body to a man of my gender- Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I see. I guess- +Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I see. I guess- 'cause, uh, you never know what's gonna happen. +'cause, uh, you never know what's gonna happen. Fifteen years, huh? +Fifteen years, huh? Fifteen years, yeah. +Fifteen years, yeah. Yeah. Oh, God bless! +God bless. Well, uh... You're what Grammy Hall would call a real Jew. +Well, uh... You're what Grammy Hall would call a real Jew. Oh, thank you. +Oh, thank you. Yeah, well... you- She hates Jews. She thinks that they just make money, but let me tell yuh, I mean, she's the one yeah, is she ever. I'm tellin' yuh. +Yeah, well... you- She hates Jews. She thinks that they just make money, but let me tell yuh, I mean, she's the one yeah, is she ever. I'm tellin' yuh. So, did you do shoot the photographs in there or what? +So, did you do shoot the photographs in there or what? Yeah, yeah, I sorta dabble around, you know. +Well, I don't know. I mean, I guess- I guess you must be sorta late, huh? You know, I gotta get there and begin whining soon... otherwise I- Hey... well, are you busy Friday night? +You know, I gotta get there and begin whining soon... otherwise I- Hey... well, are you busy Friday night? Me? Oh, uh. No. +Me? Oh, uh. No. Oh, I'm sorry, wait a minute, I have something. Well, what about Saturday night? +Oh, I'm sorry, wait a minute, I have something. Well, what about Saturday night? Oh... nothing. Not-no, no! +Oh... nothing. Not-no, no! Oh, you... you're very popular, I can see. +Oh, you... you're very popular, I can see. I know. +I know. Gee, boy, what do you have? You have plague? +Gee, boy, what do you have? You have plague? Well, I mean, I meet a lot of... jerks, you know- +Well, I mean, I meet a lot of... jerks, you know- Yeah, I meet a lotta jerks, too. +Yeah, I meet a lotta jerks, too. what I mean? +what I mean? think that's, uh- +think that's, uh- But I'm thinking about getting some cats, you know, and then they... Oh, wait a second-oh, no, no, I mean oh, shoot! No, Saturday night I'm gonna- gonna sing. Yeah. +But I'm thinking about getting some cats, you know, and then they... Oh, wait a second-oh, no, no, I mean oh, shoot! No, Saturday night I'm gonna- gonna sing. Yeah. You're gonna sing? Do you sing? Well, no, it isn't No kidding? this is my first time. Oh, really? Where? I'd like to come. Oh, no, no, no, no, no! No, I'm interested! +You're gonna sing? Do you sing? Well, no, it isn't No kidding? this is my first time. Oh, really? Where? I'd like to come. Oh, no, no, no, no, no! No, I'm interested! Oh, no-I mean, I'm just a-auditioning sort of at club. I don't- +Oh, no-I mean, I'm just a-auditioning sort of at club. I don't- No, so help me. +No, so help me. it's my first time. +it's my first time. That's okay, 'cause I know exactly what that's like. Listen- +That's okay, 'cause I know exactly what that's like. Listen- Yeah. +Yeah. you're gonna like night clubs, they're really a lotta fun. +I was awful. I'm so ashamed! I can't sing. Oh, listen, so the audience was a tad restless. +Oh, listen, so the audience was a tad restless. Whatta you mean, a tad restless? Oh, my God, I mean, they hated me. +Whatta you mean, a tad restless? Oh, my God, I mean, they hated me. No, they didn't. You have a wonderful voice. +No, they didn't. You have a wonderful voice. No, I'm gonna quit! +No, I'm gonna quit! No, I'm not gonna letcha. You have a great voice. +No, I'm not gonna letcha. You have a great voice. Really, do you think so, really? +Really, do you think so, really? Yeah! +Yeah! Yeah? +Yeah? It's terrific. +It's terrific. Yeah, you know something? I never even took a lesson, either. +Hey, listen, listen. What? +What? Gimme a kiss. +Gimme a kiss. Really? +Really? Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna go home later, right? +Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna go home later, right? Yeah. +Yeah. And-and uh, there's gonna be all that tension. You know, we never kissed before and I'll never know when to make the right move or anything. So we'll kiss now we'll get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay? +And-and uh, there's gonna be all that tension. You know, we never kissed before and I'll never know when to make the right move or anything. So we'll kiss now we'll get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay? Oh, all right. +Oh, all right. And we'll digest our food better. +And we'll digest our food better. Okay. +Okay. Okay? +Okay? Yeah. +We can digest our- Okay. Yeah. +I'm gonna have a corned beef. Yeah... oh, uh, and I'm gonna have a pastrami on white bread with, uh, mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce. Tsch, so, uh, your second wife left you and, uh, were you depressed about that? +Yeah... oh, uh, and I'm gonna have a pastrami on white bread with, uh, mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce. Tsch, so, uh, your second wife left you and, uh, were you depressed about that? Nothing that a few mega-vitamins couldn't cure. +Nothing that a few mega-vitamins couldn't cure. Oh. And your first wife was Allison? +Oh. And your first wife was Allison? My first... Yes, she was nice, but you know, uh, it was my fault. I was just... I was too crazy. +My first... Yes, she was nice, but you know, uh, it was my fault. I was just... I was too crazy. Oh. +M'm, that was so nice. That was nice. As Balzac said... +As Balzac said... H'm? +H'm? """There goes another novel."" Jesus, you were great." +"""There goes another novel."" Jesus, you were great." Oh, yeah? +Oh, yeah? Yeah. +Yeah. Yeah? +Yeah? Yeah, I'm-I'm-I'm a wreck. +Yeah, I'm-I'm-I'm a wreck. No. You're a wreck. +No. You're a wreck. Really. I mean it. I-I'll never play the piano again. +Really. I mean it. I-I'll never play the piano again. You're really nuts. I don't know, you really thought it was good? Tell me. +You're really nuts. I don't know, you really thought it was good? Tell me. Good? I was- +Good? I was- No. +No. No, that was the most fun I've ever had without laughing. +No, that was the most fun I've ever had without laughing. Here, you want some? +Here, you want some? No, no, I-I-i, uh, I don't use any major hallucinogenics because I took a puff like five years ago at a party and +No, no, I-I-i, uh, I don't use any major hallucinogenics because I took a puff like five years ago at a party and Yeah? +Yeah? I tried to take my pants off over my head... ...my ear. +I tried to take my pants off over my head... ...my ear. Oh, I don't know, I don't really. I don't do it very often, you know, just sort of, er... relaxes me at first. +Oh, I don't know, I don't really. I don't do it very often, you know, just sort of, er... relaxes me at first. M'hm. You're not gonna believe this, but- +M'hm. You're not gonna believe this, but- What? What? +Hey? H'm? +H'm? I-I-I'm gonna buy you these books, I think, because I-I think you should read them. You know, instead of that cat book. +I-I-I'm gonna buy you these books, I think, because I-I think you should read them. You know, instead of that cat book. That's, uh... that's pretty serious stuff there. +That's, uh... that's pretty serious stuff there. Yeah, 'cause I-I'm, you know, I'm, I'm obsessed with-with, uh, with death, I think. Big- +Yeah, 'cause I-I'm, you know, I'm, I'm obsessed with-with, uh, with death, I think. Big- Yeah? +Yeah? big subject with me, yeah. +big subject with me, yeah. Yeah? +I've a very pessimistic view of life. You should know this about me if we're gonna go out, you know. I-I-I feel that life is-is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. M'hm. +M'hm. Those are the two categories... +Those are the two categories... M'hm. +M'hm. ...you know, they're- The-the horrible would be like, uh, I don't know, terminal cases, you know? +...you know, they're- The-the horrible would be like, uh, I don't know, terminal cases, you know? M'hm. +M'hm. And blind people, crippled... +And blind people, crippled... Yeah. +Yeah. I don't-don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. +I don't-don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. M'hm. +M'hm. You know, and the miserable is everyone else. That's-that's all. So- so when you go through life you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's- You're very lucky... to be... ...to be miserable. +You know, and the miserable is everyone else. That's-that's all. So- so when you go through life you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's- You're very lucky... to be... ...to be miserable. U-huh. +Look, look at that guy. M'hm. +M'hm. There's-there's-there's-there's Mr. When-in-the-Pink, Mr. Miami Beach, there, you know? He's the latest! just came back from the gin-rummy farm last night. He placed third. +There's-there's-there's-there's Mr. When-in-the-Pink, Mr. Miami Beach, there, you know? He's the latest! just came back from the gin-rummy farm last night. He placed third. M'hm. Yeah. Yeah. +Look at these guys. Yeah. +Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. They're back from Fire Island. They're... they're sort of giving it a chance-you know what I mean? +Oh, that's hilarious. They're back from Fire Island. They're... they're sort of giving it a chance-you know what I mean? Oh! Italian, right? +Oh! Italian, right? Yeah, he's the Mafia. Linen Supply Business or Cement and Contract, you know what I mean? +Yeah, he's the Mafia. Linen Supply Business or Cement and Contract, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. +Oh, yeah. No, I'm serious. I just got my mustache wet. +No, I'm serious. I just got my mustache wet. Oh, yeah? +Oh, yeah? And there's the winner of the Truman Capote look-alike contest. +You see, like you and I... You are extremely sexy. +You are extremely sexy. No, I'm not. +No, I'm not. Unbelievably sexy. Yes, you are. Because... you know what you are? You're-you're polymorphously perverse. +Unbelievably sexy. Yes, you are. Because... you know what you are? You're-you're polymorphously perverse. Well, what does-what does that mean? I don't know what that is. +Well, what does-what does that mean? I don't know what that is. Uh... uh, you're-you're exceptional in bed because you got -you get pleasure in every part of your body when I touch you. +Uh... uh, you're-you're exceptional in bed because you got -you get pleasure in every part of your body when I touch you. Ooooh! +You know what I mean? Like the tip o'your nose, and if I stroke your teeth or your kneecaps... you get excited. Come on. Yeah. You know what? You know, I like you, I really mean it. I really do like you. +Come on. Yeah. You know what? You know, I like you, I really mean it. I really do like you. You- Do you love me? +You- Do you love me? Do I love you? +Do I love you? That's the key question. +That's the key question. Yeah. +Yeah. I know you've only known me a short while. +I know you've only known me a short while. Well, I certainly... I think that's very- Yeah, yeah... yeah. Do you love me? +Well, I certainly... I think that's very- Yeah, yeah... yeah. Do you love me? I-uh, love is, uh, is too weak a word for what... +I-uh, love is, uh, is too weak a word for what... Yeah. +Yeah. I love you. You know I lo-ove you, I-I love you. I-I have to invent- Of course I love you. +I love you. You know I lo-ove you, I-I love you. I-I have to invent- Of course I love you. Yeah. +Yeah. Don't you think I do? +Don't you think I do? I dunno. +Whatta you mean? You're not gonna give up your own apartment, are you? Of course. +Of course. Yeah, bu-bu-but why? +Yeah, bu-bu-but why? Well, I mean, I'm moving in with you, that's why. +Well, I mean, I'm moving in with you, that's why. Yeah, but you-you got a nice apartment. +Yeah, but you-you got a nice apartment. I have a tiny apartment. +I have a tiny apartment. Yeah, I know it's small. +Yeah, I know it's small. That's right, and it's got bad plumbing and bugs. +That's right, and it's got bad plumbing and bugs. All right, granted, it has bad plumbing and bugs, but you-you say that like it's a negative thing. You know, bugs are-are-uh, entomology is a... ...rapidly growing field. +All right, granted, it has bad plumbing and bugs, but you-you say that like it's a negative thing. You know, bugs are-are-uh, entomology is a... ...rapidly growing field. You don't want me to live with you? +You don't want me to live with you? How- I don't want you to live with me? How- Whose idea was it? +How- I don't want you to live with me? How- Whose idea was it? Mine. +Mine. Ye-ah. Was it... It was yours actually, but, uh, I approved it immediately. +Ye-ah. Was it... It was yours actually, but, uh, I approved it immediately. I guess you think that I talked you into something, huh? +I guess you think that I talked you into something, huh? No-what, what...? I... we live together, we sleep together, we eat together. Jesus, you don't want it to be like we're married, do yuh? +How is it any different? It's different 'cause you keep your own apartment. Because you know it's there, we don't have to go to it, we don't have to deal with it, but it's like a-a-a free-floating life raft... that we know that we're not married. +That little apartment is four hundred dollars a month, Alvy. That place is four hundred dollars a month? +That place is four hundred dollars a month? Yes, it is. +Yes, it is. It's-it's got bad plumbing and bugs. Jesus, I'll-My accountant will write it off as a tax deduction, I'll pay for it. +It's-it's got bad plumbing and bugs. Jesus, I'll-My accountant will write it off as a tax deduction, I'll pay for it. You don't think I'm smart enough to be serious about. +You don't think I'm smart enough to be serious about. Hey, don't be ridiculous. +Then why are you always pushing me to take those college courses like I was dumb or something? 'Cause adult education's a wonderful thing. You meet a lotta interesting professors. You know, it's stimulating. +"Does this sound like a good course? Uh, ""Modern American Poetry""? Uh, or, uh-let's see now... maybe I should, uh, take ""Introduction to the Novel.""" Just don't take any course where they make you read Beowulf. +Just don't take any course where they make you read Beowulf. What? Hey, listen, what-what do you think? Do you think we should, uh, go to that-that party in Southampton tonight? +No, don't be silly. What-what do we need other people for? You know, we should-we should just turn out the lights, you know, and play hide and seek or something. Well, okay. Well, listen, I'm gonna get a cigarette, okay? +Well, okay. Well, listen, I'm gonna get a cigarette, okay? Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday. +Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday. Well, have you ever made love high? +Well, have you ever made love high? Me, no. You... I-I-you know, if I have grass or alcohol or anything I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. You know, I don't-I don't know why you have to, uh, get high every time we make love. +Me, no. You... I-I-you know, if I have grass or alcohol or anything I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. You know, I don't-I don't know why you have to, uh, get high every time we make love. It relaxes me. +It relaxes me. Oh, you-you have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed? +Oh, you-you have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed? Well, what's the difference, anyway? +Well, what's the difference, anyway? Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentothal. You can sleep through it. +Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentothal. You can sleep through it. Oh, come on, look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years. You should smoke some o' this. You'd be off the couch in no time. +Oh, come on, look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years. You should smoke some o' this. You'd be off the couch in no time. Oh, come, you don't need that. +What are you doing? No, no, no, what... You can once, you can live without it once. Come on. +No, no, no, what... You can once, you can live without it once. Come on. Oh, no, Alvy, please. Alvy, please. M'mrnm. +Oh, no, Alvy, please. Alvy, please. M'mrnm. M'm, wait, I got a great idea. Hang in there for a second. I got a little-little artifact. A little erotic artifact, that-that I brought up from the city, which I think, uh, is gonna be perfect. I just... there... There's a little Old New Orleans... essence. Now-now we can go about our business here and we can even develop photographs if we want to. There, now there. M'mmm. M'mmm. Hey, is something wrong? +M'm, wait, I got a great idea. Hang in there for a second. I got a little-little artifact. A little erotic artifact, that-that I brought up from the city, which I think, uh, is gonna be perfect. I just... there... There's a little Old New Orleans... essence. Now-now we can go about our business here and we can even develop photographs if we want to. There, now there. M'mmm. M'mmm. Hey, is something wrong? Uh-uh-why? +Uh-uh-why? I don't know. You- It's like you're- you're removed. +I don't know. You- It's like you're- you're removed. No, I'm fine. +Really? U-huh. +U-huh. I don't know, but you seem sort of distant. +I don't know, but you seem sort of distant. Let's just do it, all right? +Let's just do it, all right? Is it my imagination or are you just going through the motions? +Oh, you have my body. Yeah, but that's not-that's no good. I want the whole thing. +Yeah, but that's not-that's no good. I want the whole thing. Well, I need grass and so do you. +Well, I need grass and so do you. Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass because, you know, I'm, like, a comedian- +Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass because, you know, I'm, like, a comedian- M'hm. +M'hm. so if I get a laugh from a person who's high, it doesn't count. You know-'cause they're always laughin'. +so if I get a laugh from a person who's high, it doesn't count. You know-'cause they're always laughin'. Were you always funny? +Were you always funny? Hey, what is this-an interview? We're supposed to be making love. +Alvy, you were... Alvy, you were just great, I'm not kidding. It was- You were so neat. C-c-coll- College audiences are so wonderful. +C-c-coll- College audiences are so wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. And you know something? I think that I'm starting to get more of your references, too. +Yeah. Yeah. And you know something? I think that I'm starting to get more of your references, too. Are yuh? +Are yuh? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, the twelve o'clock show is completely different than the nine. +You're so sure about it. Oh, I'm really, uh, looking forward to tomorrow. I mean, you know, I think that it'll be really nice to meet Mother and Father. +Yeah, I know, they'll hate me immediately. Thank you. No, I don't think so. No, I don't think they're gonna hate you at all. On the contrary, I think- +No, I don't think so. No, I don't think they're gonna hate you at all. On the contrary, I think- Yeah. +Yeah. It's Easter. You know, we'll have a nice dinner, we'll sit down and eat. I think they're gonna really like you. +You followed me. I can't believe it! I didn't follow you! +I didn't follow you! You followed me! +You followed me! Why? 'Cause I... was walkin' along a block behind you staring at you? That's not following! +Why? 'Cause I... was walkin' along a block behind you staring at you? That's not following! Well, what is your definition of following? +Well, what is your definition of following? Following is different. I was spying. +Following is different. I was spying. Do you realize how paranoid you are? +Do you realize how paranoid you are? Paranoid? I'm looking at you. You got your arms around another guy. +Paranoid? I'm looking at you. You got your arms around another guy. That is the worst kind of paranoia. +That is the worst kind of paranoia. Yeah-well, I didn't start out spying. I-I thought I'd surprise yuh. Pick you up after school. +Yeah-well, I didn't start out spying. I-I thought I'd surprise yuh. Pick you up after school. Yeah-well, you wanted to keep the relationship flexible, remember? It's your phrase. +Yeah-well, you wanted to keep the relationship flexible, remember? It's your phrase. "Oh, stop it. But you were having an affair with your college professor. That jerk that teaches that incredible crap course ""Contemporary Crisis in Western Man""!" +"Oh, stop it. But you were having an affair with your college professor. That jerk that teaches that incredible crap course ""Contemporary Crisis in Western Man""!" """Existential Motifs in Russian Literature""! You're really close." +"""Existential Motifs in Russian Literature""! You're really close." What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation. +What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation. Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about! +Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love. We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat. +We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat. """Neat""! There's that- What are you- twelve years old? That's one o' your Chippewa Falls expressions! ""He thinks I'm neat.""" +"""Neat""! There's that- What are you- twelve years old? That's one o' your Chippewa Falls expressions! ""He thinks I'm neat.""" Who cares? Who cares? +Who cares? Who cares? Next thing you know he'll find you keen and peachy, you know? Next thing you know he's got his hand on your ass! +You've always had hostility toward David ever since I mentioned him! David? You call your teacher David? +David? You call your teacher David? It's his name. +It's his name. Well, listen, that's, a nice bi-it's a biblical name. Right? W-What does he call you? Bathsheba? +I'm home! Oh, yeah? How'd it go? +Oh, yeah? How'd it go? Oh, it was... really weird. But she's a very nice woman. +Oh, it was... really weird. But she's a very nice woman. Yeah? +Yeah? And I didn't have to lie down on the couch, Alvy, she had me sitting up. So I told her about-about the-the family and about my feelings toward men and about my relationship with my brother. +And I didn't have to lie down on the couch, Alvy, she had me sitting up. So I told her about-about the-the family and about my feelings toward men and about my relationship with my brother. M'm. +M'm. And then she mentioned penis envy... Did you know about that? +And then she mentioned penis envy... Did you know about that? Me? I'm-I'm one of the few males who suffers from that, so, so... you know. +Me? I'm-I'm one of the few males who suffers from that, so, so... you know. M'hm. +M'hm. G-go on, I'm interested. +G-go on, I'm interested. Well, she said that I was very guilty about my impulses toward marriage, and-and children. +Well, she said that I was very guilty about my impulses toward marriage, and-and children. M'hm. +M'hm. And then I remembered when I was a kid how I accidentally saw my parents making love. +And then I remembered when I was a kid how I accidentally saw my parents making love. Tsch. Rea- All this happened in the first hour? +Tsch. Rea- All this happened in the first hour? M'hm. +M'hm. That's amazing. I-I-I... I've been goin' for fifteen years, I-you know, I don't got... nothing like that in- +That's amazing. I-I-I... I've been goin' for fifteen years, I-you know, I don't got... nothing like that in- Oh, I told her my dream and then I cried. +Oh, I told her my dream and then I cried. You cried? I've never once cried. Fantastic... +You cried? I've never once cried. Fantastic... Yeah. +Yeah. I whine. I-I-I sit and I whine. +I whine. I-I-I sit and I whine. In-in... Alvy, in my dream Frank Sinatra is holding his pillow across my face and I can't breathe. +In-in... Alvy, in my dream Frank Sinatra is holding his pillow across my face and I can't breathe. Sinatra? +Sinatra? Yeah, and he's strangling me... +Yeah, and he's strangling me... Yeah? +Yeah? and I keep, you know, it's- +and I keep, you know, it's- Well, well, sure... because he's a singer and you're a singer, you know, so it's perfect. So you're trying to suffocate yourself. It-it makes perfect sense. Uh, uh, that's a perfect analytic... kind of insight. +Well, well, sure... because he's a singer and you're a singer, you know, so it's perfect. So you're trying to suffocate yourself. It-it makes perfect sense. Uh, uh, that's a perfect analytic... kind of insight. She said, your name was Alvy Singer. +She said, your name was Alvy Singer. Whatta you mean? Me? +Whatta you mean? Me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you. Because in the dream... I break Sinatra's glasses. +Yeah, yeah, yeah, you. Because in the dream... I break Sinatra's glasses. Sinatra had gl- You never said Sinatra had glasses. So whatta you saying that I-I'm suffocating you? +Sinatra had gl- You never said Sinatra had glasses. So whatta you saying that I-I'm suffocating you? Oh, and God, Alvy, I did... this really terrible thing to him. Because then when he sang it was in this real high-pitched voice. +Oh, and God, Alvy, I did... this really terrible thing to him. Because then when he sang it was in this real high-pitched voice. Tsch, what'd the doctor say? +Tsch, what'd the doctor say? Well, she said that I should probably come five times a week. And you know something? I don't think I mind analysis at all. The only question is, will it change my wife? +Well, she said that I should probably come five times a week. And you know something? I don't think I mind analysis at all. The only question is, will it change my wife? Will it change your wife? +Will it change your wife? Will it change my life? +Will it change my life? "Yeah, but you said, ""Will it change my wife""!" +"Yeah, but you said, ""Will it change my wife""!" "No, I didn't. I said, ""Will it change my life,"" Alvy." +"No, I didn't. I said, ""Will it change my life,"" Alvy." "You said, ""Will it change..."" Wife. Will it change..." +"You said, ""Will it change..."" Wife. Will it change..." "Life. I said, ""life.""" +"She said, ""Will it change my wife."" You heard that because you were there so I'm not crazy." And, Alvy... and then I told her about how I didn't think you'd ever really take me seriously, because you don't think that I'm smart enough. +Adult education is such junk! The professors are so phony. How can you do it? A bit rapidly. I don't care what you say about David, he's a perfectly fine teacher! +A bit rapidly. I don't care what you say about David, he's a perfectly fine teacher! David! David! I can't believe this! +David! David! I can't believe this! And what are you doing following me around for, anyway? +And what are you doing following me around for, anyway? I'm following you and David, if you- +I'm following you and David, if you- I just think we oughta call this relationship quits! +What's- It's me, open up. Oh. +Oh. Are you okay? What's the matter? Are you all right? What- +Are you okay? What's the matter? Are you all right? What- There's a spider in the bathroom. +There's a spider in the bathroom. What? +What? There's a big black spider in the bathroom. +There's a big black spider in the bathroom. That's what you got me here for at three o'clock in the morning, 'cause there's a spider in the bathroom? +That's what you got me here for at three o'clock in the morning, 'cause there's a spider in the bathroom? My God, I mean, you know how I am about insects. +My God, I mean, you know how I am about insects. Oooh. +Oooh. I can't sleep with a live thing crawling around in the bathroom. +I can't sleep with a live thing crawling around in the bathroom. Kill it! For Go- What's wrong with you? Don't you have a can of Raid in the house? +Kill it! For Go- What's wrong with you? Don't you have a can of Raid in the house? No. +I told you a thousand times you should always keep, uh, a lotta insect spray. You never know who's gonna crawl over. I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and a fire extinguisher. +I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and a fire extinguisher. Jesus. All right, gimme a magazine. I- 'cause I'm a little tired. You know, you, you joke with-about me, you make fun of me, but I'm prepared for anything. An emergency, a tidal wave, an earthquake. Hey, what is this? What? Did you go to a rock concert? +Jesus. All right, gimme a magazine. I- 'cause I'm a little tired. You know, you, you joke with-about me, you make fun of me, but I'm prepared for anything. An emergency, a tidal wave, an earthquake. Hey, what is this? What? Did you go to a rock concert? Yeah. +Yeah. Oh, yeah, really? Really? How-how'd you like it? Was it-was it, I mean, did it... was it heavy? Did it achieve total heavy-ocity? Or was it, uh... +Oh, yeah, really? Really? How-how'd you like it? Was it-was it, I mean, did it... was it heavy? Did it achieve total heavy-ocity? Or was it, uh... It was just great! +It was just great! Oh, humdinger. When- Well, I got a wonderful idea. Why don'tcha get the guy who took you to the rock concert, we'll call him and he can come over and kill the spider. You know, it's a- +"What is this? What are you, since when do you read the ""National Review""? What are you turning in to?" Well, I like to try to get all points of view. +Well, I like to try to get all points of view. It's wonderful. Then why don'tcha get William F. Buckley to kill the spider? +It's wonderful. Then why don'tcha get William F. Buckley to kill the spider? Alvy, you're a little hostile, you know that? Not only that, you look thin and tired. +Well, I was in be- It's three o'clock in the morning. You, uh, you got me outta bed, I ran over here, I couldn't get a taxi cab. You said it was an emergency, and I didn't ge- I ran up the stairs. Hell - I was a lot more attractive when the evening began. Look, uh, tell- Whatta you- Are you going with a right-wing rock-and- roll star? Is that possible? Would you like a glass of chocolate milk? +Would you like a glass of chocolate milk? Hey, what am I-your son? Whatta you mean? I-I came over to -- +Hey, what am I-your son? Whatta you mean? I-I came over to -- I got the good chocolate, Alvy. +I got the good chocolate, Alvy. Yeah, where is the spider? +Yeah, where is the spider? It really is lovely. It's in the bathroom. +It really is lovely. It's in the bathroom. Is he in the bathroom? +Is he in the bathroom? Hey, don't squish it, and after it's dead, flush it down the toilet, okay? And flush it a couple o' times. +Hey, don't squish it, and after it's dead, flush it down the toilet, okay? And flush it a couple o' times. Darling, darling, I've been killing spiders since I was thirty, okay? +Darling, darling, I've been killing spiders since I was thirty, okay? Oh. What? +Oh. What? Very big spider. +Very big spider. Yeah? +Yeah? Two... Yeah. Lotta, lotta trouble. There's two of 'em. +Two? Yep. I didn't think it was that big, but it's a major spider. You got a broom or something with a- +Yep. I didn't think it was that big, but it's a major spider. You got a broom or something with a- Oh, I-I left it at your house. +Oh, I-I left it at your house. snow shovel or anything or something. +snow shovel or anything or something. I think I left it there, I'm sorry. +Okay, let me have this. Well, what are you doing... what are you doing with- +Well, what are you doing... what are you doing with- Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick. +Hey, what is this? You got black soap? It's for my complexion. +It's for my complexion. Whatta-whatta yuh joining a minstrel show? Geez. Don't worry! I did it! I killed them both. What- what's the matter? Whatta you- whatta you sad about? You- What'd you want me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate 'em? +Whatta-whatta yuh joining a minstrel show? Geez. Don't worry! I did it! I killed them both. What- what's the matter? Whatta you- whatta you sad about? You- What'd you want me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate 'em? Oh, don't go, okay? Please. +Oh, don't go, okay? Please. Whatta you mean, don't go? Whatta- whatta what's the matter? Whatta you expecting termites? What's the matter? +Whatta you mean, don't go? Whatta- whatta what's the matter? Whatta you expecting termites? What's the matter? Oh, uh, I don't know. I miss you. Tsch. +Oh, Jesus, really? Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh! Alvy? +Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh! Alvy? What? +Was there somebody in your room when I called you? W-w-whatta you mean? +W-w-whatta you mean? I mean was there another- I thought I heard a voice. +I mean was there another- I thought I heard a voice. Oh, I had the radio on. +Oh, I had the radio on. Yeah? +Yeah? I'm sorry. I had the television set had the television- +I'm sorry. I had the television set had the television- Yeah. +Alvy, let's never break up again. I don't wanna be apart. Oh, no, no, I think we're both much too mature for something like that. +Oh, no, no, I think we're both much too mature for something like that. Living together hasn't been so bad, has it? +Living together hasn't been so bad, has it? It's all right for me, it's been terrific, you know? Better than either one of my marriages. See, 'cause... 'cause there's just something different about you. I don't know what it is, but it's great. +It's all right for me, it's been terrific, you know? Better than either one of my marriages. See, 'cause... 'cause there's just something different about you. I don't know what it is, but it's great. You know I think that if you let me, maybe I could help you have more fun, you know? I mean, I know it's hard and... Yeah. +You know I think that if you let me, maybe I could help you have more fun, you know? I mean, I know it's hard and... Yeah. I don't know. +I don't know. Alvy, what about... what if we go away this weekend, and we could- +Alvy, what about... what if we go away this weekend, and we could- Tsch, why don't we get... why don't we get Rob, and the three of us'll drive into Brooklyn, you know, and we show you the old neighborhood. +Tsch, why don't we get... why don't we get Rob, and the three of us'll drive into Brooklyn, you know, and we show you the old neighborhood. Okay, okay. Okay. +Okay, okay. Okay. That'd be fun for yuh. Don't you think- +That'd be fun for yuh. Don't you think- Yeah. +-me, my God, it's a great day! Hey, can yuh watch the road? Watch the -- +Oh, look, look, there's that... that's that's my old house. That's where we used to live. Holy cow! +Well, I had a really good day, you know that? It was just a real fine way to spend my birthday. Ah? Oh, well, your birthday's not till tomorrow, honey, I hate to tell yuh. +Ah? Oh, well, your birthday's not till tomorrow, honey, I hate to tell yuh. Yeah, but it's real close. +Yeah, but it's real close. Yeah, but no presents till midnight. +Yeah, but no presents till midnight. Oh, darn it. +Happy birthday. What is this? Is this a... Present? Are you kidding? +What is this? Is this a... Present? Are you kidding? Yeah, hey, why don't yuh try it on? +Yeah, hey, why don't yuh try it on? Uh, yeah, uh... t-t-this is more like a present for you, yeah, but it's- +Uh, yeah, uh... t-t-this is more like a present for you, yeah, but it's- Try it... it'll add years to our sex life. +Try it... it'll add years to our sex life. Uh huh. Yeah. Forget it. +Here's a real present. What... huh? +What... huh? Check it out. +Check it out. Oh, yeah? What is this, anyway? Let me see. Okay, let's... oooh, God! Oh, you knew I wanted this... God, it's terrific, God! +Oh, yeah? What is this, anyway? Let me see. Okay, let's... oooh, God! Oh, you knew I wanted this... God, it's terrific, God! Yeah, I know. Just-just put on the watch, and-and... that thing, and we'll just... +Yeah, I know. Just-just put on the watch, and-and... that thing, and we'll just... Oh! My God! +You were-you were sensational. I mean, I-you know, I-I told yuh that if yuh stuck to it, you would be great, and-and, you know, I-I-you- you were sensational. Yeah, well, we have the, I mean, they were just a terrific audience, I mean, you know, it makes it really easy for me, because I can be... huh? +Remember, we had that thing. What thing? +What thing? Don't you remember we-we-we discussed that thing that we were- +Don't you remember we-we-we discussed that thing that we were- Thing? +Thing? yes, we had, uh... +yes, we had, uh... Oh, the thing! Oh, the thing... ...yeah... yeah. +What's... you... well, what's the matter, You w-wanna go to that party? I don't know, I thought it might be kind of fun, you know what I mean, it'd be nice to meet some new people. +I don't know, I thought it might be kind of fun, you know what I mean, it'd be nice to meet some new people. I'm just not... you know, I don't think I could take a mellow eve- 'cause I-I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I-I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then rot. You know, and it's-it's not good for my... +I'm just not... you know, I don't think I could take a mellow eve- 'cause I-I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I-I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then rot. You know, and it's-it's not good for my... All right, all right, you don't wanna go to the party, so uh, whatta you wanna do? +That day in Brooklyn was the last day I remember really having a great time. Well, we never have any laughs anymore, is the problem. +Well, we never have any laughs anymore, is the problem. Well, I've been moody and dissatisfied. +Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week. Constantly! I'd say three times a week. Like the other night, Alvy wanted to have sex. +Constantly! I'd say three times a week. Like the other night, Alvy wanted to have sex. She would not sleep with me the other night, you know, it's- +She would not sleep with me the other night, you know, it's- And... I don't know... I mean, six months ago I-I woulda done it. I woulda done it, just to please him. +And... I don't know... I mean, six months ago I-I woulda done it. I woulda done it, just to please him. I mean... I tried everything, you know, I-I-I put on soft music and my- my red light bulb, and... +I mean... I tried everything, you know, I-I-I put on soft music and my- my red light bulb, and... But the thing is-I mean, since our discussions here, I feel I have a right to my own feelings. I think you woulda been happy because... uh, uh, I really asserted myself. +But the thing is-I mean, since our discussions here, I feel I have a right to my own feelings. I think you woulda been happy because... uh, uh, I really asserted myself. The incredible thing about it is, I'm paying for her analysis and she's making progress and I'm getting screwed. +The incredible thing about it is, I'm paying for her analysis and she's making progress and I'm getting screwed. I don't know, though, I feel so guilty because Alvy is paying for it, so, you know, so I do feel guilty if I don't go to bed with him. But if I do go to bed with him, it's like I'm going against my own feelings. I don't know I-I can't win. +I don't know, though, I feel so guilty because Alvy is paying for it, so, you know, so I do feel guilty if I don't go to bed with him. But if I do go to bed with him, it's like I'm going against my own feelings. I don't know I-I can't win. You know... it's getting expensive my analyst... for her analyst. She- she's making progress and I'm not making any progress. Her progress is defeating my progress. +You know... it's getting expensive my analyst... for her analyst. She- she's making progress and I'm not making any progress. Her progress is defeating my progress. Sometimes I think-sometimes I think I should just live with a woman. +You never wanna try anything new, Alvy. How can you say that? I mean, who said I-I-I-I said that you, I and that girl from your acting class should sleep together in a threesome. +How can you say that? I mean, who said I-I-I-I said that you, I and that girl from your acting class should sleep together in a threesome. That's sick! +That's sick! Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new. You know, you didn't say it couldn't be sick. +Yeah. Come on. It'd be fun. Oh, I'm sure it's a lot of fun, 'cause the Incas did it, you know, and-and they-they-they were a million laughs. +Oh, I'm sure it's a lot of fun, 'cause the Incas did it, you know, and-and they-they-they were a million laughs. Alvy, come on, for your own experience. I mean, you wanna write, why not? +...I'm thrilled. As you know, uh... uh, on my agent's advice I sold out, and I'm gonna do an appearance on TV. No, no, no that's not it at all. Alvy's giving an award on television. Gee, he talks like he's violating a moral issue sitting here. +God. Really? And what is the kick of it? Because I never... +God, it's so clean out here. It's that they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. +Oh, oh, no, I can't-I can't eat this. I'm nauseous. If you could-if you could just give me something to get me through the next two hours, you know I-I have to go out to Burbank... and give out an award on a TV show. Well... H-h huh... Oh, good... Yes, I'll tell him. +Excuse me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Doctor. Uh, Alvy-Alvy, that was the show. They said everything is fine. They found a replacement, so they're going to tape without you. I'm nauseous. Oh, jesus, now I don't get to do the TV show? +Christ! Nothing at all? +Yeah, this place is great. Yeah. +I'm into garbage. It's my thing. Boy, this is really a nice screening room. It's really a nice room. +Oh, good. Okay. I'm cool. +It's wonderful. I mean, you know they just watch movies all day. Yeah, and gradually you get old and die. You know it's important to make a little effort once in a while. +Yeah, and gradually you get old and die. You know it's important to make a little effort once in a while. Don't you think his girl friend's beautiful? +Don't you think his girl friend's beautiful? Yeah, she's got a great-lookin' fa- A pat on the androgynous side. But it's... +Alvy, uh, let's face it. You know something, don't think our relationship is working. Tsch, I know. A relationship, I think, is-is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. +"Whose ""Catcher in the Rye"" is this?" Well, let's see now... If it has my name on it, then I guess it's mine. +Well, let's see now... If it has my name on it, then I guess it's mine. Oh, it sure has... You know, you wrote your name in all my books, 'cause you knew this day was gonna come. +Oh, it sure has... You know, you wrote your name in all my books, 'cause you knew this day was gonna come. Well, uh, Alvy, you wanted to break up just as much as I do. +Well, uh, Alvy, you wanted to break up just as much as I do. There's no-no question in my mind. I think we're doing the mature thing, without any doubt. +There's no-no question in my mind. I think we're doing the mature thing, without any doubt. Now, look, all the books on death and dying are yours and all the poetry books are mine. +Now, look, all the books on death and dying are yours and all the poetry books are mine. "This ""Denial of Death"". You remember this?" +"This ""Denial of Death"". You remember this?" Oh- +Oh- This is the first book that I got you. +God. Remember that day? +Remember that day? Right. Geez, I feel like there's a great weight off my back. M'mmm. +Right. Geez, I feel like there's a great weight off my back. M'mmm. Thanks, honey. +Thanks, honey. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, you know, no, no, no, I mean, I think it's really important for us to explore new relationships and stuff like that. +Yeah, my analyst thinks this move is keen for me. Yeah, and I-I tru- you know, I trust her, because my-my analyst recommended her. +Yeah, and I-I tru- you know, I trust her, because my-my analyst recommended her. Well, why should I put you through all my moods and hang-ups anyway? +Well, why should I put you through all my moods and hang-ups anyway? Right. And you-and you know what the beauty part is? +Right. And you-and you know what the beauty part is? What? +What? We can always come back together again. Because there's no-there's no problem. 'Cause... Right. +We can always come back together again. Because there's no-there's no problem. 'Cause... Right. Exactly, but... exactly. Ooooh! +Exactly, but... exactly. Ooooh! You know, I-I-I don't think many couples could handle this. You know, they could just break up and remain friends. +You know, I-I-I don't think many couples could handle this. You know, they could just break up and remain friends. Hey, this one's mine, this button. This one, you rem- +Hey, this one's mine, this button. This one, you rem- Yeah. +Yeah. I guess these are all yours. Impeach, uh, Eisenhower... Impeach Nixon... Impeach Lyndon Johnson... Impeach Ronald Reagan. +You look very pretty. Oh, no, I just lost a little weight, that's all. Well, you look nice. +Oh, no, I just lost a little weight, that's all. Well, you look nice. You see, I-I've been thinking about it and I think that we should get married. +You see, I-I've been thinking about it and I think that we should get married. Oh, Alvy, come on. +Oh, Alvy, come on. Why? You wanna live out here all year? It's like living in Munchkin Land. +Why? You wanna live out here all year? It's like living in Munchkin Land. Well, whatta you mean? I mean, it's perfectly fine out here. I mean, Tony's very nice and, uh, well, I meet people and I go to parties and- and we play tennis. I mean, that's... that's a very big step for me, you know? I mean... I'm able to enjoy people more. +Well, whatta you mean? I mean, it's perfectly fine out here. I mean, Tony's very nice and, uh, well, I meet people and I go to parties and- and we play tennis. I mean, that's... that's a very big step for me, you know? I mean... I'm able to enjoy people more. So whatta you... You're not gonna come back to New York? +So whatta you... You're not gonna come back to New York? "What's so great about New York? I mean, it's a dying city. You read ""Death in Venice.""" +"What's so great about New York? I mean, it's a dying city. You read ""Death in Venice.""" "Hey, you didn't read ""Death in Venice"" till I bought it for yuh." +"Hey, you didn't read ""Death in Venice"" till I bought it for yuh." "That's right, that's right. You only gave me books with the word ""death"" in the titles." +"That's right, that's right. You only gave me books with the word ""death"" in the titles." That's right, 'cause it's an important issue. +That's right, 'cause it's an important issue. Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean, your life is New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself. +Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean, your life is New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself. I can't enjoy anything unless I... unless everybody is. I-you know, if one guy is starving someplace, that's... you know, I-I... it puts a crimp in my evening. So wanna get married or what? +I can't enjoy anything unless I... unless everybody is. I-you know, if one guy is starving someplace, that's... you know, I-I... it puts a crimp in my evening. So wanna get married or what? No. We're friends. I wanna remain friends. +No. We're friends. I wanna remain friends. Okay. Check, please. Can I -can I... Can I... Can I... +Okay. Check, please. Can I -can I... Can I... Can I... You're mad, aren't you? +You're mad, aren't you? No. Yes, of course I'm mad, because you love me, I know that. +No. Yes, of course I'm mad, because you love me, I know that. Alvy, I can't say that that's true at this point in my life. I really just can't say that that's true. I mean, you know how wonderful you are. I mean, you know... you're the reason that I got outta my room and that I was able to sing, and-and- and, you know, get more in touch with my feelings and all that crap. Anyway, look, I don't wanna- Listen, listen, listen, uh h'h, so whatta you up to anyway, huh? +Alvy, I can't say that that's true at this point in my life. I really just can't say that that's true. I mean, you know how wonderful you are. I mean, you know... you're the reason that I got outta my room and that I was able to sing, and-and- and, you know, get more in touch with my feelings and all that crap. Anyway, look, I don't wanna- Listen, listen, listen, uh h'h, so whatta you up to anyway, huh? The usual, you know. Uh, tryin' t' write. I'm workin' on a play. Jesus. So whatta yuh saying? That you're not comin' back to New York with me? +You mean that... I-I-I-I flew three thousand miles to see you. I'm late. +I'm late. Air miles, you know. I mean, you know what that does to my stomach? +If you must know, it's a hectic time for Tony. The Grammys are tonight. The what? +The what? The Grammys. He's got a lotta records up for awards. +The Grammys. He's got a lotta records up for awards. You mean they give awards for that kind o' music? +You mean they give awards for that kind o' music? Oh! +Oh! I thought just earplugs. +Alvy. Oh, hi, Duane, how's it goin'? +Oh, hi, Duane, how's it goin'? This is my room. +This is my room. Oh, yeah? Terrific. +Oh, yeah? Terrific. Can I confess something? +I tell you this because, as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline. Right. Tsch, well, I have to-I have t-o go now, Duane, because I-I'm due back on the planet earth. +What'd I do? Step up here! +Step up here! What'd I do? +What'd I do? You should be ashamed of yourself. +Why, I was just expressing a healthy sexual curiosity. Six-year-old boys don't have girls on their minds. +Six-year-old boys don't have girls on their minds. I did. +Why couldn't you have been more like Donald? Now, there was a model boy! Tell the folks where you are today, Donald. +Yeah, two more chairs and they got a dining-room set. Why are you so hostile? +Why are you so hostile? 'Cause I wanna watch the Knicks on television. +'Cause I wanna watch the Knicks on television. "Is that Paul Goodman? No. And be nice to the host because he's publishing my book. Hi, Doug! Douglas Wyatt. ""A Foul-Rag-and-Bone Shop-of- the-Heart.""" +I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for Dysentery. Commentary. +Commentary. Oh, really, I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery. +Oh, really, I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery. No jokes-these are friends, okay? +Here you are. There's people out there. Hey, you wouldn't believe this. Two minutes ago, the Knicks are ahead fourteen points, and now... they're ahead two points. +Hey, you wouldn't believe this. Two minutes ago, the Knicks are ahead fourteen points, and now... they're ahead two points. Alvy, what is so fascinating about a group of pituitary cases trying to stuff the ball through a hoop? +Alvy, what is so fascinating about a group of pituitary cases trying to stuff the ball through a hoop? What's fascinating is that it's physical. You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on. But on the other hand... the body doesn't lie, as-as we now know. +Alvy, don't! You're using sex to express hostility. """Why-why do you always r-reduce my animal urges to psychoanalytic categories? he said as he removed her brassiere...""" +"""Why-why do you always r-reduce my animal urges to psychoanalytic categories? he said as he removed her brassiere...""" There are people out there from The New Yorker magazine. My God! What would they think? +Oh, I'm sorry! Don't get upset! +Don't get upset! Dammit! I was so close. +Jesus, last night it was some guy honking his car horn. I mean, the city can't close down. You know, what-whatta yuh gonna do, h-have 'em shut down the airport, too? No more flights so we can have sex? I'm too tense. I need a Valium. My analyst says I should live in the country and not in New York. +I'm too tense. I need a Valium. My analyst says I should live in the country and not in New York. Well, I can't li- We can't have this discussion all the time. The country makes me nervous. There's... You got crickets and it-it's quiet... there's no place to walk after dinner, and... uh, there's the screens with the dead moths behind them, and... uh, yuh got the-the Manson family possibly, yuh got Dick and Terry- +Well, I can't li- We can't have this discussion all the time. The country makes me nervous. There's... You got crickets and it-it's quiet... there's no place to walk after dinner, and... uh, there's the screens with the dead moths behind them, and... uh, yuh got the-the Manson family possibly, yuh got Dick and Terry- Okay, okay, my analyst just thinks I'm too tense. Where's the goddamn Valium? +Hey, come on, it's quiet now. We can- we can start again. I can't. +I can't. What- +What- My head is throbbing. +My head is throbbing. Oh, you got a headache! +Oh, you got a headache! I have a headache. +I have a headache. Bad? +Bad? Oswald and ghosts. +Oswald and ghosts. Jesus! +Where are you going? Well, I'm-I'm gonna take another in a series of cold showers. +Man, that's great. That's just great. You catch Dylan? +You catch Dylan? Me? No, no. I-I couldn't make it that ni- My-my raccoon had hepatitis. +Me? No, no. I-I couldn't make it that ni- My-my raccoon had hepatitis. You have a raccoon? +You have a raccoon? Tsch, a few. +Tsch, a few. The only word for this is trans- plendid. It's trans-plendid. +The only word for this is trans- plendid. It's trans-plendid. I can think of another word. +I can think of another word. He's God! I mean, this man is God! He's got millions of followers who would crawl all the way across the world just to touch the hem of his garment. +He's God! I mean, this man is God! He's got millions of followers who would crawl all the way across the world just to touch the hem of his garment. Really? It must be a tremendous hem. +Really? It must be a tremendous hem. I'm a Rosicrucian myself. +I'm a Rosicrucian myself. Are you? +Are you? Yeah. +Yeah. I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics. Look- there's God coming outta the men's room. +I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics. Look- there's God coming outta the men's room. It's unbelievably trans-plendid! I was at the Stones concert in Altamount when they killed that guy, remember? +It's unbelievably trans-plendid! I was at the Stones concert in Altamount when they killed that guy, remember? Yeah, were yuh? I was-I was at an Alice Cooper thing where six people were rushed to the hospital with bad vibes. +I hope you don't mind that I took so long to finish. Oh, no, no, don't be... tsch... don't be silly. You know, I'm startin' it-I'm startin' to get some feeling back in my jaw now. +Oh, no, no, don't be... tsch... don't be silly. You know, I'm startin' it-I'm startin' to get some feeling back in my jaw now. Oh, sex with you is really a kafkaesque experience. +Oh, sex with you is really a kafkaesque experience. Oh, tsch, thank you. H'm. +Oh, tsch, thank you. H'm. I mean that as a compliment. +I mean that as a compliment. I think-I think there's too much burden placed on the orgasm, you know, to make up for empty areas in life. +I think-I think there's too much burden placed on the orgasm, you know, to make up for empty areas in life. Who said that? +Who said that? Uh, oh, I don't know. It might have been Leopold and Loeb. Hello. Oh, hi... Uh, no, what-what's the matter? What-what-what? You sound terrible... No, what- Sure I- Whatta yuh what kind of an emergency?... No, well, stay there. Stay there, I'll come over right now. I'll come over right now. Just stay there, I'll come right over. +You know, it must need to have had its leading from one thought to another. You know what I'm talking about? He's screaming his opinions in my ear. +He's screaming his opinions in my ear. Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or Satyricon, I found it incredibly... indulgent. You know, he really is. He's one of the most indulgent film makers. He really is- +Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or Satyricon, I found it incredibly... indulgent. You know, he really is. He's one of the most indulgent film makers. He really is- "Key word here is ""indulgent.""" +"Key word here is ""indulgent.""" without getting... well, let's put it this way... +without getting... well, let's put it this way... What are you depressed about? +It's like Samuel Beckett, you know- I admire the technique but he doesn't... he doesn't hit me on a gut level. I'd like to hit this guy on a gut level. +Probably on their first date, right? It's a narrow view. +It's a narrow view. "Probably met by answering an ad in the New York Review of Books. ""Thirtyish academic wishes to meet woman who's interested in Mozart, James Joyce and sodomy."" Whatta you mean, our sexual problem?" +I never read that. That was-that was Henry James, right? Novel, uh, the sequel to Turn of the Screw? My Sexual... It's the influence of television. Yeah, now Marshall McLuhan deals with it in terms of it being a-a high, uh, high intensity, you understand? A hot medium... as opposed to a... +It's the influence of television. Yeah, now Marshall McLuhan deals with it in terms of it being a-a high, uh, high intensity, you understand? A hot medium... as opposed to a... What I wouldn't give for a large sock o' horse manure. +What I wouldn't give for a large sock o' horse manure. ...as opposed to a print... +Wait a minute, why can't I give my opinion? It's a free country! I mean, d- He can give you- Do you hafta give it so loud? I mean, aren't you ashamed to pontificate like that? And- and the funny part of it is, M- Marshall McLuhan, you don't know anything about Marshall McLuhan's... work! +I mean, d- He can give you- Do you hafta give it so loud? I mean, aren't you ashamed to pontificate like that? And- and the funny part of it is, M- Marshall McLuhan, you don't know anything about Marshall McLuhan's... work! "Wait a minute! Really? Really? I happen to teach a class at Columbia called ""TV Media and Culture""! So I think that my insights into Mr. McLuhan- well, have a great deal of validity." +"Wait a minute! Really? Really? I happen to teach a class at Columbia called ""TV Media and Culture""! So I think that my insights into Mr. McLuhan- well, have a great deal of validity." Oh, do yuh? +Oh, do yuh? Yes. +Yes. Well, that's funny, because I happen to have Mr. McLuhan right here. So... so, here, just let me- I mean, all right. Come over here... a second. +Oh. Tell him. +Thank you very much. It's a pleasure. This is, uh, Shawn, and, uh... Bob and Petronia. +This is a great house, really. Everything. Saunas, Jacuzzis, three tennis courts. You know who the original owners were? Nelson Eddy, then Legs Diamond. Then you know who lived here? Trigger. +Charlie Chaplin. Hey. +Hey. Right before his un-American thing. +Uh, you guys are still-uh, you're still New Yorkers. Yeah, I love it there. +What are you making such a big deal about? They're only lobsters. Look, you're a grown man, you know how to pick up a lobster. I'm not myself since I stopped smoking. +I'm not myself since I stopped smoking. Oh, when'd you quit smoking? +Sixteen years ago. Whatta you mean? +Whatta you mean? Mean? +Mean? You stopped smoking sixteen years ago, is that what you said? Oh, I-I don't understand. Are you joking, or what? +Officer, I know what you're gonna say. I'm-I'm not a great driver, you know, I-I have some problems with- with-with- May I see your license, please? +May I see your license, please? Sure. just don't-don't get angry, you know what I mean? 'Cause I-I have - I have my-my license here. You know, it's a rented car. And I've... +Don't give me your life story just pick up the license. Pick up the license. You have to ask nicely 'cause I've had an extremely rough day. You know, my girl friend- +Pick up the license. You have to ask nicely 'cause I've had an extremely rough day. You know, my girl friend- Just give me the license, please. +Just give me the license, please. Since you put it that way. It's hard for me to refuse. ...have a, I have a terrific problem with authority, you know. I'm... it's not your fault. Don't take it personal. +"I distinctly heard it. He muttered under his breath, ""Jew.""" You're crazy! +You're crazy! "No, I'm not. We were walking off the tennis court, and you know, he was there and me and his wife, and he looked at her and then they both looked at me, and under his breath he said, ""Jew.""" +"No, I'm not. We were walking off the tennis court, and you know, he was there and me and his wife, and he looked at her and then they both looked at me, and under his breath he said, ""Jew.""" Alvy, you're a total paranoid. +Alvy, you're a total paranoid. "Wh- How am I a paran-? Well, I pick up on those kind o' things. You know, I was having lunch with some guys from NBC, so I said... uh, ""Did you eat yet or what?"" and Tom Christie said, ""No, didchoo?"" Not, did you, didchoo eat? Jew? No, not did you eat, but Jew eat? Jew. You get it? Jew eat?" +"Wh- How am I a paran-? Well, I pick up on those kind o' things. You know, I was having lunch with some guys from NBC, so I said... uh, ""Did you eat yet or what?"" and Tom Christie said, ""No, didchoo?"" Not, did you, didchoo eat? Jew? No, not did you eat, but Jew eat? Jew. You get it? Jew eat?" Ah, Max, you, uh... +Ah, Max, you, uh... Stop calling me Max. +Stop calling me Max. Why, Max? It's a good name for you. Max, you see conspiracies in everything. +Why, Max? It's a good name for you. Max, you see conspiracies in everything. "No, I don't! You know, I was in a record store. Listen to this- so I know there's this big tall blond crew-cutted guy and he's lookin' at me in a funny way and smiling and he's saying, ""Yes, we have a sale this week on Wagner."" Wagner, Max, Wagner- so I know what he's really tryin' to tell me very significantly Wagner." +"No, I don't! You know, I was in a record store. Listen to this- so I know there's this big tall blond crew-cutted guy and he's lookin' at me in a funny way and smiling and he's saying, ""Yes, we have a sale this week on Wagner."" Wagner, Max, Wagner- so I know what he's really tryin' to tell me very significantly Wagner." Right, Max. California, Max. +Right, Max. California, Max. Ah. +Ah. Let's get the hell outta this crazy city. +Let's get the hell outta this crazy city. Forget it, Max. +Forget it, Max. We move to sunny L.A. All of show business is out there, Max. +We move to sunny L.A. All of show business is out there, Max. No, I cannot. You keep bringing it up, but I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light. +No, I cannot. You keep bringing it up, but I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light. Right, Max, forget it. Aren't you gonna be late for meeting Annie? +Right, Max, forget it. Aren't you gonna be late for meeting Annie? I'm gonna meet her in front of the Beekman. I think I have a few minutes left. Right? +Max, my serve is gonna send yuh to the showers- Right, right, so g-get back to what we were discussing, the failure of the country to get behind New York City is-is anti-Semitism. +Right, right, so g-get back to what we were discussing, the failure of the country to get behind New York City is-is anti-Semitism. Max, the city is terribly worried. +Max, the city is terribly worried. But the- I'm not discussing politics or economics. This is foreskin. +But the- I'm not discussing politics or economics. This is foreskin. No, no, no, Max, that's a very convenient out. Every time some group disagrees with you it's because of anti-Semitism. +No, no, no, Max, that's a very convenient out. Every time some group disagrees with you it's because of anti-Semitism. Don't you see? The rest of the country looks upon New York like we're-we're left-wing Communist, Jewish, homosexual, pornographers. I think of us that way, sometimes, and I-I live here. +Don't you see? The rest of the country looks upon New York like we're-we're left-wing Communist, Jewish, homosexual, pornographers. I think of us that way, sometimes, and I-I live here. Max, if we lived in California, we could play outdoors every day, in the sun. +Max, if we lived in California, we could play outdoors every day, in the sun. Sun is bad for yuh. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat, college... +Yeah, watch the road! You'll total the whole car. +Yeah, the neighborhood's gonna be great. We can show her the schoolyard. +We can show her the schoolyard. Right. I was a great athlete. Tell her, Max, I was the best, I was all schoolyard. +Right. I was a great athlete. Tell her, Max, I was the best, I was all schoolyard. Yes, I remember. He was all schoolyard. They threw him a football once, he tried to dribble it. +Yes, I remember. He was all schoolyard. They threw him a football once, he tried to dribble it. Yeah, well, I used to lose my glasses a lot. +I have some very good memories there. What kind of good memories, Max? Your mother and father fighting all the time. +What kind of good memories, Max? Your mother and father fighting all the time. Yeah, and always over the most ridiculous things. +Right-well, Santa Claus will have sunstroke. Max, there's no crime, there's no mugging. +Max, there's no crime, there's no mugging. There's no economic crime, you know, but there's-there's ritual, religious- cult murders, you know, there's wheat- germ killers out here. +There's no economic crime, you know, but there's-there's ritual, religious- cult murders, you know, there's wheat- germ killers out here. While you're out here, Max, I want you to see some of my TV show. And we're invited to a big Christmas party. +Oh. Look, now, Charlie, give me a big laugh here. +Do you realize how immoral this all is? Max, I've got a hit series. +Max, I've got a hit series. Yeah, I know; but you're adding fake laughs. +Give me a tremendous laugh here, Charlie. Look, uh... +We do the show live in front of an audience. Great, but nobody laughs at it 'cause your jokes aren't funny. +Great, but nobody laughs at it 'cause your jokes aren't funny. Yeah, well, that's why this machine is dynamite. +What's the matter? I don't know, I just got-I got very dizzy... I feel dizzy, Max. +I don't know, I just got-I got very dizzy... I feel dizzy, Max. Well, sit down. +Well, sit down. Oh, Jesus. +Oh, Jesus. You all right? +You all right? I don't know, I mean, I- +I don't know, I mean, I- You wanna lie down? +You wanna lie down? No, no-my, you know, my stomach felt queasy all morning. I just started getting... +No, no-my, you know, my stomach felt queasy all morning. I just started getting... How about a ginger ale? +How about a ginger ale? Oh, Max... no, I maybe I better lie down. +You like this house, Max? M'hm. +M'hm. I even brought a road map to get us to the bathroom. +I even brought a road map to get us to the bathroom. Whee, you shoulda told me it was Tony Lacey's party. +Whee, you shoulda told me it was Tony Lacey's party. What difference does that make? +I think he has a little thing for Annie. Oh, no, no, that's bullshit, Max. He goes with that girl over there. +Oh, no, no, that's bullshit, Max. He goes with that girl over there. Where? +The one with the V.P.L. V.P.L.? +V.P.L.? Visible panty line. Max, she is gorgeous. +Visible panty line. Max, she is gorgeous. Yeah, she's a ten, Max, and that's great for you because you're-you're used to twos, aren't you? +Yeah, she's a ten, Max, and that's great for you because you're-you're used to twos, aren't you? There are no twos, Max. +There are no twos, Max. Yeah, you're used to the kind with the- with the shopping bags walking through Central Park with the surgical masks on muttering. +Yeah, you're used to the kind with the- with the shopping bags walking through Central Park with the surgical masks on muttering. M'hm. +M'hm. And... uh- +And... uh- How do you like this couple, Max? +And I think they just came back from Masters and Johnson. Yeah, intensive care ward. My God-hey, Max, I think she's... I think she's giving me the eye. +If she comes over here, Max, my brain is going to turn into guacamole. I'll handle it. I'll handle it. Hi. +Oh, he-he didn't say anything. No, no, I came out here to get some shock therapy, but there was an energy crisis, so I... He's my-my food taster. Have you two met? +No, no, I came out here to get some shock therapy, but there was an energy crisis, so I... He's my-my food taster. Have you two met? Hi. How do you do. +Hey, you guys are wearin' white. It must be in the stars. Yeah. Right. +Yeah. Right. Uri Geller must be on the premises someplace. +Uri Geller must be on the premises someplace. We're gonna operate together. +Imagine my surprise when I got your call, Max. Yeah. I had the feeling that I got you at a bad moment. You know, I heard high-pitched squealing. +Twins, Max. Sixteen-year-olds. Can you imagine the mathematical possibilities? You're an actor, Max. You should be doing Shakespeare in the Park. +You're an actor, Max. You should be doing Shakespeare in the Park. Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max. I got mugged. I was playing Richard the Second and two guys with leather jackets stole my leotard. +Max, are we driving through plutonium? Keeps out the alpha rays, Max. You don't get old. +Let 'im drop dead! Who needs his business?! His wife has diabetes! +His wife has diabetes! Di-diabetes? Is that any excuse? Diabetes? +You fired the cleaning woman? She was stealing. +She was stealing. But she's colored. +But she's colored. SO? +SO? So the colored have enough trouble. +So the colored have enough trouble. She was going through my pocketbook! +She was going through my pocketbook! They're persecuted enough! +They're persecuted enough! Who's persecuting? She stole! +All right-so we can afford it. How can we afford it? On your pay? What if she steals more? +How can we afford it? On your pay? What if she steals more? She's a colored woman, from Harlem! +Dennis-right, uh, uh... local kid probably, would meetcha in front of the movie house on Saturday night. Oh, God, you should've seen what I looked like then. +Oh, God, you should've seen what I looked like then. Oh, I can imagine. P-p-probably the wife of an astronaut. +Oh, I can imagine. P-p-probably the wife of an astronaut. Then there was Jerry, the actor. +Look at you, you-you're such a clown. I look pretty. +I look pretty. Well, yeah, you always look pretty, but that guy with you... +Heavy! Eaten by some squirrels. Hey, listen-I mean, he was a terrific actor, and look at him, he's neat- looking and he was emotional... Y- hey, I don't think you like emotion too much. +That was fun. I don't think California is bad at all. It's a drag coming home. Lotta beautiful women. It was fun to flirt. +Lotta beautiful women. It was fun to flirt. I have to face facts. I-I adore Alvy, but our relationship doesn't seem to work anymore. +I have to face facts. I-I adore Alvy, but our relationship doesn't seem to work anymore. I'll have the usual trouble with Annie in bed tonight. Whatta I need this? +I'll have the usual trouble with Annie in bed tonight. Whatta I need this? If only I had the nerve to break up, but it would really hurt him. +If only I had the nerve to break up, but it would really hurt him. If only I didn't feel guilty asking Annie to move out. It'd probably wreck her. But I should be honest. +We went over to the swap meet. Annie, Gram and I. Got some nice picture frames. We really had a good time. +Oh, that Randolph Hunt. You remember Randy Hunt, Annie. He was in the choir with you. Oh, yes, yes. +Oh, yes, that's right. Did you see the new play? Oh, you remember her, Annie. +Oh, you remember her, Annie. Yes, I do. +Now, don't let it be so long, now. No. +Oh, he's adorable, Annie. You think so? Do you really? +You think so? Do you really? We're going to take them to the airport. +M'mmm. I just have time to get the, uh- +Oh. Hi, I'm-I'm Tony Lacey. +Hi, I'm-I'm Tony Lacey. Well, hi! +Well, hi! Uh, we just wanted to stop by and say that we really enjoyed your sets. +Uh, we just wanted to stop by and say that we really enjoyed your sets. Oh, yeah, really, oh! +Oh, yeah, really, oh! I though it was... very musical, and I liked it a lot. +I though it was... very musical, and I liked it a lot. Oh, neat... oh, that's very nice, gosh, thanks a lot. +Oh, neat... oh, that's very nice, gosh, thanks a lot. Are you... are you recording? Or do- Are you with any label now? +Are you... are you recording? Or do- Are you with any label now? No, no, no, not at all. +No, no, no, not at all. Uh, well, I'd like to talk to you about that sometime, if you get a chance. +Oh. What about? ...of possibly working together. +...of possibly working together. Well, hey, that's, that's nice. Uh. Oh, listen, this is, uh, Alvy Singer. Do you know Alvy? Uh... and... uh... Tony Lacey. +Well, hey, that's, that's nice. Uh. Oh, listen, this is, uh, Alvy Singer. Do you know Alvy? Uh... and... uh... Tony Lacey. No, I don't-I don't know, but I-I know your work. I'm a big fan of yours. +Uh... w-we're going back to the Pierre. We're staying at the Pierre... and we're gonna meet Jack and Angelica, and have a drink there, and... if you'd like to come, uh, we'd love to have you. Yeah. +Yeah. And we could just sit and talk... nothing. Uh, not a big deal, it's just relax, just be very mellow. +Oh, well, I-if it's inconvenient, eh, we can't do it now... that's fine, too. W-w-w-we'll do it another time. Hey- +Hey- Maybe if you're on the Coast, we'll get together and... and we'll meet there. +Oh. It was a wonderful set. +It was a wonderful set. Oh, gosh. +Oh, gosh. I really enjoyed it. Nice to have metcha. Good night. +We just need about six weeks, in about six weeks we could cut a whole album. I don't know, this is strange to me, you know. +I don't know, this is strange to me, you know. Just... that's all you need. You can come and stay here. +Just... that's all you need. You can come and stay here. Oh. +Oh. There's a whole wing in this house. +There's a whole wing in this house. Oh yeah, stay here? U-huh. +Oh yeah, stay here? U-huh. You can have it to use. Why-why are you smiling? +You can have it to use. Why-why are you smiling? I don't know. I don't know. +Yeah. Well, I used to live there. I used to live there for years. You know, but it's gotten-it's so dirty now. +Well, I used to live there. I used to live there for years. You know, but it's gotten-it's so dirty now. Yeah. +Oh, and there's another thing about New York. See... you-you wanna see a movie, you have to stand in a long line. Yeah. +Yeah. It could be freezing, it could be raining. +It could be freezing, it could be raining. Yeah. +Yeah. And here, you just- +Tessie, they say you were the sister with personality. I was a great beauty. +I was a great beauty. Uh, how did this personality come about? +Uh, how did this personality come about? I was very charming. +I was very charming. There were many men interested in you? +There were many men interested in you? Oh, I was quite a lively dancer. +How long have you worked for the Therrians? A long time. +A long time. So you were here when they were doing the work on the boundary fence? +So you were here when they were doing the work on the boundary fence? Oh yes. +Oh yes. Did you know the contractor? +Did you know the contractor? Very well. +Very well. Was it a contractor? +Was it a contractor? It's the way they do things. +It's the way they do things. To code? +Did you see permits? Did he have a license? You should talk to Mr. Joe. +So who won? A triumph. When did you get here? +A triumph. When did you get here? Ten, fifteen minutes ago. +Ten, fifteen minutes ago. Why didn't you come in? +Why didn't you come in? I hate the sight of blood. You guys don't take prisoners. +You're not upset that I brought the dog? Would it make a difference? +Would it make a difference? Anouk isn't like a dog, really. More like a small person. So is there anyone here for me? No one looks new. Who's that? +Anouk isn't like a dog, really. More like a small person. So is there anyone here for me? No one looks new. Who's that? You don't want that. It's married and it's the neighbor. +You don't want that. It's married and it's the neighbor. Oh I think he's cute. How's the marriage part working out? +Oh I think he's cute. How's the marriage part working out? You're fucking desperate. +You're fucking desperate. Like you didn't know. Who invited the bimbo? +Like you didn't know. Who invited the bimbo? One guess. +Jack. Did you compose that yourself? Absolutely. +Absolutely. Had a little help? +Had a little help? Absolutely not. +Absolutely not. It has your ring. +It has your ring. I'm not that good. +What's that? The neighbors from hell. The kind that lay in wait. I'd rather move actually. Wouldn't I? Wouldn't I? +Can we... one at a time? Hold it down, and one at a time. You're last, Cal. Why last? +It's going. It's going. And how's the diva doing? +Isn't Skye amazing? She's got great tits. +She's got great tits. She's a constant surprise. +She's a constant surprise. And you've only just met. +And you've only just met. Yeah, I know... But she's only twenty seven and... The wisdom. She's an old soul. She knew that Shostakovich thing. Did you notice? +Yeah, I know... But she's only twenty seven and... The wisdom. She's an old soul. She knew that Shostakovich thing. Did you notice? Absolutely. And she's got great tits. +Absolutely. And she's got great tits. Yeah, God she really does have great tits, great tits. i can't wait to work with her. +Yeah, God she really does have great tits, great tits. i can't wait to work with her. The camera loves her. A great actress. +The camera loves her. A great actress. With great tits. I'm going to ask her if I can touch them. +Poor Mac. It's been a bit of a struggle. I'm sure Sally's told you. No, what? +No, what? The movie. +The movie. Oh, she's really enjoying it. I think. Is Mac okay? +Oh, she's really enjoying it. I think. Is Mac okay? I don't know what's going on. I don't care to guess. Mac's really unhappy. She isn't there, that's all. She's no idea what she's playing, not a clue. +I don't know what's going on. I don't care to guess. Mac's really unhappy. She isn't there, that's all. She's no idea what she's playing, not a clue. Who, Sally? +Who, Sally? And, you know it isn't rocket science, this script. She can barely get the lines out. There was a scene last week - she sobbed, through every take. I know crying's easy for her but it's a fucking comedy, Joe. Something's gone. You know, that thing that was Sally - that always surprised you. It's gone. I think she's scared. And that's death. +And, you know it isn't rocket science, this script. She can barely get the lines out. There was a scene last week - she sobbed, through every take. I know crying's easy for her but it's a fucking comedy, Joe. Something's gone. You know, that thing that was Sally - that always surprised you. It's gone. I think she's scared. And that's death. I still think she sails above the rest. I mean not like her early films. But those were all such great directors. +I still think she sails above the rest. I mean not like her early films. But those were all such great directors. Mac's a pretty great director, Joe. He's a woman's director. And nothing's happening. Course he won't fire her, because of the friendship... But it was discussed. He had to battle his studio to get her in the first place. +Mac's a pretty great director, Joe. He's a woman's director. And nothing's happening. Course he won't fire her, because of the friendship... But it was discussed. He had to battle his studio to get her in the first place. What? +What? "Hey, listen, I love her. She's Sophia's best friend. I never said any of this, alright. I'll deny it on the stand... You guys are gonna have kids. That is so great. Maybe that's what this is all about. Maybe she doesn't want to do this anymore. You know adults don't do this for a living. You guys are gonna have your kids, you'll be directing -- one asshole in the family is enough. Sophia knew that intuitively. Look at Clair. Clair's a mess. Make sure she gets the epidural. Forget that natural childbirth shit. Everything's going to be what it's supposed to be. ""Life is but a walking shadow. A poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more..."" And speaking of me, the role of Leo in your film?" +"Hey, listen, I love her. She's Sophia's best friend. I never said any of this, alright. I'll deny it on the stand... You guys are gonna have kids. That is so great. Maybe that's what this is all about. Maybe she doesn't want to do this anymore. You know adults don't do this for a living. You guys are gonna have your kids, you'll be directing -- one asshole in the family is enough. Sophia knew that intuitively. Look at Clair. Clair's a mess. Make sure she gets the epidural. Forget that natural childbirth shit. Everything's going to be what it's supposed to be. ""Life is but a walking shadow. A poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more..."" And speaking of me, the role of Leo in your film?" Leo? +Leo? Any thoughts on casting yet? +Any thoughts on casting yet? Leo? It was out to Jude Law. Jude passed. +Leo? It was out to Jude Law. Jude passed. Well, I can't make any promises, and of course I haven't read the script but I loved the novel...when are you shooting? +Well, I can't make any promises, and of course I haven't read the script but I loved the novel...when are you shooting? October-ish. +October-ish. I have a small window of time. +I have a small window of time. Leo. Leo's twenty-eight, Cal. +Leo. Leo's twenty-eight, Cal. Scratch the two, write in a four. +Scratch the two, write in a four. Scratch the two, write in a four. +Scratch the two, write in a four. You've got a lot of fucking gall. Thirty nine. +You've got a lot of fucking gall. Thirty nine. Five years ago, I was at the party, remember? +She already has. It's alright, isn't it? +So they tell me. Not soon enough, of course. How are you, Sal? You look fantastic. It changes your life, you know. A baby. It puts everything in perspective, doesn't it. Doesn't it, Mac? You can't be the center of your own world, anymore. It's an object lesson in grace. Wow! Look who's here before me! My leading man is on time for once. +Mac? Oh there you are. What are you doing, honey? No more work. Don't you feel breezy. I'm in mourning. +I'm in mourning. You can cut around it, whatever it is. You always do. +You can cut around it, whatever it is. You always do. Not this time. +Not this time. It's always not this time. If you can do it around me, you can do it around anyone. +You don't have any clothes on. How nice for everybody. Come swimming. The water's glorious. You'll fix it. You'll come up with one of your brilliant ideas. +How nice for everybody. Come swimming. The water's glorious. You'll fix it. You'll come up with one of your brilliant ideas. Or I won't. I can't help her. I'm out of my depth. +Or I won't. I can't help her. I'm out of my depth. Things always look much worse in the morning. +Things always look much worse in the morning. I don't know how to make her funny. +I don't know how to make her funny. You're coming swimming in the pool, and in a few minutes you won't even remember what it's about. You won't care who's in your damn movie. +You're coming swimming in the pool, and in a few minutes you won't even remember what it's about. You won't care who's in your damn movie. What what's about? +What what's about? I...wait, what are you talking about? +Honey? I'll be fine. Really babe. Give me a minute. +What a fucking day! We only just got a sitter. I don't know her from fucking Adam. She could be a serial killer. I'm going to have to call every ten minutes. You have to let me give out the number. Of course. +I'm not. This is Monica and Ryan. Mac and Clair. +Why didn't you bring him? What? +What? Why didn't you bring him? +Why didn't you bring him? He's allergic. +He's allergic. Oh. +Oh. To dander. Otis. +To dander. Otis. Oh. +Oh. Didn't I say? +Didn't I say? Well, probably. +Well, probably. They can tell from the eyelashes, you know? He's got eyelashes yay long. They must be a foot long. The older you are when you have a baby, the more likely this stuff is to crop up. +They can tell from the eyelashes, you know? He's got eyelashes yay long. They must be a foot long. The older you are when you have a baby, the more likely this stuff is to crop up. Oh. +It sounds hysterical, but Otis just rubbed up against me and I'd kind of like to change into something of yours. You know it could be disaster. He's so allergic. It's terrifying. Borrow whatever you like. +Borrow whatever you like. I'll change back before we leave. +I'll change back before we leave. Whatever you like. I'm afraid it'll all be too big for you. Are you alright, Clair? +Whatever you like. I'm afraid it'll all be too big for you. Are you alright, Clair? I'm fine. I'm fine. Well, I'm a little stressed. And I've been taking pills to get my weight down since the baby. +I'm fine. I'm fine. Well, I'm a little stressed. And I've been taking pills to get my weight down since the baby. I'd say it was down. +I'd say it was down. And the doctor said they might make me a little jumpy. I've got a ghastly headache, actually. +And the doctor said they might make me a little jumpy. I've got a ghastly headache, actually. You want a Tylenol, or something? +You want a Tylenol, or something? I'd love a Xanex. Sally, please don't tell Sophia that I'm not breast feeding. +I'd love a Xanex. Sally, please don't tell Sophia that I'm not breast feeding. Why would she care? +Why would she care? You know Sophia. She's so damned judgemental. And she's so damned... perfect. And so fucking... serene. Just fucking don't tell her. Because you know Mac thinks she's God. And I can feel him comparing. +You know Sophia. She's so damned judgemental. And she's so damned... perfect. And so fucking... serene. Just fucking don't tell her. Because you know Mac thinks she's God. And I can feel him comparing. You need to knock off the pills, Clair. +You need to knock off the pills, Clair. Just don't fucking tell her. +Just don't fucking tell her. It's not going to come up. +Thank you, thank you, thank you. My God, your wardrobe is incredible. It took me forever to decide. Oh, and I found Dr. X, thank you. You saved my life. +You look so well, Clair. A wraith. You think so!? I've been working out a lot since the baby. And I've been working. And that takes it's toll, you know. +You think so!? I've been working out a lot since the baby. And I've been working. And that takes it's toll, you know. I'm glad that's all over for me. +I'm glad that's all over for me. Don't you miss it? +Don't you miss it? Never. +Never. Really. +Really. Not for a second. Cal can have all that. +Not for a second. Cal can have all that. Really? +Really? So where is young Jonah? +So where is young Jonah? With a sitter. We have a sensational sitter. Jonah's really comfortable with her. You know, a second mom sort of. Like part of the family. Amazing with kids. +What is that thing? So this sitter can always reach me. I'm still not used to leaving him. +So this sitter can always reach me. I'm still not used to leaving him. You should have brought him. +You should have brought him. Dander. He's allergic. Otis. +Dander. He's allergic. Otis. Oh. Do you have any pictures? +Oh. Do you have any pictures? Pictures. They're always in my tote. I left my tote in the damn trailer. But! He's Mac all over again. Imagine Mac shrunk to two-and-a-half feet. The fact is they probably didn't even need me for this birth. +Pictures. They're always in my tote. I left my tote in the damn trailer. But! He's Mac all over again. Imagine Mac shrunk to two-and-a-half feet. The fact is they probably didn't even need me for this birth. Are you the funniest person I know, or what? +Are you the funniest person I know, or what? I can't think how you gave it all up, Soph. +Let's get the kids. Oh my God, the sitter. +Thanks for coming. Happy anniversary. You're a good match, you two. Can you help me with this stuff? +Would you leave us alone right now? I love her too, Joe. +He's gonna miss his flight. Yeah. +Is he not going? I booked a flight. He's not going tonight. +He's not going tonight. I told his father he'd be on that flight. +I told his father he'd be on that flight. Well you could tell him otherwise. It was good of you to be all this help. But he doesn't want to go tonight. +Well you could tell him otherwise. It was good of you to be all this help. But he doesn't want to go tonight. Jesus, Sally. I'm not the enemy. +Jesus, Sally. I'm not the enemy. And you're not the wife. +And you're not the wife. It's not a contest. +It's not a contest. Damn straight. +Take good care of it. Count on it. +I'm the hired help. Fuck you. +Fuck you. I never put myself in harm's way. +I never put myself in harm's way. Anymore. +Anymore. No, not anymore. Happy anniversary, scout. +That for us? What a nose. You missed your calling. +What a nose. You missed your calling. Can I open it? +Can I open it? Sally? +Sally? Please? +Directing suits you. I'm not so sure. Look again in three months. +I'm not so sure. Look again in three months. It must be nice having so many strangers kiss your ass all of a sudden. +It must be nice having so many strangers kiss your ass all of a sudden. Ow! Gina, you obviously need to get fucked. +Ow! Gina, you obviously need to get fucked. Just did. Jealous? +Just did. Jealous? When does he graduate high school? +When does he graduate high school? Oh, very jealous. +I saw Lucy when I was in London, she seems okay. It's hard to tell with her. Shit, I forgot to call her back. She's off on a trip somewhere. Oh God, my grandad's flat in London's been sold. +Shit, I forgot to call her back. She's off on a trip somewhere. Oh God, my grandad's flat in London's been sold. In Cheyene Walk? Lucy's going to have a meltdown. Oh, I'm so sorry. +In Cheyene Walk? Lucy's going to have a meltdown. Oh, I'm so sorry. I should have damn well bought it. Well, we can't afford it. The movie's going to eat up a year of my life and I'm getting paid next to nothing. Do you know how much Skye Davidson's getting? Four million. +I should have damn well bought it. Well, we can't afford it. The movie's going to eat up a year of my life and I'm getting paid next to nothing. Do you know how much Skye Davidson's getting? Four million. Yeah, but I hear she gives a mean blow job. +Yeah, but I hear she gives a mean blow job. You really need to be fucked. +Escape hatch. Escape hatch. And Dad was having a go about the garden. Something was misplanted... +So? I love you, Joe Therrian. +What is it? Let's go upstairs, okay? +The suspense is killing me. Harry called. +Harry called. And? +And? Lucy overdosed. +Lucy overdosed. But she's alright. +But she's alright. She's in ICU. +Stupid tart. She left a note. +She left a note. Fuck you. +You need to call your dad. Leave us alone right now. +Leave us alone right now. I've booked you a flight and packed you a bag. You just need to get into a car and go. +Let me. I'm Jeffrey. Monica. +Monica. And you know our friends, how? +And you know our friends, how? We live next door. +We live next door. Oh. You're them. +Oh. You're them. Excuse me? +Excuse me? We've heard lots about you. +We've heard lots about you. You have? +I know we're early, we're so early. Sorry. You have to sign your taxes anyway. +Cal, my wife Judy. Nice to meet you. +Time. Hey! Time. Judy! Time you guys. Hey!! Ya Vhol. What are you, a fucking Nazi? +Ya Vhol. What are you, a fucking Nazi? Well it's fucking time. +There's a test, you know. Forget it, Judy. +Are you my big brave boy? Are you my brave hero? You're crazy baby. I love you. +You're crazy baby. I love you. Are you my big hard hero? +Are you my big hard hero? Do you want me to save you? Do you want me to save you? +Do you want me to save you? Do you want me to save you? Oh yeah... +Oh yeah... Oh yeah... I'm gonna save you. +Oh yeah... I'm gonna save you. Oh yeah? +Oh yeah? Let me heal you, baby. +Let me heal you, baby. Oh Jesus oh Jesus oh Jesus. +I call that a perfect day. A perfect night. +A perfect night. Damn near. And a damn near perfect drug. +Damn near. And a damn near perfect drug. Hm. We should do it again. +Hm. We should do it again. Just every once in a blue moon, you know. +Just every once in a blue moon, you know. Hm. You think we should ask them for their landscaper? +Hm. You think we should ask them for their landscaper? Hm. Do you like fucking out of doors? +Hm. Do you like fucking out of doors? Not as a rule. +Not as a rule. They didn't sign their goddamn tax returns! +Go. Hey! Would you? +Hey! Would you? It was fifteen seconds. +It was fifteen seconds. I don't think so. +I don't think so. Are you always this much fun? +He's okay, Clair. You wanna give him a little room? Man, I must really be stoned. Thanks, buddy. +I'm fine, babe. Give him a minute, Clair. +Give him a minute, Clair. Hey. Thanks, buddy. +Hey. Thanks, buddy. Anytime, sport. +Anytime, sport. Yeah, thanks pal. +I'm fine, babe. I'm gonna take a little walk. I need a minute. Let's forget it. My life didn't pass in front of my eyes. So, it probably wasn't that close. Probably not. +Probably not. So, you've got lifeguard papers, or what? +We closed. Fantastic. Out here. +Joe officially owns No. 4, Cheyenne Walk, Chelsea, London, England. No small doing. I love you, you're a genius. +I suppose. Sally, that's quite a gift. I'm not sure it's in your best interest. I adore him. +I adore him. The realtor'll be here tomorrow in the morning. The house had to go on the market to insure the loan on the London flat. +The realtor'll be here tomorrow in the morning. The house had to go on the market to insure the loan on the London flat. I know. I know that. Don't spoil it. +I know. I know that. Don't spoil it. What you earn has to double in order to cover expenses in London, it's an outrageously expensive city. +What you earn has to double in order to cover expenses in London, it's an outrageously expensive city. We've only been over this how many times? +We've only been over this how many times? You only made half your quote this year. +You only made half your quote this year. Well, you're a tower of support. +Well, you're a tower of support. I worry because you don't. It's my job. I'm feeling guilty. I would've liked it if you waited until the two of you were on more solid ground. +I worry because you don't. It's my job. I'm feeling guilty. I would've liked it if you waited until the two of you were on more solid ground. We couldn't be on more solid ground. +We couldn't be on more solid ground. Whatever you say. Listen, I love you. +Not millions. He's directing now. +He's directing now. They're paying him scale. +He gets huge advances on his novels. He's going back to that. You know how he hates it here. There's still time to undo this. +There's still time to undo this. We'll be fine. +We'll be fine. Did you invite them? +Did you invite them? The Roses? And of course they said yes. +The Roses? And of course they said yes. That was the plan. And you're thrilled to have them. +That was the plan. And you're thrilled to have them. Whatever you say. +Whatever you say. Did you tell Joe to behave? +Did you tell Joe to behave? Yes. +Yes. Did he promise? +Did he promise? Scout's honor. +Scout's honor. Before I forget. Put it on the bookshelf. +You're out of your mind. Just do what I say, alright? +Just do what I say, alright? How much bowing and scraping do you want us to do? +How much bowing and scraping do you want us to do? Beats a lawsuit. +Take your time, Jer. I'm ready. +What was it? What the fuck was it? Ryan's novel. +Ryan's novel. Ryan's novel? +No luck. Oh, well, we'll just have to try again. Sound like a plan? +Happy anniversary, baby. Happy anniversary. +I love you. Most beautiful woman in the world. Hardly... +Hardly... Accept a compliment. +Accept a compliment. I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world. +What did you get me? In the morning, after everyone's gone and there's just us. +Kiss the back of my knees. Through the sweats or not? +Through the sweats or not? Not. +What? You didn't kiss anyone else's knees, did you? +No. Did you? No. I missed that. +No. I missed that. I missed all of you. We're okay, aren't we? +I missed all of you. We're okay, aren't we? We're great. +We're great. I mean, you're really back. +I mean, you're really back. For good. +Don't get it. Well, it might be Clair. They're threatening not to come... +Well, it might be Clair. They're threatening not to come... What? +What? They can't find a sitter... Hello? Excuse me? Yes, uh, hold on. Just a moment. It's Skye Davidson. She needs directions to the house. You invited Skye fucking Davidson to our anniversary party? +They can't find a sitter... Hello? Excuse me? Yes, uh, hold on. Just a moment. It's Skye Davidson. She needs directions to the house. You invited Skye fucking Davidson to our anniversary party? Okay. I'm sorry, look, I meant to tell you. It was the only chance I had to meet her. +Okay. I'm sorry, look, I meant to tell you. It was the only chance I had to meet her. You invited her to our anniversary party? I didn't even invite my mother. +You invited her to our anniversary party? I didn't even invite my mother. She goes on location tomorrow. Sally, I'm sorry. Look, I can't keep her on hold. +She goes on location tomorrow. Sally, I'm sorry. Look, I can't keep her on hold. No, no of course not. It's Skye fucking Davidson, for fuck's sake. +No, no of course not. It's Skye fucking Davidson, for fuck's sake. You want me to uninvite her? +You want me to uninvite her? No, no of course not. How old is she? Twenty-fucking-two? +And she's a stinking fucking actress, for fuck's sake. Skye! I'm so glad you're able to make it...it's our sixth, actually. You read the book again? Well, no, the ending to chapter six...it's just that it's not filmic. We tried it in an earlier draft, but, it just wasn't filmic... Well, sure, we can absolutely look at that again. If you're coming from Laurel, you want to take Sunset west, we're just past Will Rogers State Park. Three blocks west of that, you want to hang right. It's about three quarters of a mile up a big white thing on the left. +I'm looking forward to meeting you, too. And Skye, I'm thrilled that you're willing to take this leap with me. Eternally grateful, really. I'm going to throw up. +I'm going to throw up. I can't imagine anyone else playing Genna. +I can't imagine anyone else playing Genna. Really? +Promise you'll be nice to the neighbors. I'll say as little as possible. +Of course we do. We have to sign our taxes. You can never be too early or too thin. +Otis! No barking! And Joe's huge in Europe. He's like a rock star in London. His novels sell millions. +In the kitchen. Who'd like to go and find Otis? +Yes. Okay. Last one to find Otis is a smelly old bum. +Well, not yet. The gate was open? It's taken care of. +Two minutes. It's alright. Be our guests. +Still champions. Panes is not on your team anymore. +It's an unfair advantage. You've got Cal. You've got Gina. You've got Skye? We're the leftovers. +You've got Cal. You've got Gina. You've got Skye? We're the leftovers. Okay, knock it off. +Okay, knock it off. Truce? +Truce? Truce. +Truce. Dinner. Don't be angry. +Dinner. Don't be angry. I'm not fucking angry, for God's sake. +Not properly watered. Whatever! You know how he gets. Well, he went absolutely bonkers. Lucy and I were frantically trying to scramble into the dumb waiter and I didn't fit any more. It was almost fatal. And that, my dear friends, is the day... +Dolphins. Great. It's ecstasy, Sal. +I think we should all take it tonight. Everyone's staying, stays. No driving. That's the rule. I love you Sally-Mae. You're going to have a fabulous time. I'm worried about my spine. I'm very worried about my brain and my spine. +Someone left the goddamn gate open. Otis got out. Skye and I, well the... I came out of the house and the fucking gate was wide open. Oh for fuck's sake. Nobody uses that gate. +Don't be so sure. Listen to yourself... Don't worry, it's alright. We'll find him. What's wrong with you? +Listen to yourself... Don't worry, it's alright. We'll find him. What's wrong with you? She left the fucking gate open. +She left the fucking gate open. Well he can't have gone far. +Well he can't have gone far. Can't have gone far? He's like a greyhound. He could be miles away. +Can't have gone far? He's like a greyhound. He could be miles away. He'll find his way back. +He'll find his way back. There are fucking coyotes out there. +There are fucking coyotes out there. Sally, calm down. We're not going to find him any quicker by you being hysterical. +Fuck you. Or shitty!! Otis!! +Otis!!!! Otis!!!! +Otis!!!! Otis, good boy, come here. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. +Otis, good boy, come here. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. This is a nightmare. We should have kept him upstairs. +This is a nightmare. We should have kept him upstairs. It was done. When Sophia put the kids to bed, America brought Otis in the room and closed the door. It was done. +It was done. When Sophia put the kids to bed, America brought Otis in the room and closed the door. It was done. Well someone clearly let him out before Monica opened the gate. +Well someone clearly let him out before Monica opened the gate. Oh fuck you, and fuck Monica while you're at it. But I guess that's what I interrupted. +Oh fuck you, and fuck Monica while you're at it. But I guess that's what I interrupted. Jesus, Sally. You are a medical miracle. The only person who's ever taken ecstacy and become angrier. +Jesus, Sally. You are a medical miracle. The only person who's ever taken ecstacy and become angrier. Yeah, let's talk about that. You seem to be rather an expert. I don't remember in the last five months of counselling your ever mentioning ecstacy or going to rage parties. +Yeah, let's talk about that. You seem to be rather an expert. I don't remember in the last five months of counselling your ever mentioning ecstacy or going to rage parties. Rave parties?! That's so typical - you would think it was called rage. Perfect! +Rave parties?! That's so typical - you would think it was called rage. Perfect! What else don't I know about, Joe? Let's get really clear here. +What else don't I know about, Joe? Let's get really clear here. Sally, so I took a few pills. I went out dancing. I tried to forget how upset I was about splitting up with you. I haven't lied to you. I told you about the people I've slept with. I just didn't mention the few occasions I took drugs because you're so fucking judgmental I knew I'd never hear the end of it, and you have so little faith and so little trust in me. Sally, we're back, I love you. Trust that. Please let's not do this. +Sally, so I took a few pills. I went out dancing. I tried to forget how upset I was about splitting up with you. I haven't lied to you. I told you about the people I've slept with. I just didn't mention the few occasions I took drugs because you're so fucking judgmental I knew I'd never hear the end of it, and you have so little faith and so little trust in me. Sally, we're back, I love you. Trust that. Please let's not do this. Otis! Come! Good boy! Come! +Otis! Come! Good boy! Come! Otis! +Otis! I'm not sure we understand that word in the same way. +I'm not sure we understand that word in the same way. Love? +Love? You walked out on a five year marriage. +You walked out on a five year marriage. That hasn't the first fucking thing to do with love. It's whether we can live together... like this! All the time. +That hasn't the first fucking thing to do with love. It's whether we can live together... like this! All the time. It's not like this all the time. +It's not like this all the time. DO I want anyone else? No. Do I want to be with you for the rest of my natural life? I'm trying. +DO I want anyone else? No. Do I want to be with you for the rest of my natural life? I'm trying. And how hard it hit? +And how hard it hit? Just stop right there, Sally. We've been through this. +Just stop right there, Sally. We've been through this. You've been through it. That's how you love people. When it's easy for you, when it's convenient for you. +You've been through it. That's how you love people. When it's easy for you, when it's convenient for you. Sally, first of all, you're talking bullshit. And second... +Sally, first of all, you're talking bullshit. And second... You want to talk about bullshit? Lucy called you three times this week. She's a fucking mess, Joe. Your sister is a fucking mess. She needs you. I talk to her more than you do. +You want to talk about bullshit? Lucy called you three times this week. She's a fucking mess, Joe. Your sister is a fucking mess. She needs you. I talk to her more than you do. That is not true. +That is not true. It is true. You know how you love, Joe? You dedicate a book to someone. +It is true. You know how you love, Joe? You dedicate a book to someone. Every novel I've had published in every language I've dedicated to Lucy. +Every novel I've had published in every language I've dedicated to Lucy. Right. And when was the last time you spoke to her? +And how fucking dare you cast Skye Davidson in that part? Have you any idea how humiliating that is for me? I'm an actress! It's about our marriage for fuck's sake. Everybody knows that... It's a novel. +It's a novel. About me! +About me! Who the fuck do you think you are? The part of Genna is not just about you. It's about every woman I've ever loved in my entire life. Including my mother. The character is also clearly in her early twenties, Sally. +Who the fuck do you think you are? The part of Genna is not just about you. It's about every woman I've ever loved in my entire life. Including my mother. The character is also clearly in her early twenties, Sally. What are you saying? +What are you saying? Hello? Last birthday was? +Hello? Last birthday was? I don't look my age, Joe. +I don't look my age, Joe. Sally, I have never considered you for this part because you are too old to play it. And you are out of touch with reality if you think differently. +Sally, I have never considered you for this part because you are too old to play it. And you are out of touch with reality if you think differently. It's a shit novel anyway. +It's a shit novel anyway. Well there you go. I let you off the hook. You're one goddamn lucky actress. +Well there you go. I let you off the hook. You're one goddamn lucky actress. Not really. I mean your books have always been pop, but this is the shallowest of the bunch. That's what all our friends think, anyway. +Not really. I mean your books have always been pop, but this is the shallowest of the bunch. That's what all our friends think, anyway. Okay. If we could've, by some miracle, stripped ten years off your face, still couldn't have got the thing made. Because I don't mean anything as a director, and your name doesn't mean fuck all anymore. And the people that can hire you are afraid to, because they think you're phoning it in. That you don't have... Oh Christ, Sally. +Okay. If we could've, by some miracle, stripped ten years off your face, still couldn't have got the thing made. Because I don't mean anything as a director, and your name doesn't mean fuck all anymore. And the people that can hire you are afraid to, because they think you're phoning it in. That you don't have... Oh Christ, Sally. Who? Who? Who thinks that? +Who? Who? Who thinks that? Your director and your co-star of your current movie. Don't dish if you can't take it, Sally. +Your director and your co-star of your current movie. Don't dish if you can't take it, Sally. Mac? Mac says it? Cal? +Cal, too? Sally, for Christ's sake. +Sally, for Christ's sake. Anyone else? +Anyone else? This is insanity. Sally... +This is insanity. Sally... Don't. +Don't. Don't push me away. +Don't push me away. I had an abortion two weeks ago. +I had an abortion two weeks ago. Don't do this. +Don't do this. I found out I was pregnant and it scared the shit out of me. +I found out I was pregnant and it scared the shit out of me. Don't do this! +Don't do this! I told you when we met I never wanted children. I don't want kids in my life. We talked about it. You weren't listening. +I told you when we met I never wanted children. I don't want kids in my life. We talked about it. You weren't listening. You changed your mind. +You changed your mind. I wanted you back. +You think this was to hurt you?! My God, Joe. It isn't about you. What?! You aborted our child?! +What?! You aborted our child?! I'm a monster. Exactly. +I'm a monster. Exactly. You're not ready. +You're not ready. Don't make allowances. I'll never be ready. Some people just shouldn't have children. I'd be a terrible fucking mother, Joe. I did want it for us. But I couldn't do it. I don't really think I can do it. +Don't make allowances. I'll never be ready. Some people just shouldn't have children. I'd be a terrible fucking mother, Joe. I did want it for us. But I couldn't do it. I don't really think I can do it. I wasn't part of that picture at all, was I? I wasn't part of that decision. Did I occur to you at all? It's a fucking farce. It's a fucking farce. How long did you think you could keep it going. You're amazing. Do you have any idea what you've done to us? +I wasn't part of that picture at all, was I? I wasn't part of that decision. Did I occur to you at all? It's a fucking farce. It's a fucking farce. How long did you think you could keep it going. You're amazing. Do you have any idea what you've done to us? Yes. +Yes. I'll never forgive you. +I'll never forgive you. I know. +I know. I have no idea who you are. +Alright, good. Thanks for your trouble. So will you leave Sally and me alone right now? Everybody hates the messenger. +I can't got tonight. I don't want to be on a plane on my own tonight. I'll be with you. +I'll be with you. I don't want to go tonight. +I don't want to go tonight. You don't have to. +No. Okay. +Okay. Pretty much a disaster, tonight, wasn't it? +Pretty much a disaster, tonight, wasn't it? I guess. +I guess. Life gets messy. Ugly messy. But I don't understand you. And I don't think I ever understood Lucy. I don't understand throwing it away. How do you throw all that away? Any of it. I want it all. You guys want guarantees? I want the possibilities. And all kinds of crap comes with that. A lot of bad shit. And I think that's okay with me because, because of the rest of the stuff. All the good shit. All the surprises. It's a fucking miracle when you come down to it. We'd have had amazing children, you and me. We'd have had a ride. You'd have surprised yourself. I'll never love anybody else, you know. +Life gets messy. Ugly messy. But I don't understand you. And I don't think I ever understood Lucy. I don't understand throwing it away. How do you throw all that away? Any of it. I want it all. You guys want guarantees? I want the possibilities. And all kinds of crap comes with that. A lot of bad shit. And I think that's okay with me because, because of the rest of the stuff. All the good shit. All the surprises. It's a fucking miracle when you come down to it. We'd have had amazing children, you and me. We'd have had a ride. You'd have surprised yourself. I'll never love anybody else, you know. Me too. +Me too. That's under lock and key. +That's under lock and key. Me too. +Happy anniversary. It's a Calder. +It's a Calder. I know. +I know. He's my favorite. +He's my favorite. I know. It's for the baby's crib. +I know. It's for the baby's crib. Ah... +They're the keys to your grandad's flat. Happy anniversary, baby. Oh, Sally Mae... +I know. Will you make love with me? +Will you make love with me? Sure. +Panes! How are you? Oh, you know, I am. +Oh, you know, I am. Has she called? +Has she called? She'll never call again. She called last week to tell me she'll never call again. Where's Sally? +What's a sign for that? Come on, Panes... +Coffee? Sure. +Sure. I'll do it. +We have a gift? Thanks, I'll take that. Champagne? +Thanks, I'll take that. Champagne? Lovely. +I love gifts. What did you guys get us? Nothing that can't be exchanged. +Nothing that can't be exchanged. Oh. Well. Good. +Oh. Well. Good. Congratulations on the deal. How exciting. Is Sally doing Sally? I mean it's Sally. The character that's based on Sally. The character that's based on Sally in the book. +Congratulations on the deal. How exciting. Is Sally doing Sally? I mean it's Sally. The character that's based on Sally. The character that's based on Sally in the book. The novel. No, Skye Davidson is playing the lead. +The novel. No, Skye Davidson is playing the lead. Oh my God, I'm a huge Skye Davidson fan. She's very beautiful. +Oh my God, I'm a huge Skye Davidson fan. She's very beautiful. Yes, she is. +Yes, she is. But I am right, yes? She's based on Sally. +But I am right, yes? She's based on Sally. It's a novel. +It's a novel. Still. Well. Let's drop it. +Still. Well. Let's drop it. Yes. +Yes. I'm not much of a reader, but I do love autobiographies, even biographies sometimes. Mostly non-fiction. Did you read the new Styron? +I'm not much of a reader, but I do love autobiographies, even biographies sometimes. Mostly non-fiction. Did you read the new Styron? No. +No. It's very good. I understand you won the Booker Prize. +It's very good. I understand you won the Booker Prize. Yes I did. +Yes I did. "Is your script much like the novel? Jerry says it's very good. But you know, you read the novel, and then you see the movie - and most of the time you say, ""what's this?"" You know? I sometimes think we're better off not reading the novel at all. Because, we come with expectations... and of course, we know where we're going. Don't you find?" +"Is your script much like the novel? Jerry says it's very good. But you know, you read the novel, and then you see the movie - and most of the time you say, ""what's this?"" You know? I sometimes think we're better off not reading the novel at all. Because, we come with expectations... and of course, we know where we're going. Don't you find?" Don't I find what? +Don't I find what? I don't know why Joe, we've known each other how long... +I don't know why Joe, we've known each other how long... Not long. +Not long. Don't be silly. +Don't be silly. Joking. +Joking. Yes I know. I started to say... I started to say Joe that -- +Yes I know. I started to say... I started to say Joe that -- Do I put you off? +Do I put you off? You manage to throw me off balance. I adore you. +You manage to throw me off balance. I adore you. And I you. +And I you. But I'm always afraid I'll say something stupid. +But I'm always afraid I'll say something stupid. Ah. +Ah. And so I always manage to, do you see? Like the book/script thing, do you see? +And so I always manage to, do you see? Like the book/script thing, do you see? Mmm hmmm. +The infamous dog? He's the best dog in the world. They're both coming tonight. Not my idea. +He's the best dog in the world. They're both coming tonight. Not my idea. Ours. +Ours. It's Jerry's worst idea. +You lose this? Ah there's our snookums now. +You got your DP? What? Oh yeah, the camera man? They gave me a list. +What? Oh yeah, the camera man? They gave me a list. And you got Skye Davidson. Pretty big leagues for a first timer. Do you even like movies? +And you got Skye Davidson. Pretty big leagues for a first timer. Do you even like movies? Not particularly. Weird, isn't it? God I'm rally up. Do you feel anything yet, Mac? +Not particularly. Weird, isn't it? God I'm rally up. Do you feel anything yet, Mac? Kind of. Hey, look - John Seale, Oliver Stapelton, Darius Khonji - they're friends. And great DP's I could give them a call for you. +Kind of. Hey, look - John Seale, Oliver Stapelton, Darius Khonji - they're friends. And great DP's I could give them a call for you. Thanks, Mac. And thanks for being so supportive about all this. I really love you, you know. +Thanks, Mac. And thanks for being so supportive about all this. I really love you, you know. Hey, I'm happy for you, buddy. Anything I can do. +Hey, I'm happy for you, buddy. Anything I can do. God, I really need to jump about a bit. How's your film going? +Well, you know...good days, bad days. I meant Sally. +I meant Sally. I meant Sally. +I meant Sally. Oh. You're serious. +Oh. You're serious. No. No. Let me tell you something. Directing's the best preparation possible for fatherhood. The sleep depravation alone. +No. No. Let me tell you something. Directing's the best preparation possible for fatherhood. The sleep depravation alone. Oh don't. Everyone says that. +Please, Ryan. No, he's absolutely right. You're absolutely right, Ryan. Dog talk must be banned. Canine conversations are completely discouraged... it's really good of you to join us. Can I get you a drink? +Something soft. Right away. Are you sure you wouldn't like something soft, Ryan? +Your Eames table is incredible. And the B&B. I just put that in a client's home, actually, but in red. You're an interior decorator, right? +You're an interior decorator, right? Sally did all this herself? +Sally did all this herself? In fits and starts -- and then, later, of course, she had to accommodate me. So things shifted a little bit then, became more eclectic. And it keeps changing. +In fits and starts -- and then, later, of course, she had to accommodate me. So things shifted a little bit then, became more eclectic. And it keeps changing. Mmm. It says something about the two of you maybe. +Mmm. It says something about the two of you maybe. Yeah, we're in a constant state of flux. I see you've moved up from the soft stuff. +Yeah, we're in a constant state of flux. I see you've moved up from the soft stuff. Oh, yes. You know Ryan's been sober eight years. And it's difficult if I... you know. It's better if I don't. +Oh, yes. You know Ryan's been sober eight years. And it's difficult if I... you know. It's better if I don't. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. I'm a little nervous, so... +I'm a little nervous, so... Oh. +Oh. A little out of my element. +A little out of my element. No you're not. +No you're not. Well, yes. Yes, in fact. A little on the outside, yes. And there's been all this friction. +Well, yes. Yes, in fact. A little on the outside, yes. And there's been all this friction. Hm. +Hm. I don't know why, but these misunderstandings have a way of escalating. +I don't know why, but these misunderstandings have a way of escalating. Very well put. +Very well put. I think a lot of this could have been avoided if Sally made more of an effort. +I think a lot of this could have been avoided if Sally made more of an effort. What? +What? But you're very private people. You know, there's a kind of elitism... +But you're very private people. You know, there's a kind of elitism... Elitism? +Elitism? The wrong word, maybe. Delete that. And, you know, the dog barks incessantly. +The wrong word, maybe. Delete that. And, you know, the dog barks incessantly. And you know, he really does not. +And you know, he really does not. And Ryan works at home. +And Ryan works at home. And your phone calls are nasty and abusive. And I've come this close to suing you for harassment. And you're only here because we're supposed to be sucking up to you. +Oh shit. I'm sorry. Well, that's what Ryan thought. I was more generous, actually. +Well, that's what Ryan thought. I was more generous, actually. Oh shit. I'm sorry. I'm a total fucking maniac. Delete all that, okay? I spoke for myself, this needn't rub off on my wife. Oh shit. I get pissy sometimes. Much worse than Otis. Otis doesn't bite. It's just, I really love my dog and he doesn't really bark a lot. We live in a canyon. We hear dogs barking at night, too. And it's not Otis. +Easy tiger. Alright. Please don't tell Ryan I'm drinking. +Alright. Please don't tell Ryan I'm drinking. Scout's honor. +Scout's honor. I'll be your best friend. +Would you sign it for me. I'm sure this is inappropriate. We're way past inappropriate. +I need to leave you now. I will treasure this. +I will treasure this. Sally!!!! +Are you okay? I don't think so. I feel. I feel a bit funny. +I don't think so. I feel. I feel a bit funny. Let's go for a walk. +I've never done this before. Oh? It's easy. You just put one foot in front of the other... That's a good girl. +Oh? It's easy. You just put one foot in front of the other... That's a good girl. I'm a little in the puke zone. +I'm a little in the puke zone. Here, drink this. Drink lots of water. Hold on to this. Take deep breaths. Nice and slow. Would you like a lolly? +Here, drink this. Drink lots of water. Hold on to this. Take deep breaths. Nice and slow. Would you like a lolly? What am I, five? +What am I, five? You're never too old for a lolly. I'm having one. +You're never too old for a lolly. I'm having one. Okay. +Lemon or raspberry? Lemon. +Lemon. Lemon it is. +Ryan's really angry with me. I think he's really angry with me too. +I think he's really angry with me too. It's really not the same thing. He was really nicer when he drank. +It's really not the same thing. He was really nicer when he drank. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Eight years, though. That's quite an accomplishment. +Eight years, though. That's quite an accomplishment. That's a lot of those. +That's a lot of those. Medallions. +Medallions. A lot of cakes. +A lot of cakes. Yes. +Yes. And he doesn't smoke? +And he doesn't smoke? He has to find non-smoker's meetings that used to be almost impossible, you know? It's gotten much better. +He has to find non-smoker's meetings that used to be almost impossible, you know? It's gotten much better. How long have you been married? +How long have you been married? Nine...nine, yes? Nine years, just about. +Nine...nine, yes? Nine years, just about. You must have been a baby. +You must have been a baby. Oh yes. Nineteen...just. I'm cold. +Oh yes. Nineteen...just. I'm cold. Come here. +That's very nice. I like you. +I like you. I'm so glad. You know, I recognize that passage in your book. The bit about us running into each other in the movie theatre. +I'm so glad. You know, I recognize that passage in your book. The bit about us running into each other in the movie theatre. Sorry? +Sorry? I know you changed it to a bookstore. And the color of my hair. But the moment was exactly the same. The same, you know, dynamic. And almost verbatim, wasn't it? +I know you changed it to a bookstore. And the color of my hair. But the moment was exactly the same. The same, you know, dynamic. And almost verbatim, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. For a writer nothing's sacred. No, nothing at all. +Yeah, it was. For a writer nothing's sacred. No, nothing at all. I think it's great that I made an impression at all, you know. +Stop being such a bitch, Sal. I'm so sorry. +I'm so sorry. It was a mistake. This isn't a plot to do in Otis. +How do you do, Skye? Oh, I love that. I'm just great. I'm so happy to be here. And I apologize for invading you. And I'm so happy you asked me to. I'm so touched. I know how private you and Sally are. +Oh, I love that. I'm just great. I'm so happy to be here. And I apologize for invading you. And I'm so happy you asked me to. I'm so touched. I know how private you and Sally are. Yeah, well, it's just us and a few hundred of our closest friends. +Yeah, well, it's just us and a few hundred of our closest friends. When I read your work I felt that you knew me. Women must tell you that. And this one in particular speaks to me, do you know? I am Genna. How many women must tell you that. And the script is wonderful. Wonderful and lean and visual... +When I read your work I felt that you knew me. Women must tell you that. And this one in particular speaks to me, do you know? I am Genna. How many women must tell you that. And the script is wonderful. Wonderful and lean and visual... I'm so happy you like it. I'm so relieved you said yes, and I'm really, um, what, thrilled, yes actually, to finally meet you. +I'm so happy you like it. I'm so relieved you said yes, and I'm really, um, what, thrilled, yes actually, to finally meet you. You're going to be a remarkable director, a brilliant director. +I think there are sixteen there. This is an amazing present. What a sweetheart you are. +Of course it's alright. Clair is a hovering mother. +What? Trust him. +I didn't say a word. Time! +I was faking it. I've been feeling caged for sometime. Funny, huh? No, it's not... Fuck fuck fuck fuck. +Jesus Christ. Well...wow... +How's he doing? Not good. +Ryan. I'm sure you understand. +Well, yes, actually. He always has two or three going... +I love it here. Don't you love it here, Ryan? I love it here. And I love tonight. And I love these people. And this feels utterly fantastic, Ryan. Utterly fantastic. You know what Sally Therrian was saying about your spine and your brain? She didn't pull that out of thin air. It causes brain damage. You'd better drink a lot of water. +You know what Sally Therrian was saying about your spine and your brain? She didn't pull that out of thin air. It causes brain damage. You'd better drink a lot of water. Do you want to go home, Ryan? +Do you want to go home, Ryan? Yes. +Yes. I think you should then. You should look in on Sheila. +I think you should then. You should look in on Sheila. I'm not going to leave you alone. +I'm not going to leave you alone. They're really nice people, Ryan. They're like us... +They're really nice people, Ryan. They're like us... They're nothing like us. +They're nothing like us. I think you need to speak for yourself, Ryan. But I think you're really nice people... +Are you making an ass of yourself? There's only you, Ryan. You know what, Ryan? You're beautiful. I love you so much... You need... +There's only you, Ryan. You know what, Ryan? You're beautiful. I love you so much... You need... I don't need a drug. +I don't need a drug. You need a good review and you'll be fine. The whole color of the world will change, mark my words. +Ready to go? I'm going to go get my swimsuit. I do know, Ryan, this is non addictive so you mustn't worry. Ryan, you're a great man. +Ryan, you've got to come! You've got to help me find the dog! I let their dog out. We need to find the dog. You're not serious. +You're not serious. I left the gate open and Otis got out! He could get hit by a car! +I left the gate open and Otis got out! He could get hit by a car! God willing. +God willing. We have to find the dog, Ryan. +We have to find the dog, Ryan. Why? +Why? Because we're nice people, and because what goes around comes around. Because, God help you if something happens to that dog? +Because we're nice people, and because what goes around comes around. Because, God help you if something happens to that dog? Excuse me? +Excuse me? All the ugly phone calls? We're not the only people with a tape recorder, Ryan. They've gone to the canyon, we should go towards the PCH. +Jesus Christ, it's a fucking dog! Don't go in, Ryan. +Don't go in, Ryan. What? +What? Let's just go home, okay? +Hi. Monica and Ryan? Sally? +Sally? Yes. And you've met Joe. +We could hardly say no. Oh? +Ryan! Are you working on a new book? +Hors d'oeuvres or something? Yes, great! It's a beautiful house. +Yes, great! It's a beautiful house. Thank you. I understand you're an interior decorator. +Thank you. I understand you're an interior decorator. Yes. +Yes. I so wish I'd known. +I so wish I'd known. Well, whoever did this is amazing. +Well, whoever did this is amazing. I did it. +I'm sorry. There's a goddamn sign on the gate. +There's a goddamn sign on the gate. I'm so sorry. +I'm so sorry. You fucking cow, can't you read?! +You fucking cow, can't you read?! I... +I... How long ago was it? +Come on in. I'm in the same room with Sally Nash. Oh my God. You're my icon. I've been watching your films since I was a little girl. Like, four years ago I followed you all around the Beverly Center - at least half a day, working up the courage to introduce myself. +And I'm overwhelmed. And I want to do it justice. And I hope we can spend time together. And I'm gushing. It's my worst quality. Not at all. +Not at all. Oh my god. I've been so rude. I'm Skye Davidson. Has anyone ever told you, you look like Peter Sellers? +Oh my god. I've been so rude. I'm Skye Davidson. Has anyone ever told you, you look like Peter Sellers? No, never. +Is there space here? Yes. +Yes. Do you need anything else? +Do you need anything else? No, no thanks. +I was impressed. Oh? +Oh? The charades. +The charades. Thank you. +Thank you. That was my clue. +That was my clue. Oh? +Oh? The Shostakovich. +The Shostakovich. Really?? +Really?? Oh yes, indeed. That was my clue, you see. +Otis!! Shostakovich identified with the Jew. He felt persecuted, hunted, crushed under the thumb of Stalinist imperialism. Not to mention Andrew Zhdanov... Otis, come!! +Not to mention Andrew Zhdanov... Otis, come!! Andre Zhdanov? How the hell do you know about Andre Zhdanov? +Andre Zhdanov? How the hell do you know about Andre Zhdanov? Who doesn't know about the infamous composer's conference of 1948 where Zhdanov persecuted the leaders of Soviet Music - Shostakovich, Prokofieve, and Myaskovsky. +Who doesn't know about the infamous composer's conference of 1948 where Zhdanov persecuted the leaders of Soviet Music - Shostakovich, Prokofieve, and Myaskovsky. I'll tell you who doesn't know, cute girls don't know. +I'll tell you who doesn't know, cute girls don't know. Do Peter Sellers again. +Do Peter Sellers again. Otis you crazy dog! Otis are you in this God forsaken Canyon? My people are very hungry. +Otis you crazy dog! Otis are you in this God forsaken Canyon? My people are very hungry. I just did a movie about Bob Yar, I played Gittle, the Jewish milkmaid who gets shot in the head, and they used Shostakovich's 13th Symphony. +I just did a movie about Bob Yar, I played Gittle, the Jewish milkmaid who gets shot in the head, and they used Shostakovich's 13th Symphony. Set to the poem of Yetveshenko! +Set to the poem of Yetveshenko! Exactly! So I dug it, and I did a lot of research. +Exactly! So I dug it, and I did a lot of research. Do you really, you really, like Shostakovich? +Do you really, you really, like Shostakovich? Yeah. +Yeah. Would you, like, marry him? +Would you, like, marry him? If he were still alive, maybe. +If he were still alive, maybe. How about someone who really really liked Shostakovich? +How about someone who really really liked Shostakovich? Are you asking me to marry you? +Are you asking me to marry you? No, I'm just testing to see how deeply perverted and impulsive you are. +No, I'm just testing to see how deeply perverted and impulsive you are. Very. +Very. Oh good, I'm worse... Are you really twenty-two? +Oh good, I'm worse... Are you really twenty-two? Who told you that? No. I'm twenty... Five. +Good, you brought your violin. I want you to play. It's a machine gun. I thought I'd kill myself. +It's a machine gun. I thought I'd kill myself. Are you lovesick? +Are you lovesick? Suicidal. It's much less codependent. +Suicidal. It's much less codependent. Will champagne help? +Will champagne help? Not enough. +Panes is here! Oh great. +She's even better looking in the flesh. Really? I need a drink. Come hide with me. +Oh, Jesus, Panes. I can't, I can't believe that bitch is in my house. You don't know she's a bitch. +You don't know she's a bitch. She's all over him, are you blind? +She's all over him, are you blind? It could be worse. +It could be worse. How? +How? She could be playing the role in Joe's movie that should be yours. +She could be playing the role in Joe's movie that should be yours. Fuck you, Panes. +Fuck you, Panes. You see, that's worse. +You see, that's worse. I just wanted tonight to be with the people we love. +I just wanted tonight to be with the people we love. Like your business managers? +Like your business managers? They're not just our business managers, Panes. +They're not just our business managers, Panes. Oh, okay, forgive me. Your neighbors are here, for fuck's sake. +Oh, okay, forgive me. Your neighbors are here, for fuck's sake. Exactly what I mean. It's all ruined. +Exactly what I mean. It's all ruined. It's not ruined, for fuck's sake. It's one of your parties. +It's not ruined, for fuck's sake. It's one of your parties. I don't want it to be just one of our parties. +I don't want it to be just one of our parties. """How are you really doing, Panes?"" ""Lousy, thank you, I'm falling apart.""" +"""How are you really doing, Panes?"" ""Lousy, thank you, I'm falling apart.""" Like the last time. +Like the last time. No. No, not like the last time. She was the rest of my life. +No. No, not like the last time. She was the rest of my life. Like the last time. +Like the last time. I wasn't finished. +I wasn't finished. Okay. +Okay. """We can't stand seeing you like this, Panes. I hate you being alone. Why don't you stay with us for a while?"" ""I'd love to, thanks.""" +"""We can't stand seeing you like this, Panes. I hate you being alone. Why don't you stay with us for a while?"" ""I'd love to, thanks.""" It's our anniversary, Panes. +It's our anniversary, Panes. I didn't hear me say tonight. +I didn't hear me say tonight. We're just feeling our way back. +We're just feeling our way back. """Otherwise, we'd insist on your being here.""" +"""Otherwise, we'd insist on your being here.""" You know it's true. +Everyday. I'm Levi Panes. Will you excuse us, Skye? It's time for Sally's meds. +Shit! I'd cut off her red wine if I were you. +I'd cut off her red wine if I were you. Shit. It's my Galiano. +Shit. It's my Galiano. What does that mean? +What does that mean? About five thousand dollars. With my discount. +So how are you really doing, Panes? Why don't you go fuck yourself? +Why don't you go fuck yourself? No. Really. For real. Really. +No. Really. For real. Really. I'm worried about your Galiano. +I'm worried about your Galiano. You're a shit. +You're a shit. No, really, five thousand with your discount. +How's the movie going? Your movie. You are making a movie, aren't you? Yes. Fine. +Yes. Fine. That's it? Yes. Fine? +That's it? Yes. Fine? I don't want to talk about it. +I don't want to talk about it. Why not? +Why not? I never like to talk about my work. +I never like to talk about my work. Alright. Well, that's something new. +Alright. Well, that's something new. No. Not something new. +No. Not something new. Well, something's wrong. +Well, something's wrong. Nothing's wrong. It's great, okay? Having the time of my life. Mac's a fantastic director. And what can anyone say about Cal that hasn't been said. And it's great working with friends, blah blah blah. +Nothing's wrong. It's great, okay? Having the time of my life. Mac's a fantastic director. And what can anyone say about Cal that hasn't been said. And it's great working with friends, blah blah blah. Um. Happy for you. +Um. Happy for you. Thanks. +Thanks. So tell me, how's it going? +So tell me, how's it going? Oh you know. No doubts. No second thoughts. Am I a monster? +Oh you know. No doubts. No second thoughts. Am I a monster? You're my best friend. +You're my best friend. That's not an answer, is it? +That's not an answer, is it? Yes, you're a monster. +Thank you, Panes. You don't need to thank me. +You don't need to thank me. We're going to have to go back out there. +We're going to have to go back out there. I guess. +Panes? From Jewish Folk Poetry, a song cycle... +What did I do? Panes is not on my team anymore. I'll have Panes if I like. +Yes. Well, so glad you decided to come. +Thank you. This was so unnecessary. I hope you've noticed that Otis isn't barking as much. We keep him in at night. At 4:30 today he barked for a solid fifteen minutes. I have it on tape. +At 4:30 today he barked for a solid fifteen minutes. I have it on tape. You're keeping a record, are you? +You're keeping a record, are you? It's just very distracting when you're trying to work. +Well the neighborhood is full of dogs, and it's not always Otis. Well today it was Otis. And you should keep him away from our yard. Because Sheila will defend herself. +Monica and Ryan. Rose. +I didn't know you had this. Oh. Well, yes. It's extraordinary. You think you could sign it for us? +Oh. Well, yes. It's extraordinary. You think you could sign it for us? Absolutely. You always wonder where your books end up. Why don't we use it? +Oh my God, sorry. I'm interrupting. I'll be right out. +I don't think I ever spent half a day in the Beverly Center. Whatever, do you remember? I've seen all your movies. When I was in rehab, the second time, they wouldn't even let us see your drug addict movie. They said you were too real. I worship you. And I couldn't be more flattered, because I know the part I'm playing in Joe's movie is based on you as a young woman. +Happy anniversary. Thank you for making me a part of it. What are they? +You don't need to do that. I don't mind... +I don't mind... Relax. You've done enough. +Enough about me. Evie has a little something for you. +Oh my God! America told me your neighbors are coming? And here they are! +And here they are! And she was saying how happy you were to finally have them over. Because you're both, so, what - introspective? And you should have done it ages ago. I'm Sophia Gold. Come meet my husband, Cal. +He's a novelist. Ah. +Ah. Like Joe. +Like Joe. Hmm. Where are my kids? +Hmm. Where are my kids? In the guest room. I've laid out a paint table for them. +In the guest room. I've laid out a paint table for them. I hope they're watercolors! +I hope they're watercolors! Nevermind. +Nevermind. Would you like to meet my husband? +Isn't this a fabulous picture? Yes. +Yes. She's such a great photographer. +She's such a great photographer. Hm. +Hm. So where should I put it? +So where should I put it? I thought it was okay where it was. +I thought it was okay where it was. It's much more personal in here. +It's much more personal in here. A notch above the storage room. +A notch above the storage room. We're always in here. She really gets him, doesn't she? +We're always in here. She really gets him, doesn't she? The both of you. +The both of you. But she really gets to the heart of Joe, doesn't she? She's a genius. +But she really gets to the heart of Joe, doesn't she? She's a genius. So how much do you hate her? +So how much do you hate her? Big time. +Well, I don't trust her. I never have. She took our wedding photos, for chrissakes. You don't trust anyone. +She took our wedding photos, for chrissakes. You don't trust anyone. I trust you. +I trust you. Oh Soph... +Oh Soph... You'll hate it in London. It's wet and miserable. A medical hellhole Sally. It's socialized. Beds in the corridors. Terrible plumbing. +You'll hate it in London. It's wet and miserable. A medical hellhole Sally. It's socialized. Beds in the corridors. Terrible plumbing. And the food sucks, I know. +And the food sucks, I know. You are not having your baby in London. You're going to have your baby at Cedars in Beverly Hills, America, delivered by Dr. Milton Cohen. Period. And you're getting that epidural right away, don't let anyone talk you into any of that Lamase bullshit. There's no excuse for pain like that. +You are not having your baby in London. You're going to have your baby at Cedars in Beverly Hills, America, delivered by Dr. Milton Cohen. Period. And you're getting that epidural right away, don't let anyone talk you into any of that Lamase bullshit. There's no excuse for pain like that. Sophia! I'm not even pregnant! +Sophia! I'm not even pregnant! Well good. Thank God. +Well good. Thank God. Let's go in the kitchen and spy on everyone. +Let's go in the kitchen and spy on everyone. Oh honey, let's. +What do you mean, thank God? Well, are you sure about this baby thing? It's not the ticking clock shit, is it? +Well, are you sure about this baby thing? It's not the ticking clock shit, is it? No, no, not at all... I mean I've still got plenty of time. Don't I? I mean I still have a good six years, whatever. We could have three kids yet, if we wanted. And I know I've always said I never wanted kids, and I didn't... but this year, I really, truly, feel ready... +No, no, not at all... I mean I've still got plenty of time. Don't I? I mean I still have a good six years, whatever. We could have three kids yet, if we wanted. And I know I've always said I never wanted kids, and I didn't... but this year, I really, truly, feel ready... Honey, I'm not worried about you. You are going to be a fantastic mom. Not an issue. I pressed you, remember? Joe, on the other hand, is a different story. +Honey, I'm not worried about you. You are going to be a fantastic mom. Not an issue. I pressed you, remember? Joe, on the other hand, is a different story. Oh Soph, Joe loves kids. Joe wants kids. Joe thinks he needs kids. +Oh Soph, Joe loves kids. Joe wants kids. Joe thinks he needs kids. He wants playmates. Oh he's a sweetheart, Sal, you know I love him. But he's not going to be a good father. He's just not parenting material. +He wants playmates. Oh he's a sweetheart, Sal, you know I love him. But he's not going to be a good father. He's just not parenting material. Hey, let's sit down. I bet the rug feels really nice against your skin. +Don't try and change the subject. Oh God, it feels great! He's just a little narcissistic, irresponsible and unreliable. And Cal's this massive adult? +And Cal's this massive adult? Cal knows who he is. Did you notice how happy Joe was when the drugs came out tonight? +Cal knows who he is. Did you notice how happy Joe was when the drugs came out tonight? You weren't exactly horrified. +You weren't exactly horrified. I don't have a drug problem. +I don't have a drug problem. Neither does Joe. +Neither does Joe. His sister does. Big time. And the New York Times says addiction is genetic -- I'll e-mail you the article. +You don't have kids to keep a marriage together, Sally. It's only five months since Joe came back. We're fine. We're great. We're having a baby and we're moving to London. +We're fine. We're great. We're having a baby and we're moving to London. Well, you weren't fine last summer when you went Sylvia Plath on me in Connecticut. +Well, you weren't fine last summer when you went Sylvia Plath on me in Connecticut. Not nice. Not kind. +Not nice. Not kind. Ha! Not half so not kind as your husband was in his portrayal of you in his novel. +Ha! Not half so not kind as your husband was in his portrayal of you in his novel. Why are you doing this? +Why are you doing this? His image of you is a possessive, fragile neurotic. +His image of you is a possessive, fragile neurotic. But I am a possessive, fragile neurotic. +But I am a possessive, fragile neurotic. "No you are not. You're Sally Nash. Listen to me, you're Sally Nash. You're my best friend and I love you more than anyone, and you're not going to move to London to have the offspring of a sexually ambivalent man-child. ""Oh now I'm a novelist, oh now I'm a director..."" English prick bastard Joe Therrian who's probably going to leave you for Skye Davidson anyway." +Sorry Azteca. Here you go, fellas! Fresh dirt! Alley oop! Shouldn't we be wearing gloves? I mean this dirt is very...dirty. Doesn't anyone think of hygiene? Boy am I hungry. I'm so hungry I'm seeing double. It looks like there's two million ants in here. When's lunch? Tomorrow, or the day after? Z, old pal... SHUT UP!!! It's bad enough there's a food shortage without you complaining about it every day. +Z, old pal... SHUT UP!!! It's bad enough there's a food shortage without you complaining about it every day. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. +The squeaky wheel gets the oil. No, Z. The squeaky wheel gets thrown away, alright? You're a good ant, Z, even though you are a pain in my rear- segment. I don't wanna see anything happen to you. So quit mouthing off, before you get in trouble. +No, Z. The squeaky wheel gets thrown away, alright? You're a good ant, Z, even though you are a pain in my rear- segment. I don't wanna see anything happen to you. So quit mouthing off, before you get in trouble. Thank goodness. Breaktime. +Break's over. This colony needs another tunnel like a hole in the ground. Why are we even digging this thing? +This colony needs another tunnel like a hole in the ground. Why are we even digging this thing? Who cares, Z. All I know is, we gotta dig. We're not the ones in charge. +Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? I'm new...I was born yesterday. +I'm new...I was born yesterday. Tell me about it. +Tell me about it. Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- +Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... +I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. +Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. Are you asking me out to dinner? +Are you asking me out to dinner? No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. +No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. +Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! +You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! +Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... Invisible! +Invisible! No -- an individual! +Someone who follows his heart! Right...because every ant's important! +General -- we have to talk sometime! Very well. Carpenter, is there a convenient time to talk vis-a-vis: relationship? +So, um...how was your day? What did you do? Well... I declared war! +Well... I declared war! Oh...and I was afraid we had nothing in common... +He's...he's dead. You don't have to look for him anymore. He was eaten by a praying mantis. It's a shame he died prematurely...I was hoping to kill him myself. +It's a shame he died prematurely...I was hoping to kill him myself. Well you'll never be able to hurt him where he is now. I miss him already. +Well you'll never be able to hurt him where he is now. I miss him already. You miss him? Why? +You miss him? Why? Because...because he's twice the ant that you are. I could never go through with marrying you. I'm -- I'm an individual, and when I get married, it'll be to someone I choose. +What a bunch of losers. Mindless zombies capitulating to an oppressive system -- Wanna dance? +So uh -- how come I haven't seen you around here before? I work in the palace, I don't get out much. +I work in the palace, I don't get out much. The palace, hunh? I bet those royals really live it up. Of course they're all a little, you know, from inbreeding -- +The palace, hunh? I bet those royals really live it up. Of course they're all a little, you know, from inbreeding -- What? +Are you sure this is a real dance? Well, actually, uh -- I'm sort of making it up -- +Well, actually, uh -- I'm sort of making it up -- Really? +Really? Why should everyone dance the same way? It's as exciting as watching fungus grow. +Why should everyone dance the same way? It's as exciting as watching fungus grow. You're right! +You're right! You -- you think I'm right? +You -- you think I'm right? Why can't I just do whatever I want to do? Why can't I just go wild?! Yahoo! +You watch yours, soldier, or my worker friend will beat you up! Oh, that's okay, I'll let him off this time. Are you crazy? This guy's built like a pebble! You know they do great prosthetic antennas nowadays -- +Oh, that's okay, I'll let him off this time. Are you crazy? This guy's built like a pebble! You know they do great prosthetic antennas nowadays -- Aren't you gonna stand up for yourself? +Uh oh. Goodbye! Gotta run! Wait! When can I see you again? +Wait! When can I see you again? Let me think. Hmmnn... Never. Bye! +You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. +And you are...? I'm Princess Bala. +I'm Princess Bala. Ah, yes. Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? +Ah, yes. Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? Yes. +Yes. Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. +No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- +You dance... Divinely? +Divinely? No weirdly...You remind me of someone... +He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? No...as a matter of fact... +No...as a matter of fact... OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! +Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! +I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! That's not what you said the other night -- +That's not what you said the other night -- Quiet -- sshhh!! +Quiet -- sshhh!! -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! +-- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! SSHH!!! SSHH!!! +What was that thing? How should I know? +How should I know? I order you to find out where we are! +I order you to find out where we are! Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. +Excuse me, I -- Pardon me -- And they call them social insects. Climb up that tree and get a better view! +I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? +Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! +Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! +Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! But can there be a society composed of just two ants? +But can there be a society composed of just two ants? "No! There's no such thing as ""just two ants."" You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants!" +"No! There's no such thing as ""just two ants."" You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants!" Look around, sweetheart. +I -- hate -- you. Well I guess that makes us even. +Well I guess that makes us even. Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! +Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! +Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! +I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? +Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... ...choose who she wanted to marry? +Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. +Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! +Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... That direction. +Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... That direction. Worker! Come back here now! +Worker! Come back here now! I've got a name. It's Z. +I've got a name. It's Z. That's not a name! That's just a letter! +Water...water... Water...water -- oh, you already said that. +Water...water -- oh, you already said that. My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. +My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. +We're going to die! Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? +Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Want a list? +Want a list? Wait, I hear something! +This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. +Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. "Listen, ""Princess"", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just --" +Out here I'm just what? Hlllllllp! +Hlllllllp! Stop fooling around in there. +Princess, has it ever occurred to you that they're not going to rescue you? General Formica won't let me die out here. I'm his fiancee. +General Formica won't let me die out here. I'm his fiancee. Look. How many other Princesses are there? +Look. How many other Princesses are there? Five thousand three hundred and ninety -- no. About five thousand four hundred by now. +Five thousand three hundred and ninety -- no. About five thousand four hundred by now. And only you can become a Queen? +And only you can become a Queen? Well...no, but -- +Well...no, but -- So what makes you so special? +So what makes you so special? Well...I am the oldest. +Face it, Z, we're lost! We must have walked halfway across the world by now! How did I get into this mess... Come on...tell me there wasn't just a little...something between us that first night at the bar. The night we danced. +Come on...tell me there wasn't just a little...something between us that first night at the bar. The night we danced. What difference does it make...we're both going to starve to death, or get squished, or set on fire... +We've found it! Insectopia! Look at all this food' You were right...you were right! Z, it's beautiful! +You were right...you were right! Z, it's beautiful! Let's dig in! +Z...if we don't make it...I just want you to know.... Yes? +Yes? This is all your fault!!! +Come on, Z. "Forget it. You go ahead, I give up. I...I don't know what I was thinking. ""Insectopia""." +So...you never did tell me...what made you come out to the worker bar that night? Just looking for fun, adventure, trouble, I guess. +Just looking for fun, adventure, trouble, I guess. "Well, ""trouble"" is my middle name. Actually, my middle name is .985, but I don't tell people. Hey, Bala, I...I actually have something of yours...you left it at the bar that night." +Sorry, it's been through a war, not to mention everything else... You held onto this all that time? +You held onto this all that time? Well, I...I know it's a little strange, but...I thought it might come in handy if I...needed a scarf someday. Well, to be honest, I just liked having it. +Why do they have you tied up here? There's something going on, Z -- +Bala, that -- that lake we found -- I think the tunnel's right underneath it! -- Formica's going to flood the colony!!! That's what he meant when said there were too many ants! Oh no... +Z! what are you doing? I know it's crazy, but -- I can't just leave. Don't argue with me. If I've learned anything, it's that the problems of two people don't add up to a hill of ants in this world. Or beans. Something like that. Anyway, I've got to warn the others. +I mean, I've got the whole package, right? A great life, a beautiful wife, and a few kids. A few? +The Club's so stuffy. I want to try someplace different. There isn't anyplace else -- Except the worker bar. +There isn't anyplace else -- Except the worker bar. The worker bar! Yes! That's where I want to go! +We shouldn't be doing this -- it isn't proper! I'm the Princess, aren't I? +I'm the Princess, aren't I? Of course -- +Of course -- And do Princesses do improper things? +And do Princesses do improper things? Of course not -- +Of course not -- Then if I go to the worker bar, it isn't improper. Anyway, don't worry. No one will recognize us in our disguises. +Bala has always been a hopeless romantic, General. It's just that -- well, I'm honored that you selected me, and everything, I just thought the marriage might go a little more smoothly if -- we had a conversation? +I felt the same way before I got married. Confused. Scared. You did? +You did? Yes -- but I did my duty and sorted out all those messy feelings. The wonderful thing about ant life is that everything is arranged. Even marriage. You're lucky -- General Formica is a paragon of anthood. +Yes -- but I did my duty and sorted out all those messy feelings. The wonderful thing about ant life is that everything is arranged. Even marriage. You're lucky -- General Formica is a paragon of anthood. Yes...he's wonderful... +Who is that idiot? Darling, you must encourage the troops -- wave! +Bala! Mom! +You new, kid? I just joined up. But I'm quitting! I got a trial membership! +I just joined up. But I'm quitting! I got a trial membership! Trial membership? Kid, when you join this ant's army, you're in for the full hitch. +You just stick by old Barbatus. He'll watch out for you. Whatsamatter, kid? Leave a girl behind? Yeah. Well -- no. She's kind of playing hard to get. As a matter of fact, she's playing completely unattainable. So, what's on the schedule? A brisk walk? a foraging expedition? +Yeah. Well -- no. She's kind of playing hard to get. As a matter of fact, she's playing completely unattainable. So, what's on the schedule? A brisk walk? a foraging expedition? No -- we're going to attack the termites! +No -- we're going to attack the termites! Attack? But -- I hate attacking! It's so hostile! +Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! +So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! Superior numbers, kid! +Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. +BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! Don't get all sappy about it! +Z! Over here! Barbatus? +Barbatus! Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? +Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. +No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. I can't feel my legs... +No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. I can't feel my legs... Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! +Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! I wonder...what...was it all...for... +I wonder...what...was it all...for... Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! +Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... +Princess Bala, sir. Your fiancee. Princess! You look -- outstanding. Is there anything I can do for you? +Actually, sir, we're ahead of schedule. We have thirty-six seconds available right now. Outstanding. Princess...? +Fourteen-fifty hours, sir. Duty calls! +Dammit, this tunnel is priority A-1! We can't afford any delays on this project! I've never seen anything like it, General, they're they're...well, look! +Notice the big one, holding hands with the female? Well, uh, who notices workers, sir? +Well, uh, who notices workers, sir? No one should have to. Have him brought to me. +"What do we have on this ""Insectopia""?" Scattered reports, sir. Rumors. Nothing reliable. +Scattered reports, sir. Rumors. Nothing reliable. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Get me Ant Team Six. +Desperate times call for desperate measures. Get me Ant Team Six. Ant Team Six... +What are you doing?! ATTACK!! Come on, you yellow-bellies! Don't just stand there, Carpenter! Make an example of yourself! Uh, actually, we are outnumbered sir... +So this Z...he fancies himself an individual? Yeah...I mean...well...I don't know, really, sir. +Yeah...I mean...well...I don't know, really, sir. Well now you haven't fallen for this silly idea of individuality, have you? +Well now you haven't fallen for this silly idea of individuality, have you? Oh, no, sir! +Oh, no, sir! Good. You're a good soldier. +Good. You're a good soldier. Thank you, sir. +So tell me. Where's Z? I...I have no idea, sir. +I...I have no idea, sir. Okay, son. +We know what makes an ant colony strong, don't we? We know that no ant can be an individual. No single ant matters, right? That's correct, sir! +That's correct, sir! Not that one. Or that one. +Not that one. Or that one. No, sir! +Lays it on a little thick, doesn't he? If you ask me, he's one giant bore. Now I've heard a lot of scuttlebutt about a food shortage. Well you boys are gonna be taken care of. But in the meantime we're gonna eat the enemy for breakfast, we are gonna eat the enemy for lunch, and we are gonna eat the enemy for dinner! +Now I've heard a lot of scuttlebutt about a food shortage. Well you boys are gonna be taken care of. But in the meantime we're gonna eat the enemy for breakfast, we are gonna eat the enemy for lunch, and we are gonna eat the enemy for dinner! Geez, and I forgot my toothbrush. +Geez, and I forgot my toothbrush. Dammit, I'm proud to be an ant. And I know each and every one of you boys will do your duty. Dismissed. +No -- you -- you don't understand! Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! +Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? +Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. +Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. ONE TO NOTHING! +Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? +Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! +Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Engaged? As in you're getting married? +Engaged? As in you're getting married? Affirmative. +Affirmative. So...you two are in love? +So...you two are in love? In love? I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. +Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? +Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? ...Not enough food? +...Not enough food? Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. +"Well I, I don't think ""living it up"" is the right term -- how about ""working themselves to death""?" I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... +I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. +May I cut in? Oh, of course -- +What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- +Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- ARREST HIM! +ARREST HIM! Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- +General, the severe food shortage that faces the colony...pains me. The thought of any of my children going hungry... Who's the cutest widdle worker? You are! Yes, you! Don't forget to brush your teeth! Ship 'er out. What steps are you taking to remedy the situation? We are launching a major offensive to expand our foraging territory... +We are launching a major offensive to expand our foraging territory... Yes, what else? +Yes, what else? Please don't worry, your majesty. Leave the worrying to me. As you know, I'm not an ant of half- measures. I don't pussyfoot around. This crisis is my number one priority, and I promise you it's being dealt with swiftly, and decisively. +No snacking between meals! Off you go! Now -- what were we saying? I do not recollect, your majesty. Will that be all? +I do not recollect, your majesty. Will that be all? Yes, General Formica. Carry on, my good man! I don't know what we would do without you. +Conversation...yes...well... Wasn't she briefed? Look, General! A darling baby soldier! Don't try to be a hero! Just make sure you come back in one piece! Next! +Look, General! A darling baby soldier! Don't try to be a hero! Just make sure you come back in one piece! Next! I'll take your suggestion under advisement, Princess. In the meanwhile -- +All these parties are so marvellously alike. They should be... But there's something funny about that soldier. +Your majesty, I'm afraid matters of state keep me from attending the ceremony. But General -- this tunnel is your baby! You're sure you can't stay ? +But General -- this tunnel is your baby! You're sure you can't stay ? 'Fraid not, your majesty. Goodbye, your majesty. +'Fraid not, your majesty. Goodbye, your majesty. Very well, General -- I know you -- all work and no play! +Very well, General -- I know you -- all work and no play! Alright, let's move out! +I feel...isolated. Different. I've got abandonment issues. My father flew away when I was just a larva. My mother didn't have much time for me...when you have five million siblings, it's difficult to get attention. I feel physically inadequate -- I've never been able to lift more than ten times my own weight. Sometimes I think I'm just not cut out to be a worker. But I don't have any other options. I was assigned to trade school when I was just a grub. The whole system just...makes me feel...insignificant. Terrific! You should feel insignificant! +...I should? "YES!!! You know, people ask me, ""Doctor, why are you always happy?"" And I tell them it's mind over matter. I don't mind that I don't matter! Do you get it? Do you get it?" +Ask me why we're so successful. Why are we so successful? +Why are we so successful? I'm glad you asked me that question! +What do you see out there? ...Ants... +...Ants... Right! Ants! Millions of creatures, each with his assigned task, all pulling together! +"You see? Being an ant is being able to say, ""Hey -- I'm meaningless, you're meaningless.""" But -- but I've always felt life was about finding meaning...and then sharing it with someone special, someone you love. +We declared war again? Are you scared? I'll be back. +Did you see that? How he gave you the beers, not me? I'm telling you, he's got something against workers. I don't know what you're talking about, Z. +I don't know what you're talking about, Z. Come on -- everybody dumps on us workers. You soldiers get all the glory. Plus you get to go out into the world, meet interesting insects, and kill them. +Come on -- everybody dumps on us workers. You soldiers get all the glory. Plus you get to go out into the world, meet interesting insects, and kill them. Yeah, but you get to spend all day with those fabulous worker babes. +Weaver, they're career girls. They're obsessed with digging. No, I'll probably never meet the girl for me. Who said there was a girl for you? I was talking about a girl for me. Don't you want your aphid beer? +Who said there was a girl for you? I was talking about a girl for me. Don't you want your aphid beer? I can't help it. I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature. Call me crazy. +I can't help it. I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature. Call me crazy. Z, we've known each other a long time, right? +Z, we've known each other a long time, right? Of course. You were born two seconds after me. +Of course. You were born two seconds after me. And all the time I've known you, you've been grumping and groaning. You should quit making waves. Go with the flow. +And all the time I've known you, you've been grumping and groaning. You should quit making waves. Go with the flow. Weaver, I'm an insect, not a liquid. +Hey, did you hear what he said?! Poor guy's had one too many scouting missions. +Time to cut a rug, Z! I'm not in the mood. Even when they're off work, they follow orders. +I'm not in the mood. Even when they're off work, they follow orders. Well, you just sit here and be a party-pooper. +Get real, Z! She just dropped the scarf by accident! Are you kidding? There were sparks between us! This scarf is a sign! +Are you kidding? There were sparks between us! This scarf is a sign! It's a sign that you're crazy! Do you know what the penalty for impersonating a soldier is? +It's a sign that you're crazy! Do you know what the penalty for impersonating a soldier is? What's gonna go wrong?! I take your place for the royal inspection. Bala comes strolling down the line, she sees me -- bingo! Love is rekindled, and she takes me up to the palace for a little... tea and crumpets... and you take your place again, and go march around to your heart's content! +You have to help me. Please, Weaver. Think of all the things I've done for you! I can't think of any. +I can't think of any. Well I'm gonna start doing things for you... +Well I'm gonna start doing things for you... Will you introduce me to some worker girls? +Will you introduce me to some worker girls? You bet! They'll really go for a sensitive guy like you! +You bet! They'll really go for a sensitive guy like you! Maybe I'll get lucky. You know, Z, I wouldn't do this for anyone but you... +Wear this. You're a real buddy. +You're a real buddy. Yeah, I know. +Yeah, I know. What do I do? +What do I do? Don't tell anyone you're a worker. Follow that column over there. And come right back after the inspection! +Yeah, but I hate drowning more! Now dig! You heard the ant -- DIG!!! +I'm getting lonely. Who are you talking to, anyway? My mother. +My mother. That's sweet. That's real sweet. +This the place? Yeah. How much? +You sure this is a good idea? DOBISCH Can't think of a better one. I mean - barging in on your mother -- in the middle of the night? +I mean - barging in on your mother -- in the middle of the night? Don't worry about the old lady. One squawk from her, and she's out of a job. +Not there. Under the mat. Under the mat? +So this is your mother's apartment? That's right. Maria Ouspenskaya. BLONDE Hiya, Ouspenskaya. +Oh. Hello there, Mrs. Dreyfuss. Something the matter? +Something the matter? I seem to have dropped my key. Oh -- here it is. +Such a racket I heard in your place -- maybe you had burglars. Oh, you don't have to worry about that -- nothing in there that anybody would want to steal... Good night, Mrs. Dreyfuss. +Mrs. Dreyfuss, can I borrow some coffee -- and maybe an orange and a couple of eggs? Eggs he asks me for. Oranges. What you need is a good horse-whipping. +Eggs he asks me for. Oranges. What you need is a good horse-whipping. Ma'am? +Ma'am? From me the doctor has no secrets. Poor girl -- how could you do a thing like that? +From me the doctor has no secrets. Poor girl -- how could you do a thing like that? I didn't really do anything -- honest -- I mean, you take a girl out a couple of times a week -- just for laughs -- and right away she thinks you're serious -- marriage-wise. +I didn't really do anything -- honest -- I mean, you take a girl out a couple of times a week -- just for laughs -- and right away she thinks you're serious -- marriage-wise. Big shot! For you, I wouldn't lift a finger -- but for her, I'll fix a little something to eat. +You wouldn't have such a thing as a napkin, would you? Well, I have some paper towels -- +Well, I have some paper towels -- Beatnik! Go to my kitchen -- third drawer, under the good silver, there is napkins. +Beatnik! Go to my kitchen -- third drawer, under the good silver, there is napkins. Yes, Mrs. Dreyfuss. He starts out with a worried backward glance toward the two. Fran is just sitting there, the spoon in her hand, not touching the soup. +Yes, Mrs. Dreyfuss. He starts out with a worried backward glance toward the two. Fran is just sitting there, the spoon in her hand, not touching the soup. So what are you waiting for -- a singing commercial? +You must eat -- and you must get healthy -- and you must forget him. Such a fine boy he seemed when he first moved in here -- clean and cut -- a regular Ivy Leaguer. Turns out he is King Farouk. Mit the drinking -- mit the cha cha -- mit the no napkins. A girl like you, for the rest of your life you want to cry in your noodle soup? Who needs it! You listen to me, you find yourself a nice, substantial man -- a widower maybe -- and settle down -- instead of nashing all those sleeping pills -- for what, for whom? -- for some Good Time Charlie? Sssh! One napkin, coming up. I wish we had some champagne to wrap it around. +One napkin, coming up. I wish we had some champagne to wrap it around. What did I tell you? +What did I tell you? Look, Mrs. Dreyfuss, you don't have to wait around. I'll wash the dishes and -- +Look, Mrs. Dreyfuss, you don't have to wait around. I'll wash the dishes and -- You wash 'em, you break 'em. I'll come back for them later. If he makes trouble, give me a yell. +All right -- I'll tell him. Hey, Baxter -- that was Personnel. Mr. Sheldrake's secretary. Sheldrake? +Sheldrake? She's been trying to reach you for the last twenty minutes. They want you up stairs. +She's been trying to reach you for the last twenty minutes. They want you up stairs. Oh! +What gives, Baxter? You getting promoted or getting fired? Care to make a small wager? +Care to make a small wager? I've been here twice as long as you have -- +I've been here twice as long as you have -- Shall we say -- a dollar? +Shall we say -- a dollar? It's a bet. +Morning, Mr. Baxter. Morning, Miss Kubelik. +What did you do to your hair? It was making me nervous, so I chopped it off. Big mistake, huh? +It was making me nervous, so I chopped it off. Big mistake, huh? I sort of like it. +Say, you got a lulu. Yeah. I better not get too close. +Yeah. I better not get too close. Oh, I never catch colds. +Oh, I never catch colds. Really? I was looking at some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division -- do you know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year? +Really? I was looking at some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division -- do you know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year? That makes me feel just terrible. +That makes me feel just terrible. Why? +Why? Well, to make the figures come out even -- since I have no colds a year -- some poor slob must have five colds a year. +Well, to make the figures come out even -- since I have no colds a year -- some poor slob must have five colds a year. That's me. +You should have stayed in bed this morning. I should have stayed in bed last night. +Twenty-seven. You may not realize it, Miss Kubelik, but I'm in the top ten -- efficiency-wise and this may be the day -- promotion-wise. +You may not realize it, Miss Kubelik, but I'm in the top ten -- efficiency-wise and this may be the day -- promotion-wise. You're beginning to sound like Mr. Kirkeby already. +You're beginning to sound like Mr. Kirkeby already. Why not? Now that they're kicking me upstairs -- +Why not? Now that they're kicking me upstairs -- Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. You know, you're the only one around here who ever takes his hat off in the elevator. +Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. You know, you're the only one around here who ever takes his hat off in the elevator. Really? +Really? The characters you meet. Something happens to men in elevators. Must be the change of altitude -- the blood rushes to their head, or something -- boy, I could tell you stories -- +The characters you meet. Something happens to men in elevators. Must be the change of altitude -- the blood rushes to their head, or something -- boy, I could tell you stories -- I'd love to hear them. Maybe we could have lunch in the cafeteria sometime -- or some evening, after work -- +I hope everything goes all right. I hope so. Wouldn't you know they'd call me on a day like this -- with my cold and everything -- How do I look? +I hope so. Wouldn't you know they'd call me on a day like this -- with my cold and everything -- How do I look? Fine. Wait. +Good night. Good night. +Oh -- Miss Kubelik. I've been waiting for you. FRAN You have? I almost didn't recognize you -- this is the first time I've ever seen you in civilian clothes. +I almost didn't recognize you -- this is the first time I've ever seen you in civilian clothes. How'd you make out on the twenty- seventh floor? +How'd you make out on the twenty- seventh floor? Great. Look -- have you seen The Music Man? +Great. Look -- have you seen The Music Man? No. +No. Would you like to? +Would you like to? Sure. +Sure. I thought maybe we could have a bite to eat first -- and then -- +I thought maybe we could have a bite to eat first -- and then -- You mean tonight? +You mean tonight? Yeah. +Yeah. I'm sorry, but I can't tonight. I'm meeting somebody. +I'm sorry, but I can't tonight. I'm meeting somebody. Oh. You mean -- like a girl-friend? +Oh. You mean -- like a girl-friend? No. Like a man. +I wasn't trying to be personal -- it's just that the fellows in the office were -- whether you wondering about you ever -- Just tell 'em -- now and then. +Just tell 'em -- now and then. This date -- is it just a date -- or is it something serious? +This date -- is it just a date -- or is it something serious? It used to be serious -- at least I was -- but he wasn't -- so the whole thing is more or less kaputt. +It used to be serious -- at least I was -- but he wasn't -- so the whole thing is more or less kaputt. Well, in that case, couldn't you -- ? +Well, in that case, couldn't you -- ? I'm afraid not. I promised to have a drink with him -- he's been calling me all week -- +I'm afraid not. I promised to have a drink with him -- he's been calling me all week -- Oh, I understand. +Well, it was just an idea -- I hate to see a ticket go to waste -- What time does the show go on? +What time does the show go on? Eight-thirty. +Eight-thirty. Well -- I could meet you at the theatre -- if that's all right. +Well -- I could meet you at the theatre -- if that's all right. All right? That's wonderful! It's the Majestic -- 44th Street. +All right? That's wonderful! It's the Majestic -- 44th Street. Meet you in the lobby. Okay? +You know, I felt so lousy this morning -- a hundred and one fever -- then my promotion came up -- now you and I -- eleventh row center -- and you said I should have stayed in bed. How is your cold? +How is your cold? What cold? And after the show, we could go out on the town -- I've been taking from Arthur Murray. +What cold? And after the show, we could go out on the town -- I've been taking from Arthur Murray. So I see. +So I see. They got a great little band at El Chico, in the Village -- it's practically around the corner from where you live. +They got a great little band at El Chico, in the Village -- it's practically around the corner from where you live. Sounds good. How do you know where I live? +Sounds good. How do you know where I live? Oh, I even know who you live with -- your sister and brother-in- law -- I know when you were born -- and where -- I know all sorts of things about you. +Oh, I even know who you live with -- your sister and brother-in- law -- I know when you were born -- and where -- I know all sorts of things about you. How come? +How come? A couple of months ago I looked up your card in the group insurance file. +A couple of months ago I looked up your card in the group insurance file. Oh. +Oh. I know your height, your weight and your Social Security number -- you had mumps, you had measles, and you had your appendix out. +Well, don't tell the fellows in the office about the appendix. They may get the wrong idea how you found out. 'Bye. Eight-thirty! +Marry Christmas. Thank you. I thought you were avoiding me. +Thank you. I thought you were avoiding me. What gave you that idea? +What gave you that idea? In the last six weeks you've only been in my elevator once -- and then you didn't take your hat off. +In the last six weeks you've only been in my elevator once -- and then you didn't take your hat off. Well, as a matter of fact, I was rather hurt when you stood me up that night -- +Well, as a matter of fact, I was rather hurt when you stood me up that night -- I don't blame you. It was unforgivable. +I don't blame you. It was unforgivable. I forgive you. +I forgive you. You shouldn't. +You shouldn't. You couldn't help yourself. I mean, when you're having a drink with one man, you can't just suddenly walk out on him because you have another date with another man. You did the only decent thing. +You couldn't help yourself. I mean, when you're having a drink with one man, you can't just suddenly walk out on him because you have another date with another man. You did the only decent thing. Don't be too sure. Just because I wear a uniform -- that doesn't make me a Girl Scout. +Don't be too sure. Just because I wear a uniform -- that doesn't make me a Girl Scout. Miss Kubelik, one doesn't get to be a second administrative assistant around here unless he's a pretty good judge of character -- and as far as I'm concerned, you're tops. I mean, decency-wise -- and otherwise-wise. Cheers. +Miss Kubelik, one doesn't get to be a second administrative assistant around here unless he's a pretty good judge of character -- and as far as I'm concerned, you're tops. I mean, decency-wise -- and otherwise-wise. Cheers. Cheers. +One more? I shouldn't drink when I'm driving. +I shouldn't drink when I'm driving. You're so right. +By the power vested in me, I herewith declare this elevator out of order. Shall we join the natives? Why not? They seem friendly enough. +Why not? They seem friendly enough. Don't you believe it. Later on there will be human sacrifices -- white collar workers tossed into the computing machines, and punched full of those little square holes. +Don't you believe it. Later on there will be human sacrifices -- white collar workers tossed into the computing machines, and punched full of those little square holes. How many of those drinks did you have? +How many of those drinks did you have? Three. +Three. I thought so. +You all right? What's the matter? Nothing. There are just too many people here. +Nothing. There are just too many people here. Why don't we step into any office? There's something I want your advice about, anyway. I have my own office now, naturally. And you may be interested to know I'm the second youngest executive in the company -- the only one younger is a grandson of the chairman of the board. +Guess I made a boo-boo, huh? No -- I like it. +No -- I like it. Really? You mean you wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with somebody in a hat like this? +Really? You mean you wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with somebody in a hat like this? Of course not. +Of course not. Maybe if I wore it a little more to the side -- is that better? +Maybe if I wore it a little more to the side -- is that better? Much better. +Much better. Well, as long as you wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with me -- how about the three of us going out this evening -- you and me and the bowler -- stroll down Fifth Avenue -- sort of break it in -- +Well, as long as you wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with me -- how about the three of us going out this evening -- you and me and the bowler -- stroll down Fifth Avenue -- sort of break it in -- This is a bad day for me. +This is a bad day for me. I understand. Christmas -- family and all that -- +I understand. Christmas -- family and all that -- I'd better get back to my elevator. I don't want to be fired. +I'd better get back to my elevator. I don't want to be fired. Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I have quite a bit of influence in Personnel. You know Mr. Sheldrake? +Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I have quite a bit of influence in Personnel. You know Mr. Sheldrake? Why? +Why? He and I are like this. Sent me a Christmas card. See? +I thought maybe I could put in a word for you with Mr. Sheldrake -- get you a little promotion -- how would you like to be an elevator starter? I'm afraid there are too many other girls around here with seniority over me. +I'm afraid there are too many other girls around here with seniority over me. No problem. Why don't we discuss it sometime over the holidays -- I could call you and pick you up and we'll have the big unveiling -- -- you sure this is the right way to wear it? +No problem. Why don't we discuss it sometime over the holidays -- I could call you and pick you up and we'll have the big unveiling -- -- you sure this is the right way to wear it? I think so. +I think so. You don't think it's tilted a little too much -- +Here. After all, this is a conservative firm -- I don't want people to think I'm an entertainer -- +What is it? The mirror -- it's broken. +The mirror -- it's broken. I know. I like it this way -- makes me look the way I feel. +Your phone. Oh. Yes? Just a minute. If you don't mind -- this is sort of personal +Oh. Yes? Just a minute. If you don't mind -- this is sort of personal All right. Have a nice Christmas. +Don't you remember? We were at the office party together -- Oh, yes -- office party -- Miss Olsen -- +Oh, yes -- office party -- Miss Olsen -- That's right. I told you we had a fight -- that's what it was about -- Miss Olsen -- you know that other girl you saw -- +That's right. I told you we had a fight -- that's what it was about -- Miss Olsen -- you know that other girl you saw -- I don't understand -- +I don't understand -- It's not important, Fran -- the main thing is that I got here in time -- and you're going to be all right -- -- isn't she, Doc? +It's not important, Fran -- the main thing is that I got here in time -- and you're going to be all right -- -- isn't she, Doc? I'm so tired -- DR. DREYFUSS Here -- drink this. +I'm sorry, Mr. Baxter. Miss Kubelik -- -- you shouldn't be out of bed. +Miss Kubelik -- -- you shouldn't be out of bed. I didn't know -- I had no idea this was your apartment -- +I didn't know -- I had no idea this was your apartment -- Let me help you. +I'm so ashamed. Why didn't you just let me die? What kind of talk is that? So you got a little over- emotional -- but you're fine now. +What kind of talk is that? So you got a little over- emotional -- but you're fine now. My head -- it feels like a big wad of chewing gum. What time is it? +My head -- it feels like a big wad of chewing gum. What time is it? Two o'clock. +Two o'clock. Where's my dress? I have to go home. +You're in no condition to go anywhere -- except back to bed. You don't want me here -- +You don't want me here -- Sure I do. It's always nice to have company for Christmas. +Miss Kubelik, I'm stronger than you are -- I just want to go brush my teeth -- +I just want to go brush my teeth -- Oh -- of course. I think there's a new toothbrush somewhere. +Here. How about some breakfast? No -- I don't want anything. +No -- I don't want anything. I'll fix you some coffee. +Who are you calling, Miss Kubelik? My sister -- she'll want to know what happened to me. +My sister -- she'll want to know what happened to me. Wait a minute -- let's talk this over first. Just what are you going to tell her? +Wait a minute -- let's talk this over first. Just what are you going to tell her? Well, I haven't figured it out, exactly. +Well, I haven't figured it out, exactly. You better figure it out -- exactly. Suppose she asks you why you didn't come home last night? +You better figure it out -- exactly. Suppose she asks you why you didn't come home last night? I'll tell her I spent the night with a friend. +I'll tell her I spent the night with a friend. Who? +Who? Someone from the office. +Someone from the office. And where are you now? +And where are you now? In his apartment. +In his apartment. His apartment? +His apartment? I mean -- her apartment. +I mean -- her apartment. What's your friend's name? +What's your friend's name? Baxter. +Baxter. What's her first name? +What's her first name? Miss. +When are you coming home? As soon as I can walk. +As soon as I can walk. Something wrong with your legs? +Something wrong with your legs? No -- it's my stomach. +No -- it's my stomach. Your stomach? +Your stomach? They had to pump it out. +They had to pump it out. Miss Kubelik, I don't think you ought to call anybody -- not till that chewing gum is out of your head. +But they'll be worried about me -- my brother-in-law may be calling the police -- That's why we have to be careful -- we don't want to involve anybody -- after all, Mr. Sheldrake is a married man -- +That's why we have to be careful -- we don't want to involve anybody -- after all, Mr. Sheldrake is a married man -- Thanks for reminding me. +I didn't mean it that way -- I was just talking to him on the phone -- he's very concerned about you. He doesn't give a damn about me. +He doesn't give a damn about me. Oh, you're wrong. He told me -- +Oh, you're wrong. He told me -- He's a liar. But that's not the worst part of it -- the worst part is -- I still love him. +She doesn't seem to like you very much. Oh, I don't mind. As a matter of fact, I'm sort of flattered -- that anybody should think a girl like you -- would do a thing like this -- over a guy like me. +Oh, I don't mind. As a matter of fact, I'm sort of flattered -- that anybody should think a girl like you -- would do a thing like this -- over a guy like me. Oh. Did you find something here -- an envelope -- ? +Oh. Did you find something here -- an envelope -- ? Yes, I've got it. Don't you think we'd better destroy it? So it won't fall into the wrong hands -- ? +Yes, I've got it. Don't you think we'd better destroy it? So it won't fall into the wrong hands -- ? Open it. +There's nothing here but a hundred dollar bill. That's right. Will you see that Mr. Sheldrake gets it? +That's right. Will you see that Mr. Sheldrake gets it? Sure. +You want me to move the television set in here? You play gin rummy? I'm not very good at it. +I'm not very good at it. I am. Let me get the cards. +I am. Let me get the cards. You don't have to entertain me. +I think I'm going to give it all up. Give what up? +Give what up? Why do people have to love people, anyway? +Why do people have to love people, anyway? Yeah -- I know what you mean. Queen. +Yeah -- I know what you mean. Queen. I don't want it. +I don't want it. Pick a card. +What do you call it when somebody keeps getting smashed up in automobile accidents? A bad insurance risk? +A bad insurance risk? That's me with men. I've been jinxed from the word go -- first time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery. +That's me with men. I've been jinxed from the word go -- first time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery. A cemetery? +A cemetery? I was fifteen -- we used to go there to smoke. His name was George -- he threw me over for a drum majorette. +I was fifteen -- we used to go there to smoke. His name was George -- he threw me over for a drum majorette. Gin. +I just have this talent for falling in love with the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time. BUD How many guys were there? Three. The last one was manager of a finance company, back home in Pittsburgh -- they found a little shortage in his accounts, but he asked me to wait for him -- he'll be out in 1965. +Three. The last one was manager of a finance company, back home in Pittsburgh -- they found a little shortage in his accounts, but he asked me to wait for him -- he'll be out in 1965. Cut. +Cut. So I came to New York and moved in with my sister and her husband -- he drives a cab. They sent me to secretarial school, and I applied for a job with Consolidated - but I flunked the typing test -- +So I came to New York and moved in with my sister and her husband -- he drives a cab. They sent me to secretarial school, and I applied for a job with Consolidated - but I flunked the typing test -- Too slow? +Too slow? Oh. I can type up a storm, but I can't spell. So they gave me a pair of white gloves and stuck me in an elevator -- that's how I met Jeff -- Oh, God, I'm so fouled up. What am I going to do now? +Oh. I can type up a storm, but I can't spell. So they gave me a pair of white gloves and stuck me in an elevator -- that's how I met Jeff -- Oh, God, I'm so fouled up. What am I going to do now? You better win a hand -- you're on a blitz. +You better win a hand -- you're on a blitz. Was he really upset when you told him? +Was he really upset when you told him? Mr. Sheldrake? Oh, yes. Very. +Mr. Sheldrake? Oh, yes. Very. Maybe he does love me -- only he doesn't have the nerve to tell his wife. +Maybe he does love me -- only he doesn't have the nerve to tell his wife. I'm sure that's the explanation. +I'm sure that's the explanation. You really think so? +You really think so? No doubt about it. +No doubt about it. Can I have that pad and the pencil? +Can I have that pad and the pencil? What for? +What for? I'm going to write a letter to Mrs. Sheldrake. +I'm going to write a letter to Mrs. Sheldrake. You are? +You are? As one woman to another -- I'm sure she'll understand -- +As one woman to another -- I'm sure she'll understand -- Miss Kubelik, I don't think that's such a good idea. +Why not? Well, for one thing, you can't spell. And secondly -- if you did something like that -- you'd hate yourself. +Well, for one thing, you can't spell. And secondly -- if you did something like that -- you'd hate yourself. I don't like myself very much anyway. +I don't like myself very much anyway. Pick up your cards and let's go. +Pick up your cards and let's go. Do I have to? +Do I have to? You bet. I got a terrific hand. +You sure you want to throw that card? Sure. +Sure. Gin. +Who was that? Just somebody delivering a bottle of champagne. Like some? +Just somebody delivering a bottle of champagne. Like some? Would you mind opening the window? +Now don't go getting any ideas, Miss Kubelik. I just want some fresh air. +I just want some fresh air. It's only one story down -- the best you can do is break a leg. +It's only one story down -- the best you can do is break a leg. So they'll shoot me -- like a horse. +So they'll shoot me -- like a horse. Please, Miss Kubelik, you got to promise me you won't do anything foolish. +Please, Miss Kubelik, you got to promise me you won't do anything foolish. Who'd care? +Who'd care? I would. +I would. Why can't I ever fall in love with somebody nice like you? +Why can't I ever fall in love with somebody nice like you? Yeah. Well -- that's the way it crumbles, cookie-wise. Go to sleep. +There's a call for you -- For me? +For me? -- Mr. Sheldrake. +-- Mr. Sheldrake. I don't want to talk to him. +I don't want to talk to him. I think you should. I have to run down to the grocery anyway -- all that's left around here is one frozen pizza -- I'll be right back -- okay? +Are you all right? Sure. What's that funny smell? +Sure. What's that funny smell? Gas. Didn't you turn it on? +Gas. Didn't you turn it on? Yes. I was boiling some water to get the coffee stains out of my dress. +Yes. I was boiling some water to get the coffee stains out of my dress. You turned it on -- but you didn't light it. +You turned it on -- but you didn't light it. Are you supposed to? +Are you supposed to? In this house, you're supposed to. +In this house, you're supposed to. Oh. +What are you doing with that? I was washing my stockings, so I decided I might as well do your socks. +I was washing my stockings, so I decided I might as well do your socks. Thank you. +Thank you. It's very curious -- I could only find three and a half pair. +It's very curious -- I could only find three and a half pair. Well, things are a little disorganized around here. +Tennis racquet? Oh, I remember -- I was cooking myself an Italian dinner. I used it to strain the spaghetti. FRAN Why not? As a matter of fact, I'm a pretty good cook -- but I'm a lousy housekeeper. +As a matter of fact, I'm a pretty good cook -- but I'm a lousy housekeeper. Yes, you are, When I was straightening up the couch, you know what I found? Six hairpins, a lipstick, a pair of false eyelashes, and a swizzle stick from the Stork Club. +Yes, you are, When I was straightening up the couch, you know what I found? Six hairpins, a lipstick, a pair of false eyelashes, and a swizzle stick from the Stork Club. It's just that I'm the kind of guy who can't say no -- I don't mean to girls -- I mean -- +It's just that I'm the kind of guy who can't say no -- I don't mean to girls -- I mean -- You mean to someone like Mr. Sheldrake. +You mean to someone like Mr. Sheldrake. I guess so. +I guess so. I know so. He's a taker. +I know so. He's a taker. A what? +A what? Some people take, some people get took -- and they know they're getting took -- and there's nothing they can do about it. +Some people take, some people get took -- and they know they're getting took -- and there's nothing they can do about it. I wouldn't say that -- What would you like to have for diner? There's onion soup and canned asparagus -- +I wouldn't say that -- What would you like to have for diner? There's onion soup and canned asparagus -- I really ought to be getting home. My family will be flipping by now. +You can't leave yet. The doctor says it takes forty-eight hours to get the stuff out of your system. I wonder how long it takes to get someone you're stuck on out of your system? If they'd only invent some kind of a pump for that -- +I know how you feel, Miss Kubelik. You think it's the end of the world -- but it's not, really. I went through exactly the same thing myself. You did? +You did? Well, maybe not exactly -- I tried to do it with a gun. +Well, maybe not exactly -- I tried to do it with a gun. Over a girl? +Over a girl? Worse than that -- she was the wife of my best friend -- and I was mad for her. But I knew it was hopeless -- so I decided to end it all. I went to a pawnshop and bought a forty-five automatic and drove up to Eden Park -- do you know Cincinnati? +Worse than that -- she was the wife of my best friend -- and I was mad for her. But I knew it was hopeless -- so I decided to end it all. I went to a pawnshop and bought a forty-five automatic and drove up to Eden Park -- do you know Cincinnati? No, I don't. +No, I don't. Anyway, I parked the car and loaded the gun -- well, you read in the papers all the time that people shoot themselves, but believe me, it's not that easy -- I mean, how do you do it? -- here, or here, or here -- -- you know where I finally shot myself? +Anyway, I parked the car and loaded the gun -- well, you read in the papers all the time that people shoot themselves, but believe me, it's not that easy -- I mean, how do you do it? -- here, or here, or here -- -- you know where I finally shot myself? Where? +Where? Here. +Here. In the knee? +In the knee? Uh-huh. While I was sitting there, trying to make my mind up, a cop stuck his head in the car, because I was illegally parked -- so I started to hide the gun under the seat and it went off -- pow! +Uh-huh. While I was sitting there, trying to make my mind up, a cop stuck his head in the car, because I was illegally parked -- so I started to hide the gun under the seat and it went off -- pow! That's terrible. +That's terrible. Yeah. Took me a year before I could bend my knee -- but I got over the girl in three weeks. She still lives in Cincinnati, has four kids, gained twenty pounds -- she sends me a fruit cake every Christmas. +Yeah. Took me a year before I could bend my knee -- but I got over the girl in three weeks. She still lives in Cincinnati, has four kids, gained twenty pounds -- she sends me a fruit cake every Christmas. Are you just making that up to make me feel better? +Are you just making that up to make me feel better? Of course not. Here's the fruit cake. And you want to see my knee? +No, thanks. The fellows in the office may get the wrong idea how I found out. So let 'em. Look, I'm going to cook dinner for us. We'll have the fruit cake for dessert. You just sit there and rest. You've done enough for one day. +So let 'em. Look, I'm going to cook dinner for us. We'll have the fruit cake for dessert. You just sit there and rest. You've done enough for one day. Yes, nurse. +Are we dressing for dinner? No -- just come as you are. +No -- just come as you are. Say, you're pretty good with that racquet. +Say, you're pretty good with that racquet. You ought to see my backhand. And wait till I serve the meatballs. +Shall I light the candles? It's a must -- gracious-living-wise. +I see you bought some napkins. Might as well go all the way. +You know, I used to live like Robinson Crusoe -- shipwrecked among eight million people. Then one day I saw a footprint in the sand -- and there you were -- It's a wonderful thing -- dinner for two. You usually eat alone? +You usually eat alone? Oh, no. Sometimes I have dinner with Ed Sullivan, sometimes with Dinah Shore or Perry Como -- the other night I had dinner with Mae West -- of course, she was much younger then. Cheers. +Oh, no. Sometimes I have dinner with Ed Sullivan, sometimes with Dinah Shore or Perry Como -- the other night I had dinner with Mae West -- of course, she was much younger then. Cheers. Cheers. +You know what we're going to do after dinner? The dishes? +The dishes? I mean, after that? +I mean, after that? What? +What? You don't have to if you don't want to -- +You don't have to if you don't want to -- I don't? +I don't? We're going to finish that gin game. +We're going to finish that gin game. Oh. +Oh. So I want you to keep a clear head. +Oh, Miss Kubelik. How do you feel? Fine. How's your eye? +Fine. How's your eye? Fine. +How's everything at the apartment? Nothing's changed. You know, we never finished that gin game -- +Nothing's changed. You know, we never finished that gin game -- I know. I suppose you heard about Mr. Sheldrake --? +I know. I suppose you heard about Mr. Sheldrake --? You mean, leaving his wife? Yeah. I'm very happy for you. +You mean, leaving his wife? Yeah. I'm very happy for you. I never thought he'd do it. +I never thought he'd do it. I told you all along. You see, you were wrong about Mr. Sheldrake. +I told you all along. You see, you were wrong about Mr. Sheldrake. I guess so. +I guess so. For that matter, you were wrong about me, too. What you said about those who take and those who get took? Well, Mr. Sheldrake wasn't using me -- I was using him. See? Last month I was at desk 861 on the nineteenth floor -- now I'm on the twenty-seventh floor, paneled office, three windows -- so it all worked out fine -- we're both getting what we want. +For that matter, you were wrong about me, too. What you said about those who take and those who get took? Well, Mr. Sheldrake wasn't using me -- I was using him. See? Last month I was at desk 861 on the nineteenth floor -- now I'm on the twenty-seventh floor, paneled office, three windows -- so it all worked out fine -- we're both getting what we want. Yes. You walking to the subway? +Yes. You walking to the subway? No, thank you. I -- well, to tell you the truth -- -- I have this heavy date for tonight -- +Oh. Aren't you meeting Mr. Sheldrake? +Aren't you meeting Mr. Sheldrake? No. You know how people talk. So I decided it would be better if we didn't see each other till everything is settled, divorce-wise. +No. You know how people talk. So I decided it would be better if we didn't see each other till everything is settled, divorce-wise. That's very wise. +That's very wise. Good night, Mr. Baxter. +Good night, Mr. Baxter. Good night, Miss Kubelik. +Are you all right? I'm fine. +I'm fine. Are you sure? How's your knee? +Are you sure? How's your knee? I'm fine all over. +I'm fine all over. Mind if I come in? +Mind if I come in? Of course not. +Where are you going? BUD Who knows? Another neighborhood -- another town -- another job -- I'm on my own. That's funny -- so am I. What did you do with the cards? +That's funny -- so am I. What did you do with the cards? In there. +What about Mr. Sheldrake? I'm going to send him a fruit cake every Christmas. +I love you, Miss Kubelik. Seven -- -- queen. +Did you hear what I said, Miss Kubelik? I absolutely adore you. Shut up and deal! +Good evening, Mr. Baxter. Good evening, Mrs. Lieberman. +Good evening, Mrs. Lieberman. Some weather we're having. Must be from all the meshugass at Cape Canaveral. You locked out of your apartment? +Some weather we're having. Must be from all the meshugass at Cape Canaveral. You locked out of your apartment? No, no. Just waiting for a friend. Good night, Mrs. Lieberman. +No, no. Just waiting for a friend. Good night, Mrs. Lieberman. Good night, Mr. Baxter. +Oh -- Mrs. Lieberman. So who did you think it was -- Kris Kringle? What was going on here last night? +So who did you think it was -- Kris Kringle? What was going on here last night? Last night? +Last night? All that marching -- tramp, tramp, tramp -- you were having army maneuvers maybe? +All that marching -- tramp, tramp, tramp -- you were having army maneuvers maybe? I'm sorry, Mrs. Lieberman -- and I'll never invite those people again. +I'm sorry, Mrs. Lieberman -- and I'll never invite those people again. What you get from renting to bachelors. All night I didn't sleep ten minutes -- and I'm sure you woke up Dr. Dreyfuss. +What you get from renting to bachelors. All night I didn't sleep ten minutes -- and I'm sure you woke up Dr. Dreyfuss. Don't worry about Dr. Dreyfuss -- I happen to know he was out on a case. +Don't worry about Dr. Dreyfuss -- I happen to know he was out on a case. I'm warning you, Mr. Baxter -- this is a respectable house, not a honky-tonky. Come on, Oscar. +Oh, Mr. Baxter -- I'm glad you're here -- I was just going to get the passkey. What for? +What for? I thought I smelled gas coming from your apartment. +I thought I smelled gas coming from your apartment. Gas? +Baxter? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. I was sort of wondering what you looked like. Sit down. +I was sort of wondering what you looked like. Sit down. Yes, Mr. Sheldrake. +Been hearing some very nice things about you -- here's a report from Mr. Dobisch -- loyal, cooperative, resourceful -- Mr. Dobisch said that? +Mr. Dobisch said that? And Mr. Kirkeby tells me that several nights a week you work late at the office -- without overtime. +And Mr. Kirkeby tells me that several nights a week you work late at the office -- without overtime. Well, you know how it is -- things pile up. +Well, you know how it is -- things pile up. Mr. Vanderhof, in Public Relations, and Mr. Eichelberger, in Mortgage and Loan -- they'd both like to have you transferred to their departments. +Mr. Vanderhof, in Public Relations, and Mr. Eichelberger, in Mortgage and Loan -- they'd both like to have you transferred to their departments. That's very flattering. +Tell me, Baxter -- just what is it that makes you so popular? I don't know. +I don't know. Think. +Would you mind repeating the question? Look, Baxter, I'm not stupid. I know everything that goes on in this building -- in every department -- on every floor -- every day of the year. +Look, Baxter, I'm not stupid. I know everything that goes on in this building -- in every department -- on every floor -- every day of the year. You do? +You do? In 1957, we had an employee here, name of Fowler. He was very popular, too. Turned out he was running a bookie joint right in the Actuarial Department tying up the switchboard, figuring the odds on our I.B.M. machines -- so the day before the Kentucky Derby, I called in the Vice Squad and we raided the thirteenth floor. +In 1957, we had an employee here, name of Fowler. He was very popular, too. Turned out he was running a bookie joint right in the Actuarial Department tying up the switchboard, figuring the odds on our I.B.M. machines -- so the day before the Kentucky Derby, I called in the Vice Squad and we raided the thirteenth floor. The Vice Squad? +The Vice Squad? That's right, Baxter. +That's right, Baxter. What -- what's that got to do with me? I'm not running any bookie joint. +What -- what's that got to do with me? I'm not running any bookie joint. What kind of joint are you running? +What kind of joint are you running? Sir? +Sir? There's a certain key floating around the office -- from Kirkeby to Vanderhof to Eichelberger to Dobisch -- it's the key to a certain apartment -- and you know who that apartment belongs to? +There's a certain key floating around the office -- from Kirkeby to Vanderhof to Eichelberger to Dobisch -- it's the key to a certain apartment -- and you know who that apartment belongs to? Who? +Who? Loyal, cooperative, resourceful C. C. Baxter. +Loyal, cooperative, resourceful C. C. Baxter. Oh. +Oh. Are you going to deny it? +Are you going to deny it? No, sir. I'm not going to deny it. But if you'd just let me explain -- +No, sir. I'm not going to deny it. But if you'd just let me explain -- You better. +You better. Well, about six months ago -- I was going to night school, taking this course in Advanced Accounting -- and one of the guys in our department -- he lives in Jersey -- he was going to a banquet at the Biltmore -- his wife was meeting him in town, and he needed someplace to change into a tuxedo -- so I gave him the key and word must have gotten around -- because the next thing I knew, all sorts of guys were suddenly going to banquets -- and when you give the key to one guy, you can't say no to another and the whole thing got out of hand -- pardon me. +Baxter, an insurance company is founded on public trust. Any employee who conducts himself in a manner unbecoming -- How many charter members are there in this little club of yours? Just those four -- out of a total of 31,259 -- so actually, we can be very proud of our personnel -- percentage-wise. +Just those four -- out of a total of 31,259 -- so actually, we can be very proud of our personnel -- percentage-wise. That's not the point. Four rotten apples in a barrel -- no matter how large the barrel -- you realize that if this ever leaked out -- +That's not the point. Four rotten apples in a barrel -- no matter how large the barrel -- you realize that if this ever leaked out -- Oh, it won't. Believe me. And it's not going to happen again. From now on, nobody is going to use my apartment -- +Where is your apartment? West 67th Street. You have no idea what I've been going through -- with the neighbors and the landlady and the liquor and the key -- +West 67th Street. You have no idea what I've been going through -- with the neighbors and the landlady and the liquor and the key -- How do you work it with the key? +How do you work it with the key? Well, usually I slip it to them in the office and they leave it under the mat -- but never again -- I can promise you that -- +Where are you going, Baxter? Well, I don't want to intrude -- and I thought -- since it's all straightened out anyway -- +Well, I don't want to intrude -- and I thought -- since it's all straightened out anyway -- I'm not through with you yet. +I'm not through with you yet. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. The reason I called is -- I won't be home for dinner tonight. The branch manager from Kansas City is in town -- I'm taking him to the theatre Music Man, what else? No, don't wait up for me -- 'bye, darling. Tell me something, Baxter -- have you seen Music Man? +The reason I called is -- I won't be home for dinner tonight. The branch manager from Kansas City is in town -- I'm taking him to the theatre Music Man, what else? No, don't wait up for me -- 'bye, darling. Tell me something, Baxter -- have you seen Music Man? Not yet. But I hear it's one swell show. +Not yet. But I hear it's one swell show. How would you like to go tonight? +How would you like to go tonight? You mean -- you and me? I thought you were taking the branch manager from Kansas City -- +You mean -- you and me? I thought you were taking the branch manager from Kansas City -- I made other plans. You can have both tickets. +I made other plans. You can have both tickets. Well, that's very kind of you -- only I'm not feeling well -- you see, I have this cold -- and I thought I'd go straight home. +Well, that's very kind of you -- only I'm not feeling well -- you see, I have this cold -- and I thought I'd go straight home. Baxter, you're not reading me. I told you I have plans. +Baxter, you're not reading me. I told you I have plans. So do I -- I'm going to take four aspirins and get into bed -- so you better give the tickets to somebody else -- +So do I -- I'm going to take four aspirins and get into bed -- so you better give the tickets to somebody else -- I'm not just giving those tickets, Baxter -- I want to swap them. +I'm not just giving those tickets, Baxter -- I want to swap them. Swap them? For what? +It also says here -- that you are alert, astute, and quite imaginative -- Oh? Oh! +This? That's good thinking, Baxter. Next month there's going to be a shift in personnel around here -- and as far as I'm concerned, you're executive material. +That's good thinking, Baxter. Next month there's going to be a shift in personnel around here -- and as far as I'm concerned, you're executive material. I am? +I am? Now put down the key -- -- and put down the address. +Oh -- terribly sorry. It's that cold -- Relax, Baxter. +Relax, Baxter. Thank you, sir. +Now remember, Baxter -- this is going to be our little secret. Yes, of course. +Yes, of course. You know how people talk. +You know how people talk. Oh, you don't have to worry -- +Oh, you don't have to worry -- Not that I have anything to hide. +Not that I have anything to hide. Oh, no sir. Certainly not. Anyway, it's none of my business -- four apples, five apples -- what's the difference -- percentage-wise? +Oh, no sir. Certainly not. Anyway, it's none of my business -- four apples, five apples -- what's the difference -- percentage-wise? Here you are, Baxter. Have a nice time. +Here you are, Baxter. Have a nice time. You too, sir. +Morning, gentlemen. Everything satisfactory? You like your office? Oh, yes, sir. Very much. And I want to thank you -- +Oh, yes, sir. Very much. And I want to thank you -- Don't thank me -- thank your friends here -- they're the ones who recommended you. +I like the way you handled that. Well, how does it feel to be an executive? Fine. And I want you to know I'll work very hard to justify your confidence in me -- SHELDRAKE Sure you will. Say, Baxter, about the apartment - now that you got a raise, don't you think we can afford a second key? +Fine. And I want you to know I'll work very hard to justify your confidence in me -- SHELDRAKE Sure you will. Say, Baxter, about the apartment - now that you got a raise, don't you think we can afford a second key? Well -- I guess so. +Well -- I guess so. You know my secretary -- Miss Olsen -- +You know my secretary -- Miss Olsen -- Oh, yes. Very attractive. Is she -- the lucky one? +Oh, yes. Very attractive. Is she -- the lucky one? No, you don't understand. She's a busybody -- always poking her nose into things -- and with that key passing back and forth -- why take chances? +No, you don't understand. She's a busybody -- always poking her nose into things -- and with that key passing back and forth -- why take chances? Yes, sir. You can't be too careful. +To me? I mean -- the young lady -- whoever she may be -- it was on the couch when I got home last night. +I mean -- the young lady -- whoever she may be -- it was on the couch when I got home last night. Oh, yes. Thanks. +Oh, yes. Thanks. The mirror is broken. It was broken when I found it. +The mirror is broken. It was broken when I found it. So it was. She threw it at me. +So it was. She threw it at me. Sir? +Sir? You know how it is -- sooner or later they all give you a bad time. +You know how it is -- sooner or later they all give you a bad time. I know how it is. +I know how it is. You see a girl a couple of times a week -- just for laughs -- and right away she thinks you're going to divorce your wife. I ask you -- is that fair? +You see a girl a couple of times a week -- just for laughs -- and right away she thinks you're going to divorce your wife. I ask you -- is that fair? No, sir. That's very unfair -- especially to your wife. +No, sir. That's very unfair -- especially to your wife. Yeah. You know, Baxter, I envy you. Bachelor -- all the dames you want -- no headaches, no complications -- +Yeah. You know, Baxter, I envy you. Bachelor -- all the dames you want -- no headaches, no complications -- Yes, sir. That's the life, all right. +Yes, sir. That's the life, all right. Put me down for Thursday again. +Put me down for Thursday again. Roger. And I'll get that other key. +Hello? -- yes -- what's on your mind, Baxter? I hate to disturb you, but something came up -- it's rather important -- and I think it would be a good idea if you could see me -- at the apartment -- as soon as possible. +I hate to disturb you, but something came up -- it's rather important -- and I think it would be a good idea if you could see me -- at the apartment -- as soon as possible. You're not making sense, Baxter. What's this all about? +You're not making sense, Baxter. What's this all about? I didn't want to tell you over the phone but that certain party -- you know who I mean -- I found her here last night -- she had taken an overdose of sleeping pills. +I didn't want to tell you over the phone but that certain party -- you know who I mean -- I found her here last night -- she had taken an overdose of sleeping pills. What? +I thought maybe you'd like to be here when she wakes up. That's impossible. You'll have to handle this situation yourself -- as a matter of fact, I'm counting on you -- +That's impossible. You'll have to handle this situation yourself -- as a matter of fact, I'm counting on you -- Yes, sir -- I understand. She left a note -- you want me to open it and read it to you? Well, it was just a suggestion -- no, you don't have to worry about that, Mr. Sheldrake -- I kept your name out of it so there'll be no trouble, police-wise or newspaper- wise -- +Yes, she's in the shower -- she's coming along fine, considering. Good. Is there anything you need -- money -- ? +Good. Is there anything you need -- money -- ? No, thank you, Mr. Sheldrake. As a matter of fact, I've got some money for you -- a hundred dollars -- +No, thank you, Mr. Sheldrake. As a matter of fact, I've got some money for you -- a hundred dollars -- Oh. Well, if there's anything I can do for you -- +Oh. Well, if there's anything I can do for you -- For me? I don't think so. But I was hoping maybe you could do something for her -- +For me? I don't think so. But I was hoping maybe you could do something for her -- Like what? Put yourself in my place, Baxter -- how can I help her -- my hands are tied -- +Mr. Sheldrake, I've got good news for you -- And I've got good news for you, Baxter. All your troubles are over. +And I've got good news for you, Baxter. All your troubles are over. Sir? +Sir? I know how worried you were about Miss Kubelik -- well, stop worrying -- I'm going to take her off your hands. +I know how worried you were about Miss Kubelik -- well, stop worrying -- I'm going to take her off your hands. You're going to take her off my hands? +You're going to take her off my hands? That's right. I've moved out of my house -- I'm going to be staying in town, at the Athletic Club. +That's right. I've moved out of my house -- I'm going to be staying in town, at the Athletic Club. You left your wife? +You left your wife? Well, if you must know -- I fired my secretary, my secretary got to my wife, and my wife fired me. Ain't that a kick in the head? +Well, if you must know -- I fired my secretary, my secretary got to my wife, and my wife fired me. Ain't that a kick in the head? Yeah -- +Yeah -- Now what was your news, Baxter? +Now what was your news, Baxter? It's about Miss Kubelik -- she's all right again -- so she went back home. +It's about Miss Kubelik -- she's all right again -- so she went back home. Swell. And don't think I've forgotten what you did for me. This way, Baxter. +You like? It's all yours. Mine? +Mine? My assistant, Roy Thompson, has been shifted to the Denver office, and you're taking his place. What's the matter, Baxter? You don't seem very excited. +My assistant, Roy Thompson, has been shifted to the Denver office, and you're taking his place. What's the matter, Baxter? You don't seem very excited. Well, it's just that so many things have been happening so fast -- I'm very pleased -- especially for Miss Kubelik. Now that I've gotten to know her better, I think she's the kind of girl that definitely ought to be married to somebody -- +Well, it's just that so many things have been happening so fast -- I'm very pleased -- especially for Miss Kubelik. Now that I've gotten to know her better, I think she's the kind of girl that definitely ought to be married to somebody -- Oh, sure, sure. But first the property settlement has to be worked out -- then it takes six weeks in Reno -- meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy being a bachelor for a while. Oh, by the way, you can now have lunch in the executive dining room -- +Oh, sure, sure. But first the property settlement has to be worked out -- then it takes six weeks in Reno -- meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy being a bachelor for a while. Oh, by the way, you can now have lunch in the executive dining room -- Yes, sir. +That's just one of the privileges that goes with this job. You also get a nice little expense account, the use of the executive washroom -- Say, what happened to you, Baxter? I got kicked in the head, too. +I got kicked in the head, too. Oh? +Here's the breakdown of figures on personnel turnover. Thirty-seven percent of our female employees leave to get married, twenty-two percent quit because -- You're working too hard, Baxter. It's New Year's Eve -- relax. +You're working too hard, Baxter. It's New Year's Eve -- relax. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. I suppose you'll be on the town tonight -- celebrating? +I suppose you'll be on the town tonight -- celebrating? Naturally. +Naturally. Me, too. I'm taking Miss Kubelik out -- I finally talked her into it -- +Me, too. I'm taking Miss Kubelik out -- I finally talked her into it -- I see. +I see. The only thing is I'm staying at the Athletic Club -- and it's strictly stag so if you don't mind -- +The only thing is I'm staying at the Athletic Club -- and it's strictly stag so if you don't mind -- Don't mind what? +Don't mind what? You know that other key to your apartment -- well, when we had that little scare about Miss Kubelik, I thought I'd better get rid of it quick -- so I threw it out the window of the commuter train. +You know that other key to your apartment -- well, when we had that little scare about Miss Kubelik, I thought I'd better get rid of it quick -- so I threw it out the window of the commuter train. Very clever. +Very clever. Now I'll have to borrow your key. +Now I'll have to borrow your key. Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake. +Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake. What do you mean, sorry? +What do you mean, sorry? You're not going to bring anybody up to my apartment. +You're not going to bring anybody up to my apartment. I'm not just bringing anybody -- I'm bringing Miss Kubelik. +I'm not just bringing anybody -- I'm bringing Miss Kubelik. Especially not Miss Kubelik. +Especially not Miss Kubelik. How's that again? +How's that again? No key! +No key! Baxter, I picked you for my team because I thought you were a bright young man. You realize what you're doing? Not to me -- but to yourself. Normally it takes years to work your way up to the twenty-seventh floor -- but it takes only thirty seconds to be out on the street again. You dig? +Baxter, I picked you for my team because I thought you were a bright young man. You realize what you're doing? Not to me -- but to yourself. Normally it takes years to work your way up to the twenty-seventh floor -- but it takes only thirty seconds to be out on the street again. You dig? I dig. +I dig. So what's it going to be? +Now you're being bright? Thank you, sir. +Say, Baxter -- you gave me the wrong key. No I didn't. +No I didn't. But this is the key to the executive washroom. +But this is the key to the executive washroom. That's right, Mr. Sheldrake. I won't be needing it -- because I'm all washed up around here. +What's gotten into you, Baxter? Just following doctor's orders. I've decided to become a mensch. You know what that means? A human being. +Just following doctor's orders. I've decided to become a mensch. You know what that means? A human being. Now hold on, Baxter -- +Now hold on, Baxter -- Save it. The old payola won't work any more. Goodbye, Mr. Sheldrake. +Baxter? Yes? +How do you do, Mr. Matuschka? Okay, get your clothes on. I got the cab downstairs. +Okay, get your clothes on. I got the cab downstairs. Now, wait a minute. I know what you're thinking -- but it's not as bad as it looks -- MATUSCHKA It's none of my business what you do, Fran -- you're over twenty- one -- but your sister happens to think you're a lady. +Now, wait a minute. I know what you're thinking -- but it's not as bad as it looks -- MATUSCHKA It's none of my business what you do, Fran -- you're over twenty- one -- but your sister happens to think you're a lady. All we were going to do is eat and wash the dishes -- +All we were going to do is eat and wash the dishes -- Look, Buddy-boy -- if there wasn't a lady present, I'd clobber you. +What's the matter with Miss Kubelik? Oh, this is Mr. Matuschka -- he's Miss Kubelik's -- he's got a cab downstairs -- +Oh, this is Mr. Matuschka -- he's Miss Kubelik's -- he's got a cab downstairs -- Fran been sick or something? +No, no -- just had a little accident. What does he mean, accident? +On account of me. You? +You? Who else? +Mr. Kirkeby, I don't like to complain -- but you were supposed to be out of here by eight. I know, Buddy-boy, I know. But those things don't always run on schedule -- like a Greyhound bus. +I know, Buddy-boy, I know. But those things don't always run on schedule -- like a Greyhound bus. I don't mind in the summer -- but on a rainy night -- and I haven't had any dinner yet -- +I don't mind in the summer -- but on a rainy night -- and I haven't had any dinner yet -- Sure, sure. Look, kid -- I put in a good word for you with Sheldrake, in Personnel. +Sure, sure. Look, kid -- I put in a good word for you with Sheldrake, in Personnel. Mr. Sheldrake? +Mr. Sheldrake? That's right. We were discussing our department -- manpower-wise -- and promotion-wise -- -- and I told him what a bright boy you were. They're always on the lookout for young executives. BUD Thank you, Mr. Kirkeby. +That's right. We were discussing our department -- manpower-wise -- and promotion-wise -- -- and I told him what a bright boy you were. They're always on the lookout for young executives. BUD Thank you, Mr. Kirkeby. You're on your way up, Buddy-boy. And you're practically out of liquor. +You're on your way up, Buddy-boy. And you're practically out of liquor. I know. Mr. Eichelberger -- in the Mortgage Loan Department -- last night he had a little Halloween party here -- +I know. Mr. Eichelberger -- in the Mortgage Loan Department -- last night he had a little Halloween party here -- Well, lay in some vodka and some vermouth -- and put my name on it. +Well, lay in some vodka and some vermouth -- and put my name on it. Yes, Mr. Kirkeby. You still owe me for the last two bottles -- +Yes, Mr. Kirkeby. You still owe me for the last two bottles -- I'll pay you on Friday. And whatever happened to those little cheese crackers you used to have around? +Good morning, Mr. Kirkeby. Oh, how are you, Baxter. They keeping you busy these days? +Oh, how are you, Baxter. They keeping you busy these days? Yes, sir. They are indeed. +That Kubelik -- boy! Would I like to get her on a slow elevator to China. Oh, yes. She's the best operator in the building. +Oh, yes. She's the best operator in the building. I'm a pretty good operator myself -- but she just won't give me a tumble -- date-wise. +I'm a pretty good operator myself -- but she just won't give me a tumble -- date-wise. Maybe you're using the wrong approach. +Maybe you're using the wrong approach. A lot of guys around here have tried it -- all kinds of approaches -- no dice. What is she trying to prove? +A lot of guys around here have tried it -- all kinds of approaches -- no dice. What is she trying to prove? Could be she's just a nice, respectable girl -- there are millions of them. +Could be she's just a nice, respectable girl -- there are millions of them. Listen to him. Little Lord Fauntleroy! +Hello? Yeah, Baxter. What's up? Instead of Friday -- could you possibly switch to Thursday? You'd be doing me a great favor -- +Instead of Friday -- could you possibly switch to Thursday? You'd be doing me a great favor -- Well -- it's all right with me, Bud. Let me check. I'll get back to you. +Baxter, we're a little disappointed in you -- gratitude-wise. Oh, I'm very grateful. +So long, Baxter. We know you won't let us down. So long, fellas. Drop in any time. The door is always open -- to my office. +Hi, Baxter. What do you want? +What do you want? What do I -- ? Just a minute. +You can't come in. What's the matter with you, Buddy- boy? I made a reservation for four o'clock, remember? +Look, you can't stay here. Just take your champagne and go. Baxter, I don't want to pull rank on you -- but I told the lady it was all set -- you want to make a liar out of me? +Baxter, I don't want to pull rank on you -- but I told the lady it was all set -- you want to make a liar out of me? Are you going to leave, Mr. Kirkeby, or do I have to throw you out? +Buddy-boy, why didn't you say so? You got yourself a little playmate, huh? Now will you get out? +Say, why don't we have ourselves a party -- the four of us? No! +Hiya, Buddy-boy. I'm in this bar on Sixty-first Street -- and I got to thinking about you -- and I figured I'd give you a little buzz. Well, that's very nice of you -- but who is this? +Well, that's very nice of you -- but who is this? Dobisch -- Joe Dobisch, in Administration. +Dobisch -- Joe Dobisch, in Administration. Oh, yes, Mr. Dobisch. I didn't recognize your voice -- +Oh, yes, Mr. Dobisch. I didn't recognize your voice -- That's okay, Buddy-boy. Now like I was saying, I'm in this joint on Sixty-first -- and I think I got lucky -- -- she's a skater with the Ice Show -- -- and I thought maybe I could bring her up for a quiet drink. +That's okay, Buddy-boy. Now like I was saying, I'm in this joint on Sixty-first -- and I think I got lucky -- -- she's a skater with the Ice Show -- -- and I thought maybe I could bring her up for a quiet drink. I'm sorry, Mr. Dobisch. You know I like to help you guys out -- but it's sort of late -- so why don't we make it some other time? +I'm sorry, Mr. Dobisch. You know I like to help you guys out -- but it's sort of late -- so why don't we make it some other time? Buddy-boy -- she won't keep that long -- not even on ice. Listen, kid, I can't pass this up -- she looks like Marilyn Monroe. +Buddy-boy -- she won't keep that long -- not even on ice. Listen, kid, I can't pass this up -- she looks like Marilyn Monroe. I don't care if it is Marilyn Monroe -- I'm already in bed -- and I've taken a sleeping pill -- so I'm afraid the answer is no. +I don't care if it is Marilyn Monroe -- I'm already in bed -- and I've taken a sleeping pill -- so I'm afraid the answer is no. Look, Baxter -- we're making out the monthly efficiency rating -- and I'm putting you in the top ten. Now you don't want to louse yourself up, do you? +Look, Baxter -- we're making out the monthly efficiency rating -- and I'm putting you in the top ten. Now you don't want to louse yourself up, do you? Of course not. But -- how can I be efficient in the office if I don't get enough sleep at night? +Of course not. But -- how can I be efficient in the office if I don't get enough sleep at night? It's only eleven -- and I just want the place for forty-five minutes. +Make it thirty minutes. What do you say, Bud? I'm all out of liquor -- and there's no clean glasses -- no cheese crackers -- no nothing. +I'm all out of liquor -- and there's no clean glasses -- no cheese crackers -- no nothing. Let me worry about that. Just leave the key under the mat and clear out. +Let me worry about that. Just leave the key under the mat and clear out. Yes, Mr. Dobisch. +Oh, Buddy-boy. I was just about to call you. I'm sorry about that mess on the living room wall. You see, my little friend, she kept insisting Picasso was a bum -- so she started to do that mural -- but I'm sure it will wash off -- just eyebrow pencil. It's not Picasso I'm calling about. It's the key -- to my apartment -- you were supposed to leave it under the mat. +It's not Picasso I'm calling about. It's the key -- to my apartment -- you were supposed to leave it under the mat. I did, didn't I? I distinctly remember bending over and putting it there -- +I did, didn't I? I distinctly remember bending over and putting it there -- Oh, I found a key there, all right -- only it's the wrong key. +Oh, I found a key there, all right -- only it's the wrong key. It is? Well, how about that? No wonder I couldn't get into the executive washroom this morning. +It is? Well, how about that? No wonder I couldn't get into the executive washroom this morning. And I couldn't get into my apartment -- so at four a. m. I had to wake up the landlady and give her a whole song and dance about going out to mail a letter and the door slamming shut. +And I couldn't get into my apartment -- so at four a. m. I had to wake up the landlady and give her a whole song and dance about going out to mail a letter and the door slamming shut. That's a shame. I'll send the key right down. And about your promotion -- -- I'm sending that efficiency report right up to Mr. Sheldrake, in Personnel. I wouldn't be surprised if you heard from him before the day is over. +That's a shame. I'll send the key right down. And about your promotion -- -- I'm sending that efficiency report right up to Mr. Sheldrake, in Personnel. I wouldn't be surprised if you heard from him before the day is over. Thank you, Mr. Dobisch. +Teamwork -- that's what counts in an organization like this. All for one and one for all -- know what I mean? I have a vague idea. +We went to bat for you -- and now you won't play ball with us. Well, after all, it's my apartment -- it's private property -- it's not a public playground. +I sympathize with your problem -- and believe me, I'm very sorry -- You'll be a lot sorrier before we're through with you. +You'll be a lot sorrier before we're through with you. You threatening me? +You threatening me? Listen, Baxter, we made you and we can break you. +Dear Mr. MacIntosh -- Vanderhof, Public Relations. Oh, yes, Baxter. Just a minute. All right, Miss Finch -- type up what we got so far. Now what is it, Baxter? Look, Mr. Vanderhof -- I've got you down here for tonight -- but I'm going to be using the place myself -- so I'll have to cancel. +Look, Mr. Vanderhof -- I've got you down here for tonight -- but I'm going to be using the place myself -- so I'll have to cancel. Cancel? But it's her birthday -- I already ordered the cake -- +Cancel? But it's her birthday -- I already ordered the cake -- I hate to disappoint you -- I mean, many happy returns -- but not tonight -- +I hate to disappoint you -- I mean, many happy returns -- but not tonight -- That's not like you, Baxter. Just the other day, at the staff meeting, I was telling Mr. Sheldrake what a reliable man you were. +That's not like you, Baxter. Just the other day, at the staff meeting, I was telling Mr. Sheldrake what a reliable man you were. Thank you, Mr. Vanderhof. But I'm sick -- I have this terrible cold -- and a fever -- and I got to go to bed right after work. +Thank you, Mr. Vanderhof. But I'm sick -- I have this terrible cold -- and a fever -- and I got to go to bed right after work. Buddy-boy, that's the worst thing you can do. If you got a cold, you should go to a Turkish bath -- spend the night there -- sweat it out -- +Buddy-boy, that's the worst thing you can do. If you got a cold, you should go to a Turkish bath -- spend the night there -- sweat it out -- Oh, no. I'd get pneumonia -- and if I got pneumonia, I'd be in bed for a month -- and if I were in bed for a month -- +Oh, no. I'd get pneumonia -- and if I got pneumonia, I'd be in bed for a month -- and if I were in bed for a month -- Okay, you made your point. We'll just have to do it next Wednesday -- that's the only night of the week I can get away. +Okay, you made your point. We'll just have to do it next Wednesday -- that's the only night of the week I can get away. Wednesday -- Wednesday -- I got somebody penciled in -- let me see what I can do -- I'll get back to you. +Quite an office -- name on the door -- rug on the floor -- the whole schmear. Yeah. +Good evening, Baxter. Hi, Doc. Had a late call? +Hi, Doc. Had a late call? Yeah. Some clown at Schrafft's 57th Street ate a club sandwich, and forgot to take out the toothpick. +Yeah. Some clown at Schrafft's 57th Street ate a club sandwich, and forgot to take out the toothpick. Oh. 'Bye, Doc. +Oh. 'Bye, Doc. Say, Baxter -- the way you're belting that stuff, you must have a pair of cast-iron kidneys. +Say, Baxter -- the way you're belting that stuff, you must have a pair of cast-iron kidneys. Oh, that's not me. It's just that once in a while, I have some people in for a drink. +Oh, that's not me. It's just that once in a while, I have some people in for a drink. As a matter of fact, you must be an iron man all around. From what I hear through the walls, you got something going for you every night. +As a matter of fact, you must be an iron man all around. From what I hear through the walls, you got something going for you every night. I'm sorry if it gets noisy -- +I'm sorry if it gets noisy -- Sometimes, there's a twi-night double-header. A nebbish like you! +Sometimes, there's a twi-night double-header. A nebbish like you! Yeah. Well -- see you, Doc. +You know, Baxter -- I'm doing some research at the Columbia Medical Center -- and I wonder if you could do us a favor? Me? +Me? When you make out your will -- and the way you're going, you should -- would you mind leaving your body to the University? +When you make out your will -- and the way you're going, you should -- would you mind leaving your body to the University? My body? I'm afraid you guys would be disappointed. Good night, Doc. +My body? I'm afraid you guys would be disappointed. Good night, Doc. Slow down, kid. +There's a girl in my place -- she took some sleeping pills -- you better come quick -- I can't wake her up. Let me get my bag. +She going to be all right, Doc? How many pills were in that bottle? +How many pills were in that bottle? It was half-full -- about a dozen or so. You going to have to take her to the hospital? +What are you going to do, Doc? Get that stuff out of her stomach -- if it isn't too late. You better put some coffee on -- and pray. +Want to tell me what happened? I don't know -- I mean -- I wasn't here -- you see -- we had some words earlier -- nothing serious, really -- what you might call a lovers' quarrel -- +I don't know -- I mean -- I wasn't here -- you see -- we had some words earlier -- nothing serious, really -- what you might call a lovers' quarrel -- So you went right out and picked yourself up another dame. +So you went right out and picked yourself up another dame. Something like that. +Something like that. You know, Baxter, you're a real cutie-pie -- yes, you are. +What's her name? Miss Kubelik -- Fran. +Miss Kubelik -- Fran. Fran, I'm a doctor. I'm here because you took too many sleeping pills. Do you understand what I'm saying? Fran, I'm Dr. Dreyfuss -- I'm here to help you. You took all those sleeping pills -- remember? +Hello, Miss Kubelik. Mister -- Miss -- such politeness! +Mister -- Miss -- such politeness! Well -- we work in the same building -- and we try to keep it quiet -- +She'll sleep on and off for the next twenty-four hours. Of course, she'll have a dandy hangover when she wakes up -- Just as long as she's okay. +Just as long as she's okay. These cases are harder on the doctor than on the patient. I ought to charge you by the mile. +Any of that coffee left? Sure. +How do you spell her last name? Kubelik -- with two k's. +Kubelik -- with two k's. What's her address? Where does she live? +Why do you want to know, Doc? You don't have to report this, do you? It's regulations. +It's regulations. She didn't mean it, Doc -- it was an accident -- she had a little too much to drink and -- she didn't know what she was doing -- there was no suicide note or anything -- believe me, Doc, I'm not thinking about myself -- +She didn't mean it, Doc -- it was an accident -- she had a little too much to drink and -- she didn't know what she was doing -- there was no suicide note or anything -- believe me, Doc, I'm not thinking about myself -- Aren't you? +Aren't you? It's just that she's got a family -- and there's the people in the office -- look, Doc, can't you forget you're a doctor -- let's just say you're here as a neighbor -- +It's just that she's got a family -- and there's the people in the office -- look, Doc, can't you forget you're a doctor -- let's just say you're here as a neighbor -- Well, as a doctor, I guess I can't prove it wasn't an accident. But as your neighbor, I'd like to kick your keester clear around the block. Mind if I cool this off? +Help yourself. I don't know what you did to that girl in there -- and don't tell me -- but it was bound to happen, the way you carry on. Live now, pay later. Diner's Club! Why don't you grow up, Baxter? Be a mensch! You know what that means? +I don't know what you did to that girl in there -- and don't tell me -- but it was bound to happen, the way you carry on. Live now, pay later. Diner's Club! Why don't you grow up, Baxter? Be a mensch! You know what that means? I'm not sure. +I'm not sure. A mansch -- a human being! So you got off easy this time -- so you were lucky -- +A mansch -- a human being! So you got off easy this time -- so you were lucky -- Yeah, wasn't I? +Yeah, wasn't I? But you're not out of the woods yet, Baxter -- because most of them try it again! You know where I am if you need me. +How's the patient? Oh, I'm fine, Doc. +Oh, I'm fine, Doc. Not you -- Miss Kubelik. +Say, Baxter -- we're having a little party and we ran out of ice -- so I was wondering -- Sure, Doc. +Sure, Doc. How come you're alone on New Year's Eve? +How come you're alone on New Year's Eve? Well, I have things to do -- +Well, I have things to do -- What's this -- you packing? +What's this -- you packing? Yeah -- I'm giving up the apartment. +Where are you moving to? I don't know. All I know is I got to get out of this place. +I don't know. All I know is I got to get out of this place. Sorry to lose you, Baxter. +Sorry to lose you, Baxter. Me? Oh, you mean my body. Don't worry, Doc -- it'll go to the University -- I'll put it in writing -- +Can you use a bottle of champagne? Booze we don't need. Why don't you join us, Baxter? We got two brain surgeons, an ear, nose and throat specialist, a proctologist, and three nurses from Bellevue. +Booze we don't need. Why don't you join us, Baxter? We got two brain surgeons, an ear, nose and throat specialist, a proctologist, and three nurses from Bellevue. No, thanks -- I don't feel like it. Look, Doc -- in case I don't see you again -- how much do I owe you for taking care of that girl? +No, thanks -- I don't feel like it. Look, Doc -- in case I don't see you again -- how much do I owe you for taking care of that girl? Forget it -- I didn't do it as a doctor -- I did it as a neighbor. By the way, whatever happened to her? +Forget it -- I didn't do it as a doctor -- I did it as a neighbor. By the way, whatever happened to her? You know me with girls. Easy come, easy go. Goodbye, Doc. +You know me with girls. Easy come, easy go. Goodbye, Doc. Happy New Year. +You like Castro? I mean -- how do you feel about Castro? BUD What is Castro? You know, that big-shot down in Cuba with the crazy beard. +You know, that big-shot down in Cuba with the crazy beard. What about him? +What about him? Because as far as I'm concerned, he's a no good fink. Two weeks ago I wrote him a letter -- never even answered me. +Because as far as I'm concerned, he's a no good fink. Two weeks ago I wrote him a letter -- never even answered me. That so. +That so. All I wanted him to do was let Mickey out for Christmas. +All I wanted him to do was let Mickey out for Christmas. Who is Mickey? +Who is Mickey? My husband. He's in Havana -- in jail. +My husband. He's in Havana -- in jail. Oh. Mixed up in that revolution? +Oh. Mixed up in that revolution? Mickey? He wouldn't do nothing like that. He's a jockey. They caught him doping a horse. +Mickey? He wouldn't do nothing like that. He's a jockey. They caught him doping a horse. Well, you can't win 'em all. +'Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house Not a creature was stirring -- Nothing -- No action -- Dullsville! You married? No. +No. Family? +Family? No. +No. A night like this, it sort of spooks you to walk into an empty apartment. +A night like this, it sort of spooks you to walk into an empty apartment. I said I had no family -- I didn't say I had an empty apartment. +Where do we go -- my place or yours? Might as well go to mine -- everybody else does. +Poor Mickey -- when I think of him all by himself in that jail in Havana -- -- want to see his picture? Not particularly. +Can I ask you a personal question? No. +No. You got a girl-friend? +You got a girl-friend? She may be a girl -- but she's no friend of mine. +She may be a girl -- but she's no friend of mine. Still stuck on her, huh. +Still stuck on her, huh. Stuck on her! Obviously, you don't know me very well. +Stuck on her! Obviously, you don't know me very well. I don't know you at all. BUD Permit me -- C.C. Baxter -- junior executive, Arthur Murray graduate, lover. +Say, this is Snugsville. Mrs. MacDougall, I think it is only fair to warn you that you are now alone with a notorious sexpot. +Mrs. MacDougall, I think it is only fair to warn you that you are now alone with a notorious sexpot. No kidding. +No kidding. Ask anybody around here. As a matter of fact, when it's time for me to go -- and I may go just like that -- -- I have promised my body to the Columbia Medical Center. +Ask anybody around here. As a matter of fact, when it's time for me to go -- and I may go just like that -- -- I have promised my body to the Columbia Medical Center. Gee. Sort of gives you goose-bumps just to think about it. +Gee. Sort of gives you goose-bumps just to think about it. Well, they haven't got me yet, baby. Dig up some ice from the kitchen and let's not waste any time -- preliminary-wise. +Well, they haven't got me yet, baby. Dig up some ice from the kitchen and let's not waste any time -- preliminary-wise. I'm with you, lover. +Not so rough, honey. Good night. +Good night. Good night? +Good night? The party's over. +The party's over. What's the matter? Did I do something wrong? +What's the matter? Did I do something wrong? It's an emergency -- see you some other time. +Say, what's going on here, anyway? Nothing. Just clear out, will you? +Nothing. Just clear out, will you? My shoes. +Here -- find yourself a phone booth and call your husband in Havana. You bet I will. And when I tell him how you treated me, he'll push your face in. You fink! +-- so yesterday afternoon I take Sylvia up to the apartment, and guess who he's got stashed away in the bedroom? Who? +Who? Kubelik. +Kubelik. No kidding. Buddy-boy and Kubelik having themselves a little toot! +No kidding. Buddy-boy and Kubelik having themselves a little toot! Toot? It's more like a lost weekend. Neither of them showed up for work today. +Toot? It's more like a lost weekend. Neither of them showed up for work today. A.W.O.L.? +A.W.O.L.? What gripes me is the two of them were guzzling my champagne while Sylvia and I wound up at the Guggenheim Museum. +I see. What do you think, Al? Can we help the man? Why not? We don't owe Buddy-boy anything. +Why not? We don't owe Buddy-boy anything. Yeah. What's Buddy-boy done for us lately? +Hi, Buddy-boy. What happened to you? Hit by a swinging door? Or maybe a Yellow Cab? +That guy really must've belted him. Yeah, he's punchy. Talking to himself. +Sleeping pills. That's right, Fran. And I'm a doctor. +That's right, Fran. And I'm a doctor. Doctor. +Doctor. Dr. Dreyfuss. +Dr. Dreyfuss. Dreyfuss. +Dreyfuss. Get more coffee. +Tell me again -- what's my name? Dr. Dreyfuss. +Dr. Dreyfuss. And what happened to you? +And what happened to you? I took sleeping pills. +I took sleeping pills. Do you know where you are, Fran? +Do you know where you are, Fran? No. +No. Yes, you do. Now concentrate. +Yes, you do. Now concentrate. I don't know. +Do you know who this is? Look at him. Mr. Baxter -- nineteenth floor. +Please -- just let me sleep. You can't sleep. Come on, Fran -- open your eyes. Let's get her walking. We've got to keep her awake for the next couple of hours. +What's with you, Fran -- did you forget where you live? This is my brother-in-law, Karl Matuschka. +What for? Because I took some sleeping pills. But I'm all right now -- so let's go. +Because I took some sleeping pills. But I'm all right now -- so let's go. Why did you take sleeping pills? +You fool -- you damn fool. Come on, Fran. +Come on, Fran. Goodbye, Mr. Baxter. +Hi. How's the branch manager from Kansas City? I beg your pardon? MISS OLSEN I'm Miss Olsen -- Mr. Sheldrake's secretary. +I beg your pardon? MISS OLSEN I'm Miss Olsen -- Mr. Sheldrake's secretary. Yes, I know. +Yes, I know. So you don't have to play innocent with me. He used to tell his wife that I was the branch manager from Seattle -- four years ago when we were having a little ring-a-ding- ding. +So you don't have to play innocent with me. He used to tell his wife that I was the branch manager from Seattle -- four years ago when we were having a little ring-a-ding- ding. I don't know what you're talking about. +I don't know what you're talking about. And before me there was Miss Rossi in Auditing -- and after me there was Miss Koch in Disability -- and just before you there was Miss What's-Her-Name, on the twenty- fifth floor -- +And before me there was Miss Rossi in Auditing -- and after me there was Miss Koch in Disability -- and just before you there was Miss What's-Her-Name, on the twenty- fifth floor -- Will you excuse me? +Will you excuse me? What for? You haven't done anything -- it's him -- what a salesman -- always the last booth in the Chinese restaurant -- and the same pitch about divorcing his wife -- and in the end you wind up with egg foo yong on your face. +Well -- thank you. Always happy to do something for our girls in uniform. +Still afraid somebody may see us together? Let me take that. +Let me take that. No, Jeff. I can't stay very long. Can I have a frozen daiquiri? +No, Jeff. I can't stay very long. Can I have a frozen daiquiri? It's on the way. I see you went ahead and cut your hair. +It's on the way. I see you went ahead and cut your hair. That's right. +That's right. You know I liked it better long. +You know I liked it better long. Yes, I know. You want a lock to carry in your wallet? +How long has it been -- a month? Six weeks. But who's counting? +Six weeks. But who's counting? I missed you, Fran. +I missed you, Fran. Like old times. Same booth, same song -- +Like old times. Same booth, same song -- It's been hell. +It's been hell. -- same sauce -- sweet and sour. +-- same sauce -- sweet and sour. You don't know what it's like -- standing next to you in that elevator, day after day -- Good morning, Miss Kubelik -- Good night, Mr. Sheldrake -- I'm still crazy about you, Fran. +You don't know what it's like -- standing next to you in that elevator, day after day -- Good morning, Miss Kubelik -- Good night, Mr. Sheldrake -- I'm still crazy about you, Fran. Let's not start on that again, Jeff -- please. I'm just beginning to get over it. +Let's not start on that again, Jeff -- please. I'm just beginning to get over it. I don't believe you. +I don't believe you. Look, Jeff -- we had two wonderful months this summer -- and that was it. Happens all the time -- the wife and kids go away to the country, and the boss has a fling with the secretary or the manicurist -- or the elevator girl. Comes September, the picnic is over -- goodbye. The kids go back to school, the boss goes back to the wife, and the girl -- They don't make these shrimp like they used to. +Look, Jeff -- we had two wonderful months this summer -- and that was it. Happens all the time -- the wife and kids go away to the country, and the boss has a fling with the secretary or the manicurist -- or the elevator girl. Comes September, the picnic is over -- goodbye. The kids go back to school, the boss goes back to the wife, and the girl -- They don't make these shrimp like they used to. I never said goodbye, Fran. +I never said goodbye, Fran. For a while there, you try kidding yourself that you're going with an unmarried man. Then one day he keeps looking at his watch, and asks you if there's any lipstick showing, then rushes off to catch the seven-fourteen to White Plains. So you fix yourself a cup of instant coffee -- and you sit there by yourself -- and you think -- and it all begins to look so ugly -- +How do you think I felt -- riding home on that seven-fourteen train? Why do you keep calling me, Jeff? What do you want from me? +Why do you keep calling me, Jeff? What do you want from me? I want you back, Fran. +I want you back, Fran. Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake -- I'm full up. You'll have to take the next elevator. +Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake -- I'm full up. You'll have to take the next elevator. You're not giving me a chance, Fran. I asked you to meet me because -- I have something to tell you. FRAN Go ahead -- tell me. +You're not giving me a chance, Fran. I asked you to meet me because -- I have something to tell you. FRAN Go ahead -- tell me. Not here, Fran. Can't we go some place else? +Not here, Fran. Can't we go some place else? No. I have a date at eight-thirty. +No. I have a date at eight-thirty. Important? +Important? Not very -- but I'm going to be there anyway. +Fran -- remember that last weekend we had? Do I. That leaky little boat you rented -- and me in a black negligee and a life preserver -- +Do I. That leaky little boat you rented -- and me in a black negligee and a life preserver -- Remember what we talked about? +Remember what we talked about? We talked about a lot of things. +We talked about a lot of things. I mean -- about my getting a divorce. +I mean -- about my getting a divorce. We didn't talk about it -- you did. +We didn't talk about it -- you did. You didn't really believe me, did you? +You didn't really believe me, did you? They got it an a long playing record now - Music to String Her Along By. My wife doesn't understand me -- We haven't gotten along for years -- You're the best thing that ever happened to me -- +They got it an a long playing record now - Music to String Her Along By. My wife doesn't understand me -- We haven't gotten along for years -- You're the best thing that ever happened to me -- That's enough, Fran. +That's enough, Fran. Just trust me, baby -- we'll work it out somehow -- +Just trust me, baby -- we'll work it out somehow -- You're not being funny. +You're not being funny. I wasn't trying. +I wasn't trying. If you'll just listen to me for a minute -- +If you'll just listen to me for a minute -- Okay. I'm sorry. +Okay. I'm sorry. I saw my lawyer this morning -- I wanted his advice -- about the best way to handle it -- +I saw my lawyer this morning -- I wanted his advice -- about the best way to handle it -- Handle what? +Handle what? What do you think? +What do you think? Let's get something straight, Jeff -- I never asked you to leave your wife. +Let's get something straight, Jeff -- I never asked you to leave your wife. Of course not. You had nothing to do with it. +Of course not. You had nothing to do with it. Are you sure that's what you want? +Are you sure that's what you want? I'm sure. If you'll just tell me that you still love me -- +I'm sure. If you'll just tell me that you still love me -- You know I do. +You know I do. Fran -- +I have that date -- remember? I love you -- remember? +Where are we going, Jeff? Not back to that leaky boat -- I promise. +"Come on, Fran -- don't be like that. You just going to sit there and keep bawling? You won't talk to me, you won't tell me what's wrong -- Look, I know you think I'm stalling you. But when you've been married to a woman for twelve years, you don't just sit down at the breakfast table and say ""Pass the sugar -- and I want a divorce."" It's not that easy. Anyway, this is the wrong time. The kids are home from school -- my in- laws are visiting for the holidays -- I can't bring it up now. This isn't like you, Fran -- you were always such a good sport -- such fun to be with --" Yeah -- that's me. The Happy Idiot -- a million laughs. +Yeah -- that's me. The Happy Idiot -- a million laughs. Well, that's more like it. At least you're speaking to me. +Well, that's more like it. At least you're speaking to me. Funny thing happened to me at the office party today -- I ran into your secretary -- Miss Olsen. You know -- ring-a-ding-ding? I laughed so much I like to died. +Funny thing happened to me at the office party today -- I ran into your secretary -- Miss Olsen. You know -- ring-a-ding-ding? I laughed so much I like to died. Is that what's been bothering you -- Miss Olsen? That's ancient history. +Is that what's been bothering you -- Miss Olsen? That's ancient history. I was never very good at history. Let me see -- there was Miss Olsen, and then there was Miss Rossi -- no, she came before -- it was Miss Koch who came after Miss Olsen -- +I was never very good at history. Let me see -- there was Miss Olsen, and then there was Miss Rossi -- no, she came before -- it was Miss Koch who came after Miss Olsen -- Now, Fran -- +Now, Fran -- And just think -- right now there's some lucky girl in the building who's going to come after me -- +And just think -- right now there's some lucky girl in the building who's going to come after me -- Okay, okay, Fran. I deserve that. But just ask yourself -- why does a man run around with a lot of girls? Because he's unhappy at home -- because he's lonely, that's why -- all that was before you, Fran -- I've stopped running. +How could I be so stupid? You'd think I would have learned by now -- when you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara. It's Christmas Eve, Fran -- let's not fight. +It's Christmas Eve, Fran -- let's not fight. Merry Christmas. +Oh. Our friend from the Chinese restaurant. Thanks, Fran. We better keep it here. Yeah, we better. +Yeah, we better. I have a present for you. I didn't quite know what to get you -- anyway it's a little awkward for me, shopping -- -- so here's a hundred dollars -- go out and buy yourself something. +Okay. I just thought as long as it was paid for -- Don't ever talk like that, Fran! Don't make yourself out to be cheap. +Don't ever talk like that, Fran! Don't make yourself out to be cheap. A hundred dollars? I wouldn't call that cheap. And you must be paying somebody something for the use of the apartment -- +A hundred dollars? I wouldn't call that cheap. And you must be paying somebody something for the use of the apartment -- Stop that, Fran. +Stop that, Fran. You'll miss your train, Jeff. +Coming? You run along -- I want to fix my face. +You run along -- I want to fix my face. Don't forget to kill the lights. See you Monday. +Don't forget to kill the lights. See you Monday. Sure. Monday and Thursday -- and Monday again -- and Thursday again -- +Sure. Monday and Thursday -- and Monday again -- and Thursday again -- It won't always be like this. I love you, Fran. +Hello, Jeff. Yes, I'm all right. Fran, why did you do it? It's so childish -- and it never solves anything -- I ought to be very angry with you, scaring me like that -- but let's forget the whole thing -- pretend it never happened -- what do you say, Fran? Fran -- +Are you there, Fran? Of course I'm not here -- because the whole thing never happened -- I never took those pills -- I never loved you -- we never even met -- isn't that the way you want it? +Of course I'm not here -- because the whole thing never happened -- I never took those pills -- I never loved you -- we never even met -- isn't that the way you want it? There you go again -- you know I didn't mean it that way, Fran. Just get well -- do what the nurse tells you -- I mean Baxter -- and I'll see you as soon as I can. Bye, Fran. +Sorry it took me so long on the phone. But we're all set. All set for what? +All set for what? I rented a car -- it's going to be here at one o'clock -- we're driving to Atlantic City. +I rented a car -- it's going to be here at one o'clock -- we're driving to Atlantic City. Atlantic City? +Atlantic City? I know it's a drag -- but you can't find a hotel room in town -- not on New Year's Eve. +I know it's a drag -- but you can't find a hotel room in town -- not on New Year's Eve. Ring out the old year, ring in the new. Ring-a-ding-ding. +Ring out the old year, ring in the new. Ring-a-ding-ding. I didn't plan it this way, Fran -- actually, it's all Baxter's fault. +I didn't plan it this way, Fran -- actually, it's all Baxter's fault. Baxter? +Baxter? He wouldn't give me the key to the apartment. +He wouldn't give me the key to the apartment. He wouldn't. +He wouldn't. Just walked out on me -- quit -- threw that big fat job right in my face. +Just walked out on me -- quit -- threw that big fat job right in my face. The nerve. +The nerve. That little punk -- after all I did for him! He said I couldn't bring anybody to his apartment -- especially not Miss Kubelik. What's he got against you, anyway? +That little punk -- after all I did for him! He said I couldn't bring anybody to his apartment -- especially not Miss Kubelik. What's he got against you, anyway? I don't know. I guess that's the way it crumbles -- cookie-wise. +I don't know. I guess that's the way it crumbles -- cookie-wise. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I'd spell it out for you -- only I can't spell. +Please, Sylvia! It's a quarter to nine! First you can't wait to get me up here, and now -- rush, rush, rush! Makes a person feel cheap. +First you can't wait to get me up here, and now -- rush, rush, rush! Makes a person feel cheap. Sylvia -- sweetie -- it's not that -- but I promised the guy I'd be out of here by eight o'clock, positively. +Sylvia -- sweetie -- it's not that -- but I promised the guy I'd be out of here by eight o'clock, positively. What guy? Whose apartment is this, anyway? +What guy? Whose apartment is this, anyway? What's the difference? Some schnook that works in the office. +Some setup you got here. A real, honest-to-goodness love nest. Sssssh. +You got to watch those things. Wives are getting smarter all the time. Take Mr. Bernheim -- in the Claims Department -- came home one night with lipstick on his shirt -- told his wife he had a shrimp cocktail for lunch -- so she took it out to the lab and had it analyzed -- so now she has the house in Great Neck and the children and the new Jaguar -- Don't you ever stop talking? +Where do you live? I told you -- with my mother. +I told you -- with my mother. Where does she live? +Where does she live? A hundred and seventy-ninth street -- the Bronx. +A hundred and seventy-ninth street -- the Bronx. All right -- I'll take you to the subway. +All right -- I'll take you to the subway. Like hell you will. You'll buy me a cab. +Like hell you will. You'll buy me a cab. Why do all you dames have to live in the Bronx? +Why do all you dames have to live in the Bronx? You mean you bring other girls up here? +You mean you bring other girls up here? Certainly not. I'm a happily married man. +Yes? Oh, hello -- sure I got home all right -- you owe me forty-five cents. Okay, okay. Look, Sylvia -- instead of Friday - could we make it Thursday night? +Okay, okay. Look, Sylvia -- instead of Friday - could we make it Thursday night? Thursday? That's The Untouchables -- with Bob Stack. +Thursday? That's The Untouchables -- with Bob Stack. Bob WHO? -- all right, so we'll watch it at the apartment. Big deal. Baxter? It's okay for Thursday. +Stay with it, Buddy-boy! Come on, Sylvia. What gives? +What gives? A little mixup in signals. Let's go. +A little mixup in signals. Let's go. Go where? +Go where? What's your mother doing this afternoon? +What's your mother doing this afternoon? She's home -- stuffing a turkey. +She's home -- stuffing a turkey. Why don't we send her to a movie -- like Ben-Hur? +Why don't we send her to a movie -- like Ben-Hur? That's fine. But what are we going to do about grandma and Uncle Herman and Aunt Sophie and my two nieces -- +Did you have a nice Christmas? Lovely. You were a big help. +Lovely. You were a big help. Me? SHELDRAKE Thank you for giving that little pep talk to Miss Kubelik at the office party. +Me? SHELDRAKE Thank you for giving that little pep talk to Miss Kubelik at the office party. I'm sorry, Jeff. You know I could never hold my liquor -- +I'm sorry, Jeff. You know I could never hold my liquor -- But I thought you could hold your tongue. +But I thought you could hold your tongue. It won't happen again. +It won't happen again. You bet it won't. I'll arrange for you to get a month's severance pay -- That's right, Miss Olsen. I'm letting you go. +You bet it won't. I'll arrange for you to get a month's severance pay -- That's right, Miss Olsen. I'm letting you go. You let me go four years ago, Jeff. Only you were cruel enough to make me sit out there and watch the new models pass by. +You let me go four years ago, Jeff. Only you were cruel enough to make me sit out there and watch the new models pass by. I'd appreciate it if you'd be out of here as soon as you can. +I'd appreciate it if you'd be out of here as soon as you can. Yes, Mr. Sheldrake. +Hey, Dad -- why don't we put a fly in the nose cone and see if we can bring it back alive? It's a thought. +It's a thought. Maybe we should send up two flies -- and see if they'll propagate in orbit. +Maybe we should send up two flies -- and see if they'll propagate in orbit. See if they'll what? +See if they'll what? Propagate -- you know, multiply -- baby flies? +Propagate -- you know, multiply -- baby flies? Oh -- oh! +You came in on that boat, didn't you? Yeah -- +Yeah -- Where are you headed? +Where are you headed? What's it matter? Get to the point. +What's it matter? Get to the point. Look -- you know the girls -- Thta's Terri -- she was playmate of -- +Look -- you know the girls -- Thta's Terri -- she was playmate of -- Yeah, I caught your show at Hau Fat. +Oh -- I see -- Well, girls, this is Captain -- eh -- Captain Willard -- go ahead. +Captain Willard -- go ahead. Look -- we got in a little trouble -- they rudely took our helicopter for MedEvac work on this -- uh Operation Brute Force -- They just brought it back this morning. +Look -- we got in a little trouble -- they rudely took our helicopter for MedEvac work on this -- uh Operation Brute Force -- They just brought it back this morning. Yeah. +Yeah. Well I mean like they also took our fuel -- We've been here two days. +Well I mean like they also took our fuel -- We've been here two days. Dreadful. +Dreadful. Look -- the girls could get killed -- we're not supposed to be this close combat, I mean real combat. +Look -- the girls could get killed -- we're not supposed to be this close combat, I mean real combat. Well -- +Well -- We could use some fuel -- just a half drum -- just enough to get us out a here. +We could use some fuel -- just a half drum -- just enough to get us out a here. We need all our fuel. +Look -- you know who that is, Captain -- you know what she's saying -- you'll never see stuff that good outside of a magazine for the rest of your life. I'm not that fond of blondes -- maybe I like brunettes -- +I'm not that fond of blondes -- maybe I like brunettes -- Take your pick -- they all like you -- I can tell -- +Take your pick -- they all like you -- I can tell -- I like all of them -- +I like all of them -- Good -- like I said, take your pick. +Good -- like I said, take your pick. I said I like all of them. +I said I like all of them. Now just a second -- I'm doing you a favor, buddy -- what're you trying to pull? +We need all our fuel anyway. Wait -- wait -- don't get up tight -- what I meant was we'd need a whole drum for that -- +Wait -- wait -- don't get up tight -- what I meant was we'd need a whole drum for that -- Sit down -- we'll talk about it. +What's there to talk about -- this whole thing disgusts me. My men -- +My men -- What ! +What ! That's what there is to talk about -- my man -- I take a good care of my men -- +You're out of your skull -- We have a lot of pride in our unit -- +We have a lot of pride in our unit -- How far do you think you can push -- what kind of people do you think -- +How far do you think you can push -- what kind of people do you think -- Esprit de corps -- +Esprit de corps -- No -- absolutely not -- +No -- absolutely not -- One for all -- all for one -- +One for all -- all for one -- You can keep your fucking fuel -- +You make some of your closest friends in the army -- war has a way of bringing men together. Get out -- +Get out -- Men of all races -- nationalities -- +Two whole drums -- We can use some fifty caliber and a 16 too -- +We can use some fifty caliber and a 16 too -- I don't know what you're talking about -- Get fucked -- +I don't know what you're talking about -- Get fucked -- I will -- I assure you that -- You got a fifty on that H-34 -- leave the ammo in boxes -- I'll get my men to bring the first drum with 'em -- +We've been attacked. I know, I know, it's all right. Come in this way. It's mined over there. This way. It's all right. +Who the hell are you? Moonby. Got any Winstons? +Moonby. Got any Winstons? Moonby what? +Moonby what? Moonby, 4th battalion, Royal Australian Regiment, Task Force. Ex-Corporal Moonby, deserted. +Moonby, 4th battalion, Royal Australian Regiment, Task Force. Ex-Corporal Moonby, deserted. What is this? +How about a drink ? Sure, thanks. +Winning the war by yourself. Part. +Part. Which part is that ? +Which part is that ? My part. Beer, with ice and water. +That's good gin. I'm sure it is, but I had hepatitis. +I'm sure it is, but I had hepatitis. Delta ? +Delta ? No. +No. North ? +North ? Yeah. Way north. +Yeah. Way north. What unit were you with ? +What unit were you with ? None. +None. Rangers, eh? +Rangers, eh? Sort of. +Were you Longe Range Recon -- No -- I worked too far north for LRRP. +That's quite an array of ribbons... Let's talk about you. +Let's talk about you. I was an FO for the 25th. +I was an FO for the 25th. Tracks ? +Tracks ? Yeah. +Yeah. Fat. That's real fat. +Fat. That's real fat. Sometimes. +Sometimes. At least you always have enough water. How many gallons does each one of those damn things carry ? +At least you always have enough water. How many gallons does each one of those damn things carry ? Thirty -- sometimes fifty. +Thirty -- sometimes fifty. You know, I can remember once, getting back below the DMZ -- and the first Americans we ran into were a track squadron. I just couldn't believe how much water they had. We'd been chewing bamboo shoots for almost a week, and before that, for two weeks, we'd been drinking anything -- rain water, river shit, stuff right out of the paddies. And there were these guys standing by their trucks spilling water all over. I could've killed them. I swear to God I would have, too, if ... +You know, I can remember once, getting back below the DMZ -- and the first Americans we ran into were a track squadron. I just couldn't believe how much water they had. We'd been chewing bamboo shoots for almost a week, and before that, for two weeks, we'd been drinking anything -- rain water, river shit, stuff right out of the paddies. And there were these guys standing by their trucks spilling water all over. I could've killed them. I swear to God I would have, too, if ... I didn't know we had units up there in North Vietnam. +I didn't know we had units up there in North Vietnam. We do. +We do. How long were you up there ? +How long were you up there ? A long time. +A long time. A year ? Waiter another beer. +A year ? Waiter another beer. I go up on missions. Listen Captain, buy me all the beer you want, but you better tell that asshole over there you're not going to find out anymore about me. +Headquarters 11 Corps -- 405th A.S.A Battalion -- S-2 -- Com-Sec -- Intelligence -- Nha Trang. Who are you ? +It's really too much -- I mean I've collected every picture of her since she was Miss December. Yeah -- you can really get hung up on them like the cat in the Delta. +So what happened ? He was working A.R.V.N. patrols and had one a them little cocky gook asshole Lieutenants -- anyhow, the Lieutenant took his new Playboy one day, sat on the end of the dock, and wouldn't give it back. +He was working A.R.V.N. patrols and had one a them little cocky gook asshole Lieutenants -- anyhow, the Lieutenant took his new Playboy one day, sat on the end of the dock, and wouldn't give it back. Yeah -- typical A.R.V.N. +Yeah -- typical A.R.V.N. Then went too far -- he sat there and starts mutilating the centerfold. Poking pins in her an' all that. Sergeant says, don't do her like that. You leave your shitty little hands off that girl. Gook Lieutenant says Fuck you in Vietnamese -- Sergeant says, don't do that again. You'll wish you hadn't. Then he stood up, flicked his iron to rock and roll and gave the little zero a long burst through the Playboy mag. Man, it blew him clean off the dock -- Hell, just the magazine was floatin' there all full of holes. +Holy shit. What did you put in all those ammo boxes? +Arch light. I hate that -- Every time I hear that noise something terrible happens. +Chef. Yes, sir -- +Yes, sir -- Why they call you that? +Why they call you that? Call me what, sir? +Call me what, sir? Chef -- is that 'cause you like mangoes an' stuff? +Chef -- is that 'cause you like mangoes an' stuff? No, sir -- I'm a real chef, sir -- I'm a sauciere -- +No, sir -- I'm a real chef, sir -- I'm a sauciere -- A sauciere -- +A sauciere -- That's right, sir -- I come from New Orleans -- I was raised to be a sauciere.. a great sauciere. We specialize in sauces; my whole family. It's what we do. I was supposed to go to Paris and study at the Escoffier School; I was saving the money. They called me for my physical so I figured the Navy had better food. +That's right, sir -- I come from New Orleans -- I was raised to be a sauciere.. a great sauciere. We specialize in sauces; my whole family. It's what we do. I was supposed to go to Paris and study at the Escoffier School; I was saving the money. They called me for my physical so I figured the Navy had better food. What are you doing out here? +What are you doing out here? Cook school -- that did it. +Cook school -- that did it. How? +How? They lined us all up in front of a hundred yards of prime rib -- magnificent meat, beautifully marbled.. Then they started throwing it in these big cauldrons, all of it -- boiling. I looked in, an' it was turning gray. I couldn't stand it. I went into radio school. +I've arranged with those people we saw at Hau Fat to give us some 50 caliber in trade for a couple a drums of fuel -- No shit. +No shit. Chef -- since you're such a fan of Miss December's I think you should be detailed with Lance and Clean to take the first drum up there. +Chef -- since you're such a fan of Miss December's I think you should be detailed with Lance and Clean to take the first drum up there. I don't believe you -- +What do you see? I don't know. +I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like the goddamn jungle's watching us. Probably is. +Probably is. Whatdoya think it thinks. +Whatdoya think it thinks. That we're dumber than we look. +There's some bad holes, man, and the cracks -- water's coming through the cracks. Food's shot to hell. How much is left? +How much is left? Less than half -- sure is a mess down there. +And the grass? Still got a lot of that stuff from Nha Trang. But we're running low on the other. +That's a light down there -- Yeah, it is. +Charlie? Looks that way. +Looks that way. Who's he? +Who's he? God knows. +Captain -- they've been probed all this week -- Cong and NVA regulars. There's gonna be a big offense any time. I know. +What are we doing here? Kurtz. I'm supposed to kill him, just like he said. +He killed that guy without feeling anything. Not a thing. +Not a thing. When you kill Cong, don't you feel something. +When you kill Cong, don't you feel something. Sure. Recoil... I feel the recoil of my rifle. +This is evil -- evil, Captain. We're all gonna die here. Yeah, I know. +Yeah, I know. I don't get it -- You said your mission was to kill him. Let's do it, an' get our asses outta here. This Kurtz is ruining the war; I mean, this don't look good for America ! +I don't get it -- You said your mission was to kill him. Let's do it, an' get our asses outta here. This Kurtz is ruining the war; I mean, this don't look good for America ! ... he's an amazing officer. +... he's an amazing officer. You got to kill this sonuvabitch -- Lance and me, we don''t understand none of this -- Jesus, Captain -- I don't wanna die here -- Do it quick. +Can I go get those mangos now? I'll go with you in a while -- judt hold tight awhile -- +You forgot the mangoes, didn't you? Mangoes? There as a fucking tiger in the woods -- I could've been eaten alive. I'm never going into that jungle again. I gotta remember never get out of the boat; never get outta the boat. +Elevate Lance, in the tree. No, I saw another. Thirty meters up, Lance; I saw the fucking flash. +What'd he say? Said I speak French like a Spanish cow. +Flood. No -- most of 'em are still standing -- might've been disease. +I met the P.B.R. crew; they were pretty much all kids, except for Phillips, the Chief -- Gunner's Mate Third Class L. Johnson -- Lance Johnson; Gunner's Mate Third Class J. Hicks -- The Chef -- Radio Operator Second Class T. Miller; they called him Mr. Clean. Chief, try to keep out of where we're going -- Why we're goin' and what's gonna be the big surprise. +Chief, try to keep out of where we're going -- Why we're goin' and what's gonna be the big surprise. All right with me, I used to drive a taxi. +All right with me, I used to drive a taxi. Let's go. +The Delta closes off to us about ten miles out of Hau Fat. We'll be able to pick up some supplies -- bit I think there are only two points we can draw enough water to get into the Nung River. It's all Charlie's turf from there on out. We're gonna have some help to get in the river. You know these waters, Chief ? +We're gonna have some help to get in the river. You know these waters, Chief ? 'Bout six months ago I took a man up to Lo Mung Bridge. He was regular Army too. Shot himself in the head. I brought his body back down. +'Bout six months ago I took a man up to Lo Mung Bridge. He was regular Army too. Shot himself in the head. I brought his body back down. Shot himself. What for ? +Shot himself. What for ? Beats me -- the sun was too much for him, or the mud. Who knows ? +Smoke ! Where ? +Yeah -- fishing village -- helicopters over there. Hueys, lots of 'em. First Air Cavalry. They're the ones gonna get us into the River. +We could go in tomorrow at dawn -- there's always off-shore wind in the morning. The draft of that river might be too shallow on the point. +Yeah, Chef -- go ahead -- take Lance with you -- I'll go with him -- +Careful, Captain, they've been known to charge. All right I got a little surprise for you -- +What're you trying to say, Captain -- You'll see soon enough -- get going, sailor -- +You'll see soon enough -- get going, sailor -- No shit -- hot damn -- +Wow, you must a found the C.O., eh? We found some bodies -- let's get out a here. +What about ducking into one of those tributaries till this river slows down? Who knows what's up there? +Who knows what's up there? Can't be any worse than this. What do you think? +Can't be any worse than this. What do you think? I think this river wants to take us home fast. I'm practically goin' in reverse. +Well, get in there. This whole area is lousy with V.C. -- We don't stand a chance. Lemme turn around and we'll be in Hau Fat in six minutes. +Get in there ! This is my crew and my fucking boat, and I'm the responsible party. +This is my crew and my fucking boat, and I'm the responsible party. Get in there now or I'll bury you in this river. +What the hell is it? In the middle of the jungle -- a goddamn light. +They're not Cong. We're Americans. +I -- I am -- I'm Captain B.L. Willard. This is Chief Warrant Officer Phillips -- it's his boat. We were shot up bad downriver and need repairs and food -- we can pay you in gold. +Rocks, sand -- those two men who deserted. When'd you do it? +When'd you do it? While you were sleeping. +Why -- Charlie put it there to kill -- Thta's not Charlie's work -- +Whoever put'em there didn't do it to kill people -- They put 'em up as signs -- Signs? +Signs? Yeah -- like keep out -- +Listen. What is it? +What is it? Listen. +Will they attack? If they have boats ... or canoes... they'd get lost in the fog. We can't move either -- we'll end up on the shore. +Two hours after the fog lifted, we moved slowly to a spot we thought was roughly a mile and a half below Kurtz's camp. We approached a long sand-bank stretching down the middle of the river. Which way? Right or left? +Which way? Right or left? Who knows? Right. +Who knows? Right. Looks pretty shallow. +Anybody see some smoke ? Too far inland. +What cat ? One that went up for murder -- he was an Army Sergeant. +One that went up for murder -- he was an Army Sergeant. I never heard about that. +I never heard about that. Yeah -- he really dug his Playboy mag, man -- I mean like he was there when it arrived -- He just knew. +They nail him for it bad ? He's in the L.B.J. -- didn't give him no medals or nothing -- +Forget that extra drum -- it's too damn hot. Clear on starboard -- Where's Lance an' the Captain? +Clear on starboard -- Where's Lance an' the Captain? I saw that Colonel's Huey on the point -- +Jesus -- that guy's too damn much. I wonder if that was the same copter. +What do you want ? If you're B.L. Willard, 4th Recon Group, we'd like you to come with us. +If you're B.L. Willard, 4th Recon Group, we'd like you to come with us. Whose orders ? +I only met Kurtz once. Would he remember you ? +Would he remember you ? Maybe. +You didn't like him. Anyone got a cigarette. +What does that mean ? Maybe it's not Kurtz. I don't believe he's capable of that. I just don't believe it. +Our Recon flight ? Ours. +Ours. Touchy. +Touchy. You can see, of course, the implications, if any of this -- even rumours leaked out. +You can see, of course, the implications, if any of this -- even rumours leaked out. You want me to clean it up -- simple and quiet. +You want me to clean it up -- simple and quiet. Exactly -- you'll go up the Nung River in a Navy P.B.R. -- appear at Nu Mung Ba as if by accident, re-establish your acquintance with Colonel Kurtz, find out what's happened -- and why. Then terminate his command. +Exactly -- you'll go up the Nung River in a Navy P.B.R. -- appear at Nu Mung Ba as if by accident, re-establish your acquintance with Colonel Kurtz, find out what's happened -- and why. Then terminate his command. Terminate ? +Terminate ? Terminate with extreme prejudice. +Hey, buddy, that boat still runs, eh? Yeah, it still runs. +Yeah, it still runs. Do me a favor buddy, please. +Do me a favor buddy, please. What is it? +It's to everyone I really knew -- the first girl I screwed -- my brother -- best friend -- I wanted to tell 'em how much I enjoyed knowing 'em -- it's been a great twenty years. I gotta let 'em know. What're you askin' me for -- put 'em in the first helicopter comes in tomorrow. +What're you askin' me for -- put 'em in the first helicopter comes in tomorrow. Nobody comes in here. +You got a chance in that boat -- by morning you could be five miles down the river. We ain't goin' down the river. +Spooky. Charlie? +Charlie? No, it'd be spooky without the war -- give 'em back. +What -- happened here. Charlie? +Charlie? NVA regulars. They're coming again tonight. Tet -- their big -- assault. +Who is he? He was the tragedy -- the tragedy of this war. +How did they know? They must have seen the fire. +Yeah. Colonel Kurtz, he's dead. +Colonel Kurtz, he's dead. Yeah. +Captain B.L. Willard, G-4 Headquarters, reporting as ordered, sir. Okay, Willard, sit down. +No, sir. This gentleman or myself ? +This gentleman or myself ? No, sir. +No, sir. I believe on your last job you executed a tax collector in Kontum, is that right ? +I believe on your last job you executed a tax collector in Kontum, is that right ? I am not presently disposed to discuss that, sir. +You know much about about Special Forces; Green Berets, Captain ? I've worked with them on occasions and I saw the movie , sir. +Yeah. He's commanding the detachment at Nu Mung Ba. +I thought he was a lame. A lame ? +A lame ? This is years ago, before he joined Special Forces, I guess. We had an argument. +This is years ago, before he joined Special Forces, I guess. We had an argument. About what ? +About what ? I don't know. He was a lame, that's all. +I don't know. He was a lame, that's all. But why ? +But why ? He couldn't get through a sentence without all these big words; about why we kill. +He couldn't get through a sentence without all these big words; about why we kill. Well, he's killing now. +Well, he's killing now. Maybe. +Fifty calibers, eh, Captain -- As I said, we can pay you in gold. +As I said, we can pay you in gold. Entirely unnecessary, Captain. +American weapons? We took them from the dead. Now -- I assume you want to rest, to shower. We'll attend to your repairs after dinner. +We don't want to bother you any, we -- A man of war is never bothered to aid an ally -- you will follow me, Captain. +A habit of men of war, sir -- you understand. Of course, Captain -- an unfortunate necessity. +It is very good -- there is no current -- It is very good. I have never seen one like it in all Indochina. I was in Paris when it arrived -- do you know what might have caused -- Looks like a two thousand pound to me. Yeah, a two thousand pound bomb. +Looks like a two thousand pound to me. Yeah, a two thousand pound bomb. No, I've seen those in Normandy. This is much better. My country -- my country could never originate this. Magnificent. +Attacks repulsed, as I was saying. This is only for this war, Captain. Viet Cong -- 54; North Vietnamese regular forces -- 15; South Vietnamese -- 28 -- regular forces and otherwise. Americain -- 6. Of course, they were, perhaps, mistakes, Captain. Of course. I -- Once we make our repairs, we could send word, we could have you evacuated from here. +Of course. I -- Once we make our repairs, we could send word, we could have you evacuated from here. Captain? +Captain? You'll get blown outta here some day. +You'll get blown outta here some day. We will never 'evacuate', Captain -- this is our home. Indochina is ours; it has been so for a hundred and twenty-one years, there is something to say for that. +We will never 'evacuate', Captain -- this is our home. Indochina is ours; it has been so for a hundred and twenty-one years, there is something to say for that. The Vietnamese think it's theirs -- I guess the Americans do, too. +The Vietnamese think it's theirs -- I guess the Americans do, too. But we civilized it. A place belongs to those who bring light to it, don't you agree. +But we civilized it. A place belongs to those who bring light to it, don't you agree. I always thought the French came here to get the rubber. +Upriver? Why upriver? There is nothing there, only jungle. Do you know that jungle? +Do you know that jungle? When I was a boy, my father would take me there, to hunt. There are a few savages, but no man can live there, no white man. +When I was a boy, my father would take me there, to hunt. There are a few savages, but no man can live there, no white man. What about an American named Kurtz? +Two of my men deserted last night. It happens from time to time. I assume my daughter told you of our conditions. Your daughter. +I guess this is whAt men of war do -- eh? We endure, captain -- you can blow up the house and we will live in the cellar -- destroy that and we'll dig a hole in the jungle and sleep on it. Burn the forest and we'll hide in the swamp. all the while, we do but one thing -- clean the blood off our bayonets. Au revoir, Captain. +What's your name, sailor ? Gunner's Mate, Third Class -- L. Johnson, sir. +Gunner's Mate, Third Class -- L. Johnson, sir. Lance Johnson? The surfer? +Lance Johnson? The surfer? That's right, sir. +It's an honor to meet you Lance. I've admired your nose-riding for years -- I like your cutback, too. I think you have the best cutback there is. Thank you, sir. +Thank you, sir. You can cut out the sir, Lance -- I'm Bill kilgore -- I'm a goofy foot. +Where've you been riding, Lance? I haven't surfed since I got here. +I haven't surfed since I got here. That's terrible -- we'll change that -- I'd like to see you work -- I've always liked your cutback; got a hell of a left turn, too. +Good swell. What, sir? +What, sir? I said it's a good swell -- hell of a good swell 'bout six feet. Let's get a look at it. +You think that section on the point is ridable, Lance? I think we ought to wait for the tide to come in. +They far enough? Sure -- fine -- +You smell that. You smell that? What? +What? Napalm, boy -- nothing else in the world smells like that -- +The wind -- What? +Yeah, I'm an artist, goddamit ! Yeah -- yeah, I can understand how you feel. +Mike, you know anything about the point at Vin Drip Drop? Boss left. +Boss left. What do you mean? +What do you mean? It's really long left slide, breaks on the short side of the point -- catches a south swell. +Why the hell didn't you tell me about that place -- a good left. There aren't any good left slides in this whole, shitty country. It's all goddamn beach break. It's hairy ,though. That's where we lost McDonnel -- they shot the hell out of us. It's Charlie's point. +It's hairy ,though. That's where we lost McDonnel -- they shot the hell out of us. It's Charlie's point. How big it is? +How big it is? Six to eight feet. +Change. Wh -- what? +Wh -- what? Change -- get out there -- I want'a see if it's ridable -- change. +Change -- get out there -- I want'a see if it's ridable -- change. It's still pretty hairy, sir. +It's still pretty hairy, sir. You want'a surf, soldier? +Big Duke Six to Hell's Angels Four -- bring it in on along tree line and huts. Hell's Angels Four to Big Duke Six -- we'll need green smoke -- suggest you have the FAC mark it. +Hell's Angels Four to Big Duke Six -- we'll need green smoke -- suggest you have the FAC mark it. Haven't got time, Hell's Angels -- lay it right up the tree line. +This is Baker Delta Four -- Captain hit bad -- need dust-off. Receiving heavy automatic weapons fire from huts about thirty yards to our left. Big Duke Six to Baker Delta Four -- hold -- we're right over you. +Eagle Thrust Four -- Big Duke Six. Join me in sparaying some trees. Affirmative, Big Duke Six -- We're even got some rockets left. +Affirmative, Big Duke Six -- We're even got some rockets left. Take her in low, Lieutenant. +Captain B-L. Willard, sir -- 4th Recon Group -- I carry priority papers from Com-Sec Intelligence 11 Corp -- I believe you understand the nature of my mission. Yeah -- Na Trang told me to expect you -- we'll see what we can do. Just stay out of my way till this is done, Captain. +My orders are from Com-Sec Intel -- B.L. Willard, 4th Recon -- Just hold up a second, Captain -- I'll get to you soon enough -- We've got things to do here. +Why the hell you wanna go up to Nu Mung Ba for? I got bored in Saigon. +I got bored in Saigon. What's the furthest you been in? +What's the furthest you been in? Haiphong. +Haiphong. Haiphong? Shit, you jump in ? +Haiphong? Shit, you jump in ? No. Walked. +No. Walked. What'd you do for supplies? +What'd you do for supplies? Mercenaries -- agents, traitors -- they put out caches. +Mercenaries -- agents, traitors -- they put out caches. Can you trust them? +Can you trust them? No. They put out two or three for every one I needed. When you get to the one you'll use, you just stake it out. If something feels wrong, you just pass it up. On one mission, I had to pass up three and ended up living on rats and chocolate bars. +No. They put out two or three for every one I needed. When you get to the one you'll use, you just stake it out. If something feels wrong, you just pass it up. On one mission, I had to pass up three and ended up living on rats and chocolate bars. Nu Mung Ba. Last I heard, Walter Kurtz commanded a Green Beret detachment at Nu Mung Ba. +Nu Mung Ba. Last I heard, Walter Kurtz commanded a Green Beret detachment at Nu Mung Ba. When did you hear? +When did you hear? 'Bout a year ago? Is Kurtz still alive? +'Bout a year ago? Is Kurtz still alive? Who knows. +Who knows. Seems to me he got himself fragged. i heard some grunt rolled a grenade in his tent. Maybe a rumor. Helluva man -- remarkable officer. Walter Kurtz woulda been a General some day. General of the Army. Shit, Head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Did you knew Kurtz? +Seems to me he got himself fragged. i heard some grunt rolled a grenade in his tent. Maybe a rumor. Helluva man -- remarkable officer. Walter Kurtz woulda been a General some day. General of the Army. Shit, Head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Did you knew Kurtz? I met him. +I met him. Don't you agree? +Don't you agree? He musta changed ! I got to get into the Nung River, here or here. +He musta changed ! I got to get into the Nung River, here or here. That village you're pointing at is kinda hairy. +That village you're pointing at is kinda hairy. Hairy ? +Hairy ? I mean it's hairy -- they got some pretty heavy ordnance, boy -- I've lost a few recon ships in there now and again. +I mean it's hairy -- they got some pretty heavy ordnance, boy -- I've lost a few recon ships in there now and again. So? I heard you had a good bunch of killers here. +So? I heard you had a good bunch of killers here. And I don't intend to get some of them chewed up just to get your tub put in the mouth of the goddman Nung River. You say you don't know Kurtz? +And I don't intend to get some of them chewed up just to get your tub put in the mouth of the goddman Nung River. You say you don't know Kurtz? I met him. +I met him. You talk like him. I don't mind taking casualties, Captain, but I like to keep my ratio ten to one in this unit -- ten Cong to one. +You talk like him. I don't mind taking casualties, Captain, but I like to keep my ratio ten to one in this unit -- ten Cong to one. You'll find enough Cong up there. +You'll find enough Cong up there. What about this point here? +We'll come in low out of the rising sun -- We'll put on the music about a mile out. Music? +Music? Yeah. Classical stuff -- scares the hell out of the slopes -- the boys love it. +Fucking savages. Who? +Who? The enemy. Who else? +Sonuvabitch -- anybody hurt? Automatic weapons flashes along those trees -- probably eleven millimeter guns and AK-47's. +Automatic weapons flashes along those trees -- probably eleven millimeter guns and AK-47's. The trees, eh... +I'm waiting for the fucking boat, Colonel. It'll get here, soldier. +You know, some day this war's gonna end.. Yes, I know. +It's gonna blow this place out. It's gonna ruin it ... The kid can't ride sloppy waves. +Colonel Kurtz, I guess. I'm Kurtz. +I'm Kurtz. Captain B.L. Willard reporting his presence, sir. +Why did you come to ... my province. We were attacked -- down river. We need supplies and medical help. +We were attacked -- down river. We need supplies and medical help. You were not coming here, to see me? +You were not coming here, to see me? No -- no, sir. +No -- no, sir. You came up my river -- in that small boat. So simple. I always thought the final justice would come from the sky, like we did. You are the final justice, aren't you? +You came up my river -- in that small boat. So simple. I always thought the final justice would come from the sky, like we did. You are the final justice, aren't you? What do you mean, Colonel? +What do you mean, Colonel? What other reason could you have come? A Captain. Ranger. Paratrooper. Graduate of the Recondo School. Am I right about these things? +What other reason could you have come? A Captain. Ranger. Paratrooper. Graduate of the Recondo School. Am I right about these things? You know you're right. +Do you know me? Yes. +Yeah, I can see that. He's fuckin nuts -- Yeah. +I said get the fuck out ! I'm going to kill the little weirdo myself tomorrow. He's only stayed alive this long because he's a good orderly and medic. He knows how to use a hypodermic. You're gonna get hit tonight, bad -- a whole regiment of NVA regulars. +You're gonna get hit tonight, bad -- a whole regiment of NVA regulars. That's right, the little gook- pricks. But they are noble little gook-pricks, noble. Because they fight with their guts, like animals. And for an idea ! That's rich. We fight with ingenious machines and fire, like Gods, and for nothing. But I'll call in a major blotto airstrike tonight. We'll have ourselves a helluva airstrike tonight, a lightshow. How do you like The Doors': 'C'mon Baby Light My Fire...' +Do you? Yeah, I like it... +Yeah, I like it... I love it. +You've gone crazy. No. My thinking is clear. But my soul has gone mad. +No -- I don't want to sleep. I want to think. Water. Give me water. You can't have water after morphine. +You can't have water after morphine. Still playing by the rules. You're a damn good kiler. +Still playing by the rules. You're a damn good kiler. How's the pain? +How's the pain? How's yours? +How's yours? I can handle it. +I can handle it. Pain is easy to handle -- but nobility.. the nobility of a man is judged by how much Truth he can handle. +Pain is easy to handle -- but nobility.. the nobility of a man is judged by how much Truth he can handle. What Truth? +What Truth? The truth that you were sent here to murder me, ans so far you haven't done it. And do you know why? Yes, you know why. Your mission makes about as much sense as those idiots who sent you on it. Asshole ! Schmuck ! How long does it take you to figure out that nobody knows what they're doing here. Except me. +Gimme water. No water. +No water. You know what you're doing? You are interfering with my plans ! +How did we get here? Because of all the things we do, the thing we do best -- is lie. +Because of all the things we do, the thing we do best -- is lie. I think think a lie stinks. +I think think a lie stinks. Oh Captain, that is so true. +Oh Captain, that is so true. Stinks. I could never figure -- I could never figure how they can teach boys how to bomb villages with napalm -- and not let them write the word 'fuck' on their airplanes. +You could never figure it because it doesn't make sense. Fuck no. +Fuck no. I'll tell you what makes sense ! Air strikes ! White Phosphorus ! Napalm ! We'll bomb the shit out of them if they don't do what we want. +I'll tell you what makes sense ! Air strikes ! White Phosphorus ! Napalm ! We'll bomb the shit out of them if they don't do what we want. We'll exterminate the fuckers ! +Go away -- hide yourself. What are you doing? +What are you doing? Going back - to the jungle to die. +Going back - to the jungle to die. I'm taking you back. You can still live. +I'm taking you back. You can still live. I had immense plans. +I had immense plans. I'm gonna get you out of here. +I'm gonna get you out of here. I was on threshold of great things. +My river... my people... my jungle... my ideas... my country... my wife... ... my death. You had immense plans... immense plans... +You had immense plans... immense plans... Yes... +Yes... I'm taking you back. +Did you know him very well? You get to know each other pretty well out there. +You get to know each other pretty well out there. And you admired him? +And you admired him? He was a remarkable man. It was impossible not to -- +He was a remarkable man. It was impossible not to -- Love him... Yes, it is true. That's the hard part for me... I knew him better than anyone ... I knew him best. +Love him... Yes, it is true. That's the hard part for me... I knew him better than anyone ... I knew him best. You knew him best. +You knew him best. You were his friend... You must have been, if he had given you this... If he sent you to his home. He was the best this country had -- he was -- +You were his friend... You must have been, if he had given you this... If he sent you to his home. He was the best this country had -- he was -- Yes, I know... +Yes, I know... I'll never get over it -- But I'll always remember him... +I'll never get over it -- But I'll always remember him... Both of us... +Both of us... Men looked up to him... He died as he lived... +Men looked up to him... He died as he lived... His death was -- yes, he died as he lived. +His death was -- yes, he died as he lived. Were you with him, when... +Were you with him, when... Yes I was... He said his last words to me. +Maybe he'll get tubed. What? +What? Maybe he'll get inside the tube -- where -- where they can't see him. +What's that? Just something I read in the Free Press. +He'll kill us. He can't kill us. We're on his side. +Are you finished surfing? Yeah... thanks. +Yeah... thanks. Want to say goodbye to the Colonel? +Want to say goodbye to the Colonel? Nah. +Nah. Then let's get the hell out of here. +No -- no, Captain. Which one's the Colonel's? +Which one's the Colonel's? The Yater -- the clear one with the thin stringer. +This one , Lance? Yeah, Jesus Christ ! +Maybe we better stay in under the trees till dark -- we got his Yater. He didn't look like he'd take that sitting down. +You hear it again? No -- I don't think so. But it'll be back. They were circling. It'll be back. +No -- I don't think so. But it'll be back. They were circling. It'll be back. You think he'd of shot us? +You think he'd of shot us? When? +When? Any time -- us -- Americans. +I don't think he'd of shot us on the beach but -- he'd of shot us if he saw me taking the board -- A Yater spoon is hard to get -- especially here. +A Yater spoon is hard to get -- especially here. He's a man who knows what he wants -- he does know what he wants. +Captain -- that was all true about the rats and chocolate and stuff? Sure. +Sure. And you could just tell when the supplies were booby trapped? +And you could just tell when the supplies were booby trapped? It's a feeling you get in the jungle. When you get good, you can find a track and tell not only how many they are, but their morale, how far they're going, whether they're near their camp, the weapons they're carrying. +What's this tiger shit? No shit... I think I shot the hell out of him. +No shit... I think I shot the hell out of him. You think? +You think? I wasn't looking.. I was running. +The other one -- No -- leave it -- +What? Bring your rifles, that's all. Take us to him. +Captain Willard? That's me. +That's me. Captain Willard -- we got these from Nha Thrang two days ago -- they expected you here then -- +You don't know how happy that makes me, sir. Why? +Why? Now I can get out a here -- if I can find a way out. +Now I can get out a here -- if I can find a way out. We'll be needing some supplies and fuel -- do you know anybody who can give me a hand? +We'll be needing some supplies and fuel -- do you know anybody who can give me a hand? I'd just clear out as soon as I could if I were you, sir. They're gonna start working on the bridge with torches again. Charlie will start throwing it in hard -- +I'd just clear out as soon as I could if I were you, sir. They're gonna start working on the bridge with torches again. Charlie will start throwing it in hard -- What is this bridge? +What is this bridge? It's of strategic importance for keeping the highway into Bat Shan open -- the generals don't like to admit that Bat Shan is surrounded. +This boat's a mess. Where's Kurtz? I want to talk to him. +Where's Kurtz? I want to talk to him. Oh, you don't talk to Colonel Kurtz. You listen to him. God, these are good. I kept these people off you, you know. It wasn't easy. +Oh, you don't talk to Colonel Kurtz. You listen to him. God, these are good. I kept these people off you, you know. It wasn't easy. Why did they attack us? +Why did they attack us? Simple. They don't want him to go. +Simple. They don't want him to go. You're Australian? +You're Australian? Pre-Australian, actually. But I'd dig goin' to California. I'm California dreamin'. +Pre-Australian, actually. But I'd dig goin' to California. I'm California dreamin'. So Kurtz is alive. +So Kurtz is alive. Kurtz. I tell you, that man has enlarged my mind. +But lemme tell you, he is the most dangerous thing in every way that I've come on so far. He wanted to shoot me. The first thing he said is, 'I'm going to shoot you because you are a deserter.' I said I didn't desert from your army, I deserted from my army. He said, 'I'm going to shoot you just the same.' Why didn't he shoot you? +Why didn't he shoot you? I've asked myself that question. I said to myself, why didn't he shoot me? He didn't shoot me, because I had a stash like you wouldn't believe. I hid it in the jungle; the wealth of the Orient: Marijuana -- Hashish -- Opium -- cocaine -- uncut Heroin; the Gold of the Golden Triangle. and Acid -- I make Koolaid that makes purple Owsley come on like piss. Now I'm Kurtz' own Disciple -- I listen he talks. About everything ! Everything. I forgot there's such a thing as sleep. Everything. Of love, too. +Sounds like he's gone crazy. No, Colonel Kurtz couldn't be crazy -- if you heard him talk, just last week, you'd never think he was crazy. +No, Colonel Kurtz couldn't be crazy -- if you heard him talk, just last week, you'd never think he was crazy. Is that where he is? By the shrunken heads. +Is that where he is? By the shrunken heads. Those heads, yes. Well, the rebels... +Those heads, yes. Well, the rebels... We're going ashore. Tie her up -- and leave your guns up, Lance. +Right on -- he's been waiting for -- And shut up. +Who are you? His name is... +His name is... I'm not ever goin' to tell you to shut up again. +May I ask where the Captain is going in his little boat? We were going upriver when we got caught in a storm, ma'am. +You must realize, Captain -- we have lost much here -- I, my husband. Gaston -- his wife and son. I'm sorry to hear that. +I'm sorry to hear that. Cognac? +Cognac? I should be checking on the boat. +I should be checking on the boat. The war will still be here tomorrow. +Do you miss your home, Captain? Have you someone there? No. Not really. +What will you do after the war? I just follow my footsteps, one at a time, trying to answer the little questions and staying away from the big ones. +I just follow my footsteps, one at a time, trying to answer the little questions and staying away from the big ones. What's a big question? +What's a big question? Kurtz. I know you've heard of him. +Kurtz. I know you've heard of him. Yes. +Yes. What did you hear? +What did you hear? That strange things.. terrible things have occured around this American, Kurtz. +That strange things.. terrible things have occured around this American, Kurtz. What things? +What things? Gaston would never tell me. It was asubject not to be spoken of, Captain. +Gaston would never tell me. It was asubject not to be spoken of, Captain. Yes. +Yes. Did you know -- deeper in the jungle, upriver -- there are savages? +Did you know -- deeper in the jungle, upriver -- there are savages? I know. +I know. But Captain, I mean -- cannibals. +Are you warm, Captain? The river is beautiful. +I'm afraid I won't have time -- I gotta -- Whe you reach the boat you will find that half your fifty calibre stores -- a case of grenades, a mortar and two M-16's and a case of clips are being transfered to us by your order. +So that's it. You may think what you wish, Captain, but I like you very much. +What if I say no. Then Philippe will have to kill all of you. +I don't know anything about these papers, sir. They're in order -- it's perfectly clean -- just check with ComSec- Intel like I said. +They're in order -- it's perfectly clean -- just check with ComSec- Intel like I said. Well, you know I don't have the priority to do that, sir. It says here not to contact Com-Sec- Int. Who's your commanding officer ? +Well, you know I don't have the priority to do that, sir. It says here not to contact Com-Sec- Int. Who's your commanding officer ? Right now -- I am. +Right now -- I am. Well who the hell verifies that ? +Well who the hell verifies that ? I do. +What show ? Big show in the parade grounds this noon -- some boss stuff -- +Big show in the parade grounds this noon -- some boss stuff -- This -- Bob Hope or the like -- +This -- Bob Hope or the like -- No sir, I think -- this'll be a little bit different -- +That's 27, sir. Anyone got a card? +Soldier -- where''s your C.O.? Stepped on a booby trap, sir -- got blown all to hell -- +Stepped on a booby trap, sir -- got blown all to hell -- Well , who's in command here? +Well , who's in command here? I don't know -- don't have any idea -- I'm just the night man -- +You came right to it, son of a bitch -- Son of a bitch, sir. +Where's your chief supply officer? Beverly Hills -- +Beverly Hills -- What? +What? Straight up the road -- a concrete bunker -- Beverly Hills -- where else you think he'd be? +Straight up the road -- a concrete bunker -- Beverly Hills -- where else you think he'd be? C'mon -- +20 CONTINUED: You can pack out of here -- two, three days' hike along this river at most. Weather should hold this early in the season. +23 CONTINUED: Needs patching. +Hard to work up an interest in politics, way we live. You're the first people we've seen in two weeks. 23 CONTINUED: +30 CONTINUED: Now, why don't you get around to saying what you want. +34 CONTINUED: Mind if I get some stuff from my kit? +See the blood? Pack of wolves took down a moose. Greedy, gut-ripping sons of bitches. I'd kill the last wolf on earth, right in front of the President of the U.S. Stinking, cowardly predator, the wolf. 89 CONTINUED: +102 CONTINUED: Wait 'til I'm across! +You talk about ecology -- there it is. 107 CONTINUED: +117 CONTINUED: Inside of three hours you'd be dragging my dead carcass. +134 CONTINUED: Used to see the natives eating roots when I was a kid in Nome. +First you save my ass, now you want to kill me. Make up your goddamn mind. 134 CONTINUED: +What makes you so sure my boys won't be waiting for us? 139 CONTINUED: +Remember that demon in the gut? Sometimes it's nothing more than wondering if the so-called civilized life has bred the balls and brains out of you. That's what you want out of this, isn't it? 150 CONTINUED: +Relax. I got a nervous man here with a magnum up my nose. 175 CONTINUED: +215 CONTINUED: So they can patch me up and put me in a cage? Forget it. Meyerling's right -- I'm a dinosaur. Greedy bastards like him, it's their turn with this land. Put me in the woods, let me live or die on my own. +Avalanche season is coming. 43 CONTINUED: +48 CONTINUED: I'll get you there all right. +Let's go. 94 CONTINUED: +95 CONTINUED: It'll be interesting, trying to build a fire without any wood. +113 CONTINUED: I just want this over with. +119 CONTINUED: How? Nobody this far north monitors that frequency until avalanche season. Besides, I'm surprised a tough guy like you uses fancy electronics. +...I won't let a killer walk! 157 CONTINUED: +165 CONTINUED: There isn't one, unless Corbett's men get here before the plane does. +165 CONTINUED: I'd sure like that favor you offered a while back. +You'll catch a chill by that dumb waiter shaft. Sit on the cot. Keep this pointed at him if I get preoccupied. 168 CONTINUED: +184 CONTINUED: Your infrared camera? +212 CONTINUED: Keep back. +26 CONTINUED: I was making my rounds, saw your hangar wide open, plane getting rained on, so I closed it up. +Watch it with Meyerling. Man's as mean and corrupt as they get. Cut his mother's throat if it'd get him a couple votes. 26 CONTINUED: +27 CONTINUED: Question is why they sat here when the storm moved in. Check their stuff while I sniff around. +A certain sonofabitch bastard -more- 28 CONTINUED: +39 CONTINUED: Back against the bars. Now. +How long have you been up north? Six months. +Six months. Can't be. Too keen a sense of this place in your pictures. +My dad was a Navy doctor. Knew you had no native blood, even with your dark hair. Blue eyes give you away. My wife had blue eyes. +Knew you had no native blood, even with your dark hair. Blue eyes give you away. My wife had blue eyes. Had? +Had? She's dead. +She's dead. Oh. +Oh. Had some good years. Met her in '66. She showed up one day in Coldfoot. No one knew her. One Sunday morning, she marched into a bar and announced she was available as a wife to the highest bidder. Didn't work out in three months, she'd return the money and leave, no hard feelings. My bid was eight thousand dollars. Beautiful girl. +Had some good years. Met her in '66. She showed up one day in Coldfoot. No one knew her. One Sunday morning, she marched into a bar and announced she was available as a wife to the highest bidder. Didn't work out in three months, she'd return the money and leave, no hard feelings. My bid was eight thousand dollars. Beautiful girl. How did she..? +How did she..? I was gone, in September, laying traplines. She went to our cache for some meat. Got mauled by a bear. Tore open her skull. -more- +What about you -- why come back? Classy girl like you seems more suited to the finer things. That's why I left, moved to Washington. When I met Eric I was doing day shoots -- products and fashion, mostly. Pretty dull. Eric was teaching college, and then he got the job with Northland Oil. We wanted to stay together, so we talked them into funding some wilderness photography... and here I am. +You should know something. I don't want to talk any more. +I don't want to talk any more. Wasn't my intention to hurt Wilder. I'm telling you the truth. I liked the man. I only meant to get loose... to survive. Your cheechako boyfriend better understand that. Listen, I've got some money put away -- +Have you talked to Eric? I have not, but I very much want to. What do you know about the trouble in Devil's Cauldron? +I have not, but I very much want to. What do you know about the trouble in Devil's Cauldron? I was hoping you had some news -- +-- Get this straight: I'm the District Supervisor. Whatever you do reflects on me. It wasn't my idea to bring you people up here, but I'm stuck with you. You are absolutely not to involve yourself in any local disputes. Whichever side you take, you alienate the other. Mr. Corbett is quite well-known in this region. People admire him -- -- Corbett's a killer. +What happened here? The radio's on the fritz. +The radio's on the fritz. Where'd you say Eric is? +Where'd you say Eric is? Somewhere along the pipeline. +Somewhere along the pipeline. What about that hotheaded marshal, Sam Wilder? I heard he was in the middle of this mess. +What about that hotheaded marshal, Sam Wilder? I heard he was in the middle of this mess. Sam? We haven't seen him. +Sam? We haven't seen him. Really. I thought maybe that was his snowmobile outside. By the way -- your truck also 'on the fritz?' +Really. I thought maybe that was his snowmobile outside. By the way -- your truck also 'on the fritz?' Why? +Why? It's out by the pumping station, shot full of holes. +He's coming around fine. Be right back. I left my camcorder in the car. +What are you doing? He still might be around. I saw fresh tire tracks coming in. +Stay here. Be careful -- there're two of them. +Great idea -- pointing a lousy dart gun at some nut with a high-powered hunting rifle. Bastards took off, though, didn't they? +Thanks. I bet you haven't had lunch. +I call it 'the Turtle,' as in carrying your home on your back. Best thing is, Meyerling has to chase around to find us. +Best thing is, Meyerling has to chase around to find us. The little creep hates it that Eric actually does what the company hired him to do. +I'll go into town with you. Eric, leave it alone. It's not your business. +Eric, leave it alone. It's not your business. No way can he get away with this. I'll be back by tonight. +Did you catch Corbett? Sure did. He was one of the trappers we rousted from the Haul Road. +Sure did. He was one of the trappers we rousted from the Haul Road. Was there any trouble? +Was there any trouble? He was sitting in a hot tub with a hooker. +He was sitting in a hot tub with a hooker. Going after killers isn't the same as chasing poachers, Eric. +Going after killers isn't the same as chasing poachers, Eric. Can't help myself. Corbett's type always pisses me off. Oh, I found this at the post office. Had your name on it. +Oh, sweetheart. It's beautiful! You were looking at it in the catalog. Don't know where you can wear it... +You were looking at it in the catalog. Don't know where you can wear it... I'll wear it for you. And I can wear it when we go home. We won't be here forever. +I'll wear it for you. And I can wear it when we go home. We won't be here forever. You make it sound like a prison sentence. +You make it sound like a prison sentence. That's not what I meant. +That's not what I meant. It's exactly what you meant. +It's exactly what you meant. Look, why get into this again. As long as it's working, let's leave it alone. It's been nice so far. We're together -- +Look, why get into this again. As long as it's working, let's leave it alone. It's been nice so far. We're together -- -- Permanently? +-- Permanently? Do I want to be with you permanently? Yes, I think I do. But be with what you do and the way you live? That I don't know. C'mon, Eric, until I met you, coming back to Alaska was totally +I still can't believe I'm being financed by an oil company. Especially when they get a look at these pictures. Technology in the wilderness; not too pretty. What's that? I thought I should check our emergency transmitters. +Winter. Two straight months of night -- we may never get out of bed. Which would suit me fine. Prolonged darkness makes people crazy. +Prolonged darkness makes people crazy. Not me. I'm equipped. +High-tech in the wilderness. Gets me excited, too. Come here... +Let's go. Wait a second. +Maybe you should drive him into Devil's Cauldron, let them decide what to do with him. Fairbanks is a three-hour flight. I'll be back by dinnertime. +Be careful, okay? That's my line. +Oh, Christ, sweetheart. Four days! I thought you were dead, or worse. You can't stay here. Go back to the Turtle. I'll meet you back there in a few hours. +You can't stay here. Go back to the Turtle. I'll meet you back there in a few hours. What's going on? +What's going on? I'll tell you everything later. +I'll tell you everything later. Where's Corbett? +Where's Corbett? Here. A transport plane is due at eleven. Once I put him on it, it's all over. +Here. A transport plane is due at eleven. Once I put him on it, it's all over. So what's the problem? +Please, Anne Marie, you being here only complicates things. I'm staying. +You're hurt. Nothing broken. C'mon, we have to hurry. +Technology in the wilderness. Only problem is talking to you on your way to the landing strip. I've got an idea. We'll have to work fast. +When you ran off, I thought you'd keep going 'til you were back home in Washington. My home is here. With you. +Leave it here. Let's keep going. We're only an hour from Devil's Cauldron. +Let's keep going. We're only an hour from Devil's Cauldron. Relax. I just want to ask them how the hunting is. +Had no choice... ...Given the situation. I know. Least you didn't shoot all of them. +Go ahead. Take the jeep. I'll come to Cache with Bob when he gets here. Okay by me. You're the one likes these hot springs so much. +Okay by me. You're the one likes these hot springs so much. Leave my traps. We'll tag up, couple days. +You got two counts against you -- trapping out of season and poaching on restricted land. Can't be much of a crime, if all they got minding the area is a cocky kid. +Can't be much of a crime, if all they got minding the area is a cocky kid. I got your plate number, asshole. Maybe you feel like spending a few months in jail. +Ben Corbett? Yep. Afraid you have me at a disadvantage. +Yep. Afraid you have me at a disadvantage. Kenai at the general store asked me to bring these. Didn't expect we'd already met. +Kenai at the general store asked me to bring these. Didn't expect we'd already met. No big deal. We just got off on the wrong foot. What's your name? +Desmond. New to the country, kid? +New to the country, kid? Six months. Ecological study for Northland Oil. +Six months. Ecological study for Northland Oil. Ecology. Folks use that term for everything but what it means: who's eating who. +Nice bluff the other day with the tranquilizer gun out your jeep window. See you again, maybe. Yeah. Maybe so. +A lot to ask, dragging him away from such a good-looking girl -- -- To take you to jail? It'll be my pleasure. +Does he have people? A daughter in Oregon. +A daughter in Oregon. Send him down to her. There's money in my duffel bag, back at his cabin. +Surviving is what I know -- -- Killing is what you know. Pack some food while I prep for the flight. I'm sure not gonna let him go. +How the hell were they smart enough to find us? Smart? Sure. That's why I'm sitting in this plane and they're down there blowing me kisses. +Been driving long? I needed a pilot's license to take the job here, so I got one in six weeks. +I needed a pilot's license to take the job here, so I got one in six weeks. That makes the flight more interesting. +Sounds like professional jealousy. Hunting and trapping was a damn fine life. Me and Mitchell, Bob and LeMalle, we were teams. I'd always go with Mitchell. Good man, Mitchell. I'd let Bob worry about goddamn LeMalle. We'd hire a plane in October. On the way to a dirt airstrip somewhere, we'd drop supplies. We'd land, tell the pilot to come back for us a few days before Christmas. +Stay put! You got the belly to look me in the eye and pull the trigger? +Next time you want to kill yourself, don't include me. I took the odds on getting down in one piece, and I made it. Now we're in my territory. +I took the odds on getting down in one piece, and I made it. Now we're in my territory. With light clothing and no supplies, this is nobody's territory. +With light clothing and no supplies, this is nobody's territory. You sound like the tourists. Know-it-alls who read about survival in a magazine. Fuck you. You won't make it off this mountain. +I'm not gonna carry you out of here. That's right. You're not. +That's right. You're not. Look, take these cuffs off. We need to work together. +Why in hell you care enough about me to die taking me in? I don't plan on dying. +We'll stop here, dig out a snow shelter. Snow shelter. Okay. You dig. I'll have a little sit-down. +Still quite a hike to Devil's Cauldron. Days. A long stretch to go without sleep, my friend. You can hide behind that pistol for now, but take your eyes off me long enough to sneeze -- -- Turn around. +Ice is too thin -- you can see the water moving underneath. We're not sitting here 'til November. There's a cargo plane coming to Devil's Cauldron in four days, and I'm putting you on it. +We're not sitting here 'til November. There's a cargo plane coming to Devil's Cauldron in four days, and I'm putting you on it. We get wet, we freeze to death in a couple hours. +We get wet, we freeze to death in a couple hours. I've been on ice like this when I was a kid, skating. Spread your weight, keep moving. Go on. +Be my guest. I'm right behind you. +Most dangerous thing in the world: A regular Joe, in over his head. You trying to prove how tough you are for me, or for yourself? It wasn't my idea to crash the plane. +It wasn't my idea to crash the plane. Let's camp. There's grayling under this ice. I'll snare some for dinner. +Let's camp. There's grayling under this ice. I'll snare some for dinner. We've got another two hours of daylight. +We've got another two hours of daylight. Pushing it is flat wrong. All you prove is your ignorance about breaking trail. +Have to backtrack, find another way down. Forget it. It would take days. +Forget it. It would take days. Going to be a bit of a challenge with handcuffs on. +Damn lucky this storm didn't blow down when we were on those baldheaded mountains. It continues, we better stay put. It could blow over tomorrow, too. +It could blow over tomorrow, too. I'm still figuring: You're either real brave or real dumb. +Where in hell Meyerling dig you up? You know Meyerling? +You know Meyerling? Sure. The People's Friend. Kiss your ass with precision if there's a vote in it. +Sure love to know where you fit in up here. I'm here to do my job. +I'm here to do my job. You want to fool yourself about that bullshit job, fine. Damn shame you have to drag your girlfriend along. You think a woman like that will be happy making moose stew for a man -more- +Folks come to Alaska for a real short list of reasons: Money. Adventure. Solitude. Those cover most everyone. But frontiers also draw another type of man. One with a demon in his gut. He comes to the edge of the world to face that demon, and lay it to rest. Yeah? +Yeah? Yep. Sometimes they do, but usually they end up crazy or dead. +There's a cabin, maybe twenty miles south of here. Too bad we're heading west. +Too bad we're heading west. There's a snowmobile. Inside a day we could be on the Yukon. I got money there. Remember that five thousand? Make it ten. Be smart. Take it and walk away. +There's a snowmobile. Inside a day we could be on the Yukon. I got money there. Remember that five thousand? Make it ten. Be smart. Take it and walk away. You don't get it, do you? +Have to get these wet things off. You're not going to slow us down! Keep moving! +Stay awake! You want to go hypothermic? If that means freeze my balls off, no thanks. I'll be okay. +Told you I'm fine! How many do you see? +How many do you see? What?! Fuck off. Save yourself. +What?! Fuck off. Save yourself. You don't feel cold? +You don't feel cold? It's a spring day... +Stay still. Where's my ELT? +Where's my ELT? Emergency transmitter? All your gear is back at Wilder's. +Emergency transmitter? All your gear is back at Wilder's. You got one? +You got one? It was blown up with the plane. +It was blown up with the plane. Too bad. We'd be out of here in a few hours. +I'm hungry. Go kill me some dinner. An appetite. Maybe you won't die after all. +An appetite. Maybe you won't die after all. Hate to disappoint you. +Nome? I figure you'd be a whaler, coming from there. Told that's what our old man was. Planned on going to sea, me and Bob, 'til I read Jack London. Started trapping when I was ten. Mailed the furs to Sears. Eight bucks for a skunk, three for a muskrat. That was fine money. +Told that's what our old man was. Planned on going to sea, me and Bob, 'til I read Jack London. Started trapping when I was ten. Mailed the furs to Sears. Eight bucks for a skunk, three for a muskrat. That was fine money. Killing wildlife not good enough anymore, so you go on to bigger and better things. +Killing wildlife not good enough anymore, so you go on to bigger and better things. You got a knack for seeing things the way you want to see them. +Don't judge me. You're a joke, coming here from a fucked-up culture, telling us what to do! Yeah, it is fucked up -- but it's not too late to keep that from happening here. +Yeah, it is fucked up -- but it's not too late to keep that from happening here. All you do is keep folks from working the land, living like they're meant to. You don't understand shit! Trappers, hunters -- we're part of the environment. Who's protecting us? I've seen plenty like you. So -more- +What do you know about people? You live like an animal! A savage goddamn throwback like you belongs out here, as far away from the rest of us as possible. I'm real sad you don't approve of me. +Don't push me..! Cowardly bastard. I'm in handcuffs and I still scare the piss out of you. +They think you're in Fairbanks. If not, they still won't find you before the plane comes tomorrow. Don't bet on it. +Don't bet on it. I already have. +I already have. You don't know how true that is. +Maybe...maybe not. I'll tell you what scares me -- stumbling through life, like an ordinary jerk. That's why I want to work on the front lines, where what I do means something. Soon as I got here, I realized my job was bullshit. Oil company propaganda. I was ready to leave, then I thought screw it, I'll outsmart them, do the work anyway. I don't know anymore. Maybe I am fooling myself. That's what I'm afraid of most of all. Hell, I still get a knot in my gut every season, wondering how much longer I can go on. No 'Home for Retired Trappers' that -more- +Talk to that good-looking girl of yours? You broke the radio, remember? +You broke the radio, remember? I'm sure she's fine. Seemed like a clever kid. +You were real resourceful out there. Got me thinking of this perimeter man, froze all his fingers one winter. So he hacked the tips off and sharpened the exposed bones. Gets along better than ever. Yeah, maybe I underestimated you. I liked you better frozen. You didn't talk so much. +I liked you better frozen. You didn't talk so much. You're damn lucky, glimpsing this country before it's ruined, gone for good. You saw wonders you'd only dreamed of. That alone makes you different than the sorry bastards back where you came from, because you have dreamt them. +Emergency transmitter? What happened to signal mirrors or two-tone smoke fires? Lets us watch each other's backs over a wide area. Only thing messed me up this time was getting arrested in the baths. ELT was in my duffel bag, not around my neck where it should've been. +Lets us watch each other's backs over a wide area. Only thing messed me up this time was getting arrested in the baths. ELT was in my duffel bag, not around my neck where it should've been. No way they'll find you on a five-minute signal. And no way -more- +Maybe you can talk sense into your boyfriend. Shut up! +Answer and I'll shoot! You kill me, you sign your death warrant. And hers. +Snow's to their advantage, kid. You can't see them, but soon as that plane comes, they'll sure as hell know where we're going. Wise up. Take me to the Yukon. I'll give you that money and guarantee you'll walk away. Why offer a buyoff with your gunmen waiting outside? +Why offer a buyoff with your gunmen waiting outside? The time has passed for men like them and me. I know it. But they're still fighting for survival, like cornered animals. That's why they'll kill you. -more- +Can you walk? Wound's a through-and-through. Missed my liver, I think. +Wound's a through-and-through. Missed my liver, I think. Let's get out of here. +How come you didn't let him shoot me? Like I said, I'd still be up on that mountain, frozen solid, it wasn't for you. +Like I said, I'd still be up on that mountain, frozen solid, it wasn't for you. We'll get you to a hospital, soon as we get to Fairbanks. +Look down there, tell me what any of this matters. Struggles of men get swallowed by the bigness. Soon there won't be a trace of our troubles... or us. You're wrong. Everything we do leaves its mark. You said it yourself -- there are hundred- year-old footprints in the tundra. +Hullo, Sam. Slow day? Ben...boys. Yeah, real slow, and I'd like to keep it that way. +Ben...boys. Yeah, real slow, and I'd like to keep it that way. Just passing through. +Relax. One more day without drink won't kill you. Right, Sam? I'm living proof of that sad fact. +I'm living proof of that sad fact. Can we buy the Marshal some dinner? +Can we buy the Marshal some dinner? No, I better stay at my post. +You wouldn't shoot anyone... But I would. +All this for laying traps on private land? You left a footprint at the Sportsmen's camp. Only pretty sight there, Ben, 'cause the two men you didn't shoot and mutilate died of exposure. +Christ if I shouldn't know better than to step in soft earth. I've seen footprints in the tundra a hundred years old. I got it from here. Thanks. +I got it from here. Thanks. Sam, give Dixie here fifty bucks out of my kit, will you? +Sam, listen -- I shot to defend my man. Other guy drew first. If that was all, fine. But carving him up, stranding the others, that's too fucking much. Is everything that walks, crawls, flies or swims fair game to you? +If that was all, fine. But carving him up, stranding the others, that's too fucking much. Is everything that walks, crawls, flies or swims fair game to you? I'll get loose before that plane comes. +I'll get loose before that plane comes. Don't try me. I'll kill you if it comes to it. +You better get some sleep. Good idea. Flying over mountains can give you some nasty surprises. Go too low, one of the clouds might have a big rock inside it. +Goddammit, I don't need this aggravation. I'll shoot you, Ben. Bank on it. I don't want to hurt you, Sam. +I don't want to hurt you, Sam. I'm not too old to knock the snot out of you! +I'm not too old to knock the snot out of you! Nothing personal. +I need to rent a cabin. What's the problem with Sam Wilder's place? +What's the problem with Sam Wilder's place? Will you rent me a cabin, or not? +Will you rent me a cabin, or not? Pretty clever: If the trappers got that signal beacon and get here in time, Sam's is the first place they'll look. They may figure you're waiting for an airplane, so you can't stay in the shack by the airstrip. Last place they'd expect you is on the far side of town. I can't afford any trouble -- +Pretty clever: If the trappers got that signal beacon and get here in time, Sam's is the first place they'll look. They may figure you're waiting for an airplane, so you can't stay in the shack by the airstrip. Last place they'd expect you is on the far side of town. I can't afford any trouble -- -- Here's a hundred dollars. And if you or anyone else will back me up on this -- +-- Here's a hundred dollars. And if you or anyone else will back me up on this -- -- Forget it. And try not to bleed on my throw rugs. Why do this? +-- Forget it. And try not to bleed on my throw rugs. Why do this? If you have to ask, you wouldn't understand. +Mr. Desmond! Arthur Neff. Area rep for the Federal Assistance Plan. Tell the boys in DC to keep those goodies coming. Sure. +Sure. Snowplow, generator, TV dish... hell, we get the goddamn Playboy Channel! Here, this is for you. +You don't mind me saying, Mr. Desmond, you look like hell. Have you heard anything from the girl staying with me, Anne Marie? +Have you heard anything from the girl staying with me, Anne Marie? Not a damn thing. What's going on? Mr. Meyerling was here, all steamed up, looking for you. +Not a damn thing. What's going on? Mr. Meyerling was here, all steamed up, looking for you. Look, Neff, I've got Ben Corbett with me -- +Look, Neff, I've got Ben Corbett with me -- -- Here?! Where's Wilder? +-- Here?! Where's Wilder? Back at my place... he, uh, broke his leg. +If Corbett's men find out -- -- I'm putting him on the plane to Fairbanks, eleven tomorrow. +-- I'm putting him on the plane to Fairbanks, eleven tomorrow. Jiminy Christmas. What do you want from me? +Jiminy Christmas. What do you want from me? Corbett ruined my two-way. Go to my place on the Haul Road, tell Anne Marie I'm okay and to sit tight. +What's wrong? Just stay out of my face until I'm gone! +I was just on my way to your ladyfriend's, but I guess she found you. Yeah. Sorry I barked at you last night. +Yeah. Sorry I barked at you last night. I'm the one should be sorry... Goddamn Kenai, always out for a score. I never should've let him go over there. +Look, Mr. Desmond, I didn't count on it turning this ugly. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Bastards killed Sam, you think they won't kill the rest of us? +Bastards killed Sam, you think they won't kill the rest of us? There'll be three, four men at the most. I have some backup, nothing will happen. +There'll be three, four men at the most. I have some backup, nothing will happen. I'm real sorry. In a while, you're gone from this country. But we live here. No one wants to mix it up with those hombres. +You don't care enough about Sam to -- -- Sam Wilder was my cousin. He's why I came to Alaska. All his letters, saying what a paradise it is. But me ending up dead won't do Sam a lick of good. +Neff, you know better than this... You're an outsider, Mr. Desmond. Step aside; stay out of it. +Alleged killer. What does this matter to you? +What does this matter to you? You can't see past your lousy little assignment, sniffing around the pipeline. The few voters there are in this district look up to Corbett, and I'm not about to alienate them. +You can't see past your lousy little assignment, sniffing around the pipeline. The few voters there are in this district look up to Corbett, and I'm not about to alienate them. I should release Corbett because you want some votes? +I should release Corbett because you want some votes? This miserable wilderness is a state of the union. Policy's made here the same way as in the civilized world: at the ballot box. That's the beauty of it -- these icebox cowboys are living a century too late. Get them on your side, it's like buying Manhattan for beads. With a handful of votes you control the greatest frontier since white men stumbled onto the New World. +This miserable wilderness is a state of the union. Policy's made here the same way as in the civilized world: at the ballot box. That's the beauty of it -- these icebox cowboys are living a century too late. Get them on your side, it's like buying Manhattan for beads. With a handful of votes you control the greatest frontier since white men stumbled onto the New World. Some day these people'll wake up, and you'll be the first one they'll run out of here. +Nobody wants any more killings; we all agree to that, correct? That's good. Now, Eric, you're gonna hand your prisoner over to us. Fuck you. +Fuck you. This isn't your concern. It's over, here and now. +Bet you're right. But I didn't come by to wangle a meal -- -- We appreciate the company. Anne Marie's getting cabin fever already. +What'd you say they call these spaceships? Mobile Arctic Dwelling -- MAD. +Hey, Sam, look over there. Black and white smoke. Damn. Likely that's an SOS. Have to pass on that lunch. +Damn. Likely that's an SOS. Have to pass on that lunch. We'll go with you. +I'm too old for this shit. Any idea who could've done it? +...You give us a ride in the Cessna you got hangared at the pumping station, we'll be in Fairbanks in a few hours. That's what we should've done in the first place. +That's what we should've done in the first place. I could've sat tight for the transport, 'til Bob came poking around. +Wilder's missing church services; you believe it? I just as soon he stay gone. Fool could've got us all killed, arresting Ben Corbett here in town. +Why the smirk? Bet I could make some money turning Ben Corbett in. Maybe more for lettin' him loose. I was up in my cache. Saw the Northland man come talk to you. +Bet I could make some money turning Ben Corbett in. Maybe more for lettin' him loose. I was up in my cache. Saw the Northland man come talk to you. You're out of your greedy goddamn mind. +You're out of your greedy goddamn mind. Corbett coming here stinks of trouble. We should make the best of it before it turns around and bites us in the ass. +Corbett coming here stinks of trouble. We should make the best of it before it turns around and bites us in the ass. Stay out of it. +He saw you and Corbett come in... Dixie's waiting at the infirmary. She'll put a splint on that injured leg. +Dead. Trappers killed him. Aw, Jesus. Told you this was trouble. What about you, big shot? Do something. Who's side are you on, anyway? +LeMalle. We got a problem. Where's Mitchell? Goddamn! Viking Bob! Mitchell's inside, boring bastard... +There you go. Wilder's always chummy with the fuckin' Bambi-lovers. It's a long shot. +I called the cops in Fairbanks, see when Ben is standing trial. They don't know shit about Ben or Wilder! Get the fuck out of here. +Get the fuck out of here. It's a three-hour flight. They shoulda got there yesterday. +It's a three-hour flight. They shoulda got there yesterday. Maybe they went back to Devil's Cauldron. +Go easy. Cool out. I ain't about to get blasted. +I ain't gonna leave a seven- hundred-dollar Remington behind. What you gonna do with it? Large bore's for shit on small game. +What you gonna do with it? Large bore's for shit on small game. Not in the right hands it ain't. +Thought that door was open last night... Quit fucking around. Get in. +Look, we pull Ben's ass out of the fire, I'll get you a whole damn crate of Snickers bars. I'm right fuckin' here with you. +You hear me? Ben? Ease off. We do this my way. +Kenai's PA -- but how the fuck she seein' us? Doesn't matter. We know where they're going. C'mon. +...Ben never sent a signal. Musta never got a chance to -more- +Meaning he'll need a plane. Closest planes for hire are here in Cache. +Closest planes for hire are here in Cache. Hang on... Remember that Cessna we saw at the pumping station on the Haul Road? Belongs to the guy they got patrolling the pipeline. +Naah, Wilder knows we got friends in town. That plane might've been to throw us off the track. Remember the bait-and-switch Wilder pulled with the Eskimo and his truck? +Okay, let's backtrack, try to pick up his trail. You know the kid out on the pipeline that Wilder's buddies with? We were just talking about him. +It's Sam Wilder! Musta wanted to keep him from the bears. If Ben killed him, he sure as hell wouldn't hang him up like this. +Musta wanted to keep him from the bears. If Ben killed him, he sure as hell wouldn't hang him up like this. Where's the kid? +There's what they're waiting on! They'll have to come right past us. +This is Sam Wilder, Marshal in Devil's Cauldron. Had some killings here. I got a suspect; be real nice if someone came and took him off my hands. On a good day I couldn't spare a crosswalk guard. But now, no way. Folks're batshit with the weather turning sour. Bring him in yourself. +On a good day I couldn't spare a crosswalk guard. But now, no way. Folks're batshit with the weather turning sour. Bring him in yourself. Next plane's not coming 'til next Monday. +Next plane's not coming 'til next Monday. Sit your suspect out in the cold. He'll keep. +Sit your suspect out in the cold. He'll keep. This man's friends ain't gonna look favorably on his incarceration. +This man's friends ain't gonna look favorably on his incarceration. So shoot him. Won't have to feed him that way -- +I didn't know you had a secret admire. Huh? +Huh? You met the gift. +There is a seriously goofy man behind this. You are not allowed to block out that fact. Do you really want to go back to the runt doctors in Emergency who keep telling us they can't help? +Do you really want to go back to the runt doctors in Emergency who keep telling us they can't help? It lets a crazy man into our lives. +It lets a crazy man into our lives. Come on. Why fight when we know how it will come out. This isn't like stocking or a string of pearls. You don't send this one back. +You're not still writing that thank-you note? I'm on the last page. How do you spell conscience? +I'm on the last page. How do you spell conscience? C-o-n-s-c-i-e-n-c-e. I got Sean from the bakery to baby-sit so let's go out. +C-o-n-s-c-i-e-n-c-e. I got Sean from the bakery to baby-sit so let's go out. I still don't feel safe leaving Spencer with someone. How do you spell it again? +I still don't feel safe leaving Spencer with someone. How do you spell it again? Spencer is okay. You'd better start finding something else to do with your free time. If you can't feel good about this break and step out a little... You ought to get Mr. Udall to send you over a psychiatrist. +Spencer is okay. You'd better start finding something else to do with your free time. If you can't feel good about this break and step out a little... You ought to get Mr. Udall to send you over a psychiatrist. I don't need one 'cause I know what's really going on here. I have to finish this letter or I'll go nuts. This can't be right -- con- science. +I don't know... It's very strange not feeling that stupid panic thing inside you all the time. Without that you just start thinking about yourself -- and what does that ever get anybody. Today, on the bus there was this adorable couple and I felt myself giving them a dirty look -- I had no idea everything was... Go ahead. +Go ahead. ... moving in the wrong direction... Away from when I even remembered what it was like to have a man to... anything... hold fucking -- sorry -- hands with, for Christ's sake. I was feeling like really bad that Dr. Bettes is married. Which is probably why I make poor Spencer hug me more than he wants to... Like the poor kid doesn't have enough problems. He has to make up for his mom not getting any. Oh, boy. Who needs these thoughts? +... moving in the wrong direction... Away from when I even remembered what it was like to have a man to... anything... hold fucking -- sorry -- hands with, for Christ's sake. I was feeling like really bad that Dr. Bettes is married. Which is probably why I make poor Spencer hug me more than he wants to... Like the poor kid doesn't have enough problems. He has to make up for his mom not getting any. Oh, boy. Who needs these thoughts? Spencer's doing fine. So what are you saying, that you're frustr... +Spencer's doing fine. So what are you saying, that you're frustr... Leave me be! Why are you doing this? Why are you picking at my sores... What is it that you want?... You want what? What's with you? I hope getting me thinking of everything that's wrong when all I want is to not do this has some purpose. What is it, Mom? No kidding. +What is it you want? What? I want us to go out. +How was it talking to him? Stop treating this like I'm going away with a man. He's just going to say those crappy, sick, complaining, angry things to me. I hate this, Mom -- I hate this. He's a freak show -- the worst person I ever met. +Stop treating this like I'm going away with a man. He's just going to say those crappy, sick, complaining, angry things to me. I hate this, Mom -- I hate this. He's a freak show -- the worst person I ever met. Well, maybe he has nice friends. +Call me as soon as you're settled. I love you. +Stop it!! Why can't I have a normal boyfriend??? Why? Get out of here. Just a regular boyfriend who doesn't go nuts on me... Everybody wants that, dear -- it doesn't exit... Sorry... didn't mean to interrupt. +I'm sorry. Don't be silly. How bad? +Don't be silly. How bad? Not bad. +Hi... Did you know there are doctors who come to your house? No, I didn't. So why are you h... +He's good... And I'm an expert on doctors. Stay out of this... Doctor? +Do you love me? Uh-huh. +What? Please? Now? Tell me?! Mrs. Connelly. I'm Martin Bettes ... Dr. Bettes. +Mrs. Connelly. I'm Martin Bettes ... Dr. Bettes. Not your name... what are you telling me your name for!! Where is he? +Not your name... what are you telling me your name for!! Where is he? He's in the bathroom... He's fine. +He's in the bathroom... He's fine. Tell me how bad it is. I let him go out last night when it was so cool without an overshirt -- just and underone with just the straps and I know better... and I let him talk me into it. He was whining and... you don't need this. Give me a second to catch hold. +My wife is Melvin Udall's publisher. She says I have to take great care of this guy because you're urgently needed back at work. What work do you do? I'm a waitress. +How long has he been having problems? Since forever. +Since forever. Have they done blood tests on him? +Have they done blood tests on him? Yes. +Yes. Only in the emergency room or when he was well. +Only in the emergency room or when he was well. Emergency room only. +Emergency room only. Have they done skin testing for allergies? +Have they done skin testing for allergies? No. +No. They haven't done the standard scratch test. Where they make small injections into the skin? +They haven't done the standard scratch test. Where they make small injections into the skin? No. I asked. They said it's not covered under my plan. And it's not necessary anyway. +No. I asked. They said it's not covered under my plan. And it's not necessary anyway. It's amazing these things weren't done. +It's amazing these things weren't done. Fucking H.M.O. bastard piece of shit... I'm sorry... forgive me. +Fucking H.M.O. bastard piece of shit... I'm sorry... forgive me. No. Actually, I think that's their technical name. +No. Actually, I think that's their technical name. Once the tests come back, is there someone I can reach in your office for the results? +Once the tests come back, is there someone I can reach in your office for the results? Me. My home number is on this card. +Me. My home number is on this card. His home number. +Do you want some juice or coffee or two female slaves? Water... Nobody told you it might be a good idea to remove the carpeting and drapes in Spencer's room? +Water... Nobody told you it might be a good idea to remove the carpeting and drapes in Spencer's room? No. +Doc!!! So listen, you gotta let me know about the additional costs -- one way or the other we'll... They're considerable. But Mr. Udall wants to be billed. +I'm starving. Will you please take it? +I know. He's just the best. I've got Jews at my table. +I've got Jews at my table. It's not your table. It's the place's table. Behave. This once, you can sit at someone else's station. +The table's fine if it had some cholesterol on it. Two sausages, six bacon strips, fries, three eggs over easy and coffee. You're gonna die soon with that diet, you know that? +You're gonna die soon with that diet, you know that? We're all gonna die soon. I will. You will. It sure sounds like your son will. +"Clippity clop -- clippity clop -- she has to pretend she doesn't hear me. Listening to the story from the upset friend... now she drops off the cappuccino and smiles at the putzette who doesn't even say, ""Thank you."" No, the putzette wanted the whipped cream so back she goes and now she has to pass him again and it's getting tougher to make believe." Okay. +What's with the plastic picnic ware? Why not try ours... afraid it isn't clean? I see the help -- judgement call. +I see the help -- judgement call. "Just give yourself a little pep talk. ""Must try other people's clean silverware as part of the fun of dining out.""" +"Just give yourself a little pep talk. ""Must try other people's clean silverware as part of the fun of dining out.""" What's wrong with your son, anyway? +What's wrong with your son, anyway? What do you care? +He's gotta fight to breathe. His asthma can just shoot off the charts -- he's allergic to dust and this is New York and his immune system bails on him when there's trouble so an ear infection... Is this bothering you? No. +No. An ear infection can send us to the emergency room -- maybe five, six times a month where I get whatever nine-year-old they just made a doctor. Nice chatting with you. +An ear infection can send us to the emergency room -- maybe five, six times a month where I get whatever nine-year-old they just made a doctor. Nice chatting with you. His name? +His name? Spencer. +Spencer. Okay. +Okay. Spence. +So what are you doing with a dog? Suckered in. Set up. Pushed around. +Suckered in. Set up. Pushed around. You're not worried that someone might take him? +You're not worried that someone might take him? Well, not until now -- for Christ's sake. +Well, not until now -- for Christ's sake. Sorry. +Sorry. It's okay -- I'll sit here. +You know he's a little dog. Next time, if Bryan's not here, you can bring him in. How old are you? +How old are you? Oh, please... +Oh, please... If I had to guess by your eyes, I'd say you were fifty. +And if I had to guess by your eyes. I'd say you were kind. So, so much for eyes. But as long as you bring up age... how old are you? Otherwise, you're not ugly. +Otherwise, you're not ugly. Okay, pal... I accept the compliment, but go easy -- my knees start a-knocking when you turn on the charm full blast. +Okay, pal... I accept the compliment, but go easy -- my knees start a-knocking when you turn on the charm full blast. What's with the dark? +Last week I was playing the piano for him and he likes it, and so I decide I'm going to make a little joke... You all set here? +I'm hungry. You've upset my whole day. I haven't eaten. What are you doing here? +This is not a sexist thing. If you were a waiter I would still be here saying... Are you totally gone? This is my private home... +Are you totally gone? This is my private home... I am trying to keep emotions out of this. Even though this is an important issue to me and I have strong feelings about the subject. +I am trying to keep emotions out of this. Even though this is an important issue to me and I have strong feelings about the subject. What subject? That I wasn't there to take crap from you and bring you eggs? Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get? +What subject? That I wasn't there to take crap from you and bring you eggs? Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get? Yes, I do, as a matter of fact... and to prove it I have not gotten personal and you have. Why aren't you at work? You're not sick -- you don't look sick... just very tired and bitter. +Yes, I do, as a matter of fact... and to prove it I have not gotten personal and you have. Why aren't you at work? You're not sick -- you don't look sick... just very tired and bitter. My son is sick, okay? +What about your mother? How do you know about my mother? +How do you know about my mother? I hear you talk when I'm waiting!!! +Sorry, honey... I'll be right there. How ya doing? +Yeah, yeah... any chance you'll get back to work today? No!!! Stay away from me! +Uh, Udall? Carol the waitress? +Carol the waitress? Yes. +The doctors had your billing address. I'm sorry about the hour. I was working... can't you just drop me a thank-you note? +I was working... can't you just drop me a thank-you note? That's not why I'm here... ... though you have no idea what it's like to have a real conversation with a doctor about Spencer... +That's not why I'm here... ... though you have no idea what it's like to have a real conversation with a doctor about Spencer... Note. Put it in the note. +Note. Put it in the note. Why did yo do this for me? +Why did yo do this for me? To get you back at work so you can wait on me. +To get you back at work so you can wait on me. But you do have some idea how strange that sounds??? I'm worried that you did this because... +You waiting for me to say something? What sort of thing do you want? Look, I'll be at the restaurant tomorrow. I don't think I can wait until tomorrow. This needs clearing up. +I don't think I can wait until tomorrow. This needs clearing up. What needs clearing up? +What needs clearing up? I'm not going to sleep with you. I will never, ever sleep with you. Never. Not ever. +I'm not kidding. Okay!!!! Anything else?!? +Okay!!!! Anything else?!? Just how grateful I am. +So you'll be at work? Yes. +What's this? A thank-you note for what you did for me. +Getting loud, getting loud. He wants me to take his car and his client to Baltimore. +He wants me to take his car and his client to Baltimore. I want your life for a minute where my big problem is someone offers me a free convertible so I can get out of this city. +So. Anything else? Yes. I'm going to give my queer neighbor a lift to Baltimore. +Yes. I'm going to give my queer neighbor a lift to Baltimore. Okay. +Okay. Hey, what I did for you is working out? +Hey, what I did for you is working out? What you did changed my life. +No... no thank you notes. Well, part of what I said in this entire history of my life which you won't read is that somehow you've done more for my mother, my son and me, than anyone else ever has... And that makes you the most important, surprising, generous person I've ever met and that you be in our daily prayers forever. +Well, part of what I said in this entire history of my life which you won't read is that somehow you've done more for my mother, my son and me, than anyone else ever has... And that makes you the most important, surprising, generous person I've ever met and that you be in our daily prayers forever. Lovely. +Lovely. I also wrote one part... I wrote I'm sorry... I was talking about I was sorry when I got mad at you when you came over and you told my son that he ought to answer back so I wrote that. I was sorry for busting you on that... and I'm sorry for busting in on you that night... when I said I was never... I was sorry and I'm sorry every time your food was cold and that you had to wait two seconds for a coffee filler... +Nice of you... thank you. Thank you. +Thank you. Now I want you to do something for me. +"Oh, I'm sorry... Didn't I say, ""what?"" I thought I said, ""what?""... What?" I want you to go on this trip. +I want you to go on this trip. No, sir... +No, sir... I can't do this alone. I'm afraid he'll pull the stiff one eye on me. I need you to chaperon. Separate everything but cars. You said you liked convertibles. Now I'm on the hook. +I can't do this alone. I'm afraid he'll pull the stiff one eye on me. I need you to chaperon. Separate everything but cars. You said you liked convertibles. Now I'm on the hook. The stiff one eye? +The stiff one eye? Two days. +Two days. I can't. I work. +I can't. I work. You take off when you have to. +You take off when you have to. My son. +My son. Bettes tells me he's doing fine. +Bettes tells me he's doing fine. Melvin, I'd rather not. +Melvin, I'd rather not. What's that got to do with it? +What's that got to do with it? Funny, I thought it was a strong point. +Funny, I thought it was a strong point. Write me a note and ain't she sweet. I need a hand and where'd she go. +Write me a note and ain't she sweet. I need a hand and where'd she go. Are you saying accepting your help obligates me!? +Are you saying accepting your help obligates me!? Is there another way to see it? +Is there another way to see it? No. +Hello? Are you still coming? +Are you still coming? Yes. +Melvin... I'd like to know exactly where we are going. Just south to Baltimore, Maryland. So I know what you're going to ask next. That you might ask -- I'm not certain. +Just south to Baltimore, Maryland. So I know what you're going to ask next. That you might ask -- I'm not certain. There's... there's no need to bring anything dressy... or... I mean -- I didn't know if we'd be eating at any restaurant that have dress codes. +There's... there's no need to bring anything dressy... or... I mean -- I didn't know if we'd be eating at any restaurant that have dress codes. Oh. We might. Yes. We can. Let's. +Oh. We might. Yes. We can. Let's. Okay, gotcha. What did you think I was going to ask? +Okay, gotcha. What did you think I was going to ask? Whether crabs are in season there now... +Whether crabs are in season there now... Oh. Okay, then -- Melvin. Good night. +Hi. Thanks for being on time... Carol, the waitress, this is Simon, the fag. +Thanks for being on time... Carol, the waitress, this is Simon, the fag. Hello... Oh, my God, who did that to you? +I was going to do that for you. It's okay. No problem. Where should we sit? +It's okay. No problem. Where should we sit? I -- uh, I... Well, there is no place cards or anything. +I -- uh, I... Well, there is no place cards or anything. Let me go in back. You look like you need all the room you can manage. +Thanks, Melvin. Welcome. +I'm sure, Simon, they did something real off for you to feel this way... But when it comes to your partners -- or your kid -- things will always be off for you unless you set it straight. Maybe this thing happened to you just to give you that chance. Nonsense! +Nonsense! Anybody here who's interested in what Melvin has to say raise their hands. +Hey -- you let him... You like sad stories -- you want mine. +... my father didn't leave his room for 11 years -- he hit my hand with a yardstick if I made a mistake on the piano. Go ahead, Simon. Your father walked in on you and was yelling and... really, come on. +That's not true. Some of us have great stories... pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just not anybody in this car. But lots of people -- that's their story -- good times and noodle salad... and that's what makes it hard. Not that you had it bad but being that pissed that so many had it good. No. +No answer... Maybe we should just drive there tomorrow. Can I have that one? Yes... sure. I'll take the sofa. +My son was outside playing soccer. I never saw him playing ball. Come on, you guys -- take me out for a good time... Take me out dancing. Dancing? +Stop asking everyone. Just him and that's it. Okay, you can answer -- we've worked it out. +No... I'm not wearing that -- and just in case you were going to ask I'm not going to let you inject me with plaque either. You promised a nice place -- can't you just... You have these dry cleaned all the time, don't you? +You wanna dance? I've been thinking about that since you brought it up before. +I've been thinking about that since you brought it up before. And? +And? No... ... I don't get this place. They make me buy an outfit but they let you wear a house dress. I don't get it. +No. Wait. What? Why? I didn't mean it. You gotta sit down. You can still give me the dirty look... just sit down and give it to me. Melvin, pay me a compliment... I need one and quick... You have no idea how much what you said just hurt my feelings. +Melvin, pay me a compliment... I need one and quick... You have no idea how much what you said just hurt my feelings. That monominute somebody gets that you need them they threaten to go away. Never fails. +That monominute somebody gets that you need them they threaten to go away. Never fails. That's not compliment, Melvin... That's just trying to sound smart so I feel stupid... A compliment is something nice about somebody else... Now or never. +That's not compliment, Melvin... That's just trying to sound smart so I feel stupid... A compliment is something nice about somebody else... Now or never. Okay. +And mean it... Can we order first? +Two crab dinners and pitcher of cold beer. Baked or fries? Fries. +Fries. One baked -- one fries. +I am so afraid you're about to say something awful... "Don't be pessimistic. It's not your style. Okay... Here I goes... Clearly a mistake. I have this -- what? Ailment... And my doctor -- a shrink... who I used to see all the time... he says 50 or 60 percent of the time a pill can really help. I hate pills. Very dangerous things, pills. ""Hate,"" I am using the word ""hate"" about pills. My compliment is that when you came to my house that time and told me how you'd never -- well, you were there, you know... The next morning I started taking these pills." +"Don't be pessimistic. It's not your style. Okay... Here I goes... Clearly a mistake. I have this -- what? Ailment... And my doctor -- a shrink... who I used to see all the time... he says 50 or 60 percent of the time a pill can really help. I hate pills. Very dangerous things, pills. ""Hate,"" I am using the word ""hate"" about pills. My compliment is that when you came to my house that time and told me how you'd never -- well, you were there, you know... The next morning I started taking these pills." I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me. +That's maybe the best compliment of my life. Then I've really overshot here 'cause I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out. +So how are you doing with those pills? Well, I hopahopahopa. Takes months to know... They work little by little. Talking like this is exhausting. +Have you ever let a romantic moment make you do something you know is stupid? Never. +Never. Here's the trouble with never. +You don't owe me that. That wasn't payment. When you first came into breakfast, when I saw you -- I thought you were handsome... Then, of course, you spoke... So now that your soft li'l underbelly is all exposed. Tell me, why did you bring me? +Well, ah... that's a personal question. Tell me even if you're scared. Tell me why you wanted me here. It's okay. +"If you ask me... I'll say, ""yes.""" There are lots of reason... I had a thought that if you had sex with Simon it might... +There are lots of reason... I had a thought that if you had sex with Simon it might... Sex with Simon? +Sex with Simon? It's one idea... +It's one idea... That's why you brought me? Look at me! Is that really why you brought me... Like I'm a what and I owe you what?! +That's why you brought me? Look at me! Is that really why you brought me... Like I'm a what and I owe you what?! I don't know why I brought you -- that idea occurred to me is all... It came out first... Hey, you kiss him -- me... He says he loves you. You two hit it off. But you don't want to... fine... Forget what I said about sex with Simon. It was a mistake. +I don't know why I brought you -- that idea occurred to me is all... It came out first... Hey, you kiss him -- me... He says he loves you. You two hit it off. But you don't want to... fine... Forget what I said about sex with Simon. It was a mistake. I'll never forget you said it. +I'll never forget you said it. It was a mistake. +Sorry, didn't realize she was right there. Did you have sex with her? To hell with sex. +Nothing like no choice to make you feel at home. Let me see... Ahh, gorgeous! +Let me see... Ahh, gorgeous! Do it then. Get the dog picked up. I can't believe you let it stay there. +I don't want to hear that music right now. What do you mean? You said you liked it. +What do you mean? You said you liked it. I don't. +I don't. This one has a special meaning. +This one has a special meaning. It's your car but I don't want to hear it. If that means anything. +Here are the keys to my apartment. I'm going to park you in my place while I take Carol home. I'll take a bus. +I'll take a bus. I'll take you... why not? +I'll take you... why not? I don't care what you did for me. I don't think I want to know you anymore -- all you do is make me feel badly about myself. You have my number. +Hello. Yeah... Well... +Yeah... Well... How you doing? +How you doing? I can trust my brain. +I can trust my brain. That seems like a good choice. +That seems like a good choice. I don't know whether I'm being sensible or hard on you. +I don't know whether I'm being sensible or hard on you. The two might go together. +The two might go together. See. There's an example. I don't know whether you're being cute or crazy now. +See. There's an example. I don't know whether you're being cute or crazy now. Cute. +Cute. You don't have to answer everything I say. Just listen to me. Okay? +Okay to say something now? Go ahead. +Go ahead. I should've danced with you. +I should've danced with you. Okay. Good-bye. +Okay. Good-bye. So long. +What do you want, Melvin? Were you asleep? +Were you asleep? What do you want? +What do you want? 'Cause if you were asleep -- I'm sorry. And you could be grouchy. +'Cause if you were asleep -- I'm sorry. And you could be grouchy. Grouchy? +Grouchy? ... 'Cause of being woken up, and it would make my job impossible. So then I wouldn't even try. +... 'Cause of being woken up, and it would make my job impossible. So then I wouldn't even try. What job? +What job? Were you asleep? +Were you asleep? What are you doing here? +I wasn't asleep!! What a break... +What a break... Is it a secret what you're doing here? +Is it a secret what you're doing here? I had to see you... +I had to see you... Because... +Because... It relaxes me... I'd feel better just sitting on the curb in front of your house than anyplace else I can think of or imagine. +Boyfriend? Oh, come on in and try not to ruin everything by being you. +Oh, come on in and try not to ruin everything by being you. Maybe we could live without the wise cracks. +It feels a little confined here. Let's take a walk. See. It's four in the morning. A walk sounds a little screwy to me, if you don't mind. +See. It's four in the morning. A walk sounds a little screwy to me, if you don't mind. If you need an excuse, there's a bakery on the corner. There's a shot it'll open soon -- that way we're not screwy -- we're just two people who like warm rolls. +If you need an excuse, there's a bakery on the corner. There's a shot it'll open soon -- that way we're not screwy -- we're just two people who like warm rolls. Okay. +I'm feeling... I've been feeling better. Melvin, even though it may seem that way now -- you don't know me all that well... I'm not the answer for you. +Hey, I've got a great compliment for you. You know what? I... +You know what? I... Just let me talk. I'm the only one on the face of the earth who realizes that you're the greatest woman on earth. I'm the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing you do -- in every single thought you have... in how you are with Spencer -- Spence... ... in how you say what you mean and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good... +No! It's certainly not. No -- I don't think so. No. I'm gonna grab you. I didn't mean it to be a question. I'm gonna grab you. +I don't know the last time I've been out of the city... Hey, my arms are tanning. I used to tan great. We gotta stop soon so'se I can check on Spencer. I'm sorry... I can't hear you. I can't turn my head all the way yet... tell her we can't hear her. +Do you want to know what happened with my parents? Yes. I really would. +Yes. I really would. Well... +Well... No, let me pull over so I can pay full attention. +I don't blame you... This is a monumental first day out... You sad or anything? No... Nervous. It would be very rough, Carol, if you weren't along. +No... Nervous. It would be very rough, Carol, if you weren't along. What a nice compliment. +Was this supposed to be your room? Our room. I don't want to see him and he's not going to come knocking on your door. +Can you not be violent? I don't think so. You need help with the pants? +I don't think so. You need help with the pants? No!!! +No!!! I'm going to take a big bath and order a big meal. +I'm going to take a big bath and order a big meal. Uh-huh... +Uh-huh... I'm sorry... are you okay? +I'm sorry... are you okay? Well, considering everything's horrible and tomorrow I have to face my parents... Don't ask me ... I'm sick of my own complaints ... got to get me a new set of thoughts. +Well, considering everything's horrible and tomorrow I have to face my parents... Don't ask me ... I'm sick of my own complaints ... got to get me a new set of thoughts. Why? What have you been thinking about? +Why? What have you been thinking about? How to die, mostly. +How to die, mostly. Can you believe in our little mix you're the good roommate. +Good night. Good night. +I've got to sketch you. No... Absolutely not. I'm shyer than you think. I give the wrong impression sometimes and... +No... Absolutely not. I'm shyer than you think. I give the wrong impression sometimes and... I haven't even been thinking about sketching for weeks. +I haven't even been thinking about sketching for weeks. Stop staring. Do a vase. +Stop staring. Do a vase. But you're beautiful... your skin glows. +But you're beautiful... your skin glows. Thanks. But I just want to take a bath and... +Thanks. But I just want to take a bath and... That long neck -- the line of you... you're porcelain... your back goes on forever. You're classic... you're why cavemen chiseled on walls... +That long neck -- the line of you... you're porcelain... your back goes on forever. You're classic... you're why cavemen chiseled on walls... All right, cut me a break. +We held each other. It was better than sex. What I need he gave me great. I just love her. How're you doing? +But what about... I'll take care of myself -- +One night with me! You think you're kidding. +I love you... Let him take you home. Don't want to. I love you. +What the heck are those for? No. No. Get Carol. +No. No. Get Carol. I'm filling in. We don't know if she's coming back. She might have to get a job closer to home. +I'm filling in. We don't know if she's coming back. She might have to get a job closer to home. What are you trying to do to me? +What are you trying to do to me? What the heck do you mean? +What the heck do you mean? Hey, elephant girl, call her or something... just let her do my one meal here. I'll pay whatever. I'll wait. Do it!!! +Help! If you want to see me you will not do this. You will make an appointment... +If you want to see me you will not do this. You will make an appointment... "Explain to me how you can diagnose someone as ""obsessive compulsive disorder"" and then act like I have any choice in barging in." +"Explain to me how you can diagnose someone as ""obsessive compulsive disorder"" and then act like I have any choice in barging in." There's not going to be a debate. You must leave. +You said you could help me -- what was that -- a tease? I can help you if you take the responsibility to keep regular app -- +I can help you if you take the responsibility to keep regular app -- You changed the room around... +You changed the room around... Two years ago... +I also regrew my beard... but you're not interested in changes in me... so it's like I always told you... when it comes to people you... Shhhhhhh. I don't have this mountain of available time... I got to get to my restaurant on time. Do you know how hard it is for me to be here? +Shhhhhhh. I don't have this mountain of available time... I got to get to my restaurant on time. Do you know how hard it is for me to be here? Yes. No. +He's genuinely upsetting, isn't he? Won't worry about it. You go ahead. +Hey, hey... Haaa... bad but temporary. The nurses say it's much better than you looked three weeks ago... the hand will come back... they're sure... Jackie, will you hand me the mirror? +So, what's new anyway? How's Verdell? Your neighbor -- Udall -- is taking care of him. +Your neighbor -- Udall -- is taking care of him. How could you do that? He'll hurt him. +How could you do that? He'll hurt him. No, I promise... not a chance. I own this guy. There was no one else. I'm on the move too much. Trust me. +No, I promise... not a chance. I own this guy. There was no one else. I'm on the move too much. Trust me. You are very certain my dog is okay... because you have no idea... +You are very certain my dog is okay... because you have no idea... Yes. Your dog is fine, Simon. +I'm sorry that I'm not taking you. So am I, Frank. +Simon, you've got to get dressed. What I know is that as long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a fuck what or where you shove your show. Are we being neighbors for now? +Definitely a package you don't want to open or touch. Hope you find him. I love that dog. +No touch. No touch. No touch. You may think you can intimidate the whole world with your attitude, but I grew up in Hell. My grandmother had more attitude. You don't intimidate me. +You may think you can intimidate the whole world with your attitude, but I grew up in Hell. My grandmother had more attitude. You don't intimidate me. Police! Police! Fucking crooked police... doughnut-munching morons help me! Assault and battery and you're black. +Police! Police! Fucking crooked police... doughnut-munching morons help me! Assault and battery and you're black. Shhhh now. I like Simon. I like him enough to batter you unrecognizable if you verbally abuse him or so much as touch his dog again. Meanwhile, I'll try and think how you can make this up to him. I hate doing this. I'm an art dealer. Have a nice day. Party! +"You're taking him... yes... you're taking him -- this will clear the books. One night. You want to say ""no"" to me? Try... because I've never felt as nuts as I do right this second. I almost want you to try saying ""no.""" I'm not saying nothing to you. +I'm not saying nothing to you. Thanks for looking after him. +Hey, where are you going? You can't do this. I can't take a dog. Nobody's ever been in here before. You don't want to mess with me today. I'll figure something else out tomorrow. +How's Verdell doing? He's a pain in the ass. +Simon's home. I was sort of hoping you could keep the dog until he's had a chance to think and adjust... It's been five weeks... another few won't kill me. +It's been five weeks... another few won't kill me. No. He wants him back. He'll be by tomorrow. +No. He wants him back. He'll be by tomorrow. Okay by me. +It's not my dog and this Simon seems to have enough on his mind -- but he did throw up twice and his spark is off. Sure -- take him to the vet. +Sure -- take him to the vet. I did. And his stomach is out of whack. So they need him for a couple of days. +I did. And his stomach is out of whack. So they need him for a couple of days. Do it. +She's nice. Really nice. Shouldn't that be a good thing... telling someone, 'no thanks required.' +Really nice. Shouldn't that be a good thing... telling someone, 'no thanks required.' It looks like it really went over. You're sure making the rounds. Simon says you brought him soup last night. I hope he doesn't write you a note. +What? """What?"" Look at you... You sense a mark." +"""What?"" Look at you... You sense a mark." Hey -- you called me... I... +Hey -- you called me... I... About a dog. +About a dog. Yeah, but it's all about Simon now... you helped with the dog... And now there are other things. I'm just as concerned as you are about Simon. +Yeah, but it's all about Simon now... you helped with the dog... And now there are other things. I'm just as concerned as you are about Simon. Concerned. I'm just the hall monitor here. +Concerned. I'm just the hall monitor here. It's not only financial assistance. What he's got to do is go to Baltimore tomorrow and ask his parents for money. It's not going to happen on the phone. +It's not only financial assistance. What he's got to do is go to Baltimore tomorrow and ask his parents for money. It's not going to happen on the phone. Yeah. If his parents are alive they've got to help -- those are the rules. Good. +Yeah. If his parents are alive they've got to help -- those are the rules. Good. Yes. And tomorrow? I have a high maintenance selling painter coming through... So I'm out. Can you take him? +Yes. And tomorrow? I have a high maintenance selling painter coming through... So I'm out. Can you take him? Think white and get serious. +Take my car -- a convertible. Do you drive? Like the wind but I'm not doing it. +Okay... so I'll see you tomorrow. Let's not drag this out. We don't enjoy another that much. If there's some mental health foundation that raises money to help people like you be sure to let me know. +If there's some mental health foundation that raises money to help people like you be sure to let me know. Last word freak. +Good evening. Hi. You have hard shells, right? +Yes, we do... And I can give you a tie and jacket. What? +What? They require a tie and jacket but we have some available. +Actually, I don't think so. Wait here. +Shall I get her for you? No, it's all right. I'll just watch. +How you doing, great one? I haven't looked at myself yet. I figured I could tell from your reaction. +No. Please, don't force him. You little stinker. He's given you everything. +Sorry. What are those cards? Frank's idea. He thought I should have notes so I did this right... maintained focus, didn't get emotional and tried not to terrify you. +Frank's idea. He thought I should have notes so I did this right... maintained focus, didn't get emotional and tried not to terrify you. Terrify me? +Terrify me? See, he's right. I need the cards. Simon, you're broke. +The medical bill are 61 thousand now. I've spoken to your parents and they didn't hang up or anything -- they just said they would feel strange calling you. Well, I can't reach them. +Frank loves you. You know that... but I've spoken to him and he feels that -- -- as a businessman, with limited resources... I'll be able to keep my apartment and studio, won't I?... Just tell me. +Is he dead yet? No! Would there be any way for you to be willing to walk his dog for him? +No! Would there be any way for you to be willing to walk his dog for him? Absolutely. +Absolutely. Not just today -- Uh, could you do it -- until, until he gets back on his feet? +Not just today -- Uh, could you do it -- until, until he gets back on his feet? Sure thing. +Sure thing. You're a wonderful man. Two o'clock is a good time. Here's the key in case he's asleep. Open the curtains for him, so he sees God's beautiful work and knows that even things like this happen for the best. +You're a wonderful man. Two o'clock is a good time. Here's the key in case he's asleep. Open the curtains for him, so he sees God's beautiful work and knows that even things like this happen for the best. "Where'd they teach you to talk like this -- some Panama City ""Sailor want to hump-hump bar""? Or was today getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey. Sell crazy some place else -- we're all stocked up here." +Okay. So you call 911 and don't leave your name -- even a dumb geezer should know that emergency automatically pulls up your name. How come you make a mistake like that? How come you're pretending to do cop work -- 'cause I don't think you could find your ass if you were spotted the hole. +How come you're pretending to do cop work -- 'cause I don't think you could find your ass if you were spotted the hole. What? +What? Just move on. No one here killed him. +Just move on. No one here killed him. Oh, is he dead? +Oh, is he dead? Ask him. +Ask him. We will if we can and if we can't, we'll come back and ask you again and again. +Mr. Udall... excuse me. Hey there! Have you seen Verdell? What's he look like? +My dog... you know... I mean my little dog with the adorable face... Don't you know what my dog looks like? I got it. You're talking about your dog. I thought that was the name of the colored man I've been seeing in the hall. +Which color was that? Like thick molasses, with one of those wide noses perfect for smelling trouble and prison food... +Frank Sachs -- Melvin Udall. How're you doing? +How're you doing? Franks shows my work, Mr. Udall. I think you know that. +Mr. Udall, I'd like to talk to you please. 'Love was... ' +Yeeeess!!! Maybe this can wait. +I found Verdell, Mr. Udall. Well, that's a load off. +Did you... do something to him? Do you realize that I work at him? +Do you realize that I work at him? No, I didn't. +No, I didn't. Do you like to be interrupt when you are danging around in your little garden? +Do you like to be interrupt when you are danging around in your little garden? No... actually, I even shut the phone off and put a little piece of cardboard in the ringer so no one can just buzz me from d... +No... actually, I even shut the phone off and put a little piece of cardboard in the ringer so no one can just buzz me from d... Well, I work all the time. So never, never again interrupt me. Okay? I mean, never. Not 30 years from now... not if there's fire. Not even if you hear a thud from inside my home and a week later there's a smell from in there that can only come from a decaying body and you have to hold a hanky against your face because the stench is so thick you think you're going to faint even then don't come knocking or, if it's election night and you're excited and want to celebrate because some fudge-packer you dated has been elected the first queer President of the United States... and he's going to put you up in Camp David and you just want to share the moment with someone... don't knock ... not on this door. Not for anything. Got me. Sweetheart? +Well, I work all the time. So never, never again interrupt me. Okay? I mean, never. Not 30 years from now... not if there's fire. Not even if you hear a thud from inside my home and a week later there's a smell from in there that can only come from a decaying body and you have to hold a hanky against your face because the stench is so thick you think you're going to faint even then don't come knocking or, if it's election night and you're excited and want to celebrate because some fudge-packer you dated has been elected the first queer President of the United States... and he's going to put you up in Camp David and you just want to share the moment with someone... don't knock ... not on this door. Not for anything. Got me. Sweetheart? Yes. It's not a subtle point you're making. +Yes. It's not a subtle point you're making. Okay, then. +That's some face they left hanging on you. You look like... Could you take it just a little easy, Mr. Udall? +Thank you. Verdell... sweetheart? By the way, thanks for saving me. I called. I never touched you. I didn't leave my name or nothing. +I called. I never touched you. I didn't leave my name or nothing. Verdell? +Maybe I'll bring him some food by. Thank you for walking him. +If you'll excuse me I'm not feeling so well. It smells like shit in here? +It smells like shit in here? Go away. +Go away. That cleaning woman doesn't... +That cleaning woman doesn't... Please, just leave. +Please, just leave. Where are all your queer party friends? +Where are all your queer party friends? Get out. +Nothing worse than having to feel this way in front of you? Nellie, you're a disgrace to depression. +Nellie, you're a disgrace to depression. Rot in hell, Melvin. +Rot in hell, Melvin. No need to stop being a lady... quit worrying -- you'll be back on your knees in no time. +Well, I'll do one thing for you that might cheer you up. Get out. +Get out. Don't piss on a gift, tough guy. You want to know why the dog prefers me... it's not affection. It's a trick. +I carry bacon in my pocket. Oh, my gosh. +Oh, my gosh. Now we'll both call him. +Now we'll both call him. Come on, sweetheart... +Come on, sweetheart... Yo, yo, yo... +Would you leave now, please? Stupid dog. I don't get it. +I brought you Chinese soup. Thanks. +Thanks. I have never been so tired in my life. Okay, if I sit here? +I have never been so tired in my life. Okay, if I sit here? Got any easier questions? +I haven't been sleeping. I haven't been clear or felt like myself. I'm in trouble. Some son of a bitch is burning my bridges behind my back... But the tiredness -- boy... Not just sleepy. But sick -- nauseous -- where everything looks distorted and everything inside just aches -- when you can barely get up the will to complain. +But sick -- nauseous -- where everything looks distorted and everything inside just aches -- when you can barely get up the will to complain. Yeah... +I, uh... I was... attacked. Walked in on people robbing me. I was hospitalized. I almost died. Let's do the small talk in the car. Load up. +That's very thoughtful. Never a break. Never. +Well, I always painted. Always. And my mother always encouraged it. She was sort of fabulous about it actually... and she used to... I was too young to think there was anything at all wrong with it... and she was very natural. She used to pose nude for me... and I thought or assumed my father was aware of it. This stuff is pointless. +Not it at all, really. Not at all, huh?!... Let's go to the hotel. And if you're lucky tomorrow Dad will give you another wad of sweaty money. +Do you ever get an erection for a woman? Melvin... +Melvin... Wouldn't your lie be a lot easier if you were not... +Wouldn't your lie be a lot easier if you were not... You consider your life easy. +You consider your life easy. I give you that one... Nice packing. +I get why you're angry. It's no snap to explain why I was like that, but let's not try to do it on the run... ... so Mom. Truly no grudges -- truly. A little odd that you didn't come to see me when you heard I was hurt, but the important thing I want you to know is your son is happy. I'm working again. I'll make do -- I don't want a thing. Wouldn't take it if it was offered. I'll drop you a note from wherever I land and then it's up to you. I hope we patch things up but know that if we don't, I wish you both the very best... I can't hear you. You heard me, though, right? Good -- take good care. 'Bye. +... Now he's going to want to stay. And they'll want to take a ride to the lake or whatever. So it's a good five hours back. It gives us a chance to take it easy and... I'm going back with you. +What are you talking about? You got real problems. I know. I'm a little bit nervous. Suddenly everything seems so easy. Carol, a load has been lifted. +Good-bye. Well, your luck is holding. They sublet your place. You're homeless. Frank's got a line on another place you can use for now. Another place where? +Another place where? Does it matter? +I told you to go on in. Look, I've got to get a hold of Frank and see where I'm hanging my hat 'cause... +I think you gotta camp it here... What are you talking about? +Thank you, Melvin. You overwhelm me. They did a nice job... Cozy, huh? +They did a nice job... Cozy, huh? I love you. +Sorry, didn't know you were awake. I just thought Verdell shouldn't get too used to sleeping in here 'cause then... Look, we both want the dog -- and... +You going to come talk to me or not? I'm coming. +What did she say? "I'm a great guy -- ""extraordinary""... ... and she doesn't want contact with me. I'm dying here." +"I'm a great guy -- ""extraordinary""... ... and she doesn't want contact with me. I'm dying here." Because... ... you love her? +Because... ... you love her? No... and you're supposed to be sensitive and sharp. +No... and you're supposed to be sensitive and sharp. "Okay... you tell me why -- ""You're dying here.""" +"Okay... you tell me why -- ""You're dying here.""" I don't know... Let me sleep on it and figure it out. Because I'm stuck! Can't go back to what I had... She's evicted me from my life. +I don't know... Let me sleep on it and figure it out. Because I'm stuck! Can't go back to what I had... She's evicted me from my life. Did you like it that much? +Did you like it that much? It was better than this... Look, you, I'm very intelligent. If you're going to give me advice or conversation or consolation or hope, you got to be better than you're doing. If you can't be at least momentarily interesting than shut the hell up. I'm drowning and you're describing water. +It was better than this... Look, you, I'm very intelligent. If you're going to give me advice or conversation or consolation or hope, you got to be better than you're doing. If you can't be at least momentarily interesting than shut the hell up. I'm drowning and you're describing water. Picking on me won't help. +Picking on me won't help. Well, if that's true then I'm really in trouble. +Well, if that's true then I'm really in trouble. But you know where you're lucky? +But you know where you're lucky? Absolutely not. +Absolutely not. You know who you want. I'll take your seat any day. So do something... don't sleep on it... go over there. I don't think anybody should ever sleep on anything -- it's not always good to let things calm down. +You know who you want. I'll take your seat any day. So do something... don't sleep on it... go over there. I don't think anybody should ever sleep on anything -- it's not always good to let things calm down. Hey... I'm charged here. But she might kill me for showing up this late. +Hey... I'm charged here. But she might kill me for showing up this late. Then get in your jammies and I'll read you a story... I think you've got a chance. The only real enemy you have is her ability to think logically -- the best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself if it gives you one chance in whatever -- so go catch her off- guard. +Then get in your jammies and I'll read you a story... I think you've got a chance. The only real enemy you have is her ability to think logically -- the best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself if it gives you one chance in whatever -- so go catch her off- guard. Okay. Thanks a lot. Here I go. +What's wrong? I forgot to lock the door. +I can't resist. You usually move through here so quickly and I have so many questions I want to ask you. You have no idea what your work means to me. What's it mean? +What's it mean? That somebody out there knows what it's like to be... in here. +That somebody out there knows what it's like to be... in here. Oh God, this is like a nightmare. +Oh God, this is like a nightmare. Aw come on, just a couple of questions -- how hard is that? +How do you write women so well? I think of a man and take away reason and accountability. +Exactly what is your previous experience? How about that pose? This is not fun... Give me some direction. +"Nothing. I just watch till something strikes me. Do anything you think of -- try different thing. Until I say, ""hold that pose."" Then just try and comfortably hold it." "The fact that you haven't said, ""hold it"" means I haven't done it right... is that correct? I haven't done it right?" +"The fact that you haven't said, ""hold it"" means I haven't done it right... is that correct? I haven't done it right?" No... Okay. What I do is watch and wait for, um... You ever watch someone who doesn't know you're watching... an old woman on a bus, kids going to school and you see this flash come over them and you know immediately that it has nothing to do with anything external -- that it's in respond to a private thought they just had? They are just sort of realer and more alive. And when you notice it so are you. If you look at someone long enough, you discover their humanity. +So you're practically finished, huh? Yes... well, there's one more stage -- trying to figure out if it's any good. +Wait -- I want to see the painting. Just a second -- he has to go. +Just a second -- he has to go. Please!! NO!!! +Why are you doing this? No. No. No. Hey, that painting in there... I just want to tell you... +Is there a problem? No. No problem. The airport, right? +No. No problem. The airport, right? Right. +Yeah. Yeah, I'm a waiter. Where? +Where? What? +What? What restaurant? +What restaurant? Uh, Fontella's +Uh, Fontella's So you're from around here? +So you're from around here? No. No I'm not. +Where you from? What is this? +What is this? Not too good at small talk, eh? +Not too good at small talk, eh? Look, I'm real tired and I'm not interested in fucking chit-chat. +Look, I'm real tired and I'm not interested in fucking chit-chat. I know just what you mean. I'm pretty beat myself. +Why? What happened? Didn't you here all them sirens? It's been all over the radio. Some guy shot Leevio Valli, and a bunch of bystanders, in the Trattoria Roma. +Didn't you here all them sirens? It's been all over the radio. Some guy shot Leevio Valli, and a bunch of bystanders, in the Trattoria Roma. No shit. +No shit. Yeah, it's terrible. I mean Valli, and I don't care what office he's running for, the guy's a crook. He probably had it coming, but all the other people. Real sad. +Yeah, it's terrible. I mean Valli, and I don't care what office he's running for, the guy's a crook. He probably had it coming, but all the other people. Real sad. Yeah. +Yeah. But they caught the guy. I heard it all. Sounded like he just went berserk, fucking loco. Shooting anybody. Drugs, probably. +But they caught the guy. I heard it all. Sounded like he just went berserk, fucking loco. Shooting anybody. Drugs, probably. Probably. +Probably. I'd love to sit in that jury. Send that S.O.B. right to the chair. +What are you doing? What? +What? That was Peterson back there. That goes to the expressway for the airport. +That was Peterson back there. That goes to the expressway for the airport. You're right. Talking too much again. +You're right. Talking too much again. Yeah well, you just blew your tip, pal. +Yeah well, you just blew your tip, pal. What? You think I'm running you up? +What? You think I'm running you up? Just do your job. +What are you doing? Get out. You think I'm running you up? Get out. +Get out. You think I'm running you up? Get out. You can't -- +You can't -- The hell I can't. It's my cab. I don't like you. So, get the hell out! +Sit back. Put your seatbelt on. No fucking way. +No fucking way. Okay, don't. +Boy, that's fucking genius. You're a fucking genius. Then you're just sitting there, bullshitting with me. Man, no way I coulda done that! What's your name? We both know it's not Nicholai. +What's your name? We both know it's not Nicholai. Holy shit! Robert Rath wants to know my name. +Bain. Michael Bain. How long have you been freelance? +How long have you been freelance? Two years. Two long fucking years. +Hey. What I don't get was why didn't you take the shot inside the restaurant? I mean you had me, a free shot. That's what I would have done. It's just a shoot-out then. Sixty- forty, at best. Not my odds. +It's just a shoot-out then. Sixty- forty, at best. Not my odds. Sounds like chickenshit -- +You don't have to tell me that. It's just, I know my bid was low, but was it too low? I mean, did I seem like an amateur, like I didn't know what I was doing? We both know what you were doing. +Oh! I got a question. Jesus, this has been driving me crazy for years -- shit, listen to me. I sound like some fucking fanboy. I'm sorry, but I just got to ask you. Everybody talks about how you left the Agency and got into the business and then how you went after the Russian, Nicholai Talinkov -- Tachlinkov. +Tachlinkov. Yeah, that's it. And he's like a fucking genius. They said he shaded you over and over. And in the end, he aced you again. Shaded and faded. They say he's living on some Greek island, but I say that's fucking bullshit. I say you're the best and that you planted his ass. Am I right? +Robert Bain, driving me! Jesus fucking Christ! After those cops, you'll never be able to come back to Cleveland. +After those cops, you'll never be able to come back to Cleveland. Who the fuck cares about Cleveland. Cleveland blows. What kind of marks have they got here? Greasy mobster, teamster or some hand job politician. I want the money marks. I want the marks that you get. +So what happens now? We go around once. +We go around once. Bullshit. +Okay. What? What's okay? +What are you doing? There's a sand barricade up ahead; I'm going to ram this cab into it. The cab has an airbag, odds are good I'll survive. But with this steel casing and bullet proof glass, odds for you are not so good. +No, no. Wait. You don't want me to jump. You're going to jump. I'm stuck back here until it's too late. Wham -- over! I know you're going to jump. +How'd you know? Just tell me that. How'd you fucking know? I knew the same way in ten years you're going to know. +I knew the same way in ten years you're going to know. What does that fucking mean? +What does that fucking mean? It means that I'm going to tell you things, even though I already know that you're not going to listen to a God damned thing I say. +Listen to me, Bain. Two days ago, you contacted your contractor, who told you that they knew when and where I was going to pick up the transferred money from MicroCell. You don't know how they got the information. It bothered you, but you didn't care. How do I know this? Because ten years ago, I was sitting in that chair, as scared shitless as you are now. I ain't scared of you. +I ain't scared of you. Yeah you are and you hate it. You hate the fact that your hand is shaking and mine isn't. That you're sweating your balls off and I'm not. You've got fear and hate in your belly like battery acid, all because of me. +Yeah you are and you hate it. You hate the fact that your hand is shaking and mine isn't. That you're sweating your balls off and I'm not. You've got fear and hate in your belly like battery acid, all because of me. If you think you can take me, quit fucking bullshitting and try it. +If you think you can take me, quit fucking bullshitting and try it. All right, Bain. Pay attention, because this is where everything changes. +Five million dollars? That's right. +That's right. Shit. That sure is a lot of money. +Did you see how I did that? Magic wasn't it? What? +What? You understand what's going on? It makes sense, right? +You understand what's going on? It makes sense, right? Oh, yeah. +Oh, yeah. What I just said, no assassin would say. What I've said, only a mark would say. +You think I would be an idiot to pass up five million dollars. You would be. +You would be. You don't know a fucking thing about me. You don't have the slightest fucking clue. +You don't know a fucking thing about me. You don't have the slightest fucking clue. Why don't you tell me. +Why don't you tell me. I'll tell you this. After Cleveland, I thought I was lucky to be alive. But now, here, I just realized that you were the lucky one. +I'll tell you this. After Cleveland, I thought I was lucky to be alive. But now, here, I just realized that you were the lucky one. Now I'll tell you something. It wouldn't fucking matter if I offered you one hundred million dollars. You'd still be thinking the same thing, that you're going to take me. And here I am, sitting through this, knowing it's bullshit, looking at you and the only thing going on in my mind, the only thing I can think is that, in just a few minutes I'm going to take you. +Game over, bitch! Bain! +I'm on the scent. You're too late. +Michael? No. No. No. I don't believe it. +No. No. No. I don't believe it. They money will be standard bank transfer. We believe we will know where and when. +They money will be standard bank transfer. We believe we will know where and when. What? +Such language in front of a lady. I don't give a fuck what you are. I asked you -- +How in the fuck do you know that? Do you want Rath or not? +Hi. Up ahead my boss is in that black limo. We're not sure which hotel we're at, so could you just follow them? Sure. +Good afternoon. We have reservations at the Hotel Paraiso in Costa Blanca. Yes, sir. +No, no. I said the Hotel Paraiso. Yes. This is the Hotel Paraiso. +Yes. This is the Hotel Paraiso. No, the other Hotel Paraiso, in the city. Near the Plaza del Sol. +No, the other Hotel Paraiso, in the city. Near the Plaza del Sol. I'm sorry, sir. A year ago there was a fire in the old Hotel Paraiso. This is the new Hotel Paraiso. +I'm sorry, sir. A year ago there was a fire in the old Hotel Paraiso. This is the new Hotel Paraiso. Take us there. +Where have you been, Robert? Sick. The flu. +Sick. The flu. I don't believe you. +Send the file. I'll have the estimate tonight. I'm worried about you, Robert. +What? The contract was stolen. +Who? A new player. He's using the name Nicholai. +How did he know? Know what? +Know what? The fucking contract! How in the fuck did he know. +I don't know what the fuck you are. I know. It was a joke. +Deadline? Tomorrow. The buyer is Japanese. His retirement a condition of the bonus. +Who is the mark? Freelancer. A woman. Surveillance specialist. +Hello, Robert. The contract? +The contract? Paid in full. +I have been sitting on a contract from Cleveland for six days because of you. Fuck you, fuck Cleveland, and fuck your contracts -- +I know what happened. I bet you fucking know! +I bet you fucking know! It cost us. +I give a fuck? I'm done! I quit! Do you fucking hear me! I'm fucking gone! He stole another contract. +Is this how it went, Nick? Robert? Robert? +You think this is a fucking joke? $1,000,000. +A player? We have an M.O... Her system is protected by her 'pussy virus.' +What? He has to clean up. How many bodies were there? +He has to clean up. How many bodies were there? Um, five. +Um, five. One hour per man. +Get on the expressway. Where are we going? +Nikita? She helped me find you. What? How did you know I had a cat? +What? How did you know I had a cat? Took a guess. Lucky for you, I guessed right. +Took a guess. Lucky for you, I guessed right. Who the fuck are you? Who do you work for? +Who the fuck are you? Who do you work for? I work for the government. +I work for the government. Yeah? +Bullshit. Yeah. +Yeah. You're one of them, aren't you? A fucking pro. +You're one of them, aren't you? A fucking pro. I'm part of the game, just like you. +Twenty large? That's all? What do you mean, 'that's all'? What in the hell do you know? +What do you mean, 'that's all'? What in the hell do you know? The bonus on the contract for you was one million dollars. +I figure that means these are worth ten times that, maybe more. Ten million -- +Ten million -- Now you understand why I'm here. +Now what? Turn off the engine. +You want me to pump? No, stay in the car. I want you to understand something. If I intended to kill you, you would already be dead. +Okay. How did you find me? You're the computer hacker, you tell me. +You're the computer hacker, you tell me. You didn't know anything about me. +Nikita? Yellow Pages. V for veterinarian. There aren't that many. +You're one of them, aren't you? 'Them'? +'Them'? An assassin? +An assassin? Until a minute ago. +Until a minute ago. What does that mean? +What does that mean? If I still was what I used to be, you would not be pointing that at me. +Who is that other guy? Another contractor. +Another contractor. Someone hired both of you? +Someone hired both of you? No. They hired Bain. The contract would have been mine, but Bain took it from me as he took the previous one. +No. They hired Bain. The contract would have been mine, but Bain took it from me as he took the previous one. So this is something between you and him? +So this is something between you and him? He stole the contract knowing that I would come after him. +He stole the contract knowing that I would come after him. Why? +Why? Because he is trying to retire me. +Because he is trying to retire me. He wants to kill you? +He wants to kill you? Yes. +Yes. Why? +Why? The nature of the business. You remove your competition. +The nature of the business. You remove your competition. And you want to use me to get him? +And you want to use me to get him? Yes. +Yes. Forget it! +Forget it! We don't have a choice. +Don't tell me I don't have a choice! Right. +Right. I'm two seconds away from making my choice which means you've got two seconds to tell me why I shouldn't shoot you. +I'm two seconds away from making my choice which means you've got two seconds to tell me why I shouldn't shoot you. It's simple. You need me. I need you. And we will both need money. +It's simple. You need me. I need you. And we will both need money. I don't need you to get the money -- my money! +I don't need you to get the money -- my money! If it hadn't been for me, you would be dead. +I don't need the money. This is something that is never going to end. You can never work in the business again with this contract, because he will find you. To survive, you have to go into deep hiding. And that's going to take money, a lot of money. +This is something that is never going to end. You can never work in the business again with this contract, because he will find you. To survive, you have to go into deep hiding. And that's going to take money, a lot of money. Then you can have the disks and I'll just walk out that door -- +Then you can have the disks and I'll just walk out that door -- If you walk out that door, Bain will still come after you. +If you walk out that door, Bain will still come after you. Why? +Why? Because he took a contract on you. He'll come for you and he'll find you. +Because he took a contract on you. He'll come for you and he'll find you. You don't know that -- you're trying to scare me. +You don't know that -- you're trying to scare me. No. It's the truth. I know what you are. Like me, like Bain, you're a ghost, you're not part of the real world. You don't have a social security number. You don't pay taxes. You've probably used ten different names over the last ten years. A long time ago something probably happened, something illegal and you ran, you disappeared and it was easy. You think you can do it again. But I'm telling you, fading from the law is nothing. No matter what you do, where you go, I swear to you that Bain will find you. +No. It's the truth. I know what you are. Like me, like Bain, you're a ghost, you're not part of the real world. You don't have a social security number. You don't pay taxes. You've probably used ten different names over the last ten years. A long time ago something probably happened, something illegal and you ran, you disappeared and it was easy. You think you can do it again. But I'm telling you, fading from the law is nothing. No matter what you do, where you go, I swear to you that Bain will find you. How? +How? Right now, as we sit here, he is tearing through your apartment. He is digging through your drawers, emptying your closets. He will take your telephone and address books, your appointment books. If you keep a diary, he is reading it. He'll go into the kitchen and find out what kind of food you eat, liquor you drink, cigarettes you smoke. In the bathroom he will find any prescription drugs you take and where you get them filled. If you have video tape or recordings he will watch and listen to all of them. +Oh Jesus Jesus... He will know everything about you. Everything. I know, because I've done it. Once you've been inside a mark's home, you're in their head. If you're any good, you'll find the mark in a week, and Bain is good because I was the best and I couldn't take him. +Listen -- I don't even know your name. Rath. Robert Rath. +Rath. Robert Rath. Electra. +Electra. Just Electra? +Just Electra? Yeah. +Yeah. As in daughter of Agamemnon? +As in daughter of Agamemnon? No. Just Electra. +What I'm trying to say is that -- I'm not sure I can do this, help you, unless I know more about you. What do you want to know? +What do you want to know? If Bain hadn't taken the contract on me, would you have? +No. Why? +Why? Because I'm done. +Because I'm done. This is crazy. I can't trust you. You can't trust me. How can we possibly help each other? +With computers. It's not the same, is it? +It's not the same, is it? Better than playing with yourself. +Had? He was Russian. Nicholai Tachlinkov. A legend in the business when I was just starting. I admired him. When I heard he loved chess I became obsessed with the game. +It looks like white's game. We played with a code using The New York Times obituaries. Over three years we played twelve matches. I never won. +We played with a code using The New York Times obituaries. Over three years we played twelve matches. I never won. Why didn't you finish this game? +He was... taken. He was killed. +I killed him. Why? +Why? Because that's how it works. That's what it's about. He was the best. He was on top. +Because that's how it works. That's what it's about. He was the best. He was on top. Where you wanted to be? +Where you wanted to be? Yes. As soon as you get into this business, all you can think about is getting to the top. That's all there is. Until then, there is nothing. You are nothing. +Yes. As soon as you get into this business, all you can think about is getting to the top. That's all there is. Until then, there is nothing. You are nothing. How did you get into the business? +How did you get into the business? The same way everyone does; the government, the Agency. +The same way everyone does; the government, the Agency. The C.I.A.? +The C.I.A.? More or less. +More or less. How old were you? +How old were you? They recruited me when I was in high school. +They recruited me when I was in high school. Jesus -- why? +Jesus -- why? Languages. I was already fluent in nine languages. +Languages. I was already fluent in nine languages. You were like a boy genius? +You were like a boy genius? Some people said that. I never thought so. +Some people said that. I never thought so. Why not? +Why not? I was just different. +I was just different. You went from high school to the Agency? +You went from high school to the Agency? No. I graduated from George Washington University. Then I entered the Agency training program. +No. I graduated from George Washington University. Then I entered the Agency training program. They didn't give you a choice, did they? +They didn't give you a choice, did they? No, they didn't. +No, they didn't. But you knew what they were training you for? +But you knew what they were training you for? Of course. I was going to be James Bond. +Of course. I was going to be James Bond. Ahhhh... +Ahhhh... They are very good at what they do. It's very seductive. The training, the weapons, the travel -- +They are very good at what they do. It's very seductive. The training, the weapons, the travel -- The exotic women. +The exotic women. Women? No... not really. +Women? No... not really. Why not? +Why not? Women... I don't... I don't want to talk about women. +Women... I don't... I don't want to talk about women. Why? +Why? Because you are a women. +Because you are a women. Why did you leave the Agency? +Why did you leave the Agency? The same reason everyone does. You hear your name on C-SPAN and you realize you're a skeleton in someone's closet and they're coming to bury you. +The same reason everyone does. You hear your name on C-SPAN and you realize you're a skeleton in someone's closet and they're coming to bury you. They tried to kill you? +They tried to kill you? Yes. It didn't matter much to them as long as I disappeared. +Yes. It didn't matter much to them as long as I disappeared. Then you went freelance? +Then you went freelance? The only thing different about the private sector is that a General Contractor takes less of a percentage than the government, so you make more money. Then once you make the transition, you realize you were never working for the government; it was always the private sector, the vested interests and it's the same vested interests that continue to buy your plane tickets. +The only thing different about the private sector is that a General Contractor takes less of a percentage than the government, so you make more money. Then once you make the transition, you realize you were never working for the government; it was always the private sector, the vested interests and it's the same vested interests that continue to buy your plane tickets. Tell me about the first time. +Tell me about the first time. My first take? +My first take? Yes. +Yes. Why? +Why? Because I want to know. +Because I want to know. It was... mechanical. Very precise. It was exactly like the training drill except for the adrenaline. +It was... mechanical. Very precise. It was exactly like the training drill except for the adrenaline. Are they usually like that? +Are they usually like that? No. Just the first one. +No. Just the first one. After that? +After that? They become complicated... messy. +They become complicated... messy. Did it ever bother you? +Did it ever bother you? Did it ever bother James Bond? +Did it ever bother James Bond? That's fiction. +That's fiction. This is fiction! Don't you see that? This is another reality. And the people that come into the world to play this game -- nobody forces them! They're here, they know the rules, the stakes, the risks! Do you understand what I am saying? No one is innocent -- including you! +This is fiction! Don't you see that? This is another reality. And the people that come into the world to play this game -- nobody forces them! They're here, they know the rules, the stakes, the risks! Do you understand what I am saying? No one is innocent -- including you! Does that mean it didn't bother you? +Is that what you wanted to hear? Something cold blooded... something remorseless... No. Something honest. +It. Tell it. For all I know it could be a machine. You said you didn't trust it. +You said you didn't trust it. I don't. +Do you have a passport? Several. +Several. Good. +Good. Where is it? +Where is it? Mexico. +Hey, where are you? Thinking. +Thinking. About? +About? Nothing. +I've never been to the Gulf of Mexico. Is it as nice as they say? I don't know. +I don't know. You were there? +That's where he'll be. What? +What? I wasn't expecting this. I need to think. +No. Why not? +Why not? It helps me to focus. It centers me, helps me think. +It helps me to focus. It centers me, helps me think. Oh. What do you think about? +Oh. What do you think about? Work. The things I need to get done. +Do you think about the game? Yes. +Yes. But you've never figured out a way to win. +But you've never figured out a way to win. No. +No. Not even a stalemate? +Not even a stalemate? No. +No. What happens if you do? +What will you do if this works, if we get the money? I don't know... maybe I'll live on a boat, sail to all the places I've never been. +I don't know... maybe I'll live on a boat, sail to all the places I've never been. That sounds nice. +I'm kind of tired. I think I'd like to try and get some sleep. You can have the bed. The chair is fine for me. +Do you think he's here? Here? +Here? In Costa Blanca. +In Costa Blanca. Yes. +What do you think he's doing? I don't know... But I'm sure he's not sleeping. +Breakfast. Why don't you bring it out here? It's beautiful out here. +I know what you are thinking. I'm not going to disappear, okay? I'm not going anywhere, just down there, to that beautiful beach. I got to get out of this room, just for a little while. Okay. +Okay. Really? +Really? He won't be looking for you. Just be careful. Buy a book. Keep your sunglasses on. +He won't be looking for you. Just be careful. Buy a book. Keep your sunglasses on. Book. Sunglasses. Great. +You should knock. Sorry. +Sorry. How was the beach? +How was the beach? The beach? It was nice. +Where did you learn it? Taiwan. +Taiwan. Not that I would know, but you look like you're really good at it. +Not that I would know, but you look like you're really good at it. Thank you. +Thank you. I've always wanted to learn something like that. +I've always wanted to learn something like that. You should. It's very important, that the body release the energy that builds in it. +Two way? Transmits and receives. +Transmits and receives. Cheap as shit. +I paid a lot for these. They saw you coming a mile away. If I had known we'd be using -- +They saw you coming a mile away. If I had known we'd be using -- It's too late now. Okay? We'll have to deal with these. +It's too late now. Okay? We'll have to deal with these. Fine. +This is the bank. This is the hotel. In the morning I will enter the bank. Check. +Check. He will be hidden somewhere out here, probably somewhere low, in the crowd. He'll stay there until he sees me enter the bank. +He will be hidden somewhere out here, probably somewhere low, in the crowd. He'll stay there until he sees me enter the bank. But he won't shoot you right then? +But he won't shoot you right then? No. It would be amateur. A risk. He'll wait for the prime shot, that he knows is coming. Once I'm inside, he'll move to the hotel. He'll go up the back, too much traffic in the front. +You'll be here. A restaurant. A public place far enough away that he won't notice you, but with a good enough view you'll be able to see him when he moves inside. Okay. Then what? +Okay. Then what? Then, we wait. +Then, we wait. Aiiee. More waiting? I don't know if I like this plan. +Aiiee. More waiting? I don't know if I like this plan. It will take the entire day, but he will begin to doubt himself. He will begin to believe that he missed me, that somehow I slipped by and am already on a plane to Europe. +The sun will be low, almost dark, the air cool and the bank will almost be closed. 5:45. 5:50. He will put the rifle down, he will get up and he will walk across the plaza to the bank. Why won't he wait until the bank closes? +Why won't he wait until the bank closes? He won't be able to. He'll have to go inside. He'll have to see with his own eyes, whether or not I am there. If the bank closes, he won't know for sure. He'll come. I'm sure. And when he does you'll go into the hotel, go upstairs and take the gun. +He won't be able to. He'll have to go inside. He'll have to see with his own eyes, whether or not I am there. If the bank closes, he won't know for sure. He'll come. I'm sure. And when he does you'll go into the hotel, go upstairs and take the gun. What? What if he brings it with him? +He can't. The bank has an expensive security system; metal detectors and X-ray machines. That means you won't have a gun. +That means you won't have a gun. That's right. +That's right. And with the mikes, I'll tell you when he leaves the hotel and you'll tell me when he leaves the bank. +And with the mikes, I'll tell you when he leaves the hotel and you'll tell me when he leaves the bank. If things go well, I don't have to. You'll already be in a rented car waiting for me. +If things go well, I don't have to. You'll already be in a rented car waiting for me. You'll have the money. How do I know that you won't -- +You'll have the money. How do I know that you won't -- I'll be walking out of the bank, unarmed. You'll have the gun and I'll drive the car. +I'll be walking out of the bank, unarmed. You'll have the gun and I'll drive the car. We split the money? +We split the money? Five million apiece. You get on your plane, I get on mine. +Five million apiece. You get on your plane, I get on mine. Sounds pretty well figured out. +Sounds pretty well figured out. I've been thinking about it for a long time. +I've been thinking about it for a long time. Except -- +Except -- What? +What? Except, if he doesn't come out of the hotel. +Except, if he doesn't come out of the hotel. I told you, he will. +I told you, he will. You can't know for sure, how can you? I mean, you're not him. +You can't know for sure, how can you? I mean, you're not him. I was. +Ten years ago, I sat there in that same hotel window, sweat pouring off of me waiting -- For Nicholai? +For Nicholai? Yes. +Yes. You killed him here? In this city, outside that bank? +What is it? I don't like this at all. What is going on here? I don't know. It just happened. I was here ten years ago, I'm here now. That's it. +I don't know. It just happened. I was here ten years ago, I'm here now. That's it. I don't believe that. +I don't believe that. It wasn't planned or premeditated. I swear. Things happened beyond my control. I understood; I saw where they were leading and I suppose that it just made sense. +It wasn't planned or premeditated. I swear. Things happened beyond my control. I understood; I saw where they were leading and I suppose that it just made sense. Ten years ago. +Ten years ago. Yes. +Yes. What happened? +What happened? I waited until I was insane and then I walked into the bank. He was sitting there, very calm, waiting for me. +I waited until I was insane and then I walked into the bank. He was sitting there, very calm, waiting for me. What did he want? +What did he want? He wanted what I want now; to get out of the business. To disappear to some empty Greek island. +He wanted what I want now; to get out of the business. To disappear to some empty Greek island. What did he say? +What did he say? He said I couldn't win. That no one wins at this game. +He said I couldn't win. That no one wins at this game. Was that it? +Was that it? Then he offered me one million dollars to walk away, to quit the business. +Then he offered me one million dollars to walk away, to quit the business. You didn't take it. +You didn't take it. No. I went back to the hotel. And waited. +No. I went back to the hotel. And waited. Ten years later, here you are again. +Ten years later, here you are again. Yes. Here I am again. +Do you have ulcers? No. +No. I think I got one today. +I think I got one today. Five million dollars will buy a lot of Rolaids. +Why did you trade a bishop for a knight? I hate bishops. They're useless. I like knights. +I hate bishops. They're useless. I like knights. They're worth less points. +They're worth less points. So? +Did you think they were newlyweds? I didn't notice them. +I didn't notice them. When I first saw them I thought they were married. +When I first saw them I thought they were married. How do you know they're not? +How do you know they're not? I went into their room this afternoon. +I went into their room this afternoon. What? +What? It was no big deal. I saw them leave, I went in. +It was no big deal. I saw them leave, I went in. Jesus, if someone had -- +Jesus, if someone had -- Nobody ever sees me. +Nobody ever sees me. Why in the hell would you take that chance? +Why in the hell would you take that chance? I heard them last night and it made me want to know something about them. I wanted to, so I did. +She is married, but not to him. Another man, much older. She has four kids. The young guy works for her. And I think she likes kinky sex. Thank you. +Thank you. Isn't it interesting though? I mean, look at us, in this room. Or yesterday, when we were walking in the plaza market. I mean, we look like just another couple. But what are we? Doesn't it seem so crazy? +Isn't it interesting though? I mean, look at us, in this room. Or yesterday, when we were walking in the plaza market. I mean, we look like just another couple. But what are we? Doesn't it seem so crazy? No. +No. No? +No? It's always been that way. The world has always functioned on two levels. +It's always been that way. The world has always functioned on two levels. I know. It makes me crazy. +I know. It makes me crazy. Why? +Why? I don't know. When I was in college, I was forced to go to a psychiatrist because I was caught drilling holes in my dorm room floor. +I don't know. When I was in college, I was forced to go to a psychiatrist because I was caught drilling holes in my dorm room floor. And you were drilling these holes...? +And you were drilling these holes...? So I could watch the girl that lived under me. +So I could watch the girl that lived under me. Apparently this doctor was unable to cure you. +Apparently this doctor was unable to cure you. He told me that my curiosity became unnaturally entangled with my sense of self-preservation. +He told me that my curiosity became unnaturally entangled with my sense of self-preservation. Did he explain how this happened? +Did he explain how this happened? He believed it all went back to one night, when as a little girl. I watched my parents have this big fight, really big. I thought my mother was going to kill my father. Then they went into their room and made up. And I watched them make love through the keyhole. +What are you doing? What? +What? That's a ridiculous move. +That's a ridiculous move. Why? +Why? Because, I'll take it. +Because, I'll take it. I'm playing white, remember. You can't tell me which pieces to move. It doesn't work that way. +Can I ask you something? I'm sure you will. +I'm sure you will. Am I attractive? +Yes. Are you attracted to me? +Are you attracted to me? Yes. +Yes. Why? +Why? Why? I don't know. +Why? I don't know. Is it a physical thing, or a mental thing? +Is it a physical thing, or a mental thing? Both. +Is that why you didn't want to talk about women before? I didn't want to complicate the situation. +I didn't want to complicate the situation. Attraction is a complication? +Attraction is a complication? It can be. +It can be. It happened to you before? +It happened to you before? Yes. +Yes. Who was she? +Who was she? Someone like me, like you. A pro. +Someone like me, like you. A pro. What happened to her? +What happened to her? She was taken. +She was taken. Did you -- +Did you -- No. I tried to stop it. I couldn't. +No. I tried to stop it. I couldn't. Was she the only one? +Was she the only one? After her, I realized that to survive I had to live without... It's dangerous to let things become complicated. +After her, I realized that to survive I had to live without... It's dangerous to let things become complicated. Is this becoming complicated? +Is this becoming complicated? I'm not sure that I care anymore. +Were you attracted to me right away? No. +No. When did it start? +When did it start? Honestly? +Honestly? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. When I gave you my gun and you almost shot me. +When I gave you my gun and you almost shot me. Maybe you should see a psychiatrist. +Maybe you should see a psychiatrist. Why? +Why? That doesn't sound normal. +That doesn't sound normal. I'm not normal. +I'm not normal. I know. That's why I'm attracted to you. I mean, you make me nervous. You're intimidating. Maybe it's my curiosity/self-preservation thing, but all I can really think about right now is kissing you. +Martin. Martin. +Four minutes. What? +What? I waited another four minutes. +I waited another four minutes. Shit. +Shit. Wait until he is on the stairs. +Wait until he is on the stairs. Right. +Right. I'm taking off my mike. +I'm taking off my mike. Okay. +Okay. Electra -- +Electra -- What? +What? Last night -- +Was nice. Yes. +He's coming, Electra! Get out now! Oh, God. I see it! +I wasn't watching television. The point is, they are paying for information. Real information. Not tooth paste brands. Not whether he wads of folds his toilet paper. And no 16 hours of recorded phone sex. You are wasting everyone's time with this shit. +The point is, they are paying for information. Real information. Not tooth paste brands. Not whether he wads of folds his toilet paper. And no 16 hours of recorded phone sex. You are wasting everyone's time with this shit. I thought it was interesting -- +I thought it was interesting -- God damnit, Electra. This is not a game. This is business. +God damnit, Electra. This is not a game. This is business. Right. In my hands I have five back-up disks he made of all of his work last night. +Right. In my hands I have five back-up disks he made of all of his work last night. Jesus! Why didn't you tell me? +Jesus! Why didn't you tell me? I'll make my usual arrangements and expect my usual bonus. +I'll make my usual arrangements and expect my usual bonus. Electra -- +Electra -- A pleasure doing business with you. +Hi. Did you call -- Yes. Please come in. +I prefer it like this. How can a beautiful man like you be shy? +Would you like a drink? I'd love one. Whatever you're having. +Why are you working today? Holidays are our busiest days. No one likes to be alone on holidays. I know I don't. +You're very good at this aren't you? I think you're supposed to answer that question. +That's okay, hon, I always expect the unexpected. I called because I just want... I need to talk. +For what? Honesty. +Do you ever regret things you've done? Everyone regrets something. +Everyone regrets something. But when you finLsh a job, afterwards do you think about them? +But when you finLsh a job, afterwards do you think about them? Sometimes. +Sometimes. Do you think about their wives or their families? +Do you think about their wives or their families? No. They call me, I don't call them. If they didn't call I wouldn't exist. +Do you ever think about starting over? All the time. +All the time. Can you tell me about it? +Then, I'll sail alone. Do you believe that? +Do you believe that? Are you asking me if I believe in another life? +Is that all you want? Yes. +Thank you. Anytime. +How much farther? Just a little ways. Up to those trees. +Hey, do you mind if I talk a little? I feel like, I don't know, talking I guess. Sure. +Sure. Funny, I've never been a talker. My wife was always getting on me about that. 'Say what you feel, tell me what's bothering you, you ve got to talk to me.' I never would though. Not really. +Funny, I've never been a talker. My wife was always getting on me about that. 'Say what you feel, tell me what's bothering you, you ve got to talk to me.' I never would though. Not really. Why not? +Why not? I don't know. Part of me wanted to but part of me always said, 'What's she going to be able to do?' I don't know. Maybe I didn't trust her. +I think I've heard of you. It's possible. +It's possible. You're pretty famous aren't you? +You're pretty famous aren't you? I hope not. +I hope not. I know this may seem like a strange question, but can I ask you how much the contract was for -- not to insult you or anything, I know you're a professional, but just for me, I was just wondering. +I know this may seem like a strange question, but can I ask you how much the contract was for -- not to insult you or anything, I know you're a professional, but just for me, I was just wondering. It's a common question. +It's a common question. Oh yeah? I guess we still need to see that price tag. Like art, right? You hang some painting that looks like baby-puke in your living room only if it costs a bundle. +Oh yeah? I guess we still need to see that price tag. Like art, right? You hang some painting that looks like baby-puke in your living room only if it costs a bundle. A dime. +A dime. One hundred thousand? That's it? Jesus... Is that a lot? +One hundred thousand? That's it? Jesus... Is that a lot? Average. +Average. Shit... oh well. +I have been thinking about this for a long while. I knew this day was coming. I knew someday someone would make the call on me. I never thought about anyone that I had whacked. What do you call it anyway? Taken. +Taken. 'Taken.' That's nice. When I had someone taken I would call our General Contractor, transfer the money and as soon as I hung up the phone I forgot about them. +'Taken.' That's nice. When I had someone taken I would call our General Contractor, transfer the money and as soon as I hung up the phone I forgot about them. Everyone who plays the game knows the rules. +Everyone who plays the game knows the rules. That's exactly what I told myself. +Don't know. That's how it works. That's what our General Contractor told us but how can you trust someone like that? +That's what our General Contractor told us but how can you trust someone like that? Right. +Right. I thought that I would be thinking about Margaret, or work, or that I'd be having these deep, profound and depressing thoughts but I'm not. I'm trying to think really profound thoughts, but I can't. It seems very funny to me. +I thought that I would be thinking about Margaret, or work, or that I'd be having these deep, profound and depressing thoughts but I'm not. I'm trying to think really profound thoughts, but I can't. It seems very funny to me. What are you thinking about? +What are you thinking about? I'm thinking about Moonpies. Ain't that funny? I haven't had a Moonpie since I was ten years old. Right now, I'm thinking how much I'd love one. +I'm thinking about Moonpies. Ain't that funny? I haven't had a Moonpie since I was ten years old. Right now, I'm thinking how much I'd love one. And an R.C. +Can I ask you something? Go ahead. +Go ahead. What do other guys do? +Everyone handles it differently. Some are ready, some are not. Do they get down on their knees, begging and crying? +Do they get down on their knees, begging and crying? Some. +Some. When I thought about this, that was always there, in the back of my head, that image of me on my knees, crying. It wouldn't go away and it would really upset me. It was something that I could never get away from... but now, I feel it's okay. I feel good. +When I thought about this, that was always there, in the back of my head, that image of me on my knees, crying. It wouldn't go away and it would really upset me. It was something that I could never get away from... but now, I feel it's okay. I feel good. Can I ask you a question? +Can I ask you a question? Anything. +Anything. Why didn't you fade? +Why didn't you fade? You mean quit? +You mean quit? Yeah. +Yeah. I used to think about it. I had Margaret. She wanted kids. I thought about moving somewhere far away like, Europe. I could see all of that, the first part, the getting away but I couldn't see that next part. 'Then what?' So I'd stop thinking about it and go back to work. You understand? +I used to think about it. I had Margaret. She wanted kids. I thought about moving somewhere far away like, Europe. I could see all of that, the first part, the getting away but I couldn't see that next part. 'Then what?' So I'd stop thinking about it and go back to work. You understand? Yeah. +Look at that. I haven't watched the sun set in a million years. Do you mind? No. +You wish to close this account today? That's correct. +That's correct. How would you like the funds? +How would you like the funds? American currency. +American currency. This will take some time. +This will take some time. I have all day. +Excellent, senor. If you could follow me? I'm sorry, but I am waiting for an associate. Can you hold everything for me until he arrives? +I'm sorry, but I am waiting for an associate. Can you hold everything for me until he arrives? Of course, senor. +Of course, senor. Thank you. +That's true Doug, writers are supposed to write. And pay for their drinks occasionally. +What are you having? A coke, if they have it? +A coke, if they have it? Hey Doug, you want a beer? +Cheers Katka! Naz dravi!.....What do you like about this place, these people, Chris? +Naz dravi!.....What do you like about this place, these people, Chris? I don't know. It's kind of underground. Doug's right, there's too much crap in this town. +I don't know. It's kind of underground. Doug's right, there's too much crap in this town. I used to think he was right about a lot of things but now I don't know. I thought he was going somewhere but now I think I am wasting my time. +I used to think he was right about a lot of things but now I don't know. I thought he was going somewhere but now I think I am wasting my time. No, you guys are great together. He'll come through, I'm sure. +So how's your work? It's okay, they're training me on the cash register and after I hope to work on one of the jewellery counters. +It's okay, they're training me on the cash register and after I hope to work on one of the jewellery counters. Sounds cool.....Do you think he's serious about squatting a place? +Sounds cool.....Do you think he's serious about squatting a place? I don't know, I don't care. I see too much of him and he's changed. He used to be busy at the magazine. But now he's been doing nothing for months, like he doesn't care about anything, including me. +I don't know, I don't care. I see too much of him and he's changed. He used to be busy at the magazine. But now he's been doing nothing for months, like he doesn't care about anything, including me. Well, he sure seems fired up all of a sudden. +Well, he sure seems fired up all of a sudden. It won't last, believe me. And you, when will you go back to the States? +It won't last, believe me. And you, when will you go back to the States? I don't know, maybe I'll enrol for postgrad' studies next Autumn. +Your a good guy Chris you deserve a nice girl. Like you? +Like you? No, better than me. You know, I have many friends, you should meet more of them. +He_s the closest we've got to an intellectual. What's that? A Democrat with an attitude! +Fresh from the shrink I'd say! Yeah, group bloody therapy time. +What is it with that Josh guy? Who does he think he is shoving that Reflections rag down our throats? Son of the American ambassador and a banker - good enough? +Son of the American ambassador and a banker - good enough? Wanker more like, what does he know about writing. +How to make a buck! Yeah right!....I don't know, something isn't right with this place, it's all too sterile and staged. Do you ever wonder why there's no Czechs here? +Yeah right!....I don't know, something isn't right with this place, it's all too sterile and staged. Do you ever wonder why there's no Czechs here? Because it's in English? +Because it's in English? Yeah, but it's not just that. To the Czech mind, any movement, whether political or literary should be underground. If it isn't, then it's not radical and not worthy of a look-in. +Yeah, but it's not just that. To the Czech mind, any movement, whether political or literary should be underground. If it isn't, then it's not radical and not worthy of a look-in. But we are underground? +But we are underground? No you don't get it. Every cabby in town knows this joint. So where's the mystery, the danger? +Inspirations a fickle thing, you don't realise you had it till it's gone. And not even then sometimes. +You guys having a go a me or what? We're only joking.....It is your round though! +We're only joking.....It is your round though! Well, this place is too expensive so you've had it. +Sorry Katka, but I'm with Doug on this. You're outnumbered Kat two to one, got to go with the majority, that's democracy. +What about that squat bar you showed me, is that open on a Sunday? Yeah, let's check out the low-life. +Anything in it? No, just crap. I want some picture frames. +No, just crap. I want some picture frames. Never heard of K-MART? +I don't have the money for those Bourgeois traps. Hell, I'm making what a Czech earns. Yeah and they manage to go to bourgeois joints! +It all comes down to ideology and they've lost theirs. If I'd been here ten years ago, maybe they wouldn't be in the mess they are today. What's that? Free! +What's that? Free! Just because they've got a choice of four McDonalds, doesn't mean they can afford a cheeseburger. +Just because they've got a choice of four McDonalds, doesn't mean they can afford a cheeseburger. Give'em a break Doug, all it takes is a little work. +Who's your friend? That's Lubosh, the greatest fiddle player in Prague. You must have seen him playing with Johnny on the bridge. ......Come on, let's grab a table. +Hmm..Smells good. Cheers! What did the beer cost? +What did the beer cost? Fifteen crowns. +Fifteen crowns. This place is getting expensive too, used to be twelve. +This place is getting expensive too, used to be twelve. Still, fifty cents ain't bad. +Oh yeah, what's that? An alternative literary venue! +An alternative literary venue! I ain't sure poetry will go down too well here. +I ain't sure poetry will go down too well here. No, it's the whole idea behind it. How did they get this place? +No, it's the whole idea behind it. How did they get this place? Squatted it. +Squatted it. Right and not just the bar, Lubosh and his mates took the whole freakin' building. +Right and not just the bar, Lubosh and his mates took the whole freakin' building. So? DOUG Well, there's tons of empty buildings - why don't we get one? +What we need is a space for real performance art. A cultural exchange for radical expressionism. "You've got to stop using that word ""we"" it's getting kind of scary. Right Katka?" +He's not drunk, he's crazy. Maybe, but someone's got to make a stand. +Maybe, but someone's got to make a stand. Like Custer huh? +Like Custer huh? These guys think the West is just MTV and Hollywood movies. We've got to show them there's more to it. +Good news comrades, it's better than we'd hoped. Lubosh filled me in on the legal side of squatting here and it's a piece of cake. Care to elaborate? +Care to elaborate? Well, providing we're treated like Czechs and we squat something that's not privately owned, we should be in the clear; at least DOUG until they get an eviction order and bring in the bailiffs. +Well, providing we're treated like Czechs and we squat something that's not privately owned, we should be in the clear; at least DOUG until they get an eviction order and bring in the bailiffs. "Amazing, he didn't even say ""if""." +"Amazing, he didn't even say ""if""." "No ""if's"" or ""but's"" it's a cinch. Do you want to know what the icing is?" +Okay, we're listening. But I'm with Katka on this one. Well, it's like I said, there's a ton of empty buildings around here and most of them were apparently given back to the city, so they're not private.... Now, Jahn here is an drama student at the University. He knows of a building that they were going to turn into a puppet theatre - they even began work on it, until they ran out of money. +Well, it's like I said, there's a ton of empty buildings around here and most of them were apparently given back to the city, so they're not private.... Now, Jahn here is an drama student at the University. He knows of a building that they were going to turn into a puppet theatre - they even began work on it, until they ran out of money. Puppet theatre, don't you need something a little bigger? +Puppet theatre, don't you need something a little bigger? It's big, right Jahn? +Okay, it's in here somewhere. Let's keep it quiet. We could make a run for it? +You were right Jahn, it's a great space..... Hey, Chris. Do you want to come and look? No thanks, I think we ought to get going though. +Chris, what if I were to cut you in as partner in this project - together we could make it swing, all it needs is a good clean out and the power on, then we're in business. I don't know man, I'll drink beer and shoot crap with you anytime, but this is different. +I don't know man, I'll drink beer and shoot crap with you anytime, but this is different. Damn right it is, it's a chance to do something meaningful for a change, to leave our mark on this town. Hell, you'll probably be gone in another six months and all you'll have done is taught some kids the lines to a Led Zep' song - c'mon, don't run out on me now! +Damn right it is, it's a chance to do something meaningful for a change, to leave our mark on this town. Hell, you'll probably be gone in another six months and all you'll have done is taught some kids the lines to a Led Zep' song - c'mon, don't run out on me now! Alright I give in. But let's not end up in jail. Okay? +Alright I give in. But let's not end up in jail. Okay? You got my word on it. +No, I got nothing till Tuesday. Great. Let's say nine o'clock here tomorrow. Catch you later partner. +That stinks! Yeah, that could be job number two. I think it's a sewer. +"No, but like my dad said, ""There's only so many ways you can wire a plug""." He was an electrician? +He was an electrician? No, he was talking about girls, I think. +No, he was talking about girls, I think. That makes you an expert I guess. +That makes you an expert I guess. Too right....Now the other thing we've got to do is start clearing up the rubble. Can you make a start on that? +I feel like a mole in this joint, so I guess I might as well come out lookin' like one! Don't worry, I'll give you a hand as soon as I can. +Just two things. What do I use to shift the stuff and where in hell am I gonna put it all? Scout around and see if there's something, check that other corridor. If there's nothing, nip out and buy a broom and shovel. +Scout around and see if there's something, check that other corridor. If there's nothing, nip out and buy a broom and shovel. And put it on expenses? +And put it on expenses? Sure....As for the crap, I've got an idea. +Somehow, I'm going to have to band-aid that thing since we can't really replace it and then put a walkway over it. So? +So? Well, we might as well start filling it in now. As long as you leave enough room around that end of the pipe - so I can get to it, we're set. Use them wooden boards to stop it all spilling into the space - We'll neaten it up later. +Well, we might as well start filling it in now. As long as you leave enough room around that end of the pipe - so I can get to it, we're set. Use them wooden boards to stop it all spilling into the space - We'll neaten it up later. "You sure got a handle on that word ""we""." +Not bad hey, I think I'll add Sparkie to my resume.....Good shovel! Yeah, you're in luck there's two of them, the other's in there. +Yeah, you're in luck there's two of them, the other's in there. Later Mate, right now I've got to do the locks on these doors so we don't have to climb through that bloody window every time. +Later Mate, right now I've got to do the locks on these doors so we don't have to climb through that bloody window every time. I thought that was part of the charm! +I thought that was part of the charm! I'll drill the locks and replace the barrels, that way it won't cost so much. +I'll drill the locks and replace the barrels, that way it won't cost so much. A locksmith too? Why d'you ever bother with writing? +A locksmith too? Why d'you ever bother with writing? I'm making history Chris, nothings going to stop me. There could be a knighthood for us in this, once President Havel hears. +I'm making history Chris, nothings going to stop me. There could be a knighthood for us in this, once President Havel hears. I'll settle for a pardon. You gotta drill? +I'll settle for a pardon. You gotta drill? No.....But I think Honza at the office has. You keep shifting this crap and I'll take care of the locks, shouldn't take long. Take a break for lunch and I'll catch you up later. +No.....But I think Honza at the office has. You keep shifting this crap and I'll take care of the locks, shouldn't take long. Take a break for lunch and I'll catch you up later. And if the police stop by - what do I tell them? +And if the police stop by - what do I tell them? Tell them we're working for the University. +Tell them we're working for the University. Thought of everything haven't you. +Thought of everything haven't you. Yep, except a name for this place. +Yep, except a name for this place. You're nuts man, Katka's right! +Wow!....What have you been doing, rolling around in it? No, just making my contribution to cultural enlightenment, that's all. +No, just making my contribution to cultural enlightenment, that's all. Well, don't get carried away. +Well, don't get carried away. I'll try not to, I'll leave that to you. Anyway, there's still plenty more of it. +I'll try not to, I'll leave that to you. Anyway, there's still plenty more of it. Good, I love swinging a shovel. +No, why? 'cause you stink of booze. +'cause you stink of booze. Yeah, that was Honza's idea, I had to buy him a few beers in return for the gear. +Yeah, that was Honza's idea, I had to buy him a few beers in return for the gear. Tough break. +I'm an idiot? Nope, not even close. I've thought of a name for this place and you were the inspiration though. +Nope, not even close. I've thought of a name for this place and you were the inspiration though. "Really, ""The Freeman Centre""?" +"Really, ""The Freeman Centre""?" No....The Asylum! +No....The Asylum! Oh yeah, what's my connection to that? +Oh yeah, what's my connection to that? None, it's mine - you said it earlier, I'm nuts. +None, it's mine - you said it earlier, I'm nuts. I've been saying that since we met. +I've been saying that since we met. Yes, but it suddenly clicked, this is going to be a crazy place and, since the Commies are used to seeking asylum, we can use that in the marketing. +Perfect, but I can't use it right now, I've got to get these locks done; it's a matter of priorities. Yeah, I'm beginning to see that. +Yeah, I'm beginning to see that. Just save me a little patch and I'll do it later. +I don't know but that used to be a window and I think that was a door. Can you do the lock on it? +Can you do the lock on it? No, it's welded up!....Let's take a look from the inside. +It must be on the other side of this. But how did the wall get here? +But how did the wall get here? I don't know. This wall isn't like the rest though, it's not all that old either. +I'd love to get in there. Don't we have enough already? +Don't we have enough already? It must be fair old size, suppose it's empty? +It must be fair old size, suppose it's empty? And suppose a little old lady lives there? +And suppose a little old lady lives there? No way, it's sealed - if she's in there she's dead. +No way, it's sealed - if she's in there she's dead. Sounds like a good reason to leave it alone. +Sounds like a good reason to leave it alone. Just think though, it would make a hell of a cafe, that way we keep the auditorium clear. +Well, it's definitely there - We've just got to get to it. Why, how in the hell are we going to set up a cafe? +Why, how in the hell are we going to set up a cafe? I'll rig up something don't worry - Do you think I could bash through with that little hammer? +I'll rig up something don't worry - Do you think I could bash through with that little hammer? I don't know Doug, we haven't even got the place together and already you want to extend it. +I don't know Doug, we haven't even got the place together and already you want to extend it. Don't worry if the old lady's there I'll brick it back up. +Look I gotta get going, shouldn't you have met Katka? Is it gone four-thirty? +Need any disks? Yeah, I'll take some. +Yeah, her name's Kavlova, why? See if she can donate some paintings or something to hang on these walls, give it a bit of atmosphere. +See if she can donate some paintings or something to hang on these walls, give it a bit of atmosphere. You'd be better off with tables and chairs. +Moved on to plumbing huh? We got a party tomorrow night. Can't have the place smelling like shit. +I thought you were gonna throw these? I had a better idea, we'll burn them. There's a drum across the road; I was just waiting for the workers to go home. +I had a better idea, we'll burn them. There's a drum across the road; I was just waiting for the workers to go home. Destroy the evidence huh. +Destroy the evidence huh. Have you ever stolen anything? +Have you ever stolen anything? Nope. +Nope. Could you handle it if it was in a good cause? +Could you handle it if it was in a good cause? Like helping a sick kid? +Like helping a sick kid? No, for the Asylum. +No, for the Asylum. Close! +Close! Just aiding and abetting if it makes you feel better. +Just aiding and abetting if it makes you feel better. What's that, five instead of ten years jail. +What's that, five instead of ten years jail. They'll never get us. +Perfect! It looks new, they might miss one or two. +It looks new, they might miss one or two. We're going to need it all. +We're going to need it all. Jesus Doug, they'll execute us! +Jesus Doug, they'll execute us! Stealing's stealing, we might as well get what we need. This'll do for the floor and the walkway too. +Let's split. Not yet, we need a few lengths of scaffold. +Not yet, we need a few lengths of scaffold. Why don't we just take the whole damn building, brick by brick Doug. +Why don't we just take the whole damn building, brick by brick Doug. Look at it this way, it's their contribution. If we'd explained it to them, they'd probably have given it to us anyway. +Look at it this way, it's their contribution. If we'd explained it to them, they'd probably have given it to us anyway. So why didn't we? +So why didn't we? We don't speak Czech! +Afternoon! Am I late? +Am I late? No, not if you've got better things to do. +No, not if you've got better things to do. Who put a bee up your butt? +Like a hand? When your ready Son! +Do you think anyone will really come here? Well, I think I_ve got a handle on the Czech pysche and I reckon this kind of joint will make _em reminisce about the sixties. Plus we should get a few stray expat_s looking for Kafka. +Fancy some lunch after we_re through with this Meccano shit? Sure, I think it_s your turn to buy too. +We'd better get some booze in for tonight. You should have said it was Bring-A-Bottle. +You should have said it was Bring-A-Bottle. No, I figure once they see the place and we get'em a little drunk, they'll all want to help. We should have that floor done in a day or so. +Here, let's both put in two hundred crowns. That should get nine or ten bottles of wine. No beer? +No beer? Not on the opening night, wouldn't look right. +You get the wine and I'll go see if I can rustle up some plastic cups. Why don't we go together? +Why don't we go together? No, it could take me hours. You know what it's like trying to find things in this town, not to mention disposable stuff - I wouldn't think they've ever heard of them. +Red or white? Both, see you later. +I see, you've got your hands too far up your collective arse to pull it out long enough except to drink my bloody wine. Forget it Doug, it's no good. +Have you cleared all the rubble up? No, not yet. +No, not yet. You're all bloody useless. +Get me a couple of beers and a salami. We could make a start on the floor afterwards. +We could make a start on the floor afterwards. No, We aren't going to do it. +No, We aren't going to do it. What? +Thanks. Come on Chris, give me a hand. I can't, I've got to split. I have to take a class at two o'clock. +My God! What happened? I fell in love. +I fell in love. And a tram hit you? +And a tram hit you? No, the boyfriend. +No, the boyfriend. What happened to Katka? +What happened to Katka? Didn't I tell you, she dumped me Monday night. +Didn't I tell you, she dumped me Monday night. You Romeo's sure pay a high price sometimes - anyone I know? +You Romeo's sure pay a high price sometimes - anyone I know? Holly! +Holly! Couldn't keep your hands off the hired help, huh? +Couldn't keep your hands off the hired help, huh? It just happened. +It just happened. She's as American as apple pie too. Have you figured out exactly what it is you despise about them? +She's as American as apple pie too. Have you figured out exactly what it is you despise about them? She's cool. +She's cool. A fine specimen for conversion. +A fine specimen for conversion. What are you on about? +What are you on about? Well, I take it you're going to drag her down to your minimal existence and adjust her mindset. +Don't tell me you really are in love? Yeah and I got the bruises to prove it. So what? +Yeah and I got the bruises to prove it. So what? Nothing, it's just that's when things usually start to go wrong. +Chris, can you do me a favour? What? +What? Take the drill back to Honza at the office, I promised to get it back for the weekend and I don't want to show my face there. +Take the drill back to Honza at the office, I promised to get it back for the weekend and I don't want to show my face there. You might make Henry happy......Sure, I'll do it. +You might make Henry happy......Sure, I'll do it. Good, and then type up a notice on your computer for tonight's thing, photocopy it and put it up in all the faculty buildings and a couple of the pubs. It'll start at eight o'clock and the bar will be open from seven. Holly and I'll go and get some beer and wine. Can you bankroll the bar for tonight? +Shit no, it'll be twice cost. You capitalist pig! +You capitalist pig! The performance is free what more do you want....I've set that old phone up as a donation box and I'll get Jahn to write out a sign....Okay, let's get going. +Does Jahn's thing have a name? Hey Jahn.....You got a name for this thing? +It's me you want, I'm responsible for all this. He's lying! I am. +Chris! Tell me some good news. Tell me some bad news? +Tell me some bad news? I don't want to ruin your day. +I don't want to ruin your day. That bad? +That bad? Your too good for this town, Buddy. +Your too good for this town, Buddy. So I hear. +So I hear. Huh? +Huh? I had a visit from the British Embassy. They think I'm a stray soccer hooligan. +I had a visit from the British Embassy. They think I'm a stray soccer hooligan. They ain't the only ones. +I stopped by your office. Henry was steaming, he says he's going to throw you out of the window and that you never worked at the Bugler. He got that one right. +He got that one right. Honza says they'll print an open letter to President Havel in next weeks edition even if they have to threaten a walk-out. +They're good guys..... Have you seen Holly? No, but I ran into Jahn, seems him and his friends are in big trouble with the University, they might even be expelled. +No, but I ran into Jahn, seems him and his friends are in big trouble with the University, they might even be expelled. Damn! +Damn! Did you see a lawyer and go before a judge? +Did you see a lawyer and go before a judge? Yeah. I tell you, they're one big happy family over there. +Yeah. I tell you, they're one big happy family over there. What happened? +What happened? I don't know, I'm waiting for the transcript. +I don't know, I'm waiting for the transcript. You're kidding. +You're kidding. Well, the trial's in two weeks, but I think they've already sentenced me. They just need to check if Siberia can slot me in. +Well, the trial's in two weeks, but I think they've already sentenced me. They just need to check if Siberia can slot me in. WE gotta think of something. +WE gotta think of something. Now you're using that word. +Now you're using that word. I could try and get a Western lawyer. +You know, there is one thing I can't figure out. All along they've been bugging me about those files and when I told them I'd burned all that stuff, they went nuts - they told the Consul guy they were medical records? So? +So? Well, it seems they've dropped any charge relating to the files. +Well, it seems they've dropped any charge relating to the files. Lucky break! +Lucky break! Maybe, but I've started to wonder what those files were all about. Suppose it was old KGB stuff and had the dirt on big people or maybe the personnel records of the secret police, that might explain all the hassle and the cover-up. +Maybe, but I've started to wonder what those files were all about. Suppose it was old KGB stuff and had the dirt on big people or maybe the personnel records of the secret police, that might explain all the hassle and the cover-up. Did you see anything in the files? +Did you see anything in the files? It was all in Czech wasn't it. +It was all in Czech wasn't it. What happened to those disks I gave you, have you still got them? +What happened to those disks I gave you, have you still got them? Yeah, somewhere? +Yeah, somewhere? Suppose those contained all the file info too? You could have a third or so of it there. +Suppose those contained all the file info too? You could have a third or so of it there. Do you want me to see what's on them? +Do you want me to see what's on them? No point, it'll be in Czech and God knows what format. But if I'm right, they could be my ticket out of here. +No point, it'll be in Czech and God knows what format. But if I'm right, they could be my ticket out of here. And if you're wrong. +And if you're wrong. Siberia. +Siberia. What do you want me to do? +What do you want me to do? Get me one of the disks. Ask a Czech girl to smuggle it in to me this evening. Put the others in a locker and write the details in a note to Reuters and be ready to send it, if this doesn't work. You'd better keep clear of your apartment too. Do you know someone with a phone? +Get me one of the disks. Ask a Czech girl to smuggle it in to me this evening. Put the others in a locker and write the details in a note to Reuters and be ready to send it, if this doesn't work. You'd better keep clear of your apartment too. Do you know someone with a phone? Yeah, Dave Walters. +Yeah, Dave Walters. Good, what's his number? +It's...42 56 76 . 42 56 76......... Okay, you wait at Dave's for my call tomorrow, if you don't hear from me by three o'clock, send that note and get out of the country fast. +42 56 76......... Okay, you wait at Dave's for my call tomorrow, if you don't hear from me by three o'clock, send that note and get out of the country fast. Doug, I can't just leave you! +Doug, I can't just leave you! You're in the clear, keep it that way, I'll be okay. +If I cut a deal, I'm not staying in this country and I want Holly to come with me. So, if she doesn't come here today, you're going to have to get her to me tomorrow; after I call, promise? Sure....Anything else I can do for you? +Sure....Anything else I can do for you? You could give me your baseball, so I can drive this bastard nuts.....He's been playing chequers for eight hours and still hasn't won a game. +God, I think I need a holiday. Some deal you did there! +Some deal you did there! I should have read the fine print. I love you Holly, thanks. +What about me? Here! +Time for lunch I think. I'll get the sandwiches. What would you like Holly? I'm not hungry, really. +Yeah, no problem. We ain't going to give it away this time, are we? +I can't go with him. Look, I don't care whether you go with Doug or not, but you_ve got to see him before he leaves. +You don't understand, I can't! Listen, Doug took the rap for us all so grab your coat 'cause you're going. +I made a deal with Josh. What? +What? It was a condition of getting Doug out. +It was a condition of getting Doug out. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? In return for Doug's freedom, I was never to see him again, I had to - it was his only chance. +In return for Doug's freedom, I was never to see him again, I had to - it was his only chance. Josh didn't get Doug out of jail, he did a deal in return for some computer disks we'd held onto. +You mean, Josh's father had nothing to do with it? No! +No! You're sure? +You're sure? Sure I'm sure! +Well, he should be on his way back to his apartment by now. Do you know the way? +Do you know the way? Sure, it's on the red metro line you.... +Sure, it's on the red metro line you.... No, by road? +No, by road? Yeah, pretty well. +Yeah, pretty well. Good we'll take Josh's Jeep, come on! +Take this exit. That one? +That one? Yeah! +Jesus Holly, we got enough time. Okay, but I don't want to miss him. +Okay, but I don't want to miss him. Follow that Budjovice sign. +It's that one isn't it. Yeah....Shit, those guys have guns. +There shooting at something. Doug? +Doug? Turn around quick! +Good morning. I'm just here to record some details, standard stuff. +I'm just here to record some details, standard stuff. You mean your NOT going to spring me? +I don't know what it is with you bloody hooligans. Not content with causing trouble back home, YOU idiots have to go off and wreak havoc throughout the whole of Europe. And when finally, the police do catch up with you, you expect us to wave a magic wand and get you out, well not this time, I'm sorry. So am I. +So am I. Now - Your name is Douglas Greenwell, yes? +Now - Your name is Douglas Greenwell, yes? Yes. +Yes. Date of birth, November the fourth nineteen-sixty-two. +Date of birth, November the fourth nineteen-sixty-two. Yes. +Yes. Your home address is 18 Thornton Avenue, Coventry. +Your home address is 18 Thornton Avenue, Coventry. That's my mum's. +That's my mum's. I see, would you like us to inform her of your situation? +I see, would you like us to inform her of your situation? No! +No! Now, have you been read your rights and are you aware of the charges? +Now, have you been read your rights and are you aware of the charges? No! +No! Well, I'll try and get that clarified. As I understand it though, the charges include break and enter, theft, trespass, operating an unlicensed facility, vandalism and destruction of government documents - Whatever possessed you to start destroying people's medical records? +Well, I'll try and get that clarified. As I understand it though, the charges include break and enter, theft, trespass, operating an unlicensed facility, vandalism and destruction of government documents - Whatever possessed you to start destroying people's medical records? They didn't look like medical files to me. +They didn't look like medical files to me. Well a plea of ignorance won't go far here. Frankly, I think you deserve everything that's coming. +Well a plea of ignorance won't go far here. Frankly, I think you deserve everything that's coming. Regards to Her Majesty. +Before you go, did you get those bruises here? Sure, they wanted to know if I ever voted Conservative. +Hey, Lawrence how are you doing mate? Doug, haven't seen you for a while. +Doug, haven't seen you for a while. I've been around. +I've been around. Have you met Holly? Josh's friend. +Have you met Holly? Josh's friend. No! Look Lawrence, I've taken over the lease on a theatre downtown and I'm throwing a party tomorrow night to show it off. It's going to be for alternative arts, but I need some help to finish it off, can you put the word out? +No! Look Lawrence, I've taken over the lease on a theatre downtown and I'm throwing a party tomorrow night to show it off. It's going to be for alternative arts, but I need some help to finish it off, can you put the word out? Sure. Excellent. +Sure. Excellent. Here's the details. +I'd like to talk with you about doing some performance poetry here....A weekly thing. Hmm, I see possibilities but you got a lot to do. +Hmm, I see possibilities but you got a lot to do. We should be done by the weekend. +We should be done by the weekend. Really? +Really? I could pencil you in if you like? +I could pencil you in if you like? I'll take a rain-check for now. +Turned Czech huh? Yeah, maybe. +Lawrence is getting derogatory again. Shhhhh, I'm concentrating! +Shhhhh, I'm concentrating! I think he's jealous of Havel. +So why don't you get up and speak something, then we will see who is crazy. Ooh, well excuse me. +Why don't you read something after the break? DOUG What here? Weren't you listening to what I just said? You used to read. +You used to read. Well not any more, now I'm a serious writer and above this crap. +Well, get me and Chris a drink then. I'll get the drinks, but not here. Let's split. I can't stand this any more, it's murdering my respect for literature. +I'll get the drinks, but not here. Let's split. I can't stand this any more, it's murdering my respect for literature. But I don't want to go, I am enjoying it. +But I don't want to go, I am enjoying it. How about you Brutus? +So what's it going to be, Coogan's or U Vayvudoo? I don't care. I'm not staying out late Doug. +I'm not staying out late and I can't come back to your place. Whatever! +A word of advice my celibate friend. These Czech girls look like dynamite and go like it, but don't be fooled; there's a price to be paid and it's going up fast. Right Kat? What? +What? You're everything a guy could want. +It's just talk, he's drunk. No I'm not, I came to Prague looking for something - this could be it! +Don't give me this Kat, I'm doing it for you and your country. What? You are crazy! +What? You are crazy! Look, just hear me out, okay? +Doug I can't, I've got to be at work by eight. You promised to take me home. Look Kat it'll only take ten minutes. Without Jahn I might never find it... We'll just have a quick look and then you and I'll hit a tram. +I don't want to get in trouble. Don't worry it's okay! +I'm not going in Doug. I'll wait for you here. Okay, whatever. Come on Chris! +Doug you said you wouldn't be long. Come on, I've got to go. Now! Alright, I'm coming. It's the perfect place Jahn, thanks. +It's not fair, you hardly talked to me tonight. I'm sorry but it's been a crazy evening. I'm going to make that place into something big. God, I love you! +Let's walk over the bridge, we haven't done that for a while. We should go to the Metro it's quicker. +We should go to the Metro it's quicker. Nonsense, we can pick up the tram on the other side, it won't take any longer. Come on! +Kat, I'm in paradise. I don't ever want to leave. So, we won't be going to London? +So, we won't be going to London? No, not just yet. +I hope you're going to invite me in? Everybody is at home, it's no good. +Everybody is at home, it's no good. Let's have a look anyway. +She's tired. It's bad news when you can't even bribe kids. +I want you so bad. She'll be asleep soon, maybe we could do it quietly under the sheets. No way Doug, I can't. +No way Doug, I can't. Yeah, you're right.... I've got an idea! +Beer please! Do you want another drink? Fernet and tonic. +I think I'm stupid.....All you do is use me and expect me to wait for you. No. +No. I thought you loved me Doug but all you want from me is sex. +That's not true, we have a great time together. I've said I'm sorry. Let's forget about it and go stop by my place, so I can get changed. Oh sure and you will want sex, always sex. +I could have my choice of many boyfriends and go to movies and discos but I waste my time waiting for you and then going to stupid pubs. I'm not a bloody teenager okay, I told you I can't do that shit. +I'm not a bloody teenager okay, I told you I can't do that shit. That's it, I am just stupid teenager, yes? +That's it, I am just stupid teenager, yes? Right now, yeah - you're talking crap. +No, I love you, really. Then tell me, what will happen? Tell me! +Then tell me, what will happen? Tell me! Look, I love you Katka but I'm twelve years older, I could never marry you, it'd be stupid, you know that! +I thought for sure they would catch me. Thanks. +Will it help to get you out? I hope so! +If you get out can we be together again. I'm no good for you Katka, besides I won't be able to stay in Prague. +I'm no good for you Katka, besides I won't be able to stay in Prague. But we could go to London and live in England. +But we could go to London and live in England. No Kat, I lied to you, I hate England and I don't ever want to live there again. +I don't understand, it's your home? There's nothing there for me. +There's nothing there for me. I'm sorry about what I said, really I am. Just take me with you, I don't care where. +Forget about me Kat. But I love you! +It was a mistake, I never wanted to hurt you, but it had to end sooner or later and now, well now I love someone else. No, it's not true, you're lying. +No, it's not true, you're lying. Not this time, Kat. +Yeah, for sure. And, since it's only two streets away, I suggest we go take a look. Now! +No, I am an actor not a labourer, I am just warning you, that's all. Don't worry, I've got lots of friends. +Interesting. Do reckon I could fit through here? Sure, I've done it easily. +Sure, I've done it easily. Hey Chris, keep an eye on things. +Hi, want to take up dancing? Later. Jahn, I've been let down by the guys who were going to do the flooring. They brought the materials but took my money and ran. You guys have a school theatre don't you? +Later. Jahn, I've been let down by the guys who were going to do the flooring. They brought the materials but took my money and ran. You guys have a school theatre don't you? Yes, The Obelisk but it's closed for repairs. +Yes, The Obelisk but it's closed for repairs. So I hear, do you know some of the stage hands? +So I hear, do you know some of the stage hands? Sure, they are students. +Sure, they are students. Well, I want them to put down a floor and a walkway. +There's three thousand crowns, it's all I got. It's not so much. +It's not so much. Look, if you can get them to finish it by Friday, you and your friends can do the opening performance that night. +Look, if you can get them to finish it by Friday, you and your friends can do the opening performance that night. Can we charge admission? +Can we charge admission? Donations only! And make the thing non-lingual, so everyone gets a handle on it. +I'll do my best. Is the place open. Yep, it's all yours. +Yep, it's all yours. Okay. +They'll do it. Great. And your all set for the performance? +Great. And your all set for the performance? Yeah, it's a simple piece. If they get the floor done in time, me and the others will rehearse tomorrow afternoon, but it's not critical. +Yeah, it's a simple piece. If they get the floor done in time, me and the others will rehearse tomorrow afternoon, but it's not critical. Don't go making it too simple, we're on the cutting edge here. +No thanks, I must go, but maybe you could get some beers for the guys. Don't worry. Thanks. +Yes, it's looks good.....We will use this for the soundtrack and we will have two guys up there with the spotlights. The others will just be house lights. Great....How long will it go for? +Great....How long will it go for? About forty minutes. +About forty minutes. Cool....So, if we say eight o'clock. +Okay? Yo, dobree! +It is okay........We will paint the wood black, yes? Yeah, great....Dobchay! It will dry, yes? +Yeah, great....Dobchay! It will dry, yes? Yes, of course...maybe one hour. +Yes, of course...maybe one hour. Good, great....Dobchay! +Tomorrow, we will bring some lights and also hang some fabric. I think it will be finished in the morning. It's perfect, you've done a great job. +You mean you don't know, Henry! We got a bunch of anarchists, controlling a six-level block of luxury apartments down on Janovska street here in the Old Town, and you don't know about it? Ah, so what? +Ah, so what? That's only the half of it. I've heard a rumour they're taking over a theatre to use for alternative arts; you know what that means? +Henry, these guys already push most of the drugs in this town and now they want to move into pornography, right? Believe me, it won't stop there either, next it'll be a church and pretty soon they'll have their own department store or something...... Henry, we've got to stop them. The foundation's got to put an end to it! How? +How? I'm in close with these guys, it isn't easy, but slowly they're opening up to me. Give me a month and I'll blow their movement wide open. +I'm in close with these guys, it isn't easy, but slowly they're opening up to me. Give me a month and I'll blow their movement wide open. A month, Jesus! And how do I know you're not crapping me? +A month, Jesus! And how do I know you're not crapping me? You can hold back this months pay-check until I come through with the story. +You can hold back this months pay-check until I come through with the story. What pay-check? You ain't done nothing! +What pay-check? You ain't done nothing! Henry, I've been working my tail off on this. Look, all I need is a little cash to loosen up some tongues and you've got the scoop. It'll send those scum-bags down for life; be a big feather in the cap for the Bugler and your board of directors back home! +Henry, I've been working my tail off on this. Look, all I need is a little cash to loosen up some tongues and you've got the scoop. It'll send those scum-bags down for life; be a big feather in the cap for the Bugler and your board of directors back home! I got a bad feeling about this.... How much do you need? +I got a bad feeling about this.... How much do you need? Two hundred dollars, make it six thousand crowns? +There's three thousand and if you don't come through, I'm going throw you clean out of that window. Deal? Deal! +And take Jiri with you? What for? +What for? Insurance! +Any chance of getting me out on bail? What is bail? +Will they free me? I don't know - maybe they are talking about it now. Mr Vitovetch is a good friend of the Judge. +I don't know - maybe they are talking about it now. Mr Vitovetch is a good friend of the Judge. Will this thing take long? +Will this thing take long? No, it should be over soon. +No, it should be over soon. You mean it's started? +You mean it's started? Of course, you can see that lady over there, she is recording everything. +Of course, you can see that lady over there, she is recording everything. How do I know what's being said? +How do I know what's being said? I will tell you - within a week I will have the transcript and we can go through it. +No act of love but willing violence demanded by one and begged by the other. As life turned to fantasy and reality to ecstasy a need, so deep no light could reach, surfaced like a nocturnal creature unearthed for momentary and glorious display. Left alone in a rose-tinted afterglow dimming fast she tasted the moisture of her body and wondered why light came to day and such desires to her pale-skin body. Well she sure isn't normal. +I'll put one on the notice-board too. Am I invited? +Am I invited? Sure as long as you don't bring that prick Josh. Thanks Lawrence. +I thought I'd help out. We don't need you. +We don't need you. "That's not what you said last night. And, I didn't bring that ""prick"" Josh." +Alright, go help Chris shovel up the last of the crap. Thanks. +Seems a shame! The way I look at it, I've carried the camel to water and stuffed it's head under - if it doesn't drink now, we might as well shoot the thing and call it a day. +Why are you doing all this, what for? Well, I've failed at everything else I've done and I can't hack it as a journalist, even for the Bugler. +Well, I've failed at everything else I've done and I can't hack it as a journalist, even for the Bugler. What's the Bugler? +What's the Bugler? It's a student magazine networked through Eastern Europe and funded by Republican do-gooders back in the States. +It's a student magazine networked through Eastern Europe and funded by Republican do-gooders back in the States. I figured you more as a Socialist? +I figured you more as a Socialist? I moving more to Communism now it's dying out. +I moving more to Communism now it's dying out. A champion of lost causes huh? +A champion of lost causes huh? No, I'm just running scared, same as everyone else. +No, I'm just running scared, same as everyone else. We_re not all running away +We_re not all running away I know, some are trapped, usually by money. +Shall I wash these out? Yeah, we'd better keep them for now, I'll try and get some glasses for tomorrow night. +Is it dry? Yeah seems okay. +What would you like, beer? No, just a coffee. +No, just a coffee. One beer, one coffee, thanks. +I'd better get you to a hospital. I'll be okay, just get me home. +It's all my fault, I'm so sorry Doug. I had it coming from someone. +I had it coming from someone. Are you sure I shouldn't get a doctor. +Who you saving the dishes for? Guests. +Don't you have a girlfriend? Sometimes. +I'd better get going, do you need a hand to get into bed? Sure! +Did you take your things over to my place? Uh-huh! +Uh-huh! Run into Josh? +Run into Josh? Yeah, but it was okay. +Yeah, but it was okay. How did he look? +Better than you. Hmm, I still owe him. +Hmm, I still owe him. Why don't we both forget about him? +Why don't we both forget about him? Alright! +Head the flyers up with Asylum and then put Debut of....Psychosis, Theatre experimental. That'll cover us if it flops. On the bottom put seek Asylum where the stars shine on Betlemska. Cool! +Weren't you going to get some glasses? Oh shit, yeah. Can you lend some more money? +Where did you steal the car? It's Josh's. +It's Josh's. Cool....Either of you know the way to Krakow? +This is your doing? Yes, they had nothing to do with it. +Yes, they had nothing to do with it. And you broke into that room? +And you broke into that room? That's right. +That's right. You will wish you hadn't. +You will wish you hadn't. Fuck you! +Why did you break into that particular building? It was the biggest I could find. +It was the biggest I could find. What was the real purpose behind this venture? +What was the real purpose behind this venture? A kind of freedom. +A kind of freedom. Either you're a liar or you are a fool. +Enjoying our hospitality? No! +No! We'll have to see what more we can do for you, while you are still our guest. +We'll have to see what more we can do for you, while you are still our guest. Thanks, but I don't intend to stay. +Thanks, but I don't intend to stay. Really! +Really! I lied to you, I didn't destroy the floppy disks. +Good try Mr. Greenwell but a little late. We have analyzed the contents of that drum, the remains of the disks are there, just as you said. Not all of them! +You are playing a very dangerous game, I suggest you make it easy on yourself and tell me where they are. I didn't get to see what's on the disks but I can guess. Do you want to hear my terms or not. +What is it you want? First, I want to walk free with a letter, in English, from the Prosecutor General dropping all charges. Second, I want two first class tickets to London leaving tonight and three thousand crowns in a stamped envelope. Lastly, all actions against the students are to be stopped! +I'm not sure it's possible. The choice is yours, it's not negotiable. +And the students? I have the Director's word, there will be no action against them. You may go once we have the disks. +I have the Director's word, there will be no action against them. You may go once we have the disks. How do I know this isn't a trap? +How do I know this isn't a trap? You have the letter and my word, if you wish you may wait upstairs....Now, where are the disks? +You have the letter and my word, if you wish you may wait upstairs....Now, where are the disks? I'll need to make a phone call. +I'll need to make a phone call. You may use my office. +Would you like your things now? Yeah! +Yeah! Release Mr Greenwell's possessions. +Central station, locker number 139 - combination JFK. Good, wait here, it will not take long and then you may go. +We had a deal! Yes, you are free to go, Karel here will drive you home. +That's okay I like the metro, it's only a couple of stops from here. I insist, it is the least we can do. +Hey Doug, where you been? Working....Under cover. +No, just a drill. A drill, what are you up to? +A drill, what are you up to? Nothing. I've got to put up some kitchen shelves that's all. You've got one haven't you? +Nothing. I've got to put up some kitchen shelves that's all. You've got one haven't you? Yeah. +Yeah. And a fifty foot extension lead? +And a fifty foot extension lead? You don't have fifty foot of apartment! +You don't have fifty foot of apartment! Come on, don't me give a hard time. I'm just trying to make the place look nice for Katka. +Sure! Give me a break, will you. How often do I ask you for something? +Give me a break, will you. How often do I ask you for something? Okay, Okay, but I want it right back. It belongs to my father. +Okay, Okay, but I want it right back. It belongs to my father. No problem, is it at your place? +No problem, is it at your place? Yeah. +Great, let's break for lunch and I'll buy you a beer on the way. But I have to finish this.... +But I have to finish this.... Come on, that shit can wait. +So, he didn't fire you? No way, he even gave me back pay. +When the hell did you write that? Just yesterday. +Just yesterday. Shit Honey, you could've told me. People might think it's about us! +Shit Honey, you could've told me. People might think it's about us! Maybe it is! +All I'm saying Honey is run the thing past me for Christ's sake before you get up and broadcast the crap. Oh that's it? Everything I do is crap! +I decided to help out at the Asylum. See you brought one of the patients with you too. +Josh! Well come on, sit down. +Yeah, so I hear. Don't you think you should go get changed? Later. +Later. Okay honey, but don't be long. I got plans. +I think we should be going honey. What for? +What for? Well, for a start, you've got to get cleaned up. +Well, for a start, you've got to get cleaned up. Why? +I don't want to go. It's time to go home, Holly. +Come on Holly! Leave me, just leave me alone Josh. +That's my bag. Go to hell! +Go to hell! It's more than what you're worth. +It's more than what you're worth. You bastard! +You bastard! Yeah and you're a slut, so what? +Shall I look after the rest? Don't you dare, I'll be back! +Honey what a pleasant surprise, sorry to keep you waiting. Josh, I have to speak you, it's urgent. +Josh, I have to speak you, it's urgent. Of course Darling, you'd like to apologise? +Of course Darling, you'd like to apologise? Can we talk in your office? +So, what have you got to say for yourself? Was he good in bed? Josh, I need your help. Doug's been arrested, he's in big trouble. I thought maybe your father and the Embassy might be able to do something. +Josh, I need your help. Doug's been arrested, he's in big trouble. I thought maybe your father and the Embassy might be able to do something. You really are a piece of work, you know that? You walk out on me and my family for some worthless bum and you expect us to help him when he screws up. +Will you come home and forget all about him? Yes, if you can get him free. +Yes, if you can get him free. Alright, I'll see to it and things'll be just as they were, okay? +Why are there still such headlines? This press we cannot control. Americans, I think. +This press we cannot control. Americans, I think. You know everyone can be controlled Pavel. Where are you storing the personnel files? +You know everyone can be controlled Pavel. Where are you storing the personnel files? In a building belonging to the University in the Old Town. +In a building belonging to the University in the Old Town. You are quite sure it's secure? +You are quite sure it's secure? The files are in a sealed room and the University are under strict orders to stay away. +The files are in a sealed room and the University are under strict orders to stay away. The storage facility will be ready within a week, I'll call you then. +You are responsible...What has happened? We're not sure... +What are you an idiot! The building has been occupied and the locks have been changed. +The building has been occupied and the locks have been changed. The University cannot do this. Is the room safe? +The University cannot do this. Is the room safe? Yes, I think so, it is still barred, but it is not the University who are in the building. +So, who is in the building? Some Americans? +Have you lost all control of this city? I don't understand it, there were a lot of people there last night, many Americans, I believe we should move carefully. +I don't understand it, there were a lot of people there last night, many Americans, I believe we should move carefully. I don't think you realise what will happen if those files are made public. The lives of thousands of officers depend on the secrecy of those records, including your own now. +It was crazy not to have destroyed them That was not my decision, I can only guess that one day we will again be active and our honour restored. In the meantime no one else must know those files exist. Secure the building and I will arrange alternative safe storage immediately. +That was not my decision, I can only guess that one day we will again be active and our honour restored. In the meantime no one else must know those files exist. Secure the building and I will arrange alternative safe storage immediately. And what of these foreigners? +And what of these foreigners? I don't care about Americans. Arrest them all if you have to, but keep those records secret. +And there has been enquiries from the American Embassy maybe they are involved? All the more reason to eliminate him. +All the more reason to eliminate him. What if his accomplices have made copies? +What if his accomplices have made copies? It was all on a Russian format, I don't think that would be so easy; we must take that chance. +Delay Mr Greenwell's departure until the disks have been located and you have notified me. Then, have one of your officers drive him home - I'll see to the rest. Very well. +Very well. Subtitles) You have made many mistakes Pavel, let there be no more, for your sake. +So go dance. With you. +With you. I. Don't. Dance. +She's coming over here... Heart be still. +That's one girl who can't take a hint. Because she doesn't know what a hint is. +She asleep? I'll tell her you were here. +Pictures from the play. Jamie looks pretty -- I'm sorry about how we -- +I'm sorry about how we -- No. You're with who you should be. It's like she chose you. +No. You're with who you should be. It's like she chose you. And I have no idea why. +And I have no idea why. I do. +What if they expel you? Kelly wouldn't do that. +Kelly wouldn't do that. Why not? +Why not? Cuz nothing happened at school. +I'm not hanging. I'm fixing my car -- You don't need a car you can't drive for a month. Go see Marvin. +You don't need a car you can't drive for a month. Go see Marvin. 'Bout what? +'Bout what? About a job. +Your father dropped off an extra check. I don't want his money. +I don't want his money. It could help with a new car -- +It could help with a new car -- -- I like the car I have. +Out with Belinda? That's over. Way over. +That's over. Way over. I can't know things if you don't tell me. +You saw him? We talked. He wanted to get a bite -- after. I said no. +We talked. He wanted to get a bite -- after. I said no. After he moved out, I invited him to every practice, every game, every parent-teacher conference you ever had. He didn't show, not once. +After he moved out, I invited him to every practice, every game, every parent-teacher conference you ever had. He didn't show, not once. He wants to show now. +He wants to show now. You going to let him? You going to reward him by being the son he was never man enough to be a father to? +You look nice. I should have dressed. You're fine like that, Mom. +You're fine like that, Mom. There's hot cider in the kitchen. +There's hot cider in the kitchen. Thanks. +Thanks. I haven't seen Clay or Eric lately. +I haven't seen Clay or Eric lately. Me neither. +To see your father? No. I won't be long. +A late night or an early morning? Late night. You? +Late night. You? Were you with Jamie? +Were you with Jamie? Yeah. +Yeah. You sleeping with her? +Honey, some of this is... farfetched. You take after me. People skills and common sense. Good dependable qualities. I could take after Dad, too. +I could take after Dad, too. You do. You're handsome and charming. +You do. You're handsome and charming. I meant he's a doctor. +I meant he's a doctor. That's eight years of school and training -- after college. And all that doesn't necessarily make you a better human being. +That's eight years of school and training -- after college. And all that doesn't necessarily make you a better human being. I could do it if I tried. Even Kelly thinks so. +I could do it if I tried. Even Kelly thinks so. That'd be something. +But if it doesn't happen, grab for something within reach. Life's tough enough without causing yourself disappointment -- Whatever my life is, I'm going to be friggin' sure I'm never disappointed -- +Have I told you how proud I am of you -- ? Mom, great. But what I want is for me to be proud of me. +I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know either. +I told him to leave me alone. Landon -- +Landon -- It was the only thing I've ever asked him! +I have no idea what to say. How to act. What if I do the wrong thing? Be yourself and I don't think there is a wrong thing. Let Jamie take the lead. She'll let you know what she needs. +What are you doing here? He wants to talk to you. +He wants to talk to you. Now it's okay? +Now it's okay? Landon. You have two parents. We're both here for you even -- +Everything's being done but it's not enough. I have to find something -- more. Landon, honey. There's nothing more. +Where is he? He's supposed to be here. I need to whizz. +I'm thinking. No thinking. The doctor only gives you three seconds to decide -- +Hypotheticals -- I'm just wondering -- +Don't call him a dipshit. You do -- +You do -- And you don't. What's she doing in there? +The address?! York Ave. +Deranged. Demented. +She's like some Puritan. She's not. She's got her own ideas. +Belinda's telling everyone that kiss was real. It was. +And that you're scamming on Jamie Sullivan. Scamming's a strong word. +Landon! Later. +Say nothing. Nothing 'bout her. No. Hey. We're sorry, man! +Who are you? Landon Carter. I was driving the car that -- +Landon Carter. I was driving the car that -- You. +You. Me. +I'm very sorry -- What kind of a man are you, son? +Get yourself a glass. No. Thanks. Gotta keep my wits for the drive home. +He goes to my father's church. He could've died -- -- This your idea of small talk? +-- This your idea of small talk? I don't make small talk -- +I don't make small talk -- -- Obviously. +Because, growing up, books were my world. Were? +Were? You don't know me. +You don't know me. Your book and your brown sweater and your hair. What's more to know -- ? +Your book and your brown sweater and your hair. What's more to know -- ? -- I wear the sweater because I'm cold. I read because no one talks to me. My hair is my hair. What is it exactly that's bothering you? +You mean care what you say? I'm worrying about other things. Like what? The moons of Jupiter? +Like what? The moons of Jupiter? Can't you have a normal conversation? +Can't you have a normal conversation? I don't want to have any conversation. +I don't want to have any conversation. Good, cuz talking to you is like trying to explain red to a blind person. +'I hope your dreams come true.' 'They won't.' +'They won't.' 'Believe in yourself and they will. Let me ask you, Lizzie. Look in the mirror? Are you pretty --?' +'Is it really me?' 'Yes. You're-you're b-b- beautiful.' +You're like this fly, buzzing buzzing everywhere -- -- This play means a lot to me. +-- This play means a lot to me. This play -- ? +This play -- ? -- I know you don't suck at acting. +That's deep -- -- Your act only works with an audience. +-- Your act only works with an audience. My act?! +I know you don't want help. Then we both know. I'll point. You drive. Faster. +Yeah. Why? +Why? Because that's where the fire is? +Fire is like a living thing. Wild. Unpredictable. Like me. +Like me. No. Not like you. +What the -- ?! So you agree you need help? +What's with the friggin numbers? 28 is do something illegal. 42 is befriend an enemy. +28 is do something illegal. 42 is befriend an enemy. I'm an enemy? +I'm an enemy? Kinda. Yeah. +The reason I got the part... I'm a little like Lizzie. Except I don't worry about some man rescuing me. Good thing. +You got some kind of list? Are you asking to mock me or do you really want to know? +Are you asking to mock me or do you really want to know? Maybe a little of both. +I'll take a chance. Go for it. +Go for it. It's like a to-do list, but for my life. +So what else is on this list? It's private. +It's private. You want to tell me... +Get very wasted. Lose your virginity -- Spend a year in the Peace Corps. Make a medical discovery -- +Spend a year in the Peace Corps. Make a medical discovery -- Ambitious. +Like you'd know. I do know. Be two places at once... learn to hit a baseball or turn a cartwheel... eat breakfast with chopsticks... +No problem -- And you have to meet my father. +I'll get something for us to drink -- Don't bother! +I know. Don't say anything. He's a softy. Got him wrapped around my finger. +He's a softy. Got him wrapped around my finger. You think so. +You think so. Know so. +Because I try to be nice to people? Yeah. Maybe. I dunno. +Yeah. Maybe. I dunno. Do you think I'm strange? +Cuz it's dark and quiet and you can see into another world. The world of the dead? +The world of the dead? Could be... +What is that? That is my telescope. +Saturn. Beautiful. Before Voyager we expected maybe a dozen rings -- +Before Voyager we expected maybe a dozen rings -- But there are thousands of them, made of floating ice -- +But there are thousands of them, made of floating ice -- Maybe debris from a moon that broke apart. +Maybe debris from a moon that broke apart. Or building blocks for a world that never formed. +Looking for intelligent life? Looking for something -- someone. +Do you believe you'll see your mother again? I hope so. I think maybe she sees me now. +I'm building a larger one to see the nucleus of Haley's Comet -- The dirty snowball at its core. +The dirty snowball at its core. Yeah. I'm probably not going to be around next time it comes. +Yeah. I'm probably not going to be around next time it comes. In 76 years, me neither. +You're really into God, right? In ten words or less? +In ten words or less? Yeah. +Yeah. My relationship with God is my own. +My relationship with God is my own. But you think about Him -- It -- Her. +But you think about Him -- It -- Her. Don't you? +Like in a church painting. I see this giant hovering over the ground. He's wearing a robe, and has long flowing hair, and he's pointing his finger at something. Do you ever wonder why things happen the way they do? +Do you ever wonder why things happen the way they do? No. +No. I know there's a plan for everyone, but sometimes I don't understand what the message is -- or what the point is. +I know there's a plan for everyone, but sometimes I don't understand what the message is -- or what the point is. There is no point. You live. You die. The end. +You have to believe to have faith. You don't believe in anything? +You don't believe in anything? The Bible. Why should I read a bunch of dumb stories about some ancient guy who supposedly worked miracles. +The Bible. Why should I read a bunch of dumb stories about some ancient guy who supposedly worked miracles. Interpreted by another guy like my father. +Interpreted by another guy like my father. Your father doesn't like me. +He doesn't trust you. Sometimes I don't even trust me. +The play's going to be really good. I'm really glad you think so. +You're not in a very good mood. You don't miss a thing. +The play's in a couple of weeks. Yes. And? +Oh. Just not at school... Yeah -- +Yeah -- Or anywhere where people might see us. +Or anywhere where people might see us. Belinda's a very jealous person. +Belinda's a very jealous person. That would be the reason. +So it's like you want to be secret friends. That's it! Exactly! You're reading my mind -- +That's it! Exactly! You're reading my mind -- Then maybe you can read mine. +He okay? Healthy as can be. +You were great the other night. Thank you. So were you. +I haven't been nice to you. You're hardly nice to anyone. +People can see. And that would ruin your reputation how? +Maybe you inspire me. That sounds like horseshit. +All of it. It's not. +It's not. Prove it. +Okay. Maybe some of that is true -- You don't know the first thing about being someone's friend -- +You don't know the first thing about being someone's friend -- I don't want to be just your friend -- +I don't want to be just your friend -- You don't know what you want -- +You don't know what you want -- You don't either. Take a look at yourself. Maybe you're scared that someone might actually like you -- +You don't either. Take a look at yourself. Maybe you're scared that someone might actually like you -- And why would that scare me? +And why would that scare me? Because then you couldn't hide behind your books and your telescope and your sweater and your God. +It's a start. Yeah, with a finish in about a decade. +So you're talking to me? When I have something to say. +What does that mean?! It means you can do anything. +Hey. I heard what you did. Thank you. +She great or what? Why are you doing all this? To impress me? +Why are you doing all this? To impress me? No. But are you -- impressed? +Like fire. What? +What? You. +Yes. But not as a date date. Why not? +Why not? I'm not allowed to date. +I can't believe you asked my father's permission. I wanted this to be a date. +Is there a rush? I have to get you home by one. +I have to get you home by one. It's only 7:30. +It's only 7:30. We're going somewhere. After. And no. I didn't ask your father. +Your turn. No. +No. I know you want to. +Before we do this. We're doing something -- ? +We're doing something -- ? Before we do this, I just want to say that a good life's gotta be about more than achieving stuff -- like on your list. +It's about working with what you already have -- right now -- at your fingertips -- you know, spontaneously. What are you talking about? +Excuse me? Fun. +The cells in our bodies are always changing. In six or seven years all your cells have changed. You could be like a completely new person from the inside out. That what's happening to you, only faster? +Stand right here. Where? +You're acting like a crazy person. You're straddling the state line. You're in two places at once. +It's places like this that make me certain there's a God. You're sometimes not sure? +You're sometimes not sure? I'm sure. Pretty sure. +We can measure wind. Uncertainty makes you uncomfortable. +Uncertainty makes you uncomfortable. What do you actually know with religion? +What do you actually know with religion? Wonder. Beauty. Joy. Love. +I don't understand... Maybe you're not supposed to. +I might do it wrong. Not possible. +You make me feel... Loved? +Loved? That. And less strange. +Assholes. This happen to you? Twice a year. +What's wr--? The Challenger exploded. Principal Kelly's about to make an announcement. +Come on. Where? +Where? Away from here. +How do you know this place? Before the divorce. My father used to take me here. Fire spotting was his summer job. +From here he proved to me the earth isn't flat. On rainy days, we'd be above the clouds. What would you do up here? +What would you do up here? Look. Talk. Not talk. +What'd you tell your father? The truth. I just left you out of it. +When did you build this? I was twelve. +It's an alt-azimuth design with one parabolic mirror and one secondary flat one. Where's the one you're building? +Where's the one you're building? In my back yard. I lied before. It's hardly started. But when it's done, it will have twice the power of this one -- +So what do you want to see? Mars. +Mars. Mars doesn't rise until 2:30 +A Thermos of hot coffee. A blanket. Socks. You planned this -- +You planned this -- Hoped for it. +Are you trying to seduce me? No. Why? Are you seducible? +Ergo? What about your father? +What about your father? I'm always home by midnight and he's always asleep. +What's the best thing I can see tonight? Me. +Can you locate XXI5639I? Sure. +Here. Why am I looking at this star? Because I had it named for you. I know it's not an official designation -- +From citizen high to citizen low. I don't care. +I don't care. Care, but just don't let it get to you. It gives them power. +Care, but just don't let it get to you. It gives them power. That what you do? +That what you do? Yes. I try to keep my power. +One of your secrets. Yes, one of many. +You're worried about your college applications. I'm not applying to college. +You're going to take a year off? Join the Peace Corps -- ? No. +No. What are you going to -- ? +What are you going to -- ? Pull over. +Pull over. Where? Why? +Jamie -- I'm sick. +I'm sick. Then I'll take you home. You'll feel better tomorrow. +Why didn't you tell me? The doctors said to do everything the same as long as possible. I didn't want anyone being -- weird around me. +I'm so sorry. I'm a coward -- I should have told you sooner -- +I should have told you sooner -- I made you do too many things, kept you up all night -- +I made you do too many things, kept you up all night -- No. The drugs just stopped working. If anything, doing things I love kept me healthy longer. +Are you frightened? All the time. I feel like I have no one. +Help me live until I die? I will. +Nope. Anything you want. +Anything you want. Nothing. +Slim Jim? Apple? Yogurt? You like yogurt. I used to like yogurt. +What are you thinking? That I want you to take me home. +That I want you to take me home. Now? We just -- +Now? We just -- I don't want to come here anymore. +I've talked to your father. That's what I mean. +Whatever you need. Whatever Jamie needs. I'm here. I could start by driving her to school -- I'm not going back to school. +You know how to waltz?? I was going to fake it. +How you doing? Tired. +'What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.' Aristotle. Lower. Same page. +Lower. Same page. 'Find out who you are and do it on purpose.' Dolly Parton. +'Love is always patient and kind. It is never boastful or conceited -- ' That was read at my parents' wedding. +How're you doing? Better. I was really angry. +It's gone now. Because you have hope that you'll get better? +Because you have hope that you'll get better? No. Maybe I believe God has a bigger dream for me than I had for myself. Maybe I believe the journey, the big adventure, never ends... +I'll talk to your father. It's not that simple. It costs money to do this at home. +Can I -- go out? You'll be fine for a few minutes. +Will you do something for me? Landon. I can't even do for myself. +Landon. I can't even do for myself. But if you could, you would? +But if you could, you would? Yes. +The Carter boy. Tell me about him. He wants help with his lines -- +By accident -- Jamie, he's careless. Reckless. Is this really the best time to be making a new friend...? +Jamie, he's careless. Reckless. Is this really the best time to be making a new friend...? I'm supposed to always be alone? +I'm supposed to always be alone? I don't want you to see him outside school activities. +I don't want you to see him outside school activities. Fine. But I need to start deciding how to spend my time and my life. +I'm sorry your mother isn't here to help you become a woman. Dad, I've become a woman without her. Just not a pretty one. +What's Landon Carter up to? Up to? +Up to? I thought we had rid ourselves of his disagreeable companionship. +Did you give him a gift? No. +No. I saw the way he looked at you. The way he kissed you. +I saw the way he looked at you. The way he kissed you. It was a play. +It was a play. Boys like him have -- expectations. +Boys like him have -- expectations. I have expectations, too. +I'm asking how much. Dad -- +Dad -- It's time to tell him. It would be the right thing. +Maybe. But that's not the real reason. You think if I tell, he'll disappear and that's what you want! Me all to yourself! No. I want what's best for you. +No. I want what's best for you. This -- him -- Landon -- is what's best for me! +No you didn't. But he did change. Just not enough. Jamie, you're not mad at me. You're mad at Landon -- +Jamie, you're not mad at me. You're mad at Landon -- I am mad at you! And at Landon! And the universe! And God! I don't even know where to put all my anger. +I am mad at you! And at Landon! And the universe! And God! I don't even know where to put all my anger. That's normal. God accepts your anger. He won't punish you. +That's normal. God accepts your anger. He won't punish you. By making me ill, he is punishing me! I just don't know what for. +When Mom died you told me God wanted her more, loved her more -- I was wrong. Nobody could have wanted or loved your mother more than we did. Not even God. +You're in the play? Lead man. +Apropos of nothing... so. So so so so -- Let's get something straight. You don't know me. I don't know you. But I know what you're about. Keep your distance from this house -- and from Jamie. +Reverend Sullivan. Can I ask you something? Does it have to do with Jamie? +Does it have to do with Jamie? Yes, sir. +I'd like to take Jamie to dinner on New Year's Eve. That won't be possible. +I care for her. I don't want to see her hurt. +This week. Ever again. +Landon. You're not the quiet type. No. +No. So talk to us about something. +So talk to us about something. Like what, sir? +Like what, sir? You decide. +How about your family? Okay. Sure. My grandfather. When he was seven, he shook the hand of an old guy, a war vet or something, who had once shaken President Lincoln's hand. Made a big impression on him. +We didn't tell him any different for years -- Your parents are divorced? +Your parents are divorced? Since I was five. My mom's a cocktail waitress. +Since I was five. My mom's a cocktail waitress. How do you -- the two of you -- get by? +How do you -- the two of you -- get by? Materially or spiritually? +Materially or spiritually? Either. Both. +It's her decision and she's decided not to tell people -- at least for now. How -- how long does she have? +Her doctors have. Jamie and I. We're still praying for a miracle. Praying. +Praying. Landon. We've lived with this for over a year now and -- +Landon. We've lived with this for over a year now and -- If there is a God, how could he let this happen??!! +Landon. You go on home. I'm not tired. +I'm not tired. I need to be with her. +I've almost finished the rocker. Did she order mirrors? In there. +You have materials for the side bearings? I'm using an old phonographic turntable. +I'm using an old phonographic turntable. For the focuser? +You know about this stuff? I helped Jamie with the first one. +I helped Jamie with the first one. I thought she built it herself. +I thought she built it herself. She did. But hardly anyone does anything truly alone. +You've been well? Yes. You? +Yes. You? Getting by. +You're marrying again. Yes. +Yes. Jamie wanted that. She told me. +I'm sorry she never got her miracle. She did. It was you. +Like you'd make it to June. Even cutting half your classes, you have a B- average. I'm no dummy. +I'm no dummy. That's right. You just act like one. +Now I can do what I want. That's right. The world is your oyster. +Finding the real world to your liking, Mr. Carter? I want to come back. +You could grace our hallowed halls again, if, while you're here, you make a sincere effort to be part of our little school community -- I'd do that -- +I'd do that -- How would you do that, Mr. Carter? +Shall I give you a few ideas? Please. +Please. Besides attending all your regular classes, I'd like you to help our janitorial staff after school -- +Besides attending all your regular classes, I'd like you to help our janitorial staff after school -- For pay? +For pay? For the inner satisfaction it will bring. Saturday mornings, I'd like you to tutor disadvantaged students at our sister school -- +For the inner satisfaction it will bring. Saturday mornings, I'd like you to tutor disadvantaged students at our sister school -- I'm as underprivileged as they are -- +Finally, I'd like you to join the drama club. Rehearsals are Tuesday and Thursday evenings. I'd work backstage or something? +I'd work backstage or something? Or something. They're doing a play for the holidays. +Or something. They're doing a play for the holidays. When do I get time for me? +When do I get time for me? You don't. That's the point. +Landon, none of us faculty see you the way you see yourself. Some of us remember how your father -- Then you remember more than I do. +No way. No thanks. I can't do it -- -- You can and you will, Mr. Carter. +For Jefferson High. For books. Where did you get -- ? +Where did you get -- ? It's mine to give. I didn't steal it. +It's mine to give. I didn't steal it. I didn't say you did. +Your grades for fall semester. They're -- good. You came here to give me my report card? +You came here to give me my report card? I've seen students with records like yours go to J.C. for a couple of years, then transfer to a good college. +I'd gladly write you a letter of recommendation. Thank you. +Thank you. You're welcome. +Am I at the same angle to you and the basket as before? Yeah. +Yeah. Are you? +So what did we just make? A similar triangle? +A similar triangle? What else? What kind of triangle has three sides of different lengths. +What else? What kind of triangle has three sides of different lengths. Scalene? +Scalene? Okay. Make me an isosceles. +Well, well, he smirked when Marty opened the door. If it isn't the neighborhood bootlegger, Al Capone McFly? What do you want, Biff? +What do you want, Biff? Show me some respect, you little asshole. It's Special Officer Tannen to you. +Show me some respect, you little asshole. It's Special Officer Tannen to you. The day I show respect to Biff Tannen will be the day I win a million dollars... What's the matter, Biff, they're not showing you any respect down at the golf course? Don't they realize what a tough job it is keeping the criminal element away from the country club? +The day I show respect to Biff Tannen will be the day I win a million dollars... What's the matter, Biff, they're not showing you any respect down at the golf course? Don't they realize what a tough job it is keeping the criminal element away from the country club? Listen you little Asshole, I oughta -- +Listen you little Asshole, I oughta -- What do you want, Biff? +What do you want, Biff? Where's your old man? +This... is the number one single? Yes, sir! +Yes, sir! I don't get it. How come there's no rock 'n roll? +I don't get it. How come there's no rock 'n roll? I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? This is 1952....? +This is 1952....? Uh, yes, sir... +Uh, yes, sir... And you never heard of rock 'n roll? +And you never heard of rock 'n roll? No.... +Morning Dick. Marty. What's for breakfast? +Marty. What's for breakfast? Gimme some chili, fries, and a Tab. +Hot tip, Rubber Biscuit in the third race at Arlington. Dick, what's with those guys out there in the gutter? +Dick, what's with those guys out there in the gutter? Third time they've been out there this week. +What's N.R.C.? I don't know. National Cash Register? +I've been calling you for five minutes! Didn't you hear me? I was practicing. I've got an audition next week -- I gotta practice. How am I gonna get famous if I don't practice? +How was school today? Fine. +Fine. Learn anything? +Learn anything? Oh yeah. +Oh yeah. That's good. +You mean you're going to stay up all night? Mom, how else are we gonna see the sunrise? +Mom, how else are we gonna see the sunrise? I don't think I like the idea of you staying out all night with a girl! +How old are you? Seventeen. +Here's your jacket! Uh, thanks... +It's polyester. Poly-what? +Huh? Have we ever met before? +Hi, Marty. Uh, hi.... +You remember me...? How could I forget? Oh, sure, I remember you. +How could I forget? Oh, sure, I remember you. Well, I was on my way to school, and I just wanted to stop by and see if you were feeling okay. You seemed like you were in pretty bad shape the other night. +Well, I was on my way to school, and I just wanted to stop by and see if you were feeling okay. You seemed like you were in pretty bad shape the other night. Oh, I'm feeling much better now. +Then you'll be going to school here....? School? I never thought of school! If I went to school I could blend in with everybody else, couldn't I? +What time does school start around here? Nine o' clock. Oh, I'm late! Maybe I'll see you later. +Nine o' clock. Oh, I'm late! Maybe I'll see you later. Yeah. Maybe so. +George! He's supposed to ask you to the dance! But he didn't ask me. +But he didn't ask me. But he does! Don't you see? +He comes out of the cafeteria line, he's nervous, he spills his corn, and he asks you to the dance! Marty, you haven't been listening. Nobody's asked me to the dance...yet. +Hi, Marty! Listen, Professor Brown told me you called last night and gave me your message... +Are you all right, Marty? You seem a little...nervous. Oh, no, I'm fine...fine. +I'm usually nervous myself on first dates...but not tonight. It's funny, but somehow, I feel like....like I know you. Uh, yeah, well, believe me, I sure feel like I know you! +Well, Eileen...jeez, that's hard for me to say. Have you ever been in a situation where -- well -- you know you have to act a certain way, but when you get there, you don't know if you can go through with it? You mean like how you're supposed to act with someone on a first date? +I think I know exactly what you mean. You do? +Now, George! Dinner's ready now! Coming, Eileen... +By the way, that reminds me... Saturday night we're taking Grandma Stella out for Chinese food. Eileen, Chinese food again? +Eileen, Chinese food again? George, if you don't want Chinese food, pick a place you want to go and make a reservation. +Is that what you were going to ask me, George? To go to the dance? No! +Uh, hi, Eileen. How are you? +How are you? Oh -- I'm all right. Say, listen, about this dance Saturday night -- +Dad, you seen the drill? What drill? +What drill? The drill! The power drill I bought you for Christmas. I was using it last night. +Fine.. Learn anything? +Learn anything? Oh yeah. +Oh yeah. Good. +No, Chinese food is fine. Saturday night's the 'Springtime in Paris' dance. I'm taking Suzy Parker. +The sunrise? What for? Jeez, what do you think? To see it! +You've gotta ask her to the dance! Not now.... +George, she's beautiful, right? She's nice, she's decent, she's the kind of girl you'd like to marry, right? And there's nothing in the world you'd like more than to take her to that dance, right? Well... yeah... +Well... yeah... Okay, then! +What do I say? Say what you were supposed to say in the cafeteria. +Oh, no! That was for the cafeteria! This is different! Christ, it's a miracle I was even born! +Christ, it's a miracle I was even born! Huh? +Huh? Nothing. Look, I'll write it down for you, okay? +What is that? A pencil that writes in ink? It was Marty's turn to be confused. Huh? +It was Marty's turn to be confused. Huh? Lemme see that. +'Bike fine point?' Bic... It's a Bic pen. +I don't want to hit you in the stomach! You're not gonna hurt me. Just hit me in the stomach. +You're not gonna hurt me. Just hit me in the stomach. Look, Marty, I'm just not a fighter... +How many times do I have to explain it to you?... We know you're not a fighter. You know it, I know it... but she doesn't know it. That's why we gotta make you look like a fighter, somebody who'll stand up for her, somebody who isn't chicken. And you're not gonna look like a fighter if you can't hit me in the stomach. But I've never picked a fight in my entire life! +But I've never picked a fight in my entire life! You're not picking a fight, you're coming to her rescue. Maybe we'd better go over the plan again. Where are you gonna be at 8:55? +You're not picking a fight, you're coming to her rescue. Maybe we'd better go over the plan again. Where are you gonna be at 8:55? I'm going to be at the dance. +I'm going to be at the dance. And where am I gonna be? +And where am I gonna be? In the parking lot, with her. +Okay. So right around 9:00 she's gonna get very angry with me - Why? +Why? Why what? +Why what? Why is she gonna get angry with you? +You mean, you're gonna -- George it's not your concern. Don't worry about it. Just remember that at 9:00, you'll be strolling through the parking lot and you'll see us -- struggling in the car, you'll run over, open the door and say....? +Your line, George! Oh. Uh... 'Hey, you! Get your damn hands off her!' George paused. You really think I should swear? +Oh. Uh... 'Hey, you! Get your damn hands off her!' George paused. You really think I should swear? Yes, definitely, god dammit George, swear. Then you hit me in the stomach, I go down for the count, and you and Eileen life happily ever after. Now, hit me in the stomach. +Maybe if I used my left.... No, George, just concentrate on the anger. Anger. +You'd like to see a nuclear holocaust? Not a holocaust -- +Not a holocaust -- Mr. McFly here wants to nuke it all, just so he can see it! +You know damn well that's not what I meant. All I can say is, that's one helluva attitude, Mr. McFly. 'Let's explode a hundred megaton Geothermal nuclear device, just to see it.' +Yeah, explode it up your ass! Unfortunately, the way things are going, you may get your wish. You may see the entire annhiliation of the world. If not, you'll certainly see the destruction of all out natural resources. We can already see the air we breathe, not to mention the pollution in our rivers and lakes. We'll see all of our oil reserves depleted, in fact, all of our energy sources. Yes, you people have a lot to look forward to -- a lot to see. +Unfortunately, the way things are going, you may get your wish. You may see the entire annhiliation of the world. If not, you'll certainly see the destruction of all out natural resources. We can already see the air we breathe, not to mention the pollution in our rivers and lakes. We'll see all of our oil reserves depleted, in fact, all of our energy sources. Yes, you people have a lot to look forward to -- a lot to see. Hey, Mr. Arky, gimme a break! I'm seventeen years old! I'm not responsible for all these problems! +Yes, that's my name. Who are you, young man? Are you supposed to be here? Uh -- yeah. I'm new here, and I'm supposed to be in this class. +You have a name? Marty. Marty Lewis. +Who, me? You're the only Mr. Lewis in this class. If you have something to say, say it so the whole class can hear. +You're the only Mr. Lewis in this class. If you have something to say, say it so the whole class can hear. Well, yeah, I was thinking, if cars are gonna be going two or three hundred miles an hour, they're gonna be using an awful lot of gas. Like, what if we run out? +Well, yeah, I was thinking, if cars are gonna be going two or three hundred miles an hour, they're gonna be using an awful lot of gas. Like, what if we run out? Run out of gas? +Operator... Operator! Listen, this is an emergency! I have to make this call, but I don't have a dime -- all I got is a nickel -- but you gotta connect me -- +Operator! Listen, this is an emergency! I have to make this call, but I don't have a dime -- all I got is a nickel -- but you gotta connect me -- Sir, it only costs a nickel. +Sir, it only costs a nickel. What? +What? Local calls cost five cents. What number do you want? +Oh -- right! Uh, Madison 3489. Five cents, please. +I'm sorry, there's no answer. Operator, what's today's date? +Operator, what's today's date? March 11th. +March 11th. What year? +What year? Nineteen fifty -- +Good evening, one said. Agents Reese and Foley, from the Nuclear Regulatory Commition. Mind stepping over here? What's this all about? +What, am I radioactive or something? No, no, not beyond an acceptable level. Have you been X-rayed recently, Martin? +Been any place unusual in the past twelve hours? Home, school, here... +Okay, Martin. You have a good evening now. Yeah, Right. +What?! Pro! Release the rope! +Professor Brown! It's almost eight thirty -- I'm outta here! Shhhhhhhh! +The power of a million hydrogen bombs! ...and we get twenty four measly volts. It's not fair! I've been working on this power converter since 1949, and you'd think in all that time, I could find the right chemicals that would efficiently convert radiation into electric energy! But no! Thirty three years of dedication and research, and all I've got to show for it is a bootleg video operation! That reminds me, if we could scrape up enough for a 35 film chain, I've got a connection with a projectionist in a first run house -- we could be sellin' new movies on the street before they're even in the theater. +That reminds me, if we could scrape up enough for a 35 film chain, I've got a connection with a projectionist in a first run house -- we could be sellin' new movies on the street before they're even in the theater. A 35mm film chain... I'll see what I can do.... +Did you ever consider that some doors are locked for a reason? Nope. The way I figure it, doors are made to be opened. See you after school. +Nope. The way I figure it, doors are made to be opened. See you after school. Oh -- Marty -- what time did you say it was? +Eight thirty. AM or PM? +AM or PM? Pro, the sun's out! +Pro, the sun's out! Oh, right, right... +Oh, right, right... Jeez, for a guy with a ton of clocks, you sure don't pay much attention to time. +Catch you later! ...To be traveled through +But Professor -- Get behind the shield! I'm about to release radiation! +No, Marty. Shemp's molecular structure is completely intact! Then where the hell is he? +Then where the hell is he? The appropriate question to ask is when the hell is he! You see, Shemp has just become the world's first time traveller. I've sent Shemp into the future -- two minutes into the future to be exact. +The appropriate question to ask is when the hell is he! You see, Shemp has just become the world's first time traveller. I've sent Shemp into the future -- two minutes into the future to be exact. The future? What are you talking about? Where's Shemp?! +The future? What are you talking about? Where's Shemp?! Shemp is right here in this room...two minutes from now, and at exactly 9:02PM, we'll catch up to him. +Shemp is right here in this room...two minutes from now, and at exactly 9:02PM, we'll catch up to him. Now hold on a minute, Professor! Hold the phone. Are you trying to tell me that this -- all of this here -- that this is -- it's a -- a -- +A time machine! Because of that Coke?! Precisely! +The plutonium! That's what I came over here for! Professor, where did you get that stuff? Why? +Exactly two minutes difference... and it's still ticking! Is Shemp all right? +Of course. Shemp is unaware that anything even happened, other than his stool suddenly falling over. We had to wait two minutes to catch up to him, but for Shemp the trip was instantaneous. Professor, can this thing send Shemp back in time? +A gold mine? Sure! Listen -- we take the racing results from today's paper... +Marty, that would alter history. So what? We'd be rich! +So what? We'd be rich! Don't you understand? The mere act of sending matter back in time would change the course of events, and changing history is a responsibility that I do not wish to bear. +All I know is you're throwing away an awful lot of money. The future, Marty, the future is everything! I built this machine to see the future. So I am going to send Shemp twenty-four hours into the future. You can assist me, if you like. +The future, Marty, the future is everything! I built this machine to see the future. So I am going to send Shemp twenty-four hours into the future. You can assist me, if you like. Sure, he agreed quickly. +Professor? Professor Brown? You know me? +Professor, you time machine works! It works! It sent me back in time! I'm from 1982! Ssshhhhh! +He will be. Simple inebriation, is all. The young man must have a rather low tolerance for alcohol... something that runs in the family. You see, he's a second cousin of mine on my mother's side. Came quite a distance to visit me, he added. His name's Lewis. Marty. +Marty. Uh, Marty Lewis! I almost didn't recognize him -- haven't seen him in years. +Jeez -- this is where you used to live, huh? You must have been rich! Must have been? Used to live? I do live here. +Must have been? Used to live? I do live here. Oh, yeah. +Well, there's a mall here now -- I mean, there will be. A mall? +A mall? Yeah, a shopping mall. You know, a shopping mall? +You've convinced me that you must be who you say you are. No living human has ever seen this machine. But why? Why even in my twilight years would I remotely consider sending someone back in time? You didn't, Professor. It was an accident! You see, what happened -- +You didn't, Professor. It was an accident! You see, what happened -- No! Don't tell me! I don't want to know the future! My knowledge of future events... your mere presence here... could have devastating effects on the course of history. And altering history is a responsibility that I do not wish to bear. My immediate response is to send you back to your own time. +Pardon me? Oh. That expression probably hasn't been invented yet... I can get behind -- I agree with you. +On second thought, there may be some things you'll have to tell me. The power converter... +The power converter... Of course! The power converter! It works! Of course, it works... What chemicals do we use? +Well, Professor, are you sure you want me to tell you? You know, changing the course of history and all.... Blast it -- no, I suppose you're right.... You do know the proper chemical formula? +How did you know? Just a guess. I figured kids would still be drinking Coke in 1982. +Professor. Well, not exactly, Professor. You see, we don't point it at the sun. We don't.... +4200 rads... That certainly can't be generated under controlled conditions in this day and age. That's just great! +You answered the door! You were ringing the doorbell! +I told you not to interfere with any of the events of this time! Nobody's supposed to see you here! What if I was a mailman? Or a salesman? What if you lost your keys? +What if you lost your keys? Then I would have figured out to get back in through the events in the natural course of history! Don't you understand? The fabric of history is very delicate. Anything you do could have serious consequences! +Then I would have figured out to get back in through the events in the natural course of history! Don't you understand? The fabric of history is very delicate. Anything you do could have serious consequences! Hey, look, gimme a break! All I did was answer the door! How's that gonna change history? +Hey, look, gimme a break! All I did was answer the door! How's that gonna change history? I don't know, but I don't want to take any chances! Now you stay here and don't do anything. Don't answer the door, don't answer the phone, don't go outside. Understand? +Let me put it on a level you can understand. You don't belong here. You don't know anything about this world. You don't know the customs, you don't know how to talk, how to act -- you don't even look like you belong here. And if you walked out on the street, you wouldn't get 100 yards without being arrested. Then there would be questions, and where would we come up with the answers? Okay, Professor, I get where you're coming from. The way I look, the way I'm dressed... I'd stick out like a sore thumb. +An atomic bomb. Professor, be serious, would you? +Professor, be serious, would you? I am serious. If we could get you, the time machine, and the power converter in the vicinity of an atomic blast, we could send you back to the future. +I am serious. If we could get you, the time machine, and the power converter in the vicinity of an atomic blast, we could send you back to the future. You're talking crazy! An atomic blast would melt me and the time machine in a matter of seconds! +You're talking crazy! An atomic blast would melt me and the time machine in a matter of seconds! You forget -- time travel is instantaneous. The time machine would melt, but you would have already travelled through time. Of course, it's a moot point regardless. The only place atomic bombs are detonated is at the Army's Nevada Test Site, and those tests are kept absolutely top secret. +Say, where did this guitar come from? Oh -- that -- I found it in the closet. +Oh -- that -- I found it in the closet. I don't recall ever seeing it before. +I don't recall ever seeing it before. Well, it was there. +Well, it was there. Curious... Very curious.... +I know. You did what?!? +Look, it's not a big deal! I can fix it! All I gotta do is get 'em together and make sure my old man asks her out! You better make sure your old man asks her out, because if he doesn't, they may never have a first date. And if they don't have a first date, they won't have a second date. If they don't have a second date, they won't fall in love. If they don't fall in love, they won't get married, and if they don't get married, you'll never be born! +Where did you get this? I brought it with me from 1982. It's from my science book. +The test is this Monday! 15 megatons... Let's see, we need 4200 rads... You'd have to be...exactly 800 yards from ground zero... You realize that what we're going to do could be extremely dangerous. Believe me, Professor, running around on a nuclear test site can't be any more dangerous than what I've been doing. +Your 'mother' wanted me to tell you that she was very impressed by what you did this afternoon, and that if you were interested in going to the dance Saturday, she's available. But that's impossible!! George asked her out! He had to! I saw him walk her home! Oh, God! +But that's impossible!! George asked her out! He had to! I saw him walk her home! Oh, God! My guess is that she turned him down. +My guess is that she turned him down. But why? Why would she do that? She's supposed to marry the guy! +But why? Why would she do that? She's supposed to marry the guy! Apparently, what has happened is that the maternal instinct has transcended the gap of time and this has caused an alteration in your mother's emotional behavior. +Apparently, what has happened is that the maternal instinct has transcended the gap of time and this has caused an alteration in your mother's emotional behavior. Are you trying to tell me that my mother's got the hots for me? +In a manner of speaking, yes. And because of that, she's no longer interested in your father. Jesus! +That's all taken care of. Good. Professor Brown tested the tarp, noting in satisfaction that it was secure. I'll pick you up in front of the school at midnight. Don't be late -- we're cutting it close as it is. We've got a long drive ahead of us. +Look. I'm a little worried about this -- this whole thing with my mother, he admitted to the Professor. I mean, I don't know if I can do it -- I mean, hitting on my own mother, that's pretty heavy. Nobody said anything about hitting her! You're just going to take a few liberties with her. +Nobody said anything about hitting her! You're just going to take a few liberties with her. That's exactly what I said! I mean, a guy and his mother -- that's illegal, isn't it? +That's exactly what I said! I mean, a guy and his mother -- that's illegal, isn't it? Look, Marty, she's not your mother yet. And if you don't go through with this, she may never be. I know it's hard, but there are some things we must do in life that are unpleasant. Some choices must be made that are difficult. Nonetheless, we must make them. Besides, this may be more than a simple question of your own existence, he added. The fate of the entire space-time continuum may rest on your shoulders . Marty tried to smile at him. +Look, Marty, she's not your mother yet. And if you don't go through with this, she may never be. I know it's hard, but there are some things we must do in life that are unpleasant. Some choices must be made that are difficult. Nonetheless, we must make them. Besides, this may be more than a simple question of your own existence, he added. The fate of the entire space-time continuum may rest on your shoulders . Marty tried to smile at him. That's just what I needed to hear. +That's just what I needed to hear. It'll be fine, Marty. You'll be fine. Good luck. He stuck his hand out and Marty shook it. But there was still a question that was nagging at him... +It'll be fine, Marty. You'll be fine. Good luck. He stuck his hand out and Marty shook it. But there was still a question that was nagging at him... Professor, if something does go wrong tonight... if I don't get my parents back together... when do you think I'd cease to exist? +There's no way of knowing. Perfect... +Perfect... It could happen at the moment you arrive back in the future, theoretically, it could happen at the moment of your birth...or conception. Actually, it could happen at any time. It's a question to which I hope we'll never learn the answer. +You didn't? Nope. My father's never clenched a fist in his entire life! +Nope. My father's never clenched a fist in his entire life! Curious... Very curious. +It was sure nice of Uncle Sam to put those yardage markers up for us. We're at one and a half miles, so you're just a little over a mile from where you want to be, Wait until minus 3 minutes before you go -- that should give you plenty of time, and it should be close enough to zero hour that they can't do anything to stop you. Park the truck at 800 and get in the refri-- the time chamber. Just be sure the nose of the truck is pointed at the bomb....the power converter will do the rest. +Thanks for everything, Pro. Professor Brown grinned. I guess I'll see you in... about 30 years. +Marty, I know I've repeatedly asked you not to tell me anything about the future, but....well, those loud bangs on the tape recorder....are they.... Professor -- there are some doors that shouldn't be opened, Marty said softly, without turning around. +What year is this? 1982! March 18, just like we planned! My calculations were absolutely correct! Thirty years! God, I cannot believe it's been thirty years! Sure, it was a long time ago -- longest I've ever had to wait for the results of an experiment! +Hop in, Marty, . We've got a long drive ahead of us. What do you call this? +What do you call this? A car. +You see, I never rebuilt the time machine after it was destroyed in 1952. I decided that experimenting with time and possibly changing history was too risky. Anyway, experiments in time travel were banned in all 87 states after the governor of Cuba caught Dr. Felstien fooling around in the Bermuda Triangle -- that was back in '64. 87 states? Time travel bans? What the hell? +But if you didn't rebuild the time machine, how did I go back in time in the first place? According to your girlfriend, Suzy Parker, you and she were at the movies. You went to the restroom and you never came out. Obviously, you stepped through an inter-dimensional time warp, created by the original operation of the time machine. +Obviously! But I told everyone your disappearance was due to a teleportation experiment you were helping me with. So don't mention anything about time travel to anyone. +But I told everyone your disappearance was due to a teleportation experiment you were helping me with. So don't mention anything about time travel to anyone. What theater was I at? +What theater was I at? The Orpheum. +Pretty, isn't it? It's the most beautiful city I've ever seen! What is it? +Uh, yeah... Gimme a Tab. What? +What? A Tab. +Sweet and what? Maybe you'd better pay for this first. Sure,. +Look, maybe I'd better talk to Dick. Is he around? Dick? Dick who? +Dick? Dick who? Now who's being stupid? The guy who runs this place. +Now who's being stupid? The guy who runs this place. I run this place! +I run this place! What happened to Dick Wilson? +What happened to Dick Wilson? Dick Wilson? Dickie Wilson? Dickie Wilson runs this place? That's a laugh! +...He just lets himself get pushed around all the time! People walk all over him and he never fights back, never stands up for himself. No self confidence, I guess... At least you don't take after him. +No self confidence, I guess... At least you don't take after him. Yeah... Jesus! I wonder how he ever got up enough nerve to marry my mom. +Can you imagine your parents in bed together? No way! +No way! Me neither. I've always wondered whether they slept together before they got married. You think yours did? +Me neither. I've always wondered whether they slept together before they got married. You think yours did? Hell no! The way my mom carries on about sex -- you even mention the word and she goes into cardiac arrest. You shoulda seen her face when I told her we were gonna stay up all night Saturday, he added. Always afraid something is going to happen. +Hell no! The way my mom carries on about sex -- you even mention the word and she goes into cardiac arrest. You shoulda seen her face when I told her we were gonna stay up all night Saturday, he added. Always afraid something is going to happen. Is something going to happen Saturday night? +Suzy! Hi, Marty! +Hi, Marty! What did you do to your hair? +What did you do to your hair? What did you do to yours? +Hi. where's Cato? Well, he's gone. +Well, he's gone. Gone?... Where? +Gone?... Where? He said not to tell. +He said not to tell. Oh yeah? +Oh yeah? Yeah, he said for you to give us a lift into town. You're the ones with the Studebaker, aren't you? +No... You go in there, I'll have to kill you. What's going on? +What's going on? Can't afford to take chances. +Nah, skip that... I'm going to have to keep an eye on you, though. Okay. +Okay. You don't mind? +You promise to stay down there for an hour? Yeah. +Yeah. You expect me to believe that? +Catch! What do you mean? +How you doing, Cato? Not bad. +What you been doing? Running this place for a fella in town. Nothing much to speak of. +Running this place for a fella in town. Nothing much to speak of. Well, I don't notice us hustling trash, either. +Where'd you get them antlers? They come with the house. +Yeah, I guess. She plays the clarinet, too. +That's what he told you, huh? No, he showed me one. +Kit... Maybe I'd better get a shovel. Okay. +Okay. I'll catch up with you. +I'll catch up with you. Okay. +Don't you ever get bored around here? Sometimes. The other day, though, an old boy was plowing in the field over there, found some old Spanish coins. +What'd they look like? Kind of round, like so... Gold. I'll show you if you want. +That your spider in there? In that bottle? Yeah. +Yeah. What do you feed him? +What do you feed him? Oh, flies... grasshoppers when I can catch 'em. +Oh, flies... grasshoppers when I can catch 'em. Does he bite? +Does he bite? He never bit me. +You ever held another job before? I used to throw trash for the City. +I used to throw trash for the City. You lost that one? +You lost that one? Wouldn't be here if I hadn't. +Wouldn't be here if I hadn't. What kind of work do you think you would be qualified for? +What kind of work do you think you would be qualified for? I can't think of anything at the moment... I'd like you to write me out a slip, though, proving I came down here. +Oh yeah? Long as my ammo held out... Right there's where you caught me. +We did it, Ray. You better not leave that Cadillac sitting out here. +Say, what kind of rifle was that you were shooting at me? Thirty aught six. +Thirty aught six. You ever had to open it up like that before? +You ever had to open it up like that before? Nope. +Kit... Kit, I've got a question for you. Mmmmm. +Mmmmm. You like people? +You like people? They're okay. +They're okay. Then why'd you do it? +Then why'd you do it? I don't know. Always wanted to be a criminal, I guess. Just not this big a one... Takes all kinds though. +Hey, listen, Tom, I don't mean to tell you how to run your show here but these cuffs are pinching. What do you say now? I need to get your signature on some papers here, Kit. +I need to get your signature on some papers here, Kit. Well, I've got to read them first. Suppose I could get a Coke while I do? +Well, I've got to read them first. Suppose I could get a Coke while I do? Sure thing. Come on. +Holly's over here, Kit, if you want to see her. Sure. +Well, Kit... Tom... +Tom... Good luck to you. +Good luck to you. Thanks. +Thanks. I mean it. +I mean it. I know you do. Good luck to you, too. +Sure is pretty. What'd you come out here for? +What'd you come out here for? I wasn't aware there was any law against it. +You know, before I met her, nobody could ask me how I was doing with my girl. Matter of fact, I didn't really have one. Is that right? +Is that right? Yeah. +Listen. I got a lot of respect for her, sir. That's about as good a one as I know to tell you. Well, it's not good enough. Just what do you think would happen to her if she stuck around with you, Kit? Guy like you. +Well, it's not good enough. Just what do you think would happen to her if she stuck around with you, Kit? Guy like you. She'd get along okay. And if she didn't, well, she could take off, just take off, I wouldn't mind... I'd always tell people I deserved it. +Hi. What're you doing? +What're you doing? I've got a gun here, sir. It's always a good idea to have one around. +What do you think you're doing? Go on, get out of here. Well, I got it all planned... and I'm taking Holly off with me. +What for? For coming onto my property... With a gun. +For coming onto my property... With a gun. No, you're not either. +No, you're not either. Yeah? Why not? +Yeah? Why not? Cause I can't allow it. +What's going to happen to Jack and me? You have to ask Kit. He says frog, I jump. +You have to ask Kit. He says frog, I jump. Okay. +Okay. What's your friend's name? +What's your friend's name? Jack. +Jack. You love him? +You love him? I don't know. +I've got to stick by Kit... He feels trapped. Yeah. I can imagine. +Yeah. I can imagine. Well, I've felt that way, hadn't you? +Hi, I'm Kit. I'm not keeping you from anything important, am I? No. +No. Well, I was just messing around over there, thought I'd come over and say hello to you. I'll try anything once. What's your name? I said mine. +Well, I was just messing around over there, thought I'd come over and say hello to you. I'll try anything once. What's your name? I said mine. Holly. +Holly. Listen, Holly, you want to take a walk with me? +Listen, Holly, you want to take a walk with me? What for? +What for? Well. I got some stuff to say. Guess I'm kind of lucky that way. Most people don't have anything on their minds, do they? +"Oh, incidentally, my last name is Carruthers. Sounds a little too much like ""druthers"", doesn't it?" It's okay. +It's okay. Well, nobody asked me what I thought. They just hung it on me. +You still in school? Nah, I got me a job. +Nah, I got me a job. Doing what? +Doing what? Well, I don't mind getting up early, so I got a job throwing garbage... I'm not in love with the stuff, okay. +That's my father. I got to run. Hey, wait a minute. When am I going to see you again? +Well, I know what my daddy's going to say. What? +What? Can I be honest? +Can I be honest? Sure. +Sure. Well, that I shouldn't be seen with anybody that collects garbage. +Well, that I shouldn't be seen with anybody that collects garbage. He'll say that? +He'll say that? Yeah. +Yeah. Now what's he know about garbage, huh? +Now what's he know about garbage, huh? Nothing. +Nothing. There you go. +There you go. Well, I mean there's nothing he wants to know about it... I've got to run. +Hi. Well, stop the world. +Well, stop the world. Quit my job. +Quit my job. Great. +Great. Just seemed like the right move... Whatcha doing? +Just seemed like the right move... Whatcha doing? Spanish. +Spanish. "How do you say ""Quit my Job"" in Spanish?" +"How do you say ""Quit my Job"" in Spanish?" Something mi trabajo. +Yeah, well, I'm going to work as a cowboy now... Or thinking about it. It's a routine, like anything. What do you think? I don't know. +You want to go for a ride? Well, I got homework. +Well, I got homework. Bring it along. +You're a redhead. I know. +I know. "Anybody ever call you ""Red""?" +"Anybody ever call you ""Red""?" Yeah, but I don't like it. +Yeah, but I don't like it. Why not? +Why not? Just don't... I've got a headache. +Just don't... I've got a headache. Yeah? +Can I come around and see you tomorrow? Okay. +What a nice place. Yeah, the tree makes it nice. +Yeah, the tree makes it nice. And the flowers... Let's not pick them. They're so nice. +And the flowers... Let's not pick them. They're so nice. It's your play. +My stomach's growling. There's an old Fudgesicle over there. You want it? +There's an old Fudgesicle over there. You want it? No. +Somebody else is going to get it. I don't care. +I don't care. Kids eat that kind of stuff in Korea. +Did it go the way it 'uz supposed to? Yeah. +Yeah. Is that all there is to it? +Is that all there is to it? Yeah. +Gosh, what was everybody talking about? Don't ask me. +You know what I think? What? +What? That we should crunch our hands with this stone. That way we'd never forget what happened today. +That we should crunch our hands with this stone. That way we'd never forget what happened today. But it would hurt. +But it would hurt. Well, that's the point, stupid. +Don't call me stupid. Okay, but I'm going to keep it for a souvenir... +I came in the front. How bad off is he? +How bad off is he? I can look and see. +I can look and see. We better call the doctor... Listen. I'll say how it happened, part I saw. +We better call the doctor... Listen. I'll say how it happened, part I saw. Well... I don't think that'd work. +Are you sure? You don't believe me, see for yourself. +Listen, maybe we ought to tell somebody about this. You said that once already... Too late now. +You said that once already... Too late now. Why? +Why? They're not going to listen to me. You either. Are you kidding? +Suppose the neighbors heard the noise? Wouldn't be funny... Listen, I'll be back in a while. +How you doing? I'm fine. Kind of tired. +I'm fine. Kind of tired. Yeah, me too. +"""The Kon-Tiki in motion was a little different from what it usually was in such conditions. We had become sensitive to changes in the rhythm of the logs. I thought at once of suction from the coast, which was drawing near, and was continually out on the deck and up the mast...""" He was nervous. +I found a lid. It was laying on the ground over there. Put that down. It's dirty. +Look at all this junk. How's he doing? +How's he doing? I got him in the stomach. +Is he upset? He didn't say anything to me about it. +Whatcha looking in there for? We can't afford any of that. Just looking. +Think I got 'em? I don't know. +I don't know. Well, I'm not going down there and look. +What'd you put him in there for? Just to keep him out of the sun. +You tired? Yeah. +Yeah. Yeah, you look tired... Listen, honey. when all this is over, I'm going to sit down and buy you a big, thick steak. +Yeah, you look tired... Listen, honey. when all this is over, I'm going to sit down and buy you a big, thick steak. I don't want a steak. +I don't want a steak. Well, we'll see about that... Hey, lookie. +Later we found out she was deaf and we hadn't even known it. Excuse me. +Hey, why're you always walking ahead of me? Well, why you always walking behind me? +Don't. Anybody ever done that to you before? +Anybody ever done that to you before? No. +No. Positive? +Positive? Yes. +Yes. Guess there's no way I'll ever know. For sure. +I'd like to get out of here. Soon as I start the car... and fix my hat. +"""Rumor: Pat Boone is seriously considering giving up his career so he can return to school full-time and complete his education. Fact: Pat has told intimates that so long as things are going well for his career, it's the education that will have to take the back seat.""" I don't blame him. +I don't blame him. """Rumor: Frank Sinatra and Rita Hayworth are in love... Fact: True, but not with each other.""" +That's Montana over there. I never been to Montana... Acquaintance of mine has, but I hadn't... Never had any reason to. +Why not? I mean, I'm having fun... At least I'm not bitching. Well, I feel kind of like an animal living out here. I mean, there's no place to bathe and... no place to get anything good to eat. +Well, I feel kind of like an animal living out here. I mean, there's no place to bathe and... no place to get anything good to eat. Well, I'll catch you a big trout. Soon as we get to the mountains. +Everybody loves trout. I'm serious. +Maybe we should've tried to hop it. It was going too fast. +It was going too fast. I could've pulled the car up on the tracks, slowed it down some. +I could've pulled the car up on the tracks, slowed it down some. Yeah, then we'd be stuck here. +Yeah, then we'd be stuck here. Well, maybe we oughta be stuck here. I'm not saying that I know. +Well, maybe the slope here is throwing it off some. We ought to find a more flat place. How about over here? +Never mind. It doesn't matter... If I'm worth a damn, I'll pick the right direction. And if I'm not, well, I don't care. See what I mean? No. +No. Well, I shouldn't expect miracles, should I? +What? Nothing... I was just running off at the mouth... as usual. +Nothing... I was just running off at the mouth... as usual. I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. +You know... they'd probably ask to see your driver's license before they hired you. Well. I'm not going to let that stop me. +You smoke Pall Mall? Yeah. +Boy. I had a feeling today was going to be the day... Helicopter. Yeah. +Yeah. He's not coming to take us for a ride, either. Come on, let's make a run for the car. +Have you got a better idea? I just don't want to go. +I just don't want to go. What? +Course it's too bad about your dad. Yeah. +Yeah. We're going to have to sit down, and talk about that sometime. +Hi. Hi... ah, Mister Scarborough here? +Hi... ah, Mister Scarborough here? Yeah, but the thing about him, he's down with the flu. He's sick. +Yeah, but the thing about him, he's down with the flu. He's sick. Really? +Really? Yeah. I'd invite you inside, except it's contagious. Don't want to start an epidemic. +Yeah. I'd invite you inside, except it's contagious. Don't want to start an epidemic. No, of course not. It's only that he called last night and asked if I could come by. +No, of course not. It's only that he called last night and asked if I could come by. Well, he didn't have it last night. +What's that? Well, I'd like to leave a message, if that's okay. +Well, I'd like to leave a message, if that's okay. Sure. +Hi. Yes? +Yes? This your place? +This your place? Yes. +Sorry to barge in on you. Anybody else here besides you two? No. +Good deal... Oh, uh, we're on the run and we'd like to hang out here for a while. Couple of hours, maybe. How'd that be? Stay as long as you like. +Hi, whatcha doing? Just thinking. +Just thinking. Good a way to kill time as any... She okay? +Yes. Listen, ah... We're going to take the Cadillac for a while. How'd that be? +Listen, ah... We're going to take the Cadillac for a while. How'd that be? Fine. +Fine. Don't worry, I won't let her drive. +You're my friend, aren't you? Yes. +Yes. Okay, no monkey business then. +Morning... Say, you got any gas? Maybe. +Maybe. Well. I'm sorry, sir, but we've got to ask you for it. +See, we're about out... been driving all night. Actually, I don't even have time to explain it to you. Well, matter of fact, I don't have any. +Well, matter of fact, I don't have any. Just a second now. That's your truck. isn't it? +You didn't walk out here. It's mine all right. +It's mine all right. Well, listen. I'm going to swap you my Cadillac. +Who are you? Name is Carruthers. Believe I shoot people every now and then. Not that I deserve a medal. +Okay, friend. Start running. Just gimme a chance. +Just gimme a chance. Git. +Hi. Hold it right there. +Hold it right there. I could've held off an army if I could've gotten behind a rock in the mountains. +Think I'll take the juice? Beats me. +You tossed my hat out the window. Wanta sue me? +Wanta sue me? No. +So we'll help. Let's get crackin'! Who're you? +All these people applied for drivers' licenses in the same town in New Jersey on the exact same date. New Jersey? +New Jersey? Forty-six Yoyodyne employees. Grover's Mill, New Jersey, 11/1/38. +November 1, thirty days have September, April, June, and November...when short February's done, all the rest have thirty-one. October 31st! Halloween! Don't you get it? Orson Welles! You mean the guy from the old wine commercials? +You mean the guy from the old wine commercials? "Halloween. 1938...""War of the Worlds""...that fake radio news broadcast that got everybody scared, thinking that real live Martians were landing in Grover's Mill, New Jersey! But then it all just turned out to be a hoax." +"Halloween. 1938...""War of the Worlds""...that fake radio news broadcast that got everybody scared, thinking that real live Martians were landing in Grover's Mill, New Jersey! But then it all just turned out to be a hoax." Then that's it! +Forgive the butterfingers, Buckaroo. Casper Lindley, Knight of the Blue Shield, at your disposal. And my son, Scooter. Nothing to apologize for, Casper. You've gone beyond the call of duty tonight. Mind if I get on the horn and radio the Cavaliers--? They'll be worried. +She gotta be kiddin', right? Vaporize the whole damn planet--? You wanna take the chance, Casper? +You wanna take the chance, Casper? Not me. No way. +Not me. No way. Rawhide, go find out how Professor Hikita's coming with that formula. Mrs. Johnson, take Casper and Scooter, gas up the Jet Car. +There's another one we owe 'em. They're stealing my chopper! +See 'em? They about had me and the whole damn car for breakfast. Broke my windshield... The creatures? They attacked you? They tried to possess you? +Smells fermented. Check in with the Institute, Reno, see if everything's kosher. Buckaroo, I've done an advanced spectrograph analysis on the specimen you pulled off the Jet Car drive shaft. +Rawhide tells me Dr. Lizardo escaped... I'm assigning a couple Blue Shields to protect you around the clock, just in case. +We at the Banzai Institute have at last found that way: an alternating gradient synchronizer that softens solid matter by attenuating its electroweak forces! Which we all know are the forces that tend to pull objects part, right, professor? +Buckaroo! What the Sam Hill! Careful...don't make noise and don't touch me. I'm hotter than flapjacks. +Careful...don't make noise and don't touch me. I'm hotter than flapjacks. What? +What? I'm a giant semi-conductor, and there's alien creatures all around us. Form the Eighth Dimension, I think. Look... +Ever since that phony phone call from the President. Look at this. What is it? It's your hand, Buckaroo. +It's your hand, Buckaroo. It's an antidote. A formula. Whoever it was on the phone made me scribble this and gave me the ability to penetrate their disguises. +Antidote to what? Whose disguises? Arachtoids. From Planet Ten. +Arachtoids. From Planet Ten. Planet 10? +Planet 10? There's a Harley behind those bushes. Get back to the laboratory and start working on the formula. We don't have time to ask questions. Just synthesize it- +I'm starving...somebody, help. Got a half a tuna sandwich. +Got a half a tuna sandwich. Same one you had yesterday? +Then what? Vanished. Thin air. +Dr. Lizardo's a raving lunatic, Perfect Tommy, a vicious psychopath with crazy eyes and flaming orange hair that once upon a time was mousy brown like yours. Have you warned Professor Hikita? +Have you warned Professor Hikita? First thing I did. +The professor and Dr. Emilio Lizardo were actually the first to discover the Eighth Dimension. Almost fifty years ago. Before Buckaroo's parents even knew each other. But there was trouble, a rocket catapult failed and Dr. Lizardo got sucked half in, half out...when they hauled him back ,he wasn't the same guy. His hair was orange... And his soul black as the Ace of Spades. +And his soul black as the Ace of Spades. He went on a senseless crime spree, killed a cop during a bank robbery, got caught and judged insane. The professor told us they threw away the key. +Go back to the bus and reroute the call. And try the President's private number at the hospital. Make sure this is on the level. We're busy people here. +That's me. I've been ionized, but I'm okay. I'm, switching on the homing beacon, mark two minute intervals. Buckaroo, somebody shanghaied the Professor! +Buckaroo, somebody shanghaied the Professor! The deuce you say. That crate! +What crate? I think I'm on to something. You and the guys go back to the house and dig up everything you can on an outfit called Yoyodyne. +I think I'm on to something. You and the guys go back to the house and dig up everything you can on an outfit called Yoyodyne. Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems? You think they're mixed up in this? +You okay? Yeah. Just grazed me. The Professor's under the floor too...with the Overthruster... +You're a welcome sight... Just 'grazed' you, huh? +Apache? Arachtoid. +Arachtoid. So I was right. That's nice to know... +We will, old fried, we will. Sure do pack a mean wallop...let's go... +Anybody we know? Who put this dirty picture in Buckaroo's viewer? +Buckaroo, you got a minute--? Not really. This is pretty important. +Not really. This is pretty important. She wants a picture. +Everybody ready? How do we look? Do we look okay? I look great. Let's rock 'n' roll. +Hey, any lock can be picked. So what's he up to? I'm sure we'll find out soon enough. +Running a little late, Buckaroo. Let her out. In my custody. +Let her out. In my custody. Let her out? She's a killer. +Planet 10? The same Planet 10 you postulated beyond Pluto, Perfect Tommy? The invisible body? Yeah, but most of 'em blasted in through the Eighth Dimension in 1938 at Grover's Mills, New Jersey... +It wouldn't tell us the whole story until you got here. It wasn't to talk to the head honcho. It? Who does? +Buckaroo--! Sorry-- What is it, Tommy? +What is it, Tommy? Sam's dead! Someone broke into the Jet Car! And things are going haywire over at the lab... +Dead. Damnit! Where's the professor? +It's Whorfin, Buckaroo. Line 3. Whorfin? Does he know we're coming? +All accounted for? Where's Penny? New Jersey brought her back to the bus through heavy fire. Quite a guy if you want my opinion. +These antidote filters the Professor's whipped up will let you to see them like I have since yesterday, as arachtoidal creatures. They won't be pretty, nothing personal, John Parker. But just remember...if we fail tonight, there's no tomorrow. They will never surrender. They will fight to the end. +What is this thing? A fighter? Don't look at me, Buckaroo Banzai. I failed flight school. +We're going down! Onto the runway! The door's locked. +I lack the authority, Buckaroo Banzai. At least tell them I'm trying! Tell 'em something--! +Does this thing have guns, John Parker? Boy, I hope so, Buckaroo Banzai. +Pull up! We did it! Holy shit, we did it! Pull up! Now, Buckaroo Banzai? +Now, Buckaroo Banzai? Now! +And there's a two-hundred-dollar deductible we have to eat on that crack in her windshield. Figures. Anybody seen my scope? +They're arachtoids, Buckaroo, from Planet 10! What? How do you know that? +...where there was some kinda giant crash landing, a huge explosion and they fooled Orson Welles into covering it up! And then they founded Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems and hid there for... Orson Wells? What about Doctor Lizardo? +...but he wasn't the real Doctor Lizardo...just this arachtoid creep that stole the good doc's body the year before in the Eighth Dimension when Prof. Hikita's lab exploded... Stole his body? When Doctor Lizardo's hair turned red and his mind snapped? Of course! What else? +Where're you goin'? To get my guns. +And they got Penny! Look! Don't shoot! +They're armed for bear, Buckaroo. Check out those radiation levels. John Parker, tell them we're doing our best. Stall. +Got a casualty list? Just their side. What're we gonna do with these people? They're illegal aliens, the way I figure, been here forty years, you could throw the book at 'em... +Just their side. What're we gonna do with these people? They're illegal aliens, the way I figure, been here forty years, you could throw the book at 'em... And ask the American taxpayer to foot the bill? No way. Send 'em back to the Eighth Dimension as soon as we find the Overthruster. It wasn't in Penny's purse...so if we have to run this joint upside down and inside out... +Raise your hand...where? This is so embarrassing... +This is so embarrassing... Somebody get her a mike? Can we manage that? And a spotlight. What's your name? +Somebody get her a mike? Can we manage that? And a spotlight. What's your name? Penny. I'd rather not reveal my last name or my age. +"Did you say...""Peggy""?" My name is Penny. Penny Priddy. There I've said it, but it won't mean anything to you. I'm a nobody. +Nobody's a nobody. Why're you crying? What's wrong? Did I say anything was wrong? I just sponged up a little too much Vat 69, okay? I'm down to my last nickel in this lousy town, I can't get my luggage outta hock 'cause I met this jerk who said he was a record producer when all he had was a record. He offered to set me up for life, and like a fool, well, I... +Did I say anything was wrong? I just sponged up a little too much Vat 69, okay? I'm down to my last nickel in this lousy town, I can't get my luggage outta hock 'cause I met this jerk who said he was a record producer when all he had was a record. He offered to set me up for life, and like a fool, well, I... He offered you money? +He offered you money? Do I look like that kinda girl? I lost my room this morning. I don't know where I'm gonna sleep tonight, but I keep going. What the hell else can I do? I've still got my figure, and like this bozo said, as long as there's a sidewalk, I'll always have a job. +This song's for Peggy. And all you others out there a little down on your luck. My name's, Penny! But who cares? +Let me go, let me go, you creeps... Everybody okay up here? +What're you doing here? Why're you looking at me like that? I guess 'cause you remind me of someone I once knew, long ago before any of this craziness. +I guess 'cause you remind me of someone I once knew, long ago before any of this craziness. Go away. Let me rot? +Go away. Let me rot? Who were you really trying to kill last night? +Who were you really trying to kill last night? You. Like the papers all say. +You. Like the papers all say. Pretty terrible shot. +Was she pretty? Who? +Who? The girl I remind you of. +The girl I remind you of. She was the Queen of the Netherlands. +She was the Queen of the Netherlands. It's kinda hard this way. +I'd turn around, but I'm afraid you'd strangle me. The Netherlands. Whew, that's a long way from Wyoming. +The Netherlands. Whew, that's a long way from Wyoming. Wyoming? Not Cody, by any chance? +Wyoming? Not Cody, by any chance? No. Laramie. Except I was born in Cody. How did you know that? Oh, right, sure, I forgot: you know everything. +No. Laramie. Except I was born in Cody. How did you know that? Oh, right, sure, I forgot: you know everything. No, I don't. +Having a little trouble with that knot, aren't you? Which? The one in my throat. +Did you have family there--? A sister? In Cody? I don't know. I always felt like I did, like there was another me... +I don't know. I always felt like I did, like there was another me... Another 'you'? +Another 'you'? Somewhere. See I was taken away by the Priddies when I was a baby. I was adopted. +Somewhere. See I was taken away by the Priddies when I was a baby. I was adopted. Adopted. I should have know. Of course. If it was a snake, it'd bit me! +Adopted. I should have know. Of course. If it was a snake, it'd bit me! What? I don't understand you. I don't understand anything anymore. +What? I don't understand you. I don't understand anything anymore. Who does? It's a crazy mixed-up world. Just do the best you can with what you have... +You keep an eye on it. Any time. +Open up or I'll shoot it off. I'll shoot yours off if I had a gun, you double-dealing Casanova! I thought you liked me for myself. But why should you, huh? A jerk like me. +She must've been a bigger fool than me if she ran out on a guy like you... She was killed, Penny. +She was killed, Penny. Oh, my. +Oh, my. Don't go to pieces. I haven't got time tonight. +Looks like you're the one might go to pieces. Where's my damn ammo? Nothing is ever where it's supposed to be around here! +Where's my damn ammo? Nothing is ever where it's supposed to be around here! How did she die? I wanna know. +How did she die? I wanna know. You don't wanna know. +You don't wanna know. Yes, I do. Gimme a chance. I'm stronger than you think. +Yes, I do. Gimme a chance. I'm stronger than you think. She was murdered by Hanoi Shan on our wedding night. +She was murdered by Hanoi Shan on our wedding night. Hanoi Shan--? The guy in your comic books. Boss of the World Crime League? Supreme Commander of the Legion of Death? The Pivot of Mystery himself? You're putting me on. He's a cartoon character. +Hanoi Shan--? The guy in your comic books. Boss of the World Crime League? Supreme Commander of the Legion of Death? The Pivot of Mystery himself? You're putting me on. He's a cartoon character. I wish he was. He's real enough. +Never. I gotta be honest with myself and not repress these feelings-I've got mixed emotions-I don't know if I can handle this. Oh, boy... +I gotta be honest with myself and not repress these feelings-I've got mixed emotions-I don't know if I can handle this. Oh, boy... I gotta go. We're on borrowed time. +I gotta go. We're on borrowed time. Go where? Where're you going? +Go where? Where're you going? Please, Penny. You just gotta trust me now. Okay? And don't panic. Because it's gonna be all right. +Please, Penny. You just gotta trust me now. Okay? And don't panic. Because it's gonna be all right. What? If we just believe in Buckaroo Banzai? +What? If we just believe in Buckaroo Banzai? Yeah...and maybe more important, if you believe in yourself. +Yeah...and maybe more important, if you believe in yourself. Believe in Penny Priddy? +Believe in Penny Priddy? Absolutely. +You've got your six guns strapped on. You're ridding off on another adventure? Oh, my God, it's all real...it really is real. I should go with you. Please... It's too dangerous. +It's too dangerous. That's just what you would say. This is so unreal. I'm dreaming... +Stay here, I'll be back. Sure. I won't hold my breath. +I'm not worth it, Buckaroo! Forget me! Penny--?! Are you all right? +World Watch One. Direct incoming transmission. Hello, Mr. President. How's my favorite patient? Any tenderness? +Hello, Mr. President. How's my favorite patient? Any tenderness? That which does not kill us makes us stronger, Buckaroo. What's it like out there in the real world? +Not too terrific, sir. I apologize for the interruption but something very unusual has reared its ugly head in outer space, and it looks like the Earth's caught in a crossfire. You're gonna have to repeat that, I think, Buckaroo. +...hit Smolensk and precipitate a thermonuclear war, Mr. President. A what? +A what? A thermonuclear holocaust, sir. These creatures from Planet 10 are ready to exploit Soviet-American tensions and get us to blow each other off the face of the earth, sir, if necessary. +A thermonuclear holocaust, sir. These creatures from Planet 10 are ready to exploit Soviet-American tensions and get us to blow each other off the face of the earth, sir, if necessary. You're quite serious about this, aren't you, Buckaroo. We know each other pretty well, I think. +What? A black ship? Where? A black thermopod's been shot down ten miles back. A black thermopod here? On Earth?! Why, John Gomez? Why? +Where was it, John O'Connor? How far back? I have a radio fix... +Not here! No Overthruster! John Whorfin will kill us! +John Whorfin will kill us! You look! It's not here! +But John Whorfin said kill her. Damn John Whorfin--! +Buckaroo, come in...over. How does this damn thing work? Can anybody figure this lighter out? No, sir. I think the flint... +No, sir. I think the flint... What's happening with my call to SAC? +What's happening with my call to SAC? Still no confirmation either from SAC or Strategic Space Command. They report all surveillance satellite communication jammed. +Still no confirmation either from SAC or Strategic Space Command. They report all surveillance satellite communication jammed. Jammed--? By who? Whom by? +Jammed--? By who? Whom by? Possible atmospheric condition, sir...solar. It's unusual, but no cause for alarm. Intelligence reports the Soviets are having the same problem. +Possible atmospheric condition, sir...solar. It's unusual, but no cause for alarm. Intelligence reports the Soviets are having the same problem. Should we be on Code Red? +How long you been riding with Buckaroo, Reno? Nigh on ten years. Been through a lotta scrapes together. +Nigh on ten years. Been through a lotta scrapes together. What'd you do before? Can I ask? +What'd you do before? Can I ask? Government work. Had my own think tank. Got tired of thinking-wanted some action. Seen plenty of it too. So will you if you stick around. +Government work. Had my own think tank. Got tired of thinking-wanted some action. Seen plenty of it too. So will you if you stick around. Where's Buckaroo? Is he alive? +Where's Buckaroo? Is he alive? Course he's alive. He's Buckaroo Banzai. +What's his problem? Perfect Tommy's just threatened by smart women. Can you play that thing? +Perfect Tommy's just threatened by smart women. Can you play that thing? Better than him. +Better see what's keepin' the boss, Reno. Why me? +Pick those up, Reno. I didn't drop 'em. +It's a spittin' image. Doesn't look anything like her to me. +Doesn't look anything like her to me. Pictures don't lie. +Pictures don't lie. Hell they don't. I met my first wife that way. +Hell they don't. I met my first wife that way. It's Peggy to these eyes. Same nose, same hair. Plus Buckaroo thinks so too or else he wouldn't be ready to go make a fool of himself, right? +Doctor Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once? You're thinking of Mr. Wizard. This guy's an eccentric genius. +You're thinking of Mr. Wizard. This guy's an eccentric genius. Hey, so was Mr. Wizard. +The name's Reno. This here's Perfect Tommy. Where do you hail from, Doc? +Reno, how's about you take New Jersey's gear, mosey on over to the bus and introduce him to the rest of the hands. Why me? +Why me? Cause Buckaroo needs me here. +Any sign of Buckaroo? No! Ditto the professor- +We're waiting for the Jet Car. Billy's bringing it. Asshole probably got lost. +So where's Buckaroo? Whadda you need Buckaroo for? +Unscheduled surgery. He'll be waltzing along momentarily. What're you doing tonight? Flying to Cambodia. +That's why I wear a fifty dollar hat. Was a two hundred dollar hat, I hadda kill you. Bet you say that to all the girls, Perfect Tommy. +Bet you say that to all the girls, Perfect Tommy. Bet I do. +Now twenty seconds downrange...Perfect Tommy, how on earth is Buckaroo able to keep that thing on the ground? She's just a damn road hugger, Allison. Plus the man can drive. +Is, uh... Is he okay? He will be... When he can't write, he drinks. +I am sorry, it's so embarassing. How about you? Will you be alright? +How about you? Will you be alright? I'll be fine... Are you a writer, Mr Fink? +I'll be fine... Are you a writer, Mr Fink? Yes I am. I'm working on a wres – please call me Barton. +I'll tell Bill you dropped by. I'm sure he'll want to reschedule your appointment. Perhaps you and I could get together at some point also. –I'm sorry if that sounds abrupt. I just... I don't know anyone here in this town. +Perhaps the three of us, Mr. Fink. Please, Barton. +Please, Barton. Barton. You see, Barton, I'm not just Bill's secretary – Bill and I are... I love. We- +I see. ...I know this must look... funny. +...I know this must look... funny. No, no – +Let him go. That son of a bitch... Don't get me wrong, he's a fine writer. +...Oh Barton, I feel so... sorry for him! What?! He's a son of a bitch! +What?! He's a son of a bitch! No, sometimes he just... well, he thinks about Estelle. His wife still lives in Fayettesville. She's... disturbed. +No, sometimes he just... well, he thinks about Estelle. His wife still lives in Fayettesville. She's... disturbed. Really?... +...Well that doesn't excuse his behavior. He'll wander back when he's sober and apologize. He always does. +He'll wander back when he's sober and apologize. He always does. Okay, but that doesn't excuse his – +Okay, but that doesn't excuse his – Barton. Empathy requires... understanding. +Barton. Empathy requires... understanding. What. What don't I understand? +Pick it up... Pick it up. Pick it- Hello. +Hello. Audrey, listen, I need help. I know it's late and I shouldn't be calling you like this – believe me I wouldn't have if I could see any other alternative, but I – I'm sorry - listen, how are you – I'm sorry. You doing okay? +Audrey, listen, I need help. I know it's late and I shouldn't be calling you like this – believe me I wouldn't have if I could see any other alternative, but I – I'm sorry - listen, how are you – I'm sorry. You doing okay? ...Who is this? +...Who is this? Barton. I'm sorry, it's Barton Fink. +If you could, I'd – If I can. He gets jealous; he- +Hello, Barton. Audrey, thank you for coming. Thank you. I'm sorry to be such a... such a... Thank you. +Now that's all right, Barton. Everything'll be all right. Yes. Thank you. How's Bill? +Yes. Thank you. How's Bill? Oh, he's... he drifted off. He'll sleep for a while now. What is it you have to do, exactly? +Well I have to come up with – an outline, I'd guess you call it. The story. The whole goddamn story. Soup to nuts. Three acts. The whole goddamn- It's alright, Barton. You don't have to write actual scenes? +It's alright, Barton. You don't have to write actual scenes? No, but the whole goddamn – Audrey? Have you ever had to read any of Bill's wrestling scenarios? +Yes, I'm afraid I have. What are they like? What are they about? +What are they like? What are they about? Well, usually, they're... simply morality tales. There's a good wrestler, and a bad wrestler whom he confronts at the end. In between, the good wrestler has a love interest or a child he has to protect. Bill would usually make the good wrestler a backwoods type, or a convict. And sometimes, instead of a waif, he'd have the wrestler protecting an idiot manchild. The studio always hated that. Oh, some of the scripts were so... spirited! +Well... THIS. You wrote his scripts for him? +You wrote his scripts for him? Well, the basic ideas were frequently his- +Well, the basic ideas were frequently his- You wrote Bill's scripts! Jesus Christ, you wrote his – what about before that? +You wrote Bill's scripts! Jesus Christ, you wrote his – what about before that? Before what? +Before what? Before Bill came to Hollywood. +Well, Bill was ALWAYS the author, so to speak- What do you mean so to speak?! Audrey, how long have you been his... secretary? +What do you mean so to speak?! Audrey, how long have you been his... secretary? Barton, I think we should concentrate on OUR little project- +Barton, I think we should concentrate on OUR little project- I want to know how many of Bill's books you wrote! +I want to know how many of Bill's books you wrote! Barton! +Barton! I want to know! +I want to know! Barton, honestly, only the last couple- +Barton, honestly, only the last couple- Hah! +Hah! And my input was mostly... EDITORIAL, really, when he'd been drinking- +And my input was mostly... EDITORIAL, really, when he'd been drinking- "I'll bet. Jesus – ""The grand productive days."" What a goddamn phony." +If I close m'eyes I can almost smell the live oak. That's hamburger grease, Bill. +That's hamburger grease, Bill. Well, m'olfactory's turnin' womanish on me – lyin' and deceitful... +...This'll sometimes help. That doesn't help anything, Bill. +So now I'm s'posed to roll over like an ol' bitch dog gettin' ger belly scratched. Bill – +M'honey pretends to be impatient with me, Barton, but she'll put up with anything. Not anything, Bill. Don't test me. +Am I? Maybe to a schoolboy's eye. People who know about the human heart, though, mebbe they'd say, Bill over here, he gives his honey love, and she pays him back with pity – the basest coin there is. Stop it, Bill! +Barton, I'm afraid it's not a good time- Drown all those rascals... +All right Barton, I'll see if I can slip away- Who is that?! Gaddamn voices come into the house... sons of bitches... +I'll try to slip out. If he quiets down, passes out... I'm afraid he thinks – well, he said you were a buffoon, Barton. He becomes irrational– Hesh up! Be still now! DROWN 'EM! DROWN 'EM! DROWN – +How d'ya like your room! ...Who is this? +...Who is this? Chet! +Chet! ...Who? +...Who? Chet! From downstairs! +...Hello. Garland, it's me. +I write. Oh yeah? What kind of write? +Oh yeah? What kind of write? Well as a matter of fact, I write for the pictures. +No, I – I didn't mean to sound – What DID you mean? +What DID you mean? I – I've got respect for – for working guys, like you – +How long you been up there, Fink? A week, eight, nine days – +Ever talk to him? ...Once or twice. His name is Charlie Meadows. +Yeah, he's funny that way. I... +...No. I never saw him with anyone else. So. You talked to Mundt, what about? +So. You talked to Mundt, what about? Nothing, really. Said he was in the insurance business. +Well that's what he said. What else? +What else? He... I'm trying to think... Nothing, really... He... He said he liked Jack Oakie pictures. +Could you come back later? It's just... too hot... My head is killing me. All right, forget the heads. Where's Mundt, Fink? +I beg your pardon? W.P. Mayhew? The writer? +W.P. Mayhew? The writer? Just Bill, please. +Sir, I'm flattered that you even recognize my name. My God, I had no idea you were in Hollywood. All of us undomesticated writers eventually make their way out here to the Great Salt Lick. Mebbe that's why I allus have such a powerful thrust. +...A little social lubricant, Mistuh Fink? It's still a little early for me. +It's still a little early for me. So be it. +...Still, I must say. I haven't felt peace like this since the grand productive days. Don't you find it so, Barton? Ain't writin' peace? Well... actually, no Bill... +...No, I've always found that writing comes from a great inner pain. Maybe it's a pain that comes from a realization that one must do something for one's fellow man – to help somehow to ease his suffering. Maybe it's a personal pain. At any rate, I don't believe good work is possible without it. Mmm. Wal, me, I just enjoy maikn' things up. Yessir. Escape... It's when I can't write, can't escape m'self, that I want to tear m'head off and run screamin' down the street with m'balls in a fruitpickers pail. Mm... +Look, maybe it's none of my business, but a man with your talent – don't you think your first obligation would be to your gift? Shouldn't you be doing whatever you have to do to work again? And what would that be, son? +And what would that be, son? I don't know exactly. But I do know what you're doing with that drink. You're cutting yourself off from your gift, and from me and Audrey, and from your fellow man, and from everything your art is about. +I don't know exactly. But I do know what you're doing with that drink. You're cutting yourself off from your gift, and from me and Audrey, and from your fellow man, and from everything your art is about. No son, thisahere moonshine's got nothin' to do with shuttin' folks out. No, I'm usin' it to build somethin'. +No son, thisahere moonshine's got nothin' to do with shuttin' folks out. No, I'm usin' it to build somethin'. What's that? +What's that? I'm buildin' a levee. Gulp by gulp, brick by brick. Raisin' up a levee to keep that ragin' river of manure from lappin' at m'door. +I'll jus' walk on down to the Pacific, and from there I'll... improvise. Are you all right? +I'm sorry, I just feel like –I know I shouldn't ask, I just need some kind of help, I just, I have a deadline tomorrow- I said drown 'em all! Who is that? +Goddamn voices... DROWN 'EM! I need help, Audrey. +I'm a writer, Mr. Geisler. Ted Okum said I should drop by morning to see you about the – Ever act? +Ever act? ...Huh? No, I'm – +...Huh? No, I'm – We need Indians for a Norman Steele western. +We need Indians for a Norman Steele western. I'm a writer. Ted O – +I'm a writer. Ted O – Think about it, Fink. Writers come and go; we always need Indians. +Think about it, Fink. Writers come and go; we always need Indians. I'm a writer. Ted Okum said you're producing this Wallace Beery picture I'm working on. +I'm a writer. Ted Okum said you're producing this Wallace Beery picture I'm working on. What!? Ted Okum doesn't know shit. They've assigned me enough pictures for a goddamn year. What Ted Okum doesn't know you could almost squeeze into the Hollywood Bowl. +What!? Ted Okum doesn't know shit. They've assigned me enough pictures for a goddamn year. What Ted Okum doesn't know you could almost squeeze into the Hollywood Bowl. Then who should I talk to? +Don't worry about it. It's just a B picture. I bring it in on budget, they'll book it without even screening it. Life is too short. But Lipnik said he wanted to look at the script, see something by the end of the week. +But Lipnik said he wanted to look at the script, see something by the end of the week. Sure he did. And he forgot about it before your ass left his sofa. +Sure he did. And he forgot about it before your ass left his sofa. Okay. I'm just having trouble getting started. It's funny, I'm blocked up. I feel like I need some kind of indication of... what's expected – +Okay. I'm just having trouble getting started. It's funny, I'm blocked up. I feel like I need some kind of indication of... what's expected – Wallace Beery. Wrestling picture. What do you need, a road map? +...Look, you're confused? You need guidance? Talk to another writer. Who? +Wuddya got for me – what the hell happened to your face? Nothing. It's just a mosquito bite. +Nothing. It's just a mosquito bite. Like hell it is; there are no mosquitos in Los Angeles. Mosquitos breed in swamps – this is a desert town. Wuddya got for me? +Like hell it is; there are no mosquitos in Los Angeles. Mosquitos breed in swamps – this is a desert town. Wuddya got for me? Well I... +Well I... On the Beery picture! Where are we? Wuddya got? +On the Beery picture! Where are we? Wuddya got? Well, to tell you the truth, I'm having some trouble getting started– +Well, to tell you the truth, I'm having some trouble getting started– Getting STARTED! Christ Jesus! Started?! You mean you don't have ANYthing?! +Getting STARTED! Christ Jesus! Started?! You mean you don't have ANYthing?! Well not much. +What do you think this is? HAMLET? GONE WITH THE WIND? RUGGLES OF RED GAP? It's a goddamn B picture! Big men in tights! You know the drill! I'm afraid I don't really understand that genre. maybe that's the prob- +I'm afraid I don't really understand that genre. maybe that's the prob- Understand shit! I though you were gonna consult another writer on this! +Understand shit! I though you were gonna consult another writer on this! Well, I've talked to Bill Mayhew- +Well, I've talked to Bill Mayhew- Bill Mayhew! Some help! The guy's a souse! +Bill Mayhew! Some help! The guy's a souse! He's a great writer – +He's a great writer – A souse! +A souse! You don't understand. He's in pain, because he can't write- +You don't understand. He's in pain, because he can't write- Souse! Souse! He manages to write his name on the back of his paycheck every week! +Souse! Souse! He manages to write his name on the back of his paycheck every week! But... I thought no one cared about this picture. +But... I thought no one cared about this picture. You thought! Where'd you get THAT from? You thought! I don't know what the hell you said to Lipnik, but the sonofabitch LIKES you! You understand that, Fink? He LIKES you! He's taken an interest. NEVER make Lipnik like you. NEVER! +I don't understand- Are you deaf, he LIKES you! He's taken an interest! What the hell did you say to him? +Are you deaf, he LIKES you! He's taken an interest! What the hell did you say to him? I didn't say anything- +I didn't say anything- Well he's taken an interest! That means he'll make your life hell, which I could care less about, but since I drew the short straw to supervise this turkey, he's gonna be all over me too! Fat-assed sonofabitch called me yesterday to ask how it's going – don't worry, I covered for you. Told him you were making progress and we were all very excited. I told him it was great, so now MY ass is on the line. He wants you to tell him all about it tomorrow. +Well he's taken an interest! That means he'll make your life hell, which I could care less about, but since I drew the short straw to supervise this turkey, he's gonna be all over me too! Fat-assed sonofabitch called me yesterday to ask how it's going – don't worry, I covered for you. Told him you were making progress and we were all very excited. I told him it was great, so now MY ass is on the line. He wants you to tell him all about it tomorrow. I can't write anything by tomorrow. +I can't write anything by tomorrow. Who said write? Jesus, Jack can't read. You gotta TELL it to him-tell him SOMEthing for Chrissake. +Who said write? Jesus, Jack can't read. You gotta TELL it to him-tell him SOMEthing for Chrissake. Well what do I tell him? +I thought you were going to join us. Jesus, Garland, you left me alone with those people. Don't panic, I'll join you in a minute. What's you think of Richard and Poppy? +We have to talk a little business. I've just been on the phone to Los Angeles. Barton, Capitol Pictures wants to put you under contract. They've offered you a thousand dollars a week. I think I can get them to go as high as two. To do what? +To do what? What do you do far a living? +What do you do far a living? I'm not sure anymore. I guess I try to make a difference. +I'm not sure anymore. I guess I try to make a difference. Fair enough. No pressure here, Barton, because I respect you, but let me point out a couple of things. One, here you make a difference to five hundred fifty people a night – if the show sells out. Eighty five million people go to the pictures every week. +Fair enough. No pressure here, Barton, because I respect you, but let me point out a couple of things. One, here you make a difference to five hundred fifty people a night – if the show sells out. Eighty five million people go to the pictures every week. To see pap. +To see pap. Yes, generally, to see pap. However, point number two: A brief tenure in Hollywood could support you through the writing of any number of plays. +Yes, generally, to see pap. However, point number two: A brief tenure in Hollywood could support you through the writing of any number of plays. I don't know, Garland; my place is here right now. I feel I'm on the brink of success- +I don't know, Garland; my place is here right now. I feel I'm on the brink of success- I'd say you're already enjoying some. +...I guess I'm sprouting off again. But I am certain of this, Garland: I'm capable of more good work. Maybe better work than I did in Choirs. It just doesn't seem to me that Los Angeles is the place to lead the life of mind. Okay Barton, you're the artist, I'm just the ten percenter. You decide what you want and I'll make it happen. I'm only asking that your decision be informed by a little realism – if I can use that word and Hollywood in the same breath. +...Look, they love you, kid – everybody does. You see Caven's review in the Herald? No, what did it say? +No, what did it say? Take my copy. You're the toast of Broadway and you have the opportunity to redeem that for a little cash – strike that, a lot of cash. +Barton? What time is it? Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine, Garland – I have to talk to you. I'm calling long distance. +Yeah, I'm fine, Garland – I have to talk to you. I'm calling long distance. Okay. +...What is it Barton? Are you okay? I'm fine, garland, but I have to talk with you. +I'm fine, garland, but I have to talk with you. Go ahead, son. +Go ahead, son. It's about what I'm writing, Garland. It's really... I think it's really big. +It's about what I'm writing, Garland. It's really... I think it's really big. What do you mean, Barton? +What do you mean, Barton? Not big in the sense of large – although it's that too. I mean important. This may be the most IMPORTANT work I've done. +Not big in the sense of large – although it's that too. I mean important. This may be the most IMPORTANT work I've done. Well, I'm... glad to hear that – +Well, I'm... glad to hear that – Very important, Garland. I just thought you should know that. Whatever happens. +Very important, Garland. I just thought you should know that. Whatever happens. ...That's fine. +...That's fine. Have you read the Bible, Garland? +Have you read the Bible, Garland? ...Barton, is everything okay? +...Barton, is everything okay? Yes... Isn't it? +Yes... Isn't it? Well, I'm just asking. You sound a little – +Sound a little what? Well, you just... sound a little– +Neighbor, I'd feel better about the damned inconvenience if you'd let me buy you a drink. That's all right, really, thank you. +That's all right, really, thank you. All right, hell, you trying to work and me carrying on in there. Look, the liquor's good, wuddya say? +... You got a glass? It's the least I can do. Okay... a quick one, sure... +Yeah, just a nip. I feel like hell, all the carryings-on next door. That's okay, I assure you. It's just that I was trying to work – +That's okay, I assure you. It's just that I was trying to work – What kind of work do you do, Barton, if you don't mind my asking? +What kind of work do you do, Barton, if you don't mind my asking? Well, I'm a writer, actually. +Well, I'm a writer, actually. You don't say. That's a tough racket. My hat's off to anyone who can make a go of it. Damned interesting work, I'd imagine. +You don't say. That's a tough racket. My hat's off to anyone who can make a go of it. Damned interesting work, I'd imagine. Can be. Not easy, but – +Can be. Not easy, but – Damned difficult, I'd imagine. +And what's your line, Mr. Meadows? Hell no! Call me Charlie. Well Barton, you might say I sell peace of mind. Insurance is my game – door-to-door, human contact, still the only way to move merchandise. +...In spite of what you might think from tonight, I'm pretty good at it. Doesn't surprise me at all. +Doesn't surprise me at all. Hell yes. Because I believe in it. Fire, theft, and casualty are not things that only happen to other people – that's what I tell 'em. Writing doesn't work out, you might want to look into it. Providing for basic human need – a fella could do worse. +Hell yes. Because I believe in it. Fire, theft, and casualty are not things that only happen to other people – that's what I tell 'em. Writing doesn't work out, you might want to look into it. Providing for basic human need – a fella could do worse. Thanks, I'll keep it in mind. +Thanks, I'll keep it in mind. What kind of scribbler are you – newspaperman did you say? +What kind of scribbler are you – newspaperman did you say? No, I'm actually writing for the pictures now – +No, I'm actually writing for the pictures now – Pictures! Jesus! +...Is the egg showing or what?! That's okay; actually I am just starting out in the movies – though I was pretty well established in New York, some renown there, +That's okay; actually I am just starting out in the movies – though I was pretty well established in New York, some renown there, Oh, it's an exciting time then. I'm not the best-read mug on the planet, so I guess it's no surprise I didn't recognize your name. Jesus, I feel like a heel. +That's okay, Charlie. I'm a playwright. My shows've only played New York. Last one got a hell of a write-up in the Herald. I guess that's why they wanted me here. Hell, why not? Everyone wants quality. What kind of venue, that is to say, thematically, uh... +Hell, why not? Everyone wants quality. What kind of venue, that is to say, thematically, uh... What do I write about? +Caught me trying to be fancy! Yeah, that's it, Bart. Well, that's a good question. Strange as it may seem, Charlie, I guess I write about people like you. The average working stiff. The common man. +Well, that's a good question. Strange as it may seem, Charlie, I guess I write about people like you. The average working stiff. The common man. Well ain't that a kick in the head! +Well ain't that a kick in the head! Yeah, I guess it is. But in a way, that's exactly the point. There's a few people in New York – hopefully our numbers are growing – who feel we have an opportunity now to forge something real out of everyday experience, create a theater for the masses that's based on a few simple truths – not on some shopworn abstractions about drama that doesn't hold true today, if they ever did... +...I don't guess this means much to you. Hell, I could tell you some stories– +Hell, I could tell you some stories– And that's the point, that we all have stories. The hopes and dreams of the common man are as noble as those of any king. It's the stuff of life – why shouldn't it be the stuff of theater? Goddamnit, why should that be a hard pill to swallow? Don't call it new theater, Charlie; call it real theater. Call it our theater. +And that's the point, that we all have stories. The hopes and dreams of the common man are as noble as those of any king. It's the stuff of life – why shouldn't it be the stuff of theater? Goddamnit, why should that be a hard pill to swallow? Don't call it new theater, Charlie; call it real theater. Call it our theater. I can see you feel pretty strongly about it. +I can see you feel pretty strongly about it. Well, I don't mean to get up on my high horse, but why shouldn't we look at ourselves up there? Who cares about the Fifth Earl of Bastrop and Lady Higginbottom and – and – and who killed Nigel Grinch-Gibbons? +Well, I don't mean to get up on my high horse, but why shouldn't we look at ourselves up there? Who cares about the Fifth Earl of Bastrop and Lady Higginbottom and – and – and who killed Nigel Grinch-Gibbons? I can feel my butt getting sore already. +I can feel my butt getting sore already. Exactly, Charlie! You understand what I'm saying – a lot more than some of these literary types. Because you're a real man! +Exactly, Charlie! You understand what I'm saying – a lot more than some of these literary types. Because you're a real man! And I could tell you some stories – +And I could tell you some stories – Sure you could! And yet many writers do everything in their power to insulate themselves from the common man – from where they live, from where they trade, from where they fight and love and converse and – and – and... so naturally their work suffers, and regresses into empty formalism and – well, I'm spouting off again, but to put it in your language, the theater becomes as phony as a three dollar bill. +Sure you could! And yet many writers do everything in their power to insulate themselves from the common man – from where they live, from where they trade, from where they fight and love and converse and – and – and... so naturally their work suffers, and regresses into empty formalism and – well, I'm spouting off again, but to put it in your language, the theater becomes as phony as a three dollar bill. Yeah, I guess that's tragedy right there. +Yeah, I guess that's tragedy right there. Frequently played, seldom remarked. +You're all right, Charlie. I'm glad you stopped by. I'm sorry if – well I know I sometimes run on. Hell no! Jesus, I'm the kind of guy, I'll let you know if I'm bored. I find it all pretty damned interesting. I'm the kind schmoe who's generally interested in the other guy's point of view. +Hell no! Jesus, I'm the kind of guy, I'll let you know if I'm bored. I find it all pretty damned interesting. I'm the kind schmoe who's generally interested in the other guy's point of view. Well, we've got something in common then. +Sure, sure Charlie, you can help by just being yourself. Well, I can tell you some stories – +...And look, I'm sorry as hell about the interruption. Too much revelry late at night, you forget there are other people in the world. See you, Charlie. +Howdy, neighbor. Charlie. How are you. +Charlie. How are you. Jesus, I hope I'm not interrupting you again. I heard you walking around in here. Figured I'd drop by. +Jesus, I hope I'm not interrupting you again. I heard you walking around in here. Figured I'd drop by. Yeah, come in Charlie. Hadn't really gotten started yet – what happened to your ear? +Oh, yeah. An ear infection, chronic thing. Goes away for a while, but it always comes back. Gotta put cotton in it to staunch the flow of pus. Don't worry, it's not contagious. Seen a doctor? +Ah, doctors. What's he gonna tell me? Can't trade my head in for a new one. No, I guess you're stuck with the one you've got. Have a seat. +Thanks, I'd invite you over to my place, but it's a goddamn mess. You married, Bart? Nope. +Nope. I myself have yet to be lassoed. +...Got a sweetheart? No... I guess it's something about my work. I get so worked up over it, I don't know; I don't really have a lot of attention left over, so it would be a little unfair... +No... I guess it's something about my work. I get so worked up over it, I don't know; I don't really have a lot of attention left over, so it would be a little unfair... Yeah, the ladies do ask for attention. In my experience, they pretend to give it, but it's generally a smoke- screen for demanding it back – with interest. How about family, Bart? How're you fixed in that department? +My folks live in Brooklyn, with my uncle. Mine have passed on. It's just the three of us now... +...What's the expression – me myself and I. Sure, that's tough, but in a sense, we're all alone in this world aren't we Charlie? I'm often surrounded by family and friends, but... +...It was taken by one of my policy holders. They're more than just customers to me, Barton. They really appreciate what I have to offer them. Ya see, her hubby was out of town at the time – You know, in a way, I envy you Charlie. Your daily routine – you know what's expected. You know the drill. My job is to plumb the depths, so to speak, dredge something up from inside, something honest. There's no road map for that territory... +...This must be boring you. Not at all. It's damned interesting. +Not at all. It's damned interesting. Yeah... +...Probably sounds a little grand coming from someone who's writing a wrestling picture for Wallace Beery. Beery! You got no beef there! He's good. Hell of an actor – though, for my money, you can't beat Jack Oakie. A stitch, Oakie. Funny stuff, funny stuff. But don't get me wrong – Beery, a wrestling picture, that could be a pip. Wrestled some myself back in school. I guess you know the basic moves. +Beery! You got no beef there! He's good. Hell of an actor – though, for my money, you can't beat Jack Oakie. A stitch, Oakie. Funny stuff, funny stuff. But don't get me wrong – Beery, a wrestling picture, that could be a pip. Wrestled some myself back in school. I guess you know the basic moves. Nope, never watched any. I'm not that interested in the act itself – +Nope, never watched any. I'm not that interested in the act itself – Okay, but hell, you should know what it is. I can show you in about thirty seconds. +...You're a little out of your weight class, but just for purposes of demonstration – That's all right, really – +That's all right, really – Not a bit of it, compadre! Easiest thing in the world! You just get down on your knees to my left, slap your right hand here... +"...All right now, when I say ""Ready... wrestle!"" you try and pin me, and I try and pin you. That's the whole game. Got it?" ...Yeah, okay. +...Yeah, okay. Ready... wrestle! +It's okay, it's okay. Well, that's all that wrestling is. Except usually there's more grunting and squirming before the pin. Well, it's your first time. And you're out of your weight class. +I hope these are your shoes. Hi, Charlie. +Hi, Charlie. Because that would mean they gave you mine. +Because that would mean they gave you mine. Yeah, as a matter of fact they did. Come on in. +Jesus, what a day I've had. Ever had one of those days? Seems like nothing but, lately. +Jesus, what a day. Felt like I couldn't've sold ice water in the Sahara. Jesus. Okay, so you don't want insurance, so okay, that's your loss. But God, people can be rude. Feel like I have to talk to a normal person like just to restore a little of my... Well, my pleasure. I could use a little lift myself. +Well, my pleasure. I could use a little lift myself. A little lift, yeah... +...Did I say rude? People can be goddamn cruel. Especially some of their housewives. Okay, so I've got a weight problem. That's my cross to bear. I dunno... Well it's... it's a defense mechanism. +Well it's... it's a defense mechanism. Defense against what? Insurance? Something they need? Something they should be thanking me for offering? A little peace of mind?... +...Listen to me belly-achin'. As if my problems amounted to a hill of beans. How goes the life of the mind? Well, it's been better. I can't seem to get going on this thing. That one idea, the one that lets you get started – I still haven't gotten it. Maybe I only had one idea in me – my play. Maybe once that was done, I was done being a writer. Christ, I feel like a fraud, sitting here staring at this paper. +Well, it's been better. I can't seem to get going on this thing. That one idea, the one that lets you get started – I still haven't gotten it. Maybe I only had one idea in me – my play. Maybe once that was done, I was done being a writer. Christ, I feel like a fraud, sitting here staring at this paper. Those two love-birds next door drivin' you nuts? +How did you know about that? Know about it? I can practically see how they're doin' it. Brother, I wish I had a piece of that. +Know about it? I can practically see how they're doin' it. Brother, I wish I had a piece of that. Yeah, but – +Yeah, but – Seems like I hear everything that goes on in this dump. Pipes or somethin'. I'm just glad I don't have to ply MY trade in the wee-wee hours. +...Ah, you'll lick this picture business, believe me. You've got a head on your shoulders. What is it they say? Where there's a head, there's a hope? Where there's life there's hope. +And there's hope for you too, Charlie. Tomorrow I bet you sell a half-dozen policies. Thanks, brother. But the fact is, I gotta pull up stakes temporarily. +Thanks, brother. But the fact is, I gotta pull up stakes temporarily. You're leaving? +You're leaving? In a few days. Out to your stompin' grounds as a matter of fact – New York City. Things have gotten all balled up at the Head Office. +In a few days. Out to your stompin' grounds as a matter of fact – New York City. Things have gotten all balled up at the Head Office. I'm truly sorry to hear that, Charlie. I'll miss you. +I'm truly sorry to hear that, Charlie. I'll miss you. Well hell, buddy, don't pull a long face! This is still home for me – I keep my room, and I'll be back sooner or later... +...Your room does that too? I guess the heat's sweating off the wallpaper. +I guess the heat's sweating off the wallpaper. What a dump... +...I guess it seems pathetic to a guy like you. Well... +Well... Well it's pathetic, isn't it? I mean to a guy from New York. +Well it's pathetic, isn't it? I mean to a guy from New York. What do you mean? +What do you mean? This kind of heat. It's pathetic. +This kind of heat. It's pathetic. Well, I guess you pick your poison. +Well, I guess you pick your poison. So they say. +So they say. Don't pick up and leave without saying goodbye. +Don't pick up and leave without saying goodbye. Course not, compadre. You'll see me again. +...Can I come in? No!... I'm fine. Thank you. +No!... I'm fine. Thank you. Are you sure – +Are you sure – No... no... +Barton. Are you all right? No... Can I come in? +No... Can I come in? Why don't we go to your room- +Why don't we go to your room- Charlie, I'm in trouble. You've gotta help me. +Get a grip on yourself, brother. Whatever the problem is, we'll sort it out. Charlie, I'm in trouble – something horrible's happened – I've gotta call the police... +...Will you stay with me till they get here? Don't worry about it, Barton. We can sort it- +...Jesus, Barton, what the hell is this? What're we gonna do? I've gotta call the police – or you could call for me – +I've gotta call the police – or you could call for me – Hold on – +Hold on – You gotta believe me – +You gotta believe me – Hold on – +Hold on – I didn't do this, I did NOT do this– +I didn't do this, I did NOT do this– Hold on. Stop. Take a deep breath. Tell me what happened. +Hold on. Stop. Take a deep breath. Tell me what happened. I don't know! I woke up, she was... God, you gotta believe me! +I believe you, brother, but this don't look good. We gotta call the police – +We gotta call the police – Hold on. I said hold on, so hold on. +Hold on. I said hold on, so hold on. Yeah. +Yeah. What do you think happened? +What do you think happened? I don't know! Maybe it was her... boyfriend. I passed out. I don't know. Won't the police be able to – +I don't know! Maybe it was her... boyfriend. I passed out. I don't know. Won't the police be able to – Stop with the police! Wake up, friend! This does not look good! They hang people for this! +Stop with the police! Wake up, friend! This does not look good! They hang people for this! But I didn't do it – don't you believe me? +But I didn't do it – don't you believe me? I believe you – I KNOW you. But why should the police? +Jesus... They can tell that... They GOTTA believe me, Charlie! They gotta have mercy! +They GOTTA believe me, Charlie! They gotta have mercy! You're in pictures, Barton. Even if you got cleared eventually, this would ruin you. +...Uh-huh... Where's Audrey? She's dead, Barton! If that was her name. +Jesus... You're leaving. Have to, old timer. Just for a while. +Jesus, Charlie, I... Everything's okay, believe me. I know it's rough mentally, but everything's taken care of. +Everything's okay, believe me. I know it's rough mentally, but everything's taken care of. Charlie! I've got no one else here! You're the only person I know in Los Angeles... +It's okay... It's okay... Charlie, I feel like I'm going crazy – like I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to do... I didn't do it, believe me. I'm sure of that, Charlie. I just... +...I just don't know what... to do– You gotta get a grip on, brother. You gotta just carry on – just for a few days, till I get back. Try and stay here, keep your door locked. Don't talk to anyone. We just gotta keep our heads and we'll figure it out. +You gotta get a grip on, brother. You gotta just carry on – just for a few days, till I get back. Try and stay here, keep your door locked. Don't talk to anyone. We just gotta keep our heads and we'll figure it out. Yeah, but Charlie – +Yeah, but Charlie – Dammit, don't argue with me. You asked me to believe you – well I do. Now don't argue with me. +Sure, Charlie. Funny, huh, when everything that's important to a guy, everything he wants to keep from a lifetime – when he can fit it into a little box like that. I guess... I guess it's kind of pathetic. +It's more than I've got. Well, keep it for me. Maybe it'll bring you good luck. Yeah, it'll help you finish your script. You'll think about me... +You'll be back? Don't worry about that, compadre. I'll be back. +...Don't look at me like that, neighbor. It's just me – Charlie. I hear it's Mundt. Madman Mundt. +But Charlie – why me? Why – Because you DON'T LISTEN! +...Where did we put him? I'm at the Earle. +I'm at the Earle. Never heard of it. Let's move him to the Grand, or the Wilshire, or hell, he can stay at my place. +Never heard of it. Let's move him to the Grand, or the Wilshire, or hell, he can stay at my place. Thanks, but I wanted a place that was less... +Thanks, but I wanted a place that was less... Less Hollywood? Sure, say it, it's not a dirty word. Sat whatever the hell you want. The writer is king here at Capitol Pictures. You don't believe me, take a look at your paycheck at the end of every week – that's what we think of the writer. ...so what kind of pictures does he like? +To be honest, I don't go to the pictures much, Mr. Lipnik – That's okay, that's okay, that's okay – that's just fine. You probably just walked in here thinking that was going to be a handicap, thinking we wanted people who knew something about the medium, maybe even thinking there was all kind of technical mumbo- jumbo to learn. You were dead wrong. We're only interested in one thing: Can you tell a story, Bart? Can you make us laugh, can you make us cry, can you make us wanna break out in joyous song? Is that more than one thing? Okay. The point is, I run this dump and I don't know the technical mumbo-jumbo. Why do I run it? I've got horse-sense, goddamnit. Showmanship. And also, and I hope Lou told you this, I bigger and meaner than any other kike in this town. Did you tell him that, Lou? And I don't mean my dick's bigger than yours, it's not a sexual thing – although, you're the writer, you would know more about that. Coffee? +That's okay, that's okay, that's okay – that's just fine. You probably just walked in here thinking that was going to be a handicap, thinking we wanted people who knew something about the medium, maybe even thinking there was all kind of technical mumbo- jumbo to learn. You were dead wrong. We're only interested in one thing: Can you tell a story, Bart? Can you make us laugh, can you make us cry, can you make us wanna break out in joyous song? Is that more than one thing? Okay. The point is, I run this dump and I don't know the technical mumbo-jumbo. Why do I run it? I've got horse-sense, goddamnit. Showmanship. And also, and I hope Lou told you this, I bigger and meaner than any other kike in this town. Did you tell him that, Lou? And I don't mean my dick's bigger than yours, it's not a sexual thing – although, you're the writer, you would know more about that. Coffee? ...Yes, thank you. +...Yes, thank you. Lou. +...Well Bart, which is it? Orphan? Dame? ...Both maybe? +Yeah... rye whiskey? Boy! You writers! Work hard, play hard! That's what I hear, anyway... +...It's a tenement building. On the Lower East Side... Great! He's poor, this wrestler! He's had to struggle! +Great! He's poor, this wrestler! He's had to struggle! And then... well... +...Can I be honest, Mr. Lipnik? CAN you? You damn well better be. Jesus, if I hadn't been honest in my business dealings – well, of course, you can't always be honest, not with the sharks swimming around this town – but if you're a writer, you don't think about those things – if I'd been totally honest, I wouldn't be within a mile of this pool – unless I was cleaning it. But that's no reason for you not to be. Honest, I mean. Not cleaning the pool. +I – Mr. Lipnik – KISS THIS MAN'S FEET!! +Mr. Lipnik, I – I apologize, Barton. +I apologize, Barton. No no, Mr. Breeze has actually been a great help – +No no, Mr. Breeze has actually been a great help – You don't have to cover for him. It's noble of you, but these things happen in business. +You don't have to cover for him. It's noble of you, but these things happen in business. Mr. Lipnik, I really would feel much better if you could reconsider – +Mr. Lipnik, I really would feel much better if you could reconsider – Ah, forget it, kid. I want you to pull this out of your head. If that sonofabitch wouldn't apologize to you, goddammit, I will. I respect your artistry and your methods, and if you can't fill us in yet, well hell, we should be kissing your feet for your fine efforts. +Fink. Mr. Lipnik. +Mr. Lipnik. Colonel Lipnik, if you don't mind. +...I was commissioned yesterday in the Army Reserve. Henry Morgenthau arranged it. He's a dear friend. Congratulations. +Congratulations. Actually it hasn't officially gone through yet. Had wardrobe whip this up. You gotta pull teeth to get anything done in this town. I can understand a little red tape in peacetime, but now it's all-out warfare against the Japs. Little yellow bastards. They'd love to see me sit this one out. +Actually it hasn't officially gone through yet. Had wardrobe whip this up. You gotta pull teeth to get anything done in this town. I can understand a little red tape in peacetime, but now it's all-out warfare against the Japs. Little yellow bastards. They'd love to see me sit this one out. Yes sir, they – +Yes sir, they – Anyway, I had Lou read your script for me. +...I gotta tell you, Fink. It won't wash. With all due respect, sir, I think it's the best work I've done. +With all due respect, sir, I think it's the best work I've done. Don't gas me, Fink. If you're opinion mattered, then I guess I'd resign and let YOU run the the studio. It doesn't and you won't, and the lunatics are not going to run THIS particular asylum. So let's put a stop to THAT rumor right now. +Yes sir. I had to call Beery this morning, let him know we were pushing the picture back. After all I'd told him about quality, about that Barton Fink feeling. How disappointed we were. Wally was heartbroken. The man was devastated. He was – well, I didn't actually call him, Lou did. But that's a fair description, isn't it Lou? +I'm sorry if I let you down. You didn't let ME down. Or even Lou. We don't live or die by what you scribble, Fink. You let Ben Geisler down. He liked you. Trusted you. And that's why he's gone. Fired. That guy had a heart as big as the outdoors, and you fucked him. He tried to convince me to fire you too, but that would be too easy. No, you're under contract and you're gonna stay that way. Anything you write will be the property of Capitol Pictures. And Capitol Pictures will not produce anything you write. Not until you grow up a little. You ain't no writer, Fink – you're a goddamn write-off. +You didn't let ME down. Or even Lou. We don't live or die by what you scribble, Fink. You let Ben Geisler down. He liked you. Trusted you. And that's why he's gone. Fired. That guy had a heart as big as the outdoors, and you fucked him. He tried to convince me to fire you too, but that would be too easy. No, you're under contract and you're gonna stay that way. Anything you write will be the property of Capitol Pictures. And Capitol Pictures will not produce anything you write. Not until you grow up a little. You ain't no writer, Fink – you're a goddamn write-off. I tried to show you something beautiful. Something about all of US – +Welcome to the Hotel Earle. May I help you, sir? I'm checking in. Barton Fink. +F-I-N-K. Fink, Barton. That must be you, huh? Must be. +Must be. Okay then, everything seems to be in order. Everything seems to be in order. +...Are you a tranz or a rez? Excuse me? +Excuse me? Transient or resident? +Transient or resident? I don't know... I mean, I'll be here, uh, indefinitely. +I don't know... I mean, I'll be here, uh, indefinitely. Rez. That'll be twenty-five fifty a week payable in advance. Checkout time is twelve sharp, only you can forget that on account you're a rez. If you need anything, anything at all, you dial zero on your personal in-room telephone and talk to me. My name is Chet. +Rez. That'll be twenty-five fifty a week payable in advance. Checkout time is twelve sharp, only you can forget that on account you're a rez. If you need anything, anything at all, you dial zero on your personal in-room telephone and talk to me. My name is Chet. Well, I'm going to be working here, mostly at night; I'm a writer. Do you have room service? +Well, I'm going to be working here, mostly at night; I'm a writer. Do you have room service? Kitchen closes at eight but I'm the night clerk. I can always ring out for sandwiches. +...Okay Huh? +Okey-dokey, go ahead. What – +What – Don't you wanna go to your room?! +...Those your only bags? The others are being sent. +L.A.P.D. Uh-huh. +Jesus! Ain't that a load off! You live in 605? Yeah. +Is this multiple choice? Nine days – Tuesday – +...Yeah, he... he lives next door to me. That's right, Fink, he lives next door to you. +What did... What did he – Funny. As in, he likes to ventilate people with a shotgun and then cut their heads off. +Charlie... Charlie's back... No kidding, bright boy – we smelt Mundt all over this. Was he the idea man? +Sex?! He's a MAN! We WRESTLED! You're a sick fuck, Fink. +Got a couple questions to ask ya. What do you do, Fink? +Big fuckin' deal. You want my partner to kiss your ass? +You want my partner to kiss your ass? Would that be good enough for ya? +Yeah, and I'm Buck Rogers. His name is Mundt. Karl Mundt. +His name is Mundt. Karl Mundt. Also known as Madman Mundt. +Also known as Madman Mundt. He's a little funny in the head. +Started in Kansas City. Couple of housewives. Couple of days ago we see the same M.O. out in Los Feliz. +Couple of days ago we see the same M.O. out in Los Feliz. Doctor. Ear, nose and throat man,. +Doctor. Ear, nose and throat man,. All of which he's now missin'. +All of which he's now missin'. Well, some of his throat was there. +Well, some of his throat was there. Physician, heal thyself. +Physician, heal thyself. Good luck with no fuckin' head. +Good luck with no fuckin' head. Anyway. +Anyway. Hollywood precinct finds another stiff yesterday. Not too far from here. This one's better looking than the doc. +Hollywood precinct finds another stiff yesterday. Not too far from here. This one's better looking than the doc. Female caucasian, thirty years old. Nice tits. No head. You ever see Mundt with anyone meets that description? +Female caucasian, thirty years old. Nice tits. No head. You ever see Mundt with anyone meets that description? But, you know, with the head still on. +Yeah, and he's Buck Rogers. No reputable company would hire a guy like that. +Ya know, Fink, ordinarily we say anything you might remember could be helpful. But I'll be frank with you: That is not helpful. Ya see how he's not writing it down? +Ya see how he's not writing it down? Fink. That's a Jewish name, isn't it? +...I thought you said you were a writer. I dunno, Duke. I kinda liked it. +Second one of your friends to end up dead. You didn't tell us you knew the dame. +Sixth floor too high for you, Fink? Give you nose bleeds? +Tell us where the heads are, maybe they'll go easy on you. Only fry you once. +He teach you to do it? You two have some sick sex thing? +Why's it so goddamn hot out here? ...Fred... +Mr. Fink hasn't given a preference, Mr. Lipnik. How's about it, Bart? +...Thanks Lou. Join us. Join us. Talking about the Wallace Beery picture. Excellent picture. +Excellent picture. We got a treatment on it yet? +We got a treatment on it yet? No, not yet Jack. We just bought the story. Saturday Evening Post. +No, not yet Jack. We just bought the story. Saturday Evening Post. Okay, the hell with the story. Wallace Beery is a wrestler. I wanna know his hopes, his dreams. Naturally, he'll have to get mixed up with a bad element. And a romantic interest. You know the drill. Romantic interest, or else a young kid. An orphan. What do you think, Lou? Wally a little too old for a romantic interest? Look at me, a writer in the room and I'm askin' Lou what the goddamn story should be! +...Maybe we should do a treatment. Ah, hell, let Bart take a crack at it. He'll get into the swing of things or I don't know writers. Let's make it a dame, Bart, keep it simple. We don't gotta tackle the world our first time out. The important thing is we all have that Barton Fink feeling, but since you're Barton Fink I'm assuming you have it in spades. Seriously Bart, I like you. We're off to a good start. Dammit, if all our writers were like you I wouldn't have to get so goddamn involved. I'd like to see something by the end of the week. +Mr. Lipnik, I – This man creates for a living! He puts food on your table and on mine! THANK him for it! Thank him, you ungrateful sonofabitch! Thank him or YOU'RE fired! +Get down on your knees, you sonofabitch! Get down on your knees and kiss this man's feet! Mr. Lipnik, please – +Yes, Colonel. "Hell, I could take you through it step by step, explain why your story stinks, but I won't insult your intelligence. Well all right, first of all: This is a wrestling picture; the audience wants to see action, drama, wrestling, and plenty of it. They don't wanna see a guy wrestling with his soul – well, all right, a little bit, for the critics – but you make it the carrot that wags the dog. Too much of it and they head for exits and I don't blame 'em. There's plenty of poetry right inside that ring, Fink. Look at ""Hell Ten Feet Square""." +"Hell, I could take you through it step by step, explain why your story stinks, but I won't insult your intelligence. Well all right, first of all: This is a wrestling picture; the audience wants to see action, drama, wrestling, and plenty of it. They don't wanna see a guy wrestling with his soul – well, all right, a little bit, for the critics – but you make it the carrot that wags the dog. Too much of it and they head for exits and I don't blame 'em. There's plenty of poetry right inside that ring, Fink. Look at ""Hell Ten Feet Square""." """Blood, Sweat, and Canvas""." +"""Blood, Sweat, and Canvas""." "Look at ""Blood, Sweat, and Canvas"". These are big movies, Fink. About big men, in tights – both physically and mentally. But especially physically. We don't put Wallace Beery in some fruity movie about suffering – I thought we were together on that." +Okay. I went after him. I lost my temper. Do you have any evidence that he showed your psychiatric file to anyone? +Do you have any evidence that he showed your psychiatric file to anyone? No. +Where were you tonight? Home. Watching TV. +Home. Watching TV. All night? +All night? Yeah. +Yeah. Were you drinking? +Yeah, I was drinking. When did you start drinking again? +When did you start drinking again? A couple days ago. +There's no smoking in this building. What are you gonna do -- charge me with smoking? +Come on -- I'm going to storm into his office in front of everybody in the afternoon and then that night I'm going to kill him? I'd have to be really dumb to do that. Going after him before gets you off the hook for killing him that's your alibi. +I want you in Dr. Gardner's office at nine o'clock. You're out of control, Curran. Who are you guys gonna sell my file to this time? +We got a call from Berkeley P.D. There was a killing. A professor. Icepick. In his bed. Multiple stab wounds. 1977. She was there, wasn't she? +Take care, you hear? Did you find out about her parents? +Did you find out about her parents? You're on leave, man. You're on psycho leave. I'm talking to a possible whacko here. +You're on leave, man. You're on psycho leave. I'm talking to a possible whacko here. You know I'm whacko, Sam, what'd you find? +The boat blew. There was a leak in the gas line. There were two previous repairs. There was a five-mil policy on both of 'em. A real heavy investigation. Zilch. Goose-egg. It was an accident. Thanks. +I can get my butt kicked for this. You're not supposed to be in here. It's not gonna take long, Sam. +Hey, that's Dr. Gardner, isn't it? Bring 1976 up. +How are you, Nick? I'm fine. Come on, Beth! You know I'm fine! How the hell long do I have to keep doing this? +I'm fine. Come on, Beth! You know I'm fine! How the hell long do I have to keep doing this? As long as Internal Affairs wants you to, I suppose. Sit down, Nick. +As long as Internal Affairs wants you to, I suppose. Sit down, Nick. It's bullshit. You know it is. +It's bullshit. You know it is. I know it is -- but sit down anyway so we can get it over with, okay? +So -- how are things? Things are fine. I told you. They're fine. +How is your -- personal life? My sex life is fine. My sex life is pretty shitty actually since I stopped seeing you -- maybe I should think about my Electrolux again. +How about the booze? It's been three months. +It's been three months. How about the coke? +How about the coke? No. +No. No? +No? No! I'm working my tail off. I'm off the sauce, I'm not even smoking anymore. +How's not smoking? It's fucked -- now will you please tell I.A. that I'm just you average healthy totally fucked-up cop and let me get out of here? +It's fucked -- now will you please tell I.A. that I'm just you average healthy totally fucked-up cop and let me get out of here? Yes. +Yes. Thank you. +You okay? Yeah. +Yeah. You don't look so okay. +What are you doing here? Baby-sitting. Rookie cop. +Baby-sitting. Rookie cop. What else is new? +What was she like? Who? +Who? Catherine Tramell. +Catherine Tramell. She said what you said she'd say. +We were in some of the same classes. Why didn't you tell me? +I need a cigarette. I thought you quit. +What are you talking about, Nick -- what's wrong with you? Who's got access to my goddamn file? +It's a confidential psychiatric record, it'd be illegal --She backs into a wall. She looks very scared. He comes very close to her -- puts an arm behind her to the wall. Don't, Beth. Don't lie to me. +It's Internal Affairs, isn't it? No, Nick, please -- +No, Nick, please -- Who? +Who? Nilsen. +I don't owe you anything; you don't owe me anything. We went to bed -- what was it? -- ten or fifteen times? It wasn't memorable enough to carry any obligations. Sometimes I really hate you. +Sometimes I really hate you. Yeah? Well why don't you find some friendly therapist and work some of that hostility out. But take my advice. Put a little more life into it than you usually do. +You did it for me. Yes. I care about you. I did it for you. +It's the least I could do... considering I got you into this mess with those reports. No. I mean it, thank you. +How do you know Catherine Tramell saw my reports? She knows stuff about me that only you know. +She knows stuff about me that only you know. She must really be something. From a clinical point of view. +She must really be something. From a clinical point of view. What was she like in school? +What was she like in school? I hardly knew her. She gave me the creeps, though. I don't know why. +Beth. I didn't mean what I said. About -- Yes you did. I'm a big girl. I can handle it. +What is your problem? I'm trying to help you. Why won't you let me help you? I don't need any help. +I don't need any help. Yes you do. Something's on with you. You're sleeping with her, aren't you? +What is this interest you've got in her? My interest is in you, not in her. She seduces people, she manipulates -- +My interest is in you, not in her. She seduces people, she manipulates -- I thought you hardly know her. +I thought you hardly know her. I know the type. I'm a psychologist. +What do you want, Nick? Tell me about Catherine. +She told you, didn't she? What did she tell me, Beth? +What did she tell me, Beth? I slept with her once in school. I was just a kid. I was experimenting. It was just that one time. She developed a... fixation... on me. She styled her hair like mine. She wore the same kind of clothes I did. It scared me. +I did dye my hair. It didn't have anything to do with her. I was a redhead for a while, too. Did you know Noah Goldstein? +Did you know Noah Goldstein? I had him in two classes. +I had him in two classes. You saw all the reports, Beth! +She's really sick you know. Don't you know what she's doing? She knows I went to Berkeley. She knows I knew Noah. She makes up that story about me. She's handing you somebody who's obsessed with he her. She didn't hand you to me. She doesn't even know who you are. She told me about Lisa Henderson. +She didn't hand you to me. She doesn't even know who you are. She told me about Lisa Henderson. She knew you'd find out who Lisa Henderson is. You're a good cop -- what did she do? Tell you casually and make it seem irrelevant? Did she tell you in bed, Nick? That's how I'd do it. +Why did you change your name? I got married. He was on staff at the clinic. I was down in Salinas. It didn't... last long. +You should do something about this lock. She's evil. She's brilliant. Be careful, Nick. +What are you doing here? Put your hands up! +Put your fucking hands up! Don't move. I got a message on my machine to meet Gus here. Where is he? +Don't! I know about your husband. You still like girls, Beth? What? +I'm De... I know who you are. +How long were you dating him? I wasn't dating him. I was fucking him. +How long were you having sex with him? About a year and a half. +About a year and a half. Were you with him last night? +Were you with him last night? Yes. +Yes. Did you leave the club with him? +Did you leave the club with him? Yes. +Yes. Did you go home with him? +Did you go home with him? No. We had a drink at the club. We left together. I came here. He went home. +No. We had a drink at the club. We left together. I came here. He went home. Was there anyone with you last night? +Was there anyone with you last night? No. I wasn't in the mood to have sex with anyone last night. +Ms. Tramell, we'd like you to come downtown and answer some questions for us. Are you arresting me? +Are you arresting me? If that's the way you want to play it. +Do you always keep old newspapers around? Only when they make interesting reading. +Do you have a cigarette? I don't smoke. +I don't smoke. Yes, you do. +Yes, you do. I quit. +I thought you were out of cigarettes. I found some in my purse; would you like one? +I told you -- I quit. It won't last. +What's your new book about? A detective. He falls for the wrong woman. +Did I miss something? I told them you wouldn't want an attorney present. +I told them you wouldn't want to hide. I have nothing to hide. +But you said you liked men to use their hands. No. I said I liked Johnny to use his hands. I don't give any rules, Nick. I go with the flow. +Writing a book about it gives you an alibi for not killing him. Yes it does, doesn't it? +You like playing games, don't you? I've got a degree in psych. It goes with the turf. Games are fun. +How did you feel when he died? I loved him. I hurt. +How did you feel when I told you Johnny Boz had died -- that day at the beach. I felt somebody had read my book and was playing a game. +I felt somebody had read my book and was playing a game. But you didn't hurt -- +But you didn't hurt -- No. +No. Because you didn't love him -- +Because you didn't love him -- That's right. +Even though you were fucking him. You still get the pleasure. Didn't you ever fuck anybody else while you were married, Nick? +Sure. Thanks. +I'm tired. It's got to be tiring to beat that machine. +If I were guilty, and if I wanted to beat that machine, it wouldn't be tiring. It wouldn't be tiring at all. Why not? +Why not? Because I'm a professional liar. I spend most of my waking hours dwelling on my lies. For my writing. +I passed. You see? We're both innocent, Nick. +How do you know all this stuff about me? You know all about me. +You know all about me. I don't know anything that isn't police business. +I don't know anything that isn't police business. You know I don't like to wear any underwear, don't you, Nick? +Am I... disturbing you? No. Come in. +Would you like a drink? I was just going to have one. No, thanks. +I'd like to ask you a few more questions. I'd like to ask you some, too. +You tell me. I don't know. But you do. +It was an accident. They got in the line of fire. Four shootings in five years. All accidents. +Four shootings in five years. All accidents. They were drug buys. I was a vice cop. +Tell me about Professor Goldstein. There's a name from the past. +There's a name from the past. You want a name from the present? How about Hazel Dobkins? +Noah was my counselor in my freshman year. That's probably where I got the idea for the icepick. For my book. Funny how the subconscious works. Hazel is my friend. She wiped out her whole family. +She wiped out her whole family. Yes. She's helped me understand homicidal impulse. +Yes. She's helped me understand homicidal impulse. Didn't you study it in school? +Didn't you study it in school? Only in theory. You know all about homicidal impulse, don't you, shooter? Not in theory -- in practice. +What happened, Nick? Did you get sucked into it? Did you like it too much? No. +I didn't. Yes, you did. They never tested you, did they? But Internal Affairs knew. +How exactly did you hear? I have attorneys. They have friends. I have friends. Money buys you a lot of attorneys and friends. +I have attorneys. They have friends. I have friends. Money buys you a lot of attorneys and friends. I don't know about that I don't have any money I don't have any attorneys Gus is my only real friend. +I don't know about that I don't have any money I don't have any attorneys Gus is my only real friend. I wasn't talking about real friends. Why doesn't Gus like me. +I wasn't talking about real friends. Why doesn't Gus like me. I like you. +I like you. Do you? +Do you? Yeah. Would you like to come up and have a drink? +You're not easy to figure. I'm just very good at figuring. Don't get too cocky. +Don't get too cocky. Why not? +Why not? You can make a mistake. +You can make a mistake. Not me. +Jack Daniel's okay? It's gonna have to be. Fine. +Fine. Ice? +Ice? Please. +What did you pay Nilsen? Isn't he the policeman that you shot, Shooter? +What if I asked you not to call me Shooter? What if I call you Nicky? +What if I call you Nicky? My wife used to call me that. +My wife used to call me that. I know, Nicky, but I like it. +Cheers. My friends call me Catherine. What did Bobby Vasquez used to call you? +What did Bobby Vasquez used to call you? Bitch mostly, but he meant it affectionately. You don't have any coke, do you? I love coke and Jack Daniel's. +Bitch mostly, but he meant it affectionately. You don't have any coke, do you? I love coke and Jack Daniel's. There's Pepsi in the fridge. +There's Pepsi in the fridge. It's not the same thing, is it? +"Say -- ""What do you want from me, Catherine?""" What do you want from me, Catherine? +Aren't you going to thank me? What's it about? +What's it about? A boy kills his parents. They have a plane. He makes it look like an accident. +Why does he do it? To see if he can get away with it. +When did you write it? You mean did I write it before my parents died? +You mean did I write it before my parents died? Yes. +Yes. No. I wrote it years afterwards. +You're not going to stop following me around now just because you're on leave -- are you? No. +No. Good. I'd miss you. You can get into trouble, though. You're not really a cop anymore. +Good. I'd miss you. You can get into trouble, though. You're not really a cop anymore. I'll risk it. +I'll risk it. Why take the risk? +Why take the risk? To see if I can get away with it. +How's your new book? I'm getting deeper and deeper into my character. +I'm leaving the house around midnight. In case you're going to follow me. I'm going down to Johnny's club. I'll meet you there. +Maybe she saw something she didn't see before. She's seen everything before. +Did you think it was so special? I told her it was the fuck of the century. +What did you think? I thought it was a pretty good beginning. +How about Roxy? Is she a fuck to the century, too? Do you want her to join us sometime? +How's your shoulder? Fine. How's your back? +Fine. How's your back? It hurts. +Are you kidding? You think this is my idea of morning-after conversation? Do you want personal insights and adolescent secrets? I don't do those. +I thought that business with the scarf was pretty nifty. I told you I had a vivid imagination. +You shouldn't play this game. I don't have a choice. +You're in over your head. I know. +I should have known. I came into the house when you were down on the beach. She looked at me so strangely. She left right after you. I shouldn't have let her watch us. She wanted to watch me all the time. She tried to kill you, didn't she? Did you like her to watch? +Did you like her to watch? Do you think I told her to kill You? +Do you think I told her to kill You? No. +No. Everybody that I care about dies. +It's OK. It's OK. Make love to me. +Do you think she killed Johnny Boz? For what... to set me up? She loved me she wouldn't frame me. +For what... to set me up? She loved me she wouldn't frame me. Maybe she got jealous of Johnny Boz, too. +Maybe she got jealous of Johnny Boz, too. No, she didn't... she never got jealous before... she got excited. I don't have luck with women. There was this girl I met while I was in college. I slept with her once. She started following me around, taking my picture. She dyed her hair, copied my clothes. Lisa something... Oberman. It was awful. +I thought you didn't do adolescent secrets. I never have before. +No. No? +No? No more games, Nick. I'm tired of playing games! +You won't believe me. Try me. +I paid him $50,000 in cash for your psychiatric file. When? +When? About three months before I met you. +About three months before I met you. Why? +I'd read about your shootings in the papers. I decided to write a book about a detective. I wanted to know my character. You paid $50,000 for your character? +You paid $50,000 for your character? I would've paid more. I wanted to know everything about you. Then you came down here after Johnny got killed... it gave me a chance to get to know my character better. +I would've paid more. I wanted to know everything about you. Then you came down here after Johnny got killed... it gave me a chance to get to know my character better. What about the other night. What about last night? Was that to get to know your character? +What about the other night. What about last night? Was that to get to know your character? Maybe I'm losing interest in my book. +Do you believe me? I don't know. +I don't know. I'll convince you. +What did he say? He asked if I had an icepick in me yet. +He asked if I had an icepick in me yet. Funny. +Can I talk to you a minute? Honey, why don't you go in the car? I'll be right there. +You like to hang out with murderers or what? Did you know Roxy -- Of course I knew. +I just thought I'd surprise you. What's the matter? I found Lisa Henderson. +I found Lisa Henderson. Did you? What's she doing? +You're not going to tell me what she's doing. I thought we weren't playing games anymore. I did, too. She told me it was backwards -- she said you even styled your hair the way she did. +You still think I kill people, don't you? No. +No. Liar. +How'd you get in here? I decided to give you one more chance. I missed you. +I decided to give you one more chance. I missed you. You didn't not see me long enough to miss me. +You didn't not see me long enough to miss me. Did you miss me? +Did you miss me? No. +No. Come over here and tell me no. +I have to do some research tomorrow. I'm very good at research. I'll help you. +I'm very good at research. I'll help you. No thanks. +No thanks. What are you researching? +What are you researching? I'm writing a book. +I'm writing a book. Really. What are you writing about. +Really. What are you writing about. A detective. He falls for the wrong girl. +A detective. He falls for the wrong girl. What happens to them? +What happens to them? They fuck like minks, raise rugrats, and live happily ever after. +They fuck like minks, raise rugrats, and live happily ever after. It won't sell. +It won't sell. Why not? +Why not? Somebody has to die. +Somebody has to die. Why? +Why? Somebody always does. +I finished my book. How did it end? +How did it end? I told you. She kills him. +What do you want, Nick? Flowers? I'll send you some flowers. What is this -- some kind of... Joke? Are we playing games again? +What is this -- some kind of... Joke? Are we playing games again? The games are over. You were right. It was the fuck of the century, Shooter. +What do we do now, Nick? We fuck like minks. We raise rugrats. We live happily ever after. +I hate rugrats. We fuck like minks. We forget the rugrats. We live happily ever after. +I'm John Corrigan. I'm an assistant district attorney, Ms. Tramell. Can we get you anything? Would you like some coffee? No thank you. +There is no smoking in this building, Ms. Tramell. What are you going to do? Charge me with smoking? +Would you tell us the nature of your relationship with Mr. Boz? I had sex with him for about a year and a half. I liked having sex with him. +Did you ever engage in sado- masochistic activity with him? Exactly what do you have in mind, Mr. Corrigan. +Exactly what do you have in mind, Mr. Corrigan. Did you ever tie him up? +Did you ever tie him up? No. +Did you kill Mr. Boz, Ms. Tramell? I'd have to be pretty stupid to write a book about a killing and then kill him the way I described in my book. I'd be announcing myself as the killer. I'm not stupid. +How did he die? He was murdered. +He was murdered. Really. Maybe that's why you're from Homicide. How? +I don't really feel like talking anymore. Listen, lady, we can do this downtown if you -- +Listen, lady, we can do this downtown if you -- Read me my rights and arrest me and I'll go downtown. +You have the right to an attorney. Why would I need an attorney? +You workin' on another book? Yes I am. +Yes I am. It must really be somehtin' --makin' stuff up all the time. +It teaches you to lie. How's that? +How's that? You make it up, but it has to be believable. They call it suspension of disbelief. +You make it up, but it has to be believable. They call it suspension of disbelief. "I like that. ""Suspension of Disbelief.""" +The answer is no. I didn't kill him. Do you use drugs, Ms. Tramell? +Do you use drugs, Ms. Tramell? Sometimes. +What kind of drugs? Cocaine. +In the beginning. Then I got to like what he did for me. That's pretty cold, ain't it, lady? +That's pretty cold, ain't it, lady? I'm a writer, I use people for what I write. You write what you know. Let the world beware. +He was walking home from work. They only lived a coupla blocks from the clinic. Somebody drove by and shot him. What was the weapon? +What was the weapon? .38 revolver. Never recovered. +.38 revolver. Never recovered. Were there ever any suspects? +Were there ever any suspects? No suspects, no motive. Unsolved. +No suspects, no motive. Unsolved. Was his wife ever a suspect? +Was his wife ever a suspect? I had another one of you guys down here from Frisco -- about a year ago -- he asked me the same question. What's this about anyway? +I had another one of you guys down here from Frisco -- about a year ago -- he asked me the same question. What's this about anyway? Routine. +Routine. Yeah, he said it was routine too. Now it's two guys saying it's routine. +Yeah, he said it was routine too. Now it's two guys saying it's routine. Do you remember his name? +Do you remember his name? Nope, can't say that I do. +Nope, can't say that I do. Nilsen? +Nilsen? That's him. +Was she ever a suspect? Nope. There was some talk; it never panned. +Nope. There was some talk; it never panned. What kind of talk? +What kind of talk? The usual -- a girlfriend. +The usual -- a girlfriend. He had a girlfriend? +He had a girlfriend? Nope. She did. Like I say. It never panned. +Nope. She did. Like I say. It never panned. Thanks. +Thanks. I hope I helped you out. +I hope I helped you out. You did. +Who was this fuckin' guy? Rock and roll, Gus. Johnny Boz. +Rock and roll, Gus. Johnny Boz. I never heard of him. +I never heard of him. Before your time, pop. Mid-sixties. Five or six hits. He's got a club down in the Fillmore now. +Before your time, pop. Mid-sixties. Five or six hits. He's got a club down in the Fillmore now. Not now he don't. +Talcott doesn't usually show up at the office 'till after his 18 holes. What are they nervous about? They're executives. They're nervous about everything. +Ain't that cute? They got his and her Pig-assos, son. I didn't know you knew who Picasso was, Gus. +I didn't know you knew who Picasso was, Gus. I'm a smart sonofabitch. I just hide it. +How'd it go, son? She misses me. +She misses me. Hallelujah. +What you doin', son? It's my first drink in three months. That okay with you, pop? She doesn't know me. I never saw her before Gus and I talked to her. +Ain't you go nothin' better to do than to come in here and jack off the damn machine? What are you doing here, Pop? +What are you doing here, Pop? I came in here to jack off the damn machine. One dead psychology professor. Noah Goldstein. Dr. Noah Goldstein. And guess what? He was her counselor. +Was she ever suspect? No, sir. They never even got a statement from her. +Do you remember a case -- 1956 -- Hazel Dobkins? Hell yes! Couldn't get it outta my head for years. Still can't. Nice little kids -- nice husband, wasn't porkin' around -- no financial problems. One day -- outta the clear blue sky -- she does 'em. All of 'em. Used a knife. He got for a wedding present. Didn't even deny it. Sweet as honey. Said she didn't know why she done it. +What's goin' down, son? Nothin' I'll be okay, pop. +No, sir. You won't. There's smoke off yonder on the horizon. They're gonna want your badge. I got tired of being played with. +I got tired of being played with. You sure got real conclusive ways of demonstrating that. +She knows where I live and breathe. She's coming after me. What is it you got between you? +What is it you got between you? I don't know. +I don't know. Somethin', though. +You think I -- I don't son, but I got the minority opinion. +I don't think it's funny. Well, hell, son, it's got a certain ring to it, I'll say that. +Forgive me for askin', son, and I don't mean to belabor the obvious, but why is it that you've got your head so far up your own ass? She want to play? Fine. I can play. +She want to play? Fine. I can play. Everybody that she plays with dies. +Everybody that she plays with dies. I know what that's like. +Easy there, partner -- I wasn't there. I went over last night, too. +I went over last night, too. I wasn't there last night, either. +You... fucked her! Goddamn dumb sonofabitch... You fucked her! Goddamn, you are one dumb sonofabitch -- I'm not gonna get AIDS, pop --don't worry about it. I always use a rubber. +I'm not gonna get AIDS, pop --don't worry about it. I always use a rubber. I don't give a... flyin'... chili- bean... fart about AIDS! +I don't give a... flyin'... chili- bean... fart about AIDS! You oughta use a rubber, pop. You really should. +You oughta use a rubber, pop. You really should. What in the hell for? You think I'm gettin' any at my age? I don't like blue-haired women. I don't like 'em. +What in the hell for? You think I'm gettin' any at my age? I don't like blue-haired women. I don't like 'em. You don't like punk rockers? +You don't like punk rockers? Say what? +You feeling better? I feel fine! +I'm not afraid of her. Why the hell not? +Why the hell not? I don't know. I'm just not. +I don't know. I'm just not. That's her pussy talkin' --He gets a real nasty look from a very fat woman eating a cheeseburger. He winks at her. The woman looks away from him, shaking her head. +It doesn't make sense. She didn't know me three months ago. Maybe it wasn't her that paid him. Maybe the money was for somethin' else. How the fuck do I know? I'm just an old city cowboy tryin' not to fall outta his saddle. +You all right, pop? You want me to drive you? In that little pissant car of yours? Hell, no. I ain't gettin' no back pain disability retirement -- I'm gettin' me a full pension and a real gold-plate Seiko watch. +In that little pissant car of yours? Hell, no. I ain't gettin' no back pain disability retirement -- I'm gettin' me a full pension and a real gold-plate Seiko watch. Come on, I'll drive you in this thing. +Come on, I'll drive you in this thing. You think I'd let you drive my Cadillac car? I ain't lettin' no hear-up-his-ass person drive my Cadillac car. +Catherine says you don't like her. She's right. You got an icepick in you yet? +You know that stuff they say about how you can judge people by their friends? I don't believe it. +I don't believe it. Why not? +Why not? You're my friend, Gus. +I don't understand what the hell's going on here, pop. Ain't that hard, son. This young farmgirl, she got tired of all that attention goin' to her little brothers -- she fixed 'em. Just like 'ole Hazel Dobkins fixed her whole family -- except young Roxy here, she didn't use a wedding present. She used Daddy's razor. +I'm not sure anymore she did it. Which one you talkin' about now, son? We know ole Hazel did it; we know young Roxy did it -- and the other one Well, hell, she's got that magna come lawdy pussy on her that done fried up your brain. +So Nilsen had a report on her -- so what. You don't know what the hell was in it? Catherine told me what was in it. +Catherine told me what was in it. If she's telling you the truth. +If she's telling you the truth. Don't you get it, Gus? If Beth killed Johnny Boz to frame Catherine -- she wouldn't want anyone to know what happened at Berkeley. It gives her the motive to kill Nilsen. +Don't you get it, Gus? If Beth killed Johnny Boz to frame Catherine -- she wouldn't want anyone to know what happened at Berkeley. It gives her the motive to kill Nilsen. How did she know Nilsen knew about it -- if it happened? +How did she know Nilsen knew about it -- if it happened? He was I.A. He probably asked her about it. +She'd have to be nuttier than a twenty-pound Christmas fruitcake. She's not the one who hangs out with multiple murderers -- your girlfriend is. She's a writer -- it's part of what she does. +She's a writer -- it's part of what she does. Goddamn writers -- all they do is use up trees and ruin people's eyes. There's gotta be somebody at Berkeley who knows what the hell happened. +Goddamn writers -- all they do is use up trees and ruin people's eyes. There's gotta be somebody at Berkeley who knows what the hell happened. I know what happened. Catherine told me what happened. +I know what happened. Catherine told me what happened. You got goddamn tweety-birds flutterin' around your head, that's what you got. You think you're gonna fuck like minks, raise rugrats, and live happily ever after? Oh, man. +Where the hell you goin'? I'm going with you. +I'm going with you. She said alone -- suite 405. It ain't gonna take long. +Maybe the maid did it. She's 54 years old and weighs 240 pounds. +Not unless she got up in the ring and turned into one mean sonofabitch. Maybe she did, Gus. Maybe she grew herself an Afro and learned a left hook and put shoe polish on her face. Let's polygraph her again and ask her about it. +Maybe it's for old-time's sake. Sometimes I think he started banging her just to get himself off the hook with Internal Affairs. +Sometimes I think he started banging her just to get himself off the hook with Internal Affairs. He ain't that way. He's got heart. +He ain't that way. He's got heart. Yeah. I know. +You look like dogshit. He looks a little shrunk, that's all. +You're already gettin' psychological input, son. Go stick your head in a tub of ice water. See where she leads. +Homicide. What do you want? +What do you want? When was the last time you saw John Boz? +When was the last time you saw John Boz? Is he dead? +Were you with him last night? You're looking for Catherine, not me. +What was the motive? She said she didn't know herself, just sort of did it on impulse. The razor just happened to be there. +He left the club with his girlfriend about midnight. That's the last time anybody saw him. What was it? +Keep your three o'clock. Do you want me to work the case, Phil, or do you want me to -- +Do you want me to work the case, Phil, or do you want me to -- I said keep it. +Are you kidding me? Formerly engaged to Roberto Vasquez, deceased -- +I love it. She's got a hundred million bucks. She fucks fighters and rock and roll stars. And she's got a degree in screwing with peoples' heads. You forgot her degree in literature. She's a writer. She published a novel last year under a pen name. Do you want to know what it's about? +So what do we do -- nothing? We bring her in for questioning. +"What is all this ""Nick"" stuff -- Nick would you like a cigarette. Nick can you give me a ride." She didn't ask me for the ride. She asked anybody. +She didn't ask me for the ride. She asked anybody. And you volunteered. +You sure? I'm sure. +Now what? What now what? Now nothing. She passed the polygraph. That's it. +What now what? Now nothing. She passed the polygraph. That's it. She knew she could beat it. That's why she asked to take it. +She knew she could beat it. That's why she asked to take it. How the fuck do you know? What is it with you and this broad anyway? +How the fuck do you know? What is it with you and this broad anyway? Come on, Phil. You're not gonna let this slide. What about her parents? What about what else she's published? At least we should get the stuff to see if we find anything else that's an amazing real-life coincidence. +Come on, Phil. You're not gonna let this slide. What about her parents? What about what else she's published? At least we should get the stuff to see if we find anything else that's an amazing real-life coincidence. Her parents died in an accident. I don't care what else she's written. What are you -- a book critic? +Her parents died in an accident. I don't care what else she's written. What are you -- a book critic? How did they die? Was there an investigation? +How did they die? Was there an investigation? How you're saying she killed her parents? Did she kill Bobby Vasquez, too? +Fuck you, Phil. Fuck you, too Nick. +Gus -- go over to Berkeley. Harrigan -- find out what else she's published. Andrews -- get the files on her parents' accident. Carbon Beth on everything. I want some psychological input on this Andrews and Harrigan go; Nick is left there with Gus. What about me? +I'll ask you once, Nick -- for the record did you kill him? No. +I.A.'s going to talk to you more about Nilsen. They're handling the investigation, we're not. Stay in touch with Dr. Gardner, it'll help on the evaluation. She killed him. +She killed him. Beth? Now you've got Beth killing people? +Beth? Now you've got Beth killing people? Catherine Tramell. It's part of her game. +Catherine Tramell. It's part of her game. First you've got her buying your file. Now you've got her killing Nilsen. Forget her, willya? Go someplace. Sit in the sun. Get away from this goddamn fog. Get her out of your system. +First you've got her buying your file. Now you've got her killing Nilsen. Forget her, willya? Go someplace. Sit in the sun. Get away from this goddamn fog. Get her out of your system. You don't but it, do you? She knew nobody would but it. She knew I'd say she did it. And she knew nobody would buy it. +Tell me again. I want to hear you say it again. It was an accident. +It was an accident. You're driving around North Beach for no particular reason and this car won't get out of the way -- +You're driving around North Beach for no particular reason and this car won't get out of the way -- I don't think she meant to go off the hill, do you? +I don't think she meant to go off the hill, do you? Don't fuck with me, Nick. I don't need a reason to put your ass in a sling. +You knew her, didn't you? Gus and I talked to her at Tramell's house. All we did was write her name down. +Gus and I talked to her at Tramell's house. All we did was write her name down. I told you to stay away from Tramell. +I told you to stay away from Tramell. Yeah. But you didn't tell me to stay away from her car. +She's a suspect. On what basis? +On what basis? Catherine Tramell. Age 30. No priors, no convictions. Double major, magnum cum laude, Berkeley, 1980. Literature and Psychology. Daughter, sole survivor -- Marvin and Elaine Tramell, killed in a boating accident, 1978, Catherine Tramell sole heir. Estimated assets $110 million. +She's got enough money to burn this whole department down. She was the last person seen with the guy -- I'll take the responsibility. +She was the last person seen with the guy -- I'll take the responsibility. It's yours. +We know you're not stupid, Ms. Tramell. Maybe that's what you're counting on to get you off the hook. +We're sorry to disturb you, we'd like to ask you some -- Are you vice? +Why do you think he's dead? You wouldn't be here otherwise, would you? +Who are you? I'm Roxy. I'm her -- friend. +How old was she when this happened? Fourteen. We seal juvenile records until they're deceased. That's why you didn't find it in your computer. +Anderson. Jack W. Donald M. I'm sorry. No Lisa. Did you check all four years? +Did you check all four years? Yes I did. +Yes I did. Can you check again? +No Lisa Anderson, detective. Can there be some mistake? +Can there be some mistake? Only if you're making it. +He died -- about five or six years ago. He was shot. +My name is Jean Michel Basquiat. Have you heard of me? No. Should I have? +No. Should I have? I'm a painter, too. +I'm a painter, too. Really. Huh. Too bad. +Hey – it's the big A.M.. Rene's been telling me about your work. +Is this finished yet? I don't know. +I don't know. When's your show? +When's your show? Not sure. How was yours? +Not sure. How was yours? I haven't decided yet. Rene, you wanna come over to the studio tomorrow. I wanna make a painting of you. +What do you think? I like the one with the dragon's heads a lot. But the black one's filled up with too many heads... I'd take some of them out. I think you're painting too fast. I wouldn't put in so many heads. Let it breathe a bit. +I like the one with the dragon's heads a lot. But the black one's filled up with too many heads... I'd take some of them out. I think you're painting too fast. I wouldn't put in so many heads. Let it breathe a bit. It's always how you would do it. This is my version. +It's always how you would do it. This is my version. You're right. It's your version. You should come over to the studio sometime. +You're right. It's your version. You should come over to the studio sometime. Why, so you could humiliate me? +Why, so you could humiliate me? No, I wanted to make a painting of you. +Naa.. Let's get out of here. +Let's get out of here. See ya in an hour. So what do you think? +This is painted on a backdrop from the Kabuki theater in Japan. I painted it after Joseph Beuys died. A rebirth painting. I felt like he could've painted it, or maybe someone else was painting it instead of me. The Chinese calligraphers used to change their name mid-career so they could start over as someone else.. Do you ever get sick of it? +Do you ever get sick of it? Of what? +Of what? The whole thing – painting. +The whole thing – painting. No. It's one of the few times I feel good. I used to have to go to work and cook every day. That I got sick of. +No. It's one of the few times I feel good. I used to have to go to work and cook every day. That I got sick of. What about the shit they write? +What about the shit they write? You're asking me this because of the 'lapdog' remark. I read that. The person that wrote that has the compassion of a housefly. That's your enemy, not your audience. Your audience hasn't even been born yet. It's a lie that art is popular. The only thing popular about it is that it's written about in newspapers. I'm surprised when anybody comes to my openings. There're about ten people on the planet who know anything about painting, and Andy's one of them. +You're asking me this because of the 'lapdog' remark. I read that. The person that wrote that has the compassion of a housefly. That's your enemy, not your audience. Your audience hasn't even been born yet. It's a lie that art is popular. The only thing popular about it is that it's written about in newspapers. I'm surprised when anybody comes to my openings. There're about ten people on the planet who know anything about painting, and Andy's one of them. I haven't felt like talking to him since that thing came out. +I haven't felt like talking to him since that thing came out. As long as I've known Andy, he's never asked me for anything except to speak to you about getting off drugs. He's painted my picture, we've eaten dinner in God knows how many places together. But he doesn't care about me. He cares about you. You're the only person he cares about. He's your friend. Fuck that article. You want a toasted bagel with cream cheese? +Nixon lives in Saddle River, New York. Saddle River's in New Jersey. +Saddle River's in New Jersey. Saddle River, New York! +Saddle River, New York! It's in New Jersey. +It's in New Jersey. New York. +New York. I think it's in New Jersey. +I think it's in New Jersey. It's in New York. +It's in New York. Oh, I didn't know that. +You wanna buy some ignorant art? Ten bucks. Ignorant art? +Ignorant art? Yeah... Like – stupid, ridiculous, crummy art. +Yeah... Like – stupid, ridiculous, crummy art. Ohhh. That's new. That sounds good. +Ohhh. That's new. That sounds good. Ten bucks apiece. +Ten bucks apiece. I can give you five. You didn't do very much to these. +I can give you five. You didn't do very much to these. You don't even work on your stuff! +Andy, man, thanks for coming. I'd like to paint your jacket. My jacket? Gee, great... Your show looks great. Quite a turnout. You look great. You kids. You drink red wine with fish. You can do anything! Make paintings in the basement of your gallery? First time I've heard of that! +Jean Michel, this is Mary Boone. She's got the great new gallery. Yeah, I met her already. +I wish they'd quit writing this shit about me. That's good. At least they're interested. +That's good. At least they're interested. "Everybody's paying top dollar for scraps of paper, refrigerator doors – anything with a SAMO tag on it. The other day, I just wanted a pack of cigarettes, so I did a drawing and sold it for two bucks. A week later this gallery calls me up: ""Somebody's offering us the drawing. Should we buy it for five thousand?""" +"Everybody's paying top dollar for scraps of paper, refrigerator doors – anything with a SAMO tag on it. The other day, I just wanted a pack of cigarettes, so I did a drawing and sold it for two bucks. A week later this gallery calls me up: ""Somebody's offering us the drawing. Should we buy it for five thousand?""" Wow... Stop giving them away. I got an invitation to model for Comme de Garcons... You wanna do it with me? +Wow... Stop giving them away. I got an invitation to model for Comme de Garcons... You wanna do it with me? Yeah – I'd do that... You could teach me. +Yeah – I'd do that... You could teach me. Gee. I don't need to. You're a natural. You should sign up with my modeling agent. +Cool. My dog, Archie... I woke up with flea bites... Creepy. I ran out and bought flea collars. They work really well. +Let's leave this town and go someplace. Some island. Let's go to the Carnegie Museum. They have the world's most famous sculptures all in these giant plaster replicas. It's really great. It's in Pittsburg. +Ouch.. What's wrong? +What's wrong? That girl looks just like my old girlfriend Gina. +That girl looks just like my old girlfriend Gina. Do you still love her? +Do you still love her? Yeah. I really blew it. I still think about her. +Yeah. I really blew it. I still think about her. Well, have you asked her to come back? +What's with the wigs? I'm going to send them to my friends for Christmas presents. +I'm going to send them to my friends for Christmas presents. You think those are good presents? Who wants an old wig? +Piss painting? I wanted to make a few more of these. Frank's been drinking this Mexican beer. It makes a good green. +I wanted to make a few more of these. Frank's been drinking this Mexican beer. It makes a good green. How come you're not peeing on them yourself? +How come you're not peeing on them yourself? I don't like beer. +That was my favorite part! We can do better. It needed more white. +"I don't even have any friends anymore besides you. And everyone says ""Warhol? That death-warmed over person on drugs? He's just using you.""" Gee. You shouldn't take it so seriously, Jean. That's why you can't stop taking drugs. You always think people don't like you. Everyone likes you. +Gee. You shouldn't take it so seriously, Jean. That's why you can't stop taking drugs. You always think people don't like you. Everyone likes you. People are only interested in you because you're famous, not because they know a fuckin' thing about your work. +Bruno called. In Europe, people are saying you're gonna die from drugs. They think they can cash in on your death. When I was poor, everybody doubted I could make it. When I got rich, everyone said, `yeah, but he'll never keep it up.' Now everyone says `he's killing himself.' So I clean up, and then they say `Look. His art's dead.' I don't take drugs, anyway. I'm healthy now. +After the show we should take a nice long vacation. Maybe go to Hawaii. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to give up painting and start playing music again. I wanna sing. That would be a pity because you're a real painter. +Who is it? Annina Nosei. +Annina Nosei. Who? +Is Jean Michel here? No. +These are great. Aren't they? +Aren't they? How much for these five? +How much for these five? You should talk to him about this. +I'm interested in showing Jean's work. I really think you should talk to him about this. +No. You haven't been by lately. +I'd love to see some more of your work... Where's your studio? You name it, I paint there. +You name it, I paint there. Well, I don't want to get mugged on a Bowery street corner. Maybe I could find a place for you to work. Take my card. +Well, I don't want to get mugged on a Bowery street corner. Maybe I could find a place for you to work. Take my card. You want a drink? +When? How about right now? +Tom and Cynthia Kruger. I know. +Jean, your parents are here. Hi Dad. Hi Nora. +It's great that people are interested, but if anyone's going to buy anything, I'll handle it for you. Everything goes through the gallery, even if they come to your studio. Sure. +Chill, man! Be cool! This isn't even my apartment! Oh man, you a FINE nigga! You know that? +Oh man, you a FINE nigga! You know that? Cut it out, man! And don't be callin' me that shit! +Who did this? Who did this? I don't know. I told you, this isn't my apartment. +Naaaa. Poor thing has a little dick. How do you know? +How do you know? Just look at him. Little silver thingies on his cowboy boots? Honey, I don't think so. +MOTHAFUCKAH! That's the same guy who did this painting. +That's the same guy who did this painting. I know that. Don't let him get away. +It doesn't matter how much you worked on them. It matters how much you can get for them. I can get ten. +You shouldn't have put it in the show. This is the one I absolutely have to have. I really love it. Sure, ok.. +Do you think I could borrow your limousine? I'll get it back to you in an hour. It's OK. Just have him bring you to dinner at Mr. Chow's later. We'll be there. +B.B. It's me – Jean! What's the matter? No snow in Switzerland this year? I didn't see you. +I didn't see you. What do you mean? +What do you mean? You haven't heard? Andy's dead. +I hear your show was sold out already. There's a very important collector who's interested in some of your works. Bring him over sometime. I have some other stuff to show him. +Jean Michel... Crawling from the wreckage? I need a dealer. +I need a dealer. You have a bunch of them, don't you? Albert Milo walks in from another room. +Bruno spoke to me already. We could talk about it. I'm here. +I'm here. OK. I'll be at your studio Thursday three o'clock. +What is it that gets you out of bed in the morning? I hate this. Turn that off. +... Can you... decipher this for us? Decipher? +Decipher? Yes. What do they... stand for? +Yes. What do they... stand for? They're just words. +They're just words. Yes, I understand – but where do you take them from? +Yes, I understand – but where do you take them from? Where? Do you ask Miles where he got that note from? Where do you take your words from? Everywhere. +Where? Do you ask Miles where he got that note from? Where do you take your words from? Everywhere. What are they? +What are they? Leeches. A long list of leeches. It looks good like that. +Leeches. A long list of leeches. It looks good like that. Hmmm. And 'Parasites.' You seem to be a Primal Expressionist. +Hmmm. And 'Parasites.' You seem to be a Primal Expressionist. You mean like an ape? +A primate? Well, you said that. You've got a lot of references from Leonardo da Vinci, don't you? +Well, you said that. You've got a lot of references from Leonardo da Vinci, don't you? "Oh, that's a ""Leonardo's Greatest Hits"" painting. You like it?" +"Oh, that's a ""Leonardo's Greatest Hits"" painting. You like it?" Yes, but as a black painter – +Yes, but as a black painter – I use a lot of colors – not only black. +I use a lot of colors – not only black. What? +What? I'm not black. +I'm not black. You're not? +You're not? Not what? +Not what? Not black. +Not black. No, I'm Haitian-Puerto Rican. +Yes, yes... Let's talk about that.... your roots... Your father is from Haiti, isn't he? Yup. +Yup. Hmmmm. Interesting. And when you grew up were there any primitives hanging in your home? +Hmmmm. Interesting. And when you grew up were there any primitives hanging in your home? We don't hang them at home, y'know – just in the streets.. +We don't hang them at home, y'know – just in the streets.. "I see.. And... How do you respond to being called – hmmm... – yes, ""the pickaninny of the art world.""" +"I see.. And... How do you respond to being called – hmmm... – yes, ""the pickaninny of the art world.""" Who said that? +Who said that? Why, that's from Time Magazine. +Why, that's from Time Magazine. No, he said I was the Eddie Murphy of the art world. He said the Eddie Murphy. +No, he said I was the Eddie Murphy of the art world. He said the Eddie Murphy. Is it true that your mother resides in a mental institution? +Or rather, do you think you're being exploited or are you yourself exploiting the white image of the black artist from the ghetto? Are those the only two possibilities? You wanna French fry? +Are those the only two possibilities? You wanna French fry? OK. One last thing. Is there any anger in you? Any anger in your work? +OK. One last thing. Is there any anger in you? Any anger in your work? Should there be? +Should there be? Tell me about it. What are you angry about? +Would you like to see the wine list? Chateau Latour '64, please. +I'm sorry, Mr. Basquiat. See that table over there? I'd like to pay their bill. +Yeah, just put their bill on my tab. Really? +Really? Yeah. +Yeah. Very well. +Paint it out. Out? +Out? Yeah... Maybe just his arms. Put some Cerulean Blue there. +It's Andy again. Still not here. +Still not here. – In this corner? +– In this corner? Yeah.. +You want me to put it here? Use your fucking instinct. +It's Maria Portos. What should we do? Why don't you try letting her in, Steve – I mean Shenge. +Why don't you try letting her in, Steve – I mean Shenge. Get up. She won't buy anything if she sees me working on it! +Get up. She won't buy anything if she sees me working on it! Wanna bet? If you show too much respect for people with money, they don't have respect for you. +Blue? Where? What's wrong with you today? +Hey – Willie Mays. Willie Mays. +Who's that? The Devil, man. Rene Ricard. Art critic – writes for Artforum. People read him. Tell him who you are.. +The Devil, man. Rene Ricard. Art critic – writes for Artforum. People read him. Tell him who you are.. Who am I? +Who am I? SAMO. +SAMO. Oh yeah.. +"""She loves me. Oh yeah she loves me! She loooooooves me, Oh yeah she loves me!"" Bring me some chicken, baby!" Would you shut the fuck up? You hear what I'm doing? +Would you shut the fuck up? You hear what I'm doing? "Yeah man. I'm jealous. You're always great, Benny. ""Her name is G-I-N-A Gina And she lo-oooves me."" I did say chicken!" +I knew I left these somewhere. One of these'll send your kids to college someday. Here – I made this for you. Thanks. Your dad called again – something about a job. +You got a date already? We're getting married. She said she could tell I was a great artist – she could see it in my eyes. She said she wanted to be by my side and have inter-racial babies with me. +Come on, Jean. Get rid of your cigarette. Concentrate. I am... On Gina. Fuck – I didn't think we were actually gonna do this. +I am... On Gina. Fuck – I didn't think we were actually gonna do this. Concentrate on the ball. Shoot. +You're shattering all my myths. About what? +About what? Your people. +Your people. Oh – you mean black people! +Whatever. Famous. To where you can do your stuff all day without thinking about anything else. Ummm... Four years. Six to get rich. +Famous people are usually pretty stupid. You're too smart. You'd get bored to death. You don't wanna be like John Henry – fighting the machine. Just do what you do. It's about integrity. Follow your heart. Who's John Henry? +Who's John Henry? "Oh man! Folklore guy – worked on the railroad. Y'know, pounding in spikes and laying down track. Then one day they invented a machine to do it. And he says ""Fuck that, I'm a MAN"" and he challenges the machine to a race to lay down a mile of track. It takes two days. Neck and neck the whole time. They get right to the end, and he beats it by one spike. Got a cigarette?" +"Oh man! Folklore guy – worked on the railroad. Y'know, pounding in spikes and laying down track. Then one day they invented a machine to do it. And he says ""Fuck that, I'm a MAN"" and he challenges the machine to a race to lay down a mile of track. It takes two days. Neck and neck the whole time. They get right to the end, and he beats it by one spike. Got a cigarette?" So then what? +So then what? He drops dead! See? Just do your shit like you do it! Your friends like you, you get laid, everyone walks by, sees your stuff everywhere. It's good. What else do you want? +What're you doing? You're doing something. He's the best painter in the world. I'm gonna give him one of these. +He's the best painter in the world. I'm gonna give him one of these. Don't give him anything, man. Your art's worth a lot. Trade. That's what real artists do with each other. Besides, he'll just use you. He's famous for that. +Check you later, man. Hi Gina. +Willie Mays!!! Willie Mays!!! Come on in! +We got beat. For real? +You gonna carry that around all night? Yeah... I'll paint on it. +What's the rush, John Henry? I ain't John Henry. +I ain't John Henry. Good. +Good. What's your fuckin' problem, anyway? +I don't really have any problems. Good. What do you have? +Good. What do you have? What's your fuckin' problem? You get a girlfriend and a little attention and then start acting all uppity with me. +What's your fuckin' problem? You get a girlfriend and a little attention and then start acting all uppity with me. 'Uppity?' Like as in 'uppity nigger?' +That's not how I meant it. For all you know, you might just be a flash in the pan! You can never tell. Hey fuck you! I deserve this shit. You're just jealous 'cause it ain't happening to you! +She's good. I guess it was a long time ago. +I guess it was a long time ago. Come on, let's get out of here. +Sit down! You're gonna fall out! Me fall? Let's get some drugs! +Me fall? Let's get some drugs! Drugs??! +Drugs??! Medicine, man! Like health food. I'm taking care of my health! +No, don't tell me – you just got fired by your crazy boss. I guess you did. +I guess you did. Guess I just got sick of him. +Guess I just got sick of him. Can I walk you home? +Can I walk you home? I think I could do that alone. +Have you been camping? You could use a scrub. I'm clean. Smell me. I always smell good. I don't know why, I just do! +You do! You definitely do. Just come to the Mudd Club on Friday. +Just come to the Mudd Club on Friday. I don't go there. Too many party girls. +I don't go there. Too many party girls. Party girls? Can I call you? +Party girls? Can I call you? Yeah, if you have any dimes left. 477- 0496. +I thought you hated this place? I do. I just said that. I was never here before. I actually like it. +Wanna go get some breakfast? A friend of mine offered me a job doing a little work installing a show in a gallery. He's an electrician. I was supposed to be there an hour ago. +Basquiat, those are my best clothes!!! What are you doing? C'mon, baby, I painted them for you. They're beautiful now. +C'mon, baby, I painted them for you. They're beautiful now. I'm going to my parents this weekend. What am I going to wear? How could you do that to me? +... I'll buy you some new ones. You don't have any fucking money.. +Do you know what he's saying? What who's saying? +What who's saying? Manzanita.... ... if one day I die, and you read this piece of paper, I want you to know how much I love you. Although I'll never see you again, Gypsy, Gypsy, your hair, your hair, your face, your face' +... What's the matter? Oh, God, Basquiat, you scared the shit out of me. How the fuck could you do that to yourself? +Oh, God, Basquiat, you scared the shit out of me. How the fuck could you do that to yourself? You're back. +You're back. It's Monday morning. +It's Monday morning. It's not Sunday? I missed you. You shouldn't leave me alone. +It's not Sunday? I missed you. You shouldn't leave me alone. You're blaming me? I had to go see my family. +You're blaming me? I had to go see my family. I'm your family. +I'm your family. Basquiat, what did you take? +Basquiat, don't lie. This is smack. You want some? +You look fucking beautiful, beautiful. Well thanks! +Which island of Hawaii do you want our house to be on? Maui? Kaui? Molokai? I hadn't thought about it. +I hadn't thought about it. Oahu, Lanai, Niihau, Kahoolawee – +Oahu, Lanai, Niihau, Kahoolawee – Staten Island would be ok. +It looks done. Think so? +... babies. You mean babies with you? +You mean babies with you? What's wrong with me? +What's wrong with me? You're your own baby. +Hi. Hi. +Hi. What's that? +What's that? A present I picked up for you. +So are you really friends with Andy? He seems like such a weirdo. He's not. He's out of town and he calls me every day. What's weird about him? +He's not. He's out of town and he calls me every day. What's weird about him? Don't you think he's using you? +Don't you think he's using you? Why does everybody say that? He's the only person I know who doesn't need to use me. +So. Are you ready? I start Columbia next fall. Of course, there's like, a year of pre-med stuff, but – whatever. I'm really excited. And: Rene gave me a job as his secretary. His poems are getting published. How is he? +How is he? Pretty much the same. +Wow. Congratulations. I hate that asshole. Thanks for coming. I guess I just wanted to find out how you're – What's that about? +What's that about? Forget it. +That is amazing. What year is it? George? +Baby, I think about you a lot. I'm really sorry about everything. You have to believe me. I'm serious. I wish, y'know, that we were – I don't believe it, Jean – they're picking straws. +You don't have to be sorry. There's no one to blame. Jean, you're a real artist. I thought I was one. You made me realize I wasn't. What's his name? +I'll take three big Macs, two chocolate shakes, two orders of fries, and an apple pie. You want three Big Macs, two chocolate shakes, two orders of fries, and an apple pie. +Forget it .I'll take six, no, seven chocolate shakes, an order of fries, a Big Mac, and two apple pies. You only want one Big Mac? +Is that the best quality you have? Yeah, it's the best one. +Yeah, it's the best one. I'll take the whole tin. +I'll take the whole tin. It's three thousand dollars! +It's three thousand dollars! I'll take it. Andy, gimme three thousand dollars. Just the caviar – I'll get the rest. +I really... admire you. Me? Why? +Me? Why? You did it! You made it. I'm a painter, too. +You did it! You made it. I'm a painter, too. That's great. +That's great. Would you check out my studio some time? +Would you check out my studio some time? Sure. I'd be glad to. +What's your name, man? They call me Steve, but I prefer Shenge. +They call me Steve, but I prefer Shenge. Nice to meet you, Shenge. Want a job? +Hi. Hi. +Hi. I've seen you before. I like your paintings a lot. Your hair was different. +I've seen you before. I like your paintings a lot. Your hair was different. You like your dad's paintings? +You like your dad's paintings? Some of them. +Some of them. Stand still. +See you later. Thanks +How can I ever thank you? I'd like to squeeze your titties. +Come on. Wanna Mac? +Wanna Mac? No, I'd like the scarf. +No, I'd like the scarf. Have a Mac. +Have a Mac. I don't eat junk food. +I don't eat junk food. Oh. I didn't know. I'll take you to the best restaurant in town. You'll miss a great meal and I'll keep the scarf, anyway. What's your name? +Oh. I didn't know. I'll take you to the best restaurant in town. You'll miss a great meal and I'll keep the scarf, anyway. What's your name? You're a fast mover. +You're a fast mover. No name? That's ok. I'll just call you Big Pink. +That's a beautiful name. French? Haitian. I'm going to kill myself. I'm taking pills. Reds, blues, greens. +What? Wait a minute... talk to me. Life doesn't... make... sense. This city's k-killing me. I want my liquid hijack Marlboros! +Life doesn't... make... sense. This city's k-killing me. I want my liquid hijack Marlboros! What? Life's beautiful. Depression isn't permanent. Don't you believe that? What is it – did your girlfriend leave you? +What? Life's beautiful. Depression isn't permanent. Don't you believe that? What is it – did your girlfriend leave you? No! I have a boyfriend. He loves me. +You see? You have someone to live for. No, I don't. I'm alone. We all are. Especially here. The world's unjust. The respect fools get. The disrespect I get. +No, I don't. I'm alone. We all are. Especially here. The world's unjust. The respect fools get. The disrespect I get. "What is it you want? Respect? I have respect for you, just for making this call. One philosopher said ""Sadness is a sin against the richness of the world."" Think about it. Feel it." +"What is it you want? Respect? I have respect for you, just for making this call. One philosopher said ""Sadness is a sin against the richness of the world."" Think about it. Feel it." You don't even know me. I want real respect. +What? What do you want? Fame. My liquid hijack Marlboros and the moon and the cow that jumped over it. +"You heard of Albert Milo. I made that niggah. I'm Rene Ricard. Didn't you read ""Not About Albert Milo?"" I know who to hype. Baby, I'm gonna make you a star." Can you put me in the ring with him? +Can you put me in the ring with him? I can put you in the ring with him. Even book the dates. But those big boys know how to fight. They could make you look real sissy. I was looking at that painting upstairs. It's the first time a picture made me embarrassed to own anything. So what's your real name? 'Samo?' +I can put you in the ring with him. Even book the dates. But those big boys know how to fight. They could make you look real sissy. I was looking at that painting upstairs. It's the first time a picture made me embarrassed to own anything. So what's your real name? 'Samo?' Jean Michel Basquiat. +Uh huhh... Band practice? It's Benny. He wants to know why you're not at band practice...? Fuck... I forgot about that. +Fuck band practice... If you're gonna be a painter you're gonna have to break a few hearts – you don't wanna be like Tony Bennett.. Tony Bennett... What do you mean? +Tony Bennett... What do you mean? Singing on stage and painting in your spare time. +Singing on stage and painting in your spare time. I didn't know Tony Bennett painted. +I didn't know Tony Bennett painted. My point exactly. +So keep painting. Yes, Boss. If you're so smart, why are you here with me in this basement? +Yes, Boss. If you're so smart, why are you here with me in this basement? You're news. I want the scoop. I write it down. When I speak, no one believes me. But when I write it down, people know it's true. There's never been a black painter in art history that's been considered really important, you know? +You're news. I want the scoop. I write it down. When I speak, no one believes me. But when I write it down, people know it's true. There's never been a black painter in art history that's been considered really important, you know? So what? +So what? So shut up and keep painting.. +So shut up and keep painting.. What time is it? +What time is it? 5:11. +That one's for you. Thanks... I'll take it tonight. +Thanks... I'll take it tonight. I can't. After the show. +You fucking little whore! You sold my painting! I'm gonna tell you something, brother – when you're climbing up the ladder of success, don't kick out the rungs! Believe that shit. I'll make you another one. +I'll make you another one. Forget it. +Hey, Rene. Thanks again for not inviting me. I'm only here on business. +Jean, could you get me a Phillips screwdriver? A what? +A what? A Phillips head. From the toolbox. +A Phillips head. From the toolbox. Yeah. +'Phillips head,' right? Yeah. +You don't have any!!! That's impossible. I've got, like, five of 'em! +Jean? Hold this, please. You'll get there. But it's good to have something to fall back on. That's why I became an electrician. It pays the rent. Y'know, I'm an artist, too. I didn't know. +I didn't know. I sculpt. I'm really just starting to find myself. How old are you? Twenty? You're just like I used to be. I'm forty-one. And I'm glad I haven't gotten any recognition. It gave me time to develop. +OK! Goodbye! Pipe down, Lech. Let him order. +Pipe down, Lech. Let him order. You nuts? Let him order? You on his side? You're not such a good waitress. You get out, too. +You nuts? Let him order? You on his side? You're not such a good waitress. You get out, too. I just don't think you're being fair. +I just don't think you're being fair. I need this? +I need this? I need this? +YO! Jean, this is Ramellzee. Yo... You know why Rammellzee's here, don't you? +Yo... You know why Rammellzee's here, don't you? Uh-oh! +Uh-oh! I'm here for an interrogation. You've been called a graffiti artist and I wanna know why. All I see are scribble scrabble abstractions! +Man, I was up on him years ago on the IRT. You're selling and ending the culture. Not one bit of information. Only to get the money and growl with the power, man. +You're selling and ending the culture. Not one bit of information. Only to get the money and growl with the power, man. That's ignorant. +Mr. Wayne ... Something wrong? No, nothing, ah ... His parents ... I ... I hope he finds them. +It's cold. It's vichyssoise, sir. +It's vichyssoise, sir. Vichyssoise. Supposed to be cold, right? +I suppose you feel better now, sir. No, actually I feel worse. +Sorry, Alfred, I have to get to the Plaza. You heard Penguin, he was practically begging me to show. Which is why I hoped you'd snub him. +Which is why I hoped you'd snub him. "'Fraid I can't. There's been a kidnapping ... Tell Selina ... Ms. Kyle ... that some business came up -- no, tell her some major deal fell through, she'll feel sorry ... No, no, here's what to do, just tell her ... let her know that I ... not in a dumb ""Be my girlfriend way,"" but --" +"'Fraid I can't. There's been a kidnapping ... Tell Selina ... Ms. Kyle ... that some business came up -- no, tell her some major deal fell through, she'll feel sorry ... No, no, here's what to do, just tell her ... let her know that I ... not in a dumb ""Be my girlfriend way,"" but --" I will relay the message. +I will relay the message. Alright, thanks. +Selina ... more facets than Vicki, huh? Funny, but sort of mysterious... """Affair"" ... yes, maybe ... if she ..." +"""Affair"" ... yes, maybe ... if she ..." I think I'll take the stairs. +Mr. Wayne ... a reminder: Tonight is that loathsome party, hosted by that odious Mr. Shreck. May we RSVP in the resoundingly negative? I'm tempted, but ... well ... it is an occasion for celebration, and ... umm ... Selina will probably be there ... +I'm tempted, but ... well ... it is an occasion for celebration, and ... umm ... Selina will probably be there ... "Ah. ""Who"", may I ask, are you going ""as""?" +"Ah. ""Who"", may I ask, are you going ""as""?" You'll never guess. +I guess this mean we won. Yes, I suppose that we did. +Well ... Come what may... Merry Christmas, Mr. Wayne. "Right. Sure. And ""Peace on earth, good will toward men.""" +Where's the fire? """Shreck's."" You --" +How could you? I'm a woman... I'm -- sorry, I -- +As I was saying: I'm a woman, and can't be taken for granted. Are you listening, you Batman you? Hanging on every word. +Hanging on every word. Good joke. Wanna hear another one? +"A ""he-man""? Sure. They shine that beacon in the sky, then wonder what hole I crawl out of." "Wow, a real response and you're not even trying to get into my tights. But explain me ... If you're so down on ""them"" out there, why bust your bat-buns to protect 'em?" +"Wow, a real response and you're not even trying to get into my tights. But explain me ... If you're so down on ""them"" out there, why bust your bat-buns to protect 'em?" I just can't sleep at night. Exploding department stores keep me up. One ... +I can't sleep either, lately. A little link, between us. But bottom line baby, you live to preserve the peace, and I'm dying to disturb it. That could put a strain on our relationship. ...four, five. +Hey stud: I thought we had something together. We do. +A kiss under the misteltoe. Mistletoe can be deadly, if you eat it ... But a kiss can be even deadlier, if you mean it. +You're the second man who killed me this week. But hey, no prob ... I've got seven lives left. I tried to grab you -- save you -- +I tried to grab you -- save you -- Seems like every woman you try to save ends up dead, or deeply resentful. +First you're gonna shut up. Then you're gonna turn yourself in. Don't be naive. The law doesn't apply to people like him! Or us -- +Don't be naive. The law doesn't apply to people like him! Or us -- Wrong on both counts. +Admiring your handiwork? Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff. +Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff. You're not the Mayor. +You're not the Mayor. Things change. Hey, good to meet you. We'll be working hand in glove in Gotham's glorious future. +Once you were their freak, now these clowns do your bidding. Must feel pretty good. Better than you know, Bat-boy. +Better than you know, Bat-boy. What're you really after? +What're you really after? Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask. But you don't really think you'll ever win, playing it your way ..? +Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask. But you don't really think you'll ever win, playing it your way ..? Things change. +I think you're jealous that I'm a genuine freak, and you have to wear a mask! Maybe you're right. +We've met. Have we? +Sorry. I mistook me for somebody else. You mean mistook me? +You mean mistook me? Didn't I say that? +Didn't I say that? Yes and no ... +You don't seem like the type who does business with Mr. Shreck. No. And you don't seem like the type who takes orders from him. +No. And you don't seem like the type who takes orders from him. Well that's a ... long story ... +Well that's a ... long story ... Well, I could ... free up some time... +Well, I could ... free up some time... I'm listed. +I'm listed. I'm tempted. +Pouring myself into my work. I, ah ... didn't catch your last name. +I, ah ... didn't catch your last name. "Oh. ""Kyle.""" +Selina. Hi. Didn't mean to -- Scare me? No, actually, I was just scaring myself ... +Scare me? No, actually, I was just scaring myself ... I don't see how ... Anyway, it's a treat to find you out in the world, away from Ebeneezer Shreck. +I don't see how ... Anyway, it's a treat to find you out in the world, away from Ebeneezer Shreck. Treat to be here. +The news these days ... weird. People looking to superheroes for their peace of mind, and blaming their problems on super-villains ... instead of themselves, or their spouses at least. "And it's not even accurate ... I mean, ""Batman Blows It""? The guy probably prevented millions in property damage." +"And it's not even accurate ... I mean, ""Batman Blows It""? The guy probably prevented millions in property damage." "I heard on TV, ""Catwoman is thought to weigh 140 pounds."" How do these hacks sleep at night?" +"You're not coming to that, are you? ""The Relighting of the Tree"" thing?" I wouldn't be caught dead. No, it's probably how I would be caught. The Mayor stupidly took Cobblepot's bait -- +I wouldn't be caught dead. No, it's probably how I would be caught. The Mayor stupidly took Cobblepot's bait -- -- and it's gonna be a hot time in the cold town tonight. +You almost sound enthusiastic. I detest violence, but ... Christmas complacency can be a downer, too. +I detest violence, but ... Christmas complacency can be a downer, too. You've got a dark side, Selina Kyle. +You've got a dark side, Selina Kyle. No darker than yours, Bruce. +No darker than yours, Bruce. Well, I'm... braver at night, if that's what you mean... +Well, I'm... braver at night, if that's what you mean... Yeah? Me too... +... Maybe I'll watch it on TV. """We""? You and..." +"""We""? You and..." ... and me. No, that's be me and me. Is that what I said? +... and me. No, that's be me and me. Is that what I said? Yes and no... +I'm sure he's wonderful company and all, but ... doesn't the gold- plated bachelor bit get a little ... stale? Somewhat like the lonesome secretary syndrome, I'd suppose. +Somewhat like the lonesome secretary syndrome, I'd suppose. Executive Assistant. Secretary. Girlfriend? +Executive Assistant. Secretary. Girlfriend? Had one. Didn't work. +Had one. Didn't work. What went wrong? Hang on, I think I know ... You kept things from her. +What went wrong? Hang on, I think I know ... You kept things from her. Nope, I told her everything. +Nope, I told her everything. And the truth frightened her? +And the truth frightened her? Well ... How can I put this. There were two truths ... and she had trouble reconciling them. Because I had trouble reconciling them. Vicki said. +Well ... How can I put this. There were two truths ... and she had trouble reconciling them. Because I had trouble reconciling them. Vicki said. """Vicki."" Ice-skater, or stewardess?" +"""Vicki."" Ice-skater, or stewardess?" Photojournalist. +Photojournalist. Sure. +"Well? Was ""Vicki"" right? About your difficulty with duality?" If I said yes, then you might think me a Norman Bates, or a Ted Bundy type ... and then you might not let me kiss you. +"It's the so-called ""normal"" guys who always let you down. Sickos never scare me. At least they're commited." Ah ... then you've come to the right lonely mansion. +I, ah ... never fool around on the first date. Nor I, on the second. +Nor I, on the second. What're you doing three dates from now? +Sorry about yesterday ... Some big deal came together, no, fell through, and -- 'S'okay, I had to go home, feed my cat. +'S'okay, I had to go home, feed my cat. No hard feelings? +There's a big, comfy California King over in Bedding. What say we ... Y'mean take off our costumes? +Y'mean take off our costumes? Guess I'm sick of wearing masks ... +Guess I'm sick of wearing masks ... Same here. So why'd you come tonight? +Same here. So why'd you come tonight? You first. +Now don't give me a killing-Max- won't-solve-anything speech, because it will. Aren't you tired of this sanctimonious robber baron always coming out on top? When he should be six feet under? Jesus, Selina, you're not the judge or the jury... I mean, just who do you think you are? +Jesus, Selina, you're not the judge or the jury... I mean, just who do you think you are? I don't know anymore, Bruce ... +A kiss under the mistletoe. Mistletoe can be deadly, if you eat it ... But a kiss can be even deadlier, if you mean ... it. +... What do we do? I don't know. Till we figure it out, let's ... let's keep dancing. +Hmm. Primitive ventilation. Damn those Carny bolsheviks the other night, throwing bricks at my windows -- +Damn those Carny bolsheviks the other night, throwing bricks at my windows -- No. No glass on the inside. +No. No glass on the inside. Weird, huh? +I'd offer you coffee, but my assistant is using her vacation time. Good time, too. Everyone but the bandits seem to be slacking off till after New Years'. +If my life has had any meaning, that's the meaning. Max, I'm gonna fight you on this. The Mayor and I have already spoken and we see eye to eye here. So -- +Max, I'm gonna fight you on this. The Mayor and I have already spoken and we see eye to eye here. So -- Mayors come and go. And heirs tire easily. Really think a flyweight like you could last fifteen rounds with Muhammed Shreck. +Mayors come and go. And heirs tire easily. Really think a flyweight like you could last fifteen rounds with Muhammed Shreck. I'm not scared of you, Max. +"Not compared to that ""Cobblepot"" person you're promoting..." Scared of Oswald, are you? Why, if his parents hadn't eighty- sixed him you two might've been roomies, at prep school! +Scared of Oswald, are you? Why, if his parents hadn't eighty- sixed him you two might've been roomies, at prep school! """Oswald"" is linked to the Red Triangle Gang. I can't prove it but we both know it's true." +"""Oswald"" is linked to the Red Triangle Gang. I can't prove it but we both know it's true." Wayne, I'll not stand for mud- slinging in this office. If my assistant were here, she'd already have escorted you out, to -- +What happened? Yes, did -- did you injure yourself on that ski slope? Is that why you cut short your vacation and came back? +Ingenious costume. Let me guess ... Trust-fund goody-goody? Course you're feeling fine ... You almost made a monster the Mayor of Gotham City. +Course you're feeling fine ... You almost made a monster the Mayor of Gotham City. "I am the light of this city. And I am its mean, twisted soul. Does it really matter who's the ""mayor""?" +"I am the light of this city. And I am its mean, twisted soul. Does it really matter who's the ""mayor""?" It does to me. +It does to me. Yawn. +I don't know what you want, but I know I can get it for you with a minimum of fuss. Money, jewels, a very big ball of string... Your blood, Max. +Your blood, Max. My blood? I ... I gave at the office. +My blood? I ... I gave at the office. A half-pint. I'm talking gallons. +Let's make a deal. Other than my blood, what can I off-- Sorry, Max. A die for a die. +Sorry, Max. A die for a die. Either you've caught a cold, or you're planning to kill me. +Selina! Selina Kyle!? You're fired! And Bruce -- Bruce Wayne! Why are you dressed up as Batman? He is Batman, you moron. +He is Batman, you moron. Was. +You killed me, Batman killed me, Penguin killed me. Three lives down. Got enough bullets to finish me off? One way to find out? +I'll warm ya! I got hot mitts --! Down, Oswald. We have to talk. You see we've got something in common. +Down, Oswald. We have to talk. You see we've got something in common. Appetite for destruction? Contempt for the czars of fashion? Wait don't tell me ... Naked sexual charisma? +Appetite for destruction? Contempt for the czars of fashion? Wait don't tell me ... Naked sexual charisma? Batman. The thorn in both our sides, the fly in our ointment. +Batman. The thorn in both our sides, the fly in our ointment. Huh? You're implying I'm some kinda psycho criminal? +Are you perchance a registered voter? I'm also a mayoral prospect. I have but one pet cause, today: Ban The Bat. +I have but one pet cause, today: Ban The Bat. Oh, him again. He's already history -- check it out. +We're gonna disassemble his spiffy old Batmobile, then reassemble it as an H-bomb on wheels. Capiche? Yesterday's victor is tomorrow's vapor. He'd have more power as a martyr. No, to destroy Batman we must first turn him into what he hates most. Meaning, us. +Y'mean frame him? You're quick. Mayor Cobblepot. +Thanks. Jeez. Not used to this man-woman, cat-mouse business. Generally the babes flock to me, I tell 'em take a number. You're off the hook, Ozzie. But Batman is decidedly not. +He napalmed my arm. He knocked me off a building just when I was starting to feel good about myself. I want to play an integral part in his degradation. Well, a plan is forming ... A vicious one, involving the loss of innocent life ... +Well, a plan is forming ... A vicious one, involving the loss of innocent life ... I want in. The thought of busting Batman makes me feel all ... dirty. Maybe I'll give myself a bath right here ... +Let's consummate our fiendish union! I wouldn't touch you to scratch you. +I wouldn't touch you to scratch you. I oughta have you spayed! You sent out all the signals! +I oughta have you spayed! You sent out all the signals! Did I? Only 'cause my mom trained me to, with a man... any man, all men -- Corn dog! +Me, domesticated? By you? I doubt it! You repulsive... awful... penguin. The name is Oswald Cobblepot. +Son! Dad! Save yourself! +I ... it was terrible, I leaned over, and accidentally knocked her, out -- She jumped. She'd been depressed. +She jumped. She'd been depressed. Yes. Yes. Boyfriend trouble ..? +Yes. Yes. Boyfriend trouble ..? PMS. +"You buy this ""blurry"" business?" Women... nothing surprises me, Chip. Excepting your late mother... Who even knew Selina had a brain to damage? Bottom line: she tries to blackmail us, we drop her out a higher window. Meanwhile I got badder fish to fry. Yeah -- Oswald, please. +Ten, nine... The Christmas Eve of Destruction -- ! +The Christmas Eve of Destruction -- ! ... eight, seven... +... eight, seven... Silent night, violent night... +Silent night, violent night... All is shrill, all is blight... +Well, um... funny thing, your penguins... they're not responding to the launch command. Fact they're kind of turned around now... Like someone jammed our signal... But who could've ... no, don't say it. +But who could've ... no, don't say it. My lips are sealed. +Actually this is all just a bad dream. You're home in bed. Heavily sedated, resting comfortably, and dying from the carcinogens you've personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony or poetic justice? You tell me. My god ... it's true. The Penguin- Man of the sewers ... Please, don't h-- +My god ... it's true. The Penguin- Man of the sewers ... Please, don't h-- Quiet, Max. What do you think, this is a conversation? +"What, is that supposed to ""hypnotize"" me?" No, just give you a splitting headache. +No, just give you a splitting headache. Well it's not working. +"Most of all, I want to find out who I am. By finding my parents. Learning my ""human"" name. Simple stuff that the good people of Gotham take for granted." And exactly why am I gonna help you? +Yawn. That coulda come from anywhere. What about the documents that prove you own half the firetraps in Gotham? +What about the documents that prove you own half the firetraps in Gotham? If there were such documents -- and that is not an admission -- I would have seen to it they were shredded. +A lot of tape and a little patience make all the difference. By the way, how's Fred Adkins, your old partner? Fred. Fred? He's ... actually he's been on an extended vacation, and -- +You know what, Mr. ... Penguin-Sir? I think perhaps I could help orchestrate a little welcome-home scenario for you. And once we're both back home, perhaps we can help each other out ... You won't regret this, Mr. Shreck. +Don't look, Oswald. It's a surprise. A big bag of fan mail? Filthy lucre? Wait don't tell me ... Is it a broad? +Bu ... wh ... I ... I mean ... Yes, adulation is a cross to bear. God knows I know. But someone's got to supplant our standing-in- the-way-of-progress Mayor and don't deny it, Mr. Cobblepot, you've got the magic! +Yes, adulation is a cross to bear. God knows I know. But someone's got to supplant our standing-in- the-way-of-progress Mayor and don't deny it, Mr. Cobblepot, you've got the magic! Max, elections happen in November. Is this not late December, or have I inhaled too much swamp gas in my time? +Wonder if it's worth my time. We need signatures. To overturn the ballot. I can supply those, Oswald. +We need signatures. To overturn the ballot. I can supply those, Oswald. "I could teach her my ""French flipper"" trick..." +"I could teach her my ""French flipper"" trick..." Oswald: We need one more thing. +Oswald: We need one more thing. A platform? Lemme see ... Stop global warming. Start global cooling. Make the world a colder place. Frigid ... +A platform? Lemme see ... Stop global warming. Start global cooling. Make the world a colder place. Frigid ... That's fine, Oswald. But to get the Mayor recalled, we still need a catalyst, a trigger, an incident. Like the Reichstag fire, the Gulf of Tonkin. +That's fine, Oswald. But to get the Mayor recalled, we still need a catalyst, a trigger, an incident. Like the Reichstag fire, the Gulf of Tonkin. """You're doin' great, Mayor Cobblepot."" ""Your table is ready, Mayor Cobblepot."" ""I need you, Oswald. I need you now. That's the biggest parasol I ever --""" +Precisely. But they must come and go via the plumbing ducts that I've provided. That shall be as sacred as the separation between church and state. ... Want 'em to go apeshit. Nutso. Ballistic ... Do permanent damage to little old ladies. Loot, pillage, annoy people in a big way ... Sounds fun. But I ... +I got my own ... quest to pursue up here. It's crucial I not get sidetracked, with some silly ... Sidetracked? Oswald, this is your chance to fulfill a destiny that your parents carelessly discarded ... +Sidetracked? Oswald, this is your chance to fulfill a destiny that your parents carelessly discarded ... Reclaim my birthright, y'mean? +Reclaim my birthright, y'mean? Imagine: You'll have the ear of the media. Access to captains of industry. Unlimited poon- tang ... +He didn't even lose a limb, an eyeball ... bladder control .. Point is, listen to them. They've lost faith in old symbols. They're ready to bond with you, the icon of the future. If it works, don't fix it... +Max! Relax! Josh and Jen'll put a spin on this. We'll talk it over tonight, at your costume par-- I think you'd feel out of place at my party. You see, it's for winners. +You're coming with me, you Great White Dope! To die, way down in the sewer! Not Chip! Please! Penguin ... If you have one iota of human feeling, you'll take me instead. +Not Chip! Please! Penguin ... If you have one iota of human feeling, you'll take me instead. I don't. So, no. +I don't. So, no. I'm the one you want! Penguin, please! Ask yourself: Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you? Isn't it Max, not Chip, whom you want to see immersed up to his eyeballs in raw sewage? +I'm the one you want! Penguin, please! Ask yourself: Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you? Isn't it Max, not Chip, whom you want to see immersed up to his eyeballs in raw sewage? Okay, you have a point. Plus, the hysterics are getting on my nerves. +Working late? I'm touched. No, I am. Yes, I'm boning up for your Bruce Wayne meeting in the morning. I pulled all the files on the proposed power plant, and Mr. Wayne's hoped-for investment... I've studied up on all of it ... I even opened the protected files and -- +Why, how industrious. And how did you open protected files, may I ask? "Well I figured that your password was ""Finster."" Your Pomeranian. And it was. And it's all very interesting, though a bit on the technical side, I mean about how the power plant is a power plant in name only since in fact it's gonna be one big giant..." +Big giant capacitor. And that, instead of generating power it'll sort of be -- -- sucking power, from Gotham City, and storing it ... stockpiling it, sort of? Which, unless I'm being dense, is a novel approach, I'd say. And who ... would you say this to? +... Where did curiosity get the cat? I'm no cat. I'm just an assistant. A secretary -- +I'm no cat. I'm just an assistant. A secretary -- And a very, very good one. +And a very, very good one. Too good? +It's our secret. Honest. How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless? I must protect my interests, Ms. Kyle. And Interest Number One, is moi. +Okay, go ahead. Intimidate me, bully me if it makes you feel big. I mean, it's not like you can just kill me. Actually, it's a lot like that. +Selina?! Selina ... Selina ... That's my name, Maximillions. Don't wear it out, babe, or I'll make you buy me a new one. +That's my name, Maximillions. Don't wear it out, babe, or I'll make you buy me a new one. Uh, Selina, this is, uh, Bruce Wayne. +Morning, Max. Bummer about the store. You insured? I damn well better be. In fact I want you to phone those goniffs over at Gotham Insurance and tell them -- +I damn well better be. In fact I want you to phone those goniffs over at Gotham Insurance and tell them -- "Actually I have to split. Take a ""personal day."" You don't mind? Max, you're tops." +How long has it been, Uncle Alfred? Ten years. Barbara isn't really me niece, sir. She's Joanna Clark's daughter. +Joanna and I were in love in London. But when I realized our age difference was too extreme - Uncle Alfred left for America. Much to my mother's dismay - +Uncle Alfred left for America. Much to my mother's dismay - Eventually she married a young physician. +You certainly will not. Oh no, those things frighten me. +I'm sorry, Uncle, I came to tuck you in. And... You came to tuck me in. That's quite a switch. I am looking for my brother, Wilfred. He is first butler to the Maharajah of Mirajanpore. But Mirajanpore is a floating court, it travels across India, so Wilfred can be rather difficult to find. +I guess they don't have fax machines on elephants. I have been trying to reach Wilfred with no success. As one grows older, one yearns for family. +I have been trying to reach Wilfred with no success. As one grows older, one yearns for family. It's good to see you again, Uncle. I've missed you. +It's good to see you again, Uncle. I've missed you. As I've missed you. Sleep well, child. +I'm sorry. I was too late. Too late for what, dear child? +Too late for what, dear child? I came to give you your freedom, a chance to live the life you choose. The same gift you gave me. +I came to give you your freedom, a chance to live the life you choose. The same gift you gave me. I have been part of the greatest adventure ever know. I have found purpose here, and the family I could never have. +Find my brother Wilfred. Give him This. I have duties he must fulfill in my stead. Only family can be trusted. What is it? +What is it? It is the hearts of two good men whom I have had the honor of calling son. Take it, child. But I implore you, never open it. You look so like your mother. +Uncle Alfred? In spirit only, I'm afraid. +In spirit only, I'm afraid. The boys need help. +He's over-eager, impulsive. I can't trust him not to get hurt. Perhaps the truth is you don't really trust anyone. +Perhaps the truth is you don't really trust anyone. Don't tell me you're on his side. Again. +Don't tell me you're on his side. Again. Despite all your talents, you are still a novice in the ways of family. Dick follows the same ends as you but gets there by his own course. You must learn to trust him. For that is the nature of family. +I must have dozed off. My sincerest apologies, sir. No apology necessary. That's the first time in thirty years. +You have? Secrets are a virtual prerequisite in this house, don't you think? +Well, I hope you'll stay with us. There's a lovely inn just down -- +Oh, but, sir. So much goes on- Don't be silly, Alfred. After all, she's family. +Congratulations on your apprehension of Mr. Freeze. Batman monopolized the evening news. Thanks. +Is there something wrong, sir? Alfred, am I pigheaded? Is it always my way or the highway? +Alfred, am I pigheaded? Is it always my way or the highway? Why, yes, actually. Death and chance stole your parents. But rather than become a victim, you have done everything in your power to control the fates. For what is Batman if not an effort to master the chaos that sweeps our world, an attempt to control death itself. +But I can't can I? No, my boy. I'm afraid none of us can. +I am as well as can be expected. Alfred, I know you're sick -- I can get you the best doctors. +Alfred, I know you're sick -- I can get you the best doctors. I've seen the best doctors--! A gentleman does not discuss his health. It's not civilized. I hope I've taught you at least that much, young man. +Have you ever regretted your life working here, Alfred? Attending to heroes? No sir. My Only regret is that I was never able to be out there with you. +Attending to heroes? No sir. My Only regret is that I was never able to be out there with you. Not all heroes wear masks. +Alfred, if I've never told you...I just want to say... Yes? +I've spent my whole life trying to beat back death. What good are all my heroics now if I can't save you? Everyone dies, Master Bruce. There's no defeat in that. Victory comes in fighting for what we know is right while we still live. +I love you, old man. Remember this. And remember it always. I'm proud of you. And I love you too, son. +Alfred, old friend, I could use your help right now. Right here, sir. +It's good to see you. What seems to be the problem? +What seems to be the problem? Women. +Women. That, sir, does not compute. +That, sir, does not compute. First Ivy had an intoxicating effect on both Dick and me. Tonight my feelings spread to someone else. +First Ivy had an intoxicating effect on both Dick and me. Tonight my feelings spread to someone else. Specify, please. +Specify, please. Pamela Isley. I was so attracted to her I couldn't reason clearly. I still can't. She used to work for Wayne Enterprises. Find a file. +Pamela Isley. I was so attracted to her I couldn't reason clearly. I still can't. She used to work for Wayne Enterprises. Find a file. Coming on line now, sir. +Advanced botany. DNA splicing. Recombinant animal plant patterns. Pheromone extractions. Pheromones? +Pheromones? Glandular secretions from animals. Scents that create powerful emotions. Fear. Rage... +Glandular secretions from animals. Scents that create powerful emotions. Fear. Rage... Passion. Of course. Find the photo of Ivy after the flower ball. +What is it? It appears, sir, that someone has stolen the batsignal. +Alfred, are you...? Rather disappointed at how poorly I taught you proper housekeeping. And quite well, it seems. Thanks to you, son. Thanks to you all. +I'm on break from- Oxbridge Academy? +Oxbridge Academy? Their new computer sciences division. How did you know? +Their new computer sciences division. How did you know? I recognized the accent. +Sometimes counting on someone else is the only way to win. Hey, I'm the one who kicked Ivy's botanical butt. Personally. Me. I did. +Hey, I'm the one who kicked Ivy's botanical butt. Personally. Me. I did. You are going back to school. +Please be looking for me. I'm so sorry to trouble you, but- +Al's main squeeze. Is she here? I'm about to scrape the bottom of my shoe off my tongue, right? My parents were killed in an auto accident ten years ago. Alfred has been supporting me ever since. +I could have made it, you know. I didn't need your help. Whatever you say, lady. It's all in a day's work for me. +This is to replace the bike I lost. I'll get you the rest. Keep it. +Keep it. Of course, Dick Grayson, ward of the fabulously wealthy Bruce Wayne. Why would you need a few hundred dollars? +Of course, Dick Grayson, ward of the fabulously wealthy Bruce Wayne. Why would you need a few hundred dollars? Hey, what's your problem? +Hey, what's your problem? I guess, the truth is I'm just not comfortable with the idle rich. Even when they try to act like heroes. +I started racing after my parents died. There was something about the speed, the danger, that took me out of myself, that made the hurt go away. You wouldn't understand. You'd be surprised. +You'd be surprised. Street racing isn't exactly an acceptable major at Oxbridge. They kicked me out. it doesn't matter. I've won enough money to do what I've always dreamed. +Street racing isn't exactly an acceptable major at Oxbridge. They kicked me out. it doesn't matter. I've won enough money to do what I've always dreamed. Just don't tell me you're hoping to run away and join the circus. +Alfred has supported me my whole life. Now I'm going to pay him back. I'm going to liberate him from his dismal life of servitude. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Servants, Masters, it's ridiculous. Alfred is the sweetest, most noble man alive and he's subjugated all his life and dreams to someone else. +Servants, Masters, it's ridiculous. Alfred is the sweetest, most noble man alive and he's subjugated all his life and dreams to someone else. Alfred and Bruce are like family. +Alfred and Bruce are like family. Paying someone to prepare your meals and do your laundry and clean your dishes, you call that family? +Paying someone to prepare your meals and do your laundry and clean your dishes, you call that family? Alfred's happy here. +Alfred's happy here. Happy. You honestly don't know, do you? You can't even see what's in front of your own eyes. +Alpha. Got it. What the hell is attack plan Alpha? Divide and conquer. +Youwsa! Nothing but air. Batgirl, Baatgirl, Baatgirl. +This is easy. Crimefighter's rule number one: never say that. +Crimefighter's rule number one: never say that. Why? +Crimefighter's rule number two. I'm afraid to ask. +I'm afraid to ask. Be ready for anything. +Pow! What! Kazow! What exactly are you doing? +What exactly are you doing? I don't know. It just feels right. +It'll take the satellites about a minute to re-align, but...damn! Damn? Damn is not good. +Damn? Damn is not good. Those targeting mirrors are frozen. The sun beam won't work. +You were a great scientist once. Don't squander your genius on evil. I hate being lectured. +After you have frozen, your icy tomb will plummet back to Gotham. Freeze, you're mad. This capsule will slaughter thousands. +Mr. Bane, I'll finish off the city. You, as they say in showbiz, are on. Take the boys and kill the kids. But bring me the Bat. We have eleven minutes to stop Freeze And thaw the city. +You're loosing your cool I think not. There'll be no hot time in this old town tonight. You'll get a charge out of this. +Go on, kill me too. Just as you killed my wife. I didn't kill your wife. +Nice suit. And today you are? Nightwing. Scourge of darkest evil. +Nightwing. Scourge of darkest evil. This is all about fashion for you, isn't it? +This is all about fashion for you, isn't it? It's the gear. Chicks love the gear. +... A giant drilling truck burrowing under the city ... Mr. Freeze. +Mr. Freeze. The batcomputer tracks him heading for the Gotham Museum. +The batcomputer tracks him heading for the Gotham Museum. The new antiquities exhibit. The Second Sun of the Sudan. +The new antiquities exhibit. The Second Sun of the Sudan. Of course. He's going to steal the giant white diamond. +Of course. He's going to steal the giant white diamond. No, Robin. He's going to jail. +I was just hanging around. I thought you were going to stay in the museum and round up the thugs. +I thought you were going to stay in the museum and round up the thugs. How about, nice to see you? Glad you're here to save my life. +Watch the first step. Surf's up. +You think Freeze will take the bait? He'll be here. +You don't have two million. Three million - - I'll borrow it from you. Four million - - +Pull back. You can't make the jump. I can make it. +She's definitely part of this. It's weird, for a while Ivy was all I could think about. But then... I know. The feeling just vanished. +I know. The feeling just vanished. I can't believe we were fighting over a bad guy. +I can't believe we were fighting over a bad guy. Bad, yes. Guy, no. This is one majorly beautiful evil person. +Bad, yes. Guy, no. This is one majorly beautiful evil person. I'm totally over her. Positively. +I'm totally over her. Positively. Me too. Great stems, though. +Me too. Great stems, though. Umm-hmmmm. +Umm-hmmmm. Definitely. +How did you...? Open Sesame...Chicken. +She's still alive. He's adapted his freezing technology to reverse McGregor's Syndrome. He's even found a cure for the early stages of the disease. Can he save her? +Can he save her? No. Her case is too advanced. But maybe, someday, with more research- +No beauty... Just the beast. +Remember the victim at the airport. Toxins introduced through the mouth. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Why is she so desperate to kiss us? I'm betting her lips are poison. +Why is she so desperate to kiss us? I'm betting her lips are poison. A poison kiss? You have some real issues with women, you know that? You just couldn't stand that she was about to kiss me. Couldn't stand that something might be mine and not yours. Could you?! +We gotta get those locks changed. She knows who we are. +She knows who we are. I guess we'll just have to kill her. +I guess we'll just have to kill her. Kill her later. We've got work to do. +No sign of the snowman. Maybe he melted. +If we could relay the sunlight- From the other side of the equator- +Winded, old timer? Don't make me kill you in front of the girl. +They're overly protective. You're Not going to hurt me are you, Ms... Dr. Pamela Isley. +Dr. Pamela Isley. What can I do for you, Doctor? A research grant? A hospital wing? +What can I do for you, Doctor? A research grant? A hospital wing? Actually, I already work for you. Or did. Your arboreal preservation project in South America. +Actually, I already work for you. Or did. Your arboreal preservation project in South America. We cut our support. A conflict of ideologies. Dr. Woodrue was a lunatic. +We cut our support. A conflict of ideologies. Dr. Woodrue was a lunatic. I see you knew him. +I see you knew him. That lab was consumed by fire last week. how did you manage to escape? +That lab was consumed by fire last week. how did you manage to escape? I have here a proposal showing how Wayne Enterprises can immediately cease all actions that toxify our environment. +Forget the stars. Look here, at the Earth, our mother, our womb. She deserves our loyalty and protection. And yet you spoil her lands, poison her oceans, blacken her skies. You're killing her. Your intentions are noble, but no diesel fuel for heat. No coolants to preserve food. Millions would die of cold and hunger alone. +Your intentions are noble, but no diesel fuel for heat. No coolants to preserve food. Millions would die of cold and hunger alone. Acceptable losses in a battle to save the planet. +Acceptable losses in a battle to save the planet. People come first, Dr. Isley. +Tell me, billionaire, would you warm faster to my pleas if I looked more like Ms. January here? Although the Wayne Foundation is hosting the event, sadly I will be unable to attend. Thank you all. Good day, Doctor. +Physical perfection, charm and wealth tossed over for a dowdy spinster. How do you explain your behavior? I can't. But perhaps tonight, over dinner...I've just had an opening. +I can't. But perhaps tonight, over dinner...I've just had an opening. Maybe your witless playboy persona works on every bimbo du jour but I am not the least bit titillated by your attentions. So back off or I'll have you in court quicker than you can spell sexual harassment. Got me? +No!? Umm. What I mean is...no plans at the moment... +Umm. What I mean is...no plans at the moment... But soon... +And? Can I get some help over here? +You're not even listening to me. What? I'm sorry. You were saying... +What? I'm sorry. You were saying... We've been going out over a year now and...Okay, here goes. Bruce, I want to spend my life with you. +Julie, I'm not the marrying kind. There are things about me you wouldn't understand. I know you're a dedicated bachelor. That you've had a your wild nights. +I know you're a dedicated bachelor. That you've had a your wild nights. Wild doesn't exactly cover it. +Wild doesn't exactly cover it. But there's nothing you've done under the cover of darkness I couldn't learn to understand. +But there's nothing you've done under the cover of darkness I couldn't learn to understand. I wouldn't bet on that. +I wouldn't bet on that. I'm betting on you. You'll make someone a good husband one day. But I can't wait around forever. Don't answer now. Just think it over. Here's some food for thought. +Who's Ivy? What? +What? You just called me Ivy. Who's Ivy? +You just called me Ivy. Who's Ivy? I wish I knew. +Dr. Isley. it was like I could feel you in the room. You're...enchanting. Gorgeous. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen. If you're..um... free...this evening. Bruce? What are you doing? +Make a choice, Bruce. Her or me. Well...um...her. +Well...um...her. You were right. I get it. You're not the marrying kind. You've made your point. Goodbye Bruce Wayne. +That's gotta hurt. Somehow he survived. But the cryoslution mutated his body. +What happened to his wife? Presumed dead. No one knows. +He needs extreme cold to survive. His cryo-suit uses diamond enhanced lasers to keep him at zero degrees. Let me get this straight. A brilliant citizen, disfigured by a horrible accident, re-emerges as a psychotic super-villain bent on theft, revenge and destruction. You see a pattern here? +Let me get this straight. A brilliant citizen, disfigured by a horrible accident, re-emerges as a psychotic super-villain bent on theft, revenge and destruction. You see a pattern here? "< Maybe it's something in the water." +I need the Wayne Diamonds. We gonna trap ourselves a snowman? +We gonna trap ourselves a snowman? Absolutely. Just as soon as you take ten hours training in the simulator. +Absolutely. Just as soon as you take ten hours training in the simulator. Whoa, I made a mistake. I'm sorry. Don't go all protective on me. It won't happen again. +Whoa, I made a mistake. I'm sorry. Don't go all protective on me. It won't happen again. Dick, you were reckless. You could have been killed. +Dick, you were reckless. You could have been killed. I'm fine. See. Me. here. Alive. How are we gonna work together if you're never going to trust me? +I got the diamond. Quell problemo, Bruce? You left your back wide open. Freeze could have killed you. +Of course. Alfred still keeps your mother's picture in his room. Anybody want to tell us kids in the cheap seats who Joanna Clark is? +He's dying. And I can't deal with it. But he's never said a word- +But he's never said a word- You know Alfred. He'd never say Anything. But I can tell. Until you came along, Alfred was the only family I ever had. Without him, I don't know how I would have survived. He saved my life, Dick. And I've never told him. +You know Alfred. He'd never say Anything. But I can tell. Until you came along, Alfred was the only family I ever had. Without him, I don't know how I would have survived. He saved my life, Dick. And I've never told him. Talk to him, Bruce. There's nothing worse than losing someone without telling them how you feel. +Talk to him, Bruce. There's nothing worse than losing someone without telling them how you feel. I'm scared, Dick. Maybe for the first time in my life. I'm really scared. +McGregor's Syndrome. That's what Freeze's wife had. Yes. But Alfred's condition is less severe. Freeze's research says he cured a case like Alfred's. It just doesn't say how. +Yes. But Alfred's condition is less severe. Freeze's research says he cured a case like Alfred's. It just doesn't say how. I checked the medical database. No one else is even close. +I checked the medical database. No one else is even close. I'm late for the dedication. Then I go after Freeze and Ivy. Alone. +I'm late for the dedication. Then I go after Freeze and Ivy. Alone. Like hell you do. +Like hell you do. Dick, don't push me right now. +Dick, don't push me right now. Or what? No one can capture Ivy but the big bad Bat. Crap! You just want her for yourself. Don't you? Answer me, damn it! +Or what? No one can capture Ivy but the big bad Bat. Crap! You just want her for yourself. Don't you? Answer me, damn it! Yes! Yes, I want her so badly I can taste it. That's the whole point. Look at us. Orphans. Isolated. Obsessed to the exclusion of life, love, family. We're perfect targets. She's done something to us, got us fighting over her somehow. +Yes! Yes, I want her so badly I can taste it. That's the whole point. Look at us. Orphans. Isolated. Obsessed to the exclusion of life, love, family. We're perfect targets. She's done something to us, got us fighting over her somehow. Hail the all-knowing Bruce Wayne. Here's what I know, she loves me, Not you and it's driving you crazy. It's why you stopped us from kissing. Because if you can't have her, nobody can. +Hail the all-knowing Bruce Wayne. Here's what I know, she loves me, Not you and it's driving you crazy. It's why you stopped us from kissing. Because if you can't have her, nobody can. She's clouded your mind. You're not thinking straight. +She's clouded your mind. You're not thinking straight. Oh but I am. For the first time in a long time. I'm through living in your shadow. All that ends right now. +That's no batlight, it's a birdcall. Her name is Pamela Isley. I saw her talking to Gordon. She must have stolen his keys, altered the signal- +Her name is Pamela Isley. I saw her talking to Gordon. She must have stolen his keys, altered the signal- And she did it all for me. For love. +And she did it all for me. For love. She's infected us with some kind of pheromone extract- +She's infected us with some kind of pheromone extract- Is that it, Bruce? I'm under some magic spell? +Is that it, Bruce? I'm under some magic spell? She wants to kill you. +She wants to kill you. You'd say anything to keep me away from her. To keep her for yourself. +You'd say anything to keep me away from her. To keep her for yourself. You once said to me that being part of a team means trusting your partner. That sometimes counting on someone else is the only way to win. DO you remember? +One question. When Batgirl and I rolled off the telescope, how come you didn't try and save us? It was the first time I fell and you weren't there to catch me. I knew you could handle it. +Let me guess, Plant Girl? Vine Lady? Ms. Moss? Listen, Captain Cold, the suit, maybe, even though silver went out in the 70's. But those boots are unforgivable. What is it with men? +Listen, Captain Cold, the suit, maybe, even though silver went out in the 70's. But those boots are unforgivable. What is it with men? I'd love to stand here all day and exchange fashion tips but I'm kind of pressed for time. So hand over the diamond, Garden Gal, or I turn you into mulch. +Impressive Well, I, my most unabominable snowman, have been impressed by you. In fact I propose a pairing. So I'm here to set you free. +Well, I, my most unabominable snowman, have been impressed by you. In fact I propose a pairing. So I'm here to set you free. An enticing offer. But what does the lady want in return? +An enticing offer. But what does the lady want in return? Let's cool it for now. There's someone I want you to meet. +I love that belt. What are you, about a fifty Big and Tall? I always go a size smaller. Makes me look slimmer. +No gun. How disarming. I wonder if I can get a cell with a view of the gardens? +I wonder if I can get a cell with a view of the gardens? Dear daisy, don't despair. +My reserves are exhausted. I must have the gems that power my suit. You are looking unseasonably hot. Let's go inside and grab your rocks. +In my weakened state I am no match for the bat and the bird. You leave Batman and Robin to me. +Trust me. Vegetable magnetism. Fine. While I retrieve my diamonds, you and meatloaf will bring my wife to your lair. She's frozen in - +Fine. While I retrieve my diamonds, you and meatloaf will bring my wife to your lair. She's frozen in - Hold it. You never said anything about a wife, frozen or otherwise- +You will rescue my wife OK, OK. Ms. Ivy to the rescue. Now where do I find your brittle bride? +Make yourself right at home. Where is my wife? +Where is my wife? There was nothing I could do. Batman deactivated her. She's dead. +There was nothing I could do. Batman deactivated her. She's dead. You lie! +Their bones will turn to ice. Their blood will freeze in my hands. Kill them. Of course. But why stop there? Why should only Batman and Robin die while the society that created them goes unpunished? +Yes. I shall replay the world for sentencing me to a life without the warmth of human comfort. I will blanket the city in endless winter. First Gotham and then the world. Just what I had in mind. Everything dead on Earth except us. A chance for mother nature to start again. Plants and flowers are the oldest species on the planet yet they are defenseless against man. Sorry hon, this is for science. Behold the dawn of a new age. +I have created a race of plants with the strength of the deadliest animals. Once you have frozen mankind, my mutants will overrun the globe. The Earth will become a brave new world of only plants. And we shall rule them. For we will be the only two people left in the world. Adam and Evil. +You will distract the bat and bird while I prepare to freeze Gotham. Can't we just ice them along with the rest of the citizenry? +Can't we just ice them along with the rest of the citizenry? That is far too merciful. Batman will watch his beloved Gotham perish, then I will kill him. +That is far too merciful. Batman will watch his beloved Gotham perish, then I will kill him. As a team, the duncely duo protect each other. But the Robin is young. Impetuous. If I could get him alone- +As a team, the duncely duo protect each other. But the Robin is young. Impetuous. If I could get him alone- One kiss and you could lift the mask from his lifeless face. Their secret identities would be revealed. But how best to bait a brid? +One kiss and you could lift the mask from his lifeless face. Their secret identities would be revealed. But how best to bait a brid? The way to a boy's heart is through his ego. What strapping young hero could resist his very own...signal? +The way to a boy's heart is through his ego. What strapping young hero could resist his very own...signal? Inspired, Ms. Ivy. +Inspired, Ms. Ivy. I'm hungry. I think I'll have poultry. +Prepare for a bitter harvest. Winter has come at last. Not good. +Freezy, I'm feeling...hot. I find that unlikely. +I find that unlikely. Okay, my hair is brittle, my skin is dry and I don't care. I'd weather blizzards to have you. You're the most perfect man I've ever known. +Okay, my hair is brittle, my skin is dry and I don't care. I'd weather blizzards to have you. You're the most perfect man I've ever known. To be frozen. To never change. A life of perpetual ice-olation. There is little perfection in that. +To be frozen. To never change. A life of perpetual ice-olation. There is little perfection in that. What say we turn up the heat? +What say we turn up the heat? You're skating on thin ice. My passion thaws for my bride alone. +You're skating on thin ice. My passion thaws for my bride alone. Forget your frosty femme. These lips are wet and ready to get frostbite. +Forget your frosty femme. These lips are wet and ready to get frostbite. Hop away little bunny. Before I cool your jets. Permanently. +Give it up. If you threw yourself- At you? Polly want a kiss? +I'm glad you came. I can't breathe without you. I want us to be together. But I need to know you're serious about turning over a new leaf. I need a sign. +I want us to be together. But I need to know you're serious about turning over a new leaf. I need a sign. How about dangerous curves? +How about dangerous curves? Of trust. Tell me your plan. +Of trust. Tell me your plan. Kiss me and I'll tell you. +Kiss me and I'll tell you. Tell me and I'll kiss you. +Tell me and I'll kiss you. Freeze has turned the new telescope into a freezing gun. He's about to turn Gotham into an ice cube. +Freeze has turned the new telescope into a freezing gun. He's about to turn Gotham into an ice cube. I've got to stop him. +I've got to stop him. One kiss, my love. For luck. +Bad luck, I'm afraid. It's time to die, little bird. What do you mean? +What do you mean? You should have heeded your pointy- eared pal. These lips can be murder. +You should have heeded your pointy- eared pal. These lips can be murder. Then you never loved me? +Then you never loved me? Love you? I loathe your bipedal arrogance, your animal superiority. My only joy is knowing that even now my poison kiss is sucking the life from your ape-like face. +You're too late. Say bye-bye birdie. Sorry to disappoint you. But rubber lips are immune to your charms. +What do we have here? A lovely new supply of Venom. I'll just take this to my laboratory for further study. What exactly are you working on in there? What are those screams? +You have to tell me what you're doing with my Venom. You must show me your secrets, blossom, before I show you mine. +...Our original sponsor had no stomach for military applications. he cut the funding for our work - Our work? +Our work? Without your research, I could never have come this far. Join me. The two of us, entwined, side by side... +Join you? I've spent my life trying to protect plants from extinction and now you corrupt my research into some maniacal scheme for world domination. When I get through you won't be able to get a job teaching high school chemistry, do you hear me, you psycho? Well, I can respect your opinion. +Dr. Isley? Pamela? You look great. Especially for a dead woman. Hello, Jason. I think I've had a change of heart. +The dreams again, sir? I think they're getting worse. +I think they're getting worse. It's a wonder you sleep at all. +...Would it be a terrible imposition to ask you to take better care of your equipment? Then you'd have nothing to complain about. +Then you'd have nothing to complain about. Hardly a worry, sir. +How's the sonar coming, Alfred? A few hitches sir, but I'm confident we'll have a prototype in no time. +A few hitches sir, but I'm confident we'll have a prototype in no time. It'll never work. +It'll never work. I believe you said the same thing about the Batmobile. +Scholarly research? She has an excellent mind. +She has an excellent mind. If I misinterpreted your interest in the lady, I humbly apologize-- +If I misinterpreted your interest in the lady, I humbly apologize-- I wonder if she'd go out with me. +I wonder if she'd go out with me. Apology hastily retracted. +Do you remember the night I fell into that cave and the bat chased me? Your parents' wake. Rain fell like tears. +Your parents' wake. Rain fell like tears. ...The night Batman was born. What was I doing in the fields that night, Alfred? What sent me running out into that storm? I keep dreaming about it but I just can't remember. +...The night Batman was born. What was I doing in the fields that night, Alfred? What sent me running out into that storm? I keep dreaming about it but I just can't remember. I don't know, sir. Your dear parents. Suddenly gone. So much loss... +I don't know, sir. Your dear parents. Suddenly gone. So much loss... I remember the bat, though. His scream. Those eyes. i was sure the fear would kill me. In time I came to believe that if I became a monster, that if I was feared, I wouldn't be scared anymore. I was wrong. They think I became Batman to fight crime. I became Batman to fight the fear. And instead I became the fear. +Gee, I'm not sure. Alfred? How many rooms? Total? Ninety-three, including the sauna. +Ninety-three, including the sauna. Take any three you like. After you get settled we can... +It's happening again. Just like my parents. A monster comes out of the night. A scream. Two gunshots. I killed them. What did you say? +What did you say? He killed them. Two-Face. He slaughtered that boy's parents. +He killed them. Two-Face. He slaughtered that boy's parents. No. You said I. I killed them. +No. You said I. I killed them. Don't be ridiculous. +Sorry to bother you, sir. I have some rather distressing news about Master Dick. Is he all right? +Is he all right? I'm afraid Master Dick has... gone traveling. +I'm afraid Master Dick has... gone traveling. He ran away? +He ran away? Actually, he took the car. +Actually, he took the car. He boosted the Jag? Is that all? +He boosted the Jag? Is that all? Not the Jaguar. The _other_ car. +Not the Jaguar. The _other_ car. The _Rolls_? +The _Rolls_? _No_, sir. _The_ _other_ _car_! +Too much wealth. Too fast. Half of Gotham zombied-out. A technology that self destructs. He's protecting more than industrial secrets, Alfred. I shall be near at hand. Should you need me. And sir, I know it's difficult but try and have a good time. +Maybe they're right. Which `they' might that be, sir? +Which `they' might that be, sir? Jack Napier's dead. My parents are avenged. The Wayne Foundation contributes a small fortune to police and crime prevention programs. +Why do I keep doing this? Why, indeed? +Why, indeed? Could I let Batman go? For Dick. For me. Could I leave the shadows? Have a life. Friends. Family... +Could I let Batman go? For Dick. For me. Could I leave the shadows? Have a life. Friends. Family... Dr. Meridian... +She's the first woman in a long time that's... No. She's the first woman ever. And she loves Batman. Not Bruce Wayne. If I let go of Batman I'll lose her. Perhaps. Perhaps not. Why not ask the lady? +Perhaps. Perhaps not. Why not ask the lady? How? As Batman, knowing she wants me? Or as Bruce Wayne and hope...? +How are you feeling, young man? Not that young. It's been a long time since you've called me that. +Not that young. It's been a long time since you've called me that. Old habits die hard. Are you alright? +Old habits die hard. Are you alright? As well as can be expected, I guess. Give me the bad news. +As well as can be expected, I guess. Give me the bad news. Dick has run away. They have taken Dr. Meridian. And I'm afraid they found the cave, sir. It's been destroyed. +I'm Batman? I remember my life as Bruce Wayne. But all this. It's like the life of a stranger. Perhaps the fall... +Perhaps the fall... There's one other thing. I feel.. +There's one other thing. I feel.. What? +What? ...Afraid. +...Afraid. Bruce. Son. Listen to me. You are a kind man. A strong man. But in truth you are not the most sane man. +Bruce. Son. Listen to me. You are a kind man. A strong man. But in truth you are not the most sane man. ...A bat. +...A bat. What? +What? I remember a bat. A monster. A demon. Chasing me. Oh my God, Alfred. +I remember a bat. A monster. A demon. Chasing me. Oh my God, Alfred. No demons, son. Your monsters are here. Until you fact that, I fear you will spend your life fleeing them. +Master, Bruce? ...Batman, Alfred. I'm Batman. +All the answers are numbers. But 1, 3, 1, 8, & 5. What do they mean? +But 1, 3, 1, 8, & 5. What do they mean? What do maniacs always want? +What do maniacs always want? Recognition, of course. +Recognition, of course. Precisely. So this number is probably some kind of calling card. +Letters in the alphabet. Of course. 13 is M....MRE. +Of course. 13 is M....MRE. How about, MR. E. +How about, MR. E. Mystery. +Mystery. And another name for Mystery? +And another name for Mystery? Enigma. +Enigma. Exactly. Mr. E. Mister Edward Nygma. +What now sir? Claw Island. Nygma's headquarters. I'm sure that's where they're keeping Chase. Are all the Batsuits destroyed? +Claw Island. Nygma's headquarters. I'm sure that's where they're keeping Chase. Are all the Batsuits destroyed? All except the prototype with the sonar modifications you so disapprove of. But it hasn't yet been tested. +All except the prototype with the sonar modifications you so disapprove of. But it hasn't yet been tested. Tonight's a good night. +Welcome, Master Grayson. I'm Alfred. How ya doin', Al? +How ya doin', Al? Al? +Al? Big house. How many rooms? +May I help you, Master Grayson? How come this is the only locked door around this museum? What's back there? +How come this is the only locked door around this museum? What's back there? Master Wayne's dead wives. +Up here, Al. Just checking, young sir. +Just checking, young sir. Four seconds from... +_Two_ million dollars waiting to be transferred from the _Second_ Bank of Gotham on the _22nd_ How could Harvey? _Two_-Face resist? And you are? +...dual personalities. Abnormal psychology. Washington's poster child for the criminally insane. I read your work. I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a super-hero's night table. You might have some interesting insights into Two-Face. +I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a super-hero's night table. You might have some interesting insights into Two-Face. Why's that? +Why's that? Let's just say I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent. +Let's just say I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent. Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian. +Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian. I didn't know that. See? You _are_ interesting. And call me Chase. By the way, do you have a first name? Or do I just call you bats? +He's home. I sent the signal. What's wrong? +What's wrong? Last night at the circus. I noticed something about Dent. His coin. He's obsessed with justice. It's his Achilles' heel. It can be exploited. +I wish I could say my interest in you was purely professional... Are you trying to get under my cape, Doctor? +Are you trying to get under my cape, Doctor? A girl cannot live by psychoses alone. +A girl cannot live by psychoses alone. It's the car, right? Chicks love the car. +It's the car, right? Chicks love the car. What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was guys with earrings. College, motorcycles and leather jackets. +Now black rubber. Try a fireman. Less to take off. +Try a fireman. Less to take off. I don't mind the work. Pity I can't see behind the mask. +We all wear masks. My life's an open book. You read? +My life's an open book. You read? I'm not the kind of guy who blends in at a family picnic. +I'm not the kind of guy who blends in at a family picnic. We could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring the scarred psyche. +We could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring the scarred psyche. You are direct, aren't you? +You are direct, aren't you? You like strong women. I've done my homework. Or do I need skin-tight vinyl and a whip? +I haven't had much luck with women... Maybe you just haven't met the right woman... +Help Chase. I'll be back. Did Two-Face call him Bruce? +Welcome to my parlor said the Riddler to the Bat. How's tricks? No more tricks, Edward. Release Chase and Dick. This is between you and me. +Death. Death. Without taste, sound and all around us. Because there is no way for me to save them or myself. This is one giant death trap. Excellent. See. Who says a guy in a rubber suit can't be smart? Well, it's been grand. Sorry you all have to die now. +Wait. I have a riddle for you. For _me_? Really? Tell me. +For _me_? Really? Tell me. I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I? +I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I? Oh please. You're blind as a bat. +Oh please. You're blind as a bat. Exactly! +Mr...? Bruce Wayne. In the flesh. +Bruce Wayne. In the flesh. Um...I'm pretty sure I'm Bruce Wayne. And you are? +Um...I'm pretty sure I'm Bruce Wayne. And you are? Nygma. Edward Nygma. You hired me. Personally. Just like I tell everyone. Well, we've never actually met, but your name was on the hire slip. +I'm gonna need that hand back, Ed. What? Ah yes. Of course. I'm sorry. It's just that...you're my idol. And some people have been trying to keep us apart. +What? Ah yes. Of course. I'm sorry. It's just that...you're my idol. And some people have been trying to keep us apart. Mr. Nygma, you'll forgive me for being rude. But what exactly is on your mind? +Mr. Nygma, you'll forgive me for being rude. But what exactly is on your mind? Precisely. What's on all our minds? Brainwaves. The future of Wayne Enterprises is Brainwaves! +Call my secretary, she'll set something up. Factory looks great, folks. Keep up the good work. Wait. You can't go. +Wait. You can't go. We'll talk some other - +We'll talk some other - No. Don't leave me! My invention! I need you! +So glad you could come. What? Oh, Edward. Hi. Congratulations. Great party- +What? Oh, Edward. Hi. Congratulations. Great party- The press were just wondering what it feels like to be outsold, outclassed, and generally outdone in every way... And what light through yonder window breaks? `Tis the east. And you are... +What? Oh, it's very impressive. Gracious even in defeat. How vaguely disappointing. When all this could have been ours together. +No grape could be more intoxicating than you, my dear. But we make due. To your charms. Skol. Nostrovia. +Nostrovia. La'chiem. +La'chiem. Slanta. +Slanta. Rinka. +Rinka. Banzai. +I notice you've sub-divided your B coupons. Feeling a little light on principle? Actually, I like to divest just before a major re-capitalization. +How can I help you, Mr. Wayne? Somebody's been sending me love letters. Commissioner Gordon thought you might give me your expert opinion. +Psychiatrists make you nervous? Just ones this beautiful. +Just ones this beautiful. The infamous Wayne charm. Does it ever shut off? +The infamous Wayne charm. Does it ever shut off? On occasion. Usually at night. +Still play with dolls, Doctor? She's a Malaysian dream warden. She stands sentry while you sleep and calms your dreams. Need one? +She's a Malaysian dream warden. She stands sentry while you sleep and calms your dreams. Need one? Me? No. Only things that need calming in my dreams are the Rockettes. +My opinion. This letter writer is a total wacko. Wacko? That a technical term? +Wacko? That a technical term? Patient apparently suffers from acute obsessional syndrome with potential homicidal styles. Work better for you? +Patient apparently suffers from acute obsessional syndrome with potential homicidal styles. Work better for you? So what you're saying, this guy's a total wacko, right? +So what you're saying, this guy's a total wacko, right? Exactly. +I think the question would be, do you have a thing for bats? So, this Riddler, he's dangerous? +So, this Riddler, he's dangerous? What do you know about obsession? +What do you know about obsession? Not much. +It's a stretch but I'll manage. The letter writer is obsessed with you. His only escape may be... +The letter writer is obsessed with you. His only escape may be... To kill me. +To kill me. You understand obsession better than you let on. +You understand obsession better than you let on. No insights here, doc. Just trying to get comfortable on your couch. Oops. Times up. +No insights here, doc. Just trying to get comfortable on your couch. Oops. Times up. That's usually my line. +That's usually my line. Look, I'd love to keep chatting- +Look, I'd love to keep chatting- Would you? I'm not so sure. +Would you? I'm not so sure. But I'm going to have to get you out of those clothes. +But I'm going to have to get you out of those clothes. Excuse me. +Excuse me. And into a black dress. +I'm surprised you aren't blind by now. I'm sorry. Who are you? +Like normal folks. What? This isn't normal? +That kid is amazing. I don't get you Bruce Wayne. +I don't get you Bruce Wayne. Me? I'm easy. Especially after a couple of martinis. +Me? I'm easy. Especially after a couple of martinis. The glib, cavalier routine, it really is an act, isn't it? +The glib, cavalier routine, it really is an act, isn't it? Don't believe it. I'm just skin deep. +Look, I'm rock climbing Sunday. How about coming along? Bruce, much to my surprise, you seem like a really great guy... +Bruce, much to my surprise, you seem like a really great guy... But... +But... Well, I met someone... +Well, I met someone... Fast work. You just moved here. +Fast work. You just moved here. You could say he kind of dropped out of the sky and bang-. I think he felt it too. +You could say he kind of dropped out of the sky and bang-. I think he felt it too. He sure did. +He sure did. What? +What? I said I'm sure he did. +The style of the letters I'm getting matches those found at the crime sites. Why would The Riddler be sending me riddles? Who's your decorator? U-Haul? Sorry. I haven't even had time to unpack. Instant coffee okay? +A lot of what happened is jagged. Pieces missing. I can't really remember. I just get flashes. Usually in my dreams. I'd kind of gotten used to them. At least accepted them.... And now.... +And now.... They've changed. The dreams, I mean. There's a new element I don't understand. A book. Black. Covered in leather.... +Find anything interesting? Why do I feel like the other man, here? +Why do I feel like the other man, here? Come on, Bruce. This is what I do for a living. +Come on, Bruce. This is what I do for a living. I'd say this goes a little beyond taking your work home. +I'd say this goes a little beyond taking your work home. What do you want me to say? That I'm not attracted to him? +Why do you do that? What? +What? Throw up that ridiculous superficial mask. If you're jealous... +Throw up that ridiculous superficial mask. If you're jealous... I'm not- +I'm not- You want me close but you won't let me near. What's the terrible, dark secret you're protecting everyone from? +In a sense we are all two people. The side we show in daylight. And that side we keep in shadow. Rage. Anger. Passion. Pain. +If I didn't know better, I'd say you were sulking. Keep me off the couch, Doc. Your fees are a little rich for me. +Keep me off the couch, Doc. Your fees are a little rich for me. Touchy, touchy. +Touchy, touchy. So how goes your `scholarly' pursuit of Batman? +So how goes your `scholarly' pursuit of Batman? Oh God, Bruce. You're still jealous. +Oh God, Bruce. You're still jealous. Spare me the diagnosis, okay? You're being ridiculous. I can't be jealous of Batman. Can I? +And the beast slouches towards Bethelem. Excuse me, boys. I'd hate to stop this testosterone flood on my account- +There's something I want to talk with you about. It's...Well, we.. I... Okay, tiger, take it slow. You going to give me your pin or something? +Your memories are repressed. They're trying to break through. Relax. Try to remember-. I don't want to remember! +I don't want to remember! Stop fighting. +My parents are laid out in the library. Their skin smells like talcum powder. I'm so small. My father's diary is on his desk like always. I'm opening the book. Reading. I'm running out into the storm. The book is in my hands. I can't hear my screams over the rain. I'm falling... What does it say? What hurts so much, Bruce? What does the book say? +What does it say? What hurts so much, Bruce? What does the book say? I don't-. +I don't-. You do know. Try. +The last entry read, Bruce insists on seeing a movie tonight. Bruce insists. I made them go out. I made them take me to the movie. To that theater... It was my fault. I killed them. Oh God, Bruce, you were a child. You weren't responsible. +Oh God, Bruce, you were a child. You weren't responsible. ...Not the bat? +...Not the bat? What? +What? I always thought it was the bat that scared me that night that changed my life. But it wasn't. The real fear was hiding underneath: what I read in the journal, that my parents' deaths were my fault. That's what I couldn't remember. That's the crime I've been paying for all these years. +I always thought it was the bat that scared me that night that changed my life. But it wasn't. The real fear was hiding underneath: what I read in the journal, that my parents' deaths were my fault. That's what I couldn't remember. That's the crime I've been paying for all these years. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Chase. There's something I need to tell you-- +Okay. I'm outta here. Excuse me. +Excuse me. I figure telling that cop I'd stay here saved me a truckload of social service interviews and good will. So no offense but thanks. See ya. +Where will you go? The circus is halfway to Metropolis by now. I got no place at the circus without my family. I'm going to get a fix on Two-Face. Then I'm going to kill him. +I got no place at the circus without my family. I'm going to get a fix on Two-Face. Then I'm going to kill him. Listen, Dick. Killing Two-Face won't take the pain away. It'll make it worse. +Listen, Dick. Killing Two-Face won't take the pain away. It'll make it worse. Look, spare me the sermons, okay. You're just some rich guy who is trying to do a good deed. You don't even know me. +I need to be part of this. Absolutely not. +Absolutely not. Me and my brother Chris were putting money aside so our folks could retire. Dad's knee was going. Chris was engaged, you know that? Two-Face took...everything. Now I can pay him back. +Me and my brother Chris were putting money aside so our folks could retire. Dad's knee was going. Chris was engaged, you know that? Two-Face took...everything. Now I can pay him back. What I do isn't about revenge. +Back off, man. You don't understand. It's an addiction. You fight night after night, trying to fill the emptiness. But the pain's back in the morning. And somewhere along the way it stops being a choice. I want better for you. +You don't understand. It's an addiction. You fight night after night, trying to fill the emptiness. But the pain's back in the morning. And somewhere along the way it stops being a choice. I want better for you. Save the sermons about how great you want my life to be, okay, Bruce? If it weren't for Batman my parents wouldn't be dead. You don't get it, do you? This is all your fault. +What the hell did you think you were doing? You have a real gratitude problem. You know that, Bruce? I need a name. Batboy? The Dark Earl? What's a good side kick name? +You have a real gratitude problem. You know that, Bruce? I need a name. Batboy? The Dark Earl? What's a good side kick name? How about Richard Grayson, college student? +How about Richard Grayson, college student? ...I missed Two-Face by a heartbeat. When we catch him, you gotta let me kill him! +...I missed Two-Face by a heartbeat. When we catch him, you gotta let me kill him! We don't kill. Killing is what damns you. It-. What am I talking about? This conversation is over. You're going away to school. +We don't kill. Killing is what damns you. It-. What am I talking about? This conversation is over. You're going away to school. I saved your life. You owe me. So either you let me be your partner or I'm going after Harvey on my own. +You can't-. Dick, let go. Revenge will eat you alive. Trust me. I know. +Dick, let go. Revenge will eat you alive. Trust me. I know. But what about all the good we can do? There are monsters out there. Gotham needs us. +But what about all the good we can do? There are monsters out there. Gotham needs us. And when you finally get Two-Face? +Exactly. And once you'd killed him you'd be lost. Like me. All this has to be a choice. Otherwise...it's a curse. Bruce, you can't. +Bruce, you can't. Chase is coming for dinner. Why don't you join us. +Chase? Of course you are. And what a grand pursuit you must be. What do you think of my new invention? +Edward... Who is it? +Who is it? It's Dr. Meridian. Chase. Do you remember me? +It's Dr. Meridian. Chase. Do you remember me? How could I forget? +How could I forget? Dr. Burton tells me you know who Batman is. +Dr. Burton tells me you know who Batman is. Yesssssss. I know! +Who is The Batman, Edward? Can't tell if you don't say please. +Can't tell if you don't say please. You're right, Edward. I didn't mean to be impolite. Please. +I really do apologize, Mr. Wayne. His project was terminated this morning... Let me ask you something, Bruce. What is man's greatest tool? +Why be brutalized by an uncaring world? My RES Box will give Joe Q Public a realm where he is king. Not that someone like you would need it. Someone so intelligent. Witty. Charming. But for the lonely, the... Paranoid? The psychotic? +Paranoid? The psychotic? ...The Box can change their lives. Our stock coupons will spike. +Hell. Might even bring old Stickley here a few extra bucks. Huh, Fred? Fred? +I'll show you it works. What the hell is going on here? +Yo. Charlie. Gimmie an order of brain deep-fry. Extra well done. Hold the neurons. Patient exhibits symptoms of psycho neural overload. Notation: obviously higher settings can be dangerous to the subject. Riddle me this, Fred. What is everything to someone and nothing to everyone else? Your mind of course. And now mine pumps with the power of yours. New from Brain-bok. Da pump. Think faster. Reason higher. Out-cog-nate every homey on the court of life. Da pump. Yeah. Ho! Mark. I sense an odd penchant for the anagramatic. The acrostic. The crypto-graphic. What doth this bode? Answer me Marcutio, you little runt. Fred, I must confess you were a wonderful appetizer. Simply divine. But now I yearn for a meal of substance. The main course. A wide and varied palette. Ah, to taste the mind of a hero. A nobleman. A poet. A chick in a short skirt wouldn't be so bad either. ...Fired...your fired...your fired. You understand?! Fired!! +...Fired...your fired...your fired. You understand?! Fired!! I don't think so. +_We_ sure are. ...You gonna kill me? +...You gonna kill me? Might. Might not. Could say we're of two minds on the subject. +Might. Might not. Could say we're of two minds on the subject. I got family. ...Please. +I got family. ...Please. What say we flip for it? +...or death. Please. I swear I won't say noth- +Please. I swear I won't say noth- The coin _wants_ to decide. +That floor has got to be very hard. Is that better? Uh, yeah. Thanks, Mr..uh...Face. +Uh, yeah. Thanks, Mr..uh...Face. Just call us Harvey. Can we get you a sandwich? A soft drink? Given all the trouble we caused you, how about we cut you in for a share of tonight's haul? +Wait! You said you'd let me go! Never heard of a double-cross? +How'd you find us? You _are_ Two-Face, you would need to face both rivers, both uptown and downtown simultaneously. Only one spot in Gotham serves these bi- zonal, bi-coastal needs... +You _are_ Two-Face, you would need to face both rivers, both uptown and downtown simultaneously. Only one spot in Gotham serves these bi- zonal, bi-coastal needs... Congratulations. You get to die on the dean's list. +Yet so bright and chipper and conservative! It's so you. And yet so _you_! Very few people are both a summer _and_ a winter. But you pull it off nicely. A man with a death wish. +A man with a death wish. Harvey. You need me. Since you've gotten out of Arkham, you've managed, what? To bungle stealing a safe? Wreck a statue? And, correct me if I'm wrong here, but weren't you outsmarted by an acned acrobat at the circus? +Harvey. You need me. Since you've gotten out of Arkham, you've managed, what? To bungle stealing a safe? Wreck a statue? And, correct me if I'm wrong here, but weren't you outsmarted by an acned acrobat at the circus? Let's see if you bleed green. +Holy shit. So not everyone can be a poet. Still, I respect the sentiment. +No. Wait... Addictive isn't it? Just Say No. Until I say yes. A little fringe benefit of working with me. Now here's the concept, counselor. Crime. My I.Q., your AK-47. You help me gather production capital so I can produce enough of these to create an empire that will eclipse Bruce Wayne's forever. And, in return I will help you solve the greatest riddle of all. Who is Batman? +Where are you sending Batboy this time? Here. Get a good seat. +Sure, E = MC squared. Until you factor in more than three dimensions. Then... Damn. Hit us again. Haven't you had enough? Don't Think And Drive. +Not until you do that thing I like. On se tue pour des mesnonges. J'ai gache ma vie... Woah. Harsh toke. Don't bogart that 'trode. +Oh my God. Jim Morrison was right. About what? +About what? Everything. +Why do we need you? You only come between us. We can be the smartest person in Gotham City. We want the empire for ourselves. Time's up, laughing boy. Kill me? Well, alright. Go ahead. Take the empire. All yours. Hell, Harv, old pals. I'll kill me for you. +Go ahead. You can say it. You're a genius. +We want to dust him. We truly want to dust him bad. Oh yes, and certainly _WE_ will! +A-14. Miss. +B-12. A miss. And my favorite vitamin, I might add. +A hit. You sunk my battleship. +How high up would you say that is? I'd say about thirty feet, sir. +I'd say about thirty feet, sir. You know, if you cut your bathroom in half, you'd have my apartment. +You know, if you cut your bathroom in half, you'd have my apartment. Which bathroom is that, sir? +Which bathroom is that, sir? The small one. +Yes? Alexander Knox. Gotham Globe. +Alexander Knox. Gotham Globe. Mr. Wayne is out for the day. +Mr. Wayne is out for the day. Actually, I wanted to talk to Batman. Pass that on to Mr. Wayne, would you? +Excuse me, sir. Commissioner Gordon was compelled to leave - -very unexpectedly. He asked me to convey his regrets. Thank you, Alfred. I hope you'll excuse me. It was a great pleasure meeting you. And you. +It's all right, Alfred. Everything's under control. ... Very good, sir. +Where's the boy? Upstairs. He's quite docile. +Upstairs. He's quite docile. I know the feeling. It won't last. He's a long way ahead of where I was at his age. +I know the feeling. It won't last. He's a long way ahead of where I was at his age. Respectfully, sir... there'll never be another one like you. +How long's it been, Alfred? A quarter of a century? It seems like yesterday. I guess we ended up doing more harm than good. Don't ever say that, sir. Don't ever believe it. +Don't ever say that, sir. Don't ever believe it. If not for you I never would've made it. You know that. My own parents couldn't have... ... The boy, Alfred. You'll both be provided for. Don't let all this got to waste. +Like your boyfriend. He's kinda hot. Take me. Let the boy go. +Take me. Let the boy go. Gosh, I could kill you, but then you'd miss my party. And you, Batman -- you're the guest of honor! +Gosh, I could kill you, but then you'd miss my party. And you, Batman -- you're the guest of honor! What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Batman! Don't you even recognize your old pal Jack? After all... ... You made me what I am today. +You know, we should've sat down and had us a little heart-to-heart. I bet we would have got on famously. ... Murderer... +... Murderer... Bruce, we're both murderers. Think how many people you've killed by letting me live. +GET IN THE CAR!! WHICH CAR? +Look! Police! I know. I called them. +I know. I called them. Shouldn't we -- +What about the girl? He won't kill her. -- GODDAMMIT! +Can't we -- Too many people. Come on! SHIELDS!! +How much do you weigh? ... A hundred and eight? +...Not even a 'thank you'? Well -- I think you might consider +I'll have to ask you for that film. I just wanted to distract them. I wasn't trying to get a picture of you. +Please. I won't let you have it. +The Joker is a murderer. And you were as good as dead. So -- Look, I appreciate what you did for me. But this is my job. And I'm keeping those pictures. +Look, I appreciate what you did for me. But this is my job. And I'm keeping those pictures. All right, I'll develop the photos. Anything I don't want is yours. +All right, I'll develop the photos. Anything I don't want is yours. How do I know you won't keep them all? +How do I know you won't keep them all? I'll take you with me. +Thank you, Vicki. ... Where are you taking me? +... How long have I been out? Quite a while. I took the scenic route. +Quite a while. I took the scenic route. Well, I've certainly enjoyed it. -- What's that? +What is this stuff? Kevlar? Better. It's not on the market yet. +Better. It's not on the market yet. It doesn't protect your head, though. +It doesn't protect your head, though. That's why I wear a target on my chest. +How'd you find this place? Exploring. In the woods. Many years ago. -- I was a solitary child. +They don't come down here. They're afraid of the lights. I loathe bats. +I loathe bats. So did I, once. But I kept coming back, and... I guess I became the thing I feared most. +What is that? Photo database. I'll do your photos now. +They've got it all wrong. They're watching the warehouses, the loading docks, looking for a tamperer. The Joker is supplying tainted ingredients at the source. That can't be right. That would mean every shipment of every product is poisoned. We'd all be dead. +That can't be right. That would mean every shipment of every product is poisoned. We'd all be dead. No. Every product contains one component. The elements react in combination. Hair spray won't do it. But hair spray and perfume and lipstick will. Untraceable. It's very elegant. +I just can't absorb it all. This place, the equipment. What it must have cost. Why all the secrecy? Why do you wear the mask? I don't want to jeopardize anyone close to me. +I don't want to jeopardize anyone close to me. If you don't mind my asking... Who's close to you? +Is this what you wanted? You could've killed him, you know. You could've killed the Joker. +You could've killed him, you know. You could've killed the Joker. I had to save you, Vicki. I -- -- Please trust me. +I assume in my usual charming manner I've just insulted the host. Alexander Knox. Bruce Wayne. -- I've read your work. I quite like it. +Bruce Wayne. -- I've read your work. I quite like it. Great. Give me a grant. +Great. Give me a grant. I might consider it if you introduce me to Miss Vale. +"""This is Miss Vale."" -- That felt redundant." You're just back from Corto Maltese. I saw your combat photos. Quite a departure for you. +That's how it is, chum. One column - and I can bring all this tumbling down. I can take you off the streets for good. What is it you want? +What is it you want? I want you to hang up the suit. And I want you to stay away from Vicki. +I want you to hang up the suit. And I want you to stay away from Vicki. I can't do that. Not while the Joker's still at large. +I can't do that. Not while the Joker's still at large. Then stay away from Vicki. That's all I want, man. I just want your word. +See, I don't know how it happened... she's a smart girl and you are an extraordinary screwed-up guy... but she's in love with you. Tell me, Knox. If you've got the story, why haven't you printed it? +Tell me, Knox. If you've got the story, why haven't you printed it? Because I... ... Because she'd never speak to me again. +Do you want a drink? Yeah, a drink. 'Civilized,' right? +Yeah, a drink. 'Civilized,' right? Alfred, bring something for Mr. Knox -- I'll have one, too. +I don't... seek publicity -- Will you be staying in Gotham for a while? As far as I know. +As far as I know. Good. With any luck we'll run into each other. +Do you sail? Too much work. I'm not really the physical type -- Thank you, Alfred. +Two drinks and I start swinging from the rooftops. Look, I bore myself silly. Let's talk about you. How the hell did you wind up in Corto Maltese? That's a tough one. Have you ever seen combat? +That's a tough one. Have you ever seen combat? No. +No. Neither had I. Odd desire for a woman, I guess. +Neither had I. Odd desire for a woman, I guess. Odd desire for anyone. +Odd desire for anyone. Well. A couple of years ago when their president was requesting aid I went down there for Newsweek. The beaches were nice. And at nights -- they had a band -- I danced on the hotel patio. Of course I never saw what was really happening there. When the war broke out I had to go back. And I promised myself that this time... I wouldn't look away. +Well. A couple of years ago when their president was requesting aid I went down there for Newsweek. The beaches were nice. And at nights -- they had a band -- I danced on the hotel patio. Of course I never saw what was really happening there. When the war broke out I had to go back. And I promised myself that this time... I wouldn't look away. What did you see? +What did you see? ... Terror. +There's terror everywhere. If you train yourself to look for it. Well, Bruce, some types are a little more obvious than others. +Bruce, really, when I say these things I don't mean to criticize you. In other words, what right do I have to talk about terror. +In other words, what right do I have to talk about terror. As much as I do. It's not that. I don't want to be depressing, that's all. +As much as I do. It's not that. I don't want to be depressing, that's all. I see. If I know how you really feel, I won't like you as much. +I'm sorry, Bruce, I Just can't seem to get a handle on this conversation. Vicki, if I say anything cryptic, or... ambiguous, I think you should put the most flattering possible interpretation on it. Because even if it doesn't sound that way... that's how I'll mean it. +But it's not fair. I'm half drunk and you're not even -- I'll take you home if you'd like. +I'll take you home if you'd like. God. You would. Come on, Bruce. I just want to get two drinks in you. As an experiment. +God. You would. Come on, Bruce. I just want to get two drinks in you. As an experiment. Maybe we should just kiss. +Maybe we should just kiss. ... We could try that. +I don't sing very well. Then there's one thing in the world you don't do very well. And I know what it is -- Now you'll have to kill me. +To tell you the truth, I'd just about given up waiting. I said I'd call you the minute I got free. And I did -- And here we are. +I said I'd call you the minute I got free. And I did -- And here we are. Mm-hmm. Lunch. Not even dinner. +All street mimes should be executed. ... Looks like a convention. +I know it's late. I -- Are you there? Yes, Bruce -- I'm here -- +Yes, Bruce -- I'm here -- I'm sorry I had to stand you up today. I'd like to make it up to you. +I'm sorry I had to stand you up today. I'd like to make it up to you. Well, Bruce -- I don't think -- that would be possible. +Well, Bruce -- I don't think -- that would be possible. I realize... the way things have gone between us... ... I wish you'd reconsider. +I realize... the way things have gone between us... ... I wish you'd reconsider. I wish you'd... +Vicki?... This is Batman. I thought I'd call and see how you're doing. ... I know it's you, Bruce. I'm not going to talk to you unless we can discuss it... +... I know it's you, Bruce. I'm not going to talk to you unless we can discuss it... Who's this 'Bruce'? Are you trying to make me jealous? +Who's this 'Bruce'? Are you trying to make me jealous? I'm serious, Bruce. We have to -- ! +So we just pretend none of this ever happened. We never met. We -- -- You're going to get yourself killed, Bruce. You know that, don't you? No one would miss me. +No one would miss me. I don't understand it. You can do so much good for people. As Bruce Wayne. +Money makes money, Vicki. The foundation runs itself -- I'm extraneous to the process. You're one man. You can't save everybody. +You're one man. You can't save everybody. What if I could save a handful? -- What if I could save one? +Bruce, at the rate you're going, you can't even save yourself. Sometimes... I don't know if there's enough of me left to save. +It's like the last time. He sent me a present before he -- Very thoughtful. Don't touch it. +Oh, Bruce. Don't tell me you carry it around with you. I feel naked without it. +"""It worked for Van Gogh. Let's kiss and make up.""" The does it. It's going to be this weekend. +Keep her on the line! ... Where are you calling from? +I'm sorry, she hung up. What are -- Finding out where she is. +Finding out where she is. How can you do that if she's already off the line? +How can you do that if she's already off the line? I've had an automatic tracer on this number ever since he tracked you to the museum. +Got it! What now? +What now? Hang on. I have to leave a message. +All this apparatus, Vicki... This house, and the money, and the power ... It was never mine. It was something I inherited. Bruce Wayne was something I inherited. All I ever hoped for was someone who could see through Bruce -- who could see me -- and not be frightened. I'm frightened of you, Bruce. I'm frightened for you. +I'm frightened of you, Bruce. I'm frightened for you. In all these years... Why couldn't I see how it wold turn out? +I don't know why I'm doing this. I half wish you'd stay a cripple. Ohhhh... You don't mean that. +Ohhhh... You don't mean that. I don't, but... I do. It's just... I love you, Bruce. I don't want you to... +I don't, but... I do. It's just... I love you, Bruce. I don't want you to... Vicki. Do you love half of me? Or all of me? +We'll raid the Ace the moment we get a warrant. He'll be ready when you do. Remember what happened at the apartment. +He'll be ready when you do. Remember what happened at the apartment. All right, Bruce, what do you suggest? +All right, Bruce, what do you suggest? I suggest a nice big bomb. +I suggest a nice big bomb. Good. A bomb. On a blind tip from Bruce Wayne -- We do have laws. +Good. A bomb. On a blind tip from Bruce Wayne -- We do have laws. Then for God's sake, Harvey, cancel the anniversary celebration. +Then for God's sake, Harvey, cancel the anniversary celebration. We've told him we'll deal. What could he possible have to gain by -- +We've told him we'll deal. What could he possible have to gain by -- Do you still think the Joker cares about money?? +Do you still think the Joker cares about money?? I don't know. I'm just a D.A. I don't have access to all you expert sources. +We got 'em! Take 'em! I want his head! +SOMEBODY'S KILLED THE POWER!! WHAT? +WHAT? SOMEBODY'S KILLED THE -- +SOMEBODY'S KILLED THE -- WHAT?? +Boss! Jesus! They've -- They'll be sorry. They'll be sorry. MOVE OUT! +MOVE! Can't you do something?? It's a detour. They're backed up for blocks! +I missed you, Lieutenant. Sorry. We had another bat sighting. +Sorry. We had another bat sighting. Don't let your job interfere with your business. -- Someone's been talking to Harvey Dent. +I'm on top of it. If there's a problem -- Eckhardt... our problems are your problems. +I answer to Grissom, punk. Not to you. Why, Eckhardt. You should be thinking about the future. +Got it all figured, huh? Grissom just sits back and hands you the reins. -- Maybe he don't know what we know. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? About how pretty you are, pretty boy. Maybe he'd like to know -- +Let's beat it, man. I don't like it up here. What are you, scared of heights? +What are you, scared of heights? I dunno, man. After what happened to Johnny Gobs - - +I dunno, man. After what happened to Johnny Gobs - - Look, Johnny Gobs got ripped and walked off a roof, all right? No big loss. +Look, Johnny Gobs got ripped and walked off a roof, all right? No big loss. That ain't what I heard. That ain't what I heard at all. I heard the bat got him. +That ain't what I heard. That ain't what I heard at all. I heard the bat got him. Gimme a break, will you? Shut up. +Gimme a break, will you? Shut up. Five stories, straight down. There was no blood in the body. +Five stories, straight down. There was no blood in the body. No shit. It was all over the pavement. +There was no blood, man. My brother says... all the bad things you done... they come back and haunt you... God! How old are you? There ain't no bat. +My brother's a priest, man. No wonder you're such a chickenshit. Now shut up. There ain't no bat. +You shouldn'ta turned the gun on that kid, man. You shouldn'ta -- Do you want this money or don't you? Now shut up! Shut up -- +"Okay, a break-in. Trash the office, make off with the books ... ""Industrial espionage.""" Very good idea, Jack. In fact -- -- I'd like you to handle this operation personally. +Why do you need me to handle a simple break-in? Because I want someone I can trust. +I understand. Oh, Jack. -- Don't forget your lucky deck. +"It's me. ""Sugar Bumps.""" Jack? Thank God. I can't believe it's you. I heard you'd been -- +Jack? Thank God. I can't believe it's you. I heard you'd been -- "Is that what you ""heard""?" +It's not the girl, Jack. Sooner or later you would've tried to take me. You may get me now, but your life won't be worth a dime. I've died once already. It wasn't so bad -- In fact I recommend it. +Jack, listen -- we'll cut a deal -- JACK? JACK? DO I LOOK LIKE A JACK? +Jack - - please - - WIPE THAT LUNATIC GRIN OFF YOUR FACE. HA! That's the best part. I CAN'T!! +I don't like taking orders from Grissom. And I especially don't like taking orders from Grissom's goon. I've considered that possibility. +I've considered that possibility. And what happens if we say no? +And what happens if we say no? Nobody wants a war, Carmine. If we can't do business, we shake hands and part friends. +Nobody wants a war, Carmine. If we can't do business, we shake hands and part friends. That's it? +That's it? That's it. +Joker here. Can we talk? I'd like to read a prepared statement. 'While this administration remains vehemently opposed to terrorism in any form, we are prepared to negotiate any reasonable demands which will guarantee the safety of the populace.' +I'd like to read a prepared statement. 'While this administration remains vehemently opposed to terrorism in any form, we are prepared to negotiate any reasonable demands which will guarantee the safety of the populace.' Huh. Demands. Well, gents, this is kinda embarrassing, but... I'm having such a swell time, I just haven't thought any up. +All right, then. Here's the deal. Total amnesty... and the sum of ten million dollars, payable in -- Ten million dollars. Ten mi -- YOU CHEAPSKATES! I've just wiped out the stock market. I've cost you billions! I want ten million and one. +Ten million dollars. Ten mi -- YOU CHEAPSKATES! I've just wiped out the stock market. I've cost you billions! I want ten million and one. Please! We'll talk. Just tell us what you expect. +Please! We'll talk. Just tell us what you expect. Goddammit, I expect to be treated like and ARTIST. GET OFF MY SCREEN!! +... Thank you. Unfortunate, but I think we can work around it. +And you want a -- A visual record, yes. A before-and- after kind of thing. This could make your reputation. +Maybe we should start with a portrait of the artist. People might like to see the face behind the makeup. ... Behind the makeup? +I've seen worse. Much worse. Strong stomach, huh? I like that in a woman -- Maybe we can do business after all. +... Why the mask? Alicia! Come here, have a seat. Show Miss Vale why you wear the mask. +You SCUM! You SICK FILTH!... You DID THAT to her! What? I improved her a little... +I'll see you burn. I'll see you dead -- GET AWAY FROM ME!! Miss Vale, was it something I said? Do you want to sniff my flower? +How'd you know it was me? Honey - - I would know any randomly selected square inch of Vicki Vale. If I had a good enough hint. +Burned out. I need a vacation. Too much glamor, huh. What's in the bag - - Monte Carlo? Apes in Kenya? +God, Vick, a girl could get hurt doing this. A girl could get killed - - so they tell me. What's new and hot in Gotham City? +A girl could get killed - - so they tell me. What's new and hot in Gotham City? Oh, it's too good. We got a six-foot bat that swoops out of the night and preys on evildoers. +Oh, it's too good. We got a six-foot bat that swoops out of the night and preys on evildoers. Evildoers, huh? Big or small? +Evildoers, huh? Big or small? Small so far. I think he's leaving the big fish for Harvey Dent. +Small so far. I think he's leaving the big fish for Harvey Dent. Our next D.A. -- I hear Bruce Wayne is throwing a fundraiser. Did you get your invitation yet? +Our next D.A. -- I hear Bruce Wayne is throwing a fundraiser. Did you get your invitation yet? Oh, absolutely. Bruce and I are very close. +No. Well, I'm starving. Will you at least buy me a hamburger? +Man, I feel like Robin Leach. You actually know all these people? Some. I am a rich bitch, remember? I'm quoting. +Where does one man get all this junk? All aver the world. They say he's spent half of his life overseas. +All aver the world. They say he's spent half of his life overseas. Holy shit... +Rich. Reclusive. Bankrolls half a dozen charities. Likes to kill? KNOX Women find him magnetic. +Likes to kill? KNOX Women find him magnetic. I bet they like him for his big charity balls. +I bet they like him for his big charity balls. That, and the sweet smell of two hundred million bucks. +That, and the sweet smell of two hundred million bucks. Well, you know me. The more they've got, the less they're worth. This guy must be the most worthless man in America. +Oh. Sorry. I was thinking. What were you thinking? +What were you thinking? Yum, yum. +Yum, yum. Well, he must like the way he looks. He's got a mirror in every room. +Guess who's got a date with Bruce Wayne? Bruce Wayne? Date? He called you up and asked you for a date? Shit. HEY, MIRANDA! C'MERE! Now pay close attention to this. Miranda -- tell my friend here what you told me about Bruce Wayne. +Peanuts? Yeah. Peanuts. Which is how he goes through women. +Plain or roasted? Alex, I'm very flattered that you've gone out and done all this research. Why? Aw, come on, Vicki, I'm a reporter. I'm curious. I do this for a living. There's a phone. You can call him up and cancel. +Nice snap, huh? Pulitzer Prize, 1963. His face. Allie, look at his face. +Yep. He watched the whole thing happen - - Recognize the beat cop? Jim Gordon Oh, Bruce... +Oh, Bruce... Something like this -- what do you suppose this could drive a guy to? +You are on drugs. Yeah? According to this, he's in Geneva from '76 to '79. Well, I called Geneva. Nobody there's even heard of the guy - - Probably off in Tibet with some kung fu master. +Yeah? According to this, he's in Geneva from '76 to '79. Well, I called Geneva. Nobody there's even heard of the guy - - Probably off in Tibet with some kung fu master. Are they paying you for all this? +Are they paying you for all this? Everybody needs a hobby. You explain it, Vicki. He walks out on his own party. Half an hour later, who turns up? Batman. Sees an execution, freaks out in an alleyway. No place to change. +Everybody needs a hobby. You explain it, Vicki. He walks out on his own party. Half an hour later, who turns up? Batman. Sees an execution, freaks out in an alleyway. No place to change. Allie, I know exactly why you're doing this. +Allie, I know exactly why you're doing this. ... Oh? Why is that, Vicki? +He's best friends with Jim Gordon and Harvey Dent. They would know. ... Okay, then, I have a confession to make. I'm the Batman. +Alexander... I know you. Right. And they know him. And that's why it would never occur to them for a minute that their old buddy Bruce puts on a cape at night and goes out looking for -- +Right. And they know him. And that's why it would never occur to them for a minute that their old buddy Bruce puts on a cape at night and goes out looking for -- I've had it with you. I'm leaving. +I've had it with you. I'm leaving. Bruce Wayne is out of his mind. Next time you call him up and he can't go out Friday night - - think it over. +The guy's bats all right. He's bat shit crazy. He -- -- I can't believe it. I was right!! Allie, he's not. +Allie, he's not. Not what? +Not what? He's not crazy. +Vicki. We got a wealthy millionaire here... who dresses up like a bat. He goes out at night and swings around -- in his cape -- on a rope. CRAZY BAT-STARD! Allie... he wants to tell me. I had a roll of film. His face was on it. He knew that -- And he let me keep. +Allie... he wants to tell me. I had a roll of film. His face was on it. He knew that -- And he let me keep. Jesus, Vicki! Where is it?? +Jesus, Vicki! Where is it?? It's gone. +Couldn't turn down the job, huh? A girl could get hurt this way. Yeah. Deja vu. +Yeah. Deja vu. What do you say? Let's head for the lights. +LOOK! IT'S BRUCE!! Allies -- the balloons. We've got to find some way to tell him! Great. How?? +HOLY SHIT!! You okay? +You okay? Yeah. Yeah. Little winded. DID YOU SEE THAT?! +Yeah. Yeah. Little winded. DID YOU SEE THAT?! God yes, Allie. I've gotta say -- that was the ballsiest move I ever... +God yes, Allie. I've gotta say -- that was the ballsiest move I ever... Holy shit. Holy... +Ahm, well, you know ~ that's a tough question - on one' level I think it .... Don't ask him about work, Charlie. Life's too short. +Jennifer can stay and look after Kevin Sounds great. Excellent. Though-, Ahm... there's this guy who's coming to work at the Gallery, from England... +Sounds great. Excellent. Though-, Ahm... there's this guy who's coming to work at the Gallery, from England... Yeeees? +Yeeees? And they asked me if we'd like to ... you know... put him up for a while. +And they asked me if we'd like to ... you know... put him up for a while. There aren't hotels? +There aren't hotels? Yes, there are hotels. They just thought maybe it'd be nice for him to stay with a real American family. Popcorn, waffles, all that stuff. +Yes, there are hotels. They just thought maybe it'd be nice for him to stay with a real American family. Popcorn, waffles, all that stuff. And what did you say? +And what did you say? I said I'd check with you. +Do we know anything about him? Ahm - he's male. He's English. He's a doctor of er ... at least 2 things. I think they would have mentioned if he was a blind dwarf. Or one of those guys who kills lots of people all the time. I think we're looking at someone moderately normal here. +Ahm - he's male. He's English. He's a doctor of er ... at least 2 things. I think they would have mentioned if he was a blind dwarf. Or one of those guys who kills lots of people all the time. I think we're looking at someone moderately normal here. David - are you ever going to learn to say 'no'? +David - are you ever going to learn to say 'no'? Yes. Yes. Sometime. +It's the last thing we need. "That's exactly what I said ... before I said - Great, it's a sensational idea.""" +Scottish. Tom Jones? +Well, they're kind of busy but it doesn't look like ... Did you really ask? +Did you really ask? I'm not sure I got the right person but they were a bit busy ... +I'm not sure I got the right person but they were a bit busy ... What's wrong with you, David? All you have to do is say, Excuse me, I've been sitting here since the start of the Millennium and I'd really like some action from you before the end of the world. I'll go. +It isn't working any more, David. I know - I'11 take it in to George tomorrow'- he'll fix it. Stupid thing. +Jesus. I need some time, David. A little time. It's not just you. It's partly me. +Go ahead. I had the last strawberry in the refrigerator. +There were three strawberries. One. +Liar. 0h Ali we can work this thing out, you know. +Ali? What's wrong? Your face smells like a foot. +Shut up, Kevin. Honey, you-re not making sense ... It's okay. There's no one out here. Just open the door. Trust me. +Okay. It's not a problem... Let's just sit ... I'11 talk to the gallery ... David, I'm serious! +David, I'm serious! I know you are. Very serious ... most of the time these days. +I know you are. Very serious ... most of the time these days. Now what does that mean? My daughter wakes up with a strange man in her bed, and I'm supposed to think it's amusing? That tie's God-awful. Why do you wear it? +Hi, Hi..... Roses. +Hi..... Roses. "Yes. And I have a wine for dinner that will kill you." +"Yes. And I have a wine for dinner that will kill you." Great. You said you'd ask Grierson about putting our guest somewhere else. Did you? +Great. You said you'd ask Grierson about putting our guest somewhere else. Did you? Sort of half..... +Sort of half..... Meaning? +Meaning? I was sort of half way through the sentence in which I would have asked him when it suddenly seemed like a mistake. +I was sort of half way through the sentence in which I would have asked him when it suddenly seemed like a mistake. Honestly David, you're so spineless. +At least you didn't bring Mr Bean with you. Ah, well .... CUT TO: +0 my god. Sorry, honey - he just happened to tag along. +Sorry, honey - he just happened to tag along. Nothing ever really changes, does it, David? +Let's get a coffee. Yes. Great. Kevin, I'11 send Bean in to keep you company. +Everything's gonna be fine. About Charles... +shhh... It was nothing. We're not ... He just makes me laugh. When was the last time we laughed? Any of us? +It was nothing. We're not ... He just makes me laugh. When was the last time we laughed? Any of us? I know... I know. I've been an arsehole of spectacular proportions. Olympic standard. +Maybe I ought to think about getting another job. Good idea - with a boss who's a really ugly son-of-a-bitch. +Here, let me do that. No, I'm fine. +He's not too bad. I can live with him. I'm afraid you don't know the half of it. Sit down. I have a tale to tell. And not a happy one. +Two dollars please. Annie, it's me. +Annie, it's me. Oh, right, yeah. two dollars please. +Oh, right, yeah. two dollars please. No, Annie, no. This is Doctor Bean. He's going to be working with us. +He doesn't like to say much does he? Right first time. +Right first time. I can understand THAT. Neither do I. +Excuse me. Mr Grierson called down. He's ready to see you upstairs. Thanks, Annie. +Goodnight Annie. Night. +Big day today, huh? 78 Uh ... yes ... +David. There's a call for you. It's your wife. Great. Classic timing. Why don't you ask her just to leave a date for the divorce? I'll check my diary later. +Ah, Mr Bean ... Excuse me. +Better go. Grierson hates people being late. Yes. Ahm... think I'11 ... +Seems to be a problem with the door. Where's the picture gone? Ahm..... +Ahm..... What? What? +Oh Jesus. Oh God. Oh Jesus God. Oh Mary Mother of Jesus. Oh Jesus of Nazareth. oh dear. +oh dear. What happened?!!! +What happened?!!! Ahm.... . +Oh yes. Whistler was a great painter, but he wasn't a great chooser of paints .... +It wasn't a dream, was it. I have to go in to work and tell them Whistler's Mother now looks like Danny De Vito. Well, Ahm.... +It's very good Bernie. But the particular glory of the system... is that it can also work oh large screens in each individual room - so we can network the program to every room in the gallery. +I was hoping DU. Bean might take a look at my computer project today. Yes. I'11 mention it to him. But ... he's kind of his own guy, you know? +Yes. I'11 mention it to him. But ... he's kind of his own guy, you know? Howls he getting on with the family? +Howls he getting on with the family? Ah. Fine. It's good. It's great. +And howls Alison? She's ... well, she's good. +She's ... well, she's good. Saw her at the movies the other night with that boss of hers. Nice guy. Good looking. +Saw her at the movies the other night with that boss of hers. Nice guy. Good looking. Yes, isn't he. +Yes, isn't he. It's great when people who work together can become real friends. +It's great when people who work together can become real friends. Isn't it? +Look, I've left Bean on his own. Nice to chat though Bernie - always a subtle joy. Thanks, David. Always a pleasure. +'Emergency measures, in your book means sack people right? Not necessarily. That's where this ... comes in. No, I've had a better idea than sacking people. You'll hear soon enough. +Great day. At last we can start getting out of debt and concentrating on the future. Yes, look, I wanted to talk to you about this. I'm sure we haven't been doing as badly as all that. +Yes, look, I wanted to talk to you about this. I'm sure we haven't been doing as badly as all that. You're an innocent and an optimist David - that's why I love you. . Jesus - what a terrible tie- Come on, the Governor's coming at 3. And before then I have a little surprise for you and the Boss. +Everything okay, David? Yes. Ahm. I was just wondering where my English house guest had got to. +Yes. Ahm. I was just wondering where my English house guest had got to. He's just parking the Governor's car. +He's just parking the Governor's car. Great - keep him out of trouble. +Look at all this - publicity expenditure ... catering ... all completely fictional ... back as far as June 93 ... I don't think you really understand what you're looking at ... +Lord Walton assures me this guy's one of the very top scholars in the English art world. Has a couple of doctorates no less. Great news. +So ... I'm wondering if one of you would have this guy stay in your home instead of some expensive hotel. Love to, sir, but no can do. No spare room. Period. +Love to, sir, but no can do. No spare room. Period. David? +We'll be able to start this afternoon. I'11 pipe the guide to every video screen in the gallery. Now, that'll impress the Governor. Well, bravo! What with you and Whistler's Ma - I think I've got a winning team. +What a pleasure, Governor Reynolds. I'd like you to meet some of our staff here. . And that's where you introduce me to the Governor. +And that's where you introduce me to the Governor. Right. Got it. +This is Elmer, our longest serving... Hey. Let's junk the medals, Elmer. This is not a Veterans' reunion. We wanna make the Governor feel at home. Not remind him of piles of dead people wearing uniforms. +Okay, that'll do. The Governor's here in half an hour. We have to be totally ready then. No excuses. Period! Thank you Bernie. Well done. Now, If you'll excuse - I have a little smartening up to do myself. +He's a man with a plan who will haul us into profitability and the 21st century. Thank you, sir. Although, I'm afraid I don't quite see how we can ... +Thank you, sir. Although, I'm afraid I don't quite see how we can ... Good point Bernie - precisely the kind of perceptive interjection I'd expect from my new V.P. How can we, you ask, survive without Whistler's Mother - our single greatest asset? Well, the truth is - we can't. So what am I saying? Will we find her again? Never - this robber was clearly the work of a criminal of great genius. +Say that again, son. I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? I said say that again, son - because the next time you do, I'll make sure you're in there with my daughter, but in a slightly less healthy state and she's in a coma with a broken arm right now. +I said say that again, son - because the next time you do, I'll make sure you're in there with my daughter, but in a slightly less healthy state and she's in a coma with a broken arm right now. I'm er ... sorry if you've been waiting a long time. +I'm er ... sorry if you've been waiting a long time. We have. In fact, we've been sitting here since the start of the Millennium and I'd really like some action from you before the end of the world. +So, why not haul your ... nice little ass into this room and explain to me and my wife why our precious daughter is going to be absolutely fine because of all the fantastic intelligence and attention you are going to give her case. Okay, sir. Certainly. Good. +Oh, look, I mean, it's kind of the last thing... I mean, I'd really like to, but... things at home are kind of sensitive, so I couldn't really er ... I thought perhaps as Vice-President, and in view of the unfortunate attendance's for the summer show this year... the MASSIVE financial LOSS ... +I thought perhaps as Vice-President, and in view of the unfortunate attendance's for the summer show this year... the MASSIVE financial LOSS ... on the other hand ... maybe a breath of fresh air is just what my family needs ... Yes. Great news. Fabulous. Triumphant. Course it might need a little smoothing over. When's he due? +Tomorrow. You have a problem with that? No. Perfect. Looking forward to it. CUT TO: +Ah, David. Finally. And this must be our professor from across the sea. Yes, this is Doctor Bean. +Ah... He certainly has something, sir. Very pleased you've taken him in, David. At a time when no-one's job is safe, it really identifies you as a team player. +Very pleased you've taken him in, David. At a time when no-one's job is safe, it really identifies you as a team player. Yes, although, I really..... thank you. Yes, it's great to have him with us. The whole family's very excited. +Yes, although, I really..... thank you. Yes, it's great to have him with us. The whole family's very excited. Glad to hear it. Tell poor Mr Larson to come through, will you? +Glad to hear it. Tell poor Mr Larson to come through, will you? You're not going to .... +You're not going to .... Sack him? David, what else can I do? This business is not, repeat, not breaking even. And David ... notice anything this morning? +No! Er ... pray tell me why? +The thing is, sir, I've just been giving the painting a very thorough inspection, with the help of Dr Bean here - and we feel the time's come for Whistler's Mum to have her first face-lift. Time taken its toll on the old girl, eh? +Time taken its toll on the old girl, eh? Exactly. She's in a surprisingly terrible state. Isn't she, Bean? +Thank you David. However, flattery will get you nowhere. Truth is, I have a rather different plan for Whistler's dear Mama. Bernie and I have been inspecting our books - and the long and short of it is, we cannot survive with our current losses, so ... ... you have to sack me. I understand, sir. I'll go quietly. In fact I'll go right now. +... you have to sack me. I understand, sir. I'll go quietly. In fact I'll go right now. No. no, no, hold on ... We cant sustain our loses - so I've decided.. to sell Whistler's Mother. +Brilliant, huh? I already have a prospective buyer - the current Governor of California, no less, who is flies in tomorrow to inspect her and clinch the deal. Spread the news. I think decisive leadership has done the trick, don't you? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Congratulations. Marvellous thing. Bravo. +I think you're wrong, David. She looks as fine as she's ever looked. Worth every cent of the 10 million dollar-s. Ahm.... +Ahm.... Bravo. Let's put on a good show tomorrow, shall we? Don't want anything to go wrong. +Bravo. Let's put on a good show tomorrow, shall we? Don't want anything to go wrong. Quite right, sir. +Well, congratulations. Isn't that great, David? Certainly is. +David, David, David ... I'm fired? Because I let a... copy of a painting the get stolen? +I'm fired? Because I let a... copy of a painting the get stolen? Of course not. I'm sacking you for neglectful conduct, relating to the heavy financial loss this gallery has incurred, through your recent lack of professional judgement. A loss I trust Bernie will be able to reverse. +I owe you a very serious apology, young man. It wouldn't surprise me if you wanted to leave us after this. I sincerely hope that you do not. VERY ACCOMMODATING Well, no, sir, I'm sure ... +Of course. And a car. +And a car. Mmmmm... +Maybe two cars. A car sounds sensible. +A car sounds sensible. And I need Fridays off, to spend more time with my family. Speaking of which - if you'll excuse me .... I've got a lot of time to make up. +Oh come on - the guy's going to be a creep. All Englishmen are ugly. What makes you say that? +What makes you say that? All the guys they claim are English to and good-looking like Dan Day- Lewis and Liam Neeson, turn out to be Irish. Even Anthony Hopkins is welsh. Prince Charles is so ugly they pay him two million bucks a year to stay indoors. +All the guys they claim are English to and good-looking like Dan Day- Lewis and Liam Neeson, turn out to be Irish. Even Anthony Hopkins is welsh. Prince Charles is so ugly they pay him two million bucks a year to stay indoors. Richard Burton was very good-looking. +Richard Burton was very good-looking. Welsh. +Welsh. Sean Connery. +Welsh again. Okay, so the guy's gonna look like Meatloaf's backside. No-one's asking you to go to bed with him. +Honey, calm down now... it's okay... There's a man. I woke up next to a man ... +Jen - you don't wanna talk about it? It's you and Mom that need to talk. +It's you and Mom that need to talk. Sure. You're right. +Bye, Dad. Ah ... Jennifer, I need you to watch Kevin. Jen? +As you can see, security's pretty tight in this section. Nobody gets past Elmer here. Isn't that right? Not in one piece anyway. I see Mrs Whistler as kind of ... like my own dear mother. I'd kill any man that tried to interfere with her. The Vice President here will vouch for that. +You've known me five years Elmer. When do you get to calling me David? "Not my place, sir. It would only be a matter of time before I'm calling you Dave. Then where would we be? By next year, you're my Sweety-Pie"" and I'm ""Coochie-Coo"". I'11 be back in 15." +You arrange those flowers yourself? Sure did. +Sure did. They're pretty. Learn it in the army? +They're pretty. Learn it in the army? No - but when you've torn out a man's throat with your bare hands, you learn to appreciate the beautiful things in life. +Hiya Dad ~ I'll need you upstairs for homework in about .... oh, 20 minutes. Great, good. +Who do you think is the ugliest guy who ever lived. Well, Michael Bolton's pretty grisly. +Well, Michael Bolton's pretty grisly. I vote for Bart. +He was incredible. This guy is fearless. He has no fear. That's one - way of looking at it. You might also say this guy is brainless he has no brain'. +That's one - way of looking at it. You might also say this guy is brainless he has no brain'. Well, there is that ... +Well, there is that ... I'11 give you a chance... Know anything about computers? +Hey, En, nice bike'- but remember: any kids you have are gonna look just like its handsome driver. Jennifer! This is not - repeat, not! how we do things in this family. I've told you never to get on one of those death traps! Please - talk to me. I promise to be reasonable. +Is Jenny gonna be okay? She was wearing a helmet. It could have been worse. +She was wearing a helmet. It could have been worse. But is she gonna be okay? +But is she gonna be okay? How the hell should I know? +... in the distant future. Bye, Bean. Thanks for everything. And take care, huh? I know it's insane, but I'm going to miss you. +Doctor Jacobson? Yes? +Yes? We need you urgently in C Theatre. +We need you urgently in C Theatre. Damn. I was just going to Number 4 .... +Damn. I was just going to Number 4 .... It is urgent, sir. +It is urgent, sir. Okay..... +what a pleasure, Governor. Welcome. Hi, Grierson, forgive the war paint. Going on To my regiment/s reunion after. +Hi, Grierson, forgive the war paint. Going on To my regiment/s reunion after. Not at all, Governor. Very striking. +Interesting suit. Why thank you sir. +Why thank you sir. off the peg? +off the peg? Yes it is ... may I introduce you To Bern ... +I've known soldiers who've had their heads blown off who were more intelligent than you two. Not only have you failed to protect your most valuable possession from theft - but you didn't even know it'd been stolen! I'd sooner buy heroin from the guy who sells drugs outside my grandson's school than anything from you guys. I am sorry you feel that way. +I am sorry you feel that way. And I'm sorry you look that way, short-ass. That suit stinks and you obviously dye your hair. +Shut up, Kevin. NO, seriously - I know he's your boyfriend, but there's something about his upper lip that is so weird. What do you think it is, Dad? Jen says it's a moustache, I say it's a cluster of about 11 mosquitoes, resting. +NO, seriously - I know he's your boyfriend, but there's something about his upper lip that is so weird. What do you think it is, Dad? Jen says it's a moustache, I say it's a cluster of about 11 mosquitoes, resting. You know the thing I hate most about children? +You know the thing I hate most about children? Nope. +Nope. You. +"I wish I could use that at school. ""Hey, Teach, no hard feelings ... It's just things between us ain't what they used to be and I need a little space, ya know? So I'11 see you around in a couple of years, maybe""." It's a kind of an interesting swap. Mom for the Man from Ga Ga. +You know, Mr. Bean's okay. You're not gonna kick him out, are you, Dad? Of course he is. +Of course he is. Are you? +Come on Sting! Sting?! Sounds like something you put on a rash. +Dammit, Beavis, I was about to score. Huh huh. Yeah, but check it out. It's gone! +Yeah, but check it out. It's gone! What's gone? +What's gone? The TV. +Whoa! I think I just figured something out Beavis. What? +What? This sucks. +This sucks. Yeah, heh heh. +Huh huh huh. That was cool. Yeah, heh heh. Let's just wheel this thing back to the house. +"Huh huh huh. He said ""anus.""" Entert-ain...us...an-us...Oh yeah! Heh heh. Anus. Heh heh. +What a dork. Huh huh. Yeah, heh heh. He's a anus. Heh heh. +Huh huh huh. That was cool. No it wasn't! +No it wasn't! Uh,...Oh yeah. +Whoa, check it out Beavis. I didn't know Anderson had a Camper. Yeah, heh heh. Maybe it has a TV. Heh heh. TV. +Nnnnooo. Oooooh nooooo. What's your problem Beavis? +What's your problem Beavis? I need TV now! Now! NNNNDAMMIT!!! +Huh huh huh. That was cool. Dammit! I need a TV now! We're missing everything! +Actually, we just wanna watch TV... Shut up Beavis! Uh, yeah. We'll do your wife. +Shut up Beavis! Uh, yeah. We'll do your wife. Nnnnaah...We need to watch TV DAMMIT!!! +Beavis, you butt-munch, this guy wants us to score with his wife. And he's gonna pay us. We can buy a new TV. Oh, heh heh really? Cool. Heh heh. +Oh, heh heh really? Cool. Heh heh. Uh, huh huh... We'll do it, sir. +We're gonna get paid to score. Yeah, heh heh, and then we're gonna get a big-screen TV! Heh heh. +Yeah, heh heh, and then we're gonna get a big-screen TV! Heh heh. Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives. Huh huh huh. +Wait, I wanted her to do it. Huh huh. Soon, she will be mine. +Dammit! Huh huh. That chick wants me. Aggghg! We're gonna die! We're all gonna die! +Uh, huh huh, this is Las Vegas? Yeah, heh heh. I thought there'd be casinos and lights and stuff. +Hey Butt-Head, why's that guy holding a sign? Uh... maybe he's blind... Huh huh, check this out. +Uh, B...A...U... No, uh, V... Uh... Buuuuut. Boot. Someone named boot. +Uh... Buuuuut. Boot. Someone named boot. Huh huh. This says Beavis. +Huh huh. This says Beavis. And Boot-Head. +And Boot-Head. That's Butt-Head. Don't you get it, Beavis. These dudes have the same name as us. +That's Butt-Head. Don't you get it, Beavis. These dudes have the same name as us. Yeah, we should party. +Beavis. This is what it's all about. Heh heh. Yeah. +Ow! These chips suck. What a rip-off. Come on. We gotta find that chick. +Huh huh huh huh huh huh. Uh... Uh... +Huh huh huh. That chick was talking about doing it. Heh heh. This is the best night of our lives. +Uh... Hey baby. Are we like, doing it? Me first? +Huh huh huh. I'm ready for love. Me first! Me first! +So, uh, huh huh. Are we gonna score now? Me first! +Me first! Forget it, bunghole! +Ow, let go, Butt-Head! Huh huh huh. +Me first. Huh huh. No way, dude. +This is it, Beavis. Huh huh. We're finally gonna score. Heh heh. Thank God. +No way butt-hole! I want the window. Cut it out butt-hole! +Heh heh. We're in Washington! Huh huh. We're gonna score now. +Damn, huh huh. Yeah, heh heh. Damn right! +So, like, where is she? Yeah, really. +This is dumb, let's find that chick. Yeah, heh heh, enough'a this crap. +Check it out Butt-Head, TV! Cool! Huh huh huh. +Beavis, huh huh, what'er you doing? My butt's bothering me! +My butt's bothering me! You should kick your butt's ass. Huh huh huh. +Dammit, all they have is shows about water. That sucks. Heh heh. They need some shows about fire! Change the channel. +That sucks. Heh heh. They need some shows about fire! Change the channel. Uh... +That was boring. Huh huh. Yeah, it's just the same thing over and over again. +Yeah, it's just the same thing over and over again. Uh... We can't leave Washington 'till we find that chick. +Ow! Cut it out Butt-Head. Huh huh. Get out of the way, Beavis, I wanna sit by the window. Huh huh. +Huh huh. Get out of the way, Beavis, I wanna sit by the window. Huh huh. Ow! I'll kick your butt! +Ow! I'll kick your butt! Huh huh. You mean like this? +That's not that much. Yeah really. Let's get outta here Beavis. Huh huh huh. This sucks. +Uh... Is this the right bus? You mean there's mre than one? +Huh huh huh. Hey Beavis. We're on a bus with chicks. Heh hmm heh heh. +Check it out Butt-Head, porta-potties. Cool, huh huh. +Hey, where'd those chicks go? Uh... I think you scared them off. +Uh... I think you scared them off. This sucks. What are we doing here? Weren't we suppost'a go to Washington and score or something? +This sucks. It's all hot and stuff. This desert is stupid. They need to put a drinking fountain out here. +This desert is stupid. They need to put a drinking fountain out here. Yeah or like a Seven-Eleven or something... Are we almost there? +Yeah or like a Seven-Eleven or something... Are we almost there? Uh, probably like, another five minutes or something. +Uh... Dammit!!!! Dammit!!!! +Hey Butt-Head, isn't there supposed to be like, water in cactuses? Uh... +Hey Butt-Head, are we gonna die? Uh, probably, huh huh...Whoa, I think my life is like, flashing in front of my eyes! +Whoa, my life is cool! Uh... I think I'm seeing something too. It's like a really long time ago... +Hey Butt-Head, I'm starting to feel weird. I think I'm freaking out. Huh? Huh huh. +Huh? Huh huh. Whoa, this is cool! Heh heh. It's like, everything looks all weird and... +Uh... Huh huh. I have a couple. Butt cheeks, huh huh huh. Yeah! Boobs. Heh heh. I just wanna say that again. Boobs. Heh heh. +Hey Butt-Head, look. A jack. Heh heh. Huh huh. Jack. Huh huh. +Uh, you first. C'mon, Beavis, just start running really fast when you hit the ground. It'll work. +C'mon, Beavis, just start running really fast when you hit the ground. It'll work. Okay. I'll go right after you. +Hey Butt-Head it's that chick! Uh, oh yeah. Cool. They can take us to Washington and we can finally score. +Yeah, heh heh. Umm, isn't Seattle in Washington? Heh heh... 'cuz I was thinking maybe we could go see Hole. Yeah. We can go see Hole and then we can get some hole. Huh huh huh huh. +Well where is she?! Could you, like, tell her we're ready to score? +Uh... Attention, attention! We're looking for that chick with the big boobs. Heh heh. We wanna do her now! +Huh huh huh. Settle down Beavis. Oh yeah,...I mean no. NO! I won't settle down! Not this time!... +Heh heh. Fire. Heh heh Aaaaeeehhhhg!!! What's your problem Beavis? +I always thought there was something wrong with him. Heh heh heh. Yeah, he had a lot of problems. Huh huh huh. +Yeah, he had a lot of problems. Huh huh huh. Yeah, and um, he used to hit me too. +Yeah, and um, he used to hit me too. Uh hey, does anyone wanna see my unit? +You hear that, Beavis! We're gonna get alcohol, tobacco and guns! Yeah, maybe some chicks too. Heh heh. +Cigarettes and beer rule! Huh huh. Yeah! We're with the bureau of cigarettes and chicks! We're gonna score! +Uh... bye-bye. Heh heh. Bye bye. Heh heh. +Hey Butt-Head, do you think we're ever gonna score? Uh, I probably will, but not you. You're too much of a butt-monkey. Huh huh. +Uh, I probably will, but not you. You're too much of a butt-monkey. Huh huh. Shut up, dill-hole. +Shut up, dill-hole. Butt-dumpling... +Butt-dumpling... Turd-burglar... +Turd-burglar... Dill-wad... +Dill-wad... Bunghole... +Bunghole... Butt-snatch... +Butt-snatch... Um, uh, butt... um, hole. Butt-hole... +Um, uh, butt... um, hole. Butt-hole... Uh... dill, um, face... +Uh... dill, um, face... Um... ass... head... +Um... ass... head... Uh... butt-snatch... +Uh... butt-snatch... You already said that, Butt-Head. +You already said that, Butt-Head. Oh, uh, I mean, uh, ass-goblin... +Aaaah. TeeeVeeeee, heh heh. Yer late. +Beavis. That's alright. I'd rather not know your real names anyways. I'm Muddy. Look, I'm gonna get right to the point. I'll pay you ten grand plus expenses, all payable after you do her... +Yeah, heh heh. Boooooiiiing!!! Just make sure it looks like an accident... +Just make sure it looks like an accident... Yeah, heh heh. I think I just had an accident. Heh heh hmm heh hmm heh. +Yeah, heh heh. I think I just had an accident. Heh heh hmm heh hmm heh. Huh huh. You guys are funny. Let's have a drink on it. +Oh yeah. Can you just take us to Washington? We're gonna meet her there and, you know, heh heh hmmm... Washington! That's where she was gonna meet up with ya? Damn, she's goin' all the way! +Hello there. Are you two heading for Las Vegas? Yeah, we're gonna score. +Yeah, we're gonna score. I hope to score big there myself. I'm mostly going to be doing the slots. +I hope to score big there myself. I'm mostly going to be doing the slots. Yeah, I'm hoping to do some sluts too. Heh heh. Do they have lots of sluts in Las Vegas? +Yeah, I'm hoping to do some sluts too. Heh heh. Do they have lots of sluts in Las Vegas? Oh, there are so many slots you won't know where to begin. +Oh, there are so many slots you won't know where to begin. Whoa! heh heh. Hey Butt-Head, this chick is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas! Heh heh heh. +Yeah, heh heh. I'm gonna have money, and a big-screen TV and sluts everywhere! Oh, that's nice. +I'm probably going to make out with her first before we, you know, get down... You'll have to speak up son. I have this ringing in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations. I've had two operations on my heart. +You'll have to speak up son. I have this ringing in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations. I've had two operations on my heart. Really? I poop too much. +Really? I poop too much. Oh, maybe you're lactose intolerant. +Oh, maybe you're lactose intolerant. Uh... No, I poop too much. Then I get tired. +Uh... No, I poop too much. Then I get tired. Well, if you find yourself getting tired, take a couple of these. +They perk me right up. Heh heh, thanks. +Hey, Butt-Head, it's that slut from the plane! Why it's you two. How'd ya do in Vegas? +Why it's you two. How'd ya do in Vegas? Uh, we didn't score yet. +Uh, we didn't score yet. Sorry to hear that. Me, I took a beating. +Does that say Xanax? Um, um, yeah, probably. Heh heh. +This is Agent Flemming, A.T.F.. We won't hurt you. We just want the unit. Tell us where the unit is. Do you have T.P.? T.P. for my bunghole? +Do you have T.P.? T.P. for my bunghole? We'll get you whatever you want. Get that other kid. We might need him. +We'll get you whatever you want. Get that other kid. We might need him. Do you have any oleo? Heh heh. +You must bow down to the Almighty Bunghole. Heh heh, this is cool. Bungholio-o-o-o-o-o! He's jerkin' us off. I think we're gonna have to take him out. Get ready to fire on my orders... This is your last chance. Give us the unit now... +He's jerkin' us off. I think we're gonna have to take him out. Get ready to fire on my orders... This is your last chance. Give us the unit now... Why does everyone wanna see my schlong? I am the one-and-only-almighty-bungholiooo! +Why does everyone wanna see my schlong? I am the one-and-only-almighty-bungholiooo! OK boys. Get ready to fire on the count of three. I'm gonna give you three seconds... +...Two... ...o-o-o-eieee-ooooeeeooooo... +...o-o-o-eieee-ooooeeeooooo... Thrr... +We got nothing, Chief. We tore the place apart. We can only legally hold her for another couple of hours. Dammit! Where's that damn unit??!! +Talk ta me, Bork. Chief, we found a witness that says he saw two teenagers leaving Dallas' room shortly before we arrived. +Chief, we found a witness that says he saw two teenagers leaving Dallas' room shortly before we arrived. Did you give him a full cavity search? +Did you give him a full cavity search? Ah, the witness? +Ah, the witness? Yes. You can never be too careful Bork. +Yes. You can never be too careful Bork. Well sir, I didn't really think it was necessary. You see we have a picture of them from the elevator security cam. Here, have a look. +They look like a couple of kids chief. Bork, don't you realize what kids today are capable of? Don't you read the papers? +You see what I see, Bork? I see it. I don't get it. +I see it. I don't get it. You got half the state looking for ya - how do you get away? +You got half the state looking for ya - how do you get away? Cut the power! +Cut the power! Damn right. Bork, we're dealing with real pros here. My opinion, terrorists... What's the scoop on that stolen unit? +Damn right. Bork, we're dealing with real pros here. My opinion, terrorists... What's the scoop on that stolen unit? Well, sir it's not good. Roll the tape... The X-5 unit is a new top-secret biological weapon, a manmade virus... +Jesus Jumped-Up Christ! If this were to fall into the wrong hands... It gets worse. The unit wasn't finished. It has a flaw - the casing. If hit hard enough, it could break open, releasing the virus. +Cavity search...? Deep and hard. +Chief, you know that guy whose camper they were whacking off in? Bork! You are a federal agent. You represent the United States Government... Never end a sentence with a preposition. Try again. +Bork! You are a federal agent. You represent the United States Government... Never end a sentence with a preposition. Try again. Oh, ah... You know that guy in whose camper they... I mean that guy off in whose camper they were whacking? +Oh, ah... You know that guy in whose camper they... I mean that guy off in whose camper they were whacking? That's better. Yes? +That's better. Yes? We've run a sample through the National Criminal Sperm Bank and come up with two possible genetic matches for a father. +Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher. Where did these guys come from? +What the hell...? Bork! That bus we picked up. Where was it headin'? D.C., Chief. +D.C., Chief. Jesus jumped-up... Bork, can you imagine what would happen if they set that thing off in our nation's capital, or even worse, if they sold it to some damned foreigner at that conference. Well, it's not gonna happen! +Okay, boys and girls, our suspects are on a tour bus we believe to be headed for... the White House! Jumpin' Jesus! I want everyone there. Our people. Locals. Orders are shoot to kill. Repeat! Shoot to kill! Chief, I swear, we tore that bus apart. They couldn't have... +Chief, I swear, we tore that bus apart. They couldn't have... Bork, when this is all over, remind me to make you an appointment with Agent Hurley. +Not on him, Chief. Agent Hurley... +Say chief, isn't that guy whose camper,...I mean, off in whose... Not now Bork. +We just cleared all four floors. No sign of him. Damn! Where the hell is he? We should've found him by now. +Chief, look! Attention all units. We've got him. He's in front of a camper in the visitor's lot. +OK, nobody shoot. He could still have the unit on him. Keep your distance. We don't wanna take a chance on hitting it. Where are his pants? +Where are his pants? Who knows? +Well, Earl said you guys were young, but jeez... Oh well, as long as you can get the job done. So what are your names? Uh, Butt-Head. +Do her? Huh huh. That's right. I'm offering you ten grand plus expenses to do my wife. We gotta deal? +Here she is. Her name's Dallas. She ain't as sweet as she looks. She stole everything from me. Ya gotta watch out, 'cause she'll do you twice as fast as you'd do her. Whoa, huh huh. Cool. +She's holed up in a hotel room in Las Veags. Your flight leaves in a couple of hours. Now c'mon, I'll drive you to the airport. Holed up. Huh huh huh. Holed. +One more thing. Mah wife's got this leather satchel. It's black, about this big. I need ya to bring it back. It's real important. Sentimental value... Any questions so far? Uh, yeah. Does she have big hooters? +Uh, yeah. Does she have big hooters? She sure does. +She sure does. This is gonna be cool! Huh huh huh. +Ah'm gonna blow you both to hell! Cool, huh huh. Hey Beavis that's that dude that's paying us to do his wife. +Cool. Huh huh huh. It's so nice to meet young men who are so well mannered. +Cool, huh huh huh. That's why I'm bussing it across America. I'm so glad you're here. Jim, I want you to meet two nice boys. +This is Travis and Bob... What's your last name, dear? Uh... Head? huh huh. My first name's Butt. Huh huh huh. +Meet Sylvia. And Elloise and Sam. And Ed. And Doreen. Are you guys sluts too? Huh huh huh. +Whoa, this kicks ass! Huh huh huh. Yoo-hoo! Travis and Bob Head. Whoo-hoo! +Uh, hey. One of you kids got a match? Uh, my butt and your...uh, butt. +You were a roadie for Motley Crue? Yup. Huh huh. +Really? That's where we're from. Well, then you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, here's the story. I scored with these two chicks. True story. +Well, then you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, here's the story. I scored with these two chicks. True story. You scored with two chicks?! +You scored with two chicks?! Yeah, they were sluts. Huh huh huh. +Shut up, dumb-ass! You didn't score. I scored with both of them... Uh, do you think these two sluts still live in Highland? That would be cool. +Uh, do you think these two sluts still live in Highland? That would be cool. Hey, you wanna see something really cool? Huh huh huh. +You got two seconds! Uh, huh huh. Is that gonna be enough time? +Who sent ya? Uh, huh huh, this fat dude. He said we could do you. And he was gonna pay us. +Uh, huh huh, this fat dude. He said we could do you. And he was gonna pay us. Muddy! Sonofabitch! Hold it. What's he payin' ya? +Muddy! Sonofabitch! Hold it. What's he payin' ya? Uh, ten uh... +Uh, ten uh... Ten grand? That cheap-ass... I got a better deal for ya. I'll double it. I'll pay ya twenty if you go back there and do mah husband. +Ten grand? That cheap-ass... I got a better deal for ya. I'll double it. I'll pay ya twenty if you go back there and do mah husband. Uh, you want us to do a guy? Huh huh. No way. +Maybe I am three-eighty-five if you carry a second lien! I can arrange the most creative financing in the six states of New England. No, Jane. +No, Jane. You'll be rich! +You'll be rich! We're rich in what really matters. +We're rich in what really matters. Adam my booyy! When you're really rich in what matters... ... nothing matters! My buyer has just made a killing in condos in the Village. And he's got a little stress problem... ... so his wife says they want the old peace and quiet! +Adam my booyy! When you're really rich in what matters... ... nothing matters! My buyer has just made a killing in condos in the Village. And he's got a little stress problem... ... so his wife says they want the old peace and quiet! So do I, Jane. I'm on vacation. +So do I, Jane. I'm on vacation. Does that mean you'd consider it in two weeks? You don't have to answer now. He wants me to check the deed restriction anyway. You take your vacation, Adam. Say 'bye! +Get away you little monster. I will never sell this house. I'll be buried in my yard next to Barbara. Holding hands! And a good paintbrush! +She's ready. Oh, Adam, the model looks so good. The Historical Society will love it. You've finished the streets? +Oh, Adam, the model looks so good. The Historical Society will love it. You've finished the streets? Almost. +Manchurian Tung oil? Where did you get it? Helen got it for me in Oslo. +Helen got it for me in Oslo. God... Manchurian Tung oil? There's enough to refinish the gateleg table and the cherry wardrobe! +Yeah, I want to get one coat on the wardrobe and then I'll help you. Oh, honey, I'm so glad we're spending our vacation at home. +Oh, honey, I'm so glad we're spending our vacation at home. God, how I have looked forward to this, honey. +Oh no. It's your turn, darling. +Jane said we should sell the house to someone with a family. Ah, the ever-tactful Jane. Let's just relax about having children. +We should be flattered that she wants to sell our house. I know... I just wish she'd leave us alone. +I know... I just wish she'd leave us alone. Let's not think about it. We'll have a nice romantic, quiet, vacation. Here comes the bridge chorus. +Wave at the lion. Don't forget the balls, Ernie. +Don't forget the balls, Ernie. Adam! +Adam, your Bozman Building is a beauty. Yeah it turned out okay. We applied for a National Historical plaque for it. That'll be the third one on Main Street. +Yeah it turned out okay. We applied for a National Historical plaque for it. That'll be the third one on Main Street. You're doing it, Adam. You're saving this town. +You're doing it, Adam. You're saving this town. Slow down there, honey... I don't want the vibration to weaken the model. +Slow down there, honey... I don't want the vibration to weaken the model. Oh... I'm sorry... +This fire wasn't burning when we left the house. How's your arm? +How's your arm? I'm not sure. It feels... frozen. +You'd better sit down, hon. I am sitting. +I am sitting. I'll tell you what, Barbara. I don't think we survived that crash. +I'll tell you what, Barbara. I don't think we survived that crash. Oh, Adam. We're home. In our own house. Nonsense. I'll make some coffee. You get some more firewood. +You saved my -- uh -- life... or whatever... something. Two hours. +Two hours. What? +What? That's how long you were gone. +That's how long you were gone. ... Hmmm? +Anything happen while I was away? Yes it did. Yes it did. I made a couple of small discoveries. Here's one. +Handbook for the recently diseased. Deceased. I don't know where it came from. +Deceased. I don't know where it came from. Look at the publisher. Handbook for the Recently Deceased Press. +I don't think we survived the crash. This is going to take some time. +I don't like situations like this. I hate it when I'm not in control. So just tell me the basics. This book isn't arranged that way. What do you want to know? +This book isn't arranged that way. What do you want to know? There are a thousand things... Why did you disappear when you walked off the front porch? Is this a punishment? Are we halfway to heaven or are we halfway to hell? And how long is this going to last? +There are a thousand things... Why did you disappear when you walked off the front porch? Is this a punishment? Are we halfway to heaven or are we halfway to hell? And how long is this going to last? I don't see anything about 'Rewards and Punishments' or 'Heaven and Hell.' This book reads like stereo instructions! Listen to this... 'Geographical and Temporal Perimeters... Functional perimeters vary from manifestation to manifestation.' This is going to take some time. +Cabin fever, hon? I can't clean anything. The vacuum is out in the garage. I can't leave the house. Why don't they tell us something? Where are all the other dead people in the world? Why is it just you and me? +I can't clean anything. The vacuum is out in the garage. I can't leave the house. Why don't they tell us something? Where are all the other dead people in the world? Why is it just you and me? Maybe this is heaven. +Maybe this is heaven. In heaven there wouldn't be dust on the wallpaper. +In heaven there wouldn't be dust on the wallpaper. Hon... I didn't want to die, but really, this is fine with me. As long as I never have to wash dishes again. +Hon... I didn't want to die, but really, this is fine with me. As long as I never have to wash dishes again. Dishes? We haven't eaten in three weeks! Adam, I'm not like you, I really need to be around people, get out to the church and go grocery shopping. +Dishes? We haven't eaten in three weeks! Adam, I'm not like you, I really need to be around people, get out to the church and go grocery shopping. But I'm not hungry, are you? +God, it's Jane Butterfield! What's she doing here? +What's she doing here? I don't know. Jane, Jane, up here! +She can't see you, right? In the book, Rule Number Two: the living usually won't see the dead. Won't? Or can't? +Won't? Or can't? Just says 'won't.' Wait a minute. Here it says 'the living are arrogant... they think they'll never die, so they refuse to see the dead.' +Just says 'won't.' Wait a minute. Here it says 'the living are arrogant... they think they'll never die, so they refuse to see the dead.' Arrogant. That's Jane Butterfield all right... +Arrogant. That's Jane Butterfield all right... At least we won't have to worry about her. +I guess... if I'm going to be dead, I'll just have to be the best dead person ever! That's my girl! +Adam, we are in hell. I hate these people. They make gypsies look good. +They make gypsies look good. Is this a punishment for something we did in life? What can we do? +Is this a punishment for something we did in life? What can we do? I don't know if there's anything we can do. +I don't know if there's anything we can do. We're not completely helpless. I've been reading the book. There's a word for people in our predicament, honey. +Oh, honey, we may need that. No, I'm not putting up with this. +Barbara, honey! Don't go out there. You don't know -- Whatever it is it can't be worse than this. +Oh, Adam, don't ever leave me alone. You left me. +You left me. I know. I'm sorry. +We're trapped in this house forever... with those... people. You can't say that for sure. It could be a transitional thing. Like a post-life crisis. We just have to be tougher with them. Come on. Have some brandy. Spirits, get it? +You can't say that for sure. It could be a transitional thing. Like a post-life crisis. We just have to be tougher with them. Come on. Have some brandy. Spirits, get it? Death didn't improve your sense of humor. +Look in the index... maybe there's, like an emergency number or something. Not really... what's this? +That's it? No number, or instructions? Nothing. The bio buster? I don't get it... +That little girl saw us. She couldn't have. We can't make them see us. +She couldn't have. We can't make them see us. But she saw us. I could feel it. +But she saw us. I could feel it. That's all we need. +There's nothing we can do. It's just a matter of time before they unlock this room. There goes my model. There goes our last refuge. We're not going to wait here like cornered animals. I can tell you that. We need help. I'm going to talk to that little girl. +We're not going to wait here like cornered animals. I can tell you that. We need help. I'm going to talk to that little girl. What about this Beetle guy? +What about this Beetle guy? We don't know who he is... ... I'm going to talk to that little girl. +We don't know who he is... ... I'm going to talk to that little girl. Are you crazy? She can't hear you. +Are you crazy? She can't hear you. I don't know... what are you looking up? +I don't know... what are you looking up? We need some help. I found something this morning. Here. Emergencies. 'In case of emergency, draw door.' +We need some help. I found something this morning. Here. Emergencies. 'In case of emergency, draw door.' Draw door? I don't know why we keep looking in that stupid book. +Yet another triumph for Adam and Barbara in the afterlife. Wait. +... Not what I expected when we walked through that door. No. But it's somewhere without big worms. +My God, we're back where we started. Look at this, everything is different down here. All our furniture is gone. +Look at this, everything is different down here. All our furniture is gone. How long do you suppose we were waiting? +We'd like some help in getting rid of the people who moved in here. Barbara and I worked very hard on this house. We probably wouldn't mind sharing the house with people who were -- +That guy is in our cemetery. Oh, Adam. Look, she's right. We'll just start simple, honey, be tougher. I feel... confident. C'mon. +God, this is so corny. Have we been reduced to this? Sheets? Think of them as death shrouds. And the moaning is important. Really moan! Practice, practice, practice. +I feel really stupid. It's not stupid. We're ghosts. Do you want this woman for breakfast for 125 years? Moan louder! +Well, I don't know... We don't get many visitors. Where are your skulls and bones? +Where are your skulls and bones? You know you're really a pretty girl. +Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her. She's got photos, Barbara. +She's got photos, Barbara. Adam, you had a photo of Big Foot! +Adam, you had a photo of Big Foot! This is different. Eventually she'll take someone to the attic. And then what? We've got to try to contact this guy Betelmyer. We gotta get some help, hon. +Did you copy these gravestones right, Adam? Of course I did. +Of course I did. Then it should be here. +Here's something. I didn't do that one... Hmmm. +I didn't do that one... Hmmm. ... Yes this must be him. Look... Betelgeuse... Betelgeuse... +Go ahead... third time's a charm. Betelgeuse! +What happened? Three times. Powerful number. +Three times. Powerful number. Bet... el... geuse. What an awful name. I thought it was like -- you know. The juice of beetles. +Has anything been simple so far? From the look of the shovel, we dig. Oh, Adam. I don't have gloves. My nails keep getting longer. I'll break them. +I guess we open it. Maybe we should knock first? +She's only fourteen... ... acts like she's thirty-five. +Honey. Let's go. Go? What d'ya mean? We need help. +Go? What d'ya mean? We need help. No, we don't. We can work something out ourselves. We just have to try harder. +Honey, I think that was a mistake. I am not going to expose that little girl to that... pervert down there. +I am not going to expose that little girl to that... pervert down there. But we let him out. +But we let him out. I don't care, I've changed my mind. ... I feel really confident. We're getting better at this stuff. We can scare them off ourselves -- tonight! I've got an idea. You're going to love it... I'm going to hate it. +And your sushi was remarkable. The sushi? I did the wine. Didn't you do the sushi? +The sushi? I did the wine. Didn't you do the sushi? N... No, I just did the Ink Spots. +N... No, I just did the Ink Spots. Who did the sushi? +Maybe they'll leave now. That snake was a pretty nasty customer. He might have hurt somebody. +He might have hurt somebody. But he didn't. We've got him where we want him. +Adam! Why did you build a whorehouse? Have you ever been to...? I didn't -- +Lydia, believe me... we know... all the hard stuff is the same over here. You're going to be who you are... whether you're alive or dead ... and over here -- it's... It's flat... there's no food, no colors ... you can't smell the flowers. If we knew then what we know now we'd have been more careful... ... we wouldn't have had our little accident. +You know, I've been thinking. I could teach Lydia to sew. Little black party dresses? +Little black party dresses? Ah, Adam, you don't know anything about little girls. She's just... missed out on some love, that's all... +Ah, Adam, you don't know anything about little girls. She's just... missed out on some love, that's all... Let's see if she can get my model back. +Let's see if she can get my model back. You can build another one... with her. +We've been given a gift here, honey. A real live little girl. She likes us a lot. She needs us. Maybe that's why we died so young, to keep us from getting so... attached to things. The house, antiques, your model. Look at us. We didn't have room for anyone. What makes you think she likes me? +What...? Just a hunch. +What time is it? 3:30 I guess. +3:30 I guess. Give or take a year. +Oh, Adam, don't tease her. You never got an A in science in your life! All right. +A... Are you the guys who're hiding out in the attic? We're ghosts. +Aren't you scared? I'm not scared of Ralph Lauren. Those are sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus? +I'm not scared of Ralph Lauren. Those are sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus? What? +What? Night of the Living Dead? It's this gross movie. +You can actually see us? Without the sheets? Is this like a trick question? +Nobody else can. I'm wearing contacts... Also I read through Handbook for the Recently Deceased. It says that live people ignore the strange and unusual... not me... I am strange and unusual. +Why are you creeping around Delia's bedroom? We were trying to scare your mother. +We were trying to scare your mother. Stepmother. I'm very sensitive about being related to reptiles. +You did this? You carved all these little figures and houses and things? I certainly did. I'd finish it too, but... I don't get out much. +I certainly did. I'd finish it too, but... I don't get out much. And this used to be your house, I bet. Why do you want to scare everybody? +And this used to be your house, I bet. Why do you want to scare everybody? We want to frighten you away. So that you'll move out. +We want to frighten you away. So that you'll move out. You don't know the Deetzes very well, do you? My father bought this place. He never walks away from equity. Why don't you leave? +We weren't there. The handbook says funerals aren't for the dead. God, if this is true this is like, amazing! I kinda like it up here. Can I visit you sometimes? +You tell them that we are desperate horrible ghoulish creatures who will stop at nothing to get back our house. Wait a minute. I had some licorice ice cream earlier. You guys could be gas. What if... I'm dreaming. Can you do any neat tricks to prove you're not gas? +What is going on? Really. I don't know. +Did you get the paint? I got it. And I took pictures of the new church for you, too. +We studied all day yesterday. Don't tell me... I got an A! +So can I? Uh-uh. Only if you got above a C on science. +Uh-uh. Only if you got above a C on science. Oh puh-leeze! +You don't have an appointment, do you? W... We didn't know how to make one. +Nine months? What difference does that make? Good luck. You're going to use up all your help vouchers. +Good luck. You're going to use up all your help vouchers. Help vouchers? +Help vouchers? D-90's. You spend a hundred and twenty-five years on earth, actually, in that house, during which you get only three class- one D-90 intercessions with Juno. You probably haven't even read through the manual completely yet. +Wait for who? For Juno, your caseworker. Not that it matters to your type. But there are all these other people here ahead of you. I'd say three hours. +Aren't you dead? Hell no! I'm rolling. I'm a businessman. I'm the man what am. Beeetel Jooose! Who do I gotta kill? +Hell no! I'm rolling. I'm a businessman. I'm the man what am. Beeetel Jooose! Who do I gotta kill? You don't kill anyone. +So you, the dead, want me, the undead, to throw the live guys -- Mommie, Daddy and Lolita, who might not mind a tumble with an older guy, out into the cold? Even though they have paid hard casharoonie for your dump? But... the Deetzes are destroying our house. +But... the Deetzes are destroying our house. You Maitlands are the backbone of the afterlife. So what's my cut? +You Maitlands are the backbone of the afterlife. So what's my cut? Can you scare them off? +Okay. But that Betelgeuse sure seemed mad. Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go! +This is my town. You wish! I nearly scored with that little blonde. I need me a short little queen. +Barbara?!! Now, let's get rolling! +Are you available? No. What's wrong? +Hell is other people. You obviously don't read much. Besides things seem pretty quiet here. You should thank God you didn't die in Italy. The Deetzes. Okay. Have you been studying the manual? We tried. +We tried. The Intermediate Interface chapter on Haunting says it all. Get 'em out yourself. It's your house. Haunted houses don't come easy. +I heard. Tore your face right off! Bad news. It obviously doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can't see you. We have to start simpler, is that it? +We have to start simpler, is that it? Start simply. Do what you know. Use your talents. Practice. We only help those who help themselves. Just do a little at a time. And of course, practice, practice, practice. It's tricky but -- you weren't murderers by any chance, were you? +Don't say his name! Just practice. Do it yourself! And if we need you again, how do we...? +Handbook? When...? Never trust the living! We cannot have a routine haunting like yours provide incontrovertible visual proof of existence beyond death. +Never trust the living! We cannot have a routine haunting like yours provide incontrovertible visual proof of existence beyond death. Well, we didn't know -- +Yes... or no? Do you want the Deetzes out or in? Out. +All right. Who are you? We're... +We're... You're the dead. +Just get some people out of our house. Bio-busting. I loves bio-busting. Who do I gotta kill? Family -- right? Obnoxious I bet. Mommie, daddy, piglets. +Bio-busting. I loves bio-busting. Who do I gotta kill? Family -- right? Obnoxious I bet. Mommie, daddy, piglets. Just one daughter. +Just one daughter. Hey you've been on Saturn! I hate those sandworms! Yecchhh! I've lost a lot of buddies to sandworms. So a daughter? She got good legs? God I love a young leg. +Folks, be reasonable here. I'm at your service. You be the judge. I'm a harmless guy. Try me. Home. Home. Home! +I don't like Charles Deetz particularly, but you could have killed him. Hey, I've been in a frigging bottle for six hundred years. I was out. Every dog has his day. This is my town. I need a night to howl. +You lilly-livered bleeding hearts! I'm so sorry we frightened you. What were you doing? +I'd nearly given up on you. I was about to leave. I do have other clients. Are you Juno, our case worker? +Are you Juno, our case worker? Yes. I evaluate individual cases and determine if help is needed, deserved, and available. +Yes. I evaluate individual cases and determine if help is needed, deserved, and available. We need help. We deserve help. +We're very unhappy. What do you expect? You're dead. +-- Like you used to be? Yes. +No. Pity. Murderers seem to have an easy time of it. Just look at Amityville. He was one of my boys. Didn't have to give that one any lessons. From day one... But I must be off ... I've got a planeload of football players crashed in the midwest... they need a lot of help, just with the basics. +If... we have trouble. What about the guy in the flyer? Betelge... No. You don't want his help. +No, you don't! He does not work well with others. What do you mean? What's he do? +What do you mean? What's he do? He's a freelance bio-exorcist. Claims to get rid of the living. But he's a troublemaker. He's pushy. He's been sleazing around that cemetery for 500 years. +He's a freelance bio-exorcist. Claims to get rid of the living. But he's a troublemaker. He's pushy. He's been sleazing around that cemetery for 500 years. Our cemetery? +Our cemetery? Yeah. He still tries popping up all over the place. But he can't join the party unless you call on him. Get the Deetzes out by yourselves! I gotta go. +The whorehouse was my idea. I want Betelgeuse out of the picture! We've got some serious talking to do. About what? +About what? You people have really screwed up! I received word that you allowed yourselves to be photographed. And you let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back, and you let Otho get ahold of the handbook. +What about Betelgeuse? Forget him. He'll remain with his whores until someone calls him. You need to worry about people like Otho. There are a lot of phony trance mediums. They usually can't make the formulas work, but if Otho stumbles on the right words in that handbook... he could hurt you. As in -- exorcism. +If I had seen a ghost at your age, I would have been frightened out of my wits. You're not gross. Why were you wearing a sheet? +You're not gross. Why were you wearing a sheet? We're practicing. +Tell the truth. I always tell the truth. Of course I can see you. +We can't. We haven't left the house since the funeral. Funeral. God, you guys really are dead! What was it like? The funeral. Did you cry? +I don't wear that stuff to bed. Besides, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm getting out of here. Wait... I don't think it would be a very good idea if you told your parents that we're up here. +I hate you! I can't trust anybody! No, wait! +He said if I let him out he would take me over to the other side to find you. No, Lydia, we're dead. +No, Lydia, we're dead. I want to be dead too. +I want to be dead too. No you don't! No... Lydia... Why? +No you don't! No... Lydia... Why? Life is just... too awful. +So, never let Beetle Juice out. Never. Besides... We're thinking about letting everyone stay... You and your father and mother can stay too. Step... mother. +How'd you do on the science test? It was gross. They wanted me to dissect a frog. I told them no way. I said it was against my religion. I got a C. +Hi, Barb! I'm glad I caught you. I heard you were on vacation! That's right, Jane. Complete vacation. +That's right, Jane. Complete vacation. Honey -- today I am three hundred fifty thousand dollars! +Honey -- today I am three hundred fifty thousand dollars! No! Jane, it is 6:45 in the morning! +No! Jane, it is 6:45 in the morning! Look at me, think of me as cash! This offer is really real! From a rich man in New York City who only saw a photograph! +Look at me, think of me as cash! This offer is really real! From a rich man in New York City who only saw a photograph! Jane, don't send photographs of our house around the country! We're not interested in selling. +Jane, don't send photographs of our house around the country! We're not interested in selling. You could double the size of your hardware store! You'll be rich. +You could double the size of your hardware store! You'll be rich. And live in what, our station wagon? +And live in what, our station wagon? Barbara Maitland, sweetie, you just listen now. This house is too big. It really ought to be for a couple with a family. +Oh, honey... I didn't mean anything ... it's just too big for you two. I know these things. 'Bye, Jane, I'll see you in church in a couple weeks. +Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? I've come for the last time. Where are you? Barb... They're dead. +Cookie, they are dead, dead, deadski. Of course they're dead. They're ghosts. +Of course they're dead. They're ghosts. No, I mean they've gone. Decamped. Split. Vanished. +No, I mean they've gone. Decamped. Split. Vanished. Where'd they go? +Where'd they go? The happy hunting ground. Who cares? +The happy hunting ground. Who cares? Are you a spirit too? +Are you a spirit too? Sort of. High spirit. Heh heh. Listen, cookie, I've been trapped in this burg for hundreds of years. All I want is to get out. +Sort of. High spirit. Heh heh. Listen, cookie, I've been trapped in this burg for hundreds of years. All I want is to get out. I want to get in. +I want to get in. You do? Over here? On my side? +You do? Over here? On my side? I think so. +I think so. Well, yes, of course. It's great over here. You'll meet all the greats. James Dean. Buddy Holly. 'The little things a you say and do... make me want to be with you-a-hoo.' +Well, yes, of course. It's great over here. You'll meet all the greats. James Dean. Buddy Holly. 'The little things a you say and do... make me want to be with you-a-hoo.' Well, it can't be any worse than my life here. +Well, it can't be any worse than my life here. That's right. They treat you like scum I bet? +That's right. They treat you like scum I bet? Yeah. +Yeah. I can't help you from this side, but here's how we do it. So simple. Say my name three times. That's all. I'll be all yours. Then I'll bring you over here in style. +I can't help you from this side, but here's how we do it. So simple. Say my name three times. That's all. I'll be all yours. Then I'll bring you over here in style. I... I don't know what your name is. +I... I don't know what your name is. Minor problem. The rules. I can't tell it to you. But... do you know how to play charades? +Minor problem. The rules. I can't tell it to you. But... do you know how to play charades? Yes. +Yes. Of course you do. +Three syllables. No, dummy. Two. +No, dummy. Two. Your fingers are so small I can't see them. First word -- two syllables. +I don't know what that signal means. It means look behind you, bimbo. +Beetle! Good girrrl! +Breakfast beetle? Beetle? Beetle fruit? Fruit bat? Fruit battle? Volkswagen? Fruit wagon? Good thing you are beautiful, kid. You are dumb! +I am not! Beetle... Juice? That's it! +That's it! Your name is Beetle Juice? Yecch! That's as bad as Deeelia Deeetz. +Your name is Beetle Juice? Yecch! That's as bad as Deeelia Deeetz. It's spelled different, but basically... Now you said it twice; just one more time, and I'll be free. And then you'll be free. +God, you're anatomically correct! Just say it. +Just say it. You were the snake! Right? I know. I saw you. +You were the snake! Right? I know. I saw you. You've got to say it! +You've got to say it! No I don't. I don't take orders from smurfs. +No I don't. I don't take orders from smurfs. How'd you like to have the biggest boobs in the world? Right now. I can do it if I get out. +How'd you like to have the biggest boobs in the world? Right now. I can do it if I get out. They'd look silly on me. I'm fourteen years old! +They'd look silly on me. I'm fourteen years old! How'd you like to be married to... the King...? +So... You're ready for me now? You've got to help them. +You've got to help them. Can you help me? +Can you help me? ... I will. +... I will. Then I'll help them. For a price. +Your qu...? But you're... I'm beeyoo-teeful. +Yes, of course you are. Well, Otho had an intuition. Call it a hunch -- that it was going to be a fabled monstrosity of a house. And it certainly is. Charles, you're lucky the Yuppies are buying condos, so you can afford what I'm going to have to do to this place. We are talking from the ground ups'ville! That's fine, Otho. Just keep me out of it. I am here to relax and clip coupons. And goddamnit, I mean to do it. +Otho, you've got to help me get Maxie Dean up here. I have a deal that could make all of us very comfortable. He's a cloven-hooved beast! +He's a cloven-hooved beast! He's your cousin. +He's your cousin. I am ashamed to say he is. Look, nothing short of giving away free sacks of money would get him up here, Charles. And Sarah? Forget it. You can't get her out of Bergdorf's with plastic explosives. +Otho? It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry. +It's Otho! Otho, why didn't you just come in the door? +I can't believe that we're eating Cantonese. Is there no Szechuan up here? Hunan? There's only one Chinese restaurant in town, darling, the owners are Irish and Irish people happen to cook Cantonese. They don't know better. +Lydia, at your age, you are so young. Charles, we need to call that awful Jane Butterfield tomorrow and get the key to the attic door. Can't you find a way to hold back some of her commission? We're going to have a lot to do tomorrow... The Goodwill truck is coming, and whatever is up there in that attic goes away with it. Should have it fumigated too. I saw a fly today. +I feel like we've been at war, Charles. At least insofar as we have our first casualty. Me. +At least insofar as we have our first casualty. Me. Otho'll know what to do. +Otho'll know what to do. What's he going to do? Viciously rearrange their environment? +What's he going to do? Viciously rearrange their environment? Otho knows as much about the supernatural as he knows about interior decoration. +Otho knows as much about the supernatural as he knows about interior decoration. Let's hope he knows how to produce those damn ghosts for Max and Sarah... Because I've bought options on property all over town. I need Max's financing... +Let's hope he knows how to produce those damn ghosts for Max and Sarah... Because I've bought options on property all over town. I need Max's financing... Just don't tell Lydia. +Just don't tell Lydia. Why not? +Why not? I think she's in with them. +They're probably guilty about what they did to me. Not these people! They are ruthless! +What do you think, honey? Delia hates it. +Lydia, relax. We'll build you a darkroom in the basement. My whole life is a darkroom! One ... big... dark... room. +Yeah, maybe if he's nice, he'll let me hang myself from a rope in his barn. Lydia, we're the first trickle! In a couple of years this whole town will be filled with people like us. +Where is your mother? Stepmother. She's out torturing the movers. +Stepmother. She's out torturing the movers. Lydia. Try to be civil. I'm going to see if I can set up a noise-free zone in the study. +I was just trying to open the door. Mrs. Butterfield brought over a skeleton key. Let me have it. +Skeleton keys never work. Anyway, this can wait. We'll get a crowbar later. Your mother... Stepmother. +Stepmother. ... asked you for something, didn't she? I'm going down to relax. I want a noise-free zone. Do you understand? Noise free. +What? I'm lonely. +Darling, can't you see I'm relaxing in here! Well I just wanted to tell you what I saw. +Well I just wanted to tell you what I saw. Lydia. What the hell is the point of my moving up here if you people won't let me relax? Go help your mother. +Dad. Do you believe me? Yes. Except when you creep around in your mother's -- +Yes. Except when you creep around in your mother's -- Stepmother's... +Stepmother's... ... sheets. +... sheets. Well this is... I mean, this is the weirdest -- +Well this is... I mean, this is the weirdest -- Lydia, I don't know what it is with you and these pratical jokes, but -- +Lydia, I don't know what it is with you and these pratical jokes, but -- This is not a joke! That sheet was full of ghosts. +The attic room is locked -- They're ghosts. They do what they want. +Answer your mother. Listen, you guys. These ghosts are really nice people. I think we scared them off. Let's just leave them alone. Okay? +Look at all that parking! Come on. Leave their stuff alone. +Now, let's get back to business. I want to get Maxie Dean and Sarah up here immediately. I can make history here! I'm going to turn this sleepy little backward town into a leading supernatural research center... and amusement park. I cannot believe this. +I cannot believe this. Delia will cook... +I'll bring the wine... and the business plan. And Lydia you'll bring the ghosts. I can't bring the ghosts. They're not here! +I can't bring the ghosts. They're not here! Otho, could you actually... do something with them? +They're... not here anymore. Nonsense, everytime she says that, the paint peels, and some wild creature tries to kill us. +Not a building! That's the beauty of it. I think I can buy the whole town. These people don't know the value of their property! Then we own a whole town full of nowhere. +Then we own a whole town full of nowhere. No, no, c'mon, Max, you know me. I've got plans. You gotta come up here and see, then I'll tell you about it. +Just a minute, Maxie. Somebody... No listen... we'll talk about this visiting later, I gotta go, I gotta meeting on the Japanese joint venture. +No listen... we'll talk about this visiting later, I gotta go, I gotta meeting on the Japanese joint venture. Great idea, Maxie! Those Japanese could run it for us. Build them a dormitory in the woods. Listen, think right about it, will you? We've almost got the house ready, you bring Sarah with you and I'll show you. +Great idea, Maxie! Those Japanese could run it for us. Build them a dormitory in the woods. Listen, think right about it, will you? We've almost got the house ready, you bring Sarah with you and I'll show you. Yeah yeah, we'll think on it. 'Bye ya, Charles. You relax up there, ya hear? +I don't care from guilt. I just want to see them. Otho, can you do it? +Are they suffering? They're already dead. They can't feel a thing. +I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food. This is our first meal in this house, Lydia. Why don't we all do our little private parts to make it a pleasant one? +We'll be the art center of summer New York. I'll teach those phony gallery creeps to refuse my sculpture. And when Otho and I get through with this house, you people are not going to recognize it. I say let's keep it the way it is. +You jerks! That is my art, and it is dangerous! You think I want to die like that? Lydia. Moving is a family affair. So buckle down now and go get Mommy some drugs. Any particular kind? +Any particular kind? Joke! Joke! Aspirin! It doesn't matter what brand. +I can't believe you are doing this to me! Ghosts. I am giving a dinner party for seven people tonight. Otho has agreed to come back for the demolition of the attic. My agent, Bernard, is bringing some woman who writes for Architectural Digest. In fact, no one here tonight has not been in Vanity Fair. Except you. I told them you were too mean to be afraid. +I told them you were too mean to be afraid. Don't you dare talk to others about me. I'm an artist! The only thing that scares me is being embarrassed in front of my friends. Do you know how hard it is to get civilized people to set foot in this part of Connecticut? Not a solitary word of this pubescent tripe to anyone. +Don't you dare. I saw some ghosts. +Lydia tried to play a most amusing joke on me this afternoon. It wasn't a joke. +It wasn't a joke. Tried to convince me that this house is haunted. Kids. Kids. Kids! I love them. +I think the reason is they were trying to scare you, and you didn't get scared -- Of course we weren't scared. Just a little startled. One of those sushi dropped down my Kamali. +All right, you dead people! Come on out, or we'll break down this door and drag you out on the ropes you hanged yourself with! Shhhh. They didn't commit suicide. +Shhhh. They didn't commit suicide. It doesn't matter. What matters is I've got a roomful of guests down there, who think I'm a fraud. I am going to teach you something here Lydia. You've got to take the right tone in things like this, or people -- whether they're dead or alive -- people will walk all over you. Come on out, or I will make death so miserable that you will wish you had never lived! +Lydia, I will never forgive you for embarrassing me in front of my social inferiors. You help us with these ghosts or you'll be sorry. I'm sorry already. +That was the single most unattractive window treatment I have ever seen in the entire of my existence. I'm so glad you could leave the city to consult me, Otho. +Is the rest of the house as bad as this? The rest of the house is probably worse. When can you and I get started? +The rest of the house is probably worse. When can you and I get started? No time like the present, as my wicked stepmother used to say. +What's wrong? I thought I saw something. +Okay? You read my mind! I love clients who can read my mind. I don't think people realize how strong a connection there is between interior decoration and the supernatural. +You read my mind! I love clients who can read my mind. I don't think people realize how strong a connection there is between interior decoration and the supernatural. I know... I read your book, The Haunted Tapestries of the Waldorf. +I know... I read your book, The Haunted Tapestries of the Waldorf. Gooood! +What do you think? Viridian? +Viridian? Viridian? What is...? +Blue-green! Hydrated chromic oxide! Remember I'm schooled in chemistry. I was a hair analyst! Briefly. Interior design is a science, Delia! Think of me as Doctor Otho. And this patient is truly sick! Of course, her favorite color! How beautiful! +Oh my God! I know! We just have to pray that the other closets are bigger than this one. +Otho, I cannot live with these cheap domestic floor tiles. Be brave! Otho take care! Onward! +Is there much more of this torture? That's Charles' study. But you don't have to even look in there. He'll love whatever you do to it. He's such a sheep. +That's Charles' study. But you don't have to even look in there. He'll love whatever you do to it. He's such a sheep. Oh, as long as we're here... +'I' will tell you what is boring. Once you cover up the wallpaper, knock down a few walls, alter the traffic patterns, and -- perhaps -- only perhaps -- think about an inground pool -- the place might just be livable. What's on the third floor? Attic space. +Attic space. Let's see. We could turn that into a media room. +You don't have a key? Maybe Charles does. +Maybe Charles does. I have a feeling there's some very interesting space behind this door. +I have a feeling there's some very interesting space behind this door. Probably the world's largest Reader's Digest collection! C'mon, let's have some chablis, Otho, I'm laid bare by this experience. Entirely bare. +Now, Lydia... Favor us about your ghosts. No! Do not encourage this little... person. +No! Do not encourage this little... person. Oh, Delia, lighten up! +Oh, Delia, lighten up! She's been without therapy up here and I will not allow her to ruin... +It does indicate a marvelously urbane sense of humor on the part of these ghosts -- that they actually appear in sheets! We're dealing with Tracy and Hepburn here, a very sophisticated pair. We must protect them, treat them with respect, nurture them. +Look at that detail! Look at the tiny figures. +Are they still here, Otho? Oh, they're still here. They're Just not showing up. +What's happening to them? I don't know. +Well there's a Little Deetz at least. Boy, when you city people do something, you do it right, don't you? What happened to the people who used to live here? +Is this the key to the attic? That's a skeleton key. It'll open any door in that house. Will you give it to your father? And you might mention that I single-handedly decorated the house. In case he needs advice in that area. Come see me. +Are we going to be seeing you at Miss Shannon's Boarding School? Yes, but I'm going to live at home. +Yes, but I'm going to live at home. Remind me to talk to your mother about the dress code. I'm sure you're going to be very happy there. +Hellooo! How's school? It's okay. How's the dirt business? +It's okay. How's the dirt business? Well, I just placed a call to your mother. She had stepped out but I have some news for her. +It's bad luck. And I believe hugely in luck. Hold your breath and we'll pull. +Otho, that's terrible. My sentiments exactly. Porcelain is for teeth! +They don't want to come down. Why not? +All presences have a home space. A place where they live, so to speak. Where do they hide out? The attic. +Perhaps if I were properly motivated. That's slavery and murder. You don't know these people. They're just like you and me. They're nice people! +Wait a minute! What am I worried about? Otho, you can't even change a tire! I'll need something personal of theirs. +Their wedding clothes. Their wedding clothes. +Adam! Adam! As flies the lizard Serpent fell; As goblin vizard, At the spell Of pale wizard, Sinks to hell; The buried, dead, and slain... Rise again. +The injection will ease the pain and swelling, Mr. Gardiner. I understand. I've seen it done before. +I understand. I've seen it done before. Now, you'll barely feel this. It won't hurt at all. +You were wrong, it did hurt. But not for long... +It's good that there was no apparent damage to the bone. Yes. I think so, too. +Yes. I think so, too. However, with injuries such as this, I have run into minor hemorrhaging, which really isn't too serious at the time, but can cause secondary problems if not looked after. +However, with injuries such as this, I have run into minor hemorrhaging, which really isn't too serious at the time, but can cause secondary problems if not looked after. I see. +You can pull your trousers up, now. Oh, fine. +Oh, fine. Just to take the proper precautions, Mr. Gardiner, I'd recommend we take you downstairs and X-ray your leg. ... By the way, Mr. Gardiner, I would like to ask you something straight out. +Just to take the proper precautions, Mr. Gardiner, I'd recommend we take you downstairs and X-ray your leg. ... By the way, Mr. Gardiner, I would like to ask you something straight out. ... Straight out? +... Straight out? Yes. Are you planning on making any sort of claim against the Rand's? +Yes. Are you planning on making any sort of claim against the Rand's? Claim...? ... Oh, claim, that's what Thomas asked me. +Claim...? ... Oh, claim, that's what Thomas asked me. Thomas? Who's Thomas? +Thomas? Who's Thomas? Thomas Franklin, an attorney. +Thomas Franklin, an attorney. An attorney? +An attorney? Yes. +Yes. Then you wish to handle this matter through your attorneys? +Then you wish to handle this matter through your attorneys? There's no need for a claim, the garden is a healthy one. +There's no need for a claim, the garden is a healthy one. Oh, I see... ... Well, then... You're a very funny man, Mr. Gardiner. You caught me off guard, I must admit... +Oh, I see... ... Well, then... You're a very funny man, Mr. Gardiner. You caught me off guard, I must admit... Thank you. +Thank you. Good, keep your weight off that leg, Mr. Gardiner. In fact, it would be best if you could stay here for a day or two, if that would be would be possible. Since Benjamin became ill we have our own hospital downstairs. I can promise you the finest in care, unless, of course, you would prefer to go elsewhere. +Good, keep your weight off that leg, Mr. Gardiner. In fact, it would be best if you could stay here for a day or two, if that would be would be possible. Since Benjamin became ill we have our own hospital downstairs. I can promise you the finest in care, unless, of course, you would prefer to go elsewhere. Yes, I could stay here. Thank you. +Yes, I could stay here. Thank you. Fine. Would you like me to speak to your personal physician? +Fine. Would you like me to speak to your personal physician? No. +I'll send Wilson up to take you for X-rays, Mr. Gardiner. Feel free to use the telephone, and please let me know if you have any discomfort. Yes, I will. +... And please call me Robert. Yes, Robert. I will. +Chauncey, there you are. What are you doing on that leg? It's fine today, Robert. +It's fine today, Robert. Shame on you, Chauncey - you should let me be the judge of that. Please, sit in the chair. +I swear, Chauncey, between you and Benjamin, I've got my hands full... ... Say, that is coming along, the swelling has gone down considerably... ... Any pain here? Yes, Robert. But it's not bad. +... Benjamin has been hounding me to allow him to address the annual meeting of his Financial Institute today, but obviously, the strain would be impossible... How about here, Chauncey, any soreness? Hardly any, Robert. +... Were you going somewhere? No, Robert. +No, Robert. ... Oh. ... My God, I only wish that Benjamin had your recuperative powers... Anyway, the President offered to sit in for Ben at the meeting, quite a nice gesture, I felt. He's due here soon, I believe. +... Oh. ... My God, I only wish that Benjamin had your recuperative powers... Anyway, the President offered to sit in for Ben at the meeting, quite a nice gesture, I felt. He's due here soon, I believe. Yes, Robert. I know about the President. +Yes, Robert. I know about the President. ... Oh? You've heard? +... Oh? You've heard? Yes. Ben called me. He wants me to meet the President. +Yes. Ben called me. He wants me to meet the President. He does, does he? +He does, does he? Yes, Ben told me to be in his room at ten o'clock. +Yes, Ben told me to be in his room at ten o'clock. Why, that's terrific, Chauncey. +Why, that's terrific, Chauncey. How do I know when it's ten o'clock? +... It's five of, you'd best get on in there. Thank you, Robert. +I would like to walk today. Hell yes - walk. You're meeting the President, aren't you? +Hell yes - walk. You're meeting the President, aren't you? Oh, really? +... He's gone, Chauncey. Yes, Robert. I have seen it before. It happens to old people. +Yes, Robert. I have seen it before. It happens to old people. Yes, I suppose that's true. +Will you be leaving now, Robert? In a day or two, yes. +In a day or two, yes. Eve is going to stay. The house will not be closed. +Eve is going to stay. The house will not be closed. ... You've become quite a close friend of Eve's - haven't you Mr... ... Chance...? +... You've become quite a close friend of Eve's - haven't you Mr... ... Chance...? Yes. I love Eve very much. +Yes. I love Eve very much. I see... ... And you are really a gardener, aren't you? +I see... ... And you are really a gardener, aren't you? Yes, Robert - I am. I'll go tell Eve about Ben now, Robert. +I know exactly what you mean. Today the businessman is at the mercy of kid-lawyers from the SEC. All they want to do is regulate our natural growth! It's happening across the country! To everyone, I'm afraid. The Government controls are so restricting that the Medical Profession, as we know it, is being legislated out of existence. +To everyone, I'm afraid. The Government controls are so restricting that the Medical Profession, as we know it, is being legislated out of existence. Of course! By kid-lawyers! +... No, of course you don't. Excuse me for being so presumptuous. No man knows everything about another man - however, very few are honest enough to admit it. That is so true. You're different, Chauncey... Quite different than most men. +Some pain is to be expected... ... And I think what would be best for the two of you is a good night's rest. ... It's late, I'm afraid it's time for my patients to prepare for bed. We have common foes, Chauncey - kid lawyers and our physician! +And you, Benjamin, must be strong and brave for me. Turn over, please. In a minute, Robert - in a minute... Chauncey, I would like to ask a favor of you... +No more, Robert... No more needles... It's not good, Ben - I'm sure you can feel it. +It's not good, Ben - I'm sure you can feel it. I know, Robert... But, strangely enough, I don't feel too bad about now... I feel all right... I guess it's easier... knowing Chauncey is here... to take care of things... +Good God, Eve - you'll freeze out here. I wanted some fresh air, Robert. How is Mr. Gardiner? +I wanted some fresh air, Robert. How is Mr. Gardiner? A rather large contusion, but I don't feel there is any serious damage. I'd like to keep an eye on him, though - I suggested that he stay here for a couple of days. +A rather large contusion, but I don't feel there is any serious damage. I'd like to keep an eye on him, though - I suggested that he stay here for a couple of days. Stay here? Is that necessary? +Stay here? Is that necessary? Not necessary, but preferable. I don't think he'll be a bother, he seems like a most refreshing sort of man. +Not necessary, but preferable. I don't think he'll be a bother, he seems like a most refreshing sort of man. Yes, he is different... Not the kind of person one usually meets in Washington. +Yes, he is different... Not the kind of person one usually meets in Washington. How true. Mr. Gardiner may be a welcome change of pace. +How true. Mr. Gardiner may be a welcome change of pace. He's very intense, and internal, don't you think? +He's very intense, and internal, don't you think? At times, yes. But that's not an uncommon reaction to such an accident. Actually, I found him to have quite a sense of humor. +At times, yes. But that's not an uncommon reaction to such an accident. Actually, I found him to have quite a sense of humor. Good. It might be pleasant for a couple of days. ... Robert... Is there any improvement...? +Good. It might be pleasant for a couple of days. ... Robert... Is there any improvement...? No, Eve... I'm sorry. +... Eve - this has been an exhausting day for Ben... ... But he's...? +... But he's...? He's resting comfortably now. There's no cause for alarm, yet... +... He walked off... Chauncey is so sensitive... He was overcome with grief... +... Do you think we should look for him? I don't think so, he should be along soon... +I don't think so, he should be along soon... I wish he were here... +We have to find him, Robert - he could be lost, something may have happened, we can't leave him! You really care for him, don't you, Eve? +You really care for him, don't you, Eve? I do - we do - both of us, Ben and I feel so much for Chauncey... +I do - we do - both of us, Ben and I feel so much for Chauncey... I think we'd better go look for him. David! +... And he told us that he had been living there since he was a child, working as a gardener. He showed us a room in the garage, where he said he stayed, and I... Well, I didn't really believe him, of course - but why the act? I have no idea... +I have no idea... Another thing that baffles me, Doctor - what was his connection with the deceased? Major financial dealings, obviously - but our firm has no record of any such transactions. +Another thing that baffles me, Doctor - what was his connection with the deceased? Major financial dealings, obviously - but our firm has no record of any such transactions. Hmmm. You say he showed you his garden? +Hmmm. You say he showed you his garden? Well, he said it was his, he walked us through it. +Well, he said it was his, he walked us through it. I see. Mr. Franklin, I must ask you and Miss Hayes to keep this incident with Mr. Gardiner to yourselves. There's no telling what he was involved in, and the matter may be extremely confidential. So please, not a word. +I see. Mr. Franklin, I must ask you and Miss Hayes to keep this incident with Mr. Gardiner to yourselves. There's no telling what he was involved in, and the matter may be extremely confidential. So please, not a word. Of course, Doctor, I understand. +Of course, Doctor, I understand. Fine. Thank you, Mr. Franklin. +Fine. Thank you, Mr. Franklin. Certainly, glad to be of help. +Gentlemen, I didn't call you here at such an hour to make accusations, I just want to explore the possibilities. Now, I have three questions; Is the man a foreign agent? Or, have we suddenly found that our methods of gathering data are grossly inefficient? Or, thirdly, have the man's files been destroyed? Now, I'd like some answers. Gardiner is not a foreign agent, there are now sixteen countries investigating the man. We can rule that out. +Gardiner is not a foreign agent, there are now sixteen countries investigating the man. We can rule that out. Very well... Can we rule out inefficiency...? +I don't think that's entirely true, Grover. And what do the boys around Intelligence think? +And what do the boys around Intelligence think? Well, Mr. President... They don't quite know what to think. +Well, Mr. President... They don't quite know what to think. Gentlemen, needless to say, there is going to be a full Congressional investigation of your respective operations. Good night. +Do you know Raphael? No sir, I don't believe I do. +No sir, I don't believe I do. Oh. I have a message for him. +Oh. I have a message for him. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. A Black man gave me the message. +A Black man gave me the message. Well, I still don't believe I know the man, Mr. Gardiner. Now, hold still. +I understand. I've never seen anything like this on television. Please, hold still, Mr. Gardiner. +Mr. Gardiner, I have a telephone call for you. Sidney Courtney, the financial editor of the Washington Post. Thank you. +Thank you. Would you care to take it, sir? +Would you care to take it, sir? Yes. +Oh, Mr. Gardiner, I've been looking all over. Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. Morton Hull, the producer of 'This Evening' just called. +Morton Hull, the producer of 'This Evening' just called. Yes, I have seen that show on television. +Yes, I have seen that show on television. Of course. They would like you to appear on the show tonight. The Vice President was scheduled, but he had to cancel, and they asked if you would be interested. +Of course. They would like you to appear on the show tonight. The Vice President was scheduled, but he had to cancel, and they asked if you would be interested. Yes. I would like to be on that show. +Yes. I would like to be on that show. Fine. They felt that since you had such close ties with the President, you would be a splendid choice. ... Can I help you? Are you looking for something? +Fine. They felt that since you had such close ties with the President, you would be a splendid choice. ... Can I help you? Are you looking for something? No. I like this attic very much. +... Won't you let us do something for you? Your leg should be examined, we could take you to a hospital. There's no need for a hospital. +There's no need for a hospital. Why, there certainly is. You must see a doctor, I insist on it. Please, let us take you. +I hope you're comfortable. Yes. I am. +Yes. I am. These can be such trying situations everyone seems to make such a to-do over a simple little accident. Of course, they can be very frightening, and I must apologize for David, he's never had an accident before. +These can be such trying situations everyone seems to make such a to-do over a simple little accident. Of course, they can be very frightening, and I must apologize for David, he's never had an accident before. Yes. He's a very careful driver. +Yes. He's a very careful driver. ... Why, yes, he is... Is your leg feeling any better? +... Why, yes, he is... Is your leg feeling any better? It's feeling better, but it's still very sore. +It's feeling better, but it's still very sore. I see. ... Say, would you mind seeing our family doctor? +I see. ... Say, would you mind seeing our family doctor? Your family doctor? +Your family doctor? Yes. My husband has been very ill. His doctor and nurses are staying with us. Those hospitals can be so impersonal - why, it might be hours before you are treated... +Yes. My husband has been very ill. His doctor and nurses are staying with us. Those hospitals can be so impersonal - why, it might be hours before you are treated... I agree. +I agree. Fine, it will save a lot of unnecessary fuss and it will be so much more pleasant for you... David, we'll just go on home. Jeffrey, would you call and let them know? +Would you care for a drink? Yes. Thank you. +I would like to watch television. Oh? Certainly... +Oh, by the way - I'm Eve Rand. Hello, Eve. +May I ask your name? My name is Chance. +My name is Chance. Pardon me, was that Mr. Chance? +Pardon me, was that Mr. Chance? No. I'm a gardener. +No. I'm a gardener. Oh... Mr. Gardiner... Mr. Chauncey Gardiner... You're not related to Basil and Perdita Gardiner are you? +Oh... Mr. Gardiner... Mr. Chauncey Gardiner... You're not related to Basil and Perdita Gardiner are you? No, Eve. I'm not related to Basil and Perdita. +No, Eve. I'm not related to Basil and Perdita. Oh. Well, they're just a wonderful couple, we've been friends for years. We visit their island quite often. +Did you lose something? Yes. I lost my remote control. +Yes. I lost my remote control. Oh... Well, I'm very sorry... +... I'll feel so relieved after Dr. Allenby examines your leg. After that, David can run you on home, or to your office or wherever you'd prefer... ... Is there anything special you would like to watch? I like to watch. This is fine. +I can see that it must be very important for you to stay informed of all the latest events. Yes. +Yes. I admire that in a person. As for myself, I find there is so much to assimilate that it can become quite muddling at times... +Won't your injury prevent you from attending to business, Mr. Gardiner? No. It won't do that. +No. It won't do that. ... Would you like us to notify anyone for you? +... Would you like us to notify anyone for you? No. The Old Man died and Louise left. +I hope that staying here won't be an inconvenience for you. No. I like it here. +Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I sometimes enjoy puttering around myself, such a pleasant way to forget one's troubles. I am a very good gardener. +Chauncey, I wanted to tell you how dreadful I feel about the accident today, but that I'm delighted that you are staying with us. Thank you, Eve - I like this house very much. +Thank you, Eve - I like this house very much. ... And Ben is just mad about you - you've lifted his spirits so - it's just... Well, it's just a real pleasure having you with us. +... And Ben is just mad about you - you've lifted his spirits so - it's just... Well, it's just a real pleasure having you with us. Ben is very ill, Eve - I've seen that before. +Ben is very ill, Eve - I've seen that before. Yes... I know, Chauncey. +Yes... I know, Chauncey. I like Ben very much... He reminds me of the Old Man... +I like Ben very much... He reminds me of the Old Man... He does...? +He does...? Yes. Are you going to leave and close the house when he dies? +... Why... No, I don't think so... That's good. +... Good night, Chauncey. Good night, Eve. +Chauncey! Hello, Eve. +Hello, Eve. Your leg must be getting better. +Your leg must be getting better. Yes. It's feeling much better now. +Yes. It's feeling much better now. Good. I'm glad to hear that. ... How did you like meeting the President? +Good. I'm glad to hear that. ... How did you like meeting the President? Fine. He's very nice. +Fine. He's very nice. Yes, he is. I'm sorry I didn't get to see him. +... Chauncey... Last night you mentioned an old man, that died. Yes. +Yes. Was he a relative? Or an intimate friend? +Was he a relative? Or an intimate friend? He was a very wealthy man, he looked after me since I was young. +He was a very wealthy man, he looked after me since I was young. Oh, I see... Your mentor, perhaps? +Oh, I see... Your mentor, perhaps? ... Mentor...? +Forgive me, Chauncey - I didn't mean to pry. You must have been very close to him. Yes. I was. +Yes. I was. I'm sorry... ... And what about Louise? YOU mentioned that she had gone, were you close to her also? +I'm sorry... ... And what about Louise? YOU mentioned that she had gone, were you close to her also? Yes. I liked Louise very much. She was his maid. +Yes. I liked Louise very much. She was his maid. Oh, his maid!... Stupid me, I thought perhaps she was someone that you may have been romantically involved with. +Oh, his maid!... Stupid me, I thought perhaps she was someone that you may have been romantically involved with. Oh, no. She brought me my meals. +Oh, no. She brought me my meals. Of course. +What is that? Our greenhouse. +Our greenhouse. Oh, I like that very much. +Oh, I like that very much. Yes, so do we. +... I'm... ... I'm very grateful that you're here, Chauncey... ... With us ... So am I, Eve. +I'll be all right, Chauncey you go ahead with Mrs. Aubrey... Yes, Eve. You'll be all right. +Chauncey... Hello, Eve. +Hello, Eve. Chauncey, I just wanted to wish you well. I know you'll be smashing. +Chauncey, I just wanted to wish you well. I know you'll be smashing. Thank you, Eve. +Thank you, Eve. And Benjamin sends along his best wishes. +And Benjamin sends along his best wishes. How is Ben feeling? +How is Ben feeling? He's tired, Chauncey - but he's going to watch you tonight. We'll both be watching. +He's tired, Chauncey - but he's going to watch you tonight. We'll both be watching. That's good. I like to watch, too. +That's good. I like to watch, too. I know you do - you and your television... ... Good luck, Chauncey. +... You don't happen to have a tuxedo in your suitcase, do you? No, thank you. +No, thank you. Oh. Well, we can fix up one of Ben's for you tomorrow night. Sophie insists an Black Tie. +Oh. Well, we can fix up one of Ben's for you tomorrow night. Sophie insists an Black Tie. I see. +I see. ... I have very few friends, Chauncey... And Benjamin's friends are all quite a bit older... +... Good night, Chauncey. Good night, Eve. +Chauncey! Have you seen the papers? No, Eve. I don't read the papers. +No, Eve. I don't read the papers. Well, it seems you've been described as one of the architects of the President's speech. And your own comments from the 'This Evening' show are quoted side by side with the President's. +Well, it seems you've been described as one of the architects of the President's speech. And your own comments from the 'This Evening' show are quoted side by side with the President's. I like the President. He is a very nice man. +I like the President. He is a very nice man. I know... ... So are you, Chauncey ... ... Do you mind my being here, like this? +I know... ... So are you, Chauncey ... ... Do you mind my being here, like this? No, Eve. I like you to be here. +... You know, Chauncey... I want us to be... I want us... You and I to become... close... I want us to become very close, you know...? Yes, Eve. I know that. +... I'm grateful to you, Chauncey... I would have opened to you with a touch, and you know that... ... But you're so strong - I can trust myself with you. I'm glad, Chauncey - I'm glad that you showed so much restraint... Yes, Eve. I'm very glad that you didn't open. +Yes, Eve. I'm very glad that you didn't open. I know you are, Chauncey... ... You conquer a woman from within herself, you infuse in her the need and desire and the longing for your love. +I know you are, Chauncey... ... You conquer a woman from within herself, you infuse in her the need and desire and the longing for your love. Yes. That could be true. +Yes. That could be true. ... I guess I may as well be honest about my feelings, Chauncey, as I know you are I am in love with you... I love you and I want you... And I know that you know it and I'm grateful that you've decided to wait until... Until... +I've never seen anyone handle the media as well as you, Chauncey. You're so cool and detached - almost as if you were born to it. Thank you, Eve. +Yes. Chauncey, this is Mr. Dennis Watson of the State Department. +Chauncey, this is Mr. Dennis Watson of the State Department. Hello, Dennis. +Chauncey, where have you been? I was afraid you got bored and left, or that you were with some mysterious woman. No. I was with a man. We went upstairs. +No. I was with a man. We went upstairs. Upstairs? Chauncey, you're always involved in some sort of discussion... +Upstairs? Chauncey, you're always involved in some sort of discussion... He was very ill, I stayed with him for a while. +He was very ill, I stayed with him for a while. It must be the punch, and it is stuffy in here -- I feel it a little myself. You're an angel, my dear - thank God there are still men like you around to give aid and comfort. +I feel so close to you, so safe with you, Chauncey... ... And Benjamin understands that, dearest... He understands and accepts my feelings for you... Yes, Eve. Ben is very wise. +Yes, Eve. Ben is very wise. ... Come in, Chauncey - please come in... +... Come in, Chauncey - please come in... Thank you. +I just don't excite you at all... I don't know what you want... I don't know what you like... I like to watch. +I like to watch. To watch...? To watch me...? +To watch...? To watch me...? Yes. I like to watch. +Yes. I like to watch. ... Is that all you want...? ... To watch me...? +... Is that all you want...? ... To watch me...? Yes. It's very good, Eve. +Yes. It's very good, Eve. ... But I've never done... ... You mean...? When... When... When I do it? ... When I touch myself...? +Dearest, you uncoil my wants; desire flows within me, and when you watch me my passion dissolves it. You set me free. I reveal myself to myself and I am drenched and purged. That's very interesting, Eve. +Chauncey! Chauncey! Hello, Eve. +Oh, Chauncey, darling... Where have you been? We thought we'd lost you - we've been looking all over! Yes. I've been looking for you, too, Eve. +Hello, Mr. Gardiner. This is Sid Courtney, Washington Post. Hello, Sid. +Hello, Sid. I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Gardiner, I know you must be very busy. +I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Gardiner, I know you must be very busy. No. I'm not busy. +No. I'm not busy. Then, I'll be brief. I covered the President's speech at the Financial Institute today, and since the Post would like to be as exact as possible, we would appreciate your comments on the meeting that took place between Mr. Rand, the President and yourself. +Then, I'll be brief. I covered the President's speech at the Financial Institute today, and since the Post would like to be as exact as possible, we would appreciate your comments on the meeting that took place between Mr. Rand, the President and yourself. The President is a nice person. I enjoyed it very much. +The President is a nice person. I enjoyed it very much. Good, sir. And so, it seems, did the President - but we would like to have some facts; such as, uh... What exactly is the relationship between yourself and that of the First American Financial Corporation? +Good, sir. And so, it seems, did the President - but we would like to have some facts; such as, uh... What exactly is the relationship between yourself and that of the First American Financial Corporation? I think you should ask Mr. Rand that. +I think you should ask Mr. Rand that. Of course. But since he is ill I'm taking the liberty of asking you. +Of course. But since he is ill I'm taking the liberty of asking you. Yes, that is correct. I think you should ask Mr. Rand that. +I see. Then one more quick question, Mr. Gardiner; since we at the Post would like to, uh - update our profile on you - what exactly is your business? I have nothing more to say. +Mr. Gardiner, I'm Morton Hull, the producer of 'This Evening.' Hello, Morton. +Of course, Mr. Gardiner, the fact that you occupy such a position in the world of finance makes you ideally suited to provide our millions of viewers with an explanation of this nation's economic crisis. I see. +I see. Do you realize, Mr. Gardiner, that more people will be watching you tonight than all those who have seen theater plays in the last forty years? +Do you realize, Mr. Gardiner, that more people will be watching you tonight than all those who have seen theater plays in the last forty years? Yes. It's a very good show. +Yes. It's a very good show. I'm glad you like it, Mr. Gardiner. +Can you see well? Yes, very well, thank you. +Yes, very well, thank you. Do you like it? +Do you like it? Yes. It's very tiny, but it's good. +Yes. It's very tiny, but it's good. ... Are you sure you like it? +... Are you sure you like it? Yes, I do, it's very good. +Yes, I do, it's very good. Really? Really!!! +Do you need a doctor? I could call Robert... I don't want Robert. +I don't want Robert. I see. +I see. Your foot! Give me your foot!! +You must sit with us, my friend, we have much to discuss. I agree. +I agree. How is my dear friend Benjamin feeling? +Regretfully, Mrs. Rand - I shall yield the pleasure of your company to others. Yes, Eve. I shall yield too. +I'm sorry we haven't met sooner, Mr. Gardiner. I had the pleasure of seeing you on television last night and I listened with great interest to your down-to-earth philosophy. I'm not surprised that it was so quickly endorsed by the President. ... Tell me, Mr. Gardiner, just how serious is Benjamin's illness? I did not want to upset Mrs. Rand by discussing it in detail. Ben is very ill. +Ben is very ill. Yes, so I've heard, a shame... As you know, we in the Soviet Union have the keenest interest in developments of the First American Financial Corporation... We are pleased to hear that you may fill Benjamin's place should he fail to recover. Be seated, please, Mr. Gardiner. +... Mr. Gardiner, I wish to be quite candid - considering the gravity of your economic situation, shouldn't we, the diplomats, and you, the businessman - get together more often? Yes, I agree, I think so too. +Yes, I agree, I think so too. To exchange our thoughts - what does a Russian know about business? On the other hand, what does an American know about diplomacy? +To exchange our thoughts - what does a Russian know about business? On the other hand, what does an American know about diplomacy? Yes, I understand. +Yes, I understand. And I have noticed in you a certain reticence regarding political issues - so why not a coming together? An interchange of opinion? We may find, my friend, that we are not so far from each other, not so far! +And I have noticed in you a certain reticence regarding political issues - so why not a coming together? An interchange of opinion? We may find, my friend, that we are not so far from each other, not so far! We are not far... ... our chairs almost touch. +We are not far... ... our chairs almost touch. Bravo! Bravo! Our chairs are indeed almost touching! And we want to remain seated on them, correct? We don't want them snatched from under us, am I right? Because if one goes, the other goes, and then - boom! Boom! And we are both down before our time, you see? And neither of us wants that, do you agree? +Bravo! Bravo! Our chairs are indeed almost touching! And we want to remain seated on them, correct? We don't want them snatched from under us, am I right? Because if one goes, the other goes, and then - boom! Boom! And we are both down before our time, you see? And neither of us wants that, do you agree? I certainly do. +I certainly do. Yes. Tell me, Mr. Gardiner - do you by any chance enjoy Krylov's fables? I ask this because there is something... there is something Krylovian about you. +Yes. Tell me, Mr. Gardiner - do you by any chance enjoy Krylov's fables? I ask this because there is something... there is something Krylovian about you. Do you think so? Do you think so? +Do you think so? Do you think so? So you know Krylov! +So you know your Krylov in Russian, do you? Mr. Gardiner, I must confess I had suspected as much all along - I know an educated man when I meet one! Oh, good. +Oh, good. Yes, it is very good! +Yes, it is very good! Yes, it is. Would you tell me your name again, please? +Yes, it is. Would you tell me your name again, please? Ho! Ho! A dash of American humor! Vladimar Skrapinov! +Ho! Ho! A dash of American humor! Vladimar Skrapinov! Yes. I like that name very much. +Yes. I like that name very much. And yours, sir - Chauncey Gardiner! How poetic! Chauncey, a name of uncertain meaning! And Gardiner, a bit of the French, a suggestion of a stroll through the flowers! A beautiful name, my friend! +Yes, Eve. That would be good. We must speak again, Mr. Gardiner, many times! +We must speak again, Mr. Gardiner, many times! Thank you. +Welcome to Rand Memorial Hospital, Mr. Gardiner. ... I see. +I feel very good in here. Sure you do. This ward is air tight, I have a little extra oxygen pumped in, keeps my spirits up. +Sure you do. This ward is air tight, I have a little extra oxygen pumped in, keeps my spirits up. Yes. I like that very much. +Failure of the bone marrow to produce red blood cells... Not a damn thing they can do about it. Oh, they can make me comfortable, prolong my life with steroid therapy and transfusions... And what makes my blood boil, what little I have left, that is, Mr. Gardiner - is that it's generally a young person's disease... Here I am, getting on in years and about to die of a young person's disease... Yes. You look very sick. +... We're prisoners, Mr. Gardiner - we're prisoners of tubes and technology. I agree. +I agree. ... You will join us for dinner, won't you, Mr. Gardiner? +... You will join us for dinner, won't you, Mr. Gardiner? Yes. I am very hungry. +Yes. I am very hungry. ... So am I, my boy - so am I. +No, thank you. My house has been closed. Oh. When you say 'Your house has been closed', you mean to say that your business was shut down? +Oh. When you say 'Your house has been closed', you mean to say that your business was shut down? Yes. Shut down and locked by the attorneys. +Yes. Shut down and locked by the attorneys. What'd I tell you? Kid-lawyers! The S.E.C.! Damn them! +That's good, Mr. Gardiner. Or may I call you Chauncey? Yes. Chauncey is fine. +Yes. Chauncey is fine. And I'm Ben. +Do we have a garden? Hah! Tomorrow, Chauncey, you will see our gardens. I see. I would like to work in your garden. +A gardener! Well put, Chauncey excellent! Isn't that what a businessman is? A gardener? A person that makes flinty soil productive with the labor of his own hands, who waters it with the sweat from his own brow, and who creates a place of value for his family and community? Yes, Chauncey, what a brilliant metaphor -- yes, indeed, a productive businessman is a laborer in his own vineyard. Thank you, Ben. The garden that I left was such a place. Everything which grew there was with the labor of my own hands. I planted seeds and watered them and watched everything grow. +Thank you, Ben. The garden that I left was such a place. Everything which grew there was with the labor of my own hands. I planted seeds and watered them and watched everything grow. Bravo! +Bravo! But I don't have that any more... ... All that's left for me now is the room upstairs. +But I don't have that any more... ... All that's left for me now is the room upstairs. Now, wait a minute, Chauncey you are young, you are healthy, for God's sake don't give up on yourself! You have to fight! You can't let those bastards keep you down! I don't want to hear any more from you about the 'Room Upstairs'. That's where I'm going soon. +It's a very pleasant room, Ben. Yes, I'm sure it is. That's what they say, anyway. +No, Ben. Reluctant to speak, eh, Chauncey? Well, I can understand that. When a man loses everything, anger has a tendency to block out reason for a time. Just give it some thought, work with the idea, I'm sure you'll have plenty to say in a few days. +Reluctant to speak, eh, Chauncey? Well, I can understand that. When a man loses everything, anger has a tendency to block out reason for a time. Just give it some thought, work with the idea, I'm sure you'll have plenty to say in a few days. I could give it some thought, Ben, but my leg is very sore. +I could give it some thought, Ben, but my leg is very sore. ... Oh? Robert, take a look, would you? +Chauncey, up and around this morning, are you? Yes, Ben. My leg is not very sore. +Yes, Ben. My leg is not very sore. Well, that's good news, my boy. +Well, that's good news, my boy. You're looking much better today, Ben. +You're looking much better today, Ben. Hah! It's all make-up, Chauncey... I asked nurse Teresa to fix me up, I didn't want the President to think I was going to die during our talk. +Hah! It's all make-up, Chauncey... I asked nurse Teresa to fix me up, I didn't want the President to think I was going to die during our talk. I understand. +I understand. No one likes a dying man, my boy - because few know what death is. All we know is the terror of it. But you're an exception, Chauncey - that's what I admire in you, your marvelous balance. You don't stagger back and forth between fear and hope - you're a truly peaceful man. +No one likes a dying man, my boy - because few know what death is. All we know is the terror of it. But you're an exception, Chauncey - that's what I admire in you, your marvelous balance. You don't stagger back and forth between fear and hope - you're a truly peaceful man. Thank you, Ben. ... The nurse did a very good job, Ben. +Yes, when I was younger I had thoughts about public office... But I found, Chauncey - that I was able to contribute more as a private citizen... of course, my wealth provided me with considerable influence, but I've tried, believe me, not to misuse that power... It's extremely important, Chauncey, when one is in a position of eminence, that he does not allow himself to become blinded to the needs of the country... The temptations are strong, and I've been labeled a 'kingmaker' by many, but I have tried to stay open to voices of the people... I have tried to remain honest to myself... I see, Ben. +I see, Ben. ... Maybe one day you shall find yourself in a similar position, Chauncey... Maybe one day... +I think what my most insightful friend is saying, Mr. President, is that we welcome the inevitable seasons of nature, yet we are upset by the seasons of our economy. Yes. That is correct. +He's a decent fellow, the President, isn't he? Yes, Ben - he is. +Yes, Ben - he is. He was quite impressed with your comments, Chauncey - he hears my sort of analysis from everyone, but yours, unfortunately - seldom if ever at all. +He was quite impressed with your comments, Chauncey - he hears my sort of analysis from everyone, but yours, unfortunately - seldom if ever at all. I'm glad he came, Ben. It was nice talking to the President. +... You know, Chauncey, there's something about you... You're direct, you grasp things quickly and you state them plainly. You don't play games with words to protect yourself. I feel I can speak to you frankly... You know what I was talking to you about last night? No, Ben. +No, Ben. Oh, sure you do, the financial assistance program. I think you might be just the man to take charge of such an undertaking. I'd like you to meet with the members of the Board, we'll be able to discuss the matter at greater length at that time. +Oh, sure you do, the financial assistance program. I think you might be just the man to take charge of such an undertaking. I'd like you to meet with the members of the Board, we'll be able to discuss the matter at greater length at that time. I understand. +I understand. And, please, Chauncey - don't rush your decision. I know you're not a man to act on the spur of the moment. +And, please, Chauncey - don't rush your decision. I know you're not a man to act on the spur of the moment. Thank you, Ben. +Thank you, Ben. And now, Chauncey, I'm afraid you must excuse me - I'm very tired all of a sudden. +Certainly, Ben. Senator Rowley's widow, Sophie, is hosting an evening reception tomorrow evening honoring Ambassador Skrapinov of the Soviet Union... I think it's rather obvious that Robert won't allow me to attend, so - would you go in my place, and escort Eve? +Senator Rowley's widow, Sophie, is hosting an evening reception tomorrow evening honoring Ambassador Skrapinov of the Soviet Union... I think it's rather obvious that Robert won't allow me to attend, so - would you go in my place, and escort Eve? Yes. I would like to escort Eve. +Yes. I would like to escort Eve. Good. Together, the two of you should create quite a stir - I can already hear the gossip. +... Chauncey... Chauncey... Yes, Ben - are you going to die now? +... I'm about to surrender the Horn of Plenty for the Horn of Gabriel, my boy... Oh, I see. +Oh, I see. Let me feel the strength in your hand, Chauncey... Let me feel your strength... Yes, that's good... I hope, Chauncey - I hope that you'll stay with Eve... Take care of her, watch over her, she's a delicate flower, Chauncey... +Let me feel the strength in your hand, Chauncey... Let me feel your strength... Yes, that's good... I hope, Chauncey - I hope that you'll stay with Eve... Take care of her, watch over her, she's a delicate flower, Chauncey... A flower... +A flower... She cares for you and she needs your help, Chauncey... there's much to be looked after... +She cares for you and she needs your help, Chauncey... there's much to be looked after... Yes. I would like to do that. +Yes. I would like to do that. ... I've worked very hard and enjoyed my life... I've known success... and I've felt love... My associates, Chauncey - I've talked with them about you... They're eager to meet you... very eager to meet you... I'm very fond of you, Chauncey... And I understand Eve... Tell her that... tell her I'm madly in love with her... +We could do it now, we can go upstairs. ... Please, it's time for us. Come upstairs. I like to watch. +I like to watch. Watch? You mean just watch me? Doing it alone? +Watch? You mean just watch me? Doing it alone? Yes. I like to watch very much. +Yes. I like to watch very much. Well, if that's what you want, then I want it too. We can go this way. +Well, if that's what you want, then I want it too. We can go this way. I want to tell Eve. +I want to tell Eve. Tell Eve? You mean Mrs. Rand? +Tell Eve? You mean Mrs. Rand? Yes. +Yes. Oh, you can tell her later. She'll never miss you in this crowd. +Mr. Gardiner, I'm Ronald Stiegler, of Harvard Books. Hello, Ronald. +Hello, Ronald. Mr. Gardiner, my editors and I have been wondering if you'd consider writing a book for us? Something on your political philosophy. What do you say? +Mr. Gardiner, my editors and I have been wondering if you'd consider writing a book for us? Something on your political philosophy. What do you say? I can't write. +I can't write. Of course, who can nowadays? I have trouble writing a post card to my children! Look, we could give you a six figure advance, provide you with the very best ghostwriter, research assistants, proof readers... +Of course, who can nowadays? I have trouble writing a post card to my children! Look, we could give you a six figure advance, provide you with the very best ghostwriter, research assistants, proof readers... I can't read. +I can't read. Of course not! No one has the time to read! One glances at things, watches television... +Of course not! No one has the time to read! One glances at things, watches television... Yes. I like to watch. +Yes. I like to watch. Sure you do! No one reads!... Listen, book publishing isn't exactly a bed of roses these days... +Sure you do! No one reads!... Listen, book publishing isn't exactly a bed of roses these days... What sort of bed is it? +May I help you, Mr. Gardiner? Yes. I would like to go to Rand Memorial Hospital. +Yes. I would like to go to Rand Memorial Hospital. ... Sir? +... Sir? Yes. +... Did you wish to see someone, sir? Yes, I would like to see Ben. +Yes, I would like to see Ben. Oh, Mr. Rand, of course. Right this way, sir. +Mr. Chance, I'm very pleased to meet you. Yes. +... Then you really are a gardener? Yes. +Yes. Your appearance doesn't suggest that at all, Mr. Chance. +Your appearance doesn't suggest that at all, Mr. Chance. Oh. Thank you. +What about money? I never needed money. +Some pictures...? Yes. Of men and women. +Yes. Of men and women. ... Oh. +How about taxes, Mr. Chance, surely you must have paid taxes? No. +Might you have a birth certificate, Mr. Chance? No. That's where Joe fixed the bricks. +I am allowed to go to the attic and select any of the Old Man's suits. They all fit me very well. I can also take his shirts, shoes and coats. It is quite amazing how those clothes have come back into style. +It is quite amazing how those clothes have come back into style. Yes. I have seen styles on television. +Good day, Mr. Chance. Good day, Sally. +This is terrible, sir - I hope you're not badly injured... No. I'm not badly injured. But my leg is very sore. +Can you walk? It's not broken, is it? It's very sore. +I don't think we should call anyone just yet, it may not even be all that serious. I agree. +I agree. Let's have a look, do you mind? +Let's have a look, do you mind? Of course. I would like to look. +It's starting to swell, is it painful? Yes. +Please, sir. I've never ridden in an automobile. +I've never ridden in an automobile. I assure you, sir, David is a very careful driver. Please, won't you let us take you? +I assure you, sir, David is a very careful driver. Please, won't you let us take you? ... Yes. You can take me. +... Yes. You can take me. Very good. +... My suitcase. Yes sir. I'll take care of that. +Does it have a television? No - but Mr. Rand does have one with an electric motor, that way he can get around by himself. +No - but Mr. Rand does have one with an electric motor, that way he can get around by himself. I see. +How long do we stay in here? How long? I don't know, see what the doctor says ... +... That is a very small room. Yes sir, I guess that's true smallest room in the house. +Yes sir, I guess that's true smallest room in the house. Yes. It seems to be. +... Hmmm... Elevator. ... Yes sir - elevator! +... Evening, Chance. ... Good evening, Louise. +... The Old Man is getting weaker, Chance. I see. +I see. I'm afraid he's slippin' a bit with every hour that goes by... +... Back up those stairs - damn... That Man's needin' me more and more just before he never needs me again... Is his back feeling better? +Good morning, Louise. He's dead, Chance! The Old Man's dead! +He's dead, Chance! The Old Man's dead! ... I see. +... I see. Must of happened durin' the night, I don't know... Lord, he wasn't breathin' and as cold as a fish. I touched him, just to see, and you believe me, Chance - that's doin' more than I get paid to do... Then I just covered him up, pulled the sheet over his head... +Must of happened durin' the night, I don't know... Lord, he wasn't breathin' and as cold as a fish. I touched him, just to see, and you believe me, Chance - that's doin' more than I get paid to do... Then I just covered him up, pulled the sheet over his head... Yes. I've seen that done. +Yes. I've seen that done. Then I got the hell out of that room and called the doctor and I think I woke him probably, he wasn't any too alert. He just said, 'Yeah, he's been expectin' it and said he'd send somebody over...' Lord, what a mornin'! +Then I got the hell out of that room and called the doctor and I think I woke him probably, he wasn't any too alert. He just said, 'Yeah, he's been expectin' it and said he'd send somebody over...' Lord, what a mornin'! ... Yes, Louise, it's snowing in the garden today. Have you looked outside and seen the snow? It's very white. +Dammit, Boy! Is that all you got to say? More gobbledegook? That Old Man's layin' up there dead as hell and it just don't make any difference to you! Yes, Louise. I have seen it often. It happens to old people. +Yes, Louise. I have seen it often. It happens to old people. Well, ain't that the truth... +Well, ain't that the truth... Yes. It is. +Oh, Lord, Chance - I don't know what I was expectin' from you... I'm sorry for yellin' like I did... No sir, I just don't know what I was expectin' ... ... I 'spose I'd better gather up some breakfast for you... Yes, I'm very hungry. +Yes, I'm very hungry. Well, no more stewin' those prunes every mornin', that's somethin', I guess... ... what are you goin' to do now, Chance? +Well, no more stewin' those prunes every mornin', that's somethin', I guess... ... what are you goin' to do now, Chance? I'm going to work in the garden. +... Well, ain't you the gentleman this mornin'... ... gotta go now, Chance... Yes. +Yes. You're gonna need somebody, someone's gotta be around for you, boy... ... You oughta find yourself a lady, Chance... But I guess it oughta be an old lady, 'cause you ain't gonna do a young one any good, not with that little thing of yours... ... You're always gonna be a little boy, ain't you? ... Goodbye, Chance... +Mr. Gardiner, how very nice to have you with us this evening. Yes. +Yes. I'd like to thank you for filling in on such short notice for the Vice President. +I'd like to thank you for filling in on such short notice for the Vice President. You're welcome. +You're welcome. I always find it surprising, Mr. Gardiner, to find men like yourself, who are working so intimately with the President, yet manage to remain relatively unknown. +I always find it surprising, Mr. Gardiner, to find men like yourself, who are working so intimately with the President, yet manage to remain relatively unknown. Yes. That is surprising. +Yes. That is surprising. ... Well, your anonymity will be a thing of the past from now on. +... Well, your anonymity will be a thing of the past from now on. I hope so. +I hope so. Yes... Of course, you know, Mr. Gardiner, that I always prefer an open and frank conversation with my guests, I hope you don't object to that. +Yes... Of course, you know, Mr. Gardiner, that I always prefer an open and frank conversation with my guests, I hope you don't object to that. No. I don't object. +No. I don't object. Fine, then let's get started. The current state of our country is of vital interest to us all, and I would like to know if you agree with the President's view of the economy? +Fine, then let's get started. The current state of our country is of vital interest to us all, and I would like to know if you agree with the President's view of the economy? Which view? +Come now, Mr. Gardiner, before his speech at the Financial Institute the President consulted with you and Benjamin Rand, did he not? Yes. I was there with Ben. +Yes. I was there with Ben. I know that, Mr. Gardiner. +I know that, Mr. Gardiner. Yes. +Yes. Well, let me rephrase the question; the President compared the economy of this country to a garden, and stated that after a period of decline a time of growth would naturally follow. Do you go along with this belief? +Well, let me rephrase the question; the President compared the economy of this country to a garden, and stated that after a period of decline a time of growth would naturally follow. Do you go along with this belief? Yes, I know the garden very well. I have worked in it all my life. It is a good garden and a healthy one; its trees are healthy and so are its shrubs and flowers, as long as they are trimmed and watered in the right seasons. The garden needs a lot of care. I do agree with the President; everything in it will grow strong, and there is plenty of room in it for new trees and new flowers of all kinds. +Don't we need a leader capable of guiding us through the seasons? The bad as well as the good? Yes. We need a very good gardener. +Well, Mr. Gardiner, from the sound of our audience, I'd say that your words are a most welcome respite from what we've been hearing from others... Thank you. +I'm sorry to say that our time is running short, but before we close, I'd like to ask one final question. What sort of gardener, sir, would you be? I am a very serious gardener. +Hello, Thomas... I'm Chance, the gardener. ... The gardener? ... Yes, of course... Mr. Chance, this is Ms. Hayes. +... We're with Franklin, Jennings and Roberts, the law firm handling the estate. Yes, Thomas - I understand. +... Are you waiting for someone? An appointment? Yes. I'm waiting for my lunch. +Yes. I'm waiting for my lunch. Your lunch? You have a luncheon appointment here? +Your lunch? You have a luncheon appointment here? Yes. Louise will bring me lunch. +Yes. Louise will bring me lunch. Louise?... The maid?... But she should have left earlier today... +Louise?... The maid?... But she should have left earlier today... I see... +I see... ... You've quite a sense of humor, Mr. Chance - but all kidding aside, may I ask just what you are doing here? +... You've quite a sense of humor, Mr. Chance - but all kidding aside, may I ask just what you are doing here? I live here. +I live here. You live here? ... We don't have any record of that. +You live here? ... We don't have any record of that. Yes. It's very cold outside today, isn't it, Thomas? +Yes. It's very cold outside today, isn't it, Thomas? ... How long have you been living here? +... How long have you been living here? Ever since I can remember, since I was a child. +Ever since I can remember, since I was a child. Since you were a child? +Since you were a child? Yes, Thomas. I have always been here. I have always worked in the garden. +Do you have any proof of your employment, Mr. Chance - any checks from the deceased, any contracts or documents? No. +No. How were you compensated for these duties you say you performed? +How were you compensated for these duties you say you performed? Compensated...? +Compensated...? How were you paid? +How were you paid? I was given meals, and a home... +Mr. Chance, perhaps you could show us some identification with your address -- a Driver's License, a credit card, checkbook? No, I do not have any of those. +No, I do not have any of those. Then how about medical records? Could you give us the name of your doctor, or your dentist? +Then how about medical records? Could you give us the name of your doctor, or your dentist? I have no need for a doctor or dentist. I have never been ill. I have never been allowed outside of this house, and, except for Joe, I have never had any visitors. +I have no need for a doctor or dentist. I have never been ill. I have never been allowed outside of this house, and, except for Joe, I have never had any visitors. ... Joe? Who's Joe? +... Joe? Who's Joe? Joe Saracini. He was a mason that did some repairs on the brickwork at the rear of the house. That was in 1952. +Joe Saracini. He was a mason that did some repairs on the brickwork at the rear of the house. That was in 1952. 1952...? +1952...? Yes. I remember when he came. He was very fat and had short hair and showed me some pictures from a funny little book. +Mr. Chance, that was twenty-seven years ago. Yes and the Old Man used to come to my garden. He would read and rest there. +Yes and the Old Man used to come to my garden. He would read and rest there. Come now, Mr. Jennings had been bedridden for thirty-five years, since he fractured his spine. +Come now, Mr. Jennings had been bedridden for thirty-five years, since he fractured his spine. Yes, Thomas, that is correct. Then he stopped visiting my garden. +Yes, Thomas, that is correct. Then he stopped visiting my garden. ... We shall need some proof of your having resided here, Mr. Chance. +... We shall need some proof of your having resided here, Mr. Chance. You have me, I am here. What more proof do you need? +Have you served in the Army? No, Thomas. But I have seen the Army on television. +Those trees were very young when I first arrived. Are you related to the deceased, Mr. Chance? +Are you related to the deceased, Mr. Chance? No, I don't think so. And I have planted and shaped all the hedges, and in the springtime you will be able to see my flowers. +... Do you drive this, Mr. Chance? No, Thomas. I have never been in an automobile. +The Old Man gave me nice television sets, this one has remote control. He has one just like it. Mr. Chance, the fact remains that we have no information of your having any connection with the deceased. +Mr. Chance, the fact remains that we have no information of your having any connection with the deceased. Yes, I understand. +What are your plans now, Mr. Chance? I would like to stay and work in my garden. +Mr. Chance, assuming what you say is the truth, I would like to know what sort of claim you are planning to make against the deceased's estate. I'm fine, Thomas. The garden is a healthy one. There is no need for a claim. +I'm fine, Thomas. The garden is a healthy one. There is no need for a claim. Good. That's good. Then if you would please sign a paper to that effect. +No, Thomas. I don't know how to sign. Come now, Mr. Chance. +Come now, Mr. Chance. I have no claim, Thomas. +I have no claim, Thomas. But you won't sign, correct? +But you won't sign, correct? Correct. +Correct. Very well, Mr. Chance - if you insist on dragging this matter on... But I must inform you this house will be closed tomorrow at noon. If indeed, you do reside here, you will have to move out. +Very well, Mr. Chance - if you insist on dragging this matter on... But I must inform you this house will be closed tomorrow at noon. If indeed, you do reside here, you will have to move out. Move out? I don't understand, Thomas. +Move out? I don't understand, Thomas. I think you do, Mr. Chance. However, I will reiterate, this house is closed and you must leave... Call me if you change your mind about signing. C'mon, Sally - let's grab a bite... +Good morning, Mr. President. ... Hello. +You look much taller on television, Mr. President. ... Oh, really... +Well, Mr. Gardiner, that's just fine with me - I'm a man that appreciates a frank discussion... Be seated, please, Mr. Gardiner... Yes, I will. +Yes, I will. Now, Ben, did you happen to get a chance to... +Do you agree with Ben, Mr. Gardiner? Are we finished? Or do you think we can stimulate growth through temporary incentives? As long as the roots are not severed, all is well and all will be well in the garden. +As long as the roots are not severed, all is well and all will be well in the garden. ... In the garden? +... In the garden? That is correct. In a garden, growth has its season. There is spring and summer, but there is also fall and winter. And then spring and summer again... +That is correct. In a garden, growth has its season. There is spring and summer, but there is also fall and winter. And then spring and summer again... ... Spring and summer... Yes, I see... Fall and winter. Yes, indeed... Could you go through that one more time, please, Mr. Gardiner? +Yes. It has. ... You will honor me and my family with a visit, won't you? +... You will honor me and my family with a visit, won't you? Yes. I will. +Yes. I will. Wonderful, we'll all look forward to seeing you. Is Eve around? I'd like to say hello. +... Gardiner is laconic, matter-of fact. The scuttlebutt is that he's a strong candidate for one of the vacant seats on the board of First American. But before we can do any sort of a piece on the man, we're going to need facts on his background... ... Kinney, what did you come up with? ... Nothing. +... Nothing. ... Skip the levity, Kinney - what have you got? +... Skip the levity, Kinney - what have you got? ... I realize this sounds banal but there is no information of any sort on Gardiner. We have no material on him - zilch... +... Sid, be reasonable - I've been everywhere, there's no place left to check! Try again. +Try again. Sure, try again - where? There's nothing, it's like he never existed! +Sure, try again - where? There's nothing, it's like he never existed! Try again. +Try again. Sid, it's useless! +Sid, it's useless! I said - try again. +Oh, Ben - I miss you so when I'm out... How are you feeling? Tired... And I'm getting tired of being so tired. Other than that, I'm doing very well. +Tired... And I'm getting tired of being so tired. Other than that, I'm doing very well. No headaches? +No headaches? No, it's been a good day - better than yours, from what I've been told. +No, it's been a good day - better than yours, from what I've been told. You heard? +You heard? I may be a shut-in, but I do not lack for news. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. +I may be a shut-in, but I do not lack for news. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Oh, it wasn't all that bad, darling. We were fortunate that Mr. Gardiner turned out to be so reasonable. +Oh, it wasn't all that bad, darling. We were fortunate that Mr. Gardiner turned out to be so reasonable. Reasonable? Good, I'd like to meet a reasonable man. Why don't you ask this Gardiner to join us for dinner? +Reasonable? Good, I'd like to meet a reasonable man. Why don't you ask this Gardiner to join us for dinner? Do you feel well enough for that? +Do you feel well enough for that? Hah!... Tell me the truth, Eve - if I wait until I feel better, will I ever meet the man? +Oh. I'm very sorry. Well, if you have any need for any of our facilities, please do not hesitate to ask. Do you need a secretary? +I'm becoming quite attached to Chauncey - quite attached... ... And so are you, aren't you, Eve. ... Yes, I am, Ben. +... Yes, I am, Ben. That's good... That's good. +... Ben, really... ... Thank you, Chauncey... Thank you very much. ... All right, Robert, I'm all yours. +Good evening, Mrs. Rand. Good evening, Wilson. +Good evening, Wilson. I shall take the gentleman to the third floor guest suite, ma'am. Dr. Allenby is standing by. +I shall take the gentleman to the third floor guest suite, ma'am. Dr. Allenby is standing by. Thank you, Wilson. That will be fine. +Thank you, Greta. I'll be with Mr. Rand if I'm needed. Yes, ma'am. +Yes, ma'am. I'll see you after the doctor has a look at your leg, Mr. Gardiner. +Eve, child! How nice of you to come. Hello, Sophie. +And look who you brought with! Sophie, this is Chauncey Gardiner... +Sophie, this is Chauncey Gardiner... Oh, I've been just dying to meet you, Mr. Gardiner! +Oh, I've been just dying to meet you, Mr. Gardiner! Chauncey, this is Mrs. Sophia Rowley. +Come on, Eve. Let's let the men talk, there are so many people that have been asking about you. Would you two excuse me for a moment? +... How are the kids getting along? Oh. Well, I just talked to Cindy this morning. She loves California, but to quote her, she says, 'The Secret Service is getting to be a drag.' I guess she wants her privacy... +Oh. Well, I just talked to Cindy this morning. She loves California, but to quote her, she says, 'The Secret Service is getting to be a drag.' I guess she wants her privacy... Huh... I'm glad they're along with her, if you know what I mean... How about Jack? +Huh... I'm glad they're along with her, if you know what I mean... How about Jack? Well, I think Jack needs some time alone with you, darling... He's getting to that age, you know... He really misses you... +Well, I think Jack needs some time alone with you, darling... He's getting to that age, you know... He really misses you... Yeah... I'll have a talk with him as soon as... +... Maybe you should talk to somebody, darling. No, that won't do any good. +No, that won't do any good. ... Is it me? Is there something I've done? +... Is it me? Is there something I've done? Oh, no, sweetheart - it's not you... +Oh, no, sweetheart - it's not you... It's your damn job. It never happened when you were a senator... +It's your damn job. It never happened when you were a senator... It's not that, I just... +I can certainly understand that... Of course... I'm so sorry for you, Eve... +... This is another world, Tom - I never would have believed it... Yeah... He and my father used to ride together back in the thirties... Fox hunting... Before I was born... +Yeah... He and my father used to ride together back in the thirties... Fox hunting... Before I was born... ... Would you take me on a tour? +... Would you take me on a tour? Gladly... ... The safe is in Mr. Jennings' bedroom, that'll be stop number one. +... What do you make of all this? I really don't know, Tom - he seems so honest and simple... In a way, he's quite charming... +I really don't know, Tom - he seems so honest and simple... In a way, he's quite charming... ... Yeah... +... Yeah... ... It's very bizarre - I don't know what to think... +... It's very bizarre - I don't know what to think... Well... He's either very, very bright or very, very dense - he's hard to figure... ... Let's just keep everything legal. +It's that gardener! Yes, Chauncey Gardiner. +Yes, Chauncey Gardiner. No! He's a real gardener! +No! He's a real gardener! He does talk like one, but I think he's brilliant. +... Business, bullshit! Going out in the middle of the night to meet that bitch in a bar... Sally Hayes is not a bitch - she's a damn fine attorney! I've got to talk to her about this Gardiner... +Sally Hayes is not a bitch - she's a damn fine attorney! I've got to talk to her about this Gardiner... Good night. +Good night. Look, Johanna... +Look, Johanna... I said good night! +Yes? What have you found? We have nothing on him, Ambassador Skrapinov. +We have nothing on him, Ambassador Skrapinov. Quietly, please. Mr. Gardiner, for one, understands our language. +Quietly, please. Mr. Gardiner, for one, understands our language. Sorry, Comrade Ambassador. +Sorry, Comrade Ambassador. What do you mean there is nothing? That's impossible. +What do you mean there is nothing? That's impossible. There is no information available on the man before he moved into Benjamin Rand's. It has proven to be such a difficult task that it has resulted in the loss of one of our agents to the United States Government. +But... Where was this man Gardiner before last week? Apparently the White House shares our curiosity - they have also launched an investigation, and, according to our sources, neither the F.B.I. nor the C.I.A. has met with success. +Apparently the White House shares our curiosity - they have also launched an investigation, and, according to our sources, neither the F.B.I. nor the C.I.A. has met with success. I see. Clearly, such interest on their part is of great political significance. +I see. Clearly, such interest on their part is of great political significance. Clearly, yes comrade. +Clearly, yes comrade. "Hmmm... Take this down. I want this quote included in the Tass coverage; 'Chauncey Gardiner, in an intimate discussion with Ambassador Skrapinov, noted that ""Unless the leaders of the opposing political systems move the chairs on which they sit closer to each other, all of their seats will be pulled from under them by rapid social and political changes.""'" +"Hmmm... Take this down. I want this quote included in the Tass coverage; 'Chauncey Gardiner, in an intimate discussion with Ambassador Skrapinov, noted that ""Unless the leaders of the opposing political systems move the chairs on which they sit closer to each other, all of their seats will be pulled from under them by rapid social and political changes.""'" Very good, Your Excellency. +Kaufman, I'm going to need information on Mr. Chauncey Gardiner's background. Gardiner, yes, sir. +Gardiner, yes, sir. And put it through on a Code Red - I want it as soon as possible. +And put it through on a Code Red - I want it as soon as possible. No problem, Chief. +... Gentlemen, I quoted this man on national television today he is obviously a financial sophisticate of some reknown. Yes, sir - we are aware of all that, but still, we haven't been able to... +Yes, sir - we are aware of all that, but still, we haven't been able to... He's an advisor and close personal friend of Rand's! For Christ sakes, they have volumes of data on Benjamin! +He's an advisor and close personal friend of Rand's! For Christ sakes, they have volumes of data on Benjamin! Yes, Mr. President, we attempted to contact Mr. Rand, but he was too ill to... +Yes, Mr. President, we attempted to contact Mr. Rand, but he was too ill to... I do not want Benjamin Rand disturbed! You have other ways of gathering information than to trouble a dying man. Use whatever agencies are necessary to put together a detailed history of Chauncey Gardiner, if you run into problems, alert Honeycutt. I'll be in the office at seven in the morning and I would like to have it at that time. I've got to take a leak. +I do not want Benjamin Rand disturbed! You have other ways of gathering information than to trouble a dying man. Use whatever agencies are necessary to put together a detailed history of Chauncey Gardiner, if you run into problems, alert Honeycutt. I'll be in the office at seven in the morning and I would like to have it at that time. I've got to take a leak. Right, Chief. +This is not what I requested. No, sir. +No, sir. This information goes back three days. I want the standard file, you know that. +This information goes back three days. I want the standard file, you know that. Right, Chief. +Right, Chief. So...? Where the hell is it? +So...? Where the hell is it? We... uh, have been unable to come up with any information before the man appeared at Mr. Rand's home ... and, uh... +We... uh, have been unable to come up with any information before the man appeared at Mr. Rand's home ... and, uh... What the hell are you talking about, Kaufman? +What the hell are you talking about, Kaufman? Well, we do have data from Honeycutt's sources, Chief - but it isn't pertinent. +Well, we do have data from Honeycutt's sources, Chief - but it isn't pertinent. I'd like to hear that data, Kaufman. +I'd like to hear that data, Kaufman. Yes, sir. +... So what does all that add up to? Well, sir - it occurred to us that he might be an agent of a foreign power. But, we ruled that out, as they invariably are provided with too much documentation, too much American identity... We, uh...don't quite know what to make of it yet, sir... But we'll keep on top of it, Mr. President - we'll come up with the answer. +Well, sir - it occurred to us that he might be an agent of a foreign power. But, we ruled that out, as they invariably are provided with too much documentation, too much American identity... We, uh...don't quite know what to make of it yet, sir... But we'll keep on top of it, Mr. President - we'll come up with the answer. I would appreciate that. +Sorry to disturb you, chief but we have new developments. Oh? What? +Oh? What? We have word that the Soviets have put out a top priority alert for information on Gardiner's background. So far, they haven't come up with a thing - what's more, as a result of their eagerness, one of their ablest agents blew his cover, we have him in custody at this time. +We have word that the Soviets have put out a top priority alert for information on Gardiner's background. So far, they haven't come up with a thing - what's more, as a result of their eagerness, one of their ablest agents blew his cover, we have him in custody at this time. Good. Anything else? +Good. Anything else? Yes, chief - eight other foreign powers have put Gardiner under surveillance. We're around-the clock now, sir - I'll keep you posted. +The rank-and-file in the FBI feel he is FBI, but others feel he is a CIA man who knows how to destroy FBI files. That could be possible... +That could be possible... But we are quite certain, comrade, that this man Gardiner is a leading member of an American elitist faction planning a coup d'etat. +But we are quite certain, comrade, that this man Gardiner is a leading member of an American elitist faction planning a coup d'etat. A coup d'etat! Of course, that was foreseen by Lenin himself! +A coup d'etat! Of course, that was foreseen by Lenin himself! That is correct, Comrade Skrapinov. We have ascertained that Gardiner heads a big-business power group that will soon be taking over the American government. +That is correct, Comrade Skrapinov. We have ascertained that Gardiner heads a big-business power group that will soon be taking over the American government. Big business. I could work with that faction quite nicely, Colonel Novogrod. +Big business. I could work with that faction quite nicely, Colonel Novogrod. You have proven that already, Comrade Skrapinov, you are to be congratulated for recognizing the importance of this man and establishing an early friendship. +You have proven that already, Comrade Skrapinov, you are to be congratulated for recognizing the importance of this man and establishing an early friendship. Thank you, Colonel. +Thank you, Colonel. Let us toast to the success of the coup. +Ben! ... Mr. President, how good to see you. +... Mr. President, how good to see you. It's so good to see you too, Ben, you look terrific! +It's so good to see you too, Ben, you look terrific! I'm not convinced of that, Mr. President, but your visit has raised my spirits... +I'm not convinced of that, Mr. President, but your visit has raised my spirits... Well, I'm delighted to be here, my friend. I've missed you. Here, sit down, get off your feet. +Mr. President, I'd like you to meet my dear friend, Mr. Chauncey Gardiner. Mr. Gardiner, my pleasure. +I just wondered if you had gone over my speech, Ben. Yes, I did. +Yes, I did. ... Well? +... Well? Overall - pretty good. But, Mr. President, I think it's very dangerous to resort to temporary measures at this stage of the game. +Overall - pretty good. But, Mr. President, I think it's very dangerous to resort to temporary measures at this stage of the game. Well, Ben... I... +Well, Ben... I... I sympathize with your position, Mr. President, I know how difficult it is to be straightforward, the reaction to such a speech could be chaos. +I sympathize with your position, Mr. President, I know how difficult it is to be straightforward, the reaction to such a speech could be chaos. That's too big a risk, I can't take the chance. +... There is no longer any margin for inflation, it has gone as far as it can, you've reached your limits on taxation, dependence on foreign energy has reached a crisis, and, from where I see it, Mr. President, the Free Enterprise System has reached the breaking point. We are on the brink of another crash from which recovery might not be possible. It's that serious, huh? +It's that serious, huh? I'm afraid so. +No, she flew up to Boston for another charity event. She'll be sorry to have missed you. I'm sorry, too. Well, Nancy wanted me to send along her best to the two of you - and, Ben, I want to thank you for your time and thoughts. +I'm sorry, too. Well, Nancy wanted me to send along her best to the two of you - and, Ben, I want to thank you for your time and thoughts. Nonsense, Mr. President - I thank you for coming to spend time with a dying man. +Nonsense, Mr. President - I thank you for coming to spend time with a dying man. Now, Ben, I won't have any of that. Why don't you listen to your good friend Chauncey this is a time to think of life! +You're right, Mr. President I don't like feeling sorry for myself. Take care of yourself, Ben. +Take care of yourself, Ben. You take care too, Bobby. +You take care too, Bobby. Mr. Gardiner... +John! Great to see you! Sorry about the cunt at reception. This is my fiancee Maxine. +I'll get right to the point, Larry. I'm a puppet now... Okay. +Okay. I'm being controlled by the world's greatest puppeteer, Craig Schwartz... +I'm being controlled by the world's greatest puppeteer, Craig Schwartz... Oh yeah, he's good. +Oh yeah, he's good. ... and I want to show off his skills by performing a one-puppet extravaganza in Reno. +Say, aren't you that actor guy? Yeah. +Yeah. John Makel... +Malkovich. Malkovich! +Thank you. The one where you're that jewel thief. +The one where you're that jewel thief. I never played a jewel thief. +I never played a jewel thief. Who am I thinking of? +Who am I thinking of? I don't know. +I don't know. I'm pretty sure it was you. Hey, could I get your autograph now? It's for .... oh, what the hell, it's for me! I'm your biggest fan! +I'm pretty sure it was you. Hey, could I get your autograph now? It's for .... oh, what the hell, it's for me! I'm your biggest fan! Yeah, okay. +Hello, I'm here about the ad. Please, have a seat. +When you say, I can be somebody else, what do you mean exactly? Exactly that. We can put you inside someone else's body for fifteen minutes. +Exactly that. We can put you inside someone else's body for fifteen minutes. Oh, this is just the medical breakthrough I've been waiting for. Are their any side effects? Please say no! Please say no! +Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thousand times, thank you! Tell your friends. +Tell your friends. Oh, I will, and I have many, many friends and associates, my friend. All, by the way, in Overeaters Anonymous. All of them fat and alone like me, all of them dream of being someone else, all of them with John Malkovich as their second choice! +Morning. Gotta run. Shipment of grub worms coming in first thing. +Gotta run. Shipment of grub worms coming in first thing. Enjoy. +Enjoy. Craig, listen, honey, I've been thinking... maybe you'd feel better if you got, you know, a job or something. +Craig, listen, honey, I've been thinking... maybe you'd feel better if you got, you know, a job or something. We've been over this. Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate. +We've been over this. Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate. Well, you know, maybe something else until this whole puppet thing turns around. +Well, you know, maybe something else until this whole puppet thing turns around. The Great Mantini doesn't need a day job. +The Great Mantini doesn't need a day job. Craig, everyone can't be Derek Mantini. Well, grub worms are waiting. Do me a favor? +Craig, everyone can't be Derek Mantini. Well, grub worms are waiting. Do me a favor? What? +What? Would you check in on Elijah? He seems to be a little under the weather this morning. +Would you check in on Elijah? He seems to be a little under the weather this morning. Which one is Elijah again? +Which one is Elijah again? The monkey. +The monkey. Yeah. Okay. +Is the trial date set? May 11th. +Why'd you do it, Craig? I'm a puppeteer. +Why, Craig. why? I... puppeteer. +Isn't that cute? I just taught her that. Adorable. What time are they supposed to be here? +Adorable. What time are they supposed to be here? Seven-ish +Seven-ish We have to make it an early night. +We have to make it an early night. They'll understand. Besides I've got a morning appointment tomorrow with Elijah's shrink. We're getting to the bottom of this acid stomach. +They'll understand. Besides I've got a morning appointment tomorrow with Elijah's shrink. We're getting to the bottom of this acid stomach. Hmmm. +Hmmm. Some sort of childhood trauma, she thinks. Possible feelings of inadequacy as a chimp. Interesting, huh? +Some sort of childhood trauma, she thinks. Possible feelings of inadequacy as a chimp. Interesting, huh? Hmmm. +Yeah, just an idea I had. She's very beautiful. +She's very beautiful. Just an idea I had. +Hi. Hi. +Hi. Sorry, I'm so late. Lester just wouldn't let me go. We’re supposed to have dinner with him on Friday. I can get us out of it if you want. He's really amazing, this insane old lech. It's actually sort of amusing when you get past just how disgusting it is. +Did you eat? Nah. I'm not hungry. I'm sorry I didn't call. It was just, you know, hard to get away. +Nah. I'm not hungry. I'm sorry I didn't call. It was just, you know, hard to get away. I was worried. +I was worried. I'm sorry. How was your evening? +I'm sorry. How was your evening? Tom-Tom's puncture wound is infected. +Tom-Tom's puncture wound is infected. The ferret? +The ferret? The iguana. +The iguana. Right. +Right. I dressed the wound. Then I've just been feeding everyone, putting everyone to bed. +I dressed the wound. Then I've just been feeding everyone, putting everyone to bed. Yeah. You want a beer? +Yeah. You want a beer? No thanks. I'm going to turn in. +No thanks. I'm going to turn in. All right. I'll be in my workshop for a little while. I'll be in in a little while. I need to unwind a little. I'll be in soon. A little while. +All right. I'll be in my workshop for a little while. I'll be in in a little while. I need to unwind a little. I'll be in soon. A little while. 'kay. +Don't be ridiculous. There is no such thing as a portal into someone else's brain. Brain. soul, I'm telling you, Lotte. I was right inside him looking out. We're going to be rich. +Brain. soul, I'm telling you, Lotte. I was right inside him looking out. We're going to be rich. I want to try. +I want to try. What? +What? I want to be John Malkovich. Tomorrow morning. Plus I'd like to meet this partner of yours. +I want to be John Malkovich. Tomorrow morning. Plus I'd like to meet this partner of yours. Well, you know we're going to be very busy tomorrow. I'll tell you what. Let's do it tonight. Right now. +Well, you know we're going to be very busy tomorrow. I'll tell you what. Let's do it tonight. Right now. Now? +Now? Yeah. We'll do it right now. On the way to Lester's house. +I'll meet you on the turnpike. I'm scared. +I have to go back. Okay. Maybe tomorrow. +Okay. Maybe tomorrow. I have to go back now. +I have to go back now. We'll talk about it in the car. +I have to go back, Craig. Being inside did something to me. All of a sudden everything made sense. I knew who I was. You weren't you. You were John Malkovich. +You weren't you. You were John Malkovich. I was, wasn't I? I was John fucking Malkovich! Take me back, Craig. +I was, wasn't I? I was John fucking Malkovich! Take me back, Craig. Tomorrow. We're late for Lester. +Lotte! Why aren't you at the pet shop? Fuck pets. Is this your partner? I had to come back and do the Malkovich ride again. Fuck everything else. Is this her? +Why aren't you at work? I've been going over and over my experience last night. It was amazing. I've decided I'm a transsexual. Isn't that the craziest thing? +I've been going over and over my experience last night. It was amazing. I've decided I'm a transsexual. Isn't that the craziest thing? What, are you nuts? That's Oprah talking. +What, are you nuts? That's Oprah talking. Everything felt right for the first time. I need to go back to make sure, then if the feeling is still there. I'm going to speak to Dr. Feldman about sexual reassignment surgery. +Everything felt right for the first time. I need to go back to make sure, then if the feeling is still there. I'm going to speak to Dr. Feldman about sexual reassignment surgery. This is absurd. Besides Feldman's an allergist. If you're going to do something, do it right. +How was it? I have to go back tonight. At eight Exactly. +I have to go back tonight. At eight Exactly. Why? +Why? Don't crowd me, Craig. +So how was it? What was he doing? Oh, you know, not a lot. Just hanging around his apartment. I think he must be a lonely man. +Oh, you know, not a lot. Just hanging around his apartment. I think he must be a lonely man. You see, men can feel unfulfilled, too. I'm glad you're realizing that. You shouldn't be so quick to assume that switching bodies would be the answer to all your problems. +You see, men can feel unfulfilled, too. I'm glad you're realizing that. You shouldn't be so quick to assume that switching bodies would be the answer to all your problems. You're right. You know I was thinking that we should have Maxine over for dinner. Since you two are partners and all. It might be a nice gesture. +You're right. You know I was thinking that we should have Maxine over for dinner. Since you two are partners and all. It might be a nice gesture. I don't know. There's some tension between us. I'd hate to expose you to that. +I don't know. There's some tension between us. I'd hate to expose you to that. It'll be okay. I'll fix my lasagna. We’ll smoke a joint. Tensions will melt away. +Did you know that Eskimos have not one, but fifty words for snow. It's because they have so much of it. After dinner I'll show you my puppets. +What are you doing? I'm moving. Remember? What's with the hooded cloak? +I'm moving. Remember? What's with the hooded cloak? Nothing. Don't go, Craig. I've been thinking. Let's try to work this out. We've got so much history. +Nothing. Don't go, Craig. I've been thinking. Let's try to work this out. We've got so much history. You should feed your animals. They're looking peaked. +You should feed your animals. They're looking peaked. I'm getting rid of the fucking animals. +I'm getting rid of the fucking animals. What? +What? I'm getting rid of the animals. I've lost interest. Besides, they're standing between you and me. +I'm getting rid of the animals. I've lost interest. Besides, they're standing between you and me. No they're not. +No they're not. You've always hated the animals. +You've always hated the animals. You've always loved the animals. +You've always loved the animals. I'm giving them up. I've changed. I've found a new focus. +I'm giving them up. I've changed. I've found a new focus. What's that? +What's that? Us, of course. +What about Maxine? Fuck Maxine. +Fuck Maxine. We wish. +You were him last night, weren't you? Yes. +Yes. And he was with her. +And he was with her. We love her, Craig. I'm sorry. +We love her, Craig. I'm sorry. We? +We? Me and John. +Me and John. Don't forget me. +Don't forget me. Well, you have the Maxine action figure to play with. +I'm sorry. That was nasty. Life is confusing, isn't it? +Life is confusing, isn't it? Sometimes we're forced to make hard decisions. I'd like for us to stay together, Craig. You know, platonically, if that's possible. I truly value our friendship. +Sometimes we're forced to make hard decisions. I'd like for us to stay together, Craig. You know, platonically, if that's possible. I truly value our friendship. I feel that somehow my parents never prepared me to make this particular decision. Not that I blame them. How could they know? Today's world is so complicated. No. I have to go away now. I'm sorry, Lotte. I'm so sorry. +I'm your Goddamn wife. Once you vowed to cherish me forever. Now you hold a gun to my head? Yeah, well welcome to the nineties. +Yeah, well welcome to the nineties. Suck my dick! +Suck my dick! Shut up! +Tell her you need to see her. You bastard. +Tell her, what the hell, close early today, live dangerously. What the hell, darling. Close early today, live dangerously. +It was lovely being you being Malkovich, my dear. I'd never seen the passionate side of sweet Maxine before, or her actual tits for that matter. If only, I've been thinking to myself, if only I could actually feel what Malkovich feels, rather than just see what he sees... And then, dare I say it, if only I could control his arms, his legs, his pelvis, and make them do my bidding. It'll never happen, fuckface. +It'll never happen, fuckface. Ah, but you're forgetting one thing, Lambchop. +Ah, but you're forgetting one thing, Lambchop. What's that? +What's that? I'm a puppeteer. +Once this was a relationship based on love. Now you have me in a cage with a monkey and a gun to my head. Things change. Anyway, you gave up your claim to that love the first time you stuck your dick in Maxine. +Things change. Anyway, you gave up your claim to that love the first time you stuck your dick in Maxine. You fell in love with her first. +You fell in love with her first. Yeah but I didn't do anything about it. Out of respect for our marriage. +Yeah but I didn't do anything about it. Out of respect for our marriage. You didn't do anything about it out of respect for the fact that she wouldn't let you near her with a ten foot pole, which is, by the way, about nine feet, nine inches off the mark anyway. +You didn't do anything about it out of respect for the fact that she wouldn't let you near her with a ten foot pole, which is, by the way, about nine feet, nine inches off the mark anyway. That's true. Oh, God, Lotte, what have I become? My wife in a cage with a monkey. A gun in my hand. Betrayal in my heart. +That's true. Oh, God, Lotte, what have I become? My wife in a cage with a monkey. A gun in my hand. Betrayal in my heart. Maybe this is what you've always been, Craig, you just never faced it before. +Maybe this is what you've always been, Craig, you just never faced it before. Perhaps you're right. I can't let you go though. Too much has happened. You're my ace in the hole. +Perhaps you're right. I can't let you go though. Too much has happened. You're my ace in the hole. I need a shower. +I need a shower. "I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm some kind of monster. I'm the guy you read about in the paper and go, ""he's some kind of monster.""" +"I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm some kind of monster. I'm the guy you read about in the paper and go, ""he's some kind of monster.""" You're not a monster, Craig. Just a confused man. +You're not a monster, Craig. Just a confused man. I love you so much. +My God! I'm so glad you're safe. You look really wonderful. +I'm so glad you're safe. You look really wonderful. I'm in love. For the first time. It's funny, but when it happens to you, there's no question. +I'm in love. For the first time. It's funny, but when it happens to you, there's no question. He's a lucky man. Do I know him? +He's a lucky man. Do I know him? It's Elijah. +It's Elijah. The iguana? +The iguana? The monkey. +The monkey. Oh, right. As long as you're happy. I'm sure he's a better lover than I ever was. +Oh, right. As long as you're happy. I'm sure he's a better lover than I ever was. A better friend. +A better friend. I'm sorry for everything. +I'm sorry for everything. It's okay, Craig. It all worked out, in an odd sort of way. +It's okay, Craig. It all worked out, in an odd sort of way. You came up here looking for the portal? +You came up here looking for the portal? Yeah. I was going to kill him from the inside. +Yeah. I was going to kill him from the inside. And yourself too in the process. God, you're so beautiful. Why couldn't I see that before? +And yourself too in the process. God, you're so beautiful. Why couldn't I see that before? You saw it once. Now you see it again. That's life, isn't it? And you were up here to try the same thing, weren't you? +You saw it once. Now you see it again. That's life, isn't it? And you were up here to try the same thing, weren't you? I suppose. But they got here first, the lousy bastards. So now it's all over, I guess. +I suppose. But they got here first, the lousy bastards. So now it's all over, I guess. I don't know. There's a small community of us. We have a place they don't know about. We're happy. We'll keep trying to figure out a way. Come stay with us. Join the struggle. +I don't know. There's a small community of us. We have a place they don't know about. We're happy. We'll keep trying to figure out a way. Come stay with us. Join the struggle. You'll have me, after all I've done to you? +You'll have me, after all I've done to you? People make mistakes. +People make mistakes. I'm through with puppets, Lotte. I just want you to know that. +I'm through with puppets, Lotte. I just want you to know that. I know. +I know. I'd like to be a farmer. I want to help things grow, to encourage life. Do you and your friends need a farmer? +I'd like to be a farmer. I want to help things grow, to encourage life. Do you and your friends need a farmer? Sure. We could really use a farmer. We'd be grateful for the help. Also, I think, you know, if you wouldn't mind too terribly, a little puppet show every once in a while, would do a lot to lift our spirits. You know, if you wouldn't mind too terribly. +Maxine... I can't believe it. This is too good to be true. +Holy shit, yes! Holy shit, yes! +Holy shit, yes! Holy shit! He said what I said! +Holy shit! He said what I said! Holy shit! He said what I said! +Mr. Malkovich, my name is Craig Schwartz. I can explain. We operate a little business her that... simulates, for our clientele, the experience of... being you, actually. Simulates? +Simulates? Sure, after a fashion. +Sure, after a fashion. Let me try. +Let me try. You? Why I'm sure it would pale in comparison to the actual experience. +You? Why I'm sure it would pale in comparison to the actual experience. Let me try! +So how was it? That... was... no... simulation. +That... was... no... simulation. I know. I'm sorry... +I know. I'm sorry... I have been to the dark side. I have seen a world that no man should ever see. +I have been to the dark side. I have seen a world that no man should ever see. Really? For most people it's a rather pleasant experience. What exactly did you... +Really? For most people it's a rather pleasant experience. What exactly did you... This portal is mine and must be sealed up forever. For the love of God. +This portal is mine and must be sealed up forever. For the love of God. With all respect, sir, I discovered that portal. Its my livelihood. +With all respect, sir, I discovered that portal. Its my livelihood. It's my head, Schwartz, and I'll see you in court! +Welcome to LesterCorp. May we meet your filing needs? No, uh, my name is Craig Schwartz. I have an interview with Mr. Lester. +No, uh, my name is Craig Schwartz. I have an interview with Mr. Lester. Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez... +Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez... Schwartz. +Schwartz. Pardon? +Pardon? Schwartz. +Schwartz. I'm sorry, I'm afraid I have no idea what you're saying right now. +I'm sorry, I'm afraid I have no idea what you're saying right now. My name is Schwartz. +My name is Schwartz. Money, Miss Warts? +Money, Miss Warts? Forget it. +Mr. Juarez? Yes? +Yes? Yex? +Yex? "I said ""yes.""" +"I said ""yes.""" You suggest what? I have no time for piddling suggestions from mumbling job applicants, my good man. Besides, Dr. Lester will see you now. I think that's what he said. +You're not like the other boys we've had here. Granted, I can't understand what you're saying either, but your soft palette resonates tremendously well and you never ever constrict your epiglottis. I am a trained performer. +I am a trained performer. Music to my ears! Whatever you said. Speak, speak, speak, my magnificent friend, speak! +Floris, you're very nice, but I'm afraid I’m in love with somebody else. I'm afraid I... have no idea what you are saying... you bastard! +Come in, Mr. Juarez. I'd stand, but, well, you know. Actually, my name is Craig Schwartz, Dr. Lester. +Security. No, it's okay, sir. Just a mixup with your secretary. +No, it's okay, sir. Just a mixup with your secretary. She's not my secretary. She's what they call an executive liaison, and I'm not banging her, if that's what you’re implying. +She's not my secretary. She's what they call an executive liaison, and I'm not banging her, if that's what you’re implying. Not at all, Dr. Lester. I simply misspoke. +Not at all, Dr. Lester. I simply misspoke. Tell me, Dr. Schwartz, what do you feel you can bring to LesterCorp? +Tell me, Dr. Schwartz, what do you feel you can bring to LesterCorp? Well, sir, I'm an excellent filer. +Well, sir, I'm an excellent filer. You think so, eh? Which comes first, L or... Glooph? +You think so, eh? Which comes first, L or... Glooph? Glooph is not a letter, sir. +Glooph is not a letter, sir. Damn, you are good. I tried to trick you. Okay, put these in order. +You don't have a speech impediment, Dr. Lester. "Flattery will get you everywhere, my boy. But I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on this one. You see, she has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western. Perhaps you've read her memoirs, ""I can't understand a word any of you are saying.""" +"Flattery will get you everywhere, my boy. But I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on this one. You see, she has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western. Perhaps you've read her memoirs, ""I can't understand a word any of you are saying.""" No. +No. Pity, it tells it like it is. That's why the eastern, read Jewish, publishing establishment won't touch it. That's a quote from the book jacket. George Will, I think. I apologize if you can't understan a word I'm saying, Dr. Schwartz. +Pity, it tells it like it is. That's why the eastern, read Jewish, publishing establishment won't touch it. That's a quote from the book jacket. George Will, I think. I apologize if you can't understan a word I'm saying, Dr. Schwartz. No. I understand perfectly. +No. I understand perfectly. Thank you for being kind enough to lie. You see, I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech. You're hired. Any questions? +Thank you for being kind enough to lie. You see, I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech. You're hired. Any questions? Just one. Why is this floor so short? +Just one. Why is this floor so short? Low overhead, m'boy. We pass the savings on to you. But seriously, that's all covered in orientation. +Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz. Why, if I were eighty years younger, I'd box your ears. I wasn't toying with her, sir. I was just... How old are you? +I wasn't toying with her, sir. I was just... How old are you? One hundred and five. Carrot juice. Lot's of it. I swear, it's almost not worth it. I piss orange. Oh, and I, have to piss sitting down... like a godamn girly... every fifteen minutes. But nobody wants to die, Schwartz. +One hundred and five. Carrot juice. Lot's of it. I swear, it's almost not worth it. I piss orange. Oh, and I, have to piss sitting down... like a godamn girly... every fifteen minutes. But nobody wants to die, Schwartz. I'll keep that in mind, sir. +I'll keep that in mind, sir. No sir-e-bob, I don't die. But what I do is get older, wrinkled like a former plum that's become the wrinkled prune you see before you. Oh, to be a young man again, maybe then Floris would care for me. +No sir-e-bob, I don't die. But what I do is get older, wrinkled like a former plum that's become the wrinkled prune you see before you. Oh, to be a young man again, maybe then Floris would care for me. The elderly have so much to offer, sir. They are our link with history. +The elderly have so much to offer, sir. They are our link with history. I don't want to be your godamn link, damn you. I want to feel Floris' naked thighs against my own. I want to know passion. I want my body to inspire lust in that beautiful, complex woman. I want her to shiver in a spasm of ecstasy when I penetrate her. Oh, God, the agony of the flesh, Schwartz. +I don't want to be your godamn link, damn you. I want to feel Floris' naked thighs against my own. I want to know passion. I want my body to inspire lust in that beautiful, complex woman. I want her to shiver in a spasm of ecstasy when I penetrate her. Oh, God, the agony of the flesh, Schwartz. Dr. Lester, while I am flattered that you share your feelings with me, I believe perhaps the workplace is not the most suitable environment for this type of discussion. +Dr. Lester, while I am flattered that you share your feelings with me, I believe perhaps the workplace is not the most suitable environment for this type of discussion. All right. Meet me at the Juicy-Juice Juice Bar after work today and I'll spill my goddamn guts for you. +Imagine a room full of women. Nubile, blonde, wet with desire, Schwartz. A harem, if you will. Me in leather. A harness, if you like. I am the object of this desire, and all eyes are on me as I speak. “Ladies,” I begin. “I am the love god, Eros. I intoxicate you. My spunk is to you manna from heaven... Dr. Lester, it's been really fascinating, but I'm afraid I have to get home to my wife now. +Dr. Lester, it's been really fascinating, but I'm afraid I have to get home to my wife now. Wife, huh? I'd love to meet her, Craig. +Wife, huh? I'd love to meet her, Craig. Yessir. +Yessir. Shall we say dinner on Friday. Just the two of us? You can come too if you like, Schwartz. +Shall we say dinner on Friday. Just the two of us? You can come too if you like, Schwartz. That's sounds fine, sir. Gotta run. +Dr. Lester. . . Ah, Craig. Just the fellow I wanted to see. Juicer! Easy as pie. Just keep your fingers clear of the blade, and never, never use it while bathing in a tub full of water. +Ah, Craig. Just the fellow I wanted to see. Juicer! Easy as pie. Just keep your fingers clear of the blade, and never, never use it while bathing in a tub full of water. Dr. Lester, I have a question. I was in that vacant office down the hall and I stumbled upon a little door and.... +Dr. Lester, I have a question. I was in that vacant office down the hall and I stumbled upon a little door and.... Ah. yes, the little door. There is a short film on the little door in the orientation room in exactly two minutes. If you hurry, you'll just make it. +Ah. yes, the little door. There is a short film on the little door in the orientation room in exactly two minutes. If you hurry, you'll just make it. Thank you, sir. +Dr. Lester... More beet-spinach juice, my friend? +More beet-spinach juice, my friend? No thank you sir. It's delicious, though. I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to work at LesterCorp, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to tender my resignation effectively immediately. +No thank you sir. It's delicious, though. I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to work at LesterCorp, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to tender my resignation effectively immediately. I see. Are you unhappy at our little company? +I see. Are you unhappy at our little company? No sir, not at all. It's just that I'm going to open my own business and... +No sir, not at all. It's just that I'm going to open my own business and... And what sort of business will this be? If you don't mind my asking. +And what sort of business will this be? If you don't mind my asking. Uh, import-export. Olive oil. Right on 7 1/2 actually. In the vacant office. So we'll still be seeing each other. +Uh, import-export. Olive oil. Right on 7 1/2 actually. In the vacant office. So we'll still be seeing each other. The vacant office. I see. Olive oil. Interesting. Be warned, Schwartz, there are certain “doors” which should never be opened. +You're making a big mistake, Schwartz. Ma'am Dr. Lester, I don't know what you're talking about. +Dr. Lester, I don't know what you're talking about. There are rules, boy, procedures, etiquette. This is not a toy. I've been waiting seventy years to utilize this room, grooming myself, quietly setting the stage, performing ablutions, paying tribute, seeing all his motion pictures again and again. Worshipping, Schwartz, worshipping properly. +There are rules, boy, procedures, etiquette. This is not a toy. I've been waiting seventy years to utilize this room, grooming myself, quietly setting the stage, performing ablutions, paying tribute, seeing all his motion pictures again and again. Worshipping, Schwartz, worshipping properly. You're insane. +You're insane. I am not alone. There are others. We are legion. You will pay for this blasphemy. You will pay dearly. +Moving story. Yes. Unfortunately it's bullshit. The real story of 7 1/2 is so evil that it could never be revealed to Americans raised on sitcoms and happy news anchors. +Yes. Unfortunately it's bullshit. The real story of 7 1/2 is so evil that it could never be revealed to Americans raised on sitcoms and happy news anchors. Is that true? +Is that true? Well, truth is for suckers, isn't it?. +Well, truth is for suckers, isn't it?. Listen. I'm Craig Schwartz, just starting out at LesterCorp. +Listen. I'm Craig Schwartz, just starting out at LesterCorp. How dreary - to be - Somebody / How public - like a Frog / To tell one's name - the livelong June / To an admiring Bog! +How dreary - to be - Somebody / How public - like a Frog / To tell one's name - the livelong June / To an admiring Bog! Emily Dickinson. +Emily Dickinson. I wouldn't know. +Yes, well... You know, I've been thinking about what you said yesterday, about the orientation film being a cover-up. I think you're on to something. +You know, I've been thinking about what you said yesterday, about the orientation film being a cover-up. I think you're on to something. And fifty other lines to get into a girl's pants. +And fifty other lines to get into a girl's pants. No, really. +No, really. You know, if you ever got me, you wouldn't have a clue what to do with me. That's the thing, Romeo. +What? I just wanted to say “hi.” Did you know I still don't know your name or where you work? +I just wanted to say “hi.” Did you know I still don't know your name or where you work? Yeah. +Yeah. How about this, if I can guess your first name within three tries, you have to come out for a drink with me tonight. +How about this, if I can guess your first name within three tries, you have to come out for a drink with me tonight. Why not? +Why not? Great. Buuuhhppaahhhhnnn. . . . . Muhhhahhhhh. . . . . ahhhnnnaaa. . nollltuuukkkaaaaralllll. . . tashabararassssssuuuuusaaaaaaa. . . nnnnnnnaaaaaannnnnnnnncccccceeeeeee Mwaaaaaa. . . . .Mahhhhhkkkkk. . . sssseeeeeen. Maxine? +Great. Buuuhhppaahhhhnnn. . . . . Muhhhahhhhh. . . . . ahhhnnnaaa. . nollltuuukkkaaaaralllll. . . tashabararassssssuuuuusaaaaaaa. . . nnnnnnnaaaaaannnnnnnnncccccceeeeeee Mwaaaaaa. . . . .Mahhhhhkkkkk. . . sssseeeeeen. Maxine? Who told you? +Who told you? I'm right? +I'm right? Who told you? +Who told you? That's incredible! Nobody told me! I swear! It's kismet. Maxine! It's a beautiful name. There's a psychic connection. Don't you see? It was meant to be! Maxine! Maxine! Maxine! I will shout it from the rooftops! +That's incredible! Nobody told me! I swear! It's kismet. Maxine! It's a beautiful name. There's a psychic connection. Don't you see? It was meant to be! Maxine! Maxine! Maxine! I will shout it from the rooftops! Somebody told you. +Somebody told you. Oh, Maxine, nobody told me. Maxine, Maxine. It just came out of me like a song, Maxine. A beautiful crazy, song, Maxine. Maxine. Maxine! +Oh, Maxine, nobody told me. Maxine, Maxine. It just came out of me like a song, Maxine. A beautiful crazy, song, Maxine. Maxine. Maxine! I am dubious, but I don't welsh. Meet me at The Stuck Pig. Seven o'clock. You're late, I walk. So help me, if I find out you cheated. +I am dubious, but I don't welsh. Meet me at The Stuck Pig. Seven o'clock. You're late, I walk. So help me, if I find out you cheated. Maxine. +Made it. Maxine. Maxine, Maxine, Maxine. Just. +Just. Buy you a drink, Maxine? +Buy you a drink, Maxine? You married? +You married? Yeah. But enough about me. +What'll you have? The usual, Barry. +The usual, Barry. I'll have, like, a beer. Like a Budweiser, or something. +I like you. I don't know what it is exactly. My tits? +My tits? No, no, it's your energy or your attitude or the way you carry yourself or... +No, no, it's your energy or your attitude or the way you carry yourself or... Christ, you're not a fag are you? Because I don't want to be wasting my time. +That's the usual? Don’t let the girly shit fool you. It'd blow your shorts off. +I’m not a homosexual. I just like women for more than their bodies. I guess you could say I'm the new American male. You're a fag or a liar. +You're a fag or a liar. I mean, I am really attracted to you. +I mean, I am really attracted to you. I mean, I am really attracted to you. Jesus, you are a fag. We can share recipes, if you like, Darlene. +No, wait! I like your tits. I love your tits. I want to fuck you. Good. Now we're getting somewhere. Not a chance. +So, tell me about yourself. If you can get your mind out of the gutter long enough, dog-boy. Well, I'm a puppeteer... +Hi. You're not someone I could get interested in. Craig. You play with dolls. +You're not someone I could get interested in. Craig. You play with dolls. Puppets. Maxine. It's the idea of being inside someone else, feeling what they feel, seeing what they see... +Puppets. Maxine. It's the idea of being inside someone else, feeling what they feel, seeing what they see... Yikes. +Yikes. Please, let me explain. +It's just, and I've never done this before, Maxine, but it's just that I feel something for you. I've never felt this before for anyone, not even my wife. My future is with you, Maxine. You might want to check those tarot cards one more time. +Don't you want to know what happened to me? No. +This is important! It better be. +There's a tiny door in that empty office. It's a portal, Maxine. It takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike. Sounds delightful. Who the fuck is John Malkovich? +Sounds delightful. Who the fuck is John Malkovich? He's an actor. One of the great American actors of the 20th century. +He's an actor. One of the great American actors of the 20th century. What's he been in? +What's he been in? Lots of things. He's very well respected. That jewel thief movie, for example. The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha right, is duality an illusion? Do you see what a can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it. There's only one thing to do. Let's get married right away. +Lots of things. He's very well respected. That jewel thief movie, for example. The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha right, is duality an illusion? Do you see what a can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it. There's only one thing to do. Let's get married right away. Is this Malkovich fellow appealing? +Is this Malkovich fellow appealing? Yes, of course. He's a celebrity. +Yes, of course. He's a celebrity. Good. We'll sell tickets. +Good. We'll sell tickets. Tickets to Malkovich? +Tickets to Malkovich? Exactly. Two hundred dollars a pop. +Exactly. Two hundred dollars a pop. But there's something profound here, Maxine, we can't exploit it. +But there's something profound here, Maxine, we can't exploit it. Fine. I'll do it myself. I was going to offer a partnership to you, but this way it's more money for me. +Fine. I'll do it myself. I was going to offer a partnership to you, but this way it's more money for me. You wanted to be partners with me? +You wanted to be partners with me? Sure. It'd be fun. +Sure. It'd be fun. Really? But, Maxine, can of worms! End of the world! Illusory nature of existence! +Really? But, Maxine, can of worms! End of the world! Illusory nature of existence! I'll protect you, Dollface. +Okay. Here it is. Ever want to be someone else? Now you can. No kidding. Only two hundred dollars for fifteen minutes. Visit J.M. Inc., Mertin-Flemmer Building. etc., etc. Sounds good. Oblique but intriguing. Phone it in. +Craig, I just don't find you attractive. And, Lotte, I'm smitten with you, but only when you're in Malkovich. When I looked into his eyes last night, I could feel you peering out. Behind the stubble and the too-prominent brow and the male pattern baldness, I sensed your feminine longing peering out, and it just slew me. My God. +This is amazing! We're gonna be rich! So unbolt the fucking door, Einstein. +You're late. Are you torturing me on purpose? +Are you torturing me on purpose? I've fallen in love. +I've fallen in love. I don't think so. I've fallen in love. This is what people who've fallen in love look like. +I don't think so. I've fallen in love. This is what people who've fallen in love look like. You picked the unrequited variety. Very bad for the skin. +You picked the unrequited variety. Very bad for the skin. You're evil, Maxine. +You're evil, Maxine. Do you have any idea what its like to have two people look at you with total lust and devotion through the same pair of eyes? No I don't suppose you would. It's quite a thrill, Craig. +You're glowing again. A girl has a right to glow if she wants. It's in the fucking constitution. +Lotte, this is so good... Move right hand across her left breast now. Move right hand across her left breast now. Move right hand across her left breast now. +Lotte? Is that you? Yes, yes, sweetheart, yes! +Let him try. Of course, right this way, Mr. Malkovich. Compliments of the house. +What happens when a man climbs through his own portal? How the hell would I know? I wasn't a philosophy major. +But I gotta go now. I've got to go be Johnny. J.M. Inc. Be all that someone... +Hello, Don. Hello. Wendy. +Hello. Wendy. Don, I was wondering, do you know why our workplace has such low ceilings? +Don, I was wondering, do you know why our workplace has such low ceilings? It's an interesting story, Wendy. Many years ago in the late 1800's, James Mertin, an Irish ship captain looking to invest in the future of our great country, came to this town and decided to erect an office building. +So that's the story of 7 1/2. Since the rents are considerably lower this floor has been adopted by businesses which for one reason or another are forced to cut corners After all... the overhead is low! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! +Hi. Wendy! What're you up to in this vacant office. Well, Don, I peeked in here, even though I know it's against floor policy. and I discovered that there's a little tiny door in here. Isn't it cute? It's almost like a little dolly's door. I wonder what it’s for. +Well, Don, I peeked in here, even though I know it's against floor policy. and I discovered that there's a little tiny door in here. Isn't it cute? It's almost like a little dolly's door. I wonder what it’s for. That's right, Wendy, it is against floor policy, but as long as you're here, let me tell you what I know about our cute little door friend. Many years ago, this very office was occupied by a kindly old watchmaker named Mr. White. +You've got to tell Craig what's going on. He must never leave Malkovich. I'm glad you learned sign language, Elijah, but I'm tired of your nagging. I'm tired of this conversation. I'm tired period. What has the world ever done for me that I should feel personally responsible for saving it? +I'm glad you learned sign language, Elijah, but I'm tired of your nagging. I'm tired of this conversation. I'm tired period. What has the world ever done for me that I should feel personally responsible for saving it? It is better to light one candle than curse the darkness. I learned that from you. +Must you take this terrible demon on yourself, my love? Yes. I'm the only one. I have to enter Malkovich and destroy him from the inside. If not me, who? +Yes. I'm the only one. I have to enter Malkovich and destroy him from the inside. If not me, who? If there was any way I could go in your place. But I'm only a monkey and... +If there was any way I could go in your place. But I'm only a monkey and... Hush, sweetheart. +I'll be with you always, my friends. Who knows, maybe if I'm lucky, I'll rejoin you with wings and a beak. Wings and a halo, my darling. Wings and a halo. +No. Long term psychic or physiological repercussions? +Long term psychic or physiological repercussions? No. Don't be an ass. +No. Don't be an ass. Can I be anyone I want? +Can I be anyone I want? You can be John Malkovich. +You can be John Malkovich. Well that's perfect. My second choice. Ah, this is wonderful. Too good to be true! You see, I'm a sad man. Sad and fat and alone. Oh, I've tried all the diets, my friends. Lived for a year on nothing but imitation mayonnaise. Did it work? You be the judge. But Malkovich! King of New York! Man about town! Most eligible bachelor! Bon Vivant! The Schopenhauer of the 20th century! Thin man extraordinaire! +Well that's perfect. My second choice. Ah, this is wonderful. Too good to be true! You see, I'm a sad man. Sad and fat and alone. Oh, I've tried all the diets, my friends. Lived for a year on nothing but imitation mayonnaise. Did it work? You be the judge. But Malkovich! King of New York! Man about town! Most eligible bachelor! Bon Vivant! The Schopenhauer of the 20th century! Thin man extraordinaire! Two hundred dollars, please. +Two hundred dollars, please. Yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes! +Boy, this is a toughie. To be honest, I didn't anticipate this. And as I said, sir, we can't very well exert physical persuasion upon the sacred vessel Malkovich. +And as I said, sir, we can't very well exert physical persuasion upon the sacred vessel Malkovich. Right, Lester. I heard you the first time. I'm not a dummy. +Right, Lester. I heard you the first time. I'm not a dummy. Didn't mean to imply that you were, sir. +Didn't mean to imply that you were, sir. Look, I'm going back to my house to ponder this. So stay calm and keep track of Schwartz's comings and goings. Oh, and somebody dispose of Schwartz's wife, will you? Nice to meet you all. +Have a seat. I wracking my brain over this Malkovich thing. We saw his show at the Luxor last night. +We saw his show at the Luxor last night. Vegas? What'd you think? +Vegas? What'd you think? The kid's got talent. You've never seen Malkovich like this. Schwartz had him up there singing and dancing. Impressions. +The kid's got talent. You've never seen Malkovich like this. Schwartz had him up there singing and dancing. Impressions. Impressions? Those are hard. +Impressions? Those are hard. Very talented son of a bitch. Too bad we can't kill him. +Very talented son of a bitch. Too bad we can't kill him. I suppose I could come to him in a dream. I don't know. That's the best I can think of right now. +I suppose I could come to him in a dream. I don't know. That's the best I can think of right now. A scary dream? +A scary dream? No, a sexy dream. Of course, a scary dream. +No, a sexy dream. Of course, a scary dream. I like that. +How'd it go? Did you say the philodendron gets water or no? No, for God's sake, I just watered it yesterday. It almost went well. I gave a pretty good dream, but circumstances arose. +No, for God's sake, I just watered it yesterday. It almost went well. I gave a pretty good dream, but circumstances arose. What kind of circumstances? +What kind of circumstances? Maxine says she'll leave him if he leaves Malkovich, plus he's been challenged to a puppet-duel by Mantini. +Maxine says she'll leave him if he leaves Malkovich, plus he's been challenged to a puppet-duel by Mantini. The Great Mantini? +The Great Mantini? No, the Mediocre Mantini. Of course the Great Mantini! +No, the Mediocre Mantini. Of course the Great Mantini! "Oh, he's good! Great, actually. I saw him do ""Tru"" with his sixty foot Robert Morse puppet. Sensational." +"Oh, he's good! Great, actually. I saw him do ""Tru"" with his sixty foot Robert Morse puppet. Sensational." But I think I have another plan. +But I think I have another plan. Do tell. I love a good plan. +Do tell. I love a good plan. Why are you being like this? +I missed you. I'm sorry. Tell me the plan. Well, if Mantini wins, Schwartz will leave Malkovich, right? So, if he needs it, I help Mantini's performance a bit, give him an edge. Spice up the show. +Well, if Mantini wins, Schwartz will leave Malkovich, right? So, if he needs it, I help Mantini's performance a bit, give him an edge. Spice up the show. Can you do that? I mean, do you know anything about puppetry? +Can you do that? I mean, do you know anything about puppetry? I am the Devil, Lester. I think I can handle it. +I am the Devil, Lester. I think I can handle it. I was just asking. No disrespect intended. +I was just asking. No disrespect intended. Fine. Let's drop it. +Fine. Let's drop it. Fine. I mean, it's not like I was doubting you, it's just that I know puppetry is a skill that takes a long time to acquire. +Fine. I mean, it's not like I was doubting you, it's just that I know puppetry is a skill that takes a long time to acquire. Fine. I'm not mad. Let's just drop it. +Fine. I'm not mad. Let's just drop it. Fine. Your mail's on the kitchen table. Mostly junk. Oh, there's a letter from Alex Trebek. +Floris, get Guinness on the phone. Gehginnis ondah foam? +Gehginnis ondah foam? Forget it. +Forget it. Fork ah did? +Fork ah did? Fine woman, Floris. I don't know how she puts up with this damn speech impediment of mine. +Yes, my dear? Someone names A Lot of Warts on line two. +Someone names A Lot of Warts on line two. Thank you, Floris. +Thank you, Floris. Think, Jew florist? +Think, Jew florist? Good morning, Lotte! +Do you dream often? Do you? +Do you? It's my job to ask the questions. Yours to answer them. +It's my job to ask the questions. Yours to answer them. Says who? +Says who? Says me. Do you dream often? +Says me. Do you dream often? Do you? +It's like nothing I've ever felt before. I think I'm going crazy. I'm sure you're not going crazy. +I'm sure you're not going crazy. Kevin, I'm telling you... it was like nothing I've... +Kevin, I'm telling you... it was like nothing I've... Yeah yeah yeah. Yadda yadda yadda. Were you stoned? +Yeah yeah yeah. Yadda yadda yadda. Were you stoned? Yes, but you see, someone else was talking through my mouth. +Yes, but you see, someone else was talking through my mouth. You were stoned. Case closed. End of story. How hot is this babe? +You were stoned. Case closed. End of story. How hot is this babe? I think it might've been this Lotte woman talking through me. Maxine likes to call me Lotte. +I think it might've been this Lotte woman talking through me. Maxine likes to call me Lotte. Ouch. Now that's hot. She's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover. Let me know when you're done with her. This is my type of chick. +Ouch. Now that's hot. She's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover. Let me know when you're done with her. This is my type of chick. I'm done with her now. Tonight really creeped me out. +I'm done with her now. Tonight really creeped me out. You're crazy to let go of a chick who calls you Lotte. I tell you that as a friend. +You're crazy to let go of a chick who calls you Lotte. I tell you that as a friend. I don't know anything about her. What if she's some sort of witch or something? +I don't know anything about her. What if she's some sort of witch or something? All the better. Hey, Hot Lesbian Witches, next Geraldo, buddy boy. Ha ha ha. +All the better. Hey, Hot Lesbian Witches, next Geraldo, buddy boy. Ha ha ha. I gotta know the truth, Kevin. +I gotta know the truth, Kevin. The truth is for suckers, Johnny-Boy. +You don't look a day over one hundred and five, Captain. What's your secret? Lots of carrot juice, little lady. That, and a deal with the Devil. +Anybody else? Do we get to wear a crown? +Do we get to wear a crown? But of course. +But of course. Count me in. +Count me in. Good. I think its time to beckon Mr. Flemmer. Perhaps He can help us out of this pickle. +Tell me, Lotte, can you understand a word I'm saying? Yes, of course, Dr. Lester. +Yes, of course, Dr. Lester. Oh, be still my heart. +Oh, be still my heart. Dr. Lester, would you point me toward the restroom? +Dr. Lester, would you point me toward the restroom? With immense pleasure, my dear. Down that hall, ninth door on the left. Watch the step down. It's sunken, you know. +I'm getting divorced. No you mustn't, my child. +No you mustn't, my child. But why, Son of Malkovich? +But why, Son of Malkovich? We need you on the inside, my child. To report on his comings and goings, and if need be, to... destroy him... ...for lack of a better word. +I blew it, Dr. Lester. You followed your heart, my child, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. +You followed your heart, my child, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. But now we've lost access to Craig. +But now we've lost access to Craig. My child, I don't think its a great mystery what Craig's up to. +You know I think it pays to leave juice-making to the trained professionals. You look terrible, my dear. Craig stole Maxine from me, Dr. Lester. +Craig stole Maxine from me, Dr. Lester. Hmmm, a lesbian, are you? I must inform you that I find that highly arousing. +Hmmm, a lesbian, are you? I must inform you that I find that highly arousing. No, you don't understand. I've been inside Malkovich when I'm with Maxine... +No, you don't understand. I've been inside Malkovich when I'm with Maxine... What?! That is not allowed. My God, you are supposed to be one of us. You know you must never partake of Malkovich by yourself! +What?! That is not allowed. My God, you are supposed to be one of us. You know you must never partake of Malkovich by yourself! No, I didn't know that. +No, I didn't know that. Oh, didn't anyone show you the indoctrination video? +Oh, didn't anyone show you the indoctrination video? No. +No. Oh, sorry. Right this way. +Aaaahhhh, the portal! You bastard! +No! Don't harm the vessel! It's Craig in there, I can tell. +It's Craig in there, I can tell. I understand, but we must protect the vessel at all costs. Please, Craig, please step aside and allow us to have what is rightfully ours. +Thank you all for your efforts, but I'm afraid we can no longer get into Malkovich through the portal. Why not? I need to get in there! +Why not? I need to get in there! I'm not certain, my dear, but I believe your husband has somehow psychically diverted the route. +I'm not certain, my dear, but I believe your husband has somehow psychically diverted the route. That bastard! I'll gladly dispose of him in the name of the order, Son of Malkovich. +That bastard! I'll gladly dispose of him in the name of the order, Son of Malkovich. I'm afraid that no physical harm must come to him as long as he inhabits the vessel. +Yes, hello, I wanted to place an ad. Hi, are you Craig's wife? Yes, Hi. +Hi. Have you done Malkovich yet? "Hi, uh. Hi. I wanted to place an ad. Yes. ""Ever want to be someone else?"" No, that's the ad, but let's talk about you in a minute. ""Ever want to be someone else? Now you can. No kidding...""" +Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man, Craig. "Let her go, Craig. I mean “him.""" +And the funny thing is. Mr. Malkovich, my voice is probably the least intriguing thing about me. I've never been looked at like this by a woman. +Ah. After that I'll introduce you to my favorite monkey, Elijah. He's got an ulcer, due to a suppressed childhood trauma. But we're getting to the bottom of it. Psychotherapy. +Yes? I have to see you. Can you call him and invite us over? +I have to see you. Can you call him and invite us over? When? +When? Give me one hour to get inside him Exactly. +Oh my darling. Oh my sweetheart. I love you, Lotte. +I love you, Lotte. Maxine... +J.M. Inc. Be all that someone else can be. I have to see you. +I have to see you. Sweetie! Oh, but we can't. It's business hours. I need to keep the membranous tunnel open for paying customers. +We have to meet. One hour. +Maxine! Listen: It hasn't been me in John the last three times. Craig's had me locked up in the apartment. He made me call you at gunpoint. It's been him! Oh, God, it's been him! Really? Well, you know, he's quite good. I'm surprised. Anyway, I have a session with Malkovich I have to attend. I'll speak with you soon. +Really? Well, you know, he's quite good. I'm surprised. Anyway, I have a session with Malkovich I have to attend. I'll speak with you soon. But Maxine, I thought it was me you loved. +But Maxine, I thought it was me you loved. I thought so too, doll. I guess we were mistaken. +Hello, Schwartz. I saw your show. Did you see the reviews? +Did you see the reviews? Yeah, I saw them +Yeah, I saw them Because if you missed any, I just happen to have copies here you can take with you when you leave now. +She's not available. We'll see, Schwartz. We'll see. +How do we do that? A friendly competition, if you will. Your Malkovich puppet and my Harry S. Truman puppet appear opposite each other in a play. Not some Vegas Burly-Q pyrotechnics, but a real play that requires actual acting. The audience decides who is more deserving of the title. The losing puppeteer bows out graciously. Goes back to obscurity as a file clerk. +A friendly competition, if you will. Your Malkovich puppet and my Harry S. Truman puppet appear opposite each other in a play. Not some Vegas Burly-Q pyrotechnics, but a real play that requires actual acting. The audience decides who is more deserving of the title. The losing puppeteer bows out graciously. Goes back to obscurity as a file clerk. What's the play? +What's the play? "Say... ""Equus""? It's got everything." +"Say... ""Equus""? It's got everything." Never heard of it. +Never heard of it. Broadway's finest three hours. It's about the suppression of the individual. Conformity as God in modern society. +Broadway's finest three hours. It's about the suppression of the individual. Conformity as God in modern society. Sounds boring. Are there any songs? +Sounds boring. Are there any songs? Nothing but acting to hide behind, buddy-boy. +Nothing but acting to hide behind, buddy-boy. "I'm not afraid. I toured for a year with the National Puppet Company's production of ""Long Day's Journey Into Night.""" +"I'm not afraid. I toured for a year with the National Puppet Company's production of ""Long Day's Journey Into Night.""" Great then. +Great then. Is there dancing? +Is there dancing? No. +No. Who needs dancing? +Yeah? Mr. Malkovich? +Mr. Malkovich? Who's calling? +Who's calling? You don't know me, but I'm a great admirer of yours. +You don't know me, but I'm a great admirer of yours. How'd you get this number? +How'd you get this number? It's just that I fantasize about you and, well, speaking to you now has gotten me sort of excited and... +Can I get you a drink? Whatever you're having. +Thanks so much for coming over. Oh, I'm really glad you called. +So, do you enjoy being an actor? Oh sure. It's very rewarding... +"I'm sorry, did you just call me ""Lotte""?" Do you mind? +Do you mind? No, I guess not. I'm an actor. +Oh, my sweet, beautiful Lotte. Yes, Maxine, yes. +Yes, yes, sweetheart, yes! What the fuck is going on? I'm not talking. This is not me! Oh, Lotte... +Something was making me talk. Some Goddamn thing was making me move. I gotta get out of here. Oh, Dollface, it was just your passion for me taking hold. +Oh, Dollface, it was just your passion for me taking hold. No, Dollface, I know what my passion taking hold feels like. I gotta go. +Darling! What the fuck is going on? +Come on in. I can explain about the portal, darling. +I can explain about the portal, darling. Don't con me, Maxine. We're over. I just let you up here to tell you that, and to tell you that I'm taking you and Schwartz to court. +Don't con me, Maxine. We're over. I just let you up here to tell you that, and to tell you that I'm taking you and Schwartz to court. Oh shut up. Craig, darling are you in there? +Yes. How did you know it was me? Lotte called me. +Lotte called me. Oh, so the bitch escaped. +Oh, so the bitch escaped. Apparently you can control this Malkovich fellow now. +Apparently you can control this Malkovich fellow now. I'm getting better all the time. +I'm getting better all the time. I'll say you are. Let's do it on his kitchen table, then make him eat an omelette off of it. +I'll say you are. Let's do it on his kitchen table, then make him eat an omelette off of it. No... damn... you... Oh shut up, you overrated sack of shit. +You still there, sweets? Yeah. I've figured out how to hold on as long as I want. Oddly enough, it's all in the wrists. +Yeah. I've figured out how to hold on as long as I want. Oddly enough, it's all in the wrists. Wow. Do a puppet show for me, Craig honey. +Wow. Do a puppet show for me, Craig honey. You mean with Malkovich? +You mean with Malkovich? I'd love to see your work. +I'd love to see your work. Really? Yeah. Okay. +That was incredible. You're brilliant! You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls. +You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls. You're right, my darling, it's so much more. It's playing with people! +Stay in him forever? No! But how will we make a living, my love, if our clientele doesn't have access to our product? +No! But how will we make a living, my love, if our clientele doesn't have access to our product? Well, we'll have all the money in Malkovich's bank account, plus he still gets acting work occasionally. +Well, we'll have all the money in Malkovich's bank account, plus he still gets acting work occasionally. No! Please! Shut up, will you? We're trying to think here. It is sort of like being a puppeteer. I like that about it. +No! Please! Shut up, will you? We're trying to think here. It is sort of like being a puppeteer. I like that about it. No one would ever have to know its not him. +No one would ever have to know its not him. Wait a minute! What if everybody knew? What if we presented Malkovich as the world's most complicated puppet and me as the only puppeteer sophisticated enough to work him? We'd wipe the floor with the Great Mantini! +Wait a minute! What if everybody knew? What if we presented Malkovich as the world's most complicated puppet and me as the only puppeteer sophisticated enough to work him? We'd wipe the floor with the Great Mantini! Oh, Craiggy, that's brilliant! +Shut up! Sorry, dear, I lost control for a minute. It's okay, my sweet. +Vegas. Vegas. Can you arrange that? +This is it, lover. You're stepping onto that stage a nobody and presto-change-o, you're coming back the greatest puppeteer the world has ever seen. I'm nervous. Malkovich is fighting me hard today. +Doesn't he know how important tonight is to us? He's a selfish bastard. +"They love me, darling! ""Craig Schwartz is fantastic!"" The New York Times. ""If only Craig Schwartz had always been inside Malkovich!"" Women's Wear Daily. ""Craig Schwartz - The world's greatest puppeteer!"" Paul Wunder, WBAI Radio." Oh, darling. It's a dream come true. We're going to ride this straight to the top. +Oh, darling. It's a dream come true. We're going to ride this straight to the top. Sleepy suddenly. +Sleepy suddenly. Busy day, my little fire chief. Why don't you climb into bed, and I'll meet you there in just... +Bad dream, darling? I've got to leave Malkovich. +I've got to leave Malkovich. You've got to be kidding. +You've got to be kidding. I just had the most horrifying nightmare. The devil was in it. +Honey, we can be happy and poor together. Perhaps you'll want to consult that Ouija board again. +Yeah what?! Derek Mantini! +Good-bye, Maxine. Whatever. +Captain Mertin? What want ye, girl child? +What want ye, girl child? I am not a child, Captain Mertin, but rather an adult lady of miniature proportions. +I am not a child, Captain Mertin, but rather an adult lady of miniature proportions. I see. Well, it is not my fault that thou art tiny. So if it is charity yer after, then be gone with ye, ye foul demon. +I see. Well, it is not my fault that thou art tiny. So if it is charity yer after, then be gone with ye, ye foul demon. I am not asking for alms, but rather the ear of a kind man with a noble heart. +I am not asking for alms, but rather the ear of a kind man with a noble heart. Aye. Speak then if ye must. +Aye. Speak then if ye must. Captain Mertin, surely I am a God-fearing Christian woman like yourself, but alas, I am afraid that the world was not built with me in mind. Door knobs are too high, chairs are unwieldy, high-ceilinged rooms mock my stature. Nor am I a marrie lady, Captain. after all, who would marry a person of my diminutiveness? So I am forced to work for my few pennies a week as an optometrist. Why cannot there be a place for me to work safe and comfortable? +Why you never go back to Lady Jone's and learn your letters? You liked going there I remember. Seeing the other children. Then all a sudden, you stop. There was a boy there...said mama was a jailbird...said he could prove it.. +You got to go sometime. You got to go out there by yourself sometime. But you said...you said out there, there ain't no...what was that word?..no..de- fense. No de-fense. +But you said...you said out there, there ain't no...what was that word?..no..de- fense. No de-fense. There ain't. +There ain't. Then what do I do? +Then what do I do? Know it, and go on out the yard. Go on. +Folks came. Folks come. Folks go. +Folks come. Folks go. Here, let me carry that. +I got a delivery around here. Name of Tucker. Yonder. Twin chestnuts in the yard. +Well? Well what? +Well what? This Saturday - you coming to Call or what? +This Saturday - you coming to Call or what? If I call them, and they come what on earth am I going to say to them. +If I call them, and they come what on earth am I going to say to them. Say the Word! +The Word. What you was put here to speak. That's the last thing they took from me. +That's the last thing they took from me. But you got to do it. You got to. Can't nobody Call like you. You have to be there. +But you got to do it. You got to. Can't nobody Call like you. You have to be there. What I have to do is get in my bed and lay down. I want to fix on something harmless in this world. +What I have to do is get in my bed and lay down. I want to fix on something harmless in this world. What world are you talking about? Ain't nothing harmless down here. +What world are you talking about? Ain't nothing harmless down here. Blue. That doesn't hurt nobody. Yellow neither. +Blue. That doesn't hurt nobody. Yellow neither. You getting into bed to think about yellow? +You getting into bed to think about yellow? I likes yellow. +I likes yellow. Then what? When you get through with blue and yellow, then what? +Then what? When you get through with blue and yellow, then what? Can't say. It's something can't be planned. +Can't say. It's something can't be planned. You blaming God. That what you're doing? +You blaming God. That what you're doing? No, Stamp. I ain't. +No, Stamp. I ain't. You saying whitefolks won. That what you saying? +You saying whitefolks won. That what you saying? Those white things have taken all I had or dreamed. I'm saying ain't no bad luck in this world 'cept for white folks..They just don't know when to stop. +Those white things have taken all I had or dreamed. I'm saying ain't no bad luck in this world 'cept for white folks..They just don't know when to stop. You saying nothing counts? +You saying nothing counts? I'm saying they came into my yard. +I'm saying they came into my yard. You saying God give up? Nothing left for us but pour out our own blood? +You saying God give up? Nothing left for us but pour out our own blood? I'm saying they came into my yard. +I'm saying they came into my yard. You punishing Him, ain't you? +You punishing Him, ain't you? Not like He punished me. +Not like He punished me. You can't do that, Baby. It ain't right. +You can't do that, Baby. It ain't right. Was a time I knew what was. +Was a time I knew what was. You still know. +You still know. What I know is what I see: a nigger woman hauling shoes. +What I know is what I see: a nigger woman hauling shoes. Aw, Baby. +"We have to be steady. ""These things too will pass"". What you looking for? A miracle?" No. I'm looking for what I was put here to look for: the back door. +No. Sorry. Ah, winter in Ohio is especially rough if you've got an appetite for color. +They'll be all right. I'm surprised they lasted here this long. I don't know. Maybe we should have moved. +I don't know. Maybe we should have moved. What'd be the point? Not a house in the country ain't packed to the rafters with some dead Negro's grief. We lucky our ghost is a baby. My husband spirit come back? Or yours? Don't talk to me! Ha..You lucky. You got one child left, still pullin at your skirts. Be thankful. I had eight. Eight with six fathers. Every one of them gone from me. Four taken, four chased and all, I expect, worrying somebody's house into evil. My first born - alls I can remember of her now is how she loved the burned bottom of bread. Her little hands..I wouldn't know'em if they slapped me. Can you beat that? Eight children and that's all I remember. +What'd be the point? Not a house in the country ain't packed to the rafters with some dead Negro's grief. We lucky our ghost is a baby. My husband spirit come back? Or yours? Don't talk to me! Ha..You lucky. You got one child left, still pullin at your skirts. Be thankful. I had eight. Eight with six fathers. Every one of them gone from me. Four taken, four chased and all, I expect, worrying somebody's house into evil. My first born - alls I can remember of her now is how she loved the burned bottom of bread. Her little hands..I wouldn't know'em if they slapped me. Can you beat that? Eight children and that's all I remember. You remember Halle. +You remember Halle. Oh, I remember bits and pieces of all of'em I guess..Halle, of course..I had Halle a lifetime. Almost twenty years... My two girls, sold and gone before I could even a heard about it, and them without their grown up teeth yet. My third child, my son after Halle...I let that straw boss have me for four months so's I could keep that boy. Next year, he had him traded for lumber anyway and me pregnant with his child. I couldn't love that child. I wouldn't. Not any of the rest either. God take what He would....and He did... +Oh, I remember bits and pieces of all of'em I guess..Halle, of course..I had Halle a lifetime. Almost twenty years... My two girls, sold and gone before I could even a heard about it, and them without their grown up teeth yet. My third child, my son after Halle...I let that straw boss have me for four months so's I could keep that boy. Next year, he had him traded for lumber anyway and me pregnant with his child. I couldn't love that child. I wouldn't. Not any of the rest either. God take what He would....and He did... The boys wouldn't have left if Halle were here. +The boys wouldn't have left if Halle were here. Those boys didn't even know him. You had six whole years of marriage to my Halle Fathered every one of your children. A blessing. I learned hard that a man's just a man, but a son like that...like Halle..now that's somebody. +"...All I remember is how she loved the bottom of burned bread. Her little hands...I wouldn't know 'em if they slapped me""." "...""Here. Look here. See this mark? If you can't tell me by my face, look here.""" +..I swallowed her blood right along with my mother's milk. She played with me and always came to be with me whenever I needed her. Me and her waited for our daddy. I love her. I do. She never hurt me. I love my mother but I know she killed one of her own, and tender as she is with me, I'm scared of her because of it. All the time, I'm afraid the thing that happened that made it all right to kill her own, could happen again. Whatever it is, it comes from outside this house, outside the yard. So I never leave this house and I watch over the yard so it can't happen again ... I have to keep it away from my sister...I'll protect Beloved...'Cause She's mine... Beloved..She's mine I am Beloved +Beloved..She's mine I am Beloved and she is mine... +YOU HURT ME. I WILL PROTECT YOU. +WATCH OUT FOR HER; SHE CAN GIVE YOU DREAMS. WHERE ARE THE MEN WITHOUT SKIN? +WHERE ARE THE MEN WITHOUT SKIN? THE WHITEFOLK? +What do you know about it? I sleep where I want. You best leave that quilt alone. That was grandma's quilt. +DID YOU COME FROM THE OTHER SIDE. YES. I WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE. +YES. I WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE. YOU CAME BACK BECAUSE OF ME? +YOU CAME BACK BECAUSE OF ME? YES. +YES. YOU NEVER FORGOT ME? +YOU NEVER FORGOT ME? YOUR FACE IS MINE. +WILL YOU STAY? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME WHO AM YOU? +WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME WHO AM YOU? I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU AGAIN. +CAN THEY GET IN HERE? NO. THEY TRIED ONCE BUT I STOPPED THEM. THEY WON'T EVER COME BACK...YOU MY BEST THING. +You don't sit with me!! Baby, don't be like that. +Baby, don't be like that. You don't sit with me!! I don't sit with people who leave me! +You don't sit with me!! I don't sit with people who leave me! Don't talk like that. Your mama loves you. +Don't talk like that. Your mama loves you. I had another dream last night. The dead man laying on top of me and I had nothing to eat. And the ghosts without skin stuck their fingers in me and said Beloved in the dark and bitch in the light.. +I had another dream last night. The dead man laying on top of me and I had nothing to eat. And the ghosts without skin stuck their fingers in me and said Beloved in the dark and bitch in the light.. Don't say those things. You forget about those dreams.. +Don't say those things. You forget about those dreams.. You gave me the bad dreams. You left me behind... +You gave me the bad dreams. You left me behind... Mama told you - I'd give up my own life, every minute, every hour of it to take back one of your tears baby...My children my best thing. You my best thing! +Mama told you - I'd give up my own life, every minute, every hour of it to take back one of your tears baby...My children my best thing. You my best thing! You're weren't nice to me..you didn't smile at me.. +You're weren't nice to me..you didn't smile at me.. That's not true. I told you, I had to get you out, make you safe...so's you and me could be together on the other side, forever.. +I want somethin' sweet. We don't have nothing sweet no more, baby. +We don't have nothing sweet no more, baby. Not for me, you don't! You don't let me eat the pies... +Not for me, you don't! You don't let me eat the pies... No. Since mama lost her job, we don't have no more pies.. +Well, is it now? How you getting along? Don't pay to complain. +Don't pay to complain. You on your way home? +You on your way home? No. Got me an afternoon job at the shirt factory. Figure between that and my night work at the Bodwins I might be able to put something away for me and mama. +No. Got me an afternoon job at the shirt factory. Figure between that and my night work at the Bodwins I might be able to put something away for me and mama. They treating you right over at the Bodwins? +They treating you right over at the Bodwins? More than all right. Miss Bodwin, she teach me stuff..Book stuff. She says I might go to Oberlin. She's experimenting on me. +Your mother all right? No. Not a bit all right. Hasn't gotten out of bed since that day. +No. Not a bit all right. Hasn't gotten out of bed since that day. You think I should stop by? Think she'd welcome it? +You think I should stop by? Think she'd welcome it? I don't know. I think I've lost my mother, Paul D. +That girl...You know, Beloved... Yes? +Yes? She gone like they say? +She gone like they say? Haven't seen her since that day. Ella thinks she might be waiting in the woods for another chance but..I don't think so. Mama thinks she's gone for good. Says she can feel it. +Haven't seen her since that day. Ella thinks she might be waiting in the woods for another chance but..I don't think so. Mama thinks she's gone for good. Says she can feel it. You think she sure 'nough your sister? +You think she sure 'nough your sister? At times. At other times I think she was...more. But who would know that better than you. I mean, you sure 'nough you her. +Well, if you want my opinion... I don't. I have my own. +I don't. I have my own. You grown. +You grown. Yes sir +Yes sir Well, good luck with the job. +Well, good luck with the job. Thank you. +And Paul D...you don't have to stay 'way, but be careful how you talk to my mama, hear? I will. +Yes? May I come in? +May I come in? What you want? +What you want? I want to see Mr. and Mrs. Bodwin. +I want to see Mr. and Mrs. Bodwin. Miss Bodwin. They brother and sister, darlin. +Miss Bodwin. They brother and sister, darlin. Oh. +Oh. What you want'em for? +What you want'em for? I'm looking for work. I was thinking they might know of some. +I'm looking for work. I was thinking they might know of some. You Baby Sugg's kin, ain't you? +You Baby Sugg's kin, ain't you? Yes ma'am. +Yes ma'am. I heard your mother took sick, that so? +I heard your mother took sick, that so? Yes ma'am.. +Yes ma'am.. Well, come on in. You letting in flies. +You know what? I've been here since I was fourteen and I remember like yesterday when Baby Suggs, holy, came here and sat right where you are. Whiteman name of Garner brought her. He and Mr. Bodwin were good friends. That's how she got that house you all live in. Other things too. Yes ma'am. +Yes ma'am. I never went to those woodland services but she was always nice to me. Always. Never be another like her. +I never went to those woodland services but she was always nice to me. Always. Never be another like her. I miss her. +I miss her. Bet you do. Everybody miss her. That was a good woman...Well, I don't know whether the Bodwins think it or not but they sure could use some extra help. +Bet you do. Everybody miss her. That was a good woman...Well, I don't know whether the Bodwins think it or not but they sure could use some extra help. Ya think? +Ya think? They getting older now and I can't take care of 'em like I used to. More and more they keep asking me to sleep over night. Now, I don't want to quit these people but they can't have all my days and nights too. I got my own family needs me. It'll take some convincing but maybe you could come after supper - take care of your mama during the day, then earn a little something at night, how's that? +They getting older now and I can't take care of 'em like I used to. More and more they keep asking me to sleep over night. Now, I don't want to quit these people but they can't have all my days and nights too. I got my own family needs me. It'll take some convincing but maybe you could come after supper - take care of your mama during the day, then earn a little something at night, how's that? Fine. But what would I do at night? +Fine. But what would I do at night? Be here. In case. +Be here. In case. In case of what? +In case of what? In case the house burn down or bad weather slops the roads so bad I can't get here on time or late guests needed cleaning up after. Anything. Don't ask me what whitefolks need at night. +They good whitefolks? Oh yeah. They good. Can't say they ain't good. I wouldn't trade them for another pair, tell you that. But you come back in a few days - give me a chance to lead'em to it. All right? +I want to work, Miss Lady. Work? Start learnin your letters again? +Work? Start learnin your letters again? No. I mean work work. +No. I mean work work. Well, what can you do? +Well, what can you do? I can't do anything but I would learn it for you if you have a little extra. +I can't do anything but I would learn it for you if you have a little extra. Extra? +Extra? Food. My mama, she doesn't feel well. I couldn't stay away from her too long, cause of her condition but I could do chores in the mornings. +Food. My mama, she doesn't feel well. I couldn't stay away from her too long, cause of her condition but I could do chores in the mornings. Oh baby...I don't know anyone could pay anybody anything for work they did themselves...But if you all need to eat until your mother's well, all you have to do is say so...We have a church committee invented so nobody had to go hungry. +Oh baby...I don't know anyone could pay anybody anything for work they did themselves...But if you all need to eat until your mother's well, all you have to do is say so...We have a church committee invented so nobody had to go hungry. No..No that won't do... +Back stiff? OOh, yeah...Don't know if it's the floor or the skating. +OOh, yeah...Don't know if it's the floor or the skating. Could be that fall you took. +Could be that fall you took. That was fun. +Should I wake her? No, let her rest. +No, let her rest. She likes to see you off in the morning. +She likes to see you off in the morning. I'll make sure she does. But first I'm going make up a nice, big breakfast against that cold outside. +I'll make sure she does. But first I'm going make up a nice, big breakfast against that cold outside. Won't you be late for work? +Won't you be late for work? Don't matter. First time I'll be late in nine years. No great trouble..Whatever goes on out there goes on with or without me showing up on time... don't matter... The world is in this room, baby. This is all there is and all there needs to be. +DON'T LOVE HER TOO MUCH. DO YOU FORGIVE ME? +OUT THERE. WAY OFF. DADDY IS COMING FOR US. +Morning. Morning, ma'am. +MAMA! Hold back Denver - I'm fine..You..you go on upstairs. I'll do the cleaning up. +Hold back Denver - I'm fine..You..you go on upstairs. I'll do the cleaning up. But mama.. +But mama.. Go upstairs I said!! +Mama let me help you. NO!...She wanted me to do it. +Nobody..no sir..that's right..nobody's going be doing that..nobody going be writing my daughter's characteristics on the animal side..no sir..I don't care..ain't laying that down..no sir. I refuse..that's right..that's right... Mama...Mama she's asleep. Why don't you eat something. +Mama...Mama she's asleep. Why don't you eat something. She likes this dress... +She likes this dress... But you'll hurt your eyes doin it there. Come sit at the table. +No...no...no.. Mama? +Where you been keeping yourself? I told John must be cold if Stamp stay inside. Oh I been out. +Out where? Was over to Baby Suggs. +Was over to Baby Suggs. What you want there? Somebody invite you in? +What you want there? Somebody invite you in? That's Baby's kin. I don't need no invite to look after her people. +Somebody new there. A woman. Thought you might know who she is. Ain't no new Negroes in this town I don't know about. What she look like? You sure that wasn't Denver? +Ain't no new Negroes in this town I don't know about. What she look like? You sure that wasn't Denver? I know Denver. +I know Denver. You sure? +You sure? I know what I see. +I know what I see. Might see anything at all at 124. +Might see anything at all at 124. True. +True. Better ask Paul D. +Better ask Paul D. Can't locate him. +Can't locate him. He's sleeping in the church. +He's sleeping in the church. The church! +The church! Yeah. Asked Rev. Pike if he could stay in the cellar. +Yeah. Asked Rev. Pike if he could stay in the cellar. It's cold as charity in there! What he do that for? Any number'll take him in. +It's cold as charity in there! What he do that for? Any number'll take him in. Can't nobody read minds long distance. All he have to do is ask somebody. +Can't nobody read minds long distance. All he have to do is ask somebody. Why? Why he have to ask? Can't nobody offer? What's going on? Since when a black man come to town have to sleep in the cellar like a dog?! +Why? Why he have to ask? Can't nobody offer? What's going on? Since when a black man come to town have to sleep in the cellar like a dog?! Unrile yourself, Stamp. It's only a few days he been there. +Unrile yourself, Stamp. It's only a few days he been there. NO! Shouldn't be no days! You know all about it and don't give him a hand? That don't sound like you, Ella. Me and you been pulling colored folk out the water more'n twenty years! Now you tell me you can't offer a man a bed?! A working man who can pay his own way? +NO! Shouldn't be no days! You know all about it and don't give him a hand? That don't sound like you, Ella. Me and you been pulling colored folk out the water more'n twenty years! Now you tell me you can't offer a man a bed?! A working man who can pay his own way? He ask, I give him anything. +He ask, I give him anything. Why's that necessary all of a sudden? +Why's that necessary all of a sudden? I don't know him that well. +I don't know him that well. You know he's colored? What else there to know? +You know he's colored? What else there to know? Stamp, don't tear me up this morning! I don't feel like it. +Stamp, don't tear me up this morning! I don't feel like it. It's her, ain't it? +It's her, ain't it? Her who? +Her who? Sethe. He took up with her and stayed in there and you don't want nothing to- +Sethe. He took up with her and stayed in there and you don't want nothing to- Hold on! Don't jump if you can't see bottom! +Hold on! Don't jump if you can't see bottom! Girl, give it up! We been friends too long to act like this. +Well, who can tell what went on in there? I never even knew who Sethe was or none of her people. You know she married Baby Suggs' boy. +You know she married Baby Suggs' boy. I ain't sure I know that. Baby never laid eyes on her till she showed up here. And how'd she make it and her husband didn't? And where is he? And how she have that baby in the woods by herself? Said a whitewoman help her. Shoot. You believe that? Well, I know what kind of white that was. +I ain't sure I know that. Baby never laid eyes on her till she showed up here. And how'd she make it and her husband didn't? And where is he? And how she have that baby in the woods by herself? Said a whitewoman help her. Shoot. You believe that? Well, I know what kind of white that was. Aw, no, Ella. +Aw, no, Ella. Anything white floating around in the woods - if it don't got a shotgun, it's something the Lord tells me I don't want no part of. +Anything white floating around in the woods - if it don't got a shotgun, it's something the Lord tells me I don't want no part of. You was friends. +You was friends. Till she showed herself. +Till she showed herself. Ella. +Ella. I ain't got no friends take a handsaw to their own children. +I ain't got no friends take a handsaw to their own children. What's any of that got to do with Paul D.? +What's any of that got to do with Paul D.? What run him off? Tell me that! +What run him off? Tell me that! I run him off. +I run him off. You? +You? I told him...Showed him the newspaper. About Sethe. Read it to him. He left that very day. +I told him...Showed him the newspaper. About Sethe. Read it to him. He left that very day. You didn't tell me that. I thought he already knew. +You didn't tell me that. I thought he already knew. He didn't know nothing. And nobody. Except her, from when they was at that place Baby Suggs was at. +He didn't know nothing. And nobody. Except her, from when they was at that place Baby Suggs was at. He knew Baby Suggs? +He knew Baby Suggs? Sure he knew her. Her boy Halle, too. +Sure he knew her. Her boy Halle, too. And he left when he found out what Sethe did? What you say casts a different light on it, I guess...I thought- +But you didn't come here talking 'bout Paul. You came asking about a new girl. That's so. +That's so. Well, Paul D. must know who she is. Or what she is. +Well, Paul D. must know who she is. Or what she is. You mind loaded with spirits. Everywhere you look you see one. +You mind loaded with spirits. Everywhere you look you see one. You know as well as I do, Stamp, that people who die bad don't stay in the ground. +This is hard for me. But I got to do it. Two things I got to say to you. I'm a take the easy one first. If it's hard for you, might kill me dead. +If it's hard for you, might kill me dead. I come looking for you to ask your pardon. Apologize. +I come looking for you to ask your pardon. Apologize. For what? +For what? You pick any house, any house where colored live. Pick any one and you welcome to stay there. I'm apologizing 'cause they didn't offer to tell you. But you welcome anywhere you want to be. My house. John and Ella. Miss Lady Jones..anybody. You choose. You ain't got to sleep in no cellar and I apologize for each and every night. +You pick any house, any house where colored live. Pick any one and you welcome to stay there. I'm apologizing 'cause they didn't offer to tell you. But you welcome anywhere you want to be. My house. John and Ella. Miss Lady Jones..anybody. You choose. You ain't got to sleep in no cellar and I apologize for each and every night. Well I...I did get offered one place but I just wanted to be off by myself a spell. +Well I...I did get offered one place but I just wanted to be off by myself a spell. Oh yeah. Oh that's load off. I thought everybody gone crazy. +Oh yeah. Oh that's load off. I thought everybody gone crazy. Just me. +Just me. You planning to do anything about it? +You planning to do anything about it? Oh yeah. I got big plans. +You remember your price, Stamp? Never found out. +Never found out. I did. Down to the cent.$900. Always wondered though what Mrs. Garner got for my brother Paul F. Must of been more than nine hundred dollars cause she use that money for Sweet Home for almost two years. But then they hung my other brother Paul A. up on a tree so I guess he wasn't worth the same..I wonder what was Baby Suggs worth? And Halle? I wasn't surprised when I found out they tracked down Sethe all the way to Cincinatti. Her price must have been higher than all of us - her being property that reproduced itself without cost. A breeder. +I did. Down to the cent.$900. Always wondered though what Mrs. Garner got for my brother Paul F. Must of been more than nine hundred dollars cause she use that money for Sweet Home for almost two years. But then they hung my other brother Paul A. up on a tree so I guess he wasn't worth the same..I wonder what was Baby Suggs worth? And Halle? I wasn't surprised when I found out they tracked down Sethe all the way to Cincinatti. Her price must have been higher than all of us - her being property that reproduced itself without cost. A breeder. No use thinking these things now. +No use thinking these things now. Oh but we got to. How we gonna know our price in the future? How are children's children's children gonna know what they cost? Who's gonna tell them? What are they gonna pay for us, if we free? +Oh but we got to. How we gonna know our price in the future? How are children's children's children gonna know what they cost? Who's gonna tell them? What are they gonna pay for us, if we free? Children ain't gonna need to know that kind of thing. +Children ain't gonna need to know that kind of thing. They'll know. They'll know as soon as they born. Cause it's inside us,Stamp. It'll be inside them. We'll pass it down. Schoolteacher didn't just change the outside, he changed the mind..and the blood..and what it carries...and what it's worth.. +They'll know. They'll know as soon as they born. Cause it's inside us,Stamp. It'll be inside them. We'll pass it down. Schoolteacher didn't just change the outside, he changed the mind..and the blood..and what it carries...and what it's worth.. I don't believe that. I won't. +I don't believe that. I won't. There was a rooster named Mister down at Sweet Home. Last time I saw Halle, with that butter all over his face and me with an iron bit in my mouth, I saw Mister - sitting on a tub. He loved that tub. Like king on a throne. He was a hateful thing. Bloody and evil..But he was better than me. Mister was allowed to be and stay what he was. Even if you cooked him you'd be cooking a rooster named Mister. But wasn't no way I'd ever be Paul D. again..Schoolteacher changed me. Was never no beating under Mr. Garner. Schoolteacher changed that. Why wouldn't a man run from that? Why wouldn't a man not work, kill, starve, pull out his own heart to stop feeling 'stead of feeling that? And it strikes me, it's got to be cause we were something else. And that something was less than a chicken sitting in the sun on a tub. +I said I had two things to say to you. I only told you one. I have to tell you the other. I don't want to know. +I don't want to know. I was there Paul D...There in the yard. When she did it. +I was there Paul D...There in the yard. When she did it. What yard? When who- +Jesus. It ain't what you think. +It ain't what you think. You don't know what I think. +You don't know what I think. She ain't crazy. She love those children. She was trying to outhurt the hurter's all. +She ain't crazy. She love those children. She was trying to outhurt the hurter's all. Leave off.. +Leave off.. She was only- +She was only- Stamp, leave off I said! I knew her when she was a girl. She scares me and I knew her when she was a girl... +Stamp, leave off I said! I knew her when she was a girl. She scares me and I knew her when she was a girl... You ain't scared of Sethe. I don't believe you. +You ain't scared of Sethe. I don't believe you. She scares me. I scare me. And that girl in her house scares me. +She scares me. I scare me. And that girl in her house scares me. Who is she? Where she come from? +Who is she? Where she come from? Don't know. Just shot up one day from a stump. +Don't know. Just shot up one day from a stump. She what run you off? Not what I told you 'bout Sethe? +Tell me something, Stamp. Tell me this one thing. How much is a nigger supposed to take? All he can. All he can. +All he can. All he can. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? +Sethe? Paul D. +You shaved. Yeah. Look bad? +Yeah. Look bad? No, You looking good. +No, You looking good. Devil's confusion. What's this I hear about you not getting out of bed? I saw Denver. She tell you? +Devil's confusion. What's this I hear about you not getting out of bed? I saw Denver. She tell you? She comes in the daytime. She still with me, my Denver. +She comes in the daytime. She still with me, my Denver. You got to get up from here, girl. +You got to get up from here, girl. I'm tired, Paul. So tired. I have to rest a while. +I'm tired, Paul. So tired. I have to rest a while. Don't you die on me!! This is Baby Suggs quilt. Is that what you planning!? +Don't you die on me!! This is Baby Suggs quilt. Is that what you planning!? Oh, I don't have no plans. No plans at all. +Oh, I don't have no plans. No plans at all. Look - Denver be here in the day. I be here in the night. I'm a take care of you, you hear? Starting now. +What, baby? She left me. She's gone again. +She left me. She's gone again. Aw, girl. Don't cry...Me and you, we got more yesterday than anybody. We need some kind of tomorrow... +Aw, girl. Don't cry...Me and you, we got more yesterday than anybody. We need some kind of tomorrow... She was my best thing. +What the hell you thinking, girl? Strolling in here this late? Don't talk to me, Mr. Sawyer. Don't say nothing to me this morning. +Don't talk to me, Mr. Sawyer. Don't say nothing to me this morning. What? What? You talking back to me? +What? What? You talking back to me? I'm telling you don't say nothing to me. +Not too sweet! You make it too sweet they don't eat it. Make it the way I always do. +Make it the way I always do. Yeah. Too sweet. +Hey!! Yes sir. +Yes sir. I'm looking for a gal name of Judy. Works over by the slaughterhouse. Said she lived on Plank Road. +I'm looking for a gal name of Judy. Works over by the slaughterhouse. Said she lived on Plank Road. Plank Road. Yes sir. That's up a ways. Mile, maybe. +Plank Road. Yes sir. That's up a ways. Mile, maybe. You don't know her? Judy? Works in the slaughterhouse. +You don't know her? Judy? Works in the slaughterhouse. No sir, I don't, but I know Plank Road. 'Bout a mile up thataway. +Look here..There's a cross up there, so I guess this here's a church or used to be. Seems to me like you ought to show it some respect, you follow me? Yes sir..You right about that. That's just what I come over to talk to him about. Just that.. +Hiya Allan. Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. +Sure Allan, I'll be there. Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. +Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. +Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. +Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. Yeah, okay. +Yeah? Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? +Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? Uh? +Fuck. What do you think? +What do you think? He looks like a fuckin' loser. +Pin your diapers on, Lebowski. Jackie Treehorn wants to see you. And we know which Lebowski you are, Lebowski. +And we know which Lebowski you are, Lebowski. Yeah. Jackie Treehorn wants to talk to the deadbeat Lebowski. +Yeah. Jackie Treehorn wants to talk to the deadbeat Lebowski. You're not dealing with morons here. +Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. It's the LeBaron. +Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. +We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. Huh. +Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier once we get instructions for the money. Why me, man? +Why me, man? He suspects that the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you're in a unique position to confirm or, uh, disconfirm that suspicion. +He suspects that the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you're in a unique position to confirm or, uh, disconfirm that suspicion. So he thinks it's the carpet-pissers, huh? +So he thinks it's the carpet-pissers, huh? Well Dude, we just don't know. +They called about eighty minutes ago. They want you to take the money and drive north on the 4 5. They'll call you on the portable phone with instructions in about forty minutes. One person only or I'd go with you. They were very clear on that: one person only. What happened to your jaw? Oh, nothin', you know. +Here's the money, and the phone. Please, Dude, follow whatever instructions they give. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Her life is in your hands. +Her life is in your hands. Oh, man, don't say that.. +Oh, man, don't say that.. Mr. Lebowski asked me to repeat that: Her life is in your hands. +Mr. Lebowski asked me to repeat that: Her life is in your hands. Shit. +Shit. Her life is in your hands, Dude. And report back to us as soon as it's done. +This is our concern, Dude. No, man, nothing is fucked here-- +That had not occurred to us, Dude. Well, okay, you're not privy to all the new shit, so uh, you know, but that's what you pay me for. Speaking of which, would it be possible for me to get my twenty grand in cash? I gotta check this with my accountant of course, but my concern is that, you know, it could bump me into a higher tax-- +Where'd she been? Visiting friends of hers in Palm Springs. Just picked up and left, never bothered to tell us. +Visiting friends of hers in Palm Springs. Just picked up and left, never bothered to tell us. But I guess she told Dieter. +I know my rights. You don't know shit, Lebowski. +You don't know shit, Lebowski. I want a fucking lawyer, man. I want Bill Kunstler. +I want a fucking lawyer, man. I want Bill Kunstler. What are you, some kind of sad-assed refugee from the fucking sixties? +What are you, some kind of sad-assed refugee from the fucking sixties? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Mr. Treehorn tells us that he had to eject you from his garden party, that you were drunk and abusive. +Mr. Treehorn tells us that he had to eject you from his garden party, that you were drunk and abusive. That guy treats women like objects, man. +That guy treats women like objects, man. Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town, Lebowski. You don't draw shit. We got a nice quiet beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk- off name, I don't like your jerk-off face, I don't like your jerk- off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk- off --do I make myself clear? +A dick, man! And let me tell you something: I dig your work. Playing one side against the other--in bed with everybody--fabulous stuff, man. I'm not a--ah, fuck it, just stay away from my fucking lady friend, man. +I'm not a--ah, fuck it, just stay away from my fucking lady friend, man. Hey hey, I'm not messing with your special lady-- +Hey hey, I'm not messing with your special lady-- She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man! +She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man! Hey, man, I'm not-- +Hey, man, I'm not-- Who're you working for? Lebowski? Jackie Treehorn? +Who're you working for? Lebowski? Jackie Treehorn? The Gundersons. +The Gundersons. The? Who the fff-- +The? Who the fff-- The Gundersons. It's a wandering daughter job. Bunny Lebowski, man. Her real name is Fawn Gunderson. Her parents want her back. +Jesus fucking Christ. Crazy, huh? Ran away a year ago. +Fuck, man! That's terrible! Yeah, it sucks. +Yeah, it sucks. Well maybe you and me could pool our resources--trade information-- professional courtesy--compeers, you know-- +There's no ransom if you don't have a fucking hostage. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules. Zere ARE no ROOLZ! +Zere ARE no ROOLZ! NO RULES! YOU CABBAGE-EATING SONS- OF- BITCHES-- +Okay. Vee take ze money you haf on you und vee call it eefen. Fuck you. +VEE FUCK YOU UP, MAN! VEE TAKE YOUR MONEY! Come and get it. +Come and get it. VEE FUCK YOU UP, MAN! +VEE FUCK YOU UP, MAN! Come and get it. Fucking nihilist. +Come and get it. Fucking nihilist. I FUCK YOU! I FUCK YOU! +I FUCK YOU! I FUCK YOU! Show me what you got. Nihilist. Dipshit with a nine-toed woman. +NUSSING! ANTI-SEMITE! +Excuse me? Nothing. +Nothing. Yes. I understand you're taking away the remains. +Can we just rent it from you? Sir, this is a mortuary, not a rental house. +Sir, please lower your voice-- Hey man, don't you have something else you could put it in? +Hey man, don't you have something else you could put it in? That is our most modestly priced receptacle. +Yeah. We have the urn. +What's this? That is for the urn. +That is for the urn. Don't need it. We're scattering the ashes. +Don't need it. We're scattering the ashes. Yes, so we were informed. However, we must of course transmit the remains to you in a receptacle. +Yes, so we were informed. However, we must of course transmit the remains to you in a receptacle. This is a hundred and eighty dollars. +This is a hundred and eighty dollars. Yes sir. It is our most modestly priced receptacle. +They range up to three thousand. Yeah, but we're-- +What the fuck is he talking about? My rug. +Fuckin' A. And this guy peed on it. +His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. +What do you mean, Dude? Rug-peers did not do this. I mean look at it. Young trophy wife. Marries a guy for money but figures he isn't giving her enough. She owes money all over town-- +Yeah. I am the Walrus. +Yeah, well, what do you care, Walter? Yeah Dude, why is Walter so pissed off? +Sheesh. Walter, how-- +Where you going, Dude? I'm going home, Donny. +I'm going home, Donny. Your phone's ringing, Dude. +Your phone's ringing, Dude. Thank you, Donny. +Almost five! I got eighteen dollars, Dude. +What tied the room together, Dude? Were you listening to the story, Donny? +Were you listening to the story, Donny? What-- +What-- Were you listening to the Dude's story? +Were you listening to the Dude's story? I was bowling-- +I was bowling-- So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- +Yeah Walter, what's your point? Huh? +He peed on the Dude's rug-- YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. +What's a pederast, Walter? Shut the fuck up, Donny. +If what's during league play? Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit. +Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit. What's wrong with Walter, Dude? +I am the Walrus. That fucking bitch! +Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin! Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov! What the fuck is he talking about? +What the fuck is he talking about? That's fucking exactly what happened, Dude! That makes me fucking SICK! +They posted the next round of the tournament-- Donny, shut the f--when do we play? +Donny, shut the f--when do we play? This Saturday. Quintana and-- +This Saturday. Quintana and-- Saturday! Well they'll have to reschedule. +Burkhalter. I told that kraut a fucking thousand times I don't roll on shabbas. +I told that kraut a fucking thousand times I don't roll on shabbas. It's already posted. +It's already posted. WELL THEY CAN FUCKING UN-POST IT! +How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter? I'm shomer shabbas. +I'm shomer shabbas. What's that, Walter? +Oh yeah, how'd it go? Went alright. Dude's car got a little dinged up-- +Kill that poor woman. Walter, if you can't ride in a car, how d'you get around on Shammas-- +Walter, if you can't ride in a car, how d'you get around on Shammas-- Really, Dude, you surprise me. They're not gonna kill shit. They're not gonna do shit. What can they do? Fuckin' amateurs. And meanwhile, look at the bottom line. Who's sitting on a million fucking dollars? Am I wrong? +Who has your undies, Walter? Where's your car, Dude? +And then they're gonna stamp on it?! Oh for Christ--will you shut the fuck up, Donny. +Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis. They were Nazis, Dude? +They were Nazis, Dude? Come on, Donny, they were threatening castration! +Come on, Donny, they were threatening castration! Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Are you gonna split hairs? +Are you gonna split hairs? No-- +No-- Am I wrong? +Am I wrong? Well-- +What do you need that for, Dude? You gotta buck up, man, you can't go into the tournament with this negative attitude-- +Those are good burgers, Walter. Shut the fuck up, Donny. This kid is in the ninth grade, Dude, and his father is--are you ready for this?-- Arthur Digby Sellers. +What have you. We'll, uh-- We'll be near the In-and-Out Burger. +We'll be near the In-and-Out Burger. Shut the fuck up, Donny. We'll, uh, brace the kid--he'll be a pushover. We'll get that fucking money, if he hasn't spent it already. Million fucking clams. And yes, we'll be near the, uh--some burgers, some beers, a few laughs. Our fucking troubles are over, Dude. +Who's in pyjamas, Walter? Shut the fuck up, Donny. Not a bunch of fig-eaters with towels on their heads tryin' to find reverse on a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy-- +Are they gonna hurt us, Walter? They won't hurt us, Donny. These men are cowards. +"--So he says, ""My son can't hold a job, my daughter's married to a fuckin' loser, and I got a rash on my ass so bad I can't hardly siddown. But you know me. I can't complain.""" Fuckin' A, man. I got a rash. Fuckin' A, man. I gotta tell ya Tony. +Jesus, man, can you change the station? Fuck you man! You don't like my fucking music, get your own fucking cab! +Fuck you man! You don't like my fucking music, get your own fucking cab! I've had a-- +I've had a-- I pull over and kick your ass out, man! +I pull over and kick your ass out, man! --had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man-- +--had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man-- That's it! Outta this fucking cab! +And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. Yes, uh, very impressive. +Yes, uh, very impressive. Please, feel free to inspect them. +Please, feel free to inspect them. I'm not really, uh. +I'm not really, uh. Please! Please! +Please! Please! Uh-huh. +That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- +That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- Hey, is this him with Nancy? +Hey, is this him with Nancy? That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- +That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- Lebowski on the right? +Lebowski on the right? Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- +Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- He's handicapped, huh? +He's handicapped, huh? Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. +Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. Far out. +Far out. And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. +And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. Nancy's pretty good. +Nancy's pretty good. Wonderful woman. We were very-- +Wonderful woman. We were very-- Are these. +Are these. These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- +These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- Different mothers, huh? +Different mothers, huh? No, they-- +No, they-- I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- +I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- +They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- I see. +I see. --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. +--without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? +Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? +One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- +Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- Heh-heh-- +Heh-heh-- --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- +--smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- Yes, heh-- +Yes, heh-- --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! +1972 Pontiac LeBaron. Color? +Color? Green. Some brown, or, uh, rust, coloration. +Green. Some brown, or, uh, rust, coloration. And was there anything of value in the car? +And was there anything of value in the car? Huh? Oh. Yeah. Tape deck. Couple of Creedence tapes. And there was a, uh. . . my briefcase. +Huh? Oh. Yeah. Tape deck. Couple of Creedence tapes. And there was a, uh. . . my briefcase. In the briefcase? +In the briefcase? Papers. Just papers. You know, my papers. Business papers. +Papers. Just papers. You know, my papers. Business papers. And what do you do, sir? +And what do you do, sir? I'm unemployed. +...Me, I don't drink coffee. But it's nice when they offer. ...Also, my rug was stolen. +...Also, my rug was stolen. Your rug was in the car. +No. Here. Separate incidents? +Sometimes. I wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though. Or the Creedence tapes. And the, uh, the briefcase? +Ahh, not so good, man. One a those days, huh. Wal, a wiser fella than m'self once said, sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar, wal, he eats you. +One a those days, huh. Wal, a wiser fella than m'self once said, sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar, wal, he eats you. Uh-huh. That some kind of Eastern thing? +Uh-huh. That some kind of Eastern thing? Far from it. +Far from it. Mm. +I like your style, Dude. Well I like your style too, man. Got a whole cowboy thing goin'. +Well I like your style too, man. Got a whole cowboy thing goin'. Thankie. . . Just one thing, Dude. D'ya have to use s'many cuss words? +Take it easy, Dude. Yeah. Thanks man. +Howdy do, Dude. Oh, hey man, how are ya? I wondered if I'd see you again. +Oh, hey man, how are ya? I wondered if I'd see you again. Wouldn't miss the semis. How things been goin'? +Wouldn't miss the semis. How things been goin'? Ahh, you know. Strikes and gutters, ups and downs. +Thanks, Gary...Take care, man, I gotta get back. Sure. Take it easy, Dude--I know that you will. +Sure. Take it easy, Dude--I know that you will. Yeah man. Well, you know, the Dude abides. +This is quite a pad you got here, man. Completely unspoiled. What's your drink, Dude? +What's your drink, Dude? White Russian, thanks. How's the smut business, Jackie? +White Russian, thanks. How's the smut business, Jackie? I wouldn't know, Dude. I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy, and-- +I wouldn't know, Dude. I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy, and-- Which one was Logjammin'? +Which one was Logjammin'? Regrettably, it's true, standards have fallen in adult entertainment. It's video, Dude. Now that we're competing with the amateurs, we can't afford to invest that little extra in story, production value, feeling. +People forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone-- On you, maybe. +Of course, you do get the good with the bad. The new technology permits us to do exciting things with interactive erotic software. Wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic. Uh-huh. Well, I still jerk off manually. +Uh-huh. Well, I still jerk off manually. Of course you do. I can see you're anxious for me to get to the point. Well Dude, here it is. Where's Bunny? +Of course you do. I can see you're anxious for me to get to the point. Well Dude, here it is. Where's Bunny? I thought you might know, man. +I thought you might know, man. Me? How would I know? The only reason she ran off was to get away from her rather sizable debt to me. +Me? How would I know? The only reason she ran off was to get away from her rather sizable debt to me. But she hasn't run off, she's been-- +I've heard the kidnapping story, so save it. I know you're mixed up in all this, Dude, and I don't care what you're trying to take off her husband. That's your business. All I'm saying is, I want mine. Yeah, well, right man, there are many facets to this, uh, you know, many interested parties. If I can find your money, man-- what's in it for the Dude? +Yeah, well, right man, there are many facets to this, uh, you know, many interested parties. If I can find your money, man-- what's in it for the Dude? Of course, there's that to discuss. Refill? +Of course, there's that to discuss. Refill? Does the Pope shit in the woods? +Does the Pope shit in the woods? Let's say a 10% finder's fee? +Let's say a 10% finder's fee? Okay, Jackie, done. I like the way you do business. Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. He lives in North Hollywood, on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger. A real fuckin' brat, but I'm sure your goons'll be able to get it off him, mean he's only fifteen and he's flunking social studies. So if you'll just write me a check for my ten per cent. . . of half a million. . . fifty grand. +No! No! NO! THAT'S NOT-- I FUCKEEN KILL JOR FUCKEEN CAR! +Who the fuck are you, man! Come on, man! Relax, man! No physical harm intended! +Relax, man! No physical harm intended! Who the fuck are you? Why've you been following me? Come on, fuckhead! +Who the fuck are you? Why've you been following me? Come on, fuckhead! Hey, relax man, I'm a brother shamus. +Brother Shamus? Like an Irish monk? Irish m--What the fuck are you talking about? My name's Da Fino! I'm a private snoop! Like you, man! +Irish m--What the fuck are you talking about? My name's Da Fino! I'm a private snoop! Like you, man! Huh? +Hello, gentlemen. You are the bereaved? Yeah man. +Yeah man. Francis Donnelly. Pleased to meet you. +Francis Donnelly. Pleased to meet you. Jeffrey Lebowski. +Is that what that's a picture of? In a sense, yes. Elfranco, my robe. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal. Which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. +In a sense, yes. Elfranco, my robe. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal. Which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. Oh yeah? +Oh yeah? "Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say. Whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his ""dick"" or his ""rod"" or his ""Johnson""." +"Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say. Whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his ""dick"" or his ""rod"" or his ""Johnson""." """Johnson""?" +"""Johnson""?" Thank you. +Huh? Yes, I know about it. And I know that you acted as courier. And let me tell you something: the whole thing stinks to high heaven. +Yes, I know about it. And I know that you acted as courier. And let me tell you something: the whole thing stinks to high heaven. Right, but let me explain something about that rug-- +Right, but let me explain something about that rug-- Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski? +Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski? Excuse me? +Excuse me? Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it? +Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it? I was talking about my rug. +I was talking about my rug. You're not interested in sex? +You're not interested in sex? You mean coitus? +You mean coitus? I like it too. It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people--it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women--who engage in it compulsively and without joy. +I like it too. It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people--it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women--who engage in it compulsively and without joy. Oh, no. +Oh, no. Yes Mr. Lebowski, these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word. Our mutual acquaintance Bunny is one of these. +Yes Mr. Lebowski, these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word. Our mutual acquaintance Bunny is one of these. Listen, Maude, I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho, but I don't see what it has to do with--do you have any kalhua? +Listen, Maude, I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho, but I don't see what it has to do with--do you have any kalhua? Take a look at this, sir. +Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here. He fixes the cable? +He fixes the cable? Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey. Little matter to me that this woman chose to pursue a career +Shit yeah, the achievers. "Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, yes, and proud we are of all of them. I asked my father about his withdrawal of a million dollars from the Foundation account and he told me about this ""abduction"", but I tell you it is preposterous. This compulsive" +Yeah, but my- I'm getting to your rug. My father and I don't get along; he doesn't approve of my lifestyle and, needless to say, I don't approve of his. Still, I hardly wish to make my father's embezzlement a police matter, so I'm proposing that you try to recover the money from the people you delivered it to. +I'm getting to your rug. My father and I don't get along; he doesn't approve of my lifestyle and, needless to say, I don't approve of his. Still, I hardly wish to make my father's embezzlement a police matter, so I'm proposing that you try to recover the money from the people you delivered it to. Well--sure, I could do that-- +Well--sure, I could do that-- If you successfully do so, I will compensate you to the tune of 1% of the recovered sum. +If you successfully do so, I will compensate you to the tune of 1% of the recovered sum. A hundred. +A hundred. Thousand, yes, bones or clams or whatever you call them. +Thousand, yes, bones or clams or whatever you call them. Yeah, but what about-- +Yeah, but what about-- --your rug, yes, well with that money you can buy any number of rugs that don't have sentimental value for me. And I am sorry about that crack on the jaw. +Oh that's okay, I hardly even-- Here's the name and number of a doctor who will look at it for you. You will receive no bill. He's a good man, and thorough. +Here's the name and number of a doctor who will look at it for you. You will receive no bill. He's a good man, and thorough. That's really thoughtful but I-- +That's really thoughtful but I-- Please see him, Jeffrey. He's a good man, and thorough. +Jeffrey, you haven't gone to the doctor. No it's fine, really, uh-- +No it's fine, really, uh-- Do you have any news regarding my father's money? +Do you have any news regarding my father's money? I, uh... money, yeah, I gotta respecfully, 69 you know, tender my resignation on that matter, 'cause it looks like your mother really was kidnapped after all. +I, uh... money, yeah, I gotta respecfully, 69 you know, tender my resignation on that matter, 'cause it looks like your mother really was kidnapped after all. She most certainly was not! +She most certainly was not! Hey man, why don't you fucking listen occasionally? You might learn something. Now I got-- +Hey man, why don't you fucking listen occasionally? You might learn something. Now I got-- And please don't call her my mother. +And please don't call her my mother. Now I got-- +Now I got-- She is most definitely the perpetrator and not the victim. +She is most definitely the perpetrator and not the victim. I'm telling you, I got definitive evidence-- +I'm telling you, I got definitive evidence-- From who? +From who? The main guy, Dieter-- +The main guy, Dieter-- Dieter Hauff? +Dieter Hauff? Well--yeah, I guess-- +Well--yeah, I guess-- "Her ""co-star"" in the beaver picture?" +"Her ""co-star"" in the beaver picture?" Beaver? You mean vagina?--I mean, you know him? +Beaver? You mean vagina?--I mean, you know him? Dieter has been on the fringes of-- well, of everything in L.A., for about twenty years. Look at my LP's. Under 'Autobahn.' +Roy Orbison. . . Pink Floyd. Huh? Autobahn. A-u-t-o. Their music is a sort of--ugh--techno-pop. +Jeez. I miss vinyl. Is he pretending to be the abductor? +Is he pretending to be the abductor? Well...yeah-- +Well...yeah-- Look, Jeffrey, you don't really kidnap someone that you're acquainted with. You can't get away with it if the hostage knows who you are. +Look, Jeffrey, you don't really kidnap someone that you're acquainted with. You can't get away with it if the hostage knows who you are. Well yeah...I know that. +Well yeah...I know that. So Dieter has the money? +So Dieter has the money? Well, no, not exactly. It's a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins. Lotta outs. And a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's-- +Well, no, not exactly. It's a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins. Lotta outs. And a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's-- Do you still have that doctor's number? +Do you still have that doctor's number? Huh? No, really, I don't even have the bruise any more, I-- +Please Jeffrey. I don't want to be responsible for any delayed after- effects. Delayed after-eff-- +Delayed after-eff-- I want you to see him immediately. +Jeffrey. Maude? +Tell me a little about yourself, Jeffrey. Well, uh. . . Not much to tell. +I was, uh, one of the authors of the Port Huron Statement.--The original Port Huron Statement. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Not the compromised second draft. And then I, uh. . . Ever hear of the Seattle Seven? +Not the compromised second draft. And then I, uh. . . Ever hear of the Seattle Seven? Mmnun. +And then. . . let's see, I uh--music business briefly. Oh? +Oh? Yeah. Roadie for Metallica. Speed of Sound Tour. +Yeah. Roadie for Metallica. Speed of Sound Tour. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Bunch of assholes. And then, you know, little of this, little of that. My career's, uh, slowed down a bit lately. +Bunch of assholes. And then, you know, little of this, little of that. My career's, uh, slowed down a bit lately. What do you do for fun? +What do you do for fun? Oh, you know, the usual. Bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback. +What happened to your house? Jackie Treehorn trashed the place. Wanted to save the finder's fee. +Jackie Treehorn trashed the place. Wanted to save the finder's fee. Finder's fee? +Finder's fee? He thought I had your father's money, so he got me out of the way while he looked for it. +He thought I had your father's money, so he got me out of the way while he looked for it. It's not my father's money, it's the Foundation's. Why did he think you had it? And who does? +It's not my father's money, it's the Foundation's. Why did he think you had it? And who does? Larry Sellers, a high-school kid. Real fucking brat. +Jeffrey-- It's a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins, lotta outs. Fortunately I've been adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, limber. I'm real fucking close to your father's money, real fucking close. It's just-- +It's a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins, lotta outs. Fortunately I've been adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, limber. I'm real fucking close to your father's money, real fucking close. It's just-- I keep telling you, it's the Foundation's money. Father doesn't have any. +I keep telling you, it's the Foundation's money. Father doesn't have any. Huh? He's fucking loaded. +Huh? He's fucking loaded. No no, the wealth was all Mother's. +No no, the wealth was all Mother's. But your father--he runs stuff, he-- +But your father--he runs stuff, he-- We did let Father run one of the companies, briefly, but he didn't do very well at it. +We did let Father run one of the companies, briefly, but he didn't do very well at it. But he's-- +But he's-- He helps administer the charities now, and I give him a reasonable allowance. He has no money of his own. I know how he likes to present himself; Father's weakness is vanity. Hence the slut. +He helps administer the charities now, and I give him a reasonable allowance. He has no money of his own. I know how he likes to present himself; Father's weakness is vanity. Hence the slut. Huh. Jeez. Well, so, did he--is that yoga? +Increases? Well yes, what did you think this was all about? Fun and games? +Well yes, what did you think this was all about? Fun and games? Well...no, of course not-- +Well...no, of course not-- I want a child. +I want a child. Yeah, okay, but see, the Dude-- +Yeah, okay, but see, the Dude-- Look, Jeffrey, I don't want a partner. In fact I don't want the father to be someone I have to see socially, or who'll have any interest in rearing the child himself. +Look, Jeffrey, I don't want a partner. In fact I don't want the father to be someone I have to see socially, or who'll have any interest in rearing the child himself. Huh... +So...that doctor. Exactly. What happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn do that as well? +No, the, uh, police chief of Malibu. A real reactionary. . . So your father. . . Oh man, I get it! What? +This was, uh-- Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- +Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- This was a valued, uh. +What's your point, Walter? There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- +What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- +Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? +This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. +What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- +Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- What the fuck are you-- +What the fuck are you-- Walter, he peed on my rug-- +So who-- Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? +Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? No, but-- +No, but-- Am I wrong! +Am I wrong! Yeah, but-- +Yeah, but-- Okay. That, uh. +Donny! Please! Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- +Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? +You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? Theodore Herzel. +Theodore Herzel. Huh? +Huh? State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- +State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? +What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. +Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. What the fuck are you-- +What the fuck are you-- I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. +I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? +You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? "What do you mean ""brought it bowling""? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude." +Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. +First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. Hey man-- +Hey man-- Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! +Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? +Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. Hey Walter-- +Hey Walter-- Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. +Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. MARK IT ZERO! +Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- +You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- And you know Smokey has emotional problems! +And you know Smokey has emotional problems! You mean--beyond pacifism? +You mean--beyond pacifism? He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! +Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? No, you're not wrong-- +No, you're not wrong-- Am I wrong! +Am I wrong! You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. +Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. Just, just take it easy, Walter. +Just, just take it easy, Walter. That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. +That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. Well, just take 't easy, man. +Well, just take 't easy, man. I'm perfectly calm, Dude. +I'm perfectly calm, Dude. Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! +Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! Calmer than you are. +Yeah, but he's a fucking pervert, Dude. Huh? +Huh? The man is a sex offender. With a record. Spent six months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight- year-old. +Huh. When he moved down to Venice he had to go door-to-door to tell everyone he's a pederast. +Anyway. How much they offer you? Twenty grand. And of course I still keep the rug. +Twenty grand. And of course I still keep the rug. Just for making the hand-off? +Just for making the hand-off? Yeah. +...They gave Dude a beeper, so whenever these guys call-- What if it's during a game? +What if it's during a game? I told him if it was during league play-- +I figure it's easy money, it's all pretty harmless. I mean she probably kidnapped herself. Huh? +That...fucking...bitch! It's all a goddamn fake. Like Lenin said, look for the person who will benefit. And you will, uh, you know, you'll, uh, you know what I'm trying to say-- +Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing-- I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet-- I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter. +I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter. Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude. +Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude. Walter, face it, there isn't any connection. It's your roll. +Walter, face it, there isn't any connection. It's your roll. Have it your way. The point is-- +Have it your way. The point is-- It's your roll-- +It's your roll-- The fucking point is-- +The fucking point is-- It's your roll. +The what? The ringer! The ringer, Dude! Have they called yet? +What the hell is this? My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. +My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. Agh-- +Walter, I'm sure there's a reason you brought your dirty undies-- Thaaaat's right, Dude. The weight. The ringer can't look empty. +Thaaaat's right, Dude. The weight. The ringer can't look empty. Walter--what the fuck are you thinking? +Walter--what the fuck are you thinking? Well you're right, Dude, I got to thinking. I got to thinking why should we settle for a measly fucking twenty grand-- +Well you're right, Dude, I got to thinking. I got to thinking why should we settle for a measly fucking twenty grand-- We? What the fuck we? You said you just wanted to come along-- +We? What the fuck we? You said you just wanted to come along-- My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong? +My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong? Yes you're wrong. This isn't a fucking game, Walter-- +Yes you're wrong. This isn't a fucking game, Walter-- It is a fucking game. You said so yourself, Dude--she kidnapped herself-- +Oh shit. Walter. What the fuck is going on there? +What the fuck is going on there? They hung up, Walter! You fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands! +They hung up, Walter! You fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands! Easy, Dude. +Easy, Dude. We're screwed now! We don't get shit and they're gonna kill her! We're fucked, Walter! +We're screwed now! We don't get shit and they're gonna kill her! We're fucked, Walter! Dude, nothing is fucked. Come on. You're being very unDude. They'll call back. Look, she kidnapped her-- +Ya see? Nothing is fucked up here, Dude. Nothing is fucked. These guys are fucking amateurs-- Shutup, Walter! Don't fucking say peep when I'm doing business here. +Shutup, Walter! Don't fucking say peep when I'm doing business here. Okay Dude. Have it your way. +Yeah. So as long as we get her back, nobody's in a position to complain. And we keep the baksheesh. Terrific, Walter. But you haven't told me how we get her back. Where is she? +Terrific, Walter. But you haven't told me how we get her back. Where is she? That's the simple part, Dude. When we make the handoff, I grab the guy and beat it out of him. +...Huh? Yeah. That's a great plan, Walter. That's fucking ingenious, if I understand it correctly. That's a Swiss fucking watch. +Yeah. That's a great plan, Walter. That's fucking ingenious, if I understand it correctly. That's a Swiss fucking watch. Thaaat's right, Dude. The beauty of this is its simplicity. If the plan gets too complex something always goes wrong. If there's one thing I learned in Nam-- +FUCK. What'd he say? Where's the hand- off? +What'd he say? Where's the hand- off? There is no fucking hand-off, Walter! At a wooden bridge we throw the money out of the car! +There is no fucking hand-off, Walter! At a wooden bridge we throw the money out of the car! Huh? +Huh? We throw the money out of the moving car! +We can't do that, Dude. That fucks up our plan. Well call them up and explain it to 'em, Walter! Your plan is so fucking simple, I'm sure they'd fucking understand it! That's the beauty of it Walter! +Well call them up and explain it to 'em, Walter! Your plan is so fucking simple, I'm sure they'd fucking understand it! That's the beauty of it Walter! Wooden bridge, huh? +Wooden bridge, huh? I'm throwing the money, Walter! We're not fucking around! +I'm throwing the money, Walter! We're not fucking around! The bridge is coming up! Gimme the ringer, Dude! Chop-chop! +The bridge is coming up! Gimme the ringer, Dude! Chop-chop! Fuck that! I love you, Walter, but sooner or later you're gonna have to face the fact that you're a goddamn moron. +Fuck that! I love you, Walter, but sooner or later you're gonna have to face the fact that you're a goddamn moron. Okay, Dude. No time to argue. Here's the bridge-- +Walter! Your wheel, Dude! I'm rolling out! +Your wheel, Dude! I'm rolling out! What the fuck? +What the fuck? Your wheel! At fifteen em-pee-aitch I roll out! I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! The uzi! +Your wheel! At fifteen em-pee-aitch I roll out! I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! The uzi! Uzi? +You didn't think I was rolling out of here naked! Walter, please-- +Aitz chaim he, Dude. As the ex used to say. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the fuck're we gonna tell Lebowski? +What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the fuck're we gonna tell Lebowski? Huh? Oh, him, yeah. Well I don't see, um-- what exactly is the problem? +Huh? The problem is--what do you mean what's the--there's no--we didn't-- they're gonna kill that poor woman-- What the fuck're you talking about? That poor woman--that poor slut-- kidnapped herself, Dude. You said so yourself-- +What the fuck're you talking about? That poor woman--that poor slut-- kidnapped herself, Dude. You said so yourself-- No, Walter! I said I thought she kidnapped herself! You're the one who's so fucking certain-- +No, Walter! I said I thought she kidnapped herself! You're the one who's so fucking certain-- That's right, Dude, 1 % certain-- +Walter, what'm I gonna tell Lebowski? I told that fuck down at the league office-- who's in charge of scheduling? +I told that fuck down at the league office-- who's in charge of scheduling? Walter-- +Who gives a shit, Walter? What about that poor woman? What do we tell-- C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander back-- +Yeah, and in the meantime what do I tell Lebowski? Saturday is shabbas. Jewish day of rest. Means I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll! +That's it. I'm out of here. For Christ's sake, Dude. +But Walter, we didn't make the fucking hand- off! They didn't get, the fucking money and they're gonna-- they're gonna-- "Yeah yeah, ""kill that poor woman.""" +Walter-- Who's got a fucking million fucking dollars parked in the trunk of our car out here? +Who's got a fucking million fucking dollars parked in the trunk of our car out here? """Our"" car, Walter?" +"""Our"" car, Walter?" And what do they got, Dude? My dirty undies. My fucking whites--Say, where is the car? +You don't know, Walter? You seem to know the answer to everything else! Hmm. Well, we were in a handicapped spot. It, uh, it was probably towed. +Hmm. Well, we were in a handicapped spot. It, uh, it was probably towed. It's been stolen, Walter! You fucking know it's been stolen! +It's been stolen, Walter! You fucking know it's been stolen! Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude-- +Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude-- Aw, fuck it. +That wasn't her toe. Whose toe was it, Walter? +Whose toe was it, Walter? How the fuck should I know? I do know that nothing about it indicates-- +How the fuck should I know? I do know that nothing about it indicates-- The nail polish, Walter. +The nail polish, Walter. Fine, Dude. As if it's impossible to get some nail polish, apply it to someone else's toe-- +Fine, Dude. As if it's impossible to get some nail polish, apply it to someone else's toe-- Someone else's--where the fuck are they gonna-- +Someone else's--where the fuck are they gonna-- You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. +You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. But Walter-- +But Walter-- I'll get you a toe by this afternoon--with nail polish. These fucking amateurs. They send us a toe, we're supposed to shit our- selves with fear. Jesus Christ. My point is-- +I'll get you a toe by this afternoon--with nail polish. These fucking amateurs. They send us a toe, we're supposed to shit our- selves with fear. Jesus Christ. My point is-- They're gonna kill her, Walter, and then they're gonna kill me-- +They're gonna kill her, Walter, and then they're gonna kill me-- Well that's just, that's the stress talking, Dude. So far we have what looks to me like a series of victimless crimes-- +Well that's just, that's the stress talking, Dude. So far we have what looks to me like a series of victimless crimes-- What about the toe? +What about the toe? FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKING TOE! +Lady, I got buddies who died face- down in the muck so you and I could enjoy this family restaurant! All right, I'm leaving. I'm sorry ma'am. +All right, I'm leaving. I'm sorry ma'am. Don't run away from this, Dude! Goddamnit, this affects all of us! +I figure my only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off. Now that is ridiculous, Dude. No one is going to cut your dick off. +Now that is ridiculous, Dude. No one is going to cut your dick off. Thanks Walter. +Thanks Walter. Not if I have anything to say about it. +Not if I have anything to say about it. Yeah, thanks Walter. That gives me a very secure feeling. +Yeah, thanks Walter. That gives me a very secure feeling. Dude-- +Dude-- That makes me feel all warm inside. +That makes me feel all warm inside. Now Dude-- +Now Dude-- This whole fucking thing--I could be sitting here with just pee-stains on my rug. +They're nihilists. Huh? +Huh? They kept saying they believe in nothing. +They kept saying they believe in nothing. Nihilists! Jesus. +Yeah. And let's also not forget--let's not forget, Dude--that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city-- that isn't legal either. +And let's also not forget--let's not forget, Dude--that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city-- that isn't legal either. What're you, a fucking park ranger now? +What're you, a fucking park ranger now? No, I'm-- +No, I'm-- Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot! +Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot! --We're sympathizing here, Dude-- +--We're sympathizing here, Dude-- Fuck your sympathy! I don't need your sympathy, man, I need my fucking Johnson! +He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger-- The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose. +The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose. Near the In-and-Out Burger-- +Who the fuck is that? Huh? +Huh? Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers? +Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers? Who the f--have you ever heard of a little show called Branded, Dude? +Who the f--have you ever heard of a little show called Branded, Dude? Yeah. +Yeah. All but one man died? There at Bitter Creek? +All but one man died? There at Bitter Creek? Yeah yeah, I know the fucking show Walter, so what? +Yeah yeah, I know the fucking show Walter, so what? Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote 156 episodes, Dude. +Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote 156 episodes, Dude. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. The bulk of the series. +The bulk of the series. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Not exactly a lightweight. +Not exactly a lightweight. No. +No. And yet his son is a fucking dunce. +And yet his son is a fucking dunce. Uh. +Uh. Yeah, go figure. Well we'll go out there after the, uh, the. +Fuck me, man! That kid's already spent all the money! Hardly Dude, a new 'vette? The kid's still got, oh, 96 to 97 thousand, depending on the options. Wait in the car, Donny. +Is this your homework, Larry? Look, man, did you-- +Look, man, did you-- Dude, please!. . . Is this your homework, Larry? +Dude, please!. . . Is this your homework, Larry? Just ask him if he--ask him about the car, man! +Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry? Is the car out front yours? +Is the car out front yours? Is this your homework, Larry? +Is this your homework, Larry? We know it's his fucking homework, Walter! Where's the fucking money, you little brat? +Look, Larry. . . Have you ever heard of Vietnam? Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter! +Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter! You're going to enter a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know you stole a car-- +You're going to enter a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know you stole a car-- And the fucking money! +And the fucking money! And the fucking money. And we know that this is your homework, Larry. +Walter, if you're there, pick up the fucking phone. Pick it up, Walter, this is an emergency. I'm not-- Dude? +Dude? Walter, listen, I'm at my place, I need you to come pick me up-- +Walter, listen, I'm at my place, I need you to come pick me up-- I can't drive, Dude, it's erev shabbas. +I can't drive, Dude, it's erev shabbas. Huh? +Huh? Erev shabbas. I can't drive. I'm not even supposed to pick up the phone, unless it's an emergency. +Erev shabbas. I can't drive. I'm not even supposed to pick up the phone, unless it's an emergency. It is a fucking emergency. +It is a fucking emergency. I understand. That's why I picked up the phone. +I understand. That's why I picked up the phone. THEN WHY CAN'T YOU--fuck, never mind, just call Donny then, and ask him to-- +THEN WHY CAN'T YOU--fuck, never mind, just call Donny then, and ask him to-- Dude, I'm not supposed to make calls-- +Dude, I'm not supposed to make calls-- WALTER, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, WE GOTTA GO TO PASADENA! COME PICK ME UP OR I'M OFF THE FUCKING BOWLING TEAM! +I mean we totally fucked it up, man. We fucked up his pay-off. And got the kidnappers all pissed off, and the big Lebowski yelled at me a lot, but he didn't do anything. Huh? Well it's, sometimes the cathartic, uh. +Well it's, sometimes the cathartic, uh. I'm saying if he knows I'm a fuck- up, then why does he still leave me in charge of getting back his wife? Because he fucking doesn't want her back, man! He's had enough! He no longer digs her! It's all a show! But then, why didn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knew we didn't hand off his briefcase, but he never asked for it back. +I'm saying if he knows I'm a fuck- up, then why does he still leave me in charge of getting back his wife? Because he fucking doesn't want her back, man! He's had enough! He no longer digs her! It's all a show! But then, why didn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knew we didn't hand off his briefcase, but he never asked for it back. What's your point, Dude? +What's your point, Dude? His million bucks was never in it, man! There was no money in that briefcase! He was hoping they'd kill her! You throw out a ringer for a ringer! +His million bucks was never in it, man! There was no money in that briefcase! He was hoping they'd kill her! You throw out a ringer for a ringer! Yeah? +Yeah? Shit yeah! +Shit yeah! Okay, but how does all this add up to an emergency? +Okay, but how does all this add up to an emergency? Huh? +Huh? I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money, but my point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life and death-- +I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money, but my point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life and death-- Walter, come off it. You're not even fucking Jewish, you're-- +Walter, come off it. You're not even fucking Jewish, you're-- What the fuck are you talking about? +What the fuck are you talking about? You're fucking Polish Catholic-- +You're fucking Polish Catholic-- What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude! +What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude! Yeah, and you were-- +Yeah, and you were-- You know this! +You know this! And you were divorced five fucking years ago. +And you were divorced five fucking years ago. Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver's license? Stop being Jewish? +Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver's license? Stop being Jewish? This driveway. +This driveway. I'm as Jewish as fucking Tevye +I'm as Jewish as fucking Tevye It's just part of your whole sick Cynthia thing. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past. +It's just part of your whole sick Cynthia thing. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past. Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax-- YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I LIVE IN THE PAST! I--Jesus. What the hell happened? +AS IF WE WOULD EVER DREAM OF TAKING YOUR BULLSHIT MONEY! You thought Bunny'd been kidnapped and you could use it as a pretext to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on, and you'd just met me. You thought, hey, a deadbeat, a loser, someone the square community won't give a shit about. +It's all over, man! We call your fucking bluff! WALTER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! HE'S CRIPPLED! PUT HIM DOWN! +WALTER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! HE'S CRIPPLED! PUT HIM DOWN! Sure, I'll put him down, Dude. RAUSS! ACHTUNG, BABY!! +Oh, shit. He can't walk, Walter! +He can't walk, Walter! Yeah, I can see that, Dude. +Walter, you fuck! Shit, Dude, I didn't know. I wouldn't've done it if I knew he was a fucking crybaby. +Shit, Dude, I didn't know. I wouldn't've done it if I knew he was a fucking crybaby. We're sorry, man. We're really sorry. +Sure you'll see some tank battles. But fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. I mean 'Nam was a foot soldier's war whereas, uh, this thing should be a fucking cakewalk. I mean I had an M16, Jacko, not an Abrams fucking tank. Just me and Charlie, man, eyeball to eyeball. +I mean 'Nam was a foot soldier's war whereas, uh, this thing should be a fucking cakewalk. I mean I had an M16, Jacko, not an Abrams fucking tank. Just me and Charlie, man, eyeball to eyeball. Yeah. +Yeah. That's fuckin' combat. The man in the black pyjamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary. +Fuck you. Fuck the three of you. Hey, cool it Walter. +Hey, cool it Walter. Listen, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, man, so take it up with him. AND I'D LIKE MY UNDIES BACK! +What's mine is mine. Come on, Walter!. +Hy God! They shot him, Walter! No Dude. +No Dude. They shot Donny! +There weren't any shots. Then what's... +Then what's... It's a heart attack. +It's a heart attack. Wha. +Wha. Call the medics, Dude. +Call the medics, Dude. Wha. . . Donny-- +Wha. . . Donny-- Hurry Dude. I'd go but I'm pumping blood. Might pass out. +Walter Sobchak. The Dude, actually. Is what, uh. +Well can we-- A hundred and eighty dollars?! +We're scattering the fucking ashes! Walter-- +Walter-- JUST BECAUSE WE'RE BEREAVED DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE SAPS! +Goddamnit Walter! You fucking asshole! Dude! Dude, I'm sorry! +You make everything a fucking travesty! Dude, I'm--it was an accident! +What about that shit about Vietnam! Dude, I'm sorry-- +Dude, I'm sorry-- What the fuck does Vietnam have to do with anything! What the fuck were you talking about?! +Shit Dude, I'm sorry-- You're a fuck, Walter! +WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. +Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- Shit! +Shit! --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. +Dude here. Who is this? +Who is this? Dude the Bagman. Where do you want us to go? +Dude the Bagman. Where do you want us to go? ...Us? DUDE +Shut the fuck up. Hello? Yeah? +Yeah? Okay, listen-- +Dude here. Okay, vee proceed. But only if there is no funny stuff. +Okay, vee proceed. But only if there is no funny stuff. Yeah. +Yeah. So no funny stuff. Okay? +So no funny stuff. Okay? Hey, just tell me where the fuck you want us to go. +Dude. You are approaching a vooden britch. When you cross it you srow ze bag from ze left vindow of ze moving kar. Do not slow down. Vee vatch you. +Another Caucasian, Gary. Right, Dude. +Right, Dude. Friends like these, huh Gary. +Huh? No, she, she hit me right here. I understand sir. Could you slide your shorts down please? +Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? +You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- +Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? +I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- +So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- Did I urinate on your rug? +Did I urinate on your rug? You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- +You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? +Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- +Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- +Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- +Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? +You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- +Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- Are you employed, sir? +Are you employed, sir? Employed? +Employed? You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. +You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. Is this a--what day is this? +Is this a--what day is this? But I do work, so if you don't mind-- +But I do work, so if you don't mind-- No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- +No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. +Ah fuck it. Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! +It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? Dude. +Dude. Huh? +Huh? I don't know, sir. +I don't know, sir. Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? +Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? Sure. That and a pair of testicles. +Mind if I smoke a jay? Bunny. +'Scuse me? Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? +Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? Fuckin' A. +Fuckin' A. Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. +Where's my goddamn money, you bum?! Well we--I don't-- +Well we--I don't-- They did not receive the money, you nitwit! They did not receive the goddamn money. HER LIFE WAS IN YOUR HANDS! +C'mon man, who're you gonna believe? Those guys are--we dropped off the damn money-- WHAT?! +WHAT?! I--the royal we, you know, the editorial--I dropped off the money, exactly as per--Look, I've got certain information, certain things have come to light, and uh, has it ever occurred to you, man, that given the nature of all this new shit, that, uh, instead of running around blaming me, that this whole thing might just be, not, you know, not just such a simple, but uh--you know? +I--the royal we, you know, the editorial--I dropped off the money, exactly as per--Look, I've got certain information, certain things have come to light, and uh, has it ever occurred to you, man, that given the nature of all this new shit, that, uh, instead of running around blaming me, that this whole thing might just be, not, you know, not just such a simple, but uh--you know? What in God's holy name are you blathering about? +What in God's holy name are you blathering about? I'll tell you what I'm blathering about! I got information--new shit has come to light and--shit, man! She kidnapped herself! +Well sure, look at it! Young trophy wife, I mean, in the parlance of our times, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers-- and that's cool, that's cool-- but I'm saying, she needs money, and of course they're gonna say they didn't get it 'cause she wants more, man, she's gotta feed the monkey, I mean-- hasn't that ever occurred to you...? Sir? No. No Mr. Lebowski, that had not occurred to me. +Brandt, give him the envelope. Well, okay, if you've already made out the check. Brandt is handing him a letter-sized envelope which is distended by something inside. +Well, she's back. No thanks to you. Where's the money, Lebowski? +We know the briefcase was empty, man. We know you kept the million bucks yourself. Well, you have your story, I have mine. I say I entrusted the money to you, and you stole it. +Well? Aren't you? Well. . . yeah. +Well. . . yeah. All right, get out. Both of you. +Put me down, you son of a bitch! Walter! +You monsters! Help me put him back in his chair. +Who the hell is he? I'll tell you who I am! I'm the guy who's gonna KICK YOUR PHONY GOLDBRICKING ASS! +Look at that fucking phony, Dude! Pretending to be a fucking millionaire! I said out. Now. +I said out. Now. Let me tell you something else. I've seen a lot of spinals, Dude, and this guy is a fake. A fucking goldbricker. +This guy fucking walks. I've never been more certain of anything in my life! Stay away from me, mister! +Oh, shit. You're bullies! Cowards, both of you! +Shit, sorry man. Stay away from me! You bullies! You and these women! You won't leave a man his fucking balls! +Smokey Huh? Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. +Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. Bullshit. Eight, Dude. +Bullshit. Eight, Dude. Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. +Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. Bullshit. Walter! +Bullshit. Walter! This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. +Yeah, but-- Am I wrong!? +Am I wrong!? Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. +I'm not-- A world of pain. +Walter-- YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! +YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! +You happy, you crazy fuck? This is a league game, Smokey! +You come all the way down here to roust-- I came all the way down here same as you did. Keep from gettin' killed. Happened to see those jarheads beatin' on a good collar-- Habla Ingles, Tomas? +Tom here's my ninth hard felon of the month. Six weeks he'll be sucking gas. In three years I'll be working Central Warrants. Jewboy Deputy D.A. over there wets his pants for fighters. Promised me the next spot he can wangle. Impressive. +Impressive. Wanna hear something more impressive? My first twenty fights were stumblebums handpicked by my manager. My girlfriend saw you fight a couple times over at the Olympic. Says maybe you could take me. +Whatta we do about the Mex? We'll take 'em in the morning. +We'll take 'em in the morning. You'll take him. +You'll take him. He's half yours, partner. +He's half yours, partner. He's all yours. And I'm not your partner. +He's all yours. And I'm not your partner. Someday. +What? They tell bedtime stories about you. Blade the big, bad boogie-man. Frankly, I'm disappointed. That you were willing to come along so easily, I mean. Without any assurances. +Why? Survival. +Seems like he's doing me a favor, then. You're missing the point. Their vampire victims don't die. They turn. They become carriers. If the Reapers continue unchecked, there could be thousands of them before the month is over. Do the math. +Two years. "Then they weren't created to go after your ""patient zero""." +"Then they weren't created to go after your ""patient zero""." No. They've been training to hunt you. +You've been training two years to take me out. Here I am, the big, bad vampire hunter. So do it. What the hell are you doing, Blade? +What the hell are you doing, Blade? We're going to be working as a unit, you people will be taking orders from me. So let's get it over with. I'll give you a free shot, Reinhardt. +Where to first? The House of Pain. +This is our world you're entering. You may see things -- feeding. Just remember why you're here. I haven't forgotten. +What is it with you people and pain? We need it. Sensations are addictive and pain cuts the deepest. Tattoos, piercings, tribal scarring -- because we regenerate, none of it's permanent. So we have to take it to the next level. To remind us we're alive. +What was that? Nothing. +You're hurt. I'll heal. +I'll heal. What about Nomak? +What about Nomak? He escaped. You didn't tell me they were immune to silver and garlic. +He escaped. You didn't tell me they were immune to silver and garlic. I didn't know. +how long since he was bitten? Minutes. +Recognize him? From the surveillance footage in the bloodbank. He was one of the guard's Nomak attacked. +From the surveillance footage in the bloodbank. He was one of the guard's Nomak attacked. Which means he turned about seventy-two hours ago. +Which means he turned about seventy-two hours ago. Right. So why is he dying? He doesn't appear to have any broken bones, no entry wounds of any kind -- what's killing him? +Right. So why is he dying? He doesn't appear to have any broken bones, no entry wounds of any kind -- what's killing him? Time. +No hemoglobin left. Their metabolisms are too fast. They burn out. That's why they're having to feed so often. Their systems are self destructing. If that's true, what about Nomak? He's been alive longer than the others. +If that's true, what about Nomak? He's been alive longer than the others. Nomak's different. He's the carrier. There's something driving him beyond the Thirst. Something we're missing. +I've never seen anything like this. The Reapers are as different from us as we are from you. It's almost as if the virus is re-wiring their bodies, creating new, parasitic organs which consume the old ones. Like cancer with a purpose. +Like cancer with a purpose. Exactly. Look at the digestive system. It's been drastically simplified. Super charged. And this -- +He's right about one thing. We do have to survive. You don't have to hunt to do it. +You don't have to hunt to do it. Really? What are we supposed to do, then? Starve ourselves because we fee on others in order to live? What about that scumbag you just let off the hook? A nothing. A drug-dealer. How do you justify saving people like that? +Blade. We've got six Reapers. They're all dead. Fry 'em. +Blade. Save it. I don't want to hear your words. Let's do this NOW!!! +Each day is a little life. What? +What? """Each day is a little life. Every waking and rising a little birth, every fresh morning a little youth, every going to rest and sleep a little death.""" +Anyone else make it? I don't think so. +Thank you. For what? +For what? It would've been easy for you to let me die back there today, but you didn't. +It would've been easy for you to let me die back there today, but you didn't. I wouldn't read too much into it. +You don't want to go there. Why? +Why? Because one of us is going to kill the other before this ends. +Because one of us is going to kill the other before this ends. It doesn't have to be like that. We don't have to be enemies. +It doesn't have to be like that. We don't have to be enemies. Get real. I was useful to Damaskinos as long as the hunt was still on. Now that it's over, all bets are off. +Get real. I was useful to Damaskinos as long as the hunt was still on. Now that it's over, all bets are off. If that's true, then why'd you save me? +Why do you hate us so much? I am a hunter. A weapon. It's what I do. It's in my blood. +I am a hunter. A weapon. It's what I do. It's in my blood. Well it's in mine, too. I'm a pureblood. I wasn't turned. I was born this way. Just like you. Am I evil because I want to survive? What about a wolf? What about any predator? +You're hurting me. Pain cuts the deepest, isn't that what you said? +"It means ""bloodbrother.""" I don't understand. +How does it look? Not good. +What do you want me to do? I want to see the sun rise. +How do you feel? Like a fucking heifer took a dump in my mouth. +You came back for me. Did you think I wouldn't? +Did you think I wouldn't? Took you long enough. +Let's just hope you've kicked the Thirst for good. I'll be watching you close. You start to back-slide -- You put a bullet in my brain. Wouldn't expect anything else. +I agree. We play along for now, we might wind up learning something about how their world ticks. Either that or feeding the worms. +What do you think? Sounds like a plan. +Sounds like a plan. What do you really think? +What do you really think? These guys are shitting bricks cause they're no longer on the top of the food chain. They're going to fuck us the first chance they get. +He's right. They'll smell that you're human. Stay here, watch our backs. I don't like it. +I don't like it. I'm not giving you a choice, old man. +I thought you were supposed to be watching our backs. Ran into a little Reaper trouble myself. +Where were you, Whistler? I'll show you. +You ask me, you and Miss Muffet are getting a mite too cozy for my taste. I wouldn't worry about it. +I am worrying. Seems to me, you're starting to get confused as to which side of the line you're standing on. Pretty hollow words coming from a man who spent the last year running with the enemy. +Pretty hollow words coming from a man who spent the last year running with the enemy. What the hell is that supposed to mean? +What the hell is that supposed to mean? It means I'm starting to wonder if the vampires still have their hooks in you. You've been acting strange ever since I gave you the cure. Reckless, quick to anger -- You said it yourself, Whistler. Those vampires knew our defense system backwards and forwards. Where'd they get their intel? +Eau de suckhead. Tasty. We'll split into three units. First team that makes contact wins the prize. Try to maintain radio silence from here on out. +Your security's for shit, kid. Where the hell have you been? +Where the hell have you been? Just out connecting a few dots. +What's your problem, Whistler? Why don't you ask your girlfriend? +I did some checking on that Carter Stevens character. That familiar of theirs who claimed he was with the NIH? Turns out he used to work for them, but he doesn't anymore. Then who does he work for? +Come on, Blade. Talk to me! Blood... +And so will we. Look, I care about the humans who are dying, not you, got it? +Look, I care about the humans who are dying, not you, got it? Spare me the race card, OJ. We're not going out into the sun. It's too risky. +Spare me the race card, OJ. We're not going out into the sun. It's too risky. You don't have a choice. You're just going to have to protect yourselves as best you can. +Must be hundreds of these skeletons here. So? +So? So I think you people may have underestimated how many Reapers you're dealing with. +Put it back in park, Blade. Thought you were dead. +Thought you were dead. Seems like there's a lot of that going around these days. +It has been said, you may have enemies whom you hate, but not enemies whom you despise. Be proud of your enemy: then his success shall be yours, too. In that regard, I should thank you. For what? +You want me to hunt them for you. Not alone. +The genetic material you spliced into Nomak -- Where did you get it? I should think that would be obvious at this point. +True, but thanks to you, we know his weakness. We can keep him contained. It's just a matter of time before we hunt him down. Too bad you're out of it. +And why is that? Revenge. That's what Nomak wanted all along. To pay back the people who created him. +You got something in mind, Blade? Ultra-rapid detox. They use it on heroin addicts, make 'em go cold-turkey in one night. +Gonna try and OD Whistler on a retroviral cure. I don't know about this, man -- +Motion sensors. Looks like Zone Three. Human? +So you're going to do this? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Isn't that how the saying goes? +What's going on? He was here. Watching us. +He was here. Watching us. Nomak? +Nomak? He wants us to know he's hunting us now. +Kiss your ass goodbye, Reinhardt. You're wasting your time, Blade. The flechette's a dud. +So that's down and dirty. Got anything to say for yourself? Two things. One, I was on to you the moment they turned you. And two -- I switched that dud of yours back with the real one. +Hey, hey! The fuck you doing?! Getting your attention, Paco. +Getting your attention, Paco. Well you've got it, warmblood. Now what the fuck are you gonna do with it? +Oh yeah? Like how little? In case you hadn't noticed, we lost two men while you were out farting around. You need to ratchet those 'nads of yours down a few notches, paco. +Listen, hillbilly, you are a cunt-hair away from cowboy heaven. Ain't no thing but a chicken wing, buttercup. +We want to attract them, not scare them off. Yeah, but you fangs can see in the dark. What am I supposed to do? +What the fuck you doing? Ain't nobody here but you and me, chicken wing. I'd say this is as good a time as any to settle up. +His name is Jared Nomak. Thiavolos, as we used to say in Greece. The Devil. Pure Thirst. Nothing more. He was born a vampire, but he is an anomaly. Like you. Unlike the rest of us, however, he feeds on not just humans, but vampires as well. +I would hate to think you were losing your perspective. Who do you think God favors in the web? The spider or the fly? Nomak said something to Blade in Greek. Athelfiki singenia ex amato. Where did he learn that? +Nomak said something to Blade in Greek. Athelfiki singenia ex amato. Where did he learn that? From his father, of course. +From his father, of course. You experimented on your own, son? +We're locked in. Are you insane? He'll kill us both! +Are you insane? He'll kill us both! Maybe it's better that way. +Yes? They've made contact with the Reapers. +They've made contact with the Reapers. Any casualties? +Any casualties? Two so far. +An inevitability, I suppose. Nyssa was not among them, I trust. No. This is a dangerous game, you're playing, Damaskinos. +No. This is a dangerous game, you're playing, Damaskinos. Any game worthy of being played is. One must be patient. In this way, I have outlived my enemies. All of them. +You worry too much, Stevens. I have assurance from our friend inside that events are unfolding as scripted. As scripted? You've already lost two of your own. How many more are you willing to sacrifice? +I see from your questionnaire that you don't have any immediate next of kin? Not that I'm in contact with. +Not that I'm in contact with. Nobody to call in case of an emergency? +Nobody to call in case of an emergency? No -- Does that mean I can't be a donor? +No -- Does that mean I can't be a donor? It depends. We came up with some unusual results on your blood test. +Your blood has a very rare phenotype, one that's quite valuable to people like us. Us? What are you talking about? +Tell me something, Skid -- Scud. +Scud. Whatever -- What'd you do to the Charger? +Whatever -- What'd you do to the Charger? The pimp-mobile? Just made a few after market modifications. Nitrous-oxide injection system, forged aluminum pistons and crankshaft, higher flowing fuel pump. +The pimp-mobile? Just made a few after market modifications. Nitrous-oxide injection system, forged aluminum pistons and crankshaft, higher flowing fuel pump. Gave it a more aggressive exhaust profile ramping. +Gave it a more aggressive exhaust profile ramping. Fuck yeah. Whole package'll crank this betty up another three-hundred horsepower. +Fuck yeah. Whole package'll crank this betty up another three-hundred horsepower. And you'll burn the damn thing out before your next fucking oil change. +Where'd you dig up this shit-bird anyway? Look, what's your problem? +Hey, you think I don't know what's at stake here? We practically compromised our whole operation to save your puckered old ass! And for what? Our operation?! Our operation?! I built this operation, you fucking turd stain. +This whole deal's giving me a serious case of the butt-willies. Look, kid, they obviously found your base of operations. If it was a trap, why flip their dicks by announcing themselves? +The hell are you fiddling with there? Tweaked the phosphor rod, modified the collimated beam, wanna concentrate the light, get something like a UV laser going. +Tweaked the phosphor rod, modified the collimated beam, wanna concentrate the light, get something like a UV laser going. You're wasting your time, already been tried. +You're wasting your time, already been tried. Yeah, but you didn't have the Scudster working on it, did you? +Yeah, but you didn't have the Scudster working on it, did you? Nope. Back then we did not. +Nope. Back then we did not. So how long have you known Blade, anyway? +So how long have you known Blade, anyway? Going on twenty years now. +Going on twenty years now. Blade doesn't talk about the old days much. +Blade doesn't talk about the old days much. Blade doesn't talk about anything much. What about you, though? +Pretty. "I was backpacking. Hooked up with these two chicks who were off to see the Burning Man festival. We were gonna take ""E"", have ourselves a little freeball out in the desert. You know the riff, ""Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me, but --""" +What about you? You're not coming? After last night? Dude, I'm a lover, not a fighter. +Yeah, your little cootchie knew. You little shit. When did they get to you? +You little shit. When did they get to you? Back when Blade had me hunting down your puckered old ass. What's up with your hair, anyway? Fucking Willie Nelson look-a-like? +Whistler! Are we bringing home strays now? +She's been bitten. You should've killed her, then. +You should've killed her, then. She hasn't turned yet. You can help her. +I had to increase the dose. You're building up a resistance to the serum -- Just do it, old man. +Stupidity. Maybe not. I did some checking, she's a hematologist. Knowledge like that might come in handy. +Maybe not. I did some checking, she's a hematologist. Knowledge like that might come in handy. It's not worth the risk. We can't trust her. +Get in. You’re leaving. Wait. +What took you so long? Don't even start, old man. +Going somewhere? China Town. I need more serum. What's all this? +Don't try to talk -- Listen. You have to -- finish me off. You don't want me coming back. +Listen. You have to -- finish me off. You don't want me coming back. No, we can treat the wounds -- +Whistler, I -- I know. Just be quick about it, will you? Do it right. +Beautiful day, isn't it? How can you be out here? +How can you be out here? I dabble in pharmaceuticals, medical research. We've developed a type of sun-blocker using octyl salicylate, a few others things. +"It's not very effective in direct sunlight, but it's a start. The goal, of course, is to be like you, ""the Day-walker""." I don't buy it. +I don't buy it. Why not? The future of our race runs through your bloodstream. You've got the best of both worlds, Blade. All of our strengths and none of our weaknesses. +Why not? The future of our race runs through your bloodstream. You've got the best of both worlds, Blade. All of our strengths and none of our weaknesses. Maybe I don't see it that way. +Maybe I don't see it that way. Oh, so it's back to pretending we're human again, is it? Spare me the Uncle Tom routine. You can't keep denying what you are. You're one of us, Blade. You always have been. +Oh, so it's back to pretending we're human again, is it? Spare me the Uncle Tom routine. You can't keep denying what you are. You're one of us, Blade. You always have been. You're wrong. +You're wrong. Am I? You think the humans will ever accept a half-breed like you? They can't. They're afraid of you. The humans fear us because we're superior. They fear us because in their hearts they know their race has become obsolete. +The pause that refreshes -- Care for some? Smells good, doesn't it? Pungent, with just an irrepressible hint of iron. Pass. +Pass. You sure now? I bled a newborn for this. You won't find a drink that's sweeter. +You're not going anywhere. Watch me. +No longer. Frost!!! +Who dies first? Take him. +Guess you're not quite as invulnerable as you thought. You're wrong -- a few minutes more, and my transition will be complete. Even your sword won't be able to affect me then. +You're wrong -- a few minutes more, and my transition will be complete. Even your sword won't be able to affect me then. You don't have a few minutes, Frost. +You're too human, Blade. It's because I'm human that I can do this. +Is something wrong, my friend? You're blind -- +You're blind -- There are other ways to see. Sit. +Hold out your hands. I didn't come here to get my palms read. I need something translated. +I didn't come here to get my palms read. I need something translated. Show me. +This is an old tongue, from an old world. It concerns LaMagra. Who is LaMagra? +Who is LaMagra? The vampire God. This speaks of His return. +"The Day Walker's blood is a disparador -- a trigger, you see? For LaMagra's return. One need only consume it and the spirit of his ancestors will settle upon him. ""And the Sleeper will rise from the shadows anew, cleansing the world in a Tide of Blood.""" """The Blood Tide""." +"""The Blood Tide""." Yes. The vampire apocalypse. It is said that all who feel its taint will succumb to the Thirst. +Yes. The vampire apocalypse. It is said that all who feel its taint will succumb to the Thirst. How do I stop it? +I am tired. Dawn is coming. But I just got here -- +But I just got here -- You've been here longer than you think. +You shouldn't be here. I'm sorry, I -- +-- he's a vampire. You're joking -- +Why? Because you're tainted. The venom's still inside you. You could still turn on us. +Because you're tainted. The venom's still inside you. You could still turn on us. What happens then? +And you honestly expect me to believe all this? I don't care what you believe. I saved your life once, I don't plan on making a habit of it. You want my advice, you'll be out of the city by nightfall. If you're stupid enough to stay, that's your business. +I don't care what you believe. I saved your life once, I don't plan on making a habit of it. You want my advice, you'll be out of the city by nightfall. If you're stupid enough to stay, that's your business. I can't just leave. I have a life here, a career -- +I can't just leave. I have a life here, a career -- Not anymore. You've seen one of them. You won't be allowed to live after that. +I can go to the police. I have blood samples back at the hospital. I can show them. Do it. You'll be dead before you can file the complaint. +Do it. You'll be dead before you can file the complaint. That's ridiculous! No one's that powerful. +How did you know? Figured they'd send someone after you. Thought I'd wait around and see who showed up. +Figured they'd send someone after you. Thought I'd wait around and see who showed up. You used me as bait?! +You used me as bait?! It worked, didn't it? +It worked, didn't it? But, he could've -- +But, he could've -- He didn't. Get over it. +But he's a policeman -- He's a familiar. A human who works for the vampires. See this mark? +That's a glyph, kind of like a vampire cattle brand. That means Officer Friendly here is someone's property. Any of the other vampire's try to bleed him, they'll have to answer to Friendly's owner -- This glyph belongs to Deacon Frost. We've been tracking him for a while now -- Why in God's name would anyone want to work for them? +Why in God's name would anyone want to work for them? Because they're vampire wanna-bes. If they're loyal, if they prove themselves, then their masters will turn them. +Because they're vampire wanna-bes. If they're loyal, if they prove themselves, then their masters will turn them. And that's a good thing? +And that's a good thing? For some. Live forever, never get old. The ultimate high. +What are you doing?! Preventive medicine. +You can't do this, he's human, it's murder. It's war, now get the fuck out of the way! +Look, if what you say is true, if there's a chance I could turn into one of them, then I've got no choice, do I? I have to work with you. I need to learn everything I can about them. It's the only way I'll be able to find a cure for myself. There is no cure. +There is no cure. You don't know that. +What are you looking at? What do you see here? +What do you see here? Graffiti -- +Graffiti -- Look closer. +I know this place -- it's a blood bank. Owned by vampires. There's one of these in every major city, and just like Domino's, they always deliver. You telling me you're ready to walk through that door? +You let him go -- An hour ago you were ready to kill a man for less, this one didn't even talk. He will. +Looks like we hit pay-dirt. This place is crawling with them. See the valets over there? They're vampires. So is the doorman. How can you tell? +How can you tell? The way they move, they way they smell -- +So many of them -- I still can't believe they're real. There are worse things than vampires out there. +There are worse things than vampires out there. Like what? +Like what? Like me. +What is this place? Some kind of archive -- +Some kind of archive -- Isn't this all a little high-tech? I thought vampires were more into cobwebs and coffins. +Isn't this all a little high-tech? I thought vampires were more into cobwebs and coffins. You've been watching too much TV. They've got their claws sunk into everything -- finance, real estate, politics. Probably own half of Downtown. +You're hurt -- Nothing that won't heal by dawn. +What am I injecting you with? Serum -- it's a human hemoglobin substitute. +It's dark in here. You get used to the darkness. +I can't close my eyes without hearing her scream. Those aren't real memories. No one has that kind of recall. +Those aren't real memories. No one has that kind of recall. I do. I remember from day one. People staring at me, sensing I was different. Watching the fear grow in their eyes, knowing in their hearts I wasn't human. +I do. I remember from day one. People staring at me, sensing I was different. Watching the fear grow in their eyes, knowing in their hearts I wasn't human. If you're not human, then why do you bleed like us? I've seen vampire blood, you don't have it running through your veins. +Just get out of here. Blade -- +I made a trip to the hospital last night, borrowed some equipment. For your miracle cure? +Is he sick? Cancer. +You care about him, don't you? We've got a good arrangement, that's all. Whistler makes the weapons, I use them, the vampires die -- end of story. +My mother used to say that a cold heart is a dead heart. Your mother sounds like a Hallmark greeting card. +Any progress? Some. It's been slow -- +Some. It's been slow -- You don't look so good. +You don't look so good. I'm just tired, that's all. We've been up all night. +For what it's worth, I'm sorry. You make it sound like I'm already dead. +Are you all right? I've been better -- +I've been better -- How long have we been driving? +How long have we been driving? I don't know. I woke up just before you did -- +Is it bad? We get out of this alive, maybe I'll take that miracle cure of yours. +It won't work on you. What are you talking about? +Get out of here -- I'm not leaving without you. +I'm not leaving without you. You don't understand. The Thirst -- +-- tearing me -- apart. I know. Take some of my blood. +I know. Take some of my blood. No -- +No -- It's the only way. You know that. We'll never get out of here alive if you don't. +I can't -- I won't be able to stop -- Yes you will. The human side of you is stronger. I know it is. +I never imagined I'd be so happy to see the sun rise -- It's over, isn't it? For them. But for me -- +How's it going, Kam? You're a week early. +You're a week early. I was in the neighborhood. +Whistler says I'm building up a resistance to it. I was afraid that might happen. +I was afraid that might happen. Maybe it's time to start exploring other alternatives. +Maybe it's time to start exploring other alternatives. There's only one alternative to the serum. +But you -- died -- Deacon brought me back. +Deacon brought me back. Fight him -- +Please -- Listen to your father, Jason. It's going to be a better world. +How could you be a part of this? These are my people now. I'm one of them. +These are my people now. I'm one of them. You don't have to be. +You don't have to be. You don't understand. I've killed, I've hunted, and I've enjoyed it. +I wish you could see the world as I do. Deacon opened my eyes. There's no turning back from that. I don't believe that. +I don't believe that. You will. Time is on our side. Sooner or later, the Thirst always wins. +This isn't human blood. Then what is it? +Then what is it? I don't know -- Look at this blood smear -- +The red blood cells are biconvex, which is theoretically impossible. They're hypochromic, there's virtually no hemoglobin in them. Look at the PMNs, they're binucleated, they should be mononucleated. What about the chemistry panel? +Curtis, it's three in the morning. I'm really not in the mood for one of your practical jokes. It's not a joke. I've got the stiff sitting in the morgue right now -- look, just come up and see him, okay? Five minutes, that's all I ask. +It's not a joke. I've got the stiff sitting in the morgue right now -- look, just come up and see him, okay? Five minutes, that's all I ask. I thought you promised to give me some distance? +I thought you promised to give me some distance? This is purely professional curiosity, Karen, I swear. +"Five minutes, not a second more. And I don't want to hear a word about ""us""." No problem. +You haven't started in on the internal organs? Just the blood sample from the pericardial sac. +That's weird -- What? +What? He looks different now, burns are less extreme, some of these wounds have closed up -- +Tell me something, honestly, you ever have second thoughts about us? Sometimes -- +-- but then I remember what an ass-hole you were and I'm snapped back to reality. Jesus, Karen, you're breaking my heart here -- +Blade. Once again, our interests have fallen victim to his ridiculous crusade. He must be destroyed. You're wrong, Dragonetti. +The Day Walker represents a unique opportunity. We'd be fools to waste it by killing him. Deacon Frost. You refuse to speak our language, you insult the House of Erebus by using the humans' gutter-tongue, have you no respect for tradition? +Deacon Frost. You refuse to speak our language, you insult the House of Erebus by using the humans' gutter-tongue, have you no respect for tradition? Why should I respect something which has outlived its purpose? +"I see. And what would you have us do with this ""half-breed""?" Study him. Unlock the secrets of his DNA. He's the key we've been looking for. +Study him. Unlock the secrets of his DNA. He's the key we've been looking for. He is an abomination! +The shadows suit us, Frost. We've existed this way for thousands of years. Who are you to challenge our ways? Someone who's sick of living off scraps. The coming age belongs to us, not the humans! When the final war between our races comes, who do you want leading the charge? +These archives are restricted to members of the House of Erebus. Please. You and the other Elders wouldn't know what to do with these texts if your lives depended on it. Which, of course, they do. +Please. You and the other Elders wouldn't know what to do with these texts if your lives depended on it. Which, of course, they do. You're wasting your time, Frost. Far greater scholars than you have tried to decipher these words. Whatever secrets they hold have been lost. +You're wasting your time, Frost. Far greater scholars than you have tried to decipher these words. Whatever secrets they hold have been lost. Perhaps. +How do you like that? Right on time. The other elders will never let you get away with this! +How many of you are there? A few thousand scattered about the globe. In the past, we've had to restrict our numbers for fear of discovery. That won't be necessary after tonight. +A few thousand scattered about the globe. In the past, we've had to restrict our numbers for fear of discovery. That won't be necessary after tonight. What happens then? +What happens then? The Blood Tide. Our long-prophesied holy war against the humans. There's a force, you see -- a spirit that exists in our blood. I've discovered a way to invoke it. +The Blood Tide. Our long-prophesied holy war against the humans. There's a force, you see -- a spirit that exists in our blood. I've discovered a way to invoke it. LaMagra -- +LaMagra -- That's right. The answers were there all along, of course, scribbled down in the forgotten languages of my kind. Waiting for someone with the patience to decipher them. My elders were foolish enough to dismiss them as wives tales. But I knew better. Imagine my surprise when Blade turned out to be the key which would set that force free. +LaMagra isn't a physical being. He's a spirit, requiring a flesh and blood host in order to manifest himself. You. +You. Who better to usher in the Blood Tide? +There's no need for any of this. Your condition can be treated. Whistler and I were working on a cure when -- What makes you think we want to be cured? Blood is only part of the equation. The hunt, the killing, that's what the Thirst is really about. +What makes you think we want to be cured? Blood is only part of the equation. The hunt, the killing, that's what the Thirst is really about. But you use blood banks -- +But you use blood banks -- Only as a last resort. Preserved blood is inferior. There's no flavor left to it, no life. Fortunately, I've found a way around that particular obstacle. +You're a monster. Why? Because we live at another species' expense? Your people farm cattle and veal, don't they? Fattening them up with steroids? It's called evolution, Doctor. Survival of the fittest. +Blade -- You're wasting your breath, woman. He can't hear you now. It's the Thirst, you see? It already has him in its grip. +I was wrong about you, Blade. You were never one of us. You're a traitor to your race. Get away from him! +What -- ? You've been bitten by a vampire. We've got to try and burn out the venom, just like a rattlesnake bite -- +Who are you people? My name is Abraham Whistler. This is Blade. As for our little homunculus here -- +So what do you use, then? A stake? Some of the old wives' tales are true -- they're severely allergic to silver, various types of wood. Feed them garlic and they'll go into anaphylactic shock -- +Consider it a parting gift. Vampire mace -- silver nitrate, essence of garlic. So that's it? You guys just patch me up and send me on my way? +So that's it? You guys just patch me up and send me on my way? There is one other thing. I'd buy yourself a gun if I were you. If you start becoming sensitive to the daylight, if you start becoming thirsty regardless of much you've had to drink -- then I suggest you take that gun and use it on yourself. Better that, than the alternative. +We keep in radio contact. You've been listening in the whole time? +You've been listening in the whole time? You think I'd let him run loose without a chaperone? Blade ferrets their rat-holes out, I map them. Then we blow them all to kingdom come. +Whistler! Go on, I'll be fine! +Why didn't you tell me the truth about him? We weren't sure we could trust you. +Blade's unique, you know. A one in a billion anomaly. He can withstand sunlight, garlic, even silver. But he still has the Thirst. What happens if he doesn't take the serum? +What happens if he doesn't take the serum? The Thirst overcomes him, just like the others. It's not something he can control. The problem is, time's running out. His body's starting to reject the serum. And so far, all my efforts to find a cure have ended in failure -- +The Thirst overcomes him, just like the others. It's not something he can control. The problem is, time's running out. His body's starting to reject the serum. And so far, all my efforts to find a cure have ended in failure -- No offense, Whistler, but you're not exactly working with state of the art equipment here. You might have missed something. +No offense, Whistler, but you're not exactly working with state of the art equipment here. You might have missed something. Which is why you're here. We could use someone with your experience. +Why do you hunt them? Habit, mostly, just like this. +I had a family once -- a wife, three daughters. Then a drifter named Deacon Frost came calling one evening -- He killed them? +He killed them? Eventually. He toyed with them first. He made me choose, do you understand? Which order they would die in -- +How did you escape? I didn't. He was cruel enough to let me live. Even gave me a souvenir to remember him by. +And now you're using Blade to exact your revenge? Frost's bodycount keeps rising, and I'm not getting any younger, am I? +I wouldn't go in there if I were you. It's best to leave him alone when he's like this. I'll take my chances. +All right, let's start with the basics -- why do vampires need to drink blood? Their own blood can't sustain hemoglobin. +Their own blood can't sustain hemoglobin. Then vampirism is a genetic defect, just like Hemolytic anemia? +Basically you'd have to re-write the victim's DNA, alter it so that the DNA will produce proteins capable of generating hemoglobin. How? +How? With a retrovirus. It's injected into the bone marrow cells, it causes the host's DNA to mutate. They've been using them to treat Sickle-cell anemia. +On me, yes. On Blade, I'm not so sure -- The problem is, Blade didn't contract the vampire virus from a bite like I did. He was born with it. The irony is, I could probably cure every vampire but him. Then we're back to square one, aren't we? Sooner or later, the Thirst always wins. +What happened to the power? I don't know, but the back-up generator should've kicked in. +--and if she ever did-- --which she may have-- +--or incredibly fucking naive. Hey, folklore-- +Why don't you just cut it down and count the goddamn rings--who cares? Because it means the tree is older than the house. +'Give you a hand. I think my sleep for the night just ended. Join the club. +I need you to talk to me, talk to me about the dreams--about James, the other boys. I don't...I don't understand them myself. +I don't...I don't understand them myself. Try, please, Anna-- +Try, please, Anna-- --bad boys, mean boys, cowardly boys--just like Domini. +--bad boys, mean boys, cowardly boys--just like Domini. What do you mean? +What do you mean? A coward too. That's why she had to go. +A coward too. That's why she had to go. What happened to her, where did she go? +What happened to her, where did she go? Don't know--just that she was afraid-- +Don't know--just that she was afraid-- --Anna-- +What, are you alright? My eye, is there something in my eye? +Not that I can see. Closer. Lift the lid and look-- it hurts. +No. Closer. +You killed Domini, didn't you, witch?? I'm not a witch, you're all crazy! +--Jamie Kurth, Jonathan Edmunds-- --my God, Nick??? +Please! Please...? I haven't done anything. Bullshit! Talk! +Bullshit! Talk! Nick!! +Domini? Yes. +Yes. What're you doing there? +What're you doing there? Trying to find the energy. +Trying to find the energy. Inside the grave? +Inside the grave? To stand up--I'm exhausted. Been on the road since yesterday. +Her father's Sheriff of Taos County. Sometimes. Where are we going? +--stop it! Stop talking about it! I'm gonna freak! I just wanna go home. +Why? Any number of reasons--pick one, it's as good as the other. +Any number of reasons--pick one, it's as good as the other. I was out hiking, camping the past two days--that's what did it--I killed it-- +I was out hiking, camping the past two days--that's what did it--I killed it-- --doubtful, Mrs. Leavitt. The main thing to remember is, whatever the reason, it was for the best-- it meant something was wrong. +--doubtful, Mrs. Leavitt. The main thing to remember is, whatever the reason, it was for the best-- it meant something was wrong. Something was wrong. +Something was wrong. Look, this is not my field of expertise. You seem stabilized, but why take any chances? Let's keep you overnight and have the Staff obstetrician do a follow-up tomorrow. +Look, this is not my field of expertise. You seem stabilized, but why take any chances? Let's keep you overnight and have the Staff obstetrician do a follow-up tomorrow. I guess-- +No! Mrs. Leavitt-- +Mrs. Leavitt-- --I'm not staying here! +--I'm not staying here! Let's talk to your husband-- +Let's talk to your husband-- --he's not my husband! +"Shit? This is from ""Josh's Blair Witch Mix,"" man!" Down or off--you're giving me a migraine. +Down or off--you're giving me a migraine. Christ. +"Just trying to set the mood for the mission--get the ""feeling.""" Only thing I'm feeling is homicidal. +The bitched-out babe in back here is one Anna Tassio--we met one dark and stormy night in a Blair Witch chat room, we all did-- --Christ almighty-- +--Christ almighty-- --but she was nicer then--sweeter-- she hadn't vomited twice already like today-- +--but she was nicer then--sweeter-- she hadn't vomited twice already like today-- "--it's called ""morning sickness,"" asshole--" +"--it's called ""morning sickness,"" asshole--" --a six week bun in the oven-- +'Thought those all got stolen. Guess they thought it was safe to put some up again. +Guess they thought it was safe to put some up again. Think again. +Why are we here? She e-mailed me yesterday this is where we should meet her. +She e-mailed me yesterday this is where we should meet her. Who? +What's she look like? No idea, just talked to her on the 'Net--she's very good. +--how old? I dunno, probably right up there, based on her resume. +I dunno, probably right up there, based on her resume. Then there she blows. +"""The Voiiiiices made him do it.""" The Witch's voice. +Where they found the backpacks and all the film a year later. Buried deep under 200 years worth of soil, ash, and compost layers. +Oak? No. What's it doing here in the middle of the foundation? +Yeah, so? So whoever built this-- +This is funny?? This is tens of thousands of fucking dollars! You pricks! I'll see you in fucking court!! Not the only things missing, Nick. +--nothing left to play 'em on, honey. Oh, sorry, right. +Oh, sorry, right. You can be goddamn sure, though, I'm going to be looking at every second of 'em when I get back to Baltimore--I get proof who stole my shit and I call the cops! +You can be goddamn sure, though, I'm going to be looking at every second of 'em when I get back to Baltimore--I get proof who stole my shit and I call the cops! We're ticketed to fly back from Baltimore, anyway. +Druid Hill Park. That's a joke? +That's a joke? That's its name. A pastoral glade gamboling with crackheads and homeless and averaging at least one homicide a week. +Looks like business is booming. There's some stuff that's hard to part with. Editing's stuff's up there-- +--the witch kills children-- I haven't killed any-- +Hang you like the witch you are, unless-- --Nick!! +Cheery little place. It's like traveling back in time. +"Whatzername--the ""psychic"" Anna hired." Domini. Domini Von Teer. +So says her website. She is--she's helped solve a bunch of murders: Arizona, New Mexico-- +Jesus. What? +What? That's not whatzername--it's Mary Brown. +No, the kids were actors, the townspeople were real. Her, the Sheriff, the Convenience Store guy-- --whatever; that's her. +--myth-- --doesn't just pop out of thin air. It spins off of real events. At some point there was a Blair Witch-- +--doesn't just pop out of thin air. It spins off of real events. At some point there was a Blair Witch-- --or one huge attack of group hysteria. +No. You sure? +You sure? Yes. +--chalked just hours ago by ancient adolescents. It's called vandalism. What is this? +That's a sapling--this mother's got to be three hundred years old, minimum. It's a sketch, Anna--it's not to- scale cartography; the tree was not the kids' focus-- +It's a sketch, Anna--it's not to- scale cartography; the tree was not the kids' focus-- --do you agree it's that old, Nick? +--do you agree it's that old, Nick? Okay, fine, whatever, yes--it's an old tree. +--brother of Rustin Parr's maternal grandfather, somewhere after 1858-- --whoever--they built an entire house around a tree. Sticking up right through the living room. Somebody like to explain that to me? +--whoever--they built an entire house around a tree. Sticking up right through the living room. Somebody like to explain that to me? The rest of the family was crazy as Rusty Parr. +The rest of the family was crazy as Rusty Parr. Oh, c'mon--even you have to admit this is weird. +Oh, c'mon--even you have to admit this is weird. No--this is weird. +Your parents didn't have a bigger one? It was free--I recall that was the chief selling point for you. +It was free--I recall that was the chief selling point for you. No offense, sweetheart: fuck you. +No offense, sweetheart: fuck you. You know, Nick, you've been something of a total asshole the past few days. +You know, Nick, you've been something of a total asshole the past few days. Pardon me, I've had a few things on my mind--like putting this safari together. +Pardon me, I've had a few things on my mind--like putting this safari together. Like how weirded-out you are with this pregnancy thing. +Like how weirded-out you are with this pregnancy thing. Let's just leave it at: it was one hell of a surprise. +Let's just leave it at: it was one hell of a surprise. You don't want it though. +You don't want it though. Your body, your call. +Your body, your call. "Why is there no ""our"" here?" +"Why is there no ""our"" here?" Could we take this up later--like indoors, without half the world listening? +Could we take this up later--like indoors, without half the world listening? You feel no need to get married or anything. +You feel no need to get married or anything. Anna-- +Anna-- --fine, later, fine. +What? "You said the name ""James.""" +"You said the name ""James.""" I don't know. +Baby names? I don't know. Nightmare. +I don't know. Nightmare. You want me to scooch over next to you? +You want me to scooch over next to you? Yes. +--or someone-- --scared the living shit out of us. +This is a goddamn disaster. Let's just pack it up and go. I want to see the tapes. +I want to see the tapes. And what do you possibly think you're going to fucking see there? +And what do you possibly think you're going to fucking see there? No idea. But if that's all we've got left-- +I think we get the gist. We've looked at half of one tape. +For once could you just sit down, shut up, and give something a chance? We're leaving--case dismissed for lack of evidence. Maybe on the ride home we can figure how the fuck we're going to graduate with no thesis. +We're leaving--case dismissed for lack of evidence. Maybe on the ride home we can figure how the fuck we're going to graduate with no thesis. I'm not going anywhere, 'til-- +I'm not going anywhere, 'til-- --bullshit! +--now c'mon! Get your goddamn-- +We'll stay overnight, get a hotel-- --Cotter's-- +What can I get you? Sleep. +Nothing. I dunno-- --you should get back into bed. +--you should get back into bed. I guess, yeah. +Was that you laughing? What? +What? Just now? +Just now? No. +No. Just...try and go back to sleep. +Just...try and go back to sleep. I get dreams. I don't like 'em. +I get dreams. I don't like 'em. What'd you dream? +What'd you dream? Little boys. Looking up my skirt as I danced. Giggling. +Little boys. Looking up my skirt as I danced. Giggling. Here. +I don't know what it is, but there is something happening here, and it's starting to scare the living shit out me, and look, I'm just not going to argue the point anymore--you want to stay here, stay, but I've got to get the fuck out of here, and I'm begging you to come with me. I can't. +I can't. Then I'm going-- +Then I'm going-- --no, you're not. You love me too much. You don't want to see them kill me. +I want to see something! Whatever you want. +Whatever you want. The clothes--take 'em off-- I want to see every square inch-- +The clothes--take 'em off-- I want to see every square inch-- --no, what's wrong with you? +Are you marked like this?? Why? +Why? I see for proof positive you're the goddamn witch-- +--like you hurt the baby-- --what're you saying?? I didn't have anything to do with-- +Oh, Jesus, no-- --fuck your bullshit pieties! You were the next to die, asshole! +You're gonna owe me the rest of your life, bud. I know, I know. +I know, I know. Beta Cam's still coming back tomorrow, right? +Absolutely. Before 5:00-- +Before 5:00-- --hours before-- +--hours before-- --Christ, they find out I let you have it for the weekend-- +--Christ, they find out I let you have it for the weekend-- --no one'll ever know. +This is what you wanted enhanced? Yeah. +Yeah. You mind me asking: why the fuck? +You mind me asking: why the fuck? The, uh, blur there. +The, uh, blur there. Looks like a rope. +I know you're in there, you piece of shit! You have to go. +You have to go. Not until I get that Beta Cam back! We're both in a world of shit here!! +Not until I get that Beta Cam back! We're both in a world of shit here!! I can't. +I can't. It's my fucking job, man!! +It's my fucking job, man!! I can't let you in. +You want a hand? I want amphetamines. +Beer and weed is what I've got. Both. Now. +So, I hear you're from New Mexico! Sometimes. +--last thing I remember were those four clowns shooting the movie-- --yeah, the goddamn stoners! Who you think stole the stuff!? +One set. Everything from midnight on-- --no, I think they're all in there. +How'd you know they were-- --hunch. Just sort've saw 'em there. +--hunch. Just sort've saw 'em there. My ass--you saw those four fucking baboons put 'em there! +My ass--you saw those four fucking baboons put 'em there! No. +I don't think it was them. Oh, who did then? Blair Witch? Snatching equipment to make her own sequel? +Oh, who did then? Blair Witch? Snatching equipment to make her own sequel? I don't know yet. +I don't know yet. Well, please keep me fucking informed! +Hey, chill, man-- --there's something here, Nick-- +Something happened to Anna in Burkittsville, in the woods, I don't know. What? That made her lose the baby? +What? That made her lose the baby? Something. Someone. +This is a little nuts. Turn the tapes back on. +Turn the tapes back on. Fine. +Does it hurt? Like hell. Play the goddamn tape. +There, what? I didn't see anything. Back it up, rewind, whatever you call it. +Back it up, rewind, whatever you call it. Fine. +Okay, a blur. Can you zoom it or something, make it real close, real big? +Can you zoom it or something, make it real close, real big? I'm the ebay Boy, remember? I can't exactly afford that kind of equipment. +I'm the ebay Boy, remember? I can't exactly afford that kind of equipment. Who do you know who can? Where do we go? +Can't you like just divine it? If I could do that, I'd be at the goddamn racetrack, not here. +If I could do that, I'd be at the goddamn racetrack, not here. I got a friend at a Lab. I could get the whole thing blown-up, enhanced-- +I got a friend at a Lab. I could get the whole thing blown-up, enhanced-- --go! +--go! Four in the morning? +So lemme see it. Just let me get my coat off--I had eight cups of coffee, I'm wired for sound here. +The witch? It's not about witches, goddamnit! +--thank you, Heather Arendt--and arend't we glad you're here--a real witch-- --fuckin' A right-- +And let it be known--before we even get to Burkittsville--it's gonna be an eighteen thousand times better movie--for half the cost-- --which'd be about ten bucks-- +--which'd be about ten bucks-- "--and unlike the first one, every second of it's gonna be true! ""Blair Witch: The Real Story!""" +You're a complete fucking idiot, aren't you? Hey, Mr. Graduate Fucking Thesis here was s'posed to be driving! +From-the-movie-Mary-Brown, Trailer Park Bible Psycho? Oh, for chrissake, she was an actor. +I don't believe this. I do. +I take it back--she wasn't an actor. She's a nutjob. That's what Josh and Mike said. +That's what Josh and Mike said. Shut-up. +You're not only an idiot, you're a goddamn child. Why does everyone here but me have have a gigantic stick up their ass? +Nice tent. Hadn't even opened the thing since Cub scouts. +Hadn't even opened the thing since Cub scouts. Never would've guessed. +Never would've guessed. So where the hell am I going to sleep? +So where the hell am I going to sleep? If you're looking at me, look elsewhere. +If you're looking at me, look elsewhere. I've got the Panasonic Portable DVD player. +What movies? Ask me what I don't have. +What I never could figure about the movie? What? +What? Three people: two guys, a girl-- sleeping in the same motel room, the same tent night after night. +Three people: two guys, a girl-- sleeping in the same motel room, the same tent night after night. Yeah? +Yeah? No fucking. +No fucking. No. +No. Made no sense. Scared out of their minds, and the greatest stress reliever in creation right at their fingertips. Nada. +Made no sense. Scared out of their minds, and the greatest stress reliever in creation right at their fingertips. Nada. No sense at all. I'm a little stressed. +No sense at all. I'm a little stressed. Try a long walk. +We should be so lucky. Butt-ugly owl. +What're you, crazy?? What're you, nuts? +Get out of here! What're you doing with all this shit? +--yeah, a hand or something-- --coming out of the water-- +Me, too. Hey, I got a whole editing suite in my loft--more the fucking merrier. +What about night? Not a great idea. Especially 'cross the street. +Used to be a meat-packing plant. Slaughter on the ground floor-- carcasses schlepped up on this thing for dissection and grinding and-- --Cotter: shut up. +--Cotter: shut up. What? +Get inside quick, they'll stop. Too busy eating us? +Too busy eating us? Just go. +Mi casa y su casa! Su casa y shit-o hole-o. +Su casa y shit-o hole-o. Hey, hon'--this is what pays the rent and tuition. +English. I spend a lot of time on e-Bay. Buying, selling--sometimes buying then re-selling at substantial mark-up, sometimes just selling crap I find in the street. +Whatta you got, telescopic vision? Still don't see it-- +Where is it? I got the tape enhanced--and I managed to sleaze a photo blow-up. Jesus, he's gonna kill me when he finds out about the camera. +I got the tape enhanced--and I managed to sleaze a photo blow-up. Jesus, he's gonna kill me when he finds out about the camera. Gimme it! +Where's Domini? My room, asleep, last I checked. +Fire escape?? Don't have one. +She would've had to have a key, anyway, to lock the deadbolt behind her. Well, she got out of here some- how because she's not here!! +Same trees. They took Elly Kedward out to the same kind of trees. --I look and look in the tree, all I ever see, he's always there watching, that stupid owl, over and over-- +--I look and look in the tree, all I ever see, he's always there watching, that stupid owl, over and over-- --Cotter, where can I get on-line? +--Cotter, where can I get on-line? --anywhere, anywhere, all up and live, all the time--fucking owl-- +Cotter? Fucking owl! +Fucking owl! You think it's possible the tree in the Parr foundation is the same one they tied Elly Kedward to? +You think it's possible the tree in the Parr foundation is the same one they tied Elly Kedward to? No idea--goddamitt! +Boy Kurth. Heather, does that look like Domini there? +Where? Down there in the Park. +Not the place you want to announce your arrival. How's she going to know where to-- +How's she going to know where to-- --things got a way of finding you here. +It's freezing. Next time try putting on shoes-- +What the fuck--?? --I don't know. +The moon trying to shoot down through all these trees--can make things funky-- --I saw what I saw. +--I saw what I saw. Yeah. Me too. +Yeah. Me too. The cart they brought Elly Kedward into the woods with-- +The cart they brought Elly Kedward into the woods with-- --into the Black Hills with--200- something miles from here-- +--into the Black Hills with--200- something miles from here-- --Domini! +Be it still alive, James? What-- +I'd strongly advise you to join us-- --before you lose your emotional lunch. +Nobody's going anywhere-- --hell, I don't think I'm ever leaving this place again-- +--hell, I don't think I'm ever leaving this place again-- --one of us, all of us--I have no idea--brought whatever this thing is back here. We're not going to go out there and spread it around like Typhoid Mary. We're gonna figure it out, we're gonna bring a goddamn end to it. +"That's a ""j.""" "For ""James?""" +"For ""James?""" Goes right along with these two. +Who? No one ever comes here. +--f'chrissake, Heather, it's not like the two of us are gonna doze off he leaves for two seconds-- --I don't trust anybody, not even me, anymore-- +--I don't trust anybody, not even me, anymore-- --shhhh! #5, there's something up there! +"--it's the ""Blair Witch Cult""--a copy-- some pages from--one of them on the site must've gotten my message--" --who? +--who? Doesn't say--it's just these pages. +Remember....what Mary Brown said-- she could see the witch's hands on my face, her mouth sucking on mine. Anna's the witch. +Hold this. What? +What? The wheel. +This is her equally on-the-rag boy- friend, Nick Leavitt-- --turn the camera off-- +--turn the camera off-- --they're from UMass, doing some kind of fucking term paper-- +--they're from UMass, doing some kind of fucking term paper-- --Graduate Thesis-- +--Graduate Thesis-- --about the Witch-- +--Cotter-- --a Wiccan-- +--a Wiccan-- --turn the goddamn camera off! +We're not making Blair Witch II here. I am. +Cotter? I'm not finished. +I'm not finished. We're all going to be if you don't hit the brakes. +You drive, I'll handle the video, okay? Fine. +What're you doing? This isn't about us. +This isn't about us. Right. And the check's in the mail. +Was it every day or just semi- weekly you got your ass kicked as a kid? Now you can bring the vehicle to a stop: there on the left. +Either way, maybe there's a book in it, and they both make a ton of money. It's a serious sociological study. +What? Look over there. +Okay, but-- --now there. +"They're making ""Blair Witch II,"" too." No problem, just give us 'til dawn and we're gone. +No problem, just give us 'til dawn and we're gone. What? +What? Look, guys, we're cold, we're tired we're shook--we just want to get out of here as soon as there's light. We saw something up at Coffin Rock today-- +How're the cameras doing? Due for a re-load and battery check. I'll get on it. +--and none of 'em were mine! I-am-so-fucked, I-am-so-fucked-- where the hell was everybody??? Asleep-- +Asleep-- "--what happened to the goddamn ""Witch-watch??""" +"--what happened to the goddamn ""Witch-watch??""" --I dunno, I just woke up-- +Cotter, I think she's right. Why would those guys go to all the trouble of stealing the camera and all this other stuff and leave the tapes? Spite. +Spite. They were making a movie--if they were going to steal anything it'd be just the tapes, to see if we had anything they didn't. +403 41st Street, kids: home. I dunno it's safe to even get out of the car. +I dunno it's safe to even get out of the car. By day? No sweat. +Let's get inside. First enormous brick warehouse on your right. +Just one lock in this neighbor- hood? All I need-- +Running a junk yard. A Cyber Entrepreneurialship. +There's four other angles, man, we haven't even-- --great: we can watch Domini sleep for hours--or, shit, maybe if we stay at it for a couple of days, maybe a deer'll dash by! +What-- --oh, Jesus-- +--whatever you want, no problem-- --still go see the OB in the morning-- +You wanna keep it down, she's trying to sleep. Sorry, I didn't think we were making that much noise. +Sorry, I didn't think we were making that much noise. "It's not a real ""funny"" time for us, okay?" +Well, she's got to be somewhere here. No one's been in or out since you left. Would've heard the dogs. +How much of that stuff you guys been smoking? Enough to keep sane. +Enough to keep sane. Enough to make shapes and shadows in the dark into something else. +Chrissake: why any of this? I think it's time to get out of here. +It's Domini, it's not Domini, I don't care--all I know is I'm not dealing with something--anything-- snuffing me in my sleep. I want to do what we did in the woods-- surveillance of this whole place 24/7, with somebody monitoring those cameras every second. There's something, somebody here, I want to see 'em coming. I thought all your equipment got stolen. +I thought all your equipment got stolen. All the shit that was worth anything, yes. You'd be amazed, though, what you can get free on the 'net. +Just hold on! I can't! +Just let it go, I've got you! What're you nuts-- +What're you nuts-- --it's less than four feet, just-- +--it's less than four feet, just-- --shit!!! +What? One of the printers. +Why was she exempted, Nick? Maybe whatever they are, they just haven't appeared yet on her? +Ruins of the Rustin Parr house. Guy who killed all the kids in the '40s. +What is all this shit? "We're doing dusk-till-dawn taping of all the places where there've been alleged Blair Witch ""sightings"" --the Parr House, Coffin Rock, Tappy Creek." +"We're doing dusk-till-dawn taping of all the places where there've been alleged Blair Witch ""sightings"" --the Parr House, Coffin Rock, Tappy Creek." Why? +Why? See what turns up--which I guarantee will be nothing. Some of the rest of the party are more hopeful-- +She got paid. I thought the movie was bitchin'. +Look at those marks--just like in the movie. Ancient runes-- +--sacred and occult Scotch Tape. Rusty Parr had the right idea on child care. +Oooh. Oooh. Ah, Domini? +Ah, Domini? What? +What? You planning on sleeping out there? +You planning on sleeping out there? Not planning on sleeping at all. +Ripped? They look like they were bit off. Smells Like Teenage Spirit. +That's almost a year's worth of work! Scumbags! Oh, Jesus, Jesus.... At least you still have the tapes. +Pointless. No. I don't think so. +What? Why she kills children. +Someone want to tell me what's going on-- --and we brought it back with us! +The four of you really have too much spare fucking time on your hands, don't you? And what's your excuse for being here? +Women miscarry all the-- --no. +What's that? Hmm? I dunno. Chafing from the backpack, something. +Hmm? I dunno. Chafing from the backpack, something. That'd be up on your shoulder, maybe your lower back. +That'd be up on your shoulder, maybe your lower back. Then I have no idea. +What'd you see? Motion. Stop there. Play it again. +For a blur? There is something there--don't ask, just trust me. +Cotter'll kill you. He'll never know. +He'll never know. Two-to-one he dusts the keyboard for fingerprints the second he gets back. +At least go drink it somewhere spilling it won't drive him to suicide. Okay. +What is it you thought you saw on that tape? Still working on it. +Still working on it. Elly Kedward? +Elly Kedward? No. Elly Kedward's not the problem here, I don't think. She was just a good old-fashioned white witch-- +Dad...? What'd you say? +Are you alright? ....I don't know. +Jesus. What? +What? That's the reason. +What? It touched me, don't you see it now? +Slow it down, slow it down, whatever it is, we'll figure it out. That's why she kills children. +That's why she kills children. I know, I know-- +You gonna be alright? Sure. I'm sorry. +Sure. I'm sorry. No big deal. I'm just trying to understand. +No big deal. I'm just trying to understand. Get some more beer. +Get some more beer. I think you closed the bar again. I'll have to go out. +I think you closed the bar again. I'll have to go out. Go to the store. When you get back, I'll try to make sense of it for you. +What're you afraid's going to happen? That they'll start touching us inside our heads. +--bullshit-- --she wasn't a witch--we embrace nature, not evil-- +The good old days: toasting marsh- mallows over a burning witch. They never burned witches in this country, they hanged them. +They never burned witches in this country, they hanged them. Whatever--all I know is the persecution's going to start all over again, they keep pumping out inflammatory bullshit like this fucking movie-- +She wasn't a witch. Whatever. +Finally got her back to sleep. Nick, what you should do is get her back up and get her to a goddamn doctor. +Nick, what you should do is get her back up and get her to a goddamn doctor. Jesus, you don't think I know that? You don't think I've tried? She won't fucking go-- she won't leave this place. +Jesus, you don't think I know that? You don't think I've tried? She won't fucking go-- she won't leave this place. She's off her fucking rocker-- +She's off her fucking rocker-- --I know! +--I know! I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Yeah, I know. It's...alright. We're all a little-- +Yeah, I know. It's...alright. We're all a little-- --a lot. +--a lot. Heather. +Heather. Yeah. +Yeah. Okay. Hypothetically. +Okay. Hypothetically. Shoot. +Shoot. You think....there could've been something up in those woods that Anna-- +You think....there could've been something up in those woods that Anna-- --it's not a could've--there was, Nick. And it fucked up Anna, and did something to Domini, and it caused my father to die, and it's here with us in this place now. And I don't have one single idea in hell what's going to happen next, just that it's going to happen to one of us. And then the other. And then the other. It's going to get into our brains. +There's explanations. Rational explanations for everything that's happened. We'll drive ourselves crazy if we keep obsessing on supernatural what-ifs. That feels good. Lower--down into my neck. +What? I dunno it's anything. It's a name Anna's mentioned--from her dreams. +Spare me. Hey, chemicals, fear, sleep- deprivation--and a round-the-clock obsession with the occult--hell've a recipe for a mind-fuck. +We are being fucked with here, someone or something. Domini. +Domini. Why in the world would she-- +Why in the world would she-- --why in the world would she just fly the coop in the first place? +Domini's the only logical explanation. We're not dealing with fucking logic here! +I can't do it! Don't! You're making me lose my grip. +"Gothic rune--the letter ""S.""" Or a blood blister--or a bruise. +"Put 'em together that's a ""k."" James Kurth--" --or Lyme Disease or poison sumac, or God knows what-else we could have picked up in the woods. +--or Lyme Disease or poison sumac, or God knows what-else we could have picked up in the woods. You know what we picked up in the woods-- +I should check on Anna. Check the monitor, she's fine. +Check the monitor, she's fine. "She's far from ""fine.""" +"She's far from ""fine.""" You're needed here--keep watching-- +No. We all go. Anna-- +Anna-- --fuck Anna! +"""It's why the witch kills children.""" I thought all witches were benign and good. +I thought all witches were benign and good. Not this one. +What the fuck's going on here? Does she have marks, Nick--like the ones we have, that Domini had? +Does she have marks, Nick--like the ones we have, that Domini had? Why? +Why? Does she, goddamnit?? +Does she, goddamnit?? Not that I've seen--but that has no meaning--that means nothing. +It's possible for chrissake-- --the marks appear, then you disappear. Like the little Kurth boy, like Domini, as soon as they come to full bloom--and mine are! +Like a blueprint for disembowelment. There are other explanations! She is not the goddamn witch, that's insane! +There are other explanations! She is not the goddamn witch, that's insane! Then just give me one of your explanations that all three of us'll buy. +Then just give me one of your explanations that all three of us'll buy. I don't.... +Good morning, Sheriff's Office. Yes! I need to speak to Sheriff Von Teer. +Yes! I need to speak to Sheriff Von Teer. He's in a meeting. Could I have him-- +He's in a meeting. Could I have him-- --it's urgent! +--it's urgent! Could I tell him what it's regarding? +Could I tell him what it's regarding? His daughter, for God's sake-- I need to know if he's heard from her this morning. +....Ma'am? I'm talking to Taos, New Mexico-- +I'm talking to Taos, New Mexico-- --yes-- +--yes-- --the Sheriff's Office-- +--the Sheriff's Office-- --yes, Ma'am, can I help you with anything else?-- +--yes, Ma'am, can I help you with anything else?-- --his name's Von Teer! His daughter's named Domini!-- +--his name's Von Teer! His daughter's named Domini!-- --thank you for calling-- +She wants me to talk to you, Heather. Who is this?? +Who is this?? Your mother's pastor. +Your mother's pastor. What happened to my Dad?? +What happened to my Dad?? There was an accident early this morning. Another car. Your father's injuries were fatal. +There was an accident early this morning. Another car. Your father's injuries were fatal. Yes. +Yes. I'll tell your mother not to expect you at the funeral. +I'll tell your mother not to expect you at the funeral. No. +Listen Meurice, you're gonna help me with a problem. I am? +You're gonna keep an eye on Marty and Ray, make sure nothing happens. It won't? +Thanks, Meurice. Any time. But you don't have to worry about a thing for a while. Marty went down to Corpus yesterday. +Abby. What's the matter? I... I'm sorry, Meurice. I gotta talk to you... Can I come in? +Jesus, I got a hangover. Want a drink? No, I-- +No, I-- Well I do... +...For you I answer the door. If you wanna stay here, that's fine. But I'm retired. Something happened with Marty and Ray-- +Something happened with Marty and Ray-- Abby... +...Ray stole a shitload of money from Marty. Until both of 'em calm down I'm not getting involved. No Meurice, it's worse than that. Something really happened, I think Marty's dead-- +No Meurice, it's worse than that. Something really happened, I think Marty's dead-- What?! Did Ray tell you that? +What?! Did Ray tell you that? Sort of... +...I mean, I don't know where he is, but he ain't dead. Meurice-- +Meurice-- You don't look too good. You sleep last night? +...Ray? Yeah. +Yeah. What was that? +What was that? Your husband. +Why d'you wanna leave all this? You kidding? I don't wanna leave all this, I just wanna leave Marty... +...Drive me to a motel? You can stay at my place, I'll drop you there. +You can stay at my place, I'll drop you there. Where... where you going? +Where... where you going? See a guy. +See a guy. Don't go to the bar, Ray. I know him, that ain't a good idea. +Don't go to the bar, Ray. I know him, that ain't a good idea. I just gotta see a guy. +Who was it? What? +What? On the phone. Was it for you? +On the phone. Was it for you? I don't know, he didn't say anything. +I don't know, he didn't say anything. Uh-huh. So how do you know it was a he? +Uh-huh. So how do you know it was a he? You got a girl--am I screwing something up by being here? +...I can find a place tomorrow, then I'll be outta your hair. If that's what you want to do, then you oughta do it. You, uh... you want the bed or the couch? +Well... the couch would be all right... You can sleep on the bed if you want. +You can sleep on the bed if you want. Well... I'm not gonna put you out of your bed... +Well... I'm not gonna put you out of your bed... You wouldn't be putting me out. +You wouldn't be putting me out. ...Well, I'd be okay in here-- +I could've sworn I heard something. Door's locked. Nothing there. +I knew it. 'Cause we wouldn't have heard anything if it was him. He's real careful. Fact is, he's anal. ...Huh? +...Huh? Yeah, he told me once himself. He said to me... +...Well I'll be damned. I couldn't believe it either... +...He sent me to a psychiatrist to see if he could calm me down some. Yeah? What happened? +Yeah? What happened? Psychiatrist said I was the healthiest person he'd ever met, so Marty fired him. +Psychiatrist said I was the healthiest person he'd ever met, so Marty fired him. ...I don't know if you can fire a psychiatrist, exactly. +...I don't know if you can fire a psychiatrist, exactly. Well, I didn't see him anymore, I'll tell you that much. +Uh-huh. I said, Marty, how come you're anal and I gotta go to the psychiatrist? +I said, Marty, how come you're anal and I gotta go to the psychiatrist? What'd he say? +Nothing. He's like you, he doesn't say much. Thanks. +Thanks. Except when he doesn't say things they're usually nasty. +Except when he doesn't say things they're usually nasty. ...Mm-hmm. +...Mm-hmm. When you don't they're usually nice. +When you don't they're usually nice. ...You ever get tired? +...You ever get tired? Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess. Mm-hmm. +Hello? Abby... you all right? +Abby... you all right? Ray?... What time is it? +Ray?... What time is it? I don't know. It's early... I love you. +...You all right? I don't know. I better get off now. +Okay, see ya... Thanks, Ray. Abby-- +...Ray? You're bad. +...What? I said you're bad. +Why didn't you get into bed? I didn't think I could sleep. I'm surprised you could. Are you all right? +I didn't think I could sleep. I'm surprised you could. Are you all right? Yeah... +...You called me this morning. Yeah. +...I just wanted to let you know that everything was all right. I took care of everything. Now all we have to do is keep our heads. ...What do you mean? +What happened?--Was Meurice there? Yeah. +Well... what happened? I cleaned it all up, but that ain't important... +...Anyway, we got some time now. But we gotta be smart. Ray-- +Ray-- Abby, never point a gun at anyone unless you're gonna shoot him. And when you shoot him you better make sure he's dead... +...That's the only thing they told us in the service that was worth a goddamn--Where the hell's my windbreaker? What the hell happened, Ray? +...That's what's important. I don't know what you're talking about. +I... I mean what're you talking about, Ray? I haven't done anything funny. ...What was that? +...Who? Marty. +...What's going on with you two? All right... +...Where is everything? In the trunk. +...You leaving? Isn't that what you want? +...But first I gotta know what happened. What do you want to know? +What do you want to know? You broke into the bar. You wanted to get your money. You and Marty had a fight. Something happened... +...I don't know, wasn't it you? Maybe a burglar broke in, and you found-- With your gun?... +...So? I think someone's watching. +If he does come in I'm not here... What were you drinking, Debra? Remy. +Remy. You've got a very sophisticated palate. +You've got a very sophisticated palate. Thanks. +Thanks. Give Debra here another drink, and give me the usual. +Listen, I got tickets for the Oilers and the Rams next week in the Astrodome. Ever sat on the fifty yard line? I don't follow baseball. +You won't have to. I'll explain what a palate is. You won't have to. I just wanted to see if you knew. +So how long have you know Meurice? About ten years. +...So what're you doing tonight? Going out with Meurice. +It'll pass. We don't seem to be communicating-- +We don't seem to be communicating-- You want to hustle me. I don't want to be hustled. It's as simple as that. Now that I've communicated, why don't you leave? +You want to hustle me. I don't want to be hustled. It's as simple as that. Now that I've communicated, why don't you leave? I own the place. +I own the place. Christ, I'm getting bored. +Christ, I'm getting bored. I'm not surprised, the company you've been keeping the last ten years. +He needs a room, Dusty. I reckon I can hear him... ...Room rate's eight sixty-six a day plus sales tax, plus extra for the TV option. +I reckon I can hear him. TV option, that's a dollar twenty, makes nine eighty-six plus tax. Tell him the channels, Dusty. +Tell him the channels, Dusty. Channels, we got two and six. Two don't come in so hot. +Sure don't. See, Wednesday's the special on RC Cola. I don't know if I explained about the TV option. If there's a TV in the room, you got to pay the option. +See, Wednesday's the special on RC Cola. I don't know if I explained about the TV option. If there's a TV in the room, you got to pay the option. And how many room got TV, Dusty? +And how many room got TV, Dusty? Ever durned one. +Hold it, hold it. What's tonight? What? +What? What night is it? +What night is it? ...Friday? +...Friday? Right. Friday night is Yankee night. Where're you from? +Right. Friday night is Yankee night. Where're you from? Lubbock? +...He gave me a little pearl-handled .38 for out first anniversary. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. ...Figured I'd better leave before I used it on him. I don't know how you can stand him. +...Figured I'd better leave before I used it on him. I don't know how you can stand him. Well, I'm only an employee, I ain't married to him. +Well, I'm only an employee, I ain't married to him. Yeah... +...I don't know. Sometimes I think there's something wrong with him. Like maybe he's sick? Mentally?... Or is it maybe me, do you think? Listen, I ain't a marriage counselor. I don't know what goes on, I don't wanna know... But I like you. I always liked you... +...What're you gonna do in Houston? I'll figure something out... How come you offered to drive me in this mess? +I'll figure something out... How come you offered to drive me in this mess? I told you. I like you. +I told you. I like you. See, I never knew that. +See, I never knew that. Well now you do. +Well now you do. ...Hell. +...You know that car? No. +No. What's the matter? +What's the matter? I don't know... I just think maybe I'm making a mistake... +...What was that back there? Back where? +Back where? Sign. +Sign. I don't know. Motel... Abby-- +I don't know. Motel... Abby-- Ray. Did you mean that, what you said before, or were you just being a gentleman? +Ray. Did you mean that, what you said before, or were you just being a gentleman? Abby, I like you, but it's no point starting anything now. +Abby, I like you, but it's no point starting anything now. Yeah. +Yeah. I mean, I ain't a marriage counselor-- +I mean, I ain't a marriage counselor-- Yeah. +"What ""what""?" Am I fired? You wanna hit me? What? +Am I fired? You wanna hit me? What? I don't particularly want to talk to you. +I don't particularly want to talk to you. Well... if you're not gonna fire me I might as well quit. +Well... if you're not gonna fire me I might as well quit. Fine. Suit yourself. ...Having a good time? +Then what'd you come here for? You owe me for two weeks. +...You get a refund though, if you tell me who else she's been sluicing. I want that money. If you wanna tell me something, fine-- +I want that money. If you wanna tell me something, fine-- What're you, a fucking marriage counselor? +What did you take these for? What do you mean... +...Just doin' my job. You called me, I knew they were there, so what do I need these for? +You called me, I knew they were there, so what do I need these for? Well, I don't know... Call it a fringe benefit. +Well, I don't know... Call it a fringe benefit. How long did you watch her? +How long did you watch her? Most of the night... +Now that don't make much sense. No. It just made them feel better. +...Anything else? Yeah, don't come by here any more. If I need you again I know which rock to turn over. +...That's the test, ain't it? Test of true love-- Got a job for you. +Got a job for you. ...Well, if the pay's right and it's legal I'll do it. +...Well, if the pay's right and it's legal I'll do it. It's not strictly legal. +If the pay's right I'll do it. It's, uh... it's in reference to that gentleman and my wife. The more I think about it the more irritated I get. +It's, uh... it's in reference to that gentleman and my wife. The more I think about it the more irritated I get. Yeah? Well how irritated are you? +...Gee, I'm sorry to hear that. Can you tell me what you want me to do or is it a secret? Listen, I'm not--this isn't a joke here. +You want me to kill 'em. I didn't say that. Well? +I didn't say that. Well? Well what? +Well what? What do you think? +What do you think? You're an idiot. +So, uh... this wouldn't interest you. I didn't say that. All I said was you're an idiot. Hell, you been thinking about it so much it's driving you simple. +I'm supposed to do a murder--two murders--and just trust you not to go simple on me and do something stupid. I mean real stupid. Now why should I trust you? For the money. +For the money. The money. Yeah. That's a right smart of money... +...There's a big-- I want you to go fishing. +I want you to go fishing. ...What? +...What? Go down to Corpus for a few days. Get yourself noticed. I'll give you a call when it's done... You just find a way to cover that money. +Yeah. Is it... Ya catch any fish? +Ya catch any fish? ...What? +...What? Ya catch any fish? +Ya catch any fish? Yeah... +Yeah... ...What kind of fish? +...What kind of fish? Listen, what is it? Is it done? +Just the ten thousand'll be fine. Got something to show me first? +Dead, huh? So it would seem. +...What did you do with the bodies? It's taken care of. The less you know about it the better. +It's taken care of. The less you know about it the better. Jesus, I don't believe it... +Something I got to ask you, Marty. I've been very very careful. Have you been very very careful? Of course. +Of course. Nobody knows you hired me? +...I just made a call about that. It'll look fine. I must've gone money simple. This kind of murder... +...it's too damn risky. Then you shouldn't have done it. Can't have it both ways. +...Count it if you want. Nah, I trust ya. +Yeah, I know. Pour 'em short. Has Ray come in yet? +Has Ray come in yet? No, he's off tonight. Where was he last night? +No, he's off tonight. Where was he last night? How would I know? +How would I know? I don't know, didn't he call? +What's this? You said the usual-- +You said the usual-- Red Label. +Red Label. Right. Sorry. +Right. Sorry. Pour that back. +Pour that back. What. +What. Don't throw that out. +Don't throw that out. Right. +Deuce in the corner needs help. Right. +What's this? What. +What. This. +This. Jack Daniels. Don't worry, I'm paying for it. +Jack Daniels. Don't worry, I'm paying for it. That's not the point. +That's not the point. What's the point? +What's the point? The point is we don't serve niggers here. +The point is we don't serve niggers here. Where? ...I'm very careful about that. +...I thought you were dead. Going home? No. I think I'll stay right here in hell. +No. I think I'll stay right here in hell. Kind of a bleak point of view there, isn't it Marty? +Kind of a bleak point of view there, isn't it Marty? Meurice... +...I don't want that asshole near my money. I don't even want him in the bar. We get a lot of assholes in here, Marty. +Howdy stranger. Meurice. Sorry I didn't show last night. +Meurice. Sorry I didn't show last night. Wasn't too busy. You missed a good one, though. This white guy walks in about one o'clock, asks if we have a discount for alcoholics... I tell him to get lost, but Marty's sitting here listening and I can tell he's thinking that maybe it ain't such a bad idea... +Is Marty here? Not here tonight. Wasn't here last night. He's especially not back in his office. +Not here tonight. Wasn't here last night. He's especially not back in his office. Thanks Meurice. +Thanks Meurice. For what? +Got a problem, Meurice? No, you do, cowboy. You been to the bar? +...Why? You shouldn't have taken the money... +...and Abby. Maybe. But as far as I'm concerned that only leaves one fucking possibility. What's that? +Where was I? You we telling me about the Ring of Fire. +You we telling me about the Ring of Fire. Yeah, well, I may be getting in over my head here, I mean you're the geologist, but my theory for what it's worth, you got all these volcanoes and each time one pops it's the equivalent of what, twenty, thirty megatons of TNT? Enough to light Las Vegas for how long? How many years? Course, I'm no mathematician but-- +What day is it today, Angie? Tuesday. +Tuesday. Tuesday is ladies' night. +Tuesday is ladies' night. What? +What? Tuesday night is ladies' night. All your drinks are free. +I sent a trunk home yesterday. This is all I have. You look good, Jeffrey. Did you have a nice flight? +You look good, Jeffrey. Did you have a nice flight? Yeah. How's Dad? +I think it's important not to get depressed. Depression is a terrible thing. They say it can bring on illness. Aunt Barbara. I'll try not to get depressed. +Jeffrey. you're not going down by Lincoln, are you? No. I'm just going to walk around the neighborhood. Don't worry. +Doctor Gynde. my whole family's sick. What's going on? I'm not sick. +Will you tell Mom when she gets home from the hospital that I've gone to dinner at Sandy Williams' house? Okay honey. that sounds nice. Jeffrey. I think you've got termites in the house. +Okay honey. that sounds nice. Jeffrey. I think you've got termites in the house. Oh yeah?. Have you seen any? +Oh yeah?. Have you seen any? I've seen a few. +I've seen a few. Well, I haven't seen any. I wouldn't worry about it. Look. I better go. +Well, I haven't seen any. I wouldn't worry about it. Look. I better go. Okay honey. +I don't want to talk about it. Everything's okay now. I don't want to talk about it. Sometimes it helps to talk things over. for instance, many marriages are saved by. +Sometimes it helps to talk things over. for instance, many marriages are saved by. Aunt Barbara. I love you, but you're not gonna get it. +Frank. Come in. Hey, I brought some friends. and some beer. +Hey, I brought some friends. and some beer. Fine. Welcome. Come sit down. +Suave. goddam are you suave, you fucker. You want some beer? Certainly Frank. Darling, get some glasses. We'll have some beer with Frank. Won't you sit down? +Shit Ben! How the shit are ya? Fine Frank. Fine. How are you? +Fine Frank. Fine. How are you? Fuckin' good, real fuckin' good. You know this little tid bit, Dorothy, and this thing, here, is a neighbor. What the shit we're doin' with a neighbor, I don't know. goddam!!! This is the suavest guy I know. look at you. You're one beautiful fucker, Ben. I love this jacket and that cigarette holder of yours. shit, that is too fuckin' much. Where's those glasses. this beer's gonna get too warm. I can't stand fuckin' warm beer. it makes me puke. +Fuckin' good, real fuckin' good. You know this little tid bit, Dorothy, and this thing, here, is a neighbor. What the shit we're doin' with a neighbor, I don't know. goddam!!! This is the suavest guy I know. look at you. You're one beautiful fucker, Ben. I love this jacket and that cigarette holder of yours. shit, that is too fuckin' much. Where's those glasses. this beer's gonna get too warm. I can't stand fuckin' warm beer. it makes me puke. Darling, where are the glasses?. Oh. here they are. +To your health, Frank. Shit. let's drink to something else. let's drink to fuckin'. Say here's to your fuck Frank. +Shit. let's drink to something else. let's drink to fuckin'. Say here's to your fuck Frank. If you like Frank. Here's to your fuck. cheers. +Frank, I have something for you. Excuse us everyone. EXCUSE US por favor! Hey. let Tits see her kid. +See you Tuesday, Frank. Right Ben. LET'S GO FUCK. I'll fuck anything that moves. +Are you Detective Williams? Yes. +Yes. My name is Jeffrey Beaumont - I live near you. I believe you know my father, Tom Beaumont - Beaumont's Hardware Store? +My name is Jeffrey Beaumont - I live near you. I believe you know my father, Tom Beaumont - Beaumont's Hardware Store? Sure I do. I understand he's in the hospital. How is he? +Sure I do. I understand he's in the hospital. How is he? He's alright, I guess. I hope. They're doing tests, that's why I'm home from school. I was over at the hospital this morning and I was going home and in the field behind our neighborhood. there behind Vista, I found an ear. +He's alright, I guess. I hope. They're doing tests, that's why I'm home from school. I was over at the hospital this morning and I was going home and in the field behind our neighborhood. there behind Vista, I found an ear. You did? A human ear? +You did? A human ear? Yeah. I've got it here in this bag. I thought I should bring it to you. +Yeah. I've got it here in this bag. I thought I should bring it to you. Yep, that's right. Let's take a look at it. +By the way, Jeffrey, this story isn't going to the press and I'm going to ask you to consider all you've heard strictly confidential. Do not discuss this business with anyone, but me, or other police personnel. Got it? Got it. Thanks for letting me in on as much as you did. +Got it. Thanks for letting me in on as much as you did. Come on. I'll drive you home. It's on my way. +Come into the study a minute. Excuse me, Mrs. Williams. +Detective Williams here. yeah. Tell him to go to Sergeant Milton. yeah, copy. Well, Jeffrey, you found something which is very interesting to us. Very interesting. I know you must be curious to know more. But. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you not only not to tell anyone about your find, but also not to ask more about the case. One day. when it's all sewed up, I'll let you know all the details. Right now, though. I can't. I understand. I'm just real curious like you said. +I understand. I'm just real curious like you said. I was the same way when I was you age. I guess that's what got me into this business. +I was the same way when I was you age. I guess that's what got me into this business. It must be great. +It must be great. And it's horrible too. I'm sorry Jeffrey. That's the way it has to be. Anyway. I'm sure you do understand. +Jeffrey? Yes? +Yes? If you want to come up a minute, I'll show you some pictures. +These are beautiful. How's the case coming? Okay. +Okay. Anything you can tell me? +Anything you can tell me? The criminals are winning. +The criminals are winning. Is that why you say it's horrible? +Is that why you say it's horrible? Yes. +Yes. I guess you've seen some bad things. +I guess you've seen some bad things. Yes I have - so bad I wouldn't poison your mind by telling you. +Yes I have - so bad I wouldn't poison your mind by telling you. Why do you do it? +Why do you do it? I won't let the bastards get me up against the wall. It's an act of defiance. +I won't let the bastards get me up against the wall. It's an act of defiance. Yeah. I get it. +What is this? What color is it? Blue. It's Blue Velvet. +What color is it? It's blue. blue velvet. +Jeffrey! Come on in. Hi. Hi Sandy. I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got to talk to you. +Hi. Hi Sandy. I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got to talk to you. Okay. come on in. Looks like you had a bad face lift. +Okay. come on in. Looks like you had a bad face lift. Yeah. +Okay? Okay. I gotta tell you. I've. discovered some things. .Anyway I have to show you some pictures and tell you some things about them. The first picture is this. +And that man came out with a third man - this well-dressed guy. here's the photo. I think a girl named Dorothy Vallens is in trouble with these people. I think Frank has taken her husband and her son. I have no hard proof of any of this. Her address is also on the photos. I think these people are involved with drugs. and murder. I think Frank is killing drug dealers and. . and somehow Frank is getting all their drugs. I had to tell you I got slightly more involved in this than you wanted me to, but it's over now for sure. .I had to tell you about these things in case it could help. +I have no hard proof of any of this. Her address is also on the photos. I think these people are involved with drugs. and murder. I think Frank is killing drug dealers and. . and somehow Frank is getting all their drugs. I had to tell you I got slightly more involved in this than you wanted me to, but it's over now for sure. .I had to tell you about these things in case it could help. Well now Jeffrey, how did you come to get so involved? +Well now Jeffrey, how did you come to get so involved? I can't tell you the whole story. I. I took it upon myself. I can't say more. +I can't tell you the whole story. I. I took it upon myself. I can't say more. Is Sandy part of this? +Is Sandy part of this? No. not at all. +No. not at all. Who knows you have these? +Who knows you have these? Only you. and the photo lab. +Only you. and the photo lab. You're all through with this now? +For now. Alright. you better be. And Sandy better not be involved with this, I can tell you. Be prepared to come in for further interrogation on this later. Yes sir. +Detective Williams!! Detective Williams!! Detective Williams here. Is that you, Jeffrey? +Detective Williams here. Is that you, Jeffrey? Yes it's me!!! Frank is on his way up to Dorothy's apartment. Oh no. Frank has a radio and is hearing everything we say!! Detective Williams. hurry. I'm in the apartment. hurry. I'm hiding in the back bedroom. +Yes it's me!!! Frank is on his way up to Dorothy's apartment. Oh no. Frank has a radio and is hearing everything we say!! Detective Williams. hurry. I'm in the apartment. hurry. I'm hiding in the back bedroom. We're ten minutes away and moving as fast as we can. +Because of your information I alerted internal affairs to check out Detective Gordon. I had to keep on with him as if nothing was different. He slipped off on his own when he found out we were going to raid Frank's place. Does Dorothy know her husband is dead? +Does Dorothy know her husband is dead? Not yet. +Not yet. Oh my God. Is her son OK? +Hello, baby. Shut up. It's daddy. shithead. +Shut up. It's daddy. shithead. Hello, daddy. +Hello, daddy. . my bourbon. +. MOMMY!. . mommy's here. +. mommy's here. Baby wants to fuck. +Who's this fuck? He's a friend. from the neighborhood. we were just talking. +He's a friend. from the neighborhood. we were just talking. From the neighborhood? Shut the fuck up. You like telephones? Huh?. You wanta go for a ride? +Where are we going, Frank? Hey. Tits. I'm taking your neighbor to the country. maybe something for you too. +Hey. Tits. I'm taking your neighbor to the country. maybe something for you too. Frank? +Frank? You want to see him too, right? +You want to see him too, right? Yes, but. +Yes, but. Then, shut up! +Look at these. What are these? Come on, Frank. Let's go. Please. +Don't say PLEASE, Fuckhead. WHAT ARE THESE? Those are my breasts. +Those are my breasts. Can I feel 'em? +Can I feel 'em? If you want to. +Frank. he didn't mean it. Leave him alone. come on. He didn't mean it. Shut up. Gimme your lipstick. . Hey, pretty, pretty. +Frank gone? Yeah. but get outta here. He's comin' back. +Yeah. but get outta here. He's comin' back. Bull. +Bull. Alright, suit yourself. +Alright, suit yourself. He's comin' back?. What for? +He's comin' back?. What for? 'Cause he's comin' back, that's what for. Frank's got you really loaded tonight. +'Cause he's comin' back, that's what for. Frank's got you really loaded tonight. Yeah, maybe so. Frank's got me. and you. and really it's all thanks to Don. isn't it. remember that. Your husband was the one who started fucking my mind with drugs. +Yeah, maybe so. Frank's got me. and you. and really it's all thanks to Don. isn't it. remember that. Your husband was the one who started fucking my mind with drugs. Oh he forced you, huh? +Oh he forced you, huh? He's the reformed dealer though who wanted to turn himself in. he's the one that caused Frank to come and Frank's fucking us real good. I just feel so horny. I'm supposed to be here watching you why can't I be here fucking you. Listen. I know his cock's the size of a pin - let me give you the real thing. let me wet my whistle, baby. +He's the reformed dealer though who wanted to turn himself in. he's the one that caused Frank to come and Frank's fucking us real good. I just feel so horny. I'm supposed to be here watching you why can't I be here fucking you. Listen. I know his cock's the size of a pin - let me give you the real thing. let me wet my whistle, baby. No way. get out. I'm gonna tell Frank. I'm gonna tell him what you said. +No way. get out. I'm gonna tell Frank. I'm gonna tell him what you said. Okay, I'm goin'. You'll see. I'll get you. +Yes? What is it? Pest control. gotta do your apartment. +Pest control. gotta do your apartment. Oh God, that stuff stinks. +Oh God, that stuff stinks. Nope. it's new stuff. no smell. +Nope. it's new stuff. no smell. Oh yeah, that's good. +That oughta do it. Yeah. +GET OUT OF THERE!! GET OUT!! Put your hands up, on your head. GO ON!! Get down on your knees - DO IT!! What are you doing? Who are you? What's your name?. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? Jeffrey. +Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Jeffrey what? +Jeffrey. Jeffrey what? Jeffrey nothing. +Jeffrey nothing. You tell me!! Let me see that wallet. Jeffrey Beaumont. What're you doing in my apartment, Jeffrey Beaumont? +You tell me!! Let me see that wallet. Jeffrey Beaumont. What're you doing in my apartment, Jeffrey Beaumont? I wanted to see you. +I wanted to see you. What? Are you kidding me? Who sent you here? +What? Are you kidding me? Who sent you here? Nobody. +Nobody. Shit. You better tell me something. +Shit. You better tell me something. I was. an experiment. Just to see if I could do it. +I was. an experiment. Just to see if I could do it. An experiment? Hey, I've seen you before. +An experiment? Hey, I've seen you before. I sprayed your apartment. I took your key. I really didn't mean to do anything but see you. +I sprayed your apartment. I took your key. I really didn't mean to do anything but see you. Tell me what you saw tonight. TELL ME. +Tell me what you saw tonight. TELL ME. . I saw you come in, talk on the phone. get undressed. +. I saw you come in, talk on the phone. get undressed. The phone. What did you hear on the phone . Tell me. Word for word. +The phone. What did you hear on the phone . Tell me. Word for word. You said hello. to Frank. You wanted to talk to someone?. Don?. and little Donny. You said something about Momma loves you. and something about a Meadow Lane. something in an hour. I don't remember any more. +That's right. That's what I said. You have a good memory. Then what? Well. +Well. THEN WHAT? +THEN WHAT? Then you got undressed. +Then you got undressed. How many times have you sneaked into girls' apartments and watched them undress? +How many times have you sneaked into girls' apartments and watched them undress? Never before this. +Never before this. How'd you like it if someone sneaked into your house and watched you. Get undressed. I want to see you. +How'd you like it if someone sneaked into your house and watched you. Get undressed. I want to see you. No. Come on. +No. Come on. NO, you come on. Take off your pants. I want to see you. +NO, you come on. Take off your pants. I want to see you. Look. I'm sorry. Just let me leave. +Look. I'm sorry. Just let me leave. No way. +What do you want from me? I . I don't know. +I . I don't know. What do you want? +Do you like that? Yes. +Do you like talk like that? No. +No. Lie down on the bed. +Don't. I don't like that. What do you want? Nothing. Are you alright? +Nothing. Are you alright? Sure I'm alright. +Sure I'm alright. I'll go then. +Don? No. +No. Don. Hold me. I'm scared. Hold me. Please. +Thank you. honey. It's okay. It's okay. +Do you like the way I feel? Yes. +Yes. See my breasts? . See? +Yes. See my nipples? +See my nipples? Yes. +Yes. You can kiss them if you want. Fell them . They're getting hard. +You can hit me, if you want to. No. please. I won't. +Do you like me? Yes, I like you. +Yes, I like you. You can be my special friend and come and put that in me. +I made it go down the toilet. What? +Next Christmas. Is he Santa Claus who has left a present for Dorothy? What was it? An ear? Another ear?!! What was it? Do you know? +Do you know? No. +You don't? No. What is happening? +No. What is happening? Maybe you don't know. I know you though. You're Jeffrey Beaumont and I know where you live and I know ways to get you and I know ways to kill you. +Maybe you don't know. I know you though. You're Jeffrey Beaumont and I know where you live and I know ways to get you and I know ways to kill you. Please don't talk like that. You're upset. I'm not helping you. I'm sorry for what I did. I better go. +Please don't talk like that. You're upset. I'm not helping you. I'm sorry for what I did. I better go. Go then. I can't let you put it in me now but I want you. I like you. +Go then. I can't let you put it in me now but I want you. I like you. Then don't talk about killing. +Then don't talk about killing. Did I say that?. I didn't mean it. or did I? Sometimes I think it would be fun. Go ahead, you better leave now. I can't open myself to you now. I'll tell you a little secret. I want to die. +Did I say that?. I didn't mean it. or did I? Sometimes I think it would be fun. Go ahead, you better leave now. I can't open myself to you now. I'll tell you a little secret. I want to die. Don't say that. +Don't say that. It's a secret so don't tell anyone. Some day I'll show you where. I've gotta go to sleep now. +It's a secret so don't tell anyone. Some day I'll show you where. I've gotta go to sleep now. O.K. +Hi. can I come in? Yeah. hurry up though. +. I. uh. I looked for you in my closet tonight. It's crazy, I don't know where you came from but. I like you. +I looked for you in my closet tonight. It's crazy, I don't know where you came from but. I like you. That's not crazy. I like you too. +I liked being with you last night. . same here. +Oh shit. Frank? .can you stand up? +Frank? .can you stand up? I'm alright. go hide. This won't take long. Be quiet. +Nice guy. Who's he? Who's it, you mean. +Oh God. Don!!! Why can't I just die. There you go again. stop saying that. You can make it. +There you go again. stop saying that. You can make it. I can't. I can't. You think you know so much. +I can't. I can't. You think you know so much. Take it easy. What's goin' on anyway?. Why are you in so much trouble? +Look. No. +No. Falling. +Falling. No. Please, Dorothy. Why are you in so much trouble? +Who is Don? Don?. Are you in with them? +Don?. Are you in with them? No. But you're in very big trouble. +No. But you're in very big trouble. Why are you so interested? Why do you keep asking me? +I came back to help you. You said do I let girls sneak into my house. You know where I live. if you need to. come to where I live. O.K.? Who are you? Maybe I'll need to. you like me, huh? +Who are you? Maybe I'll need to. you like me, huh? Yes. +Yes. . or do you just want me? I'm going to let you enter me now. +. or do you just want me? I'm going to let you enter me now. No. I should go. +No. I should go. Please. please stay. +Come in. Hello. +It used to make me laugh .but. I'm sorry .maybe I better go Dorothy. +I'm sorry .maybe I better go Dorothy. Yes. Frank- +Yes. Frank- Frank is coming? +Frank is coming? No. how could he?. Don't go. You think I'm crazy, don't you? I want you to stay. . don't hate me. +No. how could he?. Don't go. You think I'm crazy, don't you? I want you to stay. . don't hate me. I sure don't hate you. +I sure don't hate you. I'm not crazy. I know the difference between right and wrong. +I'm not crazy. I know the difference between right and wrong. That's good. +Do you like my body? Sure I do. +What do you want to do? I'm doing it. +I'm doing it. Are you a bad boy? +Are you a bad boy? Whatiya mean? +Whatiya mean? Do you want to do bad things? Anything. anything. +Do you want to do bad things? Anything. anything. What do you want? +What do you want? I want you to hurt me. +I want you to hurt me. No. I told you. I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you. I think I know some of what is happening to you. . Dorothy? Frank has your husband and son. Dorothy? Doesn't he? You have to do something Dorothy. go to the police. +You like to open me. don't you? Yes. +Yes. What if I told Frank that you opened me? +That wouldn't be too good, would it? Frank would open you. +Frank would open you. Okay. I know you've been scared. now you want to scare someone. +Okay. I know you've been scared. now you want to scare someone. Does that scare you? +Does that scare you? Shut up. +Shut up. Beeeee careful. +Beeeee careful. Come on Dorothy. +Come on Dorothy. What if Frank came over here and found us? +Look, snap out of it, will ya? Kiss me. +Do you love me? Do you love me? +Do you love me? I asked first. +I asked first. Sometimes I think I do. +Sometimes I think I do. And sometimes you think you don't?! Well, get away then! +Wait a minute. Wait. Whatiya want? For cryin' out loud! Just get outta my bed. +I love you Don with all my heart. No. it's not Don. +I didn't mean to hurt you. Shhhhhh. Now I have your disease. +Shhhhhh. Now I have your disease. You. what? +You. what? You put your disease in me. your semen. it's hot and full of disease. +You put your disease in me. your semen. it's hot and full of disease. There's no disease, I can tell you. +There's no disease, I can tell you. Men are crazy. then they put their craziness into me. then it makes me crazy. then they aren't so crazy for awhile. then they put their craziness in me again. . it's burning me. but I love you. I do, I do. Did you know that? Did you know that I love you? +Men are crazy. then they put their craziness into me. then it makes me crazy. then they aren't so crazy for awhile. then they put their craziness in me again. . it's burning me. but I love you. I do, I do. Did you know that? Did you know that I love you? I'm glad you do. +I'm glad you do. There's so much I want to tell you. I'm in so much darkness though with things moving. there is darkness sucking me. It's kissing me and darkness is entering me. in every hole. It's opening me to a death. +There's so much I want to tell you. I'm in so much darkness though with things moving. there is darkness sucking me. It's kissing me and darkness is entering me. in every hole. It's opening me to a death. Dorothy. no! +Dorothy. no! If I die, then they'll be free. It's getting late, isn't it? I can tell. it's a cold feeling when it's late. It's warm then it gets cold. Jeffrey. I feel it getting cold. +If I die, then they'll be free. It's getting late, isn't it? I can tell. it's a cold feeling when it's late. It's warm then it gets cold. Jeffrey. I feel it getting cold. You called me Jeffrey. +You called me Jeffrey. I did. are you? +I did. are you? Yes. +Yes. Why are you here? Hmmmmmmmm!!!! Ok. +Why are you here? Hmmmmmmmm!!!! Ok. No. not really. but also because I really want you to be alright. +I guess I should go. I want you to stay with me. +I want you to stay with me. I think I better go. +I'll call you. Okay. soon? Do you think I'm too fat? +Okay. soon? Do you think I'm too fat? What? +What? I'm getting a little bit fat. I hate that. +I'm getting a little bit fat. I hate that. You look beautiful to me. +Oh no. No. Hi baby. +Yeah, it's me. Oh God, Jeffrey. is that you? Oh God. +Where have you been? Oh God. they hurt him, Jeffrey. Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, hold me. HOLD ME. Oh God. It's okay. it's okay. +It's okay. it's okay. My secret lover. +Shh. I'll tell you. They hurt his head. +They hurt his head. Who, Dorothy? +Who, Dorothy? Don. help him. HELP HIM!! DONNY!!!! +Hold me, Don. Don?. Where is he? +Don?. Where is he? HELP HIM!! Promise me you'll help him! +HELP HIM!! Promise me you'll help him! I promise, Dorothy. I promise. +I promise, Dorothy. I promise. Hold me. I'M FALLING! +We're looking for him. In your opinion, why did Frank kidnap Dorothy's son and husband? He became obsessed with her. She hated him. He had to have her. He kidnapped them to control her. to make her do things. Then she wanted to commit suicide so he started cutting off ears as a warning to her to stay alive. I'm not kidding. Frank loved blue. blue velvet. He had to have Dorothy cause her whole life was blue. +He became obsessed with her. She hated him. He had to have her. He kidnapped them to control her. to make her do things. Then she wanted to commit suicide so he started cutting off ears as a warning to her to stay alive. I'm not kidding. Frank loved blue. blue velvet. He had to have Dorothy cause her whole life was blue. You seemed to see some very interesting things on your little escapade with Dorothy Vallens. +You seemed to see some very interesting things on your little escapade with Dorothy Vallens. Yeah. I guess I did. What's going to happen to me? +Yeah. I guess I did. What's going to happen to me? We're going to leave that up to Detective Williams. I'll tell you though. you're okay. you shot a real son of a bitch. +We're going to leave that up to Detective Williams. I'll tell you though. you're okay. you shot a real son of a bitch. Yeah. I sure know that. Yeah, but how many more are out there? +No thanks. No thanks. what does that mean? +No thanks. what does that mean? I don't want to go. +I don't want to go. Go where? +Go where? On a ride. +On a ride. A ride?. Hell, that's a good idea. okay, let's go. Hey, let's go. +Heineken. FUCK THAT SHIT. PABST BLUE RIBBON!!! +Hey neighbor. Here's to Ben. Here's to Ben. +Here's to Ben. Do you see, Ben?. I can make him do anything I fuckin' please. +Hey? . You like to walk. What? +What? Let's take our neighbor out. Let him fuckin' walk back. +What are you lookin' at? Nothing. +Nothing. Don't look at me, Fuck. I shoot when I see the whites of the eyes. You like me?. +Don't be a good neighbor to her or I'm gonna send you a love letter. straight from my heart, fucker. You know what a love letter is? It's a bullet. straight from my gun, fucker. Once you get a love letter from me, you're fucked forever. Understand, Fuck? Yes. +Yes. I'll send you straight to hell, Fuck! +Come on. I wancha to meet a frienda mine. Raymond, get enough beer for Ben too. Okay Frank. +Okay Frank. What kinda beer do you like? +Raymond! Where's the fuckin' beer? Right here Frank. You want me to pour it? +Right here Frank. You want me to pour it? No, I want ya to fuck it. Shit, yes. pour the fuckin' beer. +No, I want ya to fuck it. Shit, yes. pour the fuckin' beer. There ya go. +There ya go. Good, let's drink up. +Yeah, how did you know? I just know, that's all. I remember you from Central. +Oh yeah? You were pretty popular. Didn't you run for some office? +You were pretty popular. Didn't you run for some office? Yeah I did. treasurer. Shouldn't you be studying or something. +Yeah I did. treasurer. Shouldn't you be studying or something. Am I bothering you? +Am I bothering you? No. You're not bothering me. You a senior? +No. You're not bothering me. You a senior? Yes. +Yes. How is Central these days? +How is Central these days? Terrible. boring. +Terrible. boring. What else is new?. right? +What else is new?. right? Yeah. What are you doing now? +Yeah. What are you doing now? I'm home from school. My father's in the hospital. +I'm home from school. My father's in the hospital. That's too bad. +That's too bad. What do you know about the ear?. anything? +What do you know about the ear?. anything? Didn't my father tell you not to talk about it? +Didn't my father tell you not to talk about it? Come on. you brought it up. Do you know anything? +Come on. you brought it up. Do you know anything? I don't really know much but bits and pieces . I hear things. My room is right above my father's office. The ear. there's no corpse in the morgue missing an ear, and it did come off a living person. That's direct from the Coroner's Office. The person is unknown. There are a couple of cases I get mixed up on, but I think there are some people who were brought in for questioning on a murder case that could have something to do with the ear. I heard some of the same names. +I don't really know much but bits and pieces . I hear things. My room is right above my father's office. The ear. there's no corpse in the morgue missing an ear, and it did come off a living person. That's direct from the Coroner's Office. The person is unknown. There are a couple of cases I get mixed up on, but I think there are some people who were brought in for questioning on a murder case that could have something to do with the ear. I heard some of the same names. Do you know who was brought in for questioning? +Do you know who was brought in for questioning? There were at least three, maybe four. But a name that keeps coming up is this woman who lives in an apartment building very close to your house and also close to the field where you found the ear. There's also a business man over by the Franklin factory district that was questioned. and a musician. and some others. +There were at least three, maybe four. But a name that keeps coming up is this woman who lives in an apartment building very close to your house and also close to the field where you found the ear. There's also a business man over by the Franklin factory district that was questioned. and a musician. and some others. Were all these people questioned this afternoon? +Were all these people questioned this afternoon? No. this has been going on for some time . several months. About six months ago some parts of bodies were found down by the river. They were from people who were reported missing. They never found one complete body. only parts. +No. this has been going on for some time . several months. About six months ago some parts of bodies were found down by the river. They were from people who were reported missing. They never found one complete body. only parts. The ear is from a missing person maybe? +The ear is from a missing person maybe? Maybe so. +Maybe so. It's a strange world isn't it? Do you know what building the woman lives in? +It's a strange world isn't it? Do you know what building the woman lives in? Yeah. It's close by. that's what's creepy. They've had her under surveillance for a couple of months, except I don't know what they've found out because my father isn't in charge of her. +Yeah. It's close by. that's what's creepy. They've had her under surveillance for a couple of months, except I don't know what they've found out because my father isn't in charge of her. I guess you have to get back home soon? +I guess you have to get back home soon? Not really, why? You want to see the building?. Come on, I'll show you. +That's the building. She lives on the Seventh Floor. Don't stop to look long . the police are watching. Where are they? +Where are they? I don't know. you're not supposed to see them. They're supposed to see you. +Did they find out anything when they questioned her? I don't know. like I said, she's not my father's case. +I don't know. like I said, she's not my father's case. Oh yeah. What about those other people? . Anything? +Oh yeah. What about those other people? . Anything? My father is watching the businessman. The businessman had a partner who disappeared. left his whole business and family, his wife and two kids. They think he's been murdered. +My father is watching the businessman. The businessman had a partner who disappeared. left his whole business and family, his wife and two kids. They think he's been murdered. You really do hear a lot, don't you? +You really do hear a lot, don't you? Yeah, I guess so. What are you going to do now that you're home? +Yeah, I guess so. What are you going to do now that you're home? I have to help out in my father's hardware store. they're giving me sort of my own hours for a while. which is nice. +I have to help out in my father's hardware store. they're giving me sort of my own hours for a while. which is nice. Still, it must be kinda rough. +Still, it must be kinda rough. It's not bad. but it's bad enough. it's a lot worse for my father. I used to know a kid who lived there and who had the biggest tongue in the world. +What happened to him? I don't know. he moved away. +I've gotta go in. Thanks for the tour. It was nice talking to you. +I guess so. Like you said. It's a strange world. Yeah. Good bye. +You hungry or thirsty, or both? I don't know. +I don't know. I'd like to talk to you about something. +I'd like to talk to you about something. Just a minute. pull over and wait a minute. +I don't want to cause any trouble. I'm here, aren't I? +I'm here, aren't I? I guess Mike's got some sort of sports practice in the afternoon. +I guess Mike's got some sort of sports practice in the afternoon. Ooooo, you are smart. Just don't get too smart. +Alright, now tell me. What is it? There are opportunities in life for gaining knowledge and experience. sometimes, in some cases. it's necessary to take a risk. I got to thinking. I'll bet a person could learn a lot by getting into that woman's apartment. you know. sneak in and hide and observe. +There are opportunities in life for gaining knowledge and experience. sometimes, in some cases. it's necessary to take a risk. I got to thinking. I'll bet a person could learn a lot by getting into that woman's apartment. you know. sneak in and hide and observe. You said it was a strange world. and you're the strangest part of it. Are you crazy.she is possibly involved in murder. This gives me the creeps. +You said it was a strange world. and you're the strangest part of it. Are you crazy.she is possibly involved in murder. This gives me the creeps. Settle down. I have a plan which I think will work. There is very little for you to do, but I do need your help. .Aren't you curious about my plan? +Settle down. I have a plan which I think will work. There is very little for you to do, but I do need your help. .Aren't you curious about my plan? It wouldn't hurt to hear the plan, I guess. +It wouldn't hurt to hear the plan, I guess. Alright. the first thing is to get into her apartment and open a window that I could crawl into later. +Alright. the first thing is to get into her apartment and open a window that I could crawl into later. Now, how are you going to do that? +Now, how are you going to do that? Right out in the car I happen to have some old overalls and a bug spraying rig. I will go to her apartment and be the pest control man. I will spray her apartment. After a few minutes you will knock on her door, drawing her attention away from me and I will then jimmy a window. +Right out in the car I happen to have some old overalls and a bug spraying rig. I will go to her apartment and be the pest control man. I will spray her apartment. After a few minutes you will knock on her door, drawing her attention away from me and I will then jimmy a window. What will I say when she comes to the door? +What will I say when she comes to the door? "You will be a Jehovah's Witness. I have a few ""Awake"" magazines for you. You don't have to keep her very long. a few seconds is all I'll need. Whatiya think?" +"You will be a Jehovah's Witness. I have a few ""Awake"" magazines for you. You don't have to keep her very long. a few seconds is all I'll need. Whatiya think?" I don't know. it sounds like a good daydream, . but actually doing it is too weird. too dangerous. +I don't know. it sounds like a good daydream, . but actually doing it is too weird. too dangerous. Let's just try the first part. If that goes well, we'll see about the rest. No one will suspect us, because no one would believe two people like us would be crazy enough to do something like this. +Let's just try the first part. If that goes well, we'll see about the rest. No one will suspect us, because no one would believe two people like us would be crazy enough to do something like this. You've got a point there. +Now. we'll walk over so there's no license plates and you give me at least three minutes. I can stall if it's more, but I need time to find a good window .alright? Alright. +Alright. Let's go. +Okay, I'm going ahead. Wait a minute, what's her name? Oh bother. Dorothy Vallens, Seventh Floor. Look on the mailbox for her number, bright boy. +Oh bother. Dorothy Vallens, Seventh Floor. Look on the mailbox for her number, bright boy. Thanks. Dorothy Vallens. Okay. good luck . three minutes, no sooner. +Thanks. Dorothy Vallens. Okay. good luck . three minutes, no sooner. Alright. Good luck, yourself. +Are you alright? Yeah. let's get outta here. What happened? +I was just about to go to the door, when that man did my job for me. Was it alright? Yes and no. Did you recognize him? +Yes and no. Did you recognize him? No. I only saw his back. He went down another stairwell at the end of the hall. +No. I only saw his back. He went down another stairwell at the end of the hall. I didn't get a good look at him either, but he sure looked at me. I didn't have time to get a window, but I found this key. Pretty nifty, huh? +I didn't get a good look at him either, but he sure looked at me. I didn't have time to get a window, but I found this key. Pretty nifty, huh? Yeah, if it opens the door. +Yeah, if it opens the door. Yeah. +So. what's next? Pretty clever. Are you game for more? +Pretty clever. Are you game for more? I owe you. since I goofed up this one. +I owe you. since I goofed up this one. You didn't goof it up, but. you still owe me one. I want to sneak in tonight. It's Friday. do you have a date tonight? +You didn't goof it up, but. you still owe me one. I want to sneak in tonight. It's Friday. do you have a date tonight? Yes. I do. +Yes. I do. Well, it's Friday night and you're a beautiful girl. I guess you would have a date. that does that. +You really want to do this, don't you? I don't want you to get involved, really, I mean, I do, but if something went wrong I mean, like you said, they may be involved in murder. +I'll tell Mike I'm sick. There's a game tonight anyway and he'll never miss me. Afterwards he can go out with the guys. Just so the record is kept straight though, I love Mike. What do want me to do? First of all, we'll have a nice dinner. Try to find out where Dorothy sings. +First of all, we'll have a nice dinner. Try to find out where Dorothy sings. "I already know. The ""Slow Club."" It's on Route 7." +"I already know. The ""Slow Club."" It's on Route 7." Great. I'll pick you up around eight o'clock. Is that good? +Great. I'll pick you up around eight o'clock. Is that good? Yeah, but don't pick me up. my father may think it's strange. I'll walk over to your house. I'll be there at eight o'clock. +Yeah, but don't pick me up. my father may think it's strange. I'll walk over to your house. I'll be there at eight o'clock. Okay. You better get out before someone sees us. +What's the plan. First of all, we're going to the Slow Club to see Dorothy Vallens. We'll watch her for awhile. I'd like to hear her sing anyway, and then also we'll know she is there and not in her apartment. +First of all, we're going to the Slow Club to see Dorothy Vallens. We'll watch her for awhile. I'd like to hear her sing anyway, and then also we'll know she is there and not in her apartment. Brilliant. +Brilliant. Then we'll drive back to her apartment and I will plant myself there. +Then we'll drive back to her apartment and I will plant myself there. This is not my usual Friday night! +I'd like an ice-cold Heineken. That sounds good. +That sounds good. Two. +Here's to. an interesting experience. I'll drink to that. +Jeffrey, I don't think you ought to do it. Why not? +Why not? It's crazy and dangerous. My God. I shouldn't have told you. +It's crazy and dangerous. My God. I shouldn't have told you. It'll be okay. I don't think you should wait out here though. I think you should go home. Can you drive this car? +It'll be okay. I don't think you should wait out here though. I think you should go home. Can you drive this car? Yeah. but. +Yeah. but. Leave it in the front of your house for me. okay? +Leave it in the front of your house for me. okay? O.K. +O.K. Could you wait a little while. this key may not fit. +Could you wait a little while. this key may not fit. . I wish you wouldn't do this. It doesn't make any sense. Let's go somewhere and have some coffee. +. I wish you wouldn't do this. It doesn't make any sense. Let's go somewhere and have some coffee. I'm going in, Sandy. I'll see you tomorrow and tell you how it went. +I'm going in, Sandy. I'll see you tomorrow and tell you how it went. I. I don't want to see you tomorrow. Mike's coming over. +I. I don't want to see you tomorrow. Mike's coming over. Oh, okay. can I call? +Oh, okay. can I call? Okay. yeah, call. +Okay. yeah, call. Look. it can wait till Sunday. +Look. it can wait till Sunday. Call tomorrow. It's okay. Good luck. I hope you can sneak out okay. You're going to wait until she's asleep? +Call tomorrow. It's okay. Good luck. I hope you can sneak out okay. You're going to wait until she's asleep? Yeah. +Yeah. I'm going to wait here until she comes. +I'm going to wait here until she comes. Are you sure? +Are you sure? I'll honk four times so you'll hear it and know she's on her way up. Okay? +Okay. thanks. I don't know if you're a detective or a pervert. +I don't know if you're a detective or a pervert. That's for me to know and for you to find out. I'll see you. I mean call you. okay? +That's for me to know and for you to find out. I'll see you. I mean call you. okay? Okay, okay. Bye. +Well, how did it go?. What happened? Well. I've found out some things. nothing really for certain. There are some strange people involved. +Well. I've found out some things. nothing really for certain. There are some strange people involved. What did you see? +What did you see? Well. Maybe we should discuss this somewhere else. you know what I mean? +What's with Mike? He got a little jealous. +He got a little jealous. I'm sorry, I didn't. +I'm sorry, I didn't. It's okay. Don't worry about it. +You want a Dairy Queen? No way. I'm about to blow up. +You want to tell me about it? ". OK. It's a strange world, Sandy. this is what I have found out. What I think I have found out. Dorothy Vallens is married to a man named Don. they have a son. I think the son and the husband have been kidnapped by a man named Frank who has now cut off both of Don's ears. I think he is holding them to make her do things for him. I think she wants to die. the ears were for her a warning to stay alive. there is another man involved. I call him the ""yellow man"". you saw his back the other day in the hall at her door. I don't know what he does but I think he's on drugs supplied by Frank. Frank is a very dangerous man." +". OK. It's a strange world, Sandy. this is what I have found out. What I think I have found out. Dorothy Vallens is married to a man named Don. they have a son. I think the son and the husband have been kidnapped by a man named Frank who has now cut off both of Don's ears. I think he is holding them to make her do things for him. I think she wants to die. the ears were for her a warning to stay alive. there is another man involved. I call him the ""yellow man"". you saw his back the other day in the hall at her door. I don't know what he does but I think he's on drugs supplied by Frank. Frank is a very dangerous man." Wow. Should you tell my father? +Wow. Should you tell my father? I don't see how I can. and I can't prove any of this. I got all this information illegally. also it could get you in trouble. +I don't see how I can. and I can't prove any of this. I got all this information illegally. also it could get you in trouble. You saw a lot in one night. +You saw a lot in one night. . Actually. I've been in twice. +. Actually. I've been in twice. Twice. without her sensing anything? +Twice. without her sensing anything? Yes. +Yes. Did you see her undressed? +Did you see her undressed? Yeah. I mean. a little, . you know. +Yeah. I mean. a little, . you know. Yeah? +Yeah? That doesn't bother you, does it? +That doesn't bother you, does it? Who, me? Why should it? +Who, me? Why should it? That's what I thought. +That's what I thought. You're sure right. It is a strange world. +You're sure right. It is a strange world. Why are there people like Frank. Why is there so much trouble in this world.? +I don't know. I had a dream. in fact. the night I met you. . in the dream the world was dark because there weren't any robins. you know, birds. robins stood for love. and all of a sudden thousands of robins flew down and brought this blinding light of love. and it felt like that love would be the only thing that would make any difference. I guess. until the robins come there is trouble. Yeah I guess so. You're a neat girl. +Yeah I guess so. You're a neat girl. So are you. I mean you're a neat guy. We better get back. +So are you. I mean you're a neat guy. We better get back. I guess so. you want to help me watch Frank?. I'm going to stake out Frank's place tomorrow. with a camera. +No, silly - I'm still in school you know. but I'll meet you after school and you can tell me what you've learned. You better be careful, Jeffrey. I will. I'll pick you up on the same corner at three thirty-five, okay? +Okay. be careful. Okay, Sandy. +Can I give you a kiss good night? You better not, Jeffrey. +You better not, Jeffrey. Okay. okay. +Okay. okay. Goodnight. +Goodnight. See ya tomorrow. +You were late. I'm really sorry. +I'm really sorry. What am I going to do? +What am I going to do? You want to go talk to him? +You want to go talk to him? Yeah, but. I don't think it's going to do much good. Let's go. I'll try to talk to him later. +You know, that cheese is practically all chemicals. That's what makes it so good. You wanta hear what I saw today? +That's what makes it so good. You wanta hear what I saw today? Shoot. +Shoot. Number one. I saw the Yellow Man go into Frank's building, laughing with Frank. Now. the only trouble is. what does this prove? +Number one. I saw the Yellow Man go into Frank's building, laughing with Frank. Now. the only trouble is. what does this prove? Nothing really, but it's interesting. they know each other. they seem to like each other. +Maybe. But I think the Yellow Man is on drugs. I think Frank supplies him. Oh yeah? +Oh yeah? Number two. I saw the Yellow Man come out. This time with a well-dressed man with an alligator briefcase. They drove down this factory building and stood on a staircase looking at something in the distance. Number three. now get this. In the distance was a murder. a drug dealer shot to death and a woman with her legs broken. +Number two. I saw the Yellow Man come out. This time with a well-dressed man with an alligator briefcase. They drove down this factory building and stood on a staircase looking at something in the distance. Number three. now get this. In the distance was a murder. a drug dealer shot to death and a woman with her legs broken. Jeffrey!! +Jeffrey!! Then these guys told me the police will find a huge amount of drugs inside the dead man's place. +Then these guys told me the police will find a huge amount of drugs inside the dead man's place. I can't believe what you are finding out. Are you going to continue with this. Are you going back to her apartment? +I can't believe what you are finding out. Are you going to continue with this. Are you going back to her apartment? Yeah. +Yeah. Jeffrey?. Why? +Jeffrey?. Why? I'm seeing something that was always hidden. I'm involved in a mystery. I'm learning. and it's all secret. +I'm seeing something that was always hidden. I'm involved in a mystery. I'm learning. and it's all secret. You like mysteries that much? +You like mysteries that much? Yeah. you're a mystery. I like you. very much. +You worry about me really? Yes. is that so surprising?. Yeah I worry. a lot. I got you into this. +Great. Hey. I've got a bit of a problem. I know some things. that could help your father but you might get into trouble. Jeffrey. are they important things? Well forget me - you have to tell him. Jeffrey. I mean it. +Everything okay? Yeah. I think so. I just had to tell him some of what I knew. Is Friday still on? +Yeah. I think so. I just had to tell him some of what I knew. Is Friday still on? You didn't tell him about me? +You didn't tell him about me? No. +I should never had gotten you going on this. Yes Jeffrey. Friday's on! Okay. great! +Okay. What is it? +What is it? Just some fatherly advice. +What was that all about? Nothing. really! It's good to see you. +Nothing. really! It's good to see you. It's good to see you. +It's good to see you. Where to? +Where to? Just go over to Gelford and up to Vista. It's not far. Can you tell me any more about what you learned? +Just go over to Gelford and up to Vista. It's not far. Can you tell me any more about what you learned? I'd rather not talk about it. I'll tell you about it sometime. +I'd rather not talk about it. I'll tell you about it sometime. It's okay. +It's okay. ... You look beautiful. +... You look beautiful. Thank you. Whatiya say we just enjoy the evening? +Thank you. Whatiya say we just enjoy the evening? I like that idea. that's a real good idea. +You want to dance? I can't dance fast. +I can't dance fast. Really? +Really? Really. you want to dance with someone else? +Really. you want to dance with someone else? NO. +NO. Let's wait for some slow one. +Let's wait for some slow one. Just a minute. +You want to dance? Okay. +Oh my God. What's wrong? Frank!! +My father has a gun at home. No. +No. Sandy. this guy is a killer!! I promise you. +Dorothy! ... Dorothy! Dorothy Vallens? +Dorothy Vallens? Yes. +Take her to my house. My dad can get an ambulance faster than anyone. Do you have anything to put around her? No. Is Detective Gordon going to be at your house? +No. Is Detective Gordon going to be at your house? Probably not. no. Why? +Probably not. no. Why? OK. Let's get her over to your father's. +OK. Let's get her over to your father's. Right. Watch out for Mike, there. +I should go with her, Sandy. Go ahead. +Go ahead. ... Sandy?. +... Sandy?. Go ahead! +Please get to your father and send him and the police to Dorothy's apartment right away. Be sure your father comes. Something is happening over there. They're hurting someone. the guy she loves. Tell them to hurry. I'm going over right now. No Jeffrey!! +No Jeffrey!! Yes I'm going. I have to. I love you. I will, believe me. +Look Jeffrey. Yeah. I just saw him outside. Maybe the robins are here. +Hi Dad. Hey Jeff. +Looks like they've got you strapped in pretty good. uh uh. +uh uh. Are you feeling okay? +Are you feeling okay? uh uh. +Good to see you, son. It's good to see you, Dad. +How ya doin' Dad? Hey Jeff. I'm feelin' so much better. +Hey Jeff. I'm feelin' so much better. Good deal Dad. +I mean, for good, Jeffrey. For good?. I can't. Mom. Not right in the middle of the term. +For good?. I can't. Mom. Not right in the middle of the term. Jeffrey. honey. Your father's condition is serious. It's going to cost so much. We just won't have the money to keep you in school. I'm telling you this now, so that you can get your things together and check out of school, honey, or whatever you have to do. it'll save you another trip back. You're going to have to work at the store. +Where's all your things, Jeffrey? This is it. +Jeffrey, breakfast is ready. Be right down. +What time are visiting hours? I've made arrangements with Dr. Gynde for 10:30. But Jeffrey, you'll have to walk over; I need the car this morning. +I've made arrangements with Dr. Gynde for 10:30. But Jeffrey, you'll have to walk over; I need the car this morning. Well. Okay. +Well. Okay. Jeffrey, when you see your father. +Jeffrey, when you see your father. Yeah? +Yeah? He doesn't know you're out of school. He thinks it's a vacation for you. +He doesn't know you're out of school. He thinks it's a vacation for you. What? +What? It would be too much for him. So please let him think as he does, that you're home just to see him. +It would be too much for him. So please let him think as he does, that you're home just to see him. Thanks a lot, Mom. +Thanks a lot, Mom. .Jeffrey!. Nobody wanted you to leave school and go to work in the store. maybe going back to school will be an option one day. I hope so. +I'm going out for awhile. Do you want the car? +Do you want the car? No, I'm just gonna walk around. +No, I'm just gonna walk around. Alright. +Can I use the car tonight? Of course, Jeffrey. +God. you scared me. Is something wrong? What's happened to your face? +Is something wrong? What's happened to your face? Nothing. I'm fine. +Nothing. I'm fine. You can't just stay out half the night and carry on, Jeffrey. There's got to be some order, Jeffrey. I thought it would have been nice to call your father when you got home but now it is much too late. +No. Looks like you'd make a good runner. +Looks like you'd make a good runner. Well. +Well. I mean, you don't exactly have the build for a football. I mean. no offense. +No. you're right. I mean. some guys play anyway but they usually get slaughtered. +I mean. some guys play anyway but they usually get slaughtered. Yeah, well I never wanted to get slaughtered much. +Yeah, well I never wanted to get slaughtered much. Well, most guys don't. I mean that's the point. You all mind if I take my vitamins? +Hey, you ivy league shit. COME HERE! Later Mike. I gotta take care of someone who's hurt here, in case you haven't noticed. +Hello. uh. my name is Jeffrey Beaumont. Is Detective Williams in? Oh, yes, Jeffrey. Come in. He'll be back any minute now. You're welcome to wait. Is it urgent? +I just wanted to ask him a few questions, that's all. Maybe I better go. Really, he'll be home soon, would you like a cup of coffee? +Really, he'll be home soon, would you like a cup of coffee? Alright. +I was sorry to hear about your father. I know your mother from church. It's such a shame. Yeah, I know. +Yeah, I know. Would you like a piece of cake? +Would you like a piece of cake? No. No thank you. +No. No thank you. It's a real good chocolate cake. Duncan Hines' devil's food. real good. +It's a real good chocolate cake. Duncan Hines' devil's food. real good. Yeah. okay. +He comes over to study. Yeah. +Mrs. Williams? Thanks for the cake. Oh, you're welcome. Nice to finally meet you, Jeffrey. +Oh, you're welcome. Nice to finally meet you, Jeffrey. "Say ""goodnight"" to Sandy." +Here you are. Would anyone like coffee? That sounds great! +That sounds great! Anyone else?. Alright Jeffrey, just a minute. +Please excuse me a moment, Jeffrey, and I'll get to the dishes. Sure thing. please don't worry about me. Can I help you with the dishes? +Sure thing. please don't worry about me. Can I help you with the dishes? Nice of you to offer, Jeffrey, but certainly not. just relax and enjoy your coffee. I'm sure Sandy will be back soon. +Sandy? ...Sandy, please. I'll get a coat for her. +Mike's gotta go. Nice to meet you. Yeah, nice meetin' yuh. +What are watchin' this junk for? You can change it if you want to. +You can change it if you want to. I don't know why we have to watch T.V. +I don't know why we have to watch T.V. Mike. We don't have to watch it. Come on. +Sandy?. Could I talk to you a minute? Sure. just a sec. Excuse me. +Come on out a minute, okay? Okay. +Hey come here, you stole my girl, you bastard. I'm gonna kick your ass, right in front of your stupid house. ... Stop it Mike. +QUIET! Callate! Where's Diego? I don't know. He sent me. I'm George. +I don't know. He sent me. I'm George. Oh, I see. George. Well, that explains everything. Open your mouth, George. +I've been holding this shit for him for three weeks. You tell Diego I don't appreciate it. You tell him I want my money by Friday. Can you do that? Um-hmm. +Greetings, Mr. George. Where do you guys want to count? +Where do you guys want to count? On the plane. +On the plane. What plane? We going someplace? Where we headed? You have your money. It's all there. What the fuck is going on? +Pleased to meet you finally, George. I am Augusto Oliveras. My pleasure, Augusto. Diego has told me much about you. +Norman Cay is not a person. He is an island, George. In the Bahamas. From what they say, it is free and it's Diego's new home. What? +Let us walk. From what I understand, Diego has bought a hundred and sixty acres, a marina, a hotel, and an airstrip. Motherfucker works fast. +Motherfucker works fast. The word is that soon he is to be king of the middle empire. He is doing multiple runs right now and using the island as a jump-off point. +The word is that soon he is to be king of the middle empire. He is doing multiple runs right now and using the island as a jump-off point. He what? +He what? Yes. Jack Stevens is already a very busy man. Along with many others. You shouldn't stay away so long. +Yes. Jack Stevens is already a very busy man. Along with many others. You shouldn't stay away so long. That's impossible. We can't be up and running. Who's distributing? +No honey, I'm alright. A toast! To Mister George Jung. Mr. I 95, north and south. My brother-in-law. Happy birthday! +Three-hundred kilos is a very big load, Georgie. Why don't we start small? No. I have the space. I figured it out. This is what I want to do. +No. I have the space. I figured it out. This is what I want to do. Alright. I'll ask Pablo, tell him it's for you. I don't think there will be a problem. +Alright. I'll ask Pablo, tell him it's for you. I don't think there will be a problem. Five-thousand per kilo. +Five-thousand per kilo. Ha ha. That's too much, Georgie. Those days are over. The rate is one-thousand dollars. Inflation, you know? +Ha ha. That's too much, Georgie. Those days are over. The rate is one-thousand dollars. Inflation, you know? This is a one time thing, Gusto. One and I'm out. Give me a good price for old time's sake. What do you think? +I'm so glad you two could make it. Mirtha, look at you. So beautiful. You look like you're about to burst. Thanks. I am. Where's Martha? +Thanks. I am. Where's Martha? I don't know. Drunk somewhere. Try the bar. And if you find her, tell her to come, it's almost midnight. +Que va hacer? Que queres decir. Que es lo que el va hacer? Pues, no va hacer nada. +Blanca, por favor. Mama, vos sos bien antigua. Como lo va a matar con un picahielo. Eso era en su tiempo, estamos casi ya en los ochenta. El lo va a meter un tiro, lo va a volar, le va a hechar un hijueputa carro encima. +Mama, vos sos bien antigua. Como lo va a matar con un picahielo. Eso era en su tiempo, estamos casi ya en los ochenta. El lo va a meter un tiro, lo va a volar, le va a hechar un hijueputa carro encima. Dejen la maricada pues! No jodan! Nadie va a matar a nadie! George, debemos hablarle al Patron, es la unica manera, mano. +Are you sure this guy is cool? You'll see for yourself. +Nothing like this back home. Derek! +This is it for me. What is? +What is? Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. +Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. You happy, baby? +You happy, baby? Yeah. I am. +Are you sure this guy is cool? You'll see for yourself. +Nothing like this back home. Derek! +This is it for me. What is? +What is? Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. +Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. You happy, baby? +You happy, baby? Yeah. I am. +We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. +Should we buy it? Are you kidding? +Are you kidding? We'll take it. +Honey, your nose! Oh my G-d, I'm so sorry. +You wanna split? Yeah, I don't feel so well. +Yeah, I don't feel so well. Okay, guys, we're gonna leave. Let's get the check. +Are you sure you're okay? You're pale. I feel like shit. Me and my frigging nosebleeds. +I feel like shit. Me and my frigging nosebleeds. I'm taking you to the doctor when we get home, and I don't want to hear any arguments. +I'm taking you to the doctor when we get home, and I don't want to hear any arguments. Would you be bummed out if I didn't go to Chicago with you? +Would you be bummed out if I didn't go to Chicago with you? No, not at all. Sure. You're right. You fly home and get some rest. +No, not at all. Sure. You're right. You fly home and get some rest. Nice first impression. A nose bleed in front of your parents. +Nice first impression. A nose bleed in front of your parents. Oh my G-d, how embarrassing were they? I wanted to shoot myself. +Oh my G-d, how embarrassing were they? I wanted to shoot myself. Oh, they weren't that bad. I mean, they were kind of cute. +Oh, they weren't that bad. I mean, they were kind of cute. Promise me that we'll never be like them. I don't want to wind up like that. +Promise me that we'll never be like them. I don't want to wind up like that. Relax, baby. We're going to wind up like us. +Surprise. Baby, you didn't have to come. +Baby, you didn't have to come. What, and miss all the fun? C'mon, not a chance. So, what's the verdict? +What, and miss all the fun? C'mon, not a chance. So, what's the verdict? Lawyer says he can plead it down to five years. I'll serve two. +Lawyer says he can plead it down to five years. I'll serve two. Two years. George, I can't wait that long. +Two years. George, I can't wait that long. What? You're not going to wait for me? +What? You're not going to wait for me? George, I went to the doctor. I don't have two years. +George, I went to the doctor. I don't have two years. Which brings me to rule number three: which says, fuck rules one and two, skip bail and take off. +Tuna, this is crap. I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. +I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. It's garbage. +You can't sell this to your friends. Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. +Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. +Tuna, this is crap. I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. +I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. It's garbage. +You can't sell this to your friends. Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. +Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. +Mr. Jung, you're a convicted felon, correct? Yes, I am. +Yes, I am. Do you have any agreement or understanding whatsoever with the United States government in regards to your testimony? +Do you have any agreement or understanding whatsoever with the United States government in regards to your testimony? No, I cam here out of my own volition. +No, I cam here out of my own volition. Excuse me? +Excuse me? Something about vengance being best served cold. +Something about vengance being best served cold. Really. Are you getting paid, Mr. Jung? +Really. Are you getting paid, Mr. Jung? Excuse me? +Excuse me? Mr. Jung, don't you have an agreement or understanding with the United States Government in connection with your testimony in this case? +Mr. Jung, don't you have an agreement or understanding with the United States Government in connection with your testimony in this case? I'm doing sixty years at Otisville, no chance of parole. Even if they cut my sentence in half I'll be seventy-three years old. That's some fucking deal. I don't know if the parole board, the judge, the pope or Jesus Christ himself can get me out of here. I have a really bad record, I'm not sure what's going to happen. +I'm doing sixty years at Otisville, no chance of parole. Even if they cut my sentence in half I'll be seventy-three years old. That's some fucking deal. I don't know if the parole board, the judge, the pope or Jesus Christ himself can get me out of here. I have a really bad record, I'm not sure what's going to happen. So you do have an agreement with the United States Government, Mr. Jung, correct? +Not so fast. I would like to go over the details. What details? I put the coke in the false bottoms and take it through customs. +What details? I put the coke in the false bottoms and take it through customs. Tell me about the suitcases. What is the make and the color? +Hmm. I see. Will there be clothes in the suitcase? What? Yeah, sure. +What? Yeah, sure. Whose cloths? Your clothes? +Whose cloths? Your clothes? My clothes, your clothes. What does it matter? +My clothes, your clothes. What does it matter? I would like to know the contents. Every detail is important. +I would like to know the contents. Every detail is important. What are we doing here, Diego? This guy's a clown. He's talking about clothes. +What are we doing here, Diego? This guy's a clown. He's talking about clothes. I demand to know everything. I do not trust six-hundred thousand dollars of coca to someone I don't know. +I demand to know everything. I do not trust six-hundred thousand dollars of coca to someone I don't know. It's a lousy fifteen kilos. I piss fifteen kilos. +It's a lousy fifteen kilos. I piss fifteen kilos. The coca is my responsibility! +The coca is my responsibility! You're a fucking amateur! +Why are you speaking? Excuse me? +Excuse me? You. Your responsibility is over. You do not fly. You are not a pilot. You are not a distributor. You introduced us to Mr. Stevens and the use of his airplane. That is all. You make a percentage. A generous one. And you're lucky to get that. +You. Your responsibility is over. You do not fly. You are not a pilot. You are not a distributor. You introduced us to Mr. Stevens and the use of his airplane. That is all. You make a percentage. A generous one. And you're lucky to get that. I see. How much? +I see. How much? Padrino will pay ten-thousand per kilo. For everyone. For you, and you, and you. +Mirtha. Diego needs to see you right away, please. Excuse us, Amorcito. +What can I do for you guys? We want some grass. +We want some grass. I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? +I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? No. +No. Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. +Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? +We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. +What the fuck is that? It's your grass. +What can I do for you guys? We want some grass. +We want some grass. I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? +I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? No. +No. Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. +Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? +We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. +What the fuck is that? It's your grass. +The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. +You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. +I don't know... Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. +Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. +Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. +Goodness. Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. +Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. And I only deal with you? +And I only deal with you? Barbara and me. No one else. +I don't think so. You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. +Are you sure you want to do this in front of everyone? Don't be ridiculous, these are my babies. +What did I tell you? It's great and everything, but what am I going to do with all this? +It's great and everything, but what am I going to do with all this? Sell it? +Half a million for you. Half a million for me. One-point-three five for the Colombians. Nice doing business with you, George. +Nice doing business with you, George. Not bad for a weekend's work, huh? +It's nothing personal, George. Just business. Yeah. I understand. Just business. Right. Fuck you. +Happy Birthday, George. Mirtha invited me. Yeah. She told me. +Yeah. She told me. Look, I'm sorry about everything. I feel like an idiot. You were right. I did fuck you. And then Diego fucked me. Cut me out, too. +Look, I'm sorry about everything. I feel like an idiot. You were right. I did fuck you. And then Diego fucked me. Cut me out, too. I heard. +I heard. I lost sight of everything. Forgot who my friends were. +I lost sight of everything. Forgot who my friends were. It's in the past. I'm out of the business now, so forget about it. No hard feelings. We need to move on. And besides, I'm sorry, too. +It's in the past. I'm out of the business now, so forget about it. No hard feelings. We need to move on. And besides, I'm sorry, too. You? +You? For calling you a homo. +For calling you a homo. That was out of line. +Christ almighty, George. Feed her a cheeseburger or something. What does she weight, eighty pounds? I know. She needs to slow down. She's going to blow an O-ring. +I want my kid out of protective custody. Now. No fucking around. My wife and my kid on a plane tonight. I sign when they call me safe and sound. No fucking way. +No fucking way. Fuck you, then. I sign nothing. +George? You better get yourself a good lawyer this time. We're gonna nail your ass to the wall on this one. Oh hey, one more thing? +Oh hey, one more thing? What's that? +What's that? Get me a six pack. +If you don't mind me asking, what is the reason you are in this place? What? +What? Your offense? Why are you here? +Your offense? Why are you here? I don't want to talk about it. +I don't want to talk about it. Intriguing. I see. Would you like to know my crime? +Intriguing. I see. Would you like to know my crime? Not really, no. +Not really, no. No? +No? I don't like a lot of conversation, Diego. +I don't like a lot of conversation, Diego. Me, too. Too much blah, blah, blah, blah is no good. But we are roommates, okay? And we must talk to each other. I am arrested for stealing cars. For the grand theft auto. Okay? So, now it is your turn. Now you will tell me, okay? You will tell me why you are here? +Oh, come on, George. If we are to be friends, we must trust each other. Murder. +Murder. Ah, yes. The murder. +What do you got there, Diego? Nothing. Just a little project. +Nothing. Just a little project. What kind of project? +What kind of project? Never mind. Not for you to worry. +Never mind. Not for you to worry. I thought you said we were roommates. That we should talk about everything. +I thought you said we were roommates. That we should talk about everything. You have your intrigues. I have mine. This is a happy day for me, George. Nine months from today, I will be in Medellin sipping champagne. In nine months, I am free. How much time do you have? +You have your intrigues. I have mine. This is a happy day for me, George. Nine months from today, I will be in Medellin sipping champagne. In nine months, I am free. How much time do you have? Twenty-six months. +Twenty-six months. Twenty-six months? For murder? I must be your lawyer. +Twenty-six months? For murder? I must be your lawyer. I've got to get out of here, Diego. +I've got to get out of here, Diego. Only two ways I know to leave here early. One is to escape. +Only two ways I know to leave here early. One is to escape. What's the other one? +I never believed you were a murderer. I knew. I knew you are a magico. I have seen it in you. It's in your spirit. I'm tired, Diego. Go to bed. +I'm tired, Diego. Go to bed. You like to make the boundaries disappear. It's not only the money, is it, George? The adventure is part of the victory. It's the thrill, ah? +You like to make the boundaries disappear. It's not only the money, is it, George? The adventure is part of the victory. It's the thrill, ah? Good night. +Good night. In my country, I am a magico. A man with a dream. A man on the rise. To take nothing and make it something, okay? I have failed my dream, but I will accomplish. That is why I am in your country. Yes, I lose my freedom. But they do not take my dream. Do you have a dream, George? +In my country, I am a magico. A man with a dream. A man on the rise. To take nothing and make it something, okay? I have failed my dream, but I will accomplish. That is why I am in your country. Yes, I lose my freedom. But they do not take my dream. Do you have a dream, George? I would if I could get some sleep. +I would if I could get some sleep. Yes, you have a dream. And maybe you accomplish your dream. But yet you failed. Why? +Yes, you have a dream. And maybe you accomplish your dream. But yet you failed. Why? Because I got caught. +Because I got caught. No, my brother. +No, my brother. Because they caught me? +Because they caught me? You failed because you had the wrong dream. +George? What do you know about cocaine? I don't know, Diego. I've got a good thing going already. Everybody smokes pot. It's easy. Cocaine is a rich man's drug. It's too expensive. +I don't know, Diego. I've got a good thing going already. Everybody smokes pot. It's easy. Cocaine is a rich man's drug. It's too expensive. No, no. That is where you are wrong. For us, it is cheap. In Medellin, we buy for six-thousand dollars a kilo. IN Miami, we sell for sixty. +That's over fifty-thousand dollars profit per kilo. And that's wholesale. Cut it a few times and retail, you're looking at two, three-hundred thousand. +And that's wholesale. Cut it a few times and retail, you're looking at two, three-hundred thousand. Oh my G-d. +Oh my G-d. Yes. And a kilo of coca is smaller than a kilo of your precious marijuana. Everything is the same, George, except instead of thousands, you are making millions. +Yes. And a kilo of coca is smaller than a kilo of your precious marijuana. Everything is the same, George, except instead of thousands, you are making millions. Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. +Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. Now do you see what I am saying? +Now do you see what I am saying? Getting it here is no problem. Trust me. I'll fly it in myself if I have to. What about supply? How much can we get? +Getting it here is no problem. Trust me. I'll fly it in myself if I have to. What about supply? How much can we get? Don't worry. We will talk of everything. We have the time. You arrive here with a Bachelor of Marijuana, but you will leave with a Doctorate of Cocaine. +What type of planes do you have? Four passenger, single engine Cessna. +Four passenger, single engine Cessna. How many kilos can we fit in these planes? +How many kilos can we fit in these planes? I don't know. A hundred, hundred and fifty. How many miles is it from Colombia to Miami? +I don't know. A hundred, hundred and fifty. How many miles is it from Colombia to Miami? Fifteen hundred. We'll have to stop somewhere to refuel. +Fifteen hundred. We'll have to stop somewhere to refuel. We'll refuel in the Bahamas. I know someone there. +We'll refuel in the Bahamas. I know someone there. Great. I love the Bahamas. +Diego Delgado, please? Allo? +Allo? Diego? It's George. +Diego? It's George. George, hallo! Today is the day, ah? Are you out? +George, hallo! Today is the day, ah? Are you out? Yeah, I'm out. +Yeah, I'm out. Congratulations, brother. I've been waiting for you. +Congratulations, brother. I've been waiting for you. How are we doing? +How are we doing? Perfect, George. Perfect. Everything is fine down here. Everything is all set up. +Perfect, George. Perfect. Everything is fine down here. Everything is all set up. Do we need a plane? How does this work? When do I see you? +Do we need a plane? How does this work? When do I see you? Slow down, George. Slow down. +You need to come down here, everybody meets everybody. Ho ho ho. Ha ha ha. We do one for good faith and then we talk about airplanes. I can't go anywhere, Diego. I'm on parole. I can't leave the state. +I can't go anywhere, Diego. I'm on parole. I can't leave the state. But you must. It's the only way. +But you must. It's the only way. I just got released five minutes ago. +I just got released five minutes ago. George, are we gonna do this or not? +Good to see you, Diego. Yes. Look around you. The sun. The water. The women. It's better than Danbury, no? Come on. I have some friends I would like you to meet. +Fifteen kilos. Seven and a half in each suitcase. You receive a hundred thousand dollars upon delivery. Okay. +Please, continue. We make the pick-up, refuel once more in the Bahamas, and fly back on Sunday with the mom and pop traffic. +What's the matter, George? What's the matter? We're moving three hundred fucking kilos and we're making dogshit. +What's the matter? We're moving three hundred fucking kilos and we're making dogshit. A million dollars for our first run is not bad, George. +A million dollars for our first run is not bad, George. It is bad. It's chump change. We might as well be hauling suitcases across the border. We're getting screwed. +It is bad. It's chump change. We might as well be hauling suitcases across the border. We're getting screwed. I know. +I know. And what happens when these guys stop paying? Sooner or later, these guys are going to cut us out. Then where are we? +And what happens when these guys stop paying? Sooner or later, these guys are going to cut us out. Then where are we? That's my George, always thinking. +This is only part of the business, George. A very small part. Don't worry, there is so much more to do. Which reminds me, I need a favor from you. I must go to Colombia. What is it, George? Because I have to get home. I've got a parole officer waiting for me. +What is it, George? Because I have to get home. I've got a parole officer waiting for me. I need you to go to Miami. +George. Jesus Christ, Diego, where are you? It's been eleven days and these guys want their fucking money. +Jesus Christ, Diego, where are you? It's been eleven days and these guys want their fucking money. Bad news, George. I'm in Colombia. +Bad news, George. I'm in Colombia. Well, you better get here fast. I'm sitting on... +Jesus Christ, George, I don't see you in two years, and you show up at my door with a hundred and ten pounds of cocaine? Just sell it, Derek. +Thirty-six hours. I can't believe it. Everything is gone in thirty-six hours. I think it's fair to say you underestimated the market there, Derek. +I think it's fair to say you underestimated the market there, Derek. Touche. +Touche. But to the victor belong the spoils. +George, good to see you, my brother. What the fuck is going on? When did you get out of jail? +What the fuck is going on? When did you get out of jail? Pablo used his influence. Now, George, watch what you say. Everybody hears everything. A lot of things get said and done that, well, let's just say this isn't America. Life is cheap here, you know? No offense, but you know what I'm saying? +Pablo used his influence. Now, George, watch what you say. Everybody hears everything. A lot of things get said and done that, well, let's just say this isn't America. Life is cheap here, you know? No offense, but you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Keep my mouth shut and let you do the talking. +Yeah. Keep my mouth shut and let you do the talking. Right. Now who is the person in California? The connection? +Right. Now who is the person in California? The connection? Just a friend. +Just a friend. Who? I need to know. Ah, never mind. We'll talk about it later. +Who? I need to know. Ah, never mind. We'll talk about it later. Yeah. You do the talking. +Three million. I counted it twice. It's two-point-five, George. I am sure. +I'm calling it three. We're half a million off. +We're half a million off. Fuck it. I'm not counting it again. +Fuck it. I'm not counting it again. Weight it. If it's sixty pounds, it's three. If it's fifty, it's two-point five. +Weight it. If it's sixty pounds, it's three. If it's fifty, it's two-point five. I don't give a shit. Close enough. +Where do I put this!? Try the back bedroom. +There's no room. Try the closet. +Are you comfortable with this? George, we've got sixty-one million dollars. It's either here or someplace else. We've got to put it somewhere. Unless you want to launder it. +George, we've got sixty-one million dollars. It's either here or someplace else. We've got to put it somewhere. Unless you want to launder it. And keep only forty-percent? No thanks. +And keep only forty-percent? No thanks. Then relax. It's a federal bank. Guaranteed by the government. And Senor Noriega has very lenient banking principles. No questions. No problems. All the pesados keep their money here. Even El Padrino. What do you worry? Everyone knows we are with Escobar. Who is going to fuck with us? +I'm married, George. Me. I can't believe it. Can you believe I'm married, George? You're a lucky man, Diego. +You're a lucky man, Diego. I love you, my brother, do you know that? +I love you, my brother, do you know that? I love you too, man. +Three years. How long have we been in business? Three years. Does she get to meet your connection? Was she good enough? Shut up, Diego. They're going to be here any minute. I'm trying to concentrate. +Shut up, Diego. They're going to be here any minute. I'm trying to concentrate. I'm very angry with you, George. Very angry. You don't take me to California, but you take your bitch wife? A woman? I understand you love her, but it was you and me who started this. You and me. +I'm very angry with you, George. Very angry. You don't take me to California, but you take your bitch wife? A woman? I understand you love her, but it was you and me who started this. You and me. What do you need my connection for, Diego? What are you going to do with it? +What do you need my connection for, Diego? What are you going to do with it? What do I do with it? Nothing. It's for peace of mind. It's for the principle. +Jesus fucking Christ, Diego. I ain't telling you. It's just business. Now, shut up. You're driving me crazy. I'm driving you crazy? No. You're driving me crazy. We had a dream. What happened to our dream? +Nothing. Todo esta bien. Everything is not alright. I bring you in, and you slap my fucking face! +Everything is not alright. I bring you in, and you slap my fucking face! This is not the time, Diego. +Take it easy! Everything's okay! Que es lo que quieren de me, hijueputas campesinos? +Estoy bien, okay? Everything is alright. There's no problem. Okay? This never happened. No one has to know anything about this. Diego, I want you to calmly tell them where the fucking coke is. Do it now. Es un Ford blanco junto a una pick-up. +Derek Foreal. What? +What? Derek Foreal. Derek Foreal. Derek fucking Foreal. Alright? The answer to all your dreams. Are you happy now? +George, I am happy to see you. How are you, my brother? No more brothers, Diego. +No more brothers, Diego. Of course we are brothers. Why do you say that? You hurt me, George. +Of course we are brothers. Why do you say that? You hurt me, George. You fucked me, Diego. +You fucked me, Diego. I did not. +I did not. You went behind my back and you cut me out. +You went behind my back and you cut me out. No, I never. I would not do that, George. Never. +No, I never. I would not do that, George. Never. I talked to Foreal, Diego. +You'd better kill me now, Diego, because you're a dead man. George, don't be so emotional. This is business. Besides, I can't kill you, you are my brother. +He's in tachycardia. George, your heart is racing. Have you been using drugs? Coke. +Coke. Cocaine? How much? +Cocaine? How much? I don't know. Maybe eighteen grams. +I don't know. Maybe eighteen grams. In how long? A week? +In how long? A week? Today. +Today. Oh, Jesus, Get me a 12-lead e.k.g. and start an i.v. stat! This man is having a heart attack. +Well, you know. It's um... Oh, shut up, Fred. Shut your big fat mouth. You don't buy it all at once. It's called layaway. +Yeah, layaway. The boy is happy, Fred. Don't be such a killjoy. +Surprised to see me? Take your boots off. You're tan. +Take your boots off. You're tan. Mexico. +Mexico. Yeah. We heard all about it. I want you to know I'm deeply sorry about your girlfriend. +Yeah. We heard all about it. I want you to know I'm deeply sorry about your girlfriend. Barbara. +Barbara. Yes, Barbara. She was very pretty. +Yes, Barbara. She was very pretty. Thank you. Have you been getting the money I sent you? +Thank you. Have you been getting the money I sent you? You mean the drug money? Yes, I got it. +G-d, son. Okay, Mom. It's okay. Where's Dad? +It's a family heirloom. I've seen those in magazines. They're not cheap. +I've seen those in magazines. They're not cheap. Mirtha comes from a very wealthy family. +Mirtha comes from a very wealthy family. Oh, I see. +Tell him I don't want to see him. Tell him he's not welcome here. Mom. +I just can't get over the size of that ring. I just love it. Fred, look at it. Tell me you don't love that ring. I'm just happy that George has found someone he cares for. +I'm just happy that George has found someone he cares for. Yes. Of course. But, I'm talking about that ring. It's something else. Let me tell you. +Layaway shmayaway. That's right. Layaway. Something you wouldn't know anything about, you cheapskate. +That's right. Layaway. Something you wouldn't know anything about, you cheapskate. Who's the cheapskate? +Who's the cheapskate? You, you big old tightwad. He still has his communion money. Tell him, George. Tell your father about layaway. +Yeah. Nice. Look at this credenza. If you don't mind me asking, how much is something like that? It's got to cost a fortune. +So, this is the man who takes fifty kilos and makes them disappear in one day? Actually, it was three. +Actually, it was three. The man who gives us the airplanes. The man from America. The mafia. Chicago. Boom boom. Hollywood. You are going to open for us the gates of Hollywood, George? +The man who gives us the airplanes. The man from America. The mafia. Chicago. Boom boom. Hollywood. You are going to open for us the gates of Hollywood, George? It would be my pleasure. +It would be my pleasure. Good. Very good. Welcome, my friend. Welcome to my country. +The man in the garden. He was full of courage. Un sapo? +Un sapo? Un rata - no good. But he could have run, fled the country. Gone to the policia. But then his wife, his children, his parents, his friends, many people would die. +Un rata - no good. But he could have run, fled the country. Gone to the policia. But then his wife, his children, his parents, his friends, many people would die. Yes. +Yes. But, never mind. I am thinking we can do much together. This problem with Diego, the stolen car, the jail, is very silly business. To release him from the carcel, it causes me much inconvenience. The fifty kilos could have been a big problem. And I don't like problems. +But, never mind. I am thinking we can do much together. This problem with Diego, the stolen car, the jail, is very silly business. To release him from the carcel, it causes me much inconvenience. The fifty kilos could have been a big problem. And I don't like problems. With all respect, Padrino. Diego is my partner. I do not do business without him. +I like you, George. You are loyal. That is good. That is rare. Maybe crazy. Yes. I can tell already. You are like me. I look at you and I see myself. It's in the eyes, no, George? Yes, it is. +Yes, it is. So, you are wanting to sell the cocaine for me in your country, George? +So, you are wanting to sell the cocaine for me in your country, George? Yes, sir. As much as you can give me. +Yes, sir. As much as you can give me. As much as I can give you? Ha ha. Very good. I like that. Come, George. Let us drive. We have much to talk about. +I like to come up here. To make the decisions. To be one with nature. It's beautiful. +It's beautiful. People tell me that I am crazy. That my business will never work in your country. What do you think, George? +What do I think? I don't want my answer to be influenced by what I want, so I'm going to have to say I don't know. Yes. I do not know, either. What do you want, George? +Yes. I do not know, either. What do you want, George? I want money. +I want money. Yes. Money. Which is what, George? +Yes. Money. Which is what, George? Freedom. +Freedom. Power? +Power? Yeah, maybe. +Yeah, maybe. Family. +Family. Sure. +Sure. Beautiful girls? +Beautiful girls? Keep them coming. +Keep them coming. Keep them coming? Ah, yes. Ha ha. You are right. But money. +Keep them coming? Ah, yes. Ha ha. You are right. But money. Money. +Money. And Diego? +And Diego? Diego is my brother. +George, you look terrible. Yeah, well... +Yeah, well... Diego? +Diego? Yeah. +Yeah. Please. Sit down. We'll drink some scotch. +Please. Sit down. We'll drink some scotch. I didn't come here to drink scotch. +I didn't come here to drink scotch. I see. I'm sorry about this, George. I'm not happy about this situation. It's bad. You now know who your Brutus is. +I see. I'm sorry about this, George. I'm not happy about this situation. It's bad. You now know who your Brutus is. You know why I'm here. You know what I have to do. I came here for permission. Out of respect, Pablo. This is bullshit, he's making me look like a punk. +You know why I'm here. You know what I have to do. I came here for permission. Out of respect, Pablo. This is bullshit, he's making me look like a punk. It is very difficult. Diego makes me a lot of money. If Diego goes so does the money. You were an excellent teacher, George. When the student has learned well, the teacher is no longer necessary. We must remember we have wives, friends, familia. Even familia that has not been born. But sometimes, we must forget as well. I am like you. I must teach the lesson. We want to teach the lesson. But we cannot. We must remember that life is the teacher. +It is very difficult. Diego makes me a lot of money. If Diego goes so does the money. You were an excellent teacher, George. When the student has learned well, the teacher is no longer necessary. We must remember we have wives, friends, familia. Even familia that has not been born. But sometimes, we must forget as well. I am like you. I must teach the lesson. We want to teach the lesson. But we cannot. We must remember that life is the teacher. You're saying life will take care of Diego? +You're saying life will take care of Diego? Life will take care of everybody. Diego, me, you. It is the teacher. +Life will take care of everybody. Diego, me, you. It is the teacher. I get it. I'm really pissed, Pablo. You know the DEA knows about Norman's Cay. For Chrissakes, Diego worships Adolf Hitler and John Lennon, that's fucked up! +I get it. I'm really pissed, Pablo. You know the DEA knows about Norman's Cay. For Chrissakes, Diego worships Adolf Hitler and John Lennon, that's fucked up! I'm sorry, George. +I'm sorry, George. Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? You and me, Pablo? Are we good? +Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? You and me, Pablo? Are we good? Of course, George. We are beautiful. We are brothers. Real brothers. Not like Diego. We started this, George. +There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. +That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. I know. +I know. Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. +Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... +What are you going to do? I'm going to California. +There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. +That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. I know. +I know. Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. +Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... +What are you going to do? I'm going to California. +May the wind always be at your back and the sun always upon your face... ...and the winds of destiny carry you aloft... +Just low. You loved her, didn't you? You really loved her. +You loved her, didn't you? You really loved her. Yeah, Dad. I really did. What am I gonna do? +Yeah, Dad. I really did. What am I gonna do? Tough spot. +You mad at me? Not mad. +Not mad. Yeah, you are. I can tell by the way you look at me. +Yeah, you are. I can tell by the way you look at me. I just don't know what you're thinking. I don't understand your choices. You know, the police are looking for you. +I just don't know what you're thinking. I don't understand your choices. You know, the police are looking for you. I know. I'm great at what I do, Dad. I mean, I'm really great. +I know. I'm great at what I do, Dad. I mean, I'm really great. Let me tell you something, son. You would have been great at anything. +So, business is going good. I've got this import/export thing going on in Miami that's been very profitable. With my investments... Don't bullshit me, George. I don't see you very much, I don't want to waste the time. +You're like your mother. You love money. Dad. +Dad. No, it's good. You have a family. It's good if it makes you happy. It's nice to have nice things. Are you happy, son? +No, it's good. You have a family. It's good if it makes you happy. It's nice to have nice things. Are you happy, son? Yeah, Dad. I'm happy right now. +Hi. I heard. Ermine, your son is here. +She's angry. It's all over the news. Yeah. Listen. I'm going to be going away for awhile. +Yeah. Listen. I'm going to be going away for awhile. You're not going to trial? +You're not going to trial? No. +No. Good. +Give this to Mom, will you? Money. You and your mother. All the time chasing it. I never understood it. +Money. You and your mother. All the time chasing it. I never understood it. Give it to her, Dad. It'll make her happy. +Give it to her, Dad. It'll make her happy. Yeah, I know. This is it, isn't it? +Tell Mom, you know... I'll tell her. +And that FBI agent, Trout? When he had to get on his knees to put my boots on? You said... That's where you belong... +...you sonofabitch. Putting on George's boots. That was a good one, Dad. That was really something. Remember that? +"I guess I kind of lost sight of things. ""May the wind always be at your back and the sun always upon your face, and the winds of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars."" Love, George." That was a beautiful message. +That was a beautiful message. I meant every word of it. +I meant every word of it. Did you know I died two weeks after you sent me that tape? +How are you doing, George? What do you guys want? +What do you guys want? You hear about your old friend, Diego? +You hear about your old friend, Diego? What about him? +What the fuck? Is he going to walk? He's going down, George. It's election year. We're not making any deals. +Don't be stupid, George. We've got him. We've got him dead to rights. But like I said, this is top priority so we're handing out free passes on this one. And the first one's got your name on it. Cut your sentence in half, maybe more. No thanks, fellas. You've got the wrong fucking guy. I'm not a rat. +Figured it out. Figured what out? +Figured what out? You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. +It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. +George. Tuna. +Figured it out. Figured what out? +Figured what out? You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. +It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. +George. Tuna. +Look what the cat dragged in. Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? +What the fuck are you talking about, man? The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. +Source? What about Derek? He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. +Hello. Hello. +Hello. Do I know you? +Do I know you? I don't think so. +I don't think so. Why are you smiling? +Why are you smiling? Why are you smiling? +Why are you smiling? I don't know. My name is George. +I don't know. My name is George. I know who you are, El Americano. Mister George. +I know who you are, El Americano. Mister George. What is your name? +You better know what you're doing, George. You're playing with fire. I like fire. +Jesus Christ. Oh, don't be such a fucking hypocrite. I quit smoking, didn't I? +Oh, don't be such a fucking hypocrite. I quit smoking, didn't I? Put that shit away, they're here. +George. Oh, Jesus Christ, George. Look at you. Shhh, honey, never mind. It's alright. It's over. I quit the business. I'm out. +Shhh, honey, never mind. It's alright. It's over. I quit the business. I'm out. Pablo said no? +Pablo said no? Pablo said no. It's all over. And I'm never going back. I have you. We have the baby. And there's nothing else. It's just the family now. Shhh. Sleep now. +Look, Mirtha. She's walking. She did that before. +She did that before. No. These are her first steps. Watch her. +No. These are her first steps. Watch her. Yeah. I know. She did that before. +Yeah. I know. She did that before. But this is... +But this is... I said, I've seen it before. +I said, I've seen it before. Alright. +Alright. Can you lift the furnace. I need money. +Can you lift the furnace. I need money. Where are you going? +Where are you going? Out. +No, that's alright. Oh fucking relax. Let your hair down for once. It's your fucking birthday, for Chrissakes. You're such a fucking pussy. I swear to G-d, I married this big time drug dealer and wound up with the maid. +What are we going to do?! What are we going to use for money?! Please, Mirtha. I'll start working for Augusto. I'll talk to him tonight. I'll do something. +Please, Mirtha. I'll start working for Augusto. I'll talk to him tonight. I'll do something. Don't touch me. Tell me. Just answer the question. What do I spend? What? How will we live? +Not in front of the kid. Don't give me that shit. You just better do something. +There's a fucking cop behind us, Mirtha. Be cool, will ya. Fuck you, George, just fucking drive. +Fuck you, George, just fucking drive. "Hey, why don't you just put a ""I'm doing cocaine"" sign on the car. What is your fucking problem?" +"Hey, why don't you just put a ""I'm doing cocaine"" sign on the car. What is your fucking problem?" My problem? We're broke, that's my fucking problem. And you're a fucking spy. +My problem? We're broke, that's my fucking problem. And you're a fucking spy. What? +What? That's right. Always spying, always judging. Everyone's laughing at you, you fucking pussy. You let Diego fuck you in the ass. Maybe you are a fucking faggot. You must be fucking Diego because you're not fucking me. +You should have taken better care of me, you know? You've been away a long time. Four years. Say something. What do you want me to say? I'm in prison. You should know. You put me here. +What do you want me to say? I'm in prison. You should know. You put me here. Fuck you, George. I knew you'd say something like that. Always thinking about yourself. +What do you want? You knew I was seeing Kristina, right? +You knew I was seeing Kristina, right? Yeah. She told me. You walk her to school. +Yeah. She told me. You walk her to school. Yeah, so I've been thinking. I love her, y'know? I kind of want to have her. I've been away for so long. Make up for the missed time, you know? +Yeah, so I've been thinking. I love her, y'know? I kind of want to have her. I've been away for so long. Make up for the missed time, you know? I haven't seen one dollar from you. You haven't paid me one cent in child support, alimony. +I haven't seen one dollar from you. You haven't paid me one cent in child support, alimony. Yeah, well. I'm working on that. I've got something going. +Yeah, well. I'm working on that. I've got something going. Yeah? I better see some money out of it. +Yeah? I better see some money out of it. Yeah, you will. Of course. +Hey, look. You start paying, who knows what will happen. You're a good father, George. I always gave you that. But you've got to talk to her. Yeah. +Yeah. She's getting big. Getting her own ideas. +She's getting big. Getting her own ideas. I know. Well, that's all I really wanted to say. So, okay, then. +Hey, George. You okay? Yeah. I'm fine. I'm good. +Mirtha, what's going on? Everything okay with Kristina? Kristina's fine. +Kristina's fine. Is she here? Is she coming? +Is she here? Is she coming? Is she here? George, Kristina hates you. You fucked her over one too many times. And I'm not here to socialize. Did you hear about Diego? +Is she here? George, Kristina hates you. You fucked her over one too many times. And I'm not here to socialize. Did you hear about Diego? Yeah. +Yeah. "Well, I got a call from Pablo. He said this thing with Diego is a disaster. He's giving up lab locations, names, bank accounts, he was very pissed off. Pablo said to take him down. His exact words were ""Fuck Diego.""" +"Well, I got a call from Pablo. He said this thing with Diego is a disaster. He's giving up lab locations, names, bank accounts, he was very pissed off. Pablo said to take him down. His exact words were ""Fuck Diego.""" He wants me to testify? Is that what he's asking me to do? +He wants me to testify? Is that what he's asking me to do? George, he wasn't asking. +Mirtha, how are you doing? Better than you. +Everything's gonna be okay, sweetheart. Don't be upset. What's happening to us? +I don't know. Are we gonna split up? +Are we gonna split up? No, never. Don't even think about that, it's impossible. I love your mother. And you are my heart. Could I live without my heart? Could I? +What are you doing here? Nothing. I just wanted you to know I was out. I just wanted to see you. +Nothing. I just wanted you to know I was out. I just wanted to see you. Well, here I am. See? +Well, here I am. See? How are you doing? +How are you doing? George, you just can't show up, tell me you love me, and have everything be okay. +George, you just can't show up, tell me you love me, and have everything be okay. Dad. +Dad. What? +What? You can call me Dad if you want. +You can call me Dad if you want. I don't want, alright? It's not funny. I'm really pissed off, George. You blew it, now leave me alone. +I don't want, alright? It's not funny. I'm really pissed off, George. You blew it, now leave me alone. Kristina, c'mon, I'm sorry. I'm going to make this right. I've got a few things going on... +Kristina, c'mon, I'm sorry. I'm going to make this right. I've got a few things going on... What do you want from me? +What do you want from me? Just to walk with you. I want to be your dad again. +Just to walk with you. I want to be your dad again. Do what you want, it's a free country. +Let me ask you something. If you could go anywhere in the world, anywhere, where would you want to go? You mean, like a trip? +You mean, like a trip? Yeah, sure, whatever. +California? You can go anywhere in the world. India. Tibet. Australia. Paris. And you choose California? Yeah. +Yeah. What is it? A Disneyland thing? +What is it? A Disneyland thing? No. I just kind of like the sound of it. +No. I just kind of like the sound of it. California, huh? +California, huh? California. +Bye, Dad. See you in the morning, okay? I'll be here. +I'm thinking about getting out of town this week. You want to come with me? Where are you going? +Where are you going? I don't know. Maybe California. +I don't know. Maybe California. You swear? +You swear? Yeah. Go out there, check it out, see what it's like. I've got some stuff to do this week, but I'm thinking maybe Thursday. Thursday after school. +Yeah. Go out there, check it out, see what it's like. I've got some stuff to do this week, but I'm thinking maybe Thursday. Thursday after school. You know I can't. Mom will never let me go. +You know I can't. Mom will never let me go. You let me take care of your mother. You just pack your bags. +You let me take care of your mother. You just pack your bags. But I've got school. +But I've got school. There's schools in California. +There's schools in California. You swear? +You swear? That's right. Three o'clock. Thursday. At your mother's. You and me. It's a date. +That's right. Three o'clock. Thursday. At your mother's. You and me. It's a date. I don't believe you. +I don't believe you. I swear. On my life. +I swear. On my life. Swear on my life. +Swear on my life. I swear on your life. +I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. It's alright, Dad. +It's alright, Dad. I didn't mean to... +I didn't mean to... I know, Dad. I know... +I fucked up. Shhhh. +Shhhh. I love you. I love you so much. You've got to know that. You've got to know. +I love you. I love you so much. You've got to know that. You've got to know. I know, Dad. I love you too. +I know, Dad. I love you too. After everything. After everything, the only thing left out of my whole life is you. +But I have a visitor. Not today, George. Time to go back. +Not today, George. Time to go back. But I want to put her name on the list for tomorrow. My daughter. +But I want to put her name on the list for tomorrow. My daughter. Okay, George. +Okay, George. Because she's visiting me. +Because she's visiting me. We'll do that tomorrow, okay? It's lockdown time. +Mr. Jung, do you know Diego Delgado? Yes, I do. +Yes, I do. Do you see him here in the courtroom? +Do you see him here in the courtroom? Yes, he's sitting right there at the end of the table. +Yes, he's sitting right there at the end of the table. Let the record state the witness has identified, Diego Delgado. +Mr. Jung, can you describe the circumstances of how you began talking about cocaine with Mr. Delgado? Shortly after I arrived at Danbury Federal Correctional Institute I related to Diego that the crime I was in for was smuggling marijuana. Diego told me he had high level connections in Colombia and they needed to find someone to help them transport cocaine into America... +It's a four-man operation. Two on the ground. Two in the air. Who's the co-pilot? +Who's the co-pilot? You're looking at him. We provide the plane, transportation cost, U.S. landing spot, and take it to wherever you want it to go. You provide the pick up point in South America, and are responsible for payment. You assume all the bust risks. We take sixty-five percent of all transportation fees, ten percent of the gross, plus our expenses. This is not a negotiation, so if this is okay with you, we can talk further. If not, we can forget we had this conversation. +You're looking at him. We provide the plane, transportation cost, U.S. landing spot, and take it to wherever you want it to go. You provide the pick up point in South America, and are responsible for payment. You assume all the bust risks. We take sixty-five percent of all transportation fees, ten percent of the gross, plus our expenses. This is not a negotiation, so if this is okay with you, we can talk further. If not, we can forget we had this conversation. Sounds fine. I'll need to meet everybody. +Sounds fine. I'll need to meet everybody. They're over at the booth. +You saved my life, Dulli. You'll never fucking know. All you guys. Everyone just got a raise. Instead of ten percent, you get fifteen. Jesus, George, fifteen percent. That's an extra two-hundred large. +Jesus, George, fifteen percent. That's an extra two-hundred large. I don't give a shit. Split it up. Have a great life. I'm done. I'm out. Starting over. Cheers. +Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. Yes, I am. +For instance, something like this? Very nice. I'll take it. +Very nice. I'll take it. Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? +Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. +All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. +Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. I don't need a little. I need a lot. +I don't need a little. I need a lot. Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. +Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? +What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. +Good to see you, Jorge. You are a man of your word. Actually, I've got some news. That fifty thousand I promised you, I couldn't get it. +Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. Yeah, but what are you doing out here? +Yeah, but what are you doing out here? I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. +I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? +This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? No, man. I'm too fucked up. +Right on. G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... +G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... Stoned? +Stoned? I wish there was shit like this back home. +I wish there was shit like this back home. Yeah? +Yeah? Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? +Yeah? When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... +It's not enough. What? +So? So, we need to get to the source. +Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? Who speaks Spanish? +Not that far, only halfway. You sure you know what you're doing? Relax. I've flown with my old man a million times. And he always told me, the taking off part is easy, it's the landing you've got to worry about. +Holy shit, Dulli! Georgie, oh man, hold the mayo! +Georgie, oh man, hold the mayo! That was it. Seeing Dulli after fourteen years sealed the deal for me. The rest was just details. My end was roughly five-hundred thousand. Kristina and I could have a good life for five hundred grand. Start over somewhere. One final score. That's all I needed. +Are we good? Are we good? Yeah, we're good. We're beautiful. We're perfect. This is A grade, one-hundred percent pure Colombian cocaine, Ladies and Gentlemen. Disco shit. Pure as the driven snow. Good riddance. +Nice weed, huh? Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. +No shit, Kevin? That's right. +Smith. Hampshire.... Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. +Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. +What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. +This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. +I can't believe we're stealing a plane. Don't be such a pussy. +Look around. I've put everything at your disposal. Go take a look with your own eyes. The strike is a success; but ... +The strike is a success; but ... No. It has failed in its objective. +But the NLF has always spoken of a strike as a demonstration ... And you believe the NLF? +And you believe the NLF? They seemed to be plausible this time. A general strike is a good argument for the UN. +They seemed to be plausible this time. A general strike is a good argument for the UN. The UN is far away, dear sir. It is easier to make oneself heard with bombs. If I were in their place, I would use bombs. +Colonel Mathieu ... Much has been said lately not only of the successes obtained by the paratroopers, but also of the methods that they have employed ... Can you tell us something about this? The successes obtained are the results of those methods. One presupposes the other and vice versa. +It is an inevitable stage in revolutionary war; from terrorism, one passes to insurrection ... as from open guerrilla warfare one passes to real war, the latter being the determining factor ... Dien Bien Phu? +Dien Bien Phu? Exactly. +In Indochina, they won. And here? +And here? It depends on you. +Excuse me, colonel. I have the impression that perhaps due to excessive prudence ... my colleagues continue to ask the same allusive questions, to which you can only respond in an allusive manner. I think it would be better to call things by their right names; if one means torture, then one should call it torture. I understand. What's your question? +I understand. What's your question? The questions have already been asked. I would only like some precise answers, that's all ... +The questions have already been asked. I would only like some precise answers, that's all ... "Let's try to be precise then. The word ""torture"" does not appear in our orders. We have always spoken of interrogation as the only valid method in a police operation directed against unknown enemies. As for the NLF, they request that their members, in the event of capture, should maintain silence for twenty-four hours, and then, they may talk. Thus, the organization has already had the time necessary to render useless any information furnished ... What type of interrogation should we choose? ... the one the courts use for a crime of homicide which drags on for months?" +"Let's try to be precise then. The word ""torture"" does not appear in our orders. We have always spoken of interrogation as the only valid method in a police operation directed against unknown enemies. As for the NLF, they request that their members, in the event of capture, should maintain silence for twenty-four hours, and then, they may talk. Thus, the organization has already had the time necessary to render useless any information furnished ... What type of interrogation should we choose? ... the one the courts use for a crime of homicide which drags on for months?" The law is often inconvenient, colonel ... +The law is often inconvenient, colonel ... "And those who explode bombs in public places, do they perhaps respect the law? When you asked that question to Ben M'Hidi, remember what he said? No, gentlemen, believe me, it is a vicious circle. And we could discuss the problem for hours without reaching any conclusions. Because the problem does not lie here. The problem is: the NLF wants us to leave Algeria and we want to remain. Now, it seems to me that, despite varying shades of opinion, you all agree that we must remain. When the rebellion first began, there were not even shades of opinion. All the newspapers, even the left-wing ones wanted the rebellion suppressed. And we were sent here for this very reason. And we are neither madmen nor sadists, gentlemen. Those who call us fascists today, forget the contribution that many of us made to the Resistance. Those who call us Nazis, do not know that among us there are survivors of Dachau and Buchenwald. We are soldiers and our only duty is to win. Therefore, to be precise, I would now like to ask you a question: Should France remain in Algeria? If you answer ""yes,"" then you must accept all the necessary consequences." +Go ahead! C'mon ... Repeat everything from the beginning, and then we'll let you go. Name ... Sid Ahmed. +Sid Ahmed. Second name. +Second name. Sail. +Sail. "Which ""district"" do you belong to?" +"Which ""district"" do you belong to?" Second district ... +Second district ... Second district ... Explain better ... +Second district ... Explain better ... Second district, Casbah, West Algiers. +Second district, Casbah, West Algiers. "What ""group""?" +"What ""group""?" Third group. +Third group. Third group. What's your assignment? +Third group. What's your assignment? Uh ... responsible for the sixth section. +You afraid of these ...? Don't move, Hacene. +Don't move, Hacene. Why are you afraid? We've always been friends. One might even say that I brought you up ... Isn't it true, Ali? +Why are you afraid? We've always been friends. One might even say that I brought you up ... Isn't it true, Ali? It's true. +It's true. What's happened to you? +What's happened to you? The NLF has condemned you to death. +How much are they paying you? They're not paying me anything. They've already warned you twice; this is the last warning. Decide. +They're not paying me anything. They've already warned you twice; this is the last warning. Decide. What ... What must I decide? +What ... What must I decide? You've got to change occupations, Hacene. Right away! +With an unloaded pistol? I'll explain. +Let's suppose you were a spy. In prison, when the NLF contacts you, you pretend to support the revolution, and then the French help you to escape ... Sure. By shooting at me. +Sure. By shooting at me. Even that could be a trick. You escape, then show up at the address which the brothers in prison gave to you, and so you are able to contact me ... +Even that could be a trick. You escape, then show up at the address which the brothers in prison gave to you, and so you are able to contact me ... I don't even know your name yet ... +I don't even know your name yet ... My name is Kader, Ali ... Saari Kader ... In other words, in order to join the organization, you had to undergo a test. I could have told you to murder the barman, but he's an Algerian ... and the police would let you kill him, even though he is one of theirs. By obeying such an order, you still could have been a double agent. And that's why I told you to kill the French policeman: because the French wouldn't have let you do it. If you were with the police you wouldn't have done it. +But I haven't shot him. You weren't able to. But what's important is that you tried. +You weren't able to. But what's important is that you tried. What's important for me is that you let me risk my life for nothing. +What's important for me is that you let me risk my life for nothing. C'mon ... you're exaggerating. The orders were to shoot him in the back. +C'mon ... you're exaggerating. The orders were to shoot him in the back. I don't do that kind of thing. +I don't do that kind of thing. Then don't complain. +Then don't complain. You still haven't told me why you didn't let me kill him. +You still haven't told me why you didn't let me kill him. Because we aren't ready yet for the French. Before attacking, we must have safe places from which to depart and find refuge. Of course, there is the Casbah. But even the Casbah isn't safe yet. There are too many drunks, pushers, whores, addicts, spies ... people who talk too much ... people who are ready to sell themselves, undecided people. We must either convince them or eliminate them. We must think of ourselves first. We must clean out the Casbah first. Only then will we be able to deal with the French. Do you understand, Ali? +And how many are we? Not enough. +Why? Isn't he sleeping here? No, it's better if he doesn't. The house is filled with new people. +It's better to split up, to increase our chances. We must change hiding places, and change them continually ... In the meantime, we must make new contacts, replace our arrested brothers, reorganize our sections-- Yes, but we must also show them that we still exist. +Yes, but we must also show them that we still exist. Of course. As soon as possible. +Of course. As soon as possible. No, immediately. The people are demoralized. Leave this to me ... +No, immediately. The people are demoralized. Leave this to me ... No. Not you, or any one of us. As long as we are free, the NLF continues to exist in the Casbah. If they manage to take us too, there won't be anything left ... And from nothing comes nothing ... +Go away! Men have two faces: one that laughs and one that cries ... +Can you read? Sure ... +Read it. Here? +Where's Kader? With the others. They are trying to stop the people. +With the others. They are trying to stop the people. Go away. +Be careful now. Unless you know how it works, it's better if you sit on the plank and move forward like this ... Let's try ... +It's good nobody is following us ... It's a question of habit ... +What do you think of the strike, Ali? I think it'll be a success ... +I think it'll be a success ... Yes, I think so too ... It's been organized well ... But what will the French do? +It's clear. They'll do everything possible to make it fail. No, they'll do even more. We've given them the opportunity to do a lot more ... Do you understand what I mean? Starting tomorrow, they won't be groping in the dark any more; every shop and every worker who strikes will be a known enemy, a self-confessed criminal ... And they will be able to pass to the offensive. Have you thought of this? +No ... But Kader told me that you weren't in favor of the strike. +But Kader told me that you weren't in favor of the strike. No, and neither were my men. +No, and neither were my men. Why? +Why? Because they told us that we mustn't use weapons, now, when the time is right. +Because they told us that we mustn't use weapons, now, when the time is right. That's true ... Wars aren't won with terrorism, neither wars nor revolutions. Terrorism is a beginning but afterward, all the people must act ... This is the reason for the strike, and its necessity: to mobilize all Algerians, count them and measure their strength ... +That's true ... Wars aren't won with terrorism, neither wars nor revolutions. Terrorism is a beginning but afterward, all the people must act ... This is the reason for the strike, and its necessity: to mobilize all Algerians, count them and measure their strength ... To show them to the UN, right? +To show them to the UN, right? Yes ... yes. The problem also involves the UN. I don't know what it's worth, but this way, we'll give the UN the possibility of evaluating our strength. +Good evening ... Can we pass? It's too late. No one is allowed to enter the Casbah at this hour. It's impossible. +It's too late. No one is allowed to enter the Casbah at this hour. It's impossible. But it's not even midnight yet! +But it's not even midnight yet! It's ten minutes past midnight. Curfew begins at midnight. +It's ten minutes past midnight. Curfew begins at midnight. Please, we just want to take a short ride. A friend of mine has never seen the Casbah. +Please, we just want to take a short ride. A friend of mine has never seen the Casbah. I'm sorry. Tomorrow. Tonight is out of the question. +Where were we? Intersection, between Consular Street and General Laquiere Avenue ... +Good, thank you, Corbiere... . See you tomorrow. Good evening, sir. +Tell me ... Where is this rue de Thèbes? Rue de Thèbes? In the Upper Casbah, I think ... +Rue de Thèbes? In the Upper Casbah, I think ... All right. See you tomorrow, Corbiere. +All right. See you tomorrow, Corbiere. Good evening, sir. +Mathieu! Mathieu, a name ... A name? +A name? Yes, a name for the operation. +And so the tapeworm no longer has a head. Are you satisfied, Mathieu? In Algiers everything should be over. Yes, I believe there won't be any more talk of the NLF for some time. +Yes, I believe there won't be any more talk of the NLF for some time. Let's hope forever. +Bah, for that matter, Algeria isn't the only country in the world ... Why, yes, of course ... But for the moment, let's be satisfied with Algiers! In the mountains our work is always easier. +Why? For many months, I've had your photo on my desk together with a dozen or so reports on you ... And naturally, I am under the illusion that I know you somewhat. You never seemed the type, Kader, inclined to performing useless actions. +You seem to be very satisfied to have taken me alive ... Of course I am. +Of course I am. That proves that I was wrong. Evidently I credited you with an advantage greater than I should have. +That proves that I was wrong. Evidently I credited you with an advantage greater than I should have. No. Let's just say that you've given me the satisfaction to have guessed correctly. But from the technical point of view, it isn't possible to speak of advantages. By now the game is over. The NLF has been defeated. +What is she saying? She says that Ali is still in the Casbah. +Who is speaking? Mathieu. Colonel Mathieu. +Mathieu. Colonel Mathieu. We don't trust you, colonel. Come forward, show yourself. +Okay. But we want your promise for a fair trial in writing. Give us a written statement, Mathieu, and then we'll surrender. How can I give you this statement? +How can I give you this statement? We'll lower a basket from the window ... +We'll lower a basket from the window ... Okay, I'll make the statement in writing ... +Are you ready, colonel? Yes ... But let me first see you. +How you doin' Mister D? Fine, Charlie. You familiar with the Marsh case? +Yeah -- I hear they had 'em a real dog and pony show going on up there - - I'll tell you, sometimes white people are a real puzzle to me. I mean, did this old guy really think he was gonna be able to keep up with a sweet little number like that? It could've happened to anyone. +It could've happened to anyone. I'm sorry, man -- but I ain't ever heard of no brother dying from gettin' too much pussy. +We have to find out who else would profit from Marsh's death -- and who knew enough about his personal life to know that putting cocaine in the nasal spray would be fatal. So -- where do we start? +So -- where do we start? I want you to hit all the dealers in town. Give them a list of people close to Marsh and see if any of them use. Then I want you to check out a Doctor Alan Paley. He lives up in Roseburg. +Before you ask there's nothing new on the coke. You've got to get me something I can use, Charlie. +You've got to get me something I can use, Charlie. I'm trying. +I've been waiting for you to get back. You got something on the coke? +You got something on the coke? No -- but I got something. +I would have missed it -- but the phone rang and I let it play while I talked. It looks like blank tape -- but it isn't. It's been erased without any input signal coming in. So, what good is it to us if it's been erased? +So, what good is it to us if it's been erased? It's very good -- because when the D.A's office saw it they assumed it was the end of the tape, otherwise they would have buried it. +It's very good -- because when the D.A's office saw it they assumed it was the end of the tape, otherwise they would have buried it. Why? +Why? Because it hasn't all been erased. +I'm sorry to barge in -- but I figured after that bombshell that got laid on you today you could use some good news? You got something on the Coke? +Charlie -- are you going to make a point soon? Right now. Guess who's been buying Coke from him for the last five and half years? +Joanne Braslow is getting more and more interesting. I followed her today to an attorney's office. Joseph Koehler. Joe Koehler. I know him. He's an estate attorney -- and he's very expensive. +Joe Koehler. I know him. He's an estate attorney -- and he's very expensive. What would Joanne Braslow need with an estate attorney? She wasn't even mentioned in Marsh's will. +Here it is! According to the old will Joanne Braslow was to inherit two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. What good does that do -- it's the old will? +What good does that do -- it's the old will? Under the law a person cannot profit from their own wrong doing. Since Rebecca Lawson is the sole beneficiary of the new will, if she is found guilty the will is void and Joanne Braslow could make a very good case to have the old will reinstated. +Under the law a person cannot profit from their own wrong doing. Since Rebecca Lawson is the sole beneficiary of the new will, if she is found guilty the will is void and Joanne Braslow could make a very good case to have the old will reinstated. She kills the old man and makes it look like Miss Lawson did it. Pretty slick. +Take some time off. You think the D.A.'s gonna file on Joanne? +You think the D.A.'s gonna file on Joanne? I don't know. +You did a good job, Charlie. Thanks, Mister D. +I don't think that this is the time, or the place. I just wanted to introduce myself and inform Miss Lawson that there will be an inquiry. +I just wanted to introduce myself and inform Miss Lawson that there will be an inquiry. An inquiry into what? +An inquiry into what? For starters I'd like to know why she left the house and didn't report the death? +For starters I'd like to know why she left the house and didn't report the death? Because he wasn't dead when she left, and even if he was, not reporting a natural death in a timely fashion isn't a crime. +Because he wasn't dead when she left, and even if he was, not reporting a natural death in a timely fashion isn't a crime. Did I say it was a natural death? +Marsh's Cardiologist told me that after Marsh was diagnosed with heart disease he quit smoking, quit drinking and started exercising every day. Does that sound like a guy who'd start shoveling cocaine up his nose? What did he say about Miss Lawson? +What did he say about Miss Lawson? He can remember at least one occasion -- and the receptionist can recall two times when she accompanied Marsh to the office. +So she knew about his heart? Had to. I also interviewed three women who were in past relationships with Marsh. There's no evidence that he had anything but straight sex prior to meeting Miss Lawson. +Had to. I also interviewed three women who were in past relationships with Marsh. There's no evidence that he had anything but straight sex prior to meeting Miss Lawson. What about the will? +What about the will? That's the best part. She gets it all -- everything. +I think I'm going to make your day. How? +Yeah. Then you can go. +About three hours. Cause? +Cause? Not sure. I'll have everything you need tomorrow. +Marsh wasn't alone. We found traces of sperm on the sheets. The toxicology report says there were high levels of cocaine in his blood. What'd he die of? +What'd he die of? The official cause of death was a cardiac arrest. +The official cause of death was a cardiac arrest. The official cause? +The official cause? That's what my report will read. +That's what my report will read. But there's more? +What are you saying, Henry? That his girlfriend fucked him to death? Yes. +What can we prove? We know Marsh had a head cold. We found cocaine mixed with water in a nasal spray container on the nightstand. The coke would contract the nasal membrane the same as any decongestant, but for a much shorter time. He'd keep using more and more -- never knowing what he was taking. +We know Marsh had a head cold. We found cocaine mixed with water in a nasal spray container on the nightstand. The coke would contract the nasal membrane the same as any decongestant, but for a much shorter time. He'd keep using more and more -- never knowing what he was taking. Any prints on the nasal spray? +Cocaine is the last thing a man in his condition would want. Can we put Rebecca Lawson at the scene? +Doctor McCurdy, what was the cause of death? A massive cardiac arrest. +A massive cardiac arrest. What was Mr. Marsh's physical condition prior to his death? +What was Mr. Marsh's physical condition prior to his death? Very poor. He was suffering from severe arterial disease. +Very poor. He was suffering from severe arterial disease. Was the heart attack the result of natural causes? +Was the heart attack the result of natural causes? No. +No. What induced it? +What induced it? We found a high concentration of cocaine in his blood. +We found a high concentration of cocaine in his blood. So, Mr. Marsh used cocaine? +So, Mr. Marsh used cocaine? I don't think so. The membrane in his nasal passage didn't show any sign of long time usage. +I don't think so. The membrane in his nasal passage didn't show any sign of long time usage. Then how did it get into his body? +Then how did it get into his body? We found a bottle of Dristan nasal spray on the nightstand. It was filled with water and cocaine. Mr. Marsh had a head cold at the time of his death. I believe he wasn't aware that he was ingesting cocaine. +Is this the bottle that was found on the nightstand? Yes. +Yes. Your Honor, the State enters this evidence as exhibit A. Were any fingerprints found on the bottle? +Your Honor, the State enters this evidence as exhibit A. Were any fingerprints found on the bottle? Yes -- those of Mr. Marsh and a thumb print of Miss Lawson's. +Yes -- those of Mr. Marsh and a thumb print of Miss Lawson's. Dr. McCurdy, what would cocaine do to someone in Mr. Marsh's condition? +Dr. McCurdy, what would cocaine do to someone in Mr. Marsh's condition? Increase his heart rate. +Increase his heart rate. -- And if he were in the midst of making love while under the influence of cocaine? +-- And if he were in the midst of making love while under the influence of cocaine? It would be an added stress to his heart. +It would be an added stress to his heart. What would be the effect if someone secretly administered cocaine to Mr. Marsh and then induced him to make love? +What would be the effect if someone secretly administered cocaine to Mr. Marsh and then induced him to make love? It would be the same as shooting a gun at him. +It would be the same as shooting a gun at him. Thank you, Doctor McCurdy. Your witness. +Mrs. Crawford, you were Mr. Marsh's maid for nine years? Yes. +Yes. Did Miss Lawson and Mr. Marsh ever argue? +Did Miss Lawson and Mr. Marsh ever argue? Like cats and dogs. +Like cats and dogs. What did they argue about? +What did they argue about? You name it -- they argued about it. Mr. Marsh tried his best to keep her happy -- but it seemed that no matter what he did it was never enough for her. +You name it -- they argued about it. Mr. Marsh tried his best to keep her happy -- but it seemed that no matter what he did it was never enough for her. Did they argue the day before he died? +Did they argue the day before he died? Well -- he died on a Sunday and I have the weekends off -- but they were ripping at each other with both barrels Friday afternoon. +Well -- he died on a Sunday and I have the weekends off -- but they were ripping at each other with both barrels Friday afternoon. What was the nature of the argument? +What was the nature of the argument? Sex. +Sex. Could you be more specific? +Did you ever see Mr. Marsh use cocaine? No -- never. +No -- never. Your witness. +Your Honor, Mr. Roston is an ex-lover of Miss Lawson's. Why didn't the State's investigation uncover Mr. Roston earlier? +Why didn't the State's investigation uncover Mr. Roston earlier? He was away on an extended vacation and just returned two days ago. +He was away on an extended vacation and just returned two days ago. Alright -- I'm going to allow his testimony. +Objection sustained. Did Miss Lawson ever give you any indication why she was leaving? +No questions. You may call your next witness. +Objection, Your Honor. Counsel approach the bench. +That's it. My client doesn't have to take this crap from you. Sit down, Frank. +Sit down, Frank. No. Miss Lawson came in here voluntarily to answer your questions. She doesn't have to sit here and be insulted. So, either you charge her now or we're leaving. +Lookin' to make the papers, John? Marsh left her close to three million dollars in his will. That's motive. She admits to being there the night of his death. That's opportunity -- and her fingerprints are on the nasal spray bottle. +Marsh left her close to three million dollars in his will. That's motive. She admits to being there the night of his death. That's opportunity -- and her fingerprints are on the nasal spray bottle. You can't show intent. +Can you? Take your pole out of the water, Frank. The fish ain't biting today. +Take your pole out of the water, Frank. The fish ain't biting today. You're bluffing. John, it's me, remember? I've known you since your name was Juan Carlos. +C'mon -- think about it. If she was going to kill Marsh why leave the nasal spray bottle there for the police to find? She planned this. She wanted us to find the nasal spray. +She planned this. She wanted us to find the nasal spray. Why would she want that? +Why would she want that? Because she's clever. Because she knows that even if we didn't find it we'd have suspicions as to why a man in Marsh's condition would use cocaine. +Because she's clever. Because she knows that even if we didn't find it we'd have suspicions as to why a man in Marsh's condition would use cocaine. Suspicions maybe -- but suspicions aren't enough for a conviction. +Suspicions maybe -- but suspicions aren't enough for a conviction. The M.E.'s report stated that Marsh's nasal membranes showed no sign of prior cocaine use. Without the nasal spray we would have still treated it as a poisoning. We would have looked for motive and the trail would have still led back to her. +The M.E.'s report stated that Marsh's nasal membranes showed no sign of prior cocaine use. Without the nasal spray we would have still treated it as a poisoning. We would have looked for motive and the trail would have still led back to her. I don't buy it and neither will a jury. +I don't buy it and neither will a jury. We're going all the way on this one, Frank. Tell your client she has until the prelim to cop a plea for murder two -- fifteen to twenty five. +We're going all the way on this one, Frank. Tell your client she has until the prelim to cop a plea for murder two -- fifteen to twenty five. I'll tell her but she won't take it. +I'll tell her but she won't take it. Then she's not as smart as I thought she was. You've seen her in the depositions. Tell me you don't have any doubts? +She's innocent. Aren't they all? +Aren't they all? Yeah. Well -- we'll let the blindfolded lady with the scales decide that. +Your Honor, this is a tape from Miss Lawson's answering machine. I would like to play it now. Objection. Your Honor, we don't know where this tape is from. Who made it -- or under what circumstances it was made. +Your Honor, I fail to see what Mrs Crawford's educational background has to do with this case. I was just about to make my point, Your Honor. +Objection, Your Honor. The fact that Mrs. Crawford heard Mr. Troxell reconstruct her sentence and decided to rephrase her words in a more intelligent manner for the court doesn't mean the incident never happened. I'm just curious to see if Mr. Troxell reconstructed anything else. +I'm just curious to see if Mr. Troxell reconstructed anything else. Your Honor -- please! +I've got work to do. Hey -- the bell's sounded. It's between rounds. +Hey -- the bell's sounded. It's between rounds. I didn't hear it. +What's happening to you, Frank? You're acting like you're on trial here. This has become personal to you. Back off, John. +That's ridiculous. I'm talking to you as a friend now. Don't ruin your life, your career for her. She'll spit you out when this is over. +I'm talking to you as a friend now. Don't ruin your life, your career for her. She'll spit you out when this is over. You don't know what you're talking about. +You don't know what you're talking about. Really? What does an attorney speak to his client about at her house until three o'clock in the morning? +Really? What does an attorney speak to his client about at her house until three o'clock in the morning? You've been following me? +You've been following me? Her. It's an obvious move. I'm building a case against her, remember? +Your Honor, I don't see a Mr. Roston listed as a prosecution witness. The State's investigation just uncovered Mr. Roston yesterday afternoon in Chicago. +Objection. The question calls for a conclusion on the part of the witness. Your Honor, Mr. Roston lived with the defendant for many months. I feel that his opinion is valid in substantiating the character of the Miss Lawson. +Your Honor, Mr. Roston lived with the defendant for many months. I feel that his opinion is valid in substantiating the character of the Miss Lawson. The opinion of a scorned lover is hardly an objective view. +Objection! I'll rephrase the question. Mr. Roston isn't it true you are bisexual? +I'll rephrase the question. Mr. Roston isn't it true you are bisexual? Objection! Mr. Roston's sexual preferences are not at issue in this trial. +Objection! Mr. Roston's sexual preferences are not at issue in this trial. Your Honor, I'm trying to establish the sense of betrayal Miss Lawson felt when she discovered the man she lived with was a different person than she thought he was. +Objection! May I remind Mr. Dulaney that the person on trial here is Miss Lawson -- not Dr. Paley. Your Honor, I'm trying to establish a pattern in Dr. Paley's behavior with women. +Can I go? You get his statement? +Miss Lawson, do you use cocaine? I have. +I have. Did you use it the night Marsh died? +Did you use it the night Marsh died? No. I haven't done it in years. +Were you aware of Mr. Marsh's heart condition? No. +No. Mr. Marsh's Cardiologist and his nurse have told us that you accompanied Mr. Marsh to their office on at least two occasions. +Mr. Marsh's Cardiologist and his nurse have told us that you accompanied Mr. Marsh to their office on at least two occasions. That's correct -- but Andrew never told me he had a heart condition. He said he had a heart arrhythmia and it was nothing serious. +Miss Braslow -- I'm District Attorney John Cardenas. You arrived at what time tonight? A little after eleven. +A little after eleven. Why did you come by? +Why did you come by? I had some papers to pick up. +I had some papers to pick up. Do you know who Mr. Marsh was with? +Do you know who Mr. Marsh was with? I assume his girlfriend. +Her name? Rebecca Lawson. +Rebecca Lawson. You wouldn't know her address, would you? +You wouldn't know her address, would you? No -- but I can get it for you. +No -- but I can get it for you. Thank you. +How long were you Mr Marsh's personal secretary? Six years. +Six years. Did you ever see Mr. Marsh use Cocaine? +Did you ever see Mr. Marsh use Cocaine? No -- never. +No -- never. What about Miss Lawson? +What about Miss Lawson? Yes. +Yes. Tell the court about that, please. +Tell the court about that, please. I opened the bathroom door one day and saw Miss Lawson pouring Cocaine out of a vial. +I opened the bathroom door one day and saw Miss Lawson pouring Cocaine out of a vial. Did you see Mr. Marsh the day before his death? +Did you see Mr. Marsh the day before his death? Yes. +Yes. How did he look? +How did he look? Horrible. He was tired and pale. +Horrible. He was tired and pale. Did you talk about Miss Lawson? +Did you talk about Miss Lawson? Yes. +Yes. What did Mr. Marsh say? +Is it Marsh? Yeah. +Who found him? His Secretary. Joanne Braslow. +His Secretary. Joanne Braslow. She was here? +She was here? No. She stopped by to pick up some papers. +No. She stopped by to pick up some papers. Show me. +Doctor Trammel, when did you first diagnose that Mr. Marsh had heart disease? About a year and half ago. +About a year and half ago. Did Mr. Marsh change his lifestyle after that? +Did Mr. Marsh change his lifestyle after that? Yes -- he stopped smoking and drinking and exercised regularly. +Yes -- he stopped smoking and drinking and exercised regularly. He did everything he could to take care of his heart? +He did everything he could to take care of his heart? Yes. +Did Miss Lawson ever accompany Mr. Marsh to your office? Yes. +Yes. Just one last question. What does the sign on your office door say? +Just one last question. What does the sign on your office door say? Doctor Steven Trammel. Cardiologist. +Mr. Roston, what was your relationship with Miss Lawson? We were lovers. +We were lovers. How long were you together? +How long were you together? For about one year. +For about one year. How would you describe your sex life with Miss Lawson? +How would you describe your sex life with Miss Lawson? Intense. +Intense. I know this is a very personal subject, but could you be a little more specific? +I know this is a very personal subject, but could you be a little more specific? It was wild. She was constantly trying to get me more and more worked up -- kinky things. I tried to satisfy her the best I could, but it was difficult in my condition. +It was wild. She was constantly trying to get me more and more worked up -- kinky things. I tried to satisfy her the best I could, but it was difficult in my condition. What kind of condition are you referring to? +What kind of condition are you referring to? I had a bad heart. +What happened next? I had bypass surgery. +I had bypass surgery. And how are you now? +And how are you now? Fine. The doctors say if I keep taking care of myself I can live to be a very old man. +Fine. The doctors say if I keep taking care of myself I can live to be a very old man. How did your relationship with Miss Lawson progress after the surgery? +How did your relationship with Miss Lawson progress after the surgery? It didn't. +It didn't. Why not? +Why not? She left me. +Why did she say she was leaving? She didn't. She just left. +She didn't. She just left. Why do you think she left you? +Why do you think she left you? Well -- I think that after the operation she realized that... +When you say your sexual relations with Miss Lawson were intense what exactly do you mean? It was like she was trying to push me as far as she could. She called it opening new doors. +It was like she was trying to push me as far as she could. She called it opening new doors. Can you give the court an example? +Can you give the court an example? It was like sex was a game to her. She got off on the control. She always used to tell me it had to be her way. +It's hard to resist a woman as beautiful as she is. What would she do that made it hard to resist? +What would she do that made it hard to resist? She's a woman who is very much aware of her own sexuality. Sometimes I felt she could read my mind. It was uncanny how she knew exactly what I wanted. A few nights before my heart surgery Rebecca woke me. She had handcuffed me to the bed. +She told me that tonight we were going to open new doors. I asked her to stop -- to take off the handcuffs, but she wouldn't listen. What did she say? +Mr. Roston I know this is difficult for you, but it's important you tell the court what she did. She said she was going to fuck me like I've never been fucked before. +What did she do next, Mr. Roston? She started touching herself and telling me how much she wanted me. She reached down and put me inside her. My doctor had warned me about exerting myself -- but you really don't think of those things at a moment like that. You just think about how beautiful this woman is -- how much you want her. How deeply you want to please her. At first it started off slowly -- but the rhythm built and built. Every time I got close to an orgasm she would stop. Eventually I started to have trouble breathing. Rebecca just kept going -- faster and faster. No matter what I said she wouldn't stop. I really thought for a moment I was going to die. +She started touching herself and telling me how much she wanted me. She reached down and put me inside her. My doctor had warned me about exerting myself -- but you really don't think of those things at a moment like that. You just think about how beautiful this woman is -- how much you want her. How deeply you want to please her. At first it started off slowly -- but the rhythm built and built. Every time I got close to an orgasm she would stop. Eventually I started to have trouble breathing. Rebecca just kept going -- faster and faster. No matter what I said she wouldn't stop. I really thought for a moment I was going to die. If you knew it was bad for you why did you do it? +If you knew it was bad for you why did you do it? I couldn't help myself. You get lost inside a women like her. It was like a drug. It was the best sex I ever had. +I couldn't help myself. You get lost inside a women like her. It was like a drug. It was the best sex I ever had. What happened after that? +What happened after that? I woke up the next morning and she was gone. +I woke up the next morning and she was gone. Did you change your will while you were with Miss Lawson? +Yes. Who was your primary beneficiary? +Who was your primary beneficiary? She was. +She was. Thank you. The State rests. +Where did you meet Miss Lawson? At a dinner party -- about eight months ago. +At a dinner party -- about eight months ago. Did you ever see her again after that? +Did you ever see her again after that? Yes -- several times. +Yes -- several times. What eventually happened to your relationship with Miss Lawson? +What eventually happened to your relationship with Miss Lawson? We stopped seeing each other. +We stopped seeing each other. Why? +Why? Well -- I realized that she wasn't interested in me. She was just trying to get information out of me. +What kind of information? She said that she was working on a novel and she wanted to know what kinds of drugs would be harmful to someone with a bad heart. +Did you suggest any? Yes -- Insulin and others. +Yes -- Insulin and others. What did she say? +What did she say? She said that those weren't any good -- because their use would be detected and the police would know the victim had been poisoned. She wanted to know if there was a drug that would induce a heart attack but could also be used to enhance a sexual high. +She said that those weren't any good -- because their use would be detected and the police would know the victim had been poisoned. She wanted to know if there was a drug that would induce a heart attack but could also be used to enhance a sexual high. -- And what did you suggest? +-- And what did you suggest? Cocaine. +Dr. Paley, where were you the last time you saw Miss Lawson? We had dinner at a restaurant. +Isn't it true that later that night you tried to force yourself on Miss Lawson in the parking lot? No. +No. You didn't grab her and try to kiss her? +You didn't grab her and try to kiss her? No. +No. If necessary I can bring in the valet parking attendant and two customers who witnessed the occurrence. +Well -- as I remember it, we had an argument. And the argument was about the fact that you wanted to be romantically involved and she did not. +And the argument was about the fact that you wanted to be romantically involved and she did not. Yes. +Yes. And after that didn't you continuously harass Miss Lawson? +And after that didn't you continuously harass Miss Lawson? No. +You'll be sorry? I was angry. +I was angry. You're still angry, aren't you? Isn't it true that your whole story is nothing more than a vindictive attempt on your behalf to get back at Miss Lawson? +You're still angry, aren't you? Isn't it true that your whole story is nothing more than a vindictive attempt on your behalf to get back at Miss Lawson? No -- she asked me about cocaine. +No -- she asked me about cocaine. I suggest it never happened. +You can suggest anything you want. It happened. No further questions. +I may have been infatuated with her - - but I wouldn't perjure myself. That's all Dr. Paley. +Don't you see what she's doing? She needs you to kill me. She's planned it that way from the start. That's why she phoned me tonight. You called him? +I'm sure that every orgasm she had with me was faked. That's enough. +That's enough. I mean she only screwed me two or three times a night because she had to -- I'm sure she didn't enjoy it. +Dr. Trammel, did you ever speak to Miss Lawson about Mr. Marsh's condition? No. +No. Did Mr. Marsh ever tell you that he had spoken to Miss Lawson about his illness? +Did Mr. Marsh ever tell you that he had spoken to Miss Lawson about his illness? No. +No. Did Miss Lawson ever accompany Mr. Marsh inside during his examinations? +Did Miss Lawson ever accompany Mr. Marsh inside during his examinations? No. +No. Then you have no way of knowing what Mr. Marsh told Miss Lawson were the reasons for his visits? +Then you have no way of knowing what Mr. Marsh told Miss Lawson were the reasons for his visits? No. No, I don't. +Dr. Wong -- what type of medicine do you practice? Oriental medicine. +Oriental medicine. --And is Miss Lawson a patient of yours? +--And is Miss Lawson a patient of yours? Yes. I've been seeing her for over a year. +Yes. I've been seeing her for over a year. Why does she come to you? +Why does she come to you? She suffers from severe menstrual cramps. +Did you ever prescribe any medication for her cramps? Yes. +Yes. What did you prescribe for her? +What did you prescribe for her? Chinese peony root. +Chinese peony root. Would you describe for the court what Chinese peony root looks like? +Would you describe for the court what Chinese peony root looks like? It's a white powder that comes in a vial. +How do you instruct your patients to take it? I tell them to pour an amount the size of a quarter into the their hand and mix it with water. +I tell them to pour an amount the size of a quarter into the their hand and mix it with water. A previous witness stated that she saw Miss Lawson pouring a white powder into her hand on October twenty-eighth. According to your records when did you prescribe the drug? +October twenty-seventh. One last question, Doctor. If someone didn't know better, would it be easy to mistake the peony root for cocaine? +One last question, Doctor. If someone didn't know better, would it be easy to mistake the peony root for cocaine? Yes -- quite easy. +Did you go to college, Mrs. Crawford? No. +No. High school? +High school? No. +I heard him say it. Then -- those are not your own words? +Then -- those are not your own words? No. +No. What else did the District Attorney's Office tell you to say? +Miss Sellers, do you know Dr. Alan Paley? Yes. +Yes. Where did you meet him? +Where did you meet him? I'm a nurse. I used to work at Roseburg Memorial Hospital. Dr. Paley's on staff there. +I'm a nurse. I used to work at Roseburg Memorial Hospital. Dr. Paley's on staff there. What was the nature of your relationship with Dr. Paley. +What was the nature of your relationship with Dr. Paley. We dated for about a month last year. +We dated for about a month last year. Then what happened? +Then what happened? I realized he wasn't serious. He was seeing other women -- asking other nurses at the hospital out, so I ended it. +-- And what did Dr. Paley do after you stopped seeing him? He used to call me -- tell me that I couldn't just walk out on him. He said that if I didn't come back he'd make my life miserable. +He used to call me -- tell me that I couldn't just walk out on him. He said that if I didn't come back he'd make my life miserable. Did he make your life miserable? +Did he make your life miserable? Yes -- he did. +Yes -- he did. How? +What did he say? He laughed -- and basically said he would decide when it was over. +He laughed -- and basically said he would decide when it was over. Do you remember his exact words? +What happened next? While I was seeing Dr. Paley I mentioned to him one night that someone was stealing drugs from the third floor dispensary. Three days after I spoke to him in his office he went to the Head Nurse and told her he had witnessed me stealing drugs. +While I was seeing Dr. Paley I mentioned to him one night that someone was stealing drugs from the third floor dispensary. Three days after I spoke to him in his office he went to the Head Nurse and told her he had witnessed me stealing drugs. What happened? +What happened? There was an inquiry. It was his word against mine. They believed him. I was fired. +I worked for Mr. Marsh for six years. He was a good man -- until she came along. What changed? +What changed? He did. Look, I know you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink -- but you hold a pail of water in front of an old horse for long enough -- and well... +You don't really believe what the district attorney is saying about Miss Lawson, do you? I don't know. It's incredible to think that anyone could be capable of doing that -- but if anyone could it would be Rebecca. +I don't know. It's incredible to think that anyone could be capable of doing that -- but if anyone could it would be Rebecca. I take it you don't like Miss Lawson very much? +I take it you don't like Miss Lawson very much? I really don't know her that well. We would say hello to each other when I would come to the house, but that was about it. +I really don't know her that well. We would say hello to each other when I would come to the house, but that was about it. If you don't know her that well what makes you think she's capable of murder? +If you don't know her that well what makes you think she's capable of murder? Andrew was a kind and gentle man, but he was thirty years older than her. Where's the attraction to sleep with someone like that -- to have the kind of sex they had. +How do you know what kind of sex they had? I wasn't lookin' through the keyhole if that's what you're thinking. I'd come to house sometimes to pick up papers or speak to Andrew. I'd find their little toys all over the place. +I wasn't lookin' through the keyhole if that's what you're thinking. I'd come to house sometimes to pick up papers or speak to Andrew. I'd find their little toys all over the place. Did Mr. Marsh use drugs? +Did Mr. Marsh use drugs? No. +No. What about Miss Lawson? +What about Miss Lawson? Yes -- cocaine. +How do you know that? I was at the house one morning -- I thought Miss Lawson was upstairs with Mr. Marsh. When I went into the guest bathroom she was standing in front of the mirror pouring this white powder out of a vial. +How do you know it was cocaine that Miss Lawson had in the bathroom? What other kind of white powder do people keep in a vial? +What other kind of white powder do people keep in a vial? Do you remember the date when you saw Miss Lawson in the bathroom? +Do you remember the date when you saw Miss Lawson in the bathroom? Yes-- It was on a Friday. I remember because I was going to visit my sister for her birthday. It would be October twenty-eighth. +Yes-- It was on a Friday. I remember because I was going to visit my sister for her birthday. It would be October twenty-eighth. Could you repeat the last part of what Mr. Marsh said to you the day before his death? +Could you repeat the last part of what Mr. Marsh said to you the day before his death? He said that if it kept up she was going to kill him. That his heart couldn't take it. +He said that if it kept up she was going to kill him. That his heart couldn't take it. Didn't Mr. Marsh also tell you that Miss Lawson felt bored here and was thinking about going back to Chicago for awhile? +Yes -- he mentioned it. So, the woman he loved passionately was thinking about leaving. That must cause tremendous anxiety. Sleepless nights. Incredible stress. +So, the woman he loved passionately was thinking about leaving. That must cause tremendous anxiety. Sleepless nights. Incredible stress. I suppose. +I suppose. So, isn't it possible that he was confiding in you about the pain he was feeling about losing what might be his last chance for love? That what he really was saying was that the uncertainty of her leaving was driving him crazy and if it didn't stop it was going to kill him. That if she did leave his heart couldn't take it. +I don't know. I'm not sure. Well, think about it. Isn't it possible? +Well, think about it. Isn't it possible? Yes. I suppose it's possible. +Who told you that? He video taped you. +He video taped you. That bastard! +That bastard! I thought he was a kind, gentle man? +Yes, I slept with him but that was a long time ago. You're lying. Marsh was wearing a cast on the tape. It was right before he went to Chicago and met Miss Lawson. He dumped you for her, didn't he? +Yes. It must have been horrible. Having to go there -- seeing them together - - knowing he was sleeping with her in the same bed he did with you. +It must have been horrible. Having to go there -- seeing them together - - knowing he was sleeping with her in the same bed he did with you. I was jealous. Of course I was hurt. He switched me off like a little toy he was finished playing with. But I didn't kill him. +I'm a practical woman Mr. Dulaney. Killing Andrew wasn't in my best interest. As it is I'm out of a job and I'm not in his will. Money isn't the only reason people commit murder, Miss Braslow. +I've tried it. You've tried it? Isn't it true that you've been in and out of Rehab centers for the last four years? +I've been to a few -- yes. You don't like Miss Lawson much do you? +You don't like Miss Lawson much do you? No. +No. You don't like her because you were involved with Mr. Marsh before she came along. Isn't that true? +You don't like her because you were involved with Mr. Marsh before she came along. Isn't that true? Yes. +Yes. You resented the fact that she told you what to do in Mr. Marsh's house? +You resented the fact that she told you what to do in Mr. Marsh's house? Yes. +And you resented that he cared for her in a way he once cared for you? Yes. +Yes. --And that Mr. Marsh paid less attention to you? +--And that Mr. Marsh paid less attention to you? Yes. +Yes. --and that he changed his will? +--and that he changed his will? Yes. +In his previous will Mr. Marsh left you two hundred and fifty thousand dollars -- then he cut you out. Why do you think he did that? She talked him into it. She wanted everything. +She talked him into it. She wanted everything. Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot of money. That must have made you pretty angry? +Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot of money. That must have made you pretty angry? Yes. +Yes. Well - I'm a little confused. This is a charge receipt from Rosen's Drug Store where Mr. Marsh had an account. It's dated the day of the murder. Is this your signature? +Well - I'm a little confused. This is a charge receipt from Rosen's Drug Store where Mr. Marsh had an account. It's dated the day of the murder. Is this your signature? Yes. +Yes. There's an item you picked up that's marked. Will you read it? +There's an item you picked up that's marked. Will you read it? Dristan nasal spray. +Dristan nasal spray. Would you read for us the time of the purchase? +Would you read for us the time of the purchase? Three fifteen. +Three fifteen. A.M -- or P.M.? +A.M -- or P.M.? P.M. +P.M. You see that's what bothers me. No other bottle of nasal spray was found in the house. The police looked. There was only the one bottle. But you say you didn't arrive until after Mr. Marsh was dead -- yet we know he was using the nasal spray prior to his death. How do you think it got there? +You see that's what bothers me. No other bottle of nasal spray was found in the house. The police looked. There was only the one bottle. But you say you didn't arrive until after Mr. Marsh was dead -- yet we know he was using the nasal spray prior to his death. How do you think it got there? I don't know. +Isn't it true that you stopped by the house after you left the drug store and dropped off the items you bought? No. +No. Isn't it true that you put the cocaine in the bottle? +Isn't it true that you put the cocaine in the bottle? No! Why would I want to kill him? +No! Why would I want to kill him? Because you were jealous. Because he cut you out of the will. Because you have a cocaine habit to feed -- because you know that if Rebecca Lawson is found guilty the new will is void -- and there's a very good chance the old one would be honored. +You take what people say and make it ugly. You make others believe what you want them to. She should have been found guilty. She shouldn't have gotten off. Then you would have gotten your money? +Then you would have gotten your money? Yes. +Yes. You killed him -- didn't you, Joanne? +What do you have in your purse? What do you think I've got? A gun? Maybe I'm gonna kill you too. Maybe I'll blow your head off right now. +I'm gonna go to jail. I know they're gonna make it look like I did it. They gotta put it on someone. Why'd you come here? +Why'd you come here? To show you this. It's a letter from that lawyer, Koehler. He wrote it to me the day after I saw him. He's the one who told me I could get the money if Miss Lawson went to jail. +To show you this. It's a letter from that lawyer, Koehler. He wrote it to me the day after I saw him. He's the one who told me I could get the money if Miss Lawson went to jail. You didn't know about it before that? +You didn't know about it before that? No. +Then why did you go see Mr. Koehler in the first place? Because he called me. +Hi, Joe. Frank -- what are you doing here? +Frank -- what are you doing here? I need to ask you a question. What made you get in touch with Joanne Braslow? +I need to ask you a question. What made you get in touch with Joanne Braslow? You know I can't talk about that. +You know I can't talk about that. I'm not asking for names or specifics. I just want to know what prompted you to make the call? +I'm not asking for names or specifics. I just want to know what prompted you to make the call? Sorry. +Yes. And your sexual tastes were something that you hid from Miss Lawson? +And your sexual tastes were something that you hid from Miss Lawson? Yes. +Yes. And didn't Miss Lawson come home one day and find you in bed with your male lover? +And didn't Miss Lawson come home one day and find you in bed with your male lover? Yes. +Yes. And she left shortly after that? +Would it be fair to say that when she did find out it was a shock to her? Yes. +Yes. No further questions. +Are you going to represent me? There are no charges against you. I'm here to decide if I'm going to represent you should that occur. Did you kill him? +Do you think I did it? I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. +I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. You must have some feeling. Some immediate impression. A young, attractive woman, involved with an older man who leaves her everything in his will. And the things that went on in that house. Such wild sex. What kind of picture does that paint? +You must have some feeling. Some immediate impression. A young, attractive woman, involved with an older man who leaves her everything in his will. And the things that went on in that house. Such wild sex. What kind of picture does that paint? Not a very good one I'm afraid. +And that's exactly what the jury will see when they look at me. That's why I need a very good lawyer, Mr. Dulaney. You're assuming the District Attorney is going to file charges. +He'll file. He's an ambitious man. Ambitious men build their careers on the bodies of others. You still haven't answered my question. +Frank! I'll have you out in a few hours. +I want you to know right now that the trial's going to be nasty. Your sex life is going to be dragged through the mud. They're going to say that you enticed Marsh -- led him down a dark path. Andrew hardly needed leading. He was a very passionate man. He was eager to explore. I gave him what he wanted. We fulfilled each others needs. +Andrew hardly needed leading. He was a very passionate man. He was eager to explore. I gave him what he wanted. We fulfilled each others needs. This is a very small town -- people here have very straight views on sex. +I'm used to being on the outside looking in. The same men who will publicly profess their moral outrage for my sexual tastes are the same ones who privately rest their sweaty little hands on my legs and talk about weekend trips together. Those same men will be sitting on the jury. +Those same men will be sitting on the jury. I am who I am. I can't deny it, anymore than you can deny who you are. I like sex different -- I like it wild. That's not a crime. I loved Andrew. We made love together. We made it differently, but we still made love. It was our way. It was private -- and now the whole world wants to look in through the pretense of justice. If I was some middle-aged divorcee who screwed him once a week do you think this would be happening to me? +Have you ever seen animals make love, Mr. Dulaney? They have such passion -- such savage emotion. They struggle, and snarl, and claw, but neither hurts the other. Not really. No pain, no gain? +No pain, no gain? Something like that. +Something like that. We're not animals. +I think we're getting a little off the subject here. I thought the subject was sex? +I thought the subject was sex? As it pertains to you -- not me. Did you always know you had different... tastes? +As it pertains to you -- not me. Did you always know you had different... tastes? Yes. +Yes. How? +How? I don't know if it's something I can explain to you. +I don't know if it's something I can explain to you. Why not? +Why not? Because -- it's beyond intellect. It's emotion. It's passion. It has to be experienced -- it can't be imagined. +Because -- it's beyond intellect. It's emotion. It's passion. It has to be experienced -- it can't be imagined. Try. +When I was growing up we had a strawberry patch in our backyard. So did this family down the road. I used to sneak in their yard and steal their strawberries. It wasn't easy. The stone walls were high and I'd scrape my knees as I climbed over. On the other side were wild rose bushes. The thorns would dig into my legs and cut my thighs as I lowered myself down. If you had what you wanted at home why did you sneak into their yard? +If you had what you wanted at home why did you sneak into their yard? Because -- somehow the fruit always tasted that much sweeter because of the pain it took to get to it. +How'd you meet Marsh? I was at a cocktail party. Very trendy. Andrew was in Chicago on business. He had broken his wrist the week before and was wearing it in a sling. He looked so helpless. +-- And then? We started talking. In fact, we talked until four in the morning. We discovered we shared a lot of the same interests. After that we were together all the time until he left. He used to call me every night after he came back. Then after a few weeks he invited me to come visit him. I've never left. +We started talking. In fact, we talked until four in the morning. We discovered we shared a lot of the same interests. After that we were together all the time until he left. He used to call me every night after he came back. Then after a few weeks he invited me to come visit him. I've never left. Why didn't you live together? +Can we get out of here? Sure. Where to? +This is your house. I know. +Why not? Because, I'm your attorney. I shouldn't be going to your house. +Because, I'm your attorney. I shouldn't be going to your house. Is it against the law? +Is it against the law? No -- it just doesn't look right. +What do you think? I think the photographer's probably a voyeur. +I think the photographer's probably a voyeur. I'm the photographer. +I'm the photographer. Oh -- Well, they're different. +Oh -- Well, they're different. That's not an answer. +That's not an answer. It's not my taste. +It's not my taste. Tastes can change. +Nothing. Not true. Shall I tell you what you were thinking? You were wondering if I was wearing anything under my skirt. +Hello? Hi. It's Frank. +Hi. It's Frank. Hi, Frank. +Hi, Frank. I just wanted to see if my secretary called to confirm your appointment tomorrow. +I just wanted to see if my secretary called to confirm your appointment tomorrow. Yes -- she did. +Yes -- she did. Great. I'll see you at the office at nine. +Great. I'll see you at the office at nine. No -- not at the office. I've got a better idea. +Yeah. Andrew loved this old cabin. He always dreamed about moving to Tahiti -- living in a hut and becoming a beach-bum. I could never imagine myself doing that -- but somehow when he talked about it, he made it sound so alive - - so wonderful. Soft ocean breezes and beautiful sunsets -- leaving the world and it's problems behind. I wish he'd had a chance to do it. +Sorry. It's okay. +Tell me about Doctor Paley? I hardly know him. He wanted me and he couldn't have me. +I hardly know him. He wanted me and he couldn't have me. It's going to be hard to convince a jury that he's testifying against you in a murder trial because you blew him off. +It's going to be hard to convince a jury that he's testifying against you in a murder trial because you blew him off. It won't be that hard. +Did you always want to be a lawyer? No -- I wanted to be a professional hockey player. +No -- I wanted to be a professional hockey player. Really? +Really? Yeah. +Yeah. That seems so far away from who you are now. What happened? +That seems so far away from who you are now. What happened? I broke my ankle skating. That ended that dream. +I broke my ankle skating. That ended that dream. It's hard to let go of a dream, isn't it? To let go of what you want? +Yes -- it would be nice. What would? +What would? You and me -- making love. +You and me -- making love. Is that what you think I was thinking? +Is that what you think I was thinking? No -- that's what I know you were thinking. +There's nothing wrong in admitting that you want me, Frank. You take a lot for granted. +You lied to me! What? +What? I just left Joanne Braslow. She told me she saw you doing cocaine at Marsh's house! +I just left Joanne Braslow. She told me she saw you doing cocaine at Marsh's house! She's mistaken. +She's mistaken. That's not good enough, Goddamit! +That's not good enough, Goddamit! It isn't true. You have to believe me. +It isn't true. You have to believe me. No, I don't have to believe you. The jury has to believe you and answers like he's lying or she's mistaken aren't going to convince them. +No, I don't have to believe you. The jury has to believe you and answers like he's lying or she's mistaken aren't going to convince them. I don't use cocaine anymore. If she says she saw me doing it she's lying. +I don't use cocaine anymore. If she says she saw me doing it she's lying. Why would she lie? +Why would she lie? I don't know, Frank -- but don't you think that's something we should find out? +I called you all weekend. Where were you? I went out on the boat. +Alone? Of course. +You were brilliant today. It's only the beginning. +Can I see you later? You can see me now. +Something wrong? Paley could be a problem tomorrow. +I'm sure you'll be able to handle him. I'm glad you have such confidence in me. +I'm glad you have such confidence in me. Don't worry about Paley. He can't touch me. No one can. I've thought it all out. +Don't worry about Paley. He can't touch me. No one can. I've thought it all out. What does that mean? You've been thinking about the case? Or you thought everything out before you killed Marsh? +Sugar or honey? Honey. +Rebecca -- take these off. Tonight we open new doors. +What are you going you doing? Are you scared? +What's that for? To celebrate how masterfully you destroyed Roston today. +To celebrate how masterfully you destroyed Roston today. Rebecca -- we shattered a man's life in open court. +Rebecca -- we shattered a man's life in open court. Fuck him! He tried to shatter mine. +Fuck him! He tried to shatter mine. He was only doing what he thought was right. +He was only doing what he thought was right. You're too weak, Frank. When you want something you have to do what- ever it takes to get it. If something gets in your way you remove it. +You killed him -- didn't you? I knew you were thinking that. I could see it in your eyes today in the courtroom. You're wrong, Frank. I need you to believe that. +I knew you were thinking that. I could see it in your eyes today in the courtroom. You're wrong, Frank. I need you to believe that. You don't need anybody. +You don't need anybody. I do need you. No matter what you think of me -- I didn't do it. +I'm dropping the case. No -- you're not. +You can think whatever you want, Frank -- but I didn't kill Andrew, and I'm not going to prison for something I didn't do. You're a monster. +You're a monster. No -- I'm a survivor. +Hello? Frank -- It's Rebecca. I need to see you right away. I've got the tape. +You killed him. You killed him -- and I got you off. That's crazy. +I've been thinking about that. I've decided to give it to you after I've collected the inheritance. You can take that one if you want -- but there's another copy. That wasn't the deal. +That wasn't the deal. So, sue me. Things have changed. I think you should go home -- and after you leave I see no reason for us to ever have contact again. +So, sue me. Things have changed. I think you should go home -- and after you leave I see no reason for us to ever have contact again. I'm not leaving without that tape. +I'm not leaving without that tape. Don't push me, Frank. I might lose my temper and send it out just for spite. +She's right, Paley. You've got to kill me. She doesn't have to -- she's free -- she can't be tried again -- but you, you planned it with her. You supplied the Coke. You're an accessory to murder. Shoot him. +No -- he's lying. How's it supposed to work Rebecca? You and Paley celebrate your victory. You get me over here and provoke a fight so he has to rush in and save you -- but then he's given himself away as your accomplice -- now he has to kill me. After that I figure she'll tell the Police that you broke in. That you were crazed because we humiliated you in court? +How's it supposed to work Rebecca? You and Paley celebrate your victory. You get me over here and provoke a fight so he has to rush in and save you -- but then he's given himself away as your accomplice -- now he has to kill me. After that I figure she'll tell the Police that you broke in. That you were crazed because we humiliated you in court? Don't listen to him. Can't you see he's trying to turn you against me. +Andrew Marsh was a very wealthy man. A trial like this is going to put Cardenas in the spot-light. We've already got press arriving from over the country and she hasn't even been charged yet. Cardenas wants to see her in his office tomorrow at ten. I'd like you to go with her. +We've already got press arriving from over the country and she hasn't even been charged yet. Cardenas wants to see her in his office tomorrow at ten. I'd like you to go with her. I'm supposed to be on vacation. +I know -- but she wants you to represent her if Cardenas files. Why? +Why? Because I told her you were the best criminal attorney we have. +Because I told her you were the best criminal attorney we have. Raymond, I'm the only criminal attorney you have. +Raymond, I'm the only criminal attorney you have. Well, I guess that makes you the best. Look, Frank -- she stands to inherit three million dollars. As executors of the estate and her attorneys that could generate a lot of legal fees for us. All I'm asking you to do is talk to her. +Alright, I'll talk to her She's waiting in the conference room. +What are they saying? The kids at school say she humped Mr. Marsh to death. +The kids at school say she humped Mr. Marsh to death. Hey, you know better than that. What did I teach you to say when someone is accused of doing something? +Hey, you know better than that. What did I teach you to say when someone is accused of doing something? She allegedly humped him to death? +You know how it is sometimes when you're out playing ball with your friends? How you're really concentrating on what you're doing -- and you lose track of time and you come home late and Mom yells at you? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, that's kind of how I am right now. +Well, that's kind of how I am right now. Is Mom yelling at you too? +I love you. I love you too, Dad. +Michael -- get off the phone. Why? +Why? Because I'm expecting a call. +Because I'm expecting a call. -- But it's Sunday. +-- But it's Sunday. I know what day it is! Get off the phone. +I know what day it is! Get off the phone. I gotta go. I'll call you later. +Do it quickly, Mr. Dulaney. """Discourteous insinuations about his sexual abilities."" Who told you to say that?" +Mr. Dulaney, before you cast aspersions on the District Attorney's Office by suggesting they've coaxed this witness to say things that aren't true -- you better have more than a hunch. Do you? No, Your Honor. +No, Your Honor. Maybe you don't know what it's like where Mrs. Crawford comes from -- but I do. I came from a neighborhood just like hers. This is a whole other world for her. She's a poor working woman who has been thrust into a room full of highly educated and mostly unsympathetic people. So, she puts on her best dress, fixes her hair and tries to present herself as intelligently as possible. Being poor and having pride is not a crime, Mr. Dulaney -- and before you attempt to impeach another witness' testimony in my courtroom -- your foundations better be based on something other than semantics. +But Your Honor-- That's it, Mr. Dulaney. Take a seat. +Objection. The witness has already stated that Miss Lawson left without an explanation. Mr. Cardenas, I suggest you move on to another line of questioning. +The witness will answer the question. Mr. Roston? +Miss Braslow, I'd like to remind you that you are still under oath. How often do you use cocaine? +Your Honor -- the prosecution has introduced cocaine as one of the contributing reasons Mr. Marsh died. How it may have been introduced into the household is of vital importance. Are you able to back up this allegation -- or are you fishing? +Are you able to back up this allegation -- or are you fishing? I can back it up. +I can back it up. You better. Please answer the question. +You're on vacation, remember? You're supposed to be relaxing. I am relaxing. +I am relaxing. This is not relaxing. +This is not relaxing. Really? +Really? Really. +Really. And I suppose you're going to show me how to relax? +And I suppose you're going to show me how to relax? If you want me to. +If you want me to. I'm always open to learning new things. +Can't it wait? No -- it has to be done by tomorrow. +Hello?... Hi Raymond.... What?... Well, I was sort of planning on... Alright... Okay, goodbye. That was Sattler. He thinks the D.A.'s going to file on Rebecca Lawson. He wants me in the office tomorrow morning. We're supposed to go to the lake. +We're supposed to go to the lake. I know. What can I do? He is the boss. +I know. What can I do? He is the boss. He could let you have your vacation. +I swear -- the both of you. Some example you set. Some example you set. +How can Cardenas possibly think he can build a case against two consenting adults? He must have something or he wouldn't be pressing so hard. +He must have something or he wouldn't be pressing so hard. If he files are you going to take the case? +If he files are you going to take the case? I don't know yet. I want to hear what she says at her statement tomorrow. +I don't know yet. I want to hear what she says at her statement tomorrow. What's she like? +What's she like? Attractive. Bright. Distant. Charming when she wants to be. +She sounds like quite a woman. Yeah -- but can she cook? +Humped Yes. +Yes. I can think of worse ways to go-- +Frank -- I know you're busy, but Michael asked me after dinner if you were angry with him. He wanted to know why you weren't talking to him. I'll talk to him later. +I'll talk to him later. Why don't you talk to him now? +Why don't you talk to him now? Because I go to trial in seven weeks. I've got a lot of preparing to do. +Because I go to trial in seven weeks. I've got a lot of preparing to do. No one's asking you not to work. I just think you could make some time for your son. +Is that alright, Frank? Yeah -- fine. Excuse me. I'll be right back. +Yeah -- what are you doing up? We have to talk. +We have to talk. What's wrong? +What's wrong? That's what I was hoping you'd tell me. +Sharon, it's late. Can we get to the point? Where have you been? +Working. Charlie and I were going over some statements. Charlie called at eleven thirty looking for you. You were with her, weren't you? +Charlie called at eleven thirty looking for you. You were with her, weren't you? Yes. +Yes. Why did you lie to me? +Why did you lie to me? Because I knew you'd think exactly what you're thinking. +This isn't a courtroom. Don't try to turn this around on me. I'm not. +I'm not. You're sleeping with her, aren't you? +You're sleeping with her, aren't you? No. +No. It's bad enough that you are. It's even worse that you can stand here and lie to me. +I was thinking that when the trial is over we'd all go skiing for a weekend. Maybe it would be a good idea if you just took Michael. +I know. Talk to me. +You wouldn't like what you'd see. You don't know me anymore. I don't know me anymore. We can't pretend this isn't happening. +We can't pretend this isn't happening. Please -- not now. +Please -- not now. Why didn't you come to me? +Why didn't you come to me? I don't know. +I don't know. You used to like to touch me -- to make love to me. +You used to like to touch me -- to make love to me. It's more involved than that. +It's more involved than that. It was a place to start. +It was a place to start. You think that's the answer? Sex? Is that what you want? You want me to make love to you? +You think that's the answer? Sex? Is that what you want? You want me to make love to you? I don't want our lives ruined because of this. I love you, Frank. I want this to work -- but you have to help me. You have to come back from where ever it is you are. +Frank -- stop it! Stop it! Is this what you want -- huh? Is it? +Albert's got the stomach flu. That's too bad. +That's too bad. No, it's not. Now I get to pitch. +No, it's not. Now I get to pitch. Michael, you shouldn't be happy when someone else isn't feeling well. +Michael, you shouldn't be happy when someone else isn't feeling well. Not even if they're a dork? +Not even if they're a dork? Not even if they're a dork. You should go by and see how he's feeling. +Don't use language like that at the dinner table. Sorry. +Let me go! Godammit, Frank let go! Daddy -- stop it! +I didn't know that Andrew was dead until Mr. Sattler called me at home that night. We have a witness who saw you go into the house at four thirty. +Yes. What time did you leave? +What time did you leave? Six thirty -- and he was very much alive. +Did Marsh use it? No -- never. +No -- never. It had to get there somehow. +It had to get there somehow. It didn't get there from me. +No, we just had lunch at the hotel with my brother and his new wife. She told me all the dirt. I forgot how interesting things can get around here. It was so good to see them. The last time we visited they were in Europe. He is doing so well. He ordered champagne. For lunch! I nearly died. I nearly died when we split the bill. +I nearly died when we split the bill. Michael doesn't understand. People who make the kind of money my brother makes don't carry money on them. They keep it all in various accounts. +Michael doesn't understand. People who make the kind of money my brother makes don't carry money on them. They keep it all in various accounts. Then we should have had lunch at the bank. +Boy. It sure has been a long time. We were here two Christmases ago. +We were here two Christmases ago. Well, that's a long time. +Well, that's a long time. It's not that long. +It's not that long. "Well, why don't I just say black so you can say white! Don't be surprised to find your brother hasn't changed an iota. He hardly ever talks and when he does it's in that tone! You should have heard him at lunch -- not two words until the bill came and then he says, ""Worth every penny.""" +"Well, why don't I just say black so you can say white! Don't be surprised to find your brother hasn't changed an iota. He hardly ever talks and when he does it's in that tone! You should have heard him at lunch -- not two words until the bill came and then he says, ""Worth every penny.""" SO! +SO! You said it in that tone! Like you were angry at me, my brother, at the world for forcing you to eat a nice lunch! +You said it in that tone! Like you were angry at me, my brother, at the world for forcing you to eat a nice lunch! Oh Jesus. +Oh Jesus. I simply can not stand that tone! +My Jewish friend's grandmother did. Well, no one in my family did! Dad bought cemetery plots at Oak Ridge. One for him, one for mom. +Not to mention people driving over her and doggies doing their business -- We're not doing it! I'm not even sure it's Christian. +We're not doing it! I'm not even sure it's Christian. Maybe it's an Italian thing. Their mother was Italian. +Maybe it's an Italian thing. Their mother was Italian. Doesn't matter. Move on. +It's a beautiful picture of her. Why are there two deeds here? +I don't mind waiting. Well, there's a lot of boring stuff to do. Lists of people we have to write to. Find mama's relatives addresses in Italy -- stuff like that. +Well, there's a lot of boring stuff to do. Lists of people we have to write to. Find mama's relatives addresses in Italy -- stuff like that. Well, I can help. +Well, I can help. I said NO! +I am so sick and tired of apologizing and not knowing what I've done! I'm sure you haven't done anything. Have some iced tea. How are the kids? +Eeeww! I know. I don't understand it either. +How bizarre! Mr. Peterson, are you sure mama wrote all this? +Oh, just a old letter from a friend. No treasure maps, huh? +No treasure maps, huh? No. +I do not need instructions from you to bathe! I knew you'd do this! I knew I'd come all the way here and be shut out as usual! I came to be here for you! I didn't have to come! Lord knows I was never much welcome in this house before. Apparently dead or alive, nothing's changed. Aw, Betty. +Carolyn -- you want these candlesticks? No. You can have them. +Explain to me again why we didn't do this in Des Moines in an air conditioned office? Mom's orders. +Mom's orders. Lawyer here? +Lawyer here? I have some sandwich fixings if you're hungry. +He dropped them off at Betty's mom. Where's Steve? He's not coming. +I thought everything WAS arranged. Well, there's a problem. +Well, there's a problem. What problem? +I remember a Mrs. Delaney but Mama told me years ago she died. Well, I don't care if it's legal or not, we're not cremating her and throwing her all over some bridge where we can't even go visit her because she's going to be blown all over the place like an ashtray. +Yeah. Michael. +Michael. What?! +What?! Come here a minute. +"""-- going over and over in my mind every detail, every moment of our time together and I ask myself, ""What happened to me in Madison County?"" I struggle to put it together in a way that allows me to continue knowing we're on separate roads. But then I look through the lens of my camera, and you're there. I start to write an article and I find myself writing it to you. It's clear to me now we have been moving towards each other, towards those four days, all our lives --" Goddamn sonofabitch! I don't want to hear anymore! Sonofabitch! Burn the damn thing! I don't want to hear it! Throw it away! +What's he saying now? Well, he just gets on about how if mama ever needed him, she could find him through the National Geographic magazine. He as a photographer. He promises not to write again. Then all it says is... I love you... Robert. +Well, he just gets on about how if mama ever needed him, she could find him through the National Geographic magazine. He as a photographer. He promises not to write again. Then all it says is... I love you... Robert. Robert! Jesus! I'll kill him. +Robert! Jesus! I'll kill him. That would be some trick. He's already dead. That's what this other letter is. From his attorney. He left most of his things to mama and requested... +That would be some trick. He's already dead. That's what this other letter is. From his attorney. He left most of his things to mama and requested... What? +What? That he be cremated and his ashes thrown on Roseman Bridge. +That he be cremated and his ashes thrown on Roseman Bridge. DAMN HIM! I knew mama wouldn't have thought of that herself. It was some damn perverted... photographic mind influencing her! When did the bastard die? +DAMN HIM! I knew mama wouldn't have thought of that herself. It was some damn perverted... photographic mind influencing her! When did the bastard die? '82. +'82. Wait a minute! That was thirty years after daddy. Do you think...? +Wait a minute! That was thirty years after daddy. Do you think...? I don't know. I'm completely in the dark here. That's what I get for moving away. +I don't know. I'm completely in the dark here. That's what I get for moving away. This happened way before we both got married. I... I can't believe it. You think she had sex with him? +My Lord. It must feel real nice living inside your head with Peter Pan and the Easter Bunny. Don't talk to me like that. She was my mother for Christsakes. And now I find out she was... She was a --! +Don't talk to me like that. She was my mother for Christsakes. And now I find out she was... She was a --! Don't say that! +Don't say that! Well, what am I supposed to think? +Well, what am I supposed to think? I can't believe she never told me? We spoke at least once a week. How could she do that? +I can't believe she never told me? We spoke at least once a week. How could she do that? How did she meet him? Did Dad know? Anything else in that envelope? +How did she meet him? Did Dad know? Anything else in that envelope? No, I don't think so. I -- +I can't believe she's making jokes. "Sshhh. ""After going through the safety deposit box, I'm sure you'll find you're way to this letter. It's hard to write this to my own children. I could let this die with the rest of me, I suppose. But as one gets older, one fears subside. What becomes more and more important is to be known -- known for all that you were during this brief stay. Row said it seems to me to leave this earth without hose you love the most ever really knowing who you were. It's easy for a mother to love her children no matter what -- it's something that just happens. I don't know if it's as simple for children. You're all so busy being angry at us for raising you wrong. But I thought it was important to give you that chance. To give you the opportunity to love me for all that I was...""" +Grateful!? """... It's all there in the three notebooks. Read them in order. If you don't want to, I suppose that's okay too. But in that case I want you to know something -- I never stopped loving your father. He was a very good man. It's just that my love for Robert was different. He brought out something in me no one had ever brought out before, or since. He made me feel like a woman in a way few women, maybe more, ever experience...""" +"""... It's all there in the three notebooks. Read them in order. If you don't want to, I suppose that's okay too. But in that case I want you to know something -- I never stopped loving your father. He was a very good man. It's just that my love for Robert was different. He brought out something in me no one had ever brought out before, or since. He made me feel like a woman in a way few women, maybe more, ever experience...""" That's it! +What are you doing? This is crazy. She waits till she's dead to tell us all this. Well, I got news for you. She was my mother. That's enough for me. I don't have to know who she was. +This is crazy. She waits till she's dead to tell us all this. Well, I got news for you. She was my mother. That's enough for me. I don't have to know who she was. Well, I'd like to read them. +Well, I'd like to read them. No. We're going to lock this up and -- +No. We're going to lock this up and -- STOP IT! I want to read them! If you don't want to, then just leave. But don't you push me around like I'm some mule you paid for -- I already GOT A HUSBAND! +He's getting her drunk. That's what happened. Jesus, maybe he forced himself. That's why she couldn't tell us. Oh, he did not. He's such a nice guy. +Oh, he did not. He's such a nice guy. Nice? He's trying to sleep with somebody's wife. +Nice? He's trying to sleep with somebody's wife. I don't think so. Not yet anyway. And besides, something like that doesn't make you a bad person. He reminds me of Steve in a way. Steve's weak, immoral and a liar but he's still a real nice guy. He just shouldn't be married. At least not to me. You getting hungry? I'm hungry. +I had no idea it's gotten that bad, sis. Oh, don't feel sorry for me. Please. No one's forcing me to stay. +Oh, don't feel sorry for me. Please. No one's forcing me to stay. Then why do you? +Then why do you? And do what? Live alone? Go back to school? Find someone else? Start a magazine for confused woman? ... What if I can't do any of those things? +Bar across the street. Have you called Betty? Maybe you should. +Have you called Betty? Maybe you should. I found out who Lucy Delaney is. Remember the Delaneys from Hillcrest Road? +I found out who Lucy Delaney is. Remember the Delaneys from Hillcrest Road? Yeah. But I thought she died. +Yeah. But I thought she died. He remarried. Apparently they were having an affair for years. Apparently the first Mrs. Delaney was a bit of a stiff. +He remarried. Apparently they were having an affair for years. Apparently the first Mrs. Delaney was a bit of a stiff. You mean -- she didn't like sex? +You mean -- she didn't like sex? I bet mom could've helped her. +I bet mom could've helped her. Boy. All these years I've resented not living the wild life in some place like Paris and all the time I could've moved back to Iowa... Are you drunk? +Boy. All these years I've resented not living the wild life in some place like Paris and all the time I could've moved back to Iowa... Are you drunk? Not yet. You want to go? +Not yet. You want to go? I think I better. Between the book and the coffee, I'm this close to raping the busboy. +I used to love this place. I used to take Kathy Reynolds down here. You never dated Kathy Reynolds! +You never dated Kathy Reynolds! "Not officially. Her and Steve Kendall were pinned at birth. But I was crazy about her. And for about three months, I managed to catch her during her ""exploring"" stage." +"Not officially. Her and Steve Kendall were pinned at birth. But I was crazy about her. And for about three months, I managed to catch her during her ""exploring"" stage." I never knew that. +I never knew that. Nobody did. +Nobody did. Was this during Betty? +Was this during Betty? Everything was during Betty. God we were so young. Why did we think we had to do it all so fast? I've never cheated on Betty. Not once we were married, I mean. +Everything was during Betty. God we were so young. Why did we think we had to do it all so fast? I've never cheated on Betty. Not once we were married, I mean. Did we want to? +Did we want to? "Only about a thousand times. What do I do now? ""What's good enough for mom is good enough for me?""" +"Only about a thousand times. What do I do now? ""What's good enough for mom is good enough for me?""" What gets me is I'm 46 years old. I've been in this crummy fucking marriage - +What gets me is I'm 46 years old. I've been in this crummy fucking marriage - Carolyn! +Carolyn! -- for over twenty years because that's what I was taught -- you stick with it! Normal people don't get divorced. I can't remember the last time my husband made love to me so intensely that he transported me to Europe, for Christ's sake -- quite frankly, I don't think he ever did! And now I find out in between bake sales, my mother was Anais Nin! +-- for over twenty years because that's what I was taught -- you stick with it! Normal people don't get divorced. I can't remember the last time my husband made love to me so intensely that he transported me to Europe, for Christ's sake -- quite frankly, I don't think he ever did! And now I find out in between bake sales, my mother was Anais Nin! What about me! I feel really weird. Like she cheated on me, not dad. Isn't that sick? I don't mean I wanted to sleep with her or anything but -- ya know -- being the only son. You're sort of made to feel like you're the prince of the kingdom, ya know? And in the back of your mind, you kind of think your mother doesn't need sex anymore because she has you. +What about me! I feel really weird. Like she cheated on me, not dad. Isn't that sick? I don't mean I wanted to sleep with her or anything but -- ya know -- being the only son. You're sort of made to feel like you're the prince of the kingdom, ya know? And in the back of your mind, you kind of think your mother doesn't need sex anymore because she has you. You're right -- that is sick. +Mrs. Delaney. Did you hear the latest? No, what? +See. Money don't buy happiness. I must say, she's taking it well. I'd kill him. Him and that Redfield woman. Together. First one then the other. And then I'd laugh. +I'd kill him. Him and that Redfield woman. Together. First one then the other. And then I'd laugh. I'd laugh first then I'd kill them. Make sure they heard me laughing. +She's changed. Oh, yes. +Oh, yes. She used to be so friendly. +"My niece had ""the changes"" when she was thirty-one." No. What a tragedy. What happened? +No. What a tragedy. What happened? She changed. +Oh, this heat! Times like this I wish we took that offer from your brother and moved on up to Michigan. They got heat in Michigan. +They got heat in Michigan. Not this kind of heat. +Not this kind of heat. Heat is heat. +Heat is heat. Heat is not heat! There's different kinds! And this heat is much hotter than what they got in Michigan. You go and call your brother and see if he don't say the same thing. +Heat is not heat! There's different kinds! And this heat is much hotter than what they got in Michigan. You go and call your brother and see if he don't say the same thing. I'll get right on it. +Well, nobody put a gun to his head. Oh, shut up! It's the woman who's in control of these situations. Men don't know which end is up till a woman points. +"What do you know about ""the changes""?" Well, I didn't know they was a secret club. +Well, I didn't know they was a secret club. "Don't talk about what you don't know. Besides, she's too young for ""the changes.""" +Madge? "Hi. I made some brown betty. I sent Floyd off to town with the boy. I said - ""Floyd, I'm going to visit my girlfriend and spend the afternoon and that's all there is to it. He said who's going to make lunch? I said I'm taking a sick day. Eat at the dinner."" Isn't that hilarious? He didn't dare raise an eyebrow -- I don't even want to tell you how late he was out last night with those good for nothings from the Sandford ranch. I am so sorry, honey, I let two days pass before I came by, but with the boy home the time just escapes me. Have you heard from Richard? How's the fair? God, it's hot." +Madge. Please. Something's happened. I've met someone. I've fallen in love in a way I've never thought could happen my entire life. It's our last day together. I feel like I'm going to die when he leaves. Please. Help me. Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. But you've got to be grateful for even feeling the little you've be given. Believe me. Go to him. Don't let him leave without these new precious hours you've got left. And if you need anyone to cry on, you know where I am. +I don't know. I woke up a little dizzy. I didn't sleep well. I think I need to lay down. You want me to call the doctor? +You want me to call the doctor? No, no. I just didn't sleep well. I'm not used to sleeping alone. And this heat. Would you mind? +No, no. I just didn't sleep well. I'm not used to sleeping alone. And this heat. Would you mind? No, of course not. I'll just clean up. +No, of course not. I'll just clean up. No, leave it. I'll do it later. Listen, maybe you and Floyd can come for dinner on Saturday. I'm sure Richard'll have so many stories to tell you both about the fair and all. +No, leave it. I'll do it later. Listen, maybe you and Floyd can come for dinner on Saturday. I'm sure Richard'll have so many stories to tell you both about the fair and all. Oh, that'll be nice. +Are you supposed to be in Iowa? Yeah. +Roseman Bridge? That's it. +That's it. Well, you're pretty close. It's only about two miles from here. +Well, you're pretty close. It's only about two miles from here. Oh, terrific. Which way? +If I'm not taking you away from anything. No. I was just going to have some iced tea then split the atom, but that can wait. I just have to get my shoes. +Pretty country. Hmm-mmm. +There's a wonderful smell about Iowa -- very particular to this part of the country. Do you know what I mean? No. +No. I can't describe it. I think it's from the loam in the soil. This very rich, earthy kind of... alive... No. No, that's not right. Can you smell it? +I can't describe it. I think it's from the loam in the soil. This very rich, earthy kind of... alive... No. No, that's not right. Can you smell it? Maybe it's because I live here. +Maybe it's because I live here. That must be it. It's a great smell. +Are you from Washington originally? Uh-huh. Lived there till I was twenty or so and then moved to Chicago when I got married. +Uh-huh. Lived there till I was twenty or so and then moved to Chicago when I got married. Oh. When did you move back? +Oh. When did you move back? After the divorce. +After the divorce. Oh. +Oh. How long you been married? +How long you been married? Uh... uh... Umm... long time. +Uh... uh... Umm... long time. You don't look like a native, if you don't mind my saying so. +You don't look like a native, if you don't mind my saying so. No, I don't mind. I'm not from here. I was born in Italy. +No, I don't mind. I'm not from here. I was born in Italy. Well, from Italy to Iowa -- that's a story! Whereabouts in Italy? +Well, from Italy to Iowa -- that's a story! Whereabouts in Italy? Small town on the Eastern side no one's ever heard of called Bari. +Small town on the Eastern side no one's ever heard of called Bari. Oh yeah, Bari. I've been there. +Oh yeah, Bari. I've been there. No, really? +No, really? Oh, yeah. Actually, I had an assignment in Greece and I had to go through Bari to get the boat at Brindisi. But it looked so pretty I got off and stayed for a few days. Breathtaking country. +You just... got off the train because it looked pretty? Yeah. Excuse me a sec. +So, how long you've been living here? Long. You just got off the train and stayed without knowing anyone there? +Long. You just got off the train and stayed without knowing anyone there? Yeah. +This won't take long. I'm shooting tomorrow morning. I just need to do some prep work. I don't mind waiting. +This time of year. Would you do me a favor and go to the truck? Inside that leather bag with the pockets is a package of lens cleaners. Would you grab me one? +Oh there you are. Oh! You caught me. +Men sill give women flowers, don't they? I mean, as a sign of appreciation? I'm not that out of date, am I? No, not at all -- except those are poisonous. +No, not at all -- except those are poisonous. WHAT! +Are you by nature a sadistic person? No, I'm not. I don't know why I said that. I've been in a very... strange mood all day. I've never done anything like that before. It's... I'm just... Well, you know, the whole world is just going nuts. +Looking for something in particular? There's not much of a selection. I found this Chicago station before. Wait a minute... Here it is. +Oh, that's nice. Want another cigarette? +Want another cigarette? Sure. +Well, thank you for all your help, Mrs. Johnson. Francesca. +Francesca. Francesca. Robert. +Lemon? Sure. +Mind if I smoke? Not at all. +Sure you want to keep those in the house? I'm so sorry about that. It was rude. I think I just got nervous for some reason. +I'm so sorry about that. It was rude. I think I just got nervous for some reason. I thought it was funny. +Where are you staying while you're here? A little place with cabins. The something-Motor Inn. I haven't checked in yet. +A little place with cabins. The something-Motor Inn. I haven't checked in yet. And how long are you here for? +And how long are you here for? As long as it takes, I might stay a week. No more I don't think. Where's your family? +As long as it takes, I might stay a week. No more I don't think. Where's your family? My husband took the kids to the Illinos State Fair. My daughter's entering a prize steer. +My husband took the kids to the Illinos State Fair. My daughter's entering a prize steer. Oh. How old? +Oh. How old? About a year and a half. +About a year and a half. No, your kids. +No, your kids. Oh. Michael's 17 and Carolyn's 16. +Oh. Michael's 17 and Carolyn's 16. Must be nice having kids. +Everything does. One of the laws of nature. People are always so afraid of change. But if you look at it like it's something you can count on happening, it's actually a comfort. Not many things you can count on for sure. I guess. Except I'm one of the people it frightens. +I guess. Except I'm one of the people it frightens. I doubt that. +I doubt that. Why? +Why? Italy to Iowa? I'd call that a change. +Italy to Iowa? I'd call that a change. Richard was in the army. I met him while I was living in Naples. I didn't know where Iowa was. I only cared that it was America. And of course, being with Richard. +Richard was in the army. I met him while I was living in Naples. I didn't know where Iowa was. I only cared that it was America. And of course, being with Richard. What's he like? +He's very... clean. Clean? +Clean? No. I mean yes, he's clean but he's also other things. He's a very hard worker. Very honest. Very caring. Gentle. Good father. +No. I mean yes, he's clean but he's also other things. He's a very hard worker. Very honest. Very caring. Gentle. Good father. And clean. +And clean. Yes. Very clean. +Feeling better? Much. +Much. Is the dizziness gone? +Is the dizziness gone? I think so. +I better go. You sure you're all right? It's been a pleasure. Sincerely. I feel so embarrassed. +I feel so embarrassed. Why? You uncorked a bottle. From what I can tell, I got here just in time. Any later and you'd have made the front page, running down Main Street naked, smoking Camels out of your butt. +Why? You uncorked a bottle. From what I can tell, I got here just in time. Any later and you'd have made the front page, running down Main Street naked, smoking Camels out of your butt. But I... We don't even know each other. +But I... We don't even know each other. You have no reason to feel ashamed. You haven't said anything you don't have a right to. And if anybody tells you different -- you just send them to me. +Would you like to stay for dinner? There aren't many choices in town and ... anyway, you'd have to eat alone. So would I. That's very nice of you. I don't get many dinner invitations on the job. It would be a welcome change. Thanks. +Help cook? Sure. Men cook. We don't all eat bananas with our feet, ya know. +Sure. Men cook. We don't all eat bananas with our feet, ya know. Okay. +What? She starts sniffing me. +She starts sniffing me. Oh my God... You're blushing. +Oh my God... You're blushing. It's still a very sensitive memory for me. +It's still a very sensitive memory for me. Then what happened? +Then what happened? We got engaged. +We got engaged. Oh you! +You ought to write these stories down. Nah. I've tried. My writing's too technical, I think. Problem of being a journalist too long is you stop giving yourself permission to invent. I better just stick to making pictures. +Nah. I've tried. My writing's too technical, I think. Problem of being a journalist too long is you stop giving yourself permission to invent. I better just stick to making pictures. """Making pictures."" I like that. You really love what you do, don't you?" +"""Making pictures."" I like that. You really love what you do, don't you?" I'm kind of obsessed by it, actually. +I'm kind of obsessed by it, actually. Why, do you think? +Why, do you think? I don't know if obsessions have reasons. I think that's why they're obsessions. +I don't know if obsessions have reasons. I think that's why they're obsessions. You sound like an artist. +You sound like an artist. No. I wouldn't say that. National Geographic isn't exactly the hub of artistic inspiration. They like their wild life in focus and without any personal comment. I don't mind really. I'm not artist. I'd faced that a long time ago. It's the course of being well-adjusted. I'm too normal. +No. I wouldn't say that. National Geographic isn't exactly the hub of artistic inspiration. They like their wild life in focus and without any personal comment. I don't mind really. I'm not artist. I'd faced that a long time ago. It's the course of being well-adjusted. I'm too normal. I don't think you're normal. +I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Well, let's just call it a compliment and move on. Did you love teaching? +And did you? I'd like to think so. I know one of them went on to Medical school. +I'd like to think so. I know one of them went on to Medical school. Why did you stop? +Why did you stop? My children. And Richard didn't like my working. +My children. And Richard didn't like my working. Do you miss it? +Do you miss it? I don't know. I've never thought about it... what was the most exciting place you've ever been to? Unless you're tired of talking about it. +I don't know. I've never thought about it... what was the most exciting place you've ever been to? Unless you're tired of talking about it. You're asking a man if he's too tired to talk about himself? You don't get out much, do you? +I'm sorry. That was... No. It's all right. I just meant, it might be a little dull for you, telling all this to some housewife in the middle of nowhere. +No. It's all right. I just meant, it might be a little dull for you, telling all this to some housewife in the middle of nowhere. This is your home. It's not nowhere. And it's not dull. +My God. How I'd love to see that. They have safaris for tourists now. Maybe you can convince your husband. +Well, it's kind of buggy out there. Have no fear. This Shoshone Medicine Woman taught me how to make bug repellent tea out of tree root. +Have no fear. This Shoshone Medicine Woman taught me how to make bug repellent tea out of tree root. You drink bug repellent? +You drink bug repellent? No, you rub it on you. I have some in the truck. Don't go away. +Smells like dirt. You get used to it. +You get used to it. When? +When? You want to go back in? +You want to go back in? No. I'm all right. It's working. +You've got it all right here, you know. It's just as beautiful as any other place I've seen. God, it knocks me out. What? +What? "This ""... Of what I call God and fools can Nature."" Who wrote that?" +"This ""... Of what I call God and fools can Nature."" Who wrote that?" Umm, I don't know. I can look it up. +Umm, I don't know. I can look it up. I'd appreciate it. I like knowing who I'm stealing from. If you can't create art I think the least you can do is recognize it around you, don't you think? There is... ... so much beauty. +You sure you won't let me help you with those dishes? No. I'll do them later. +No. I'll do them later. Francesca? +Francesca? What? +What? Are you all right? +Are you all right? Yes. +Yes. Francesca? +Francesca? What? +What? We're not doing anything wrong, do you. +Do you mind if I... ask you why you got divorced? Not at all. I wasn't around much... So why did I get married? Well, I thought it was a good idea at the time. Have a home base. Roots. You can get lost moving around so much. +Not at all. I wasn't around much... So why did I get married? Well, I thought it was a good idea at the time. Have a home base. Roots. You can get lost moving around so much. So what happened? +So what happened? I never got lost. For some reason, I'm more at home everywhere than at one place. So I decided I'll think of myself as some kind of world citizen. I belong everywhere and nowhere. I'm kin to everyone, and no one in particular. See, once you get into the habit of not needing anyone, it's kind of hard to break. +I never got lost. For some reason, I'm more at home everywhere than at one place. So I decided I'll think of myself as some kind of world citizen. I belong everywhere and nowhere. I'm kin to everyone, and no one in particular. See, once you get into the habit of not needing anyone, it's kind of hard to break. You must get lonely at times. +You must get lonely at times. Never touch the stuff. I've got friends all over the world. Good friends I can see when I want, if I want. +Never touch the stuff. I've got friends all over the world. Good friends I can see when I want, if I want. Woman friends, too? +Woman friends, too? I'm a loner, I'm not a monk. +You really don't need anyone? "No, I think I need everyone! I love people. I want to meet them all! I just think there are too many out there saying ""This is mine."" or ""She's mine."" Too many lines have been drawn. World's breaking apart because of man's weakness for some testosterone conquests over territory and power and people. He wants control over what deep down he knows he has no control over whatsoever and it scares him silly." +"No, I think I need everyone! I love people. I want to meet them all! I just think there are too many out there saying ""This is mine."" or ""She's mine."" Too many lines have been drawn. World's breaking apart because of man's weakness for some testosterone conquests over territory and power and people. He wants control over what deep down he knows he has no control over whatsoever and it scares him silly." Why doesn't it scare you? +Why doesn't it scare you? I embrace Mystery. I don't know what's coming. And I don't mind. +I embrace Mystery. I don't know what's coming. And I don't mind. Do you ever regret it? The divorce, I mean. +Do you ever regret it? The divorce, I mean. No. +No. Do you ever regret not having a family? +Do you ever regret not having a family? Not everybody's supposed to have a family. +Not everybody's supposed to have a family. But -- how can you just live for what you want? What about other people? +But -- how can you just live for what you want? What about other people? I told you, I love other people. +I told you, I love other people. But no one in particular. +But no one in particular. No. But I love them just the same. +No. But I love them just the same. But it's not the same. +But it's not the same. That's not what you're saying. I know it's not the same. What you're saying is, it's not as good. Or it's not as normal or proper. +That's not what you're saying. I know it's not the same. What you're saying is, it's not as good. Or it's not as normal or proper. No, I'm just saying -- +No, I'm just saying -- I'm a little sick of this American Family Ethic everyone seems to be hypnotized by in this country. I guess you think I'm just some poor displaced soul doomed to roam the earth without a self-cleaning oven and home movie. +I'm a little sick of this American Family Ethic everyone seems to be hypnotized by in this country. I guess you think I'm just some poor displaced soul doomed to roam the earth without a self-cleaning oven and home movie. Just because someone chooses to settle down and have a family doesn't necessarily mean they're hypnotized. Just because I've never seen a gazelle stampede doesn't mean I'm asleep in the world. +Just because someone chooses to settle down and have a family doesn't necessarily mean they're hypnotized. Just because I've never seen a gazelle stampede doesn't mean I'm asleep in the world. Do you want to leave your husband? +My mistake. I apologize. What made you ask such a question? +What made you ask such a question? I thought that's what we were doing -- asking questions. +I thought that's what we were doing -- asking questions. I thought we were just having a conversation. You seem to be reading all this meaning into it. Meanings I must be too simple to, uh... interpret or something. +I thought we were just having a conversation. You seem to be reading all this meaning into it. Meanings I must be too simple to, uh... interpret or something. I already apologized. +Listen, I'm sorry I -- No, no. Forgive me. I made a mistake. It was an inappropriate thing to ask. +No, no. Forgive me. I made a mistake. It was an inappropriate thing to ask. ... I feel like something's been spoiled now. +Francesca? Yes! Hi. +Yes! Hi. Am I interrupting anything? +Am I interrupting anything? No. I was just... No. +No. I was just... No. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner, but I just read your note. I stuffed it into my pocket. The light was fading and I had to get my shot. +I'm sorry I didn't call sooner, but I just read your note. I stuffed it into my pocket. The light was fading and I had to get my shot. The light was fading. Huh-huh. +The light was fading. Huh-huh. I would love to come for dinner. +I would love to come for dinner. Wonderful. Uh... +Wonderful. Uh... Listen, I have to shoot Cedar Bridge until a little after sunset. I want a few night shots. Would you like to come with me? If you're interested... +Listen, I have to shoot Cedar Bridge until a little after sunset. I want a few night shots. Would you like to come with me? If you're interested... Oh, sure. Great. +Oh, sure. Great. I'll pick you up. +I'll pick you up. No. I'll drive myself. I have a few errands. I'll meet you there. +No. I'll drive myself. I have a few errands. I'll meet you there. Okay. See you later. +Okay. See you later. Yeah. See you later. +It's Robert. Oh, hi. Look, I'm running a little late, but I'll still... +Oh, hi. Look, I'm running a little late, but I'll still... Listen, don't take this the wrong way but, I'm wondering if this is such a good idea. +Oh. "I uh... I had lunch in town today. Happened to cross paths with ""that Redfield woman."" I apologize. I thought you were half-joking about that." +"I uh... I had lunch in town today. Happened to cross paths with ""that Redfield woman."" I apologize. I thought you were half-joking about that." Oh. I guess you got the whole story. +Oh. I guess you got the whole story. The cashier at the general store was very dangerous. +The cashier at the general store was very dangerous. I think he's running for town crier next year. +I think he's running for town crier next year. I now know more about their affair than I remember about my marriage. Francesca, the last thing I want to do is put you in any kind of situation that would... even though we know it's just -- I mean, it's nothing like that, but if anybody saw us or... +I now know more about their affair than I remember about my marriage. Francesca, the last thing I want to do is put you in any kind of situation that would... even though we know it's just -- I mean, it's nothing like that, but if anybody saw us or... I understand. That's very kind of you. +Yeah? I want you to come. +Sorry I'm late. Richard called. Oh, how is he? +Oh, how is he? Fine. They're all having a good time. How many more shots do you have? +Fine. They're all having a good time. How many more shots do you have? Couple. Want to help? +Can I help? Actually, no. I've got everything under control. I'd like to clean up myself a bit. I'm going to take a bath. Dinner'll be ready in about a half hour. +Actually, no. I've got everything under control. I'd like to clean up myself a bit. I'm going to take a bath. Dinner'll be ready in about a half hour. How about if I set the table? +How about if I set the table? Sure. +Sure. Would you like a beer for your bath? +Would you like a beer for your bath? Yes, that'd be nice. +Are you comfortable? Do you... want to move to the bedroom? No. I can't. Not yet. +You want to eat something? Are you hungry? +Are you hungry? No. +Take me somewhere. What? +What? Right now. Tell me someplace you've been -- someplace on the other side of the world. Anywhere but here. +Right now. Tell me someplace you've been -- someplace on the other side of the world. Anywhere but here. How about Italy? +How about Italy? Yes. +Yes. How about Bari? +How about Bari? Yes. Tell me about the day you got off the train. +Yes. Tell me about the day you got off the train. Have you ever been to that station? +Have you ever been to that station? Yes. +Yes. You know that little place nearby with the striped awning that sells sandwiches and little pizzas... +Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay. It's not that hot anymore. Thanks God. +I just feel like I'm getting a little ... out of control that's all. It's kind of frightening. Why? +Why? Why!? Because, I'm having thoughts I hardly know what to do with. I... can't seem to... stop them. +Why!? Because, I'm having thoughts I hardly know what to do with. I... can't seem to... stop them. Nobody's asking you to. +Nobody's asking you to. And arraccinos and zeppolis. Yes! I know it! +And arraccinos and zeppolis. Yes! I know it! I sat outside and had coffee. +I sat outside and had coffee. Where? Near the doorway or the near the front of the church? +Where? Near the doorway or the near the front of the church? Near the church. +Near the church. I sat there once. It was hot. Like today. I'd been shopping. I had all these bags around my feet I kept having to move every time the waiter came by... +On that one is beautiful. Look at their expressions. As if the camera weren't on them at all. As if they had no strength left to hide what they were feeling. He's a genius. They're not photographs -- they're stories, entire histories captured in moments. +He's a genius. They're not photographs -- they're stories, entire histories captured in moments. I bet you could do a book. +I bet you could do a book. No. I couldn't. +No. I couldn't. Why do you say that? +Why do you say that? Because I already tried once. +But you don't mind. No, I don't mind. +What were you like when you were younger? Trouble. Why? +Trouble. Why? I just wondered. Why were you trouble? +I just wondered. Why were you trouble? I had a temper. +I had a temper. What were your parents like? +I can't do this, honey. What? +What? Try and live a lifetime before Friday. Cram it all in. +You're somewhere else, where? Just that it's been a perfect day and that I'd like to skip my fancy dessert and go home after this. +Just that it's been a perfect day and that I'd like to skip my fancy dessert and go home after this. Uh-huh. And? +Uh-huh. And? You're right, you know. We don't have much time. +Where was she? Across the street. She went into the park and got turned around and didn't know her way out. +I don't know why I'm so tired all of a sudden. Long day. Go to sleep. +Long day. Go to sleep. Am I too heavy for you? +Am I too heavy for you? No. +Sleep all right? Yes, thanks. +Yes, thanks. Good. More coffee? Robert, I hope you don't mind my asking, but I feel like I should. +Good. More coffee? Robert, I hope you don't mind my asking, but I feel like I should. What? +What? Well, these... women friends of yours... all over the world. How does it work? Do you see some of them again? Do you forget others? Do you write them now and then? How do you manage it? +I... What do you want? Well, I just want to know the procedure. I don't want to upset your routine. Do you want any jam? +Well, I just want to know the procedure. I don't want to upset your routine. Do you want any jam? Routine! I don't have a routine. And if you think that's what this is - +Routine! I don't have a routine. And if you think that's what this is - Well, what is this? +Well, what is this? Well, why is that up to me? You're the one who's married. You told me you have no intention of leaving your husband. +Well, why is that up to me? You're the one who's married. You told me you have no intention of leaving your husband. To do what? Be with someone who needs everyone and no one in particular? I mean, what would be the point. Would you pass the butter? +To do what? Be with someone who needs everyone and no one in particular? I mean, what would be the point. Would you pass the butter? I was honest with you. I told you who I was. +I was honest with you. I told you who I was. Yes. Absolutely. You have this habit of not needing and that it's hard to break. I understand. Of course, in that case, why sleep -- you don't need rest or for that matter eat, you don't need food. +What are you doing? Gee, I don't know. I guess I'm not cut out to be a World Citizen who experiences everything and nothing at the same time. +Gee, I don't know. I guess I'm not cut out to be a World Citizen who experiences everything and nothing at the same time. How do you know what I experience? +How do you know what I experience? "I know you! What can this possibly mean to anyone who doesn't ""need"" meaning - ""Who goes with the Mystery"" -- who pretends he isn't scared to death." +"I know you! What can this possibly mean to anyone who doesn't ""need"" meaning - ""Who goes with the Mystery"" -- who pretends he isn't scared to death." Stop it! +Stop it! You have no idea what you've done to me, do you? And after you leave, I'm going to have to wonder for the rest of my life what happened here. If anything happened at all! And I'll have to wonder if you find yourself in some... housewife's kitchen in Romania if you'll sit there and tell her about your world of good friends and secretly include me in that group. +You have no idea what you've done to me, do you? And after you leave, I'm going to have to wonder for the rest of my life what happened here. If anything happened at all! And I'll have to wonder if you find yourself in some... housewife's kitchen in Romania if you'll sit there and tell her about your world of good friends and secretly include me in that group. What do you want me to say? +What do you want me to say? I don't want you to say anything. I don't need you to say anything. +STOP IT! Fine. More eggs or should we just fuck on the linoleum one last time? +Fine. More eggs or should we just fuck on the linoleum one last time? I told you! I won't apologize for who I am. +I told you! I won't apologize for who I am. No one's asking you to! +No one's asking you to! I won't be made to feel like I've done something wrong. +I won't be made to feel like I've done something wrong. You won't be made to feel! Period. You've carved out this little part for yourself in the world where you get to be a voyeur, a hermit and a lover whenever you feel like it and the rest of us are just supposed to feel so incredibly grateful for the brief time you've touched our lives! Well, go to hell! It isn't human not to feel lonely -- it isn't human not to afraid! You're a hypocrite and you're a phony! +You won't be made to feel! Period. You've carved out this little part for yourself in the world where you get to be a voyeur, a hermit and a lover whenever you feel like it and the rest of us are just supposed to feel so incredibly grateful for the brief time you've touched our lives! Well, go to hell! It isn't human not to feel lonely -- it isn't human not to afraid! You're a hypocrite and you're a phony! I DON'T WANT TO NEED YOU! +I DON'T WANT TO NEED YOU! WHY? +WHY? BECAUSE I CAN'T HAVE YOU! +BECAUSE I CAN'T HAVE YOU! WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH IT? +If I've done anything to make you think that what's happened between us is nothing new for me -- is some routine -- then I do apologize. What makes it different, Robert? +No matter how I keep turning it around in my mind -- it doesn't seem like the right thing. For who? +For who? For anyone. They'll never be able to live through the talk. Richard will never be able to. He doesn't deserve that. He hasn't hurt anyone in his life. +For anyone. They'll never be able to live through the talk. Richard will never be able to. He doesn't deserve that. He hasn't hurt anyone in his life. Then he can move! People move! +Then he can move! People move! His family's lived for almost a hundred years. Richard doesn't know how to live anywhere else. And the kids... +His family's lived for almost a hundred years. Richard doesn't know how to live anywhere else. And the kids... The kids are grown! They don't need you anymore. You told me that. They hardly talk to you. +The kids are grown! They don't need you anymore. You told me that. They hardly talk to you. No, they don't say much. But Carolyn's 16. She's just about to find out about all this for herself -- she's going to fall in love, she's going to try and figure out how to build a life with someone. If I leave what does that say to her? +No, they don't say much. But Carolyn's 16. She's just about to find out about all this for herself -- she's going to fall in love, she's going to try and figure out how to build a life with someone. If I leave what does that say to her? What about us? What about me? +What about us? What about me? You've got to know deep down that the minute we leave here. It'll all change. +You've got to know deep down that the minute we leave here. It'll all change. Yeah. It could get better. +Yeah. It could get better. No matter how much distance we put between us and this house, I bring with it with me. And I'll feel it every minute we're together. And I'll blame loving you for how much it hurts. And then even these four days won't be anything more than something sordid and... a mistake. +No matter how much distance we put between us and this house, I bring with it with me. And I'll feel it every minute we're together. And I'll blame loving you for how much it hurts. And then even these four days won't be anything more than something sordid and... a mistake. Francesca, listen to me. You think what's happened to us happens to just anybody? What we feel for each other? How much we feel? We're not even two separate people anymore. Some people search their whole lives for it and wind up alone -- most people don't even think it exists and you're going to tell me that giving it up is the right thing to do? That staying here alone in a marriage, alone in a town you hate, in a house you don't feel apart of anymore -- you're telling me that's the right thing to do!? +Francesca, listen to me. You think what's happened to us happens to just anybody? What we feel for each other? How much we feel? We're not even two separate people anymore. Some people search their whole lives for it and wind up alone -- most people don't even think it exists and you're going to tell me that giving it up is the right thing to do? That staying here alone in a marriage, alone in a town you hate, in a house you don't feel apart of anymore -- you're telling me that's the right thing to do!? We are the choices we've made, Robert. +We are the choices we've made, Robert. TO HELL WITH YOU! +Robert. Please. You don't understand -- no one does. When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children -- in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you're expected move again only you don't remember what moves you because no one has asked in so long. Not even yourself. You never in your life think that love like this can happen to you. But now that you have it - +But now that you have it - I want to keep it forever. I want to love you the way I do now the rest of my life. Don't you understand -- we'll lose it if we leave. I can't make an entire life disappear to start a new one. All I can do is try to hold onto to both. Help me. Help me not lose loving you. +I don't know. Please... I'm going to be here a few more days. I'll be at the Inn. We have some time. Let's not say any more now. +I'm going to be here a few more days. I'll be at the Inn. We have some time. Let's not say any more now. No. Don't do this. +No. Don't do this. I CAN'T SAY GOODBYE YET! We'll leave it for now. We're not saying goodbye. We're not making any decision. Maybe you'll change your mind. Maybe we'll accidentally run into each other and ... and you'll change your mind. +I CAN'T SAY GOODBYE YET! We'll leave it for now. We're not saying goodbye. We're not making any decision. Maybe you'll change your mind. Maybe we'll accidentally run into each other and ... and you'll change your mind. Robert, if that happens, you'll have to decide. I won't be able to. +Mrs. Johnson! Mrs. Johnson! Is it true Cary Grant has proposed to you? Yes. And I've accepted. +Yes. And I've accepted. What about his engagement to Dyan Cannon? +What about his engagement to Dyan Cannon? I said to him Cary you're being ridiculous. You're more than half her age. He said no one had ever been that honest with him and he falls in love with me. +I said to him Cary you're being ridiculous. You're more than half her age. He said no one had ever been that honest with him and he falls in love with me. What about your husband? +What about your husband? I'm very sad but Richard said that since it's Cary Grant, he completely understands. I'm also taking Mrs. Delaney away from this town. She'll be living with Cary and I in Beverly Hills. +You feeling better Franny? Yes. I'm fine. It's just this heat I think. +It's a Chicago station. I found it the other day. Kinda pretty. Is this uh... jazz kinda singing? +Kinda pretty. Is this uh... jazz kinda singing? I don't know. Can we turn it off? I have such a headache. +I don't know. Can we turn it off? I have such a headache. Sure. +'Bout 4:30. Well you should all go to bed early. I'll do the cleaning up. +What time is it? Later. Go back to sleep. +Later. Go back to sleep. Where you going? +Where you going? I'm not tired. I thought I might finish Carolyn's skirt. +I'm not tired. I thought I might finish Carolyn's skirt. Now?! It's after eleven. +Now?! It's after eleven. I can't sleep. +I can't sleep. Again? Maybe you should see a doctor. +Again? Maybe you should see a doctor. I'm not sick, Richard. I'm just not tired, now go back to sleep before you're up for the whole night too! +"""I had forgotten this. I had somehow remembered it being more his fault, his decision. Then I remembered we made love in that field before we left for home. And I remembered it was my idea. I remembered tearing his shirt and biting his body, hoping he would kidnap me. I had forgotten that too. And I wondered, as I sat there... how many other things I'd forgotten.""" Frannie. +I'm positive. I'm going to miss you. +I'm going to miss you. It's only four days. +Want anything special for dinner? Hmm. How about that brown sugar meat loaf you make? +Hmm. How about that brown sugar meat loaf you make? Okay. +Franny? Hmm? +Hmm? I just want to say... I know you had your own dreams. I'm sorry I couldn't give them to you. I love you so much. +Are you seeing Betty tonight? Nah. +Okay. What's her name? +What's her name? Betty. +Betty. What's she like? +What's she like? Okay. +Uh... Yeah. Yeah. She's real nice. Well, what's nice about her? Tell us! +Well, what's nice about her? Tell us! Well, she's... she's real pretty and ... and she's got a cute shape... she's a good sport, ya know, for laughs and ... she loves fried chicken wings and beer. +Well, she's... she's real pretty and ... and she's got a cute shape... she's a good sport, ya know, for laughs and ... she loves fried chicken wings and beer. Isn't that nice? You should bring her home to meet us! +Oh my God...! What happened? +What happened? I was paying the check. She ran outside. I told her to wait for me right here! Oh God, where is she? Rebecca! +Think for a second. Is there someplace she said she wanted to go? I don't remember! +About an hour ago. They're not going to find her! +They're not going to find her! Yes, they are. +Your mother left explicit instructions that she wished to be cremated. Cremated?! +When did she decide this? Apparently just before her death. +Apparently just before her death. Well, that's crazy. I don't know anybody who gets cremated. +It clearly states in the will -- I don't care what it says! Maybe Mama was delirious, you know. She didn't know what she was saying. If she wanted to be cremated, why the hell did she let dad buy two plots, huh? +I don't care what it says! Maybe Mama was delirious, you know. She didn't know what she was saying. If she wanted to be cremated, why the hell did she let dad buy two plots, huh? Well, she was very specific. She wanted her ashes to be thrown over Roseman Bridge. +Well, she was very specific. She wanted her ashes to be thrown over Roseman Bridge. WHAT! +Well, it was notarized, and witnessed by a Mrs. Lucy Delaney. Maybe you can ask her. Who the hell is Lucy Delaney? +Don't feed that dog. You people really don't like dogs. +You people really don't like dogs. Some holes can't be filled. Some hungers can't be satisfied. +Outta my way, boy. Cinnabar? I'm coming! Why don't you hang on and I'll see if she's here. +Why don't you hang on and I'll see if she's here. I know damn well she's there. +We can't go back there. Are you crazy? You saw -- It's the only way. It's possible your father may not be dead yet. +Your father was his best friend. He loved Jeremiah. So he must hate him the most of all now. He'll take his time. But even if it is too late. If your father is dead. It's not over. The door has to be closed. Well, close the fucking door by all means. But don't expect me to go down there and do it. +Well, close the fucking door by all means. But don't expect me to go down there and do it. I don't. +Hey, watcha doing with that dog? He yours, sir? +He yours, sir? Hell no! +Hell no! Then what do you care? +Then what do you care? Take my advice. And shoot that dog. Or let me. +Take my advice. And shoot that dog. Or let me. Alright. Yes sir. Anything you say. +Is it true? Yeah. He lived there. And died there, too. +Yeah. He lived there. And died there, too. Died there? How? +Died there? How? How the hell should I know? +Hey, kid. Yeah? +Yeah? Take my advice. Get the hell out of there. It's a bad place. Always has been. +We practically paying him for the privilege of playing his club. So what the hell's the good news? +Bones! How baddass is zat? This is the place for us. Patrick, you get platinum props, man. Platinum. Yeah, in the land of the blind the one eye'd are king. +Yeah, in the land of the blind the one eye'd are king. What's your problem with Crippled Dick? +What's your problem with Crippled Dick? Look around, this place is a dump! Naw, it'd have to work to be a dump. +Are you nuts? The man said just to use my imagination. Let's see...yeah, I get it. Potential. I can see it now. The first major urban theme park. Village Ghetto land. Kinda like Legoland, but made entirely from broken glass, hypodermic needles and crack vials. Totally E-ticket. +The man said just to use my imagination. Let's see...yeah, I get it. Potential. I can see it now. The first major urban theme park. Village Ghetto land. Kinda like Legoland, but made entirely from broken glass, hypodermic needles and crack vials. Totally E-ticket. Keep smokin', fool. +"You didn't hear that? ""Take him... "" Something. ""Bury him"" or..." Take who where? What you smokin'? +'S up? Nothing. Contact paranoia. Must be buggin' from hanging with you. +Ugh. Muchos moscos, man. This is too much. Just some flies. +Just some flies. "Some flies? I think this qualifies as way more than ""some.""" +Oh yeah, I guess this would be that space that was so perfect for a recording studio. Maurice, man, shut the fuck up. +Boys and girls, Moms and Dads. Children of all ages, I'd like you to meet... Jimmy Bones. What the hell you talking about? +What the hell you talking about? """This is the story of Jimmy Bones/Black as night and hard as stones/Gold plated deuce, like the King of Siam/Got his switchblade loose, and a diamond on his hand..."" There's the switchblade and there's the diamond. Don't know where the deuce is parked." +You think that's really him? Damn. It's so...fresh. +...Bones ol' Bones so mean and bad, whupped his mamma, shot his dad. Saw Bones ol' Bones on top of the hill. Rolling fat jays outta hundred dollar bills. +Can you take a little extended solo right about now, funk soul brotha? Go for it. +Looks like a damn graveyard round here. I'm telling you, this neighborhood is coming back. +Damn. That is the ugliest building I have ever seen. Naw. I think it's... I dunno. Something about it just buzzes me. +You want us to move in here? That's the only way we'll get the place fixed up in time. +You soundin' like the old man now. "I believe in you guys. You are the real shit. And you know it. Now I'm putting everything I got into this cuz I think we can make it happen, but you gotta put a little in too. Now all I""m asking is that everybody do their part. We'll move some shit in, and take shifts, or all crash together here --" +"I believe in you guys. You are the real shit. And you know it. Now I'm putting everything I got into this cuz I think we can make it happen, but you gotta put a little in too. Now all I""m asking is that everybody do their part. We'll move some shit in, and take shifts, or all crash together here --" Pat's right. It'll be fun. +Tia ain't a chick. She's family. And don't forget it. Let's get going. Go home, pick up what we need, then crash here. +Shit. Spooked? +No. Well, yeah. Maybe just a little. Yeah, there is a strange vibe here. +Where's the others? Maurice left. Tia's taking a bath. +Yeah, we can. Least till after this weekend. He ain't going nowhere. We'll deal with it then. Whatever, let's just get the hellout of here. +You sure got a way with women, bro. What happened up there? Damned if I know. +Where's the gangsta of love? Probably stoned out of his gourd in some corner. +Probably stoned out of his gourd in some corner. Well, go find his lazy ass. I scratch any more tonight I'm gonna have carpal tunnel syndrome. +You ain't going down there. Not alone. I'll go. Fine. But I'm bringing a couple of friends. +We can climb out. Climb out to where? +Climb out to where? Anywhere but here. +Is this Hell? Or just Hell-adjacent... +Don't poison your mind with that ghetto paranoia. That's all just ways of people justifying their own failure. Dad, the man has been lying to us for a hundred years. I mean, where is my forty acres and a mule? +Dad, the man has been lying to us for a hundred years. I mean, where is my forty acres and a mule? You wouldn't know a mule if it bit you in the ass. And personally, I don't need a mule. I got a Lexus. And nobody gave it to me -- +That's what? That's some terrible shit. +That's some terrible shit. Clean your mouth, or I will. Those boys had no business messing down there. Go places you're not meant to be -- that's what you get. +Clean your mouth, or I will. Those boys had no business messing down there. Go places you're not meant to be -- that's what you get. But that's your old hood, Pops. +But that's your old hood, Pops. Yeah, and it took some doing to get out of there. Just be glad I did and you can start life from here instead of down there. +Looking to score? Unh-unh, little brother. I got a natural high. A supernatural high. +Unh-unh, little brother. I got a natural high. A supernatural high. Hey, Eddie Mack don't like no wackos on his street. Go be Rain Man on some other bitch's block. +Hey, Eddie Mack don't like no wackos on his street. Go be Rain Man on some other bitch's block. Big Bad Eddie Mack? Got shit for brains and that's a fack. Hey-heh... +You tell my old friend Mackie, I'll be seeing him. Soon. Real soon. Wh-wh-whooo? +Wh-wh-whooo? Bones. +Yeah, we used to do the after-school b ball at Kenwood. What it is? What it will be. +You got a nice crib here. I do alright. Everybody's happy. +I do alright. Everybody's happy. But things change. You gotta think ahead. +What else? Money. It ain't the money - it's the high. The big fat floating 'what if?' And it's way more profitable. Nobody ever wins. So you never have to pay out. +It ain't the money - it's the high. The big fat floating 'what if?' And it's way more profitable. Nobody ever wins. So you never have to pay out. But a two dollar bet is cheaper than a twenty-dollar bag. +But a two dollar bet is cheaper than a twenty-dollar bag. Yeah, but I ain't talking horse. I'm talking about a five-dollar kick in the head that's a quick ticket to heaven. And the fools keep coming back for more. +Yeah, but I ain't talking horse. I'm talking about a five-dollar kick in the head that's a quick ticket to heaven. And the fools keep coming back for more. Those 'fools' are my people. +Those 'fools' are my people. Ain't no big thang. It's just a po' man's free base. Here, check it out. +I ain't interested. And if you gonna sell it, don't sell it round here. Just try it. +Just try it. I said, no thanks. +I said, no thanks. Go on. It won't kill you. +Maybe I oughtta get there a little early. For good luck. Don't need luck tonight. I'm just letting 'em have their say before I say no. +Don't need luck tonight. I'm just letting 'em have their say before I say no. Let me see your hand. +Let me see your hand. "All that shinin' and ""reader and adviser"" mess. That was your mama's bag. I don't know about the readin' but you both can sure 'nuff advise." +"All that shinin' and ""reader and adviser"" mess. That was your mama's bag. I don't know about the readin' but you both can sure 'nuff advise." My mama's bag and my granma's bag, and a long line of mamas before her. +My mama's bag and my granma's bag, and a long line of mamas before her. Sounds like mama needs a brand new bag. +Left hand's the past. Your right's the present. And the future. But it's not written in stone. It's written in flesh and blood. And flesh and blood will change. See? There's something here, a new line, right across your life line. Must be my clothes line. No? How bout my phone line? +Must be my clothes line. No? How bout my phone line? No baby. I'm serious. Cancel that meeting. I got more fruit that needs checking. Come home with me now. +No baby. I'm serious. Cancel that meeting. I got more fruit that needs checking. Come home with me now. Don't you worry about a thing. This hand's gonna be stroking the back of your neck tonight. +Gotta be an in-ey and gotta be smooth. If it's ragged, it was picked too soon. Won't ever be ripe. Second, it's got to have just a little give, here. At the edges. And last, but not very far from least... You gotta get your nose in it and give it a gooooood, looooong sniff. I don't know whether to chill you and serve with cottage cheese, or rip you open and eat you right here. +No? That mean there's something more left of you than just that hungry spirit? What are you going to do now? Kill us? Kill us all? No. Not...not you. You I forgive. +Jimmy, you've got -- I've got what I want. Turn around baby, look at me. Look at your man. +I want you to do something for me, baby. What? +Where are we, baby? Where we'll always be... +Where we'll always be... But. +But. Hush, baby. +'Sup Jimmy B. Shotgun. Get back on the curb! Now! Go easy on Jay Bird. I can remember when we was his age... +It's all arranged for tonight. Eddie Mack's gonna be there. And Offisa Korruptsky, too. They get about twelve and a half minutes. Tops. +They get about twelve and a half minutes. Tops. Trust me, Jimmy, there's big money behind this. Not just big. BIG. Like big business big. Big corporation big. Big government big. Our little acre alone'll net hundreds a thousands. Nothing but net. +Trust me, Jimmy, there's big money behind this. Not just big. BIG. Like big business big. Big corporation big. Big government big. Our little acre alone'll net hundreds a thousands. Nothing but net. Nothing but net? Could be a swish. Or a muthafucking air ball. +Nothing but net? Could be a swish. Or a muthafucking air ball. One simple word, three little letters. Yes. That's all it's gonna take and we could move out of this dump, get the real deal. Big houses, legit business... +One simple word, three little letters. Yes. That's all it's gonna take and we could move out of this dump, get the real deal. Big houses, legit business... That's your dream, Homes. Not mine. I don't want to leave this street. Ever. The status quo is totally cool with me. +Hey Jimmy, you know Eddie Mack, don't you? We met. +Everybody just be cool. Jimmy, man, I think you oughtta hear the deal. I don't need to hear the deal. I don't need any partners. I don't need new product. And I sure as hell don't need this motherfucker's 'mattie in my face. +Sorry, my brother. Since we was just grasshoppers... +Since we was just grasshoppers... You always told me, it's a dog eat dog world. +What it will be. How did you get in here? +How did you get in here? Time like this, is that what you really want to know? How I got the fuck in here? +I don't understand it. You were my Man. Since we was grasshoppas. I always looked after you. You had a piece of everything I had. I didn't want a piece of yours, I wanted my own. +I didn't want a piece of yours, I wanted my own. And the hell everybody else, right? +Wait, Jimmy. Think about it. You woulda done the same thing if you was me. No brother. I wouldn'ta. I never done a man - any man. Let alone a brother like that. Course, as you can see, no good deed goes unfucked. Now the question is, if the good get fucked, what we got saved up for the bad? You about to find out. +What will it take? What do you want? Just tell me, Jimmy! Aw that's easy. I want my life back. Can you swing that, my brother? +Aw that's easy. I want my life back. Can you swing that, my brother? You know I can't. +You know I can't. Then fuck it!!! +Aren't you going to join us? I have to finish this for class. +I have to finish this for class. You got a vision, girl. Just like I got. Just like my momma had. And the good Lord didn't give you that vision just for painting pretty pictures. That's just wasted time. +You got a vision, girl. Just like I got. Just like my momma had. And the good Lord didn't give you that vision just for painting pretty pictures. That's just wasted time. You mean as opposed to your life? +I'm sorry, Momma. Maybe next time. I don't want you meeting around that house. You stay away from those kids. And away from that dog. +I don't want you meeting around that house. You stay away from those kids. And away from that dog. They seemed alright. Bring a little life to that old building. +They seemed alright. Bring a little life to that old building. Nothing but a wide world o' pain locked in there. +Nothing but a wide world o' pain locked in there. Have you ever been inside? +Have you ever been inside? Maybe once upon a time. But that was long ago. Back before... before it became what it is. +Maybe once upon a time. But that was long ago. Back before... before it became what it is. And what's that? +And what's that? Just a bad place. And the doorway to worse. +...I've seen things. In there. Last night. You did too. Don't tell me you didn't. You were crying like a baby. You said the vision, the images. They're just that. Just pictures. They can't hurt you. That's what you always said. +You said the vision, the images. They're just that. Just pictures. They can't hurt you. That's what you always said. I lied. +I lied. All the more reason I should be here. +All the more reason I should be here. Please. It's for your own good. +Please. It's for your own good. You said bad things hurt places. So maybe good things heal them. Good things are happening here. Maybe for the first time ever. And maybe that's all it takes. +It's alright, baby. Who was he, Momma? He tried to kill us. +Who was he, Momma? He tried to kill us. If he was trying to kill you, you'd be dead. +If he was trying to kill you, you'd be dead. Who? Who is he? What is he? +Who? Who is he? What is he? Your father. He was your father. +You got his hands. Beautiful hands. I didn't even know. That night. When they - we - killed him, that you were already alive inside me. Life's like that. Grows right out of death. But if it's him. If he's really come back, won't he know us? Love us? +But if it's him. If he's really come back, won't he know us? Love us? Sure, if it was really him. But it isn't that simple. Jimmy's body died a long time ago. And his soul is long gone, and all that's left is that ravening, hungry spirit in the blood that soaked into the house itself, I suppose. +Sure, if it was really him. But it isn't that simple. Jimmy's body died a long time ago. And his soul is long gone, and all that's left is that ravening, hungry spirit in the blood that soaked into the house itself, I suppose. But how do you know? Maybe he just wanted to see us? And now he's gone again. And you've all killed my father for the second time. +He'll kill them. He'll kill every last one of them. Who? +Who? Eddie Mack, that cop. And Jeremiah. And even when he's done, who knows. He won't be satisfied. Just like that demon dog. Feed it, and it just grows hungrier. Feed his hunger for revenge - he just wants more. Who knows where it'll stop. That kind of hunger ain't never satisfied. +Eddie Mack, that cop. And Jeremiah. And even when he's done, who knows. He won't be satisfied. Just like that demon dog. Feed it, and it just grows hungrier. Feed his hunger for revenge - he just wants more. Who knows where it'll stop. That kind of hunger ain't never satisfied. Aren't you gonna do something about it? +Aren't you gonna do something about it? Like what? I got a little power, sure. A touch of the shining, a little of the sight. But no more than you do. We're not witches. I can't wiggle my nose or say a magic word and make him go away. Besides, maybe they deserve it. Maybe we all do. +Like what? I got a little power, sure. A touch of the shining, a little of the sight. But no more than you do. We're not witches. I can't wiggle my nose or say a magic word and make him go away. Besides, maybe they deserve it. Maybe we all do. I don't. Patrick doesn't. And his brother and sister don't. And they're in the house with him. +I don't. Patrick doesn't. And his brother and sister don't. And they're in the house with him. Fine. Maybe I got nothing to lose. 'Cept you. +We'll have to sneak in. No we won't, Momma. I'll just have them call and tell Patrick it's us. +No we won't, Momma. I'll just have them call and tell Patrick it's us. Girl, they build gates like that to keep people like us out. +Told you so. Alright. We tried. Let's go home. Mother! No. +In his grave there was a cloth or a dress or something. Covered with blood. My God. My dress. We have to find it. And burn it. And shut the door. +no really, let us help. We're new in the neighborhood, gonna be neighbors. You moved into this block? +Are they on the radio? Naw. But they will be. They're the best. +Naw. But they will be. They're the best. How do you know? +How do you know? I manage them. +Guess it's not Rossmore Park. Thanks for the help. Anytime. Be seeing you. +Careful. That's bad luck. That place is already bad luck. +That place is already bad luck. Why? +Why? No. It goes way back. Or so my Momma says. +No. It goes way back. Or so my Momma says. What else does she say? +What else does she say? Nothing. You'd think she was crazy. And she is a lot of things, not all of them nice, but crazy Momma's not. +Nothing. You'd think she was crazy. And she is a lot of things, not all of them nice, but crazy Momma's not. Way I figure, everything our parents tell us is part true and part total B.S. And our whole job is figuring out for ourselves which is which. +Way I figure, everything our parents tell us is part true and part total B.S. And our whole job is figuring out for ourselves which is which. My momma says every house is two houses. Every street, two streets. There's a whole city, a whole world, kinda beside, on top, just below this one. The city of the dead. +My momma says every house is two houses. Every street, two streets. There's a whole city, a whole world, kinda beside, on top, just below this one. The city of the dead. Like right now, there's actually like hordes of dead people shambling around us? Fingers rotting off? +Like right now, there's actually like hordes of dead people shambling around us? Fingers rotting off? Maybe. But there's an invisible wall, a fabric that kinda keeps things separate. +Maybe. But there's an invisible wall, a fabric that kinda keeps things separate. Lucky thing. +Lucky thing. Yeah. But when something bad happens, something really bad -- the wall breaks. The fabric tears. +Yeah. But when something bad happens, something really bad -- the wall breaks. The fabric tears. The dead get out? +The dead get out? Or the living fall in. Who knows. +Or the living fall in. Who knows. And you believe her? +And you believe her? If I did, I wouldn't come within fifty yards of your door. +Cinn? What? Oh yeah. Coming. +She doesn't want me here. With you. In this house. Believe me, my old man'd rupture his spleen if he knew we was down here. All he talks about is the medal he deserves for building us a life as far from this 'hood as possible. +Believe me, my old man'd rupture his spleen if he knew we was down here. All he talks about is the medal he deserves for building us a life as far from this 'hood as possible. He probably thinks he's saving you from something. I'm sure that's what my mother thinks. +He probably thinks he's saving you from something. I'm sure that's what my mother thinks. I'm sure I can make your mother like me. But then do I gotta worry 'bout your father? +I can't. Not yet. It's alright. If you want to go home... +It's alright. If you want to go home... No, I want to stay with you guys. But I can't. I mean I'm not ready. +No, I want to stay with you guys. But I can't. I mean I'm not ready. Don't worry about it. I'll stay with the boys. +Why couldn't you just tell him to let us in? My old man calls the shots. He built that gate and these damn walls. +I'm here. Bill! Bill?! +Bill! Bill?! Patrick, he's... +Patrick, he's... Okay, okay. Listen: +Here, find my hand. The stairs are right near here. I saw them. Let's just walk up there. I can't find you. +I can't find you. Here! +We gotta jump! I can't! +We're here. Where the hell are you? Back here. At the end of the block. +You got the cash? You got the shit? +You got the shit? Yeah, but you got to come the rest of the way on foot. Leave your car and walk over here. +Let me see it. Let me see it. +Let me see it. Where is it? +Where is it? I can't carry it in my pocket, man. And I can't go get it for you cause you might be a cop. You gonna have to pick it up yourself. +Don't worry. It's just round the corner. Halfway down that block, you can't miss it. Top step of the front stairs, there's a loose stone. Go on, I ain't shitting you. Fuck it. Alright. +But maybe we're the ones who should be down there. Doing something. Making it better. Can't be done. That place already died and gone to hell. +Where are we going? You know I hate surprises. A little business move I made. On my own. I think you're gonna approve. +What are we doing down here? Like you always said, Pop, look for the undervalued. +Listen to me, boy. I didn't work all my life to get out of this neighborhood for you to move right back in! I thought you'd be psyched. Just trying to do what you did. Take nothing and make something out of it. +I thought you'd be psyched. Just trying to do what you did. Take nothing and make something out of it. No one'll ever come here. Shut it down. Don't worry, the bank'll buy it back. I'll take care of it. +No one'll ever come here. Shut it down. Don't worry, the bank'll buy it back. I'll take care of it. You'll take care of it? Not this time. No way. I bought it fair and square. And we open tonight. +You'll take care of it? Not this time. No way. I bought it fair and square. And we open tonight. Bullshit! Bullshit!! You're selling it back! That's an order! +Did you do it? Sure, son. I went down there and torched the place myself. +Sure, son. I went down there and torched the place myself. You could have had it done. You didn't want us there. +You could have had it done. You didn't want us there. I wouldn't have risked killing you to get you out. I was trying to protect you. +I wouldn't have risked killing you to get you out. I was trying to protect you. From what? +Why? Why did you give a shit about the building? Why did you care that we were there of all places? It's...it's a bad neighborhood. As you can see now. +It's...it's a bad neighborhood. As you can see now. Bullshit, Dad. Don't front me. For once. Just tell me the truth. I came from there, too. +Bullshit, Dad. Don't front me. For once. Just tell me the truth. I came from there, too. You were just a kid. +You were just a kid. I saw your face. You knew that place. You knew those people. +I saw your face. You knew that place. You knew those people. That's the past. It's dead. +That's the past. It's dead. Dead? I don't think your past is dead. It's alive. And it bites. +Please...help me... Dad? +Help me. I'm so sorry. But please, help me... Daddy? +What the hell do you want? Just a visit with my old pal, Jay-bird. +Just a visit with my old pal, Jay-bird. Don't call me that. +You certainly traded up. ...the trophy wife. Nice lookin'. Keep your hands to yourself, willya? +Keep your hands to yourself, willya? I been watching you. You done good. Invested wisely. Respectable businessman now. Just like you always wanted. +I been watching you. You done good. Invested wisely. Respectable businessman now. Just like you always wanted. And you? Still a pig. Just a much fatter one. +And you? Still a pig. Just a much fatter one. No reason to get nasty. Yeah, I've stayed in the organization. But then again I never got the percentage you did. +No reason to get nasty. Yeah, I've stayed in the organization. But then again I never got the percentage you did. Or you didn't know what to do with it. +Or you didn't know what to do with it. Maybe so. Maybe so. But that ain't why I came to see you. You sold the building. +Maybe so. Maybe so. But that ain't why I came to see you. You sold the building. What building? +What building? Don't shit a shitter. Our building. What did you call it? His 'tomb'? We had an agreement. You were supposed to sit on it. Not sell it -- +Don't shit a shitter. Our building. What did you call it? His 'tomb'? We had an agreement. You were supposed to sit on it. Not sell it -- I didn't sell it. +I didn't sell it. Well, somebody bought it. That's what I heard. +You're right. One of my associates sold the building last month. That's a Bozo no-no. Jay-bird. +That's a Bozo no-no. Jay-bird. Look, even if anyone found anything there, it's twenty years ago. They could never connect it to us. +Look, even if anyone found anything there, it's twenty years ago. They could never connect it to us. You better hope not. Cause it's like they say, four can keep a secret, if three are dead. +Nice rack. How old is -- That's it. Get out. Now! +No way man... You cut him, or I shoot you. Make your choice. +Not your style. Is it Eddie? Killing off your customers? I ain't killed nobody. Shall I rack 'em? Play a game, Lupe? +I ain't killed nobody. Shall I rack 'em? Play a game, Lupe? No time for eightball. I got your tip. +Fair enough for the shit. But I think a little bonus is due for knocking out the competition. You was just doing your job. +You was just doing your job. Last thing you need's for me to start doing my fucking job. +What it is? What it will be, muthafucka. Now you. +I know it. The old slaughterhouse. Hey, Sal. That little weasel we popped today? He's got something for us. I knew he would once he thought about it. Shit, that was fast. +Shit, that was fast. 12-year olds. They scare easy. Anyway, he's gonna tip their stash. Come with me. +12-year olds. They scare easy. Anyway, he's gonna tip their stash. Come with me. I'm on my way home. Can you handle it yourself? +I'm on my way home. Can you handle it yourself? Oh, no. Please don't make me go by myself. I'm scaaaaaaaaaared. +Oh, no. Please don't make me go by myself. I'm scaaaaaaaaaared. Fuckin' comedian. See you tomorrow. +Goddamnit! How many times I told you -- We got a gift for you, Eddie. Fresh new BMW. +We got a gift for you, Eddie. Fresh new BMW. That you stole off those white boys was down here last night? Are you crazy? Everybody from hell to breakfast heard that screamin' on Blackstone last night! +That you stole off those white boys was down here last night? Are you crazy? Everybody from hell to breakfast heard that screamin' on Blackstone last night! But -- +But -- How many times I told you, no psycho shit. There gonna be psycho shit, I'm the one that does it. +We just thought... No more thoughts from your asses. Or I will burn your asses and snort the ashes. Hear me? +We didn't do nothing, Eddie. You gon tell me you didn't ginsu those punks and steal their ride? +You gon tell me you didn't ginsu those punks and steal their ride? That's all we did, steal their ride. +That's all we did, steal their ride. Get that car the hell away from here, now! I spend a lot of money to keep the cops cool. But this is the kinda shit that pisses everybody off. +You boys been hitting the pipe? No, Eddie. It's just that, I dunno. He was tall, and thin, and like a shadow, his face was just a blur. All I remember is the voice. It was smooth and low and it didn't seem to be comin' out of his mouth. +No, Eddie. It's just that, I dunno. He was tall, and thin, and like a shadow, his face was just a blur. All I remember is the voice. It was smooth and low and it didn't seem to be comin' out of his mouth. Then how'd you hear it, fool? +Then how'd you hear it, fool? It was just like in my head. +It was just like in my head. Maybe I oughta open a couple holes in that head and let all them voices out. You'll feel better, I promise. +I just accelerated my top secret long term plan for our world domination. "Sqweeep. We innerup this programme to bring you this special news bulletin -- ""Aliens from Reticula 3 have hijacked Patrick Peet and injected moly headcheese into his skull filling his entire brain cavity with cosmic slop...""" +"Sqweeep. We innerup this programme to bring you this special news bulletin -- ""Aliens from Reticula 3 have hijacked Patrick Peet and injected moly headcheese into his skull filling his entire brain cavity with cosmic slop...""" I was planning on waiting until I got the place cleaned out, but -- like the man says, carpe diem. +And damp, too. Let's not forget damp. Whattaya think? Can you picture it? Over there the bar, and in here -- the dance floor. +Jimmy Bones? Yeah, you heard of him? +Yeah, you heard of him? You haven't? +You haven't? Not that I remember. +Not that I remember. "He was a local legend back in the '70's. There was a song, Stagolee kinda deal: ""This is the ballad of Jimmy Bones/Black as night and hard as stone...""" +"He was a local legend back in the '70's. There was a song, Stagolee kinda deal: ""This is the ballad of Jimmy Bones/Black as night and hard as stone...""" I was born near here. My dad's from here. He never mentioned it. +You gotta use your imagination. """This is Patrick..."" ""...And this is Patrick on crack."" Imagination, my butt. Even the space cowboy can't..." +"""This is Patrick..."" ""...And this is Patrick on crack."" Imagination, my butt. Even the space cowboy can't..." Why don't y'all check out the rest? I'm going downstairs and see if I can get the furnace fired up. Warm this place up, you'll see. It has serious potential. +Why don't y'all check out the rest? I'm going downstairs and see if I can get the furnace fired up. Warm this place up, you'll see. It has serious potential. Potential toxic dump site. +Yeah right, and which ever of us is still alive at the end of the week inherits all Vincent Price's cash. Look, you guys want to play college radio, high school reunions, and some fool's club once a week for the rest of your lives, that's cool. But I think we can do better. +I thought you were bringing the Colonel? The Gangster of Love don't eat no fried chicken. +The Gangster of Love don't eat no fried chicken. Why not? He eats everything else. +Why not? He eats everything else. "Just what army do you think the Colonel was in? Everybody knows the whole chicken distribution network is owned by the Klan. ""Special recipe"". I'm telling you. There's something in the batter. Say it makes a black man sterile." +Maurice, even if it was true, what are you worried about? Last time I checked, you weren't black. I'm not sure what the hell you are. But I know you aren't a black man. I am the future. I am all colors. All races. All creeds. I am the melting pot. I am the tossed salad. I am post racial. +I am the future. I am all colors. All races. All creeds. I am the melting pot. I am the tossed salad. I am post racial. Post-toasted's more like it. +"""Like a heartbeat/Like a love beat."" Listen to the Di Franco twins there. Just the plumbing or something, fool." Maybe there's a pipe underneath the floor. It leaked and stained. +And some people need their medication tweaked. I'm not joking boy. Don't feed it. It'll only make it hungrier. +Need any help with those bags, Ma'am? No thanks. +Not really to live, just to play. That building? +That building? Gonna be le hot shit. Pardon my Francais. Dance club. The Resurrection Brothers play there. Heard of them? +Gonna be le hot shit. Pardon my Francais. Dance club. The Resurrection Brothers play there. Heard of them? Should I? +You look mighty familiar to me. You sure you're not from around here? I was born near here. But after my mother died, my dad moved. I grew up out in Rossmore Park. +I was born near here. But after my mother died, my dad moved. I grew up out in Rossmore Park. You're pretty black to be growing up in Rossmore Park. +You sure we oughta save him? Why not just let see how safe his gates and walls keep him when his past comes calling? Save him? What are you talking about? +... see there ain't just two parts to a person. There's three. Body-Soul and Spirit. The spirit lives in the blood. It's the wanting that holds body and soul together, and sometimes, the wanting lives on. Jimmy's blood must still be in the house. But the place burned to the ground. +But the place burned to the ground. The blood is still there. We just gotta figure out where. +It's not safe down there. The fire started down there. The whole thing could collapse. Then your father's a dead man and Jimmy Bones is gonna be around a long time. +Well, the bad news is we only made 25 bucks each. How could that be? The box was packed! +How could that be? The box was packed! Moe's terms. +Illibent? Who's club is that? Ours! +There wasn't any draft. That window was closed. We're all tired. Everybody makes mistakes. Tomorrow in the daylight, everything's gonna look different. +Boy, put that thing down. You can't take that. Might be evidence. Evidence of what? +Evidence of what? Somehow I don't think he stabbed himself in the chest, then buried himself too. +Shit! Damn dog. We gonna have to do something about you. What we have to do is call the police. +Whoa, whoa. Come on, he's making too much noise. You hear that, bitch? Be quiet! +You hear that, bitch? Be quiet! Here, put this in his mouth. +You shouldn't have hit me. You want to get into this now? +You want to get into this now? No, no, Caesar. Not now. +Glenlivet, right, Gino? I'll have whatever Violet's drinking. +So Caesar, what did it total out at? Two point one seventy-six. +Come on, Pop, all I want to know is one thing. Just one thing after he made such a big deal out of it. I bet it wasn't a big deal. Was it, Caesar? What's that, Johnnie? +What's that, Johnnie? The money I bet it was nothing to get it clean, after you made such a fucking big deal ... +Where is this going, Johnnie? Just admit it, Caesar. +Just admit it, Caesar. Admit what? +Admit what? That you overreacted. That you lost it. Not me. It was your mistake. +That's right, I know. I fucking know. Know what? +Know what? Open the case! +Open the case! All right! Where's the key? +All right! Where's the key? You don't need a key. +How the fuck can I open it? The same way you did before. +The same way you did before. What are you talking about? +You don't think I'll do it, do you? I think you're fucking crazy! +I think you're fucking crazy! Where is it? +Where is it? Where's what? +Where's what? The money! +The money! Caesar, I don't know what you're thinking here, but if you don't put down that gun -- +The next one blows off your dick. You're a dead man! A fucking dead man! +You're a dead man! A fucking dead man! Where is it? +We know how this was done, eh? Yeah, I know. +Caesar? What is this? Ask Johnnie! Ask your rat-fuck son! +Caesar! Gino, your son stole this money to set me up and I can prove it. Violet! +No, Gino! You aim a gun at me?! Do you know who I am?! I am Gino Marzzone. You understand? +Sit down, Gino! No, Caesar, gimme the gun. +No, Caesar, gimme the gun. Stay away! +We're family, Caesar. No! +No! Gimme the gun. +Gimme the gun. I can't. I can't. +I can't. I can't. Give it to me. +We make our own choices, we pay our own prices. All part of the business. +All part of the business. All part of the business. +I didn't expect -- What the fuck is going on? +Oh, shit ... Caesar, this is Corky. Corky, Caesar. +Caesar, this is Corky. Corky, Caesar. I'm sorry, Christ, I thought ... it's fucking dark in here. +She's doing the work herself. No shit. Bianchinni hired you? You know he's a good friend of mine. |Family, really. +So, you just got out? Jesus, Caesar! +Jesus, Caesar! What? It ain't no big fuckin' deal. I know who Don hires. Did you know he did time himself? +Not bad. What for? That's none of your goddamn business, Caesar. +That's none of your goddamn business, Caesar. You're right. You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. I just hope you understand you're among good people here. +Caesar, I'm leaving. What? Oh, come on, I didn't use one of the good towels. +Caesar, I'm serious. This is too much. I have to get out of here. Why? 'Cause you know him? +Caesar, what happened? It was unbelievable! Un-fucking- believable! +Just look at this mess I got to deal with. What are you going to do with it? +What are you going to do with it? I told them to run it through the cycles. But I guess Gino has plans for it because he's coming here tomorrow night to pick this shit up. +Where the hell's the laundry detergent? Ummm ... in the linen closet. +Fuck! Fuck! How did you ... Awwww goddammit! I'm sorry. It was an accident. +Don't worry, I'll get some more. There's no time. +There's no time. Don't be silly, Caesar. It'll take five minutes. +They were early. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? They just left, didn't they? +They just left, didn't they? What are you, drunk? +You mean they weren't up here? No! They're still on their way. +No! They're still on their way. That doesn't make any sense. +That doesn't make any sense. Why? +Why? Because I just saw Johnnie downstairs. +What? I was getting out of the car when I saw him in the Mercedes. +I was getting out of the car when I saw him in the Mercedes. It couldn't have been. +It couldn't have been. It was him. I'm positive. +It was him. I'm positive. It's impossible! +It's impossible! Caesar, I know Johnnie. It was him. I screamed when I saw him. I couldn't believe I missed them. I knew you were going to be upset so I thought I'd apologize and give Gino the Scotch. I honked a couple of times but he didn't stop. +Why? Why would Johnnie do this? Jesus Christ, Violet! Open your fucking eyes! Johnnie hates me like I hate him! +I hate that little fuck! I hate him! I hate him! I should've done him! But you know he did it. +But you know he did it. So what?! So fucking what? Use your head, Violet. The money is gone. Gino is coming here to get it. You think he's going to believe me if I tell him his piss-hole son stole it! Is that what you think? I don't. You know what I think? I think I'm a dead man. I'm one in the brain. That's what I think! +So what?! So fucking what? Use your head, Violet. The money is gone. Gino is coming here to get it. You think he's going to believe me if I tell him his piss-hole son stole it! Is that what you think? I don't. You know what I think? I think I'm a dead man. I'm one in the brain. That's what I think! Caesar, what are we going to do? +Got to think this through ... Caesar, maybe we should run -- +Caesar, maybe we should run -- Violet, please! +Violet, please! I mean it, Caesar, forget Johnnie, forget the money, let's just go now, before it's too late -- +I mean it, Caesar, forget Johnnie, forget the money, let's just go now, before it's too late -- Goddammit, Violet! Would you just leave me the fuck alone! Please! Leave! Now! +Goddammit, Violet! Would you just leave me the fuck alone! Please! Leave! Now! All right, Caesar. +I got it! I know what I got to do! I got to get the money. The money? The money's gone. +The money? The money's gone. No. Johnnie's got it. All I got to do is get it back. +No. Johnnie's got it. All I got to do is get it back. But it could be anywhere. +But it could be anywhere. He didn't have that much time. He had to pick up Gino. I bet you he's got it with him. I bet it's in the car. +He didn't see you, did he? No. +No. See, right now he doesn't know that I know, that's why he put the paper in the case. He wants me to hand the case to Gino. Then there is no doubt it was me. Gino will put a bullet in me himself. But it ain't going to happen. I won't let it! Johnnie ain't going to fuck me! Not like this! No way! +See, right now he doesn't know that I know, that's why he put the paper in the case. He wants me to hand the case to Gino. Then there is no doubt it was me. Gino will put a bullet in me himself. But it ain't going to happen. I won't let it! Johnnie ain't going to fuck me! Not like this! No way! This is insane! +You can't leave. The hell I can't! +The hell I can't! I need you ... +I need you ... Bullshit! You don't need me! You've never needed me! I can't help you! Understand?! I have to get out. +Bullshit! You don't need me! You've never needed me! I can't help you! Understand?! I have to get out. Violet, I won't let you leave. +If you're not with me, Violet, then I have to assume you're against me. Caesar, this is crazy. +Caesar, this is crazy. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Maybe you dropped the Scotch by accident. Maybe you didn't. +It would have been so easy to let him in as you went out. You don't, you can't believe that ... +You don't, you can't believe that ... I've seen the way he looks at you. He's always wanted you. Maybe two million dollars finally bought you. +All right, Johnnie, you want to play it this way, I can play it this way. You want to know who made a mistake, why don't you open the case. Caesar ... +Caesar ... Shut up, Violet! This is between me and Johnnie. +Tell them! Tell them! For Christ's sake, Johnnie, do what he says. +... maybe three hours. Caesar, what are you going to do? +Caesar, what are you going to do? What do you think we're going to do? We have to find the money. +What do you think we're going to do? We have to find the money. What? +What? Once we have the money, then none of this ever happened. +Once we have the money, then none of this ever happened. Caesar, you just killed Gino Marzzone. +Caesar, you just killed Gino Marzzone. No I didn't. Not if his body disappears and not if the money is still here. Then they never showed up. +No I didn't. Not if his body disappears and not if the money is still here. Then they never showed up. What happened to them? +What happened to them? I don't know. We may never know, but I'm going to guess it was a job, maybe the Karpoli family. +Fuck. Caesar, what are we going to do? +Caesar, what are we going to do? They're just cops. Stall them as long as you can. +Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Caesar, someone could see us out here. +It's not here, Caesar. Where, then? +Where, then? I don't know. it could be anywhere. We don't even know if he was alone. Please, Caesar, we don't have much time. Let's get out of here. +What are you doing? We're going to need some time. +We're going to need some time. Who are you going to call? +I can use Johnnie's car, dump it in Lake Michigan ... I need plastic bags ... tape and rope ... Just hurry. +Where is the money? Don't tell him -- +Don't tell him -- Shut up, Violet! +Shut up, Violet! He can't kill you -- +Violet! Not until he has the money! +Stupid cunt! Caesar, stop acting like an asshole and think -- +Caesar, stop acting like an asshole and think -- Don't try to tell me what to do. +Don't try to tell me what to do. You need the money just like we do. +You need the money just like we do. Shut up, Violet. +Shut up, Violet. Let us go and we'll make a deal. +What did she do to you? Everything you couldn't. +I saved you. Ha! What a load of crap. Look at yourself, Caesar. You're a thug. |You launder money for the mob. You rent women like you rented this apartment. +Saved me? You don't even know me. You used me, Caesar, just like I used you. All part of the business. You betrayed me! +You betrayed me! You murdered Gino! +You murdered Gino! I had to. You made me. +I had to. You made me. Bullshit, you killed him. Not me. You did it because you couldn't stand the thought of Johnnie fucking you. +Bullshit, you killed him. Not me. You did it because you couldn't stand the thought of Johnnie fucking you. Shut up! +What? You're blowing your only chance. Act like I'm Gino. +Holy shit, I don't believe it! We've been going crazy over here, Gino! Good boy. +We were in a car accident -- They were in a car accident. +They were in a car accident. But everybody is all right. +But everybody is all right. They're all fine. Just bruises and shit. +They're all fine. Just bruises and shit. Now you listen to me, asshole, I know your gun is behind the bar ... +We make a deal or I come out and hand this phone to Mickey. I'm listening. +I want what's mine, half the money. We get rid of Mickey, no one else dies. No one. Say yes, I understand. Yes, I understand. +Yes, I understand. Tell them I'm at St. Mary's off the Kennedy, in the waiting room, but stay on the phone until I come out. +Tell them I'm at St. Mary's off the Kennedy, in the waiting room, but stay on the phone until I come out. Sure, Gino, sure. +Now that's teamwork. I should have let him kill you. +I should have let him kill you. You know he would have done you, too. +You know he would have done you, too. I knew I couldn't trust you. +Caesar, don't. What are you going to do, V? Shoot me? Kill me in cold blood? I don't think so. I'll tell you why. If you had it in you to pull that trigger, you would have done it a long time ago. If I was you, I would have killed me the minute I brought the money home. But you didn't and I know why, because you don't want to kill me. Do you, V? Do you? No, I know you don't. +What are you going to do, V? Shoot me? Kill me in cold blood? I don't think so. I'll tell you why. If you had it in you to pull that trigger, you would have done it a long time ago. If I was you, I would have killed me the minute I brought the money home. But you didn't and I know why, because you don't want to kill me. Do you, V? Do you? No, I know you don't. Caesar, you don't know shit. +How's it going tonight, fellas? Pretty good, sir. +Fuck, this happened before. It's this shitty ear. Born with it. The batteries wore out in my aid. I'm sorry. It's all right, sir. +Not on duty, sorry. Oh, right. +I'm going to make myself a drink, if that's okay? Go right ahead, sir. +Try to keep the extra batteries for your aid around. Good idea. +You planned this whole thing, didn't you? Where's the fucking money? +You're helping Rajeev? No. Rajeev's in India. +How many'd you do? Five. +Good. I hate to worry. I got ulcers. I should be going. +I should be going. What? How about a drink? +What? How about a drink? My brushes, I have to clean my brushes. Thanks, though. +My brushes, I have to clean my brushes. Thanks, though. Another time. +Another time. Sure. +Now, where the fuck is my money? Lick me. +Lick me. Where is it? +Where is it? Either pull the trigger or get that thing out of my face. +I'm going to ask you where the money is. Every time you don't give me an answer, I'm going to cut off one finger. No. +No. When I reach ten, then I'll start with you. +You can't kill me yet. Why? +Why? I could be lying. +Now why don't you go watch some TV or something? Are you okay, Violet? +Are you okay, Violet? Mickey, why is Johnnie here? You know how I feel about that fucking psycho. +Caesar, didn't I tell you to get something? Sure, Mickey. Sure. +Yeah? Hey, Mickey. +Mick, I know it's late, but there is a problem. They haven't shown up yet. What? They ain't there? +What? They ain't there? No. I don't know where they are. I even called over at Johnnie's, but no answer. +No. I don't know where they are. I even called over at Johnnie's, but no answer. Okay. Let me call around. I'll see what I can do. Don't go anywhere, okay? +Okay. Let me call around. I'll see what I can do. Don't go anywhere, okay? Okay, sure, Mick. +Okay, sure, Mick. Caesar, you still got the money? +Yeah, Mick. I've got the money. I'm staring right at it. Good. Sit tight. I'll call you. +No, Cease. There was no answer. I thought I heard someone knocking. +I thought I heard someone knocking. I was buzzing, I was knocking, but I guess you couldn't hear me on account of being in the shower. +I was buzzing, I was knocking, but I guess you couldn't hear me on account of being in the shower. Yeah, it was Violet's idea. I was so wound up about Gino, she was trying to help me relax. +Yeah, it was Violet's idea. I was so wound up about Gino, she was trying to help me relax. That Violet is one nice lady. Wish someone would help me relax. +That Violet is one nice lady. Wish someone would help me relax. Shit, Mick, come on in, let me get you a drink. Sit down, Lou. +We was worried about you, Cease. Me? Why? +Me? Why? We went over to Johnnie's place just to check it out and it was busted up, Bad. +I started thinking maybe it's about the money so I call you, but all I get is the busy signal. I figure the phone is off the hook, that's why I come rushing over here. Oh Christ, the phone ... That was a fucking stupid thing to do, wasn't it? +Oh Christ, the phone ... That was a fucking stupid thing to do, wasn't it? Hey, if Violet was helping me relax, I'd probably do the same thing. +Cease, can I ask you something? Yeah. +Yeah. Why'd you move all the furniture around? +Actually, yeah, she was nervous about Gino coming, wanted everything to look right. You know women, Mick. Sure, Cease. They make us do stupid things, don't they. +Is that the money? Yeah, that's it. +Hey, Caesar, where's the key? The key, yeah, the key's in my pants in the bathroom. +The key, yeah, the key's in my pants in the bathroom. Fuck it, I don't need the key. +It's Gino! It's Gino! Where in the hell is he? +Un-fucking-believable. I called those highway patrol dumb fucks. Ssh! I can't hear Gino! +You got the key? Oh yeah. Violet! +Call me as soon as you get him. Leave your phone on the hook. +Hello? This is the police, ma'am. +We had a report of gunfire, so if you could -- Gunfire? Is this a joke? +No joke, ma'am. Please open the door. How do I know you are cops? +Ma'am, you have to open the door. All right. +See? We're for real. I'm sorry, it's just you hear stories. +I'm sorry, it's just you hear stories. You did the right thing. +This is a beautiful place. ... thank you. +Hi. My name is Violet. We sort of met in the elevator -- Yeah, sure. I'm Corky. +Yeah, sure. I'm Corky. I heard you working in here and I just wondered if you'd like a cup of coffee? +Who? Rajeev, the man who usually works on the building. +Rajeev, the man who usually works on the building. Oh, he went home to India, but as far as I know he'll be back. +So this is temporary for you? Pretty much. One day at a time. +I guessed you were straight black. Good guess. +Mmmm ... thanks, I needed this. My pleasure ... but to be honest, I did have a slightly ulterior motive here. I was wondering if I could ask a small favor? +My pleasure ... but to be honest, I did have a slightly ulterior motive here. I was wondering if I could ask a small favor? A favor? +A favor? Yeah, see, I'm kind of a night person, so I was wondering if it wasn't a terrible inconvenience if you could wait a bit before using power tools. +Yeah, see, I'm kind of a night person, so I was wondering if it wasn't a terrible inconvenience if you could wait a bit before using power tools. Oh, I'm sorry -- +Oh, I'm sorry -- No, it isn't your fault. The walls here are just so thin. +No, it isn't your fault. The walls here are just so thin. Are they really? +Are they really? Yes, it really causes problems. Sometimes it's like you're in the same room. But if it's too much trouble, I understand ... +Yes, it really causes problems. Sometimes it's like you're in the same room. But if it's too much trouble, I understand ... No, no trouble. There's other work to do. +No, no trouble. There's other work to do. You're doing everything yourself? +You're doing everything yourself? Yeah. +Yeah. That is so amazing. I'm in awe of people who can fix things. My dad was like that. We never had anything new. Whenever something broke he would open it up, tinker with it and it would work. His hands were magic. +Truck. Truck. Of course. +Truck. Of course. '63 Chevy. +'63 Chevy. I knew it. +I knew it. So, how do you know the owner, Mr. Bianchinni? +So, how do you know the owner, Mr. Bianchinni? I don't, really. I was referred to him. +I don't, really. I was referred to him. Oh, really. +Do you know him? No, but Caesar does. He likes him. Says he's a good Italian. +No, but Caesar does. He likes him. Says he's a good Italian. Caesar is your husband? +Caesar is your husband? Oh no, no. I'm not the marrying kind. +I should be going. You can drop the cup off anytime. Thanks. +Thanks. My pleasure. +Oh no. Shit. I didn't know he would call you. God, you must think |I'm a total nuisance. Not exactly. +Not exactly. I'm sorry, I usually would call Rajeev, but I didn't know what to do so I called Mr. Bianchinni. +I'm sorry, I usually would call Rajeev, but I didn't know what to do so I called Mr. Bianchinni. He said you lost something. +He said you lost something. Yeah, come on in. +I'm sorry, look, forget it. I shouldn't have called... I told Bianchinni I would take a look. Is it that sink? +Do you have a pot or a bucket? Sure. +Thank you so much. You have to let me pay you something -- No. Mr. Bianchinni asked me to do it. I did it. +Okay, one drink. What do you want? +What do you want? A beer? +A beer? A beer. Of course. +You seem uncomfortable. Do I make you nervous, Corky? No. +Curious, maybe. Curious? That's funny, I'm feeling a bit curious myself right now. +Are you surprised that I know what it is? Maybe. +Maybe. I have a tattoo, would you like to see it? +Isn't it obvious? I'm trying to seduce you. Why? +Why? Because I want to. I've wanted to since I first saw you in the elevator. +You dropped that earring down the drain on purpose, didn't you? If I say yes, will you take your hand away? +If I say yes, will you take your hand away? No. +No. ... yes. +I had to see you. Look, I don't think this is a good idea. +Look, I don't think this is a good idea. I wanted to apologize. +I wanted to apologize. Don't apologize, please. I can't stand women who apologize for wanting sex. +... I needed that. Tell me about it. +Caesar's Mafia, isn't he? You have to ask? +You have to ask? No. +No. "Funny, nobody calls it that anymore. Caesar calls it ""The |Business.""" +"Funny, nobody calls it that anymore. Caesar calls it ""The |Business.""" How did you meet him? +How did you meet him? They took over a club I was working at. Caesar started managing it. +They took over a club I was working at. Caesar started managing it. He's a launderer? +He's a launderer? Basically. +Basically. How long have you been with him? +How long have you been with him? Almost five years. +Almost five years. Five years is a long time. +Five years is a long time. Yes, it is. +The redistribution of wealth. What? +What? Isn't that what you wanted to know? What I did time for? +Isn't that what you wanted to know? What I did time for? The redistribution of wealth? +The redistribution of wealth? That's what I tell someone when I'm trying to get them in my bed. +That's what I tell someone when I'm trying to get them in my bed. I'm already in your bed. +I'm already in your bed. My cellmate would say she did her time for getting caught. She was always more honest than me. +You didn't have to tell me if you didn't want to. I guess I wanted to. +I guess I wanted to. I'm glad you did. +I'm glad you did. So am I. +What's wrong? Nothing. +Yes there is. I felt it this morning when I brought you the coffee. Shit, here we go. +Shit, here we go. You didn't want to see me, did you? +You didn't want to see me, did you? If there is one thing I can't stand about sleeping with women, it's all the fucking mind reading. +If there is one thing I can't stand about sleeping with women, it's all the fucking mind reading. What are you afraid of? +What are you afraid of? I'm not afraid of anything. +I'm not afraid of anything. I don't understand - ? +I don't understand - ? I know! You can't understand, because we're different, Violet. We're different. +I know! You can't understand, because we're different, Violet. We're different. We're not that different, Corky. +We're not that different, Corky. How can you sit in that bed and say that? +How can you sit in that bed and say that? Because it's the truth. +Because it's the truth. Let me guess. This is where you tell me that what matters is on the inside. That inside you, there is a little dyke just like me? +Let me guess. This is where you tell me that what matters is on the inside. That inside you, there is a little dyke just like me? Oh no, she's nothing like you. She's a lot smarter than you. +Oh no, she's nothing like you. She's a lot smarter than you. Is that what her daddy tells her? +Is that what her daddy tells her? I know what I am. I don't need to have it tattooed on my shoulder. +I know what I am. I don't need to have it tattooed on my shoulder. What are you saying? That you don't have sex with men? +What are you saying? That you don't have sex with men? I don't. +I don't. For Christ's sake, Violet! I heard you! Thin walls, remember? +For Christ's sake, Violet! I heard you! Thin walls, remember? What you heard wasn't sex. +What you heard wasn't sex. What the fuck was it? +What the fuck was it? All my life, everyone has been telling me that when I have sex, I'm not really having sex. Not real sex. But they're wrong. I know what is and isn't sex and what you heard was definitely not sex. +All my life, everyone has been telling me that when I have sex, I'm not really having sex. Not real sex. But they're wrong. I know what is and isn't sex and what you heard was definitely not sex. What was it then? +What was it then? Work. +We make our own choices and we pay our own prices. I think we're more alike than you want to admit. What about that guy this morning? +What about that guy this morning? You mean Shelly? +You mean Shelly? Don't tell me, you're a workaholic. +Don't tell me, you're a workaholic. No. Shelly knows what I am. He saw me in a bar with another woman. +No. Shelly knows what I am. He saw me in a bar with another woman. I suppose he just wants to watch. +Fuck it! I think you better leave. I think so, too. +Shelly was skimming from the business. He came to see me yesterday because he was afraid Caesar figured it out. He wanted to run but he wanted me to come with him. Even though he knew about you? +Even though he knew about you? Yes. +Yes. He was in love with you, right? +He was in love with you, right? That's what he told himself. But it wasn't even about me, it was about Caesar. He wanted what Caesar had. That's how they are. I understand them. +For Shelly, taking the money was a way to take from Caesar. He could have run at any time, but he didn't because he didn't want out. Sounds like he wanted to get caught. +Sounds like he wanted to get caught. Maybe he did. He would brag to me all the time. He was never afraid of Caesar because he didn't know him. Not like I do. +Caesar lives for these moments. He tells me it's just the business, but I know it's more than that. He likes it. The violence. I'll catch him in the bathroom mirror touching his scars. He says they remind him who he his. They're all like that. Except maybe Mickey. Mickey? +Mickey? He's the part of the business that the rest of them pretend to be. |But Mickey doesn't like it like they do. I suppose that's why he's good at it. +I want out. I want a new life. I see what I've been waiting for, but I need you, Corky. For what? +For what? You made a choice once. Do you think you would make that same choice again? +You made a choice once. Do you think you would make that same choice again? What choice? +What choice? If those quarters fell to the floor, would you still reach up to that cash register? +Caesar is going to get the money and bring -- How much money? +How much money? Shelly said it was over two million dollars. +Caesar will bring it to the apartment to count and go through |Shelly's books to figure out how he did it. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Do you have any idea what you are saying? You are asking me to help you fuck the mob. +These people are serious, Violet. If you want to know how serious, ask Shelly. They're worse than any cop because they have lots of money and no rules. You fuck them, you've got to do it right. That's why I need your help. You said you were good. +That's why I need your help. You said you were good. I am, but ... +All right, let's say for the moment that I believe everything you are saying. You think I'm lying? +You think I'm lying? I didn't say that, but since you did, let's say that you are. It would have been easy to set Shelly up. You could have got him killed knowing that Caesar would bring the money to the apartment. +All you would need to keep yourself clean would be someone unconnected, someone like me. Is that what you think? +Is that what you think? I'm just making a point. You have no idea what you're asking. How much trust two people need to do something like this. +The difference is, I can have sex with someone I just met, someone I hardly know, but to steal I need to know someone like I know myself. Do you think you know me like that? +Do you think you know me like that? I think ... +You said he washed the money? Yeah. +Yeah. Then what? Exactly. +Then what? Exactly. He hung it up. +He hung it up. What? +What? To let it dry. +And where is it now? In his office. I saw it this morning. +It's in a case, on his desk. Does the case lock? +Yes. Good. +All right, now, tell me about Johnnie. Johnnie? +Johnnie? It sounded like he and Caesar don't like each other. +It sounded like he and Caesar don't like each other. Like each other? They hate each other. +Like each other? They hate each other. Why? +Why? It started way before I was around. I think basically it's because he thinks Johnnie is a complete idiot. But Johnnie runs Chicago because Gino is his father. +It started way before I was around. I think basically it's because he thinks Johnnie is a complete idiot. But Johnnie runs Chicago because Gino is his father. Who is Gino? +Gino Marzzone. Marzzone? As in Angelo Marzzone, head of the Marzzone family? +Marzzone? As in Angelo Marzzone, head of the Marzzone family? That's his brother. +That's his brother. ... shit. +Gino Marzzone is coming tonight to pick up the money? Yeah. +Yeah. And Johnnie is his son, that's Johnnie Marzzone? +And Johnnie is his son, that's Johnnie Marzzone? Yeah. +Yeah. Sweet Jesus. +Gino Marzzone is coming to your apartment. It's a big deal, isn't it? That means Caesar will be ready. He doesn't want to look like an idiot. Gino has been there before? Yeah, twice. +Yeah, twice. What happened? +What happened? Not much, really. Caesar was nervous, kept cleaning the apartment. |The first time, he picked out the dress he wanted me to wear. +Does Johnnie hit on you? Johnnie hits on anything in high heels. +Johnnie hits on anything in high heels. Has Caesar ever seen him? +Has Caesar ever seen him? He does it right in front of him. +He does it right in front of him. It's getting better and better. Keep going. +It's getting better and better. Keep going. Gino doesn't know English, or at least he pretends he doesn't, so he doesn't talk much. He gets right to the point. Both times they talked for about five minutes, had one drink and then they left. +Gino doesn't know English, or at least he pretends he doesn't, so he doesn't talk much. He gets right to the point. Both times they talked for about five minutes, had one drink and then they left. What did Gino drink? +What did Gino drink? Scotch, Glenlivet. I remember that Caesar made a huge deal about it. +What time did you say they would be there? The plane is in at seven, so I'd say about eight. +The plane is in at seven, so I'd say about eight. Any bodyguards? +Any bodyguards? Gino travels with a big man named Roy. Caesar calls him the driver. +Gino travels with a big man named Roy. Caesar calls him the driver. Fine. +We want him to come down, to relax, feel in control again. Poor boy, has to work so hard. +Where will you be? Waiting in the apartment next door. +And as you do, the bottle will slip from your hands. -- and shatter against the hardwood floor. An accident. +An accident. Shit! Oh shit! +What if he sees you? He won't. +You can't know for certain that he won't see you. Trust me, Violet. +I'm just asking, what if? If he does ... +There is no going back. When I get the Scotch, how do I know you won't take off? +When I get the Scotch, how do I know you won't take off? The same way I'll know that you went to Scotch. Trust. +I still don't see how I'm going to get clean with the money in the apartment. Everyone will think I did it. Not Caesar. +Not Caesar. Why? +Why? Because of what you are going to tell him. You have to make it as real as you can. The moment you open the door with the Scotch in your hand, you will be covered, and that moment is the most important moment in the plan. +If it's real enough, he'll believe it, because deep down he'll want to. C! Shit, I'm sorry! +He'll have to run. If he runs, everyone will assume he took the money. +If he runs, everyone will assume he took the money. You'll be clean and we'll be rich. +Jesus, that's beautiful. Thank you. +Thank you. If you're this goddamn smart, how did you ever get caught? +If you're this goddamn smart, how did you ever get caught? Every job like this has moments where things don't go so well and everyone starts thinking about their own ass. It's in those moments that everything comes together or falls apart. +I had a partner and she fucked me. I won't. +I won't. I think we're going to find out. +It's me. What happened? +He totally freaked. I've never seen him like this. He's out of his fucking mind. That's okay, as long as he believes it was Johnnie. +That's okay, as long as he believes it was Johnnie. Believes it! Jesus, it's driving him crazy. He wants to kill him. I don't know, Corky, I don't know what he is going to do. I'm getting nervous, really nervous. +Believes it! Jesus, it's driving him crazy. He wants to kill him. I don't know, Corky, I don't know what he is going to do. I'm getting nervous, really nervous. It's all right, Violet. It's working. All we got to do is wait him out and see what he does. +It's all right, Violet. It's working. All we got to do is wait him out and see what he does. What if he doesn't run? +What if he doesn't run? That means he probably will kill Johnnie. +That means he probably will kill Johnnie. Oh, Christ, I got to get out of here! +Oh, Christ, I got to get out of here! Listen, if he doesn't run, all you have to do is break down, go to your bedroom and pack some things, start crying, saying you love him but you can't do it. You're sorry but you have to leave and just walk out. +Listen, if he doesn't run, all you have to do is break down, go to your bedroom and pack some things, start crying, saying you love him but you can't do it. You're sorry but you have to leave and just walk out. okay, all right. +okay, all right. We're almost there, Violet. just hang on. +Oh, thank God. I'm still here. +I'm still here. I was so afraid you ... +I was so afraid you ... You don't quit on me, Violet, and I won't quit on you. +I'm sorry, Corky ... Don't be sorry. Help me. +Hey. Hey. +Hey. How'd it go? +How'd it go? I'm here, aren't I? +You know what the difference is between us, Violet? No. +No. ... Me neither. +Hey, Caesar! You take care of this girl, or I find out! You are as radiant as ever, Violet. +No, Johnnie. No goddamned phones. Not now. Pop? +Pop? Caesar, come here. Sit. We talk now. You too, Johnnie. +Done. We go now. Jesus Christ, Pop. You got two hours until your plane leaves. +Unbelievable. Can you believe that, Violet? Hey, Johnnie ... +Johnnie, what did I say? Pop, this is important to me. It's a simple question. if he would just answer the question, that's the end of it. +You shouldn't have to see this. Why don't you get out of here? Go for a walk. Caesar wants me to stay. +Caesar wants me to stay. Don't worry about Caesar. I'll handle Caesar. You just get out of here, okay? +Oh, God. Caesar? What the fuck time is it? +Mickey? What are you doing here? Violet, it's Gino and Johnnie. They were in a car accident. +Violet, it's Gino and Johnnie. They were in a car accident. Oh my God. Was anyone hurt? +Oh my God. Was anyone hurt? I think everything is okay. +Mickey! Oh God, Mickey! Violet? +I will never understand it, Mickey. You didn't even call the police. I told you, the family doesn't want the police around. We want to take care of it ourselves and we will. I'll find him. I swear I will. +I told you, the family doesn't want the police around. We want to take care of it ourselves and we will. I'll find him. I swear I will. I know you will. +I know you will. Sure you're going to be okay? I mean, if you're having second thoughts, my offer still stands. +Sure you're going to be okay? I mean, if you're having second thoughts, my offer still stands. Thanks, Mickey, but I need to get out, you know? Get away from all of this. +Storm clouds are gathering, Ted. It looks like rain and I don't have a thing to wear. I don't know what we're talking about. +I don't know what we're talking about. We're talking about Marseille. We're talking about Nykwana Wombosi. And I'm asking you if this abortion in Marseille has anything to do with Treadstone. Was this Treadstone? +We're talking about Marseille. We're talking about Nykwana Wombosi. And I'm asking you if this abortion in Marseille has anything to do with Treadstone. Was this Treadstone? You're asking me a direct question? +You're asking me a direct question? Yes. +Yes. I thought you were never going to do that. +They're putting together an agency oversight committee. They're going to look through everyone's budgets. Treadstone is a rather sizable line item in my ledger. What am I going to do about that? You'd want to make that go away. You'd want to remind them that Treadstone is a training organization. That it's all theoretical. You'd want to sign off on that. +You'd want to make that go away. You'd want to remind them that Treadstone is a training organization. That it's all theoretical. You'd want to sign off on that. And what if I couldn't do that? +And what if I couldn't do that? Then I'd have to explain Treadstone. And you'd have to explain how you let me get this far. Doesn't sound like much of a Plan-B, does it? We'll clean up the field. You clean up your budgets. +She's a gypsy. If it's a cover, it's a great one. I'm assuming we're exploring that possibility. +I'm assuming we're exploring that possibility. We're exploring every possibility. We are in pursuit. How much more do you want me to tell you? +We're exploring every possibility. We are in pursuit. How much more do you want me to tell you? Pursuit would indicate that you know exactly where he is. +Pursuit would indicate that you know exactly where he is. No. Pursuit ends when we know exactly where he is. +No. Pursuit ends when we know exactly where he is. Yes, well, I think we need some fresh eyes on this problem. I'm bringing in some people from upstairs. +We've been down here for two weeks banging our heads against the wall. We've been sleeping down here. We just got our first lead fourteen hours ago, and now? -- now that we finally have something to work with -- you want to bring planning personnel down here? I'd rethink that. I want a second opinion. +I want a second opinion. This is an operations desk. +This is an operations desk. I'm not asking. +That was two hours -- two hours to get a second opinion -- and nothing changes. He's loose. He's out of control. It's very clear what needs to happen. I have work to do. What if he is working for someone else? What if he turned? +What if he is working for someone else? What if he turned? Turn? To who? Where does he turn? What does he have to offer? He's got nothing. He's a killer. He's a piece of equipment for crissake. Where's he gonna turn? +No. We can't risk it. Our last sighting was forty-eight hours ago. Even if they stayed in the car, the grid is huge. This is it. He's trained -- conditioned -- they're built to disappear. You give him another day to run and we may never find him. +Our last sighting was forty-eight hours ago. Even if they stayed in the car, the grid is huge. This is it. He's trained -- conditioned -- they're built to disappear. You give him another day to run and we may never find him. This doesn't go upstairs. +-- he went inside! -- -- if we can get a clean shot -- +-- if we can get a clean shot -- -- inside the house? -- +-- inside the house? -- -- that's what they're trained for -- just a surgical strike. +-- that's what they're trained for -- just a surgical strike. Forget it. +Forget it. What do you want to do? +What do you want to do? We don't know what we're into! +We don't know what we're into! We're in the shitter, man! Pick your poison. Maybe he's in there to finish the job. Maybe he's working for Wombosi. Maybe they want to go on TV together. Every possibility sucks -- we've got to move! +I'm going to Paris. No you're not. You're not going anywhere. I'm shutting this down. +No you're not. You're not going anywhere. I'm shutting this down. You're not doing shit. You're so scared you can't even think. +You're not doing shit. You're so scared you can't even think. You just blew up a house in Paris! This program is over. Call it off. +You just blew up a house in Paris! This program is over. Call it off. I can't call it off. He's not responding. Get out of my way. +I won't ask again. I work alone. Like you... ...we always work alone. +I work alone. Like you... ...we always work alone. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Who are you? Rome? Paris? Treadstone...both of us...I was warned but... +Who are you? Rome? Paris? Treadstone...both of us...I was warned but... Treadstone? +Treadstone? ...which one are you?... +Paris. I live in Paris... ...headaches...you have that...I get such bad headaches... +...headaches...you have that...I get such bad headaches... Yes. +Yes. ...it's a problem... +Treadstone. ...or in a car...when it's dark...something with the headlights... ...pills, right? Treadstone had those pills... +...or in a car...when it's dark...something with the headlights... ...pills, right? Treadstone had those pills... What is Treadstone? +What is Treadstone? ...what did you do?...you must've really fucked up... +...what did you do?...you must've really fucked up... I think so. +I think so. ...someone said caffeine -- for a headache...doesn't seem... +...someone said caffeine -- for a headache...doesn't seem... What do they want me to do? +What do they want me to do? ...they won't let you go... +...they won't let you go... Why? +Are you Treadstone? Am I Treadstone? Me? What the hell're you talking about? +What did you do to me? What did I do? I spent thirty million dollars on you. I spent three years finding you -- four years training you -- What did I do? What in the name of God have you been doing, Jason? +What did I do? I spent thirty million dollars on you. I spent three years finding you -- four years training you -- What did I do? What in the name of God have you been doing, Jason? I don't know. +I don't know. They're right about you, aren't they? You're fried. You really don't know what's going on, do you? +They're right about you, aren't they? You're fried. You really don't know what's going on, do you? I know you've been trying to kill me. +I know you've been trying to kill me. Of course. We had to try. We didn't know what was wrong. We didn't know you were in trouble. +Of course. We had to try. We didn't know what was wrong. We didn't know you were in trouble. So now you know. +So now you know. So it's time to go home. +So it's time to go home. That's all I get? +That's all I get? We'll make you better. We can put the pieces back. We can do that. +We'll make you better. We can put the pieces back. We can do that. I don't think so. +I don't think so. We have to go home, Jason. +We have to go home, Jason. Jason Bourne is dead. +Jason Bourne is dead. There never was a Jason Bourne. You have to come with me. It's the only way. We can give it back to you... +There never was a Jason Bourne. You have to come with me. It's the only way. We can give it back to you... Keep it. +Keep it. Jason... They can't let you go... +Jason... They can't let you go... That'll be their second worst mistake. +Did you bring investment advice for me tonight? It was tax shelters, wasn't it? Swiss debenture-swaps. MPG Capital. +MPG Capital. I think investment advice from a dead man, it's a bad idea. How does it feel to be dead? +I think investment advice from a dead man, it's a bad idea. How does it feel to be dead? It's a lot more stressful than I thought. +Who do you think sent me? I know who sent you. I don't know why. I learned many, many things from the CIA. Many things. I learned the way they think. Was the bomb on my boat supposed to go off or not? +Was this a game or a fuck up? I don't know. +I don't know. Get the kids out! +You're a U.S. Citizen? Yes. I mean, I think so. Yes. Yes... +Yes. I mean, I think so. Yes. Yes... Well, either you are, or you aren't. +Well, either you are, or you aren't. Right. +Right. You have your passport? +You have your passport? I have a passport. I've got... Actually, it's a little complicated. +I have a passport. I've got... Actually, it's a little complicated. Do you have your passport, sir? +Do you have your passport, sir? Look, maybe I should just... +Look, maybe I should just... Sir, you waited on line. +Sir, you waited on line. Yeah, I know... +Paris? Yes, sir... How can I help you? +Yes, sir... How can I help you? Yes, I'm...I'm looking for Mr. Jason Bourne. +Yes, I'm...I'm looking for Mr. Jason Bourne. One moment, please... I'm afraid, I have no one by that name registered, sir. +One moment, please... I'm afraid, I have no one by that name registered, sir. D'accord... Merci. Un moment -- un moment -- +D'accord... Merci. Un moment -- un moment -- -- sir? -- +-- sir? -- -- hang on -- I need you to check another name for me -- hang on -- un moment, s'il vous plait -- +Kane. Do you have Mr. John Michael Kane? One moment, sir. +Bonjour? Monsieur? Allo... Yes, I'm here... +Yes, I'm here... You call about Monsieur Kane? John Michael Kane? +You call about Monsieur Kane? John Michael Kane? Yes. Is he there? +Yes. Is he there? You are a friend of his? +You are a friend of his? Yes. +Yes. I have some very bad news for you, sir. I'm terrible sorry to have to tell you this, but Monsieur Kane has passed away almost two weeks ago... +There was an accident. On the motorway. Apparently, he was killed instantly. Really, I'm terrible sorry to be the one to tell you this... ...I understand... +...I understand... ...we actually, we were unaware for several days that this had happened. When they came for his things, it was made known for us, you see? +...we actually, we were unaware for several days that this had happened. When they came for his things, it was made known for us, you see? Who? Who came? +Who? Who came? His brother. You know his brother? +His brother. You know his brother? Right. Yes. Of course. +Right. Yes. Of course. It's very bad this. Terrible sad. Such a young man. +It's very bad this. Terrible sad. Such a young man. Do you -- his brother -- do you have a phone number? +Do you -- his brother -- do you have a phone number? I think not... No, I'm sorry. It was very sudden. He was here very briefly. +Mr. Kane... Come right in...please...have a seat. Thanks. +Well... I must admit, when my assistant told me you were here I was, really -- I was quite -- I was surprised. Really. +Really. We thought you were gone for good. +We thought you were gone for good. Did you? +Did you? Well, I mean it's a tough business, isn't it? Cutthroat. +Look, our bid -- it was competitive -- but definitely at the high end of competitive -- when we didn't hear back from you, we did some re-analysis of the numbers, and honestly, we'd really like a chance to do a bit better. I'm assuming you're still in the market. It's the same vessel? Yes. +Yes. We just picked up a job quite like the one we were bidding for you. Gorgeous boat, hundred-and-seventy- five-foot pleasure cruiser. I think we learned a few things that might allow us to make our proposal for your job, as I said, a bit more competitive. +We just picked up a job quite like the one we were bidding for you. Gorgeous boat, hundred-and-seventy- five-foot pleasure cruiser. I think we learned a few things that might allow us to make our proposal for your job, as I said, a bit more competitive. Okay. +Was it the break-in? Excuse me? +Excuse me? We also thought we hadn't heard from you -- we've had a bit of a publicity nightmare, people have been talking. Our offices were broken into -- vandalism mostly -- shortly after we last spoke. +We also thought we hadn't heard from you -- we've had a bit of a publicity nightmare, people have been talking. Our offices were broken into -- vandalism mostly -- shortly after we last spoke. I hadn't heard. +Let me get you a new copy of the proposal. That'd be great. +I need a ride out of here. Oh, Jesus... +Oh, Jesus... Please. I don't want to scare you. +Please. I don't want to scare you. It's a little late for that. +It's a little late for that. I've got a situation here and -- +I've got a situation here and -- Get the fuck away from my car. +Get the fuck away from my car. I'll give you ten thousand dollars to drive me to Paris. +I'll give you ten thousand dollars to drive me to Paris. Great. You know what? I'll give you ten gazillion dollars to get the fuck away from me before I start screaming my head off. +Great. You know what? I'll give you ten gazillion dollars to get the fuck away from me before I start screaming my head off. You don't want the police any more than I do. +Jesus... Get me out of here. Please. +So what's in Paris? I want to go home. +I want to go home. For twenty thousand dollars. +I said ten thousand. You have blood on your pants. +You have blood on your pants. Okay. Twenty thousand. Ten now. Ten there. +Okay. Twenty thousand. Ten now. Ten there. No. No, that was too easy -- +No. No, that was too easy -- Wait up -- -- just wait up -- +Wait up -- -- just wait up -- -- get the fuck out of here -- all this money, this crazy offer, I mean give me a fucking break with this, this is -- +Look, I want a ride to Paris. That's all I want. I swear. You swear? That's great. I feel so much better now. +You swear? That's great. I feel so much better now. I don't want anything but a ride. All I want to do is go home. +You could buy a car for twenty grand. You could buy this car. I don't want to go alone. I want you to drive me to Paris. Like we're a couple. Like we're a couple and we're travelling together. That's all we're doing. +I don't want to go alone. I want you to drive me to Paris. Like we're a couple. Like we're a couple and we're travelling together. That's all we're doing. And I don't get hurt. I get twenty thousand dollars and I don't get hurt. +And I don't get hurt. I get twenty thousand dollars and I don't get hurt. I won't hurt you. +I won't hurt you. What if I say no? +What if I say no? Then I'll find another ride. +Just so you know, if you're gonna burn me on the money, you might as well kill me. I was supposed to have this car back three days ago. It's not my car. I know that. +Shit -- Can I tell you how much you're freaking me out? Okay? Because you are -- you're completely freaking me out. I'm sorry. Really. What do you want me to do? +I'm sorry. Really. What do you want me to do? I don't know. Smile. Sneeze. Something. You've got a bag full of money and a ride to Paris. Fuck it, I don't know... What kind of music do you like? +I don't know. Smile. Sneeze. Something. You've got a bag full of money and a ride to Paris. Fuck it, I don't know... What kind of music do you like? I don't know. +I don't know. What does that mean? +What does that mean? Listen to what you want. +Listen to what you want. Who pays twenty thousand dollars for a ride to Paris? +I don't know. I don't know who I am. Yeah, well, welcome to the club. +Yeah, well, welcome to the club. No. No, I mean, I really don't know who I am. I can't remember anything earlier than two weeks ago. I'm serious. +No. No, I mean, I really don't know who I am. I can't remember anything earlier than two weeks ago. I'm serious. What? Like amnesia? +What? Like amnesia? Look, go ahead...put the radio on... +Look, go ahead...put the radio on... Amnesia? You're saying you don't remember anything that happened before two weeks ago? +Amnesia? You're saying you don't remember anything that happened before two weeks ago? That's what I'm saying. +And you have no idea -- not a clue -- what came before that? No. +No. When you think of it, before the ship -- before you wake up on the ship, what do you see? +When you think of it, before the ship -- before you wake up on the ship, what do you see? Nothing. It's just not there. +Nothing. It's just not there. Well, this is great. I'm sick of myself and you have no idea who you are. +Well, this is great. I'm sick of myself and you have no idea who you are. I kept trying things, I thought if I could find all the things I could do, I could -- +I kept trying things, I thought if I could find all the things I could do, I could -- -- you could put it together -- +-- you could put it together -- -- which was okay for a while, I was okay with it... But then -- there's all these other things -- all these other things I know how to do -- and this -- this stuff from the bank and... I think something bad happened. +-- which was okay for a while, I was okay with it... But then -- there's all these other things -- all these other things I know how to do -- and this -- this stuff from the bank and... I think something bad happened. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I don't know. +I don't know. Sounds like you were in an accident or something. +Sounds like you were in an accident or something. I was shot twice in the back. +I was shot twice in the back. Okay, so you're a victim. +Okay, so you're a victim. There was a gun. Who has a safe deposit box with a gun and all this money and all these passports? +There was a gun. Who has a safe deposit box with a gun and all this money and all these passports? Lots of people have guns. You're American. Americans love guns. +Lots of people have guns. You're American. Americans love guns. I fought my way out of an embassy. I climbed down a fifty-foot wall -- I went out the window and I was doing it -- I just did it. I knew how to do it. +I fought my way out of an embassy. I climbed down a fifty-foot wall -- I went out the window and I was doing it -- I just did it. I knew how to do it. People do amazing things when they're scared. +People do amazing things when they're scared. Why do I? -- I come in here -- instinctively -- first thing I do -- I'm looking for the exit -- I'm catching the sightlines -- I know I can't sit with my back to the door -- +Why do I? -- I come in here -- instinctively -- first thing I do -- I'm looking for the exit -- I'm catching the sightlines -- I know I can't sit with my back to the door -- You're paranoid. You were shot. It's natural. +I needed a break. Where are we? +Where are we? We're about an hour away. +We're about an hour away. I can't believe I slept. +I can't believe I slept. You were tired. Here... For twenty-thousand I like to throw in breakfast. So what do you dream about? +You were tired. Here... For twenty-thousand I like to throw in breakfast. So what do you dream about? I dream I'm asleep. I dream that I'm asleep and I can't wake up. I don't think I smoke. +You ever think maybe you have a family? I thought about it. I don't know. +Slow down. No, don't stop. Just... That's it? Is that it? +Four-fifty. That's the address... Looks familiar? +Looks familiar? No. No. Go around. Keep going... +Where? Yeah. Pull in here. Park it. +So this is it, right? I guess. +I should go. I don't remember any of this. +I don't remember any of this. Jason... +Okay, so... Thanks for the ride. +Thanks for the ride. Anytime. +Look, I don't know what's up there. You got me pretty fucking curious. +You got me pretty fucking curious. Look, you could come up. Or you could wait if you want. I could go check it out. You could wait. +Look, you could come up. Or you could wait if you want. I could go check it out. You could wait. Nah... With you, I mean, you'd probably just forget about me, right? +Nah... With you, I mean, you'd probably just forget about me, right? How could I forget about you? You're the only person I know. +This is like a real apartment. This is really yours? I guess so. +This is your office? God, you live like a monk... All this stuff -- it's all about boats. I think I'm in the shipping business. +All this stuff -- it's all about boats. I think I'm in the shipping business. See. It's starting to come back, yeah? You mind if I take a bath? +See. It's starting to come back, yeah? You mind if I take a bath? Go ahead. +-- no -- Marie -- no! -- it's not like that -- -- please -- Jason -- omigod -- +-- please -- Jason -- omigod -- -- quiet -- quiet -- +-- what're you doing? -- Jason, please, tell me what's happening! Open it -- -- do it -- what's he got in there? +WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? ...omigod, no... +What? -- what? -- -- what is it? ...this is my picture... he's got my picture -- -- this is me -- this is Zurich -- this...this...this is yesterday -- +...this is my picture... he's got my picture -- -- this is me -- this is Zurich -- this...this...this is yesterday -- -- just -- +-- just -- -- where does this come from? -- How do you have my picture? +-- where does this come from? -- How do you have my picture? Marie, just -- -- just stay there! -- just -- +Marie, just -- -- just stay there! -- just -- -- he's got my picture! -- this is yesterday! -- this is me! -- -- where did you get my picture? -- +-- he's got my picture! -- this is yesterday! -- this is me! -- -- where did you get my picture? -- -- let me do this, okay? -- +-- let me do this, okay? -- -- do what? -- what are you doing? -- he's got my picture -- -- he's -- my God -- look at him -- he's bleeding to death -- my picture -- look! -- he was trying to kill us! -- omigod -- +He's dead isn't he? Marie -- look at me -- there's no time for this -- +Marie -- look at me -- there's no time for this -- He went out the window -- why? -- why would someone do that? +He went out the window -- why? -- why would someone do that? -- we can't stay here -- I can't stay here -- it's not safe here -- +-- we can't stay here -- I can't stay here -- it's not safe here -- He came to kill us. +He came to kill us. -- we can go -- I can get us out of here -- but we have to go now -- +-- we can go -- I can get us out of here -- but we have to go now -- You knew he was coming. +You knew he was coming. No. +No. I trusted you. +I trusted you. You're wrong. I didn't know. +You're wrong. I didn't know. I don't trust anybody and I trusted you! +I don't trust anybody and I trusted you! I didn't know this would happen. +I didn't know this would happen. He had my picture! He knew I was here! He came here to kill us! +He had my picture! He knew I was here! He came here to kill us! And where is he now? You believe what you want, but I'm telling you the truth -- I never would have brought you here if I thought it was dangerous. +And where is he now? You believe what you want, but I'm telling you the truth -- I never would have brought you here if I thought it was dangerous. Oh, Jesus... +Oh, Jesus... You stay -- if you want, you stay -- it's okay -- it's better -- maybe it's better -- I don't know -- But I can't stay here. I can't. +You stay -- if you want, you stay -- it's okay -- it's better -- maybe it's better -- I don't know -- But I can't stay here. I can't. But the police -- +But the police -- -- there's no time -- +-- there's no time -- -- we'll explain it -- +-- we'll explain it -- -- how? -- +-- how? -- -- there's two of us -- we'll tell them -- we'll just -- +-- there's two of us -- we'll tell them -- we'll just -- -- forget it -- +-- forget it -- -- we'll tell them what happened -- +-- we'll tell them what happened -- I don't know what happened! I don't know who he is! I don't know what he wants! I don't even know who I am! The only thing I know is that if I stay here, I'm never gonna find out! +You stayed there five times in the past six months. But I didn't have time -- I could only get the bill from the last stay -- you were there for two days. Some room service -- there's half a dozen phone calls here so that's someth-- Who paid the bill? +Who paid the bill? It's a company... MPG Capital. +I found it. It took six calls. I found Kane. I found the body. Let's go -- We got to get away from this phone. +-- I don't know what you're doing and you're scaring me -- what are you looking for? -- what just happened in there? -- Nykwana Wombosi. +Nykwana Wombosi. What is that? +What is that? It's a name. Mr. Wombosi owns a thirty million dollar yacht. He's the proud owner of an Alliance Security package. He also paid a visit to the morgue to see John Michael Kane. +It's a name. Mr. Wombosi owns a thirty million dollar yacht. He's the proud owner of an Alliance Security package. He also paid a visit to the morgue to see John Michael Kane. What does that mean? Jason, what does that mean? Jason, please...who is he? +What does that mean? Jason, what does that mean? Jason, please...who is he? I don't know. +I don't know. So what are we doing? +So what are we doing? Go back to the hotel. +It doesn't matter who you were before. It's who you want to be. That's all that matters. We have this money. We have what we have. I had nothing before and now, I don't know, maybe I have more, maybe it's nothing, but... I say we leave here. We leave this place. We go until we can't go anymore. You could do that? +You could do that? Yes. That's who I want to be. +xxxxxx. xxxxxx +Stop where you are. What? +xxxxxx xxxxxx +xxxxxx I won't let that happen. +xxxxxx xxxxxx +Who is it? We have to keep moving. +xxxxxx xxxxxx +xxxxxx xxxxxx +xxxxxx xxxxxx +xxxxxx xxxxxx +xxxxxx xxxxxx +xxxxxx xxxxxx +And that's it? If you're lucky. Take it. There's enough in there to make a life. Any life. Just get out now. Get low. Stay low. Take it. +What was I thinking, right? I can't protect you anymore. +I can't protect you anymore. What about you? +What about you? I'm gonna find the end of this. I can't protect you. +Can I help you? This your store? +This your store? Yes. +Yes. Think I could rent a scooter? +Think I could rent a scooter? You have ID? +You have ID? Not really. +Where did this body go? I said, someone came last night -- Look, this isn't a carnival -- people call and they make an appointment and they follow the rules -- everyone signs in and out -- this is a serious place -- serious work -- it's not just to come in whenever you like -- +I said, someone came last night -- Look, this isn't a carnival -- people call and they make an appointment and they follow the rules -- everyone signs in and out -- this is a serious place -- serious work -- it's not just to come in whenever you like -- Shit, we didn't sign in. +Shit, we didn't sign in. So get the hell out of here. +So get the hell out of here. Fine. But I'd like to sign in. In fact, I insist on it. Where's the book? I gotta sign in -- +Is this it? -- -- this is it, right? -- -- slow down -- you can't just take the book like that -- +-- slow down -- you can't just take the book like that -- -- don't sweat it, I have a pen -- no problem -- just let me find the page -- -- honey, why don't you wait for me outside, okay? -- +-- we have rules here, this is a very serious place -- I'm the one who decides who gets in here, okay? -- -- what do I? -- I put the name of the person I came to see? -- +-- what do I? -- I put the name of the person I came to see? -- -- this is serious business down here and we cannot have people coming and going -- +-- this is serious business down here and we cannot have people coming and going -- -- here we go -- I found it -- +Where's the dog? My husband's out looking for him. +My husband's out looking for him. He run away often? +He run away often? That old beast? Miss his breakfast? Not a chance. It's always something, right? +Get in the basement. What? +What? Get everyone down in the basement. +What the hell're you talking about? You're in danger. All of you. I have no time to explain. +You're in danger. All of you. I have no time to explain. Wait a minute -- +Wait a minute -- I'm sorry. +Miss Kreutz, please... I'm gonna have to ask you to keep your voice down. All the papers -- all the papers they asked for -- I brought all the papers -- +All the papers -- all the papers they asked for -- I brought all the papers -- Miss Kreutz, excuse me, but you entered into a fraudulent marriage in an effort to circumvent the immigration laws of the United States -- +Miss Kreutz, excuse me, but you entered into a fraudulent marriage in an effort to circumvent the immigration laws of the United States -- You only know that because I told you! Ask the case officer -- find his name -- it's on the papers -- I told him all this myself! -- +You only know that because I told you! Ask the case officer -- find his name -- it's on the papers -- I told him all this myself! -- -- it's not the source of the information that's important here -- +-- it's not the source of the information that's important here -- -- I paid this fucking guy -- I paid him four thousand dollars -- my last four thousand dollars to marry me, okay? -- I told this to the case officer last week... ...here -- Mr. Thomas. I told Mr. Thomas I didn't know this guy was already married -- I admitted this! +-- I paid this fucking guy -- I paid him four thousand dollars -- my last four thousand dollars to marry me, okay? -- I told this to the case officer last week... ...here -- Mr. Thomas. I told Mr. Thomas I didn't know this guy was already married -- I admitted this! -- Miss Kreutz, please -- +-- Miss Kreutz, please -- -- I'm the one that got ripped off! -- not you -- not the United States government -- me -- I'm the one being ripped off! +-- I'm the one that got ripped off! -- not you -- not the United States government -- me -- I'm the one being ripped off! So now you're asking for a student visa? +xxxxxx... xxxxxx +And that's the best angle of the courtyard? That's the only angle. +That's the only angle. What do they have on the streets? The area. They must have something. +What do they have on the streets? The area. They must have something. Hang on... +Sir... What's that? +What's that? It's an angle of the street -- some sort of alleyway -- you can just... +It's an angle of the street -- some sort of alleyway -- you can just... Enhance it. +-- let's check that Interpol window again -- -- I'm on it -- +-- I'm on it -- -- I want that red car -- the girl -- we gotta get lucky here -- +What? Abbott wants to talk. +Abbott wants to talk. Tell him we're busy. +Tell him we're busy. I tried. +-- and they're sure it's him? -- -- he accessed the account -- +-- he accessed the account -- -- but it was him -- +-- but it was him -- -- yes, sir, it's confirmed -- +What? Zurich police are looking for an American with a red bag. Apparently he put two cops in the hospital last night. +What the fuck is he doing? Maybe it's a game. Maybe he's trying to send us a message. +Maybe it's a game. Maybe he's trying to send us a message. It doesn't matter now. We've just got to be the first ones there. Get everybody up. I want them all activated. +It doesn't matter now. We've just got to be the first ones there. Get everybody up. I want them all activated. All of them? +What? Abbott. He knows about the embassy. He's coming down for a show and tell. +Abbott. He knows about the embassy. He's coming down for a show and tell. That'll solve all our problems. +-- what're you talking about? -- -- we're evacuating the building -- +-- we're evacuating the building -- -- we're in the middle of a trade meeting! -- +-- we're in the middle of a trade meeting! -- -- call the code! -- I want everyone out! -- +-- call the code! -- I want everyone out! -- -- you gotta give me more to go on -- +-- you gotta give me more to go on -- -- he's running from the cops, he's got a bag filled with God knows what, he's in the building and I don't know where! -- +You're awake. Can you hear me? You've been shot. I'm trying to help you. You were in the water. You've been shot. It's okay now. Where am I? +Where am I? You're American. I thought so. From your teeth -- the dental work -- +You're American. I thought so. From your teeth -- the dental work -- Where am I? +Where am I? You're on a boat. A fishing boat. Italian flag. We're out of Vietri. It's the cold that saved you. The water. The wounds are clean. I'm not a doctor, but the wounds, it looks okay. It's clean. +You're on a boat. A fishing boat. Italian flag. We're out of Vietri. It's the cold that saved you. The water. The wounds are clean. I'm not a doctor, but the wounds, it looks okay. It's clean. How did I get here? +How did I get here? You we're lost at sea. They pulled you out. Who are you? You were shot -- two bullets -- in the back. You understand me? Who are you? +What if it doesn't come back? I told you. You need to rest. +It came from your hip. Under the skin. You have a bank in Zurich. You remember Zurich? No. +Look, I'm just on this boat, okay? I'm an engineer. Whatever this is, it's not for me to be involved, okay? I don't remember Zurich. +You drink rum? I don't know. +It's not much, but it should get you to Switzerland. I won't forget this. +...ervices. Uh - what? - I ... +...Be back. Thank you. +...ergency procedures. I haven't got an emergency. Get out of here. +...your ducts? I fixed it myself. +... And then some. What have you done to my flat? +You telephone, sir. ...elephoned sir. +...elephoned sir. Trouble with your air-conditioning. +Trouble with your air-conditioning. ...ditioning. +...ixed itself. Machines don't fix themselves. +Machines don't fix themselves. ... fix themselves. +... fix themselves. He's tampered with it, Dowser. +He's tampered with it, Dowser. ...ampered. with it, Spoor. +I think we'd better have a look. ... have a look. +What have you got there? Got there! +Mumble ... mumble ... mumble ... Tuttle Mumble ... Tuttle ... +Mumble ... Tuttle ... Tuttle! ... mumble! You've had that scab Tuttle here, haven't you? +Tuttle! ... mumble! You've had that scab Tuttle here, haven't you? ...aven't you? +Oh yeh? Where'd you get this from eh out yer nostril? ...Yer nostril? +...Yer nostril? Central Services don't take kindly to sabotage! +Central Services don't take kindly to sabotage! ...sabotage! +...ven't you? You're putting your talents to very odd use Mr Lowry - yes, odd use - to pit wits against Central Services - +You're putting your talents to very odd use Mr Lowry - yes, odd use - to pit wits against Central Services - ...sod you, stupid twit. +Sign here, please. ... ere please. +This is what you get when you have cowboys round yer ducts. ... yer ducts. +... yer ducts. I think you've got your T41 crystal inductor wired up to a reverse bobbin- threaded-solenoid-control. It's either that or a new washer. +I think you've got your T41 crystal inductor wired up to a reverse bobbin- threaded-solenoid-control. It's either that or a new washer. ... new washer. +... new washer. Sign the form so we can get to it. +Sign the form so we can get to it. ... get to it. +Ah ha ... there you are, Sam. What? How do you know my name? +What? How do you know my name? We know everything here. This is the Storeroom of Knowledge. +We know everything here. This is the Storeroom of Knowledge. Then perhaps you can help me. I've lost someone who ... +Then perhaps you can help me. I've lost someone who ... We know that too. You've come to the right place. +Oh, yes. We've got everything here. Every bit of knowledge, wisdom, learning ... every experience, every thought neatly filed away. What? You mean you've got ... +What? You mean you've got ... Well not exactly. But, if you help us we'll help you. The Forces Of Darkness have won the day ... but, tomorrow is another one +Well not exactly. But, if you help us we'll help you. The Forces Of Darkness have won the day ... but, tomorrow is another one What do I have to do. +What do I have to do. You must save the day. +Er ... Thanks ... It's reply paid. +It's reply paid. Oh ... Thank you very much, mother, but actually - +Oh ... Thank you very much, mother, but actually - You don't have to sing it. +You don't have to sing it. Oh, right ... +Aren't you a bit late? - the party started half an hour ago. Yes, I know. It's the backlog, everybody complains. Was it all right otherwise? +Yes, I know. It's the backlog, everybody complains. Was it all right otherwise? Yes, it was ... very nice ... thank you. +Yes, it was ... very nice ... thank you. Do you mind if I use your bathroom? +Go away. Her name is Jill. +Her name is Jill. What? ...Jill? Jill who? Jill who? +What? ...Jill? Jill who? Jill who? Layton. +Layton. Jill Layton ... You're a very good little girl. What are you doing here? +Jill Layton ... You're a very good little girl. What are you doing here? I'm waiting for my daddy. +I'm waiting for my daddy. He will be pleased when he comes home. +Deputy minister, what do you believe is behind this recent increase in terrorist bombings? Bad sportsmanship. A ruthless minority of people seems to have forgotten certain good old fashioned virtues. They just can't stand seeing the other fellow win. If these people would just play the game, instead of standing on the touch line heckling - +Bad sportsmanship. A ruthless minority of people seems to have forgotten certain good old fashioned virtues. They just can't stand seeing the other fellow win. If these people would just play the game, instead of standing on the touch line heckling - In fact, killing people - +In fact, killing people - - In fact, killing people - they'd get a lot more out of life. +Mr. HELPMANN, what would you say to those critics who maintain that the Ministry Of Information has become too large and unwieldy ...? David ... in a free society information is the name of the game. You can't win the game if you're a man short. +And the cost of it all, Deputy Minister? Seven percent of the gross national produce ... I understand this concern on behalf of the tax-payers. People want value for money and a cost-effective service. +Do you think that the government is winning the battle against terrorists? On yes. Our morale is much higher than theirs, we're fielding all their strokes, running a lot of them out, and pretty consistently knocking them for six. I'd say they're nearly out of the game. +But the bombing campaign is now in its thirteenth year ... Beginner's luck. +Thank you very much, Deputy Minister. Thank you, David ... and a very merry Christmas to you all. +Thanks very much Sam. That's all right Mr Helpmann. Glad to help. +If I can help you ... Well, I ... +Sorry ... Your father and I were very close. Of course Jeremiah was senior to me but we were close friends ... especially after the bombing and I keep his name alive at the office every day. +I know he would have wanted me to help you ... And I promised your mother I'd take you onto the team at information Retrieval. But I gather that ... Mr Helpmann. I've changed my mind. I'd like to accept the transfer - am I too late? +Mr Helpmann. I've changed my mind. I'd like to accept the transfer - am I too late? Too late? That's for me to say. +Too late? That's for me to say. Well ... well, I ... +Sam, what are we going to do with you? Can you hear me, Sam? Where's Jill? What have you done to her? Where is she?! +Where's Jill? What have you done to her? Where is she?! Gillian Layton? +Gillian Layton? Yes, you've got to get me out of here. I've got to find her. +Yes, you've got to get me out of here. I've got to find her. I understand, Sam, I know exactly how you feel. So I brought you a bottle of barley water. +Help me! I assure you, Sam, I'm doing everything within my power. But the rules of the game are laid down, and we all have to play by them - even me. +I assure you, Sam, I'm doing everything within my power. But the rules of the game are laid down, and we all have to play by them - even me. This is all a mistake! Don't you understand?! +This is all a mistake! Don't you understand?! Yes, well, from the Department's point of view you're certainly a bit of an own goal, but ... +Yes, well, from the Department's point of view you're certainly a bit of an own goal, but ... I'm not a terrorist! You must know that! I'm not guilty! Get me out of here! +I'm not a terrorist! You must know that! I'm not guilty! Get me out of here! Sam, if you've been going out there and playing a straight bat, all the way down the line, you've got absolutely nothing to worry about. +Sam, if you've been going out there and playing a straight bat, all the way down the line, you've got absolutely nothing to worry about. Please, I've got to find Jill. +Please, I've got to find Jill. Sam, I think I ought to tell you ... I'm afraid she's upped stumps and retired to the pavilion. +Yes, it's all a bit confusing but, it seems she was killed resisting arrest. No, no ... I did that... +Sam! Jack! +Jack! Long time no see! +Long time no see! Well, since you disappeared up the ladder of Information Retrieval ... I don't expect to see you slumming in Records - what's the problem? +Well, since you disappeared up the ladder of Information Retrieval ... I don't expect to see you slumming in Records - what's the problem? Problem? - No problem - yes, everything's going fantastically well, wonderful, marvelous, great career prospects, Alison in great shape, kids fine, beautiful home, I'm on Security Level Five now, and Mr Helpmann relies on me more and more, yes, couldn't be better, I feel terrifically motivated and job- rewarded - +Problem? - No problem - yes, everything's going fantastically well, wonderful, marvelous, great career prospects, Alison in great shape, kids fine, beautiful home, I'm on Security Level Five now, and Mr Helpmann relies on me more and more, yes, couldn't be better, I feel terrifically motivated and job- rewarded - You sound worried. +You sound worried. Me? - if I'm worried about anyone, it's you. What happened to you, Sam? You were the brightest of us - +What's the matter? Sorry. Nothing. See you - I'm going to be late. +Sorry. Nothing. See you - I'm going to be late. You are late. +You are late. Even later. +Even later. Sam, your life is going wrong - let your friends tell you - Records is a dead end department, no Security Level worth a damn, it's impossible to get noticed - +Sam, your life is going wrong - let your friends tell you - Records is a dead end department, no Security Level worth a damn, it's impossible to get noticed - Yes, I know, fantastic, marvellous, wonderful - remember me to Alison - and the - er - twins. +Yes, I know, fantastic, marvellous, wonderful - remember me to Alison - and the - er - twins. Triplets. +Triplets. Really? - God, how time flies! +Hello, Jack! You remember Alison? +{winking at Sam) She doesn't like me telling anyone but she's pleased as anything really. Er, I knew you looked different. +Er, I knew you looked different. Remember how they used to stick out? +Remember how they used to stick out? What? - Oh, yes - vividly. I used to wonder if they were real. +Dr. Jaffe has pinned her ears back. Quite, absolutely - I always thought they were false. +Quite, absolutely - I always thought they were false. Mr Helpmann! +Jack!! SAM! What a surprise! +SAM! What a surprise! Are you officer 412/L? +Sorry about that ... Mr Helpmann told me you were coming aboard - congratulations! Thanks. Are you officer 412/L? +Thanks. Are you officer 412/L? For my sins. Are you settling in alright? +For my sins. Are you settling in alright? Yes, thanks. +Yes, thanks. Terrific. I'm really glad you dropped by. Unfortunately, I don't have any time right now I've got a queue of customers to deal with - er, why don't we have a drink tonight? +Terrific. I'm really glad you dropped by. Unfortunately, I don't have any time right now I've got a queue of customers to deal with - er, why don't we have a drink tonight? Ah ... +Ah ... What? +What? I don't want to take up your time now, but I was hoping you could give me some information on somebody. It's a security level three matter and Information Retrieval records says to refer to you. +I don't want to take up your time now, but I was hoping you could give me some information on somebody. It's a security level three matter and Information Retrieval records says to refer to you. OK. Come back this afternoon, about four o'clock. If you give me the number of the case, I'll have the dossier here waiting. My tailor,... well worth the investment. +OK. Come back this afternoon, about four o'clock. If you give me the number of the case, I'll have the dossier here waiting. My tailor,... well worth the investment. I've got numbers all over these - I'm not sure which is the one you want. +I've got numbers all over these - I'm not sure which is the one you want. Layton! Oh shit! +Layton! Oh shit! What is it? +What is it? You clever bastard! I might have guessed. You only moved in today and you're already hot on the bloody trail. +You clever bastard! I might have guessed. You only moved in today and you're already hot on the bloody trail. Am I? +Am I? Please, Sam, we're going to have to be open to each other on this one. If you make a reputation with this case, it'll be at my expense. +Please, Sam, we're going to have to be open to each other on this one. If you make a reputation with this case, it'll be at my expense. How do you mean? +How do you mean? How much do you know? +How much do you know? Not much. +Not much. Enough though, eh? +Enough though, eh? Not really, no. +OK. OK. Let's not fence around ... This is the situation. Some idiot somewhere in the building, some insect, confused two of our clients, B58/732 and T47/215. B58/732, that's A. Buttle isn't it? +B58/732, that's A. Buttle isn't it? Christ! You do know it all! +Christ! You do know it all! No, no, I don't. I'm just beginning Honestly. Sorry, carry on. +No, no, I don't. I'm just beginning Honestly. Sorry, carry on. Well, your A. Buttle has been confused with T47/215, an A. Tuttle. I mean, it's a joke! Somebody should be shot for that. So B58/732 was pulled in by mistake. +Well, your A. Buttle has been confused with T47/215, an A. Tuttle. I mean, it's a joke! Somebody should be shot for that. So B58/732 was pulled in by mistake. You got the wrong man. +You got the wrong man. I did not get the wrong man. I got the right man. The wrong man was delivered to me as the right man! I accepted him, on trust, as the right man. Was I wrong? Anyway, to add to the confusion, he died on us. Which, had he been the right man, he wouldn't have done. +I did not get the wrong man. I got the right man. The wrong man was delivered to me as the right man! I accepted him, on trust, as the right man. Was I wrong? Anyway, to add to the confusion, he died on us. Which, had he been the right man, he wouldn't have done. You killed him? +You killed him? Sam, there are very rigid parameters laid down to avoid that event but Buttle's heart condition did not appear on Tuttle's file. Don't think I'm dismissing this business, Sam. I've lost a week's sleep over it already. +Sam, there are very rigid parameters laid down to avoid that event but Buttle's heart condition did not appear on Tuttle's file. Don't think I'm dismissing this business, Sam. I've lost a week's sleep over it already. I'm sure you have +I'm sure you have There are some real bastards in this department who don't mind breaking a few eggs to make an omelette, but thank God there are the new boys like me who want to maintain decent civilized standards of terrorist eradication. We've got the upper hand for the moment, but they're waiting for us to slip up, and a little slip- up like this is just the chance they're looking for. +There are some real bastards in this department who don't mind breaking a few eggs to make an omelette, but thank God there are the new boys like me who want to maintain decent civilized standards of terrorist eradication. We've got the upper hand for the moment, but they're waiting for us to slip up, and a little slip- up like this is just the chance they're looking for. So how ...? +So how ...? What I've got to do now is pick up Tuttle, interrogate him at the same voltage as Buttle, to the same meter reading to the last penny, and juggle the books in electrical banking. +What I've got to do now is pick up Tuttle, interrogate him at the same voltage as Buttle, to the same meter reading to the last penny, and juggle the books in electrical banking. What has Tuttle done? +What has Tuttle done? We suspect him of freelance subversion. +We suspect him of freelance subversion. He's a freelance subversive? +He's a freelance subversive? He's a compulsive heating engineer. A maverick ex-Central Service repair man with a grudge against society. Now, fortunately, we're nearly out of the wood, I think. At least we will be when I get this Layton woman under arrest. +What's she done? You didn't know as much about this business as you pretended to, did you? +You didn't know as much about this business as you pretended to, did you? Er ... no. +Er ... no. Very smart. +Very smart. Er ... but I would've found out anyway. +Er ... but I would've found out anyway. Yes. I'm impressed. +Yes. I'm impressed. Tell me about Layton. +Tell me about Layton. She witnessed the Tuttle arrest - the Buttle arrest - and since then she's been making wild allegations, obviously trying to exploit the situation - she's working for somebody, and she's not working for us. +She witnessed the Tuttle arrest - the Buttle arrest - and since then she's been making wild allegations, obviously trying to exploit the situation - she's working for somebody, and she's not working for us. A terrorist? +But surely, I mean, perhaps she just happened to live above the Buttles, and ... Look after that suit, eh. Barbara chose it for me. +Look after that suit, eh. Barbara chose it for me. Right. Er, you're not going to keep calling her Barbara, are you? +Right. Er, you're not going to keep calling her Barbara, are you? Barbara's a perfectly good name, isn't it? +Barbara's a perfectly good name, isn't it? Look, about the Layton woman - maybe she's just trying to help the Buttle family. +Look, about the Layton woman - maybe she's just trying to help the Buttle family. Why? +Why? Why? Hell, not for any reason ... +Why? Hell, not for any reason ... {baffled) I don't follow you. +{baffled) I don't follow you. Out of kindness. +Out of kindness. Kindness? What's the purpose behind this line of enquiry? +Kindness? What's the purpose behind this line of enquiry? So what are you going to do about her? +So what are you going to do about her? Get her out of circulation - I've put her on the detention list. +Get her out of circulation - I've put her on the detention list. You mean you're going to invite her in so that she can spill the beans inside the department? +You mean you're going to invite her in so that she can spill the beans inside the department? Well, I ... Good point. What do you suggest? +Well, I ... Good point. What do you suggest? Let me try to get to her. I'll deactivate her. +Let me try to get to her. I'll deactivate her. What does that mean? I don't want to be involved in anything unsavoury. +What does that mean? I don't want to be involved in anything unsavoury. Trust me. You do trust me, don't you? +Trust me. You do trust me, don't you? Of course. We went to school together. You're my oldest friend. +Of course. We went to school together. You're my oldest friend. And you're mine. +And you're mine. You're the only person I can trust. +You're the only person I can trust. Then we'd better keep this business just between the two of us. +Then we'd better keep this business just between the two of us. Right! Just between as and the Security Forces. +Right! Just between as and the Security Forces. They weren't at school with us. +They weren't at school with us. But, I've already put her on the search and detain list. +But, I've already put her on the search and detain list. Take her off the list. +Take her off the list. There's no procedure for that until she's been arrested. +There's no procedure for that until she's been arrested. Say it was a mistake. +Say it was a mistake. We don't make mistakes. +We don't make mistakes. Well, I'd better get out there and try to get to her before security does. Let me borrow her dossier for a while. +Well, I'd better get out there and try to get to her before security does. Let me borrow her dossier for a while. Er ... alright. For Christ's sake don't lose it. Here, you'd better sign for it. +Thanks, Jack. I'll be in touch. Do you know what you're doing. +Do you know what you're doing. Trust me. +Trust me. Sam ... we're proud to have you at Information Retrieval. Merry Xmas. +Come off it, Jack! Of course you can check to see if she's been arrested. I'm sorry, Sam, I'm afraid this whole case has become much more complicated since last we talked. +I'm sorry, Sam, I'm afraid this whole case has become much more complicated since last we talked. She's innocent, Jack --- she's done nothing wrong. +She's innocent, Jack --- she's done nothing wrong. Tell that to the wives of the Security men she blew up this afternoon. Listen, we've also had a report just in from Central Services that Tuttle has wrecked an entire flat and sabotaged adjacent Central Services systems - as a matter of fact, in your block. I'd keep my eyes open if I were you, Sam. Bye. +Tell that to the wives of the Security men she blew up this afternoon. Listen, we've also had a report just in from Central Services that Tuttle has wrecked an entire flat and sabotaged adjacent Central Services systems - as a matter of fact, in your block. I'd keep my eyes open if I were you, Sam. Bye. You don't really think Tuttle and the girl are in league? +You don't really think Tuttle and the girl are in league? I do. Goodbye. +It could all be coincidental. There are no coincidences, Sam. Everything's connected, all along the line. Cause and effect. That's the beauty of it. Our job is to trace the connections and reveal them. This whole Buttle/Tuttle confusion was obviously planned from the inside. Bye bye. +Jack, she's innocent! Sam - we've always been close, haven't we? +Sam - we've always been close, haven't we? Yes we have, Jack! +Yes we have, Jack! Well, could you stay away from me until this thing blows over. +Jack?... Jack? Shut up! +Shut up! Jack, I'm innocent! Help me. +Jack, I'm innocent! Help me. Bastard!!! +Bastard!!! This is all a mistake. Jack, please take that mask off. +You stupid bastard! What? +What? How could you do this to me? +How could you do this to me? Help me, Jack! I'm frightened! +Help me, Jack! I'm frightened! How do you think I feel? You shit! +How do you think I feel? You shit! Jack ... +Jack ... Shut up! This is a professional relationship! +I want to report a wrongful arrest. You want Information Adjustments. Different department. +You want Information Adjustments. Different department. I've been to Information Adjustments. They sent me here. They told me you had a form I had to fill in. +I've been to Information Adjustments. They sent me here. They told me you had a form I had to fill in. Have you got an Arrest Receipt? +Have you got an Arrest Receipt? Yes. +Yes. Is it stamped? +Is it stamped? Stamped? +Stamped? No, there's no stamp on it. You see! I can't give you the form until it's stamped. +No, there's no stamp on it. You see! I can't give you the form until it's stamped. Where do I get it stamped? +Where do I get it stamped? Information Adjustments. +But you've stamped this form before! Why won't you stamp it now? You've just said yourself, Miss, we've already stamped it. Why should we stamp it twice? +You're a stupid, fat arsed, obstructive, fascist moron aren't you? If you say so. +If you say so. You think these are tits don't you? +You think these are tits don't you? Ah. +Ah. I bet you'd like to touch them? +I bet you'd like to touch them? Oh. +Oh. Well don't. You're looking at twenty pounds of high explosive! And if you don't stamp this form I'm going to blow the place up! +Are you alright? It's you ... it's you ... +It's you ... it's you ... Mrs Buttle, are you alright? +Who are you? Let go! Don't look back! Act naturally! +Don't look back! Act naturally! How can I act naturally, when you've trying to break my arm? +Ow! That hurt! Good! +What are you doing? For Christ's sake! Get moving! Who are you? +Bloody hell! Do as I say! No. +No. Please! +Alright! Alright! Alright! I'm Information Retrieval Officer - DZ/015, and I'm arresting you for - your own good! Now start up and get moving before I hand you back to them! Them? +Them? Us. Them. I don't know ... just get going. +Don't litter my cab! Oh, sorry. +... This is amazing ... for me ... being here with you. I mean, in my dreams you ... I don't want to hear about your fucking dreams! +I don't want to hear about your fucking dreams! Oh. But ... Look, I'm sorry I shouted at you. +Oh. But ... Look, I'm sorry I shouted at you. Why are they all pigs at Information Retrieval? +Why are they all pigs at Information Retrieval? I don't know. Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say. +You know, smoking's bad for you. It's my fucking life. +It's my fucking life. Yes, of course. Sorry. +Yes, of course. Sorry. I know you. I saw you through the floor, didn't I? +I know you. I saw you through the floor, didn't I? Yes. Ceiling. Why did you run away? +Yes. Ceiling. Why did you run away? I didn't run away. I left the flat. +I didn't run away. I left the flat. Why? +Why? I didn't like it. +I didn't like it. Why not? +Why not? It had a hole in the floor. Where are we going? +It had a hole in the floor. Where are we going? Where are you taking me? +Where are you taking me? What? +What? Where are you taking me? +Where are you taking me? Ah ... Er ... It looks as if you're taking me. +Ah ... Er ... It looks as if you're taking me. It does doesn't it? +It does doesn't it? Where are you taking me? +What's going on here? What does it look like ... I'm collecting empties. +OK. What's in the parcel? What parcel? +It's heavy. A heavy Christmas present. +What are you doing in Information Retrieval? Looking for you. +Looking for you. No, really. +No, really. Really. +Really. I mean, it doesn't suit you. +I mean, it doesn't suit you. Suit me? +Suit me? Don't you know the sort of thing that Information Retrieval does? +Don't you know the sort of thing that Information Retrieval does? What do you mean? Would you rather have terrorists? +What do you mean? Would you rather have terrorists? We've got both. +We've got both. Things would be worse without Information Retrieval. +Things would be worse without Information Retrieval. They couldn't be worse for the Buttles. +Why don't you say, no system is perfect. Well, no system is. +Well, no system is. Say, all wars have innocent victims. +Say, all wars have innocent victims. Well, all wars do - +Well, all wars do - Who is this war against, Sam? +Who is this war against, Sam? Well, terrorists of course. +Well, terrorists of course. How many terrorists have you met? Actual terrorists? +How many terrorists have you met? Actual terrorists? Actual. terrorists? Well ... it's only my first day. +Look at that - right on time. What? I thought you were free to come and go as you please. +What? I thought you were free to come and go as you please. Well, almost ... unfortunately I do have to punch in by 5.00 every day. +Well, almost ... unfortunately I do have to punch in by 5.00 every day. Every day? +Every day? Turn around! +Turn around! What? +What? They'll be there waiting. +They'll be there waiting. Who will? +Who will? Security. +Security. You're joking. +You're joking. No. Please. They're going to arrest you. +No. Please. They're going to arrest you. I thought you arrested me. +I thought you arrested me. Yes ... but, this is real. Now, stop! +Yes ... but, this is real. Now, stop! Cut it out, Sam. +Cut it out, Sam. Will you please turn back. +Will you please turn back. Get away! +Get away! Turn! +Turn! Stop it ... damn you! +I was right! Step on it! Let go! We've got to stop! +Let go! We've got to stop! Now you're the one that's out of your mind. +Now you're the one that's out of your mind. Sam ... we can't outrace them. You'll kill us! +Come on, let's go! Let's get out of here! Oh God! What have we done? +Oh God! What have we done? We? Don't blame me! +We? Don't blame me! It wasn't supposed to happen like this. +It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Shit! The house is on fire! +Shit! The house is on fire! """And your children all gone.""" +"""And your children all gone.""" What? +What? """Lady bird, lady bird, fly away home, your house is on fire and your children all gone"" ... Do you think anyone's hurt?" +"""Lady bird, lady bird, fly away home, your house is on fire and your children all gone"" ... Do you think anyone's hurt?" Yes. Come out, I know you're in there +This is a hell of a time to buy a nightie. Are you still following me? +Are you still following me? Please, Jill ... I love you. +Please, Jill ... I love you. Go away. +Go away. There are plenty of other safe places. Why don't we go back to my flat? +There are plenty of other safe places. Why don't we go back to my flat? Leave me alone! +Leave me alone! You've got to trust me. It sounds silly but I know we were meant to meet. +You've got to trust me. It sounds silly but I know we were meant to meet. You mean you were meant to hijack my truck, make me crash it, and have every security man in town looking for me? +You mean you were meant to hijack my truck, make me crash it, and have every security man in town looking for me? I vas just trying to help. I decided to trust you. Maybe I was wrong. Whose side are you on really? Who are your friends? Who was the man who gave you the parcel? What's in it? It's the only thing you saved from the lorry .... It must he something very special. +I vas just trying to help. I decided to trust you. Maybe I was wrong. Whose side are you on really? Who are your friends? Who was the man who gave you the parcel? What's in it? It's the only thing you saved from the lorry .... It must he something very special. I saved you from the lorry and you're not very special. +I saved you from the lorry and you're not very special. ........... It's a bomb isn't it? +........... It's a bomb isn't it? Oh ... Jesus! +I'm going to open it! No you're not! +Jill! What are you do ... I mean ... how did you ... Are you alright? Yes. +Yes. What happened to you after ... +What happened to you after ... Your face ... are you hurt? +Your face ... are you hurt? No. No. I'm fine. I was worried sick about you ... I thought ... +They're gone. Are you sure? +Are you sure? Yes. +Don't you like parties? C'mon. We've got to get out of here. +Make yourself at home. Don't answer the phone or open he door to anyone. I won't be long. Where are you going? +Where are you going? I'm going to pull some strings. It's our only hope. +I'm going to pull some strings. It's our only hope. Don't do anything silly. +Don't do anything silly. Thanks for the vote of confidence. +Thanks for the vote of confidence. Take care. +What do you think? ... is it me? You don't exist any more. I've killed you. Jill Layton is dead. +Perhaps the machine's on the blink! It keeps picking up old films. That can't he right, can it? It's not the machine. There's a mismatch on the personnel code numbers... Ah there we go! That's a B58/732 when it should be a T47/215 ... Tuttle ... he should have £31.06, debited against his account for electrical procedures, not Buttle. +It's not the machine. There's a mismatch on the personnel code numbers... Ah there we go! That's a B58/732 when it should be a T47/215 ... Tuttle ... he should have £31.06, debited against his account for electrical procedures, not Buttle. Oh my God, a mistake! +Oh my God, a mistake! It's not our mistake! +It's not our mistake! Isn't it? Whose is it? +Isn't it? Whose is it? Information Retrieval. +Information Retrieval. Oh, good! +Oh, good! Expediting has put in for electrical procedures in respect of Buttle, Archibald, shoe repair operative, but Security has invoiced Admin for Tuttle, Archibald, heating engineer +What a relief! I don't know what I'd do if you ever got promoted. Don't worry. +Don't worry. But if they did promote you +But if they did promote you I've told you before. I'd turn it down. +I've told you before. I'd turn it down. Would you really, Sam? +Would you really, Sam? Really. +Really. You've been promoted. +It's your mother isn't it? Pulling strings again. What a BITCH! +A cheque. The refund for Tuttle! +The refund for Tuttle! Tuttle? +Tuttle? I mean, Buttle! It's been confusion from the word go! He's been wrongly charged for Electromemorytherapy and someone somewhere is trying to make us carry the can! +I mean, Buttle! It's been confusion from the word go! He's been wrongly charged for Electromemorytherapy and someone somewhere is trying to make us carry the can! I've never seen a Ministry cheque before. +I've never seen a Ministry cheque before. We've got to get rid of it! There's been a balls-up somewhere, and when the music stops they'll jump on whoever's holding the cheque! +We've got to get rid of it! There's been a balls-up somewhere, and when the music stops they'll jump on whoever's holding the cheque! Send it to somebody else. Send it to Buttle. It's his cheque. +Send it to somebody else. Send it to Buttle. It's his cheque. I've tried that! Population Census have got him down as dormanted, the Central Collective Storehouse computer has got him down as deleted, and the Information Retrieval have got him down as inoperative ... Security has him down as excised., Admin have him down as completed +I've tried that! Population Census have got him down as dormanted, the Central Collective Storehouse computer has got him down as deleted, and the Information Retrieval have got him down as inoperative ... Security has him down as excised., Admin have him down as completed Hang on. +He is dead. Dead! Oh no! That's terrible! We'll never get rid of the damned thing! What are we going to do? +Dead! Oh no! That's terrible! We'll never get rid of the damned thing! What are we going to do? Try next of kin. +Try next of kin. Next of kin! +There we go. Mrs. Veronica Buttle. What's the number on the cheque? 27156789/074328/K. +Problem. She doesn't have a bank account. Well, that's it! I may as well go and hang myself! This sort of thing couldn't have happened before the stupid seventh tier reorganization! That was Simmons doing! And he and Jeffries always sit together at lunch! The bastards! Ow! Perhaps we can lose it ... behind the filing cabinet ... or destroy it ... burn it ... eat it ... +You'd never get away with it. Besides, you can't do that to somebody's refund. It's Christmas. There is one more option. What? +What? Drive out to Mrs Buttle, give her the cheque, tell her to sign her name on the back, cash it at the corner sweet shop. +Here. What do I do next? Call the motor pool and authorise personal transport. +Call the motor pool and authorise personal transport. Of course, of course. Leave it to me. How do I authorize a cheque? +Of course, of course. Leave it to me. How do I authorize a cheque? Here we are. Pink and blue receipts. All you've got to do is sign these and the back of the cheque. +Oh God! I think I've broken a bone. What a pathetic thing I am. Here. +That's it. You are good to me Sam. +You are good to me Sam. Don't mention it. See you later. +Is it all right about Mrs Buttle's cheque? I delivered it. +I delivered it. Can I forget it? +Can I forget it? Yes. +Damn! Blast! What's the matter? +What's the matter? You don't happen to know how I can get around an IRQ/3 do you? +You don't happen to know how I can get around an IRQ/3 do you? All information on 3rd Level Suspects is classified. +All information on 3rd Level Suspects is classified. I know that. +I know that. All enquiries to Information Retrieval. Which is hopeless, of course. They never tell you anything. But come the time they want something from us ... +I've go to accept that promotion to get behind this, haven't I? Yes. NO! You can't! You've only just turned it down! +Yes. NO! You can't! You've only just turned it down! I never signed the form. +I never signed the form. I did it for you. +I did it for you. What! Shit! +What! Shit! It's what you wanted isn't it? +It's what you wanted isn't it? Yes ... No ... I don't, know. +No, you can't have any more chairs! There's only one left in here now, and I need that to sit on! Oh ... er, sorry. Who are you? Sam Lowry. +Sam Lowry. Ah, yes, you're the new boy from next door, ha ha! My name's Lime. Harvey Lime. Welcome to Expediting. +Ah, yes, you're the new boy from next door, ha ha! My name's Lime. Harvey Lime. Welcome to Expediting. Ah. Would you mind if I borrowed your computer console? +Ah. Would you mind if I borrowed your computer console? What? +What? I'll bring it back in ten minutes. +I'll bring it back in ten minutes. You want to take my console into your office? +You want to take my console into your office? Yes. +Yes. I'll tell you what .... You tell me what and I'll do it for. I'm a bit of a whizz on this thing. +Alright. There's someone I want to check out. A woman called Gillian Layton. A woman eh? I see. +A woman eh? I see. I know her age and distinguishing marks. But I need an address or a place of work or something +I know her age and distinguishing marks. But I need an address or a place of work or something This is your dream girl, is it? +This is your dream girl, is it? What? Look, let me use the console for a few minutes. +What? Look, let me use the console for a few minutes. You must be joking - When there's a woman involved - there's no stopping me. Now, let me have that sheet. +Sod it, it's broken! You haven't switched it on. +You haven't switched it on. Oh - yes. Look you're putting me off, standing there! Go back to your office and I'll give you a knock when I've finished. +Hey - that's my desk! Gillian Layton - Suspect S/5173. Truck driver! All enquiries, reference officer 412/L - Room 5001. That's what I wanted to know. Thank you very much. +Lime, I need to use your computer Sorry, a bit busy at the moment. You seem to have quite a lot to do yourself. +My mother said it would be all right. She didn't say anything about it to me. +She didn't say anything about it to me. Well, she's my mother, not yours. +Well, she's my mother, not yours. I won't be held responsible. +I won't be held responsible. How long will she he away? +How long will she he away? There are some who go to Dr. Jaffe's clinic who never come back at all. +Hello, Spiro. Merry Christmas. I'm sorry but ... +I'm sorry but ... You remember Samuel, my son. +You remember Samuel, my son. {suddenly unctious) Oh, but of course ... +{suddenly unctious) Oh, but of course ... We're meeting Mrs Terrain. +Oh, to hell with the diet, a number eight, please. A most perceptive choice, Madam, if I may say so. Monsieur? +Numero une, crevettes à la mayonaaise. I'm sorry Alma, I didn't mean to sound so ... +I just wish you would stop interfering, mother! I don't want promotion. I'm happy where I am. No you're not. Jack Lint is a lesson to you - he never had your brains but he's got the ambition. You haven't got the ambition but luckily you've got me. And Mr Helpmann. Mr Helpmann was very close - +Mr Helpmann was very close to your poor father. He was very close to me. Still is. He'll take you under his wing at Information Retrieval. You'll like it when you get there. You're not listening, mother. +I hope you like it. It's very exclusive. What is it? +What is it? It's something for executives. +What were we saying? This isn't rare! +This isn't rare! By the way, I saw a wonderful idea for Christmas presents at the chemists. Gift tokens. Medical gift tokens. +Actually, Alma, that's one of the little things I was dying to tell you ... Sam's been promoted to Information Retrieval. Mother! +Sam ... you haven't had dessert. I'm sorry. I don' t want dessert. I don't want promotion. I don't want anything. +I'm sorry. I don' t want dessert. I don't want promotion. I don't want anything. Don't be childish, Samuel. Of course you want something. You must have hopes, wishes, dreams. +Mother? Is that you? Of course. Isn't it wonderful? The bandages came of this afternoon. Come and join the fun. Everybody's here. +Of course. Isn't it wonderful? The bandages came of this afternoon. Come and join the fun. Everybody's here. Is Mr Helpmann here? +Is Mr Helpmann here? Yes he is - he wants to talk to you. +Yes he is - he wants to talk to you. I want to talk to him. +It seems you're the first person ever to turn down a promotion. He thinks you should see a doctor. Actually, I've decided ... +Sam!!! Mother? ... What ... what's ... you've got to help me ... +Mother? ... What ... what's ... you've got to help me ... Not now ... please +It's a refund ... I'm afraid there was a mistake. Mistake? +Mistake? Yes. Not my department ... I'm only records. It seems that Mr Buttle was overcharged by Information Retrieval. I don't think they usually make mistakes ... but, er ... I suppose we're all human. +My husband's dead, isn't he? Er ... I assure you Mrs Buttle, the Ministry is always very scrupulous about following up and eradicating error. If you have any complaints which you'd like to make, I'd be more than happy to send you the appropriate forms. +Er ... I assure you Mrs Buttle, the Ministry is always very scrupulous about following up and eradicating error. If you have any complaints which you'd like to make, I'd be more than happy to send you the appropriate forms. What have you done with his body? +What have you done with his body? Um ... +Uh ... He hadn't done anything ... He was good ... What have you done with his body? +Really, Sam - when are you going to do something about these terrorists? What? Now? It's my lunch hour. +Whatever happened to you? There was a slight complication. Dr. Chapman says it often happens with a delicate skin like mine. Nothing to worry about. He's promised me I'll have these bandages off in a ... +There was a slight complication. Dr. Chapman says it often happens with a delicate skin like mine. Nothing to worry about. He's promised me I'll have these bandages off in a ... Actually, there's someone I want to meet ... +Actually, there's someone I want to meet ... I know, I know ...! +Here we are! I'm going to leave you two lovebirds in peace. I ... uh ... +Ah ... hello, Mrs Terrain. SAM lets go of the parcel and pushes JILL away. She moves off. I think that'll hold it. Hello Shirley. Just helping someone tie up a Christmas present. How are you? +I think that'll hold it. Hello Shirley. Just helping someone tie up a Christmas present. How are you? My complication had a complication, but Dr Chapman says I'll soon be up and bouncing about like a young gazelle. Are you buying a Christmas present for your mother? +My complication had a complication, but Dr Chapman says I'll soon be up and bouncing about like a young gazelle. Are you buying a Christmas present for your mother? Er, yes ... +Er, yes ... Shirley and I come here regularly. I love romantic lingerie. +I can't make up my mind whether to have a number one or a number two. What do you recommend, Spiro? Between you and me, Madam, today the number two. +Between you and me, Madam, today the number two. Thank you, Spiro. Shirley, what are you going to have? +Numero huit, braised veal in wine sauce. It's too exciting. I've left Dr Jaffe and gone to Dr. Chapman. +It's too exciting. I've left Dr Jaffe and gone to Dr. Chapman. Numero deux, duck a l'orange. +That's all right Ida ... it's just that he's such an artist. To him, cutting is so crude ... so primitive. Numero trois, steak. Monsieur, Mesdames, Bon appetit. +Hello - Central Services - I'm at 579B Block l9, Northwestern Section D - that's exit 1 on Green Pastures Highway at the Orange Blossom Flyover - and I've got trouble with the air- conditioning Thank you or calling Central Services. am sorry, due to temporary staff shortage, Central Services cannot take service calls centrally between 2300 and 0900 hours - have a nice day - this has not been a recording, incident- +Thank you or calling Central Services. am sorry, due to temporary staff shortage, Central Services cannot take service calls centrally between 2300 and 0900 hours - have a nice day - this has not been a recording, incident- This is an emergency! +This is an emergency! Thank you for calling Central Services. I am sorry, due - +Thank you for calling Central Services. I am sorry, due - Yes, but. I've got to have a heating engineer +Yes, but. I've got to have a heating engineer Thank you for calling Cen - +Hello ... hello ... Hello. Mr Lowry? +Hello. Mr Lowry? Who's that? +Put the phone down and your hands up. What? Who is this? +My name is Sam Lowry. I have to report to Mr Warren. Thirtieth floor, sir. You're expected. +Thirtieth floor, sir. You're expected. Er, don't you want to search me? +Er, don't you want to search me? No, sir. +No, sir. My I.D. cards. +My I.D. cards. No need, sir +No need, sir But I could be anybody. +But I could be anybody. No you couldn't, sir. This is Information Retrieval. the lift's arrived, sir. +Excuse me, Dawson, can you put me through to Mr Helpmann's office? I'm afraid I can't, sir. You have to go through the proper channels. +I'm afraid I can't, sir. You have to go through the proper channels. And you can't tell me what the proper channels are, because that's classified information? +And you can't tell me what the proper channels are, because that's classified information? I'm glad to see the Ministry's continuing its tradition of recruiting the brightest and best, sir. +I'm glad to see the Ministry's continuing its tradition of recruiting the brightest and best, sir. Thank you, Dawson. +Are we? Ah yes, the lady is waiting. +A steak, please. Rare. Mother, I need to ... Monsieur. Quel numero. +Monsieur. Quel numero. I don't know which numero. +I don't know which numero. Numero, trois. +what? ... Oh ... Madam ... CUT to WOMAN turning, half in flirtatious conversation. It is SAM's MOTHER, but miraculously another twenty years younger and ... a parody of SAM's Dream Girl. +Yes? Central Services. +No, not at all. I mean, it's all right. It's fixed. Fixed? +I mean it fixed itself. Fixed itself. +Now look what you've done to him. Have you got one or haven't you? +Have you got one or haven't you? Not ... as such ... +But we can get one. It's all right, Terry, it's all right, everything's all right. +It's all right, Terry, it's all right, everything's all right. I'm sorry, but I'm a bit of a stickler for paper work. Where would we be if we didn't follow the correct procedures? +I'm sorry, but I'm a bit of a stickler for paper work. Where would we be if we didn't follow the correct procedures? We'll be back. +What the - ? How did you - ? Emergency procedures. +Sign here please. What is it? +What is it? It's a 27B/6, what did you think it was? +What? Who fixed your ducts? +Hang on! Wait a minute! You can't just go and leave it like this! Why not? All you've got to do is blow yer nose and fix it, haven't you? +For God's sake, what's happened? Thermostat's gone. And then some. +What is it? It's a 27B/6 of course. +Nice and easy now. Keep your hands where I can see them. What is this? Who the hell are you? +Harry Tuttle. Heating engineer. At your service. Tuttle! Are you from Central Services? +Tuttle! Are you from Central Services? Ha!! +Ha!! But ... I called Central Services. +But ... I called Central Services. They're a bit overworked these days. Luckily I intercepted your call. +They're a bit overworked these days. Luckily I intercepted your call. What? +A little precaution, sir. I've had traps set for me before now. There are people in Central Services who'd love to get their hands on Harry Tuttle. Are you saying this is illegal? +Well, yes ... and no. Officially, only Central Service operatives are supposed to touch this stuff ... Could you hold these. ... but, with all the new rules and regulations ... unncgh, c'mon, c'mon ... they can't get decent staff any more ... so ... they tend to turn a blind eye ... as long as I'm careful. ... Mind you, if ever they could prove I'd been working on their equipment ... well, that's a different matter ... up a bit with the torch, sir. +... but, with all the new rules and regulations ... unncgh, c'mon, c'mon ... they can't get decent staff any more ... so ... they tend to turn a blind eye ... as long as I'm careful. ... Mind you, if ever they could prove I'd been working on their equipment ... well, that's a different matter ... up a bit with the torch, sir. Sorry. wouldn't it be easier just to work for Central Services? +Sorry. wouldn't it be easier just to work for Central Services? Couldn't stand the pa - ah - we're getting warm - +Couldn't stand the pa - ah - we're getting warm - The pace? +The pace? The paperwork, couldn't stand the paperwork. Over to the left please, if you don't mind sir. Hold it there. Yes, there's more bits of paper in Central Services than bits of pipe - read this, fill in that, hand in the other - listen, this old system of yours could be on fire and I couldn't even turn on the kitchen tap without filling in a 27B/6.... Bloody paperwork. +The paperwork, couldn't stand the paperwork. Over to the left please, if you don't mind sir. Hold it there. Yes, there's more bits of paper in Central Services than bits of pipe - read this, fill in that, hand in the other - listen, this old system of yours could be on fire and I couldn't even turn on the kitchen tap without filling in a 27B/6.... Bloody paperwork. Well I suppose one has to expect a certain amount +Well I suppose one has to expect a certain amount Why? I came into this game for adventure - go anywhere, travel light, get in, get out, wherever there's trouble, a man alone. Now they've got the whole country sectioned of and you can't move without a form. I'm the last of a breed. Ah ha! Found it! There's your problem. +Why? I came into this game for adventure - go anywhere, travel light, get in, get out, wherever there's trouble, a man alone. Now they've got the whole country sectioned of and you can't move without a form. I'm the last of a breed. Ah ha! Found it! There's your problem. Can you fix it? +Can you fix it? No. But I can bypass it with one of these +Are you expecting anyone? No. Wait here. +Listen .. um ... I don't want to get involved in any of this. But I work at the Ministry of Information, and I happen to know that Information Retrieval have been looking for an Archibald Tuttle, Heating Engineer. You wouldn't by any chance be - My friends call me Harry. Information Retrieval, eh? Interesting! +My friends call me Harry. Information Retrieval, eh? Interesting! What do they want you or? +What do they want you or? Time to go. +Thank you very much. How much will it...? On the house. You did me a favor. Check the corridor. +What am I going to to do with this guy? Pierce, I was just on the phone with Borough Command. Out of twelve shifts this month, you've been late for nine, sick four and that includes the shift where you came late and went home early. I'm sick. That's what I've been telling you. +I'm sick. That's what I've been telling you. You're killing me, you know that? You got no sick time according to Command. I've been told to terminate. +You're killing me, you know that? You got no sick time according to Command. I've been told to terminate. It's okay. I'll just get my things out of the locker. +It's okay. I'll just get my things out of the locker. I've never fired anyone in my life. +I've never fired anyone in my life. I'm sorry Captain. Don't take it too hard. +I'm sorry Captain. Don't take it too hard. Nobody tells me to fire anyone. I told them: shove it up the big one. Sorry. I said, you want to fire him, come over and do it yourself. +Nobody tells me to fire anyone. I told them: shove it up the big one. Sorry. I said, you want to fire him, come over and do it yourself. You know they won't do it. It's up to you. You gotta be strong. +You know they won't do it. It's up to you. You gotta be strong. I feel for you, but we got an emergency here. It's a weekend of full moons. Everyone's called in sick. Larry, Veeber, Stanley too. We need bodies out there. I had to put Marcus on Twelve Young. You know he's not supposed to work two nights in a row. +I feel for you, but we got an emergency here. It's a weekend of full moons. Everyone's called in sick. Larry, Veeber, Stanley too. We need bodies out there. I had to put Marcus on Twelve Young. You know he's not supposed to work two nights in a row. You swore you'd fire me if I came in late again. +You swore you'd fire me if I came in late again. I'll fire you tomorrow. Hell, better than that, I'll forward you some sick time. A week, two weeks off-- how about that? +I'll fire you tomorrow. Hell, better than that, I'll forward you some sick time. A week, two weeks off-- how about that? I don't think a week's gonna do it. +I don't think a week's gonna do it. I'm sorry, Pierce. You're going out with Marcus. Duty calls. The City needs you. +You're late, Pierce. I know, but I can't fire you. I've got nobody to work sixteen XRay with Walls. No ... +No ... I got some forms here to fill out about that accident when you get the time. I'll fire you tomorrow. I promise. +I got some forms here to fill out about that accident when you get the time. I'll fire you tomorrow. I promise. What if there is no tomorrow? +What if there is no tomorrow? Go on, get outta here, Pierce, before I give you a big hug. I love this guy. +No English. She has terrible pain in her belly. Pregnant. +Pregnant. No, no, that's impossible. +No, no, that's impossible. Are you pregnant? Estas embarazada? +Can you walk? Puedes caminar? She say she in great pain. +She say she in great pain. Thanks for the translation. What's your name? Nombre? +Is she dying? She's having a baby. Twins. +She's having a baby. Twins. Es impossible. +Es impossible. You can trust me on this one. +You can trust me on this one. It's a miracle. +You know each other a long time? Two years. Ever since we left island. +Two years. Ever since we left island. In that time, you ever have sex? +In that time, you ever have sex? Never. No cigarettes, no drugs, no booze. +Never. No cigarettes, no drugs, no booze. No underwear? +No underwear? We are virgins. +Hey Cy, guess who's here? Mary ... +It's okay, Kanita. Come on in. He looks like a cop. +He looks like a cop. He's not a cop, he's a medic. I'm CY Coates. +Frank, take it easy. what happened? He flipped out. +Be cool, man. You're having a paradoxical reaction. It can happen. Didn't I tell you this guy was stressed out? Stressed? He's psycho. +Frank Pierce. Mary said you might be coming. +Mary said you might be coming. Where is she? +Where is she? Sleeping in the back. +Sleeping in the back. She asked me to pick her up. +She asked me to pick her up. I know, but she told me to tell you she wants to crash here a few hours. Terrible about her father, isn't it? +I know, but she told me to tell you she wants to crash here a few hours. Terrible about her father, isn't it? I better just go in and see her. +She wanted something to help her sleep. Mary, we really have to go. +I'm always interested in people in stressful occupations and being a paramedic is about as stressful as I can imagine. Here, sit down. What's it like? Tell me some war stories. Got a beer? +That shit is poison, Frank. We don't drink alcohol here. What you need is one of these. Did you give Mary something called Red Death? +Did you give Mary something called Red Death? Red Death? Tell me something, Frank--does killing your clients make good business sense to you? The kids selling that shit have no sense. They'll be taken care of, don't worry about that. +Red Death? Tell me something, Frank--does killing your clients make good business sense to you? The kids selling that shit have no sense. They'll be taken care of, don't worry about that. I should be going. I just quit. +I should be going. I just quit. Sleep is all stress reduction. Here. You take one of these, sleep two hours, that's all you need. Why do you think I'm telling you this, Frank--for my health? You ought to look at yourself in the mirror, man. Kanita, get him a glass of water. +Is this what you gave Mary? That's the stuff. I call it the Red Lion. Very king-of-the-jungle. +I guess I'll be going. Just take it easy. +Does that hurt? No! +They're gonna torch the fence. You're gonna feel the metal getting warm, maybe very warm. I can't hold up my head anymore. +So, Frank, am I going to live? You're going to live. +You're going to live. I've been thinking about things. Meditating on my financial future. You guys gave me plenty of time to meditate on the future. Whatja do, stop for Chinese on the way over? There's plenty of food in my place. +I've been thinking about things. Meditating on my financial future. You guys gave me plenty of time to meditate on the future. Whatja do, stop for Chinese on the way over? There's plenty of food in my place. I was tired. I needed a coffee. +I was tired. I needed a coffee. What about Kanita? +What about Kanita? Dead. +Dead. That's too bad. Get some money, a nice looking girl on your arm, and everyone wants to take a piece. Some kid I wouldn't let wash my Mercedes is in my house, shooting at me. Damn, I thought I could make it onto the balcony like Tiger. He's fat, that's why, falls faster. I'm trying to watch my weight, and look what happens. Am I shot, Frank? +That's too bad. Get some money, a nice looking girl on your arm, and everyone wants to take a piece. Some kid I wouldn't let wash my Mercedes is in my house, shooting at me. Damn, I thought I could make it onto the balcony like Tiger. He's fat, that's why, falls faster. I'm trying to watch my weight, and look what happens. Am I shot, Frank? No. +No. Boy can't shoot for shit, either. Goddamn that's hot. +Twelve Young, I don't have time for your games. Now answer me or do I have to come out there myself? I usually don't do calls before coffee. But I think it might do you some good. Twelve Young is here and I'm gonna take care of you, baby. Don't you worry about a thing, yahear, cause Marcus is alive and on arrival. +I usually don't do calls before coffee. But I think it might do you some good. Twelve Young is here and I'm gonna take care of you, baby. Don't you worry about a thing, yahear, cause Marcus is alive and on arrival. I'm not your baby, Young, I'm not your mother either. You're going to a cardiac arrest, Avenue C and Ninth, northeast corner. It's a club. Take the side entrance. +I'm not your baby, Young, I'm not your mother either. You're going to a cardiac arrest, Avenue C and Ninth, northeast corner. It's a club. Take the side entrance. Ten-four, hon. This is for you. +Twelve Young, answer the radio. I have a call for you. She said to me, I love the way you talk on the radio. +She said to me, I love the way you talk on the radio. I can't wait all night, Young. I'm holding a priority and if you don't answer I'm going to knock you out of service. +I can't wait all night, Young. I'm holding a priority and if you don't answer I'm going to knock you out of service. Don't worry, hon. Young is here and he's gonna help out--just remember, you owe me. +Don't worry, hon. Young is here and he's gonna help out--just remember, you owe me. You're going to three-four Avenue C, 17 year-old female cardiac arrest, no further information. +You're going to three-four Avenue C, 17 year-old female cardiac arrest, no further information. Ten-four, hon. +Let's do it! It's Marcus, Love, only for you. Male diff breather, approximately 30, Houston and A. +Male diff breather, approximately 30, Houston and A. Ten-four. +Okay, what happened? He's going to be all right, right? +He's going to be all right, right? No. He's dead. +No. He's dead. No way, man. +No way, man. He's dead and there's nothing we can do. Come on, Frank, that's it. +All right, all right, he's been snorting that Red Death stuff. Been going for four days. What's his name? +What's his name? IB Bangin. +IB Bangin. What'd you mean IB Bangin? What kind of name is IB Bangin? +Excuse me. You are a very kind man. I can see that. A man like you could not refuse a poor sick dying helpless man a small cup of water. I can't. I have to stay with my patient. +See, I can't do it. I came out of the desert. You came out of the hospital. You were tied down and hallucinating. You got some bad chemicals in your head, Noel. There's some medicine at the hospital that will fix that. +You came out of the hospital. You were tied down and hallucinating. You got some bad chemicals in your head, Noel. There's some medicine at the hospital that will fix that. No, no medicine! +Noel, you didn't let me finish. We have rules against killing people on the street. Looks bad, but there's a special room at the hospital for terminating. A nice quiet room with a big bed. Oh man, do you mean that? Thank you man, thank you. How? +Oh man, do you mean that? Thank you man, thank you. How? Well, you have your choice: pills, injection, gas. +You're not going to die. What did you say? +What did you say? Shut up. You're going to die and he's not. Got it. +That's a hell of a swing you got there, Noel. I'm thinking Strawberry in his prime. Strawberry ain't shit. Drug pussy. Me. I swing like Reggie. Mr. October. Number three, game six, World Series. +Here, you try. No, I'd better not. +No, I'd better not. Sure, sure, give go. +Sure, sure, give go. Yeah? +What the hell. The next year, tiebreaker for the division, in Boston, Yanks down two to nothing, Bucky Dent steps to the plate. Oh man, Bucky. +Oh man, Bucky. The pitch, high heater. Bucky knows what's coming. He steps in, smash, over the green monster. +Do you have any music? What? +What? Music. I think it helps if you play something he liked. +Music. I think it helps if you play something he liked. John, play the Sinatra. +Is he going to be alright? His heart's beating. +He's very very sick. I know him. That's Noel. +I know him. That's Noel. We'd better go outside. Quickly. +Is there any chance? I guess there's always a chance. +I wouldn't do that. The doctor seems to think he's suffering from some rare disorder. It's not so rare. He grew up on our street. He's had a rough life and he's a little crazy from it, but that's no excuse for not giving someone a lousy cup of water. +It's my first cigarette in over a year. The first is always the best. +The first is always the best. It's the waiting that's killing me, not knowing, you know? It's really hard on my mother. The doctor doesn't think my father'll make it. He says he was dead too long, after six minutes the brain starts to die and once that goes, close the door. +It's the waiting that's killing me, not knowing, you know? It's really hard on my mother. The doctor doesn't think my father'll make it. He says he was dead too long, after six minutes the brain starts to die and once that goes, close the door. You never know. +You never know. I mean if he was dead, I could handle that. +I mean if he was dead, I could handle that. At least he's got people around him. +At least he's got people around him. I'm not so sure. My father and I haven't spoken in three years. When my brother called to say my father was having a heart attack, that he'd locked himself in the bathroom, all the way going over I was thinking how I was gonna tell him what a bastard he was. Then when I got up the stairs and we moved him onto the bed, I thought of all these other things I wanted to say. +I'm not so sure. My father and I haven't spoken in three years. When my brother called to say my father was having a heart attack, that he'd locked himself in the bathroom, all the way going over I was thinking how I was gonna tell him what a bastard he was. Then when I got up the stairs and we moved him onto the bed, I thought of all these other things I wanted to say. Even when you say the things, there's always more things. +Even when you say the things, there's always more things. Right now, I'm more worried about my mother than anything. They won't let her see my father. +Right now, I'm more worried about my mother than anything. They won't let her see my father. Go home. Take her home. Get some rest. Not going to find anything out now. +Go home. Take her home. Get some rest. Not going to find anything out now. That's what I told her. If she could just see him a second, then I could take her home. +You shouldn't smoke. It's okay. They're prescription. Works better with a little whiskey. +It's okay. They're prescription. Works better with a little whiskey. That's my brother's problem. He's passed out inside. +That boy you brought in, he was shot, wasn't he? Yes. +Yes. He's dead, huh? +He's dead, huh? Yes. +Yes. I think this place stinks. +I think this place stinks. Our Lady of Misery. +Our Lady of Misery. Did you see my father? +Did you see my father? No. +No. It's crazy in there. What's wrong with that doctor? He keeps mumbling, poking himself in the eye when he talks to me. +It's crazy in there. What's wrong with that doctor? He keeps mumbling, poking himself in the eye when he talks to me. He's working a double shift. +He's working a double shift. Thing is, I'm supposed to be the fuckup. The one on the stretcher in there--that's supposed to be me. With my parents crying out here. I got a lot of guilt, you know what I mean? +My father's in a coma, now my mother's going crazy. It's like she's in a trance. She should go home. +She should go home. I'd take her, but then who would stay here? +Yes? Hello, I'm Frank Pierce, from the ambulance last night. I brought your father into the hospital and I just learned some news. +Hello, I'm Frank Pierce, from the ambulance last night. I brought your father into the hospital and I just learned some news. I'll be right down. +He's better, isn't he? Well, the doctor says he's showing some movement. It's still early, it might mean nothing, but I thought you'd want to know. +Well, the doctor says he's showing some movement. It's still early, it might mean nothing, but I thought you'd want to know. I knew. I sensed it when I heard your voice. +I knew. I sensed it when I heard your voice. You look so different. +You look so different. I know. It's awful, isn't it? Night of the Living Cheerleaders. +I know. It's awful, isn't it? Night of the Living Cheerleaders. I think it looks good. +I think it looks good. I was going nuts in that waiting room so I came back to check on my mom. +I was going nuts in that waiting room so I came back to check on my mom. How is she? +How is she? Sleeping. +Sleeping. I was just going to get some food. Pizza. Maybe we could. +I was just going to get some food. Pizza. Maybe we could. You can't kill my father that easy. He'll fight forever. Like with me: hasn't talked to me in three years. But it's okay. Sometimes you have to put things behind you. +Be tough to get a taxi here. We can give you a ride if you like. Okay. +He wants to pull that tube out. It's pretty painful--that's why they keep him sedated--but it's a good sign. You sure? I know my father would hate to be tied down. He wouldn't even go to the dentist. +That's how it's done. You have to keep the body going until the brain and heart recover enough to go on their own. He's better, though, right? +He's better, though, right? He's better. +He's better. Look, I'm sorry, but it's important to me. I mean, a week ago I was wishing he was dead. And now I want hear his voice again, just once more-- you know what I mean? +My father was a great man, you know. There was nobody he wouldn't help. You know that crazy guy Noel who I gave water to last night? He lived in our house for almost a year. A total stranger he'd do anything for, his own family though ... It's best not to ... It's good pizza, huh? +It's best not to ... It's good pizza, huh? Not as good as Nino's. +Not as good as Nino's. You remember that pizza place, Joe's on Tenth Street maybe fifteen years ago? When you ordered a pie it came with a little plastic madonna in the middle? +You remember that pizza place, Joe's on Tenth Street maybe fifteen years ago? When you ordered a pie it came with a little plastic madonna in the middle? Yeah, or Saint Anthony. You from the neighborhood? +Yeah, or Saint Anthony. You from the neighborhood? I grew up on Elizabeth. I went to Blessed Sacrament. +I grew up on Elizabeth. I went to Blessed Sacrament. On yeah? I went to Holy Name. Where'd you go to high school? +On yeah? I went to Holy Name. Where'd you go to high school? We moved out after that. Upstate. +We moved out after that. Upstate. Like everybody else--except us. Always standing on the sidewalk waving goodbye to moving trucks. Your parents ... ? +Like everybody else--except us. Always standing on the sidewalk waving goodbye to moving trucks. Your parents ... ? They're fine. My old man was a bus driver, mom a nurse--I was sort of born to it, I guess. +They're fine. My old man was a bus driver, mom a nurse--I was sort of born to it, I guess. You married? +You married? Ah, no. I was. It's hard to explain. She had a hard time adjusting to, well, maybe it was my fault too. +It's been bad lately, but it's always bad. How long you been doing this? +How long you been doing this? Five years. +Five years. Wow, you musta seen some things, huh? What's the worst thing you ever seen? +Wow, you musta seen some things, huh? What's the worst thing you ever seen? You learn to sort of block it out, you know, like cops fence off a crime scene. But then something good will happen and everything will just glow. +You learn to sort of block it out, you know, like cops fence off a crime scene. But then something good will happen and everything will just glow. You must get a lot of overdoses. I bet you picked me up a couple of times. +You must get a lot of overdoses. I bet you picked me up a couple of times. I think I'd remember that. +I think I'd remember that. Maybe not. I was a different person then. Does everybody you meet spill their problems on you like this? +Maybe not. I was a different person then. Does everybody you meet spill their problems on you like this? Mostly. It must be my face. My mother always said I looked like a priest. +Mostly. It must be my face. My mother always said I looked like a priest. I better go check on my father. Thanks for the pizza. I owe you one. Maybe when he gets better, you know, when we're done with all this. +I better go check on my father. Thanks for the pizza. I owe you one. Maybe when he gets better, you know, when we're done with all this. Sure. +Excuse me. You seemed like you were in trouble. I'm all right. I just can't stand to see people tied up. I'm in the waiting room for hours, listening to Noel screaming. The only reason he's screaming is 'cause he's tied up. +I'm all right. I just can't stand to see people tied up. I'm in the waiting room for hours, listening to Noel screaming. The only reason he's screaming is 'cause he's tied up. Don't seem so bad to me. +Don't seem so bad to me. Don't say that. I wanted to cut my father loose too. They told me he almost died and five minutes later they say he's better and I go in. It's killing me seeing him fighting like that. Look, since you're here, maybe you could do me a favor. I need you to wait for me outside this building, okay? I have to visit a friend who's sick. +Don't say that. I wanted to cut my father loose too. They told me he almost died and five minutes later they say he's better and I go in. It's killing me seeing him fighting like that. Look, since you're here, maybe you could do me a favor. I need you to wait for me outside this building, okay? I have to visit a friend who's sick. Okay. +I'm only asking because it's a dangerous building. There's been some robberies, a woman was raped not long ago. This woman I'm seeing, she'll want to talk to me all day, but if I can point to you out the window and say you're waiting, I can be out quick. if anything happens, I'll be in apartment 16M. Maybe I should come up with you. +Maybe I should come up with you. If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, hit the buzzer. That way she'll let me go. +If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, hit the buzzer. That way she'll let me go. Nothing's going to happen. I'll come with you. +Nothing's going to happen. I'll come with you. No, I'll be fine. I'm just visiting a sick friend. +I shouldn't have asked you to come. You asked me not to come. +You asked me not to come. Promise you won't go inside. +Promise you won't go inside. Fifteen minutes. +Fifteen minutes. I just have to relax a little. Not feel so guilty all the time. +I just have to relax a little. Not feel so guilty all the time. We can still go back. I'll walk you home. You sleep a couple of hours, watch some TV, take a bath. +We can still go back. I'll walk you home. You sleep a couple of hours, watch some TV, take a bath. Don't be a cop. If you have any doubts about this, it's my fault. +Mary. Mary, we've got to get going. No, no. +You and CY have a nice talk? He tell you about Sunrise Enterprises, helping people? Well, I've seen him hurt people. Why are you following me? Because you can barely walk. +What is it? You want to help me, you feel sorry for me? Keep it to yourself. I need to sit down a minute. +I need to sit down a minute. Or maybe you wanna fuck me? Everyone else has. +I heard CY Coates was brought in. He looked pretty bad. He'll be all right. +He'll be all right. Too bad. He called me up today, can you believe that? I don't know how he got my number. He asks me do I want to come over and see him, I tell him I'd rather go to a leper colony. He says there's a new gang that wants to kill him, take over the business. I told him I hope he's right. That they kill him. That's what I told him. +Too bad. He called me up today, can you believe that? I don't know how he got my number. He asks me do I want to come over and see him, I tell him I'd rather go to a leper colony. He says there's a new gang that wants to kill him, take over the business. I told him I hope he's right. That they kill him. That's what I told him. It'll be a while before he's up and running again. +It'll be a while before he's up and running again. OK, last night I was weak. it won't happen again. And all that shit I said--it was just because I was stoned. Forget it. +OK, last night I was weak. it won't happen again. And all that shit I said--it was just because I was stoned. Forget it. No problem. Thanks for letting me crash. It was the best sleep I've had in months. I used some of your soap. +No problem. Thanks for letting me crash. It was the best sleep I've had in months. I used some of your soap. I wish these people would leave already. I can't listen to another story. Did you see him? That doctor says the brain is coming around. They're waiting for the heart to stabilize. I don't know who to believe. He says they still have to keep him tied up. +I wish these people would leave already. I can't listen to another story. Did you see him? That doctor says the brain is coming around. They're waiting for the heart to stabilize. I don't know who to believe. He says they still have to keep him tied up. Can I bring you something back to eat--a falafal, some pizza? +Can I bring you something back to eat--a falafal, some pizza? No, we just ate. I only remember how tough my father was. Now I know he had to be like that, to make us tough. This city'll kill you if you aren't strong enough. +No, we just ate. I only remember how tough my father was. Now I know he had to be like that, to make us tough. This city'll kill you if you aren't strong enough. No, the city doesn't discriminate. It gets everybody. +This is not a good time. There's no time. +Who is it? Frank. +Frank. Come on up. +My Lord mother man, you look like hell. What were you drinking? The captain almost fired me tonight. I'm on my way out. Anytime now. +The captain almost fired me tonight. I'm on my way out. Anytime now. Nobody gets fired. Look at me. Only thing they might do is transfer you to the Bronx. You look like you aged ten years since I rode with you last. +Nobody gets fired. Look at me. Only thing they might do is transfer you to the Bronx. You look like you aged ten years since I rode with you last. The ghosts-- +The ghosts-- You ever notice people who see shit always, are crazy? +You ever notice people who see shit always, are crazy? I think the worst is over. +I think the worst is over. It can always get worse. You can't change what's out there, only where you're coming from. You got to let the Lord take over, in here. +She only works when I'm on. I make her wait and it drives her crazy. Is it true that you and Love went on a blind date? She hit you with a bottle? +Is it true that you and Love went on a blind date? She hit you with a bottle? She loves me the way no woman ever has. +He's not dead. It's a heroin overdose. Break out the Narcon. He's dead unless you folks want to stop bullshitting me and tell it straight. Then, Lord willing, we'll try to bring him back. +I ever tell you about the time years ago I was on this ledge uptown, trying to talk this psycho inside? Where the guy jumped and you almost fell. No, you never told me that story. +Where the guy jumped and you almost fell. No, you never told me that story. No, you never listened. I was going, man, if someone on high hadn't pulled me in. I had put all I had into saving this dumbass lowlife suicidal that when he went down, there was a part of me that wanted to go with him. +No, you never listened. I was going, man, if someone on high hadn't pulled me in. I had put all I had into saving this dumbass lowlife suicidal that when he went down, there was a part of me that wanted to go with him. Make a left here. I want to stop. +Who's that? She's the daughter of a cardiac arrest I brought in last night. I told her we'd give her a ride back to Misery. Her father's showing signs of improving. +She's the daughter of a cardiac arrest I brought in last night. I told her we'd give her a ride back to Misery. Her father's showing signs of improving. Oh, Frank, you've got it bad, so much worse than I thought. +Oh, Frank, you've got it bad, so much worse than I thought. I'm hungry too. We gotta get some food after this. +I'm hungry too. We gotta get some food after this. God help us, he's hungry too. +Went over to Sal's got this. There must be some place in Hell for a guy who sells a dollar-fifty a slice. I call you if anything comes up. Thanks. +Rule number one: Don't get involved with patients. Rule number two: Don't get involved with patient's daughters. You understand? What about rule number three: Don't get involved with dispatchers named Love. +What about rule number three: Don't get involved with dispatchers named Love. You don't know the first thing about rule number three, cannot begin to understand the complexities of that rule. Come on, let's go look at some hookers. The Kit Kat will be letting out. Don't ever call a junkie whore a crackhead. They get real mad. +Nice though, pulling back her hood as we drive by. There's a mystery to it, then she shows you. She's no whore, Marcus. +She's no whore, Marcus. We're all whores, Frank. You know what I'm talking about, the way she looked at me. +We're all whores, Frank. You know what I'm talking about, the way she looked at me. She wasn't looking at you, man, she was looking at me. +No, you didn't, Frank, thank you. But there's still a couple hours left on the shift. I need a drink, that's all. +Look at that. A fat junkie. That's a first. What's wrong. +It's coming. Hold her down. What's that, Frank? +What's that, Frank? Three legs. +Three legs. That's too many. +That's too many. Backup? +Backup? It's coming. +Don't give me that look. What look? +What look? You know what I'm talking about. It's all over your face. That I-just- saved-a-little-baby-boy look. +You know what I'm talking about. It's all over your face. That I-just- saved-a-little-baby-boy look. We just saved a little baby boy. Think of it that way. +We just saved a little baby boy. Think of it that way. I don't want to hear about it, okay? That's three jobs for the night. It's over. Three jobs and time for a drink. Six am, the cocktail hour. Pass the bottle; I know you're holding. +I hate vodka. Please, a little decorum if you will. What I was going to say is, is that holding that baby in my arms, I felt like I was twenty-one again. A call like that makes me think of going back to three nights a week, not two, start running again, cut down on the drinking. +Please, a little decorum if you will. What I was going to say is, is that holding that baby in my arms, I felt like I was twenty-one again. A call like that makes me think of going back to three nights a week, not two, start running again, cut down on the drinking. I'll drink to that. +I'll drink to that. Here's to the greatest job in the world. +Here's to the greatest job in the world. Greatest job in the world. +Where you going? I quit! I'm through! +I quit! I'm through! You can't leave me now. +He got better. I hate pronouncing people dead over the phone. Better, huh? They're fixed and dilated. He's plant food. +He one of them? No, that's Noel. Used to be a regular off and on, hasn't been in in a while. He seized and almost coded--I gave him a hypertonic solution. He drank so much the kidneys were taking out salt. One for the textbooks. +That guy I brought in yesterday, post-cardiac arrest. He's gone. Burke. You won't believe it. He's showing cognitive signs. He started with spontaneous respiration, now he's fighting to pull out the tube. Had to sedate him. He's in a CAT scan. I'm giving him every test I can: thromboytics, steroids, nitrodrips, heparin. +Burke. You won't believe it. He's showing cognitive signs. He started with spontaneous respiration, now he's fighting to pull out the tube. Had to sedate him. He's in a CAT scan. I'm giving him every test I can: thromboytics, steroids, nitrodrips, heparin. What do you think? +What do you think? Who knows? It's all lower-brain-stem- activity. The heart refuses to stabilize--he's coded eleven times since he got here. This guy's a fighter. Every time the Valium wears off he starts yanking those restraints. +Who knows? It's all lower-brain-stem- activity. The heart refuses to stabilize--he's coded eleven times since he got here. This guy's a fighter. Every time the Valium wears off he starts yanking those restraints. The family know? +The family know? I wanted to bring them in, to see if he'd respond to voices, but they weren't in the waiting room. The guy's daughter was in my face all last night and when I finally have something positive to tell her, she's gone. +Oh Jesus, put her on the monitor. Where's the pediatric code cart? Odette give me that tube. All right, flatline--let's do CPR. step back, Frank. How many months? Can't tell. It was a breech, twins. The other one seems okay, though. Marcus is taking him and the mother to Maternity. +You can't believe how much he's improved. How many times have you shocked him tonight? +How many times have you shocked him tonight? Fourteen. We finally got him a room upstairs. Should be up there in a couple of hours. +Fourteen. We finally got him a room upstairs. Should be up there in a couple of hours. What do you do, just have someone follow him around with a defribilator? +What do you do, just have someone follow him around with a defribilator? That's good, Frank. No, but they might surgically implant one, about the size of my thumb. It goes near the shoulder here, with two electrodes connected to the heart. It sends a shock whenever it senses a drop in blood flow. Amazing, isn't it? +That's good, Frank. No, but they might surgically implant one, about the size of my thumb. It goes near the shoulder here, with two electrodes connected to the heart. It sends a shock whenever it senses a drop in blood flow. Amazing, isn't it? A medical miracle. +Last show of the night. Jesus Christ. Nurse Crupp! Anybody else hurt? +Jesus Christ. Nurse Crupp! Anybody else hurt? No. +No. Crazy fucker. +Where's Burke? Upstairs. 212. Had to shock him twice more. +He's dead, Rose. Your father passed. How can that be? He was getting better. +How can that be? He was getting better. He coded. They shocked him one too many times. I'm sorry. +He coded. They shocked him one too many times. I'm sorry. He was tough. You did all you could. +He was tough. You did all you could. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. You have to keep the body going until the brain and heart recover enough to go on their own. +Would you like to come in? Yes. +It's not worth it, Tom. He's surrendering. No prisoners. Don't worry, Frank, just a little psychological first aid. +I'm sick, Tom. I need a cure. Vitamin B cocktail, followed by an amp of glucose and a drop of adrenaline. Not as good as beer, but all I got. Come on, Frank. There's blood spilling in the streets. +These are hard times, Tom. Yeah. Great, isn't it? +Yeah. Great, isn't it? Great to be drunk. Sobriety's killing me. +Great to be drunk. Sobriety's killing me. Look up, Frank. Full moon. The blood's gonna run tonight. I can feel it. Our mission: to save lives. +Look up, Frank. Full moon. The blood's gonna run tonight. I can feel it. Our mission: to save lives. Our mission is coffee, Tom. A shot of the bull, Puerto Rican espresso. +Our mission is coffee, Tom. A shot of the bull, Puerto Rican espresso. Ten-four. El Toro de Oro. Blast off. +The cure's not working, Tom. Maybe we should go back to the hospital. Don't worry, kid. Tom'll take care of you. Put your head out the window, get some of that summer air. Listen to the music. El Toro de Oro. Andale. Pronto. +Tom, where are the Band-aids? This is an ambulance, isn't it? Look out! +Where you going? C'mon, Tom. The city's burning. +Whatja doing? I feel the need, the need for speed. I'm driving out of myself. +I feel the need, the need for speed. I'm driving out of myself. The brakes are shot. +The brakes are shot. I've taken that into consideration. +I've taken that into consideration. You okay? +You okay? I never felt better in my life. +Mr. Oh. It's early for him. +It's early for him. That's all right, we're not meant to do Oh tonight. Something is going to happen. I can feel it. +Whadda we bring? Better bring it all. +Get this, Frank--we got two patients. Number one, the scarecrow outside. Number two misses the railing but breaks both legs on the balcony, then throws himself through a glass window, heads to the bedroom, where he's now passed out. Well, he's the steakhead of the night, then. +Well, he's the steakhead of the night, then. I don't think the fire people can touch him out there. +I don't think the fire people can touch him out there. How's he doing? +How's he doing? I haven't had a chance to see him yet. I'm going to take care of sleeping beauty. +Get ready, Frank. Missed a drug shooting while you were dicking around in there. There's gonna be trauma tonight! As long as we keep moving. No standing still. +As long as we keep moving. No standing still. C'mon, look at your screen. Give up some blood! +C'mon, Tom, pick up a job. You want some bum in the bus terminal? We'll wait for a real call. +You want some bum in the bus terminal? We'll wait for a real call. Let's get in a fight, then. +Let's get in a fight, then. Who with? +Who with? That's your job. Just keep driving, keep moving. No stopping. We're sharks. We stop too long, we die. +Let's break something, Tom. Let's bust something, bomb something. What do you want to break? +What do you want to break? I don't know--let's break some windows. +I don't know--let's break some windows. Why? +Why? Destruction, distraction. I feel the need. +Destruction, distraction. I feel the need. You need a reason, Frank. You don't just go around breaking people's windows. That's anarchy. +You need a reason, Frank. You don't just go around breaking people's windows. That's anarchy. What's the reason? Give me a reason, Tom. +What's the reason? Give me a reason, Tom. Let me think. +"This guy's been terrorizing the neighborhood for weeks, ever since he got outta jail, wreaking general havoc, contributing to the bad name of the place. The term ""menace to society"" was made up for him." He's crazy. He can't help it. +He's crazy. He can't help it. Well, why don't they put him away? Prisons don't want him. I took him to the hospital yesterday and here he is again. +Look at that. Tell me that's a crazy person. Every move is calculated. He knows exactly what he's doing. This is the guy. I've been after him for weeks. He's quick, runs like a rat, tough for one person, but with two of us-- Okay, whatta I do? +Okay, whatta I do? If he sees me, he'll run, so I'll get out here. You start talking to him about baseball or something while I sneak around behind and get down and you push him. When he falls we get him. +If he sees me, he'll run, so I'll get out here. You start talking to him about baseball or something while I sneak around behind and get down and you push him. When he falls we get him. That's ridiculous. +That's ridiculous. Believe me, it always works. The simpler, the better. +Believe me, it always works. The simpler, the better. You learn that in the army? +Get the kit! We're gonna tube him! Frank! +Frank! Do it! +Do it! Frank! +Frank! We're gonna save you, Noel. You're gonna be all right. Do it, Tom! I'll call for fucking backup, I swear! +We're gonna save you, Noel. You're gonna be all right. Do it, Tom! I'll call for fucking backup, I swear! You're crazy. +No we can't. He's got a pulse. No shit. +The Chinese close in five minutes. Beef lo mein. It's been on my mind since I woke. Whatjathink? I think the moment that food hits your mouth we'll get a job. +I think the moment that food hits your mouth we'll get a job. Turn here. You missed it. The Chink is on 3rd. +Oh no!--I just remembered. What? +What? I'm so stupid. I had beef lo mein last night. I can't eat the same thing two nights in a row. It's almost two o'clock, what the hell am I gonna do? What you getting? +I'm so stupid. I had beef lo mein last night. I can't eat the same thing two nights in a row. It's almost two o'clock, what the hell am I gonna do? What you getting? I'm not hungry. +I'm not hungry. Oh yeah, you don't eat food. +Oh yeah, you don't eat food. I eat. I just haven't had coffee yet. +I eat. I just haven't had coffee yet. Coffee and whiskey, lucky you ain't dead with that diet. Wait, I've got it. Half fried chicken with fries. Let's go, hurry up. Come on. +Turn it off. What? +What? You know what. The radio. +You wanted it turned off. There's no such thing as a good fire. People get burned up. They can't breathe. That's what we're here for. Come on, Frank. +That's what we're here for. Come on, Frank. Don't push it, Larry. +Don't push it, Larry. You're burned out. +Mr. Oh. It's Mr. Oh. I'm not answering it. +Relax, it's a street job, easy except for the smell. We'll just throw him in back and zip over to Mercy--no blood, no dying, that's how I look at it. He's just a drunk. It's not our job to taxi drunks around. +It's not our job to taxi drunks around. They'll just keep calling. +They'll just keep calling. Someone's gonna die someday causa that bum, going to have a cardiac and the only medics will be taking care of Mr. Oh. +Well why didn't you say so? He's drunk. +Faster! God! Faster! +Larry, swing over on Eighth. We're gonna hafta run one of these calls. Relax, will you. +I'm not feeling very well, Larry. I say we go back to the hospital and call it a night. You have no sick time, Frank. No time of any kind. Everyone knows that. +You have no sick time, Frank. No time of any kind. Everyone knows that. Take me back, put me to bed; I surrender. We've done enough damage tonight. +Take me back, put me to bed; I surrender. We've done enough damage tonight. You take things too seriously. Look at us, we're cruising around, talking, taking some quiet time, getting paid for it. We've got a good job here. +You take things too seriously. Look at us, we're cruising around, talking, taking some quiet time, getting paid for it. We've got a good job here. Yeah, you're right. +Tell me, you ever think of doing anything else? Sure, I'm taking the captain's exam next year. After the kids are in school, Louise can go back to the post office and, I thought, what the hell, I'll start my own medic service. Out on the Island the volunteers are becoming salaried municipal. It's just a matter of time and who you know. Someday it's going to be Chief Larry calling the shots. +He's crazy. You really think so? +Jesus, Tom Walls, that crazy motherfucker. Used to be my partner. +You're in the stomach! You sure? +You're in the stomach! Let me try. One more time! +Stomach again. No way! +One-three Zebra. Zebra three, I need you. You see, he's giving it to us anyway. +You see, he's giving it to us anyway. Zebra, are you there? I'm holding an unconscious at First and St. Marks. +Zebra, are you there? I'm holding an unconscious at First and St. Marks. No! It's three o'clock. That can only mean one thing. +Answer the radio Zebra. You know it's that time. Four times this week I've had him. Aren't there any other units out there? Don't answer the radio. They'll give it to someone else. +Four times this week I've had him. Aren't there any other units out there? Don't answer the radio. They'll give it to someone else. Thirteen Zebra. One-Three Zebra. You're going out of service in two seconds. +Look, Frank, when I say don't answer it, that means answer it. You can do that for me at least. Three Zebra. Yes, Zebra. You'll be driving to the man who needs no introduction, chronic caller of the year three straight and shooting for number four. The duke of drunk, the king of stink, our most frequent flier, Mr. Oh. +Yes, Zebra. You'll be driving to the man who needs no introduction, chronic caller of the year three straight and shooting for number four. The duke of drunk, the king of stink, our most frequent flier, Mr. Oh. Ten-four. Don't go. Not this time. +Shit, shit, shit... You're almost there, you can do it -- can do -- can do. +Okay if I watch you tape that interview downstairs? Yeah. +One source referred to it as a five billion dollar metal sculpture to ugly to look at and too big to bury. You write this? +...outlaw nation but strangely those who have interviewed Gaddafi find him, in a phrase we like to use in this country, very 'presidential'. Nice, Jane. +Hi, Aaron...What's doing? Same old stuff. I'm watching a man who won three Overseas Press Awards pitch an hors d'oeuvre idea. +You want to go out there -- get out of this for a second? Why don't you lead? I'll just follow the flurry you cause. +What did I do to you? You've made my dreams silly. +How you doing? Great. Network news, Washington... I love it. What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams? +Great. Network news, Washington... I love it. What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams? Keep it to yourself. +Keep it to yourself. You know the other day I really wanted your reaction to how we did with the Libyan report -- I was going to ask but I guess I feel a little intimidated with you. +You know the other day I really wanted your reaction to how we did with the Libyan report -- I was going to ask but I guess I feel a little intimidated with you. Oh, stop it. +You can't talk about feeling intimidated when you're on top of the world. It's unseemly. I'm not buying into any of that. I have a load to learn. I'm not going to act as if... +I'm not buying into any of that. I have a load to learn. I'm not going to act as if... You have the job you have... +Shut up a second... Okay. Pretty petty party, isn't it, pal? +Okay. Pretty petty party, isn't it, pal? I made one rule for myself when this started and I realized I was going to take a lot from you people because of being from sports... +I made one rule for myself when this started and I realized I was going to take a lot from you people because of being from sports... And the rule was... +And the rule was... Never to pretend to know more than I did. +Never to pretend to know more than I did. Can you name all the members of the Cabinet? +Can you name all the members of the Cabinet? Okay, let's drop it. I didn't mean I'd take a test for you -- I mean if that came up in conversation I'd... +Okay, let's drop it. I didn't mean I'd take a test for you -- I mean if that came up in conversation I'd... We're conversing...Oh my, the names of the entire Cabinet has slipped my mind. What are they? +Don't name them. Just tell me if you know. Yes, Aaron. I know the names of the Cabinet. +Yes, Aaron. I know the names of the Cabinet. Okay. +Yes. There are only ten. +You're feeling good, aren't you? I'm starting to... We may do the capitols of the states. +I'm starting to... We may do the capitols of the states. Fifty, right? +I'm in a pissy mood. I'm sorry. What's wrong with it? +What's wrong with it? Nothing. I think you really blew the lid off nookie. +This is uncomfortable for me -- because, well, I don't mean it as a knock, but we approach this differently. We sure do. I don't mean it as a knock either. Go ahead. I'll just say what I think and you can disregard it if you want. +We sure do. I don't mean it as a knock either. Go ahead. I'll just say what I think and you can disregard it if you want. It just might not work for me because of our different approaches. +Wait. What? +What? Your coat jacket is rising up in back. +I don't like being handled. Sit on it! Now look. +Sit on it! Now look. Just don't physically... Fantastic tip -- fantastic. +No. That's not going to tell us anything. Let's get this prompter going. It's not loaded. +It's not loaded. I'll find some copy. Be right back. +No. No. No? +No? Don't let your eyes go from the beginning of the sentence to the end like that. You don't want to look shifty, do you? +Don't let your eyes go from the beginning of the sentence to the end like that. You don't want to look shifty, do you? Oh, God, no! +Oh, God, no! And the left side of your face is the good one. Go again. And try to punch one word or phrase in every sentence -- punch one idea a story. Punch -- come on -- +You were smokin' toward the end there. The pointers were great. I'll study the tape. +Everybody has one like that. I thought it was great when you started to laugh at the end. Yeah -- well, I'm sorry I'm tying up Jane, I didn't realize you two would be going this late. Sorry. +Yeah -- well, I'm sorry I'm tying up Jane, I didn't realize you two would be going this late. Sorry. No. Don't worry about it. +No. Don't worry about it. I'll put her on. +What did they do with you? They booted me out of Washington. +They booted me out of Washington. Impossible. There's no system that wouldn't value one of us. +Impossible. There's no system that wouldn't value one of us. Why? What did they do to you? +You packing up tonight? Yes. And I'm sorry that they're sending you down for a while, but you'll make it back...Where they sending you? +Yes. And I'm sorry that they're sending you down for a while, but you'll make it back...Where they sending you? London. +London. London. That's a promotion! +London. That's a promotion! I don't think so. +I don't think so. It is. Yes -- that's where they had Rorish, for God's sake, before they made him anchor. I can't stand it -- they're grooming you for it all and you don't even know it. +It is. Yes -- that's where they had Rorish, for God's sake, before they made him anchor. I can't stand it -- they're grooming you for it all and you don't even know it. Hold it down, okay? +Hold it down, okay? Can I ask you something? You only had one crew on the date rape piece, right? +Yes. You're not going to stick around for the farewell party? No. I don't know how much fun it will be when Martin Klein and Ernie have to drop off their credentials with the security guard. +This story they won't cover. And if the network doesn't cover it -- it must not be important so why worry. I'm going to miss you -- you're a prick in a great way... +You know what I... No, I liked the way it made me sound. Okay. Be good. So long. +Hi. Well, this kid couldn't possibly belong to anyone else. What's your name? +I'm just bringing him over to give Jane a look at him -- I thought she'd be here. I'll go with you. +I thought she'd be here. I'll go with you. Okay. +Okay. I'll see you back at the hotel. +He excels at gratitude. Are you any closer to a decision? +It's nice to see you. Congratulations on history's longest winning streak. +Congratulations on history's longest winning streak. If you ever get restless in Portland, let me know. +If you ever get restless in Portland, let me know. Why? +It's Mr. Buddy Felton? Yes. +Yes. That's your full name? +That's your full name? Yes. +Yes. I might as well ask you the questions on tape. Is that all right? +I might as well ask you the questions on tape. Is that all right? Yes. +Yes. You worked at one time as Foreign Service Trainee in the State Department. +You worked at one time as Foreign Service Trainee in the State Department. I was there two years and was promoted on merit nine times. +I was there two years and was promoted on merit nine times. Eventually rising to... +Eventually rising to... Office Bimbo. No, I'm sorry. +You're saying the fact that you're gay had something directly to do with your promotions? I don't like the word gay. +I don't like the word gay. Which would you prefer? +Which would you prefer? Ravenous homosexual. +Ravenous homosexual. Stop the tape, okay. Forget it, Ellen. Let's call security and get him out. +Hi. Turn on your TV... Good Morning America, the Morning News and Today are all about to talk to Arnold Schwarzenegger and I think he's live on at least two of them. At six o'clock on the wake-up news they used the wrong missile graphic. +At six o'clock on the wake-up news they used the wrong missile graphic. Now listen, Arnold just said that he's been making three million a movie now. But he's not ever gonna change. He's still the same person when he was making two million dollars a movie. He feels no different. He also bought a brand- new condo with Maria, they gonna furnish tastefully. +Now listen, Arnold just said that he's been making three million a movie now. But he's not ever gonna change. He's still the same person when he was making two million dollars a movie. He feels no different. He also bought a brand- new condo with Maria, they gonna furnish tastefully. A half hour in the lobby. +A half hour in the lobby. Okay, I'll see you in the lobbies [sic]. +Where's where I asked him about being scared? You should work on your speech. No. It makes me nervous to think about it. Let's do this. +He must have been great-looking, right? Why do you say that? +Why do you say that? Because nobody invites a bad- looking idiot to their bedroom. +Okay. Let's do me. Sure. +Sure. Okay. I feel like I'm slipping but do people who are actually slipping feel that way or is it always the really good people who are moving up who invariably think they're slipping because their standards are so high? +Okay. I feel like I'm slipping but do people who are actually slipping feel that way or is it always the really good people who are moving up who invariably think they're slipping because their standards are so high? This conversation is not worthy of you. +This conversation is not worthy of you. I'd give anything if that were true. +I'd give anything if that were true. Good night. +Good night. Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If needy were a turn-on? +Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If needy were a turn-on? Call if you get weird. +They didn't hire Peter Stiller from the Times and he had a great audition tape. You want to start going over who they could have gotten? They can't take on people like this for network news. For God's sake. What's going on? +Nine seconds. Eleven and a half. +Eleven and a half. Oh, God. Back it, Bobbie -- Bobbie? +I didn't sleep. They're giving me less and less air time. They don't think I'm at all anchor material. If we don't get to their camp soon, we won't be able to tape the supplies coming in. +If we don't get to their camp soon, we won't be able to tape the supplies coming in. Last time Paul was sick they gave Connie the weekend news instead of me. +Last time Paul was sick they gave Connie the weekend news instead of me. You spend too much time -- much too much worrying about that crap... Oh good. +Okay. Great line at the end. Did you shoot their boots? +Did you shoot their boots? Of course. +Of course. We can cut back at the end. +We can cut back at the end. To the pan of the supplies boxes -- +To the pan of the supplies boxes -- Can you believe it? I just risked my life for a network that tests my face with focus groups. +I write for you sometimes. Not because you have to. +What happened? I'll tell you later -- where you going to watch from? +I'll tell you later -- where you going to watch from? Watch? -- +Watch? -- I'll come by your place, right after...drink, take pills... Love you. +I think the pilot that shot down the Libyan in 1981 is stationed right here. Maybe you could get him -- and maybe Tom should say that our F-14 is one of the hardest planes to fly. They're nicknamed 'Tomcats'. Thanks. The F-14 is one of the most difficult planes to master. Oh, you call them 'Tomcats' and in the 70's the first crop had a number of crashes. +Me again. Hi. Listen Gaddafi doesn't foam at the mouth or anything. When you speak to him he's not at all nuts. He seems like a leader -- very impressive, self-control...that's what's so strange. Right and we have the '81 pilot on the way in -- Nobody else will have him. +Right and we have the '81 pilot on the way in -- Nobody else will have him. You're welcome. Sow how does it feel to...I know you gotta go -- Me too. We're very busy here. +Well, whatever you think. I figured out exactly why it is I'm so hung up on getting a chance at weekend anchor...It's because if I do that well, they'll pay me more, treat me great and my life will be better. That's why. +I figured out exactly why it is I'm so hung up on getting a chance at weekend anchor...It's because if I do that well, they'll pay me more, treat me great and my life will be better. That's why. Sounds like you may be on to something. +Sounds like you may be on to something. Which means I'm at their mercy and who wants that?...I'm not going to tell you where this thought led me... Anyway, well, why not tell you? -- it's a happy thing. In the middle of all this I start to think about something that does nothing but make me feel good and makes immediate sense and that's you ...And I'll stop here but, Jane, I'd give anything if you were two people so I could call up the one who's my friend and tell her about the one I'm in I...I don't think I should go any further. Come on -- I'll walk you to the corner. +You know you've had a strange day... I'd sleep on all these things you've been thinking. Absolutely...You go have a good time... You have some place to go? +Absolutely...You go have a good time... You have some place to go? Yes. +Yes. Good. +Jesus, Jane. How long have you been here? A long time. I was restless. Will you crack my neck? +Aaah -- -- ello. You sure they said the management meeting? They want me to be at the management meeting. They're not that dumb, after all. +Tom...why don't I meet you there? I've got some last minute stuff I've got to take care of...Hey, how did you resolve your dilemma -- did you rent the tux or buy it...I knew it. How much? Wow...Okay...See you there... I didn't know you were going with him. +I didn't know you were going with him. Did you bring your grey suit? +Did you bring your grey suit? Yes...I was thinking that way too... Which tie? +I read about it -- that's how you can make sure you don't put on too much perfume... Could you at least pretend that this is an awkward situation for you -- me showing up while you're getting ready for a date. +Could you at least pretend that this is an awkward situation for you -- me showing up while you're getting ready for a date. It's not a date. It's co-workers going to a professional conclave. +Because this is important -- so don't just be polite. I'd really like to look...what's the word I'm looking for?... As good as humanly possible. +As good as humanly possible. Yes. +Yes. Well, the line of the jacket -- No really....just very nice...just right. I wish I could be there. +Well, the line of the jacket -- No really....just very nice...just right. I wish I could be there. Me too...Hey...if it gets dull a little before 11:00, drop by the studio. +Me too...Hey...if it gets dull a little before 11:00, drop by the studio. I'm not sure I'll be able to...I... +I'm not sure I'll be able to...I... If...if not, I'll have the tape...I'll wait for you at my apartment. +If...if not, I'll have the tape...I'll wait for you at my apartment. Okay, great -- good luck. +Thanks, Jane. Have a good time tonight. You too. +How'd it go? You didn't see it or speak to anybody? +You didn't see it or speak to anybody? No. +No. Then it went well. +Then it went well. Did it really go well? +Did it really go well? Define your terms. +Define your terms. Do you feel good about it? +Do you feel good about it? No. +No. Do others feel that you did well? +Do others feel that you did well? No. +No. Then what was good about it? +Then what was good about it? I lost six pounds... +I lost six pounds... Aaron, will you tell me? +Aaron, will you tell me? It was great...writing my little first rate copy, sitting on my jacket, punching my one thought. But I had this historic attack of flop sweat so they'll never let me another again. Oh, I lost one of your shoulder pads -- how was your evening anyway? +It was great...writing my little first rate copy, sitting on my jacket, punching my one thought. But I had this historic attack of flop sweat so they'll never let me another again. Oh, I lost one of your shoulder pads -- how was your evening anyway? What do you mean, flop sweat? -- you're making too much out of it...I'll bet you were the only one aware of it... +What do you mean, flop sweat? -- you're making too much out of it...I'll bet you were the only one aware of it... People phoned in. +People phoned in. Stop kidding. I want to know what happened. +Stop kidding. I want to know what happened. I'm not kidding. +I'm not kidding. There were complaining phone calls because you were sweating? +There were complaining phone calls because you were sweating? No, nice ones worried that I was having a heart attack. +No, nice ones worried that I was having a heart attack. If all that happened, how come you're so chipper? +If all that happened, how come you're so chipper? I don't know. At a certain point it was so off the chart bad -- it got funny. My central nervous system was telling me something. Jane -- sweat running down my face -- makeup falling into my eyes -- people turning this fusillade of blow dryers on me -- all so I could read introductions to other people who were covering stories which is what I like to do anyway. And I'm chipper because you finally showed up. I thought I'd cook for us. Tequila and eggs sound good? +I don't know. At a certain point it was so off the chart bad -- it got funny. My central nervous system was telling me something. Jane -- sweat running down my face -- makeup falling into my eyes -- people turning this fusillade of blow dryers on me -- all so I could read introductions to other people who were covering stories which is what I like to do anyway. And I'm chipper because you finally showed up. I thought I'd cook for us. Tequila and eggs sound good? I have to be somewhere. +I told what's his name -- Tom -- that I'd meet him. Call him -- I mean it can wait, right? +Call him -- I mean it can wait, right? I don't know. I may be in love with him. +I don't know. I may be in love with him. No!!!!! +Don't go. This is important to me. +This is important to me. Yeah. Well...I think it is important for you too. Sit down. +What? Let me think a second. It's tough. +Aaach...Jane... Let's take the part that has nothing to do with me. Let's let me be your most trusted friend, the one that gets to say awful things to you. You know? Yes, I guess. Yes. +Yes, I guess. Yes. You can't end up with Tom because it goes totally against everything you're about. +You can't end up with Tom because it goes totally against everything you're about. Yeah -- being a basket case. +Yeah -- being a basket case. I know you care about him. I've never seen you like this about anyone, so please don't take it wrong when I tell you that I believe that Tom, while a very nice guy, is the Devil. +I know you care about him. I've never seen you like this about anyone, so please don't take it wrong when I tell you that I believe that Tom, while a very nice guy, is the Devil. This isn't friendship. +This isn't friendship. What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he's around? Nobody is going to be taken in if he has a long, red, pointy tail. No. I'm semi-serious here. He will look attractive and he will be nice and helpful and he will get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation and he will never do an evil thing...he will just bit by little bit lower standards where they are important. Just coax along flash over substance... Just a tiny bit. And he will talk about all of us really being salesmen. And he'll get all the great women. +I think you're the Devil. No. You know that I'm not. +No. You know that I'm not. How? +How? Because we have the kind of relationship where if I were the Devil, you'd be the only one I told. +You were quick enough to get Tom's help when... Yes, yes. I know. Right. And if it had gone well for me tonight, maybe I'd be keeping quiet about all this...I grant you everything but give me this...he does personify everything you've been fighting against...And I'm in love with you. How do you like that? -- I buried the lead. +I've got to not say that aloud; it takes too much out of me. Sit down, stop. +Don't say anything about anything. Hi. Will I ever sing again? +Bastard, sneak, quitter. Speaking. +Speaking. I just found out. You didn't say anything to me? You just resign? Will you meet me now? -- No, now! I'm going away tomorrow. Please. +Why not try it for a few weeks? Stop. Ernie thought I was good too -- he couldn't help. My agent has a hot prospect -- the number two station in Portland. The general manager says he wants to be every bit as good as the networks. Personally, I think he should aim higher. +Stop. Ernie thought I was good too -- he couldn't help. My agent has a hot prospect -- the number two station in Portland. The general manager says he wants to be every bit as good as the networks. Personally, I think he should aim higher. Tell me the God's honest truth -- are you leaving because of me? Because if you are... +Tell me the God's honest truth -- are you leaving because of me? Because if you are... Ernie told this story. How he used to write obits and when the people in town called him up with death notices, he cried. He was till that way when they promoted him out of obits. He says you're lucky if you can get out while you could still cry. I should have quit this place three years ago. +Ernie told this story. How he used to write obits and when the people in town called him up with death notices, he cried. He was till that way when they promoted him out of obits. He says you're lucky if you can get out while you could still cry. I should have quit this place three years ago. You're just trying to say all great stuff so I'll feel even worse that you're not around. +Let's go... I just want to sit here longer, I mean the feeling is powerful -- why's that? +I just want to sit here longer, I mean the feeling is powerful -- why's that? Maybe the best part of your life is over and you don't want to get up and start the bad part. +You are now required to sit here with me. Come on...be smart for a second -- what do you think will happen to us? Okay, that's very easy. Five, six years from now I'll be in town to collect an award representing the surge in foreign coverage by local stations. +Okay, that's very easy. Five, six years from now I'll be in town to collect an award representing the surge in foreign coverage by local stations. Yes. +Yes. I'll be walking with my wife and two children -- we'll bump into you on the street, my youngest son will say something and I'll tell him... ...it's not nice to make fun of single, fat ladies. +I'll be walking with my wife and two children -- we'll bump into you on the street, my youngest son will say something and I'll tell him... ...it's not nice to make fun of single, fat ladies. You won't be able to stay mad at me, right? +You won't be able to stay mad at me, right? I hope so... No. I'm not really mad. I'll miss you, we'll talk, we'll always be friends...we'll get hot for each other every few years at dinner and never act on it, okay? +I think so...They've been talking to me about being Tom's Managing Editor. Really? +Really? I'm going to take it. +So who's the guy? Well, we met about three months ago. He works at the surgeon general office. He loves boating. So, he's been getting me into water skiing. +I like it! So, doll, what about you lately? Well -- my wife got this new job... +Ready. Your hair's a little funny. +Your hair's a little funny. It's an ethnic curl, I can't do anything about it. +It's an ethnic curl, I can't do anything about it. In front of a little -- it's a bit... You want a mirror? +In front of a little -- it's a bit... You want a mirror? No -- Don't worry about it. Let's do this. +Okay. In other times, for other purposes, there might be a band and bunting here at the bus depot for J.D. Singer's return from war. He... +Oh, you mean use him...That's nice. Okay. I'll put him in the low corner of the frame -- good. +I'll put him in the low corner of the frame -- good. In other times, with other purposes, there might be a band and bunting here at the bus depot for J.D. Singer's return from war. Last week he was decorated by a president for heroism in a war. But it was the civil war -- in Angola -- and he was in it for the money. +I saw the smile -- good piece. I'm gonna go look at it again. +I had the strangest thing happen yesterday. Anne and I have been married what? -- Thirty-six years... Everything fine -- two days after the promotion came through, I was checking myself in the mirror and she was making a face at me behind my back. So yesterday I looked in the mirror and she was doing it again. You didn't say anything to her? +That's it. I resign as of now. Stop it. +Stop it. I'll tell you what. I'll stay if Tom knows how to spell Gaddafi. +Oh, I was just writing you a note. What do you say we take a walk? Outside? +Outside? Yeah -- +I don't know if we have any younger man more respected in our operation than you. Just tell me what's really going on. I think we know each other well enough for me to expect that. +Just tell me what's really going on. I think we know each other well enough for me to expect that. We know each other well enough for me to care how I put something to you which could wipe you out. So I will phrase things the way I think they should be phrased. All right? +We know each other well enough for me to care how I put something to you which could wipe you out. So I will phrase things the way I think they should be phrased. All right? Wipe me out? +Anyway. I want you to think of this as... Just blunt talk, okay? I'd really appreciate bluntness. +Just blunt talk, okay? I'd really appreciate bluntness. Upper management thinks you're dull. +Aaron, I've never seen them like this -- I think Paul's nervous about his own job and for some reason he thinks you only appeal to... Wait. Bullshit me a little...I'm beginning to appreciate it. +Wait. Bullshit me a little...I'm beginning to appreciate it. I'm no suggesting the worst will happen...but someone with your brilliance gets nibbles about other jobs and maybe, the next time that happens, down the road -- you should look into it. +I'm no suggesting the worst will happen...but someone with your brilliance gets nibbles about other jobs and maybe, the next time that happens, down the road -- you should look into it. Ah, damn -- the fucking jerks -- My, God. They want to fire me. +Ah, damn -- the fucking jerks -- My, God. They want to fire me. All I know is that they've got to fire a large number of people... and they're not going by seniority. There's a recklessness in the air. They... +All I know is that they've got to fire a large number of people... and they're not going by seniority. There's a recklessness in the air. They... Do one thing to me? Get me one shot at anchoring the Weekend News -- they've never seen me do it. I think it could turn them around. +Do one thing to me? Get me one shot at anchoring the Weekend News -- they've never seen me do it. I think it could turn them around. I could do it this Saturday -- everyone wants off for the Correspondents' Dinner. +Do it then. Please prepare carefully. This couldn't come at a better time. +Please prepare carefully. This couldn't come at a better time. Prepare what? You have Saturday's news handy? +Prepare what? You have Saturday's news handy? It's been a while since you read the news -- I'll have somebody work with you. Just on superficial performance things. +Okay. I think I'd better be alone for a while. I understand. I'll go with you. +I understand. I'll go with you. Thanks. +It's what he did. I'm proud of him. They told me they'd keep me because they could plug me into any story and my salary was in line. +They told me they'd keep me because they could plug me into any story and my salary was in line. The cost-efficient reporter. +The cost-efficient reporter. So I quit. +Just a few questions? No. +We came from Washington. Move away from me. +Move away from me. How long has it been since you've been home. +How long has it been since you've been home. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckes. Snot... Fuckee. You want to use that? +Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckes. Snot... Fuckee. You want to use that? It depends on how big a news day it is. +All this business of war -- do you get scared? Uh-uh. I'm a little freaked right now about seeing my father though. +Okay. I just wanted you to know. What is she shooting? +What is she shooting? Norman Rockwell's 'Homecoming.' +Norman Rockwell's 'Homecoming.' Oh, that's nice... We'll need some new lines. +Norman Rockwell's enduring portrait of a Homecoming The return of a fighting man has always been one of the more moving ceremonies of war... Tearful women, proud men, excited children. But J.D. Singer was right -- his homecoming was no big deal. We have a minute and a half. It's my responsibility to tell them we won't be ready. +I was a little nervous there for a minute. Oh, come on -- tell us another. +Goodbye, Paul. Take care, Paul. It takes a certain kind of courage for you to say that in front of the President of the News Division. +Take care, Paul. It takes a certain kind of courage for you to say that in front of the President of the News Division. You think anyone who's proud of the work we do is an ass kisser. +You think anyone who's proud of the work we do is an ass kisser. No. I think anyone who puckers their lips and presses it against his boss' buttocks and then smooches is an ass kisser. +No. I think anyone who puckers their lips and presses it against his boss' buttocks and then smooches is an ass kisser. My gosh, and for a while there, I was attracted to you. +Just when do you start, telling people? Almost immediately. +Almost immediately. I'd like to take everyone out after the show. +I'd like to take everyone out after the show. Bill...This is hard on all of us and it's no time for compliments. But I think it's extraordinary of you to come down here for this. +Bill...This is hard on all of us and it's no time for compliments. But I think it's extraordinary of you to come down here for this. If we're not here for each other during the tough time, we're not a news organization. +This is a brutal layoff...And all because they couldn't program Wednesdays. You can make it a little less brutal by knocking a million dollars or so off your salary. +Jane? Yes. +Yes. Well, darling, if it gets any better than that, I'm going to have to bring you up here to New York. +Well, darling, if it gets any better than that, I'm going to have to bring you up here to New York. Thanks. I just wish you'd kept the first twenty seconds. +But thanks. Well, the visual with the boots at the end was just perfect. +Aaron should be hearing this so I have an extra witness. Well, you always want to give the credit away, do you? +Well, you always want to give the credit away, do you? No, I don't. He happens to deserve the credit. He's right here. +No, I don't. He happens to deserve the credit. He's right here. I'll speak to you soon +You don't have time. Not a chance. I'll be right down. It's right tight. +I've got to tell Ernie...because there isn't enough time. Yes, there is. +What did he say? I'll never tell. +Yeah, I know, I went back and forth on it. I liked it. He's not afraid to be human. +Tell George and Jessica to try and cover everything without Tom having to ask additional questions. And Bobbie says... +And Bobbie says... Did you hear what I just said -- do you have that? Take a breath. +Did you hear what I just said -- do you have that? Take a breath. Yes. +It's Aaron. Yes? +Do you know you're the second woman in network news history to produce? No, I'm not. I'm the fourth. Joan Richmond. Pauline Fredericks got that credit once on a U.N. special and there's Susan Zirinsky. +What are you dressed up for? Oh, that's right -- because the Evening News is here this week. I spent a fortune on this. +They canned me. Well, my brother will feel great -- now he's not the only screw-up. It's started. +Go back to 316, Bobbie. The sound bite in the cab -- it starts, 'I don't know how I'll feel...' We could... +We could... Please, Bobbie, we're pushing. +Play back the last line... He said something about... +He said something about... Let me hear it! +Okay, Bobbie, just a two-second dissolve to the Rockwell. Should I... +Should I... Just a two-second dissolve. +Do you want him all the way to the car? No stop where he's all besieged. +No stop where he's all besieged. Because... +Because... Right there, Bobbie. +You know, I like Tom, because hi... Bobbie, please. +They're not really going to call security are they? No, I don't think so. +No, I don't think so. How do I get out of here? +How do I get out of here? Follow me. +Follow me. You talked me into it. +I've been doing some morning show stuff, but mostly radio -- that doesn't bother me. I'm in no rush for anything. It's just the snotty attitude, even if I have it coming, it's still... Bad manners. +Bad manners. Yes. That's right. +Yes. That's right. I know...I mean you didn't do anything special for me tonight. You just had what I think are good manners, decency. And it really makes me want to be nice back and it has nothing to do with any homosexual thing. Honestly. Because I don't know if you've homosexual or not and -- you're not, are you? +I know...I mean you didn't do anything special for me tonight. You just had what I think are good manners, decency. And it really makes me want to be nice back and it has nothing to do with any homosexual thing. Honestly. Because I don't know if you've homosexual or not and -- you're not, are you? No...no. +No...no. One's enough. +I really have to go. Okay. At least let me show my appreciation. The Secretary of Labor is going to be indicted on Wednesday. For the graft thing he supposedly did before he was appointed. +Okay. At least let me show my appreciation. The Secretary of Labor is going to be indicted on Wednesday. For the graft thing he supposedly did before he was appointed. What? +What? Yes, it's true. They're going to make it public Wednesday but isn't it a big deal for you to have it a day and a half early? +Yes, it's true. They're going to make it public Wednesday but isn't it a big deal for you to have it a day and a half early? Yes. How do you know? +Yes. How do you know? My roommate's very social -- somebody from Justice was over and...I always hear things before they happen. Hey, and from now on, so do you. +...and the White House is hoping to keep a lid on it for a few days till they figure out what to do. Thanks a lot, Buddy. +Thanks a lot, Buddy. Oh, please. So they were really impressed with you at work. +Oh, please. So they were really impressed with you at work. Not impressed exactly -- but a break in the clouds. +Not impressed exactly -- but a break in the clouds. I see the change in you -- I see it. +Forgive me, but it really is intoxicating being a news source. Nobody else had it. +Nobody else had it. I wish it were you giving the story. +I wish it were you giving the story. That's okay. +That's okay. What if we just don't tell them anything anymore unless they let you do the story? +What if we just don't tell them anything anymore unless they let you do the story? No. Really...don't worry about it. +No. Really...don't worry about it. Okay. And look, in the future I can call you when I have news for you. Don't feel you have to spend time with me just to get the information. Well, that wasn't as hard to say as you thought, was it, Buddy? +Okay. And look, in the future I can call you when I have news for you. Don't feel you have to spend time with me just to get the information. Well, that wasn't as hard to say as you thought, was it, Buddy? What do you mean? You're one of the few people in this town I can talk to. +Hey, Buddy, don't do that anymore. Okay. +Is everything all right? Yes. You didn't have to come here. It's just that I'm going to anchor this special report on this Libyan thing... +Yes. You didn't have to come here. It's just that I'm going to anchor this special report on this Libyan thing... Anchor? +Anchor? Yes, stop! I wondered if you could find out anything about what's happening. What's wrong? +Yes, stop! I wondered if you could find out anything about what's happening. What's wrong? I broke up with my roommate -- He was really the magnet for everyone who knew anything. +I broke up with my roommate -- He was really the magnet for everyone who knew anything. Oh. +Oh. Look, I can start up with him again if you really... +Look, I can start up with him again if you really... No. I'm doing fine...Look. +Good. He's on the world's longest ego trip, let him take it alone. Hey, okay. Look Buddy -- I've got to go to work. +Hey, okay. Look Buddy -- I've got to go to work. ...good-bye then. +...good-bye then. I'll speak to you. +I'll speak to you. Well, who knows. Just let m tell you what my favorite teacher ever, told me -- 'Don't be afraid to be wonderful.' +Ernie, they're calling from work. Tell me I'm on the way in. +Tell me I'm on the way in. It's Paul. +What? They fired me. +How horrible. We'll be fine. You'll be fine. Stay here with me -- we'll go for a drive, have some drinks, make happy plans. No. They're firing even more people than they said. Some will want to talk. It could help. +No. They're firing even more people than they said. Some will want to talk. It could help. I could use somebody to talk to on a day like this. Sorry. Go ahead. +Bye, sweetie. Okay, sweetie. +...am starting to get jealous. I read in the newspapers about the Italian strike and riots in Milan. I hope you weren't... Honey?... +Jane -- For God's sake... Look, it's time for you to go to sleep. I just have two more pen pals and then I'm done. +I just have two more pen pals and then I'm done. You don't have to finish tonight. +You don't have to finish tonight. Nooo. This way the rotation stays the same. +Nooo. This way the rotation stays the same. Finish quickly. I don't want you getting obsessive about these things. Good night. +I don't know a recent Saturday I've sold more. You didn't think I'd sell that health restaurant, did you? No. Not even you. +No. Not even you. Why so glum? +Why so glum? I don't know. +I don't know. Go ahead. +Go ahead. No, nothing. I've got a problem, I guess. +No, nothing. I've got a problem, I guess. Were you bothering by those waitresses making a fuss? +Were you bothering by those waitresses making a fuss? "No. But, honest. What are you supposed to say when they keep talking about your looks? I don't even know what they mean -- ""Beat them off with a stick.""" +You know, Tom, I feel a little proud when people comment on your looks. Maybe you should feel that way. Proud? I'm just embarrassed that I like when they say those things. +Proud? I'm just embarrassed that I like when they say those things. As long as that's your only problem you're... +As long as that's your only problem you're... It's not. +I got my report card. Three Cs, two Ds and an incomplete. Oh my. I see you studying so hard, Tom. What do you think the problem is? +Oh my. I see you studying so hard, Tom. What do you think the problem is? I'll just have to try harder. I don't know. I will. I will. I will. I will. +Thanks, Dad, this talk helped. Will you sign it, please? Would it help if I got you a tutor? +Would it help if I got you a tutor? That would be great. It better help. What can you do with yourself if all you do is look good? +Tom isn't ready for the job you're about to hand him. Not near ready. Not by the longest shot. Aaron's spent six weeks in Tripoli, he's interviewed Gaddafi -- he reported on the Eight-one story. I think he's essential to do the job we're capable of and I think it's my responsibility to tell you that. Okay, that's your opinion. I don't agree. +Okay, that's your opinion. I don't agree. It's not opinion. +It's not opinion. You're just absolutely right and I'm absolutely wrong? +It must be nice to always believe you know better. To think you're always the smartest person in the room. No, it's awful. Oh my, it's awful. +I had no idea she was this good. Fill for a second. +Hi. I just wanted to tell you how great you were. My name's Tom Grunick. +I just wanted to tell you how great you were. My name's Tom Grunick. Thank you. They hated me. I don't hate them. +Thank you. They hated me. I don't hate them. Well, they say if you can reach even one person, it means something... And you did that. +Hi. I was worried I was early. I was a lot earlier. +I kept thinking what a great break it was for me to get to see you tonight. More than a great break, maybe just what I needed...just when I needed it...Angel of mercy -- godsend...lifesaver...what? "I like ""godsend.""" +"I like ""godsend.""" I haven't been in news that long. I've just been looking for the right person to talk to. I have about two thousand questions for you. +If we could just eat first. Totally understood. Totally wrong of me to talk shop after the day you've had. Totally sorry. +Totally understood. Totally wrong of me to talk shop after the day you've had. Totally sorry. Nooo. If I could just have a roll, I'd be okay. +"Another thing I can't stand is ...when White House reporters bullshit with each other after a briefing and then one of them has a theory and the other quotes it in his story as ""White House"" sources say..." That actually goes on... +That actually goes on... Yes. My room is down here -- I'm not tired. Do you want to keep talking? +Yes. My room is down here -- I'm not tired. Do you want to keep talking? Yes, sure. +Come on...Even I'm not that hard on myself. No, I really got this job on a fluke and wait till you hear where it ends up. +I was doing sports at the station. The newspaper ran this untrue story that I was leaving and they got all these tons of protest mail. So they made me anchor. So great -- right? +So great -- right? Except I'm no good at what I'm being a success at. +Except I'm no good at what I'm being a success at. How are you at back rubs? +Listen to me. You keep on thinking I'm somebody ho lacks...confidence. That's not it. I know I can talk well enough and I'm not bad at making contact with people, but I don't like the feeling that I'm pretending to be a reporter. And half the time I don't really get the news I'm talking about. It isn't that I'm down on myself. Trust me, I stink. I trust you. +I trust you. I didn't even have the chance to get really good at sports. I wasn't bad. I thought I was starting to do interesting features but hockey is big at the station and... +I didn't even have the chance to get really good at sports. I wasn't bad. I thought I was starting to do interesting features but hockey is big at the station and... What about the obvious remedy? Reversing things. Maybe getting a job on a newspaper. +What about the obvious remedy? Reversing things. Maybe getting a job on a newspaper. I don't write. +But that didn't stop me from sending out audition tapes to bigger stations and the networks. Well, come on -- it is your life. Nobody is tying you to the fast track. Did you go to college? +Well, come on -- it is your life. Nobody is tying you to the fast track. Did you go to college? One year...almost one year. +One year...almost one year. So, you're not well educated and you have almost no experience and you can't write. +It's hard for me to advise you since you personify something that I truly think is dangerous. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. I agree with you -- you're not qualified. So get qualified. You can insist on being better prepared. You don't have to just leave it as... 'I don't write. I'm not schooled. I don't understand the news I'm reading. But at least I'm upset about it, folks.' +Whoa, this was a mistake. Just what do you want from me, anyway? Permission to be a fake? Stop whining and do something about it. +I never told you the reason I was telling you everything for. Hey? +Hey? Those audition tapes I sent out... I've been hired by your network for the Washington bureau. So I'll probably see you at work. Sorry. +They said it would be okay if... We're working here!! You can stand over in the uh, uh, uh... +I'm sorry if I was in the way. It was totally impressive. Great piece. You weren't. Thanks. How does it feel being here? +You weren't. Thanks. How does it feel being here? I can't believe I'm really here. No kidding. If you're through work now -- +I can't believe I'm really here. No kidding. If you're through work now -- No. Aaron and I go to Central America on Wednesday -- so I'm cramming. +No. Aaron and I go to Central America on Wednesday -- so I'm cramming. I thought you were incredible in there. I know how much I have to learn. I'd really -- a lot -- appreciate it...if... +I thought you were incredible in there. I know how much I have to learn. I'd really -- a lot -- appreciate it...if... 'Really a lot appreciate it...' +'Really a lot appreciate it...' You make me nervous. Anyway if I can pick your brain -- +I can't help you, sorry. I'm not here to teach remedial reporting. And it has nothing to do with the fact I left your room instead of staying there? +Hi. How's it going? +How's it going? Can I buy you dinner sometime soon? +Can I buy you dinner sometime soon? I just got back -- I don't know which end is up. +I just got back -- I don't know which end is up. Okay. +So he was indicted? Yes. +Give it to him -- so we can concentrate. Ah, I don't want any credit. Bobbie and I serve anonymously. +I've got another story. Some public official skipped a week on his Christmas Club? +Some public official skipped a week on his Christmas Club? The House Armed Service Committee has a secret report which says that the General Stillwell tank the Army has dumped a fortune into plain won't work. I have it cold, confirmed. They have five million dollars in this thing already. +The House Armed Service Committee has a secret report which says that the General Stillwell tank the Army has dumped a fortune into plain won't work. I have it cold, confirmed. They have five million dollars in this thing already. Billion. +Billion. Okay, billion...right, of course. They told me I could have any producer I wanted -- and I want you. +It's the firs time I've seen you dressed like this. You look so clean and pretty. What do you mean clean? +What do you mean clean? At work there's always this sort of film over you. +At work there's always this sort of film over you. Well, thumps like me leave appearance to guys like you. +Well, thumps like me leave appearance to guys like you. You're great at taking the edge off a good time. +You okay? Yes. Just don't say anything mean for a while. Thanks. +Nervous? Excited. +We're going to George. Say 'the Joint Chiefs are meeting -- we have George Weln at the Pentagon'. George Weln is at the Pentagon where the attack launched by the lone Libyan pilot has resulted in a massive movement of military might. +You're an amazing woman. What a feeling having you inside my head. Yeah. It was an unusual place to be. +Yeah. It was an unusual place to be. Indescribable -- you knew just when to feed me the next thing, just a split second before I needed it. There was a rhythm we got into, like great sex. +You have to celebrate with me, don't you? Everybody's going to that bar on the corner, 'Caps.' I'm going over to Aaron's. Maybe I'll hoop up with all of you later. How long do you think you'll be there? +Jane? Yeah? +Yeah? I'll wait for you till seven. +I'll wait for you till seven. Okay. +I didn't think you'd make it. Well, I thought I'd check if all of you were still here. I'll just go in and join the gang and you two go on. +Well, I thought I'd check if all of you were still here. I'll just go in and join the gang and you two go on. There's no gang in there -- We were the last ones. +There's no gang in there -- We were the last ones. Well, I'll go in and have a bite. +Well, I'll go in and have a bite. Jennifer, you want to have another drink? +Jennifer, you want to have another drink? Hey, I know how to have a burger by myself. I feel like a little solitude. +Come on, I'll buy you a drink. There's a big thing over at the Italian embassy. I'm not sure I'd be good company tonight. +I'm not sure I'd be good company tonight. I'll be the judge of that. +It's much too soon for you to have this kind of buzz around you. Do I have to stand here in the middle and meet them all? +Do I have to stand here in the middle and meet them all? I'll get you through. Move and smile. And smile and move... +Maybe we could just sit here -- talk a little? Okay. You didn't like the party, huh? +Okay. You didn't like the party, huh? Too many smart people in one room -- it's not healthy... +I'm going to have to do a story from beginning to end on my own. Eventually. Does it have to be right now? +Eventually. Does it have to be right now? Believe me, I wouldn't be doing this unless it was absolutely necessary. I have an idea for something. +Believe me, I wouldn't be doing this unless it was absolutely necessary. I have an idea for something. What? +What? I just read about it in a magazine and it affected me. +I just read about it in a magazine and it affected me. Well, what is it? +Well, what is it? If I tell you, can you manage not to put it down or tell me why it won't work or is in bad journalistic taste or anything like that? +If I tell you, can you manage not to put it down or tell me why it won't work or is in bad journalistic taste or anything like that? Yes, Tom -- I think I can manage. +I'm not sure I dialed right -- Jane? Jane, yes. Tom? Tom, is that you? Is this Tom? +Jane, yes. Tom? Tom, is that you? Is this Tom? Yes. +Yes. I had to sleep fast so I took two allergy pills to help me...I'm sorry...Hey, you called me. +I had to sleep fast so I took two allergy pills to help me...I'm sorry...Hey, you called me. It's not important. +It's not important. Says who? Not important -- ha-ha-ha. I was dreaming -- Oh, no -- can't tell -- how embarrassing for me. Gosh. +Says who? Not important -- ha-ha-ha. I was dreaming -- Oh, no -- can't tell -- how embarrassing for me. Gosh. What pills did you take? You sound more like someone on a general anesthetic. Maybe I'd better speak to you tomorrow. +What pills did you take? You sound more like someone on a general anesthetic. Maybe I'd better speak to you tomorrow. Nooo. Is it your story? +Nooo. Is it your story? No. Are you going to the Correspondents' Dinner on Saturday? +No. Are you going to the Correspondents' Dinner on Saturday? Why, you need me for the story? +Why, you need me for the story? No. Were you going to you? +No. Were you going to you? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Maybe I'll get off work. I'd like to go. +Maybe I'll get off work. I'd like to go. Oh, good. +Oh, good. We can go together. +So you like me, huh? I like you as much as I can like anyone who thinks I'm an asshole. +So what did you think? It moved me. I did relate to it -- I really did. It was unusual for you to cut to yourself when you tear up -- and that might not have been my choice...but it's real and it got me...and I think a lot of the time I'm too conservative about that kind of stuff. Okay? +It moved me. I did relate to it -- I really did. It was unusual for you to cut to yourself when you tear up -- and that might not have been my choice...but it's real and it got me...and I think a lot of the time I'm too conservative about that kind of stuff. Okay? Yeah. +It's incredible who's here. Who? +Who? Me! +Suppose I go in for a little while and you wait in the lobby-bar. How's that? Good. That's it...See you. +You're not going to take off on me, are you? Uh-uh. +You okay? Great. +Why can't I let go of this woman? Well... +At least kiss me when you do that. You just can't stop editing me. Huh? +You just can't stop editing me. Huh? This is hysterical. +I was half hoping I wouldn't have a good time tonight. You know why? Because you're nuts. +Because you're nuts. Right, right -- Isn't she fun to tease? +I don't remember saying anything like that -- exactly...I don't know why I just did. Oh let's see -- wait a minute, well, I can think of two reasons. +Oh let's see -- wait a minute, well, I can think of two reasons. What? +What? Three...I just thought of a third... If you talk about it, you don't have to do it. +Three...I just thought of a third... If you talk about it, you don't have to do it. That's not it. +That's not it. Good...Another is you're trying to make it all about sex and heat and nothing else. +I forgot all about Aaron. I promised to stop by and see how he did. I'd like to know. I'll go along. +I'd like to know. I'll go along. No. I'll see you at your apartment as soon as I can. +What happened? Don't run off -- like everything's settled the minute you make up your mind. +Don't run off -- like everything's settled the minute you make up your mind. He might be weird -- he can talk more freely if I go alone -- why's that so hard to understand? +He might be weird -- he can talk more freely if I go alone -- why's that so hard to understand? It's not that it's hard. I just want you to give me a minute to catch up. +It's not that it's hard. I just want you to give me a minute to catch up. Okay. Sorry. Don't yell at me like that again, you scared the life out of me. +Hi. It's me. Where are you? +Where are you? I can't get away just yet. I'm at Aaron's. +I can't get away just yet. I'm at Aaron's. Well, when? +Well, when? I'm not sure. It seems like he had sort of a mishap on the news. +I'm not sure. It seems like he had sort of a mishap on the news. I know. I taped it. +I know. I taped it. It wasn't as bad as he think, was it? -- it wasn't unprecedented or anything? +It wasn't as bad as he think, was it? -- it wasn't unprecedented or anything? Not if you count 'Singing in the Rain.' Do him a favor and don't treat it like a tragedy. You want me to talk to him? +Hi, again. Sorry about... No. That sounds more important. Let's forget about tonight. +No. That sounds more important. Let's forget about tonight. I don't know if that's absolutely necessary. +I don't know if that's absolutely necessary. I've got my father coming through tomorrow anyway. I should get some sleep. +I've got my father coming through tomorrow anyway. I should get some sleep. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. I'll see you at the office. Good night. +Hello? Yes. +Yes. Okay. Good night. +Okay. Good night. Good night??! +Good night??! Jane, I'm not some chore you have to finish so you can stay on schedule. +Jane, I'm not some chore you have to finish so you can stay on schedule. Okay, great, Grunick -- Easy shots now -- huh? Good night. +I feel terrible about what happened. What did he say? He -- uh -- said he liked you because you looked like you had -- fire and honesty. +He -- uh -- said he liked you because you looked like you had -- fire and honesty. No. Did he really? +No. Did he really? Yes. Then he said a really weird thing... +Yes. Then he said a really weird thing... What? +What? That it would be a treat to make someone like you feel better... He gets like that sometimes. +That it would be a treat to make someone like you feel better... He gets like that sometimes. That's so perfectly...It really makes me feel a little faint... Whooo. +Maybe I haven't been here long enough. But, hey, congratulations on the promotion. How can you say that to me? +How can you say that to me? Sorry. I can't stand here feeing bad that I don't feel worse. This has happened at every station I ever worked for. Look, I think it's crazy for you to come in here tomorrow and start a new job. I have a week to get to my job. Let's get the hell away to some island fast and find out how we are together away from this. +Well, I just think that' an extraordinary proposal. That's yes? +That's yes? That's more than 'yes' -- that's 'you bet.' +Then give me a minute... You fucking... +Why? I saw the taped outtakes of the interview with the girl. I know you 'acted' your reaction after the interview. +I felt funny about it afterwards. It's verboten, huh? I thought since I did it for real the first time -- but I get you. That's not the reason you're not coming? Of course it's the reason. It's terrible what you did. +Of course it's the reason. It's terrible what you did. We disagree on how God-awful it was. Why don't you come with me and we can disagree and get a tan at the same time? +We disagree on how God-awful it was. Why don't you come with me and we can disagree and get a tan at the same time? Jesus, if you're glib about this I'm going to lose it. I was up all night and... +Jesus, if you're glib about this I'm going to lose it. I was up all night and... Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane... +Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane... It made me ill. You could get fired for things like that. +It made me ill. You could get fired for things like that. I got promoted for things like that. +I got promoted for things like that. Working up tears for a new piece cutaway...You totally crossed the line between... +Working up tears for a new piece cutaway...You totally crossed the line between... It's hard not to cross it; they keep moving the little sucker, don't they? +It's hard not to cross it; they keep moving the little sucker, don't they? It just proves that the difference we have are... +It just proves that the difference we have are... This is a one-way argument. We've got six days; if you go and we fight and we hate it -- we'll come home. If you don't go? Well, that's a much bigger deal. I go to London right after that. So, it'd be very big deal if you stay here. The plane's boarding. You're good at deadline. Here's your ticket. +This is a one-way argument. We've got six days; if you go and we fight and we hate it -- we'll come home. If you don't go? Well, that's a much bigger deal. I go to London right after that. So, it'd be very big deal if you stay here. The plane's boarding. You're good at deadline. Here's your ticket. It's amazing. You commit this incredible breach of ethics and you act as if I'm nitpicking. Try and get this. When you edited that... +It's amazing. You commit this incredible breach of ethics and you act as if I'm nitpicking. Try and get this. When you edited that... I'm leaving now. Gate 43. +That's not going to be the way we say good-bye. Even though I think what you did was rotten -- it's not all impersonal. You mean something to me. You keep coming after me and looking down on me. It's starting to make me batty. +I don't wan to discuss work. Well, let's do a special report on that...I mean that's news. +Well, let's do a special report on that...I mean that's news. I knew what you meant. +I knew what you meant. What I don't know, I can learn and what I know, nobody can teach. Excuse me for saying it about myself, but I think it's true. What do you think? Never mind what you think. +You're lucky I came after you so you got that off your... Yes, I am. Thanks. I mean it. +Yes, I am. Thanks. I mean it. It's okay. +So you have an extra bathing suit, huh? You want to come? +You want to come? It's just that one of the few things I'm not confused about is what I was saying downstairs, that... +It's just that one of the few things I'm not confused about is what I was saying downstairs, that... Then you should stay here. +Then you should stay here. It's better when you let me say it. +Take it easy. Why did I have to do this to myself? Watch you take off. Call me if you need anything. +Well, why not? Hey, what is this? My life's rushing in front of my eyes. A picnic? +A picnic? I thought for ol' Cliff here -- Look at you? You're more adorable than your pictures. Look what I got for you. +What a great surprise. I didn't think we had a chance. I heard you wanted to stay in Washington. Well, there's a guy, but he says he'll fly up a lot. +Well, there's a guy, but he says he'll fly up a lot. Well, we should talk. You going to have time for dinner? I'd like you to meet Lila. +Well, we should talk. You going to have time for dinner? I'd like you to meet Lila. I'm sorry because I was looking forward to that, but I' m going back in a few hours. +I'm sorry because I was looking forward to that, but I' m going back in a few hours. Okay...It's so good to see you. +This is very awkward. Go ahead -- what? +Go ahead -- what? Ummm -- it's dumb dorm stuff but I see Tom around you a lot and this is such a small office and I'd like to see him outside of work, unless there's some reason for you to mind... in which case I just won't do anything. +Ummm -- it's dumb dorm stuff but I see Tom around you a lot and this is such a small office and I'd like to see him outside of work, unless there's some reason for you to mind... in which case I just won't do anything. God Almighty -- Whew. Do I mind? Why do I mind? I do mind. What a shock -- I don't have a right to... I don't think I like him. I know I don't respect him...So what am I talking about -- what am I saying to you? +God Almighty -- Whew. Do I mind? Why do I mind? I do mind. What a shock -- I don't have a right to... I don't think I like him. I know I don't respect him...So what am I talking about -- what am I saying to you? You're saying stay away from him. +You're saying stay away from him. I can't be. +I sure know that feeling. Terrific work today. Right back to you. +So he bought this Peugeot sedan at a greatly reduced price while he was there in charge of the White House Advance Team. How come you're not chasing it down yourself? +How come you're not chasing it down yourself? Look, I'm junior man -- and it's your beat. +Look, I'm junior man -- and it's your beat. Boy, that's nice...I wish we could all deal with each other like this. I'll check it. Anything I can do for you? +Boy, that's nice...I wish we could all deal with each other like this. I'll check it. Anything I can do for you? This is my first time at the White House. Is there any chance to look at where he works and the rest of it? +This is my first time at the White House. Is there any chance to look at where he works and the rest of it? I didn't have the guts to ask when I first came up. I'll get you a great tour. +The last time I was with someone we went through this awful mutual disease questionnaire but I guess it beats getting paranoid the next day. Okay, I'll go first. I haven't... It would never occur to me to worry at all about you. +Where's the bathroom? Through the closet. +I converted a bedroom -- this stuff builds up. Wait till you've been doing this sixteen years. I'm not knocking it. It's a great solution. Not only the storage but you can see everything you have. +That's enough. That's enough. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Are you okay? +Are you okay? Yes, I'm sorry. +Yes, I'm sorry. Don't be silly. What are you sorry about? +Don't be silly. What are you sorry about? The way you were looking at me, I just went. +I just need you for another minute now, so we can shoot from behind towards me, and, um... Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. ...that way we have someplace to go when we cut. And I just sit here, I nod my head and look nerdy. +Don't you work here? Not anymore! +Would you like to do me? I just might. +I just might. I'd be glad to help. For $50 an hour. +That's not true I am a sculptor! Oh yeah? +If you were an artist you could have created something! I'm going home! +What are you doing here? I wanted to apologize for being nasty to you this evening. +Listen schmuck, why don't you get out of here and let me go to bed! I didn't finish talking to you! +I didn't finish talking to you! Well I'm done talking to you, what do I have to do, draw you a diagram! +Well I'm done talking to you, what do I have to do, draw you a diagram! I decided to make a female figure after all! I want you to pose for it. +Well I'm touched. You're serious, aren't you? Yes. Fifty dollars an hour, right? +Yes. Fifty dollars an hour, right? Yeah. +Tonight. What, right now? +What, right now? Uh-huh. +It's kind of dark - Shh! +I'm almost ready - Sit in this chair, and I'll pose you. +That doesn't look like very much clay. Oh it's enough... +Oh it's enough... Are you nervous, Walter? +Are you nervous, Walter? N-no... +Not even a little bit? I already told you I'm not. +I already told you I'm not. When's the last time you had a totally nude girl in your room... +When's the last time you had a totally nude girl in your room... Um... +Um... Without a stitch of clothing on, sitting and facing you... +A girl with a body like mine? You're breaking my concentration! +Walter can I ask you something? What! +What! Are you a virgin? +It's just an innocent question. Besides I just wanted to clarify your intentions. Whaddya mean? +Whaddya mean? Well I just wanted to make sure you know, fully and completely, that you're never gonna get any from me, at least in this lifetime. +Look - This pose is all wrong! I'll pose any way you want. +Alright we're clear. Anything new? +Anything new? Not really. One girl who fit the descrip came in, kinda skinny, brunette, didn't see much changing hands. +Not really. One girl who fit the descrip came in, kinda skinny, brunette, didn't see much changing hands. Is the manager cooperating? +Is the manager cooperating? Yeah, he's keeping an eye out, said he'd call us if he sees anything. That's about it for tonight. +Yeah, he's keeping an eye out, said he'd call us if he sees anything. That's about it for tonight. Alright I got you, man. It's my turn for freak patrol. +Alright I got you, man. It's my turn for freak patrol. You know it. I'm out of here. +What the hell's going on? Everyone wants to meet the bus boy. +Everyone wants to meet the bus boy. What did he do? +What did he do? He made a cat. +See you later - Righto. +Don't worry about him...what have you got? A thing I made. +I've never seen anything like this, maybe Segal, but nothing with such... dichotomy... It's very good, Walter - Honest? +You really like it? Of course...it's wonderful. +Great! What is it? It's a...full length life-size figure! +It's a...full length life-size figure! What's it called? +What's it called? Murdered man. +It's called spontaneity, Leonard. Get with the program. Yeah it was all just an accident. +Look at the size of it! It's not really that big I got it on kind of a stand... +It's not really that big I got it on kind of a stand... Let's see it. +Let's see it. Uh, well, I'm a little nervous, I never did a person before. +Uh, well, I'm a little nervous, I never did a person before. You can do anything you want if you set your mind to it. +Like it? It's a masterpiece. I've never seen anything like it before... and I hope I never see anything like it again. Walter smiles and looks at his creation - Me too. +How did you ever find it all in yourself, Walter? It wasn't easy. +Gee..twenty five dollars for something I made! Now you're a professional! +Hi Walter. Carla... +These guys came by to help me try out some of my new organic recipes. Oh... +What's up, Walter? I came over to see you. I brought something...I wanted to show you. +I came over to see you. I brought something...I wanted to show you. Oh yeah? +Oh yeah? Yeah. Can some of you guys help me? +Is it murdered man? Better! +You think she's better than Murdered Man? Well I can't say that Walter! She's incomparable. They're both great. +More champagne, your majesty? Here here... +Where where... There there... +May I please have another little kiss? Walter! Jeez! +Walter! Jeez! Sorry... +Did you hear what he said? Yes Walter. +Yes Walter. All about me... +It's true, isn't it? Every word... +I know what it is to be ignored. Tell us what you're going to make next, Walter. +Tell us what you're going to make next, Walter. I'm gonna make the most wildest wittiest things you ever seen... gonna make big statues and li'l statues, tall statues n' short statues... +I mean, you look so pretty. Thank you. +Thank you. Are you ready? +Are you ready? Ready? We've got plenty of time. +Ready? We've got plenty of time. I know. But I wanted to talk to you. +Goodbye. Bye! +Nice night out... Hm... +Well...what did you want to talk to me about? Well...w-what kind of people do you like, Carla? +Well...w-what kind of people do you like, Carla? Oh, I don't know. Smart people. Creative people I guess. +Oh, I don't know. Smart people. Creative people I guess. You think I'm creative? +You think I'm creative? Of course I do! +Of course I do! That means you like me! +I like you very much, Walter. I thought you did on account of you kissed me the other night! +Well that was for your sculpture of the girl. Your nude in the chair. Carla - +- even though Leonard's always asking you to go out with him and I - just - What are you trying to say? +Uh... ...how long have you been thinking about this, Walter? Oh...f-for a long time. Ever since you first came to the club. +But you gotta love me! Why do you think I made that statue of Alice?! Walter, I'm sorry... +Walter, I'm sorry... You just can't be sorry! I wanna - I wanna marry you! +Now calm down Walter! Now, let's go in there, and when the show's over, maybe we can talk about it. No! I want to talk about it now! +No! I want to talk about it now! Walter... I don't want to hurt your feelings but there is no way we're ever going to get...together. You know what I mean? +Walter... I don't want to hurt your feelings but there is no way we're ever going to get...together. You know what I mean? Why not?! +Why not?! Because... We're just friends. That's all. Just friends. WALTER I get it. I see the whole thing now. No one knows if Walter Paisley is born! +Because... We're just friends. That's all. Just friends. WALTER I get it. I see the whole thing now. No one knows if Walter Paisley is born! Jeez, what is your problem all of a sudden? +Jeez, what is your problem all of a sudden? Oh sure, let's string along poor Walter, see how far it will take us! +I'm sorry about what I said before. Forget it. +Forget it. I've been thinking... Carla, would you do one favor for me? +I've been thinking... Carla, would you do one favor for me? Just about anything, Walter. +Just about anything, Walter. Would you let me make...a statue of you? +Would you really like to? That would make me very happy. Ok...tonight. I'll make a statue of you tonight, OK? +Walter...there's... What? +What? There's...a body inside that statue! +Walter...stay away from me! Don't you see Carla? I made them immortal. +That's word for word. Is it? I've forgotten. +Here you go, enjoy. I hope this was made with egg whites! +I hope this was made with egg whites! It was. +It was. What's this sauce! I'm lactose intolerant. +What's this sauce! I'm lactose intolerant. Don't worry it's a non-dairy sauce made from soy milk. +Don't worry it's a non-dairy sauce made from soy milk. Hm. +Put it in the middle of the room! When did you make this, Walter? +Walter...I can't believe it. I'm honored to know this man. +Ah, your new head shot... I like it, very much... Do you have to be so cold to him? +I'm trying to find a style of my own. Do you really like them? Oh yes...very nice...very, very nice... +Hi Walter... What are you doing here so early? +Maybe so... I wouldn't give up your day job. +You've arrived. You've been recognized. You're a talent, a creative force to be reckoned with. Leonard, what are you doing? +Are you trying to be funny? I'm totally serious! +Murdered...man?... When do we get to see it? WALTER Well...any time, I guess. +Are you alright? Yes...I'm uh...I'm fine. +Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better. Listen, I'm going over to Walter's after the place closes. I want to get a look at Murdered Man. Do you want to come along? +What's the matter with you? Nothing...nothing at all. +Nothing...nothing at all. I've never seen anyone so... squeamish. Well, what's your opinion, Leonard? +I've never seen anyone so... squeamish. Well, what's your opinion, Leonard? Don't ask. +Don't ask. Oh come on! Even you can see its value. +Well then admit it, it's a work of genius. I admit it. +No. Why don't you cover it up Walter... Why not? +Why not? Why don't you cover it up, Walter! +What's wrong with you, why do you want to hide it? Well, I've been thinking... I didn't realize how much...talent Walter actually had. It would be wrong for us to show them one at a time. Dead wrong. +Well, I've been thinking... I didn't realize how much...talent Walter actually had. It would be wrong for us to show them one at a time. Dead wrong. You're right. We should build a collection first. +It will take years to make that many statues. But your work would be featured. That's the idea, Walter. It's the only way to gain recognition. All the big art critics and art dealers would be there, it would be an event. +That's the idea, Walter. It's the only way to gain recognition. All the big art critics and art dealers would be there, it would be an event. Yeah then you could unload - sell this stuff for a lot more. +Carla and I will guide you, help develop and evolve your work...maybe lead you toward something more abstract... Abstract? With his talent for realism? +Abstract? With his talent for realism? You see the direction his realism takes! It's unhealthy! +Would you pose for me for free? Well, it all depends, Leonard... +It's our road kill series. I take the pictures. I do the research. +Yeah, can you say plagiarism? Not only that, he copied us! +Look at that, man. Big deal. I know. +I know. I mean it's like, you know, I do my art because that's what I am, you know? I'm an artist. I'm not like a banker, you know. Like I create. +I mean it's like, you know, I do my art because that's what I am, you know? I'm an artist. I'm not like a banker, you know. Like I create. I know, man. +I know, man. But it bugs me when someone rips off our ideas, our concepts, and people freak out about it, you know, and tell us ours stinks! +But it bugs me when someone rips off our ideas, our concepts, and people freak out about it, you know, and tell us ours stinks! I know, man. +I know, man. I mean, screw them, you know? I'm just gonna go right on creating 'cause it comes from here - you know? +I mean, screw them, you know? I'm just gonna go right on creating 'cause it comes from here - you know? I know, man. +I wonder what his deal is. I think he's looking for you, man... it's all finally catching up with you! +Man that's a trippy name, kinda like the Warhol mayhem series... I saw a statue once called The Third Time Phyllis Saw Me She Exploded. +I saw a statue once called The Third Time Phyllis Saw Me She Exploded. Now what kind of statue was that? +Now what kind of statue was that? I don't know it was made out of driftwood and dipped in sulfuric acid. It was out there... +There's that weird dude again. Man if this place doesn't cool out I'm gonna hang out somewhere else... +Man look at that get up ! Looks like that cat paid off in spades. +Looks like that cat paid off in spades. Let's check out the scene. +Man if you want to be a legit artist you have to do nudes, nudes, nudes... Right. Ain't no body of work complete without some... nudes - +Man this is heavy! Yeah what's this, Murdered Elephant? +What did he say? Didn't you hear him? +Didn't you hear him? No man I'm on my own plane. +Man, why do you suppose Walter wants to get her alone? You suppose he could be physically attracted to her? No man, he ain't the type. He don't get enough vitamin E. +No man, he ain't the type. He don't get enough vitamin E. Maxwell gave him a bottle of wheat germ oil. Maybe he started taking it. +That's alright, we got a pressing engagement! Yeah, right outside the door! +Walter, what are you doing? I was just looking at Carla's picture. +I was just looking at Carla's picture. Well that's not what I pay you for, now is it? +Well that's not what I pay you for, now is it? Well I was uh, just looking... +Well I was uh, just looking... Well do some looking around the room. I see cups, ashtrays - let's go... +Well I brought something, I wanted to show you. What is it, your laundry? +What is it, your laundry? Huh? +Where'd ya buy that? I didn't buy it I made it. +You...made that? I said I did, didn't I! +Dead Cat! Dead Cat? +Dead Cat? Yeah. +Yeah. Well it sure looks dead enough. +You want to buy it, put it in the club? You want me to buy Dead Cat? It'll scare people away. +Well...why did you put a knife in it? I didn't mean to. +I didn't mean to. Got carried away, huh? +Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll put it in the corner of the alcove. If it sells, we'll split it fifty- fifty. How's that? Sure! So I guess that means I'm an artist after all. +All that is comes through the eye of the artist... Alright get a grip on yourself Now since you're here why don't you start early, the kitchen needs cleaning. +Alright get a grip on yourself Now since you're here why don't you start early, the kitchen needs cleaning. Sure! +People seem to like my cat. Enough already about it - get to work! +Did you hear that Mr. De Santis? Everyone's really crazy about Dead Cat. Yes they are, aren't they? Look, why don't you take the rest of the night off, you look tired. +Yes they are, aren't they? Look, why don't you take the rest of the night off, you look tired. Well I don't know - +No, it's Ok...you came in early. Besides, you're creating an incident. When people are applauding they don't order anything. Well... +Well... Look, go home and...work on something. Make another cat. +Look, go home and...work on something. Make another cat. I don't have another cat! +I don't have another cat! Well make a dog, make a parakeet! I'm sure you'll think of something. +Well make a dog, make a parakeet! I'm sure you'll think of something. A parakeet? +Go home. OK...good night Mr. De Santis! +OK...good night Mr. De Santis! Good night Walter. +H-have a seat? Have a seat - +I thought I'm not supposed to sit with the customers... Now why shouldn't you, Walter? Things are different now... +Now why shouldn't you, Walter? Things are different now... They are? +Hiya Carla. What am I doing? I'm just telling Walter the truth. +You know what that proves? What, Mr. De Santis? +The question is what are you going to make next, Walter? Did you make that dog yet, or that parakeet? How about making something out of the cockroaches in your room? I-I already got a new one! +Well...why murdered man? I don't know, it just happened, I guess. I didn't mean to. +I don't know, it just happened, I guess. I didn't mean to. You didn't mean to what? +You didn't mean to what? Well, I mean it could have been something else, but it just worked out that way. +It's hot in here... You want me to open a window or something? +A show?! Like this Sunday? N-no! Not exactly, I mean you take years and years... +A show..how soon can we go? These things take time Walter... but for now you've got to break out of this one...avenue you're on... +You better hold off on the bubbly. Yeah, why? +Yeah, why? You might talk too much. +You might talk too much. Yeah and what would I say? +Hello Leonard! Beautiful morning, isn't it? It was. +What do you have in the box? Just wait till you see this! +Whatsamatter Leonard? You made...a bust... WALTER Yeah isn't it wonderful? +Whatsamatter Leonard? Put it down, Walter. +Walter...Walter listen carefully. I don't want you to make any more statues. Do you understand? No more statues. Well Why not? I gotta make statues Leonard. You heard Maxwell, they want me to make them. I can't go back to being a busboy! +Well Why not? I gotta make statues Leonard. You heard Maxwell, they want me to make them. I can't go back to being a busboy! Maxwell! He's behind all this with all his stupid blowhard poetry! Listen, you've got to stop right away! I'm beginning to feel responsible! +Maxwell! He's behind all this with all his stupid blowhard poetry! Listen, you've got to stop right away! I'm beginning to feel responsible! Well, w-what did you do? +Well, w-what did you do? Never mind... +When Carla comes by I'll talk to her. She'll make up some nice invitations. We'll have them printed up. Yeah? +Yeah? Well invite the critics, and the art collectors...we'll tell them... +I tried to contact you by phone but I couldn't... Excuse me I have to make a call... +I want that cat. I'll pay you one thousand dollars - cash. I'm trying to reach Lieutenant Beldere... +I'm trying to reach Lieutenant Beldere... What offers have you got for it? I won't be out-bidded. I'm a wealthy man and I don't mind paying for something I want. +What offers have you got for it? I won't be out-bidded. I'm a wealthy man and I don't mind paying for something I want. I can't talk right now. +I can't talk right now. What do you want for it? Two thousand? Three thousand? +What do you want for it? Two thousand? Three thousand? No...look I'm busy... +No...look I'm busy... Listen to me...I don't want to lose this piece - +Listen to me...I don't want to lose this piece - I'm holding for Lieutenant Beldere! +I'm holding for Lieutenant Beldere! Listen to me, listen to me...I've been collecting art pieces all over the world for years and let me tell you something. This newcomer Walter Paisley has it, whatever it is, the X factor, that indefinable quality that separates the greats from the hacks, and I want that cat in my hands. Are you listening to me? +Listen to me, listen to me...I've been collecting art pieces all over the world for years and let me tell you something. This newcomer Walter Paisley has it, whatever it is, the X factor, that indefinable quality that separates the greats from the hacks, and I want that cat in my hands. Are you listening to me? Can't you see I'm busy here? +How ya doin'? Uh, hi. +Hello, Walter. Hi. I know you! I've seen you down at the Jabberjaw plenty. +Hi. I know you! I've seen you down at the Jabberjaw plenty. Yes, you have. Can I come in? +Yes, you have. Can I come in? Uh, sure. +I was going to make some pancakes, you can have some if you like. Hm. +Hm. Did you see my cat? +Did you see my cat? Yeah I did. +I also saw the girl give you this. Oh yeah that was Mayolia, she's a nice girl. She's kind of strange, though. +You like chasing the dragon, Walter? Chasing the dragon? Whaddya mean? You sure you don't want a pancake? +Chasing the dragon? Whaddya mean? You sure you don't want a pancake? You can cut the crap. +Police officer. You're like an undercover guy! +You're like an undercover guy! You're in some deep shit pal, whether you know it or not. +You're in some deep shit pal, whether you know it or not. Huh?!!! +Huh?!!! Possession of narcotics isn't something we take lightly, you understand? +But I got a feeling you're gonna cooperate with me. Yessir, I think you and me are gonna be real good friends. Why don't you tell me about your connection. C-connection? +C-connection? I'm not looking to pinch you! I don't care about you, or the girl. But you want to save your ass, you better start telling me what I want to hear. Now! +I'm not looking to pinch you! I don't care about you, or the girl. But you want to save your ass, you better start telling me what I want to hear. Now! Telling you what? +Telling you what? Who's the head honcho! Who's providing the smack connection! +Who's the head honcho! Who's providing the smack connection! Smack? +Smack? Goddammit, where are you from, Mars? +Goddammit, where are you from, Mars? Alaska! What the heck's wrong with it! +Alaska! What the heck's wrong with it! Haven't you ever heard of smack! Horse! Junk! Heroin! +Haven't you ever heard of smack! Horse! Junk! Heroin! Is that what that is? I never seen any before. I always thought that stuff was expensive! +Is that what that is? I never seen any before. I always thought that stuff was expensive! Oh, yeah. It can get real expensive. +Who do think you're dealing with, huh? I'm willing to cut you a break, chief! You are? +You are? Good ol' mild mannered Walter! Give it up. It doesn't fly with me. +I- don't know what you're talking about! You're coming downtown with me, Walter. You're gonna come clean with me, you're gonna name names or I swear to God I'll see to it personally you rot in a cell upstate! Are we understanding each other? +You're coming downtown with me, Walter. You're gonna come clean with me, you're gonna name names or I swear to God I'll see to it personally you rot in a cell upstate! Are we understanding each other? Wait a minute! What'd I do? +Wait a minute! What'd I do? I got you cold, pal. Make it easy for yourself, use your head. +I got you cold, pal. Make it easy for yourself, use your head. I didn't do nothing wrong! That was Mayolia's! I didn't ask her for it. I don't know about any - +I didn't do nothing wrong! That was Mayolia's! I didn't ask her for it. I don't know about any - Yeah yeah yeah - look! I've heard this song and dance before, save your breath, you're coming with me! Lou goes to turn Walter against the wall but Walter springs back - +Yeah yeah yeah - look! I've heard this song and dance before, save your breath, you're coming with me! Lou goes to turn Walter against the wall but Walter springs back - Wait a minute - I told you I didn't do nothing wrong! +Wait a minute - I told you I didn't do nothing wrong! Don't give me a hard time Walter! You don't want to get me mad! You're coming with me! +Don't give me a hard time Walter! You don't want to get me mad! You're coming with me! I ain't going no place with you! +You're gonna shoot me! Turn around! +What are ya, deaf? Turn around! NO! NO DON'T SHOOT ME I DON'T WANT TO GET SHOT! +NO! NO DON'T SHOOT ME I DON'T WANT TO GET SHOT! Relax! +YOU'RE GONNA SHOOT ME! Walter shut up and relax! +Walter shut up and relax! NO YOU'RE GONNA SHOOT ME DON'T SHOOT - +I don't think anyone gets what I said, their blank faces staring, mute, unfeeling - I liked it very much Mr. Brock. I liked it very much. +I liked it very much Mr. Brock. I liked it very much. Well I'm overjoyed. +Well I'm overjoyed. """Let them die, and by their miserable death become the clay in his hands, that he might form an ashtray or an ark -""" +I thought you believed that life is a homeless traveler riding on the RTD of - I know that - I know that! I also believe in burning the creative candle, you understand, down to the end - to be uncreative you might as well be dead...a walking machine, toiling in a factory! +I know that - I know that! I also believe in burning the creative candle, you understand, down to the end - to be uncreative you might as well be dead...a walking machine, toiling in a factory! I worked in one of them. Back in Alaska. +Are you done with these? Yes, get rid of them... +I saw your...cat. Did you like it Mister Brock? +Did you like it Mister Brock? Call me...Maxwell. +Maxwell. I see the rewards of achievement have come your way. +And what project looms on the horizon, Walter? Uh, I don't know. +Hi. Good morning Walter! +Wheat germ omelette, guava nectar and garbanzo sprinkled with smoked yeast. Join us? No thanks. Sounds good though. +No thanks. Sounds good though. Suit yourself. +An' everyone will say Walter let me shake your hand...it's a real pleasure to have known you... Here here! +After that we go no more! Hiya Maxwell. +I won't say good luck, Walter. Why not? +Why not? It would imply you could not succeed on your ability alone! +Why on Earth should you be so depressed? Have you heard some of the things they've been saying? You can make fifty thousand on these pieces alone! I thought you didn't respect money! +I thought you didn't respect money! I don't! But fifty thou? That's not money, that's manna! +I get it Walter. I get it. What do you get? +What do you get? Your work, the layers of irony. +Hello Mayolia. Walter, you did something to me with your work tonight. +Walter, you did something to me with your work tonight. With Dead Cat? +With Dead Cat. Like a breath of fresh air. I could just - babble on about it for hours. Really? +It's like...you've turned on. T-turned on? +T-turned on? A hot light bulb is burning inside of you. I want to be warmed by it. +A hot light bulb is burning inside of you. I want to be warmed by it. That's really nice of you Mayolia. +That's really nice of you Mayolia. Let me into your world Walter... let me into that white hot inspired world. +Let me into your world Walter... let me into that white hot inspired world. I can't. I gotta go home. +Well, I'll go home with you. Oh no, I couldn't do that. Mrs. Swicker would start asking questions. She's my landlady. +I don't think so Mayolia. I want to be part of it, I want to inspire you, I want to do - something! +I want to be part of it, I want to inspire you, I want to do - something! You don't have to do anything! +You don't have to do anything! Then let me give you something then... +I want you to have it. There's a little something for you in here... Gee. Thanks. +Gee. Thanks. Let it inspire you. Maybe it will let you think of me. +Oh, hello Mrs. Swicker. Hello Walter. I want to tell you the super fixed the leaky pipes and sealed up that hole in your wall. +Hello Walter. I want to tell you the super fixed the leaky pipes and sealed up that hole in your wall. Oh, OK. +Oh, OK. Walter you look awful pale! What did you have to eat today? +Walter you look awful pale! What did you have to eat today? I had a salami sandwich, Mrs. Swicker. +I had a salami sandwich, Mrs. Swicker. If you were my son...why don't you let me fix you a nice hot bowl of soup, it won't take but a minute. +If you were my son...why don't you let me fix you a nice hot bowl of soup, it won't take but a minute. Oh no, that's OK, I can fix myself something. Besides, I got something important to do... +Uh, no, I didn't see him at all. What's got into that cat? Well if you do see him, tell him I've got a nice fat piece of ocean-fresh halibut for him - +What's got into that cat? Well if you do see him, tell him I've got a nice fat piece of ocean-fresh halibut for him - T-tell him that? +T-tell him that? If you see him. +If you see him. OK Mrs. Swicker. +Good night Walter... Good night, Mrs. Swicker - +What's all the noise in here! Noise Mrs. Swicker? What noise? +Don't tell me I didn't hear a racket! I'm an older woman and I don't need to be upset and disturbed in this manner! I was just straightening up the place. +I was just straightening up the place. Straightening up indeed! Are you sure you're not alone? +Straightening up indeed! Are you sure you're not alone? I'm always alone, Mrs. Swicker, you know that. +Walter have you been talking to yourself again? Well yes I guess I have been Mrs. Swicker. Somebody's got to. +She doesn't have to be pretty... just as long as she takes good care of you... Uh, I can take real good care of myself, Mrs. Swicker! +Uh, Mrs. Swicker I got to meet some friends later, and I have to take a shower! Well why don't you clean up this dump! +I will - good night Mrs. Swicker! What's the matter with you! +I don't think this is gold. Not as single-minded as the others, not as sybaritic. Almost thoughtful. She's useless. +What's wrong with you!?! My arm! He took my fucking arm! +My arm! He took my fucking arm! Shut up! You let him have it! +You reckless imbecile. This place is ours for the taking and you let yourself... twelve hundred years old and you act like a child. I had him in my grasp. +I had him in my grasp. Cheer up. You may still. +I look horrible. The other two -- the new ones. Where are they? +The other two -- the new ones. Where are they? I don't know. But the boy, he couldn't kill them. +I don't know. But the boy, he couldn't kill them. No... Not a boy... Find out if they're dead. And do something about that arm. Honestly, I don't know how you made it through the Crusades. +I like it. Can I be your friend? Stay away from my thang. Sorry, honey. 'Thing.' +Well, um... litter? Litter, yeah! +... And they're having some memorial service or something tomorrow. You going? I don't know. Coach said I had to work on my 'ab's.' +I don't know. Coach said I had to work on my 'ab's.' Coach knows what abs are? +Whoa! Whoa! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't actually need any right now. What's with you? +Nice to feel needed. Let's move out! +Let's move out! Yes! +Nice game. Jeffrey, I don't mean to sound sexist or anything, but can I borrow her? +Jeffrey, I don't mean to sound sexist or anything, but can I borrow her? Andy! +Man has a complex. He's got a... What do you call it? A Napoleonic Code. +Don't grab me, okay? Absolutely. I see now the error of my mistake. +Buffy! Looking tasty. Thanks. Have you seen Jeffrey? +Buffy, this is crazy. What do these guys want? Andy, start breaking up some chairs. You'll need weapons. +Booo! Suck! +Suck! Wrong answer! No prize. +No, we didn't. Oh, yeah. But I still want to know what happens. +Come on, come on, fork up the scub. That's it, man. That's the whole story. +That's it, man. That's the whole story. We're looking at a dog, possible coffee... +It's coffee. Amazing! +Figures. Do people ever call you 'Buffy the Buffalo?' I'm just wondering. +You're the guys from the movie! We hate you guys! +Hey! She wasted my dog! Bummer metaphor. +Rich bitches. They're a plague. They've gotta be stopped. You didn't like them. +You didn't like them. They're all the same! They're so stuck up, they're just... they're not even human. I hate them. +They're all the same! They're so stuck up, they're just... they're not even human. I hate them. Would you sleep with them? +Would you sleep with them? Yes. Definitely. Definitely. Please, God. +Yes. Definitely. Definitely. Please, God. Well, there it is, isn't it? You don't even like them, and you'd sleep with them. What's that all about? +Well, there it is, isn't it? You don't even like them, and you'd sleep with them. What's that all about? I got a news flash, man, another shot of this and I'll have sex with you. +I got a news flash, man, another shot of this and I'll have sex with you. Oh, yeah, and then you'll never call me. +When you get your car together, man, let's bail. You think? Split? +You think? Split? Utterly. Let's bail this town. It's getting... I don't know. Let's go somewhere where there aren't any rich bitches. +Utterly. Let's bail this town. It's getting... I don't know. Let's go somewhere where there aren't any rich bitches. Our own world, where we could live and grow beans. Hundreds of beans. +Benny, man, where you been? You bailed on me, I passed out, man, I almost did a Jimi Hendrix! Let me in. +Let me in. Hey, I'm trying, but this window is burnt -- +Invite me in, Pike. Wait a minute. What's wrong with you, man? +Wait a minute. What's wrong with you, man? I'm fine. +I'm fine. You look like shit, Benny. +I... feel.... pretty. No offense, man, but I think you're on something nasty. Why don't you just go and cool out and I'll see you in the morning or something. +No offense, man, but I think you're on something nasty. Why don't you just go and cool out and I'll see you in the morning or something. The sun! It burns! It burns! +Let me in, Pike! I'm hungry! Get away from here. +Get away from here. I'm hungry. +I'm hungry. I mean it. +Did you see a girl come by here? You don't mean, like, a cheerleader? +You don't mean, like, a cheerleader? Yes. +Yes. Yeah, I saw her. Bitch took my wheels. +Yeah, I saw her. Bitch took my wheels. Wheels? +Wheels? My bike! She's a lesbian, too. She told me. +My bike! She's a lesbian, too. She told me. Which way did she go? +Which way did she go? Down there. +Excellent. What's playing there? +Your parents are always going away for the weekend. You're so lucky. Yeah, I guess. +Yeah, I guess. My mom doesn't go anywhere. She even does the shopping network. I'm gonna die a virgin. +Oh, my God. Is that true? Probably. What movie is this? +Are there any good sicknesses that aren't too depressing? Guys. The environment. I'm telling you, it's totally key. The earth is in terrible shape, we could al die, and besides, Sting's doing it. +Hey, I was thinking, for the dance, what about a big sign that says 'Don't Tread On Me'. You know, and a picture of the earth. Don't tread on the earth? +Dying. Eeyuu. +Hi, Buffy. Hi, guys. +He doesn't look fifty. Guys. Guys! Reality pulled out of her five minutes ago. +Do you know what time it is? Uum... around ten? +Buffy, honey? Yeah? +Yeah? Have you gained a few pounds? Maybe it's that outfit... +Have you gained a few pounds? Maybe it's that outfit... Maybe. +Maybe. What's Bobby gonna say? +What's Bobby gonna say? I don't know, Mom; I've never met Bobby. +I don't know, Mom; I've never met Bobby. Aren't we the chatty ones. Kiss noise. +You okay? I... yeah, I'm okay. I'm fine. +Well... it's possible they think my name's Bobby. Real 'quality-timers,' Hugh. +Real 'quality-timers,' Hugh. Something like that. +Something like that. Hey, it works for me. If they want to leave you alone in the house, all helpless and vulnerable... +What show is this? It's the news, Buffy. +It's the news, Buffy. Oh. Who's in it? I know what it is. It's what's on instead of the movie. +Oh. Who's in it? I know what it is. It's what's on instead of the movie. I just want to see the basketball scores. It's important. +I just want to see the basketball scores. It's important. Mmmnkay. +Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. You were having a nightmare. +What'd you dream about? Nothing. +Nothing. Come on, what was it? +Come on, what was it? Nothing. It was just a dream. +Hey there. Hi. +Are you going out with Jeffrey tonight? Jealous? +Hey, baby, how ya doing? You look beat. I do? I guess I do. +I do? I guess I do. Where were you last night? I called your house like four times. +Where were you last night? I called your house like four times. I went to sleep. I think I have the flu or something. +I can't get sick. You know -- training and all. I'm gonna be late. 'Bye. +I can take care of myself, Jeffrey. So I noticed. +So that's your tutor, huh? What is he, like, your boyfriend now? Jeffrey. Projectile vomit. +Buffy, what are you doing here? I thought we were meeting here. +I thought we were meeting here. I'm here with Jenny. +I don't understand. Oh, come on, Buffy. You know what's going on. It's not working out at all. I've got to move on. I mean, I've got needs, too. I told you about all this. +Oh, come on, Buffy. You know what's going on. It's not working out at all. I've got to move on. I mean, I've got needs, too. I told you about all this. No, you didn't. When? +No, you didn't. When? Didn't you get my message? +Didn't you get my message? You broke up with my machine? +You broke up with my machine? You weren't home. Like always. +You weren't home. Like always. You left me a message? +You left me a message? I'm out of here. Jenny. +Ah, my fool is dead. He was careless, always. Still, I'll pull out your tongue for that. Don't you understand? I've killed you a dozen times. Your life is not a blink of my eye, not a single breath. I have lived in the shadows, in the pulsing filth behind men's eyes. A thousand years, and more. I have conversed with the worms that fed on my corpse and I have bathed in the blood of emperors. Have you ever thrown up in the front row of a Richard Marx concert? +Have you ever thrown up in the front row of a Richard Marx concert? What? +You're even weaker than the others. I think you've forgotten something. +This? This is you only weapon? Your puny faith? No... +I am a God! A God! I am so sure. +Will you guys shut up, please? It could happen. +Can we have a hot dog, please, medium rare, and a cup of joe? You guys are thrashed. +Yeah, we're drunk. We're the Drunks. What's your name? Buffy. +Hi. Hi there. +Hi there. Is that your car? +Is that your car? It was. I think it's pretty much ready for the -- +How are you doing? Oh, I'm good. I'm good. Kind of miss my knees, though. +Oh, I'm good. I'm good. Kind of miss my knees, though. You want some water or something? +You want some water or something? Water. Okay. +Do you do this kind of thing a lot? I mean, is this like a hobby? Not exactly. +Not exactly. They were vampires, weren't they? +They were vampires, weren't they? Yeah. +Yeah. God! Unbelievable. Vampires. +You had a car full of stuff. Were you leaving? Yeah, I was bailing. I have a friend, and he's really... well, he's really vampire, I guess. Bad scene. +Yeah, I was bailing. I have a friend, and he's really... well, he's really vampire, I guess. Bad scene. Well, stay here tonight. +Well, stay here tonight. Thanks. Tomorrow morning, I'm on a bus. I'm gone. +Thanks. Tomorrow morning, I'm on a bus. I'm gone. Where are you gonna go? +Where are you gonna go? Well, I've always wanted to see Oxnard. +Hey, jeez are you okay? You need a hand? It's nothing. It doesn't hurt. +Things are kind of confusing. I'll back that up. +I'll back that up. Three weeks ago all I thought about was... well, I didn't actually think about anything. I definitely didn't expect this. +Three weeks ago all I thought about was... well, I didn't actually think about anything. I definitely didn't expect this. I know. My guidance counselor never mentioned anything about vampires. 'Prison' came up a few times, but nothing about undead. +I know. My guidance counselor never mentioned anything about vampires. 'Prison' came up a few times, but nothing about undead. It's weird. I went back to my old grade school once, to the playground -- I used to hang out there all the time, playing on the swings and stuff... I went back and it was so tiny, the whole place. I couldn't even fit on the swings. Everything just looked so small. I'm sorry. I'm babbling. +It's weird. I went back to my old grade school once, to the playground -- I used to hang out there all the time, playing on the swings and stuff... I went back and it was so tiny, the whole place. I couldn't even fit on the swings. Everything just looked so small. I'm sorry. I'm babbling. No, you're not. +I'm kinda beat. You can stay in my mom's room if you want. I think I'll just hang out here. Make sure the sun comes up and everything. +I think I'll just hang out here. Make sure the sun comes up and everything. You sure? +You sure? Oh, I'll be fine. Got my chair, got my window, I'm great. +Oh, I'll be fine. Got my chair, got my window, I'm great. Mmkay. +Hey, Buffy... Yeah? +Yeah? You know, you saved my life. And I just wanted to say... I forgive you for talking during the movie. Almost. +I didn't expect to see you. I know. +I know. Why'd you come back? +Why'd you come back? I don't know. I kind of thought I ought to be here. You know, this isn't exactly the kind of thing you can run away from. +I don't know. I kind of thought I ought to be here. You know, this isn't exactly the kind of thing you can run away from. Thanks. +Thanks. Besides, Oxnard sucks. +Pike, I don't think you're up to this. I think I could help. You gonna tell me you don't need help? +Buffy? What's wrong? Oh, God. It's him. I think it's him. +Oh, God. It's him. I think it's him. Who? +Who? Merrick... +I been working on some stuff for you. What'cha doing? I'm going shopping. Don't try to stop me. +I'm going shopping. Don't try to stop me. Cool. I could actually use a couple of Allen wrenches. What do you need? +Cool. I could actually use a couple of Allen wrenches. What do you need? A dress. +A dress. Dress, huh? What for? +Dress, huh? What for? For the dance. +For the dance. Come again? +Come again? I'm going to the senior dance. +I'm going to the senior dance. Second word... sound like 'dance'. +I'm going to the dance. What for? +What for? In order to dance and to drink punch and to be with my friends. Comprende? +In order to dance and to drink punch and to be with my friends. Comprende? I don't believe this. The world's under attack by the legions of the undead and you're going to a mixer? +I don't believe this. The world's under attack by the legions of the undead and you're going to a mixer? It's not a mixer. It's the senior dance. And it's important. You wouldn't understand. +It's not a mixer. It's the senior dance. And it's important. You wouldn't understand. You got that right. I thought you wanted to kill vampires. +You got that right. I thought you wanted to kill vampires. I don't want to kill anybody, and I don't want to talk about it anymore. +I don't want to kill anybody, and I don't want to talk about it anymore. Listen, I know you're bummed about your friend, and I'm really sorry... +Listen, I know you're bummed about your friend, and I'm really sorry... He did what he was supposed to. +He did what he was supposed to. But, Buffy, you're the guy, the chosen guy. +But, Buffy, you're the guy, the chosen guy. Right. I'm the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping. +Right. I'm the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping. I should have known. +Leave me alone. Benny was right. You guys are all exactly the same. +I crashed your party. Pretty shallow of you. +Pretty shallow of you. That's me. +That's me. I'm glad you came. +I'm glad you came. Yeah, you look like you're having a swell time. +Will I get the shit kicked out of me if I ask you to dance? I don't actually think Jeffrey's gonna notice. +I'm going out the front. Are you nuts, Buffy? There's a hundred of them out there. They'll rip us apart. +Are you nuts, Buffy? There's a hundred of them out there. They'll rip us apart. You're staying here. Some of them might not come after me. If they don't this place is gonna turn into a total stain. +You're staying here. Some of them might not come after me. If they don't this place is gonna turn into a total stain. You say that like it's a bad thing. +Good thing one of us was prepared. Buffy, there's no way you're going out there alone. +Are you okay? Get away from me! +I didn't say it was a bad idea, I just said the timing was off. We could maybe wait till later. Don't be such a fraidy-cat. +Don't be such a fraidy-cat. Who's afraid? Besides me, I mean. +Who's afraid? Besides me, I mean. We've come all this way. We just have to check it out. I got a hunch. +We've come all this way. We just have to check it out. I got a hunch. You're the boss, boss. I just thought maybe we should wait. +It has to be, like a socially conscious theme. 'One that reflects the students' growing awareness of and involvement in the world around them.' +It is a pretty crucial subject. See, Cassandra likes it. Cassandra's my friend. +Bugs. Okay, guys, how about the ozone layer? +Can't. History report. The Normans and the Saxons. Bogutude. Blow it off. +Bogutude. Blow it off. I really can't. Besides, it's pretty interesting. +I really can't. Besides, it's pretty interesting. You're weird and I'm afraid of you. Seriously, Cassandra, there's a lot cooler things you could be doing than your homework. +You're weird and I'm afraid of you. Seriously, Cassandra, there's a lot cooler things you could be doing than your homework. Like what? +Like what? Like my homework. +Guys, what's the sitch? I'm bored. ) What do you think? +) What do you think? Please. It's so '91. +What are we doing? Why don't we see a movie? +Why don't we see a movie? Well, where? +Beverly Center. Please. They show previews for foreign movies. +Totally stale. And the ushers are like, the acne patrol. We're thinking Pavilion. Sitch? Sounds toasty. We're going Pavilion. +Excuse much! Not rude or anything. Nice ensemble! +What did Jeffrey's dad say? 'Just remember you're in training, son' +Let's meet tonight, okay? Where? +Where? Cafe Blase. +I don't see why we have to invite everyone. Kimberly, it's the senior dance. +I didn't learn... I just... it's not a big deal. Buffy, I'm gonna tell Jeffrey you were playing with another man's Hebrew National. +Buffy, I'm gonna tell Jeffrey you were playing with another man's Hebrew National. Get a boob job. +You were supposed to be here at three. I forgot. +I forgot. Buffy, what is your sitch? You're acting like The Thing From Another Tax-Bracket; it's too weird. +Buffy, what is your sitch? You're acting like The Thing From Another Tax-Bracket; it's too weird. Look, a lot's been going on. That's what I wanted to tell you guys about. I need to tell you. You see... a while ago, I met this guy -- +Look, a lot's been going on. That's what I wanted to tell you guys about. I need to tell you. You see... a while ago, I met this guy -- Oh my God you're having an affair. +Excuse me for having something important to do. This isn't important? The earth is our home. +This isn't important? The earth is our home. Kimberly, it's a dance. It's a stupid dance with a bunch of stupid kids that I see every stupid day. +Listen to you. What language are you speaking? Get out of my facial. +I'm glad you guys are here. It's good to see you. Yeah, whoops I came. +Yeah, whoops I came. You look way pretty, Kim. +You look way pretty, Kim. I know. I like your little outfit. +God, where the hell did you come from? You scared me to death. I'm sorry. That was impressive. The... tumbling. +What? Oh. I used to do gymnastics. Are you looking for someone? I'm looking for you, actually. +I'm looking for you, actually. Am I in trouble or something? +Am I in trouble or something? Not at all. My name is Merrick. I was sent to find you some time ago. I should have found you much sooner but there were... complications. You should have been taught, prepared. +Not at all. My name is Merrick. I was sent to find you some time ago. I should have found you much sooner but there were... complications. You should have been taught, prepared. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I've searched the entire world for you, Buffy. +I've searched the entire world for you, Buffy. Why? +Why? To bring you... your birthright. +To bring you... your birthright. My birthright? You mean, like a trust fund? +I had a trust fund my great- grandfather, or maybe it was an inheritance, 'cause he's dead, and I spent it on shoes. You must come with me. It's much too late already. You must come with me to the graveyard. +You must come with me. It's much too late already. You must come with me to the graveyard. Wait a minute. My birthright is in the graveyard? Later not. +Wait a minute. My birthright is in the graveyard? Later not. Wait! +Wait! You're one of those skanky old men that, like, attack girls and stuff. Forget you. My, um, my boyfriend is gonna be here in about thirty seconds, and he's way testy. +You're one of those skanky old men that, like, attack girls and stuff. Forget you. My, um, my boyfriend is gonna be here in about thirty seconds, and he's way testy. You don't understand. You have been chosen. +You don't understand. You have been chosen. Chosen to go to the graveyard? Why don't you just take the first runner up, okay? +Chosen to go to the graveyard? Why don't you just take the first runner up, okay? You must believe me. You must come with me while there's still time. +You must believe me. You must come with me while there's still time. Time to do what? +Time to do what? To stop the killing. To stop the vampires. +To stop the killing. To stop the vampires. Let me get this straight. You're like, this greasy bum, and I have to go to the graveyard with you 'cause I'm chosen, and there's vampires. +Let me get this straight. You're like, this greasy bum, and I have to go to the graveyard with you 'cause I'm chosen, and there's vampires. Yes. +Yes. Does Elvis talk to you? Tell you to do things? Do you see spots? +Does Elvis talk to you? Tell you to do things? Do you see spots? I don't have time for your prattling. I have proof. You bear the mark. +Just stay away from me, okay? Did you ever dream that you were someone else? +Everybody does. In the past. A girl. Maybe... A Magyar peasant. An Indian princess. A slave. +I was a slave. In Virginia. +In Virginia. I don't know. It was... There was a big gram or something. And there's one, I'm like a prostitute... +I don't know. It was... There was a big gram or something. And there's one, I'm like a prostitute... China. +China. Oh, my God. I never told anybody about this. I remember the one about the peasant, too. God, there's a bunch. Is this, like channeling or something. +I had a dream once where I was... There was like, knights in it, and I worked in this bar. And I... was fighting. I'm always fighting. And there's a guy... He's not always there, but he's horrible, all white, and he's always... trying to kill me. Lothos. +How do you know all this? I have to show you. +I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm in a graveyard with a strange man hunting for vampires on a school night. Why didn't you ever tell anybody about your dreams? +Why didn't you ever tell anybody about your dreams? Oh, yeah, tell everyone I'm crazy. Beauty ida. +Ow. Cramps? +Cramps? None of your business. God. +None of your business. God. This is it. +Wait a minute. Just for protection. You won't have to do anything. I just need you to watch. +Just for protection. You won't have to do anything. I just need you to watch. All right. What do we do now? +All right. What do we do now? We wait for Robert to wake up. +Where's the other one? She -- +Go to school tomorrow. Try to act normal. Don't let anyone know what's happening. This is important. When the vampires find out who you are... you won't be hunting them anymore. All right. +Meet me at this address after school. I have cheerleading squad. +I have cheerleading squad. Skip it. +They can't come in, right? Unless you invite them. Is that true? It's true. +It's not pretty, but it does suit our purposes. Our purposes. +What, um... What do we do? There's a great deal I have to show you, I'm not even sure where to start There's so little time. +There's a great deal I have to show you, I'm not even sure where to start There's so little time. Why do you keep saying that? +Why do you keep saying that? Do you know what a Vampire-King is? +Do you know what a Vampire-King is? A Vampire-King? You mean like Dracula? +A Vampire-King? You mean like Dracula? Oh, yes. And the man from your dreams. Lothos. +Oh, yes. And the man from your dreams. Lothos. Oh, him. +Oh, him. Yes. They travel about, usually with one or two of their followers to lay the groundwork. The vampires find a community and they feed on it, make it their own. You were difficult to trace, and I think the process has gone a lot further than I'd anticipated. Usually this goads a community into some kind of paranoid frenzy. But for some reason, nobody here seems to be paying any attention. +Yes. They travel about, usually with one or two of their followers to lay the groundwork. The vampires find a community and they feed on it, make it their own. You were difficult to trace, and I think the process has gone a lot further than I'd anticipated. Usually this goads a community into some kind of paranoid frenzy. But for some reason, nobody here seems to be paying any attention. What? +What? We'll cover it later. +We'll cover it later. I still don't get how they happened to come to my town. I mean, was I born here because... because they were coming here? That Lothos guy, and his buddies? +I still don't get how they happened to come to my town. I mean, was I born here because... because they were coming here? That Lothos guy, and his buddies? In a way, yes. Your fate is inexorably connected to them. +In a way, yes. Your fate is inexorably connected to them. Great. First I have a birthright, now I've got a fate. Hey, do I have to take notes on this? +Great. First I have a birthright, now I've got a fate. Hey, do I have to take notes on this? We're going to have the work hard. You'll need some excuse for staying out. For your parents. +Not a pressing issue. I tell you, the best thing I can do right now is find out more about you. What your strengths are, your likes... Everything. What's your best subject? +I tell you, the best thing I can do right now is find out more about you. What your strengths are, your likes... Everything. What's your best subject? Uh... gym. +Uh... gym. Yes, you used to do gymnastics. But you stopped. Why? +Yes, you used to do gymnastics. But you stopped. Why? Well, everybody says... it's just kind of dorky. I mean, have you ever seen a gymnast's legs? They're like -- -- the mighty oak. It's not a look. +Well, everybody says... it's just kind of dorky. I mean, have you ever seen a gymnast's legs? They're like -- -- the mighty oak. It's not a look. But you enjoyed it, yes? +But you enjoyed it, yes? Well... I do cheerleading now. It's way cooler. +Well... I do cheerleading now. It's way cooler. Cheerleading. For... sporting events, yes? +Cheerleading. For... sporting events, yes? Sporting events, yeah. +Sporting events, yeah. All right. Why don't you show me a cheer? +All right. Why don't you show me a cheer? Here? +Here? Yes, yes. It would be interesting. A nice cheer. +Yes, yes. It would be interesting. A nice cheer. Okay. +Who we gonna beat? Who we gonna beat? +Who we gonna beat? No -- you don't have to -- +No -- you don't have to -- Oh. I thought... you lead me -- +Oh. I thought... you lead me -- No. You don't do anything. I do it. +No. You don't do anything. I do it. Oh. Good. +Oh, what the hell is wrong with you? You threw a knife at my head! I had to test you. +I had to test you. But you threw a knife at my head! +But you threw a knife at my head! And you caught it! Only the chosen one could have done that. +And you caught it! Only the chosen one could have done that. I don't want to be the chosen one, okay? I don't want to spend the rest of my life chasing after vampires! I just want to graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Charlie Sheen and die. It may not sound too exciting to a sconehead like you, but I think it's swell. And then you come along... and... and then I'm a member of the hairy mole club, so you throw things at me! +It was necessary. Last night. You knew I was sitting on a fresh grave, didn't you? +Last night. You knew I was sitting on a fresh grave, didn't you? I don't think you understand the full implications of -- +Oh. Sorry. Don't you see what's happening? You're changing. You've got powers you've only just begun to tap. Physical, mental prowess you've never dreamed of. God, this hurts. I've administered a few shocks to your system to start the adrenaline working. I'm sorry I have to take so many shortcuts in the training process. +Don't you see what's happening? You're changing. You've got powers you've only just begun to tap. Physical, mental prowess you've never dreamed of. God, this hurts. I've administered a few shocks to your system to start the adrenaline working. I'm sorry I have to take so many shortcuts in the training process. Put your head back. +Put your head back. Two days ago, would you have even hit me? Let alone so powerfully? +Two days ago, would you have even hit me? Let alone so powerfully? No... I guess I would have gotten Jeffrey to hit you. +No... I guess I would have gotten Jeffrey to hit you. Exactly. You're changing. You're becoming something extraordinarily powerful. +Ooh, another embarrassment for the teabag, while the chosen one is still well under par. Your turn. +What about bats? Do they turn into bats? No. No bats, no flying. They... float, occasionally. Not really flying. +No. No bats, no flying. They... float, occasionally. Not really flying. Toasty. Were there ever any, like, famous vampires? +Toasty. Were there ever any, like, famous vampires? Oh, several. Lucretia Borgia, Joseph Mengele, Franklin Pangborn... are any of those names familiar? +Oh, several. Lucretia Borgia, Joseph Mengele, Franklin Pangborn... are any of those names familiar? If I say 'no' does that make me a bad person? +If I say 'no' does that make me a bad person? Good Lord. What do you study in history? +Good Lord. What do you study in history? My nails. +All right. You've heard of the emperor Caligula, perhaps? Or Jack the Ripper? They were vampires? +They were vampires? Same one. +Same one. Oh. +What!?! Try to pay attention. +He was slow. Very simple. They won't all be that easy. Fine. +Fine. And the alley was a mistake. Never corner yourself like that. If they'd come at you in force you'd be dead now. One vampire is a lot easier to kill then ten. +And the alley was a mistake. Never corner yourself like that. If they'd come at you in force you'd be dead now. One vampire is a lot easier to kill then ten. Does the world 'Duhh' mean anything to you? +Does the world 'Duhh' mean anything to you? You felt a little sick, didn't you? The cramps. +Nice conversationalist! Yeah, I felt 'em a little, but I ain't due for two weeks since you're so excited about the subject. It's natural. A reaction to their presence, to the... unnaturalness of it. It's part of how you are able to track them. +It's natural. A reaction to their presence, to the... unnaturalness of it. It's part of how you are able to track them. Oh, wonderful. My secret weapon is - PMS. That's just great. Thanks for telling me. +Oh, wonderful. My secret weapon is - PMS. That's just great. Thanks for telling me. You'll get used to it. I'm more worried about your tactical mistakes. +You'll get used to it. I'm more worried about your tactical mistakes. You are such a wet. +You are such a wet. A what? +A what? A wet! Didn't I just kill that vampire? I think I did. I didn't see you killing any vampires. You were too busy playing 'Beat the Clock'. +A wet! Didn't I just kill that vampire? I think I did. I didn't see you killing any vampires. You were too busy playing 'Beat the Clock'. Don't start with me again. +Don't start with me again. Aren't I, like the chosen one? The one and only? The Grand High Poobah and doesn't that mean you have to be nice to me? Like, ever? +Aren't I, like the chosen one? The one and only? The Grand High Poobah and doesn't that mean you have to be nice to me? Like, ever? Buffy... +Buffy... And why are you always wearing black? It's so down. It's totally not your color. I don't think you have a color. +And why are you always wearing black? It's so down. It's totally not your color. I don't think you have a color. What do you want? Encouragement? 'Gosh, Buffy, you're so special, I just want to give you a great big hug, oh I'm just having a warm fuzzy.' +What do you want? Encouragement? 'Gosh, Buffy, you're so special, I just want to give you a great big hug, oh I'm just having a warm fuzzy.' Oh, fuck you! +Do you know how many girls I've trained to be Slayers? Five. Five properly prepared girls, girls who faced their responsibilities, who worked hard to become women overnight -- harder than you've ever worked in your life -- and I saw them ripped apart. Do you want to live? Do you? I... +I... What did you think, that being able to jump about and hit people makes you a Slayer? +Five? Five. +Five. So, basically, I've got the life expectancy of a zit, right? +So, basically, I've got the life expectancy of a zit, right? Not if you're careful. +Not if you're careful. How can you keep doing this? +How can you keep doing this? It's what I was raised to do. There aren't many of us left, the Watchers. +It's what I was raised to do. There aren't many of us left, the Watchers. Watchers? +Watchers? There's a small village in Hampshire, near Stonehenge... ... near a bunch of big rocks. That's where I was born. My father taught me about the training, about finding the Slayers, reading the signs. There's a small cluster of us, a few families, really... most of the neighboring villagers think we're just a bunch of harmless old loonies. I thought so myself for a time, when I was younger... I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to... I shouldn't go on like this. +There's a small village in Hampshire, near Stonehenge... ... near a bunch of big rocks. That's where I was born. My father taught me about the training, about finding the Slayers, reading the signs. There's a small cluster of us, a few families, really... most of the neighboring villagers think we're just a bunch of harmless old loonies. I thought so myself for a time, when I was younger... I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to... I shouldn't go on like this. I wish you would. +I wish you would. It isn't important. +It isn't important. I'm curious, is all. +I'm curious, is all. Buffy, don't... don't start thinking of me as your friend. It interferes with the work, and it... +Buffy, don't... don't start thinking of me as your friend. It interferes with the work, and it... And it makes it worse when I die, right? +Well, you know, I'm not gonna kick so easy. I've got a few things the other girls didn't have. As for example, what? +As for example, what? Well... there's my keen fashion sense, for one. +Well... there's my keen fashion sense, for one. Vampires of the world, beware. +Vampires of the world, beware. Merrick. You made a joke. Are you okay, I mean, do you want to lie down? I know it hurts the first time. +I mean, most of the time Jeffrey's really sweet, but sometimes he gets kind of... 'Me-Tarzan'ish, you know what I mean? Lately it bugs me, I guess. Merrick? Are you still breathing? I can't work this. +I can't work this. We call them zippers. They're not supposed to be a challenge. +We call them zippers. They're not supposed to be a challenge. But it's in the back. Why are we wasting time with this, anyway? +But it's in the back. Why are we wasting time with this, anyway? Because you clash, Merrick. You clash with everything. I mean you might as well go around with a sign, 'Slayers trained her.' Honestly, you look like something out of... Pasadena. +Because you clash, Merrick. You clash with everything. I mean you might as well go around with a sign, 'Slayers trained her.' Honestly, you look like something out of... Pasadena. My clothes have always been perfectly serviceable. +My clothes have always been perfectly serviceable. Well, you're on my turf now. You're just gonna have to trust me. +I want to die. Okay. The important thing is not to panic. +Interesting. I kind of had to improvise. Sorry about your guitar. +There isn't time. Make time, okay? You're the one who told me to act normal. I've missed three practices already. If I'm not there for the Barber game tomorrow everyone's gonna talk. +Make time, okay? You're the one who told me to act normal. I've missed three practices already. If I'm not there for the Barber game tomorrow everyone's gonna talk. Another distraction. It's not right. +Another distraction. It's not right. Why because it's not my fate? It's not in the Book-of-All- Knowledgefullness that I'm gonna be cheerleading at the Barber game? +Why because it's not my fate? It's not in the Book-of-All- Knowledgefullness that I'm gonna be cheerleading at the Barber game? Sooner or later you're going to have to accept it. Your fate. +Sooner or later you're going to have to accept it. Your fate. I'm pretty much learning not to accept anything anymore. Come on, Merrick. Football. Afterwards we can kill and kill until there is nothing left. +I'm pretty much learning not to accept anything anymore. Come on, Merrick. Football. Afterwards we can kill and kill until there is nothing left. All right. +All right. Toasty. You should come; it's gonna be a great game. +Toasty. You should come; it's gonna be a great game. Oh, I'll be there all right. I'm not letting you out of my sight. Not till you're ready. +Oh, I'll be there all right. I'm not letting you out of my sight. Not till you're ready. Try and be inconspicuous, okay? Act like a fan. +Try and be inconspicuous, okay? Act like a fan. Football is my life. +Football is my life. You're learning. Slowly, incredibly slowly, but you're learning. +None of the other girls ever gave me this much trouble. And where are they now? +Wait! He knows who I am! +Mr. Howard is so heinous. He's always giving me a hard time. I get a C-plus on the test and he tells me, 'You have no sense of history.' I have no sense of history? He wears a brown tie. You got a C-plus? I can't believe I cheated off you. +You got a C-plus? I can't believe I cheated off you. Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador. Like I'm ever going to Spain anyway. Ooh! +No THX. They don't even have Dolby. +So, is Jeffrey really spending the night at your house? That's the plan. +That's the plan. Good enough! +Cool. We can figure decorations and stuff. Cassandra, you gotta come, too. +Come one, that was so weird. What, it's not weird. I just cut the stupid hot dog in half. +-- like she's gonna kill me. I was just scared is all. +I was just scared is all. No. It was mondo bizarro. +That is so cool. Thank you very much. +Thank you very much. Nobody is even gonna look at the game. +I don't get it. How do you not tread on the earth? I mean, you kind of have to. +You guys blow. I'm waiting on Cassandra. She's gonna help me with my history. Cassandra's really smart. +Cassandra's really smart. Yeah... She's okay, though. +Yeah... She's okay, though. I guess. +Don't worry, Jennifer. Someday your prince will come. Yeah, just make sure you do first. Let's go, guys. +Yeah, just make sure you do first. Let's go, guys. B'bye. +Hey, Buffers. You look thrashed. Thanks. +Thanks. You and Cassandra get anything done last night? +Buffy, Jesus! You know these steps. Sorry. +Pike. You're having a fling with him? +Well, I guess you got what you came for. Nicole... +Nicole... Later for it. +Hi, guys. Hi. +Hi. Have you guys seen Jeffrey? The limo never showed, I thought he might be here. +I haven't seen him tonight. Oh. +I find it restorative, sleeping in the life-blood of so many. To feel their souls coursing about me. What's happening? What do you want? +What's happening? What do you want? So very much. +So very much. My parents have money... +My parents have money... Yes, I'm sure they do. This place is everything you said it was, Amilyn. +What... are you? Are we so strange? So alien to you? I've seen this culture, the wealth, the greed, the waste... it's truly heartwarming. The perfect place to spread my empire. Honestly, Eastern Europe was so dead, the Communists just drained the blood out of the place. It's livened up a bit in the past few years, but it's nothing compared to this.... this Mecca of consumption. The city of Angels. +No, wait. I can be dumb. Really. Or mean, or whatever. I can learn. I'm useful. Really? +Really? Swear to God. +I can't! You know you must. There is only one. Now you are that one. It is time. +You know you must. There is only one. Now you are that one. It is time. Why? Why me? +Why? Why me? She has died. You are the next to be called. Why do you think you were sent to me? Trained as you were? You bear the mark. +The mark of the Coven. I don't understand. +I don't understand. Ever since Adam and Eve first left the garden, he followed: the serpent. Satan. He sends his legion in the shape of men, to feed on us, to breed his Hell on our earth. They are a plague upon us. +But as long as there have been vampire, there has been the Coven; the line of Slayers. Ones with the strength and the skill to kill them, to find them where they gather and stop the swell of their numbers. One dies, the next is called. I'm just a girl. +I'm just a girl. You are much more. +Bessel! What are you doing here? Hi, Grueller. +Hi, Grueller. What are you grinning at? You think I was scared? +What are you grinning at? You think I was scared? Could be. +Could be. You think so? +You think so? Could be. +Listen, you little worm. I could beat your head to a pulp for you, just like I did last year, you got that? You got that? Got that. +Got that. Good. +Write that down. Okay, what else? +Oh, yes! Yes! Oh, baby! +Oh, baby! Make me a woman! Yes! Make me a woman! +Buffy? Jeffrey! +Well, I'm done. Are you done? No -- +No -- Okay, let's go. +Okay, let's go. But -- +She didn't even hardly talk to anyone in school. All year. She didn't even go to the prom. I heard she got straight A's. +I can't believe they still ate it. Where'd you learn how to do that? +So they found Cassandra's body out by the railway tunnels. Nobody's saying anything, but they think she was involved in something, like, illegal or something. Like dealing. Well, I hope so. +Well, I hope so. Probably was. What do you suppose she was doing out there. +I got all the plastic stuff. What should I do with it? Throw it out. +And Spring Fling. Okay. +She was even crazier after that. I mean it, you wouldn't even have recognized her. Buffy? +Omniplex? Nee sitch. No way. +What happened? Buffy was on the uneven parallels -- she was really good; coach said she could have been in the Olympics -- but she was doing a routine, spinning, and the beam broke. +Buffy was on the uneven parallels -- she was really good; coach said she could have been in the Olympics -- but she was doing a routine, spinning, and the beam broke. You're kidding. +You're kidding. Snapped. Buffy was, you know, on the upswing, and I swear to God she went across the room. Perm over heels. +Snapped. Buffy was, you know, on the upswing, and I swear to God she went across the room. Perm over heels. Oh, my God! Ouch! No wonder you quit. +Oh, my God! Ouch! No wonder you quit. Well, that's the thing. She landed on her feet. Didn't even sprain a toe. And I go up to her and she turns and looks at me and she's like this -- +I never thought of that. I gotta bail. You coming? +Buffy! What is she... +Cool! Does Jeffrey know? +The don't. You kind of wish they would, though. Wit-tay. +Wit-tay. I'm sorry. I'm Pike. This is Benny. +I'm sorry. I'm Pike. This is Benny. Pike isn't a name. It's a fish. +Pike isn't a name. It's a fish. Hey, wait a minute... +They'll kill us! You want some punch? +Oh, God. He is so bald. +God! Take a chill lozenge. Like we don't have rights too? +The homelesses? Oh, please. +Environment. That's cool with me. Okay. +Oh, yeah! Right! +If we don't invite all the seniors we can't use the school funds, you know that. Can't they make exceptions? Maryanne Heinel? She's such a scud. Can't we have a Maryanne clause? +Can't they make exceptions? Maryanne Heinel? She's such a scud. Can't we have a Maryanne clause? Well, look who's here. +Smell of booze much. Nice much. +Buffy, the ape-woman. Seriously, Buffy. That look was way twisted. What were you thinking about? +I really was way way too too. Oh, please! When she ran onto the field in the middle of the game? Was that the most out-of-it thing ever, or did I blink? +Oh, please! When she ran onto the field in the middle of the game? Was that the most out-of-it thing ever, or did I blink? I'm, like, yelling at her, 'What are you doing?' And she's going 'Jeffrey, Jeffrey!' Way mental. +What are you talking about? Weird? You mean like you hanging out with that homeless, Poke? I saw you last night after the game. +Oh, thank you very much. Like you've got a grip. +Like you've got a grip. You're so out of it. You've blown off cheerleading, you've blown off dance committee -- +So, we're stupid now? You know, just because you're having full-on wiggans doesn't mean you have to drag us into it. This isn't just any dance. It happens ot be the last dance of our last year. +You know, just because you're having full-on wiggans doesn't mean you have to drag us into it. This isn't just any dance. It happens ot be the last dance of our last year. Except for Prom. +Except for Prom. Right. +And the January Semi-formal -- Okay! Look, Buffy. You want to play house with the unwashed masses, that's fine. But personally, I think you ought to spend a little time prioritizing. I really do. +It's amazing what you can do with a parachute and some starch. As long as there's room for three in it. What, didn't you bring your new friends? +What nasty bug crawled up your bungus and where the hell are you going? I'm leaving, man. I'm bailing town. This place has gotten way too hairy. +I'm leaving, man. I'm bailing town. This place has gotten way too hairy. Where am I gonna find another mechanic stupid enough to work for my money? +Where am I gonna find another mechanic stupid enough to work for my money? Hey, have you seen Benny lately? +Hey, have you seen Benny lately? No... You want me to give him a message? +No... You want me to give him a message? You should think about leaving, too, man. Sell this place... Something's going on here. I don't know. Something real weird. +Ah, you'll be coming back. I don't think so. +I don't think so. All right. Take care of yourself. +All right. Take care of yourself. I am. +I am. Hey. What should I do if I see Benny? +Hey. What should I do if I see Benny? Run. +"You mean Nuke. You said ""Crash""." "I didn't say ""Crash"". I said Nuke." +"I didn't say ""Crash"". I said Nuke." "You said ""Crash""." +"You said ""Crash""." Honey, don't ever listen to a woman when she's making love. They'll say the strangest things. +Honey, don't ever listen to a woman when she's making love. They'll say the strangest things. "You said ""Crash""." +"You said ""Crash""." Would you rather me be making love to him, using your name, or making love to you, using his name? +Yeah maybe you're right. You see how nice things are when we go slow? +Mmm, hmmm. You shoulda seen how many people came to the airport to see me off. When I got drafted first it was the happiest day of my Father's life. He likes baseball more than I do... You can learn to like it. +You can learn to like it. I wanted to be the host of Dance Fever, somethin' like that... +I wanted to be the host of Dance Fever, somethin' like that... Y'know if you make it to the Bigs you could still become the host of Dance Fever. Baseball's a good stepping stone for things like that. +Y'know if you make it to the Bigs you could still become the host of Dance Fever. Baseball's a good stepping stone for things like that. God, I never thought of that. +God, I never thought of that. There is a lot of things you never thought of, sweetie--now get some rest for tonight's game. +I want you to wear these on the road trip when you pitch. What? +What? They'll fit snugly against your balls in such a wonderful way that you'll start seeing things differently--plus they'll remind you of me which is better than thinking about those nasty hitters. +They'll fit snugly against your balls in such a wonderful way that you'll start seeing things differently--plus they'll remind you of me which is better than thinking about those nasty hitters. Jesus, Annie, I don't know-- +Jesus, Annie, I don't know-- You've been pitching out of the wrong side of your brain. These'll help move things to the right side. +You've been pitching out of the wrong side of your brain. These'll help move things to the right side. Big League pitchers don't use these. +Big League pitchers don't use these. They did when they were in the Carolina League. +God I'm tired. What a trip I was lousy. I was worse than lousy. Everytime I pitched--it was like throwing gasoline on a fire. Kaboom. I-- "What is this ""I, I, I"" stuff? You only talk about yourself? Aren't you glad to see me? Don't I look nice?" +"What is this ""I, I, I"" stuff? You only talk about yourself? Aren't you glad to see me? Don't I look nice?" Sorry. You look great. I'm totally exhausted. +Sorry. You look great. I'm totally exhausted. Good. Total exhaustion can be spiritually fabulous. Let's play catch. +Good. Total exhaustion can be spiritually fabulous. Let's play catch. Catch? +This in ridiculous. I'm a pro. Just do what I say. Now, which nostril are you breathing through? +Just do what I say. Now, which nostril are you breathing through? Which nostril am I breathing through? +The right nostril. Good. My right nostril? +My right nostril? "There are two important psychic conduits called the ""pingala"" and the ""ida"". The pingala starts with the left testicle and ends at the right nostril." +The ida originates at the right testicle and terminates at the left nostril. "I'm really beat. I need some serious ""z's""--" +"I'm really beat. I need some serious ""z's""--" The pingala is the nostril used for throwing a baseball. And if you discover before a game you're in the wrong nostril, it's easy to switch. +The pingala is the nostril used for throwing a baseball. And if you discover before a game you're in the wrong nostril, it's easy to switch. Switch nostrils? +Switch nostrils? Right. Okay, fire a couple in there. +You're patronizing me! I will not be patronized-- If I throw too hard I'll hurt the kid. +If I throw too hard I'll hurt the kid. He's handled a lotta pitchers whose records were better than one and six. +How was that? A little better. +A little better. Gimme the God damn ball! +How ya like that? Much better. Your delivery was fully integrated because you weren't thinking about it 'cause you were pissed off at me. This is progress. +I can't keep up with you. First you say sex is gonna make me a better pitcher--now no sex is gonna do it?! It's all the same thing. +God...I think I'm gonna be sick-- Oh don't be silly. Death is nothing to be scared of. It's just another way of living. It's just a fresh start--kinda like spring training. +Death is like spring training? Yes. And so is birth. Now look me in the eyes, Nuke-- You haven't been wearing my panties, have you? +I'm yours. Y'know, Annie, I been thinking if it works for one game, maybe it'll work for a whole buncha games. +Y'know, Annie, I been thinking if it works for one game, maybe it'll work for a whole buncha games. Breathing through your pingala always works, honey-- +Breathing through your pingala always works, honey-- Not that. I mean the re-channeling of my sexual energy. Maybe we shouldn't make love for awhile. +Not that. I mean the re-channeling of my sexual energy. Maybe we shouldn't make love for awhile. Now don't go overboard, I look incredibly hot, right? +You know what it feels like to throw a three hitter? We better not fuck. Nuke?! +Nuke?! Just till I lose. +Just till I lose. Get over here. +Get over here. No. +No. "Ebby Calvin ""Nuke"" LaLoosh--" +I'm so proud of you and all the guys. Want some more soup? No, no, it was great. +No, no, it was great. How 'bout a back rub? +How 'bout a back rub? No, that's okay. All I need's a little nap. +No, that's okay. All I need's a little nap. I'll tuck you in. +I'll tuck you in. You can't seduce me. +You can't seduce me. I'm not gonna try to seduce you, sweetie... +That's my leg. I know what it is. +I know what it is. I figure we could work on some fundamentals even if we don't make love. +Fundamentals? Sure. Unsnap my stockings. +"Crash once called a woman's, uh-- pussy--y'know how the hair kinda makes a ""V"" shape?--" Yes I do... +Yes I do... Well--he calls it the Bermuda Triangle. He said a man can get lost in there and never be heard from again. +Well--he calls it the Bermuda Triangle. He said a man can get lost in there and never be heard from again. What a nasty thing to say. +What a nasty thing to say. He didn't mean it nasty. He said that gettin' lost and disappearing from the face of the earth was sometimes a good thing to do-- especially like that. +He didn't mean it nasty. He said that gettin' lost and disappearing from the face of the earth was sometimes a good thing to do-- especially like that. Oh... Crash is a very smart man. Now c'mon, honey, give it a try. +No! You're playing with my mind! I'm trying to play with your body! +I'm trying to play with your body! I knew it--you're seducing me! +I knew it--you're seducing me! Of course I'm seducing you for Godsakes, and I'm doing a damn poor job of it-- Aren't I pretty? +Of course I'm seducing you for Godsakes, and I'm doing a damn poor job of it-- Aren't I pretty? I think you're real cute. +I think you're real cute. Cute?! I hate cute! Baby ducks are cute! I wanta be exotic and mysterious! +Cute?! I hate cute! Baby ducks are cute! I wanta be exotic and mysterious! You're exotic and mysterious and cute--that's why I better leave. +Nuke! You got things all wrong! There's no relation between sex and baseball. Ask Crash. I did. +I did. What'd he say? +What'd he say? He said if I gave in to you I'd start losing again. +He said if I gave in to you I'd start losing again. He did? +He did? I'll be back when we lose. +We lost. it's okay.. +I'd like you to meet my father. Oh--won't YOU come in? +I couldn't dump my old man but maybe later I can sneak away from him... You don't have to... +You don't have to... I'm starting to understand what you're teaching me. I mean the panties and the nostrils and all that shit...I mean I'm getting it-- +I'm starting to understand what you're teaching me. I mean the panties and the nostrils and all that shit...I mean I'm getting it-- So am I. Nuke, honey, we need to talk-- +Aw hell, let's have a quickie right here-- --but you're father's in there! +--but you're father's in there! Crash says I gotta quit worrying about him--c'mon, honey, we got a lotta catching up to do-- +It's Skip, for you. Yeah, Skip, it's me. Jeez...Jeez...God...Jeez... +I gotta leave first thing in the morning. That's great! +That's great! How can I possibly thank you? +Well I guess this is it. I won't be needing these anymore. +Neither will I. I think I'm ready for the Show. +I think I'm ready for the Show. Ebby Calvin Nuke LaLoosh--don't think too much. +Ebby Calvin Nuke LaLoosh--don't think too much. Don't worry. +--Millie, you've got to stay out of the clubhouse. It'll just get everybody in trouble. I got lured. +I got lured. "You didn't get ""lured"". Women never get lured. They're too strong and powerful for that. Now say it--""I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions""." +"You didn't get ""lured"". Women never get lured. They're too strong and powerful for that. Now say it--""I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions""." """I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions""." +"""I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions""." That's better. Got the radar ready? +Well let's get down to it, honey-- how was he? Well, he fucks like he pitches. Sorta all over the place +Omigawd, honey, I'm so happy for you. He's a virgin. +You should be at the game. No, no--I'm fine. Millie, how much time did you and Jimmy spend together before he proposed? +Five hours. We both just know. Do you think I deserve to wear white? We all deserve to wear white. +I'm Crash Davis. Annie Savoy. Wanta dance? +Annie Savoy. Wanta dance? I don't dance. +I don't dance. I don't trust a man who don't dance. It ain't natural. +She's dancing with me. Crash, I didn't think you-- +Crash, I didn't think you-- I'll learn. C'mon-- +These are the ground rules. I hook up with one guy a season-- I mean it takes me a couple of weeks to pick the guy--kinda my own spring training... And, well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far. So... I thought we should get to know each other. Why do you get to choose? Why don't I get to choose? +Why do you get to choose? Why don't I get to choose? Actually none of us on this planet ever really choose each other. It's all Quantum Physics and molecular attraction. There are laws we don't understand that bring us together and break us apart. +After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't tryout. Besides-- I don't believe in, Quantum Physics when it comes to matters of the heart...or loins. What do you believe in? +"I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, long foreplay, show tunes, and that the novels of Thomas Pynchon are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, I believe that there oughtta be a constitutional amendment outlawing astro-turf and the designated hitter, I believe in the ""sweet spot"", voting every election, soft core pornography, chocolate chip cookies, opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last for 7 days." Oh my... Don't leave... +Oh my... Don't leave... G'night. +Wait, Crash--don't go--all I want is a date. I'm not gonna fall in love with you or nothin'. I'm not interested in a woman who's interested in that boy. +I'm not interested in a woman who's interested in that boy. I'm not interested yet. +See my hips? Yep. +Yep. I think Thomas Pynchon's a genius. +I think Thomas Pynchon's a genius. When you're hitting you shouldn't think about anything but hitting. But you shouldn't think about it too much. The trick is to use your brain to not use your brain. +When you're hitting you shouldn't think about anything but hitting. But you shouldn't think about it too much. The trick is to use your brain to not use your brain. But you were pulling your hips last night. +But you were pulling your hips last night. So...Wanta make love? +I'm committed to Nuke for the season. You had your chance the other night. What'you see in that guy--he's dim, pretty boy. a young, wild, +What'you see in that guy--he's dim, pretty boy. a young, wild, "Young men are uncomplicated. And he's not ""dim"". He's just inexperienced. My job is to give him ""life-wisdom"" and help him make it to the major leagues." +"Young men are uncomplicated. And he's not ""dim"". He's just inexperienced. My job is to give him ""life-wisdom"" and help him make it to the major leagues." That's my job too. +Damn. You're pulling your hips out. +You're pulling your hips out. But they're nice hips. I looked up your records-- You've hit 227 home runs in the minors. That's great! +Don't tell anybody. Why not? If you hit twenty homers this year you'll be the all time minor league champ! The record's +Why not? If you hit twenty homers this year you'll be the all time minor league champ! The record's 247 home runs in the minors would be a dubious honor, if ya think about it. +247 home runs in the minors would be a dubious honor, if ya think about it. Oh no, I think it'd be great! The Sporting News should know about it. +Oh no, I think it'd be great! The Sporting News should know about it. No. Please. +Damn. Let me. +Your place or mine? Despite my love of weird metaphysics and my rejection of most Judao-Christian ethics, I am, within the framework of a baseball season, monogamous. +Despite my love of weird metaphysics and my rejection of most Judao-Christian ethics, I am, within the framework of a baseball season, monogamous. Fact is you're afraid of meeting a guy like me 'cause It might be real so you sabotage it with some bullshit about commitment to a young boy you can boss around-- Great deal. You get to write self- indulgent little poems all winter about how hard it is to find a man even though you just sent him packing- So what do you really want? You wanta be a tragic woman figure wallowing in the bullshit of magic? Or do you want a guy? +Well, Annie, your place or mine? You got me all confused. +You got me all confused. A batter has two tenths of a second to decide whether to swing-- +A batter has two tenths of a second to decide whether to swing-- I'm not a real batter. I'm a woman. +Crash...I want you. Nuke won't go to bed with you, eh? +Nuke won't go to bed with you, eh? He' s confused-- +He' s confused-- Aren't we all? +Aren't we all? Don't you think I'm pretty? +You're gorgeous, God damn it! From the moment I first saw you I knew I had to have you. I had to have you! I want to be had. +I want to be had. "I think of you and the ""boy"" all the time." +"I think of you and the ""boy"" all the time." He won't make love to me anymore. +He won't make love to me anymore. And he's right! A ballplayer on a streak has to respect the streak. They don't happen very often. You know how hard this game is? If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid or because you're not getting laid or because you wore red silk panties--then you are! And I still think Thomas Pynchon is full of shit. +And he's right! A ballplayer on a streak has to respect the streak. They don't happen very often. You know how hard this game is? If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid or because you're not getting laid or because you wore red silk panties--then you are! And I still think Thomas Pynchon is full of shit. I want you desperately! +Who are you? Do you have a job? I teach part time at the Junior College. What if I told you I was through with Nuke? He learned his lessons quickly and left me. +I teach part time at the Junior College. What if I told you I was through with Nuke? He learned his lessons quickly and left me. And now you wanta teach me? +And now you wanta teach me? I don't imagine there's much I could teach you. +I don't imagine there's much I could teach you. I doubt that. +I doubt that. Crash, I get wet just thinking about you. +Crash, I get wet just thinking about you. "I thought you wanted an ""uncomplicated"" boy?" +"I thought you wanted an ""uncomplicated"" boy?" I'm ready for a complicated man. +I'm ready for a complicated man. --and as soon as we lose a game, he'll be back in your arms. +--and as soon as we lose a game, he'll be back in your arms. I said when I think about you, I get wet. +I said when I think about you, I get wet. Annie, I think you should leave. +God damn you--what is happening? Is there no man who'll have me? This is the weirdest season I ever saw--the Durham Bulls can't lose and I can't get laid! You okay? +Why baseball? I was raised in a Baptist church got dipped in the water when I was 5-- born again before kindergarten...by the time I was 10 I knew it was bullshit and at 15 I ran away from home... +I crossed the street--it was the New York Yankees spring training field--tok, tok, tok, was the sound of a ball hitting a bat-- and I sat in the warm bleachers to think about my mother... And I saw him. Who? +Who? Thurman Munson. He was covered with dirt and he was fighting with everybody--it was beautiful ... And he called the ump a cocksucker and got thrown out of the game even though it was an exhibition! So I stayed in the bleachers all spring and gradually came to understand what's so great about baseball. +Thurman Munson. He was covered with dirt and he was fighting with everybody--it was beautiful ... And he called the ump a cocksucker and got thrown out of the game even though it was an exhibition! So I stayed in the bleachers all spring and gradually came to understand what's so great about baseball. What's so great about baseball? +What's so great about baseball? If you know where home plate is, then you know where 1st base is, and 2nd, and everything else-- 'cause they're always in the same place in relation to home. Don't you see? If you know where home plate is, then you know where everything else in the universe is! +I don't know if I'd go that far. It's true, It's true! Least it used to be true. It ain't possible that baseball's not enough anymore, is it, Crash? +It's true, It's true! Least it used to be true. It ain't possible that baseball's not enough anymore, is it, Crash? It's possible. +It's possible. No. +No. Are you gonna be waking up next to 20 year old ballplayers when you're 60? +Are you gonna be waking up next to 20 year old ballplayers when you're 60? Well...I used to think that wasn't the worst thing in the world to look forward to. Lately I'm not so sure. +Well...I used to think that wasn't the worst thing in the world to look forward to. Lately I'm not so sure. Why not? +Why not? "Whatta you mean ""why not""? Are you gonna play forever?!" +I got released. I heard already. +... so you see in a former lifetime I'm sure that I was Alexandria, the Czarette of Russia? What do you think? How come in former lifetimes, everybody was someone famous? How come nobody ever says they were Joe Schmo? +How come in former lifetimes, everybody was someone famous? How come nobody ever says they were Joe Schmo? It doesn't work like that. God, you're gorgeous. Want to dance? +What happened? I quit. Hit my dinger and hung 'em up. +I'm quitting too. Boys, not baseball. There might be an opening for a manager at Salem next spring. +There might be an opening for a manager at Salem next spring. Salem, Massachusetts? Where all the witches were? +Salem, Massachusetts? Where all the witches were? Yeah...you a witch? +Yeah...you a witch? Not yet. It takes years of practice... +You think I could make it to the Show as a manager? "You'd be great, just great... 'Cause you understand non-linear thinking even though it seems like baseball is a linear game 'cause of the lines and the box scores an' all--but the fact is that there's a spacious-""non-time kind of time"" to it..." +"You'd be great, just great... 'Cause you understand non-linear thinking even though it seems like baseball is a linear game 'cause of the lines and the box scores an' all--but the fact is that there's a spacious-""non-time kind of time"" to it..." Annie--- +Annie--- What? +What? I got a lotta time to hear your theories and I wanta hear every damn one of 'em...but right now I'm tired and I don't wanta think about baseball and I don't wanta think about Quantum Physics... I don't wanta think about nothing... I just wanta be. +I got a lotta time to hear your theories and I wanta hear every damn one of 'em...but right now I'm tired and I don't wanta think about baseball and I don't wanta think about Quantum Physics... I don't wanta think about nothing... I just wanta be. I can do that, too. +Number twenty-two's thighs are just great. Who's he? Jose Galindo. He hit .314 at Lynchburg last year. +Jose Galindo. He hit .314 at Lynchburg last year. Three-fourteen? Hmmm... Look't those thighs, Jackson +Ninety-five miles an hour. He looks great, just great! +Take this to Ebby in the dugout between innings. What's it say? +What's it say? It says he's not bending his back on his follow-through. +Oh dear....easy honey... Ninety-five miles an hour... +Hum, babe, hum, babe, fire it in here, hum babe-- That's not necessary, Jackson--- Okay, Nuke, now lean in for the sign. +Ninety-three miles an hour. He looks wonderful, Jackson... +Oh no--he's shaking off the sign, Jackson. Big mistake... He'll learn. +Ebby's told me a lot about you. Uh oh... Can I offer you some coffee? +He's a good student. We were worried that Ebby might get involved with the wrong crowd in professional baseball--we're so pleased, he met a Christian woman. +We were worried that Ebby might get involved with the wrong crowd in professional baseball--we're so pleased, he met a Christian woman. Praise the Lord, eh? +Let's have a quick word of prayer, right here, to thank the Lord for all this-- Oh let's not... +God bless you. She will, Mr. LaLoosh, she will ... +Thanks for the note--you're right, I wasn't bending my back. You got a live arm there. +Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. You need a nickname. +You need a nickname. That's what I been telling everybody! Wanta dance? +"Well--you boys stopped fighting yet? Are you pals now? Good. I love a little macho male bonding-- I think it's sweet even if it's probably latent homosexuality being ""re-channeled"" but I believe in ""re-channeling"" so who cares, right? Shall we go to my place?" Which one of us? +Which one of us? Oh both of you, of course... +Is somebody gonna go to bed with somebody or what? You're a regular nuclear meltdown, honey--slow down. +"No ballplayer ever said ""no"" to a date with me." Well shit, then, let's fuck. +No, no, no. Put it back on and take it off slowly. Jesus, what kinda broad are you? +Jesus, what kinda broad are you? When you know how to make love, you'll know how to pitch. Shh. I love this part. +No, no, honey... first the shoes and socks. The socks? It's cold in here. +The socks? It's cold in here. You think Dwight Gooden leaves his socks on? +Sweetie, have you ever heard of Walt Whitman? Who's he play for? +Who's he play for? Well, he sort of pitches for the Cosmic All-Stars. +Well, he sort of pitches for the Cosmic All-Stars. Never heard of 'em. +"Good--then listen. ""I sing the body electric. The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them--""" We gonna fuck or what? +We gonna fuck or what? "Shh, shh... ""They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them, and discorrupt them and charge them""" +What's that? Chicken bone cross take the curse off this bat and bring me hits. +Chicken bone cross take the curse off this bat and bring me hits. You a God damn witch? +You a God damn witch? Yes. A switch hitting witch. Very common in Puerto Rico. +Yes. A switch hitting witch. Very common in Puerto Rico. Will that work for me? +Will that work for me? If you believe in Voodoo. +If you believe in Voodoo. I'm 0 for 16! Gimme some of that shit. +No, that is not belief. That is desperation. C'mon, God damn it, gimme some! +I got him on the knee! You missed him! +You missed him! God damn It, Jack, he still ain't touched the plate. +Don't bump me. It was a cocksucking call! +It was a cocksucking call! Did you call me a cocksucker? +Did you call me a cocksucker? No! I said It was a cock-sucking call and you can't run me for that! +No! I said It was a cock-sucking call and you can't run me for that! You missed the tag! +You missed the tag! You spit on me! +You spit on me! I didn't spit on you! +I didn't spit on you! You're in the wrong business, Jack--you're Sears-Roebuck material! +You're in the wrong business, Jack--you're Sears-Roebuck material! You're close, Crash, you want me to run you? I'll run you! +You're close, Crash, you want me to run you? I'll run you! You want me to call you a cocksucker?! +You want me to call you a cocksucker?! Try it! Go ahead. Call me a cocksucker! +Try it! Go ahead. Call me a cocksucker! Beg me! +Beg me! Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! +Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! Beg me again! +Beg me again! Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! +Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! You're a cocksucker! +You're a cocksucker! You're outta here! +Hey! What're you guys doing here-- stealing my girl? "Now, Nuke, would I do a thing like that? Hey kids, this is the great Ebby Calvin ""Nuke"" LaLoosh." +Drive off your back leg. You pitch with your legs as much as your arms- I thought I was-- +I thought I was-- Don't think. +Fun? What's he know about fun? Why's he calling for a curveball? I wanta bring heat. Shake off the pitch. Throw what you wanta. +Why you shaking me off? I wanta throw the heater to announce my presence with authority. +I wanta throw the heater to announce my presence with authority. """To announce your fucking presence with authority""? This guy's a first ball fastball hitter. He's looking for heat." +"""To announce your fucking presence with authority""? This guy's a first ball fastball hitter. He's looking for heat." But he ain't seen my heat-- +But he ain't seen my heat-- Awright, meat, give him your heat. +Fastball. "Why's he always call me ""Meat""? I'm the guy driving a Porsche." +Guy hit the shit outta that one, eh? Well, I held it like an egg. +Well, I held it like an egg. An' he scrambled the son of a bitch. Having fun yet? +An' he scrambled the son of a bitch. Having fun yet? I'm having a blast. God, that sucker teed off on it just like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball. +I'm having a blast. God, that sucker teed off on it just like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball. He did know. +He did know. How? +How? I told him. +Oh she may get wooly, women do get wooly, because of all the stress... Gimme that. +How come you don't like me? 'Cause you don't respect yourself, which is your problem, but you don't respect the game--and that's my problem. You got a gift. +'Cause you don't respect yourself, which is your problem, but you don't respect the game--and that's my problem. You got a gift. What do I got? +What do I got? A gift. When you were a baby the gods reached down and turned your left arm into a thunderbolt. +You got a Hall of Fame arm but you're pissing it away. I ain't pissing nothing away--I got a Porsche already. A 944 with A.C. and a quadraphonic Blaupunkt. +I ain't pissing nothing away--I got a Porsche already. A 944 with A.C. and a quadraphonic Blaupunkt. You don't need a quadraphonic Blaupunkt--you need a curve ball. In the Show, everybody can hit the fastball. +You don't need a quadraphonic Blaupunkt--you need a curve ball. In the Show, everybody can hit the fastball. You been in the Majors? +You been in the Majors? Yep. +You could be one of those guys-- but you don't give a fuck, Meat. "God damn it I'm sick of you calling me ""Meat""! You wanta step outside!" +This is from Tony for the rainout. C'mon, man, let's go to the party. Naw... +Naw... """Naw""? There's ice skaters coming! You ever made love to an ice skater?" +"""Naw""? There's ice skaters coming! You ever made love to an ice skater?" By the dozen. Holiday on Ice, Ice Capades, Ice Follies-- I'm through with one night stands. +By the dozen. Holiday on Ice, Ice Capades, Ice Follies-- I'm through with one night stands. You're through with one night stands?! What do you want? +You're through with one night stands?! What do you want? I just wanta play everyday despite small nagging injuries--and go home to a woman who appreciates how full of crap I truly am. +You're weird, man--I want a ice skater real bad. Go for it. +Go for it. If I get laid, you won't tell Annie? +If I get laid, you won't tell Annie? I won't have to. +Party without me. God--what a Big League move. +Can I ask you something? What? +What? What would you think of a pitcher who wore women's panties? +What would you think of a pitcher who wore women's panties? If he had a good breaking ball, I'd respect the shit outta him. +I was playing naked. I know, I know--I have that dream all the time. We're almost home. +Annie says her panties will keep one side of my brain occupied while I'm on the mound, thus keeping my brain slightly off center, which is where it should be for artists and pitchers. She also said I should throw whatever pitches you call for. Annie's a smart lady. +I was great, eh? Your fastball was up and your curveball was hanging--in the Show they woulda ripped you. +Your fastball was up and your curveball was hanging--in the Show they woulda ripped you. Can't you let me enjoy the moment? +Can't you let me enjoy the moment? The moment's over. If this guy starts me off with a breaking ball, I'm going downtown-- +Hey, I'm cruisin', man--what're you doing out here?! I want you to throw this one at the bat rack. +I want you to throw this one at the bat rack. Why?! I'm finally throwin' the damn thing where I want to. +Why?! I'm finally throwin' the damn thing where I want to. It'll keep the fear of God in the hitters. Trust me. +It'll keep the fear of God in the hitters. Trust me. You're the boss. +You told him I was throwing a deuce, right? Yep. He really crushed that dinger, didn't he. Musta gone 450 feet...damn... +I love winning, Crash, you hear me? I love It. Teach me everything. It's time you started working on your interviews. +It's time you started working on your interviews. What do I gotta do? +What do I gotta do? Learn your cliches. Study them. Know them. They're your friends. +"Write this down. ""We gotta play 'em one day at a time.""" Boring. +Boring. "Of course. That's the point. ""I'm just happy to be here and hope I can help the ballclub.""" +"Of course. That's the point. ""I'm just happy to be here and hope I can help the ballclub.""" Jesus. +Jesus. "Write, write--""I just wanta give It my best shot and, Good Lord willing, things'll work out.""" +"""...Good Lord willing, things'll work out.""" Yep. So how's Annie? +She's getting steamed 'cause I'm still re-channeling my sexual energy--maybe I should cave in and sleep with her once just to calm her down. What'ya think? You outta your mind? If you give in now you might start losing. Never fuck with a winning streak. +What's wrong? I'm nervous--my old man's here. +Anybody says anything bad about Millie, I'll break his neck. Hey, guys, I got a game to pitch. +Club's expanding its roster to finish the season-- Shut up. I'm playing. Oh you won't regret it, young girls don't forget it, lost in their own wilderness ... But it's all so easy--Just try a little tenderness... +I'm going to the Show. Then go. +I'm trying to thank you. Let go of me! +Settle what? C ' mon! +C ' mon! I don't wanta fight you, I wanta thank you. Let's have a drink and forget this-- +I don't wanta fight you, I wanta thank you. Let's have a drink and forget this-- God damn it, you fucking virgin prick--step outside. +C'mon, we got nothin' to fight about. You fuck! +You fuck! Why am I a fuck? +Why am I a fuck? Why are you a fuck? 'Cause you got talent. I got brains. But you got talent! You're God damn left arm is worth a million dollars a year. All my limbs put together are worth 7 cents a pound--and that's for science and dog meat. +Why are you a fuck? 'Cause you got talent. I got brains. But you got talent! You're God damn left arm is worth a million dollars a year. All my limbs put together are worth 7 cents a pound--and that's for science and dog meat. You're a great catcher. +You're a great catcher. Come over here into the light so I can kick your ass. +Come over here into the light so I can kick your ass. No. +No. Okay, I'll kick your ass there. +I'll take you back to the hotel. You know what the difference Is between hitting .250 and hitting .300? 1 got it figured out. Twenty-five hits a year in 500 at bats is 50 points. Okay? There's 6 months in a season, that's about 25 weeks--you get one extra flare a week--just one--a gork, a ground ball with eyes, a dying quail-- just one more dying quail a week and you're in Yankee Stadium! +Nuke...tell me something. Did you hit me with your right or your left? My right. +Good. Good. That's terrific... What? +What? If ya get in a fight with some asshole, never hit his with your pitching hand. ya might get injured. That's another lesson for ya--now quit fucking around and help me up. +Sorry about last night. Forget it. +Forget it. I have been known, on occasion, to howl at the moon. D'you understand that? +I have been known, on occasion, to howl at the moon. D'you understand that? No. +No. You will. Look, Nuke--these Big League hitters are gonna light you up like a pin ball machine for awhile-- don't worry about it. Be cocky and arrogant even when you're getting beat. That's the secret. You gotta play this game with fear and arrogance. +You will. Look, Nuke--these Big League hitters are gonna light you up like a pin ball machine for awhile-- don't worry about it. Be cocky and arrogant even when you're getting beat. That's the secret. You gotta play this game with fear and arrogance. Fear and ignorance. +Fear and ignorance. No. Fear and arrogance, you, hayseed, not ignorance! +No. Fear and arrogance, you, hayseed, not ignorance! I know. I just like to see you get all worked up. +Well, I got Annie all warmed up for ya... She's just waiting for you to show up, y'know... I don't need a crazy woman in my life. +I don't need a crazy woman in my life. Maybe you do. Y'know I'm starting to like this game--baseball's a helluva good way to make a living. +It's the best, Nuke...the absolute fucking best. Yeah, thanks for everything. +Nuke-- Good luck. You too...Meat. +Crash Davis? The Crash Davis. ) And you, Larry Hockett, should recognize me 'cause five years ago in the Texas League when you were pitching for El Paso and I was hitting cleanup for Shreveport, you hung a curve on an 0-2 pitch of a 3-2 game in bottom of the 8th and I tattooed it over the Goodyear Tire sign, beat you 4-3-- and I got a free wheel alignment from Goodyear. +"I'm too old for this shit. Why the hell am I back in ""A"" ball?" 'Cause of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. The Big Club's got a hundred grand in him- +We want you to room with him on the road and stay on his case all year. He can go all the way. And where can I go? +And where can I go? You can keep going to the ballpark and keep gettin' paid to do it. Beats hell outta working at Sears. +I don't know. I haven't caught anything yet. What're you thinking about out here, Nuke? +Yeah, Skip, you wanted to see me? Crash, shut the door. +Step outside, pal. Love to-- +I don't believe in fighting. Pussy. +Pussy. Take the first shot at me. +Take the first shot at me. I ain't hitting a man first. +I ain't hitting a man first. Hit me in the chest with this... +I'd kill ya. From what I hear you couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a slingshot +From what I hear you couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a slingshot Don't try me. +Don't try me. Throw it. C'mon, right in the chest. +Throw it. C'mon, right in the chest. No way. +No way. C'mon, Meat. You can't hit me 'cause you're starting to think about it already, you're starting to think how embarrassing it'll be to miss, how all these people would laugh. C'mon, Rook--show me that million dollar arm 'cause I'm getting a good idea about the five cent head-- +We fight, she gets the clown-- how's that happen? Shut up--I like this song... April in Paris, this is a feeling, No one can ever reprieve... +Shut up--I like this song... April in Paris, this is a feeling, No one can ever reprieve... She's playing with my mind. +She's playing with my mind. It's a damn easy thing to play with. +"Who you calling a ""boy""?" See ya at the yard, Meat. +I gotta go now, Dad. I was thinking I could fly up and spend a week in the Big Leagues with you--help you get comfortable. +I was thinking I could fly up and spend a week in the Big Leagues with you--help you get comfortable. No. If I screw up, I wanta do it alone. I'll call. +No. If I screw up, I wanta do it alone. I'll call. We'll be praying for you. +We'll be praying for you. Dad--if my curveball is hanging, God ain't gonna help me. +Dad--if my curveball is hanging, God ain't gonna help me. We'll pray anyway. +We'll pray anyway. If it makes you and mom feel better, go for it. I gotta run-- +Hi, Jimmy. Want a ride? Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? +Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? No. +No. Can I give you my testimony? +Can I give you my testimony? You can do anything you want. Hop in. +Well tell 'em, honey. We're getting married. +Where's Ebby? Ain't he warning up? +Ain't he warning up? No. The guy's professional debut and he forgets about it. +No. The guy's professional debut and he forgets about it. Better find our bonus baby, eh? +Little high. C'mon big 'un, you're okay... +He walked eighteen?! It's a league record. +It's a league record. Struck out eighteen... +Struck out eighteen... League record. And he hit the Radio Announcer, a Sportswriter, and the Bull Mascot twice--also league records-- Joe, the guy's got some serious shit. +Ohyeah. I shoulda throwed a slider. Damn, Crash, how're ya? I'm Joe Riggins. Sit down +He's got a million dollar arm and a five cent head. --we had the gun on him tonight-- the last five pitches he threw were faster than the first five. 96 miles an hour, 98, 97, 97. 97. He's got the best young arm I've seen in 30 years. +--we had the gun on him tonight-- the last five pitches he threw were faster than the first five. 96 miles an hour, 98, 97, 97. 97. He's got the best young arm I've seen in 30 years. But he ain't quite sure which plane he's on, y'know what I mean... +But he ain't quite sure which plane he's on, y'know what I mean... You been around, you're smart, you're professional, you know what it takes-- We want you to mature the kid. +Sears sucks, Crash, I tried it once. Sold Lady Kenmores--it's nasty, nasty work. Even if it's the Carolina League-- this is a chance to play everyday. +You guys lollygag the ball around the infield, ya lollygag you're- way to first, ya lollygag in an' outta the dugout. You know what that makes ya Lollygaggers. What's our record, Larry? We're eight and sixteen. +We're eight and sixteen. Eight and sixteen?! How'd we ever win eight? Jose, what's this sign? +Eight and twenty-four. Eight and twenty-four! How'd we ever win 8 games? +Eight and twenty-four! How'd we ever win 8 games? It's a miracle. +It's a miracle. Look, guys--I'm a man, I got needs too. I understand this party-- but... sex is the one thing you can get further behind in and catch up faster than anything I know. There's a baseball lesson in there somewhere. Where's Crash? +Patkin was a tribute to baseball... ...and one helluva guy. +Jesus--what's got into Nuke? I heard he's wearing women's underwear--and he's breathing through his pingala nostril. +I heard he's wearing women's underwear--and he's breathing through his pingala nostril. I'm getting too old for this game. +Nuke's overthrowing tonight, he don't look loose. Anything bothering him? He said his chakras were jammed and he was breathing out of the wrong nostril. +He said his chakras were jammed and he was breathing out of the wrong nostril. Okay... +What the hell's going on out there? It's a damn convention. +It's a damn convention. Check it out. +The organization wants to make a change...now that Nuke's gone they wanta bring up some young catcher... Some kid hittin' .300 in Lynchburg ...probably a bust. +Some kid hittin' .300 in Lynchburg ...probably a bust. I put in a word for you with the organization--told 'em I thought you'd make a fine minor league manager someday...Might be an opening at Salem next year-- +What'you want, kid? Jim looking for somebody. +Jim looking for somebody. Who ain't? +Who ain't? Looking for Crash Davis. +Looking for Crash Davis. Ain't here. +Ain't here. I'm Nuke LaLoosh. With the Bulls. +I'm Nuke LaLoosh. With the Bulls. Your breaking ball's getting better but ya need a change up. +Crash ain't there. He never gets back till four or five-- Where does he go? +Where does he go? Well, I'd rather not say. +Well, I'd rather not say. They called me up to the Show and I wanta tell Crash goodbye. +Goddamn, that's great! Jesus! Listen, Crash don't like anybody to know it but-- Most nights he goes down to, you know, down to Niggertown. To Sandy's... the whorehouse. He goes to a whorehouse every night? +He goes to a whorehouse every night? Don't tell him I told you--he'd break my neck. +Thank you. ...he did what he was told. +I mean, the guy is history as far as I'm concerned. History. But you can't just fire him. Webb's his brother-in-law. He's County Commissioner. +But you can't just fire him. Webb's his brother-in-law. He's County Commissioner. So what? Everybody out here with cowboy boots is a fuckin' county commissioner or related to a county commissioner. I'm fuckin' sick of it. +So what? Everybody out here with cowboy boots is a fuckin' county commissioner or related to a county commissioner. I'm fuckin' sick of it. This is his state. His uncle's Chief Judge. His brother-in-law runs the County Commission. I don't know how many other relatives he's got in town. There's gotta be a way to work him back in. +This is his state. His uncle's Chief Judge. His brother-in-law runs the County Commission. I don't know how many other relatives he's got in town. There's gotta be a way to work him back in. Phil, I can understand. You're in the finances, you're upstairs, but you are not on the floor. I got thousands of players. I got five hundred dealers. They're all lookin' to rob me blind, twenty-four hours a day. I have to let them know I'm watching all the details, all the time; that there is not one single thing I will not catch as I am over here. +Look at yours. What? +What? Look at that. Look at this. There's nothin'... look how many blueberries your muffin has and how many mine has. Yours is falling apart. I have nothing. +Look at that. Look at this. There's nothin'... look how many blueberries your muffin has and how many mine has. Yours is falling apart. I have nothing. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? It's like everything else in this place. You don't do it yourself, it never gets done. +...was gonna stop what came up next at the casino. I can't believe you're doing this. +It turned out Phil Green, Mr Integrity, had a partner nobody knew about... and when she showed up and started demanding some money from the Tangiers... Why are you doing this to me? +I'm a little in shock, quite frankly... Now, instead of the cops only lookin' at Nicky, they started looking at Green too. And he was supposed to be our squeaky... +Hi, Ace. Hello, Senator. +Hey, I need a room. Need a room. Good to see ya. William would you... +I was never - I was never your guest at the Tangiers. You were never my guest?! +You were never my guest?! That's right. +That's right. I never comped you?! I don't comp you at least two or three times a month at the Tangiers?! +I never comped you?! I don't comp you at least two or three times a month at the Tangiers?! Uh, I - I'd... I'd like to answer - answer that at this time. +Uh, I - I'd... I'd like to answer - answer that at this time. Liar. +Liar. Mr Rothstein is being very typical to this point. +Mr Rothstein is being very typical to this point. He's lying. +The only time I was at the Tangiers was when I had dinner with Barney Greenstein. Was I at that dinner? Just tell me - +Was I at that dinner? Just tell me - You were wandering around. +You were wandering around. Was I at that dinner? +Was I at that dinner? You were wandering around. +You were wandering around. Was I at that dinner? +Was I at that dinner? You were wandering around. +You were wandering around. Was I at that dinner? +Was I at that dinner? You were in the m- You were in the building. +You were in the m- You were in the building. I was in the building! +You know damn well I was at that dinner, and you swore to me that I would have a fair hearing at that dinner! Did you not?! Did you not?! Well, tell me I was at least at the dinner! A-allow me that much. Give me that much at least! Yes, you were. +As far as the world was concerned Andy Stone, the head of the Teamsters' Pension Fund, was a legitimate guy. This is a very auspicious occasion. +This is a very auspicious occasion. A powerful man. +A powerful man. Philip, if you would rise. +He even played golf with the President. On behalf of the Teamsters' Pension Fund, it is my pleasure to present to you . . . +On behalf of the Teamsters' Pension Fund, it is my pleasure to present to you . . . But Andy also took orders. And when he was told to give a pension fund loan to Philip Green... +But Andy also took orders. And when he was told to give a pension fund loan to Philip Green... ...this check for $62,700,000 for the new Tangiers. +You don't have to have a license to work in a casino. All you gotta do is apply for one. The state law says you can work in a casino while they're processing your application. They got a ten-year backlog. But what happens when they do find out? +But what happens when they do find out? Why would they want to find out? We're puttin' a hundred million into this desert here. Why would they want to lock us out? And besides, they'll never find out. All you gotta do is keep changing your job title. Like, uh, from Casino Executive to Food and Beverage Chairman. And what happens it, they take your application, they put it at the bottom of the pile. I know guys workin' there for thirty years, don't have a license. +Why would they want to find out? We're puttin' a hundred million into this desert here. Why would they want to lock us out? And besides, they'll never find out. All you gotta do is keep changing your job title. Like, uh, from Casino Executive to Food and Beverage Chairman. And what happens it, they take your application, they put it at the bottom of the pile. I know guys workin' there for thirty years, don't have a license. It's a tough proposition, Andy. You, you know, if I did it, I'd have to run it my way. +It's a tough proposition, Andy. You, you know, if I did it, I'd have to run it my way. You got it. +You got it. I'm serious. No interference. +I'm serious. No interference. Nobody's gonna interfere with your running the casino. I guarantee it. +He's on all night, screamin' about how he's gonna take his damn lawsuit all the way to the Supreme Court. He really must be crazy. He's gonna go to Washington with this? He's out of his fuckin' mind. It's a pity in this... +First of all, what they did was totally unconstitutional. We're already on the list to be heard before the Supreme Court of the United States later this year. These guys back home don't give a fuck about the Supreme Court and any of this bullshit! They want things to quiet down. They want you to walk away from - +These guys back home don't give a fuck about the Supreme Court and any of this bullshit! They want things to quiet down. They want you to walk away from - Walk away? Andy, you can't be serious. How can I walk away? Don't you see what's goin' on here? Don't you see what's at stake? +Walk away? Andy, you can't be serious. How can I walk away? Don't you see what's goin' on here? Don't you see what's at stake? The old man said, 'Maybe your friend should give in.' And when the old man says 'maybe', that's like a papal bull. Not only should you quit, you should run! +The old man said, 'Maybe your friend should give in.' And when the old man says 'maybe', that's like a papal bull. Not only should you quit, you should run! Know what my problem is? Every time they mention my name in the papers, these cocksuckers, they mention Nicky, too. How the fuck does that help? I mean, the heat he brought down is murder! We had a police department who was cooperative. He's pissed them off so much now that nobody can make a move anymore. I mean, what do you do about that? +Know what my problem is? Every time they mention my name in the papers, these cocksuckers, they mention Nicky, too. How the fuck does that help? I mean, the heat he brought down is murder! We had a police department who was cooperative. He's pissed them off so much now that nobody can make a move anymore. I mean, what do you do about that? What do you propose? +What do you propose? I don't know, he doesn't listen to me. Maybe he should... get lost for a while. Take a vacation. Would that be so bad? +I don't know, he doesn't listen to me. Maybe he should... get lost for a while. Take a vacation. Would that be so bad? They ain't sendin' Nicky nowhere. +They ain't sendin' Nicky nowhere. All right, look, if he took a break, it would just give everybody some time to maneuver. That's all I'm saying. It's all that I'm saying. +All right, look, if he took a break, it would just give everybody some time to maneuver. That's all I'm saying. It's all that I'm saying. I would forget about the maneuver. I would just get out. +I would forget about the maneuver. I would just get out. I can't do that. +Even after a little vacation, they hassled him at the airport. Excuse me. +Excuse me. I mean, Frank Marino was there to meet him, but so were the cops. This time they wanted to pinch him for some diamond burglary in Antwerp. +...stupid things. Watch it, partner, watch it! +Watch it, partner, watch it! The worst was Blue. +...been right, but who knows? Jesus Christ! What gun? He's got a fuckin' hero sandwich here. +No, you're not calm. ...I will let her in the house for five minutes if you gentlemen will escort her out if she happens not to want to leave. Because I don't - I - +Yeah, I don't want her in there more than a few more minutes. No, it's - it'll just be a couple of minutes. We got other things to do too, you know. He'll hurry her up. How's everything else besides this? +No, it's - it'll just be a couple of minutes. We got other things to do too, you know. He'll hurry her up. How's everything else besides this? Fine, fine. How's your family? +Fine, fine. How's your family? Not bad, not bad. In fact, uh, my wife's pregnant again. +Not bad, not bad. In fact, uh, my wife's pregnant again. Oh, good. +Oh, good. Yeah. +Yeah. Congratulations. +Okay, Randy. Thank you. All right, take care. +Stop - Wait, hold on a second. +Wait, hold on a second. Hey! +Hey! Hold on a second. +Look, look. You can't stop her for speeding? I mean, look what the hell she's doing. Speeding? +But one thing I could never understand, was that she could have everything under control, except for her old pimp boyfriend, Lester Diamond. Look, Gin, you know I got other people in this. I got partners. But I want you to understand that I am lookin' out for you in this thing. Okay? You're going to get yours back... and you're gonna get it back first. Okay? +Yeah. He was a moocher, a card cheat, a country-club golf hustler. A scumbag... chasing dentists for a few bucks. +She's my wife. Look at me. You did know that, didn't you? You knew that she's my wife? Huh? Hey, look at me. Yeah, yeah. I know that. +Yeah, yeah. I know that. You do? Yeah? Well, if you ever come back again... ever... to take her money... next time bring a pistol. That way you got a chance. Be a man, don't be a fuckin' pimp. Now, you want to do me a favor? Get out of here. I want to be alone with my wife. Get the fuck up and get out of here. +Okay. You fuckin' piece of shit. +You fuckin' piece of shit. Hey, that's just fuckin' - That's bullshit. You know, you know, what the fuck? +M- Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Rothstein? Hey, little Dale Evans. +Hello. Hello. +Hello. Yeah, is this Lester? This is Sam... +Yeah, is this Lester? This is Sam... ...Rothstein. I want to talk to Ginger. Put her on the phone. +...Rothstein. I want to talk to Ginger. Put her on the phone. She's not here, Sam. +She's not here, Sam. Lester... +Lester... ...listen to me very carefully. I want to talk to Ginger. I want my kid back. I want her put on a plane immediately. +...listen to me very carefully. I want to talk to Ginger. I want my kid back. I want her put on a plane immediately. I know she's there. Don't fuck around with me. +I know she's there. Don't fuck around with me. Uh, I'm not. Sam, I wouldn't... +You understand? Put her on the fuckin' phone. Sam, I - I don't know where she is, okay? +Sam, I - I don't know where she is, okay? So, l-l-l-listen, I te- I te- I tell you - can I call you back in a few minutes? +So, l-l-l-listen, I te- I te- I tell you - can I call you back in a few minutes? 702 472 1862. +702 472 1862. Mm-hm. 1862. Okay, good. I'll call you right b- +Mm-hm. 1862. Okay, good. I'll call you right b- Right away. +Right away. I'll call you right back. +I'll call you right back. Right back. +Right back. You got it. Schmuck. All right. I just bought us a few minutes. Want to get back at this prick? +Now this is just a signature card. So, once she signs those papers, she'll be the only person to have total access to the box? No one else, including myself? +So, once she signs those papers, she'll be the only person to have total access to the box? No one else, including myself? That's right. +Sam, let me ask you a question. You must really trust your wife. Yeah, sure I do. Why? +Yeah, sure I do. Why? No, tha-that's good. It's just unusual. To tell you the truth, so many of my clients don't. +No, tha-that's good. It's just unusual. To tell you the truth, so many of my clients don't. Well... +Oh. Have a good day at school. Okay. +Hello? Hello! Ginger. Help, Daddy! +Amy! Amy, open the door! I can't! I'm tied! +I can't! I'm tied! Wh-wh - +Dad! What happened? What happened? Who did this to you? +What happened? What happened? Who did this to you? Mommy. +Mommy. I'm gonna get a knife and cut you loose, honey, I'll - +I'm gonna get a knife and cut you loose, honey, I'll - Oh, no, please, please. +When did this happen, honey? I don't know. +You don't know? What time did your mother do this? When did she leave? I don't know. +I don't know. Ohhh... +...by the only kind of guys that can actually get you that kind of money: sixty-two million, seven-hundred thousand dollars. I don't know all the details. Matter of fact... +But it's in the desert where lots of the town's problems are solved. Got a lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. Except you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk. Otherwise you're talkin' about a half-hour or forty-five minutes of diggin'. And who knows who's gonna be comin' along in that time? Before you know it, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all fuckin' night. +...give him a shot at runnin' a casino and he tries to talk you out of it. You know, I don't know if I could do this even if I wanted to. The Gaming Commission would never give me a license. I have at least two dozen gambling and bookmaking pinches on me. +You know, havin' some fun with it, shit like that. Where the hell did you learn how to deal? +Where the hell did you learn how to deal? He bet like a fuckin' brain surgeon. +He bet like a fuckin' brain surgeon. Place the checks properly. That's the way you do it. +I'll take Columbia for twenty. If his girlfriend was knocked up. +Yeah, we made a great pair. I made book and Nicky made sure we always collected. The old men loved us. And why not? They all made money with us. They payin'? +They payin'? How did Nicky collect? +It was eight. Ace... tell him the line on the Bear's game. Eight. +Eight. If he don't know, nobody knows. Told you it was eight. +What's that? You hear? You hear a little girl, Frankie? You hear a little girl, Ace? Is that a little fuckin' girl?! What happened to the fuckin' tough guy? Told my friend stick it up his fuckin' ass?! Huh?! Huh?! Wait a sec, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky. Ta- take it easy. +While I was tryin' to figure out why the guy was sayin' what he was sayin', Nicky just hit him. No matter how big a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a gun. And you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he'll keep comin' back and back until one of you is dead. Listen... +But nobody had to take care of Nicky. You find any cash in there, we'll whack it up with you. +You find any cash in there, we'll whack it up with you. I mean, he took care of himself only too well. And that's why every badge back home wanted to nail him. +...nobody interfered with the fuckin' skim. Hey. +Okay, Sammy. Somethin', huh? +Somethin', huh? Yeah. +Yeah. Ginger. +Holy shit, what've you been doin' out here? Honey, come here. +After we ate, we left Jennifer and Ginger alone and we took a ride to talk. And then... he hit me with it. What do you think about me movin' out here? What's the matter? You got a problem with that? +What do you think about me movin' out here? What's the matter? You got a problem with that? No, of course not. +No, of course not. You mean, I have your permission? +You mean, I have your permission? Sure, you have my permission. But I - I just gotta tell you it's no joke out here. It's no joke, you know? You gotta keep a low profile. It's not like back home. Right off the bat, they don't like guys like us. And this sheriff's a real cowboy. Even the coppers aren't afraid to bury people out in the desert here. +Sure, you have my permission. But I - I just gotta tell you it's no joke out here. It's no joke, you know? You gotta keep a low profile. It's not like back home. Right off the bat, they don't like guys like us. And this sheriff's a real cowboy. Even the coppers aren't afraid to bury people out in the desert here. I don't care. I want to get away from back home for a while. I'm tired of that shit back there. Look at this place. It's made of money. You know what the best part is? Nobody's gonna know what we're doin'! There's nobody here to see us! Everybody's back home. +I don't care. I want to get away from back home for a while. I'm tired of that shit back there. Look at this place. It's made of money. You know what the best part is? Nobody's gonna know what we're doin'! There's nobody here to see us! Everybody's back home. Nick, I gotta tell you, I got pinched twice for no reason. You really gotta be careful. I'm running a licensed place. Everything's legit. +Nick, I gotta tell you, I got pinched twice for no reason. You really gotta be careful. I'm running a licensed place. Everything's legit. Don't worry about it. I'm not gonna do anything. What am I gonna do? I'm especially not gonna involve you in anything. +But I saw it another. I saw it as untouched. I mean, they had bookies, pimps and drug dealers I could shake down. Who the fuck were they gonna run to? So, I started getting everybody in line. Best of all, for the first time in my life, I figured out a way not to lose. Yeah, he had a fool-proof scheme, all right. It wasn't very scientific but it worked. When he won, he collected. When he lost, he told the bookies to go fuck themselves. What were they gonna do? Muscle Nicky? Nicky was the muscle. +Ohh! And, Nicky being Nicky, he made his presence known. +Especially at the casino, where he definitely did not work, people got the message. Me? That's why the bosses sent me out here. They wanted me to make sure none of the other crews robbed the joint. Like these two fuckin' balloon-heads over here [EDDY and JERRY]. They were gonna try and bang us out of two hundred fuckin' grand? Yeah, right, I'm sure. +When I married Ginger I knew all the stories, but I didn't give a fuck. 'I'm Sam Rothstein,' I said. 'I can change her.' It was typical Ace. He invited the biggest people in town and he knew they'd show. Because he knew they all wanted somethin' from him. With Ace, nobody ever got a free ride. Even Ginger. With her - +...Nicky was dreamin' his own kind of Vegas. To begin, I put money out on the streets, chargin' three points a week. You know - juice to the fuckin' dealers. +...the next thing I did, I started bustin' out high-stakes poker players. It was so obvious. I mean, all of Nicky's half-assed mechanics, they were real signal happy. +And I didn't want any of those agents near my place. Four aces, Doc. +I mean, Nicky's a made guy and I'm not. I can't do that. Be careful. Gaming agents are all over the place. +Be careful. Gaming agents are all over the place. So, I'm lucky. I'm not allowed to get lucky in this place? +So, I'm lucky. I'm not allowed to get lucky in this place? You been lucky all week. They're lookin' to nail ya. +No, I didn't know that. But you know what he did? No. +He insulted Billy. And then I walked over to him politely... ...and he tells me to go fuck myself. +...and he tells me to go fuck myself. What? +What? Then he called me a faggot. +Then he called me a faggot. So what do you think I do? I threw that cocksucker out. +So what do you think I do? I threw that cocksucker out. What? Ho- Hey, come here. +If he does it again, he's out for good. I don't care what it is, Nick, I'm gonna ha- I'll - I'll never let him in the place again. I'm sorry about this. Really. +I'm sorry about this. Really. All right, Ace? +All right, Ace? Okay. +Okay. Thanks, pal. +But I'll tell you, he knew how to bring in the crowds. He knew all the fuckin' angles. He brought over the whole 'Femme Fatale' show from Paris. But he forgot how lazy them European dancin' broads can get. I mean, he had to weigh 'em in once a week to make sure they didn't blow up like fuckin' balloons. You're still eight pounds over. What's the reason for this? +Hey, I gotta give the guy credit. He does the most obvious thing. This is the only town in the country where a bookie joint is legit, so, why not take advantage, right? So... he took bookie joints off the street and then opened them up inside the casino. Well, within a few years, by doin' all of this, he had every casino on the Strip trying to copy off him. Between... +You better watch yourself. There's a lot of heat on you already. Why, somebody's complaining? +Why, somebody's complaining? I'm - I'm hearin' things from security. They're all ex-cops. The Sheriff's lookin' to bust your balls. They want to put you in the Black Book. +I'm - I'm hearin' things from security. They're all ex-cops. The Sheriff's lookin' to bust your balls. They want to put you in the Black Book. That Black Book is a bunch of bullshit. They got two names in there for the whole country and one of them is still Al Capone. +That Black Book is a bunch of bullshit. They got two names in there for the whole country and one of them is still Al Capone. Bullshit or no bullshit, they put you in that book, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble. You will not be able to walk into the casino. I'm tellin' you. +Bullshit or no bullshit, they put you in that book, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble. You will not be able to walk into the casino. I'm tellin' you. What am I doin' out here? I'm tryin' to make a livin', that's all. +What am I doin' out here? I'm tryin' to make a livin', that's all. I'm just tellin' you. Don't say I didn't warn you. +I'm just tellin' you. Don't say I didn't warn you. All right. +Well, it wasn't long before what I was afraid was gonna happen, happened. Nicky managed to get himself banned from every casino in Las Vegas, and from then on, I couldn't be seen talkin' to him anywhere in Vegas, or even near it. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? +' ...detrimental to gaming. And he will be ejected from any casino in Las Vegas... and the casinos can be fined as much as a hundred thousand every time he shows up.' Do you believe this shit? Yeah, I believe it. You got banned. +Motherfucker. Unsavory fuckin'... Is there any way around this? Nope, there's no way. +Nope, there's no way. Let's say... for instance... I want to go in the restaurant which happens to be in the casino... to get one of those sandwiches I like? +Let's say... for instance... I want to go in the restaurant which happens to be in the casino... to get one of those sandwiches I like? Forget it. You can't even set foot in the parking lot. That's how serious it is. +Forget it. You can't even set foot in the parking lot. That's how serious it is. In other words, I'm fucked. +In other words, I'm fucked. In so many words, yes. +In so many words, yes. It just didn't sink into his head about the Black Book and what it meant. Not being able to go into a casino is just one thing, but being in this book etched your name into the brains of every cop and FBI agent in the state. I mean, you're listed in there with Al Capone. But Nicky didn't care. +It just didn't sink into his head about the Black Book and what it meant. Not being able to go into a casino is just one thing, but being in this book etched your name into the brains of every cop and FBI agent in the state. I mean, you're listed in there with Al Capone. But Nicky didn't care. I gotta do somethin'. I gotta do somethin'. They ain't gettin' rid of me. They're not gettin' rid of me. I'm staying here. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em. +Yeah, Nicky loved restaurants. He was a real restaurant buff. And over the years, he always made money with them. Hey, Rich. +- no matter where he was or what he was doing, he always went home to make breakfast for his son, Nicky- Boy. Here, let's put a little of this on for you. I know you like this. A little butter, right, not a lot? +Hello. Listen... +No, no it's okay. It's impossible. It's booked up, and you gotta make a reservation. It's... +It's impossible. It's booked up, and you gotta make a reservation. It's... ...very difficult to get in. +...very difficult to get in. Well, it's okay. I'll use the service entrance. I'll see you at nine. +Hey, Ace. Hey. +You think he got the point? What're you doin'? He's a square guy, for chrissakes. You can't treat him like that. He's gonna run to the FBI. +What're you doin'? He's a square guy, for chrissakes. You can't treat him like that. He's gonna run to the FBI. Fuck the FBI! That prick's been dodging me for three weeks. And what is it with you? All of a sudden, you're tryin' to tell me what to do all the time. +Fuck the FBI! That prick's been dodging me for three weeks. And what is it with you? All of a sudden, you're tryin' to tell me what to do all the time. I'm not tryin' to tell you what to do. But you were way out of line, Nick. What're you doin'? Where's your head? +I'm not tryin' to tell you what to do. But you were way out of line, Nick. What're you doin'? Where's your head? Where's my head? Where's your fuckin' balls? Huh? You know I'm tryin' to put somethin' really big together out here. You know what I'm talkin' about, huh? You know! If you're actin' like this now, how can I depend on you? There's a lot of things gonna change out here. And if you wanna be there with me, Sammy, you're gonna have to go my fuckin' way. +Where's my head? Where's your fuckin' balls? Huh? You know I'm tryin' to put somethin' really big together out here. You know what I'm talkin' about, huh? You know! If you're actin' like this now, how can I depend on you? There's a lot of things gonna change out here. And if you wanna be there with me, Sammy, you're gonna have to go my fuckin' way. Listen, Nick, you gotta understand my situation. I'm responsible for thousands of people. I got a hundred million a year goin' through the place. It's all over, I'm gonna tell you, it's all over, if I don't get that license. And believe me, if it goes bad for me, it's gonna go bad for a lot of people, you understand? +Listen, Nick, you gotta understand my situation. I'm responsible for thousands of people. I got a hundred million a year goin' through the place. It's all over, I'm gonna tell you, it's all over, if I don't get that license. And believe me, if it goes bad for me, it's gonna go bad for a lot of people, you understand? Yeah, forget about your fuckin' license. I plant my own flag out here, you ain't gonna need a fuckin' license. You know, I don't know what it is, Sammy, but the more I talk to you, the more I feel like you just don't wanna go along with me, is that it? +Yeah, forget about your fuckin' license. I plant my own flag out here, you ain't gonna need a fuckin' license. You know, I don't know what it is, Sammy, but the more I talk to you, the more I feel like you just don't wanna go along with me, is that it? No, I don't wanna come - +No, I don't wanna come - You should say so. +You should say so. I don't wanna come along with you. +I don't wanna come along with you. Just say so. +Just say so. I'll be honest with you. +I'll be honest with you. All right, fine. +All right, fine. I don't wanna be involved in anything you're talkin' about... +I don't wanna be involved in anything you're talkin' about... Fine. +...okay? I just wanna run a square joint. That's it. I just want my license. I want everything nice and quiet. That's it. You mean, quiet like this: 'I'm the boss.' That's quiet? +You mean, quiet like this: 'I'm the boss.' That's quiet? That's all taken out of context. Okay. +That's all taken out of context. Okay. Yeah, that's out of context. Okay. +Yeah, that's out of context. Okay. I have no control over that. Ronnie and Billy were right there. They'll tell you exactly what happened. +I have no control over that. Ronnie and Billy were right there. They'll tell you exactly what happened. Well, back home they don't know about fuckin' control. That looks bad. +Well, back home they don't know about fuckin' control. That looks bad. Looks bad? I'm gonna tell you what looks bad. +Looks bad? I'm gonna tell you what looks bad. Yeah? +Yeah? Every time you're on television I get mentioned. That looks bad. That looks bad. +Every time you're on television I get mentioned. That looks bad. That looks bad. What the fuck happened to you? Will you tell me? +What the fuck happened to you? Will you tell me? What happened to me? What happened to you? +What happened to me? What happened to you? Yeah. +Yeah. You lost your control. +You lost your control. I lost control? +I lost control? Yes, you lost your control. +Yes, you lost your control. Look at you. You're fuckin' walkin' around like John Barrymore. +Look at you. You're fuckin' walkin' around like John Barrymore. All right. +All right. A fuckin' pink robe and a fuckin'... +A fuckin' pink robe and a fuckin'... All right. +All right. ...uh, uh, cigarette holder. I'm - I lost control?! +...uh, uh, cigarette holder. I'm - I lost control?! Yeah. +Yeah. You know, I didn't want to bring this up, but you have treating a lot of people with a lot of disrespect. Even your own wife. +You know, I didn't want to bring this up, but you have treating a lot of people with a lot of disrespect. Even your own wife. My wife? +My wife? Yeah. +Yeah. Now, what does she have to do with all this? +Now, what does she have to do with all this? Well, she comes to see me. She was upset about a lot of things, especially that whole fuckin' Diamond - that Lester Diamond incident. +Well, she comes to see me. She was upset about a lot of things, especially that whole fuckin' Diamond - that Lester Diamond incident. All of a sudden, you're the shoulder to cry on? Did you at least tell her about your little role in that whole situation? +All of a sudden, you're the shoulder to cry on? Did you at least tell her about your little role in that whole situation? No, I didn't. What good would that do? That's not the fuckin' point. +No, I didn't. What good would that do? That's not the fuckin' point. Listen, I would - +Listen, I would - The point is that she's upset. She's - and you got a fuckin' problem. +The point is that she's upset. She's - and you got a fuckin' problem. I - I would appreciate it if you'd stay out of my personal life, okay? You wouldn't like it if I did it to you. +I - I would appreciate it if you'd stay out of my personal life, okay? You wouldn't like it if I did it to you. Hey, she came to talk... +Hey, she came to talk... Please... +Please... ...to me. +...to me. ...don't do it to me... +...don't do it to me... She came to talk to me... +She came to talk to me... Okay? +Okay? And I - what was I supposed to do, throw her out? +And I - what was I supposed to do, throw her out? Ju-just stay away from her. It's none of your business, okay? There are certain things you don't do, and you know that. +Ju-just stay away from her. It's none of your business, okay? There are certain things you don't do, and you know that. It's none of my business? +It's none of my business? That's right, yeah. +That's right, yeah. A week ago it was my business, now it's none of my business. In other words, when you need me to take care of somethin' for you, then you need me. +A week ago it was my business, now it's none of my business. In other words, when you need me to take care of somethin' for you, then you need me. Yeah, that's right, the way you need me to vouch for you as a citizen and get you out of one of your jams. I'm gonna have to straighten out what you just did with this guy. +This guy is gonna run to the FBI. Your fuckin' head is getting' bigger than your casino. That's your problem, pal. +Your fuckin' head is getting' bigger than your casino. That's your problem, pal. I knew what he wanted, and I didn't want any part of it. +I knew what he wanted, and I didn't want any part of it. Fuckin' walking around with a big head. You better check yourself... +Fuckin' walking around with a big head. You better check yourself... Nicky wanted to take over. He wanted to go after Gaggi, go after the skim, go after everything and everybody. +Nicky was questioned in two dozen murders, but they always had to let him go. There were never any witnesses. The coppers blamed me for everything that went wrong out here, and I mean every little fuckin' thing too. +Peekaboo, you fucks, you. I see you, you motherfuckers. +I see you, you motherfuckers. The problem was, Nicky was not only bringin' heat on himself, but on me too. The FBI watched every move he made. But he didn't care. He just didn't care. +...on the line and this guy's out havin' the time of his life. He has every cop in the state watchin' him, and he's out playin' golf. Practice enough this week, you prick? +Practice enough this week, you prick? And at the... +Yeah. Meet me at three. +Meet me at three. What - what, Caesar's? +What - what, Caesar's? No, a... +No, a... ...hundred yards further down the road. +...hundred yards further down the road. Why? +Why? Don't ask questions. Just be there. +Where the fuck you get off talkin' to people about me behind my back? Goin' over my head? What people? +What people? What people! What'd you think, I wasn't gonna find out? +What people! What'd you think, I wasn't gonna find out? I don't even know what you're talkin' about, Nick. +I don't even know what you're talkin' about, Nick. No? You said I'm bringin' heat on you?! I gotta listen to people because of your fuckin' shit?! You're ordering me out?! You better get your own fuckin' army, pal! +No? You said I'm bringin' heat on you?! I gotta listen to people because of your fuckin' shit?! You're ordering me out?! You better get your own fuckin' army, pal! I didn't do anything. I mean, I didn't order you or anybody... I only told Andy Stone that you had a lot of heat on you, and that was a problem. +I didn't do anything. I mean, I didn't order you or anybody... I only told Andy Stone that you had a lot of heat on you, and that was a problem. You want me to get out of my own fuckin' town?! +You want me to get out of my own fuckin' town?! Yeah, I said I - let the bullshit blow over for a while so I can run the casino. Anything goes wrong with the casino, it's my ass. It's not yours, it's my ass. +Yeah, I said I - let the bullshit blow over for a while so I can run the casino. Anything goes wrong with the casino, it's my ass. It's not yours, it's my ass. Oh, I don't know whether you know this or not, but you only have your fuckin' casino because I made that possible! +Oh, I don't know whether you know this or not, but you only have your fuckin' casino because I made that possible! I - +I - I'm what counts out here! Not your fuckin' country clubs or your fuckin' TV shows! And what the fuck are you doin' on TV anyhow?! +I'm what counts out here! Not your fuckin' country clubs or your fuckin' TV shows! And what the fuck are you doin' on TV anyhow?! What are you - +What are you - You know I get calls from back home every fuckin' day?! They think you went batshit! +You know I get calls from back home every fuckin' day?! They think you went batshit! I'm only on TV because I gotta be able to hang around the casino. You understand that. You know that. Come on. +I'm only on TV because I gotta be able to hang around the casino. You understand that. You know that. Come on. Your fuckin' ass! You could have had the food and beverage job without goin' on television! You wanted to go on TV. +Your fuckin' ass! You could have had the food and beverage job without goin' on television! You wanted to go on TV. Yeah, I did want to go on TV. That way I have a forum. I can fight back. I'm known. People see me. They know they can't fuck around with me like they could if I was an unknown. That's right. +Yeah, I did want to go on TV. That way I have a forum. I can fight back. I'm known. People see me. They know they can't fuck around with me like they could if I was an unknown. That's right. You're makin' a big fuckin' spectacle of yourself. +You're makin' a big fuckin' spectacle of yourself. Me?! I wouldn't even be in this situation if it wasn't for you. You brought down so much fuckin' heat on me. I mean, every time I meet somebody here, the big question is do I know you. +Me?! I wouldn't even be in this situation if it wasn't for you. You brought down so much fuckin' heat on me. I mean, every time I meet somebody here, the big question is do I know you. Oh, sure. Now you want to blame your fuckin' license on me, is that it? +Oh, sure. Now you want to blame your fuckin' license on me, is that it? No, it - it - Nicky, when you asked me if you could come out here, what did I tell you? I mean, you asked me, and I knew you were going to come out no matter what I said, but what did I tell you? Do you remember what I told... +No, it - it - Nicky, when you asked me if you could come out here, what did I tell you? I mean, you asked me, and I knew you were going to come out no matter what I said, but what did I tell you? Do you remember what I told... Back - +Back - ...you? Do you remember what I told you? +...you? Do you remember what I told you? Back - Back up, back up a fuckin' minute here. One minute. I asked you?! When the fuck did I ever ask you if I could come out here?! Get this through your head, you - +Back - Back up, back up a fuckin' minute here. One minute. I asked you?! When the fuck did I ever ask you if I could come out here?! Get this through your head, you - You never - ? +You never - ? Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. You only exist out here because of me! That's the only reason! Without me, you, personally, every fuckin' wiseguy skell [Skell: the lowest form of wiseguy - a drunken bum] around'll take a piece of your fuckin' Jew ass! Then where you gonna go?! You're fuckin' warned! Don't ever go over my fuckin' head again! You motherfucker, you! +What are you doin'? You gotta get out of here! Hey, Sammy, tell this Jew motherfucker over here to pay that marker. +Hey, Sammy, tell this Jew motherfucker over here to pay that marker. Nicky, Nicky, you're not listenin' to me. I'm here to help you. What's the matter with you? You're gonna bury us both. +Nicky, Nicky, you're not listenin' to me. I'm here to help you. What's the matter with you? You're gonna bury us both. Just give me the money. Fuckin' give me the fuckin' money, Sammy. +Just give me the money. Fuckin' give me the fuckin' money, Sammy. I'm gonna okay you ten and get you even, and that's it. Then you got to get out of here before the cops and the newspapers are all over you. +Ginger called me. Yeah. +Yeah. I just told you. She called me. +I just told you. She called me. And what'd she want? +And what'd she want? She was afraid to call you. +She was afraid to call you. Yeah, she's with that cocksucker again... and they got Amy. +I know. Why didn't you come to me? I mean, this is family, it ain't business. Meanwhile, you make calls back home. Sammy, it makes us look bad out here, you know what I mean? Back and forth, this one and that one, and, in the meantime, she's gone anyway. Am I right? I don't know. What am I gonna do with this woman? I don't know... She's drivin' me fuckin' crazy. +I don't know. What am I gonna do with this woman? I don't know... She's drivin' me fuckin' crazy. I think if you, uh, okay it, you know, assure her that she's gonna be all right, she'll come back. +I think if you, uh, okay it, you know, assure her that she's gonna be all right, she'll come back. She's driving me fuckin' crazy. +She's driving me fuckin' crazy. Well, once you get her here, you think about it, you know? But get the kid back here. She wants to come back. That's the, uh, that's the main thing here. You want your kid, don't you? Huh? +Hello. Sammy. +Sammy. Yeah, uh, who's this? +Yeah, uh, who's this? It's me. +It's me. Nick? +Yeah, what are you doin'? You okay? No, I'm not okay. +No, I'm not okay. How'd you know I was here? +How'd you know I was here? Well... +...uh, you know, I just wanted to talk to you a minute. Well... +Well... ...Ginger's missing and she tied Amy up and she locked her in her room. I gotta find her. I don't know where the hell she is. +...Ginger's missing and she tied Amy up and she locked her in her room. I gotta find her. I don't know where the hell she is. Yeah? Well, listen, Ginger's over here at the Leaning Tower with me. +Yeah? Well, listen, Ginger's over here at the Leaning Tower with me. She's there with you? She's there with you? +She's there with you? She's there with you? Yeah, she's here. +Yeah, she's here. I'll be right there. +Ace don't... listen, don't... don't make a scene, all right? I want to just talk. I want to talk to that Irish bitch. +I want to just talk. I want to talk to that Irish bitch. She didn't know who to turn to. She... she didn't know where to turn. She was tryin' to save your marriage. +She didn't know who to turn to. She... she didn't know where to turn. She was tryin' to save your marriage. Yeah? Nicky, I want to talk to that fuckin' bitch. +Yeah? Nicky, I want to talk to that fuckin' bitch. Hey, be fuckin' nice. Calm. Be nice. Don't fuck up in here. +Mr Rothstein... I'm Pat Webb. How do you do? +Hey, it is my pleasure. Yeah, I heard a lot about you. +Yeah, I heard a lot about you. Oh, thank you, sir. +Hey, house is doin' well. Hey, all that money is rollin' in. I appreciate you takin' the time to see a poor ol' civil servant. No, that's quite all right. +Uh, I come here personally to kind of smooth over a fracas about a certain matter. See, uh, maybe you didn't know it, but, uh, Don Ward is a very well-liked man in this town. He's got lots of friends here. Now, his family and their money go back many, many years. Now, friends vote... family and money votes. That's important to me... and you. And if you'll think about our little problem along them lines... and you forgive me for sayin' it, maybe he did not deserve to be fired. I'm sorry, but he knew about our gettin' hit on three big machines in a row and he did nothing about it. That means either he was in on it or, forgive me for saying this, he was too dumb to see what was going on. Either way, I cannot have a man like that workin' here. +I'm sorry, but he knew about our gettin' hit on three big machines in a row and he did nothing about it. That means either he was in on it or, forgive me for saying this, he was too dumb to see what was going on. Either way, I cannot have a man like that workin' here. Before we point the dirty end of the stick at 'ol Don, uh, we better be sure we can prove them charges. +Before we point the dirty end of the stick at 'ol Don, uh, we better be sure we can prove them charges. Believe me, if I could prove it, he would be under arrest. +Believe me, if I could prove it, he would be under arrest. Are, uh - - are we certain that you want the Gamin' Control Board eyeballin' your record and your gangster pals like Nicky Santoro? +Are, uh - - are we certain that you want the Gamin' Control Board eyeballin' your record and your gangster pals like Nicky Santoro? I think you're way out of line talkin' to me like that. What you're sayin' is libelous, and you're in no position to challenge my expertise. I went way out of my way to be very helpful and courteous to that kid. He's weak, he's incompetent. He jeopardizes the whole place. There's not much more I can do for him. +I think you're way out of line talkin' to me like that. What you're sayin' is libelous, and you're in no position to challenge my expertise. I went way out of my way to be very helpful and courteous to that kid. He's weak, he's incompetent. He jeopardizes the whole place. There's not much more I can do for him. You have got me there. Old Don is as useless as tits on a boar. But, he is my brother-in-law, and I would look on it as a personal favor if you'd think some more on hirin' him back. +You have got me there. Old Don is as useless as tits on a boar. But, he is my brother-in-law, and I would look on it as a personal favor if you'd think some more on hirin' him back. I can't do that. And I appreciate the fact that he's your brother-in- law, and I do want to help you and I like to do favors, and I know who you are, but I cannot do that. +I can't do that. And I appreciate the fact that he's your brother-in- law, and I do want to help you and I like to do favors, and I know who you are, but I cannot do that. Well, could there be any position... further down the trough? +Well, could there be any position... further down the trough? I'm sorry, I can't do anything. He's too incompetent. And the bottom line is, he cannot be trusted. +Okay, thanks. Um... you know, that's it. I'm sorry. Mr Rothstein. Your people never will understand the way it works out here. You're all just our guests. But you act like you're at home. Let me tell you somethin', partner... you ain't home. But that's where we're gonna send you if it harelips the Governor. Thank you for your time. +Mr Rothstein. Your people never will understand the way it works out here. You're all just our guests. But you act like you're at home. Let me tell you somethin', partner... you ain't home. But that's where we're gonna send you if it harelips the Governor. Thank you for your time. No problem. Sorry. +No problem. Sorry. You bet. +Son-of-a-bitch. How the hell did you get Oklahoma-Michigan? Nobody ever had Oklahoma-Mi... How the hell'd you do it? Well, that's why they paid so well. +Well, that's why they paid so well. You see? Never tells me nothin'. Ace, what do we got on for next week? +You see? Never tells me nothin'. Ace, what do we got on for next week? Well, it's a little too early. I'd say Thursday would be good. I'll know by then. Is that all right? +Well, it's a little too early. I'd say Thursday would be good. I'll know by then. Is that all right? Okay. You come by the house? +Okay. You come by the house? I'll come by. +I'll come by. Seven o'clock? +Seven o'clock? Seven o'clock. +Oh, yes. Will you help me fold these, please? They were ready to blame him for anything, no matter where it happened. +You go and put your things away. And they were usually right. +Because Nicky enjoyed being a gangster, and he didn't give a damn who knew it. Come on. There we go. Look at that. Beautiful. +I mean, that's what worried me, 'cause it turns out Nicky was about to be sent to Vegas. All right, we're clear. +This is Jennifer and Nick. They're dear friends of mine. Good to meet you. +You know, I don't feel like playin' tennis. ...as soon as Andy got back home, Nicky heard about our talk in the car. +...as soon as Andy got back home, Nicky heard about our talk in the car. Let's go to lunch. Do you want to go to the Riviera? +Let's go to lunch. Do you want to go to the Riviera? Next morning bright and early, I get the call. +Hello. Hello, Jennifer, it's Sam - +Want something to drink? Charlie you want a refill? Yeah, refill'd be great. +Charlie, you've gotta - you've gotta stop her! I-I'm sorry, Sam. +I-I'm sorry, Sam. You've got to stop her. +You've got to stop her. What can I do? +What can I do? She's a fuckin' junkie. She's out of her fucking mind. Do you unders- +Legally, she can't take that stuff. Legally, she can't take the stuff. No, Ace. +No, Ace. Half of everything is mine. +Half of everything is mine. Ace, listen to me. +Ace, listen to me. Half - I'm comin' down. +Mr Rothstein, sir, let me put her on suspension. Never mind the 'sir'. Never mind the 'sir'. +Never mind the 'sir'. Never mind the 'sir'. Well, sir, I was just... +Well, sir, I was just... Why is she eight pounds over? +Why is she eight pounds over? ...trying to offer you the respect that your... +...trying to offer you the respect that your... I... +I... ...position... +...position... 'Mr Rothstein' is good enough. +'Mr Rothstein' is good enough. Mr Rothstein... well, sometimes, when you reach that pressure point, when you put that pressure point on them, you know, it shows... +Mr Rothstein... well, sometimes, when you reach that pressure point, when you put that pressure point on them, you know, it shows... She could at least lose half a pound or a quarter. Listen... +She could at least lose half a pound or a quarter. Listen... ...and she doesn't always - +...and she doesn't always - ...all you do is give me answers. Just - just give me the right answer. +...all you do is give me answers. Just - just give me the right answer. But, sir. Well, I don't know why. I guess, maybe, because she's frightened that if she doesn't lose the weight she may even get fired. +But, sir. Well, I don't know why. I guess, maybe, because she's frightened that if she doesn't lose the weight she may even get fired. That's right. She will get fired. In fact, I want you to send her back to Paris. +That's right. She will get fired. In fact, I want you to send her back to Paris. It's always been our policy - +It's always been our policy - No. Just stop everything. +I hired an old casino pal, Billy Sherbert, as my manager and I went to work. ...And this is Ronnie, who takes care of the card room... +...And this is Ronnie, who takes care of the card room... For guys like me, Las Vegas washes away your sins. It's a morality car wash. It does for us what Lourdes does for humpbacks and cripples. And, along with making us legit... +We need this guy. We can't get rid of him? +We can't get rid of him? He's juiced in. He's the County Commissioner's cousin. +He's juiced in. He's the County Commissioner's cousin. I wouldn't give the bum a mop job. +I had dozens of politicians and state officials comin' through that place every week. Nice to see you, Senator. +Nice to see you, Senator. Help the Senator, give him whatever he wants. +Help the Senator, give him whatever he wants. Certainly. Senator. +Certainly. Senator. Why not make them happy? +Why not make them happy? We have some nice penthouses you'll enjoy. Maybe the Presidential Suite. +Fuckin' asshole won't budge. Call security. +This woman's an institution. I don't care what she is. She's an institution, that's the problem. She's lazy. +To Abraham Lincoln. L'chaim. [Yiddish for 'to life'] +L'chaim. [Yiddish for 'to life'] Here we go. Good luck. +Sam, we got a problem. What is it? +What is it? The little guy. He's half in the bag, and nobody told him he was eighty- sixed from the joint, so we... +Now, he's really pissed. Oh, no. +He wants a fifty-thousand marker. No, just - just give him, give him ten. That's it. Ten. I'll be right down. +No, just - just give him, give him ten. That's it. Ten. I'll be right down. He's gonna come up with ten thousand, just the way you wanted. +Yeah, Billy Sherbert, please. Put him on. Who's this? +Who's this? Yeah, Bill, listen, I'll explain to you later. Just - You - You got a gun at home? Yeah. Bring it over here right away. +Okay. Just take it easy. Right away. Okay? +Right away. Okay? I-I'll do it. +I-I'll do it. Okay. +I'm going to go powder my nose. Ginger's mission in life was money. +Ginger's mission in life was money. I'll be right back. +I'll be right back. See you, Ginger. +Okay, thank you for asking. She was a queen around the casino. She brought in high rollers and helped them spread around a lot of money. +She was a queen around the casino. She brought in high rollers and helped them spread around a lot of money. Hello. +Any change? I hit a few... uh, games on the way back. +I hit a few... uh, games on the way back. That was all bullshit. She just pocketed the cash. +She took care of the dealers... Hey, Mitch. +Hey, Mitch. ...pit bosses, floor managers. +...pit bosses, floor managers. Thank you. +Thank you. But mostly... +...she took care of the valet parkers, the guys who could get you anything and take care of anything. Thanks a lot. +The Ginger I knew wouldn't even look at this creep. Good luck. +Within no time, everything was set in place. We got rid of the freelance scamsters. The per was way up. The gods were happy, or as happy as the gods can ever be. And I, I decided to complicate my life. For a guy who likes sure things, I was about to bet the rest of my life on a real longshot. We're not getting any younger. Don't you think it's time? Aren't you gettin' tired of all this shit? Bangin' around, hustlin' around? +We're not getting any younger. Don't you think it's time? Aren't you gettin' tired of all this shit? Bangin' around, hustlin' around? What, are you trying to handicap me? +What, are you trying to handicap me? I'm gonna do you one better. I'm trying to marry you. You want to marry me? I'm serious. I mean, I - I want to settle down. I want a family. +I'm gonna do you one better. I'm trying to marry you. You want to marry me? I'm serious. I mean, I - I want to settle down. I want a family. You got the wrong girl, Sam. +You got the wrong girl, Sam. I know I'd be a good father. I know you'd be a good mother. +I know I'd be a good father. I know you'd be a good mother. You don't know me. What, you've known me, two, three months. What do you know? +You don't know me. What, you've known me, two, three months. What do you know? I'm forty-three years old. I don't want to wait. I know you well enough to know that I really love you very much. And I can't think of anybody better to be with. And I don't feel like waiting anymore. +I'm forty-three years old. I don't want to wait. I know you well enough to know that I really love you very much. And I can't think of anybody better to be with. And I don't feel like waiting anymore. You know a lot of happily married people, Sam? 'Cause I don't. +You know a lot of happily married people, Sam? 'Cause I don't. Yeah, I know all that. +Yeah, I know all that. I care about you, a - But I just don't have those kind of feelings for you. I'm sorry. I'm not in love with you. +I care about you, a - But I just don't have those kind of feelings for you. I'm sorry. I'm not in love with you. I - I - I... +I - I - I... Understand? I'm sorry. +Understand? I'm sorry. No, I - I... mean... that can grow as I - as long as there's a mutual respect... that kind of thing can grow. I'm realistic. I can accept that. But, you know, what is... What is love anyway? It's a... it's a mutual respect. It's - it's a devotion. It's a... it's a caring from one person to another. And if we could set up some kind of foundation... based on that mutual respect... I feel that eventually you would care enough about me... that I could live with that. +No, I - I... mean... that can grow as I - as long as there's a mutual respect... that kind of thing can grow. I'm realistic. I can accept that. But, you know, what is... What is love anyway? It's a... it's a mutual respect. It's - it's a devotion. It's a... it's a caring from one person to another. And if we could set up some kind of foundation... based on that mutual respect... I feel that eventually you would care enough about me... that I could live with that. If it doesn't work out. You know, if it doesn't play out, then what happens to me? +If it doesn't work out. You know, if it doesn't play out, then what happens to me? You know I'm doin' well now. And I'm gonna do even better. And so, whatever happens, if it doesn't work out between us, I'm gonna make sure you're okay for the rest of your life. And if there are kids, especially, you know, I'll take care of you better than you'd ever imagine. +You know I'm doin' well now. And I'm gonna do even better. And so, whatever happens, if it doesn't work out between us, I'm gonna make sure you're okay for the rest of your life. And if there are kids, especially, you know, I'll take care of you better than you'd ever imagine. What're you... what're you pitching me, here? +What're you... what're you pitching me, here? Just what I said. You'll be set up for the rest of your life. That I can promise you. Want to take a chance? +You all right? Yeah. +Yeah. Why're you crying? +Why're you crying? I'm not crying. +Maybe you shouldn't drink so much. I'm okay. I just - You just have to understand. I've been with Lester since I was a kid. I just wanted to say goodbye. I - I just... I don't... I think I have a right to do that. Okay? +I'm okay. I just - You just have to understand. I've been with Lester since I was a kid. I just wanted to say goodbye. I - I just... I don't... I think I have a right to do that. Okay? It's all right. That part of your life is over with. Right? +It's all right. That part of your life is over with. Right? Yeah. +Yeah. You're with me now. +You're with me now. Yeah. +Yeah. Right? +Right? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. You sure? +You sure? Yeah. Yeah. +Want to go? Let's go back in. Okay. +You're kidding? My God. What is it? It's chinchilla. +It's chinchilla. Oh, it's so soft. +Oh, it's so soft. It's nice isn't it? +It's nice isn't it? Oh... +So, do you think it's too much if I wear these in the same day? You do whatever you want. Do I keep my promises, or do I keep my promises? +You're so wonderful. The jewelry's not so bad, either. The only thing is... you shouldn't keep this in the house. We gotta put it in a bank. +The only thing is... you shouldn't keep this in the house. We gotta put it in a bank. Come on. Can I keep this one in the house? +Come on. Can I keep this one in the house? Now look, pay attention to me. What I'm gonna tell you is very important. +Now look, pay attention to me. What I'm gonna tell you is very important. Okay. +Okay. All this stuff doesn't mean anything. Money, this, doesn't mean anything without trust. I have to be able to trust you with my life. +Crooked cops and kidnappers, they don't take checks. Need a little help with that, Mr Collins? +Need a little help with that, Mr Collins? So, I put two million in cash in a Los Angeles bank under the name of Mr and Mrs Tom Collins. This was strictly my shakedown and kidnapping money. +Hi. Nice to see you. She could be the most charming woman you ever saw. People loved to be around her. +Hey, do you want to see this one? Daddy gave me all this jewelry because he loves me so much. Put your arm in there. But as much as they loved her... +But as much as they loved her... Oh, fabulous. +Oh, fabulous. ...they didn't know what really moved her. +Okay, want to go with Mommy? What do you need? +What do you need? You get her? Okay. Well, I need a lot. I need more than usual. +You get her? Okay. Well, I need a lot. I need more than usual. Well, why don't you take it out of your account? There's a lot there. +Well, why don't you take it out of your account? There's a lot there. Well, I would, you know, Sam. It's just that... well, I need more than that. I need twenty-five thousand. +Twenty-five thousand? For yourself? Yeah. +Yeah. Why do you need that much? +Why do you need that much? Well, what's the difference? I just need it. +Well, what's the difference? I just need it. Well, I mean... you know, I gotta ask you. That's a lot of money. You're not asking for a box of popcorn, you know. I mean... +Well, I mean... you know, I gotta ask you. That's a lot of money. You're not asking for a box of popcorn, you know. I mean... I'm aware of that. We don't have to turn this into a big deal. Okay? We don't have to have a fight. It was important to me. But forget it. Just something I wanted to do for myself. +I'm aware of that. We don't have to turn this into a big deal. Okay? We don't have to have a fight. It was important to me. But forget it. Just something I wanted to do for myself. Who's fighting? I mean, I'm, you know, tell me what it's for. +Huh? Well, you know what? Now, I want you to tell me. I mean, my wife comes to me and asks me for twenty-five thousand. I mean, what do you want? Do you want a coat? No. +No. Well, if you want a coat, you got it. You know that. It's not the money, it's just why do you want it? That's all I'm askin'. Am I not entitled to that? +Well, if you want a coat, you got it. You know that. It's not the money, it's just why do you want it? That's all I'm askin'. Am I not entitled to that? Look - Sam, I've been independent my whole life. I never had to ask anybody for anything. Now you're making me beg you for this. +Look - Sam, I've been independent my whole life. I never had to ask anybody for anything. Now you're making me beg you for this. What are you talkin' a- ? +What are you talkin' a- ? Okay? And you're embarrassing me. Why do want to make me feel so bad? +Okay? And you're embarrassing me. Why do want to make me feel so bad? You're askin' me for twenty-five thousand. I'm not out to make you feel bad. I want to just be able to trust you. You now, it's about trust. I have to be able to trust you with my life. Do you understand? Can I trust you? Can I trust you?... Can I trust you?... Answer me. Can I trust you? +You're askin' me for twenty-five thousand. I'm not out to make you feel bad. I want to just be able to trust you. You now, it's about trust. I have to be able to trust you with my life. Do you understand? Can I trust you? Can I trust you?... Can I trust you?... Answer me. Can I trust you? You can trust me. +You can trust me. Good, so then you could tell me what the money is for. +You remember when you called him that night? When you said goodbye to him? He didn't say, 'Don't get married, I'll be right down, we'll get married.' He didn't say that to you, did he? No, he didn't. +No, he didn't. Didn't. No, instead, what did he say? 'Fuck him. Take him for everything he's got.' +Huh? Isn't it bad enough you're drinkin' too much, you're takin' all my pills too? +Isn't it bad enough you're drinkin' too much, you're takin' all my pills too? I didn't take your pills. +I didn't take your pills. Look - for my ulcer, I take a half a one of these, a half a one of these. And that's when I have extreme pain. I had a three-month supply. What'd you do with 'em? +Look - for my ulcer, I take a half a one of these, a half a one of these. And that's when I have extreme pain. I had a three-month supply. What'd you do with 'em? You didn't have to beat him up! +You didn't have to beat him up! What? +I was just tryin' to help him. It's not like I'm sleeping with the guy! Yeah, how do I know? +Yeah, how do I know? You can't make me stop caring... +You can't make me stop caring... What? What?! +What? What?! I said, you can't make me stop caring about people. +Listen. Ginger. I'm tryin' to make the best of everything here, you know? I mean, you're my wife, for chrissakes. Uh, I mean... people look up to you in this town. I don't know what to think - You know what, Ace? I don't give a shit! I'm gettin' out of here. I am. +It's okay. Look... ...you gotta get a hold of yourself. Okay. +Okay. If not for me, at least for Amy. +If not for me, at least for Amy. Okay, okay. +Okay, okay. You understand? Your drinking's gettin' way out of hand. I'm gonna get you into a program. They got plenty of good ones. +You understand? Your drinking's gettin' way out of hand. I'm gonna get you into a program. They got plenty of good ones. I don't need one. +I don't need one. Yes, you do. It's very discreet. There's no names in the papers. You don't have to worry about any of that stuff. +Yes, you do. It's very discreet. There's no names in the papers. You don't have to worry about any of that stuff. That's all you care about. You don't care about me at all. +That's all you care about. You don't care about me at all. Yes, I - yes, I do. +Yes, I - yes, I do. No, you don't. +No, you don't. How could you say that? You're a beautiful woman. You're destroying yourself. You don't need that stuff. You don't need that fuckin' leech livin' off you. I know you better than you know yourself. You're a tiger, you're stronger than I am. And when you set your mind on doing something, you do it better than anybody. You can do it. You can do it. +How could you say that? You're a beautiful woman. You're destroying yourself. You don't need that stuff. You don't need that fuckin' leech livin' off you. I know you better than you know yourself. You're a tiger, you're stronger than I am. And when you set your mind on doing something, you do it better than anybody. You can do it. You can do it. Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. Okay... I'll try. I'll try. +You see, if a phone's tapped, the Feds can only listen in... ...on the stuff involving crimes. So on... +...on the stuff involving crimes. So on... ...routine calls, they have to click off after a few minutes. +...routine calls, they have to click off after a few minutes. Yeah, and I get a sprained fuckin' elbow. +I mean she's only sober about two hours a day. It's usually from eleven in the morning until one in the afternoon. And if I gave her her money and her jewels now, you know what she's gonna do? She's gonna piss it all away in about a year, and then where will she be? Where would you be then? Comin' right back to me, right back to me. Or finding some other excuse to come and I - I - We had a deal. Remember that? He said if it didn't work out between us, that I could get my things and I could leave. +We had a deal. Remember that? He said if it didn't work out between us, that I could get my things and I could leave. Look in my eyes. Look in my eyes. +Well, that's why I'm here. She wants to come back, but she's afraid you're gonna whack her out. Yeah, they're gonna kidnap my kid. What do you want? +Hello. Hi, it's me. Just who you wanted to talk to, right? +Hi, it's me. Just who you wanted to talk to, right? Listen... +...uh-uh-uh - I'm not gonna ask you where you are, just please, put Amy on a plane. Just put her on right away, any plane to get her here right away... ...please. That's all I'm askin' you. +...please. That's all I'm askin' you. Do you... I mean... I don't think she should go by herself. +Do you... I mean... I don't think she should go by herself. What do you mean? +What do you mean? What I mean is, you think if, uh, do you think if I came back... do you think you could forgive me? +What I mean is, you think if, uh, do you think if I came back... do you think you could forgive me? Uh, I don't know. I gotta tell you, I don't know. +Uh, I don't know. I gotta tell you, I don't know. Right. +Right. I under-understand that. I-I know I fucked up. +I under-understand that. I-I know I fucked up. What about the money? Uh, where's the box? +What about the money? Uh, where's the box? I gotta tell ya... +I gotta tell ya... ...I-I... made some mistakes and I spent some money. +...I-I... made some mistakes and I spent some money. What's it... +What's it... ...under? +...under? Pretty serious. +Pretty serious. How serious? +How serious? It's, uh, it's under twenty-five. +It's, uh, it's under twenty-five. It's under... +It's under... ...twenty-five thousand? +...twenty-five thousand? Yeah. +Yeah. And... +And... ...the rest of the two million is still there? +...the rest of the two million is still there? Yeah, yeah, I got the rest. +Yeah, yeah, I got the rest. Okay, no big deal. That's okay. Yeah. He got his twenty-five. That I'll live with. Any more I couldn't. +Okay, no big deal. That's okay. Yeah. He got his twenty-five. That I'll live with. Any more I couldn't. Okay? +Okay? All right... +So, what'd ya do with it? With what? +With what? With the money. +With the money. He needed some clothes. +He needed some clothes. Twenty-five thousand for clothes. +Twenty-five thousand for clothes. He wanted a watch, too. +He wanted a watch, too. Twenty-five thousand for clothes and a watch. +Twenty-five thousand for clothes and a watch. Mm-hm. +Mm-hm. Mm-hm. +The good part was, I had Amy back. So, we went home, had the housekeeper stay over, put the kid to bed, I calmed myself down and we went to dinner. I tried to keep things nice and civil, you know. But... hey, twenty-five thousand for three suits? That doesn't make much sense. First of all, he's not gonna wear f- thousand-dollar suits. But let's say he did, which he won't. How you gonna get fitted for twenty-five suits in three days? I, um, I mean, how could you get fitted that fast? I can't get fitted that fast, and I pay twice as much. +First of all, he's not gonna wear f- thousand-dollar suits. But let's say he did, which he won't. How you gonna get fitted for twenty-five suits in three days? I, um, I mean, how could you get fitted that fast? I can't get fitted that fast, and I pay twice as much. I bought him a watch too. +I bought him a watch too. Yeah. +Yeah. Yeah. +Yeah. But even if you bought him a watch, a really nice watch, one that he thought was nice - and he doesn't know what the fuck a good watch is - so, you go, five, ten, twelve grand? +But even if you bought him a watch, a really nice watch, one that he thought was nice - and he doesn't know what the fuck a good watch is - so, you go, five, ten, twelve grand? Yeah. +Yeah. At the most, which is impossible for him. +Plus, at the most, three suits, a thousand apiece. That still leaves what? Around ten thousand? Would you knock it off, Sam? +Would you knock it off, Sam? I'm just tryin' to figure it out. +I'm just tryin' to figure it out. There's nothin' to figure out. I'm home... we're workin' it out. +Yes, I want to kill you! I hate your fuckin' guts! You hate my guts? I want you to come with me now. +Get off of me! Stop it! Come with me now! Come with me now. Come with me now. I want you out of here. +I want you out of here! I want you out of here! Let go of me! Let go of me! +Take your fuckin' bag and get out of here! I'll go, but I want my money right now! +The arrangement is over! No kidding. NO KIDDING! +No kidding. NO KIDDING! And I still get my money. I need some cash right now. You can't just put me in the street. +And I still get my money. I need some cash right now. You can't just put me in the street. I'll get your cash. You haven't been straight with me ever since I met you! You never loved me in the first place! I need eyes in the back of my fuckin' head with you, you fuckin' bitch! +You're lower than a dog! Fuck you! +Here. Here. Is this enough money?! Huh? Will it last you two fuckin' days? Take it, greedy bitch. Take the fuckin' money you fuckin' want. I'm going to the bank and I'm getting my jewelry too! +Yeah, no kidding. Good! It opens at 9 a.m. Be there! And don't send your guys down there to stop me! I mean it. +Stop! You aren't getting rid of me with one fuckin' suitcase! You'll come back tomorrow and get the rest. Just get out of here. +You'll come back tomorrow and get the rest. Just get out of here. Fine. I'm takin' Amy. +Fine. I'm takin' Amy. You're not takin' Amy. +You're not takin' Amy. I am. I'm wakin' her up right now. +I am. I'm wakin' her up right now. You're stoned. You're a junkie. Get out of here. +I am not! She's my daughter too! Goddamn you! Get out of here! +Hi. You didn't answer your beeper. I threw it away. +I threw it away. You threw it away? +You threw it away? Look, I tried to do this thing. I know that you want me to, but it's just - You know, I'm driving down the freeway and the fuckin' thing's 'beep-beep-beep-beep'. You know, I'm in a restaurant and it's - it's embarrassing. I don't want to do it anymore. Where's Amy? +Look, I tried to do this thing. I know that you want me to, but it's just - You know, I'm driving down the freeway and the fuckin' thing's 'beep-beep-beep-beep'. You know, I'm in a restaurant and it's - it's embarrassing. I don't want to do it anymore. Where's Amy? I put her to bed. +I put her to bed. Oh. I got your cigarettes. +Oscar wants you to call him. So, who'd you go to lunch with? +So, who'd you go to lunch with? With Jennifer. +With Jennifer. And where'd you go? +And where'd you go? To the Riviera. +To the Riviera. What'd you have? +What'd you have? I had a... salad. +I had a... salad. What did Jennifer have? +What did Jennifer have? She had the same. +She had the same. Okay. I want you to call Jennifer and I want you to tell her to tell you what she had for lunch, and I'm gonna listen in on the other line. +Okay. I want you to call Jennifer and I want you to tell her to tell you what she had for lunch, and I'm gonna listen in on the other line. Why do you want to do that? +Why do you want to do that? You know why I want to do it. Just do it. +You know why I want to do it. Just do it. Fine. Just gonna get the bowl for my thing. +Fine. Just gonna get the bowl for my thing. Mm. +All right... I didn't have lunch with Jennifer. Who were you with? +Who were you with? I was with somebody. +I was with somebody. I know you were with somebody. Who was it? I just hope it's not someone who I think it might be. I just hope it's not them. +...she did what she did and I did what I had to do. But, Jesus, Nicky was the worst thing she could've done. What if he won't stop? +What if he won't stop? I mean, it could get us both killed. +I mean, it could get us both killed. I can back him off. +Hi, Sam. I mean, you tie up our kid and you lock the fuckin' door? Are... +I mean, you tie up our kid and you lock the fuckin' door? Are... Oh... +Oh... ...you out of your mind? That's our child. Are you out of your fuckin' mind? +...you out of your mind? That's our child. Are you out of your fuckin' mind? It's just for a little while, Sam. The baby-sitter wasn't there. +It's just for a little while, Sam. The baby-sitter wasn't there. I ought to fuckin' have you committed. You fuckin' do that again, I'll f-, I'll f- +I ought to fuckin' have you committed. You fuckin' do that again, I'll f-, I'll f- She wasn't gonna get up. I was just gonna be out for a little while. +She wasn't gonna get up. I was just gonna be out for a little while. I should have - +I should have - I mean, she was asleep. I was going to be right back before she even woke up. +I mean, she was asleep. I was going to be right back before she even woke up. Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me. Listen, you fuckin' cunt. +Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me. Listen, you fuckin' cunt. Oh, sh- +Oh, sh- Listen to me. +Listen to me. Fuck you. +Fuck you. Let me tell you something. Listen to me. +Let me tell you something. Listen to me. I w- I was gonna be back before she woke up. +I w- I was gonna be back before she woke up. You listen carefully! You ever fuckin' touch her again, you ever do anything like that again, I'll fuckin' kill you. Pure and simple. Do you hear me? Pure and fuckin' simple, I'll fuckin' kill you, you bitch. +You listen carefully! You ever fuckin' touch her again, you ever do anything like that again, I'll fuckin' kill you. Pure and simple. Do you hear me? Pure and fuckin' simple, I'll fuckin' kill you, you bitch. Why don't you just let me go, Sam? +Why don't you just let me go, Sam? You fuckin' whore! +You fuckin' whore! I'll sign anything you want me to sign, okay? +I'll sign anything you want me to sign, okay? You understand? What? Let you go? +You understand? What? Let you go? I just want the key to my jewelry, and I want you to let me go. +I just want the key to my jewelry, and I want you to let me go. You want your jewelry? +You want your jewelry? I want you to let me go. +I want you to let me go. And what? And let you disgrace me, you fuckin' pig? And let you disgrace me? Get up. Get up and be a mother. Get in the car and go to the house... +Get - Get up! Get up! I wou- I wouldn't do that if I were you. +I wou- I wouldn't do that if I were you. Get - get up! +Get - get up! I wouldn't do that... +I wouldn't do that... Get up! Get going! Get up! +I wouldn't - Get the fu- You threatening me? I'll fuckin' kill you in this place! Get up and go home right now. +Now you need approval from him to go home? So what? So who fuckin' blew you in the parking lot before you came in... huh? +So what? So who fuckin' blew you in the parking lot before you came in... huh? You make me sick, you fuck. Once a fuckin' hooker, always a hooker. +You make me sick, you fuck. Once a fuckin' hooker, always a hooker. Oh, fuck you! Fuck you, Sam Rothstein! Fuck you! +She, she's alone. Just go. Take the gun and go into Amy's. You get down here! +You get down here! Just wait there for me! +Just wait there for me! Get down here and talk to me, goddamn it! Don't fuckin' ignore me! You motherfucker! +You come out here and talk to me, you fucker! Will you stop it? You're drunk, you're on drugs. You're gonna - +Will you stop it? You're drunk, you're on drugs. You're gonna - I am not! +I am not! You're gonna be sorry if you don't stop that. +You're gonna be sorry if you don't stop that. Don't you threaten me! +Don't you threaten me! You'll wake the whole neighborhood! +You'll wake the whole neighborhood! Don't you threaten me! +You are not threatening me anymore! I'm not - +I won't let her in. I'm sorry, Randy, I'm not gonna let her in. She - Well, I'm not gonna let her in, the way she's behaving. I'm - I'm - Not gonna let me in? +Not gonna let me in? Who knows what you're gonna do in there? I don't want you - +Who knows what you're gonna do in there? I don't want you - What do you mean, what am I gonna do? I'm in the same clothes for two days! I want to get a few of my things! Big deal! +I'm afraid to let her in the house. Oh, you are... +Oh, you are... I'm afraid she's gonna destroy stuff. +I'm afraid she's gonna destroy stuff. Let me in the house! Fucker! +Should I let her in like - ? You ought to be afraid, the way you fuckin' treat me! +If she calms down, I will let her in the house. I am calm! +I am calm! If she calms down... +After all the threats and all the bullshit, it turned out Ginger didn't tell 'em anything. But by then, the Feds didn't need her, anyway. But it was just mine. +But it was just mine. They had all the pieces they needed. +Yeah, thanks for not callin' me a liar. You son-of-a-bitch. You son-of- a Good evening, everyone, I'm Paige Novodor. What should have been a routine licensing hearing turned into bedlam yesterday when the flamboyant Tangiers Casino executive, Sam +...'Ace' Rothstein, accused the state's top gaming officials of corruption. What are you running for, Bob? What are you running for? +What are you running for, Bob? What are you running for? ...and hypocrisy. +...and hypocrisy. Don't you remember? You promised me a fair hearing when you were gettin' comped at my hotel and you were asking me for copies of your bills so - +- you could put 'em on your expense account? In a Wild and unprecedented outburst that followed his gaming license denial, Rothstein followed several... +In a Wild and unprecedented outburst that followed his gaming license denial, Rothstein followed several... Bullshit! Bullshit! +...stunned commissioners into the hallway, where he continued his harangue until his own lawyers and friends urged him to leave. We all have a past. You have a past, I have a past. And my past is no worse than yours. But you guys think you have the right to pass judgement on me. +We all have a past. You have a past, I have a past. And my past is no worse than yours. But you guys think you have the right to pass judgement on me. Long suspected of running the Tangiers without... +Long suspected of running the Tangiers without... ...twenty years in order to find nothin' on me - +...Well, I've got a large family. How many kids do you have? +How many kids do you have? Uh, I'm very proud to say that we have eight children. +Uh, I'm very proud to say that we have eight children. Eight children! +Eight children! No, no, no, no, please, please, please, please, no, please. +No, no, no, no, please, please, please, please, no, please. That's amazing. +That's amazing. There was nothing to it. It was my pleasure. +It won't happen again, Sam. Mr Rothstein. +Loose machines are right back over there. What are they doin' way back there? Bring 'em up here where they belong. You can't even see 'em over there. +What are they doin' way back there? Bring 'em up here where they belong. You can't even see 'em over there. Okay, I'll - +Okay, I'll - What about the progressives with the high jackpots? Where are they? These machines are hidden. +What about the progressives with the high jackpots? Where are they? These machines are hidden. Well... +Well... These are our best machines. They bring all the action. No wonder the drop is off. +These are our best machines. They bring all the action. No wonder the drop is off. Yeah, okay. +Yeah, okay. The action is in the front, not in the back. Bring 'em up front. +The action is in the front, not in the back. Bring 'em up front. All right, I will, I will. +All right, I will, I will. Listen to me very carefully. There are three ways of doing things around here. The right way, the wrong way, and the way I do it. You understand? +Listen to me very carefully. There are three ways of doing things around here. The right way, the wrong way, and the way I do it. You understand? I do understand that. I'll get right on it. And thank you. +I do understand that. I'll get right on it. And thank you. Don't thank me, just do it. You're the Slots Manager. I shouldn't have to tell you this. +Don't thank me, just do it. You're the Slots Manager. I shouldn't have to tell you this. Dang, you are right, Mr Rothstein, I am so sorry. +Four reels, sevens across, three fifteen-thousand-dollar jackpots? Do you have any idea what the odds are? Shoot, it's gotta be in the millions, maybe more. +Shoot, it's gotta be in the millions, maybe more. Three fuckin' jackpots in twenty minutes? Why didn't you pull the machines? Why didn't you call me? +Three fuckin' jackpots in twenty minutes? Why didn't you pull the machines? Why didn't you call me? Well, it happened so quick. Three guys won. I didn't have a chance to call you. +Well, it happened so quick. Three guys won. I didn't have a chance to call you. You didn't see the scam? You didn't see what was goin' on? +You didn't see the scam? You didn't see what was goin' on? Well, there's no way to determine that, Sam. +Well, there's no way to determine that, Sam. Yes, there is. An infallible way! They won! +Yes, there is. An infallible way! They won! Well, it's a casino. People gotta win sometimes. +Well, it's a casino. People gotta win sometimes. Hey... Ward, you're pissin' me off. Now, you're insulting my intelligence. What do you think, I'm a fuckin' idiot? You know goddamn well somebody had to get into those machines and set those fuckin' reels. +The probability on one-four-reel machine is a million and a half to one. On three machines in a row, it's in the billions. It cannot happen... would not happen, you fuckin' momo! What's the matter with you! Didn't you see you were bein' set up on the second win? I really think you're - +I really think you're - You - Wait! You didn't see that you were being set up on the second win? +You - Wait! You didn't see that you were being set up on the second win? I really think you're overreacting in this whole - +I really think you're overreacting in this whole - Listen, you fuckin' yokel, I've had it with you. I've been carryin' your ass in this place ever since I got here. Get your ass and get your things and get out of here. +Listen, you fuckin' yokel, I've had it with you. I've been carryin' your ass in this place ever since I got here. Get your ass and get your things and get out of here. You're firin' me? +You're firin' me? I'm firin' you? No, I'm not firin' I'm firin' you, you - +You might regret this, Mr Rothstein. I'll regret it even more if I keep you on. +I'll regret it even more if I keep you on. This is not the way to treat people. +This is not the way to treat people. Listen, if you didn't know you're bein' scammed, you're too fuckin' dumb to keep this job. If you did know, you were in on it. Either way, you're out! Get out! Go on. Let's go. +...worst possible time for me. A record of the arrests... +A record of the arrests... I had my license hearing coming up and I didn't wanna leave anything to chance. +I had my license hearing coming up and I didn't wanna leave anything to chance. That was nineteen years ago, and they were simple gambling pinches. +That was nineteen years ago, and they were simple gambling pinches. I mean, if I can't work in Vegas, where am I gonna go? +I mean, if I can't work in Vegas, where am I gonna go? You've been very open with us. I mean, uh, your books and papers and... that - that's gonna mean something when you go before the Commission. +You've been very open with us. I mean, uh, your books and papers and... that - that's gonna mean something when you go before the Commission. Well, that's all I ask, gentlemen, a fair hearing. +Ah, yes, here we are. A little craps figures. [Actual amount taken from craps tables before the skim.] Hey - Hey. Green? +We had to make an example of these pricks that the party was over. I'm just curious. I saw you shuffling your checks with your right hand. Can you do that with both hands? +I'm just curious. I saw you shuffling your checks with your right hand. Can you do that with both hands? No. +No. Can't do it with both hands? +Can't do it with both hands? No, Sir. +No, Sir. Can you do it with your left hand? +Can you do it with your left hand? Well, I... I never tried. +Well, I... I never tried. So, you're a righty? +So, you're a righty? Ye-yeah. +Now, you're gonna have to learn with your left hand. God! +Look what they did to my hand, man! All right, I'm gonna give you a choice. You can either have the money and the hammer or you can walk out of here. You can't have both. What do you want? +Excuse me. What? +What? Is this yours? Your pen? +Is this yours? Your pen? Yeah, that's my pen. Why? +Yeah, that's my pen. Why? I ju- Well, it's a nice pen. I just didn't know whose it was. I thought it was yours. I didn't want it to get lost. +I ju- Well, it's a nice pen. I just didn't know whose it was. I thought it was yours. I didn't want it to get lost. Well, thank you. Why don't you take that fuckin' pen and shove it up you ass, you fuckin' jag-off? +I just wanna get out of here. And don't forget to tell your friends what happens if they fuck around in here. You understand? +And don't forget to tell your friends what happens if they fuck around in here. You understand? I'm sorry. I made a bad mistake. +I'm sorry. I made a bad mistake. You're fuckin' right, you made a bad mistake. 'Cause if you come back here - we catch either one of you - we're gonna break your fuckin' heads and you won't walk out of here. You see that fuckin' saw? We're gonna use it. You don't fuck around in this place. You got it? +You're fuckin' right, you made a bad mistake. 'Cause if you come back here - we catch either one of you - we're gonna break your fuckin' heads and you won't walk out of here. You see that fuckin' saw? We're gonna use it. You don't fuck around in this place. You got it? Yeah. +Yeah. Get out of here. +Get out of here. Thank you. +When I left here with the money... Mm. +Mm. ...I got muscled on the street. +...I got muscled on the street. Mm. +Mm. A couple of guys, I owe them. So, that's what I did. I gave 'em the money. That's what I did. +A couple of guys, I owe them. So, that's what I did. I gave 'em the money. That's what I did. Yeah? +Yeah? Yeah. +Yeah. You call yourself a man? You know you're a lyin', low-life, motherfuckin' gambling degenerate prick? You know that's what you are? Two small kids at home. I gave you money to pay the fuckin' rent and buy groceries, put the heat on. You know your wife called Frankie and told him the fuckin' heat's off? +No, no? You didn't? I didn't give 'em the m- +I didn't give 'em the m- Don't fuck with me, Al! Don't make a fuck out of me! You want to embarrass me and make a fool out of me?! You didn't gamble?! Tell me you gambled the fuckin' money, I'll give you the fuckin' money to put the fuckin' heat on! Did you gamble?! Huh?! +Fuckin' kids at home! Here. Get the fuck out of here. Thanks, Nick. +Thanks, Nick. Yeah, thanks. +Hey... you got a minute? Hey. He's got two million in the box, am I right? Okay, you let him keep your jewels. We take the cash and the only other thing he cares about. Huh? Her majesty. We go to Europe. You dye your hair, get some pl- I don't want to go to Europe. I want to go to see The Elephant Man. +I don't want to go to Europe. I want to go to see The Elephant Man. We're not gonna go see any fuckin' elephants, okay? +I don't want to go to Europe. Shut your mouth! +You know where she gets this from! You shut up. +You shut up. No, you - You want me to come over there? I'll smack your face. +I was out there with my cumma [Italian- American slang for 'girlfriend'.] Your cumma? What are you doin' with your cumma? +Your cumma? What are you doin' with your cumma? What else? I gave her a schaff [Italian-American slang for 'tap'.] +You gotta go back there and talk to that guy. Come on, go back there? I never got paid my expenses for the last trip. +Come on, go back there? I never got paid my expenses for the last trip. What expenses? +What expenses? Well, I'm goin' all over, layin' money out of my own pocket, and I never get anything back. What the hell's goin' on? +Well, I'm goin' all over, layin' money out of my own pocket, and I never get anything back. What the hell's goin' on? You gotta go back out there. +You gotta go back out there. Well, then, from now on, I'm gonna start keepin' records. +Well, then, from now on, I'm gonna start keepin' records. Artie, no records, Artie. What are you gonna do with records? Pay taxes? +Artie, no records, Artie. What are you gonna do with records? Pay taxes? Well, I keep layin' out my own fuckin' dough for these trips and nothin' ever comes back. I mean, what hell's goin' on? What are we doin' over here? +Well, I keep layin' out my own fuckin' dough for these trips and nothin' ever comes back. I mean, what hell's goin' on? What are we doin' over here? You're goin' out to Las Vegas, you're havin' a good time at my expense. What the fuck? I mean, after all, you're the one having a good time, not me. +Yeah, that works out. But how much cash could I bury in my closet, right? +But how much cash could I bury in my closet, right? You need to understand, and I - I'm sure you do... that in a venture of this kind, you have to be prepared to take some kind of loss. +You need to understand, and I - I'm sure you do... that in a venture of this kind, you have to be prepared to take some kind of loss. Oh, listen, I understand that there's always a risk... you know, I might have to take a loss somewhere. +Oh, listen, I understand that there's always a risk... you know, I might have to take a loss somewhere. So I put some of the money into legitimate deals with Charlie Clark. He was Ace's banker. +So I put some of the money into legitimate deals with Charlie Clark. He was Ace's banker. I mean, you will try to push it through, won't you, Mr Clark? +I mean, you will try to push it through, won't you, Mr Clark? Yes. +Yes. Well, you gotta understand, I'm giving you fifty thousand cash. +No, I don't want one. Hey, Mr Clark, how you doin'? Hi. Good. +Hi. Good. I've been trying to reach you. You're tougher to get than the President. +I've been trying to reach you. You're tougher to get than the President. Well, I've been busy. +Well, I've been busy. Yeah, least you could do is return my phone calls, though. +Yeah, least you could do is return my phone calls, though. Listen... Nicky... we talked about this... and, uh, I explained to you that there was the possibility you might have to take some kind of loss. +Listen... Nicky... we talked about this... and, uh, I explained to you that there was the possibility you might have to take some kind of loss. Yeah. I think I want my money back. +Yeah. I think I want my money back. What're you gonna do? Strong-arm me? +What're you gonna do? Strong-arm me? You know... I think that you've gotten the wrong impression about me. I think in all fairness, I should explain to you what it is that I do. For instance, tomorrow morning I'll get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and walk in and see you, and, uh... if you don't have my money for me, I'll crack your fuckin' head wide open in front of everybody in the the bank. And just about the time that I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be comin' out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fuckin' head open again. Because I'm fuckin' stupid. I don't give a fuck about jail. That's my business. That's what I do. And we know what you do, don't we, Charlie? You fuck people out of money and get away with it. +You know... I think that you've gotten the wrong impression about me. I think in all fairness, I should explain to you what it is that I do. For instance, tomorrow morning I'll get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and walk in and see you, and, uh... if you don't have my money for me, I'll crack your fuckin' head wide open in front of everybody in the the bank. And just about the time that I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be comin' out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fuckin' head open again. Because I'm fuckin' stupid. I don't give a fuck about jail. That's my business. That's what I do. And we know what you do, don't we, Charlie? You fuck people out of money and get away with it. You can't talk to me like... +You can't talk to me like... Hey, you fat Irish prick. You put my fuckin' money to sleep. You go get my money, or I'll put your fuckin' brain to sleep. +Hey, you fat Irish prick. You put my fuckin' money to sleep. You go get my money, or I'll put your fuckin' brain to sleep. Sam? +Sam? Never mind fuckin' Sam. This is personal. I'll be there in the morning. You can fuckin' try me, fatso. +Go back inside! This is none of your business! I don't have to take your shit all the time anymore. Hey. +Hey. I'll to the FBI! +Mrs Ro- Mrs Rothstein! Okay, shh! He won't... +He won't let me in my own house! Mr Rothstein. Mr Rothstein, I'm sorry. We've got some complaints about - about the noise. +Mr Rothstein. Mr Rothstein, I'm sorry. We've got some complaints about - about the noise. I'm just trying to get in my house! +I'm just trying to get in my house! I understand. +I understand. He won't let me go in my house! +Fucker! Please. +Can I go in? That's not a problem, that's not a p- +That's not a problem, that's not a p- Can I go in? +Can I go in? Jeff, would you go in with her? +Um, I'm gonna need a bag. If you could just ask the guy for a big bag, okay? Go get a bag, man. +Go get a bag, man. And here. Here. +And here. Here. Lady, I can't. I can't. I ca- +No, you can, you can. You've been so nice to me. I can't. +You just - Just stop him. Mr Ro- Mr Roth- Mr Rothstein, where you goin' - +What do you want? It - It's pitch- black out here. It's tin foil. Pitch-black?! It - +Pitch-black?! It - It looked like a fuckin' gun! +It looked like a fuckin' gun! You - You fuckin' moron, I'll be filling out paper work for the next two months because of you and this piece of shit, you... +You - You fuckin' moron, I'll be filling out paper work for the next two months because of you and this piece of shit, you... Oh my God, what are we gonna do? I'm sorry. +Oh my God, what are we gonna do? I'm sorry. ...fuckin' jerk-off. +Hey! Hey! +All right. Okay, okay. Mr Rothstein, why don't we just let her in the house and get a few of her things? That way she'll get out of here. This is half her house anyway. +Hey, Mr Rothstein, it'll make it a lot easier on everybody here if we just let her in the house. If we let her get a few of her things we'll be out of your hair. +Come on. I'm sorry. Okay. +There's nothing we can do. She had the key. She's on the account. There's nothing we can do. +Sir, you're gonna have to leave. You mind accompanying us outside? Bullshit, I ain't goin' anywhere with you! +Bullshit, I ain't goin' anywhere with you! Bullshit, you're out of here, cowboy! +Fuck you! Fuck you! Yeah? +Yeah? You know who you're fuckin' with?! Huh? Do you?! +You know who you're fuckin' with?! Huh? Do you?! Now move along. +Now move along. You fuckin' faggot! Do you know who you're fuckin' with? +Leave me alone! Here we go! +Here we go! You've gotta be kidding me! +You called my friend a faggot? You tell him to go fuck himself? Nicky, I did - +Nicky, I did - Is that what you did? +Is that what you did? I did - I didn't - +I did - I didn't - Tell him to go fuck himself? You fuckin' hick! Fuckin'... +You took your boots off? You put your feet on the table... you shit- kicking, stinky, horse-manure-smellin' motherfucker you! You fuck me up over there, I'll stick you in a hole in the fuckin' desert! You understand? Go over there and apologize. Go! Get the fuck out of - Nicky, I'm sorry. +Beautiful. You got a beautiful swing. Ace got my son, little Nicky, involved with Little League, and it was great. +Ace got my son, little Nicky, involved with Little League, and it was great. Now, I want you to get out there and get me singles and doubles, okay? 'Cause that's what's gonna win this game. +Now, I want you to get out there and get me singles and doubles, okay? 'Cause that's what's gonna win this game. Turned out to be one of the other coaches was a fuckin'... +Turned out to be one of the other coaches was a fuckin'... Now go out there and show your dad what you can do. +Now go out there and show your dad what you can do. ...metro intelligence cop. But it didn't matter. I mean, it was all about the kids, you know. +...metro intelligence cop. But it didn't matter. I mean, it was all about the kids, you know. You know, he's gotta realize everything can't be a home run that he does. +You know, he's gotta realize everything can't be a home run that he does. Yeah, well, that's exactly what I keep tellin' him, but that's the kind of kid he is ever since he's born. +Yeah, well, that's exactly what I keep tellin' him, but that's the kind of kid he is ever since he's born. It's instinctive, you know. +It's instinctive, you know. He tries to do everything... +...in some legitimate places, like my restaurant. Is that the last one? +I had my kid brother, Dominick, run it for me. Fuckers! +Do you see that? Dumb Jew motherfucker. Grew up together and he's actin' like he don't even know me. I know we're supposed to avoid each other, but, you know, there's ways to do things and there's ways not to. Yeah. Fuck him. +Forget about it, Nick. Don't let it bother you. Why, does it look like it's bothering me? What do I give a fuck? Fuckin' Oscar too. All the fuckin' money I've given that prick, he don't even look over here. What's his problem? +He's comin' over. Great! +Oh. We're waiting on Carmine. +We're waiting on Carmine. Yeah, we're lookin' for Carmine. +Carmine left? He's gone? +He's gone? He's not here? +He's not here? Carmine's gone. +Hey, Nicky, how are you? What are you doin' here? I'm over here now. +Yeah, I'm over here with him. Oh. +Carmine? He was here before. I saw him. He had a suitcase and everything, and then he left. Carmine left? +Carmine left? Uh-huh. +I think, you know, maybe he went across the street or somewhere else or somethin'. I don't know. Well, listen, uh... Good luck with the joint, huh? +Well, listen, uh... Good luck with the joint, huh? Oh, thanks, Eddy. +Artie! Calm down! Calm down! +Calm down! Calm down! No, I won't calm down! He's my husband! +No, I won't calm down! He's my husband! Stay out of the way! +Stay out of the way! Artie! Artie! +Artie! Artie! We can't help him if - +We're - we're placing you under arrest for - For what? +For what? We're placing you under arrest for aiding and abetting - +We're placing you under arrest for aiding and abetting - What? +What? We're placing you under arrest for aiding and abetting a - +We're placing you under arrest for aiding and abetting a - But I'm just trying to leave. +Hey, Frankie. How are you? +How are you? Fine, fine. +...I want all the names of all the other people he had with him. And I don't care what you have to do to him to get 'em. You understand? I'll take care of it, Remo. +I'll take care of it, Remo. E mo va! [Italian-American slang for 'Now, go!'] +Frankie... they found a guy's head in the desert. Do you know about that? Yeah, I heard, yeah. +Yeah, I heard, yeah. Yeah. Everybody's talkin' about it. They're makin' a big deal out of it. +Yeah. Everybody's talkin' about it. They're makin' a big deal out of it. I know. +I know. It's in all the papers. +It's in all the papers. What're you gonna do? +What're you gonna do? And I mean... that's no good. +And I mean... that's no good. I know. +I know. You gotta tell him... to take care of things a little better. +You gotta tell him... to take care of things a little better. I'll tell him, Remo. +Frankie, I want to ask you something. It's private... but I want you to tell me the truth. +It's private... but I want you to tell me the truth. Of course, Remo. +Of course, Remo. I want you to tell me the truth, mind you. +I want you to tell me the truth, mind you. I always tell you the truth, Remo. +I always tell you the truth, Remo. Frankie... the little guy, he wouldn't be fuckin' the Jew's wife, would he? Because if he is... it's a problem. +Frankie... the little guy, he wouldn't be fuckin' the Jew's wife, would he? Because if he is... it's a problem. What could I say? I knew if I gave the wrong answer, I mean, Nicky, Ginger, Ace, all of 'em could've would up gettin' killed. +What could I say? I knew if I gave the wrong answer, I mean, Nicky, Ginger, Ace, all of 'em could've would up gettin' killed. Because there's one thing about these old timers: They don't like any fuckin' around with the other guy's wives. It's bad for business. +Because there's one thing about these old timers: They don't like any fuckin' around with the other guy's wives. It's bad for business. So, I lied... even though I knew that by lyin' to Gaggi, I could wind up gettin' killed too. +So, I lied... even though I knew that by lyin' to Gaggi, I could wind up gettin' killed too. No. I ain't see anything like that. +No. I ain't see anything like that. Are you sure? +Are you sure? I'm positive. Remo... things are very fucked up down there, you know? +I'm positive. Remo... things are very fucked up down there, you know? Yeah, I know. That's why I'm asking. You see, my main concern is Nicky. +Yeah, I know. That's why I'm asking. You see, my main concern is Nicky. Hm. +Hm. I want to know... if he's doin' all right. If he's okay. +I want to know... if he's doin' all right. If he's okay. He's good. He's fine. +He's good. He's fine. I'm askin' you, Frankie, to keep an eye on Nicky. Do it for me. +I'm askin' you, Frankie, to keep an eye on Nicky. Do it for me. No problem. +No problem. You see... I wouldn't want to be jeopardizing anything for people who are our friends. You understand? +You see... I wouldn't want to be jeopardizing anything for people who are our friends. You understand? I understand. +I understand. Okay. Frankie, you're a good boy. +You got a round figure on it? Definitely the most important guy in this room. +But back then the bosses didn't give a fuck about whether he enjoyed himself of not. To them, he was a cash register. All they had to do was ring the bell and take the money. Especially Remo, who was a fuckin' degenerate gambler who always lost. Ma che cazzo! +I mean, unless Ace made his bet. That's enough now! +Ace. Keepin' Remo happy with money was the greatest insurance policy in the world. +Hey, Nick. Vien acca. [Italian- American slang for 'Come here'] I'll be right out. +I'll be right out. T'aggia parla. [Italian-American slang for 'I've got to talk to you'] Nicky... See that guy? +T'aggia parla. [Italian-American slang for 'I've got to talk to you'] Nicky... See that guy? Mm. +Mm. Keep a good eye on him. He's makin' a lot of money for us. And he's gonna continue makin' a lot of money for us, so keep a good eye on him. +Keep a good eye on him. He's makin' a lot of money for us. And he's gonna continue makin' a lot of money for us, so keep a good eye on him. Mm. +Mm. Not like your fuckin' friends out there, that... without brains. Okay? +Not like your fuckin' friends out there, that... without brains. Okay? All right. +All right. Uh-huh. Mi raccomando. [Italian- American slang for 'I'm counting on you'] +Uh-huh. Mi raccomando. [Italian- American slang for 'I'm counting on you'] Yeah. +Yeah. Fine. +Fine. Want me to take this for you? +Uh-huh. Good. But I knew how to keep the bosses happy. Whenever they gave me little jobs to do, you know, to send a message, I would carry things out... +But I knew how to keep the bosses happy. Whenever they gave me little jobs to do, you know, to send a message, I would carry things out... And how are things going down there? +Hi, Jennifer. Pleasure. Very nice to meet you. +Pleasure. Very nice to meet you. Hi, how are you? +Hi, how are you? Okay, Sammy. +Tell me. I know it wasn't a nice thing to do but - +I know it wasn't a nice thing to do but - Yeah, no shit. +Well, you gotta understand it. He doesn't know if this guy is shaking you down or taking advantage of you. No! No! I told him all about the guy before we ever got married. This is no fuckin' surprise. +No! No! I told him all about the guy before we ever got married. This is no fuckin' surprise. Oh, you did? I didn't know that. +Oh, you did? I didn't know that. Yeah. He's just a friend of mine I was trying to help, so... so what? +Yeah. He's just a friend of mine I was trying to help, so... so what? You know... the first time I ever saw your guys together... I never saw him so happy. I mean, I know he's a crazy Jew fuck and everything, but... +I never see - You know, I never seen him act like that with anybody else. I think he's crazy about you. I mean, he really loves you. He does. Oh, come on. I went into this with my eyes open, you know. I knew the bottom could drop out at any time. I'm a working girl, right? You don't think I'm gonna go into a situation like this if I don't think I'm gonna get covered on the back end. +Oh, come on. I went into this with my eyes open, you know. I knew the bottom could drop out at any time. I'm a working girl, right? You don't think I'm gonna go into a situation like this if I don't think I'm gonna get covered on the back end. Sure. +Sure. Am I right? +Am I right? I can see that. Sure. +I can see that. Sure. So, he put aside some jewelry for me. A lot of jewelry. +So, he put aside some jewelry for me. A lot of jewelry. You mean, like a lot of expensive jewelry? About how much? +You mean, like a lot of expensive jewelry? About how much? Mm, you want to steal it? +Mm, you want to steal it? No. I - I'm just curious, you know. I was wonderin' how much he would put into a thing like that. That's all. +No. I - I'm just curious, you know. I was wonderin' how much he would put into a thing like that. That's all. I'm told it's worth about a million dollars, maybe more. +I'm told it's worth about a million dollars, maybe more. Well, there you go. But what does that tell ya? A million dollars in jewelry. Does that tell you the guy is crazy about you, or what? +Well, there you go. But what does that tell ya? A million dollars in jewelry. Does that tell you the guy is crazy about you, or what? I should have never married him. He's a Gemini. A triple Gemini... duality. Gemini's the snake. You know you can't trust the snake. I mean it. +I should have never married him. He's a Gemini. A triple Gemini... duality. Gemini's the snake. You know you can't trust the snake. I mean it. I know what you mean. +Listen, Ginger... you know, this is probably not... I don't have the answers anyway... and this is probably not what you want to hear right now, because you're a little upset with Ace. I do. +I do. I understand that. But, you know, I think you should try to make the best of it now. Go slow, you know. See what happens. +I understand that. But, you know, I think you should try to make the best of it now. Go slow, you know. See what happens. He could have killed him! Okay? He could have killed him. +He didn't have to hit him. It's not exactly like I'm sleepin' with the guy! And he makes me sneak around to see my own friends! What the fuck is that all about? Well, I guess it's 'cause he loves you so much. He's jealous and worried. +Well, I guess it's 'cause he loves you so much. He's jealous and worried. He gives a fuck what I do? +He gives a fuck what I do? Look, I'll try to find out what the hell's goin' on. When I see him I'll talk to him. +Look, I'll try to find out what the hell's goin' on. When I see him I'll talk to him. Okay. +Okay. All right? +All right? Yeah. Thanks. +And take it easy with this shit, will you? I mean, this can only make matters worse. Oh, come on. +Oh, come on. You're a beautiful girl. You don't want to ruin your looks. I've seen a lot of girls get shot to hell from this stuff. +You're a beautiful girl. You don't want to ruin your looks. I've seen a lot of girls get shot to hell from this stuff. You're so nice. +You're so nice. Come on, now, I don't want to see you unhappy. +Thanks. Yeah. +Thank you. It's all right. +You just relax. Nobody's killin' anybody, do you hear? No, I really do. I think he's gonna kill me. +No, I really do. I think he's gonna kill me. You just relax, and call me back here in exactly an hour, on this phone, and I'll see what I can do. +You just relax, and call me back here in exactly an hour, on this phone, and I'll see what I can do. Yeah, uh-huh... Okay. +So, I'm gonna call you back in an hour... at this number, and you're gonna be there, right? I'll be there. +I'll be there. And listen, don't do anything else crazy, okay? You all right? Okay. +And listen, don't do anything else crazy, okay? You all right? Okay. Bye. +I mean, listen, two people don't get along, at some point you gotta call it... I mean, it's none of my business, but I ... I think that's what you gotta do. You gotta take it somewhere - Oh, you're right, I know. It's... well, I was just - +Oh, you're right, I know. It's... well, I was just - What? What? +What? What? Nothin'. +Nothin'. What were you gonna say? Go ahead. +What were you gonna say? Go ahead. I don't - +I don't - Tell me what you were gonna say. Go ahead. +Tell me what you were gonna say. Go ahead. Yeah? +Yeah? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, I was thinkin', maybe... you know somebody at the bank... could help me get my jewelry out? There's a lot of money in there. Lot of money in there, and I'd be willing to take care of anybody who helped me out. +Well, I was thinkin', maybe... you know somebody at the bank... could help me get my jewelry out? There's a lot of money in there. Lot of money in there, and I'd be willing to take care of anybody who helped me out. Let me think about that. +Let me think about that. Okay. +Okay. See who I got in there. Gotta get somebody I can trust. +See who I got in there. Gotta get somebody I can trust. Mm-hm. +Mm-hm. You know? +You know? Yeah. 'Cause, you know, He's never gonna give me my jewelry. +Yeah. 'Cause, you know, He's never gonna give me my jewelry. Hm. +Hm. He holds that key so tight, he's probably got it stuck up his ass. +He holds that key so tight, he's probably got it stuck up his ass. Yeah, right. That's Sammy. And he's probably got it there too. +He's so fuckin' lucky. I could have buried him. I could have gone to Europe and taken the baby. And then he'd've tracked me down and he'd've killed me. No, he wouldn't. I would have. And he'd've been right, too. I mean, seriously. Well, there's one thing you don't do. You don't take a guy's kid and then take off. +No, he wouldn't. I would have. And he'd've been right, too. I mean, seriously. Well, there's one thing you don't do. You don't take a guy's kid and then take off. I didn't. I didn't. I mean, I did, but then I did exactly what you told me to do, and I came right back. +I didn't. I didn't. I mean, I did, but then I did exactly what you told me to do, and I came right back. You did. You're right. +You did. You're right. Exactly. +You did. I like that. I like that. That's what I like about you. You did the right thing. I did what you told me to. +I did what you told me to. Yes, you did. +Yes, you did. 'Cause you always tell me the right thing to do. +'Cause you always tell me the right thing to do. Yeah. Boy, he really fucked himself up out here - - didn't he? +Yeah. Boy, he really fucked himself up out here - - didn't he? Sure did. +Sure did. Everything went to his head. +No, he's not. He really thinks who the fuck he is, I'll tell you that. +He really thinks who the fuck he is, I'll tell you that. Exactly. He hates me. +He hates my fuckin' guts. Come on, come on, you're a toughie. You can take this. Don't cry. +Come on, come on, you're a toughie. You can take this. Don't cry. I'm not as tough as you think I am. +I'm not as tough as you think I am. Yes, you are. +Yes, you are. I'm not and he scares the shit out of me. I never know what he's gonna do. +I'm not and he scares the shit out of me. I never know what he's gonna do. Come on. Don't be scared. +Come on. Don't be scared. I need some help. I do. I need some help. You gotta help me. I need a new sponsor, Nicky. +I do. I need a new sponsor. Is that what you want? +Is that what you want? Yeah. +Yeah. A sponsor. +A sponsor. Yeah. +Yeah. Mm... okay. Don't worry about it. Nobody'll fuck with ya anymore. I'll take care of ya. +Mm... okay. Don't worry about it. Nobody'll fuck with ya anymore. I'll take care of ya. Nicky, please... +Nicky, please... Yes, I will. It's what you want, isn't it? Huh? +Yes, I will. It's what you want, isn't it? Huh? Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. +Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's what you want? +It's what you want? Yeah. Uh-huh - +What did I tell you? Supposing he goes back home and makes a fuckin' beef? I gotta know exactly what you said. Tell me what you said to him. Me? I said... nothin'. I said, I said, 'No, no, no.' Everything he said, I just kept sayin' no. +Me? I said... nothin'. I said, I said, 'No, no, no.' Everything he said, I just kept sayin' no. I told you this was fuckin' dangerous. Remember I said, 'Ginger, this is a dangerous situation. Be very careful.' You fuckin' yessed me to death. +I told you this was fuckin' dangerous. Remember I said, 'Ginger, this is a dangerous situation. Be very careful.' You fuckin' yessed me to death. If it's so fuckin' dangerous, then why don't you kill him? +If it's so fuckin' dangerous, then why don't you kill him? I'm not gonna kill him. Shut the fuck up. What, do you know what you're talkin' about? I'm not killing anyb- +I'm not gonna kill him. Shut the fuck up. What, do you know what you're talkin' about? I'm not killing anyb- Oh, well, then, have him killed and get it over with. +Oh, well, then, have him killed and get it over with. Hey, don't be such a fuckin' smartass, will you? I mean, I know the fuckin' guy thirty-five years, I'm gonna fuckin' whack him for you? Fuck... motherfucker! I knew this, I knew it. +Hey, don't be such a fuckin' smartass, will you? I mean, I know the fuckin' guy thirty-five years, I'm gonna fuckin' whack him for you? Fuck... motherfucker! I knew this, I knew it. What about my money? +What about my money? How the fuck am I gonna get your fuckin' money now? You think he's gonna give you fuckin' money? Are you out of your mind?! Look what you just did to this fuckin' guy! If you would have just kept your fuckin' mouth shut! Ah, what the fuck is the use? I should've never got invol- +Ah, you fuck! You're such a fuckin' asshole! Get the fuck out of here. Get out! Get the fuck out! +Get the fuck out of here. I don't need you! I have my own fuckin' money! +I don't need you! I have my own fuckin' money! All right, all right. +I'm going' to the FBI! I'm not scared anymore! All right. Be careful. +All right. Be careful. You fucked with me for the last time! +You fucked with me for the last time! Okay, yeah. +So, what'd you say to that fuckin' jerk anyway? I told him I was Mrs Sam Rothstein. +I told him I was Mrs Sam Rothstein. Well, you might as well get somethin' out of it. +Great. You know, I've got to do some shopping afterwards. Do you want to go? +You know, I've got to do some shopping afterwards. Do you want to go? Well, you know... +...same outfit. But I saw something... +Yes! Thank you. Very nice. +Thank you. Very nice. I told you I was hot tonight. +I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. +Thank you, sir, I appreciate that. Everybody, thanks. Gives some chips as tips to the dealer and box man. Thanks. Take care, Steve. Take chances and drive fast. Ginger, honey. +Come on. What's the matter? +What's the matter? What do you mean, 'What's the matter?' I made a lot of money for you. I want my cut. +What do you mean, 'What's the matter?' I made a lot of money for you. I want my cut. What money? I've seen you stealing from me. +What money? I've seen you stealing from me. What money? Look at this stack of chips. Don't give me that shit. I want my end. +What money? Look at this stack of chips. Don't give me that shit. I want my end. Ginger, I've been watching you all night. You've been stealing from me. +Ginger, I've been watching you all night. You've been stealing from me. Don't give me that shit. I want my money. +Don't give me that shit. I want my money. That bag's full of fuckin' chips you +That bag's full of fuckin' chips you What do you mean 'stole'? I didn't steal anything from you. +Get lost, Ginger! Get lost! Get lost? +Get lost? Yes. +Yes. Get lost? +Get lost? Yes. +Well, how 'bout that? Come on! +All right. Okay? +Okay? Yeah. +Yeah. Where are you goin'? Where are you? You're in that place. Where are you? +Where are you goin'? Where are you? You're in that place. Where are you? I'm here. +I'm here. No, you're not. Where are you? Where are you? +No, you're not. Where are you? Where are you? I'm always here for you. +I'm always here for you. You are. +You are. I am. +Don't make me come there. Answer me. I love you. +Bub-ut, baby, do you know that I love you too? No, Lester. +No, Lester. Do you know that? +Do you know that? Yeah. This is the best thing I can do for my life right now. +Yeah. This is the best thing I can do for my life right now. That's right. +So, it's gonna be okay, isn't it? Promise? +Promise? God... I wish you... +...all the luck in the world. You do? +You do? Yeah, I do. I mean, it's - it's the - it's the best thing you can do right now. I mean this. And you'll have real security. Sweetheart... you're gonna be situated just right in Vegas. +- with stupid braces on your teeth. Okay, then. +Okay, then. Every time I ever see you, that's what I see. +Every time I ever see you, that's what I see. Uh, talk to you later. Bye. +What does that mean? No, I know that look. What does that mean? It means I got the money. +It means I got the money. You got money. That's a - That's a good look. +We'll go later. We're going to Europe. Let the adults talk. You dye your hair... you get plastic surgery, like we talked about. Right? You're the mother. How much do you think he's gonna pay to get this fuckin' kid back? +Don't give me any of your shit! Okay, this has always been a dream, but we're going. Lester - he called you here. +Lester - he called you here. Right. +Right. Here. +Here. He was just on the phone. +He was just on the phone. He called you right here. +He called you right here. I just talked to him. +I just talked to him. So, he knows where you are. That means he's sending some guys over here probably right now. +So, he knows where you are. That means he's sending some guys over here probably right now. Ginger... It means he's sitting by the phone like a dumb-bell, waiting for me to call him back. Now, I - +Ginger... It means he's sitting by the phone like a dumb-bell, waiting for me to call him back. Now, I - That's - Yeah, he's sitting by the phone like a dumb-bell, just waiting for you to call him back. That's what he's - +That's - Yeah, he's sitting by the phone like a dumb-bell, just waiting for you to call him back. That's what he's - He's sittin' by the phone - +He's sittin' by the phone - What do you think we're gonna do? He's probably got guys outside the fuckin' house! +What do you think we're gonna do? He's probably got guys outside the fuckin' house! Get your bag! Come on, get your bag! Get your things! Let's go! +Get your bag! Come on, get your bag! Get your things! Let's go! It's this bullshit. It's just bullshit right here. This is the fuckin' problem, you know. +It's this bullshit. It's just bullshit right here. This is the fuckin' problem, you know. Oh, what bullshit? What, do you want to fuckin' talk it over now? +Oh, what bullshit? What, do you want to fuckin' talk it over now? You're done yakkin', okay? You're done yakkin' now? +You're done yakkin', okay? You're done yakkin' now? Go! Go! Get in the car! Go! +Go! Go! Get in the car! Go! 'Go! Go! Go!' +Just knock it off! Would you two knock it off? Get in the car. She started it. She started the whole thing. I'm just standin' here. +You're not gonna drive. Don't even think you're gonna drive. No, I'm gonna drive. +No, I'm gonna drive. No, I'm not gonna drive with some crazy - +No, I'm not gonna drive with some crazy - You're driving me nuts! +- back to Nigeria. Yeah. Listen... +Listen... ...they're in Penthouse K. +...they're in Penthouse K. They check in alone? +They check in alone? They checked in alone. +They checked in alone. Are they out now? +Are they out now? Yes, don't worry. +Yes, don't worry. All right. +Excuse me, but I folded these things beautifully and I would appreciate a little respect. Jesus Christ! Don't look at me, pal. I gotta live with her. +There's more! I think that's it. +I think that's it. There's more! There's a couple stuck in there. I know there's more. +There's more! There's a couple stuck in there. I know there's more. God, I'm telling you, they're out! +God, I'm telling you, they're out! Come on, damn it. Don't get so defensive. It could be stuck in your hair, you know. +Look, there aren't... There aren't but... Oh, there aren't? What's that? Huh? What's that. There's no more. Thanks, hon. +Hey, how you doin'? Hey. Hey, Sammy, how are you? +Wow. Boy, look at this place, huh? +Boy, look at this place, huh? Incredible. +Incredible. All right. +How many of these you gonna eat, huh? Two. +Two. Two? +Mm-hm. You know why, right? +You know why, right? Yeah. +Yeah. Why? +Why? 'Cause it clogs up your heart. +'Cause it clogs up your heart. What a smart kid you are! Okay, eat. +Well, how come I laid nine? 'Cause you're a jag-off. I would have fuckin' made you lay ten... +Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it, hold it. Here. +Ace saw Vegas one way. You call this guy and tell him I'm comin'? +You call this guy and tell him I'm comin'? Of course. +Smarten up. You jag-off. +...you big fuckin' hick, you. Come here. Come here. Get him up. Come here. Get up. +Get up. Come here, come here. +Come here, come here. Get up. +Get up. You go over there right now and you apologize. You better hope he lets you back in. +Sometimes I used to go along on a heist just for the fun of it. But I didn't like the people I was rippin' off lookin' at me, so I used to turn their fuckin' pictures around. What's takin' so long over there? +What's takin' so long over there? This peter's a motherfucker. +Whenever we got local merch, we'd usually send it to Palm Spring or Arizona... LA. I had a couple of sand niggers out there. You know, Arabs. What, are you gonna have a fuckin' meeting here, or are you gonna buy some diamonds? +I actually turned my bedroom into a bank vault where I kept the choice stuff. She asleep? +She asleep? Every night, on the couch. +Give all the guys in your crew a piece of that? I took care of everybody. +I took care of everybody. Yeah? +You walk past me? Hey. This is Shelly. +Hey. This is Shelly. Hey, Shelly. +And this is Stacy. Stacy. +Stacy. This is Nick. +This is Nick. Pleasure. +...Remo and the guys used to hang out and count their millions. Remo. +I mean, the cops knew, but they didn't give a fuck. I mean, you know, they all worked it out together. Nicky sends his warmest regards. +Fine. Everything's goin' good. ...to a tee. Like the time Tony Dogs... +Yeah, thanks a lot. But he never talked. +...bosses. I mean, they're smokin' their Di Nobilis and they're eatin' a trippa [Italian-American slang for 'tripe'.] and fuckin' suffritt', you know, fried pigs guts? While, if I wanna talk private, I gotta go to a fuckin' bus stop. But, hey, what do they care, as long as I keep sendin' money back. +But, hey, what do they care, as long as I keep sendin' money back. Yeah, but they're complaining. +Yeah, but they're complaining. Let 'em complain. I'm the one who's here. +I do all the work. Somebody don't like it, fuck him. It's up to you. +It's up to you. They want a fuckin' war, I'm ready. +Mm. Fuckin' Jews stick together, don't they? +Fuckin' Jews stick together, don't they? They're havin' a good time too. +They're havin' a good time too. So are we. +He's here. You should pay as fast as you collect, you know. +Sue me, you Jew fuck! Let's get out of here. +Let's get out of here. What? Get out of here? I got a marker comin'. +You must have drunk too much. Go fuck yourself. +He asked me again about you and the Jew's wife. Walk, walk, walk. What'd you say? +Walk, walk, walk. What'd you say? He asked me again about you and the Jew's wife. +He asked me again about you and the Jew's wife. Yeah, what'd you tell him? +Yeah, what'd you tell him? I told him I didn't know nothin'. But Jiggs and, uh, Tony Gorilla said if you did anything, you're fucked up. +I told him I didn't know nothin'. But Jiggs and, uh, Tony Gorilla said if you did anything, you're fucked up. You think he's goin' home, makin' a beef behind my back? +You think he's goin' home, makin' a beef behind my back? Nah. You would've heard somethin'. +Nah. You would've heard somethin'. Yeah, what's to stop him? +Yeah, what's to stop him? I know. I know. +I know. I know. I don't trust him anymore. But they'd never okay anything, you know? +I don't trust him anymore. But they'd never okay anything, you know? Yeah, but they keep askin' about it. +Yeah, but they keep askin' about it. Well, now, sure they're askin'. They earn with the prick. I got a funny feelin' he's gonna start a fuckin' war or somethin'. I'm not sure yet, you know. But I w- You know, but you know what I want you to do? +Well, now, sure they're askin'. They earn with the prick. I got a funny feelin' he's gonna start a fuckin' war or somethin'. I'm not sure yet, you know. But I w- You know, but you know what I want you to do? What? +Who's this guy? Who's this guy? Oh, he ain't nobody. +Oh, he ain't nobody. You know what I want you to do? Get a couple of guys to dig a hole in the desert, then let 'em show you where it's at. +You know what I want you to do? Get a couple of guys to dig a hole in the desert, then let 'em show you where it's at. Angelo and Buster. +Angelo and Buster. Yeah, but I'm not sure yet. +Yeah, but I'm not sure yet. They'll do it. +They'll do it. And when I'm ready, I'll say the words, 'Go see the Jew.' +And when I'm ready, I'll say the words, 'Go see the Jew.' Yeah. +Yeah. And you make it disappear, you know what I mean? +And you make it disappear, you know what I mean? Yeah, just let me know. But you gotta be ready. You know what I'm talkin' about? +Yeah, just let me know. But you gotta be ready. You know what I'm talkin' about? Did I say to do anything yet? I said I'm not sure... I'll let you know. I want to think about it. Where're these pricks at? +Don't know. Dominick said they're in the motel? +Dominick said they're in the motel? Yeah, either that or in the fuckin' bank. I don't know. They're all over the joint. +Calm down, calm down. Shh! Shh. Hide her car in the back! +Whoa. Calm down. Get out. Get out! Get out! +Get out. Get out! Get out! Take it easy! +Take it easy! Why'd I get involved with this fuckin' nut in the first place? Get out! +Why'd I get involved with this fuckin' nut in the first place? Get out! You're gonna fuckin' kill her. Take it easy. +You're gonna fuckin' kill her. Take it easy. Get her the fuck out of here. Get her out of here. +I fucked up, Frankie. I fucked up good this time. Should have never started with this fuckin' broad. Take it easy. What could you do? I mean, she threw herself at you, right? +Take it easy. What could you do? I mean, she threw herself at you, right? I'm in a bad fuckin' spot here. You know that? Bad fuckin' spot. +Frankie! No more! You see? Watch! +Frankie! Frankie, you piece of shit! Fuck you, you motherfuck! +No more fuckin' dirty work! No, no, no, no! +No, no, no, no! Take him out! Take this motherfucker out! +Listen to me, Anthony. I got your head in a fuckin' vise. I'm gonna squash your fuckin' head like a grapefruit if you don't give me a name. Don't make me have to do this, please. Come on. Don't make me be a bad guy. Come on. Fuck you! +Fuck you! This motherfucker, do you believe this? Two fuckin' days and nights! Fuck me? +Oh, God! Give me the fuckin' name! Ch-Charlie M! +Ch-Charlie M! Charlie M? +Charlie M? Charlie M. +Charlie M. Charlie M? You make me pop your fuckin' eye out of your head to protect that piece of shit? Charlie M? You dumb motherfucker! +Charlie M? You make me pop your fuckin' eye out of your head to protect that piece of shit? Charlie M? You dumb motherfucker! Kill me, you fuck, kill me. +Kill me, you fuck, kill me. Kill you, You motherfucker you! Frankie, do him a fuckin' favor. +Tony. Hey. +Hey. How you doin'? +How you doin'? How you doin'? +How you doin'? All right, yeah. You got that thing for me? +All right, yeah. You got that thing for me? What thing? Oh, Nicky... I thought you was layin'. +What thing? Oh, Nicky... I thought you was layin'. I was layin'? No, no, I'm taking it. I was takin' it. +I was layin'? No, no, I'm taking it. I was takin' it. You sure? +You sure? I'm positive. +I'm positive. Well, I'm a little confused here. +Well, I'm a little confused here. You're a little confused? +You're a little confused? Yeah. +Yeah. Maybe if I stick your fuckin' face through this window over here like, you know, you'll - you'll get unconfused. Give me the fuckin' money! +I'm sorry, Nicky. I didn't mean anything by it. Yeah, I know, that's why you had it ready. You thought I was fuckin' layin' it?! +My fuckin' head. Your fuckin' head, huh? Don't fuck around, Tony. +Pardon me, counselor. Before you continue... No, I want to have this marked, Mr. - +No, I want to have this marked, Mr. - ...this, uh, this Commission is prepared to act on a motion denying the Rothstein application. +...this, uh, this Commission is prepared to act on a motion denying the Rothstein application. Denying? +Denying? Do I hear a motion seconded? +Do I hear a motion seconded? Mr. Chairman - +Hey! Oh! Oh, sorry - +Oh, sorry - What's the matter with you? +What's the matter with you? Receipts and bills and... everything's here. +Receipts and bills and... everything's here. Since when do you talk like that? +Since when do you talk like that? I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. There's a lot of people here. +There's a lot of people here. Nance gives me trouble and I'll tell him... screw around with those suitcases and I'll take the eyes out of his frickin' head. +Nance gives me trouble and I'll tell him... screw around with those suitcases and I'll take the eyes out of his frickin' head. Again! +Again! I didn't curse. I said 'frickin' head'. +I didn't curse. I said 'frickin' head'. That's enough. +That's enough. I'm sorry. +I've never trusted him. And you know I got eyes... ...behind my head. They trust that scumbag, I don't. Right now, the way I feel, I'll hit the two of them in the head with a fuckin' shovel. +...behind my head. They trust that scumbag, I don't. Right now, the way I feel, I'll hit the two of them in the head with a fuckin' shovel. All right, take it easy now, take it easy. +All right, take it easy now, take it easy. Mom, I'm sorry, they're beatin' me left and right. Ma, I'm sorry. I'm all upset. +Mom, I'm sorry, they're beatin' me left and right. Ma, I'm sorry. I'm all upset. I know, but that's enough. +I know, but that's enough. You know - You know - You know what they're doin' to me? +You know - You know - You know what they're doin' to me? I know it, I know it. +I know it, I know it. I can't take this no more. Back and forth, back and forth. +I can't take this no more. Back and forth, back and forth. Take it easy, though. +Take it easy, though. All right, all right. But I - I - +All right, all right. But I - I - You'll get a heart attack like that. +You'll get a heart attack like that. You know, I - I'm too upset right now. And - An end has to be put to this. +...everything's comin' out of my pocket. I gotta pay for all these trips back and forth, back and forth. You are right. What can I... +...done right, you gotta do it yourself. Then do it the way you want. +Hiya. That's a lot of money to be counting out in public. Yeah. +Yeah. Why don't I take him over to the office and verify it, huh? +Hi. Having a good time? +Yes, uh... You'll want to count the money in privacy. You know, you don't need... +You'll want to count the money in privacy. You know, you don't need... Uh, I have a plane to catch to Cleveland... Can I get my winnings? +Hey, Hot Stuff. You're still on the clock... Sorry, sir. The Cult is my life and my life is the Cult. By God, Captain God, I shall not fail you.. +The crowd bought it. Crowd always buys it. What do we got? +Do I have to remind everyone that in two days, we'll all be dead. The Cult of Good will be a memory. I don't want to hear about lawsuits or cereals. We have a secret mission... I still have to call my agent--my techno-single just made the hot 100...what's with the phone? +I still have to call my agent--my techno-single just made the hot 100...what's with the phone? You have to dial nine first. +Oh Man, not the sewer, I just had this cape cleaned... It's okay. Let her go. +Have we reached the epi-center? Ayy! Some cat's blocking the periscope. Somebody, give it a swat... +Works for me. I don't know about you, guys, but I'm getting a little buzz off this. +I'm not going to worry about it. We are quite beyond the computer disc. Everything will be over within the next hour or so. Yew'll be ovah in the naxt tehn minutes... +Yew'll be ovah in the naxt tehn minutes... Adonis, be polite. She's a friend. +Cactus, I can't believe you just said all that... Oops--my face must match my cape. And to think we were going to let you go... +I thought we were going to take it easy until the Mission... This looks promising... +Ah, Cats. Now and Forever. Be verwy, verwy, quiet; I'm hunting Catwomen. +You know, nobody likes you... Yeah, all those women who went feline this afternoon...They're so ashamed now.. +He likes you. Kincaid and I have always had similar tastes... In women? +In women? No, in art. I try not bring up women around Kincaid. It's a sore spot between us. Long story.. +No, in art. I try not bring up women around Kincaid. It's a sore spot between us. Long story.. I'll bet. Funny, for some reason, I don't think dogs are supposed to like me. +I'll bet. Funny, for some reason, I don't think dogs are supposed to like me. You say that like an amnesia victim. +You say that like an amnesia victim. Guilty. I am. +Guilty. I am. Ouch. I hope you're not offended by aggressively curious men. +Ouch. I hope you're not offended by aggressively curious men. I don't know. I can't remember. +Strange--you seemed so close. I wonder what's happened since yesterday.. I wonder.. +What's the matter... Nothing, just a jolt of deja-vu. I think I went out with a guy with a dignified British butler--can't remember how it turned out.. +Nothing, just a jolt of deja-vu. I think I went out with a guy with a dignified British butler--can't remember how it turned out.. "I'll bet the butler's name wasn't ""Jeff.""" +"I'll bet the butler's name wasn't ""Jeff.""" You're probably right. +You're probably right. I was wondering, if you're not doing anything tonight...Would you like to go to dinner? I know; a tame suggestion considering the wide variety of miniature golf possibilities available to the Oasisburg citizen--but nevertheless, would you? +How heroic of you... Kincaid got a little frisky last night...So, meet here at eight and go from there? By the way, I'm Brock Leviathan. +Kincaid got a little frisky last night...So, meet here at eight and go from there? By the way, I'm Brock Leviathan. But of course you are. Dinner at Eight. Wouldn't miss it. +But of course you are. Dinner at Eight. Wouldn't miss it. There's a nice cafe down the street...unless you're afraid of this Catwoman prowling around. We can always dine at the mansion, if.. +There's a nice cafe down the street...unless you're afraid of this Catwoman prowling around. We can always dine at the mansion, if.. I'm not afraid. Are you? +You designed Gotham Plaza? The big silver guys pulling on those big silver things... What did you think? +What did you think? Oh, it's superb--I mean if you like that fascist nightmare kind of thing... +Oh, it's superb--I mean if you like that fascist nightmare kind of thing... Hey, hey, the client comes first. You think I want my future children to know their Daddy created Frank's Fun Palace? +Hey, hey, the client comes first. You think I want my future children to know their Daddy created Frank's Fun Palace? I checked out your stuff at the library. Awesome work, really. Why would someone like you want to go out with a...with a..what exactly am I, again? +I checked out your stuff at the library. Awesome work, really. Why would someone like you want to go out with a...with a..what exactly am I, again? You're very special. Selina, I'm not a very good liar. I feel very strongly about you...forgive me use of architecture metaphors, but I instantly know a good foundation when I see one.. +I despise these kind of winds. Sorry, I guess I'm a little on edge. Seems this Catwoman has everyone, men and women, on edge. Don't you feel Catwoman says something about the duality of all men and women... "Stop. We are not having a ""duality"" conversation. ""Ooh, he has a secret side. Ooh, she has a dark side."" Please. Duality is a joke. You get one, do you understand me? You get one life. One shot. I'm so tired of women saying ""I have an inner strength"" or ""Deep down, I'm really ambitious."" ""One day I'll design my own line of clothing and write children's stories, if I can only remember to return the videos I rented last night."" If you are something, then you better be out there doing something. You need to be the same bold thing in the day that you are at night--with maybe a slight clothing change. There is no gray area. The truth is not somewhere in between. There are two sides to every personality, all right--the reality...and the lie. We are not having a ""duality"" conversation." +"Stop. We are not having a ""duality"" conversation. ""Ooh, he has a secret side. Ooh, she has a dark side."" Please. Duality is a joke. You get one, do you understand me? You get one life. One shot. I'm so tired of women saying ""I have an inner strength"" or ""Deep down, I'm really ambitious."" ""One day I'll design my own line of clothing and write children's stories, if I can only remember to return the videos I rented last night."" If you are something, then you better be out there doing something. You need to be the same bold thing in the day that you are at night--with maybe a slight clothing change. There is no gray area. The truth is not somewhere in between. There are two sides to every personality, all right--the reality...and the lie. We are not having a ""duality"" conversation." "So, did you see ""Seinfeld"" last week? That Kramer-guy really makes me laugh." +I'm sorry I went off like that, I get passionate. I--I guess I'm a passionate person. One of those things I had forgotten. When you were a little boy did you want to grow up to be a superhero? What little boy doesn't... My God...it's, it's...Catwoman. +What little boy doesn't... My God...it's, it's...Catwoman. No it's not. +A whip? Now that's going too far! Some of these women have no shame! What's the matter? What are you saying? +What's the matter? What are you saying? Well, it's just that I would think that the woman who is the real, non- imitation Catwoman would be pretty angry at some little amateur minx stealing the whole whip idea. Really angry. +This is insane. Let the heroes handle it. I'd better get you home...I should check on my warehouse to make sure it hasn't been hit... "Your warehouse? Go on ahead--to your ""warehouse."" I'll be okay..." +"Your warehouse? Go on ahead--to your ""warehouse."" I'll be okay..." Are you sure? +Are you sure? I'm sure. +"Selina, did you make it home, all right? I tried calling, but your mother said that there was ""no extension in the Hut."" Whatever that means.." "I got home fine. How's the ""warehouse.""" +"I got home fine. How's the ""warehouse.""" Fine. You're angry. Don't be. The important thing is we're together now.. +Fine. You're angry. Don't be. The important thing is we're together now.. At some sanctimonious celebration of condescension. Nothing like appeasing half the population with a two hour luncheon. +At some sanctimonious celebration of condescension. Nothing like appeasing half the population with a two hour luncheon. Exactly. I don't know what I'd do without you. +Exactly. I don't know what I'd do without you. Uh Brock, today you are without me... +Tonight, somewhere in the city, innocent people will die--but then one of you knows that; for one of you is a vicious pirate-terrorist posing as the beloved superhero Captain God. What did you say? Selina, sit down, the entire city is going crazy...You have to just calm down... +Hmm. Not bad. You're telling the truth. I can tell..How did this.. +No-o. You know, questions like that don't help your cause-- I still can't get over it. I still can't believe you're Catwoman.. +Quite a pair we make. Thank you, Jeff. A couple that battles the forces of evil together is a couple that stays together. Thank you, Jeff. +Oh now, you put up a good fight. Let's change the subject. Where do people who live in Oasisburg go to get away from it all? Somewhere very far away, very quiet, and very... This is all wonderful, Selina, but...But I'm afraid I can not rest until all my sister's killers are brought to justice...That one-armed monster.. +This ring belonged to my sister. I'd love for you to... It would be honor, Brock. Now let's go get this guy... +It would be honor, Brock. Now let's go get this guy... You're serious? You'd help me... +In many ways, that obnoxious creep Cactus was the worst one of all. He got off on giving out pain... We'll hunt him down together... +I thought you said you weren't a very good liar. I lied. +There you are darling...Have we met, Lewis Lane, Oasisburg Times. Oh, how long have you had your own route? +Oh, how long have you had your own route? Can I just say what a classy touch the neon urinals are, Mr. Architect? I just love risking electrocution every time I.. +Women, huh? They do take their time. So..Selina Kyle... +They do take their time. So..Selina Kyle... Selina Kyle...lovely person. +Selina Kyle...lovely person. She has a real spirit. +She has a real spirit. A bit on the suspicious side, don't you think? +A bit on the suspicious side, don't you think? She has reason to be suspicious..Doesn't she? +She has reason to be suspicious..Doesn't she? I suppose she does. +I better go report this in... Oh, you don't have to explain to me where you're going... +Selina, are you okay? Yes, did you call us here for any particular reason? +You're kidding. But it's true! You can call him yourself. +You're right, I wasn't looking to fall in love with a casino worker. I'd given up trying to find anyone. But there was a fire in your eyes that cut right through the air conditioning and through the coldness of my heart. Your uniform, that first time I saw you, was a ghastly cage I vowed to unlock in order to.. +We're waiting. Quiet, Blender Boy. I told you from the beginning, Selina, I'm not a very good liar. I am not Captain God, or whatever else he may be calling himself this month, but when I find out who is--The Man will pay. My sister died in that Museum attack. You can check the Atlanta obituaries. I've tracked these monsters from city to city, waiting for a time to exact my revenge. Why else would I come to Oasisburg and create the most obnoxious casino in the world? +Quiet, Blender Boy. I told you from the beginning, Selina, I'm not a very good liar. I am not Captain God, or whatever else he may be calling himself this month, but when I find out who is--The Man will pay. My sister died in that Museum attack. You can check the Atlanta obituaries. I've tracked these monsters from city to city, waiting for a time to exact my revenge. Why else would I come to Oasisburg and create the most obnoxious casino in the world? Did you ever think that maybe neither of us is Captain God? +I can. That's not an admission of guilt, It's just..I knew you had it in you... It may be time to get the police involved... +I've been looking for you. I've been looking for you. Selina Kyle was right. One of us is a psychotic crusader. +I've been looking for you. Selina Kyle was right. One of us is a psychotic crusader. But then we knew that all along, didn't we... +But then we knew that all along, didn't we... I guess we did. When you were a little boy, did you want to be a superhero? +I guess we did. When you were a little boy, did you want to be a superhero? What little boy doesn't? +You've lost all motor functions. The poison will kill you in ten minutes. Hey, speaking of Wrong Place, Wrong Time. Lewis Lane to the rescue! +Hey, speaking of Wrong Place, Wrong Time. Lewis Lane to the rescue! Priceless...We have a showdown in this alley, right? +Don't you feel so much better now that you know everything? Blink once for yes, twice for.. Boss, we better roll if we're going to hit this place, blow it up, and make that flight.. +Boss, we better roll if we're going to hit this place, blow it up, and make that flight.. Just hold on! I'm not done. There are two kinds of men in the world, Selina. In Category A, you have Me. In Category B is everyone who wants to be in Category A, but are too afraid, too weak..! +God, can you hear me! Wha-at? +Wha-at? Catwomen. Lots of them! +Catwomen. Lots of them! Oh come on, Cactus, be a man! The blimp is still on schedule, right? +I thought cats were supposed to have nine lives, not thirty one! What do you think you're doing? Winning. +Winning. What do you want from me? +What do you want from me? At this point, a nap. Oh by the way, I killed your butler and your dog.. +At this point, a nap. Oh by the way, I killed your butler and your dog.. My dog! +Oh Honey, it's so much better when we do it without the helmet. I've been thinking. I've been thinking about us. I'm sorry I've been so hard no you these past couple days. I realize now it's because you're the only woman who ever understood me and I couldn't handle it! I've never revealed myself to anyone the way I have to you. Let's blow this town together. We'll run a bed-and-breakfast in Vermont by day, and by night, we'll dress up and kill anything that... +I've been thinking. I've been thinking about us. I'm sorry I've been so hard no you these past couple days. I realize now it's because you're the only woman who ever understood me and I couldn't handle it! I've never revealed myself to anyone the way I have to you. Let's blow this town together. We'll run a bed-and-breakfast in Vermont by day, and by night, we'll dress up and kill anything that... Pass! +Pass! You were right all along--the two parts to a person are the reality and the lie. I was making good money as a top architect--but that's not who I am. I'm not an architect, I'm a.. +You were right all along--the two parts to a person are the reality and the lie. I was making good money as a top architect--but that's not who I am. I'm not an architect, I'm a.. I know, I know, a Warrior. You're very annoying..Now tell me how to defuse the bomb you've set.. +Will you please stop fighting? Just let those people die so we can get on with our new lives together! Trust me, one day we'll look back on this day and laugh. You got to admit, it's a lot more fun to be the villain. You might be right, but Fun is overrated. I need something real. +You might be right, but Fun is overrated. I need something real. Well then, let's agree to disagree...Now how about a picture for my scrapbook? +Don't you realize there's nothing you can do, anyway! Nine minutes and it's all over! The Fun Palace is a tomb. No one can get out. And choke on this furball: all doors and windows are blocked, locked, and electrified! Even the glass around the bomb is rigged. Even the skylight? +Even the skylight? "The ""skylight?"" Fool! It's too high for anybody to climb out the damn skylight..." +"The ""skylight?"" Fool! It's too high for anybody to climb out the damn skylight..." "What about ""climbing in?""" +The shopkeeper on 13th street won't drop the lawsuit--He still claims one of the lasers we fired at the Jenkins gang burned down his store.. I hate innocent bystanders. Whine, whine, whine. Will he settle? +"""Dat's gotta hurt!""" He didn't remember to roll up his window... +What's the catch? Ooh, I've read about this philly. She's the one who gave that wimp Batman all those migraines up in Gotham... +Not now, Mammoth. Adonis is right. We've had a good run here--the protection kickbacks from the crime syndicates, the merchandising scams-- Tomorrow night we have a big, violent, complicated and lucrative mission to pull off. We chould be resting up. Resting Up? Sorry Spooky, I've got to go with God on this one. I hate to think we're just in this for the money. Garfield's girlfriend crossed a line last night and she's got to get spayed. We're going out of Oasisburg on a win. +Yeah, this is better than rape. Cactus, sometimes you don't deserve to wear our logo. +Cactus, sometimes you don't deserve to wear our logo. Touchy. Look everybody, it's Casper, the friendly crimefighter... +"What a ""drag.""" """Well done,"" Cactus." +Cactus--shooting a man in the back is not very noble. That is not a man, Captain God. That is Vomit accidentally born with two legs. +That is not a man, Captain God. That is Vomit accidentally born with two legs. Well. I stand corrected. +"Boss-man, what were you going on about last night: ""I am the Law and I am the Danish...""" I don't know what I was saying. I totally phoned it in last night. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately... +Right time. That was kind of fun. She had spunk. Why am I still troubled... +I don't know, Boss, you saw what the big guy did to the last kitty we gave him. How could I forget. Mammoth--go pet the kitty. +God-damn.. What did you say? +What did you say? Sorry man, I didn't mean that personally... +Sorry man, I didn't mean that personally... I know how you feel, humiliated in the hands of a woman. I'd rather eat my soul on a paper plate... +Ah, did you hear that? Spooky loved you... Yeah...pretty gross. Hurry, we've got work to do. +Quite a little performance you gave in the casino today--for me and that other guy. Come on down, let's chat.. I got her... +Car wash, Captain? Absolutely. +"My, the Perpetrator seems to be a bit on the ""Wild"" side.." I'll put that in the report--after you shoot her. +Oh, I wish they wouldn't feed him like that. Now he'll be up all night... +Well, we spent enough time building the damn thing, might as well use it. A bit sadistic, don't you think, Captain...? +Well, you don't see that everyday. Somebody tell me what's the deal with Frida Kahlo here? Just a homeless woman. Wrong place. +You like them, don't you, Boss. Oh, I like her. I like her a lot. I want to save this one for later. Something that tasty you don't eat all at once. Go back to your alter- egos, we'll regroup in the morning. +The Tranquilizer Tranquility will hold for about an hour..where is she? These women are out here on a lark-- Ladies Night at a discotheque. It's not in their blood the way it is for Catwoman...Where is she? I hate it when you get like this. This Catwoman is becoming an obsession. I say we call it a night. Tomorrow is a big day for us... +I hate it when you get like this. This Catwoman is becoming an obsession. I say we call it a night. Tomorrow is a big day for us... What's the matter with you, Spooky, my most trusted comrade? We are warriors! These are the challenges we live for! +I want out of tonight's mission. I can't do it anymore, Captain. I can't let innocent people die to prove our superiority..I can't. Just like a woman. You want out. You're out. +Why are you--I fought for you with honor. Why should it matter if I'm a man or a woman, as long as I'm a good warrior. "Of course it matters! It throws off everything! ""Superhero"" is manhood's highest achievement. Manhood! Your dirty little secret has diseased us to the core. You were my buddy, my comrade-- women aren't buddies, women aren't warriors! You tried to turn the Cult of Good into some after-work softball team! It's time to get thrown from the treehouse..." +I loved you. I know. +You're not a super-hero. You're not even a hero. You're a scary, sick, fake who made a big mistake. You killed someone very special to me.. And...your point? +Hasn't anyone ever taught you that fighting violence with violence solves nothing. "It's a lot more fun than fighting violence with pamphlets. That voicebox of yours is a hoot. Say ""I'm wearing no underwear""--it'll be funny.. You do know you're evil, don't you?" +"It's a lot more fun than fighting violence with pamphlets. That voicebox of yours is a hoot. Say ""I'm wearing no underwear""--it'll be funny.. You do know you're evil, don't you?" A superhero's job is to protect society. Don't blame me if society is a horrible, corrupt joke. +A superhero's job is to protect society. Don't blame me if society is a horrible, corrupt joke. """A superhero's job is to protect.."" Sorry, I can't take you seriously...I overheard you say that tomorrow the Cult of Good will be dead--I should be so lucky--what did that mean?" +"""A superhero's job is to protect.."" Sorry, I can't take you seriously...I overheard you say that tomorrow the Cult of Good will be dead--I should be so lucky--what did that mean?" My, those little ears pick up a lot. The Cult of Good will die heroically preventing a world-class heist. Since we will be the ones performing the heist, our deaths will obviously be fake. But have no fear. There will be many other deaths tomorrow...and those will be quite real. I'm afraid these questions of yours put you in a position not unlike a long-tailed tabby in room full of rocking chairs. +My, those little ears pick up a lot. The Cult of Good will die heroically preventing a world-class heist. Since we will be the ones performing the heist, our deaths will obviously be fake. But have no fear. There will be many other deaths tomorrow...and those will be quite real. I'm afraid these questions of yours put you in a position not unlike a long-tailed tabby in room full of rocking chairs. Oh please, sir, one more. Are you the reporter or the architect? +Oh please, sir, one more. Are you the reporter or the architect? Yes. I am the reporter or the architect. You've been through so much..It looks like you've used up all nine of your lives... +Yes. I am the reporter or the architect. You've been through so much..It looks like you've used up all nine of your lives... I still have one left... +I still have one left... You think so?...Selina? +You think so?...Selina? You've seen me... +How can you say things with such feeling and then turn around and put on a helmet and...Who are you? Were you sitting on my right or my left at the card table? Tell me! Please tell me who you are; you own me that! "I know, I should probably tell you, but I just don't feel like it. To be honest, I'm really angry at you. I admired you so much more when you were purely wicked. I mean, look at you now, running around trying to ""get to the bottom"" of things. Trying to ""save the city."" It's true we're about to do a very nasty deed, but really, what's it to you? Since when do you care what happens to a bunch of pathetic Oasiburgians? You're just not yourself, anymore." +I'm supposed to be taking personality tips from you three? You people were once heroes. You had ideals. You fought for things. Spooky told me so... "Do you have any idea how much superheroes get paid? Zilcho. Urban vigilantes with secret identities operating outside the law. Not exactly the stuff of a W-2 form. If it wasn't for merchandising and corruption and these diabolical ""missions""...There is no such thing as heroes and villains, anymore, Selina. There are only winners and losers. You lost. We won." +Ah, the good guys always triumph in the end. It's what allows our children to sleep at night. You can't get away with.. +Spooky. Spear. +Hello, Spooky. I don't want to hurt you, Catwoman. Yet. After tomorrow, you can do anything you want, but please, just stay out of sight for the next 24 hours. I won't stand by and watch my leader get all emotional over an animal like you. I warn you, don't tempt Captain God when he is angry. Let is complete our mission in peace. +I don't want to hurt you, Catwoman. Yet. After tomorrow, you can do anything you want, but please, just stay out of sight for the next 24 hours. I won't stand by and watch my leader get all emotional over an animal like you. I warn you, don't tempt Captain God when he is angry. Let is complete our mission in peace. Whatever you say...Sis. +Can't you understand--I got tired of being a woman. I wanted the respect that only a cape, boots, chestplate, and a mechanical spear can bring.. You're not strong. You're scared..scared that someone like me will see right through you. Whatever the Cult of Good was, it's not anymore... You don't have to listen to me, just listen to you.. +I heard what you said, Spooky. I can't believe he shot you... Men, huh? +For when the time comes.. For when the..Uh, yeah, thanks, a little gold piece of...gold. Uh... +For when the..Uh, yeah, thanks, a little gold piece of...gold. Uh... And I...I..want you to know our secrets.. +"Oh no, not a computer disc. A computer disc? Oh man, come on, what do I look like? I'm not a crime- fighter, I'm not a detective, what, I'm supposed to find some ""clues"" on this disc. I can't..." The Mission is happening tonight..It's up to you to...to save the City... +The Mission is happening tonight..It's up to you to...to save the City... """Save the City?"" I don't want to save the city, I want to move! Listen, I'm sure the computer disc is pretty fascinating and I can't thank you enough for the little weird gold thingie, but.." +"""Save the City?"" I don't want to save the city, I want to move! Listen, I'm sure the computer disc is pretty fascinating and I can't thank you enough for the little weird gold thingie, but.." You know, my name's not Spooky. It's, it's Rachel. +You know, my name's not Spooky. It's, it's Rachel. Hello, Rachel. I'm Selina. +You Housewives have no idea what we go through! You Career girls have no idea what we go through. +You Career girls have no idea what we go through. "Did you just say ""girls?""" +I'm a good mother! "You mean, ""Consuela"" is a good mother.." +"You mean, ""Consuela"" is a good mother.." How did you know our nanny's name is...Lucky guess! +How did you know our nanny's name is...Lucky guess! What's the name of your child's best friend? +What's the name of your child's best friend? Ask me another one-- +You're late. I've got some good news and some good news. I'm giving you more hours and the new uniforms came in. What's the good news? +You know, Kyle, you're still pretty hot for a pre-Bicentennial babe... """Pre-bicentennial babe?""" +"""Pre-bicentennial babe?""" "Yeah, as in born before..Ooh, I suppose it's ""sexual harassment"" to give a woman a compliment. Sheesh. Come on, gentleman..." +"There you are, Selina. I've been thinking..I have some..""positions"" opening up.." Stop. +Stop. "Oh, what? I offer you a job in implied exchange for physical favors and suddenly it's ""sexual harassment...""" +"Oh, what? I offer you a job in implied exchange for physical favors and suddenly it's ""sexual harassment...""" Can I be frank, Frank? Your entire existence is sexual harassment. I accept there's not much you can do about it. +Hey, you're anti-male. Oh Frank, I'm not anti-male, I'm anti- you. Believe me, there's a difference. Kelly is designing new uniforms for next week. Pay her and thank her. And is it a rule that the hottest places on the planet have the coldest air conditioning. There's something out there called 73 degrees, look into it. +Oh Frank, I'm not anti-male, I'm anti- you. Believe me, there's a difference. Kelly is designing new uniforms for next week. Pay her and thank her. And is it a rule that the hottest places on the planet have the coldest air conditioning. There's something out there called 73 degrees, look into it. "What if I were to say ""You're Fired?""" +"What if I were to say ""You're Fired?""" "What if I were to say ""Your Wife""-- as in does she know of your touching mentor-student relationship with the post-Bicentennial babe working the roulette wheel?" +"What if I were to say ""Your Wife""-- as in does she know of your touching mentor-student relationship with the post-Bicentennial babe working the roulette wheel?" Kelly, get to work on those new uniforms. I'm not running a summer camp here.. +"A genuine woman of mystery in Oasisburg. Amnesia. Bulletholes in exposed stomach badly concealed with body make-up. Beautiful, intelligent eyes that have no business in ""Frank's Fun Palace"" or anybody else's Fun Palace for that matter.." "Uh. ""Thanks?""" +I don't know what came over me. What is it with women and Catwoman? Men have the courtesy to punish the weak, but women love punishing the strong. Don't get me wrong--this Catwoman is a terrifying, subversive menace to everything this community stands for and she must be stopped. It's just, I like her a lot. +What is it with women and Catwoman? Men have the courtesy to punish the weak, but women love punishing the strong. Don't get me wrong--this Catwoman is a terrifying, subversive menace to everything this community stands for and she must be stopped. It's just, I like her a lot. Yeah, she's okay. +Yeah, she's okay. Most articles focus on the first half of her name--describing some feline monster. I want the woman of Catwoman. After all, if it was a man dressed as a cat, the story would be on page 23--just another loony. Oh, I want this one. I want her bad.. +Sorry, I get carried away. Once I become interested in someone, I can't stop trying to figure them out...Amnesia victims are challenging.. I actually got some memory back last night. +I actually got some memory back last night. How much? +How much? Enough. +Enough. Oh now this one is mine... +Oh the hand--my grandfather is inventing a new kind of blender and..You know, I realize I've never officially introduced myself...I'm Lewis Lane. But of course you are. +But of course you are. I was wondering, if you're not doing anything tonight... +I was wondering, if you're not doing anything tonight... I am. Dinner with Brock Leviathan... +I am. Dinner with Brock Leviathan... Ah! Ah!--God no, don't tell me you're one of those women who are attracted to ruggedly handsome and brilliant architects.. +Good morning. Ah! You scared me! How did you know to come here! Have you been spying.. +Ah! You scared me! How did you know to come here! Have you been spying.. No, of course not. You're listed. Not the hut, exactly, but the rest of.. +No, of course not. You're listed. Not the hut, exactly, but the rest of.. Well. I'd let you come in, but the place is a mess... +Next time, call... I thought you'd like a ride to work. You don't own a cat, do you? +Hey, Captain God! What did--? +What did--? You turned around! +You turned around! "Yes, you shouted the words ""Captain God"" at me for no reason..." +"Yes, you shouted the words ""Captain God"" at me for no reason..." Oh, do you turn around every time somebody just shouts at you? +Oh, do you turn around every time somebody just shouts at you? Actually, yes. +Did you try to kill... What? +What? Nothing. How's your hand? +Nothing. How's your hand? About the same. Thanks for asking...Damn blender. Okay, I can't stand it anymore, I'm dying to know--Did you try on some whiskers last night and hit a 7-11 along with all those other women? You had to have thought about it--a Catwoman for a night? +About the same. Thanks for asking...Damn blender. Okay, I can't stand it anymore, I'm dying to know--Did you try on some whiskers last night and hit a 7-11 along with all those other women? You had to have thought about it--a Catwoman for a night? Like you don't know... +Like you don't know... I'm having a hard time picking up your signal this morning--What did you say? +I'm having a hard time picking up your signal this morning--What did you say? I said I saw you last night. What were you doing hiding in that alley, running off when the superhero alarm sounded... +I said I saw you last night. What were you doing hiding in that alley, running off when the superhero alarm sounded... "I was doing my job. At the risk of sounding egotistical, I didn't become the best reporter in the world sitting by the phone. I was chasing tail all night--I was not spying, intentionally, on your hot and heavy date with ""Brock Leviathan, architect."" I can't believe he ordered white wine. You do know white wine is not real wine..." +"I was doing my job. At the risk of sounding egotistical, I didn't become the best reporter in the world sitting by the phone. I was chasing tail all night--I was not spying, intentionally, on your hot and heavy date with ""Brock Leviathan, architect."" I can't believe he ordered white wine. You do know white wine is not real wine..." Hey, I thought... +"I'm afraid last night was the last straw of our city's tourists. The Mayor, in his finite wisdom, is throwing a ""Month of the Woman"" luncheon ball for the public this afternoon to try and calm everyone down. I thought maybe you and I could..." "Go together? Sure, why not? Another date with someone who could be an insane messenger of death for all I know. No offense. Hey, lean over, let me smell your breath..Say in a deep voice, ""A superhero's job is to protect...""" +"Go together? Sure, why not? Another date with someone who could be an insane messenger of death for all I know. No offense. Hey, lean over, let me smell your breath..Say in a deep voice, ""A superhero's job is to protect...""" You're scaring me, Selina. Do it some more. +I give up. I give up.--I can't figure you out. Not gonna try. You can't figure me out. You're the strange one.. +You can't figure me out. You're the strange one.. You are... +You are... Uh-huh.. +Hey, architect--she's joking. Right, Selina? Selina? I'm not through. This will come as a shock. Again, to one of you. I am Catwoman. The Catwoman. +Some reporter I am..all this time my story is right there in front..I have a lot of questions. "Fine, fine, at a later date, I'll be more than happy to talk about my perverse psychological complexities with the one who's not the creep. But for now, I'm drilling inside your brains...I bring up the whole Catwoman thing for one reason. I bit Captain God in the hand and the next day you both show up equipped with big bandaids and wobbly excuses-- ""My grandfather is inventing a new kind of blender..""" +"Lose the smile, Mr. Good Reflexes. We were having a pretty okay time the other night--good food, good conversation--some Catwomen show up and it's ""You need cab fare?; I got to go to my Hideout--Oh, I'm sorry, I mean ""warehouse.""" Not too cool... +Not too cool... Then there's you, Louis, sneaking through back alleys and surprise visiting me at my home..Both of you have been way too frisky from the get- go. I'm actually a pretty amazing person--funny, smart, attractive when I get my sleep--but you two had no way of knowing that-- when I met you both I was basically a morose, depressed amnesiac incapable of any human feeling. The only reason one of you wanted to go out with me is because you knew I was Catwoman. +You know, now that I hear myself tell it, I'm thinking maybe both of you are messing with me. What, you get the Helmet Monday through Thursday, then Brock takes it for the weekend... Okay. Let's get serious. Of course I know the Cult of Good is not good. Ever since I saw what they did in Atlanta, it has been my mission to expose them. I've followed them to Oasisburg and soon will have enough hard evidence to bring them to real justice. That computer disc could be the final piece to the puzzle. This isn't just a story, Selina--another damn Pulitzer--this is my life. +Have you seen the Oasisburg Police? They drive golf carts with little red sirens. We have to do something. What can we do to help, Selina? +We have to do something. What can we do to help, Selina? I'll let you know. +I'm sorry, ma'am, there are no pets allowed in the library... But I'm blind. +But I'm blind. It's seeing-eye dogs, ma'am. If I let the cat stay, will you go out with me? +It's seeing-eye dogs, ma'am. If I let the cat stay, will you go out with me? What if I say I'll go out with you, so you can have all these great daydreams, but then never actually talk to you again? +What if I say I'll go out with you, so you can have all these great daydreams, but then never actually talk to you again? Okay, deal. +Okay, deal. """I'll go out with you."" Now go get me these old newspapers..." +You're late. Yes, Mother. Dear. +A hearty breakfast is the start of a great morning... Oh, I forgot to tell you, you're on a diet...The fact you're still reasonably pretty is the one thing you got going for you. +Oh, I forgot to tell you, you're on a diet...The fact you're still reasonably pretty is the one thing you got going for you. Oh Mommy, you're embarrassing me. +Oh Mommy, you're embarrassing me. "Is every single thing out of your mouth since your ""accident"" have to be a monotone mumble of cheap sarcasm?" +"Is every single thing out of your mouth since your ""accident"" have to be a monotone mumble of cheap sarcasm?" Maybe. +Maybe. "It's funny, I've heard of giving up finding a man and raising a family to pursue a career. And I've heard of foregoing a career to start a family-- but I think you're onto something new, Selina. ""Absolutely nothing""-- Has a ring to it. I think it could catch on...How's that for sarcasm?" +"It's funny, I've heard of giving up finding a man and raising a family to pursue a career. And I've heard of foregoing a career to start a family-- but I think you're onto something new, Selina. ""Absolutely nothing""-- Has a ring to it. I think it could catch on...How's that for sarcasm?" Pretty good...Mom, I don't want you to think I don't appreciate...letting me stay, getting me the job--I've been a mess. I'm still a mess. It's just...we have to start having a different conversation. I can't take.. +I'll take your abuse, but it's way too early for the sanctimonious Cult of Gag... Oh, so now even the keepers of the city don't meet your standards...You're late. +Don't sneak up on me... Uh, it's just--that woman out there-- that horrible Hag. She's the one who keeps following me on her creepy little scooter--And now she's built a hut in the back..Why did you... +Uh, it's just--that woman out there-- that horrible Hag. She's the one who keeps following me on her creepy little scooter--And now she's built a hut in the back..Why did you... "Because she asked me--and I couldn't very well turn her down. Don't you remember-- of course you don't remember--that ""Hag"" is the one who brought you to that hospital in Gotham City. For what it's worth-- currently not much--we owe her your life...When I think about a single woman in Gotham City--amnesia is probably the best thing that could happen to a girl like you...Oh, don't forget your visor." +Where were you last night? I didn't hear you come in. It's because I didn't come in. I live in the Hut, now. I meant to tell you..See ya. +Mom? Oh Mom, I messed up... "What kind of name is ""Brock Leviathan?""" +"What kind of name is ""Brock Leviathan?""" I never thanked you..the arrow..the motorcycle..the computer disc..You're so different from what I..and so the same. +I never thanked you..the arrow..the motorcycle..the computer disc..You're so different from what I..and so the same. Yes, I'm pretty amazing. You should see this...It came this evening. +They're going to attack Frank's Fun Palace! I hate it when you let your hair just hang like that...you have such pretty eyes... +I hate it when you let your hair just hang like that...you have such pretty eyes... Mom, not now! I, I don't know what to do.. +Mom, not now! I, I don't know what to do.. Yes, you do. You have to go rescue all those people... +Yes, you do. You have to go rescue all those people... But I'm not a hero. I'm nobody's heroine..I'm nothing. You've said so yourself many times. +But I'm not a hero. I'm nobody's heroine..I'm nothing. You've said so yourself many times. Do you always listen to what your mother says? Selina. Something you choose your life. Sometimes your life chooses you. Save the day.. +Do you always listen to what your mother says? Selina. Something you choose your life. Sometimes your life chooses you. Save the day.. I don't know if I can do it alone. +I don't know if I can do it alone. Trust me, you won't have to. +What's a powerful man like you standing all alone for? Dance with me? I'm sorry, Miss, one of us needs to keep surveillance... +I'm sorry, Miss, one of us needs to keep surveillance... Oh pooh, come now. If you turn me down, I just might throw a fit..you know how us girls can be.. +What's it like being a superhero? It must be frightfully exciting..How did you guys all get together? We met on the Internet. The Captain put out a cryptic message calling for a new order of crimefighters. We don't even know each other's true identities... +You seem sad, Spooky. I'm not sad, no, I owe the Captain my life. It's just you think you want to help prevent crime, but you realize that's too complicated. It's a lot more fun to punish crime. Then after a while, you don't care what's a crime and what's not, what you became a Warrior for. You just want the kicks. The rush. +I'm not sad, no, I owe the Captain my life. It's just you think you want to help prevent crime, but you realize that's too complicated. It's a lot more fun to punish crime. Then after a while, you don't care what's a crime and what's not, what you became a Warrior for. You just want the kicks. The rush. The kicks..the rush..you mean, like pulling heists..faking your own deaths..killing innocent bystanders...like Mexican angels. I know you're a woman. Do you? +You're the One. I thought I told you to stay hidden behind the couch, CAT! You've torn the unit apart. You've driven a great leader insane... You going to talk all day? +Nice breasts. Thanks. +Hey Buddy! Can you let me pull over? Give me some space to pull over. Where do you think you're going? +Where do you think you're going? Any place. +Any place. This is one way. +This is one way. I know. But it's an emergency. Somebody dying. Okay? +I know. But it's an emergency. Somebody dying. Okay? I don't see anybody in there but you. +I don't see anybody in there but you. I would appreciate a little space. Thank you. +Was someone in an accident? Do I hear a woman's voice? +I'm sorry for whatever's happened to you but we're definitely not the right people to do you any good. Don't you have children? +Don't you have children? Matter of fact I did have a kid once. But he's a lot better off with his father in Milwaukee. +What are you doing on Theo's line? Taking messages. +Taking messages. He ran out on me to be with you? Well fuck him! Everything worked twice as good without him. We didn't need him then and I don't need him now. +He ran out on me to be with you? Well fuck him! Everything worked twice as good without him. We didn't need him then and I don't need him now. I'm sure he'll be heartbroken. +I'm sure he'll be heartbroken. I know he's there! He doesn't even have the balls to pick up the phone! +I know he's there! He doesn't even have the balls to pick up the phone! I won't let him. He belongs to me now. Bye, sweetie. +Be careful. There were people in that crosswalk. That's all we need. Better let me drive. +Have you got to tell her your life story? This is my conversation. I'll say what I fucking please. +This is my conversation. I'll say what I fucking please. Wake up. Make a right at Ocean Avenue. The hotel's a few blocks up on the left. +What if they do question the authenticity? Oh. Seems yours girlfriend is casting doubts on your expertise. +Oh. Seems yours girlfriend is casting doubts on your expertise. I am not! Fuck you! Theo's a genius. +I am not! Fuck you! Theo's a genius. Any trouble, we whip out our Treasury Department badges -- show them the wire I'm wearing and read them their rights. Theo seizes the Krugerands as evidence. Naturally they start negotiating. Offer to give us up somebody else. And we listen. Take notes on who bought what stolen art and tell them we have to clear it with our superiors at Justice. We pick up their passports -- escort them to their room and leave them all in the bathroom handcuffed to the plumbing. +Who's on the phone? I'll explain later. I'm sort of on hold. +What was that for? You could've made me lose my call. +You could've made me lose my call. So what? What could be important enough to put your hands on me? +So what? What could be important enough to put your hands on me? I didn't hurt you. +I didn't hurt you. You couldn't hurt me. But it's the principle. +Say something ... Me, he won't stay on the phone with for five fucking minutes without bitching. +Me, he won't stay on the phone with for five fucking minutes without bitching. I'm trying to help somebody. Okay? +I'm trying to help somebody. Okay? "He's at it again. Like that night at the Emerald. This piece of Euro-trash is slapping shit out of his little wife in a back booth -- so Mr. Good Deed here has got to step in and pound the fucker's head into the wall. Meantime ""Wifey"" recovers enough to pull off her high heel and nearly take our hero's eye out. It took six stitches." +"He's at it again. Like that night at the Emerald. This piece of Euro-trash is slapping shit out of his little wife in a back booth -- so Mr. Good Deed here has got to step in and pound the fucker's head into the wall. Meantime ""Wifey"" recovers enough to pull off her high heel and nearly take our hero's eye out. It took six stitches." How was I in the wrong? +I know where it is. Give me that phone back. I'm not finished. Under other circumstances I'd gladly go out of my way. I don't understand why you just don't phone some other person. +I'm not finished. Under other circumstances I'd gladly go out of my way. I don't understand why you just don't phone some other person. She can't! It's busted. Now hand that on back! +She can't! It's busted. Now hand that on back! Theo wants to talk again. +Theo wants to talk again. Did you have to tell her my name? +Will you two cut it out? This Mercedes of yours, what's it look like? +He's right, Theo. She might not be around to back up your story. You could end up in the middle of this. Look -- I've got the lives of maybe three innocent people hanging on the end of this line. +I know you feel awful but it's not your responsibility. Then whose is it? +Then whose is it? You gotta just look the other way. +You gotta just look the other way. I'm sorry. You'll do all right without me. Keep my share. +Are you guys all right? You could've killed us. +You could've killed us. It was the fugitive in the Chrysler that caused this. We were trying to overtake him. +It was the fugitive in the Chrysler that caused this. We were trying to overtake him. No reason to kill innocent bystanders. Shit. I can't hardly move my neck. +No reason to kill innocent bystanders. Shit. I can't hardly move my neck. We've already got an ambulance on the way. Don't try to get out. +We've already got an ambulance on the way. Don't try to get out. I'm not staying in here with him puking all over the place. Get this door open! +Now that'd be a misdemeanor. I got to get going. An agent is showing me a house up on Broad Beach in ten minutes. +I got to get going. An agent is showing me a house up on Broad Beach in ten minutes. They'll wait. Meantime, raise the lid. +What'd you do? Tail me from Brentwood? Why would I do that? +Let's have your license, mister. I'm going to level with you officer. +What's this? See for yourself, federal agent, U.S. Treasury. On the job. +Lady, don't let him do it! You got it wrong. I'm the one that's on your side. +You got it wrong. I'm the one that's on your side. You almost brain me and lock me in a fucking trunk and you're on my side? You stupid fuck! +Nels reporting in. Sit down where you are. Arms folded. Yes sir. +In case you crapped out it was my job to go after that briefcase. Or relieve me of it later. +Or relieve me of it later. Only I was sloppy. I let you take me out. That was quite a humiliation. +You missed. Any time you decide to let me in on it. +How do we get back to the freeway? Bear right till the fire road ends. It's not far. +Yeah, I suppose getting whacked has got to be one of your best ways to die. Particularly if you're not expecting it. You don't know what hit you. Can you make him stop! +Can you make him stop! Mind letting me make the best of a rotten situation? +Which is why we had a lot more to worry about than the law. These are people who don't worry about reading you your rights. I'm the one they'd be looking for. +I told you I should've cuffed him. I want the gun emptied. I want to see all six slugs tossed up here. And then I want out. That's all. OUT! +He's seen both of us now. Look, I've got a wife. I don't care if either of you ever get caught. +Look, I've got a wife. I don't care if either of you ever get caught. What else did you expect him to say? Do it, Theo -- or give me the gun. +It took you long enough to get my ass out. With all those holes Nels pumped in I knew you wouldn't suffocate. +With all those holes Nels pumped in I knew you wouldn't suffocate. You can tell she was really worried about me. +I prefer to have the sucker die at a more convenient location. Once Nels arrives with his backpack full of goodies. So Theo and Nels will appear to have whacked each other out and we never existed. A thing of beauty. Jesus, the shit you come up with! +Now turn around. I'm going to cuff you. Put those away. We can't have marks on his wrists. +Put those away. We can't have marks on his wrists. You never miss a trick. +You never miss a trick. I'll see that he stays calm. Pack the money up and put it in the trunk. +You switched license plates? It's taken care of. +It's taken care of. We have never worked a gig together but I am a firm believer in preparation. So let's go over this again step by step. +We have never worked a gig together but I am a firm believer in preparation. So let's go over this again step by step. Not this minute. +That was definitely out of line and totally unprovoked. I heard you were a hitter. Bullshit. +Bullshit. "That's your ""rep.""" +"That's your ""rep.""" Wait! I hear her breathing now. There, she just picked it up again. +What do you mean tip the cops? Is the man a lunatic or what? Will you relax? This in no way affects our business. Go on. +Just hand up on the bitch! Fuck you, madam. And goodbye! That's what I deserve for listening in the first place. +I don't like anybody laying their hands on me. Just like they say; no fucking self control. +Just like they say; no fucking self control. If you know that just back off. +If you know that just back off. Shit. There's the hotel. You overshot the driveway. +Shit. There's the hotel. You overshot the driveway. And stop with the directions. +And stop with the directions. "Make a ""U"" and go back." +"Make a ""U"" and go back." That's illegal. You want us pulled over? I'll turn around at the corner if you'll shut the fuck up. +That's illegal. You want us pulled over? I'll turn around at the corner if you'll shut the fuck up. You're doing all the talk. +We still gotta run the drill before we walk in that lobby. Go ahead then. I'm covering the receiver. She can't hear. +Go ahead then. I'm covering the receiver. She can't hear. First off, this Mr. Chow Yen doesn't speak a lot of English. The girl with him will interpret. There will be a third person to accompany you into the men's room where you can take count. I hope you know Krugerands better than they know a Hockney. +First off, this Mr. Chow Yen doesn't speak a lot of English. The girl with him will interpret. There will be a third person to accompany you into the men's room where you can take count. I hope you know Krugerands better than they know a Hockney. I improved on the fucking original. +I improved on the fucking original. Let's hope so. Once you come out and okay everything I'll give Caitlin the sign that she can bring the painting on over. +Let's hope so. Once you come out and okay everything I'll give Caitlin the sign that she can bring the painting on over. It's rolled up in the tube on the floor back there. +Got your badge? Satisfied, Wiseass? +Satisfied, Wiseass? In any event, whatever occurs you do not belt anybody. +In any event, whatever occurs you do not belt anybody. What do you keep making me out to be? +Okay, okay, Lenore, calm down. Either let me call the school or better yet, the F.B.I. Sure -- and they record your voice. And later on we all get slammed for kidnap and murder. That's out! +I thought you said you could handle him. I'm doing fine. Theo wants to deal. +Nels, don't let that cop pass you. What am I supposed to do? +Lose the hardware now. We'll toss it when we make the blind curve. +Don't fuck around. Pop a cap in him. Allow me. +He took it like a man. Toss him in that drainage ditch. There's a taxi stand here. I can meet you. +Nels? I'm still in my cab -- jammed up in traffic. Are you there yet? +I'm still in my cab -- jammed up in traffic. Are you there yet? Any minute. +Any minute. I was worried about you. Both of you. +I was worried about you. Both of you. We've had our share of fuck-ups but it's going to work out fine. +We've had our share of fuck-ups but it's going to work out fine. Give me 20 minutes at least. +Do I know you? I've been trying to get someone -- anyone. For hours ... +I've been trying to get someone -- anyone. For hours ... If this is some sales pitch I'm not buying -- +If this is some sales pitch I'm not buying -- You don't understand. +You don't understand. No. You don't understand! You caught me on my cellular on the way to pick up some business associates. And I've got no time to screw around. +No. You don't understand! You caught me on my cellular on the way to pick up some business associates. And I've got no time to screw around. Will you let me explain! +Will you let me explain! And what're you whispering for? +And what're you whispering for? I can't talk any louder. They might hear. +Lady, try making some sense. You may be our only chance. I don't know if I can do this again. +You may be our only chance. I don't know if I can do this again. What'd you do! Just pick my number out of the air? +What'd you do! Just pick my number out of the air? They smashed the phone. I've been clicking the loose wires together hoping it'd make a connection. +They smashed the phone. I've been clicking the loose wires together hoping it'd make a connection. Who smashed the phone? +Who smashed the phone? They're holding my husband downstairs. +They're holding my husband downstairs. Sure. And they left you upstairs to make phone calls? +Sure. And they left you upstairs to make phone calls? They gave me pills to make me sleep. They didn't realize how much Seconal I'm used to -- that I'd have so much tolerance -- +They gave me pills to make me sleep. They didn't realize how much Seconal I'm used to -- that I'd have so much tolerance -- "Well I'm not tolerant of being bothered with this bullshit story when I'm about to make the most important score of my life. This has gotta be some ""put-on,"" right?" +"Well I'm not tolerant of being bothered with this bullshit story when I'm about to make the most important score of my life. This has gotta be some ""put-on,"" right?" I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to do this to you. +I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to do this to you. You're not doing anything to me -- because -- listen to this carefully -- I do not care. +You're not doing anything to me -- because -- listen to this carefully -- I do not care. I don't believe you. +I don't believe you. You're the one who's not to be believed. +You're the one who's not to be believed. My name is -- +My name is -- I don't want to know -- +I don't want to know -- My name is Lenore Oberfeld. +My name is Lenore Oberfeld. Don't expect me to tell you who I am. +Don't expect me to tell you who I am. I realize you don't want to be involved. +I realize you don't want to be involved. I am not involved. Keep clicking your little wires. You'll get someone else. Good luck. +I am not involved. Keep clicking your little wires. You'll get someone else. Good luck. You won't disconnect. +You won't disconnect. Oh won't I? +Oh won't I? Because you know you'll be killing us. +Because you know you'll be killing us. Don't lay this on me! +Don't lay this on me! Then hang up! Do it! +Why would anybody want to hurt you? They tortured my husband. Made him give them the pin numbers of our accounts. Once they get what's in the safe deposit box they'll kill us. +They tortured my husband. Made him give them the pin numbers of our accounts. Once they get what's in the safe deposit box they'll kill us. Where'd they take you to? +Where'd they take you to? I have no idea. They put us in the back of a van with blacked out windows. The shutters up here are nailed shut. +I have no idea. They put us in the back of a van with blacked out windows. The shutters up here are nailed shut. Well isn't there a number on the goddam phone? +Well isn't there a number on the goddam phone? No -- nothing. +Okay. The police are gonna need your full name and address. No! No police. They'll know right away the authorities are looking for us. They'll kill us. We've seen their faces. +No! No police. They'll know right away the authorities are looking for us. They'll kill us. We've seen their faces. The cops could trace this call back to you. +The cops could trace this call back to you. One of them is a cop. +One of them is a cop. What makes you say that? +What makes you say that? He pulled us over as we left the Riviera Tennis Club. Claimed we'd run a stop sign. And when Elliot was reaching for his license -- +He pulled us over as we left the Riviera Tennis Club. Claimed we'd run a stop sign. And when Elliot was reaching for his license -- Who? +Who? Elliot -- our driver. The officer put his gun to the back of Elliot's head and -- fired. It was so quick. +Elliot -- our driver. The officer put his gun to the back of Elliot's head and -- fired. It was so quick. Oh man. These people mean business. +Oh man. These people mean business. Then they took the Mercedes away -- with his body in it. +Then they took the Mercedes away -- with his body in it. Listen, there's an overpass coming up. I may lose you for a minute. +No don't. You could lose me for good. Don't go through that tunnel. I'm in traffic. There's no place to turn. +I'm in traffic. There's no place to turn. Please. +Please. Shit! +Fine, no tunnel. Are you still with me? Hello? I hear them coming upstairs. I won't be able to talk for awhile. I have to lay the phone down and pretend to be asleep. So don't talk. Don't say a word or they'll hear it. +I hear them coming upstairs. I won't be able to talk for awhile. I have to lay the phone down and pretend to be asleep. So don't talk. Don't say a word or they'll hear it. I can't stay on this line. I'm picking people up. I'm already overdue. Hello? +I'm fine. She's back on. Hello? I'm here. They just walked out. The smaller man -- he must be Dominican or Haitian -- he kicked me so hard. I felt a rib crack but I never made a sound. It's starting to hurt now -- real bad. A throbbing. I can't even take a deep breath. +They just walked out. The smaller man -- he must be Dominican or Haitian -- he kicked me so hard. I felt a rib crack but I never made a sound. It's starting to hurt now -- real bad. A throbbing. I can't even take a deep breath. Don't move around. You don't want to puncture a lung. +I'm with two friends now. Rachel! They're going after Rachel now -- and I can't stop them. +Rachel! They're going after Rachel now -- and I can't stop them. Stop throwing names at me. +Stop throwing names at me. Rachel, my daughter. She's an honor student at Parker. My God, she's only nine. +Rachel, my daughter. She's an honor student at Parker. My God, she's only nine. What do they need her for? +What do they need her for? They know Jack will give them what they want once they have her. +They know Jack will give them what they want once they have her. Bottom line! There's nothing I can do for you but tip the cops. +The bigger man is driving our Mercedes to the school. Rachel will recognize the car. She'll get right in. Let me call the school -- tell them not to let her go. +Let me call the school -- tell them not to let her go. They don't know you. They won't listen. +He's right. You'll get my whole family killed. He's right? Look, don't try to put blood on my hands. You've got one hell of a nerve siding with him! +"""Theo?""" Forget who I am. Where's this school located? +Forget who I am. Where's this school located? 26th off Wilshire. +26th off Wilshire. Even if I got there first she wouldn't go with me. +Even if I got there first she wouldn't go with me. She would if she heard my voice on the phone. +Why isn't anyone answering me? Just hang on. I've got a life of my own. +Will you please speak to me! Theo? Another minute. +Hello? It's just me and you again. What about the others? +What about the others? I kind of dropped them off. They were getting on my nerves. +I kind of dropped them off. They were getting on my nerves. What are you doing now? +What are you doing now? What do you think I'm doing? I'm on my way to the school like you wanted. +What do you think I'm doing? I'm on my way to the school like you wanted. Forget about us. Just save Rachel. +Forget about us. Just save Rachel. Tell me what she looks like. +Tell me what she looks like. They say she resembles me -- dark hair, ponytail, very dark eyes. They all wear the same uniform. Please. Be careful. The man driving the car must have a gun. +They say she resembles me -- dark hair, ponytail, very dark eyes. They all wear the same uniform. Please. Be careful. The man driving the car must have a gun. I'm not looking to get myself killed. I just hope the battery on this phone holds out. +Where's the fucking recharger cord? Must be in her car, dammit. How much time do you have left on it? +How much time do you have left on it? I don't know. 80 or 90 minutes, tops. +I don't know. 80 or 90 minutes, tops. Why didn't you do what your friends wanted and just -- get rid of me? +Why didn't you do what your friends wanted and just -- get rid of me? I don't know. I hung up on somebody else a long time ago, and later on I wished I hadn't of. +I don't know. I hung up on somebody else a long time ago, and later on I wished I hadn't of. A woman? +A woman? Hey drop it, okay? +Hey drop it, okay? I didn't mean to open up any old wounds. +I didn't mean to open up any old wounds. "It never healed. I called her a lying bitch and everything else and I hung up on her. ""Click."" You don't exist." +"It never healed. I called her a lying bitch and everything else and I hung up on her. ""Click."" You don't exist." And that was the end of it? +And that was the end of it? I sure as hell got my wish. She doesn't exist. So maybe you reached the appropriate person after all. +I sure as hell got my wish. She doesn't exist. So maybe you reached the appropriate person after all. I'm sorry if I caused you to lose your business deal. +I'm sorry if I caused you to lose your business deal. Well you did. +What do you do for a living? Sometimes I paint. +Sometimes I paint. Our house always needs touching up. +Our house always needs touching up. Pictures. +Pictures. I didn't mean to insult you. You're an artist. +I didn't mean to insult you. You're an artist. They say my work is somewhat derivative. +I suppose if you're a struggling artist you need a patron. Lady, you don't have to keep up a running commentary. +Lady, you don't have to keep up a running commentary. I'm afraid if I stop talking I'll lose you. Just name any reasonable amount and it's yours. +I'm afraid if I stop talking I'll lose you. Just name any reasonable amount and it's yours. Shit, stop with the money! I never asked for a nickel. I was just doing this. And you have to fuck it up with a price tag. +Shit, stop with the money! I never asked for a nickel. I was just doing this. And you have to fuck it up with a price tag. I didn't mean to. It's just the way I am. +I didn't mean to. It's just the way I am. A price on everything. +A price on everything. I wasn't always like that. I don't think I was. +I wasn't always like that. I don't think I was. I'm about ten blocks from the school. +I'm about ten blocks from the school. I have no right to ask for help. I've never thought of anybody but myself. +I have no right to ask for help. I've never thought of anybody but myself. That makes two of us. +That makes two of us. You're breaking up. I can't hear you. Theo? +There are cables overhead. Hang on. It'll clear up. I've lost you. You're gone. I can't hear anything. +Make a right. You can't miss it. I'm making my turn. I see the school up ahead. +Lenore, I'm here. I'm getting out. I can hear you again, clearly. +I can hear you again, clearly. Great. Stay with me. There must be a hundred kids out here. +Does she have a red ribbon on that ponytail? That's not her. +Does she wear glasses? No. +No. I've got to ask somebody. +What's happening? She's gone -- +She's gone -- Don't say anything. Don't alarm them. Just go! +Don't say anything. Don't alarm them. Just go! I'm trying to. +He's copying down my license -- for all the good it'll do him. It's not your fault, Theo. You tried. +It's not your fault, Theo. You tried. I should've put them out of the car and come sooner! +I should've put them out of the car and come sooner! When Jack sees they've got Rachel HE'LL tell them what they want to know. +You said they wanted to get into some particular safety deposit box? The one in Brentwood. +The one in Brentwood. What bank? +What bank? The City National on San Vincente. +Wait just a minute. Our luck has changed. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Black Mercedes, 600S. +I'm not doing too well. What's the matter? I heard someone pulling in behind the house. I heard Rachel screaming and then she stopped all of a sudden. I don't know what they did to her. +I heard someone pulling in behind the house. I heard Rachel screaming and then she stopped all of a sudden. I don't know what they did to her. Which means you can't be more than five or ten minutes from here. +Which means you can't be more than five or ten minutes from here. Even if you found us -- what then? +Even if you found us -- what then? I'm cutting across to Bundy to Brentwood. That bank is our best bet. If anybody shows up I could follow them. +I'm cutting across to Bundy to Brentwood. That bank is our best bet. If anybody shows up I could follow them. Jack will negotiate with them. He'll identify the right key and give them the information they need to gain access and they'll let Rachel go. +Jack will negotiate with them. He'll identify the right key and give them the information they need to gain access and they'll let Rachel go. Not a chance. +Not a chance. Don't say that. +Don't say that. Do you know what's in that box? +Do you know what's in that box? I'm not supposed to -- but I do. Millions in cash and bearer bonds. +They'll recognize it's not your husband. Jack was only at that branch once when he took the box years ago. +Jack was only at that branch once when he took the box years ago. They've still got to be able to sign his name. +They've still got to be able to sign his name. It's not hard to do. I do it all the time. +It's not hard to do. I do it all the time. I'm pretty good at signatures myself. +I'm pretty good at signatures myself. Oh my God. I heard her scream again. What are they doing to her? Why can't I do anything to stop them? +Oh my God. I heard her scream again. What are they doing to her? Why can't I do anything to stop them? You're doing what you can. Why's all this money stashed? +You're doing what you can. Why's all this money stashed? To hide it from the I.R.S. +To hide it from the I.R.S. How come everybody turns out to be a crook? +How come everybody turns out to be a crook? Don't talk. Don't talk! +Don't talk. Don't talk! What's going on? +What's going on? The front door slammed. Someone went out. There's a different car starting. +The front door slammed. Someone went out. There's a different car starting. I might still get there first. The lights are with me. How would I identify the guy who shows up at the bank? +I might still get there first. The lights are with me. How would I identify the guy who shows up at the bank? If it's the tall man -- he had one of those hair transplants. Tufts, you know. It still hasn't grown fully in. The other one is from the islands. Braided hair -- very dark. +If it's the tall man -- he had one of those hair transplants. Tufts, you know. It still hasn't grown fully in. The other one is from the islands. Braided hair -- very dark. It won't be him. +It won't be him. Theo, I want you to know, you're probably the most decent man I've ever met. +Theo, I want you to know, you're probably the most decent man I've ever met. Yeah, sure that's me. Ask anybody. +Yeah, sure that's me. Ask anybody. But I guess we haven't really met -- have we? +But I guess we haven't really met -- have we? I've got a lot of respect for you too. For the way you feel about your family. +I've got a lot of respect for you too. For the way you feel about your family. Jack hasn't loved me for years. And now I'm afraid she's turning out to be like him. So cold and distant. I've let him make her like that. +Jack hasn't loved me for years. And now I'm afraid she's turning out to be like him. So cold and distant. I've let him make her like that. Why tell me this? +Why tell me this? Because you're probably the last person I'll ever talk to. +Because you're probably the last person I'll ever talk to. You can't give up. +You can't give up. When they first started questioning Jack -- he answered them in that tone he usually reserves for me. And they began beating him. And I watched. And I didn't feel anything ... What kind of a person am I? +Did you jiggle the phone? No. +No. Did you hear that click? +Did you hear that click? Yes -- I think so. Another crossed line? +Yes -- I think so. Another crossed line? Or somebody else there is listening in -- +Or somebody else there is listening in -- Downstairs. There must be an extension. Oh my God -- +Downstairs. There must be an extension. Oh my God -- Don't panic. I might be wrong. Hello? I guess I was wrong. +No. I hear them. They're coming upstairs. They know! Try what you did before. It worked before. I won't talk anymore. +Yes? Yes? Hi Lenore. It's me. I got you back. Courtesy of Star 69. Are you hurt? +Hi Lenore. It's me. I got you back. Courtesy of Star 69. Are you hurt? They dragged me downstairs. I thought they were going to kill me. +They dragged me downstairs. I thought they were going to kill me. Lucky for them they didn't. +Lucky for them they didn't. What did you do? +What did you do? I had a little encounter at the bank and our Mr. Transplant ended up under the wheels of a Chevy. +I had a little encounter at the bank and our Mr. Transplant ended up under the wheels of a Chevy. God, if he doesn't come back -- +God, if he doesn't come back -- I'm in possession of the bag he was carrying. And I'm in a position to negotiate. What about your husband and your child? +I'm in possession of the bag he was carrying. And I'm in a position to negotiate. What about your husband and your child? They're tied with duct tape so they can't speak -- but they seem to be -- +Thank you. God bless you for helping us. Are you okay? +Are you okay? They wrapped tape around my wrists and ankles. +They wrapped tape around my wrists and ankles. That's coming off. How about the girl? +That's coming off. How about the girl? She's awake but she hasn't spoken. I don't know what they did to her. I don't want to think about it. +She's awake but she hasn't spoken. I don't know what they did to her. I don't want to think about it. Your husband? +Your husband? He's in back. Lying face down. They haven't hurt him anymore -- but he was crying. I never heard Jack cry before -- +He's in back. Lying face down. They haven't hurt him anymore -- but he was crying. I never heard Jack cry before -- You're all three of you in that van? +You're all three of you in that van? Yes. +Yes. Now you're going to do just what I tell you to. No discussion. No hesitation. +Now you're going to do just what I tell you to. No discussion. No hesitation. Yes sir. +Yes sir. Put the man back on. +Lenore -- you promised you'd follow instructions. We're almost there. Simply get out when they slide the van open and walk to me. I'm not leaving my daughter behind. Not with them. +I'm not leaving my daughter behind. Not with them. She's next. In two or three more minutes she'll be free. +She's next. In two or three more minutes she'll be free. I can't do it. +I can't do it. Don't start thinking about it. Is the tape off? +Don't start thinking about it. Is the tape off? Yes. +Yes. Can you walk? +Can you walk? Yes. But I want Rachel to come with me. +Yes. But I want Rachel to come with me. They won't allow that. It's one at a time. And you have to be first. +They won't allow that. It's one at a time. And you have to be first. Why can't it be her? +Why can't it be her? She's a child. She might panic. She doesn't know me. She might not come to me. She might just run. +She's a child. She might panic. She doesn't know me. She might not come to me. She might just run. All right. Now that you explain it I see that you're right. +All right. Now that you explain it I see that you're right. Once you're in the car with me she's sure to come to us. +Once you're in the car with me she's sure to come to us. I'm sorry. You've thought this out better than I ever could. I'm ready now. +Rachel -- Oh my God. Just start walking. Come on. Walk to me. +It's locked. Shit. I'm sorry. +Rachel was terrified when I left her. I could see it in her eyes. She'll be with you soon. They're pulling up. They'll realize I kept my part of the bargain. +She'll be with you soon. They're pulling up. They'll realize I kept my part of the bargain. She'll never be the same. None of us will. +She'll never be the same. None of us will. Include me in that. +Now I have -- it's a long story. Why didn't you just shoot them? +Why didn't you just shoot them? Because a lot of people would've gotten killed. Probably all the wrong ones. +Because a lot of people would've gotten killed. Probably all the wrong ones. You're going to let them get away with this? +You're going to let them get away with this? We've almost got your husband and your daughter out. So don't get any ideas. +We've almost got your husband and your daughter out. So don't get any ideas. They tortured us. And you're going to let them have all that money? +They tortured us. And you're going to let them have all that money? So far they're keeping their part of it. +So far they're keeping their part of it. They put their hands all over me. +They put their hands all over me. Somehow I got along better with you on the phone. It's all there isn't it? +For Christ sakes don't point it at me. We want to get Rachel out of there in one piece. I'm waiting for the girl. Her mother wants to talk to her. Hand me the phone. +He had a gun. I have it now. Why are you telling him that. Are you crazy? +Why are you telling him that. Are you crazy? The rest of the money is here in the car. Why don't you come and get it? +You're not Lenore Oberfeld. There isn't any such person. +There isn't any such person. Whose money is this? +Whose money is this? It belongs to the man you took it from. Or should I saw stole it from? +It belongs to the man you took it from. Or should I saw stole it from? The guy with the transplant. +The guy with the transplant. Jack Oberfeld in person. Did you kill him? +Jack Oberfeld in person. Did you kill him? Damned if I know. +Damned if I know. The video cameras will put you with him in the bank, and I'll bet there were enough witnesses. +The video cameras will put you with him in the bank, and I'll bet there were enough witnesses. At least one. +At least one. Plus they'll remember you going after his daughter at school. +Plus they'll remember you going after his daughter at school. You timed that beautifully. +You timed that beautifully. They always pick Rachel up early on Thursday. +They always pick Rachel up early on Thursday. I got what I fucking deserved. I had it all. I could've kept going! +I got what I fucking deserved. I had it all. I could've kept going! As they say -- no good deed goes unpunished. +As they say -- no good deed goes unpunished. And all that crap about your driver being murdered by a cop -- +And all that crap about your driver being murdered by a cop -- I thought it was inspired. +I thought it was inspired. There was no cop involved. Oh shit! Fuck! +Sit completely still with both hands on the wheel -- until they get here. "Why pick me to be your ""mark?""" +"Why pick me to be your ""mark?""" Nobody's easier to con than a con man. +Nobody's easier to con than a con man. You knew about me. +Who's in back? L.A.P.D. +L.A.P.D. Shit. You couldn't be in much worse shape. +Your friends are probably still on the line. Pick it up and say hello. There's no way out for you. You have to deal with us. +There's no way out for you. You have to deal with us. Assure them that you're being well treated. +Tell them I'm keeping what's left. I earned it. I probably killed some poor bastard for it. He seems to think he's entitled to it all. +He seems to think he's entitled to it all. Not all. They already have a third. The question is how much of that are they willing to give to get you back? +Not all. They already have a third. The question is how much of that are they willing to give to get you back? You won't shoot me. That's not your style. +You won't shoot me. That's not your style. We might hit a bump and the gun might go off. Ever see that Tarantino movie -- where Travolta blew that guy away in the back seat -- purely by accident? +We might hit a bump and the gun might go off. Ever see that Tarantino movie -- where Travolta blew that guy away in the back seat -- purely by accident? Do you have to point that? +Do you have to point that? Absolutely. And Topanga Canyon has a hell of a lot of potholes if I recall. +Absolutely. And Topanga Canyon has a hell of a lot of potholes if I recall. He seems to be headed for Topanga. +He seems to be headed for Topanga. I'm not trying to lose them. Nor am I exceeding any speed limits. +I'm not trying to lose them. Nor am I exceeding any speed limits. The one thing you don't want is to attract the police. +The one thing you don't want is to attract the police. Granted, the cops are not an alternative. Certainly not with one of their own still locked in my trunk. +Granted, the cops are not an alternative. Certainly not with one of their own still locked in my trunk. I don't hear him moving around anymore. +I don't hear him moving around anymore. Those shots your associates got off may not have done him too much good. That's on their head. All I did I was put him there. +Those shots your associates got off may not have done him too much good. That's on their head. All I did I was put him there. A typical fuck-up. +A typical fuck-up. What's that supposed to me? +What's that supposed to me? I knew you were a loser the first night I laid eyes on you. +I knew you were a loser the first night I laid eyes on you. You, I would've noticed. +You, I would've noticed. Oh no, you were too busy trying to keep some Croatian from slapping the shit out of his girlfriend. She showed her gratitude by almost taking your eye out with her spiked heel. +Oh no, you were too busy trying to keep some Croatian from slapping the shit out of his girlfriend. She showed her gratitude by almost taking your eye out with her spiked heel. You were at the Emerald that night? +You were at the Emerald that night? Naturally you didn't learn your lesson. +Naturally you didn't learn your lesson. I guess I ought to stop seeing woman as victims. +I guess I ought to stop seeing woman as victims. I think it was my tone of voice more than anything else that sold you. And when you thought I was being kicked around, I wish I could've seen your face. +I think it was my tone of voice more than anything else that sold you. And when you thought I was being kicked around, I wish I could've seen your face. You're enjoying this too much. +Now you're starting to sound like a victim again. You could've hit me. +You could've hit me. Only in the leg or the thigh. You'd live but you just wouldn't wear shorts. +Only in the leg or the thigh. You'd live but you just wouldn't wear shorts. You wouldn't -- +You wouldn't -- Yes I would. Not kill you. But blow off a few toes, absolutely. I'm entitled to that as retribution. It'll help you to remember me in years to come -- every time you put on stockings. They must have prosthetic toes by now -- with little nails on them you can polish -- +Yes I would. Not kill you. But blow off a few toes, absolutely. I'm entitled to that as retribution. It'll help you to remember me in years to come -- every time you put on stockings. They must have prosthetic toes by now -- with little nails on them you can polish -- Stop talking like that! +Stop talking like that! Then scream for me. A repeat performance. Let me see how easy you can turn it on. Scream! I want to hear you scream for me! +I'm still okay. Inform him the fee is seventy-five large for your return. All parts intact. +Inform him the fee is seventy-five large for your return. All parts intact. He wants 75 back. +He wants 75 back. Plus names, addresses and I.D. for the lot of you. We're in this together and I need to know who my partners are. In case I ever need to roll over on somebody. +Plus names, addresses and I.D. for the lot of you. We're in this together and I need to know who my partners are. In case I ever need to roll over on somebody. Did you hear that? +Did you hear that? Let me talk to him. Hold the phone to my ear -- but don't nudge me. +It could be a fire. This is Malibu. No, there's a police car way back there. See it, in the distance coming around the turn? The van is blocking it now. +No, there's a police car way back there. See it, in the distance coming around the turn? The van is blocking it now. What's Nels' number? +What's Nels' number? 259-7881. +259-7881. Dial him up. We need him to run interference. +Do you think they'll walk away? Ask them. +They'll have units blocking us up ahead. That's why we're turning off onto a fire road. +That's why we're turning off onto a fire road. Some people fall apart in a pinch. But you shine. +What's happening? I can't hear. Now there's a siren. They must be in an ambulance. What about the money? Nels? +I can't hear. Now there's a siren. They must be in an ambulance. What about the money? Nels? Wonderful feeling of security knowing your adversaries are both crippled and unarmed. +Wonderful feeling of security knowing your adversaries are both crippled and unarmed. The money, Nels ... ? +Any idea where you're going? I was sentenced to a youth camp out here when I was fourteen. We cleared some of these same roads. +I was sentenced to a youth camp out here when I was fourteen. We cleared some of these same roads. They did some great job of reforming you. +They did some great job of reforming you. That's where this Chicano correctional officer first taught me to slap paint on a canvas. I could copy any fucking thing he put in front of me. +That's where this Chicano correctional officer first taught me to slap paint on a canvas. I could copy any fucking thing he put in front of me. Think you could do a picture of me? +Think you could do a picture of me? "I had it in my mind what you'd look like. ""Her,"" I could've painted. You, I'd be afraid to turn my back to mix the colors." +Developer ran out of money years back. I'd hate to think about what's living in there. Why are we stopping? +Why are we stopping? I need a break. I've been on a marathon run ever since I had the misfortune to strike up a conversation with you. +Who'd ever think, to look at you? As a child I hated being told how sweet I looked. That angelic little face wasn't me at all. I had to hurt people to prove to them they had the wrong image. Sometimes words were enough -- but I wasn't beyond inflicting physical pain in order to be taken seriously. I enjoyed seeing the shock on their poor faces when they realized who I was. That same look you gave me when I turned the gun on you. +As a child I hated being told how sweet I looked. That angelic little face wasn't me at all. I had to hurt people to prove to them they had the wrong image. Sometimes words were enough -- but I wasn't beyond inflicting physical pain in order to be taken seriously. I enjoyed seeing the shock on their poor faces when they realized who I was. That same look you gave me when I turned the gun on you. You've had a lot of fun with me today. What would you have done if I hadn't responded to your call? +You've had a lot of fun with me today. What would you have done if I hadn't responded to your call? We had a backup plan. But I knew you'd come through for me. +Yeah, I was waiting for that suggestion. Sooner or later you'll learn to trust me. +Sooner or later you'll learn to trust me. "How about ""later?""" +What's really on your wicked little mind? The cop in the trunk -- he could still be alive. +The cop in the trunk -- he could still be alive. That's a reasonable possibility. +That's a reasonable possibility. He might've heard everything we said in the car. +He might've heard everything we said in the car. What's your point? +What's your point? We can't leave him to repeat anything. +We can't leave him to repeat anything. Which one of us is elected to do the deed? +Which one of us is elected to do the deed? You're the man with the gun. +You're the man with the gun. Naturally. +Naturally. Naturally. +Naturally. Maybe your friends already accomplished that chore for us. +Maybe your friends already accomplished that chore for us. Only one way to find out. +I'm going to cuff you and leave you in that house. It may take awhile but you'll be found after we're long gone. That's not good enough. +That's not good enough. That's how it's going to be. +I'm handling it. He let the fucking cop out -- but he won't -- +Both hands on your lap. Nothing but CDs in there. I thought maybe you'd like some Celine or Whitney. +Just sitting here listening to her voice does it to me all over again. No harm admitting I fell in love with the sound of you. That's a skill you acquire when you do fantasy phone sex for a living. I must've had thirty regulars salivating at 4.99 per minute. +Some nice fantasy you all cooked up for me. Took preparation. +Took preparation. Exactly who was this Oberfeld? +Exactly who was this Oberfeld? Local lawyer for Dominican dealers. Off to buy a half interest in a mall in Granada Hills on their behalf. +Know what else is in here? Take your hand out of there. Slowly. +Think about what's going to happen to your valuables when that trunk flies open at 75 miles per? You won't live to see it. +You won't live to see it. It's going to be some fucking snowstorm. +It's going to be some fucking snowstorm. Pull over! Pull over someplace. +Five ... six. Toss them -- one at a time. I don't want to lose count. +I picked the wrong number when I chose you ... didn't I? Turns out you did me a favor. You're looking at a rich man. +Turns out you did me a favor. You're looking at a rich man. -- The phones, Theo. Don't leave any of them behind. The cops could pull up a record of all our calls and -- find you. +I've got ... one last number for you, Theo ... I don't want it. +I don't want it. My fence in San Francisco ... 305-4410. Maurice. Don't take less than a third on the face value of those bonds. +My fence in San Francisco ... 305-4410. Maurice. Don't take less than a third on the face value of those bonds. Sure, like I'm gonna take advice from you. +Sure, like I'm gonna take advice from you. I told you ... sooner or later you'd have to trust me ... +Thank God -- thank God I've got you. Who is this? +Who is this? You mustn't hang up. +Oh God -- Oh no -- Help me -- Don't let me -- Die. Didn't we play this scene before? +Didn't we play this scene before? Don't leave me here to die -- Theo, please -- you can't let me die -- +Don't leave me here to die -- Theo, please -- you can't let me die -- I'm afraid I've used up all my good deeds for the day. +Who are you working for? I'm self employed. What kind of cut did the hairy one have? +I'm self employed. What kind of cut did the hairy one have? Twenty percent. +Twenty percent. Fine. I want half. Plus the release of the family. +Fine. I want half. Plus the release of the family. Whatever you say. +You're making it too easy. You got time on your side. Pretty soon they'll be missed and we'll have the law up our ass. +You got time on your side. Pretty soon they'll be missed and we'll have the law up our ass. They saw you kill the driver. +They saw you kill the driver. You're up on your details, aren't you? +You're up on your details, aren't you? You can rely on them to keep quiet because this is undeclared money that could land Jack there in federal prison. He can't afford for you to get caught and have this briefcase appear as evidence. +You can rely on them to keep quiet because this is undeclared money that could land Jack there in federal prison. He can't afford for you to get caught and have this briefcase appear as evidence. Keep talking. +You're walking away with a clear fifty percent and a guarantee nobody can afford to I.D. you. There are no guarantees in this life. +There are no guarantees in this life. Granted. But I don't believe they're grieving enough for their chauffeur to piss away their own futures. +Where do we meet? It's a nice day. How about the beach? +It's a nice day. How about the beach? Pass. +Pass. A large stretch of empty space with no place to hide. Temescal Canyon parking lot. +A large stretch of empty space with no place to hide. Temescal Canyon parking lot. What time frame have you got in mind? +What time frame have you got in mind? It should take me twenty minutes. Where are you coming from? +It should take me twenty minutes. Where are you coming from? We can be there. +I want you all in one vehicle. Your van. If I see anybody else cruising around I'll keep going. No second chances. You can kill them and I'll keep what I've got. Some loyalty. +Some loyalty. There's no loyalty at the expense of my own ass. +There's no loyalty at the expense of my own ass. Tell the lady to relax. Tell her I can't wait to meet her in person. +Tell the lady to relax. Tell her I can't wait to meet her in person. She's somewhat damaged in the shipping. But nothing makeup won't cover. +She's somewhat damaged in the shipping. But nothing makeup won't cover. Got a phone in that van? +Got a phone in that van? Sure. +Sure. Take my number. When you see me -- call me and I'll walk you through the exchange. It's 308-9962 -- Repeat it back. +Take my number. When you see me -- call me and I'll walk you through the exchange. It's 308-9962 -- Repeat it back. 308-9962. +308-9962. Beats yelling our brains out across some parking lot. +Beats yelling our brains out across some parking lot. You're getting a lot of mileage out of that cellular. +You're getting a lot of mileage out of that cellular. I wish it had never been invented. +I'm here. Where are you? We don't see you. +We don't see you. I'm three quarters of the way up the lot behind the concession stand. +I'm three quarters of the way up the lot behind the concession stand. Stay there. +Stay there. I don't want you within two hundred feet. Park down by the lifeguard station. Nobody gets out. +I don't want you within two hundred feet. Park down by the lifeguard station. Nobody gets out. It's your call. +It's your call. "Fucking ""A"" it is! Any argument and I'm out of here." +"Fucking ""A"" it is! Any argument and I'm out of here." Just relax. +Just relax. I don't need to relax. The woman. Put her on. +I don't need to relax. The woman. Put her on. You'll see her. +You'll see her. I don't want to see her later. I want to hear her now. +I don't want to see her later. I want to hear her now. Talk to the man. +Satisfied? You already tried to pull one little number on me -- and it didn't work. +You already tried to pull one little number on me -- and it didn't work. I don't know what you mean. +I don't know what you mean. I still don't see you. +I still don't see you. "We're waiting for the light to cross the highway. It just changed. We're in a grey van. It reads ""Noble Carpet Cleaners.""" +We're waiting on you. Then just wait. I'm counting this all out and deducting my share. While I'm at it you can be getting that tape off the lady. And her little girl. +Then just wait. I'm counting this all out and deducting my share. While I'm at it you can be getting that tape off the lady. And her little girl. It's in the process. +It's in the process. I make my end of the cash at 184,000. Now I'm trying to figure out the bonds. What the face value is. +I make my end of the cash at 184,000. Now I'm trying to figure out the bonds. What the face value is. You should've done all this before. +You should've done all this before. I'm not accepting criticism today. Now don't make me lose count. There's already a half million in this portfolio. +I'm not accepting criticism today. Now don't make me lose count. There's already a half million in this portfolio. Her husband said there'd be one million eight. So nine hundred to you. +Her husband said there'd be one million eight. So nine hundred to you. My pleasure -- +My pleasure -- Be careful in disposing of them. You'll have to discount 'em. You'll be lucky to clear a hundred and a quarter. +Be careful in disposing of them. You'll have to discount 'em. You'll be lucky to clear a hundred and a quarter. Thanks for the sound advice. Now ask the woman to get out of the van and walk over here. Alone. +Thanks for the sound advice. Now ask the woman to get out of the van and walk over here. Alone. Negative. +Negative. You'll still have the girl and the husband. +You'll still have the girl and the husband. And not a nickel. +And not a nickel. Soon as Mrs. Oberfeld is in my car I'll toss out your first third. Then I'll back up 200 feet to behind the public restroom. +Soon as Mrs. Oberfeld is in my car I'll toss out your first third. Then I'll back up 200 feet to behind the public restroom. And then? +And then? You pull up -- collect your first installment. Then you let the daughter go. When she reaches me, I'll dump out another third. Same action. I back up again -- you pull forward. Satisfy yourself it's there. Then we do it one last time. The final exchange. And we go our separate ways. +You pull up -- collect your first installment. Then you let the daughter go. When she reaches me, I'll dump out another third. Same action. I back up again -- you pull forward. Satisfy yourself it's there. Then we do it one last time. The final exchange. And we go our separate ways. And they run straight to the cops who start looking for our van. +And they run straight to the cops who start looking for our van. I won't let 'em. +I'm opening the side door. She'll step out. But before she gets in your vehicle I want to see the first installment put down in plain view. If it isn't there I'm shooting her in the back. Are you trying to panic the women? +Are you trying to panic the women? That's how it is. You see her approaching you toss out installment one. +That's how it is. You see her approaching you toss out installment one. I'm tying it up in a bundle now. Where is she? +Stop the crying. She's yours. What are we waiting on? +She's yours. What are we waiting on? I'm backing up. +Count it. Don't worry. +Don't worry. Next I want to see Rachel. Put her on the phone before she gets out so her mother can tell her exactly what to do. Keep her calm. Tell her you're fine and that she can join you in this car. +Seems like it. Put the girl on. +Yeah. Why don't we? What are you planning to do when they got here? They'll kill us. They'll kill Rachel. +What's he doing? Answer me! Better reassure him. +Who am I talking to? "Call me ""Nels.""" +"Call me ""Nels.""" Okay Nels, you can always keep what you've got and haul ass leaving the lovely lady for me to worry about. I'll bet she can be friendly when it's in her best interests. +Okay Nels, you can always keep what you've got and haul ass leaving the lovely lady for me to worry about. I'll bet she can be friendly when it's in her best interests. If you're looking for a quickie all you've got to do is ask. +If you're looking for a quickie all you've got to do is ask. "I think I've already had a ""quickie."" Thank you." +If he pulls me over he gets all the proceeds plus Lenore here. And if you ditch us we get zilch. +And if you ditch us we get zilch. Sure, I end up with some cash. And a lot of bonds I don't know how to dispose of. +You're going to have to see to it that both lanes of this road get blocked. The fuck I will! +The fuck I will! It's in your interest, Nels, since the additional passenger in my trunk -- an LAPD officer is probably carrying a few bullets in him traceable to the piece you're carrying. Tell the man. +You researched me. You know where I live. She'll be waiting for you there along with your split. There's two police cars now. +There's two police cars now. Tailgate me. I'll jam on the brakes. You go into a spin to avoid an accident and cut them off. +Tailgate me. I'll jam on the brakes. You go into a spin to avoid an accident and cut them off. You want us to get ourselves killed? +You want us to get ourselves killed? From what I can see you're a pretty fair wheelman. There's a hairpin coming up -- that's the place for it. The cops'll plow right into you. +From what I can see you're a pretty fair wheelman. There's a hairpin coming up -- that's the place for it. The cops'll plow right into you. And I end up in a fucking neck brace for life! +And I end up in a fucking neck brace for life! Then you can sue the cops. Collect from both ends. Tighten your belts. Here it comes. Ready? +Yeah? I just strolled out of the emergency room while they were admitting Rodriego. +I just strolled out of the emergency room while they were admitting Rodriego. You couldn't be calling at a worse time, Nels. +Yeah? Nels! Guess who? A friendly voice from beyond the grave. +Nels! Guess who? A friendly voice from beyond the grave. Who's this? +Who's this? I thought you'd know me by now. +I thought you'd know me by now. What does it take to kill you? +What does it take to kill you? I suppose you're in your taxi? +I suppose you're in your taxi? Why would she want me to think you were on ice? +Why would she want me to think you were on ice? Intelligent question, Nels. I believe she had plans for both our bodies to be found in close proximity. +Intelligent question, Nels. I believe she had plans for both our bodies to be found in close proximity. That bitch. What's keeping you from taking off? +That bitch. What's keeping you from taking off? My compensation! Somebody still owes me -- big time! +I can see the benefit in that. You could always disappear with what's already in your backpack. +You could always disappear with what's already in your backpack. Not without the name of the contact who can discount the bonds. I may need to pry that information out of her. What do you stand to gain? +Not without the name of the contact who can discount the bonds. I may need to pry that information out of her. What do you stand to gain? Sweet revenge plus maybe a bit of vigorish off your end. +In the hills above Sunset. Just below the Getty. Take the 405 south. +How far off are you? Five minutes. +Five minutes. Where do I turn? +Where do I turn? Take the Getty Center exit -- make a right onto Cisco. It'll be a narrow winding road. You can't miss the house. It's a mansion built back in '29 -- Spanish -- boarded up since the quake. +Take the Getty Center exit -- make a right onto Cisco. It'll be a narrow winding road. You can't miss the house. It's a mansion built back in '29 -- Spanish -- boarded up since the quake. Have your cab wait at the foot of Cisco -- we'll ride up together. +Have your cab wait at the foot of Cisco -- we'll ride up together. And make ourselves a hell of a target. +And make ourselves a hell of a target. We're gonna get there first. +We're gonna get there first. How do you know? +How do you know? Believe me. They couldn't be busier at the moment. +Better haul ass if we're gonna be inside to greet them. I've got a couple of spare pieces stashed under the floorboards. +I've got a couple of spare pieces stashed under the floorboards. Where's the backpack? +Where's the backpack? None of your business, but it's in the cab. That's all mine. When we take from them, we divide, eighty-twenty. +None of your business, but it's in the cab. That's all mine. When we take from them, we divide, eighty-twenty. At those prices I'd just as soon your cabbie didn't get a look at me. +"Probably as close to the Getty as I'll ever come. Unless you care to be my ""patron,"" Nels. You wouldn't be the first successful thief to become a patron of the arts." In your dreams. +In your dreams. Don't underestimate me. I've got original ideas of my own. Warhol got famous doing a soup can. What would you think of a cellular phone done in acrylics? +Don't underestimate me. I've got original ideas of my own. Warhol got famous doing a soup can. What would you think of a cellular phone done in acrylics? Are you busting my chops or what? +Somebody better tear this down before it falls down. Stay put! I know my way around. +Who were you talking to? Them. They won't be expecting us. +Them. They won't be expecting us. Brilliant -- unless they were close enough to see the cab pull away. In which case you just warned them. +Brilliant -- unless they were close enough to see the cab pull away. In which case you just warned them. Nobody can do anything right but you! +I'm in awe. Following which we will have a serious question and answer session with your girlfriend. +Since when did you guys start changing tires? Only you don't have a flat. +Only you don't have a flat. Seems not. +Seems not. If you weren't going for a spare what were you doing? +If you weren't going for a spare what were you doing? Something was rattling around. Some loose tools. +Something was rattling around. Some loose tools. Mind if I have a look? +Why are you picking on me for? Was I picking on you? How come you pulled in back of this fruitstand? +Was I picking on you? How come you pulled in back of this fruitstand? Tell the truth, I was going to take a much needed leak. +Don't be afraid to say hello. Your friend with the recent transplant is in no condition to deliver that briefcase. So I've taken on the task. Who are you? +Who are you? Let me talk to the lady again. +Let me talk to the lady again. There's no lady here. +There's no lady here. If you've already killed her that's fine. I'll keep the bonds and the cash. We got nothing to discuss. +If you've already killed her that's fine. I'll keep the bonds and the cash. We got nothing to discuss. Hold on. +Hold on. If her kid or her old man have been harmed we've also got nothing to talk about. +If her kid or her old man have been harmed we've also got nothing to talk about. Let her tell you. +I already called for an ambulance. You've got a phone? +You've got a phone? Doesn't everybody? +Can I make a quick call? Government business? +Government business? Very official. 259-7881, if I recall. +What kind of Treasury Dept. business is this? Undercover. +Undercover. I thought so. +I thought so. Your partners are currently armed and we're not. Our edge is that they don't know we're in touch. +The 405 is coming up. Where is this canyon house where you're supposed to hook up? +Let's have your name and address. The government will want to send you a letter of commendation. Who the fuck you kidding? Send me money! +You sure know how to take a lot of punishment. From here on, I dish it out. +Scottish? Yeah. +So can we consider you a regular, sir? Is that good or bad? +Is that good or bad? Well, you get to say, The usual, Col. Things like that. +So let's call this the usual. Thanks. +It takes all types. So who's he? +So who's he? He's what she should run a mile from. +He's what she should run a mile from. Then why doesn't she? +Then why doesn't she? Who knows the secrets of the human heart. +She wants me to tell you go fuck yourself. I'm sorry. +You could always make it up to her. How? +How? When a girl runs out like that, she generally wants to be followed. +When a girl runs out like that, she generally wants to be followed. She's not a girl, Col -- +She's not a girl, Col -- Whatever you say. +See that, Col? See what, Dil? +See what, Dil? He gave me a look. +He gave me a look. Did he? +Just cut his hair, you know. Yeah? +Yeah? What you think? +What you think? Nice. +Saw that one. What would you call it? +What would you call it? Now, that was a look. +Now he can look.... Ask him does he like his hair, Col. She wants to know, sir, do you like your hair. +He agreed that he was. What do you think his name is? +What do you think his name is? I've no thoughts on the subject. +That's what he said. Jimmy. Hi, Jimmy. +He's still looking, Col. Persistent. +Persistent. Good thing in a man. +Good thing in a man. An excellent quality. +An excellent quality. Maybe he wants something. +Maybe he wants something. I would expect he does. +Ask him. Ask him yourself. +He's back, Col Hi. +Hi. Don't want any of those looks, Col. They don't mean much. +Don't want any of those looks, Col. They don't mean much. Stop it, Dil -- +Stop it, Dil -- No. Tell him to go fuck himself. +You see that, Col? Saw it, Dil. +Saw it, Dil. Fuck it, is what I say. +Fuck it, is what I say. Yeah. Fuck it, Dil. +Yeah. Fuck it, Dil. Fucking men, Col -- +Fuck off, Dave. C'mon, babe! You know what I like... Easy! +You fucking promised. Did I? +Did I? You fucking did. +Don't be like that -- You heard me -- +Thank you. Who the fuck is he? +Who the fuck is he? Jimmy. +Jimmy. It's him, isn't it? +It's him, isn't it? Maybe. +See, they get the wrong idea. Cunt. +Cunt. Scrag-eyed dyke cunt. Charming. +He's going to take his foot off slowly, David. Then you're to go home, like a good boy. You hear me? Cunt. +Hey, Stirling fucking Moss -- It's Dave. +Sure, Dave -- Please, Dil -- +Take your clothes. Don't throw my clothes out the window! +Don't throw my clothes out the window! Fuck off back to Essex! +Fuck off back to Essex! Fucking mad! +Don't chuck my clothes out! Take your fucking goldfish, too! +Look, I'm sorry. Fuck off, Dave. +Fuck off, Dave. No, I won't fucking fuck off. Said I'm sorry, didn't I? +No, I won't fucking fuck off. Said I'm sorry, didn't I? Yeah. I heard. You hear, Jimmy? +It's not Pat. It's Jim. Jim, Pat, Mick, what the fuck. Long as you remember you're not at Lords. +Do you mean that? He wants to know do I mean that. +Is that his tart? Does Pat have a tart? She's not a tart. +She's not a tart. No, of course not, she's a lady. +No, of course not, she's a lady. She's not that either. +Do it on your own time, Paddy. What? +What? Whatever it is she does for you. +If I was her I'd consider that an insult. Consider it how you like. Just get that bloody tart out of here. +What's that supposed to mean? It's a simple question. +How much did that frame cost, Mr. Franknum? Two hundred quid, Mr. Deveroux. +Two hundred quid, Mr. Deveroux. Your Pat just cost me two hundred quid. +Sorry won't bring the bloody thing back, will it, Mr. Franknum? Not in my experience. +Not in my experience. Off his wages. +I'm sure you do, Mr. Deveroux. Bloody right I do... +Someone recommend you? In a way. +In a way. Who? +Who? Guy I work with. +Guy I work with. What's his name? +Doesn't the water get to your nails? What's it to you? +What's it to you? Nothing. +You American? No. +No. Not English. +No. Scottish? +Scottish? How'd you guess? +How'd you guess? The accent, I suppose. +The accent, I suppose. And what's it like? +And what's it like? Like treacle. +That should make her happy. Who's she? +Who's she? Don't know. Who is she? +Tell her I'm very happy with it. He's Scottish, Col. +Jimmy. Jimmy? +Everybody wants something. Not me. +Not me. Not you. How quaint. How old-fashioned and quaint. Isn't it, Col? +You old-fashioned? Must be. +Hi. Hi. You forgot your bag. +What was that? They all get the wrong idea. +You all right? Yes, thank you. +Yes, thank you. What was that all about? +What was that all about? He wants me to perform for him. +He wants me to perform for him. Perform? +Perform? You know. +You know. You on the game? +You on the game? God no. I'm a hairdresser. +He's getting up. You can't leave me then, can you? +You want me to ask you in, right? No, I didn't -- +No, I didn't -- But I'm not cheap, you know that? Loud, but never cheap. +Now, if you asked me to meet you tomorrow, it would really drive him insane. Where? +Where? Half-five. At Millie's. +Give me that look again. What look? +What look? The one you gave me in the Metro. +What's that about? They're jealous. +They're jealous. Why? +Why? I wonder. +Now's the time you're meant to do something, isn't it? Like what? +Like what? Make a pass or something. Isn't that the way it goes? +Make a pass or something. Isn't that the way it goes? Must be. +You got a special friend, Jimmy? How special? +How special? You want one? +Jesus Christ! Jesus. +That Dave? The things a girl has to put up with. +Piss off, Dave! Tough guy, huh? Are you going to be all right on your own? +Tough guy, huh? Are you going to be all right on your own? I'm not on my own, am I? +Would you like a drink? Yes, please. +Yes, please. What'll it be? +What'll it be? Whiskey. +Someone out there. Jesus fucking Christ. +Sorry. How'd he drive with his neck in a brace? Must be in love to manage that. +Must be in love to manage that. Doesn't know the meaning of the word. +He lived here with you? Tried to. Sit down, will you? +He was different. How different? +How different? As different as it's possible to be. +As different as it's possible to be. Tell me about him. +Tell me about him. No. +No. Shouldn't I go? +Shouldn't I go? Yes. +No -- Did you do that to him? +You want to know how I kissed him? Yes... +Yes... Are you jealous of him? +Are you jealous of him? Maybe. +Maybe. That's good... +What would he think? Can't think. He's dead. In Ireland. He was a soldier. Went there like a fool. +Do you miss him? What do you think? +What do you think? I think you do. +I think you do. You say that like a gentleman. +You say that like a gentleman. Do I? +Do I? Like you're concerned. +But you can t stay, you know that? Didn't think I could. +Didn't think I could. A real gentleman... +Shouldn't you be in mourning? I am. +Did he come here too? Is this an obsession of yours? +Is this an obsession of yours? Maybe. +Maybe. He did sometimes. +He did sometimes. Did he dance with you? +So what do you want with me, Jimmy? Want to look after you. +Want to look after you. What does that mean? +What does that mean? Something I heard someone say once. +You mean that? Yeah. +Why? If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. +Drink. What is this? +What is this? I'm superstitious. Drink. +Can't leave me now. Aha. +Aha. The thing is, can you go the distance? +The thing is, can you go the distance? Depends what it is. +Depends what it is. No, depends on nothing. +What you thinking of, hon? I'm thinking of your man. +I'm thinking of your man. Why? +Why? I'm wondering why you keep his things. +I'm wondering why you keep his things. Told you, I'm superstitious. +Did he ever tell you you were beautiful? All the time. +Even now. No... +No... He looks after me. He's a gentleman too. +Tell him to stop messing Dil around -- Dil -- +Dil -- Tell him it hurt -- +Tell him it hurt -- I have to talk to her, Col -- +Come on, Dil -- Where? +Never let the sun go down on an argument, Jody used to say. What you doing here? +What you doing here? Got your note. So let's kiss and make up, hon. +Got your note. So let's kiss and make up, hon. Don't call me that. +Don't call me that. Sorry, darling. +Sorry, darling. Give it over, Dil -- +Give it over, Dil -- Apologies, my sweet. +You're something else, Dil, you know that? Never said a truer word. +See, I was always best looking after someone. Must be something in the genes. Must be. +Must be. And the fact that you didn't know is basically the fault of yours truly. And even when you were throwing up, I could tell you cared. +You could? Do you care, Jimmy? +Do you care, Jimmy? Sure I do. +Sure I do. You mean that? +You mean that? Yeah. I care, Dil. +My, oh my, Jimmy, how gallant. Shut up. +Shut up. Made me feel all funny inside. +Made me feel all funny inside. I said stop it. +I said stop it. Ask me to meet you again, Jimmy. +Ask me to meet you again, Jimmy. You think that's wise? +You think that's wise? Nothing's wise. +I didn't mean to hit you. I know that. +Kind of liked you as a girl. That's a start. +That's a start. So I'm sorry. +So I'm sorry. Make it up to me, then. +Make it up to me, then. How? +How? Ask to meet me again. +Ask to meet me again. Will you meet me again? +Will you meet me again? When? +When? Whenever. Tonight. +Do they know? Know what, honey? +Know what, honey? Know what I didn't know. And don't call me that. +Know what I didn't know. And don't call me that. Can't help it, Jimmy. A girl has her feelings. +Can't help it, Jimmy. A girl has her feelings. Thing is, Dil, you're not a girl. +Details, baby, details. So they do know. +So they do know. All right, they do. +Don't. Sorry. +Sorry. I should have known, shouldn't I? +I should have known, shouldn't I? Probably. +Probably. Kind of wish I didn't. +Kind of wish I didn't. You can always pretend. +You can always pretend. That's true.... Your soldier knew, didn't he? +That's true.... Your soldier knew, didn't he? Absolutely. +Absolutely. Won't be quite the same though, will it? +Won't be quite the same though, will it? Are you pretending yet? +Are you pretending yet? I'm working on it. +There's Dave. He knew too. Stop it, Jimmy. +Am I becoming repetitious? A little. +A little. Sorry. +Don't ask me in. Please, Jimmy. +Please, Jimmy. No. Can't pretend that much. +No. Can't pretend that much. I miss you, Jimmy. +I miss you, Jimmy. Should have stayed a girl. +Should have stayed a girl. Don't be cruel. +Don't be cruel. Okay. Be a good girl and go inside. +Okay. Be a good girl and go inside. Only if you kiss me. +Happy now? Delirious. +What? He'd bring me carnations. +He'd bring me carnations. So I got it wrong, then. +So I got it wrong, then. Not at all, honey. +Not at all, honey. Don't. +Don't. Okay. +Come on. Why, honey -- +Why, honey -- Come on. +Come on. You gonna tell me why? +You gonna tell me why? No. +What's wrong, Jimmy? Tell me what's wrong -- Not here. +Dil, this is Jude. You following me? +It's her, isn't it? What's her? +What's her? She's the thing you had to tell me. +She's the thing you had to tell me. Kind of. +Kind of. I'm sorry, you know that? I'm really sorry. +Shouldn't be, Dil Why shouldn't I be jealous? +She own you, Jimmy? Yes. +Yes. She from Scotland too? +She from Scotland too? You could say that. +You could say that. And you're not going to tell me more? +And you're not going to tell me more? I can't. +What you doing, Jimmy? I'm not sure. +I'm not sure. Do you like me even a little bit? +Do you like me even a little bit? More than that. +You do something for me, Dil? Anything. +Anything. You'd do anything for me? +You'd do anything for me? Afraid so. +Afraid so. You got the keys to the shop? +You want another haircut, baby? No. Sit down. +You said anything, Dil A girl has to draw the line somewhere -- +A girl has to draw the line somewhere -- Want to change you to a man, Dil... +Why? It's a secret. +It's a secret. You'd like me better that way, Jimmy? +You'd like me better that way, Jimmy? Yes. +Yes. And you wouldn't leave me? +And you wouldn't leave me? No. +No. You promise? +You promise? I promise. +You're no good at this, Jimmy. I'm sorry. +You want to make me look like him... No. Want to make you into something new. That nobody recognizes... +So it's true, then? What? +What? You like me better like this. +You like me better like this. Yes. +Don't call me that -- Sorry. What you doing? +Why? For me. +For me. For you... +Why are we going here, Jimmy? Look on it like a honeymoon. +Dil! Dil! What the fuck are you doing here? I'm going home! +I'm going home! Told you to stay in the hotel! +Told you to stay in the hotel! Thought you was fooling me. Thought you was leaving me. +I had to go to work! Stayed all day in that room thinking every noise was you. There's something you're not telling me, Jimmy. +Come on... No! I'm going home... +So tell me. I was trying to get out of something. +I was trying to get out of something. No! Tell me everything, Jimmy. +You got to forget you ever saw me, Dil. You mean that? +You mean that? Yes. +You heard what I said, Dil? My pills... +What pills? Prescription. For my condition. +Prescription. For my condition. What condition? +Are you supposed to take that many? Only in times of extreme stress. +Are you all right, Dil? I will be. +Good-bye, Dil Jimmy? +Jimmy? What? +What? Don't go like that. +Dil Can I tell you something? I knew your man. You knew which man? +You knew which man? Your soldier. +Your soldier. You knew my Jody? +Lifted him from a carnival in Belfast. Held him hostage for three days. You knew my Jody? +You knew my Jody? Are you listening? +Yes. I got the order to shoot him. Before I could do it he ran. Ran into a tank and died. +I got the order to shoot him. Before I could do it he ran. Ran into a tank and died. Died... +Died... Did you hear me? +You killed my Jody? In a manner of speaking. +In a manner of speaking. It was you... +You killed my Jody No. +No. You didn't. +You didn't. I suppose I tried. +I suppose I tried. You tried. +You tried. Don't you want to kill me? +Don't leave me tonight. Might kill me, too. Okay. +Wondered why you came on to me like that when you gave me the look. He asked me to see were you all right. +See, I fix on anyone that's nice to me. Just the littlest bit nice and I'm yours. Stop it, Dil -- +Stop it, Dil -- Just don't kick Dil and she'll be touched. Be nice to her and she'll be yours forever. +See, I should blow you away, Jimmy. But I can't do that. Yet. Let me go, Dil +Why? Got to be somewhere. +Got to be somewhere. Try and go, then. +Let me go for fuck's sake, Dil -- or they'll be here Let them come then. +You like me now, Jimmy? I like you, Dil -- +I like you, Dil -- Give me a bit more, baby, a bit more. +Give me a bit more, baby, a bit more. More what? +More endearments. I like you, DIl +I like you, DIl Love me. +Love me. Yes. +Yes. Tell me you love me. +Tell me you love me. Whatever you say, Dil. +Whatever you say, Dil. Then say it. +Then say it. Love you, Dil. +Love you, Dil. You do? +You do? Yeah. +Yeah. What would you do for me? +What would you do for me? Anything. +Say it again. I'd do anything for you, Dil. +And you'll never leave me? Never. +Never. I know you're lying, Jimmy, but it's nice to hear it. +What was that she called you, Jimmy? Fergus. +What's Fergus? It's my name, Dil -- +It's my name, Dil -- What happened to Jimmy? +Dil!!! I asked you a question, honey -- were you there too -- +She was -- And she used her tits and that cute little ass to get him, didn't she? +And she used her tits and that cute little ass to get him, didn't she? Yes. +Yes. Tell me what she wore. +Tell me what she wore. Can't remember... +You've got to go now, Dil -- Do I? +Do I? Yes. Now. +Yes. Now. Am I in trouble, Jimmy? +Am I in trouble, Jimmy? Not if you go. +Not if you go. Will I see you again? +Will I see you again? You will, Dil +Promise? I promise. +I promise. Where am I to go, Jimmy? +Where am I to go, Jimmy? The Metro. +The Metro. Meet Col -- +Meet Col -- Yes. Say hello to Col -- +Got you the multivitamins and the iron tablets, hon -- Don't call me that -- +Sorry, love. Now, the white ones are magnesium supplement -- Stop it, Dil -- +Stop it, Dil -- I've got to keep you healthy, Jimmy. I'm counting the days. Two thousand three hundred and thirty-four left. +I've got to keep you healthy, Jimmy. I'm counting the days. Two thousand three hundred and thirty-four left. Thirty-five. +Thirty-five. I'm sorry, darling. I keep forgetting the leap year. What am I supposed to call you then, Jimmy? +I'm sorry, darling. I keep forgetting the leap year. What am I supposed to call you then, Jimmy? Fergus. +Fergus. Fergus. Fergus my love, light of my life - - +Fergus. Fergus my love, light of my life - - Please, Dil -- +Please, Dil -- Can't help it. You're doing time for me. No greater love, as the man says. Wish you'd tell me why. +Can't help it. You're doing time for me. No greater love, as the man says. Wish you'd tell me why. As the man said, it's in my nature. +As the man said, it's in my nature. What's that supposed to mean? +Lucky you. Carnations. +What was it? You know her, Jimmy? +You know her, Jimmy? Jimmy, is it? Do you know me, Jimmy? +Yeah. Just checking. He being nice to you, Dil? Ever so nice. Aren't you, Jimmy? +Ever so nice. Aren't you, Jimmy? That's good. I'm glad. Young love, as they say. +That's good. I'm glad. Young love, as they say. Absolutely. The younger the better. Doesn't come your way much, I suppose. +Don't go looking for it, Dil. Well, maybe you'll get lucky. Someday. +Well, maybe you'll get lucky. Someday. A bit heavy on the powder, isn't she, Jimmy? +A bit heavy on the powder, isn't she, Jimmy? A girl has to have a bit of glamour. +A girl has to have a bit of glamour. Absolutely. Long as she can keep it. Isn't that right, James... +Fergus! You're back in the pink, Tommy? How're you keeping? +You'll notice I've asked you nothing. That's wise, Tommy. +That's wise, Tommy. All right, then. I like to be wise. +So what do you need, Fergus? Need to go across the water. +Need to go across the water. Do you now. +Do you now. Need to lose myself awhile. +Need to lose myself awhile. Aha. +See does he want some. Do you want some food? +Hey -- what's he like? Horny bastard. +Horny bastard. Did you give him it? +Did you give him it? There are certain things I wouldn't do for my country. +There are certain things I wouldn't do for my country. Have a look at him. +Have a look at him. Can't. +Can't. Poke him or something. See if he's still alive. +Poke him or something. See if he's still alive. He's all right. +He's all right. Hasn't moved for twelve hours. Go on. Have a heart. +You don't know that. Fucking do. I had him all over me. +Tough work, that. Someone's got to do it. +Leave us, Judie. My pleasure. +Put that thing back on him, Fergus. He's hot. +He's hot. Doesn't matter if he's hot. Just cover the fucker up. +What was it, Fergus? Did you blow the gaff on us or did you just fuck up? Leave me alone, Jude. +Leave me alone, Jude. No. That's the last thing I'll do. You never asked what happened. +No. That's the last thing I'll do. You never asked what happened. I heard. +I heard. Eddie and Tinker died. +Eddie and Tinker died. I know. +I know. Maguire and me got out by the skin of our teeth. No thanks to you.... What you think of the hair? +Maguire and me got out by the skin of our teeth. No thanks to you.... What you think of the hair? Suits you. +We had a court-martial in your absence. They wanted to put a bullet in your head. I pleaded for clemency. Said we should find out what happened first. So what did happen? He ran. I couldn't shoot him in the back. I tried to catch him. He made it to the road and got hit by a Saracen. +He ran. I couldn't shoot him in the back. I tried to catch him. He made it to the road and got hit by a Saracen. So you did fuck up. +So you did fuck up. Yes. +Yes. But you know what the thing is, Fergus? +But you know what the thing is, Fergus? No, what is the thing? +No, what is the thing? You vanished quite effectively. Became Mister Nobody. And you've no idea how useful that could be. +You vanished quite effectively. Became Mister Nobody. And you've no idea how useful that could be. What do you mean? +What do you mean? We've got some plans here. And we'll need a Mister Nobody to execute them. +We've got some plans here. And we'll need a Mister Nobody to execute them. No way, Jude. I'm out. +No way, Jude. I'm out. You're never out, Fergus. +Leave her out of this. Jesus, Fergus, you're a walking cliche. You know we won't leave her out of this. But I'm glad to see you care. +She's nobody. She likes me. So I suppose a fuck is out of the question. Keep your head down, Fergus. No sudden moves. And not a whisper to her. You'll be hearing from us. +But, then, I don't have a choice. Och, you do, Fergie. +Och, you do, Fergie. Of course. I forgot. +Of course. I forgot. Come on, Fergie. A rehearsal. +And then you'll leave her out of it? Aye. Then we'll leave her be. +And what if I say no? You know what. Go. +You were made for this. Was I? +Was I? Perfect. +Perfect. And what happens then? +And what happens then? We'll be on the other side. We'll move when you do. +We'll be on the other side. We'll move when you do. And what if you don't? +And what if you don't? Fergus, I think you don't trust me. +Fergus, I think you don't trust me. You may be right. +You may be right. Stay late at your work tomorrow night and I'll bring you the gear. +Jude? Yes? +Yes? Who's the old geezer? +Who's the old geezer? Some judge... +You a handyman, Fergie? I take pride in my work. +I take pride in my work. I sincerely hope so. +Dil! Get that thing off me, Fergus -- +Give him a cup of tea. Do you want a cup of tea? +Made the front page. They'll move now, the fuckers. Request permission to take the hood off, Tommy. +Request permission to take the hood off, Tommy. Why would you do that? +Why would you do that? The poor whore's suffocating in the heat. +The poor whore's suffocating in the heat. So? +So? And anyway, he's seen our faces. +And anyway, he's seen our faces. You sure? +You sure? He described me down to a T. Knows what Jude looks like. +You're his keeper. If you don't mind him seeing you, I don't mind. But you're the only one he looks at. Thanks. +Thanks. It's your decision. +What the fuck is this? It's nothing. He's just got a sense of humor, that's all. +It's nothing. He's just got a sense of humor, that's all. You're on duty. Keep your fucking mouth shut. Go in and get some sleep. +So he knows your name? I told him. +I told him. Are you all there? +Back in a minute, Jody You'll have minimal contact with the prisoner, do you hear me? +You'll have minimal contact with the prisoner, do you hear me? Yes. +Yes. And do you know why? +And do you know why? Why? +Why? Because tomorrow we might have to shoot him, that's why. +You OK about that? I'm a volunteer, am n't I? +I'm a volunteer, am n't I? Good. I was beginning to have my doubts about you for the last few days. +Shut up, Jude. You best get some sleep tonight, Fergus. Peter. +Peter. What? +What? Request permission to guard the prisoner tonight -- +Why do you want to do that for? Would make me feel better about it. +Would make me feel better about it. You sure about that? +You sure about that? I'm sure. +I'm sure. Okay. You're a good man, Fergus. +So it was you all the time. Who'd you think it was? +Who'd you think it was? I thought it was Dave. +I thought it was Dave. And who's Dave when he's at home? +And who's Dave when he's at home? He's at home. +He's at home. Should blow you away, you know that? +Should blow you away, you know that? I know that. +I'm getting emotional. And I don't want to get fucking emotional -- you understand, Hennessy? I understand. +I understand. Fuck you, too -- +And what's she like between the sheets? Definitely unusual. +Definitely unusual. And who is she? +And who is she? Just a girl. +Just a girl. And you know what'll happen if you fuck up again, don't you? +And you know what'll happen if you fuck up again, don't you? Aye, I do, Peter. +Aye, I do, Peter. Good. +So what do you think that is, Hennessy? A hotel? +A hotel? It's a knocking-shop. Tres discreet, huh? He visits his ladies on Tuesday and Thursday nights and Saturday mornings. His security's in the car beyond. +Who is he? Doesn't matter who he is. He is what we would call a legitimate target. +Thank God for that. You being cynical, Hennessy? +You being cynical, Hennessy? Hope not. +Hope not. Good. So what do you think? +Good. So what do you think? Whoever hits him'll be hit, if those men are any good. And I presume you can't get in. +Whoever hits him'll be hit, if those men are any good. And I presume you can't get in. Right. +Right. So it's on the street. +So it's on the street. Right. +Right. Kind of suicide, isn't it? +Fuck you. Yeah. +Eat something, would you? Can't. +Can't. What do you mean you can't? +What do you mean you can't? Can't eat through a canvas bag. +This is a farce, man. How is it a farce? +How is it a farce? I seen your fucking face. +I seen your fucking face. So, what do I look like? +So, what do I look like? You're the one about five ten with the killer smile and the baby face. +You're the one about five ten with the killer smile and the baby face. Am I? +Am I? Yeah. And the brown eyes. +Thank you, handsome. My pleasure. +How did you know it was her? I can smell her perfume. +Please, man, I'm suffocating in here. Can't we take it off? +Now, if you took the ropes off, I'd be able to feed myself. No fucking way. +No fucking way. Only joking. +What's that? Five ten. Brown eyes. But you're no pinup. +Five ten. Brown eyes. But you're no pinup. No? +No? Nope. Not handsome at all. +Nope. Not handsome at all. You trying to hurt my feelings? +You trying to hurt my feelings? No. It's the truth. +No. It's the truth. Well, I could say the same about you. +Well, I could say the same about you. Could you? +Could you? But I won't. We're more polite around these parts. +But I won't. We're more polite around these parts. So I've noticed. +Hey -- What is it now? +What is it now? You're going to have to do it, aren't you? +You're going to have to do it, aren't you? Do what? +Do what? Kill me. +What makes you think that? They're going to let that guy die. And you're going to kill me. +They're going to let that guy die. And you're going to kill me. They won't let him die. +They won't let him die. You want to bet? +You want to bet? I'm not a gambling man. +I'm not a gambling man. And even if he doesn't die -- you can't just let me loose. +And even if he doesn't die -- you can't just let me loose. Why can't we? +Why can't we? Not in your nature. +Not in your nature. What do you know about my nature? +What do you know about my nature? I'm talking about your people, not you. +I'm talking about your people, not you. What the fuck do you know about my people? +What the fuck do you know about my people? Only that you're all tough undeluded motherfuckers. And that it's not in your nature to let me go. +Only that you're all tough undeluded motherfuckers. And that it's not in your nature to let me go. Shut the fuck up, would you? +Shut the fuck up, would you? And you know the funny thing? +And you know the funny thing? No, what's the funny thing? +No, what's the funny thing? I didn't even fancy her. +Didn't look like that to me... She's not my type. +C'mere. No. +No. Ah, c'mere. I want to show you something. +Ah, c'mere. I want to show you something. What? +What? My inside pocket. +She'd be anyone's type. Don't you think of it, fucker. +Don't you think of it, fucker. Why not? +Why not? She's mine. Anyway, she wouldn't suit you. +She's mine. Anyway, she wouldn't suit you. No? +No? Absolutely not. +Absolutely not. She your wife? +She your wife? Suppose you could say that. +You make a nice couple. Don't I know it. +Don't I know it. So what were you fucking around for, then? +So what were you fucking around for, then? You fuckers set me up. That bitch -- +You fuckers set me up. That bitch -- She's a friend of mine +She's a friend of mine Okay. That nice lady. Meets me in a bar. I'm saying what the fuck am I doing here anyway. She buys me a drink. She holds my hand. I'm looking at her saying I don't like you, bitch. But what the fuck. Maybe I'll get to understand. +Okay. That nice lady. Meets me in a bar. I'm saying what the fuck am I doing here anyway. She buys me a drink. She holds my hand. I'm looking at her saying I don't like you, bitch. But what the fuck. Maybe I'll get to understand. What? +What the fuck am I doing here. What the fuck were you doing here? +What the fuck were you doing here? I got sent. +I got sent. You could have said no. +You could have said no. Can't. Once I signed up. +Can't. Once I signed up. Why did you sign up? +Why did you sign up? It was a job. So I get sent to the only place in the world they call you nigger to your face. +It was a job. So I get sent to the only place in the world they call you nigger to your face. Shouldn't take it personally. +Shouldn't take it personally. """Go back to your banana tree, nigger."" No use telling them I came from Tottenham." +"""Go back to your banana tree, nigger."" No use telling them I came from Tottenham." And you play cricket?. +And you play cricket?. Best game in the world. +Best game in the world. Ever see hurling? +Ever see hurling? That game where a bunch of paddies whack sticks at each other? +That game where a bunch of paddies whack sticks at each other? Best game in the world. +Best game in the world. Never. +Never. The fastest. +Well, in Antigua cricket's the black man's game. The kids play it from the age of two. My daddy had me throwing googlies from the age of five. Then we moved to Tottenham and it was something different. How different? +How different? Toffs' game there. But not at home. . +So when you come to shoot me, Paddy, remember, you're getting rid of a shit- hot bowler. I'll bear that in mind. +Nice to meet you, Fergus. My pleasure, Jody +Take it easy, now. Just go slow. Down by that tree. Tree. +Can't. Well then, you're going to have to take my dick out for me, aren t you? +Now, that was worth waiting for. Hurry up, would you? +Hurry up, would you? These things take time, Fergus. +Now put it back in. Give us a break. +Thank you. I had a case of the clap two years ago. Crabs in Ulster. But all in all it's served me well. Shut up, would you? +Shut up, would you? I'm sorry. Didn't mean to offend you, Fergus. +Fergus? Yeah? +Yeah? Thanks. I know that wasn't easy for you. +So what's that supposed to mean? Means what it says. The scorpion does what is in his nature. Take off the hood, man. +Means what it says. The scorpion does what is in his nature. Take off the hood, man. Why? +Why? 'Cause you're kind. It's in your nature. +See? I was right about you. Don't be so sure. +Don't be so sure. Jody's always right. +Where would you most like to be now, man? Doesn't matter where. +Doesn't matter where. Come on, man. If this shit was all over. +Come on, man. If this shit was all over. Having a pint in the Rock. +Having a pint in the Rock. You lack imagination, Fergus. Think of something more alluring. +You lack imagination, Fergus. Think of something more alluring. Like what? +Like what? Like having a pint in the Metro -- +Having two pints in the Rock. Having a pint in the Metro, and Dil's having a margarita. +Having a pint in the Metro, and Dil's having a margarita. Who's Dil? +Who's Dil? My special friend. +My special friend. Oh, yeah. +Oh, yeah. We got simple tastes, you and me. +We got simple tastes, you and me. The best. +The best. But you fellas never get a break, do you? +But you fellas never get a break, do you? Do you? +Do you? Oh, yes. We do a tour of duty and we're finished. But you guys are never finished, are you? +Oh, yes. We do a tour of duty and we're finished. But you guys are never finished, are you? We don't look on it like that. +We don't look on it like that. I've often wondered how you do it. +I've often wondered how you do it. Depends on what you believe in. +Depends on what you believe in. What do you believe in? +What do you believe in? That you guys shouldn't be here. +That you guys shouldn't be here. It's as simple as that? +It's as simple as that? Yes. +Is it bad? No. Not bad. Women are trouble, you know that, Fergus? +No. Not bad. Women are trouble, you know that, Fergus? I didn't. +I didn't. Some kinds of women are... +She can't help it. Dil wasn't trouble. No trouble at all. +Dil wasn't trouble. No trouble at all. You liked her? +You liked her? Present tense, please. Love her. Whatever she is. I'm thinking of her now, Fergus. Will you think of her too? +Present tense, please. Love her. Whatever she is. I'm thinking of her now, Fergus. Will you think of her too? Don't know her. +Don't know her. Want you to do something, Fergus. +Want you to do something, Fergus. What? +What? If they kill me -- +If they kill me -- Don't think that way. +Don't think that way. But they will. As sure as night follows day. They have to. I want you to find her out. Tell her I was thinking of her. +See if she's all right. I don't know her. +I don't know her. Take her picture. C'mere. +Take the whole lot. I won't need it. I told you not to talk that way -- +I told you not to talk that way -- Go to Millie's Hair Salon in Spitalfields. Take her to the Metro for a margarita. Don't have to tell her who you are. Just tell her Jody was thinking -- +Go to Millie's Hair Salon in Spitalfields. Take her to the Metro for a margarita. Don't have to tell her who you are. Just tell her Jody was thinking -- Stop it -- +Don't. I'm sorry. +Help me. How can I? +How can I? I don't know. Just help me. Give me a cigarette. +Go to sleep now. I don't want to sleep. Tell me something. +I don't want to sleep. Tell me something. What? +What? A story. +A story. Like the one about the frog? +Like the one about the frog? And the scorpion. No. Tell me anything. +And the scorpion. No. Tell me anything. When I was a child... +When I was a child... Yeah? +Yeah? I thought as a child. But when I became a man I put away childish things... +I thought as a child. But when I became a man I put away childish things... What does that mean? +Nothing. Tell me something, anything. +Not a lot of use, are you, Fergus? Me? No, I'm not good for much... +Take the hood off, Fergus -- No. +I'm glad you're doing it, do you know that, Fergus? Why? +Why? Cause you're my friend. And I want you to go to the Metro -- +Cause you're my friend. And I want you to go to the Metro -- Stop that talk now -- +Stop that talk now -- Hurling's a fast game, isn't it, Fergus? +Hurling's a fast game, isn't it, Fergus? The fastest. +The fastest. Faster than cricket? +Faster than cricket? Cricket's in the halfpenny place. +Cricket's in the halfpenny place. So if I ran now, there's no way I'd beat you, is there? +So if I ran now, there's no way I'd beat you, is there? You won't run. +You won't run. But if I did... you wouldn't shoot a brother in the back -- +You stupid bastard -- What you say, faster? +What you say, faster? I said you bastard -- stop -- +I said you bastard -- stop -- Got to catch me first -- +Used to run the mile, you know -- four times round the cricket pitch -- what was that game called? Hurling -- +Hurling -- What? +What? Hurling -- +The teddy bear? No, fuck the bear. The name. Jude. And it's June. Jude in June. +Don't run off, Jude. You don't know me, do you? +What if I did? You'd know I wouldn't run off. +Never pissed holding a girl's hand, Jude. You didn't? +You didn't? And you know what? +And you know what? Tell me, Jody +Not here. Who gives a fuck. +Who gives a fuck. You never know. +I never know nothing. People. They could be looking. +Come and get me, soldier -- Whatever you say, Jude... +See, if we took the hood off, we'd have to shoot you. As it is, you've got a fifty-fifty chance. Thought you liked me, bitch. +Thought you liked me, bitch. It was fun while it lasted. +It was fun while it lasted. Nice lady. +Have you no feelings, woman? You shut your face -- +You're heading for trouble, Fergus -- He's a good soldier, Jude. +I said shut the fuck up -- He believes in the future -- +You're crazy. Don't let him, Peter. Shut the fuck up, Jude. +Leave him alone, Peter. He's in love. That true, Fergus? You in love? +That fucker's dead -- No, we are. +Give me the shooter, Jude -- You're crazy -- +You're crazy -- Give me the fucking shooter! +Now Dyle, you listen to me -- my mama didn't raise no stupid children. I know who's got the money 'n I ain't disappearing till I got my share -- 'n' my share's growin' a whole lot bigger ev'ry day. Where are you, ol' buddy? +Where are you, ol' buddy? I'll tell you what, fella -- you want t' find me, you jus' turn 'round -- from now on I'll be right behind you. +All right -- where's the letter? The letter? The letter ain't worth nuthin'. +The letter? The letter ain't worth nuthin'. You know what I mean -- the envelope with the stamps. I want it. +You know what I mean -- the envelope with the stamps. I want it. You greenhorn -- you half-witted, thick-skulled, hare-brained, greenhorn! They wuz both too smart for us! +You greenhorn -- you half-witted, thick-skulled, hare-brained, greenhorn! They wuz both too smart for us! What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? First her husband, now her -- she hoodwinked you! She batted all them big eyes and you went 'n fell for it - like a egg from a tall chicken! Here! You want? Here -- it's yours! +Oh, come on! -- there has to be a darn good reason for living the way you do. I want to know what it is. +-- there has to be a darn good reason for living the way you do. I want to know what it is. It's simple. I like what I do -- I enjoy doing it. There aren't many men who love their work as much as I do. Look around some time. +It's simple. I like what I do -- I enjoy doing it. There aren't many men who love their work as much as I do. Look around some time. Is there a Mrs. Canfield? +Is there a Mrs. Canfield? Yes, but -- +I could eat a horse. I think that's what you ordered. +I think that's what you ordered. Don't you dare to be civil with me! All this time you were leading me on -- +Don't you dare to be civil with me! All this time you were leading me on -- How was I leading you on? +How was I leading you on? All that marvelous rejection -- you knew I couldn't resist it. Now it turns out you were only interested in the money. +All that marvelous rejection -- you knew I couldn't resist it. Now it turns out you were only interested in the money. That's right. +That's right. Oh! +Oh! What would you like me to say -- that a pretty girl with an outrageous manner means more to an old pro like me than a quarter of a million dollars? +What would you like me to say -- that a pretty girl with an outrageous manner means more to an old pro like me than a quarter of a million dollars? No -- I guess not. +No -- I guess not. It's a toss-up, I can tell you that. +It's a toss-up, I can tell you that. What? +What? Don't you know I'm having a tough time keeping my eyes off of you? +Oh, you should see your face. What about it? +What about it? It's lovely. +What's the matter? I'm not hungry -- isn't it glorious? +Adam! It's all right -- look. +You don't look so bad in this light. Why do you think I brought you here? +Why do you think I brought you here? I thought maybe you wanted me to see the kind of work the competition was turning out. +I thought maybe you wanted me to see the kind of work the competition was turning out. Pretty good, huh? I taught them everything they do. +Pretty good, huh? I taught them everything they do. Oh? Did they do that sort of thing way back in your day? +Oh? Did they do that sort of thing way back in your day? How do you think I got here? +Aren't you allowed to kiss back? No. The doctor said it would be bad for my -- thermostat. +When you come on, you really come on. Well -- come on. +I know why you're not taken -- no one can catch up with you. Relax -- you're gaining. +That wraps it up -- Tex has the money. Go back to bed -- I'll let you know when I've found him. You're going to look for him -- now? +You're going to look for him -- now? If the police find him first they're not very likely to turn over a quarter of a million dollars to us, are they? +If the police find him first they're not very likely to turn over a quarter of a million dollars to us, are they? Adam -- +Adam -- There's no time -- I'll call you in the morning. +What is it? Open up. +I think we were wrong about Tex having the money. Why? +Why? I just heard from him -- he's still hungry. That means killing Gideon didn't get it for him -- so he's narrowed it down to us. You've got it. +I just heard from him -- he's still hungry. That means killing Gideon didn't get it for him -- so he's narrowed it down to us. You've got it. I've looked, Adam -- you know I have -- +I've looked, Adam -- you know I have -- Where's that airlines bag? +Where's that airlines bag? Lord, you're stubborn. +Lord, you're stubborn. I sure am. Get it. +But everyone and his Aunt Lilian's been through that bag. Somebody would have seen it. Let's look anyway. +Let's look anyway. Lord, you're stubborn. +Lord, you're stubborn. I mean, it's there, Reggie. If only we could see it. We're looking at it right now. +Electric razor -- comb -- steamship ticket -- fountain pen -- four passports -- toothbrush -- wallet -- key -- what about that? To the apartment -- it matches mine perfectly. +To the apartment -- it matches mine perfectly. The letter -- +It still doesn't make sense, but it isn't worth any quarter of a million either. Have we forgotten anything? The tooth powder. Wait a minute -- could you recognize heroin just by tasting it? +Heroin -- peppermint-flavored heroin. Well, I guess that's it -- dead end. +Well, I guess that's it -- dead end. Go to bed. You've got to be at work in the morning. There's nothing more we can do tonight. +Go to bed. You've got to be at work in the morning. There's nothing more we can do tonight. I love you, Adam. +I love you, Adam. Yes, you told me. +Yes, you told me. "No -- last time I said ""I love you, Alex.""" +Reggie -- I think I've found -- are you on? No, it's all right. What's wrong, Adam? +No, it's all right. What's wrong, Adam? Nothing's wrong. I think I found something. I was snooping around Tex's room and I found this in the waste basket. I've stuck it back together. +You're right. I remember Grandpierre looking through it. But there was nothing in it -- at least, nothing that the police thought was very important. Can you remember anything at all? +Can you remember anything at all? Grandpierre asked me about an appointment Charles had -- on the day he was killed. +Grandpierre asked me about an appointment Charles had -- on the day he was killed. With whom? Where? +With whom? Where? I think it only said where -- but I can't -- +I think it only said where -- but I can't -- Think, Reggie, you've got to think -- it may be what we're looking for. +Think, Reggie, you've got to think -- it may be what we're looking for. That money's not ours, Adam -- if we keep it, we'll be breaking the law. +That money's not ours, Adam -- if we keep it, we'll be breaking the law. Nonsense. We didn't steal it. There's no law against stealing stolen money. +Nonsense. We didn't steal it. There's no law against stealing stolen money. Of course there is! +Of course there is! There is? Well, I can't say I think very much of a silly law like that. Think, Reggie -- please think -- what was written in Charles' notebook? +There is? Well, I can't say I think very much of a silly law like that. Think, Reggie -- please think -- what was written in Charles' notebook? Well -- it was a place -- a street corner, I think. But I don't -- Hold it. I'm on. +as outlined in report number three- nine-stroke-five-two of the Western Hemisphere Conference held on March 22 -- no wait! It was last Thursday, five o'clock at the Jardin des Champs- Élysées! Adam -- that was it! The garden! It's Thursday today -- and it's almost five -- come on! +Now what? Five o'clock -- Thursday -- the Garden -- it's got to be something around here. +Five o'clock -- Thursday -- the Garden -- it's got to be something around here. But Charles' appointment was last week, not -- +But Charles' appointment was last week, not -- I know, but this is all we've got left. +I know, but this is all we've got left. Well, you're right there. Ten minutes ago I had a job. +Well, you're right there. Ten minutes ago I had a job. Stop grousing. If we find the money I'll buy you an international conference all your own. Now start looking. You take this side and I'll poke around over there. +It's hopeless -- I don't even know what we're looking for. It's all right -- I don't think Tex does, either. +It's all right -- I don't think Tex does, either. Tex? You mean he's here, too? +Tex? You mean he's here, too? Look. +Reggie -- stop! Why? So you can kill me too? Tex is dead, I've seen him! He said Dyle did it! +Why? So you can kill me too? Tex is dead, I've seen him! He said Dyle did it! I'm not Dyle -- you know that! +I'm not Dyle -- you know that! But Tex didn't -- he still thought -- ! +But Tex didn't -- he still thought -- ! Don't be an idiot! +Reggie -- why won't you listen? I'm through listening to you! +But I didn't kill anybody. Then who did? You're the only one left. +Reggie -- please believe me! No! +He's -- with the C.I.A. -- I've seen him at the Embassy. Don't be a fool! He's Carson Dyle! +Reggie -- listen to me! You lied to me so many times -- +You lied to me so many times -- Reggie -- trust me once more -- please. +Reggie -- trust me once more -- please. Can I really believe you this time, Adam? +Can I really believe you this time, Adam? There's not a reason on earth why you should. +You didn't have to chase me so hard -- Here, give it to me. +I'm sorry I thought you were the murderer, Adam -- how did I know that he was as big a liar as you are? And that's all the gratitude I get for saving your hide. +And that's all the gratitude I get for saving your hide. The truth, now -- was it my hide -- or the stamps? +The truth, now -- was it my hide -- or the stamps? What a terrible thing to say. How could you even think that? +What a terrible thing to say. How could you even think that? All right, prove it to me -- tell me to go to the Embassy first thing in the morning and turn in those stamps. +I said, tell me to go to the -- I heard you, I heard you. +I heard you, I heard you. Then say it. +Then say it. Reggie -- listen to me -- +Reggie -- listen to me -- Never mind -- I'll go by myself. +Never mind -- I'll go by myself. What makes you think they're even interested? It's only a quarter of a million -- it'll cost more than that to fix up their bookkeeping. As a taxpayer -- +I'm sorry -- my secretary must have gone to lunch. You are -- ? Mrs. Lampert -- Mrs. Charles Lampert. +Mrs. Lampert -- Mrs. Charles Lampert. Come in, Mrs. Lampert. You're quite late. +Dry-cleaningwise, things are all fouled up. I had a good man -- an excellent man on the Rue Ponthieu, but H.Q. asked us to use the plant here in the building -- to ease the gold outflow. Mr. Bartholomew -- are you sure you know who I am? +Mr. Bartholomew -- are you sure you know who I am? Charles Lampert's widow -- yes? Last time I sent out a tie only the spot came back. +Have some, please. I've got... ...liverwurst -- liverwurst -- chicken and -- liverwurst. No thanks. +Do you know what C.I.A. is, Mrs. Lampert? I don't suppose it's an airline, is it? +I don't suppose it's an airline, is it? Central Intelligence Agency -- C.I.A. +Central Intelligence Agency -- C.I.A. You mean spies and things like that? +You mean spies and things like that? Only we call them agents. +Only we call them agents. We? You mean you're --? +We? You mean you're --? Someone has to do it, Mrs. Lampert -- +Someone has to do it, Mrs. Lampert -- I'm sorry, it's just that I didn't think that you people were supposed to admit -- +I'm sorry, it's just that I didn't think that you people were supposed to admit -- I'm not an agent, Mrs. Lampert -- I'm an administrator -- a desk jockey -- trying to run a bureau of overworked men with under-allocated funds. Congress seems to think that all a spy needs -- +I'm not an agent, Mrs. Lampert -- I'm an administrator -- a desk jockey -- trying to run a bureau of overworked men with under-allocated funds. Congress seems to think that all a spy needs -- Agent. +Agent. Yes -- That all he needs is a code book and a cyanide pill and he's in business. +Yes -- That all he needs is a code book and a cyanide pill and he's in business. What's all this got to do with me, Mr. Bartholomew? +What's all this got to do with me, Mr. Bartholomew? Your husband was wanted by the U. S. government. +Your husband was wanted by the U. S. government. May I have a sandwich, please? +To be more specific, he was wanted by this agency. So that was it. +So that was it. Yes. We knew him, of course, by his real name. +Yes. We knew him, of course, by his real name. His -- real -- ? +His -- real -- ? Voss -- Charles Voss. All right, Mrs. Voss -- -- I'd like you to look at this photograph, please -- by the way, you saw this one, didn't you? Scott, Cathy, and Ham, Jr. +Voss -- Charles Voss. All right, Mrs. Voss -- -- I'd like you to look at this photograph, please -- by the way, you saw this one, didn't you? Scott, Cathy, and Ham, Jr. Very sweet. +Very sweet. Aren't they? Now look at this one, Mrs. Voss, and -- +Aren't they? Now look at this one, Mrs. Voss, and -- Stop calling me that! Lampert's the name on the marriage license. +Stop calling me that! Lampert's the name on the marriage license. Yes -- and tell me if you recognize anyone. Just a moment. Have a good look. +Mrs. Lampert, I'm afraid you're in a great deal of danger. Danger? Why should I be in any danger? +Danger? Why should I be in any danger? You're Charles Voss's wife -- now that he's dead you're their only lead. +You're Charles Voss's wife -- now that he's dead you're their only lead. Mr. Bartholomew -- if you're trying to frighten me you're doing a really first-rate job! +Mr. Bartholomew -- if you're trying to frighten me you're doing a really first-rate job! Please, do what we ask, Mrs. Lampert -- it's your only chance. +Please, do what we ask, Mrs. Lampert -- it's your only chance. Gladly, only I don't know what you want! You haven't told me. +Gladly, only I don't know what you want! You haven't told me. Oh, haven't I? The money -- Mrs. Lampert -- the money. The $250,000 Charles Voss received from the auction. Those three men want it, too -- they want it very badly. +Oh, haven't I? The money -- Mrs. Lampert -- the money. The $250,000 Charles Voss received from the auction. Those three men want it, too -- they want it very badly. But it's Charles's money, not theirs. +But it's Charles's money, not theirs. Oh, Mrs. Lampert! I'd love to see you try and convince them of that! Oh, dear. +Oh, Mrs. Lampert! I'd love to see you try and convince them of that! Oh, dear. Then whose is it? His or theirs? +Then whose is it? His or theirs? Ours. +Ours. Oh, I see. +Oh, I see. And I'm afraid we want it back. +And I'm afraid we want it back. But I don't have it. +But I don't have it. That's impossible. You're the only one who could have it. +That's impossible. You're the only one who could have it. I'm sorry it's impossible. It's the truth. +I believe you. Thanks very much. +Thanks very much. Oh, you've got the money all right -- you just don't know you've got it. +Oh, you've got the money all right -- you just don't know you've got it. Mr. Bartholomew -- if I had a quarter of a million dollars, believe me, I'd know it. +Mr. Bartholomew -- if I had a quarter of a million dollars, believe me, I'd know it. Nevertheless, Mrs Lampert -- you've got it. +Nevertheless, Mrs Lampert -- you've got it. You mean it's just lying around someplace -- all that cash? +You mean it's just lying around someplace -- all that cash? Or a safe deposit key, a certified check, a baggage claim -- you look for it, Mrs. Lampert -- I'm quite sure you'll find it. +Or a safe deposit key, a certified check, a baggage claim -- you look for it, Mrs. Lampert -- I'm quite sure you'll find it. But -- +But -- Look for it, Mrs. Lampert -- look just as hard and as fast as you can. You may not have a great deal of time. Those men know you have it just as surely as we do. You won't be safe until the money's in our hands. Is that clear? +Here's where you're to call me -- day or night. It's a direct line to both my office and my apartment. Don't lose it, Mrs. Lampert -- and please don't tell anyone about coming to see me. It could prove fatal for them as well as yourself. Wait a minute -- you think those three men killed Charles, don't you? +Wait a minute -- you think those three men killed Charles, don't you? We've no proof, of course, but we rather think so, yes. +We've no proof, of course, but we rather think so, yes. Well, there you are! Charles had the money with him -- so whoever killed him has it -- they have it! +Why not? Because they're still here. +Because they're still here. Oh. +Oh. Like I said, Mrs Lampert -- I'm afraid you're in a great deal of danger. Remember what happened to Charles. +I don't know who this Mr. Dyle is, but it's just possible we were wrong about who killed your husband. You mean he might have -- Mr. Bartholomew, I'm catching the next plane out of here -- I'm not going to sit here and wait for someone to make chopped liver out of me! +You mean he might have -- Mr. Bartholomew, I'm catching the next plane out of here -- I'm not going to sit here and wait for someone to make chopped liver out of me! Where are you now -- can you meet me? Do you know Les Halles? +Where are you now -- can you meet me? Do you know Les Halles? Yes, where? -- in fifteen minutes. I'll be there. +What did you want to see me about, Mr. Bartholomew? Were you followed? +Were you followed? Yes, but I lost him. I really did it quite brilliantly. I'm beginning to think women make the best spies. +Yes, but I lost him. I really did it quite brilliantly. I'm beginning to think women make the best spies. Agents. +Agents. He has a gun, Mr. Bartholomew -- I saw it. +He has a gun, Mr. Bartholomew -- I saw it. Who? +Who? Dyle, or whatever his name is. +Dyle, or whatever his name is. What does your Mr. Dyle look like, Mrs. Lampert? +What does your Mr. Dyle look like, Mrs. Lampert? He's hardly my Mr. Dyle. +He's hardly my Mr. Dyle. Describe him. +Describe him. Well -- he's tall -- over six feet -- rather thin -- in good physical shape, I'd say -- dark eyes -- quite handsome, really. +Well -- he's tall -- over six feet -- rather thin -- in good physical shape, I'd say -- dark eyes -- quite handsome, really. No. +No. No, what? +No, what? That's not Carson Dyle. +That's not Carson Dyle. Carson? +Carson? There's only one Dyle connected with this affair, Mrs. Lampert -- that's Carson. +There's only one Dyle connected with this affair, Mrs. Lampert -- that's Carson. You mean you've known about him all along? Why didn't you tell me? +Mr. Bartholomew -- why didn't you tell me you knew about Dyle? I didn't see any point. Dyle's dead. +I didn't see any point. Dyle's dead. Dead? Mr. Bartholomew -- maybe you'd better tell me what this thing's all about. +I suppose you're old enough to have heard of World War Two? Barely, yes. +Barely, yes. In 1944, five members of the O.S.S. -- the military espionage unit -- were ordered behind the German lines for the purpose of delivering $250,000 in gold to the French Underground. The five men -- +Café. Gratinée, choucroute garnie, salade de pommes -- et un ballon de rouge. +Gratinée, choucroute garnie, salade de pommes -- et un ballon de rouge. Mrs. Lampert, I really hadn't planned on spending the entire night here. +Mrs. Lampert, I really hadn't planned on spending the entire night here. Can I at least keep the onion soup? +Go on, please -- five men -- $250,000 -- the French Underground -- Yes. The five men. They were, of course, your husband, Charles, the three men who showed up at his funeral yesterday, and Carson Dyle. But something went wrong and they were unable to locate their contact. It must have been at that point that they decided to steal the money. +Yes. The five men. They were, of course, your husband, Charles, the three men who showed up at his funeral yesterday, and Carson Dyle. But something went wrong and they were unable to locate their contact. It must have been at that point that they decided to steal the money. Steal it how? +Steal it how? By burying it, and then reporting that the Germans had captured it. All they had to do was come back after the war, dig it up and split it five ways -- a quarter of a million dollars with no questions asked. +By burying it, and then reporting that the Germans had captured it. All they had to do was come back after the war, dig it up and split it five ways -- a quarter of a million dollars with no questions asked. May I have a cigarette, please? +Have you any idea what these things cost over here? Please go on, Mr. Bartholomew -- what happened then? +Please go on, Mr. Bartholomew -- what happened then? Scobie was able to travel, but Carson Dyle was clearly dying, so they -- +Carson was dying so they were forced to leave him. They finally got back to the base, made their report, and waited for the war to end. Only Charles couldn't wait quite as long as the others. He beat them back to the gold, took everything for himself and disappeared. It's taken Gideon, Tex and Scobie all this time to catch up with him again. But if they stole all that money -- why can't you arrest them? +But if they stole all that money -- why can't you arrest them? We know what happened from the bits and pieces we were able to paste together -- but we still have no proof. +We know what happened from the bits and pieces we were able to paste together -- but we still have no proof. But what has all this got to do with the C.I.O.? +But what has all this got to do with the C.I.O.? C.I.A., Mrs. Lampert. We're an extension of the wartime O.S.S. It was our money and we want it back. +C.I.A., Mrs. Lampert. We're an extension of the wartime O.S.S. It was our money and we want it back. I'm sorry, Mr. Bartholomew, but nothing you've told me has changed my mind. I still intend leaving Paris -- tonight. +I'm sorry, Mr. Bartholomew, but nothing you've told me has changed my mind. I still intend leaving Paris -- tonight. I wouldn't advise that, Mrs. Lampert. You'd better consider what happened to your husband when he tried to leave. Those men won't be very far away -- no matter where you go. In fact, I don't even see any point in your changing hotels. Please help us, Mrs. Lampert. Your government is counting on you. +I wouldn't advise that, Mrs. Lampert. You'd better consider what happened to your husband when he tried to leave. Those men won't be very far away -- no matter where you go. In fact, I don't even see any point in your changing hotels. Please help us, Mrs. Lampert. Your government is counting on you. Well, if I'm going to die, I might as well do it for my country. +Well, if I'm going to die, I might as well do it for my country. That's the spirit. +That's the spirit. Oh, stop it. What do you want me to do? +Oh, stop it. What do you want me to do? We're anxious to know who this man is -- the one calling himself Dyle. +We're anxious to know who this man is -- the one calling himself Dyle. Maybe he really is Dyle. He could still be alive. +Maybe he really is Dyle. He could still be alive. No, Mrs. Lampert. +No, Mrs. Lampert. But no one actually saw him die. +But no one actually saw him die. No, Mrs. Lampert. His death is registered with the War Department in Washington. +No, Mrs. Lampert. His death is registered with the War Department in Washington. Oh. Then who's this one? +Oh. Then who's this one? I don't know -- but I think you'd better find out, don't you? +I don't know -- but I think you'd better find out, don't you? Me? Why me? +Me? Why me? You're in an ideal position -- he trusts you. Besides, you said yourself, women make the best spies. +You're in an ideal position -- he trusts you. Besides, you said yourself, women make the best spies. Agents. +Yes -- ? Mrs. Lampert? -- Bartholomew. I've spoken to Washington, Mrs. Lampert -- +Mrs. Lampert? -- Bartholomew. I've spoken to Washington, Mrs. Lampert -- Go ahead, Mr. Bartholomew -- I'm listening. +Go ahead, Mr. Bartholomew -- I'm listening. I told them what you said -- about this man being Carson Dyle's brother. I asked them what they knew about it and they told me -- you're not gonna like this, Mrs. Lampert -- they told me Carson Dyle has no brother. +Are you sure there's no mistake? None whatsoever. Please, Mrs. Lampert -- be careful. +Just a minute, Mrs. Lampert -- you'd better give that to me slowly. Who's Adam? The one who said he was Dyle's brother -- of course I'm sure -- Tex wrote the word 'Dyle' before he died. He's the murderer I tell you -- he's the only one left! You've got to do something! +The one who said he was Dyle's brother -- of course I'm sure -- Tex wrote the word 'Dyle' before he died. He's the murderer I tell you -- he's the only one left! You've got to do something! Calm down, Mrs. Lampert -- please. Does he have the money? +Calm down, Mrs. Lampert -- please. Does he have the money? No, I do -- it was the stamps on that letter Charles had with him on the train. They were in plain sight all the time, but no one ever bothered looking at the envelope. +No, I do -- it was the stamps on that letter Charles had with him on the train. They were in plain sight all the time, but no one ever bothered looking at the envelope. The envelope -- imagine that. Mrs. Lampert, listen to me -- you're not safe as long as you've got these stamps. Go to the Embassy right away -- wait, I'd better meet you halfway -- it's quicker. Now, let's see -- do you know the center garden at the Palais Royal? -- yes, by the colonnade -- as soon as you can get there. Hurry, Mrs. Lampert. +The envelope -- imagine that. Mrs. Lampert, listen to me -- you're not safe as long as you've got these stamps. Go to the Embassy right away -- wait, I'd better meet you halfway -- it's quicker. Now, let's see -- do you know the center garden at the Palais Royal? -- yes, by the colonnade -- as soon as you can get there. Hurry, Mrs. Lampert. Yes, I'm leaving now -- goodbye. +It's Charles! Very good. +Very good. He looks so young -- when was this taken? +He looks so young -- when was this taken? 1944. The next face, please. +It's the man who came to the funeral yesterday -- I'm sure of it -- a tall man in a corduroy suit and string tie. Does the name Tex Penthollow mean anything to you? +Does the name Tex Penthollow mean anything to you? No. +No. Next, please. +Yes -- and he was there, too -- a little fatter now -- and less hair -- but it's the same one. Do you know him, Mrs. Vo -- Mrs. Lampert? Leopold W. Gideon? +Do you know him, Mrs. Vo -- Mrs. Lampert? Leopold W. Gideon? No. +No. The last one, please. +That's a face you don't forget -- he was there too -- Herman Scobie. And you've never seen him before, either? +Herman Scobie. And you've never seen him before, either? No, thank heaven. +Well, of all the mean, rotten, contemptible, crooked -- Crooked? I should think you'd be glad to find out I wasn't crooked. +Crooked? I should think you'd be glad to find out I wasn't crooked. You couldn't even be honest about being dishonest. Why didn't you say something? +You couldn't even be honest about being dishonest. Why didn't you say something? We're not allowed to tell. May I have the stamps, please? +We're not allowed to tell. May I have the stamps, please? Here -- Wait a minute -- how did Carson Dyle get an office in here, anyway? +Here -- Wait a minute -- how did Carson Dyle get an office in here, anyway? When did you see him -- what time, I mean? +When did you see him -- what time, I mean? Around one. +Around one. The lunch hour. He probably worked it out in advance. He found an office that was usually left open and just moved in for the time you were here. +The lunch hour. He probably worked it out in advance. He found an office that was usually left open and just moved in for the time you were here. Then how do I know this is your office? +Then how do I know this is your office? Mrs. Foster -- send a memo to Bartholomew at Security recommending that -- +Mrs. Foster -- send a memo to Bartholomew at Security recommending that -- Bartholomew? +Bartholomew? -- recommending that all Embassy offices be locked during the lunch hour. +-- recommending that all Embassy offices be locked during the lunch hour. Starting with his own. +Starting with his own. Okay, now -- hand over those stamps. +Okay, now -- hand over those stamps. What's your first name today? +What's your first name today? Brian. +Brian. Brian Cruikshank -- it would serve me right if I got stuck with that one. +Brian Cruikshank -- it would serve me right if I got stuck with that one. Who asked you to get stuck with any of them? +Who asked you to get stuck with any of them? Is there a Mrs. Cruikshank? +Is there a Mrs. Cruikshank? Yes. +Yes. But you're -- divorced? +But you're -- divorced? No. +No. Oh. +Oh. My mother -- she lives in Detroit. Come on now -- give me those stamps. +My mother -- she lives in Detroit. Come on now -- give me those stamps. Only if you can prove to me that you're really Brian Cruikshank. +Only if you can prove to me that you're really Brian Cruikshank. How about if next week some time I put it on a marriage license -- that ought to -- +How about if next week some time I put it on a marriage license -- that ought to -- Quit stalling -- I want to see some identification -- now! +Quit stalling -- I want to see some identification -- now! I wouldn't lie on a thing like that -- I could go to jail. +I wouldn't lie on a thing like that -- I could go to jail. You'd lie about anything. +You'd lie about anything. Well, maybe we'd better forget about it, then. +Well, maybe we'd better forget about it, then. You can't prove it, can you? You're still trying to -- marriage license! Did you say -- ? +You can't prove it, can you? You're still trying to -- marriage license! Did you say -- ? I didn't say anything. Will you give me those stamps? +I didn't say anything. Will you give me those stamps? You did too say it -- I heard you. Oh, I love you Adam -- I mean Alex -- er, Peter -- Brian. I hope we have lots of boys -- we can name them all after you. +You did too say it -- I heard you. Oh, I love you Adam -- I mean Alex -- er, Peter -- Brian. I hope we have lots of boys -- we can name them all after you. Before we start on that, do you mind handing over the stamps? +If you do anything funny, or try to talk to anyone, I'll kill you, Dyle -- here and now. Okay? You'll wreck your raincoat. +What now? We wait -- with our mouths shut. +How long do you intend -- ? I said with the mouth shut. +Sorry about that. Okay -- up there. +Do I knock or something? Open it. +Keep going. The view had better be worth it. +Very pretty. Now what? I'll give you a chance, Dyle -- which is more than you'd give me. Where's the money? +I'll give you a chance, Dyle -- which is more than you'd give me. Where's the money? Is that why you dragged me all the way up here -- to ask me that? She has it -- you know that. +Is that why you dragged me all the way up here -- to ask me that? She has it -- you know that. And I say maybe you both have it! One more time, Dyle -- where is it? +And I say maybe you both have it! One more time, Dyle -- where is it? Supposing I did have it -- which I don't -- do you really think I'd hand it over? +Supposing I did have it -- which I don't -- do you really think I'd hand it over? You're out, Dyle -- right now! +Back where? That's the idea. +And stop threatening that boy. He doesn't have the money. Mrs. Lampert doesn't either. Then who does? +Then who does? I don't know, Herman -- maybe you do. +I don't know, Herman -- maybe you do. Me? +Me? Or you -- Or you -- +That's a crock! If one of us did that he wouldn't hang around here waiting for the other two to wise up. But he'd have to. If he left he'd be admitting his guilt -- and the others would know what happened. Whoever it is has to wait here, pretending to look for the money, waiting for the rest of us to give up and go home. That's when he'll be safe and not a minute before. +He's just tryin' to throw us off! They've got it, I tell you! Why don't we search their rooms? It's all right with us -- +Not my room! What's wrong, Herman -- have you got something to hide? Then I take it there are no objections. +We'd better exchange keys. Here's mine. I'll take that. +Good morning, Mr. Dyle. Reggie? +Reggie? It's the only name I've got. How about you? +It's the only name I've got. How about you? No cat and mouse -- you've got me. What do you want to know? +No cat and mouse -- you've got me. What do you want to know? Why you lied to me. +Why you lied to me. I had to -- for all I knew you could have been in on the whole thing. +I had to -- for all I knew you could have been in on the whole thing. Well, you know now, so please tell me who you are. +Well, you know now, so please tell me who you are. But you know my name -- it's Dyle. +But you know my name -- it's Dyle. Carson Dyle is dead. +Carson Dyle is dead. Yes, he is. He was my brother. +Yes, he is. He was my brother. Your -- +Your -- The army thinks he was killed in action by the Germans, but I think they did it -- Tex, Gideon and Scobie -- and your husband -- because he wouldn't go along with their scheme to steal the gold. I think he threatened to turn them in and they killed him. I'm trying to prove it. They think I'm working with them. But I'm not, and that's the truth. I'm on your side, Reggie -- please believe that. +The army thinks he was killed in action by the Germans, but I think they did it -- Tex, Gideon and Scobie -- and your husband -- because he wouldn't go along with their scheme to steal the gold. I think he threatened to turn them in and they killed him. I'm trying to prove it. They think I'm working with them. But I'm not, and that's the truth. I'm on your side, Reggie -- please believe that. How can I? You lied to me -- the way Charles did -- and after promising you wouldn't. Oh, I want to believe you, Peter... oh, but I can't call you that anymore, can I? It will take me a while to get used to your new name -- which I don't even know yet. What is it? Aren't you going to tell me? Hello -- ? +Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to -- What happened? I met a man with sharp nails. +I met a man with sharp nails. Scobie? +Scobie? I left him hanging around the American Express. +I left him hanging around the American Express. Come on -- I've got something that stings like crazy. +Listen -- all I really want is an estimate. It's not so bad. You may not be able to lie on your back for a few days -- but, then, you can lie from any position, can't you? +Does it hurt? Haven't you got a bullet I can bite? +Are you really Carson Dyle's brother? Would you like to see my passport? +Would you like to see my passport? Your passport! What kind of a proof is that? +Your passport! What kind of a proof is that? Would you like to see where I was tattooed? +Would you like to see where I was tattooed? Sure. +Sure. Okay, I'll drive you around there some day. Ouch! +Okay, I'll drive you around there some day. Ouch! Ha ha. You could at least tell me what your first name is these days. +Ha ha. You could at least tell me what your first name is these days. Alexander. +Alexander. Is there a Mrs. Dyle? +Is there a Mrs. Dyle? Yes, but we're divorced. +Yes, but we're divorced. I thought that was Peter Joshua. +I thought that was Peter Joshua. I'm no easier to live with than he was. +I'm no easier to live with than he was. There -- you're a new man. +I'm sorry I couldn't tell you the truth, but I had to find out your part in all this. Alex -- how can you tell if someone is lying or not? +Alex -- how can you tell if someone is lying or not? You can't. +You can't. There must be some way. +There must be some way. There's an old riddle about two tribes of Indians -- the Whitefeet always tell the truth and the Blackfeet always lie. So one day you meet an Indian, you ask him if he's a truthful Whitefoot or a lying Blackfoot? He tells you he's a truthful Whitefoot, but which one is he? +There's an old riddle about two tribes of Indians -- the Whitefeet always tell the truth and the Blackfeet always lie. So one day you meet an Indian, you ask him if he's a truthful Whitefoot or a lying Blackfoot? He tells you he's a truthful Whitefoot, but which one is he? Why couldn't you just look at his feet? +Why couldn't you just look at his feet? Because he's wearing moccasins. +Because he's wearing moccasins. Oh. Well, then he's a truthful Whitefoot, of course. +Oh. Well, then he's a truthful Whitefoot, of course. Why not a lying Blackfoot? +Why not a lying Blackfoot? Which one are you? +Which one are you? Whitefoot, of course. +Whitefoot, of course. Come here. +I hope it turns out you're a Whitefoot, Alex -- I could be very happy hanging around the tepee. Reggie -- listen to me -- +Reggie -- listen to me -- Oh-oh -- here it comes. The fatherly talk. You forget I'm already a widow. +Oh-oh -- here it comes. The fatherly talk. You forget I'm already a widow. So was Juliet -- at fifteen. +So was Juliet -- at fifteen. I'm not fifteen. +I'm not fifteen. Well, there's your trouble right there -- you're too old for me. +Well, there's your trouble right there -- you're too old for me. Why can't you be serious? +Why can't you be serious? There, you said it. +There, you said it. Said what? +Said what? Serious. When a man gets to be my age that's the last word he ever wants to hear. I don't want to be serious -- and I especially don't want you to be. +Serious. When a man gets to be my age that's the last word he ever wants to hear. I don't want to be serious -- and I especially don't want you to be. Okay -- I'll tell you what -- we'll just sit around all day long being frivolous -- how about that? +Now please, Reggie -- cut it out. Okay. +Okay. What are you doing? +What are you doing? Cutting it out. +Cutting it out. Who told you to do that? +Who told you to do that? You did. +You did. But I'm not through complaining yet. +But I'm not through complaining yet. Oh. +Now please, Reggie -- cut it out. I think I love you, Alex -- +The phone's ringing -- Whoever it is won't give up -- and neither will I. +They've got Jean-Louis! That sounds like their problem. +That sounds like their problem. I'll be right there. +What day is it? Tuesday. +Tuesday. Lord, I forgot all about it -- Sylvie works late Tuesday nights -- she always leaves him with me. They wouldn't do anything to a little boy, would they? +Lord, I forgot all about it -- Sylvie works late Tuesday nights -- she always leaves him with me. They wouldn't do anything to a little boy, would they? I don't know -- it depends on whether or not they've already eaten. +Hello, Herman, it was a happy landing, I see. I'd better call Sylvie -- she must be frantic. +Come on -- let's get busy. Who gets your vote? Scobie -- he's the one that objected. +Scobie -- he's the one that objected. He's all yours. I'll do Tex and Gideon. Take Jean-Louis with you -- and make sure you bolt the door from inside. +He's all yours. I'll do Tex and Gideon. Take Jean-Louis with you -- and make sure you bolt the door from inside. Viens, Jean-Louis -- we're going to have a treasure hunt. +Reggie -- ? Did you find it? No. +Who do you think did it -- Gideon? Maybe. +Maybe. Or Tex? +Or Tex? Maybe. +Maybe. You're a big help. Can I have one of those? +I think Tex did it. Why? +Why? Because I really suspect Gideon -- and it is always the person you don't suspect. +Because I really suspect Gideon -- and it is always the person you don't suspect. Do women think it's feminine to be so illogical -- or can't they help it? +Do women think it's feminine to be so illogical -- or can't they help it? What's so illogical about that? +What's so illogical about that? A) It's always the person you don't suspect; B) that means you think it's Tex because you really suspect Gideon; therefore C) if you think it's Tex, it has to be someone else -- Gideon. +A) It's always the person you don't suspect; B) that means you think it's Tex because you really suspect Gideon; therefore C) if you think it's Tex, it has to be someone else -- Gideon. Oh. I guess they just can't help it. +Oh. I guess they just can't help it. Who? +Who? Women. You know, I can't help feeling rather sorry for Scobie. Wouldn't it be nice if we were like that? +Women. You know, I can't help feeling rather sorry for Scobie. Wouldn't it be nice if we were like that? What -- like Scobie? +What -- like Scobie? No -- Gene Kelly. Remember the way he danced down there next to the river in 'American in Paris' -- without a care in the world? This is good, want some? +I'd love some, thanks. I'm sorry. +No sense messing up the streets. Alex -- +Alex -- Hm? +Hm? I'm scared. +I'm scared. Don't worry, I'm not going to hit you. +Don't worry, I'm not going to hit you. No, about Scobie, I mean. I can't think of any reason why he was killed. +Maybe somebody felt that four shares were too many -- What makes you think that this somebody will be satisfied with three? He wants it all, Alex -- that means we're in his way, too. +What makes you think that this somebody will be satisfied with three? He wants it all, Alex -- that means we're in his way, too. Yes, I know. +Yes, I know. First your brother, then Charles, now Scobie -- we've got to do something! Any minute now we could be assassinated! Would you do anything like that? +First your brother, then Charles, now Scobie -- we've got to do something! Any minute now we could be assassinated! Would you do anything like that? What? Assassinate somebody? +What? Assassinate somebody? No -- +Hurry up and change -- I'm starved. Let me know what you want -- I'll pick a suit that matches. +Got you. Did you ever hear the story of the boy who cried wolf? +Did you ever hear the story of the boy who cried wolf? The shower's in there. +Reggie -- open the door. This is a ludicrous situation. There must be dozens of men dying to use my shower. +This is a ludicrous situation. There must be dozens of men dying to use my shower. Then I suggest you call one of them. +Then I suggest you call one of them. I dare you. +What are you doing? Have you ever heard of anyone taking a shower with his shoes on? What a nut. +I usually sing a medley of old favorites when I bathe -- any requests? Shut the door! +Shut the door! I don't think I know that one. +The suit needs it more than I do, anyway. How often do you go through this little ritual? +Every day. The manufacturer recommends it. I don't believe it. +Reggie -- you haven't spoken a word in twenty minutes. I keep thinking about Charles and Scobie -- and the one who's going to be next -- me? +I keep thinking about Charles and Scobie -- and the one who's going to be next -- me? Nothing's going to happen to you while I'm around -- I want you to believe that. +Nothing's going to happen to you while I'm around -- I want you to believe that. How can I believe it when you don't even know who the killer is? I've got that right, haven't I? You don't know who did it. +How can I believe it when you don't even know who the killer is? I've got that right, haven't I? You don't know who did it. No -- not yet. +No -- not yet. But then if we sit back and wait, the field should start narrowing down, shouldn't it? Whoever's left alive at the end will pretty well have sewn up the nomination, wouldn't you say so? +But then if we sit back and wait, the field should start narrowing down, shouldn't it? Whoever's left alive at the end will pretty well have sewn up the nomination, wouldn't you say so? Are you trying to say that I might have killed Charles and Scobie? +What do I have to do to satisfy you -- become the next victim? It's a start, anyway. +It's a start, anyway. I don't understand you at all -- one minute you're chasing me around the shower room and the next you're accusing me of murder. +I don't understand you at all -- one minute you're chasing me around the shower room and the next you're accusing me of murder. Carson Dyle didn't have a brother. +I can explain if you'll just listen. Will you listen? I can't very well leave without a pair of water wings. +I can't very well leave without a pair of water wings. Okay. Then get set for the story of my life -- not that it would ever make the best-seller list. +Okay. Then get set for the story of my life -- not that it would ever make the best-seller list. Fiction or non-fiction? +Fiction or non-fiction? Why don't you shut up! +Why don't you shut up! Well! +Well! Are you going to listen? +Are you going to listen? Go on. +Go on. After I graduated college I was all set to go into my father business. Umbrella frames -- that's what he made. It was a sensible business, I suppose, but I didn't have the sense to be interested in anything sensible. +After I graduated college I was all set to go into my father business. Umbrella frames -- that's what he made. It was a sensible business, I suppose, but I didn't have the sense to be interested in anything sensible. I suppose all this is leading somewhere? +I suppose all this is leading somewhere? It led me away from umbrella frames, for one thing. But that left me without any honest means of support. +It led me away from umbrella frames, for one thing. But that left me without any honest means of support. What do you mean? +What do you mean? When a man has no profession except the one he loathes, what's left? I began looking for people with more money than they'd ever need -- including some they'd barely miss. +When a man has no profession except the one he loathes, what's left? I began looking for people with more money than they'd ever need -- including some they'd barely miss. You mean, you're a thief? +You mean, you're a thief? Well, it isn't exactly the term I'd have chosen, but I suppose it captures the spirit of the thing. +Well, it isn't exactly the term I'd have chosen, but I suppose it captures the spirit of the thing. I don't believe it. +I don't believe it. Well, I can't really blame you -- not now. +Well, I can't really blame you -- not now. But I do believe it -- that's what I don't believe. So it's goodbye Alexander Dyle -- Welcome home Peter Joshua. +But I do believe it -- that's what I don't believe. So it's goodbye Alexander Dyle -- Welcome home Peter Joshua. Sorry, the name's Adam Canfield. +Sorry, the name's Adam Canfield. Adam Canfield. Wonderful. Do you realize you've had three names in the past two days? I don't even know who I'm talking to any more. +Adam Canfield. Wonderful. Do you realize you've had three names in the past two days? I don't even know who I'm talking to any more. The man's the same, even if the name isn't. +The man's the same, even if the name isn't. No -- he's not the same. Alexander Dyle was interested in clearing up his brother's death. Adam Canfield is a crook. And with all the advantages you've got -- brains, charm, education, a handsome face -- +Monsieur Félix -- ? I was expecting you. You are American too, of course. +I was expecting you. You are American too, of course. Yes. +Yes. The man who bought them last week was American. I did not see him but I heard. I knew you would come. +Have you ever, in your entire life, seen anything so beautiful? I'm -- I'm sorry -- I don't know anything about stamps. +I'm -- I'm sorry -- I don't know anything about stamps. I know them as one knows his own face, even though I have never seen them. This yellow one -- a Swedish four shilling -- called 'De Gula Fyraskillingen' -- issued in 1854. +I know them as one knows his own face, even though I have never seen them. This yellow one -- a Swedish four shilling -- called 'De Gula Fyraskillingen' -- issued in 1854. How much is it worth? +How much is it worth? The money is unimportant. +The money is unimportant. I'm afraid it is important. +I'm afraid it is important. In your money, perhaps $65,000. +In your money, perhaps $65,000. Do you mind if I sit down? What about the blue one? +Do you mind if I sit down? What about the blue one? It is called 'The Hawaiian Blue' and there are only seven left. In 1894 the owner of one was murdered by a rival collector who was obsessed to own it. +It is called 'The Hawaiian Blue' and there are only seven left. In 1894 the owner of one was murdered by a rival collector who was obsessed to own it. What's its value today? +What's its value today? In human life? In greed? In suffering? +In human life? In greed? In suffering? In money. +In money. Forty-five thousand. +Forty-five thousand. Do you have anything to eat? And the orange one -- what about the orange one? +Do you have anything to eat? And the orange one -- what about the orange one? A two-penny Mauritius -- issued in 1856. Not so rare as the others -- $30,000 perhaps. +A two-penny Mauritius -- issued in 1856. Not so rare as the others -- $30,000 perhaps. And the last one? +And the last one? The best for the last -- le chef- d'oeuvre de la collection. The masterpiece. It is the most valuable stamp in the world. It is called 'The Gazette Guyanne.' It was printed by hand on colored paper in 1852 and marked with the initials of the printer. Today it has a value of $100,000. Eh, bien -- I am not a thief. I knew there was some mistake. Take them. +The best for the last -- le chef- d'oeuvre de la collection. The masterpiece. It is the most valuable stamp in the world. It is called 'The Gazette Guyanne.' It was printed by hand on colored paper in 1852 and marked with the initials of the printer. Today it has a value of $100,000. Eh, bien -- I am not a thief. I knew there was some mistake. Take them. You gave the boy quite a lot of stamps in return, Monsieur Félix -- are they for sale now? +You gave the boy quite a lot of stamps in return, Monsieur Félix -- are they for sale now? Let me see. There are 350 European, 200 Asian, 175 American, 100 African and twelve Princess Grace commemorative -- which comes to nine francs fifty. +Let me see. There are 350 European, 200 Asian, 175 American, 100 African and twelve Princess Grace commemorative -- which comes to nine francs fifty. Here's ten. +Please keep it. I am a tradesman, Madame, not a doorman. And don't forget these. +I'm -- I'm sorry. No. For a few minutes they were mine -- that is enough. +That was a dumb move, Herman -- a dumb move. And then some. If you'd only told us you was goin' to her room we could've kept 'em busy -- +I suggest you get about your business -- nothing soothes Herman like success. That's right -- it's like ticklin' a alligator's belly. +What for? If it's not here, why bother him? And if it is? +And if it is? Why bother him? +You sure nuthin's missin'? No. The police have kindly provided us with a list. +There sure ain't nothin' here worth no quarter of a million. Not unless we're blind. +Not unless we're blind. You think that mebbe we're fishin' the wrong stream? +You think that mebbe we're fishin' the wrong stream? Meaning what? +Meaning what? You don't s'pose one o' us has it, like the man said -- I mean, that'd be pretty distasteful -- us bein' vet'rans o' the same war 'n' all. +You don't s'pose one o' us has it, like the man said -- I mean, that'd be pretty distasteful -- us bein' vet'rans o' the same war 'n' all. You know I'd tell you if I had it. +You know I'd tell you if I had it. Nachurly. Jus' like I'd tell you. +Nachurly. Jus' like I'd tell you. Nachurly. And that goes for Herman, too. +What do you mean, no? The kid said -- +Mrs. Lampert -- What do you want? +What do you want? Didn't Charles tell you, Mrs. Lampert? +Didn't Charles tell you, Mrs. Lampert? Tell me what? +Tell me what? It doesn't belong to you, Mrs. Lampert -- you do know that, don't you? +It doesn't belong to you, Mrs. Lampert -- you do know that, don't you? I don't know anything. +I don't know anything. Mrs. Lampert, any morning now you could wake up dead. +Mrs. Lampert, any morning now you could wake up dead. Leave me alone -- ! +Leave me alone -- ! Dead, Mrs. Lampert -- like last week's news -- like Charles, Mrs. Lampert -- +Dead, Mrs. Lampert -- like last week's news -- like Charles, Mrs. Lampert -- Stop it! +I'm afraid that will have to wait, Mrs. Lampert. But his mother -- +But his mother -- She isn't going to be anybody's mother unless you answer some questions. +Yes. I am Inspector Edouard Grandpierre of the Police Judiciaire. Would you be so kind as to come with me, please? +You loved him? I'm very cold. +We discovered your husband's body lying next to the tracks of the Paris- Bourdeaux railroad line. He was dressed only in his pajamas. Do you know of any reason why he might have wished to leave France? Leave? +Leave? Your husband possessed a ticket of passage on the 'Maranguape.' It sailed from Bordeaux for Maracaibo this morning at seven. +Your husband possessed a ticket of passage on the 'Maranguape.' It sailed from Bordeaux for Maracaibo this morning at seven. I'm very confused. +He was American? Swiss. +Swiss. Oh. Swiss. His profession? +Oh. Swiss. His profession? He didn't have one. +He didn't have one. He was a wealthy man? +He was a wealthy man? I don't know. I suppose so. +I don't know. I suppose so. About how wealthy would you say? +About how wealthy would you say? I don't know. +I don't know. Where did he keep his money? +Where did he keep his money? I don't know. +I don't know. Besides yourself, who is his nearest relation? +Besides yourself, who is his nearest relation? I don't know. +I don't know. C'est absurde, Madame. To-tale-ment absurde! +C'est absurde, Madame. To-tale-ment absurde! I know. I'm sorry. +I know. I'm sorry. It is all right. +Is it all right? I wish you wouldn't. +"One wallet containing four thousand francs -- one agenda -- -- his last notation was made yesterday -- Thursday -- ""Five p.m. -- Jardin des Champs- Elysées"" Why there?" I don't know. Perhaps he met somebody. +I don't know. Perhaps he met somebody. Obviously. One ticket of passage to South America -- one letter, stamped but unsealed, addressed to you -- +Obviously. One ticket of passage to South America -- one letter, stamped but unsealed, addressed to you -- A letter? May I see it? +"""My dear Regina: I hope you are enjoying your holiday. Megeve can be so lovely this time of year. The days pass very slowly and I hope to see you soon. As always, Charles. P.S. Your dentist called yesterday. Your appointment has been changed."" Not very much, is it?" We took the liberty of calling your dentist -- we thought, perhaps, we would learn something. +We took the liberty of calling your dentist -- we thought, perhaps, we would learn something. Did you? +Did you? Yes. Your appointment has been changed. One key to your apartment -- one comb -- one fountain pen -- one toothbrush -- one tin of tooth powder -- that is all. +If you will sign this list you may take the things with you. Is that all? Can I go now? +Is that all? Can I go now? One more question. Is this your husband's passport? +Of course it is. And this? +I don't understand. And this? And this? +I was, too. In Mr. Dyle's room? +In Mr. Dyle's room? No -- in my room. +No -- in my room. It stands to reason you are telling the truth -- for why would you invent such a ridiculous story? +Oh, la. Don't tell me you didn't know it was loaded. Sylvie! +Yes, of course -- but if you went back and wrote me a letter -- -- you could have the stamps. I'll get you some here, okay? +-- you could have the stamps. I'll get you some here, okay? Okay. +Oh, la! If I find the treasure, will I win a prize? What should we give him? +Come on, now -- if you wanted to hide something, where would you put it? I know. I would bury it in the garden. +I know. I would bury it in the garden. Swell -- only this man doesn't have a garden. +Swell -- only this man doesn't have a garden. Oh. Neither do I. Voilà! +Oh. Neither do I. Voilà! Voilà what? +Voilà what? Up there! I would put it up there! +I hope I don't find any little hairy things living up here -- wait! There is something! If I can just -- yes, I'm getting it -- a case of some sort -- it's heavy. I found it! I found it! +I found it! I found it! If you think you're getting credit for this, you're crazy. +If you think you're getting credit for this, you're crazy. We won! We won! +Up there! It is up there! No, Jean-Louis. +Jean-Louis -- thank heavens! Do you have -- ! What's that? A man traded with me -- all those for only four. +A man traded with me -- all those for only four. Oh no! What man, Jean-Louis -- where? +But he is gone. I don't blame him. Jean-Louis -- do you know where this Monsieur Félix lives? +I don't blame him. Jean-Louis -- do you know where this Monsieur Félix lives? No -- but I will ask. +Oh, forgive me. Is this yours? It's hers. Where'd you find him, robbing a bank? +It's hers. Where'd you find him, robbing a bank? He was throwing snowballs at Baron Rothschild. We don't know each other, do we? +He was throwing snowballs at Baron Rothschild. We don't know each other, do we? Why, do you think we're going to? +Why, do you think we're going to? I don't know -- how would I know? +I don't know -- how would I know? I'm afraid I already know a great many people. Until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else. +I'm afraid I already know a great many people. Until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else. Yes, of course. But you will let me know if anyone goes on the critical list +Yes, of course. But you will let me know if anyone goes on the critical list Quitter. +Quitter. How's that? +How's that? You give up awfully easy, don't you? +Clever fellow -- almost missed me. I'm afraid you're blocking my view. +I'm afraid you're blocking my view. Sorry. Which view would you like? +Sorry. Which view would you like? The one you're blocking. This is the last chance I have -- I'm flying back to Paris this afternoon. What's your name? +The one you're blocking. This is the last chance I have -- I'm flying back to Paris this afternoon. What's your name? Peter Joshua. +Peter Joshua. I'm Regina Lampert. +I'm Regina Lampert. Is there a Mr. Lampert? +Is there a Mr. Lampert? Yes. +Yes. Good for you. +Good for you. No, it isn't. I'm getting a divorce. +No, it isn't. I'm getting a divorce. Please, not on my account. +Please, not on my account. No, you see, I don't really love him. +No, you see, I don't really love him. Well, you're honest, anyway. +Well, you're honest, anyway. Yes, I am -- I'm compulsive about it -- dishonesty infuriates me. Like when you go into a drugstore. +Yes, I am -- I'm compulsive about it -- dishonesty infuriates me. Like when you go into a drugstore. I'm not sure I -- +I'm not sure I -- Well, you go in and you ask for some toothpaste -- the small size -- and the man brings you the large size. You tell him you wanted the small size but he says the large size is the small size. I always thought the large size was the largest size, but he says that the family size, the economy size and the giant size are all larger than the large size -- that the large size is the smallest size there is. +Well, you go in and you ask for some toothpaste -- the small size -- and the man brings you the large size. You tell him you wanted the small size but he says the large size is the small size. I always thought the large size was the largest size, but he says that the family size, the economy size and the giant size are all larger than the large size -- that the large size is the smallest size there is. Oh. I guess. +Oh. I guess. Is there a Mrs. Joshua? +Is there a Mrs. Joshua? Yes, but we're divorced. +Yes, but we're divorced. That wasn't a proposal -- I was just curious. +That wasn't a proposal -- I was just curious. Is your husband with you? +Is your husband with you? Oh, Charles is hardly ever with me. First it was separate rooms -- now we're trying it with cities. What do people call you -- Pete? +Oh, Charles is hardly ever with me. First it was separate rooms -- now we're trying it with cities. What do people call you -- Pete? Mr. Joshua. Well, I've enjoyed talking with you. +Mr. Joshua. Well, I've enjoyed talking with you. Now you're angry. +Now you're angry. No, I'm not -- I've got some packing to do. I'm also going back to Paris today. +No, I'm not -- I've got some packing to do. I'm also going back to Paris today. "Oh. Well, wasn't it Shakespeare who said: ""When strangers do meet they should erelong see one another again""?" +"Oh. Well, wasn't it Shakespeare who said: ""When strangers do meet they should erelong see one another again""?" Shakespeare never said that. +Shakespeare never said that. How do you know? +How do you know? It's terrible -- you just made it up. +It's terrible -- you just made it up. Well, the idea's right, anyway. Are you going to call me? +Well, the idea's right, anyway. Are you going to call me? Are you in the book? +Are you in the book? Charles is. +Charles is. Is there only one Charles Lampert? +What are you doing here? I phoned but nobody answered. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am -- and to find out if there was anything I could do. +I phoned but nobody answered. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am -- and to find out if there was anything I could do. How did you find out? +How did you find out? It's in all the afternoon papers. I'm very sorry. +It's in all the afternoon papers. I'm very sorry. Thank you. +I rang the bell but I don't think it's working. Yes it is -- I heard it this morning. +Where did everything go? Charles sold it all -- at auction. +Charles sold it all -- at auction. Do you know what you're going to do? +Do you know what you're going to do? Try and get my old job back at UNESCO, I suppose. +Try and get my old job back at UNESCO, I suppose. Doing what? +Doing what? I'm a simultaneous translator -- like Sylvie, only she's English to French -- I'm French to English. That's what I did before I married Charles. The police probably think I killed him. +I'm a simultaneous translator -- like Sylvie, only she's English to French -- I'm French to English. That's what I did before I married Charles. The police probably think I killed him. Instant divorce you mean? +Instant divorce you mean? Something like that. But I'm sorry it ended like this -- tossed off a train like a sack of third-class mail. +Something like that. But I'm sorry it ended like this -- tossed off a train like a sack of third-class mail. Come on. You can't stay here. +Come on. You can't stay here. I don't know where to go. +I don't know where to go. We'll find you a hotel. +We'll find you a hotel. Not too expensive -- I'm not a lady of leisure anymore. +Not too expensive -- I'm not a lady of leisure anymore. Something modest but clean -- and near enough to UNESCO so you can take a cab when it rains -- okay? +Hallo, Peter. You telephoned me to meet you. I've been standing on the corner back there -- waiting for you. +You telephoned me to meet you. I've been standing on the corner back there -- waiting for you. I'm sorry -- I heard the children laughing. +What's going on? Don't you understand French? +Don't you understand French? I'm still having trouble with English. +I'm still having trouble with English. The man and the woman are married -- +Of course? I thought he was dead. He's only pretending, to teach her a lesson -- only -- only he is dead, Peter -- I saw him -- he's not pretending. Somebody threw him off a train. What am I going to do? +Right there, between your eyes -- see? Worry lines. You're much too young and too pretty to have anything like that. How about making me vice- president in charge of cheering you up? Starting tonight? +What was all that? Fun and games. Evidently we're the floorshow. +Fun and games. Evidently we're the floorshow. You mean you and me? +You mean you and me? No, everyone. Come on -- avanti, avanti! +En garde. Lay on, MacDuff. +What are you doing in here? Having a nervous breakdown. +You haven't said a word since we left the club -- what happened back there? I -- I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you or not. +I -- I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you or not. I don't think I follow you. +I don't think I follow you. He said if I told anybody it could prove fatal for them as well as me. +He said if I told anybody it could prove fatal for them as well as me. Who said? +Who said? That's what I'm not supposed to say. +That's what I'm not supposed to say. Stop this nonsense! If you're in some sort of trouble I want to know about it. +Stop this nonsense! If you're in some sort of trouble I want to know about it. Stop bullying me. Everybody's bullying me. +Stop bullying me. Everybody's bullying me. I wasn't -- +I wasn't -- Yes, you were -- you called it nonsense. Being murdered in cold blood isn't nonsense. Wait until it happens to you sometime. +You said this afternoon that your husband was mixed up in something. How do you shave in there? +How do you shave in there? What was it? +What was it? What was what? +What was what? What your husband was mixed up in. +What your husband was mixed up in. Look, I know it's asking you to stretch your imagination, but can't you pretend for a moment that I'm a woman and that you're a -- +Look, I know it's asking you to stretch your imagination, but can't you pretend for a moment that I'm a woman and that you're a -- Don't you know I could already be arrested for transporting a minor above the first floor? +We're here. Where? +Where? On the street where you live. +On the street where you live. How about once more around the park? +Him: 'Do you mind if I come in for a nightcap, Reggie?' Her: 'Well -- it is awfully late.' Him: 'Just one, all right?' Her: 'Promise you'll behave yourself.' Him: 'Sorry, baby, I never make promises I can't keep.' How would you like a spanking? +How would you like a spanking? How would you like a punch in the nose? Stop treating me like a child. +How would you like a punch in the nose? Stop treating me like a child. Then stop acting like one. If you're really in some kind of trouble, I'd like to hear about it. Otherwise, it's late, I'm tired and I'm going home to bed. +Then stop acting like one. If you're really in some kind of trouble, I'd like to hear about it. Otherwise, it's late, I'm tired and I'm going home to bed. Do you know what's wrong with you? +Do you know what's wrong with you? What? +What? Nothing. Good night. +Nothing. Good night. Good night. +Peter -- are you all right? I think I sprained my pride. Where'd he go? +I think I sprained my pride. Where'd he go? Out of the window, I guess -- I didn't see him. +Lock the door and the window -- and don't let anyone in except me. I'll be back in a minute. Be careful, Peter. +Be careful, Peter. You took the words right out of my mouth. +There was no trace of him. All right, Reggie -- suppose you tell me what this is all about. There are three men -- he's one of them -- they think I have something that belongs to them. +There are three men -- he's one of them -- they think I have something that belongs to them. What? +What? A quarter of a million dollars. +Go on. That's all. +That's all. No, it isn't -- where's the money? +No, it isn't -- where's the money? I don't know. Those men killed Charles to get it. But he must not have had it with him on the train. +I don't know. Those men killed Charles to get it. But he must not have had it with him on the train. So they think he left it with you. +So they think he left it with you. But he didn't! I've looked everywhere -- And if I don't find it -- Those men going to kill me. +No, they won't -- I won't let them. Please help me, Peter -- you're the only one I can trust. +Please help me, Peter -- you're the only one I can trust. Of course I'll help -- I told you I would, didn't I? Come on now -- +I'm so hungry I could faint. I've -- I've gotten your suit all wet. That's all right -- it's a drip-dry. +That's all right -- it's a drip-dry. Peter, you've got to promise me something. Promise you'll never lie the way Charles did. Why do people have to tell lies? +Peter, you've got to promise me something. Promise you'll never lie the way Charles did. Why do people have to tell lies? Usually it's because they want something -- and they're afraid the truth won't get it for them. +Usually it's because they want something -- and they're afraid the truth won't get it for them. Do you tell lies? +Who is it? The man you had the fight with. +Yes -- that's right. What is it, Reggie -- what's he saying? +What'd he say? He -- he said if I didn't give the money, he'll kill me. +He -- he said if I didn't give the money, he'll kill me. I wouldn't take that too seriously. +I wouldn't take that too seriously. I believe what he said. +I believe what he said. They're only trying to scare you, that's all. +They're only trying to scare you, that's all. How do you know what they're doing? +How do you know what they're doing? I don't -- but as long as they think you have the money, or know where it is, or have it without knowing where it is, or don't even know you have it -- +I don't -- but as long as they think you have the money, or know where it is, or have it without knowing where it is, or don't even know you have it -- What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? You mustn't let what he said bother you. It was only words. +You mustn't let what he said bother you. It was only words. Words can hurt very much. +Words can hurt very much. Go to sleep -- I'll see you in the morning. +Go to sleep -- I'll see you in the morning. Don't put yourself out. +Don't put yourself out. Hey -- I'm on your side. Remember that. +Hey -- I'm on your side. Remember that. Yes, I'll remember. Good night. +Yes, I'll remember. Good night. Good night. +Miz Lampert, ma'am... Yes? +Yes? Charlie had no call to handling it this-a-way. He sure didn't. No siree. +Charlie had no call to handling it this-a-way. He sure didn't. No siree. I don't understa-- +Howdy, Miz Lampert. Wha -- what do you want? +You know what I want, Miz Lampert... No -- no, I'm don't. +No -- no, I'm don't. Come on now -- sure you do. An' you'd better give it to me, Miz Lampert -- cuz I ain't foolin'. No sireebob! +Stop that! Don't make too much noise, Miz Lampert -- +It belongs to me, Miz Lampert -- an' if you don't give it to me your life ain't gonna be worth the paper it's printed on. You savvy what I'm sayin', Miz Lampert? Please stop -- please! +Please stop -- please! You think on it real careful-like, Miz Lampert -- y'hear? +Can you give me one good reason why I should? Yes, ma'am. A little one -- 'bout seven or eight years old. Th' little tyke keeps callin' you his Aunt Reggie -- ain't that cute? +Isn't there something constructive he can do -- like start an avalanche? Va jouer, mon ange. +Sylvie -- I'm getting a divorce. Ça alors! From Charles? +Ça alors! From Charles? He's the only husband I've got. I tried to make it work, I really have -- but -- +He's the only husband I've got. I tried to make it work, I really have -- but -- But what? +But what? I don't know how to explain it. I'm just too miserable. +But why do you want a divorce? Because I don't love him. +Because I don't love him. But that is no reason to get a divorce! +With a rich husband and this year's clothes you will not find it difficult to make some new friends. I admit I moved to Paris because I was tired of American Provincial, +He knows everything. Don't you want me to stay? +It's not exactly what I'd call a large turn-out. Didn't Charles have any friends? +Didn't Charles have any friends? Don't ask me -- I'm only the widow. If Charles had died in bed we wouldn't even have him. +Don't ask me -- I'm only the widow. If Charles had died in bed we wouldn't even have him. At least he knows how to behave at funerals. +Have you no idea who could have done it? Until two days ago all I really knew about Charles was his name -- now it turns out I didn't even know that. +Do you know him? I've never seen him before. +I've never seen him before. He must have known Charles pretty well. +He must have known Charles pretty well. How can you tell? +How can you tell? He's allergic to him. +Who is it from? The American Embassy. +What is it about? I don't know. But if this is a sample of American diplomacy I'm buying a fallout shelter. +I hope Jean-Louis understands about last night -- it's just not safe for him to be around me right now. Don't be silly -- he would not do anything. He is not yet old enough to be interested in girls. He says collecting stamps is much more satisfying to a man of his age. +Don't be silly -- he would not do anything. He is not yet old enough to be interested in girls. He says collecting stamps is much more satisfying to a man of his age. Hold it -- Italy just finished. They're recognizing Great Britain. +Hold it -- Italy just finished. They're recognizing Great Britain. Oh la vache! +Sylvie -- ? What are you doing here? Hello, Reggie -- I am waiting for Jean-Louis. +Hello, Reggie -- I am waiting for Jean-Louis. What's he up to? +What's he up to? He was so excited -- when he got the stamps you gave him this morning. He said he had never seen any like them. +He was so excited -- when he got the stamps you gave him this morning. He said he had never seen any like them. I'm glad. But what's all this? +I'm glad. But what's all this? The stamp market, of course -- it is here every Thursday afternoon. This is where Jean-Louis trades his -- +The stamp market, of course -- it is here every Thursday afternoon. This is where Jean-Louis trades his -- Good Lord! The stamps! Where is he? Sylvie -- we've got to find him! +Good Lord! The stamps! Where is he? Sylvie -- we've got to find him! What's the matter, chérie? +What's the matter, chérie? Those stamps -- they're worth a fortune! +Those stamps -- they're worth a fortune! What? +What? A fortune! Hurry -- we've got to find him! +I don't see him. We will separate -- you look over there. +We took all the chances. The money belongs to us, not him! Don't be un-neighborly-like, Herman -- don't forget he done us a little ol' favor. +Don't be un-neighborly-like, Herman -- don't forget he done us a little ol' favor. Yeah? What's that? +Yeah? What's that? He took care of Charlie for us. +Shoot no, not after all these years. Then he gets it out of your share, not mine! Not mine! +Howdy, Miz Lampert. Who invited you? +This ain't no game, Miz Lampert. We want that money -- now! +Yeah? I'm Lisa Sherman. Dylan's aunt. He asked me to come talk to you. +I'm Lisa Sherman. Dylan's aunt. He asked me to come talk to you. Why? +Why? He feels terrible about those things he said to you in school. +He feels terrible about those things he said to you in school. He should. Four guys hit on me today, and not because they find me intellectually stimulating. +He should. Four guys hit on me today, and not because they find me intellectually stimulating. I think I know how to restore your reputation. +I think I know how to restore your reputation. You do? +You do? Can I come in? I'll need to use the phone. +Yeah. Chris BERRINGER WAS PARKED OUTSIDE THE WINDOW. I wonder why it's so important to know if they fucked? +What I don't understand is why they asked Marliston if Rod was a virgin. They could have asked you Cindy. I never fucked Rod. +I never fucked Rod. Exactly. Then he must be a virgin. +If I'm so all-used-up Ben, why do you try to hook me up non-stop? As fucking if. +I think it's funny. Me too. I'm going to start telling people that I saw her drop to her knees and latch on to his unit vector. +I'm not fucking you. Not for all your CDS. You want me to die? I thought you and I were tight. +You want me to die? I thought you and I were tight. ARE YOU THE KILLER BEN? +ARE YOU THE KILLER BEN? WOULD that impress you? IS that what it takes to impress the empress? +WOULD that impress you? IS that what it takes to impress the empress? Your mind is just twisted enough. I believe you'd do all this just to get a dip or two. +I get all your CDs. Not my imports. +Not my imports. Ok not your imports. All your other CDS and your K2 snowboard. +Ok not your imports. All your other CDS and your K2 snowboard. That's an awful lot for ten minutes of beasting? +That's an awful lot for ten minutes of beasting? Don't flatter yourself. You'll be lucky to last ten seconds with me Ben. +One more time. I get the imports. +I get the imports. Ok! +You aren't planning to tell these kids that 'virgin' was tattooed into both Stacy and Rod, are you? No. +No. Good. +Good. But I am going to have to question all of their past boyfriends and girlfriends. +But I am going to have to question all of their past boyfriends and girlfriends. Fine, just don't mention the carving This is going to be a tough enough day as it is. +Hi Jody. I just wanted to check that you were okay? +Why'd you send for Lenny Marliston? The kids adore him. They confide in him. His patchouli reeking rear might know if Stacy and Rod were really virgins. Why didn't you ask Jody that? +The kids adore him. They confide in him. His patchouli reeking rear might know if Stacy and Rod were really virgins. Why didn't you ask Jody that? She's my daughter, Tom. +She's my daughter, Tom. So? +So? So you just don't point blank ask your teenage daughter about sex. +So you just don't point blank ask your teenage daughter about sex. Why not? You worried you might find out how much she actually knows? +If I'd gone public with this yesterday Annette Michaels might be alive today. Oh GOD Brent, is there anything you don't feel guilty about? +Oh GOD Brent, is there anything you don't feel guilty about? is there anything you do? +is there anything you do? Focus on the present. You always want to change the past. Let's figure out what you are going to tell the parents today, not what you should told them yesterday. +Focus on the present. You always want to change the past. Let's figure out what you are going to tell the parents today, not what you should told them yesterday. I'm going to tell them everything I know. I'm calling a town meeting for eight p.m. +I'm going to tell them everything I know. I'm calling a town meeting for eight p.m. You tell these people someone is out there killing virgins and we're going to have a goddamn fuckfest on our hands. +You tell these people someone is out there killing virgins and we're going to have a goddamn fuckfest on our hands. Better than a pile of dead teenagers. +IT'S LISA SHERMAN. But she still looks like we're eighteen. That's impossible. +That's impossible. I swear to God. It's her. She told Jody she was Kenny's 'AUNT LISA'. I'm getting this sickly feeling... +I swear to God. It's her. She told Jody she was Kenny's 'AUNT LISA'. I'm getting this sickly feeling... Calm down Brent. +It's almost ten o'clock. Daddy you scared me! +Daddy you scared me! You're grounded Friday night! +You're grounded Friday night! What? I WAS AT SANDY'S I JUST LOST TRACK OF TIME. +Your curfew is 9:30 and you know it, little miss. It won't happen again. +It won't happen again. You said that two weeks ago. +You said that two weeks ago. Dad ! Most of my friends can stay out until 11 on school nights and 1 on weekends! +Dad ! Most of my friends can stay out until 11 on school nights and 1 on weekends! They're not all the sheriff's daughter. Goodnight. +Hi honey. Hi Daddy. Hi Mr. Sisler. +I'm fine. I've just never had someone my age die before. It's so weird. How well did you know Stacy and Rod? +How well did you know Stacy and Rod? I've been in the same class with Stacy for years but we weren't tight or anything. +I've been in the same class with Stacy for years but we weren't tight or anything. Had either of them broken up with someone recently? Hurt someone? +Had either of them broken up with someone recently? Hurt someone? No. Those two were together before Kenny and I started hanging out and that's over, what, God a year now. +No. Those two were together before Kenny and I started hanging out and that's over, what, God a year now. I want you to head right home after school. +I want you to head right home after school. I will. Is that all? +Hi honey. What's wrong? +What's wrong? I have a question to ask you. A personal question. +What do you mean? Well, I assume you let him kiss you? +Well, I assume you let him kiss you? Well yeah. Of course. Everyone kisses. +Well yeah. Of course. Everyone kisses. I'm not criticizing. _ Did you two get any further? +I'm not criticizing. _ Did you two get any further? A little. +A little. How much further? +How much further? Daddy! I DON'T THINK THIS IS ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS! +Daddy! I DON'T THINK THIS IS ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS! I wouldn't ask if I didn't have to. +I wouldn't ask if I didn't have to. Not much further. +Not much further. You never went, uh, all the way? +Ok. Daddy, are you upset that I'm still a virgin?! +Daddy, are you upset that I'm still a virgin?! No honey. +No honey. You are upset. +You are upset. I'm not. +I'm not. I thought you'd be pleased. +I thought you'd be pleased. I am. I'm so very proud of you. Go back to sleep. +It was a she. Are you sure? +Are you sure? She said she was Kenny's aunt Lisa. +You know her? It can't be. +It can't be. Who is she Daddy? +Who is she Daddy? Never mind darling. You go back to school. I don't want you missing anymore classes today. +You were eavesdropping. No I wasn't. +No I wasn't. What did you hear? +What did you hear? Nothing. I just picked up the phone to say goodbye to you. You didn't say goodbye. +Nothing. I just picked up the phone to say goodbye to you. You didn't say goodbye. Ok. Goodbye. Now get back to school. +No! Run! +What kind of a person wakes up in the morning and says to themselves, 'Think I'll nail a sixteen year old girl to a tree today'? The same type that decides to carve into her stomach. +You found her? There's a Lisa Shermer living just sixty miles west of here. Over the Indiana border. I'm going. +There's a Lisa Shermer living just sixty miles west of here. Over the Indiana border. I'm going. We need you here. I can bring her in. +We need you here. I can bring her in. No. I'll handle this. +As bizarre as it may sound, seems someone is planning to have a big party tonight. No? +No? Should we close down any eruption? +Should we close down any eruption? Are you sure? +Are you sure? We're seeing all the signs in town. +We're seeing all the signs in town. I like the idea of all the kids in one place. If it happens, just keep a man outside until you hear from me. I'll be back in a couple of hours. +What happened? Two kids were found mutilated in the woods. Lock the door after me. +Is Jody still awake? She just turned off her light. +Well? She's still a virgin. +She's still a virgin. Did you warn her? +Did you warn her? No. Let her get at least one more peacefully night's sleep. +What are you doing? This will relax her. +This will relax her. She's underage. +Hello? I'm looking for Lisa Sherman. +I'm looking for Lisa Sherman. She's not here. +She's not here. You know where I can find her? +You know where I can find her? St. Michael's. +St. Michael's. She works at a church? +She works at a church? She resides there. Out back. She died a year and a half ago. +Of what? A bullet to the right cerebellum. +A bullet to the right cerebellum. She was murdered? +She was murdered? No. She ate a pistol for lunch one day. +Can you describe her? How old was she? I never met the woman. I'm just taking care of the place until they sell it. +I never met the woman. I'm just taking care of the place until they sell it. Can you get inside? +Can you get inside? I can. +I can. I knew Lisa Sherman long ago. It's extremely important that I get inside and try to verify that it's the same woman who lived here. +I knew Lisa Sherman long ago. It's extremely important that I get inside and try to verify that it's the same woman who lived here. I don't give a fuck what your reasons are. You pay me ten dollars, you can go inside Otherwise, get a warrant. +Is there a picture of her somewhere? No pictures. No mirrors. Was she a crazy woman when you knew her? +No pictures. No mirrors. Was she a crazy woman when you knew her? No. +No. Couldn't tell she going to off herself, huh? +Couldn't tell she going to off herself, huh? No, you couldn't. +No, you couldn't. I've been in a lot of people's houses and this one's the creepiest. +I've been in a lot of people's houses and this one's the creepiest. Really? +Really? Yeah. You should check downstairs. +Yeah. You should check downstairs. Why? +Why? People always keep their secrets in their attics or in their basements. All the weirdness in this house took place in the basement. +Your brother told us. Daddy.... +Daddy.... Shh. I'm not going to tell you not to go. +Shh. I'm not going to tell you not to go. You're not? +You're not? No. I couldn't do that. I have something for you. +We just found another body. Who's? +Who's? Tom Sisler. He was murdered at school. Two kids went into his office to fuck and they found him, with his tongue cut out and his foot jammed into his mouth. Killer also chopped off his pecker and stuffed it in his pencil holder. +Tom Sisler. He was murdered at school. Two kids went into his office to fuck and they found him, with his tongue cut out and his foot jammed into his mouth. Killer also chopped off his pecker and stuffed it in his pencil holder. Jesus. Any word from Brent? +Jesus. Any word from Brent? Nope. The switchboard is lightning up downtown. Kids from other towns are starting to congregate in the parks and at the high school. It's turning into WOODSTOCK except there's no concert. +Nope. The switchboard is lightning up downtown. Kids from other towns are starting to congregate in the parks and at the high school. It's turning into WOODSTOCK except there's no concert. Call Brent on the horn. See where he is. What he wants us to do. I'll head over to the school. +Call Brent on the horn. See where he is. What he wants us to do. I'll head over to the school. Ok. +But I shouldn't shut it down? No. Hell, it's the quietest goddamn party I've ever seen. +Pay no attention to me. What are you doing here? +You fucked me up! What? +What? You gave me a 'D'. +You gave me a 'D'. I'm sure you should have failed. +I'm sure you should have failed. I was grounded for two fucking months because of you! +Please get out of my way or I'll have to hurt you. I knew you were a pervert. Always wearing those fucking doofy glasses, and driving a station wagon. +I am. My house is just a couple of blocks away. Why don't you come on over and clean those cuts up. +My house is just a couple of blocks away. Why don't you come on over and clean those cuts up. Ok. Should I put my bike in the back of your car? +Ok. Should I put my bike in the back of your car? Can you just follow me? The back is full? +Can you just follow me? The back is full? Sure. +You aren't going to the party? You know about that too? +of COURSE. You're not scared? Of course I'm scared. +Of course I'm scared. Then you should go. +Then you should go. You think I should go to the party, Mr. Marliston? +You think I should go to the party, Mr. Marliston? I really do. For your own safety. +We're all manipulated. From the moment we're born. The event that fatalistically shaped my life happened before I was even born. Really? +Really? Yes. We have no real freedom. You of all people should understand that. This may sting. +Me? Why me? Because of your father. The way what his sins shaped you. +What do you know about my father? He's a rapist. Like mine. +_ Your father raped someone? Lisa Sherman was my mother. Do you know who that is? +Lisa Sherman was my mother. Do you know who that is? Yes. +Yes. I was born nine months after she was raped. One of the four men who raped her is my father. I have no idea which one. +I was born nine months after she was raped. One of the four men who raped her is my father. I have no idea which one. You're the killed. +You're the killed. Yes that's the whole point. This is what I was put on this earth to do. Rape the town that raped my mother. Steal its pristine innocence like it stole hers. I've planned this since I was a very little boy. You have no real freedom either. Your father has cast a shadow that you've never eluded. +Please! You wouldn't kill your sister, would you? You think you're my sister? +Go sit next to him. Who? +Who? Mark Shale. +Mark Shale. Why? +Why? Don't you want to talk to him? You watch him eat everyday. +Don't you want to talk to him? You watch him eat everyday. I don't watch him eat everyday. +I don't watch him eat everyday. You stare at him non-stop, like every lunch. Like this. Like most people stare at car accidents. +The seat behind him is open. Come on, I can eavesdrop too. You eventually have to talk to him. +You eventually have to talk to him. Why? All my mom and dad ever do is watch each other eat and they've been married for twenty years. +No! That's his table. You're going to look really amoebic splitting off from me now. +What am I supposed to say? 'Nice sweater Mark'? 'Did you buy it at Eddie Bauer's?' You could tell him you really liked the way he chews with his back molars. +You could tell him you really liked the way he chews with his back molars. You're so fucking lucky your dad is the sheriff. +You're so fucking lucky your dad is the sheriff. You are 'sp fucking' wrong. +You are 'sp fucking' wrong. You get to be a little Chelsea Clinton. Everyone wants to meet you. Party with you. Have sex with you. +You get to be a little Chelsea Clinton. Everyone wants to meet you. Party with you. Have sex with you. But you can't do any of it. So it sucks. I always have to 'set an example'. +He's just trying to mess with your head. Ignore him. Does she fuck? +Does she fuck? I doubt it. Who'd want to fuck her. She probably reeks worse than the docks down in those panties. +Oh nice save. I was desperate. It was gross. +I was desperate. It was gross. Kenny'll come running back. This is just his way of pressuring you. +Kenny'll come running back. This is just his way of pressuring you. He says he loves me. +He says he loves me. Personally I think he has a deep, almost pathological desire to corrupt you. But I suppose that's a type of love. I certainly wish someone wanted to corrupt me. +Personally I think he has a deep, almost pathological desire to corrupt you. But I suppose that's a type of love. I certainly wish someone wanted to corrupt me. Maybe I should blister through a bottle of Tequila and just fuck his brains out. +Maybe I should blister through a bottle of Tequila and just fuck his brains out. No! +No! You're the one always saying 'Just do it'. +You're the one always saying 'Just do it'. That was before he pulled this 'Dick me or I dump you' shit. I say fuck his best friend. +I don't know what I'm so scared of. Want to come in for awhile? Log onto AOL, flirt with some married men, head into a private S&M chat room . . . +Want to come in for awhile? Log onto AOL, flirt with some married men, head into a private S&M chat room . . . How do you know what to type back when they start to cyber with you. +How do you know what to type back when they start to cyber with you. I keep a couple of my dad's porno books hidden in my desk for emergency reference. +I promised I'd go right home after school. OK. increase the peace. +Sandy, you have to chill out, at least two-thirds of the kids in our class are still virgins. He can't butcher all of us. There will be a lot fewer by tomorrow night. +Not that many. You watch. There's going to be a hymen holocaust tomorrow. Maybe I'll finally talk to Mark Shale. +You watch. There's going to be a hymen holocaust tomorrow. Maybe I'll finally talk to Mark Shale. NO?! +Someone tried to kill me. The phone just went dead. I called the police and ran right over as fast as I could. +You ok? FINE. Are you? +FINE. Are you? Hurricane Hormone. it's flattened the whole school. Guess what? +Hurricane Hormone. it's flattened the whole school. Guess what? What? +What? Mark invited me to the party. +Mark invited me to the party. What party? +What party? Shh. Ben's party. Tonight. Haven't you heard? +Shh. Ben's party. Tonight. Haven't you heard? No. +You can't tell your parents. Ok. +Ok. Especially not your dad. +Especially not your dad. I won't. +I won't. It's like a pop your cherry party. Everyone's saying it's 'Fuck or Die' time. +It's like a pop your cherry party. Everyone's saying it's 'Fuck or Die' time. You're thinking of sleeping with Mark tonight? +You're thinking of sleeping with Mark tonight? Unless he makes a move during seventh period. +Unless he makes a move during seventh period. Didn't you have something a little more romantic in mind for your first time? +Didn't you have something a little more romantic in mind for your first time? I kind of like the idea that we can all lose it together, on the same night. It'll be a lot less scary. You have to go. +I kind of like the idea that we can all lose it together, on the same night. It'll be a lot less scary. You have to go. Stag? +Stag? Kenny'll want to go with you. Cindy's holding a Q and A session at the bleachers. Come on. +Kenny'll want to go with you. Cindy's holding a Q and A session at the bleachers. Come on. I can't right now. +I can't right now. Jody, you have to go to the party. For your own safety. +Hi Jody. What can I DO for you? Hi Miss Dunlop. Where do you keep the old town papers? +Hi Miss Dunlop. Where do you keep the old town papers? They're all on microfiche. What year are you looking for? +They're all on microfiche. What year are you looking for? Twenty eight years ago. +Twenty eight years ago. Follow me. +This place is empty. Everyone's getting ready for the party. +Everyone's getting ready for the party. You heard about that? +You heard about that? Of course. NO ONE EVER SHUTS UP IN THE LIBARY. Kids were whispering about it all day. +Of course. NO ONE EVER SHUTS UP IN THE LIBARY. Kids were whispering about it all day. Don't you think it's sick? +Don't you think it's sick? Not at all. In fact, I thought about going. +Not at all. In fact, I thought about going. You Miss Dunlop? +Unfortunately I qualify. Think I'm too old? No. +No. You're sweet. I really wish someone had thrown a party like that when I was your age. My life might have been very different. +Cut it out. Why? +Why? I was supposed to be home fifteen minutes ago. +I was supposed to be home fifteen minutes ago. So? You're already late. A few more minutes won't matter. +I got to get home. Fuck your curfew. Most sixth graders can stay out later than you. +You know, maybe we ought to start seeing other people. What? +What? Jody, we've been going out for over a year. I love you but I'm all out of patience. +Are you O.K.? I'm fine. +I'm fine. I heard you got attacked. +I heard you got attacked. I did. +I did. I was worried about you. Did you hear about the bash? +I was worried about you. Did you hear about the bash? Yeah. I think it's really sick. +Yeah. I think it's really sick. Why? +Why? Three of our classmates are dead. That's not really the occasion for a party. +Three of our classmates are dead. That's not really the occasion for a party. Nobody wants to be the fourth. Please go with me. +Nobody wants to be the fourth. Please go with me. Did Sharon say no? +Did Sharon say no? You know I want to go with you. +You know I want to go with you. I'm so flattered but I can't. I'm grounded. +I'm so flattered but I can't. I'm grounded. Everyone's grounded. There's a killer on the loose. +Everyone's grounded. There's a killer on the loose. No I'm really grounded. When I got in late the other night, my father was waiting up for me. +If you don't want to go with me just say so. Say 'Kenny, I DON'T WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU' but don't use your dad as an excuse. I'm so sick of it. I'm not using him as an excuse. +I'm not using him as an excuse. Yes you are. You always do. It's why we broke up. You always hide behind him. +Yes you are. You always do. It's why we broke up. You always hide behind him. I do not. +I do not. I feel like I NEED YOU DAD'S permission just to kiss you. Jody, it's time to assert yourself To be a big girl. An individual. I'm going to this party tonight. Jimmy's my ride. Come over to my house after school. We'll go together. +I feel like I NEED YOU DAD'S permission just to kiss you. Jody, it's time to assert yourself To be a big girl. An individual. I'm going to this party tonight. Jimmy's my ride. Come over to my house after school. We'll go together. I have to go home after school. I have something really important I have to ask my mom. +I have to go home after school. I have something really important I have to ask my mom. They're not picking me up until six. +They're not picking me up until six. I'll think about it. +I'll think about it. Yes! +All our parents are weirdoes. I think my dad is into hookers. I know he lit cats on fire when he was a kid. My dad acts like he's Johnny Fucking Perfect and he's really Johnny Fucking Rapist. +My dad acts like he's Johnny Fucking Perfect and he's really Johnny Fucking Rapist. I think this is a big part of growing up. It's losing your spiritual virginity. It's when you finally discover that your parents aren't anything they told you they were. They're even bigger hypocrites than your friends. +I think this is a big part of growing up. It's losing your spiritual virginity. It's when you finally discover that your parents aren't anything they told you they were. They're even bigger hypocrites than your friends. I can't believe I listened to one word of his shit. +I can't believe I listened to one word of his shit. But if he'd been sent to jail, there would be no Jody. +But if he'd been sent to jail, there would be no Jody. So I should feel happy that he got away with it? +So I should feel happy that he got away with it? I don't know. I kind of am. +Are you coming to the party? Let's just start a party right here, right fucking now. +What's wrong? Am I doing something wrong? Just making me feel like a piece of meat. +Just making me feel like a piece of meat. I'm making you feel like meat? +I'm making you feel like meat? Yeah. +You break up with me because I won't fuck you. That's not why we broke up. +That's not why we broke up. You flaunt some slut in my face. +You flaunt some slut in my face. Sharon's far from a slut. +Sharon's far from a slut. And when I finally agree to spread my legs, you accuse me of treating you like meat. +And when I finally agree to spread my legs, you accuse me of treating you like meat. Jody, you're only doing this to get back at your dad. It doesn't have that much to do with me. +Please don't go. Please. Stay, We'll just talk. Then go to the party. This party is sick. +Jody. Wait. What? +What? I'm scared. Three kids are dead. I want to go to this party. +I'm scared. Three kids are dead. I want to go to this party. Then go to the party. Run with the herd Kenny. Just don't spew out all that 'be an individual, assert yourself' crap anymore. +My dad's down there! He's dead! We've got to get the fuck out of here! +Go to the police station! Deputy Webber's at the party. It's only three blocks away. +Thanks for coming back for me. I love you. +Oh GOD IT'S HIM! Quick! In the house. He won't look for us in there. +What are you doing? Pretend we're just another couple. +Hi mom. Hi princess. +Hi princess. Mom? +Mom? Yes? +Yes? I need to ask you something. +I need to ask you something. You can ask me anything. +You can ask me anything. Have you ever heard of someone named Lisa Sherman? +Lisa Sherman? Yeah. Who is she? +Yeah. Who is she? I don't know. Where did you hear that name. +I don't know. Where did you hear that name. I overheard daddy mentioning her to someone. I he thinks she's the killer. +I overheard daddy mentioning her to someone. I he thinks she's the killer. What? +What? That's what he said. +That's what he said. Did he say anything else about her? +Did he say anything else about her? No but he got really weird. Like I've never seen him act. REALLY angry and super uptight. +No but he got really weird. Like I've never seen him act. REALLY angry and super uptight. I've never heard of her. Maybe something else was on his mind. +I've never heard of her. Maybe something else was on his mind. No. I think she lived her a long time ago. Like twenty-eight years ago. When dad was eighteen. +No. I think she lived her a long time ago. Like twenty-eight years ago. When dad was eighteen. Not that I know of. +Where are you going? The library. I'll be fine. +I want you to come home with me right now, Jody. Who is she? +Who is she? She's nobody you should be concerned with. +She's nobody you should be concerned with. Whoever tried to kill me was made up to look exactly like this picture of Lisa Sherman, clothes and all. I think that concerns me. +Whoever tried to kill me was made up to look exactly like this picture of Lisa Sherman, clothes and all. I think that concerns me. Don't make me order you. +Wait. What? +What? I'm not leaving. I want to know why you and dad are so freaked out. Three of my classmates are dead. +Years ago, something horrible happened in this town. When I was still in high school. A girl named Elizabeth Sherman was attacked by four drunken seniors. Attacked how? +Attacked how? She was raped. At least that's what she claimed. +She was raped. At least that's what she claimed. You didn't believe her? +You didn't believe her? No, I believed her. She was in pretty bad shape. Inside and out. But the boys were never formally charged. +No, I believed her. She was in pretty bad shape. Inside and out. But the boys were never formally charged. Why not? +Why not? They were children of our leading citizens, stars of the football team. And she was a loner. An angry girl that no one really liked. She'd called them 'queers'. +They were children of our leading citizens, stars of the football team. And she was a loner. An angry girl that no one really liked. She'd called them 'queers'. People thought these guys had a right to rape her because she called them 'queers'? +People thought these guys had a right to rape her because she called them 'queers'? They were proving to her they weren't. They were very drunk. Things were different back then. You think kids are sexually bottled up today.... +They were proving to her they weren't. They were very drunk. Things were different back then. You think kids are sexually bottled up today.... And the police did nothing? +And the police did nothing? EVERYONE JUST KIND OF LOOKED THE OTHER WAY. +EVERYONE JUST KIND OF LOOKED THE OTHER WAY. How could you? +How could you? I don't know. We just did. I guess I was kind of scared going against the gain. Against the whole town. +I don't know. We just did. I guess I was kind of scared going against the gain. Against the whole town. The word is Mob. +The word is Mob. I've regretted it ever since. Never run with the herd just because they're the herd. +I've regretted it ever since. Never run with the herd just because they're the herd. Who were they? +Who? The men. Do any of them still live around here? +The men. Do any of them still live around here? Two men left town right after it happened. +Two men left town right after it happened. You're not telling me something. +Mr. Sisler was one of them. The principal? +The principal? Yes. +Yes. Who was the fourth? +THAT'S why he called Mr. Sisler first. He was one of them. Not a day has gone by where your father has not torn himself to shreds for what happened. We both have... +Not a day has gone by where your father has not torn himself to shreds for what happened. We both have... NO! +Yes? Are you Jody? +Yeah. I'm Kenny's Aunt Lisa. +I'm Kenny's Aunt Lisa. Kenny's aunt? +Kenny's aunt? Yes. He asked me to come over and talk to you. +On what side of the family? His mother's side. +His mother's side. His mother's an only child. +You ok? Just thinking about something. +Just thinking about something. What? +What? There's going to be very few virgins left in school on Monday. It could be really dangerous for them if the killer isn't caught. +There's going to be very few virgins left in school on Monday. It could be really dangerous for them if the killer isn't caught. I guess so. Luckily we won't have that problem. +What are you doing? I got to go. +I got to go. What? +What? I'm worried about someone. +Dylan's been telling people that Annette gave him a blow job. And she didn't? +Hi Mark, Cindy, Ben. Hi Sandy. +You got a great mom. I'm lucky to get a zucchini stick. Did you want one? +Did you want one? Yeah I was talking about Twinkies the other day and I realized I hadn't had one in years. Then I remembered seeing you with one. +Yeah I was talking about Twinkies the other day and I realized I hadn't had one in years. Then I remembered seeing you with one. They're tasty. +You can have both if you want. No, you keep one. +You're so beautiful. So are you. +So are you. Now don't be nervous. +Now don't be nervous. You're the one who's hand is shaking. +There's Jan and Heather. Let's grab them quick before someone else does. Ok. +Ok. Hide your laptop here. +Hide your laptop here. No. +No. You can't bring it. +You can't bring it. I'm not leaving it here. +Hey! That was a 3k machine. Told you to hide it. +I said no. But you don't really mean it. +Maybe it won't stay in. Maybe you better just drive me home. +Let me just ask you a serious question first. What? +What? Aren't you worried you could die a virgin? +Aren't you worried you could die a virgin? Yeah. I'm extremely worried about that. It's right up there with global warming. +Yeah. I'm extremely worried about that. It's right up there with global warming. On our way home, a drunken driver could hit us head on and send us flying through the windshield. Terminate us instantly. We'd never experience what it means to make love. +On our way home, a drunken driver could hit us head on and send us flying through the windshield. Terminate us instantly. We'd never experience what it means to make love. If sheep don't count. +If sheep don't count. That wasn't me ... +That wasn't me ... I know. I'm kidding you. Chill out. +I know. I'm kidding you. Chill out. Well I'm trying to be real here and you're mocking me. +Well I'm trying to be real here and you're mocking me. I'm sorry, but you're not going to die a virgin Rod. +Rod! You're being unfair. +You're being unfair. Unfair?! +Unfair?! Yes. Unfair to me. +Stacy? ROD! +What, do you work for my boss, dog? Okay, okay. +Okay, okay. At least somebody likes this shit. +At least somebody likes this shit. INT. DARLENE'S STORE - NIGHT. +help me get in the truck. INT. ICE CREAM TRUCK/CAB - DAWN. +Oh... ...shit. +...shit. EXT. ROAD - DAY. +Oh, shit. EXT. ROAD - DAY. +Unbe-fucking-lievable. EXT. ICE CREAM TRUCK - DAY. +Damn. INT. ANDY'S ICE CREAM FACTORY/STAIRWELL - DAY. +Shit! INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - DAY. +It's a damn postal truck! INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY. +Let me put it in easy terms, Aristotle. We are carrying a damn bomb... ...that is going to explode... +...that is going to explode... ...if we don't get out of this tunnel! +...if we don't get out of this tunnel! INT. GOMEZ'S HELICOPTER - DAY. +Come on, Night Shift. INT. TUNNEL - DAY. +A little early for a delivery. Oh... +Oh... ...yeah. Tryin' to get most of my day done before it hits nine-... +...yeah. Tryin' to get most of my day done before it hits nine-... ...-ty. +...-ty. Where's Sam? +Where's Sam? Sam? Andy gave Sam a nice big desk to park his fat ass behind. +Sam? Andy gave Sam a nice big desk to park his fat ass behind. Where do you want this stuff? +Where do you want this stuff? Freezer in the back. +Freezer in the back. Great. +Great. Art. +That's my business. No argument there. +No argument there. The guy's a fuckin' moron. +The guy's a fuckin' moron. Hey, I'm with you on that one, my man. Prick. +Hey, I'm with you on that one, my man. Prick. Look, you need me to sign an invoice or somethin'? +Look, you need me to sign an invoice or somethin'? Uh, between this month and last month, you owe four hundred and seventeen dollars. And we need that in cash. +Uh, between this month and last month, you owe four hundred and seventeen dollars. And we need that in cash. Since when does... +Since when does... ...Darlene pay you in cash? +...Darlene pay you in cash? Since today. New policy. +Well, he told me to collect cash. Andy. Another fuckin'... +Andy. Another fuckin'... ...moron. +...moron. Hey, you and I are seein' eye to eye on a whole range of issues this mornin'. +Hey, you and I are seein' eye to eye on a whole range of issues this mornin'. Uh, huh? +Uh, huh? Except for the fact that I need cash. +Except for the fact that I need cash. He could've called first. +He could've called first. He could've. That-That's true. But that would've been smart... +He could've. That-That's true. But that would've been smart... ...and fair... +...and fair... ...two things Andy is not. Uh, but I tell you what. +...two things Andy is not. Uh, but I tell you what. Bein' that it's cash, I'm gonna give you ten percent... +Bein' that it's cash, I'm gonna give you ten percent... ...off. Say, uh, three seventy-five. Seein' that we both have so much love... +...off. Say, uh, three seventy-five. Seein' that we both have so much love... ...for Andy, I'll tell him I lost a few cartons comin' over the mountain. +...for Andy, I'll tell him I lost a few cartons comin' over the mountain. That'll make up the difference, huh? +That'll make up the difference, huh? Huh? +Huh? Well, Darlene usually gives me a signed check for emergencies. I could always give you that. +Well, Darlene usually gives me a signed check for emergencies. I could always give you that. Oh. +Oh. Why don't I--? +Why don't I--? No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait. +Aw! Oh, Jesus. Hang on. Hang on. +Sorry, man. He's dead. No. +What did I say? Dude in uniform get in your face, you do not shoot your mouth off. +Dude in uniform get in your face, you do not shoot your mouth off. I need your truck. +No, no, no. You don't need my truck. You need somebody else's truck... ...and a shitload of ice. +...and a shitload of ice. Look, if I don't get this stuff to McGruder, it's goodbye, Andy's Ice Cream, goodbye, Jerome, goodbye, Mon-... +Look, if I don't get this stuff to McGruder, it's goodbye, Andy's Ice Cream, goodbye, Jerome, goodbye, Mon-... ...-tana. +...-tana. Wait, wait. You don't believe the dead guy, do... +Wait, wait. You don't believe the dead guy, do... ...ya? +...ya? Yeah, I believe him. He was my friend. +Yeah, I believe him. He was my friend. For cryin' out loud. +For cryin' out loud. Hey, listen! Do you know what I think? I... +Hey, listen! Do you know what I think? I... ...think he was a wacko. And I think that G.I. ninja's a bigger wacko. And I think you're the biggest wack-... +...think he was a wacko. And I think that G.I. ninja's a bigger wacko. And I think you're the biggest wack-... ...-o of all, wantin' to be a part of this wacko shit! +...-o of all, wantin' to be a part of this wacko shit! I need your help. +I need your help. You are seriously mistaken if you think you are going anywhere in my... +You are seriously mistaken if you think you are going anywhere in my... ...truck. +...truck. Then you drive me to McGrud-... +Then you drive me to McGrud-... ...-er. +...-er. Look...I got two tons of the world's nastiest ice cream sittin' in a truck that should've been retired ten years ago. That shit will be worthless by noon. +Look...I got two tons of the world's nastiest ice cream sittin' in a truck that should've been retired ten years ago. That shit will be worthless by noon. And if that Elvis shit... +And if that Elvis shit... ...is as dangerous as you seem to think it is, I'm gettin' my ass as far away from you and it as possible. +...is as dangerous as you seem to think it is, I'm gettin' my ass as far away from you and it as possible. Peace. +Peace. All right. +Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. Hold up. Look. You want cash? +You want cash? You want cash? +You want cash? I got, like, uh.... +I got, like, uh.... I got, uh.... +I got, uh.... I got fifty bucks. I'll get more. +I got fifty bucks. I'll get more. I'll rent the truck from you. You can stay here, you can go. Whatever you want. +I'll rent the truck from you. You can stay here, you can go. Whatever you want. No. +No. All right, then how about this? +All right, then how about this? Hey, you're gonna piss me-- What the hell are you supposed to be... +Hey, you're gonna piss me-- What the hell are you supposed to be... ...doing?! +...doing?! I need your truck! +I need your truck! You are not takin' my truck! +Go on. Would you hurry up, please? +Would you hurry up, please? Look, put this in the back. Keep it safe. +There we go. There we go. Did you keep it safe? Did you What the hell is with you, dog? He's the one with the damn gun. +What the hell is with you, dog? He's the one with the damn gun. You gave him ice cream, didn't you? Come on, let's go. +You gave him ice cream, didn't you? Come on, let's go. Yeah, to keep him off my ass. +Yeah, to keep him off my ass. What did you do that for? It makes him mean as a snake. +What did you do that for? It makes him mean as a snake. That dog was mean before I met him. +That dog was mean before I met him. That dog ain't mean. +That dog ain't mean. I'm gonna stomp your a-- +I'm gonna stomp your a-- Come on, get in the truck. +Come on, get in the truck. I'm gonna bust a mudhole in your ass. I'm gonna-- Don't tell me to shut-- It's none of your business. Man, I can talk all I want to. +I'm gonna bust a mudhole in your ass. I'm gonna-- Don't tell me to shut-- It's none of your business. Man, I can talk all I want to. Shut... +...up. Are you kiddin'? +Come on! Damn. +Damn. What the hell's goin' on? +What the hell's goin' on? It happens to this piece of shit... +It happens to this piece of shit... ...all the time. +...all the time. Damn diesel injections are flood-... +Damn diesel injections are flood-... Excuse me... +Excuse me... ...-ed. +...-ed. ...excuse me. Can you fix this? +...excuse me. Can you fix this? Do you wanna give me a minute? +You'd better coast through... ...town. +We're clear. Oh, man. +No cell. Suppose you're gonna shoot me because you can't get service on my cell phone. +Billings? No, no, no, no, no. We need to go to McGruder. No, you gotta go to McGrud-... +No, you gotta go to McGrud-... ...-er. +...-er. No, no, no, no, no. We gotta go to McGruder! I go where the truck goes! +No, no, no, no, no. We gotta go to McGruder! I go where the truck goes! No, no, no. +No, no, no. To get to McGruder, you have to go through Missoula, and I ain't goin' to Missoula. +To get to McGruder, you have to go through Missoula, and I ain't goin' to Missoula. No way. We're goin' through McGrud-... +No way. We're goin' through McGrud-... ...-er. +...-er. I ain't goin' through Missoula! +I ain't goin' through Missoula! Am I missing somethin' here? +Am I missing somethin' here? Look...I kinda borrowed the truck from Andy. +Look...I kinda borrowed the truck from Andy. Borrowed. +Borrowed. Yeah, borrowed! +Yeah, borrowed! You stole this truck. +You stole this truck. You stole this truck! +You stole this truck! I did not steal this truck! +I did not steal this truck! You stole this truck! That's... +You stole this truck! That's... ...what all the bullshit about the cash was, wasn't it?! You stole this truck, and now you're trying to sell... +...what all the bullshit about the cash was, wasn't it?! You stole this truck, and now you're trying to sell... ...the ice cream for money! +...the ice cream for money! I didn't steal the truck! He owed it to me! Anyway, the important thing is I'm not goin' through Missoula! +I didn't steal the truck! He owed it to me! Anyway, the important thing is I'm not goin' through Missoula! Look, I don't give a shit if you go through Missoula at a hundred miles an hour. We're goin' to McGruder. +I'm about to get in your ass like last year's underwear, man. That's... +That's... ...fine. +...fine. I ain't playin' that. +I ain't playin' that. Shut up. +Hey. We can't push old Pete in this heat. He can't take it. +We can't push old Pete in this heat. He can't take it. Fine. +God-... ...-damn! +...-damn! Okay, okay! +Okay, okay! Ah, one of them's in the back. +Ah, one of them's in the back. No, no, no, no, no. Keep goin'. +No, no, no, no, no. Keep goin'. Okay. +You're nuts, goin' back there! Shut up. +Take your gun! Doesn't work. +Doesn't work. What? +What? Doesn't... +Doesn't... ...work! It's not even load-... +...work! It's not even load-... ...-ed. +...-ed. You mean to tell me you hijacked me with an empty gun?! +Get him to stand up, Night Shift. All right. +All right. Okay! All right! +Elvis is on ice again. Okay. +Okay. Nice job back there. +"Don't gimme that ""nice job"" shit, man! They still got a vanload comin', and what do you got besides an empty..." ...gun?! +...gun?! I was thankin' you, asshole! +I was thankin' you, asshole! Kiss my ass! +Probably because they know a psycho when they hear one. No... +No... ...I'm not the psycho. +...I'm not the psycho. Hey, take a look at your situation and... +Hey, take a look at your situation and... ...reconsider that statement there, Night Shift. You're psy-... +...reconsider that statement there, Night Shift. You're psy-... ...-cho and a hijack-... +...-cho and a hijack-... ...-er! +...-er! Hi--! The gun was empty! +Hi--! The gun was empty! Every time I look at you, I wanna hit... +Every time I look at you, I wanna hit... ...you. +...you. You wanna hit me? +You wanna hit me? And I'm a peaceful man, and... +And I'm a peaceful man, and... ...I believe in live and... +...I believe in live and... Yeah... +Yeah... ...let live. +...let live. ...you stole the truck to uphold your principles, right? +...you stole the truck to uphold your principles, right? I did not steal the truck. +It was owed to me. You stole the damn... ...truck! +...truck! Shut up, shut up! It's beeping. +Shut up, shut up! It's beeping. Well, then, that means it's call... +Well, then, that means it's call... ...waiting! +...waiting! You snatch that phone from me one more time, I'm-- +You snatch that phone from me one more time, I'm-- Hey! Hey! Andy's Ice Cream. +Holy shit... ...man! +...man! Oh, shit. +Oh, shit. Back up! Back... +Back up! Back... ...up! +Come on, old... ...Pete! Come on! There it... +...Pete! Come on! There it... ...is, old Pete! Come on, baby! +...is, old Pete! Come on, baby! All right, you got it. +Oh, shit. Oh, we're screwed, Night... +Oh, we're screwed, Night... ...Shift. +...Shift. You can just bend over and kiss your crazy ass goodbye, buddy! +You can just bend over and kiss your crazy ass goodbye, buddy! I think... +I think... ...we can make it. +...we can make it. You think we can make what?! You see that truck?! +You think we can make what?! You see that truck?! Eight and a half feet wide! Weighs over five tons! +Eight and a half feet wide! Weighs over five tons! Hey, and what if we don't make it?! +Your weedkiller on steroids goes down with us! Everybody dies! I don't think we have much of a choice... +I don't think we have much of a choice... ...do we? +...do we? Oh, shit. +Oh, shit. That's right. Now, move! +Oh, shit. Okay. +Okay. Okay. +Goddamn! Oh, Petey. Oh, Petey. Oh, please, Pete. Please don't do this to me. Okay. +I should've had that dog bite me. I would've gotten rabies! Could've went to the hospital, had a pretty nurse! Hey, hey! Whoo! Okay. +Hey, hey! Whoo! Okay. Go, go, go, go, go. Oh, shit. +Go, go, go, go, go. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. +Oh, shit. Come on, old Pete. +Come on, old Pete. Come on! +Come on! Come on, old Pete. +Come on, old Pete. God, man! +God, man! I'm goin'. I'm goin', baby. I'm goin', I'm goin'. +I'm goin'. I'm goin', baby. I'm goin', I'm goin'. Oh... +Oh... ...easy, easy, easy. +...easy, easy, easy. Left, left, left! +Left, left, left! Get over! Get over! +Get over! Get over! Come on. +Come on. Oh, shit. Come on, old... +Oh, shit. Come on, old... ...Pete! Come on. +...Pete! Come on. Come on, old Pete. Oh. +Come on, old Pete. Oh. I know the likeli-... +I know the likeli-... ...-hood of you knowin' any prayers is slim... +...-hood of you knowin' any prayers is slim... ...Night Shift, but you might... +...Night Shift, but you might... ...wanna give it a try! +...wanna give it a try! Come on, old... +Come on, old... ...Pete. Come on. +Come on. Come on. +Come on. Come on... +Come on... ...you crazy bastard. +...you crazy bastard. All right, you got it, you got it! +Whoo! Whoo! +Whoo! I made it! +I made it! I made it. +I made it. What are you talkin' about?! I'm the one drivin'! +What are you talkin' about?! I'm the one drivin'! You okay? +You okay? What the fuck was that?! +What the fuck was that?! Shit. You gotta pass him. +Shit. You gotta pass him. Gee, you think so? +Gee, you think so? Holy--! +Holy--! Okay. That didn't work. +Okay. That didn't work. Gee, you think so? +Gee, you think so? Shut up! +Ho, ho... Oh... +Oh... ...ho! +...ho! ...shit! +Hang on! Hey! +Shit. Go on. +Go on. Go, go. +No. Shit. Come on. +Come on. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. +Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. It's okay. Okay. +Okay. All right. +All right. Okay. +Okay. All right. +All right. Gimme that, gimme that, gimme that. +Gimme that, gimme that, gimme that. Okay. Okay. +Okay. Okay. These'll keep it cold. +These'll keep it cold. Yeah... +Yeah... ...yeah. +...yeah. Aw, shit +Listen! Listen... ...to him! You don't know who... +...to him! You don't know who... ...you're dealin' with! +...you're dealin' with! I'm a dangerous man! +I'm a dangerous man! Yeah, he's a dangerous... +Yeah, he's a dangerous... ...man! +...man! He's crazy! +He's crazy! I'm crazy? +Taking it down the hill. You're--? What?! +You're not dangerous! You're crazy! I ain't gettin' in this damn thing! Then stay... +Then stay... ...here! +...here! Oh, shit. Okay. Come on. +I don't want you to come anyway. What? +What? Come on! +Come on! Oh, shit. +Keep still. Okay. Okay. +Oh, shit! No! +No! Oh, no! +Oh, no! Oh, no! +Uh-oh. What? +What? This thing just went up a degree. Ice cream's not workin'. +This thing just went up a degree. Ice cream's not workin'. This river's fed by a glacier. Willing to bet my life that it's a good deal under fifty degrees. +This river's fed by a glacier. Willing to bet my life that it's a good deal under fifty degrees. Okay. +Okay. Worth a try. +Hey, you didn't happen to lock the truck up when you got out... ...did you? +...did you? You're fucked, man. +You're fucked, man. See, now why would you do that to a man in my posi-... +See, now why would you do that to a man in my posi-... ...-tion? +...-tion? Hey, I didn't steal the truck. You... +Hey, I didn't steal the truck. You... ...stole the truck. +...stole the truck. Hey, I told you I did not steal that truck. Andy owes me a lot more than that four-wheeled... +Hey, I told you I did not steal that truck. Andy owes me a lot more than that four-wheeled... ...piece of shit was worth. +...piece of shit was worth. It won't even start half the time. +It won't even start half the time. You know what I'm sayin'? +You know what I'm sayin'? I deserve a lot more than that truck! Ten years, ten years I busted my ass for that fat rat bastard. +I deserve a lot more than that truck! Ten years, ten years I busted my ass for that fat rat bastard. And he swore, he swore once I got a degree... +And he swore, he swore once I got a degree... ...there'd be a sales rep desk with my name on it. But every time something opened up, there'd be some idiot cousin... +...there'd be a sales rep desk with my name on it. But every time something opened up, there'd be some idiot cousin... ...or nephew or some good old boy... +...or nephew or some good old boy... ...just ready to just slide him right in there. And what about me, huh? What about Arlo, huh? What about my needs? You know, I got a-I got student loans... +...just ready to just slide him right in there. And what about me, huh? What about Arlo, huh? What about my needs? You know, I got a-I got student loans... ...overdrawn bank accounts. +...overdrawn bank accounts. Nobody's lookin' out for my interests. My credit was fucked! And then when he promoted Sam over me, I just snapped. So I split. +Nobody's lookin' out for my interests. My credit was fucked! And then when he promoted Sam over me, I just snapped. So I split. So you took his... +So you took his... ...truck. +...truck. So I took his truck, yeah. +So I took his truck, yeah. Yeah. +Yeah. You know. +You know, four years ago, I was a split end at Kentucky State. We were nationally ranked. +We were nationally ranked. How wonderful for you. +How wonderful for you. Started every game my senior year. Not all-American or anything, but not bad. Anyway, the real star was my best friend, the quarterback. Got taken in the first round. +Started every game my senior year. Not all-American or anything, but not bad. Anyway, the real star was my best friend, the quarterback. Got taken in the first round. Robert Del Rio? +Robert Del Rio? Yeah, Robert Del Rio. +Yeah, Robert Del Rio. I remember him. Got in a car crash or somethin'. +I remember him. Got in a car crash or somethin'. We were celebrating right after the draft, going from bar to bar. I was drivin'. +We were celebrating right after the draft, going from bar to bar. I was drivin'. And I put the car into a ditch. He spent eighteen weeks in the... +And I put the car into a ditch. He spent eighteen weeks in the... ...hospital. +...hospital. Never gonna throw a ball in the pros. +Never gonna throw a ball in the pros. Couldn't deal with it. So I split. +Couldn't deal with it. So I split. And things sort of just went downhill from there. +And things sort of just went downhill from there. Anyway, about ten months ago, I wound up in Jerome, workin' for Darlene. +Anyway, about ten months ago, I wound up in Jerome, workin' for Darlene. Well, shit. Could be worse. I mean, we're both up shit's creek, but at least we have a paddle. +Well, shit. Could be worse. I mean, we're both up shit's creek, but at least we have a paddle. We got two paddles. +Listen, Arlo... ...for whatever it's worth, I'm sorry I dragged you into this... +...for whatever it's worth, I'm sorry I dragged you into this... ...shit. +...shit. To tell you the truth, you didn't. +To tell you the truth, you didn't. Not completely, anyway. +Not completely, anyway. I mean, if that gun was... +I mean, if that gun was... ...loaded, I didn't buy you as a shoot- ... +...loaded, I didn't buy you as a shoot- ... ...-er. It was your friend... +...-er. It was your friend... ...Long. Somethin' about that look in his eye when he talked about that Elvis... +...Long. Somethin' about that look in his eye when he talked about that Elvis... ...shit. +...shit. Well, all the same. If we get to Missoula, help me find a car. I'd appreciate it. Then...you can... +Well, all the same. If we get to Missoula, help me find a car. I'd appreciate it. Then...you can... ...split. +...split. Split? I wouldn't get ten... +Split? I wouldn't get ten... ...miles. +That is loud! I'm Whoo! +Whoo! Yeah, baby! +All right, all right. Hey, hey. Hey. Mason. +Hey. Mason. Yeah. +Yeah. I think you oughta cut a... +I think you oughta cut a... ...deal with this asshole. +...deal with this asshole. Even though it is nice to see Andy... +Even though it is nice to see Andy... ...squirm, I don't want his brains all over my shirt... +...squirm, I don't want his brains all over my shirt... ...or my conscience. +...or my conscience. A-And you owe me... +A-And you owe me... ...man. +...man. Yeah, I know, I know. +Are you all right? No. +They're takin' off. Huh? +Huh? They're movin'. +Hey, just shut up. We're gonna die! +We're gonna die! Arlo, shut up. +We're gonna die! We're gonna die! +We're gonna die! Hey, hey, hey. +Put your hand in my pants. What? +We're gonna die, and you want me to do some freaky shit like that?! Arlo! Arlo. +Arlo! Arlo. Reach into my pocket. +Come on! Oh. +Oh. Okay. +Okay. Yeah. +Yeah. Okay. +Okay. All right. Okay. +Come here. Go, go, go! +...-natic. That's why I didn't give it... +That's why I didn't give it... ...to him. +...to him. What? +What? You got Elvis?! +You got Elvis?! Sometimes the prey bites back. +Sometimes the prey bites back. Go! +Hang... ...on! +Aw, shit. Would you be more care-... ...-ful?! +...-ful?! Okay. Okay. +Oh, fuck! Forty-five seven! +Forty-five seven! Oh, shit. +Oh, shit. Okay. +We! I've got the real thing! +I've got the real thing! We've got Elvis! +Here... ...they come! +...they come! And Brynner's right on... +And Brynner's right on... ...our ass! +...our ass! He's comin' up fast! +Okay... ...here comes the... +...here comes the... ...tunnel! +...tunnel! Tunnel. +Whoo! Whoo! +Forty-seven. You'd better floor it. What do you think I'm doin'?! +What the hell? What the--? +What the--? You've gotta be... +Stupid. I'm gonna kill him. +Shoot me. What's it say? +What's it say? Forty-nine point four. +Forty-nine point four. It says forty- nine. +Mason. What? +What? It's melting, man. +What? It's working. +We got-... ...-ta get outta here! +...-ta get outta here! Vitelli! Vitelli! +Well, hell, the smoke's gonna kill us anyway! There's gotta be... +There's gotta be... ...another way outta here. Hey. +...another way outta here. Hey. Hold this. +Hold this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. +Hang on, hang on. Let's go! +Let's go! Go. +Got it? Come on, darlin'. I gotcha. Arlo, I'm gonna get Elvis. You go. +Arlo, I'm gonna get Elvis. You go. They'll meet you at the top. +They'll meet you at the top. Okay. Come on, big guy! +Look out. What'd you come back for?! +What'd you come back for?! Why'd you stay behind?! +We're the shit. Bigtime. They aren't exactly gonna publicize this, Arlo. +They aren't exactly gonna publicize this, Arlo. Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey. We are heroes, my man. It's time to start actin' like it. +Stop limpin' around like that. Excuse me. I got a bullet in my leg. +Excuse me. I got a bullet in my leg. Always the negative... +You did help a little. Who drove the ice cream... +Who drove the ice cream... ...truck that kept Elvis cool? +...truck that kept Elvis cool? Who had to put a gun to your head? +Who had to put a gun to your head? Who put the big hurt on... +Who put the big hurt on... ...that Army nut job to save your narrow butt? +...that Army nut job to save your narrow butt? You, Arlo. +You, Arlo. Hello. +Hello. You. +You. Right. You damn skippy. And now that I am both jobless... +Right. You damn skippy. And now that I am both jobless... ...and-and-and truckless in the service of my country... +...and-and-and truckless in the service of my country... ...I feel that my government owes me a little restitution. +...I feel that my government owes me a little restitution. Us. Owes us. +Us. Owes us. I'll handle this from here, sweet Owes us a little restitution. +Patriotism is its own reward. I think so too. +I think so too. Yeah. +Yeah. Thank you. +Thank you. Thank you very much. +Thank you very much. "What about all that ""no need to get in the man's..." +"What about all that ""no need to get in the man's..." "...face"" crap you've been telling me?" +"...face"" crap you've been telling me?" I was not in the man's face. I was nego-... +I was not in the man's face. I was nego-... ...-tiatin'. +...-tiatin'. Look. That's negotiating? He threatened to kill... +Look. That's negotiating? He threatened to kill... ...us. +...us. But he didn't. See, that's negotiation. +But he didn't. See, that's negotiation. No. +No. That's bullshit. +That's bullshit. Bullshit, yeah. Well...if we're not gonna be famous, at least this'll be a great story to tell some ladies in a bar or somethin'. +Bullshit, yeah. Well...if we're not gonna be famous, at least this'll be a great story to tell some ladies in a bar or somethin'. Arlo, nobody's gonna believe us. +Oh! Oh, oh! +Oh, oh! I feel faint. +I feel faint. Ooh. +You know, it's, uh-it's very hush-hush, as we say in the spy game. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. +It all started with our mission in Istanbul. Yeah. +Yeah. I was undercover as a tennis player. +I was undercover as a tennis player. Yeah. +Yeah. My code name was Blackjack. Night Shift was my coach. Uh-Uh-Uh, I'm sorry. Mason was my coach. +Uh, he handled rackets, and I carried the balls. Yeah. +Yeah. you see, that was a-that was my mission. +you see, that was a-that was my mission. big balls. +big balls. That's right. +Hey. Hey, be cool. +Hey, be cool. Be cool. Be-- +Be cool. Be-- That was quick. +To tell you the truth, we're looking for a scientist who's gone missing from the Tech Center. Maybe you know him. Richard Long. We're worried... +We're worried... ...about him. +...about him. I'll keep an eye out. +Give it to me now, or you'll be dead... ...within five minutes. +...within five minutes. It's for you. +What'd he say? Don't be tedious, waiter. Dr. Long called it Elvis. +Listen, shithead! I got three thousand dollars of highly perishable ice cream products that taste bad enough when it's... +I got three thousand dollars of highly perishable ice cream products that taste bad enough when it's... ...frozen! So if you don't mind--! +...frozen! So if you don't mind--! Just give me Elvis and I'll make sure you have enough money for a dozen ice cream trucks. +Just give me Elvis and I'll make sure you have enough money for a dozen ice cream trucks. I don't ever wanna see another ice cream... +Your move. Okay, Vaughn, you drive. Oh, my God. +I urge you to be persuasive. This country trained me to kill... +This country trained me to kill... ...without compunction. +...without compunction. Well, well, well. +Well, well, well. Funny situation, ain't it, Andy? +Funny situation, ain't it, Andy? Three seconds. One... +And it won't be pleasant. But... +But... ...such is the price...of patriotism. +...such is the price...of patriotism. Vaughn. +Vaughn. Hey! +Well, that just about figures for today. So...where's my truck? +So...where's my truck? It's, uh, parked just off of Highway Thirty-Five. +It's, uh, parked just off of Highway Thirty-Five. I did what I could for you... +I did what I could for you... ...Arlo, and you screwed me for it. Now, where's my goddamn truck? +...Arlo, and you screwed me for it. Now, where's my goddamn truck? I ain't got time to argue with you today, Andy. But I can tell you this. Takin' your truck pissed you off? +Why don't you get that tub of shit Sam to... ...help you? +...help you? Look, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. Whatever you want. Please! +Yeah, that's my truck. Mason, you have to take this... +Mason, you have to take this... ...to Fort McGruder in his truck. +...to Fort McGruder in his truck. Wait. This town is full of trucks. Nice new trucks. You don't need to go... +Wait. This town is full of trucks. Nice new trucks. You don't need to go... ...take my sorry old truck. +...take my sorry old truck. We do need your truck. +So you called the damned thing Elvis I had no idea how powerful it was. +I had no idea how powerful it was. Eighteen men were k- killed in sec-... +Eighteen men were k- killed in sec-... ...-onds...with just a fraction of what's in... +...-onds...with just a fraction of what's in... ...here. Mason... +...about the man who did this, he's-he's comin' after it. You-You can't let him... +You-You can't let him... ...have it. You have to...have to get it to M...to McGruder. +...have it. You have to...have to get it to M...to McGruder. Hey, actually... +You got a prob-... ...-lem too? +...-lem too? No, sir. I've never seen this guy before. +Well, why don't they talk to the sage of Jerome here?! What the hell's a sage? +Listen, deputy. He's the dude... +He's the dude... ...the guy the Army guys are lookin' for! +...the guy the Army guys are lookin' for! Bullshit. Put the phone down, Mason. +What? Say again... ...Mason. I can barely hear you. +...Mason. I can barely hear you. We've got it... +We've got it... ...on ice! We've got Elvis on ice! +...on ice! We've got Elvis on ice! Hold it! +All right, gentlemen. We're about done here. Fine job. Thank you. +Thank you. Your country and a lot of innocent people in it... +Your country and a lot of innocent people in it... ...owe you. +...owe you. Us. Owe us. +We do have to take into consideration that, through your courage... ...and selfless actions, you did save millions of lives. +...and selfless actions, you did save millions of lives. Exactly. +Exactly. However, you are also non-en-... +However, you are also non-en-... ...-listed personnel with detailed knowledge of classified secrets falling under the National Security Act. +...-listed personnel with detailed knowledge of classified secrets falling under the National Security Act. In order to protect those secrets, I am authorized to fine you, imprison you... +In order to protect those secrets, I am authorized to fine you, imprison you... ...to take any extreme measures I deem necessary... +...to take any extreme measures I deem necessary... ...including the permanently extreme. +...including the permanently extreme. I'd say we're about even. +Whoo-hoo! Are you crazy?! Take the boat?! +Colonel Vitelli. We got a busted-in cold vault inside. Is it--? +Is it--? Looks like it. Yes, sir. +Looks like it. Yes, sir. Alert seventy-fifth rangers. Code Blue. Tell them Elvis has left the building. +They were all wearing hardware. Any of them Richard Long? +Any of them Richard Long? No, sir. +Yes, sir. If you're right, Lewis, this Mason is one hell of a pro. He must have a service record and a paper trail some-... +Doc-... ...-tor Long. +...-tor Long. What the hell is all this about a detonation today? We're scheduled... +What the hell is all this about a detonation today? We're scheduled... ...to be off the island tonight. +...to be off the island tonight. And I changed the schedule. +And I changed the schedule. I don't work for you, Captain Brynner. +I don't work for you, Captain Brynner. Sweeney tells me you don't have computer confirmation? +Sweeney tells me you don't have computer confirmation? You know, captain, if you hadn't spent so much of your career questioning your superiors, you might've found yourself with more gold leaf on your col-... +You know, captain, if you hadn't spent so much of your career questioning your superiors, you might've found yourself with more gold leaf on your col-... ...-lar. +...-lar. This isn't some kind of pissing contest, Long. You may be in charge here, but those men out there are my responsi-... +This isn't some kind of pissing contest, Long. You may be in charge here, but those men out there are my responsi-... ...-bility. +...-bility. Look, this is a scientific experiment, okay? +Look, this is a scientific experiment, okay? If it works, your stock at the Pentagon will go up along with mine. I don't think I need to mention you could use the help. +If it works, your stock at the Pentagon will go up along with mine. I don't think I need to mention you could use the help. The NSA thinks the UN is onto your work... +The NSA thinks the UN is onto your work... ...here, and the White House is screaming about chemical weapons, and we're... +...here, and the White House is screaming about chemical weapons, and we're... ...sittin' here with our hands in the goddamn cookie jar! And let me tell you something else. I didn't join the service to let people like you turn... +...sittin' here with our hands in the goddamn cookie jar! And let me tell you something else. I didn't join the service to let people like you turn... ...the United States into the kind of country we're supposed to be fighting against. +...the United States into the kind of country we're supposed to be fighting against. But you have no choice but to follow orders. +But you have no choice but to follow orders. Now listen to me. +Now listen to me. Now, I know. You have moral objections to what we're doing here, but believe... +Now, I know. You have moral objections to what we're doing here, but believe... ...me, if I thought there was any real danger, I-I wouldn't go forward. +...me, if I thought there was any real danger, I-I wouldn't go forward. You have my word on that. +You have my word on that. All right. One more shot, provided... we're off the island tonight. +All right. One more shot, provided... we're off the island tonight. Let's proceed. +"""I am become Death, the..." "...destroyer of worlds.""" +"...destroyer of worlds.""" No! +No! No! +You'll kill us all! Damn you, Long! My people are out there! Your people are out there! +Damn you, Long! My people are out there! Your people are out there! It's too... +Andrew... ...I wish they would've let me say something... +...I wish they would've let me say something... ...about-- +...about-- There's nothing to say, doctor. Someone had to take the fall, and they still need you, whereas...I've never been anything more than a thorn in their collective side, as you once said. +Is this stool taken? No, go-- +No, go-- You look good, Richard. +You look good, Richard. You look fit...healthy... +You look fit...healthy... ...not at all like a man responsible for the deaths of eighteen peo-... +...not at all like a man responsible for the deaths of eighteen peo-... ...-ple. +...-ple. Is that why you're here? To blame... +Is that why you're here? To blame... ...me? Well, you could've saved yourself the trip. +...me? Well, you could've saved yourself the trip. I know where the blame belongs. But I didn't put you in prison, Andrew. The government did... +I know where the blame belongs. But I didn't put you in prison, Andrew. The government did... ...that. +...that. Oh, I'm well aware of what the government did, I assure you. Actually, I've just come to say how grateful I am to you... +Oh, I'm well aware of what the government did, I assure you. Actually, I've just come to say how grateful I am to you... ...and the government. +...and the government. Grateful? +Grateful? Mm-hm. +Mm-hm. Together, you gave me the opportunity to realize just how very wrong my life had gone. +Together, you gave me the opportunity to realize just how very wrong my life had gone. Do you remember telling me once that all through my career, I'd never fit in? Well... +Do you remember telling me once that all through my career, I'd never fit in? Well... ...you were right, of course. But after... +...you were right, of course. But after... ...years of thinking the matter over, I began to see that the whole thing wasn't really my problem. +...years of thinking the matter over, I began to see that the whole thing wasn't really my problem. What rational man could fit in with the sorts of things our government was doing? The sorts of things you've... +What rational man could fit in with the sorts of things our government was doing? The sorts of things you've... ...always done, Richard? +...always done, Richard? Do you think I haven't seen the bodies of those... +Do you think I haven't seen the bodies of those... ...men every time I've closed my eyes? But after you went away, I-- +...men every time I've closed my eyes? But after you went away, I-- Went away? +Went away? """Went away."" I like that." +"""Went away."" I like that." Almost quaint. +Almost quaint. All right. After they put you away... +All right. After they put you away... ...I began trying to find ways of controlling the effects of the weapon that we tested on Horn Island. +...I began trying to find ways of controlling the effects of the weapon that we tested on Horn Island. And let me guess. You failed. +And let me guess. You failed. So far, ye-yes. +So far, ye-yes. Why is it you scientists can create implements of destruction... +Do you know what'll... ...happen if I drop this? +...happen if I drop this? Brynner. +Brynner. Well, Lieutenant Vitelli. +Well, Lieutenant Vitelli. Good to see you again, Leo. +Good to see you again, Leo. Pleasant surprise. +Pleasant surprise. I can't say it's a surprise. +I can't say it's a surprise. And I certainly can't say it's pleasant. +And I certainly can't say it's pleasant. As soon as I heard Elvis was on the loose, you came to mind. +As soon as I heard Elvis was on the loose, you came to mind. I checked your release date. I never liked coincidences. +I checked your release date. I never liked coincidences. And I don't like deviations from plans, Leo, as I'm sure you re-... +Yeah, I had a small problem with members of our side murdering civil-... ...-ians. But I assure you, Leo... +...-ians. But I assure you, Leo... ...I lost all my squeamishness at Leav- ... +...I lost all my squeamishness at Leav- ... ...-enworth. I'll have no compunction at all about using this. +...-enworth. I'll have no compunction at all about using this. Hm. The wind's northwest. That oughta be...Seattle. +Hm. The wind's northwest. That oughta be...Seattle. Or I may be wrong. The breeze could be gusting south. That'd be Billings... +Or I may be wrong. The breeze could be gusting south. That'd be Billings... ...maybe even Salt Lake, not to mention Casper... +...maybe even Salt Lake, not to mention Casper... ...Destry, Fair Oaks.... +...Destry, Fair Oaks.... Knowing you, Brynner, you've got buyers waiting to buy! You're not gonna use that... +Knowing you, Brynner, you've got buyers waiting to buy! You're not gonna use that... ...here! +...here! And I'm warning you, Leo. Don't test me. Get your men and your machines off my radar screen in five, or three million people will die. +And I'm warning you, Leo. Don't test me. Get your men and your machines off my radar screen in five, or three million people will die. I'll do it. +I'll do it. Tell the choppers we're lifting off! +Get 'em on line, then stall. Long can't have gotten far. Closin' down, sir. +Closin' down, sir. Vaughn, Burke, move to the end of the street. Fan out and work your way back to the motel. +There's nothing in here, sir. They got away with it. All right. Let's clear the mess and move out. +Besides, how are we gonna sell something we don't have? Nothing has changed, I assure you both. The Army still thinks we got Elvis. They had a tactical withdrawal. It's just those two amateurs now. Do you really want to concede a hundred million dollars to them? +This is it. INT. U.S. RESEARCH LABORATORY/STORAGE AREA/FREEZER VAULT - NIGHT. +Move. This is already affecting our schedule. INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - NIGHT. +Dennis, radio the bikes. I wanna know if so much as a squirrel... EXT. BRYNNER'S VAN - NIGHT. +...comes up that road. INT. DARLENE'S STORE - NIGHT. +Well. It appears someone's been lying to us. INT. DARLENE'S STORE - DAY. +Radio the bikes. INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - DAY. +Dutiful citizens, you have something which I have waited years for. INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - DAY. +You have no idea what you're in possession of, do you? INT. ICE CREAM TRUCK/CAB - DAY. +And so Missoula's prodigal son returns. INT. HARDWARE STORE - DAY. +Of which we have more than enough. INT. HELICOPTER - DAY. +All right. Tell the pilot we'll be a half-hour. EXT. DAM - DAY. +Carl! Set up the camera. INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - DAY. +Carl, establish contact with that deputy we met earlier. He'll be more useful now. INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY. +Hit him. INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY +Hit him again. INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY. +Vaughn. We're in. +There. Check it out. +It's clean. Check the immediate area. +Check the immediate area. This was supposed to be a... +This was supposed to be a... ...quick in and out. +...quick in and out. You have ten percent of a hundred million dollars comin' your way. I think we can impose on you for a little overtime. +Sir, all potential customers have been informed of the delay. Fur-... ...-ther orders? +...-ther orders? No. A pair of average citizens have decided to risk their lives for their country. I almost remember what that feels like. +Vaughn, get the M-seventy-nine ready. You can't fire on them. You're gonna detonate the crystals. +You can't fire on them. You're gonna detonate the crystals. Prep the launcher now. +Shit. Just when we have all the cards, Vaughn. Take these two behind the van. +Just when we have all the cards, Vaughn. Take these two behind the van. Move! +Dennis! Get your links set up! +Get your links set up! I wanna patch in from... +I wanna patch in from... ...here! +...here! What about these two? +What about these two? We're gonna use them for demonstration footage. +We're gonna use them for demonstration footage. Having witnessed the effects myself, I can assure you it'll be very useful when the bidding starts. +Having witnessed the effects myself, I can assure you it'll be very useful when the bidding starts. Get 'em in the middle of the dam. +Get 'em in the middle of the dam. Sir. +I'm on it. Stay put. Keep the camera trained on... +This river ends at a hydro dam... ...in Missoula. All we need to do is get to Mason before anyone else does. +...in Missoula. All we need to do is get to Mason before anyone else does. Carl, Dennis, get out of sight. +Carl, Dennis, get out of sight. Officer Pappas, I'm glad you're here. +Officer Pappas, I'm glad you're here. Mind if you tell me what's goin' on? +Mind if you tell me what's goin' on? I'm Colonel Brynner, U.S. Special Operations Com-... +I'm Colonel Brynner, U.S. Special Operations Com-... ...-mand out of Fort Bragg. +...-mand out of Fort Bragg. We were called in by the Jerome base... +We were called in by the Jerome base... ...to pursue a man who's stolen government proper-... +...to pursue a man who's stolen government proper-... ...-ty. +...-ty. Right. Tim Mason. +Right. Tim Mason. You know the suspect? +You know the suspect? Yeah, he's wanted in connection with a death this morning at the Jerome... +Yeah, he's wanted in connection with a death this morning at the Jerome... ...general store. +...general store. Richard Long. +Richard Long. That's right. +That's right. Long went missing from the Tech Center this morning along with a very dangerous... +Hemmings! Sam, I thought I told you to close up shop and be ready to move up the island by night-... ...-fall. +...-fall. Yes, Captain Brynner, you did, but-but-- +Yes, Captain Brynner, you did, but-but-- But... +But... ...what, Sam? Can't I go down to the loading dock for a few hours without coming back to find a major... +...what, Sam? Can't I go down to the loading dock for a few hours without coming back to find a major... ...screwup? +...screwup? Uh, with all due respect, sir, Dr. Long told me to prep the field for detonation at... +Uh, with all due respect, sir, Dr. Long told me to prep the field for detonation at... ...noon. +...noon. Jesus Chri-- We're on a very slippery slope here, Sam. A covert military operation riddled with civilian... +Jesus Chri-- We're on a very slippery slope here, Sam. A covert military operation riddled with civilian... ...scientists. +...scientists. You don't think it's that bad, do you, sir? I mean, Long's spent the last two years developing his defoliant. The stuff can't even kill crabgrass yet. +You don't think it's that bad, do you, sir? I mean, Long's spent the last two years developing his defoliant. The stuff can't even kill crabgrass yet. Where's their protective... +Where's their protective... ...gear? +...gear? It's a hundred degrees... +It's a hundred degrees... ...out here, captain. Don't you think the guys deserve a break? +...out here, captain. Don't you think the guys deserve a break? They'll get a break tomorrow. +We gotta get help. Aw, fuck! Damn. Mornin'. +Mornin'. Is this your establishment? +Is this your establishment? Yeah, they call me Dar-... +Yeah, they call me Dar-... ....-lene. +....-lene. Well, then, how about a cup of coffee, Darlene? +Well, then, how about a cup of coffee, Darlene? Iced coffee. +Iced coffee. I assume you want that to go. +I assume you want that to go. Assumptions are always... +Assumptions are always... ...dangerous. +...dangerous. Quite a getup for jacking... +Quite a getup for jacking... ...deer. +...deer. I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? Uh, you wanna hunt outta season, it's cool with me. But mostly, well, they just take a six... +Uh, you wanna hunt outta season, it's cool with me. But mostly, well, they just take a six... ...and a rifle. You, on the other hand... +...and a rifle. You, on the other hand... ...look like you're after something more dangerous. +...look like you're after something more dangerous. Actually, I was just looking for a restroom. +Actually, I was just looking for a restroom. I assume you have one. +I assume you have one. Assumptions are always dangerous. +Doc... ...Long. +...Long. Doc Long. Yeah, I know him. Weirdo guy. He comes in from... +Doc Long. Yeah, I know him. Weirdo guy. He comes in from... ...time to time, yeah. +...time to time, yeah. Not tonight... +Not tonight... ...though. +Odd, then, that his car... ...should be right outside. +...should be right outside. Like I say, Doc Long's... +Yeah? Contrary to what Dr. Long may have told you, this is neither... +Contrary to what Dr. Long may have told you, this is neither... ...your concern nor your fight. Relinquish the package and you can go. +...your concern nor your fight. Relinquish the package and you can go. I don't know what the hell... +I want you to look at one another... ...and ask a simple question - Are you actually prepared... +...and ask a simple question - Are you actually prepared... ...to die for a country that's... +...to die for a country that's... ...never done a thing for you? +...never done a thing for you? Because if you don't give me that cylinder, your lives will end... +Because if you don't give me that cylinder, your lives will end... ...on this miserable road to nowhere. +...on this miserable road to nowhere. And I can't guarantee the end will be quick. +And I can't guarantee the end will be quick. Elvis is fuckin' dead, man. Get yourself some CDs. +Hello. I got someone who's anxious to talk to you, Mr. Mason. +Yeah, I'm listenin'. Then meet me at the dam in fifteen minutes. +I don't see my container. You try anything, it goes in... +You try anything, it goes in... ...the river. +...the river. It's a little late for matinee heroics, Mason. Just give me the con-... +It's a little late for matinee heroics, Mason. Just give me the con-... ...-tainer! +...-tainer! Where's Arlo? +Where's Arlo? Bring him up. +Your fellow hero, untouched... ...and unharmed, de-... +...and unharmed, de-... ...-spite the mouth. +...-spite the mouth. Him first. +No. Where's Elvis?! +Where's Elvis?! Dead, last time I... +Dead, last time I... ...checked. +Why? You're a nothing, nobody! Why? You'd never understand! +You'd never understand! I would've in another life. +Goddamn it, Ma-... ...-son. Of all the days for you to show up late. First, the idiot April calls in sick. Then I got a bad tooth... +...-son. Of all the days for you to show up late. First, the idiot April calls in sick. Then I got a bad tooth... ...and then my night man shows up when he feels like... +...and then my night man shows up when he feels like... ...it. +...it. Darlene, it's five-thirty. Now, I worked late for you this mornin', and you didn't wanna spring for over-... +Darlene, it's five-thirty. Now, I worked late for you this mornin', and you didn't wanna spring for over-... ...-time, remember? +...-time, remember? Oh. Well, I have got to get to the dentist be-... +Oh. Well, I have got to get to the dentist be-... ...-fore he closes, which means you're gonna have to cover the grill and the floor. +...-fore he closes, which means you're gonna have to cover the grill and the floor. I can handle it. +I can handle it. Mm. It doesn't take a genius. +Yeah? Be sure you feed Bosco. +Be sure you feed Bosco. And don't give him any ice cream... +And don't give him any ice cream... ...like April. It gives him gas. And make sure there's two pots of coffee... +...like April. It gives him gas. And make sure there's two pots of coffee... Two pots of coffee... +Two pots of coffee... ...ready before the morning crowd blows in. +...ready before the morning crowd blows in. ...ready before the morning crowd blows in. I got it... +Oh, caught a few, lost a few. Story of my life. Well, one thing you won't lose is that friend of yours back there, I'll tell you that. +Story of my life. Well, one thing you won't lose is that friend of yours back there, I'll tell you that. Oh, no? +Oh, no? Oh, you're two of a kind, doc. Oh, he may not have your sheepskins, and... +Oh, you're two of a kind, doc. Oh, he may not have your sheepskins, and... ...well, most of the time he looks like something the cat might have dragged in, but, you know... +...well, most of the time he looks like something the cat might have dragged in, but, you know... ...he's smart enough to get you... +...he's smart enough to get you... ...somehow. +...somehow. There's something else too. +There's something else too. Uh, we both like to fish. +Uh, we both like to fish. Secrets. +Secrets. Ah. +Ah. His I know. Yours I don't have a clue. But if it wasn't for you, I think he'd have drifted right on through this town. +You know, I have yet to get a simple cup of coffee and a meal in this place, Darlene. And you ain't gonna start now. +Video lock. You got thirty minutes. +You got thirty minutes. INT. U.S. RESEARCH LABORATORY/CORRIDOR - NIGHT. +It's after five... INT. DARLENE'S STORE - NIGHT. +Rangers. Go. +Go. EXT. DAM - DAY. +Sir, I got Taipei grindin' on me here. How long is this supposed to ta--? EXT. DAM - DAY. +Geneva just pulled the plug. Kabula's out. +Kabula's out. EXT. DAM - DAY. +Hit it... ...now! +...now! INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY. +No sign of 'em... INT. VITELLI'S HELICOPTER - DAY. +Forty-nine? INT. VITELLI'S HELICOPTER - DAY. +Major, we've gotta seal that tunnel! Major! INT. TUNNEL - DAY. +Great. All right... ...we're gonna seal that tunnel! I want it air-... +...we're gonna seal that tunnel! I want it air-... ...tight! +...tight! INT. TUNNEL - DAY. +Colonel, sir, who the hell is this guy? He was Major Andrew Bryn-... +It's not over, Brynner. Sir, we can't just let him get away with this! +Sir, we can't just let him get away with this! Gomez, you fight the battles you can win. Now, we've been outmaneuvered here. Brynner's next move is gonna be to get Elvis out of the country and sell him to the highest bidder. To do that, he has to have planned an exit point. That's where we intercept him. That's where we make our play. Now you and your men back off. +Gomez, you fight the battles you can win. Now, we've been outmaneuvered here. Brynner's next move is gonna be to get Elvis out of the country and sell him to the highest bidder. To do that, he has to have planned an exit point. That's where we intercept him. That's where we make our play. Now you and your men back off. All right, let's move... +What's going on, colonel? Here's what I want you to do. +...that tunnel. Get ready to take it out! +Is Elvis out? Negative. Negative. +That little geek is my... ...son. +...son. All right. Enough. Look... +Thanks. It must've happened right after we left. +It must've happened right after we left. Missoula's reporting the refrigerator truck as a stolen vehicle. I told you Mason was walking shit. +Missoula's reporting the refrigerator truck as a stolen vehicle. I told you Mason was walking shit. Pappas, that other guy was unloading ice cream into a freezer. Now, what could he have to do with a military scientist, huh? +Pappas, that other guy was unloading ice cream into a freezer. Now, what could he have to do with a military scientist, huh? The sooner you get up the lab, the sooner you'll figure it out. +And where are you going? After that re-... +Deputy Art Lewis, Jerome County Sheriff's Department. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. I don't suppose you'd like to tell me what this is all about. +I don't suppose you'd like to tell me what this is all about. I will tell you what I... +What the hell are you talkin' about... ...colonel? +...colonel? Have you I.D.'d the bodies? +Well, I've got Dr. Long's body down at the coroner's office. One of our units is pursuing a suspect up the thirty-... +One of our units is pursuing a suspect up the thirty-... ...-five. +...-five. Who's your suspect? +Who's your suspect? A man named Tim Ma-... +A man named Tim Ma-... ...-son. +...-son. Run a check. FBI, Interpol. +Mason? No, he's a soda-jerk drifter, a hamburger flipper. It could be a cover, I suppose. +Morning, doc. Awful early, aren't ya? Couldn't sleep, Pumper. Is everything, uh, all right tonight? +Couldn't sleep, Pumper. Is everything, uh, all right tonight? There's nothin' goin' on out there, doc...except maybe the occasional fly fisherman. +Hey, doc. Might wanna... ...try this one out some-... +...try this one out some-... ...-time. +...-time. Excellent. +Been trying to figure out your secret. My secret? +My secret? Yeah. Ten months we've been fishin' this river together. We use the same equipment, more or less... +Yeah. Ten months we've been fishin' this river together. We use the same equipment, more or less... ...but you pull twice as many fish out of the water as I do. +...but you pull twice as many fish out of the water as I do. And I'm good at this. Been doing it since I was a kid. But you, I don't know. Somehow you think... +And I'm good at this. Been doing it since I was a kid. But you, I don't know. Somehow you think... ...like a fish. +...like a fish. No, that's not possible, Mason. The trout... +No, that's not possible, Mason. The trout... ...is a perfect hunter. +...is a perfect hunter. He's brains without ambition... +He's brains without ambition... ...sensitivity without neurosis. He's... +...sensitivity without neurosis. He's... ...the master of his realm. +...the master of his realm. How can we ever hope to win against the trout? +How can we ever hope to win against the trout? There's only one way you can do it, Mason. +There's only one way you can do it, Mason. Turn the power of the hunter against him. +Turn the power of the hunter against him. Tie a fly... +Tie a fly... ...create a piece of bait that sends the fish's instincts into overdrive... +...create a piece of bait that sends the fish's instincts into overdrive... ...forcing him to strike. And only then does our noble friend realize that the prey...can bite... +...forcing him to strike. And only then does our noble friend realize that the prey...can bite... ...back... +...back... ...and that power... +...and that power... ...without caution... +...without caution... ...is death. +...is death. Some people might say you're readin' an awful lot in-... +Some people might say you're readin' an awful lot in-... ...-to a simple thing like... +...-to a simple thing like... ...fishin'. +...fishin'. Some people might. +Mason. Shit! Oh, shit. +Call an ambulance. No... +The compound has to be kept cold... ...or it'll ignite. +...or it'll ignite. Cold? Cold. How cold? +Cold? Cold. How cold? Never let it reach fifty degre-degrees. +Never let it reach fifty degre-degrees. And what if it does? +And what if it does? Everything will die, Mason. +You're the only one I can trust. The only one who understands what this me-... +The only one who understands what this me-... ...-m-means, Mason. +...-m-means, Mason. Doctor. +Yeah, I just.... Tryin' to remember somethin' somebody once told me about tyin' a fly. +Tryin' to remember somethin' somebody once told me about tyin' a fly. And only then does our noble friend realize... +And only then does our noble friend realize... ...that the prey can bite back. +...that the prey can bite back. Let me have those. +Mr. Sweeney, how goes it? Well, Costello's finished with the stability profile, but Abbott is still chewing on the load file. +Well, Costello's finished with the stability profile, but Abbott is still chewing on the load file. So reaction temperature is fifty degrees. +So reaction temperature is fifty degrees. Well, your prediction was on the nose. +Well, your prediction was on the nose. How much longer for the range and power projections? +How much longer for the range and power projections? I don't know. Um, he's working, but there's a lot of data. Maybe...another hour? +I don't know. Um, he's working, but there's a lot of data. Maybe...another hour? We don't have an hour. We're already supposed to be shut down. +Dr. Long! I got eight thousand yards. Radius is five... +I got eight thousand yards. Radius is five... ...miles. +...miles. What? +...you, Mason? Yeah, yeah... +What? Say again, Ma-... ...-son. +...-son. What we gave Brynner on the dam was a phony! +What we gave Brynner on the dam was a phony! We've got the real thing! +We've got the real thing! Where are you now... +Where are you now... ...Mason? +...Mason? I'm at mile marker... +Mason, what is the temperature of Elvis?! Forty-seven. +Forty-seven. If you're not out of there soon, I have got to seal the... +If you're not out of there soon, I have got to seal the... ...tunnel! +...tunnel! God! They're gonna seal it. +Mason. Mason! Yeah. +There's a vent shaft leading straight up. Okay, I'll have a chopper meet you at the top. +So, Mason, last Wednesday night, uh...were you out... ...uh, drifting around like the trash you are, or were you here workin'? +...uh, drifting around like the trash you are, or were you here workin'? If it was Wednesday night, I was workin'. +If it was Wednesday night, I was workin'. Do you recognize this young man? +Do you recognize this young man? Nope. Is there a prob-... +Nope. Is there a prob-... ...-lem? +...-lem? You find yourself wearing a... +You find yourself wearing a... ...badge someday, then you can ask the questions. Until then... +...badge someday, then you can ask the questions. Until then... ...you answer mine. +...you answer mine. Got that? +Got that? So you don't remember... +So you don't remember... ...selling this young man beer Wednesday night. +...selling this young man beer Wednesday night. I don't sell beer to minors. I take that kinda thing... +I don't sell beer to minors. I take that kinda thing... ...seriously. +...seriously. That's not the way I... +Lying? Mason, you wouldn't know the truth if it bit you. We've got your whole record. We know about the-the conviction for vagrancy... +Mason, you wouldn't know the truth if it bit you. We've got your whole record. We know about the-the conviction for vagrancy... ...public drunkenness.... +...public drunkenness.... I didn't sell the boy any... +I didn't sell the boy any... ...beer. +...beer. Shut your mouth until I tell you... +Shut your mouth until I tell you... ...to talk, son. +...to talk, son. "You know, I gotta tell you. That really bothers me, somebody calls me ""son.""" +"You know, I gotta tell you. That really bothers me, somebody calls me ""son.""" "Then how about if I call you ""ass-..." +Let me see your... ...hands! +...hands! Pappas! Move the car! +I said let me see your hands now! You redneck idiot, do you have... +You redneck idiot, do you have... ...any idea what's goin' on here?! +...any idea what's goin' on here?! Yeah, asshole. I'm puttin' a murder suspect and a guy who... +Yeah, asshole. I'm puttin' a murder suspect and a guy who... ...stole a truck under arrest. +Listen, Pappas... ...there's a colonel... +...there's a colonel... ...on the other end of this phone. +...on the other end of this phone. His name's Vitelli. Talk to him. He's right out-... +His name's Vitelli. Talk to him. He's right out-... ...side! +...side! What happened to Colonel Brynner? +Wait. Listen to me, Pappas. If you don't let us by... ...we're all gonna die in this... +...we're all gonna die in this... ...tunnel now! +...tunnel now! Just go check the temperature. +Just go check the temperature. Don't move! +What the hell was that? The Army, sealin' us in. +The Army, sealin' us in. Jesus. +All right. I'll lead 'em out. +You sure? Yeah, I'm sure. +Yeah, I'm sure. All right, go. +All right, go. Fol-... +Okay, doc. The usual. Doc. +The usual. Doc. EXT. U.S. ARMY RESEARCH LABORATORY/GUARD GATE - JEROME - NIGHT. +Get in EXT. DARLENE'S STORE - NIGHT. +Gimme this god-... ...-damn phone. +...-damn phone. Talk to me. +Talk to me. INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - DAY. +Arlo. INT. ANDY'S ICE CREAM FACTORY/ANDY'S OFFICE - DAY. +Oh. BLACK BACKGROUND. +We've gotta take out Brynner's van before they reach... INT. GOMEZ'S HELICOPTER - DAY. +Do it now. INT. GOMEZ'S HELICOPTER - DAY. +Uh, so head for the other end of the tunnel. INT. VITELLI'S HELICOPTER - DAY. +I'll stay here and secure this position. INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY. +It's too late, Mason. I've... INT. TUNNEL - DAY. +...gotta seal it. INT. GOMEZ'S HELICOPTER - DAY. +Negative. Negative. INT. VITELLI'S HELICOPTER - DAY. +There's ammo fire from Brynner's vehicle. He must've had a damn arsenal in there. +He must've had a damn arsenal in there. INT. TUNNEL - DAY. +Now! Seal that tunnel now! INT. TUNNEL - DAY. +Look at that. Heat's murder. +Barney, who is this bimbo? He a regular customer? Take it easy, Jake. +Take it easy, Jake. Look, pal. I make an honest living. People don't come to me unless they're miserable and I help 'em out of a bad situation. I don't kick them out of their homes like you jerks who work in the bank. +Look, pal. I make an honest living. People don't come to me unless they're miserable and I help 'em out of a bad situation. I don't kick them out of their homes like you jerks who work in the bank. Jake, for Christ's sake. +I don't know how that got in the paper as a matter of fact – it surprised me it was so quick. I make an honest living. 'Course you do, Jake. +'Course you do, Jake. An honest living. +An honest living. So anyway, he says, 'whyn't you do what the Chinese do?' +I'll settle for L.A. County. Row twenty-three, section C. +How come all these new names are pasted into the plat book? Land sales out of escrow are always recorded within the week. +Then these are all new owners? That's right. +That's right. But that means that most of the valley's been sold in the last few months. +But that means that most of the valley's been sold in the last few months. If that's what it says. +If that's what it says. Can I check one of these volumes out? +Can I check one of these volumes out? Sir, this is not a lending library, it's the Hall of Records. +Sir, this is not a lending library, it's the Hall of Records. Well, then, how about a ruler? +Well, then, how about a ruler? A ruler? +A ruler? The print's pretty fine. I forgot my glasses. I'd like to be able to read across. +Sir? I said horseshit. Horseshit. +I said horseshit. Horseshit. Yes, sir, that's what it looks like. I'll give you that. +Always? What? Oh, damn near yes. Unless the animal's sick or something. And the steam rising off it like that in the morning. That's life, Mr. Gittes. Life. +You know, you've got a nasty reputation, Mr. Gittes. I like that. Thanks. +Thanks. If you were a bank president that would be one thing, but in your business it's admirable. And it's good advertising. +If you were a bank president that would be one thing, but in your business it's admirable. And it's good advertising. It doesn't hurt. +It doesn't hurt. It's why you attract a client like my daughter. +It's why you attract a client like my daughter. Probably. +Probably. But I'm surprised you're still working for her, unless she's suddenly come up with another husband. +But I'm surprised you're still working for her, unless she's suddenly come up with another husband. No. She happens to think the last one was murdered. +How did she get that idea? I think I gave it to her. +Fine, as long as you don't serve chicken that way. Tell me. What do the police say? +Tell me. What do the police say? They're calling it an accident. +They're calling it an accident. Who's the investigating officer? +Who's the investigating officer? Lou Escobar – he's a Lieutenant. +Lou Escobar – he's a Lieutenant. Do you know him? +Do you know him? Oh yes. +Oh yes. Where from? +Where from? We worked in Chinatown together. +We worked in Chinatown together. Would you call him a capable man? +Would you call him a capable man? Very. +Very. Honest? +Honest? Far as it goes. Of course he has to swim in the same water we all do. +Far as it goes. Of course he has to swim in the same water we all do. Of course, but you've got no reason to think he's bungled the case? +Of course, but you've got no reason to think he's bungled the case? None. +None. That's too bad. +That's too bad. Too bad? +Too bad? It disturbs me, Mr. Gittes. It makes me think you're taking my daughter for a ride. Financially speaking, of course. How much are you charging her? +It disturbs me, Mr. Gittes. It makes me think you're taking my daughter for a ride. Financially speaking, of course. How much are you charging her? My usual fee, plus a bonus if I come up with any results. +My usual fee, plus a bonus if I come up with any results. Are you sleeping with her? Come, come, Mr. Gittes. You don't have to think about that to remember, do you? +If you want an answer to that question I can always put one of my men on the job. Good afternoon, Mr. Cross. Mr. Gittes! You're dealing with a disturbed woman who's lost her husband. I don't want her taken advantage of. Sit down. +Mr. Gittes! You're dealing with a disturbed woman who's lost her husband. I don't want her taken advantage of. Sit down. What for? +What for? You may think you know what you're dealing with, but believe me, you don't. +Why is that funny? It's what the D.A. used to tell me about Chinatown. +It's what the D.A. used to tell me about Chinatown. Was he right? +...Exactly what do you know about me, Mr. Gittes? Mainly that you're rich and too respectable to want your name in the papers. +Mainly that you're rich and too respectable to want your name in the papers. 'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings and whores all get respectable if they last long enough. I'll double whatever your fees are and I'll pay you ten thousand dollars if you can find Hollis' girlfriend. +'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings and whores all get respectable if they last long enough. I'll double whatever your fees are and I'll pay you ten thousand dollars if you can find Hollis' girlfriend. His girlfriend? +His girlfriend? Yes, his girlfriend. +Yes, his girlfriend. You mean the little chippie he was with at the El Macando? +You mean the little chippie he was with at the El Macando? Yes. She's disappeared, hasn't she? +Yes. She's disappeared, hasn't she? Yeah. +Yeah. Doesn't that strike you as odd? +Doesn't that strike you as odd? No. She's probably scared to death. +No. She's probably scared to death. Wouldn't it be useful to talk to her? +Wouldn't it be useful to talk to her? Maybe. +Maybe. If Mulwray was murdered, she was probably one of the last people to see him. +If Mulwray was murdered, she was probably one of the last people to see him. You didn't see Mulwray much, did you? +You didn't see Mulwray much, did you? No. +No. When was the last time? +Sheriff's gold posse... bunch of damn fools who pay $5,000 apiece to the sheriff's reelection. I let 'em practice up out here. Yeah. Do you remember the last time you talked to Mulwray? +At my age, you tend to lose track... Well, It was about five days ago. You were outside the Pig 'n Whistle and you had one hell of an argument. +I've got the photographs in my office. If they'll help you remember. What was the argument about? My daughter. +My daughter. What about her? +What about her? Just find the girl, Mr. Gittes. I think she is frightened and I happen to know Hollis was fond of her. I'd like to help her if I can. +Just find the girl, Mr. Gittes. I think she is frightened and I happen to know Hollis was fond of her. I'd like to help her if I can. I didn't realize you and Hollis were so fond of each other. +Hollis Mulwray made this city and he made me a fortune... We were a lot closer than Evelyn realized. If you want to hire me, I still have to know what you and Mulwray were arguing about. +If you want to hire me, I still have to know what you and Mulwray were arguing about. Well... she's an extremely jealous person. I didn't want her to find out about the girl. +Well... she's an extremely jealous person. I didn't want her to find out about the girl. How did you find out? +How did you find out? I've still got a few teeth in my head, Mr. Gittes, and a few friends in town. +I've still got a few teeth in my head, Mr. Gittes, and a few friends in town. Okay. My secretary'll send you a letter of agreement. Tell me are you worried about that girl, or what Evelyn might do to her? +Okay. My secretary'll send you a letter of agreement. Tell me are you worried about that girl, or what Evelyn might do to her? Just find the girl. +Just find the girl. I'll look into it as soon as I check out some avocado groves. +I'll look into it as soon as I check out some avocado groves. Avocado groves? +Avocado groves? We'll be in touch, Mr. Cross. +Well, you don't look any the worse for wear, Mr. Gittes, I must say... where's the girl?... I've got her. +I've got her. Is she all right? +Is she all right? She's fine. +She's fine. Where is she? +Where is she? With her mother. +I'd like you to look at something, Mr. Cross. What is it? +What is it? An obituary column... can you read in this light? +An obituary column... can you read in this light? Yes... I think I can manage... +What does this mean? That you killed Hollis Mulwray. +...the coroner's report showed Mulwray had salt water in his lungs. Hollie was always fond of tide-pools. You know what he used to say about them? +Hollie was always fond of tide-pools. You know what he used to say about them? Haven't the faintest idea. +Haven't the faintest idea. That's where life begins... marshes, sloughs, tide-pools... he was fascinated by them... you know when we first came out here he figured that if you dumped water onto desert sand it would percolate down into the bedrock and stay there, instead of evaporating the way it does in most reservoirs. You'd lose only twenty percent instead of seventy or eighty. He made this city. +That's where life begins... marshes, sloughs, tide-pools... he was fascinated by them... you know when we first came out here he figured that if you dumped water onto desert sand it would percolate down into the bedrock and stay there, instead of evaporating the way it does in most reservoirs. You'd lose only twenty percent instead of seventy or eighty. He made this city. And that's what you were going to do in the Valley? +And that's what you were going to do in the Valley? No, Mr. Gittes. That's what I am doing with the Valley. The bond issue passes Tuesday. There'll be ten million to build an aqueduct and reservoir. I'm doing it. +No, Mr. Gittes. That's what I am doing with the Valley. The bond issue passes Tuesday. There'll be ten million to build an aqueduct and reservoir. I'm doing it. There's going to be some irate citizens when they find out they're paying for water they're not getting. +There's going to be some irate citizens when they find out they're paying for water they're not getting. That's all taken care of. You see, Mr. Gittes. Either you bring the water to L.A. or you bring L.A. to the water. +That's all taken care of. You see, Mr. Gittes. Either you bring the water to L.A. or you bring L.A. to the water. How do you do that? +How do you do that? Just incorporate the Valley into the city so the water goes to L.A. after all. It's very simple. +How much are you worth? I have no idea. How much do you want? +I have no idea. How much do you want? I want to know what you're worth. Over ten million? +I want to know what you're worth. Over ten million? Oh, my, yes. +Oh, my, yes. Then why are you doing it? How much better can you eat? What can you buy that you can't already afford? +Then why are you doing it? How much better can you eat? What can you buy that you can't already afford? The future, Mr. Gittes. The future. Now where's the girl?... I want the only daughter I have left... as you found out, Evelyn was lost to me a long time ago. +The future, Mr. Gittes. The future. Now where's the girl?... I want the only daughter I have left... as you found out, Evelyn was lost to me a long time ago. Who do you blame for that? Her? +Hello. Have you got your checkbook handy, Mr. Cross? I've got the girl. +Have you got your checkbook handy, Mr. Cross? I've got the girl. You've got her? Where? +You've got her? Where? Do you remember the figures we discussed? +Do you remember the figures we discussed? Of course I do. Where are you? +Of course I do. Where are you? At your daughter's house. How soon can you get here? +At your daughter's house. How soon can you get here? Two hours... tell me, will Evelyn be there as well? +Two hours... tell me, will Evelyn be there as well? Either that or she'll be in jail. +Either that or she'll be in jail. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Just bring your checkbook. +She's just no good. What can I tell you, Kid? You're right. When you're right, you're right, and you're right. +What can I tell you, Kid? You're right. When you're right, you're right, and you're right. Ain't worth thinking about. +You're absolutely right, I wouldn't give her another thought. You know, you're okay, Mr. Gittes. I know it's your job, but you're okay. +You know, you're okay, Mr. Gittes. I know it's your job, but you're okay. Thanks, Curly. Call me Jake. +Thanks, Curly. Call me Jake. Thanks. You know something, Jake? +Thanks. You know something, Jake? What's that, Curly? +What's that, Curly? I think I'll kill her. +They don't kill a guy for that. Oh they don't? +Oh they don't? Not for your wife. That's the unwritten law. +...No... You bet your ass you don't. You can't even pay me off. +I'll pay the rest next trip. We only caught sixty ton of skipjack around San Benedict. We hit a chubasco, they don't pay you for skipjack the way they do for tuna or albacore. Forget it. I only mention it to illustrate a point... +What kind of guy do you think I am? Thanks, Mr. Gittes. +Thanks, Mr. Gittes. Call me Jake. Careful driving home, Curly. +Gee, this is a surprise, Mr. Gittes. Call me Jake. How is everything? +Call me Jake. How is everything? Just sitting down to supper, Jake. Care to join us? +Just sitting down to supper, Jake. Care to join us? No thanks. +No thanks. How about a glass of wine? Honey, this is... +Sure thing. Curly, where's your car? +Curly, where's your car? In the garage. +In the garage. Where's that? +Where's that? Off the alley. +Off the alley. Could you drive me somewhere? +Could you drive me somewhere? Sure, as soon as we eat. +Sure, as soon as we eat. Right now, Curly. It can't wait. +Right now, Curly. It can't wait. I'll just tell my wife. +I'll just tell my wife. Tell her later. +How much do you owe me, Curly? Oh, gee, Mr. Gittes we're going out tomorrow. I know you been real good about it but my cousin Auggie's sick. +Oh, gee, Mr. Gittes we're going out tomorrow. I know you been real good about it but my cousin Auggie's sick. Forget it. How would you like to pay me off by taking a couple of passengers to Ensenada... you'd have to leave tonight. +Forget it. How would you like to pay me off by taking a couple of passengers to Ensenada... you'd have to leave tonight. I don't know... +I don't know... I might be able to squeeze an extra seventy-five bucks out of it for you. Maybe an even hundred. +I might be able to squeeze an extra seventy-five bucks out of it for you. Maybe an even hundred. Plus what I owe you? +Plus what I owe you? I'll throw that in too. +I'll throw that in too. Okay, you got yourself a boat. +Tell Mrs. Mulwray to wait for half an hour after you get there. Then if I don't show, take her down to the boat. You sure this is okay? +You sure this is okay? Curly, you know how long I been in business. +So there's this fella who's tired of screwing his wife. Jake, listen. +Jake, listen. Shut up, Duffy, you're always in a hurry and his friend says why not do what the Chinese do? So he says what do they do? His friend says the Chinese they screw for a while. Just listen a second, Duffy... +There's seven ashtrays in this room, Duffy. Okay. +Okay. That's a filthy habit. +That's a filthy habit. I said okay, Jake. +I said okay, Jake. Yeah, yeah. If she'd come in here saying she was Shirley Temple you'd say okay to that, too. +Then what'll you do? Sue the shit out of 'em. +Yes. I've been wanting to meet you. +I've been wanting to meet you. Why? +Why? Did you know that you're a very wealthy woman? +Did you know that you're a very wealthy woman? I'm not. +I'm not. Well you own a lot of land. +Well you own a lot of land. Not anymore. Oh, some time ago, my late husband owned a good deal of beach property in Long Beach, but we lost it. +That's just lovely. Thank you... +Where did you get this material? The apple core club. +The apple core club. The apple core? +The apple core? No. The albacore. It's a fish. My grandson's a member and they take very nice care of us. +No. The albacore. It's a fish. My grandson's a member and they take very nice care of us. How do they do that? +How do they do that? Give us things. Not just some old flag like this, but –- +Give us things. Not just some old flag like this, but –- But what? +Hello, Jake. How are you, Lou? +How are you, Lou? I have a cold I can't seem to shake but other than that, I'm fine. +I have a cold I can't seem to shake but other than that, I'm fine. Summer colds are the worst. +Summer colds are the worst. Yeah, they are. +Thanks, Lou. How'd you get past the guards? +How'd you get past the guards? Well, to tell you the truth, I lied a little. +You've done well by yourself. I get by. +I get by. Well, sometimes it takes a while for a man to find himself and I guess you have. +You're behind the times, Jake. They've got steam irons now. And I'm out of Chinatown. Since when? +Since when? Since I made Lieutenant. +Congratulations. Uh-huh. So what are you doing here? +Uh-huh. So what are you doing here? Looking for someone. +Looking for someone. Who? +Who? Hollis Mulwray. You seen him? +Hollis Mulwray. You seen him? Oh yes. +Oh yes. I'd like to talk to him. +I'd like to talk to him. You're welcome to try. There he is. +You wouldn't happen to know the present whereabouts of the young woman. No. +No. Or her name? +Or her name? No. +I don't want it anymore. No? +No? No. It was an accident. +No. It was an accident. You mean that's what you're going to call it. +No, he drowned a cousin of mine with about five hundred other people. But they weren't very important, just a bunch of dumb Mexicans living by a dam. Now beat it, Gittes, you don't come out of this smelling like a rose, you know. Oh yeah? Can you think of something to charge me with? +Oh yeah? Can you think of something to charge me with? When I do, you'll hear about it. +What are you doing here? Didn't you call? +Didn't you call? How do you happen to know her? +How do you happen to know her? I don't. +I don't. Let me show you something. +Isn't that your number? Is it? I forget. I don't call myself that often. +Is it? I forget. I don't call myself that often. Just to be on the safe side, we had Loach here give you a ring. +Yeah, I took 'em. So what? How did she... ...happen to have them? +You really think I'm stupid, don't you, Gittes? I don't think about it one way or the other. But if you want, give me a day or two, and I'll get back to you. Now I'd like to go home. +I don't think about it one way or the other. But if you want, give me a day or two, and I'll get back to you. Now I'd like to go home. I want the rest of the pictures. +I want the rest of the pictures. What pictures? +What pictures? This broad hired you, Gittes, not Evelyn Mulwray. +This broad hired you, Gittes, not Evelyn Mulwray. Yeah? +Yeah? Yeah. Somebody wanted to shake down Mulwray, she hired you, and that's how you happen to know Mulwray was murdered. +Yeah. Somebody wanted to shake down Mulwray, she hired you, and that's how you happen to know Mulwray was murdered. I heard it was an accident. +I heard it was an accident. C'mon, you think you're dealing with a bunch of assholes? Mulwray had salt water in his goddam lungs! Now how did he get that... in a fresh water reservoir? +You were following him night and day. You saw who killed him. You even took pictures of it. It was Evelyn Mulwray. She's been paying you off like a slot machine ever since her husband died. You accusing me of extortion? +You accusing me of extortion? Absolutely. +Absolutely. I don't think I need a day or two. You're even dumber than you think I think you are. Not only that, I'd never extort a nickel out of my worst enemy, that's where I draw the line, Escobar. +I don't think I need a day or two. You're even dumber than you think I think you are. Not only that, I'd never extort a nickel out of my worst enemy, that's where I draw the line, Escobar. Yeah, I once knew a whore who for enough money would piss in a customer's face, but she'd never shit on his chest. That's where she drew the line. +Yeah, I once knew a whore who for enough money would piss in a customer's face, but she'd never shit on his chest. That's where she drew the line. Well, I hope she wasn't too much of a disappointment to you, Lou. +I want those photographs, Gittes. We're talking about accessory after the fact, conspiracy, and extortion. Minimum. Why do you think Mulwray's body was moved you dimwit? Evelyn Mulwray knocked off her husband in the ocean and thought it would look like more of an accident if she hauled him up to the Oak Pass Reservoir? +Mulwray was murdered and moved because somebody didn't want his body found in the ocean. And why's that? +And why's that? He found out somebody was dumping water there. That's what they were trying to cover up by moving him. +What are you talking about? C'mon I'll show you. +It's too late. Too late for what? +Too late for what? They only dump the water at night. +I know what he says. Shut up. Go on. +I don't suppose you got any idea Where she went? Matter of fact I do. +Matter of fact I do. Where? +Where? Her maid's house. I think she knows something's up. +Her maid's house. I think she knows something's up. What's the maid's address? +What's the maid's address? She lives in Pedro. I'll write it down for you. +She lives in Pedro. I'll write it down for you. No, Gittes, you'll show us. +No, Gittes, you'll show us. What for? +What for? If she's not there, you're going downtown, and you're staying there til she shows up. +If she's not there, you're going downtown, and you're staying there til she shows up. Gee, Lou, I'm doing the best I can. +Gee, Lou, I'm doing the best I can. Tell us about it on the way to Pedro. +That's it? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, let's go. +Well, let's go. Do me a favor, will you, Lou? +You never learn, do you, Gittes? I guess not. +I guess not. Give you three minutes. +Give you three minutes. Gee, thanks, Lou. +Mrs. Mulwray, you don't want to run around like that. Oh, Christ. Escobar, you don't know what's going on. Let her go. I'll explain it later. +Oh, Christ. Escobar, you don't know what's going on. Let her go. I'll explain it later. Mrs. Mulwray, it's a very serious offense pointing that at an officer of the law. It's a felony. +Mrs. Mulwray, it's a very serious offense pointing that at an officer of the law. It's a felony. Let her go. She didn't kill anybody. +Let her go. She didn't kill anybody. I'm sorry, Mrs. Mulwray. +I'm sorry, Mrs. Mulwray. Lou, she will kill you. Let her go for now. You don't know. +Lou, she will kill you. Let her go for now. You don't know. Gittes, stay outta this. +Who is he, get his name? I'll kill him. Take it easy, take it easy, it was an accident. +Take it easy, take it easy, it was an accident. An accident? +Get him away from her. He's responsible for everything. Get him away from her! Jake, you're very disturbed. You're crazy. That's her father. +It looks like he was washed the entire length of the runoff channel. Could he swim? Of course. +Of course. Obviously the fall must have knocked him out. +...Well, it didn't make him happy... But there is no possibility he would have taken his own life? +But there is no possibility he would have taken his own life? No. +No. Mrs. Mulwray, do you happen to know the name of the young woman in question? +No. Do you know where she might be? +Do you know where she might be? Certainly not! +You and your husband never discussed her? He... we did... he wouldn't tell me her name. We quarreled over her... of course. It came as a complete surprise to me. +He... we did... he wouldn't tell me her name. We quarreled over her... of course. It came as a complete surprise to me. A complete surprise? +A complete surprise? Yes. +Yes. But I thought you'd hired a private investigator. +But I thought you'd hired a private investigator. A private investigator? +A private investigator? Mr. Gittes. +Mr. Gittes. Well yes. +Will you need me for anything else, Lieutenant? I don't think so, Mrs. Mulwray. Of course you have my deepest sympathy and if we need anymore information, we'll be in touch. +Not that Mulwray? Yes, that Mulwray, Mr. Gittes. And since you agree with me we've never met, you must also agree that I haven't hired you to do anything. Certainly not spy on my husband. I see you like publicity, Mr. Gittes. Well, you're going to get it. +Yes, that Mulwray, Mr. Gittes. And since you agree with me we've never met, you must also agree that I haven't hired you to do anything. Certainly not spy on my husband. I see you like publicity, Mr. Gittes. Well, you're going to get it. Now wait a minute, Mrs. Mulwray... +Would you like something to drink? What are you having? +What are you having? Iced tea. +Iced tea. Yeah. Fine, thank you. +My husband's at the office. Actually he's not. And he's moved from his apartment at the El Macando. +Actually he's not. And he's moved from his apartment at the El Macando. That's not his apartment. +That's not his apartment. Anyway... I... the point is, Mrs. Mulwray. I'm not in business to be loved, but I am in business, and believe me, whoever set up your husband, set me up. L.A.'s a small town, people talk. +I'm just trying to make a living, and I don't want to become a local Joke. Mr. Gittes, you've talked me into it. I'll drop the lawsuit. +Mr. Gittes, you've talked me into it. I'll drop the lawsuit. What? +What? I said I'll drop it. +So let's just drop the whole thing. Sugar? Lemon? Mrs. Mulwray? +Mrs. Mulwray? Yes, Mr. Gittes? +Yes, Mr. Gittes? I don't want to drop it. +I should talk this over with your husband. Why?... What on earth for? Look, Hollis seems to think you're an innocent man. +Why?... What on earth for? Look, Hollis seems to think you're an innocent man. Well, I've been accused of many things, Mrs. Mulwray, but never that. +You see, somebody went to a lot of trouble here, and I want to find out, lawsuit or no lawsuit. I'm not the one who's supposed to be caught with my pants down... so I'd like to see your husband. Unless that's a problem. What do you mean? +What do you mean? May I speak frankly, Mrs. Mulwray? +May I speak frankly, Mrs. Mulwray? You may if you can, Mr. Gittes. +You may if you can, Mr. Gittes. Well, that little girlfriend, she was attractive in a cheap sort of way of course. She's disappeared. Maybe they disappeared together somewhere. +Well, that little girlfriend, she was attractive in a cheap sort of way of course. She's disappeared. Maybe they disappeared together somewhere. Suppose they did. How does it concern you? +Suppose they did. How does it concern you? Nothing personal, Mrs. Mulwray, I just -- +Nothing personal, Mrs. Mulwray, I just -- It's very personal. It couldn't be more personal. Is this a business or an obsession with you? +It's very personal. It couldn't be more personal. Is this a business or an obsession with you? Look at it this way. Now this phony broad, excuse the language, says she's you, she's hired me. Whoever put her up to it, didn't have anything against me. They were out to get your husband. Now if I see him, I can help him. Did you talk this morning? +No. I went riding rather early. Looks like you went quite a distance. +Looks like you went quite a distance. No, Just riding bareback, that's all. Anyway, you might try the Oak Pass or Stone Canyon Reservoirs. Sometimes at lunch Hollis takes walks around them. Otherwise he'll be home by 6:30. +No, Just riding bareback, that's all. Anyway, you might try the Oak Pass or Stone Canyon Reservoirs. Sometimes at lunch Hollis takes walks around them. Otherwise he'll be home by 6:30. I'll stop by. +I'll stop by. Please call first. +Mrs. Mulwray?... Mrs. Mulwray. ...Just a minute... +...Just a minute... You left your keys in the ignition. +You left your keys in the ignition. Oh... thank you. +Thank you for going along with me. I just didn't want to explain anything... I'll send you a check. A check? +I got your check in the mall. Yes. As I said, I was very grateful. +Mrs. Mulwray, I'm afraid that's not good enough. Well, how much would you like? +Well, how much would you like? Stop it. The money's fine. It's generous but you've shortchanged me on the story. +Stop it. The money's fine. It's generous but you've shortchanged me on the story. I have? +I have? I think so. Something besides your husband's death was bothering you. You were upset but not that upset. +I think so. Something besides your husband's death was bothering you. You were upset but not that upset. Mr. Gittes... Don't tell me how I feel. +Sorry. Look, you sue me, your husband dies, you drop the lawsuit like a hot potato, and all of it quicker than wind from a duck's ass. Excuse me. Then you ask me to lie to the police. It wasn't much of a lie. +It wasn't much of a lie. If your husband was killed it was. This can look like you paid me off to withhold evidence. +If your husband was killed it was. This can look like you paid me off to withhold evidence. But he wasn't killed. +Well, I suppose I am... actually I knew about the affair. How did you find out? +How did you find out? My husband. +My husband. He told you? +And you weren't the slightest bit upset about it? I was grateful. +You'll have to explain that, Mrs. Mulwray. Why? +Why? Look, I do matrimonial work, It's my metiay. When a wife tells me she's happy her husband is cheating on her it runs contrary to my experience. +Unless what? She's cheating on him. +I don't like the word 'cheat.' Did you have affairs? +Did you have affairs? Mr. Gittes. +Mr. Gittes. Did he know? +Did he know? Well I wouldn't run home and tell him whenever I went to bed with someone, if that's what you mean. +Is there anything else you want to know? Where you were when your husband died. +Where you were when your husband died. I can't tell you. +I can't tell you. You mean you don't know where you were? +You mean you don't know where you were? I mean I can't tell you. +I mean I can't tell you. You were seeing someone, too. +For very long? I don't see anyone for very long, Mr. Gittes. It's difficult for me. Now I think you know all you need to about me. I didn't want publicity. I didn't want to go into any of this, then or now. Is this all? +K... Cross. That your maiden name? +That your maiden name? Yes... why? +Yes... why? No reason. +You must've had a reason to ask me that. No. I'm just a snoop. +No. I'm just a snoop. You seem to have had a reason for every other question. +You seem to have had a reason for every other question. No, not for that one. +No, not for that one. I don't believe you. +How did it happen? Been meaning to talk to you about that. +Been meaning to talk to you about that. Maybe putting your nose in other people's business? +Maybe putting your nose in other people's business? More like other people putting their business in my nose. +Another satisfied client? Another satisfied client's wife. +Oh, no. I've got my own car. The creamcolored Packard. Wait a minute, sonny. I think you better come with me. +Wait a minute, sonny. I think you better come with me. What for? There's nothing more to say. Get my car, please. +Whoever's behind my husband's death, why have they gone to all this trouble? Money. How they plan to make it by emptying the reservoirs, that I don't know. +Money. How they plan to make it by emptying the reservoirs, that I don't know. I'll pay your salary plus five thousand dollars if you find out what happened to Hollis and who is involved. +Your father is Julian Cross, isn't he? Yes, of course. It was quite a while after. I was just out of grade school when they did that. +Yes, of course. It was quite a while after. I was just out of grade school when they did that. So you married your father's business partner? +You've got one going, Mrs. Mulwray. Oh. +Is there something upsetting about my asking about your father? No!... Yes, a little. You see Hollis and my fa... my father had a falling out... +No!... Yes, a little. You see Hollis and my fa... my father had a falling out... Over the water department, or over you? +Over the water department, or over you? Not over me. Why would they have a falling out over me? +Not over me. Why would they have a falling out over me? Then it was over the water department. +Then it was over the water department. Not exactly. Well, I mean, yes. Yes and no. Hollis felt the public should own the water but I don't think my father felt that way. Actually, it was over the Van der Lip. The dam that broke. +Not exactly. Well, I mean, yes. Yes and no. Hollis felt the public should own the water but I don't think my father felt that way. Actually, it was over the Van der Lip. The dam that broke. Oh, yeah? +Oh, yeah? Yes. He never forgave him for it. +Yes. He never forgave him for it. Never forgave him for what? +Never forgave him for what? For talking him into building it, he never forgave my father... They haven't spoken to this day. +For talking him into building it, he never forgave my father... They haven't spoken to this day. You sure shout that? +You sure shout that? Of course I'm sure. +Of course I'm sure. What about you? Do you and your father get along? +What are you thinking? Before this I turned on the faucet, it came out hot and cold, I didn't think there was a thing to it. +That dam is a con job. What dam? +What dam? The one your husband opposed. They're conning L.A. into building it, only the water won't go to L.A. It'll go here. +The one your husband opposed. They're conning L.A. into building it, only the water won't go to L.A. It'll go here. The Valley? +The Valley? Everything you can see, everything around us. I was at the Hall of Records today. That bother you? +Everything you can see, everything around us. I was at the Hall of Records today. That bother you? No. +No. In the last three months, Robert Knox has bought 7,000 acres, Emma Dill 12,000 acres, Clarence Speer 5,000 acres, and Jasper Lamar Crabb 25,000 acres. +In the last three months, Robert Knox has bought 7,000 acres, Emma Dill 12,000 acres, Clarence Speer 5,000 acres, and Jasper Lamar Crabb 25,000 acres. Jasper Lamar Crabb? +Jasper Lamar Crabb? Know him? +Know him? No, I think I'd remember. +No, I think I'd remember. Yeah. They've been blowing these farmers out of here and buying their land for peanuts. Have any idea what this land'll be worth with a steady water supply? About thirty million more than they paid. +Yeah. They've been blowing these farmers out of here and buying their land for peanuts. Have any idea what this land'll be worth with a steady water supply? About thirty million more than they paid. And Hollis knew about it? +And Hollis knew about it? It's why he was killed. Jasper Lamar Crabb. Jasper Lamar Crabb. +We got it. We got it, baby. What? What is it? +What? What is it? There was a memorial service at the Mar Vista Inn today for Jasper Lamar Crabb. He died three weeks ago. +There was a memorial service at the Mar Vista Inn today for Jasper Lamar Crabb. He died three weeks ago. Is that unusual? +Is that unusual? Two weeks ago he bought those 25,000 acres. That's unusual. +You're looking at the owners of a 50,000 acre empire. They can't be. +They can't be. They may not know it but they are. +I'll stay. Get in the car. +Maid's night off? Why? +Why? What do you mean, 'why?' Nobody's here, that's all. +What do you mean, 'why?' Nobody's here, that's all. I gave everybody the night off. +I gave everybody the night off. Easy, it's an innocent question. +Easy, it's an innocent question. No question from you is innocent, Mr. Gittes. +No question from you is innocent, Mr. Gittes. I guess not to you, Mrs. Mulwray. Frankly you really saved my a... my neck tonight. +Tell me something. Does this usually happen to you, Mr. Gittes? What's that, Mrs. Mulwray? +What's that, Mrs. Mulwray? Well, I'm only judging on the basis of one afternoon and an evening, but if that's how you go about your work, I'd say you're lucky to get through a whole day. +Well, I'm only judging on the basis of one afternoon and an evening, but if that's how you go about your work, I'd say you're lucky to get through a whole day. Actually this hasn't happened to me in some time. +Actually this hasn't happened to me in some time. When was the last time? +When was the last time? Why? +Why? Just. I don't know why. I'm asking. +It was in Chinatown. What were you doing there? +What were you doing there? Working for the District Attorney. +Working for the District Attorney. Doing what? +As little as possible. The District Attorney gives his men advice like that? +The District Attorney gives his men advice like that? They do in Chinatown. +Boy oh boy, you're a mess. Yeah. +Yeah. So why does it bother you to talk about it... Chinatown... +So why does it bother you to talk about it... Chinatown... Bothers everybody who works there, but to me... It was... +Hold still. Why? You can't always tell what's going on there. +You can't always tell what's going on there. ...No. Why was it. +...No. Why was it. I thought I was keeping someone from being hurt and actually I ended up making sure they were hurt. +I thought I was keeping someone from being hurt and actually I ended up making sure they were hurt. Could you do anything about it? +What's wrong? Your eye. +Your eye. What about it? +What about it? There's something black in the green part of your eye. +There's something black in the green part of your eye. Oh that... It's a flaw in the iris... +Oh that... It's a flaw in the iris... ...A flaw... +...A flaw... ...Yes, sort of a birthmark... +Where? Just... I have to. +Just... I have to. And I want to know where. +And I want to know where. Please don't be angry... believe me, it's got nothing to do with you. +Please don't be angry... believe me, it's got nothing to do with you. Where are you going? +Where are you going? Please!... Trust me this much... I'll be back. Look, there is something I should tell you. The fishing club that old lady mentioned, the pieces off the flag. +Please!... Trust me this much... I'll be back. Look, there is something I should tell you. The fishing club that old lady mentioned, the pieces off the flag. The Albacore Club. +The Albacore Club. It has to do with my father. +It has to do with my father. I know. +I know. He owns it. You know? +He owns it. You know? I saw him. +I saw him. You saw my fa... father? When? +You saw my fa... father? When? This morning. +This morning. You didn't tell me. +You didn't tell me. There hasn't been a lot of time. +What did he say? What did he say? That you were jealous, and he was worried about what you might do. +That you were jealous, and he was worried about what you might do. Do? To who? +Do? To who? Mulwray's girlfriend, for one thing. He wanted to know where she was. +I want you to listen to me. My father is a very dangerous man. You don't know how dangerous. You don't know how crazy. Give me an example. +Give me an example. You may think you know what's going on, but you don't. +You may think you know what's going on, but you don't. That's what your father said. You're telling me he's in back of this whole thing? +That's what your father said. You're telling me he's in back of this whole thing? It's possible. +It's possible. Including the death of your husband? +Including the death of your husband? It's possible. Please don't ask me any more questions now. Just wait, wait for me. I'll be back. I need you here. +Okay, give me the keys. You bastard. +You bastard. It's either that or you drive to the police yourself. +It's either that or you drive to the police yourself. The police? +The police? C'mon, Mrs. Mulwray. You've got your husband's girlfriend tied up in there! +C'mon, Mrs. Mulwray. You've got your husband's girlfriend tied up in there! She's not tied up! +She's not tied up! You know what I mean. You're keeping her there against her will. +You know what I mean. You're keeping her there against her will. I am not! +I am not! Then let's go talk to her. +She's too upset. What about? +What about? Hollis' death. I tried to keep it from her, I didn't want her upset before I could make plans for her to leave. +Hollis' death. I tried to keep it from her, I didn't want her upset before I could make plans for her to leave. You mean she just found out? +You mean she just found out? Yes. +Yes. That's not what it looks like, Mrs. Mulwray. +That's not what it looks like, Mrs. Mulwray. What does it look like? +What does it look like? Like she knows about Hollis' death. Like she knows more than you want her to tell. +Like she knows about Hollis' death. Like she knows more than you want her to tell. You're insane. +Just tell me the truth. I'm not the police. I don't care what you've done. I'm not going to hurt you, but one way or another I'm going to know. You won't go to the police if I tell you? +You won't go to the police if I tell you? I will if you don't. +I can't... Because of Hollis? Because she was seeing your husband? Was that it? Jesus Christ, say something. Was that it? +I took your husband's Buick... I'll return it tomorrow. Aren't you coming back with me? +Aren't you coming back with me? Don't worry. I'm not telling anybody about this. +Don't worry. I'm not telling anybody about this. ...That's not what I meant. +Did you get some sleep? Sure. +Sure. Did you have lunch? Kyo will fix you something. +Did you have lunch? Kyo will fix you something. Where's the girl? +Where's the girl? Upstairs. Why? +Upstairs. Why? I want to see her. +I want to see her. ...she's having a bath now... why do you want to see her? +Going somewhere? Yes, we've got a 4:30 train to catch. Why? +J. J. Gittes for Lieutenant Escobar What are you doing? What's wrong? I told you we've got a 4:30. +What are you doing? What's wrong? I told you we've got a 4:30. You're going to miss your train! Lou, meet me at 1412 Adelaide. It's above Santa Monica Canyon... yeah, soon as you can. +You're going to miss your train! Lou, meet me at 1412 Adelaide. It's above Santa Monica Canyon... yeah, soon as you can. What did you do that for? +What did you do that for? You know any good criminal lawyers? +You know any good criminal lawyers? No... +No... Don't worry. I can recommend a couple. They're expensive but you can afford it. +Don't worry. I can recommend a couple. They're expensive but you can afford it. What the hell is this all about? +I found these in your backyard... in your fish pond. They belonged to your husband, didn't they?... didn't they? I don't know. I mean yes, probably. +I don't know. I mean yes, probably. Yes positively. That's where he was drowned... +Yes positively. That's where he was drowned... What are you saying? +What are you saying? There's no time for you to be shocked by the truth, Mrs. Mulwray. The coroner's report proves he was killed in salt water. Just take my word for it. Now I want to know how it happened and why. I want to know before Escobar gets here because I want to hang onto my license. +There's no time for you to be shocked by the truth, Mrs. Mulwray. The coroner's report proves he was killed in salt water. Just take my word for it. Now I want to know how it happened and why. I want to know before Escobar gets here because I want to hang onto my license. I don't know what you're talking about. This is the most insane... the craziest thing I ever... +Stop it! I'll make it easy. You were jealous, you fought, he fell, hit his head. It was an accident, but his girl is a witness. You've had to pay her off. You don't have the stomach to harm her, but you've got the money to shut her up. Yes or no? ...no... +...no... Who is she? And don't give me that crap about it being your sister. You don't have a sister. +That's good. Now what's her name? Katherine. +Katherine. Katherine?... Katherine who? +Katherine?... Katherine who? She's my daughter. +I said the truth! She's my sister. +I said I want the truth. She's my sister and my daughter! +...he had a breakdown... the dam broke... my mother died... he became a little boy... I was fifteen... he'd ask me what to eat for breakfast, what clothes to wear!... It happened... then I ran away... To Mexico... +Hollis came and took... care of me... after she was born... he said... he took care of her... I couldn't see her... I wanted to but I couldn't... I just want to see her once in a while... take care of her... that's all... but I don't want her to know... I don't want her to know... ...so that's why you hate him... +Yeah... where are you taking her now? Back to Mexico. +Back to Mexico. You can't go by train. Escobar'll be looking for you everywhere. +You can't go by train. Escobar'll be looking for you everywhere. How about a plane? +How about a plane? That's worse... Just get out of here. Walk out, leave everything. +That's worse... Just get out of here. Walk out, leave everything. I have to go home and get my things. +I have to go home and get my things. I'll take care of it. +I'll take care of it. Where can we go? +Where can we go? ...where does Kyo live? +...where does Kyo live? With us. +With us. On his day off. Get the exact address. +On his day off. Get the exact address. Okay... +How do you know? He didn't wear bifocals. +Let me handle that. I'm all right. +I'm all right. Sure, but I'd like to handle it. +Walsh here? He's in the dark room. +Sophie, go to the little girl's room for a minute. But, Mr. Gittes. +But, Mr. Gittes. Sophie. +Sophie. Yes, Mr. Gittes. +Sophie. Yes, Mr. Gittes. +Yes, Mr. Gittes. Get me the Times. Whitey Mehrholtz. And how about that snotty broad? What does she think, she's perfect? Coming in waving her lawyers and her money at me – so goddam smug. She's no better than anybody else in this town. +Where'd he go yesterday? Three reservoirs. Men's room of a Richfield gas station on Flower, and the Pig 'n Whistle. +Three reservoirs. Men's room of a Richfield gas station on Flower, and the Pig 'n Whistle. Jesus Christ, this guy's really got water on the brain. +Jesus Christ, this guy's really got water on the brain. What'd you expect? That's his job. +What'd you expect? That's his job. Listen, we can't string this broad out indefinitely we got to come up with something. +Listen, we can't string this broad out indefinitely we got to come up with something. I think I got something. +I think I got something. Oh yeah? You pick up the watch? +Oh yeah? You pick up the watch? It's on your desk. Say, you hear the one about the guy who goes to the North Pole with Admiral Byrd looking for penguins? +Sophie... is Walsh there?... yeah, listen, pal, Escobar's going to try and book me in about five minutes... relax, I'll tell you. Wait in the office for two hours. If you don't hear from me, you and Duffy meet me at 1712 Alameda. Jesus, that's in Chinatown, ain't it? +Hello, Miss Sessions. I don't believe we've had the pleasure. Oh yes we have... are you alone, Mr. Gittes? +Oh yes we have... are you alone, Mr. Gittes? Isn't everybody? What can I do for you, Miss Sessions? +Well, I'm a working girl, Mr. Gittes. I didn't come in to see you on my own. When did you come in? +When did you come in? I was the one who pretended to be Mrs. Mulwray, remember? +Shut the fuck up! ...Yes I remember nothing, Miss Sessions, just going over a detail or two with my associates... you were saying? Well I never expected anything to happen like what happened to Mr. Mulwray, the point is if it ever comes out I want somebody to know I didn't know what would happen. +Well I never expected anything to happen like what happened to Mr. Mulwray, the point is if it ever comes out I want somebody to know I didn't know what would happen. I understand... if you could tell me who employed you, Miss Sessions. That could help us both. +I understand... if you could tell me who employed you, Miss Sessions. That could help us both. Oh no. +Oh no. ...Why don't you give me your address and we can talk this over? +...Why don't you give me your address and we can talk this over? No, Mr. Gittes. Just look in the obituary column of today's Times... +No, Mr. Gittes. Just look in the obituary column of today's Times... The obituary column? +The obituary column? You'll find one of those people. +You'll find one of those people. 'Those people?' Miss Sessions. +Yeah, Sophie. A Miss Sessions calling. +A Miss Sessions calling. Who? +Who? Ida Sessions. +Ida Sessions. Don't know her. Take a number. +Miss Ida Sessions again. She says you know her. Okay. +Oh my goodness. Nothing to do with Dad. It's me, actually. +Naturally, I want the best for him, money is no object. Perhaps if we could meet your father. +Perhaps if we could meet your father. There's just one question. +There's just one question. Of course. +Of course. Do you accept anyone of the Jewish persuasion? +I'm sorry. We don't. Don't be sorry, neither does Dad. Wanted to make sure though, didn't we, honey? +Just to be certain, I wonder if you could show us a list of your patients? We don't reveal the names of our guests as a matter of policy. I know you'd appreciate that if your father came to live with us. +That's exactly what we wanted to hear. Oh, good. +Oh, good. I wonder, is it too late for us to have a look around? +I wonder, is it too late for us to have a look around? I don't think so. Be happy to show you. +I don't think so. Be happy to show you. Would you mind if we took a stroll on our own? +Would you mind if we took a stroll on our own? Just, if you will, confine yourself to the main building. It's nearly bedtime. +Just, if you will, confine yourself to the main building. It's nearly bedtime. We understand, c'mon, sweetheart. +Can I help you? Russ Yelburton, Deputy Chief in the Department. J.J. Gittes. And it's not a departmental matter. +J.J. Gittes. And it's not a departmental matter. I wonder if you'd care to wait in my office? +After all, you work with a man for a certain length of time, you come to know him, his habits, his values, and so forth. Well either he's the kind who chases after women or he isn't. And Mulwray isn't? +And Mulwray isn't? He never even kids about it. +He never even kids about it. Maybe he takes it very seriously. +You don't happen to know where Mr. Mulwray's having lunch? I'm sorry, I -- +I'm sorry, I -- Well, tell him I'll be back. +Mind if I take one of your cards? In case I want to get in touch with you again. Help yourself. +Relax, Mulvihill, glad to see you. Do you know Claude Mulvihill here? Hope so. He's working for us. +Mr. Gittes, sorry to keep you waiting. These staff meetings, they just go on and on. Yeah, must be especially tough to take over under these circumstances. +Yeah, must be especially tough to take over under these circumstances. Oh yes. Hollis was the best department head the city's ever had. My goodness, what happened to your nose? +Oh yes. Hollis was the best department head the city's ever had. My goodness, what happened to your nose? I cut myself shaving. +I cut myself shaving. You ought to be more careful. That must really smart. +You ought to be more careful. That must really smart. Only when I breathe. +Only when I breathe. Only when you breathe... don't tell me you're still working for Mrs. Mulwray? +Only when you breathe... don't tell me you're still working for Mrs. Mulwray? I never was. +I never was. I don't understand. +I don't understand. Neither do I, actually. But you hired me or you hired that chippie to hire me. +Neither do I, actually. But you hired me or you hired that chippie to hire me. Mr. Gittes, you're not making a bit of sense. +Mr. Gittes, you're not making a bit of sense. Well, look at it this way, Mr. Yelburton. Mulwray didn't want to build a dam and he had a reputation that was hard to get around, so. you decided to ruin it. Then he found out that you were dumping water every night. Then he was drowned. +Well, look at it this way, Mr. Yelburton. Mulwray didn't want to build a dam and he had a reputation that was hard to get around, so. you decided to ruin it. Then he found out that you were dumping water every night. Then he was drowned. Mr. Gittes! That's an outrageous accusation. I don't know what you're talking about. +Mr. Gittes! That's an outrageous accusation. I don't know what you're talking about. Well, Whitey Mehrholtz over at the Times will. Dumping thousands of gallons of water down the toilet in the middle of a drought. That's news. +Wait. Please sit down, Mr. Gittes. We're... well, we're not anxious for this to get around, but we have been diverting a little water to irrigate avocado and walnut groves in the northwest valley. As you know, the farmers there have no legal right to our water, and since the drought we've had to cut them off. The city comes first, naturally. But, well, we've been trying to help some of them out, keep them from going under. Naturally when you divert water you get a little runoff. Yeah, a little runoff. Where are those orchards? +Yeah, a little runoff. Where are those orchards? I said, the northwest valley. +I said, the northwest valley. That's like saying they're in Arizona. +That's like saying they're in Arizona. Mr. Gittes, my field men are out and I can't give you an exact location... +You're a married man, am I right? Yes... +Yes... Hard working, have a wife and kids... +Hard working, have a wife and kids... Yes... +Yes... I don't want to nail you. I just want to know who put you up to it. I'll give you a few days to think it over. Call me. I can help. Who knows? Maybe we can lay the whole thing off on a few big shots and you can stay head of the department for the next twenty years. +Mr. Gittes? Yes? +Yes? Do you know me? +Do you know me? Well... I think I... I would've remembered. +Well... I think I... I would've remembered. Have we ever met? +Have we ever met? Well, no. +Well, no. Never? +Never? Never. +Never. That's what I thought. You see, I'm Mrs. Evelyn Mulwray. You know, Mr. Mulwray's wife. +Speak English?... Habla Ingles? Si. +Si. Didn't you talk to a man here... few days ago... wore glasses... he... +The water. What about the water? +What about the water? When it comes. +When it comes. When it comes? What'd you tell him? +When it comes? What'd you tell him? Comes in different parts of the river. Every night a different part. +Jake, what're you doin' here? Nothin', Morty, it's my lunch hour, I thought I'd drop by and see who died lately. +Yeah? Ain't that something? Middle of a drought, the water commissioner drowns. Only in L.A. Yeah. Banged up pretty bad. +Yeah. Banged up pretty bad. That's a long fall. +That's a long fall. So how are you, Morty? +Yeah. Drowned, too. +Come again? Yeah, got dead drunk, passed out in the bottom of the riverbed. +Yeah, got dead drunk, passed out in the bottom of the riverbed. The L.A. River? +The L.A. River? Yeah, under Hollenbeck Bridge, what's wrong with that? +It's bone dry, Morty. It's not completely dry. +It's not completely dry. Yeah, well he ain't gonna drown in a damp riverbed either, I don't care how soused he was. That's like drowning in a teaspoon. +Gittes?... Gittes? Yeah. +Yeah. Ida Sessions wants to see you. +Ida Sessions wants to see you. Who? +Yeah?... I do? Sure you do. +Sure you do. Well, tell you what, pal. If Ida wants to see me she can call me at my office. +How do you do, Mrs. Mulwray? Mr. Gittes... +Mr. Gittes... Now, Mrs. Mulwray, what seems to be the problem? +No, really? I'm afraid so. +I'm afraid so. I am sorry. +Can't we talk about this alone, Mr. Gittes? I'm afraid not, Mrs. Mulwray. These men are my operatives and at some point they're going to assist me. I can't do everything myself. +I'm afraid not, Mrs. Mulwray. These men are my operatives and at some point they're going to assist me. I can't do everything myself. Of course not. +Of course not. Now, what makes you certain he is involved with someone? +Mrs. Mulwray, do you love your husband? ...Yes of course. +...Yes of course. Then go home and forget about it. +Then go home and forget about it. But... +But... I'm sure he loves you, too. You know the expression, let sleeping dogs lie? You're better off not knowing. +I'm sure he loves you, too. You know the expression, let sleeping dogs lie? You're better off not knowing. But I have to know. +All right, what's your husband's first name? Hollis. Hollis Mulwray. +Hollis. Hollis Mulwray. Water and Power? +This type of investigation can be hard on your pocketbook, Mrs. Mulwray. It takes time. Money doesn't matter to me, Mr. Gittes. +No problem with me on the Job. Yeah. Do you have any references? +Yeah. Do you have any references? City of La Habra Heights filled an 800,000 gallon reservoir with sixteen inches of rain in two days. +City of La Habra Heights filled an 800,000 gallon reservoir with sixteen inches of rain in two days. That's swell. But how about here? Ever worked for Robert Knox, Emma Dill, Clarence Speer, Marian Parsons, or Jasper Lamar Crabb? +That's swell. But how about here? Ever worked for Robert Knox, Emma Dill, Clarence Speer, Marian Parsons, or Jasper Lamar Crabb? Never heard of 'em... new owners? +Never heard of 'em... new owners? Yeah. +Yeah. Lot of turnover these days. Better tell them to get in touch with me if they want to hang onto their land. +Lot of turnover these days. Better tell them to get in touch with me if they want to hang onto their land. Yeah, I'll do that. +Mr. Mulwray, please. He's not in, Mr.? +He's not in, Mr.? Gittes. +Gittes. May I ask what this is regarding? +May I ask what this is regarding? It's personal. Has he been out long? +It's personal. Has he been out long? Since lunch. +Since lunch. Gee whiz. And I'm late. +Gee whiz. And I'm late. He was expecting you? +He was expecting you? Fifteen minutes ago. Why don't I go in and wait? +Mr. Yelburton will be busy for some time. Well I'm on my lunch hour. I'll wait. +Well I'm on my lunch hour. I'll wait. He's liable to be tied up indefinitely. +He's liable to be tied up indefinitely. I take a long lunch. All day sometimes. +Julian Cross worked for the water department? Yes. No. +Yes. No. He did or he didn't? +He did or he didn't? He owned it. +He owned the water department? Yes. +Yes. He owned the entire water supply for the city? +He owned the entire water supply for the city? Yes. +Yes. How did they get it away from him? +How did they get it away from him? Mr. Mulwray felt the public should own the display. The water. If you'll just read the display. +Mr. Mulwray felt the public should own the display. The water. If you'll just read the display. Mulwray? I thought you said Cross owned the department. +Mulwray? I thought you said Cross owned the department. Along with Mr. Mulwray. +Along with Mr. Mulwray. They were partners. +They were partners. Yes. Yes, they were partners. +This? They got into a terrific argument outside the Pig 'n Whistle. +They got into a terrific argument outside the Pig 'n Whistle. What about? +What about? I don't know. The traffic was pretty loud. I only heard one thing – apple core. +I don't know. The traffic was pretty loud. I only heard one thing – apple core. Apple core? +Apple core? Yeah. +Jesus Christ, Walsh. That's what you spent your day doing? Look, you tell me to take pictures, I take pictures. +Look, you tell me to take pictures, I take pictures. Let me explain something to you, Walsh. This business requires a certain finesse. +Look, Jake. She gave us Mulwray's real phone number and address. All she needed for that was the phone book! +All she needed for that was the phone book! No, no. She said not to call, her husband might answer. +No, no. She said not to call, her husband might answer. When I find out who that phony bitch was. +So he says you sent them? They're all a bunch of phonies. +Think you can nail Mulvihill? They'll claim you were trespassing. I don't want Mulvihill. I want the big boys that are making the payoffs. +Yeah? Yeah. What's wrong with you guys? Think ahead. We find 'em, sue 'em. We'll make a killing. We'll have dinner at Chasen's twice a week, we'll be pissing on ice the rest of our lives. +Yeah. What's wrong with you guys? Think ahead. We find 'em, sue 'em. We'll make a killing. We'll have dinner at Chasen's twice a week, we'll be pissing on ice the rest of our lives. Sue people like that they're liable to be having dinner with the Judge who's trying the suit. +Duffy, go over and sit on Mulvihill. Jesus Christ, I didn't tell you to bring the police department with you. Jake, it's Chinatown. They're all over the place. You oughta know better. +Jake, it's Chinatown. They're all over the place. You oughta know better. Gimme your keys. Watch this old fart, will you? Take Duffy's car. Curly's boat's in Pedro, near the Starkist cannery. It's the Evening Star. He'll be waiting. I'll take care of this. +What's that, pal? Nothing. You got a hell of a way to make a living. +Nothing. You got a hell of a way to make a living. Oh? What do you do to make ends meet? +Oh? What do you do to make ends meet? Mortgage Department, First National Bank. +Tell me, how many people a week do you foreclose on? We don't publish a record in the paper, I can tell you that. +We don't publish a record in the paper, I can tell you that. Neither do I. +Neither do I. No, you have a press agent do it. +Not exactly. But that's what you told your wife. +Lots of fellas do. Tell the little woman they're going on a fishing trip, then shack up with some little twist on the island... she pretty? I'm going to see a man called Julian Cross. Ever heard of him? +I'm going to see a man called Julian Cross. Ever heard of him? Is the Pope Catholic? Who are you, mister?... I ask because he doesn't see a whole lot of people. +Is the Pope Catholic? Who are you, mister?... I ask because he doesn't see a whole lot of people. I'm working for his daughter. +I'm working for his daughter. That right?... She used to be some looker. +That right?... She used to be some looker. She ain't exactly long in the tooth now. +She ain't exactly long in the tooth now. She must be about thirty-three, thirty- four. +She must be about thirty-three, thirty- four. You must be thinking of a different daughter. +You must be thinking of a different daughter. No, he's only got one, I remember her age, I read it in the newspapers when she ran away. +No, he's only got one, I remember her age, I read it in the newspapers when she ran away. She ran away? +She ran away? Oh yeah, it was a big thing at the time. Julian Cross' daughter. God almighty. She was a wild little thing. +Course, she settled down nicely. Well, you never know, do you? +Well, you never know, do you? That's for sure. +That's for sure. Why'd she run away? +Why'd she run away? Oh, you know. She was sixteen or seventeen. +Oh, you know. She was sixteen or seventeen. We missed the best of it, didn't we, pal? +She ran off to Mexico. Rumor was she was knocked up and didn't even know who the father was. Went there to get rid of it. You don't say? +You don't say? Cross was looking for her all over the country. Offered rewards, everything. Felt real sorry for him, with all his money. +You must not come here! How many times do I have to tell you? If the film catches fire, runt that you are, you'd go up in a burst of flame...whoosh! And turn into a piece of... ...and turn into a piece of charcoal!! +'Cause sometimes you can't find the right place any more and so...well, actually...they stay here. Besides, there are more kisses than you can count. So I can have these? +So I can have these? Look, Toto! Before I kick your ass all the way to China and back, let's make a deal. These strips here are yours, I give them to you. However! One you're not to stick your nose in here any more. Two I'll keep them for you, because you can't take them home for God forbid and save our souls, if they catch fire, all hell will break loose! OK? Oh!!! And now scram! +What are you doing here? I bought a ticket. I've come to see the film. +Signora Maria, don't do that. He's just a kid. And why are you telling fibs? We let him in free. He must have lost the money inside the movie theatre... How much did you have? Fifty lire... +Fifty lire... What you find tonight on the floor between the seats? +Alfredo, did you know my father? Of course I knew your father. He was tall, thin, pleasant, and had a moustache like mine. Always smiling. He looked like Clark Gable. +'I choose my friends for their looks, and my enemies for their brains...' You're too smart to be my friend. Besides, as I always tell my kids, be careful to pick the right friends! But you don't have any kids!!! +But you don't have any kids!!! All right, all right! When I've got kids that's what I'm telling them! +I told my mother you weren't the one who gave me the films. That it wasn't your fault. But I thought you said the film could catch fire just to scare me. Now that I know, I won't steal any more from you. That's all I wanted to say. I'm going. Toto, come here. +Now listen to what I've got to say. I took up this profession when I was ten years old. In those days there weren't these modern machines. The films were silent. The projectors were run by hand, like this, with a crank. And you wound the crank all day long. It was really rough going! If you got tired and slowed down' boom! Everything would go up in flames! Then why don't you want to teach it to me too? Now that there's no more cranking, and it's easier? +Then why don't you want to teach it to me too? Now that there's no more cranking, and it's easier? Because I don't want to, Toto! This is not a job for you. It's like being a slave. You're always alone. You see the same film over and over again, because you have nothing else to do. And you start talking to Greta Garbo and Tyrone Power like a nut! You work on holidays, on Christmas, on Easter. Only on Good Friday are you free. But if they hadn't put Jesus Christ on a cross...You'd work Good Fridays too! +Because I don't want to, Toto! This is not a job for you. It's like being a slave. You're always alone. You see the same film over and over again, because you have nothing else to do. And you start talking to Greta Garbo and Tyrone Power like a nut! You work on holidays, on Christmas, on Easter. Only on Good Friday are you free. But if they hadn't put Jesus Christ on a cross...You'd work Good Fridays too! Then why don't you change jobs? +Then why don't you change jobs? Because I'm an idiot. How many other guys in town know how to be a projectionist? None! Only a jerk like me could do it. Besides I wasn't lucky. When I was a kid there was the war! When I grew up, another war! Now it's all different. Times have changed. And you want to be a dope like me? Huh? Answer me! +Because I'm an idiot. How many other guys in town know how to be a projectionist? None! Only a jerk like me could do it. Besides I wasn't lucky. When I was a kid there was the war! When I grew up, another war! Now it's all different. Times have changed. And you want to be a dope like me? Huh? Answer me! No... +No... Good for you, Toto. Good for you... I'm only saying this for your own good... Cooped up in here you die of heat in the summer and of cold in the winter. You breathe in smoke, gas fumes, and earn practically nothing. +Good for you, Toto. Good for you... I'm only saying this for your own good... Cooped up in here you die of heat in the summer and of cold in the winter. You breathe in smoke, gas fumes, and earn practically nothing. But don't you like anything about what you do? +But don't you like anything about what you do? With time...you get used to it. Besides, when you hear from up here that there's a full house and that people are laughing, having fun... Then you're happy too. So I've been wasting my breath? You pretend to agree with me, but as soon as my back is turned, you do what you want! Get out of here! I don't want to lay eyes on you again! This is the last straw! Your mother's right, you're crazy!! But how'd he do it? The little bastard! By watching, he's learned! It's incredible! I'm letting the box office know you're not to set foot even into the theatre! There are no more tickets for you! And I'm also talking to Father Adelfio! You won't be an altar boy any more either!!! You little runt! +With time...you get used to it. Besides, when you hear from up here that there's a full house and that people are laughing, having fun... Then you're happy too. So I've been wasting my breath? You pretend to agree with me, but as soon as my back is turned, you do what you want! Get out of here! I don't want to lay eyes on you again! This is the last straw! Your mother's right, you're crazy!! But how'd he do it? The little bastard! By watching, he's learned! It's incredible! I'm letting the box office know you're not to set foot even into the theatre! There are no more tickets for you! And I'm also talking to Father Adelfio! You won't be an altar boy any more either!!! You little runt! Alfredo, go fuck yourself!!! +You understand which side the gelatin's on? It tastes wonderful! +Will they really find work in Germany? Who knows?...It's like an adventure. Hope springs eternal... +Who knows?...It's like an adventure. Hope springs eternal... Peppinoooo! Come back sooon!! Good thing Germany's closer than Russia. +It's got to be sent to another town. And if we don't the owner of that movie house gets pissed off. Too bad! +Any room for me in this Cinema Paradiso? Come in, Alfredo. +How's school? OK. OK. But now that I've got a job, I'11 probably stop going... +OK. OK. But now that I've got a job, I'11 probably stop going... Don't do that...Sooner or later you'll be left empty-handed. +Don't do that...Sooner or later you'll be left empty-handed. Why? What do you mean? +Why? What do you mean? Toto, this isn't for you. For the moment, the Cinema Paradiso needs you, and you need the Cinema Paradiso. But it won't last...Some day you'll have other things to do, more important things... That's right, more important. I know it. Now that I've lost my sight I see more. I see everything I didn't see before... And it's all thanks to you, who saved my life. And I'll never forget it... And don't put on that look. I haven't gone off my head yet. You want proof? +Yes. I want proof. For example, at this moment the film's out of focus. Go see. +What'd I tell you? It doesn't catch fire! Progress! It always arrives too late! +Chaplin's Modern Times! Right, Toto? That's right, Modern Times. +That's right, Modern Times. I've shown it so many times I know it by heart. The first time I showed it, in 1940, was the Sunday my first wife died. They kept it hidden from me all day so they wouldn't have to close down the movie house. I only found out that night, after the last show. Those are things you never forget... So, Toto, how are these home movies going? +I've shown it so many times I know it by heart. The first time I showed it, in 1940, was the Sunday my first wife died. They kept it hidden from me all day so they wouldn't have to close down the movie house. I only found out that night, after the last show. Those are things you never forget... So, Toto, how are these home movies going? Yes. +Yes. What is it, what is it? What's the picture? +What is it, what is it? What's the picture? It's people in the slaughter-house killing a calf. There's blood all over the floor, like a lake. And through this lake another calf passes by on its way to die. +Now what can you see? Nothing, there's nothing. It's all out of focus. +Nothing, there's nothing. It's all out of focus. Is there a woman?...Tell me the truth... There is a woman. +Yes, it's a girl I saw at the station. What's she like? What's she like?... +Eh! Love...what a mystery! I understand you, Toto...The ones with blue eyes are the most beautiful. Whatever you do, you can't make friends with them. Eh, there's nothing to be done about it! The heavier a man is, the deeper his footprints. And if he's in love, he suffers, because he knows he's up a one-way street. Because love is a meaningless thing when a man gets it into his head to do what he wants... What you say is wonderful! But sad... +What you say is wonderful! But sad... They're not my words. John Wayne said it in Shepherd of the Hills. +I told you, the blue-eyed ones are the most difficult. But why? There must be some way to make her understand! +But why? There must be some way to make her understand! Don't think about it, Toto. Don't even try. With feelings, there's nothing to understand. +Stop it! I've had enough of your sermons! You act as if you created the world! Heeey! Totooooo! Don't get pissed off with me now! Come here! I don't know where the fuck I have to go. And the next time be careful how you talk. Not to take credit away from the Lord, but if I had created the world, in all modesty, certain things would have come out better. But unfortunately such was not the case. +Heeey! Totooooo! Don't get pissed off with me now! Come here! I don't know where the fuck I have to go. And the next time be careful how you talk. Not to take credit away from the Lord, but if I had created the world, in all modesty, certain things would have come out better. But unfortunately such was not the case. You see, it s like I say. You always have an answer for everything. +You see, it s like I say. You always have an answer for everything. I want to make you happy, Toto! I'm going to tell you a story. Once upon a time a king gave a feast and there were all the most beautiful princesses of the realm. Basta, one of the guards, saw the king's daughter: she was the loveliest of all! And he immediately fell in love with her. But what could a poor soldier do compared with a king's daughter?!...One day he managed to meet her and told her he couldn't live without her. The princess was so struck by the depth of his feeling that she said to the soldier 'If you will wait a hundred days and a hundred nights beneath my balcony, then in the end I'll be yours.' Christ, the soldier ran off there and waited! One day, two days, ten, twenty...Every night she looked out of her window, but he never budged. Come rain, wind, snow, never budged! The birds shat on him and the bees ate him alive! After ninety nights he was gaunt and pale and tears streamed from his eyes but he couldn't hold them back. He didn't even have the strength to sleep any more. The princess kept watch...And on the ninety-ninth night, the soldier got up, picked up his chair and left! +I want to make you happy, Toto! I'm going to tell you a story. Once upon a time a king gave a feast and there were all the most beautiful princesses of the realm. Basta, one of the guards, saw the king's daughter: she was the loveliest of all! And he immediately fell in love with her. But what could a poor soldier do compared with a king's daughter?!...One day he managed to meet her and told her he couldn't live without her. The princess was so struck by the depth of his feeling that she said to the soldier 'If you will wait a hundred days and a hundred nights beneath my balcony, then in the end I'll be yours.' Christ, the soldier ran off there and waited! One day, two days, ten, twenty...Every night she looked out of her window, but he never budged. Come rain, wind, snow, never budged! The birds shat on him and the bees ate him alive! After ninety nights he was gaunt and pale and tears streamed from his eyes but he couldn't hold them back. He didn't even have the strength to sleep any more. The princess kept watch...And on the ninety-ninth night, the soldier got up, picked up his chair and left! No! You mean right at the end? ALFREDO That's right, Toto, right at the end? And don't ask me what it means. If you figure it out, let me know... +Toto, are you pulling my leg or something? How is it possible to see this television without film? Just so, Alfredo. There isn't any. And if you buy a television set, you can watch it at home, without any fuss... +Just so, Alfredo. There isn't any. And if you buy a television set, you can watch it at home, without any fuss... Could be...But I don't like this business. It smells fishy to me. +You weren't expecting me? No, Alfredo, I was coming to help you... +No, Alfredo, I was coming to help you... You were expecting her? Huh? ...It's a nasty business waiting by yourself. In company it's better. No?...Then I'll leave. +But where'd you go, Toto?!! I'm here! Take it easy! Take it easy! Sit down, sit down... Did she come? +I'm here! Take it easy! Take it easy! Sit down, sit down... Did she come? No, nobody came. +You 're thinner...You can tell you've not been treated well. . They tell me you never go out, never talk to anybody. Why? +They tell me you never go out, never talk to anybody. Why? Toto, sooner or later there comes a time when talking or keeping quiet is the same thing. So it's better to shut up. It's hot in here. Toto, take me to the beach. +Did you ever see her again? No. And nobody knows where she is. +No. And nobody knows where she is. It was probably meant to be like this. Each of us has a star to follow. So now what are you thinking of doing? +Listen to this one...The commander says to the sergeant: 'You remember that windmill that used to be there?' 'Yes, sir, I remember the mill's gone but the wind's still there!' You remember the story of the soldier and the princess? Now I understand why the soldier went away just before the end. That's right, just one more night and the princess would have been his. But she, also, could not have kept her promise. And...that would have been terrible, he would have died from it. So instead, for ninety-nine nights at least he had lived with the illusion that she was there waiting for him... +Now I understand why the soldier went away just before the end. That's right, just one more night and the princess would have been his. But she, also, could not have kept her promise. And...that would have been terrible, he would have died from it. So instead, for ninety-nine nights at least he had lived with the illusion that she was there waiting for him... Do like the soldier, Toto! Go away! This land is cursed. When you're here every day you feel like you're at the center of the universe, it seems like nothing ever changes. Then you go away, one year, two...And when you come back, everything's different. The thread has broken. You don't find those you were looking for, your things no longer exist. Isn't that the case?...You've got to go away a long time, for many, many years, before coming back and finding your people again, the land where you were born...But not now, it's impossible. Now you're blinder than I am. +Do like the soldier, Toto! Go away! This land is cursed. When you're here every day you feel like you're at the center of the universe, it seems like nothing ever changes. Then you go away, one year, two...And when you come back, everything's different. The thread has broken. You don't find those you were looking for, your things no longer exist. Isn't that the case?...You've got to go away a long time, for many, many years, before coming back and finding your people again, the land where you were born...But not now, it's impossible. Now you're blinder than I am. Who said that? Gary Cooper, James Stewart, Henry Fonda? Huh? +Who said that? Gary Cooper, James Stewart, Henry Fonda? Huh? No, Toto, nobody said it. I say it! Life's not like you saw it in the movies. Life...is harder. Get out! Go back to Rome. You 're young, the world is yours! And I'm old...I don't want to hear you talk any more, I want to hear talk about you. +Thanks for all you've done for me. Whatever you do, love it like you loved that projection booth of the Paradiso when you were little... +Good morning, father. It's hard on the feet, huh? Yeah!...Getting there's downhill and all the saints help you. But coming back! The saints stand there watching you, that's all! God's will be done. +What is it, Alfredo? Right now, of all times! Father Adelfio, I have a very serious doubt that is torturing my soul. And you've got to help me, because I've lost all peace of mind... +But Alfredo, what you're saying is horrifying! I know. But take the-miracle of the loaves and fishes, for example! I think about it a lot...How is it possible for... +You understand now? You see it clearly? Oh yes, father. Now everything's clear. +Oh yes, father. Now everything's clear. And the next time don't go around saying such heresy. You survived the fire at the movie house. But no one can save you from the fire of Hell! +My name's Salvatore...And yours? Elena. My name's Elena. +Hi, Elena! Hi. Why are you running? +Hi. Why are you running? No particular reason... Nice day, huh? +No particular reason... Nice day, huh? Yes, nice day. ...I've got to go now. Bye-bye. +Yes, nice day. ...I've got to go now. Bye-bye. Bye-bye, Elena. ...What an idiot! What an idiot! 'Nice day'! Christ!! +Father, I have sinned... We'll talk about that later. +We'll talk about that later. But...who... +But...who... Sssssh, Be quiet, pretend everything's normal. I'm Salvatore. +I don't care. I'll wait. For what? +For what? For you to fall in love with me too. Listen carefully. Every night, when I get off work, I'll come and wait beneath your window. Every night. When you change your mind, open your window. That's all. I'll understand... +You have a great future as a driver. If they don't arrest you first!! That's nothing to do with it, it's the car that's still being run in... +Elena!...But when... I got back today. You can't imagine the excuses I had to make up to be here... +So what'd they say? The army says that, as a war orphan, I don't have to serve in the military, but nothing can be done. It's a bureaucratic error. I have to leave. Day after tomorrow morning. They're sending me to Rome. But they'll discharge me ten days later. Let's go... +No, Salvatore. You'd better go. It's my father. Good, this way we can finally talk. I'll convince him this time. +Good, this way we can finally talk. I'll convince him this time. He won't be convinced, Salvatore. He has other plans for me. +He won't be convinced, Salvatore. He has other plans for me. Who? +Who? The son of one of his colleagues. Don't act that way. We'll talk about it later. Wait for me Thursday at the Cinema Paradiso. I'll be coming with the five o'clock bus. +You're still beautiful... Don't be silly...I'm old. Don't look at me like that, please. Why'd you come back? +Don't be silly...I'm old. Don't look at me like that, please. Why'd you come back? Alfredo died. Do you remember him? +Alfredo died. Do you remember him? Of course I remember him. I'm sorry. You were terribly fond of him. +I saw your daughter. She's beautiful! Who knows how many Salvatores must be running after her... One or two. Bur there're not all that many Salvatores. I've got a son, too...he's older. And you, do you have children? +One or two. Bur there're not all that many Salvatores. I've got a son, too...he's older. And you, do you have children? No. And I'm not married. Are you happy? +No. And I'm not married. Are you happy? All things considered, yes. Even if it wasn't what I dreamt of then... +My husband...you know him. Sure, sure! Boccia... What's he do? +Sure, sure! Boccia... What's he do? Politics. He's the district representative. We met at the University in Pisa. +But I've never forgotten you, Elena! Nor have I. Even though you disappeared... But what's the point of talking about it? We risk being pathetic and ridiculous. You still live in Rome? +It's the first time I've had to chance to tell the story. I never mentioned it to anybody. Alfredo, damn him! He cast his spell on you too! +Alfredo, damn him! He cast his spell on you too! I told him I'd take his advice. But before I went away I left you that note... I was on my way down the stairs... +Oh, how I looked for you, Elena! You'll never know. I wrote, telephoned, nothing. Nobody ever answered. But I dreamt of you for years! That's why I went away...and never came back here. Even as the years passed, in all the women I met, I was only looking for you. I had success it's true, but there was always something missing... I'd never have imagined that all this had to end because of the man who was like a father to me. A crazy lunatic! He wasn't crazy. In the beginning I was upset. I think I really hated him. But then, with time, I understood what he said...and your silence too. +But I never saw that note! I must have covered it with my hand, without realizing it, that's the only explanation... What difference does it make to find an explanation? That's the way it went. But Alfredo didn't betray you, he was the only one who really understood you. Salvatore, if you had chosen to be with me, you'd have never made your films. And that would have been a pity! Because they're wonderful, I've seen them all. But you shouldn't have gone and changed your name. You should have kept your own. +No, Salvatore...there is no future. There's only the past. Even meeting last night was nothing but a dream, a beautiful dream. We never did it when we were kids, remember? Now that it's happened, I don't think there could have been a better ending. I'll never agree with you. Never, Elena. +I don't remember him any more—Ma, where's Russia? It takes years to get there. And years to come back...Now go to bed, Toto, it's late. +I've been looking for you all day. Did you buy the milk? No... +No... Then where's the money? +Then where's the money? Somebody stole it. +Daddy's not coming back...He's dead. It's not true! No! It's not true!!! I'll show you he's coming back! +Lia'll be so glad to see you, you'll see. And you won't recognize the kids any more, they're grown up by now. They're always writing to me saying they want to come to Rome! +See how pretty the house is? We did everything over. If it hadn't been for you! Come, I have a surprise.... You must be tired. If you want to rest, there's time before the funeral. No, Mamma, it only takes an hour by air, you know. +No, Mamma, it only takes an hour by air, you know. You shouldn't tell me that now. After all these years! I put all your things in here. Go in, go in... +No...It's nothing to do with you. It's just that I was scared of coming back. Now, after all these years, I thought I was strong, that I had forgotten lots of things. Instead, I find it's quite the opposite, as if I had never left. And yet, I look at Lia and feel as if I didn't know her, and you, Mamma...I abandoned you, ran away like a thief, thought only of myself, and never gave you an explanation... And I never asked for one! You have nothing to explain. I always thought that what you did was right, and that was that. With no beating around the bush... Only one thing made me suffer: bolting the door shut before going to bed at night... +And I never asked for one! You have nothing to explain. I always thought that what you did was right, and that was that. With no beating around the bush... Only one thing made me suffer: bolting the door shut before going to bed at night... You never used to do that! +Don Ciccio, I've got an idea...You remember that old abandoned movie house where they're supposed to build those low-rent houses? So what's that got to do with it? +So what's that got to do with it? The projector's all rusty, but I could fix it in two or three days. Give the place a good cleaning, put in some seats and bring in a projectionist and we'll show Catene in two houses. +The projector's all rusty, but I could fix it in two or three days. Give the place a good cleaning, put in some seats and bring in a projectionist and we'll show Catene in two houses. What the fuck you talking about? You getting into the act too, Toto? Titanus has trouble giving me even one copy and I have to say thanks! If I ask for two, the least they'll do is cut off my head and play ball with it! +Toto, this is no film for the common herd. One day'll be more than enough...So tonight, please set up tomorrow's film, so the projectionist who is coming will find it ready. OK... +How long's it been shut? "Six years ago this May. No one came any more. You ""know better than me, Mr. Di Vita, the crisis, television, videos. By now the movie business is only a dream. The city's bought it now to make a new parking lot. Next Saturday they're tearing it down...A pity!..." +But why do you call me 'Mr. Di Vita'? It didn't used to be that way... Well, it's hard to call an important person by his first name. But if it really matters to you, I'11 call you... Toto!... +Mr. Bernstein, Mr. Thatcher - How are you, Mr. Thatcher? +That's all right. We have no secrets from our readers. Mr. Thatcher is one of our most devoted readers, Mr. Bernstein. He knows what's wrong with every issue since I've taken charge. What's the cable? The food is marvelous in Cuba the senoritas are beautiful stop I could send you prose poems of palm trees and sunrises and tropical colors blending in far off landscapes but don't feel right in spending your money for this stop there's no war in Cuba regards Wheeler. +That's fine, Mr. Kane. I rather like it myself. Send it right away. +He sure did, Mr. Kane. Where is he? +Mr. Kane - That's all right, Mr. Bernstein. +Hey, Brad! Brad! He ain't been drinking before, Mr. Kane. Never. We would have heard. What does it say there? +"""Miss Susan Alexander, a pretty but hopelessly incompetent amateur - - last night opened the new Chicago Opera House in a performance of - of -"" I can't pronounce that name, Mr. Kane." Thais. +"""Her singing, happily, is no concern of this department. Of her acting, it is absolutely impossible to...""" Go on! +Go on! That's all there is. +Of her acting, it is absolutely impossible to say anything except that it represents a new low... Have you got that, Mr. Bernstein? In the opinion of this reviewer - I didn't see that. +I didn't see that. It isn't here, Mr. Bernstein. I'm dictating it. +It isn't here, Mr. Bernstein. I'm dictating it. I can't take shorthand. +I can't take shorthand. Get me a typewriter. I'll finish the notice. +"I've just made a shocking discovery. The ""Enquirer"" is without a telephone. Have two installed at once!" I ordered six already this morning! Got a discount! +Three cents. Two cents. +This is all figured at three cents a copy. Re-figure it, Mr. Bernstein, at two cents. +Re-figure it, Mr. Bernstein, at two cents. All right, but I'll keep these figures, too, just in case. +All right, but I'll keep these figures, too, just in case. Ready for dinner, Brad? +Ready for dinner, Brad? Mr. Leland, if Mr. Kane, he should decide to drop the price to one cent, or maybe even he should make up his mind to give the paper away with a half-pound of tea - you'll just hold him until I get back, won't you? +It's a saying, Mr. Bernstein. A new broom sweeps clean. Oh! +My Declaration of Principles - Don't smile, Brad - Take dictation, Mr. Bernstein - I can't take shorthand, Mr. Kane - +I can't take shorthand, Mr. Kane - I'll write it myself. +You don't wanta make any promises, Mr. Kane, you don't wanta keep. These'll be kept. I'll provide the people of this city with a daily paper that will tell all the news honestly. I will also provide them - +Let's hope they like it there. From the Chronicle Building that sign is the biggest thing you can see - every floor guaranteed - let's hope it bothers them - it cost us enough. +From the Chronicle Building that sign is the biggest thing you can see - every floor guaranteed - let's hope it bothers them - it cost us enough. Look at that. +Say, with them fellows - - it's no trick to get circulation. You're right, Mr. Bernstein. +You're right, Mr. Bernstein. "You know how long it took the ""Chronicle"" to get that staff together? Twenty years." +"You know how long it took the ""Chronicle"" to get that staff together? Twenty years." I know. +"Gentlemen of the ""Enquirer""! This has, I think, been a fitting welcome to those distinguished journalists - Mr. Reilly in particular - who are the latest additions to our ranks. It will make them happy to learn that the ""Enquirer's"" circulation this morning passed the two hundred thousand mark." Two hundred and one thousand, six hundred and forty-seven. +But please, Mr. Kane, don't buy any more paintings. Nine Venuses already we got, twenty-six Virgins - two whole warehouses full of stuff - I promise not to bring any more Venuses and not to worry - and not to try to get in touch with any of the papers - +Ask them to sit down, Mr. Bernstein. Sit down, everybody - for heaven's sake! +So then, tonight, we go over everything thoroughly, eh? Especially the new papers - We certainly do. Vacation's over - starting right after dinner. But right now - that lady over there - - that's the new society editor, I take it? You think I could interrupt her a moment, Mr. Bernstein? +We certainly do. Vacation's over - starting right after dinner. But right now - that lady over there - - that's the new society editor, I take it? You think I could interrupt her a moment, Mr. Bernstein? Huh? Oh, I forgot - you've been away so long I forgot about your joking - +It's wonderful, Mr. Kane. Wonderful. Wonderful. You don't really think so? +You don't really think so? I do. I do. I mean, since you're running for Governor - and you want to be elected - I think it's wonderful you're going to be elected. Only - - Can I say something? +I do. I do. I mean, since you're running for Governor - and you want to be elected - I think it's wonderful you're going to be elected. Only - - Can I say something? Please, Mr. Bernstein. +Please, Mr. Bernstein. Well, the way I look at it - - You want to know what I really think would be wonderful? +Go in and ask him to hurry. Well, why don't you, Mr. Bernstein? You know Mr. Leland. +Well, why don't you, Mr. Bernstein? You know Mr. Leland. I might make him nervous. +I might make him nervous. You and Leland and Mr. Kane - you were great friends back in the old days, I understand. +You and Leland and Mr. Kane - you were great friends back in the old days, I understand. "That's right. They called us the ""Three Musketeers.""" +He's a great guy - Leland. Why'd he ever leave New York? That's a long story. +Yes. I thought it was a good idea. We've covered it from the news end, of course. And the social. How about the music notice? You got that in? +And the social. How about the music notice? You got that in? Oh, yes, it's already made up. Our Mr. Mervin wrote a small review. +Oh, yes, it's already made up. Our Mr. Mervin wrote a small review. Enthusiastic? +Enthusiastic? Yes, very! Naturally. +Yes, very! Naturally. Well, well - isn't that nice? +Who's a busy man? Me? I'm Chairman of the Board. I got nothing but time ... What do you want to know? Well, Mr. Bernstein, you were with Mr. Kane from the very beginning - +Well, Mr. Bernstein, you were with Mr. Kane from the very beginning - From before the beginning, young fellow. And now it's after the end. Anything you want to know about him - about the paper - +From before the beginning, young fellow. And now it's after the end. Anything you want to know about him - about the paper - - We thought maybe, if we can find out what he meant by that last word - as he was dying - +- We thought maybe, if we can find out what he meant by that last word - as he was dying - That Rosebud? Maybe some girl? There were a lot of them back in the early days, and - +That Rosebud? Maybe some girl? There were a lot of them back in the early days, and - Not some girl he knew casually and then remembered after fifty years, on his death bed - +Not some girl he knew casually and then remembered after fifty years, on his death bed - "You're pretty young, Mr. - Mr. Thompson. A fellow will remember things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on a ferry and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in - - and on it, there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on - and she was carrying a white pastrol - and I only saw her for one second and she didn't see me at all - but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl. See what I mean? Well, so what are you doing about this ""Rosebud,"" Mr. Thompson." +"You're pretty young, Mr. - Mr. Thompson. A fellow will remember things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on a ferry and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in - - and on it, there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on - and she was carrying a white pastrol - and I only saw her for one second and she didn't see me at all - but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl. See what I mean? Well, so what are you doing about this ""Rosebud,"" Mr. Thompson." I'm calling on people who knew Mr. Kane. I'm calling on you. +I'm calling on people who knew Mr. Kane. I'm calling on you. Who else you been to see? +Who else you been to see? Well, I went down to Atlantic City - +Well, I went down to Atlantic City - Susie? I called her myself the day after he died. I thought maybe somebody ought to... She couldn't even come to the 'phone. +Susie? I called her myself the day after he died. I thought maybe somebody ought to... She couldn't even come to the 'phone. You know why? She was so - +You know why? She was so - Sure, sure. +Sure, sure. I'm going back there. +I'm going back there. Who else did you see? +Who else did you see? Nobody else, but I've been through that stuff of Walter Thatcher's. That journal of his - +Nobody else, but I've been through that stuff of Walter Thatcher's. That journal of his - Thatcher! That man was the biggest darn fool I ever met - +Thatcher! That man was the biggest darn fool I ever met - He made an awful lot of money. +He made an awful lot of money. It's not trick to make an awful lot of money if all you want is to make a lot of money. Thatcher! +He finished it. He wrote the worst notice I ever read about the girl he loved. We ran it in every paper. I guess Mr. Kane didn't think so well of Susie's art anyway. +I guess Mr. Kane didn't think so well of Susie's art anyway. He thought she was great, Mr. Thompson. He really believed that. He put all his ambition on that girl. After she came along, he never really cared for himself like he used to. Oh, I don't blame Susie - +He thought she was great, Mr. Thompson. He really believed that. He put all his ambition on that girl. After she came along, he never really cared for himself like he used to. Oh, I don't blame Susie - Well, then, how could he write that roast? The notices in the Kane papers were always very kind to her. +Well, then, how could he write that roast? The notices in the Kane papers were always very kind to her. Oh, yes. He saw to that. I tell you, Mr. Thompson, he was a hard man to figure out. He had that funny sense of humor. And then, too, maybe he thought by finishing that piece he could show Leland he was an honest man. You see, Leland didn't think so. I guess he showed him all right. He's a nice fellow, but he's a dreamer. They were always together in those early days when we just started the Enquirer. +The way things turned out, I don't need to tell you - Miss Emily Norton was no rosebud! It didn't end very well, did it? +It didn't end very well, did it? It ended - Then there was Susie - that ended, too. I guess he didn't make her very happy - You know, I was thinking - that Rosebud you're trying to find out about - +It ended - Then there was Susie - that ended, too. I guess he didn't make her very happy - You know, I was thinking - that Rosebud you're trying to find out about - Yes - +Yes - Maybe that was something he lost. Mr. Kane was a man that lost - almost everything he had - You ought to talk to Bradford Leland. He could tell you a lot. I wish I could tell you where Leland is, but I don't know myself. He may be out of town somewhere - he may be dead. +Maybe that was something he lost. Mr. Kane was a man that lost - almost everything he had - You ought to talk to Bradford Leland. He could tell you a lot. I wish I could tell you where Leland is, but I don't know myself. He may be out of town somewhere - he may be dead. In case you'd like to know, Mr. Bernstein, he's at the Huntington Memorial Hospital on 180th Street. +In case you'd like to know, Mr. Bernstein, he's at the Huntington Memorial Hospital on 180th Street. You don't say! Why I had no idea - +You don't say! Why I had no idea - Nothing particular the matter with him, they tell me. Just - +Nothing particular the matter with him, they tell me. Just - Just old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, you don't look forward to being cured of. You ought to see Mr. Leland. There's a whole lot of things he could tell you - if he wanted to. +I'm not guaranteeing a thing, Mr. Bernstein. You people work too fast for me! Talk about new brooms! Who said anything about brooms? +We'll be on the street soon, Charlie - another ten minutes. It's three hours and fifty minutes late - but we did it - +Wasted? Charlie?! +Charlie?! You just made the paper over four times today, Mr. Kane. That's all - +Sixty-two thousand - That looks pretty nice. +Do you, Mr. Leland? Certainly not. +Isn't it wonderful? Such a party! Yes. +What's the matter? "Mr. Bernstein, these men who are now with the ""Enquirer"" - who were with the ""Chronicle"" until yesterday - weren't they just as devoted to the ""Chronicle"" kind of paper as they are now to - our kind of paper?" +"Mr. Bernstein, these men who are now with the ""Enquirer"" - who were with the ""Chronicle"" until yesterday - weren't they just as devoted to the ""Chronicle"" kind of paper as they are now to - our kind of paper?" Sure. They're like anybody else. They got work to do. They do it. Only they happen to be the best men in the business. +"Do we stand for the same things that the ""Chronicle"" stands for, Mr. Bernstein?" Certainly not. So what's that got to do with it? Mr. Kane, he'll have them changed to his kind of newspapermen in a week. +Certainly not. So what's that got to do with it? Mr. Kane, he'll have them changed to his kind of newspapermen in a week. Probably. There's always a chance, of course, that they'll change Mr. Kane - without his knowing it. +Do you, Mr. Leland? Certainly not. +Mr. Leland, why didn't you go to Europe with him? He wanted you to. He said to me just yesterday - I wanted him to have fun - and with me along - +Mr. Bernstein, I wish you'd let me ask you a few questions, and answer me truthfully. Don't I always? Most of the time? +Don't I always? Most of the time? Mr. Bernstein, am I a stuffed shirt? Am I a horse-faced hypocrite? Am I a New England school-marm? +Mr. Bernstein, am I a stuffed shirt? Am I a horse-faced hypocrite? Am I a New England school-marm? Yes. +Well, he'll be coming back in September. The Majestic. I got the reservations. It gets in on the ninth. September the ninth? +What's happened? I'm all right, Mr. Leland. Only there was some fellows out front that thought they ought to take things up with me. I learned 'em! Didn't I, officer? +If you hadn't come along and protected me when you did, I'd have killed them fellows. Go and get yourself washed up, Mr. Bernstein. There doesn't seem to be an serious injury. +Go and get yourself washed up, Mr. Bernstein. There doesn't seem to be an serious injury. Not to me. But you will let that cop go home with Mr. Kane, won't you? +Not to me. But you will let that cop go home with Mr. Kane, won't you? Yes, Mr. Bernstein. +Hello, Mr. Leland. Hello, Bernstein. +Where is it - where's my notice? I've got to finish it! Mr. Kane is finishing it. +Mr. Kane is finishing it. Kane? Charlie? Where is he? +I suppose he's fixing it up - I know I'd never get that through. Mr. Kane is finishing your piece the way you started it. +"Welcome, Mr. Kane, to the ""Enquirer."" I am Herbert Carter." Thank you, Mr Carter. This is Mr. Leland. +Thank you, Mr Carter. This is Mr. Leland. How do you do, Mr. Leland? +How do you do, Mr. Leland? Are they standing for me? +Are they standing for me? I thought it would be a nice gesture - the new publisher - +I thought it would be a nice gesture - the new publisher - Ask them to sit down. +Ask them to sit down. You may resume your work, gentlemen. I didn't know your plans and so I was unable to make any preparations. +You may resume your work, gentlemen. I didn't know your plans and so I was unable to make any preparations. I don't my plans myself. +Mr. Carter, this is Mr. Bernstein. Mr. Bernstein is my general manager. How do you do, Mr. Bernstein? +How do you do, Mr. Bernstein? You've got a private office here, haven't you? +My little sanctum is at your disposal. But I don't think I understand - I'm going to live right here. As long as I have to. +I'm going to live right here. As long as I have to. But a morning newspaper, Mr. Kane. After all, we're practically closed twelve hours a day - except for the business offices - +But a morning newspaper, Mr. Kane. After all, we're practically closed twelve hours a day - except for the business offices - That's one of the things I think must be changed, Mr. Carter. The news goes on for twenty-four hours a day. +"I'm not criticizing, Mr. Carter, but here's what I mean. There's a front page story in the ""Chronicle,"" and a picture - of a woman in Brooklyn who is missing. Probably murdered. A Mrs. Harry Silverstone. Why didn't the ""Enquirer"" have that this morning?" Because we're running a newspaper, Mr. Kane, not a scandal sheet. +"I'm still hungry, Brad. Let's go to Rector's and get something decent. The ""Chronicle"" has a two-column headline, Mr. Carter. Why haven't we?" There is no news big enough. +There is no news big enough. If the headline is big enough, it makes the new big enough. The murder of Mrs. Harry Silverstone - +If the headline is big enough, it makes the new big enough. The murder of Mrs. Harry Silverstone - "As a matter of fact, we sent a man to the Silverstone home yesterday afternoon. Our man even arrived before the ""Chronicle"" reporter. And there's no proof that the woman was murdered - or even that she's dead." +"As a matter of fact, we sent a man to the Silverstone home yesterday afternoon. Our man even arrived before the ""Chronicle"" reporter. And there's no proof that the woman was murdered - or even that she's dead." "The ""Chronicle"" doesn't say she's murdered, Mr. Carter. It says the neighbors are getting suspicious." +"The ""Chronicle"" doesn't say she's murdered, Mr. Carter. It says the neighbors are getting suspicious." It's not our function to report the gossip of housewives. If we were interested in that kind of thing, Mr. Kane, we could fill the paper twice over daily - +It's not our function to report the gossip of housewives. If we were interested in that kind of thing, Mr. Kane, we could fill the paper twice over daily - "That's the kind of thing we are going to be interested in from now on, Mr. Carter. Right now, I wish you'd send your best man up to see Mr. Silverstone. Have him tell Mr. Silverstone if he doesn't produce his wife at once, the ""Enquirer"" will have him arrested. Have him tell Mr. Silverstone he's a detective from the Central Office. If Mr. Silverstone asks to see his badge, your man is to get indignant and call Mr. Silverstone an anarchist. Loudly, so that the neighbors can hear." +"That's the kind of thing we are going to be interested in from now on, Mr. Carter. Right now, I wish you'd send your best man up to see Mr. Silverstone. Have him tell Mr. Silverstone if he doesn't produce his wife at once, the ""Enquirer"" will have him arrested. Have him tell Mr. Silverstone he's a detective from the Central Office. If Mr. Silverstone asks to see his badge, your man is to get indignant and call Mr. Silverstone an anarchist. Loudly, so that the neighbors can hear." Really, Mr. Kane, I can't see the function of a respectable newspaper - +But, Mr. Kane - That'll be all today, Mr. Carter. You've been most understanding. Good day, Mr. Carter! +I've been a newspaperman my whole life and I don't intend - - if it's your intention that I should continue to be harassed by this - this - I warn you, Mr. Kane, it would go against my grain to desert you when you need me so badly - but I would feel obliged to ask that my resignation be accepted. It is accepted, Mr. Carter, with assurances of my deepest regard. +It is accepted, Mr. Carter, with assurances of my deepest regard. But Mr. Kane, I meant - +Mr. Kane, this is a surprise! We've got a nice plant here. +Was the show covered by every department? Exactly according to your instructions, Mr. Kane. We've got two spreads of pictures. +Exactly according to your instructions, Mr. Kane. We've got two spreads of pictures. And the notice? +And the notice? Yes - Mr. Kane. +Yes - Mr. Kane. Is it good? +Is it good? Yes, Mr. kane. +But there's another one still to come - the dramatic notice. It isn't finished? +It isn't finished? No, Mr. Kane. +No, Mr. Kane. That's Leland, isn't it? +That's Leland, isn't it? Yes, Mr. Kane. +Yes, Mr. Kane. Has he said when he'll finish? +Has he said when he'll finish? We haven't heard from him. +We haven't heard from him. He used to work fast - didn't he, Mr. Bernstein? +The nurse has complete instructions, but if you care to talk to me at any time, I should be only too glad - I shall be here in the morning. Thank you. I can't imagine how Mrs. Kane came to make such a silly mistake. The sedative Dr. Wagner gave her is in a somewhat larger bottle - I suppose the strain of preparing for her trip has excited and confused her. +Thank you. I can't imagine how Mrs. Kane came to make such a silly mistake. The sedative Dr. Wagner gave her is in a somewhat larger bottle - I suppose the strain of preparing for her trip has excited and confused her. I'm sure that's it. +I'm sure that's it. There are no objections to my staying here with her, are there? +There are no objections to my staying here with her, are there? Not at all. I'd like the nurse to be here, too. +Not at all. I'd like the nurse to be here, too. Of course. +How do you do? I came here - and I made Mr. Kane come with me... because I recieved this note - I made Miss - Miss Alexander send you the note. She was a little unwilling at first - but she did it. +Maybe you can do it and maybe you can't, Mr. Kane. Charles! Your - your breaking this man's neck - would scarcely explain this note - Serious consequences for Mr. Kane - for myself, and for my son. What does this note mean, Miss - +Let him finish, Charles. I'm protecting myself every way I know how, Mrs. Kane. This last week, I finally found out how I can stop your husband from being elected. If the people of this state learn what I found out this week, he wouldn't have a chance to - he couldn't be elected Dog Catcher. Well, what I'm interested in is seeing that he's not elected. I don't care whether they know what I know about him. Let him keep right on being the Great, Noble, Moral - Champeen of the people. Just as long as - +I'm protecting myself every way I know how, Mrs. Kane. This last week, I finally found out how I can stop your husband from being elected. If the people of this state learn what I found out this week, he wouldn't have a chance to - he couldn't be elected Dog Catcher. Well, what I'm interested in is seeing that he's not elected. I don't care whether they know what I know about him. Let him keep right on being the Great, Noble, Moral - Champeen of the people. Just as long as - I think I understand, Mr. Rogers, but I wonder if - +What story, Mr. Rogers? The story about him and Miss Alexander, Mrs. Kane. +You don't have to show me anything, Mr. Rogers. I believe you. I'd rather Mr. Kane withdrew without having to get the story published. Not that I care about him. But I'd be better off that way - - and so would you, Mrs. Kane. +Hello, Brad - Emily - +I'm sorry I sent for you, Brad - I didn't - Chicago is pretty close to New York nowadays - only twenty hours - +Almost two to one - I'm surprised he got the votes he did. +I'm surprised he got the votes he did. Emily! +Emily! Why should anyone vote for him? He's made it quite clear to the people what he thinks of them. Children - to be told one thing one day, something else the next, as the whim seizes him. And they're supposed to be grateful and love and adore him - because he sees to it that they get cheap ice and only pay a nickel in the street cars. +Why should anyone vote for him? He's made it quite clear to the people what he thinks of them. Children - to be told one thing one day, something else the next, as the whim seizes him. And they're supposed to be grateful and love and adore him - because he sees to it that they get cheap ice and only pay a nickel in the street cars. Emily, you're being - a little unfair - You know what I think of Charles' behavior - about your personal lives - +Emily, you're being - a little unfair - You know what I think of Charles' behavior - about your personal lives - There aren't any personal lives for people like us. He made that very clear to me nine years ago - If I'd thought of my life with Charles as a personal life, I'd have left him then - +There aren't any personal lives for people like us. He made that very clear to me nine years ago - If I'd thought of my life with Charles as a personal life, I'd have left him then - I know that, Emily - +I know that, Emily - Maybe I should have - the first time he showed me what a mad dog he really was. +Maybe I should have - the first time he showed me what a mad dog he really was. Emily, you - +Emily, you - Brad, I'm - I'm not an old woman yet - +Brad, I'm - I'm not an old woman yet - It's - all over - +I know it is, Brad - He's paying for it, Emily. Those returns tonight - he's finished. Politically - - socially, everywhere, I guess. I don't know about the papers, but - +He's paying for it, Emily. Those returns tonight - he's finished. Politically - - socially, everywhere, I guess. I don't know about the papers, but - If you're asking me to sympathize with him, Brad, you're wasting your time. There's only one person I'm sorry for, as a matter of fact. That - that shabby little girl. I'm really sorry for her, Brad. +What do you expect me to do? What in the world - Charles. +They won't do anything to Junior, darling. Anonymous letter writers - I've got guards in front of the house, and I'm going to arrange - Please don't talk any more, Charles. +Have they heard from father yet? Has he seen - I've tried to tell you, Emily. The President's going to be all right. He had a comfortable night. There's no danger of any kind. +Here I am, darling... Darling!... Darling, it's all right... Mother's here. Emily - you musn't leave me now - you can't do that to me. +Emily - you musn't leave me now - you can't do that to me. They won't hurt you, darling. Mother's with you! Mother's looking after you! +I'm sending Junior home in the car, Charles - with Oliver - But I'd arranged to go home with you myself. +But I'd arranged to go home with you myself. There's a call I want you to make with me, Charles. +There's a call I want you to make with me, Charles. It can wait. +It can wait. No, it can't. Good night, darling. +What's this all about, Emily? I've had a very tiring day and - It may not be about anything at all. +I intend to find out. I insist on being told exactly what you have in mind. +I insist on being told exactly what you have in mind. I'm going to - - 185 West 74th Street. +Oh!! You're a cheap, crooked grafter - and your concern for your children and your mother - +You don't think I'm going to let this blackmailer intimidate me, do you? I don't see what else you can do, Charles. If he's right - and the papers publish this story he has - +I don't see what else you can do, Charles. If he's right - and the papers publish this story he has - Oh, they'll publish it all right. But that's not going to stop me - +Oh, they'll publish it all right. But that's not going to stop me - Charles, this - this story - doesn't concern only you. I'll be in it, too, won't I? And Junior? +Charles, this - this story - doesn't concern only you. I'll be in it, too, won't I? And Junior? I suppose so, but - I'm not afraid of the story. You can't tell me that the voters of this state - +I suppose so, but - I'm not afraid of the story. You can't tell me that the voters of this state - I'm not interested in the voters of this state right now. I am interested in - well, Junior, for one thing. +Oh yes, there is. I don't think so. Are you coming, Charles? +I don't think so. Are you coming, Charles? No. +There's only one person in the world to decide what I'm going to do - and that's me. And if you think - if any of you think - You decided what you were going to do, Charles - some time ago. You can't always have it your own way, regardless of anything else that may have happened. Come on, Charles. +You decided what you were going to do, Charles - some time ago. You can't always have it your own way, regardless of anything else that may have happened. Come on, Charles. Go on! Get out! I can fight this thing all alone! +Charles, if you don't listen to reason, it may be too late - Too late for what? Too late for you and this - this public thief to take the love of the people of this state away from me? Well, you won't do it, I tell you. You won't do it! +I can't tell you the things he said, Charlie. You haven't got any idea - Rogers, I don't think I will postpone doing something about you until I'm elected. To start with, I'll break your neck. +You can't blackmail me, Rogers, you can't - Charlie, he said, unless you withdrew your name - +Charlie, you're just excited. You don't realize - I know exactly what I'm doing. Get out! +Get out, both of you! Charlie, please don't - +Charlie, please don't - What are you waiting here for? Why don't you go? +Ow! What's the matter with you? +What's the matter with you? Toothache. +Toothache. Hmm! +You've got some on your face. If these sidewalks were kept in condition - instead of the money going to some cheap grafter - +What's funny now? You are. You look like you've been making mud pies. +Oh! You're no Venus de Milo. +You're no Venus de Milo. If you want to come in and wash your face - I can get you some hot water to get that dirt off your trousers - +If you want to come in and wash your face - I can get you some hot water to get that dirt off your trousers - Thanks. +Hey, you should be more careful. That's my ma and pa. I'm sorry. They live here, too? +I'm sorry. They live here, too? No. They've passed on. +Where's the soap? In the water. +You're very easily amused. I always like to see the funny side of things. No sense crying when you don't have to. And you're so funny. Looking at you, I forget all about my toothache. +Oh! I can't stay here all night chasing your pain away. +I can't stay here all night chasing your pain away. I know... But you do look so silly. +Where's the towel? On the chiffonier. Here. +On the chiffonier. Here. Thanks. +Thanks. I've got a brush in the closet. As soon as the mud on your trousers is all dry - you just brush it off. +I've got a brush in the closet. As soon as the mud on your trousers is all dry - you just brush it off. I'll get these streets fixed, if it's the last thing I do. +A chicken? No. But you're close. +No. But you're close. A rooster? +A rooster? You're getting farther away all the time. It's a duck. +You're getting farther away all the time. It's a duck. Excuse me, Mr. Kane. I know this takes a lot of nerve, but - who are you? I mean - I'm pretty ignorant, I guess you caught on to that - +Excuse me, Mr. Kane. I know this takes a lot of nerve, but - who are you? I mean - I'm pretty ignorant, I guess you caught on to that - You really don't know who I am? +You really don't know who I am? No. That is, I bet it turns out I've heard your name a million times, only you know how it is - +No. That is, I bet it turns out I've heard your name a million times, only you know how it is - But you like me, don't you? Even though you don't know who I am? +But you like me, don't you? Even though you don't know who I am? You've been wonderful! I can't tell you how glad I am you're here, I don't know many people and - +You've been wonderful! I can't tell you how glad I am you're here, I don't know many people and - And I know too many people. Obviously, we're both lonely. Would you like to know where I was going tonight - when you ran into me and ruined my Sunday clothes? +And I know too many people. Obviously, we're both lonely. Would you like to know where I was going tonight - when you ran into me and ruined my Sunday clothes? I didn't run into you and I bet they're not your Sunday clothes. You've probably got a lot of clothes. +I didn't run into you and I bet they're not your Sunday clothes. You've probably got a lot of clothes. I was only joking! This evening I was on my way to the Western Manhattan Warehouses - in search of my youth. +Who am I? Well, let's see. Charles Foster Kane was born in New Salem, Colorado in eighteen six - I run a couple of newspapers. How about you? Oh, me - +Oh, me - How old did you say you were? +How old did you say you were? I didn't say. +I didn't say. I didn't think you did. If you had, I wouldn't have asked you again, because I'd have remembered. How old? +I didn't think you did. If you had, I wouldn't have asked you again, because I'd have remembered. How old? Pretty old. I'll be twenty-two in August. +Pretty old. I'll be twenty-two in August. That's a ripe old age - What do you do? +That's a ripe old age - What do you do? I work at Seligman's. +I work at Seligman's. Is that what you want to do? +Is that what you want to do? I want to be a singer. I mean, I didn't. Mother did for me. +I want to be a singer. I mean, I didn't. Mother did for me. What happened to the singing? You're not in a show, are you? +What happened to the singing? You're not in a show, are you? Oh, no! Nothing like that. Mother always thought - she used to talk about Grand Opera for me. Imagine! An American girl, for one thing - and then my voice isn't really that kind anyway, it's just that Mother - you know what mothers are like. +Yes - As a matter of fact, I do sing a little. +As a matter of fact, I do sing a little. Would you sing for me? +Would you sing for me? Oh, you wouldn't want to hear me sing. +Oh, you wouldn't want to hear me sing. Yes, I would. That's why I asked. +Yes, I would. That's why I asked. Well, I - +Well, I - Don't tell me your toothache is bothering you again? +Don't tell me your toothache is bothering you again? Oh, no, that's all gone. +Oh, no, that's all gone. Then you have no alibi at all. Please sing. +I couldn't make you see how I felt, Charlie. I just couldn't - I couldn't go threw with singing again. You don't know what it means to feel - to know that people - that an audience don't want you. That if you haven't got what they want - a real voice - they just don't care about you. Even when they're polite - and they don't laugh or get restless or - you know... They don't want you. They just 0 That's when you've got to fight them. That's when you've got to make them. That's - +Charlie! I said, what time is it? Half past eleven. +Half past eleven. I mean in New York. +I mean in New York. Half past eleven. +Half past eleven. At night? +At night? Yes. The bulldog's just gone to press. +Yes. The bulldog's just gone to press. Hurray for the bulldog! Half past eleven! The shows have just let out. People are going to night clubs and restaurants. Of course, we're different. We live in a palace - at the end of the world. +Hurray for the bulldog! Half past eleven! The shows have just let out. People are going to night clubs and restaurants. Of course, we're different. We live in a palace - at the end of the world. You always said you wanted to live in a palace. +You always said you wanted to live in a palace. Can't we go back, Charlie? +It makes a whole lot more sense than collecting Venuses. You may be right - I sometimes wonder - but you get into the habit - +You may be right - I sometimes wonder - but you get into the habit - It's not a habit. I do it because I like it. +It's not a habit. I do it because I like it. I was referring to myself. I thought we might have a picnic tomorrow - it might be a nice change after the Wild West party tonight. Invite everybody to go to the Everglades - +I was referring to myself. I thought we might have a picnic tomorrow - it might be a nice change after the Wild West party tonight. Invite everybody to go to the Everglades - Invite everybody! Order everybody, you mean, and make them sleep in tents! Who wants to sleep in tents when they have a nice room of their own - with their own bath, where they know where everything is? +I mean it. Oh, I know I always say I mean it, and then I don't - or you get me so I don't do what I say I'm going to - but - You're in a tent, darling. You're not at home. And I can hear you very well if you just talk in a normal tone of voice. +You're in a tent, darling. You're not at home. And I can hear you very well if you just talk in a normal tone of voice. I'm not going to have my guests insulted, just because you think - - if people want to bring a drink or two along on a picnic, that's their business. You've got no right - +I'm not going to have my guests insulted, just because you think - - if people want to bring a drink or two along on a picnic, that's their business. You've got no right - I've got more than a right as far as you're concerned, Susan. +I've got more than a right as far as you're concerned, Susan. Oh, I'm sick and tired of you telling me what I must and what I musn't do! +Oh, I'm sick and tired of you telling me what I must and what I musn't do! You're my wife, Susan, and - +You're my wife, Susan, and - I'm not just your wife, I'm a person all by myself - or I ought to be. I was once. Sometimes you get me to believing I never was. +I'm not just your wife, I'm a person all by myself - or I ought to be. I was once. Sometimes you get me to believing I never was. We can discuss all this some other time, Susan. Right now - +We can discuss all this some other time, Susan. Right now - I'll discuss what's on my mind when I want to. You're not going to keep on running my life the way you want it. +I'll discuss what's on my mind when I want to. You're not going to keep on running my life the way you want it. As far as you're concerned, Susan, I've never wanted anything - I don't want anything now - except what you want. +As far as you're concerned, Susan, I've never wanted anything - I don't want anything now - except what you want. What you want me to want, you mean. What you've decided I ought to have - what you'd want if you were me. But you've never given me anything that - +What you want me to want, you mean. What you've decided I ought to have - what you'd want if you were me. But you've never given me anything that - Susan, I really think - +Susan, I really think - Oh, I don't mean the things you've given me - that don't mean anything to you. What's the difference between giving me a bracelet or giving somebody else a hundred thousand dollars for a statue you're going to keep crated up and never look at? It's only money. It doesn't mean anything. You're not really giving anything that belongs to you, that you care about. +Oh, I don't mean the things you've given me - that don't mean anything to you. What's the difference between giving me a bracelet or giving somebody else a hundred thousand dollars for a statue you're going to keep crated up and never look at? It's only money. It doesn't mean anything. You're not really giving anything that belongs to you, that you care about. Susan, I want you to stop this. And right now! +Susan, I want you to stop this. And right now! Well, I'm not going to stop it. I'm going to say exactly what I think. You've never given me anything. You've tried to buy me into giving you something. You're - - it's like you were bribing me! That's what it's been from the first moment I met you. No matter how much it cost you - your time, your money - that's what you've done with everybody you've ever known. Tried to bribe them! +Well, I'm not going to stop it. I'm going to say exactly what I think. You've never given me anything. You've tried to buy me into giving you something. You're - - it's like you were bribing me! That's what it's been from the first moment I met you. No matter how much it cost you - your time, your money - that's what you've done with everybody you've ever known. Tried to bribe them! Susan! +You're talking an incredible amount of nonsense, Susan. Whatever I do - I do - because I love you. Love! You don't love anybody! Me or anybody else! You want to be loved - that's all you want! I'm Charles Foster Kane. Whatever you want - just name it and it's yours! Only love me! Don't expect me to love you - +You'll never have another chance to hit me again. I never knew till this minute - Susan, it seems to me - +Susan, it seems to me - Don't tell me you're sorry. +Don't tell me you're sorry. I'm not sorry. +I'm not sorry. I'm going to leave you. +I'm going to leave you. No, you're not. +No, you're not. Yes. +Don't you realize that everybody here is going to know about this? That you've packed your bags and ordered the car and - - And left? Of course they'll hear. I'm not saying goodbye - except to you - but I never imagined that people wouldn't know. +I won't let you go. You can't stop me. +Goodbye, Charlie. Don't go, Susan. +Don't go, Susan. Let's not start all over again, Charlie. We've said everything that can be said. +Let's not start all over again, Charlie. We've said everything that can be said. Susan, don't go! Susan, please! +She doesn't know, Mrs. Kane. She just sent it - because I made her see it wouldn't be smart for her not to send it. In case you don't know, Emily, this - this gentleman - is - +In case you don't know, Emily, this - this gentleman - is - I'm not a gentleman, Mrs. Kane, and your husband is just trying to be funny calling me one. I don't even know what a gentleman is. You see, my idea of a gentleman, Mrs. Kane - well, if I owned a newspaper and if I didn't like the way somebody else was doing things - some politican, say - I'd fight them with everything I had. Only I wouldn't show him in a convict suit, with stripes - so his children could see the picture in the paper. Or his mother. It's pretty clear - I'm not a gentleman. +Anything you say, Mr. Kane. Only we're talking now about what you are. That's what the note is about, Mrs. Kane. Now I'm going to lay all my cards on the table. I'm fighting for my life. Not just my political life. My life. If your husband is elected governor - I'm going to be elected governor. And the first thing I'm going to do - +You do anything you want to do. The people of this state can decide which one of us to trust. If you want to know, they've already decided. The election Tuesday'll be only - Mrs. Kane, I'm not asking you to believe me. I'd like to show you - +You're making a bigger fool of yourself than I thought you would, Mr. Kane. You're licked. Why don't you - Get out! I've got nothing to talk to you about. If you want to see me, have the Warden write me a letter. +Get out! I've got nothing to talk to you about. If you want to see me, have the Warden write me a letter. I see! +You're the greatest fool I've ever known, Kane. If it was anybody else, I'd say what's going to happen to you would be a lesson to you. Only you're going to need more than one lesson. And you're going to get more than one lesson. Don't you worry about me. I'm Charles Foster Kane. I'm no cheap, crooked politician, trying to save himself from the consequences of his crimes - +It is the unanimous opinion of my Cabinent - in which I concur - that the proposed leases are in the best interests of the Governement and the people. You are not, I hope, suggesting that these interests are not indentical? I'm not suggesting anything, Mr. President! I've come here to tell you that, unless some action is taken promptly - and you are the only one who can take it - the oil that is the property of the people of this country will be turned over for a song to a gang of high-pressure crooks! +I'm not suggesting anything, Mr. President! I've come here to tell you that, unless some action is taken promptly - and you are the only one who can take it - the oil that is the property of the people of this country will be turned over for a song to a gang of high-pressure crooks! I must refuse to allow you to continue in this vein, Mr. Kane. +I must refuse to allow you to continue in this vein, Mr. Kane. It's the only vein I know. I tell the facts the way I see them. And any man that knows that facts - +It's the only vein I know. I tell the facts the way I see them. And any man that knows that facts - I know the facts, Mr. Kane. And I happen to have the incredible insolence to differ with you as to what they mean. You're a man of great talents, Mr. Kane. +I know the facts, Mr. Kane. And I happen to have the incredible insolence to differ with you as to what they mean. You're a man of great talents, Mr. Kane. Thanks. +Thanks. I understand that you have political ambitions. Unfortunately, you seem incapable of allowing any other opinion but your own - +I understand that you have political ambitions. Unfortunately, you seem incapable of allowing any other opinion but your own - I'm much obliged, Mr. President, for your concern about me. However, I happen to be concerned at this moment with the matter of extensive oil lands belonging to the people of the United States, and I say that if this lease goes through, the property of the people of the United States goes into the hands of - +I'm much obliged, Mr. President, for your concern about me. However, I happen to be concerned at this moment with the matter of extensive oil lands belonging to the people of the United States, and I say that if this lease goes through, the property of the people of the United States goes into the hands of - You've made your point perfectly clear, Mr. Kane. Good day. +Impossible! Impossible! Your job isn't to give Mrs. Kane your opinion of her talents. You're supposed to train her voice. Nothing more. +Your job isn't to give Mrs. Kane your opinion of her talents. You're supposed to train her voice. Nothing more. But, it is impossible. I will be the laughingstock of the musical world! People will say - +But, it is impossible. I will be the laughingstock of the musical world! People will say - If you're interested in what people say, Signor Matisti, I may be able to enlighten you a bit. The newspapers, for instance. I'm an authority on what the papers will say, Signor Matisti, because I own eight of them between here and San Francisco... It's all right, dear. Signor Matisti is going to listen to reason. Aren't you, maestro? +If you're interested in what people say, Signor Matisti, I may be able to enlighten you a bit. The newspapers, for instance. I'm an authority on what the papers will say, Signor Matisti, because I own eight of them between here and San Francisco... It's all right, dear. Signor Matisti is going to listen to reason. Aren't you, maestro? Mr. Kane, how can I persuade you - +Mr. Kane, how can I persuade you - You can't. +You goin', Mom? Your mother won't be going right away, Charles - +Your mother won't be going right away, Charles - Where'm I going? +Is that really your idea of how to run a newspaper? I don't know how to run a newspaper, Mr. Thatcher. I just try everything I can think of. +I don't know how to run a newspaper, Mr. Thatcher. I just try everything I can think of. """Enemy Armada Off Jersey Coast."" You know you haven't the slightest proof that this - this armada - is off the Jersey Coast." +"""Enemy Armada Off Jersey Coast."" You know you haven't the slightest proof that this - this armada - is off the Jersey Coast." Can you prove it isn't? +You see! There hasn't been a true word - I think we'll have to send our friend Wheeler a cable, Mr. Bernstein. Of course, we'll have to make it shorter than his, because he's working on an expense account and we're not. Let me see - Mike! +I came to see you, Charles, about your - about the Enquirer's campaign against the Metropolitan Transfer Company. Won't you step into my office, Mr. Thatcher? +Mr. Thatcher, isn't everything I've been saying in the Enquirer about the traction trust absolutely true? They're all part of your general attack - your senseless attack - on everything and everybody who's got more than ten cents in his pocket. They're - +They're all part of your general attack - your senseless attack - on everything and everybody who's got more than ten cents in his pocket. They're - The trouble is, Mr. Thatcher, you don't realize you're talking to two people. +"As Charles Foster Kane, who has eighty- two thousand, six hundred and thirty-one shares of Metropolitan Transfer - you see, I do have a rough idea of my holdings - I sympathize with you. Charles Foster Kane is a dangerous scoundrel, his paper should be run out of town and a committee should be formed to boycott him. You may, if you can form such a committee, put me down for a contribution of one thousand dollars." Charles, my time is too valuable for me - +Charles, my time is too valuable for me - On the other hand - I am the publisher of the Enquirer. As such, it is my duty - I'll let you in on a little secret, it is also my pleasure - to see to it that decent, hard-working people of this city are not robbed blind by a group of money- mad pirates because, God help them, they have no one to look after their interests! I'll let you in on another little secret, Mr. Thatcher. I think I'm the man to do it. You see, I have money and property - +I happened to see your consolidated statement yesterday, Charles. Could I not suggest to you that it is unwise for you to continue this philanthropic enterprise - this Enquirer - that is costing you one million dollars a year? You're right. We did lose a million dollars last year. +Get Dr. Corey. Yes, sir. +Mrs. Kane would like to see you, Mr. Kane. All right. +Is Mrs. Kane - Marie has been packing since morning, Mr. Kane. +Close the door, Raymond. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Lock it - and keep it locked. +Raymond - Yes, sir - +Do you like poetry, Raymond? Can't say, sir. +Can't say, sir. Mrs. Kane liked poetry - +Yes, Mr. Kane. Not my wife - not either of them. +Oh, yes, sir. Do you know what that is? +Do you know what that is? It's a wall you bought in China, Mr. Kane. +It's a wall you bought in China, Mr. Kane. Persia. It belonged to a king. +Persia. It belonged to a king. How did you get him to part with it, Mr. Kane? +How did you get him to part with it, Mr. Kane? He was dead... That's a poem. Do you know what it means? +He was dead... That's a poem. Do you know what it means? No, I don't, Mr. Kane. +No, I don't, Mr. Kane. I didn't used to be afraid of it. +Poor Mr. Carter! What makes those fellows think that a newspaper is something rigid, something inflexible, that people are supposed to pay two cents for - +Tired? It's been a tough day. +It's been a tough day. A wasted day. +"I've changed the front page a little, Mr. Bernstein. That's not enough - There's something I've got to get into this paper besides pictures and print - I've got to make the ""New York Enquirer"" as important to New York as the gas in that light." What're you going to do, Charlie? +"That's the second sentence you've started with ""I"" -" People are going to know who's responsible. And they're going to get the news - the true news - quickly and simply and entertainingly. And no special interests will be allowed to interfere with the truth of that news. +"The ""Chronicle"" is a good newspaper." It's a good idea for a newspaper. Four hundred sixy thousand. +Well, gentlemen, are we going to war? Our readers are, anyway, I don't know about the rest of the country. +Our readers are, anyway, I don't know about the rest of the country. "It'll be our first foreign war in fifty years, Brad. We'll cover it the way the ""Hickville Gazette"" covers the church social! The names of everybody there; what they wore; what they ate; who won the prizes; who gave the prizes - I tell you, Brad, I envy you. By Bradford Leland, the ""Enquirer's"" Special Correspondent at the Front. I'm almost tempted -" +"It'll be our first foreign war in fifty years, Brad. We'll cover it the way the ""Hickville Gazette"" covers the church social! The names of everybody there; what they wore; what they ate; who won the prizes; who gave the prizes - I tell you, Brad, I envy you. By Bradford Leland, the ""Enquirer's"" Special Correspondent at the Front. I'm almost tempted -" But there is no Front, Charlie. There's a very doubtful civil war. Besides, I don't want the job. +But there is no Front, Charlie. There's a very doubtful civil war. Besides, I don't want the job. All right, Brad, all right - you don't have to be a war correspondent unless you want to - I'd want to. Hello, Georgie. +Charles, I tell you there is no war! There's a condition that should be remedied - but between that and a - "How would the ""Enquirer"" look with no news about this non-existent war - with Benton, Pulitzer and Heart devoting twenty columns a day to it?" +"How would the ""Enquirer"" look with no news about this non-existent war - with Benton, Pulitzer and Heart devoting twenty columns a day to it?" They do it only because you do! +They do it only because you do! And I do it because they do it, and they do it - it's a vicious circle, isn't it? I'm going over to Georgie's, Brad - you know, Georgie, don't you? +Say, Brad. I've got an idea. Yes? +Yes? I mean I've got a job for you. +I mean I've got a job for you. Good. +Good. You don't want to be a war correspondent - how about being a dramatic critic? +You don't want to be a war correspondent - how about being a dramatic critic? I'd like that. +"You start tomorrow night. Richard Carl in ""The Spring Chicken."" I'll get us some girls. You get tickets. A drama critic gets them free, you know. Rector's at seven?" Charlie - +Charlie - Yes? +Yes? It doesn't make any difference about me, but one of these days you're going to find out that all this charm of yours won't be enough - +It doesn't make any difference about me, but one of these days you're going to find out that all this charm of yours won't be enough - You're wrong. It does make a difference to you - Rector's, Brad? Come to think of it, I don't blame you for not wanting to be a war correspondent. You won't miss anything. It isn't much of a war. Besides, they tell me there isn't a decent restaurant on the whole island. +"Take dictation - Front page editorial - ""This afternoon a great man was assassinated. He was the President of the United States -""" Charlie - +Charlie - Yes? +Yes? Do you think you're the one who should call him a great man? +Do you think you're the one who should call him a great man? Why not? +Why not? Why not? Well - nobody's a great man in your estimation until he's dead. +What do you mean by that? Yesterday morning you called the President a traitor. What do you think that crowd is doing down there? They think you murdered him. +Yesterday morning you called the President a traitor. What do you think that crowd is doing down there? They think you murdered him. "Because the crackpot who did it had a copy of the ""Enquirer"" in his pocket?" +"Because the crackpot who did it had a copy of the ""Enquirer"" in his pocket?" "- and that copy of the ""Enquirer"" said the President should be killed." +"- and that copy of the ""Enquirer"" said the President should be killed." I said treason was a capital offense punishable by death - +I said treason was a capital offense punishable by death - You've said a lot of things about the President in the last few months. +You've said a lot of things about the President in the last few months. They're true! Everything I said! Witholding that veto was treason! +They're true! Everything I said! Witholding that veto was treason! Charlie! +Charlie! Oil belonging to the people of the United States was leased out for a song to a gang of high-pressure crooks - Nobody can blame me because - +Oil belonging to the people of the United States was leased out for a song to a gang of high-pressure crooks - Nobody can blame me because - Look out that window. +There are the people of the United States, and they are blaming you - Oh, I know it doesn't make any sense, but at least you can learn a lesson from it. "What lesson? Not to expose fraud when I see it? Not to fight for the right of the people to own their own property? Run it the way I said, Reilly - ""This afternoon a great man was assassinated -""" +"What lesson? Not to expose fraud when I see it? Not to fight for the right of the people to own their own property? Run it the way I said, Reilly - ""This afternoon a great man was assassinated -""" Charlie! Now you're not making sense. +Charlie! Now you're not making sense. I don't have to. I run a newspaper with half a million readers and they're getting a martyred president this morning with their breakfast. I can't help that. Besides, they all know I'm married to his niece. I've got to think of her. +I don't have to. I run a newspaper with half a million readers and they're getting a martyred president this morning with their breakfast. I can't help that. Besides, they all know I'm married to his niece. I've got to think of her. What? +What? I've got to think of Emily - +I've got to think of Emily - I'd like to talk to you about that. +I'd like to talk to you about that. Go ahead. +First of all - What's wrong, Brad? +What's wrong, Brad? I'm drunk. +I'm drunk. I'll get you some coffee. +"First of all, I will not write a good review of a play because somebody paid a thousand dollars for an advertisement in the ""Enquirer.""" That's just a little promotion scheme. Nobody expects you - Mike, will you try and get Mr. Leland some coffee? +Charlie, it's just no go. We can't agree anymore. I wish you'd let me go to Chicago. Why, Brad? +Why, Brad? I want to be transferred to the new paper. You've been saying yourself you wish you had somebody to - That's not what I wanted to talk about. +I'll tell you what I'll do, Brad - I'll get drunk, too - maybe that'll help. No, that won't help. Besides, you never get drunk. I wanted to talk about you and Emily. +All right. She's going to leave you - +She's going to leave you - I don't think so, Brad. We've just had word that the President is out of danger. It seems I didn't kill him after all. +I don't think so, Brad. We've just had word that the President is out of danger. It seems I didn't kill him after all. She was going to leave you anyway - +Emily's going south next week with the child. As far as anybody's to know, it's a holiday. When they get back - Brad, you are drunk. +Brad, you are drunk. Sure I am. She wants full custody of the child no matter what happens. If you won't agree to that, she'll apply for a divorce regardless of the President's wishes. I can't tell her she's wrong, because she isn't wrong - +Sure I am. She wants full custody of the child no matter what happens. If you won't agree to that, she'll apply for a divorce regardless of the President's wishes. I can't tell her she's wrong, because she isn't wrong - Why is she leaving me? +Why is she leaving me? She hasn't any friends left sine you started this oil business, and she never sees you. +She hasn't any friends left sine you started this oil business, and she never sees you. "Do you think the ""Enquirer"" shouldn't have campaigned against the oil leases?" +"Do you think the ""Enquirer"" shouldn't have campaigned against the oil leases?" You might have made the whole thing less personal! +There's no reason why this - this savage personal note - The personal note is all there is to it. It's all there ever is to it. It's all there every is to anything! Stupidity in our government, complacency and self-satisfaction and unwillingness to believe that anything done by a certain class of people can be wrong - you can't fight those things impersonally. They're not impersonal crimes against people. They're being done by actual persons - with actual names and positions and - the right of the American people to own their own country is not an academic issue, Brad, that you debate - and then the judges retire to return a verdict and the winners give a dinner for the losers. +The personal note is all there is to it. It's all there ever is to it. It's all there every is to anything! Stupidity in our government, complacency and self-satisfaction and unwillingness to believe that anything done by a certain class of people can be wrong - you can't fight those things impersonally. They're not impersonal crimes against people. They're being done by actual persons - with actual names and positions and - the right of the American people to own their own country is not an academic issue, Brad, that you debate - and then the judges retire to return a verdict and the winners give a dinner for the losers. You almost convince me. I'm just drunk enough to tell you the truth. I have to be a little drunk for that because I'm a coward. You know that. That's why you keep me around. You only associate with your inferiors, Charlie. I guess that's why you ran away from Emily. Because you can't stand the company of your equals. You don't like to admit they exist - the other big people in your world are dead. I told you that. +You talk about the people of the United States as though they belonged to you. When you find out they don't think they are, you'll lose interest. You talk about giving them their rights as though you could make a present of liberty. Remember the working man? You used to defend him quite a good deal. Well, he's turning into something called organized labor and you don't like that at all. And listen, when your precious underprivileged really get together - that's going to add up to something bigger than - than your privilege and then I don't know what you'll do - sail away to a desert island, probably, and lord it over the monkeys. Are you finished? +Are you finished? Yes. Now, will you let me go to Chicago? +Yes. Now, will you let me go to Chicago? You're not going to like it in Chicago. They wind comes howling in from the lake. And there's practically no opera season at all - and the Lord only knows whether they've ever heard of Lobster Newburg - +You're not going to like it in Chicago. They wind comes howling in from the lake. And there's practically no opera season at all - and the Lord only knows whether they've ever heard of Lobster Newburg - That's all right. What are you going to do about Emily? +That's all right. What are you going to do about Emily? Nothing - if she dosen't love me - +You want love on your own terms, don't you, Charlie - Love according to your own rules. And if anything goes wrong and you're hurt - then the game stops, and you've got to be soothed and nursed, no matter what else is happening - and no matter who else is hurt! It's simpler than that, Brad. A society girl can't stand the gaff, that's all. Other things are important to her - social position, what they're saying on the front porches at Southampton, is it going to be embarrassing to meet somebody or the other at dinner - +She can leave me. As a matter of fact, I've already left her. Don't worry, Brad - I'll live. I know you will. +I know you will. Hey, Brad! I've been analyzed an awful lot tonight - let's have another brandy. +You still want to be transferred to the other paper? Yes. +Yes. Well, you've been getting a pretty low salary here in New York. It seems to me that the new dramatic critic of our Chicago paper should get what he's worth. +Well, you've been getting a pretty low salary here in New York. It seems to me that the new dramatic critic of our Chicago paper should get what he's worth. I couldn't possibly live on as little as that, Charlie. We'll let the salary stay where it is. +Hello, Brad. Hello, Charlie - I didn't know we were speaking. +Maybe we'd better wait for more word on the President's condition. What do you mean by that? +We'll withdraw support completely. Anything else? Mr. Leland sent back that check. +Mr. Leland sent back that check. What check? +What check? You made it out to him last week after he left for Chicago. +You made it out to him last week after he left for Chicago. Oh, yes, the bonus. +Oh, yes, the bonus. It was for twenty-five thousand dollars. +It does seem too good to be true, doesn't it, Mr. Bernstein? Rogers isn't even pretending. He isn't just scared anymore. He's sick. Frank Norris told me last night he hasn't known Rogers to be that worried in twenty-five years. +Rogers isn't even pretending. He isn't just scared anymore. He's sick. Frank Norris told me last night he hasn't known Rogers to be that worried in twenty-five years. I think it's beginning to dawn on Mr. Rogers that I mean what I say. With Mr. Rogers out of the way, Reilly, I think we may really begin to hope for a good government in this state. Well, Mr. Bernstein? +I'll sign those papers - You people seem to forget that I'm the boy's father. +It's going to be done exactly the way I've told Mr. Thatcher - If I want to, I can go to court. A father has a right to - +Well, let's hope it's all for the best. It is. Go on, Mr. Thatcher - +Mr. Thatcher is going to take you on a trip with him tonight, Charles. You'll be leaving on Number Ten. That's the train with all the lights. +You're going to live with Mr. Thatcher from now on, Charlie! You're going to be rich. Your Ma figures - that is, er - she and I have decided that this isn't the place for you to grow up in. You'll probably be the richest man in America someday and you ought to - You won't be lonely, Charles... +Sorry, Mr. Thatcher! What the kid needs is a good thrashing! That's what you think, is it, Jim? +That's what you think, is it, Jim? Yes. +Mr. Leland, you were - You don't happen to have a cigar, do you? I've got a young physician - must remember to ask to see his license - the odds are a hundred to one he hasn't got one - who thinks I'm going to stop smoking... I changed the subject, didn't I? Dear, dear! What a disagreeable old man I've become. You want to know what I think of Charlie Kane? Well - I suppose he has some private sort of greatness. But he kept it to himself. He never - gave himself away - He never gave anything away. He just - left you a tip. He had a generous mind. I don't suppose anybody ever had so many opinions. That was because he had the power to express them, and Charlie lived on power and the excitement of using it - But he didn't believe in anything except Charlie Kane. He never had a conviction in his life. I guess he died without one - That must have been pretty unpleasant. Of course, a lot of us check out with no special conviction about death. But we do know what we're leaving ... we believe in something. You're absolutely sure you haven't got a cigar? +You don't happen to have a cigar, do you? I've got a young physician - must remember to ask to see his license - the odds are a hundred to one he hasn't got one - who thinks I'm going to stop smoking... I changed the subject, didn't I? Dear, dear! What a disagreeable old man I've become. You want to know what I think of Charlie Kane? Well - I suppose he has some private sort of greatness. But he kept it to himself. He never - gave himself away - He never gave anything away. He just - left you a tip. He had a generous mind. I don't suppose anybody ever had so many opinions. That was because he had the power to express them, and Charlie lived on power and the excitement of using it - But he didn't believe in anything except Charlie Kane. He never had a conviction in his life. I guess he died without one - That must have been pretty unpleasant. Of course, a lot of us check out with no special conviction about death. But we do know what we're leaving ... we believe in something. You're absolutely sure you haven't got a cigar? Sorry, Mr. Leland. +Sorry, Mr. Leland. Never mind - Bernstein told you about the first days at the office, didn't he? Well, Charlie was a bad newspaper man even then. He entertained his readers, but he never told them the truth. +Never mind - Bernstein told you about the first days at the office, didn't he? Well, Charlie was a bad newspaper man even then. He entertained his readers, but he never told them the truth. Maybe you could remember something that - +Maybe you could remember something that - I can remember everything. That's my curse, young man. It's the greatest curse that's ever been inflicted on the human race. Memory - I was his oldest friend. As far as I was concerned, he behaved like swine. Maybe I wasnt' his friend. If I wasn't, he never had one. Maybe I was what nowadays you call a stooge - +What's this? It's a letter from her lawyers. +It's a letter from her lawyers. David, Grobleski & Davis - My dear Rawlston - +David, Grobleski & Davis - My dear Rawlston - Rawlston is my boss. +Rawlston is my boss. Oh, yes. I know about Mr. Rawlston. +Oh, yes. I know about Mr. Rawlston. He knows the first Mrs. Kane socially - That's the answer we got. +He knows the first Mrs. Kane socially - That's the answer we got. I am in receipt of your favor of yesterday. I beg you to do me the courtesy of accepting my assurance that Mrs. Whitehall cannot be induced to contribute any more information on the career of Charles Foster Kane. She has authorized me to state on previous occasions that she regards their brief marriage as a distateful episode in her life that she prefers to forget. With assurances of the highest esteem - +Brief marriage! Ten years! Was he in love? +Was he in love? He married for love - That's why he did everything. That's why he went into politics. It seems we weren't enough. He wanted all the voters to love him, too. All he really wanted out of life was love. That's Charlie's story - it's the story of how he lost it. You see, he just didn't have any to give. He loved Charlie Kane, of course, very dearly - and his mother, I guess he always loved her. As for Emily - well, all I can tell you is Emily's story as she told it to me, which probably isn't fair - there's supposed to be two sides to every story - and I guess there are. I guess there's more than two sides - +Well, that's about all there is - and I'm getting chills. Hey, nurse! Five years ago, he wrote from that place of his down South - - you know. Shangri-la? El Dorado? Sloppy Joe's? What's the name of that place? You know... All right. Xanadu. I knew what it was all the time. You caught on, didn't you? Yes. +Yes. I guess maybe I'm not as hard to see through as I think. Anyway, I never even answered his letter. Maybe I should have. I guess he was pretty lonely down there those last years. He hadn't finished it when she left him - he never finished it - he never finished anything. Of course, he built it for her - +I guess maybe I'm not as hard to see through as I think. Anyway, I never even answered his letter. Maybe I should have. I guess he was pretty lonely down there those last years. He hadn't finished it when she left him - he never finished it - he never finished anything. Of course, he built it for her - That must have been love. +That must have been love. I don't know. He was disappointed in the world. So he built one of his own - An absolute monarchy - It was something bigger than an opera house anyway - Nurse! Say, I'll tell you one thing you can do for me, young fellow. +I don't know. He was disappointed in the world. So he built one of his own - An absolute monarchy - It was something bigger than an opera house anyway - Nurse! Say, I'll tell you one thing you can do for me, young fellow. Sure. +Sure. On your way out, stop at a cigar store, will you, and send me up a couple of cigars? +On your way out, stop at a cigar store, will you, and send me up a couple of cigars? Sure, Mr. Leland. I'll be glad to. +Sure, Mr. Leland. I'll be glad to. Hey, Nurse! +I want you to stop all this nonsense, Jim. The Bank's decision in all matters concerning his education, his place of residence and similar subjects will be final. +I want you to stop all this nonsense, Jim. We will assume full management of the Colorado Lode - of which you, Mrs. Kane, are the sole owner. +Where do I sign, Mr. Thatcher? Right here, Mrs. Kane. +Charles, my name is Mr. Thatcher - This is Mr. Thatcher, Charles. +This is Mr. Thatcher, Charles. How do you do, Charles? +Yeah, all in crates. There's a part of a Scotch castle over there, but we haven't bothered to unwrap it. +There's a part of a Scotch castle over there, but we haven't bothered to unwrap it. I wonder how they put all those pieces together? +Anything and everything - he was a regular crow. I wonder - You put all this together - the palaces and the paintings and the toys and everything - what would it spell? +Or Rosebud? How about it, Jerry? Turn that thing off, will you? It's driving me nuts! What's Rosebud? +Turn that thing off, will you? It's driving me nuts! What's Rosebud? Kane's last words, aren't they, Jerry? That was Jerry's angle, wasn't it, Jerry? Did you ever find out what it means, Jerry? +Yes, and maybe he didn't. Ask the question anyway, Thompson! Build the picture around the question, even if you can't answer it. +Ask the question anyway, Thompson! Build the picture around the question, even if you can't answer it. I know, but - +I know, but - All we saw on that screen was a big American - +Thompson! Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Hold this thing up for a week. Two weeks if you have to... +Hold this thing up for a week. Two weeks if you have to... But don't you think if we release it now - he's only been dead four days - it might be better than if - +But don't you think if we release it now - he's only been dead four days - it might be better than if - Nothing is ever better than finding out what makes people tick. Go after the people that knew Kane well. That manager of his - the little guy, Bernstein, those two wives, all the people who knew him, had worked for him, who loved him, who hated his guts - I don't mean go through the City Directory, of course - +I'll get to it right away, Mr. Rawlston. Good! +Yes, sir - yes, sir, I knew how to handle the old man. He was kind of queer, but I knew how to handle him. Queer? +Queer? Yeah. I guess he wasn't very happy those last years - he didn't have much reason to be - +That's the whole works, right up to date. Sentimental fellow, aren't you? +Sentimental fellow, aren't you? Yes and no. +Yes and no. Well, thanks a lot. +Well, thanks a lot. "See what I mean? He was a little gone in the head - the last couple of years, anyway - but I knew how to handle him. That ""Rosebud"" - that don't mean anything. I heard him say it. He just said ""Rosebud"" and then he dropped that glass ball and it broke on the floor. He didn't say anything about that, so I knew he was dead - He said all kind of things I couldn't make out. But I knew how to take care of him." +You can go on asking questions if you want to. We're leaving tonight. As soon as they're through photographing the stuff - +What do you think all that is worth, Mr. Thompson? Millions - if anybody wants it. +Millions - if anybody wants it. The banks are out of luck, eh? +The banks are out of luck, eh? Oh, I don't know. They'll clear all right. +Who told you you could sit down here? Oh! I thought maybe we could have a drink together? +Oh! I thought maybe we could have a drink together? Think again! +Why don't you people let me alone? I'm minding my own business. You mind yours. If you'd just let me talk to you for a little while, Miss Alexander. All I want to ask you... +If you'd just let me talk to you for a little while, Miss Alexander. All I want to ask you... Get out of here! Get out! Get out! +How do you want to handle the whole thing - ask questions? I'd rather you just talked. Anything that comes into your mind - about yourself and Mr. Kane. +I'd rather you just talked. Anything that comes into your mind - about yourself and Mr. Kane. You wouldn't want to hear a lot of what comes into my mind about myself and Mr. Charlie Kane. +How did you meet him? I had a toothache. +I did a lot of singing after that. I sang for Charlie - I sang for teachers at a hundred bucks an hour - the teachers got that, I didn't - What did you get? +What did you get? What do you mean? +I didn't get a thing. Just the music lessons. That's all there was to it. He married you, didn't he? +He married you, didn't he? He was in love with me. But he never told me so until after it all came out in the papers about us - and he lost the election and that Norton woman divorced him. +He was in love with me. But he never told me so until after it all came out in the papers about us - and he lost the election and that Norton woman divorced him. What about that apartment? +What about that apartment? He wanted me to be comfortable - Oh, why should I bother? You don't believe me, but it's true. It just happens to be true. He was really interested in my voice. What are you smiling for? What do you think he built that opera house for? I didn't want it. I didn't want to sing. It was his idea - everything was his idea - except my leaving him. +In case you've never heard of how I lost all my money - and it was plenty, believe me - The last ten years have been tough on a lot of people. +The last ten years have been tough on a lot of people. They haven't been tough on me. I just lost my money. But when I compare these last ten years with the twenty I spent with him - +They haven't been tough on me. I just lost my money. But when I compare these last ten years with the twenty I spent with him - I feel kind of sorry for him, all the same - +I feel kind of sorry for him, all the same - Don't you think I do? You say you're going down to Xanadu? +Don't you think I do? You say you're going down to Xanadu? Monday, with some of the boys from the office. Mr. Rawlston wants the whole place photographed carefully - all that art stuff. We run a picture magazine, you know - +Monday, with some of the boys from the office. Mr. Rawlston wants the whole place photographed carefully - all that art stuff. We run a picture magazine, you know - I know. If you're smart, you'll talk to Raymond. That's the butler. You can learn a lot from him. He knows where the bodies are buried. +Right away. Will you have something, Mr. Thompson? I'll have a highball. +She's just not talking to anybody from the newspapers, Mr. Thompson. I'm not from a newspaper exactly, I - +She's plastered, isn't she? She'll snap out of it. Why, until he died, she'd just as soon talk about Mr. Kane as about anybody. Sooner. +She'll snap out of it. Why, until he died, she'd just as soon talk about Mr. Kane as about anybody. Sooner. I'll come down in a week or so and see her again. Say, you might be able to help me. When she used to talk about Kane - did she ever happen to say anything - about Rosebud? +I'll come down in a week or so and see her again. Say, you might be able to help me. When she used to talk about Kane - did she ever happen to say anything - about Rosebud? Rosebud? +Are you sure? Am I sure? +Am I sure? Are you sure? +Are you sure? Am I sure about what? +Am I sure about what? Do you really want to buy those cigarettes? +Do you really want to buy those cigarettes? Are you serious? +Are you serious? How long have you been smoking? +How long have you been smoking? What is this, a poll? +I'd say you're about nineteen, twenty, am I right? What the hell is that? +What the hell is that? That's your lung. By this time, your lung looks like this. +That's your lung. By this time, your lung looks like this. You're shittin' me. +You're shittin' me. You think I'm shitting you... +What's this? It's a trach ring. It's what they install in your throat when throat cancer takes your voice box. This one came out of a sixty-year-old man. +It's a trach ring. It's what they install in your throat when throat cancer takes your voice box. This one came out of a sixty-year-old man. Unnhh! +Unnhh! He smoked until the day he died. Used to put the cigarette in this thing and smoke it that way. +Well, if it's already too late... It's never too late. Give those cigarettes back now, and buy some gum instead. Here. Chewlies Gum. Try this. +It's never too late. Give those cigarettes back now, and buy some gum instead. Here. Chewlies Gum. Try this. It's not the same. +It's not the same. It's cheaper than cigarettes. And it certainly beats this. +Jesus! It's a picture of a cancer-ridden lung. Keep it. +It's a picture of a cancer-ridden lung. Keep it. I'll just take the gum. +Pack of cigarettes. What's that? This? How long have you been smoking? +Thanks. Have a good one. Do you mind if I drink this here? +Do you mind if I drink this here? Sure. Go ahead. +Beats me. How long have you been a smoker? +Excuse me, but... This is where you're heading. A cruddy lung, smoking through a hole in your throat. Do you really want that? +Fifty-five. You've made a wise choice. Keep up the good work. +Maybe you should take that coffee outside. No, I think I'll drink it in here, thanks. +No, I think I'll drink it in here, thanks. If you're going to drink it in here, I'd appreciate it if you'd not bother the customers. +If you're going to drink it in here, I'd appreciate it if you'd not bother the customers. Okay. I'm sorry about that. +Hey, now wait a sec... "Now he's going to launch into his rap about how he's just doing his job; following orders. Friends, let me tell you about another bunch of hate mongers that were just following orders: they were called Nazis, and they practically wiped a nation of people from the Earth... just like cigarettes are doing now! Cigarette smoking is the new Holocaust, and those that partake in the practice of smoking or sell the wares that promote it are the Nazis of the nineties! He doesn't care how many people die from it! He smiles as you pay for your cancer sticks and says, ""Have a nice day.""" +"Now he's going to launch into his rap about how he's just doing his job; following orders. Friends, let me tell you about another bunch of hate mongers that were just following orders: they were called Nazis, and they practically wiped a nation of people from the Earth... just like cigarettes are doing now! Cigarette smoking is the new Holocaust, and those that partake in the practice of smoking or sell the wares that promote it are the Nazis of the nineties! He doesn't care how many people die from it! He smiles as you pay for your cancer sticks and says, ""Have a nice day.""" I think you'd better leave now. +I think you'd better leave now. You want me to leave? Why? Because somebody is telling it like it is? Somebody's giving these fine people a wake-up call?! +You want me to leave? Why? Because somebody is telling it like it is? Somebody's giving these fine people a wake-up call?! You're loitering in here, and causing a disturbance. +You're loitering in here, and causing a disturbance. You're the disturbance, pal! And here... I'm buying some... what's this?... Chewlie's Gum. There. I'm no longer loitering. I'm a customer, a customer engaged in a discussion with other customers. +That's it, everybody out. We're not moving! We have a right, a constitutional right, to assemble and be heard! +We're not moving! We have a right, a constitutional right, to assemble and be heard! Yeah, but not in here. +Yeah, but not in here. What better place than this? To stamp it out, you gotta start at the source! +What better place than this? To stamp it out, you gotta start at the source! Like I'm responsible for all the smokers! +Like I'm responsible for all the smokers! The ones in this town, yes! You encourage their growth, their habit. You're the source in this area, and we're going to shut you down for good! For good, cancer-merchant! +Randal Graves-scourge of the video renter. Ladies and gentleman, Mrs. Asian Design Major herself: Caitlin Bree! +Ladies and gentleman, Mrs. Asian Design Major herself: Caitlin Bree! You saw that article? God, isn't it awful? My mother sent that in. +You saw that article? God, isn't it awful? My mother sent that in. I take it she likes the guy. +I take it she likes the guy. You'd think she was marrying him. What are you watching? +You'd think she was marrying him. What are you watching? Children's programming. What did your mom say when you told her you weren't engaged anymore? +Children's programming. What did your mom say when you told her you weren't engaged anymore? She said not to come home until graduation. +She said not to come home until graduation. Wow, you got thrown out? For Dante? +Wow, you got thrown out? For Dante? What can I say? He does weird things to me. +What can I say? He does weird things to me. Can I watch? +Can I watch? You can hold me down. +You can hold me down. Can I join in? +Can I join in? You might be let down. I'm not a hermaphrodite. +You might be let down. I'm not a hermaphrodite. Few are. So what makes you think you can maintain a relationship with Dante this time around? +Few are. So what makes you think you can maintain a relationship with Dante this time around? A woman's intuition. Something in me says it's time to give the old boy a serious try. +A woman's intuition. Something in me says it's time to give the old boy a serious try. Wow. Hey, I was just about to order some dinner. You eat Chinese, right? +Wow. Hey, I was just about to order some dinner. You eat Chinese, right? Dick. +Dick. Exactly. +Exactly. So where is he? +So where is he? He went home to change for the big date. +He went home to change for the big date. God, isn't he great? +God, isn't he great? No, this is great. +No, this is great. Can I use the bathroom? +Can I use the bathroom? There's no light back there. +There's no light back there. Why aren't there any lights? +Why aren't there any lights? Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at five-fourteen every night. +Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at five-fourteen every night. You're kidding. +You're kidding. Nobody can figure it out. And the boss doesn't want to pay the electrician to fix it, because the electrician owes money to the video store. +Nobody can figure it out. And the boss doesn't want to pay the electrician to fix it, because the electrician owes money to the video store. Such a sordid state of affair. +Such a sordid state of affair. And I'm caught in the middle-torn between my loyalty for the boss, and my desire to piss with the light on. +And I'm caught in the middle-torn between my loyalty for the boss, and my desire to piss with the light on. I'll try to manage. +Hey Caitlin... Break his heart again this time, and I'll kill you. Nothing personal. You're very protective of him, Randal. You always have been. +You're very protective of him, Randal. You always have been. Territoriality. He was mine first. +Territoriality. He was mine first. Awww. That was so cute. +Am I missing something here? I went back there, and Dante was already waiting for me. +I went back there, and Dante was already waiting for me. He was? +He was? It was so cool. He didn't say a word. He was just... ready, you know? And we didn't kiss or talk or anything. He just sat there and let me do all the work. +It was so cool. He didn't say a word. He was just... ready, you know? And we didn't kiss or talk or anything. He just sat there and let me do all the work. You dog! I didn't see you go back there. +I was here the whole time. You two better quit it. +Nobody! I swear! I feel nauseous. +Why? No, don't! +When did you get back? Just now. +Just now. My God. I haven't seen you since... +My God. I haven't seen you since... Dante. You've got a customer. +I just saw Alyssa's little sister outside. She was with Rick Derris. Let's not talk about that. How'd you get home? +Let's not talk about that. How'd you get home? Train. It took eight hours. +Train. It took eight hours. I can't believe you're here. +You're just going to lock the store like that? I want to talk to you about something, and I don't want to be disturbed. +I want to talk to you about something, and I don't want to be disturbed. You saw it? +You saw it? Very dramatic, I thought. +Very dramatic, I thought. It's not what you think. +It's not what you think. What, it's worse? You're pregnant with an Asian design major's child? +What, it's worse? You're pregnant with an Asian design major's child? I'm not pregnant. +I'm not pregnant. Were you going to tell me or just send me an invitation? +Were you going to tell me or just send me an invitation? I was going to tell you. But then we were getting along so well, I didn't want to mess it up. +I was going to tell you. But then we were getting along so well, I didn't want to mess it up. You could've broke it to me gently, you know; at least started by telling me you had a boyfriend. I told you I have a girlfriend. +You could've broke it to me gently, you know; at least started by telling me you had a boyfriend. I told you I have a girlfriend. I know, I'm sorry. But when we started talking... it's like I forgot I had a boyfriend. And then he proposed last month... +I know, I'm sorry. But when we started talking... it's like I forgot I had a boyfriend. And then he proposed last month... And you said yes? +And you said yes? Well... kind of, sort of? +Well... kind of, sort of? Is that what they teach you at that school of yours? Kind of, sort of? Everyone knows about this except me! Do you know how humiliating that is? +Is that what they teach you at that school of yours? Kind of, sort of? Everyone knows about this except me! Do you know how humiliating that is? I would've told you, and you would have stopped calling, like a baby. +I would've told you, and you would have stopped calling, like a baby. How do you know that? +How do you know that? Because I know you. You prefer drastic measures to rational ones. +Because I know you. You prefer drastic measures to rational ones. So you're really getting married? +So you're really getting married? No. +No. No, you're not really getting married? +No, you're not really getting married? The story goes like this: He proposed, and I told him I had to think about it, and he insisted I wear the ring anyway. Then my mother told the paper we were engaged. +The story goes like this: He proposed, and I told him I had to think about it, and he insisted I wear the ring anyway. Then my mother told the paper we were engaged. How like her. +How like her. Then my mother called me this morning and told me the announcement was in the paper. That's when I hopped the train to come back here, because I knew you'd be a wreck. +Then my mother called me this morning and told me the announcement was in the paper. That's when I hopped the train to come back here, because I knew you'd be a wreck. Thanks for the vote of confidence. +Thanks for the vote of confidence. Was I right? +Was I right? Wreck is a harsh term. Disturbed is more like it. Mildly disturbed even. +Wreck is a harsh term. Disturbed is more like it. Mildly disturbed even. I love a macho façade. It's such a turn-on. What smells like shoe polish? +I love a macho façade. It's such a turn-on. What smells like shoe polish? And you came here to what? To comfort me? +And you came here to what? To comfort me? The last thing I needed was for you to think I was hiding something from you. +The last thing I needed was for you to think I was hiding something from you. But you were. +But you were. No, I wasn't. Not really. I told you'd I'd been seeing other people. +No, I wasn't. Not really. I told you'd I'd been seeing other people. Yeah, but not seriously. Christ, you're ready to walk down the aisle- I'd say that constitutes something more than just seeing somebody. +Yeah, but not seriously. Christ, you're ready to walk down the aisle- I'd say that constitutes something more than just seeing somebody. I'm giving him his ring back. +I'm giving him his ring back. What? +What? I don't want to marry him. I don't want to get married now. I'm on the verge of graduation. I want to go to grad school after this. And then I want to start a career. I don't want to be a wife first, and then have to worry about when I'm going to fit in all of the other stuff. I've come way too far and studied too hard to let my education go to waste as a housewife. And I know that's what I'd become. Sang's already signed with a major firm, and he's going to be pulling a huge salary, which would give me no reason to work, and he's so traditional anyway... +I don't want to marry him. I don't want to get married now. I'm on the verge of graduation. I want to go to grad school after this. And then I want to start a career. I don't want to be a wife first, and then have to worry about when I'm going to fit in all of the other stuff. I've come way too far and studied too hard to let my education go to waste as a housewife. And I know that's what I'd become. Sang's already signed with a major firm, and he's going to be pulling a huge salary, which would give me no reason to work, and he's so traditional anyway... Sang? His name is a past tense? +Sang? His name is a past tense? Stop it. He's a nice guy. +Stop it. He's a nice guy. If he's so nice, why aren't you going to marry him? +If he's so nice, why aren't you going to marry him? I just told you. +I just told you. There's more, isn't there? +There's more, isn't there? Why, Mr. Hicks-whatever do you mean? +Why, Mr. Hicks-whatever do you mean? Tell me I don't have something to do with it. +Tell me I don't have something to do with it. You don't have anything to do with it. +You don't have anything to do with it. You lie. +You lie. Look how full of yourself you are. +Look how full of yourself you are. I just believe in giving credit where credit is due. And I believe that I'm the impetus behind your failure to wed. +I just believe in giving credit where credit is due. And I believe that I'm the impetus behind your failure to wed. If I'm so nuts about you, then why am I having sex with an Asian design major? +If I'm so nuts about you, then why am I having sex with an Asian design major? Jesus, you're caustic. +Jesus, you're caustic. I had to bring you down from that cloud you were floating on. When I say I don't want to get married, I mean just that. I don't want to marry anybody. Not for years. +I had to bring you down from that cloud you were floating on. When I say I don't want to get married, I mean just that. I don't want to marry anybody. Not for years. So who's asking? I don't want to marry you. +So who's asking? I don't want to marry you. Good. Stay in that frame of mind. +Good. Stay in that frame of mind. But can we date? +But can we date? I'm sure Sang and-Veronica?-would like that. +I'm sure Sang and-Veronica?-would like that. We could introduce them. They might hit it off. +We could introduce them. They might hit it off. You're serious. You want to date again. +You're serious. You want to date again. I would like to be your boyfriend, yes. +I would like to be your boyfriend, yes. It's just the shock of seeing me after three years. Believe me, you'll get over it. +It's just the shock of seeing me after three years. Believe me, you'll get over it. Give me a bit more credit. I think it's time we got back together, you know. I'm more mature, you're more mature, you're finishing college, I'm already in the job market... +Give me a bit more credit. I think it's time we got back together, you know. I'm more mature, you're more mature, you're finishing college, I'm already in the job market... You work in a market, all right. +You work in a market, all right. Cute. Tell me you wouldn't want to go out again. After all the talking we've been doing. +Cute. Tell me you wouldn't want to go out again. After all the talking we've been doing. The key word here is talk, Dante. I think the idea, the conception of us dating is more idyllic than what actually happens when we date. +The key word here is talk, Dante. I think the idea, the conception of us dating is more idyllic than what actually happens when we date. So... what? So we should just make pretend over the phone that we're dating? +So... what? So we should just make pretend over the phone that we're dating? I don't know. Maybe we should just see what happens. +I don't know. Maybe we should just see what happens. Let me take you out tonight. +Let me take you out tonight. You mean, on a date? +You mean, on a date? Yes. A real date. Dinner and a movie. +Yes. A real date. Dinner and a movie. The Dante Hicks Dinner and a Movie Date. I think I've been on that one before. +The Dante Hicks Dinner and a Movie Date. I think I've been on that one before. You have a better suggestion? +You have a better suggestion? How about the Caitlin Bree Walk on the Boardwalk, Then Get Naked Somewhere Kind of Private Date? +How about the Caitlin Bree Walk on the Boardwalk, Then Get Naked Somewhere Kind of Private Date? I hear that's a rather popular date. +I hear that's a rather popular date. Jerk. Here I am, throwing myself at you, succumbing to your wily charms, and you call me a slut, in so many words. +Jerk. Here I am, throwing myself at you, succumbing to your wily charms, and you call me a slut, in so many words. What about Sing? +What about Sing? Sang. +Sang. Sang. +Sang. He's not invited. +He's not invited. He's your fiancé. +He's your fiancé. I offer you my body and you offer me semantics? He's just a boyfriend, Dante, and in case you haven't gotten the drift of why I came all the way here from Ohio, I'm about to become single again. And yes-let me placate your ego-you are the inspiration for this bold and momentous decision, for which I'll probably be ostracized at both school and home. You ask me who I choose, I choose you. +I offer you my body and you offer me semantics? He's just a boyfriend, Dante, and in case you haven't gotten the drift of why I came all the way here from Ohio, I'm about to become single again. And yes-let me placate your ego-you are the inspiration for this bold and momentous decision, for which I'll probably be ostracized at both school and home. You ask me who I choose, I choose you. So what are you saying? +So what are you saying? You're such an asshole. +You're such an asshole. I'm just kidding. +I'm just kidding. I can already tell this isn't going to work. +I can already tell this isn't going to work. I'll ask Randal to close up for me when he gets back. +I'll ask Randal to close up for me when he gets back. Where'd he go? I'd have thought he'd be at your side, like an obedient lapdog. +Where'd he go? I'd have thought he'd be at your side, like an obedient lapdog. He went to rent a movie, but he hasn't gotten back yet. Ah, screw it; I'll just lock the store up and leave him a note. +He went to rent a movie, but he hasn't gotten back yet. Ah, screw it; I'll just lock the store up and leave him a note. You're too responsible. But no. I have to go home first. They don't even know I left school. And I should break the disengagement news to my mother, which is going to cause quite a row, considering she loves Sang. +You're too responsible. But no. I have to go home first. They don't even know I left school. And I should break the disengagement news to my mother, which is going to cause quite a row, considering she loves Sang. Who doesn't? +Who doesn't? Well, me I guess. So, I shall take my leave of you, but I will return in a little while, at which time-yes-I would love to go for dinner and a movie with you. +Well, me I guess. So, I shall take my leave of you, but I will return in a little while, at which time-yes-I would love to go for dinner and a movie with you. What happened to the walk and the nakedness? +What happened to the walk and the nakedness? I'm easy, but I'm not that easy. See you later, handsome. +How'd you get here so fast? I left like an hour ago. +I left like an hour ago. Do you always talk weird after you violate women? +Promise me it'll always be like that. Like what? +Like what? When you just lie perfectly still and let me do everything. +When you just lie perfectly still and let me do everything. Um... okay. +And the fact that there weren't any lights made it so... God! That was so great! It wasn't me. +It wasn't me. Yeah, right. Who was it: Randal? +Yeah, right. Who was it: Randal? Was it you? +I'm serious. We didn't just have sex in the bathroom? +We didn't just have sex in the bathroom? No. +Stop this. This isn't funny. I'm not kidding. I just got back from outside. +I'm not kidding. I just got back from outside. This isn't fucking funny, Dante! +This isn't fucking funny, Dante! I'm not fooling around! Who went back there? +Are you sure somebody was back there? I didn't just fuck myself! Jesus, I'm going to be sick! +I can't believe this! I feel faint... Call the police. +There's a strange man in our bathroom, and he just raped Caitlin! Oh God... +I don't know. He just came in and asked to use the bathroom. What time was this? +What time was this? Um... I don't know. What time did hockey end? +Wait a second? Who was working here today? Just me. +Just me. I thought you just said you played hockey and went to a funeral. +I thought you just said you played hockey and went to a funeral. We did. +We did. Then who operated the store? +Then who operated the store? Nobody. It was closed. +Nobody. It was closed. With this guy locked in? +With this guy locked in? Everything happened at once. I guess I forgot he was back there. +Was he alive when... Caitlin... No. I place the time of death at about three-twenty. +Well he asked me for it! I can't say for certain until we get him back to the lab, but my guess is he was masturbating, his heart seized and he died. That's when the girl found him. Something smells like shoe polish. +What about Caitlin? Shock trauma. She's going to need years of therapy after this. My question is, How did she come to have sex with the dead man? +Shock trauma. She's going to need years of therapy after this. My question is, How did she come to have sex with the dead man? She thought it was me. +Are you open? Yeah. +Yeah. Pack of cigarettes. +This is the last time I come to this place. Excuse me? +Excuse me? Using filthy language in front of the customers... you should both get fired. +Using filthy language in front of the customers... you should both get fired. We're sorry, ma'am. We got a little carried away. +We're sorry, ma'am. We got a little carried away. Well, I don't know if sorry can make up for it. I found your remarks highly offensive. +If you can just wait a few more minutes. Fuck that! I'm gonna break my crazy neck on this ladder! +What the fuck is this?! I want some service! In a second! +In a second! Fuck in a second! This is... Look at you! You can't even pass! +Fuck in a second! This is... Look at you! You can't even pass! I can pass! +I can pass! How 'bout covering point!? You suck! +Who are you to make assessments? I'll assess all I want! +Like you're better! I can whip your ass. +That's easy to say from over here. Give me a stick, pretty boy! I'll knock your fucking teeth out and pass all over your ass. +Are you open? Yes. +My point is that you're a clerk, paid to do a job. You can't just do anything you want while you're working. """Space Alien Revealed as Head of Time Warner; Reports Stock Increase."" They print any kind of shit in these papers." +"""Space Alien Revealed as Head of Time Warner; Reports Stock Increase."" They print any kind of shit in these papers." They certainly do. Two fifty-five. +I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR FUCKING HEAD! YOU FUCKING JERKOFF! Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He didn't mean it! He was trying to get me. +Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He didn't mean it! He was trying to get me. Well, he missed! +Well, he missed! I know. I'm sorry. Let me refund your cigarette money, and we'll call it even. +I know. I'm sorry. Let me refund your cigarette money, and we'll call it even. This is the last time I ever come here. And if I ever see you again, I'm gonna break your fucking head open! +Excuse me, do you have... To the back, above the oil. How long are you staying? +Pack of cigarettes. Congratulations. I saw that announcement in today's paper. She's marrying an Asian design major. So I'm told. +All right, now if you're really feeling dangerous tonight, then Smokey and the Bandit Three is the movie you must rent. This doesn't even have Burt Reynolds in it. +This doesn't even have Burt Reynolds in it. Hey, neither did ET; but that was a great movie, right? +Awww, he's so cute. What's his name? Lenin's Tomb. +I work in a shitty video store. I want to go to a good video store so I can rent a good movie. Are you open? +Pack of cigarettes. Cute cat. What's its name? Annoying Customer. +Pack of cigarettes. What's your point? +I saw one, one time, that said the world was ending the next week. Then in the next week's paper, they said we were miraculously saved at the zero hour by a Koala-fish mutant bird. Crazy shit. So I'm no more responsible for my own decisions while I'm here at work than, say, the Death Squad soldiers in Bosnia? +Cute cat. What's his name. Peptic ulcer. +You open? Yeah. +What am I worried about? He'll probably be glad I started the ball rolling. All he ever did was complain about her anyway. I'm just looking out for his best interests. I mean, that's what a friend does, am I right? I did him a favor. Oooh! Navy Seals! +Dante, let me grab a Gatorade. If you grab a Gatorade, then everybody's going to grab one. +If you grab a Gatorade, then everybody's going to grab one. So? +So? So? So nobody's going to want to pay for these Gatorades. +So? So nobody's going to want to pay for these Gatorades. What do you care? Hey, what smells like shoe polish? +What do you care? Hey, what smells like shoe polish? I've got a responsibility here. I can't let everybody grab free drinks. +I've got a responsibility here. I can't let everybody grab free drinks. What responsibility? You're closing the fucking store to play hockey. +All right. Jesus, you fuckers are pushy. Hey man, I hear Caitlin's marrying an Asian drum major. +You only brought one ball?! I thought Redding had like three balls! +Shit! We get... what... twelve minutes of game, and it's over? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!! I'm not even supposed to be here today! +You're late. What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were playing hockey at one. +What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were playing hockey at one. The boss called. Arthur fell ill. +The boss called. Arthur fell ill. Why are the shutters closed? +Why are the shutters closed? Someone jammed gum in the locks. +Someone jammed gum in the locks. Bunch of savages in this town. +Bunch of savages in this town. That's what I said. +That's what I said. Shit, if I'd known you were working, I would've come even later. +What time do you have to stay till? He assured me that he'd be here by twelve. +He assured me that he'd be here by twelve. What smells like shoe polish? +What smells like shoe polish? Go open the sore. +Some guy just came in refusing to pay late fees. He said the store was closed for two hours yesterday. I tore up his membership. Shocking abuse of authority. +Shocking abuse of authority. I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule. Is the Pelican flying? +I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule. Is the Pelican flying? Don't screw with it. It makes us look suspicious. +Don't screw with it. It makes us look suspicious. I can't stand a voyeur. I'll be back. +Want something to drink? I'm buying. No, thanks. +No, thanks. Who was on your phone this morning at about two-thirty? I was trying to call for a half an hour. +Who was on your phone this morning at about two-thirty? I was trying to call for a half an hour. Why? +Why? I wanted to use your car. +You don't want to know. You called Caitlin again? +You called Caitlin again? She called me. +She called me. Did you tell Veronica? +Did you tell Veronica? One fight a day with Veronica is about all I can stomach, thanks. +One fight a day with Veronica is about all I can stomach, thanks. What do you two fight about? +What do you two fight about? I guess it's not really fighting. She just wants me to leave here, go back to school, get some direction. +I guess it's not really fighting. She just wants me to leave here, go back to school, get some direction. I'll bet the most frequent topic of arguments is Caitlin Bree. +I'll bet the most frequent topic of arguments is Caitlin Bree. You win. +You win. I'm going to offer you some advice, my friend: let the past be the past. Forget Caitlin Bree. You've been with Veronica for how long now? +I'm going to offer you some advice, my friend: let the past be the past. Forget Caitlin Bree. You've been with Veronica for how long now? Seven months. +Seven months. Chick's nuts about you. How long did you date Caitlin? +Chick's nuts about you. How long did you date Caitlin? Five years. +Five years. Chick only made you nuts. She cheated on you how many times? +Chick only made you nuts. She cheated on you how many times? Eight and a half. +Eight and a half. Eight and a half? +Eight and a half? Party at John K's-senior year. I get blitzed and pass out in his bedroom. Caitlin comes in and dives all over me. +Party at John K's-senior year. I get blitzed and pass out in his bedroom. Caitlin comes in and dives all over me. That's cheating? +That's cheating? In the middle of it, she calls me Brad. +In the middle of it, she calls me Brad. She called you Brad? +She called you Brad? She called me Brad. +She called me Brad. "That's not cheating. People say crazy shit during sex. One time, I called this girl ""Mom.""" +"That's not cheating. People say crazy shit during sex. One time, I called this girl ""Mom.""" I hit the lights and she freaks. Turns out she thought I was Brad Michaelson. +I hit the lights and she freaks. Turns out she thought I was Brad Michaelson. What do you mean? +What do you mean? She was supposed to meet Brad Michaelson in a bedroom. She picked the wrong one. She had no idea I was even at the party. +She was supposed to meet Brad Michaelson in a bedroom. She picked the wrong one. She had no idea I was even at the party. Oh, my God. +Oh, my God. Great story, isn't it? +Great story, isn't it? That girl was vile to you. +That girl was vile to you. Interesting postscript to that story: Do you know who wound up going with Brad Michaelson in the other dark bedroom? +Interesting postscript to that story: Do you know who wound up going with Brad Michaelson in the other dark bedroom? Your mother. +Your mother. Allan Harris. +Allan Harris. Chess team Allan Harris?! +Chess team Allan Harris?! The two moved to Idaho together after graduation. They raise sheep. +The two moved to Idaho together after graduation. They raise sheep. That's frightening. +That's frightening. It takes different strokes to move the world. +It takes different strokes to move the world. In light of this lurid tale, I don't see how you could even romanticize your relationship with Caitlin-she broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles. +In light of this lurid tale, I don't see how you could even romanticize your relationship with Caitlin-she broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles. Because there was a lot of good in our relationship. +Because there was a lot of good in our relationship. Oh yeah. +Oh yeah. I'm serious. Aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. That's what high school's all about-algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity. +I'm serious. Aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. That's what high school's all about-algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity. You think things would be any different now? +You think things would be any different now? They are. When she calls me now, she's a different person-she's frightened and vulnerable. She's about to finish college and enter the real world. That's got to be scary for anyone. +They are. When she calls me now, she's a different person-she's frightened and vulnerable. She's about to finish college and enter the real world. That's got to be scary for anyone. Oh shit, I've got to place an order. +Oh shit, I've got to place an order. I'm talking to myself here. +I'm talking to myself here. No, no, I'm listening. She's leaving college, and...? +No, no, I'm listening. She's leaving college, and...? ...and she's looking to me for support. And I think that this is leading our relationship to a new level. +...and she's looking to me for support. And I think that this is leading our relationship to a new level. What about Veronica? +What about Veronica? I think the arguments Veronica and I are having are some kind of manifestation of a subconscious desire to break away from her so that I can pursue the possibility of a more meaningful relationship with Caitlin. +I think the arguments Veronica and I are having are some kind of manifestation of a subconscious desire to break away from her so that I can pursue the possibility of a more meaningful relationship with Caitlin. Caitlin's on the same wave-length? +Caitlin's on the same wave-length? I think it's safe to say yes. +I think it's safe to say yes. Then I think all four of you had better sit down and talk it over. +Then I think all four of you had better sit down and talk it over. All four? +All four? You, Veronica, Caitlin... ...and Caitlin's fiancé. +Do you know that article is accurate? Caitlin's really getting married! You know what I just watched? +You know what I just watched? Me pulling a can off some moron's fist. +Me pulling a can off some moron's fist. Return of the Jedi. +Return of the Jedi. Didn't you hear me? Caitlin really is getting married. +Didn't you hear me? Caitlin really is getting married. Which did you like better: Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back. +Which did you like better: Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back. Empire. +Empire. Blasphemy. +Blasphemy. Empire had the better ending: Luke gets his hand cut off, and finds out Vader's his father; Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. And that's life-a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets. +Empire had the better ending: Luke gets his hand cut off, and finds out Vader's his father; Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. And that's life-a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets. There was something else going on in Jedi. I never noticed it until today. +What's that? All right, Vader's boss... +All right, Vader's boss... The Emperor. +The Emperor. Right, the Emperor. Now the Emperor is kind of a spiritual figure, yes? +Right, the Emperor. Now the Emperor is kind of a spiritual figure, yes? How do you mean? +How do you mean? Well, he's like the pope for the dark side of the Force. He's a holy man; a shaman, kind of, albeit an evil one. +Well, he's like the pope for the dark side of the Force. He's a holy man; a shaman, kind of, albeit an evil one. I guess. +I guess. Now, he's in charge of the Empire. The Imperial government is under his control. And the entire galaxy is under Imperial rule. +Now, he's in charge of the Empire. The Imperial government is under his control. And the entire galaxy is under Imperial rule. Yeah. +Yeah. Then wouldn't that logically mean that it's a theocracy? If the head of the Empire is a priest of some sort, then it stands to reason that the government is therefore one based on religion. +Then wouldn't that logically mean that it's a theocracy? If the head of the Empire is a priest of some sort, then it stands to reason that the government is therefore one based on religion. It would stand to reason, yes. +It would stand to reason, yes. Hence, the Empire was a fascist theocracy, and the rebel forces were therefore battling religious persecution. +Hence, the Empire was a fascist theocracy, and the rebel forces were therefore battling religious persecution. More or less. +More or less. The only problem is that at no point in the series did I ever hear Leia or any of the rebels declare a particular religious belief. +The only problem is that at no point in the series did I ever hear Leia or any of the rebels declare a particular religious belief. I think they were Catholics. +You know what else I noticed in Jedi? There's more? +There's more? So they build another Death Star, right? +So they build another Death Star, right? Yeah. +Yeah. Now the first one they built was completed and fully operational before the Rebels destroyed it. +Now the first one they built was completed and fully operational before the Rebels destroyed it. Luke blew it up. Give credit where it's due. +Luke blew it up. Give credit where it's due. And the second one was still being built when they blew it up. +And the second one was still being built when they blew it up. Compliments of Lando Calrissian. +Compliments of Lando Calrissian. Something just never sat right with me the second time they destroyed it. I could never put my finger on it-something just wasn't right. +Something just never sat right with me the second time they destroyed it. I could never put my finger on it-something just wasn't right. And you figured it out? +And you figured it out? Well, the thing is, the first Death Star was manned by the Imperial army- storm troopers, dignitaries-the only people onboard were Imperials. +Well, the thing is, the first Death Star was manned by the Imperial army- storm troopers, dignitaries-the only people onboard were Imperials. Basically. +Basically. So when they blew it up, no prob. Evil is punished. +So when they blew it up, no prob. Evil is punished. And the second time around...? +And the second time around...? The second time around, it wasn't even finished yet. They were still under construction. +The second time around, it wasn't even finished yet. They were still under construction. So? +So? A construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I'll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers. +A construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I'll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers. Not just Imperials, is what you're getting at. +Not just Imperials, is what you're getting at. Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms. +Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms. All right, so even if independent contractors are working on the Death Star, why are you uneasy with its destruction? +All right, so even if independent contractors are working on the Death Star, why are you uneasy with its destruction? All those innocent contractors hired to do a job were killed- casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. All right, look-you're a roofer, and some juicy government contract comes your way; you got the wife and kids and the two-story in suburbia-this is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. All of a sudden these left-wing militants blast you with lasers and wipe out everyone within a three-mile radius. You didn't ask for that. You have no personal politics. You're just trying to scrape out a living. +You'll never believe what this unruly customer just said... Wait. +Wait. She's in here? +She's in here? This guy is going through all of the eggs. Look. +What's he looking for? He said he has to find a perfect dozen. +He said he has to find a perfect dozen. Perfect dozen. +Perfect dozen. Each egg has to be perfect. +Each egg has to be perfect. The quest isn't going well? +The quest isn't going well? Obviously not. Look at all the cartons that didn't make the grade. +Why doesn't he just mix and match? I told him that and he yelled at me. +What did he say? He said it was important to have standards. He said nobody has pride anymore. +He said it was important to have standards. He said nobody has pride anymore. It's not like you laid the eggs yourself. +It's not like you laid the eggs yourself. I'll give him five more minutes then I'm calling the cops. I don't need this, man. I'm not even supposed to be here today. +Did you ever notice all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie. You know how much money the average jizz-mopper make per hour? +You know how much money the average jizz-mopper make per hour? What's a jizz-mopper? +What's a jizz-mopper? He's the guy in those nudie-booth joints who cleans up after each guy that jerks off. +He's the guy in those nudie-booth joints who cleans up after each guy that jerks off. Nudie booth? +Nudie booth? Nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth? +Nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth? I guess not. +Oh, it's great. You step into this little booth and there's this window between you and this naked woman, and she puts on this little show for like ten bucks. What kind of show? +What kind of show? Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you'd like to see chicks do. These chicks do it all. They insert things into any opening in their body... any opening. He's led a very sheltered life. +Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you'd like to see chicks do. These chicks do it all. They insert things into any opening in their body... any opening. He's led a very sheltered life. Can we talk about this later? +Can we talk about this later? The jizz-mopper's job is to clean up the booths afterward, because practically everybody shoots a load against the window, and I don't know if you know or not, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away. +Why do you do things like that? You know she's going to come back and tell the boss. Who cares? That lady's an asshole. Everybody that comes in here is way too uptight. This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers. +Who cares? That lady's an asshole. Everybody that comes in here is way too uptight. This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers. I'm gonna hear it tomorrow. +I'm gonna hear it tomorrow. You gotta loosen up, my friend. You'd feel a hell of a lot better if you'd rip into the occasional customer. +You gotta loosen up, my friend. You'd feel a hell of a lot better if you'd rip into the occasional customer. What for? They don't bother me if I don't bother them. +What for? They don't bother me if I don't bother them. Liar! Tell me there aren't customers that annoy the piss out of you on a daily basis. +Liar! Tell me there aren't customers that annoy the piss out of you on a daily basis. There aren't. +There aren't. How can you lie like that? Why don't you vent? Vent your frustration. Come on, who pisses you off? +How can you lie like that? Why don't you vent? Vent your frustration. Come on, who pisses you off? It's not really anyone per se, it's more of separate groupings. +It's not really anyone per se, it's more of separate groupings. Let's hear it. +Let's hear it. The milkmaids. +The milkmaids. The milkmaids? +The women that go through every gallon of milk looking for a later date. As if somewhere-beyond all the other gallons-is a container of milk that won't go bad for like a decade. You know who I can do without? I could do without the people in the video store. +You know who I can do without? I could do without the people in the video store. Which ones? +Which ones? All of them. +No. Why not? +Why not? Because my ex-girlfriend is getting married. +Because my ex-girlfriend is getting married. Jesus, you got a one-track mind. It's always Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin... +Jesus, you got a one-track mind. It's always Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin... Veronica! +Thirty-seven! Shut up! Yes, I've calmed down, I'm still not happy about it, but I've been able to deal. +Can you come next door? I gotta make a phone call. Smokey Three: thumbs up, am I right? +Smokey Three: thumbs up, am I right? The best Burtless movie ever made. +Vermont? Can you believe this?! +Can you believe this?! He didn't mention it when he called you this morning? +He didn't mention it when he called you this morning? Not a fucking word! Slippery shit! +Not a fucking word! Slippery shit! So, what-you're stuck here all day? +So, what-you're stuck here all day? FUCK! +FUCK! Why'd you apologize? +Why'd you apologize? What? +What? I heard you apologize. Why? You have every right in the world to be mad. +I heard you apologize. Why? You have every right in the world to be mad. I know. +I know. That seems to be the leitmotif in your life; ever backing down. +That seems to be the leitmotif in your life; ever backing down. I don't back down. +I don't back down. Yes, you do. You always back down. You assume blame that isn't yours, you come in when called as opposed to enjoying your day off, you buckle like a belt. +Yes, you do. You always back down. You assume blame that isn't yours, you come in when called as opposed to enjoying your day off, you buckle like a belt. You know what pisses me off the most? +You know what pisses me off the most? The fact that I'm right about your buckling? +The fact that I'm right about your buckling? I'm going to miss the game. +I'm going to miss the game. Because you buckled. +Because you buckled. Would you shut the hell up with that shit? It's not helping. +Would you shut the hell up with that shit? It's not helping. Don't yell at me, pal. +Don't yell at me, pal. Sorry. +Sorry. See? There you go again. +See? There you go again. I can't believe I'm going to miss the game! +I can't believe I'm going to miss the game! At least we're stuck here together. +At least we're stuck here together. You've got a customer. +Pull my laces tighter. I've gotta tell you, my friend: this is one of the ballsiest moves I've ever been privy to. I never would have thought you capable of such blatant disregard of store policy. +I've gotta tell you, my friend: this is one of the ballsiest moves I've ever been privy to. I never would have thought you capable of such blatant disregard of store policy. I told him I had a game today. It's his own fault. +I told him I had a game today. It's his own fault. No argument here. Insubordination rules. +No argument here. Insubordination rules. I just want to play hockey like I was scheduled to. +He's blunt, but he's got a point. At least let me maintain some semblance of managerial control here. +Design major. Can we not talk about this? +Are you gonna lock the store? I don't know. You going to lock the video store? +I don't know. You going to lock the video store? Look who you're asking here. How're we gonna block off the street? +Look who you're asking here. How're we gonna block off the street? We're not playing in the street. +We're not playing in the street. Then where're we gonna play? +Helluva game! One ball!! They come all the way here... I close the damn store... for one ball! +One ball!! They come all the way here... I close the damn store... for one ball! Hockey's hockey. At least we got to play. +Hockey's hockey. At least we got to play. Randal, twelve minutes is not a game! Jesus, it's barely a warm-up! +Randal, twelve minutes is not a game! Jesus, it's barely a warm-up! Bitch, bitch, bitch. You want something to drink? +Bitch, bitch, bitch. You want something to drink? Gatorade. +What happened to all the Gatorade? Exactly. They drank it all. +Exactly. They drank it all. After an exhausting game like that I can believe it. +After an exhausting game like that I can believe it. """It's not like we're gonna sell out.""" +You know what Sanford told me? I still can't believe Caitlin's getting married. +I still can't believe Caitlin's getting married. Julie Dwyer died. +Julie Dwyer died. Yeah, right. +Yeah, right. No, I'm serious. +Oh, my god. Sanford's brother dates her cousin. He found out this morning. +Sanford's brother dates her cousin. He found out this morning. How? When? +How? When? Embolism in her brain. Yesterday. +Embolism in her brain. Yesterday. Jesus. +Jesus. She was swimming at the YMCA pool when it happened. Died mid-backstroke. +She was swimming at the YMCA pool when it happened. Died mid-backstroke. I haven't seen her in almost two years. +I haven't seen her in almost two years. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't she one of the illustrious twelve? +Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't she one of the illustrious twelve? Number six. +Number six. You've had sex with a dead person. +You've had sex with a dead person. I'm gonna go to her wake. +I'm gonna go to her wake. No, you're not. +No, you're not. Why not? +Why not? It's today. +It's today. What!? +What!? Paulsen's Funeral Parlor. The next show is at four. +Paulsen's Funeral Parlor. The next show is at four. Shit. What about tomorrow? +Shit. What about tomorrow? One night only. She's buried in the morning. +One night only. She's buried in the morning. You've gotta watch the store. I have to go to this. +You've gotta watch the store. I have to go to this. Wait, wait, wait. Has it occurred to you that I might bereaved as well? +Wait, wait, wait. Has it occurred to you that I might bereaved as well? You hardly knew her! +You hardly knew her! True, but do you know how many people are going to be there? All of our old classmates, to say the least. +True, but do you know how many people are going to be there? All of our old classmates, to say the least. Stop it. This is beneath even you. +Stop it. This is beneath even you. I'm not missing what's probably going to be the social event of the season. +I'm not missing what's probably going to be the social event of the season. You hate people. +You hate people. But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic? +But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic? Don't be an asshole. Somebody has to stay with the store. +Don't be an asshole. Somebody has to stay with the store. If you go, I go. +If you go, I go. She meant nothing to you! +She meant nothing to you! She meant nothing to you either until I told you she died. +She meant nothing to you either until I told you she died. I'm not taking you to this funeral. +I'm not taking you to this funeral. I'm going with you. +I'm going with you. I can't close the store. +I can't close the store. You just closed the store to play hockey on the roof! +You just closed the store to play hockey on the roof! Exactly, which means I can't close it for another hour so we can both go to a wake. +You were saying? Thanks for putting me in a tough spot. You're a good friend. +She was pretty young, hunhh? Twenty-two; same as us. +Twenty-two; same as us. An embolism in a pool. +An embolism in a pool. An embarrassing way to die. +An embarrassing way to die. That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died. +That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died. How'd he die? +How'd he die? Broke his neck. +Broke his neck. That's embarrassing? +That's embarrassing? He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick. +Shut the hell up. Bible truth. +Bible truth. Stop it. +Stop it. I swear. +I swear. Oh, my god. +Oh, my god. Come on. Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick? +Come on. Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick? No! +No! Yeah sure. You're so repressed. +Yeah sure. You're so repressed. Because I never tried to suck my own dick? +Because I never tried to suck my own dick? No, because you won't admit to it. As if a guy's a fucking pervert because he tries to go down on himself. You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it. +No, because you won't admit to it. As if a guy's a fucking pervert because he tries to go down on himself. You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it. Who found him? +Who found him? My cousin? My aunt found him. On his bed, doubled over himself with his legs on top. Dick in his mouth. My aunt freaked out. It was a mess. +My cousin? My aunt found him. On his bed, doubled over himself with his legs on top. Dick in his mouth. My aunt freaked out. It was a mess. His dick was in his mouth? +His dick was in his mouth? Balls resting on his lips. +Balls resting on his lips. He made it, hunhh? +He made it, hunhh? Yeah, but at what a price. +I could never reach. Reach what? +Reach what? You know. +You know. What, your dick? +What, your dick? Yeah. Like you said, you know. I guess everyone tries it, sooner of later. +Yeah. Like you said, you know. I guess everyone tries it, sooner of later. I never tried it. +I know it was a bad idea to close the store. Listen to you. +Listen to you. I can't help it. At least when we were playing hockey outside, I could see if anyone wanted to go in. +I can't help it. At least when we were playing hockey outside, I could see if anyone wanted to go in. Nobody's there. It's four o'clock on a Saturday. How many people ever come to the store at four on a Saturday? +I can't fucking believe you!! I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault! +I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault! You knocked the fucking casket over, for Chrissakes! +You knocked the fucking casket over, for Chrissakes! I was just leaning on it! It was an accident! +I was just leaning on it! It was an accident! Does anyone ever knock over a casket on purpose? +Does anyone ever knock over a casket on purpose? So the casket fell over! Big deal! +So the casket fell over! Big deal! Her fucking body fell out! +Her fucking body fell out! So they'll put her back in! It's not like it's gonna matter if she breaks something! +So they'll put her back in! It's not like it's gonna matter if she breaks something! Just... go! Go open the video store. +Let me borrow your car. I don't want to talk to you. +I don't want to talk to you. Fine. Just lend me your car. +Fine. Just lend me your car. Why should I loan you my car? +Why should I loan you my car? I want to rent a movie. +I want to rent a movie. You want to rent a movie. +What's that for? You work in a video store! +Can you imagine being halfway decent to the customers at least some of the time? Let me borrow your car. +Let me borrow your car. May I be blunt with you? +May I be blunt with you? If you must. +If you must. We are employees of Quick Stop Convenience and RST video, respectively. As such, we have certain responsibilities which-though it may seem cruel and unusual-does include manning our posts until closing. +We are employees of Quick Stop Convenience and RST video, respectively. As such, we have certain responsibilities which-though it may seem cruel and unusual-does include manning our posts until closing. I see. So playing hockey and attending wakes-these practices are standard operating procedure. +I see. So playing hockey and attending wakes-these practices are standard operating procedure. There's a difference. Those were obligations. Obligations that could not have been met at any later date. Now renting videos-that's just gratuitous, not to mention illogical, considering you work in a video store. +You know what? I don't think I care for your rationale. It's going to have to do for now, considering that it's my car that's up for request. Can I help you? +So your argument is that title dictates behavior? What? +What? The reasons you won't let me borrow your car is because I have a title and a job description, and I'm supposed to follow it, right? +The reasons you won't let me borrow your car is because I have a title and a job description, and I'm supposed to follow it, right? Exactly. +That's stretching it. You're not being asked to slay children or anything. Not yet. +What the fuck did you do that for? Two reasons: one, I hate when the people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines. +Two reasons: one, I hate when the people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines. Jesus! +Jesus! And two, to make a point: title does not dictate behavior. +And two, to make a point: title does not dictate behavior. What? +What? If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn't be allowed to spit a mouthful of water at that guy. But I did, so my point is that people dictate their own behavior. Hence, even though I'm a clerk in this video store, I choose to go rent videos at Big Choice. Agreed? +If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn't be allowed to spit a mouthful of water at that guy. But I did, so my point is that people dictate their own behavior. Hence, even though I'm a clerk in this video store, I choose to go rent videos at Big Choice. Agreed? You're a danger to both the dead and the living. +You're a danger to both the dead and the living. I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny. +I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny. Please, get the hell out of here. +Please, get the hell out of here. I know I'm your hero. +Get to work. What'd you rent? Best of Both Worlds? +What'd you rent? Best of Both Worlds? Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box: Beautiful women with dicks that put mine to shame. +Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box: Beautiful women with dicks that put mine to shame. And this is what you rented? +And this is what you rented? I like to expand my horizons. +I like to expand my horizons. I got fined for selling cigarettes to a minor. +I got fined for selling cigarettes to a minor. No way! +No way! Five hundred dollars. +Five hundred dollars. You're bullshitting. +I didn't think they even enforced this. Living proof. +Living proof. I thought you never sold cigarettes to kids. +I thought you never sold cigarettes to kids. I don't; you did. +I don't; you did. Really? +Really? Little girl. Maybe five years old? +Little girl. Maybe five years old? Holy shit. That girl? +Holy shit. That girl? As opposed to the hundreds of other children you let buy cigarettes whenever you work here. +As opposed to the hundreds of other children you let buy cigarettes whenever you work here. Then how come you got the fine? +Then how come you got the fine? Because I'm here. +Because I'm here. You're lying. +You're lying. I swear. I couldn't make this kind of hell up. +I swear. I couldn't make this kind of hell up. Then why aren't you like screaming at me right now? +Then why aren't you like screaming at me right now? Because I'm happy. +Because I'm happy. You're happy? +You're happy? I'm happy. +I'm happy. You're happy to get a fine? +You're happy to get a fine? No. I'm happy because Caitlin came to see me. +No. I'm happy because Caitlin came to see me. Now I know you're lying. +Now I know you're lying. I'm not. She just left. +I'm not. She just left. What did she say? +What did she say? She's not going to marry that guy. She went home to tell her mother. +She's not going to marry that guy. She went home to tell her mother. You're kidding. +You're kidding. I'm not. +I'm not. Wow. You've had quite an evening. +Wow. You've had quite an evening. She went home, she's getting ready, and we're going out. +She went home, she's getting ready, and we're going out. I feel so ineffectual. Is there anything I can do for you? +I feel so ineffectual. Is there anything I can do for you? Watch the store while I go home and change. +Watch the store while I go home and change. What happened to title dictates behavior? +What happened to title dictates behavior? This is my way of spitting water at life. +This is my way of spitting water at life. Hey, what about Veronica? +Hey, what about Veronica? No! Don't bring it up. I don't want to think about that now. Let me enjoy this hour of bliss. I'll think about all of that later. In the meantime, nobody mentions the V word. +No! Don't bring it up. I don't want to think about that now. Let me enjoy this hour of bliss. I'll think about all of that later. In the meantime, nobody mentions the V word. You're a snake. +You're a snake. In my absence, try not to sell cigarettes to any newborns. +In my absence, try not to sell cigarettes to any newborns. You want me to bring the VCR over here so we can watch this? +You want me to bring the VCR over here so we can watch this? I might be leaving early to go out with Caitlin, in which case you'll have to close the store tonight. +I might be leaving early to go out with Caitlin, in which case you'll have to close the store tonight. All right, but you're missing out. Chicks with dicks. +All right, but you're missing out. Chicks with dicks. I'll read the book. +Who eats cock? Bunch of savages in this town. Hey, Caitlin's in the back. You might want to see if she's okay; she's been back there a long time. +Bunch of savages in this town. Hey, Caitlin's in the back. You might want to see if she's okay; she's been back there a long time. There's no lights back there. +There's no lights back there. I told her that. She said she didn't need any. Why don't you join her, man. Make a little bathroom bam-bam. +I told her that. She said she didn't need any. Why don't you join her, man. Make a little bathroom bam-bam. I love your sexy talk. It's so... kindergarten: Poo-poo; wee-wee. +I love your sexy talk. It's so... kindergarten: Poo-poo; wee-wee. Fuck you. +Maybe the Asian design major slipped her some opium? Could be. +You just fucked a total stranger? Shut the fuck up! +She said she did all the work. WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP? WHO THE FUCK IS IN THE BATHROOM? +Around three or something. What time did we go to the funeral? +What time did we go to the funeral? I think four. +What? What's with you? You haven't said anything for like twenty minutes. What the hell is your problem? This life. +This life. This life? +This life? Why do I have this life? +Why do I have this life? Have some chips; you'll feel better. +Have some chips; you'll feel better. I'm stuck in this pit, earning less than slave wages, working on my day off, dealing with every backward fuck on the planet, the goddamn steel shutters are locked all day, I smell like shoe polish, I've got an ex- girlfriend who's catatonic after fucking a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks. +I'm stuck in this pit, earning less than slave wages, working on my day off, dealing with every backward fuck on the planet, the goddamn steel shutters are locked all day, I smell like shoe polish, I've got an ex- girlfriend who's catatonic after fucking a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks. Thirty-seven. +Thirty-seven. My life is in the shitter right about now, so if you don't mind, I'd like to stew a bit. +That's all bullshit. You know what the real problem here is? I was born. +You should shit or get off the pot. I should shit or get off the pot. +I should shit or get off the pot. Yeah, you should shit or get off the pot. +Yeah, you should shit or get off the pot. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I'm talking about this thing you have... this inability to improve your situation in life. +I'm talking about this thing you have... this inability to improve your situation in life. Fuck you. +Fuck you. It's true. You'll sit there and blame life for dealing a cruddy hand, never once accepting the responsibility for the way your situation is. +It's true. You'll sit there and blame life for dealing a cruddy hand, never once accepting the responsibility for the way your situation is. What responsibility? +What responsibility? All right, if you hate this job and the people, and the fact that you have to come in on your day off, then quit. +All right, if you hate this job and the people, and the fact that you have to come in on your day off, then quit. As if it's that easy. +As if it's that easy. It is. You just up and quit. There are other jobs, and they pay better money. You're bound to be qualified for at least one of them. So what's stopping you? +It is. You just up and quit. There are other jobs, and they pay better money. You're bound to be qualified for at least one of them. So what's stopping you? Leave me alone. +Leave me alone. You're comfortable. This is a life of convenience for you, and any attempt to change it would shatter the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself. +You're comfortable. This is a life of convenience for you, and any attempt to change it would shatter the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself. Oh, like your life's any better? +Oh, like your life's any better? I'm satisfied with my situation for now. You don't hear me bitching. You, on the other hand, have been bitching all day. +I'm satisfied with my situation for now. You don't hear me bitching. You, on the other hand, have been bitching all day. Thank you. Why don't you go back to the video store? +Thank you. Why don't you go back to the video store? It's the same thing with Veronica. +It's the same thing with Veronica. Leave her out of this. +Leave her out of this. You date Veronica because she's low maintenance and because it's convenient. Meanwhile, all you ever do is talk about Caitlin. You carry a torch for a girl you dated in high school-in high school for God's sake! You're twenty-two! +You date Veronica because she's low maintenance and because it's convenient. Meanwhile, all you ever do is talk about Caitlin. You carry a torch for a girl you dated in high school-in high school for God's sake! You're twenty-two! Leave me alone. +Leave me alone. If you want Caitlin, then face Veronica, tell her, and be with Caitlin. If you want Veronica, be with Veronica. But don't pine for one and fuck the other. Man, if you weren't such a fucking coward... +If you want Caitlin, then face Veronica, tell her, and be with Caitlin. If you want Veronica, be with Veronica. But don't pine for one and fuck the other. Man, if you weren't such a fucking coward... ...If I wasn't such a fucking coward. It must be so great to be able to simplify everything the way you do. +...If I wasn't such a fucking coward. It must be so great to be able to simplify everything the way you do. Am I right or what? +Am I right or what? You're wrong. Things happened today, okay? Things that probably ruined my chances with Caitlin. +You're wrong. Things happened today, okay? Things that probably ruined my chances with Caitlin. What? The dead guy? She'll get over fucking the dead guy. Shit, my mom's been fucking a dead guy for thirty years; I call him Dad. +What? The dead guy? She'll get over fucking the dead guy. Shit, my mom's been fucking a dead guy for thirty years; I call him Dad. Caitlin and I can't be together. It's impossible. +Caitlin and I can't be together. It's impossible. Melodrama coming from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement. +Melodrama coming from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement. What do you want me to say? Yes, I suppose some of the things you're saying may be true. But that's the way things are; it's not going to change. +What do you want me to say? Yes, I suppose some of the things you're saying may be true. But that's the way things are; it's not going to change. Make them change. +Make them change. I can't, all right! Jesus, would you leave me alone? I can't make changes like that in my life. If I could, I would-but I don't have the ability to risk comfortable situations on the big money and the fabulous prizes. +I can't, all right! Jesus, would you leave me alone? I can't make changes like that in my life. If I could, I would-but I don't have the ability to risk comfortable situations on the big money and the fabulous prizes. Who're you kidding? You can so. +Who're you kidding? You can so. Jesus H. Christ, I can't! +Jesus H. Christ, I can't! So you'll continue being miserable all the time, just because you don't have the guts to face change? +So you'll continue being miserable all the time, just because you don't have the guts to face change? My mother told me once that when I as three, my potty lid was closed, and instead of lifting it, I chose to shit my pants. +My mother told me once that when I as three, my potty lid was closed, and instead of lifting it, I chose to shit my pants. Lovely story. +Lovely story. Point is-I'm not the kind of person that disrupts things in order to shit comfortably. +How's your eye? The swelling's not so bad. But the FDS stings. How's your neck? +The swelling's not so bad. But the FDS stings. How's your neck? It's hard to swallow. +You didn't have to choke me. Why the fuck did you tell Veronica that I was going to dump her for Caitlin? +Why the fuck did you tell Veronica that I was going to dump her for Caitlin? I thought I was doing you a favor. +I thought I was doing you a favor. Thanks. +Thanks. You were saying how you couldn't initiate change yourself, so I figured I'd help you out. +You were saying how you couldn't initiate change yourself, so I figured I'd help you out. Jesus. +You still didn't have to choke me. Oh please! I'm surprised I didn't kill you. +Oh please! I'm surprised I didn't kill you. Why do you say that? +Why do you say that? Why do I say that? Randal... forget it. +Why do I say that? Randal... forget it. No, really. What did I do that was so wrong? +No, really. What did I do that was so wrong? What don't you do? Randal, sometimes it seems like the only reason you come to work is to make my life miserable. +What don't you do? Randal, sometimes it seems like the only reason you come to work is to make my life miserable. How do you figure? +How do you figure? What time did you get to work today? +What time did you get to work today? Like ten after. +Like ten after. You were over half an hour late. Then all you do is come over here. +You were over half an hour late. Then all you do is come over here. To talk to you. +To talk to you. Which means the video store is ostensibly closed. +Which means the video store is ostensibly closed. It's not like I'm miles away. +It's not like I'm miles away. Unless you're out renting videos at other video stores. +Unless you're out renting videos at other video stores. Hermaphrodites! I rented it so we could watch it together! +Hermaphrodites! I rented it so we could watch it together! You get my slapped with a fine, you fight with the customers and I have to patch everything up. You get us chased out of a funeral by violating a corpse. To top it all off, you ruin my relationship. What's your encore? Do you anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank? You know what the real tragedy is? I'm not even supposed to be here today! +You get my slapped with a fine, you fight with the customers and I have to patch everything up. You get us chased out of a funeral by violating a corpse. To top it all off, you ruin my relationship. What's your encore? Do you anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank? You know what the real tragedy is? I'm not even supposed to be here today! "Fuck you. Fuck you, pal. Listen to you trying to pass the buck again. I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to attend a wake? Who tried to win back an ex- girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one? You wanna blame somebody, blame yourself. ""I'm not even supposed to be here today."" You sound like an asshole. Whose choice was it to be here today? Nobody twisted your arm. You're here today of your own violation, my friend. But you'd like to believe that the weight of the world rests on your shoulders-that the store would crumble if Dante wasn't here. Well, I got news for you, jerk: This store would survive without you. Without me either. All you do is overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job: You push fucking buttons. Any moron can waltz in here and do our jobs, but you're obsessed with making it seem so much more fucking important, so much more epic than it really is. You work in a convenience store, Dante. And badly, I might add. And I work in a shitty video store. Badly, as well. You know, that guy Jay's got it right- he has no delusions about what he does. Us? We like to make ourselves seem so much better than the people that come in here, just looking to pick up a paper or-God forbid- cigarettes. We look down on them, as it we're so advanced. Well, if we're so fucking advanced, then what are we doing working here?" +I threw out the stuff that got broken. The floor looks clean. You need a ride? +You need a ride? Got one. Just pulled up. +Do you work tomorrow? Same time. What about you? +Same time. What about you? I'm calling out. Going to hit the hospital-see how Caitlin is. Then try to see Veronica. +I'm calling out. Going to hit the hospital-see how Caitlin is. Then try to see Veronica. You wanna grab something to eat tomorrow night... after I get out of here? +You wanna grab something to eat tomorrow night... after I get out of here? I'll call you. Let you know. +I'll call you. Let you know. All right. Good luck with Veronica. If you want, I can talk to her, you know, and explain... +All right. Good luck with Veronica. If you want, I can talk to her, you know, and explain... No thanks. I'll take care of it. We've got a lot of shit to talk about. +No thanks. I'll take care of it. We've got a lot of shit to talk about. Helluva day. +Helluva day. To say the least. +To say the least. Do you need a hug or something? 'Cause I would have no hang-ups about hugging you... you know, you being a guy and all. Just don't knead my ass when you do it. +Do you need a hug or something? 'Cause I would have no hang-ups about hugging you... you know, you being a guy and all. Just don't knead my ass when you do it. Get the fuck outta here already. +Get the fuck outta here already. I'm gone. I'll talk to you tomorrow. +Are you open? Yes. +Yes. Just the paper. +Just the paper. Thirty-fire. +I'd say about sixty, seventy-tops. I know I can bench more than that! +He's got those love handles. I don't have love handles. +Do I know you? You remember Alyssa Jones? She hung out with... +You remember Alyssa Jones? She hung out with... Caitlin Bree. Yeah? +Caitlin Bree. Yeah? I'm her sister. +I'm her sister. You're Alyssa's sister? Heather? +You're Alyssa's sister? Heather? Yep. I remember you got caught in my parents' room with Caitlin once. +You know him? Caitlin used to talk about him all the time. +I still remember Caitlin telling us about that time you two went to that motel-the one with the mirrors and the hot tub in the room. THE GLADES MOTEL? +I'm surprised you never found out about it, Dante. Everybody in school knew-even in my class. Jesus Christ, what next? +Sounds to me like somebody needs to hit the gym. Excuse me? +Excuse me? I heard you strain when you put the milk in the bag. That milk only weighs about seven pounds. +I heard you strain when you put the milk in the bag. That milk only weighs about seven pounds. I didn't strain. I sighed. +I didn't strain. I sighed. I don't think so. That was a grunt; a deep inhalation of oxygen to aid in the stretching of muscles. I'm a trainer. I know what that sound signifies: you're out of shape. +I don't think so. That was a grunt; a deep inhalation of oxygen to aid in the stretching of muscles. I'm a trainer. I know what that sound signifies: you're out of shape. I don't think so. +I don't think so. Oh, I do. You made the same noise when you reached across the counter for my cash. Your muscles are thin and sadly underutilized. +Oh, I do. You made the same noise when you reached across the counter for my cash. Your muscles are thin and sadly underutilized. They are not. +They are not. Yes, they are. You're out of shape. +Yes, they are. You're out of shape. What are you talking about? There's no fat on this body. +What are you talking about? There's no fat on this body. No fat, but no tone either. You don't get enough exercise. +I am not. How much can you bench? +How much can you bench? I don't know. +Oh for God's sake! See? You're ashamed. You know you're out of shape. Take my card. I can help you tone that body up in no time. Get you on an aerobics and free-weights program. +Did you say Caitlin Bree? Yeah. +Yeah. Pretty girl, about this girl's height- dark hair-gorgeous body? +Pretty girl, about this girl's height- dark hair-gorgeous body? Yeah? +Yeah? And your name is Dante Hicks? You went to high school with her? You played hockey? +And your name is Dante Hicks? You went to high school with her? You played hockey? How do you know that? +How do you know that? Oh man! Hey, you still going out with her? +Oh man! Hey, you still going out with her? No, she's getting married. +No, she's getting married. To you? +What? While you two were dating in high school. We're talking four, five years ago, back when I drove a Trans- Am. +Wait a second! You used to sleep with Caitlin Bree? While I was dating her? All the time. That girl was like a rabbit. +All the time. That girl was like a rabbit. I... I don't believe this... +What? When? When did all this shit happen? Hey man, that was a long time ago. Don't let it get to you. +But I didn't sell cigarettes to any kids! Hey! Forget it. I don't want to deal with a guy that sells cigarettes to a five-year-old. Can I offer you a ride somewhere? +Are there any balls down there?! 'Bout the biggest pair you ever seen! NYNNE!! +Go open the video store. Yeah, you cock-smoking clerk. +Yeah, you cock-smoking clerk. How many times I gotta tell you not to deal outside the store. +How many times I gotta tell you not to deal outside the store. I'm not dealing. +Noinch, noinch, noinch-smoking weed, smoking weed! Doing coke! Drinking beers! A pack of wraps, my good man. It's time to kick back, drink some beers, and smoke some weed! Done poisoning the youth for the day? +Done poisoning the youth for the day? Hell yes, whatever that means. Now I'm gonna head over to Atlantic, drink some beers, get ripped, and- please God-get laid. E-Z Wider, one-and-a-halfs. +Hell yes, whatever that means. Now I'm gonna head over to Atlantic, drink some beers, get ripped, and- please God-get laid. E-Z Wider, one-and-a-halfs. One seventy-nine. +One seventy-nine. Pay the good man. Don't you close soon? +Pay the good man. Don't you close soon? A half hour. +A half hour. We get off about the same time every night. We should hang out. You get high? +We get off about the same time every night. We should hang out. You get high? I should start. +I should start. Wanna come to this party tonight? There's gonna be some pussy there, man! +Wanna come to this party tonight? There's gonna be some pussy there, man! With you? I don't think so. +With you? I don't think so. "Listen to you. Oh shit. ""Oh, I don't hang out with drug dealers.""" +"Listen to you. Oh shit. ""Oh, I don't hang out with drug dealers.""" Nothing personal. +I work, just like you. You're more of a crook than I am, dude. How do you figure... HEY! You can't roll a joint in here! +How do you figure... HEY! You can't roll a joint in here! Relax brother. What I mean is that you sell the stuff in this store at the highest prices around. A dollar seventy-nine for wraps-what's that shit? +Relax brother. What I mean is that you sell the stuff in this store at the highest prices around. A dollar seventy-nine for wraps-what's that shit? It's not my store. +It's not my store. And these aren't my drugs-I just sell them. +And these aren't my drugs-I just sell them. The difference is you exploit a weakness. +The difference is you exploit a weakness. What's that mean? +What's that mean? You sell to people that can't stay away from an addiction. +You sell to people that can't stay away from an addiction. All right. How much is Pepsi here? +All right. How much is Pepsi here? A dollar sixty-nine, plus tax. +A dollar sixty-nine, plus tax. At Food City it's ninety-nine cents, plus tax. +At Food City it's ninety-nine cents, plus tax. So. +So. "So why do you sell it for so much more? I'll tell you why-because people come here and they're like ""A dollar eighty for soda? I should get it at Food City. But I don't feel like driving there. I'll just buy it here so I don't have to drive up there."" That's exploiting a weakness, too, isn't it?" +"So why do you sell it for so much more? I'll tell you why-because people come here and they're like ""A dollar eighty for soda? I should get it at Food City. But I don't feel like driving there. I'll just buy it here so I don't have to drive up there."" That's exploiting a weakness, too, isn't it?" I can't believe you just rolled a joint in here. +I can't believe you just rolled a joint in here. Hey, man, what happened with that old guy? +Hey, man, what happened with that old guy? He died in the bathroom. +He died in the bathroom. That's fucked up. Yo, I heard he was jerkin' off. +That's fucked up. Yo, I heard he was jerkin' off. I don't know. I wasn't watching. +I don't know. I wasn't watching. Probably saw that Caitlin chick. I know I felt like beatin' it when I saw her. Come here, bitch! You like this? Is this what you want? Hunhh? +Probably saw that Caitlin chick. I know I felt like beatin' it when I saw her. Come here, bitch! You like this? Is this what you want? Hunhh? Knock it off. That used to be my girlfriend. +Knock it off. That used to be my girlfriend. You used to go out with her? +You used to go out with her? We were going to start again, I think. +We were going to start again, I think. Don't you already have a girlfriend? +Don't you already have a girlfriend? Veronica. +Veronica. Is she that girl who's down here all the time? She came here today carrying a plate of food. +Is she that girl who's down here all the time? She came here today carrying a plate of food. Lasagne. +Lasagne. And what-you were gonna dump her to date that Caitlin chick? +And what-you were gonna dump her to date that Caitlin chick? Maybe. +Maybe. I don't know dude. That Caitlin chick's nice. But I see that Veronica girl doing shit for you all the time. She brings you food, she rubs your back... Didn't I see her change your tire one day? +I don't know dude. That Caitlin chick's nice. But I see that Veronica girl doing shit for you all the time. She brings you food, she rubs your back... Didn't I see her change your tire one day? I jacked the car up. All she did was loosen the nuts and put the tire on. +I jacked the car up. All she did was loosen the nuts and put the tire on. Damn. She sure goes out of her way. +Damn. She sure goes out of her way. She's my girlfriend. +She's my girlfriend. "I've had girlfriends, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit. Shit, my grandma used to say, ""Which is better: a good plate with nothing on it..."" No, wait. I fucked up. She said ""What's a good-looking plate with nothing on it?""" +"I've had girlfriends, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit. Shit, my grandma used to say, ""Which is better: a good plate with nothing on it..."" No, wait. I fucked up. She said ""What's a good-looking plate with nothing on it?""" Meaning? +Meaning? I don't know. She was senile and shit. Used to piss herself all the time. C'mon Silent Bob. +It's not like it's a demanding job. I'd like to get paid to sit on my ass and watch TV. The other day I walked in there and that sonofabitch was sleeping. I'm sure he wasn't sleeping. +I'm sure he wasn't sleeping. You calling me a liar? +You calling me a liar? No; he was probably just resting his eyes. +No; he was probably just resting his eyes. What the hell is that? Resting his eyes! It's not like he's some goddamned air traffic controller! +What the hell is that? Resting his eyes! It's not like he's some goddamned air traffic controller! Actually, that's his night job. +Actually, that's his night job. Such a wiseass. But go ahead. Crack wise. That's why you're jockeying a register in some fucking local convenience store instead of doing an honest day's work. I got no more time to bullshit around waiting for that sonofabitch. You make sure this gets back. The number's eight-twelve-Wynarski. And I wanted to get a damn movie, too. +Such a wiseass. But go ahead. Crack wise. That's why you're jockeying a register in some fucking local convenience store instead of doing an honest day's work. I got no more time to bullshit around waiting for that sonofabitch. You make sure this gets back. The number's eight-twelve-Wynarski. And I wanted to get a damn movie, too. If you'll just tell me the title of your rental choice, I'll have him hold it for you. +If you'll just tell me the title of your rental choice, I'll have him hold it for you. Don't hurt yourself. I'm going to Big Choice Video instead. +Be careful. I'm trying. +I'm trying. You know the insides of those are filled with stuff that gives you cancer. +You know the insides of those are filled with stuff that gives you cancer. So I'm told. +So I'm told. I had a friend that used to chew glass for a living. In the circus. +And he got cancer by chewing fluorescent bulb glass...? No, he got hit by a bus. +No, he got hit by a bus. Oh... Can I help you? +Oh... Can I help you? Well, that depends. Do you have a bathroom? +Well, that depends. Do you have a bathroom? Um... yeah, but it's for employees only. +Um... yeah, but it's for employees only. I understand, but can I use it. I'm not that young anymore, so I'm kind of... you know... incontinent. +I understand, but can I use it. I'm not that young anymore, so I'm kind of... you know... incontinent. Uh... sure. Go ahead. It's back through the cooler. +Uh... sure. Go ahead. It's back through the cooler. Thanks son. Say-what kind of toilet paper you got back there? +Thanks son. Say-what kind of toilet paper you got back there? The white kind. +The white kind. I'm not asking about the color. I mean is it rough or cottony? +I'm not asking about the color. I mean is it rough or cottony? Actually, it is kind of rough. +Actually, it is kind of rough. Rough, eh? Oh, that stuff rips hell out of my hemorrhoids. Say, would you mind if I took a roll of the soft stuff back there. I see you sell the soft stuff. +Rough, eh? Oh, that stuff rips hell out of my hemorrhoids. Say, would you mind if I took a roll of the soft stuff back there. I see you sell the soft stuff. Yeah, but... +Yeah, but... Aw, c'mon boy. What's the difference? You said yourself the stuff that's there now is rough. +Aw, c'mon boy. What's the difference? You said yourself the stuff that's there now is rough. Yeah, okay. Go ahead. +Yeah, okay. Go ahead. Thanks son, you're a lifesaver. +Say, young fella, you know I hate to bother you again, but can I take a paper or something back there... to read? It usually takes me a while, and I like to read while it's going on. Jesus... go ahead. +Jesus... go ahead. Thanks, young man. You've got a heart of gold. +You know, you probably could've been home, already, in the time it's taken you to get in there. Can I trouble you for one of those magazines? +Can I trouble you for one of those magazines? I said go ahead. +I said go ahead. No, I mean the ones there. Behind the counter. +The porno mags? Yeah. I like the cartoons. They make me laugh. They draw the biggest titties. +Yeah. I like the cartoons. They make me laugh. They draw the biggest titties. Here. Now leave me alone. +Here. Now leave me alone. Uh, can I have the other one. The one below this one. They show more in that one. +All right, stupid question. But don't you think you're taking this a bit too hard? Too hard?! I don't have enough indignities in my life-people start throwing cigarettes at me! +Too hard?! I don't have enough indignities in my life-people start throwing cigarettes at me! At least they weren't lit. +At least they weren't lit. I hate this fucking place. +I hate this fucking place. Then quit. You should be going to school anyway... +Then quit. You should be going to school anyway... Please, Veronica. Last thing I need is a lecture at this point. +Please, Veronica. Last thing I need is a lecture at this point. All I'm saying is that if you're unhappy you should leave. +All I'm saying is that if you're unhappy you should leave. I'm not even supposed to be here today! +I'm not even supposed to be here today! I know. I stopped by your house and your mom said you left at like six or something. +I know. I stopped by your house and your mom said you left at like six or something. The guy got sick and couldn't come in. +The guy got sick and couldn't come in. Don't you have a hockey game at two? +Don't you have a hockey game at two? Yes! And I'm going to play like shit because I didn't get a good night's sleep! +Yes! And I'm going to play like shit because I didn't get a good night's sleep! Why did you agree to come in then? +Why did you agree to come in then? I'm only here until twelve, then I'm gone. The boss is coming in. +I'm only here until twelve, then I'm gone. The boss is coming in. Why don't you open the shutters and get some sunlight in here? +Why don't you open the shutters and get some sunlight in here? Somebody jammed the locks with gum. +Somebody jammed the locks with gum. You're kidding. +You're kidding. Bunch of savages in this town. +Bunch of savages in this town. You look bushed. What time did you get to bed? +You look bushed. What time did you get to bed? I don't know-like two-thirty, three. +I don't know-like two-thirty, three. What were you doing up so late? +What were you doing up so late? Hunhh? Nothing. +Hunhh? Nothing. What were you doing? +What were you doing? Nothing! Jesus! I gotta fight with you now? +Nothing! Jesus! I gotta fight with you now? Who's fighting? Why are you so defensive? +Who's fighting? Why are you so defensive? Who's defensive? Just... Would you just hug me?! All right? Your boyfriend was accosted by an angry mob, and he needs to be hugged. +What? What is that? She called you, didn't she? +She called you, didn't she? Oh, be real! Would you... Would you please hug me? I just went through a very traumatic experience and I haven't been having the best day so far. Now come on. +How much money did you leave up there? Like three dollars in mixed change and a couple of singles. People only get the paper of coffee this time of morning. +Like three dollars in mixed change and a couple of singles. People only get the paper of coffee this time of morning. You're trusting. +You're trusting. Why do you say that? +Why do you say that? How do you know they're taking the right amount of change? Or even paying for what they take? +How do you know they're taking the right amount of change? Or even paying for what they take? Theoretically, people see money on the counter and nobody around, they think they're being watched. +Theoretically, people see money on the counter and nobody around, they think they're being watched. Honesty through paranoia. Why do you smell like shoe polish? +Honesty through paranoia. Why do you smell like shoe polish? I had to use shoe polish to make that sign. The smell won't come off. +I had to use shoe polish to make that sign. The smell won't come off. Do you think anyone can see us down here? +Do you think anyone can see us down here? Why? You wanna have sex or something? +Why? You wanna have sex or something? Ooh! Can we?! +Ooh! Can we?! Really? +Really? I was kidding. +I was kidding. Yeah, right. You can't get enough of me. +Yeah, right. You can't get enough of me. Typically male point of view. +Typically male point of view. How do you figure? +How do you figure? You show some bedroom proficiency, and you think you're gods. What about what we do for you? +You show some bedroom proficiency, and you think you're gods. What about what we do for you? Women? Women, as lovers, are all basically the same: they just have to be there. +Women? Women, as lovers, are all basically the same: they just have to be there. """Be there?""" +"""Be there?""" Making a male climax is not all that challenging: insert somewhere close and preferably moist; thrust; repeat. +Making a male climax is not all that challenging: insert somewhere close and preferably moist; thrust; repeat. How flattering. +How flattering. Now, making a woman cum... therein lies a challenge. +Now, making a woman cum... therein lies a challenge. Oh, you think so? +Oh, you think so? A girl makes a guy cum, it's standard. A guy makes a girl cum, it's talent. +A girl makes a guy cum, it's standard. A guy makes a girl cum, it's talent. And I actually date you? +And I actually date you? Something wrong? +Something wrong? "I'm insulted. Believe me, Don Juan, it takes more than that to get a guy off. Just ""being there""-as you put it-is not enough." +"I'm insulted. Believe me, Don Juan, it takes more than that to get a guy off. Just ""being there""-as you put it-is not enough." I touched a nerve. +I touched a nerve. I'm astonished to hear you trivialize my role in our sex life. +I'm astonished to hear you trivialize my role in our sex life. It wasn't directed at you. I was making a broad generalization. +It wasn't directed at you. I was making a broad generalization. "You were making a generalization about ""broads!""" +"You were making a generalization about ""broads!""" These are my opinions based on my experiences with the few women who were good enough to sleep with me. +These are my opinions based on my experiences with the few women who were good enough to sleep with me. How many? +How many? How many what? +How many what? How many girls have you slept with? +How many girls have you slept with? How many different girls? Didn't we already have this discussion once? +How many different girls? Didn't we already have this discussion once? We might have; I don't remember. How many? +We might have; I don't remember. How many? Including you? +Including you? It better be up to and including me. +It better be up to and including me. Twelve. +Twelve. You've slept with twelve different girls? +You've slept with twelve different girls? Including you; yes. +What the hell was that for? You're a pig. +You're a pig. Why'd you hit me? +Why'd you hit me? Do you know how many different men I've had sex with? +Do you know how many different men I've had sex with? Do I get to hit you after you tell me? +Do I get to hit you after you tell me? Three. +Three. Three? +Three? Three including you. +Three including you. You've only had sex with three different people? +You've only had sex with three different people? I'm not the pig you are. +I'm not the pig you are. Who? +Who? You! +You! No; who were the three, besides me? +No; who were the three, besides me? John Franson and Rob Stanslyk. +John Franson and Rob Stanslyk. Wow. That's great. That's something to be proud of. +Wow. That's great. That's something to be proud of. I am. And that's why you should feel like a pig. You men make me sick. You'll sleep with anything that says yes. +I am. And that's why you should feel like a pig. You men make me sick. You'll sleep with anything that says yes. Animal, vegetable, or mineral. +Animal, vegetable, or mineral. Vegetable meaning paraplegic. +Vegetable meaning paraplegic. They put up the least amount of struggle. +They put up the least amount of struggle. After dropping a bombshell like that, you owe me. Big. +After dropping a bombshell like that, you owe me. Big. All right. Name it. +All right. Name it. I want you to come with me on Monday. +I want you to come with me on Monday. Where? +Where? To school. There's a seminar about getting back into a scholastic program after a lapse in enrollment. +To school. There's a seminar about getting back into a scholastic program after a lapse in enrollment. Can't we ever have a discussion without that coming up? +Can't we ever have a discussion without that coming up? It's important to me, Dante. You have so much potential that just goes to waste in this pit. I wish you'd go back to school. +It's important to me, Dante. You have so much potential that just goes to waste in this pit. I wish you'd go back to school. Jesus, would you stop? You make my head hurt when you talk about this. +Shit! Why are we getting up? Unlike you, I have a class in forty- five minutes. +Why do you call him that? Sylvan made it up. It's a blow job thing. +Sylvan made it up. It's a blow job thing. What do you mean? +What do you mean? After he gets a blow job, he likes to have the cum spit back into his mouth while kissing. It's called snowballing. +After he gets a blow job, he likes to have the cum spit back into his mouth while kissing. It's called snowballing. He requested this? +He requested this? He gets off on it. +He gets off on it. Sylvan can be talked into anything. +Sylvan can be talked into anything. Why do you say that? +Why do you say that? Like you said-she snowballed him. +Like you said-she snowballed him. Sylvan? No; I snowballed him. +Sylvan? No; I snowballed him. Yeah, right. +Yeah, right. I'm serious... +You sucked that guy's dick? Yeah. How do you think I know he liked... +Yeah. How do you think I know he liked... But... but you said you only had sex with three guys! You never mentioned him! +But... but you said you only had sex with three guys! You never mentioned him! That's because I never had sex with him! +That's because I never had sex with him! You sucked his dick! +You sucked his dick! We went out a few times. We didn't have sex, but we fooled around. +We went out a few times. We didn't have sex, but we fooled around. Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only slept with three guys? +Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only slept with three guys? Because I did only sleep with three guys! That doesn't mean I didn't just go with people. +Because I did only sleep with three guys! That doesn't mean I didn't just go with people. Oh my God-I feel so nauseous... +Oh my God-I feel so nauseous... I'm sorry, Dante. I thought you understood. +I'm sorry, Dante. I thought you understood. I did understand! I understand that you slept with three different guys, and that's all you said. +I did understand! I understand that you slept with three different guys, and that's all you said. Please calm down. +Please calm down. How many? +How many? Dante... +Dante... How many dicks have you sucked?! +How many dicks have you sucked?! Let it go... +Let it go... HOW MANY? +HOW MANY? All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak like this when you told me how many girls you fucked. +All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak like this when you told me how many girls you fucked. This is different. This is important. How many?! +Well...? Something like thirty-six. +Something like thirty-six. WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX? +WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX? Lower your voice! +Lower your voice! "What the hell is that anyway, ""something like thirty-six?"" Does that include me?" +"What the hell is that anyway, ""something like thirty-six?"" Does that include me?" Um. Thirty-seven. +Um. Thirty-seven. I'M THIRTY-SEVEN? +I'M THIRTY-SEVEN? I'm going to class. +I'm going to class. Thirty-seven?! My girlfriend sucked thirty-seven dicks! +Hey! Where are you going?! Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many guys I'd slept with, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about fucking twelve different girls. Well, I never had sex with twelve different guys! +Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many guys I'd slept with, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about fucking twelve different girls. Well, I never had sex with twelve different guys! No, but you sucked enough dick! +No, but you sucked enough dick! Yeah, I went down on a few guys... +Yeah, I went down on a few guys... A few? +A few? ...And one of those guys was you! The last one, I might add, which-if you're too stupid to comprehend- means that I've been faithful to you since we met! All the other guys I went with before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don't look at me like I'm the town whore, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me! +...And one of those guys was you! The last one, I might add, which-if you're too stupid to comprehend- means that I've been faithful to you since we met! All the other guys I went with before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don't look at me like I'm the town whore, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me! Well... why did you have to suck their dicks? Why didn't you just sleep with them, like any decent person?! +Well... why did you have to suck their dicks? Why didn't you just sleep with them, like any decent person?! Because going down it's a big deal! I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him. But I only had sex with the guys I loved. +Because going down it's a big deal! I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him. But I only had sex with the guys I loved. I feel sick. +I feel sick. I love you. Don't feel sick. +I love you. Don't feel sick. Every time I kiss you now I'm going to taste thirty-six other guys. +I'm going to school. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational. Thirty-seven. I just can't... +Thirty-seven. I just can't... Goodbye, Dante. +He still hasn't shown up. Why aren't you in class? Lit 101 got canceled, so I stopped home and brought you some lunch. +Lit 101 got canceled, so I stopped home and brought you some lunch. What is it? +What is it? Peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off. What do you think it is? It's lasagne. +Peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off. What do you think it is? It's lasagne. Really? You're the best. +Really? You're the best. I'm glad you've calmed down a bit. Hi, Randal. +You had to tell him. I had to tell someone. He put it into perspective. +I had to tell someone. He put it into perspective. What did he say? +What did he say? At least he wasn't thirty-six. +At least he wasn't thirty-six. And that made you feel better? +And that made you feel better? And he said most of them are college guys, I've never met or seen. +And he said most of them are college guys, I've never met or seen. The ostrich syndrome: if you don't see it... +The ostrich syndrome: if you don't see it... ...it isn't there. Yes. +...it isn't there. Yes. Thank you for being rational. +Thank you for being rational. Thank you for the lasagne. +Thank you for the lasagne. You couldn't get these shutters open? +You couldn't get these shutters open? I called a locksmith and he said the earliest he could get here it tomorrow. +I called a locksmith and he said the earliest he could get here it tomorrow. Bummer, Well, I've gotta head back for the one-thirty class. +Bummer, Well, I've gotta head back for the one-thirty class. What time do you get finished? +What time do you get finished? Eight. But I have a sorority meeting till nine, so I'll be back before you close. Can we go out and get some coffee? +Eight. But I have a sorority meeting till nine, so I'll be back before you close. Can we go out and get some coffee? Sure. +Sure. Good. I'll see you when you close, then. Enjoy the lasagne. +What the fuck did you do that for? If you didn't want to go out with me anymore, why didn't you just say it? Instead, you pussyfoot around and see that slut behind my back! +If you didn't want to go out with me anymore, why didn't you just say it? Instead, you pussyfoot around and see that slut behind my back! What're you talking about? +What're you talking about? You've been talking to her on the phone for weeks! +You've been talking to her on the phone for weeks! It was only a few times... +It was only a few times... And then you pull that shit this morning, freaking out because I've gone down on a couple guys! +And then you pull that shit this morning, freaking out because I've gone down on a couple guys! A couple...? +A couple...? I'm not the one trying to patch things up with my ex, sneaking around behind your back! And if you think that thirty-seven dicks are a lot, then just wait, mister: I'm going to put the hookers in Times Square to shame with all the guys I go down on now! +I'm not the one trying to patch things up with my ex, sneaking around behind your back! And if you think that thirty-seven dicks are a lot, then just wait, mister: I'm going to put the hookers in Times Square to shame with all the guys I go down on now! Would you let me explain... +Would you let me explain... Explain what? How you were waiting until the time was right, and then you were going to dump me for her? +Explain what? How you were waiting until the time was right, and then you were going to dump me for her? Veronica... I... it's not like that anymore... I mean, it was never really like that... +You're damn right it's not like that! Because I won't let it be like that! You want your slut? Fine! The slut is yours! I don't want Caitlin... +I don't want Caitlin... You don't know what you want, but I'm not going to sit here anymore holding your hand until you figure it out! I've encouraged you to get out of this fucking dump and go back to school, to take charge of your life and find direction. I even transferred so maybe you would be more inclined to go back to college if I was with you. Everyone said it was a stupid move, but I didn't care because I loved you and wanted to see you pull yourself out of this senseless funk you've been in since that whore dumped you, oh so many years ago. And now you want to go back to her so she can fuck you over some more? +You don't know what you want, but I'm not going to sit here anymore holding your hand until you figure it out! I've encouraged you to get out of this fucking dump and go back to school, to take charge of your life and find direction. I even transferred so maybe you would be more inclined to go back to college if I was with you. Everyone said it was a stupid move, but I didn't care because I loved you and wanted to see you pull yourself out of this senseless funk you've been in since that whore dumped you, oh so many years ago. And now you want to go back to her so she can fuck you over some more? I don't want to go back with her... +I don't want to go back with her... Of course not; not now! You're caught, and now you're trying to snake out of doing what you wanted to do. Well, I won't let you. I want you to follow through on this, just so you can find out what a fucking idiot you are. And when she dumps you again- and she will, Dante, I promise you that-when she dumps you again, I want to laugh at you, right in your face, just so you realize that that was what you gave up our relationship for! I'm just glad Randal had the balls to tell me, since you couldn't. +Of course not; not now! You're caught, and now you're trying to snake out of doing what you wanted to do. Well, I won't let you. I want you to follow through on this, just so you can find out what a fucking idiot you are. And when she dumps you again- and she will, Dante, I promise you that-when she dumps you again, I want to laugh at you, right in your face, just so you realize that that was what you gave up our relationship for! I'm just glad Randal had the balls to tell me, since you couldn't. Randal...? +Randal...? And having him tell me... that was just the weakest move ever. You're spineless. +And having him tell me... that was just the weakest move ever. You're spineless. Veronica, I love you... +Veronica, I love you... Fuck you. +You hold the counter and I'll pull. Usually I just turn the can upside down. +Usually I just turn the can upside down. Maybe we should soap your hand or something. +Maybe we should soap your hand or something. They oughta put some kind of warning on these cans, like they do with cigarettes. +They oughta put some kind of warning on these cans, like they do with cigarettes. I think it's coming now... +Thanks. I thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital. I'll throw this out. Precautionary measure. +I'll throw this out. Precautionary measure. It stings a little. +It stings a little. A word of advice: Sometimes it's best to let those hard to reach chips go. +You open? Yes. I'm not out of shape. +Yes. I'm not out of shape. Excuse me, but have you been here all day? +Excuse me, but have you been here all day? What? +Were you working here at about four o'clock? I've been here since six o'clock this morning. Why? +I'm not out of shape! Can I have your name please? +Can I have your name please? Dante Hicks. Why? What is this about? +Here you go. What's this? +What's this? A fine, for five hundred dollars. +A fine, for five hundred dollars. WHAT? +What are you talking about? According to the NJAC-the New Jersey Administrative Code, section eighteen, five, slash twelve point five-a fine of no less than two hundred and fifty dollars is to be leveled against any person reported selling cigarettes to a minor. +According to the NJAC-the New Jersey Administrative Code, section eighteen, five, slash twelve point five-a fine of no less than two hundred and fifty dollars is to be leveled against any person reported selling cigarettes to a minor. I didn't do that! +I didn't do that! You said you were here all day? +You said you were here all day? Yeah, but I didn't sell cigarettes to any kids! +Yeah, but I didn't sell cigarettes to any kids! An angry mother called the state division of taxation and complained that the man working at Quick Stop Convenience sold her five-year-old daughter cigarettes today at around four o'clock. Division of taxation calls the State Board of Health, and they send me down here to issue a fine. You say you were working all day, hence the fine is yours. It's doubled due to the incredibly young age of the child. +An angry mother called the state division of taxation and complained that the man working at Quick Stop Convenience sold her five-year-old daughter cigarettes today at around four o'clock. Division of taxation calls the State Board of Health, and they send me down here to issue a fine. You say you were working all day, hence the fine is yours. It's doubled due to the incredibly young age of the child. But I didn't sell cigarettes to any kid! +I didn't sell cigarettes to any kids! I swear! The due date is on the bottom. This summons cannot be contested in any court of law. Failure to remit before the due date will result in a charge of criminal negligence, and a warrant will be issued for your arrest. Have a nice day. +Oh shit, look who it is. The human vacuum. Scumbag. What are you doing? +Scumbag. What are you doing? Nothing. Just hanging out with Silent Bob and his cousin. +Nothing. Just hanging out with Silent Bob and his cousin. He's your cousin? +He's your cousin? Check this out, he's from Russia. +Check this out, he's from Russia. No way. +No way. I swear to God. Silent Bob, am I lying? +He only speaks Russian? He knows some English, but he can't not speak it good like we do. +No way! Swear. Olaf, metal! +What did he say? I don't know, man. He's a fucking character. +That doesn't sound metal. "You gotta hear him sing. Olaf, ""Berserker!""" +"Did he say ""making fuck?""" Wait, there's more. Olaf: sing... +What part of Russia? I don't fucking know. What am I, his biographer? Olaf, what part of Russia are you from? +Is he staying here? He's moving to the big city next week. He wants to be a metal singer. +He really wants to play metal? "He's got his own band in Moscow. It's called ""Fuck Your Yankee Blue Jeans"" or something like that." +"Come on, man, ""Berserker!""" Does he sing in English or Russian? +Does he sing in English or Russian? "English. Come on, ""Berserker!"" Girls think sexy." +Let me ask you a question: Do you think this guy's out of shape? I don't know. I can't really tell from here. +I don't know. I can't really tell from here. He is. +I think the lady called it. My ex-boyfriend was about his height, but he was much bulkier. He could bench two-fifty, three hundred easy. +My ex-boyfriend was about his height, but he was much bulkier. He could bench two-fifty, three hundred easy. I do about three-fifty, four. +I do about three-fifty, four. No way! +No way! Feel that. +Feel that. That's tight. Solid. +That's tight. Solid. Now feel his. Roll up your sleeve, chief. +It's probably from being around all this food every day. Oh, I know. If I had to work here all day, I'd be bloated and out of shape, too. +You're Dante Hicks? Oh my God! I didn't even recognize you! Because he's out of shape. +To an Asian design major. Shit! Don't take this the wrong way, but I used to fuck her. +Oh my God! You're Rick Derris? Yeah! +Really? Oh yeah. You were the built older guy with the black Trans and the big... +Holy shit! She told you about that! Buddy of mine worked there. Said he watched the whole thing. They used to film people at that hotel; nobody knew about it. She said one time you set up a tent on the beach and you guys did it in the middle of this big rainstorm. +To a five-year-old kid? What a scumbag! That's sick, Dante. +Sure. How about the beach? I like the way you think. +You've never heard anybody say anything about either movie? I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs. +I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs. Well, how about these two movies? +I just held up the same two movies. You're not even paying attention. No, I wasn't. +No, I wasn't. I don't think your manager would appreciate... +I don't think your manager would appreciate... I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am. +I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am. I beg your pardon! +I beg your pardon! Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me. +Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me. I only pointed out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying. +I only pointed out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying. I hope it feels good. +I hope it feels good. You hope what feels good? +You hope what feels good? I hope it feels so good to be right. There is nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there? +Well this is the last time I ever rent here... You'll be missed. +You'll be missed. Screw you! +That's the price, my brother. Yo, I don't have that kind of cash. +Yo, I don't have that kind of cash. For this kind of hash, you need that kind of cash. +For this kind of hash, you need that kind of cash. How long you gonna be here? +How long you gonna be here? Till ten. Then I'm going to John K's party. +Till ten. Then I'm going to John K's party. You're gonna be at John K's party? +You're gonna be at John K's party? My man is deaf. I'M GOING TO JOHN K'S PARTY! Neh. +My man is deaf. I'M GOING TO JOHN K'S PARTY! Neh. Yo, don't sell all that. 'Cause I'm gonna get the cash and buy it from you at John K's. You're gonna bring it, right? +Yo, don't sell all that. 'Cause I'm gonna get the cash and buy it from you at John K's. You're gonna bring it, right? The only place I don't bring my drugs is church. And that ain't till Sunday morning. +The only place I don't bring my drugs is church. And that ain't till Sunday morning. Yo. I'll see you at that party. I'll see you there? +Yo. I'll see you at that party. I'll see you there? I'll see you there. +And... he told you all of this? Pretty much. All except the latent homosexuality part-that's just my theory. +Pretty much. All except the latent homosexuality part-that's just my theory. I... I don't know what to say. +I... I don't know what to say. Don't hold it against him. He just never got Caitlin out of his system. It's not your fault. It's Dante. I don't know thing one about chicks. Do you want to cry or something? I can leave. +Don't hold it against him. He just never got Caitlin out of his system. It's not your fault. It's Dante. I don't know thing one about chicks. Do you want to cry or something? I can leave. I'm not sad. +I'm not sad. You're not? +You're not? No, I'm more furious. I'm pissed off. I feel like he's been killing time while he tries to grow the balls to tell me how he really feels, and then he can't even do it! He has his friend do it for him! +No, I'm more furious. I'm pissed off. I feel like he's been killing time while he tries to grow the balls to tell me how he really feels, and then he can't even do it! He has his friend do it for him! He didn't ask me to... +He didn't ask me to... After all that I've done for that fuck! And he wants to be with that slut? Fine! He can have his slut! +After all that I've done for that fuck! And he wants to be with that slut? Fine! He can have his slut! Um, do you think you can give me a lift home tonight? +Um, do you think you can give me a lift home tonight? I'm going to have a word with that asshole. +The guy ain't here yet. You're kidding. It's almost eleven- thirty! +You're kidding. It's almost eleven- thirty! I know. I've been here since eleven. +I know. I've been here since eleven. Man! I hate it when I can't rent videos! +Man! I hate it when I can't rent videos! I would've went to Big Choice, but the tape I want is right there on the wall. +I would've went to Big Choice, but the tape I want is right there on the wall. Which one? +Which one? Dental School. +Dental School. You came for that too? That's the movie I came for. +You came for that too? That's the movie I came for. I have first dibs. +I have first dibs. Says who? +Says who? Says me. I've been here for half an hour. I'd call that first dibs. +Says me. I've been here for half an hour. I'd call that first dibs. Ain't gonna happen, my friend. I'm getting that tape. +Ain't gonna happen, my friend. I'm getting that tape. Like hell you are! +Like hell you are! I'll bet you twenty bucks you don't get to rent that tape. +I'll bet you twenty bucks you don't get to rent that tape. Twenty bucks? +Twenty bucks? Twenty bucks. +Twenty bucks. All right, asshole, you're on. +Willam! Ronnie! How are you? You work here now? +Ronnie! How are you? You work here now? No, I'm just visiting my man. Dante, this is Willam Black. This is Dante Hicks, my boyfriend. +No, I transferred into Monmouth this year. I was tired of missing him. Do you still talk to Sylvan? +Do you still talk to Sylvan? I just talked to her on Monday. We still hang out on weekends. +I just talked to her on Monday. We still hang out on weekends. That's cool. Well-you two lovebirds take it easy, all right? +That's cool. Well-you two lovebirds take it easy, all right? I will. Take it easy. +I will. Take it easy. Bye. +Bye. Bye That was Snowball. +Gabe! Hey, man! Gabe! It's Gabe! How yo doin', Gabe! +Work! Don't say that word, man. Man, I hate work even when somebody else does it! +Man, I hate work even when somebody else does it! Hey, Gabe, we're flyin' off the Tower today. C'mon with us. +Hey, Gabe, we're flyin' off the Tower today. C'mon with us. C'mon, man--it's perfect weather for a monster, full-fledged gutrush! +Did you catch that thunder? No way, death-breath, that was too intense for thunder. C'mon let's rock an' roll. +"""It's a perfect day for a monster jump."" Hey man, can you like do me a favor?" What? +What? Next time you're like watching MTV, y' know, like flip it to the weather channel for a split second and check it out. I mean, hey, we could be home watching some righteous pornos. +Next time you're like watching MTV, y' know, like flip it to the weather channel for a split second and check it out. I mean, hey, we could be home watching some righteous pornos. That woulda been cool. +That woulda been cool. Exactly, cheesehead, exactly. +Answer the man. Nothing, just tourist souvenirs. +C-4? More bang for the buck. +Ready to die quiet-like, asshole. Hey, let's get something straight. If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, but you're always gonna be the asshole, so just shoot, alright. +Hey, let's get something straight. If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, but you're always gonna be the asshole, so just shoot, alright. Who's shooting? +Did I hear somethin' break? Outside left! Fuck you. +Fuck you. Cursin'. That's a penalty kick for unsportsmanlike conduct, mate. +Hal's signalling he's OK. They're about two hundred yards from the top of the tower, right where that ledge comes out, Gabe. +He said the Tower, but he's on Comb Bluff? Frank, fly me to the west valley, the winds are never too bad there and it's only a half hour climb to the Douglas Shaft. I don't know. +I don't know. If I don't meet up with them, you can come and pick me up by nightfall. +If I don't meet up with them, you can come and pick me up by nightfall. Hal will have my head for this. +And it's such a handsome head. Please Frank, and I swear I'll buy one of your paintings. I admit, I can be bought. +Jessie, Jessie, copy? I copy. +I copy. Jessie, girl this is insane. Weather stat called in wind gusts up to 50 knots for tonight. +Jessie, girl this is insane. Weather stat called in wind gusts up to 50 knots for tonight. If you can't make it back, I'll hold up at the Douglas Shaft. Stop worryin'. You sound like a mother hen. +If you can't make it back, I'll hold up at the Douglas Shaft. Stop worryin'. You sound like a mother hen. Rooster! Forget the hen stuff. Be safe, honey. Over. +Jessie, Hal, come in...please report. Over. Where's the radio? +Hey, Jessie, you're just in time for another masterpiece. So, what do you see? +So, what do you see? Surprise me. +Surprise me. What usually eats a banana? +What usually eats a banana? A monkey? +A monkey? So...what are you, blind, son? This is a banana eating a monkey, nature in reverse. +So...what are you, blind, son? This is a banana eating a monkey, nature in reverse. Y'know, Jessie, doesn't Frank look like a normal guy--but he's not, are you Frank? +That was the first and last question-- now only answers. Where's the chopper? It can't fly in this weather. +It can't fly in this weather. This is where your background in police work comes in handy--ask the questions, Travers. +You know how the airlines are. Bags? +Bags? Suits, underwear, 100 million dollars...the usual stuff. Travers was smart enough to bring along a tracking device. Step into my office. +Looks like the Tower. It's a bad climb. A bad climb, no, just another challenge. What's life without 'em, right, Agent Travers. +Go on, fetch. I need my bolt gun and an ice axe. +Tucker? Qualen, glad you stuck around. There should be a few hundred cops looking to meet you. +Jessie! Are you alright? I want the money--meet me at the highest point from where you are. Don't do it and we're going to see if your angel here can fly. Copy? +I want the money--meet me at the highest point from where you are. Don't do it and we're going to see if your angel here can fly. Copy? Copy. Jessie, go to the top of Bitker ladder. +Copy. Jessie, go to the top of Bitker ladder. Love's a killer, isn't it? +Where are you, Walker? You're getting warmer! +Throw it up or I'll kill her. You do, and the spring thaw is going to be worth a lot of cash! +You do, and the spring thaw is going to be worth a lot of cash! The money! +The money! WHEN SHE'S SAFE! +Glad you could drop in. Hey, anything for a friend. How's the knee? +Hey, anything for a friend. How's the knee? I think it's out. No big deal. It's that old football injury. +I think it's out. No big deal. It's that old football injury. Funny, he told me he twisted it gettin' out of a hot tub. +Funny, he told me he twisted it gettin' out of a hot tub. I love you, too. +I love you, too. Rescue One -- have located helpless climber, please prepare idiot line for transport, over. +Rescue One -- have located helpless climber, please prepare idiot line for transport, over. Wait 'til you get into trouble, just wait. +Remember, keep your arms and legs within the vehicle at all times-- Hey, fuck you. +I'm coming out! No, stay off the line! You'll break her loose! +No, stay off the line! You'll break her loose! The clip's not gonna hold! +She's losing it! Sarah, hold on, he'll have you in a second. Jesus Christ, grab her! +What the hell are you doing here?! I was with Jessie, she filled me in. +I was with Jessie, she filled me in. Now let me fill you in. You can get your ass back down an' go back to that hole you been hiding in-- +Now let me fill you in. You can get your ass back down an' go back to that hole you been hiding in-- When we get this group down, I'm gone. +When we get this group down, I'm gone. You're gone now! I don't climb with people I can't trust. Why'd you come up, to prove something? +You're gone now! I don't climb with people I can't trust. Why'd you come up, to prove something? I'm here for the same reason you are, so let's do it. +I'm here for the same reason you are, so let's do it. Can't pass up another chance to play hero, can you. +Can't pass up another chance to play hero, can you. Look, I know-- +Look, I know-- You don't know anything. You did it your way and she died. +You don't know anything. You did it your way and she died. I did what I thought was right. +I did what I thought was right. Well you were wrong! It was your weight on the line that did it-- +Well you were wrong! It was your weight on the line that did it-- There wasn't time for anything else. +There wasn't time for anything else. We'll never know, will we? +We'll never know, will we? Look, it was a bad time for everybody. +Look, it was a bad time for everybody. What the hell do you know about bad time. You didn't love her, you didn't have to explain to her family. +What the hell do you know about bad time. You didn't love her, you didn't have to explain to her family. And you weren't looking into her eyes when she fell. Now drop it! +No, buddy, it was you who dropped it! If you want, do it. I don't care. +Forget me. If you can, get away. Would you? +Thanks for staying around when you didn't have to. My pleasure. +How's your leg? I'll live. Where'd you leave Jessie? Near Freedom Falls. She went for help. +Near Freedom Falls. She went for help. Hey, about everything that happened with Sarah. I know you did what you could-- +What are we going to do? Give him the money. +I'm going with you. Not on that leg. +Not on that leg. Take the gun. +Take the gun. You keep it. Get up there if you can, and if you get a chance, do me a favor and kill him. +Room service...Hi, Sarah. Hi, Gabe. +How're ya feeling? Fine, I guess... +Fine, I guess... Sarah, we could take off and leave this guy behind... +She's tough. Is it really four thousand? +Sarah, tonight why don't you and Hal come over for dinner? Okay--I don't know about this. +Please, can I think about this for a minute...Okay, I'm sorry, it's fine. What do you want me to do? Just keep lookin' at me and only think about the distance across. Count it as you go: One, two...by eight you'll be there. +Just keep lookin' at me and only think about the distance across. Count it as you go: One, two...by eight you'll be there. Can I count as fast as I like? +Can I count as fast as I like? Sure you can. +Sure you can. I'm sorry for all the trouble... Thank you. +There you go. One... +Two... That's it, you look like a professional. +That's it, you look like a professional. Three... +Four...five... Nice and easy... +Nice and easy... Six... +Please -- oh, no -- please! I'm here! Sarah, I'm here! I'm here--I've got you! +Use your other hand! Grab it! Help me! I don't want to die! +Help me! I don't want to die! You're not gonna die. Grab me with your other hand! +Do you see them yet? Patience my love, patience. +Patience my love, patience. That's a virtue isn't it? +That's a virtue isn't it? Wait, I think I have them sighted. What's the word, Frank? +Gabe? Gabe, where are you? Just hangin' out. +Oh, my God! I can't recognize the face, but the butt does look vaguely familiar. Don't say that. You'll embarrass Frank. +He knows it well. The ledge, I know it well, or should I say we know it well. +The ledge, I know it well, or should I say we know it well. You can stop right there. +You can stop right there. We spent a night there one night... +We spent a night there one night... Enough. +Enough. Yeah, we were caught in a storm. I went up there an innocent climber... +Yeah, we were caught in a storm. I went up there an innocent climber... Oh, please. +And when I came down, my morals were corrupted forever. Don't believe it... You know the trouble with you is you have no brain filter. Everything you think just pours right out. +The winds are picking up. On my way. Alright Sarah, are you ready for the best ride in the park? +Hello, Gabriel. When you call me Gabriel, I know I've got trouble. +When you call me Gabriel, I know I've got trouble. Where've you been? +Where've you been? Working...I'm trying to figure out where to start. +Working...I'm trying to figure out where to start. Maybe I can help. Let's see... if one night I got up and packed up all my things and drove away without leaving so much as a note, and stayed away for months, I think what I'd want to do is come up with a well thought-out reason. +Maybe I can help. Let's see... if one night I got up and packed up all my things and drove away without leaving so much as a note, and stayed away for months, I think what I'd want to do is come up with a well thought-out reason. After the funeral I just had to leave. +After the funeral I just had to leave. Had to leave? Believe me, we all wanted to leave...but you know what? We stayed. +Had to leave? Believe me, we all wanted to leave...but you know what? We stayed. A lot of things fell apart up there. +A lot of things fell apart up there. I know... +I know... I don't think you do. +I don't think you do. Why can't you believe that you did everything you could? +Why can't you believe that you did everything you could? Did I? I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have gone out on that line. Maybe I panicked. +Did I? I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have gone out on that line. Maybe I panicked. I was there, you were the only one who didn't panic. So do everyone a favor, don't hog all the guilt. You held on as long as you could. Yes, everything did go wrong, starting with Hal. I mean, what was he doing up on the Tower with a girl who could barely climb? +I was there, you were the only one who didn't panic. So do everyone a favor, don't hog all the guilt. You held on as long as you could. Yes, everything did go wrong, starting with Hal. I mean, what was he doing up on the Tower with a girl who could barely climb? I can't blame anything on Hal. It was me. I play it back in my mind everyday. +I can't blame anything on Hal. It was me. I play it back in my mind everyday. Then turn it off, Gabe, because it doesn't get any better. +Then turn it off, Gabe, because it doesn't get any better. I don't expect you to understand. +I don't expect you to understand. I don't understand? +I don't understand? You couldn't. +You couldn't. You're saying, I don't understand? I'm the only one who does understand. I'm the one you lived with for two years, I'm the one you made promises to, I'm the one who spent too many nights looking up at these rocks and wondering if you were ever going to make it down in once piece or ever at all. Believe me, there's been times I didn't know what I wanted to do more, love you or hate you. But the one thing in our relationship that I did know and still do know is that I understand you. +You're saying, I don't understand? I'm the only one who does understand. I'm the one you lived with for two years, I'm the one you made promises to, I'm the one who spent too many nights looking up at these rocks and wondering if you were ever going to make it down in once piece or ever at all. Believe me, there's been times I didn't know what I wanted to do more, love you or hate you. But the one thing in our relationship that I did know and still do know is that I understand you. Why are you yelling? +Why are you yelling? Excuse me? +Excuse me? Why are you yelling? +Why are you yelling? Did I miss something? +Did I miss something? Y'know, yelling at this altitude can lead to hyperventilation and fainting-- +Y'know, yelling at this altitude can lead to hyperventilation and fainting-- I'm not going to faint, but if I want to faint, I'll faint, okay? +I'm not going to faint, but if I want to faint, I'll faint, okay? Okay, but if you do I'll have to perform resuscitation-- +Okay, but if you do I'll have to perform resuscitation-- Resuscitation? +Resuscitation? --mouth-to-mouth, which could maybe... +--mouth-to-mouth, which could maybe... Which could maybe what? +Which could maybe what? Maybe lead to a flare up... +Maybe lead to a flare up... A flare up... +A flare up... Flare up of old emotions... +Flare up of old emotions... "Listen to you... The old ""mouth-to-mouth"" resuscitation routine, huh?" +"Listen to you... The old ""mouth-to-mouth"" resuscitation routine, huh?" From one professional to another, of course. +From one professional to another, of course. Course maybe you don't have to wait until I faint. +Course maybe you don't have to wait until I faint. No, I think I will, it's safer. I have patience. +Gabe, did you come back to stay? You didn't. I can't. Not here. If you want, I'd like you to come with me...somewhere else. +I can't. Not here. If you want, I'd like you to come with me...somewhere else. Where? +Where? It doesn't matter, anywhere but here. +It doesn't matter, anywhere but here. You come back after being gone almost a year, and you expect me to just leave... This was our home, now it's my home. I can't leave. You can stay with me, and believe me, I want you to, but to just take off for the wrong reasons, I can't do it. And you shouldn't either. +You come back after being gone almost a year, and you expect me to just leave... This was our home, now it's my home. I can't leave. You can stay with me, and believe me, I want you to, but to just take off for the wrong reasons, I can't do it. And you shouldn't either. Like I said, I can't turn it off. +Like I said, I can't turn it off. And I can't leave. +And I can't leave. If it's alright, I'm gonna pick up the rest of my gear. +If it's alright, I'm gonna pick up the rest of my gear. You know where everything is... I'm late for my shift. +You know where everything is... I'm late for my shift. Jess--you look good. +Thank God you didn't leave. We just got a Mayday. Seven climbers stranded off Comb Bluff. The weather's pouring in fast and Hal's gone up alone. Hal knows what he's doing. +If he gets up there and the weather gets as bad as it can, they'll never make it down. He needs someone who has emergency medical training and knows every handhold on these peaks. He doesn't want my help. +He doesn't want my help. That's not the issue here, those people are. He can't do it alone. +That's not the issue here, those people are. He can't do it alone. He can handle it. +He can handle it. What if he can't? +What if he can't? I haven't climbed in months--you lose the feel. +I haven't climbed in months--you lose the feel. You mean the nerve. +I know you don't want to be responsible for anybody's life anymore, but walk away and you are responsible. Please Gabe, he went up the west ridge. If you go up the south face, you can catch him, no problem-- Can't do it. +Can't do it? I don't believe this. Don't you feel anything? I only came back for you. +Gabe!? What are you doing here!? +What are you doing here!? Looking for Hal. Oh my God, I heard someone kick the door open...you came back. +Looking for Hal. Oh my God, I heard someone kick the door open...you came back. How'd you get up here? +How'd you get up here? Frank dropped me in the west valley and I hiked. You look frozen. What's happening?! +Frank dropped me in the west valley and I hiked. You look frozen. What's happening?! You got to go back now! +You got to go back now! Where's Hal, what's going on? +Before it crashed, they dumped three cases filled with millions. They're using Hal for a bird dog. Once they find the money, Hal's dead. So get on your radio, contact Frank, have him pick you up, then contact the state police, the park police and anything else wearing a badge and tell them to get up here! Do it Jessie. I can't. The radio's at the bottom of the shaft. But Frank'll be looking for me soon. When he gets here I'll contact everybody from the chopper. +I can't. The radio's at the bottom of the shaft. But Frank'll be looking for me soon. When he gets here I'll contact everybody from the chopper. That's no good. It'll be dark soon, there's no other shelter for ten miles. If they show, they'll take you too. Why'd you have to come up here?! +That's no good. It'll be dark soon, there's no other shelter for ten miles. If they show, they'll take you too. Why'd you have to come up here?! For the same reason you did, to help. +For the same reason you did, to help. Yeah, let's go. +Let's be creative. Excuse me? +They've got to find shelter soon, and so do we. How are you holding up? You know me, I'm a night person. +Take off and meet me at Eagle Cave. What about you? +What about you? Don't worry about me, just go. +Man, it costs a fortune to heat this place. I'm glad you find humor in this. Do you know what people would do for that? +I'm glad you find humor in this. Do you know what people would do for that? I can't believe you just said that. +I can't believe you just said that. Neither can I. What do you think they're doing now? +Neither can I. What do you think they're doing now? Making things real rough for Hal. +You still wear the cable necklace I gave you. Call me sentimental. +Call me sentimental. Remember the first time we came up here? +Remember the first time we came up here? Of course I do. +Of course I do. It was great. +It was great. You attacked me. +You attacked me. Can you think of something more romantic than attacked? +Can you think of something more romantic than attacked? Only kidding...actually I attacked you. +Only kidding...actually I attacked you. No, actually it was more like mutual attacking. +Why can't things stay the way they are...everything has to change. What we had was perfect. I don't know. Here, lay down and get some rest. We're going to need it. +Gabe...your arm? Yeah? +Yeah? If you're not using your arm, can I borrow it? +If you're not using your arm, can I borrow it? Sure, just give it back when you're done. +We have to get through to the other side. You up for it? I've gone this far, and right now I think I'm in better shape than you. +I've gone this far, and right now I think I'm in better shape than you. A simple yes or no would have done. +A simple yes or no would have done. Want me to lead? +Want me to lead? Cute. +Nice view, huh? Breathtaking. +What was God thinking when he built this place? If we don't get out of here soon we can ask him in person. +Gabe! Are you alright? No, not really. Throw down a rope. +Can you see light? Up ahead. +Gabe are you alright? For the record, whenever you hear me sliding out of control, I'm never alright. When I secure the line, come on up. +No luck? Next time, date only basketball players. +She's a lyin' bitch!! Get it! +They'll kill him! He has no idea! We gotta get out and fire a flare. It's the only chance! +We might be able to go that way. Forget it. If that charge goes off before we can reach it, this whole damn crevice will slam shut on us. This way. +Pull it apart! What? +What? Start pulling it apart! We're climbing down on it. +Start pulling it apart! We're climbing down on it. This rope is sixty years old! +This rope is sixty years old! These old ropes can hold 900 lbs., each strand 300. I'm 190, you're about 135 -- it just may hold. +These old ropes can hold 900 lbs., each strand 300. I'm 190, you're about 135 -- it just may hold. Never +Never Never, what?! +Never, what?! I've never weighed 135 lbs.! +I've never weighed 135 lbs.! Helluva time for vanity! +Frank! No, Frank! Frank! Jess, c'mon... +Gabe! Hold on! Hold on! Reach up! +Reach up! Do it! Don't let me fall! +Don't let me fall! Do it, goddammit! +Thanks for holding on. We were going together before I ever let go of you. +We were going together before I ever let go of you. I'm holding you to that. Gabe, what about Frank? +I'm holding you to that. Gabe, what about Frank? I don't know. I don't know. +Crockett River is where the last of the money fell. If we go along the northern ridge, we can get there first. +If we go along the northern ridge, we can get there first. "There's no ""we"". There's a me. All I have to do is make it along the north wall to Bitker Ladder. What you're doing is going back down to the station to get help. And don't put on that mad face." +"There's no ""we"". There's a me. All I have to do is make it along the north wall to Bitker Ladder. What you're doing is going back down to the station to get help. And don't put on that mad face." Forget it. You're in no shape to climb alone. I stayed with you this far, and you didn't drop me, so I owe you. C'mon, let's go. Hurry up, time is money. +Forget it. You're in no shape to climb alone. I stayed with you this far, and you didn't drop me, so I owe you. C'mon, let's go. Hurry up, time is money. """Time is money"" -- please." +My heart can't take much more of this. Look, if we climb down from here, it'll take two hours to get back to the station. That's exactly what I want you to do. +That's exactly what I want you to do. What about you? +What do you think? Maybe I could reach the ledge without falling. No, forget it. Oh, good. For a minute I thought you'd lost your mind. +But maybe with a good start I can hit those hand-holds. Hand-holds?! I can barely see them. +Hand-holds?! I can barely see them. We don't have time to argue about it! +We don't have time to argue about it! Are you crazy? Has the altitude shrunk your brain, Gabe? +Are you crazy? Has the altitude shrunk your brain, Gabe? Take the rope. +Take the rope. I won't do it. No way. +I won't do it. No way. Take the rope. +Take the rope. Enough's enough. How could anybody in their right mind... then again, you never were in your right mind. +Enough's enough. How could anybody in their right mind... then again, you never were in your right mind. Wrap it around that rock twice. +Wrap it around that rock twice. I'm going to wrap it around your throat! +I'm going to wrap it around your throat! An' if I miss, dig in and try your best to slow the fall. +An' if I miss, dig in and try your best to slow the fall. Forget it! I refuse! +Forget it! I refuse! Fine, it shouldn't bother your conscience. +Fine, it shouldn't bother your conscience. Don't lay any guilt on me. Suicide's a personal thing, best done alone. +Just kidding. Gabe? Wait 'til I get over there. Tie the rope so I can come across. +Gabe? Wait 'til I get over there. Tie the rope so I can come across. Can't do it. Now go back and get help! +What about you?! RUN, DAMMIT!! +"The ""old mouth to mouth"" resuscitation routine." There's a lot more where that came from. You're not leaving again? +There's a lot more where that came from. You're not leaving again? And miss all of this peace and quiet? Never, right Hal? +Look here, the mountain man. You're Walker, right? Good memory. You must be great with numbers. +Good memory. You must be great with numbers. Your mouth's writing a check your ass can't cash, but if ya wanna buy some life, bring me the money. +Your mouth's writing a check your ass can't cash, but if ya wanna buy some life, bring me the money. I burned it. +I burned it. What the fuck you mean you burned it? +What the fuck you mean you burned it? Never could save a thing. +Never could save a thing. Now you get burned. +Where's the helicopter? What the hell's going on? +The faster you find the bags, the bigger you boys' finder's fee will be. Right, all the bullets we can eat. +He'll freeze. Ryan, get a rope, I want the man on a leash, too. +What's he doing? The best he can since you gave him nothing. +Talk. No tricks, no codes, no messages. You haven't found us. It was a fake call. Jessie, I reached the top of the Tower. So far, no sign of anyone. Looks like a phoney call. Over. +Mr. Travers is not the athletic type, he needs something more direct. The only faster way up is the East Face and it's smooth as glass. Maybe a dozen guys in the world could do it in good weather, only a psycho would try it in a storm. +Souvenirs? No, wrong answer. Looks like your friend plans on hanging around, that possible? No, he's gone. +No, he's gone. No, he's close, and he's using our money to keep you alive. Nobody's worth that much on the open market. Except you, the loyal one. Didn't I tell you to warm the place up? +It's up there, on the Tower. How far? +For Christ's sake, they're kids. We're not animals, but don't force us to be. Walk over. +You son of a bitch! You said you wouldn't kill him! Sue me. +Murdering, motherfucker... Kill a few people, they call you a murderer. When you kill millions, you're called a conqueror. Go figure. Move on Tucker, time is short. +You said there was a way across. There is. +He never hurt anybody. I'm touched. Kristel, check the chopper, let's go. +Travers, you're not running things. When he finds the money, you're as dead as me. +Tucker, you know where the money is-- I want it. Qualen, go fuck yourself. The game's over--you lost. +Qualen, go fuck yourself. The game's over--you lost. No, the goddamn game's not over! It's never over when you're playing against a team that doesn't care if they win or lose-- how do you negotiate with someone like that?! +No, the goddamn game's not over! It's never over when you're playing against a team that doesn't care if they win or lose-- how do you negotiate with someone like that?! What are you talking about? +Yeah... Anyone else following? +What's your names? Tucker and Walker. +Tucker and Walker. Tucker and Walker, we've lost three bags. +Have her come up. The down drafts would wipe her out. It's the only chopper. If it goes, you got no ride out. +On top of the peak. It looks like a winding route. +He asked you, how far?! I think you've been taking the scenic route. How far from here? Half a day. +Then where the fuck is! There. You blind? +Rescue One -- please be advised Ranger Walker is making advances toward my girlfriend that are liable to get his ass kicked right into space, over. Copy. Hal, tell Gabe he only makes advances to me or else he'll be walking down four thousand feet, and sleeping outside. +Go after her. Hold on, baby, he'll get you. +Got to be Comb Bluff. Acknowledge. Winds are too strong to get a chopper up there, Are you near any natural shelter? Over. +You and Frank get the tents, thermal clothing, and medical supplies together. Who's going with you? +Who's going with you? You're looking at him. +You're looking at him. Where's the rest of the team? +Where's the rest of the team? Bob and Rick are in Denver. I gotta get up there as fast as possible. Frank, get me a load of flares. +You gotta be kidding me! Do you want me to fly up after you? Over. Negative. The winds are too high. I'm going to ride out the storm here. I'll take shelter in the Douglas Exhibition Shaft. Over and out. +Oh, my God! Climb, Gabe, climb! +Right. Then it's a deal. +I don't know about totally. Who the hell ever is. This is the most protected shipment we've got-- and the most useless. These bills aren't even in circulation; the one thousand dollar bills we're transporting are only used for international banking exchange. +Who the hell ever is. This is the most protected shipment we've got-- and the most useless. These bills aren't even in circulation; the one thousand dollar bills we're transporting are only used for international banking exchange. Do you always transport through the air? +What the hell are you doing-- Now I have jurisdiction! I said get your weapons. +Now I have jurisdiction! I said get your weapons. These are highly trained agents overreacting without just cause. +Calm down...give the gun to me. You're out of control, son. What the hell are you waiting for, goddammit! Don't you see what he's doing! He's hijacking the shipment! +Travers! Hurry it up. On my way. The cases are hooked up and ready. +Why didn't you send the money over? Somehow I didn't think you'd wait for me if I'd sent it first. +What's the delay? Let's move your ass in there!! +Kill me? Christ we're partners in this! Were. Give me the tracking monitor! +Were. Give me the tracking monitor! Why? What are you going to do?! +Why? What are you going to do?! The monitor! I never ask twice. +Don't use my name! Ask the questions. +Ask the questions. You're both with the mountain rescue team? +Where's the third one, Travers? There, what's that place? +Get off my back, Qualen! I haven't even got on it yet. Let's go, time to fetch. +Don't give him anything. We agree on something. And for insurance, take his coat. +I don't trust him. Kill him when he gets down. +Bring down the money or your friend's dead! We can't and he knows it. +Man against nature, right Travers. What about it? +What about it? Down there you buy a life, up here you earn it or die. How's your health? +This way. Then go fetch. +He's alive! He can't be far away. Find him. Go! +Jessie? Looks like your friend found company. We're down to a few hours before the whole world shows up here. Where's the next one? +Good, Travers. It might catch on, like shooting skeet. You dumb bastard, you waited too long. If he made it back, this place would have been covered with police in a few hours. The way we're moving, it's going to be anyway. +This is insane. The hell with the money. You radio in for that chopper, understand! Hey, you dealt us this hand, we're playing it all the way. Move. +Is it set? Primed to go off right over his head, officer. +Why the hell are we wasting time here?! Insurance against him finding that last case ahead of us. +What's the code, Travers? I told you, 50,000 possible keycode combinations, in fifteen second intervals. +I told you, 50,000 possible keycode combinations, in fifteen second intervals. Give me the fucking code! +You got what we need? No, that son-of-a-bitch Walker is alive. +No, that son-of-a-bitch Walker is alive. No names, this is an open line! +No names, this is an open line! I don't give a shit, Qualen! I had to be insane to ever tie up with a low-life, piece of shit like you. They beat us. A couple of fuckin' hick mountain boys beat the man no law agency ever could. +I don't give a shit, Qualen! I had to be insane to ever tie up with a low-life, piece of shit like you. They beat us. A couple of fuckin' hick mountain boys beat the man no law agency ever could. Get off the radio! +Rich... Good morning, Walt. +Good morning, Walt. I'd like to have a word with you. This is Agent Matheson, FBI. +I'd like to have a word with you. This is Agent Matheson, FBI. Richard Travers. +Richard Travers. Matheson has been transferred from the Denver office to Frisco. As a professional courtesy between offices, I was asked if he could hitch a ride. +Matheson has been transferred from the Denver office to Frisco. As a professional courtesy between offices, I was asked if he could hitch a ride. We've got a full crew, but we can squeeze one more, right. +We've got a full crew, but we can squeeze one more, right. Appreciate it. +Appreciate it. You're the boss. Let's head out to the tarmac. Matheson, have you been totally briefed? +Mostly. Armored cars can be hijacked. Trains can be derailed. But nobody can get to us in flight. I haven't lost a bill in eighteen years, don't jinx me, Walt. +I haven't lost a bill in eighteen years, don't jinx me, Walt. I think Treasury personnel are the most superstitious people in the federal government. +I think Treasury personnel are the most superstitious people in the federal government. We should be. Everybody wants what we have. +Hello Lucy, had a busy night? Puts money in machine. We've been working hard too. Takes glass. +We've been working hard too. Takes glass. Pardon me. Luce. He raises glass to breast, pulls red handle between her legs. Milk spurts into glass. Dim joins the others. Alex looks at a party of tourists. +Pardon me. Luce. He raises glass to breast, pulls red handle between her legs. Milk spurts into glass. Dim joins the others. Alex looks at a party of tourists. There was some sophistos from the TV studios around the corner, laughing an govoreeting. The Devotchka was smecking away, and not caring about the wicked world one bit. Then the disc on the stereo twanged off and out, and in the short silence before the next one came on, she suddenly came with a burst of singing, and it was like for a moment, O my brothers, some great bird had flown into the milkbar and I felt all the malenky little hairs on my plott standing endwise, athe shivers crawling up like slow malenky lizards and then down again. Because I knew what she sang. It was a bit from the glorious 9th, by Ludwig van. Dim makes a lip-trump followed by a dog howl, followed by two fingers pronging twice in the air, followed by a clowny guffaw. Alex brings his stick down smartly on Dim's legs. +There was some sophistos from the TV studios around the corner, laughing an govoreeting. The Devotchka was smecking away, and not caring about the wicked world one bit. Then the disc on the stereo twanged off and out, and in the short silence before the next one came on, she suddenly came with a burst of singing, and it was like for a moment, O my brothers, some great bird had flown into the milkbar and I felt all the malenky little hairs on my plott standing endwise, athe shivers crawling up like slow malenky lizards and then down again. Because I knew what she sang. It was a bit from the glorious 9th, by Ludwig van. Dim makes a lip-trump followed by a dog howl, followed by two fingers pronging twice in the air, followed by a clowny guffaw. Alex brings his stick down smartly on Dim's legs. What did you do that for? +What did you do that for? For being a bastard with no manners and not a dook of an idea how to comport yourself publicwise, O my Brother. +For being a bastard with no manners and not a dook of an idea how to comport yourself publicwise, O my Brother. I don't like you should do what you done. And I'm not your brother no more and wouldn't want to be. +I don't like you should do what you done. And I'm not your brother no more and wouldn't want to be. Watch that... Do watch that, O Dim, if to continue to be on live thou dost wish. +Watch that... Do watch that, O Dim, if to continue to be on live thou dost wish. Yarbles, great bolshy yarblockos to you I'll meet you with chain, or nozh or britva, any time, not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. It stands to reason, I won't have it. +Yarbles, great bolshy yarblockos to you I'll meet you with chain, or nozh or britva, any time, not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. It stands to reason, I won't have it. A nozh scrap any time you say. Dim weakens. +A nozh scrap any time you say. Dim weakens. Doobidoob... a bit tired maybe, everybody is. A long night for growing malchicks... best not to say more. Bedways is rigthways now, so best we go homeways and get a bit of spatchka. Right, right. +He are here! He have arrived! Hooray! Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit? Georgie rises. +Sorry about the pain. Using the gulliver to much like, eh? Giving orders and disciplining and that perhaps, eh? You sure the pain's gone? You sure you'll not be happier back up in bed. Lets get things nice and sparkling clear. This sarcasm, if I may call it such, does not become you, O my brothers. As I am your droog and leader, I am entitled to know what goes on, eh? Now then, Dim, what does that great big horsy gape of a grin portend? +One minoota, droogie. Dim smashes Alex in the face with a full milk bottle. He goes down. The others run away, laughing. You bastards... bastards. +Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, if it isn't little Alex. Long time no viddy, droog. How goes? Surprised are you? Impossible... I don't believe it. +Come on, Alex. Come for walkies. Hahahahaha. Come, come, my little droogies. I just don't get this at all. The old days are dead and gone. For what I did in the past I've been punished. +Come, come, my little droogies. I just don't get this at all. The old days are dead and gone. For what I did in the past I've been punished. Been punished, yeah? +Been punished, yeah? I've been cured. +I've been cured. Been cured, yeah, that was read out to us. The Inspector read all that out to us. He said it was a very good way. +Been cured, yeah, that was read out to us. The Inspector read all that out to us. He said it was a very good way. I just don't get this all. It was them that went for me, brothers. You're not on their side and can't be. You can't be Dim. It was someone we fillied with back in the old days... Trying to get his own malenky bit of revenge after all this time. You remember, Dim? +I just don't get this all. It was them that went for me, brothers. You're not on their side and can't be. You can't be Dim. It was someone we fillied with back in the old days... Trying to get his own malenky bit of revenge after all this time. You remember, Dim? Long time, is right. I don't remember them days too horrorshow. Don't call me Dim no more, either. Officer, call me. +Dear, dear, dear. Whatever happened to you, my boy? Mr. Alexander, now confined to a wheelchair, pushes himself away from his desk, and rolls up to Julian. The water drips off Alex's clothes. They look at each other. The police... The horrible ghastly Police. They beat me up, sir. The Police beat me up, sir. Mr. Alexander stares at him. It becomes apparent he is insane. +The police... The horrible ghastly Police. They beat me up, sir. The Police beat me up, sir. Mr. Alexander stares at him. It becomes apparent he is insane. I know who you are! Isn't it your picture in the newspapers? Didn't I see you this morning on the video? Are you not the poor victim of this horrible new technique? +I know who you are! Isn't it your picture in the newspapers? Didn't I see you this morning on the video? Are you not the poor victim of this horrible new technique? Yes, sir, that's exactly who I am, sir... and what I am... a victim, sir. Mr. Alexander becomes frenzied as the speech progresses. +Yes, sir, that's exactly who I am, sir... and what I am... a victim, sir. Mr. Alexander becomes frenzied as the speech progresses. Then, by God, you have been sent here by providence. Tortured in prison, then thrown out to be tortured by the Police. My heart goes out to you, poor, poor boy. Oh, you are not the first to come here in distress. The Police are fond of bringing their victims to the outskirts of this village. But it is providential that you, who are also another kind of victim, should come here. But you're cold and shivering. Julian, draw a bath for this young man. +Good evening, sir. Good evening. +Good evening. It was very kind of you to leave this out for me, sir. There was no-one around when I finished my bath, so I started. I hope that's alright, sir. +It was very kind of you to leave this out for me, sir. There was no-one around when I finished my bath, so I started. I hope that's alright, sir. Of course. Food alright? +Of course. Food alright? Great, sir. Great. +Great, sir. Great. Try the wine! +Try the wine! Thank you very much, sir. Cheers Suddenly the thought occurs to Alex that the wine may be drugged or poisoned. +Thank you very much, sir. Cheers Suddenly the thought occurs to Alex that the wine may be drugged or poisoned. Won't you join me, sir? +Won't you join me, sir? No, my health doesn't allow it. +No, my health doesn't allow it. And you, sir? +I'm so pleased you appreciate good wine. Have another glass! Thank you, sir. +Thank you, sir. My wife... Alex freezes. +My wife... Alex freezes. ... used to do everything for me and leave me to my writing. +... used to do everything for me and leave me to my writing. Your wife, sir? Has she gone away? +Your wife, sir? Has she gone away? No. She's dead! +No. She's dead! I'm sorry to hear about that, sir. His face contorted in rage. +I'm sorry to hear about that, sir. His face contorted in rage. She was very badly raped, you see. We were assaulted by a gang of vicious young hooligans in this house, in this very room you're sitting in now. I was left a helpless cripple. The doctors said it was Pneumonia, because it happened some months later during the 'flu epidemic. The doctors told me it was Pneumonia, but I knew what it was. A victim of the modern age, poor, poor girl. Suddenly his mood changes. He wheels right up to Alex. +She was very badly raped, you see. We were assaulted by a gang of vicious young hooligans in this house, in this very room you're sitting in now. I was left a helpless cripple. The doctors said it was Pneumonia, because it happened some months later during the 'flu epidemic. The doctors told me it was Pneumonia, but I knew what it was. A victim of the modern age, poor, poor girl. Suddenly his mood changes. He wheels right up to Alex. And now you, another victim of the modern age. But you can be helped. I phoned some friends while you were having a bath. +And now you, another victim of the modern age. But you can be helped. I phoned some friends while you were having a bath. Phoned some friends, sir? +Phoned some friends, sir? Yes. They want to help. +Yes. They want to help. Help me, sir? +Help me, sir? Help you. +Help you. Who are they, sir? +Who are they, sir? They're very, very important people and they're interested in you. Bell rings. Julian rises, +They're very, very important people and they're interested in you. Bell rings. Julian rises, Julian. This will be these people now. Alex gets up. +Julian. This will be these people now. Alex gets up. Look, sir. I'm sorry to have troubled you. I think I ought to be going, sir. Julian bars the way. +Look, sir. I'm sorry to have troubled you. I think I ought to be going, sir. Julian bars the way. No, no my boy. No trouble at all. Alex slowly sits. +Excuse me, missus, can you please help? There's been a terrible accident. Can I please use your telephone for an ambulance? I'm frightfully sorry. There is a telephone in the Public House about a mile down the road. I suggest you use that. +I'm frightfully sorry. There is a telephone in the Public House about a mile down the road. I suggest you use that. But, missus, this is an emergency. It's a matter of life and death. Me friend's lying in the middle of the road bleeding to death. +But, missus, this is an emergency. It's a matter of life and death. Me friend's lying in the middle of the road bleeding to death. I... I'm very sorry, but I never open. I'm very sorry but I never open the door to strangers after dark. +I... I'm very sorry, but I never open. I'm very sorry but I never open the door to strangers after dark. Very well, madam. I suppose you can't be blamed for being suspicious with so many scoundrels and rouges of the night about. Alex walks away from door, then ducks into the bushes where the others are hiding. They put on their maskies and follow Alex round to the rear of the house. +Hi, hi, hi there, at last we meet. What the bloody hell d'you think you're doing? +What the bloody hell d'you think you're doing? Our brief govereet thru the letter hole was not, shall we say, satisfactory, yes? +Our brief govereet thru the letter hole was not, shall we say, satisfactory, yes? Now listen here, you little bastard, just you turn around and walk out of here the same way as you came in. Alex eyes a giant white, fibreglass phallic sculpture on the table beside him. +Now listen here, you little bastard, just you turn around and walk out of here the same way as you came in. Alex eyes a giant white, fibreglass phallic sculpture on the table beside him. Naughty, naughty, naughty, you filthy old soomaka. +Naughty, naughty, naughty, you filthy old soomaka. No! No! Don't touch it. That's a very important work of art. What the bloody hell do you want? +No! No! Don't touch it. That's a very important work of art. What the bloody hell do you want? You see, madam, I am part of an international student's contest to see who can get the most points for selling magazines. +You see, madam, I am part of an international student's contest to see who can get the most points for selling magazines. Cut the shit, sonny, and get out of here before you get yourself in some very serious trouble. He rocks the giant phallus which has a special weight swinging inside causing it to swing up and down an eccentric motion. +So this is the young man? How do you do, sir? +How do you do, sir? Hullo. +Hullo. Missus. Very pleased to meet you. +Very kind of you, sir. Thank you very much. I understand that you had a rather unfortunate encounter with the Police tonight. +I understand that you had a rather unfortunate encounter with the Police tonight. Yes, sir. I suppose you might call it that, sir. +Yes, sir. I suppose you might call it that, sir. Hahaha, and how are you feeling now? +Hahaha, and how are you feeling now? Much better, thank you, sir. +Much better, thank you, sir. Feel like talking to us. Answering a few questions? +Feel like talking to us. Answering a few questions? Fine, sir, fine. +Fine, sir, fine. Well, as I've said, we've heard about you. We are interested in your case. We want to help you. +Well, as I've said, we've heard about you. We are interested in your case. We want to help you. Thank you very much, sir. +Thank you very much, sir. But first we'd like to find out a few things about you. +But first we'd like to find out a few things about you. What would you like to know, sir? +What would you like to know, sir? Well, shall we get down to it? +Well, shall we get down to it? Yes, sir. Rubinstein takes out a notebook. +It's past eight, Alex, you don't want to be late for school, son. Bit of pain in the gulliver, Mum. Leave us be and I'll try to sleep it off... then I'll be as right as dodgers for this after. +Bit of pain in the gulliver, Mum. Leave us be and I'll try to sleep it off... then I'll be as right as dodgers for this after. You've not been to school all week, son. +You've not been to school all week, son. I've got to rest, Mum... got to get fit, otherwise I'm liable to miss a lot more school. +I've got to rest, Mum... got to get fit, otherwise I'm liable to miss a lot more school. Eeee... I'll put your breakfast in the oven. I've got to be off myself now. +Eeee... I'll put your breakfast in the oven. I've got to be off myself now. Alright, Mum... have a nice day at the factory. +Hi. Hi. Hi, there my Pee and Em. All three look up startled. Alex. +Alex. Hullo love, how are you? Nice to see you, Dad. +Why didn't you let us know what was happening, son? Sorry, Em, I wanted it to be like... a big surprise for you and pee. +Ah, Alex boy, awake at last, yes? I met your mother on the way to work, yes? She gave me the key. She said something about a pain somewhere... hence not at school , yes? A rather intolerable pain in the head, brother, sir. I think it should be clear by this afterlunch. +A rather intolerable pain in the head, brother, sir. I think it should be clear by this afterlunch. Oh, or certainly by this evening, yes? The evening's a great time, isn't it, Alex boy? +Oh, or certainly by this evening, yes? The evening's a great time, isn't it, Alex boy? A cup of the old chai, sir? +A cup of the old chai, sir? No time, no time, yes. Sit, sit, sit. Alex sits next to him. +No time, no time, yes. Sit, sit, sit. Alex sits next to him. "To what do I owe this extreme pleasure, sir? Anything wrong, sir? Deltoid ""playfully"" grabs Alex's hair." +"To what do I owe this extreme pleasure, sir? Anything wrong, sir? Deltoid ""playfully"" grabs Alex's hair." Wrong? Why should you think of anything being wrong, have you been doing something you shouldn't. Yes? He shakes Alex's hair. +Wrong? Why should you think of anything being wrong, have you been doing something you shouldn't. Yes? He shakes Alex's hair. Just a manner of speech, sir. +Just a manner of speech, sir. Well, yes, it's just a manner of speech from your Post Corrective Advisor to you that you watch out, little Alex. He puts his arm round Alex's shoulder. +Well, yes, it's just a manner of speech from your Post Corrective Advisor to you that you watch out, little Alex. He puts his arm round Alex's shoulder. Because next time it's going to be the barry place and all my work ruined. If you've no respect for your horrible self, you at least might have some for me who'se sweated over you. He slaps Alex on the knee. +Because next time it's going to be the barry place and all my work ruined. If you've no respect for your horrible self, you at least might have some for me who'se sweated over you. He slaps Alex on the knee. A big black mark I tell you for every one we don't reclaim. A confession of failure for every one of you who ends up in the stripy hole. +A big black mark I tell you for every one we don't reclaim. A confession of failure for every one of you who ends up in the stripy hole. I've been doing nothing I shouldn't, sir. The millicents have nothing on me, brother, sir, I mean. Deltoid pulls Alex down on the bed. +I've been doing nothing I shouldn't, sir. The millicents have nothing on me, brother, sir, I mean. Deltoid pulls Alex down on the bed. Cut out all this clever talk about milicents. Just because the Police haven't picked you up lately doesn't, as you very well know, mean that you've not been up to some nastiness. There was a bit of a nastiness last night, yes. Some very extreme nastiness, yes. A few of a certain Billyboy's friends were ambluenced off late last night, yes. Your name was mentioned, the word's got thru to me by the usual channels. Certain friends of yours were named also. Oh, nobody can prove anything about anybody as usual, but I'm warning you, little Alex, being a good friend to you as always, the one man in this sore and sick community who wants to save you from yourself. Deltoid makes a grab for Alex's joint but finds his hand instead. Alex laughs. Derisively and rises. Deltoid distractedly reaches for a glass of water on the night table, and fails to notice a set of false teeth soaking in them. He drinks from the glass. The clink of the teeth sounding like ice-cubes. +Cut out all this clever talk about milicents. Just because the Police haven't picked you up lately doesn't, as you very well know, mean that you've not been up to some nastiness. There was a bit of a nastiness last night, yes. Some very extreme nastiness, yes. A few of a certain Billyboy's friends were ambluenced off late last night, yes. Your name was mentioned, the word's got thru to me by the usual channels. Certain friends of yours were named also. Oh, nobody can prove anything about anybody as usual, but I'm warning you, little Alex, being a good friend to you as always, the one man in this sore and sick community who wants to save you from yourself. Deltoid makes a grab for Alex's joint but finds his hand instead. Alex laughs. Derisively and rises. Deltoid distractedly reaches for a glass of water on the night table, and fails to notice a set of false teeth soaking in them. He drinks from the glass. The clink of the teeth sounding like ice-cubes. What gets into you all? We study the problem. We've been studying it for damn well near a century, yes, but we get no further with our studies. You've got a good home here, good loving parents, you've got not too bad of a brain. Is it some devil that crawls inside of you? +What gets into you all? We study the problem. We've been studying it for damn well near a century, yes, but we get no further with our studies. You've got a good home here, good loving parents, you've got not too bad of a brain. Is it some devil that crawls inside of you? Nobody's got anything on me, brother, sir. I've been out of the rookers of the milicents for a long time now. +Nobody's got anything on me, brother, sir. I've been out of the rookers of the milicents for a long time now. That's just worries me. A bit too long to long to be reasonable. You're about due now by my reckoning, that's why I'm warning you, little Alex, to keep your handsome young proboscis out of the dirt. Do I make myself clear? +That's just worries me. A bit too long to long to be reasonable. You're about due now by my reckoning, that's why I'm warning you, little Alex, to keep your handsome young proboscis out of the dirt. Do I make myself clear? As an unmuddied lake, sir. Clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, sir. Deltoid drinks again but this time sees the teeth in the glass. He groans and retches. +You are now a murderer, little Alex. A murderer, yes. Not true, sir. It was only a slight tolchock. She was breathing, I swear it. +Not true, sir. It was only a slight tolchock. She was breathing, I swear it. I've just come back from the hospital. Your victim has died. +I've just come back from the hospital. Your victim has died. You try to frighten me, sir, admit so, sir. This is some new form of torture. Say it, brother, sir. +You try to frighten me, sir, admit so, sir. This is some new form of torture. Say it, brother, sir. It will be your own torture. I hope to God it will torture you to madness. +The newspapers mentioned that in addition to your being conditioned against acts of sex and violence, you've inadvertently been conditioned against music. Well, er, I think that was something that they hadn't planned for, you see, Missus, I'm very fond of music and always have been, especially Beethoven, Ludwig van... Beethoven. B... E... E... He leans over and looks at her writing in notebook. +Well, er, I think that was something that they hadn't planned for, you see, Missus, I'm very fond of music and always have been, especially Beethoven, Ludwig van... Beethoven. B... E... E... He leans over and looks at her writing in notebook. It's alright, thank you. +It's alright, thank you. And it just so happened that while they were showing me a particularly bad film, of like a concentration camp, the background music was playing Beethoven. +And it just so happened that while they were showing me a particularly bad film, of like a concentration camp, the background music was playing Beethoven. So now you have the same reaction to music as you do to sex and violence? +So now you have the same reaction to music as you do to sex and violence? Oh well, it's... it's not all music you see, Missus. It's just the 9th. +Oh well, it's... it's not all music you see, Missus. It's just the 9th. You mean Beethoven's 9th Symphony? +You mean Beethoven's 9th Symphony? That's right. Er... I can't listen to the 9th any more at all. When I hear the 9th, I get like this funny feeling. +That's right. Er... I can't listen to the 9th any more at all. When I hear the 9th, I get like this funny feeling. When you say this funny feeling, you mean the state of mind brought on by the treatment they gave you? +When you say this funny feeling, you mean the state of mind brought on by the treatment they gave you? That is correct, sir. And then all I can think about is like trying to snuff it. +That is correct, sir. And then all I can think about is like trying to snuff it. I beg your pardon? +I beg your pardon? Snuff it, sir... um... death, I mean, missus... Er... I just want to die peacefully like with no... pain. +Snuff it, sir... um... death, I mean, missus... Er... I just want to die peacefully like with no... pain. Do you feel that way now? +Do you feel that way now? Um... oh no, sir, not exactly, I still feel very miserable, very much down in spirits. +Um... oh no, sir, not exactly, I still feel very miserable, very much down in spirits. Do you still feel suicidal? +Do you still feel suicidal? Um... well, put it this way... I feel very low in myself. I can't see much in the future, and I feel that any second something terrible is going to happen to me. He pitches forward, face into the plate of spaghetti. +Um... well, put it this way... I feel very low in myself. I can't see much in the future, and I feel that any second something terrible is going to happen to me. He pitches forward, face into the plate of spaghetti. Well done, Frank. Julian, get the car, will you please? +We got worried. There we were waiting and drinking away at the old knify Moloko and you had not turned up and we thought you might have been like offended by something or other, so around we come to your abode. Appy polly loggies. I had something of a pain in the gulliver so had to sleep. I was not awakened when I gave orders for awakening. +All right, no more picking on Dim, brother. That's part of the new way. New way? What's this about a new way? There's been some very large talk behind my sleeping back, and no error. Let me hear more. +New way? What's this about a new way? There's been some very large talk behind my sleeping back, and no error. Let me hear more. Well, we go round shop crasting and the like, coming out with a pitiful rookerful of money each. +And what will you do with the big, big, money? Have you not everything you need? If you need a motor-car, you pluck it from the trees. If you need pretty polly, you take it. Brother, you think and talk sometimes like a little child. Tonight we pull a mansize crast. +Brother, you think and talk sometimes like a little child. Tonight we pull a mansize crast. Good. Real horrorshow. Initiative comes to them as waits. I've taught you much, my little droogies. Now tell me what you have in mind, Georgie Boy. +Good. Real horrorshow. Initiative comes to them as waits. I've taught you much, my little droogies. Now tell me what you have in mind, Georgie Boy. Oh, the old moloko-plus first, would you not say +Not tonight - not this nochy. Come, come, come, Georgie Boy. You're a big strong chelloveck like us all. We're not little children, are we, Georgie Boy? What, then, didst thou in thy mind have? Confrontation. Georgie backs down. +Come, come, come, Georgie Boy. You're a big strong chelloveck like us all. We're not little children, are we, Georgie Boy? What, then, didst thou in thy mind have? Confrontation. Georgie backs down. It's this Health Farm. A bit out of the town. Isolated. It's owned by this like very rich ptitsa who lives there with her cats. The place is shut down for a week and she's completely on her own, and it's full up with like gold and silver and like jewels. +It's this Health Farm. A bit out of the town. Isolated. It's owned by this like very rich ptitsa who lives there with her cats. The place is shut down for a week and she's completely on her own, and it's full up with like gold and silver and like jewels. Tell me more, Georgie Boy. +Who said that? I did, sir. +I did, sir. What crime did you commit. +What crime did you commit. The accidental killing of a person, sir. +Thank you very much for this chance, sir. Let's hope you make the most of it, my boy. +She came towards me with the light like it was the like light of heavenly grace, and the first thing that flashed into my gulliver was that I would like to have her right down there on the floor with the old in-out, real savage. But quick as a shot came the sickness, like a detective that had been watching around the corner and now followed to make his arrest. Alex retching. Minister rises. Thank you very much. Thank you my dear. Girl bows and exits to loud applause. +Thank you very much. Thank you my dear. Girl bows and exits to loud applause. Not feeling too bad now are you? +Not feeling too bad now are you? No, sir, I feel really great. +No, sir, I feel really great. Good. +Good. Was I alright, sir? Did I do well, sir? +Was I alright, sir? Did I do well, sir? Fine. Absolutely fine. You see, Ladies and Gentlemen our subject is, you see, impelled towards good by paradoxically being impelled toward evil. The intention to act violently is accompanied by strong feelings of physical distress. To counter these, the subject has to switch to a diametrically opposed attitude. Any questions? Priest rises and moves to Alex. +Good evening, my boy. Hi, hi, hi there, my little droogies. +Yes, sir, and a very lovely place it is too, sir, when I wake up in the middle of the night with my pain. Yes... well good to see you on the mend. I've kept in constant touch with the hospital, of course, and now I've come to see you personally to see how you're getting along. +Yes... well good to see you on the mend. I've kept in constant touch with the hospital, of course, and now I've come to see you personally to see how you're getting along. I've suffered the tortures of the damned. The tortures of the damned, sir. +I've suffered the tortures of the damned. The tortures of the damned, sir. Yes I can... Oh look, let me do that for you, shall I? +Yes I can... Oh look, let me do that for you, shall I? Thank you, sir. +Thank you, sir. I can tell you that I... and the Government of which I am a member are deeply sorry about this, my boy. Deeply sorry. We tried to help you. We followed recommendations had been made to us that turned out to be wrong. An enquiry will place the responsibility where it belongs. We want you to regard us as friends. We've put you right, you're the best of treatments. We never wished you harm, but there are some that did and do, and I think you know who those are. There are certain people who wanted to use you for political ends. People who would have been glad to have you dead because then they would have been able to blame it all on the Government. I think you know who those are. There is also a certain man - a writer of subversive literature - who has been howling for your blood. He's been mad with desire to stick a knife into you, but you're safe from him now, we've put him away. He found out that you had done wrong to him - at least he believed you had done wrong. He had formed this idea in his head that you h +I can tell you that I... and the Government of which I am a member are deeply sorry about this, my boy. Deeply sorry. We tried to help you. We followed recommendations had been made to us that turned out to be wrong. An enquiry will place the responsibility where it belongs. We want you to regard us as friends. We've put you right, you're the best of treatments. We never wished you harm, but there are some that did and do, and I think you know who those are. There are certain people who wanted to use you for political ends. People who would have been glad to have you dead because then they would have been able to blame it all on the Government. I think you know who those are. There is also a certain man - a writer of subversive literature - who has been howling for your blood. He's been mad with desire to stick a knife into you, but you're safe from him now, we've put him away. He found out that you had done wrong to him - at least he believed you had done wrong. He had formed this idea in his head that you h Where is he now, sir? +Where is he now, sir? We put him away where he can do you no harm. You see we are looking after your interests. We are interested in you, and when you leave here you will have no further worries. We shall see to everything... a good job on a good salary. +We put him away where he can do you no harm. You see we are looking after your interests. We are interested in you, and when you leave here you will have no further worries. We shall see to everything... a good job on a good salary. What job and how much? +What job and how much? You must have an interesting job at a salary which you would regard as adequate. Not only for the job which you are going to do and in compensation for what you believe you have suffered, but also because you are helping us. +You must have an interesting job at a salary which you would regard as adequate. Not only for the job which you are going to do and in compensation for what you believe you have suffered, but also because you are helping us. Helping you, sir? +Helping you, sir? We always help our friends, don't we? It is no secret that the Government has lost a lot of popularity because of you, my boy. There are some that think that at the next election we shall be out. The press has chosen to take a very unfavourable view of what we tried to do. +We always help our friends, don't we? It is no secret that the Government has lost a lot of popularity because of you, my boy. There are some that think that at the next election we shall be out. The press has chosen to take a very unfavourable view of what we tried to do. Well, who can blame them, sir? +Well, who can blame them, sir? Mmmm, possibly. Yes. But public opinion has a way of changing and you, Alex, if I may call you, Alex? +Mmmm, possibly. Yes. But public opinion has a way of changing and you, Alex, if I may call you, Alex? Certainly, sir. What do they call you at home? +Certainly, sir. What do they call you at home? My name is Frederick. As I was saying, Alex, you can be instrumental in changing the public verdict. Do you understand, Alex? Have I made myself clear? +My name is Frederick. As I was saying, Alex, you can be instrumental in changing the public verdict. Do you understand, Alex? Have I made myself clear? As an unmuddied lake, Fred. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, Fred. +As an unmuddied lake, Fred. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, Fred. Good... good boy. Oh yes, I understand you're fond of music. I have arranged a little surprise for you. +Good... good boy. Oh yes, I understand you're fond of music. I have arranged a little surprise for you. Surprise? +Surprise? One I think you will like... as a, how shall I put it, as a symbol of our new understanding. An understanding between two friends. +One I think you will like... as a, how shall I put it, as a symbol of our new understanding. An understanding between two friends. Thank you, Fred. Thank you. Minister turns and signals. Door opens and a crowd of cameramen and reporters rush in. Aides push two 6-foot loudspeakers and a Hi-Fi on a trolley. +Hullo lad. What a surprise, good to see you. Keeping fit then? +Keeping fit then? Fine, fine. +Fine, fine. Well, how are you then? +Well, how are you then? Oh fine, fi. Keeping out of trouble, you know. +Oh fine, fi. Keeping out of trouble, you know. Well - I'm back. +Well - I'm back. Aye. Glad to see you back, lad. +That's right, Dad they did a great job on my gulliver, I'm completely reformed. Aye. +Aye. Well, still the same old place then, eh? +Well, still the same old place then, eh? Oh, aye, aye. +Oh, aye, aye. Hey, Dad, there's a strange fella sitting on the sofa there munchy- wunching lomticks of toast. +Hey, Dad, there's a strange fella sitting on the sofa there munchy- wunching lomticks of toast. Aye, that's Joe. He... ummmm, lives here now. The lodger. That's what he is... he... he rents your room. Alex confronts Joe. +Aye, that's Joe. He... ummmm, lives here now. The lodger. That's what he is... he... he rents your room. Alex confronts Joe. How do you do, Joe? Find the room comfortable, do you? No complaints? +No thanks, Mum. It'll pass in a minute... ... What have you done with all my own personal things? Well. That was all took away, son, by the Police. New regulation about compensation for the victim. +Well. That was all took away, son, by the Police. New regulation about compensation for the victim. What about Basil? Where's my snake? +What about Basil? Where's my snake? Oh well, he met with like an accident. He passed away. Alex becomes a bit weepy. +Oh well, he met with like an accident. He passed away. Alex becomes a bit weepy. What's gonna happen to me then? I mean that's my room he's in - there's no denying that. This is my home also. What suggestions have you, my Pee and Em, to make? +What's gonna happen to me then? I mean that's my room he's in - there's no denying that. This is my home also. What suggestions have you, my Pee and Em, to make? Well, all this needs thinking about, son. I mean we can't very well just kick Joe out... Not just like that, can we? I mean Joe is here doing a job. A contract it is, two years. Well, we made like an arrangement, didn't we Joe? You see, son, Joe's paid next month's rent already so, well, whatever we do in the future, we cant just say to Joe to get out, now can we? +What gives, O my Pee and Em, what makes you think you are welcome? Em sobs. Pee comforts her. There, there mother, it's alright. He doesn't mean it. You were in the papers again, son. It said they had done great wrong to you. It said how the Government drove you to try and do yourself in... and when you think about it, son... maybe it was our fault too in a way... your home's your home when it's all said and done, son. Em sobs. +Hello, heap of dirt. Pooh, you don't wash much do you, judging by the horrible smell. Why do you say that, brother? I had a shower this morning. +Why do you say that, brother? I had a shower this morning. Oh, he had a shower this morning. You trying to call me a liar? +Oh, he had a shower this morning. You trying to call me a liar? No, brother. What d'you want? +No, brother. What d'you want? What do I want? +What do I want? Sorry, brother. I didn't mean any offence. +Sorry, brother. I didn't mean any offence. Oh. Oh, you're sorry are you, well you must think I'm awfully stupid. He slaps Alex in the face. +Oh. Oh, you're sorry are you, well you must think I'm awfully stupid. He slaps Alex in the face. Why did you do that, brother? I've never done wrong to you. +Why did you do that, brother? I've never done wrong to you. You want to know why I did that, well you see - I do that... He stamps on Alex's foot. +You want to know why I did that, well you see - I do that... He stamps on Alex's foot. ... and this... He pulls Alex's nose. +... and this... He pulls Alex's nose. ... and that... He pulls Alex's ear, pushes him off balance and plants his foot on his chest. +... and that... He pulls Alex's ear, pushes him off balance and plants his foot on his chest. ... because I don't like you horrible type, do I, and if you want to start something... if you want to start... go on... well, you just start. Please do. Alex retching. +... because I don't like you horrible type, do I, and if you want to start something... if you want to start... go on... well, you just start. Please do. Alex retching. I'm gonna be sick. +I'm gonna be sick. You're gonna be sick are you? +You're gonna be sick are you? I wanna be sick. +I wanna be sick. You wanna be sick? +You wanna be sick? Let me get up. +Let me get up. You wanna get up? Well, you've gotta you see... well I want you to lick it. Go on... Lick it. Alex, gagging and coughing, licks the sole of his shoe. +You wanna get up? Well, you've gotta you see... well I want you to lick it. Go on... Lick it. Alex, gagging and coughing, licks the sole of his shoe. ... And again... Go on!!! Again! There's a good boy. +... And again... Go on!!! Again! There's a good boy. And, O my brothers, would you believe your faithful friend and long suffering narrator pushed out his red yahzik a mile and a half to lick the grahzny, vonny boots. The horrible killing sickness had wooshed up and turned the like joy of battle into a feeling I was going to snuff it. Minister rises. +You are now in H.M. Prison Parkmoor and from this moment you will address all prison officers as sir! Name? Alexander de Large, sir. +Alexander de Large, sir. Crime? +Crime? Murder, sir. +Murder, sir. Right. Take the cuffs off him, Mister. The cuffs are removed. +Yes, sir. Then your toes belong on the other side of it!!! +Then your toes belong on the other side of it!!! Yes sir. +Yes sir. Right carry on. Alex tosses a bar of chocolate on the desk. +Right carry on. Alex tosses a bar of chocolate on the desk. Pick that up and put it down properly. Alex does so, and continues to empty his pockets. +Pick that up and put it down properly. Alex does so, and continues to empty his pockets. "One half bar of chocolate. One bunch of keys on white metal ring. One packet of cigarettes. Two plastic ball pens - one black, one red. One pocket comb - black plastic. One address book - imitation red leather. One ten penny piece. One white metal wristlet watch, ""Timawrist"" on a white metal expanding bracelet. Anything else in your pockets?" +"One half bar of chocolate. One bunch of keys on white metal ring. One packet of cigarettes. Two plastic ball pens - one black, one red. One pocket comb - black plastic. One address book - imitation red leather. One ten penny piece. One white metal wristlet watch, ""Timawrist"" on a white metal expanding bracelet. Anything else in your pockets?" No, sir. +No, sir. Right. Sign here for your valuable property. Alex signs. +Right. Sign here for your valuable property. Alex signs. The chocolate and cigarettes you brought in - you lose that as you are now convicted. Now go over to the table and get undressed. Alex walks to table and undresses. Chief Guard moves to table with his clipboard. +The chocolate and cigarettes you brought in - you lose that as you are now convicted. Now go over to the table and get undressed. Alex walks to table and undresses. Chief Guard moves to table with his clipboard. Now then, were you in Police custody this morning? +Now then, were you in Police custody this morning? No, sir. +Religion? C of E, sir. +C of E, sir. Do you mean Church of England? +Do you mean Church of England? Yes, sir, Church of England, sir. +Yes, sir, Church of England, sir. Brown hair, is it? +Brown hair, is it? Fair hair, sir. +Fair hair, sir. Blue eyes? +Blue eyes? Blue eyes, yes, sir. +Blue eyes, yes, sir. Do you wear eye glasses or contact lenses? +Do you wear eye glasses or contact lenses? No, sir. +Have you ever had any mental illness? No, sir. +No, sir. Do you wear any false teeth or false limbs? +Do you wear any false teeth or false limbs? No, sir. +Are you an Epileptic? No, sir. +No, sir. Right. The mothballs, Mister. +No, sir. Crabs? +Crabs? No, sir. +No, sir. Lice? +Lice? No, sir. +No, sir. Through there for a bath. +Through there for a bath. Yes, sir. +You're absolutely right, sir. Shut your bleedin' hole!!! +The next morning I was taken to the Ludovico Medical Facility, outside the town centre, and I felt a malenky bit sad having to say goodbye to the old Staja, as you always will when you leave a place you've like gotten used to. Chief Guard briskly leads the way for Alex and escort. They move into reception hall where the Doctor stands. Right. Halt the prisoner. Good morning, sir, I'm Chief Officer Barnes. I've got 655321 on a transfer from Parkmoor to the Ludovico Centre, sir! +Good morning, Alex, my name is Dr. Branom. I'm Doctor Brodsky's assistant. Good Morning, Missus. Lovely day, isn't it? +Good Morning, Missus. Lovely day, isn't it? Indeed it is. May I take this She removes his tray. +Indeed it is. May I take this She removes his tray. How're you feeling this morning? +How're you feeling this morning? Fine... fine. +Fine... fine. Good. In a few minutes, you'll meeting Dr. Brodsky and we'll begin your treatment. You're a very lucky boy to have been chosen. +Good. In a few minutes, you'll meeting Dr. Brodsky and we'll begin your treatment. You're a very lucky boy to have been chosen. I realise all that, Missus, and I'm very grateful to all concerned. +I realise all that, Missus, and I'm very grateful to all concerned. We're going to friends now, sir. +We're going to friends now, sir. I hope so, Missus. She inserts a needle into the medicine vial. +I hope so, Missus. She inserts a needle into the medicine vial. What's the hypo for then? Going to send me to sleep? +What's the hypo for then? Going to send me to sleep? Oh no, nothing of the sort. +Oh no, nothing of the sort. Vitamins will it be then? +Vitamins will it be then? Something like that. You are a little undernourished, so after each meal were going to give you a shot. Roll over on your right side please, loosen your pyjama pants and pull them half-way down. He does, somewhat reluctantly. She gives him a shot in the bum. +Something like that. You are a little undernourished, so after each meal were going to give you a shot. Roll over on your right side please, loosen your pyjama pants and pull them half-way down. He does, somewhat reluctantly. She gives him a shot in the bum. What exactly is the treatment here going to be then? +What exactly is the treatment here going to be then? It's quite simple really. Were just going to show you some films. +It's quite simple really. Were just going to show you some films. You mean like going to the pictures? +You mean like going to the pictures? Something like that. +Something like that. Well, that's good. I like to viddy the old films now and again. +Well, that was a very promising start. By my calculations, you should be starting to feel alright again. Yes? Dr. Brodsky's pleased with you. Now tomorrow there'll be two sessions, of course, morning and afternoon. You mean, I have to viddy two sessions in one day? +You mean, I have to viddy two sessions in one day? I imagine you'll be feeling a little bit limp by the end of the day. But we have to be hard on you. You have to be cured. +I imagine you'll be feeling a little bit limp by the end of the day. But we have to be hard on you. You have to be cured. But it was horrible. +But it was horrible. Well, of course, it was horrible. Violence is a very horrible thing. That's what you're learning now. Your body is learning it. +Well, of course, it was horrible. Violence is a very horrible thing. That's what you're learning now. Your body is learning it. I just don't understand about feeling sick the way I did. I never used to feel sick before. I used to feel like the very opposite. I mean, doing it or watching it, I used to feel real horrorshow. I just don't understand why, how what. +I just don't understand about feeling sick the way I did. I never used to feel sick before. I used to feel like the very opposite. I mean, doing it or watching it, I used to feel real horrorshow. I just don't understand why, how what. You felt ill this afternoon because you're getting better. You see, when we're healthy we respond to the presence of the hateful with fear and nausea. You're becoming healthy that's all. By this time tomorrow you'll be healthier still. +Are you referring to the background score? Yes!!! +Yes!!! You've heard Beethoven before? +You've heard Beethoven before? Yes!!! +How are you feeling today? Fine. Fine. +Fine. Fine. Good. I'm doctor Taylor. +Good. I'm doctor Taylor. I haven't seen you before. +I haven't seen you before. I'm your Psychiatrist. +I'm your Psychiatrist. Psychiatrist? Huh, do I need one? +Psychiatrist? Huh, do I need one? Just part of hospital routine. +Just part of hospital routine. What are we going to do? Talk about me sex life? +What are we going to do? Talk about me sex life? No... I'm going to show you some slides and you are going to tell me what you think about them Alright? +No... I'm going to show you some slides and you are going to tell me what you think about them Alright? Ohhh... jolly good. Perhaps you can explain me something to me first. +Ohhh... jolly good. Perhaps you can explain me something to me first. Yes? +Yes? Well, when I was all like ashamed up and half awake and unconscious like, I kept having this dream like all these doctors were playing around with me gulliver. You know... like the inside of me brain. I seemed to have this dream over and over again. D'you think it means anything? +Well, when I was all like ashamed up and half awake and unconscious like, I kept having this dream like all these doctors were playing around with me gulliver. You know... like the inside of me brain. I seemed to have this dream over and over again. D'you think it means anything? Patients who've sustained the kind of injuries you have often have dreams of this sort. It's all part of the recovery process. +Patients who've sustained the kind of injuries you have often have dreams of this sort. It's all part of the recovery process. Oh. +Oh. Now then, each of these slides needs a reply from one of the people in the picture. You'll tell me what you think the person would say. Alright? +Now then, each of these slides needs a reply from one of the people in the picture. You'll tell me what you think the person would say. Alright? Righty, right. The doctor reads aloud the dialogue printed in the cartoon balloon - a peacock. +Righty, right. The doctor reads aloud the dialogue printed in the cartoon balloon - a peacock. Isn't the plumage beautiful? +Isn't the plumage beautiful? I just say what the other person would say? +I just say what the other person would say? Yes. Yes, well don't think about it too long, just say the first thing that pops into your mind. +Yes. Yes, well don't think about it too long, just say the first thing that pops into your mind. Right... Knickers... Cabbages... It doesn't have a beak. Alex laughs. Slide of woman speaking to boy. +Right... Knickers... Cabbages... It doesn't have a beak. Alex laughs. Slide of woman speaking to boy. Good. The boy you always quarrelled with is seriously ill. +Good. The boy you always quarrelled with is seriously ill. That's right and I'll smash your face for you, yarblockos. Slide of watch shop. +That's right and I'll smash your face for you, yarblockos. Slide of watch shop. Good. It wa your fault... you sold me a crummy watch. I want my money back. +Good. It wa your fault... you sold me a crummy watch. I want my money back. Bollocks. You know what you can do with that watch? You can stick it up your arse. Slide of nude woman in bed, a man at the window. +Bollocks. You know what you can do with that watch? You can stick it up your arse. Slide of nude woman in bed, a man at the window. Good. What do you want? +Good. What do you want? Excuse me, missus. No time for the old in-out, I've just come to read the meter. Slide of bird's nest with eggs. +Excuse me, missus. No time for the old in-out, I've just come to read the meter. Slide of bird's nest with eggs. Good. You can do whatever you like with these. +Good. You can do whatever you like with these. Eggiwegs. I would like to smash 'em. Pick up th elot and f... owww... He slams his hand down and cries out with pain. +Eggiwegs. I would like to smash 'em. Pick up th elot and f... owww... He slams his hand down and cries out with pain. Fucking hell... +Fucking hell... Fine. Well, that's all there is to it. Are you alright? +Fine. Well, that's all there is to it. Are you alright? I hope so. Is that the end then? +I hope so. Is that the end then? Yes. +Yes. I was quite enjoying that. +I was quite enjoying that. Good. I'm glad +Good. I'm glad How many did I get right? +How many did I get right? It's not that kind of a test. But you seem well on the way to a complete recovery. +It's not that kind of a test. But you seem well on the way to a complete recovery. And when do I get out of here then? +And when do I get out of here then? I'm sure it won't be long now. +Very soon now the drug will cause the subject to experience a death- like paralysis together with deep feelings of terror and helplessness. One of our earlier test subjects described it as being like death, a sense of stifling and drowning, and it is during this period we have found the subject will make his most rewarding associations between his catastrophic experience and environment and the violence he sees. Alex retching violently and struggling against his strait jacket. Let me be sick... I want to get up. Get me something to be sick in... Stop the film... Please stop it... I can't stand it any more. Stop it please... please. +What's all this about sin? That!... Using Ludwig van like that! He did no harm to anyone. Beethoven just wrote music. +You're keen on music? Yes!!! +You needn't take it any further, sir. You've proved to me that all this ultra-violence and killing is wrong and terribly wrong. I've learned my lesson, sir. I see now what I've never seen before I'm cured, praise Bog! You're not cured yet, my boy. +You're not cured yet, my boy. You must take your chance boy. The choice has been all yours. +You must take your chance boy. The choice has been all yours. But, Sir... Missus... I see that it's wrong! It's wrong because it's like against like society. It's wrong because everybody has the right to live and be happy without being tolchocked and knifed. +But, Sir... Missus... I see that it's wrong! It's wrong because it's like against like society. It's wrong because everybody has the right to live and be happy without being tolchocked and knifed. No, no, boy. You really must leave it to us, but be cheerful about it. In less than a fortnight now, you'll be a free man. +One thing I could never stand is to see a filthy, dirty old drunkie, howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blerp, blerp in between as it might be a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, whatever his age might be, but more especially when he was real old like this one was. The boys stop and applaud him. Can you... can you spare some cutter, me brothers? Alex rams his stick into the Tramp's stomach. The boys laugh. +Can you... can you spare some cutter, me brothers? Alex rams his stick into the Tramp's stomach. The boys laugh. Oh-hhh!!! Go on, do me in you bastard cowards. I don't want to live anyway, not in a stinking world like this. +Oh-hhh!!! Go on, do me in you bastard cowards. I don't want to live anyway, not in a stinking world like this. Oh - and what's so stinking about it? +Oh - and what's so stinking about it? It's a stinking world because there's no law and order any more. It's a stinking world because it lets the young get onto the old like you done. It's no world for an old man any more. What sort of a world is it at all? Men on the moon and men spinning around the earth and there's not no attention paid to earthly law and order no more. The Tramp starts singing again. +Can you spare me some cutter, me brother? Can you spare some cutter, me brother? Alex, without looking at him, reaches in his pocket and gives him some money. Oh, thankyou, your honour. The Tramp takes a second look at Alex. +Oh, thankyou, your honour. The Tramp takes a second look at Alex. Jamey Mack! Be the hokey fly! Holy Mother of God! All the Holy Angels and blessed saints in Heaven preserve us. Alex breaks away but the Tramp toddles alongside him. +Jamey Mack! Be the hokey fly! Holy Mother of God! All the Holy Angels and blessed saints in Heaven preserve us. Alex breaks away but the Tramp toddles alongside him. I never forget a face! I never forget any face, be God! +I never forget a face! I never forget any face, be God! Leave me alone, brother. I've never seen you before. Tramp shouts to other Meths drinkers and Tramps. +Leave me alone, brother. I've never seen you before. Tramp shouts to other Meths drinkers and Tramps. This is the poisonous young swine that near done me in. Him and his friends beat me and kicked me and thumped me. Alex breaks away again. +This is the poisonous young swine that near done me in. Him and his friends beat me and kicked me and thumped me. Alex breaks away again. Stop him! Stop him! A leg is stuck out and Alex goes down. The tramp swarm all over him. +Stop him! Stop him! A leg is stuck out and Alex goes down. The tramp swarm all over him. They laughed at me blood and me moans. This murderous young pig is a prize specimen of the cowardly brutal young. He is in our midst and at our mercy. Give it to him. That's it. Old Tramps begin to beat at Alex. +They laughed at me blood and me moans. This murderous young pig is a prize specimen of the cowardly brutal young. He is in our midst and at our mercy. Give it to him. That's it. Old Tramps begin to beat at Alex. Then there was like a sea of dirty, smelly old men trying to get at your humble Narrator, with their feeble rookers and horny old claws. It was Old Age having a go at Youth and I daren't do a single solitary thing, O my brothers, it being better to be hit at like that, than want to be sick and feel that horrible pain. The Tramp crowd round Alex, shouting. +If thou lose hope being weary in the days of distress, thy strength shall be diminished. Fine, my boy, fine, fine. +Fine, my boy, fine, fine. Father, I have tried, have I not? +Father, I have tried, have I not? You have, my son. +You have, my son. I've done my best, have I not? +I've done my best, have I not? Indeed. +Indeed. And, Father, I've never been guilty of any institutional infractions, have I? +And, Father, I've never been guilty of any institutional infractions, have I? You certainly have not, 655321. You've been very helpful, and you've shown a genuine desire to reform. +You certainly have not, 655321. You've been very helpful, and you've shown a genuine desire to reform. Father - may I ask you a question in private? +Father - may I ask you a question in private? Certainly, my son, certainly. Is there something troubling you, my son? Don't be shy to speak up. Remember, I know all the urges that can trouble young men deprived of the society of women. +Certainly, my son, certainly. Is there something troubling you, my son? Don't be shy to speak up. Remember, I know all the urges that can trouble young men deprived of the society of women. No Father. It's nothing like that, Father. It's about this new thing they're all talking about. About this new treatment that you out of prison in no time at all and makes sure you never get back in again. +No Father. It's nothing like that, Father. It's about this new thing they're all talking about. About this new treatment that you out of prison in no time at all and makes sure you never get back in again. Where did you hear about this? Whose been talking about these things? +Where did you hear about this? Whose been talking about these things? These things get around, Father. Two Warders talk as it might be, and somebody can't help overhearing what they say. Then somebody picks up a scrap of newspaper in the workshops and the newspaper tells all about it. How about putting me in for this new treatment, Father? +These things get around, Father. Two Warders talk as it might be, and somebody can't help overhearing what they say. Then somebody picks up a scrap of newspaper in the workshops and the newspaper tells all about it. How about putting me in for this new treatment, Father? I take it you are referring to the Ludovico Technique? +I take it you are referring to the Ludovico Technique? I don't know what it's called, Father, all I know is that it gets you out quickly and makes sure that you never get in again. +I don't know what it's called, Father, all I know is that it gets you out quickly and makes sure that you never get in again. That's not proven, 655321. In fact, it is only in the experimental stage at this moment. +That's not proven, 655321. In fact, it is only in the experimental stage at this moment. But it is being used, isn't it, Father? +But it is being used, isn't it, Father? It has not been used yet in this prison. The Governor has grave doubts about it and I have heard that there are very serious dangers involved. +It has not been used yet in this prison. The Governor has grave doubts about it and I have heard that there are very serious dangers involved. I don't care about the danger, Father. I just want to be good. I want for the rest of my life to be one act of goodness. +I don't care about the danger, Father. I just want to be good. I want for the rest of my life to be one act of goodness. The question is weather or not this technique really makes a man good. Goodness comes from within. Goodness is chosen. When a man cannot chose, he ceases to be a man. +The question is weather or not this technique really makes a man good. Goodness comes from within. Goodness is chosen. When a man cannot chose, he ceases to be a man. I don't understand about the whys and wherefores, Father. I only know I want to be good. +I don't understand about the whys and wherefores, Father. I only know I want to be good. Be patient, my son, and put your trust in the Lord. +Be patient, my son, and put your trust in the Lord. Instruct thy son and he shall refresh thee and shall give delight to thy soul. +Instruct thy son and he shall refresh thee and shall give delight to thy soul. Amen. They cross themselves. +One jacket - blue pinstripe. Prison custody? +One shirt - blue, collar attached. Have you been receiving medical treatment for any serious illness? +One pair of trousers - blue pinstriped. Have you ever had any attacks of fainting or dizziness? +One pair of underpants - white with blue waistband. Are you now, or ever have been, a homosexual? +Mothballs, sir. Now then. Face the wall. Bend over and touch your toes. Chief Guard inspects Alex's anus with a penlight. +Very good, Chief. They inspect cells. Leave to carry on, sir, please? +Leave to carry on, sir, please? Carry on, Chief. +Carry on, Chief. Sir. +Sir, 655321, sir. Very good, Chief. Chief Guard turns to Alex. +Very good, Chief. Chief Guard turns to Alex. Forward to the white line, toes behind it. Full name and number to the Governor. Chief Guard closes door. +Shut your filthy hole, you scum!!! You are to be reformed. Tomorrow you go to this man, Brodsky. You wbe leaving here. You will be transferred to the Ludovico Medical Facility. It is believed that you will be able to leave State custody in a little over a fortnight. I suppose that prospect pleases you? +You are to be reformed. Tomorrow you go to this man, Brodsky. You wbe leaving here. You will be transferred to the Ludovico Medical Facility. It is believed that you will be able to leave State custody in a little over a fortnight. I suppose that prospect pleases you? Answer when the Governor asks you a question you filthy young swine! +Don't read it - sign it! "It says that you are willing to have the residue of your sentence commuted to the Ludovico treatment. Alex signs. Governor gathers up papers. Alex dots the last ""i"" and smiles." +Pitiful rookerful... And there's Will the English in the Muscleman coffee mesto saying he can fence anything that anything that any malchick tries to crast. +And there's Will the English in the Muscleman coffee mesto saying he can fence anything that anything that any malchick tries to crast. Yeah... Pete the English. +Yeah... Pete the English. The shiny stuff. The Ice. The big, big, big money is available's what Will the English says. +The shiny stuff. The Ice. The big, big, big money is available's what Will the English says. Big, big money. +Moloko-plus. Something to sharpen us up, you especially. We have the start. +Enough is remembered though, little Alex. Dim and Georgie laugh. They drag Alex to a low water through. This is to make sure you stay cured. Georgie hits Alex in the stomach with his blackjack. Then, they push his head under the water and methodically start to beat him with their blackjacks. After a full minute of this, they drag him out, halt-drowned, +Yes, I heard. D'you know what time he got in last night? No I don't know, luv, I'd taken my sleepers. +No I don't know, luv, I'd taken my sleepers. I wonder where exactly is it he goes to work of evenings. +I wonder where exactly is it he goes to work of evenings. Well, like he says, it's mostly odd things he does, helping like... here and there, as it might be. +Well, it's a surprise all right, a bit bewildering too. We've only just read about it in the morning papers. +We've only just read about it in the morning papers. Aye. You should have let us know, lad, not that we're not very pleased to see you again. All cured too, eh? +Well, what's the matter lad, are you feeling alright? Dad... It's the treatment. More retching. +D'you think we should do something? Would you like me to make you a nice cup of tea, son? +Hullo, son, how are you? Are you feeling better? +How many to a cell? Four in this block, sir. +Four in this block, sir. Cram criminals together and what do you get - concentrated criminality... crime in the midst of punishment. +Cram criminals together and what do you get - concentrated criminality... crime in the midst of punishment. I agree, sir. What we need are larger prisons. More money. +I agree, sir. What we need are larger prisons. More money. Not a chance, my dear fellow. The Ggovernment can't be concerned any longer with outmoded penological theories. Soon we may be needing all of out prison space for political offenders. Common criminals like these are best dealt with on a purely curative basis. Kill the criminal reflex that's all. Full implementation in a year's time. Punishment means nothing to them, you can see that... they enjoy their so-called punishment. Alex seizes his chance as they pass by. +Well, fine... we could still look at C-Block. No, no, no. That's enough. He's perfect. I want his records sent to me. This vicious young hoodlum will be transformed out of all recognition. +Shall we go to my office? Thank you. +Hi ya' doin'? Where to? Park Avenue and East 2nd. Take Centre to Canal, up the Bowery, Cooper and Third, left on 41st, come around on Park. +I'll take Sixth. It's faster. What? +What? Sixth is faster. +Sixth is faster. Sixth is a parking lot north of 23rd this time of day. +Sixth is a parking lot north of 23rd this time of day. The Bowery, you gotta deal with runoff from two bridges. +The Bowery, you gotta deal with runoff from two bridges. Sixth, you got delivery trucks blocking traffic at Herald Square. Look, I make this trip all the time. +Sixth, you got delivery trucks blocking traffic at Herald Square. Look, I make this trip all the time. First Friday of the month? Linens. Roll right off the trucks. They're in and out in twenty minutes... ...which means they left fifteen minutes ago. Traffic will be smooth. +But Bowery's fine, if that's what you want. We taking bets? What if you're wrong? +We taking bets? What if you're wrong? The ride is free. +The ride is free. You got a deal. +Go ahead, say it. No. I got lucky with the lights. +No. I got lucky with the lights. No. You were right, I was wrong... ...Max. +You like Bach? I used to play this piece back in high school. +I used to play this piece back in high school. Let me guess. Clarinet? +Let me guess. Clarinet? Violin. I never had the lungs for wind instruments. +Violin. I never had the lungs for wind instruments. Could'a fooled me, the way you were hollering into that cell phone. +Could'a fooled me, the way you were hollering into that cell phone. Different instrument altogether. You know, if you'd only listened to me, we'd be bogged down in traffic right now, and you could have made yourself an extra five bucks. +Different instrument altogether. You know, if you'd only listened to me, we'd be bogged down in traffic right now, and you could have made yourself an extra five bucks. Keep it. Go wild. Have a party. +Keep it. Go wild. Have a party. Why'd you do that? Don't tell me you're a gentleman, Max. I thought chivalry was dead as a necessary consequence of gender politics... +Why'd you do that? Don't tell me you're a gentleman, Max. I thought chivalry was dead as a necessary consequence of gender politics... It's no big deal. +It's no big deal. No? How many cabbies get you into an argument to save you money? +No? How many cabbies get you into an argument to save you money? There were two of us. I had the other guy killed. Don't need the competition... +You're an anomaly in today's world, Max. You're good at what you do, so you must take pride in it...? This? Temporary. To pay the bills and save. I got plans... +This? Temporary. To pay the bills and save. I got plans... Like what? +Like what? Travel...and things. +You like being a lawyer? You psychic? +You psychic? Sure. I'm starting an 800 hotline. Caught part of your phone call. And even if I hadn't, there's the dark pinstripe, Armani, elegant, not too hip, which rules out advertising, plus a top-of-the-line briefcase that you live out of, looks like Bottega... +Sure. I'm starting an 800 hotline. Caught part of your phone call. And even if I hadn't, there's the dark pinstripe, Armani, elegant, not too hip, which rules out advertising, plus a top-of-the-line briefcase that you live out of, looks like Bottega... Bottega. +Bottega. ...Bottega. Guy gets in my cab wearing a catcher's mask, I think he's a ballplayer. You? Definitely Clarence Darrow. +Not quite. He did defense. I'm a prosecutor... Big case? +Big case? Yeah. +You never answered my question. You like what you do? Most of the time. +Most of the time. But not now? +But not now? Like you, I'm good at it. But at this exact moment in time...like I gotta sumo wrestler on my shoulders until tomorrow morning. +Like you, I'm good at it. But at this exact moment in time...like I gotta sumo wrestler on my shoulders until tomorrow morning. You need a vacation. +You need a vacation. Just had one. +Just had one. Not in a cab... I mean a disconnection...get your head straight...you know, get it together... +Not in a cab... I mean a disconnection...get your head straight...you know, get it together... When was the last time you took one? +When was the last time you took one? Soon. But I take little ones all the time. Comoros Islands in the Indian Ocean. +Soon. But I take little ones all the time. Comoros Islands in the Indian Ocean. How often you go? +How often you go? Dozen times a day. +No, no way, I couldn't take that... Yes, you could. I think you need it more than I do. It'll help. I promise. +Thanks for everything, Max. Wow... Sure thing. +Annie...it's Max. Max... +Max... Max, the cab driver! +Max, the cab driver! Max? Oh... ...it's kind of a strange time to be calling... +Max? Oh... ...it's kind of a strange time to be calling... Listen to me! Just listen, okay? There's a man, Vincent, he's coming to kill you! +Listen to me! Just listen, okay? There's a man, Vincent, he's coming to kill you! He's...what? Say again? We're in cell hell... +He's...what? Say again? We're in cell hell... Kill you! He's coming to kill you! +Kill you! He's coming to kill you! If this is a joke, it's not funny. +If this is a joke, it's not funny. Dmitri hired him! He's already killed all your witnesses, now he's coming after you! He was stalking you when I dropped you off. I don't know what happened, but he diverted and got into my cab, instead. +Did you say Dmitri? How do you know about my case? I don't understand... It doesn't matter! Just get out of the goddamn building... +...okay, Max, I believe you...I'll get out of the building... No, no, wait... +...he's two floors below you. In my office? +In my office? Where are you, what floor? +Where are you, what floor? Seventh, files section. What should I do? +Seventh, files section. What should I do? He doesn't know you're up there! Just stay right where you are! Call the police! +He doesn't know you're up there! Just stay right where you are! Call the police! Max, I'm scared. Are you sure? +Max, I'm scared. Are you sure? Yes! Stay put, goddamn it! Don't move from that spot... +This your current address? Yes. +A deer? Comin' over Coldwater. Goddamn deer jumps out in front of me. You believe that? +Comin' over Coldwater. Goddamn deer jumps out in front of me. You believe that? You still carrying passengers? +You still carrying passengers? I was heading back to my garage. It's on the way. +I was heading back to my garage. It's on the way. This vehicle's not safe to drive. We're gonna have to impound it. Get you towed. Step away from the vehicle and pop the trunk. I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to find another cab. +Come on, it's been a long, shitty day. How about a break? I'll call a tow truck myself, I swear. I won't budge from this spot. Save me the grief. Step out of the car, sir, and open the trunk. +You dizzy? You want to sit down? I'm...fine. Fine. +I'm...fine. Fine. You sure? You look pretty shaky... +...I was just a young cat back then, about nineteen, bussin' tables in this very place. Didn't pay but shit, but that wasn't the point. Being around the music, that was the thing. And I was. Take this one night...July 22, 1964...who walks in? Mr. Louis Armstrong. You're kidding me. +You're kidding me. Right through those doors. The man himself. +Right through those doors. The man himself. Jesus... +Jesus... He'd come over from Queens to do the Ed Sullivan show. After, he decides to come on up to Harlem and hang with the common folk. That's how he was, you see. Never forgot where he came from. Money and fame an' all that? Meant nothin', long as he could blow that horn. So before you it, he's up on that stage, doin' his thing. +He'd come over from Queens to do the Ed Sullivan show. After, he decides to come on up to Harlem and hang with the common folk. That's how he was, you see. Never forgot where he came from. Money and fame an' all that? Meant nothin', long as he could blow that horn. So before you it, he's up on that stage, doin' his thing. Was it great? Better than great, it had to be... +Was it great? Better than great, it had to be... Like Winton Marsalis says, it was pure, spiritual essence. Louis was playing. God was smiling. +Like Winton Marsalis says, it was pure, spiritual essence. Louis was playing. God was smiling. You heard Armstrong play live. I've never been this jealous. You get to talk to him? +You heard Armstrong play live. I've never been this jealous. You get to talk to him? Did better'n that. +No. Oh, my, yes. +Oh, my, yes. Get outta here! You and Louis? +Get outta here! You and Louis? Fella owned this place back then, Dix Dwyer, he let slip to Louis that I played. So Pops, he just waves me right up. My heart about stopped. But I got up there all the same, and we played for nearly twenty minutes. +Fella owned this place back then, Dix Dwyer, he let slip to Louis that I played. So Pops, he just waves me right up. My heart about stopped. But I got up there all the same, and we played for nearly twenty minutes. Unbelievable... ...you hearing this? Unbelievable. +Remember what you played? "Most vividly. ""St. Louis Blues,"" ""Potato Head Blues,"" ""Sleepy Time Down South..."" ...then Pops laid some ""Cornet Chop Suey"" on me, and left me in the dust like a whipped dog." +"Most vividly. ""St. Louis Blues,"" ""Potato Head Blues,"" ""Sleepy Time Down South..."" ...then Pops laid some ""Cornet Chop Suey"" on me, and left me in the dust like a whipped dog." The crowd had to dig it. +The crowd had to dig it. The crowd was most kind. I was born in 1945, but my life began the night of July 22, 1964. That was the moment of my conception. Right here in this very room. +You know Dmitri? 'Fraid so. +And here I was thinking you were such a nice guy. I am a nice guy, Daniel. With a job to do. You know how it is. +What kind of question? Jazz question. What other kind is there? You get it right, we roll with it. You disappear. Tonight. You don't go home, you don't pack a bag, you just leave town...and nobody, I mean nobody, ever hears from you or sees you again. +Jazz question. What other kind is there? You get it right, we roll with it. You disappear. Tonight. You don't go home, you don't pack a bag, you just leave town...and nobody, I mean nobody, ever hears from you or sees you again. How do I know you'll keep your word? +How do I know you'll keep your word? I never lie. Ask Max. Max, have I lied yet? +One more thing. If by some chance I get this wrong...tell Dmitri I'm sorry. Of course. +Lay it on me. It's simple. What was your pal Louis' first musical instrument? +It's simple. What was your pal Louis' first musical instrument? I know the answer. I know all there is to know about Louis. +I know the answer. I know all there is to know about Louis. Then let's have it. +"I see. That was an important list, wouldn't you say? The people on that list are being subpoenaed tomorrow by a federal judge. And you ""lost"" it?" I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Sorry? +Tell me, Vincent. Do you believe in Santa Claus? Can't say that I do. +Can't say that I do. Neither do I. But my children, they're still young. Do you know who they like even more than jolly old Saint Nicholas? His helper, Black Peter. An old Russian fairy tale tells of how Santa got so busy looking after all the good kids, he had to hire a helper to punish all the bad kids. That was Black Peter's job. He was given the list of all the bad children, and he would visit them in their homes late at night. And if he caught them not saying their prayers, he would leave a bundle of wooden switches outside their door. That was a warning. If they continued to misbehave, he would swoop down and take the children away. And they would never be seen again. +Tell me Vincent. Tell me what you think. I think... +What? I think... ...I think you should get this gun out of my fucking face. +I think... ...I think you should get this gun out of my fucking face. What? What did you say? +What? What did you say? I said. Get the gun. Out. Of my fucking face. Before I wrap it in a blintz and feed it to you. +I picked up a tail. Federal? +Federal? You tell me. I had to toss the list in the river. I was protecting your sorry, long-winded ass. So why don't you show a little courtesy? +You think I wanted to come here tonight? You think I'm that stupid? Sometimes shit happens, you gotta roll with it. Tell me. Has Black Peter already crossed off a few bad children? +Tell me. Has Black Peter already crossed off a few bad children? The fat man on Cherry Street. The other fat man, Mr. Bulldozer. The trumpet player. That leaves two. +The fat man on Cherry Street. The other fat man, Mr. Bulldozer. The trumpet player. That leaves two. Can you finish on schedule? +Can you finish on schedule? In fifteen years, I have never left a customer unsatisfied. +Vincent. Do not cross me. Wouldn't dream of it. +As a token of my appreciation for your understanding in this matter, I'd like to offer you a discount for my services tonight. Twenty five percent. Twenty five? +Twenty five? Hell, make it fifty. Same goes for any business we have in the future. +Hell, make it fifty. Same goes for any business we have in the future. Very generous. +Very generous. By the way. Daniel said he was sorry. +Something going on? Pretty quiet down there. A cab just pulled up, aside from that... +...goddamn it, you telling me this motherfucker's whacked three of our witnesses tonight... ...Petrov and Cicerno for sure... +Advance team, two men, stick to that goddamn cab, stay in radio contact, the rest of us follow in the van. Nobody moves until the entire team's in place... Can you fax me his picture? His license or something? What do you mean you don't have that there? Anybody else in the cab? +...got off the phone with his dispatcher. What an asshole. Cabbie's name is Max Rilke, been driving that cab for ten years... So? +So? ...so, his description of Max the cabdriver matches the guy who walked out of Villa Rodeo. That guy? That guy is a cabbie. And you're telling me this cabbie walks into a phone booth and emerges as a meat eater, assassin with heavy trigger time? What's he do, squeeze 'em in between fares? +...so, his description of Max the cabdriver matches the guy who walked out of Villa Rodeo. That guy? That guy is a cabbie. And you're telling me this cabbie walks into a phone booth and emerges as a meat eater, assassin with heavy trigger time? What's he do, squeeze 'em in between fares? No. Your cabbie is floating down a storm drain or stuffed in the trunk of a cab. +Lemme tell you something. Vincent and a few other guys like him are fucking ghosts. Nobody even know what he looked like until now... I don't know... +What are you gonna do? Take him down. Save Richard Yip, our witness... +...this snitch of yours, what's his name, Ivan? Ivan Petrov. Supposed to meet me for dinner, never shows up. I come here, find this. +Ivan Petrov. Supposed to meet me for dinner, never shows up. I come here, find this. You guys been holding hands? +You guys been holding hands? Months now. He's been feeding me information on Dmitri. +Months now. He's been feeding me information on Dmitri. Dmitri Gusunov? What the fuck, why? Forget about Dimitri, Feds are all over him. They're a heartbeat away from taking him down. Word's gone out, they don't want us anywhere near him... +Dmitri Gusunov? What the fuck, why? Forget about Dimitri, Feds are all over him. They're a heartbeat away from taking him down. Word's gone out, they don't want us anywhere near him... Oh, we working for the Feds now? If my snitch flew out a window, he's got Dmitri's handprints on his ass. That makes it homicide, that makes it ours. +Oh, we working for the Feds now? If my snitch flew out a window, he's got Dmitri's handprints on his ass. That makes it homicide, that makes it ours. What homicide? Phil. Where's a body? Look. All we got is glass... +There was a car here, you can see where the glass came down all around it. Ivan flew out the window and went bam. He could'a been depressed. It still doesn't tell me homicide. +Remember that thing a few years back? That thing with the cab? What thing? +What thing? Cabbie drove around all night. Three people got killed. +Cabbie drove around all night. Three people got killed. Oh, right. The guy flipped out or something? Killed some people, then put a gun to his own head? +Oh, right. The guy flipped out or something? Killed some people, then put a gun to his own head? They found him dead in his own cab down by the Port Authority. +They found him dead in his own cab down by the Port Authority. So? It was a random thing. +So? It was a random thing. I never bought that. +I never bought that. Oh? +Oh? Cabbie had no criminal record, no history of mental illness. Suddenly, he just wigs out and pops three people, then himself? Plus the victims weren't random solid citizens. They were all lowlives. Wiseguys. I've always wondered if there was someone else in the cab. +...yeah, I'm still at Bellevue. The John Doe didn't pan out, but you'll never guess who's lying up in the meat locker. Elvis? +Elvis? Joey Cicerno. Dear friend and associate of my missing snitch, Ivan Petrov. Both of whom were in bed with Dmitri. +Joey Cicerno. Dear friend and associate of my missing snitch, Ivan Petrov. Both of whom were in bed with Dmitri. Jesus. Two in one night? +Jesus. Two in one night? Something big's going down, and I'm betting the Feds don't know about it. You gotta get us in there. +Something big's going down, and I'm betting the Feds don't know about it. You gotta get us in there. Pick me up in five minutes. +Captain Walt Muldoon, NYPD. Detective Sergeant Phil Heller. +What if they're wrong? Not our call, Phil. +Not our call, Phil. ...if they're wrong?! +...if they're wrong?! This isn't our goddamn game! +Why didn't you tell me we had company? And what's your name? No harm done, ma'am. +Happy to meet you, Mrs. Rilke. Oh, call me Ida. To what do we owe the pleasure? +I was with Max when he got the call. And you came all the way down here to see me? +And you came all the way down here to see me? It's nothing. +It's nothing. Tell my son. You have to hold a gun to his head to get him to come see me. +Tell my son. You have to hold a gun to his head to get him to come see me. Tell me about it. +Client? I like to think of myself as more of a friend. A mentor. Max never had many friends. So much with the piano. Always keeping to himself, it's unhealthy... +I'm sure you're very proud of Max. Of course I'm proud. You know he started with nothing? Look at him today. Playing concerts. +Quite an achievement... What's your name? +What's your name? Vincent... +I'm in town for a short time. Try? +Try? Of course! +Hi, Ma. I've been calling and calling. +I've been calling and calling. I got caught up at work. +I got caught up at work. You couldn't pick up a phone? I'm lying here, wondering if something horrible happened... +You couldn't pick up a phone? I'm lying here, wondering if something horrible happened... I brought you flowers. +I brought you flowers. What am I gonna do with flowers? +What am I gonna do with flowers? You're gonna cheer up. +You're gonna cheer up. By worrying about you spending money on foolish things? So I can watch them wilt? +By worrying about you spending money on foolish things? So I can watch them wilt? He paid for 'em. +You paid for my flowers? They're beautiful. Max, you gonna introduce us? Mom, Vincent. Vincent, my mother, Ida Rilke. +I'm...in...the...room, here. Don't talk about me like I'm not in the room. What's he sayin'? +What's he sayin'? I'm standing right here. +I'm standing right here. Yesss, you are. He's artistic. +I came to see you, you look fine. We gotta go. Vincent. It was nice to meet you. Visit again? +Oh. Oh, thank God, hey! Hey, guys, hey, help me out here! Yo, whassup? +Yo, whassup? I got my, my hands taped to the steering wheel here, there's this guy, he taped me in the car, he's back there somewhere. +You're kidding me. I'll fuck you up, you don't hand it over. +I'll fuck you up, you don't hand it over. My hands are taped to the fucking steering wheel! +...oh God, don't shoot me... ...show me the wallet, man, get your ass up, up... +I know you're out there! Answer the goddamn call! What happens if you don't? +He's not paying you one cent! Who the hell is this? +Vincent Farrell, Assistant U.S. Attorney. A passenger in this taxicab, and I'm reporting you to the DMV... Let's not get excited, sir. +Let's not get excited, sir. How am I supposed to not get excited, listening to you trying to extort your employee, you sarcastic prick? +How am I supposed to not get excited, listening to you trying to extort your employee, you sarcastic prick? I was just tryin' to...to... +I was just tryin' to...to... Tell it to Max. Tell him he's an asshole. +Max? Maaax. Pick up, dipshit. Jesus, what is with this guy? +Jesus, what is with this guy? Maaaaaax! +You hassling my driver again? Who is this? +Who is this? Same fare you talked to last time. The U.S. Attorney... +Same fare you talked to last time. The U.S. Attorney... What are you guys, taking an all-night tour? +What are you guys, taking an all-night tour? We're gay lovers, what's it to you? +We're gay lovers, what's it to you? Nothin'! Aside from Max's mother driving me crazy, I'm dancin' on a rainbow! Get him on the line, please. +Nothin'! Aside from Max's mother driving me crazy, I'm dancin' on a rainbow! Get him on the line, please. Hang on. Carefully... +He'll keep calling. Max! Dammit! Answer! +Uh, yeah? Lenny? It's me. I just got off the phone with the cops. They called to check you brought the cab in... +Yeah? So? So? Aside from I hate talking to cops, they tell me you crashed the shit out of it. +So? Aside from I hate talking to cops, they tell me you crashed the shit out of it. It got crashed! I didn't... +It got crashed! I didn't... I give a shit whose fault it was, you're payin'! +Yeah? Where you been the last two hours? Your mother's been calling every ten minutes whining about how you didn't show up. +...why is everything always about you... ...everything is not about me, don't make me the villain here. That asshole was out of line, and you goddamn well know it... +...everything is not about me, don't make me the villain here. That asshole was out of line, and you goddamn well know it... ...I'm sorry, I don't see it that way... +...I'm sorry, I don't see it that way... ...oh, bullshit! He was intruding on my space, he was demeaning me personally, he was patronizing... +...oh, bullshit! He was intruding on my space, he was demeaning me personally, he was patronizing... ...what do you want me to do, punch him out? I have to work with him... +...what do you want me to do, punch him out? I have to work with him... ...well, last I checked, you were sleeping with me, so unless you wanna start fucking the guy soon, I'd suggest an attitude shift... +Hello? Oh. Sorry. +Uh, let's go to... Hello...? Yeah, yeah, sorry... +How long you think this'll take? Twenty-four minutes. +Twenty-four minutes. Twenty-four? Not twenty-five? Or twenty-three? +Twenty-four? Not twenty-five? Or twenty-three? Two minutes to get on Broadway. They're doing some roadwork around the bridge. Eleven to get downtown. Four to the Lower East Side. Six to clear the roadwork. One minute margin for error. My math says twenty-four. +Mind if I time you? What do I get if you're wrong? A free ride? An apology. +First time in New York? Third, but I still can't tell uptown from downtown. Tell the truth, whenever I'm here, I can't wait to leave. Place gets to me. Too loud, too fast...too much. You like it here? +Third, but I still can't tell uptown from downtown. Tell the truth, whenever I'm here, I can't wait to leave. Place gets to me. Too loud, too fast...too much. You like it here? It's home. +It's home. You share it with over three million people every day. You know that's the population of New Zealand? What's Manhattan, thirteen miles long? That's a lot of misery crammed into thirteen miles. Read about this one guy. Gets on the subway and dies. Six hours he's riding around before anybody notices. Think about that. Here's this corpse doing laps around Manhattan courtesy of the New York transit system, people getting on and off, sitting next to him, and still nobody catches on. Three million. That's too damn many people. +You share it with over three million people every day. You know that's the population of New Zealand? What's Manhattan, thirteen miles long? That's a lot of misery crammed into thirteen miles. Read about this one guy. Gets on the subway and dies. Six hours he's riding around before anybody notices. Think about that. Here's this corpse doing laps around Manhattan courtesy of the New York transit system, people getting on and off, sitting next to him, and still nobody catches on. Three million. That's too damn many people. I see your point. +You know, this is the cleanest cab I've ever been in. This your regular ride? Yeah. I share it with the dayshift guy. +Yeah. I share it with the dayshift guy. You prefer nights? +You prefer nights? People are more relaxed. Less stress, less traffic, better tips. +People are more relaxed. Less stress, less traffic, better tips. You on some kind of work plan? +You on some kind of work plan? You mean like benefits? +You mean like benefits? Yeah. Retirement? Paid sick leave? +Yeah. Retirement? Paid sick leave? It's not that kind of job. +It's not that kind of job. You should start a union. +You should start a union. Me, specifically? +Me, specifically? Why not? +Why not? Last thing I need is a reason to keep hacking. This job's a fill-in. +Last thing I need is a reason to keep hacking. This job's a fill-in. Oh? How long you been doing this? +Oh? How long you been doing this? Twelve years. But I'm working on other stuff... +Twelve years. But I'm working on other stuff... Like what? +Like what? I don't talk about it, you know... No offense. +I don't talk about it, you know... No offense. None taken. There are talkers and doers. I like doers. +Twenty-four minutes! Man, you're hot... Yeah. Lucky with the lights. +Yeah. Lucky with the lights. Bullshit. You probably know the light schedules, too. Listen, I'm in town tonight on a closing. Five stops, one night. I gotta catch a six a.m. flight. I got five stops to make, see some friends, collect some signatures. Why don't you hang with me? +Bullshit. You probably know the light schedules, too. Listen, I'm in town tonight on a closing. Five stops, one night. I gotta catch a six a.m. flight. I got five stops to make, see some friends, collect some signatures. Why don't you hang with me? I'm not a hire car. It's against regs? +I'm not a hire car. It's against regs? Regulations? These guys don't even give you sick leave. How much you pull down on a good night? +Regulations? These guys don't even give you sick leave. How much you pull down on a good night? Two, two-fifty. +Two, two-fifty. I'll make it an even five hundred. Plus an extra hundred if you get me to LAX on time. +We have a deal. What's your name? Max. +Max. Max? I'm Vincent. +He fell on my cab! From up th-th-there. You always stutter? +You always stutter? Yeah, yeah. Shit, man. Guy fell on my motherfucking cab. +I think he's dead. No shit. Since he has two .45s double- tapped through the sternum and fell six floors onto his head... +You - you killed him? No-no, I-I shot him. The bullets and the fall killed him. +"You cool, Max? Say ""I'm cool.""" You're cool. +You're cool. No. You say you're cool. +No. You say you're cool. I'm cool. +Good. Help me out here. With what? +With what? You were going to drive me around. Drop me at LAX. Never be the wiser. But El Gordo missed the elevator. So we go to Plan B. Pop the trunk. +You were going to drive me around. Drop me at LAX. Never be the wiser. But El Gordo missed the elevator. So we go to Plan B. Pop the trunk. The trunk? +The trunk? Did I stutter? The trunk. Unless you want him riding up front with you...but given hygiene and his sphincters have let go... +I'm gonna roll him off the hood. Always lift with your legs... I don't think I can do this. +I don't think I can do this. It's just a dead guy. On three, ready? Uno. Dos. Three. +Got it? Yeah. +What? His hand moved! His goddamn hand twitched! +His hand moved! His goddamn hand twitched! It's a spasm! Jesus, Max, don't be such a girl... +Uh, look...why don't you just take the car... ...and you promise you'll never tell anybody about this, right? Get in the fucking car. +Max. May we leave the scene of the crime now, please. I'm trying... +Max. It's not me. +You listening to me? Yes! I'm trying, I swear! +Yes! I'm trying, I swear! Try harder. I'm gonna count to three. One... +Try harder. I'm gonna count to three. One... Two... +Two... It's not me, it's the engine! A fat guy fell on it from six floors up! +What about that? I tried it. +I tried it. How about the thingy next to it? +How about the thingy next to it? The thingy next to it has nothing to do with the starter motor... +The thingy next to it has nothing to do with the starter motor... I'm making you nervous. I'm the one with a schedule. +I'm making you nervous. I'm the one with a schedule. Okay, try it now. +Try some deep breathing. What? +What? Adrenaline's wearing off. You get shaky after. It's not uncommon. Deep breathing helps. +You better? I think so. +What are you doing? It's a mess. +It's a mess. So? +58th and Central. You know it? South Central. +South Central. How long, you figure? +Oh. Oh, no. You're kidding. We... I told you we had other stops to make tonight. +I told you we had other stops to make tonight. You said you were visiting friends! +You said you were visiting friends! They're somebody's friends... You drive a cab. I kill people. We both do our jobs right, you might survive the night and come out four hundred bucks ahead. +They're somebody's friends... You drive a cab. I kill people. We both do our jobs right, you might survive the night and come out four hundred bucks ahead. Listen. I'm not trying to piss you off, see? Okay? I can't drive you around so you can murder folks. +Listen. I'm not trying to piss you off, see? Okay? I can't drive you around so you can murder folks. Tonight it is. +Tonight it is. You don't understand. I mean it. Really. I'm not up for this... +Are you breathing? Yes. +Yes. What else calms you down? Candy? Cigarettes? Sex? Breathe. +Music. Play music. +"Chopin prelude. Stodgy, but nice. Here's the deal. I didn't want you involved in this. Still breathing? But now that you are, we have to make the best of it, Max. Improvise. Life is that way. Adapt to your environment. Survive. Darwin. ""Shit happens."" The I Ching. Whatever. Roll with it." I Ching? You threw a man out a window! +I Ching? You threw a man out a window! I didn't throw him, he fell. +I didn't throw him, he fell. What'd he do to you? +What'd he do to you? Nothing. I only met him the one time. +Nothing. I only met him the one time. How can you kill him like that? +How can you kill him like that? I should only kill people after I get to know 'em? Six billion people on the planet, you're getting bent out of shape 'cause of one fat guy? +I should only kill people after I get to know 'em? Six billion people on the planet, you're getting bent out of shape 'cause of one fat guy? Who was he? +Who was he? What do you care? Ever hear of Rwanda? +What do you care? Ever hear of Rwanda? Rwanda-Burundi. Central Africa. +Rwanda-Burundi. Central Africa. Tens of thousands killed before sundown. Nobody's killed that fast since Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Did you bat an eye, Max? Join Amnesty International? No. I off one Angeleno, you throw a hissy fit... +I don't know any Rwandans. You don't know the guy in the trunk, either. If it makes you feel better, he was a villain involved in a Continuing Criminal Enterprise. +You don't know the guy in the trunk, either. If it makes you feel better, he was a villain involved in a Continuing Criminal Enterprise. Oh, it's okay, then. 'Cause you're just taking out the garbage... +Oh, it's okay, then. 'Cause you're just taking out the garbage... Yeah, like that... But, anyway, nobody gets out of this alive. Even if we quit smoking and cut out red meat. Everybody dies. +Get rid of 'em. How? +How? You're a cabby. Like talk yourself out of a ticket? +Please. Don't do anything. Then don't let me get cornered, Max. You don't have the trunk space. +Then don't let me get cornered, Max. You don't have the trunk space. I can't believe this. +I can't believe this. Believe it. +I'll talk to them, I'll talk to them. Good luck. You think they got families? +That one's probably married. Think of his kids. His wife's pregnant... I'll deal with it. I will, I will... +Hands on the wheel. Ten and two o'clock, like they taught you in driver's ed. Why? +Why? Because I have a gun and I say so. +Who's that? Lenny, my dispatcher. +It was an accident. You're not liable. Tell him. It was an accident. I'm not liable. +Don't take that. Tell him to shut the fuck up. I can't do that. He's the Man. He'll fire my ass. +I can't do that. He's the Man. He'll fire my ass. So what? +So what? I need the job. +I need the job. No you don't. +Lenny? You're an asshole. Tell him next time he pulls any shit, you're gonna kick his fat ass. +Tell him next time he pulls any shit, you're gonna kick his fat ass. Next time you pull any shit, I'm gonna kick your fat ass. +I had no idea these cabs came equipped with emergency strobes. Where's the button? Under the dash? Yeah. +Another collateral. What? +What? Collateral damage. +Collateral damage. I don't understand... +I don't understand... People in the wrong place at the wrong time. Draws attention, which is something you avoid in my line of work. And for you? You attract attention, you're gonna get people killed who don't need to be. +Vincent? Yes, Max? +Yes, Max? Am I collateral? +But, hey, some good news. This last one put me way ahead of schedule. We've actually got some time to kill. Jazz? You like jazz? I'm...what? Sorry? +I'm...what? Sorry? Jazz. Music. +Jazz. Music. I listen to classical. +I listen to classical. Friend of mine told me about this great place in South Central. Says it's like the birthplace of West Coast bebop. Bird. Dexter Gordon. Thelonious Monk. Chet Baker. I'll buy you a drink. Expand your horizons... +...see now, this has got a little post- war flavor, a little Miles thing happening. Awesome. What do you think? I never learned jazz. +I never learned jazz. God, are you always this prosaic? You don't learn jazz, it's not something you're taught. It's like breathing, like life. Like us, tonight, taking what comes and going with the flow. +God, are you always this prosaic? You don't learn jazz, it's not something you're taught. It's like breathing, like life. Like us, tonight, taking what comes and going with the flow. That what we're doing? Flowing? +That what we're doing? Flowing? Damn right. Instinct, man. If you think too much, it doesn't work. Just listen... +Damn right. Instinct, man. If you think too much, it doesn't work. Just listen... I'm not catching a melody. +I'm not catching a melody. That's the point. You play between the notes, you dance around the structure, you improvise. Some people know where they're going to be ten years from now. Same job, same neighbors, same shit over and over. That's not living. That's dying a little every day. Not me, pal. It's not knowing what's around the corner that makes like worth living. That's jazz. That guy up there, he knows what I'm talking about. Hell, it's the same thing he's talking about, if you just open your ears. You can hear it in the conversation he's having with that trumpet... +Let him go, Vincent. You mind? I'm working here. +You mind? I'm working here. You're the one who keeps talking about going with the flow. You like the man, you like the way he plays. How about a little jazz, huh? +You're the one who keeps talking about going with the flow. You like the man, you like the way he plays. How about a little jazz, huh? Jazz? That's funny, coming from you. Okay, some jazz for the jazz man. How's this? I'll ask a question. +Let's go. No. +No. What you mean, no? +What you mean, no? I'm done. Find another cab. +Max? What are you doing? Leave me alone. +Leave me alone. Don't even think you're walking away from me. +Don't even think you're walking away from me. I don't wanna know you! +Pull your head out of your ass. Get your thinking straight. You wanna die? I'm collateral anyway, so just fucking do it and stop making me a part of this! +I'm collateral anyway, so just fucking do it and stop making me a part of this! Teach him how to talk back, suddenly he can't stop. I'm not playing. +Teach him how to talk back, suddenly he can't stop. I'm not playing. Sure? Like you didn't play him? String him along? If he had gotten the answer right, would you have let him go? +Show up for what? Tell her I can't see her tonight, okay? +Show up for what? She's in the hospital. +She's in the hospital. You go every night? +You go every night? What difference does it make? +What difference does it make? Guy with a routine goes and breaks it? Provokes attention. That's bad. And that's not good... +Guy with a routine goes and breaks it? Provokes attention. That's bad. And that's not good... There's no way I'm taking you to see my mother! +Mom, Vincent's not interested. Oh, I'm captivated. +You take one more step, I'll kill her. You'd do her a favor. +What the fuck was that? Jazz. +Limos, huh? Don't start. +Don't start. Hey, I'm not the one who's been lying to my mother. +Hey, I'm not the one who's been lying to my mother. She hears what she wants to hear, okay? +She hears what she wants to hear, okay? Maybe so. Maybe she hears what you tell her. +Maybe so. Maybe she hears what you tell her. Fuck! Nothing's ever goddamn good enough! It's always been that way. +Fuck! Nothing's ever goddamn good enough! It's always been that way. It's cause they don't like their lives, so they project their patterns of negative behavior onto you... I had a father like that. +It's cause they don't like their lives, so they project their patterns of negative behavior onto you... I had a father like that. Yeah? What happened? +Yeah? What happened? He hated everything I did. Hated me. Got drunk and beat the shit out of me, daily... +He hated everything I did. Hated me. Got drunk and beat the shit out of me, daily... What happened? +What happened? I killed him. When I was 15. He was my first. Nah, wishful thinking. Liver cancer. +I killed him. When I was 15. He was my first. Nah, wishful thinking. Liver cancer. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. "Don't be. I never saw him after I was 15. Went into the military early. So all this talk about ""my job's temporary, I got big plans,"" it's all bullshit." +"Don't be. I never saw him after I was 15. Went into the military early. So all this talk about ""my job's temporary, I got big plans,"" it's all bullshit." It's not bullshit. +It's not bullshit. What do you call it? Ten years doesn't sound temporary to me. I should have known it was bullshit, you're too good at what you do. +What do you call it? Ten years doesn't sound temporary to me. I should have known it was bullshit, you're too good at what you do. I've always been good. Ever since I started. Gave up piano. Easy money. I'm putting a stake together, get something started. Go figure it all out... +I've always been good. Ever since I started. Gave up piano. Easy money. I'm putting a stake together, get something started. Go figure it all out... Yeah? Like what? Limos? +Yeah? Like what? Limos? I told you I don't like to talk about it. +I told you I don't like to talk about it. Well, this big stake's got to be big by now. When you leaving? +Well, this big stake's got to be big by now. When you leaving? See, I've got bills. My mother's been dying of the same disease since I was a kid. +See, I've got bills. My mother's been dying of the same disease since I was a kid. What, no insurance? +What, no insurance? Doesn't cover everything. +Doesn't cover everything. Good excuse. How many others you got? +Gimme your wallet. Why? +I'll just hold onto it for you. In case they check. In case who checks? +Our friends in Little Russia. Go in and ask for a man named Dmitri. Dmitri? +Dmitri? The man who hired me for this contract. +The man who hired me for this contract. I don't get it. +I don't get it. You're gonna be me. You're gonna go in, and you're gonna get the info on the remaining two hits. +You're gonna be me. You're gonna go in, and you're gonna get the info on the remaining two hits. Why me? Why don't you do it? +Why me? Why don't you do it? No client has ever seen my face, and I intend to keep it that way. Besides, if he decides to put a bullet in my head, I don't wanna be there for it. +No client has ever seen my face, and I intend to keep it that way. Besides, if he decides to put a bullet in my head, I don't wanna be there for it. He's gonna shoot me? +He's gonna shoot me? When he finds out you tossed his list? I would. +When he finds out you tossed his list? I would. No. No way. I can't do this. +No. No way. I can't do this. Max. You threw my briefcase in the river. You've got balls bigger than Toledo. +Max. You threw my briefcase in the river. You've got balls bigger than Toledo. I...I wasn't thinking. I just did it. +I...I wasn't thinking. I just did it. That's jazz, my friend. You said it yourself. So don't tell me you don't know how to play between the notes. +Vincent. Don't make me do this. Don't make me get people killed. We've both run out of options. If it helps, take comfort in knowing you never had a choice. +How long have you been a hit man? Why? +Why? In case he asks. +In case he asks. "Fifteen years, although I prefer the term ""assassin.""" +"Fifteen years, although I prefer the term ""assassin.""" You get benefits? +You get benefits? No. +No. Paid sick leave? +Paid sick leave? You tell me to start a union, I'm blowing your head off. Quit stalling and get out of the cab. +Damn, Max. I'm impressed. Really. I would have bet good money you wouldn't walk out of there. Makes two of us. +"Washington and Holt. Dance club called ""Fever."" Know it?" Tribeca, near the waterfront, northeast corner. Twelve minutes. +Tribeca, near the waterfront, northeast corner. Twelve minutes. You do impress me, Max. That you do. +Would you have called her? Who? +Who? Your lady friend. The one who gave you her business card. Think she was just being polite? +Your lady friend. The one who gave you her business card. Think she was just being polite? I don't know. +I don't know. What holds you back, Max? Tell me. Why does life scare you so much? +What holds you back, Max? Tell me. Why does life scare you so much? I only owe you a ride, Vincent. +I only owe you a ride, Vincent. It's not what you owe me. Time is so fleeting. One day it's gone. You make it out of this alive, Max, you really should call her. That's what I think. +Good. Blood, urine and death get to you? Try deep breathing. Or remember we all die anyway... You had to kill Heller?! +You had to kill Heller?! Who's Heller? +Who's Heller? That cop! Why'd you have to do that? You couldn't wound him? The guy had a family, maybe, parents, kids who gotta grow up without a dad, he was probably a good guy; and he believed me... +That cop! Why'd you have to do that? You couldn't wound him? The guy had a family, maybe, parents, kids who gotta grow up without a dad, he was probably a good guy; and he believed me... I shoulda saved him 'cause he believed you? +I shoulda saved him 'cause he believed you? No, not just that. +No, not just that. Yeah, that. +Yeah, that. Yeah, so, what's wrong with that? +Yeah, so, what's wrong with that? It's what I do for a living. +It's what I do for a living. Some living. +Some living. Head towards Union Station. +Head towards Union Station. What's at Union Station? +What's at Union Station? How are you at math? I was hired for five hits. I did four. +How are you at math? I was hired for five hits. I did four. One more. +One more. There you go...! +There you go...! Whyn't you kill me and find another cab. +Whyn't you kill me and find another cab. You're too good. We're in this together. Fates intertwined. Cosmic coincidence and all that crap... +You're too good. We're in this together. Fates intertwined. Cosmic coincidence and all that crap... You're full of shit. +You're full of shit. I'm full of shit? You're a monument of bullshit. You even bullshitted yourself all I am, is taking out the garbage. Bad guys killing bad guys... +I'm full of shit? You're a monument of bullshit. You even bullshitted yourself all I am, is taking out the garbage. Bad guys killing bad guys... That's what you said... +That's what you said... And you believe me...? +And you believe me...? What'd they do? +What'd they do? "How do I know? But, they all got that ""witnesses for the prosecution"" look to me. Probably some major federal indictment against somebody who majorly does not want to get indicted... I dunno." +"How do I know? But, they all got that ""witnesses for the prosecution"" look to me. Probably some major federal indictment against somebody who majorly does not want to get indicted... I dunno." That's the reason? +That's the reason? "That's the ""why."" That's the why? There is no reason. No good reason; no bad reason. To live or to die." +"That's the ""why."" That's the why? There is no reason. No good reason; no bad reason. To live or to die." Then what are you? +Then what are you? ...indifferent. +Get with it. Get over it. ...millions of galaxies of hundreds of millions of stars and a speck on one in a blink...that's us. Lost in space. The universe doesn't care. The cop, you, me? Who notices? What happened to you? +What happened to you? As in...? +As in...? "Man, if someone had a gun to your head and said: ""You gotta tell me what's goin' on with that person over there or I'll kill you""...they'd have to kill you... 'Cause you don't have a clue for...or about...anyone... To be like that, I don't think you, you have any of that for your own life... Do you believe you're entitled or at least expect to draw breath in the a.m.? Open your eyes in the morning? I don't think you do...I don't think so... I think you are way low...like in your estimation. In your estimation of yourself. So how'd you get that way...?" +"Man, if someone had a gun to your head and said: ""You gotta tell me what's goin' on with that person over there or I'll kill you""...they'd have to kill you... 'Cause you don't have a clue for...or about...anyone... To be like that, I don't think you, you have any of that for your own life... Do you believe you're entitled or at least expect to draw breath in the a.m.? Open your eyes in the morning? I don't think you do...I don't think so... I think you are way low...like in your estimation. In your estimation of yourself. So how'd you get that way...?" ...all the cabbies in LA, I pull Max, the man with X-ray vision... +...all the cabbies in LA, I pull Max, the man with X-ray vision... Answer the question. +Answer the question. Look in the mirror. ...piss-ant paper towels...a bottle of 409...saving up for goin' to the Comoros. How much you got saved? +Look in the mirror. ...piss-ant paper towels...a bottle of 409...saving up for goin' to the Comoros. How much you got saved? None of your business. +None of your business. "...pie in the sky? ""Someday my dream'll come..."" But one night you'll wake up and realize suddenly you're old. It hasn't happened. It never will. Life just flipped on you. Tomorrow became yesterday. Then you'll bullshit yourself it was never gonna happen, anyway, and push it back in memory...and anesthetize yourself in a Barcalounger with daytime TV for the rest of your life... Don't talk to me about murder. You're do-in' yourself...in this yellow prison with steel-belted radials. Clocking in and out everyday..." +'Cause I never got it straightened up; made the push, made the moves... Slow down. +Slow down. I should have done that. Fixed it and more. Get out from under what I been under... +You're going too fast. But you know what? Nothing matters, anyway. We are insignificant out here in the big nowhere, say the badass sociopath in my backseat. Right? Yeah. That's one thing I've got to thank you for, bro. And I never saw it that way... +Slow the hell down! What are you gonna do, pull the trigger? Kill us? Go ahead, man! Shoot...my ass. +What are you gonna do, pull the trigger? Kill us? Go ahead, man! Shoot...my ass. Slow down! +Slow down! Vincent? +Well. That was brilliant. Was your seatbelt fastened, honey? +Max? Let her go. +What happened? Guy came in with a gunshot wound, but he died of a heart attack. Go figure. +They said send you downstairs. Who? +Who? The F.B.I., the C.I.A. You name the initials and they're down there. +The F.B.I., the C.I.A. You name the initials and they're down there. Any special reason? +Any special reason? All I know is, they said to send you and the body to the basement. +The sound of love. Excuse me? +That's love. Love? Love's just a pretty way of saying, 'I want to sleep with you'. Love is bullshit. +Love? Love's just a pretty way of saying, 'I want to sleep with you'. Love is bullshit. I live on tips, so don't be offended, but you're a liar. I saw you kiss. Admit it, this is the street where love lives. +Love gives you wings. It makes you fly. I don't even call it love. I call it Geronimo. Geronimo? +Geronimo? Geronimo. When you're really in love, you'll jump. Off the top of the Empire State. Screaming 'Geronimo' the whole way down. +Geronimo. When you're really in love, you'll jump. Off the top of the Empire State. Screaming 'Geronimo' the whole way down. But you'll die. You'll squash yourself. What's the point? +But you'll die. You'll squash yourself. What's the point? Aren't you listening, man? Love gives you wings. +She must be some girl. I love her so bad. She just... wrecks me. I would die for her. +I never told her. Why the hell not? +Why the hell not? I, uh, I have some problems. +Are you crazy?! The guy came right at us! +The guy came right at us! You turned up a one way street! +I was only going one way. Drop me off here! +Drop me off here! Look, I'm sorry -- +Look, I'm sorry -- Just drop me off. +What're you thinking, Jerry? Water mains usually go in the winter. It's August 1st. +Water mains usually go in the winter. It's August 1st. Tell you what. Reminds me of life in the Delta. +Tell you what. Reminds me of life in the Delta. Mississippi? +Mississippi? Mekong, my friend, Mekong. +Mekong, my friend, Mekong. You know, Flip, Vietnam War was fought because of a bet Howard Hughes lost to Aristotle Onasis. +You know, Flip, Vietnam War was fought because of a bet Howard Hughes lost to Aristotle Onasis. Sure. And the two of 'em used my legs for a wishbone. Nearly snapped me in half. +Sure. And the two of 'em used my legs for a wishbone. Nearly snapped me in half. I gotta go, Flip. Thanks. +Jerry? You didn't show last night. First time ever. Had me worried, boy. Sorry, Flip. Got sidetracked. +Saved you last night's, too. Flip was a hero in Vietnam. +Flip was a hero in Vietnam. Sure was. Pounded the V.C. for this Greek cat named Ari Onasis. +Flip. You're the closest thing I got to a friend around here. Tell me something. You think I'm crazy? Shut the hell up. +I don't see the connection. Come on! Six major earthquakes in the last three years? The space shuttle in orbit for every one of them? +Come on! Six major earthquakes in the last three years? The space shuttle in orbit for every one of them? Testing some top secret seismic weapon. +Testing some top secret seismic weapon. Not testing. Using. Nukes are passe. This is the weapon of the future. +I still don't see what it has to do with the President. Do you still ride? +Do you still ride? Not for years. +Not for years. So why do you keep the picture up? You wish you hadn't quit? +So why do you keep the picture up? You wish you hadn't quit? Well, I -- Jerry, the point. Get there. What does it have to do with the President? +The President's in Europe. Tomorrow he'll be in Turkey. Right along this fault line. They launched the space shuttle yesterday. Motive? +Motive? He's cutting funding for NASA. The milk cow of the aerospace industry. We're talking billions. Motive enough? +He's cutting funding for NASA. The milk cow of the aerospace industry. We're talking billions. Motive enough? NASA is going to kill the President of the United States with an earthquake. +NASA is going to kill the President of the United States with an earthquake. Not exactly the kind of thing a Secret Service Agent can throw himself on top of. +You going to warn him? I can't promise you anything. +I can't promise you anything. You think I'm crazy. +You think I'm crazy. I think you're different. +I think you're different. You know, to be 'normal' and live in the 'real world,' to swallow Coca cola and eat Kentucky Fried Chicken, you have to be in a conspiracy against yourself. I can't lie to me, Liza. And the more I strip through the sham, the crazier I look to people like you. Can't you see that's what they're counting on? You want to go out sometime? +You know, to be 'normal' and live in the 'real world,' to swallow Coca cola and eat Kentucky Fried Chicken, you have to be in a conspiracy against yourself. I can't lie to me, Liza. And the more I strip through the sham, the crazier I look to people like you. Can't you see that's what they're counting on? You want to go out sometime? No. +I better get going. You don't have to burst in here every time, Jerry. Just call and make an appointment. +What was your horse's name? Johnny Dancer. You've been in my office ten times. How come you never asked me about that picture before? +Johnny Dancer. You've been in my office ten times. How come you never asked me about that picture before? Was waiting till I knew you better. Johnny Dancer, huh? Sounds like a racehorse. +I bit the bastard's nose off. You bit someone's nose off? +You bit someone's nose off? Yes! Don't let's get into this thing where I have to repeat myself! +It's a man without a nose you want, you dumb complicit sons of bitches! You've got to listen to me. Put down the gun and I'll take your statement. Okay? +Put down the gun and I'll take your statement. Okay? You're the boss. Just don't make me repeat myself. I hate that. +What's the charge? You were there, Jerry. Figure it out. +Just relax. Switch the charts. +Switch the charts. What? +Switch 'em. Or I'll be dead by morning. Don't want to be dead. I'll see you tomorrow. +Hey... I can't control it. It's just, something that happened. What is? +What is? Love. +People do have heart attacks. Sure. You switched the charts, didn't you? +It's okay. The guy traded bullets with some old man in a liquor store. He had it coming. You expect me to believe what, that someone came in here last night. Gave that guy... something that stopped his heart? +You expect me to believe what, that someone came in here last night. Gave that guy... something that stopped his heart? You switched the charts; you tell me. +You switched the charts; you tell me. I got to get downstairs. The C.I.A., they want to see your body. +I got to get downstairs. The C.I.A., they want to see your body. Really? +I won't be here when you get back, but I'll be in touch. And thanks. For what? +For what? You saved my life. +You saved my life. Heart attacks happen. +He says a dog bit his nose. Arf... You gotta help me. +Arf... You gotta help me. I can't promise you anything. +Lucky guess... Um, I'd feel a lot less naked if we could get outta here. Don't tell me you're naked back there. +Don't tell me you're naked back there. Figure of speech. Could we go? +What took so long? You were in there all day. That's how long it takes to turn a hospital inside out. A lot of people are after you, Jerry. +That's how long it takes to turn a hospital inside out. A lot of people are after you, Jerry. Dead or alive, they'll stick me in there with Oswald. Another lunatic acting alone, +Dead or alive, they'll stick me in there with Oswald. Another lunatic acting alone, Oswald was an assassin. You're not an assassin, are you, Jerry? +Oswald was an assassin. You're not an assassin, are you, Jerry? If you're worried about the President, call and warn him about the Space Shuttle. +If you're worried about the President, call and warn him about the Space Shuttle. Right. Sit up so I can see you. +Right. Sit up so I can see you. Uh uh, don't want them to see me. +Uh uh, don't want them to see me. Them who? +Them who? Change lanes. Then watch your rearview. +Flat, wraparound headlights? Yeah. +Yeah. Crown Victoria. F.B.I. car. A legitimate tail. +Crown Victoria. F.B.I. car. A legitimate tail. As opposed to? +As opposed to? People more serious about their work. You know how to drive this thing or do you just like looking good in it? +People more serious about their work. You know how to drive this thing or do you just like looking good in it? You mean I should speed up and try and lose them? +You mean I should speed up and try and lose them? Yes. +Yes. That's how a man would do it. I'm not a man. +That's how a man would do it. I'm not a man. I noticed. +See? Wasn't that a lot easier than squealing tires and knocking over trash cans? Nothing is easy. +Nothing is easy. How long have we known each other, Jerry? +How long have we known each other, Jerry? Six months. Eleven days. +Six months. Eleven days. Till today, I haven't believed a word. Now, I'm curious. Six months, eleven days. I'm going to give you one more hour to impress me. Where to? +You have the right to ask me certain personal questions? Yeah. I think so. +Nothing scary there. Sorry. Oh, well, maybe to the untrained eye. Hmm... Ahh... Ooooo... +More about life on Mars. From a rock they found on the South Pole. Explain that one to me. But maybe we should go to Mars and find out? How much do you think that's going to cost? What is it with you and the space program? +What is it with you and the space program? And look here. Cease fire in Chechenia. That's good for the banks who lent the government money, but bad for the guys selling them weapons. Listen to this, some gas company in Colorado. Their researchers have been blocked from testing a fuel additive. They've accused the E.P.A. of, quote, 'turning a blind eye to the future.' +Well that's the eye right there. Money. And all the power and misery it brings with it. It's a plot to take over the world. The Master Conspiracy. Can take a lifetime to pull off. Do they have a secret handshake? +That's it? I have no idea. +So why are they after you? I'm not sure. I think I figured something out. It must've been in my newsletter. +I'm not sure. I think I figured something out. It must've been in my newsletter. What newsletter? +So I'm a little jumpy. Who wouldn't be? You're certifiable. +You're certifiable. You wouldn't be sitting here if you didn't halfway believe me. +You wouldn't be sitting here if you didn't halfway believe me. Believe you about what? +You okay? Flesh wound. No big deal. +You know why the Grateful Dead are always on tour? Surprise me. +Surprise me. The whole kit and caboodle of 'em are British Intelligence agents. Spies. Jerry Garcia had a double- o rating. Just like James Bond. +You want something to drink? Um, coffee. If that's okay? +If my universe had a hub... This would be it? +Equitation. I've been reading up on it. +I've been reading up on it. Are these yours? +Here it is. Conspiracy Theory It just went out Tuesday. Third issue this year. I bet I struck a nerve. Pissed someone off. 'The Space Shuttle's Seismic Secret'. 'The Oliver Stone-George Bush Connection'. Oliver Stone? +'The Space Shuttle's Seismic Secret'. 'The Oliver Stone-George Bush Connection'. Oliver Stone? Stone is their spokesman. You think if someone really had all that information and a national podium to shout it out from that they'd let him do it? Stone's a disinformation flunky. The face that he's alive says it all. +Stone is their spokesman. You think if someone really had all that information and a national podium to shout it out from that they'd let him do it? Stone's a disinformation flunky. The face that he's alive says it all. Can you prove any of this? +Can you prove any of this? Absolutely not. A good conspiracy is an unprovable conspiracy. If you can figure it out, they screwed it up. +'On July 8, 1979, security forces under control of the Trilateral Commission abducted the fathers of all American Nobel Prize winners. The men, many of them octogenarians, were forced at gunpoint to ejaculate into small plastic bottles. The sperm collected is now under study in a laboratory beneath the headquarters of the Rand Corporation in Santa Monica, California.' Pretty scary, huh? +Pretty scary, huh? Yeah... how many subscribers do you have? +Yeah... how many subscribers do you have? Just five. It's the economy... You think maybe one of them is not who they seem? +Just five. It's the economy... You think maybe one of them is not who they seem? You got a list? +You're a Holden Caulfield fan. Who? +Who? Holden Caulfield? Catcher in the Rye? +Holden Caulfield? Catcher in the Rye? Never heard of him. +Never heard of him. You have ten copies of the book, but you don't know who the main character is? +You have ten copies of the book, but you don't know who the main character is? I've never read it. I just -- Every time I see one I buy it. I don't know why exactly... Wanna hear my favorite part? +What are you doing? Getting rid of my hub! +Was that who I thought it was? Uh huh. +Uh huh. Has this happened to you before? +Has this happened to you before? Never, but I've been practicing. +Never, but I've been practicing. Who are you, Jerry? +Who are you, Jerry? Just a guy trying to put out a fire. +You gave me an hour; now give me a day. Jerry, there's something I have to ask you. Actually about a hundred things, but we can make progress, if you answer one question. To my satisfaction. +Jerry, there's something I have to ask you. Actually about a hundred things, but we can make progress, if you answer one question. To my satisfaction. Shoot. +Shoot. It was that painting. The one on the wall. +It was that painting. The one on the wall. I didn't mean for you to see it. It's like looking in someone's diary and taking it out of context. Know what I mean? +I didn't mean for you to see it. It's like looking in someone's diary and taking it out of context. Know what I mean? It made me feel like you could see inside of me. And I don't know how that's possible. +It made me feel like you could see inside of me. And I don't know how that's possible. So what's the question? +So what's the question? How is it possible? +I'll give you 100 bucks if you leave right now. Is this your dad? +Is this your dad? That was him. +That was him. Is he dead? +Is he dead? Please put it down. +Please put it down. How'd he die? +How'd he die? He was murdered. +He's why you punish yourself. Not this again. +Not this again. You run with your back to the picture. Like you were trying to get away. Once in awhile you sing along with music, but mostly you punish yourself. +You run with your back to the picture. Like you were trying to get away. Once in awhile you sing along with music, but mostly you punish yourself. You watch me, don't you? +Johnny Dancer, right? You don't ride him anymore, do you? Not since your dad died. Fuck you. I know you're crazy, but fuck you. +Did you see the van back there? What van? +What van? Never mind. You'd think I was making it up. +Never mind. You'd think I was making it up. Where'd you get your subscribers? +Where'd you get your subscribers? I put an ad on a computer bulletin board. I log on at the library so I can't be traced. +I put an ad on a computer bulletin board. I log on at the library so I can't be traced. Well, I've been tracking them down all morning. +Well, I've been tracking them down all morning. You haven't been bothering them, have you? +You haven't been bothering them, have you? They're dead. Four out of five anyhow. All in the last 24 hours. One car accident, two heart attacks and a stroke. +They're dead. Four out of five anyhow. All in the last 24 hours. One car accident, two heart attacks and a stroke. Jesus... It's my fault. They drew a black line over me and now I'm passing it on. I'm passing it to you, too. +Jesus... It's my fault. They drew a black line over me and now I'm passing it on. I'm passing it to you, too. I'll be fine. Let's worry about Henry Finch. P.O. Box in St. Louis. He's the last on the list. I haven't been able to reach him yet. +I'll be fine. Let's worry about Henry Finch. P.O. Box in St. Louis. He's the last on the list. I haven't been able to reach him yet. Maybe you better not try... I worked so hard to keep quiet. Like a mouse. I should have realized. +Maybe you better not try... I worked so hard to keep quiet. Like a mouse. I should have realized. Realized what? +Realized what? Henry Finch. That they monitor everything. That it was only a matter of time. And now four people are dead. +Elaborate on 'they,' okay? There are all kinds of groups, all kinds of initials. But they're all part of two warring factions. One: families that have held wealth for centuries. They want one thing. Stability. Group Two: the boat rockers. Eisenhower's military industrial complex. They want instability. It's a trillion dollar a year business. When there isn't a hot war, they make a cold one. +There are all kinds of groups, all kinds of initials. But they're all part of two warring factions. One: families that have held wealth for centuries. They want one thing. Stability. Group Two: the boat rockers. Eisenhower's military industrial complex. They want instability. It's a trillion dollar a year business. When there isn't a hot war, they make a cold one. Cold War's over, Jerry. +Cold War's over, Jerry. So now they feed us terrorists. To create fear. How much do you think an airport security system goes for? Then multiply it by every airport in the country. +So now they feed us terrorists. To create fear. How much do you think an airport security system goes for? Then multiply it by every airport in the country. And you think Group One is at war with Group Two. +And you think Group One is at war with Group Two. Latest casualty? Ernest Harriman. You heard of him? +Latest casualty? Ernest Harriman. You heard of him? Sure. One of the richest men in America until he died a few days ago. +Sure. One of the richest men in America until he died a few days ago. His obituary was in every paper. But not one of them said he was murdered. +His obituary was in every paper. But not one of them said he was murdered. Murdered? +Murdered? Right here in Manhattan. +Right here in Manhattan. It said in the paper he drowned in a swimming pool. In Newport. +It said in the paper he drowned in a swimming pool. In Newport. Nobody dies in Newport. They couldn't even kill Sunny von Bulow there. Harriman drowned, but it wasn't in Newport. +Nobody dies in Newport. They couldn't even kill Sunny von Bulow there. Harriman drowned, but it wasn't in Newport. Where then? +Right here. In the 7th Street subway station. What was he doing down here? A billionaire waiting for the subway? Why not drown him in a bus? Why drown him at all? Why not shoot him? Is the hitman from the lost world of Atlantis? I mean, come on. +What was he doing down here? A billionaire waiting for the subway? Why not drown him in a bus? Why drown him at all? Why not shoot him? Is the hitman from the lost world of Atlantis? I mean, come on. I see the big picture and you stumble around in the details. +I see the big picture and you stumble around in the details. They're big details, Jerry. +They're big details, Jerry. Do you watch the news? Read the paper. Last week, this whole place was underwater. +Do you watch the news? Read the paper. Last week, this whole place was underwater. A water main broke. +A water main broke. They don't break in the summer! Do you know what building is right over this spot? Harriman Tower. Their sub-basement was flooded! He didn't die in a pool. Call the coroner in Rhode Island! Ask if the water in his lungs was chlorinated! +They don't break in the summer! Do you know what building is right over this spot? Harriman Tower. Their sub-basement was flooded! He didn't die in a pool. Call the coroner in Rhode Island! Ask if the water in his lungs was chlorinated! Okay, I will. +Okay, I will. You will? +You will? If that's what you want. Yes. +I don't know what to say. I love you. What? +I -- It's like, I resolve to call you up 1000 times a day. To ask you if you'll marry me in some old-fashioned way. Everything you do is magic. Those are song lyrics, Jerry. +Those are song lyrics, Jerry. I know that. I'm just -- I'm nervous. I reached out and grabbed the first thing out there. I know they're song lyrics. And I know how I feel. +I know that. I'm just -- I'm nervous. I reached out and grabbed the first thing out there. I know they're song lyrics. And I know how I feel. I like you, Jerry. A lot. +I like you, Jerry. A lot. Oh, Christ, here it comes. Look, I know you think I'm crazy. I don't think I am, but... +Oh, Christ, here it comes. Look, I know you think I'm crazy. I don't think I am, but... Jerry, I -- +Jerry, I -- What if I reached a point where you didn't think I was crazy anymore? If I was normal. +What if I reached a point where you didn't think I was crazy anymore? If I was normal. If you were eating Kentucky Fried Chicken and drinking Coca-Cola again. +If you were eating Kentucky Fried Chicken and drinking Coca-Cola again. Yeah... Would you, I mean, could you love me then? If I was normal. Maybe? +Yeah... Would you, I mean, could you love me then? If I was normal. Maybe? Don't do this to yourself. Jerry. You don't love me. +You're wrong. Since I met you, I don't dream about holes anymore. Holes? I don't know what you're talking about. +Holes? I don't know what you're talking about. Yesterday you were wondering about the wall. How it was possible. +Yesterday you were wondering about the wall. How it was possible. Now's not really the time to get into this -- +Now's not really the time to get into this -- It's Geronimo. Love. It lets you see things. It gives you insight. I've loved you since the first time I saw you. +Answer me. Was the first time you saw me the first time I saw you? Was it? You've been following me around. Do you see how that could be disconcerting to me? That's not love, Jerry. It's obsession. And it isn't normal and you can't expect me to respond to it and you can't expect me to feel the same way. Can you? I would never hurt you, Liza. Think whatever you want, but don't think that. +I would never hurt you, Liza. Think whatever you want, but don't think that. I don't. I know you wouldn't. +I don't. I know you wouldn't. I thought you -- Why -- Love ruins everything, doesn't it? +You look great. Thanks. +Are you okay? I wish I hadn't told you what I did. But I can't help the way I feel. You don't hold that against me, do you? No. That wouldn't be fair. Where are we going, Jerry? +No. That wouldn't be fair. Where are we going, Jerry? It would be a lot easier for me to show you instead of tell you. But first things first. +What is it? There's a car following us. Probably another one flanking us the next street over. +We're going to Queens? Not today. +Now what? This way. +After you. It's okay. I'm the one who left it here. Where are we going, Jerry? +Where are we going, Jerry? Connecticut. +Connecticut. What's in Connecticut? +What about them? How come serial killers have two names, but lone gunman assassins have three. John Wilkes Booth. Mark David Chapman. Lee Harvey Oswald. +How come serial killers have two names, but lone gunman assassins have three. John Wilkes Booth. Mark David Chapman. Lee Harvey Oswald. John Hinkley. The guy who shot Reagan. He only had two names. +John Hinkley. The guy who shot Reagan. He only had two names. Reagan didn't die. If he had died, everybody would know what Johnny's middle name was. +My father's house. Come on. +How do you really know there's gold in Fort Knox? Just because they say so? We should go to Tennessee and demand to see it. You go. Send me a postcard. +Liza? Did you kill him? +Did you kill him? Is that what they told you? +Is that what they told you? Did you kill my father? +Then why did you have his picture in your safe deposit box? He gave it to me. +He gave it to me. I don't understand. +I don't understand. Where were you the day he died? +Where were you the day he died? At a horse show. +At a horse show. That's the last time you rode, isn't it? Do you think it was your fault? Is that why? +That's the last time you rode, isn't it? Do you think it was your fault? Is that why? Did you kill my father?! +Did you kill my father?! No...! But they trained me to. M.K. ULTRA. EX-CATCHER. America works. Get rid of the crazy people, the lone gunmen, and the system still works. +Jerry. Please. You don't understand. I have to know. It's all I think about. Do you have any idea what it's like not to know? Yeah. I know what it's like. +Yeah. I know what it's like. Then tell me what happened. +Then tell me what happened. Can't give you the details because I can't remember. I went to court to kill him. At the Ezekiel Walters hearing. I was supposed to shoot him at the press conference. You were there. That's the first time I saw you. +Can't give you the details because I can't remember. I went to court to kill him. At the Ezekiel Walters hearing. I was supposed to shoot him at the press conference. You were there. That's the first time I saw you. Love at first sight? +Love at first sight? I don't know what it was. All I know is I had a gun in my hand, but when I saw you standing with him, I couldn't do it. If that's love, it's not so bad. I found a part of myself that day. I couldn't go back. +I don't know what it was. All I know is I had a gun in my hand, but when I saw you standing with him, I couldn't do it. If that's love, it's not so bad. I found a part of myself that day. I couldn't go back. Back where? +Back where? To Jonas. I didn't know that at the time. Didn't know who he was. But I knew inside, whoever he was, he'd send someone else. So I started watching your father. I wanted to keep him safe. +Someone else might call it stalking. My dad felt it. He started carrying a gun. He kept it in the side table in the front hallway. He showed me. I visited a few times. Then one of Jonas's guys visited. When I arrived, your dad was dying. +He kept it in the side table in the front hallway. He showed me. I visited a few times. Then one of Jonas's guys visited. When I arrived, your dad was dying. Why? What do these guys have to do with Ezekiel Walters? +Why? What do these guys have to do with Ezekiel Walters? Walters was their fall guy. Blow up a building and blame a nut. Create fear. Don't you see? Your father wasn't trying to keep Walters in prison. He was looking into getting him out. He didn't believe the official story. +Walters was their fall guy. Blow up a building and blame a nut. Create fear. Don't you see? Your father wasn't trying to keep Walters in prison. He was looking into getting him out. He didn't believe the official story. Why not? +Why not, Jerry? Because he believed me. +How'd you get the picture? Your father, he was dying. He was worried about you. He took your picture out to look at it. He called you his baby. +I believe you. You do? +You got to get out of here. My cell phone's on. Back in the truck. They'll trace it. +They'll trace it. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. It's okay. You... You thought I was bad. +Blue moon... Blue moon... Jerry...? Jerry. +Blue moon... You saw me standing alone ... +Without a song in my heart. Without a love of my own. +Blue moon... You knew just what I was there for. +Liza? Where are you? +How did you know? I spent two years here. This used to bring the med-cart. Demerol. Phenobarb. It's Jacob's Ladder. +Get in. I'll pull you up to the fourth floor. What about you? +What about you? Get up there and we'll get it back down here for me. Now. +Geronimo is down. It's up. Love gives you wings. You can fly away from here. +It's up. Love gives you wings. You can fly away from here. Don't do this. +Don't die on me, Jerry. Okay? I can't promise you anything. +You've been my best friend for years and I didn't even know you were out there. Top pocket... Go on. +They changed Franklin's portrait. You think it's a conspiracy? +You think it's a conspiracy? Don't know, but he looks a lot more like Rosie O'Donnel than Ben Franklin. +I love you, too. Now she tells me. +Do I know you? Yes you do, Jerry. Quite well. +I'm a very patient man. That's great. Good for you. +That's great. Good for you. Who have you been talking to, Jerry? Who else knows what you know? +Who have you been talking to, Jerry? Who else knows what you know? Could you be a little more specific? +What's that? Lysergic acid diethylamide... With a little kicker of my own. Surely it must be coming back to you by now? +We've arranged for you to take the blame. Everyone knows how you've been harassing the poor girl. Liza! +Liza! You shouldn't watch, Jerry. It's a moment without hope. +You shouldn't watch, Jerry. It's a moment without hope. You've never seen her run. +Liza Sutton is dead. Then I can't be hurt anymore. +Thank you. You're welcome. Where's my partner? +You're welcome. Where's my partner? I like that. A gun to your head and you ask about your partner. He's okay. May have a headache for a few days. Are you here with honorable intentions? +I like that. A gun to your head and you ask about your partner. He's okay. May have a headache for a few days. Are you here with honorable intentions? I'm not sure what you mean. +I'm not sure what you mean. You should think of me as Liza Sutton's guardian angel. +You should think of me as Liza Sutton's guardian angel. That's ironic. Because we're here to protect her from you. +That's ironic. Because we're here to protect her from you. You're here because you figured I might show up. +You're here because you figured I might show up. It seemed like a possibility. What about your intentions? Are they honorable? +It seemed like a possibility. What about your intentions? Are they honorable? I'm not a violent man, Mr. Lowry. Not by nature, anyhow. But if you hurt Liza in any way, I'll kill you. Does that seem honorable? +I'm not a violent man, Mr. Lowry. Not by nature, anyhow. But if you hurt Liza in any way, I'll kill you. Does that seem honorable? Well, I don't know if -- +You made your decision yet? I'm leaning toward no. +I'm leaning toward no. That's your option. Ours could be to keep you locked up for a very long time. In case you didn't know it, you're crazy. +I'll do it. On one condition. I want to make sure she's okay. We got someone watching her 24 hours a day. She -- +We got someone watching her 24 hours a day. She -- That's not what I mean. I want to see her. +That's not what I mean. I want to see her. I don't know... +I don't know... Then screw you. I'll rot. +Then screw you. I'll rot. Alright. You can see her. But she can't see you. +Alright. You can see her. But she can't see you. Whatever. +Can I ask you something? A dog bit it. +A dog bit it. Excuse me? +Excuse me? You were going to ask about my nose. The poor animal is slated to be destroyed today. +You were going to ask about my nose. The poor animal is slated to be destroyed today. And you feel bad for it? +And you feel bad for it? It was my dog. Let me ask you a question. How long have you been acquainted with Jerry? +So he thinks NASA is plotting to kill the President? You already asked me that. Why do you insist on making me repeat myself? +You already asked me that. Why do you insist on making me repeat myself? And you have no idea where he lives? +And you have no idea where he lives? You've asked me that one three times. +You've asked me that one three times. Here's a fresh one. Why you? Your colleague Mr. Wilson says Jerry won't speak to anyone else. That seems oddly possessive behavior to me. +Here's a fresh one. Why you? Your colleague Mr. Wilson says Jerry won't speak to anyone else. That seems oddly possessive behavior to me. I'm sorry. What was the question again? +I'm sorry. What was the question again? Why you? +Why you? Honestly? I think he has a crush on me. +Honestly? I think he has a crush on me. A charming term. Now, why him? +A charming term. Now, why him? Excuse me? +Excuse me? Jerry's visits to your office. Why do you tolerate them? Why him? +Jerry's visits to your office. Why do you tolerate them? Why him? A year ago I was leaving work late one night. Two guys tried to mug me. It was horrible. Jerry came out of nowhere. To my rescue. Then he started coming to see me. Could've been a storybook if he wasn't crazy. At first I did my beat to avoid him. But there's something inside Jerry and... Jerry made me see it. He made me see him. That make sense? +Veritas. Truth. What is it they say about truth? The truth shall make you free. +The truth shall make you free. That's it. I went to Yale. I hope you won't hold that against me. +That's it. I went to Yale. I hope you won't hold that against me. Only on the football field. +I didn't know the C.I.A. had psychiatrists. We're very specialized. +We're very specialized. Brain washing, mind control, that sort of thing? +Brain washing, mind control, that sort of thing? Re-educating trained killers in the ways of polite society. Making sure the men who've gone over the edge won't hurt anyone. That sort of thing. +If you're as impressed to see me as I am to see you, you're very impressed indeed. How's Jerry feeling this morning? Fine. What the hell is going on? +Fine. What the hell is going on? Please, sit. +What I'm about to tell you is partially documented. The Freedom of Information Act saw to that. But much more of it isn't. For reasons which will soon be regrettably clear, I'm going to share -- secrets -- with you. Repeat any of it and you'll simply bestow the title of 'paranoid' upon yourself. Truth'll set you free. I'm listening. +Years ago, I worked for the C.I.A. in the M.K. ULTRA program. Are you familiar with it? It was mind control. Manchurian Candidate kind of stuff, right? +It was mind control. Manchurian Candidate kind of stuff, right? A vulgar pop term, but yes. Take an ordinary man and turn him into an assassin. That was our goal. +A vulgar pop term, but yes. Take an ordinary man and turn him into an assassin. That was our goal. Ask what you can do for your country. That kind of thing. +Ask what you can do for your country. That kind of thing. M.K. ULTRA was terminated in 1973. But not the research. It was renamed. EX CATCHER. +M.K. ULTRA was terminated in 1973. But not the research. It was renamed. EX CATCHER. As in Catcher in the Rye? +As in Catcher in the Rye? I am impressed. We used the distinctive cover as a sort of mental flash card. +We experimented with hallucinogens. We used electro- shock to produce a vegetative state. We conducted terminal experiments in sensory deprivation. Terminal? +Terminal? As in 'resulting in death.' We pushed the envelope until it wasn't even an envelope anymore. +As in 'resulting in death.' We pushed the envelope until it wasn't even an envelope anymore. If I had any idea what to charge you with or how to prove it, I'd arrest you right here. +If I had any idea what to charge you with or how to prove it, I'd arrest you right here. Me? I was a minor missionary, a heretic really. But where else could a red-blooded American boy lie, cheat, steal and kill with the sanction and blessings of the All-Highs? Besides, now I'm trying to pay my penance. +Me? I was a minor missionary, a heretic really. But where else could a red-blooded American boy lie, cheat, steal and kill with the sanction and blessings of the All-Highs? Besides, now I'm trying to pay my penance. Missionary? Penance? You talk about it like it was a religion. +Missionary? Penance? You talk about it like it was a religion. It was. It was. +Jerry told me he bit your nose. And what did I say? +And what did I say? A dog. +A dog. My dog. One I intend to put to sleep. Extrapolate from there. +My dog. One I intend to put to sleep. Extrapolate from there. These things you're talking about. You did them to Jerry? +These things you're talking about. You did them to Jerry? Yes, that's right. +I'm still listening. Jerry is dangerous. Jerry has killed -- +Jerry is dangerous. Jerry has killed -- I don't believe you. +Belief is immaterial. What's important is the truth... It's been my job to find Jerry. I'm very much responsible for him. If this was a spy novel, your next words would be something like I now know too much to live. Why are you telling me all this? +If this was a spy novel, your next words would be something like I now know too much to live. Why are you telling me all this? So you'll believe what I tell you next. Because I need to find Jerry. And I don't think I can do that without you. +Where'd you get it? You do recognize it then? +You do recognize it then? It was my father's. Kept it in his wallet. He was murdered -- +It was my father's. Kept it in his wallet. He was murdered -- I know the story. A federal judge. He denied a man in prison an appeal for a new trial. +I know the story. A federal judge. He denied a man in prison an appeal for a new trial. Not a man. Ezekiel Walters. +Not a man. Ezekiel Walters. Walters had nothing to do with your father's murder. +Walters had nothing to do with your father's murder. You sound so sure. +In Jerry's safety deposit box. I don't understand. +It's okay. I'm game. I want this box rigged with a beacon! +So, you doing anything tonight? Working. +Working. Hmm, how about tomorrow night? +Hmm, how about tomorrow night? Working. +Working. Night after that? +Night after that? Look, you're a nice guy, but I'm not really dating right now. +Look, you're a nice guy, but I'm not really dating right now. I'm not that good at 'no,' Liza. +I'm not that good at 'no,' Liza. Too bad. Because I'm terrible at 'yes.' +Liza, settle a bet for us. What do I look like to you? Switzerland? +Federal Bureau of Investigation. I need to speak with an Agent Lowry. +I need to speak with an Agent Lowry. The office is closed for the evening. Is this an emergency? +The office is closed for the evening. Is this an emergency? Do you have an Agent Lowry in your New York office? +Yes. Then this is a goddamn emergency. +Go ahead, Miss Sutton. Agent Lowry? +Ah, your psychotic is here. Not today... +Tell him I'm on vacation. That I won't be back for two weeks. I don't know if you're the best lawyer I've got or a high school sophomore. +I've been given a cease and desist on all matters relating to Jerry Fletcher. We're not to discuss him with the press, the N.Y.P.D., anyone. Building police are to arrest him on sight and we're to report any attempt he makes to contact you. This doesn't make sense. +This doesn't make sense. It makes perfect sense. Field work is not our oeuvre. +It makes perfect sense. Field work is not our oeuvre. I don't like it. Something's wrong. +I don't like it. Something's wrong. Dr. Jonas thought you might be inclined not to cooperate. Why is that? +Dr. Jonas thought you might be inclined not to cooperate. Why is that? We don't know who Jonas is. We don't know who it is we're cooperating with. +We don't know who Jonas is. We don't know who it is we're cooperating with. I've had a lot of credentials flashed in my face, Liza. What I saw yesterday, I know not to ask questions. We're out. Shut off. Terminated. Understood? +I've had a lot of credentials flashed in my face, Liza. What I saw yesterday, I know not to ask questions. We're out. Shut off. Terminated. Understood? -- Understood. +Go to the northeast corner. Call a cab. Bring the pizza. Then there's a poem. Roses are red, violets are blue, if the Pope goes to Washington, I would, too. What the hell does that mean? +We're waiting for jurisdictional problems to be cleared up. This guy Fletcher's something else. Tell me about it. +Tell me about it. While we walk. D.C. police want him for assault. Secret Service for counterfeiting and we're tracking him on a string of bank robberies. No one knows what the C.I.A. wants him for. +While we walk. D.C. police want him for assault. Secret Service for counterfeiting and we're tracking him on a string of bank robberies. No one knows what the C.I.A. wants him for. Wait -- +Guy's a C.I.A. shrink. Here to I.D. Fletcher. They knew each other somehow. You don't understand -- +Which way did he go? I don't know. Didn't see him. +That's the book Hinkley had on him when he shot Reagan. I was just thinking that. +You're welcome! Spooks. So, you want to compare notes on this guy. No. Not yet. +Agent Lowry. Wasn't my idea. +Wasn't my idea. Jonas? +Jonas? It's his show for now. Look, you want to get some dinner? Inter- Agency cooperation and all? +When I'm ready to compare notes, I'll let you know. Your call. Have a good night. +Can I talk to you a second? Go ahead. We'll be right down. +Do you believe me? Yeah, I do. +Yeah, I do. I want to believe you, too. +I want to believe you, too. What do you mean? +Who's the Deputy Director of the F.B.I.? You think we have time to fool around like this? Come on. +What gave me away? Nothing. I was just making sure. So, who are you? +I'm, it really doesn't matter. Think C.I.A. and exponentiate. I'm a government employee and I've been watching Jerry for awhile. And Jonas? +And Jonas? He's why I watch Jerry. Jerry's the bait for Jonas. +He's why I watch Jerry. Jerry's the bait for Jonas. He's shown himself. Why haven't you arrested him or killed him or done whatever it is you do? +He's shown himself. Why haven't you arrested him or killed him or done whatever it is you do? Jonas builds assassins for a living. Several of whom may be in place already. We'd like to kill a few birds with one stone. +Jonas builds assassins for a living. Several of whom may be in place already. We'd like to kill a few birds with one stone. Where do you think Jerry is? +Where do you think Jerry is? No idea. Honest. What are you going to do? +No idea. Honest. What are you going to do? I'm going to find him. Because he'd find me. +I'm going to find him. Because he'd find me. Don't go home. And don't go to work. Either one could be bad. +Don't go home. And don't go to work. Either one could be bad. What do you suggest? +What do you suggest? That you come with me. +That you come with me. I don't think so. +What? I'm not sure. We have no launch protocol; the entry of the passenger is supposed to initiate activation. +I'm not sure. We have no launch protocol; the entry of the passenger is supposed to initiate activation. Anything happening in there, El? +We have benzel activation, repeat, we have benzel activation. Control to Arroway, you okay in there? Repeat, Control to Arroway, come back. Ellie? +We've lost contact. Pull the plug. Get her out of there. +Pull the plug. Get her out of there. There's no plug to pull. +There's no plug to pull. What? +What? There is no abort procedure -- we don't know how we turned the damn thing on, let alone how to turn it off. +... And this is how the extraterrestrial presented himself to you? As your father? Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. He died... ... in 1972. +He died... ... in 1972. Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. Dr. Arroway, do you think it's possible you had some kind of... delusional episode. +Is it possible...? All the elements are there. A woman, orphaned young, under a great deal of stress. The failure of a project she's staked her self-worth and very sense of identity on -- induces a fantasy of reuniting with her 'father in heaven' as it were. Is it possible? +You don't believe it to be... tell me something, Doctor. Why do you think they would go to all this trouble... bring you tens of thousands of light years, and then send you home without a shred of proof? Sort of bad form, wouldn't you say? What was their intent? I don't know. Ultimately their motives may be as incomprehensible as their technology. +Dr. Arroway -- Michael Kitz, National Security Advisor. +Michael Kitz, National Security Advisor. Dr. Arroway, let me first say -- +Mike, because of the Earth's rotation we're only in line with Vega so many hours a day; the only way to get the whole message is to cooperate with other stations. If Dr. Arroway hadn't moved quickly we could have lost key elements. Okay, fine, they've got the primes -- but if you're right about there being another more significant transmission still to come -- +Hope there's a cartoon. How is that possible? How could all that information be encoded in -- +What in the hell...? It's a hoax. I knew it! +-- Or 'you're our kind of people --' -- It's extremely unlikely that they had any idea what they were looking at. +Now I remember why I went into theoretical work. Kent. Glad to have you, David. How's the new office? +Glad to have you, David. How's the new office? Still settling in, really. Where's Dr. Arroway? +Nothing. Okay. Some of us have been a little... not concerned, exactly, but... Tell me. +Tell me. Last week, about 3 A.M., Fish -- Dr. Fisher -- was on a late shift, and he found her doing laundry. +Last week, about 3 A.M., Fish -- Dr. Fisher -- was on a late shift, and he found her doing laundry. So? +So? So... there wasn't any clothes in the machine. She was just sitting there on the floor with her ear pressed up against the Maytag. Listening. +I'm sorry, Miss Arroway, not only is it too Speculative a subject for a doctoral dissertation, at this point in your career it'd be tantamount to suicide. I'm willing to take that risk. +I'm willing to take that risk. I'm not. You're far too promising a scientist to waste your considerable gifts on this nonsense -- +I'm not. You're far too promising a scientist to waste your considerable gifts on this nonsense -- Dr. Drumlin, we are talking about what could potentially be the most important discovery in the history of humanity. There are over four hundred billion stars out there -- +Dr. Drumlin, we are talking about what could potentially be the most important discovery in the history of humanity. There are over four hundred billion stars out there -- And only two probabilities: One: there is intelligent life in the universe but they're so far away you'll never contact it in your lifetime -- +And only two probabilities: One: there is intelligent life in the universe but they're so far away you'll never contact it in your lifetime -- You're -- +You're -- Two: There's nothing out there but noble gasses and carbon compounds and you'd be wasting your time. +Two: There's nothing out there but noble gasses and carbon compounds and you'd be wasting your time. What if you're wrong? No -- I'll grant you probabilities but as a scientist without all the evidence -- you can't deny the possibility -- and I believe even the remotest possibility of something this profoundly... profound is worth investigation -- and worth taking a few risks. +What if you're wrong? No -- I'll grant you probabilities but as a scientist without all the evidence -- you can't deny the possibility -- and I believe even the remotest possibility of something this profoundly... profound is worth investigation -- and worth taking a few risks. I disagree. +I disagree. Then disagree but don't stand in my way! +Pepsi? Tequila? No, thanks. +Peter sends his regards. Oh? How's he doing? +Oh? How's he doing? Very well; since my appointment he's been made interim director. +Very well; since my appointment he's been made interim director. Really? Congratulations, by the way. +Really? Congratulations, by the way. I'm surprised you even knew it was an election year. +I'm surprised you even knew it was an election year. 'President's Science Advisor' -- so what, you just spend all your time jetting around on Air Force One now...? +'President's Science Advisor' -- so what, you just spend all your time jetting around on Air Force One now...? Now exactly. It's... complicated. +Now exactly. It's... complicated. No doubt. +No doubt. Ellie... +Ellie... Did I tell you we've expanded the search spectrum? We're including several other possible magic frequencies -- not just the hydrogen line anymore. I was trying to get inside their heads, y'know? And I started thinking, what other constants are there in the Universe besides hydrogen, and then suddenly it was so obvious -- transcendantals, right? So we've been trying variations of pi... +Did I tell you we've expanded the search spectrum? We're including several other possible magic frequencies -- not just the hydrogen line anymore. I was trying to get inside their heads, y'know? And I started thinking, what other constants are there in the Universe besides hydrogen, and then suddenly it was so obvious -- transcendantals, right? So we've been trying variations of pi... You know why I'm here. +You know why I'm here. It's not enough having my search time systematically cut down -- you know I'm down to three hours a week now. +It's not enough having my search time systematically cut down -- you know I'm down to three hours a week now. Ellie, I should have done this a long time ago, certainly before I left the N.S.F., but I wanted to give you every benefit of the doubt -- +Ellie, I should have done this a long time ago, certainly before I left the N.S.F., but I wanted to give you every benefit of the doubt -- You can't just pull the plug, David. +You can't just pull the plug, David. It's not like you've given me much choice. +It's not like you've given me much choice. Meaning... +Meaning... Meaning I have to go defend a budget to the President and to Congress and you're out here listening to washing machines. +Meaning I have to go defend a budget to the President and to Congress and you're out here listening to washing machines. I'm searching for patterns in the noise, that's all. Order in the chaos. I'm practicing listening -- +I'm searching for patterns in the noise, that's all. Order in the chaos. I'm practicing listening -- The point is, this isn't just scientific inquiry anymore -- it's turned into some kind of personal obsession. +The point is, this isn't just scientific inquiry anymore -- it's turned into some kind of personal obsession. The difference being what -- that I refuse to adopt the standard line, that I don't care about the results of my work? Well, I do care. Of course any discovery has to be verifiable, of course it must be subject to all rigors of scientific method, but I refuse to go around pretending I'm some kind of dispassionate automaton when it's obvious to anyone with a brain I'm just not. +The difference being what -- that I refuse to adopt the standard line, that I don't care about the results of my work? Well, I do care. Of course any discovery has to be verifiable, of course it must be subject to all rigors of scientific method, but I refuse to go around pretending I'm some kind of dispassionate automaton when it's obvious to anyone with a brain I'm just not. No... You're not. But the price has just gotten too high. +No... You're not. But the price has just gotten too high. Goddamnit, they are out there, David -- +Goddamnit, they are out there, David -- Then why haven't you detected any signals? If, as you claim, there have been thousands, millions of advanced civilizations out there for millions of years then why hasn't one signal gotten through? It'll take a month or two for the paperwork to go through; you're welcome to stay until then. +Then why haven't you detected any signals? If, as you claim, there have been thousands, millions of advanced civilizations out there for millions of years then why hasn't one signal gotten through? It'll take a month or two for the paperwork to go through; you're welcome to stay until then. David -- +David -- It was a worthy experiment -- worthy of you; I was wrong about that part. But it's over now. +Mathematics is the only truly universal language, Senator. We think this may be a beacon -- an announcement to get our attention. If it's attention you want I'd say you've got it. Just one thing: Why Vega? Everyone's looked at Vega for years with no results, and now, yesterday, they start broadcasting primes. Why? +If it's attention you want I'd say you've got it. Just one thing: Why Vega? Everyone's looked at Vega for years with no results, and now, yesterday, they start broadcasting primes. Why? It's hardly yesterday; the signal's been traveling for over twenty-six years. As for why... I'm hoping your own expertise in decryption algorithms will help us find out -- to see if there's another message buried deeper in the signal. +... could it be a nested code of some sort? You must have checked the signal for polarization modulation already... +Throw a gray scale on it; standard interpolation. Rotate 90 degrees counterclock wise. +... Arrangements also have to be made for the V.I.P.s coming in, mostly religious leaders... What? Why? +What? Why? The theological ramifications of all this are obvious; the President feels we need to include religious interests rather than alienate them. She's also named Palmer Joss as their liaison; he's requested a meeting with you. +The theological ramifications of all this are obvious; the President feels we need to include religious interests rather than alienate them. She's also named Palmer Joss as their liaison; he's requested a meeting with you. With me. +With me. Apparently he's genuinely interested in science. This could be a chance to win him over. +Apparently he's genuinely interested in science. This could be a chance to win him over. I'm going to convert Mr. Science-is- the-root-of-all-evil? This is absurd, David. We have work to do here, I don't have time to play babysitter to the God Squad. +I'm going to convert Mr. Science-is- the-root-of-all-evil? This is absurd, David. We have work to do here, I don't have time to play babysitter to the God Squad. Ellie -- +I want you to listen to me, carefully. The minute the implications of this message became clear, this stopped being simply a scientific matter and became a political one -- an extremely complex, extremely volatile one. There are forces at work here you don't understand; I can help you up to a point, but only up to a point. Are you threatening me? +Are you threatening me? It's not a threat, Ellie, it's a fact -- if you're not careful, you may find yourself out in the cold very quickly. Play ball. Really. It's good advice. +Ms. President, this is communist paranoia right out of War of the Worlds. There is no reason whatsoever to believe the ETIs intentions are hostile. We pose no threat to them -- it would be like us going out of our way to destroy microbes on a beach in Africa. Interesting analogy. And how guilty would we feel if we happened to destroy some microbes on a beach in Africa? +What is it? What's happened? We've cracked it. Lunacharsky found it. +We've cracked it. Lunacharsky found it. You mean -- +You mean -- You were right, Ellie. You were right all along. +David -- Ellie. +Ellie. Do you have a minute -- ? +Do you have a minute -- ? Actually I'm running late -- +Actually I'm running late -- It'll just take a moment. +David... I know we've had our differences... but I've always thought of you as a fair man, even when we've disagreed -- and It's in that light I'm hoping you'll consider my request... I don't understand. +I don't understand. I'm asking for your help, David. I want to go. They'll need someone relatively young, unattached -- and probably a scientist. As the President's Science Advisor you have enormous weight... I'm asking if you'll support my candidacy. +I'm asking for your help, David. I want to go. They'll need someone relatively young, unattached -- and probably a scientist. As the President's Science Advisor you have enormous weight... I'm asking if you'll support my candidacy. Ellie... you should know that I'm no longer the President's Science Advisor. +Ellie... you should know that I'm no longer the President's Science Advisor. What? +What? As of three o'clock this afternoon. I submitted my resignation. +You... Excuse me, I'm late for a meeting. +... Two years is still a hell of a long time -- and as far as we can tell there aren't any provisions in the machine design for storing food, water, even air... ... I can't believe they wouldn't take something as basic as our biological needs into account... +They knew our level of development. If, as you say, they've done this many times they'd be well aware of the implications. Maybe they are. Maybe this is all part of the package. The building of the machine has demanded international cooperation on an unprecedented scale. Maybe requiring us to come together in this way was, in effect, part of the plan. +You aren't staying? This... seemed best. +This... seemed best. Right. Well. +Right. Well. Good luck, David. +Ellie... we both know that if I was any kind of a man, I never would've entered this race. That I would have told the President straight out: Helen, Eleanor Arroway is naive and strident and an enormous pain in the ass... but she's got more courage and intelligence than the rest of us put together. That more then anyone else on the planet, she's earned this. And that she should be the one to go because she's the best we have. But that's not who I am. I like to think it's who I might've been if things had gone a different way; that I might have been worthy, really worthy of what I've been given... You do what you have to do. And in the end, as with everything, it comes down to power. And it isn't fair... What would you have me say, David? +What would you have me say, David? Nothing. I guess I just wanted to thank you. +Nothing. I guess I just wanted to thank you. Thank you? +Thank you? For giving me a chance, just for a moment, to feel what it must be like to be you. +What does it say? It could be anything. The first volume of some Encyclopedia Galactica... +Because you cut it from the budget three years running. How soon will you be able to decode it? +... And while its function remains, for the moment, a mystery, my best guess is that it represents a transport of some kind. A transport. So are they coming or are we going? +Mr. Rank's organization represents the point of view of tens of millions of families, Dr. Arroway. Feel free to disagree, but there won't be any suppressing of opinions here today. Yes -- of course -- all I'm saying is, this message was written in the language of science -- mathematics -- and was clearly intended to be received by scientists. If it had been religious in nature it should have taken the form of a burning bush, or a booming voice from the sky... +What's the status of the decryption effort? Well -- +Dr. Lunacharsky...? Analyzing signal polarization shifts. +What... In ancient times when parchment was in short supply people would write over old writing... it was called a palimpsest. +In ancient times when parchment was in short supply people would write over old writing... it was called a palimpsest. A third layer. +There's no way of knowing. Without a key -- a primer, to help us, maybe never. Maybe it'll be at the end of the data when the message recycles. +What? We've repeated. A few minutes ago the message cycled back to page one. +We've repeated. A few minutes ago the message cycled back to page one. And? +And? No primer. +No primer. How can that be? +How can that be? I don't know. Maybe there is a fourth layer in there somewhere, but if there is, I sure as hell can't find it. +J39 Z186...? Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. +Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. VB10's an M dwarf; Signa Draconis... too old. +Got a bogey, boss? I'm not sure. You mind checking right ascension 18 hours, 34 minutes; declination plus 38 degrees 41 minutes? +Hydrogen times pi... Got it. Strong sucker. Put it on speakers. +That can't be right; it's only twenty-six light years away. I scanned it at Arecibo; negative results, always. +How's the spying tonight, guys? NORAD's not tracking any spacecraft in our vector including snoops; shuttle Endeavor's in sleep mode. +Dr. Cullers? Kent, Kent for Chrissakes. You must be Eleanor. +Kent, Kent for Chrissakes. You must be Eleanor. Ellie. Pulsar? +Ellie. Pulsar? 1919+21. Found a glitch in the timing; probably a starquake. +1919+21. Found a glitch in the timing; probably a starquake. Nice. Where? +Here, right around Centaurus A. This is how you see the sky? +This is how you see the sky? It's how I hear it. The display's just a little something I programmed for astronomers with the misfortune of sight. +It's how I hear it. The display's just a little something I programmed for astronomers with the misfortune of sight. It's beautiful. +It's beautiful. Never seen the optical sky myself, but I hear it's nice too. +You've only searched -- what is it, sixteen hundred stars without a peep? Try not to take it too personally. Thank you, Mr. Sensitive. I'm coming at this wrong... missing something... something... +Okay, let's just slow down. Pull up the starfield signal origin. It can't be coming from Vega, the system's too young. +Can't we get rid of them? It's a civilian facility. +I think we just hit the cosmic jackpot. It's incredibly rich. We've been cataloging it in frames or 'pages'; right now we're on 10,413. +I'll come right to the point, Doctor. Your sending this message all over the world may well be a breach of National Security. This isn't a person to person call, Mr. Kitz. I don't really think the civilization sending the message intended it just for Americans. +This isn't a person to person call, Mr. Kitz. I don't really think the civilization sending the message intended it just for Americans. I'm saying you might have consulted us; the contents of this message could be extremely sensitive... +I'm saying you might have consulted us; the contents of this message could be extremely sensitive... You want to classify prime numbers? +-- which we'll also need the network's help to receive and decode! You don't seem to understand that it's your interests I'm trying to protect -- ! +Colonel Jarrod, I'd like a twenty mile radio-silent perimeter put around this installation immediately. And a hundred mile airspace. +And a hundred mile airspace. And a hundred mile airspace. +Pardon me, but you can't do -- ! If at some later date the message proves harmless, we can discuss sharing it with the rest of the world, but until then -- +If at some later date the message proves harmless, we can discuss sharing it with the rest of the world, but until then -- That's terrific, but there's one problem: we don't have the means to receive all the data on our own. +... I don't understand it. All I can think is that maybe because the video gear wasn't accounted for in the original plans it somehow violated the integrity of the design. Is that your official response? +Is that your official response? I don't have an official response, Michael. All I have are the same questions you have. +There is no direct evidence, no. And current theory holds that to sustain the sort of wormholes you're talking about, even for a fraction of a second, would require more energy than our sun produces in a year, is that correct? +And current theory holds that to sustain the sort of wormholes you're talking about, even for a fraction of a second, would require more energy than our sun produces in a year, is that correct? I don't have the figures in front of me, but yes, that sounds about right. +I don't have the figures in front of me, but yes, that sounds about right. In fact, by all the laws of physics we know what you claim to have experienced is simply impossible. +In fact, by all the laws of physics we know what you claim to have experienced is simply impossible. By our standards... yes. +Please answer the question, Doctor. Is it possible. Yes. But -- +Is it possible. Yes. But -- Thank you, Doctor. Now -- +Thank you, Doctor. Now -- -- but I don't believe it to be the truth. +So why don't you admit what by your own standards must be the truth: that this experience simply didn't happen. Because I can't. +Small moves, Captain, small moves. I can't move any smaller. +I can't move any smaller. Try again between the static and 'Hey Jude'; that's where they're hiding. +Talk to him. But what do I say? +But what do I say? Just be yourself, Captain. Find out where he is. +Could we hear to China? On that old shortwave? Maybe on a clear night. Come on now, under the covers. +On that old shortwave? Maybe on a clear night. Come on now, under the covers. Could we hear to the moon? +Could we hear to the moon? Big enough radio, I don't see why not. +Big enough radio, I don't see why not. Could we hear God? +Could we hear God? Mmm, that's a good one. Maybe his echo... Okay, no more stalling. +Mmm, that's a good one. Maybe his echo... Okay, no more stalling. Okay, okay... there. +Pensacola. That's a beauty, Captain. Now get some sleep. +Time to sleep now, Captain. But you can ask more questions in the morning, okay? Okay. +I used... I used to dream you were alive... and then I'd wake up and lose you all over again. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, sweetheart. +I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, sweetheart. Dad... But tell me, how did... I mean how can...? +You're not real. None of this is. That's my scientist. +That's my scientist. So. Are you an hallucination? Or are little gear trains and circuit boards under your skin? +So. Are you an hallucination? Or are little gear trains and circuit boards under your skin? Am I artifact or dream? You might ask that about anything. +Am I artifact or dream? You might ask that about anything. But you're so... I mean how could you possibly...? When I was unconscious. You... downloaded... my thoughts, my memories, even... This beach. I've never been here but I remember... it's how I always imagined... Pensacola. +But you're so... I mean how could you possibly...? When I was unconscious. You... downloaded... my thoughts, my memories, even... This beach. I've never been here but I remember... it's how I always imagined... Pensacola. We thought this might make things a little easier. +So who -- what -- are you? Originally just another species like yourselves. Well, not like you at all actually, but... +Originally just another species like yourselves. Well, not like you at all actually, but... Can you show me? +Can you show me? Small moves, Captain, small moves. +Small moves, Captain, small moves. Why did you contact us? +Why did you contact us? You contacted us. We were simply listening. We've been listening for millions of years. +You contacted us. We were simply listening. We've been listening for millions of years. And those other docking ports I saw... I mean... there are others? +And those other docking ports I saw... I mean... there are others? Many others. +Many others. And they all travel here through this wormhole subway system you built. +And they all travel here through this wormhole subway system you built. Oh, we didn't build it. The transit system has been in place for billions of years; we're just its... caretakers. +Oh, we didn't build it. The transit system has been in place for billions of years; we're just its... caretakers. So who...? +So who...? We don't know. Whoever they were, they were gone long before we ever got here. +We don't know. Whoever they were, they were gone long before we ever got here. The scale... it's just... So all the civilizations you detect; they all end up coming here? +The scale... it's just... So all the civilizations you detect; they all end up coming here? Not all. Some choose to stay at home and dream their dreams. Some never make it this far. +Not all. Some choose to stay at home and dream their dreams. Some never make it this far. So we passed some kind of test? +So we passed some kind of test? You have your mother's hands... There are no tests, Ellie. We don't sit in judgment. Think of us more as... librarians. Curators of the Universe's rarest and most valuable creation... +... life is unspeakably rare. So whenever we do find another civilization, especially one that's... struggling... We send a message. Sometimes we can offer help. Sometimes we can't. But we always try. Life is simply too precious not to. Can you help us? +Am I one... or many? The librarian... or the library...? +... all those voices... you gather them all together. Millions of intelligences in one consciousness... and now we're a part of it. You always have been. We're all descendants of the same stars, Ellie. All made of the same primordial atoms. +You always have been. We're all descendants of the same stars, Ellie. All made of the same primordial atoms. So. What happens now? +So. What happens now? Now... you go home. +Now... you go home. No! I mean... why so soon? +No! I mean... why so soon? If we don't engineer a consistent causality it'll work itself out on its own, and that's almost always worse. Ellie, according to your physics none of this is possible. A lot of it you're simply not capable of understanding, not yet. No offense. +If we don't engineer a consistent causality it'll work itself out on its own, and that's almost always worse. Ellie, according to your physics none of this is possible. A lot of it you're simply not capable of understanding, not yet. No offense. None taken... but ... do we get to come back? Others of my kind, I mean. +Eventually you'll get here on your own. This was just the first step; in time you'll take another. But -- other people from our planet should see what I've seen -- they should witness this for themselves. +But -- other people from our planet should see what I've seen -- they should witness this for themselves. That isn't the way it works. +That isn't the way it works. But you said you wanted to help -- don't you see what it would mean? +But you said you wanted to help -- don't you see what it would mean? No more stalling, Captain. +No more stalling, Captain. Please -- if you... downloaded... everything about us you know the problems we face, the impact it could have -- it could make the difference -- +Please -- if you... downloaded... everything about us you know the problems we face, the impact it could have -- it could make the difference -- Ellie... this is the way it's been done for billions of years... +It's time to go home now. No. Please. +No. Please. Childhood is over, Ellie. It's time to grow up. +S.R. Hadden... You compromised our security codes. Once upon a time I was a hell of an engineer. Please, sit, Doctor. I have guests so rarely, it's important to me they feel welcome in my home. Did you know this was once Yeltsin's flying dascha? That dent is where he threw a bottle of vodka at the pilot. At least that's what the people who sold me the plane said... +You live here. I find it convenient to keep my interests... mobile. Anyway, I've had my fill of life on the ground. After spending much of this century pursuing the evils and pleasures the world has to offer -- after outliving three wives and two children... I find I've had quite enough of planet Earth. +I find it convenient to keep my interests... mobile. Anyway, I've had my fill of life on the ground. After spending much of this century pursuing the evils and pleasures the world has to offer -- after outliving three wives and two children... I find I've had quite enough of planet Earth. Why am I here, Mr. Hadden? +Why am I here, Mr. Hadden? The infamous, unfashionable bluntness. You're here so we can do business. I want to make a deal. +The infamous, unfashionable bluntness. You're here so we can do business. I want to make a deal. What kind of deal? +What kind of deal? The powers that be have been quite busy lately, falling over each other to position themselves for the game of the century, if not the millennium. Perhaps you've noticed. Perhaps I could help deal you back in. +The powers that be have been quite busy lately, falling over each other to position themselves for the game of the century, if not the millennium. Perhaps you've noticed. Perhaps I could help deal you back in. I didn't realize I was out. +I didn't realize I was out. Oh, maybe not out -- but definitely looking for you coat. I understand you've had some difficulty locating the -- what are you calling it? The 'primer' that will make decryption possible... I've found it. +Oh, maybe not out -- but definitely looking for you coat. I understand you've had some difficulty locating the -- what are you calling it? The 'primer' that will make decryption possible... I've found it. You've... found it. What could I possibly have that you would want, Mr. Hadden? +You've... found it. What could I possibly have that you would want, Mr. Hadden? I've had a long time to make enemies, Dr. Arroway. There are many governments, business interests, even religious leaders who would like to see me disappear. And I will grant them their wish soon enough... But before I do, I wish to make a small contribution -- a final gesture of goodwill toward the people of this little planet who've given -- from whom I've taken so much. +I've had a long time to make enemies, Dr. Arroway. There are many governments, business interests, even religious leaders who would like to see me disappear. And I will grant them their wish soon enough... But before I do, I wish to make a small contribution -- a final gesture of goodwill toward the people of this little planet who've given -- from whom I've taken so much. If I knew you any better I'd say that doesn't sound like you. +If I knew you any better I'd say that doesn't sound like you. That's my girl... Lights. +Page after page of data -- over sixty-three thousand in all, if I'm not mistaken... and at the end of each... A page-break signal. A period. +A page-break signal. A period. Not if you think like a Vegan. +Not if you think like a Vegan. You're saying... there is no separate primer in the message -- because it's on every page so the recipient can decipher it wherever he is -- +You're saying... there is no separate primer in the message -- because it's on every page so the recipient can decipher it wherever he is -- -- even if he doesn't receive the entire transmission. Heaven is the mustard seed. +Some kind of circuitry...? Very good, Doctor. I've also detected structural elements, back references, a general movement from the simple to the complex -- all of which would seem to indicate instructions -- an enormously complicated set of instructions -- for building something. +Very good, Doctor. I've also detected structural elements, back references, a general movement from the simple to the complex -- all of which would seem to indicate instructions -- an enormously complicated set of instructions -- for building something. A machine. But a machine that does what? +A machine. But a machine that does what? That would seem to be the question of the hour. I want to build it, Doctor. Of course I'm already lobbying through the usual channels of influence and corruption -- but as I said, my colorful past has made many of those channels... difficult to navigate. I need someone on the inside. +That would seem to be the question of the hour. I want to build it, Doctor. Of course I'm already lobbying through the usual channels of influence and corruption -- but as I said, my colorful past has made many of those channels... difficult to navigate. I need someone on the inside. And in return? +And in return? In return... you get the primer -- and with it the power to stay in the game. Do we have a deal? +Mr. Hadden, I'm a scientist; I don't make deals... But. If you wish to give me, in good faith, access to your information, I can assure you that I will exert all reasonable efforts to promote your cause wherever it doesn't conflict with the best interests of science... or my better judgment. That's my girl. Done. +A sunrise and a sunset every forty- five minutes. It's so... small. +It's so... small. Poor, tired, spinning girl... How we feasted on her. And now that we've had our fill and given her a giant dose of the clap... we're pulling out. That's Paris, where my daughter was born. Moscow, where gangsters rule the night and I gave up smoking. So many battles, so many lives... all that sturm, and drang. As if it never happened. If it weren't for a few power grids, you wouldn't know we existed. +What's that? Japanese squid fleet. They use lights to attract them to the surface... then turn them into sushi. +It looks like pixie dust... Kent would've given anything to see this. David, too. Yes. A shame. Still... it'd be worse if they died for nothing. +Yes. A shame. Still... it'd be worse if they died for nothing. What are you talking about? It's over. +What are you talking about? It's over. Oh, not quite yet. At least for their sake... ... I hope it's not. Because they're running out of time. +Oh, not quite yet. At least for their sake... ... I hope it's not. Because they're running out of time. You sound like Joseph. You think the world ends with the millennium? +You sound like Joseph. You think the world ends with the millennium? I think whoever sent the message did it because they're worried about us. +I think whoever sent the message did it because they're worried about us. The gods sent us the machine because they took pity on us. +The gods sent us the machine because they took pity on us. Wouldn't you if you saw Hitler on TV? Come; I want to show you something. +Hokkaido Island. The systems integration site. +The systems integration site. Mmm. Look closer. +As each component was tested and shipped off to Texas a duplicate was maintained and assembled in Hokkaido -- for backup purposes, of course. We've been right behind you the entire time. You see my problem: I couldn't appear to control too large a percentage; my enemies wouldn't stand for it. So I simply made sure the Japanese consortium received the systems integration contract. Of course no one had to know the corporations involved were recently acquired, wholly-owned subsidiaries -- -- of Hadden Industries. +Why don't you come back with me? Can't. Doctor's orders. The low oxygen/zero gravity environment is the only thing keeping the cancer from eating me alive. It's all right -- I like it here. Ever try sex in zero-G? +Very well. Assume this is true. Assume they have only the best of intentions. Suppose they decide to just step in and solve all our problems for us. You have no objection to them so flagrantly intervening in human affairs? We've just lived through a century of incredible violence and self- destruction. Do you call it 'interventionist' when you stop a toddler from walking in front of a truck? +I'd say this is slightly different. Perhaps. But on the off-chance that it is a 'doomsday device' of some kind, I plan to be very far away from your lovely Texas when it is activated. +Perhaps. But on the off-chance that it is a 'doomsday device' of some kind, I plan to be very far away from your lovely Texas when it is activated. I thought you were here because you want to go. +I thought you were here because you want to go. I do. More than anything. But I am also a realist. Soon this... what is your charming term -- ? Dog and pony show will finally be over, and I will go home. +I do. More than anything. But I am also a realist. Soon this... what is your charming term -- ? Dog and pony show will finally be over, and I will go home. You're implying that the whole selection process is a sham? +You're implying that the whole selection process is a sham? I think it is your naivete I like best about you, Eleanor. Oh, there'll be a worldwide protest, but we all knew it from the very beginning. You Americans discovered the signal, you led the decryption effort. The machine is being built on your home soil... Of course the passenger will be an American, chosen by Americans. Anyway, it is what the whole world wants, no? This is the big show. The sort you put on better than anyone. It's good marketing. It's good casting. It's the American way. +... Drumlin said you're been down at Arecibo for the last year. It's beautiful but it does get a little lonely. Sometimes I think the reason we build these things in such godforsaken places isn't to avoid excess radio traffic but because we're all such pathetic antisocial misfits... Speaking of which: How're you getting on with the old man? +It's beautiful but it does get a little lonely. Sometimes I think the reason we build these things in such godforsaken places isn't to avoid excess radio traffic but because we're all such pathetic antisocial misfits... Speaking of which: How're you getting on with the old man? He's an incredible prick but I never learned so much in my life. +He's an incredible prick but I never learned so much in my life. That's what they all say. +Ellie. Arroway. Peter Valerian. +Peter Valerian. Sounds like a Russian general. +Sounds like a Russian general. Yavol. +I read your paper on ETI's. It's brilliant. Keep it down, okay? Drumlin thinks I'm enough of a flake as it is. Look -- everyone here has their little fetishes. Caven goes to topless bars, Vernon's got his carnivorous plants... mine just happens to be extraterrestrial intelligence. +Keep it down, okay? Drumlin thinks I'm enough of a flake as it is. Look -- everyone here has their little fetishes. Caven goes to topless bars, Vernon's got his carnivorous plants... mine just happens to be extraterrestrial intelligence. What a coincidence. It happens to be my fetish too. +... I'm just so sick of feeling defensive about the things I care about! Or being lumped in with the lunatic fringe by people like Drumlin, when if they'd just put aside their preconceptions for two seconds and look at the facts... They can't. I think it's against human nature to admit to that level of... insignificance; to not see yourself as basically the center of the universe. +They can't. I think it's against human nature to admit to that level of... insignificance; to not see yourself as basically the center of the universe. It's like the pre-Copernicans who swore the sun revolved around the Earth, or the Victorians at the end of the last century who concluded that all major discoveries had now been made. I mean... try to imagine civilization a thousand years ahead of us -- then imagine trying to explain... I dunno, a microwave oven -- to someone even a hundred years ago -- I mean the basic concepts didn't exist... +It's like the pre-Copernicans who swore the sun revolved around the Earth, or the Victorians at the end of the last century who concluded that all major discoveries had now been made. I mean... try to imagine civilization a thousand years ahead of us -- then imagine trying to explain... I dunno, a microwave oven -- to someone even a hundred years ago -- I mean the basic concepts didn't exist... 'Any sufficiently advanced technology...' +'Any sufficiently advanced technology...' '... is indistinguishable from magic.' +... I keep telling myself okay, that's just the price, you have to do your time doing shitwork before you're allowed to get to the good stuff... but if I have to catalog one more quasar... God, I've missed you. Any luck on the grant money? +Any luck on the grant money? Please. Any chance of that died the day David Drumlin was appointed head of the N.S.F. I have been in contact with a few other SETI people; we've been trying to find backing from private investors. I've even managed to scrounge a couple of hours of telescope time here and there... +Please. Any chance of that died the day David Drumlin was appointed head of the N.S.F. I have been in contact with a few other SETI people; we've been trying to find backing from private investors. I've even managed to scrounge a couple of hours of telescope time here and there... And? +And? I've examined over forty stars of roughly solar spectral type but so far nothing. Still, we've barely started... +... We've been going after some of the big multi-nationals but without much luck; got a donation from a New York dowager... We've even been thinking about selling T-shirts. Ellie... even if you do manage to raise the money, have you thought about what it would really mean to follow through on this? I mean a college fetish is one thing, but we're talking about your career. You won't be publishing. You won't be taken seriously... and you could spend your entire life looking and never find anything at all. +If we lived at any previous time in human history we wouldn't even have the option of failing -- we'd have to wonder our whole lives, unable to do anything about it. This time, right now, is unique in our history, in any civilization's history -- the moment of the acquisition of technology. The moment when contact becomes possible. We've already beaten incredible odds by being lucky enough to be alive now. How close are you to getting this funding put together? +How close are you to getting this funding put together? It's almost there. The hardest part is getting someone to sell us the telescope time. +It's almost there. The hardest part is getting someone to sell us the telescope time. What if I said I could get Drumlin to agree to sell you time in New Mexico? +What if I said I could get Drumlin to agree to sell you time in New Mexico? The V.L.A.? +The V.L.A.? Thirty-one linked dishes. You could search more sky there in a day than you could in a year here. +Thirty-one linked dishes. You could search more sky there in a day than you could in a year here. Peter -- if you can get him to do that for me he'd obviously do the same for you -- we could -- ! +Peter -- if you can get him to do that for me he'd obviously do the same for you -- we could -- ! Actually -- +Actually -- We could be together again -- +We could be together again -- -- I'm moving to Washington. +-- I'm moving to Washington. Greenbank? +Greenbank? I'm going on staff at the N.S.F. To work for Drumlin. +I'm going on staff at the N.S.F. To work for Drumlin. But what about your research -- ? +But what about your research -- ? This is a chance to be of enormous help to other people's research -- to have the power to be a real advocate where David's got blind spots -- +This is a chance to be of enormous help to other people's research -- to have the power to be a real advocate where David's got blind spots -- But the work -- +But the work -- 'The work,' Jesus, Ellie, can't there just once be more to life than the work? Okay, maybe that's the only way to get the recognition, win the prizes -- +'The work,' Jesus, Ellie, can't there just once be more to life than the work? Okay, maybe that's the only way to get the recognition, win the prizes -- Please, you're just as ambitious as I am, more -- +Please, you're just as ambitious as I am, more -- Maybe that's the problem. I want... a family, Ellie. I want kids. A townhouse on L street instead of still living like a college kid. A real life. Maybe that makes me a sellout but I don't care anymore. It's what I want. +Maybe that's the problem. I want... a family, Ellie. I want kids. A townhouse on L street instead of still living like a college kid. A real life. Maybe that makes me a sellout but I don't care anymore. It's what I want. And you think I don't want those things? You think I don't stay up half the night wondering if I've made the right choice living half a world away from you, wondering if any of this is worth what I'm giving up for it everyday? Let's get married. +And you think I don't want those things? You think I don't stay up half the night wondering if I've made the right choice living half a world away from you, wondering if any of this is worth what I'm giving up for it everyday? Let's get married. Jesus -- +Jesus -- Right now -- we'll drive down to Ramey and get the base chaplain to marry us. +Right now -- we'll drive down to Ramey and get the base chaplain to marry us. Ellie -- +Ellie -- I'm serious about this, Peter -- +I'm serious about this, Peter -- Ellie -- I'm getting married. Her name's Laura. She came up to Owens Valley to do her post-doc about six months after you left. +Ellie -- I'm getting married. Her name's Laura. She came up to Owens Valley to do her post-doc about six months after you left. You sonofabitch. +You sonofabitch. That is true. But it's also true that if I really thought we wanted the same things, I'd follow you anywhere... but the truth is I don't think you want the company. Be honest, El. There's nowhere you'd rather be than sitting out at some remote corner of the world searching for the answers to the mysteries of the universe. And call me crazy, but I just can't compete with that... I'm sorry. +Ellie. Peter. +It's good to see you, Ellie. You too. +Someone tell me this is really happening. It's really happening. +It's really happening. That you, Valerian? +That you, Valerian? Like it or not. +Like it or not. Like it. Almost there. +Ellie -- are you okay? I'm -- I'm fine. +I'm -- I'm fine. Thank God. When we lost contact, I thought -- we thought... but you're okay. We're still trying to determine the nature of the malfunction. Did you notice anything at all that -- +Thank God. When we lost contact, I thought -- we thought... but you're okay. We're still trying to determine the nature of the malfunction. Did you notice anything at all that -- Wait -- hold on a minute -- +Wait -- hold on a minute -- It's all right, the important thing is you're safe -- +It's all right, the important thing is you're safe -- Peter, what are you talking about? What malfunction? What day is this? +Peter, what are you talking about? What malfunction? What day is this? What day? +What day? How long was I gone? +Peter... What is going on? Has everyone gone completely insane? That's one way of putting it. Kitz, the President, the I.S.C. have shut down all official communications; there've also been reports of riots flaring up across the U.S. and Europe. Until we figure out what went wrong things may get rough, especially for you -- +That's one way of putting it. Kitz, the President, the I.S.C. have shut down all official communications; there've also been reports of riots flaring up across the U.S. and Europe. Until we figure out what went wrong things may get rough, especially for you -- But the machine worked -- that's what I've been trying to tell everyone! The tape -- it's all there, if they'd just look at... ... the tape... +I agree with Mr. Rank that there are unavoidable religious implications here -- but I don't think it justifies taking an alarmist position. Dr. Arroway is right -- their chosen means of communication was a scientific one, and a scientific approach is probably appropriate, at least until the theological dimensions of the problem become more apparent. And where exactly does that put your position...? +And where exactly does that put your position...? I'd have to say I don't know enough to have one yet. For the moment I don't believe the two approaches have to be mutually exclusive. +Champagne please. Make that two. +... What I'm curious about are the wilderness years. You're out there all alone, no money, mocked by the skeptics. It must have taken tremendous faith. I'd say logic more than faith. The odds were on my side. +I'd say logic more than faith. The odds were on my side. And what would you have done if the odds had gone against you? +And what would you have done if the odds had gone against you? I guess I would've felt sorry for the universe. +I guess I would've felt sorry for the universe. Spoken like a true believer. +Spoken like a true believer. What about you? Doesn't all of this shake your faith at all? +What about you? Doesn't all of this shake your faith at all? How do you mean? +How do you mean? Well it's been a while, but I don't recall the Bible saying too much about alien civilizations. +Well it's been a while, but I don't recall the Bible saying too much about alien civilizations. 'My father's house has many mansions.' +'My father's house has many mansions.' Very smooth. It's Palmer, right? Where I came from a palmer was a person who cheated at cards. Really though... the Bible describes a God who watches over one tiny world a few thousand years old. I look out there and see a universe of hundreds of billions of galaxies, each with hundreds of billions of stars... I mean burn me for a heretic, but your God seems awfully small. +Your 'faith' tells you that the distance a pendulum swings from the vertical can never get bigger, only smaller. That's not faith, it's physics. The second law of thermodynamics. +And you believe this law with all your heart and soul. And mind, yes. What are you -- +And mind, yes. What are you -- So if I let the pendulum go, when it swings back you wouldn't flinch. +I flinched. Only a tiny bit. Even the most devout believer is allowed a little doubt. +Only a tiny bit. Even the most devout believer is allowed a little doubt. That's not doubt. That's four hundred years of science fighting a billion years of instinct. I always wondered what you religious types did with your free time. +That's not doubt. That's four hundred years of science fighting a billion years of instinct. I always wondered what you religious types did with your free time. Now you know. +... It's an old story. I grew up in South Boston, more or less on the streets. By the time I was thirteen I'd tried my first hit of heroin, by fifteen I'd stopped using but I was dealing full-time. By the time I was nineteen I decided I didn't want to live any more, at least not in a world like that. One day I got on a bus; I got as far as Ohio before my money ran out, and after that I just kept walking. Didn't eat, didn't sleep... just walked. I ended up collapsing in a wheat field. There was a storm... I woke up... And that's about as far as words'll go. Can you try? +Can you try? I had... an experience. Of belonging. Of unconditional love. And for the first time in my life I wasn't terrified, and I wasn't alone. +I had... an experience. Of belonging. Of unconditional love. And for the first time in my life I wasn't terrified, and I wasn't alone. And there's no chance you had this experience simply because some part of you needed to have it? +And there's no chance you had this experience simply because some part of you needed to have it? Look, I'm a reasonable person, and reasonably intelligent. But this experience went beyond both. For the first time I had to consider the possibility that intellect, as wonderful as it is, is not the only way of comprehending the universe. That it was too small and inadequate a tool to deal with what it was faced with. +Look, I'm a reasonable person, and reasonably intelligent. But this experience went beyond both. For the first time I had to consider the possibility that intellect, as wonderful as it is, is not the only way of comprehending the universe. That it was too small and inadequate a tool to deal with what it was faced with. You may not believe this... but there's a part of me that wants more than anything to believe in your God. To believe that we're all here for a purpose, that all this... means something. But it's because that part of me wants it so badly that I'm so stubborn about making sure it isn't just self-delusion. Of course I want to know God if there is one... but it has to be real. Unless I have proof how can I be sure? +You may not believe this... but there's a part of me that wants more than anything to believe in your God. To believe that we're all here for a purpose, that all this... means something. But it's because that part of me wants it so badly that I'm so stubborn about making sure it isn't just self-delusion. Of course I want to know God if there is one... but it has to be real. Unless I have proof how can I be sure? Do you love your parents? +Do you love your parents? I never knew my mother. My father died when I was nine. +I never knew my mother. My father died when I was nine. Did you love him? +Did you love him? Yes. Very much. +Yes. Very much. Prove it. +So. Is this kosher fraternizing with the enemy like this? Some of my best friends are scientists. +Some of my best friends are scientists. I was referring to the selectees mingling with the selectors. +I was referring to the selectees mingling with the selectors. Some of my best friends are scientists. They're saying the machine is alive. +Some of my best friends are scientists. They're saying the machine is alive. Not exactly. It has organic qualities, but we don't really understand how they're integrated with the mechanical systems. +Not exactly. It has organic qualities, but we don't really understand how they're integrated with the mechanical systems. Maybe you're creating a monster. +Maybe you're creating a monster. I don't think so. +I don't think so. Why? +Why? It's too... elegant. The degree of economy is extraordinary; it's really the next logical step... Even on Earth technology has always aspired to a condition of nature. D.N.A. outclasses any computer we can come up with; the human body is the most exquisitely designed machine imaginable. +It's too... elegant. The degree of economy is extraordinary; it's really the next logical step... Even on Earth technology has always aspired to a condition of nature. D.N.A. outclasses any computer we can come up with; the human body is the most exquisitely designed machine imaginable. In other words, God is one hell of an engineer. +In other words, God is one hell of an engineer. In other words. +Relativity. Explain this to me one more time... even if you traveled near the speed of light, when you came back -- If you came back. +If you came back. If you came back... you'd only be four years older -- but over 50 years would have passed on Earth. +If you came back... you'd only be four years older -- but over 50 years would have passed on Earth. Something like that. +Something like that. And everybody you care about would be dead and buried. +If you came back. If you survived at all. Which it's pretty certain you wouldn't. You're willing to die for this. +You're willing to die for this. It's what my whole life's been... aimed at; the only thing that's given it a sense of purpose. +I read your book. Really. +Really. Losing Faith: The Search For Meaning In the Age of Reason. Catchy. +Losing Faith: The Search For Meaning In the Age of Reason. Catchy. What'd you think? +What'd you think? I'm more interested in the story behind the story... How a young man goes from living on the streets of South Boston to being the best- selling media figure rubbing elbows with the President. +I'm more interested in the story behind the story... How a young man goes from living on the streets of South Boston to being the best- selling media figure rubbing elbows with the President. I won't deny I was ambitious. When I had my... experience... I wanted to tell my story to as many people as possible. I'm the first to admit that process included making some compromises. You didn't answer my question. +I won't deny I was ambitious. When I had my... experience... I wanted to tell my story to as many people as possible. I'm the first to admit that process included making some compromises. You didn't answer my question. I thought it was well-written. Heart-felt. And a little bit naive... But that's just the enemy's perspective. +I thought it was well-written. Heart-felt. And a little bit naive... But that's just the enemy's perspective. I don't consider you the enemy, Ellie. I'm not 'out to get' technology. I only ask the question: Does it have to have all the answers? I look out there and I see so much emptiness... People are so starved for meaning, and it's something they just don't seem to be getting from science. +I don't consider you the enemy, Ellie. I'm not 'out to get' technology. I only ask the question: Does it have to have all the answers? I look out there and I see so much emptiness... People are so starved for meaning, and it's something they just don't seem to be getting from science. Did you ever stop to think that maybe that isn't science's fault, but meaning's? +Did you ever stop to think that maybe that isn't science's fault, but meaning's? I don't follow. +I don't follow. Maybe the reason people are having trouble finding meaning isn't because science has obscured it... maybe it's just revealed it isn't there. +Do you really believe your life is meaningless? I don't know. But as a scientist I have to consider that possibility. +I don't know. But as a scientist I have to consider that possibility. And yet you're willing to die for this cause, the one thing that's given your life a sense of purpose. Don't you see the contradiction here -- ? +And yet you're willing to die for this cause, the one thing that's given your life a sense of purpose. Don't you see the contradiction here -- ? It's getting late... +It's getting late... What are you so afraid of, Ellie? +Ellie -- It's late. We should go back. +... Another question I would ask would be a very simple one. How did you do it? How did you evolve as far as you have and not destroy yourselves? An excellent question, Doctor. But what if we don't like the answer? +An excellent question, Doctor. But what if we don't like the answer? How do you mean? +How do you mean? What if their answer is, 'Oh, that's easy. A thousand years ago our world was in terrible shape, our population out of control, violent crime, no food... so we called a general council and decided to eliminate the anit-social. The weak. The sick. The unwanted. And ever since we've been doing great.' +Ellie... the last time we spoke... I said some things... I remember. You were indelicate, indiscreet and entirely less than tactful... Sound like anyone you know? +So. The final countdown. The final countdown. +The final countdown. Oh. I brought you something. +During the crusades -- pilgrims who made the journey to the holy land brought back a palm frond to show they'd actually been there. I thought it sort of made sense that Earth is now your holy land, so... Thank you. +You're trembling. I do seem to be... Maybe because I'm just a little bit terrified about tomorrow. +I do seem to be... Maybe because I'm just a little bit terrified about tomorrow. Maybe that's okay. +What...? I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. What is it? +Ellie, what is it? I'm sorry -- I can't -- +I'm sorry -- I can't -- What? +What? I can't do this -- +I can't do this -- What are you so afraid of? +What are you so afraid of? Please, Palmer -- if you care for me at all, don't push this now -- +Please, Palmer -- if you care for me at all, don't push this now -- What are my other options? In fifty years? Never? +What are my other options? In fifty years? Never? Please -- +Please -- I'm in love with you, Ellie. +I'm in love with you, Ellie. Don't you understand? I just have to hold it together -- just until tomorrow -- +Don't you understand? I just have to hold it together -- just until tomorrow -- And then what? Then you'll be safe? +And then what? Then you'll be safe? -- I don't know -- +-- I don't know -- Do you really think your life is meaningless, Eleanor? Is that why you're so quick to risk it -- because if your life means nothing then you have nothing to lose? +Do you really think your life is meaningless, Eleanor? Is that why you're so quick to risk it -- because if your life means nothing then you have nothing to lose? I can't hear this now -- +I can't hear this now -- Ellie, there is no reason you have to be alone. +Ellie, there is no reason you have to be alone. And yet that's always how I seem to end up, isn't it? If you really do love me, Palmer, you'll leave. Now. Please. +Hi. Hi. +Hi. I'm assuming you read my deposition. +I'm assuming you read my deposition. It was quite a page turner. +It was quite a page turner. Pretty ironic, huh? I had to go all the way to the center of the galaxy... Just to find you. +So. I'm assuming they sent you here to administer last rites? I'm not sure it's come to that. +I'm not sure it's come to that. They don't believe me. +They don't believe me. I do. +I do. You're sure you want to? In the universe I saw we're not exactly the stars of the show. What happened to me makes us all seem pretty damn small. +You're sure you want to? In the universe I saw we're not exactly the stars of the show. What happened to me makes us all seem pretty damn small. It also makes God enormous. I think of the scope of your universe, Ellie... and it takes my breath away. As it will everyone else's. +It also makes God enormous. I think of the scope of your universe, Ellie... and it takes my breath away. As it will everyone else's. I don't have any proof, Palmer. +I don't have any proof, Palmer. Ellie, you're the proof. You tell them your story. Ultimately they'll have no choice but to believe you. +Ellie, you're the proof. You tell them your story. Ultimately they'll have no choice but to believe you. It's not enough, don't you understand? I know it happened -- but by every standard of science, by every standard I've lived my life by that fact is utterly beside the point. It may be true but it doesn't matter because I can't prove it's real. +It's not enough, don't you understand? I know it happened -- but by every standard of science, by every standard I've lived my life by that fact is utterly beside the point. It may be true but it doesn't matter because I can't prove it's real. Ellie, the only one holding you to that standard is you! The people want to hear your story, they need to hear it! +Ellie, the only one holding you to that standard is you! The people want to hear your story, they need to hear it! But -- +But -- Have you seen what's happening out there? The terror, the despair? The world is on fire, Ellie. People need something they can believe in, something worthy, and you can give it to them! +Have you seen what's happening out there? The terror, the despair? The world is on fire, Ellie. People need something they can believe in, something worthy, and you can give it to them! I want to, Palmer -- more than anything. But it has to be real. It has to be true. +I want to, Palmer -- more than anything. But it has to be real. It has to be true. Ellie... if you go out there like this -- if you admit to even the possibility that what you experienced didn't actually happen -- I'm afraid they really will crucify you. Please. For your own sake, for the sake of the world... tell them what you know to be the truth. Tell them it really happened. +... but it is a good question, and I suppose I'll always wonder about the answer: Why would they send me back without proof? Maybe what you experienced can't be reduced to images on a videotape. Maybe they still plan to grant your request, only in their own way, in their own time... Or maybe it's just like you said: ultimately their motives may be as incomprehensible as their technology. +Maybe what you experienced can't be reduced to images on a videotape. Maybe they still plan to grant your request, only in their own way, in their own time... Or maybe it's just like you said: ultimately their motives may be as incomprehensible as their technology. In other words, God works in mysterious ways... +In other words, God works in mysterious ways... In other words. +I don't know. If it was a god, it was searching for a greater one. It was still searching for meaning... Does that mean you think it doesn't exist? +Does that mean you think it doesn't exist? I'm not sure... Maybe it simply exists in the search for it. Maybe its something we have to make for ourselves. +I'm not sure... Maybe it simply exists in the search for it. Maybe its something we have to make for ourselves. Meaning... +Meaning... Something my dad -- they -- said. 'After all the suffering, after all the desolation of the void -- the one thing that makes the vastness tolerable is each other.' The one thing that makes it bearable is love. +You have a question, Dr. Arroway? I question the thinking behind sending the first ambassador to another civilization in armed -- basically announcing our intentions are hostile. +I question the thinking behind sending the first ambassador to another civilization in armed -- basically announcing our intentions are hostile. It's designed purely as a defensive device. Call it a reasonable precaution. +It's designed purely as a defensive device. Call it a reasonable precaution. Call it xenophobic paranoia. Don't you see the absolute absurdity of this? This isn't about them, it's about us -- our violence, our fear and mistrust -- +Call it xenophobic paranoia. Don't you see the absolute absurdity of this? This isn't about them, it's about us -- our violence, our fear and mistrust -- Dr. Arroway, you are entitled to your opinion. But we feel quite strongly that it would by both irresponsible and naive to send a human being into a completely unknown, completely uncontrollable situation absolutely defenseless. +Dr. Arroway, you are entitled to your opinion. But we feel quite strongly that it would by both irresponsible and naive to send a human being into a completely unknown, completely uncontrollable situation absolutely defenseless. Y'know what? Fine. I guess if we want them to know the truth about who we are there's no quicker way to show them. +You kill me, you really do. The first truly global, a-political event in history and you can't wait to spin it. How would you propose we handle it, Doctor? +How would you propose we handle it, Doctor? I guess I'd say I trust us enough to believe our response would be something to the effect of, thanks for the advice, but no thanks. But to dilute or censor the truth, for whatever reason -- +I guess I'd say I trust us enough to believe our response would be something to the effect of, thanks for the advice, but no thanks. But to dilute or censor the truth, for whatever reason -- Nobody is proposing we censor the truth here, Doctor. We're simply talking about putting a mechanism in place -- +Nobody is proposing we censor the truth here, Doctor. We're simply talking about putting a mechanism in place -- For managing the truth. But the truth won't be managed, sir. It stops being the truth the moment you try. +Oh my God... What is it? +Well. That would seem to decide it. Like it or not, for the moment, anyway, it looks like we're all in this together. But -- +But -- That's it, Mike. Last time I checked, I was still running the country. Although it seems that for the moment, Dr. Arroway is running the planet. +... as have all attempts at internal analysis. We've tried sonargrams, magnetic resonance, gamma rays; it's completely impenetrable. Recommendations? +Recommendations? I don't know. Maybe we built the damn thing wrong. Maybe it was all a hoax... The safest thing would probably be to do a Chernobyl; encase it in concrete. +I don't know. Maybe we built the damn thing wrong. Maybe it was all a hoax... The safest thing would probably be to do a Chernobyl; encase it in concrete. Have your department make a full report. +Boss, I made an arrangement with that man to take his broom. Git your shovel and git to work. +Git your shovel and git to work. I don't think you understand. We made a deal --- +I don't think you understand. We made a deal --- Git movin', I said. +Git movin', I said. But I made this arrangement -- +But I made this arrangement -- Cut that backsass! +You don't take another man's place, boy. It wasn't his fault. Nobody said anything about seats. We -- +I'm lucky I got a broom. Work up top. Real easy job. Man, it's gonna be hot down in that ditch. We work down in the ditch? +Fifty cents? Sweet job like that worth at least a buck. I'll make it a dollar. +I'll make it a dollar. Buck is a deal. +Buck is a deal. I've got this weak heart. Too much drinking, I guess. As soon as they find out about it, they'll probably send me someplace else. +Hot damn, Drag. Tomorrow's Saturday. Another week almost made. I got two years. +How'd you find me? Helen, she sent along your things with a note, and John here, he wrote to the police. +Helen, she sent along your things with a note, and John here, he wrote to the police. Yeah. Well. Gettin' up here, Boss. +Well, Arletta, I got to stand down here. I allus hoped to see you well fixed and have me a crop of grandkids to kiss and fuss around with. +I allus hoped to see you well fixed and have me a crop of grandkids to kiss and fuss around with. Like to oblige you, Arletta, but right off I don't know where to put my hands on 'em. +Like to oblige you, Arletta, but right off I don't know where to put my hands on 'em. Sometimes I wisht people was like dogs, Luke. Comes a time, a day like, when the bitch just don't recognize her pups no more, so she don't have no hopes nor love to bring her pain. She just don't give a damn. They let you smoke? +Sometimes I wisht people was like dogs, Luke. Comes a time, a day like, when the bitch just don't recognize her pups no more, so she don't have no hopes nor love to bring her pain. She just don't give a damn. They let you smoke? Smokin' it up here, Boss. +Yeah, well, Arletta, you done your best. What I done with myself is my problem. No it hain't, Luke. You ain't alone. Ever whar you go, I'm with you, and so's John. +No it hain't, Luke. You ain't alone. Ever whar you go, I'm with you, and so's John. You never thought that's a heavy load? +You never thought that's a heavy load? We allus thought you was strong enough to carry it. Was we wrong? +No. But things ain't always like they seem, Arletta. You know that. A man's gotta go his own way. Well, I don't know, I just wash my hands of it, I guess I just got to love you and let go. +Yeah. What are you doin' here? +What are you doin' here? We call it abuildin' time, Arletta. +We call it abuildin' time, Arletta. I ain't askin' what you'll do after you get out, because I'm gonna be dead and it don't matter. +You never wanted to live forever anyways, did you? It wasn't such a hell of a life. Oh, I had me some high old times. Yore old man, Luke, wasn't much for stickin' around, but damn it he made me laugh. +Oh, I had me some high old times. Yore old man, Luke, wasn't much for stickin' around, but damn it he made me laugh. Yeah, would of been nice to of knowed him, the way you talk about him. +You think life is some kind of ocean voyage and you start out with buntin' and hollerin' and high hopes, but the damn ship goes down before you ever reach the other side. Luke? Here, Mom. +Here, Mom. What went wrong? +What went wrong? Nothin'. Ever'thing's cool's can be. +Nothin'. Ever'thing's cool's can be. No. +No. Tried to live always just as free and aboveboard as you been, and well, they ain't that much elbow room. +You allus had good jobs, and that girl in Kentucky I taken a shine to her. She took off with that convertible feller... +She took off with that convertible feller... Well, why not? Idee of marryin' got you all choked up, trying to pretend you was respectable you was borin' the hell out of all of us. +Well, why not? Idee of marryin' got you all choked up, trying to pretend you was respectable you was borin' the hell out of all of us. Yeah. +Yeah. I'm leavin' the place to John. +I'm leavin' the place to John. That's good: he earned it. +That's good: he earned it. Nothin' to do with it. I ain't never give John the kind of feelin' I give you, so I'm payin' him off now. Don't feel you got to say anything. Way it is, sometimes, you just have a feelin' for a child or you don't, and with John I just didn't. +Nothin' to do with it. I ain't never give John the kind of feelin' I give you, so I'm payin' him off now. Don't feel you got to say anything. Way it is, sometimes, you just have a feelin' for a child or you don't, and with John I just didn't. Gotta go, Arletta. +Gotta go, Arletta. Laugh it up, kid. You'll make out. +Lookit her bounce. Oh lean over here, lady. Lean this way. +Gotta have kings. Sure he's got kings but you still gotta call him. +Go hard! Ram it in and break it off! +Tell us about it. You steal a car? +A salesman! Cool Hand Luke a salesman? He's probably a gigolo. +We saw the broads. Yeah. Did you have them both at once or -- +Comin' out here, Boss? Yeah. Come on out, Luke. +You was eyeballin', Luke. You can't gitcha mind on them weeds if yer eyeballin'... Boss, you don't need reasons to hit me. +Then how come it ain't done yet? I don't know, Boss. +I don't know, Boss. You don't know! +What's all this dirt in the yard? I... I... I... +Please! Please! Git to work! +Git to work! Don't hit me! Please, for God's sake, don't hit me. +You got your mind right, Luke? Yes, Boss. I got it right. +Yes, Boss. I got it right. Supposin' you was to backslide on us, Luke? Supposin' you was to backsass or try to run again... +Supposin' you was to backslide on us, Luke? Supposin' you was to backsass or try to run again... No, Boss! I won't. I won't. I got my mind right. I got it right, Boss. Please don't hit me no more. +Luke, you run again and we'll kill you. I know, I know. Just don't hit me. +Go git it, Luke. Yes sir, Boss Paul! +You cut that up fer lunch, Luke. Yes, Boss. +He ain't even got the sense to run from the road like everybody else. Blue'll git him, Boss. We'll git that bastid, Cool Hand Luke. +Captain says to wait 'til the Patrol gits here. She's on to him. You shoulda waited fer me to git her out -- loose like she is, he kin run her crazy. +She's on to him. You shoulda waited fer me to git her out -- loose like she is, he kin run her crazy. It ain't my fault you don't know how to handle your dogs. +It ain't my fault you don't know how to handle your dogs. How my suppose to handle a dog someone jus' let loose? +Here's the Patrol. She's got him! You hear that? +Here, Captain. Maliciously destroyin' municipal property while under the influence. What was that? +Maliciously destroyin' municipal property while under the influence. What was that? Cuttin' the heads off parkin' meters, Captain. +Cuttin' the heads off parkin' meters, Captain. Well, we ain't never had one of them. Where'd you think that was gonna get you? +Well, we ain't never had one of them. Where'd you think that was gonna get you? I guess you could say I wasn't thinkin', Captain. +I guess you could say I wasn't thinkin', Captain. Says here you done real good in the war: Silver Star, Bronze Star, couple Purple Hearts. Sergeant! Little time in stockades. Come out the same way you went in: Buck Private. +Says here you done real good in the war: Silver Star, Bronze Star, couple Purple Hearts. Sergeant! Little time in stockades. Come out the same way you went in: Buck Private. That's right, Captain. Just passin' the time. +That's right, Captain. Just passin' the time. Well, you got yourself some time now. Two years. Hell, that ain't much, we got coupla men here doin' twenty spots. We got one who's got all of it. We got all kinds and you gonna fit in real good. Course in case you git rabbit in your blood and decide to take off fer home, you git a bonus a some time and couple leg chains to keep you slowed down a little -- fer your own good. You'll learn the rules. It's all up to you. I can be a good guy or I can be one mean son-of-a-bitch, it's up to you. +You gonna get used to wearing them chains aftera while, Luke. But don't you never stop listenin' to them clinkin'. That's gonna remind you of what I been sayin'. Yeah, they sure do make a lot of cold, hard, noise, Captain. +In the Navy, we used to call guys -- Fasten your flap! All you Newmeats gonna have to shape up fast and hard on this gang. We got rules here an' in order to learn them, you gotta keep your ears open and your mouths shut. +You was to sell your job, maybe this Lucas War Hero would give you a price. I'll give you fifty cents. +Had it done in Singapore. Bunch of us drunk as coots -- Hey, Tattoo! +Hey, Tattoo! -- went down to see this old hag and she had needles the size of that cane. +Only two? Man, I already done eight. Nothin' to it. Just make the days and let the weeks and the years make themselves. I did three hitches in the Navy. It ain't bad. After a while, you get used to it and the time -- +That ain't nuthing compared to what we used to do in San Pedro. There was this ensign... Ah believe I smell me a blonde-haired lady. +You can't do that! You jes' watch us! +Borrowin' or payin' back? Borrowin'. +Borrowin'. Mister Cool Hand here is the soft heart in our Loan Department. Next! +You gotta mind your manners, you actin' like a hillbilly tramp. Tramp! Beautiful! +Newmeat looks like a poker player, Drag. Wouldn't surprise me none. Wicker Man says you got a hundred- twenny and some change in the Captain's safe and you got your five dollars pocket money... That'll buy you a whole fistfull of cards. You in or out? +She looks just like Mrs. Patricia Handy, a married woman... I useta fool with. Man, I kin sniff blondes from a hunnert yards and redheads from a mile and a half. Drag's been chain-ganging so long he's got a nose like a bloodhound. +Oh, man, did you see her? Did you see her? I got eyes, don't I? How my not gonna see something like that? +I'm dyin'. I'm dyin'! Look, she's got paint on her toenails! Oh Lord, whatever I done, don't strike me blind for 'nother couple minutes. Oh you Lucille! +Whatcha got? Pair'a nines. +Pair'a nines. I kin see that, brick head. I mean your hole card. +Uh-huh. And he ain't got nothing showing. Raise his head off. He's been betting his head from the gun. Gotta have kings. +He's been betting his head from the gun. Gotta have kings. So then you just call him. +So then you just call him. I call. +But there's still daylight left. 'Bout two hours left. +Jus' take it slow, buddy. What happened? How far did you get? +What happened? How far did you get? Shut up. Let him eat. Don't pay them no mind, boy. +He ain't eating beans fer lunch. He's eatin' steak and corn with butter and green beans and... +Looka that! Two of them. Oh my... I'm dyin'. I'm dyin'. +Lemme see it! Get away! +Oh lookit that brunette. Mah baby! We're diggin' and dyin' but our boy Luke is lovin' and flyin'. +Dragline, lemme look at the picture. What for? +Come on, Drag. Lemme take a look. It'd go to your coconut head. You'd start getting ideas. Maybe even pass right out. +A cold drink. A cold drink? You mean one cold drink? To feast yore starvin' fishy l'il eyes on The Picture? A true vision of Paradise itself? With two of the angels right there in plain sight a- friskin' round with mah boy? +A cold drink? You mean one cold drink? To feast yore starvin' fishy l'il eyes on The Picture? A true vision of Paradise itself? With two of the angels right there in plain sight a- friskin' round with mah boy? A cold drink? Okay? +A cold drink? Okay? Well --- okay. It's a deal. One cold drink, if'n you please. In advance. One chilly bottle right here in mah hot l'il hand... That goes for the rest of you mullet-heads, too. +That's my baby. He's gonna be awright. +Somebody say somethin'? I didn't say nothin', Boss. +I didn't say nothin', Boss. Well, whatta we got here? +Well, whatta we got here? A Lucas Jackson. +Oh we got our sources... Tearing the heads off... what was it... gumball machines? What kind of thing is that for a grown man? Well, you know. Small town, not much to do in the evenings. Mostly it was settling up old scores. +Whatta you so happy about? I just always did like truck rides. +Plumb busted out. Looks like the hard road finally got to Mister Lucas War Hero. Back at it in the mornin'. Just need a little nap... +Course not. He ain't in the box 'cause a the joke played on him. He's there 'cause he back sassed a Free Man. They got their rules and we ain't got nothing to do with that. Woulda probably happened to him sooner or later, to a complainer like him. He's gotta learn the rules same as anybody else. Yeah, those poor old guards need all the help they can get. +Yeah, those poor old guards need all the help they can get. You tryin' to say somethin'? +Slow down, man. They ain't passing out medals for slinging dirt. I thought you knew, boy... they sentenced me by the mile. +Man, this here Newmeat parking meter bandit thing what calls itself Luke don't know nuthin' 'bout nuthin'. But damn if he don't look like a fat old Dragline. +Maybe he's been chain-ganging too long. Long enough to see redhots come and redhots go. +Lucille? Where do you get that? That'sa Lucille, you mullet head! Any girl so innocent and built like that gotta be named Lucille. +That'sa Lucille, you mullet head! Any girl so innocent and built like that gotta be named Lucille. Innocent? +Shut your mouth 'bout my Lucille. Your Lucille? Man, you better put them glasses back on and take a look at yourself. +Your Lucille? Man, you better put them glasses back on and take a look at yourself. Boy. You jus' asking to be handled! +Whatta you mean, forget it? Stop beatin', man. You ain't doin' nobody no good. +I'm gonna kill you, you go on... That's what you're gonna have to do. +Nuthin'! A handfull of nuthin'! You stupid mullet-head. He beat you with nuthin'! Just like today when he kept coming back at me. Nuthin' can be a pretty cool hand. +Nuthin' can be a pretty cool hand. Cool Hand Luke. +Hey, buddy. Take it easy. You're making me look bad. The man wants speed, let's give it to him. Ram it in and break it off. Go hard. Shag it. +They don't know iff'n to smile, spit or swallow. They ain't never seen a bull gang before. +Where'd the road go? That's it. That's the end. +Why'd you have to say fifty? Why not thirty-five or thirty-nine? Fifty's a nice round number. +Fifty's a nice round number. Damn, Luke. What's the matter with you? what's the matter with me? +Damn, Luke. What's the matter with you? what's the matter with me? Nothin' to worry about. We got a deadlock on that mullet. +What did I do? Stole and tole lies. I loved mah neighbor and his wife, but what did I do to deserve this lunatic to come in mah happy home and beat me outa hard earned bread. We got it locked in the sock. +We got it locked in the sock. Yeah, I know. But what we gotta do first is stretch that l'il ol' belly of yours -- git it all strained out, in fightin' shape, like a barrage balloon. +Yeah, I know. But what we gotta do first is stretch that l'il ol' belly of yours -- git it all strained out, in fightin' shape, like a barrage balloon. You ol' sack of guts. I had a belly like yours, we wouldn't have nothin' to worry about. +You ol' sack of guts. I had a belly like yours, we wouldn't have nothin' to worry about. 'Atsa sign I got me an affectionate nature. +'Atsa sign I got me an affectionate nature. Like an elephant. +Like an elephant. Us elephants may be a lil slow, like in makin' love, but you give us a coupla three days to really get with it an' man -- stand back! +Look at Him go. Bam! Bam! Knock it off, Luke! You cain't talk about Him that way. +Sure do... that's why we didn't bet with the Navy. Oh, that's mah darlin' Luke. Grins like a baby and bites like a 'gator. +Don't hit me no more, Boss! Don't hit me! I'll do anythin' you say but just don't hit me! Oh Luke. You are an original, you truly are. You really fooled them. Foolin', Hell! I would have eaten that dirt for them. They coulda used my head for a shovel and a my face for a broom... They just never did get a piece of my mind. +Foolin', Hell! I would have eaten that dirt for them. They coulda used my head for a shovel and a my face for a broom... They just never did get a piece of my mind. And all the time you was plannin' on runnin' again. +Whoee, it's cold. Wisht I had somethin' to eat. Bread, grits, beans even. Soon's we get to my house, we're gonna have us one big meal and then I'm gonna show you some farm girls that... We ain't goin' nowhere. +We ain't goin' nowhere. What you talkin' about, Luke? We're together, you and me, just like always. Now the thing we gotta work out is how to get Koko outa there and then the Terrible Trio be all complete again. Man, this old Free World ain't gonna know which ear to stand on. +What you talkin' about, Luke? We're together, you and me, just like always. Now the thing we gotta work out is how to get Koko outa there and then the Terrible Trio be all complete again. Man, this old Free World ain't gonna know which ear to stand on. Yeah, well, you and Koko kin handle it without me. +Yeah, well, you and Koko kin handle it without me. What you mean, Luke? +What you mean, Luke? I've done enough world-shakin' for a while. You do the rest for me. Send me a postcard about it. +But, Luke... Take it easy, Drag. +Take it easy, Drag. Luke. Where you goin? +Luke. Where you goin? On my own. +On my own. But what am I gonna do all by myself? Oh if'n I hadn't lost mah head. I only had two more years to go. But when I saw you tearin' down with that truck... But you right Luke. We oughta split up. Be safer for us both. +Is that your answer, Old Man? You're a hardcase too, ain't you? Luke, are you alright?... They got us, boy. They're out there thicker'n flies. Bosses and dogs and sheriffs and more guns than I ever seen in my life. We don't have a chance, Luke... They caught up with me right after we split up and they was aimin' to kill you, Luke. But I got 'em to promise if you give up peaceful, they wouldn't even whip you this time. +Luke, are you alright?... They got us, boy. They're out there thicker'n flies. Bosses and dogs and sheriffs and more guns than I ever seen in my life. We don't have a chance, Luke... They caught up with me right after we split up and they was aimin' to kill you, Luke. But I got 'em to promise if you give up peaceful, they wouldn't even whip you this time. Do we even get our same bunks back? +Do we even get our same bunks back? Why sure, Luke. I mean I didn't talk to them about that. But why not? They're reasonable, Luke. Hell, we only been gone a coupla hours. +Why sure, Luke. I mean I didn't talk to them about that. But why not? They're reasonable, Luke. Hell, we only been gone a coupla hours. You don't understand a thing, do you, Drag? +You don't understand a thing, do you, Drag? Luke, you got to listen to me. All you got to do is just give up nice and quiet, just play it cool. +Luke, you got to listen to me. All you got to do is just give up nice and quiet, just play it cool. Like I always do? +Like I always do? Thass right. Just play it... +Dragline gives out the names here. You'll get yours when he figures you out. Maybe we oughta call you No-Ears. You don't listen much, do you, boy? +Not a liar. You just have a common -- and likable -- tendency toward exaggeration. He's the champeen hog-gut of this camp. Hell, I seen him eat ten choc'lat bars and seven cold drinks in fifteen minutes. He kin eat busted bottles and rusty nails, any damn thing. If you'd so kindly oblige as to let me cut off your yankee head, he'd even eat that. +Nobody kin eat fifty eggs. You just said he could eat anything. +You just said he could eat anything. You ever eat fifty eggs? +Koko, write down their names, don't just make marks. One rule! No throwing up. He throws up, you forfeit everything. +One rule! No throwing up. He throws up, you forfeit everything. You ever see mah boy throw up? Shut your mouth and put up your money! +He peels the eggs himself. That's understood. You jus' may be great at hangin' paper around the big cities, but us country boys is not entirely brainless. When it comes to the law, nothin' is understood. +Thirty-nine... forty... forty-one... forty-two... Come on, boy, come on, darlin'. You kin do her. Just let that ol' belly sag and enjoy itself. Stay loose, buddy. Eight more, between you and everlasting glory. Little ol' eggs, pigeon eggs, that's all, fish eggs practically. +All right now: get mad at them eggs. Eat it there boy! Bite it! Gnaw on it! Forty-five. +What's the writing say? Dear Boys. Playing it cool. Wish you were here. Love, Cool Hand Luke. +Dear Boys. Playing it cool. Wish you were here. Love, Cool Hand Luke. Oh my. Oh my... Give it back here! +That ole box collapse and fall apart before Luke calls quits. Your Luke's got more guts than brains. +Oh Lord! That fool. That damn fool. +That fool. That damn fool. Oh mah baby Luke. +A bunch. Must be halfa dozen Newmeat. No more than five. For a cold drink. +No more than five. For a cold drink. Bet! Babalugats, bet here! +Man! It's gonna be one hot muther today. Bears gonna be walkin' the road today. +Man, it's so hot. Gettin' up, Carr. +Ana paira ninas. Koko's the brains. Cuter. +I'm in. Ace calls. Here we go. King-five gets a tray for no help. Paira ninas gets a Jack. Ana man with the ace gets... slop in the face... Ninas up. +Ace calls. Here we go. King-five gets a tray for no help. Paira ninas gets a Jack. Ana man with the ace gets... slop in the face... Ninas up. Cuter again. +Cuter again. Call. +I gotta believe. Out! Now they're rollin'. King-five-four gets an eight. Pair'a nines with a Jack gets a four. Ninas still up. Cuter. +Man, you play like a kokonut. You got to call him at least. I know he's got a paira kings. He don't have to stick 'em in my ear. +Oh no, man! Not on this hot muther. All the bears gonna be walking today. +Man Oh Man. That is one mean lady. Bet her husband spends one day a week shooting milkmen. +Kick a buck. Damn. +Back a buck. Kick a buck. +Yeah, found one in this supermarket, keys in the ignition. Well, how far didya get? +Well, how far didya get? Fat mile'n a half. Hit this red light, highway patrol pulls up alongside. +Picture's a phoney... Cost me a week's pay. A phoney? Whatta you mean, a phoney? +But -- but -- That's all there was. Listen. Open your eyes. Stop beatin' it. And stop feedin' off me. Now get out of the way. Give me some air. +Koko, why don't you let one of these Newmeats take your broom for today? Hell, no. I ain't goin' down in the ditch. +You can't switch 'round jobs, anyway. I figured he knew that. You can't expect him to learn everything the first day. Hopefully it's taught him a very valuable lesson. +You think you've been working hard. This muther'll break your back. This is a big day for the guards. They get to remind us who's boss. +One, two, three... He's gonna lose a finger eating eggs like that. +Stop that. How about you tryin' to make me? +How about you tryin' to make me? Oh for... +He'll never make it. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? He doesn't know when to give in. They'll kill him. +He doesn't know when to give in. They'll kill him. Give in? That's our Luke out there. +I don't see no sign of guts in you. No. No chains either. +No. No chains either. You ain't man enough to wear them! +You ain't man enough to wear them! But you're dog enough. Maybe they'll let you sleep outside the box near your master. +But you're dog enough. Maybe they'll let you sleep outside the box near your master. Big deal paper hanger! Hell, anyone who can write can pass fifty-sixty dollar checks. Like breakin' open a piggy bank. +Big deal paper hanger! Hell, anyone who can write can pass fifty-sixty dollar checks. Like breakin' open a piggy bank. You've been having bad luck with masters, haven't you? Your last one left you when the cops came... and now Luke. You should complain to the S.P.C.A. +You've been having bad luck with masters, haven't you? Your last one left you when the cops came... and now Luke. You should complain to the S.P.C.A. You phony creep! +Excuse me, but would you mind explaining why you're watching the lady upstairs? None of your fucking business. +I hate this... Only kidding! +Now look what you did. What did I do? +What did I do? You threatened to drive her downtown. She has agoraphobia. +You threatened to drive her downtown. She has agoraphobia. Fear of what... +Fear of what... Open space. She hasn't been out of this apartment in three years. I didn't used to think it was real... +It's good medicine. A little homeopathic cure for the willies. +Where were you? Don't tell me. It's just under seventy, right? The sun is strong but the air is dry and fresh... Would you please get your hands off my face, Tallulah? What happened to the newspaper? +I got it myself... I couldn't wait. Well! Aren't we the daring one? What's morbid and ghastly enough in the news to make Doctor Helen set foot outside her door? The antenna is gone off her car again. I had no music, all the way to the market. Let me find a garage for it? +I've told you: I can't afford to garage it. Are you kidding? You buy enough gourmet junk every week... most of which rots... to garage a fleet of stretch limos. +Are you kidding? You buy enough gourmet junk every week... most of which rots... to garage a fleet of stretch limos. "I had the dream again. And I got another call. This time he spoke. He said ""You and me, you and me.""" +"I had the dream again. And I got another call. This time he spoke. He said ""You and me, you and me.""" A little heavy breathing is what most of us yearn for. Forget it. +A little heavy breathing is what most of us yearn for. Forget it. He whispered, but it was him! I know it was him! +He can't phone you unless the warden gets an okay from you. Did you give him an approval? Andy? When a three-year-old says there's a monster under the bed, you don't say 'forget it'. You look under the bad. I'm three years old. Call the prison. +Oh God. I'm really crazy. When was the last time you washed your hair? +When was the last time you washed your hair? Monsieur Andy, disapproves of my coiffure? +Monsieur Andy, disapproves of my coiffure? Monsieur Andy can smell your coiffure. And guess what else? +Cellulite. What do you say I blindfold you and take you to the gym. Aerobics with housewives... Andy? +You parked right behind him. The one I noticed earlier. I didn't say anything, I thought he'd leave. Just take a look. Oh my God! Help! HE'S READING A NEWSPAPER! +Oh my God! Help! HE'S READING A NEWSPAPER! But earlier, he was staring up here. Please, Andy. +But earlier, he was staring up here. Please, Andy. Okay. You win. 'Dirty Harry' coming up. +Oh, God. I must have looked horrible. No, dear. You're at your best with a bag in front of your face. +No, dear. You're at your best with a bag in front of your face. I want to die. +I want to die. I wouldn't. He'll be back. If you want him. The cute brutal type with handcuffs. Very sexy. +What? What'd I do? Reminded me that I used to be attractive. That men used to want me... +Reminded me that I used to be attractive. That men used to want me... You slut! No sexy young cop for you unless you shampoo your hair. +When are you going to call them? About what? +I can't, Andy. Then, why don't you just die. I'm going. They'll find your body years later, the old recluse lady, she ate cat food, ten years of the New York Times, unread, piled on top of the unread mail, the TV still on. Make up your mind. Live or die. I'll get coffee. +None of you know anything about it. Now go. And Andy, if you persist in playing doctor, leave, with them. I'm the only friend you've got, darling, and I don't intend to stop doing what I think is good for us. +I'm the only friend you've got, darling, and I don't intend to stop doing what I think is good for us. Get out! All of you! +The moon is up, my night to howl. Will you be okay? Oh, God, I forget. Yes. Yes. You go. Poor thing, you ought to get out. +Oh, God, I forget. Yes. Yes. You go. Poor thing, you ought to get out. Look out for her. She's tougher than you think. +You're fired. I know. Do come and meet your guest. +Sorry, Luv. I've got a date. You've got a date right here, Andy. This has got to... +It's almost six. And guess what? Hall likes me bathed and shaved. Stop acting like a silly little fag! +You bastard! But alive! +Where have you been? What happened to your wallet? Hal has it. +Investigators Halloran and Goetz. I apologize for Goetz, he's a firehouse dog. I'm okay. I really kind of enjoyed it. +Are you staying long? Shall I shut the door? Make your coffee? Make the beds? You talked to me. Do you remember? +We'll get the paramedics... Oh, God, uniforms, more stress. Let her sleep. It's a self-limiting: she hyperventilates till she passes out, then her breathing goes back to normal, and she wakes up singing like a lark. We know, don't we, Princess? Give her a couple of hours. I know about this. +Tell her we're sorry we bothered her. Hey, no. Leave those here. If you really want her help. I mean if you really do, leave them. Let her see them. I'll see they're safe... +She just got to sleep. Do you have to tell her about it now? Tell her about what? +Tell her about what? Gaahhd! What a cop! You busted me! The new one, in the Marina. She has a police radio scanner. It's always on. She turns it off, and then she has to turn it on again. She's obsessed. She can't not listen to it, but she can't listen to it, so she makes me listen to it. +Yes. Without question. Without question? He only scored 40 percent, four out of ten criteria? Couldn't another expert say he flunked the sexual sadist test? What curve are you marking on, Doctor? +Without question? He only scored 40 percent, four out of ten criteria? Couldn't another expert say he flunked the sexual sadist test? What curve are you marking on, Doctor? The test criteria are only part of what we look at in evaluating subjects. +The test criteria are only part of what we look at in evaluating subjects. Only part. What else? What did you think of his claim that he tied this girl to the tree and set fire to her because Joan of Arc told him to do it. +Only part. What else? What did you think of his claim that he tied this girl to the tree and set fire to her because Joan of Arc told him to do it. He was lying. +He was lying. 'Lying. He was lying.' I asked you what you thought, not what he did. +'Lying. He was lying.' I asked you what you thought, not what he did. I thought he was lying. +I thought he was lying. You said, first, he was lying. How do you know that, Doctor? +You said, first, he was lying. How do you know that, Doctor? Because people who are suffering from aural hallucinations hear voices in both ears. Daryll Lee told me that Joan of Arc always appeared beside him on his left side and spoke softly in his left ear. +He took pains to hide his actions because he knew they were morally wrong. He was not acting on mad impulse. He was sane and acting out a pattern he carefully followed every time. What pattern was that? +What pattern was that? The same as the first time... +The first two murders. What first two murders. We don't know about them here, do we? +What first two murders. We don't know about them here, do we? He told me he had done two others just like it. +He told me he had done two others just like it. When was that? +When was that? When he was seventeen. +When he was seventeen. And you believed him when he told you he had done that. +And you believed him when he told you he had done that. Yes. I believed him. +Who are you? Inspector Halloran. Homicide. You were supposed to contact a Peter Kurten? +Inspector Halloran. Homicide. You were supposed to contact a Peter Kurten? I was? How you spell that? +I was? How you spell that? Cut the crap. You got a sheet the length of my arm... +Cut the crap. You got a sheet the length of my arm... I never hurt nobody... +I never hurt nobody... Shut up -- I'm talking. You got felony breaking and entering, burglary, felonious... +Shut up -- I'm talking. You got felony breaking and entering, burglary, felonious... I never carried a gun! +You don't listen very good. This break in -- I can call it a felony -- three strikes, and you got about sixteen strikes already, and you're in jail for the rest of your life, no parole. Or I could see it gets forgotten. You get me out first. +You get me out first. Doesn't work that way. You had your chance, now fuck yourself... +Tell me what you want me to say. Anything. You were going to make a delivery to Peter Kurten for Daryll Lee Cullum. I want Kurten's phone number. +You were going to make a delivery to Peter Kurten for Daryll Lee Cullum. I want Kurten's phone number. I don't have it... +Wait... wait... I already called him, I threw it away. You already made the delivery? +You already made the delivery? No, that's still in my jacket I was wearing. We were supposed to meet on the docks, that number 47 wharf, 10 o'clock Friday. He's gonna hand me 500 bucks. +No, that's still in my jacket I was wearing. We were supposed to meet on the docks, that number 47 wharf, 10 o'clock Friday. He's gonna hand me 500 bucks. What Friday? +What Friday? What day is this? In jail you lose track. This week. Friday. +Then you get your ass outta here, I don't wanta see you again... I brought a present for the lady, there. I'm looking for her, to give her the present... +I brought a present for the lady, there. I'm looking for her, to give her the present... You break into her apartment to deliver a gift? Where is it? +You break into her apartment to deliver a gift? Where is it? The door was open, swear to God, I'm just looking for her when you come charging up the stairs... +The door was open, swear to God, I'm just looking for her when you come charging up the stairs... Where is it? +Where is it? I'm trying to tell you. It's on the lady's pillow... +Daryll Lee Cullum, he wrote that book, he wanted the lady to have it. They won't let him send it to her, so I'm getting out, he asks me to deliver it in person, he says, put it on her pillow. It has all about how he tried to kill her. He told you she was loaded, any- thing you could steal you could keep, Conrad? You bought yourself a return ticket to Quentin, breaking and entering. +He told you she was loaded, any- thing you could steal you could keep, Conrad? You bought yourself a return ticket to Quentin, breaking and entering. The door was already open... +The door was already open... We know... Send the book to evidence... +We know... Send the book to evidence... She's supposed to have it. +She's supposed to have it. She don't want it. +Hello, Daryll Lee. You read my book which as you know, hit the stands a couple of weeks ago. You read it yet. +You read my book which as you know, hit the stands a couple of weeks ago. You read it yet. What book? +What book? I sent it by private courier, he didn't give it to you? That son of a gun...! +I'll look for it, Daryll Lee. Bet you never figured I'd follow in your footsteps. It's real well- written. You should read it -- you're in it. +Bet you never figured I'd follow in your footsteps. It's real well- written. You should read it -- you're in it. I will. I'll call you, Daryll, and talk to you about it after I've read it. Right now I have a question... Peter Kurten. +I will. I'll call you, Daryll, and talk to you about it after I've read it. Right now I have a question... Peter Kurten. Kurten! Is he bothering you? I told that son I'd send him what he wanted if he leave you alone. +Kurten! Is he bothering you? I told that son I'd send him what he wanted if he leave you alone. Ah ha. What did he want? +Ah ha. What did he want? Something personal. Is he bothering you? +Something personal. Is he bothering you? I don't know. I'd like to know where he is. +I don't know. I'd like to know where he is. Listen, you want my advice? Steer clear. He's writing me he's gonna finish 'my unfinished symphony.' He's gonna give me $550 for some of my cum, he says he's in a position to see that I will be immortal if he has some of my spunk. I'm offended. Right away I smell freak. Writin' about him and me and you bein' joined and he's gonna finish my symphony? I didn't care for his drift. I sent some liquid soap in a sandwich baggie with a message from Jesus to mend his ways. You hear I found Jesus? And what's funny is, now I don't mind bein' inside. If I was out, even Born Again, I'd probably get restless again. It's maybe better I stay here, what do you think? +Listen, you want my advice? Steer clear. He's writing me he's gonna finish 'my unfinished symphony.' He's gonna give me $550 for some of my cum, he says he's in a position to see that I will be immortal if he has some of my spunk. I'm offended. Right away I smell freak. Writin' about him and me and you bein' joined and he's gonna finish my symphony? I didn't care for his drift. I sent some liquid soap in a sandwich baggie with a message from Jesus to mend his ways. You hear I found Jesus? And what's funny is, now I don't mind bein' inside. If I was out, even Born Again, I'd probably get restless again. It's maybe better I stay here, what do you think? I think whatever is best for you, Daryll. And maybe you're right, that's the place. +I think whatever is best for you, Daryll. And maybe you're right, that's the place. You come and visit. +You come and visit. Where did you send the message to Peter Kurten? +Where did you send the message to Peter Kurten? Damn! I gave that to Conrad, too! That guy! I told Conrad deliver to Kurten and keep the 500 bucks in return for getting my book to you. +How was Conrad supposed to find Kurten? Conrad has the phone number. Conrad, where is he? +Conrad has the phone number. Conrad, where is he? In jail. +In jail. That Klutz. They send him back here, I'll kick his ass good. +Hi. It's your worst student, Peter Foley -- how do you grade me now, Doctor? Who was the man in the basement? +Who was the man in the basement? You like that action? Didn't that cop on TV look solemn? The guy in the basement doesn't matter, anyway, just another lonely heart. +You like that action? Didn't that cop on TV look solemn? The guy in the basement doesn't matter, anyway, just another lonely heart. Where are you, Peter? +Where are you, Peter? You thought I was going to do Ted Bundy next, so you sent your partner... +What was that? What am I hearing? The sound of an epiphany, a sudden blinding insight? It's Daryll Lee Cullum, isn't it? +It's Daryll Lee Cullum, isn't it? Mm-hmm. I can't get to you. You have to come to me. +Mm-hmm. I can't get to you. You have to come to me. You know I can't do that. +You know I can't do that. Oh, I think you will. +For God's sake Peter, leave her out of it. You don't want her, you want me. I need her; she's a cop. I have to kill a cop, and then... +I need her; she's a cop. I have to kill a cop, and then... You've been perfect. Don't spoil the symmetry -- you have to have a male cop. +You've been perfect. Don't spoil the symmetry -- you have to have a male cop. I don't care -- she's a cop. That's the important thing. Cop-ness, not sex-ness. It won't be perfect, but it'll be good. +Yes. I do. I want it to end now. Let her go. I'll come -- just let her go. She's not important. You know where. +You know where. Where it began -- McCluskey Auditorium. +Kill me, Peter, do it, now. No. Not yet. +No. Not yet. Do it. If that's what all this carnage is about, then do it. Have enough guts to do it. +Do it. If that's what all this carnage is about, then do it. Have enough guts to do it. Don't talk to me about courage. I know death, what it's like to kill. You're not a killer -- you watched Daryll Lee kill that cop and you didn't make a peep, because you were paralyzed with fear. You chocked. I know something else about you. +We'll keep talking. Until they get here. Then... I have no life anymore. I ruined your life, make me pay for it. +I have no life anymore. I ruined your life, make me pay for it. Why did you do that? Didn't you have any idea how hard it was for me, to get that far? I worshipped you. You inspired me. I thought you could understand me the way you understood the others. I knew that about you -- the ones you admired were the great murderers; they fascinated you. +Why did you do that? Didn't you have any idea how hard it was for me, to get that far? I worshipped you. You inspired me. I thought you could understand me the way you understood the others. I knew that about you -- the ones you admired were the great murderers; they fascinated you. That's not who I admire -- I admire people who are good at what they do, great artists, writers, thinkers... +That's not who I admire -- I admire people who are good at what they do, great artists, writers, thinkers... I don't have the talent for any of those things. All I have a talent for is death. And I am one of a kind. What do you think of your student now? I have made you famous, I am your creation and your monument. +"Oh, please. I know what's coming, now. ""Let me help you...""" Do anything you want to me. I give myself to you. Only put the knife down. Isn't this what you always wanted? I know it's what we all want, to love and to loved. I could love you. You could work together in some safe place, learn to really understand you, help you, give you some peace of mind, some happiness... +Do anything you want to me. I give myself to you. Only put the knife down. Isn't this what you always wanted? I know it's what we all want, to love and to loved. I could love you. You could work together in some safe place, learn to really understand you, help you, give you some peace of mind, some happiness... Back in the driver's seat again, Doctor? That old dream -- study us to see what makes us sick. So you can find a cure -- they'd name it after you? Death is the only cure for people like me. +Who is this? Inspector Halloran, Homicide. I'm in charge here. +No, ma'am. This is no joke. And neither is tying up telephone lines to police with crank calls while people in trouble are trying to get through for help. You're calling me a crank? +You're calling me a crank? Do you have any evidence to report, ma'am? Do you know any of the victims... +Do you have any evidence to report, ma'am? Do you know any of the victims... I think this is number three... +I think this is number three... That's an opinion, not evidence... +Ring the gong, he goes. Poor impulse control. Is he out? +Is he out? Who? +Who? If he's not out, why are they here? +If he's not out, why are they here? Because of your phone calls. +Because of your phone calls. What calls? I haven't made any calls. +I want to tell you it's a great honor to meet you and talk to you. You don't admire me. No police admire me. I got one of you killed. Why don't you say right out what you're here for? +You don't admire me. No police admire me. I got one of you killed. Why don't you say right out what you're here for? You called us, Doctor Hudson. +You called us, Doctor Hudson. Yes, I did. Poor impulse control. The accounts of the firs two murders made it so clear they were the work of the same man, but you kept announcing they were unrelated. You'll never catch him that way. +Sugar and cream for Goetz; I take mine black. You're absolutely correct. The politicians don't want panic headlines spoiling the Festival of Love. Well, let's thank God you and Inspector Goetz are on the case, then. +Well, let's thank God you and Inspector Goetz are on the case, then. Would you want to work with us on this? +Would you want to work with us on this? Oh, my God, no! I'm a clinical hysteric, with panic syndrome, and anxiety neurosis, agoraphobic, I'm afraid of everything, real and imaginary. I never leave this apartment now. Nobody ever comes here. I just wanted to get your attention. I write and I used to lecture on these crimes, but... I'm not competent. +Oh, my God, no! I'm a clinical hysteric, with panic syndrome, and anxiety neurosis, agoraphobic, I'm afraid of everything, real and imaginary. I never leave this apartment now. Nobody ever comes here. I just wanted to get your attention. I write and I used to lecture on these crimes, but... I'm not competent. I think you are. I really admire everything you've done; it would be an honor to work with you, and we need all the help we can get, especially yours. +I think you are. I really admire everything you've done; it would be an honor to work with you, and we need all the help we can get, especially yours. Inspector Halloran, that is so much bullshit, you don't like or admire me, but the beautiful part is I don't give a fuck. That's the upside of having a breakdown. +Inspector Halloran, that is so much bullshit, you don't like or admire me, but the beautiful part is I don't give a fuck. That's the upside of having a breakdown. Well, it's a hell of an apartment you got here. I'm living one step away from the projects, myself, but I get to go to work every day, wading in blood and guts. I guess the books you wrote about these sons of bitches paid off pretty good. +Well, it's a hell of an apartment you got here. I'm living one step away from the projects, myself, but I get to go to work every day, wading in blood and guts. I guess the books you wrote about these sons of bitches paid off pretty good. Will you go. Andy, make them go. +Will you go. Andy, make them go. You can't go out lecturing? Tough shit. Women are dying. Where can I lay this stuff out? +Is it an ongoing case? For months... last October. +For months... last October. It was a lover or a husband. Someone close. Somebody who knew her and cared about her. +It was a lover or a husband. Someone close. Somebody who knew her and cared about her. How do you know that? +How do you know that? He felt remorse. He covered her. +The bodies have been carefully arranged... different positions, but somehow the same. The positions are brutal... yet quite... artful. It's like... a signature. He's proud of his accomplishments. There are early Picassos and late Picassos, but you always recognize the hand. He wants us to recognize his hand. I've seen this hand before... what are you hiding? Nothing. +Nothing. Where are the stockings he strangled them with? +Where are the stockings he strangled them with? How did you know they were stockings? +How did you know they were stockings? I sent Andy out on murder missions. For God's sake -- it's the Boston Strangler, Alber deSalvo. He used their own stockings to strangle them. Tied in a bow-knot. +Why imitate a dead serial killer? If you knew why, you might know where to look for him. I don't envy you this; he's not done -- he's going to do them faster and faster to keep the adrenaline rush. Now, I've done what you asked me. +If you knew why, you might know where to look for him. I don't envy you this; he's not done -- he's going to do them faster and faster to keep the adrenaline rush. Now, I've done what you asked me. Work with me. +How do you know that? Look at the bottom of the screen. You see the icon with the arrow pointing left? Click on that... twice. +Can you make a copy we can show on our computers? It's too big a file to copy to a disk. +I'm going to put a guard on your door. One officer already got killed trying to protect me. Please, just take it all away. Leave me alone. +One officer already got killed trying to protect me. Please, just take it all away. Leave me alone. He won't. +We'll show that to... Show what? It's gone. He wrote a self destruct virus into the code, so it would only play until we try to copy it. Then it erased itself. Gone... Do you remember what you saw? +I am not going to look at any more pictures. They're like a disease. They get into my head. I can't get them out. I don't look at pictures. I look at the real thing. I don't feel infected. +I don't look at pictures. I look at the real thing. I don't feel infected. Maybe that's why you can't catch him. I know what she looks like -- the red-headed woman in my computer. +Maybe that's why you can't catch him. I know what she looks like -- the red-headed woman in my computer. I just came from her... here's what you haven't seen. +She probably let him in the door without a thought. Where are their mothers?! Where are the mothers that are supposed to teach them to be wary and to tough and not afraid to fight? Look at the sign. 'Hell'? In the Festival of Love? You make any sense in that? +It's anybody connected to author- ity. They write, they even knock on your door. They're fans. It thrills them to flirt with getting caught. Nobody knows you have anything to do with this case; nothing has been on TV or the news... Why would he want to get in your computer? +Nobody knows you have anything to do with this case; nothing has been on TV or the news... Why would he want to get in your computer? Because I'm his damned pin-up girl! His, all of them! They know me. They're in prisons with libraries, they collect clippings, I'm their worthy opponent. You keep my name out of this. +That's amazing. A whole new book, thought up in a minute. Very good. All I know how t do is get up, take a shower, and go to work. Hope, if he does another I'll nail the son of bitch, and they'll spell my name right in the newspaper. Where is Andy going? He's going home. He slept over because I was a little anxious... +He's going home. He slept over because I was a little anxious... I want a guard on you. I'm worried about leaving you alone. +We've got another one. That's no surprise. +That's no surprise. But it's a different m.o. +But it's a different m.o. Then what do you need me for? +Then what do you need me for? "She was killed somewhere else and dumped outdoors in an empty lot. Where it says ""no dumping."" Her legs pulled apart in a kind of sexual pose. It's all different but it seems so -- the same. Artificial and posed... Something's wrong with it." +"She was killed somewhere else and dumped outdoors in an empty lot. Where it says ""no dumping."" Her legs pulled apart in a kind of sexual pose. It's all different but it seems so -- the same. Artificial and posed... Something's wrong with it." You're saying it's the same man, but he's changed his style? That doesn't happen. These men are robotic; the murder is like a ritual. The method itself is part of the pleasure... +Who turned off the Internet computer... I turned it off. It's like an open window he can climb right in... +I turned it off. It's like an open window he can climb right in... He comes in the window, we maybe grab him. Where's the on-switch? +He comes in the window, we maybe grab him. Where's the on-switch? Have you got a warrant? Get the hell out o here! This is the only space I have left in the world! Why can't you leave me out of it? +Have you got a warrant? Get the hell out o here! This is the only space I have left in the world! Why can't you leave me out of it? Helen -- the killer directly contacted you. His interest in you is intense. I'm worried about you. I don't want to lose you. I know this stirs up every monster under the bed, but this is the only direct contact we have with him. The only chance we have to trap him. So, you can turn Internet back on, or I do, and we put somebody here on a 24 hour shift and you can kick, scream and hyperventilate. +Helen -- the killer directly contacted you. His interest in you is intense. I'm worried about you. I don't want to lose you. I know this stirs up every monster under the bed, but this is the only direct contact we have with him. The only chance we have to trap him. So, you can turn Internet back on, or I do, and we put somebody here on a 24 hour shift and you can kick, scream and hyperventilate. That little Winona Ryder manner... you're more convincing as Clint Eastwood. +That little Winona Ryder manner... you're more convincing as Clint Eastwood. Clint is putting a guard on you. But if you swear to leave the computer on, Winona will assign him to the hall outside. +Ruben. Hello, Ruben... So that's that... +Hello, Ruben... So that's that... Please thank Inspector Goetz for taking care of me last night. +There were needle marks. But no drugs in her blood. So far nothing they test for comes up positive. +Is that it? That's exactly... I could have taken that same picture, this morning. +That's not consistent... You said they never changed their style, they're robots... Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. Tell them to test for the chemicals found in Windex. That's a product for cleaning with... +Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. Tell them to test for the chemicals found in Windex. That's a product for cleaning with... I know Windex, for God's sake, I clean my own windows... +I know Windex, for God's sake, I clean my own windows... It's what Bianchi and Buono injected into one of their victims. +It's what Bianchi and Buono injected into one of their victims. Injected Windex! Why would he switch to a new m.o.? +Injected Windex! Why would he switch to a new m.o.? Ah, if you knew that, you'd be half way to nailing him. Serial killing is irrational and rigid and compulsive. This guy has a plan all thought out, flexible and complex. He's playing a game with us. Who will he imitate next? Maybe he's doing all the serial killers in history, the great innovators, the murderers' hall of fame. Just to prove he's better than all of them. They got caught; he didn't. +Ah, if you knew that, you'd be half way to nailing him. Serial killing is irrational and rigid and compulsive. This guy has a plan all thought out, flexible and complex. He's playing a game with us. Who will he imitate next? Maybe he's doing all the serial killers in history, the great innovators, the murderers' hall of fame. Just to prove he's better than all of them. They got caught; he didn't. He'll get caught. If he has a plan that'll be what trips him up... +He'll get caught. If he has a plan that'll be what trips him up... Who's going to catch him? You? And if you do, there'll be another one. And one after that. +Who's going to catch him? You? And if you do, there'll be another one. And one after that. You're afraid of him. +You're afraid of him. This one, yes. I was always curious about these twisted little souls, but this is the first one I've felt personally terrified of. He's something new and unheard of. I don't know what he wants. +This one, yes. I was always curious about these twisted little souls, but this is the first one I've felt personally terrified of. He's something new and unheard of. I don't know what he wants. I'm giving you Clint outside. +Halloran. You betrayed me! Now every psychopath in the city knows I'm back in business... You lied to me! +You betrayed me! Now every psychopath in the city knows I'm back in business... You lied to me! I did not; the Mouth -- that's what we call Susan Schiffer -- got it on her own. +I did not; the Mouth -- that's what we call Susan Schiffer -- got it on her own. Why should I trust you? +Why should I trust you? Because I'm all you've got. +Helen, hang up, let Ruben get on with his work... What's that music. It's Abba. I can hear it. It's Abba. +What's that siren? One of those goddamned car alarms. What's going... +One of those goddamned car alarms. What's going... Ruben's gone to look... It's banged up but it looks like a .44. It's Son of Sam. Is it Son of Sam? +Ruben's gone to look... It's banged up but it looks like a .44. It's Son of Sam. Is it Son of Sam? Look in the crowd. He liked to hang around and watch the cops at work... +They put Merry Saks on it?! He said to send you his regards and to tell you that the Bureau holds you in the highest esteem. +He said to send you his regards and to tell you that the Bureau holds you in the highest esteem. What I can't believe is that in an earlier life I slept with him! Christ! Any God that loved his people would give women a rewind on their life and an erase button. Just give me a minute here. The letter is addressed to me... You don't feel fear, do you? You're young. You feel like you'll live forever. How wonderful. +What I can't believe is that in an earlier life I slept with him! Christ! Any God that loved his people would give women a rewind on their life and an erase button. Just give me a minute here. The letter is addressed to me... You don't feel fear, do you? You're young. You feel like you'll live forever. How wonderful. I put my ass on the line, giving you that. +I put my ass on the line, giving you that. They weren't going to show it to me?! The arrogance! It's my life! +They weren't going to show it to me?! The arrogance! It's my life! It's also the major piece of evidence, and it makes you a key part of his plan. You can't run away from it anymore. Look at the order he's doing them... He did three as the Boston Strangler just to tell us a copycat serial killer was at work. Then he did one like the Hillside Strang- ler. And then one as Son of Sam. To lead us on -- to where and what end? And he's doing more than that -- he's imitating each killer's method as closely as he can -- in details. Injecting Windex. Using .44. Playing Abba. +It's also the major piece of evidence, and it makes you a key part of his plan. You can't run away from it anymore. Look at the order he's doing them... He did three as the Boston Strangler just to tell us a copycat serial killer was at work. Then he did one like the Hillside Strang- ler. And then one as Son of Sam. To lead us on -- to where and what end? And he's doing more than that -- he's imitating each killer's method as closely as he can -- in details. Injecting Windex. Using .44. Playing Abba. It's not chronological: Son of Sam was before Hillside. +'...great dark hall of fame... all our greatest killers...' His greatest heroes? He wants to be famous. When they're caught and people like me write about them, we give them a kind of immortality. They get thousands of letters. Ramirez kills eight women and gets a hundred marriage proposals a month. They're like film stars. They get fan letters... +Let's speed up the game plan... call all the living serials to ask if they've had contact with a Peter Kurten. We could use some help on the phones... "They're not talking to me. Saks looks right through me. I ask him for some bodies, for the phones -- he's so encouraging: ""you make that your little job."" Condescending bastard. Helen, on your lists to call is San Quentin. Daryll Lee Cullum?" +"They're not talking to me. Saks looks right through me. I ask him for some bodies, for the phones -- he's so encouraging: ""you make that your little job."" Condescending bastard. Helen, on your lists to call is San Quentin. Daryll Lee Cullum?" You do that one, I don't want it... +What happened to you?! Ruben's dead. So stupid, a cop thing, a crazy kid and a buncha dumb mistakes... I'm sorry... because you and he... +I just thought it was so -- unprofessional. Of you both! He felt sorry for me. It was so nice to flirt. He was a darling man. +He felt sorry for me. It was so nice to flirt. He was a darling man. A man? I thought he was a boy. This last Christmas was the happiest Christmas I had in the last ten years... you know why? It was the first Christmas in six years I was not in love. Son of a bitch married men! Who cares about marriage, the bed just gets crowded and noisy?! +A man? I thought he was a boy. This last Christmas was the happiest Christmas I had in the last ten years... you know why? It was the first Christmas in six years I was not in love. Son of a bitch married men! Who cares about marriage, the bed just gets crowded and noisy?! You're exhausted. Let me get you a brandy. +You're exhausted. Let me get you a brandy. Where's the john? Let me clean up this mess, and get back to work. +Who's the married man? What does it matter? This guy, you checked your course records, who signed up? +The University computer is down for maintenance, but I've been going through my own notes... Look. There's the order: you wrote it: DeSalvo, Bianchi & Buono, Berkowitz and Dahmer. It's going to be Dahmer next. Which means he'll kill a man. +Yes. Dahmer! And after that... Bundy. That's the last one in your speech... +Bundy. That's the last one in your speech... Maybe you should... +Maybe you should... I'm working on it! It's what I do. Quinn...Halloran. I'll wait. Where's Andy, can we get some coffee in here? +I'm working on it! It's what I do. Quinn...Halloran. I'll wait. Where's Andy, can we get some coffee in here? Out. Where does he go? Nowhere. What does he do? Nothing. +I am not going to talk about it. How do you know it was Andy if the head was gone? Where is the head? Are you looking for it? Oh, God, why him? Because of me. I can't talk about it. I write about things like this, stuff it all in books and bury it in libraries. This is the first person close to me who's ever died. And it's because of me. This monster killed him because I loved him. I've got to go. I've got to go. +How many do you need to sleep. Really sheep? W-We had a fight. I called him... called him a name... +W-We had a fight. I called him... called him a name... Christ, Helen. The first time, we're ahead of the son of a bitch! I can't leave you like this -- and there's no time. Knock yourself out. +Helen. I saw him die. I saw him burning on the basement stairs, he never reached the top. They never kill themselves. How do you know it was him. You never met him. You never even saw a photograph... +They never kill themselves. How do you know it was him. You never met him. You never even saw a photograph... Helen -- let go. You've got to let go. +Helen -- let go. You've got to let go. He hasn't done Bundy. He's done every one of the others, hasn't he? If there are three dead Chi Omega college girls tomorrow, how will you feel? Go there. See if there could be any way for him to escape. +He hasn't done Bundy. He's done every one of the others, hasn't he? If there are three dead Chi Omega college girls tomorrow, how will you feel? Go there. See if there could be any way for him to escape. This has been the worst 48 hours of my life. I'm going home. I'm going to try to get drunk. +This has been the worst 48 hours of my life. I'm going home. I'm going to try to get drunk. If there's a one percent possibil- ity, can you live with yourself when he kills again? +If there's a one percent possibil- ity, can you live with yourself when he kills again? Oh, shut up, and don't be so damn self righteous. +Why can't I drive home? I will. You. Look at you. You need a ride home. And you don't even know it. Well, thanks. +You were the one that talked about moonbikes and called me a crank? Oh God, I am! Make them some coffee. Halloran, is it? Investigator Goetz? I had a crank call myself-- he said... I thought it might be Daryll Lee Cullum. I thought he might be out of prison. Daryll Lee Cullum? I don't think so. If he's escaped we'd have the National Guard, cops'd be crawling through sewers. You'd have a guard on your front door. +I don't want this. What are they? You called us, Doctor, if you don't want to look at them here, how about downtown. I'll drive you down... +Somebody is imitating his m.o. Look for a plumber or carpenter or handyman; that's how deSalvo got in the door and caught them off guard. The Boston Strangler, when was that...? +The Boston Strangler, when was that...? In the sixties. He's dead -- stabbed to death in prison. +That computer's wired into INTERNET. He's hacked into her Internet address. He's a hacker. +He's hacked into her Internet address. He's a hacker. He can get into my computer any time he likes! This is exactly the kind of thing I didn't want to have happen. +"It's a game they like to play. Berkowitz -- ""Son of Sam"" -- hung around the crime scene, talking to the cops. This one's probably watching you, laughing at you." Let me get a little action started here. +It's gone. The file's not here. What did you do? I just started it copying to tape, but the tape never ran. It just did that... +I just started it copying to tape, but the tape never ran. It just did that... He's brilliant. This one is brilliant. +I know 'Halloran.' What's the rest of it? MaryJane. We call her M.J. +MaryJane. We call her M.J. MaryJane. You think that logic and police procedure, order and science and method will hold back the horrors of a world gone mad and the sickness of the night. I did once. But you know how he'll get caught? He'll have an accident, or some cop will get lucky. You can't catch him by being intelligent and working hard. Or the worst: there are dozens of women slaughtered in the most horrible way, month after month. The news stories grow more grotesque and bizarre and in the city people lock their doors and windows, and hurry home before dark. And then, one day, there are no more. What happened? Did he just stop? Get tired and disgusted and decide not to kill any more? Did he kill himself? Did he die in an auto accident? Or a fight. Or get sick and die? It's like the murderer walked off the edge of the earth. And you never know. But you keep asking yourself -- when you read about a new murder -- is he back? +We're through for the night, aren't we? You go on. Get some sleep. I'll stay until we can get a man out here and maybe catch a cab home. That would be much appreciated. Thanks. +You and MaryJane aren't lovers. Not yet. +Are you always so bold? No. I'm shy and I'm selective. +The problem for me is... you're in the witness category. Know what I mean? Well. Another time, then. I'll be all right. He's not going to attack me; what I' m rally afraid of is all in my own head, Ruben. +Tell me what to do! I'm falling! I'm going to fall! +Don't let go... I can't breathe... I'll die! Shhh. It's okay. Just breathe. I'll fix it... +The lock... I'll get a locksmith. +I'll get a locksmith. Will you stay? Please? I'm afraid to sleep... I don't want...him...in my head... +It's a woman shot in a car? Yes. I have to go... +Yes. I have to go... She on the passenger side? +Don't hang up! What?... +What?... Listen to me. Is there a gas station nearby? +Yes. Is there a phone booth there? +Is there a phone booth there? They all have one... +They all have one... Go and look for a note. +Open the door. Please. Why don't you shoot off the lock? +He was in my apartment! I know, baby. I know. +You know how to use this? They taught me at the FBI. I was very good at it. It scared me... I liked it. +They taught me at the FBI. I was very good at it. It scared me... I liked it. You take it, hang on to it, it'll make you feel safer. Stay put. +You take it, hang on to it, it'll make you feel safer. Stay put. What else? +Ma'am, please get out of your vehicle... Merry, how... oh, Christ, of course, you had my phone tapped. +Merry, how... oh, Christ, of course, you had my phone tapped. Just get out of your vehicle... +Just get out of your vehicle... He's got Sergeant Halloran in there. He'll kill her the minute he sees or hears your people... +He's got Sergeant Halloran in there. He'll kill her the minute he sees or hears your people... You've been very useful, Doctor, we appreciate all you've done, and now the professional will take over... +You've been very useful, Doctor, we appreciate all you've done, and now the professional will take over... He wants me, he doesn't care about her. Let me... +"Hello. I am Meryhew Saks. The song is called ""Murder By Numbers."" The performers are a group called The Police. Adam here... ... from Behavioral Science is working out exactly what this perpetrator is trying to telegraph in the note. This is an extremely complex case, and we have a lot of fancy theories floating around. We're not ruling out the possib- ility of three Copycat serial killers. We have Quantico working on graphology, the Washington lap is cloning DNA from the secretor. It's our feeling that the best lead we have is the two sperm samples in one of the victims. We have a team sweeping sperm banks. Now I want to say a few word to you local people. Your Commissioner asked for our assistance. The Bureau does not send us in on these cases to lord it over the local police. We couldn't catch up on what you people know if we had a year. We have nation-wide resources and hard state of the art forensic science; you have the local savvy. Together we can be unbeatable. Which one is Inspector Halloran?" Over here. +We don't see too many lady homicide detectives. You have my respect. Have you discussed the note with Dr. Hudson? Someone broke into her place last night. It wasn't connected to our case, but it shook her up pretty bad so I haven't... +I was just about to advise the Inspector here not to show Dr. Hudson the note. Sir, Doctor Hudson and I see a pattern develop... +Sir, Doctor Hudson and I see a pattern develop... We know Helen. She's not exactly a credible collaborator. Especially late in the day... +We know Helen. She's not exactly a credible collaborator. Especially late in the day... She takes tranquilizers her doctor prescribes. +She takes tranquilizers her doctor prescribes. Who prescribes the brandy? +How come you're so up on Dr. Hudson? She is a writer, writing best selling books about serial killing. Giving lectures she's well-paid for. Her interests are not the interests of law enforcement. +She is a writer, writing best selling books about serial killing. Giving lectures she's well-paid for. Her interests are not the interests of law enforcement. Okay. +Okay. We've put a tap on Dr. Hudson's phone. I know you won't mention it. +I was. I'm over here? What's your name, Officer? +I'm over here? What's your name, Officer? Michael Johnson. +Michael Johnson. You touch anything, Mike? Pick up anything? Use the doorknob? I don't want to find your prints on anything later and you tell me you forgot to tell me. +You touch anything, Mike? Pick up anything? Use the doorknob? I don't want to find your prints on anything later and you tell me you forgot to tell me. No. I didn't. +Whatever it is, I'm gonna find out and sooner is a hell of lot better than later. Well, there's something missing in there. There was something around her neck when I came in there, but it's gone now. +Well, there's something missing in there. There was something around her neck when I came in there, but it's gone now. Who came in after you? +Who came in after you? Lieutenant Quinn. +What am I wasting my time with this shit for? Because it's your job, that's all. +Because it's your job, that's all. Not what I meant; why me? +Not what I meant; why me? Maybe it's something you did in this life, Nikko... +Working late. You're a damn fool. Oh, I know. +It's none of my business anymore... You got that right, Nikko, it's none of your business. +You got that right, Nikko, it's none of your business. You're shitting ion your career. You outrank hi... +Well, you outranked me, Nikko. Yeah. And you used that. Used me +Yeah. And you used that. Used me Don't put yourself down like that. I never used you. I worked my way up like a marine grunt! +Don't put yourself down like that. I never used you. I worked my way up like a marine grunt! Yeah, you did that too. You earned what you got; don't shit on it, that's all I'm saying. +Yeah, you did that too. You earned what you got; don't shit on it, that's all I'm saying. God, you're cute when you're mad. +If this is just the dump site, where did he do the job? Where did he pick her up? Doped up kids all over town. Park was full of them last night. Very easy pickin'. Goetz's type. +Quinn will be here any minute. What are you going to say? Christ. I didn't lock the fucking drawer! You spend twenty years thinking some perp's gonna whack you... you'll crash your car... but what happens is, you fuck yourself... You can't imagine how many times I saw you two... your head together, I wish him dead. Every time... Want to hear something weird? I feel like I'd give my life to bring him back. +Christ. I didn't lock the fucking drawer! You spend twenty years thinking some perp's gonna whack you... you'll crash your car... but what happens is, you fuck yourself... You can't imagine how many times I saw you two... your head together, I wish him dead. Every time... Want to hear something weird? I feel like I'd give my life to bring him back. You're in terrible trouble, Nikko. +You're in terrible trouble, Nikko. Who gives a fuck? In all the years I never seen you cry. You loved him. +I heard. Good police work. Just horseshit luck. +Just horseshit luck. Don't ever forget how good you are. +My third grade teacher at the convent shot better than that. Yeah, but she had divine guidance. +Answer it. I'm sure she thinks it is. Aren't you at least interested in which one it is? +You're good enough you'll never have to kill anyone. I joined the cops to save lives, not waste them. You know, M.J., when I watch you shoot, I realize I've got a little problem with my stance... could you just move over here and critique my legs? +Get Mercer to run the medical, dental, legal bills, laundry and dry cleaning receipts, extermin- ators, mailmen, grocery and drugstore deliveries, handymen, plumbers... It's mostly done, they got nobody in common, the three of them... No mutual friends -- the Landlady says nobody was ever there, she never saw her with anybody. +Snotty neurotic bitch... Classy madonna. +Classy madonna. Sure. She likes you, Rube. She likes the way you move. She sure as hell isn't in love with me. +Sure. She likes you, Rube. She likes the way you move. She sure as hell isn't in love with me. You came in there with this attitude... +You came in there with this attitude... Order Chinese for us and meet me the library? Anything but beef. +What's wrong with him? He's just mad he let me keep the espresso machine. We heard from Doctor Hudson? +He's just mad he let me keep the espresso machine. We heard from Doctor Hudson? Nada. Lemme make the call. +Nada. Lemme make the call. Honest to God, Ruben! +Honest to God, Ruben! I like women like that! +I like women like that! Tell it to your shrink. +You said you don't give a fuck and that's the beauty of a breakdown? This doesn't look like not giving a fuck, you know that? Let's get out of here... +You got a tape backup, yeah, here lemme copy it on tape... Why would he send this to Helen Hudson... +Absolutely. My promise. +Is Niccoletti assigned here? Quinn decided we should form a task force -- they're all one case, now. He wants all the senior detectives on it... She wasn't killed here. +She didn't fight back, no hair or skin under her fingernails. I'm not seeing any bruises or contusions... What about her arms? +What about her arms? Needle marks, fresh, here. look at this... +She's blue as hell. No marks on her neck. Asphyxiated? not the same -- no ligature marks. Outdoors... Look at her legs. +Look at her legs. Spread out like she was sexually assaulted here. +Ruben, my God, I ought to put you on report. You're right. I can't stand that bastard. Sorry. This is something new. Not the same guy, that's for sure. +You're right. I can't stand that bastard. Sorry. This is something new. Not the same guy, that's for sure. Yeah, everything's different. +Get the pictures, and casts of footprints. Look at him, grandstanding... +Now listen up, Ruben. You never, never, never mess with somebody inside the case! Excuse me? Excuse me?! What do you... +Excuse me? Excuse me?! What do you... You damn well better start working on that impulse control. A woman who is implicated in this case? Someone who's practically a piece of evidence? +You damn well better start working on that impulse control. A woman who is implicated in this case? Someone who's practically a piece of evidence? It's against your rules that I try to help a witness who's scared shitless? Who's... +It's against your rules that I try to help a witness who's scared shitless? Who's... The woman's unstable. You could wind up with a harassment charge. Anything. You're like some horny little teenager. +What's Abba? Bunch of Swedish women. You're too young. +She wants me to check the phone booth for a note. Helen... excuse me, we... +The woman was in shock. She was totally out on ranks. I stayed because I didn't want her to wake up alone in a place where she'd just been under attack. Stop that, you son of a bitch! The place wasn't secure. I was doing my goddamn job! And, for the second time, I slept in her living room. Don't try to lie, Ruben. You don't have the face for it. I need you to help interrogate the burglar in Hudson's place... +Don't try to lie, Ruben. You don't have the face for it. I need you to help interrogate the burglar in Hudson's place... Talk to Nikko...! +I'll talk to Conrad myself. I'll be in the jail when you wind this up... I gotta get something to eat, I haven't eaten all day. +You messed with the scene. Shut up. +I tagged the goddamned stocking. It ain't lost. We're sequestering that evidence. That's the trap some son of a bitch is going to fall into... Am I in charge of this thing? Or not. +Am I in charge of this thing? Or not. I said you were... +You didn't say serial killer and I didn't say serial killer. Right. +Right. This is the anniversary of the summer of love and your city fathers have declared a Festival of Love. The Mayor and Chamber of Commerce don't want TV announcing killers on the loose. +This is the anniversary of the summer of love and your city fathers have declared a Festival of Love. The Mayor and Chamber of Commerce don't want TV announcing killers on the loose. Right. +We're gonna have a bunch of clapped out old hippies blissing on the Grateful Dead! Sleeping in the park, smoking dope and sticking tulips up their ass. Good. +There was no sperm. The same as the firs two. Definitely a serial. +The same as the firs two. Definitely a serial. What are you looking at that for? Helen Hudson. Work the clues. +What are you looking at that for? Helen Hudson. Work the clues. What clues? I'm going to work Helen Hudson. +What clues? I'm going to work Helen Hudson. Would you step outside, Sergeant? +I'm telling you. Don't you ever address me publicly in that tone. You'll work what and who I tell you to work. Anybody in this department ever worked a serial killer case? She's the expert. I need help. +Anybody in this department ever worked a serial killer case? She's the expert. I need help. How about I put Nikko on it? +How about I put Nikko on it? That's always your privilege, sir. +Sergeant? Yessir. +Yessir. You ever reflect how this big explosion in dead women coincides with the flowering of women's lib? +You ever reflect how this big explosion in dead women coincides with the flowering of women's lib? Yessir. I have reflected on that, sir. Which explains my gushing deference to you, sir. +Don't swear at me because we got problems. I'm just giving you the news. I went to a Catholic school; I'll tell you what they teach. On the knuckles they teach. Who've I got to beat up except the messenger? Does this give us anything to go on? +Who've I got to beat up except the messenger? Does this give us anything to go on? I'm checking out anybody who lives like DeSalvo. Records of arrests for rape, especially by a man wearing green. Checking out psychiatric hospitals for his personality profile. Cross check- ing names from arrests for sexual offenses, public fondling. If they've got a German wife. We can keep cops working on this kind of junk for years, and this guy's going to hit again, soon. +I'm checking out anybody who lives like DeSalvo. Records of arrests for rape, especially by a man wearing green. Checking out psychiatric hospitals for his personality profile. Cross check- ing names from arrests for sexual offenses, public fondling. If they've got a German wife. We can keep cops working on this kind of junk for years, and this guy's going to hit again, soon. I know. Get out here. +I know. Get out here. So. Do we tell the media and hope for somebody to come forward with information? +So. Do we tell the media and hope for somebody to come forward with information? Or for some new nutcase to copycat the copycat. +Oh, maaaaan?! "What? I talk like a cop, this is the way I talk. I can't believe this guy. Saks. He's a Deputy Assistant Director of the F.B.I. ""Let me help you!""" +"What? I talk like a cop, this is the way I talk. I can't believe this guy. Saks. He's a Deputy Assistant Director of the F.B.I. ""Let me help you!""" We could use a little help. +We could use a little help. With the F.B.I. there's no such thing as a little help. They bury you with help. Explain to me about this virus, no don't tell me about the virus. Thing is, you saw it, the pictures. +So what have we got? It's not the same guy. It should be a self-solver. No bow around the neck, left and body outdoors, completely different. The others were housewives, secretaries, he talked his way inside, killed them in their own living room or bed- or bathroom. This one didn't have a husband or a boyfriend, no family, temp waitress, 3 arrests for misdemeanor dope offenses, DUI, asphyxiation probably from a plastic bag over her head. Sexually assaulted. The others weren't molested that way. We're waiting for the sperm tests... +It's not the same guy. It should be a self-solver. No bow around the neck, left and body outdoors, completely different. The others were housewives, secretaries, he talked his way inside, killed them in their own living room or bed- or bathroom. This one didn't have a husband or a boyfriend, no family, temp waitress, 3 arrests for misdemeanor dope offenses, DUI, asphyxiation probably from a plastic bag over her head. Sexually assaulted. The others weren't molested that way. We're waiting for the sperm tests... Christ. How old are you? You sure you want to be in this line of work? +Christ. How old are you? You sure you want to be in this line of work? You're damn right I do. +You're damn right I do. Okay, now what about your sidekick punching my favorite detective? What the hell is going on? You got no discipline in your operation. +Okay, now what about your sidekick punching my favorite detective? What the hell is going on? You got no discipline in your operation. I'm sorry it had to come to your attention. I am dealing with it. +Where you going? Helen Hudson... +Helen Hudson... What the hell you need her for? +What the hell you need her for? Because I think I'm wrong. +M.J., I'm going to have to borrow Ruben. The alien-smuggling thing in Chinatown is going down tomorrow night and Jack's kid got hit by a car. I gotta give Ruben to Nikko. What does this mean? Now we got the FBI, my team is expendable? I'm working my ass off, is anybody listening? Why Ruben, anyway? He and Nikko don't even get on together... +What does this mean? Now we got the FBI, my team is expendable? I'm working my ass off, is anybody listening? Why Ruben, anyway? He and Nikko don't even get on together... Teach both of them a lesson in cooperation and self-discipline. +Teach both of them a lesson in cooperation and self-discipline. If this is a first step in kicking me off the case, just tell me, to my face, sir, don't waste time being diplomatic. +If this is a first step in kicking me off the case, just tell me, to my face, sir, don't waste time being diplomatic. Just, I need results. And -- I am short-handed. Who else am I gonna give him? +Just, I need results. And -- I am short-handed. Who else am I gonna give him? Give him thatpompous son of a bitch. +I didn't want the Illigals, I wanted just the bastards dumping them in the harbor. What's keeping those bums at Immigration? Nightmare in here... I gotta have Ruben, and a... +The prowler in Hudson's apartment turns out to have a meeting with a suspect... You got a suspect... +You got a suspect... How'd you get in on the deal? +How'd you get in on the deal? I'm gonna drop charges on the break-and-enter at Hudson's... +I'm gonna drop charges on the break-and-enter at Hudson's... You have no authority to make a deal like that. That' s for the D.A... +You have no authority to make a deal like that. That' s for the D.A... Or the F.B.I.? +Or the F.B.I.? Saks. If he knew you did that! They're all asking me, 'what is she doing,' as it is. +Saks. If he knew you did that! They're all asking me, 'what is she doing,' as it is. Give me Ruben back... +Give me Ruben back... Nikko? +You want mine, too? You take his, you take mine. I'm the one fucked it up... So I'm maybe gonna lose three good cops? You fucked up on this occasion, but don't be so hard on yourself. There's something I want you to think about. The book says if you use your gun, use it to kill, that's what it's meant to do. You tried to pick this punk off with fancy shooting, to keep him alive. To what end? You're not willing to kill, you can't be a cop. Go get drunk. I am. +That was Bundy. He killed forty of them, identical, long hair, parted in the middle, alike as Barbie dolls. ...this is hopeless. Let's try to get time for a police spokesman to appear on college radio and TV hookups and broadcast a warning? """Spokesperson.""" +She's in no shape to give her statement tonight... No, she can come in tomorrow... gonna want to know a lot of things... +I just got here myself, Susan. ...confirm this third murder adds up to a pattern? Do we have a serial killer on the loose in the city? +...confirm this third murder adds up to a pattern? Do we have a serial killer on the loose in the city? I just got here. Talk to you later... +... third Bay Area woman has been strangled, but the police continue to deny that this is the work of one killer. Lt. Thomas Quinn declares that the murders will be treated as unrelated crimes, unless new evidence... You messed with the evidence. +Detective Niccoletti? What's this about the Boston Strangler, M.J.? +Inspector, will you confirm somebody is copying the Boston Strangler? This is the fourth, is that correct? We're going to review all the evidence carefully before making any statement... +He's not treating her right... She left you, Nikko. She's not your responsibility. She takes very good care of herself. If she wants to romance the kid, it ain't your business. Your business is to snap out of it. +She left you, Nikko. She's not your responsibility. She takes very good care of herself. If she wants to romance the kid, it ain't your business. Your business is to snap out of it. We were together six years, sir! +We were together six years, sir! Don't give me six years! You never divorced Patty, did you? So what'd you expect from M.J.? +Don't give me six years! You never divorced Patty, did you? So what'd you expect from M.J.? She knows I'm Catholic! She never mentioned divorce! Not once! +She knows I'm Catholic! She never mentioned divorce! Not once! Then you shoulda known she wasn't buying. She was just long-term leasing' you. Ah, Nickie. Except for that rare twenty-second twitch, there ain't nothin' about sex I don't hate. But of course, I'm Irish. Plus I got real problems. I'm worried I might have to put you in over M.J. There's something going on here, the Commissioner is targeting her now, I can't leave a woman in that position. But the thing is, how can I move you in, if you go on acting like a teenage asshole? +Then you shoulda known she wasn't buying. She was just long-term leasing' you. Ah, Nickie. Except for that rare twenty-second twitch, there ain't nothin' about sex I don't hate. But of course, I'm Irish. Plus I got real problems. I'm worried I might have to put you in over M.J. There's something going on here, the Commissioner is targeting her now, I can't leave a woman in that position. But the thing is, how can I move you in, if you go on acting like a teenage asshole? I don't want the job. Don't do that to her. She's worked too damned hard for it. +I don't want the job. Don't do that to her. She's worked too damned hard for it. What's going down with the sting in Chinatown? That gonna be off your plate in a week or what? +Put in the Kevin Costner. Why don't we save it for later? It's almost time for Letterman. +Why don't we save it for later? It's almost time for Letterman. You know I don't like to watch talk shows by myself. Where're you? +See, now you've annoyed her. You know she doesn't like you to touch me. Does she, widdle wee fing! Wuhve you so much! Did you feed her? Yes, I fed her. If she says she's hungry, she's lying to you. Again. +Yes, I fed her. If she says she's hungry, she's lying to you. Again. She doesn't lie! You sure you fed her? +She doesn't lie! You sure you fed her? She lies all the time. Why would I say I fed her if I didn't? +She lies all the time. Why would I say I fed her if I didn't? That's what I don't know. Why would you lie? That's the problem... I can't understand why anyone would lie. +Where were you? In the private aircraft hangar. Anybody could have walked in. +In the private aircraft hangar. Anybody could have walked in. Did you come? +Did you come? No. What about your camera girl? Did she come? +No. What about your camera girl? Did she come? We were interrupted. I had to go back to the set... +Poor darling. What can I do about Karen? How can I arrange to have her seduce me? She desperately needs a conquest. I've been thinking about that, about you and Karen. +There, that's better. Thank you. +Not a lot of action here. They consider this to be the airport hospital. This ward is reserved for air- crash victims. The beds are kept waiting. +They consider this to be the airport hospital. This ward is reserved for air- crash victims. The beds are kept waiting. If I groundloop during my flying lesson on Saturday you might wake up and find me next to you. +If I groundloop during my flying lesson on Saturday you might wake up and find me next to you. I'll listen for you buzzing over. +Is that a gift from Wendel? It has an aeronautical feel to it. Yes. From Wendel. To celebrate, the license approval for our air-charter firm. I forgot to tell you. +That's going well, then. Well, yes. You're getting out of bed tomorrow. They want you to walk. +The other man, the dead man, his wife is a doctor - Dr. Helen Remington. She's here, somewhere. As a patient, of course. Maybe you'll find her in the hallways tomorrow on your walk. And her husband? What was he? +And her husband? What was he? He was a chemical engineer with a food company. +Where's the car? Outside in the visitors, car park. +Outside in the visitors, car park. What!? They brought the car here? +What!? They brought the car here? My car, not yours. Yours is a complete wreck. The police dragged it to the pound behind the station. +My car, not yours. Yours is a complete wreck. The police dragged it to the pound behind the station. Have you seen it? +Have you seen it? The sergeant asked me to identify it. He didn't believe you'd gotten out alive. +The sergeant asked me to identify it. He didn't believe you'd gotten out alive. It's about time. +It's about time. It is? +It is? After being bombarded endlessly by road- safety propaganda, it's almost a relief to have found myself in-an actual accident. +Minute flecks were spattered across the seat and steering wheel. The instrument panel was buckled inwards, cracking the clock and the speedometer dials. The cabin was deformed, and there was dust and glass and plastic flakes everywhere inside. The carpeting was damp and stank of blood and other body and machine fluids. You should have gone to the funeral. +You should have gone to the funeral. I wish I had. They bury the dead so quickly - they should leave them lying around for months. +I wish I had. They bury the dead so quickly - they should leave them lying around for months. What about his wife? The woman doctor? Have you visited her yet? +What about his wife? The woman doctor? Have you visited her yet? No, I couldn't. I feel too close to her. +Renata tells me you're going to rent a car. I can't sit on this balcony forever. I'm beginning to feel like a potted plant. +I can't sit on this balcony forever. I'm beginning to feel like a potted plant. How can you drive? James... your legs. You can Barely walk. +How can you drive? James... your legs. You can Barely walk. Is the traffic heavier now? There seem to be three times as many cars as there were before the accident. +Is the traffic heavier now? There seem to be three times as many cars as there were before the accident. I've never really noticed. Is Renata going with you? +I've never really noticed. Is Renata going with you? I thought she might come along. Handling a car again might be more tiring than I imagine. +I thought she might come along. Handling a car again might be more tiring than I imagine. I'm amazed that she'll let you drive her. +I'm amazed that she'll let you drive her. You're not envious? +You're not envious? Maybe I am a little. James, I've got to leave for the office. Are you going to be all right? +He must have tucked a lot of women in that huge car of his. It's like a bed on wheels. It must smell of semen... It does. +It does. Do you find him attractive? +Do you find him attractive? He's very pale. Covered with scars. +He's very pale. Covered with scars. Would you like to tuck him, though? In that car? +Would you like to tuck him, though? In that car? No. But when he's in that car... +No. But when he's in that car... Have you seen his penis? +Have you seen his penis? I think it's badly scarred too. From a motorcycle accident. +I think it's badly scarred too. From a motorcycle accident. Is he circumcised? Can you imagine what his anus is like? Describe it to me. Would you like to sodomize him? Would you like to put your penis right into his anus, thrust it up his anus? Tell me, describe it to me. Tell me what you would do. How would you kiss him in that car? Describe how you'd reach over and unzip his greasy jeans, then take out his penis. Would you kiss it or suck it right away? Which hand would you hold it in? Have you ever sucked a penis? Do you know what semen tastes like? Have you ever tasted semen? Some semen is saltier than others. Vaughan's semen must be very salty... +They're questioning Vaughan about an accident near the airport. Some pedestrian... they think he was run over intentionally. Vaughan isn't interested in pedestrians. +You'd better drive him. He's a bit shaky. I'll follow in my car. Where is yours? At home. I couldn't face all this traffic. +At home. I couldn't face all this traffic. I'd better come with you, then. Are you sure you can drive? +I thought that was you, up there. My last lesson's next week. James... my car... +I wasn't driving. I'd left the car in the parking lot at the airport. Could it have been deliberate? One of your suitors? +One of your suitors? One of my suitors. +The traffic... where is everyone? They've all gone away. I'd like to go back. James... +I'd like to go back. James... Not yet. It's only beginning. +I think he'll be waiting for us at the airport James. +After this sort of thing, how do people manage to look at a car, let alone drive one? I'm trying to find Charles's car. It's not here. Maybe the police are still holding it. Their forensic people... +It's not here. Maybe the police are still holding it. Their forensic people... They said it was here. They told me this morning. +I don't think we should have come here. I'm surprised the police don't make it more difficult. Were you badly hurt? I think we saw each other at the hospital. I don't want the car. In fact, I was appalled to find that I have to pay a small fee to have it scrapped. +Were you badly hurt? I think we saw each other at the hospital. I don't want the car. In fact, I was appalled to find that I have to pay a small fee to have it scrapped. Can I give you a lift? I somehow find myself driving again. +You haven't told me where we're going. Haven't I? To the airport, if you could. +The airport? Why? Are you leaving? Not yet - though not soon enough for some people, I've already found. A death in the doctor's family makes the patients doubly uneasy. +Not yet - though not soon enough for some people, I've already found. A death in the doctor's family makes the patients doubly uneasy. I take it you're not wearing white to reassure them. +I take it you're not wearing white to reassure them. I'll wear a bloody kimono if I want to. +I'll wear a bloody kimono if I want to. So - why the airport? +So - why the airport? I work in the immigration department there. +Do you want a cigarette? I started to smoke at the hospital. It's rather stupid of me. Look at all this traffic. I'm not sure I can deal with it. +Look at all this traffic. I'm not sure I can deal with it. It's much worse now. You noticed that, did you? The day I left the hospital I had the extraordinary feeling that all these cars were gathering for some special reason I didn't understand. There seemed to be ten times as much traffic. +It's much worse now. You noticed that, did you? The day I left the hospital I had the extraordinary feeling that all these cars were gathering for some special reason I didn't understand. There seemed to be ten times as much traffic. Are we imagining it? +"I've found that I enjoy burying myself in heavy traffic. I like to look at it. Yesterday I hired a taxi driver to drive me around for an hour. ""Anywhere"", I said." We sat in B massive traffic jam under an off-ramp. I don't think we moved more than fifty yards. I'm thinking of taking up a new job with the Road Research Laboratory. They need a medical officer. The salary is larger something I've got to think about now. There's a certain moral virtue in being materialistic, I'm beginning to feel. Well, it's a new approach for me, in any case. +We sat in B massive traffic jam under an off-ramp. I don't think we moved more than fifty yards. I'm thinking of taking up a new job with the Road Research Laboratory. They need a medical officer. The salary is larger something I've got to think about now. There's a certain moral virtue in being materialistic, I'm beginning to feel. Well, it's a new approach for me, in any case. The Road Research Laboratory? Where they simulate car crashes? +The Road Research Laboratory? Where they simulate car crashes? Yes. +Yes. Isn't that rather too close...? +Isn't that rather too close...? That's the point. Besides, I know I can give something now that I wasn't remotely aware of before. It's not a matter of duty so much as of commitment. +Who is that? The announcer. Do I know him? That's Vaughan. He talked to you at the hospital. +That's Vaughan. He talked to you at the hospital. Oh yes. I thought he was a medical photographer, doing some sort of accident research. He wanted every conceivable detail about our crash. +Oh yes. I thought he was a medical photographer, doing some sort of accident research. He wanted every conceivable detail about our crash. When I first met Vaughan, he was a specialist in international computerized traffic systems. I don't know what he is now. +Is this part of the act or are they really hurt? I don't know. You can never be sure with Vaughan. This is his show. +Please finish your story. The junior pathologist at Ashford Hospital. Then the husband of a colleague of mine, then a trainee radiologist, then the service manager at my garage. +The junior pathologist at Ashford Hospital. Then the husband of a colleague of mine, then a trainee radiologist, then the service manager at my garage. And you had sex with all of these men in cars? Only in cars? +And you had sex with all of these men in cars? Only in cars? Yes. I didn't plan it that way. +Yes. I didn't plan it that way. And did you fantasize that Vaughan was photographing all these sex acts? As though they were traffic accidents? +And did you fantasize that Vaughan was photographing all these sex acts? As though they were traffic accidents? Yes. They felt like traffic accidents. +Are we allowed to park here? No. +No. I'm sure the police would make an exception in your case. +There's still a patch of blood there on the road. Did you see it? I saw the blood. It looks like motor oil. +I saw the blood. It looks like motor oil. You were the last one I saw just before the accident. Do you remember? We made love. +You were the last one I saw just before the accident. Do you remember? We made love. Are you still involving me in your crash? +Can you drive? I can drive. +What is it? A complimentary ticket for a special stunt-driving exhibition. Definitely not part of the big auto show. There's a map in the packet and a note requesting you be discrete about the location. +A complimentary ticket for a special stunt-driving exhibition. Definitely not part of the big auto show. There's a map in the packet and a note requesting you be discrete about the location. Really? What kind of exhibition is it? +Really? What kind of exhibition is it? I suspect it involves reenactments of famous car crashes. You know, Jayne Mansfield, James Dean, Albert Camus... +I suspect it involves reenactments of famous car crashes. You know, Jayne Mansfield, James Dean, Albert Camus... You're kidding. +You're kidding. Serious. But you'll have to take your new friend, the female crash-test dummy. She dropped it off for you. +Serious. But you'll have to take your new friend, the female crash-test dummy. She dropped it off for you. You're not jealous, are you? You have to understand... Helen and I had this strange, intense... experience together. +What does he want from you? Hard to say. +Hard to say. I'm going to leave now. Do you want a lift? +I'm going to leave now. Do you want a lift? No, thanks. I'll go with Vaughan. +Crash victim? Yes. +Why are the police taking this all so seriously? It's not the police. It's the Department of Transport. Internal politics. It's a joke. They have no idea who we really are +Do you live here? With Seagrave? I live in my car. This is my workshop. +What exactly is your project, Vaughan? ~ book of crashes? A medical study? A sensational documentary? Global traffic? It's something we're all intimately involved in: The reshaping of the human body by modern technology. +I've always wanted to drive a crashed car. You could get your wish at any moment. +You could get your wish at any moment. No, I mean a crash with a history. Camus' Facel Vega, or Nathaniel Nest's station wagon, Grace Kelly's Rover 3500. Fix it just enough to get it rolling. Don't clean it, don't touch anything else. +No, I mean a crash with a history. Camus' Facel Vega, or Nathaniel Nest's station wagon, Grace Kelly's Rover 3500. Fix it just enough to get it rolling. Don't clean it, don't touch anything else. Is that why you drive this car? I take it that you see Kennedy's assassination as a special kind of car-crash? +Is that why you drive this car? I take it that you see Kennedy's assassination as a special kind of car-crash? The case could be made. +It's very... satisfying. I'm not sure I understand why. It's the future, Ballard, and you're already part of it. For the first time, a benevolent psychopathology beckons towards us. For example, the car crash is a fertilizing rather than a destructive event - a liberation of sexual energy that mediates the sexuality of those who have died with an intensity impossible in any other form. To fully understand that, and to live that... that is my project. +It's the future, Ballard, and you're already part of it. For the first time, a benevolent psychopathology beckons towards us. For example, the car crash is a fertilizing rather than a destructive event - a liberation of sexual energy that mediates the sexuality of those who have died with an intensity impossible in any other form. To fully understand that, and to live that... that is my project. What about the reshaping of the human body by modern technology? I thought that was your project. +What about the reshaping of the human body by modern technology? I thought that was your project. A crude sci-fi concept that floats on the surface and doesn't threaten anybody. I use it to test the resilience of my potential partners in psychopathology. +He must have driven through a pool of blood. If the police stop you again, they may impound the car while they have the blood analyzed. Vaughan kneels beside him and inspects the smears of blood. You're right, Ballard. There's an all- night car-wash in the airport service area. +I need to see you, Ballard. I need to talk to you about the project. Where are you? +Hello, Letitia. I'm Dr. Emlee, and I have some questions to ask you... I did this already. +I did this already. It's hospital policy... +I'm the only doctor making rounds this morning. Well, I don't have hallucinations. Honest. +Well, I don't have hallucinations. Honest. This doctor, was he tall, with dark hair? +This doctor, was he tall, with dark hair? Yeah, and a dimple. +I'm afraid Lhe's not a doctor. Psychologist, therapist, whatever. +Psychologist, therapist, whatever. Patient. +Patient. What? +What kind of place is this? I apologize for the inconvenience, but I must ask you some... +I apologize for the inconvenience, but I must ask you some... I want to see my mother immediately. +I want to see my mother immediately. We discourage family visits for the first 48 hours after an emotional trauma like the kind you've experienced. +We discourage family visits for the first 48 hours after an emotional trauma like the kind you've experienced. I don't think you understand. I won't wait. +Do we have to talk about this? I think in the spirit of group therapy, it's beneficial for each of us to open ourselves up to the others. +The medicine's still bothering me. It feels like I have cotton wrapped around my brain. We'll see about adjusting the dosage if that doesn't clear in the next How are other things going? +The question, Letty, is how are you feeling? I miss Beast a lot, too. +I couldn't really say anything because of that fraternizing rule. Well, Letty, this does present a liability issue for the hospital. +Well, Letty, this does present a liability issue for the hospital. I'm a grown woman, Dr. Emlee. I can take care of myself. +I'm a grown woman, Dr. Emlee. I can take care of myself. What about Michael? Do you know the extent of his... +What about Michael? Do you know the extent of his... I know Michael's a schizophrenic, and Mrs. Hallstrom's manic- depressive, and John Lockyer has episodes of psychosis, and I heard a rumor that you suffer from delusions of grandeur. +I know Michael's a schizophrenic, and Mrs. Hallstrom's manic- depressive, and John Lockyer has episodes of psychosis, and I heard a rumor that you suffer from delusions of grandeur. Go ahead and put the guard back up, Letty. But you need to know what you're dealing with. +Go ahead and put the guard back up, Letty. But you need to know what you're dealing with. I don't need a lecture. I care about Michael. +I don't need a lecture. I care about Michael. Then that's even more reason to listen. Look, schizophrenics tend to withdraw from reality. They experience emotional disturbances that result in personality changes. +Look, I know he's almost through with treatment here. And, he's on medication. Drugs can help suppress symptoms. But lots of patients stop taking them when they're on their own because the side effects are so harsh. And, Michael's condition is often worsened by periods of stress. He's been in and out of... +Drugs can help suppress symptoms. But lots of patients stop taking them when they're on their own because the side effects are so harsh. And, Michael's condition is often worsened by periods of stress. He's been in and out of... I don't want to hear anymore. +First you tell me to do what I want to, then you tell me to stop. All I want you to do is think about what's best for you. Really think about it. +But what I really can't believe is that I'm starting to actually miss work. Have you been in contact with the principal about your job? +Have you been in contact with the principal about your job? I thought about calling, but I want to wait until I know when I'll be out. +I thought about calling, but I want to wait until I know when I'll be out. Then, you should call. +Then, you should call. What? +What? I think it's about that time, Letty. The charges against you have been dropped, the drugs have evened out and you seem to be dealing with your life quite well. +I think it's about that time, Letty. The charges against you have been dropped, the drugs have evened out and you seem to be dealing with your life quite well. Are you saying I'm through with therapy? +So, we'll meet every Tuesday and Friday. And if you have any kind of emergency, you can page me. OK, good. That's good. Thanks an awful lot for everything, and for coming down here to see me off. +OK, good. That's good. Thanks an awful lot for everything, and for coming down here to see me off. It was just a little going-away gesture. +It was just a little going-away gesture. I have a going-away gesture for you, too. +I have a going-away gesture for you, too. Oh? +What's up with you? Me? Nothing. Tell me more about the job. +Just go ahead and tell us. There's nothing to tell. +No, really. Tell me about the promotion. Well, my theory is that people can really enjoy math, but they lose interest... +She says she won't even come if Dad brings Monica. Mom won't miss your wedding. She'll come around. I promise she will. +How? I'll talk to her, and to Dad, too. A few wisely-chosen guilt tactics and they'll be ours. +I'll talk to her, and to Dad, too. A few wisely-chosen guilt tactics and they'll be ours. Maybe if we had them both to dinner or something. +Maybe. You always throw the best dinner parties, Letty. +Oh, wait a minute, now I see where you're going. Please, Letty. +Please, Letty. Mom and Dad? At dinner together? Are you crazy? +Maybe, though. Maybe it would work. I could throw you an engagement party maybe. Really? +You know what, Ruthie? I better get back to my class, OK? And the party? +And the party? Yeah, it'll be fun. +Where's the old bag I sometimes call Mommy? She said she'd be here at 10. +What do you think of this one? I'd have to see it on. +Things have been kind of stressful lately. But everything's OK? +Yeah, everything's under control. What about the engagement party? +What about the engagement party? Everything's ready for tomorrow night--except the artillery. +Everything's ready for tomorrow night--except the artillery. Thanks so much for planning it, Letty. Jake's really looking forward to it. +What about this one? You look beautiful. +You look beautiful. Really? +Really? Truly. +Hi, Mom. Look, Mom, I think I've found the dress. +Go on, Letty. I want to see it on you. Do you think I should? +How can I help? Paul, can you hand me the olives? Ruth, I need you to, what was it? +Paul, can you hand me the olives? Ruth, I need you to, what was it? What about the souffle? Has that gone in? +Fuck me. What's the matter? +What's all the dreck? Sage, rosemary... Les Herbes. +Sage, rosemary... Les Herbes. It'll be fine. +It'll be fine. No, no. They've got to be Puglia olives, packed in a light brine with a flavor that doesn't overpower the palate. +Letty, dinner's almost ready. The souffle... I'll be back before you can say souffle. +I can't believe you finally gave me the shirt. Loaned you. And it's only 'til you get out of here. +Loaned you. And it's only 'til you get out of here. That settles it. I'm never leaving. +That settles it. I'm never leaving. I can hardly wait 'til you're free. Planning the wedding without you has been a disaster. +I can hardly wait 'til you're free. Planning the wedding without you has been a disaster. You're slowing. +You're slowing. Mom and I fought for 20 minutes over whether we should go with ecru invitations or brilliant white. +What do you think? Ecru. +Ecru. And then the gold scroll or the black Romanesque print? +Do we have to talk wedding details? Oh, no, of course not. +What's his name, Letty? I didn't say... +I don't think people even noticed. I thought the ceremony was perfect. That's thanks to all your help. +You did the right thing. I ruined your wedding night. +Oh, Ruthie, what am I going to do? You don't have to make any decisions tonight. +You don't have to make any decisions tonight. But what am I going to do? +But what am I going to do? Do you want to go see him? I'll take you if you want to go. +Do you want to go see him? I'll take you if you want to go. I can't. I can't see him there. +I was so sure. I really thought it would work. We have plans, Ruth. I know. I know. +How wonderful, darling. What does that mean for you? I'll be running it three days a week, and... +I'll be running it three days a week, and... Will you get time off to do that? +Will you get time off to do that? Not now, but maybe later, if they like the program. +Are you sure, Dear? Come on. +My goodness. A wedding. My goodness. Wow. Congratulations. +Tell us every detail. You've only known Jake a few months. +Has Paul heard about his promotion? No, not yet. But you know Paul. He's sure to get it. +Oh no. Paul could pop the question at any time. +Paul could pop the question at any time. Mom, please. +Mom, please. Especially with a promotion in the offing. +I gather he's late as usual. Can I get you a glass of champagne? +I'm here, Sweetheart. I'm here. It's going to be OK. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. +I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, Letty, what happened? +Oh, Letty, what happened? Mom, I was there, and I just, I was so... They didn't have the olives, and I, I got so upset. I don't know how it happened. +Mom, I was there, and I just, I was so... They didn't have the olives, and I, I got so upset. I don't know how it happened. I've talked to Doctor Emlee, and he says... +I've talked to Doctor Emlee, and he says... I'm so glad to see you. You can't believe the people in here. They've got patients posing as doctors... +I'm so glad to see you. You can't believe the people in here. They've got patients posing as doctors... Everyone says it's the best facility in the area for this sort of thing. +Everyone says it's the best facility in the area for this sort of thing. I just want to go home. Can we go home now? +Maybe I should talk about this with Ruth, or Paul. We all agree with the doctor, Dear. He thinks it's safer for you to stay here for a while. +Yes. But what about Beast? Who'll...? +But what about Beast? Who'll...? Ruth's already taken him home. +Ruth's already taken him home. And my class. It'll be hard to find a good substitute. And what about my math program? +And my class. It'll be hard to find a good substitute. And what about my math program? Paul said he'd call the school. And your father thinks he's convinced the guard not to press charges as long as you get help. +I'll see you soon. Tomorrow? +Tomorrow? As soon as Dr. Emlee says. +It's so good to see you, Sweetheart. You too, Mom. +You too, Mom. You're looking good. A little thin, but good. +Which flowers did you order? We haven't. I wanted to talk that over with you, too. +We haven't. I wanted to talk that over with you, too. Oh, OK, well, better to choose the table cloths first anyway. +Oh, OK, well, better to choose the table cloths first anyway. I was thinking either the peach moire or cream damask. +We aren't allowed to wear jewelry in here, Mom. Just think, pretty soon, we'll be doing all these wedding preparations for you. Of course, if that's what you still want. Ruthie told me some silly story about a crush on some boy here. +I haven't had a crush since I was When did you start smoking? +I hear this Michael fellow is schizophrenic. Mom, please. +Mom, please. Don't forget that Paul's a promising young attorney who loves you very much... +Don't forget that Paul's a promising young attorney who loves you very much... Mom, look, if I want to dump Paul, I'll dump him. If I want to screw Michael or live with him or marry him, then I'll do that. +I'm only looking out for you. And if I want to smoke, I'll fucking smoke. +Must you walk so quickly? It's good exercise, Mom. +I'm so thankful you'll be leaving next week. If you want me to pick you up, I will. I've already made arrangements. +Mom, we agreed. You can visit, but you're not allowed to mention Michael. Not even if it's something positive? +Honestly, Letty. A deal's a deal. +Michael just got a job. Couldn't you congratulate him? I will, Dear. I promise. Why McDonald's? +I will, Dear. I promise. Why McDonald's? He's been looking everywhere for weeks, Mom. It's not that easy after you've been locked away. +I'm going to take that as an honest effort at being open minded. Don't be fresh. +Don't be fresh. Just remember that I love him. +I'm really not that hungry. Just eat whatever you want. This will give you a chance to meet some people. +Letty, you should be in bed. There's a spider in my room. +There's a spider in my room. Yeah? +Yeah? It's got a green dot on its back. I can't go to sleep with it watching me. +It's got a green dot on its back. I can't go to sleep with it watching me. Sounds awful. I guess we better check it out. +It had this red spot on its back. Green spot. +Green spot. Mottled really. Green and red. +I don't know why you feel you have to lie, Letty. Lie? +Lie? If you feel lonely, or need to talk, all you have to do is say so. +If you feel lonely, or need to talk, all you have to do is say so. To talk? Well, OK, that might be good. +To talk? Well, OK, that might be good. I understand you just got engaged. Maybe that's where we should start. +I don't mean to go on and on like this. It's OK. It's good to let it out. +You can only do what feels best to you now. I guess so. I think that's right. +You've been so great. I just feel a lot clearer about things. I'm glad. +Do you mind if I call you Letitia? Letty. +Letty. First off, Letty, can you tell me where you are? +First off, Letty, can you tell me where you are? I answered these questions last night. +I answered these questions last night. I know this can be a real drag, but the attending physician on day shift is required to do his own prelim exam when a patient is admitted during the night. +No, 79. Sorry, this makes me nervous. It's OK. It's not a pass-fail kind of thing. +Chair, cup and ball. Terrific. +Let me shift gears here a minute... Do you ever hear voices that other people don't hear or see things they don't? No. +No. What about patterns? Do you find yourself checking and re-checking locks? Or washing your hands over and over again? +Yes? Go right ahead. Sometimes my food, and my clothes, and my underwear. +How do you sort it--by lace and cotton? By color. +By color. What if it's got a pattern? +What if it's got a pattern? Is this really important? Because I don't think it's a problem. +A while, I guess. That must be really difficult. +"Hey there. They're showing ""Groundhog Day"" if you..." You took bets on my diagnosis? +You took bets on my diagnosis? It's no big deal. We all compare. +It's no big deal. We all compare. Who do you think you are? +Don't take it personally. You have no right, no right to take the worst thing that's ever happened to me and make it into some kind of game. +You have no right, no right to take the worst thing that's ever happened to me and make it into some kind of game. Stop acting like you're someone special. You're just like the rest of us. +Stop acting like you're someone special. You're just like the rest of us. I'm not the one who's masquerading as a doctor. I'm not the one who's, who's... +What are you looking to read? Anything interesting. +But you're checking it out. I've already checked it out 17 times. +You missed out on some great broccoli florets at dinner. I wasn't hungry. +I wasn't hungry. John even managed to lob a load of mashed potatoes into Mrs. Hallstrom's milk. +John even managed to lob a load of mashed potatoes into Mrs. Hallstrom's milk. Finally. I was getting tired of watching him try every night. +Finally. I was getting tired of watching him try every night. Was it bad news--the visit from Peter? +Was it bad news--the visit from Peter? Paul. +He asked me to marry him. Very romantic setting. +Very romantic setting. It was romantic. He's very romantic. +It was romantic. He's very romantic. So are you engaged, or what? +What have you done with the ring? It's magic. +Guess which hand. Enough with the abracadabra. +Enough with the abracadabra. Guess. +Guess. The left one. +Really, this isn't funny. OK, OK, I'll give it back. +For a price. Good God. +Good God. A small price. +A small price. I won't do your portion of kitchen cleanup. +I won't do your portion of kitchen cleanup. No. +No. And I'm not covering for you when you sneak out to call Dominos. +We're supposed to be asleep. Exactly. +We'll get caught. No rounds for another three hours. +Nervous? Scared? Worried you're not fit for a caper of epic proportions? Don't be ridiculous. +Don't be ridiculous. Rendezvous at the closet in 30. +A daisy for the lady. The lady knows this is a dandelion. +The lady knows this is a dandelion. A rose is a rose. +Thanks. Where've you been all day? Back-to-back sessions with the shrink. +I'm not allowed to see you anymore. Really? Me too. +Really? Me too. I had to sneak by the guards to get here. They say you're highly unstable, have a depressive personality, and may hold back my own recovery. +I had to sneak by the guards to get here. They say you're highly unstable, have a depressive personality, and may hold back my own recovery. Wow. I'm bad news. +Wow. I'm bad news. What's my rap? +What's my rap? Schizophrenic recidivism marked by hallucinations and paranoid delusions. +Really, though. My thoughts go haywire sometimes. What are the delusions like? +Shocking, huh? Sure. But I took out a whole grocery store. +Sure. But I took out a whole grocery store. I wish I could have seen that. +I wish I could have seen that. I'm starting to think that everyone's crazy to some extent. +I'm starting to think that everyone's crazy to some extent. My Grandma Rosa says that some trees get planted in rich top soil, and they grow right up to the sun, tall and straight. Other trees, they start as seeds in the crevices between rocks so they have to twist and bend to reach the light. But even though they end up crooked, they're still trees, just like the straight ones. +Why in the world did you let me start talking in metaphors? That's no way for us to break up. Break up? They wish. +You must have thought about it. Everyone does. I just want to see Beast. Where would you go? +I just want to see Beast. Where would you go? The mission up in Santa Barbara. +The mission up in Santa Barbara. No way. +No way. That's where I always go when I get out. +What else would you do? I'd like to drink a bottle of red wine with you and then make love to you and spend the whole night together. And we'd get up in the morning and spend hours lounging around and reading the paper. +I'd like to drink a bottle of red wine with you and then make love to you and spend the whole night together. And we'd get up in the morning and spend hours lounging around and reading the paper. And we'd eat Spaghetti-O's in bed from the can. +And we'd eat Spaghetti-O's in bed from the can. How can you even mention Spaghetti- O's after eating Grandma Rosa's dinner tonight? +How can you even mention Spaghetti- O's after eating Grandma Rosa's dinner tonight? I have a terrible confession. +I have a terrible confession. Tell the doctor. +Tell the doctor. I don't like lamb. +Then it's over. Lie down. +It's a good thing my family loves you. Your family just met me. +Your family just met me. "You're right. I guess I was projecting. What I should have said is, ""It's a good thing I love you.""" +"You're right. I guess I was projecting. What I should have said is, ""It's a good thing I love you.""" Do you? +Do you? I do. +I do. Michael, I... +Michael, I... It's OK. You don't have to say anything. +It's OK. You don't have to say anything. But I do. I love you, too. +John and Nurse Gates are waiting for you. Oh, right. I'm ready. How do I look? +Oh, right. I'm ready. How do I look? Great. I came to tell you to break a leg, and to give you this for good luck. +Well? Home free. +Tell me all. I was brilliant, or at least boringly sane. +I was brilliant, or at least boringly sane. So there were no problems? +So there were no problems? Not a one. +Not a one. And did you go to the mission? +Just checking. I saw Paul leaving. Did you do the dirty deed? +I saw Paul leaving. Did you do the dirty deed? Yeah. +Yeah. So, it's over? +So, it's over? All over. Did you see your new apartment? +Furnished? No, I need some serious household advice. +No, I need some serious household advice. First off, you'll need to go to Target. And, let's see, what should you buy? +First off, you'll need to go to Target. And, let's see, what should you buy? I better make a list. +I better make a list. List schmist. You'll remember. +Aren't you supposed to throw a bouquet or something? Aren't you ever quiet? +Where to? I've heard the mission in Santa Barbara is the place to go. +This is it -- 3B. Check it out. Open up. I want to see. +Wow. You like it? +I love the pillows. Throw pillows, Letty. The sales lady said they're the latest thing. +Throw pillows, Letty. The sales lady said they're the latest thing. Very trendy. Let's see the rest. +It's TV heaven. I was tired of watching what everyone else wants to watch. Now we can watch two shows at once. +I was tired of watching what everyone else wants to watch. Now we can watch two shows at once. Let's try out the bed. +You've got to see the kitchen first. Do you like it? +Do you like it? I love your apartment. +I love your apartment. Really? +What do you say we go out to dinner to celebrate? Out? Are you kidding? I've got all the fixings here. +How can you not like the Top 10 List? I like it. But Headlines are better. +I like it. But Headlines are better. You're so wrong. +Hey. It's sex time. +Did I get spaghetti sauce on my face? No. +Michael. Shhhh. +Not yet. I'll be forced to tickle you. +I'm supposed to meet the principal in half an hour. I'll see you tonight. +Good luck. You, too. Kick ass today. +Sounds good. Oh, and Letty? Yeah? +Yeah? You've got one hell of a great body. +Gosh, Letty, this is a great place. Thanks. +This must be Beast. That's Mr. Beast to you. +I bombed. It's either work in the office or nothing. Sounds grim. +Sounds grim. Yeah. How was the job search? +Who ever said sanity was fun? It doesn't matter. It'll work out. +It doesn't matter. It'll work out. Promise? +Promise? Promise. As long as we have steak. +Promise. As long as we have steak. Steak? +The store was busy. You got wine. That's great. +You got wine. That's great. Would you mind if we just called it an early night? +Would you mind if we just called it an early night? You go ahead and relax. I'll cook. +You go ahead and relax. I'll cook. I think I should go home. +I think I should go home. Are you OK? +Are you OK? Big restaurant interview tomorrow. +Four interviews. Four no-gos. The restaurant, too? +The restaurant, too? I couldn't even face that one. +That's OK. We can call and reschedule in the morning. You don't have to take care of me, you know. +Just promise you'll love me even if I end up in a job where I have to wear a blue polyester cap. I think you know I'd love you even more in a blue polyester cap. +You're going to miss the Top Ten. Coming. +Hey, Letty. Mrs. Mayer. I got worried. Are you OK? +How may I help you? Congratulations. +Aunt Lily is the one who married your father's cousin? No, that's Aunt Connie. Lily is the one who looks like a hooker. +No, that's Aunt Connie. Lily is the one who looks like a hooker. Oh. And, Harry, he's the one who likes magic? +Oh. And, Harry, he's the one who likes magic? You don't have to know all this by Saturday. It took me years. +Aunt Lily? Bingo. +Something like that. When he could get time off from the restaurant business. +When he could get time off from the restaurant business. How about a dance? +Bye, Uncle Cort. What's with the lie? It wasn't exactly a lie. +What is it? Are you OK? Always the drugs. +Always the drugs. What? +What? I saw you talking to my Mom. +I saw you talking to my Mom. We both talked to her, Michael. And your dad. +What do you mean not taking your meds? Why'd you tell? +Why'd you tell? I didn't talk to her about medications, Michael. Don't be silly. +Silly? Silly am I? Michael, take it easy. +Michael, take it easy. Silly, silly, silly. +Silly, silly, silly. I think I should call someone. +Don't upset my Mom. Don't you upset my Mom. Michael, calm down. Please. It's OK. +I guess we need to talk. I guess so. +I guess so. It's hard to know where to start. +I sure know what that feels like. And all the plans we have. +And all the plans we have. Yeah, the plans. +I've been thinking I could try to visit you at night after work, and then there'd be more time on weekends to see... Letty, please. +Like I've told you before I don't want you taking care of me. Someone has to take care of you right now, Michael. You tore up the apartment. You stopped taking your medications. +Someone has to take care of you right now, Michael. You tore up the apartment. You stopped taking your medications. But that wasn't me. I didn't mean to do that. +But that wasn't me. I didn't mean to do that. Well then why'd it happen? +Well then why'd it happen? I don't know. I don't fucking know. +I'm sorry. I didn't come here to blame you. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. +I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Oh, God, Michael, I know. Why does everything have to be so hard? +What are we going to do? What do you want to do? +What do you want to do? I know I don't want to lose you. I don't think I could stand it. +I love you so much. I love you too, Letty. I love you, too. +Maybe we could just run away to Tahiti and live on the beach. That's the best idea I've heard in a long time. +Don't you have a magic trick or something to make this easier? How about something better? Like a kiss. +Would that really be such a good idea for either of us? Just promise me you'll be OK, OK? +Just promise me you'll be OK, OK? I will. And you make sure you take care of yourself. +I guess I should go now. You should go. +So, another one bites the dust. It's not another one. It's my sister. Aren't you happy for her? +It's not another one. It's my sister. Aren't you happy for her? She's only known the guy a few months. +Can I put these here for tonight? In there's better. It's kind of romantic, don't you think? +In there's better. It's kind of romantic, don't you think? I really think if you're going to spend your life with someone you want to know them pretty damn well. +Believe me, I know your feelings on the matter. The receptionist said you called earlier about something. +My math program. The Superintendent said he'd fund it. Good going. I knew you could do it. +Yeah? Huntley told me today that if I come through on the Benton deposition, they may consider me for senior associate. +I was thinking dinner on Friday with James and Meg at the Saint Mark. I mean tonight. +Actually, I need to review the deposition questions tonight. Maybe tomorrow? Oh, ok. Maybe. +Oh, ok. Maybe. But I thought if you don't mind, you could listen and see how I come across? +But I thought if you don't mind, you could listen and see how I come across? Sure. Of course. +What are you doing? You're going to be late. I'm calling in sick. +You don't have a fever. I don't feel like going to work today. +I don't feel like going to work today. Won't it be hard for them to get a substitute this late? +But what about that math project? Paul, I just can't go. Is that OK with you or am I committing some horrible crime? +Paul, I just can't go. Is that OK with you or am I committing some horrible crime? Forget I asked. +Forget I asked. I'm sorry. I'm just...I'm so tired lately. +I'm sorry. I'm just...I'm so tired lately. Maybe you ought to see a doctor. +Maybe you ought to see a doctor. No, it's not like that. +It's just I've got those parent conferences, and I'm supposed to set up the math program by next week. And shopping for Ruth's dress and that, that engagement dinner. You can get out of the dinner. +You can get out of the dinner. No, I can't. I've already convinced both Mom and Dad to come. +No, I can't. I've already convinced both Mom and Dad to come. Come on, Letty. It'll get done. +I don't think so. Of course it will. Remember the big talent show you planned last year? And what about the Christmas benefit when Santa canceled at the last minute? But you still pulled it off. +Of course it will. Remember the big talent show you planned last year? And what about the Christmas benefit when Santa canceled at the last minute? But you still pulled it off. Yeah. +Yeah. You just need to get more organized. L +You know what I think we need? Martinis. How about martinis to celebrate? Yes. +What are you doing? Can you loan me a 20? +Can you loan me a 20? Sure. Why? +Sure. Why? I'm going to the store. +I'm going to the store. I think you're overreacting. +It's prettier here than I thought it would be. Yeah, I guess it's all right. +Yeah, I guess it's all right. Are you all right? +Are you all right? That's a big question. +That's a big question. I hope it wasn't something I did. +I hope it wasn't something I did. Something you did? +Of course not, no. Is that why you're here? I think we need to talk about some things. +I think we need to talk about some things. Yes, I suppose so. +Yes, I suppose so. This has been really difficult, this whole thing. +No. Especially this last year. +Especially this last year. Especially now. +Especially now. So, I've been thinking a lot... +I talked to Ruth a little bit, and I think it's about time... I know. We can't just keep going through the motions. +I know. We can't just keep going through the motions. Exactly. It's time to make decisions. +Exactly. It's time to make decisions. You don't have to say anything else. I've known for a while that this was coming. +You don't have to say anything else. I've known for a while that this was coming. I just wish we'd done it sooner. +I had to smuggle it in here. I guess you're not really supposed to have jewelry. Or be up past ten or fraternize with other patients. +Or be up past ten or fraternize with other patients. I hope you like it. It's a Marquis cut, 1.5 carats. They had one with emeralds around it, but this was simpler, more classic in its lines. Letty? +I hope you like it. It's a Marquis cut, 1.5 carats. They had one with emeralds around it, but this was simpler, more classic in its lines. Letty? It's, it's really nice, Paul. +No, you've done a perfect job. So, what do you say, Let? +Sure. We'll save the formal announcement for when you're out. I already told your mother. I hope you don't mind. No, no. +No, no. So will you? +So will you? Of course. Yes. I will. I do. +What's so urgent? You've got me worried. I need to tell you something, and I'm not sure how. +You can tell me anything. Do you want to postpone the wedding? Is it too much pressure? No... +No... That's a load off my mind. +You what? I don't mean to hurt you. I know this is a terrible thing. And I have really loved you. +I don't mean to hurt you. I know this is a terrible thing. And I have really loved you. Whoa. Whoa. Have really loved me? Letty, it's natural to be nervous. But we're going to work through our problems. +Whoa. Whoa. Have really loved me? Letty, it's natural to be nervous. But we're going to work through our problems. I've met someone else. +I've met someone else. Who? +Who? It doesn't matter who. +It doesn't matter who. Have you been seeing another teacher? +Have you been seeing another teacher? No. +No. It's a doctor, isn't it? That's unethical. I'll have him rung up on malpractice charges so fast his head will spin. +It's a doctor, isn't it? That's unethical. I'll have him rung up on malpractice charges so fast his head will spin. He's a patient here. +Of all the crazy things. I understood when you dropped out of law school. And during this whole mess, I've tried to be supportive. But, really, Letty, what can you be thinking? I love him. +I love him. You're going to throw away our life together for some shared experience with a looney-tune that you misguidedly think is love? +You're going to throw away our life together for some shared experience with a looney-tune that you misguidedly think is love? Here's the ring. +Here's the ring. No way. You keep the ring. You'll come to your senses. +I'm glad you agreed to see me. I'm just glad there aren't any hard feelings. +I'm just glad there aren't any hard feelings. Oh, none. None. I completely understand what was going on. +Oh, none. None. I completely understand what was going on. Oh. +Oh. How's work going? Are you back at school? +How's work going? Are you back at school? I start on Monday. +Getting back. I heard about your friend. +I heard about your friend. What? +What? I heard your friend was back in the hospital. +I heard your friend was back in the hospital. Michael. Yes. +Our relationship meant a lot to me, too, Paul. But it's over. And Michael being in the hospital doesn't really change things. I think I've heard this speech before. +I think I've heard this speech before. I'm really sorry. +I've got a deposition that I really need to get cracking on, so if you don't mind... Sure, I understand. +The Superintendent was just getting ready to leave. I do apologize. A student had a crisis. +Well, I understand. I know my behavior was poor. So, in light of how the parents feel, and the fact the students are doing so well with the substitute, I don't think I can put you back in the classroom just yet. +So, in light of how the parents feel, and the fact the students are doing so well with the substitute, I don't think I can put you back in the classroom just yet. Look, Gail, I've been a good teacher. +Look, Gail, I've been a good teacher. I know, Letty. But the incident with Zach was frightening for the children. Now if you'd come to me, explained what was going on... +I know, Letty. But the incident with Zach was frightening for the children. Now if you'd come to me, explained what was going on... Believe me, I wish I'd understood what was going on. I've worked really hard to get better. +Believe me, I wish I'd understood what was going on. I've worked really hard to get better. I'm glad you're doing well. +I'm glad you're doing well. I've already thought about how to tell the kids where I was. +It's a very nice letter. But I have to go with what's best for the students. What does that mean? +What does that mean? I need someone to work on budget projections. +I need someone to work on budget projections. Office work? +Office work? Or, of course, you could take a sabbatical the rest of the year. +All tapped out. I'll float you. +How's it look? Shhh. They're coming to the cubic zirconium. +Shhh. They're coming to the cubic zirconium. I like those sapphire earrings myself. +I like those sapphire earrings myself. Simulated sapphires. I bet my daughter would love those, too. +Mrs. Hallstrom, why don't you join my family for dinner. You'll love my Grandma Rosa. That's so sweet, Michael. But, really, I've so many things to do. +"We're talking Matisse, Renoir, Monet. We know for sure they replaced Van Gogh's ""Vase with twelve sunflowers"" last week with a copy. It was on loan from the London National Gallery and they're not going to be very happy when they find out about it." So Bastaldi makes a deal with the Feds to trade up for his brother? +So Bastaldi makes a deal with the Feds to trade up for his brother? Yeah. He delivers the goods on Zammito. If we got what we wanted we'd let his brother go providing he tells us where the Van Gogh and the other paintings are. +Agent Hadley. Do you know who this is? +Do you know who this is? Yeah. I figured I'd be hearing from you. +Yeah. I figured I'd be hearing from you. If you ever want to get those tapes, meet me in one hour at Grant Park near the statue. +What are you doing? You think I'm going to talk to you until I know if you're wired. +You think I'm going to talk to you until I know if you're wired. Wired? I ain't wired. +Okay. Okay. I believe you. You killed her! +You killed her! No. You killed her. Manager remembers you going into her room. Your fingerprints were found all over the place. +No. You killed her. Manager remembers you going into her room. Your fingerprints were found all over the place. Bullshit! She was alive when we left her with you. +Bullshit! She was alive when we left her with you. You're fucked, Sami. You know it. That's why you're here. +You're fucked, Sami. You know it. That's why you're here. Look, I just want out of this nightmare. I don't know these guys. A few days ago I'm in Paris picking pockets and now I'm America's most wanted. +Look, I just want out of this nightmare. I don't know these guys. A few days ago I'm in Paris picking pockets and now I'm America's most wanted. Where are the tapes? +Where are the tapes? I can get them -- but what do I get if I do? +I can get them -- but what do I get if I do? A pass. +A pass. A pass? How you gonna give me a pass? A witness can put me at the crime scene. +A pass? How you gonna give me a pass? A witness can put me at the crime scene. Witness' can be convinced they made a mistake. Without the murder weapon the D.A. won't have enough to prosecute you. +Witness' can be convinced they made a mistake. Without the murder weapon the D.A. won't have enough to prosecute you. They don't have a murder weapon? +They don't have a murder weapon? No. I have it. The lamp? The one with your fingerprints and her blood on it? Remember? +You want the tapes for yourself. You're going to sell them. I'm going to retire with a shit-load of money. Find me a small country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the States and live the good life. +I'm going to retire with a shit-load of money. Find me a small country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the States and live the good life. You didn't have to kill Sophie. +You didn't have to kill Sophie. Yes I did. Lose ends are messy. +Yes I did. Lose ends are messy. What about me? Aren't I a loose end? +What about me? Aren't I a loose end? When this is over you can say whatever the hell you want. I'll be long gone. Besides, who's going to believe you? You're just a two-bit crook. +When this is over you can say whatever the hell you want. I'll be long gone. Besides, who's going to believe you? You're just a two-bit crook. And you're a dirty cop. At least I don't pretend to be something different than what I am. +What the fuck was all that about at the hotel last night? I thought we had a deal? Hey, you're not exactly the most trustworthy guy in the world. I took a shot. It didn't work. Did you bring the tapes? +You want the tapes for yourself. You're going to sell them. I'm going to retire with a shit-load of money. Find me a small country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the States and live the good life. +I'm going to retire with a shit-load of money. Find me a small country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the States and live the good life. You didn't have to kill Sophie. +You didn't have to kill Sophie. Yes I did. Lose ends are messy. +Zero. That's all I know. You'll never get out of the city. +This is turning to shit. If word gets out of my involvement in this I'll go to prison. Listen, we know their names. They don't know the city. You'll find them. You're the FBI. +Listen, we know their names. They don't know the city. You'll find them. You're the FBI. I can't bring the Bureau into this. If I do the tapes become evidence. +I can't bring the Bureau into this. If I do the tapes become evidence. They're supposed to be evidence. That's why Bastaldi set this up. +They're supposed to be evidence. That's why Bastaldi set this up. Fuck Bastaldi and his brother. These tapes are gold. Do you have any idea what Zammito would pay to get them back? +Fuck Bastaldi and his brother. These tapes are gold. Do you have any idea what Zammito would pay to get them back? I thought you wanted Zammito? +I thought you wanted Zammito? What for? The minute I get him some other Gavone will take his place. I've been doing this for twenty years. When I retire it's not going to be to some trailer park in the suburbs. +Too many people know about my involvement in this. Then we just have to make sure everyone who knows can't say anything. +Uh... excuse me, but don't you need a warrant or something? Not today. Where are your friends? +Not today. Where are your friends? They left about a half hour ago. +They left about a half hour ago. Where did they go? +Where did they go? I dunno. +Hey man, you can't do that! What? This? +Jesus. What kind of FBI agent are you? I'm your worst fuckin' nightmare. Now, if you don't want me to keep on hurting you, it's important that I believe you and right now I don't. So tell me, where did they go? +I'm your worst fuckin' nightmare. Now, if you don't want me to keep on hurting you, it's important that I believe you and right now I don't. So tell me, where did they go? I swear man, I don't know. They packed up and left a half hour ago. All I got is one of their phone numbers in Paris. +Hello? It's Elvis... +It's Elvis... Who? +Who? It's me... +It's me... Marcel? +Yes. We went to the address we were given and had to tie up the owner of the house who turns out to be some Mafia guy. You're there now? +You're there now? Oui. +Oui. You're calling me on your cell phone, right? +You're calling me on your cell phone, right? No. +No. You're calling me on is phone? +You're calling me on is phone? Oui. +Oui. My number's going to show up on his bill! +My number's going to show up on his bill! Should I call you back? +You've already robbed the safe? Oui. +Oui. Take what you've got and get out of there. +Where's your brother? Vincent's in the States on business. That it? +Hey Daniel! Hello? Do you guys speak English? Uh, yeah. +Uh, yeah. Good. I have a job for you in America. +Thank you Marcel, for that... extremely redundant explanation. C'mon, Laurant, America? +C'mon, Laurant, America? The job is worth about two million euros. Pull this off and you and your crew could make some real money, Daniel. You leave tomorrow. +I thought I would accompany you to the airport to say bon voyage... and tell you that Marcel will be going with you. What? +What? This is a considerable move up for you, Daniel. The temptation of having so much money might be too much for you. +This is a considerable move up for you, Daniel. The temptation of having so much money might be too much for you. You don't trust me? +You don't trust me? I don't trust anyone. You don't get to the top of this game by trusting people... and after all, you are a thief. It's in your nature to steal. I'm just protecting my investment. +Hello? It's Daniel. +It's Daniel. Daniel. Listen I'm afraid there has been a big-- +Daniel. Listen I'm afraid there has been a big-- -- I've got the tapes. If you ever want to see your brother out of jail do exactly what I say. Bring one million euros to your boat at six o'clock. +-- I've got the tapes. If you ever want to see your brother out of jail do exactly what I say. Bring one million euros to your boat at six o'clock. A million! I don't have that kind of money. +A million! I don't have that kind of money. Don't bullshit me, Laurant! I know about the Van Gogh. +Don't bullshit me, Laurant! I know about the Van Gogh. I don't have it. That's why Vincent went to Chicago. They arrested him before he could bring it back. +I don't have it. That's why Vincent went to Chicago. They arrested him before he could bring it back. Well, you better get the money somehow. Six o'clock and come alone. If you don't we'll destroy the tapes. +Good. I'm doing good. How you doin', Frankie? Good. I'm good. +Good. I'm good. Mr. Maranzano sends his warmest regards. +Mr. Maranzano sends his warmest regards. When you return please extend my regards to Mr. Maranzano and his family. +Can I offer you something. A drink? Coffee? No thank you. +No thank you. You sure? I just got a shipment of espresso from Sicily. Special blend. Can't find anything like it in the States. +You sure? I just got a shipment of espresso from Sicily. Special blend. Can't find anything like it in the States. I'm good. Really. +I'm good. Really. Okay. I understand you're interested in one of our properties? +Okay. I understand you're interested in one of our properties? Yeah. That warehouse over on Merchant Street. The volume on our import business has risen dramatically. The proceeds this quarter will be supernumerary due to the -- +Yeah. That warehouse over on Merchant Street. The volume on our import business has risen dramatically. The proceeds this quarter will be supernumerary due to the -- -- Super what? +-- Super what? Supernumerary. It means better than expected. +Supernumerary. It means better than expected. Then why not just fuckin' say better than expected? Everybody knows what better than expected means. +Then why not just fuckin' say better than expected? Everybody knows what better than expected means. I'm taking a vocabulary course to enhance my communication skills. +I'm taking a vocabulary course to enhance my communication skills. Okay. How much? +Okay. How much? I'm not here to negotiate. +I'm not here to negotiate. Why are you here? +Why are you here? To tell you that we're interested in the property. +To tell you that we're interested in the property. You told me that on the phone. What the hell are you doing here? Showing off your communication skills? Go back to your people and tell them when they're serious to put a number on the table. +You told me that on the phone. What the hell are you doing here? Showing off your communication skills? Go back to your people and tell them when they're serious to put a number on the table. I will relay the particulars of our conversation to Mr. Maranzano. +I will relay the particulars of our conversation to Mr. Maranzano. Yeah -- you do that. +Frankie, come in. Good to see you. You want something? No, I'm good, Angelo. +I understand Bobby Beans came to see you today. Yeah. Seems Maranzano wants to talk about buying the Merchant Street warehouse. +Yeah. Seems Maranzano wants to talk about buying the Merchant Street warehouse. And? +And? And nothing. He's just feeling us out. +And nothing. He's just feeling us out. He's trying to get a foot hold in our territory. +He's trying to get a foot hold in our territory. He sticks his toes in the water again, we'll cut 'em off. +He sticks his toes in the water again, we'll cut 'em off. Business must be good if he can afford to buy up useless property. +Business must be good if he can afford to buy up useless property. I heard this quarter his profits are gonna be supernumerary. +They're gonna be what? Supernumerary. It means better than expected. +Supernumerary. It means better than expected. Good word. +Someone else coming? Nah, that's just Tony's way of telling me Judge Judy starts in ten minutes. You ever watch it? +Nah, that's just Tony's way of telling me Judge Judy starts in ten minutes. You ever watch it? Uh, no -- +Uh, no -- You should. You can learn a lot about the criminal justice system on a program like that. Very informative. Stay and watch it with me. +You should. You can learn a lot about the criminal justice system on a program like that. Very informative. Stay and watch it with me. You know, I'm kind of tired. I'm just gonna go home if it's all the same to you. +Oh Frankie, what's this I hear about your brother? He missed three weeks. +He missed three weeks. Your own brother? You couldn't send someone else to do it? +Your own brother? You couldn't send someone else to do it? "I did. Joey ""Two Tons"" and Nicky ""The Rake"" did the deed." +"I did. Joey ""Two Tons"" and Nicky ""The Rake"" did the deed." But you were there? +But you were there? Angelo, we live and die by the rules we make. We are men of honor, but honor without respect is a... horse-less carriage. +Why didn't you tell me about this? You have enough to worry about, Angelo. You don't need my problems. +They knew who you were when they broke in your house? Yes. +Yes. What is happening with the world? There was a time no civilian would touch a made man. Now every babbo in the world thinks he can get away with something. What did they take? +What is happening with the world? There was a time no civilian would touch a made man. Now every babbo in the world thinks he can get away with something. What did they take? Some cash. Jewelry. The other stuff I can replace, but there's a cardboard box... photos of my mother. They're the only ones I have of her. +Some cash. Jewelry. The other stuff I can replace, but there's a cardboard box... photos of my mother. They're the only ones I have of her. We're doing everything we can to find these people. Right Tony? +Either you are incredibly brave, or incredibly stupid. Which one is it? I guess we're going to find out. +I guess we're going to find out. You rob an associate of mine... a friend and-- +You rob an associate of mine... a friend and-- Not such a good friend. May I reach in my pocket? +I've got to tell you, Mr. Bonanno, This guy's an idiot. How he's lived this long is a mystery. I don't think it will be a mystery much longer. +I don't think it will be a mystery much longer. He's recorded every conversation he's had with you for years. +He's recorded every conversation he's had with you for years. I assume you want something? +I assume you want something? We've got a lot of people looking for us. We'd just like to go home. +We've got a lot of people looking for us. We'd just like to go home. You want me to help you get out of the country? +And for my help I would get what? Half the tapes. +Half the tapes. And the other half? +And the other half? I'll destroy them when we get back to Paris. +I'll destroy them when we get back to Paris. I only have your word for that. +I only have your word for that. I just want to get my people home. I know who you are and what you could do to me if I don't honor my word. +I just want to get my people home. I know who you are and what you could do to me if I don't honor my word. Where are you staying? +I only ask so I can call you when the arrangements are made. How about if I call you? +This plane will take you to Canada. From there you can fly back to Paris. Thank you. +Thank you. You have something for me? +Tonight? I know they won't be home tonight. +I don't know. If you think because you're a women this can't go hard on you, think again. +For what? Laurant and Vincent were in business with Zammito. +Laurant and Vincent were in business with Zammito. What kind of business? +What kind of business? Black market art. Zammito got to a few key security guards at the Metropolitan Museum. The Bastaldi's supplied the artists to make copies of famous works. They'd switch the paintings, send the originals to Paris and the Bastaldi's would sell them to private collectors. +You know what makes a good get away driver? Being able to get away! You're always pointing out my negative qualities. My analyst says positive reinforcement is a much more productive way of relating with people. +Not a good idea. Someone gets a license number and it all leads back to you. Raymond, you'll steal one. No problem. +Yeah. We just go home. We can't. +We can't. I agree with Marcel. I say we go to the airport and get on a plane. +No one has mentioned the part of the plan about us getting caught and going to prison. We're leaving. Raymond get the bag. +Forget the money! We've got bigger problems than the money right now. She probably hid it at her place. The six of us could find it in -- +Why not just steal another one? Too risky. We don't need to get pulled over because of a stolen car. +Get that, will you? Why do I always have to answer the phone? +Why do I always have to answer the phone? Because you're the closest. +Because you're the closest. I'm not any closer than you are. +Why is everything an argument with you? I'm just setting my boundaries. +Raymond, grab the tapes. We're leaving! Why do I have to pick up the tapes. +Why do I have to pick up the tapes. Jesus! +In English. Sami doesn't speak French. Where are you from? +Hopefully no one. No one? Then why is Zero here? +I just want you there in case there's trouble. And if there is, then Zero can kill someone? +And if there is, then Zero can kill someone? We'll see. +He said to go fuck yourself. We are tired and bored with your bullshit. So, put that stupid little knife away before Zero shoves it up your ass. +We are being watched. Daniel grabs the binoculars and looks. Cops? +Bastaldi's dead. He is fuckin' dead! You want Zero to kill him? +You want Zero to kill him? I'm going to kill him myself! +I'm going to kill him myself! What about the money? +Bring me the scissors. And the Vodka. +Cut his pants up the leg to the groin. And be careful when you get near the top. Zero has a very long one. +Turn on the flashlight. I'm trying. It doesn't work. +Do they come with batteries? You didn't buy batteries? +You didn't buy batteries? I thought they came with batteries. +I thought they came with batteries. I can't believe you didn't check. +I can't believe you didn't check. I bought everything you put on the list. Gloves. Pen knives. Flashlight. Batteries were not on the list. +I bought everything you put on the list. Gloves. Pen knives. Flashlight. Batteries were not on the list. Why should I have to put it on the list? It's like saying to buy a car with tires. +Sami, tomorrow you lift a wallet from someone who looks like one of us. What for? +What for? We need to rent a car and for that you need a credit card. +That's an excellent plan. Very comforting. We'll think of something. +Besides, we don't know the city and-- Mr. Bastaldi isn't asking you if you want to go. He's telling you you're going! And if he's telling you you're going to be going then you are going to go! +You think it's smart to tell him we're French? I think he's already figured that out. +That moron. It was an honest mistake. Ridgeway... Ridgeroad... Ridgeway Road. +It was an honest mistake. Ridgeway... Ridgeroad... Ridgeway Road. Everyone get some sleep. We're leaving in the morning. +The deal is whatever Mr. Bastaldi says it is. You know, if you could get your nose out of Bastaldi's ass for two seconds you might see what's going on around you. +Did you know about Bastaldi's deal with Zammito? No. +No. You're sure? +You're sure? "I think if he told me he was going to steal Van Gogh's ""Sunflowers in a vase"" I would remember it." +Fuck you! You know I'd never go along with something like this. Do I? +Do I? This ain't about that and you know it. This is about you never forgiving me for leaving the crew. +You call being Bastaldi's lap dog better? Better than spending my life crawling through windows in the middle of the night. +I'm not a guy who is known for his patience and right now you're testing mine. What is that a threat? Are you fuckin' threatening me, Marcel? +We had a chance to walk out of Zammito's house. We all agreed to it. You had no way of knowing Bastaldi was setting us up. +We all agreed to it. You had no way of knowing Bastaldi was setting us up. I just want to live long enough to get back to Paris. Just long enough to kill Bastaldi. +We still have to get out of here. Maybe if we gave the tapes back -- +This is Zero. Hi. I'm one and this is two, three, four and five. +After the outside alarm is off we go in through the bedroom window. Good. Zero and Julien will go in through the window and disable the motion detector. The rest of us will come in through the front door. +We've got to be careful not to use our real names while we're in here. Good idea. +Good idea. I'll be Elvis and you-- +It's not? That's Frankie Zammito. The Under boss of the Chicago Mafia. +How'd it go? I don't know. Daniel, how would you say it went? I would have to say... pretty fuckin' bad. You gave us the wrong address Sophie. +What's the big deal? It's not like I was on guard duty or something. You didn't think it was little suspicious that someone you only knew for a few hours wanted to sleep with you? +You didn't think it was little suspicious that someone you only knew for a few hours wanted to sleep with you? No. Chicks dig me. +They'll be waiting for us at the airport. You steal some money from a man he gets over it in time. But these tapes. He's never going to stop looking for us. +You steal some money from a man he gets over it in time. But these tapes. He's never going to stop looking for us. We have to find Sophie. +It makes sense. I mean, do you really think he would come along if he knew we were being set up? I think he'd cut his dick off if Bastaldi told him to. +All right, knock it off. All you are is a professional ass-kisser. +Hadley -- Has to be. +It's not your fault, Daniel. No? +Okay. Airports, train stations, bus station are out. We know they're connected to the car rental agencies because that's where they picked up Raymond. Even if we get out of town and go to another airport I'm sure the FBI and Chicago P.D. has alerted customs. +Hello? Get out of the room! You've got company coming up. I'll meet you at the Chevy. +What's he joking around for? He's been shot. He's been shot a lot. He's used to it. +Anybody hungry? What'd you get? +What'd you get? Some bread and... +What? Can I trust you, Sami? +Can I trust you, Sami? Hey, who warned you that they were coming up to the room? +Hey, who warned you that they were coming up to the room? If they had taken us by surprise they would have gotten the tapes back. That would have left us with nothing. +If they had taken us by surprise they would have gotten the tapes back. That would have left us with nothing. No, that would have left me with nothing because all of you would be dead. +No, that would have left me with nothing because all of you would be dead. You haven't answered my question. +You haven't answered my question. Does it really matter what I say? +Does it really matter what I say? I'm leaving you with my friends. I'm trusting you to do the right thing today. +I'm leaving you with my friends. I'm trusting you to do the right thing today. I will. +I will. You better. +Did you have to use that much explosive? I promised Bonanno I'd destroy the tapes. +I'll be right back. He gets out of the car and walks over to him. What do you want now? +What do you want now? Guns. Can you get them? +Guns. Can you get them? Man, I can get anything. +Man, I can get anything. Don't bullshit me. +Don't bullshit me. I ain't bullshittin'. I can get guns. I can get any kind of gun you want. But they ain't gonna help your sorry ass. You ain't been in town one day and already you got two of the toughest people in Chicago looking for you. How is that possible? +I ain't bullshittin'. I can get guns. I can get any kind of gun you want. But they ain't gonna help your sorry ass. You ain't been in town one day and already you got two of the toughest people in Chicago looking for you. How is that possible? I've got a way with people. +I've got a way with people. I can see that. The man's car you stole. Raphael Ruiz. He's head of the 19th Street gang and one crazy motherfucker. And Frankie Zammito's got the word out he's looking for some French dudes. You're French ain't ya? +I can see that. The man's car you stole. Raphael Ruiz. He's head of the 19th Street gang and one crazy motherfucker. And Frankie Zammito's got the word out he's looking for some French dudes. You're French ain't ya? I'm from Belgium. +I'm from Belgium. Yeah, I'd be from Belgium too if I was you. You know Zammito just put his own brother in the hospital? Broke his arm cause he was late on a debt. I mention this to illustrate the kind of people who are lookin' for you. +Yeah, I'd be from Belgium too if I was you. You know Zammito just put his own brother in the hospital? Broke his arm cause he was late on a debt. I mention this to illustrate the kind of people who are lookin' for you. Why haven't you turned us in? +Why haven't you turned us in? I ain't no rat. You got money, right? +And, uh, I'm going to have to charge you a commission... kind of like a brokerage fee. How much? +How much? A thousand dollars? +A thousand dollars? Fine. +Yeah? It's me. +It's me. Hey you guys are becoming famous. I was just watching the news and-- +Hey you guys are becoming famous. I was just watching the news and-- -- Did you set it up? +-- Did you set it up? Yeah. All set. Tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock. Room 211. Barclay Hotel on River Street. Oh, and due to your recent notoriety and the heat that comes with it, I'm going to have to increase my brokerage fee to twenty five hundred. +Yeah. All set. Tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock. Room 211. Barclay Hotel on River Street. Oh, and due to your recent notoriety and the heat that comes with it, I'm going to have to increase my brokerage fee to twenty five hundred. We had a deal. +We had a deal. We had a deal before you and your friends became the new poster boys for crime. +We had a deal before you and your friends became the new poster boys for crime. Fine. Ten o'clock. +There's ten grand in here. It's yours. I'm going to call you again. There's one more thing I need you to do. What? +What? I'll tell you when it's time. +Okay, we're square now, right? There's just one more thing I need you to do. +Maybe you should call the police. Hey, idiot -- I've got stolen wheels and a stolen radio in the car. +Hey, idiot -- I've got stolen wheels and a stolen radio in the car. I just thought that-- +I just thought that-- -- Don't think. Okay? You're not good at it. +-- you stole my cousin Enrique's car. Hector, don't interrupt me. +Hector, don't interrupt me. He told Enrique he didn't know anything about his car. +He told Enrique he didn't know anything about his car. I don't give a shit about your cousin's car. We're here about my car. So, shut your mouth! You think you can do that? You think you can keep your big mouth shut? +Tell me the truth Hector... do you think we'll find my car? Hard to say. +What'd I tell you? Huh, Vinny? What'd I tell you when you came to me for money? Didn't I ask you not to do it? Did I not say that? What'd I say to him? You said don't do it, boss. +You said don't do it, boss. That's right. I said don't do it. Did you listen to me? No. You wanted the money. So, I lent you twenty large. Now it's been three weeks and you ain't paid a dime. What do you think that makes me look like on the street? I don't do something to you and everyone will think they can skate. +Hey boss, it's not a science. Send some flowers. Something nice. Roses or carnations. And one of those get well soon cards. +They were all French guys. French guys? You mean like from France? +French guys? You mean like from France? Yeah, French guys from France. +Yeah, French guys from France. What'd they take? +What'd they take? Everything. +Everything. Everything? +Everything? Everything. +Everything. Boy, you must be pissed. +Boy, you must be pissed. Well, you know, when five guys break into my house in the middle of the night, stick guns in my face, tie me up and steal from me... it does irritate me. +Well, you know, when five guys break into my house in the middle of the night, stick guns in my face, tie me up and steal from me... it does irritate me. Well, I must say you're handling it very well. +Well, I must say you're handling it very well. You know why I'm handling it very well? Because you're going to get these guys for me. +You know why I'm handling it very well? Because you're going to get these guys for me. Okay boss. Where are they? +Okay boss. Where are they? If I knew where they were you wouldn't have to find them, would you? +If I knew where they were you wouldn't have to find them, would you? "You didn't say find them. You said, ""get them.""" +"You didn't say find them. You said, ""get them.""" Just find them! +Just find them! Okay boss. +But we ain't had nothing to eat all day boss. Oh, I'm sorry. +Can you believe that guy? What a moron. Good song though. +Good song though. Great fuckin' song. +What'd you guys find? Dead bodies. The ones in the Lincoln are your... associates. +Dead bodies. The ones in the Lincoln are your... associates. And the other car? +And the other car? Some French guy. At least that's what his passport said. You know Joey, I shouldn't be talking to you about this. +Some French guy. At least that's what his passport said. You know Joey, I shouldn't be talking to you about this. Are you forgetting who supplements your income? +Are you forgetting who supplements your income? No. It's just that the French guy had a gunshot wound on his neck. So, this is a homicide. Are you guys involved in this? +No. It's just that the French guy had a gunshot wound on his neck. So, this is a homicide. Are you guys involved in this? Yeah. I'll come down and make a full confession later. Right now, tell me what else you found? +Yeah. I'll come down and make a full confession later. Right now, tell me what else you found? A Wallet. A hotel room card. Some cash. +What hotel? The Holiday Hotel. +The Holiday Hotel. What room number? +What room number? I don't know. I didn't look. +I don't know. I didn't look. Go look. +The map said to go left. Yeah and if you turned it around it would say to go right. +Yeah and if you turned it around it would say to go right. Oh yeah. +There has to be. I'm telling you I've pulled out everything in the safe. There aren't any jewels. +I'm telling you I've pulled out everything in the safe. There aren't any jewels. There must be half a million dollars here though. +What do we do? I was told to take what we have and go. +I was told to take what we have and go. Go where? The police are outside. +They don't have a wine list. Oh, then we will have the house wine. +There's an exterior alarm system. There's also another one in the hall that leads to the bedroom with a motion detector. The control panel is in the bedroom. I can handle the exterior alarm, but the one in the bedroom is a problem. +What about transportation? You can use my car. +No, I didn't. Bastaldi got the address from you, yes? +Bastaldi got the address from you, yes? Yes. +Yes. And he gave it to us. 145 Ridgeway Road. +And he gave it to us. 145 Ridgeway Road. No. 145 Ridgeroad Way. +I'm Sami. Marcel sent me. What is it you do, Sami? +What is it you do, Sami? You know, a little of this, a little of that. I've boosted cars, stole radios, run a few scams. Right now I'm into pick-pocketing. +You know, a little of this, a little of that. I've boosted cars, stole radios, run a few scams. Right now I'm into pick-pocketing. I see. A master criminal. +I see. A master criminal. Hey, I was told to come here by Marcel. You guys don't want me, I'll be more than happy to leave. +They don't serve wine here. What kind of restaurant doesn't serve wine? +What kind of restaurant doesn't serve wine? This kind. +This kind. Okay. I will have a beer. +I don't know. Maybe if we did just leave -- C'mon, get real, will you. You think he's just going to forget about this? These guys are all about respect. All about honor. He's coming after us, so we might as well take the money. +No wonder Zammito didn't want us to walk out with this stuff. He's planning on killing Bonanno and taking over the family. This wasn't the deal! The deal was to steal a necklace, not get in the middle of a Mafia war. +"I knew this was a mistake! I knew it last night when you asked me to go along with this. I could hear that little voice in my head saying, ""don't do it! Don't you do it!"" Jesus, why don't I ever listen to myself?" Yeah, but you did do it. So let's deal with that. +This is bad. This is really fuckin' bad. Am I the only one who sees how bad this is? Hey, it's not your picture on the TV, it's mine. So, try to be cool. +Hey, it's not your picture on the TV, it's mine. So, try to be cool. Don't tell me to be cool! We were supposed to be in and out. In and out! In the last twenty four hours we've managed to get the Mafia... the FBI... the Chicago Police Department and a group of Latin gang members after us. I haven't left out anyone, have I? I don't think so, because we've already pissed off everyone in the fuckin' city! +Don't tell me to be cool! We were supposed to be in and out. In and out! In the last twenty four hours we've managed to get the Mafia... the FBI... the Chicago Police Department and a group of Latin gang members after us. I haven't left out anyone, have I? I don't think so, because we've already pissed off everyone in the fuckin' city! We've got to get out of here. +We've got to get out of here. That's brilliant! Care to elaborate? +Maybe I'm missing the obvious, but why aren't we leaving town? Any place has to be safer for us than Chicago. It doesn't matter where we go. Between Zammito and the FBI they'll find us. We have to end this here. +Oh, man... this is bullshit! You can't trust anyone these days. She took everything! Didn't even leave us cab fare. +I am not comfortable with this. I'm not a good liar. Relax. It will be fine. +I'll drive. I'm the driver. +I'm the driver. I've never driven a Cadillac before. +This is a car. I think this is the best American car I've ever driven. This is the only American car you've ever driven. +I knew I should have driven. Stop talking. I'm trying to concentrate. +When we get to the next corner jump out. I'm not going to leave you. +I'm not going to leave you. We both know I'm already dead. +A Black Panther was a member of an African American militant group in the sixties, Marcel. I think you're referring to The Pink Panther. Pink panther, black panther. Who gives a shit? And I don't remember asking you a God Damn thing, you little turd. +Pink panther, black panther. Who gives a shit? And I don't remember asking you a God Damn thing, you little turd. There's no reason to be abusive. You're projecting your anger on me as a defense mechanism. +There's no reason to be abusive. You're projecting your anger on me as a defense mechanism. What the hell is he talking about? +What the hell is he talking about? I'm talking about human beings communicating openly and honestly. +I'm talking about human beings communicating openly and honestly. How about getting on your knees and communicating with my dick? +No. How much? I don't know. It's gotta be millions. +How about Canada? What are we going to do, take a taxi? +Going somewhere? Oh, Marcel! I thought you were somebody else. If I knew it was you I would have never run. +Today's your lucky day, Sami. Yeah, I can see that. +Yeah, I can see that. Normally I'd be breaking your fingers right now, but I'm going to give you a chance to make enough to pay me back and have some extra for yourself. We have a group going to Chicago to do a job. You're going with them. +Normally I'd be breaking your fingers right now, but I'm going to give you a chance to make enough to pay me back and have some extra for yourself. We have a group going to Chicago to do a job. You're going with them. Me? +Me? You lived there. You know the city. +You lived there. You know the city. I've still got a few legal problems back in the States. +-- I want to be Elvis. It's my idea. +It's my idea. C'mon, I look more like Elvis than you do. +C'mon, I look more like Elvis than you do. Okay. You can be Elvis. +We have a problem. Problem isn't the right word. Dilemma. No that really doesn't describe -- Do you know who that is? Mr. Taylor? +Mr. Taylor? No, that's not Mr. Taylor. +"""Vase with twelve Sunflowers.""" Whatever! He never told me about the Van Gogh or any of the other paintings. +You guys used to work together? Yeah and he can't stand it that I tried to do something to better myself. +It's good. God, I want to go home. +God, I want to go home. Hey, you know you can't this in France. +This is great. After everything we've been through we've got eight hundred euros and an autographed baseball. The baseball is mine. +The baseball is mine. No! You can't have the baseball! You're not entitled to the fuckin' baseball! +Fine. All of you want to be angry? Be angry... but I'm the one who took the ball and that makes it mine. No. +No. Give it to me, Sami. +Give it to me, Sami. No! +How's my brother? He's over at St. James. They had to put two pins in his arm. +He's over at St. James. They had to put two pins in his arm. I said a clean break. +Who is closer to the wall, Joey or me? Get in the car. +Get in the car. Just tell me who's closer to the wall? +What happened? They sort of got away. +They sort of got away. "I see. Well, get back out on the street and find them before I ""sort of"" kill you." +Anybody know about that car outside? Yeah. It's mine. +Yeah. It's mine. No. It's mine. +No. It's mine. The hell it is. +The hell it is. I'm telling you that's my car! And someone's gonna pay for it! +I'm telling you that's my car! And someone's gonna pay for it! And I'm tellin' you it ain't! Now, turn your taco-eating ass around and get the hell out of here. +And I'm tellin' you it ain't! Now, turn your taco-eating ass around and get the hell out of here. Fuck you, grease-ball! +Fuck you, grease-ball! Fuck me? Fuck you! +Mr. Zammito? Uh huh. +Uh huh. I represent a person who wishes to remain anonymous, but is aware of your current financial problems with your brother. +I represent a person who wishes to remain anonymous, but is aware of your current financial problems with your brother. I don't know what you're talking about. +I don't know what you're talking about. I understand. The person who sent me wishes to help you. +I understand. The person who sent me wishes to help you. How? +How? You see that car? +Yeah. It's yours. A gift. A gift you could give to your brother... or anyone you owe money to as partial payment. +It's yours. A gift. A gift you could give to your brother... or anyone you owe money to as partial payment. No shit? +No shit? The papers for the car will arrive tomorrow. +I am Raymond. Thank you for allowing us to stay here. No problem, man. Hey, you wanna hit? +No problem, man. Hey, you wanna hit? No thank you. +Oh, Pepe Le Pew. He is very funny and quite well known in France. Yeah, I dig him. +Yeah, I dig him. Although a cartoon I feel he shares a universal theme: We are all searching for love. No? +How are we going to do that? I know where she went. +I would like to thank you for your hospitality. If you are ever in Paris here is my number. Cool. +He speaks about himself in the third person? Feel free to correct him if you want. +I'm glad you didn't get something flashy. Watch this. +I think we went the wrong way. Oh, you think? +Holy shit. What? +How do we know what room she's in? Wait here. +The money isn't here. Where is it, Sophie? +I said knock it off! Now as far as I'm concerned you two girls can bitch slap yourselves silly when this is over, but right now we've got to figure out what's going on. It's simple. Bastaldi's moving up. He's closing down his operation and this is his way of saying thanks to all of us. +You're not helping. Julien, what you're doing right now is a very normal psychological reaction to stress. You're projecting your anger onto us. +I say we make him pay first. After that you can do whatever you want to him. "He's right. Do you have any idea what Van Gogh's ""Vase with twelve Sunflowers"" is worth?" +The new Beaujolais' come out in France next week. You like wine? I'm more of a whiskey drinker myself. +I'm more of a whiskey drinker myself. J&B? +J&B? Glenmorangie. +Glenmorangie. Glenmorangie is very good. +Algeria. And you don't speak French? +And you don't speak French? Well, you know, not all Algerians speak French. It's a matter of what school you went too. Me I never really -- +Well, you know, not all Algerians speak French. It's a matter of what school you went too. Me I never really -- -- Zero isn't interested in your life story. Who gets killed? +You put a loaded gun in your bag and brought it through customs? How stupid is that? Zero did not put it in his bag. He put it in yours. +I can't even hear myself think. How are we supposed to sleep with this noise? +They send us to Zammito's house. The FBI is right across the street watching the whole thing, but they don't move. A crime is going down and they don't move. Why? Because they were waiting for us to come out so they could arrest us. What does arresting us get them? +What does arresting us get them? You wanna tell him? +It has to be at Sophie's. She didn't have time to go anywhere else before she came here. We don't know that for sure. +And how do we do that? I don't know. +They killed our friend. It's personal now. Besides, if we do that, then Julien died for nothing. The tapes are the key. He's right. The tapes give us leverage with Bastaldi. +I wasn't expecting this many of you. I've got a few sleeping bags you can use. Thanks. +When do we go? Tonight. +You ever hear of jet lag? Take a nap. +You like shoes? No, I like the bag. It would be good for the job tonight. +No, I like the bag. It would be good for the job tonight. It belongs to Vincent Bastaldi. He left it last time he was here. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you used it. +So, how did you get hooked up with these guys? Just lucky I guess. How'd you start working for the Bastaldi's? +Just lucky I guess. How'd you start working for the Bastaldi's? The art world doesn't fully appreciate my talent yet. I needed some way to pay the rent. Laurant and Vincent pay well for information. +The art world doesn't fully appreciate my talent yet. I needed some way to pay the rent. Laurant and Vincent pay well for information. So you arranged to have the people you worked for robbed? +So you arranged to have the people you worked for robbed? They're not nice people. +Casandra. Old girlfriend? Something like that. +Something like that. Did she break your heart? +Did she break your heart? Something like that. +Something like that. It looks old. Did you get it a long time ago? +It looks old. Did you get it a long time ago? You ask a lot of questions. +You ask a lot of questions. That's how you get to know someone. Did it hurt when you got it? +That's how you get to know someone. Did it hurt when you got it? I don't remember. I was drunk. +I don't remember. I was drunk. You got it in a bar? +You got it in a bar? No. I got it in prison. I went in for three years. When I came out she was married to my best friend. Happy? +No. I got it in prison. I went in for three years. When I came out she was married to my best friend. Happy? Sorry. I didn't mean to pry. +Sorry. I didn't mean to pry. It's okay. It was a long time ago. +It's okay. It was a long time ago. I've been thinking about getting tattoo. You know, a flower or something. On my ass. +Who's gonna see it there? The lucky ones. +Can't sleep? No. +No. I'm sorry things went so wrong today. +I'm sorry things went so wrong today. It's not your fault. +What are you doing? I thought I'd listen to some of the tapes. See what's so important that a mob guy has to lock it away in his safe. +I thought I'd listen to some of the tapes. See what's so important that a mob guy has to lock it away in his safe. Sounds boring. +Sounds boring. It's three in the morning. Not much else to do. +I really thought we had something special going. I can't tell you what a disappointment you've turned out to be. After last night I could say the same for you. +Who are you waiting for? Stick around and find out. +Why? Vincent Bastaldi is in jail. +Frankie, I -- -- Shut up! Don't you try to make me feel bad about this. You knew what would happen to you if you didn't pay. This is on your head, not mine. Break his arm. +Jesus, Frankie, I'm your brother! That's why we're only breaking one arm. +She seems pleasant enough. She doesn't know. She thinks I fell down the stairs. +She doesn't know. She thinks I fell down the stairs. That's good. That's what a stand-up guy does. +So, I just come by to see how you're doin'? You broke my arm. How the hell do you think I'm doin'? +You broke my arm. How the hell do you think I'm doin'? Yeah. I mean besides that. They treating you all right? Food okay? +Yeah. I mean besides that. They treating you all right? Food okay? Yeah. I'm going home today. What do you want, Frankie? +Yeah. I'm going home today. What do you want, Frankie? I don't want anything. I just wanted to say... that I may have... overreacted a little the other day. +I don't want anything. I just wanted to say... that I may have... overreacted a little the other day. A little? +A little? Yeah. I mean, you are my brother and... well I should have found another way of expressing my disappointment. So, I've decided to make it up to you. +Yeah. I mean, you are my brother and... well I should have found another way of expressing my disappointment. So, I've decided to make it up to you. You gonna forget about the money I owe you? +You gonna forget about the money I owe you? What are you nuts? A debt is a debt. I was thinking I'd throw a little extra work your way. You know, you come down to the club, make espresso for the boys... wash their cars... run some errands... things like that. +What's this? A car. +A car. Oh really? Thanks. I thought it was a sewing machine. What the hell is it doing here? +Oh really? Thanks. I thought it was a sewing machine. What the hell is it doing here? It's for you. +It's for you. For me? What am I going to do with a piece of shit like this? +For me? What am I going to do with a piece of shit like this? I don't know. Sell it. It's gotta be worth something. Someone gave it to me. C'mon Frankie, I'm trying to make good here. +I don't know. Sell it. It's gotta be worth something. Someone gave it to me. C'mon Frankie, I'm trying to make good here. Okay. Okay. +Okay. Okay. I'll get you the papers tomorrow. +You're back! How's the arm? Still sore? +How's the arm? Still sore? Much better. You've been gone so long. +Much better. You've been gone so long. Li Mu Bai is coming to stay the night. +Li Mu Bai is coming to stay the night. I'll go and make up his room! +She's crazy. You should have killed her. I didn't have the heart. +I didn't have the heart. Well, Li Mu Bai can do it. +Who are you? Wait! I'm a friend! +I don't care about your sword. Why were you spying on the Yus? +Why were you spying on the Yus? I'm looking for someone. Jade Fox. I'm a police inspector from Shaan Xi, Gen Su district. Jade Fox is a master criminal. I hear she infiltrated the Yus. She must have come with them when they transferred here. But with Yu's reputation, I can't just go in and accuse her. +I'm looking for someone. Jade Fox. I'm a police inspector from Shaan Xi, Gen Su district. Jade Fox is a master criminal. I hear she infiltrated the Yus. She must have come with them when they transferred here. But with Yu's reputation, I can't just go in and accuse her. This Jade Fox is a woman? +This Jade Fox is a woman? Yes. +Yes. Then leave her to me. +Then leave her to me. Pardon me, but I doubt you can handle her. My wife was quite a martial arts expert. Jade Fox killed her. So you see, this is personal. Leave her to me. +Isn't it a bit too late to be out? You've brought me the sword? I do as I please. +Where's your master? What's it to you? +Do you think you are a real master? Like most things, I am nothing. It's the same for this sword. All of it is simply a state of mind. +Like most things, I am nothing. It's the same for this sword. All of it is simply a state of mind. Stop talking like a monk! Just fight! +Stop talking like a monk! Just fight! Then tell me where Jade Fox is. +Then tell me where Jade Fox is. On guard! +On guard! Real sharpness comes without effort. +Go ahead. Why should I? You need practice. I can teach you to fight with the Green Destiny, but first you must learn to hold it in stillness. +Why should I? You need practice. I can teach you to fight with the Green Destiny, but first you must learn to hold it in stillness. Why do you want to teach me? +Why do you want to teach me? I've always wanted a disciple worthy of Wudan's secrets. +I've always wanted a disciple worthy of Wudan's secrets. And if I use them to kill you? +And if I use them to kill you? That's a risk I'm willing to take. Deep down, you're good. Even Jade Fox couldn't corrupt you. +Who are you? Why is the Green Destiny in your possession? What's it to you? +What's it to you? "My name is Li Mu Bai. The Green Destiny is mine. Jade Fox can't be your master. Where did you learn that ""Xuan Piu"" move?" +"My name is Li Mu Bai. The Green Destiny is mine. Jade Fox can't be your master. Where did you learn that ""Xuan Piu"" move?" I'm just playing around. +I'm just playing around. Tell me, who is your master? +Tell me, who is your master? Let's go! +You're home late... or should I say early? Why are you still here? You killed a policeman. You should leave! You'll bring ruin on my whole family. +Why are you still here? You killed a policeman. You should leave! You'll bring ruin on my whole family. They wouldn't have found me if you hadn't stolen the sword. Like a little girl, you thought stealing would be fun? You, too, are responsible for that death. Come with me. You don't want to waste your life as the wife of some bureaucrat. Denied your talent... As a master and disciple we will rule. +They wouldn't have found me if you hadn't stolen the sword. Like a little girl, you thought stealing would be fun? You, too, are responsible for that death. Come with me. You don't want to waste your life as the wife of some bureaucrat. Denied your talent... As a master and disciple we will rule. I'll never live as a thief! +I'll never live as a thief! You're already a thief. +You're already a thief. That was just for fun. How can I leave? Where would I go? +That was just for fun. How can I leave? Where would I go? Wherever we want. We'll get rid of anyone in our way. Even your father. +Wherever we want. We'll get rid of anyone in our way. Even your father. Shut up! +Shut up! It's the Giang Hu fighter lifestyle... kill or be killed. Exciting, isn't it? +It's the Giang Hu fighter lifestyle... kill or be killed. Exciting, isn't it? I owe you nothing. +I owe you nothing. Yes, you do! You are still my disciple. +You think you've been teaching me all these years from the manual? You couldn't even decipher the symbols! I studied the diagrams. But you hid the details! +I studied the diagrams. But you hid the details! You wouldn't have understood, even if I had tried to explain. You know... you've gone as far as you can go. I hid my skills so as not to hurt you. +You wouldn't have understood, even if I had tried to explain. You know... you've gone as far as you can go. I hid my skills so as not to hurt you. If I hadn't seen you fight with Li Mu Bai, I'd still be ignorant of all you've hidden from me. +If I hadn't seen you fight with Li Mu Bai, I'd still be ignorant of all you've hidden from me. Master... I started learning from you in secret when I was 10. You enchanted me with the world of Giang Hu. But once I realized I could surpass you, I became so frightened! Everything fell apart. I had no one to guide me, no one to learn from. +Master... I started learning from you in secret when I was 10. You enchanted me with the world of Giang Hu. But once I realized I could surpass you, I became so frightened! Everything fell apart. I had no one to guide me, no one to learn from. Believe me, I've a lesson or two left to teach you! +Hello. What is your name? Long. +In that case, perhaps we could be of assistance. Don't bother. +Don't bother. You don't seem to understand. +You don't seem to understand. So what if I don't? +Are you related to Li Mu Bai? He is my defeated foe! +Please sit. I've made you silk pajamas. Do you want to change into them? +I've made you silk pajamas. Do you want to change into them? Put them down. +Put them down. I heard you met Shu Lien today. +I heard you met Shu Lien today. Do you know her? +Do you know her? She's one of those. Your mother would not want you consorting with her kind. +I'll socialize with whomever I please. Don't invite danger into your father's house. +I'm tired now. Go to bed then. Miss has grown up, and is getting married soon. God knows what the future will bring. +Go to bed then. Miss has grown up, and is getting married soon. God knows what the future will bring. It will be just the same. Enough! I'm tired. +It will be just the same. Enough! I'm tired. Autumn is coming. I'll shut the windows for you. +This spells trouble. I have a guest. +It's heavy for such a thin piece of metal! The handle is heavy. And the blade is no ordinary metal. Still, the sword is the lightest of weapons. You're just not used to handling it. +The handle is heavy. And the blade is no ordinary metal. Still, the sword is the lightest of weapons. You're just not used to handling it. But I have had much practice. As a child in the West, a platoon lived with us. They'd let me play with their weapons. The scabbard is so beautiful. +But I have had much practice. As a child in the West, a platoon lived with us. They'd let me play with their weapons. The scabbard is so beautiful. Beautiful but dangerous. Once you see it tainted with blood, its beauty is hard to admire. It's 400 years old. +Beautiful but dangerous. Once you see it tainted with blood, its beauty is hard to admire. It's 400 years old. Exquisite! You said it belongs to... +Exquisite! You said it belongs to... My friend Li Mu Bai. He's given it to Sir Te as a gift. +My friend Li Mu Bai. He's given it to Sir Te as a gift. Li Mu Bai! The famous warrior? Why would he give his sword to Sir Te? +Li Mu Bai! The famous warrior? Why would he give his sword to Sir Te? You're too young to understand. +You're too young to understand. You're a sword fighter too? +Yes, I am. But I prefer the machete. Certain moves, however, call for a sword. Really? +It must be exciting to be a fighter, to be totally free! Fighters have rules too: friendship, trust, integrity... Without rules, we wouldn't survive for long. +Fighters have rules too: friendship, trust, integrity... Without rules, we wouldn't survive for long. I've read all about people like you. Roaming wild, beating up anyone who gets in your way! +I've read all about people like you. Roaming wild, beating up anyone who gets in your way! Writers wouldn't sell many books if they told how it really is. +Writers wouldn't sell many books if they told how it really is. But you're just like the characters in the stories. +But you're just like the characters in the stories. Sure. No place to bathe for days, sleeping in flea-infested beds... They tell you all about that in those books? +Sure. No place to bathe for days, sleeping in flea-infested beds... They tell you all about that in those books? You know what I mean. I'm getting married soon, but I haven't lived the life I want. +You know what I mean. I'm getting married soon, but I haven't lived the life I want. So I heard. Congratulations. It's the most important step in a woman's life, isn't it? +So I heard. Congratulations. It's the most important step in a woman's life, isn't it? You're not married, are you? +You're not married, are you? What do you think? +What do you think? No! You couldn't roam around freely if you were. +No! You couldn't roam around freely if you were. You're probably right. +I've missed you. How so? +How so? I'm bored. +You're doing calligraphy? I'll write your name. Just for fun. +You write gracefully. Calligraphy is so similar to fencing. Maybe it is. I wouldn't know. +Please. Thank you for seeing me. I hear your wedding day is near. You must be overwhelmed by the preparations. +Thank you for seeing me. I hear your wedding day is near. You must be overwhelmed by the preparations. I'm hardly doing a thing. The less I think of it the better. My parents are arranging everything. The Gous are a very powerful family. My marrying one will be good for my father's career. +I'm hardly doing a thing. The less I think of it the better. My parents are arranging everything. The Gous are a very powerful family. My marrying one will be good for my father's career. You are fornuate to marry into such a noble family. +You are fornuate to marry into such a noble family. Am I? I wish I were like the heroes in the books I read. Like you and Li Mu Bai. I guess I'm happy to be marrying. But to be free to live my own life, to choose whom I love... That is true happiness. +Am I? I wish I were like the heroes in the books I read. Like you and Li Mu Bai. I guess I'm happy to be marrying. But to be free to live my own life, to choose whom I love... That is true happiness. Do you think so? Let me tell you a story. +Do you think so? Let me tell you a story. About you and Li Mu Bai? +About you and Li Mu Bai? Yes. Did you know I was once engaged to be married? +Yes. Did you know I was once engaged to be married? No, really? +No, really? His name was Meng Si Zhao. He was a brother to Li Mu Bai by oath. One day, while in battle, he was killed by the sword of Li Mu Bai's enemy. After, Li Mu Bai and I went through a lot together. Our feelings for each other grew stronger. But how could we dishonor Meng's memory? So the freedom you talk about, I too desire it. But I have never tasted it. +His name was Meng Si Zhao. He was a brother to Li Mu Bai by oath. One day, while in battle, he was killed by the sword of Li Mu Bai's enemy. After, Li Mu Bai and I went through a lot together. Our feelings for each other grew stronger. But how could we dishonor Meng's memory? So the freedom you talk about, I too desire it. But I have never tasted it. Too bad for Meng, but it's not your fault, or Li Mu Bai's. +Too bad for Meng, but it's not your fault, or Li Mu Bai's. I am not an aristocrat, as you are... but I must still respect a woman's duties. +I am not an aristocrat, as you are... but I must still respect a woman's duties. Don't distance us. From now on, let's be like sisters. +Don't distance us. From now on, let's be like sisters. Then as a sister, let me wish you happiness in your marriage. +You say she killed a policeman? Yes, from the West. He went undercover and and followed her here, +Here you must be in proper attire. I'm just borrowing some clean clothes. I'm not staying. +I'm just borrowing some clean clothes. I'm not staying. I'll give them to you. +I'll give them to you. I was just passing by and wondered how you were. +You, sister... Look at the trouble you've caused. Now you know what Giang Hu life is really like. If you think of me as your sister, let me give you some sisterly advice. You can run from marriage, but not your parents. +Look at the trouble you've caused. Now you know what Giang Hu life is really like. If you think of me as your sister, let me give you some sisterly advice. You can run from marriage, but not your parents. They forced me to marry! +They forced me to marry! Go back to them first. Then you can decide about Lo. +Go back to them first. Then you can decide about Lo. You know about Lo? +You know about Lo? He really loves you. Come back to Peking with me. We'll find a solution. +He really loves you. Come back to Peking with me. We'll find a solution. Where is he now? +Where is he now? Li Mu Bai has made arrangements. He sent him to Wudan Mountain. +Li Mu Bai has made arrangements. He sent him to Wudan Mountain. You're working together to set me up! I'm leaving! +You're working together to set me up! I'm leaving! How dare you accuse us? I always knew you had stolen the sword! I've done nothing but protect you and your family. And you're repaid me with nothing but contempt. Li Mu Bai himself spared you, and all you do is insult him. We wanted some peace and you've ruined it all! You're no sister of mine! +How dare you accuse us? I always knew you had stolen the sword! I've done nothing but protect you and your family. And you're repaid me with nothing but contempt. Li Mu Bai himself spared you, and all you do is insult him. We wanted some peace and you've ruined it all! You're no sister of mine! What do I care? You were never a real friend anyway. But I wonder, how long could you last as my enemy? +Don't touch it! That's Li Mu Bai's sword. Come and get it if you can. +Come and get it if you can. Without the Green Destiny, you are nothing. +Without the Green Destiny, you are nothing. Don't be a sore loser. Go ahead. Take your pick. I'll wait. Go ahead. +You can't die! Tell us what poison you used! You can't die! Tell us the antidote! You can't let Li Mu Bai die! She used Purple Yin... Purple Yin poison. It goes straight to the heart. +Take my horse and go to the compound. Give this to Mrs. Wu. She'll help you. Hurry! Spare your energy. I'll be back! +Stop it! You don't deserve the Green Destiny. Not another lecture! On guard! +Not another lecture! On guard! Let's end this here. +Let's end this here. Only the sword will settle this. +What do you want? What I've always wanted, to teach you. +What I've always wanted, to teach you. All right. If you can take back the sword in three moves, I'll go with you. +Give it back! Kneel! +Kneel! Never! +Never! Then you have no use for the sword. +The antidote exists. She taught it to me. The formula is simple, but it takes time to prepare. Trust me. As you have helped me, let me help you. All right. Hurry. I will hold on as long as I can. +Lo? Jen! +You shouldn't have come. With all the traffic on your rooftop these days... it took me a while to get in here. I can't wait any longer. I was wrong to let you go. Come back with me. You'll be happy in the desert. You'll be free there. +Let's stop a moment. Give it back! +Give it back! You're tired. You need rest. Your horse needs water. There's a creek up here. +Well, there used to be! What's your name? I'm Lo. The Hans call me Dark Cloud. I'm not that tall or big, but I'm quick as lightning. My comb! +You've got quite a temper. It's better this way. You coward! +You coward! Still in a bad mood? At least you're speaking. What's your name? +No more hitting on the head! All this trouble for a comb? It's mine. It means a lot to me. A barbarian like you wouldn't understand. +It's mine. It means a lot to me. A barbarian like you wouldn't understand. Not true. I can use it to pick fleas from my horse. +Not true. I can use it to pick fleas from my horse. By the way, I'm a real Manchurian. +By the way, I'm a real Manchurian. I'm sorry... I guessed wrong. I though you were a Han. +I'm sorry... I guessed wrong. I though you were a Han. Give me back my comb. +Give me back my comb. I don't take orders from anyone. +I don't take orders from anyone. Give it back. +When I was a boy, one night, I saw a thousand shooting stars. I thought, where did they all go? I'm an orphan. I used to look for stars alone. I thought if I rode to the other end of the desert, I'd find them. I've been riding in the desert ever since. And so, the little boy became a fearsome bandit. He couldn't find the stars, so he stole my comb. +Out here, you always fight for survival. You have to be part of a gang to stand a chance. Slowly, your gang becomes your family. All that Dark Cloud stuff is just to scare people and make my life easier. So you're still that little boy looking for shooting stars. +So you're still that little boy looking for shooting stars. I am a man. And now I've found the brightest star of all. +Your father's men are still looking for you. They're still out there, circling closer. Let them look. +Let them look. It is trouble for me. +Don't send me back! "You must decide. You might get tired of this life. You might begin to miss your family. If it were our daughter, we'd look for her too. She would miss us. Jen... I want you to be mine forever. I will make my mark on the world. I will earn your parents' respect. We have a legend. Anyone who dares to jump from the mountain, God will grant his wish. Long ago, a young man's parents were ill, so he jumped. He didn't die. He wasn't even hurt. He floated away, far away, never to return. He knew his wish had come true. If you believe, it will happen. The elders say, ""A faithful heart makes wishes come true.""" +Keep it safe. Return it to me when we are together again. I will. +I will. If you don't, I'll come after you. And I won't let you off so easy. +Go. Jen... +Jen... Don't ever come back. +Do you remember the legend of the young man? """A faithful heart makes wishes come true.""" +"""A faithful heart makes wishes come true.""" Make a wish, Lo. +Mu Bai...It's been too long. It has. How's business? +It has. How's business? Good. And how are you? +Good. And how are you? Fine. +Monk Zheng said you were at Wudan Mountain. He said you were practicing deep meditation. Yes. +Yes. The mountain must be so peaceful... I envy you. My work keeps me so busy, I hardly get any rest. +The mountain must be so peaceful... I envy you. My work keeps me so busy, I hardly get any rest. I left the training early. +I left the training early. Why? You're a Wudan fighter. Training is everything. +Why? You're a Wudan fighter. Training is everything. During my meditation training... I came to a place of deep silence... I was surrounded by light... Time and space disappeared. I had come to a place my master had never told me about. +During my meditation training... I came to a place of deep silence... I was surrounded by light... Time and space disappeared. I had come to a place my master had never told me about. You were enlightened? +You were enlightened? No. I didn't feel the bliss of enlightenment. Instead... I was surrounded by an endless sorrow. I couldn't bear it. I broke off my meditation. I couldn't go on. There was something... pulling me back. +No. I didn't feel the bliss of enlightenment. Instead... I was surrounded by an endless sorrow. I couldn't bear it. I broke off my meditation. I couldn't go on. There was something... pulling me back. What was it? +What was it? Something I can't let go of. You are leaving soon? +Something I can't let go of. You are leaving soon? We're preparing a convoy for a delivery to Peking. +We're preparing a convoy for a delivery to Peking. Perhaps I could ask you to deliver something to Sir Te for me. +The Green Destiny Sword? You're giving it to Sir Te? I am. He has always been our greatest protector. +I am. He has always been our greatest protector. I don't understand. How can you part with it? It has always been with you. +I don't understand. How can you part with it? It has always been with you. Too many men have died at its edge. It only looks pure because blood washes so easily from its blade. +Too many men have died at its edge. It only looks pure because blood washes so easily from its blade. You use it justly, you're worthy of it. +You use it justly, you're worthy of it. It's time for me to leave it behind. +It's time for me to leave it behind. So what will you do now? +Come with me to Peking. You can give the sword to Sir Te yourself. It'll be just like old times. First I must visit my master's grave. It's been many years since Jade Fox murdered him. I have yet to avenge his death. And yet I'm thinking of quitting. I must pray for his forgiveness. +First I must visit my master's grave. It's been many years since Jade Fox murdered him. I have yet to avenge his death. And yet I'm thinking of quitting. I must pray for his forgiveness. Join me once you have finished. I can wait for you in Peking. +Join me once you have finished. I can wait for you in Peking. Perhaps. +Sir Te believes it's a ploy cast suspicion on Governor Yu. But something is going on at the Yu household. +But something is going on at the Yu household. What have you discovered? +Jade Fox? Impossible. You always suspected she'd fled to the West. +You always suspected she'd fled to the West. I didn't think she'd dare come back to Peking! +I didn't think she'd dare come back to Peking! Is there any place safer than under the nose of Governor Yu? +Is there any place safer than under the nose of Governor Yu? So I shall avenge my master's death after all. +So I shall avenge my master's death after all. Be careful. Sir Te requires discretion. Official business is difficult enough. Don't let personal feelings make it worse. And I don't know... even this poster... could be some sort of trap. +Be careful. Sir Te requires discretion. Official business is difficult enough. Don't let personal feelings make it worse. And I don't know... even this poster... could be some sort of trap. Did you see who posted it? +No. It says Jade Fox is hiding at Yu's. On the night of the theft there was a brawl near Yu's. Were you involved? +It says Jade Fox is hiding at Yu's. On the night of the theft there was a brawl near Yu's. Were you involved? It was Bo, Sir Te's man. I hear he followed the thief to the Yus'. +It was Bo, Sir Te's man. I hear he followed the thief to the Yus'. Have you questioned him yet? +Have you questioned him yet? No, not yet... +No, not yet... But your men are watching over Yu's compund? +But your men are watching over Yu's compund? No, I'd already sent them home. You can blame me for losing the sword, but please trust that I'll get it back soon using my own methods. +No, I'd already sent them home. You can blame me for losing the sword, but please trust that I'll get it back soon using my own methods. That's not what I meant. I don't care about the sword. +That's not what I meant. I don't care about the sword. What do you mean? Didn't you come back here for it? +What do you mean? Didn't you come back here for it? I don't know it was stolen until I got here. +I don't know it was stolen until I got here. Then, why did you come? +Then, why did you come? Well, we had talked... +I admit, getting it back makes me realize how much I'd missed it. But it's not your sword anymore. You gave it to Sir Te. +But it's not your sword anymore. You gave it to Sir Te. True. But I must borrow it for one last mission. Jade Fox must die at its edge. Did you know what you were hiding when you covered for that girl? +True. But I must borrow it for one last mission. Jade Fox must die at its edge. Did you know what you were hiding when you covered for that girl? My job was to get the sword back, without embarassing anyone. I wasn't about to ruin her life, or her father's. +My job was to get the sword back, without embarassing anyone. I wasn't about to ruin her life, or her father's. You did your job well. But, this girl... I saw her last night. +You did your job well. But, this girl... I saw her last night. I knew she would intrigue you. +I knew she would intrigue you. She needs direction... and training. +She needs direction... and training. She's an aristocrat's daughter. She's not one of us. In any case, it will all be over soon. You'll kill Fox, and she'll marry. +She's an aristocrat's daughter. She's not one of us. In any case, it will all be over soon. You'll kill Fox, and she'll marry. That's not for her. She should come to Wudan and become a disciple. +That's not for her. She should come to Wudan and become a disciple. But Wudan does not accept women. +But Wudan does not accept women. For her, they might make an exception. If not, I'm afraid she'll become a poisoned dragon. +For her, they might make an exception. If not, I'm afraid she'll become a poisoned dragon. It's not our affair. Even if Wudan accepts her, her husband might object. +It's not our affair. Even if Wudan accepts her, her husband might object. I thought by giving away the sword, I could escape the Giang Hu world. But the cycle of bloodshed continues. +I thought by giving away the sword, I could escape the Giang Hu world. But the cycle of bloodshed continues. I wish there were something more I could do to help you. +I wish there were something more I could do to help you. Just be patient with me, Shu Lien. +You think Jade Fox will show up? She's out there, but I doubt she'll show herself. We'll keep our eyes open. Sooner or later, she'll come for the girl. +Don't you want to see her again. All right. I'll write you an introduction. Take it to Wudan. Wait there for news from me. +Shu Lien... The things we touch have no permanence. My master would say... there is nothing we can hold on to in this world. Only by letting go can we truly possess what is real. Not everything is an illusion. My hand... wasn't that real? +Not everything is an illusion. My hand... wasn't that real? Your hand, rough and callused from machete practice... All this time, I've never had the courage to touch it. +Giang Hu is a world of tigers and dragons, full of corruption... I tried sincerely to give it up but I have brought us only trouble. To repress one's feelings only makes them stronger. +To repress one's feelings only makes them stronger. You're right, but I don't know what to do. I want to be with you... just like this. It gives me a sense of peace. +We're close to your headquarters. Go home and check in. What about you? +What about you? I'll look around and catch up later. +I'll look around and catch up later. Not a bad idea. Tonight we'll get a good night's sleep at headquarters. +What happened? Jade Fox drugged her. How did you get here? +Jade Fox drugged her. How did you get here? We followed Jade Fox. +My blood will soon reverse its flow. It's the same poison she used to kill my master. There is no antidote. That can't be! Everything has an antithesis! Why not this? +Mu Bai, hold on. Give me some hope... Shu Lien... +Shu Lien... Save your strength. +Save your strength. My life is departing. I've only one breath left. +My life is departing. I've only one breath left. Use it to meditate. Free yourself from this world as you have been taught. Let your soul rise to eternity with your last breath. Do not waste it... for me. +Use it to meditate. Free yourself from this world as you have been taught. Let your soul rise to eternity with your last breath. Do not waste it... for me. I've already wasted my whole life. I want to tell you with my last breath... I have always loved you. I would rather be a ghost, drifting by your side... as a condemned soul... than enter heaven without you. Because of your love... I will never be a lonely spirit. +Madam Te is certainly spoiling us with these wedding gifts. She's being so considerate. I'm sorry she's not feeling well enough to receive you today. +I'm sorry she's not feeling well enough to receive you today. I heard Sir Te lost something. And now Madame Te's not feeling well... +We know who stole the missing item. If the thief returns it, I'm sure Sir Te will pursue the matter no further. That's good. Sometimes the help can't keep their hands to themselves. It's very embarassing. +That's good. Sometimes the help can't keep their hands to themselves. It's very embarassing. Sir Te knows that even well-meaning people can make mistakes... that can bring ruin to themselves and their families. +Sir Te knows that even well-meaning people can make mistakes... that can bring ruin to themselves and their families. But don't be too lenient. +But don't be too lenient. No mercy will be shown toward the murderer who turned up in Peking. +No mercy will be shown toward the murderer who turned up in Peking. A murderer? +A murderer? Yes. The very killer of Li Mu Bai's own master. Last night, she killed a policeman who had tracked her down. +Yes. The very killer of Li Mu Bai's own master. Last night, she killed a policeman who had tracked her down. A female criminal! Now that's news! +Maybe the murderer and the thief are one and the same. I doubt it. This thief... it very unusual... +It's Jade Fox! We must avenge mother! +You're mistaken. We're just street performers. We were rehearsing. Father! +They're gone. What does it say? +What does it say? """We'll settle this at midnight on Yellow Hill."" Good, the fox is out of her hole." +If you surrender now, you'll suffer less. But if you resist, I won't stop until you're dead. Father! Let me avenge my mother's death. +This is Li's personal sword, a great hero's weapon! He is the only one in the world worthy of carrying it. It's too fine a gift. I cannot accept it. Sir Te! It has brought him as much trouble as glory. Help him to leave these troubles behind. Otherwise, he'll never be able to start anew. +Sir Te! It has brought him as much trouble as glory. Help him to leave these troubles behind. Otherwise, he'll never be able to start anew. All right. I'll act as the sword's custodian. +You've always been so good to Li Mu Bai and me. Please accept our thanks. Please do not be such a stranger. You'll stay the night as my guest. Now, Shu Lien... tell me something. And forgive me for prying. Your father was a great friend to me, and I think of you as my own daughter. +Please do not be such a stranger. You'll stay the night as my guest. Now, Shu Lien... tell me something. And forgive me for prying. Your father was a great friend to me, and I think of you as my own daughter. Please, Sir Te, what is it? +Please, Sir Te, what is it? Li Mu Bai giving up his sword and his warrior days... maybe he's trying to tell you something? +Li Mu Bai giving up his sword and his warrior days... maybe he's trying to tell you something? I don't know... +I don't know... Don't be coy. I've always known about your feelings for each other. All these years, it's a shame... neither of you is brave enough to admit the truth to the other. You're both wasting precious time. +Don't be coy. I've always known about your feelings for each other. All these years, it's a shame... neither of you is brave enough to admit the truth to the other. You're both wasting precious time. I beg your pardon. Li Mu Bai and I aren't cowards. +I beg your pardon. Li Mu Bai and I aren't cowards. When it comes to emotions, even great heroes can be idiots. Tell me if Li Mu Bai is not more open the next time you see him. I'll give him an earful! +Has Governor Yu ever seen the sword? Yes, though I doubt he's involved in this. +Yes, though I doubt he's involved in this. But the sword could be in his compound. +But the sword could be in his compound. Then someone's trying to set him up. We should inform Li Mu Bai. +We must be careful. Governor Yu is a court official, and in charge of security. Any disturbance will cast suspicion on him. It might get Sir Te in trouble. This is a delicate matter. +This is a delicate matter. Sir Te, can you find some excuse to invite Madam Yu and her daughter? +Sir Te, can you find some excuse to invite Madam Yu and her daughter? What do you have in mind? +What do you have in mind? The best way to trap a fox is through her cubs. +Sure it coulda. Funboy's not here, neither is T-Bird -- none of Top Dollar's number ones. You know, you sure got a hard-on for a guy that's guilty of zip on paper. Top Dollar runs Showtime; what's the matter, don't you like adult entertainment? +You know, you sure got a hard-on for a guy that's guilty of zip on paper. Top Dollar runs Showtime; what's the matter, don't you like adult entertainment? This sack of shit is called Tin- Tin. +This sack of shit is called Tin- Tin. Don't any of your little pals have real, grown up names? +Don't any of your little pals have real, grown up names? He was a runner for Top Dollar. Just muscle. +He was a runner for Top Dollar. Just muscle. Was. ALBRECHT This isn't Top Dollar's style anyway. This was somebody else. Somebody new. +And you're gonna tell me who. Who ever made that. +What in the hell... do you call that? I call it blood, Detective. If you want, you can call it graffiti. +Talent. Hi. Care for a hot dog? +Care for a hot dog? You buying? +You buying? I'm buying. +No onions though, okay? No onions? +No onions? They make you fart. +Whatever it is, the answer's no, Eddie. I'm too busy tonight. Annie, I need a file. +Speak up. Clear it with the Captain if you need a file. This is special, darlin'. Please? +"Just don't tell me you ""owe me one."" What file?" Double homicide. A year ago. Las Halloween. +Don't thank me. Your ass is already in enough trouble for this shit. I knew that. +Could be. You gonna wind up working at a school crosswalk. that doughnut's chocolate you, know. +Well, hello there...chocolate, Don't thank me. +Don't thank me. Thanks, babe. +And I say I'm dead... and I move. No further. I'm serious. +Are you nuts, walking into a gun? You must listen carefully: the Fire Department will be here soon. There is an injured man in the alley who needs assistance. As Shelly Webster once needed your assistance, and as you are shortly going to need my assistance. +"Listen: Top Dollar. He ""owns the street here."" He will ""erase my ass.""" You don't say. +You don't say. I know Top Dollar has turned your streets into his hell. +I know Top Dollar has turned your streets into his hell. Fucking A, my friend. +Fucking A, my friend. The others are called Skank, T- Bird. Street names. Funboy. Watch me, office Albrecht. +You, my friend, are dead. I saw your body. You got buried. I saw it, too. +You died, man. I can't believe it but here you are. Last year, you and your girlfriend -- I need you to tell me what you remember. What happened to us? +I need you to tell me what you remember. What happened to us? You went out the window. She was beaten and raped. She died in the hospital. +You okay, man? I mean, what just happened. The venom of bad memories. You were there; you saw her. I saw you seeing her. +My name. I'm sorry as hell, man. +I'm sorry as hell, man. Thirty hours. A day of life, plus change... +Halloween is coming, soon. You will have Top Dollar if you watch for me at the Showtime, tomorrow night. I should be trying to stop you. +Thank you. For giving a damn. My pleasure. ERIC Don't smoke these. +It's done. ALBRECHT I figured as much. Did you cap off Funboy. Funboy had to leave this mortal coil. +Funboy had to leave this mortal coil. Yeah, among others. Hey, man -- you're hit. +Yeah, among others. Hey, man -- you're hit. It's only a flesh wound. +It's only a flesh wound. It's only fourteen or fifteen flesh wounds. +I mean, I've done what I came to do. It shouldn't hurt this much. But it will pass... Right. You sure I can't just take you to the emergency ward? +They couldn't do anything for me. How 'bout the morgue? +How 'bout the morgue? No. I have one more thing to do. +You sorta looked like you might need my help. This isn't your place. This isn't your fight. And I don't need your help. +This isn't your place. This isn't your fight. And I don't need your help. You're welcome. +You're welcome. Leave here. Don't do this. I don't want you here. +Leave here. Don't do this. I don't want you here. The hell you say. This isn't just about you any more. +Don't interfere. You're bleeding, man. You can't make it. +Mom --? I told you you're not supposed to come in here. +I told you you're not supposed to come in here. I lost my key. +I was wonderin' where you'd gotten to -- Oh, Elly, honey, a cat. Here? He was a present. Besides, we're moving anyway. You said. +He was a present. Besides, we're moving anyway. You said. We'll discuss this later. Obviously. You left the door open. +At least it finally stopped raining. It can't rain all the time. +Hey, Darla -- before we die of old age, how about it --? Out. Now. I gotta work. +Oh wow, oh wow, don't fucking do that, man. I nearly had a fucking heart attack. Fun -- look at that guy... +Fun -- look at that guy... It's just the dope, don't worry +It's just the dope, don't worry Fun, he's not going away; he's scaring the piss outta me! +Fun, he's not going away; he's scaring the piss outta me! Not me. +You look like a rock star without a job. I dabble. May I? +My mom works over there. I'm waiting for her, but she's probably with him, right now. Who? +Who? Mister Funboy. +Mister Funboy. Mister Funboy lives there? +Mister Funboy lives there? He has a room, upstairs. I don't like him very much. +I can pick out a tune now and again. "Can you play ""Teddy Bears' Picnic?"" It used to be her favorite." +"Can you play ""Teddy Bears' Picnic?"" It used to be her favorite." Does she have a name? +Does she have a name? No name. You sure ask a lot of questions. +Do you feel okay. No. +No. You gotta go now, I bet. +You gotta go now, I bet. I have to go. +What's going on...? A remembrance. A closure. +You brought flowers. As long as you don't forget her, Elly, she lives. She's dead. She's gone. And now you're just gonna go away and never come back, too. I hate this place; it isn't fair. +She's dead. She's gone. And now you're just gonna go away and never come back, too. I hate this place; it isn't fair. Elly... +I remember him! Here, Gabriel... here kitty... Gabriel... Is he still yours? I think he's yours, now. +Shelly would've wanted you to have it. This way, you'll think of her every time you see it... And she'll be alive. Up here. +Now do you get to see her? Shelly, I mean. In a better place. I hope. +In a better place. I hope. You're not gonna come back, are you? +I don't know if I can. But you have this... and you know where to come. You mean you'll, like' dig your way out of the grave? Euww. +What's goin' on, Elly? I went to see a friend of mine. +I went to see a friend of mine. Well, how's your friend? +Well, how's your friend? She's still dead. +Chili dog for breakfast... it's original. Mom tried to cook. +Mom tried to cook. Oh. +I know your friend, too -- the one that looks like a rock star. I don't know you. +I don't know you. I'd like to get in touch with him. +You're not a cop, either. What do you want him for? I'm looking for a good guitar man. +I'm looking for a good guitar man. Right. +You buying? He kinda wanders around. You'll see him if you pay attention. I need to find him kind of soon, Elly. +Little early from trick-or-treat, homie. This dick trying to bushwack me. Murderer. +A year ago. Halloween. A man and a woman. In a loft. You helped to murder them. Last Halloween, eh? Yeah... Yeah, I remember. I fucked her too, I think. +Last Halloween, eh? Yeah... Yeah, I remember. I fucked her too, I think. You cut her. You raped her. You watched! +You cut her. You raped her. You watched! Hey, I got my rocks off, so fuck you in the ass, man. +I want you to tell me a story, Tin-Tin. I don't know you... +Holy shit... you're dead, man... Victims. Aren't we all. +Top Dollar, you're the only one here still wasting good air... Five large, in the drawer right over there. I never saw you. +Five large, in the drawer right over there. I never saw you. Do you know what you destroyed? +Do you know what you destroyed? Take the dope, too. +A year ago. A very nice lady circulated a petition. She died. Last Halloween. Answer yes or no. That's ancient history. +That's ancient history. It's yesterday! Do you know what you destroyed? +Who gives a fuck! I'm a businessman. You gonna do me, then do me and shut you're face! You don't even remember... +You don't even remember... I never forget anything, dickhead. That building was a sweep-and- clear; the bitch was a nuisance with her goddamned petition. It got a little rowdy... end of story. +I never forget anything, dickhead. That building was a sweep-and- clear; the bitch was a nuisance with her goddamned petition. It got a little rowdy... end of story. Rowdy. Let me fill in some gaps for you. +Cute nickname, don't you think? I ain't got no fuckin' ring. +I ain't got no fuckin' ring. Wrong answer. +Top Dollar. Another jolly nickname? +Another jolly nickname? You want those assholes, you want Top Dollar. +You want those assholes, you want Top Dollar. T-Bird? +T-Bird? Like the car. He hangs out with Skank. that little ass-hair, and they hang at the Pit -- hell, Funboy lives there. Ask Top Dollar. +Like the car. He hangs out with Skank. that little ass-hair, and they hang at the Pit -- hell, Funboy lives there. Ask Top Dollar. A whole club of pirates, with pirate names... +I believe our friend Elly call you Mister Crow. Please acknowledge; the mike will pick you up. I can see her. +I can see her. Of course you can. ANGLE - GRANGE IN THE GALLERY -- in darkness. The running lights on his night-scoped, laser-sighted sniper's rifle which THROWS vague sprays of eerie red and green light. +I wish to possess what you have now. I want the girl. Unharmed. Now. +I want the girl. Unharmed. Now. I know. That is why I will prevail. Mr. Grange... ? +Sooner or later, my action were destined to bring me a genuine Fury. And it turned out to be you. At last. I appreciate your abilities as few mortals can. That's why I desire them. You're too late. There was a guy outside - on the stairs - you really need to talk to. But he turned to dust and blew away. I don't have any power for you to take. +You're too late. There was a guy outside - on the stairs - you really need to talk to. But he turned to dust and blew away. I don't have any power for you to take. I don't believe that. Lao motions to Grange with the killing blade. Grange RELAXES his deathgrip on the crow. MOVE IN CLOSE on Eric so we may perceive a palpable degree of relief. +And how many lives have you destroyed? I took yours from you. Your little girlfriend? I took hers, too. Your meaningless, petty life? I took it so that tonight your existence might gain a purpose. You're no avenger. You're mine. +How the hell did you do that? Magic. +Neither. Yeah, I got a more fun idea myself. +Owwwaaaa -- fuck me! Look what you did to my sheets, you lame piece'a shit! AAAAaa! Goddd! Does it hurt? +Does it hurt? Does it hurt?! You dead-ass, clown-faced fuck, of course it fucking hurts! What the shit are you gonna do about this?! +No, wait, no WAIT, that's too much, man, that's like overkill, nobody can take that much, you're wasting it -- ! Your pain ends now. +What the hell are you? Interested? Follow the crow. +Having fun yet? No? I'll give you a hint. Remember whatshername? Shelly? +Shelly? Miss her? +Miss her? Yes. +Yes. Kill the men who killed you both, and the Day of the Dead will be your reunion. +Get it? Leave me alone -- ! +Glad to see you're finally with the program. Bugger off to the graveyard, skull- face, I'm busy. +Bugger off to the graveyard, skull- face, I'm busy. You work for the dead. Forget that, and you can forget it all. +Getting a little ambitious and extracurricular, aren't we? Go away. +Go away. You need to learn to mind your own business or you'll never get where you think you're going. +You need to learn to mind your own business or you'll never get where you think you're going. Shut up. +Shut up. Maybe I was wrong about you. +Your job is done. You interfere with the living again. Tell me I'll get hurt. That I might die. I've already done that. I don't need anyone's help. Yours included. +Do this thing and you will be vulnerable. The blood will not return. No powers. No reunion. Nothing. Fine with me. +You'll be alone. I'm already alone. +Don't waste my time. Very well, it's your ass. +Blow yourself, bigmouth. Whoa, hey, whoa. Business. +Coupla more rings... 24k. 18k. Crap. +18k. Crap. ...necklace... pearls... +...necklace... pearls... Nineteen bucks at Sears. Fake, +Nineteen bucks at Sears. Fake, Leather purse... +What's this -- a little, ah, bloodstain, right? Fifty bucks for the box, and I'm doin' you a -- Yeah, I know, fatso. Do us all a favor. Make Top Dollar smile. +Did you see an animal of any kind? Did you see a bird? No. I saw a guitar. This isn't some rock-n-roller you forgot to pay, is it? There was a drawing on the wall that looked like a bird. In blood. +What... the hell is that? This is a cobra, Mr. Grange. Yes, it is real. +That thing is poisonous. Extremely so. You and I are the recipients of unwanted good fortune, in the form of a man everyone is calling The Crow. +Give me a break. That guy's a wacko... I intend no slight to you, but I cannot find the English to adequately express just what he is. I suppose Western mythology would describe him as a Fury. +I intend no slight to you, but I cannot find the English to adequately express just what he is. I suppose Western mythology would describe him as a Fury. Not a Plymouth Fury, I bet. +Do you know of spirit assassins? You do know the dead can rise? Properly motivated, of course. Like some sort of zombie on a revenge trip. +Like some sort of zombie on a revenge trip. Mmm. But tonight I can take what is his. +Mmm. But tonight I can take what is his. Only thing you'll get from that clown is a faster way to die. LAO To the contrary... +Who is only invulnerable so long as he cares about the dead. When he begins to care about the living, you'll find his heart can bleed... and I want it to bleed for me. Kill a dead guy? +We've got company. Is he inside? +I've got him if you want him. No shooting. +No shooting. Move in, guys. +An unexpected pleasure. Bad news. Alot of action on the streets tonight, and nobody bothered to clear it with me. Tin- Tin got himself whacked. +Bad news. Alot of action on the streets tonight, and nobody bothered to clear it with me. Tin- Tin got himself whacked. Who got himself what? +Who got himself what? One of mine. And it wasn't a standard hit. +One of mine. And it wasn't a standard hit. "I had heard something like this. Describe it for me. The ""hit""." +"I had heard something like this. Describe it for me. The ""hit""." I was wondering if you could tell me anything... about a wildcat operative. +I was wondering if you could tell me anything... about a wildcat operative. I know of no one. But even if there is, I am sure it is nothing outside your capacity to deal with? +I know of no one. But even if there is, I am sure it is nothing outside your capacity to deal with? Anybody violates my turf -- our turf -- I'll rip out there heart and show it to 'em. +Anybody violates my turf -- our turf -- I'll rip out there heart and show it to 'em. To be sure. Now tell how your friend died. +"Sounds like our ""Crow"" is out-maneuvering you." """Our"" Crow...?" +"""Our"" Crow...?" Come now. You've seen the graffiti -- all over the city in the few hors it has taken your men to drop like plague victims. What about your turf, Top? You don't seem to have ripped out anyone's heart yet. +Come now. You've seen the graffiti -- all over the city in the few hors it has taken your men to drop like plague victims. What about your turf, Top? You don't seem to have ripped out anyone's heart yet. The night is young. +Do you think this childish machismo impresses me? When I was a boy in Saigon I watched my country change one block at a time, one building at a time. Whole lives erased. A way of life, polluted. Today, no one forces me to move. I use my powers to change your country, one block at a time, one building at a time. Nice speech. What's it supposed to mean? +Nice speech. What's it supposed to mean? Your comprehension is not required. Your cooperation and, indeed, your ability are the issues on the table. +I'm Kathryn. Annette Harrison. +Have we met? I don't think so. +I don't think so. Did you know Sebastian well? +Did you know Sebastian well? You might say that. +You might say that. Now I remember. Annette Harrison. Your father's the new headmaster at Oakwood. +Now I remember. Annette Harrison. Your father's the new headmaster at Oakwood. That's right. +That's right. I'm sure you're going to love it there. +Are you okay? I'll be fine. +I'll be fine. Well, I'll leave you alone now. I just came in here to get something of mine. +Thank you. Look, I know this sounds corny, but whenever I feel like I can't go on I... turn to Jesus and he helps me through the problem. Call me an anachronism, but - +Look, I know this sounds corny, but whenever I feel like I can't go on I... turn to Jesus and he helps me through the problem. Call me an anachronism, but - Oh cut the shit, Kathryn. +Oh cut the shit, Kathryn. Excuse me? +Excuse me? You heard me. +You heard me. Who the hell do you think you are coming into my house and saying those things to me. My brother is dead, have some respect. +Who the hell do you think you are coming into my house and saying those things to me. My brother is dead, have some respect. Kathryn, I know all about you and Sebastian. +Kathryn, I know all about you and Sebastian. Sebastian was a pathological liar. I wouldn't believe a word he - +Sebastian was a pathological liar. I wouldn't believe a word he - I have his journal. +I have his journal. You what? +You what? His journal. He sent it to me the day before he died. Everything about you is in it. The blow jobs, the hand jobs, the menages, your bout with bulimia, the affair you had with your guidance counselor and how he gave you... eww. Let's see, then there's your coke problem... You still keep it in your crucifix, don't you? It's all in there. +His journal. He sent it to me the day before he died. Everything about you is in it. The blow jobs, the hand jobs, the menages, your bout with bulimia, the affair you had with your guidance counselor and how he gave you... eww. Let's see, then there's your coke problem... You still keep it in your crucifix, don't you? It's all in there. You didn't show it to anybody? +You didn't show it to anybody? Actually, I was planning on running down to Kinkos. Do you think you could give me ride? +Actually, I was planning on running down to Kinkos. Do you think you could give me ride? You can't do this to me. It could ruin me. +You can't do this to me. It could ruin me. I know. +He told you he's failing in love with you? I've never known him to say those words before. Really? I thought he said it all the time. +Really? I thought he said it all the time. That's not his style. one thing I can say about Valmont. He always speaks the truth. +Nothing. Is there a mutual feeling between you two? +Is there a mutual feeling between you two? No. I mean. I don't know. What else do you know about him? +No. I mean. I don't know. What else do you know about him? Not a whole lot. We take some classes together. He's got a bad rep, but it's mostly bullshit. +Not a whole lot. We take some classes together. He's got a bad rep, but it's mostly bullshit. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Well, a lot of people are jealous cause he's loaded. +Well, a lot of people are jealous cause he's loaded. I don't know. I've been hearing some awful things about him. +I don't know. I've been hearing some awful things about him. From who? +From who? I can't tell you. I'm sworn to secrecy. +Annette, how long have we known each other? Forever. +Forever. Now it's my job to look out for you. You're like a kid sister to me. Do I look like some kind of gossip queen? +You promise not to say anything? On my mother's life. +On my mother's life. Okay... +So what year are you going into? Junior. +Junior. Got a boyfriend back home? +Got a boyfriend back home? No. +No. Why not? +Why not? I don't know. Relationships seem too distracting. I'd rather concentrate on my studies. +I don't know. Relationships seem too distracting. I'd rather concentrate on my studies. You a lesbo? +You a lesbo? No. +Are you often this offensive on a first encounter? I was just being honest. You happen to have a nice ass. Sorry. +I read your teen beat manifesto. You did? +You did? I must say I found it rather appalling. +I must say I found it rather appalling. That's a first. Most people praised me for it. +That's a first. Most people praised me for it. Most people are morons. I mean who are you to knock what you've never experienced? +Most people are morons. I mean who are you to knock what you've never experienced? I wasn't knocking anything. It's just my belief that people shouldn't actually experience the act of love until they are in love and that people our age are too immature to be in touch with those emotions. +I wasn't knocking anything. It's just my belief that people shouldn't actually experience the act of love until they are in love and that people our age are too immature to be in touch with those emotions. Oh really? +Oh really? Take yourself. You've slept with several women. Are you happier because of it? +Take yourself. You've slept with several women. Are you happier because of it? How do you know I've been with several women? +How do you know I've been with several women? A friend wrote me. +A friend wrote me. Well maybe you should get to know the person before you judge them instead of listening to some bullshit gossip. +Well maybe you should get to know the person before you judge them instead of listening to some bullshit gossip. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you... but you still didn't answer the question. +Who the hell is taking the time to write letters, spreading this shit about me? It's not really important. +It's not really important. Fine, forget it. It's obvious that we're not going to be friends. +Fine, forget it. It's obvious that we're not going to be friends. Why are you being so dramatic? +Why are you being so dramatic? Look, I've got a lot of problems and I'm trying to deal with them and the last thing I need is people spreading shit about me. +Look, I've got a lot of problems and I'm trying to deal with them and the last thing I need is people spreading shit about me. Alright, I said I was sorry. Can we start over again? I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot. +Excuse me. Excuse me! You talking to me? +You talking to me? Look, I know this is your house and all, but do you think you couid keep it down? I'm trying to read. +Look, I know this is your house and all, but do you think you couid keep it down? I'm trying to read. What'cha reading? +What'cha reading? The Fountainhead. +The Fountainhead. Great book. +Great book. You've read The Fountainhead? +You've read The Fountainhead? Several times. I'm not as dumb as I act, you know. When Howard Roark makes love to Dominique Francon... most romantic scene in all of literature. +Several times. I'm not as dumb as I act, you know. When Howard Roark makes love to Dominique Francon... most romantic scene in all of literature. Romantic? He rapes her. +Romantic? He rapes her. That's a matter of opinion. +That's a matter of opinion. You need help. +You need help. Why don't you come join me for a swim and we'll discuss it. +Why don't you come join me for a swim and we'll discuss it. At this hour? I don't think so. +At this hour? I don't think so. Oh come on. Quit acting like a geriatric and get in the pool. +Oh come on. Quit acting like a geriatric and get in the pool. Gee, with an invitation like that how could a girl refuse. +Gee, with an invitation like that how could a girl refuse. Please. +Please. Give me a minute. I'll be right down. +Give me a minute. I'll be right down. Thank you. +You know it amazes me that someone as bright as you can be so horrible. What? Another letter from your friend? +What? Another letter from your friend? This is my favorite part. Even more treacherous and dangerous than he is charming and fascinating. He has never taken a single step or spoken a single word without some dishonorable or criminal intention. Every young girl he has successfully pursued has regretted it. +This is my favorite part. Even more treacherous and dangerous than he is charming and fascinating. He has never taken a single step or spoken a single word without some dishonorable or criminal intention. Every young girl he has successfully pursued has regretted it. You know you could at least have the decency of telling me who's badmouthing me so I might have the opportunity to confront them face to face. How do you know it's not some girl who's pissed off at me for breaking up with her? +You know you could at least have the decency of telling me who's badmouthing me so I might have the opportunity to confront them face to face. How do you know it's not some girl who's pissed off at me for breaking up with her? I sincerely doubt it. +I sincerely doubt it. Give me the fucking letter. +The last thing I need is you going into my room searching for this while I'm away. Is that the last thing you need? My your clever. +How's the water? Refreshing. +About what? About what you said today in the stable. I'm not a happy person. +About what you said today in the stable. I'm not a happy person. I never said that. +I never said that. You implied it. +You implied it. Look, I didn't mean to give you a hard time. +Look, I didn't mean to give you a hard time. No, it's okay. I mean I look at you with all your morals and values and well, YOU seem to be happy in your choices. I envy you. No bullshit. +No, it's okay. I mean I look at you with all your morals and values and well, YOU seem to be happy in your choices. I envy you. No bullshit. Thank you. +Thank you. Seriously, you're amazing. You have everything going for you. You're smart, you're beautiful, you're determined. You're everything I want in a girlfriend. +Seriously, you're amazing. You have everything going for you. You're smart, you're beautiful, you're determined. You're everything I want in a girlfriend. Shut up. +Shut up. I wasn't kidding. I'd like to take you out. +I wasn't kidding. I'd like to take you out. Look, I'm flattered but, seriously it could never work. +Look, I'm flattered but, seriously it could never work. Why not? +Why not? Because you act like a pig. +Do you deny that there's an attraction between us? I don't... I don't want to answer that... look we're friends. +I don't... I don't want to answer that... look we're friends. You don't find me cute? Come on, look at these muscles. +I'm sorry, but you're not my type. Fine. Friends it is. I can live with that. +You're naked. It's my house. +That's repulsive. What's the big deal? We're friends. Haven't you ever seen your friends naked before? +Need a lift? No thank you. +No thank you. How are you today? +How are you today? Give it up. +Give it up. Oh right, last night. I guess I owe you an apology. +Oh right, last night. I guess I owe you an apology. I'm not going to speak to you till you realize that you can't intimidate me. +I'm not going to speak to you till you realize that you can't intimidate me. I said I was sorry. +It was fine. I wish I could say the same for myself. I was up thinking about you all night. +I wish I could say the same for myself. I was up thinking about you all night. I thought we agreed that we were going to be friends. +I thought we agreed that we were going to be friends. "Yes, well unfortunately I can't just switch the ""on"" button to ""off."" The sad fact of the matter is that you've unintentionally rubbed off on me." +And that's a bad thing? I'm trying to better myself, but the one person who can help me is the same one pushing me away. +I'm trying to better myself, but the one person who can help me is the same one pushing me away. I'm sorry, but I'm not here to be your savior. +I'm sorry, but I'm not here to be your savior. Well try this one on for size. I think I'm falling in love with you. +Well try this one on for size. I think I'm falling in love with you. You don't even know me. +You don't even know me. Don't you believe in love at first sight? +Don't you believe in love at first sight? Yes, but only when it's mutual. And this is far from mutual. +Yes, but only when it's mutual. And this is far from mutual. Ouch. Do you think we could spend some time together this morning? +Ouch. Do you think we could spend some time together this morning? I can't. I'm seeing a friend. +I can't. I'm seeing a friend. Who? +Who? That's none of your business. +That's none of your business. How about tonight? +How about tonight? I'm busy. +I'm busy. Doing what? +Doing what? That's also none of your business. +That's also none of your business. Tell me what to do, Annette. How can I win your heart. I'll do anything. I can't get you out of my mind. +Tell me what to do, Annette. How can I win your heart. I'll do anything. I can't get you out of my mind. You truly want to do something to make me happy? +You truly want to do something to make me happy? Yes. +Yes. And you promise to abide by it? +And you promise to abide by it? Without question. +Without question. Alright. I want you to leave and go back to New York. +Alright. I want you to leave and go back to New York. What? +What? If that's a problem, then I'll make arrangements to stay with some friends. +I'll leave this afternoon. Happy? It's not about being happy. You and I can't - +No, not at all. Well, I was just calling to see how you're doing. +Well, I was just calling to see how you're doing. I'm... I'm alright. +I'm... I'm alright. How was your date? +How was your date? It wasn't a date. He's just a friend. +Well, I was just calling to tell you I was thinking about you and I miss you. I'll let you go. Wait, don't hang up. +Wait, don't hang up. Okay? +Okay? What are you doing? +What are you doing? Reading. +What are you reading? Of Human Bondage. +Of Human Bondage. Somerset Maugham. +Somerset Maugham. Yeah, it's pretty relevant considering my situation. +Yeah, it's pretty relevant considering my situation. You're not gonna start that again. +Sure. Have a good night. I will. +Alone again. What are you up to today? I'm doing some volunteer work. +I'm doing some volunteer work. Need any company? +Need any company? You? Volunteer? I don't think so. +You? Volunteer? I don't think so. I don't know? Maybe I'd like it. I'm trying to change here. You could be supportive. +I don't know? Maybe I'd like it. I'm trying to change here. You could be supportive. Okay. +Okay. Babe, you're looking at the next Mother Teresa. +It's weird. I actually feel good about myself. Can we do this again next week? Oh please. +Oh please. What? +What? """I actually feel good about myself?""" +"""I actually feel good about myself?""" I do. +I do. You must take me for a real idiot. +You must take me for a real idiot. I don't. +I don't. You're going to tell me that you had a good time with the old lady. +You're going to tell me that you had a good time with the old lady. I did. We played three games of backgammon and... +That's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person. Yes it does. +Yes it does. No, it doesn't. I'm happy you're being honest with me. +No, it doesn't. I'm happy you're being honest with me. I can't win with you. +I can't win with you. It's not about winning. You know what your problem is? You take yourself way too seriously. +It's not about winning. You know what your problem is? You take yourself way too seriously. I do not. +I do not. Lighten up. +Lighten up. I am lighten. Can we drop this? +I am lighten. Can we drop this? Fine. +Oh dear, are you actually laughing? No. +No. No? +Am I bothering you? Not at all. Have a seat. +My friend Monsieur Philipe is a friend of Florentino. Who's Monsieur Philipe? +Who's Monsieur Philipe? You don't know Monsieur Philipe? +Bonjour Monsieur Philipe. You are very pretty. I would like to kiss you. +You know what? I don't take it back. Why are you doing this? +Why are you doing this? Because I'm in love with you. +Because I'm in love with you. I thought you said we were going to be friends. +I thought you said we were going to be friends. I can't handle it. I can't keep my feelings bottled up like you. Can you honestly tell me that you feel nothing for me? ... Tell me! +I can't handle it. I can't keep my feelings bottled up like you. Can you honestly tell me that you feel nothing for me? ... Tell me! I have feelings for you. +I have feelings for you. Then what's wrong? I love you Annette. It's not like you have a husband, unless your married to Jesus. +Then what's wrong? I love you Annette. It's not like you have a husband, unless your married to Jesus. That's not fair. +That's not fair. Why can't we be together? +You really want to know? Yes. +Yes. It's because I don't trust myself with you. I took a vow and because of you I'm tempted to break it. Don't destroy that for me. Please. +I just came to say goodbye. Where are you going? +Where are you going? Back to the city. I may take off to Europe for the rest of the summer. I just can't handle it around here. +Back to the city. I may take off to Europe for the rest of the summer. I just can't handle it around here. I think that's for the best. +I think that's for the best. Good for you. +Good for you. Sebastian, please. I don't want us to end on bad terms. +Sebastian, please. I don't want us to end on bad terms. Well, I'm afraid you don't have a choice in the matter. You make me sick. You're a hypocrite and I don't associate with hypocrites. +How am I a hypocrite? Oh please Annette. You spend all your time preaching about waiting for love. Well here it is. Right in front of you, but you're going to turn your back on it. I'm sorry that we're not at the age where we can get married. If we were, I'd propose, but that's not going to happen. So I guess we're just fucked. I'll move on, but you... you're going to have to live with yourself knowing you've turned your back on love. And that makes you a hypocrite. +Please don't go. Get off me. +Hi. Hi. +I'm fine. I have to get going to my friends' house. Was it -- It was perfect. +Hi. Hi. +Would you like a tour? Sure. +This isn't working out for me anymore. Yeah, me neither. +It's not you, it's me. I'm completely fucked up. What are you saying? +What are you saying? Why aren't you understanding? +Why aren't you understanding? I love you. +I love you. I know. I wish I felt the same. Unfortunately, I feel nothing. I think it was just the conquest. Sorry, I'm completely fucked up. +Why are you trying to hurt me? I'm just being honest. I just wanted to see what you were like in bed. +You don't know how to love. You don't even know me. The fact of the matter is there is some one I love. She's smarter, prettier... you don't even compare to her. The only reason I am here is because she wants us to be exclusive. +You don't even know me. The fact of the matter is there is some one I love. She's smarter, prettier... you don't even compare to her. The only reason I am here is because she wants us to be exclusive. But you knew this was important to me. +But you knew this was important to me. What, your virginity? Well that's over now. +It's a beautiful home you have here Mrs. Rosemond. Thank you, Annette. Chance Hill has been with my family for over sixty years. Does your family do much riding? +Thank you, Annette. Chance Hill has been with my family for over sixty years. Does your family do much riding? My mother and I used to ride a lot, before she got sick. +My mother and I used to ride a lot, before she got sick. I'm sorry about that. +I'm sorry about that. My Grandpa, used to breed horses on his farm so I would come over and ride all the time. +My Grandpa, used to breed horses on his farm so I would come over and ride all the time. I'm familiar with a lot of breeders in the mid-west. What's his name? +I'm familiar with a lot of breeders in the mid-west. What's his name? Ben Schwarz. +Ben Schwarz. Schwarz. Jewish? +Schwarz. Jewish? German. +German. Doesn't ring a bell. +Unbelievable. Some fag, no offense - - none taken - +- none taken - - wrote a letter to this chick and saying shit about me. +- wrote a letter to this chick and saying shit about me. Any ideas who it could be? +Any ideas who it could be? Blaine, if I knew who it was that person wouldn't be alive right now. +Blaine, if I knew who it was that person wouldn't be alive right now. Where did you say she's from? +Where did you say she's from? Kansas. Who the hell do I know in Kansas? +Kansas. Who the hell do I know in Kansas? Greg McConnell. +Greg McConnell. The football stud? +The football stud? He's from Kansas City. I wouldn't be surprised if he was your rat. +He's from Kansas City. I wouldn't be surprised if he was your rat. It would make sense. McConnell hates me. I fingered his girlfriend at the game last year. +It would make sense. McConnell hates me. I fingered his girlfriend at the game last year. I don't think that bothered him. +I don't think that bothered him. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Let's just say Greg likes tackling tight ends on and off the field. +Let's just say Greg likes tackling tight ends on and off the field. Are you shitting me? +Are you shitting me? "I shit you not. McConnell used to sneak in my dorm room drunk every month. We'd go at it for a while, then as soon as he'd cum, he starts freaking out. You know - ""What are you doing, man? I'm not a fag. I'll kick your ass if you say anything."" It's like, for Christsakes Greg, you're gay, deal with it. The only reason why I let him continue with his charade is because he's got a mouth like a Hoover." +"I shit you not. McConnell used to sneak in my dorm room drunk every month. We'd go at it for a while, then as soon as he'd cum, he starts freaking out. You know - ""What are you doing, man? I'm not a fag. I'll kick your ass if you say anything."" It's like, for Christsakes Greg, you're gay, deal with it. The only reason why I let him continue with his charade is because he's got a mouth like a Hoover." Too bad he's in Kansas this summer. +Too bad he's in Kansas this summer. Not anymore. Football team started practice last week. He's already called me to hook up. +Not anymore. Football team started practice last week. He's already called me to hook up. Really. You think you could arrange a little get together with him tonight on my behalf? +Really. You think you could arrange a little get together with him tonight on my behalf? Hmmm. I do believe Bravo is showing Spartacus on television tonight. +Hmmm. I do believe Bravo is showing Spartacus on television tonight. Outstanding. +Outstanding. Don't think it's not going to cost you. +Don't think it's not going to cost you. "No problem. Just make sure your front door is unlocked. Shall we say the ""stroke of midnight"" no pun intended?" +I think he's telling the truth Valmont. Greg couldn't write a grocery list let alone a letter. Alright, I believe you. Stop crying. Your secret's safe with me. +Oh, I suck. I suck. Relax. It's okay. Take a deep breath. +Ronald is one of the few high school students attending Juliard. He's composing his first opera. It's based on the life of Doctor Martin Luther King. +It's based on the life of Doctor Martin Luther King. Doctor King is my favorite. +Well, I guess it's getting late. Please thank Kathryn for the use of her Steinway. I'll see you tomorrow. +I'll see you tomorrow. Absolutely. +What are the boys like? Cecile, is that the best you can do? You must forgive her, Kathryn. She's never been in a co-educational atmosphere before. +Where did you find those? Margarita found them while cleaning your room. +Margarita found them while cleaning your room. Those are my letters! +Those are my letters! Don't you raise your voice at me. Go to your room, now. +I'm in the bath, mom. Well hurry up. I want to be at Mrs. Rosemond's before lunch. +Well hurry up. I want to be at Mrs. Rosemond's before lunch. Okay. +What was that? I was thanking her. Vietnamese is such a beautiful language. +I'll call you later and we'll get together and plan your curriculum. Thanks. Nice meeting you. +So, rumor has it that you went on a date with Court Reynolds. I hear he's very nice. He's alright. He kept talking about this bulimic headcase he dumped over Fourth Of July. +He's alright. He kept talking about this bulimic headcase he dumped over Fourth Of July. Really? Bulimic headcase. +Really? Bulimic headcase. What a loser she must be. Anyhow, Court's invited me to the Hamptons for Labor Day Weekend. +What a loser she must be. Anyhow, Court's invited me to the Hamptons for Labor Day Weekend. That's great. +That's great. You think so? I don't know. I guess I'm just scared. +You think so? I don't know. I guess I'm just scared. What are you scared of? +What are you scared of? Ah duh. Boys. I've never even gone to first base with a guy. What do I do? +Ah duh. Boys. I've never even gone to first base with a guy. What do I do? Haven't you ever practiced with one of your girlfriends? +Haven't you ever practiced with one of your girlfriends? Eww. No. That's gross. +Eww. No. That's gross. It's not gross. How else do you think girls learn? Here turn around and face me. +Are you for real? Do you want to learn or not? +Do you want to learn or not? I guess. It still sounds gross. +See that wasn't so bad. It was nothing. +It was nothing. Let's try it again, only this time I'm going to stick my tongue in your mouth. When I do that I want you to massage my tongue with yours. That's what first base is. +Let's try it again, only this time I'm going to stick my tongue in your mouth. When I do that I want you to massage my tongue with yours. That's what first base is. Okay. +Okay. Eyes closed. +That was cool. Maybe you should try it on your friend Ronald sometime. +Maybe you should try it on your friend Ronald sometime. What are you saying? +What are you saying? Oh come on Cecile. He's crazy about you. +Oh come on Cecile. He's crazy about you. Is it that obvious? +That's so romantic. Have you responded? No. +No. Well do you like him? +Well do you like him? I don't know. +I don't know. Cecile, we just made out in the middle of Central Park. You can trust me. +Cecile, we just made out in the middle of Central Park. You can trust me. I do like him. I can't stop thinking about him. +Listen to me. Your mother must never know. Never. Okay. +Okay. Did you hide the letters? +Did you hide the letters? Yes. They're in this antique doll house in my room. +Yes. They're in this antique doll house in my room. I want you to make me copies of his letters and bring them to me. +I want you to make me copies of his letters and bring them to me. Why? +Why? Cecile if there's one thing I'm great at it's love letters. With my help, he'll be eating out of the palm of your hand. Perhaps we can arrange a little get together for the two of you at my house. +Cecile if there's one thing I'm great at it's love letters. With my help, he'll be eating out of the palm of your hand. Perhaps we can arrange a little get together for the two of you at my house. You'd do that for me? +You'd do that for me? Of course I would. We're friends, right? +Of course I would. We're friends, right? Best friends. +Who is it? It's Kathryn. +Calm down. Tell me what's wrong. Something awful happened last night. +Something awful happened last night. What do you mean?! +What do you mean?! I... I don't think you want to know. +I... I don't think you want to know. Cecile, you have to tell me. +Cecile, you have to tell me. It involves your brother. He... took advantage of me. +It involves your brother. He... took advantage of me. Does your mother know? +Does your mother know? If she knew, she'd kill me. It happened at your house last night. +If she knew, she'd kill me. It happened at your house last night. Why didn't you do something? +Why didn't you do something? I don't know. +I don't know. So, let me get this straight. You came over to our house late last night and he forced intercourse on you. +So, let me get this straight. You came over to our house late last night and he forced intercourse on you. Well... not exactly. +Well... not exactly. He made you give him a blow job. +He made you give him a blow job. No. +No. Well what then? +If that's what you call it. Cecile, I think you're going to have a hard time crying rape if that's all he did. +Cecile, I think you're going to have a hard time crying rape if that's all he did. What do I do then? +What do I do then? Well did you like it? +Well did you like it? Well... I don't know - it was weird. At first it felt icky, then it felt kind of okay. Then, I started getting really hot and then I started shaking and then like, I don't t know... it felt like an explosion, but a good one. +Cecile, you had an orgasm. I did? +I did? I'm so proud of you. You're becoming a woman. +I'm so proud of you. You're becoming a woman. I am? +Now listen. Now that you're on your way, it would be stupid of you to stop. Think of Sebastian as a tutor. Let him instruct you. I don't love him. I love Ronald. +I don't love him. I love Ronald. So? Don't you want to make Ronald a happy pappy? Practice makes perfect, Cecile. My advice is to sleep with as many people as possible. +So? Don't you want to make Ronald a happy pappy? Practice makes perfect, Cecile. My advice is to sleep with as many people as possible. But that would make me a slut. Wouldn't it? +But that would make me a slut. Wouldn't it? Cecile, everybody does it. It's just that nobody talks about it. +It's like a secret society. That's one way of looking at it. +That's one way of looking at it. Cool. +My father just took me on a trip to Australia. How are things down under? Blossoming I hope. +What year are you in? I'm what you would call a fifth year senior. +I'm what you would call a fifth year senior. But I thought high school is only four years. +But I thought high school is only four years. It is, unless you're a fuck up, like myself. +Excellent. You think he'll like it? +You think he'll like it? He'll love it. +What are you doing? Just taking your photo. +Just taking your photo. I look terrible. +I look terrible. Mmmm, you're right. Those clothes don't do you justice. Why don't you take them off. +I'm sorry that was out of line. I want to go home. +I want to go home. I was just kidding. +I was just kidding. I want to go home. +Okay, okay. I'll just call your mom and have her come pick you up. My mom? Don't call my mom. +My mom? Don't call my mom. Why not? ... Oh wow, she doesn't know you're here. In fact, you're grounded. Jesus, you could get in a shitload of trouble for this. I think I should call her anyway. +Please please please. I'll do anything. Just don't call my mom. Cecile, all I want to do is give you a kiss. +Cecile, all I want to do is give you a kiss. And then I can go home? +And then I can go home? Of course. I'm not a monster. +Just a kiss, right? I swear. +What are you doing? You promised to let me kiss you. +You promised to let me kiss you. But - +But - I don't want to kiss you here. I want to kiss you there. +Want to join me? Some other time, Cecile. +Am I suppose to be this sore? For the first time, yes. It'll pass. +I like it better when I'm on top. Cecile. This is what I like to call quiet time. This is time when we reflect on what we've done. +Cecile. This is what I like to call quiet time. This is time when we reflect on what we've done. I'm sorry. +You think? Is it me? +Is it me? No, you were fine. +Where are you going? I'm taking a shower. +I'm taking a shower. Need any company? +Need any company? No. +No. Want a blow job? +Want a blow job? Good night Cecile. +Good night Cecile. Prude. +Jesus. We've been at this for six months. I know. +I know. And you haven't made an ounce of progress. +And you haven't made an ounce of progress. I know. +But you said you have the worst reputation. I do. +I do. Don't you want to change that? +Don't you want to change that? "Let me tell you something, doctor. Chicks love a guy with a bad rap. They say they don't, but they don't mean it. They all think that they're the ones that are going to ""save me."" The trick is to let them think it's true." +"Let me tell you something, doctor. Chicks love a guy with a bad rap. They say they don't, but they don't mean it. They all think that they're the ones that are going to ""save me."" The trick is to let them think it's true." I think that's all the time we have for today. +I think that's all the time we have for today. Same time next week? +Same time next week? No. This is going to be our last session. +No. This is going to be our last session. Why? I like spending time with you. You know, you're quite attractive for a woman your age. You have killer legs. Killer. +Why? I like spending time with you. You know, you're quite attractive for a woman your age. You have killer legs. Killer. This isn't a joke. Your parents spend a lot of money to send you here. I'm trying to help you. +This isn't a joke. Your parents spend a lot of money to send you here. I'm trying to help you. Don't be insecure, Doc. You're a big help. +You think you can come in here with that cute little smirk on your face and try and flirt with me. It doesn't work, Sebastian. It works a little. +It works a little. No it doesn't. I see right through you. +No it doesn't. I see right through you. You do? +You do? I hope for your sake you grow out of this immature phase. It's going to get you into trouble. +I hope for your sake you grow out of this immature phase. It's going to get you into trouble. Well, you don't have to get nasty about it. +My daughter, Rachel. Yummy. +Yummy. Don't even think about it. Rachel is an exceptionally well rounded young woman, who happens to be attending Princeton this fall. She's way too smart to fall for your line of b.s. +Don't even think about it. Rachel is an exceptionally well rounded young woman, who happens to be attending Princeton this fall. She's way too smart to fall for your line of b.s. Really? Care to make a wager on that? +Really? Care to make a wager on that? Good luck, Sebastian. +Good luck, Sebastian. What, nervous I'm going to win? +What, nervous I'm going to win? Would you please leave. +Hi, mom. Honey, is something wrong? +He told me he loved me and I believed him. Who told you? +Who told you? You don't know him. I'm so stupid. +Alright honey, just calm down, take a deep breath, and step out of the circle. Would you cut the psycho babble bullshit, mom. There's pictures of me on the internet. +Nudie pictures, what do you think? Jesus Christ, how can you be so stupid? +Jesus Christ, how can you be so stupid? I don't know. He was just so charming. All he did was talk about how I had killer legs and how we wanted to photograph them. Things just got out of hand from there. Mom? Are you there? Mom? Mother!!!! +Oh baby... oh baby... Baby? Right on time. +Hey Blaine, did I leave my... holy shit. Jesus! +Greg, is that you under the covers? Get out of here. +Whoa! I told you to lock the door. +-- really drunk and blah blah blah blah blah. Please don't tell anyone. This could ruin my career. +Please don't tell anyone. This could ruin my career. Your career? What about your family? Can you imagine the humiliation your father's going to feel when he finds out his pride and joy is a fudge- packer. +Annette Harrison? I don't know what you're talking about. Come on Greg. You're the only one who knows her. The truth will save you. +Come on Greg. You're the only one who knows her. The truth will save you. I swear on my life, I never said a word to her about you. +Positive. Did you do everything I asked you to? +Did you do everything I asked you to? Yes. +Yes. You told her I never said I love you before? +You told her I never said I love you before? Yes! +Yes! You told her that people are jealous cause I'm loaded? +You told her that people are jealous cause I'm loaded? Yes! +Yes! And you think she bought it? +And you think she bought it? I'm pretty sure she did. +I'm pretty sure she did. Pretty sure or sure sure? +Pretty sure or sure sure? She bought it. +She bought it. I'll be in touch. +Is she with you? Who is this? +Who is this? Sebastian, you faggot. Is she with you? +Sebastian, you faggot. Is she with you? No. +No. Where is she?! +Where is she?! I don't know. Why don't you leave her alone. +I don't know. Why don't you leave her alone. McConnell, I'm gonna out your ass in two seconds if you don't tell me where she is. +McConnell, I'm gonna out your ass in two seconds if you don't tell me where she is. I told you I don't know. +I told you I don't know. One. +One. Alright. She's staying with some friends of her parents. The O'Sheas. She caught the train twenty minutes ago into Grand Central. +Alright. She's staying with some friends of her parents. The O'Sheas. She caught the train twenty minutes ago into Grand Central. Grand Central. You better not be fucking with me cause it's your ass on the line. +Pleased to meet you. Likewise I'm sure. +What do you do? Tell her you love her. But I can't even see her. She doesn't have her own phone, I don't even know her e-mail address. +Hello. Ronald? +Ronald? Yeah? +Yeah? It's Kathryn. +Hi Kathryn. Is everything okay? No. +What's wrong? It's Sebastian. He's out of his mind. +It's Sebastian. He's out of his mind. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I think he's high on drugs. He hit me, then took off. I'm afraid to be alone. Please come over. +I think he's high on drugs. He hit me, then took off. I'm afraid to be alone. Please come over. I'll be right there. +"And when I confronted him about his affair with Cecile he told me it was none of my business. Then when I said ""Well what about Ronald,"" he said you were nothing more than a stupid... the n word and that you deserved what you got..." And this happened before you and I hooked up? +And this happened before you and I hooked up? It's been going on for a while. Then he called me a disgrace to our family and that's when he hit me. +It's been going on for a while. Then he called me a disgrace to our family and that's when he hit me. Racist piece of shit. +Racist piece of shit. I'd be careful if I were you. God knows what he's up to. +I'd be careful if I were you. God knows what he's up to. He doesn't scare me. I'll kick his ass in. +He doesn't scare me. I'll kick his ass in. Will you stay here for the night? You can leave in the morning. That's when my parents get back and -- +Will you stay here for the night? You can leave in the morning. That's when my parents get back and -- Don't worry about it. I'll stay. +Cecile's attending Oakwood in the fall. Outstanding. +Do you care to tell me what Mrs. White-trash and her stupid daughter are doing in my house? I'm just taking the poor girl under my wing. +Lovely. How is your gold digging whore of a mother enjoying Bali? Zipping through my inheritance per usual? Hopefully, though she suspects that your decrepit alcoholic father is diddling the maid. +Oh, poor baby. Well you can relax. I have a mission for you. What? +Sorry. In any event, my feelings were hurt when I learned that he had fallen for someone else. Someone chaste... pure... innocent. +In any event, my feelings were hurt when I learned that he had fallen for someone else. Someone chaste... pure... innocent. You don't mean? +I don't find this very funny, So that's what this is all about. We'll get together and plan your curriculum. +So that's what this is all about. We'll get together and plan your curriculum. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. When I get through with her, she'll be the premier Blow Job Queen of the Tri-State area and poor little Court's heart will be shattered. +Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. When I get through with her, she'll be the premier Blow Job Queen of the Tri-State area and poor little Court's heart will be shattered. Why go through Cecile? Why not just attack Court? +Why go through Cecile? Why not just attack Court? Because if there's an attack made on Court it could be traced back to me. I can't allow that to happen. Everybody loves me and I intend to keep it that way. +Because if there's an attack made on Court it could be traced back to me. I can't allow that to happen. Everybody loves me and I intend to keep it that way. I see your point... though why should I care? +I see your point... though why should I care? I need you to seduce our young Cecile. Introduce her to your world of decadence and debauchery. +I need you to seduce our young Cecile. Introduce her to your world of decadence and debauchery. Sounds intriguing. +Sounds intriguing. She's quite cute you know. Young supple breasts, a tight firm ass and an uncharted pootie. +Why not? "Oh come on, Kathryn. It's too easy. ""But I thought high school was only four years."" I mean, please. She knows nothing. She's seen nothing. I could have her under the table at Au Bar sucking me off before the appetizer arrived. Go get one of those moron friends of yours to do it. I have a reputation to uphold." +"Oh come on, Kathryn. It's too easy. ""But I thought high school was only four years."" I mean, please. She knows nothing. She's seen nothing. I could have her under the table at Au Bar sucking me off before the appetizer arrived. Go get one of those moron friends of yours to do it. I have a reputation to uphold." Oh but diddling the therapist's daughter is a challenge? +Oh but diddling the therapist's daughter is a challenge? That was just simple revenge. What I have planned requires sheer genius. +I'm not interested in the latest dating tips from Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Shut up and turn to page 64. +Jesus Christ, is she for real? Oh yes. I've read it over and over again. This baby's the real deal. Daddy's little angel. A paradigm of chastity and virtue. +Oh yes. I've read it over and over again. This baby's the real deal. Daddy's little angel. A paradigm of chastity and virtue. B.F.D. What do you plan to do? Fly to Kansas and woo little Dorothy. +B.F.D. What do you plan to do? Fly to Kansas and woo little Dorothy. It just so happens we're not in Kansas anymore. Our little angel's father has accepted the new headmaster position at Oakwood. She's staying with my aunt up in Connecticut while Daddy sells his house. Can you imagine what this would do for my reputation? Screwing the new headmaster's virginal daughter before school starts? It will be my greatest victory. +It just so happens we're not in Kansas anymore. Our little angel's father has accepted the new headmaster position at Oakwood. She's staying with my aunt up in Connecticut while Daddy sells his house. Can you imagine what this would do for my reputation? Screwing the new headmaster's virginal daughter before school starts? It will be my greatest victory. You don't stand a chance. Even this is out of your league. +You don't stand a chance. Even this is out of your league. Care to make a wager on that? +Care to make a wager on that? I'll think about it... +I'll think about it... Oh well, duty calls. Time to add another chapter to my work of art. +Oh gee, your journal. Could you be more queer? Could you be more desperate to read it? +What are the terms? If you lose, then that hot little Porsche of yours is mine. +If you lose, then that hot little Porsche of yours is mine. And if I win? +I'll give you something you've been jerking off about ever since our parents got married. Be more specific. +Be more specific. In English. I'll fuck your brains out. +In English. I'll fuck your brains out. What makes you think I'd go for that bet? That's a seventy thousand dollar car. +What makes you think I'd go for that bet? That's a seventy thousand dollar car. Because I'm the only person you can't control and it kills you. +You can put it anywhere. Even there? +Even there? It would feel so yummy. +Fuck her yet? I'm working on it. +I'm working on it. Loser. +Loser. Blow me. +Blow me. Call me later. +Call me later. Okay. +You would not believe what-- Shhh. +What's wrong with you? You ready for this? I've recently discovered that our good friend Mrs. Caldwell is the one who sent the letter to Annette urging her to stay away from me. +You ready for this? I've recently discovered that our good friend Mrs. Caldwell is the one who sent the letter to Annette urging her to stay away from me. Interesting. +Interesting. I now plan to devote all my energies to destroying the douche bag. Any luck corrupting her daughter? +I now plan to devote all my energies to destroying the douche bag. Any luck corrupting her daughter? No. +No. Call Cecile up and get her to come over. I'll bust that cherry in a heartbeat. +The plot thickens. It appears that Cecile has fallen for her music teacher. Ooo, I'm sure Mrs. Caldwell will love that. +Ooo, I'm sure Mrs. Caldwell will love that. Not to mention Court Reynolds. Unfortunately, Ronald's moving with the speed of a Special Olympic Bobsledder. +Not to mention Court Reynolds. Unfortunately, Ronald's moving with the speed of a Special Olympic Bobsledder. What's your plan of attack? +What's your plan of attack? I rat Cecile out to mommy. Mommy goes ballistic and ends their relationship. Boo hoo. +I rat Cecile out to mommy. Mommy goes ballistic and ends their relationship. Boo hoo. But who will they turn to for help? +I'm at your service. Thank you. Mmmm, that feels good. +Thank you. Mmmm, that feels good. Oh sis. You're so tense. +I hate when things don't go my way. It makes me so horny. I hate it too. +Moving along quite well. Have you succeeded in your task? +Have you succeeded in your task? Any day now. +Any day now. Well, let me know when you do. Until then. +Who are you calling? Cecile. +Before we go through with this, I just want you to be aware of the damage we're going to cause. I'm aware. +Are you really? I mean, we've done some pretty fucked up shit in our time but this... I mean, we're destroying an innocent girl. You do realize that. What is that? Oh my God, it's your conscience. +You amaze me. "Eat me, Sebastian. It's alright for you to fuck everyone, but because I'm a girl it's wrong. Well let me tell you something, I didn't ask to be a girl. Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine twenty four seven, so I can be considered a ""laaaady."" Do you think I take great delight when I hear - ""Kathryn is so wonderful."" ""Kathryn is a model child."" ""Kathryn is going to make an excellent wife one day."" I'm the Marsha fucking Brady of the upper East Side and sometimes I want to kill myself for it. No, I don't enjoy being a part of the weaker sex and for that reason everyone around me is going to suffer. So there's your psychoanalysis Doctor Freud. Now are you in or are you out?" +I just had a nice chat with Cecile. I don't think she'll be giving you anymore problems. Yippy. +Yippy. Who are you spying on? +Who are you spying on? Take a look for yourself. +That her? Yeah. +Yeah. Jesus, she reeks of Laura Ashley. Oh, she's crying. Wittle baby's upset by the big bad book. +Shut up. What's your problem? +What's your problem? Nothing. +Nothing. She's really getting to you, isn't she? +She's really getting to you, isn't she? If you must know, yes. I don't know what to do. I can't stand that holier than thou bullshit and yet, I'm completely infatuated with her. She made me laugh. +If you must know, yes. I don't know what to do. I can't stand that holier than thou bullshit and yet, I'm completely infatuated with her. She made me laugh. And that's why you're losing your bet? +And that's why you're losing your bet? I'm not losing the bet. It's just taking longer than I expected. +I'm not losing the bet. It's just taking longer than I expected. Do you mind if I take my new Porsche for a ride? +Do you mind if I take my new Porsche for a ride? Kathryn, the only thing you're going to be riding is me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do. +Morning! Morning. +Morning. So? How'd it go last night? +So? How'd it go last night? With who? +With who? Well I know how it went with Cecile. She won't shut up about it. How'd it go with Mrs. Jesus? +If your asking if I nailed her the answer is no. She shot you down. +She shot you down. Exactly the opposite. +Exactly the opposite. So what went wrong? +So what went wrong? I don't know. She was lying on the bed, ready to do it, but I-- I don't, I was... I just didn't feel right about it. +I don't know. She was lying on the bed, ready to do it, but I-- I don't, I was... I just didn't feel right about it. You're telling me you had the chance to fuck her and you didn't. God are you a chump. +You're telling me you had the chance to fuck her and you didn't. God are you a chump. A momentary lapse of judgment, soon to be rectified. +If you're heading towards her room, you won't find her. Where is she? +Where is she? You don't know? She left thirty minutes ago. +You don't know? She left thirty minutes ago. Where'd she go? +Where'd she go? She wouldn't say. She apologized to your aunt and told her she was going to stay with some friends. You blew it, Sebastian. That girl has come to her senses and she will never go near you again. +Bad time? Kind of. +Kind of. Well, you obviously wanted me to witness your little adventure or else you wouldn't have invited me in. +You didn't? Oh yes. +Oh yes. Tell me all the details. +Tell me all the details. It was... Fantastic. +It was... Fantastic. Oh come on. For her first time? +Oh come on. For her first time? I know. That's the amazing part of it. I mean, it wasn't like Cirque du Soleil acrobatics, just standard missionary stuff, but it was... ah forget it. I'm going to sound like a Hallmark card. +I know. That's the amazing part of it. I mean, it wasn't like Cirque du Soleil acrobatics, just standard missionary stuff, but it was... ah forget it. I'm going to sound like a Hallmark card. No, tell me. +No, tell me. It was... it was like the emotional part outweighed the physical part. +It was... it was like the emotional part outweighed the physical part. Wow. So you made love. Ooo, I hear the birds chirping. +Wow. So you made love. Ooo, I hear the birds chirping. Mock, mock, mock. +Some other time. Excuse me? +Excuse me? I'm not in the mood. +I'm not in the mood. And that's why you're leaving? +And that's why you're leaving? It clearly is why. +It clearly is why. I want to fuck. +I want to fuck. And I don't. +Oh my God. You're completely p-whipped. No, I'm not. +No, I'm not. P-whipped, p-whipped. +P-whipped, p-whipped. What's wrong with you? Why are you acting this way? +I'm sorry. It's just upsetting. You're in love with her. You don't love me anymore. Oh come on, Kathryn, it was just a contest. +Oh come on, Kathryn, it was just a contest. At first it was, but now it's become something bigger. +At first it was, but now it's become something bigger. Kathryn, you know I love you. I've always loved you. +Kathryn, you know I love you. I've always loved you. Not anymore you don't. It's obvious. +Not anymore you don't. It's obvious. I can't believe you're reacting this way. You're just saying this because you lost the bet. +I can't believe you're reacting this way. You're just saying this because you lost the bet. Is that what you think? +That's not fair. You're taking all the fun out of it. Then do me a favor and get rid of her. If not for me, then do it for you. Look at yourself. You're a joke. She's turned you into jelly. What do you want to be, one of those losers who walk down the halls holding hands and smiling. People used to respect you. They feared you and now you're going to throw that all away. +Why so nervous? I've never done this before. +I've never done this before. How have you dumped girls in the past? +How have you dumped girls in the past? Screening calls. Any suggestions? +Screening calls. Any suggestions? "I knew this guy last summer in the Hamptons. He and his girlfriend at the time were madly in love with each other. But she had this huge weight problem. His friends taunted him mercilessly about it. You know, ""How do you breathe when she sits on your face?"" ""It's embarrassing for you to be seen with her."" Finally he couldn't take it anymore and decided to dump her. She flipped and he went on the defensive. I distinctly remember him saying the same thing over and over again. ""I'm completely fucked up."" ""I'm completely fucked up."" ""I'm completely fucked up."" Poor fatty never had a chance." +A little melodramatic, don't you think. I have a flair for drama. +I have a flair for drama. Mind if I ask what you're doing in my room? +Mind if I ask what you're doing in my room? You wanted an answer to your question. +You wanted an answer to your question. Annette? +Devastated beyond repair. I doubt she'll ever trust a man again. Well done. +I thought we should celebrate. I'd love to, but unfortunately I'm expecting some company. +I'd love to, but unfortunately I'm expecting some company. Ronald? +Ronald? Not that it's any of your business but yes. +Well done. Thank you. Now, where were we? +To my triumph, of course. Not my choice of toast, but it's your call. To your triumph over Annette. +Silly rabbit. My triumph isn't over her. It's over you. Come again? +Come again? You were very much in love with her and you're still in love with her. But it amused me to make you ashamed of it. You gave up on the first person you ever loved because I called you names. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered that you chose me over her, but please understand, I never loved you, Sebastian. You're just a toy. A little toy I play with. And now you've completely blown it with her. I think that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Cheers. +In any event, you still owe me my reward. I'm sorry, but unfortunately I don't fuck losers. +Get off me! Will you calm down? +Will you calm down? Fine! Get off me! +I'm very sorry about that. I apologize. I accept. Now get out. +I accept. Now get out. Get out? We had an arrangement. +Get out? We had an arrangement. Didn't you hear what I said? +Didn't you hear what I said? I don't care what you said, we had an agreement. You've slept with half of the borough so don't tell me you're being choosy. +I don't care what you said, we had an agreement. You've slept with half of the borough so don't tell me you're being choosy. Get out! +Get out! I'm giving you to the count of three to plop your ass down on the bed. +I'm giving you to the count of three to plop your ass down on the bed. And if I don't? +And if I don't? Then I will consider it a declaration of war. One. Two... three. +Then I will consider it a declaration of war. One. Two... three. I think you have your answer. +I think you have your answer. War it is. +I can't tell you how happy we are that Cecile is going to be attending Oakwood with you this fall. You've always been an inspiration to Beau and I on raising her. We just hope she can rise to the high standards which you've set for her. I'll do my best. +You're too kind. How do you do it? I mean with all peer pressuring that goes on in high school. Where do you get your strength? +How do you do it? I mean with all peer pressuring that goes on in high school. Where do you get your strength? I know this sounds corny, but whenever I feel temptations of peer pressure, I... turn to God and he helps me through the problem. Call me an anachronism, but it works. +I know this sounds corny, but whenever I feel temptations of peer pressure, I... turn to God and he helps me through the problem. Call me an anachronism, but it works. That's beautiful. +Don't worry, it's totally understandable. Most of the boys that matriculate at Oakwood are very upstanding gentleman, however there are the occasional bad apples. Like your step-brother Sebastian. I can't believe they didn't expel him after what he did to the school nurse. +I got your message and came as quick as I could. I hope I didn't keep you from something. +I hope I didn't keep you from something. Not at all. What's wrong? +Not at all. What's wrong? It's Cecile. +It's Cecile. What about her? +What about her? Well... you promise you won't say anything to her. We've developed a friendship and... +Well... you promise you won't say anything to her. We've developed a friendship and... Kathryn, you have my word. It isn't drugs is it? +Kathryn, you have my word. It isn't drugs is it? It's worse. I think there's something going on between Cecile and her music teacher. +It's worse. I think there's something going on between Cecile and her music teacher. Ronald? That's crazy. +Ronald? That's crazy. I know. She's so young and he's so - +I know. She's so young and he's so - Black. +I can't thank you enough. You will be discreet about this? +You will be discreet about this? Absolutely. +Let me get that for you. Oh please. I can't have you do that. +Oh please. I can't have you do that. It's the least I can do. +Who the hell do you think you are?! Excuse me. +Excuse me. I'm paying you to give cello lessons. Not to pervert my child. +I'm paying you to give cello lessons. Not to pervert my child. Mrs. Caldwell I think you're misunderstanding something. +Mrs. Caldwell I think you're misunderstanding something. Is that so? +Got me off the streets? I live on 59th and Park. Whatever. You are never to set foot in this house again and you are never and I mean never to see my daughter again. Is that understood?! +First of all, maam, I never touched your daughter and second, I would like to think that in these times someone of your status could look beyond racial lines. Oh don't give me any of that racist crap. My husband and I gave money to Colin Powell. +Oh don't give me any of that racist crap. My husband and I gave money to Colin Powell. I guess that puts me in my place. Thank you for the hospitality Mrs. Caldwell. It was a true awakening. +Hi. Is Annette at home? You must be Sebastian. I've heard such nice things about you. +It's desperate that I talk to her. I've already told you, she's not home. +I've already told you, she's not home. Well please leave a message that I called. +Well please leave a message that I called. I'll do that. +What do you want? I need to talk to Annette. +I need to talk to Annette. She's not here. +She's not here. Do you know where she is? +Do you know where she is? She's out. +She's out. Do you know when she'll be back? +Do you know when she'll be back? Later. Listen, we're entertaining some guests so - +Later. Listen, we're entertaining some guests so - Annette! Annette! +Annette! Annette! Young man, I already told you she's not here. +Young man, I already told you she's not here. Fine. Could you please see that she gets this. +I'll do that. It's really important. +It's really important. I understand. Good night. +Did I ever tell you the time when my late husband sent me - Yes, you already did. +Yes, you already did. I did? +Right after we played backgammon. We played backgammon? +We played backgammon? Uh huh. You beat me three times. +Uh huh. You beat me three times. I did? +I did? Yep. Then I fucked your daughter. +Yep. Then I fucked your daughter. Excuse me? +I said, do you want some water? Oh... no thank you... +What time is it? Eight o'clock. You got to go. +Eight o'clock. You got to go. Did she show up? +Did she show up? Nope. +Nope. Do you mind if I check upstairs? +Do you mind if I check upstairs? I can't have you do that, nor can I have you hanging around the lobby all day. +I can't have you do that, nor can I have you hanging around the lobby all day. I understand. Thanks for letting me crash here. +I understand. Thanks for letting me crash here. Don't worry about it. +Wow. I never knew she had these kind of feelings. You're a lucky guy. +You're a lucky guy. She really loves me. +Ronald, e-mail's for geeks and pedophiles. Be romantic. Write her another letter. How will I get to her? +Hey Ronald. It seems that you and I have some talking to do. +It seems that you and I have some talking to do. Can we do it later. I've had a really bad night and - +Where the hell do you come off hitting women? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Kathryn. Did you hit her? +Kathryn. Did you hit her? Kathryn? Oh Christ, she got to you too? +Kathryn? Oh Christ, she got to you too? Did you hit her? +Did you hit her? Ronald, you don't know what you're talking about. +Ronald, you don't know what you're talking about. Don't know what I'm talking about? I know that you fucked Cecile. +Ronald, I'm sorry. You bastard! +to a situation) Really, Mr. Reed, there isn't anything to worry about. It was only a slap -- That's exactly what I told Mr. Reed, but he insisted upon remaining home from business to talk to you, Miss Callahan. +I'm so glad to have met you at last. You're just as nice as Amy told me you were. I hope you'll come to see us. I'd love to. +Oh, hello. Hello. I just met Amy and she pointed out where you live. +Oliver's pet, I'm sure it would be the first thing he'd grab if we ever had a fire. I know how it is. My Dad collects miniature canon. +But it is a part of our lives too --a part of our past, It's a Goya reproduction. Those three cats -- are supposed to be the most beautifully drawn cats in Western art. But you don't keep a cat, do you? +But you don't keep a cat, do you? We don't even like them, I've often thought of giving it away, but Oliver wouldn't stand for it. It was his first wife's favorite picture. She was an artist. +We don't even like them, I've often thought of giving it away, but Oliver wouldn't stand for it. It was his first wife's favorite picture. She was an artist. I didn't know Mr. Reed had been married before. +I didn't know Mr. Reed had been married before. Yes. As a matter of fact, I was on the point of telling you about it yesterday — about Oliver's first marriage — and his wife's death. It has so much to do with Amy — although he'll never realize it. +That the old actress -- Julia Farren? Yes, She's a little odd, I understand. +Yes, She's a little odd, I understand. But quite harmless, I'm sure. +Does she go up to the Farren's often? No. I only let her go with Edward. It's alright. +I love the smell of pine. It's one of the clearest memories I have. Twelfth night...burning pine... and mummers' plays. +It's one of the clearest memories I have. Twelfth night...burning pine... and mummers' plays. It's been ages since I've even thought of a mummers' play. When I was in college we used to do them every year — St. George and the Dragon, all kinds of sword dances. +Forgive me, but it was superstition ...foolish, childish wishes...that started, all this. What do you mean? +What do you mean? I can see it all...the very day it began. Amy was lonely; she was desperate for friendship. I remember the night she told me she had wished on her ring. That must have been the day she first wished for a friend. +It's perfectly normal for a child to dream. I can see how a sensitive little girl, finding this portrait, would take the image of this woman and make of her an imaginary friend. That image dwells only in her imagination, and that image can go as quickly as it was born. How? +How? Once the emptiness in Amy's life is filled, the dream will go of itself. If a up to you, both of you. Only you two can bring her into a real world.. You must give her the friendship and love she craves. +You get your wish! You know what I wished, Daddy? I wished I could be a good girl. +But Edward, in this kind of a wish that doesn't matter. I can make wishes like this come true. I'll be just like Daddy wants me to be -- play with the other children -- not sit around by myself — tell the truth -- +What are saying, darling? I wasn't saying anything. I was singing. +I wasn't saying anything. I was singing. I suppose any note, no matter how sour, is a song if you hold on to it long enough. +What song, dear? The song I was trying to hum. The song my friend, taught me. +The song I was trying to hum. The song my friend, taught me. Oh, you'll remember it some time. +Mommy -- Yes, darling. +Yes, darling. Did you ever make a wish? +Did you ever make a wish? Oh, lots of times. +Oh, lots of times. Did your wishes ever come true? +Did your wishes ever come true? Sometimes. +Sometimes. I made a wish today, and it came true just like Edward said it would. +Where did you get this ring? That's what I wished on. Edward says it's a wishing ring -- and it is! +That's what I wished on. Edward says it's a wishing ring -- and it is! But where did you get it, Amy? +But where did you get it, Amy? At the old house with the voice. +Someone gave it to you? Where was this old house? On the back street — a green house +On the back street — a green house The Farren house +The Farren house Do you know the people? +Do you know the people? No dear. I don't know them, but I've heard about them. +No dear. I don't know them, but I've heard about them. Are they nice? +Are they nice? I really don't know, but I do know that you must return the ring. You get Edward to take you up there and bring it back to the old lady. +Well — the mother or daughter -- whichever one gave it to you. You ask Edward to go with you. I got my wish anyway. +I got my wish anyway. You mustn't tell anybody, or it won't come true. +You mustn't tell anybody, or it won't come true. But it's already come true. +But it's already come true. Sh! Then you must keep it true. Goodnight, darling. +Edward will give you your breakfast, Amy. I had my breakfast while you were still asleep. +Where'd you get this, darling? It was right there on top. Isn't she pretty? +It was right there on top. Isn't she pretty? She was very pretty. +She was very pretty. What's her name? +What's her name? Irena. +Irena. Irena. +Irena. Look! Why don't you run out and play? The sun's shining. +Look! Why don't you run out and play? The sun's shining. All right, mommy. +Oh, thank you, darling. You can't open it yet. You have to put all of them under the tree until morning. +Mommy, could Edward take me to Mrs. Farren's house to give her her present? Wouldn't it be just the same, darling, if daddy dropped the present at Mrs. Farren's on his way to town tomorrow morning? +Wouldn't it be just the same, darling, if daddy dropped the present at Mrs. Farren's on his way to town tomorrow morning? But it won't be Christmas tomorrow. +But it won't be Christmas tomorrow. All right, Amy. Go tell Edward to take you. +Well, it shows imagination, anyhow. I wonder if you don't resent that in her? +I wonder if you don't resent that in her? I'm sure I don't, Alice. It's something else -- something moody -- something sickly -- She could almost be Irena's child. +I'd hate her to grow up like that. She's not Irena's child -- there's nothing of Irena in her. She's my child. +All I have to do is look at Amy's eyes, blue and deep like yours. I'm not a jealous woman, Oliver. +I'm not a jealous woman, Oliver. I know that. +I know that. That's why I can tell you, straight out, you think too much about Irena -- blame yourself for her death. And its your thinking and brooding about her that makes you so unnaturally concerned about Amy. +That's why I can tell you, straight out, you think too much about Irena -- blame yourself for her death. And its your thinking and brooding about her that makes you so unnaturally concerned about Amy. No. It's not that. It's because I know what can happen when people begin to lie to themselves -- imagine things. I love Amy too much to let her lose herself in a dream world where butterflies become pals. I saw what happened to Irena with her Cat People. +No. It's not that. It's because I know what can happen when people begin to lie to themselves -- imagine things. I love Amy too much to let her lose herself in a dream world where butterflies become pals. I saw what happened to Irena with her Cat People. I know, dear. I understand. But try to worry a little less about her -- be a little easier in your thinking. And especially today — let's forget about it. We want a really bang-up birthday party, don't we? +I know, dear. I understand. But try to worry a little less about her -- be a little easier in your thinking. And especially today — let's forget about it. We want a really bang-up birthday party, don't we? "You make me sound like the father in ""East Lynne.""" +"You make me sound like the father in ""East Lynne.""" Darling, no father could be nicer to a child than you are to Amy. +Why don't you take off your hat and stay awhile? I forgot I had it on. +Where is everybody? It's early yet. +It's early yet. It's nearly a quarter after four. The party was for four, wasn't it? +It's nearly a quarter after four. The party was for four, wasn't it? Yes, darling, +Yes, darling, Gosh, in my day kids arrived at birthday parties before anybody was ready for them, +Gosh, in my day kids arrived at birthday parties before anybody was ready for them, Times have changed. +Oilie, that's for the children to play with. No kids yet. Something's gone wrong. Maybe I ought to call somebody. +No kids yet. Something's gone wrong. Maybe I ought to call somebody. All right, Ollie. Go ahead. Call the Boyds...3000W...see if their darling Donald has left. +All right, Ollie. Go ahead. Call the Boyds...3000W...see if their darling Donald has left. I think I should. 3000W? +I think I should. 3000W? That's right. +Something's haywire, What do you mean? +What do you mean? I called not only the Boyds but the Irvings. Neither of them received invitations. +I called not only the Boyds but the Irvings. Neither of them received invitations. But they must have. Amy and I made them out together. You mailed them, didn't you, Edward? +My, my, what a coil we're in! What's this all about? Amy's been lying again. +Did you hear the child out? Well, it seemed to me -- +Well, it seemed to me -- You mean you didn't. It seems to me the least you could do. You can't just jump at conclusions that way. You're being unfair. +You mean you didn't. It seems to me the least you could do. You can't just jump at conclusions that way. You're being unfair. I'm never unfair. +I'm never unfair. You're shouting at me. +You're shouting at me. I'm not shouting at you, but there's no doubt in my mind that you spoil this child! +What is it, Alice? I thought Amy was calling. I guess not. +Ollie. What? +What? It's your play. +It's your play. I'm sorry. I was somewhere else. He returns to the card game. +I haven't had my breakfast. Well, you know where it is. +Where did you get it? Amy picked it off the top of that stack. Perhaps you'd better go through the whole bunch. There may be others of Irena in there. +Some day I'm afraid we're going to have to tell her about Irena. I suppose so. +What's funny? That darn kid. I never in my life expected her to get an A in arithmetic. Math's is a practical science --- if she understands figures, she's well out of her own world of make-believe. +Oliver, please. Let's not go on with this. The child's trembling. We've got to go on. Amy, here, all this time, you've let your mother and father think you had forgotten that old dream life of yours. Now we find you've only kept it secret. +I thought you were with Amy. No, she went runnin' off to some old house she was talkin' about yesterday. +No, she went runnin' off to some old house she was talkin' about yesterday. That's the Farren house. +That's the Farren house. Is that where she got the ring, Mrs. Reed? She shouldn't be up there. +Is that where she got the ring, Mrs. Reed? She shouldn't be up there. But I told her to go with you. +But I told her to go with you. She said something about that, Mrs. Reed — but she didn't tell me it was the Farren house. I'll get my other hat and coat and go over there. +She said something about that, Mrs. Reed — but she didn't tell me it was the Farren house. I'll get my other hat and coat and go over there. You do that, Edward. +It's late, Mommy -- you haven't forgotten my birthday party. Your birthday, Amy -- as she goes) -- and I have something for you in my locker. A present. +Your birthday, Amy -- as she goes) -- and I have something for you in my locker. A present. Mommy's having a party for me. I asked Robert, and Donald, and Lois -- +Hello, Amy. Are you coming to see us. Miss Callahan? +Are you coming to see us. Miss Callahan? No, darling, I hadn't intended to. +No, darling, I hadn't intended to. I live right here. +I live right here. Maybe I'll drop in and see your Mommy. +I got lots of presents. And you should. Your mommy tells me you've been such a good girl, and your daddy is so pleased with you. +Is that my birthday cake? May I see? You'll see it when it's all lit and ready for you. +Amy, you remember the party invitations Edward, gave you to mail? Yes, daddy. +Yes, daddy. Did you mail then? +Did you mail then? Yes, I did. +Yes, I did. Where did you mail them? +Where did you mail them? I'll show you. +Amy, not that old tree! Yes, daddy. +Yes, daddy. But I told you about that so long ago; you couldn't have been more than three when I told you that tree was a magic mailbox. +But I told you about that so long ago; you couldn't have been more than three when I told you that tree was a magic mailbox. I didn't forget. +I didn't forget. But, Amy, that was just a story; it wasn't real. That tree's no mailbox. +Amy, make a wish. Wish real hard, and then blow out the candles, and your wish will come true. But wishes don't come true. +But wishes don't come true. Certain wishes do. +Certain wishes do. But you told me in the garden-- that the wish about the tree couldn't come true. +But you told me in the garden-- that the wish about the tree couldn't come true. But this is different. Go on blow, +What do you want. Amy? I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to tell you about the other children. +I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to tell you about the other children. Can't you tell me later? +Can't you tell me later? But I didn't play with them, Daddy. They wouldn't play with me. +What do you mean you didn't play with the other children? It was on account of the birthday party. +It was on account of the birthday party. Because you didn't ask them? I don't blame them for being angry. Why didn't you explain what happened? +Because you didn't ask them? I don't blame them for being angry. Why didn't you explain what happened? They ran away. +They ran away. Why didn't you run after them? +Why didn't you run after them? I did. I came to an old dark house, and a voice called to me -- a lovely, sweet voice --- +Now Amy It's true. +It's true. And who did the voice belong to? +And who did the voice belong to? It was just a voice. +It was just a voice. Now look, this is the last time you come to me with any such stories — I'm sick of this sort of thing. +Now look, this is the last time you come to me with any such stories — I'm sick of this sort of thing. Daddy, it's true. +Daddy, it's true. Let me be the judge of that. +No, I didn't. Voices from an old dark house! +I'm sorry. Daddy and Mommy are a little upset. You're upset about me -- I made you fight --I hate for you to fight. +These are all from me. "This one says, ""To Mother from Amy.""" +Just you wait! And this one's for Mrs. Farren. +And this one's for Mrs. Farren. She gave me a ring, so I'm giving her a ring. I paid twenty-five cents for it, too. +She gave me a ring, so I'm giving her a ring. I paid twenty-five cents for it, too. This one hasn't got a name on it. Who's this one for, Amy? +Daddy! Yes, Amy? +Yes, Amy? Why, daddy, you know my friend too! +Amy, answer me. Why did you call her your friend? Because she is my friend. +It isn't a secret. She plays with me. She plays with me in the garden all the time. Right out there in the garden, she does! In the garden? Would she be there now? +In the garden? Would she be there now? She's there whenever I call her! +She's there, just like I said she'd be. Where, Amy? Where do you see her? +Where, Amy? Where do you see her? Don't you see her?...Right there, under the tree. +Amy, there's nothing there. There's no one at all in the garden. But Irena is in the garden. She's right there, under the tree. +But Irena is in the garden. She's right there, under the tree. Listen, darling. I want you to look once more. Take as long as you want. Look very carefully, and then I want you to tell me that no one's there. +Listen, darling. I want you to look once more. Take as long as you want. Look very carefully, and then I want you to tell me that no one's there. But... +But... I have eyes too, and I tell you no one's there. If you deny that, if you insist that this woman you call your friend is in the garden, then I'm afraid I shall have to punish you. Do you understand? +Yes, she was afraid. She said there was someone who wanted to kill me. But there's no one here, darling. +But there's no one here, darling. She's upstairs.. .the lady who lives up there. +Daddy? Yes, darling. +Yes, darling. Tell me tha real truth. You can see my friend, can't you? +What'd you get for Christmas? I don't know yet. +I don't know yet. My goodness, don't you open your presents until Christmas morning? +My goodness, don't you open your presents until Christmas morning? No. +No. We open ours on Christmas Eve. That's considered proper. +We open ours on Christmas Eve. That's considered proper. Well, I guess we're not a very proper family. +Who are you? You called me by my name. +You called me by my name. Irena. But who are you? +Irena. But who are you? I'm your friend. +I'm your friend. I've wanted a friend. +I've wanted a friend. I've wanted a friend too. I've been lonely. +I've wanted a friend too. I've been lonely. But where do you come from? +But where do you come from? You wouldn't understand. I come from great darkness and deep peace +You wouldn't understand. I come from great darkness and deep peace But where is that? +But where is that? I can not tell you. +I can not tell you. Will you be friend for always? +Will you be friend for always? For as long as you'll let me. +For as long as you'll let me. I shall want you for always. +I shall want you for always. For always, then. Only you must promise never to tell anyone about me +For always, then. Only you must promise never to tell anyone about me Not even Daddy...or Mommy? +Not even Daddy...or Mommy? No. This must be a friendship that only we shall have... you and I... Amy and her friend. +No. This must be a friendship that only we shall have... you and I... Amy and her friend. Oh, I like the sound of that.., Amy and her friend... Amy and her friend. +You'll always play with me? Whenever you want. +Can't you get it, darling? I'll just never learn arithmetic. +I'll just never learn arithmetic. But you must! +But you must! The numbers simply don't mean anything +The numbers simply don't mean anything Oh yes they do. Look. One is like a tall princess. +Oh yes they do. Look. One is like a tall princess. A princess? +A princess? Of course. And Two is the prince who kneels before her on one knee. +Of course. And Two is the prince who kneels before her on one knee. Yes, yes! I see Prince, +Yes, yes! I see Prince, That's right! +That's right! This is more fun than just pretend. +This is more fun than just pretend. Of course, +There's an oak leaf. Add a maple. That one's an elm. +That one's an elm. light shining) in her eyes) Throw sea weeds into the flames, and the fire turns blue! +light shining) in her eyes) Throw sea weeds into the flames, and the fire turns blue! But we don't have any sea weed. +But we don't have any sea weed. Pretend, darling. It's All Soul's Eve. Round about the fire we go... Over the flames we leapt +No, I don't think that's very much fun. Let's play house instead. You be the friend who comes to see me. I'll show you my children. Your children? +Your children? My dolls. We can pretend. +All right, Amy. Button your sweater, darling. It's turning cold. Yes, winter's coming. I don't like the winter, +Yes, winter's coming. I don't like the winter, Oh, but the winter's fun. There's the wind and the snow. You'll like the warm fire upon the hearth, and the long, long nights. +Merry Christmas, Irena. I brought you a present. Oh, thank you, Amy. +Oh, thank you, Amy. You can open it now, I guess. Lois Huggins says that's proper, +Oh, how beautiful! It reminded me of you, so I bought it. It cost me more than all the others. +It reminded me of you, so I bought it. It cost me more than all the others. I shall wear it in my hair! +I shall wear it in my hair! Oh, that is more beautiful than I ever imagined it! I wish I could show you to mommy and daddy. I wish you could enjoy Christmas with us. +Oh, that is more beautiful than I ever imagined it! I wish I could show you to mommy and daddy. I wish you could enjoy Christmas with us. You and I shall enjoy Christmas together. Shall I show you my Christmas gift to you? +You and I shall enjoy Christmas together. Shall I show you my Christmas gift to you? Oh, please! +Merry Christmas. A merry Christmas to you, Amy. +So beautiful, Irena. So beautiful. You wanted to share this moment with me. +You wanted to share this moment with me. It stands so still. +It stands so still. Because it knows it can move with the swiftness of strong wind. +Because it knows it can move with the swiftness of strong wind. I can sea its breath in the cold. +I can sea its breath in the cold. It's a warm breath -- warm and strong — warmed by the sunlight that shone on the deer's back in the hot summer; sweet with leaves and mosses. +It's a warm breath -- warm and strong — warmed by the sunlight that shone on the deer's back in the hot summer; sweet with leaves and mosses. May I pet the deer? +May I pet the deer? It is wildness and freedom. No one can touch it. +It is wildness and freedom. No one can touch it. I want to touch it. +It's you...Irena...my friend! Don't cry, Amy. +Don't cry, Amy. She's dead! I know what it is now when people say somebody died. I know what they mean! And I'm afraid. She's dead; she's dead! +You mustn't be afraid. But she's dead! +But she's dead! Amy, listen to me. Death isn't such a terrible thing. +Amy, listen to me. Death isn't such a terrible thing. Oh, it is, it is! Death's terrible. +Oh, it is, it is! Death's terrible. But, Amy! Amy...I'm dead. +You? Yes, Amy. +Yes, Amy. But why? +But why? Death's like life. Death's a part of life. It isn't frightening. It isn't the end of everything. It isn't quiet and nothingness. It's a part of all eternity. +Getting the yard all fixed up for your party, Amy. You'd better hurry and get yourself fixed up too. Mommy's taking me upstairs to change my dress right away. +Look at my ring. That's a fine-looking ring. +That's a fine-looking ring. A lady threw it to me. +A lady threw it to me. Most surely that was a nice lady to give a ring to a little girl. +Most surely that was a nice lady to give a ring to a little girl. It's a pretty ring. +It's a pretty ring. I wouldn't be surprised if it were a true wishing ring. +A ring that I can wish on like I wished on the candles? Maybe, if it's a real mourning ring like we have in Jamaica. All you got to do is turn it on your finger, close your eyes, and make a wish. +Maybe, if it's a real mourning ring like we have in Jamaica. All you got to do is turn it on your finger, close your eyes, and make a wish. the ring up to him) What's a mourning ring? +the ring up to him) What's a mourning ring? They're given to the living in memory of the dead. If this is a real one -- I can't be sure -- you can make a wish, and it will come true in the twinkling of an eye. +They're given to the living in memory of the dead. If this is a real one -- I can't be sure -- you can make a wish, and it will come true in the twinkling of an eye. Well, if it's a real mourning ring,. I'm going to think hard for something I want more than anything else in the world before I wish. +Well, if it's a real mourning ring,. I'm going to think hard for something I want more than anything else in the world before I wish. That's the clever way to do it. +Been crying? That won't please your Daddy. You'd bettor cheer yourself up. I'm trying to. +I'm trying to. Let me take another look at that ring. +I wasn't singing to myself. Oh, I suppose it was to the wind you sang, or maybe to the sun, or the clouds, or maybe it was to the flowers in the garden. +Little miss, you're stopping me in my work. But I want to talk to you. Mommy says for you to come up to the old house with me. I've got to take back this ring. +But I want to talk to you. Mommy says for you to come up to the old house with me. I've got to take back this ring. You just wait until I finish here. I've got to dust these ships for your Dad. +You just wait until I finish here. I've got to dust these ships for your Dad. Will you come soon? +Will you come soon? Soon as I finish. +You're going to be busy all day long, Edward. I do suppose so. But if you were there yesterday, guess you can get there today. +I do suppose so. But if you were there yesterday, guess you can get there today. That means I can go alone? +About time for you to come home, Amy. But Mrs. Farren just started to tell me a story. Please. +Little miss, don't you never come here alone. You gave me a fright, you did. But she's such a nice lady. +But she's such a nice lady. But I don't want you coming here alone. You get me to go with you when you want to come here. You promise? +There was a deer on the other side of the fence. It's a hard winter. All the animals are bold as brass, coming down into the streets for food. You'll see a lot of deer this winter. +Mustn't look, little miss. Mustn't look. But I saw what it was. It's the little deer. +Bad luck to see death in the snow. But what happened to the little deer? +But what happened to the little deer? Probably hit by a car. Hard to see things in the twilight. +Probably hit by a car. Hard to see things in the twilight. Why is it just lying there? Why doesn't it get up? +Why is it just lying there? Why doesn't it get up? Because it can't. It's dead. +Because it can't. It's dead. But it was alive — it was fast and strong! +But it was alive — it was fast and strong! It got hit. +It got hit. But where has it gone? Where's all the strength and the quickness? +I've been watching you. You couldn't see me, but I could see you. It was like peeking through a slit in the curtain before the play began. You would be a very good audience. I can see that. If you were the lady who gave me a ring, my mother says I have to give it back to you. +If you were the lady who gave me a ring, my mother says I have to give it back to you. Return it to me? Indeed you may not. I gave it to you as a present. +But my mother says I mustn't accept gifts from strangers. Stranger? Julia Farren a stranger. Why I've played every theatre from Boston to San Francisco. I've been to London and Paris. Those days — those beautiful, shilling, golden days. +Stranger? Julia Farren a stranger. Why I've played every theatre from Boston to San Francisco. I've been to London and Paris. Those days — those beautiful, shilling, golden days. But I only came to give back the ring. +But I only came to give back the ring. The ring? We'll have no more nonsense about the ring. +She's always spying on me. She creeps into the room. She lives upstairs, yet she's always watching me — always! Who is she? +Who is she? That woman is an imposter, a liar, and a cheat. How do you like your tea? 
                                AMY Well... .sometimes I got a spoonful of tea in a cup of hot milk.
+There you are. Take some cake, why don't you?	No, thank you.
+No, thank you.	One little piece of cake won't hurt you. Go ahead, take one. It's full of fruit...citron, cherries and ginger. It'll make you dream. Yes, wonderful dreams.
+I like stories.	Then I'll tell you a story — a lovely story. Do you know the story of Rapunzel?
+Then I'll tell you a story — a lovely story. Do you know the story of Rapunzel?	Mommy read it to ne.
+Mommy read it to ne.	"Do you know the story of ""The Headless Horseman?"""
+The Headless Horseman --	Why hasn't he got a head?
+Why hasn't he got a head?	It was shot off long ago in the great battles that were fought here; with the British on one side and the Americans on the other.
+He'll let me stay, Mrs. Farren. He'll let me stay.	Good.
+I brought you a present. Merry Christmas.	A Christmas present. It's been so long since I've had a Christmas present.
+What?	Don't you hear it?
+Who's Herne the Huntsman?	Don't you read Shakespeare?
+And does he kill people?	No, not people -- just deer and game, but the people he catches can never be free again. They too must kill and kill, covering themselves with blood.
+Hide me? Why?	My little girl said she'd kill you if you came to see me. I can't let you die. We'll have to hide you.
+Hurry, hurry.	Yes, yes -
+Hurry!	I can't do it! I can't do it!
+My daughter, Barbara, died when she was six. That was long ago. You're only the woman who keeps care of me. I know you.	Look at me.
+You didn't even open my present and I'm your daughter.	My daughter died long ago.
+I hate the storm. I hate it!	The storms have done everything they can to me, I don't hate them. I don't even hear the wind. It blows beyond me. It was on such a night as this that Barbara died.
+The storms have done everything they can to me, I don't hate them. I don't even hear the wind. It blows beyond me. It was on such a night as this that Barbara died.	But I am Barbara. I didn't die.
+But I am Barbara. I didn't die.	My Barbara was killed. I killed her. Yes, it was my fault. Everyone told me not to drive from the theatre. There was a raging wind that night, and snow and ice. All was well until we got to the Sleepy Hollow bridge. Barbara was singing a little song and then ...I don't know how it happened ..when I awakened, they told me the car was overturned, and they wouldn't let me see Barbara. Barbara was dead.
+Oh, doesn't that prove something to you? Doesn't it?	Anybody could know that song.
+Look at me. Look at me, mother darling. Look into my eyes. What color eyes did Barbara have?	Gray. They were a lovely, lovely gray.
+Gray. They were a lovely, lovely gray.	And my eyes...my eyes are gray. Look! You see!
+And my eyes...my eyes are gray. Look! You see!	Yes...yes, that's true.
+Yes...yes, that's true.	And my hair...what color hair did Barbara have?
+And my hair...what color hair did Barbara have?	It was pale...a shadowed gold.
+Mother! You called me by name!	Yes, Barbara... Barbara...
+Promise me you won't forget tomorrow. You'll remember, won't you? You won't say that it was just a dream. Promise me.	Yes. Yes, Barbara, I shan't forget.
+There's another promise you must make me. That little girl who comes here...she mustn't ever come to see you again. Promise me you won't see her.	I-shan't see her. No, Barbara, no.
+I-shan't see her. No, Barbara, no.	If that child comes here...if I find her trying to steal your love from me...I'll kill her. Yes, I'll kill her:
+If that child comes here...if I find her trying to steal your love from me...I'll kill her. Yes, I'll kill her:	I'll not see her, Barbara. I promise.
+Good night, mother, good night.	Good night...Barbara...
+Let the child stay.	Now, I don't know Amy --
+On the dark nights — on the stormy nights -- you can hear him. He passes like the wind; The flapping and fluttering of his great cloak beating like gaunt wings. The thunder of his horse's hooves is loud, loud and louder, beating hard, beating strong on the frozen ground as he comes riding, riding, riding.	Little miss, you can't stay here. You've got to come with me.
+...At the hour of midnight, down the road that goes through Sleepy Hollow, across the bridge, he goes galloping, galloping, always searching, always seeking	Come away, Amy.
+There's a present you haven't opened yet, ma'am.	That's from her -- that woman.
+It's some animal hurt in the woods that made that sound.	Wait a minute. Listen.
+It's dark. We'd better be getting on. The family will be waiting.	Such a brief visit, but dear child, it has made my Christmas very merry.
+Everything all right down there at the school, Mr. Reed?	Yes, everything's all right, Edward.
+Yes, everything's all right, Edward.	When I first heard all that talk about you going down to the school to see the teacher I got really afeard.  I thought maybe you night call off this birthday party -- and me with the cake already in the oven.
+When I first heard all that talk about you going down to the school to see the teacher I got really afeard.  I thought maybe you night call off this birthday party -- and me with the cake already in the oven.	I imagine a child would have to commit murder or rob the Seventh National Bank of Tarrytown to be deprived of a birthday party.
+I thought we were going to save those leaves you were burning for the compost bin.	Got more leaf mold now than we'll ever need, Mr. Reed.  I thought I'd burn 'em up and get the yard clean.
+You won't have long to wait. In just a few minutes this house will be overflowing with boys and girls. Off with you now, Amy. Go out and watch from the gate for all the children who'll be coming.	Go on -- out with you.
+Well, ma'am, the truth is, I gave them to Amy hersolf to post.	And Amy mailed them?
+And Amy mailed them?	She pleaded so to do it
+Amy looks happy — seems almost as if she were playing with another child; like somebody else were running with her and playing.	I like to see her happy.
+I like to see her happy.	So do I, Mr. Reed.
+I didn't even have to coax her tonight.	That's because she made a promise, and she'a keeping it, aren't you, darling.  You saw the way she played this afternoon, Edward.
+That's because she made a promise, and she'a keeping it, aren't you, darling.  You saw the way she played this afternoon, Edward.	Indeed I did. Up and down the garden she went, laughing and singing to herself.
+"""To Daddy from Amy."" Here's one for Miss Callahan. This one says, ""To Edward from Amy.""."	Good heavens! What could you be giving me. Little Miss?
+I know it may seem stupid of me--but it isn't the slap I'm worried about -- it's the reason.	Something to do with a butterfly-- they were quarreling about it.
+Something to do with a butterfly-- they were quarreling about it.	No. Amy slapped Donald because he had hurt the butterfly -- and it was her friend.
+No. Amy slapped Donald because he had hurt the butterfly -- and it was her friend.	Well, that seems a harmless fancy --
+Well, that seems a harmless fancy --	Amy has too many fancies -- too few friends. It worries me. It doesn't seem normal.
+You'd better hurry.  I've left Amy in the car and she's getting impatient.  She tells me there's something especially important about a sixth birthday.	We'll see that she gets there in good time
+She refuses to deny it. She continues to believe in her lies.	But don't you see...it's just what I was about to say to Alice...Amy in her own mind may not be lying.
+But don't you see...it's just what I was about to say to Alice...Amy in her own mind may not be lying.	But there was nothing, no one in the garden.
+But there was nothing, no one in the garden.	She needed, a companion, so out of her own hunger she created one. In her mind her friend was in the garden. In her mind her friend never leaves her. Right this very minute I'm sure she's upstairs sobbing out her grief to a friend who exists only in her mind.
+But we have. She's wanted for nothing.	Perhaps she's wanted for understanding.
+It all starts with them going to the bathroom together.	That many women in one place -- nothing good can come from that.
+That many women in one place -- nothing good can come from that.	Sorry about Frida. She's been friends with Jen forever.
+Sorry about Frida. She's been friends with Jen forever.	What's with her? If they're not bleeding they're PMSing. If they're not PMSing, they're warning you about the impending doom. If you're lucky, you get a sane person one week a month. Then you gotta date three or four women just to get some normalcy in your life.
+I'm lucky Jen's not like that.	I don't believe in PMS. Women made it up just so they can be bitchy.
+I don't believe in PMS. Women made it up just so they can be bitchy.	My brother has an answer to PMS. A-S-S: Abundant Sperm Syndrome. A man gets sperm build-up, and if his woman isn't givin' it to 'em, he's gotta get it elsewhere.
+My brother has an answer to PMS. A-S-S: Abundant Sperm Syndrome. A man gets sperm build-up, and if his woman isn't givin' it to 'em, he's gotta get it elsewhere.	Yeah and when your woman says you're an ass, say yes, I have Abundant Sperm Syndrome.
+Waiter! She needs more water.	Can we get some service here?
+No way is that the same chick. The other one was a dog.	Jennifer gave her a make-over.
+Jennifer gave her a make-over.	Looks like a helluva lot more than a make-over. Was there surgery involved?
+Guess you like those Coyote Ugly steaks now, huh?	Sorry, don't mean to be wolfing down. I'm just starving.
+Sorry, don't mean to be wolfing down. I'm just starving.	Don't apologize. It's great to see a woman really enjoying her food. I hate it when I buy a woman dinner and she won't even touch it.
+"No one I've run into knows what ""coyote ugly"" means."	"Maybe that bartender made it up. I mean I think coyotes are rather beautiful. Maybe ""coyote ugly"" is really a compliment. Like someone who's conventionally ""ugly"" but is really beautiful."
+"Maybe that bartender made it up. I mean I think coyotes are rather beautiful. Maybe ""coyote ugly"" is really a compliment. Like someone who's conventionally ""ugly"" but is really beautiful."	Yeah that's like a three bagger. Today a bag is also a condom, so now a three bagger can be a chick that's really hot. So hot you gotta put several condoms on to dull the senses.
+Sorry I didn't recognize you earlier. You look so different.	I've changed a lot lately.
+You shouldn't smoke. It'll kill you.	Yeah yeah I know. Smoking kills. I'll quit someday. Doesn't it seem like all the cool people smoke?
+Yeah yeah I know. Smoking kills. I'll quit someday. Doesn't it seem like all the cool people smoke?	No.
+No.	James Dean, Humphrey Bogart...
+James Dean, Humphrey Bogart...	Yul Brynner. They're all dead.
+Yul Brynner. They're all dead.	Yeah but they looked cool...
+What?	Your lips look delicious.
+Wow your body's really hot.	I've been working out.
+I've been working out.	I mean body temperature. Do you have a fever?
+I mean body temperature. Do you have a fever?	Never felt better.
+A bite... Where'd you get bitten?	At Victoria's Secret.
+There was a sale.	I mean where on your body?
+I mean where on your body?	Oh, on my wrist.
+A dog at Victoria's Secret?	No, it was another woman.
+How's the rest of your health?	Good. Except for PMS.
+PMS. What symptoms are you experiencing?	It's hard to describe. I get really bloated and irritable and emotional and depressed and...
+It's hard to describe. I get really bloated and irritable and emotional and depressed and...	That's just part of being a woman. Diet and exercise should help. Avoid salt, sugar, starches, caffeine, alcohol...
+That's just part of being a woman. Diet and exercise should help. Avoid salt, sugar, starches, caffeine, alcohol...	What else is there?
+What else is there?	And keep a journal of your symptoms to make sure it's related to your period and not just in your head.
+And keep a journal of your symptoms to make sure it's related to your period and not just in your head.	It's not just in my head.
+That bite healed up quickly. It's been about three weeks?	Nearly four.
+Nearly four.	How have you been feeling?
+How have you been feeling?	Okay, but I'm worried about the next PMS bout. It's gotten worse. I'm not myself during it. I get bloated, irritable, my breasts get huge, my nails turn into claws, my teeth get sharper and I have more facial and body hair.
+Okay, but I'm worried about the next PMS bout. It's gotten worse. I'm not myself during it. I get bloated, irritable, my breasts get huge, my nails turn into claws, my teeth get sharper and I have more facial and body hair.	Sounds all stress related. Your teeth may feel sharper if you're grinding them at night. You don't seem hairy to me. Is that all?
+Sounds all stress related. Your teeth may feel sharper if you're grinding them at night. You don't seem hairy to me. Is that all?	I get crazy dreams and I black out.
+I get crazy dreams and I black out.	"Diet and exercise, that's all there is. I'm not a big proponent of the PMS craze, but there's a book my wife mentioned called ""The PMS Diet,"" which may be helpful."
+"Diet and exercise, that's all there is. I'm not a big proponent of the PMS craze, but there's a book my wife mentioned called ""The PMS Diet,"" which may be helpful."	Does she have PMS?
+Does she have PMS?	Now it's menopause. She's always hot. I gotta wear a parka around the house cause she keeps it so cold. It's always something.
+Jennifer?	No it's mom.
+No it's mom.	Mom!
+"We're worried about you. ""60 Minutes"" was on same-sex couples."	What does that have to do with me?
+What does that have to do with me?	You haven't mentioned dating anyone since Mark and, well you're not a lesbian are you?
+You haven't mentioned dating anyone since Mark and, well you're not a lesbian are you?	No, I'm not a lesbian. Geez mom.
+No, I'm not a lesbian. Geez mom.	It's okay if you are, we just want to know. I don't want to be expecting grandchildren if...
+I have cramps. I can't believe I let you talk me into this.	Come on, we've been double dating since the fourth grade.
+Come on, we've been double dating since the fourth grade.	Yeah even then look what happened: Michael Mortenson kissed you and Billy Sullivan threw a worm at me.
+Yeah even then look what happened: Michael Mortenson kissed you and Billy Sullivan threw a worm at me.	Well that's not going to happen tonight. George said Carlton's a nice guy.
+Well that's not going to happen tonight. George said Carlton's a nice guy.	Translation: a total geek.
+Translation: a total geek.	Anything's better than Mark.
+Anything's better than Mark.	My shrink says he's not so bad.
+My shrink says he's not so bad.	Your shrink always gives you bad advice. He only hears what you choose to tell him. Mark's an asshole, he cheated, he borrowed money and never paid it back, he's never had a regular job.
+Your shrink always gives you bad advice. He only hears what you choose to tell him. Mark's an asshole, he cheated, he borrowed money and never paid it back, he's never had a regular job.	He's a very talented musician.
+He's a very talented musician.	Every woman at some point has to date a musician. I wish you'd get rid of Mark for good. Every time you break up you see him more than when you were going out.
+Every woman at some point has to date a musician. I wish you'd get rid of Mark for good. Every time you break up you see him more than when you were going out.	I guess I have a weakness for him. It's those big brown Bambi eyes.
+I guess I have a weakness for him. It's those big brown Bambi eyes.	So don't look in his eyes.
+I wonder what it's like being you. Being noticed all the time.	People notice you Frida.
+He hasn't said one word to me.	Maybe he's just shy.
+Maybe he's just shy.	My date always pays more attention to you than to me.
+My date always pays more attention to you than to me.	Frida, I don't mean this as a criticism, but you might not want to talk about PMS around men.
+Frida, I don't mean this as a criticism, but you might not want to talk about PMS around men.	Sorry. It's just so bad lately. You're so lucky you never get PMS.
+Sorry. It's just so bad lately. You're so lucky you never get PMS.	I get a little bloated sometimes.
+I get a little bloated sometimes.	I'd kill for just a little bloated.
+How about I give you a make-over? You'll feel better about yourself. You're actually pretty, you're just not bringing it out.	You're just saying that.
+Do you really need these?	Only to see.
+Only to see.	Can't you get contacts?
+Can't you get contacts?	No, it grosses me out even thinking of putting something in my eye.
+No, it grosses me out even thinking of putting something in my eye.	Try to get through dinner without them. You have beautiful eyes.
+Or if there's a full moon.	Or if your boyfriend's an asshole.
+Okay, just one more stop and you'll be all set. Victoria's Secret.	What do I need overpriced fancy underwear for? Shouldn't a guy have already decided that he likes me before he sees me in lingerie?
+What do I need overpriced fancy underwear for? Shouldn't a guy have already decided that he likes me before he sees me in lingerie?	It's not about him seeing you in it. It's how you feel. You'll feel sexy in lingerie and it'll show. It's an inner thing.
+It's not about him seeing you in it. It's how you feel. You'll feel sexy in lingerie and it'll show. It's an inner thing.	I don't know.
+I don't know.	There's a sale. It's such a nice place -- classical music, relaxing atmosphere. You deserve to pamper yourself. Come on, it can't hurt.
+Where are all the mediums?	Frida, grab that red one.
+Can you believe she fuckin' bit me?	And she got the medium.
+And she got the medium.	Even on sale that stuff's a fortune. I worked all week to pay for a bra.
+I think she broke the skin.	What a bitch. You should see a doctor. That can be dangerous. George bit me once and I had to go to the emergency room.
+What a bitch. You should see a doctor. That can be dangerous. George bit me once and I had to go to the emergency room.	George bit you?
+George bit you?	I kind of asked him to. We were, you know... he got a little carried away...
+Why did Gregory ask me out? I mean he's cute -- he probably just wants to pitch his screenplay idea.	Maybe he likes you, ever think of that? It's good for you to go out -- get your mind off Mark.
+Maybe he likes you, ever think of that? It's good for you to go out -- get your mind off Mark.	You're so lucky you have George and don't need to go on dates anymore.
+You're so lucky you have George and don't need to go on dates anymore.	"What I really hated about dating was the lines guys used to get into my apartment. ""Can I use your phone?"" ""How about a nightcap?"" ""I want to meet your cat."" And my all-time favorite, the old standby, ""I have to use your bathroom."""
+"What I really hated about dating was the lines guys used to get into my apartment. ""Can I use your phone?"" ""How about a nightcap?"" ""I want to meet your cat."" And my all-time favorite, the old standby, ""I have to use your bathroom."""	Maybe they have to pee.
+Maybe they have to pee.	"Are you kidding? He might as well say, ""Can I date rape you?"""
+"Are you kidding? He might as well say, ""Can I date rape you?"""	I never thought of it like that. I never know what to do on dates. Do guys still pay?
+I never thought of it like that. I never know what to do on dates. Do guys still pay?	They better. Of course, trouble is, you never know what they'll expect for it. You gotta know what to order, and what you're willing to do. Like if a guy spends a fortune on you, he's gonna feel like you owe him something.
+Where?	Where? Where do you think a mustache would be. Look!
+Where? Where do you think a mustache would be. Look!	I don't see anything. Maybe just a little.
+I don't see anything. Maybe just a little.	Holy shit, I'm a freak.
+Holy shit, I'm a freak.	You are not Frida, we all have a little hair there. I didn't even notice till you showed me. We can bleach that, it's no big deal.
+Hey, did you get contacts?	Oh, my glasses! Maybe my eyes got stronger from not wearing them.
+He's dead? Am I bad luck or what?	There you go, blaming yourself for everything again.
+There you go, blaming yourself for everything again.	And he was ripped limb from limb?
+And he was ripped limb from limb?	I'm sure they were exaggerating.
+I'm sure they were exaggerating.	Why would they exaggerate?
+Why would they exaggerate?	To sound like big macho cops. He was probably just found with a knife in his back.
+So did you do it?	Did I kill him? Of course not!
+Did I kill him? Of course not!	No, did you fuck him?
+No, did you fuck him?	No. I don't think so.
+No. I don't think so.	You don't think so? You either did or your didn't.
+You don't think so? You either did or your didn't.	I don't remember. We kissed at my door and next thing I knew I woke up with my period. Alone.
+I don't remember. We kissed at my door and next thing I knew I woke up with my period. Alone.	Did you get smashed or what? You have to eat if you're drinking. And not just those little salads.
+Did you get smashed or what? You have to eat if you're drinking. And not just those little salads.	I ate a burger in the afternoon and a steak and a half with Gregory.
+I ate a burger in the afternoon and a steak and a half with Gregory.	I guess you're off that vegetarian kick you've been on for ten years.
+I guess you're off that vegetarian kick you've been on for ten years.	I couldn't stop eating steak. I felt out of control -- like I was making up for all those years being a vegetarian. I couldn't get enough. And then Gregory walked me home... and he peed in front of me.
+I couldn't stop eating steak. I felt out of control -- like I was making up for all those years being a vegetarian. I couldn't get enough. And then Gregory walked me home... and he peed in front of me.	What? Why the hell did he do that?
+What? Why the hell did he do that?	He was trying to get into my apartment and... I know this sounds gross but I was so turned on. I grabbed him and kissed him!
+He was trying to get into my apartment and... I know this sounds gross but I was so turned on. I grabbed him and kissed him!	And then?
+And then?	I think I went in and fell asleep. I guess Gregory walked home and got killed! I blacked out.
+I think I went in and fell asleep. I guess Gregory walked home and got killed! I blacked out.	At least your PMS is over.
+At least your PMS is over.	And my bra finally fits again.
+I thought you were going to stop wearing your glasses.	My vision got worse again.
+Are those Mark's?	No, Mark wears boxers. They must have been in the dryer already.
+No, Mark wears boxers. They must have been in the dryer already.	Uh huh... good thing those cops didn't see that.
+He was cute, huh? Of course whenever I meet a guy, I'm wearing no make-up.	Rule one: always wear make-up.
+Rule one: always wear make-up.	I wonder if he's married.
+I wonder if he's married.	He wasn't wearing a ring. But you don't want to date a cop Frida. They're so blue collar.
+Gross, so this is Mark's flesh? When did you see him?	Um, he stopped by yesterday before you came over.
+Um, he stopped by yesterday before you came over.	Why didn't you tell me? You said you hadn't seen him for a month.
+Why didn't you tell me? You said you hadn't seen him for a month.	I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think I was still a doormat.
+I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think I was still a doormat.	Frida, I'm your friend. I'm not judging you... You didn't sleep with the creep did you?
+I don't think I've ever actually liked anyone I've dated before. Peter even likes me without makeup.	Hmmm. Sounds suspicious.
+Hmmm. Sounds suspicious.	I don't know much about him. How do you know if a guy is decent?
+I don't know much about him. How do you know if a guy is decent?	Give him the tampon test.
+Give him the tampon test.	What the hell is the tampon test?
+What the hell is the tampon test?	"You're at his place, and you come out of the bathroom looking all shy and say, ""I'm so embarrassed but could you run out and get me some tampons?"" If he says no, he's too embarrassed, then you know he's a wus. If he says he's got some in the bathroom, then you know there are other women around a lot. But if he says yes and goes to get you tampons, well then he's a decent guy. Then, while he's out..."
+I'm freaking out. I'm like an animal and totally out of control. My arms keep getting really hairy.	You have to stop being so self- critical Frida.
+You have to stop being so self- critical Frida.	I looked like an Italian man!
+How'd it go with the cop?	We almost slept together... and... then the hair started and I booked.
+We almost slept together... and... then the hair started and I booked.	Frida, this hair thing is all in your head. You're using it as an excuse not to get close to anyone.
+Frida, this hair thing is all in your head. You're using it as an excuse not to get close to anyone.	It's just as well. I'm afraid of getting hurt again. Mark seemed great at first too. I don't want to get too attached to Peter and then find out he's a creep.
+It's just as well. I'm afraid of getting hurt again. Mark seemed great at first too. I don't want to get too attached to Peter and then find out he's a creep.	Hey, Carlton's in town -- come out with the three of us.
+No he didn't. Come on, I don't want to be alone with those two. All they talk about is basketball and it bores the hell out of me.	Okay. I guess so.
+Okay. I guess so.	Great. George is meeting Carlton first for drinks. We can meet and go together. It'll be a blast.
+I started out on that eye-of-newt diet the doctor gave me and wound up in the tub covered in chocolate.	Well whatever it was, seems to have worked cause you look great.
+Well whatever it was, seems to have worked cause you look great.	You're just saying that.
+What did he say?	I think he called you beautiful.
+I think he called you beautiful.	"Oh my god. I've never had that before. I've had guys say they want me to suck their dicks and gross stuff but no one's ever said ""Hey there beautiful."""
+Charming Carlton.	It is so hot in here.
+"Bag means condom now? I can't keep up with the word ""bag."" It used to be ""No, that's not my bag"" -- meaning not my thing. But now ""my bag"" means ""my fault."""	I still thought it was a purse.
+You might want to tape your nipples down next time. It's really distracting.	I can't help it. My bra wouldn't even fit. I've been going to Victoria's Secret and exchanging bras for bigger ones and still I'm busting out. It's this PMS.
+I can't help it. My bra wouldn't even fit. I've been going to Victoria's Secret and exchanging bras for bigger ones and still I'm busting out. It's this PMS.	Geez, I wish I'd get it like that.
+Geez, I wish I'd get it like that.	No you don't, believe me.
+Oh my god, look. My arms are so hairy!	No they're not.
+Yes they are! Look how much more hair I have than you!	It's just cause mine is finer. A little bleach'll fix that.
+It's just cause mine is finer. A little bleach'll fix that.	I look like fuckin' Chewbacca.
+Frida, this is a bad time. We're having sex and George actually answered the phone.	There is a man's arm in my bed.
+Jennifer. A severed arm. It's bloody and... I'm not sure but it may be Carlton's.	You fucked Carlton? See I told you he liked you.
+You fucked Carlton? See I told you he liked you.	No! Not fucked him, I think I killed him.
+Please come over. I'm begging you. What should I do with the arm? Should I call the cops or... Peter?	Frida, you're not making sense. I can't come over right now.
+So where's this infamous arm now?	I put it down the garbage disposal.
+I put it down the garbage disposal.	And what makes you think you killed a man?
+And what makes you think you killed a man?	Because of PMS, I get hairy, my nails turn into claws, I eat raw meat, I roam the city hunting for flesh. I've become a werewolf!
+You're a PMS werewolf. Of course. Frida, are you on drugs?	No, last night I think I chased Carlton around as a wolf and killed him. I woke up with a taste of blood in my mouth and a severed arm in my bed. And my throat hurts.
+You're delusional. Maybe you had a bad dream and bit your lip -- so you tasted blood. And the severed arm... well I don't see it and... maybe this is all in your head.	It took me an hour to clean it up. That was not in my head!
+It took me an hour to clean it up. That was not in my head!	Maybe the blood was from your period like before.
+Maybe the blood was from your period like before.	I haven't gotten it yet.
+I haven't gotten it yet.	Frida, listen to yourself. If I said I was a werewolf, would you believe me?
+Frida, listen to yourself. If I said I was a werewolf, would you believe me?	I don't know. You have to take Sammy. He's afraid of me.
+Hello?	Frida? I was worried to death about you. I've called you for two days. Where have you been?
+Frida? I was worried to death about you. I've called you for two days. Where have you been?	I've been here. What day is it?
+I've been here. What day is it?	Tuesday. Are you okay?
+Tuesday. Are you okay?	Shit, I guess I missed work.
+Shit, I guess I missed work.	Frida, Carlton's dead.
+Frida, Carlton's dead.	Oh no.
+Oh no.	And he was missing an arm.
+And he was missing an arm.	Oh my god Jennifer. I should go to confession.
+Oh my god Jennifer. I should go to confession.	Relax. Carlton was torn apart. No way could you have done that. Maybe you saw someone kill him and blocked it out... or...
+Get rid of him!	Okay, I gotta go.
+Okay, I gotta go.	I'm stopping by later. I'm worried about you. Bye.
+Holy shit, I don't know.	Did you get rid of Mark?
+Did you get rid of Mark?	I don't know... I'm spaced out... he was taking a shower... He must be still in there.
+I don't know... I'm spaced out... he was taking a shower... He must be still in there.	He's been here all night?
+He's been here all night?	Yeah, I guess. Mark?
+What happened to his tooth?	I should call the police. Oh no Peter. Peter is the police!
+I should call the police. Oh no Peter. Peter is the police!	DON'T call the police.
+DON'T call the police.	Why not? There's been a murder.
+Why not? There's been a murder.	First of all, you're my alibi. I told George I was with you last night.
+First of all, you're my alibi. I told George I was with you last night.	What? Why'd you do that?
+What? Why'd you do that?	There's kind of this guy I'm seeing.
+There's kind of this guy I'm seeing.	You're cheating on George? Jennifer, how could you?
+How could I? I'm helping you clean up Mark's remains and you ask how could I cheat on George?	You're right. It's just, I can't cover up a murder so George won't know you're cheating.
+You're right. It's just, I can't cover up a murder so George won't know you're cheating.	You say murder, but you have no idea what happened. You don't remember doing it, so it's out of your control.
+You say murder, but you have no idea what happened. You don't remember doing it, so it's out of your control.	I think I turned into a werewolf and killed him.
+I think I turned into a werewolf and killed him.	Why the fuck would you do that?
+Why the fuck would you do that?	I could smell another woman on him.
+I could smell another woman on him.	If you ask me, the fucker got what he deserved. I'm glad he's dead.
+If you ask me, the fucker got what he deserved. I'm glad he's dead.	That's a terrible thing to say. Frida goes back to scrubbing the floor.
+That's a terrible thing to say. Frida goes back to scrubbing the floor.	Okay, let's say that this is PMS- related. You think those male cops are going to understand that? You'll either be locked up for murder or locked up in the looney bin. We have to keep this hidden until we figure it out ourselves.
+At least I finally saw the reason you couldn't get over Mark.	You should have seen it erect.
+You expecting someone?	No.
+No.	Ignore it.
+Fuck it's the cops. Peter saw me, now I have to let him in.	Tell them you'll meet them outside.
+What the fuck are we going to do?	Hide him.
+Peter knows something.	Well if he does, he didn't give you away. He must really like you.
+I think I just got my period.	Does that mean this whole thing is over?
+Does that mean this whole thing is over?	Probably for three weeks or so anyway. I'm not sure -- I don't get how it works.
+Probably for three weeks or so anyway. I'm not sure -- I don't get how it works.	Let's do some research. I'll check the libraries. You surf the web.
+Let's do some research. I'll check the libraries. You surf the web.	You're such a good friend.
+You're such a good friend.	So are you. Look, go about your life. Act like nothing's wrong. We'll get to the bottom of this.
+Symptoms include loss of emotional control, compulsive behavior, cravings, crying spells...	Peter keeps asking me out.
+Peter keeps asking me out.	Maybe you should go out with him. If you keep avoiding him he'll get suspicious. Besides, what better way to not get busted than to date the cop who's investigating you.
+Maybe you should go out with him. If you keep avoiding him he'll get suspicious. Besides, what better way to not get busted than to date the cop who's investigating you.	The thing is, I really like him. I finally meet a guy I really like and I'm a fuckin' werewolf.
+The thing is, I really like him. I finally meet a guy I really like and I'm a fuckin' werewolf.	We don't know you're a werewolf. It might never happen again. You have to get on with your life.
+"""Paranoia, insecurity, depression, changes in vision, feelings of losing control; belief that you have a mental problem..."" Nothing about turning into a werewolf."	Check out what I found.
+"This is from a scientist in France, Madame Sconce. ""The original werewolves were females. They became werewolves on the lunar cycle because it corresponded to the woman's cycle. My suspicion is that the only cure is true love."""	Great so all I have to do is fall in love? Like I haven't tried that for the past 24 years.
+Great so all I have to do is fall in love? Like I haven't tried that for the past 24 years.	"""The female-cycle werewolf will only kill men and never kills someone she truly loves."" See I knew you never loved Mark."
+"""The female-cycle werewolf will only kill men and never kills someone she truly loves."" See I knew you never loved Mark."	Who is this Madame Sconce? Let's find her and talk to her.
+Who is this Madame Sconce? Let's find her and talk to her.	She died at age 34 in the 1800's. They thought she was crazy. She was banished from her town. Seems her husband shot her.
+She died at age 34 in the 1800's. They thought she was crazy. She was banished from her town. Seems her husband shot her.	Guess she never found true love.
+Guess she never found true love.	The weird thing is... he shot her with a silver bullet.
+The weird thing is... he shot her with a silver bullet.	So... she was a werewolf. Do you think we can believe all this?
+So... she was a werewolf. Do you think we can believe all this?	What choice do we have?
+What choice do we have?	So what do I do?
+So what do I do?	Fall in love.
+Fall in love.	I think I already have.
+I'm cleaning my stove.	You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were killing yourself.
+You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were killing yourself.	I tried to kill myself -- earlier. It doesn't work. I think I need silver bullets. So I got depressed and when I'm depressed I clean.
+I tried to kill myself -- earlier. It doesn't work. I think I need silver bullets. So I got depressed and when I'm depressed I clean.	You'll get through this. You were fine for over three weeks.
+You'll get through this. You were fine for over three weeks.	I'm just afraid I'll hurt Peter. I think I love him.
+I'm just afraid I'll hurt Peter. I think I love him.	Remember what Madame Sconce said. If you love him he'll be fine.
+Remember what Madame Sconce said. If you love him he'll be fine.	But how do I know if I really love Peter? And if he really loves me?
+But how do I know if I really love Peter? And if he really loves me?	I guess you'll find out.
+I guess you'll find out.	No. I can't take that chance. I'd rather kill myself.
+No. I can't take that chance. I'd rather kill myself.	No. I won't let you do that.
+No. I won't let you do that.	"The werewolf always dies at the end. Didn't you see ""American Werewolf in London?"""
+I think George knows.	About Mark? Carlton?
+About Mark? Carlton?	About Benito.
+About Benito.	Did I kill a guy named Benito?
+Did I kill a guy named Benito?	No, he's the guy I'm having an affair with.
+I thought you and George were getting married.	We were -- I was just so tempted... It was sort of a test. I think after sleeping with Benito I know I want to be with George. But now George knows about Benito and he doesn't want to be with me!
+We were -- I was just so tempted... It was sort of a test. I think after sleeping with Benito I know I want to be with George. But now George knows about Benito and he doesn't want to be with me!	I wish I only had your problems.
+I wish I only had your problems.	Sorry -- I shouldn't go on about myself at a time like this. Are you sure you're going to be okay?
+Sorry -- I shouldn't go on about myself at a time like this. Are you sure you're going to be okay?	Yes, just check on me once a day for the next three days. Then the PMS should be over.
+Hello?	Frida? You okay?
+Frida? You okay?	Never been better. Peter spent the night. I must really love him. He's still alive.
+Never been better. Peter spent the night. I must really love him. He's still alive.	Oh thank god. Maybe this whole thing is really over.
+Oh thank god. Maybe this whole thing is really over.	God I hope so. Hey can I call you later? Peter's still here. He's in the shower.
+God I hope so. Hey can I call you later? Peter's still here. He's in the shower.	Sure. See ya.
+I know.	So you're Grant's secretary?
+So you're Grant's secretary?	I do development for TV movies.
+I do development for TV movies.	Oh, a D-Girl. You know... I have a really great idea for a screenplay.
+You're kidding, really?	No, I'm serious. How about we have dinner and I tell you about it?
+You hungry?	Starving.
+Man I'm starving too, I think I'll go for the Surf and Turf.	I'm not really hungry after all.
+I'm not really hungry after all.	You said you're starving. Come on, I can't stand a woman who won't eat.
+"So there I was, hanging from the edge of a bridge, when my mom said, ""Son, you got into Harvard!"" It took three of them to pull me back! Frida keeps eating."	Well, whattdaya think?
+Well, whattdaya think?	That's great. Highly original.
+I'd really feel more comfortable paying for my half of the dinner.	Hey, how about a little nightcap?
+I'm really tired.	Come on, didn't all that steak make you thirsty?
+Come on, didn't all that steak make you thirsty?	No. Really, I'm... I don't feel well. I've got terrible PMS.
+No. Really, I'm... I don't feel well. I've got terrible PMS.	They say sex is great for cramps.
+They say sex is great for cramps.	Well I have it worse than cramps. Goodnight Gregory.
+What?	I really gotta pee.
+I really gotta pee.	You should have gone at the restaurant.
+You should have gone at the restaurant.	I didn't have to pee then.
+I didn't have to pee then.	My apartment's just such a mess.
+My apartment's just such a mess.	That's okay. I just have to use the bathroom and then I'll leave.
+That's okay. I just have to use the bathroom and then I'll leave.	Oh come on. Knock it off.
+Oh come on. Knock it off.	Knock what off?
+Knock what off?	You don't have to pee.
+You don't have to pee.	Yes I do have to pee!
+Yes I do have to pee!	You're just saying that to get into my apartment and then you're hoping that'll turn into something else.
+You're just saying that to get into my apartment and then you're hoping that'll turn into something else.	I wouldn't mind doin' something else, but I do really have to pee.
+I wouldn't mind doin' something else, but I do really have to pee.	Uh huh. So pee.
+Uh huh. So pee.	So pee? Here?
+So pee? Here?	Yeah. Whip it out. You want me to see it -- that's what this is all about, right?
+What, you got a date or somethin'?	Since when do you care?
+You look different. I mean you look good.	You never say that.
+You never say that.	You do though. You look really... is that a wonderbra?
+You do though. You look really... is that a wonderbra?	No.
+Look what you did!	Oh my god, I'm sorry!
+Oh my god, I'm sorry!	Shit. And you're eating my burger? You don't eat meat.
+Shit. And you're eating my burger? You don't eat meat.	I can't help it, it smells so good.
+OUCH that stings! Damn, what am I going to do with my back like this?	Worried about what all your girlfriends might think?
+Worried about what all your girlfriends might think?	Frida, you know you're it for me.
+Frida, you know you're it for me.	Yeah right... You better go.
+Hey wait, I paid three bucks for that burger. You owe me...	You haven't even paid me back the thousand bucks you owe me!
+You haven't even paid me back the thousand bucks you owe me!	I'm working on it...
+Where'd you get the bike?	I'm kinda borrowing it. Who's this, Mr. Date-Guy?
+Frida? I hear you talking. I know you're in there. Let me in.	It's Mark.
+It's a matter of life and death.	This really isn't a good time.
+This really isn't a good time.	Come on Frida, I'm not kidding. I'm totally fucked. Let me in.
+I did something stupid. I had a courier job -- picking up a package from the airport. It turned out to be money -- so I kind of borrowed it to pay my rent and now these dudes are after me.	So pay them back and apologize.
+So pay them back and apologize.	These guys aren't the kind that'll take an apology. They're the kind that'll break my thumbs.
+These guys aren't the kind that'll take an apology. They're the kind that'll break my thumbs.	You think that story's gonna make me loan you money?
+You think that story's gonna make me loan you money?	It's the truth. If you'd just loaned me the money last time this never would have happened.
+It's the truth. If you'd just loaned me the money last time this never would have happened.	Somehow this winds up being my fault? You always blame me.
+Somehow this winds up being my fault? You always blame me.	Come on, I'm your biggest supporter.
+Come on, I'm your biggest supporter.	My bra is my biggest supporter.
+My bra is my biggest supporter.	I just need a place to lay low for a few days. Come on, I know you hate me but you can't wanna see me at the bottom of the East River?
+Mark.	Yeah?
+Wow.	Take your shower.
+The Nielson's?	On your desk.
+On your desk.	Script coverage?
+Script coverage?	On your desk.
+On your desk.	Coffee and...
+Coffee and...	Your desk.
+"How about a ""Man in Jeopardy"" story?"	Did you change your hair?
+Did you change your hair?	A little.
+I can't read any more crap. These women are all victims.	Yes, that's what we're looking for.
+Yes, that's what we're looking for.	I think we should do something with strong female characters...
+I think we should do something with strong female characters...	I'll make a note of that. Put the coverage on my desk.
+Mr. Grant. Did you read that script I was talking about?	Uh... yes. Not for us. No woman in jeopardy. Find me Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Find me a true story about a crazed killer stalking beautiful women.
+Uh... yes. Not for us. No woman in jeopardy. Find me Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Find me a true story about a crazed killer stalking beautiful women.	No.
+No.	No?
+No?	No. I quit. Take your lame ass ideas, your fake ass toupee, your fat ass wife and your ugly ass kids and shove them.
+No. I quit. Take your lame ass ideas, your fake ass toupee, your fat ass wife and your ugly ass kids and shove them.	Very well then. Is that all?
+When's the last time you saw him?	We... he walked me home and... we said goodnight. Um, he kissed me goodnight and that was it.
+I wish I could help but last I saw Gregory was outside my front door.	Okay, if you think of anything else, please give us a call.
+You busted me.	Are you following me?
+Are you following me?	No... no... this is embarrassing. I was returning your pillowcase... and I saw you cross the street... and I sort of started following you. I just find you really intriguing. I don't know why.
+No... no... this is embarrassing. I was returning your pillowcase... and I saw you cross the street... and I sort of started following you. I just find you really intriguing. I don't know why.	Intriguing?
+I gotta get going. Peter gets the pillowcase out of his bag.	At least let me give you this back. I washed it.
+Being a cop has such a warm effect on people.	That's my ex. He's an asshole. In case you couldn't tell. I think he's been following me.
+That's my ex. He's an asshole. In case you couldn't tell. I think he's been following me.	There's a lot of that going around.
+You wanna get some coffee?	I'm trying to stay away from caffeine.
+I'm trying to stay away from caffeine.	Some decaf then? That was stupid. Obviously you said you were staying away from caffeine as a nice way of blowing me off.
+Some decaf then? That was stupid. Obviously you said you were staying away from caffeine as a nice way of blowing me off.	No. Really. I don't drink coffee anymore. I used to love it but my tastes have changed recently.
+No. Really. I don't drink coffee anymore. I used to love it but my tastes have changed recently.	Okay well. Maybe some other time. They continue walking together.
+Okay well. Maybe some other time. They continue walking together.	So what book did you buy?
+So what book did you buy?	Oh, it's nothing.
+Oh, it's nothing.	No really, I love knowing what people read.
+No really, I love knowing what people read.	It's stupid.
+It's stupid.	I can forgive you a bestseller.
+My mom used to get PMS too.	Used to? Did it stop finally?
+Used to? Did it stop finally?	No, she died when I was twelve.
+No, she died when I was twelve.	I'm sorry.
+I'm sorry.	I've had time to get over it. She was killed by wolves they think.
+I've had time to get over it. She was killed by wolves they think.	Oh my god, by wolves?
+We lived in northern Minnesota. She went for a walk one night and they never found her body -- just her torn apart clothes with her blood and wolf blood on them. Then the town rounded up bunch of hunters and shot all the wolves in the area.	I'm so sorry Peter. Gee, that sure puts my problems in perspective.
+I'm so sorry Peter. Gee, that sure puts my problems in perspective.	The weird thing is I've had an odd, morbid fascination with wolves ever since.
+I've read scripts about detectives, but never met one. Must be wild.	Sometimes it's frustrating. Like this Gregory Jameson case. We don't even know what killed him. I'm putting together little details to see if we're missing something.
+Sometimes it's frustrating. Like this Gregory Jameson case. We don't even know what killed him. I'm putting together little details to see if we're missing something.	Like what?
+Like what?	You know how moms always tell you to wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident? Well this guy wasn't wearing any underwear.
+You know how moms always tell you to wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident? Well this guy wasn't wearing any underwear.	A lot of people don't wear underwear.
+A lot of people don't wear underwear.	Yeah but a guy hung like a horse would need briefs to keep things in line.
+How about you? Briefs or boxers?	Briefs.
+Briefs.	Cool. I don't get guys who wear boxers. My ex wore boxers. I never got how he could wear khakis and not have his boxers bunch up.
+Cool. I don't get guys who wear boxers. My ex wore boxers. I never got how he could wear khakis and not have his boxers bunch up.	Me neither. That's why I wear briefs... So why did you and... Mark break up?
+Me neither. That's why I wear briefs... So why did you and... Mark break up?	He's bad news. He cheated on me, he insults me. Now suddenly he gets jealous if I have a date.
+I really gotta get going.	Thanks for the walk. Maybe we could... get a bite sometime?
+Thanks for the walk. Maybe we could... get a bite sometime?	Yeah. Maybe.
+Yeah. Maybe.	Goodnight.
+Goodnight.	Goodnight.
+What are those?	Silver bullets. A collectors item. These are very valuable. They were melted down from a crucifix.
+Silver bullets. A collectors item. These are very valuable. They were melted down from a crucifix.	What are they for?
+What are they for?	Oh just my wolf paraphernalia. Some people collect beanie babies... I collect silver bullets.
+I'm a cop -- I notice everything. That drawer's ajar, that picture's been moved about an inch, the closet wasn't closed when I left...	Okay, you busted me.
+What's wrong?	Oh, nothing's wrong. Just... well don't you have your period?
+Oh, nothing's wrong. Just... well don't you have your period?	My period? No.
+I mean we can still... whatever... Maybe I should get a towel?	No. No, I'm fine. Maybe I should go. I mean... I don't want our first time to be like this.
+No. No, I'm fine. Maybe I should go. I mean... I don't want our first time to be like this.	Frida, wait. Don't go. We can just sleep. I just want to wake up with you.
+Oh my god, you scared the shit out of me. You following me again?	No. I was doing my laundry.
+No. I was doing my laundry.	I'm sorry -- I'm on edge today.
+Was there anything in that washer?	No. Nope, nothing in it.
+You sure? It's my favorite shirt, mind if I check?	NO! I... I checked when I put my stuff in. I always look through the washer first.
+Everything okay?	A man killed in Central Park.
+Uh.... hi!	Frida, can we come in? We need to talk to you. It's important.
+Frida, can we come in? We need to talk to you. It's important.	Uh... the buzzer's broken. I'll be down in a second.
+You had a date with Carlton?	It wasn't a date. Jennifer invited me along to dinner with them.
+No, no... But Mark -- a jealous boyfriend gone mad. Maybe he kills men you date.	Mark wouldn't hurt a fly.
+But you said the bodies were ripped to pieces?	Still haven't figured out how he or anyone else pulled that off. Never seen anything like it.
+No, why?	He was ripped to shreds also. In his apartment.
+Frida. I was looking for you. You changing jobs?	Yeah sort of. Where's Lloyd?
+Yeah sort of. Where's Lloyd?	I need to talk to you. About us. Frida... I... Can I carry your box?
+I need to talk to you. About us. Frida... I... Can I carry your box?	No, I got it. It's okay.
+No, I got it. It's okay.	What happened?
+What happened?	I thought we were starting something... and then... I know it's unorthodox, I mean with you being involved in the case and all.
+I thought we were starting something... and then... I know it's unorthodox, I mean with you being involved in the case and all.	I just don't know if I should be dating anyone right now.
+I just don't know if I should be dating anyone right now.	Yeah, every guy you date winds up dead.
+Except Mark of course.	What's that supposed to mean?
+What's that supposed to mean?	Did I tell you I have the worst sense of humor and I make bad jokes at totally inappropriate times?
+Did I tell you I have the worst sense of humor and I make bad jokes at totally inappropriate times?	No, but thanks for the warning.
+No, but thanks for the warning.	Speaking of Mark -- we've tried to track him down and there's no sight of him. Vanished into thin air. I got a hunch he fled the country.
+Speaking of Mark -- we've tried to track him down and there's no sight of him. Vanished into thin air. I got a hunch he fled the country.	Interesting possibility.
+"That's it? Hell my mom chased my dad around with a knife when she had it. She made us call her a different name. She'd say, ""You're talking to Betty now"" and we'd leave the house for a few days."	"This is a lot worse than ""Betty."""
+"This is a lot worse than ""Betty."""	You can't mean that. I'm sure your bark is worse than your bite.
+You can't mean that. I'm sure your bark is worse than your bite.	No, my bite's a lot worse.
+Is it that funny?	"No, it's just... no one's ever said that. And I thought if someone did ever say it, I'd have to say it first and then they'd sort of say ""I love you too"" cause they felt they had to after I'd said it."
+"No, it's just... no one's ever said that. And I thought if someone did ever say it, I'd have to say it first and then they'd sort of say ""I love you too"" cause they felt they had to after I'd said it."	Is that how you feel?
+Is that how you feel?	Like I had to say it? No, I wanted to say it.
+Like I had to say it? No, I wanted to say it.	You didn't say it.
+You didn't say it.	I love you too.
+What's with the squirt guns?	They're for my cat. I use them to train him not to rip up paper.
+They're for my cat. I use them to train him not to rip up paper.	You know, I've never seen your cat.
+You know, I've never seen your cat.	I loaned him to Jennifer. George moved out and she was lonely...
+Your breasts feel larger.	They do? Oh no...
+They do? Oh no...	No, it's a good thing. I like it. Everything about you is great. I like how you don't shave your legs. Women are so much sexier when they're natural.
+I did shave... Do I seem hairy? Peter laughs.	No. But I don't mind hairy. Are you okay?
+Hello?	Frida? You okay? Look, I think I know what happened to Mark. I want to help. I'm coming over.
+Frida? You okay? Look, I think I know what happened to Mark. I want to help. I'm coming over.	NO! Don't come over. Peter... I... I don't want to see you anymore. Ever.
+NO! Don't come over. Peter... I... I don't want to see you anymore. Ever.	What? Is there someone else?
+Yes, sort of. I mean no, not really.	Yes or no? Frida, can't you just be honest with me?
+You at least owe me the truth.	You want the truth? Remember I tried to tell you something the other day?
+You want the truth? Remember I tried to tell you something the other day?	Yes, your PMS. Frida I can deal with that.
+Yes, your PMS. Frida I can deal with that.	No you can't. It... it gets so bad that I become a werewolf.
+If you don't like me, just say so. You don't have to make up some bullshit like you're a werewolf.	I knew you wouldn't believe me! Just go away. Go very far away!
+Go away. I might hurt you.	I'm not afraid. Frida! I love you.
+I'm not afraid. Frida! I love you.	Peter I love you too but...
+Peter I love you too but...	I don't think you'll hurt me.
+How do you know?	I don't think you would. No matter what form you take.
+I don't think you would. No matter what form you take.	I can't take that chance... I couldn't live with myself if I did anything to you.
+I can't take that chance... I couldn't live with myself if I did anything to you.	I have the silver bullets in case I need to protect myself. Does that make you feel better?
+Be careful!	Can't you bite me and then I'll be like you?
+Can't you bite me and then I'll be like you?	No. It doesn't work that way. Men can't get PMS. Unfortunately.
+No. It doesn't work that way. Men can't get PMS. Unfortunately.	I'm staying here with you tonight. There's no getting rid of me.
+I knew you wouldn't kill me.	Maybe we should have children. I don't think I'd kill the father of my child.
+Maybe we should have children. I don't think I'd kill the father of my child.	We can work this out. Other couples have worse problems.
+We can work this out. Other couples have worse problems.	Worse than this?
+Worse than this?	Sure. Cheating, lying. What's a little werewolf a few days a month? We can move out to the country where you can feed off deer.
+Sure. Cheating, lying. What's a little werewolf a few days a month? We can move out to the country where you can feed off deer.	What about... those guys... I might have...
+What about... those guys... I might have...	No way can anything be proved. All they have are some wolf hairs. No one believes in werewolves.
+No way can anything be proved. All they have are some wolf hairs. No one believes in werewolves.	I'm so sorry... I... I couldn't help it. You know I didn't mean to... to do any of that.
+I'm so sorry... I... I couldn't help it. You know I didn't mean to... to do any of that.	I know. The important thing is that it stop.
+I'm going to take a shower.	Okay.
+Here's a towel.	Thanks.
+That I'm a doormat of course. The shrink makes more notes.	Oh, I see... interesting theory.
+I think I'm a werewolf.	Let's explore this. What makes you feel you're a werewolf?
+I ate a guy last night.	And how did you feel when you ate this guy?
+And how did you feel when you ate this guy?	I don't know. I don't remember doing it.
+Dreams about killing usually signify feelings of guilt. You had sex last night and you feel guilty.	We didn't have sex.
+We didn't have sex.	"You say you killed a man and don't remember it. Couldn't you have had sex and not remember it? It's sexual. Why did you choose ""eating him"" as the method of killing?"
+"You say you killed a man and don't remember it. Couldn't you have had sex and not remember it? It's sexual. Why did you choose ""eating him"" as the method of killing?"	Cause I'm a fucking werewolf!!
+Cause I'm a fucking werewolf!!	"You use the word ""fucking."" You're sexualizing things. Stop berating yourself. It's okay to have sex."
+It's about Gregory Jameson. He's dead.	Oh my god, what happened?
+Yes... I... we had dinner.	Did he come home with you? Did you go to his apartment?
+Did he come home with you? Did you go to his apartment?	No, it was our first date.
+No, it was our first date.	Looks like it was your only date. Unless you go to his funeral.
+A kiss? Did you have sex with him?	No, I said it was our first date.
+We can get a warrant if you like.	No, take it.
+You heard about Carlton Fraser?	Yes, Jennifer told me. What does that have to do with me?
+Seems you were the last to see Carlton alive. And the last to see Gregory alive.	What makes you think I was the last one?
+No. We left the restaurant, and... and I felt sick... so... so I took a cab home. Alone.	You got a dog?
+You got a dog?	No, I have a cat.
+No, I have a cat.	How big?
+No he's not. He's a courier. He picks up packages from the airport.	Packages of money.
+"So I asked the bartender what ""coyote ugly"" meant. It's like the ""bagger"" system. You know, a two- bagger -- someone so ugly that you need two bags -- one bag to put on their head and another one in case it blows off. Or a three-bagger..."	Two bags for them, and one bag for your head in case her two fall off.
+He was saying that when women are close friends they get their periods at the same time.	Yeah and when we're mad at each other we're out of sync. It only works if you're on good terms.
+Come on, I've been working with Frida. Carlton won't even recognize her now. She's really coming out of her shell.	She's just so... pathetic.
+She's just so... pathetic.	She's just insecure. Once you get to know her she's fabulous.
+She's just insecure. Once you get to know her she's fabulous.	She'll talk about PMS and stare at her salad.
+I wonder how Frida and Carlton are getting along?	Carlton insisted on leaving with her. Maybe he got lucky.
+Carlton insisted on leaving with her. Maybe he got lucky.	So now being with Frida is lucky? I thought you said she was a flake.
+It's for you. Frida.	Tell her I'm eating.
+I'm supposed to put up with a fuckin' cat I'm allergic to cause your friend's got PMS?	It's so bad she becomes a werewolf.
+It's so bad she becomes a werewolf.	You have some weird friends. What does her thinking she's a werewolf have to do with us having the cat?
+You have some weird friends. What does her thinking she's a werewolf have to do with us having the cat?	Don't be stupid George. Obviously if she's a werewolf, she can't be around a cat. She might eat it and besides, cats are afraid of wolves.
+Oh great. What the fuck am I supposed to do?	Take some allergy medicine.
+Take some allergy medicine.	You can't believe this bullshit.
+You can't believe this bullshit.	She's my best friend. I gotta be there for her -- no matter how crazy it sounds. I've been in some bad relationships and she's been there for me. She's lonely. If pretending she's a werewolf helps, then more power to her.
+Jesus Christ she got her period. Relax guys. It happens.	Yeah, sorry. Uh... Gregory's roommate told us you were out with him last night.
+How the hell is that your business?	We're just trying to figure out what happened.
+You want her sheets?	We can just take this pillowcase.
+I was thinking about becoming a cop myself. Do you take a test or something or just sign up?	Why would you want to be a cop?
+Why would you want to be a cop?	I don't know, I guess the outfits are cool. And I want a big gun.
+See he was cheating from the get go.	He's been running money for the Mafia.
+Nah, I don't wanna break up with Wanda, I just wanna see Carmen too.	Man, you're livin' dangerously. Let me ask you somethin', you always have to get women drunk before they'll sleep with you?
+Man, you're livin' dangerously. Let me ask you somethin', you always have to get women drunk before they'll sleep with you?	You kiddin'? They try to get ME drunk.
+You kiddin'? They try to get ME drunk.	You're some catch Lloyd.
+You're some catch Lloyd.	Hey, you hear about the chick that came in today? Said some chick bit her at Victoria's Secret. Bitches are outta control these days.
+He was found a few blocks away.	Torn apart. Limb from limb. A bloody gruesome mess.
+I didn't trust her. All that blood on the sheets. She may look sweet, but she could be a wolf in sheep's clothing. Something's weird.	That dude was torn limb from limb. No way a woman like that could have done it. You never seen blood on a chick's sheets from her period?
+That dude was torn limb from limb. No way a woman like that could have done it. You never seen blood on a chick's sheets from her period?	Hell no, I'm not into that shit. The sight of blood makes me sick.
+Hell no, I'm not into that shit. The sight of blood makes me sick.	Oh, so you decide to be a cop? Seriously? You don't have sex with a woman cause she's on the rag?
+Oh, so you decide to be a cop? Seriously? You don't have sex with a woman cause she's on the rag?	No man. Blood is not a turn on. You sure let that Frida off the hook. You weren't even going to take the sheets. If I didn't know better, I'd think you liked her.
+No man. Blood is not a turn on. You sure let that Frida off the hook. You weren't even going to take the sheets. If I didn't know better, I'd think you liked her.	I can tell she's not a killer. You just don't like her cause you have a hang up about menstruation.
+I can tell she's not a killer. You just don't like her cause you have a hang up about menstruation.	Nah, man, I'm just saying, you should never date a woman who was the last one to see a guy alive.
+Frida's sheets checked out fine. It was just her own blood. From her... you know.	I told you she was innocent.
+I told you she was innocent.	Hey, there was a lot of blood.
+Hey, there was a lot of blood.	She was never a suspect Lloyd. Some animal must have done this.
+She was never a suspect Lloyd. Some animal must have done this.	I checked all the zoos. No missing animals. You think a pitbull?
+Maybe. What about all those hairs they found on his body?	Waiting for DNA tests. He was hairier than Madonna in Penthouse.
+Waiting for DNA tests. He was hairier than Madonna in Penthouse.	Madonna's in Penthouse?
+Madonna's in Penthouse?	Back in the '80's. You didn't see the pictures? They were from before she got famous. She was hairy as hell. Her pits, her bush.
+Back in the '80's. You didn't see the pictures? They were from before she got famous. She was hairy as hell. Her pits, her bush.	Hairy women are kind of sexy. Women in their natural state.
+What?	And you think I'm sick?
+He was found nearly ripped to shreds in Central Park.	And he was missing an arm.
+I still don't get when you gave her back the pillowcase.	We only live a few blocks apart.
+We only live a few blocks apart.	This is more than fishy, this chick dates a dude and he winds up dead.
+This is more than fishy, this chick dates a dude and he winds up dead.	Okay Lloyd, you tell me how she killed them.
+She's got a hidden pitbull. Maybe she hired someone to kill them.	She's not a suspect. What is her motive? There's nothing, NOTHING connecting her to either crime except that she dated both guys.
+She's not a suspect. What is her motive? There's nothing, NOTHING connecting her to either crime except that she dated both guys.	Sounds like you got a conflict of interest.
+Sounds like you got a conflict of interest.	You take the cake Lloyd. Come on, she's not here. Let's check out her psycho ex.
+Nah, East Village poseur was grosser than the dude in the park.	The park dude was missing an arm.
+The park dude was missing an arm.	Poseur was missing a chunk of his neck. And his eyes were open. That always bugs me out. Do me a favor, if some mutherfucker's about to blow me away, remind me to close my fuckin' eyes.
+Poseur was missing a chunk of his neck. And his eyes were open. That always bugs me out. Do me a favor, if some mutherfucker's about to blow me away, remind me to close my fuckin' eyes.	Deal. And if some mutherfucker's about to blow me away, shoot him.
+Deal. And if some mutherfucker's about to blow me away, shoot him.	Yeah okay. I still say Frida's involved. She's the last one to see two dudes alive...
+Yeah okay. I still say Frida's involved. She's the last one to see two dudes alive...	She wasn't the last one to see them alive. Whoever killed them was.
+He means the last that we know of.	This one walk you home too?
+Seems he's stolen money from them. He's desperate and our only lead.	One of our only leads... You had dates with both men right before they were killed.
+Spencer's the key here. Frida is in no way associated with him. And her blood hasn't matched with any of the killings.	It's a bit farfetched that Mark would rip guys to shreds just outta jealousy. This makes no sense.
+It's a bit farfetched that Mark would rip guys to shreds just outta jealousy. This makes no sense.	It's like some fucking monster dropped out of the sky and killed these dudes.
+It's like some fucking monster dropped out of the sky and killed these dudes.	Like a vampire or some shit?
+You think mafia hit?	Hard to tell. Looks like he's been cleaned up and he's decomposing as we speak. This case gets weirder by the minute.
+Hard to tell. Looks like he's been cleaned up and he's decomposing as we speak. This case gets weirder by the minute.	It has to be Frida. This makes three guys ripped apart who are tied to her ass.
+It has to be Frida. This makes three guys ripped apart who are tied to her ass.	Okay Lloyd. First, no way does Frida have the physical strength to tear a guy to shreds. Second, why would she be so obvious and let it be known she was the last one to see these guys? Third, she's the one in danger. She's a woman in jeopardy and you're layin' a murder rap on her. Fourth, I look in her eyes and know she's no killer.
+Okay Lloyd. First, no way does Frida have the physical strength to tear a guy to shreds. Second, why would she be so obvious and let it be known she was the last one to see these guys? Third, she's the one in danger. She's a woman in jeopardy and you're layin' a murder rap on her. Fourth, I look in her eyes and know she's no killer.	And fifth, you're dating her.
+What are you talking about?	I know. I followed you. To the zoo, to her house, to your house...
+I know. I followed you. To the zoo, to her house, to your house...	What the fuck are you following me for? I'm not a suspect here.
+What the fuck are you following me for? I'm not a suspect here.	Which brings up an interesting point. I wasn't following you. I was following the suspect. And you just happened to be there...
+My girlfriend's predicting another murder in the next few days.	What makes her think that?
+What makes her think that?	She says she's on the rag every time I get called in to investigate a murder.
+So... they're on some cycle. The murders... Gregory... then 28 days later... Carlton.	And that was 28 days ago today.
+And that was 28 days ago today.	Did we get those DNA tests back?
+Did we get those DNA tests back?	Just this morning. Animal hairs were found all over the victims.
+Just this morning. Animal hairs were found all over the victims.	What kind of animal?
+What kind of animal?	Can't figure out the species. Similar to a wolf. They're jokin' at the lab that a werewolf probably killed him. Ain't that the stupidest thing you ever heard?
+I need something to keep me awake.	Looks like you need a haircut to me.
+Looks like you need a haircut to me.	Thanks.  Just some pills.
+Thanks.  Just some pills.	Only two bucks.  Shave as well...
+Sell maps?	What of?
+What of?	The city.  I need to get to the ocean.
+The city.  I need to get to the ocean.	Nope.  No maps.  Ocean, huh?  On vacation?
+Mnunn.  Cold lately.  That night, couple weeks ago.  That was real cold.  Remember that?	Not really...
+Not really...	Yeah, Iím like that.  Senility says the wife.  But she sure canít complain.  Heh.  The erector set still works good.  And this ainít no fucking rug! Gíhead.  Feel it!  All mine!
+How long have you been here?	Maybe ten minutes...  Thatís strange.
+Maybe ten minutes...  Thatís strange.	Spinning backwards?
+What's he doing here?	Says he is the man's doctor...  You know...
+Says he is the man's doctor...  You know...	I know it's his doctor...  I need the file on..  Daniel Paul Schreber M.D.
+All the same entry wounds.  It's definitely him.  She lives...  lived here.  A prostitute.	The other one?
+The other one?	His wife.
+His wife.	Jesus.  Small world.  Where's the photographer?
+Jesus.  Small world.  Where's the photographer?	No one available.
+They don't speak English...	How will we interrogate them?
+How will we interrogate them?	Well, sir...  I don't know exactly.
+Police.  Nobody move.	He tried to kill me!
+He tried to kill me!	Shut up!  Everybody stay calm...
+Doctor!  What brings you here?	Just visiting my patient.
+Just visiting my patient.	Really?  And how is his state of mind?
+Really?  And how is his state of mind?	He's seriously disturbed...
+You seem a little edgy.  Everything okay?	Yes, of course.  Everything's fine...
+To tell you the truth, I'm glad we've run into each other like this.  Maybe you can help me tidy some loose ends.	Loose ends?
+I met a friend of yours the other night, doctor.  Tall fellow.  No hair.  Rather pale skin...	I don't know what you're talking about.
+I don't know what you're talking about.	That's surprising.  He was leaving your office at the time...
+That's surprising.  He was leaving your office at the time...	You are mistaken.
+Please, they'll kill me...	I think it's time you introduced us to your little friends.
+In there.	Just like that?
+What is this place?	You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Inspector.  Have patience  - you'll see for yourself.
+Was that for real down there?	I'm afraid so.
+Good evening, sir.	Yes.  This way.
+Why are you wearing that thing on your face?	Germs, sir.  These places are full of them.
+Germs, sir.  These places are full of them.	I see.  One thingís for sure, heís ambitious. Youíll be a busy man from now on.
+What about Thompson, sir?  Wasnít this his case?	Thompson suffered a kind of severe delusion or some damn thing.  Anyway he isnít with us any longer.  The case is yours.  Go through his files. Take what you need.  By the way, howís your mother?
+Thompson suffered a kind of severe delusion or some damn thing.  Anyway he isnít with us any longer.  The case is yours.  Go through his files. Take what you need.  By the way, howís your mother?	Sheís getting better, thanks.  She...
+Why do you want to speak to him?	A hunch.  He might be able to...
+Itís extremely important to my investigation...	Iíll be the judge of that.  Anything else?
+Iíll be the judge of that.  Anything else?	Actually, I was wondering, sir, if you could let me have a few uniforms, to follow up for me...
+Lost something?	What makes you think that!  If you would learn to concentrate on facts, not get so side-tracked  -  you might get things done faster, Bumstead...
+Yes.  That's right.  He's ill  -  he needs expert help.	I see...
+Yes, sir.  I'm sorry...  But I don't understand how it was possible.  The only window was twenty feet up a vertical wall, he was cuffed...	How could you have been so stupid?
+Bumstead, you're starting to annoy me.  This case is very important to me.  Just a little warning:  I've got my eye on you inspector, remember that.	Yes, sir.
+Dammit!	Sorry, sir.
+Sorry, sir.	Donít ever sneak up on me like that! Who are you?
+Donít ever sneak up on me like that! Who are you?	Patricia Crenshaw.
+Iím your new assistant.	I didnít requisition a secretary.
+I didnít requisition a secretary.	The Chief-Inspector thought you might need a hand.
+Iíve taken the liberty and had Inspector Thompsonís office searched, as I believe you instructed.  All clear now, sir.  They found several more traps and things were filed under pretty strange categories... Poor man.	Good.
+Good.	You wonít regret this, sir.
+You wonít regret this, sir.	Fine.
+You typed this report?	Yes, sir.  Anything wrong?
+Yes, sir.  Anything wrong?	Wrong?  Look at this!
+It seems fine.	Fine?  Look here!
+How can I submit this?	Iím sorry...
+Iím sorry...	Do you wash your hands before you type things?
+Do you wash your hands before you type things?	Why, yes.
+Why, yes.	Well be more careful, please.
+Who is it?	Won't say.  Says he must talk to you.
+Won't say.  Says he must talk to you.	Put it through...
+I need everything on the Jonathan White case.	Yes, sir.  Everything?
+Yes, sir.  Everything?	All the important stuff.  Wrap it up for me.
+Where are we going?	Shut-up.
+Why give yourself up?	I  -  ah - couldn't think of anything else to do.  I thought maybe you know something...  I'm scared.
+I  -  ah - couldn't think of anything else to do.  I thought maybe you know something...  I'm scared.	That was a pretty good escape act at the station.  How did you do that?
+That was a pretty good escape act at the station.  How did you do that?	I woke up in a subway.  I don't know how I got there.
+People...  after me.	Who?
+Who?	I don't know who they are.
+I don't know who they are.	Why are they after you?
+Why are they after you?	Don't know that either.
+Don't know that either.	Don't know much, do you?
+They didn't have faces.	What?
+What?	That's right.  Just seamless flesh across the front of their heads.  No mistake.  I just hadn't remembered it that way.  Up until then they had been normal little girls in my memory.  That's not all.  Once I started examining them, all sorts of things about my life, had... inconsistencies.  It was like a game. I would think about a person or a place, or an event.  Then I would turn the lights off.  Sit down in a comfortable chair...  And study each detail of this subject.
+Go on.	Well.  The only thing I've been certain of, all this time, is that I need to get to the ocean.  The point is no one seems to know how to get there.
+Well.  The only thing I've been certain of, all this time, is that I need to get to the ocean.  The point is no one seems to know how to get there.	Why, that's ridiculous.  You just...
+Where do you think this goes?	It sure isn't the fun-fair.
+What now?	This ocean business...  I know where I can find a map.  I need to go back to the station.  Where will you be?
+Can't let you in...  sorry.	I'm on the serial killer case, need to talk.
+I'm on the serial killer case, need to talk.	Not that.  Anything else.
+They've taken my mind, my memories...	What?  Who has?
+What?  Who has?	Is that your idea of a joke?  I don't remember...  Take my advice, Bumstead.  Get off this case.  Now.
+Is that your idea of a joke?  I don't remember...  Take my advice, Bumstead.  Get off this case.  Now.	What is going on?
+Jesus!  We have to get you to a doctor...	No...  No doctor...
+But...  How long has this been happening?	A few days...  a few weeks  -  dunno, I can't remember.  Worse thing is, I never know if it will change back again...  Now, please leave me alone.
+Look!  This is a good one!	What is that door?
+What is that door?	Which one?
+Which one?	There.  Behind the cabinet.  Where does it go?
+Such a joker!  Like your father.	No.  Have a look.
+You see it?	Yes.
+Yes.	Where does it lead?
+Where does it lead?	It must be a closet or something.
+A fanciful idea, Mister White.	Everyone has a job  -  a function.  Each one teaches you more about your invention.  I'm what is called a murderer.
+A book of delusions.  Anything else?	But I...
+But I...	I see.  The verdict, yes...
+I see.  The verdict, yes...	Wait, this isn't fair...
+I didn't realise...	Shut up, freak!  Monster!  You are insignificant.
+No.  I, ah...	You seem restless.
+Someoneís after me.	Then we must call the police.
+Then we must call the police.	No.  I mean...  that isnít necessary.
+I see.  Then who is after you?  What sins have you committed?	Just let me sit here for a moment? Iíll go soon, and stop bothering you.
+Donít kill me!	Shut up!
+Shut up!	Please...
+You remember nothing?  Who you are? What you've done?	You know something about me?
+You know something about me?	Ah, that would be cheating, wouldn't it?  Is there nothing you remember?  Not even a detail?   You must try.
+Ah, that would be cheating, wouldn't it?  Is there nothing you remember?  Not even a detail?   You must try.	You think I haven't been trying!  It's like there was never anything there.  Just water.
+You think I haven't been trying!  It's like there was never anything there.  Just water.	Water?
+Water?	Waves...  A beach.  A woman whispering.  That's all.  I need to stay awake.  Do you have any pills?
+What does she say?  The woman.	Asks my name.  Over and over.  Just like a broken record.  Only thing is, I can't answer.  I've no idea what my name is.
+Asks my name.  Over and over.  Just like a broken record.  Only thing is, I can't answer.  I've no idea what my name is.	Your name is John White.
+Your name is John White.	That's what people keep telling me.
+Bad dreams?	Yes.
+Yes.	Tell me about them...
+If you like.	You're supposed to be my doctor, right?
+You're supposed to be my doctor, right?	That's right.  I am your doctor.
+Known me for long?	Well...
+I cannot say...  You don't know the answer to that?	I told you, I can't remember a thing!
+Did she drown?  The woman you told me about?	Not exactly.  She was found in a canal, disembowelled.  Throat cut. Blood drained.  The body wrapped in a bed-sheet.
+Horrible...	You remember nothing, eh?  Let me show you something.
+We are little more than a sum of memories.  From them we reference who we are, where we're going.  Without a past we are nothing.  This is why you are so interesting.	I'm nothing then.
+I'm nothing then.	Anything but, my friend.
+Can I get my life back?	Maybe.
+I'm sorry.  About before.	I don't blame you for getting angry. You are in a frustrating situation. You must be patient though.  Trust me completely.  I'm here to help.
+What are you doing?	I have to go...
+I have to go...	You can't go yet.  We've got so much to talk about...
+You're a liar!	No, it's the truth.
+No, it's the truth.	So you're telling me the truth this time?  Is that it!
+If you would only take this, inject it in your brain, everything would be much clearer.	Not that again...
+Not that again...	Everyone get's one  -  very much like this...  But this one's special.  It will help you understand, everything...
+You've been working too hard.	Please!  Don't be foolish!  Time is short.  Let me show you something. Look at this syringe.
+Please!  Don't be foolish!  Time is short.  Let me show you something. Look at this syringe.	Why?
+Why?	Don't ask stupid questions.  Look at it.
+It's a trick.	No it isn't.  You are doing it!  Now raise it over the glass and...
+What are you hiding?	Nothing.  I don't know anything!
+What happened to you?	I'm...  being...  punished.
+What is it?	We are...  living in their dreams...
+I thought it would make more sense. I'm getting the pieces, but when I put it together it feels like... Like you're telling me about somebody else's life...	It's the truth...  I need you.  I know you're innocent.
+It's the truth...  I need you.  I know you're innocent.	How do you know I'm innocent?
+How do you know I'm innocent?	Of course you are.  You couldn't do those terrible things.  Come home with me  -  maybe things will make sense then...
+Of course you are.  You couldn't do those terrible things.  Come home with me  -  maybe things will make sense then...	I can't do that.  It's dangerous. What about my parents?  Do you know where I can find them?
+I can't do that.  It's dangerous. What about my parents?  Do you know where I can find them?	They're dead, John.
+How do I get there?  Tell me.	That's easy.  You...
+You understand what you'll be doing?	Yeah... You just want me to wave, right?
+Yeah... You just want me to wave, right?	Wave from the door... go down the stairs... get into the limo...
+Wave from the door... go down the stairs... get into the limo...	`Cause you know I can do other stuff. I mean,  if you wanted me to talk or...
+`Cause you know I can do other stuff. I mean,  if you wanted me to talk or...	Don't say a .
+Don't say a .	Right.
+Uh --Mr. Alexander?	What?
+What?	Is this dangerous or anything?
+Is this dangerous or anything?	No more than the usual.
+No more than the usual.	The usual...
+How much do you usually get paid?	Uh -- I don't know.   Sometimes it's just like a barter thing...  Is this legal?
+First Lady...	Don't worry.  You won't even see her.
+They barely talk anymore.	You're kidding?
+You're kidding?	It happens.  This is where you'll be sleeping.
+Holy cow.	We'll be back for you first thing tomorrow and if you need me for anything, Duane will be right outside the door.
+We'll be back for you first thing tomorrow and if you need me for anything, Duane will be right outside the door.	Oh... Okay.
+Now, remember -- keep it simple.	Don't worry.
+What's with her?	Don't worry about it.
+Okay, let's go over it again. You met a girl, you fell in love...	And we're going away for a holiday.
+And we're going away for a holiday.	For a month.
+For a month.	A month.
+A month.	Right and don't embellish.
+Right and don't embellish.	I promise.  I won't.
+First thing we're gonna work on is the mannerisms.  Alan has put together sort of a training program	Great.
+I'm not certain about...	Oh, sure.  Remember the convention speech?
+Dave...	It's in the little leaguer who may strike out but knows in his heart that at least swung...  Hands to the side...
+Be a professional. If you can convince her - - you can convince anybody.	... Alright.
+... Alright.	Now when she comes in, we'll move you right out to the balcony.  All you have to say is  `thanks for doing this, Ellen.'
+Now when she comes in, we'll move you right out to the balcony.  All you have to say is  `thanks for doing this, Ellen.'	`Thanks for doing this, Ellen.'
+Mr. President...	I mean,  if it's a problem...
+What the hell is this?	What the hell is this ?
+The Washington Post.	No...
+That shelter was in this bill.	Alan
+Alan	Lots of shelters were in this bill.
+Lots of shelters were in this bill.	) Listen, you little...
+Uh, Mr. President... I don't believe that's on your agenda today.	Well it's a last minute change.
+.. Nothing.	Great.
+Choices???	Yes, Bob.   Choices... Now the Commerce Department..,
+What do you think you're doing?!	You mean the press conference?  I have a couple of ideas I wanted to share with the country.
+You mean the press conference?  I have a couple of ideas I wanted to share with the country.	Share...
+You're nothing.  Do you understand me! You're NOBODY...	I'm... not... nobody...
+I'm... not... nobody...	You're lint!  You're a flea!  You're a blip!
+You're lint!  You're a flea!  You're a blip!	Well, maybe I am.  But you're fired.
+... what?	I said you're fired.  Go on -- get outta here.
+Oh... I'm fired?	Yeah.
+You're fired.	Fine...
+Fine?	Fine.
+Die, you pond scum!	I'm the President and as they say 'The buck stops here.'  So I take full responsibility for every one of my illegal acts.
+They say it hit both sides of his brain... Even if he makes it he's gonna be a vegetable.	I can't believe he'd do this.
+I can't believe he'd do this.	I know.
+Where's the girl?	She's a little hysterical right now. We've got her upstairs in a laundry room.
+She's a little hysterical right now. We've got her upstairs in a laundry room.	Nightmare...
+Nightmare...	Look... at some point we're going to have to call the Vice President...
+Look... at some point we're going to have to call the Vice President...	Don't call the Vice President!
+Don't call the Vice President!	... What?
+... What?	Just don't call him, Alan!
+Just don't call him, Alan!	The guy's in a coma, Bob.
+The guy's in a coma, Bob.	I don't give a shit.
+I don't give a shit.	Bob...
+Bob...	This is mine, Al -- all mine ... I made him. I built him.  And no cocksucker is gonna come in here and take it away from me just because he to be Vice President of the United States!
+Till what?	TilT we figure something out.
+TilT we figure something out.	Bob, the guy had a stroke!
+Look, everything can be handled.  We'll just find a way to handle it.	Like how?
+Like how?	Well, start by going on television and saying that he's had a mild stroke...
+Well, start by going on television and saying that he's had a mild stroke...	Mild stroke?
+Mild stroke?	Yes - - and that he ought to be up and around sometime soon.
+Yes - - and that he ought to be up and around sometime soon.	Up and around?  Soon?
+Up and around?  Soon?	Soon.
+A condition...	Exactly. A condition.
+We think so.	Yes.
+Do you know how many different kinds of laws we've broken?	It's simple, Alan.  We send the Vice- President to Africa or something, dig up some dirt on him, force him to resign and get our `President' to nominate a new one.  The whole thing takes a few weeks tops.
+You mean we get `Dave' to nominate you as Vice President.	I was a senator, you know.
+I was a senator, you know.	Oh, I know. And then when our poor President gets another stroke - - of course much more serious this time - - the newly appointed V.P. becomes the Pres...
+Oh, I know. And then when our poor President gets another stroke - - of course much more serious this time - - the newly appointed V.P. becomes the Pres...	What about containment, Alan?
+I got the nurses for fifty grand a piece and the doctors for a hundred. The older one wanted head of the CDC.	Is that everybody?
+Is that everybody?	Duane's guys, but he's got them under control.
+Duane's guys, but he's got them under control.	What about her.
+What about her.	Her?... Oh -- the First Lady...  She was giving that commencement speech up in Bryn Mawr.  I managed to catch her before she left the hotel.
+Her?... Oh -- the First Lady...  She was giving that commencement speech up in Bryn Mawr.  I managed to catch her before she left the hotel.	And...
+And...	I told her his blood pressure went up after a little incident at  `the hotel.' She seems to hate him more than ever.
+I told her his blood pressure went up after a little incident at  `the hotel.' She seems to hate him more than ever.	Fine.
+Fine.	Everybody else is buying the minor stroke'  story...
+Everybody else is buying the minor stroke'  story...	I just hope this yutz can pull it off.
+Clean.	What do you mean, he's clean?
+I mean I've checked everything. Women.  Liquor... Finances.  I went all the way back to his high school race for student body president.	No one gets to be Vice President by being that clean.
+No one gets to be Vice President by being that clean.	The guy's a Boy Scout, Bob.  He declared frequent flyer miles on his income tax return.
+What about the wife?	Clean.
+Clean.	Check his kids.
+Check his kids.	Clean.
+Clean.	Nobody's got clean kids.
+Nobody's got clean kids.	We've got nothing, Bob.  This won't work.
+We've got nothing, Bob.  This won't work.	If we find nothing, we get creative. Just make something up.  Instead of a couple weeks it'll be a couple of months.  The whole thing is under control.
+If we find nothing, we get creative. Just make something up.  Instead of a couple weeks it'll be a couple of months.  The whole thing is under control.	You think we can keep this thing going for a couple of months!
+Okay, let's see... you can have him on Tuesday the 25th...	Are you out of your mind?
+Uh, let me get back to you...	You scheduled a whole day with the First Lady?
+You scheduled a whole day with the First Lady?	It's a homeless shelter.
+It's a homeless shelter.	Oh.  Excuse me.
+Oh.  Excuse me.	It's gonna be great.  'Caring about his wife.'  'Spending time on her favorite issue...'
+It's gonna be great.  'Caring about his wife.'  'Spending time on her favorite issue...'	I don't want him caring about his wife! What about the Vice President!
+I don't want him caring about his wife! What about the Vice President!	Remember that First Liberty stuff we almost got nailed on?
+When does it break?	Couple of days.  Anyhow, look at these tracking polls, they'll burn up in your hands: seventy- three percent with seniors, eighty- four with working mothers...
+Couple of days.  Anyhow, look at these tracking polls, they'll burn up in your hands: seventy- three percent with seniors, eighty- four with working mothers...	Alan, we still have to control this guy...
+Alan, we still have to control this guy...	And look at this.  Russell came around on the trade bill.
+And look at this.  Russell came around on the trade bill.	You're kidding.
+You're kidding.	How long have you been waiting to pass that thing?
+How long have you been waiting to pass that thing?	Three years.
+Three years.	I'm telling you, Bob,  it's a gift. When you got a Ferrari you don't leave it in the garage.
+No!...  WE didn't anything...	Dave, these things get awfully complicated sometimes...
+What's with the cameras?	Hundredth cabinet meeting.  I thought it was a nice touch.
+Hundredth cabinet meeting.  I thought it was a nice touch.	Oh.  Fine.
+Do we have anything on the budget today?	I don't think so.
+What are you gonna do?	I'm going to kill him.
+I'm going to kill him.	You can't kill a President.
+He's not a President! He's an ordinary person.  I can kill an ordinary person.	Bob...
+Bob...	I can kill a HUNDRED ordinary people.
+I can kill a HUNDRED ordinary people.	He's only doing what you told him to.
+He's only doing what you told him to.	What I told him to?
+What I told him to?	I heard you.  You said 'cut three hundred million dollars from the federal budget, and you can keep your homeless shelter.'
+I heard you.  You said 'cut three hundred million dollars from the federal budget, and you can keep your homeless shelter.'	Well, I didn't mean it, Alan. Why the fuck would I want to save a homeless shelter?
+Well, I didn't mean it, Alan. Why the fuck would I want to save a homeless shelter?	He was only doing his job.
+It's not his job -- It's my job!	Bob...
+Bob...	Was he a senator? Is he on the Trilateral Commission? Was he in Who's Who In Washington NINE YEARS Reed wrestles him away from the door, as Bob struggles to get free.  I'll destroy him, Alan. I'll shred the bastard!!!
+Was he a senator? Is he on the Trilateral Commission? Was he in Who's Who In Washington NINE YEARS Reed wrestles him away from the door, as Bob struggles to get free.  I'll destroy him, Alan. I'll shred the bastard!!!	Don't do this.
+Don't do this.	I'll lock him away for good.
+I'll lock him away for good.	Then we'll all go to jail together.
+What do you mean by that?	Just what you think I mean.
+Just what you think I mean.	Are you threatening me?
+Are you threatening me?	Sort of... Yeah.
+Uh-oh...	... But as I began to investigate, I realized that this pattern of corruption extended much higher...
+... But as I began to investigate, I realized that this pattern of corruption extended much higher...	Jesus...
+So you want to go swimming?	Dave -- I'm working.
+Dave -- I'm working.	Oh yeah... Me, too.  You want to get dinner later?
+Oh yeah... Me, too.  You want to get dinner later?	I was gonna do something with Joan.
+I was gonna do something with Joan.	Oh. Okay.  I'll catch ya tomorrow then.
+I'm serious, Dave -- you could get in a lot of trouble for something like this.	It's fine.
+It's fine.	They could put you in jail.
+They could put you in jail.	Why would they do that.  They hired me.
+I don't think so	This is undeclared income.
+This is undeclared income.	And who's gonna find out?
+And who's gonna find out?	The government
+The government	I am the government.
+I gotta tell ya, Dave.  I've been going over this a bunch of times and a lot of this stuff just doesn't add up.  Who does these books?	I'm not sure.
+I gotta tell ya, Dave.  I've been going over this a bunch of times and a lot of this stuff just doesn't add up.  Who does these books?	I'm not sure.
+I'm not sure.	I just think they make this stuff a lot more complicated than it has to be.
+I just think they make this stuff a lot more complicated than it has to be.	I'm not surprised.  Can we save anywhere?
+I'm not surprised.  Can we save anywhere?	Well, yeah.  But you gotta start making some choices.
+Well, yeah.  But you gotta start making some choices.	Choices?
+Choices?	You know -- priorities.  Remember when you couldn't get your car fixed `cause you wanted to get that piano?
+You know -- priorities.  Remember when you couldn't get your car fixed `cause you wanted to get that piano?	You could buy it on payments.
+You could buy it on payments.	Yeah.  That's how you end up with a 400 billion dollar deficit.
+Yeah.  That's how you end up with a 400 billion dollar deficit.	So what do we do?
+So what do we do?	Well, there's lots of places where I think you can save, but I'm not the one who's ....... I mean, I'm not the one who's not the Pres...
+Well, there's lots of places where I think you can save, but I'm not the one who's ....... I mean, I'm not the one who's not the Pres...	It's alright.  I know what you mean. Let's start at the top.
+Thanks. You did great.  Maybe later you could come back and we could go to Camp David or something.	That'd be great.
+That'd be great.	Well -- take care.
+You sure?  A Coke or a Perrier or something?	Oh yeah... 1'm fine...
+Now, Dave, something has come up and I think we need to talk about it...	Look, I'm sorry.  I know you said not to talk, but when I saw the crowd I just got excited...
+Look, I'm sorry.  I know you said not to talk, but when I saw the crowd I just got excited...	We're not upset with you, Dave.  We think you did a terrific job.  Don't we?
+In fact, we think you did such a good job, we'd like to extend things a little bit.	Extend things?
+Extend things?	Extend them.  C'mere for a second.
+Oh my God...	I know...  I know...  It's difficult for all of us.  But sometimes we have to put our personal feelings aside and focus on the gQod of the country.
+I know...  I know...  It's difficult for all of us.  But sometimes we have to put our personal feelings aside and focus on the gQod of the country.	What happened?
+What happened?	Well, it's...  It's sort of an... an `incident'  really...
+It's actually kind of serious, Dave. I'm afraid the President's not in very good shape.	Oh my gosh...
+Will he be alright?	Oh, yeah... probably...
+No.	I'm afraid so.
+I'm afraid so.	Really?   Crazy?
+You know, on an empty road where you know it's safe and nobody's around...	I'm not sure... I might have.
+I'm not sure... I might have.	Well,  let's say your mother was in the car and you had to get her to a hospital.  You'd do it then for sure wouldn't you?
+Well,  let's say your mother was in the car and you had to get her to a hospital.  You'd do it then for sure wouldn't you?	Well... I gues I would... Yeah.
+Well... I gues I would... Yeah.	Now,  let's say the whole country. Was in that car.   The entire United States of America.
+Now,  let's say the whole country. Was in that car.   The entire United States of America.	In the car?
+In the car?	In the car.
+In the car.	I see what you mean.
+Now some of this may feel a bit Strange at first.  You gotta remember that even a professional Politician has Some trouble getting used to...	A teleprompter.
+A teleprompter.	What?
+The teleprompter.  Is it hooked up?	I don't think so.
+I don't think so.	Oh.
+Presence.	Right.  Now whenever he stands at a Podium, the President always puts one hand in the pocket of his coat...
+Right.  Now whenever he stands at a Podium, the President always puts one hand in the pocket of his coat...	At a press conference.
+At a press conference.	What?
+What?	That's at a press conference. Otherwise he just puts `em right out there.
+Thanks, I wrote it.	... Somewhere there is a distant light, guiding us through this rocky shoal...'
+... Somewhere there is a distant light, guiding us through this rocky shoal...'	Dave...
+Dave...	'America isn't in what we say here tonight -- it's in the faces and the smiles of a Sunday afternoon...'  Hand on the heart...
+Dave!	'... It's in the gentle kindness of the family kitchen as we gather together when the sun goes down...'
+I thought you said I wasn't going to see her.	It's just five minutes.  She comes in. You wave to the press. She leaves.
+It's just five minutes.  She comes in. You wave to the press. She leaves.	Yeah, but the First Lady... Couldn't we start with a cousin or something?
+Yeah, but the First Lady... Couldn't we start with a cousin or something?	She hardly ever sees him and it'll be so fast, she won't have a chance to tell.
+Fine.	Fine.
+Gimme a quarter.	What?
+What?	Quick.  Gimme a quarter.
+President vetoes works bill?	We vetoed that?
+Dave, the budget's a very complicated thing.  Even I don't understand it sometimes.  Now occasionally we have to make some cuts and...	But we went there.  We saw those kids.
+Let's call it a night.   I can't take any more.	Right.  We can pick up on the rest tomorrow.
+What do you mean you made it all up?	We had to, Dave. The guy's a choir boy.
+We had to, Dave. The guy's a choir boy.	This is wrong, Alan!
+This is wrong, Alan!	Wrong...
+Wrong...	Alan...
+Alan...	Oh, I know, I know... It looks awfully bad.  It's really embarrassing.  But it was Bob's idea.
+We've got to fix this.	Absolutely.  Well, that might be kind of tough. Once the press starts smelling blood...
+`Dave'?	She knows.
+Now he's making stuff up about me.	He's not.
+Yes, Mr. President?	You're spending forty-three million dollars on an ad campaign to...  'Boost consumer confidence in the American auto industry.'
+You're spending forty-three million dollars on an ad campaign to...  'Boost consumer confidence in the American auto industry.'	And it's proving quite effective...
+And it's proving quite effective...	Does it make the cars any better?
+Does it make the cars any better?	No,  sir.  It's more of a perceptual issue.
+No,  sir.  It's more of a perceptual issue.	Perceptual?
+Perceptual?	Yes, it's designed to bolster individual confidence in a previous domestic automotive purchase.
+Yes, it's designed to bolster individual confidence in a previous domestic automotive purchase.	Why?
+Why?	Well... to shore up product identification and preserve market share.
+Well... to shore up product identification and preserve market share.	So we're spending forty-seven million dollars to make people feel better about a car they've already bought?
+So we're spending forty-seven million dollars to make people feel better about a car they've already bought?	Yes, but I wouldn't...
+Yes, but I wouldn't...	Well I'm sure that's really important, but I don't want to tell some eight- year-old kid he has to sleep in the street because we want people to feel better about their cars.  Do you want to tell him that?
+This is from the people of Burundi...	Oh... Thanks.
+Oh... Thanks.	And these are a gift from the King of To go.
+What are they?	Fertility beads.
+Fertility beads.	Ah.
+Mr. President, may I speak frankly with you?	Certainly.
+Something like what...	Oh, come on, we're not children.  I didn't have anything to do with this Fidelity nonsense and you know it.
+Oh, come on, we're not children.  I didn't have anything to do with this Fidelity nonsense and you know it.	The Fidelity nonsense...
+The Fidelity nonsense...	All I've got is my integrity.  That's all I have.  Now I don't know why you turned your attack dogs on me.
+All I've got is my integrity.  That's all I have.  Now I don't know why you turned your attack dogs on me.	They re not my attack dogs.
+They re not my attack dogs.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	I just fired Bob Alexander.
+Oh... Hi.	Dirty business we're in sometimes.
+Dirty business we're in sometimes.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	He's not gonna win -- not in the end... They never do.
+... Sometimes they do.	Yeah... Sometimes they do.
+You ever think back to how you started.	What?
+What?	You know.  Your first campaign.
+One day my wife says to me 'Why don't you try running for office.  You talk about it all the time, why don't you just do it?'  So I tell my boss I have a dentist appointment and I go down to the registrar of voters on my lunch break.  Next thing I know, I'm a councilman.	Really?
+Really?	My wife was my campaign manager. We had a two thousand dollar budget.
+How'd you get started?	Oh... Kinda the same way.
+Oh my God...  I thought it was a legitimate deduction, I swear to God. See... I need a piano for my work sometimes...	Mr. Kovic.   We're not here about your taxes.
+Mr. Kovic.   We're not here about your taxes.	You're not?
+You're not?	No.
+Your government needs your help.	What?
+What?	On occasion for security purposes, to double for the President at the Secret Service hires someone public functions and exposed situations.
+Really?	We'd like to hire you.
+We'd like to hire you.	Really?
+So, how long have they been like that - - you know, him and the First Lady?	I can't say.
+I can't say.	You mean you don't know or like -- you can't say.
+You mean you don't know or like -- you can't say.	I can't say.
+I can't say.	Oh.
+So you just protect the President the whole time?   That's your whole job?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	You got a gun?
+You got a gun?	Of course.
+You ever use it?	No.
+No.	Huh.  You know what I always wondered the way they say you guys'd take a bullet for the President.
+Huh.  You know what I always wondered the way they say you guys'd take a bullet for the President.	What about it?
+What about it?	Well, is that really true? I mean, would you really get killed just to save his life.
+Well, is that really true? I mean, would you really get killed just to save his life.	Certainly.
+Call Bob and Reed.  Tell them I need them immediately.	But it's ten-thirty at night.
+I was waiting for that jack.	I had a feeling.
+You mean with you and everything?	`Bleed for your king.'
+`Bleed for your king.'	What's that?
+What's that?	First thing they teach you at the academy.  `Don't give me gold and silver, or other worldly things, just the pride and glory of bleeding for my King.'
+First thing they teach you at the academy.  `Don't give me gold and silver, or other worldly things, just the pride and glory of bleeding for my King.'	You're kidding.
+You're kidding.	No... They don't kid.
+But Bill was your king, not Bob.	Yeah, but Bob found me when I was stuck in Firearms and Tobacco...
+Didn't mean to bum you out.	That's okay.  You alright down here by yourself?
+That's okay.  You alright down here by yourself?	Oh, sure.  Don't worry about it.
+Who?	The Vice-President...
+The Vice-President...	Oh... right...  You know, ever since the stroke...
+Well...	Well...
+You sure you don't want a lift back home?	No thanks.  It's not that far.
+I would have taken a bullet for I you, Dave.	Thanks, Duane.
+What are you staring at?	Uh...
+Thanks for doing this, Ellen.	Go tuck yourself, Bill.
+You bet.	I'm outta here.
+Don't you have anything to say to me?	Thanks for doing this, Ellen?
+Thanks for doing this, Ellen?	You don't change, do you, Bill?
+What?	Since when do you care about the homeless?
+I care about the homeless.	Yeah.  I'm sure it's keeping you up nights.
+... How could I what?	Oh, come on, Bill.  Don't patronize me.   I'm not one of your little...  Turn around.  I'm talking to you!... Turnaround!
+... You know, if you want to be the same old bastard, that's fine.  I can handle it.   But don't pull this 'man of the people' bullshit and then do something like this.	I don't understand.
+I don't understand.	That's not just a works bill you vetoed -- that would have given these kids homes...  ... When I think about that little spectacle you pulled with those muppets and that magic trick...
+That's not just a works bill you vetoed -- that would have given these kids homes...  ... When I think about that little spectacle you pulled with those muppets and that magic trick...	What's wrong with a magic trick?
+What's wrong with a magic trick?	You made their funding disappear!
+Look.  If there was some mistake...	There's no mistake, Bill.   If you veto their funding, it's not a mistake. If you hurt someone intentionally, it's not a mistake.
+... . Ellen.	I saw the light.  I thought maybe you were up.
+I saw the light.  I thought maybe you were up.	Oh... Yeah.
+Oh... Yeah.	Mind if I sit down?
+Mind if I sit down?	No.
+That was quite a thing you did today.	Anybody would have done it.
+Anybody would have done it.	Oh, I don't think so.  Still, you helped a lot of people.
+Kind of reminds me of that thing you did back in the state legislature.	Oh yeah?  Me, too.
+Oh yeah?  Me, too.	You weren't in the state legislature.
+I mean, what is it?  Another Secretary? A jaunt to the Bahamas with Some 'campaign worker.'  Where is he?	I don't know.
+When were you all planning to tell me? A year from now?   After the election...  What's going on here? Dave hesitates.	They asked me to help.
+They asked me to help.	I'm sure they did.  'State of Emergency.'  'National Security.' You ever hear of the Constitution?
+You're leaving?	I'm not the First Lady, anymore.  I shouldn't be here.
+I'm not the First Lady, anymore.  I shouldn't be here.	Where are you going?
+Where are you going?	Home.
+Where's home?	Oh, they didn't brief you on that? How sloppy of them.
+Just souvenirs.  Towels and stuff.	You1re leaving, too?
+You1re leaving, too?	I never wanted to hurt anybody.  In fact... I even thought I was helping.
+How were you gonna get home?	I don't know.  I hadn't thought it out that far.
+You sure this goes somewhere?	Truman used it all the time.
+You don't have to keep walking with me.   I'm okay from here.	I don't mind.
+I don't mind.	Thanks.
+He said he'll pick it up in a couple of days.	Oh... Okay.
+What?	It's just so strange...
+I lock at you and I see Bill...  I mean, he's almost dead, but he's right here... I mean, you're right here... alive and...	I'm not Bill Mitchell.
+In fact,  I'm not anything like him and... I guess I want you to know that.	He wasn't always like that, anyway.
+Are you hungry?	What?
+What?	I'm starving.   There's got to be something open around here.
+I really don't have much of an appetite.	Just wait.
+That's a secret.	You have a lot of secrets.
+You have a lot of secrets.	I guess.
+So what do you do the rest of the time?	You mean when I'm not running the country?
+You mean when I'm not running the country?	Yes.
+Yes.	I run a temp agency.
+You know, secretaries and stiff.	You find people jobs?
+You find people jobs?	Yeah.  Is that funny?
+Yeah.  Is that funny?	It's just more than anybody else does around here.
+It's just more than anybody else does around here.	Well don't get carried away -- I'm not that good at it.
+You know, Dave -- it is Dave, isn't it?  I can't keep all of this a secret.	I know.
+I know.	But you could go to jail for it.
+It was okay?	It was inspirational.
+Well I guess...	Yeah... Bedtime.
+What?	I can't.
+I can't.	I know. I'm sorry...
+I know. I'm sorry...	I mean, I want to... I just, I feel strange...
+I mean, I want to... I just, I feel strange...	That's okay.
+What's wrong?	Looks like we're not going to get a chance to get much done.
+They're crucifying you out there.	Yeah, but we got a little bit done. And if you do a little and I do a little... then maybe the next guy'll do a little...
+Yeah, but we got a little bit done. And if you do a little and I do a little... then maybe the next guy'll do a little...	You really believe that?
+You really believe that?	Yeah.  And it's better than not believing it Their faces are inches apart.
+Yeah.  And it's better than not believing it Their faces are inches apart.	I sure fall for some weird guys.
+Yeah.   He's a good man.	What?
+Hi.	Hi.
+Hi.	) Thought I needed a little change.  You like it?
+) Thought I needed a little change.  You like it?	It's nice.
+I saw you on T.V... at his funeral.	Yeah, well... It's finally over.
+I never thought I'd...	I know.
+I know.	I missed...
+I missed...	... Me, too.
+So this is it?	... Not exactly the Oval Office.
+... Not exactly the Oval Office.	Oh... I lived with a President.  It isn't any fun.
+It could be fun.	Yeah... It could be fun.
+I wish I had better news... Our compassion index is off seven points from the last sample and that's down eighteen on the year.  The `Cares About People Like Me' numbers are really in the toilet.  We're off twenty points from March and that was right after we raised interest rates...	Dammit...  I told them no mayo.  See - - I could veto this Simpson Garner thing, but I really don't want to do that...
+The Monroe?	Uh, yes, sir.  The Monroe Hotel...
+Did you get someone to double for me there, out front?	We're working on it.
+We're working on it.	Try to find someone who looks like me this time.  That last guy was a joke.
+Try to find someone who looks like me this time.  That last guy was a joke.	We're doing our best, sir.
+We're all set,  sir.	What about the intro?
+What about the intro?	It'll be on the teleprompter with the rest of the speech.
+It'll be on the teleprompter with the rest of the speech.	It better be.   Last time you had me introduce a dead guy.
+Who's this priest I'm thanking?	Father Mclntire.   He blessed you at the inauguration.
+Father Mclntire.   He blessed you at the inauguration.	Oh yeah.  Did you take care of later on?
+Oh yeah.  Did you take care of later on?	All set.
+All set.	Fabulous.
+Please...senor...destroy me...one bullet...please.	Maybe. We'll have a little talk first. Then....maybe...I can help you out. String him up.
+Please....shoot me.	And if I don't? If I don't you'll come back after your death. You'll come back and find yourself hanging there...wanting to eat...needing to eat human flesh. You hate that thought, don't you? That's the ultimate sin for most of you fools, isn't it?
+After hanging up there a few days you will be mad for food...crazed! You will lust for it! YOU WILL BE WORSE THAN ANY OF THEM!	NO...NOOOOOOO...SHOOT ME! SHOOT ME! SHOOOOOOOOOT MEEEEEEEEE!!!
+NO...NOOOOOOO...SHOOT ME! SHOOT ME! SHOOOOOOOOOT MEEEEEEEEE!!!	I'll bargain with you. How many of you are on the island?
+I'll bargain with you. How many of you are on the island?	Two of us...only two of us...me...and him.
+Two of us...only two of us...me...and him.	I don't believe you, rebel. Where are your headquarters? On the mainland?
+I don't believe you, rebel. Where are your headquarters? On the mainland?	The mainland...is dead...a dead place...nobody there...
+The mainland...is dead...a dead place...nobody there...	Where are your headquarters, rebel? Tell me or I'll let you hang there forever...FOREVER!
+Where are your headquarters, rebel? Tell me or I'll let you hang there forever...FOREVER!	There are no...headquarters. There are no...rebels. Only the walking dead. Don't you see. They have won.
+There are no...headquarters. There are no...rebels. Only the walking dead. Don't you see. They have won.	Then why did you come here?
+Then why did you come here?	To look...look for a place...a place to live in...an empty place...a... new...place...
+To look...look for a place...a place to live in...an empty place...a... new...place...	How did you know we were on this island? Do others know? Will others come?
+How did you know we were on this island? Do others know? Will others come?	Nooooo. Believe me. There are no others...no rebels...nobody...it's over...it's ooooo....
+Help me get him to the boat.	Leave him.
+His madness....could be from shock.	No. I didn't stop the infection in time. I know.  Don't worry. When he dies, I won't be like Maria. I'll shoot him.
+What is it?	I dunno. Landing pad for a helicopter? I dunno.
+It's some kind of....elevator. There must be something under the ground here....maybe....military.	Look.
+What do we do? Let'em know we're here....or what?	Let's just....wait a minute. Get a better look.
+It can't be. Are we truly in hell?	Come on.
+What is it?	The tunnel.
+Are you alright, Doc? You look... you look real bad.	I have looked bad for four years. Everyone in the world has looked bad for four years. Thank God looks don't matter as much as they once did.
+I know it hurts. But it won't be long. Then all the pain will be over. Oh, I wish you could hear me. GOD, GIVE HER THE EARS TO HEAR ME SO SHE KNOWS I DON'T WANT HER TO HURT SO!	Quiet!
+Quiet!	Oh, yes. Quiet. Yes. We must be quiet.
+You'd hold us back. We have to go on.	Hmmmmmm? Oh, yes. Go on.
+Well, Miss Henried, what a coincidence. You're just in time fer a case that seems ta concern you. Guess you didn't care about the other proceedin's we been dealin' with here this mornin'.	I'm sorry. I was...busy. In the lab.
+I'm sorry. I was...busy. In the lab.	Well, you managed ta make it here jus' in time fer this case, didn't ya?
+Miss Henried, I think you better...	...Captain Rhodes is trying to...
+...Captain Rhodes is trying to...	MISS HENRIED, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
+Sir. It's quite clear that...	SHUT UP, MISS HENRIED! I TOL' YA B'FORE!
+SHUT UP, MISS HENRIED! I TOL' YA B'FORE!	THIS IS A TRAVESTY! CAPTAIN RHODES IS...
+THIS IS A TRAVESTY! CAPTAIN RHODES IS...	SIDDOWN, YOUNG LADY! I DONE YUP A SHIT-LOAD O' FAVOURS AND I AIN'T NEVER YET ASKED FER NOTHIN' IN RETURN! NOW HOW'D YOU LIKE TA SPEND TWO WEEKS UP T'THE VEGETABLE FARM YERSELF? THAT'S WHAT IT'LL BE IF YA DON'T SIDDOWN AN' SHUT THE HELL UP!
+Now I think Captain's punishment is fair, considerin'. In fact I think you ain't got shit ta complain about.	I'm sorry, General, if I...spoke out of turn. It's just that...Mr Tyler is not here to defend himself. He has no representation. I don't believe due process is being served by...
+I'm sorry, General, if I...spoke out of turn. It's just that...Mr Tyler is not here to defend himself. He has no representation. I don't believe due process is being served by...	Listen, Missy. I am the only due process that has ta be served aroun' tyere and one of the people doin' the servin' from now on is gonna be you. Now you been prancin' aroun' the Cave like yer ass was glass fer long enough! All that's
+Listen, Missy. I am the only due process that has ta be served aroun' tyere and one of the people doin' the servin' from now on is gonna be you. Now you been prancin' aroun' the Cave like yer ass was glass fer long enough! All that's	gonna change, young lady. Now if you still got a statement you'd like ta make, you can jus' hold onto it 'til tonight.
+gonna change, young lady. Now if you still got a statement you'd like ta make, you can jus' hold onto it 'til tonight.	Tonight?
+Tonight?	That's right. 'Bout eight, if that suits. We'll start out in my gymnasium an' progress on from there...to various other forms o' physical therapy.
+The great state of Florida. People came here fer years ta die. Retire and expire. The rest o' the country used ta think we was nothin' but a bunch o' farts and fogies. Hah! Now this here's the new Capital o' the World! Hah! They came here...died...went to hell...and the Devil sent 'em back as an army. Hah! General Gasparilla's army...MY ARMY!	We think there are other cities surviving. We think maybe Detroit... there's some signalling out of Philly.
+We think there are other cities surviving. We think maybe Detroit... there's some signalling out of Philly.	There's no place like this place. Warm climate. This facility. Christ, there ain't nothin' like this no-damn-where! Even the Feds knew that. That's why they stored so much o' their shit down here. It's all mine now. All mine. Just let 'em try ta come after us down here, which they will some day...take a likin' ta what all we got an' come after us. They'll hafta get past my army! An army that ain't afraid ta die...ha ha ha...'cause it's awreddy DAID! HA HA HA HA....
+There's no place like this place. Warm climate. This facility. Christ, there ain't nothin' like this no-damn-where! Even the Feds knew that. That's why they stored so much o' their shit down here. It's all mine now. All mine. Just let 'em try ta come after us down here, which they will some day...take a likin' ta what all we got an' come after us. They'll hafta get past my army! An army that ain't afraid ta die...ha ha ha...'cause it's awreddy DAID! HA HA HA HA....	It's not a very big army. And small as it is you won't be able to continue feeding it for very long. We've got to find ways of getting them to respond without relying on...
+It's not a very big army. And small as it is you won't be able to continue feeding it for very long. We've got to find ways of getting them to respond without relying on...	You'll find the ways, Miss Mary. And when ya do...we'll sail on over to the mainland...or any other damn mainland fer that matter...and start us a recruitin' program. There's millions o' Bees out there jus' waitin' fer' a General ta lead 'em on ta vict'ry!
+Bees. That's what we call the dead... the walking dead...here on Gasparilla's island.	Gasparilla?
+Gasparilla?	He was a pirate who sailed these waters long ago. His name is bein' borrowed these days by the long lost Henry Dickerson.
+He was a pirate who sailed these waters long ago. His name is bein' borrowed these days by the long lost Henry Dickerson.	Governor Dickerson? Of Florida?
+Governor Dickerson? Of Florida?	That's the man. He's been holed up here ever since the shit hit the fan. Him and his family owned these islands 'round here. They was leasin' this one to the Fed. The whole underneath is dug out. There was missiles here and laboratories and bomb proof housing, nuclear power, all o' that. Now this is Dickerson's....Gasparilla's... private fortress. Him and a bunch o' his cronies from all the best golf courses in Tallahassee...and his private army, of course.
+That's the man. He's been holed up here ever since the shit hit the fan. Him and his family owned these islands 'round here. They was leasin' this one to the Fed. The whole underneath is dug out. There was missiles here and laboratories and bomb proof housing, nuclear power, all o' that. Now this is Dickerson's....Gasparilla's... private fortress. Him and a bunch o' his cronies from all the best golf courses in Tallahassee...and his private army, of course.	We ran up against a platoon of soldiers. There were actually walking dead...in uniform...with guns.
+We ran up against a platoon of soldiers. There were actually walking dead...in uniform...with guns.	Captain Rhodes and his Red Coat Bees. They could sting, sister. We know you came up against 'em. We been watchin' you since you landed. Couldn't help. I'm sorry for that. We ain't supposed to be outside. If we was spotted it could....well, it could be the end of everything.
+Thanks. I can fight my own battles.	I know you can. Like I said, we been watchin' you.
+The man I was with...until today... believed that praying was for blind men who couldn't see the truth.	How we gonna break the curse without a prayer or two.
+How we gonna break the curse without a prayer or two.	Curse?
+Curse?	What is it if it ain't a curse?
+What is it if it ain't a curse?	It's a disease. It's a...a bug...a parasite that infects the brain.
+It's a disease. It's a...a bug...a parasite that infects the brain.	That sounds like a curse to me.
+That sounds like a curse to me.	We thought we were escaping here. We thought we'd found an uninhabited island. Christ! This place is a worse nightmare than anything I've seen yet!
+We thought we were escaping here. We thought we'd found an uninhabited island. Christ! This place is a worse nightmare than anything I've seen yet!	I'm sure that's true, miss. And that's why we're doin' what we're doin'. What's happenin' underground here is just what Lucifer planned for this sinful race o' man. But we're gonna beat Lucifer. We're gonna put an end to what's happenin' here.
+I'm sure that's true, miss. And that's why we're doin' what we're doin'. What's happenin' underground here is just what Lucifer planned for this sinful race o' man. But we're gonna beat Lucifer. We're gonna put an end to what's happenin' here.	Oh, what did I run into? A bunch o' Jesus nuts? Religiosos? Prayer won't stop a bullet from one of those storm troopers and prayer won't keep one of those monsters from eatin' your liver for lunch.
+Oh, what did I run into? A bunch o' Jesus nuts? Religiosos? Prayer won't stop a bullet from one of those storm troopers and prayer won't keep one of those monsters from eatin' your liver for lunch.	That's why we didn't use prayers on this here white coat 'til after he was destroyed. We ready to fight when we have to. And we gotta fight now.
+That's why we didn't use prayers on this here white coat 'til after he was destroyed. We ready to fight when we have to. And we gotta fight now.	Look. I BEEN fightin', mister. I been fightin' for what feels like a hundred years and I'm finished. I don't need religion. I don't need prayers. I need a couple guns and a couple hands. We can sail on outa here. Find another island where there ain't so much....traffic.
+Look. I BEEN fightin', mister. I been fightin' for what feels like a hundred years and I'm finished. I don't need religion. I don't need prayers. I need a couple guns and a couple hands. We can sail on outa here. Find another island where there ain't so much....traffic.	You think you can find your boat? There's a thousand little inlets and backwaters all through here. You remember all the ways you turned to get where you are now? You leave yourself a trail?
+I can find it myself. I didn't come that far.	Farther than you think. You'll get lost. You will. And there's Bees all through the jungle. I ain't lyin' to ya. Religiosos don't lie.
+Farther than you think. You'll get lost. You will. And there's Bees all through the jungle. I ain't lyin' to ya. Religiosos don't lie.	No. They just try to hold you for ransom. Fuck you, Moses! I'm outa here!
+They seem to be havin' a good time. Some punishment.	You disappear in here, darlin'. You get a knife in yer belly or too much shit in yer veins. You get lost out here and nobody's gonna notice. Rhodes, he counts on that. It all makes for food in the freezers.
+Let me go! I'm the one he wants. This is all happening because of me. If I turn myself in...	He's just finding another reason for bumpin' us off. Don't ya see. He needs us ta die. He needs our bodies.
+Toby's right. They're not gonna sit around with their fingers up their asses while we bust up their toys.	Datura.
+Datura.	What?
+What?	Datura Metel. The Devil's Trumpet. Don't worry. I ain't goin' religioso again. It's a flower that grows on these islands. Where I come from the voodoo priests used it whenever they needed a Mickey Finn. It's toxic. Ground up you can put it in a drink or inject it...or...in a sealed area it might be introduced through the ventilation system.
+Datura Metel. The Devil's Trumpet. Don't worry. I ain't goin' religioso again. It's a flower that grows on these islands. Where I come from the voodoo priests used it whenever they needed a Mickey Finn. It's toxic. Ground up you can put it in a drink or inject it...or...in a sealed area it might be introduced through the ventilation system.	Datura! Miguel knew it! Datura, he was shouting! Datura Metel!
+Datura! Miguel knew it! Datura, he was shouting! Datura Metel!	We always planned to use it. We got some ground up already...but we could never find enough.
+We always planned to use it. We got some ground up already...but we could never find enough.	There's hundreds of 'em. Right where we landed our boat.
+Looks like just two. We can take 'em when the time comes.	We're only about a quarter-mile from Cave entrance number five.
+What is it?	It's...he was...one who came to the island with me.
+How long do we have to watch him?	Forever, darlin'. Forever. 'Til he turns ta dust and blows away on the wind.
+It's alright. I'm a friend. I need help and so do you. What's a safe place to talk?	Ain't no place safe.
+Ain't no place safe.	Look...I know you have no reason to trust me. I've got friends in the Cave. I got some stuff comin' out this mornin'. I'm gonna try to get off the island.
+I'm gonna have this stuff sent over to the hospital...	The hospital?
+The hospital?	Yeah. My stuff's all marked with red crosses so nobody gets too nosey. Meet me at the hospital after the supplies come in. Maybe we can find a place there to talk.
+Yeah. My stuff's all marked with red crosses so nobody gets too nosey. Meet me at the hospital after the supplies come in. Maybe we can find a place there to talk.	Maybe.
+What'dya tell that soldier, soldier? You tell him we was rebels?	He's my contact for Chrissake! There's two crates. Can you get me into the hospital?
+There ya go. Complete with air canisters...little motors.	We got a boat.
+We got a boat.	What?
+What?	I say we got a boat. Can you get other stuff?
+I say we got a boat. Can you get other stuff?	I got some fuel comin' out and, I hope, some automatic rifles.
+It won't work. That's pure nitro you're dealin' with there. That stuff can blow if you look at is funny. What're you gonna do, walk into the Cave carryin' those tubes on feather pillows? You don't have a complete layout of the place. Even if you manage to avoid a fight you won't know where to go.	We're hopin' you can show us where ta go, Toby.
+We're hopin' you can show us where ta go, Toby.	Oh, no. I'm tryin' to get off this island alive. I'll help you all I can but I'm not goin' in there on a suicide mission. What can you hope to accomplish? Some radios maybe? A supply room or two? You'll all be killed and in a few weeks they'll be back to business as usual. That place was built to withstand nuclear attack! What are you gonna do with a half-dozen guns and a few sticks of nitro?
+Oh, no. I'm tryin' to get off this island alive. I'll help you all I can but I'm not goin' in there on a suicide mission. What can you hope to accomplish? Some radios maybe? A supply room or two? You'll all be killed and in a few weeks they'll be back to business as usual. That place was built to withstand nuclear attack! What are you gonna do with a half-dozen guns and a few sticks of nitro?	We're gonna blow up the powder magazine.
+We're gonna blow up the powder magazine.	What?
+What?	We know what's down there. We did the loading' and unloadin' when the stuff came ashore in the early days. A direct hit oughta do more than a few weeks worth o' damage.
+We know what's down there. We did the loading' and unloadin' when the stuff came ashore in the early days. A direct hit oughta do more than a few weeks worth o' damage.	A direct hit'll blow the top off this whole island! How're you gonna fuse the stuff? How're you gonna leave yourself time to get out?
+This stuff really works? No shit?	Quicker than gas. And it smells a lot prettier. It usually don't kill but it puts ya under fer a good night's sleep.
+Quicker than gas. And it smells a lot prettier. It usually don't kill but it puts ya under fer a good night's sleep.	If you could knock out the central communications room you could foul up their whole intercom system. Then, if you move fast enough, stay ahead of 'em...without bein' able to signal each other, they might have a hard time catchin' you.
+If you could knock out the central communications room you could foul up their whole intercom system. Then, if you move fast enough, stay ahead of 'em...without bein' able to signal each other, they might have a hard time catchin' you.	I say it's poetic. Pure calypso, brother. The Devil's Trumpet blowin' the notes o' doom for the Devil's troops. Ha ha ha ha ha...
+That entrance is closest to the labs and the Bee cages.	Come on. Let's go.
+That's the general alarm. Jesus! They musta got in!	What you wanna do?
+What you wanna do?	Come on!
+I didn't realise! Those were de-caps! I didn't know that....de-caps... revived!	Any dead whose brains are intact will revive.
+Any dead whose brains are intact will revive.	But...we bury the heads. Oh. God! It must be torture for them!
+But...we bury the heads. Oh. God! It must be torture for them!	They are brutes without feeling. Though I admit that I've requested cremation for myself. Burial is an archaic tradition, even more ridiculous now than it ever was. To say nothing of the...spacing problem...on a small island like this.
+They are brutes without feeling. Though I admit that I've requested cremation for myself. Burial is an archaic tradition, even more ridiculous now than it ever was. To say nothing of the...spacing problem...on a small island like this.	I thought the purpose of decapitation was to...to...
+I thought the purpose of decapitation was to...to...	The purpose of decapitation is to preserve as much...food...as possible. The purpose for feeding is to keep the beasts on our side. The fact that they can be taught to clean up our garbage or to fire a gun is a convenient side benefit, not the primary goal. The primary goal is to keep ourselves from becoming their supper. Keep them fed and they behave. Keep them hungry and they revert back to being the animals that they have always been. You saw them in there.
+He is dying. He knows it.	You are dying, too.
+You are dying, too.	No. The disease was cut away from me. I will live. I will live.
+Prayers have no power to save. The knife can save. It can cut the disease away. The bullet. It can shatter the brain where the evil takes seed. These are saviours...our new saviours...our only saviours.	We must wait. One day the curse will pass. One day a dead man will... will...
+We must wait. One day the curse will pass. One day a dead man will... will...	One day a dead man will refuse to return, and that man will be a saint. The first saint of our century. That's a prayer, too. A catechism. Something the priests tell us to believe.
+One day a dead man will refuse to return, and that man will be a saint. The first saint of our century. That's a prayer, too. A catechism. Something the priests tell us to believe.	You can believe this, Miguel. I'll kill you if you shoot. We must wait. I'll....I'll do it....I'll do it myself....when it needs to be done.
+You can believe this, Miguel. I'll kill you if you shoot. We must wait. I'll....I'll do it....I'll do it myself....when it needs to be done.	No. You won't be able to do it. He will rise. He will rise and you... you will die.
+Dios mia.	I tol' him. I tol' him this is a dead place. Like all the others.
+TONY....TONY....	PULL IN! GET THE OTHERS.
+Aaaaaaah...my God...my God...I am heartily sorry...for having offended Thee....offended Thee...	Shhhhh....Tony. Rest, rest.
+Shhhhh....Tony. Rest, rest.	I detest all my sins...because... because of Thy just punishment... because of Thy...just...punish...
+NOOOOOOOOO!	...but most of all because...they offend Thee, my God...Who art all good...and deserving...deserving of all my love...
+Come, come, Miss Science. You've seen worse.	God....damn you, Rhodes!
+God....damn you, Rhodes!	God has damned us all. Are my atrocities worse than yours?
+God has damned us all. Are my atrocities worse than yours?	You have ruined weeks of work here! We've been trying to wean these specimens onto alligator meat!
+You have ruined weeks of work here! We've been trying to wean these specimens onto alligator meat!	No wonder they're so....hungry.
+You gave them a fresh taste of blood!	They will never be satisfied with anything else, Miss Henried. They want human flesh. I'm prepared to take whatever steps are necessary to see to it they don't get mine! Not while I'm still using it!
+You can't run away from the planet, Miss Science. You can't even run away from the island, heh heh.	Leave me alone, you...COCKSUCKER!!!
+You're....you're disgusting! You're....FILTH!	And you're the one who builds the bomb and they says, 'I hope it'll never actually be used'.
+Julie Grant is a behaviouralist. She's not medical. She hasn't been as...exposed to...to things...as some of the rest of us. She'll be alright. I'll talk to her. She'll be alright.	Oh, I have no doubt.
+Oh, I have no doubt.	If you put her on the shit list because of her reaction here tonight I'll go to Dickerson.
+If you put her on the shit list because of her reaction here tonight I'll go to Dickerson.	Ah, yes, our noble Gasparilla does seem to favour you lately. I understand he assigned you a roommate of your choice. The rest of us have to pick names out of a hat.
+Ah, yes, our noble Gasparilla does seem to favour you lately. I understand he assigned you a roommate of your choice. The rest of us have to pick names out of a hat.	Rhodes, you and I had a roll in the hay together when I first got here. It was a wholly unsatisfying experience which I do not want to, and which I never will repeat! So give up, mister! I'm going home...to that roommate you mentioned.
+I had an unfortunate little run-in with him today. In fact...you might say that Mr. Tyler is in big trouble with the...authorities.	You better not mess with me, Rhodes. I'd love to serve your balls to those Red Coats for lunch! Think about it!
+You better not mess with me, Rhodes. I'd love to serve your balls to those Red Coats for lunch! Think about it!	No, Miss Science. You're the one who needs to do some thinking.
+Sir. In the matter of the State versus Private Tyler, I don't want to...	Sir, Tyler is innocent of any crime against the State. Captain Rhodes is...
+Toby...thank God...wait here. I gotta find out what's goin' on.	Hey. Slow down. What is it?
+Hey. Slow down. What is it?	Some of Rhodes' men. At the door.
+Some of Rhodes' men. At the door.	That bastard. I didn't think he'd make his move so fast.
+That bastard. I didn't think he'd make his move so fast.	It's because of me.
+It's because of me.	Oh, bullshit, Mary. It's because Rhodes is a prick.
+Oh, bullshit, Mary. It's because Rhodes is a prick.	I want you to leave. Then maybe...
+I want you to leave. Then maybe...	We're both gonna leave. Leave the island. I've been talkin' to Tricks. We think we can smuggle out one of those inflatable rafts. They're crated up real small. They've got air canisters. There's food inside. Even a little motor.
+We're both gonna leave. Leave the island. I've been talkin' to Tricks. We think we can smuggle out one of those inflatable rafts. They're crated up real small. They've got air canisters. There's food inside. Even a little motor.	I am not...a guerilla fighter, Toby. I'm not a pioneer. I'm not...I'm not strong that way. I need...
+I am not...a guerilla fighter, Toby. I'm not a pioneer. I'm not...I'm not strong that way. I need...	Need what? Civilised order like we have down here? Christ!
+Need what? Civilised order like we have down here? Christ!	I can work here. Maybe my work can help...help everyone. I can do more good with access to this equipment than I can off in some wasteland.
+I can work here. Maybe my work can help...help everyone. I can do more good with access to this equipment than I can off in some wasteland.	For the good of mankind. That's what every monster-maker says.
+Mary.	I'll have somebody's ass for this. I'll have your ass, soldier. I'm not gonna stand here and...
+I'll have somebody's ass for this. I'll have your ass, soldier. I'm not gonna stand here and...	MARY!
+Where are you going, Tyler?	"My...""detail"", sir. We're going to bury the heads."
+"My...""detail"", sir. We're going to bury the heads."	No time for that. I'll take care of them.
+No time for that. I'll take care of them.	Just....following procedure, sir. They're entitled to burial.
+Just....following procedure, sir. They're entitled to burial.	I said, I'll take care of them. Just leave them there. Go help with the rest of the gear.
+Step up here, Tyler.	Sir!
+You fired that shot, didn't you?	No, sir.
+No, sir.	Let me see your weapon.
+It's been fired.	In the battle, sir.
+Hey, Tricks. Some detail they got you on.	Not as bad as yours, pal.
+Not as bad as yours, pal.	What'dya get?
+What'dya get?	Rafts. Two 38s. A little ammo.
+Rafts. Two 38s. A little ammo.	We need fuel, and a couple automatics.
+Tricks...Jesus...	I'm alright. Let's go.
+No relation.  Never heard of him. Sorry.	Say Steve, where's your manners?  Here's Mutt's brother and you don't offer him a drink? Want some bourbon?
+Say Steve, where's your manners?  Here's Mutt's brother and you don't offer him a drink? Want some bourbon?	Actually I don't
+So what the hell's Mutt been up to?	Actually I don't really know Mutt.
+Actually I don't really know Mutt.	To fucking Mutt.
+Well, I'd better find Patsy.  Say hello to Mutt for me.	Will do.
+Sounds boring to me.	Don't come.
+Don't come.	You know how many demerits we're talking?
+You know how many demerits we're talking?	So don't goddam come!  Please.
+So don't goddam come!  Please.	All I'm saying is we have to be careful. We can't get caught.
+All I'm saying is we have to be careful. We can't get caught.	Well, no shit, Sherlock
+I'm in as long as we're careful.	Knox?
+Do they go to Henley Hall?	I don't think they're in school.
+I don't think they're in school.	They're townies?!
+They're townies?!	Cameron, what is the matter with you. You act like they're your mother or something.  You afraid of them?
+Cameron, what is the matter with you. You act like they're your mother or something.  You afraid of them?	Hell no, I'm not afraid of them just, if we get caught with them, we're dead.
+Charlie Dalton.	Knox Overstreet.
+Why doesn't he let you do what you want?	Yeah!  Tell him off!  It couldn't get any worse.
+How was dinner?	Terrible.  Awful!  I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life!
+"Thigh man?  Mr. ""K"" was a hell raiser."	What is the Dead Poets Society?
+I don't know.  I don't get it.	Come on.  It'll help you get Chris.
+Come on.  It'll help you get Chris.	It will?  How do you figure?
+It will?  How do you figure?	Women swoon!
+Women swoon!	But why?
+The millions are awake enough for Physical labor; but only one in a million is awake enough for effective intellectual exertion, only one in a hundred millions to a poetic or divine life.  To be awake is to be alive.	Hey, this is great.
+I feel like I've never been alive.  For years I've been risking nothing.  I have no idea what I am or what I want to do! Neil, you know you want to act.  Knox wants Chris.	Needs Chris!  Must have Chris!
+Needs Chris!  Must have Chris!	Meeks, you're the brain here.  What do the dead poets say about somebody like me?
+God, I can't take it anymore!  If I don't have Chris, I'll kill myself.	Knox, you gotta calm down.
+Knox, you gotta calm down.	No, I've been calm all my life!  If I don't do something, it's gonna kill me.
+Can you believe it?  She was gonna call me!  She invited me to a party with her!	At Chet Danburry's house.
+At Chet Danburry's house.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Well?
+Well?	So?
+So?	So you really think she means you're going with her?
+So you really think she means you're going with her?	Well hell no, Charlie, but that's not the point.  That's not the point at all!
+Well hell no, Charlie, but that's not the point.  That's not the point at all!	What is the point?
+What is the point?	The point is she was thinking about me! I've only met her once and already she's thinking about me.  Damn it, it's gonna happen!  I feel it.  She's going to be mine!
+How'd it go?  Did you read it to her?	Yep.
+What do you mean you don't know?	I'll tell you later.
+"Well, welcome to ""Hell""ton."	It's every bit as hard as they say. Unless you're a genius like Meeks.
+It's every bit as hard as they say. Unless you're a genius like Meeks.	He flatters me so I'll help him with Latin.
+He flatters me so I'll help him with Latin.	And English, and trig
+Oh come on, Cameron, don't you get anything?	How about a trig study group?  Right after dinner.
+All right.  I'll try anything once.	Except sex.
+Yaa, I'm a dead poet!	Ahh!  Eat it, Dalton!
+Ahh!  Eat it, Dalton!	This is it.
+Hey guys, why don't you show Tina the Dead Poets garden?	Garden?
+Well...	Oh come on, Pitts...
+I hereby declare this the Charles Dalton Cave for Passionate Experimentation.  In the future, anyone wishing entry must have permission from me.	Wait a minute, Charlie. This should belong to the club.
+Wait a minute, Charlie. This should belong to the club.	It should, but I found it and now I claim it.  carpe cavern, guys.  Seize the cave.
+Well, of course not.  It's just that... You could have warned us.	I thought I'd be spontaneous.  I mean, that's the point of this whole thing, isn't it?
+Oh God, it's over now!	Why? Nobody knows who we are.
+Why? Nobody knows who we are.	Don't you think they'll figure out who did it?!  Don't you know they'll come to you and demand to know what the Dead Poets Society is?   Charlie, you had no right to do something like that!
+Don't you think they'll figure out who did it?!  Don't you know they'll come to you and demand to know what the Dead Poets Society is?   Charlie, you had no right to do something like that!	It's Nuwanda, Cameron.
+Damn it, Nuwanda.  You idiot.	I couldn't stop myself.
+But what if they see it, Nuwanda?	So much the better.
+I here and now commit myself to daring!	So avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy.  A man is not very tired, he is exhausted.  Don't use very sad, use morose.  Language was invented for one reason, boys--to woo women--and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do.  It also won't do in your essays.
+Mr. Keating!	I don't know what misguided impulse caused you to pull that ridiculous stunt, Mr. Dalton, but, whatever it was, I hope you've learned your lesson.
+I don't know what misguided impulse caused you to pull that ridiculous stunt, Mr. Dalton, but, whatever it was, I hope you've learned your lesson.	You're siding with Mr. Nolan?!  What about carpe diem and sucking all the marrow out of life and all that?
+You're siding with Mr. Nolan?!  What about carpe diem and sucking all the marrow out of life and all that?	Sucking out the marrow doesn't mean getting the bone stuck in your throat, Charles.  You still have responsibilities to yourself and those who care about you.
+Sucking out the marrow doesn't mean getting the bone stuck in your throat, Charles.  You still have responsibilities to yourself and those who care about you.	But I thought-
+Yeah?  Like what?	Like, if nothing else, the opportunity to attend my classes, understand?
+Like, if nothing else, the opportunity to attend my classes, understand?	Yes sir.
+Yes sir.	So keep your head about you--the lot of you--understood?
+Anything else you'd care to rifle through, Mr. Dalton?	I'm sorry.  I, we
+It's such a strange name!  Won't you tell us what it means?	I told you, that's a secret.
+I told you, that's a secret.	Isn't he precious?
+Yeah!    Don't you guys miss having girls here?	Miss it?  It drives us crazy.  That's part of what this club is about.  In fact, I'd like to announce that I've published an article in the school paper, in the name of the Dead Poets society, demanding girls be admitted to Welton, so we can all stop beating off.
+That's right, it's Nuwanda.	And are we just playing around out here or do we mean what we say?  If all we do is come and read a bunch of poems to each other, what the hell are we doing?
+I think he's sweet.	I think you're sweet.
+You know what really excites me about you?	What?
+What?	Every guy that I meet wants me for one thing my body.  You're not like that.
+Every guy that I meet wants me for one thing my body.  You're not like that.	I'm not?
+I'm not?	No!  Anybody else would have jumped my bones by now but you're after my soul. Make me up some more poetry.
+No!  Anybody else would have jumped my bones by now but you're after my soul. Make me up some more poetry.	But...
+But...	Please!    It's so wonderful to be appreciated for my mind!
+Nuwanda?  Please?	"All right!  I'm thinking!  ""Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments; love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds Or bends with the remover to remove."""
+Don't stop.	"""O, no, it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."""
+"""O, no, it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."""	This is better than sex any day.  This is romance!
+Welcome. back, Mr. Dalton.  How's your father?	Doing fine, sir.
+Doing fine, sir.	Your family move into that new house, Mr. Overstreet?
+Yes sir.  We were just talking about that.	Good.  We're very excited about him.  He was a Rhodes Scholar, you know.
+Welton Academy, hello?  Yes, he is, just a moment.  Mr. Nolan, it's for you.	what?!
+Who else was involved in this?	No one, sir.  It was just me.  I did the proofing so I inserted my article in place of Rob Crane's.
+No one, sir.  It was just me.  I did the proofing so I inserted my article in place of Rob Crane's.	Mr. Dalton, if you think you're the first to try to get thrown out of this school, think again.  Others have had similar actions and they have failed just as surely as you will fail.  Bend over and grab your shins.
+Do you still insist that this was your idea and your idea alone?	Yes... sir.
+Yes... sir.	"What is this ""Dead Potts Society""?  I want names."
+"What is this ""Dead Potts Society""?  I want names."	It's only me, Mr. Nolan.  I swear. I made it up.
+It's only me, Mr. Nolan.  I swear. I made it up.	If I find that there are others, Mr. Dalton, they will be expelled and you will remain enrolled.  Stand up.
+Hey, I heard you went to summer school?	Yeah, chemistry.  My father thought I should get ahead.
+Yeah, chemistry.  My father thought I should get ahead.	Well, Meeks aced Latin and I didn't quite flunk English so if you want, we've got our study group.
+Well, Meeks aced Latin and I didn't quite flunk English so if you want, we've got our study group.	Sure, but Cameron asked me too.  Anybody mind including him?
+Sure, but Cameron asked me too.  Anybody mind including him?	What's his specialty, brown-nosing?
+Hey, he's your roommate.	That's not my fault.
+Todd's brother is Jeffrey Anderson.	Oh yeah.  Sure.  Valedictorian, National Merit Scholar
+Okay, so I don't like it any more than you do.  I'm just saying	Then don't tell me how to talk to my father when you're the same way.  All right?!
+I don't know about anyone else, but I could use a refresher in Latin.  Eight o'clock in my room?	Sure.
+Sure.	You're welcome to join us, Todd.
+Who's in?	I'm in.
+"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately.""  I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life!"""	All right.  I'll second that.
+All right.  I'll second that.	To put the rout all that was not life.  And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.  Pledge Overstreet.
+Charlie, That was great!  Where did you learn to play like that?	My parents made me take clarinet but I hated it.  The sax is more sonorous.
+Charlie...	It's Nuwanda.
+It's Nuwanda.	Nuwanda, what is going on?
+Nuwanda, what is going on?	Nothing, unless you object to having girls here.
+Where'd you find them?	They were walking along the fence past the soccer field.  Said they were curious about the school so I invited them to the meeting.
+You what?!  How did you do that?	I'm one of the proofers.  I slipped the article in.
+You still shouldn't have done it, Charlie.  You don't speak for the club.	Hey, would you not worry about your precious little necks?  If they catch me, I'll tell them I made it up.  All your asses are safe.  Look, Gloria and Tina didn't come here to listen to us argue. Are we gonna have a meeting or what?
+What happened? Were you kicked out?	No.
+No.	What happened?
+What happened?	I'm supposed to turn everybody in, apologize to the school and all will be forgiven.
+What are you going to do? - Charlie?	Damn it, Neil, the name is Nuwanda.
+Why don't you talk to Mr. Keating about it?	What good will that do?
+What good will that do?	Maybe he'll have some advice.  Maybe he'll even talk to your father.
+Maybe he'll have some advice.  Maybe he'll even talk to your father.	Are you kidding?  Don't be ridiculous.
+This is stupid.	It's better than doing nothing.
+It's all right, Chet.	It's not all right.  Come on, Dad
+Chris.  We got it.  Let's go.	Nice meeting you, Knox.  Bye, Gin.
+Oh Chet, that feels fabulous,	It does?  What?
+It does?  What?	You know,
+Don't stop.	Stop what?
+Stop what?	Chet...
+What are you doing?!	Knox?!
+You fucked up little prick!	Chet, you don't have to hurt him.
+Pleased to meet you.	The pleasure is mine.
+So, uh, where are you in school?	Ridgeway High.  How's Henley Hall, Gin?
+That's your sister school, right?	Sort of.
+Sort of.	"You going out for the Henley Hall play?  They're doing ""A Midsummer Night's Dream."""
+Hello?	Hello Chris, this is Knox Overstress.
+Hello Chris, this is Knox Overstress.	Knox.  Oh yes, Knox.  I'm glad you called.
+Knox.  Oh yes, Knox.  I'm glad you called.	You are?  She's glad I called!
+Well, sure!	Chet's parents don't know about it, so please keep it quiet.  But you can bring someone if you like.
+Chet's parents don't know about it, so please keep it quiet.  But you can bring someone if you like.	I'll be there.  The Danburrys.  Friday night.  Thank you, Chris.
+Oh, hi.  I'm glad you made it.  Did you bring anybody?	No.
+No.	Ginny Danburry's here.  Look for her.
+Ginny Danburry's here.  Look for her.	But, Chris...
+But, Chris...	I gotta find Chet.  Make yourself at home.
+carpe breastum.  Seize the breast.	Huh?
+Chris!	Knox!  what are you doing here?
+If Chet sees you, he'll kill you, don't you know that?	I don't care.  I love you, Chris.  You deserve better than Chet and I'm it. Please accept these.
+I don't care.  I love you, Chris.  You deserve better than Chet and I'm it. Please accept these.	Knox, you're crazy.
+Knox, I don't believe this!	"All I'm asking you to do is listen.  ""The heavens made a girl named Chris, With hair and skin of gold To touch her would be paradise To kiss her glory untold."""
+Chris!	Knox, why are you doing this to me?
+Knox, why are you doing this to me?	You can't be in here.
+If they catch you here, we'll both be in big trouble.	Oh, but it's fine for you to come barging into my school and make a complete fool out of me?
+Oh, but it's fine for you to come barging into my school and make a complete fool out of me?	I didn't mean to make a fool of you.
+I didn't mean to make a fool of you.	Well, you did!  Chet found out and he's nuts.  It took everything I could do to keep him from coming here and killing you. You have to stop this stuff, Knox.
+Well, you did!  Chet found out and he's nuts.  It took everything I could do to keep him from coming here and killing you. You have to stop this stuff, Knox.	But I love you.
+But I love you.	You say that over and over but you don't even know me!
+Of course I know you!  From the first time I saw you, I knew you had a wonderful soul.	Just like that?!  You just knew?
+Just like that?!  You just knew?	Of course just like that.  That's how you always know when it's right.
+Of course just like that.  That's how you always know when it's right.	And if it so happens that you're wrong? If it just so happens that I could care less About you?
+And if it so happens that you're wrong? If it just so happens that I could care less About you?	Then you wouldn't be here warning me about Chet.
+Look, I've got to go.  I'm gonna be late for the play.	Are you going with Chet?
+Are you going with Chet?	Chet?  To a play? Are you kidding?
+Chet?  To a play? Are you kidding?	Then come with me.
+Then come with me.	Knox, you are so infuriating!
+Knox, you are so infuriating!	Just give me one chance.  If you don't like me after tonight, I'll stay away forever.
+Just give me one chance.  If you don't like me after tonight, I'll stay away forever.	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	I promise.  Dead Poets honor.  Come with me tonight, then if you don't want to see me again, I swear I'll bow out.
+I promise.  Dead Poets honor.  Come with me tonight, then if you don't want to see me again, I swear I'll bow out.	God, if Chet found out he'd...
+God, if Chet found out he'd...	Chet won't know anything.  We'll sit in back and sneak away as soon as it's over.
+Chet won't know anything.  We'll sit in back and sneak away as soon as it's over.	Knox, if you promise that this will be the end of it-
+Knox, if you promise that this will be the end of it-	Dead Poets honor.
+Dead Poets honor.	What is that?
+What is that?	My Word
+I have to go home. Chet might call.	It's just for a little while. You promised.
+We thought it would be good to break old habits, sir.	What is wrong with old habits, Mr. Overstreet?
+What is wrong with old habits, Mr. Overstreet?	They perpetuate mechanical living, sir. They limit your mind.
+They perpetuate mechanical living, sir. They limit your mind.	Mr. Overstreet, I suggest you worry less about breaking old habits and more about developing good study habits.  Do you understand?
+Mr. Overstreet, I suggest you worry less about breaking old habits and more about developing good study habits.  Do you understand?	Yes sir.
+Yes sir.	That goes for all of you.  Now eat with your correct hands.
+"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.  The Latin term for that sentiment is ""Carpe Diem."" Anyone know what that means?"	Carpe Diem... seize the day.
+Carpe Diem... seize the day.	Very good, Mr._?
+Very good, Mr._?	Meeks.
+Meeks.	Seize the day while you're young, see that you make use of your time.  Why does the poet write these lines?
+The hoi polloi.  Doesn't it mean the herd?	"Precisely, Meeks. Greek for the herd. However, be warned that, when you say ""the hoi polloi"" you are actually saying the the herd.  Indicating that you too are ""hoi polloi."""
+And don't limit poetry to the word. Poetry can be found in a work of art, music, a photograph, in the way a meal is prepared--anything with the stuff of revelation in it.  It can exist in the most everyday things but it must never, never be ordinary  By all means, write about the sky or a girl's smile but when you do, let your poetry conjure up salvation day, doomsday, any day, I don't care, as long as it enlightens us, thrills us and--if it's inspired--makes us feel a bit immortal.	Oh, Captain, My Captain. Is there poetry in math?
+Oh Captain, My Captain.  What if we don't know anything about someone like Rahesh Non?	Rahesh Non never existed, Mr. Meeks. You make him or someone like him up.  No self important college professor such as this one would dare admit ignorance of such an obviously important figure and you will probably receive a comment similar to the one I received:
+We used to meet here on special occasions. Who would like to convene the meeting?	"""We went to the woods because we wanted to suck all the marrow out of life."" Anybody want to read?"
+This was my first classroom, John, did you know that?  My first desk.	I didn't know you taught.
+I didn't know you taught.	English.  Way before your time.  It was hard giving it up, I'll tell you.  I'm hearing rumors, John, of some unusual teaching methods in your classroom.  I'm not saying they have anything to do with the Dalton boy's outburst, but I don't think I have to warn you that boys his age are very impressionable.
+English.  Way before your time.  It was hard giving it up, I'll tell you.  I'm hearing rumors, John, of some unusual teaching methods in your classroom.  I'm not saying they have anything to do with the Dalton boy's outburst, but I don't think I have to warn you that boys his age are very impressionable.	Your reprimand made quite an impression I'm sure.
+Your reprimand made quite an impression I'm sure.	What was going on in the courtyard the other day?
+What was going on in the courtyard the other day?	Courtyard?
+Courtyard?	Boys marching.  Clapping in unison.
+Boys marching.  Clapping in unison.	Oh that. That was an exercise to prove a point.  About the evils of conformity.
+Oh that. That was an exercise to prove a point.  About the evils of conformity.	John, the curriculum here is set.  It's proven.  It works.  If you question it, what's to prevent them from doing the same?
+John, the curriculum here is set.  It's proven.  It works.  If you question it, what's to prevent them from doing the same?	I always thought education was learning to think for yourself.
+I always thought education was learning to think for yourself.	At these boys' age? Not on your life! Tradition, John.  Discipline.  Prepare them for college, and the rest will take care of itself.
+A yawp?	A barbaric yawp.
+Good god, boy! Yell!	Yawp!
+Yawp!	Again!  Louder!
+Again!  Louder!	YAWP!
+YAWP!	LOUDER!
+LOUDER!	AHHHHHH!
+AHHHHHH!	All right!  Very good!  There's a barbarian in there after all!
+Todd, there's a picture of Whitman over the door.  What does he remind you Of? Quickly, Anderson, don't think about it.	A madman.
+A madman.	A madman.  Perhaps he was.  What kind of madman?  Don't think!  Answer.
+A madman.  Perhaps he was.  What kind of madman?  Don't think!  Answer.	A crazy madman.
+A crazy madman.	Use your imagination!  First thing that pops to your mind, even if it's gibberish!
+Use your imagination!  First thing that pops to your mind, even if it's gibberish!	A... A  sweaty-toothed madman.
+A... A  sweaty-toothed madman.	Now there's the poet speaking!  Close your eyes and think of the picture. Describe what you see.  NOW!
+Now there's the poet speaking!  Close your eyes and think of the picture. Describe what you see.  NOW!	I... I close my eyes.  His image floats beside me.
+I... I close my eyes.  His image floats beside me.	A sweaty-toothed madman
+A sweaty-toothed madman	A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain.
+A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain.	Excellent!  Have him act.  Give it rhythm!
+Excellent!  Have him act.  Give it rhythm!	His hands reach out and choke me All the time he mumbles slowly.  Truth... Truth is like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
+Stretch it, pull it, it will never cover any of us.  Kick at it, beat at it, it will never be enough-	Don't stop!
+Don't stop!	From the moment we enter crying to the moment we leave dying,  It will cover just your head as you wail and cry and scream!
+Come on boys, don't be shy.	I have something.
+Mr. Keating? Sir? Oh Captain My Captain.  What was the Dead Poets Society?	Ah, so you boy's have been snooping.
+Ah, so you boy's have been snooping.	I was just looking in an old annual and...
+I was just looking in an old annual and...	Nothing wrong with research.
+What did the name mean.  Did you only read dead poets.	All poetry was acceptable.  The name simply referred to the fact, that to join the organization, you had to be dead.
+Oh Captain, My Captain, we came here so I could talk to you about something.	Okay.
+Okay.	Actually, I'd like to talk to you alone.
+Gosh, they don't give you much room around here, do they?	Maybe they don't want worldly things distracting me from my teaching.
+Maybe they don't want worldly things distracting me from my teaching.	Why do you do it?  I mean, with all this seize-the-day business, I'd have thought you'd be out seeing the world or something?
+Why do you do it?  I mean, with all this seize-the-day business, I'd have thought you'd be out seeing the world or something?	Ah, but I am seeing the world, Neil. The new world.  Seeing a student like you take root and bloom.  It's worth everything.  That's why I came back here. A place like this needs at least one teacher like me.  Did you come here to talk about my teaching?
+Ah, but I am seeing the world, Neil. The new world.  Seeing a student like you take root and bloom.  It's worth everything.  That's why I came back here. A place like this needs at least one teacher like me.  Did you come here to talk about my teaching?	Mr. Keating, my father is making me quit the play at Henley Hall.  When I think about carpe diem and all that, I feel like I'm in prison!  I mean, I can see his point.  We're not a rich family like Charlie's.  But he's planned the rest of my life for me and he's never even asked me what I want!
+Mr. Keating, my father is making me quit the play at Henley Hall.  When I think about carpe diem and all that, I feel like I'm in prison!  I mean, I can see his point.  We're not a rich family like Charlie's.  But he's planned the rest of my life for me and he's never even asked me what I want!	You can't live a life for someone else, Neil.  You can only live for yourself. Have you told your father what you just told me?  Have you shown him your passion about acting?
+You can't live a life for someone else, Neil.  You can only live for yourself. Have you told your father what you just told me?  Have you shown him your passion about acting?	Are you kidding?  He'd kill me!
+Are you kidding?  He'd kill me!	Then you're playing a part for him too, aren't you?  A dangerously self- destructive one.
+Neil, I know this seems impossible but you have to go to your father and show him what you're feeling.  You have to let him see who you are-  It's your only chance.	"I know what he'll say.  He'll say that acting is just a whim and that it's frivolous and that I should forget about it.  He'll tell me how they're counting on me and to put it out of my mind ""for my own good."""
+"I know what he'll say.  He'll say that acting is just a whim and that it's frivolous and that I should forget about it.  He'll tell me how they're counting on me and to put it out of my mind ""for my own good."""	Well, if it's more than a whim, then you'll have to prove that to him.  You'll have to show him with your passion and commitment that it's what you really want to do.  If that doesn't work, at least by then you'll be eighteen and able to do what you want.
+Well, if it's more than a whim, then you'll have to prove that to him.  You'll have to show him with your passion and commitment that it's what you really want to do.  If that doesn't work, at least by then you'll be eighteen and able to do what you want.	Eighteen!  That's two years!  What about the play?  The performance is tomorrow night!
+Eighteen!  That's two years!  What about the play?  The performance is tomorrow night!	Give your father the benefit of the doubt.  Talk to him.  Let him see who you are.
+Give your father the benefit of the doubt.  Talk to him.  Let him see who you are.	Isn't there an easier way?
+Isn't there an easier way?	Not if you're going to stay true to yourself.
+What did your father say? Did you talk to him?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Really?  You told your father what you told me?  You let him see your passion for acting?
+Really?  You told your father what you told me?  You let him see your passion for acting?	Yeah.  He didn't like it one bit but at least he's letting me stay in the play. Of course, he won't be able to come. He'll be in Chicago on business.  But I think he's gonna let me stay with acting.  As long as I keep my grades up.
+Too bad.	It's not too bad.  It's a tragedy! Why does she have to be in love with a jerk?!
+It's not too bad.  It's a tragedy! Why does she have to be in love with a jerk?!	All the good ones go for jerks, you know that.  Forget her.  Take out your trig book and figure out problem twelve.
+All the good ones go for jerks, you know that.  Forget her.  Take out your trig book and figure out problem twelve.	I can't just forget her, Pitts.  And I certainly can't think about math!
+You really think I should forget her?	You have another choice.
+Damn.  Damn!  If I could just get Chris to read this poem!	Why don't you read it to her? It worked for Nuwanda.
+Why don't you read it to her? It worked for Nuwanda.	She won't even see me, Pitts.
+She won't even see me, Pitts.	Nuwanda recited poetry to Gloria and she jumped all over him... right, Nuwanda?
+All right!  What'd she say?	I don't know.
+Wait a minute.  I don't let my parents walk on me.	Yeah, you just do everything they say! You'll be in daddy's law firm as sure as I'm standing here.  And you'll be approving loans till you croak.
+All right.  Jesus, what are you gonna do?	What I have to do.  Screw the annual.
+They're friends of my dad.  Probably in their nineties or something.	Listen, anything's, better than mystery meat.
+Are you crazy? What's wrong with that?	She's practically engaged to Chet Danburry.  Mr. Mondo Jocko himself.
+You know what the dead poets would say: Gather ye rosebuds while ye may...	But she's in love with: the moron son of my father's best friend.  What would the dead poets say about that?
+Where are you going?	I'm calling her!
+I certainly wouldn't lose any sleep over it.  It's just a bunch of people trying to impress Nolan.	Screw it all.  I don't give a damn about any of it.
+Any group pictures in the annual?	Nothing.  No mention of it.
+His grades are hurting, Charlie.	Then you can help him.
+If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost.  That is where they should be.  Now put foundations under them.	God, I want to do everything!  I'm going to explode.
+I gotta get to the tryouts.  Wish me luck.	Good luck.
+But father, I'm assistant editor.	I'm sorry, Neil.
+I'm sorry, Neil.	But father, it's not fair.
+But father, it's not fair.	Fellows, would you excuse us a minute?
+I will not be disputed in public, do you understand me?	Father, I wasn't disputing you.
+Father, I wasn't disputing you.	When you've finished medical school and you're on your own, you can do as you please.  Until then, you will listen to me.
+When you've finished medical school and you're on your own, you can do as you please.  Until then, you will listen to me.	Yes sir.  I'm sorry.
+Yes sir.  I'm sorry.	You know what this means to your mother, don't you?
+You know what this means to your mother, don't you?	Yes sir.
+You know me, always taking on too much.	Good boy.  Call us if you need anything.
+Father!	Neil, you are going to quit this ridiculous play immediately.
+Neil, you are going to quit this ridiculous play immediately.	Father, I--
+Don't you dare talk back to me!  It's bad enough that you've wasted your time with this absurd acting business.  But you deliberately deceived me!  Who put this in your head? How did you expect to get away with it? Answer me!	Nobody-  I thought I'd surprise you. I've got all As and-
+Nobody-  I thought I'd surprise you. I've got all As and-	"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?!  ""My niece is in a play with your son,"" Mrs. Marks says.  ""You must be mistaken,"" I say.  ""My son isn't in a play.""  You made a liar out of me, Neil! Now you will go tomorrow and tell them you are quitting."
+"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?!  ""My niece is in a play with your son,"" Mrs. Marks says.  ""You must be mistaken,"" I say.  ""My son isn't in a play.""  You made a liar out of me, Neil! Now you will go tomorrow and tell them you are quitting."	Father, I have the main part.  The performance is tomorrow night.  Father, please.
+Father, I have the main part.  The performance is tomorrow night.  Father, please.	I don't care if the world is coming to an end tomorrow night, you are through with that play!  Is that clear?  Is that clear!
+I don't care if the world is coming to an end tomorrow night, you are through with that play!  Is that clear?  Is that clear!	Yes sir.
+Weird.	But different.
+I say we go tonight.  Everybody in?	Where is this cave he's talking about?
+Where is this cave he's talking about?	Beyond the stream.  I think I know.
+Beyond the stream.  I think I know.	That's miles.
+What is this, a midnight study group?	Forget it, Pitts, you're coming.  Meeks, your grades hurting too?
+Look at this.	What is it?
+What is it?	The god of the cave.
+I hear we're going to be roommates. Neil Perry.	Todd Anderson.
+Why'd you leave Balincrest?	My brother went here.
+My brother went here.	Oh, so you're that Anderson.
+My parents wanted me here all along but my grades weren't good enough.  I had to go to Balincrest to pull them up.	Well, you've won the booby prize.  Don't expect to like it here.
+Well, you've won the booby prize.  Don't expect to like it here.	I don't.
+So what do you think of my father?	I'll take him over mine.
+I'll take him over mine.	What?
+What?	Nothing.
+Nothing.	Todd, if you're gonna make it around here, you've gotta speak up.  The meek might inherit the earth but they don't get into Harvard. know what I mean?
+Want to come to the study group?	Thanks but  I'd better do history.
+What is it then?	I... I just don't want to come.
+I... I just don't want to come.	But why?  Don't you understand what Keating is saying?  Don't you want to do something about it?
+But why?  Don't you understand what Keating is saying?  Don't you want to do something about it?	Yes.  But
+Yes.  But	Put what?  Goddamn it, tell me.
+Put what?  Goddamn it, tell me.	I don't want to read.
+I don't want to read.	What?
+What?	Keating said everybody took turns reading.  I don't want to do it.
+Keating said everybody took turns reading.  I don't want to do it.	God, you really have a problem, don't you?  How can it hurt you to read?  I mean isn't that what this is all about? Expressing yourself?
+I've found it.	Found what?
+Found what?	What I want to do!  Right now. What is really inside of me.
+A Midsummer Night's Dream. What is it?	A play, dummy.
+A play, dummy.	I know that.  What's it got to do with you?
+I know that.  What's it got to do with you?	They're putting it on at Henley Hall. See, open try-outs.
+They're putting it on at Henley Hall. See, open try-outs.	So?
+So?	So I'm gonna act!  Ever since I can remember I've wanted to try it.  Last summer I even tried to go to summer stock auditions but of course my father wouldn't let me.
+So I'm gonna act!  Ever since I can remember I've wanted to try it.  Last summer I even tried to go to summer stock auditions but of course my father wouldn't let me.	And now he will?
+And now he will?	Hell no, but that's not the point.  The point is for the first time in my whole goddamned life, I know what I want, and for the first time I'm gonna do it whether my father wants me to or not! Carpe diem, goddamn it!
+Neil, how are you gonna be in a play if your father won't let you?	First I gotta get the part, then I'll worry about that.
+First I gotta get the part, then I'll worry about that.	Won't he kill you if you don't let him know you're auditioning?
+Won't he kill you if you don't let him know you're auditioning?	As far as I'm concerned, he won't have to know about any of it.
+As far as I'm concerned, he won't have to know about any of it.	Come on, that's impossible.
+Come on, that's impossible.	Horseshit.  Nothing's impossible.
+Horseshit.  Nothing's impossible.	Why don't you ask him first?  Maybe he'll say yes.
+Why don't you ask him first?  Maybe he'll say yes.	That's a laugh.  If I don't ask, at least I won't be disobeying him.
+That's a laugh.  If I don't ask, at least I won't be disobeying him.	But if he said no before then...
+But if he said no before then...	Jesus Christ, whose side are you on?  I haven't even gotten the part yet.  Can't I enjoy the idea even for a little while?
+By the way, there's a meeting this afternoon.  You coming?	I guess.
+None of what Mr. Keating has to say means shit to you, does it?	What is that supposed to mean?
+What is that supposed to mean?	Being in the club means being stirred up by things.  You look about as stirred up as a cesspool.
+Being in the club means being stirred up by things.  You look about as stirred up as a cesspool.	You want me out...  is that what you're saying?
+You want me out...  is that what you're saying?	No, I want you in.  But being in means you gotta do something.  Not just say you're in.
+No, I want you in.  But being in means you gotta do something.  Not just say you're in.	Listen Neil, I appreciate your interest in me but I'm not like you.  When you say things, people pay attention.  People follow you.  I'm not like that.
+Listen Neil, I appreciate your interest in me but I'm not like you.  When you say things, people pay attention.  People follow you.  I'm not like that.	Why not?  Don't you think you could be?
+Why not?  Don't you think you could be?	No!  I don't know,  I'll probably never know.  The point is, there's nothing you can do about it so butt out, all right? I can take care of myself just fine.  All right?
+No!  I don't know,  I'll probably never know.  The point is, there's nothing you can do about it so butt out, all right? I can take care of myself just fine.  All right?	Er  No.
+Er  No.	No?  What do you mean 'no'?
+No?  What do you mean 'no'?	No.
+Neil, how are you gonna do this?	Sssh.  That's what I'm taking care of. They need a letter of permission.
+Sssh.  That's what I'm taking care of. They need a letter of permission.	From you?
+From you?	From my father and Nolan.
+From my father and Nolan.	Neil, you're not gonna...
+Neil, you're not gonna...	Quiet.  I have to think.
+Todd, what's the matter?	It's my birthday.
+It's my birthday.	It is?  Happy Birthday.  You get anything?
+This is your desk set.  I don't get it.	They gave me the exact same thing as last year!
+They gave me the exact same thing as last year!	Oh..
+Oh..	Oh.
+Well, maybe they thought you'd need another one.  Maybe they thought...	Maybe they don't think at all unless it's about my brother!  His birthday's always a big to-do.  The stupid thing is, I didn't even like the first one.
+Look, Todd, you're obviously under- estimating the value of this desk set.	what?
+what?	I mean, this is one special gift!  Who would want a football or a baseball bat or a car when they could get a desk set as wonderful as this one!
+I mean, this is one special gift!  Who would want a football or a baseball bat or a car when they could get a desk set as wonderful as this one!	Yeah!  And just look at this ruler!
+Here, villain, draw and ready. where art thou?	I will be with thee straight.
+I will be with thee straight.	Follow me then to plainer ground.  God, I love this!
+Follow me then to plainer ground.  God, I love this!	This play?
+This play?	Yes, and acting!  It's got to be one of the most wonderful things in the world. Most people, if they're lucky, live about half an exciting life! If I could get the parts, I could live dozens of lives.
+You should come to rehearsals.  I know they need people to work the lights and stuff.	No thanks.
+No thanks.	Lots of girls.  The girl who plays Hermia is incredible.
+Lots of girls.  The girl who plays Hermia is incredible.	I'll come to the performance.
+I'll come to the performance.	Chicken shit.  Where were we?
+Chicken shit.  Where were we?	Yea, art thou there?
+Yea, art thou there?	Put more into it!
+Put more into it!	YEA, ART THOU THERE?!
+YEA, ART THOU THERE?!	"That's it!  ""Follow my voice.  We'll try no manhood here.""  See you at dinner."
+Visit from my father.	Do you have to quit the play?
+Do you have to quit the play?	I don't know.
+You the Captain?	Yes.
+Yes.	How do we get out of here?
+How do we get out of here?	We have to make it to the third deck...
+Who are you?	He's the owner...
+He's the owner...	Why don't you want a message sent?
+It's not going to help us!	We're going to die here! We're going to die!
+They are...they are everywhere.	All right, be cool, everybody, nice and slow, no sudden moves.
+Who?	Someone...maybe they sent an SOS!
+We don't even know if his boat is still there...you saw Billy!	Boat or no boat...I'm going...
+Nobody's shooting nobody...come on, just let us through the hatch!	I'll kill you!! I'll fucking kill you!! I'll do it! I'll do it! I'm not playin' around here!
+I once saw a guy put a fish in a bottle, then he corked it, sealing it tight, and threw it to a baby octopus. The little sucker felt its way around that bottle, and in less than two minutes, got that cork off, slid inside, and ate that fish.	What the hell are you talking about?
+What the hell are you talking about?	Us...I'm talking about us... We're the fish.
+And what? These things are octopusses?	I don't know what these things are ...all I know is...
+You remember the first time we met Finnegan? I think you were just starting out...smuggling gold off Sumatra for those two Chinese...what did we use to call them?	Fok Yu and Fok Yu Two...are we strolling down memory lane for any particular reason?
+Fok Yu and Fok Yu Two...are we strolling down memory lane for any particular reason?	No, it just struck me as odd...I don't see you for all these years and you've still got the same tape stuck in the box.
+No, it just struck me as odd...I don't see you for all these years and you've still got the same tape stuck in the box.	You know what they say...the classics are eternal.
+Right here...middle of nowhere...	And where is our point of arrival?
+Right here...middle of nowhere...and the answer to your question is yes.	Which question is that?
+Which question is that?	The one you came up to ask...are we on schedule?
+The one you came up to ask...are we on schedule?	Take note Mr. Mason...this is why you hire a professional...No whining. No excuses.
+Don't mind him Finnegan...you remember 25...balls of steel... splashing around in a sea of testosterone.	I don't mind him...but I do think it's time for him to get back down below with the rest of the playgroup.
+This isn't right Finnegan. I've got a contract.	20 hours on the clock. Out and back. Double for overtime.
+20 hours on the clock. Out and back. Double for overtime.	And no questions asked.
+And no questions asked.	Who asked any?
+Who asked any?	He did...with a crowbar...you know the rules on a broken contract.
+He did...with a crowbar...you know the rules on a broken contract.	I know it...but you want to get where you want to get, and back? I need a chief engineer, and unless you got a replacement, I'd highly recommend overlooking the indescretion.
+Speedboat in the middle of the ocean...	How soon can we get up and running?
+How soon can we get up and running?	We can't...we got one engine dead, and the other limping badly.
+We can't...we got one engine dead, and the other limping badly.	I have a schedule...
+We were talking about my schedule...	You're going to have to get a new one.
+You're going to have to get a new one.	Not an option.
+Not an option.	Then you better start swimming.
+Great woman your mother. Real foresight.	And she could do a hell of a barbie to boot! Belt up. You'll find all the parts you need up there.
+I assume somebody up there has made sure no distress signal can be sent.	I'd say that's a pretty good assumption.
+Where are my men?	Dead.
+Hanover, listen...	Shut up!
+Now, where's Mulligan? Where's Vivo?	I told you...
+Shut up! Shut up all of you! Now here's what we're doing... Mamooli is going to take you back to fix your engines, Chin and I are staying here to finish the job...	Did you clear this?
+Did you clear this?	With who?
+Who gives a shit about aft?	That's where my boat's moored.
+That's where my boat's moored.	You trying to take over my show Finnegan, that what you trying to do?
+You trying to take over my show Finnegan, that what you trying to do?	Just trying to get to my boat...
+Maybe we lost them.	Or maybe we're exactly where they want us to be.
+I'm not staying here!	It ain't any better out there!
+Now look what you did!	I saved your life is what I did!
+I saved your life is what I did!	Who asked you to!
+What other bunch?	The thieves.
+The thieves.	I'm not a thief.
+I'm not a thief.	Then who are you?
+Then who are you?	I'm their ride.
+Unless you collected on the insurance...	What are you people talking about?
+What are you people talking about?	He's with them.
+I was born in a City housing project in the Bronx OK? It's not in the cards that I die on a luxury cruise ship...now which way up?	You hear that?
+Noooo!	Jesus Christ lady...
+Jesus Christ lady...	What are those things?
+What are those things?	I don't know...
+Hey! Hey! Where are you going?	...there's got to be a way to access out back there...
+But what makes you think there aren't more of those...things...back there?	Nothing...you want to come, come... you don't...
+You don't have to be so touchy.	Look lady, I know you people are used to getting your way...
+Look lady, I know you people are used to getting your way...	What's that supposed to mean? You people.
+What's that supposed to mean? You people.	You people...rich people...
+You people...rich people...	I'm not rich people.
+I'm not rich people.	Well, you sure do a good imitation.
+Well, you sure do a good imitation.	Thank you, I work at it...
+So this boat of yours...that's what you do? Give people...rides.	That's what I do.
+That's what I do.	Seen a lot of islands?
+Seen a lot of islands?	Quite a few.
+Quite a few.	Since I'm a kid, I had this dream... I want to own my own tropical island... Beaches, warm ocean, lots of food, little clothes...population of one...
+Since I'm a kid, I had this dream... I want to own my own tropical island... Beaches, warm ocean, lots of food, little clothes...population of one...	Anti social?
+Anti social?	Self sufficient...
+Self sufficient...	With the emphasis on SELF, and in selfish, right?
+With the emphasis on SELF, and in selfish, right?	Takes one to know one.
+I don't know where it is!	On the side!!
+Got it?	Hey! I didn't have to come back.
+Hey! I didn't have to come back.	Yeah you did...
+Yeah you did...	Right... You have a boat.
+Right... You have a boat.	Boat or no boat... You woulda come back anyway. You're that kind of gal.
+Boat or no boat... You woulda come back anyway. You're that kind of gal.	Oh yeah? What kind is that?
+Oh yeah? What kind is that?	"The ""come back"" kind."
+"The ""come back"" kind."	How do you know that?
+How do you know that?	Takes one to know one.
+Like cattle...	You're saying they can think?
+You're saying they can think?	I'm saying they're calling the shots...
+What's the matter?	The quiet...
+What is it?	A meat locker.
+A meat locker.	We can't just leave them here.
+Looking good...	You should talk...
+So how do you get from the Bronx to the South China sea?	You quit high school, lie about your age, join the navy, and next thing you know, four years are up and you need a way to make a living...
+I was so goddamn close, Finnegan! So goddamn close to my island... I could almost taste the sand...	Keep tasting...
+It's not them...it's it...	What?
+What?	You know what kind of force it took to rip open the bow of this ship? A million little things like this...
+Oh my god! Oh my god! How do we do it? How do we get there?	Not like him.
+Finnegan...	Yeah...
+Yeah...	...the minute you start your engines ...it's goint to kill us, isn't it?
+There's not much horsepower left in the engines, but there's enough noise...once this baby's set...I'll rev it up...that slimy bastard will come for it like candy...	If you blow up your boat, how are we going to get to the island?
+If you blow up your boat, how are we going to get to the island?	Jet ski...there's one left up there.
+How about noise? Can you get noise? We don't need speed, just noise, right?	Right...
+You want ME to go up there?	Not unless you can wire a missle or fix an engine.
+Not unless you can wire a missle or fix an engine.	And what if I run into one of those things?
+I don't mean to drop in unannounced ...you ready...	Soon as I get over the heart attack...
+Three minutes...I'm not back...no matter what...you go...	No...
+No...	You don't take orders very well, do you?
+You don't take orders very well, do you?	I don't take orders at all.
+I don't take orders at all.	This time, make an exception.
+Where's you friend?	He's not coming...
+Let's just keep going.	You ain't giving the orders here!
+The hulls of these things are supposed to be impregnable...	So?
+So?	So...If the hull's impregnable why are my feet wet?
+So...If the hull's impregnable why are my feet wet?	Why don't you just stop figuring and keep working so we can get the hell out of here?
+Hanover!! Hanover!!	Forget them...
+Shut up! You hear me!!	...we gotta get outta here -- NOW.
+...we gotta get outta here -- NOW.	Shut up, man, just shut the hell up! I gotta think! I gotta think!!
+Can we use our indoor voice please...	I'm flying blind here God damn it!
+If I told you once...I told you a thousand times...	I know...I know...if the cash is there we don't care...  Finnegan this is as mean a pile of shit as we ever carried...
+Here's what I think...I think these mokes below are a hit sqaud.	I saw these guy perform...at Altmont ...you know that? They opened for the Stones...
+...Jagger was here...I was here...	You don't give a shit about anything do you?
+You don't give a shit about anything do you?	Sure I do...I give a shit that at 0300 hour we reach our point of dentination. I give a shit that those mojos got to do what they got to do, and 45 minutes later we are turn around and gone. I give a shit that by the time the sun comes up we are all safely tucked in bed.
+Sure I do...I give a shit that at 0300 hour we reach our point of dentination. I give a shit that those mojos got to do what they got to do, and 45 minutes later we are turn around and gone. I give a shit that by the time the sun comes up we are all safely tucked in bed.	That's it? That's all you give a shit about?
+That's it? That's all you give a shit about?	Oh yeah...and that my stich job doesn't make you uglier than you already are...this won't hurt a bit...
+What did you do the my kids!!	Me??
+Me??	No! The man in the moon!! Who's driving this thing?
+I think he knows that Joey.	Good! So maybe he also know where the hell am I going to get the parts I need...
+You know what I'm gonna do after this...I'm gonna get a normal life...	Joey...
+Joey...	...Like a house in the suburbs... maybe a couple of kids...some sort of business...be in the bowling league...go to the ball games...
+Joey...it's okay...	What? You don't think I can have a normal life?
+What? You don't think I can have a normal life?	Joey...look at me...
+It's okay...come on...	I'm stuck...
+Finnegan, what the hell was that?	I don't know...you got what we need?
+I don't know...you got what we need?	If I don't, I ain't going back to get it...you think we're safe?
+Joey... Which way's aft?	That way.
+Don't shoot!! Don't shoot!!	Just the man I wanted to see. On this puppy here, you remember if it's red to blue or blue to red...
+Not even a Joey, I'm glad to see you? Joey, what happened to your leg?	Joey, you want to get sucked out by a giant fucking mutated squid?
+Joey, you want to get sucked out by a giant fucking mutated squid?	Red cross over to blue double blue ...is that what it is? A squid?
+Red cross over to blue double blue ...is that what it is? A squid?	Squid...squid like...squid type... it's got tentacles, a feed sac... probably one central nervous processor somewhere...what the hell do I know is going on deep down in the ocean...there's all sorts of shit we've never seen...eighty foot clams...60 foot sharks...I'm just guessing...can you get me more juice out of Hercules...fast?
+Squid...squid like...squid type... it's got tentacles, a feed sac... probably one central nervous processor somewhere...what the hell do I know is going on deep down in the ocean...there's all sorts of shit we've never seen...eighty foot clams...60 foot sharks...I'm just guessing...can you get me more juice out of Hercules...fast?	For juice, I gotta rebuild. That's not fast.
+Can somebody tell me what the object of the exercise is here?	Seafood salad.  You ever operate a jet ski?
+I've never seen you so congenial with a mamber of the opposite sex... The two of you got a nice patter going...got a nice rapport...	And you got 10 minutes before this thing livens up a boring evening.
+You know what I think? I think our luck has just about run shit out...	A little to the left...
+A little to the left...	I think we gotta stop floating from one fucked up situation to the next...
+I think we gotta stop floating from one fucked up situation to the next...	Line it up now, nice and easy...
+I'm telling you, man, we got to give the future some serious thought.	I have been.
+I have been.	And what have you come up with?
+And what have you come up with?	How does an island sound to you?
+Man, don't go up there...	One whistle... Start the engine...
+She's gone...	Second whistle you make it to the deck and get ready to jump...
+Second whistle you make it to the deck and get ready to jump...	All you're gonna do is get yourself killed...and for what? Some chick?
+All you're gonna do is get yourself killed...and for what? Some chick?	You're beautiful what you're jealous, you know that, Joey?
+Was it the water in my eyes or were you guys about to...	Joey...
+Joey...	Because it's cool, you know, I can always take a walk or something down the beach...
+Because it's cool, you know, I can always take a walk or something down the beach...	Joey...
+Joey...	Or I could go for a swim...although, I gotta tell you...if I never get in the water again...
+Or maybe not.	Where is everybody?
+I mean...where is everbody?	Poolside?
+You tell it straight or I pull the trigger. Who are you?	A passenger...
+Where are you going?	Nowhere...
+Why don't you back off?	You want some too?
+You know what my goal is? Before I die I want to make love to a woman from every country on earth.	You mean countries that are acknowledged by the UN...or like made up countires too?
+You mean countries that are acknowledged by the UN...or like made up countires too?	What the hell does that mean?
+What the hell does that mean?	Like Mamooli's country...
+I thought the plan was we'd evacuate them after we got through.	Maybe plans changed...
+Maybe plans changed...	Plans don't change...
+What was that?	Nothing.
+Nothing.	Someone's back there.
+Someone's back there.	Hey! Come out here!
+Check it out!	Hey! You hear me? Come out!
+I'm not screwing around with you man...I hate the cold water.	What is it man?
+What is it man?	I'm looking...
+Maybe it's the wrong ship.	Shut up!
+Hey! What are you trying to pull!	John...
+Why don't you help us so we can get done faster so we can get the hell out of here?	'Cause grease monkey ain't in my job description dick head...
+Don't shoot, man, don't shoot!	What happened to Vivo?! What the hell happened to Vivo?
+What's there to think about?? That THING back there...	There ain't no thing here!! No thing!! There's you him and me!! Got it! You him and...
+She fucked you?	She fucked me.
+She fucked me.	She fucked me too.
+She fucked me too.	She fucked you?
+She fucked you?	She fucked me too.
+She fucked us both.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Fucking women, man...
+Fucking women, man...	I know...
+Fuel up. Need fuel.	Those are mine!
+Those are mine!	You want 'em?
+You want 'em?	Damn right!
+Damn right!	Gimme a Hostess Twinkie, Merle.
+That's mustard!	What?
+What?	You just put mustard on your Hershey bar.
+You just put mustard on your Hershey bar.	Good... Pass the beer.
+I'll get the boots.	Get the boots.
+Get the boots.	I mean let's get going before --
+Maxie! Hey Maxie wha'd'ya say!	Hey Geraldine, let's eat!
+Here. Here we go.  Here's to you, Nick!	Fuckin' A!
+Yes, Albert?	John,we're going huntin'.
+John,we're going huntin'.	Who's going?
+Who's going?	We're all going.
+We're all going.	Nick's going?
+Nick's going?	Nick, Vince, Albert and John.
+Nick, Vince, Albert and John.	No women?
+Here's to huntin'.	Hey! Fuckin' A!
+Sweet! Oh, that is sweet!	Hey! Fuckin' A! Just... just like a hot shit... except cold.
+Damn right!	What do you think, Sal? Jesus, you think we'd miss this?
+And we want you to know, Sal, that any help you might need--	Yeah, Sal--
+Ammo! Get the ammo!	I'll get it! Where is it?
+It is not!	It is too! Now you passed it!
+This is it. Definitely. This is it, but they changed it.	You're full of shit.
+You're full of shit.	Who's full of shit?
+Who's full of shit?	You're full of shit!
+You're full of shit!	I'm telling you, they changed it!
+I'm telling you, they changed it!	They did not!
+They did not!	They did too!
+They did too!	Jesus, it's freezing!
+I thought that was it.	So he's in the next one, Albert. I mean take it easy. I mean you're driving everybody nuts!
+It's gotta be the next one. I mean it's gotta be! Right, Albert?	Fuckin' A. It's gotta!
+Fuckin' A. It's gotta!	It's gotta!
+What the --!	It's Nick!
+It's Nick!	Nick...?  Jesus, Nick!
+Where the hell were you? We were all set -- beer, broads. Right? Am I right?	Yeah.
+Fuckin' guy's been shooting slants, Albert! I mean, what do you think?	I know, but...
+I know, but...	What do you think? You think he's been picking flowers? Fuckin' guy's been saving your ass, Albert. Everybody's ass! Even in Europe!
+What do you think? You think he's been picking flowers? Fuckin' guy's been saving your ass, Albert. Everybody's ass! Even in Europe!	Yeah. Oh, boy, yeah... Jes', you must be tired.
+Tell him, Vince!	Well... you remember Cynthia?
+Hey, Nick, I mean... This here is for the guy that gets caught!	Vince thinks... you know...
+Let's go!!!	Hey! Fuckin' A! Time to roll!!!
+You're full of shit, Vince! You're so full of shit you're going to float away!	Who? Who is?
+Who? Who is?	You, Vince! You! You are! You're a crock! You're a walking, talking crock!... I mean, what do you know?
+You, Vince! You! You are! You're a crock! You're a walking, talking crock!... I mean, what do you know?	I know! I fuckin' know!
+I know! I fuckin' know!	You don't!
+You don't!	I do!!!
+I do!!!	I'm tellin' you she does it, Vince! With twenty guys you know!
+I'm tellin' you she does it, Vince! With twenty guys you know!	She does not!
+She does not!	Then what's the gun for! What's this for?
+Then what's the gun for! What's this for?	In case!!! The gun's in case!!!
+In case!!! The gun's in case!!!	In case???!!! In case of what? In case you stumble on her, suckin' cock in the front fucking hall?!
+In case???!!! In case of what? In case you stumble on her, suckin' cock in the front fucking hall?!	She might!!! She might do it, Albert, but you can't fuckin' tell me that she does!!!
+She might!!! She might do it, Albert, but you can't fuckin' tell me that she does!!!	She does, Vince! That's what I'm telling you! She does!!!
+Albert! For Christ's sake... John! Wait a minute, you guys!	It won't open.
+It won't open.	You gotta hit it here. Here, Albert, not there.
+You gotta hit it here. Here, Albert, not there.	Where should I hit it? Just show me where I should hit it.
+Where should I hit it? Just show me where I should hit it.	Here. Hit it here.
+That's new, isn't it?	Couple of weeks... Listen --
+Couple of weeks... Listen --	I love this car. Some cars sit, you know? This car, a car like this... grows. I mean you never know, with a car like this, where this car has been.
+Whee-uu!	Jesus!
+I got delayed. I --	Hey, Nick! God damn!... What've you been doin', I mean...
+Look who's talkin'! Jes'! He got married! Vince got married!	Married?
+Married?	Tell him, Vince.
+He's serious. Vince is fuckin' serious!	You mean...?
+Fucking A.	Worse since she talked to who?
+He's real bad, Nick.	Well, where the hell is he!!! I mean what are we all sitting here for!!!  WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???
+Well, where the hell is he!!! I mean what are we all sitting here for!!!  WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???	Nick...
+Nick! Nick, you'll kill him!... Easy. Nick, easy! Hey, hey. Vince goes back a long way.	Yeah.
+You're back.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	I'm glad. Seriously... I'm very glad.
+I'm glad. Seriously... I'm very glad.	Angela, I just heard Sal was alive.
+Angela, I just heard Sal was alive.	Sure. Why not.
+Sure. Why not.	Where? Where is he?
+Where? Where is he?	Nick, he's fine. He's in a hospital and they're fixing him up.
+Nick, he's fine. He's in a hospital and they're fixing him up.	You talk to him?
+You talk to him?	Oh, sure... Twice a day.
+Oh, sure... Twice a day.	What hospital is he in? Where?
+What hospital is he in? Where?	Nick... Sal is very weak. He suffered a severe wound... and right now he doesn't want a whole lot of people to get involved in a whole thing.
+Nick... Sal is very weak. He suffered a severe wound... and right now he doesn't want a whole lot of people to get involved in a whole thing.	Hey, Angela, Sal and I go back a long way.
+Hey, Angela, Sal and I go back a long way.	He doesn't want people bugging him, Nick!
+Did you ever think life would turn out like this?	No.
+No.	You know what Sal's got now?... Sal's got... one arm, Nick, and... that's it.
+I have to go.	But you must come in.
+But you must come in.	No, I --
+No, I --	But I insist.
+But I insist.	I have to go.
+I have to go.	You are frightened, no?
+See, I'm going home.	Ah yes. Of course.  To the girl who waits.
+Ah yes. Of course.  To the girl who waits.	Yeah... Do you mind if I sit?
+Yeah... Do you mind if I sit?	But of course! Please make yourself comfortable. Perhaps you would enjoy some fresh caviar, or une petite glace, or --?
+But of course! Please make yourself comfortable. Perhaps you would enjoy some fresh caviar, or une petite glace, or --?	No. None of that.
+No. None of that.	Unfortunately I must now go in, but I leave you my card. Naturellement I pay my players cash American. Just so you know.
+C'est tres amusant... You have been promoted. And to a Jew... I am joking of course. Naturellement. Seriously, Nick, may I hope that you have come to play?	I came to see Merle.
+I came to see Merle.	Ah. Merle. And you know Merle?
+Ah. Merle. And you know Merle?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	You are his friend.
+You are his friend.	Where is he???
+Where is he???	Merle is under his tree... Beside the terrace. You can't miss him.
+I love Linda, see. I love Linda more than I can even say.	Everybody love Linda.
+Everybody love Linda.	That's right. That's exactly what I mean!
+That's right. That's exactly what I mean!	I love Linda. Myself, I love Linda so much!
+I love Linda. Myself, I love Linda so much!	Only,good people love Linda, see. What Linda has, Linda --
+Only,good people love Linda, see. What Linda has, Linda --	How you like to have nice fuck with Linda? You like that? Special, crazy fuck just like with Linda?
+How you like to have nice fuck with Linda? You like that? Special, crazy fuck just like with Linda?	You mean...?
+You mean...?	I show you. Come. You come.  Linda have special, crazy fuck. That right?
+You like to call me Linda now?	Linda, yeah.
+Linda, yeah.	You call me Linda, just like home.
+Wait! First I give you special fuck!	Elephants! Make way... I gotta get elephants!
+She's in back.	Thanks.
+Thanks.	How was huntin'?
+How was huntin'?	Oh. Fine.
+Oh. Fine.	Get anything?
+Get anything?	No.
+No.	Too bad.
+Those fuckin' niggers. This time I'm going to eat balls!... You ever try 'em?	Naw.
+Naw.	Not bad fresh, but they don't keep worth a pig's fart.
+Boy, do I love this conflict. Huh?... What the hell were you doin' in there?	You know a guy named Merle?
+You know a guy named Merle?	Merle? That's who we're looking for. Merle.
+Merle? That's who we're looking for. Merle.	Yeah?
+Yeah?	Sure! I got eight hundred potatoes says he goes one more... He retired, you know.
+Sure! I got eight hundred potatoes says he goes one more... He retired, you know.	Yeah?
+Yeah?	Now he's back.
+Hey, guys...	Shhh! Albert's gonna hump the Coup de Ville.
+Look at that, see... Watch. Wait a minute, watch. There! D'j'u see that? D'j'u see the way he... You know what that guy is doing? That guy is squeezing her ass!	Oh, well...
+Oh, well...	Oh well! What do you mean Oh well?! The guy is actually... He did it again! That's what he's doing... He... He's reaching in, John, to her --! I'll kill him! I'm gonna kill him right now.
+Get 'em! For Christ sake, get 'em!	Who's got the ammo?
+Holy shit!	Merle, hey Merle, you got any socks?
+Vince. Hey, you guys --	Take last night...! Last night he coulda had twenty fuckin' deer! More! He coulda had more! And look what he does! I mean look what he fuckin' does!!!
+Take last night...! Last night he coulda had twenty fuckin' deer! More! He coulda had more! And look what he does! I mean look what he fuckin' does!!!	Vince!!!
+Hey, Nick...	Nick, we don't know where Sal is... Nick, Angela won't tell us.
+'Course how could you miss, right? Twenty, maybe thirty feet. I mean, if I'd'a been where you guys were --	Psst. Vince!
+Where's it gone?	Inside, Vince.
+Nick! Hey, Nick!  Boy! Boy oh boy! Are you okay? You're okay, huh?	Fine. Hey, I'm fine.
+Fine. Hey, I'm fine.	Sit down. Here. Right here.  Albert! Vince!
+Rough, huh?	Rough.  We didn't have to do it, John.
+Rough.  We didn't have to do it, John.	No?
+No?	No. How's Angela? How's she taking it?
+No. How's Angela? How's she taking it?	Not so good.
+Not so good.	No?
+No?	Worse since she talked to him.
+Sal.	Talked to Sal?  Sal's alive?
+Talked to Sal?  Sal's alive?	Kind of. You didn't know?
+Kind of. You didn't know?	Sal's alive???
+Why?... What do you mean?... Why???	Nick, she won't say why.
+Nick, she won't say why.	But Sal's mother! What about Sal's mother!
+But Sal's mother! What about Sal's mother!	She's out of her tree, Nick. She is straight out of her tree.
+She's out of her tree, Nick. She is straight out of her tree.	Oh, Jesus.
+Biederman! Where's Biederman!	Here.
+Here.	You Biederman?
+You Biederman?	Biederman, yes.
+Biederman, yes.	I got you on this flight, Biederman. Is that right?
+Please! Please mister, please! This is vital I go to Saigon. This is very important. Most important.	Listen, Biederman, I'm going to club you into the floor unless you tell me what the fuck is so important.
+Listen, Biederman, I'm going to club you into the floor unless you tell me what the fuck is so important.	That I must not tell you. Top secret. You see there. Topmost secret.
+That I must not tell you. Top secret. You see there. Topmost secret.	Biederman!
+Biederman!	I will not betray my country. No. Ne-ver!
+Linda...	Hi.  Nick, your shoes are soaking.
+Hi.  Nick, your shoes are soaking.	Linda, what's the matter?
+Linda, what's the matter?	Oh... You know...
+I was just wondering... Nick... You're going hunting... If I could use this place to stay, because...	Sure. Are you kidding? Sure.
+Sure. Are you kidding? Sure.	I'd want to pay you... and I was thinking --
+I'd want to pay you... and I was thinking --	Linda... Hey, Linda...
+Linda... Hey, Linda...	I would want to pay you, Nick... and I was thinking --
+I would want to pay you, Nick... and I was thinking --	Linda, Linda...!
+Linda, Linda...!	What?
+What?	Will you marry me?
+Will you marry me?	Okay.
+Okay.	Would you?
+I don't know what we've been waiting for!	I don't know! I don't know either!
+Sit with Linda, man, will ya?... Give her a beer.  Would you like a beer?	Sure.
+Sure.	What kind of beer would you like?
+What kind of beer would you like?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	Give her Miller's. Miller's High Life.
+I thought... Oh, Nick, I thought you were hurt, some accident. Maybe you fell or maybe some car...  I thought someone stole you away!	No.
+No.	Oh, Nick! Oh I missed you so!
+How are you?	Fine. I'm fine. How are you?
+Fine. I'm fine. How are you?	Fine. I just go along, you know. Down at the market. Back here. I mean it just seems there's a million things to do!... Are you sure you're all right? I mean, what about the wound?
+Fine. I just go along, you know. Down at the market. Back here. I mean it just seems there's a million things to do!... Are you sure you're all right? I mean, what about the wound?	That was nothing. That wasn't anything.
+That was nothing. That wasn't anything.	But --
+But --	It was just the complications. I mean, you take a little thing over there and then you get complications. I mean all the guys had it.
+It was just the complications. I mean, you take a little thing over there and then you get complications. I mean all the guys had it.	I made you a sweater.  Here... You have to take that off.
+How's the trailer?	Great. Fine... Once or twice it did fall off the blocks. I don't know what that's from.
+Great. Fine... Once or twice it did fall off the blocks. I don't know what that's from.	Frost.
+Frost.	Is that what it is? I couldn't figure out.
+Is that what it is? I couldn't figure out.	Did you get hurt? You didn't get hurt?
+Did you get hurt? You didn't get hurt?	Oh, no. It just kind of goes thump. Would you like a Coke? You don't drink Coke. Or maybe you do. What about champagne? Let's have champagne! I don't think we have champagne. Let's have this. See? Sparkling. I'll get you an opener. Oh, that's right. No opener. Let's just have beer. Do you want some cheese? Or maybe eggs? Maybe we should have coffee.
+Nick?... I just want to say how sorry I am about Sal and about Merle. How... I know you loved them and I know it's not the same. I mean now.	Naw, it's... I mean...
+Naw, it's... I mean...	Maybe... I don't know, if you want to talk --
+Maybe... I don't know, if you want to talk --	Naw, it's... This guy wants his money.
+Does this... I mean, how does this job work out?	Oh, it's great. Fine.
+No-o-o!	I'll kill 'em. Anybody bothers you, I'll kill 'em!
+I'll kill 'em. Anybody bothers you, I'll kill 'em!	Nick. It's okay... It's okay.  I have to go now.
+Nick?	Right here.
+What are you doing?	Oh. Nothing... Sitting.
+Oh. Nothing... Sitting.	You're going hunting?
+You're going hunting?	What?
+What?	I see you're going hunting.
+Yeah... All the guys, we're all going huntin'. Like we did. You know? Like we always used to.	That's wonderful. I think you should... fresh air.
+Linda... Honey, what's wrong?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	Hey. Look. There must be something.
+I'm just so lonely.	C'mon. I've got the car.
+C'mon. I've got the car.	I'll be out... Just leave me. I'll be out. I'm fine. Really. I'm fine.
+You seem... disturbed.	I... No. You do this for money?
+I... No. You do this for money?	Mais certainment... A great deal of money. Naturally I do not do it myself. I myself do not possess the nerve.  But I am always... how do you say... looking out for those who do... It is a thing quite rare. Champagne perhaps? Tch, tch. Don't say no. When a man says no to champagne, he says no to life and that no man must ever do.  Where did you play?
+Mais certainment... A great deal of money. Naturally I do not do it myself. I myself do not possess the nerve.  But I am always... how do you say... looking out for those who do... It is a thing quite rare. Champagne perhaps? Tch, tch. Don't say no. When a man says no to champagne, he says no to life and that no man must ever do.  Where did you play?	Up north.
+Up north.	Ah yes. Of course... So few survive.  La creme de la creme... How did you obtain release?
+Ah yes. Of course... So few survive.  La creme de la creme... How did you obtain release?	Playing.
+Playing.	Playing?
+Playing?	We... Three bullets.
+We... Three bullets.	And then you...
+How extremely clever. That is really most extraordinaire... Allow me please to introduce myself. I am Armand... And you are?	Nick.
+Who the hell is he?	Who the hell knows!
+You can do it, Sal.	No. No, no.
+No. No, no.	Sal... listen to me, Sal! You have to do it.
+Sal... listen to me, Sal! You have to do it.	I want to go home, Merle.
+I want to go home, Merle.	You have to think about this, Sal. Listen to me, Sal! You have to think about this.
+You have to think about this, Sal. Listen to me, Sal! You have to think about this.	This is horrible!
+This is horrible!	Listen to me, Sal. If you don't do it they'll put you in the pit. If they put you in the pit, Sal, you're gonna die... Sal, do you understand?
+Listen to me, Sal. If you don't do it they'll put you in the pit. If they put you in the pit, Sal, you're gonna die... Sal, do you understand?	Merle, I wanna go home!
+Merle?	Right here.
+Where are we going, Merle? Are we going home?	Right here.
+Sal!  Sal... Goddamn it, Sal, don't you know anything?	Where are we going, Merle? Are we going home?
+Where are we going, Merle? Are we going home?	Sure. Sure, Sal. We're going home.
+Humper's ready. Old humper's hotter'n damn hell!	There's Vince!
+Won't we? Right? Am I right?	Right.
+You should have put that on last night.	I know.
+I know.	That way it sets.
+That way it sets.	Yeah.
+I just wait. You know?	Huh?
+Huh?	I just wait. For this... It's what I wait for... I wait all year.
+I just wait. For this... It's what I wait for... I wait all year.	So do I.
+So do I.	You do?
+You do?	Yeah.
+You think about it?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	So do I.  I want to be ready... You have to be ready... It has to be there, in your mind.
+So do I.  I want to be ready... You have to be ready... It has to be there, in your mind.	The shot?
+The shot?	Fucking A.
+Fucking A.	I don't think about the shot that much.
+I don't think about the shot that much.	You have to think about the shot. It's the shot. The shot's it.
+You have to think about the shot. It's the shot. The shot's it.	Yeah... I guess.
+Yeah... I guess.	What do you think about?
+What do you think about?	I don't know... I guess I think about the deer... Being out, maybe. I don't know. I think about it all. Hell, I like the trees, you know? I like the ways the trees are, all the different ways the trees are too.
+I don't know... I guess I think about the deer... Being out, maybe. I don't know. I think about it all. Hell, I like the trees, you know? I like the ways the trees are, all the different ways the trees are too.	I'll tell you something, Nick. I wouldn't hunt with anyone but you. I won't hunt with a yo-yo.
+I'll tell you something, Nick. I wouldn't hunt with anyone but you. I won't hunt with a yo-yo.	Yo-yo! Who's a yo-yo?
+Yo-yo! Who's a yo-yo?	Who's a yo-yo...? Who do you think's a yo-yo! They're all yo yo's. I mean they're all great guys, for Christ's sake, but... The point is, Nick, without you I'd hunt alone. Seriously. I would. That's what I'd do.
+Who's a yo-yo...? Who do you think's a yo-yo! They're all yo yo's. I mean they're all great guys, for Christ's sake, but... The point is, Nick, without you I'd hunt alone. Seriously. I would. That's what I'd do.	You're a fucking nut. You know that, Merle? You're a fucking maniac!
+You're a fucking nut. You know that, Merle? You're a fucking maniac!	Yeah.  When it comes to hunting, that's true.
+Nick, he just came back.	From Nam?
+From Nam?	Fucking A. See that ribbon in the left. That's Quan Son. That fucking guy was at Quan Son!
+What'd he say?	Pow.
+Pow.	Pow?
+Pow?	Pow.
+Pow.	Oh.
+Is he from here?	Hell no!
+Hell no!	Well, where's he from?
+You think we'll ever come back?	From Nam?
+From Nam?	Yeah.
+I love this fuckin' place... That sounds crazy. I know that sounds crazy, but I love this fuckin' place... If anything happens, Nick, don't leave me there. I mean it. Don't leave me... You gotta promise, Nick. You gotta promise me that.	Merle --
+Merle --	Promise! You gotta promise!
+Promise! You gotta promise!	You got it.
+It's ahead, by the tree.	It's ahead, Vince.
+Hey, Nick?	Huh?
+Huh?	Tomorrow I go with Vince.
+Tomorrow I go with Vince.	Hunt with Vince?
+Hunt with Vince?	Yeah... I mean so he knows... He doesn't even know.
+I'm telling you, Nick, no one's going to come.	What are you, God?
+What are you, God?	Listen, asshole, it's up to us!
+Listen, asshole, it's up to us!	They bombed last night, right? Didn't they bomb? If they bombed last night, they could bomb tonight. They could be up there right now!
+They bombed last night, right? Didn't they bomb? If they bombed last night, they could bomb tonight. They could be up there right now!	What are you, hoping?
+What are you, hoping?	What else?
+What else?	I thought you might be praying.
+I thought you might be praying.	I'm doing that too.
+I'm doing that too.	I suppose you wish you were somewhere else?
+I suppose you wish you were somewhere else?	What do you think?
+What do you think?	Nick, you're wasting your time... Listen to me! You're wasting your time! This is no fucking time for hoping or praying or wishing or any other shit! This is it. Here we are... And we gotta get out!
+Nick, you're wasting your time... Listen to me! You're wasting your time! This is no fucking time for hoping or praying or wishing or any other shit! This is it. Here we are... And we gotta get out!	You're right... Okay, you're right.
+You're right... Okay, you're right.	Get off your ass, Nick. Get off your fucking ass and stand up!!!
+Get off your ass, Nick. Get off your fucking ass and stand up!!!	Okay, okay!  Okay. Okay, you're right... What about Sal?
+Okay, okay!  Okay. Okay, you're right... What about Sal?	Forget Sal.
+Forget Sal.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	I mean forget Sal... Sal can't take it, Nick.
+I mean forget Sal... Sal can't take it, Nick.	Forget Sal?
+Forget Sal?	Forget Sal... Listen to me -- forget Sal! I've been working on Sal since dawn, Nick. Sal's in a dream and he won't come out. LISTEN!!! From here on you gotta go for you. You hear me? For you!
+Forget Sal... Listen to me -- forget Sal! I've been working on Sal since dawn, Nick. Sal's in a dream and he won't come out. LISTEN!!! From here on you gotta go for you. You hear me? For you!	Merle...
+Merle...	LISTEN, NICK! GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD OR YOU AND ME ARE BOTH DEAD TOO!
+We gotta play with more bullets.	We what?
+We what?	We gotta play with more bullets, Nick. It's the only way.
+We gotta play with more bullets, Nick. It's the only way.	More bullets in the gun?
+More bullets in the gun?	More bullets in the gun... The trouble is that still leaves one of us with his hands tied up, so that means we gotta play each other.
+More bullets in the gun... The trouble is that still leaves one of us with his hands tied up, so that means we gotta play each other.	With more bullets?... Against each other?... Are you crazy!!! Are you fucking nuts!!!
+With more bullets?... Against each other?... Are you crazy!!! Are you fucking nuts!!!	Nick... NICK!!! It's the only chance we've got!
+How many bullets?	Three bullets -- minimum.
+Three bullets -- minimum.	No way. No fucking way!
+No way. No fucking way!	I'll pick the moment, Nick. The game goes on until I move. When I start shooting, go for the nearest guard and get his gun.
+I'll pick the moment, Nick. The game goes on until I move. When I start shooting, go for the nearest guard and get his gun.	No. No way!
+No. No way!	When you get the AK, open up. You got me? Open up.
+When you get the AK, open up. You got me? Open up.	YOU'RE CRAZY!!!... NO WAY!... NOW YOU'RE CRAZY!!! YOU'RE COMPLETELY CRAZY!!!
+Merle...! Jesus! Hey, how are you?	Nick!... I thought you went home.
+Nick!... I thought you went home.	I did. I... This is stolen. I came back.
+I did. I... This is stolen. I came back.	Sit down.
+How's Linda?	Fine. She's fine... Merle, what the hell are you doing?
+Fine. She's fine... Merle, what the hell are you doing?	I like it, Nick.
+I like it, Nick.	Merle... Hey, Merle, listen...  Why?
+Bullshit! That's bullshit!	You wanna bet?
+You wanna bet?	I'll betcha! That's bullshit and I'll betcha! You're fulla shit!
+I'll betcha! That's bullshit and I'll betcha! You're fulla shit!	How much? How much do you wanna bet?
+Here, here! This is it!	Watch it, shithead!
+Watch it, shithead!	Here! This is it!
+Sure I got boots. I got boots right here.	Then lemme have 'em.
+Then lemme have 'em.	No.
+No.	No!!!?
+No!!!?	No.
+No.	What do you mean, no???
+What do you mean, no???	That's it. No. No way.
+That's it. No. No way.	Some fuckin' friend... You're some fuckin' friend, Merle!
+Some fuckin' friend... You're some fuckin' friend, Merle!	You gotta learn, Vince! You come out here... You got no jacket, you got no pants, you got no knife and you got no boots. You think everyone's gonna take care of you! That's what you always think, but this time you're wrong. This time you're on your own!
+You're one fuckin' bastard, Merle. You know that? You're one fucking bastard!	This is this, Vince. This isn't something else. This is this!
+This is this, Vince. This isn't something else. This is this!	"You know what I think? There's times I think you're a goddamn faggot!... I fixed you up a million times, Merle!  I fixed him up a million times! I don't know how many times I fixed him up... and nothin' ever happens... Zilch! Zero!... The trouble with you, Merle, no one knows what you're talking about! ""This is this""? What does that mean, ""this is this""? I mean is that some faggot bullshit, or is that some faggot bullshit!!! And if it isn't, what the hell is it???"
+Where's Vince?	There's Albert!  Hey, Albert!!!
+Not tonight?... You're not driving up tonight?	As soon as you're hitched, Sal. First we get you hitched.
+As soon as you're hitched, Sal. First we get you hitched.	You guys are crazy. You know that? I mean you guys are really nuts.
+Don't worry what it says in the book.	Right.
+Right.	Just forget that. Forget what it says in the book.
+Just forget that. Forget what it says in the book.	I'm gonna start slow... At the top. Then I'm gonna work down.
+I'm gonna start slow... At the top. Then I'm gonna work down.	Great. That's great.
+Great. That's great.	That's my plan.
+See you Monday.	See you Monday.
+Sal? Sal, it's me, Nick.	Nick. Hey. How's things?
+Nick. Hey. How's things?	Oh. You know. How's it with you?
+Oh. You know. How's it with you?	Same. Hey. Same old stuff.
+Same. Hey. Same old stuff.	What's that noise?
+What's that noise?	What?
+What?	What's that noise?
+What's that noise?	John Wayne... Listen, Nick --
+John Wayne... Listen, Nick --	Great. Hey. That's great.
+Great. Hey. That's great.	Listen, Nick --
+Listen, Nick --	John Wayne's great... Listen, Sal. Jesus. When are you getting out?
+John Wayne's great... Listen, Sal. Jesus. When are you getting out?	I'm gonna stay here, Nick.
+I'm gonna stay here, Nick.	What?
+What?	Place is great. Really. One great place... Basketball, bowling. You name it. Canasta. Hearts. Lots of guys are making salad bowls. What I'll do is make a salad bowl for you, unless you'd rather have a pencil holder. The pencil holder's neat, I mean --
+Place is great. Really. One great place... Basketball, bowling. You name it. Canasta. Hearts. Lots of guys are making salad bowls. What I'll do is make a salad bowl for you, unless you'd rather have a pencil holder. The pencil holder's neat, I mean --	Wait a minute. Sal. Hold it. John Wayne's making so much noise I can hardly --
+Wait a minute. Sal. Hold it. John Wayne's making so much noise I can hardly --	I gotta get back, Nick.
+Sal, we need you. We need you.	Hey, Nick. How can you need me?
+Hey, Nick. How can you need me?	We do, Sal. We do... You're the heart.
+Sal, you're gonna die! You're gonna sit in that corner watching soaps and you're gonna die!... I'm not saying it's gonna be the same. It's not gonna be the same, but whatever it's gonna be we're all gonna do it, Sal. God damn it we are! We are gonna do it!	Nick. I'm so scared. I'm so fuckin' scared to go home.
+Nick. I'm so scared. I'm so fuckin' scared to go home.	I know. It's like coming from the moon. Or Mars.
+Did you go hunting.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Did you get one?
+Did you get one?	No.
+No.	You didn't get a deer?
+You didn't get a deer?	I tracked this one, a big buck. God, he was such a beauty--! What's this suitcase here?
+I tracked this one, a big buck. God, he was such a beauty--! What's this suitcase here?	Where?
+Where?	Here. Behind you.
+Maybe you could use socks, Nick. Jesus, I mean, come to think of it socks are pretty expensive now.	It's not socks, Sal.
+It's Merle, Sal.	Merle? ... Merle's alive?  How do you know?
+Merle? ... Merle's alive?  How do you know?	I saw him last night. I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was out of my mind.
+I saw him last night. I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was out of my mind.	Merle gave me this?
+Merle gave me this?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	But, Nick... Hey, I mean, where would a guy like Merle get money like this?
+Oh cards, maybe. Poker... It's getting cold, Sal. I'm going to take you in.  We'll call Angela. The guys can help her bring you home... Did I tell you I was going on a trip?	Trip? What do you mean, Nick? You said you'd be --
+Trip? What do you mean, Nick? You said you'd be --	It's okay. Hey, it's okay! Just a week. Just to see Phantom Mary.
+It's okay. Hey, it's okay! Just a week. Just to see Phantom Mary.	Phantom Mary?
+Phantom Mary?	Didn't I ever tell you about Phantom Mary?
+Didn't I ever tell you about Phantom Mary?	No.
+No.	Well... Phantom Mary's on my mother's side. Naturally no one there admits it because Phantom Mary's pretty weird... You want to hear the whole story?
+Well... Phantom Mary's on my mother's side. Naturally no one there admits it because Phantom Mary's pretty weird... You want to hear the whole story?	Yeah!
+Yeah!	Like I say, Phantom Mary's pretty weird... Lives alone, lives way out in the middle of nowhere with a cat called Pajamas and a cow called Fred. Well, last week I got a call from Phantom Mary, which in itself was very strange...
+He's getting married... and we're nuts!	It's all right. Hey, it's all right. We'll be right here, right with you.
+How're you guys... I mean, how've you guys been?	Same old thing. Hey, same like always. Nothing's changed. Albert is getting fat.
+Well, who'd you get married to?	Aw, it's a long story!
+Cynthia! Sure.	That's who.
+That's who.	Cynthia! Hey, that's terrific. I mean... Great! That's really great!
+What the hell's that for?	What's it for??
+How's it feel, huh? How's it feel to be back?	Great. Feels great... Fuckin' A!
+Great. Feels great... Fuckin' A!	I mean, I guess you still think about Nam. Right? I mean --
+I mean, I guess you still think about Nam. Right? I mean --	Naw.  Uh-huh.
+Naw.  Uh-huh.	Hey, Nick, you ever do it with one of those slants?
+Hey, Nick, you ever do it with one of those slants?	No.
+No.	No!
+No!	Never one.
+Never one.	Oh, Jesus!  You're kiddin'!
+Oh, Jesus!  You're kiddin'!	One, Vince... you have to understand, doing it with one... would be... like nothing. They're small, see, so if you're smart you get about six or eight. I mean, if you want to have any fun.
+One, Vince... you have to understand, doing it with one... would be... like nothing. They're small, see, so if you're smart you get about six or eight. I mean, if you want to have any fun.	Six or eight.  And they go wild?
+Six or eight.  And they go wild?	"They have these little sticks, Vince. They call them ""chomp chomps"", and when you get these girls going, you have to stick 'em in their mouths."
+You're full of shit!	Yeah.
+Yeah.	And I believed you! I oughta punch you out! I oughta...! Hey. Hey, let's go huntin'! Albert! Hey, Albert! Let's go huntin'. What do you say? Nick? What do you say?
+And I believed you! I oughta punch you out! I oughta...! Hey. Hey, let's go huntin'! Albert! Hey, Albert! Let's go huntin'. What do you say? Nick? What do you say?	Sure.
+Just like always! Just like it always was! Right, Nick? Am I right?	In the timeless words of Squire Albert...
+What the hell was that!  What did you think? Did you think it was loaded!	You loaded it, Vince! I saw you!
+You loaded it, Vince! I saw you!	The fuck I did!!!
+The fuck I did!!!	The fuck you didn't!... Gimme that!
+Quiet!... Quiet!!!... Awright, everybody, Nick has a few words.	I just... would like to say a few words... about Merle. I guess Merle always wanted something... I don't know... better. That fucking guy, he saved my Life. He saved Sal's... What Merle liked, he liked things right... But then there wasn't any place for that... that he could find.
+Up I would say... What would you say?	Up.
+Up.	Up ribbon!
+Down I would say... What would you say?	Down.
+Down.	Down ribbon!
+Up a little there... What would you say?	Up.
+Looks like ya gonna take office just in time, Chief.  Things need straightening up in this city.	What'cha got, Bennett?
+What'cha got, Bennett?	Witnesses say some wacko went Judge hunting with a late model.  I got an artist working on a computer composite now.
+Witnesses say some wacko went Judge hunting with a late model.  I got an artist working on a computer composite now.	Technothugs?
+Technothugs?	No chance.  Not their sector.  They ain't even into things this big. Our zone-boy's performing out of a horror show.  Something else.  Unit nine found a couple cold ones in Hollywood.  One Manny Turner.  Gun runner. Sounds like a connection to me.
+No chance.  Not their sector.  They ain't even into things this big. Our zone-boy's performing out of a horror show.  Something else.  Unit nine found a couple cold ones in Hollywood.  One Manny Turner.  Gun runner. Sounds like a connection to me.	I can smell it.
+That's him.  Simon Doucet.	Jesus.  Sweet Jesus.  We've got trouble.
+Jesus.  Sweet Jesus.  We've got trouble.	This monster escaped from Cryo- Prison this morning.
+This monster escaped from Cryo- Prison this morning.	Well, he's sure working fast ain't he?
+Well, he's sure working fast ain't he?	I want this bastard brought down.
+Yeah?	Wade's here.
+Talk fast.  Polls open in half an hour.	Wade did a little reminiscing.
+Michael called yesterday.  He wants to take Willy for the summer.	What did you say?
+What did you say?	I'd think about it.
+Mr. Murphy asked about you again at work yesterday.	He just wants me to make him cinnamon cookies like I made for you.
+He just wants me to make him cinnamon cookies like I made for you.	I think he wants more than your cookies.
+I think he wants more than your cookies.	Kimberly!
+Kimberly!	Mom, I hate to break this to you, but there's a whole other species out there you're neglecting.  If you've forgotten, they're called 'men'.  Sometimes referred to in more colorful language.
+Who is it?	Avon Lady!
+My man Dubbs.	Who are you?  What the fuck do you want?
+I want to ask you a few questions.	No, you're not model material.  Anything else?
+Funny guy.	Fuck you - fuck you.
+Fuck you - fuck you.	You helped set up my partner, Sergeant William Wade.  I want to know who put you up to it.
+You helped set up my partner, Sergeant William Wade.  I want to know who put you up to it.	Your mother.
+Speak up.	It was Wade's old partner... Gallagher. He was behind it all.
+I worked for him... still do.  Said he'd make sure I was left alone if I helped put Wade away.  He kept his promise for twenty years.	Prepare for a change in lifestyle.
+It was Wade's old partner... Gallagher. He was behind it all.	Put that on your political resume.
+Looks like you did more than jackoff while I was gone.	Maybe re-animating you wasn't such a bright idea.  You look like shit.
+Maybe re-animating you wasn't such a bright idea.  You look like shit.	Shucks, and I got all dressed up.
+Twenty years have passed, Wade. Lay it to rest.	I was set up and you know it... but you swore under oath I was dirty. You helped bury me.
+I was set up and you know it... but you swore under oath I was dirty. You helped bury me.	Jury found you guilty, not me.  I just called it as I saw it.  Fuck that.  You were brought here for a reason.  Doucet's escaped.  Re-animated for his parole hearing.  Killed a lot of people.  Most of them cops.
+I'm not on the force anymore.	Well, you've just been taken off the bench.
+Well, you've just been taken off the bench.	I want to see my wife and kid.
+I want to see my wife and kid.	Later.  I want Doucet first.
+Later.  I want Doucet first.	I told you.  I'm out of the cops and robbers business.  Retired twenty years ago.  I've been trained as a bus driver.  Got a whole route planned and everything.  Even nailed down the lingo - 'Exact change, please'.
+I told you.  I'm out of the cops and robbers business.  Retired twenty years ago.  I've been trained as a bus driver.  Got a whole route planned and everything.  Even nailed down the lingo - 'Exact change, please'.	I'm going to bring this down hard. I've got an A-1 badass killer loose, an election day after tomorrow, and I'm risking everything on you. You're going to bring him in.  I don't care how.  If you do, you'll get your freedom.  An official pardon from me.  A clean slate.  A good job.  A chance to get back with your family.  If you don't want to, I'll put your ass back in the freezer so fast, you'll forget you were ever defrosted.
+What's this?	Fill it out.  Standard issue mal- practice insurance.  All Cops carry it.
+Mug sheets.	I remember what he looks like.  I can't forget.
+Edicon system made these.  Ages, photographs.  We use it to find missing children.	He's not that old yet.  You've lost confidence in me.
+He's not that old yet.  You've lost confidence in me.	No, but he's going to be by tomorrow. He's aging.  'Bout the entire twenty years lost while being frozen in forty-eight hours.  In that time he'll be an old man.  Could be a year, an hour, or all at once. Called NPA Syndrome.  Natural Pro- gression of Aging.  It affects each individual differently.  I'm sure it's painful.
+You son-of-a-bitch.  How do you stop it?	We have an antidote that'll retard the aging process.
+We have an antidote that'll retard the aging process.	Give it to me.
+Give it to me.	When you bring in Doucet.
+The faster you get Doucet, the younger you'll be.	I'm going to kill you when this is all over.
+You're working a partner on this.	I've been alone for twenty years. I don't feel very sociable.
+Hello Wade.	Out of the room.
+Tell Frick and Frack that means them too.	I'll be alright.
+You can't kill me.  I'm going to be Mayor tomorrow.	I'm not voting for you.
+I'm not voting for you.	Ah, fuck you, Wade.  This is bull- shit.  You're not going to kill me.  You're not going to risk your freedom.
+I want to stop aging.	And I want Doucet.
+This is a war, Wade.  You against him.  Vengeance time.  The City's just in the way.  Kill the fucker. You and me.  We'll work things out when the time is right.	Remember my promise.
+Remember my promise.	Don't threaten me.  I tend to take these things seriously.  And get a couple hours sleep.  You look like day old shit.
+Don't threaten me.  I tend to take these things seriously.  And get a couple hours sleep.  You look like day old shit.	Got compliments coming outta your ass, don't ya?
+Just got the call.  Took him from school.  Bastard nailed the Vice- Principal and a teacher.	Where?
+I'm wasting time.	You can't win like this.  You'll only get older.  This is what you wanted!
+You can't win like this.  You'll only get older.  This is what you wanted!	Not anymore.
+What is it?  I'm about to go on.	We have to talk.
+We have to talk.	I heard about today.  Good job.  I'm all for capital punishment.  Why don't you go home and see your family?
+I heard about today.  Good job.  I'm all for capital punishment.  Why don't you go home and see your family?	That wasn't your plan, was it?
+That wasn't your plan, was it?	What are you talking about?
+You were planning to send me back to the ice house.  You set me up.	You're crazy.
+You're crazy.	You were the dirty cop... and I was on to you.  You panicked.  Afraid I was going to expose you... so you shut me up.
+I don't want to hear anymore.	You stole the heroin out of the evidence room and planted it on me.  I was iced.  What better way to keep me from talking.  Stop me if I'm wrong.
+That's not your zone.  Stick to data entry.	I was part of the escort team that re-animated him.  My partner's dead because of this guy.
+Wade's in Cryo-Prison.	He could be brought back.
+Kill him... kill him.	Simon Doucet.  You are under arrest. Please come out with your hands in the air.
+Doucet's just offed two of the jurors who put him away.  I'm rounding up the rest of them and putting them in police custody.  What's your status?	We seem to've come across a 211, sir.
+We seem to've come across a 211, sir.	Forget it.  Stick to the program.
+You two fucks listen up.  Doucet's killing people and you're wasting valuable time busting two-bit Technothugs.	But sir, Sergeant Wade saved the hostages.
+But sir, Sergeant Wade saved the hostages.	I'm thrilled beyond belief.
+Sir, your transmission's fading.	What the hell are you talking about?
+You have no evidence.  Arrest this man.	You want evidence.  I'll give you evidence.
+What do you mean he's escaped?! They're not supposed to escape!	It's a real mess down here.  Some- thing must a'gone wrong.  No man could possess that kind of strength after being frozen for twenty years.
+It's a real mess down here.  Some- thing must a'gone wrong.  No man could possess that kind of strength after being frozen for twenty years.	Tell Doucet that.  What was his rehabilitation training?
+Tell Doucet that.  What was his rehabilitation training?	Telephone repairman.
+Just great.	NPA syndrome will hit 'im fast.  Have your men gear up the Edicon system at a twenty-year ratio in fractions of fives.  Saying a prayer won't be bad either.
+NPA syndrome will hit 'im fast.  Have your men gear up the Edicon system at a twenty-year ratio in fractions of fives.  Saying a prayer won't be bad either.	I don't want any press on this.  I've got an election to win day after to- morrow.
+Sir, your dinner with the union leaders begins in an hour.  Your wife will meet you there, so we can leave whenever you're ready.	Fine.
+Fine.	I've also drafted a letter to families of officers killed in the line of duty.  They'll need your signature.
+Sir, your limo's here.	Kill me if you want.  Hard line me with that 'I ain't got nothing to lose' bullshit.  But you've got plenty to lose 'partner'.  You've got a family.  I'm giving you a chance to see them.  I kept in touch.  She never married. All these years.  Maybe she loves you.  I wouldn't know why.
+You okay?	How do I look?
+How do I look?	Aces.
+Okay, that's all folks.  Commissioner Gallagher has to go.	Keep 'em busy.
+Sir---	Shut up!  Drop it.
+Need help?	I got it.  I got it.
+I got it.  I got it.	You sure?  I can help you.
+You sure?  I can help you.	Ah Mom, you're embarrass'n me.
+Ah Mom, you're embarrass'n me.	Nobody's looking.
+Nobody's looking.	Go in the house.
+Maybe I should put on the training whe---	Not the 'T' word.
+Not the 'T' word.	Ooops, I forgot.
+You my partner?	Officer Hector Sanchez, Sergeant. Hillside Academy.  Status G-8. Security Clearance 3.  One year Advance Technical Crime Analyst. Weapons Assistant.  FDA Junior Captain, Hollywood division---
+Officer Hector Sanchez, Sergeant. Hillside Academy.  Status G-8. Security Clearance 3.  One year Advance Technical Crime Analyst. Weapons Assistant.  FDA Junior Captain, Hollywood division---	Are you a cop?
+Are you a cop?	Yes.
+Yes.	Well, that's good enough for me.
+I drive.	Commissioner Gallagher gave me specific orders not to let you drive until you re-familiarize yourself with the process and territory.
+Commissioner Gallagher gave me specific orders not to let you drive until you re-familiarize yourself with the process and territory.	I'm ready.
+I'm ready.	But Sergeant...
+But Sergeant...	Give me a break, Sanchez.  It's like riding a bike.
+Does it drive itself, too?	You have to use the steering wheel to turn.  The pedal for gas...
+You have to use the steering wheel to turn.  The pedal for gas...	Got it.  Ejection seat?
+Got it.  Ejection seat?	Whoa.  Don't touch that.  Pursuit Mode.  Auto pilot.  Computerized steering and driving system used in high speed pursuits.  Installed Fall 2006.  Underground rumor has it they modeled it after you, sir.
+Whoa.  Don't touch that.  Pursuit Mode.  Auto pilot.  Computerized steering and driving system used in high speed pursuits.  Installed Fall 2006.  Underground rumor has it they modeled it after you, sir.	Lean year for role models.
+I have to go home, Sanchez.	Commissioner Gallagher said...  ...twenty years is a long time.
+No offense, but why'd they partner me with a rookie?	Doucet killed my partner.
+See those guys?	Technothugs.
+They're going to rob that bank.	How do you know?
+How do you know?	Some things never change.
+I'll inform dispatch.	There's no time.  There are civilians in there.  It's about to go down.
+There's no time.  There are civilians in there.  It's about to go down.	We don't know that for sure.  We'll have to wait until they move.
+We don't know that for sure.  We'll have to wait until they move.	Well, I'm sure.  You're a cop.  I'm a cop.  Let's do what cops do.
+You can't turn him off.  He's the Commissioner.	I'm not fond of television comedies.
+Wanna come?	My insurance won't cover it.
+Thanks.  Want'a bite?  McDonald's vegiroll.	Pass.
+Can I ask you something?	Yes.
+Yes.	When you're frozen, you're legally dead, right?
+Then what goes on in there?  What I mean is, what are you thinking about?	Bacon cheeseburgers.
+Bacon cheeseburgers.	Give me a break.  I'm serious. What's it like to be dead?
+Give me a break.  I'm serious. What's it like to be dead?	Trust me.  You don't want to know.
+Hey, buddy...	Relax, let technology do the work.
+NPA metamorphosis should biologically slow him down.  That's when we'll get him.	You can't catch this man with a computer.
+You can't catch this man with a computer.	How then?
+How then?	You don't follow the bodies, and you don't follow procedure.  You do it by instinct.  Think like him.  Do what has to be dane.
+Sir, I took the liberty of running a GCI scenario on a TM-1 earlier today...	GCI.  TM-1.  What language are you talking?
+GCI.  TM-1.  What language are you talking?	I also PVC'd you.  Youngest Officer promoted to Sergeant. Two CMs.  Four honor medals...
+I also PVC'd you.  Youngest Officer promoted to Sergeant. Two CMs.  Four honor medals...	Drop it.
+Why?	I was set up.
+You're saying you were put away for a crime you didn't commit?	'Bout the same time I busted Doucet I tried to nail this big-time dealer. I didn't have an ID, but I was close. Too close.  Gained the confidence of a badass named Dubbs.  He was going to turn me onto the big man.  He made me for a cop.  Mysteriously my fellow officers discovered ten pounds of heroin in my cruiser.
+'Bout the same time I busted Doucet I tried to nail this big-time dealer. I didn't have an ID, but I was close. Too close.  Gained the confidence of a badass named Dubbs.  He was going to turn me onto the big man.  He made me for a cop.  Mysteriously my fellow officers discovered ten pounds of heroin in my cruiser.	It doesn't make sense.  Who would want to do that to you?
+It doesn't make sense.  Who would want to do that to you?	Nothing makes sense when you're a cop.
+Married?	Engaged.  Plan on doing it this summer.  You still married?
+Engaged.  Plan on doing it this summer.  You still married?	Yeah.  Least I think so.  Twenty- six years this March.
+What's this place?	This is where I found Doucet twenty years ago.  Thought maybe he'd come back.
+Yeah.	Hey, Rip Van Winkle, maybe we'd better call it a night.
+She's pretty.	Thanks.
+You need anything else?	I'll be okay.
+I'll be okay.	Good night, Wade.
+Good night, Wade.	Good night.
+I'll have a cup of coffee?	Never use it.  Stuff'll kill ya.
+No.  Talk English.  Then I'll understand.	We get to peek into Doucet's brain.
+We get to peek into Doucet's brain.	Hey, I'm eating.
+Hey, I'm eating.	I'm serious, Wade.  This case is important to me.
+I'm serious, Wade.  This case is important to me.	You want to be a good detective?
+You want to be a good detective?	Yes, sir.
+Yes, sir.	Then find me some cigarettes.
+Two lousy smokes.  You're a real sport.	That cost me two weeks' pay.
+Maybe I should turn myself in.	Lighten up.  You're going to give yourself an ulcer.
+Part of Doucet's cerebellum, a portion called the vermis is under- developed.  This area rates response to outside stimuli.  Com- pare it to that of a normal law- abiding citizen.  It could be why he kills.	Great.  My partner's Marcus Welby.
+Great.  My partner's Marcus Welby.	I'm just doing it by the book. Analyze then vaporize.  Crime's a science.  Everything's analyzed.
+I'm just doing it by the book. Analyze then vaporize.  Crime's a science.  Everything's analyzed.	With all this technology you don't even have to show up for work.  Who needs cops when you've got gizmos.
+With all this technology you don't even have to show up for work.  Who needs cops when you've got gizmos.	You're just afraid to use this.  You have technophobia, Wade.  That's what you got.
+Wanna try?	No thank you, sir.  Smoking causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy.
+No thank you, sir.  Smoking causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy.	You're not pregnant, are you?
+You're not pregnant, are you?	No, sir.
+Let's roll.  We got a guy who swears his car was stolen by a suspect identical to Doucet. 0800 this morning.	What else did he get?
+What else did he get?	Wallet, cash, I.D...
+Wallet, cash, I.D...	Fire up that thing of yours and tell me all credit card trans- actions after eight o'clock.
+Kid, you ever been in a high speed chase before?	Simulated one.
+Get us some fuck'n back-up now!	Comwatch Dispatch System.  Can't assimilate voice stress.  Code priority only.
+Rip Van Winkle.	How ya feeling?
+How ya feeling?	How do I look?
+How do I look?	Not too good.
+What's this?	We're partners, aren't we?
+Sanchez...?	I'm here.
+I'm here.	You treat her nice.
+You treat her nice.	...What are you talking about...?
+...What are you talking about...?	Your girl.  Being a cop will be rough on her.
+Your girl.  Being a cop will be rough on her.	...Have you been drinking?
+...Have you been drinking?	Not yet.
+Yeah.	This should make your day.  The guy who testified against you... Dubbs... was arrested a total number of twenty- four times.
+This should make your day.  The guy who testified against you... Dubbs... was arrested a total number of twenty- four times.	So, he's got a thing for prison clothes.
+So, he's got a thing for prison clothes.	That's just it.  He never did time. Seems each arrest was botched for one reason or another.  Judge threw out the cases each time.  Either he's got a horseshoe up his ass or powerful friends.
+You okay?	Aaah... Mother of Jesus.
+Aaah... Mother of Jesus.	What is it?  Your legs?  Hands?
+What is it?  Your legs?  Hands?	Hospital food.
+What are you doing this for, Sanchez?	If you were set up, I want to find out who did it.
+I just heard.	He's got my grandson, Sanchez.
+He's got my grandson, Sanchez.	You be careful.
+You be careful.	I'm signing off.
+No.  I want to be with you.	No you don't.
+You should be in hospital.	And you should be with your family.
+Jesus, Sanchez... what do you think you're doin'?  That's flatfoot data. You're not supposed to have access to that.	This is the guy that killed my partner.
+This is the guy that killed my partner.	You startin' a fan club or some- thin'?
+You startin' a fan club or some- thin'?	Says here one of our boys brought him down.  You ever heard of a badge named Wade?
+Demolition Man.	What's it mean?
+What's it mean?	You never want to find out.
+You never want to find out.	Take a look at this.
+He had a partner.  Our own Ray Gallagher.  He tagged Wade dangerously defiant. Psychotic.  Reckless.  Seems our Commissioner didn't like him much. Busted his buns on a narcotic's violation.  Wade was sentenced to twenty-five years.	He went dirty and they made an example of him.
+He went dirty and they made an example of him.	But he was such a good cop.
+But he was such a good cop.	They always are.
+They always are.	Well I've got news for you.  This dirty cop was the only cop who could bag Doucet.
+You all right?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Seat's too high.
+Seat's too high.	My mom says I'm gonna grow.
+Yes.	My granddad was a policeman.
+I'm going to be a policeman.	What's your name?
+What's your name?	William Simpson.  I like Willy.
+William Simpson.  I like Willy.	Good to know you, Willy.
+Bye.  Thanks.	Remember, get the seat fixed.
+Hi.	Hi.
+Hi.	Haven't seen you around.  Where have you been all my life, handsome?
+Funny.  Would you like to buy me a drink?	This little thing says I can't.
+This little thing says I can't.	You could always take it off.
+You could always take it off.	It's stuck, but thanks for the offer.
+Papers.  Last Medcheck two weeks ago. A-1.  Disease free.  Guaranteed by the State.	I don't care if you've got the Good Housekeeping seal of approval... I'm not looking for company.
+Belle Dee. I'm from over the mountain.	From over the mountain --
+I'll take it.	No -- that's for me to do.
+Let's dance together -- Belle.	No, Jabez -- your place is with your wife --
+Golly, Belle, that was a good idea -- we should do that every morning.	We will --
+We'll cook 'em ourselves. You'll help me, Belle.	Of course I will.
+The people, Jabez -- the people.	The -- folks or people, what's the difference among friends?
+Hey, you! Watch out there -- you're scuffing my Brussels carpet -- Consarn them.	Jabez! Careful --
+Jabez! Careful --	Oh --  Didn't mean to talk like that in front of a lady.  Get some wine for the Squire, Belle.
+What are those people doing there? What do they want?	They're just outsiders. They want to see how fine Jabez Stone lives these days. They're waiting for your guests, too --
+Who are these people?	They are all friends of mine -- from over the mountain.  Welcome! Help yourselves to drinks! Glad you could come! Have a good time.
+Jabez -- ?	I've brought you something to keep you warm, Mrs. Stone --
+You're not resting well, are you? I know -- it's that music.  You need your sleep. Is there anything else you want?	No, thank you -- what's your name?
+No, thank you -- what's your name?	Belle --
+Belle --	Thank you, Belle --
+That's my business. -- Now, it's all right, Daniel.  What did he do?	He lied to me again.
+I see why you're here -- you knew that nobody was coming.	I didn't.
+I didn't.	You're lying.
+You're lying.	Lying to you -- Why should I?
+Lying to you -- Why should I?	You know that you're in my house.
+You know that you're in my house.	I know -- and you could show me the door. You would, too, if you weren't still hoping the guests might arrive.
+I know -- and you could show me the door. You would, too, if you weren't still hoping the guests might arrive.	You think you're so smart, Mrs. Stone. You wanted to be near Jabez. It looked like your big chance tonight, but you're wrong, you can't win him back -- not that way.
+You think you're so smart, Mrs. Stone. You wanted to be near Jabez. It looked like your big chance tonight, but you're wrong, you can't win him back -- not that way.	That's my problem, Belle.
+Hello, Colonel! Want a lift?	Well, I wouldn't mind.  But my name's Daniel Stone.
+Well, I wouldn't mind.  But my name's Daniel Stone.	All right, Daniel. Jump in.
+Gee -- that Fair --	It hasn't opened yet?
+It hasn't opened yet?	No -- but I can hardly wait -- Mister -- tell me, will there really be --  -- a man that eats fire?
+No -- but I can hardly wait -- Mister -- tell me, will there really be --  -- a man that eats fire?	Guess there will, if it says so.
+Guess there will, if it says so.	And two unpara-- unparalleled Cir-cass-ian beauties? What is that?
+And two unpara-- unparalleled Cir-cass-ian beauties? What is that?	Young man -- you got me there.
+Young man -- you got me there.	'N Daniel Webster will be there.
+'N Daniel Webster will be there.	A varied list of attractions. And which would you like to see first, Dan'l?
+A varied list of attractions. And which would you like to see first, Dan'l?	I think I'd like to begin with the fire-eater --
+I think I'd like to begin with the fire-eater --	And what about Daniel Webster?
+And what about Daniel Webster?	Well, I thought he'd come in the middle.
+Well, I thought he'd come in the middle.	And serve him right!
+Daniel! Don't ever let me catch you doing that again!	Why? It don't hurt.
+Why? It don't hurt.	It does hurt! And don't you do it again.
+Make them go faster, Mr.... ?	No, Daniel -- they are not race horses. They are good old friends of mine. I call 'em Constitution and Bill of Rights, the most dependable pair for long journeys. I've got one called Missouri Compromise, too, and then there's a Supreme Court -- fine, dignified horse, though you do have to push him now and then.
+No, Daniel -- they are not race horses. They are good old friends of mine. I call 'em Constitution and Bill of Rights, the most dependable pair for long journeys. I've got one called Missouri Compromise, too, and then there's a Supreme Court -- fine, dignified horse, though you do have to push him now and then.	Golly -- I'd like to see all your horses!
+Golly -- I'd like to see all your horses!	Maybe you can, sometime, Daniel. I'm a farmer, you know, and like to show my farm -- but the thing I'd like to show you most, you'll have to see for yourself.
+Maybe you can, sometime, Daniel. I'm a farmer, you know, and like to show my farm -- but the thing I'd like to show you most, you'll have to see for yourself.	What's that, sir?
+What's that, sir?	Well -- it's high and it's wide and it goes a long way and there is a wind blowing through it and a blue roof over it -- it's the hills up here and the rivers running south and the new States growing in the West.
+Well -- it's high and it's wide and it goes a long way and there is a wind blowing through it and a blue roof over it -- it's the hills up here and the rivers running south and the new States growing in the West.	Anybody can see that.
+Anybody can see that.	You're wrong, Mr. Stone. There are people who live and die without e'er seeing it. They can't see the country for the money in their pockets -- And some think their state's the country, or the way they live is the country, and they're willing to split the country because of that. Well, I hope you'll meet all those, when you're grown. You'll meet the fire-eaters and the Circassian beauties -- that's part of the fair, to be sure. But if we'd had to depend on them, in a permanent way, the country would have stopped at the Allegheny mountains.
+You're wrong, Mr. Stone. There are people who live and die without e'er seeing it. They can't see the country for the money in their pockets -- And some think their state's the country, or the way they live is the country, and they're willing to split the country because of that. Well, I hope you'll meet all those, when you're grown. You'll meet the fire-eaters and the Circassian beauties -- that's part of the fair, to be sure. But if we'd had to depend on them, in a permanent way, the country would have stopped at the Allegheny mountains.	But it didn't stop. I know it didn't stop. Granny told me it didn't.
+But it didn't stop. I know it didn't stop. Granny told me it didn't.	No, siree, it didn't. And it won't -- no matter what happens -- just as long as the folks at the fair believe in freedom and Union. So --  Giddyap, Constitution -- and let's keep going, Mr. Stone.
+Yes, you did, Daniel! I saw it from the window. And then to lie about it! Give me that beanshooter, Daniel!	It's mine, Ma! Pa made it for me -- and I'm not going to give it to anyone!
+It's mine, Ma! Pa made it for me -- and I'm not going to give it to anyone!	Daniel give me that beanshooter!
+Daniel give me that beanshooter!	No! No! I won't.
+No! No! I won't.	Daniel! ...  I've stood just about as much as I can bear!
+Daniel, you ought to be in bed.	No, no, I don't want to go to bed. I want to be here for the party.
+Mama!	Daniel! ... You must go to sleep.
+Daniel! ... You must go to sleep.	I don't want to be up there all alone, Mama.... I want to be with you.
+I don't want to be up there all alone, Mama.... I want to be with you.	All right, darling.
+Granny, when do we move to the new house?	Move? -- We are not going to move -- the old one is good enough for us.
+Move? -- We are not going to move -- the old one is good enough for us.	But I like the new one better.
+But I like the new one better.	That's just too bad --
+Lan's to goodness, what happened to that hen? Did you use that beanshooter again?	I did not, Grandma.
+Grandma, look at me!	I see you! Riding pretty high, ain't you? Look out you don't fall off.
+I see you! Riding pretty high, ain't you? Look out you don't fall off.	Not me!
+Howdy, Jabez.	Howdy, Hank.
+Howdy, Hank.	Kin you spare a moment for me Jabez?
+Kin you spare a moment for me Jabez?	Why, of course, Hank -- I've always got time for a neighbor. What's on your mind?
+Why, of course, Hank -- I've always got time for a neighbor. What's on your mind?	Well -- here's how it is ...Tom Sharp, Eli Higgins and a couple of others been talking to me about -- that new sort of organization -- grange they call it. What you think about it?
+Well -- here's how it is ...Tom Sharp, Eli Higgins and a couple of others been talking to me about -- that new sort of organization -- grange they call it. What you think about it?	I don't know -- don't seem much of an idea to me.
+I don't know -- don't seem much of an idea to me.	Yes, but what does a farmer do if he don't want to get roped in some more by them loan sharks?
+Yes, but what does a farmer do if he don't want to get roped in some more by them loan sharks?	Oh -- you don't have to go to Miser Stevens while I'm around.
+Oh -- you don't have to go to Miser Stevens while I'm around.	Don't I? ... Say, that's mighty white of you, Jabez.
+Don't I? ... Say, that's mighty white of you, Jabez.	Not at all, Hank ... not at all. Glad to help you.
+Not at all, Hank ... not at all. Glad to help you.	Thanks, Jabez -- I really wouldn't need very much ... if you could let me have some seed to start off with enough for spring planting ...
+Say ... about the interest ...	Now don't you worry about that. You just leave it all to me. We won't talk business now ... just bear this in mind ... I'm not the man to get rich on other people's hard luck.... No, sir... not me! ...
+Loan shark -- hey?	Too bad it didn't happen to Miser Stevens.
+Too bad it didn't happen to Miser Stevens.	Are you one of old Stevens' customers too?
+Are you one of old Stevens' customers too?	Sure am.
+Sure am.	Yes, it's the debt and the lien and the mortgage that eats up the farmer!
+Sure does. But I'll have to sleep on it a couple of nights.	That's fair enough, Jabez. Man's got a right to mull things over. We'll drive round again, week or so.
+I am just thinkin' -- now they mightn't like the idea down in Washington.	Why not! There's a bill up in Congress to give us a uniform law of bankruptcy. Daniel Webster is fighting for it right now--
+Why not! There's a bill up in Congress to give us a uniform law of bankruptcy. Daniel Webster is fighting for it right now--	Black Dan'l?
+What do you want?	Howdy, Mr. Stone. We've come round to ask you if you made up your mind to join the Grange?
+Howdy, Mr. Stone. We've come round to ask you if you made up your mind to join the Grange?	What Grange?
+What Grange?	That farmers' association -- we were talking about the other day.
+Well -- we don't mean to force you, Jabez Stone -- but -- it's only for your own good.	I'll look out for myself! ... Now go away -- leave me alone.
+Jabez -- will you join our Grange now?	Why, thank you, Tom. I was going to ask you if you thought I could.
+Why, thank you, Tom. I was going to ask you if you thought I could.	We'll be mighty glad to have you with us.
+You're not -- Dorothy.	No. She's gone.
+No. She's gone.	She couldn't be gone!
+She couldn't be gone!	But she is -- I've taken her place. Don't you remember -- you wrote me a letter. Mrs. Stone was too ill.
+Never mind. What's your name?	Belle.
+Belle.	Belle --
+Stevens!	Well, Stone -- have you got the money?
+Well, Stone -- have you got the money?	I barely managed to scrape up a bit for you. I thought if I made a kind of part payment --
+I barely managed to scrape up a bit for you. I thought if I made a kind of part payment --	No, Stone!
+No, Stone!	-- in gold.
+-- in gold.	I'd like to know where you'd get it....
+I'd like to know where you'd get it....	You know -- some folks are just lucky. Others pick gold right out of the air.  Like that!
+You know -- some folks are just lucky. Others pick gold right out of the air.  Like that!	Real! Sheriff, you are a witness that this money is paid me voluntarily, and while it does not satisfy the mortgage, it has become my property.
+Real! Sheriff, you are a witness that this money is paid me voluntarily, and while it does not satisfy the mortgage, it has become my property.	Doesn't satisfy, eh? Well -- that's too bad....
+Mornin', Jabez ...	Hello, Stevens ... you're early today.
+Hello, Stevens ... you're early today.	Yes, I wanted to get here before the others.... I want to talk to you alone.
+Yes, I wanted to get here before the others.... I want to talk to you alone.	Some other time, Stevens.
+Good evening -- I'm sorry, Jabez -- I'm a little late.	No, you're not.
+No, you're not.	Where's everybody?
+Where's everybody?	I dunno -- I can't figure it out. I've invited them all. Why don't they come?
+Now run along, Daniel.	What a fine boy you have, Jabez. How old is he now?
+What a fine boy you have, Jabez. How old is he now?	Almost seven.  No -- no, he's not seven yet I am sure --
+Almost seven.  No -- no, he's not seven yet I am sure --	Well -- it seems to me -- I remember when you paid me--
+What's the matter with you?	You are afraid!
+You are afraid!	Afraid ... of what?
+Afraid ... of what?	-- of what happens after we die!
+-- of what happens after we die!	Are you plumb crazy, man! What do you think happens? We're buried -- that's all.
+Are you plumb crazy, man! What do you think happens? We're buried -- that's all.	But what becomes of our souls?
+But what becomes of our souls?	Why do you fret about something that isn't there?
+Why do you fret about something that isn't there?	Don't say that -- I know it is --
+Don't say that -- I know it is --	All right -- so it's buried with you!
+All right -- so it's buried with you!	What if one hasn't a soul any more? What of that?
+What if one hasn't a soul any more? What of that?	Huh? -- What's that?  Well -- what about it? Who cares, anyhow?
+Huh? -- What's that?  Well -- what about it? Who cares, anyhow?	I do -- and I think you should too.
+I do -- and I think you should too.	Stevens -- what's all this leading up to? You know something. Come on! Out with it -- you know something about me!
+Do you deny that you called me? I've known people in other States who went back on their word. But I didn't expect it in New Hampshire.	You can't say that to me! I'm New Hampshire. If I say I called you, I did.  I guess I did.
+You can't say that to me! I'm New Hampshire. If I say I called you, I did.  I guess I did.	You've had a lot of bad luck these days. And yet -- it's all so unnecessary. When I think of your opportunities --
+You've had a lot of bad luck these days. And yet -- it's all so unnecessary. When I think of your opportunities --	Opportunities?
+Opportunities?	Of course. Why man, you have one of the richest farms in the county.  You just go about it the wrong way -- so many men do. Hard work -- well, that's all right for people who don't know how to do anything else. It's all right for people who aren't lucky -- but once you're lucky -- you don't work for other people. You make them work for you.
+Of course. Why man, you have one of the richest farms in the county.  You just go about it the wrong way -- so many men do. Hard work -- well, that's all right for people who don't know how to do anything else. It's all right for people who aren't lucky -- but once you're lucky -- you don't work for other people. You make them work for you.	Well, now, Mister, that sounds all right. But--
+Well, now, Mister, that sounds all right. But--	A clever man like yourself -- he can find money anywhere. Money to pay his bills -- money for his wife and his children -- money to be a rich man. All he needs is a friend to point it out to him.  Like that!
+Where did it come from?	Oh, you know the old story -- the Hessian wagon train that was ambushed on the way to Saratoga. Some of the gold has been buried under your barn!
+Oh, you know the old story -- the Hessian wagon train that was ambushed on the way to Saratoga. Some of the gold has been buried under your barn!	Yes, why shouldn't it?
+Yes, why shouldn't it?	Yes, of course, people forgot -- or the men who knew about it died, you know how these things happen.
+It's mine?	That's right, Mr. Stone -- there is --  -- just one little formality. I'd like your signature here -- see. And when it's done -- it's done for seven years.  It's our usual form. Of course -- we may be able to take up the question of a renewal in due time.
+That's right, Mr. Stone -- there is --  -- just one little formality. I'd like your signature here -- see. And when it's done -- it's done for seven years.  It's our usual form. Of course -- we may be able to take up the question of a renewal in due time.	What does it mean here -- about my soul?
+What does it mean here -- about my soul?	Well, why should that worry you. A soul -- a soul is nothing. Can you see it, smell it, touch it? -- No! -- Think of it -- this soul -- your soul -- a nothing, against seven whole years of good luck! You will have money and all that money can buy. Upon my word, Neighbor Stone, if it weren't for my firm's reputation for generous dealing--
+No, no! Give it to me!	A pin, Neighbor Stone! I'm afraid, you'll have to prick your finger -- but what's a little pain to a lucky man?
+Excellent. A firm, fair signature. One that will last till doomsday.  My dear Neighbor Stone, I congratulate you! You're going to be the richest man in New Hampshire!	Well, I'll be --
+Well, I'll be --	Yes, indeed. But not now. Not for seven years. Oh, I almost forgot -- what is the date?
+Yes, indeed. But not now. Not for seven years. Oh, I almost forgot -- what is the date?	The seventh day of April --
+The seventh day of April --	1840. Well, that'll take us to the seventh day of April in 1847.
+Good evening, Neighbor Stone.	Look here now--
+Look here now--	Oh come, Neighbor Stone. I wouldn't cut that tree if I were you. It means a breach of contract.
+Oh come, Neighbor Stone. I wouldn't cut that tree if I were you. It means a breach of contract.	I don't care.
+I don't care.	But you should, now that you are becoming a father.
+But you should, now that you are becoming a father.	Leave your tongue off of that!
+Leave your tongue off of that!	Oh, certainly. I shan't even come to the christening -- it would be tactless and in wretched bad taste.  But I may send a friend of mine -- just for old sake's sake. Yes, I might do that.
+Why, Mr. Stone, you look so worried. Can I be of any service?	You promised me prosperity, happiness, love, money, friendship --
+You promised me prosperity, happiness, love, money, friendship --	Just a minute, neighbor Stone. I promised you money and all that money can buy. I don't recall any other obligations. But let's look at the contract.
+.... Miser Stevens' soul, Mr. Stone. Yes -- I am sorry for the disturbance.	He ain't dead -- he's dancing in there.
+He ain't dead -- he's dancing in there.	He was --
+Are they all as -- small -- as that?	Small? Oh, I see what you mean. Why, they vary.  Now a man like Daniel Webster, if I ever get hold of him, I'd have to build a special box for him and even at that, I imagine, the wing spread would be astonishing.  In your case --
+Small? Oh, I see what you mean. Why, they vary.  Now a man like Daniel Webster, if I ever get hold of him, I'd have to build a special box for him and even at that, I imagine, the wing spread would be astonishing.  In your case --	My time isn't up yet.
+Trying to break our contract again, Mr. Stone?	I'm through with you.
+I'm through with you.	What a headstrong fellow! Well -- I guess you're quite prepared to suffer the consequences.
+What a headstrong fellow! Well -- I guess you're quite prepared to suffer the consequences.	I have still a year -- a year to make up for everything.
+I have still a year -- a year to make up for everything.	Oh no, you violated clause five of our contract and I could collect right now, if I chose.
+Oh no, you violated clause five of our contract and I could collect right now, if I chose.	Not now! Not now!  -- Let me make up -- let me make up.
+Not now! Not now!  -- Let me make up -- let me make up.	Suddenly you seem quite desperate, Mr. Stone --  -- You know I'm a good-natured man. I'm always open to reason. With a little security -- I might--
+Suddenly you seem quite desperate, Mr. Stone --  -- You know I'm a good-natured man. I'm always open to reason. With a little security -- I might--	Anything -- anything. -- You can have it all back -- that money -- the new house -- my farm -- the whole caboodle!
+Anything -- anything. -- You can have it all back -- that money -- the new house -- my farm -- the whole caboodle!	I'm afraid that's hardly the sort of security I was thinking of --  You see -- there is that promising little fellow, your son ...
+I'm afraid that's hardly the sort of security I was thinking of --  You see -- there is that promising little fellow, your son ...	No! No! No! Not him -- not my son -- I'd rather go with you -- right now.
+No! No! No! Not him -- not my son -- I'd rather go with you -- right now.	Come, come, Mr. Stone, you are a little upset. It's not fair to bargain with you now. -- I'll give you until midnight, Mr. Stone, but not one minute more. Ah, then you'll come with me indeed.
+Well now, Mr. Stone, did you make up your mind?	About what?
+About what?	Are you willing to give me your son in exchange for an extension of our contract?
+Are you willing to give me your son in exchange for an extension of our contract?	Never!
+Jabez Stone -- did you or did you not sign this document?	Yes, I did -- but you tricked me into signing it! You told me my soul was nothing ... that I could forget all about a soul, in exchange for money. That was a lie, a lie, a lie.
+Yes, I did -- but you tricked me into signing it! You told me my soul was nothing ... that I could forget all about a soul, in exchange for money. That was a lie, a lie, a lie.	That is highly irrelevant to this case, Your Honor.
+Yes -- yes, I am the richest man -- too rich. I can't think of anything but money. That's the trouble with me.	But, Mr. Stone, I am hardly to blame for the pricking of your wholly unnecessary conscience.  Is this your signature?
+But, Mr. Stone, I am hardly to blame for the pricking of your wholly unnecessary conscience.  Is this your signature?	You know darn well it is.
+You know darn well it is.	Gentlemen, the prosecution rests.
+Ten throws -- Mr. Webster?	Ten throws it is.
+You win. Will you ride to the village with me, Mr. Stone?	Thank you, Mr. Webster.
+I don't seem to be so very popular after all -- in Cross Corners.	Seems like it's my fault, Mr. Webster.
+Seems like it's my fault, Mr. Webster.	Not at all, lad -- not at all.  For a good game of horseshoes I would always sacrifice fame and acclaim.
+Here's a man who knows what's good for Dan'l Webster! Medford rum! Ah, a breath of the Promised Land!  To the champion of the Iron Horseshoe, Jabez Stone!	Thanks, Mr. Webster!  To the champion of the whole United States -- Dan'l Webster!
+Eloquent speech, Neighbor Stone -- couldn't have done better myself --  -- under the circumstances.  Thank you.	Mr. Webster -- I'd like you to meet my wife, Mary.
+Mr. Webster -- I'd like you to meet my wife, Mary.	Well -- I'll be -- if it isn't little Mary Sampson from Franklin.
+Well -- Mr. Webster! This is a great day for me. Come on in, sir. I want you to take the seat of honor and meet all my guests!	That's just fine, Neighbor Stone -- but -- I have to be pretty careful of my seats of honor -- where I sit, I mean. You see, the whole country sort of has its eye on me, Jabez -- anybody in public life has that difficulty -- even you, Jabez. They watch us carefully, our neighbors and our enemies, and they see much more than we think they do -- and understand much more. My friends all like to think that I've got the good of mankind always at heart, and I've got to make sure that those I deal with have the good of mankind always at heart, too. Do you know what I'm talking about, Jabez?
+That's just fine, Neighbor Stone -- but -- I have to be pretty careful of my seats of honor -- where I sit, I mean. You see, the whole country sort of has its eye on me, Jabez -- anybody in public life has that difficulty -- even you, Jabez. They watch us carefully, our neighbors and our enemies, and they see much more than we think they do -- and understand much more. My friends all like to think that I've got the good of mankind always at heart, and I've got to make sure that those I deal with have the good of mankind always at heart, too. Do you know what I'm talking about, Jabez?	What -- what's on your mind?
+What -- what's on your mind?	You, Jabez Stone -- you and a lot of poor farmers, hereabouts -- good men of the earth who are in trouble because of you. Or -- am I wrong about those contracts, Mr. Stone?
+You, Jabez Stone -- you and a lot of poor farmers, hereabouts -- good men of the earth who are in trouble because of you. Or -- am I wrong about those contracts, Mr. Stone?	Contracts? -- Yes, they have contracts with me -- lots of 'em -- but -- but that's all right. Without me and my money, they wouldn't have anything.
+Contracts? -- Yes, they have contracts with me -- lots of 'em -- but -- but that's all right. Without me and my money, they wouldn't have anything.	They'd have a good neighbor, Jabez -- and that's worth much more than anything else -- much, much more!
+I'm sorry you can't see that, I know you could once -- you made a little speech once, that I'll always remember and I know the others do too --  They remember and they see how you have changed. That's why they didn't want to come tonight to you, Jabez -- you're as blind as a Burma bat, with your gold pot! Mind you, it's not the money, I've been talking about, it's what you make of it.	I -- I don't know what you're talking about! I -- I haven't time to listen to all this --
+I -- I don't know what you're talking about! I -- I haven't time to listen to all this --	No -- you haven't time -- You haven't time for your mother, or your wife, or your child.
+No -- you haven't time -- You haven't time for your mother, or your wife, or your child.	It's your fault! You brought Daniel Webster here -- just to try to make a fool of me! You played the sneak behind my back -- made up all sorts of lies against me! You can get yourself out of my home -- go back to the other house -- that old place, where you belong -- I don't want to -- to talk to you again!
+It's here you said that you closed the deal with him?	Yes, Mr. Webster -- it was here where it all began.
+Yes, Mr. Webster -- it was here where it all began.	I see. And this is where he'd like to collect, too.
+I see. And this is where he'd like to collect, too.	Yes -- at midnight.
+They make plucky women in New England.  H'm ... how long have we to wait?	Not long -- now.
+Not long -- now.	Then I'll just christen the jug, with your permission, Stone. Somehow or other, waiting's wonderfully shorter with a jug.
+There's nothing like it. I saw an inchworm take a drop of it once, and he stood right up on his hind legs and bit a bee. Come -- try a nip!	There's no joy in it for me.
+There's no joy in it for me.	Oh, come, man, come. Just because you've sold your soul to the devil that needn't make you a teetotaler.
+You were worried, Jabez, weren't you?	Well, I --
+Well, I --	I know -- that was mighty queer Medford -- knew it the minute I tasted it. But it takes more than that to down Daniel Webster.
+Ma says breakfast's ready, Mr. Webster!	Breakfast ... Ah! ... Come along friends, Ma Stone's a cook this side of heaven.
+Coming along, Jabez?	Shall we?
+Why -- good morning, Squire.	Morning, Jabez.
+Ahem -- we want to have a little confidential talk with you, Neighbor Stone. Don't like to take a man away from his planting -- but sometimes --	Come right into the parlor, won't you, folks.
+Mighty good of you to come out, Squire -- sparing all this time to --  Sheriff, too -- and Schoolmaster -- mighty nice.	Ahem -- Neighbor Stone, we want--
+Oh!	Headache -- Squire?
+Headache -- Squire?	Worst I had in years -- ahem -- starting a spring cold, I guess -- er -- don't happen to have a bit of camomile tea in the house, do you, Stone?
+Worst I had in years -- ahem -- starting a spring cold, I guess -- er -- don't happen to have a bit of camomile tea in the house, do you, Stone?	Camomile tea!
+And so, Jabez Stone, in the name of the Whig Party of Cross Corners, we offer you the nomination of that party for Selectman.	Selectman? Selectman of the village? Me?
+But -- I was just lucky.	Well? Don't a politician have to be?
+Howdy, Squire! Howdy! Oh -- how do you do, Squire.	How do you do, Belle? How are you, Jabez?  Well -- mighty elegant house you got here.
+How do you do, Belle? How are you, Jabez?  Well -- mighty elegant house you got here.	You really think so?
+Well, Jabez -- I'm a little pressed for time. You wanted to discuss something -- some business --	Oh yes -- yes. Won't take a minute. Can you keep a secret?
+Oh yes -- yes. Won't take a minute. Can you keep a secret?	Why of course --
+Why of course --	Dan'l Webster is coming to my party.
+Dan'l Webster is coming to my party.	Dan'l Webster?
+Dan'l Webster?	Yes -- and that's the reason I wanted to talk with you. You got my invitation?
+Yes -- and that's the reason I wanted to talk with you. You got my invitation?	Yes.
+Yes.	Now look -- here's a list of the people I invited -- they're all the right kind of people -- or did I miss anybody?
+Now look -- here's a list of the people I invited -- they're all the right kind of people -- or did I miss anybody?	The only one you missed -- is the President.
+The only one you missed -- is the President.	You think that's a joke? I had him on there too, but I was afraid Dan'l Webster might feel insulted.
+You keep that -- that's for you. I want you to talk up the party to make sure that the best folks really come.	You want me to go around --
+You want me to go around --	"Yes  siree -- that's the idea. Get them all here and then say: ""Look, folks -- here's Daniel Webster, my guest of honor."" Golly, I can see their eyes pop already."
+"Yes  siree -- that's the idea. Get them all here and then say: ""Look, folks -- here's Daniel Webster, my guest of honor."" Golly, I can see their eyes pop already."	You mean that's all you had me come out here for?
+You mean that's all you had me come out here for?	Now, Squire, you're not going to let me down. We still want to do a lot of business together, don't we?
+Now, Squire, you're not going to let me down. We still want to do a lot of business together, don't we?	Well -- yes --
+Well -- yes --	That's fine. Now you can tell people all about the house, but don't mention Webster.
+That's fine. Now you can tell people all about the house, but don't mention Webster.	You are not so sure that he'll come.
+You are not so sure that he'll come.	Oh yes -- I am -- want to bet?
+Oh yes -- I am -- want to bet?	Why not -- ?
+Why not -- ?	How much?
+How much?	5000 -- that's just what I owe you.
+5000 -- that's just what I owe you.	Shake!
+Jabez -- help!	Coming.
+Down, Shep! Down!	He only wants you to throw the stick for him, Jabez. I guess he's feeling the spring a-coming, too.
+He only wants you to throw the stick for him, Jabez. I guess he's feeling the spring a-coming, too.	All right -- only he needn't dirty my pants!
+What is that smile on your face?  Is there anything wrong with me?	Now, Jabez! I've got on my Sunday bonnet and I'm going to church with my husband. Almost the first time since the beginning of winter -- and if that isn't an occasion, I don't know what is.
+Now, Jabez! I've got on my Sunday bonnet and I'm going to church with my husband. Almost the first time since the beginning of winter -- and if that isn't an occasion, I don't know what is.	You're right, Mary.
+I think his leg is broken.	Oh, Jabez.
+Oh, Jabez.	Yep.
+I remember Dad used to say sometimes, when they were handing out hard luck, the farmers got there first.	Jabez, don't you remember your own wedding? We said it's for better or worse. We said it's for richer or poorer.
+Jabez, don't you remember your own wedding? We said it's for better or worse. We said it's for richer or poorer.	That's what we said.
+He's stubborn as a Stone.	Hold the splint tighter -- it's almost done.  Go on reading, Ma. This man, Job, he had troubles, didn't he?
+Well, I'll be -- there's a rig, turning in, by the gate.	Who is it?
+Who is it?	It's Tom Sharp and two other fellers -- Oh, glory -- where's my pants?
+""" ... and if the final vote shall leave thousands of our fellow citizens and their families in hopeless distress, can we -- members of the Government -- go to our beds with a clear conscience, can we, without self- reproach, supplicate the Almighty Mercy to forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors?"	That's wonderful language. It would move a stone.
+That's wonderful language. It would move a stone.	If it would only move old Miser Stevens -- We've still got to pay him.
+Well -- what are we going to do?	We can still use my butter money.
+We can still use my butter money.	Your butter money?
+Your butter money?	Do you think I'm grudging it?
+Do you think I'm grudging it?	Mary -- it's gone.
+Mary -- it's gone.	Not all of it?
+Not all of it?	Yes -- I had to pay the vet in full. He just wouldn't have treated the horse this time. After all, we can't very well do without a horse.
+Yes -- I had to pay the vet in full. He just wouldn't have treated the horse this time. After all, we can't very well do without a horse.	It's all right, Jabez. We'll find something to pay Stevens.
+It's all right, Jabez. We'll find something to pay Stevens.	If the pig hadn't broke his leg, we could have taken him.
+If the pig hadn't broke his leg, we could have taken him.	Jabez! Couldn't you take a sack of seed instead?
+Jabez! Couldn't you take a sack of seed instead?	To save us work on the spring plowing?
+To save us work on the spring plowing?	You always said, the field uphill needs a rest, but if you think --
+You always said, the field uphill needs a rest, but if you think --	Mary, I'm a farmer -- always will be. To me seed isn't a thing to pay debts with, it's alive, more alive than anything -- but I guess you're right. We just got to do it. Oh -- how's it all going to end?
+Mary, I'm a farmer -- always will be. To me seed isn't a thing to pay debts with, it's alive, more alive than anything -- but I guess you're right. We just got to do it. Oh -- how's it all going to end?	Jabez -- you ought to talk to Tom about joining the Grange.
+Jabez -- you ought to talk to Tom about joining the Grange.	I will, Mary -- always thought a man could be stronger alone -- seems I've been wrong about that.
+Jabez!	Seed alone won't do, Mary. We have to throw the calf in.
+Seed alone won't do, Mary. We have to throw the calf in.	Oh Jabez! And we were counting on ...  It's a lovely calf.
+Oh Jabez! And we were counting on ...  It's a lovely calf.	You're right, Mary it's a fine calf. That's why Stevens'll take it for the rest of the payment.
+Mary--	Jabez ...
+Jabez ...	Mary -- how do you feel?
+I'll get the doctor.	No, Jabez -- all I need is some rest -- You go and pay our debt. Everything'll be all right then ... everything.
+Mary -- what would you do with a pot o' gold?	Jabez!
+Jabez!	Mary -- what would you do?
+Mary -- what would you do?	Well -- I -- I don't know -- I would pay our debts and well -- maybe get a new bonnet, but -- really -- I think I would live the same.
+Well -- I -- I don't know -- I would pay our debts and well -- maybe get a new bonnet, but -- really -- I think I would live the same.	Mary -- look! Hessian gold. I found it in the barn.
+It feels fine now, Jabez.	Will you come into town with me tomorrow?
+Will you come into town with me tomorrow?	I'd love to.
+What do you think of that, Jabez?	Looks right elegant, Mary.
+We must go on home, Jabez.	Yes, Mary.  It's been a long day.
+"Remember, Mary, how he said it: ""Couldn't have done better myself, Jabez Stone,"" and it was my first speech. I don't know what came into me, Mary. I just stood up and the words came flowing like water out of my mouth."	Oh, Jabez -- it was a wonderful day --
+But I'm glad to be home again --	Tired?
+Tired?	Worried!
+Worried!	There is nothing to worry about now.
+There is nothing to worry about now.	You'll never change -- will you?
+You'll never change -- will you?	Mary -- you just wait and see -- It's all -- just the beginning -- just the beginning -- of everything. I'll be the biggest man in New Hampshire and you'll be the wife of the biggest man.
+There's hope and promise in it, Jabez -- Planting and promise of good harvest to come.	Yes -- you are right, Mary. I can almost hear the little blades of grass a-starting up -- All the seeds a-stirring underneath the ground --
+Yes -- you are right, Mary. I can almost hear the little blades of grass a-starting up -- All the seeds a-stirring underneath the ground --	Don't take cold, Jabez.  Come -- it's warm in here.
+Mary --	Jabez --
+Mary, get three cups of camomile tea for the Squire and the rest. They all feel colds coming on.	I'll get it, Jabez.
+I'll get it, Jabez.	Thanks, Mary.
+Mary! I'm -- Selectman of Cross Corners!	Oh -- Jabez.
+You could have knocked me down with a feather -- Selectman -- me.	I'll never get my washing done.
+I'll never get my washing done.	That's one thing I want to talk to you about, Mary.
+That's one thing I want to talk to you about, Mary.	Yes, Mr. Selectman!
+Yes, Mr. Selectman!	I'm serious.
+I'm serious.	It's very becoming to you, Mr. Selectman.
+It's very becoming to you, Mr. Selectman.	But it's not very becoming to you to have your hands in the suds -- when the Squire and his wife --
+But it's not very becoming to you to have your hands in the suds -- when the Squire and his wife --	But Jabez -- the washing has to be done --
+But Jabez -- the washing has to be done --	Well -- that's the last time -- we'll have servants to do it.
+Well -- that's the last time -- we'll have servants to do it.	No, no. I don't want to be idle.
+No, no. I don't want to be idle.	And I don't want to have a washwoman for a wife.
+Jabez -- once you said we'd never change --	I wasn't used to being big -- wasn't used to thinking in big ways. Now, I've made up my mind.
+Ruined -- all the fields -- ruined.	Mary -- but look -- it didn't touch an ear of my corn -- we'll have a rich harvest.
+Mary --	Hello, Jabez --  Here's your son.
+Well -- I -- I-	Don't be cross with him, Ma. This don't happen every day.
+Potato bug sits on the leaf in the sun, Sleep, sleep, my baby -- Raccoon sits in the spruce all night, Sleep, baby, sleep --	What in sugar hill's the matter with him?
+What in sugar hill's the matter with him?	Nothing, Jabez -- just natural for a baby to cry, sometimes.  Shh, little Daniel -- sleep -- sleep --
+What happened.... Where are you taking him?	I am going to lock him up.
+I am going to lock him up.	You're not supposed to punish my son, Mary.
+Jabez -- how can you let her talk like that when the boy is present? He won't respect me any more.	Isn't that your own fault?
+Isn't that your own fault?	My fault? ... Oh, Jabez -- all I want is to be proud of him. He can be such a fine boy, if we show him how to be.
+My fault? ... Oh, Jabez -- all I want is to be proud of him. He can be such a fine boy, if we show him how to be.	He's my son and I like him the way he is. Why do you always have to pick on him? If it's not the boy it's me. You don't like the way I live -- you don't like my friends, or my new house -- or anything.
+He's my son and I like him the way he is. Why do you always have to pick on him? If it's not the boy it's me. You don't like the way I live -- you don't like my friends, or my new house -- or anything.	But Jabez, I never said that!
+But Jabez, I never said that!	It shows on your face.
+It shows on your face.	Well -- I am worried about the way you've changed. That was one thing you said you'd never do -- remember?
+Well -- I am worried about the way you've changed. That was one thing you said you'd never do -- remember?	Oh, for heaven's sake, leave me alone!
+Why don't they come --	I don't know, Jabez.
+Think this room is larger than anything Webster's got at Marshfield? You've been there. What about it, Mary?	It's -- different, Jabez -- that's all.
+It's -- different, Jabez -- that's all.	What's the matter with 'em? Why don't they come?
+Mr. Webster ... Wait! ...  Mary!	Jabez!
+Jabez!	Mary! Come back ...
+Mary! Come back ...	Oh, Jabez! ...  Did you hear, Mr. Webster? --  Now you'll help him, won't you?
+You must go now, Mary -- you must!	All right, Jabez ...
+Jabez -- Jabez!	Mary!
+"""There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God and eschewed evil."""	Consarn the consarn --
+Consarn the consarn --	Jabez! What kind of talk is that for the Sabbath? And me a-reading the holy word!
+Jabez! What kind of talk is that for the Sabbath? And me a-reading the holy word!	Sorry, Ma -- but this consar-- this little pig --  He won't let me fix him --
+You know that, son.	Hard luck -- like me.
+Hard luck -- like me.	Now, Jabez Stone -- as for what you're calling hard luck -- well, we made New England out of it. That and codfish.
+Now, Jabez Stone -- as for what you're calling hard luck -- well, we made New England out of it. That and codfish.	That's right, Ma -- we ain't licked yet. A Stone's never licked till he's dead -- that's what Dad used to say, didn't he, Ma?
+There! Guess that ought to hold good. Put him down here, by the fire, Mary.  But we don't want to get him too close -- we'll have roast pork for supper.	Not on the Sabbath you won't, Jabez!
+How'd you know to have the calf ready, Ma?	I just figgered -- knew you didn't have enough bills.
+I just figgered -- knew you didn't have enough bills.	Yes -- and you figgered right, consarn it!
+Yes -- and you figgered right, consarn it!	That's a word you're too free with lately, Jabez, consarn this and consarn that ...
+That's a word you're too free with lately, Jabez, consarn this and consarn that ...	Helps sometimes to say it.
+Helps sometimes to say it.	All right, son -- if it helps.
+What's ailing that dog?	I dunno.
+I dunno.	Well ... make him keep quiet.
+Well ... make him keep quiet.	And why should I? Let him howl if it makes him feel good.  Consarn it. He's better off than I am! I wish I could tell Him...  ... up there, just what I think.
+And why should I? Let him howl if it makes him feel good.  Consarn it. He's better off than I am! I wish I could tell Him...  ... up there, just what I think.	Hush up such talk, Jabez!
+Hush up such talk, Jabez!	I can't help it. I mean it, I tell you. I've had more than my share. Nothing ever goes right for me -- nothing!
+You found it in the barn, hey?	Yes -- I was getting the seed -- I stumbled -- I saw one of the boards warped up a bit -- and -- there it was.
+Yes -- I was getting the seed -- I stumbled -- I saw one of the boards warped up a bit -- and -- there it was.	Most outlandish thing I ever heard tell.  Don't seem right, somehow!
+Most outlandish thing I ever heard tell.  Don't seem right, somehow!	But it's true. Take 'em up in your hands, Mary -- feel 'em -- they're real all right.  Aren't you glad?
+Well -- that's comforting!  Supper.	Say, Mary, how is your shoulder?
+Well, son, I'm glad to see a Stone come up in the world again.	Now look here, Ma. I'm not a boy anymore. I want that understood. I don't aim to stay a one-horse farmer the rest of my life. Mary's got to be the kind of wife a -- a big man needs --
+It won't be the first baby ever born in this house.  There! Made me drop a stitch!  Sit down, you make me nervous!  Lan's, that's the way a man always is. Thinks his son's the most important thing in the world.	My son! Do you really think, Ma....
+My son! Do you really think, Ma....	Oh, go along with you! As if it mattered to a grandma! But p'raps you got an even chance.
+Queer sort of weather we're having -- queer like everything else.	Well, thank the Lord you can always depend on New England for weather. We've got enough for the whole United States.
+Well, thank the Lord you can always depend on New England for weather. We've got enough for the whole United States.	I feel -- fidgety, Ma -- not right at all.
+I feel -- fidgety, Ma -- not right at all.	Lan's, I'd think you was having the baby, to hear you.
+Lan's, I'd think you was having the baby, to hear you.	Me -- a son.
+Money -- money's a funny thing, ain't it, Ma?	I figure that depends a mite on how you get it and how you spend it, Son.
+I figure that depends a mite on how you get it and how you spend it, Son.	Do you really think that?
+Do you really think that?	Why, that's just sense, Son. Now a man like Daniel Webster -- guess they pay him high for what he does. But he's worth it -- and he helps others. Makes all the difference.
+Why, that's just sense, Son. Now a man like Daniel Webster -- guess they pay him high for what he does. But he's worth it -- and he helps others. Makes all the difference.	I know, Ma, but -- Suppose a man got his money in bad ways --
+I know, Ma, but -- Suppose a man got his money in bad ways --	Wouldn't profit him none.
+You see, son? I'm old and I've lived. When a man gets his money in bad ways -- when he sees the better course and takes the worse -- then the devil is in his heart -- and that fixes him.	Ma -- and yet, a man could change that, couldn't he?
+Ma -- and yet, a man could change that, couldn't he?	A man can always change things, Son. That's what makes him different from barnyard critters.
+Oh, here you are, Jabez. Lan's, I was worried about you.... Hail in August! The crops will be ruined!	It don't matter!
+It don't matter!	What's that you say, Son?
+What's that you say, Son?	I say -- it don't matter.
+I say -- it don't matter.	Now that's the way to talk, Son! I know you worked hard for that crop. But we'll make out.
+Now that's the way to talk, Son! I know you worked hard for that crop. But we'll make out.	Make out? We'll do better than that!  I never thought I'd be glad for bad luck, but I am. I never thought I'd be glad of a hail storm at harvest time, but I am! Oh, bless ye the works of the Lord in the hail and the storm and the rain!
+Ma -- is she? --	You'll be a father any minute now.
+You'll be a father any minute now.	Golly, Ma --  Consarn that music! Shouldn't a-had the harvest festival tonight.
+Golly, Ma --  Consarn that music! Shouldn't a-had the harvest festival tonight.	Fiddlesticks! She don't hear it. Got better music to listen to than that.  There -- that's what I mean.
+You go down and see what's keeping Dorothy.	Sure, Ma.
+I want you to fix these fish!	And I say she won't! I'll not have the scorn of God on this place -- with the smell of fish in it, polluting up the Sabbath!  And as for you -- let me tell you, young woman...!
+My son ... what's the matter?	Ma! ...  Where's Mary ... and little Dan'l?
+Ma! ...  Where's Mary ... and little Dan'l?	Gone with Daniel Webster -- to Marshfield, son.... You told Mary to go--
+Ma -- Ma -- it's all right, Ma!	Of course it's all right, son. You had Daniel Webster, didn't ye?  Breakfast's ready!  I've made a special surprise for Mr. Webster.
+Yep -- you can't get around that mortgage. -- I'm sorry, Jabez.	It's all right, Sheriff.
+It's all right, Sheriff.	Wish I could really do something for you. But you know Stevens. He'll throw you off your farm tomorrow if you don't pay him tonight.
+Wish I could really do something for you. But you know Stevens. He'll throw you off your farm tomorrow if you don't pay him tonight.	Let him try it.
+Let him try it.	The law is the law. Good-bye, Mary.
+Hello, Sheriff.	Hello, Jabez -- I was just talking to Stevens about a little extension on your payment.
+Hello, Jabez -- I was just talking to Stevens about a little extension on your payment.	And you didn't get it, hey? Come on, we'll have another talk with him.
+It seems such an obvious candidature to us all.	Very well, folks. I accept.
+Come in, Sheriff.	Jabez -- seems  like I've been hearing talk around. Reverend Harper thinks more Cross Corners folk oughter be in church, Sabbath morning.
+Jabez -- seems  like I've been hearing talk around. Reverend Harper thinks more Cross Corners folk oughter be in church, Sabbath morning.	Belle, give the Sheriff a cup of rum.
+You throw mighty far, Jabez -- almost into the pigsty.	Mary -- Jabez --
+Mary -- Jabez --	Coming, Ma.
+Well, I guess we won't be going to church today.	I guess we won't.
+That is -- if you don't mind changing the lesson, Ma.	Land sakes, I don't mind. I never did hold much with Job, even if he is Scripture. He took on too much to suit me. I don't want to malign the man, but he always sounded to me as if he came from Massachusetts. Yes, Mary, you go ahead and read.
+Let her be, son. She'll do all right. You better get yourself straightened out.	Yes, Jabez -- don't worry.
+I'll try hard -- I just can't take it all in.	H'm. Hessian gold. Well -- hope it'll do us more good than it did the Hessians.
+You know, Ma, why the Squire came to see Jabez?	Yes, Mrs. Slossum told me -- Lucy can't even keep a secret -- Selectman -- my son -- well, who would have thought of that?
+What a nice -- and kind girl --  Who is she --?	The new girl -- Jabez says; she is from over the mountain.
+The new girl -- Jabez says; she is from over the mountain.	What mountain?
+Mary! Ready? First bell's a-ringing!	Yes, Ma -- I'm ready --
+She'll do nothing of the kind! She's going to church with me, right away!	Jabez -- for the good of your soul ... please come with us.
+Fox hunting -- a Stone going fox hunting on a week day -- and the earth crying out for the touch of him!	Now, Ma -- You just try to set an example for me, and keep hold of yourself.
+Now, Ma -- You just try to set an example for me, and keep hold of yourself.	Me? Why, look here, Mary Stone -- I'm worried about you, that's all.
+Me? Why, look here, Mary Stone -- I'm worried about you, that's all.	Worried about me! Well, you just stop it!
+Worried about me! Well, you just stop it!	What's that?
+What's that?	I said you should stop worrying because I've made up my mind!
+So you've made up your mind to go to the party.	You aren't angry with me?
+You aren't angry with me?	Ah, fiddlesticks -- you are old enough to know what you are doing.
+Be sure to let me know if Daniel is over there.	I won't forget.
+What are you looking for, Colonel?  What's your name?	Martin Van Buren Aldrich and my Pa's the only Democrat in Cross Corners. He said you had horns and a tall, Mr. Webster, but I ain't seen 'em yet.
+Martin Van Buren Aldrich and my Pa's the only Democrat in Cross Corners. He said you had horns and a tall, Mr. Webster, but I ain't seen 'em yet.	Well, Martin, I only wear them in Washington -- that's the trouble. But if you ever come down there, I'll show them to you.
+Well, Martin, I only wear them in Washington -- that's the trouble. But if you ever come down there, I'll show them to you.	Gee, would you, Mr. Webster? Honest?
+Gee, would you, Mr. Webster? Honest?	Of course. And you tell your father for me -- we may be on opposite sides of the fence, but I'm always glad to hear of a man who holds to his own opinions. As long as people do that -- the country's all right. Do you understand, Martin?
+Of course. And you tell your father for me -- we may be on opposite sides of the fence, but I'm always glad to hear of a man who holds to his own opinions. As long as people do that -- the country's all right. Do you understand, Martin?	Yes, sir -- I guess I do -- Gee --
+It is.	You've got a smart man, Mrs. Stone. Hang onto him.
+You've got a smart man, Mrs. Stone. Hang onto him.	-- I'm going to try, Mr. Webster.
+Well Mary, it's too bad I didn't know -- I would have given you a real dinner, but with my wife being in Washington -- Have another piece of pie --	No, really, thank you. -- Is Mrs. Webster coming back soon?
+No, really, thank you. -- Is Mrs. Webster coming back soon?	Well -- she hardly ever comes here -- she's not the type of woman who cares to live in the country. Yes -- I'm all on my own -- sometimes it makes you feel a little lonely --  Do you mind if I indulge?
+Well -- she hardly ever comes here -- she's not the type of woman who cares to live in the country. Yes -- I'm all on my own -- sometimes it makes you feel a little lonely --  Do you mind if I indulge?	Of course not --
+Of course not --	No, you wouldn't -- You're not the sort of woman that's afraid of smoke -- or fire -- But now let's talk about your affairs.
+No, you wouldn't -- You're not the sort of woman that's afraid of smoke -- or fire -- But now let's talk about your affairs.	Goodness, Mr. Webster, I've done nothing but talk about that all through dinner.
+Goodness, Mr. Webster, I've done nothing but talk about that all through dinner.	Yes, you've chatted a lot, woman-like nibbling around the edge -- But, Mary, forgive an old lawyer's legal mind, I don't think you ever once came to the point. And there is a point, isn't there?
+Yes, you've chatted a lot, woman-like nibbling around the edge -- But, Mary, forgive an old lawyer's legal mind, I don't think you ever once came to the point. And there is a point, isn't there?	Why -- yes -- it's hard to put it into words, Mr. Webster. There's this matter of little Daniel's schooling and the new house -- and well -- there's something else that's wrong -- it gets worse, year after year -- it's like a shadow growing -- I can't really talk about it, even to Ma -- she puts it all on Jabez and I won't stand for that.
+Why -- yes -- it's hard to put it into words, Mr. Webster. There's this matter of little Daniel's schooling and the new house -- and well -- there's something else that's wrong -- it gets worse, year after year -- it's like a shadow growing -- I can't really talk about it, even to Ma -- she puts it all on Jabez and I won't stand for that.	I've heard some odd things about Jabez lately -- he seems to make the wrong kind of name for himself.
+I've heard some odd things about Jabez lately -- he seems to make the wrong kind of name for himself.	Mr. Webster, you mustn't believe all that people say.
+Mr. Webster, you mustn't believe all that people say.	You don't have to defend him to me, Mary -- I've been called names myself.
+You don't have to defend him to me, Mary -- I've been called names myself.	You see, I don't care if we are rich or poor -- I don't care if we're big or small, all I care about is Jabez. He was the first man I loved. He never used to care about money -- we were poor as Job's turkey, but none of us minded. Now I've seen him drive the poor from the door, and we used to be poor ourselves. I've seen him get hard and mean, and he isn't hard or mean. I've heard him mock at the church bells -- the bells that rang for our wedding. That's not like him, Mr. Webster -- It must be my fault somehow -- my fault.
+You see, I don't care if we are rich or poor -- I don't care if we're big or small, all I care about is Jabez. He was the first man I loved. He never used to care about money -- we were poor as Job's turkey, but none of us minded. Now I've seen him drive the poor from the door, and we used to be poor ourselves. I've seen him get hard and mean, and he isn't hard or mean. I've heard him mock at the church bells -- the bells that rang for our wedding. That's not like him, Mr. Webster -- It must be my fault somehow -- my fault.	Mary -- you've talked to me as you might have talked to your father and I believe he wants me to help you a little. You see, sometimes we think we're licked in this life -- but we weren't put here to be licked. Don't you believe it. Sometimes the shadows seem to get hold of us -- the shadows and the evil -- but it is still up to us to fight. Now I was thinking before you came, of coming over to Cross Corners end of the month, to get acquainted with my Godson -- and other things.
+Mary -- you've talked to me as you might have talked to your father and I believe he wants me to help you a little. You see, sometimes we think we're licked in this life -- but we weren't put here to be licked. Don't you believe it. Sometimes the shadows seem to get hold of us -- the shadows and the evil -- but it is still up to us to fight. Now I was thinking before you came, of coming over to Cross Corners end of the month, to get acquainted with my Godson -- and other things.	Oh, could you, Mr. Webster ?
+Oh, could you, Mr. Webster ?	And now come on, Mary. I want to show you the all-fired biggest parsnips in the whole United States, raised right here in Marshfield -- of course!
+Oh -- Mr. Webster -- I'm so glad you came!	Are you, Mary?  Well, I guess I'm glad myself -- seeing as how you feel this way.  Party seems to be quite a success.  Lots of guests, anyhow.
+Jabez ...	Mary -- what love and trust could do for your husband, you've done. And frankly, in a very few moments, this is going to be no place for a lady.
+Mary -- what love and trust could do for your husband, you've done. And frankly, in a very few moments, this is going to be no place for a lady.	Mr. Webster -- you will help him?
+Mr. Webster -- you will help him?	I'll do my best, Mary.
+There is nothing like a good old country breakfast. Where's Ma?	She'll be here in a moment. She has a special surprise for you.
+Hey there, Dan'l! Black Dan'l!	Hullooo!
+Hullooo!	Someone to see you, Dan'l!
+Someone to see you, Dan'l!	If it's the British Minister, take him around to the pantry and give him some Madeira --
+If it's the British Minister, take him around to the pantry and give him some Madeira --	Just someone from New Hampshire!
+Just someone from New Hampshire!	Why, that's different!  Well, boys, I guess we'll knock off. I've got to see a friend.
+It's only a short drive, Mr. Webster.	Oh -- it's you again. What do you want?
+Oh -- it's you again. What do you want?	With the presidential election coming up, I thought I could be of some help, sir.
+With the presidential election coming up, I thought I could be of some help, sir.	I'd rather see you on the side of the opposition.
+I'd rather see you on the side of the opposition.	I'll be there, too!
+Say, that's pretty good, young man.	Pretty good -- that's perfect!
+Mr. Webster, I presume?	Attorney of record for Jabez Stone. Might I ask your name?
+Attorney of record for Jabez Stone. Might I ask your name?	Scratch will do for the evening. May I -- join you?
+Why, certainly -- but be careful, Mr. Scratch -- Medford rum has an uncanny habit of kicking back, even with old-timers like yourself.	It even kicked back -- once at you, didn't it?
+It even kicked back -- once at you, didn't it?	Me?
+Me?	Oh ..  not that you ever get drunk! No, indeed! But a kind of overpowering lassitude or, more plainly, a deep and enveloping sleep.
+Oh ..  not that you ever get drunk! No, indeed! But a kind of overpowering lassitude or, more plainly, a deep and enveloping sleep.	There isn't enough Medford rum in the whole of New Hampshire to make me sleepy.
+There isn't enough Medford rum in the whole of New Hampshire to make me sleepy.	Talk has never proved that question, Mr. Webster!  Cup for cup -- what do you say?
+Talk has never proved that question, Mr. Webster!  Cup for cup -- what do you say?	Cup for cup!
+Your spirited efforts on behalf of your clients do you credit, Mr. Webster -- If you have no more arguments to adduce I'll take him along now.	Not so fast, Mr. Scratch. Produce your evidence -- if you have it.
+Not so fast, Mr. Scratch. Produce your evidence -- if you have it.	There, Mr. Webster.  All open and above-board and in due and legal form.
+There, Mr. Webster.  All open and above-board and in due and legal form.	H'm. This appears -- I say appears -- to be properly drawn. But you shall not have this man! A man isn't property! Mr. Stone is an American citizen, and no American citizen may be forced into the service of a foreign prince.
+H'm. This appears -- I say appears -- to be properly drawn. But you shall not have this man! A man isn't property! Mr. Stone is an American citizen, and no American citizen may be forced into the service of a foreign prince.	Foreign? And who calls me a foreigner?
+Foreign? And who calls me a foreigner?	Well, I never heard the dev-- of your claiming American citizenship.
+Well, I never heard the dev-- of your claiming American citizenship.	And who with better right? When the first wrong was done to the first Indian, I was there. When the first slaver put out for the Congo, I stood on the deck. Am I not spoken of, still, in every church in New England? 'Tis true, the North claims me for a Southerner, and the South for a Northerner, but I am neither. To tell the truth, Mr. Webster, though I don't like to boast of it, my name is older in the country than yours.
+And who with better right? When the first wrong was done to the first Indian, I was there. When the first slaver put out for the Congo, I stood on the deck. Am I not spoken of, still, in every church in New England? 'Tis true, the North claims me for a Southerner, and the South for a Northerner, but I am neither. To tell the truth, Mr. Webster, though I don't like to boast of it, my name is older in the country than yours.	Then I stand on the Constitution! I demand a trial for my client.
+Then I stand on the Constitution! I demand a trial for my client.	You mean -- a jury trial?
+You mean -- a jury trial?	I do! If I can't win this case with a jury, you shall have me, too. If two New Hampshire men aren't a match for the devil, we'd better give this country back to the Indians.
+I do! If I can't win this case with a jury, you shall have me, too. If two New Hampshire men aren't a match for the devil, we'd better give this country back to the Indians.	Very well. -- You shall have your trial, Mr. Webster. The case is hardly one for an ordinary jury --
+Very well. -- You shall have your trial, Mr. Webster. The case is hardly one for an ordinary jury --	Let it be the quick or the dead -- So it is an American judge and an American jury!
+Let it be the quick or the dead -- So it is an American judge and an American jury!	The quick or the dead! You have said it.  May -- the best man win, Mr. Webster!
+The quick or the dead! You have said it.  May -- the best man win, Mr. Webster!	I'll drink to that, Mr. Scratch!
+Your Honor -- gentlemen of the jury -- this case need not detain us long. It concerns one thing alone -- the transference, barter and sale of a certain piece of property, to wit, his soul by Jabez Stone. That transference, barter or sale is attested by a deed. I offer that deed in evidence and mark it Exhibit A.	I object.
+My congratulations -- as between two gentlemen.	Why, you long-barreled, slab-sided, lantern- jawed, note-shaving crook, be off with you ...
+I wanted to give it all to the church.	My money? Why, Mister Stevens? What a quaint idea. Come over to the door. I want to speak to you privately. Stop throwing away that money. We mustn't let people see any softness in you, Mister Stevens.... People take advantage of softness, you know. Come out of there -- I'll give you an extension if you'll forget this stupid repentance idea.
+My money? Why, Mister Stevens? What a quaint idea. Come over to the door. I want to speak to you privately. Stop throwing away that money. We mustn't let people see any softness in you, Mister Stevens.... People take advantage of softness, you know. Come out of there -- I'll give you an extension if you'll forget this stupid repentance idea.	That isn't it. It's ... the loneliness, Mr. Scratch ... the loneliness!
+That isn't it. It's ... the loneliness, Mr. Scratch ... the loneliness!	The loneliness? Lonely with all your gold, Mister Stevens? That hardly makes sense.
+The loneliness? Lonely with all your gold, Mister Stevens? That hardly makes sense.	I want someone to talk to ...
+I want someone to talk to ...	You can talk to me ...
+You can talk to me ...	No, no ...  I want to talk to men ... to people in Cross Corners ...to my neighbors ...
+No, no ...  I want to talk to men ... to people in Cross Corners ...to my neighbors ...	Why don't you?
+Why don't you?	I can't be honest with them.
+I can't be honest with them.	Oh, that's what you want -- well, you can be perfectly honest with Jabez Stone -- now.
+I'm John McClane.	Argyle.  I'm your limo driver.  Hey, nice bag.
+Argyle.  Don't you take this stuff?	Do I?  I'm sorry.  You're gonna have to help me, man.  This is my first time driving a limo.
+Do I?  I'm sorry.  You're gonna have to help me, man.  This is my first time driving a limo.	That's okay.  This is my first time riding in one.
+If your friend is hot to trot...I know a couple of mama bears.  ...Or is he married?	Married.
+The girl was off today.  Hey, I didn't expect you to sit up front.  So, your lady live out here?	The past six months.
+The past six months.	Meanwhile, you still live in New York?
+Meanwhile, you still live in New York?	You're nosey, you know that, Argyle?
+You're nosey, you know that, Argyle?	Hey, I'm sorry.  When I was a cabdriver, see, people expected a little chit chat, a little eccentricity and comaraderie, I forgot how stuck up you limo guys were, so excuse me.
+Hey, I'm sorry.  When I was a cabdriver, see, people expected a little chit chat, a little eccentricity and comaraderie, I forgot how stuck up you limo guys were, so excuse me.	It's okay, it's okay.
+It's okay, it's okay.	So, you divorced of what?
+She had a good job, it turned into a great career.	But meant her moving here.
+But meant her moving here.	Closer to Japan.  You're fast.
+Closer to Japan.  You're fast.	So, why didn't you come?
+So, why didn't you come?	'Cause I'm a New York cop who used to be a New York kid, and I got six months backlog of New York scumbags I'm still trying to put behind bars. I don't just get up and move.
+'Cause I'm a New York cop who used to be a New York kid, and I got six months backlog of New York scumbags I'm still trying to put behind bars. I don't just get up and move.	You mean you thought she wouldn't make it out here and she'd come crawling on back, so why bother to pack?
+Like I said, Argyle...you're fast.	Mind if I play some tunes?
+How 'bout some Christmas music?	That is Christmas music.
+So, you go on upstairs to the party, your lady sees you, you run into each other's arms.  Music comes up, you live happily ever after, that it?	It's corny, but I could live with it.
+It's corny, but I could live with it.	What is it don't work out that way? Where you gonna stay?
+What is it don't work out that way? Where you gonna stay?	I'll find someplace.
+You're all right, Argyle.	Just remember that when you sign for the tip.  They're paying for it, so don't be shy.
+I'm Special Agent Johnson of the FBI. This is Agent Johnson...no relation.	Dwayne Robinson, LAPD.  I'm in charge here.
+Dwayne Robinson, LAPD.  I'm in charge here.	Not any more.
+One of yours?	No, sir.
+No, sir.	If he's not a terrorist, and he's not a hostage...he's just not part of the equation.
+-- ten blocks?  Are you crazy?  It's Christmas Eve, thousands of people -- the Mayor'll scream bloody murder --	We must shut down the building.  Go wider --!
+What's happening?	They don't look happy...something's gone wrong.
+They don't look happy...something's gone wrong.	The police...?
+The police...?	John.
+John.	John?  Christ, he could fuck this whole thing up...what does he think he's doing?
+John?  Christ, he could fuck this whole thing up...what does he think he's doing?	How about his job?
+How about his job?	His 'job' is 3000 miles away.  Without him, they might let us go...at least we have a chance...
+His 'job' is 3000 miles away.  Without him, they might let us go...at least we have a chance...	Tell that to Mr. Takagi.
+Where are you going?	I'm tired of sitting here waiting to see who gets us killed first... them...or your husband.  Hi there.
+I'm tired of sitting here waiting to see who gets us killed first... them...or your husband.  Hi there.	What are you going to do?
+What are you going to do?	Hey, I negotiate million dollar deals for breakfast.  I can handle these clowns.  I want to talk to Hans.  Hans! Sprickenzie talk?
+John, they're giving me a few minutes to try and talk some sense into you. I know you think you're doing your job, and I can appreciate that, but you're just dragging this thing out. None of us gets out of here until these people can negotiate with the LA police, and they're just not gonna start doing that until you stop messing up the works.	Ellis, what have you told them?
+Ellis, what have you told them?	I told them we're old friends and you were my guest at the party.
+Ellis...you shouldn't be doing this...	Tell me about it.
+John, I think you could get with the program a little.  The police are here now.  It's their problem. Tell these guys where the detonators are so no one else gets hurt.  Hey, I'm putting my life on the line for you buddy...	Don't you think I know that!  Put Hans on!  Hans, listen to me, that shithead doesn't know what kind of scum you are, but I do --
+What am I, a method actor?  Hans, babe, put away the gun.  This is radio, not television...	That asshole's not my friend! I barely know him!  I hate his fucking guts --  -- Ellis, for Christ's sake, tell him you don't mean shit to me --
+That asshole's not my friend! I barely know him!  I hate his fucking guts --  -- Ellis, for Christ's sake, tell him you don't mean shit to me --	John, how can you say that, after all these years--?  John?  John?
+Hope I'm not interrupting...?	What does he want?
+You're very perceptive.	Hey, I read the papers, I watch 60 minutes, I say to myself, these guys are professionals, they're motivated, they're happening. They want something.  Now, personally, I don't care about your politics. Maybe you're pissed at the Camel Jockeys, maybe it's the Hebes, Northern Ireland, that's none of my business.  I figure, You're here to negotiate, am I right?
+Hey, I read the papers, I watch 60 minutes, I say to myself, these guys are professionals, they're motivated, they're happening. They want something.  Now, personally, I don't care about your politics. Maybe you're pissed at the Camel Jockeys, maybe it's the Hebes, Northern Ireland, that's none of my business.  I figure, You're here to negotiate, am I right?	You're amazing.  You figured this all out already?
+You're amazing.  You figured this all out already?	Hey, business is business.  You use a gun, I use a fountain pen, what's the difference?  To put it in my terms, you're here on a hostile takeover and you grab us for some greenmail but you didn't expect a poison pill was gonna be running around the building.  Hans, baby...I'm your white knight.
+Hey, business is business.  You use a gun, I use a fountain pen, what's the difference?  To put it in my terms, you're here on a hostile takeover and you grab us for some greenmail but you didn't expect a poison pill was gonna be running around the building.  Hans, baby...I'm your white knight.	I must have missed 60 Minutes.  What are you saying?
+I must have missed 60 Minutes.  What are you saying?	The guy upstairs who's fucking things up?  I can give him to you.
+Nothing...	See to Heinrich...  Now...you can break the code key...?
+I know what you are feeling.  But this is not productive --	He was my only brother...my only family!  I want blood for my blood.  We search...now.
+"No.  Heinrich's team must finish planting the detonators...and Theo needs time on the vault.  After the			* police come they'll waste hours trying to negotiate...that's when we search			* for this man.  Until then...we do not alter the plan."	"And if he alters it...?						*"
+Hans, he killed by brother --	Karl, I know you want him, but the police are probably on their way. Maybe we can convince them it was all a mistake, but not if they hear gunshots! If you lock him in he'll be neutralized -- now do it!  Karl?  Karl!
+He wasn't lying about Marco:  He's thirty stories down on the street. The other man is Heinrich, and I found his body upstairs.  And his bag is missing.	He had the detonators!  Theo?  Theo!
+-- you wouldn't let me kill him when I had the chance --	If you'd listened to me he would be neutralized already!
+If you'd listened to me he would be neutralized already!	I don't want neutral...I want dead --
+'Asian Dawn Movement?'	I read about them in Time magazine.  When these Revolutionary Brothers and Sisters are Free, the hostages in this building will be taken to the roof and they will accompany us in helicopters to the Los Angeles International Airport where you will be given further instructions.  You have two hours to comply.
+It's beautiful.  I always enjoyed models as a boy.  The exactness, the attention to every foreseeable detail... perfection.	This is what this is about?  Out building project in Indonesia? Contrary to what you people think, we're going to develop that region... not 'exploit' it.
+Yes...I know about them.  The code key is a necessary step in accessing the vault.	You want...money?  What kind of terrorists are you?
+You want...money?  What kind of terrorists are you?	Who said we were terrorists?
+The code key, please...?	It's useless to you!  There's seven safeguards on our vault, and the code key is only one of them!  You'll never get it open!
+I don't know it!  get on a Goddamn jet to Tokyo and ask the chairman! I'm telling you!  You're just going to have to kill me --	Okay.
+Bad for your health anyway.	Who are you, then?
+Who are you, then?	Just the fly in the ointment, Hans. The monkey in the wrench, the pain in the ass -
+Mr. Mystery Guest.  Are you still there?	I wouldn't think of leaving, Hans. Unless you want to open the front door...?
+I wouldn't think of leaving, Hans. Unless you want to open the front door...?	I'm afraid not.  But you have me at a loss -- you know my name, but who are you?  Just another American who saw too many movies as a child.  Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne...Rambo... Marshal Dillion.
+I'm afraid not.  But you have me at a loss -- you know my name, but who are you?  Just another American who saw too many movies as a child.  Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne...Rambo... Marshal Dillion.	Actually, I was always partial to Roy Rogers.  I really dug those sequined shirts.
+Actually, I was always partial to Roy Rogers.  I really dug those sequined shirts.	Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?
+Hear that?  Talk to me, where are my detonators.  Where are they or shall I shoot another one?  Sooner or later...  ...I might get to someone you do care about.	Go fuck yourself.
+--ohGodplease -- don't kill me -- don't kill me -- you're one of them, I know it --	Whoa, whoa, easy man.  I won't hurt you.  Who are you?  What are you looking for?
+You...you're an American?	Only if New Jersey counts.
+You...you don't work for Nakatomi... and if you're not one of them...	I'm a cop from New York.
+I'm a cop from New York.	New York...
+New York...	They invited me to the Xmas party. Who knew?
+Better than being caught with your pants down, right?  John McClane.	William Clay.  Call me Bill.
+Bill, you know how to use a handgun?	One weekend I went to a combat ranch...  You know, that game with the, the guns that shoot red paint?  Must sound pretty silly to you...
+One weekend I went to a combat ranch...  You know, that game with the, the guns that shoot red paint?  Must sound pretty silly to you...	Sounds better than nothing.
+Hans.  Your Hans.	Put it down now.
+Put it down now.	That was tricky, with the accent. I bet you do a great Ed Sullivan. Why do you need the detonators, Hans? I already used the explosives.
+That was tricky, with the accent. I bet you do a great Ed Sullivan. Why do you need the detonators, Hans? I already used the explosives.	I'm going to count to three...
+I'm going to count to three...	Yeah.  Like you did with Takagi.
+Nein, dies ein ist mein.  This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.	That was Gary Cooper, shithead...
+That was Gary Cooper, shithead...	No more jokes, drop it or she gets it between the eyes!
+No more jokes, drop it or she gets it between the eyes!	Whoa, Hans, now you're the cowboy?
+Whoa, Hans, now you're the cowboy?	'Yippe-ki-yea, mother fucker'?  Now you are fucked.
+Then there's no reason not to tell it to us.	I told you...
+How long?	Thirty minutes to break the code... Two hours for the five mechanicals. The seventh lock...that's out of my hands.
+Thirty minutes to break the code... Two hours for the five mechanicals. The seventh lock...that's out of my hands.	If out plan works...the FBI will get rid of it for us.
+Yo!	We may have some problems.  How is your schedule?
+Three down, four to go --	Then don't waste time talking to me.
+"You better heat up that miracle				* you were talking about.  We broke through on Number Six, and the Electromagentic came down like a sledgehammer..."	* Well have a look at what our friends outside are doing and I'll be right up.
+...the circuits that cannot be cut... are cut automatically in reponse to a terrorist incident...You ask for miracles, Theo...I give you the FBI...	When you're hot, you're hot.
+Encourage them to be bolder.	The only thing left for them is the City Grid...  ...They may not do it.
+I...have a request.	Oh?  What idiot put you in charge?
+Oh?  What idiot put you in charge?	You did.  You murdered by Boss.  Now...  They're looking to me.  Personally I'd pass on the jab.  I don't enjoy being this close to you.
+Go on.	We have a pregnant woman out there --  -- relax, she's not due for two weeks, but a marble floor isn't doing her back any good.  I'd like permission for her to more to one of the offices where there's a sofa.
+We have a pregnant woman out there --  -- relax, she's not due for two weeks, but a marble floor isn't doing her back any good.  I'd like permission for her to more to one of the offices where there's a sofa.	No.  But I'll have a sofa brought out to you.  Good enough?
+No.  But I'll have a sofa brought out to you.  Good enough?	Good enough.  And unless you like is messy, you'd better start taking us in groups to the bathroom.
+Good enough.  And unless you like is messy, you'd better start taking us in groups to the bathroom.	Yes, you're right.  It will be done.
+Mr. Takagi chose his people well, Mrs...?	Gennero.  Miss Gennero.
+After all your posturing, all your speeches...you're nothing but a common thief.	I'm an exceptional thief, Mrs. McClane. And now that I'm moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite.
+Nice, but one of us is three hours out of sync.  I think it's me.  Is there a place I can wash up?	Sure.  Follow me.
+What are you doing?	It's a long story.  You know, I think that Ellis has his eye on you.
+It's a long story.  You know, I think that Ellis has his eye on you.	That's okay...  ... I have an eye on his private bathroom.
+Well, Cappy Roberts retired out here a couple years ago.  He said I could bunk with him.	Oh...Where does he live?
+Oh...Where does he live?	Ramona...no, Pomona, that's it.
+Ramona...no, Pomona, that's it.	Pomona!  You'll be in the car the whole time...Look, let's make this easy.  I have a spare bedroom.  It's not huge, but the kids would love to have you at the house.
+They would, huh?	I would too. * They lock eyes for a moment, but it's an intense moment that says a lot about how they still feel about each other.
+"...I've missed you.						*"	Especially my name.  You must miss it every time you write a check.  When did you start calling yourself 'Ms. Gennero'?
+Especially my name.  You must miss it every time you write a check.  When did you start calling yourself 'Ms. Gennero'?	This is a Japanese company, you know? They figure a married woman, she's on the way out the door...
+This is a Japanese company, you know? They figure a married woman, she's on the way out the door...	Sure.  It's unnerving.  I remember this one particular married woman, she went out the door so fast there was practically a jetwash...I mean, talk about your wind chill factor...
+Sure.  It's unnerving.  I remember this one particular married woman, she went out the door so fast there was practically a jetwash...I mean, talk about your wind chill factor...	Didn't we have this same conversation in July?  Damn it, John, there was an opportunity out here -- I had to take it --
+Didn't we have this same conversation in July?  Damn it, John, there was an opportunity out here -- I had to take it --	No matter what it did to our marriage -- ?
+No matter what it did to our marriage -- ?	My job and my title and my salary did nothing to our marriage except change your idea of what it should be.
+My job and my title and my salary did nothing to our marriage except change your idea of what it should be.	Oh, here it comes.  One of those 'meaningful relationship conversations.' I never should've let you get those magazine subscriptions --
+Oh, here it comes.  One of those 'meaningful relationship conversations.' I never should've let you get those magazine subscriptions --	You want to know my idea of a marriage? It's a partnership where people help each other over the rough spots -- console each other when there's a down...and when there's an up, well, hell, a little Goddamn applause or an attaboy wouldn't be too bad.  I needed that, John.  I deserved that.
+I'll be a few minutes.  Wait here --	Don't I always?
+John!	Holly, we have to stop meeting like this.  So that's what it was.  A fucking robbery.  So why nuke the building, Hans?
+Excuse me, I'm looking for --	Holly Gennero?
+Holly Gennero?	Yeah.  How'd you know?
+Yeah.  How'd you know?	"I've spent half my life on airplanes,			* I can recognize someone who just got off one.  I'm Joe Takagi, Mr. McClane.  I have ...something to do with this company."
+"I've spent half my life on airplanes,			* I can recognize someone who just got off one.  I'm Joe Takagi, Mr. McClane.  I have ...something to do with this company."	So I've heard.
+Relax, Ellis.  I'm off duty.	Can I get you anything?  Food?  Cake? Watered down champagne punch?
+Can I get you anything?  Food?  Cake? Watered down champagne punch?	I'm fine.  You throw quite a party.  I didn't know they had Christmas in Japan.
+I'm fine.  You throw quite a party.  I didn't know they had Christmas in Japan.	Hey, we're flexible.  Pearl Harbor didn't work out, we got you with tape decks.
+You wife's made for this business. She know how to drive a hard bargain.	Yeah.  I remember our first date.
+How do you know?	I've seen enough phoney ID's in my time to recognize that the ones they've got cost a fortune.  Add all that up and I don't know what the fuck it means, but these are bad ass preps and they're here to stay.
+I hear you...  Partner.  And LA's finest are on it, so light 'em if you got 'em.	I'm ahead of you...partner.
+I'm ahead of you...partner.	Uh, what do I call you?
+'Roy'.	Got it...'Roy'.  Now listen.  If you think of anything else you think we need to know, don't be shy, okay? In the meantime I want you to find a safe place and hole-up and let us do our job.  Understand?
+Got it...'Roy'.  Now listen.  If you think of anything else you think we need to know, don't be shy, okay? In the meantime I want you to find a safe place and hole-up and let us do our job.  Understand?	They're all yours, Al.  Good luck.
+I'm here, Roy, but I'm, uh, kind of busy.  Let's talk later, okay?	Al, what's wrong?  Did something --  -- Oh, God.  You're coming in!  That's it, isn't it?  Christ, Powell, I told you what you're dealing with here --
+Al, what's wrong?  Did something --  -- Oh, God.  You're coming in!  That's it, isn't it?  Christ, Powell, I told you what you're dealing with here --	I said we'll talk later, Roy.  If you're what I think you are you should know when to listen, when to shut up... and when to pray.
+Safe and sound, thanks to you. What the fuck was that?	The plastique I found.  Is the building on fire?
+The plastique I found.  Is the building on fire?	No, but it's gonna need one hell of a paint job and a shitload of screen doors.  One spotters say you got two with that blast.
+No, but it's gonna need one hell of a paint job and a shitload of screen doors.  One spotters say you got two with that blast.	Two?  Are you sure?
+Hey, I love you.  So do a lot of the guys.  So hang in there, man.  Hang in there.	Thanks...partner.
+Yeah, just trying to handle some year old twinkies.  Yucck.  What do they put in these things?	'Sugar, enriched flour, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, polysorbate 60 and yellow dye #5.'
+'Sugar, enriched flour, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, polysorbate 60 and yellow dye #5.'	You sound like a man with a couple of kids.
+You sound like a man with a couple of kids.	Not yet, the wife in working on our first.  You got any kids back on the ranch?
+Two.  And I'd sure like to see them swinging on the jungle gym with Al junior.	It's a date.  You buy the ice cream.
+Al?  Al, you there?	I'm here, cowboy.
+I'm here, cowboy.	Speaking of cows, did you ever hear so much bullshit in your life? Two hours?  That doesn't even make any sense --
+Speaking of cows, did you ever hear so much bullshit in your life? Two hours?  That doesn't even make any sense --	Don't tell me, partner.  I'm just a desk jockey who was on the way home when you rang.
+Don't tell me, partner.  I'm just a desk jockey who was on the way home when you rang.	The way you drove that car, I figured you for the streets.
+The way you drove that car, I figured you for the streets.	In my youth, partner.  In my youth.
+Roy?  You still with us?	Yeah.  But all things being equal, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.  By the way, chalk up two more terrorists.
+Yeah.  But all things being equal, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.  By the way, chalk up two more terrorists.	They boys'll be glad.  We got a pool going on you.
+Yeah?  What's the odds?	You don't want to know.
+They way you drive, I can see why.	I...I shot a kid.
+Eleven years ago.  Oh, it was dark... he was big for his age...damn ray gun he had looked real enough...yeah, I had all the right excuses...but afterwards... I really couldn't draw my gun again.	I...I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to make a joke of it.
+I...I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to make a joke of it.	Hey, you couldn't know.
+Hey, you couldn't know.	I still feel like shit.
+I still feel like shit.	Then this won't matter.  LAPD's not calling the shots anymore.
+Powell?  What's going on?	Ask the FBI.  They've got the terrorist playbook and they're running it, step by step.
+Look...I'm getting a bad feeling up here...I'd like you to do something for me.  Look up my wife...don't ask how, you'll know by then...and tell her...tell her...I've been a jerk. When things panned out for her, I should've been behind her all the way ...We had something great going until I screwed it up...She was the best thing that ever happened to a bum like me.  She's heard me say I love you a thousand times, but she never got to hear this...honey...I'm sorry.  You get all that?	I got it.  But you can tell her yourself.  Just watch your ass and you'll make it.
+I got it.  But you can tell her yourself.  Just watch your ass and you'll make it.	I hope so.  But that's up to the guy upstairs.  Upstairs...  ...Hans, you bastard...what were you doing?
+I hope so.  But that's up to the guy upstairs.  Upstairs...  ...Hans, you bastard...what were you doing?	Roy?
+Roy?	Stand by, Powell.  I gotta check something out.
+Al.  Man, you were my rock.  I couldn't have made it without you.	Bullshit.
+Bullshit.	I'm serious.  Hey, this is my wife... Holly Gennero.
+I am, Sir...Sergeant Al Powell.	Dwayne Robinson.  Well, what have you learned?  What do they want?
+Dwayne Robinson.  Well, what have you learned?  What do they want?	The terrorists?  Don't know, Sir. We haven't heard a peep from them.
+The terrorists?  Don't know, Sir. We haven't heard a peep from them.	Then who the hell have you been talking too?
+Then who the hell have you been talking too?	We don't exactly know, Sir.  He won't give us him name.  He appears to be the man who called in the report...he's killed one of the terrorists for sure and claims he capped two others.
+We don't exactly know, Sir.  He won't give us him name.  He appears to be the man who called in the report...he's killed one of the terrorists for sure and claims he capped two others.	He claims?  Powell, has it occured to you he could be one of the terrorists, pulling your chain? Or some kind of nut case who --
+He claims?  Powell, has it occured to you he could be one of the terrorists, pulling your chain? Or some kind of nut case who --	I don't think so, Sir.  In fact... I think he's a cop.  Maybe not LAPD, but definitely a badge.
+I don't think so, Sir.  In fact... I think he's a cop.  Maybe not LAPD, but definitely a badge.	How do you know?
+How do you know?	A hunch.  Things he said.  Like, knowing how to recognize a phony ID --
+A hunch.  Things he said.  Like, knowing how to recognize a phony ID --	-- recognizing phony ID's?  Christ, Powell, he could be a fucking bartender for all we know!
+What's going on?	What's it look like?  We're going in.
+What's it look like?  We're going in.	Going in...are you out of your mind? There's 30 hostages in there -- for all we know --
+Going in...are you out of your mind? There's 30 hostages in there -- for all we know --	-- all we know?  We don't know shit, Powell.  If there's hostages why hasn't anyone asked for ransom?  If there's terrorists, where's their goddamn list of demands?  All we know is that someone shot up your car, and it could be the same flake you've been talking to on the radio!
+-- all we know?  We don't know shit, Powell.  If there's hostages why hasn't anyone asked for ransom?  If there's terrorists, where's their goddamn list of demands?  All we know is that someone shot up your car, and it could be the same flake you've been talking to on the radio!	What about the body that fell out of the window -- ?
+What about the body that fell out of the window -- ?	Who the hell knows?  Maybe he was a stockbroker who looked at the Dow Jones and opted for early retirement!
+Is that him?	Yessir.
+Yessir.	Give me that.  Now, listen to me, mister, I don't know what you think you're doing, but demolishing a building doesn't fall under the definition of 'help'! There's hundreds of people out here and you covered half of them in pieces of glass --
+Goddamn, didn't you hear him!  He practically pulled the Goddamned trigger himself -- he gave that man to them --	Christ, can't you read between the lines!  He did everything he could to save him...if he gave himself up they'd both be dead!
+Christ, can't you read between the lines!  He did everything he could to save him...if he gave himself up they'd both be dead!	Maybe.  And maybe they'd at least be talking to us!  Now tell your 'partner' to stay out of it, or so help me if he lives through this I'll put him behind bars myself!
+Maybe.  And maybe they'd at least be talking to us!  Now tell your 'partner' to stay out of it, or so help me if he lives through this I'll put him behind bars myself!	He's alone, tired, hunted, and hasn't seen diddly-squat from us and you think he gives a flying fuck about what you're going to do to him? Robinson, wake up and smell the shit you're shoveling!
+He's alone, tired, hunted, and hasn't seen diddly-squat from us and you think he gives a flying fuck about what you're going to do to him? Robinson, wake up and smell the shit you're shoveling!	Anytime you want to go home, Sergeant...consider yourself dismissed.
+This is --	This is Deputy Chief Robinson.  Who is this?
+Gene -- you smilin'?	No.  I never smile any more.
+No.  I never smile any more.	Whattaya think: we gonna kill any civilians tonight, Gene?
+Whattaya think: we gonna kill any civilians tonight, Gene?	I never make bets or guesses, that way I'm never wrong and I never have to pay out.
+I never make bets or guesses, that way I'm never wrong and I never have to pay out.	Gene, Jesus, what a bull he is!
+So whatsa deal?	They jet's comin' out.  But don't let 'em off the ground.
+They jet's comin' out.  But don't let 'em off the ground.	What if we gotta kill a whole lot of people?
+What if we gotta kill a whole lot of people?	Don't let 'em off the ground.
+Don't let 'em off the ground.	Listen.
+If you're right I'm gonna back you a hundred percent, you know that.	Fuck you, sir - if I'm right, I don't need you.  What I want is - if I make an honest mistake I want help.
+These seats come out?	Yeah.
+Jesus, you're the man!	Come on, what's under this?
+I was lookin' at it.  I saw you, man!  Jesus!  You oughta see yourself!  You wouldn't believe it.	Yes, I would.
+Yes, I would.	God damn it, Sheila isn't gonna believe it.  They just call in and say gas up a stretchout and get it down to  and I say, 'shit, another load of Elks for the massage parlors.'
+God damn it, Sheila isn't gonna believe it.  They just call in and say gas up a stretchout and get it down to  and I say, 'shit, another load of Elks for the massage parlors.'	Okay.
+Aw, hey...	Come on, nobody's gonna get hurt. If they were gonna shoot, they'd shoot now.
+You'll be okay.	You men shoot, aim for the white meat!
+Hey, Sonny!  I'm watchin' it on TV!	What about the kids?
+What about the kids?	They don't know, I sent them to the neighbors.  Sonny, Jesus, it's not like you.  I can't believe, because you never hurt anybody since the day I knew you.
+They don't know, I sent them to the neighbors.  Sonny, Jesus, it's not like you.  I can't believe, because you never hurt anybody since the day I knew you.	Heidi, I'm dying.
+Heidi, I'm dying.	I blame myself, Sonny.  I notice you been tense, like something is happening; the night before last you're yellin' at the kids like a madman, believe me.  And then you wanted me to go on this ride with the kids, this caterpillar about from here to there - fulla one- year-old kids.  It's ridiculous. I'm not about to go on this ride, so you yell right there, 'You pig, get on the fuckin' ride!' Well, everything fell outta - me - my heart, my liver fell to the floor - you name it!  Yellin' at me in front of all those people.  Because you never talked and I never been scared of you, never.  I think: he's gonna shoot me and dump my body in the river.
+I blame myself, Sonny.  I notice you been tense, like something is happening; the night before last you're yellin' at the kids like a madman, believe me.  And then you wanted me to go on this ride with the kids, this caterpillar about from here to there - fulla one- year-old kids.  It's ridiculous. I'm not about to go on this ride, so you yell right there, 'You pig, get on the fuckin' ride!' Well, everything fell outta - me - my heart, my liver fell to the floor - you name it!  Yellin' at me in front of all those people.  Because you never talked and I never been scared of you, never.  I think: he's gonna shoot me and dump my body in the river.	Heidi, for Christ sake, shut up! Will you shut your fucking mouth and listen?!
+Heidi, for Christ sake, shut up! Will you shut your fucking mouth and listen?!	See?  You're screaming with the language and all!  A person can't communicate with you.  You become a stranger in your own home...
+...because you hurt me, God how you hurt me.  Can you imagine, marrying another man?  Did I do something to make you do that?  Did I ever turn you down, or anything?  The only thing I couldn't do, you're gonna laugh, is go on top - I got this fear of high places!  And I let myself get fat.	Don't call yourself fat.
+Don't call yourself fat.	I know you can't stand me to say I'm fat.  Like I can't stand you being a bank robber.  I guess that's what love is -- huh, Sonny?
+I know you can't stand me to say I'm fat.  Like I can't stand you being a bank robber.  I guess that's what love is -- huh, Sonny?	Heidi - why didn't you come down here?
+Heidi - why didn't you come down here?	Jesus - what - I'm afraid - I'm gonna get shot or whatever.  You oughta see it on TV, the guns, the cops, they got cannon, machine guns, they're loaded with gear.
+Jesus - what - I'm afraid - I'm gonna get shot or whatever.  You oughta see it on TV, the guns, the cops, they got cannon, machine guns, they're loaded with gear.	They're not after you, they're after me.
+They're not after you, they're after me.	Listen, it's late already when I realize it's not just a couple of ordinary faggots, it's just you and Sal.  I couldn't get a baby sitter.
+Sonny, I'm gettin' real bad vibes.	Jackie - what are you talking about?
+Jackie - what are you talking about?	Maybe we can take something smaller... like a Spanish grocery.
+Maybe we can take something smaller... like a Spanish grocery.	It's too late - just get away from me - don't talk to me now - go over to your place...
+Hey, don't take the car!	Well, how'll I get home?
+Well, how'll I get home?	Take the subway.  We need the car.  Hey, gimme the keys - the keys!
+Sonny, there's somebody under that desk over there... I'm sorry...	It's okay... it's okay...
+Jenny?	He says he doesn't know.  Why don't you cook whatever's there?
+He says he doesn't know.  Why don't you cook whatever's there?	It looks like a whole roast.
+It looks like a whole roast.	Honey, send out for Kentucky fried chicken.  The baby, just open a bottle of prunes, and one of the beef.  The bottles are in the fridge.
+What guns?	The robbers in the bank.  They got guns?
+The robbers in the bank.  They got guns?	Yeah.  A lot of guns.
+Yeah.  A lot of guns.	Well, stay away from them.  Don't get close.
+Well, stay away from them.  Don't get close.	Oh, yeah, I will...
+I'll kiss the baby for you.	I love you.
+Jesus Christ is coming back and he's really pissed.	Yeah, well I don't blame him.
+Yeah, well I don't blame him.	You know, Sonny, I used to dope a lot, and I was into dipping?  And I did a couple bank jobs, and the Lord Jesus in his everlasting mercy saved me, you know how?
+No.  Look, we're kind of....	That's why I can talk to you, as an equal, Sonny.  You got to merge your whole soul with God.  And then you are Him and one with the Holy Ghost.
+That's why I can talk to you, as an equal, Sonny.  You got to merge your whole soul with God.  And then you are Him and one with the Holy Ghost.	Yeah, well...maybe you better talk to one of these others, okay?
+Yeah, well...maybe you better talk to one of these others, okay?	Sonny?  Don't send me away!  I can help you save your soul ...
+Hello.  Hello, Leon.	Hello, Sonny.
+Hello, Sonny.	How are you doing?
+How are you doing?	Well... I'm out of the hospital.
+Well... I'm out of the hospital.	Yeah.  You said... I thought you were never getting out?
+Yeah.  You said... I thought you were never getting out?	I never thought I'd get out this way.  I'll tell you.
+I never thought I'd get out this way.  I'll tell you.	Well.... huh ...
+Well.... huh ...	Ooohh....
+Ooohh....	Oh... huh ... how you feeling?
+Oh... huh ... how you feeling?	I'm really shakey.
+I'm really shakey.	Well, you know ... Moretti told me before that you were drugged up.
+Well, you know ... Moretti told me before that you were drugged up.	Yeah.  It was terrible.
+Yeah.  It was terrible.	That... huh... they just shoot you with drugs.
+That... huh... they just shoot you with drugs.	You come in and they say, right away, that you are crazy.  And they start putting things in your arm... you know.  How do they expect you to get uncrazy if you're asleep all the time?
+You come in and they say, right away, that you are crazy.  And they start putting things in your arm... you know.  How do they expect you to get uncrazy if you're asleep all the time?	Yeah...
+Yeah...	You can't talk or do anything.  You really feel... you know... I'm just sort of coming out of it now.
+You can't talk or do anything.  You really feel... you know... I'm just sort of coming out of it now.	So... that sure is something.
+So... that sure is something.	Yeah.  So how are you?
+Yeah.  So how are you?	Fine, thank you.  I'm in trouble. That is... now I am!
+Fine, thank you.  I'm in trouble. That is... now I am!	Yeah... I know.
+Yeah... I know.	I don't know what I'm gonna do... you know.  Boy... I'm dying.
+I don't know what I'm gonna do... you know.  Boy... I'm dying.	What?  What are you talking about? You are dying?  Did you ever listen to yourself when you say that?
+What?  What are you talking about? You are dying?  Did you ever listen to yourself when you say that?	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	What do you mean... what am I talking about?  Do you realize that you say that to me every day of your life?  I am dying.  Do you know... do you realize the death that you are spreading around to the people who are around you?
+What do you mean... what am I talking about?  Do you realize that you say that to me every day of your life?  I am dying.  Do you know... do you realize the death that you are spreading around to the people who are around you?	Now don't give me that deep shit now.  Don't start with that shit.
+Now don't give me that deep shit now.  Don't start with that shit.	No really... I don't think that you realize what it means.  The things that you do, Sonny.  You put a gun to somebody's head...
+No really... I don't think that you realize what it means.  The things that you do, Sonny.  You put a gun to somebody's head...	I don't know what I'm doing.
+I don't know what I'm doing.	Yeah... obviously you don't... when you put a gun to somebody's head... and you say go to sleep so that it won't hurt when I pull the trigger. Death?  Don't talk about death to me.  I have been living with death for the last six months.  Why do you think I'm in the hospital?  I take a handful of pills to get away from you.  And then here I am out of the hospital talking to you on the phone... again.  I have no friends left.  No job.  I can't live.  I have to live with people. This death business... I'm sorry!
+Yeah... obviously you don't... when you put a gun to somebody's head... and you say go to sleep so that it won't hurt when I pull the trigger. Death?  Don't talk about death to me.  I have been living with death for the last six months.  Why do you think I'm in the hospital?  I take a handful of pills to get away from you.  And then here I am out of the hospital talking to you on the phone... again.  I have no friends left.  No job.  I can't live.  I have to live with people. This death business... I'm sorry!	I'm not on the phone to talk to you about that.  Well, I don't know what to say, Leon.  When you gimme that... when you hit me with that shit.  I mean, what am I supposed to say?
+I'm not on the phone to talk to you about that.  Well, I don't know what to say, Leon.  When you gimme that... when you hit me with that shit.  I mean, what am I supposed to say?	I'm sorry...
+I'm sorry...	I told you.  That I got a lot of pressures.  You said to me that you needed money, and I knew that you needed money!  I saw you there lying in the hospital like that... and I said... shit, man, I got to get this guy some money.
+I told you.  That I got a lot of pressures.  You said to me that you needed money, and I knew that you needed money!  I saw you there lying in the hospital like that... and I said... shit, man, I got to get this guy some money.	But I didn't ask you to go rob a bank.
+But I didn't ask you to go rob a bank.	All right.  I know you didn't ask me.  You didn't ask me but I did it.
+All right.  I know you didn't ask me.  You didn't ask me but I did it.	Well...
+Well...	I did it on my own.  I did this all on my own.  I ain't laying it on anybody.  Nothing on anybody.  I'll tell you something, though, it's about time that I squared away my accounts... you know.  I am squaring away my accounts with life.  Maye this whole thing is gonna end, somehow.  Maybe it'll just end! Maybe I'll just close my eyes and the whole fucken thing will be over. That would be all right too!  I said... I thought I would square it away with you... you know?  That I would get you down here and that I would say so long to you... or, if you wanted... you know, to take a trip...
+I did it on my own.  I did this all on my own.  I ain't laying it on anybody.  Nothing on anybody.  I'll tell you something, though, it's about time that I squared away my accounts... you know.  I am squaring away my accounts with life.  Maye this whole thing is gonna end, somehow.  Maybe it'll just end! Maybe I'll just close my eyes and the whole fucken thing will be over. That would be all right too!  I said... I thought I would square it away with you... you know?  That I would get you down here and that I would say so long to you... or, if you wanted... you know, to take a trip...	What trip?
+What trip?	I'm getting out of here, man.  I'm not going to stay here and I'm not giving up.  I mean, huh, they're going to kill me, anyway.  So fuck it!  But, if I can get out of this... I am going to get out. And, how I'm going to do it is to get a jet out of here and I'm flying the fuck out... That's all, Leon.  If you want to come with me, then you're entitled... you can come.  You're free to do what you want.
+I'm getting out of here, man.  I'm not going to stay here and I'm not giving up.  I mean, huh, they're going to kill me, anyway.  So fuck it!  But, if I can get out of this... I am going to get out. And, how I'm going to do it is to get a jet out of here and I'm flying the fuck out... That's all, Leon.  If you want to come with me, then you're entitled... you can come.  You're free to do what you want.	I'm free to do what I want?  And you think I would want to go with you some place on a plane?  Where? Where ya going?
+I'm free to do what I want?  And you think I would want to go with you some place on a plane?  Where? Where ya going?	I gotta jet coming here and we're gonna try to get the fuck outta this thing.  And we're gonna go, man!
+I gotta jet coming here and we're gonna try to get the fuck outta this thing.  And we're gonna go, man!	You're crazy.
+You're crazy.	That's it.
+That's it.	You're really crazy.
+You're really crazy.	I know!
+I know!	Where you gonna go?
+Where you gonna go?	Who the fuck knows?  I think we're gonna go ... we worked it out to Algeria.  So, I don't know.  So I'll go to Algeria.
+Who the fuck knows?  I think we're gonna go ... we worked it out to Algeria.  So, I don't know.  So I'll go to Algeria.	Why you going to Algeria?
+Why you going to Algeria?	Huh ... I don't know.  They got Howard Johnson's there.  I don't know why the fuck I'm going there for.
+Huh ... I don't know.  They got Howard Johnson's there.  I don't know why the fuck I'm going there for.	Howard Johnson's... you're warped. You know that?  You're really warped!
+Howard Johnson's... you're warped. You know that?  You're really warped!	I know that.  I'm warped... I'm warped!
+I know that.  I'm warped... I'm warped!	God, Algeria!  Do you know there's a bunch of... they walk around there... God!  People walk around with masks and things on their heads.  They're a bunch of crazy people there.
+God, Algeria!  Do you know there's a bunch of... they walk around there... God!  People walk around with masks and things on their heads.  They're a bunch of crazy people there.	What am I supposed to do?
+What am I supposed to do?	I don't know... you could have picked a better place.
+I don't know... you could have picked a better place.	Denmark?  Sweden?
+Denmark?  Sweden?	I like that... yeah!
+I like that... yeah!	Sal wanted to go to Wyoming.  I told him it wasn't a country.  We gotta get outta the country!  To hell with a guy who doesn't know where Wyoming is.  Okay.  Can you imagine what kind of a shape I'm in?
+So!  Sal is with you?	Sal?  Yeah... Sal is with me.
+Sal?  Yeah... Sal is with me.	Oh... wow!  Sonny, you're really into one mess now.
+Oh... wow!  Sonny, you're really into one mess now.	I know I am.  I know!
+I know I am.  I know!	Sal... Sal... Naturale, oh boy!
+Sal... Sal... Naturale, oh boy!	He ain't going out.  And if I go out he's just gonna kill the people. There's a lot of lives that I'm responsible for... that's all.  So, I can't do anything.  I got myself into this mess and I'll get myself out of it... the best way I know how!  One of the ways is not giving up.  I'm telling ya!
+He ain't going out.  And if I go out he's just gonna kill the people. There's a lot of lives that I'm responsible for... that's all.  So, I can't do anything.  I got myself into this mess and I'll get myself out of it... the best way I know how!  One of the ways is not giving up.  I'm telling ya!	Would you do something for me? Please?
+Would you do something for me? Please?	What?
+What?	These guys that got me down here, you know, huh... they think that I'm part of this whole thing.  They think I'm part of the plot to rob the bank!
+These guys that got me down here, you know, huh... they think that I'm part of this whole thing.  They think I'm part of the plot to rob the bank!	How did they think that?  What are they... crazy?  What do you mean. That's bullshit, Leon.  They're giving you a fucken story.
+How did they think that?  What are they... crazy?  What do you mean. That's bullshit, Leon.  They're giving you a fucken story.	Well... they told me that I was an accomplice...
+Well... they told me that I was an accomplice...	Oh... they're fucken crazy.  That's a snow job.  Don't listen to that shit!
+Oh... they're fucken crazy.  That's a snow job.  Don't listen to that shit!	I gotta listen to it if they think...
+I gotta listen to it if they think...	Shit...
+Shit...	I can't survive in prison, Sonny...
+I can't survive in prison, Sonny...	All right.  Then what do you want me to say?
+All right.  Then what do you want me to say?	Sonny, would you please just tell them... please...
+Sonny, would you please just tell them... please...	Where are they now?  Just tell me... are they on the phone now?
+Where are they now?  Just tell me... are they on the phone now?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	That's great.  Just terrific.  You talk to me with them on the phone, right?  That is really smart.  And, you don't tell me?
+That's great.  Just terrific.  You talk to me with them on the phone, right?  That is really smart.  And, you don't tell me?	I don't have a choice.
+I don't have a choice.	You don't have a choice?
+You don't have a choice?	No!  They're standing all around me. Seven thousand fucken cops... all around me.
+No!  They're standing all around me. Seven thousand fucken cops... all around me.	Look... who's on the phone?
+Look... who's on the phone?	Look... don't throw that on me.
+Look... don't throw that on me.	Who's on the phone, now?  What do you mean... throw it on you?  You knew it, right?
+Who's on the phone, now?  What do you mean... throw it on you?  You knew it, right?	Yeah... I knew it.  But, what choice do I have?  I'm in the hospital; they drag me out of the hospital... bring me down here...
+Yeah... I knew it.  But, what choice do I have?  I'm in the hospital; they drag me out of the hospital... bring me down here...	All right, enough!  Who the fuck is on the phone... anyway?  Is that you Moretti?  You on the phone?  Will somebody talk to me?
+All right, enough!  Who the fuck is on the phone... anyway?  Is that you Moretti?  You on the phone?  Will somebody talk to me?	They won't talk to you.
+They won't talk to you.	Are they on the phone still?
+Are they on the phone still?	Yeah... yeah!
+Yeah... yeah!	All right!  He didn't do it.  All right?  Now... would you get the fuck off the phone?  I'll bet that really changed them, huh?  Anyway, Leon... did I do it for you?
+All right!  He didn't do it.  All right?  Now... would you get the fuck off the phone?  I'll bet that really changed them, huh?  Anyway, Leon... did I do it for you?	Yeah... huh, thank you.  I'm going to go back, Sonny, to the hospital. They're really nice people.  They're really trying to help me.
+Yeah... huh, thank you.  I'm going to go back, Sonny, to the hospital. They're really nice people.  They're really trying to help me.	That's good then.  You've found something.
+That's good then.  You've found something.	Well... I don't know if I have or not.
+Well... I don't know if I have or not.	Do you still want the operation?
+Do you still want the operation?	Yeah... yeah.
+Yeah... yeah.	Well, then...
+Well, then...	It's my only chance!
+It's my only chance!	I don't know what to say to ya!  I guess I just wanted to say I'll see ya... or whatever.
+I don't know what to say to ya!  I guess I just wanted to say I'll see ya... or whatever.	Thank you much... and huh, bon voyage.
+Thank you much... and huh, bon voyage.	Right.  See you sometime.
+Right.  See you sometime.	Yeah... see ya in my dreams, huh?
+Yeah... see ya in my dreams, huh?	Yeah... I'll write a song.  Ha, ha. I don't know.  Life is funny!
+Yeah... I'll write a song.  Ha, ha. I don't know.  Life is funny!	You said a mouthful... sweetheart!
+Leon?  Whatsa matter?  They give you a shot down the hospital or what?	Oh, God, they shot me with like unreal!
+Oh, God, they shot me with like unreal!	Well, you got to get hold of yourself.  You got to talk to him, tell him to give himself up.
+Well, you got to get hold of yourself.  You got to talk to him, tell him to give himself up.	Oh no!
+Oh no!	He's got eight people in there with him.  He's got this kid with him ... they're gonna shoot the people.
+He's got eight people in there with him.  He's got this kid with him ... they're gonna shoot the people.	I can't help it.  I can't stop him from anything.
+I can't help it.  I can't stop him from anything.	If he won't listen to you, who will he listen to?
+If he won't listen to you, who will he listen to?	He won't listen to anybody.  He's been very crazy all summer.  Since June he's been trying to kill me.
+He won't listen to anybody.  He's been very crazy all summer.  Since June he's been trying to kill me.	You try calling the police?
+You try calling the police?	What good is that?  They couldn't stop him.  And it'd just make him mad.  They don't know him.
+What good is that?  They couldn't stop him.  And it'd just make him mad.  They don't know him.	Somebody's got to stop him, Leon.
+Somebody's got to stop him, Leon.	He was under great strain: you don't understand, he's a very mixed up person.
+He was under great strain: you don't understand, he's a very mixed up person.	He's makin' threats in there.
+He's makin' threats in there.	He's scared.  It's crazy.  I never met anyone like him.  His wife, he's a wonderful father to his children.  His mother - you should see her - his mother and father together are like a bad car wreck - he lets it all slide off his back, he sees them, he pays their rent. Unbelievable.  I wanted to get married ... He didn't really want it ... he's married already!  But he did it.  I don't know why.  I thought it would help me, but it didn't.  I was just as confused and unhappy was before; I did terrible things.
+He's scared.  It's crazy.  I never met anyone like him.  His wife, he's a wonderful father to his children.  His mother - you should see her - his mother and father together are like a bad car wreck - he lets it all slide off his back, he sees them, he pays their rent. Unbelievable.  I wanted to get married ... He didn't really want it ... he's married already!  But he did it.  I don't know why.  I thought it would help me, but it didn't.  I was just as confused and unhappy was before; I did terrible things.	What kind of things, Leon?
+What kind of things, Leon?	Ten days I spent in Atlantic City - Sonny was frantic - he knew I was drinking; he didn't know where I was ... who I was with.  I couldn't explain why I did the things I did. So I went to this psychiatrist who explained to me I was a woman in a man's body.  So Sonny right away wanted to get me money for a sex change operation: but where was he to get that?  2500 dollars!  My God, he's in hock up to his ears already.
+Ten days I spent in Atlantic City - Sonny was frantic - he knew I was drinking; he didn't know where I was ... who I was with.  I couldn't explain why I did the things I did. So I went to this psychiatrist who explained to me I was a woman in a man's body.  So Sonny right away wanted to get me money for a sex change operation: but where was he to get that?  2500 dollars!  My God, he's in hock up to his ears already.	He needed money?  For the operation for you?
+He needed money?  For the operation for you?	It made him crazy - so much demand, he'd fly into this rages.  And I got more depressed than ever; I saw I'd never get the operation.  So I tried to take my life - I swallowed about a half pound of pills ... blues, reds, yellows, downers, uppers, screamers ... you name it. But I just threw them up and wound up in the hospital.  Sonny comes there and looks at me and just says: 'Wow!'  So when I hear he's in the bank, I almost go crazy because I know he's doin' it for me.
+It made him crazy - so much demand, he'd fly into this rages.  And I got more depressed than ever; I saw I'd never get the operation.  So I tried to take my life - I swallowed about a half pound of pills ... blues, reds, yellows, downers, uppers, screamers ... you name it. But I just threw them up and wound up in the hospital.  Sonny comes there and looks at me and just says: 'Wow!'  So when I hear he's in the bank, I almost go crazy because I know he's doin' it for me.	Well, don't you figure you owe to him to get him out of there?
+Well, don't you figure you owe to him to get him out of there?	I can't talk to him.
+I can't talk to him.	You're in it up to your ass, Leon. You're an accessory.  You talk him out of there and they might be a little more understanding of your case.
+You're in it up to your ass, Leon. You're an accessory.  You talk him out of there and they might be a little more understanding of your case.	I'm afraid.
+I'm afraid.	How is he gonna hurt you on the telephone?
+How is he gonna hurt you on the telephone?	I don't know what to say to him.  I can't.
+I don't know what to say to him.  I can't.	You think it over, Leon.
+Yeah.	What are you doin' in there?
+What are you doin' in there?	Who's this?
+Who's this?	This is Detective Sergeant Moretti, asshole, we got you completely by the balls.  You don't believe me, I'm lookin' you right in the eye. Right now, I can see you...
+What a fuckin' comedy!  WNEW plays all the hits.	Listen, first off, is anybody hurt in there?
+Listen, first off, is anybody hurt in there?	... But you keep away from the bank or we start throwing bodies out the front door one at a time... You got it?  Okay?
+Okay, you're in there and we're out here.  What do we do now?	I told you -- keep away.  I don't know what we do now.
+I told you -- keep away.  I don't know what we do now.	Awright, but I wanna talk to you. First off, we wanna know if the people in the bank are okay.
+Awright, but I wanna talk to you. First off, we wanna know if the people in the bank are okay.	They're okay.
+They're okay.	You alone, or you got confederates?
+You alone, or you got confederates?	I'm not alone.
+I'm not alone.	How many you got in there?
+How many you got in there?	I got Sal.
+I got Sal.	Sal?  What's that for?  Salvatore?
+Sal?  What's that for?  Salvatore?	Sal.  He's the killer.  We're Vietnam veterans so killing don't mean anything to us, you understand?
+Right -- got ya.  Okay, so there's you -- what's your name?	What do you want to know that for?
+What do you want to know that for?	Give me a name, any name, just so I got somethin' to call you.
+Give me a name, any name, just so I got somethin' to call you.	Call me Sonny-boy.
+Call me Sonny-boy.	Sonny-boy, one word?
+Sonny-boy, one word?	One word.  You won't find it in the phone book.
+One word.  You won't find it in the phone book.	Listen, Sonny ... can I call you Sonny for short?
+Listen, Sonny ... can I call you Sonny for short?	Call me whatever you want.
+Call me whatever you want.	Okay, Sonny, I want to see if the people in the bank are okay, then what I want to do is work out a way to get them out of there.  I want to come over there, without a gun ... and you can frisk me.  So you can see you can trust me.  So we can talk and find a way outta this mess.
+Okay, Sonny, I want to see if the people in the bank are okay, then what I want to do is work out a way to get them out of there.  I want to come over there, without a gun ... and you can frisk me.  So you can see you can trust me.  So we can talk and find a way outta this mess.	I frisk you?
+I frisk you?	You frisk me.
+You frisk me.	Right -- I'm with you, buddy.
+Right -- I'm with you, buddy.	I'd like just some sign I can trust you too, Sonny.  I don't want to trust my body out where you could just shoot me.  Some sight ... right?
+I'd like just some sign I can trust you too, Sonny.  I don't want to trust my body out where you could just shoot me.  Some sight ... right?	Sure ... like ... I'm not gonna shoot you.
+Sure ... like ... I'm not gonna shoot you.	How about letting the people out of the bank.  Why put them in this position?
+How about letting the people out of the bank.  Why put them in this position?	They're what's keeping me alive. You think you're dealing with an idiot?  Talk to me then.
+They're what's keeping me alive. You think you're dealing with an idiot?  Talk to me then.	Okay, give us the women.
+Okay, give us the women.	Oh, no ... Women is all we got.
+Oh, no ... Women is all we got.	You're all one way!  I'm bein' reasonable with you; give me somethin' ... Give me one of them, anyway ... Just one ...
+You're all one way!  I'm bein' reasonable with you; give me somethin' ... Give me one of them, anyway ... Just one ...	So -- you want me to send one out there ... Okay.  I'll see what I can do.
+You got these cops outta here. They're comin' in too close.	Come on.  I want you to see something.
+Come on.  I want you to see something.	You want me to give up, huh?  Look, Sal's in back with the girls. Anything happens to me - one move - and Sal gives it to them.  Boom boom.  How do I know you won't jump me?
+You want me to give up, huh?  Look, Sal's in back with the girls. Anything happens to me - one move - and Sal gives it to them.  Boom boom.  How do I know you won't jump me?	I don't forget about Sal and the boom boom room.  I want you to see this.
+Let Sal come out, take a look. What hope you got?  Quit while you're ahead.  All you got is attempted robbery.	... armed robbery ...
+... armed robbery ...	Well, armed, then.  Nobody's been hurt.  Release the hostages, nobody is gonna worry over kidnapping charges, the worst you're gonna get is five years -- you can be out in a year.
+What?	When I'm bein' fucked, I like to be kissed a lot.  Who the fuck are you tryin' to con me into some deal?  You're a city cop, where's the FBI?  This is a federal offense, I got kidnapping, armed robbery, they're gonna bury me!  You know it, you can't talk for them, you're some flunky pig tryin' to bullshit me.  Now God damn it, get somebody in charge here to talk to me!
+When I'm bein' fucked, I like to be kissed a lot.  Who the fuck are you tryin' to con me into some deal?  You're a city cop, where's the FBI?  This is a federal offense, I got kidnapping, armed robbery, they're gonna bury me!  You know it, you can't talk for them, you're some flunky pig tryin' to bullshit me.  Now God damn it, get somebody in charge here to talk to me!	Calm down, you're not ...
+Calm down, you're not ...	Calm down... look at this, look at him...!
+He wanted to kill me!	It's okay, you got a lot of protection.
+I want a helicopter to get outa here!  And a jet to take us to...  ... wherever we want to go.  Outa the country, so no little jets.  A big one with a bar and a piano lounge.	I don't know, Sonny.  I don't know if the helicopters can land in here. I'll have to check it out.  I got superiors, unnerstan?  They don't always see eye to eye with me. I'll do what I can.
+Sonny, be reasonable!	I want to see my wife.  I want you to bring her down here.
+I want to see my wife.  I want you to bring her down here.	Okay, what do you give me?
+Okay, what do you give me?	What do you want?
+What do you want?	The girl hostages.
+The girl hostages.	Nothin' doin'.  I give you one hostage when you bring my wife, and one for the helicopter, one for the jet, and the rest can come home on the jet.
+Nothin' doin'.  I give you one hostage when you bring my wife, and one for the helicopter, one for the jet, and the rest can come home on the jet.	I'll see what they'll do.
+What the hell you doin' back there?	Sonny, come on out!
+What the fuck do you want?	They were ...
+They were ...	You tryin' to fuck me?
+You tryin' to fuck me?	No, I'm not tryin' to fuck you.
+No, I'm not tryin' to fuck you.	So, what were they doin'?  You're tellin' me you had nothin' to do with that back there?
+So, what were they doin'?  You're tellin' me you had nothin' to do with that back there?	I swear to God I had nothing to do with it ...
+I swear to God I had nothing to do with it ...	Bullshit ... I don't walk to talk to you ...
+Bullshit ... I don't walk to talk to you ...	Wait a minute ... everything you asked for is on the way ...
+Wait a minute ... everything you asked for is on the way ...	Yeah ...
+Yeah ...	Is on its way ... The helicopter can't land but we got a bus ... the jet's on its way to Kennedy ... we got a bus coming here ...
+Is on its way ... The helicopter can't land but we got a bus ... the jet's on its way to Kennedy ... we got a bus coming here ...	You're full of shit ...
+You're full of shit ...	Sonny, your wife's on the way ... We reached her ... your wife's on the way ... everything you asked for, you got.
+Sonny, your wife's on the way ... We reached her ... your wife's on the way ... everything you asked for, you got.	Well, what were you doin' back there?
+Well, what were you doin' back there?	It can't happen again ... I'll do everything I can to stop anything I can ...
+It can't happen again ... I'll do everything I can to stop anything I can ...	You know, you're telling me that a helicopter can't land here ...
+You know, you're telling me that a helicopter can't land here ...	Can't land ... you'd kill people ...
+Can't land ... you'd kill people ...	Don't fuck with me ...
+Don't fuck with me ...	I'm not ... I'm not ... you're gettin' a bus ... you're gettin' a bus ... the jet's comin' into Kennedy ... and your wife's on the way ... what else do you need? What else can I get you?  Listen, I don't know how you can do better ... see that man over there ... the FBI guy ...
+I'm not ... I'm not ... you're gettin' a bus ... you're gettin' a bus ... the jet's comin' into Kennedy ... and your wife's on the way ... what else do you need? What else can I get you?  Listen, I don't know how you can do better ... see that man over there ... the FBI guy ...	Just one more explosion like that and you're gonna see a dead body ...
+Just one more explosion like that and you're gonna see a dead body ...	There won't be ... there won't be ... What else do you need?  How else can we help you?
+There won't be ... there won't be ... What else do you need?  How else can we help you?	All right ... I got some hungry people in there ... I want to get some pizza ... some stuff like that ...
+All right ... I got some hungry people in there ... I want to get some pizza ... some stuff like that ...	What else?
+What else?	Cokes, seven-ups ...  also some aspirin ...
+Cokes, seven-ups ...  also some aspirin ...	Aspirins ... okay you got it.  Charlie!  Six pizzas!
+Aspirins ... okay you got it.  Charlie!  Six pizzas!	Okay ...
+Yeah?	We're bringing in your wife...
+Is he all right?  Is he all right?	He's all doped up.
+He's all doped up.	I want to talk to him.
+I want to talk to him.	He's groggy, Sonny.  Let me get him on his feet and he'll call you back.
+Here comes the FBI.  You men lookin' for protection?  We got all the police right here.	Why didn't you just wait and try to take 'em out there in the street?
+We're all set at Kennedy.	What makes you think you'll be able to control it?
+What makes you think you'll be able to control it?	He's totally unstable.  He'll make a mistake.
+He's totally unstable.  He'll make a mistake.	He hasn't so far.  I'm the one who can make a mistake.  That's what scares the shit out of me.
+He hasn't so far.  I'm the one who can make a mistake.  That's what scares the shit out of me.	Eugene, at 3:07, this became Federal.  Why don't I take it over now?
+Okay, okay... we know it's a stickup!	If he moves - blow his guts out... Cover him!
+Hey... let him out!	Do what the gentleman says, Howard.
+Okay, is the vault open?	I can take care of that.
+I must of been outta my mind.	Well, you get your mind right.  I'm a Catholic and I don't wanna hurt nobody, but goddamn it, don't you play no games with me.  Unnastand?!?
+What's the matter with you?	Come on, lemme load you up...
+This is it?  What am I gonna do with this?  Holy shit!	It's all we got.
+It's all we got.	Okay, don't worry about it.  Stick it in the bag...
+Hey, you, manager... Don't get any ideas, fucker... See that man there? I bark and he bites!	Believe me, I'm on your side.
+Believe me, I'm on your side.	My side, shit!
+Hello... I'm sorry I can't talk to you right now... I suggest you call during banking hours tomorrow. What is your name?	Gimme the traveler's checks and the register.
+Howard, give him the keys...	Gimme the keys to get outta here!
+The gun's right on your back...	Give me the keys...
+For God's sake, will you please go now?  We gave you every nickel we got.	You're goin' outside with me.  If there's no cops around, we just split.  Otherwise, you go with us.
+Hello, Mulvaney here...	Sal, get 'em in the vault.
+I swear to God... on my salary, I'm not gonna be any hero...	I took too long.
+Where's the back door?	It's locked on the inside.  It's through that passageway and to the right.
+Now, you -- what's your name?	Mulvaney...
+Mulvaney...	You and me are checking the other ways in and out.
+Let's go to the back door.  How'd that guy get to be a guard?	Well, they go to guard school.
+Well, they go to guard school.	To what ... learn how to shoot? They don't get a gun.
+To what ... learn how to shoot? They don't get a gun.	They make $105 a week to start. They fold the flag, check the place out in the morning.  I don't know what they learn, Sonny.
+You got kids?	I got two kids ... and I'd like to see them again.
+I got two kids ... and I'd like to see them again.	Ah, I know!  You're being very cooperative.  I got no complaint against you whatever; you got bank insurance?
+Don't ask me questions.  I got connections.  You find out who I am, you're cold meat.	I don't care who you are ...  I just want to get you outta here, safe, right?
+I don't care who you are ...  I just want to get you outta here, safe, right?	What if I take you with me?
+What if I take you with me?	If you take anybody, please take me.
+If you take anybody, please take me.	They'll shoot you; the fucking cops'll shoot you ... they don't give a damn.  In spite of that bank insurance.  You see what they did in Attica, they shot everybody, the hostages, prisoners, cops, guards, forty-two people they killed, the innocent with the guilty.
+You're just a nice guy, Mr. Mulvaney. Only don't fuck around with me, you know what I mean?	I don't fool around with you.
+What?	The TV ... they want to talk to you ...
+Why the hell did he do that?  What the hell did I do?	I guess he didn't appreciate your use of language.  They don't speak that way on television.  It's a rule.  Do you realize you've cut off a valuable source of communication?
+You see what we're dealing with? They want me to kill all of you!	What now, Sonny?
+What now, Sonny?	Wait a minute ... I've been looking at this all wrong ... Let's look at it the other way ...
+Where's the air conditioning?	I don't know, Sonny ... on the roof somewhere I guess.
+Do you think we can turn it on?	I don't know.
+Are we going to get the ball rolling?	What are you talking about?  What do you think I'm doin'?  I'm gettin' the ball rollin'.  I'm keeping these people happy ... I'm keeping you happy ... I gotta keep the cops cooled out ... I gotta do everything ... I gotta pay for the pizza ... I'm workin' on it, do you know what I mean?  I'm workin' on it ... Jesus Christ!  I gotta do it all ... I got all the ideas ... you want me to give you the gun?  You want to take it over?
+I'm okay ... I'm okay ...	You know more than the Doctor? You're not okay, look at you.  Come on ...  ... let's get him out ...
+You know more than the Doctor? You're not okay, look at you.  Come on ...  ... let's get him out ...	I'm not going.  I'm okay.
+Hey!  I'm tryin' to help you.	I stay here.  Damn it.  I just needed the insulin.  I'm used to it. Go on.  Go on.
+I stay here.  Damn it.  I just needed the insulin.  I'm used to it. Go on.  Go on.	You tell me.  Is he endangering his health, because if you tell me he is, I'll get him out.
+You tell me.  Is he endangering his health, because if you tell me he is, I'll get him out.	I'll be God damned if you will.
+I'll be God damned if you will.	Oh, Jesus!  You want to be a martyr or a hero or what?
+I'll never see them again, Mister Mulvaney.	They look like good kids.
+They look like good kids.	They're like any others but they're special to me.  You got kids?  You told me; you got two.
+They're like any others but they're special to me.  You got kids?  You told me; you got two.	Special to me, too.
+Special to me, too.	You like me?
+You like me?	Sure - we like you.
+Sure - we like you.	No you don't.
+No you don't.	You seem like a likable enough guy. It's hard to judge.
+You know, I don't know him very well - but he's not gay ... and he's not going back to prison ... One time when he was in prison, they gang-banged him; 13 years old and eight guys gave it to him ... So Sal isn't goin' back to prison, no way.	I'm sorry.
+I'm sorry.	You know ... I like you people ... I really do.
+You know ... I like you people ... I really do.	We like you, too.
+We like you, too.	You know - I had a job once.  I used to work in a bank.  I had been training ... I used to have a boss ... Mr. Don Frio ... he wore a toupee ... I wonder if you'd hire me if I came in here and asked you for a job ...
+You know - I had a job once.  I used to work in a bank.  I had been training ... I used to have a boss ... Mr. Don Frio ... he wore a toupee ... I wonder if you'd hire me if I came in here and asked you for a job ...	Would I hire you?
+Would I hire you?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Why not?
+Why not?	I don't think so.
+Mister Mulvaney?	Yeah?
+Yeah?	Are you a lawyer?
+Are you a lawyer?	No.  I had some legal training, but...
+No.  I had some legal training, but...	I want to dictate my will.  I need a notary?
+You got Bank Americard?	What now, Sonny?
+What now, Sonny?	Listen, I owe a couple hundred dollars!  I don't wanta leave owing anybody anything!  A clean slate, a new leaf...
+What is it, Sam?	Everything's all right?  You okay?
+Everything's all right?  You okay?	Yeah, just a cigarette got in a wastebasket.
+You all right?	Little smoke: like a Polish four- alarm fire, is all.
+Little smoke: like a Polish four- alarm fire, is all.	Yeah.  Well, you're okay?
+Yeah.  Well, you're okay?	Yeah, thanks for keeping an eye out.
+Yeah, thanks for keeping an eye out.	Okay.
+Thanks again, Sam.	I'm glad it's okay.
+I'm glad it's okay.	It's okay. [Regards to the family, Sam.]
+It's up to you ladies.	Howard!
+Hey, girls -- I was on television...	What about Howard?
+I didn't eat any pizza.	I told you, he's got diabetes.
+I wish somebody would tell me I'm gonna live long enough for it to be a habit.  My parent, she'll be okay. My husband, he'll be okay.  I even know who the bum is gonna marry. Terrific.  She'll take good care of him.	Girls, I wanta apologize.  For my language back there.
+Ah, Sonny!  Good luck, you know?	You were terrific, too!
+You were terrific, too!	Hey.  It's raining.
+How did you know your son was involved?	It was on the TV.
+It was on the TV.	When was the last time you saw Sal?
+When was the last time you saw Sal?	Oh, a long time.  Because I kept asking my husband where the heck could Junior be?  He wasn't around here.  I thought maybe he was in prison or some place.
+Oh, a long time.  Because I kept asking my husband where the heck could Junior be?  He wasn't around here.  I thought maybe he was in prison or some place.	Did you know he was a homosexual?
+Did you know he was a homosexual?	No, not until after they killed him.
+No, not until after they killed him.	Did you always call him Junior.
+Did you always call him Junior.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Do you remember anything else about Sal?
+Do you remember anything else about Sal?	No, that's all.
+You don't smoke ... why do you want to start now.	Because I'm scared, that's why. You never smoked?
+Because I'm scared, that's why. You never smoked?	I used to, but I stopped.
+I used to, but I stopped.	You stopped?  Why?
+You stopped?  Why?	Because I don't want cancer.
+Because I don't want cancer.	You don't want cancer?  You're about to get your head blown off, you're worried about cancer.  Gimme the cigarette.
+No!  I'm not kidding.  Don't you understand?  You're pure!	Pure?
+Pure?	You shouldn't start now.
+You shouldn't start now.	For God's sake!  As soon as I'm outta this bank robbery, I'm gonna stop ... okay?
+For God's sake!  As soon as I'm outta this bank robbery, I'm gonna stop ... okay?	Go ahead.  Do what you want to do. I hate to see you break a perfect record.  You oughta take care of your body.
+Go ahead.  Do what you want to do. I hate to see you break a perfect record.  You oughta take care of your body.	My body?  What for?
+My body?  What for?	Your body is the temple of the Lord.
+Your body is the temple of the Lord.	You're serious!
+You're serious!	You're really pure, you know?  You got a perfect record.  You never used that stuff to ruin your body, why start now?
+You're really pure, you know?  You got a perfect record.  You never used that stuff to ruin your body, why start now?	You know, you remind me of my 19- year-old brother - only he's got his hair down to his knees - he looks like something that eats berries and roots out of the ground. God forbid I should say something to him like, 'Listen, if you ever smoke marijuana, just remember that it's illegal' and he storms outta the house.  You rob a bank, but you keep your body pure, is that it?
+You know, you remind me of my 19- year-old brother - only he's got his hair down to his knees - he looks like something that eats berries and roots out of the ground. God forbid I should say something to him like, 'Listen, if you ever smoke marijuana, just remember that it's illegal' and he storms outta the house.  You rob a bank, but you keep your body pure, is that it?	You gonna smoke the cigarette?
+You gonna smoke the cigarette?	Yes...
+Hey, for christ's sake... now... fuckin' asshole...  He can't make it.	Fuck him - let him out!
+Ah, Jesus...	Let's go, Sonny.
+Let's go, Sonny.	What are you crying for?  Jesus Christ.  It's not your fault there's no money...
+He's gone?	Yeah - it's all right... let's go.
+Where's the money?	Get 'em in the vault!
+Goddamn women...	Ah shit.  Okay... go ahead.  Anybody else have to go?
+It's the cops.  Shit!	How'd that happen?
+You mean that?	What?
+What?	... The bodies out the door.
+... The bodies out the door.	I want him to think that.
+I want him to think that.	But do you mean it?
+Sal, I'm sorry about this.  But we can get outta this thing.  There's a way outta this.	Are you serious?  About throwin' a body outta here if we have to?
+Are you serious?  About throwin' a body outta here if we have to?	Well, I stalled him for a while. When it comes the time, then we'll work it out.  Okay?
+Well, I stalled him for a while. When it comes the time, then we'll work it out.  Okay?	But do you mean in? ... But you just told him that if worse comes to worse...
+But do you mean in? ... But you just told him that if worse comes to worse...	I want him to think that.
+I want him to think that.	But I want to know what you think.
+But I want to know what you think.	We won't have to.
+We won't have to.	I'll tell you right now - that I'm ready to do it.
+He wants one.	Dead or alive?
+Dead or alive?	Alive.
+To show that we're negotiating.	All right ... send them the guard.
+All right ... send them the guard.	All right ... let's go.
+I figure maybe we can get the FBI to make a deal ...	What kind of a deal?
+What kind of a deal?	Maybe we can get outta this thing alive ... get 'em to drop the kidnapping charges ...
+Maybe we can get outta this thing alive ... get 'em to drop the kidnapping charges ...	What do you mean?  You talkin' about coppin a plea?
+... because if you're talking about coppin' a plea, I'm tellin' you right now, there's no deal ... I'm never going back to prison ... We got our own deal already ... Do you remember the pact we made?  You and me and Jackie - that night in the bar ... we were talkin' about if we get trapped in the bank, what are you gonna do ... Right?  What did we say?  What did we say!	We'd kill ourselves.
+We'd kill ourselves.	Does that still go?
+Does that still go?	We're not there yet.
+You realize, Sal, that we're gonna get outta the country, so if you wanna talk to somebody, do it now ... You gotta Mother or a Father? Friends?  If we gotta be outside the country, where do you wanna go?  Any country. Just name a country.	Wyoming.
+Wyoming.	Wyoming ... That's not out of the country -- that's in the United States ... Look, I'll be back.
+Sonny -	Yeah ...
+Yeah ...	I never been up in a plane before.
+I never been up in a plane before.	It's nothing - it just goes up - it's the safest thing in the world. Safer than a car.  Don't worry about it, Sal - it'll be all right ... they're great ...
+They're trying to come through the door!	Everybody!  Back here!
+Okay ... okay ... all right, Sal, it's okay.  I got everything straightened out ... it's gonna be okay.	Get over there!
+Get over there!	Look, I talked to him and it's not going to be a helicopter - they can't land on top of the roof - so they're comin' with a big ... limousine bus and they'll take us to the airport - and they're gonna get a jet ... so things are rollin' ... they're movin' ... I also ordered some food ... I got some pizzas for us, all right?  I got some things to drink - I got sodas ... I even asked them for aspirins ... I'm doin' what I can ... now I gotta pay for the pizza ... where are the marked bills?
+What?	They keep sayin' two homosexuals. I'm not a homosexual.  I want you to stop them saying that.
+They keep sayin' two homosexuals. I'm not a homosexual.  I want you to stop them saying that.	That's all they're interested in - it's a freak show to them.  I can't control it, Sal - let'em say what they want.  Forget it.  It don't matter.
+It's the FBI.  He wants to come in.	Have him walk in backwards.
+Sal?	They gotta stop sayin' that.
+What'd he say?	He was talkin' about arrangements ... we were talkin' about the TV.
+He was talkin' about arrangements ... we were talkin' about the TV.	Why couldn't he talk about that here?
+Why couldn't he talk about that here?	He was showin' me how the airport bus is comin' in, like that, Sal.  What's wrong with him?
+Hey, Sal ... How you doin'?	Okay.
+Just give me a receipt.  Hey, Sal, you okay?	Okay, Sonny.
+Okay, Sonny.	All right.
+There it is, Sal.  Sal?	I'm here.
+I'm here.	Oh, Jesus!  Hey.  How about food? I forgot to ask to have food on board.
+Hey, Sonny - You did it!	Let's move it, goddamn it.
+First off, get the lights back on and the air conditioning.	No more favors.  That's all over, Sonny.
+No more favors.  That's all over, Sonny.	Aw, Jesus ... you been doin' us favors all night!
+Aw, Jesus ... you been doin' us favors all night!	I've got a jet.  I'll have airport limousine here in a half hour.  I want the hostages.
+I've got a jet.  I'll have airport limousine here in a half hour.  I want the hostages.	Bullshit!
+Bullshit!	I'd like to work with you on this, not against you.
+Well, Jesus, these hostages are keeping me alive.	Okay, when do I get them?
+Okay, when do I get them?	At the airport.  We get on the plane, check it out, and if it's all okay we'll send them out. Except one.
+At the airport.  We get on the plane, check it out, and if it's all okay we'll send them out. Except one.	I want them all.
+I want them all.	I want to talk to Leon.
+I want to come in, and see if everybody's okay.	You got guts.  You think if Sal and me have cut their throats we're gonna let you out?
+You got guts.  You think if Sal and me have cut their throats we're gonna let you out?	I have to see.
+Jesus, you'd like to kill me, too.	I wouldn't like to, but I will, if I have to.
+I wouldn't like to, but I will, if I have to.	Nothin' personal, huh?  The man that kills me, I want him to do it because he hates my guts.  Not because it's a job.  Okay, let's go ... but you gotta walk in backwards.
+Nobody give their right name ... it's the FBI!	I just want to see all you young ladies are all all right in here.
+Wait a minute!  What the fuck you tryin' to tell me?	What I said.  You just sit quiet and we'll handle Sal.
+What's wrong?	The manager, he's diabetic, he's lookin' bad.
+Sonny!  Could you come out, please? Could you come out, please?	It's my mother.  Who needs this shit?
+I don't want him.	What can he do, he's clean...
+What can he do, he's clean...	Gimme the black guy...
+I can't allow that, Sonny...	You can't allow!  I'm running this thing, what gives you the idea you can say shit?  Come on.  I'll pay you.  Whatta you want?  Two hundred?  A thousand?
+Okay - you got your one.	You follow my car.
+That's the jet.  You give us one more, now.  That's the deal...	Okay.  Which one goes?
+I ain't eaten all day.  I just realized it.	We'll have hamburgers on the plane. You ready?
+Okay, who's the head teller here?	I am.
+I am.	Open this up!
+Listen, we got young girls here... you could watch your language.	I speak what I feel.
+Listen, I'll never make it.  I'll have to go to the toilet.	What's the matter... they never housebroke you?
+What's the matter... they never housebroke you?	It's not a joke.  I got this terrible fear of being locked in...
+Oh - Maria!	Who the hell is that?  God damn it! What the...
+What are you trying to pull?	I forgot she's in here.
+I forgot she's in here.	Come on, nobody's going to the bathroom - come on...
+Oh, shit!  I gotta have time to think.	What is it?  Did you just barge in here... He doesn't have plan.  It's all a whim.  'Rob a bank!  What not?'
+What is it?  Did you just barge in here... He doesn't have plan.  It's all a whim.  'Rob a bank!  What not?'	... Just give me time to think...
+Hey, you okay?	He's got diabetes.  He's not a well person.
+He's got diabetes.  He's not a well person.	Those bastards -- they poisoned the pizza!  Sal - you didn't eat any pizza!?
+My kids ... Kimmy and Jimmy.	They're beautiful ...
+Hey, let's get ready!	Sonny - Here's your document.
+Here's your document, Sonny.	Yeah - it looks real official.
+Fuck!  We did it!	Goodbye, honey.  Wish us luck!
+What do you want here, Ma?  You could of watched it on TV.	My God, Sonny - you oughtta see - Alla Brooklyn is here!  On all 3 networks!
+My God, Sonny - you oughtta see - Alla Brooklyn is here!  On all 3 networks!	Mom - I got it all worked out; it's over.  The best thing is you go home.  Watch it on TV.
+Mom - I got it all worked out; it's over.  The best thing is you go home.  Watch it on TV.	I talked to the FBI, I told them about you, they said if you just come outta the bank it's gonna be okay.
+I talked to the FBI, I told them about you, they said if you just come outta the bank it's gonna be okay.	You did what?  Who did you talk to? What for?
+You did what?  Who did you talk to? What for?	Well, I'm only trying to get you outta this.  I told them you were in Vietnam, you always had good jobs, you were with Goldwater at the '64 convention, but you had marital problems...
+Well, I'm only trying to get you outta this.  I told them you were in Vietnam, you always had good jobs, you were with Goldwater at the '64 convention, but you had marital problems...	Oh my God, mother!
+Oh my God, mother!	I said you were never a faggot.
+I said you were never a faggot.	Don't talk to them anymore.  Sal and me are getting a jet, we're going to Algeria - I'll write you from there.
+Don't talk to them anymore.  Sal and me are getting a jet, we're going to Algeria - I'll write you from there.	He was very understanding - you ought to talk to him ... Algeria?
+He was very understanding - you ought to talk to him ... Algeria?	We can't stay here.
+We can't stay here.	Oh my God!  I don't understand.  If you needed money, why couldn't you come to me?  Everything I got is yours.  I got two hundred and maybe twenty-five in the savings.  It's yours.  You know it.
+Mom - they're sending a bus to take us to the airport.  You understand? If you're here - they're not gonna send it.  They'll think I'm gonna come out with you.	What's wrong with that?  The FBI was very understanding when I explained it to him.  Everybody knows it isn't you ... It's the pressures from your home life.
+What's wrong with that?  The FBI was very understanding when I explained it to him.  Everybody knows it isn't you ... It's the pressures from your home life.	For God's sake don't start in on Heidi again ...
+For God's sake don't start in on Heidi again ...	Did I say a thing against her?  God forbid I should say anything against that fat cunt.
+Did I say a thing against her?  God forbid I should say anything against that fat cunt.	Mom.  Mom.  There are some things a mother shouldn't say in front of her son.
+Mom.  Mom.  There are some things a mother shouldn't say in front of her son.	If she comes down here, so help me I'm gonna mash her brains in. Everything in your life was sunlight and roses until you met her.  Since then, forget it.
+If she comes down here, so help me I'm gonna mash her brains in. Everything in your life was sunlight and roses until you met her.  Since then, forget it.	She doesn't have anything to do with it!  You understand that? Mother?  This is me!
+She doesn't have anything to do with it!  You understand that? Mother?  This is me!	I know you wouldn't need Leon if Heidi was treating you right.  The thing I don't understand is why you come out and sleep with Heidi anyway?  You got two kids on welfare now.  What're you goin' to bed with her, you don't have enough with one wife and two kids on welfare, you want a wife and three kids on welfare?
+I know you wouldn't need Leon if Heidi was treating you right.  The thing I don't understand is why you come out and sleep with Heidi anyway?  You got two kids on welfare now.  What're you goin' to bed with her, you don't have enough with one wife and two kids on welfare, you want a wife and three kids on welfare?	Not now, Mom, please.
+Not now, Mom, please.	What'll you do?  Come out.
+What'll you do?  Come out.	I can't, Mom.  If I come out Sal will kill them.
+I can't, Mom.  If I come out Sal will kill them.	Oh.  Run.
+Oh.  Run.	What the hell for?  Twenty-five years in the pen?
+What the hell for?  Twenty-five years in the pen?	Maybe...
+Maybe...	Maybe!  Aw Christ, what dreams you live on!  Maybe what?
+I'm a fuckup and an outcast.  There isn't one single person in my life I haven't hurt through my love. You understand that?  I'm the most dangerous person in the world, because if I love you, watch out, you're gonna get fucked, fucked over and fucked out!	No!
+No!	Did Pop come down?
+Did Pop come down?	No.  This really pissed him off, Sonny.  He says you're dead.  He says he doesn't have a son.
+No.  This really pissed him off, Sonny.  He says you're dead.  He says he doesn't have a son.	He's right.  You shoulda done what he did.  Go home.  Don't talk to the FBI anymore.
+Why are you doing this?	Doing what?
+Doing what?	Robbing a bank.
+Robbing a bank.	I don't know ... It's where they got the money.  I mean, if you want to steal, you go to where they got the money, right?
+But I mean, why do you need to steal?  Couldn't you get a job?	Get a job doing what?  You gotta be a member of a union, no union card - no job.  To join the union, you gotta get the job, but you don't get the job without the card.
+Get a job doing what?  You gotta be a member of a union, no union card - no job.  To join the union, you gotta get the job, but you don't get the job without the card.	What about, ah, non-union occupations?
+What about, ah, non-union occupations?	Like what?  Bank teller?  What do they get paid -  ... they pay one hundred thirty- five dollars and thirty-seven cents to start.  I got a wife and kids. I can't live on that -- You want to live on that?  What do you make a week?
+Like what?  Bank teller?  What do they get paid -  ... they pay one hundred thirty- five dollars and thirty-seven cents to start.  I got a wife and kids. I can't live on that -- You want to live on that?  What do you make a week?	I'm here to talk to you, Sonny, not ...
+I'm here to talk to you, Sonny, not ...	Wait a minute ... I'm talkin' to you.  I'm askin' you a question ...
+Wait a minute ... I'm talkin' to you.  I'm askin' you a question ...	The audience is interested in you, Sonny ... not me.
+The audience is interested in you, Sonny ... not me.	Yeah!  We're hot entertainment, right?  You got me and Sal on TV ... we're entertainment you sell, right?
+Yeah!  We're hot entertainment, right?  You got me and Sal on TV ... we're entertainment you sell, right?	You're news, Sonny ...
+You're news, Sonny ...	How much you have to pay an entertainer to fill this slot?
+How much you have to pay an entertainer to fill this slot?	Newsman, not ...
+Newsman, not ...	Okay, newsman.  How much you make a week?  You're not talkin'.  You payin' me? What have you got for me?  We're givin' you entertainment ... what are you givin' us?
+Okay, newsman.  How much you make a week?  You're not talkin'.  You payin' me? What have you got for me?  We're givin' you entertainment ... what are you givin' us?	What do you want us to give you? You want to be paid for ...
+What do you want us to give you? You want to be paid for ...	I don't want to be paid.  I'm here with Sal and eight other people ... and we're dyin'!  They're gonna blow our guts out, man!  You're gonna see our brains onna sidewalk! How's that for all you shut-ins and housewives to look at!  You gonna help, or you just put it on instead of AS THE WORLD TURNS?  We're dyin' here!  What have you got for me?
+I don't want to be paid.  I'm here with Sal and eight other people ... and we're dyin'!  They're gonna blow our guts out, man!  You're gonna see our brains onna sidewalk! How's that for all you shut-ins and housewives to look at!  You gonna help, or you just put it on instead of AS THE WORLD TURNS?  We're dyin' here!  What have you got for me?	You could give up.
+You could give up.	Oh yeah?  Give up?  You ever been in prison?
+Oh yeah?  Give up?  You ever been in prison?	Of course not ...
+Of course not ...	Then talk about somethin' you fuckin' know about ...
+This is Drake Bishop.	Mr. Bishop... this is Claremont Williams. I own the Williams Brothers armored car service.
+Mr. Bishop... this is Claremont Williams. I own the Williams Brothers armored car service.	What happened to my money, Mr. Williams?  INT. CLAREMONT WILLIAMS III BOND AGENCY -- NEXT  Claremont sits behind his desk with his phone to his ear.
+What happened to my money, Mr. Williams?  INT. CLAREMONT WILLIAMS III BOND AGENCY -- NEXT  Claremont sits behind his desk with his phone to his ear.	Yesterday I received an e-mail from a source. In this e-mail were four social security numbers linked to the gentlemen who presented counterfeit California driver's licenses to my company late last night.
+Well... I think that these are the gentlemen who robbed us. I'm also a bail bondsman out of Los Angeles. I can track down and deliver these crooks to you... for a small finder's fee of course.	How much?
+How much?	$300,000.
+And if you can't deliver them?	My theft insurance policy will have to fork over the ten million... but that will take six to eight months due to Nevada state law.  But you should know sir... that I employ bounty hunters. My bounty hunters can find these thieves.
+This is Bishop.	The Bounty Hunters have arrived. They will drop off the money in exactly one hour.  Where do you want to meet?
+The Bounty Hunters have arrived. They will drop off the money in exactly one hour.  Where do you want to meet?	Top of the World at the Stratosphere. It's completely secure.  INT. FBI JET -- NEXT  Cosgrove and Espinoza listen to this conversation.
+Holy shit... this bitch is fierce.	I've been training since I was twelve. Knives. Guns. Throwing stars. You name it... I can fight with it. I'm a hard worker and a fast learner.  Nothing scares me. I'm not afraid to die.
+Morning.	Morning.
+They can do subtitles.	Choco grew up on the streets of El Salvador. When he was four years old... he stabbed another kid in the eye-ball with a pencil.  There were wires crossed somewhere in his soul.
+Who the hell is that?	That's the crew. They follow us.
+What is it, Choco?	Are you all right?
+I LOVE YOU, DOMINO.	I once vowed never to invest too much emotion into anyone, anything.
+Alright. Time to ditch this thing. Did you take a look at the bathroom window?	I forgot.
+I forgot.	For the love of God. Not Spanish again. Who's the girl?
+Where are we going?	On a raid. If she wants to see justice... we gonna take Domino to the Jungle, baby.  EXT. JUNGLE -- NEXT  The El Camino pulls into the entrance to the JUNGLE. The neighborhood of LOW INCOME HOUSES winds upward into the HILLSIDE adjacent to the wall. Ed parks the El Camino next to the curb.  INT. EL CAMINO -- NEXT
+Bail jumper's name is Cookie Kincaid. Nineteen years old. His mommie posted bail when he was arrested for allegedly partaking in a drive-by shooting in Hawthorne.	He killed two children.
+He killed two children.	Fella takes out two kids and has the audacity to not show up for trial.
+Fella takes out two kids and has the audacity to not show up for trial.	We gotta bring him in.
+We gotta bring him in.	Will you speak the fucking English language? The poor girl has no clue what you're talking about.  The boy speaks English, you know. Reads, writes, I swear it. He does this when he's around girls. Thinks it's cute.
+Will you speak the fucking English language? The poor girl has no clue what you're talking about.  The boy speaks English, you know. Reads, writes, I swear it. He does this when he's around girls. Thinks it's cute.	I'm gonna kill you, Ed.
+Tell him it's not cute. Will you tell him, Domino!?	Chinga te y tu mama tambien.
+Jesus Christ! What's that smell?	The children like to urinate in the balls.
+The children like to urinate in the balls.	Fuckin' A! We got a five hour drive back to LA ahead of us.  EXT. MACDONALD'S -- PARKING LOT -- MOMENTS LATER  Choco is now stripped down to his boxer shorts in the back PARKING LOT of the MacDonald's. Alf is hosing him down. Domino stares at Choco... admiring his body.
+Fella could get used to a life this ordinary.	Maybe you should fuck her mom then.
+So what?	You know what I'm talking about, did you fuck her?
+I just charged $12.95 to our room for that movie. Now I'll never know how the story ends.	Don't fuck with me, Ed. Not you, not tonight.
+Oh! And another thing. I am a liar. A pathological liar. There was no day in Danang, no multiple tours in Nam. Just lies to get laid, lies to get respect.  Truth is... I'm scared shitless all the time.	What about your toe?
+What about your toe?	Anything to get the fuck out of dodge.
+Anything to get the fuck out of dodge.	Did it hurt?
+Did it hurt?	What do you think, dumbshit?
+Promise me... you won't ever tell Domino.	What?
+What?	Promise me... you won't tell her... that I never fucked Pat Benatar.
+Hello?	Mr. Cigliuti?
+Mr. Cigliuti?	Yes.
+Yes.	I'm calling from the Kappa Epsilon Gamma house at California University.
+I'm calling from the Kappa Epsilon Gamma house at California University.	Yes.  INT. KEG HOUSE -- CHAPTER ROOM -- NEXT 
+I'm so sorry to be bothering you in the middle of the night like this... but it's a bit of an emergency.	What is it?
+What is it?	Your son... and your nephew have been kidnapped by these crazy game show hosts from the Fox network.  INT. CIGLIUTI COMPOUND -- MASTER BEDROOM -- NEXT  Cigliuti sits up in bed.
+Your son... and your nephew have been kidnapped by these crazy game show hosts from the Fox network.  INT. CIGLIUTI COMPOUND -- MASTER BEDROOM -- NEXT  Cigliuti sits up in bed.	My Frances? Frances and Charles have been kidnapped?  EXT. NEVADA DESERT -- NEXT 
+Why the hell are we delivering them out here? I can't even find any warrants in the system for these four.	The system hasn't been updated.
+The FBI was breathing down Lateesha's neck... and she assumed that they were onto our scam. So she set up some college kids to take the fall for the heist. They have been under FBI surveillance for the past 6 months.  INT. CHEVY SUBURBAN  Claremont drives like a maniac.	What happened to them?
+What happened to them?	I don't know. They might be dead already.
+You're breaking up... I can't hear you.	Remove... ... the... right arm.
+Remove... ... the... right arm.	What!!?
+Okay.	I won't forget this, Domino. I'm sorry it turned out like this...
+She's right... you lost your temper... and you started cursing like some ghetto skank. You lost all credibility right there!	That bitch called me a bitch.
+I've already formulated a plan.	What?
+What?	My armored car business. We just signed a new insurance policy in Nevada. There's a loophole.
+My armored car business. We just signed a new insurance policy in Nevada. There's a loophole.	There's always a loophole with you, Claremont. Your black ass is one big loophole.  INT. VEGAS SECURITY LOCKDOWN -- [FLASH FORWARD] NIGHT
+Where are you?  INT. CHEVY SUBURBAN -- NEXT  Claremont is behind the Wheel of a BLACK CHEVY SUBURBAN. He pulls into the Texaco parking lot.	I'm pulling up right now. Evacuate the fucking van! Plans have changed!  EXT. TEXACO STATION -- NEXT
+You motherfuckin' Tino. You fucked us so bad.	I fucked up. You can't help your greedy black lying ass from trying to get everything. All you've done is put a death sentence on Meeka.
+Claremont, you're a chubby chaser.	You white folks don't understand the natural beauty of a woman's figure. Those are birthing hips. More cushion for the pushin'.
+Did you get all four?	Yep.
+Yep.	Deliver them to the Needles DMV. Sundown at the Sam Kinison monument.
+We need hostages. Celebrity hostages. Just in case this gets ugly.  EXT. NEVADA DESERT -- LATER ON  The Cast Winnebago drives through the desert.	The combination code is tattooed on his right arm. You'll never get inside Edna Fender's safe without the code-breaker on that arm.  INT. CAST WINNEBAGO -- NEXT  Domino rides shotgun with her CELL PHONE to her ear.
+Hello?	The money exchange will take place at Top of the World at the Stratosphere. Get there at exactly midnight.
+Ms. Harvey... my name is Taryn Miles. I'm a criminal psychologist working for the FBI. I'm here to ask you a few questions.	Here's the part where I'm supposed to get all defensive and say... 'not until I speak with my attorney.'
+The driver's name was Locus Fender. We know that he was in on the heist.  INT. ARMORED CAR -- NEXT  LOCUS FENDER  is behind the wheel of the armored car. His unshaven, disheveled appearance looks totally out of place in his security uniform.  INT. VEGAS SECURITY LOCKDOWN -- NIGHT  Taryn is now scrawling notes on a pad.	Where is the money?
+Where is the money?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	I think that you're lying. I think you know exactly where the money is.
+I think that you're lying. I think you know exactly where the money is.	You're trying to scare me into falsely incriminating myself... and it's not working. I said I'd tell you everything I know. You and your friends behind the mirror.
+Is it true that you were hired to track down and capture the thieves... and then deliver them to Drake Bishop... owner of the Stratosphere Hotel & Casino?	Yes.
+Yes.	You then learned where the thieves had hidden the money... and at the instructions of your employer went to retrieve it yourself.
+You then learned where the thieves had hidden the money... and at the instructions of your employer went to retrieve it yourself.	He sent us out to the Fender Compound. Out in the desert near the Chicken Ranch.
+He's a reality television producer. His name is Mark Weiss.	Mr. Weiss was very generous in turning over some video tapes to the FBI. There's lots of footage of you. We know everything.  If you don't come clean... the information on these tapes could send you to prison for a very long time.
+Are you aware that Lateesha Rodriguez has been running a counterfeit driver's license racket?	That's the rumor on the street.
+That's the rumor on the street.	What was your business with Lateesha that day?
+What was your business with Lateesha that day?	We needed to verify some bond certificates for Claremont. She pushes stuff through the system for us... helps us track down perps for a kick back. It's all legal.  INT. MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE -- [FLASHBACK] DAY 
+You drove Lateesha's daughter to school... then dropped her off at the DMV. Why?	Her car was in the shop.
+The bitch was bluffing. There were no dupe tapes. If there were... they'd have shown them to me by now.	Show me the tapes. I want to see them.
+Show me the tapes. I want to see them.	Not yet.  INT. CAST WINNEBAGO -- NEXT  Alf pulls onto the 15 FREEWAY.
+Not yet.  INT. CAST WINNEBAGO -- NEXT  Alf pulls onto the 15 FREEWAY.	Take us to Vegas.
+Now the bitch was getting personal.	That's the only way you can cope with the route your life has taken. The fact that you made the choice to pursue this life- style... much to the chagrin of your mother... who is so clearly ashamed of you.  Imagine her shame when we cart you off to prison because you won't just tell the truth about what really happened.  EXT. NEVADA DESERT -- DAY FOR NIGHT [MESCALINE TRIP]
+Take us to Vegas.  EXT. DESERT ROAD -- DAY  The crew rides in the back of the Wanderer's truck toward Vegas.  INT. VEGAS SECURITY LOCKDOWN -- NIGHT  Domino stares at Taryn as she returns to the table.	This is your last chance. Tell us everything you know.
+Do you want know the real reason why I became a bounty hunter?	No. Please enlighten me.
+No. Please enlighten me.	I became a bounty hunter because of cunts like you.  I remember all the cunts in high school who were mean to me. Eventually... they all grew up to be just like you. Angry and bitter because they peaked early... and now they're stuck in some dead end marriage... or worse yet... an unfulfilling job that keeps them from meeting a man.
+That's my best friend. His name is Choco. He's always fancied me... but too shy to ever do anything about it.	Chi-Chi!  CHI-CHI!
+Chi-Chi!  CHI-CHI!	Chi-Chi has gone to doggie heaven, bitch!
+Is that you, Domino?	Nice to see you again, Edna.
+HE'S STILL ALIVE, EDNA!	PROVE IT!
+LOCUS! BABY... I'M HERE!	Turn over your weapon, Edna!
+Is that the decoder?	Yeah.  INT. FENDER HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER 
+Either this was some kind of set up... or the First Ladies got scared... decided to pull out and cut their losses.	Fuck 'em. Their loss is our gain. Put the money in the safe until we hear from Claremont. 
+Cock-fuckers are gonna pay.	Mescaline.  INT. CAST WINNEBAGO -- NIGHT  Domino and the others are all drinking coffee. Alf stares out through the windshield at the GLOW of Vegas in the distance.
+"After dad passed on, Mum's agenda was to hit the town and find another husband with a boatload of cash.  INT. LONDON APARTMENT -- EVENING  Sophie is dolled up for a night on the town... CLEAVAGE spilling out of her cocktail dress. Domino is feeding her pet GOLDFISH. ""THUNDERBIRDS"" plays on the television."	Be kind to your sitter.
+Everything. It is a ghastly existence.	Why must you fight... everything that is normal? You are blessed with such beauty. Life could be so easy... if only you allowed yourself to fit the mold.
+Why must you fight... everything that is normal? You are blessed with such beauty. Life could be so easy... if only you allowed yourself to fit the mold.	The mold? I am living among these crypto-fascist Orange County cunts... with daddy's BMW and the boob job... just waiting to implode.
+The mold? I am living among these crypto-fascist Orange County cunts... with daddy's BMW and the boob job... just waiting to implode.	Crypto-fascist? Who talks like this?!
+Crypto-fascist? Who talks like this?!	I refuse to turn out like them. Twenty-one years old and they're already looking for a husband.  Stupid fucking cunts with no self- esteem. They let the boys control their lives. Not me.
+I refuse to turn out like them. Twenty-one years old and they're already looking for a husband.  Stupid fucking cunts with no self- esteem. They let the boys control their lives. Not me.	Must you use that awful word?
+Must you use that awful word?	Cunt.
+Cunt.	Stop it.
+Stop it.	Cunt.
+Cunt.	I said stop it.
+I said stop it.	Cunt. It's just a word. Why does everyone in this fucking country get their knickers in a twist by the slightest bit of indecent conversation?
+So who is this Choko? Is he your new boyfriend?	It's Choco. And he's not my boyfriend. He's a bounty hunter.
+It's Choco. And he's not my boyfriend. He's a bounty hunter.	Whatever. He's a criminal. And this Ed Martin character is a complete loser.
+Whatever. He's a criminal. And this Ed Martin character is a complete loser.	He used to date Pat Benatar!
+God help us. God help us all.	It was the beginning of the end.
+Don't fuck with us, Edna! There are at least three more limbs where that one came from!	I can certainly think of one more!
+My real father was an actor. He died when I was a little girl.	Wow. Laurence Harvey. He knew Frank Sinatra?  I knew Frank.
+What the... who is this bitch?  EXT. HAWTHORNE COMMUNITY CENTER -- PARKING LOT -- NEXT  Ed and Choco exit the El Camino just as Domino retrieves her knife from the windshield. She grips it in her right hand... threatening them.	Where the fuck do you think you're going?
+You want to be a bounty hunter. Why does a pretty little thing like you want to be a bounty hunter?	Because I want justice. I want to help put these sleazebags back in jail where they belong.  And I want to have a little fun.
+You can save that Pretty Woman shit. The name is Domino.	Domino. Do you have a last name... Domino?
+Domino. Do you have a last name... Domino?	No last names. Just Domino. The less you know about me the better, okay?
+So Ed. What did you do before you became a bounty hunter?	I was a musician.
+Really? Did you play in a band?	Yeah. I played base guitar for Pat Benatar.
+I... love... Pat Benatar.	Yeah?! Well... I loved her too.
+Yeah?! Well... I loved her too.	Oh my God... you mean... the two of you dated?!
+Oh my God... you mean... the two of you dated?!	We dated off and on for two years. But life on the road is tough. The pressure of the tour... relationships within a band... sometimes it leads to jealousy.
+How did you meet Choco?	I found him pan-handling on Third Street Promenade. Took him under my wing. We been hunting together ever since.
+What the fuck is your problem? Bitch!!  INT. SOPHIE TROMAS MANSION -- KITCHEN -- DAY  Domino is loading her GUN at the kitchen table as Sophie serves breakfast. Domino wolfs it down.	Mum was terrified for me. She didn't approve of my lifestyle one bit.
+I was asleep in mum's guest house.  INT. SOPHIE THOMAS MANSION -- BEDROOM -- NEXT  Domino is asleep in bed. The TELEPHONE rings.	Hello?
+Hello?	We gotta go to work, Domino.
+Can you tell?	You're wearing eyeliner. You look like a queen.
+Cool it, Choco.	YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
+Everyone... please give Domino her space. Step back, please!	You have sixty seconds... here's the question...  Which one of you is Frances?
+Where are the bond certificates for the First Ladies?	There are no bond certificates.
+There are no bond certificates.	What do you mean? Claremont didn't provide them?
+What do you mean? Claremont didn't provide them?	No. What's the big deal?
+No. What's the big deal?	Something is going down. Something bad.
+Something is going down. Something bad.	Claremont said we deliver the First Ladies in Needles. Then we go home. No questions asked.
+What did he say about the arm?	He said... take his right arm.
+Make us a pot of coffee, Edna.  It's gonna be a long night.  EXT. FENDER COMPOUND -- MOMENTS LATER  Edna stands next to her MAIMED SON near the burning barrels as they watch the Winnebago drive off into the desert. Locus is sobbing... latching onto his mother's sweater.	Turned out Edna. had one last trick up her sleeve.  INT. FENDER COMPOUND -- KITCHEN -- [FLASHBACK] TEN MINUTES AGO
+We are so fucked.	Then so be it. If you believe what that Indian said we were fucked either way.
+Uhhh... I have no idea what you just said.	SPEAK ENGLISH! JESUS CHRIST WE'RE ON TELEVISION HERE!
+Three tours? Isn't that... twelve years?	Son, with the exception of Spring Break in Tijuana, have you ever ventured outside of California?
+Son, with the exception of Spring Break in Tijuana, have you ever ventured outside of California?	Many times.
+Many times.	Do you know where Danang is?
+Do you know where Danang is?	Not really.
+Not really.	...THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP!
+We're late.	Fucking Map Quest. Never again.  EXT. DOWNTOWN GARAGE ROOFTOP -- NEXT  Ziering and Green approach a LARGE TENT. The WINNEBAGO is parked off to the side. Alf is inside... doing something with a WELDER on the front of the RV.
+They need to get the introduction on camera. Just play along, alright?	They're gonna edit it together out of sequence so it's more exciting.  EXT. BEVERLY HILLS -- LATER ON
+Listen, dick-fuck. I had a good run while it lasted. Now I've got ten million in the bank. I'll never have to work again for the rest of my life.	And he used to fuck a Playboy centerfold every night.
+And he used to fuck a Playboy centerfold every night.	Twice a night, sometimes.
+We didn't sign on for this shit.  Fuck! This shit is intense. I need to call my agent.	Just shut up and do what they say. They're gonna kill us if we don't, Ian.
+Get Cynthia on the line. They changed the fucking font.	Okay.  Domino Harvey is here.
+Okay.  Domino Harvey is here.	Send her through to the conference room.  INT. FOX TELEVISION STUDIOS -- LOBBY -- NEXT
+This could break new ground in terms of traditional host models. It's self-reflexive reality television.	Your theory is valid... in theory.
+Your theory is valid... in theory.	We can't lose focus of Domino's journey, Mark.
+We're covered on legal with that, right?	In theory.
+Fast and or furious.	But real. This is gritty. Like Cassavetes.
+But real. This is gritty. Like Cassavetes.	Exactly. Why don't you leave the guns behind this time? Go in with only batons, brass knuckles, and numb-chucks.
+This girl is going to be a star. She just tells it like it is.	We should sign her to a talent holding deal.  INT. KEG HOUSE -- FRANCES' ROOM -- NEXT
+Where is Domino?	She went up to her room.
+You were good.	Real good.
+Ain't nobody gonna call me a bitch without some payback.	Nobody.
+Gotta strip/ Gotta give some lip/ Gotta make my tip/ But keep yo hands to yourself - Cuz you ain't touching these tits.	House is a wreck/ Gotta collect my check/ Gotta perfume my neck/ But keep yo hands off the weave cuz this black bitch don't suck the dick.
+Just like Billy Ocean says. When the going gets tough...	The tough get going.
+Meeka's white blood cell count is dropping fast.	Real fast.
+How you be?	I be.  I'm living large.
+I be.  I'm living large.	Is that the only tape you got?
+You don't like Public Enemy?  It's the dope shit.	I like 'em, but you don't play anything else.
+I like 'em, but you don't play anything else.	I don't like anything else.
+I don't like anything else.	Check this out.  Y'know Sal's.
+Check this out.  Y'know Sal's.	Yeah, I know dat motherfucker.
+Yeah, I know dat motherfucker.	I'm trying to organize a boycott of Sal's pizza joint.  Ya see what I'm saying?
+I'm trying to organize a boycott of Sal's pizza joint.  Ya see what I'm saying?	I almost had to yoke him this afternoon.  Tell me, tell me, Radio Raheem, to turn my music down. Didn't even say please.  Who the fuck he think he is?  Don Corleone and shit.
+I almost had to yoke him this afternoon.  Tell me, tell me, Radio Raheem, to turn my music down. Didn't even say please.  Who the fuck he think he is?  Don Corleone and shit.	He makes all his money off us Black people and I don't see nuthin' but Italians all up in there, Sylvester Stallone and motherfuckers.  Ya see what I'm saying, homeboy?
+He makes all his money off us Black people and I don't see nuthin' but Italians all up in there, Sylvester Stallone and motherfuckers.  Ya see what I'm saying, homeboy?	Talk to me.
+Talk to me.	We shouldn't buy a single slice, spend a single penny in that motherfucker till some people of color are put up in there.
+We shouldn't buy a single slice, spend a single penny in that motherfucker till some people of color are put up in there.	That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.
+That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.	You got my back.
+Ya back is got.	My brother.
+My brother.	My brother.
+Yo!	Yes?
+Yes?	"You almost knocked me down.  The word is ""excuse me."""
+"You almost knocked me down.  The word is ""excuse me."""	Excuse me.  I'm very sorry.
+Excuse me.  I'm very sorry.	"Not only did you knock me down, you stepped on my new white Air Jordans that I just bought and that's all you can say, ""Excuse me?"""
+I'll fuck you up quick two times.	Who told you to step on my sneakers? Who told you to walk on my side of the block?  Who told you to be in my neighborhood?
+Who told you to step on my sneakers? Who told you to walk on my side of the block?  Who told you to be in my neighborhood?	I own a brownstone on this block.
+I own a brownstone on this block.	Who told you to buy a brownstone on my block, in my neighborhood on my side of the street?
+What do you want to live in a Black neighborhood for?  Motherfuck gentrification.	I'm under the assumption that this is a free country and one can live where he pleases.
+I'm gonna leave now.	If I wasn't a righteous Black man you'd be in serious trouble. SERIOUS.
+That's not even true.  I just want a slice.	Jade, you don't know this, but I'm organizing a boycott of Sal's Famous Pizzeria.
+Jade, you don't know this, but I'm organizing a boycott of Sal's Famous Pizzeria.	What did he do this time?
+What did he do this time?	Y'know all those pictures he has hanging on the Wall of Fame?
+Y'know all those pictures he has hanging on the Wall of Fame?	So?
+So?	Have you noticed something about them?
+Every single one of those pictures is somebody Italian.	And?
+And?	And I--we--want some Black people up.
+And I--we--want some Black people up.	Did you ask Sal?
+Did you ask Sal?	Yeah, I asked him.  I don't want nobody in there, nobody spending good money in Sal's.  He should get no mo' money from the community till he puts some Black faces up on that motherfucking wall.
+Buggin' Out, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but you can really direct your energies in a more useful way.	So, in other words, you are not down.
+So, in other words, you are not down.	I'm down, but for a worthwhile cause.
+I'm down, but for a worthwhile cause.	Jade, I still love you.
+How much?	You come in here at least three times a day.  You a retard?  A buck fifty.
+You come in here at least three times a day.  You a retard?  A buck fifty.	Damn, Sal, put some more cheese on that motherfucker.
+Extra cheese is two dollars. Y'know dat.	Two dollars!  Forget it!
+Sal, that might be fine, you own this, but rarely do I see any Italian Americans eating in here. All I've ever seen is Black folks. So since we spend much money here, we do have some say.	You a troublemaker?
+Don't come back, either.	Boycott Sal's.  Boycott Sal's.
+What did I tell ya 'bout dat noise?	What did I tell ya 'bout dem pictures?
+What did I tell ya 'bout dem pictures?	What da fuck!  Are you deaf?
+What da fuck!  Are you deaf?	No, are you?  We want some Black people up on the Wall of Fame.
+No, are you?  We want some Black people up on the Wall of Fame.	Turn that JUNGLE MUSIC off.  We ain't in Africa.
+Why it gotta be about jungle music and Africa?	It's about turning that shit off and getting the fuck outta my pizzeria.
+Mookie.	What?
+What?	How come you ain't got no brothers up?
+How come you ain't got no brothers up?	Ask Sal.
+Ask Sal.	Sal, how come you ain't got no brothers up on the wall here?
+Buggin' Out, I gotta work here.	I'm cool.  I'm cool.
+I'm cool.  I'm cool.	Come back in a week, it will be squashed.
+You the man.	You the man.
+You the man.	No, you the man.
+No, you the man.	No.  I'm just a struggling Black man trying to keep my dick hard in a cruel and harsh world.
+It's so nice to see a family hanging out together.	We're not hanging out.  I'm being escorted back to work.
+You a dumb-ass simple motherfucker. Where did you read that?	Don't worry about it.  But when it happens and I'm in my boat and ya black ass is drowning, don't ask me to throw you a lifesaver either.
+As I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted by the finest.	What was you saying?
+Make it plain.	OK, but listen up.  I'm gonna break it down.
+It's been about a year.	A motherfucking year off the motherfucking boat and got a good business in our neighborhood occupying a building that had been boarded up for longer than I care to remember and I've been here a long time.
+How long?	Too long!  Too long.  Now for the life of me, I haven't been able to figger this out.  Either dem Koreans are geniuses or we Blacks are dumb.
+No!	No!
+What can you say?	I don't know how he does it.
+Squash it.	I just wanted to know who named ya Sweet Dick Willie?
+The evil eye doesn't work on me.	Mother Sister, you've been talkin' 'bout me the last eighteen years. What have I ever done to you?
+Mother Sister, you've been talkin' 'bout me the last eighteen years. What have I ever done to you?	You're a drunk fool.
+You're a drunk fool.	Besides that.  Da Mayor don't bother nobody.  Nobody don't bother Da Mayor but you.  Da Mayor just mind his business.  I love everybody. I even love you.
+Besides that.  Da Mayor don't bother nobody.  Nobody don't bother Da Mayor but you.  Da Mayor just mind his business.  I love everybody. I even love you.	Hold your tongue.  You don't have that much love.
+Hold your tongue.  You don't have that much love.	One day you'll be nice to me.  We might both be dead and buried, but you'll be nice.  At least civil.
+I didn't know you had such beautiful hair.	Fool, there's a lot in this world you don't know.
+Fool, there's a lot in this world you don't know.	I'm not stopping.  I'm on my way.
+That was a foolish act, but it was brave.  That chile owes you his life.	I wasn't trying to be a hero.  I saw what was about to happen and I reacted, didn't even think.  If I did, I might not have done it in second thought.  Da Mayor is an old man, haven't run that fast in years.
+I went from first to home on a bunt single, scored the winning run, the bottom of the ninth, two out, August 1, 1939, Snow Hill, Alabama.  Maybe I should be heroic more often.	Maybe you shouldn't.  Don't get happy.  This changes nothing between you and me.  You did a good thing and Mother Sister wanted to thank you for it.
+Maybe you shouldn't.  Don't get happy.  This changes nothing between you and me.  You did a good thing and Mother Sister wanted to thank you for it.	I thank you.
+I thank you.	You're welcome.
+Good morning.	Is it a good morning?
+Is it a good morning?	Yes indeed.  You almost got yourself killed last night.
+Yes indeed.  You almost got yourself killed last night.	I've done that before.
+Where did you sleep?	I didn't.
+I didn't.	I hope the block is still standing.
+I hope the block is still standing.	We're still standing.
+Mookie.	Gotta go.
+Gotta go.	C'mere, Doctor.
+Doctor, this is Da Mayor talkin'.	OK.  OK.
+OK.  OK.	Doctor, always try to do the right thing.
+Doctor, always try to do the right thing.	That's it?
+That's it?	That's it.
+Eddie Lovell.	How old are you?
+How old are you?	Ten.
+Ten.	What makes Sammy run?
+What makes Sammy run?	My name is Eddie.
+My name is Eddie.	What makes Sammy run?
+What makes Sammy run?	I said my name is Eddie Lovell.
+I said my name is Eddie Lovell.	Relax, Eddie, I want you to go to the corner store.  How much will it cost me?
+Relax, Eddie, I want you to go to the corner store.  How much will it cost me?	How would I know how much it's gonna cost if I don't know what I'm buying?
+How would I know how much it's gonna cost if I don't know what I'm buying?	Eddie, you're too smart for your own britches.  Listen to me.  How much do you want to run to the store for Da Mayor?
+Eddie, you're too smart for your own britches.  Listen to me.  How much do you want to run to the store for Da Mayor?	Fifty cents.
+Fifty cents.	You got a deal.
+Don't you have enough sense not to bother people when they're sleeping?	Wake up!
+Wake up!	Wake up?  Saturday is the lone day I get to sleep late.
+Wake up?  Saturday is the lone day I get to sleep late.	It's gonna be hot today.
+It's gonna be hot today.	Good!  Leave me alone when I'm sleeping.  I'm gonna get a lock on my door, to keep ya ass outta here.
+Good!  Leave me alone when I'm sleeping.  I'm gonna get a lock on my door, to keep ya ass outta here.	Don't ya love ya brother Mookie anymore?  I loves ya, Jade.
+Don't ya love ya brother Mookie anymore?  I loves ya, Jade.	Do me a favor.  Go to work.
+Do me a favor.  Go to work.	Later.  Gotta get paid.
+Jade.	I'm in here.
+How come you're not at Sal's?	I'm working.
+Is this another one of your patented two-hour lunches?	I just come home to take a quick shower.
+I just come home to take a quick shower.	Sal's gonna be mad.
+Sal's gonna be mad.	Later for Sal.  Y'know, sometimes I think you're more concerned with him than me.
+Later for Sal.  Y'know, sometimes I think you're more concerned with him than me.	I think no such a thing.  Sal pays you, you should work.
+I think no such a thing.  Sal pays you, you should work.	Slavery days are over.  My name ain't Kunta Kinte.  Sis, I don't want to argue, stop pressing me.
+Slavery days are over.  My name ain't Kunta Kinte.  Sis, I don't want to argue, stop pressing me.	I just don't want you to lose the one job you've been able to keep, that's all.  I'm carrying you as it is.
+I just don't want you to lose the one job you've been able to keep, that's all.  I'm carrying you as it is.	Don't worry 'bout me.  I always get paid.
+Don't worry 'bout me.  I always get paid.	Yeah, then ya should take better care of your responsibilities.
+Yeah, then ya should take better care of your responsibilities.	What responsibilities?
+What responsibilities?	I didn't stutter.  Take care of your responsibilities.  Y'know exactly what I'm talking about.
+Hurry up and get dressed.	I'm coming.
+I'm coming.	I'm going with you.
+No.	Yo, I'm gone.
+Yo, I'm gone.	I'll see ya there.
+I'll see you out.	See ya around.
+Jade, I don't want you coming in here no mo'.	Stop tripping.
+Stop tripping.	No, you're tripping.  Don't come in Sal's.  Alright, read my lips.
+No, you're tripping.  Don't come in Sal's.  Alright, read my lips.	What are you so worked up about?
+What are you so worked up about?	Over Sal, the way he talks and the way he looks at you.
+Over Sal, the way he talks and the way he looks at you.	He's just being nice.
+He's just being nice.	Nice!
+Nice!	He's completely innocent.
+He's completely innocent.	Innocent!
+Innocent!	I didn't stutter.  You heard me.
+I didn't stutter.  You heard me.	You should see the way he looks at you.  All Sal wants to do is hide the salami.
+You should see the way he looks at you.  All Sal wants to do is hide the salami.	You are too crude.
+You are too crude.	I might be, but you're not welcome here.
+Stop trying to play big brother. I'm a grown woman.  You gotta lotta nerve.  Mookie, you can hardly pay your rent and you're gonna tell me what to do.  Come off it.	One has nuthin' to do with the other.
+One has nuthin' to do with the other.	Oh, it doesn't, huh!  You got your little 250 dollars a week plus tips...
+Oh, it doesn't, huh!  You got your little 250 dollars a week plus tips...	I'm getting paid...
+I'm getting paid...	...peanuts.
+...peanuts.	Pretty soon I'll be making a move.
+Pretty soon I'll be making a move.	I truly hope so.  I'm tired of supporting a grown man.
+Jade, you're late.	I know, Mother Sister, but I'm here now.  Where's the stuff?
+This might take some time.	I got nowhere to go.  We haven't had a good sit-down for a long while.
+Tender-headed runs in my family. You tender-headed?	Yeah, me too.
+Yeah, me too.	That's why I don't fool with it. Only let you touch it...Ouch!
+That's why I don't fool with it. Only let you touch it...Ouch!	Sorry, comb got caught.
+Sorry, comb got caught.	Be gentle, child.  Mother Sister is an old woman.
+Be gentle, child.  Mother Sister is an old woman.	How are you holding up in this weather?
+How are you holding up in this weather?	I'll do.
+I'll do.	I don't know why you still haven't bought an air conditioner.
+I don't know why you still haven't bought an air conditioner.	Don't like 'em.  A fan will do.
+You are too cruel to Da Mayor, it isn't right.	I'm not studying no Mayor.  Besides, he reminds me of my least favorite peoples.  My tenants and my ex- husband--Goddamn-bless his soul.
+Number One: I got some jive, late- rent-paying trifling Negroes in this house.  Every year I keep threatening to sell it.	And move to Long Island...
+And move to Long Island...	And move to Long Island.  Number Two: my ex-husband lost all my property, all my money in his scheme to build a Black business empire.  Needless to say what happened, this house is it, all I got.  I'm too through with yar people.
+And move to Long Island.  Number Two: my ex-husband lost all my property, all my money in his scheme to build a Black business empire.  Needless to say what happened, this house is it, all I got.  I'm too through with yar people.	Whew!
+"Twenty ""D"" Duracells."	"Twenty ""C"" Duracells."
+"Twenty ""C"" Duracells."	D, not C.
+D, not C.	C Duracell.
+C Duracell.	D!  D!  D!  You dumb motherfucker. Learn how to speak English first.  D.
+How many you say?	Twenty!  Motherfucker!  Twenty!
+Twenty!  Motherfucker!  Twenty!	Motherfucker you.
+C'mon, don't be shy.  Mmm, smells good.  This is ya Love Daddy talkin' to ya, starvin' like Marvin. Say something, Mookie.	Mister Señor Love Daddy, I'd like to dedicate the next record to my heart, Tina.
+Mister Señor Love Daddy, I'd like to dedicate the next record to my heart, Tina.	Alright.  Let me play this record while I go to work on my chicken Parmigiana hero with extra cheese and extra sauce.
+Here ya are.  Keep the change.	That's right on time.  This is my friend, Vito.  His pops is Sal.
+That's right on time.  This is my friend, Vito.  His pops is Sal.	Tell ya father he makes the best heros in Brooklyn.
+WAKE UP!	Fuck!  My money!
+Fool, you're thirty cents away from a quarter.  How you gonna get a boat?	Don't worry about it.
+Don't worry about it.	You're raggedy as a roach.  You eat the holes out of donuts.
+You're raggedy as a roach.  You eat the holes out of donuts.	I'll be back on my feet.  Soon enough.
+I'll be back on my feet.  Soon enough.	So when is all this ice suppose to melt?
+Motherfucker wasn't saying shit.	Look at that.
+It's a fucking shame.	What is?
+Sweet Dick Willie.	That's my name.
+That's my name.	Do I have to spell it out?
+Let it be broke.	Can ya dig it?
+Can ya dig it?	It's dug.
+It's dug.	Look at those Korean motherfuckers across the street.  I betcha they haven't been a year off da motherfucking boat before they opened up their own place.
+It's Miller time.  Let me go give these Koreans s'more business.	It's a motherfucking shame.
+ML?	What?
+What?	ML, hold this for me.
+Why you gotta talk 'bout my moms?	Nobody talkin' 'bout ya moms.
+I didn't say nobody, I said you.	Sweet Dick, I didn't mean it like that.
+Sweet Dick, I didn't mean it like that.	Yes you did.
+ML stands for ML.  That's it.	Naw, that's some stupid shit.  Now you know how I got that name.
+Naw, that's some stupid shit.  Now you know how I got that name.	Negroes kill me, always holdin' onto, talkin' 'bout their dicks.
+Korea man is OK.  Let's leave him alone.	Him no white.  Him no white.
+Hey!  What did I say?	Who doesn't work?  Don't start no shit, won't be no shit.
+Who doesn't work?  Don't start no shit, won't be no shit.	Mookie, no cursing in the store.
+Mookie, no cursing in the store.	Talk to your son.
+Mookie, if your friends can't behave, they're not welcome.	I got no say over people.
+Mookie, what took you so long?  I got a business to run.	Run it then.
+Mookie, get offa da phone.	Be off in a second.  Tina, I dedicated a record on Mister Señor Love Daddy's show to you.
+Mookie!  How is anybody gonna call in?	Big deal?  If that's not LOVE, I don't know what is.
+Sal, can you do me a favor?	Depends.
+Depends.	Can you pay me now?
+Can you pay me now?	Can't do.
+Can't do.	Sal, just this once, do me that solid.
+Sal, just this once, do me that solid.	You know you don't get paid till we close tonight.  We're still open.
+You know you don't get paid till we close tonight.  We're still open.	I would like to get paid now.
+I would like to get paid now.	Tonight, when we close.
+Sal, I don't care if you fire me this exact minute, leave my sister alone.	Mookie, I don't know what you're talking about, plus I don't want to hear it.
+Mookie, I don't know what you're talking about, plus I don't want to hear it.	Sal, just do me a favor, leave Jade alone.
+Sal, just do me a favor, leave Jade alone.	Here, you gotta delivery.
+Yeah, do you know 'em?	No, just checking.
+Sal, if you want me to deliver any faster, get me a jet rocket or something, cuz I can't run with pizzas, all the cheese ends up on one side and shit.	I didn't say nuthin'.  You must have a guilty conscience.  What are you guilty of?
+I didn't say nuthin'.  You must have a guilty conscience.  What are you guilty of?	I'm not guilty of nuthin'.
+I'm not guilty of nuthin'.	You must be guilty of something or you would have never come in saying the things you said.
+You must be guilty of something or you would have never come in saying the things you said.	C'mon, Sal.
+C'mon, Sal.	Where we goin'?
+Whatdafuck do you want?	I wants my money.  I wants to get paid.
+Mookie, I always liked you.  Not the smartest kid, but you're honest. Don't make me dislike you.	Sal, I want my money.
+Sal, I want my money.	Don't even ask about your money. Your money wouldn't even pay for that window you smashed.
+Don't even ask about your money. Your money wouldn't even pay for that window you smashed.	Motherfuck a window, Radio Raheem is dead.
+Motherfuck a window, Radio Raheem is dead.	You're right, a kid is dead, but Mook, this isn't the time.
+You're right, a kid is dead, but Mook, this isn't the time.	Fuck dat.  The time is fuckin' now. Y'know I'm sorry 'bout Sal's Famous Pizzeria, but I gotta live, too. I gotta get paid.
+Fuck dat.  The time is fuckin' now. Y'know I'm sorry 'bout Sal's Famous Pizzeria, but I gotta live, too. I gotta get paid.	We both do.
+We both do.	We all know you're gonna get over with the insurance money anyway! Ya know da deal.
+We all know you're gonna get over with the insurance money anyway! Ya know da deal.	Do we now?
+Do we now?	Quit bullshitting.
+Quit bullshitting.	You don't know shit about shit.
+How much?  How much do I owe you?	My salary.  Two-fifty.
+Ya just got paid, so leave me the fuck alone.	You only pay me two-fifty a week.  I owe you fifty bucks.
+You only pay me two-fifty a week.  I owe you fifty bucks.	Keep it.
+Keep it.	You keep it.
+You keep it.	Christmas came early.
+It's supposed to be even hotter today.	You gonna open up another Sal's Famous Pizzeria?
+You gonna open up another Sal's Famous Pizzeria?	No.  What are you gonna do?
+No.  What are you gonna do?	Make dat money.  Get paid.
+Make dat money.  Get paid.	Yeah!...I'm goin' to the beach for the first day in fifteen years. Gonna take the day off and go to the beach.
+Yeah!...I'm goin' to the beach for the first day in fifteen years. Gonna take the day off and go to the beach.	I can dig it.  It's gonna be HOT as a motherfucker.
+I can dig it.  It's gonna be HOT as a motherfucker.	Mookie?
+Mookie?	Gotta go.
+Gotta go.	C'mere, Doctor.
+Doctor, this is Sal talkin'.	OK.  OK.
+OK.  OK.	Doctor, always try to do the right thing.
+Doctor, always try to do the right thing.	That's it?
+I know I haven't seen you in four days.  I'm a working man.	I work too, but I still make time.
+I work too, but I still make time.	Tina, what do you want me to do?
+Tina, what do you want me to do?	I want you to spend some time with me.  I want you to try and make this relationship work.  If not, I'd rather not be bothered.
+I want you to spend some time with me.  I want you to try and make this relationship work.  If not, I'd rather not be bothered.	Alright.  Alright.  I'll be over there sometime today.
+Alright.  Alright.  I'll be over there sometime today.	When?
+When?	Before I get off work.
+Before I get off work.	Bring some ice cream, I'm burning up.  Do you love me?
+Bring some ice cream, I'm burning up.  Do you love me?	Do I love you?
+Delivery from Sal's Famous Pizzeria.	What took you so long?  Is it hot?
+What took you so long?  Is it hot?	Hot.  Hot.
+Hot.  Hot.	Come in then.
+Tina, you are too slick.	How else was I going to get you here?  I haven't seen you in a week.
+How else was I going to get you here?  I haven't seen you in a week.	I've been working hard, getting paid.
+I've been working hard, getting paid.	Where's the ice cream?  The Häagen- Dazs butter pecan?
+Where's the ice cream?  The Häagen- Dazs butter pecan?	Shit!  I forgot.
+Shit!  I forgot.	Your memory is really getting bad.
+Your memory is really getting bad.	I just forgot.
+And I really wanted some ice cream too.	I can run out and get it.
+I can run out and get it.	No!  No!  You won't come back either.
+No!  No!  You won't come back either.	I can't be staying long anyway.
+I can't be staying long anyway.	How long then?
+How long then?	Long enough for us to do the nasty.
+Long enough for us to do the nasty.	That's out.  No!  It's too hot! You think I'm gonna let you get some, put on your clothes, then run outta here and never see you again in who knows when?
+That's out.  No!  It's too hot! You think I'm gonna let you get some, put on your clothes, then run outta here and never see you again in who knows when?	A quickie is good every once in a blue moon.
+A quickie is good every once in a blue moon.	You a blue-moon fool.
+You a blue-moon fool.	Then we'll do something else.
+Then we'll do something else.	What else?
+What else?	Trust me.
+Trust me.	Trust you?  Because of trusting you we have a son.  Remember your son?
+Trust you?  Because of trusting you we have a son.  Remember your son?	Trust me.
+I'm gonna take off ya clothes.	Mookie, I told you already it's too fucking hot to make love.
+Mookie, I told you already it's too fucking hot to make love.	Why you gotta curse?
+Why you gotta curse?	I'm sorry, but no rawness is jumping off tonight.
+I'm sorry, but no rawness is jumping off tonight.	No rawness.
+Tina, you're sweating.	Of course I'm sweating.  I'm burning up.  It's hot, moron, only a hundred degrees in here.
+Of course I'm sweating.  I'm burning up.  It's hot, moron, only a hundred degrees in here.	Lie down, please.
+It's cold.	It's 'pose to be cold.
+It's 'pose to be cold.	Later for you.
+Later for you.	Meda.  Meda.
+Meda.  Meda.	What?
+What?	Tina, you don't have a forehead, you got a eight-head.
+Feels good.	Yes, yes, Lord.  Isn't this better than Haagen-Dazs butter pecan ice cream?
+Where are you going?	To get my money.
+To get my money.	Mookie, you must think I'm stupid or something.  You're gonna run outta here and I won't see your black ass for another week.
+Mookie, you must think I'm stupid or something.  You're gonna run outta here and I won't see your black ass for another week.	Tina, it's not like that.
+You don't care about me and you definately don't care 'bout your son.	Tina, I'll be right back.
+Tina, I'll be right back.	Be a man.
+Be a man.	I am a man.
+Act like one then.  Be a man.	Later.
+Later.	You're to the curb.  You better step off.  Get a life.
+Mookie, late again.  How many times I gotta tell you?	Hello, Sal.  Hello, Vito.
+Just coolin'.	You're still late.
+Shaddup, Vito.	Fuck dat shit.  I deliver pizzas. That's what I get paid for.
+Fuck dat shit.  I deliver pizzas. That's what I get paid for.	You get paid to do what we say.
+Pop, I don't believe this shit.  We runnin' welfare or somethin'? Every day you give dat bum--	Da Mayor ain't no bum.
+Da Mayor ain't no bum.	Give dat bum a dollar for sweeping our sidewalk.  What do we pay Mookie for?  He don't even work.  I work harder than him and I'm your own son.
+Give dat bum a dollar for sweeping our sidewalk.  What do we pay Mookie for?  He don't even work.  I work harder than him and I'm your own son.	Who don't work?  Let's see you carry six large pies up six flights of stairs.  No elevator either and shit.
+You talk to 'em.	People are free to do what they wanna do.
+Smack him back.	What?
+What?	Remember what I said.
+You deaf or what?	Gotta go.  See ya soon.  Everybody happy now?
+Who's your favorite basketball player?	Magic Johnson.
+Magic Johnson.	And not Larry Bird?  Who's your favorite movie star?
+And not Larry Bird?  Who's your favorite movie star?	Eddie Murphy.
+Shut up.  The Boss!  Bruuucce!!!!	"Sounds funny to me.  As much as you say nigger this and nigger that, all your favorite people are ""niggers."""
+Pino, I think secretly that you wish you were Black.  That's what I think.  Vito, what do you say?	Y'know, I've been listening and reading 'bout Farrakhan, ya didn't know that, did you?
+Y'know, I've been listening and reading 'bout Farrakhan, ya didn't know that, did you?	I didn't know you could read.
+I didn't know you could read.	"Fuck you.  Anyway, Minister Farrakhan always talks about the so-called ""day"" when the Black man will rise.  ""We will one day rule the earth as we did in our glorious past.""  You really believe that shit?"
+"Fuck you.  Anyway, Minister Farrakhan always talks about the so-called ""day"" when the Black man will rise.  ""We will one day rule the earth as we did in our glorious past.""  You really believe that shit?"	It's e-vit-able.
+It's e-vit-able.	Keep dreaming.
+Keep dreaming.	Fuck you, fuck pizza, and fuck Frank Sinatra, too.
+Fuck you, fuck pizza, and fuck Frank Sinatra, too.	Well, fuck you, too, and fuck Michael Jordan.
+Dago, wop, garlic-breath, guinea, pizza-slinging, spaghetti-bending, Vic Damone, Perry Como, Luciano Pavarotti, Sole Mio, nonsinging motherfucker.	You gold-teeth, gold-chain-wearing, fried-chicken-and-biscuit-eatin', monkey, ape, baboon, big thigh, fast-running, three-hundred-sixty- degree-basketball-dunking spade Moulan Yan.
+Wait a minute.  Wait a minute.  I just got here.  You sweep.  I betcha Sal asked you first anyhow.	That's right.
+Mister Señor Love Daddy is cool.	Ya like him, huh?
+Ya like him, huh?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	"Y'know, Vito, I know Pino is ya brother and shit, but the next time he hits ya, the next time he touches ya, you should ""house him."" Kick his ass."
+"Y'know, Vito, I know Pino is ya brother and shit, but the next time he hits ya, the next time he touches ya, you should ""house him."" Kick his ass."	I don't know.
+I don't know.	If you don't make a stand, he's gonna be beating ya like a egg for the rest of your life.
+If you don't make a stand, he's gonna be beating ya like a egg for the rest of your life.	That's what you think?
+That's what you think?	That's what I think.
+That's what I think.	I don't like to fight.
+I'll do that.	We're outta here.
+Pino, I work hard like everybody in here.	He's right.
+Pino, no joke.  C'mon, answer.	It's Prince.  He's a Prince freak.
+Whaddup.  Money?	I was going to buy a slice.
+I was going to buy a slice.	I'll be back after I make this delivery.
+I'll be back after I make this delivery.	On the rebound.
+That's the dope.	I just copped them.  Let me tell you the story of Right-Hand--Left- Hand--the tale of Good and Evil.
+I just copped them.  Let me tell you the story of Right-Hand--Left- Hand--the tale of Good and Evil.	I'm listening.
+I'm listening.	HATE!
+Brother, Mookie, if I love you I love you, but if I hate you...	I understand.
+I understand.	I love you, my brother.
+I love you, my brother.	I love you, Black.
+See, Pop.  That's just what I was talkin' about.  Every single time you tell Pino to do something, he gives it to me.	He's nuts.
+Get the broom.	I ain't getting shit.
+Me and you are gonna have a talk.	Sez who?
+Sez who?	Sez me.
+Fuck you and stay off the phone.	Forget it, Mookie.
+Some are OK.	My friends laugh at me all the time, laugh right in my face, tell me go feed the Moulies.
+I know this.	I love you.
+I love you.	I'm listening.
+I'm listening.	Good.  I want you to listen.
+Good.  I want you to listen.	Jesus Christ on the cross, I said I'm listening.
+Jesus Christ on the cross, I said I'm listening.	Good.  Vito, you trust that Mook too much.  So does Pop.
+Good.  Vito, you trust that Mook too much.  So does Pop.	Mookie's OK.
+Mookie's OK.	You listening to me?
+You listening to me?	Stop busting my balls.  I said I'm listening ten fucking times already.
+Stop busting my balls.  I said I'm listening ten fucking times already.	Mookie is not to be trusted.  No Moulan Yan can be trusted.  The first time you turn your back, boom, a knife right here.  In the back.
+Mookie is not to be trusted.  No Moulan Yan can be trusted.  The first time you turn your back, boom, a knife right here.  In the back.	How do you know this?
+How do you know this?	I know.
+I know.	You really think so?
+You really think so?	I know so.  He, them, they're not to be trusted.
+I know so.  He, them, they're not to be trusted.	So what do you want me to do?
+Be on guard.  Mookie has Pop conned already, so we have to look out for him.	I like Mookie a lot.
+I like Mookie a lot.	And that's exactly what I'm talkin' 'bout.
+Pino, get a broom and sweep out front.	Vito, get a broom and sweep out front.
+Hey!  Watch it.	I didn't want to come to work anyway.  I hate this freakin' place.
+I didn't want to come to work anyway.  I hate this freakin' place.	Can you do better?  C'mere.
+Can you do better?  I didn't think so.  This is a respectable business.  Nuthin' wrong with it.  Get dat broom.	Tell Vito.
+Pino, relax, will ya.	Here, take the broom.  The front needs sweeping.
+I should have Vito go with you all the time.	Yeah, no more ninety-minute deliveries around the corner.
+C'mere.  Don't get too friendly with da Mook.	That's gonna be the last time you hit Vito.
+Sal's Famous Pizzeria, yeah, two large pizzas, pepperoni and anchovies, hold on...  See, Pop, Mookie fucking talking on the phone and people are trying to call in orders.  He's making us lose business.	Mookie, you're fucking up.
+Mookie, you're fucking up.	Twenty minutes.  How come you niggers are so stupid?
+Turn it off.	Mister Radio Raheem, I can't even hear myself think.  You are disturbing me and you are disturbing my customers.
+Pop, I think we should sell this place, get outta here while we're still ahead...and alive.	Since when do you know what's best for us?
+Since when do you know what's best for us?	Couldn't we sell this and open up a new one in our own neighborhood?
+Couldn't we sell this and open up a new one in our own neighborhood?	Too many pizzerias already there.
+Too many pizzerias already there.	Then we could try something else.
+Then we could try something else.	We don't know nuthin' else.
+We don't know nuthin' else.	I'm sick of niggers, it's a bad neighborhood.  I don't like being around them, they're animals.
+I didn't think so.	Pop, what else can I say?  I don't wanna be here, they don't want us here.  We should stay in our own neighborhood, stay in Bensonhurst.
+Pop, what else can I say?  I don't wanna be here, they don't want us here.  We should stay in our own neighborhood, stay in Bensonhurst.	So what if this is a Black neighborhood, so what if we're a minority.  I've never had no trouble with dese people, don't want none either, so don't start none.  This is America.  Sal's Famous Pizzeria is here for good. You think you know it all?  Well, you don't.  I'm your father, you better remember that.
+You're gonna be in the street with the rest of your homeboys.	'Bout time, Pop.
+Pop, stop lying.	Shaddup!  Jade, what can I fix you?
+Vito!  Pino!  Let's go.	Be right there, Pop.  Listen to what I said.
+The both of youse, shaddup.	Tell Pino.
+Pop asked you.	I'm gonna kill somebody today.
+How ya doin', Mookie?	Whaddup?
+Both of youse--shaddup.  This is a place of business.	Tell 'em, Pop.
+Take it easy, Pop.	Don't start on me today.
+Pop, I'm gonna go with Mookie.	Good, make sure he don't jerk around.
+No, I'm not it.	"Yeah, you are. He touched you. You're ""it"" until you touch someone else."
+"Yeah, you are. He touched you. You're ""it"" until you touch someone else."	"I have five kids at home, I know how it works. I'm just not ""it"". Okay guys? Two fifty."
+You're it.	Guys. Give me the two fifty and go away.
+Yeah, we're closed. So go away.	Actually we have something for you.
+Oh my god, are you alright?	Yeah, I think.
+But I came here to learn about America.	Baby listen, there's nothing more American than not doing anything and getting away with it.
+Baby listen, there's nothing more American than not doing anything and getting away with it.	Then I'm in. Just like Jerk-Off.
+Ting tao kuun jahn leeka leeka powww.	She's saying... a beautiful swan...
+She's saying... a beautiful swan...	Sleeeeew sheek baw...
+Sleeeeew sheek baw...	... flying gracefully... over the rice fields.
+Kan maaaaw Roy Orbison kin nah mah oh che.	"... to the tune of ""Only the Lonely"" by Roy Orbison."
+I don't get it. Why'd you make him a pirate?	I'll tell you why!
+CHING CHONG, What happened to your beautiful Asian accent?	Actually, my name is Cindy, the accent just helps me meet boys.
+Hi.	Well I hope the carpet matches the drapes.
+Well I hope the carpet matches the drapes.	Excuse me.
+Excuse me.	In the new library there.
+In the new library there.	Oh, yeah. I don't think they do. You're new here, right?
+Oh, yeah. I don't think they do. You're new here, right?	Depends how you define 'new'...
+Depends how you define 'new'...	You're the kid who was home schooled.
+You're the kid who was home schooled.	Yeah. How'd you know?
+Yeah. How'd you know?	I've been assigned to write an article about you for the school paper. It was either a feature on you or the new four-color ink pens at the student store.
+I've been assigned to write an article about you for the school paper. It was either a feature on you or the new four-color ink pens at the student store.	Four colors? Neato!
+Four colors? Neato!	Yeah, well, I'd much rather write an expose or a hard hitting investigative piece, but nothing really ever happens around here. But, I chose you and that's fine.  I'm Jessica Matthews.
+Yeah, well, I'd much rather write an expose or a hard hitting investigative piece, but nothing really ever happens around here. But, I chose you and that's fine.  I'm Jessica Matthews.	HARRY Dunne.
+Hey guys.	Heddo Jeth-ica.
+Do you thill want to do an arwticle on me, Jethica?	Yes, you and the whole Special Needs class.
+Tomorrow we go on a fee-eee-eee- wald twrip.	A field trip? Maybe I'll join you. See you tomorrow.
+HARRY!	MS. HELLER said not to talk to you.
+MS. HELLER said not to talk to you.	That's because Ms. Heller doesn't want you to know this whole thing is a scam.
+That's because Ms. Heller doesn't want you to know this whole thing is a scam.	A-ha! I had a feeling it was all a fake.
+A-ha! I had a feeling it was all a fake.	You did?
+You did?	Yeah. Look at this polar bear. It hasn't moved in half an hour. And those Eskimos over there...I'm sure at least one of them is a mannequin.
+Yeah. Look at this polar bear. It hasn't moved in half an hour. And those Eskimos over there...I'm sure at least one of them is a mannequin.	Oh Harry, you're so funny. Now I have something that's kind of delicate...
+Oh Harry, you're so funny. Now I have something that's kind of delicate...	Oh, you want to talk about your delicates?
+Oh, you want to talk about your delicates?	Are you trying to be funny? Or are you actually re--, re...special
+Are you trying to be funny? Or are you actually re--, re...special	We're all special. Everyone Lloyd and I chose for the class is special.
+We're all special. Everyone Lloyd and I chose for the class is special.	You and Lloyd chose the class!?
+Excuse me?	Come over around seven.
+Come over around seven.	O'clock?
+O'clock?	Yeah...
+Yeah...	Gotcha.
+Wipe your feet. My parents are totally anal.	Ooh gross.
+Ooh gross.	Would you like something to drink?
+Would you like something to drink?	Yeah, but I'm buying.
+Okay, there's a lot for us to go over, so it may get hard for you.	Hard for me? Hard for me? Hard for me? Hard for me?  You had questions?
+Hard for me? Hard for me? Hard for me? Hard for me?  You had questions?	I checked with the school board, she's not an accredited teacher.
+I checked with the school board, she's not an accredited teacher.	That's okay. Lloyd's really the one teaching the class.
+That's okay. Lloyd's really the one teaching the class.	LLOYD? What about Ms. Heller?
+LLOYD? What about Ms. Heller?	She says that she's got more important things to do now that the new mall opened.
+She says that she's got more important things to do now that the new mall opened.	Sit down, I have something to tell you.
+Sit down, I have something to tell you.	I'm fine.
+I'm fine.	Well, I'll tell you what I think. I think she and Principal Collins are embezzling money from the school, and I think they've been doing it for years.
+What? Well now I'm in a position where I may just heed your help.	Po, po, position...? Hey, here's thought, have you a bathroom?
+Po, po, position...? Hey, here's thought, have you a bathroom?	Just down the hall.
+Just down the hall.	Very good. Back in a jiff.
+HARRY? Are you okay?	Are you kidding? I couldn't be more okay.
+Are you kidding? I couldn't be more okay.	My mom wants to know if you can stay for dinner.
+My mom wants to know if you can stay for dinner.	"Are you kidding? I'll be down in a ""I-crapped-my-pants."""
+"Are you kidding? I'll be down in a ""I-crapped-my-pants."""	What?
+What?	Coming.
+What are you wearing?	I, uh... changed for dinner. I get dressed for all my meals. Except breakfast and bath-meal.  Boy, it's hot in here. Mind if I open a window?
+Okay.	Okay, what?
+Why didn't you tell us your boyfriend was Principal Collins?	What? No! Look.
+Hey look, it's our teacher.	Of course, she's in on it too. Don't let her see you. Just go get that chest and show the world what Collins has been doing. I'm staying here.
+Uh... not a great first impression... Dinner's ready.	Then what are we doing sitting around yapping? Let's eat!
+The name's Walter.	Well la de da.
+We've got some margarine too if you'd like to scoop it out of the tub.	No, I'm fine thanks.
+No, I'm fine thanks.	Well save room for Mrs. Matthews famous baked brisket.
+Well save room for Mrs. Matthews famous baked brisket.	Famous? I've never heard of it.
+Is it true what you said to Captain Rob?	Yes, Harry. I can't home school you anymore. So maybe it's time to make some new friends, some friends your own age...
+Yes, Harry. I can't home school you anymore. So maybe it's time to make some new friends, some friends your own age...	I'm just not ready.
+Wow, a treasure map! What's the treasure?	It could be anything. You're going to discover a whole new world when you get to school.
+It could be anything. You're going to discover a whole new world when you get to school.	Wow just like Marco Polo.
+Wow just like Marco Polo.	I don't follow.
+I don't follow.	You know Mom, like in the pool.
+You're going to be just fine, HARRY.	I know I am, Mom.
+I know I am, Mom.	Here's your lunch. And an apple and banana for extra energy.
+Here's your lunch. And an apple and banana for extra energy.	Maybe the treasure's a chest full of apples and bananas!
+Mom, you know that never works.	Right.
+Oh, Harry, I'm so proud of you making a real friend.	Is it okay if he spends the night?
+Is it okay if he spends the night?	LLOYD, did you ask your parents?
+Then a sleep-over is okay by me. Okay boys, eat up.	Oh Lloyd, you gotta taste my Mom's pie!
+Oh Lloyd, you gotta taste my Mom's pie!	So boys, how was your first day?
+You could've saved that for the tooth fairy!	That's stupid! I happen to know my mom is the tooth fairy.
+That's stupid! I happen to know my mom is the tooth fairy.	Your mom is the tooth fairy? That is so cool!
+Your mom is the tooth fairy? That is so cool!	Yeah, she must do all the flying around when I'm asleep.  HARRY Dunne.
+Yeah, she must do all the flying around when I'm asleep.  HARRY Dunne.	No thanks, not hungry. Harry Dunne. Why does that name not sound familiar?
+No thanks, not hungry. Harry Dunne. Why does that name not sound familiar?	Probably because we've never met.
+Probably because we've never met.	No, that's not it. Anyway -  LLOYD Christmas.
+No, that's not it. Anyway -  LLOYD Christmas.	Here I am bragging my Mom is the tooth fairy, and I'm talking to Santa's kid!
+Here I am bragging my Mom is the tooth fairy, and I'm talking to Santa's kid!	I haven't seen you around here before.
+I haven't seen you around here before.	Home school. Til today.
+Home school. Til today.	Home school? What's that?
+Home school? What's that?	I go to school where I live.
+I go to school where I live.	Me too!
+I think it's just over there.	Is that what I think it is?
+Is that what I think it is?	No, it's a treasure map.
+No, it's a treasure map.	Cool.
+Cool.	My mom says the treasure's somewhere in the school.
+My mom says the treasure's somewhere in the school.	"I don't know. I'm pretty familiar with the school and I've never seen that ""X"". But... I do know something."
+"I don't know. I'm pretty familiar with the school and I've never seen that ""X"". But... I do know something."	What?
+What?	You're it.
+Yeah, dangerous cult. Don't make eye contact or they might talk to you.	Don't we want them to talk to us?
+Don't we want them to talk to us?	No no no no no.
+No no no no no.	Why not?
+Why not?	Well, besides cooties and other medical reasons, they're not in the cool crowd. Which I am, and you want to be. Know what I mean?
+Well, besides cooties and other medical reasons, they're not in the cool crowd. Which I am, and you want to be. Know what I mean?	No.
+Oh my gosh, I don't think she's even wearing underwear!	How nerdy is that? I'm wearing two pairs right now.
+How nerdy is that? I'm wearing two pairs right now.	Me too!
+You know Harry, this is my favorite time of day.	Yeah, it's nice. And your friend TURK is totally great.
+Yeah, it's nice. And your friend TURK is totally great.	Yeah, he's aces.  Thanks, Turk!
+God, she's beautiful. My wiener's all tingly.	Shift to your left.
+Who's Principal Collins?	The principal.
+The principal.	Wow.
+You know, you're the first person I've brought here.	Oh, is this your special place?
+Oh, is this your special place?	No, I just usually eat my lunch on the crapper. Saves time. Out with the old, in with the new.
+No, I just usually eat my lunch on the crapper. Saves time. Out with the old, in with the new.	Can we eat there tomorrow?
+Can we eat there tomorrow?	Sure, but first we have to find kids special, needy and classy enough to be in Special Needs.
+Sure, but first we have to find kids special, needy and classy enough to be in Special Needs.	It'll be like taking candy from a stranger.
+H A R R Y...	The second R is silent.
+The second R is silent.	Oh, of course.
+One day they'll find a cure.	You brave soldier.
+We're part of a special class taught by the lunch lady, er, I mean Ms. Heller. Maybe you'd like to join us, it doesn't require any walking.	And nobody will make fun of your horrible deformity.
+...oh also, we even have a slogan. 'S' and 'P' stands for 'Special People', which is the kind of kids we are. 'A' and 'Z' is for 'Aren't Zeros' because that is less then one, and when you put it all together it spells...	HARRY, what are you doing? She's a foreign exchange student. She doesn't speak the English.  CHING CHONG ching chingy chingy chong chong.
+Wow! It's a half-boy, half-horse. The boys walk up to him, impressed.	Now that's more of what we're looking for.
+Maybe we should ask Jessica to join the class.	JESSICA? Please hold for my reaction.
+Got any crazy eights?	Go fish.
+Oh, yeah. Well I almost always beat Captain Rob.	Who's Captain Rob?
+Who's Captain Rob?	Just a guy I hang out with.
+Just a guy I hang out with.	I know the type. Lives in the basement, smells like a sponge...
+I know the type. Lives in the basement, smells like a sponge...	No! Captain Rob is seven feet tall, wears an eye patch, got a hook for a hand...
+No! Captain Rob is seven feet tall, wears an eye patch, got a hook for a hand...	Sounds like a pirate.
+Sounds like a pirate.	What? No no. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, buries treasure...
+What? No no. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, buries treasure...	Yeah, he's a pirate.
+Yeah, he's a pirate.	"I don't think so. This guy drinks rum from a barrel, says ""yo ho ho"" has a peg leg..."
+"I don't think so. This guy drinks rum from a barrel, says ""yo ho ho"" has a peg leg..."	Peg leg?
+Peg leg?	Yeah, go-cart accident.
+Yeah, go-cart accident.	Exactly! A pirate!
+Exactly! A pirate!	If he heard you talking like that he'd make you walk the plank.  Three, two, one. Now it's your turn, spin.
+If he heard you talking like that he'd make you walk the plank.  Three, two, one. Now it's your turn, spin.	A-ha! You landed on Candyland! Now swallow it!
+Whoa. What was that?	What?
+What?	Your mom made a move on me.
+Your mom made a move on me.	She did not.
+She did not.	Who knows? Maybe someday I'll be your new daddy.
+Who knows? Maybe someday I'll be your new daddy.	LLOYD, she's my mom.
+LLOYD, she's my mom.	I can't help my heart. And when I'm your dad, you'll have to do as I say.
+I can't help my heart. And when I'm your dad, you'll have to do as I say.	Will not.
+Will not.	Don't use that tone with me, young man.
+Don't use that tone with me, young man.	Shut up!
+Shut up!	I will stop this car right now.
+I will stop this car right now.	You're not my real dad.
+You're not my real dad.	You take that back!
+You take that back!	Shut Up! Buttlick!
+Shut Up! Buttlick!	Where did you learn that word?
+Where did you learn that word?	I learned it from listening to you! I hate you!
+I learned it from listening to you! I hate you!	Kids.
+That would be me, sir. The wife made stew last night.	Shut up Lloyd. You're not married yet.
+Collins is a great man!	Now you see why he was elected principal?
+HARRY.	You look familiar. Did I have your brother?
+You look familiar. Did I have your brother?	No.
+No.	Okay. Anyone else have any questions?
+What's with horse-boy, now he's a bright shiny sun?	Don't look directly at him.
+...and who was Benjamin Franklin again?	The pilgrim who used penicillin to kill Godzilla.
+The pilgrim who used penicillin to kill Godzilla.	I didn't know that.
+I didn't know that.	Welcome to public school, my friend.
+Welcome to public school, my friend.	Hey, teach, how'd you get so smart?
+Hey, teach, how'd you get so smart?	When you live in the basement of the school, you breathe in a lot of chalk dust. It writes out all the answers on your brain.  Now how about a slushee?
+When you live in the basement of the school, you breathe in a lot of chalk dust. It writes out all the answers on your brain.  Now how about a slushee?	A. Slushee. Don't tell me.  Abraham Slushee. Third president of the United States.
+A. Slushee. Don't tell me.  Abraham Slushee. Third president of the United States.	And he invented fire.
+Nice jugs.	They can't be real.
+You're it.	Oh, no. You're not gettin' me again.
+You're it.	Oh! Ho! Okay. You wanna go?
+Can he do that?	HARRY, he can and he did. And now it's on like Donkey Kong.
+These are really cold, huh?	That's why you have to drink it fast, trust me.
+Owww... refreshing.	Ow... What do you want to do, HARRY?
+I don't know. Owwww.	Maybe I should go home and grade papers. Owwww.
+My head is suddenly killing me. Maybe it's from all the learning today.	Put some ice on it.
+Owww.	And my mouph is frozen.
+There she goes, now wearing nothing but her underwear.	What a nerd. I don't know where that girl's ever gonna find a husband.
+LLOYD, where've you been? I've been waiting forever. I'm so embarrassed.	Sorry. Why are you dressed like a Queen!?
+Sorry. Why are you dressed like a Queen!?	...cause you said...
+...cause you said...	HARRY, I said don't 'dress like a Queen'!
+HARRY, I said don't 'dress like a Queen'!	Oh... that makes much more sense. I had a heck of time getting these drapes from my mom. You don't want to know where I put the cord.
+Oh... that makes much more sense. I had a heck of time getting these drapes from my mom. You don't want to know where I put the cord.	HARRY! Here he comes.
+According to the map, we're just about at school.	Yeah, but we still haven't found any treasure.
+What?	Our own special bus.
+Our own special bus.	How do you know it's for us?
+How do you know it's for us?	Duh. The cool kids sit in the back of the bus. Here, every row is in the back. We're all cool!
+Nope. I was right.	Wanna bet?
+Uh oh. Captain Rob's always been my partner.	Sucks for you.
+Sucks for you.	Who's your partner?
+Who's your partner?	I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
+I don't know. I haven't decided yet.	Well... Uh...maybe... jeez, how can I say this... you and I could...perhaps ...maybe...uh... partner up?
+Well... Uh...maybe... jeez, how can I say this... you and I could...perhaps ...maybe...uh... partner up?	You and me? Dream on, desperado.
+You and me? Dream on, desperado.	Oh. Sorry. You're right, field trip partner is a big commitment.
+Oh. Sorry. You're right, field trip partner is a big commitment.	I'm kidding! Of course I'll be your partner.
+That's a cow, Harry.	Well, I could go for a tall glass of polar bear milk right now.
+Sorry about that Harry, first time I've brought a friend up there. You okay?	Yea!
+Who cares? Chicks are for fags.	I think she wants me to come over to put me into the right position to check out her delicates, what ever that means.
+I think she wants me to come over to put me into the right position to check out her delicates, what ever that means.	"Oh yeah, buddy, you're gonna get ""some""."
+"Oh yeah, buddy, you're gonna get ""some""."	Some what?
+Some what?	You know... She's gonna be all over you like a barrel of monkeys, with her tight shirt and short skirt... Eeeww, it's so faggy I can't even talk about it.
+You know... She's gonna be all over you like a barrel of monkeys, with her tight shirt and short skirt... Eeeww, it's so faggy I can't even talk about it.	Come on, Lloyd. You must know someone I can talk to.
+Come on, Lloyd. You must know someone I can talk to.	Sure I do. On one condition.
+Sure I do. On one condition.	You can't marry my mom.
+You can't marry my mom.	It's really not up to you, Harry. But we just want you to feel like you're part of the decision.
+It's really not up to you, Harry. But we just want you to feel like you're part of the decision.	Shut up!
+Shut up!	Alright, if you really want to go down this road, well girl's like chocolate.
+Oh hey Lloyd, why are you here?	Just wanted to see how your doing.
+Just wanted to see how your doing.	I kinda screwed things up.
+I kinda screwed things up.	I'm sure you're overreacting.
+I'm sure you're overreacting.	I don't think so.
+I don't think so.	You're always your harshest critic.
+You're always your harshest critic.	She wants me to stay for dinner, I don't know what to say to her.
+She wants me to stay for dinner, I don't know what to say to her.	Okay, I saw this in a movie once. Open the dining room window and follow my lead. Say what I say.
+Okay, I saw this in a movie once. Open the dining room window and follow my lead. Say what I say.	Good - thanks Lloyd! I'll meet you downstairs, I gotta find some clothes.
+HARRY, can you hear me?	Yes.
+You have beautiful eyes.	You have beautiful eyes.
+Hey, where did you come from?	Hey, where did you come from?
+Do you want me to pet your head?	I bet you want your head scratched.
+I bet you want your head scratched.	I bet you want your head scratched.
+Don't snap at me like that. You're lucky I don't punch you right in the face.	Don't snap at me like that. You're lucky I don't punch you right in the face.
+Now what are you staring at, you ugly monkey?	What are you staring at, you ugly monkey?
+Sure, I like a woman with some meat on her bones.	"So, have you given him ""some"" yet?"
+LLOYD, what are you doing? That's JESSICA and... my mom.	HARRY, this is my fantasy! I suggest you leave - before I imagine something horrible.
+HARRY, this is my fantasy! I suggest you leave - before I imagine something horrible.	But-
+But-	HARRY!
+HARRY!	You're right. Hey, thanks for the jet pack. Your fantasies are so much cooler than mine. Bye Mom.
+HARRY! I found the treasure!	Go away, assface.
+Go away, assface.	Did you hear what I said? The treasure! Like on your map!
+Did you hear what I said? The treasure! Like on your map!	"Yeah, right. Why don't you show it to your ""girlfriend""?"
+"Yeah, right. Why don't you show it to your ""girlfriend""?"	JESSICA and I are through. I couldn't stand being with her knowing you liked her. It wasn't worth our friendship. Oh, and she also has a boyfriend.
+JESSICA and I are through. I couldn't stand being with her knowing you liked her. It wasn't worth our friendship. Oh, and she also has a boyfriend.	Do you hear something, Captain Rob?
+Do you hear something, Captain Rob?	Captain Rob came back?
+Captain Rob came back?	Yeah, he does sound like a rat fink.
+Yeah, he does sound like a rat fink.	Hey, there's no reason to use that kind of language!
+Hey, there's no reason to use that kind of language!	Good one, Captain Rob. He does look like a you-know-what.
+Good one, Captain Rob. He does look like a you-know-what.	Oh, telling inside jokes now, are we? That's it. You're out of the cool crowd. Next time Turk's passing out wedgies, you ain't gettin' one.
+HARRY, would you like to share with the rest of us what's so funny?	You wouldn't get it. Just a private joke between best friends.
+No one knows?	Me, me, me!
+Me, me, me!	The answer is George Jefferson.
+By the way, did Captain Rob mention how I beat the crap out of him this afternoon?	No. What happened?
+No. What happened?	Nothing. Why, whaddya hear?
+A raft.	A blimp.
+A blimp.	A turd.
+George Washington!	Who?
+Who?	Hello, he only invented money!
+Wow, we built a whole float in one afternoon. And now the reward.	"What do you mean? We can't go in there or we'll be ""it""."
+If you have to ask, you don't know.	Yeah, that's why I asked.
+Yeah, that's why I asked.	You certainly did.
+You certainly did.	I know I did.
+I know I did.	Sorry, no further questions.
+You're it.	Am not.
+Am not.	Are, too.
+Are, too.	D2.
+It's okay. I want the rush.	No. Look.
+Hey, it's Jessica.	That must be her boyfriend's car.
+PRINCIPAL COLLINS is her boyfriend!	Now it makes total sense why she didn't want him to know we were in his office the other night.
+No wonder we both struck out with her. Who can compete with the sexual power of the man who occupies the highest office in the land?	He's like the Pope. Like we're gonna snake a girl away from the Pope.
+He's like the Pope. Like we're gonna snake a girl away from the Pope.	Hey, let's go spy on them.
+Cute puppy.	He must be on his way to pee out a fire.
+Hey, look. Ice cream.	You thinking what I'm thinking?
+You found my treasure? Why didn't you tell me.	Three words. I did. But you were all mad at me and wouldn't listen.
+Three words. I did. But you were all mad at me and wouldn't listen.	Well, I'm listening now.
+Well, I'm listening now.	Me, too. This is my favorite part of the tape.
+You know Lloyd, the real treasure is our friendship.	How true. But I still feel I deserve more than you do of this treasure. I mean, I found it.
+How true. But I still feel I deserve more than you do of this treasure. I mean, I found it.	But my mom gave me the map.
+But my mom gave me the map.	I lugged it all over town!
+I lugged it all over town!	I made the polar bear pants.
+I made the polar bear pants.	But I ate your Mom's pie.
+But I ate your Mom's pie.	I... found that rock.
+I... found that rock.	It was a diamond and you swallowed it.
+Enough! Look what this cursed chest is doing to us.	I don't know who we are anymore.
+I have no idea - it's full of files and documents and tapes.	Do you know what this means?
+Hey Lloyd. This looks like another one of your mix tapes.	Maybe the pirate who buried this treasure chest made it. Put it on.
+That makes total sense. The treasure chest was in his office. Which means Principal Collins is a pirate! I'm surprised Captain Rob never mentioned him.	That's because Captain Rob is not a pirate. We've been through this.
+What was it Jessica wanted us to do with this chest again?	Something about showing the world what Principal Collins has done.
+Something about showing the world what Principal Collins has done.	Right. She's so proud of her boyfriend.
+What? What did we do?	We never thanked him for giving us our Special Needs class.
+We never thanked him for giving us our Special Needs class.	That's what Jessica was talking about!
+That's what Jessica was talking about!	She wants us to show the world what a great guy Principal Collins is.
+She wants us to show the world what a great guy Principal Collins is.	And like she said, do it before the parade.
+A float!	That's it. Build him a float for the Thanksgiving Day parade!
+HARRY, we found the real thing to be thankful for. Screw George Washington!	Yes. Screw George Washington. Just like Marilyn Monroe did.
+Ready Lloyd?	Put a fork in me Harry, lets get started.
+Wait, wait!	HARRY, are we gonna build this thing or not?
+HARRY, are we gonna build this thing or not?	LLOYD, what I'm saying is we may already have what we want.
+Guys, this is much better.	PRINCIPAL COLLINS is a greater American than George Washington will ever be.
+Oh my god. Can you believe your ears?	Yeah! No more clicks and whistles! Now she speaks perfect English!
+Yeah! No more clicks and whistles! Now she speaks perfect English!	You're a great teacher, Lloyd.
+Start the tape, Lloyd.	Roger that, Wilco.
+Oh, good. There's Jessica.	How could she miss this? This whole salute to Collins was her idea.
+Hey there goes Principal Collins!	He's so modest. Probably embarrassed by all the attention.
+He's so modest. Probably embarrassed by all the attention.	Well, that's too bad, this is his day.
+Oh my God! She's two-timing PRINCIPAL COLLINS!	And with that complete loser
+Ya know Harry, I think this whole experience has soured me on women.	Yeah, we should never let a woman come between us again.
+Yeah, we should never let a woman come between us again.	I don't think that'll happen. We've learned a valuable lesson we won't ever forget.
+Hold up. First, we have to decide who gets who, remember? No more competition?	Right.
+Right.	Okay. Which one do you want?
+The one on the left.	Damn! What are the odds?
+Damn! What are the odds?	What?
+What?	That's the one I wanted.
+She's one of a kind.	Try one in a million!
+Try one in a million!	Well, what should we do?
+You take her.	No Lloyd. Chicks are for fags - I'm not going to do it.
+Sorry, Charlie.	Hey, where'd you go?
+Beats me. It's Jessica's Dad - she said he's really anal.	That's gross.
+That's gross.	I know.
+MS. HELLER, mind if I tag along on your field trip? I'm thinking of doing a story on your special needs class.	I'm not interested. Not after the smear story you did on my chicken sushi.
+I'm not interested. Not after the smear story you did on my chicken sushi.	Well, when 200 students are hospitalized with stomach cramps I think it's newsworthy.
+Well, when 200 students are hospitalized with stomach cramps I think it's newsworthy.	Nevertheless, you could have mentioned the sauce.  Well, I see you have a camera.
+Nevertheless, you could have mentioned the sauce.  Well, I see you have a camera.	So can I come along?
+So can I come along?	No.
+Are you wearing a coconut bra?	Oh, you're good.
+Oh, you're good.	Why are you teaching Special Needs? You're the lunch lady.
+Why are you teaching Special Needs? You're the lunch lady.	Dietician! This interview is over. You can have the camera back tomorrow. Come by the classroom. Heller heads off.
+Dietician! This interview is over. You can have the camera back tomorrow. Come by the classroom. Heller heads off.	You mean the lunch room?
+I thought I told you to get lost.	Look Ms. Heller, there's something fishy here, and I don't think it's Friday's special.
+Look Ms. Heller, there's something fishy here, and I don't think it's Friday's special.	I wouldn't know. Being that I'm just the teacher and all.
+You had some questions.	Last year Toby was in A.P. English. And Lewis won the Science Fair. What are they doing in Special Needs?
+Last year Toby was in A.P. English. And Lewis won the Science Fair. What are they doing in Special Needs?	Poor question. Too wordy. A good question gets right to the point. Example, where's my chest?
+Poor question. Too wordy. A good question gets right to the point. Example, where's my chest?	I don't know what you're talking about.
+I don't know what you're talking about.	Oh I think you do.
+My parents are going to wonder where I am.	One phone call from the principal will take care of that, my dear.
+So what did you say to my parents on the phone?	Not to expect you tonight.
+I'm going to ask you one last time and if I don't get an answer, I don't even want to think about the consequences which would be frightening to say the least. Where's my chest, Jessica?	I don't know what you're talking about.
+Well, what have we here? It appears be a tape.	That's not your tape.
+That's not your tape.	Then where did you get this not my tape.
+Then where did you get this not my tape.	THAT'S NOT YOUR TAPE.
+THAT'S NOT YOUR TAPE.	Don't play with me dear, you're way out of your league.
+TURK, leave him alone.	TURK, leave him alone.  You're coming too.
+TURK, what are you doing here?	Special Needs class.
+Special Needs class.	Being a jerk doesn't make you special.
+Being a jerk doesn't make you special.	You're just jealous.
+You're just jealous.	And, Ching Chong, you're not a Special Needs kid. You're just a foreign exchange student.
+Hey, Turk rescued you from the nerd. You're in!	I'll talk to you later.
+HARRY, I heard Collins has you in some kind of special class.	If dou're trying to get in, dou're doo late.
+If dou're trying to get in, dou're doo late.	Oh no, I know that class isn't for me. But I'm happy for you guys.
+Why ith dat newth?	This school's never had one before. I'd like to talk to you and all your special friends.
+Yes, what?	Don't answer me. Say what I say.
+Well I was born in St. Louis.	Do you want me to pet your head?
+What are you doing here?	Checking up on my friend, Harry.
+Checking up on my friend, Harry.	Oh Harry's doing just fine, he's just about to open up.
+What?	"You know, ""some"". The fag stuff."
+"You know, ""some"". The fag stuff."	HARRY and I have been talking about school. In fact, I want to ask you something.
+HARRY and I have been talking about school. In fact, I want to ask you something.	I know, you want go for a ride.
+Where'd that come from? He holds up a giant key chain.	Come on, I live with the janitor. I have a key to every room in the school.
+Come on, I live with the janitor. I have a key to every room in the school.	So could you get us into the principal's office?
+So could you get us into the principal's office?	Principal's office? Yeah, I guess I can swing that.
+So, when can we do it?	Tomorrow night?
+Oh, baby, you're the bestest.	Oh, go on.
+Well, something stinks.	Maybe it's this mix tape I made you. Or maybe these flowers. He gives Jessica the flowers and tape.
+Maybe it's this mix tape I made you. Or maybe these flowers. He gives Jessica the flowers and tape.	Uh, thanks. God I'm so excited! So, are you ready to take me to the principal's office? He whips out the key, she takes it.
+Uh, thanks. God I'm so excited! So, are you ready to take me to the principal's office? He whips out the key, she takes it.	So no small talk? Good, 'cause I don't know how to make that. Yep. Small talk. Not for me. Not a fan.  Got any hobbies? How 'bout this weather?
+What are you doing?	Let's just do it and get out of here.
+I'm so close I can feel it.	Me too. I'm almost there.
+Me too. I'm almost there.	That's it. I'm done.
+That's it. I'm done.	That was fast. Well, did you at least enjoy it?
+That was fast. Well, did you at least enjoy it?	No, it was a complete waste of time.
+No, it was a complete waste of time.	This is so embarrassing, it's never happened before. Well, maybe a couple of times, but I was alone.
+That's my boyfriend.	Boyfriend? What about all that talk about riding my waxer?
+Boyfriend? What about all that talk about riding my waxer?	Thanks, Lloyd. But I didn't find what I was looking for. Oh can you do me a favor and clean up? Collins can't know we were here.
+HARRY! Lloyd! You guys are a mess.	Looks like the best man won.
+... If I may quote the twentieth century poet  - Joe Piscahpo:  You look Marvelous...	LLOYD, when we were in Principal Collins's office, did you see any kind of chest?
+LLOYD, when we were in Principal Collins's office, did you see any kind of chest?	HARRY's treasure chest? Sure. I know where that is.
+Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I can take care of myself and I'm getting the story every high school reporter dreams of.	"""My dream date with Principal Collins."""
+He's going to be in jail for a long time.	Principal of jail. Wow. What a promotion.
+Well I need to get a job and you're telling me that if I join up - I can really come and go whenever I want?	You were born free and free you should remain.
+Do I know you?	Duh. I'm in your class at school.
+Duh. I'm in your class at school.	Oh my God, it's really you. You're HARRY's friend, right?
+Oh my God, it's really you. You're HARRY's friend, right?	"I don't know if you'd call us ""friends""..."
+"I don't know if you'd call us ""friends""..."	You really are a pirate.
+You really are a pirate.	Can you believe it?
+Can you believe it?	"So I'm an ""arrrrrs-hole"", eh Captain Rob?"
+"So I'm an ""arrrrrs-hole"", eh Captain Rob?"	What are you talking about?
+Hello, little orphan boy. What happened to you?	Skateboard.
+What? It's nothing, the cast comes off in six weeks.	Of course it does.  Obviously in denial.  Maybe we can help.
+How much homework is there?	That's the downside. There is none.
+That's the downside. There is none.	Wait a minute. I can spend the whole year in a class taught by the lunch lady? Can I bring my girlfriend?
+Wait a minute. I can spend the whole year in a class taught by the lunch lady? Can I bring my girlfriend?	You can bring whatever you want, little friend.
+Sure.	Go in there and get us two slushees.
+Go in there and get us two slushees.	Okay.
+Okay.	Do we have a deal?
+Do we have a deal?	Yeah, deal. Give me the two dollars.
+Yeah, deal. Give me the two dollars.	"Ha! I said ""doll-hairs."" Psych! But a deal's a deal, my friend. In you go."
+"Ha! I said ""doll-hairs."" Psych! But a deal's a deal, my friend. In you go."	Fine. Give me the doll hairs.
+Fine. Give me the doll hairs.	Uh-oh. Harry?
+Thanks for the grub, Mrs. D. Where's Mr. D?	He passed away three years ago.
+He passed away three years ago.	Well he missed a great pot of stew!
+Well he missed a great pot of stew!	It was meatloaf. You just put everything in your soup.
+It was meatloaf. You just put everything in your soup.	I liked it a lot.
+Hey you two. Lights out.	Hey can be on top?
+Mrs. D! I was hoping you'd show up.	Oh honey, I wouldn't miss this for the world.
+Oh honey, I wouldn't miss this for the world.	Have you got what I want?
+Have you got what I want?	You know I do!
+You know I do!	Oh yeah, give it to me.
+How was that?	It's too close to call.  Okay next contest, now lets...
+Senior year. My little boy. Who woulda thunk it?  You're a good kid, Lloyd. I don't say it enough, but I'm proud of you son.	Thanks, Pop.
+LLOYD, may I see you a minute?	Class, please study on your own. There seems to be a family emergency because there's no other reason why my father would interrupt me WHILE I'M WORKING!
+What are you crazy kids doing in my tool shed?	"We're not crazy. We're ""special"". PRINCIPAL COLLINS wants us to have our own classroom!"
+"We're not crazy. We're ""special"". PRINCIPAL COLLINS wants us to have our own classroom!"	My boy's special, well how about that. I knew you were different.
+My boy's special, well how about that. I knew you were different.	So I guess you'll need a new spot for your moonshine.
+So I guess you'll need a new spot for your moonshine.	I reckon so.
+Your assignment is to pick the class. Find some other students just as special as you.	Will that be on the midterm?
+Will that be on the midterm?	No.
+Sorry, Ms. Heller. I think they're used to me teaching.	"People! Come on. ""Parade"" float."
+That's not bad. How about a float of George Washington crossing the Delaware?	Or maybe crossing a river!
+Obviously.	So miss snoopy reporter girl, it appears that you've snooped yourself into a corner and snoopcuffed yourself to a desk. Whose wearing the Coconut bra now?
+Let's go Margie. The museum ain't going to teach itself.	Museum huh, haven't been there since my husband left me. I love art.
+Looking for a scoop, huh? I'll give you a scoop... of short bus.  Lose her!	Loser... oh yeah he was a loser alright. A big loser.
+Loser... oh yeah he was a loser alright. A big loser.	What?
+What?	He was a big loser! What are you deaf!?
+He was a big loser! What are you deaf!?	Uh, no and I don't appreciate...turn down here!
+That's great, now make a left, then straight!	Oh, yeah he was straight all right, just wasn't very good in the sack. I used to give him directions. Higher, lower, faster, harder, small circles, do the alphabet. Useless.
+Left here! Left!	You bet I left him, took the dog and we was history.
+Ha! Too big to make the turn!	No, it actually fit quite nicely.  Well, except for the fact that it wasn't really as long as it was wide.
+I think you did it.	Damn right I did it. Went back and set the house on fire, his little floozy testified in court - and I ended up doing ten years at Rikers, got my teeth knocked out by Mike the Dyke.
+Damn right I did it. Went back and set the house on fire, his little floozy testified in court - and I ended up doing ten years at Rikers, got my teeth knocked out by Mike the Dyke.	What the hell are you talking about?
+I'm not sure if I can do this.	Sure you can. We gotta nail this guy. You'll be fine.
+Sure you can. We gotta nail this guy. You'll be fine.	Collins can be a pretty crafty guy, what do I do if he smells the trap.
+Collins can be a pretty crafty guy, what do I do if he smells the trap.	I don't think he'll smell anything - just make sure he takes the check. I've been through this a hundred times.
+I don't think he'll smell anything - just make sure he takes the check. I've been through this a hundred times.	Well you know Detective, he's expecting  'Moffit' to be someone who has... certain... well...
+Well you know Detective, he's expecting  'Moffit' to be someone who has... certain... well...	Yeah, I get it. Don't worry I studied acting at the police academy just let me do the talking and you'll be fine.
+I am strong!	Yes you are.
+I can turn on all the faucets in my house.  Even the hose.	But we don't drink from the house do we.
+"... and, Principal Collins, you'll be pleased to know that this year Wednesdays are ""South of the Border"" days. We'll serve a spicy tuna tamale along with a cheese quesadilla."	Good. Good. Good. Well, that's good.
+God, I've missed you.	And I you.
+You know honey, I've finally figured out a way of bilking enough money from the school to get us that condo in Waikiki.	How baby-cakes? You've done it all.
+How baby-cakes? You've done it all.	Small potatoes. This one is big time. This is visionary. This idea is genius.
+It's the big potato.	Yes, it's the big potato. Just have a look at this.
+Anyway, the state is giving a hundred thousand dollars in his name to every school that has a Special Needs class.	Oh, this is fantastic. So all we have to do is kill this Moffit guy and we get all the money!
+Oh, this is fantastic. So all we have to do is kill this Moffit guy and we get all the money!	No. No. That's not it. We don't kill him. We don't kill anybody. But I like the way you're thinking. You're focused and you're trying to follow. No, what we need to do is start a fake Special Needs class.
+No. No. That's not it. We don't kill him. We don't kill anybody. But I like the way you're thinking. You're focused and you're trying to follow. No, what we need to do is start a fake Special Needs class.	We start our own class?
+We start our own class?	Maybe someday. Aloha cold weather, aloha hot weather.
+"You said ""aloha"" twice."	Aloha means hello and goodbye.
+Aloha means hello and goodbye.	Oh wow. Look at you.
+Times two.	I think you'll make a good teacher.
+To take a picture for Superintendent Zimmer?	Yes!
+So far so good. We'll need more pictures. Why don't you take them on a field trip tomorrow.	And...?
+And...?	And, take some more pictures.
+And, take some more pictures.	Wow, you are smart.
+Wow, you are smart.	And you are great in bed.
+Knock knock.	Who's there?
+Who's there?	"Guess what""s under these coconuts."
+"Guess what""s under these coconuts."	What?
+What?	It's a surprise.
+It's a surprise.	Well I've got a little surprise for you.
+Well I've got a little surprise for you.	You got the Extender?
+You got the Extender?	No. No. I heard from Superintendent ZIMMER this morning and evidently he's so impressed with our Special Needs class, he's bringing Richard MOFFIT himself to the Thanksgiving Day parade- check in hand.
+No. No. I heard from Superintendent ZIMMER this morning and evidently he's so impressed with our Special Needs class, he's bringing Richard MOFFIT himself to the Thanksgiving Day parade- check in hand.	Monkey, this is too exciting! I can't believe our dream is coming true.
+So what do you keep in there?	Oh, things. Photos. Tapes. I tape everything that goes on in this office.
+Oh, things. Photos. Tapes. I tape everything that goes on in this office.	Everything?
+Everything?	Everything. Just for the record.
+Oh, just like the President.	Just like the President.
+Baby, I'm going to spend the morning at the mall. You know, shop for Waikiki. Honey, what are you looking for?	The chest! The chest that I put my papers in.
+The chest! The chest that I put my papers in.	What papers?
+What papers?	The documents. The photos! The tapes! The evidence.
+The documents. The photos! The tapes! The evidence.	The evidence of what?
+The evidence of what?	Sweetheart keep up with me for half a minute. The evidence of every scam we ever pulled. The evidence that's going to put us away for twenty years.
+Where is it?	I don't know where it is. It's not here. It's been stolen.
+I don't know where it is. It's not here. It's been stolen.	Wait a minute, I think I know who stole it.
+Wait a minute, I think I know who stole it.	No you don't know who stole it. Just let me do the thinking.
+It was Jessica. That girl who tried to follow me on the field trip.	JESSICA. Are you sure?
+JESSICA. Are you sure?	She's been snooping around a lot, asking questions.
+She's been snooping around a lot, asking questions.	Okay, I'll take care of Jessica.
+Okay, I'll take care of Jessica.	Are you going to kill her?
+Are you going to kill her?	Why don't you see to it the kids are ready for the parade tomorrow. I have to pay somebody a little visit.
+So the chest is still out there somewhere.	Yes. So as soon as Zimmer shows up, we'll get our check and blow this pop stand before anyone finds out anything.
+Yes. So as soon as Zimmer shows up, we'll get our check and blow this pop stand before anyone finds out anything.	This band sounds terrible.
+I sold all the wind instruments.  Hawaiian Air, business class. And you like that new fur coat?	Love it!
+Love it!	Well there's a reason why that mascot isn't a stallion anymore.
+This is horse?	No... no it's not horse, you see I sold the horse.
+My Lord!	Piter.
+The Atreides will be leaving Caladan soon, Baron, and I have here your answer from Duke Leto.	What does Leto say, Piter?
+What does Leto say, Piter?	He wishes to inform you that Vendetta -- as he puts it, using the ancient tongue, the art of Kanly -- is still alive. He does not wish to meet or speak with you.
+He wishes to inform you that Vendetta -- as he puts it, using the ancient tongue, the art of Kanly -- is still alive. He does not wish to meet or speak with you.	I made my peace gesture... the forms of Kanly have been obeyed.
+It was Feyd?  It was Feyd!  Where is the ducal signet ring?  I must have his ring.	The ring?... he was brought to us as is, Baron.  I...
+The ring?... he was brought to us as is, Baron.  I...	You killed the doctor too soon, you fool!
+So you are Dr. Kynes, the Imperial Ecologist?	I prefer the more ancient term, planetologist... Noble Born.
+I prefer the more ancient term, planetologist... Noble Born.	This is my son, Paul.
+I understand we have you to thank for these stillsuits, Doctor.	They are Fremen suits. I hope they fit well, my lord.
+My thanks.	With your permission...
+What happens now?	The carryall will come and lift off the spice harvester. Try and get in close over the harvester... you'll find this interesting Sire. -- The Duke accelerates the ornithopter in the direction of the harvester. Paul can SEE...
+What's that you're saying?	Nothing.
+A Third Stage Guild Navigator will be here within minutes!	We felt his presence.
+We felt his presence.	I shall want telepathy during his visit and a report when we're finished.
+I shall want telepathy during his visit and a report when we're finished.	Their minds are so.... They move in strange directions....
+Their minds are so.... They move in strange directions....	Yes?
+Yes?	Forced spice evolution of humans changes many things.... I must sit close to him.
+Forced spice evolution of humans changes many things.... I must sit close to him.	He will not permit anyone but me to see him. You must be outside this room.... Do what you can.
+He will not permit anyone but me to see him. You must be outside this room.... Do what you can.	I am your Truthsayer, my lord...  He is here, my lord.
+Yes, my Lord.	We are alone...
+We have just folded space from Ix...	Yes?... How was your journey?
+Yes?... How was your journey?	Many machines on Ix... new machines.
+Many machines on Ix... new machines.	Oh yes? -- NAVIGATOR Better than those on Richesse.. You are transparent... I see many things... I see plans within plans.
+I see two Great Houses -- House Atreides, House Harkonnen -- feuding... I see you behind it.	Yes.
+You must share with us. -- EMPEROR The Atreides house is building a secret army!... using a technique unknown to us... a technique involving sound. The Duke is becoming more popular in the Landsraad... he could threaten me.... I have ordered House Atreides to occupy Arrakis to mine the spice... thus replacing their enemies the Harkonnens.... House Atreides will not refuse because of the tremendous power they think they will gain. Then, at an appointed time Baron Harkonnen will return to Arrakis and launch a sneak attack on House Atreides... I have promised the Baron five legions of my Sardaukar terror troops.	So the Harkonnens will rid you of House Atreides...
+So the Harkonnens will rid you of House Atreides...	Yes.
+Can you hear me?... If this visit has anything to do with spice... -- The Guild Navigator shudders and swishes quite violently in his tank.	LISTEN TO ME!! The spice must flow... the spice has given me accelerated evolution for four thousand years... it has enabled you to live two hundred years... the spice helps make the sapho juice, which gives the red-lipped mentats the ability to be living computers... the secret side of spice... the water of life.
+I can assure you...	Do not interrupt!!! Do not speak lightly of the spice... ONE SMALL POINT...
+So, this is Leto the Just...	"I hope I made myself clear. You may call him ""The Duke,"" ""My lord,"" or ""Sire."" And there is a more ancient term you might keep in mind -- ""Noble Born."""
+"I hope I made myself clear. You may call him ""The Duke,"" ""My lord,"" or ""Sire."" And there is a more ancient term you might keep in mind -- ""Noble Born."""	Play out your little comedy while you can off-worlders...
+The Duke is to be addresses as... -- Kynes comes forward and adjusts the Duke's suit, checking seals and pulling on straps.	Basically...
+Basically...	Sire!
+Yes, Sire.	It's a high-efficiency filter and heat exchange system. Perspiration passes through the first layer and is gathered in the second. The salt is separated. Breathing and walking provide the pumping action. The reclaimed water circulates to catchpockets from which you can drink through this tube at your neck. Urine and feces are processed in the thigh pads. Should you be in the open desert, remember to breathe in through your mouth, out through the nose tubes.
+Dust cloud ahead, Sire.	That's it... spice mining... no other cloud quite like it. See the spotters over it? They're watching for wormsign... the telltale sand waves. Seismic probes on the surface, too Sire... worms can travel too deep for their waves to show... Looks like a good patch of spice.
+No music. I'm packing this for the crossing. Shield practice.	Shield practice? Gurney... we had practice -- this morning..... I'm not in the mood.
+Shield practice? Gurney... we had practice -- this morning..... I'm not in the mood.	Not in the mood?! Mood's a thing for cattle and love play... not fighting.
+Not in the mood?! Mood's a thing for cattle and love play... not fighting.	I'm sorry Gurney.
+I'm sorry Gurney.	Not sorry enough.
+What's gotten into Gurney? He's not faking. Paul presses forward and the fight moves quickly around the room. The smell of ozone grows stronger as the shields hit and SPARK off one another. Paul directs a parry downwards, turns, and leads Gurney against the table, plunging at just the right moment to pin Gurney against the table top with his blade right at Gurney's neck.	Is this what you seek?
+Is this what you seek?	Good... the slow blade penetrates the shield... but look down.
+"We'd have joined each other in death. However, you did seem to finally get the ""mood""."	Would you really have drawn my blood?
+Would you really have drawn my blood?	If you'd fought one whit below your abilities I'd have scratched you a good one.
+Things have been so serious here lately.	Yes. I sensed the play in you lad, but this can no longer be play. Tomorrow we leave for Arrakis! Arrakis is real. The Harkonnens are real.
+You've no need of your weapons with me Gurney Halleck.	Paul!!  Paul!!
+Paul!!  Paul!!	Don't you trust your own eyes.
+Don't you trust your own eyes.	They said you were dead.  They said...
+Gurney... I see Thufir Hawat among the captives.  Let him stand free.	My Lord?
+My Lord?	Let him stand free!
+This is a Harkonnen animal.  Let me, please, my Lord.	The Emperor's blade.
+Perhaps these are the ones Mapes told us of.	Are you trained in the ways of the desert?
+Are you trained in the ways of the desert?	No, but many consider my training valuable.
+No, but many consider my training valuable.	I will take the boy-man... he shall have sanctuary in my tribe... -- A LOW NOTE on a dip stick is blown by one of the Fremen tribe.  Jessica shifts, Paul sees it, and just as Stilgar begins a reach for his weapon, Jessica turns, slashes out, utters a SOUND, whirls again and with rock behind her holds Stilgar helpless in front of her -- her hand at his throat. Paul moves on her first move.  He races up a rocky incline.
+Stop!  Get back!!  She has the weirding way.  Why didn't you tell us!  Great gods... if you can do this to the strongest of us you're worth ten times your weight of water.  As a leader of my people I give you my bond: teach us this weirding way and you both shall have sanctuary.  Your water shall mingle with our water.	Then I will teach you our way of battle....  you have the word bond of a Bene Gesserit.
+Sayyadina.  Our Reverend Mother tells me she is too old... She has been calling through space and time for you to come and let her rest.  She asks that you pass within.	They want me to take the Water of Life... the Truthsayer drug... so dangerous, yet... we must move swiftly if we're to secure our place among these Fremen.  I will try to pass within.
+They want me to take the Water of Life... the Truthsayer drug... so dangerous, yet... we must move swiftly if we're to secure our place among these Fremen.  I will try to pass within.	Death may be the result....  Are you sure?
+Death may be the result....  Are you sure?	I must do this for Paul, but what of my unborn child?
+You know the ancient tongues?	I know the Bhotani Jib and Chakobsa, all the hunting languages.
+I know the Bhotani Jib and Chakobsa, all the hunting languages.	As the legend says.
+As the legend says.	That's it! The Missionaria Protectiva has been here planting protective legends against a day of Bene Gesserit need. And that day has come. I must play out this sham.  I know the Dark things and the way of the Great Mother. Miseces prejin.
+Do you know this my lady?	It could only be one thing....  It's a crysknife.
+It could only be one thing....  It's a crysknife.	Say it not lightly...  Do you know its meaning?
+Say it not lightly...  Do you know its meaning?	Here is why this Fremen has taken service with me, to ask that one question. Delay is as dangerous as the wrong answer. Shadout is Chakobsa... knife, in Chakobsa is... maker of death.  It's a maker...
+Maker?... Maker is the key word... the tooth of the worm? That was close...  Did you think that I, knowing the mysteries of the Great Mother, would not know the maker?	My lady, when one has lived with prophecy for so long, the moment of revelation is a shock.
+Paul, this is the Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam. She is going to... observe you...  Please... -- REVEREND MOTHER Jessica, you know it must be done. I enjoin you to stand guard at the door and practice the meditation of peace.	Your Reverence.
+Your Reverence.	What does she fear?  What about my Father?
+What does she fear?  What about my Father?	Paul... please, Paul... listen to the Reverend Mother and do what she tells you.
+Don't touch my mother...	Oh great mother!  He's trying the voice. The Reverend Mother said it could save him.
+Remove her gag!	Excellent!
+I can't maintain any altitude... we'll never reach the safety of rock.  Maybe that small rock.	Where are we do you think?
+Where are we do you think?	The South Polar regions... the forbidden area.  We must make it to that rock...
+A million deaths are not enough for Yueh...	Where are my feelings... I feel for no one...
+Listen to me!... you wanted to know about my dreams... and I've just had a waking dream... do you know why?... -- JESSICA Calm yourself/	The spice!  It's in everything here.  The air, the soil, the food...  It's like the Truthsayer drug.....  It's a poison!!!! You knew the spice would change me.  But thanks to your teachings it's changed my consciousness.  I can see it... I can see it.
+The spice!  It's in everything here.  The air, the soil, the food...  It's like the Truthsayer drug.....  It's a poison!!!! You knew the spice would change me.  But thanks to your teachings it's changed my consciousness.  I can see it... I can see it.	Is he....?
+Is he....?	You carry my unborn sister in your womb!
+You carry my unborn sister in your womb!	He knows.
+He knows.	You and your Bene Gesserit sisterhood... I'm not your Kwisatz Haderach...  I'm something different, something unexpected!  I'm a seed.  I am so much more...  You don't begin to know me...
+It's further than I thought... a worm is sure to come....  I'll plant a thumper, that should divert it. -- Paul moves off into the shadows.  Suddenly, Jessica SEES a burst of LIGHTNING illuminate the mountain of rock in the distant and the vast dunes before them.	...the night is a tunnel... a hole into tomorrow... if we're to have a tomorrow...
+Remember... walk without rhythm and we won't attract a worm... it'll go to the thumper.	I'm ready.
+Run!	I can't... I can't.
+Cinnamon... the spice!  Do you smell it?	Yes...
+Yes...	I know the secret.  The worm is the spice... the spice is the worm.
+What's happened?...  Why did it leave?	Someone started another thumper....  We're not alone.
+Man-carved steps.	Yes...
+Stop him yourself.	You saw a part of what the race needs in the beginning.  In time you perverted the truth.  You sought to control human breeding and intermix a select few according to a selfish master plan.  How little you understand.
+Are you a Fremen?	I am a servant of the His Majesty the Emperor. I have served His Majesty on Arrakis long enough for my eyes to change.
+I am a servant of the His Majesty the Emperor. I have served His Majesty on Arrakis long enough for my eyes to change.	He's hiding something.
+You've worn a stillsuit before?	No.
+No.	Your suit is fitted desert fashion. Who told you how to do that?
+Your suit is fitted desert fashion. Who told you how to do that?	No one. It... seemed the proper way.
+No one. It... seemed the proper way.	That it is.  He shall know your ways as if born to them.
+Will we see a worm?	Where there is spice and spice mining there are always worms.
+Where there is spice and spice mining there are always worms.	Always?
+Always?	Always.
+Always.	Why do they come?
+Why do they come?	To protect their territory. Vibrations attract them. -- PAUL  I've registered him now... a knife is a sheath on his left arm... He's strong... a person born to command... He's hiding many things.  Is there a relationship between the worms and the spice?
+Spice!... pure un-refined spice!	Bless the Maker and his water... Bless the coming and going of him.  May his passage cleanse the world.
+Liet?	You are about to witness something few have seen -- watch!  Watch!
+You have strength... real strength... You shall be known as Usul, which is the strength of the base of the pillar.  This is your secret name in our troop.  But you must choose the name of manhood which we will call you openly.	What do you call the mouse shadow in the second moon?
+What do you call the mouse shadow in the second moon?	We call that one Muad'dib.
+We call that one Muad'dib.	Could I be known as Paul Muad'dib?
+Could I be known as Paul Muad'dib?	You are Paul Muad'dib, and your mother shall be a Sayyadina among us....  We welcome you.
+Water on Arrakis!!! I have seen this place in a dream.  A treasure.	Greater than treasure, Usul.  We have thousands of such caches.  Only a few of us know them all.  When we have enough... we shall change the face of Arrakis. Listen!...
+The Water of Life.	The most lethal poison in the Universe.
+My own name is a killing word.  Will it be a healing word as well?	Usul... these are fifteen of our fiercest fighters to serve you as your guard... the Fedaykin.
+We surprised a band of smugglers.	Too bad... thought they were Harkonnen.
+Long live the fighters!	Long live the fighters!
+What's in the box?	Pain.
+The Voice again.	I hold at your neck the gom jabbar. Don't pull away or you'll feel that poison. A Duke's son must know about many poisons -- this one kills only animals.
+I hold at your neck the gom jabbar. Don't pull away or you'll feel that poison. A Duke's son must know about many poisons -- this one kills only animals.	Are you suggesting a Duke's son is an animal?
+Are you suggesting a Duke's son is an animal?	Let us say I suggest you may be human. Your awareness may be powerful enough to control your instincts. Your instincts will be to remove your hand from the box. If you do so you will die. You will feel an itching -- there... see? Now the itching becomes burning... heat, upon heat, upon heat.
+Let us say I suggest you may be human. Your awareness may be powerful enough to control your instincts. Your instincts will be to remove your hand from the box. If you do so you will die. You will feel an itching -- there... see? Now the itching becomes burning... heat, upon heat, upon heat.	It burns.
+It burns.	SILENCE... SILENCE.
+SILENCE... SILENCE.	I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear... I will permit it to pass over me and through me. -- The Reverend Mother moves her face up to his. Her ancient face with its metal teeth gleaming inches away breathes hotly. She is smiling.
+I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear... I will permit it to pass over me and through me. -- The Reverend Mother moves her face up to his. Her ancient face with its metal teeth gleaming inches away breathes hotly. She is smiling.	You feel the flesh crisping?
+THE PAIN!	NO!! ENOUGH!! Kull wahad! No woman child ever withstood that much. I must have wanted you to fail. Take your hand out of the box and look at it, young human.... Do it!
+Pain by nerve induction... A human can resist any pain. Our test is crisis and observation.	I see the truth of it. -- REVEREND MOTHER  Could he be the one?... Maybe... but will he be ours to control?  You know when people speak the truth?
+Your mother wants you to tell me about your dreams. I only want to know one thing.... Do they come true?	Not all of them... I know which ones will.
+Not all of them... I know which ones will.	Perhaps you are the Kwisatz Haderach.
+Perhaps you are the Kwisatz Haderach.	What is it?
+What is it?	The person who can be many places at once... the one who bridges space and time.... He will look where we cannot.
+The person who can be many places at once... the one who bridges space and time.... He will look where we cannot.	Where?
+Where?	Do you know of the Water of Life?... the Truthsayer drug?
+Do you know of the Water of Life?... the Truthsayer drug?	I have heard of it. -- REVEREND MOTHER It is very dangerous... very painful. The Bene Gesserit sisterhood drink it to see within.... There is a place terrifying to us... to women. It is said a man will come... the Kwisatz Haderach... he will go where we cannot... Many men have tried...
+I have heard of it. -- REVEREND MOTHER It is very dangerous... very painful. The Bene Gesserit sisterhood drink it to see within.... There is a place terrifying to us... to women. It is said a man will come... the Kwisatz Haderach... he will go where we cannot... Many men have tried...	Did they try and fail?
+Did they try and fail?	They tried and died....  Jessica!
+I sense your teachings in him. Ignore the regular order of training. His safety requires The Voice.	I've heard enough of my safety... What about my father?... I heard you talking. You speak as if he was dead. Well, he isn't!
+Well he isn't... and he won't die... Tell me he won't die!	What can be done has been done.
+What can be done has been done.	MOTHER! Tell me!
+... Many men have tried.	Did they try and fail?
+Did they try and fail?	They tried and died.
+Don't try your powers on me.  Try looking into that place where you dare not look. You'll find me there staring back at you!! You Bene Gesserit have waited ninety generations to produce the one person your schemes required.  Here I stand.  But... I will never be yours.	Stop him, Jessica!
+You mustn't speak of...	SILENCE!
+I heard you, Dr. Yueh and Gurney coming down the hall.	Those sounds could be imitated.
+Those sounds could be imitated.	I'd know the difference.
+Yes. Perhaps he would at that.	My father sent you to test me. Music then?
+Many dangers exist on Arrakis. For one, we know the Harkonnens would not have given up their CHOAM company contract so easily.	The Harkonnens are our enemies, yes... but behind them, I suspect, is the Emperor. -- THUFIR You will make a formidable Duke!
+Now remember... the first step in avoiding a trap is knowing of its existence.	I know.  But if it is a trap then why are we going?
+I know.  But if it is a trap then why are we going?	We have our new army.  Dr. Yueh, put the weirding module on him.
+Greetings.  I am the Count.	Greetings.  I am Slick Slomopavitz, Seeker of Adventure.
+Say, that's a funny place to sleep.	It is my home.
+It is my home.	Oh, tract housing, huh?  I guess I shouldn't complain about my duplex in Burbank.  What a dump. Some places have a Murphy bed, this place has a Murphy shower.  I still don't know where to hang the towels!
+Uh, beg to differ.	"""Beg to differ?!""  Hey, I'm talkin' about my duplex in Burbank!"
+"""Beg to differ?!""  Hey, I'm talkin' about my duplex in Burbank!"	Uh, Greetings.  I am the Count...
+Mr. Lugosi!  It is an unparalleled privilege to meet you.  Allow me to introduce myself... I am CRISWELL!	It's a pleasure...
+It's a pleasure...	Ah, cheer up!   Don't lose heart over what happened tonight.  I predict that your next project will be an outstanding success!
+Bring me two more Beefeater martinis. Eddie will have another whiskey, Dagmar's a Rum-and-coke, Moustapha and King are chablis -- hey Bela, would you like a wine?	No.  I never drink -- wine.
+So you sleep in coffins?!	Yes.  There is nothing more comfortable.
+Yes.  There is nothing more comfortable.	I can't believe this!  I sleep in coffins!
+I can't believe this!  I sleep in coffins!	No.
+No.	YES!  My father ran a mortuary -- it's an old habit!
+Eddie, where are we?  We passed that carwash twenty minutes ago.	I predict we're lost.
+Excuse me, Mr. Lugosi??	I told you, I don't want any of your goddamn coffins.
+I told you, I don't want any of your goddamn coffins.	No.  I don't work here.
+No.  I don't work here.	Huh?
+Who are you?  What do you want?	I don't want anything.  I'm just a really big, big fan.  I've seen all your movies.
+I don't want anything.  I'm just a really big, big fan.  I've seen all your movies.	Ha!
+Why were you buying a coffin?	Because I'm planning on dying soon.
+Because I'm planning on dying soon.	Really?
+Really?	"Yes.  I'm embarking on another bus- andótruck tour of ""Dracula."" Twelve cities in ten days, if that's conceivable."
+"You know, I saw you perform ""Dracula.""  In Poughkeepsie, in 1938."	Eh, that was a terrible production. Renfield was a drunk!
+Eh, that was a terrible production. Renfield was a drunk!	I thought it was great.  You were much scarier in real life than you were in the movie.
+I thought it was great.  You were much scarier in real life than you were in the movie.	Thank you.
+Thank you.	I waited to get your autograph, but you never came outside.
+I waited to get your autograph, but you never came outside.	I apologize.  When I play Dracula, I put myself into a trance.  It takes me much time to re-emerge.
+Oh, there's my bus.  Shit, where's my transfer?!	Don't you bave a car?
+Don't you bave a car?	I refuse to drive in this country. Too many madmen.
+Boy, Mr. Lugosi, you must lead such an exciting life.  When is your next picture coming out?	I have no next picture.
+I have no next picture.	Ah, you gotta be jokin'!  A great man like you... I'll bet you have dozens of 'em lined up.
+Ah, you gotta be jokin'!  A great man like you... I'll bet you have dozens of 'em lined up.	Back in the old days, yes.  But now -- no one give two fucks for Bela.
+But you're a big star!	No more.  I haven't worked in four years.  This town, it chews you up, then spits you out.  I'm just an ex-bogeyman.  Make a right.
+They don't want the classic horror films anymore.  Today, it's all giant bugs, giant spiders, giant grasshoppers -- who would believe such nonsense!	The old ones were much spookier. They had castles, full moons...
+The old ones were much spookier. They had castles, full moons...	They were mythic.  They had a poetry to them.  And you know what else?  The women prefer the traditional monsters.
+They were mythic.  They had a poetry to them.  And you know what else?  The women prefer the traditional monsters.	The women?
+The women?	The pure horror, it both repels and attracts them.  Because in their collective unconsciousness, they have the agony of childbirth.  The blood. The blood is horror.
+The pure horror, it both repels and attracts them.  Because in their collective unconsciousness, they have the agony of childbirth.  The blood. The blood is horror.	I never thought of that.
+I never thought of that.	"Take my word for it.  You want to ""score"" with a young lady, you take her to see ""Dracula."""
+Shh!  I'm coming!  I will feed you!	Well... I guess I should go.  Perhaps we could get together again?
+Well... I guess I should go.  Perhaps we could get together again?	Certainly.  But now the children of the night are calling me.
+Ugh!  I hate the way she interrupts the pictures.  She doesn't show 'em the proper respect.	I think she's a honey.  Look at those jugs.
+Vampira!  You will come under my spell!  You will be my slave of love.	Hey Bela, how do you do that?
+Hey Bela, how do you do that?	You must be double-jointed, and you must be Hungarian.  Vampira, look at me!  Stare into my eyes.
+I am getting tired.  I need to take my medicine.	Do you want me to get it for you?
+Do you want me to get it for you?	No thank you, Eddie.  I'll be alright.
+Are you sure this is okay?	Don't worry.  I do it every Halloween.
+Eddie, you got a new movie for me?!	Yeah, it's gonna be a great picture! You'll love your character!  Bunny, Bela's here.  Look, hit the bars, work some parties, and get me transvestites!  I need transvestites!
+Eddie, what kind of movie is this?	Well, It's about how people have two personalities.  The side they show to the world, and then the secret person they hide inside.
+Well, It's about how people have two personalities.  The side they show to the world, and then the secret person they hide inside.	Oh, like Jekyll and Hyde!  Ah, I've always wanted to play Jekyll and Hyde!  I'm looking forward to this production.
+Ehh, your part's a little different. You're like the God that looks down on all the characters, and oversees everything.	I don't understand.
+I don't understand.	Well... you control everyone's fate. You're like the puppetmaster.
+Well... you control everyone's fate. You're like the puppetmaster.	Ah, so I pull the strings!
+Ah, so I pull the strings!	"Yeah.  You pull the strings --  ""Pull the strings""... hey, that's pretty good!"
+Bela! It's so great to see you!  And eight o'clock on the dot.  Right on time!	I am always on time.
+I am always on time.	Of course!  Well, we got a big day planned for you... First, we're gonna start off a little easy, with you in that armchair over there.  Then, once you're up to speed and cooking, we'll reset and bring out the laboratory equipment --
+Of course!  Well, we got a big day planned for you... First, we're gonna start off a little easy, with you in that armchair over there.  Then, once you're up to speed and cooking, we'll reset and bring out the laboratory equipment --	Uh, Eddie, do you have my money?
+Uh, Eddie, do you have my money?	Huh?!  Oh yeah, of course.
+You're right, Bela.  Now Dracula, that's a part that takes acting.	Of course!  Dracula requires presence.  It's all in the voice, and the eyes, and the hand --
+Look, you seem a little agitated. Do you maybe wanna take a little break, go for a nice walk... and then we'll come back and shoot the scene?	BULLSHIT!  I am ready now!  Roll the camera!!
+How 'bout a western?  People love westerns.	But, I don't like horses.  Do I have to get on one?
+But, I don't like horses.  Do I have to get on one?	Eh, forget it.  What else is big?  Teenagers!  Jailbait pics!  Yeah... You got the juvenile delinquent, his girlfriend from the wrong side of the tracks --
+Eh, forget it.  What else is big?  Teenagers!  Jailbait pics!  Yeah... You got the juvenile delinquent, his girlfriend from the wrong side of the tracks --	Who do I play?
+Who do I play?	Uh, a cop.  NO!  You play the father. He's angry!  He doesn't like seeing his son -- no -- he doesn't like seeing his daughter behave this way!
+Uh, a cop.  NO!  You play the father. He's angry!  He doesn't like seeing his son -- no -- he doesn't like seeing his daughter behave this way!	Well... can't I play the romantic part?  I'm tired of always being the bad guy.  You know, back in Hungary, I played Romeo!  I would like to be the lover again -- me, in a boat, with the girl...
+"Sure.  Romance, that's great!  To engineer your comeback, we're gonna need a whole slate of pictures.  Once ""Glen Or Glenda"" takes off, we'll slam you into one, then another, then another!"	That's good.  I could use the money.
+That's good.  I could use the money.	But we need to start off with a bang! Something we know the audience will want to see.  Mmm.  What was your biggest hit?
+But we need to start off with a bang! Something we know the audience will want to see.  Mmm.  What was your biggest hit?	"Hmm... my biggest hit?  That would probably be ""Dracula."""
+"Hmm... my biggest hit?  That would probably be ""Dracula."""	Of course!
+Those bastards at Universal.  I made so much money for them, and now I can't get the time of day.	"So let's make another ""Dracula."" Let's make ""The Return of Dracula""!"
+"So let's make another ""Dracula."" Let's make ""The Return of Dracula""!"	We can't.  Those sons-a-bitches control the rights.
+We can't.  Those sons-a-bitches control the rights.	They do?  Shoot.  There must be a way to get around that...
+Ha-ha!  Dr. Acula!	Dracula?
+Dracula?	No!  Doctor Acula!  You can still wear the cape, have the fangs... but you're a doctor!  Not a count.
+No!  Doctor Acula!  You can still wear the cape, have the fangs... but you're a doctor!  Not a count.	Ah!  This is very exciting.
+Ah!  This is very exciting.	I gotta type this up, while it's still fresh!
+Bela, what happened?!	I didn't feel well...
+I didn't feel well...	Let me take you to the hospital.
+Let me take you to the hospital.	No hospital.  Just take me to the couch...
+Should I call a doctor?	Nah.  This happens all the time...
+Is there anything I can get you? Water?  A blanket?	Goulash.
+Goulash.	I don't know how to make goulash.
+What's in the needle?	Morphine, with a demerol chaser.  Eddie, I'm so broke.  I don't know what I'm gonna do...
+Morphine, with a demerol chaser.  Eddie, I'm so broke.  I don't know what I'm gonna do...	Don't worry.  I'll do something.
+"""Greetings.  I am the Count."""	"""Greetings.  I am Slick Slomopavitz, Seeker of Adventure."" Audience laughs.  Applause.  ""Say, that's a funny place to sleep."""
+"""Greetings.  I am Slick Slomopavitz, Seeker of Adventure."" Audience laughs.  Applause.  ""Say, that's a funny place to sleep."""	"""It is my home."""
+"""It is my home."""	"""Oh, tract housing, huh?""  Laugh. ""You need a new real estate agent."""
+"""Oh, tract housing, huh?""  Laugh. ""You need a new real estate agent."""	"""Beg to differ.  This casket incarpratates, er, inporporates --"""
+"No Bela, that's ""incorporates.""  Look, just say ""This casket has..."""	Ach!  How do they expect a Hungarian to pronounce this dialogue?  This live television is madness!
+Bela, don't worry.  You're better than all this crap.	I never said I could ad-lib...
+I never said I could ad-lib...	Forget about it.  We'll make our new movie, and you'll be a star again.
+Goodbye!  Goodbye!	So how'd we do?
+So how'd we do?	We didn't make a dime.
+Bela, are you ready?	Mmph?  Where am I?
+Mmph?  Where am I?	"You're shooting ""Bride Of The Atom."" Scene 85."
+You'll be sitting on the right.	"I'm not getting near that goddamn thing.  One of those burned me on ""The Return Of Chandu."""
+"I'm not getting near that goddamn thing.  One of those burned me on ""The Return Of Chandu."""	Okay.  Then you'll be sitting on the left.
+"""Dear, you are a woman of super strength and beauty.  A lovely vision of exquisitely beauty -- shit!""  Damn!  Eddie, I'm sorry I can't remember all this.  I'm an old man. It's too long."	"That's fine, Bela.  We're still rolling.  Just say ""Dear, you're lovely."""
+"That's fine, Bela.  We're still rolling.  Just say ""Dear, you're lovely."""	"""Dear, you're lovely.""  ""Strap her to the table."""
+Bela, I don't know what I'm doin' anymore...	Stop worrying.  This is going to raise your spirits.
+What is this place?	This is the Philosophical Research Society.  A refuge for free thinkers. I've been coming here for twenty years.
+Was I wrong to cast Loretta?	Bad decisions are easy to live with. Forget.  Just keep looking forward.
+Bad decisions are easy to live with. Forget.  Just keep looking forward.	But was it a bad decision?  At the time, I thought her money would save the movie.
+But was it a bad decision?  At the time, I thought her money would save the movie.	Eddie, you screwed up.
+Eddie, you screwed up.	Yeah, I did.
+In life, the decisions that haunt you are the ones where you just don't know... where right or wrong will never be answered.  Years ago, the Hungarians contacted me.  The government wanted me to come home, to be Minister of Culture.	Really?
+Really?	It was a very impressive offer. Fancy offices, a big home... I'd be treated like a king.
+It was a very impressive offer. Fancy offices, a big home... I'd be treated like a king.	So why didn't you do it?
+So why didn't you do it?	I didn't know if it was a trick. They might arrest me and throw me in a gulag.  I am Hungary's most famous emigrant. they'd use me as a lesson to anyone who tries to leave.
+I didn't know if it was a trick. They might arrest me and throw me in a gulag.  I am Hungary's most famous emigrant. they'd use me as a lesson to anyone who tries to leave.	But maybe not.
+But maybe not.	Correct.  So instead, I stayed here, waiting for my comeback.  Always hoping... the next film, the next film... that would be the one.
+Eddie, I'm so tired... I don't know if I can handle a night shoot...	Nonsense!  You look great --  Look, uh, why don't you lie down and take a little nap?  We'll film around you for a while.
+Let's shoot this fucker!  Where do I go?	You'll be fighting with the octopus.
+You'll be fighting with the octopus.	Out there?!  What happened to the stream?
+Out there?!  What happened to the stream?	This'll look a lot better.  We have to match the stock footage of the octopus underwater.
+This'll look a lot better.  We have to match the stock footage of the octopus underwater.	Oh, for Christ's sake.
+Goddamn, it's cold!	Once you're in it, it warms up.
+Once you're in it, it warms up.	Fuck you!  You come out here.  Hey, toss me that J.D.
+Okay!  How do we turn this thing on?	Bela, somebody misplaced the motor. So when you wrestle the octopus, shake the legs a bit, to make it look like it's killing you.
+"Do you know I turned down ""Frankenstein""?"	Huh?
+Huh?	"After I did ""Dracula,"" the studio offered me ""Frankenstein""!  But I turned it down, the part wasn't sexy enough.  It was too degrading for a big star like me."
+Bela, I've got twenty-five scenes to shoot tonight.	Don't let me slow you down.
+Don't let me slow you down.	Alright!  Let's put it on film. CAMERA!  SOUND!
+Bela.  I just wanna thank you again for last night.	That's fine, Eddie.  All in the line of duty.
+That's fine, Eddie.  All in the line of duty.	No.  Seriously.  I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done for me.  A great man like you shouldn't have to run around in freezing water at four in the morning.
+No.  Seriously.  I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done for me.  A great man like you shouldn't have to run around in freezing water at four in the morning.	Well, there aren't too many other fellas I'd do it for...
+Well, there aren't too many other fellas I'd do it for...	I wrote something special for you. I got to thinking about all the sacrifices you've made... and so I wrote you a new final speech.
+Eddie, this is quite a scene.	I know it's a lot to give you at the last second.
+Why are you here??	Shit!  Bela, what's with the gun?
+Shit!  Bela, what's with the gun?	Why aren't you on your honeymoon? Where's Myrna?
+Why aren't you on your honeymoon? Where's Myrna?	Norma.  She changed her mind.  She doesn't wanna marry me.  Can you put down the gun?
+What are you doing?	I was thinking about killing myself.
+I was thinking about killing myself.	Jesus Christ, what an evening.  What happened?
+Jesus Christ, what an evening.  What happened?	Eddie, I received a letter from the government.  They're cutting off my unemployment.  That's all I've got. Without it, I can't pay the rent...
+Eddie, I received a letter from the government.  They're cutting off my unemployment.  That's all I've got. Without it, I can't pay the rent...	Don't you have any savings?
+Don't you have any savings?	I'm obsolete.  I have nothing to live for.  Tonight, I should die.  And you should come with me.
+Buddy, I don't know if that's such a good idea.	It'll be wonderful.  We'll be at peace.  In the afterlife, you don't have to worry about finding work.
+It'll be wonderful.  We'll be at peace.  In the afterlife, you don't have to worry about finding work.	Bela, I'm on your side.  C'mon, give me the gun...  If you give me the gun, I'll make you a drink.  What are you drinking?
+Bela, I'm on your side.  C'mon, give me the gun...  If you give me the gun, I'll make you a drink.  What are you drinking?	Formaldehyde.
+Don't worry.	I'm sorry, Eddie.  I'm so sorry.
+I'm sorry, Eddie.  I'm so sorry.	Don't worry.  Everything's gonna be all right.
+What happened?!	Isn't it wonderful?  After all these years, the press is showing an interest again in Bela Lugosi.
+Isn't it wonderful?  After all these years, the press is showing an interest again in Bela Lugosi.	Bela, they're parasites!  They just want to exploit you.
+Bela, they're parasites!  They just want to exploit you.	Fine.  Let them!  There is no such thing as bad press.  A man from New York even said he's putting me on the front page!  First celebrity to ever check into rehab.  When I get out of here, I will be healthy.  Strong!  I will be primed for my comeback!
+I've got some good news.  The doctor says you're all better.  You can come home.	Really?  I don't feel so great.
+Really?  I don't feel so great.	No, you look good.  And the tests came back fine.  C'mon...
+Eddie, I wanna make another picture. When are we gonna make another picture?	Soon, Bela... Soon.
+So Eddie, don't we need a sound crew?	No, this is just the second unit. We'll do the main footage later.
+No, this is just the second unit. We'll do the main footage later.	Oh.  So what is the scene about?
+Oh.  So what is the scene about?	Uh... you're a very important and respected man.  You're leaving your house... and you're in a hurry to a big social event.
+Okay.  But what if I'm not in too big a hurry?  What if I take a moment to slow down and savor the beauty of life?  To smell a flower?	That's great.  Let's do a take.
+And, cut...	Eddie, how was I?
+Eddie, how was I?	Perfect.
+Sorry...	Has anyone ever been to Downey?
+Last night was quite a romp.	Did you see that kid grab Vampira's tits?
+Did you see that kid grab Vampira's tits?	I envied him.  Hell, I envied you too, having a girlfriend that would jump in front of a car like that.
+I envied him.  Hell, I envied you too, having a girlfriend that would jump in front of a car like that.	Yeah, she's really somethin'.
+Yeah, she's really somethin'.	I know none of my wives would've.
+Eddie, I want to thank you.  These last few days have been a good time.	I just wish you coulda seen the movie.
+I just wish you coulda seen the movie.	No problem.  I know it by heart...
+So guess where I'm going next weekend?	I don't know.  Where?
+I don't know.  Where?	Mexico!  And guess what I'm going to do there?!
+Mexico!  And guess what I'm going to do there?!	I dunno.  Lie on the beach?
+I dunno.  Lie on the beach?	WRONG!  I'm getting my first series of hormone shots!  And once those babies kick in, they're gonna remove my organs, and MAKE ME A WOMAN!
+Jesus!  Are you serious?	Yes!  I've dreamed of it for years, but your movie made me realize I've got to take action.  GOODBYE, PENIS!
+I've never seen anything like him!	And once I'm a woman, Jean-Claude and I are getting married --
+And once I'm a woman, Jean-Claude and I are getting married --	Ssh!  He's so big!  He's a monster! Can you imagine what that guy would be like in a movie?
+This is gonna be Bela's laboratory, so it should be real impressive! Like one of those mad scientist movies.  I want beakers, and test tubes, and one of those electrical things that buzzes!	You mean a Tesla coil?
+You mean a Tesla coil?	If you say so.
+PLACES, EVERYONE!  ROLL CAMERA!	Rolling.
+And, CUT!  PRINT IT!  LET'S MOVE ON!	Don't you want a second take, for protection?
+Don't you want a second take, for protection?	What's to protect?  It was perfect!
+Um, okay... roll camera	Rolling.
+Rolling.	Sound!
+Which one is the red one?	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	I mean I can't see the difference. I'm color-blind.  But I like the dark gray one.
+Hey Ed, shouldn't we do another take? Big Baldy kinda got stuck in the doorway.	No, it's fine.  It's real!  In actuality, Lobo would struggle with that problem every day.
+I got the early edition!  It was just dropped off at the newsstand.	This is the big moment...!
+You really think so?	Absolutely!  It's just the beginning. I promise this: If we stick together, one day I'll make every single one of you famous.
+What happened?!  Jesus, Connie, what did you do?	Nothin'!  I told him he was great.
+What do you think you're doin'?!	These shoes are itchy.
+These shoes are itchy.	You can't sit!  You gotta walk around, with good posture.  You want these people to think we have class. Otherwise they'll never invest in our movie.
+You don't understand!  The octopus is supposed to live in a lake!	This is kind of a stream--
+This is kind of a stream--	NO!  It has to be UNDERWATER!
+Wow.	And who may you be?
+And who may you be?	Edward Wood, Sir.
+Edward Wood, Sir.	"Ah.  The director of ""Glen Or Glenda."""
+"Ah.  The director of ""Glen Or Glenda."""	H-how'd you know?!
+H-how'd you know?!	I'm Criswell.  I know all.
+Hey Cris, how'd you know we'd be living on Mars by 1970?  How'd you know it wouldn't be 1975, or even 1980?	I guessed.
+I guessed.	I don't understand.
+I don't understand.	I made it up.  It's horseshit!
+There's no such thing as a psychic. People believe my folderol because I wear a turban and a black tuxedo.	It's that easy?
+It's that easy?	Eddie, we're in show biz!  It's all about razzle-dazzle.  Appearances. If you dress nice and talk well, people will swallow anything.
+Bravo!  Bravo!  Magnifico!	Cris, you made it.  Thanks a lot.
+Cris, you made it.  Thanks a lot.	My pleasure.  I'm always happy to assist in a little larceny.
+Incidentally, you promise you're not going to scratch my car...?	I told you, the octopus is made of rubber.  This is a piece o' cake.
+Edward, are you sure you know what you're doing?	Yeah.  It seems a little crazy, but sometimes you just know.  She's perfect for me.
+Excuse me.  Doctor?  I'm with Mr. Lugosi.  How is he?	Well... there's a lot of junk in his system for such an old man. Apparently, he was addicted to morphine, tried to kick it, and got re-addicted to methadone.
+Well... there's a lot of junk in his system for such an old man. Apparently, he was addicted to morphine, tried to kick it, and got re-addicted to methadone.	Will he be okay?
+Will he be okay?	We'll do our best.
+We thought Mr. Lugosi was insured though the Screen Actors Guild.	Isn't he?
+Isn't he?	No.  They say his eligibility ran out years ago.
+No.  They say his eligibility ran out years ago.	Look, he doesn't have any money... but I'll give you everything I've got.  I have a few hundred dollars.
+Dolores, give me your shoes.	What?
+What?	The ghost can be barefoot.  Give me your shoes!
+Honey, what if I'm wrong?  What if I just don't have it?	Ed, it was only one review.
+Ed, it was only one review.	"Orson Welles was 26 when he made ""Citizen Kane.""  I'm already 30!"
+"Orson Welles was 26 when he made ""Citizen Kane.""  I'm already 30!"	Ed, you're still young.  This is the part of your life when you're supposed to be struggling.
+Ed, you're still young.  This is the part of your life when you're supposed to be struggling.	I know... But sometimes I get scared this is as good as it's gonna get...
+Eddie, I don't understand.  Why are you the most qualified director for the Christine Jorgensen Story?	Aw, er, it's just a bunch of hot air. I had to say something to get in the door.
+Sweetie, you won't believe it!  I've got the most incredible news!	You got the job?!!
+You got the job?!!	Huh?!  Oh, uh, no, I didn't get the job. But something better happened!
+Huh?!  Oh, uh, no, I didn't get the job. But something better happened!	Better than not getting a job?
+Better than not getting a job?	Yeah!  I met a movie star!  Somebody really big!
+Yeah!  I met a movie star!  Somebody really big!	Who?  Robert Taylor?!
+Who?  Robert Taylor?!	No!  A horror movie star!
+No!  A horror movie star!	Boris Karloff!?
+Boris Karloff!?	Close!  The other one!
+Close!  The other one!	You met Basil Rathbone!
+You met Basil Rathbone!	Oh, the hell with you.  I met BELA LUGOSI!
+Oh, the hell with you.  I met BELA LUGOSI!	I thought he was dead.
+No!  He's very alive.  Well... sort of.  He's old, and frail -- but he's still Bela Lugosi!  And he's really nice.	Boy, I can't even remember the last time he was in a picture.
+Boy, I can't even remember the last time he was in a picture.	It's a shame.  He's such a rest actor, and nobody uses him anymore.
+It's a shame.  He's such a rest actor, and nobody uses him anymore.	So did you get his autograph?
+Ed, I'm so proud!  I'll read it as soon as I get home.	Well, I'd really like to know what you think.  Why don't you go in the bedroom and take a look at it?  I'll Wait...
+How long have you been doing this?	Since I was a kid.  My mom wanted a girl, so she used to dress me in girlie clothing.  It just kinda became a habit.
+Since I was a kid.  My mom wanted a girl, so she used to dress me in girlie clothing.  It just kinda became a habit.	Jesus Christ!  And you never told me?
+Jesus Christ!  And you never told me?	This is my way of telling you --
+This is my way of telling you --	What, by putting it in a fuckin' script, for everyone to see?!  What kind of sick mind would operate like that?
+"And what about this so-called ""Barbara"" character?  It's obviously ME!  I'm so embarrassed!  This is our life!"	Of course it is.  And that's why you should play the part.
+Of course it is.  And that's why you should play the part.	Oh!  You got nerve, buddy.
+It's a damn good role.	That's not the issue!!  Ugh!  How can you act so casual, when you're dressed like that?!
+That's not the issue!!  Ugh!  How can you act so casual, when you're dressed like that?!	It takes me comfortable.
+It takes me comfortable.	Oh, just like in the script!
+How can you just walk around like that, in front of all these people?	Hon', nobody's bothered but you.  Look around -- they couldn't care less.
+Hon', nobody's bothered but you.  Look around -- they couldn't care less.	Ed, this isn't the real world! You've surrounded yourself with WEIRDOS!
+Ed, this isn't the real world! You've surrounded yourself with WEIRDOS!	Say it a little louder.  I don't think Bela heard you in his trailer.
+Ed, who is Daniel Davis?	Some weirdo who likes to wear dresses.
+From today on, our lives are different!  We'll be swimming laps in the same pool Jean Harlow did.	I don't know.  It's so much money...
+I don't know.  It's so much money...	Who cares?!  We're on a ROLL!  These are the moments in life you're supposed to grab.
+Who cares?!  We're on a ROLL!  These are the moments in life you're supposed to grab.	But Ed, we're not even married.  And you don't have a job.
+But Ed, we're not even married.  And you don't have a job.	But you do!  And anyway, I've got tons of new scripts.  And now that I have a track record, studios are bound to hire me!
+Look on the bright side.  If we miss the rent, what's the worst they can do?	Toss us out on our ass.
+Toss us out on our ass.	Exactly.
+I'm no good.	Ed, it's just one man's opinion!
+Ed, it's just one man's opinion!	Bela needs a job... I can't even get a film going...  But of course I can't -- I made the worst movie of all time.
+Bela needs a job... I can't even get a film going...  But of course I can't -- I made the worst movie of all time.	That's ridiculous.
+All I wanna do is tell stories.  The things I find interesting...	Well maybe you're not studio kind of material.  Maybe you just need to raise the money yourself.
+Ed, the landlord called again.  He wants his money.	"Tell him ""Bride"" is in pre- production."
+"Tell him ""Bride"" is in pre- production."	Ed, the landlord doesn't care.
+Ed, the landlord doesn't care.	That's the problem!  Nobody cares about my movie!  I'm tryin' so hard, I don't know what else to do!
+That's the problem!  Nobody cares about my movie!  I'm tryin' so hard, I don't know what else to do!	Don't get angry at me.  Maybe you just need a day job.
+Don't get angry at me.  Maybe you just need a day job.	"Dolores, don't you understand?  I'm a director now!  I made ""Glen Or Glenda.""  Directing is my day job."
+"Dolores, don't you understand?  I'm a director now!  I made ""Glen Or Glenda.""  Directing is my day job."	"All I know is, ever since ""Glen Or Glenda,"" all you do is booze it up and wear my clothes!"
+It was the only way I could get the movie made!	Who do you think's been paying the rent?!  Who helped type your script, and did all your grunt work?!
+Who do you think's been paying the rent?!  Who helped type your script, and did all your grunt work?!	I'm sorry!  What did you want me to say?
+I'm sorry!  What did you want me to say?	"I wanted you to say, ""No!  I wrote the part for my girlfriend Dolores."""
+"I wanted you to say, ""No!  I wrote the part for my girlfriend Dolores."""	But there's plenty of other parts.
+But there's plenty of other parts.	Like what?!
+Like what?!	The secretary.  Or the file clerk.
+Goddamn landlord.	I told you this was gonna happen.
+I told you this was gonna happen.	Maybe if you'd come to the backers party, I would've gotten the money.
+Maybe if you'd come to the backers party, I would've gotten the money.	That's moronic.  Why would a bit player impress a backer?
+That's moronic.  Why would a bit player impress a backer?	Look, how many times can I say I'm sorry?  I blew it!  I thought she was rich.
+Look, how many times can I say I'm sorry?  I blew it!  I thought she was rich.	That's a good reason to dump your girlfriend.
+That's a good reason to dump your girlfriend.	I didn't dump you!  Get it through your skull -- I just recast the part!
+You're a fuckin' mess.	So WHAT??  Look, we gotta figure out where we're gonna stay.
+So WHAT??  Look, we gotta figure out where we're gonna stay.	I'm going to my mother's.
+I'm going to my mother's.	Does she have room for me?
+Honey, you made it! I wasn't sure you got my message.	Of course I'm here.  Today is the file clerk's big scene.
+Of course I'm here.  Today is the file clerk's big scene.	That's right...
+That's right...	I see the usual gang of misfits and dope addicts are here.  Say, who's the lug?
+That's Tony McCoy.  He's playing Lieutenant Dick Craig.	Oh really?  How much money did he put up?
+Oh really?  How much money did he put up?	None.  But his dad gave me fifty grand.
+None.  But his dad gave me fifty grand.	Wood Productions.  The mark of quality.
+Wood Productions.  The mark of quality.	Hey, the movie's getting made. That's the main thing.
+Eddie, what's my motivation?	Oh.  Er... well you're the file clerk.  You're hurrying into the next room, when you bump into Janet.
+Oh.  Er... well you're the file clerk.  You're hurrying into the next room, when you bump into Janet.	But what's our relationship?  Are we good friends, or is she just a casual acquaintance?
+But what's our relationship?  Are we good friends, or is she just a casual acquaintance?	Dolores, I got five days to shoot this movie.  Quit kidding around.
+Dolores, wait!	Ed, it's over.  I need a normal life.
+Ed, it's over.  I need a normal life.	Did you really mean those things you said..?
+I'm tired of living on the fringe.	But you used to say --
+But you used to say --	Ed... I just stuck it out so you could finish your movie.  Now that it's done, so am I.
+Pleased to meet you.  I'm Loretta King.	I understand you just moved here?
+I understand you just moved here?	Yes.  Hollywood is oh so exciting.
+So my associate Mr. Marco tells me you may be interested in investing in a motion picture.	Perhaps a small amount of money.  How much do one of your motion pictures cost?
+Perhaps a small amount of money.  How much do one of your motion pictures cost?	For this one, we need $60,000.
+For this one, we need $60,000.	That's all??  That seems very reasonable for an entire picture.
+Perhaps you'd like to look at the photoplay.	Oh my, this is very interesting.  Say... do you think it would be possible for me to maybe play one of these parts?
+Oh my, this is very interesting.  Say... do you think it would be possible for me to maybe play one of these parts?	Oh, of course!!  There's a couple characters you'd be perfect for: The secretary at the newspaper office, or the file clerk!
+Oh, of course!!  There's a couple characters you'd be perfect for: The secretary at the newspaper office, or the file clerk!	Hmm.  Those sound kind of small.  Oh, here's one that looks good: Janet Lawton.  I'd sure like to play her.
+Eddie, which dress do you like better?	I don't know.  Hey Bill, which dress is better for you, the green or the red one?
+Sorry to bother you while we're shooting, but the guy who owns the stage needs his money.	Well then you should pay him, shouldn't you?
+Well then you should pay him, shouldn't you?	Yeah.  Exactly!
+I kinda need it now.	What are you looking at me like that for?  I already gave you my three hundred.
+What are you looking at me like that for?  I already gave you my three hundred.	Yeah.  Well I need the other sixty-thousand.
+Yeah.  Well I need the other sixty-thousand.	What other sixty-thousand?
+What other sixty-thousand?	The other sixty-thousand you said you'd give me.
+The other sixty-thousand you said you'd give me.	You misunderstood.  I gave you everything I have in the world: Three-hundred dollars.
+Hey big shot, get off your ass.  They need a potted palm over in the Carl Laemmle Building.	Sure thing, Mr. Kravitz.
+He's a bum.	"No he's not!  Do you realize how much money he made for this studio over the years?  ""Dracula""!  ""The Raven""! ""The Black Cat""!"
+"No he's not!  Do you realize how much money he made for this studio over the years?  ""Dracula""!  ""The Raven""! ""The Black Cat""!"	Yeah?  Well now he's a junkie.  He don't deserve to work.
+Yeah?  Well now he's a junkie.  He don't deserve to work.	That's not true --
+That's not true --	He's so great, you hire him.
+He's so great, you hire him.	Well, uh, if I could I would...
+Mr. Ward, it's a delight to meet you.	It's Wood.  Ed Wood.
+It's Wood.  Ed Wood.	Wood?  Ward?  Wood.  Hey, what do you know.  It is Wood. Dang secretaries, you can never get a good one.  Right?
+So what are you bringing me?  Looks like you got some film cans.	Well, Mr. Feldman, some people have resumes to show.  I've got my own movie.
+Well, Mr. Feldman, some people have resumes to show.  I've got my own movie.	Really?!  Well good for you.
+Really?!  Well good for you.	I just made this picture, over at Screen Classics.  It opens next week.
+I just made this picture, over at Screen Classics.  It opens next week.	Screen Classics?  Hmm, don't know them.
+Screen Classics?  Hmm, don't know them.	Nobody in town has seen it, so I'm givin' you first crack at my talents.
+Nobody in town has seen it, so I'm givin' you first crack at my talents.	I can't wait to take a look.  So what's up next?
+"Well, Mr. Feldman, I don't believe in thinking small.  So I've got a whole slate of pictures for you: ""The Vampire's Tomb,"" ""The Ghoul Goes West""... and ""Doctor Acula""!"	Doctor Acula?  I don't get it.
+Doctor Acula?  I don't get it.	Dr. Acula!
+"Oh, ""Dr. Acula.""  I get it.  I don't like it."	But Bela Lugosi's in it!
+But Bela Lugosi's in it!	Lugosi's washed-up.  What else you got?
+"Well... I've got another project I wasn't gonna tell you about. Lugosi's in it, but he's got a smaller part.  The lead is an ingenue, a sterling young actress named Dolores Fuller.  The title is ""Bride Of The Atom."""	Ah!  Atomic Age stuff, huh?  I like it.  I'll tell you what, Mr. Ward.  Why don't you leave those film cans, and my associates and I will take a look at your little opus.  Maybe we can do business together.
+Mr. Wood?!	Hruphh...?
+Hruphh...?	Mr. Wood, this is Mr. Reynolds, your landlord.  Could you please open up?
+Yeah...?	Mr. Wood, you have bounced your third and final rent check.
+Mr. Wood, you have bounced your third and final rent check.	I'm real sorry.  My stockbroker must have transferred the wrong account... C'mon in, I'll write you another one.
+Hmm, so you're in the picture business?	You could say that --
+You could say that --	I'm interested in the picture business.  My associates and I wish to produce a series of uplifting religious films, on the Apostles. But unfortunately, we don't have enough money.
+I'm interested in the picture business.  My associates and I wish to produce a series of uplifting religious films, on the Apostles. But unfortunately, we don't have enough money.	Raising money is tough.
+Raising money is tough.	Oh!  Our church has the money for one film.  We just don't have it for all twelve...
+Okay -- you know what you do?  You produce a film in a commercially proven genre.  And after it's a hit, you take the profits from that, and make the twelve Apostles' movies.	Would that work?
+Would that work?	Absolutely!  You see this script..?
+"""Graverobbers From Outer Space""! It's money in the bank."	Graverobbers from what??
+Graverobbers from what??	From outer space!  It's science- fiction.  Very big with the kids! If you make this picture, you'll have enough money to finance a HUNDRED religious films!  And pay my back rent from the profits.
+I don't know... this is all a lot to absorb.	It's a guaranteed blockbuster!
+It's a guaranteed blockbuster!	Um, I understand that this science friction is popular -- but don't the big hits always have big stars?
+Um, I understand that this science friction is popular -- but don't the big hits always have big stars?	Yeah, well we've GOT a big star! Bela Lugosi!!
+Yeah, well we've GOT a big star! Bela Lugosi!!	Lugosi??!  Didn't be pass on?
+Yes, but I've got the last footage he ever shot!	Just, it doesn't look like very much.
+Just, it doesn't look like very much.	"It's plenty!  It's the acorn that will grow a great oak.  I'll just find a double to finish his scenes, and we'll release it as ""Bela Lugosi's Final Film"""
+What'd you give him all the lines for??  He's unintelligible!	Look, Lugosi is dead and Vampira won't talk.   Ihad to give somebody the dialogue.
+And PERFECT.  CUT!	"""Perfect""?  Mr. Wood, do you know anything about the art of film production?!"
+"""Perfect""?  Mr. Wood, do you know anything about the art of film production?!"	I like to think so.
+I like to think so.	That cardboard headstone tipped over. This graveyard is obviously phony!
+That cardboard headstone tipped over. This graveyard is obviously phony!	People won't notice.  Filmmaking isn't about picky details -- it's about the big picture.
+People won't notice.  Filmmaking isn't about picky details -- it's about the big picture.	"Oh, you wanna talk about the ""big picture""?!  How 'bout that the policemen arrive in the daylight, but now it's suddenly night???"
+Mr. Reynolds!	Yes?
+Yes?	We are gonna finish this film just the way I want it!  Because you can't compromise an artist's vision!
+Glad you could fit me in your schedule.	Da pleasure be mine.
+Could we moovf to table?	Oh, of course!
+So, Mr. Johnson --	Tor!
+Tor!	Tor.  Have you ever thought about becoming an actor?
+Tor.  Have you ever thought about becoming an actor?	Mm, not good-lookink enough.
+Mm, not good-lookink enough.	I think you're quite handsome.
+I think you're quite handsome.	No.  With hair, yah.  But I must shave head for wrestlink.  It scare da crowds.  Dey like that.
+Well, I think you'd be a sensation in pictures.	But what bout accent?  Some people tink I haf too much accent.
+But what bout accent?  Some people tink I haf too much accent.	Nah, that doesn't matter!  It's a visual medium.
+"So anyway, I've got this new script, ""Bride Of The Atom,"" and there's a part you're ideal for: ""Lobo.""  He's tough.  A brute.  But he has a heart -- and at the end he saves the girl."	I like.  When do movie shoot?
+I like.  When do movie shoot?	Hopefully, very soon.  I'm just awaiting the final okay from Mr. Feldman at MGM.
+Edvard!   I haf question 'bout script. My vife Greta, she read.  And she no like.	Really?  Was the third act too intense?
+Really?  Was the third act too intense?	No.  She tink Lobo is waste of my time.  Lobo don't talk.
+No.  She tink Lobo is waste of my time.  Lobo don't talk.	But Tor, it's a starring part! You're second billed.
+But Tor, it's a starring part! You're second billed.	Bela, he talk.  Loretta, she talk. But Tor, he no talk.
+Tor, dialogue is overrated.  You look at the classic film actors, who are they?  Fairbanks.  Chaplin.  They didn't talk!  They did it all with their face.	But Greta say --
+Here's the scene.  Loretta, you're in a trance.  You glide in and get on the operating table.  Now Tor, you're supposed to tie her down.  But you have an angora fetish... and when you rub that swatch of angora, it makes you refuse so Bela has to discipline you.	Okey-dokey.
+Hey!  You're not eatink.	Uh, I don't have much of an appetite lately.
+Uh, I don't have much of an appetite lately.	The food will make you feel bedder. Look at me -- I'm da happiest guy I know!
+I'd be happy too, if I had such a great family.	Don't worry.  You just haven't met right woman yet.  Oopsy.  That cabbage goes right through me.
+Tor, I should be getting home.	Nonsense!  You must try our hot glug.
+My friend, you tink Greta is first woman I ever see?  No!  Many duds, before I find her.	But I thought me and Dolores had something.
+But I thought me and Dolores had something.	Forget her!  Move on.  A good lookink boy like you as you can have any girl you wish.
+My eyes are killink me.	Don't worry.  We're almost there.
+What is happening?	We're escaping!
+Excuse me, Sir...?	Yes?
+Yes?	Uh, uh, I'm a young filmmaker, and a really big fan... and I just wanted to meet you.
+Uh, uh, I'm a young filmmaker, and a really big fan... and I just wanted to meet you.	My pleasure.  I'm Orson Welles.
+My pleasure.  I'm Orson Welles.	Oh.  Um, I'm Ed Wood!  So, what are you working on now?
+Oh.  Um, I'm Ed Wood!  So, what are you working on now?	"Eh, the financing just fell through for the third time on ""Don Quixote."" So I'm trying to finish a promo for something else.  But I can't find the soundtrack --  I think I left it in Malta."
+I can't believe it.  These sound like my problems!	It's the damn money men.  You never know who's a windbag, and who's got the goods.  And then they all think they're a director...
+It's the damn money men.  You never know who's a windbag, and who's got the goods.  And then they all think they're a director...	Ain't that the truth!  I've even bad producers recut my movies --
+Ain't that the truth!  I've even bad producers recut my movies --	Ugh, I hate when that happens.
+Ugh, I hate when that happens.	And they always want to cast their buddies -- it doesn't even matter if they're right for the part!
+And they always want to cast their buddies -- it doesn't even matter if they're right for the part!	Tell me about it.  I'm supposed to do a thriller at Universal, and they want Charlton Heston to play a Mexican!
+Mr. Welles, is it all worth it?	"It is when it works.  You know the one film of mine I can stand to watch?  ""Kane.""  The studio hated it... but they didn't get to touch a frame.  Ed, visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else's dreams?"
+Can I help you?	Yes, I'm Ed Wood.  I'm here about directing the Christine Jorgensen picture.
+Yes, I'm Ed Wood.  I'm here about directing the Christine Jorgensen picture.	"Yeah, well a couple of things have changed.  It ain't gonna be the Christine Jorgensen story no more. Goddamn ""Variety"" printed the story before I had the rights, and now that bitch is asking for the sky."
+"Yeah, well a couple of things have changed.  It ain't gonna be the Christine Jorgensen story no more. Goddamn ""Variety"" printed the story before I had the rights, and now that bitch is asking for the sky."	So you're not gonna make the movie?
+So you're not gonna make the movie?	No, of COURSE I'm gonna make the movie!  I've already preósold Alabama and Oklahoma.  Those repressed Okies really go for that twisted pervert stuff.  So we'll just make it without that she-male.  We'll fictitionalize it.
+Is there a script?	Fuck no!  But there's a poster.
+It opens in nine weeks in Tulsa.	Well, Mr. Weiss, I'm your guy.  I work fast, and I'm a deal: I write AND direct.  And I'm good.  I just did a play in Hollywood, and Victor Crowley praised its realism.
+Well, Mr. Weiss, I'm your guy.  I work fast, and I'm a deal: I write AND direct.  And I'm good.  I just did a play in Hollywood, and Victor Crowley praised its realism.	"Hmm.  There's five-hundred guys in town who can tell me the same thing. You said on the phone you had some kind of ""special qualifications."""
+Well, Mr. Weiss, I've never told anyone what I'm about to tell you... but I really want this job.  I like to dress in women's clothing.	Are you a fruit?
+Are you a fruit?	No, no, not at all!  I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.
+No, no, not at all!  I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.	So you're not a fruit?
+So you're not a fruit?	Nah, I'm all man.  I even fought in WW2.  'Course, I was wearing ladies' undergarments under my uniform.
+Nah, I'm all man.  I even fought in WW2.  'Course, I was wearing ladies' undergarments under my uniform.	You gotta be kiddin' me.
+You gotta be kiddin' me.	Confidentially, I even paratrooped wearing a brassiere and panties. I'll tell ya, I wasn't scared of being killed, but I was terrified of getting wounded, and having the medics discover my secret.
+And this is why you think you're the most qualified to make my movie?	Yeah.  I know what it's like to live with a secret, and worry about what people are gonna think of you... My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.
+Mr. Weiss, I was thinkin' about what you said, about how all your movies have to make a profit.  And I realized, what's the one thing, that if you put in a movie, it'll be successful??	Tits.
+Tits.	No.  Better than tits -- a star!
+Eddie, you must have me confused with David Selznick.  I don't make major motion pictures.  I make crap.	Yeah, but if you took that crap and put a star in it, you'd have something!
+Yeah, but if you took that crap and put a star in it, you'd have something!	Yeah.  Crap with a star.
+Yeah.  Crap with a star.	No!  It would be something better! Something impressive.  The biggest moneymaker you've ever had!
+No!  It would be something better! Something impressive.  The biggest moneymaker you've ever had!	Fine, maybe you're right.  But it doesn't friggin' matter.  I can't afford a star, so I don't even know what we're talking about.
+What if I told you you could have a star for $1000??	Who?
+Lugosi?	Yeah!  Lugosi!
+Yeah!  Lugosi!	Isn't he dead?
+Isn't he dead?	No, he's not dead!  He lives in Baldwin Hills.  I met him recently, and he wants to be in our picture.
+No, he's not dead!  He lives in Baldwin Hills.  I met him recently, and he wants to be in our picture.	OUR picture?
+OUR picture?	Uh, yeah.  Our picture.
+Why would Lugosi want to be in a sex-change flick?	Because he's my friend.
+I thought this was gonna be a sex- change film!	There's still a sex-change --
+There's still a sex-change --	Yeah!  Five pages right before it ends!  The rest of the show is about some schmuck who likes angora sweaters.
+Yeah!  Five pages right before it ends!  The rest of the show is about some schmuck who likes angora sweaters.	I don't think he's a schmuck.
+I don't think he's a schmuck.	"And what's with this new title?!  My poster says ""I CHANGED MY SEX""!"
+"And what's with this new title?!  My poster says ""I CHANGED MY SEX""!"	So change the poster.  Trust me, you'll be better off.  This is a story that's gonna grab people.  It's about this guy.  He's crazy about this girl but he likes to wear dresses.  Should he tell her? Should he not tell her?  He's torn. George, this is DRAMA.
+Ed!  What's with these revised pages?!  A scene in a smelting factory?  A buffalo stampede?? Three-hundred soldiers storming Anzio Beach??!  What's going on here?  I can't afford to film this nonsense!	Don't worry.  We're not gonna film any of it.
+Don't worry.  We're not gonna film any of it.	Then how's it gonna get in the picture?!
+Then how's it gonna get in the picture?!	I know a guy in Universal's stock house -- he's giving me the footage for free.  This movie's gonna look like a million bucks.
+I think it's fifty-seven minutes long.	Yeah?  Whatever.  So did you like it?
+Yeah?  Whatever.  So did you like it?	Ed, what was the one thing I asked you to do?  Make it seven reels long. I've got contracts with my exhibitors.  If it ain't over an hour, they won't play it.
+Ed, what was the one thing I asked you to do?  Make it seven reels long. I've got contracts with my exhibitors.  If it ain't over an hour, they won't play it.	Gee, I used every frame of film we shot.  Maybe they won't notice.
+Gee, I used every frame of film we shot.  Maybe they won't notice.	They'll notice.  Look, why don't you let me take over from here?  I can do a few tricks: Pad it out with more stock footage, add establishing shots...
+They'll notice.  Look, why don't you let me take over from here?  I can do a few tricks: Pad it out with more stock footage, add establishing shots...	Um, I guess --
+Um, I guess --	"Good.  And one more thing.  I think your ""Written, Directed, and Starring Ed Wood"" credit is a bad idea."
+"Good.  And one more thing.  I think your ""Written, Directed, and Starring Ed Wood"" credit is a bad idea."	Why?!  I did all those things!  Hell, I even built the props.
+Why?!  I did all those things!  Hell, I even built the props.	And you did a bang-up job, too.  But you don't want other producers to know that's you in drag.  Trust me. It's a career killer.
+"But I'm proud.  I wrote, directed, and starred in it just like Orson Welles in ""Citizen Kane""!"	Yeah??  Well Orson Welles didn't wear angora sweaters, did he??!
+Georgie, what's with the stag footage??  You said you were cutting in establishing shots!	I did.  I established some tits and ass.
+"""Where's the ads""?!  The ads are in Alabama, Indiana, and Missouri!  You schmuck, it ain't gonna play L.A.!"	Why not??
+Why not??	Because I can't sell it to save my life!  You made a goddamn feathered fish.  Is it an art film, a horror show, a hygiene flick?  Nobody knows! I'm beggin' people to book it.
+Because I can't sell it to save my life!  You made a goddamn feathered fish.  Is it an art film, a horror show, a hygiene flick?  Nobody knows! I'm beggin' people to book it.	Maybe it needs special handling.
+Maybe it needs special handling.	"Screw you, Wood!  I even sunk more money into different titles: ""Transvestite"" ""He Or She?"" ""I Led Two Lives""... It DOESN'T MATTER! Nobody wants to see the piece of shit."
+"Screw you, Wood!  I even sunk more money into different titles: ""Transvestite"" ""He Or She?"" ""I Led Two Lives""... It DOESN'T MATTER! Nobody wants to see the piece of shit."	You can't talk that way about my movie.
+You can't talk that way about my movie.	"""Your movie""?!  I wish it was your movie!  I wish I hadn't blown every dime I ever made into this stinkbomb. If I ever see you again, I'll kill you!!!"
+Hello.	Hello.  You're sleeping in a tuxedo.
+Hello.  You're sleeping in a tuxedo.	I got married last night.
+I got married last night.	Oh.  Congratulations.
+Oh.  Congratulations.	The marriage already ended.
+The marriage already ended.	Oh.  My condolences.
+What are you making?	Booties for my father.  He gets cold in this hospital.
+Booties for my father.  He gets cold in this hospital.	How long's he been here?
+How long's he been here?	This is my thirteenth pair.
+Oh, it's you again.	Oh, hi.
+Oh, hi.	You look beat.
+You look beat.	I am.  How's your father?
+I am.  How's your father?	He's better.  Thank you for asking.  How's your friend?
+He's better.  Thank you for asking.  How's your friend?	Not good...
+Oh, flowers!  I didn't know you were so traditional.	I just picked them up on the way over...
+I just picked them up on the way over...	They're very nice.  Let me get my coat.
+So have you always lived in L.A.?	No.  I'm from back east.  You know, All-American small town... everybody knew everybody, I was a Boy Scout, my dad worked for the post office...
+No.  I'm from back east.  You know, All-American small town... everybody knew everybody, I was a Boy Scout, my dad worked for the post office...	Sounds like you lived in Grovers Corners.
+Did you find it boring?	Nah, 'cause I had my comic books. And I read pulp magazines.  And I listened to the radio dramas...
+"Oh.  I loved those shows!  ""Inner Sanctum""... ""The Shadow"" --"	"Yeah!  Don't forget ""Mercury Theatre""... And then every Saturday, I'd go to the little movie theater down the street.  I even started ushering there."
+You're not gonna believe the first picture I ever saw.  Your friend's.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	"""Dracula."""
+That is incredible!  You know, I had to sleep with the lights on for a week after seeing that movie.	I had to sleep with the lights on for a month.  But I never missed a Lugosi picture after that.
+I had to sleep with the lights on for a month.  But I never missed a Lugosi picture after that.	"A few years ago, I actually saw him do ""Dracula"" live.  I thought he was much scarier in person."
+Kathy, I'm about to tell you something I've never told any girl on a first date.  But I think it's important that you know.  I like to wear women's clothes.	Huh?
+Huh?	I like to wear women's clothes: Panties, brassieres, sweaters, pumps... it's just something I do. And I can't believe I'm telling you, but I really like you, and I don't want it getting in the way down the road.
+Does this mean you don't like sex with girls?	No! I love sex with girls.
+No! I love sex with girls.	Oh.  Okay.
+Oh.  Okay.	Okay?
+Stop!	STOP!
+Ed, this spaghetti sauce is delicious.	Thanks.  It's actually the only thing I know how to make.  Hey, can you grab that strainer?
+What was that?	Bela died.
+I'd seen him in a coffin so many times, I expected him to jump out...	Ed, you've got to snap out of this. Bela's dead -- you're not!
+Ed, you've got to snap out of this. Bela's dead -- you're not!	I might as well be.  I made shitty movies that nobody wanted to see.  I blew it.  All he wanted was a comeback... that last glory...
+I might as well be.  I made shitty movies that nobody wanted to see.  I blew it.  All he wanted was a comeback... that last glory...	Well you tried --
+Well you tried --	I was a fuckin' HACK!  I let people recut the movies, cast their relatives...  I let Bela down...
+You know, when you rewrite a script, it just gets better and better!	Do you want your buttons on the left or the right?
+Do you want your buttons on the left or the right?	The left.  It's more natural.  Hey, I've got a scene where the aliens have the ultimate bomb.  What would that be made of?
+The left.  It's more natural.  Hey, I've got a scene where the aliens have the ultimate bomb.  What would that be made of?	Uh, atomic energy?
+Uh, atomic energy?	No.  They're beyond that!  They're smarter than the humans.  What's more advanced?
+No.  They're beyond that!  They're smarter than the humans.  What's more advanced?	Dynamite --
+Dynamite --	No, BIGGER!  What's the biggest energy??
+No, BIGGER!  What's the biggest energy??	The sun.
+The sun.	Yes!  BINGO!  Solar energy!  Oh that's gonna seem so scientific.  This movie's gonna be the ultimate Ed Wood film.  No compromises.
+Those assholes.	The poor girl's out of a job.
+The poor girl's out of a job.	Yeah...  I should give her a call.
+You should feel lucky.  Ed's the only guy in town who doesn't pass judgment on people.	Hell, if I did, I wouldn't have any friends.
+Look, it's Dr. Tom.  Hey, Dr. Tom!	Who's Dr. Tom?
+Who's Dr. Tom?	My chiropractor!
+I can't get it to go up.	Ed, you're gonna miss your own premiere.
+Ed, you're gonna miss your own premiere.	C'mon!  Let's just go.
+Ed, I'm so happy for you.	Let's get married.
+Let's get married.	Huh?!
+Huh?!	Right now.  Let's drive to Vegas!
+Right now.  Let's drive to Vegas!	But it's pouring.  And the car top is stuck!
+But it's pouring.  And the car top is stuck!	So?  It's only a five-hour drive. And it'll probably clear up, once we hit the desert.  Heck, it'll probably clear up once we drive around the corner.  I promise.
+Excuse me, Miss Vampira?	Yes?
+Yes?	You don't know me, but my name is Ed Wood.  I'm a film producer.  I'm currently in production on a science-fiction piece, with Bela Lugosi and Swedish wrestler Tor Johnson.  And I saw you here, and I thought: Kismet!
+I don't understand.  Do you want my autograph?	No.  I think my film is perfect for you.
+No.  I think my film is perfect for you.	You want me to show it on my TV program?  Well I got nothing to do with that.  You should call up the station manager at Channel Seven --
+You want me to show it on my TV program?  Well I got nothing to do with that.  You should call up the station manager at Channel Seven --	No!  I don't want you to show the movie, I want you to be in it!  See, maybe I should explain: We started shooting, but then after three days we got shut down.  So we're having a backers party, to raise some more money.  Perhaps you'd like to come next door and meet some of the backers...?
+Uh, look, I'm with some friends, and we're about to eat --	Please!  It'll only take a minute. You can have some hors d'oeuvres, and meet my backers!  There's a really nice dentist from Oxnard...
+Please!  It'll only take a minute. You can have some hors d'oeuvres, and meet my backers!  There's a really nice dentist from Oxnard...	Look buddy, I'm a big star.  I've got real offers from real studios.  I don't need to blow some dentist for a part.  So forget it!
+"No, don't worry, I moved on.  I was just calling to see if you want to attend the world premiere of my new film, ""Bride Of The Monster."""	"Didn't you just make one called ""Bride Of The Atom""?"
+"Didn't you just make one called ""Bride Of The Atom""?"	It's the same film.  But the distributor wanted a punchier title. C'mon!  It's gonna be a big event -- we're going all out!  Bela, Tor, and Cris are coming.  You'll have fun!
+I'm really sorry...	It's terrible.  People won't even return my calls.  It's like I don't exist.
+It's terrible.  People won't even return my calls.  It's like I don't exist.	"I know what that's like.  Anyway, I brought a copy of the script.  You would play the ""Ghoul's Wife."""
+"I know what that's like.  Anyway, I brought a copy of the script.  You would play the ""Ghoul's Wife."""	The Ghoul's Wife?!  God, I can't believe I'm doing this...
+"Look... would it be possible to make the ""Ghoul's Wife"" a little less prominent, so people won't really notice me in the movie?"	You don't wanna be noticed?
+You don't wanna be noticed?	Exactly.  Hey, how 'bout this -- what if I don't have any lines?  I'll do the part mute!
+It's uncanny.	What's uncanny?
+What's uncanny?	LOOK AT HIS SKULL!
+"Hell, I've seen a lot worse reviews. I've seen ones where they didn't even like the costumes!  Like, that last ""Francis the Mule"" picture -- it got terrible notices.  But it was a huge hit."	Lines around the block.
+Lines around the block.	So don't take it too seriously. We're all doin' great work.
+The set doesn't look right!  It looks too... empty.  Clutter it up.  Put a skeleton in the corner.  And what's that thing over there?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	Well it looks good.  Let's use it!
+Just like I always promised.  Now you're among the immortals.  You're movie stars.	Here's to Ed.  For making us into something.
+Uh, yoo-hoo.  Excuse me!  Sorry to interrupt, but I got some big news.	Yeah...?
+Yeah...?	"Well my cousin Fred met this dame from back East.  She's from ""old money,"" and he thinks she's loaded. And here's the kicker: She's very interested in the picture business!"
+Wow, this lab looks great.  Except why is there a stove and refrigerator?	We couldn't afford any more props. If it seems weird, maybe you can add a scene where they eat dinner.
+We couldn't afford any more props. If it seems weird, maybe you can add a scene where they eat dinner.	Nah, it'll work.  Where's Bela?
+Ed, you said you were getting permission.	Uh, I couldn't reach the guy... he was in meetings all day.  But this'll be great, I promise!
+You're sure this is gonna work?	Yes!
+Yes!	You're sure???
+You're sure???	YES!  JUST DO IT!
+Hey.  This is looking good!  Paul, where's the octopus motor?	What octopus motor?
+What octopus motor?	You know, to make the legs move --
+You know, to make the legs move --	Hey, don't blame me!  You didn't say anything about no motor when I was up on that ceiling!
+Norma, this is Bela -- Bela, this is Norma.  Norma, this is Tor -- Tor, this is Norma.  Norma, this is Paul Paul, this is Norma.	So how long have you known Eddie?
+Ed, I got the Lugosi lookalikes outside.	Great!  Bring 'em in!  Bunny, I gotta run.
+Too tall... too short...  And this guy doesn't work at all.	"Well I was thinkin' like, when Bela played ""Fu Manchu."""
+"Well I was thinkin' like, when Bela played ""Fu Manchu."""	That was Karloff.  Paul, you gotta try harder.  I don't want this film to be haif-assed. This time, we go for the quality.
+...Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your savior?	I do.
+What are you talking about?!  It's the premise of the movie.  It's even the title, for Christ's sake!	Mr. Wood!
+Isn't it wonderful?  Bela lives!	Doesn't this strike you as a bit morbid?
+Doesn't this strike you as a bit morbid?	No, he would've loved it!  Bela's returned from the grave -- like Dracula.  CUE VAMPIRA!
+This is our choir director.  He's gonna play the young hero.	Are you IN5ANE?  I'm the director! I make the casting decisions around here!
+Are you IN5ANE?  I'm the director! I make the casting decisions around here!	I thought this was a group effort.
+I thought this was a group effort.	NOOOOO!!!
+Mr. Wood?  What do you think you're doing?!	I'm directing.
+B-but it's our money --	And you're gonna make a bundle.  This movie's gonna be famous!  But only if you SHUT UP, and let me do it my way!
+Why... yes.	Don't you think angora has a tactile sensuality lacking in all other clothing?
+Don't you think angora has a tactile sensuality lacking in all other clothing?	I suppose.  It's very expensive.
+I suppose.  It's very expensive.	It's made from specially-bred rabbits that live in the Himalayas.
+It's made from specially-bred rabbits that live in the Himalayas.	What are you, an angora wholesaler?
+What are you, an angora wholesaler?	No, I work in pictures.  I'm a director-actor-writer-producer.
+No, I work in pictures.  I'm a director-actor-writer-producer.	Ah, c'mon!  Nobody does all that.
+Ah, c'mon!  Nobody does all that.	Two people do.  Orson Welles and me.
+Two people do.  Orson Welles and me.	Wow.
+Wow.	You know, you're a very attractive girl.
+My goodness, you're embarrassing me.	You shouldn't be embarrassed by the truth.  Mind if I order some hotcakes...?
+Eddie, I'm just a small-town girl. I've never done this before.	Don't worry, I'll teach you.
+What the heck is THIS?!!	Honey, I have a little secret to share with you.
+Please, be compassionate.  I'm your husband!	No you're not!  This marriage was never consummated.  I'm getting an annulment!
+Vampira!  Hi, this is Ed Wood.	Who?
+Who?	"Ed Wood!  You came to my party.  I directed ""Bride Of The Atom""!"
+"Ed Wood!  You came to my party.  I directed ""Bride Of The Atom""!"	Oh.  Yeah.  You.
+Well, I was wondering if maybe sometime you'd like to go out, and maybe grab some dinner.	You mean like a date?  I thought you were a fag.
+You mean like a date?  I thought you were a fag.	ME?!  No, uh, I'm just a transvestite.
+ME?!  No, uh, I'm just a transvestite.	Isn't that the same thing?
+Isn't that the same thing?	No, no!  I like girls.  So how 'bout Friday?
+No, no!  I like girls.  So how 'bout Friday?	Look, you seem like a nice guy, Ed, but you're just not my type.  But keep in touch.  Let me know when your movie opens.
+No. The bathroom is off limits -and when I go to sleep they go to other programming. Unless I get up. Then they go back on the air. Unless I get up to go to the bathroom, I guess, then -	What if--you're vomiting?
+What if--you're vomiting?	What if I'm vomiting?
+What if I'm vomiting?	Do they show it?
+Do they show it?	I guess -- I don't -- it's all in the contract. There's this million-page contract --
+I'11 have to pass, Al. And it's not an age thing --	No! Do they show you having sex?
+No! Do they show you having sex?	No. Kissing and hugging, okay, but if it's actual sex they have to cut away.
+No. Kissing and hugging, okay, but if it's actual sex they have to cut away.	At what point?
+At what point?	At the point -- I don't -- Look you'd be on TV maybe one or two times each. I'11 try to avoid I'11 go out of my way to avoid, getting together with you. Believe me.
+Yeah. I brought you some movies.	Anything good?
+No, I intentionally picked out a lot of crap 'cause I don't like you.	Is Mom here? I gotta talk to her.
+Is Mom here? I gotta talk to her.	She's in the kitchen. I'd yell for her, but I'd die.  You had a busy night last night.
+She's in the kitchen. I'd yell for her, but I'd die.  You had a busy night last night.	Yeah. Ma...
+What do you love her or something?	Come on...
+Come on...	Look at your face. I had a car that color.
+Whatever happened to Norman Rockwell?	Who?
+Who?	Norman Rockwell. He painted magazine covers. Folksy. A mailman, a boy scout, a kid visiting a doctor...
+Norman Rockwell. He painted magazine covers. Folksy. A mailman, a boy scout, a kid visiting a doctor...	Yeah, so... ?
+Yeah, so... ?	They celebrated the common person.
+They celebrated the common person.	Well, I don't think you can get more common than me, Al.
+Well, I don't think you can get more common than me, Al.	No. Only celebrities now. Now, if you put a mailman on the cover of a magazine he'd better have killed someone or no one will buy it. This one to Dr. Rumpley.
+Jeanette, you're hurting me.	I'm not -- I didn't -- Al, you know how I feel about you...
+Have I ever said a bad word to you about your father?	No.
+No.	Well, now I will. He was a crazy mean, son-of-a-bitch.
+How's your mother?	Al!
+Al!	Our neighbors gave me a ride.
+Our neighbors gave me a ride.	Al!!
+Al!!	Where is she? Is she all right?
+You thought it was me?	Yes!
+Yes!	It's your father. Hank. Your mother went to see him and he had a heart attack.
+It's your father. Hank. Your mother went to see him and he had a heart attack.	Went --
+Are things gonna be okay with you and Mom? Is there anything I can --	I'm moving out.
+I'm moving out.	What?!
+What?!	I'm going to be living with my brother. He's not in such good shape as I am, but... I'm looking forward to the pillow fights.
+I'm going to be living with my brother. He's not in such good shape as I am, but... I'm looking forward to the pillow fights.	Oh, Al ... This is just...
+Oh, Al ... This is just...	Hank was always good with the ladies. Always good-looking. Hell, he's been dead for two days, he still looks better than me.
+Did you see that?	What?
+What?	Her. That look. She likes the Ed guy better than she likes the brother.
+Her. That look. She likes the Ed guy better than she likes the brother.	You're nuts.
+You're nuts.	Okay, I'm nuts.
+I'11 tell you something else. The old guy in the wheelchair? The stepfather? They're gonna have him die.	"What do you mean ""they're gonna have him die?"""
+"What do you mean ""they're gonna have him die?"""	You know, for a tearjerker. The audience falls in love with this loveable old geezer in a wheelchair and then he dies, it's ... They know what they're doing.
+You know, for a tearjerker. The audience falls in love with this loveable old geezer in a wheelchair and then he dies, it's ... They know what they're doing.	This is real, Bananahead!
+This is real, Bananahead!	So?
+So?	So if it's a show and they have a guy die that's writing, but if it's real and they have a guy die that's murder.
+You think she really likes him?	She doesn't give a shit about him.
+She doesn't give a shit about him.	You know what would be great?
+You know what would be great?	What?
+What?	If Ray would steal this girl from Ed. That would be great.
+Yeah only I wish they had the sister on more.	Ooh, the sister! She is hot.
+Ooh, the sister! She is hot.	You know it.
+What did you study?	Oh, see, studying would've been a huge help. Where were you, then?
+Ed, can I see you a second.	Excuse me.
+Excuse me.	Okay, so you understand? We're installing a permanent camera in your bedroom, one in the kitchen, one in the living room, plus, of course, there'll always be a couple of steady-cams following you.
+Okay, so you understand? We're installing a permanent camera in your bedroom, one in the kitchen, one in the living room, plus, of course, there'll always be a couple of steady-cams following you.	Cool.
+Cool.	I want you to take this.
+That has my work number, my home number, my pager number. I sleep three hours a night. Call me whenever you want to talk. Off the air, on the air, whenever. Okay?	Um, yeah -- thanks.
+Now look. Don't freeze up on me. I picked you because you had kind of a relaxed, go-with-the-flow quality. You're not going to lose that, are you?	No, uh...
+No, uh...	I bet my career on you. You'd better be good.
+I bet my career on you. You'd better be good.	Don't say that. That's like... telling a guy before you have sex you'd better be good. You don't do that.
+Don't say that. That's like... telling a guy before you have sex you'd better be good. You don't do that.	I do.
+Yes, Ed.	Could we just talk alone for a second? I --
+Could we just talk alone for a second? I --	Good idea.  Could you all leave us alone for a few minutes?
+How you doing, Ed?	I feel like when I was a kid and my mother sent me to school in orange corduroy pants.
+I feel like when I was a kid and my mother sent me to school in orange corduroy pants.	Uh-huh?
+Uh-huh?	"And all the kids stared calling me ""Pumpkin Ass."" ""Hey Pumpkin Ass,"" -- for like a year. So, now, I feel like everyone's watching me and, you know, I'm ""Pumpkin Ass"" again."
+Yeah?	Can I give you one bit of advice? About Shari?
+Can I give you one bit of advice? About Shari?	Sure.
+Sure.	A woman wants to be pursued.
+They tore her dress! ...	We're going to get you a bodyguard, don't worry. Ed, I have some news for you. We're picking up Ed TV for another month!
+We're going to get you a bodyguard, don't worry. Ed, I have some news for you. We're picking up Ed TV for another month!	Yeah?!
+Yeah?!	That means a balloon payment and a big raise for the second month.
+That means a balloon payment and a big raise for the second month.	Stand back -- I'm about to do my Happy Dance.
+Yeah.	"You asked me if I had a dream. I said ""Sure, I have a dream. I just don't know what it is yet."""
+"You asked me if I had a dream. I said ""Sure, I have a dream. I just don't know what it is yet."""	Great line.
+Great line.	What if Shari's the dream?
+What if Shari's the dream?	Ed, do you want my advice?
+Ed, do you want my advice?	Yeah, that's why I called. I mean, maybe Fed-Ex would tell me where she moved --
+Yeah, that's why I called. I mean, maybe Fed-Ex would tell me where she moved --	Leave her be.
+Leave her be.	You said a woman likes to be pursued.
+You said a woman likes to be pursued.	Pursued, not harassed. Give it some space. Can I tell you something -- as a friend? My sister was going with a guy they hit a little rough spot they started seeing other people they got back together and last month they had their third child For what it's worth.
+"Ed, everything goes off. ""Cheers"" went off. ""Mash"" went off --"	Yeah, but when they went off people weren't making fun of them. They weren't bozos! I'm Pumpkin Ass again!
+Yeah, but when they went off people weren't making fun of them. They weren't bozos! I'm Pumpkin Ass again!	Ed --
+Ed --	"You know, everything you asked me to do I did. I call you for advice about Shari you say -  ""Leave her be, see other people for a while."" You just wanted me to get involved with Jill because it made for a better show."
+"You know, everything you asked me to do I did. I call you for advice about Shari you say -  ""Leave her be, see other people for a while."" You just wanted me to get involved with Jill because it made for a better show."	Ed --
+Ed --	No. You screwed up my life just so you could get higher ratings. You never gave a shit about me.
+No. You screwed up my life just so you could get higher ratings. You never gave a shit about me.	Yeah? Well I'm not starting now.
+I don't think so.	Yeah. Because, you didn't talk me into anything. Everything you wanted me to do, I wanted to do.
+He's who we want to go with.	This guy.
+This guy.	I polled my staff. The men say they'd hang around with him and the women say he's fuckable. And one of the men said he's fuckable.
+I polled my staff. The men say they'd hang around with him and the women say he's fuckable. And one of the men said he's fuckable.	I'm not sure about the entire concept.
+Take him off the air.	What are you talking about? He's fine. He's out of the hospital already. The ratings are higher than ever.
+What are you talking about? He's fine. He's out of the hospital already. The ratings are higher than ever.	I'm telling you, it's peaked. Ed TV is an over-inflated balloon. Get it off before it explodes all over us.
+With all due respect, Cynthia you're nuts. I'm giving him another month!	Good luck.
+Isn't this getting kind of pathetic. I mean we drank the juice, now we're just licking peel. Let it go!	Cynthia, I think you're laboring under a misconception. You seem to believe that because you happened to predict this, we should be impressed. We're not. Anybody in any business can predict failure. 1 need people who prevent failure. I want to see this thing turned back in the right direction. Remember this was your baby.
+Where are you going?	"I've got this great idea. We put together a video. ""The Network Executives Goofiest Moments."" And listen, i've really loved working here."
+Mr. Pekurny.	Yes?
+Yes?	I'm Dr. Geller. Your mother is just lying down for a few minutes. we gave her something to calm her down.
+I'm Dr. Geller. Your mother is just lying down for a few minutes. we gave her something to calm her down.	Thank you. Can I see her?
+Thank you. Can I see her?	Just wait here. She's coming right back out.
+Just wait here. She's coming right back out.	Mm...  Oh, man...
+What about him -- did he suffer any or was it quick? I'd hate to think he...	Very quick. Between you and me, it's not a bad way to go. Making love to your wife... it's very sweet.
+Very quick. Between you and me, it's not a bad way to go. Making love to your wife... it's very sweet.	Really? They were..
+Really? They were..	According to your mother. When the paramedics got to the hotel, she told them that --
+According to your mother. When the paramedics got to the hotel, she told them that --	Hotel? What were they doing in a hotel?
+Hotel? What were they doing in a hotel?	I ... don't know. I ...
+I thought -- I thought he was dead.	Who?
+Who?	Al!
+Al!	No.  The deceased is ... Henry Pekurny.
+What?	Look at this -- people are getting married, they're getting married...
+Look at this -- people are getting married, they're getting married...	You said that.
+You said that.	We're falling behind.
+You know who we are?	Tell me.
+Tell me.	We're the guys who clean up after the parade.
+We're the guys who clean up after the parade.	I'm gonna stick this right in your eye.
+I'm gonna stick this right in your eye.	"I was at this comedy club last week and this comedian says ""If you're over thirty and your job requires you to wear a name tag, you screwed up your life."" And I'm laughing and then I realize I wear a nametag."
+"I was at this comedy club last week and this comedian says ""If you're over thirty and your job requires you to wear a name tag, you screwed up your life."" And I'm laughing and then I realize I wear a nametag."	So do I. So what? I'm doing all right.
+So do I. So what? I'm doing all right.	Your brother's here.
+Oh, that thing. Yeah. Did you hear about this?	Yeah, what - they put some schmuck on TV all day long or something?
+Hey, if it's free, it's me.  You ready?	Yeah. You did good. What's wrong?
+Yeah. You did good. What's wrong?	Aah, I wanted Shari to come.
+Aah, I wanted Shari to come.	Oh -- so I'm just, what -- a poor substitute?
+Yeah.  Honey, if you're watching this is for you.	No! Don't --  Oh, wow.
+No! Don't --  Oh, wow.	What?
+You know about that fireman who rescued that little girl?	When? Today?
+When? Today?	No! Like, ten years ago. In Texas. Baby...  Jessica!
+No! Like, ten years ago. In Texas. Baby...  Jessica!	Oh right, right! She fell down, like a...
+Oh right, right! She fell down, like a...	Yeah, a thing. He became a big hero. He was on TV and there was a parade and a movie about him
+Yeah, a thing. He became a big hero. He was on TV and there was a parade and a movie about him	Right, right...
+Right, right...	And then, uh... you know it blew over and he went back to being a fireman again.
+And then, uh... you know it blew over and he went back to being a fireman again.	Right.
+Right.	So he killed himself.
+So he killed himself.	Oh.
+Eddie? ...	Yeah?
+Yeah?	Are the TV people with you?
+Are the TV people with you?	Yeah. The camera guy is here.
+Yeah. The camera guy is here.	Send him away.
+Send him away.	Send him? Ma, I can't. it's -- just come out here. Please, I --
+Send him? Ma, I can't. it's -- just come out here. Please, I --	No.
+No.	Do you want us to come in the kitchen?
+Do you want us to come in the kitchen?	No. It's a mess.
+No. It's a mess.	Look, Ma, come on out. Really. I need to talk to you.
+Ma, do you know where Ray is? I've been calling him and I'm getting his machine and --	Eddie, how could you do it? Your brother's girlfriend.
+Eddie, how could you do it? Your brother's girlfriend.	Hey, he cheated on her.
+Hey, he cheated on her.	He made a mistake.
+He made a mistake.	I don't want to -- do you know where he is?
+I don't want to -- do you know where he is?	No. Maybe he's watching.  Tell him you're sorry. Tell him you'11 stay away from that girl.
+No. Maybe he's watching.  Tell him you're sorry. Tell him you'11 stay away from that girl.	No! And that girl has a name.
+I know you. This Shari is a passing fancy.	No! I -- All right, look, if you hear from Ray.... tell him to call me, okay?
+How's Marcia? She all right?	"I don't know. She's living with that ""entertainer""..."
+"I don't know. She's living with that ""entertainer""..."	Well, who knows? Maybe she finally picked a winner this time.
+Well, who knows? Maybe she finally picked a winner this time.	Mm.
+Mm.	You and Al lived together a few months before you got married -- after Dad left.
+You and Al lived together a few months before you got married -- after Dad left.	Oh my God!
+Oh my God!	I mean, that worked out.
+I mean, that worked out.	Oh my God!!
+I can't believe you're taking his side.	I'm not! I'm just trying to get some facts.
+I told you the facts! He abandoned us -- those are the facts.	So everything he told me yesterday was a lie. Everything.
+Yes.	Yes to me or yes to the coil?
+Yes to me or yes to the coil?	Both.
+Both.	Holy sh--
+He had girlfriends!	He says --
+He says --	I don't care what he says. Look, I don't need to relive this. On television!
+All right -- do you want to know the truth? I took you and Marcia and Ray to my sister's on the train for the weekend and you all got chicken pox. So I took you home a day early and there was your father with a woman in our bed. Okay?	Chicken pox? I was six. He didn't leave 'til I was twelve.
+Chicken pox? I was six. He didn't leave 'til I was twelve.	He... apologized, he begged me. He can be very... charming when it suits his purpose.
+He... apologized, he begged me. He can be very... charming when it suits his purpose.	But what was that whole story about him and a nurse?
+But what was that whole story about him and a nurse?	She could've been a nurse.
+She could've been a nurse.	Could've been a nurse?
+Could've been a nurse?	She had white shoes.
+She had white shoes.	So does Grandma. So does Shaquille O'Neal. You told me you had a hysterectomy and he ran off with your nurse.
+So does Grandma. So does Shaquille O'Neal. You told me you had a hysterectomy and he ran off with your nurse.	What's the difference?
+What's the difference?	The difference is for twenty years I thought one thing and now it's another thing.
+Oh my God. You and Al were - and that's why you threw him out.	"He had a woman in my own bed! And how dare you call him ""Dad"" in front of Al.  This is your father. This is who was there for you when you needed someone."
+"If I don't call you ""Dad"" it' just because... 1 was already a big boy when you came into our lives --  or when I thought you came into our lives --"	And what did he come back now for?
+And what did he come back now for?	Who?
+Who?	Hank! All of a sudden. Because now you're famous and he can get something from you. I don't wan you to become a victim like Marcia.  Not that you're a victim, honey. You're not. Life's just been a little hard on you, sweetie.
+Hank! All of a sudden. Because now you're famous and he can get something from you. I don't wan you to become a victim like Marcia.  Not that you're a victim, honey. You're not. Life's just been a little hard on you, sweetie.	What do you think. I mean about... him. Should I just... have nothing to do with him? I mean...
+Eddie...	Mom?
+Mom?	I'm at the hospital.
+I'm at the hospital.	What's the matter?!
+What's the matter?!	He's dead! Eddie, he's dead! It was his heart.
+He's dead! Eddie, he's dead! It was his heart.	Oh God. What hospital?
+Oh God. What hospital?	St. Joseph's.
+St. Joseph's.	I'm coming right over. I'll be right there.
+What happened?	It was horrible. He called me up.
+It was horrible. He called me up.	Who?
+Who?	Hank! He said he wanted to talk to me to apologize for everything he begged -- he cried. So I went to this horrible hotel he was staying in... I felt so sorry for him --
+Hank! He said he wanted to talk to me to apologize for everything he begged -- he cried. So I went to this horrible hotel he was staying in... I felt so sorry for him --	So you had sex with him?
+What?	The doctor said you were having sex.
+The doctor said you were having sex.	To you? In front of him?  With the...
+To you? In front of him?  With the...	Yes. He assumed Hank was your husband. He didn't know.
+Yes. He assumed Hank was your husband. He didn't know.	Oh my god! On TV!
+Oh my god! On TV!	Why? How...
+Why? How...	One thing led to another. He was my husband once.
+One thing led to another. He was my husband once.	But Al is your husband now!
+But Al is your husband now!	Do you think it's been easy for me? It's been years. Al can't have sex.
+Do you think it's been easy for me? It's been years. Al can't have sex.	Apparently, neither can Hank. What the hell did you do to him?
+Don't tell Al. He doesn't know.	Well, he's the only one in America who doesn't!
+Ed! How did you know I was here?	You're famous. Somebody called me. What are you doing in a place like this?
+You're famous. Somebody called me. What are you doing in a place like this?	Why shouldn't I be in a place like this? I'm a whore!
+Why shouldn't I be in a place like this? I'm a whore!	Ma...
+Ma...	I'm a tramp  Meet your new father. The whole nation is laughing at us!
+I'm a tramp  Meet your new father. The whole nation is laughing at us!	And how is this helping? come on say, good-night to all your new friends and let's go home.
+And how is this helping? come on say, good-night to all your new friends and let's go home.	I'm a whore!  Your bathrooms are filthy!
+What's going on over there?	Everybody's making audition tapes for that Real TV thing.
+Right, yeah --	She really doesn't want you and the camera in here right now.
+She really doesn't want you and the camera in here right now.	No, I understand. That's - where is she, is she all right?
+Hi, Mom.	Shari, Ray feels --
+Hi. Is Shari here?	No.
+No.	What is she, at work?
+What is she, at work?	She left.
+She left.	Well, when will she be back?
+She won't.	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	She left. She moved. She got Fed-Ex to give her a transfer and she left. She couldn't stand it anymore. We had people, news people, regular people, just sleeping in our hallway, going through our mail, our garbage. I mean it was she couldn't take it anymore. Now I've got to move. I can't afford this place by myself.
+She left. She moved. She got Fed-Ex to give her a transfer and she left. She couldn't stand it anymore. We had people, news people, regular people, just sleeping in our hallway, going through our mail, our garbage. I mean it was she couldn't take it anymore. Now I've got to move. I can't afford this place by myself.	I'm sorry. Where'd they send her?
+I'm sorry. Where'd they send her?	She wouldn't tell me.
+Well, Ed, that's ... not really possible.	All right, I'11 pay for the parking. Big network!
+I can't?	Well, no. You agreed to stay on the air as long as we asked you to. The station entered into this on that understanding. If you had refused we'd have begun this with somebody else. You can't just change the rules in the middle of the game, son. It's not fair to us. More importantly, it's not fair to the viewers. They're interested in you. They've devoted hours and days and weeks of their lives to you.
+Well, no. You agreed to stay on the air as long as we asked you to. The station entered into this on that understanding. If you had refused we'd have begun this with somebody else. You can't just change the rules in the middle of the game, son. It's not fair to us. More importantly, it's not fair to the viewers. They're interested in you. They've devoted hours and days and weeks of their lives to you.	Look, if you don't let me out of this... I'11 just... I'11 just sit in my apartment all day. I won't go anywhere, I won't do anything. What kind of show will that be?
+Look, if you don't let me out of this... I'11 just... I'11 just sit in my apartment all day. I won't go anywhere, I won't do anything. What kind of show will that be?	Not too good. That's why it states in your contract that if you do not continue to live a normal life, you're in violation and are liable for the station's financial losses. Ed, I urge you to reconsider. I urge you on behalf of all those people out there whose lives have become so entwined with yours. Play fair with them, Ed.
+Not too good. That's why it states in your contract that if you do not continue to live a normal life, you're in violation and are liable for the station's financial losses. Ed, I urge you to reconsider. I urge you on behalf of all those people out there whose lives have become so entwined with yours. Play fair with them, Ed.	All right. Let them decide.
+No! I barely even mentioned -it's just that, my friends, the people at work, whoever I'm regularly in contact with they want releases from.	They're gonna mock our foibles.
+They're gonna mock our foibles.	Our what?
+Our what?	Our foibles, our foibles!
+What are you doing?	Hm? I'm, uh... Why isn't this drunken woman you?
+"Oh! Oh -- okay, now I get it. It's ""Star Search."" You wanted me here because the camera comes with me."	Ed, he needs a break. You don't know what kind of bad luck he's had --
+Ed, he needs a break. You don't know what kind of bad luck he's had --	"I can imagine. You said you wanted nothing to do with this. You swore to me. ""Don't come near me. Don't bring this into my life..."""
+Are you asking me?	No, I mean...
+What does this mean?	It means they hate his freaking guts. It means if he were on fire they wouldn't put him out.
+It means they hate his freaking guts. It means if he were on fire they wouldn't put him out.	He's just ... trying a little too hard --
+How much less?	Never would be plenty.
+Never would be plenty.	I can't do that to him. He's pushing a little too hard - but... I just can't do that to him.
+Um, yeah, I was gonna ...	What's the deal? Did anybody make a decision -
+What's the deal? Did anybody make a decision -	Ed, look, uh... you're not getting the job. They're gonna transfer someone from another store to manage this store when I leave to manage the new store. I'm sorry.
+Ed, look, uh... you're not getting the job. They're gonna transfer someone from another store to manage this store when I leave to manage the new store. I'm sorry.	Oh, Christ. Did you go to bat for me?
+Oh, Christ. Did you go to bat for me?	I batted!
+I batted!	You batted or you bunted?
+You batted or you bunted?	Hey. I went as far as I felt comfortable. I mean, you know, let's face it -- you come and go here as you please. You work when you feel like it -- you know, Bruce Springsteen's birthday is not a legal holiday.
+Hey. I went as far as I felt comfortable. I mean, you know, let's face it -- you come and go here as you please. You work when you feel like it -- you know, Bruce Springsteen's birthday is not a legal holiday.	Well, then I'm quitting.
+Well, then I'm quitting.	"Ed, come on. What's that gonna do? You're gonna bring Blockbuster to their knees. Let me recommend a movie to you. It's called ""Get your shit together before it's too late."""
+"Ed, come on. What's that gonna do? You're gonna bring Blockbuster to their knees. Let me recommend a movie to you. It's called ""Get your shit together before it's too late."""	Who's in it?
+Hey, Lou.	Welcome to work, Ed.
+Yeah...	I hear the dog really liked him.
+I hear the dog really liked him.	Oh, the whole family loved him. Of course, they loved the last guy I went out with, and he strung me along for three years and dumped me.
+Oh, the whole family loved him. Of course, they loved the last guy I went out with, and he strung me along for three years and dumped me.	Really? You see, to me, you shouldn't have any trouble with men. There should be, like, a line behind you.
+Are you sure about this?	Hey, believe me -1 know I've got a great chance of making a fool of myself, here.
+Hey, believe me -1 know I've got a great chance of making a fool of myself, here.	Why do it?
+Why do it?	I saw this show once. It was about logging. I was home sick, there was nothing else on. Do you know how they break up really bad log jams? You know, when they're really tangled... ?
+I saw this show once. It was about logging. I was home sick, there was nothing else on. Do you know how they break up really bad log jams? You know, when they're really tangled... ?	Cream rinse?
+Cream rinse?	Dynamite.
+Dynamite.	So?
+So?	So maybe this is my dynamite.
+So maybe this is my dynamite.	Dynamite is dangerous.
+You do though, you look great.	Right.
+Right.	"No, no, I -- as soon as you came in tonight I said to John, ""Boy Shari looks beautiful."" I said it on TV so you can ask anybody who saw it."
+What do you want?!	Shari, I'm just really sorry. Look, I know this is... unbelievably awkward, but if I could come in for like a second and -- you know -- just say... two words, then...
+Don't defend that horse's ass to me.	I'm not. I'm not. I'm just Look -- you know, in a way, it's good. He got this out of his system now and he knows it's not worth it and, you know, someday if you guys got married or something --
+I'm not. I'm not. I'm just Look -- you know, in a way, it's good. He got this out of his system now and he knows it's not worth it and, you know, someday if you guys got married or something --	Ha!
+Ha!	Okay ...
+Okay ...	I've got news for you-- I never intended to marry him.
+I've got news for you-- I never intended to marry him.	Oh... how come?
+I mean bad.	Look, not having been there... I just think you're hurt and you're saying this to, you know, get back at him.
+Really?	Yeah.
+Oh my God.	It's... okay
+It's... okay	I kissed my boyfriend's brother on television!
+I kissed my boyfriend's brother on television!	Well, when you put it that way.
+Well, when you put it that way.	Leave. Go.
+Leave. Go.	Can't we just --
+Can't we just --	Go!
+Go!	All right. Okay. I'11 ... see you.
+Really?	Yeah. I mean for months I've been seeing you with Ray you being his girlfriend and I kept wishing you were my girlfriend... But, you know, what could I do?
+Yeah. I mean for months I've been seeing you with Ray you being his girlfriend and I kept wishing you were my girlfriend... But, you know, what could I do?	Me too. I mean I'm going out with Ray and I'm... thinking about you.
+Me too. I mean I'm going out with Ray and I'm... thinking about you.	Really?
+Really?	Oh God, this is so weird.
+Oh God, this is so weird.	Weird? If this happened last month it would've been weird. Now with... the TV and... now it's just too weird.
+What are you doing?	I missed you.
+You know, I never saw you in your uniform before.	Yeah, well...
+It's really a tremendous turnoff.	You should see the one we wear when it rains.
+You should see the one we wear when it rains.	Sunday night at the Devils game, I'm driving the Zamboni.
+Sunday night at the Devils game, I'm driving the Zamboni.	The what?
+The what?	You know, the big machine that cleans the ice.
+You know, the big machine that cleans the ice.	Oh yeah.
+Oh yeah.	It's quite an honor. Will you come with me?
+Oh -- Sunday is good for me to meet your folks. We get a big family audience on Sundays so it works out.	That's lucky.
+That's lucky.	Saturday, I think we should
+I wish my stepfather was here.	Why?
+Why?	He could give me some oxygen.
+Um...	What?
+I told you. If we... you know do it, they go away until ... we're done.	I know, but even if they go away, everybody in America knows what we're doing because... they went away.
+I know, but even if they go away, everybody in America knows what we're doing because... they went away.	So? What do they think -- we're not kids --
+So? What do they think -- we're not kids --	I know, I ...
+I know, I ...	Shari, I really like you...
+Shari, I really like you...	I really like you too...
+I really like you too...	...if this ...  ... weren't here... ?
+...if this ...  ... weren't here... ?	... yeah, then, but...
+... yeah, then, but...	So...?
+So...?	Ed... I think we should stop seeing each other.
+I have no privacy. Even now! I'm crying and I can't stop and they won't go away. And now it's going to be another month!	Shari...
+Shari...	Everybody hates me!
+Everybody hates me!	No. Who?
+No. Who?	Look at this.
+Page three of the Post.	Ohh...
+Ohh...	"A poll. ""Is Shari Good Enough for Ed?"" Seventy-one per cent said ""no.""  They hate me!"
+"A poll. ""Is Shari Good Enough for Ed?"" Seventy-one per cent said ""no.""  They hate me!"	Who cares? I don't ca -- No. I do care.  Shame on everybody. Shame on you! Well, just the seventy-one percent. The other...
+Who cares? I don't ca -- No. I do care.  Shame on everybody. Shame on you! Well, just the seventy-one percent. The other...	Twenty-nine.
+Twenty-nine.	"Exactly. Boy, you're smart.  Why are you so mean to her? What did she do to you?  ""Is she good enough for Ed?"" Who the hell am I?  Who the hell do you think I should be dating?"
+"Exactly. Boy, you're smart.  Why are you so mean to her? What did she do to you?  ""Is she good enough for Ed?"" Who the hell am I?  Who the hell do you think I should be dating?"	There's a list.
+There's a list.	Really?
+Really?	Ed?
+I tried to tell you over the phone -- my parents went to Atlantic City.	So?
+So?	So my little brother's staying here. I'm sleeping with Rita.
+So my little brother's staying here. I'm sleeping with Rita.	Oh Je -- couldn't he sleep with Rita? We'11 all have a good time.
+Oh Je -- couldn't he sleep with Rita? We'11 all have a good time.	I'm sorry.
+I'm sorry.	Come on, let's go.
+Come on, let's go.	Where?
+Where?	Somewhere.
+I feel like a criminal or, like we're cheating on someone.	Just... just relax. Okay? We won't do anything. We'11 just sit here for a while.
+Just... just relax. Okay? We won't do anything. We'11 just sit here for a while.	Okay.
+Okay.	Come on...
+I need to talk.	Are you all right?
+Are you all right?	"She lied to me. I mean all my life, she's telling me one story and then... it turns out to be a completely different story. Come to me at some point -- tell me the truth. No. Not in my house. The truth is a stranger. And this is why Ray and Marcia are the way they are. Marcia gets involved with all these losers and sees no problem with herself - ""How do they find me"" she says. Ray cheats on you and then blames me for it. I'm the only one in the family who takes any responsibility for himself... Oh, man... Are you all right?"
+"She lied to me. I mean all my life, she's telling me one story and then... it turns out to be a completely different story. Come to me at some point -- tell me the truth. No. Not in my house. The truth is a stranger. And this is why Ray and Marcia are the way they are. Marcia gets involved with all these losers and sees no problem with herself - ""How do they find me"" she says. Ray cheats on you and then blames me for it. I'm the only one in the family who takes any responsibility for himself... Oh, man... Are you all right?"	Yeah... I saw that girl come on to you at the TV show.
+Yeah... I saw that girl come on to you at the TV show.	Oh that was... no, I ... she just kind of trapped me into giving her a ride. It's you. I want you.
+Oh that was... no, I ... she just kind of trapped me into giving her a ride. It's you. I want you.	...yeah?
+It's not their fault.	No. It's your fault.
+What do you want me to do? You want me to quit the show?!	No... Could you?
+No... Could you?	No. If I quit I don't get the balloon payment.
+No. If I quit I don't get the balloon payment.	The what?
+The what?	Ray borrowed this whole tub of money against this balloon payment that I don't get if I qu -- it's too complicated. I -- Besides...
+Ray borrowed this whole tub of money against this balloon payment that I don't get if I qu -- it's too complicated. I -- Besides...	What?
+"You see how people look at me. Like when they ask for my autograph or say ""Hi"" to me... It's like I'm a basketball player or a... you know, like I'm someone."	Everybody's someone.
+Everybody's someone.	"Well, yeah, everybody's someone. But I mean someone they want to be. I mean let's face it, I'm working in the video store, no one's coming in saying ""oh, I wish I was that guy. 1 wish was rewinding that huge pile of tapes."" At least for a month I'm not just a guy with a name tag. I'm famous."
+This is going right up your ass.	Come on.
+Kinda'.	"It's what I do. I yell ""Geronimo"" and jump out of a relationship."
+You weren't able to make me feel safe or secure -- no easy job for any  man, I admit -- and my problem is, if I think I'm losing, I pull myself out of the game. I bail. See? I told you, I'm the love coroner.	What did you do to your hair?
+What did you do to your hair?	My truck overheated, so I opened the hood and my hair got caught in the fan belt. So I had to get a haircut.
+My truck overheated, so I opened the hood and my hair got caught in the fan belt. So I had to get a haircut.	It's nice.
+Let's have a contest. Now this would mostly be open to professional investigators and detectives. But anyone can join in.	What do we have to do?
+What do we have to do?	My lovely assistant, Shari. I'm glad you asked. The contest is who can dig up -- legally, of course -- I'm not suggesting that anyone break any laws -- the most embarrassing and humiliating facts about any of the executives here at the North American Broadcasting System which owns Real TV.
+But facts! They have to be verified. Anything from their past, their present, business, personal -- arrests, affairs ... And whoever comes up with the sleaziest, most degrading material -- I'11 give you ten thousand dollars. And you get to be on Ed TV.  Hah?	So act now. Here's Ed's home phone number.
+What's up?	Where were you?
+Where were you?	I was... having dinner with Shari and her parents.
+What do you mean all of a sudden? You've been going with her six months.	"I know. I mean I'm sitting there and her father's asking me about my ""career prospects"" and I'm playing ""Risk,"" with her kid brother, Leon and at dinner the dog's sniffing at my balls -- at least I hope it was the dog. 'Cause her mother disappeared for a while."
+You know, that would be like a great thing.	What?
+What?	That! Being that guy. Being the guy they watch.
+That! Being that guy. Being the guy they watch.	What are you drunk?
+What are you drunk?	Yeah, but let's stay on one subject. Whoever that person is is going to be famous. They'll be able to get whatever they want. They'll ... trust me, this is my business.
+Yeah, but let's stay on one subject. Whoever that person is is going to be famous. They'll be able to get whatever they want. They'll ... trust me, this is my business.	What is?!
+What is?!	Show business.
+Show business.	You're in show business?
+You're in show business?	Yeah. I service video equipment.
+Yeah. I service video equipment.	That's like... those people stitching Nikes in Panama saying they're in the NBA.
+That's like... those people stitching Nikes in Panama saying they're in the NBA.	I'm not stitching Nikes in Panama! ... Bedwetter!
+I'm not stitching Nikes in Panama! ... Bedwetter!	Thumbsucker!
+Thumbsucker!	I'm making a tape.
+I'm making a tape.	We're excited.
+I got your message. Way to go!	Hi, Shari.  Let's go in the stockroom.
+I ... I'm not gonna do it.	What?
+What?	Look -- there's a million ways to humiliate yourself - I gotta think of a new way? I mean, it's all day! Every minute. Id be like a monkey at the zoo. I just...
+Look -- there's a million ways to humiliate yourself - I gotta think of a new way? I mean, it's all day! Every minute. Id be like a monkey at the zoo. I just...	Oh man! They couldn't pick me! They had to pick you!
+You would do this? You would actually --	In a second! In a hot second. Let me ask you something --
+In a second! In a hot second. Let me ask you something --	Why do you do that?
+Why do you do that?	What?
+What?	"Whenever you ask me something why do you always say ""Let me ask you something?"" Why don't you just ask me?"
+"Whenever you ask me something why do you always say ""Let me ask you something?"" Why don't you just ask me?"	All right. Let me ask you something... are you happy like this?
+All right. Let me ask you something... are you happy like this?	I'm doing all right.
+I'm doing all right.	Oh Yeah? What's your master plan here?
+"You're gonna be a video store clerk for the rest of your life? This is your big ambition, rearranging the ""Ernest"" movies?"	Screw off.
+Screw off.	How many opportunities are you going to get in your life?
+How many opportunities are you going to get in your life?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	That's right. You don't know. Doors don't fly open for guys like us.
+That's right. You don't know. Doors don't fly open for guys like us.	Hey. You know-- we're not the same. I got a good life, this job suits me. I come and go when I please --
+Hey. You know-- we're not the same. I got a good life, this job suits me. I come and go when I please --	Oh, don't bullshit a bullshitter. If you're happy like this you're an idiot, and you're not an idiot.  Hi.
+All right.	Yeah?!
+Yeah?!	Yeah.
+Polish acrobat.	Hey. Check this out.  Look at this.
+Okay, I just wanted to get your attention. My name is Ray and my friend Bucky and I design video systems. You've got an office or a big home, we'11 come out there design you an entire system.	See, they should've picked him. Look how comfortable he is out there.
+Hey, Ed. Did you hear about Marcia?	No. What happened?
+No. What happened?	That's our sister.  She's got a new boyfriend.
+Ray, maybe this isn't ...	No, this is great.  You'll love this.  He's a singer.
+No, this is great.  You'll love this.  He's a singer.	Marcia's living with a singer?
+Marcia's living with a singer?	Yeah. You know, piano bars. plays the piano and sings. That's how they met.
+I mean my question is what was she doing in a bar in the first place?	Ray --
+Ray --	She's an alcoholic, for Christ's sake.
+She's an alcoholic, for Christ's sake.	Oh, Jesus.
+Remember the last guy she got involved with? What was his name?	What's the dif --
+What's the dif --	Richie!  She spent six months dating a criminal
+Richie!  She spent six months dating a criminal	She didn't know he was a criminal. They had a relationship. They --
+She didn't know he was a criminal. They had a relationship. They --	"""Quick pull off the highway"" is not a relationship. Oh man, I gotta pee."
+What are you, hiding from the Police?  Show your face, you look great.  Doesn't she look great.	Great.
+Great.	While I'm gone, tell them about our cousin Lenny who's gay. We knew from when he was five.
+Who is it?	It's me, Ed.
+Hi.	You watching the ballgame?
+You watching the ballgame?	Uh, no, uh I'm a little tired. I fell asleep.
+Uh, no, uh I'm a little tired. I fell asleep.	Oh. All right. I'11 watch at home, then.
+Oh. All right. I'11 watch at home, then.	Yeah...
+Hello... Shari, hi... Oh no! ... Oh God!	We'd better go...
+What is this? What's going on, who is that?	"It's the receptionist at one of the places I service video equipment -- she's very pretty and, you know, she never even talks to me and then today I come in and she's all ""I saw you on TV the other night... You were so great ... "" Next thing I know we're ..."
+"It's the receptionist at one of the places I service video equipment -- she's very pretty and, you know, she never even talks to me and then today I come in and she's all ""I saw you on TV the other night... You were so great ... "" Next thing I know we're ..."	Next thing you know! Why didn't you stop?
+Next thing you know! Why didn't you stop?	Stop? I'm a guy. I don't stop. The woman's supposed to stop. We're the gas, they're the brakes.
+I don't even know her. All I know is she likes Snapple.	No, not her. Shari. Go over there and talk to her
+Why me?	You brought the cameras here!
+You brought the cameras here!	You brought the girl!
+You brought the girl!	Please!
+Please!	If I go over to Shari, the camera's going there, too.
+... Ray?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Oh, man, I've been trying to call you.
+Oh, man, I've been trying to call you.	I know.
+I know.	Look, we gotta talk.
+Look, we gotta talk.	Save it.
+What are we gonna fight? Ray, please, listen to me --	Cassie...
+Good-bye, brother!	Ray, come an--
+Cliff left her, thanks to you.	Me?!
+Me?!	That's right. You put Cliff on television. So then he decided he was too good for her and he left.
+That's right. You put Cliff on television. So then he decided he was too good for her and he left.	I put his -- who --  Look, Marsh, he's not that good a singer, he'll be back.
+Come on, Ma.	"Let's remember how I got into this. ""Please, Eddie, do this for me. I can't get a break."""
+"Let's remember how I got into this. ""Please, Eddie, do this for me. I can't get a break."""	You know what your problem is?
+You know what your problem is?	"Yeah. My problem is I've got a brother who writes a sentence like ""We grew up in a small, little bedroom."" As opposed to a big, little bedroom?"
+"Yeah. My problem is I've got a brother who writes a sentence like ""We grew up in a small, little bedroom."" As opposed to a big, little bedroom?"	I got paid by the word! No! Your problem is you don't ever want anything to be your fault.
+I got paid by the word! No! Your problem is you don't ever want anything to be your fault.	Me?! That's you!
+Me?! That's you!	I commit. I take a chance. You wanted to be the guy on TV, but you didn't want to say you wanted to. So you have me talk you into it so you get what you want, but if it goes bad it's not your fault.
+"And each contestant gets one of these.  An ""I tried to screw a network executive"" tee-shirt."	A hundred per cent cotton. Okay, here we go, Andy.
+Ray, where do you keep the glasses?	Oh, is Shari here? Why didn't you just say so? Why are you giving me a song-and-dance about being tired?
+Oh, is Shari here? Why didn't you just say so? Why are you giving me a song-and-dance about being tired?	Hi, Shari.
+Hi, Shari.	Who's Shari?
+Who's Shari?	Who's --
+Mr. Pekurny. I'm sorry to bother you. My son would just love to have your autograph.	No problema.  You want a picture?
+No -- keep it.	I love you! 1 want to marry you!
+Hello.	Hi.
+You don't recognize me.	No. Am I supposed to?
+Who is it?	It's Ed.
+Quite a shithole, isn't it?	It could be, if you fixed it up. How did you... ? I mean how does anyone ... wind up like this?
+It could be, if you fixed it up. How did you... ? I mean how does anyone ... wind up like this?	I was in jail.
+I was in jail.	The whole time? Eighteen years?
+The whole time? Eighteen years?	No. Two times.
+No. Two times.	What...
+What...	Check forging.
+Check forging.	Oh, man! So...
+Oh, man! So...	The last two years, I've been a limousine driver, but I don't see well anymore, so...
+The last two years, I've been a limousine driver, but I don't see well anymore, so...	"So you saw me on TV and you said ""Hey, let me jump on this."""
+"So you saw me on TV and you said ""Hey, let me jump on this."""	I need help. How many times if just one little thing that I needed would've happened, it would've changed everything. If I had a few dollars when an opportunity came along or... the tumblers just never clicked for me.
+All right... This is my father, I don't know what the hell he can do, but if anyone out there can help him -- get him a job - I'11 ... help you. I'11 ... mention your business or ... I don't know, we'11 figure it out.  I gotta go.	Ed... I'm sorry.
+Ed... I'm sorry.	Yeah? That's good. Sorry is good. You know I finished that model.
+Yeah? That's good. Sorry is good. You know I finished that model.	What...
+What...	The pirate ship.
+"-- That we were doing ""together."" I finished it. It came out great! Because no one was standing over my shoulder bothering me - ""That's too much glue. You're using too much glue."""	Do you still have it?
+Do you still have it?	No. Ray sat on it. I'11 see you.
+That girl's an idiot.	What?... Why?
+Hi.	Hi.
+I'm Jill. I really like your show. I think you're great.	Thanks... That's ...
+Oh, yeah, I love those. Yeah... those are funny...	Well, it was really nice meeting you and, uh...  I'd better get a cab.
+Um... They gave me a limo, uh...	Oh, great! Thanks. I'm just going uptown.
+Oh!!	We have to stop meeting like this.
+We have to stop meeting like this.	Hm?
+Are you busy tomorrow night?	No.
+No.	Why don't you come over. And I'11 make dinner. And you bring a movie. And ... We'11 make a night of it ... okay?
+Why don't you come over. And I'11 make dinner. And you bring a movie. And ... We'11 make a night of it ... okay?	Sure.
+Can I help with anything?	No. It's going to be about a half-hour.
+No. It's going to be about a half-hour.	What is? Oh, dinner!
+Mm.	Good?
+Good?	Mm.
+Ohhh...	Ed?
+Ed?	Ohh... do you own a cat?
+Ohh... do you own a cat?	Yeah. Why?
+Look, can we all just sign the releases so we can get on with this?	"What happened? You described this ""crazy-kooky"" family who'd be a million laughs on TV?"
+We don't have foibles.	Everyone has foibles. Then the whole country sees them on TV and mocks them. Then we have... mocked foibles.
+Look, my life is not so great, that I want it shown on television. And neither is yours.	That's the point -- this could change things.
+That's the point -- this could change things.	How?
+How?	For instance... me and my friend Bucky are buying out my boss. His equipment, trucks, client list, the whole shmear.
+For instance... me and my friend Bucky are buying out my boss. His equipment, trucks, client list, the whole shmear.	What does that have to do with... ?
+What does that have to do with... ?	If they keep Ed on for one full month, he gets a balloon payment.
+Sign here, please.	That Ray was a pig. Ed is doll. You latch on to him honey.
+That Ray was a pig. Ed is doll. You latch on to him honey.	By the X.
+By the X.	Some more make-up wouldn't do you any harm. On TV you look a little washed out.
+Some more make-up wouldn't do you any harm. On TV you look a little washed out.	What would I actually have to do to get you to sign this?
+What would I actually have to do to get you to sign this?	Oh, an TV a minute and already an attitude.
+Oh, an TV a minute and already an attitude.	By the X. That's were two lines cross -- forming an X.
+Yo --	pierdo.
+pierdo.	Tu
+Tu	pierdes.
+pierdes.	El/ella -
+El/ella -	pierde.
+A few months before the election, she'd had an affair with my best friend Dave Novotny.	Don't tell me that.  I don't want to know that.
+Don't tell me that.  I don't want to know that.	She's incredible.  Everything just gets soaked.
+You could tell Dave was one of those guys who taught because they never wanted to leave high school in the first place, and that could get a little irritating sometimes, but basically he was a real good guy.	Foxy. . . Foxy. . . You know you're a cute little heartbreaker... Foxy... You know you're a sweet little love maker...
+You did it at your house?  Your own house?	Look, Jim...  Okay.  I know it all seems crazy, and maybe it did start out, you know, for the... for the sex and the danger.  But now it's different.  Jim, what I'm trying to tell you is that Tracy and I are totally, totally in love.
+Look, Jim...  Okay.  I know it all seems crazy, and maybe it did start out, you know, for the... for the sex and the danger.  But now it's different.  Jim, what I'm trying to tell you is that Tracy and I are totally, totally in love.	In love?
+In love?	Yeah, it's serious.  I mean she inspires me in ways Sherry never has. She even wants to read my novel.
+Yeah, it's serious.  I mean she inspires me in ways Sherry never has. She even wants to read my novel.	But you haven't written your novel.
+But you haven't written your novel.	That's the whole point. It's all in my head; it's right here.  I just got to get it out there. Tracy wants me to write it so she can read it.  It's beautiful.
+That's the whole point. It's all in my head; it's right here.  I just got to get it out there. Tracy wants me to write it so she can read it.  It's beautiful.	Dave, I'm just saying this as your friend.  What you're doing is really, really wrong, and you've got to stop.
+You're not just jealous, are you?  I mean, we both used to talk about her	That was just talk!  Fantasy talk! What are you, nuts?  We talk about girls all the time, but it doesn't mean anything. I would never. . . I mean, I take very seriously our strict moral code.  The line you've crossed is... it's illegal and it's immoral.
+That was just talk!  Fantasy talk! What are you, nuts?  We talk about girls all the time, but it doesn't mean anything. I would never. . . I mean, I take very seriously our strict moral code.  The line you've crossed is... it's illegal and it's immoral.	I don't need a lecture on ethics, Jim, okay?  I know what --
+I don't need a lecture on ethics, Jim, okay?  I know what --	I'm not talking about ethics.  I'm talking about morals.
+Sherry   Sherry  Sheerrry. ...	He ended up moving back to Milwaukee to live with his parents. I haven't heard from him in a long time. Poor guy. I warned him.
+One night he took us editors out to celebrate after a deadline. Eventually Dave and I were left alone and we got to talking - not like teacher and student, but like two adults.	You know, Tracy... I don't know how to say this, but...
+what?	Well, I notice you don't seem to have any close friends at Millard. You seem to be kind of a loner.
+Well, I notice you don't seem to have any close friends at Millard. You seem to be kind of a loner.	No, I'm not. I'm just really busy.
+No, I'm not. I'm just really busy.	I know.  I know its not by choice.  I just mean, well, being the kind of person you are, it must be really difficult to find someone you can talk to.
+I know.  I know its not by choice.  I just mean, well, being the kind of person you are, it must be really difficult to find someone you can talk to.	What do you mean? What kind of person am I?
+What do you mean? What kind of person am I?	What kind of person?
+Tracy, I've been watching you for going on two years now, and I think you are one of the most talented, hard-working, sensitive, attractive, brilliant students -- no, human beings -- I have ever met.  I mean, you're the real thing.  Special.	Thank you.
+Thank you.	And I know sometimes people like you have to pay a price for their greatness, and that price is loneliness.
+It was the first time somebody ever saw the real me, the me that nobody else knows.	Here, get down.
+Thank God for Diane.  She was my best friend, my source of love and strength. Oh sure, we'd had our share of bumpy times, but we'd always seen them through.  After nine years of marriage, we were closer than ever.  And the secret? Good communication.	Anything wrong?
+Anything wrong?	Everything's fine.  Just, you know, school.
+Around that time Diane and I were hanging out a lot at Sherry Novotny's house, giving her our love and support and helping her make it through a difficult time.	Jim, don't.  You're scaring him.
+Jim, don't.  You're scaring him.	He likes it.
+You gonna do it? You gonna do it?	Yeah, uh, just a minute
+Yeah, uh, just a minute	Come on, doit. Doit. Fill me up. Come on, fill me up
+Come on, doit. Doit. Fill me up. Come on, fill me up	Yeah, just --
+Yeah, just --	Do it!
+How'd it go?	Fine. You know. We just went to Crossroads.
+Fine. You know. We just went to Crossroads.	You guys have fun?
+Yeah. No. I mean, you know.	What?
+What?	Well, Sherry's great.  But she can be a little much sometimes.
+Don't you smartass me!  Don't you dare smartass me!  You just shut your mouth I  Now your mother and I have had a long talk with Halt Hendricks  --- we just got off the phone with him at home. You know, he doesn't want you back at Millard.  He's fed up with you.  Fed up!  And I don't blame him!	Dick... Dick,..
+Dick... Dick,..	What?
+What?	Tammy,  now we've come to a decision. He just think it would be best --
+Tammy,  now we've come to a decision. He just think it would be best --	You're going to Catholic school next year.  You're going to Sacred Heart. Maybe they'll straighten you out!
+Having a problem with your eye there?	Dick.
+All right.  Well, sure nice to meet you.	So nice
+What?  Right.  So let's start counting.	Well, I thought that... well, the way it always works is that SGA president does a count, then the SGA advisor, you know, for the two independent counts.
+Well, I thought that... well, the way it always works is that SGA president does a count, then the SGA advisor, you know, for the two independent counts.	Fine.  So do your count.  Start with president, and I'll be right back.
+Fine.  So do your count.  Start with president, and I'll be right back.	You have the key, Mr. McAllister.
+I just want to get this over with, so we can have the assembly and go home. We don't have much time until eighth period.  I have other things going on, too, you know.	Okay.  Yeah.  We know
+Okay.  Yeah.  We know	All right.  I'll be back
+What d'you got?	I'm not supposed to tell. Not until you've counted too. We're each supposed to make an independent count.
+I'm not supposed to tell. Not until you've counted too. We're each supposed to make an independent count.	You're kidding, right?
+You're kidding, right?	I thought those were the rules, Mr. McAllister. If they've changed in any way --
+I thought those were the rules, Mr. McAllister. If they've changed in any way --	Larry, we're not electing the fucking Pope here. Just tell me who won.
+Mr. M.?	Huh.  Okay.  Well, I guess I'd better do my count.
+Larry?	Yeah?
+Yeah?	I think we've got a problem.
+Mostly Tammy fans	See, it doesn't add up. There are only 801 ballots but 803 people voted. Two votes are missing. Check the register.
+See, it doesn't add up. There are only 801 ballots but 803 people voted. Two votes are missing. Check the register.	He's right. Two people must have pocketed their ballots. Usually it's more.
+He's right. Two people must have pocketed their ballots. Usually it's more.	But, they were there I counted 803 votes.
+But, they were there I counted 803 votes.	It happens, Larry. People make mistakes.
+It happens, Larry. People make mistakes.	I didn't make a mistake. Every vote was there when you sac down
+Larry? We've got twenty-five minutes until the assembly, and we still have to do counts for VP, Treasurer and Secretary. Mr. Hendricks and I have both verified the numbers, and unless you can come up with the ballots you claim are missing -	But, Mr. M. -
+Good morning, Mr. McAllister.	Not wasting any time, are you, Tracy?
+Not wasting any time, are you, Tracy?	You know what they say about the early bird.
+You know what they say about the early bird.	Yes, I do.
+Well, good luck there, Tracy	Thanks, Mr. M.
+Okay.  But we're still missing something key here.  What are we missing?	I know.
+I know.	Tracy.
+Tracy.	Ethics are...
+Now at the end of her junior year, Tracy was poised to win the presidency of the student body.  And so far she was running unopposed.	...the rules of conduct determined by a culture at a...
+...the rules of conduct determined by a culture at a...	Oh.  There's one more thing about Tracy I think you should know.
+I got all my signatures.  One hundred and fifty-eight -- way more than I need!	Hey, that's super
+Hey, that's super	Here they are.
+Here they are.	You can put those in my box.  I'll look at them tomorrow.
+You can put those in my box.  I'll look at them tomorrow.	Could you approve them now?  I'd like to kick off my campaign right away, you know, in the morning.
+Could you approve them now?  I'd like to kick off my campaign right away, you know, in the morning.	Right
+Looks good to me.	Aren't you supposed to keep them?
+Aren't you supposed to keep them?	NO, that's fine
+NO, that's fine	I thought you were supposed to keep them.
+I thought you were supposed to keep them.	Okay, fine. Sure
+Thanks for everything.	You bet.
+I can't wait to start campaigning.	Should be easy.  So far no competition.
+Should be easy.  So far no competition.	Hell, you know, Coca-Cola's the world's number one soft drink, but they spend more money than anybody on advertising. I guess that's how come they stay number one.
+Hell, you know, Coca-Cola's the world's number one soft drink, but they spend more money than anybody on advertising. I guess that's how come they stay number one.	Yeah.  Okay.  well, good luck Tracy
+You know, Mr. M., when I win the presidency, that means you and I are going to be spending a lot of time together next year.  And I for one would like that time to be harmonious and productive. Wouldn't you?	Sure
+Sure	Okay. That's good. I just wanted to make sure.
+Okay. That's good. I just wanted to make sure.	Good luck, Tracy.
+Fuck me, Mr. McAllister	So like I was saying, things were going pretty well in my life.
+You're the advisor.  You should stop her.  She's not qualified.  She's just a sophomore.	Calm down, Tracy.  Just calm down.
+Calm down, Tracy.  Just calm down.	Are you sure all her signatures are real?  It's not easy to get all those signatures.
+Are you sure all her signatures are real?  It's not easy to get all those signatures.	As far as I know, they--
+These are a bunch of burn-outs. And look at this one, I can't even read this one.	Looks like Tim Kobza.
+Tim Kobza?  Tim Kobza!  Who's he? I've never heard of him!	Look, why don't we just forget about Tammy?  We'll have the assembly tomorrow, everybody'll make their speeches, and I'm sure everything will be fine.
+I guess you know why you're here	If it's about the posters, I think it's so awful. It's a travesty.
+If it's about the posters, I think it's so awful. It's a travesty.	A travesty.  Huh.  That's interesting, because I think you did it.
+A travesty.  Huh.  That's interesting, because I think you did it.	Wait - are you accusing me? You're not serious.  I can't... Mr. McAllister, we have worked together on SGA for three solid years and... I mean, I can't believe it. I'm... I'm shocked!
+Mr. M., I am running on my qualifications.  I would never need to resort to, you know, to vandalism like a, you know... Plus, my own best banner was torn down.  Did I do that too?	Were you or were you not working in the Watchdog office over the weekend?
+Were you or were you not working in the Watchdog office over the weekend?	I was.  So?  Mr. Pecharda let me in. As you know, with all my responsibilities I often come in on the weekend and have permission to do so. But I left very early, around 6:30.
+I was.  So?  Mr. Pecharda let me in. As you know, with all my responsibilities I often come in on the weekend and have permission to do so. But I left very early, around 6:30.	6:30.  How do you know what time the posters were torn down?
+6:30.  How do you know what time the posters were torn down?	I don't.  I just know they were there when I left.  I'm giving you helpful information is all.  You know, instead of wasting time interrogating me, we should be out there trying to find out who did this.
+I don't.  I just know they were there when I left.  I'm giving you helpful information is all.  You know, instead of wasting time interrogating me, we should be out there trying to find out who did this.	"Okay, Tracy, so who do you think did it?  Whom should we ""interrogate?"""
+"Okay, Tracy, so who do you think did it?  Whom should we ""interrogate?"""	well, I don't know.  It could have been anybody.  There are a lot of, you know, subversive elements around Millard.  You know, like Rick Thieson and Kevin Speck and those burn-outs.  Or Doug Schenken - what about him?  Or what about Tammy Metzier?  Her whole thing is being anti- this and anti-that.
+You're a very intelligent girl, Tracy. You have many admirable qualities.  But someday maybe you'll learn that being smart and always being on top and doing whatever you need to do to get ahead, and yes, stepping on people to get there, well, there's a lot more to life than that.  And in the end, you're only cheating yourself.	Why are you lecturing me?
+Why are you lecturing me?	This isn't the time or the place to get into it, but there is, for just one example, a certain former colleague of mine, who made a very big mistake, a life mistake.  I think the lesson there is that, old and young, we ail make mistakes, and we have to learn that our actions, all of them, can carry serious consequences.  You're very young, Tracy underage, in fact -- but maybe one day you'll understand.
+This isn't the time or the place to get into it, but there is, for just one example, a certain former colleague of mine, who made a very big mistake, a life mistake.  I think the lesson there is that, old and young, we ail make mistakes, and we have to learn that our actions, all of them, can carry serious consequences.  You're very young, Tracy underage, in fact -- but maybe one day you'll understand.	I don't know what you're referring to, but I do know that if certain older and wiser people hadn't acted like such little babies and gotten all mushy, everything would be okay.
+I don't know what you're referring to, but I do know that if certain older and wiser people hadn't acted like such little babies and gotten all mushy, everything would be okay.	I agree.  But I also think certain young and naive people need to thank their lucky stars and be very, very grateful the whole school didn't find out about certain indiscretions which could have ruined their reputations, and chances to win certain elections.
+I agree.  But I also think certain young and naive people need to thank their lucky stars and be very, very grateful the whole school didn't find out about certain indiscretions which could have ruined their reputations, and chances to win certain elections.	"And I think certain older persons like you and your ""colleague"" shouldn't be leaching after their students, especially when some of them can't even get their own wives pregnant.  And they certainly shouldn't be running around making slanderous accusations. Especially when certain young, naive people's mothers are para-legal secretaries at the city's biggest law firm and have won many successful lawsuits. And if you want to keep questioning me like this, I won't continue without my attorney present."
+Yes?	Looks like today's your lucky day
+What do you mean?	You're off the hook. Tammy here has confessed.
+I told you!  I told you!  You're going to pay for my banner!	That's enough, Tracy.  Quit while you're ahead, okay?  I'll handle this.  Could you ask Walt to come in?
+Act surprised. Walk slowly to the podium.  Be modest.  Thank them for this incredible honor.	That said, the whole point of an election is to choose winners, and that you have done.  We'll begin with president.
+Hello, Mr. M.	Hello, Tracy.
+So what brings you here?	I'm looking at new cars.
+I'm looking at new cars.	Oh.  New cars.  I see.  Well, you came to the right place
+Oh.  New cars.  I see.  Well, you came to the right place	My mother's buying me a new car for college.
+My mother's buying me a new car for college.	Huh.  Right.  College.  Wow.  Where are you going?  Where 'd you get into?
+Huh.  Right.  College.  Wow.  Where are you going?  Where 'd you get into?	Well, I got in everywhere I applied, but Cornell is my first choice.
+Well, I got in everywhere I applied, but Cornell is my first choice.	Good for you.  Good for you
+So, are you looking for something sporty or more practical?	Sporty.
+Where to?	Anywhere you want.  Just so long as we're not gone more than a half-hour.
+Handles pretty good, don't you think?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Plenty of pep, too.
+Plenty of pep, too.	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	And this model comes with ABS and dual air bags standard.
+And this model comes with ABS and dual air bags standard.	That sounds good.
+So Tracy?	Yes?
+Yes?	Why are you doing this?
+Why are you doing this?	Doing what?
+Doing what?	Coming to see me.  Are you trying to. . humiliate me?
+Coming to see me.  Are you trying to. . humiliate me?	Nooo.  I just thought...  l mean, I am looking for a new car.  But I just thought, well, I'm going away soon, and you'll be stuck here and, I don't know, I just think maybe if things had been different we might have been, well, friends. Real friends.  And then things would be different.  Don't you think?
+Well, I... I... that's very nice of you.	I've got an idea.
+What's this?	My house.
+I want you to do something for me.	Swallows, unsure what heaven or hell awaits him.
+Swallows, unsure what heaven or hell awaits him.	I just have to get something. I'll be right back.
+Oh, is this...?  God. First one of these I haven't been in for a long time.	Would you sign it for me?
+What a surprise.	Take as much room as you want
+I'm scared, Mr. M. I kind of don't feel ready for college.	You'll be fine.
+You'll be fine.	I hope so
+I hope so	You will.
+That little bitch made a fool of us I want her out of the election. Getting everybody all riled up like that.  She's finished, you hear me? Washed up.	Walt, we can't throw her out of the election just because we don't like her speech.  That's not what student government's about.
+Walt, we can't throw her out of the election just because we don't like her speech.  That's not what student government's about.	Yeah... whatever.  All I know is she's a troublemaker.  She's on my list.
+Jim, where the hell have you been?	Nowhere.  I don't have class until second period.
+Nowhere.  I don't have class until second period.	Even tried you at home.  We've got a situation here.
+Well, that speech she gave -- it was pretty, you know, pretty out there.  But we'll get to the bottom of it.  Don't you worry. Mr. McAllister is going to see to that.  Right, Jim?	Oh yeah, you bet.
+Life would go on, and I would certainly be a stronger and wiser person from the experience.	Uh, Jim?
+Uh, Jim?	Hmm?
+Hmm?	Walt needs to see you.
+Walt needs to see you.	Oh.  Okay.
+Walt will be speaking with you about this, but I need you to find someone to take over my classes. The lesson plans for the rest of the year are in my top right drawer.	Okay, Jim. I understand.
+Okay, Jim. I understand.	Thanks. Well. I'm going home now.
+You wanted to see me, Mr. M.?	Just wait outside. Tammy.
+Just wait outside. Tammy.	Okay.  But is this about the posters?
+Okay.  But is this about the posters?	Possibly.  Please just wait outside.
+Possibly.  Please just wait outside.	Okay.  Because I know who did it.  So.. I'll just be outside.
+So... what do you have to tell me?	Well, this is hard for me, but I think it's important to be honest. Don't you?
+Well, this is hard for me, but I think it's important to be honest. Don't you?	What is it. Tammy?
+What is it. Tammy?	I'm the one.  I did it.  I tore down Paul's posters.
+I'm the one.  I did it.  I tore down Paul's posters.	Looks at her skeptically  doesn't say a word.
+Looks at her skeptically  doesn't say a word.	I did it.
+I did it.	And when did you do it?
+And when did you do it?	This weekend.
+This weekend.	Exactly when?
+Exactly when?	I don't know. Yesterday.  Sunday.
+I don't know. Yesterday.  Sunday.	And how did you get in the school?
+And how did you get in the school?	Door was open.
+Door was open.	Which door?
+Which door?	I don't know. All I know is I did it I
+I don't know. All I know is I did it I	I don't believe you.
+I don't believe you.	I have proof.
+After Dave got fired, Sherry kicked him out of the house and filed for divorce.	Your novel? Are you fucking kidding me?
+Could you get this? I can't	Sure.
+Without Dave around. Sherry needed a lot of help around the house.	Here?
+Here?	More this way.
+More this way.	Okay.  Give me the drill.
+I can't afford this stuff right now.	Oh, come on.  You've had a hard year, you're cooped up with the kid all the time.  Let go; live a little.
+Oh, come on.  You've had a hard year, you're cooped up with the kid all the time.  Let go; live a little.	You sure?
+So what do you think?  Should we get a room?	Should we get a what?
+Should we get a what?	points at the motel.
+points at the motel.	Oh.
+Shall we give it a name?	Dave.
+Did you know Dave's a bed wetter?	No, I... uh, didn't know that
+No, I... uh, didn't know that	All his life.  He's tried everything.
+All his life.  He's tried everything.	Still clear?
+Still clear?	Yep.
+Yep.	We'll let it run awhile
+Hey Yeah?	Take me to that motel.  Like you wanted.
+Take me to that motel.  Like you wanted.	Right now?
+Right now?	Easy, tiger.  Come by after school. I'll leave Darryl with the sitter.
+Easy, tiger.  Come by after school. I'll leave Darryl with the sitter.	Three twenty-five.
+Three twenty-five.	Three twenty-five.
+What do you want, Jim?	You're there.
+You're there.	Yeah.  I'm here.
+Yeah.  I'm here.	Sherry... I love you.
+Sherry... I love you.	Don't say that.  You know it's not true.
+Don't say that.  You know it's not true.	It's the only true thing I know anymore.
+It's the only true thing I know anymore.	We made a mistake.  Let's not make it worse.
+We made a mistake.  Let's not make it worse.	A mistake?  That was no mistake.
+A mistake?  That was no mistake.	I was lonely.  You took advantage
+I was lonely.  You took advantage	Me?  I took advantage of you?  You hugged me!  You kissed me!  You're the one who --
+Paul, I know you've been pretty down since your accident.	I wanted to play next year so bad I could taste it.  And maybe go on to...
+I wanted to play next year so bad I could taste it.  And maybe go on to...	I know.  I understand disappointment. I really do.
+I know.  I understand disappointment. I really do.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	But you've got a big choice right now. You can choose to be depressed about it for the rest of your life. Or you can choose to see it for what it really is: an opportunity.  I personally think you have a big future ahead of you, and I don't mean the fleeting glory of sports.
+But you've got a big choice right now. You can choose to be depressed about it for the rest of your life. Or you can choose to see it for what it really is: an opportunity.  I personally think you have a big future ahead of you, and I don't mean the fleeting glory of sports.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	Let me give you a clue.  You're a born leader.  You're one of the most popular students at Millard.  You're honest and straightforward.  You don't choke under pressure, as we all saw in that amazing fourth quarter against Westside.  The other kids look up to you.  What does that spell?
+Who, me?  Nooo.  I never... I don't know anything about that stuff, Mr. M. Besides, that's Tracy Flick's thing. She's always working so hard and --	Yeah, no, she's a go-getter, all right.
+Yeah, no, she's a go-getter, all right.	And she's super-nice
+And she's super-nice	Yeah.  But one person assured of victory kind of undermines the whole idea of a democracy, doesn't it? That's more like a... well, like a dictatorship, like we studied.
+Yeah.  But one person assured of victory kind of undermines the whole idea of a democracy, doesn't it? That's more like a... well, like a dictatorship, like we studied.	Paul, what's your favorite fruit?
+Paul, what's your favorite fruit?	Huh?  Oh.  Uh... pears
+Huh?  Oh.  Uh... pears	takes a piece of chalk from the lip of the blackboard.
+takes a piece of chalk from the lip of the blackboard.	Okay, let's say
+Okay, let's say	No, wait -- apples.  Apples.
+Fine.  Let's say all you ever knew was apples.  Apples, apples and more apples. You might think apples were pretty good, even if you occasionally got a rotten one. Then one day there's an orange. And now you can make a decision. Do you want an apple, or do you want an orange? That's democracy.	I also like bananas.
+I also like bananas.	Exactly.  So what do you say?  Maybe it's time to give a little something back.
+Oh, no.  No.  I'm just finishing up here, and I've got to get home.	Why don't you guys go sit down, okay? I'll catch up in a minute? I want to talk to Mr. M. about some important stuff.
+And on Halloween we could have a haunted house.  But a really good haunted house, not like those cheesy bad ones.  You know, more like the radio station ones.  This one would be really scary.  And for Homecoming -- well, you know how last year's theme was -	Paul... Paul.... We'll have plenty of time to get into all this later.  A whole year, in fact. Right now I just need to finish my pie and get home.
+Paul... Paul.... We'll have plenty of time to get into all this later.  A whole year, in fact. Right now I just need to finish my pie and get home.	Oh, okay.  Yeah, sorry.
+Just one more thing.  So, Mr. M., uh, do you think Tracy's going to be okay? I saw her face after the assembly, and I think she's taking it pretty hard.	Don't worry about Tracy.  She'll be fine.
+253... 254... 255. I get the same as you Jim. Looks like Paul's our president.	No way I It doesn't make sense.
+No way I It doesn't make sense.	Sorry. My figures work out exactly the same as Jim's. 256 for Paul, 255 for Tracy.
+Sorry. My figures work out exactly the same as Jim's. 256 for Paul, 255 for Tracy.	"And 290 ""disregards,"" right?"
+"And 290 ""disregards,"" right?"	If you say so.
+Whoa! Easy, Fouch. I don't like where you're going.	I'm telling you. Dr. Hendricks, every vote was accounted for.
+You said I was a liar   You're the liar, you're the --	Larry, you just take it easy
+What?	I told you ... I can't. I just -- It doesn't feel right anymore, you know?
+Where 're you going?	I'm not like you.
+I'm not like you.	What...?
+What...?	I'm not a dyke, okay, and we're not in love. We were just... I was just experimenting.
+Are you crazy?	What?
+What?	People can see this.
+People can see this.	So?
+So?	These are private -- these are for us.
+These are private -- these are for us.	I know.
+I know.	But other people can see them too.
+But other people can see them too.	I don't care.
+I don't care.	Well, I do.
+Uhhh... teeth. Teeth.	Sorry.
+We can't both run, can we?  We're brother and sister.  Can we?	It's a conflict of interest.  And Paul was first.
+She's doing this to get back at me	For what?
+For what?	I mean at you.
+I mean at you.	For what?
+For what?	I don't know.  You're her brother you should know.
+We still have some extra ones, don't we?  Maybe we can just --	It was Tammy I  That's who it was.
+It was Tammy I  That's who it was.	Oh, no, hey.  Like I said. Tammy wouldn't... she...
+Who put you up to this?	Huh?  Oh, hi, Tracy
+Who put you up to this?	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	You just woke up this morning and suddenly decided to run for president?
+You just woke up this morning and suddenly decided to run for president?	No.  Uh... I just... you know, I just thought --
+No.  Uh... I just... you know, I just thought --	Thought what?
+Thought what?	Well, see, I was talking to Mr. McAllister about my leg and everything... and how I still want to, you know, do something for the school and --
+Well, see, I was talking to Mr. McAllister about my leg and everything... and how I still want to, you know, do something for the school and --	So Mr. McAllister asked you to run.
+So Mr. McAllister asked you to run.	Well, I mean, you know, I talked to him and everything, but he just said he thought it was a good idea... and how there's all different kinds of fruit and...  It's nothing against you, Tracy. You're the best.  I just thought --
+Well, I mean, you know, I talked to him and everything, but he just said he thought it was a good idea... and how there's all different kinds of fruit and...  It's nothing against you, Tracy. You're the best.  I just thought --	Okay, Mr. Popular.  You're on.
+Way to go, Tracy!  Isn't this exciting?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Hell, good luck!
+Hell, good luck!	Good luck to you too, Paul.
+Good luck to you too, Paul.	Thanks!
+Paul, I just want you to know that no matter how this turns out, you've run a wonderful campaign. It's been fun competing with you.	Yeah, you too, Tracy.  I'm just glad it's over.
+Yeah, you too, Tracy.  I'm just glad it's over.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	You know, I don't understand why everybody bad-mouthed Tracy all the time.  She was always super- nice to me.
+Paul, will you sign my yearbook?	Sure, Tracy.
+Can I sign yours too?	Oh, yeah, sure.  Hey Nolan, give my book to Tracy when you're done*
+Yes, Paul?	Have a great summer.  And good luck at college.
+Have a great summer.  And good luck at college.	Thanks.  You too.  It was great working with you.
+Hey, Tammy, guess what happened today.	Don't you fucking knock?
+Don't you fucking knock?	Yeah.  So guess what happened.  So Mr. McAllister, he --  Oh hi. Lisa.
+Yeah.  So guess what happened.  So Mr. McAllister, he --  Oh hi. Lisa.	Paul, get out!
+Paul, get out!	So Mr. M. calls me in and tells me --
+You dumbshit!	What'd I do?
+What'd I do?	You know how they say one day a big meteor might come and crash into the Earth and kill everybody? Well, I think that would be a good thing.
+What do you want?	Oh.  Hi, Tammy.  I was just, you know, I went to all your teachers and got your assignments.
+I just thought, well, last time you got suspended you fell so behind and -	Okay, Paul.  Thanks.  Thanks a lot.
+Now could you leave me alone?	Yeah.  Oh, one more thing. Tammy. You know, all this election stuff. 'Cause, you know, everyone is saying it's so weird that you're running against me, and, well, it is kind of weird, and you haven't really told me why you're doing it and didn't tell me in advance or anything.  But that's okay, you know.  l respect your privacy.  I just want you to know that no matter who wins, if it's you or me, there's no hard feelings. We're still brother and sister.  Okay? Cause... and I hope you feel the same.
+Yeah.  Oh, one more thing. Tammy. You know, all this election stuff. 'Cause, you know, everyone is saying it's so weird that you're running against me, and, well, it is kind of weird, and you haven't really told me why you're doing it and didn't tell me in advance or anything.  But that's okay, you know.  l respect your privacy.  I just want you to know that no matter who wins, if it's you or me, there's no hard feelings. We're still brother and sister.  Okay? Cause... and I hope you feel the same.	Sure, Paul.  No hard feelings.
+Sure, Paul.  No hard feelings.	Okay.  Great.  I feel good.
+How's the left these days?	What's it to you?
+What's it to you?	I saw you fight Kid Gavilan.  I like your style.
+I saw you fight Kid Gavilan.  I like your style.	What do you want, Mr. Policeman?
+What do you want, Mr. Policeman?	You got a brother up in Folsom.  I know because I put him there.
+You got a brother up in Folsom.  I know because I put him there.	Till 19-fucking-70.
+Till 19-fucking-70.	How'd you like to make it 1960?  I know the judge and Sergeant Exley here is friends with hte D.A.
+We're looking for three colored guys who like to pop off shotguns. One of 'em owns a purple Merc coupe.	You wanna get me a fuckin' snitch jacket?
+You wanna get me a fuckin' snitch jacket?	You wanna buy your brother ten years...?  You don't have to say anything.  Just look at this list and point.  Here.
+Merry Christmas.	Merry Christmas yourself, Officer.
+Merry Christmas yourself, Officer.	That obvious, huh?
+That obvious, huh?	It's practically stamped on your forehead.
+Somebody hit you?	It's not what you think.
+Can I get you a drink?	Yeah, plain scotch.
+I was friendly with Sue Lefferts, but we weren't really friends. You know what I mean?	Are you sorry she's dead?
+Are you sorry she's dead?	Of course I am.  What kind of question is that?
+Have you ever heard of Dick Stensland?	No I haven't.  Do you know why Pierce is humoring you?
+No I haven't.  Do you know why Pierce is humoring you?	You use words like that, you might make me mad.
+You use words like that, you might make me mad.	Yes.  But do you know?
+Yes.  But do you know?	Yeah I know.  Patchett's running whores and judging by his address, probably something bigger on the side.  He doesn't want any attention.
+Yeah I know.  Patchett's running whores and judging by his address, probably something bigger on the side.  He doesn't want any attention.	That's right.  Our motives are selfish, so we're cooperating.
+That's right.  Our motives are selfish, so we're cooperating.	Why was Susan Lefferts at the Nite Owl?
+Why was Susan Lefferts at the Nite Owl?	I don't know.  I never heard of the Nite Owl till today.
+I don't know.  I never heard of the Nite Owl till today.	Did Lefferts have a boyfriend?
+Did Lefferts have a boyfriend?	Like I said we were friendly, not friends.
+Like I said we were friendly, not friends.	How'd she meet Patchett?
+How'd she meet Patchett?	Pierce meets people.  Sue came on the bus with dreams of Hollywood.  This is how they turned out.  Thanks to Pierce, we still get to act a little.
+Pierce meets people.  Sue came on the bus with dreams of Hollywood.  This is how they turned out.  Thanks to Pierce, we still get to act a little.	Tell me about Patchett.
+Tell me about Patchett.	He's waiting for you to mention mention.
+He's waiting for you to mention mention.	You want some advice, Miss Bracken?
+You want some advice, Miss Bracken?	It's Lynn.
+It's Lynn.	Miss Bracken, don't ever try to fucking bribe me or threaten me or I'll have you and Patchett in shit up to your ears.
+I remember you from Christmas Eve.  You have a thing for helping women, don't you, Officer White?	Maybe I'm just fucking curious.
+Maybe I'm just fucking curious.	You say 'fuck' a lot.
+You say 'fuck' a lot.	You fuck for money.
+You fuck for money.	There's blood on your shirt.  Is that an integral part of your job?
+There's blood on your shirt.  Is that an integral part of your job?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Do you enjoy it?
+Do you enjoy it?	When they deserve it.
+When they deserve it.	Did they deserve it today?
+Did they deserve it today?	I'm not sure.
+I'm not sure.	But you did it anyway.
+But you did it anyway.	Yeah, just like the half dozen guys you screwed today.
+Yeah, just like the half dozen guys you screwed today.	Actually, it was two.  You're different, Officer White.  You're the first man in five years who didn't tell me I look like Veronica Lake inside of a minute.
+Actually, it was two.  You're different, Officer White.  You're the first man in five years who didn't tell me I look like Veronica Lake inside of a minute.	You look better than Veronica Lake.  Now, Pierce Patchett.
+You look better than Veronica Lake.  Now, Pierce Patchett.	He takes a cut of our earnings and invests it for us.  He makes us quit the life at thirty.  He doesn't let us use narcotics and he doesn't abuse us.  Can your policeman's mentality grasp those contradictions?
+He takes a cut of our earnings and invests it for us.  He makes us quit the life at thirty.  He doesn't let us use narcotics and he doesn't abuse us.  Can your policeman's mentality grasp those contradictions?	He had you cut to look like Veronica Lake?
+He had you cut to look like Veronica Lake?	No.  I'm really a brunette, but the rest is me.  And that's all the news that's fit to print.
+Look.  I want to see you again.	Are you asking me for a date or an appointment?
+Are you asking me for a date or an appointment?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	If it's a date I think you'd better tell me your first name because I --
+If it's a date I think you'd better tell me your first name because I --	Forget I asked.  It was a mistake.
+I wondered when you might ring the bell again, Officer White.	It's Bud.
+It doesn't matter.  All they get is Veronica Lake.  You got the real Lynn Margaret Bracken...  Where'd this come from?	When I was ten, my old man threw a bottle at my mother.  I guess I got in the way.
+When I was ten, my old man threw a bottle at my mother.  I guess I got in the way.	So you saved her.
+So you saved her.	Yeah.  But not for long.
+Do you like being a cop, Bud?	I used to.  What I do now is strong-arm.  Sitting duck stuff... No, I don't like it.  If I could work Homicide like a real detective...
+You found Patchett.  You found me. You're smart enough.  Be a detective if that's what you want.	That simple, huh?
+Did you talk to Exley?	Come in out of the rain.  In the morning we'll have both our stories for breakfast.
+I want to know about Exley.	He's the opposite of you.  He's more like me.  Cold, calculating.
+He's the opposite of you.  He's more like me.  Cold, calculating.	How'd you get to know so much about him?
+Come in out of the rain, Bud.	You gonna tell me what happened with you and Exley?
+You gonna tell me what happened with you and Exley?	We talked.
+We talked.	So tell me about it.
+So tell me about it.	In the morning.
+In the morning.	No.  Now.  You fucked him.
+Lad, may I have a word with you?	This business, Captain?
+This business, Captain?	Say goodnight to your friend and join me by those back tables.
+Does that paper say we've been indicted?  Does it say Exley's a hero for squealing me and Stensland off?	He made his play amd he got what he wanted.  They're making him a detective.
+He made his play amd he got what he wanted.  They're making him a detective.	Captain, what do you want?
+Captain, what do you want?	Call me Dudley.
+Call me Dudley.	Dudley, what do you want?
+Dudley, what do you want?	Lad, I admire your refusal to testify and your loyalty to your partner.  I admire you as a policeman, particularly your adherence to violence as a necessary adjutant to the job. And I am most impressed with your punishment of wife beaters.  Do you hate them, Wendell?
+Lad, I admire your refusal to testify and your loyalty to your partner.  I admire you as a policeman, particularly your adherence to violence as a necessary adjutant to the job. And I am most impressed with your punishment of wife beaters.  Do you hate them, Wendell?	Yeah, I hate them.
+Yeah, I hate them.	And for good reason judging from what I know of your background.
+What's going to happen to Stensland?  He'll give himself cirrhosis over this.  He's one year from his pension.	It would've happened years ago if you hadn't carried him.  Why the loyalty, Wendell?
+It would've happened years ago if you hadn't carried him.  Why the loyalty, Wendell?	He helped me out once.  That's all.
+He helped me out once.  That's all.	Your partner's through. Department scapegoat on the Chief's orders.  He's been billed, he'll be indicted and he'll swing.
+Your partner's through. Department scapegoat on the Chief's orders.  He's been billed, he'll be indicted and he'll swing.	Him and me both.  Fucking Exley.
+Him and me both.  Fucking Exley.	Don't underestimate his skills. As a politician he exceeds even myself.  But the department needs smart men like Exley and... direct men like yourself
+Don't underestimate his skills. As a politician he exceeds even myself.  But the department needs smart men like Exley and... direct men like yourself	What do you want?
+What do you want?	Wendell, I want you to come to work for me.
+Wendell, I want you to come to work for me.	Doing what?  Mowing your fucking lawn?
+They're yours.  Take them.	I knew you had juice, but... There's no goddamn bill on me?
+I knew you had juice, but... There's no goddamn bill on me?	Four of the defendants recanted their testimony.
+Four of the defendants recanted their testimony.	How?
+I need you for an assignment the Chief's given me the go-ahead on. A duty few men are fit for, but you were born for.  You'll be working out of Homicide.	Homicide?  A detective?
+Will you work for me?	Of course... But how?
+Of course... But how?	How what, Wendell?
+How what, Wendell?	How'd you get them to retract?
+Give me one minute.	You've got it, Wendell.
+You're perplexing to me these days, Wendell.  You're not your old, cruel self anymore.  I need proof that the extracurricular work I had planned for you remains within your grasp.	What work?
+What work?	I've long been involved in containing hard crime in such a way that myself and a few colleagues might someday enjoy a profit dispensation.  That day will soon be here and you'll share handsomely.  Grand means will be in our hands, Wendell.
+I've long been involved in containing hard crime in such a way that myself and a few colleagues might someday enjoy a profit dispensation.  That day will soon be here and you'll share handsomely.  Grand means will be in our hands, Wendell.	Imagine crime limited to the criminal element who perpetrate it. Imagine the means to keep the nigger filth sedated.  But don't stop there.  Extrapolate.  Imagine the police in control.  It's big, lad.
+Imagine crime limited to the criminal element who perpetrate it. Imagine the means to keep the nigger filth sedated.  But don't stop there.  Extrapolate.  Imagine the police in control.  It's big, lad.	You lost me, Dudley.  I don't know what you're talking about.
+You lost me, Dudley.  I don't know what you're talking about.	You have your extracurricular secrets, I have mine.  We'll hold a clarification session soon.  For now, I need your fearsome old habits at the Victory Motel. We're going to brace a man who may know who killed Jack Vincennes. Can I count on you?
+You have your extracurricular secrets, I have mine.  We'll hold a clarification session soon.  For now, I need your fearsome old habits at the Victory Motel. We're going to brace a man who may know who killed Jack Vincennes. Can I count on you?	Sure, boss.  Sure you can.
+You know him?	Seen him around.  He used to be a cop.
+Hey, partner.  Grab a cup.	I got to write my report first.
+Don't look so down in the mouth, Bud.  You nailed him good.	Yeah, sure... I got a couple of hours before I have to be at the Victory.  Want to grab a beer?
+Yeah, sure... I got a couple of hours before I have to be at the Victory.  Want to grab a beer?	Rain check me, partner.  I got something big going on tonight.
+Rain check me, partner.  I got something big going on tonight.	What?  That new mystery girl you've been seeing?
+What?  That new mystery girl you've been seeing?	No.  I'll tell you sometime.  Not now.  Don't want to jinx it.  But it could take the edge off that jail time I got coming.
+No.  I'll tell you sometime.  Not now.  Don't want to jinx it.  But it could take the edge off that jail time I got coming.	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	It's confidential, Bud.  Like that magazines Vincennes scams for. Hush-Hush.  I'll see you tomorrow.  And hey, if it works out, you'll get a piece of it.
+Mrs. Lefferts, I'm Officer White with the L.A.P.D.  I'd like to ask a couple of questions.	Let my daughter rest in peace.
+Let my daughter rest in peace.	Five minutes.  That's all.
+Tell me about the boyfriend she had.  The one you mentioned at the morgue.	First I want to go on record as saying that my Susie was a virgin when she died.
+First I want to go on record as saying that my Susie was a virgin when she died.	Ma'am, I'm sure she was.
+Susie, I told you I didn't approve of that boyfriend.  He was too old for you.  You let him come into this house and be fresh to me.  I went out one day and old Mrs. Jensen next door saw Susan's boyfriend and another man and thought she heard a ruckus.	What was that boyfriend's name?
+What was that boyfriend's name?	We were never properly introduced. Susan and I were fighting that day.  She called him by a nickname.  Muns or Lunts or something.
+We were never properly introduced. Susan and I were fighting that day.  She called him by a nickname.  Muns or Lunts or something.	Stens?  Was it Stens?
+Stens?  Was it Stens?	Maybe.  I don't know.
+Maybe.  I don't know.	Look at a picture for me.
+That's him.  That's him.	You said a neighbor heard a ruckus.  Was it outside, inside?
+What's through here?	No!  Please leave!
+Don't mind the smell.  I think a rat died behind the wall... My Susie was a good girl!	Easy.  Tell me about the ruckus.
+Easy.  Tell me about the ruckus.	I came home that night and there was blood on the floor.  Susan said Stams -- Stens had cut himself.  They were acting nervous.  And that Stens kept going under the house.
+Was it... a rat?	Yeah.  A great big one.
+Where are we going?	It's a surprise.  You like surprises, don't you, White?
+Yeah, that's Stens.	Hell of a way to avoid a prison sentence.
+What happened?	Someone held up a coffee shop, panicked and killed six people.
+One in six.  Where's the girl?	Officer White, put down that weapon and --
+A naked guy with a gun?  You expect anyone to believe that?	Get the fuck away from me.
+How's it going to look on your report?	It'll look like justice.  That's what that fat fuck got.  Justice.
+It'll look like justice.  That's what that fat fuck got.  Justice.	You don't know what the word means, you dumb bastard.
+Why?	Lynn.
+Lynn.	She told you?
+I knew Stensland and Meeks knew each other.  Meeks was with Sue Lefferts on Christmas Eve.  The night I met Lynn.  Lefferts' mother I.D.ed Stensland as Lefferts' boyfriend, but Stens pretended he didn't know either one of them.	Stensland and Meeks.  What were they up to?
+Stensland and Meeks.  What were they up to?	Johnny Stompanato told me when Meeks disappeared, he was trying to move the 18 pounds of heroin that went missing when Deuce Perkins was shot.
+Johnny Stompanato told me when Meeks disappeared, he was trying to move the 18 pounds of heroin that went missing when Deuce Perkins was shot.	Stensland and Buzz Meeks.  Two-man triggers knocking off Mickey Cohen lieutenants.  When they killed Deuce Perkins, they got heroin as a bonus.
+Stensland and Buzz Meeks.  Two-man triggers knocking off Mickey Cohen lieutenants.  When they killed Deuce Perkins, they got heroin as a bonus.	Then something goes wrong.  Meeks gets killed.  Maybe Stens got greedy, killed Meeks and left him under his girlfriend's house.  The night he died, Stens was all mysterious.  Said he had something big going down.
+Then something goes wrong.  Meeks gets killed.  Maybe Stens got greedy, killed Meeks and left him under his girlfriend's house.  The night he died, Stens was all mysterious.  Said he had something big going down.	The Nite Owl!  Stensland was going there to sell the heroin.
+The Nite Owl!  Stensland was going there to sell the heroin.	Somebody got wind of it, killed them all.
+Somebody got wind of it, killed them all.	It wasn't the Negroes.  The Griffith Park report was a phony. And, who says the purple Merc was spotted outside the Nite Owl?
+It wasn't the Negroes.  The Griffith Park report was a phony. And, who says the purple Merc was spotted outside the Nite Owl?	Dudley.
+Dudley.	The first guys to the car when Jack and I got there were Bruening and Carlisle.
+The first guys to the car when Jack and I got there were Bruening and Carlisle.	Dudley's guys.
+Dudley's guys.	They didn't find the shotguns. They planted them.
+They didn't find the shotguns. They planted them.	It all keeps coming back to Dudley.
+It all keeps coming back to Dudley.	It's Dudley for the Nite Owl.
+Pierce Patchett figures in, too. That's the angle Jack was working. Dudley must work for Patchett.	Let's just kill them.
+Let's just kill them.	What?
+What?	For Jack, for Stensland, for anybody else who got in the way. I've been trying to be smart.  A detective.  But killing those two fuckers, that would be justice.
+For Jack, for Stensland, for anybody else who got in the way. I've been trying to be smart.  A detective.  But killing those two fuckers, that would be justice.	Stay smart, Bud.  We build a case. We play by the rules.
+Stay smart, Bud.  We build a case. We play by the rules.	There are no rules!  Why the fuck are you doing this?  The Nite Owl made you.  You want to tear all that down.
+There are no rules!  Why the fuck are you doing this?  The Nite Owl made you.  You want to tear all that down.	With a wrecking ball.  You want to help me swing it?
+Let's go see Pierce Patchett.  Run a good-cop-bad-cop.	Which one are you and which one am I?
+You expecting problems?	Patchett uses a lot of ex-cop muscle.
+It's a suicide note.  Says he killed Jack because Jack had figured out a pornography scam Patchett was running.	He had help getting up there.  Two of his fingers are broken.
+He had help getting up there.  Two of his fingers are broken.	We had one thing figured wrong.  I don't think Dudley workd for Patchett.
+We had one thing figured wrong.  I don't think Dudley workd for Patchett.	At least not anymore.
+At least not anymore.	Patchett's dead.  He sent you after me.  I'd say Dudley's tying up his loose ends.
+Patchett's dead.  He sent you after me.  I'd say Dudley's tying up his loose ends.	Lynn.
+Ellis Loew.	What about him?
+What about him?	Jack thought he was up to his neck in all this.
+Bud...	If I let you go, there'll be ten more lawyers to take your place tomorrow.  They just won't come on the bus, that's all.
+They never made a match on the shotgun serial numbers.  What if Breuning and Carlisle took them from the evidence room?  Couple of cold pieces that had been hanging around a year or two.	We should check the records, and, we should talk to Lynn.
+You wanted to meet here?	Me?  You called it.  I got a message that...
+You figured this was a set-up? And you showed up anyway?	A lot of bad stuff happened here. It's as good a place as any for it to end.
+You know, all I ever wanted was to measure up to my father.	I spent years trying not to live down to mine.
+She's fine.	I'm not asking you.
+Are you Pierce Patchett?	I am.  Are you soliciting for police charities?  The last time, you people called at my office.
+I am.  Are you soliciting for police charities?  The last time, you people called at my office.	I'm a homicide detective.  Where were you last night?
+I'm a homicide detective.  Where were you last night?	I was here, hosting a party.  Who was killed and why do you think I can help?
+I was here, hosting a party.  Who was killed and why do you think I can help?	Richard Stensland.
+Richard Stensland.	I don't know him.  Mr...
+I don't know him.  Mr...	Officer White.  How about Susan Lefferts?  You know her?
+Officer White.  How about Susan Lefferts?  You know her?	You know I do or you wouldn't be here.  How did you find me?
+You know I do or you wouldn't be here.  How did you find me?	We met outside Hollywood Liquors on Christmas Eve.  This is where Lynn Bracken's booze bills go.
+We met outside Hollywood Liquors on Christmas Eve.  This is where Lynn Bracken's booze bills go.	Of course...
+Of course...	Sue Lefferts died at the Nite Owl. I'm investigating.
+Where's the other guy?  Buzz.	He no longer works for me.  Find Susan's killer, Mr. White. I'll give you a handsome reward. Whatever you desire.
+Thanks, but no thanks.	Against your code?
+Against your code?	I don't have one.  Lefferts looked beat-up Christmas Eve, but didn't act it.  How come?
+I don't have one.  Lefferts looked beat-up Christmas Eve, but didn't act it.  How come?	Do you care about criminal matters peripheral to Susan's murder?
+Do you care about criminal matters peripheral to Susan's murder?	No.
+No.	Then you wouldn't feel obligated to report them?
+Then you wouldn't feel obligated to report them?	That's right.
+That's right.	Then listen closely, because I'll only say this once and if it gets repeated, I'll deny it.  I run call girls.  Lynn Bracken is one of them and so was Susan Lefferts. I treat my girls very well.  I have grown daughters, myself, and I don't like the thought of women being hurt.  I sense you share this feeling.
+Then listen closely, because I'll only say this once and if it gets repeated, I'll deny it.  I run call girls.  Lynn Bracken is one of them and so was Susan Lefferts. I treat my girls very well.  I have grown daughters, myself, and I don't like the thought of women being hurt.  I sense you share this feeling.	Why were Lefferts' eyes black?
+Why were Lefferts' eyes black?	I think she'd been hit in the face with a tennis racket.  She is -- was -- a big doubles fan.
+I think she'd been hit in the face with a tennis racket.  She is -- was -- a big doubles fan.	You wanna go downtown and discuss this officially?
+You wanna go downtown and discuss this officially?	Wait.  Our deal still holds?
+I needed a Rita Hayworth to fill out my little studio.	What little studio?
+What little studio?	There's Gardner, Hepburn, Grable, Turner.  Lynn Bracken is my Veronica Lake.  I use girls who look like movie stars.  Sometimes I employ a plastic surgeon.
+There's Gardner, Hepburn, Grable, Turner.  Lynn Bracken is my Veronica Lake.  I use girls who look like movie stars.  Sometimes I employ a plastic surgeon.	That's why her mother couldn't I.D. her... Jesus fucking Christ.
+That's why her mother couldn't I.D. her... Jesus fucking Christ.	No, Mr. White.  Pierce Morehouse Patchett.  Now, I sense you're on your best behavior, but that's all I'll give you.  If you persist, I'll meet you with my attorney. Now, would you like Miss Bracken's address?  I doubt she knows anything, but --
+No, Mr. White.  Pierce Morehouse Patchett.  Now, I sense you're on your best behavior, but that's all I'll give you.  If you persist, I'll meet you with my attorney. Now, would you like Miss Bracken's address?  I doubt she knows anything, but --	I got her address.
+I got her address.	Of course... this is personal with you, isn't it, Mr. White?
+Officer White.  I heard you got a hard-on for wife beaters.	And you fuck people up for a living.  That don't make me you. Capisce, shitbird?
+Wendell White, how's tricks, paesano?	I ain't your paesano, you wop cocksucker.
+What do you want, officer?	You remember an ex-cop named Buzz Meeks?  He works for a guy named Patchett.
+Should I?	His file listed you as a known associate.  Now spill.
+His file listed you as a known associate.  Now spill.	Oh, yeah.  That was a long time ago.  Before your day.  The last few years he's been muscle for hire.  But I heard he's disappeared.
+Oh, yeah.  That was a long time ago.  Before your day.  The last few years he's been muscle for hire.  But I heard he's disappeared.	More.
+More.	More's gonna cost you.
+How 'bout I give you your balls back?	Before Meeks disappeared he was popping off about trying to move eighteen pounds of heroin.
+Before Meeks disappeared he was popping off about trying to move eighteen pounds of heroin.	Bullshit.  Where would a two-bit ex-cop get 18 pounds of heroin?
+Bullshit.  Where would a two-bit ex-cop get 18 pounds of heroin?	Deuce Perkins.  Mickey C's narcotics lieutenant.  The night he got clipped, eighteen pounds of Mickey's heroin went missing.
+Meeks is probably in Rio or someplace like that by now.	He's under a tract house in San Berdoo.  And he don't smell too good.  What happened to the heroin, Johnny?
+He's under a tract house in San Berdoo.  And he don't smell too good.  What happened to the heroin, Johnny?	I don't know.  I swear it!
+Bud White, what brings you down to the basement?	I got a few Nite Owl questions.
+I got a few Nite Owl questions.	I don't know if you read the papers, but that case is closed.
+I don't know if you read the papers, but that case is closed.	I'm tying up loose ends.  Padding my report.  You know how it goes.
+I'm tying up loose ends.  Padding my report.  You know how it goes.	What do you want to know?
+What do you want to know?	Anything off.  Anything that didn't make sense.
+Anything off.  Anything that didn't make sense.	You mean beside the fact that thirty-five out of forty-five rounds were gratuitous?  I can't think of anything.
+Whose shoe?	Susan Lefferts.
+Susan Lefferts.	If she was sitting here, then it's facing the wrong way.  What are these smears in the blood?
+If she was sitting here, then it's facing the wrong way.  What are these smears in the blood?	It looks like she was flailing, trying to get away.
+It looks like she was flailing, trying to get away.	But she's moving away from the door.  Who was sitting at this table?
+But she's moving away from the door.  Who was sitting at this table?	Dick Stensland.  Had to be dumb panic.  If she knew him she would've been sitting with him... Right?
+Cotton balls.  I found them just inside the meat locker door.	Ear plugs.
+Ear plugs.	Exactly.  At least one of those animals had the brains to protect his ears.
+Exactly.  At least one of those animals had the brains to protect his ears.	It doesn't exactly play like dumb panic.
+It doesn't exactly play like dumb panic.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	It's like they knew they were going to kill everyone before they went in...
+It's like they knew they were going to kill everyone before they went in...	Yeah, so...
+Ed, your observations have been astute.  What's your assessment of this situation?	The public demands justice, sir. This was a full-fledged riot of policemen.  Shift the guilt to men whose pensions are secured.  Force them to retire.  But someone has to swing.  Indict, try and convict Stensland and Bud White.  Secure them jail time.  Feed them to the sharks, sir.  Protect yourself; protect the department.
+I want to know who we give the public in contrast?  The department needs role models. Clean-cut, forthright men the public can admire.	I'll testify, sir.  I'm not afraid to do what's right.
+I'll testify, sir.  I'm not afraid to do what's right.	And I'll promote you.  You'll be a lieutenant immediately.
+Ed, you're 30.  Your father didn't make lieutenant until he was 33.	I know that, sir.  I also know that when he made lieutenant, it was as a detective.
+Jack Vincennes.  He's the technical advisor on 'Badge of Honor,' sir.  He lives for it. That's the way to get him.	All right, Ed.  Call Sergeant Vincennes.
+I got the rap sheets on the black guys, sir.  Coates and Jones got charges a mile long.  But except for some kid stuff, Fontaine's clean.	Clean?
+Clean?	More or less.
+More or less.	Until he gunned down six people.
+Anything?	Nothing.
+Nothing.	So on active duty, Meeks didn't make an arrest from 1938 to '43.
+So on active duty, Meeks didn't make an arrest from 1938 to '43.	Someone must've pulled the records.
+Where are the police academy files?	I don't have time.  I have --
+I don't have time.  I have --	Just show me where they are!
+You're twenty-two, aren't you, Ray?	Say what and so what.
+Say what and so what.	Did one of the officers work you over a little?
+You look like Robinson after that last LaMotta fight.  'Course LaMotta looked a lot worse.  So you're twenty-two, right?	Man, why do you keep asking me that?
+Man, why do you keep asking me that?	Just getting my facts straight. Twenty-two makes it a gas chamber bounce. You should have pulled this caper a couple of years ago.  Get life, do a little Youth Authority jolt, transfer to Folsom a big man. Orbit on some of that good prison brew, get yourself a sissy --
+Just getting my facts straight. Twenty-two makes it a gas chamber bounce. You should have pulled this caper a couple of years ago.  Get life, do a little Youth Authority jolt, transfer to Folsom a big man. Orbit on some of that good prison brew, get yourself a sissy --	I never truck with no sissies!
+I never truck with no sissies!	That fucking Larry.  I almost believed him.
+That fucking Larry.  I almost believed him.	Believed what?
+Believed what?	Nothing, Ray.  That Larry, he's a pisser.  You did the Casitas Youth Camp with him, didn't you?
+Nothing, Ray.  That Larry, he's a pisser.  You did the Casitas Youth Camp with him, didn't you?	Man, why're you talkin' about Larry?  His business is his business.
+Ray, you protected Ty and Larry up in Casitas, didn't you?	You ain't woofin' I did.  Stupid down home niggers got no more sense than a fuckin' dog.
+I heard you like to shoot dogs.	Dogs got no reason to live.
+Dogs got no reason to live.	Oh?  you feel that way about people, too?
+Oh?  you feel that way about people, too?	Man, what're you saying?
+Man, what're you saying?	Ray, we got the shotguns.
+Ray, we got the shotguns.	I don't own no shotguns.
+I don't own no shotguns.	Why were you throwing clothes in the building incinerator?
+Why were you throwing clothes in the building incinerator?	Say what?
+Say what?	You guys were arrested this morning, but none of you have last night's clothes.  You were seen burning them.  Add to that the fact that you hid the car you were cruising around in last night and it doesn't look good.
+You guys were arrested this morning, but none of you have last night's clothes.  You were seen burning them.  Add to that the fact that you hid the car you were cruising around in last night and it doesn't look good.	I got nothin' more to say till I see a judge.
+I got nothin' more to say till I see a judge.	Were you on hop?  You were passed out when you got arrested.  Were you hopped up, Ray?
+Were you on hop?  You were passed out when you got arrested.  Were you hopped up, Ray?	Ty and Larry fuck with that shit, not me.
+Ty and Larry fuck with that shit, not me.	Where do they get their stuff? Come on.  Give me one to feed the D.A.  Just a little one.
+What do you mean Deuce Perkins got clipped last night?!	They shot him in his library.
+They shot him in his library.	I don't want a floor plan; I want to know who!  Who's taking the ticket for this, Johnny?
+I don't want a floor plan; I want to know who!  Who's taking the ticket for this, Johnny?	Nobody.  At least not yet.
+Nobody.  At least not yet.	And what about the merchandise Deuce was holding for me?
+And what about the merchandise Deuce was holding for me?	Gone.  Not a trace.
+Gone.  Not a trace.	Some ferstunkener is moving in and we don't know who?!  Maybe we should ask Hedda Hopper!
+This is Mr. Hudgeons, Wendell.	I'm happy to cooperate.  You don't need to tie me down.
+I'm happy to cooperate.  You don't need to tie me down.	It's for your own safety.  Now what can you tell us about Sergeant John Vincennes?
+It's for your own safety.  Now what can you tell us about Sergeant John Vincennes?	Trashcan Jack.  The Big V.  I can tell you he's on the Night Train to the big adios.
+Take it easy!  I didn't have anything to do with him getting killed if that's what you mean.	But you were business associates?
+But you were business associates?	What does that have to do --
+Okay so we worked together.  It was an information exchange.  I got him first class collars and he got me good stories.  We were friends for Chrissakes!	Alright.  We'll drop that line for now.  Next topic.  Please comment on Pierce Patchett.
+Okay.  Okay.  Everyone knows Patchett's worth a boat-load of greenbacks.  From aviation, freeway construction.  But the man has hobbies, too.  He bankrolls B movies under the table and runs movie star look-alike hookers. And try this on:  he's rumored to be a periodic heroin sniffer.  All in all a powerful behind-the- scenes strange-o.	And?
+And?	And what?
+Reciprocity, Mr. Hudgeons, is the key to all relationships.	He runs call girls.  Primo tail. Fixed up like movie stars.
+And?	In my car.  Blackmail shit.  The trunk under the carpet.  Patchett got me to photograph a cop fucking this gorgeous cunt Lynn, looks just like Veronicaaa --
+That was his favorite toast.  I saw the test results on the lieutenant's exam.  You placed first out of twenty-three.	The youngest applicant by eight years.
+The youngest applicant by eight years.	You'll make lieutenant inside a year.  Patrol division?
+You'll make lieutenant inside a year.  Patrol division?	I was thinking Detective Bureau.
+You're wrong.	Am I...?  Would you be willing to plant corroborative evidence on a suspect you knew was guilty in order to ensure an indictment?
+Am I...?  Would you be willing to plant corroborative evidence on a suspect you knew was guilty in order to ensure an indictment?	Dudley, we've been over this.
+Dudley, we've been over this.	Answer yes or no.
+Answer yes or no.	I... No.
+I... No.	Would you be willing to rig crime scene evidence to support a prosecuting attorney's working hypothesis...?  Yes or no, Edmund.
+Would you be willing to rig crime scene evidence to support a prosecuting attorney's working hypothesis...?  Yes or no, Edmund.	No.
+No.	Would you be willing to beat confessions out of suspects you knew to be guilty?
+Would you be willing to beat confessions out of suspects you knew to be guilty?	No.
+No.	Would you be willing to shoot hardened criminals in the back to offset the chance --
+Would you be willing to shoot hardened criminals in the back to offset the chance --	No.
+No.	Then for God's sake, don't be a detective.  Stick to assignments where you won't have to make those choices.  Patrol, Internal Affairs, but not the Bureau.
+Then for God's sake, don't be a detective.  Stick to assignments where you won't have to make those choices.  Patrol, Internal Affairs, but not the Bureau.	I know you mean well, Dudley, but I don't need to do it the way you did.  Or my father.
+I know you mean well, Dudley, but I don't need to do it the way you did.  Or my father.	At least get rid of the glasses. I can't think of one Bureau man who wears them.
+Stensland's a disgrace.  Straight D fitness reports from every C.O. he ever served under.  But White is a valuable officer.	White's a mindless thug.
+White's a mindless thug.	No, Edmund.  He's a man who can answer yes to those questions I ask you from time to time.
+You'll reap the benefits, but are you truly prepared to be despised within the department?	Yes, Dudley.  I am.
+Yes, Dudley.  I am.	So be it.
+You should stay away from a man when his blood is up.	His blood's always up.
+Sir, I took the call.  It's my case.	Edmund, you don't want it and you can't have it.
+Edmund, you don't want it and you can't have it.	Yes, I do, sir.
+Yes, I do, sir.	It's mine.  I'll make you my second in command.
+Why?	We got a call earlier on three Negro youths.  Firing shotguns in Griffith Park from a late-model purple Mercury Coupe.
+We got a call earlier on three Negro youths.  Firing shotguns in Griffith Park from a late-model purple Mercury Coupe.	Get on it.
+Ed, I want confessions.	I'll break them, sir.
+Don't get sidetracked.  Stay with the Nite Owl.	She may still be alive, whoever she is.
+There are loose ends out there, Dudley.  I --	There always are.  But there are also three men and three guns. Matched forensically.  A few loose ends don't matter.
+There always are.  But there are also three men and three guns. Matched forensically.  A few loose ends don't matter.	Something's wrong.  I feel it inside.  Doesn't that sound crazy?
+No... Where'd the tip come from?	Anonymous.  Probably nothing.
+I'm loathe to kill my brother officers, Edmund.	Tell that to Jack Vincennes.  To Stensland.
+Tell that to Jack Vincennes.  To Stensland.	Jack was a shame, but Dick Stensland had the audacity to try to sell me my own heroin.  Through his whore girl friend.  I sent him to make the buy.  The rest is history.
+Jack was a shame, but Dick Stensland had the audacity to try to sell me my own heroin.  Through his whore girl friend.  I sent him to make the buy.  The rest is history.	Why?
+Why?	A vacuum, Edmund.  That's what we have in Los Angeles.  Sending Mickey Cohen up created it.  My containment work maintained it. Certain photographs guarantee it. Organized crime has been held back, but there's still a demand for the services it provides.
+A vacuum, Edmund.  That's what we have in Los Angeles.  Sending Mickey Cohen up created it.  My containment work maintained it. Certain photographs guarantee it. Organized crime has been held back, but there's still a demand for the services it provides.	And now you'll provide them.
+And now you'll provide them.	Absolutely.  Prostitution and gambling are victimless crimes. The heroin we'll run down to the coloreds.  Anesthetize them.  As long as it's not a middle class problem, no one will care.  It's still a crime free city... for respectable people.
+No.	Why not, lad?  Absolute justice?
+Why not, lad?  Absolute justice?	Something like that.
+Something like that.	Really?  Would you be willing to rig crime scene evidence to support a prosecuting attorney's working hypothesis?
+John, I doubt you've ever drawn a stupid breath.  Don't start now.	Okay.  I'll do it.
+You think golden boy can handle it, Cap?	I think you'll be surprised what Edmund's capable of.
+John Vincennes.  It's three A.M., lad.	Two minutes, Dudley.  It's important.
+Two minutes, Dudley.  It's important.	Lucky for you that my wife and four fair daughters are at the beach in Santa Barbara.
+You remember Buzz Meeks, Dudley?	A disgrace as a policeman. Straight D fitness reports from every C.O. he ever served under. What about him?
+A disgrace as a policeman. Straight D fitness reports from every C.O. he ever served under. What about him?	Twelve years ago he worked a vice roust with Dick Stensland.  They arrested a Pierce Patchett on an extortion scam.  Guy ran hookers. He'd have them photographed with their johns, then double-dip for some blackmail.  Charges got dropped.  Insufficient evidence. You were supervising officer on the case and I was wondering if you remember anything about it.
+Twelve years ago he worked a vice roust with Dick Stensland.  They arrested a Pierce Patchett on an extortion scam.  Guy ran hookers. He'd have them photographed with their johns, then double-dip for some blackmail.  Charges got dropped.  Insufficient evidence. You were supervising officer on the case and I was wondering if you remember anything about it.	What's this all about, lad?
+What's this all about, lad?	Part of it has to do with a murder.  I've been working with Ed Exley on it.
+Part of it has to do with a murder.  I've been working with Ed Exley on it.	You're Narco, lad, not Homicide. And since when do you work with Edmund?
+You're Narco, lad, not Homicide. And since when do you work with Edmund?	It's a private investigation.  I fucked something up and I want to make amends.
+It's a private investigation.  I fucked something up and I want to make amends.	Don't start trying to do the right thing, John.  You haven't had enough practice.
+Have you discussed this with anyone else, John?	No.
+No.	Not even with Exley?
+You're the key witness?	That's right.
+That's right.	I should've known.  What's the Chief throwing you?
+I should've known.  What's the Chief throwing you?	Throwing me?
+Throwing me?	Yeah, Exley.  What's the payoff?
+Yeah, Exley.  What's the payoff?	You're the payoff expert.  I'm just doing my duty.
+You're the payoff expert.  I'm just doing my duty.	You're playing an angle, college boy.  You're getting something out of this so you don't have to hobnob with the fucking rank and file cops who'll hate your guts for snitching.  If they're making you a detective, watch out.  Some Bureau guys are gonna burn in this and you're gonna have to work with friends of theirs.
+You're playing an angle, college boy.  You're getting something out of this so you don't have to hobnob with the fucking rank and file cops who'll hate your guts for snitching.  If they're making you a detective, watch out.  Some Bureau guys are gonna burn in this and you're gonna have to work with friends of theirs.	What about you?
+What about you?	I'm snitching three old timers who'll be fishing in Oregon next week.  Next to you I'm clean.  And smart.
+L.A.P.D.	Shit.  Someone beat us here.
+Damnit...	What?
+What?	Glasses.
+Glasses.	Just don't shoot me.
+I need to speak to you.	Give me a minute, will ya?
+Damnit... What?	I want you to follow Bud White.
+I want you to follow Bud White.	Even I'm not that crazy.
+Even I'm not that crazy.	It's not a request.  I need to know what White knows.  Follow him or I'll have you pulled off 'Badge of Honor.'  Permanently.
+It's not a request.  I need to know what White knows.  Follow him or I'll have you pulled off 'Badge of Honor.'  Permanently.	Yesterday that might've meant something.  Pull me off.  You'd be doing me a big favor.
+Yesterday that might've meant something.  Pull me off.  You'd be doing me a big favor.	Yesterday yes, today no.  What happened last night?
+Yesterday yes, today no.  What happened last night?	Transfer me, suspend me.  Just leave me alone.
+Transfer me, suspend me.  Just leave me alone.	You make a mistake?
+You make a mistake?	Yeah.  My whole life.
+Listen, I think I made a mistake, too.	I ain't a priest, Lieutenant.  I can't hear your confession.
+I ain't a priest, Lieutenant.  I can't hear your confession.	Do you make the three Negroes for the Nite Owl killings?
+Do you make the three Negroes for the Nite Owl killings?	What?
+What?	It's a simple question.
+It's a simple question.	You should be the last person who wants to dig any deeper into the Nite Owl, Lieutenant.
+Is there more to that, or do I have to guess?	Rollo was a purse snatcher.  My father ran into him off duty.  He shot my father six times and got away clean.  No one even knew who he was.  I made the name up to give him some personality.
+Rollo was a purse snatcher.  My father ran into him off duty.  He shot my father six times and got away clean.  No one even knew who he was.  I made the name up to give him some personality.	So what's the point?
+So what's the point?	Rollo's the reason I became a cop. I wanted to catch the guys who thought they could get away with it.  It was supposed to be about truth and justice and Rollo.  But somewhere along the way I forgot all that... How about you, Jack? Why'd you become a cop?
+I'm trying to figure what angle you're playing this time, but I sure as hell can't see one.	I've given up angles for awhile. I just want to solve this thing.
+I've given up angles for awhile. I just want to solve this thing.	The Nite Owl was solved, Lieutenant.
+The Nite Owl was solved, Lieutenant.	I want to do it right.
+Okay, college boy, I'll help you. But I want half the collar.	A third.  I don't think we can make a case without Bud White.
+What's that for?	Bud White.  He sees us and we're dead.
+Jesus... Maybe White's not so dumb after all.	Rita Hayworth at the morgue and now Veronica Lake with White. What the hell's going on?
+Rita Hayworth at the morgue and now Veronica Lake with White. What the hell's going on?	Movie star hookers.  Whatever you desire... It's Fleur-fr-Lis again.
+Movie star hookers.  Whatever you desire... It's Fleur-fr-Lis again.	What's Fleur-de-Lis?
+What's Fleur-de-Lis?	High line whores.  With plastic surgery to look like movie stars. And who knows what else?  It's run by this guy Pierce Patchett.  You want to talk to him?
+High line whores.  With plastic surgery to look like movie stars. And who knows what else?  It's run by this guy Pierce Patchett.  You want to talk to him?	Yeah.  But first I want to brace Stompanato.
+She is Lana Turner.	What?
+What?	She is Lana Turner.
+What are you going to do?	I'm going to Lynn Bracken's.  I'll meet you at the Dining Car.
+I'm going to Lynn Bracken's.  I'll meet you at the Dining Car.	Great.  You get the girl, I get the coroner.
+What's on the call sheet?	A guy dressed as Santa has been exposing himself to kids in Los Feliz.  Apparently, sir, he's decorated himself.
+A guy dressed as Santa has been exposing himself to kids in Los Feliz.  Apparently, sir, he's decorated himself.	Decorated?
+Decorated?	With tinsel and plastic icicles and... on his penis, sir.
+With tinsel and plastic icicles and... on his penis, sir.	I get the idea.  You got a description?
+I get the idea.  You got a description?	Of his penis, sir?
+We got a total of forty-five spent 12-gauge Remington shotgun shells. Three men with five-shot-capacity pumps.  All of them reloading twice.	Hold on... We need to canvass. See if a purple Mercury was seen around here tonight.
+The Nite Owl.  Anything bothering you about the case?	Yeah.  The fact that you guys won't let it get filed away.
+Yeah.  The fact that you guys won't let it get filed away.	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	Bud White grilled me on it this morning.  You know, he's not as dumb as I thought.
+We got a dead ex-cop and a girl who looks like Rita Hayworth at the Nite Owl.  Another dead ex-cop under the house of Rita's mother. It's not a good week for ex-cops.	I got Vincennes in the next room. It's not a good week for cops in general.
+I'll tell you what I told Officer White when he asked me about Susan's death.	Bud White's been here?
+Bud White's been here?	For the last time.  I may suborn women into illicit activities, but they're handsomely compensated, I treat them well and make sure the men they deal with show them every due respect.
+For the last time.  I may suborn women into illicit activities, but they're handsomely compensated, I treat them well and make sure the men they deal with show them every due respect.	Is the Veronica Lake look-alike one of your whores?
+Is the Veronica Lake look-alike one of your whores?	A vulgar term, but yes.
+A vulgar term, but yes.	What's her name?
+What's her name?	Lynn Bracken.
+Lynn Bracken.	Why's she seeing Bud White?
+Why's she seeing Bud White?	Why do men and women usually see each other?
+Why do men and women usually see each other?	Anything else you want to add before I talk to her?
+Anything else you want to add before I talk to her?	No.
+No.	Not good enough.
+Not good enough.	Then try talking to my lawyer. Good evening, gentlemen.
+Miss Bracken, I'm Lieutenant Exley.	I know who you are.  You're the policeman Bud told me about.
+I know who you are.  You're the policeman Bud told me about.	Really?  What did White say?
+Really?  What did White say?	He said you were smart.  He also said you were competing with your dead father.  How did he put it? Trying to measure up to a ghost.
+Let's concentrate on my smarts. Pierce Patchett made you, didn't he?  He taught you how to dress and talk and think and I am very impressed with the results.  But I need some answers and if I don't get them, I'm going to take you and Patchett down.	He can take care of himself and I'm not afraid of you.  And you forgot one thing, Lieutenant. Pierce also taught me how to fuck... Can I get you a drink?
+I'm curious about you.	Why?
+It galls you that I know so much about you.  You don't have information to compete.	Don't underestimate me, Miss Bracken.
+Don't underestimate me, Miss Bracken.	The way you've underestimated Bud White?
+How was I?	Oh, the best I ever had. Absolutely the best.
+Oh, the best I ever had. Absolutely the best.	You sound like you mean it.
+You sound like you mean it.	The silver screen's loss is your gain.
+The silver screen's loss is your gain.	How about White?
+How about White?	You want to know what Bud's like in bed?
+I want to know why you see him. Is it a Patchett payoff?	I see Bud because I want to.  I see Bud because he can't hide the warmth he has inside him.
+I see Bud because I want to.  I see Bud because he can't hide the warmth he has inside him.	I'll take your word for it.
+I'll take your word for it.	I see Bud because he makes me feel like Lynn Bracken and not some Veronica Lake look-alike who fucks for money.  I see him because he doesn't know how to disguise who he is.  There's more if you want to hear it.
+Does all that make it harder for you to hate him or easier?	I don't hate White.  I really don't.  It's just, in my business, it's the wild cars you have to watch out for.
+I don't hate White.  I really don't.  It's just, in my business, it's the wild cars you have to watch out for.	You don't like that you don't know how to play him.  He doesn't follow the same rules of politics you do.  That makes him dangerous.
+You don't like that you don't know how to play him.  He doesn't follow the same rules of politics you do.  That makes him dangerous.	You cut to the heart of things, don't you?  What about Lynn Bracken?  She going to be a hooker all her life?
+You cut to the heart of things, don't you?  What about Lynn Bracken?  She going to be a hooker all her life?	I came out here with a dream. That's gone, but I settled for reality.
+I came out here with a dream. That's gone, but I settled for reality.	Some reality.
+Some reality.	No.  This is the means to the reality.  But I'm not going to tell you what it is.
+No.  This is the means to the reality.  But I'm not going to tell you what it is.	Why not?
+Why not?	Because you'll use it against me. Won't you?
+You're tougher than Bud thinks you are.	You're the first person to ever call me tough.
+You're the first person to ever call me tough.	Like recognizes like.  I'm pretty tough, myself.
+Like recognizes like.  I'm pretty tough, myself.	You, me and White, huh?
+You, me and White, huh?	Actually, Bud's only tough on the outside.
+If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake.	Forget everything else for a second, Lynn.  Is there anything you can give me on Dudley Smith?
+A police captain.  I think he's behind all of this.	I work for Patchett.  I had a feeling that there was someone else, but I never knew who.
+I work for Patchett.  I had a feeling that there was someone else, but I never knew who.	Okay.  Look, if it helps, Bud hates himself for what he did.
+Okay.  Look, if it helps, Bud hates himself for what he did.	I know how he feels.
+Where will you go?	Bisbee, Arizona.  The air's good for pensioners and I know where everything is.
+Bisbee, Arizona.  The air's good for pensioners and I know where everything is.	When?
+When?	Right now, before I back down.
+Right now, before I back down.	Where is he?
+Do you think I ever could've been in the running?	Some men get the world.  Others get ex-hookers and a trip to Arizona.
+It's okay.  These are police.  What do you want?	I want D.A. bureau men to tail Dudley Smith twenty-four hours a day; I want you to get a judge to authorize a wire tap on his home phone; I want authorization to check his bank records and I want it all in an hour.
+I want D.A. bureau men to tail Dudley Smith twenty-four hours a day; I want you to get a judge to authorize a wire tap on his home phone; I want authorization to check his bank records and I want it all in an hour.	On what evidence?
+On what evidence?	None.  Call it a hunch.
+None.  Call it a hunch.	Absolutely not.  Dudley Smith is a highly decorated member of this city's police department and I won't smear his name without --
+Absolutely not.  Dudley Smith is a highly decorated member of this city's police department and I won't smear his name without --	Without what, his smearing yours first?  What's he got on you, Loew?  Pictures of you and an out of work actor with your pants down?
+Without what, his smearing yours first?  What's he got on you, Loew?  Pictures of you and an out of work actor with your pants down?	Do you have any proof?
+Do you have any proof?	The proof had his throat slit.  So far you're not denying it.
+The proof had his throat slit.  So far you're not denying it.	I'm not going to dignify youwith answers.  If you'll excuse me, I've got a Jack Vincennes press conference to prepare for.
+Okay!  You're right!  Dudley's got photos of me and Reynolds.	What's Dudley's scheme?
+It seems like my Susan, but...	When was the last time you saw her, Mrs. Lefferts?
+When was the last time you saw her, Mrs. Lefferts?	At Christmas.  We had fought.  I didn't like her boyfriend.  I -- she has a birthmark on her hip.
+Let my Susie rest in peace!	Mrs. Lefferts, I just want to ask a few questions.
+Mrs. Lefferts, I just want to ask a few questions.	That other policeman already checked under the house and found not a thing amiss.
+That other policeman already checked under the house and found not a thing amiss.	Officer White?
+Officer White?	A sweet man.
+A sweet man.	Under the house.
+Under the house.	All he found were rodents.  No signs of foul play.  So there.
+My daughter was a virgin!	I don't doubt it -- Oh, God.
+Big V Jack Vincennes!  May I have this dance?	Karen, this is Sid Hudgeons from Hush-Hush magazine.
+We did a piece last year. 'Ingenue Dykes In Hollywood.'  Her name got mentioned.	Is she?
+Is she?	Beats me.  Look, Jackie-Boy, a friend of mine just sold some reefer to Matt Reynolds.  He's tripping the light fantastic with Tammy Jordan at 2245 Maravilla, Hollywood Hills.  It's right around the corner.
+Beats me.  Look, Jackie-Boy, a friend of mine just sold some reefer to Matt Reynolds.  He's tripping the light fantastic with Tammy Jordan at 2245 Maravilla, Hollywood Hills.  It's right around the corner.	You lost me, Sid.  Who?
+You lost me, Sid.  Who?	Contract players at Metro.  You pinch 'em.  I do you up feature in the next issue.  Plus the usual fifty cash.  Tell me, am I fucking Santa Claus?
+Contract players at Metro.  You pinch 'em.  I do you up feature in the next issue.  Plus the usual fifty cash.  Tell me, am I fucking Santa Claus?	I need an extra fifty.  Two patrolmen at twenty apiece and a dime for the watch commander at Hollywood Station.
+I need an extra fifty.  Two patrolmen at twenty apiece and a dime for the watch commander at Hollywood Station.	Jack!  It's Christmas!
+Jack!  It's Christmas!	No.  It's felony possession of marijuana.
+They're sitting in the dark, goofing on the Christmas tree.	Stand there with your camera. I'll stop here so you get Grauman's Chinese in the backgrouns.
+Stand there with your camera. I'll stop here so you get Grauman's Chinese in the backgrouns.	I like it!  I like it!
+It's Christmas morning in the City of Angels, and while decent citizens sleep the sleep of the righteous, hopheads prowl for marijuana, not knowing that a man is coming to stop them.  The free- wheeling, big-time Big V, celebrity crime-stopper, Jack Vincennes, the scourge of grasshoppers and junk fiends everywhere.  You like it, Jackie- Boy?	Yeah, it's subtle.
+Hush-Hush.  Off the record and on the Q.T.	Sid, it's Vincennes.
+Sid, it's Vincennes.	Jackie, are you back on Narco?  I need copy.
+No.  But I've got something going with Ad Vice.	Something good?
+Something good?	Don't know.  I'm chasing picture books.  Fuck shots, but the posers don't look like junkies.  It's well done stuff.  I thought you might have heard something.
+Not a word.	What about Fleur-de-Lis?  Their slogan's 'Whatever you desire.'
+What about Fleur-de-Lis?  Their slogan's 'Whatever you desire.'	No.  No, I've heard bupkis.  Jack, I'll talk to you later.  Call me when you get something I can use. Smut's from hunger.  For sad sacks who can't get their ashes hauled
+You're back, boychick.	Sid, how are they hanging?
+Sid, how are they hanging?	Down around my ankles.
+The Grauman's Chinese pot bust. He just got off the honor farm.	What's he doing here, Sid?
+What's he doing here, Sid?	You tight with the D.A., trash?
+You tight with the D.A., trash?	Sure, he just tried to throw me off the force last Christmas as a little joke.
+Sure, he just tried to throw me off the force last Christmas as a little joke.	How'd you like a little payback? Not to mention a donation to the widows and orphans fund.  Did you know Loew was a swish?
+How'd you like a little payback? Not to mention a donation to the widows and orphans fund.  Did you know Loew was a swish?	And Reynolds?
+And Reynolds?	He's queer too.  Metro paid him two grand a week to fake it with ingenues.  On screen and off.  I'm getting him to fuck the D.A. for a hundred bucks.  That's twice the fifty you got for wrecking his career.
+Sid, why would a guy like Pierce Patchett get involved with running dope and hookers?	Where'd you hear that?
+Where'd you hear that?	Around.
+Around.	Jackie, all I know is what you know.  The man is very rich.  And he's invested in freeway construction so he's gonna get a lot richer.  But that's it. Patchett's what I like to call 'Twilight.'  He ain't queer, he ain't Red, he can't help me in my quest for prime sinuendo.
+Jackie!  You got some good scoop for the Sidster?	Sid, cut the crap.  I --
+Sid, cut the crap.  I --	Give me some Narco skinny.  I want to put out an all hop-head issue. Shvartze jazz musicians and movie stars.  Maybe tie it into the Rosenbergs.  You like?
+Shut up!	What's wrong, Trash?
+What's wrong, Trash?	What happened with the kid and Loew?
+What happened with the kid and Loew?	You didn't get my message?  It got called off.  The kid chickened out at the last minute.
+You didn't get my message?  It got called off.  The kid chickened out at the last minute.	He's dead.  I was just there. Somebody slit his throat.
+He's dead.  I was just there. Somebody slit his throat.	Jesus.  Jack, that's a story. 'Swish Actor Gets The Gay Blade.' Let me get my camera.
+Loew didn't go with him.  You're sure?	I put Reynolds in the cab myself. The night cost me a hundred scoots and I got bupkis.
+Pacific Coast Bell.	This is Sgt. Vincennes. Requesting a name and address on a phone number.  Hollywood zero-one- two-three-nine.
+This is Sgt. Vincennes. Requesting a name and address on a phone number.  Hollywood zero-one- two-three-nine.	Please hold the line... No such number is assigned.
+Please hold the line... No such number is assigned.	I just called it.
+I just called it.	No, Sergeant.  I checked twice.
+No, Sergeant.  I checked twice.	A bootleg...
+Yeah.  Sergeant Jack Vincennes requesting.  I need the home address on a Pierce Patchett.	Please hold, Sergeant...
+Have we met before?	Yeah.
+Was it a party?	Something like that.
+Something like that.	Oh, I know.  A Fleur-de-Lis party, right?
+Fleaur-de-Lis.  'Whatever you desire.'	Dope, liquor, hookers that look like movie stars.  Pierce Patchett has it all.
+Yeah.  Me and Patchett go way back.	Pierce isn't like regular people. I dig him, but he scares me too.
+Pierce isn't like regular people. I dig him, but he scares me too.	Really?  How?
+Really?  How?	You know, when I came out to L.A., this isn't exactly where I saw myself ending up.
+You know, when I came out to L.A., this isn't exactly where I saw myself ending up.	Yeah.  Me neither.
+I'm pretty sure I can get you a part on the show... But tonight? Pretend it's an acting job, kid. Showbiz.	And no one'll know about this?
+And no one'll know about this?	It'll be our secret.
+It'll be our secret.	Showbiz.
+Gee.  The Great Jerk-Off Book Caper of 1953.	Vincennes, is there someplace you'd rather be?
+Vincennes, is there someplace you'd rather be?	Yeah, Cap.  Back in Narcotics.
+Yeah, Cap.  Back in Narcotics.	Oh?  Anyplace else?
+Oh?  Anyplace else?	Working whores with squad two.
+Working whores with squad two.	Maybe you should have thought of that before you made Bloody Christmas page one.
+Brill?	Brill's dead. He died of small pox when he was two and he was buried in a Kansas field.  My name doesn't matter.
+What happened?	It started with the information you gave me on DePinto. After we talked, he agreed to resign. Next, a phony detective asked me about Daniel Zavitz. Then an investigator questioned me about an extortion scheme they claimed Zavitz was behind. The FBI started looking into mob connections. A doctored picture in the paper. Overnight, I'm ruined. Wife. job, bank accounts, everything gone.
+DePinto's dead.	Oh Jesus.
+Oh Jesus.	They found him yesterday folded neatly in a car trunk. What about Zavitz?
+I don't know anything about Zavitz.	You said he was behind an extortion scheme.
+You said he was behind an extortion scheme.	They said he was behind an extortion scheme.
+And you were the last one to talk to him.	Yes.
+Yes.	What'd he say to you?
+What'd he say to you?	Nothing.
+Nothing.	What'd he give to you?
+What'd he give to you?	Nothing.
+Nothing.	Don't bullshit me, I can save your life.
+Don't bullshit me, I can save your life.	I'm telling you, I--
+I just gave him my card.	He didn't give you an address? He didn't give you a phone number?
+He didn't give you an address? He didn't give you a phone number?	Nothing. Two nights later I was robbed. I'm pretty sure they were pros.
+Um...who's that?	Don't know. Did you check everywhere? Maybe it was hidden in something. Maybe there was someone else--
+Don't know. Did you check everywhere? Maybe it was hidden in something. Maybe there was someone else--	Someone else?
+Someone else?	Maybe you bumped into someone who took it and you didn't even know.
+209 to anyone! I need some help here!	Who are you calling?!
+It's actually DH-1 Digitech Pinpoint scanning with a frequency modulator.	I don't know what that means.
+I don't know what that means.	Me neither, but the upshot is I've got color live-action footage of you and Ms Hawkins and it doesn't look good.
+Me neither, but the upshot is I've got color live-action footage of you and Ms Hawkins and it doesn't look good.	So...how much money do you want in exchange for not ruining my life?
+So...how much money do you want in exchange for not ruining my life?	I don't want any money. And believe me, I have no interest in ruining your life. I'm not interested in this tape.
+I don't want any money. And believe me, I have no interest in ruining your life. I'm not interested in this tape.	You're not.
+Zavitz, what? You want your old job back?	Listen to me--
+Listen to me--	Tired of chasing squirrels around the park?
+Tired of chasing squirrels around the park?	Listen--
+Listen--	Lemme ask you something. I put a bird feeder out in the yard, but the squirrels, they keep taking--
+Lemme ask you something. I put a bird feeder out in the yard, but the squirrels, they keep taking--	Turn on CNN.
+Turn on CNN.	They keep taking the bird seed. I thought since you're the expert on--
+They keep taking the bird seed. I thought since you're the expert on--	Goddammit, shut the fuck up and turn on CNN!
+Goddammit, shut the fuck up and turn on CNN!	Alright, I made a joke about squirrels, don't get so--
+Alright, I made a joke about squirrels, don't get so--	Do it!
+You've got it on tape?	Clear as day.
+Clear as day.	Who else have you told?
+No one. But I'm a little nervous.	When can you get it here?
+When can you get it here?	I'm doing a transfer now.
+I'm doing a transfer now.	Come straight here. Don't talk to anyone.
+Come straight here. Don't talk to anyone.	I'll come straight there.
+I'll come straight there.	Be careful, Danny.
+We've also been informed that the Grand Jury is going to call for an investigation into your affairs.	Why?
+Why?	They want to hold you in Contempt for ethics violations.
+It is?	Except for the part about my setting up a company in Zurich and knowing anyone named Sam Vollotti and having any relationship whatsoever with the Gambino family.
+Tell us about Rachel Banks.	Rachel Banks?
+What kind of a question is that?	A direct one.
+A direct one.	I have a professional relationship with Rachel Banks. She's the go- between for a private investigator I use.
+Why don't you just call Brill directly.	I don't know who he is.
+I don't know who he is.	I'm told you had an affair with Rachel Banks four years ago.
+I'm told you had an affair with Rachel Banks four years ago.	Told by whom?
+Told by whom?	Considering the enormous exposure to which you've subjected this firm, I'd think you'd do best to simply answer my questions.
+Considering the enormous exposure to which you've subjected this firm, I'd think you'd do best to simply answer my questions.	Really?
+Really?	Yes.
+Yes.	Well considering what a colossal douche bag you are, David, maybe I'd do best to simply kick your ass all over the capitol.
+You knew the deal. No contact.	Who was that other guy?
+Who was that other guy?	One of many people who would live a word with you.
+One of many people who would live a word with you.	Who are they?
+Who are they?	You've heard of the National Security Agency?
+You've heard of the National Security Agency?	What do they have to do with this?
+What do they have to do with this?	That's who they are.
+That's who they are.	The NSA?
+The NSA?	Yes.
+Yes.	You're crazy.
+You're crazy.	Okay.
+Okay.	Wait.
+Wait.	You drive a black BMW, license plate SRK1339?
+You drive a black BMW, license plate SRK1339?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	I clipped this from your wheel well just before they towed your car away.
+What is that?	It's a SAT-tracker.
+It's a SAT-tracker.	I don't know what that means.
+I don't know what that means.	Like a LowJack, but two generations ahead of what the police use. It pulses at 230 Giga-Hertz.
+Like a LowJack, but two generations ahead of what the police use. It pulses at 230 Giga-Hertz.	I don't know what that means.
+I don't know what that means.	230 Giga-Hertz. They use that band for the Aquacade Spy-SAT uplinks.
+230 Giga-Hertz. They use that band for the Aquacade Spy-SAT uplinks.	I don't know what that means.
+I don't know what that means.	It means the NSA can read the time off your wristwatch.
+It means the NSA can read the time off your wristwatch.	Why are they after me?
+Why are they after me?	If I knew, they'd be after me. Which they probably are right now. 'Bye.
+If I knew, they'd be after me. Which they probably are right now. 'Bye.	Wait. What do I do?
+Wait. What do I do?	Pal, you're cooked. It's over. What you did, who you were...that's done. I'd find a quiet job somewhere shoveling snow.
+Why don't they just identify themselves and tell me what they want?	They're spooks.
+They're spooks.	I don't know what that--
+I don't know what that--	Exposure. They can't have it. They wanna learn what you know and then deal with it.
+Exposure. They can't have it. They wanna learn what you know and then deal with it.	I don't know anything.
+I don't know anything.	No shit.
+No shit.	What am I gonna do?! I mean, like, for the rest of my life?!
+What am I gonna do?! I mean, like, for the rest of my life?!	Hey, if you live another week I'll be impressed.
+Hey, if you live another week I'll be impressed.	What if--
+What if--	Look, you gave me some work over the last year. We'll call it even.
+What if I find out what they're after. You know these people, I don't.	And you won't. Now move--
+And you won't. Now move--	I'll pay you.
+I'll pay you.	They froze your accounts. Get outa my way.
+How many years have you been hiding from them? How many years have you been running?  What'd they do to you?	If you find something, chalk the Baltimore Sheraton mailbox and go to Temperanceville. It's South of Salisbury.  And take this.
+Get dressed. We're leaving.	You could knock on the door, you know, and I'd open it.
+You could knock on the door, you know, and I'd open it.	Move it.
+I taped it off the 11 o'clock news.	And you were worried about me. That's nice, I appreciate--
+And you were worried about me. That's nice, I appreciate--	I was worried about my hundred and twenty 'K'.
+I was worried about my hundred and twenty 'K'.	We said a hundred.
+We said a hundred.	The price rises with the temperature and right now you're smokin'. But you're right, you should shop around and get the best price. I'll just let you out here.
+The price rises with the temperature and right now you're smokin'. But you're right, you should shop around and get the best price. I'll just let you out here.	One-twenty.
+Did you call anyone?	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	I mean did you call anyone.
+I mean did you call anyone.	Look, my wife is understandably--
+Look, my wife is understandably--	Jesus!
+Jesus!	I called my wife!
+I called my wife!	What'd I tell you?
+What'd I tell you?	I didn't use my name.
+I didn't use my name.	What'd I tell you?
+What'd I tell you?	I called from a payphone!
+I called from a payphone!	What'd I tell you?
+What'd I tell you?	You told me no calls.
+You told me no calls.	I told you no calls.
+Sorry.	You don't get it. They go through your phone records. They fuckin' monitor everyone you called in the last--
+You don't get it. They go through your phone records. They fuckin' monitor everyone you called in the last--	I didn't use my name.
+I didn't use my name.	Oh, I'll bet that threw 'em off the scent. I sure hope you covered the mouthpiece with a handkerchief and used a funny voice!
+The NSA's been in bed with the entire tele-communications industry since the 40's. They've infected everything: Banks, computers, phones, mail, name it.  The more technology we buy into, the easier it is keeping tabs on us. It's a brave new world.  At least it better be.	How do you know so much?
+How do you know so much?	None of your business.
+None of your business.	You used to work for 'em, didn't you?
+You used to work for 'em, didn't you?	I was a traffic analyst.
+I intercepted phone calls.	How'd you get around the tap orders?
+How'd you get around the tap orders?	They can tap anything as along as it's an airwave intercept. Cellulars and pagers your kid can do.  Hard-line calls we'd pick off the relays as they were being fed into ground cables or fired up to the SATs. We'd suck in everything. All foreign, most domestic.  Domestic was my group. Druggies, radicals, loud-mouths. Anyone we wanted.
+They can tap anything as along as it's an airwave intercept. Cellulars and pagers your kid can do.  Hard-line calls we'd pick off the relays as they were being fed into ground cables or fired up to the SATs. We'd suck in everything. All foreign, most domestic.  Domestic was my group. Druggies, radicals, loud-mouths. Anyone we wanted.	How'd you have the manpower to--
+How'd you have the manpower to--	"Meade has 18 underground acres of computers. They scan every phonecall for target words like ""bomb"" or ""President"". We red-flag phone numbers or voice prints...whatever we wanted. When the computers found something, it was bounced to comparative analysis."
+"Meade has 18 underground acres of computers. They scan every phonecall for target words like ""bomb"" or ""President"". We red-flag phone numbers or voice prints...whatever we wanted. When the computers found something, it was bounced to comparative analysis."	Jesus.
+Jesus.	That was twenty years ago. With digital? They can suck a salt grain off a beach.
+That was twenty years ago. With digital? They can suck a salt grain off a beach.	Why'd you leave?
+Why'd you leave?	It was '72. I figured we had enough problems without monitoring a Berkeley kid's class schedule. So I sold my story to Ramparts and split.
+It was '72. I figured we had enough problems without monitoring a Berkeley kid's class schedule. So I sold my story to Ramparts and split.	They come after you?
+They come after you?	Well...there'd be too much disclosure to prosecute me. So they ruined my records and made sure I'd never hold a real job again.
+What do you think?	Looks like Detroit.
+Looks like Detroit.	Welcome to Santa's Workshop.
+That is one ugly sunrise.	It really is.  Did you find anything?
+It really is.  Did you find anything?	Yeah.  Take a walk with me.
+Remember when Senator Hamersley died in an accident up near Shenandoah?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	The NSA killed him.
+The NSA killed him.	Jesus. Do you have proof?
+Jesus. Do you have proof?	Well, actually, you have proof. Could you walk a little faster please.
+Well, actually, you have proof. Could you walk a little faster please.	What's going on?
+What's going on?	They're here.
+They're here.	Who?
+Who?	Them.
+Them.	Where?
+Where?	Here?
+Here?	Here?!
+Here?!	In the warehouse. They're hiding in a duct on the third floor. When we go back inside, they're gonna kill us. When they notice that we're moving toward the car, they'll come running out of the building.
+In the warehouse. They're hiding in a duct on the third floor. When we go back inside, they're gonna kill us. When they notice that we're moving toward the car, they'll come running out of the building.	'Kay, well, could you walk faster, please.
+Empty 'em 'till they're almost flat. And turn your head. There might be some debris flying your way.	Why?
+What the fuck?!	They shouldn't have come without calling first.
+Gimme that.	You sure?
+You sure?	You're driving.
+You're driving.	Those are Feds.
+Those are Feds.	I didn't see a warrant. Did you see a warrant?
+Think we let out enough air?	Oh my God...
+We lost 'em.	That wasn't so hard.
+That wasn't so hard.	Fuckin-A.
+Fuckin-A.	Let's not do the tire thing anymore, okay?
+Let's not do the tire thing anymore, okay?	Yeah, I can see where that'd--
+These guys are incredibly persistent.	Tell me about it.
+Drive.	We're not gonna hurt you.
+We're not gonna hurt you.	Drive.
+Drive.	Tell him we're not gonna hurt him.
+Tell him we're not gonna hurt him.	Drive or I'll blow your fuckin' head off.
+Drive or I'll blow your fuckin' head off.	No he won't.
+No he won't.	Goddammit--
+Goddammit--	We're honest people and we need your help. I'll give you two- hundred dollars if you--
+"Listen to you, ""directly"". You're not gonna get near the News Department. And if you did, it'd never get on the air. Time-Life buried the Zapruder film for 15 years."	What about newspapers and magazines?
+What about newspapers and magazines?	Same thing?
+Same thing?	So what do we do now?
+So what do we do now?	I was thinkin' about asking for my hundred and fifty grand and calling it quits.
+I was thinkin' about asking for my hundred and fifty grand and calling it quits.	What if we do a mailing to Congressmen.
+What if we do a mailing to Congressmen.	"It'd never get through. All packages are screened, x-rayed and then hand-searched for explosives. You didn't like my ""give-me-my- money"" idea?"
+What if we hand deliver to their homes or office?	The area's wired for surveillance, they'll be looking for those moves.
+The area's wired for surveillance, they'll be looking for those moves.	Well how do I know what they're--
+Well how do I know what they're--	I know. I know what they're looking for and I'm telling you.
+What if we transmitted it over cellular?	Listen--
+Listen--	Nah, they'd shut down the pin number.
+Nah, they'd shut down the pin number.	What if--
+What if--	If they couldn't do that, they'd shut down the whole system, all the relays.
+If they couldn't do that, they'd shut down the whole system, all the relays.	What if--
+What if--	They've done it before. Takes maybe two minutes.
+They've done it before. Takes maybe two minutes.	What if--
+What if--	What if what?
+What if what?	What if we just fucked with 'em?
+What if we just fucked with 'em?	How?
+How?	Same way they did with you and me. We take their biggest guy and turn him into one of us.
+Same way they did with you and me. We take their biggest guy and turn him into one of us.	Reynolds.
+Reynolds.	No.
+No.	Who?
+You wanna get caught spying on Albert?	No, I want the NSA to get caught spying on Albert.
+We're gonna lead Albert by the nose to one conclusion. And then when he's pissed as hell, we're gonna drop the tape in his lap. How fast can you teach me what I need to know?	How fast can you learn?
+Pretty fast.	We'll have to re-stock some basics.
+What do you know about locking cellular phone signals?	I know my phone number and I know the number for SportsPhone. Beyond that--
+I know my phone number and I know the number for SportsPhone. Beyond that--	Shit.
+What are you dialing?	AmeriTech's data-base.  There's Albert's D.C. office address and his phone's identity code. Now we just reprogram out phone with his ID code and you know what we've got?
+He came in four minutes ago.	C'mon.
+Feeling lucky?	Not particularly, no.
+Baudmore Consultants.	Is Jerry Delsano in?
+Is Jerry Delsano in?	Who's calling?
+Who's calling?	It's Pat Cary. I work for Senator Sam Albert and I was given Jerry's name.
+It's Pat Cary. I work for Senator Sam Albert and I was given Jerry's name.	Jerry's on vacation 'till Monday. I can give him the message when he gets back. That was Patrick and the last name--
+Jerry's on vacation 'till Monday. I can give him the message when he gets back. That was Patrick and the last name--	The thing is...it really can't wait.
+The thing is...it really can't wait.	My name's Neil. Maybe I can help you.
+--Don't think it could've gone any better. Tell me, how's Deb? How're my grandchildren?	A receiver tuned permanently to the Senator's phone.
+Well, sir, I'm afraid it's not as simple as that. Your average newspaper guy or Hard Copy lady or whatever, they can't buy this stuff.	Well then who can?
+Well then who can?	Ah, sir, you know, it's not for me to say.
+Ah, sir, you know, it's not for me to say.	What do you mean? Who can buy this kind of equipment.
+What do you mean? Who can buy this kind of equipment.	The thing is, Senator, and I don't want to get in the middle of nothing, but--
+The thing is, Senator, and I don't want to get in the middle of nothing, but--	What are you saying?
+What are you saying?	Most of this stuff's only available to law enforcement.
+Most of this stuff's only available to law enforcement.	Law enforcement?
+Law enforcement?	FBI, CIA, NSA, local cops.
+FBI, CIA, NSA, local cops.	Are you sure about this?
+I yanked this off your RV. It's a Global Positioning Tracker.	Oh my God.
+Oh my God.	Tracks your location to the inch and works directly with--you know...
+Tracks your location to the inch and works directly with--you know...	With what?
+With what?	With spy satellites. I don't like saying these things Senator...
+With spy satellites. I don't like saying these things Senator...	Neil, thank you for your help.
+Neil, thank you for your help.	Anytime.
+Hi, Mr. Dean.	Hello. Hello, Maria.
+Is it okay?	You got any money?
+Hey, Mr. D., what's happenin'?	Dylan, I was just asking Eric if--
+Dylan, I was just asking Eric if--	Oh, God, I knew it was stupid, I knew we'd get caught. But the Gameboy was just sitting there. Right on top of the bag. Yes. Yes. We took the GameBoy out of the bag, but with every intention of putting it back.
+Oh, God, I knew it was stupid, I knew we'd get caught. But the Gameboy was just sitting there. Right on top of the bag. Yes. Yes. We took the GameBoy out of the bag, but with every intention of putting it back.	You're a tough nut to crack, Dylan.
+Do you see anything you like?	I'm married.
+I'm married.	That's fine.
+That's fine.	I'm married to my wife...of several years...and I'd like to buy...as a Christmas present...
+I'm married to my wife...of several years...and I'd like to buy...as a Christmas present...	You'd like to buy your wife some lingerie as a Christmas gift.
+You'd like to buy your wife some lingerie as a Christmas gift.	Yes. I have her permission.
+Yes. I have her permission.	It's okay. I think it's a wonderful gift.
+It's okay. I think it's a wonderful gift.	Can you help me?
+Can you help me?	How 'bout Christian Dior?
+How 'bout Christian Dior?	Is that good?
+Is that good?	Very good.
+Very good.	I don't know anything about this. Well, I mean, I know a little about--from a certain perspective. My point is, I don't want to do anything foolish.
+I don't know anything about this. Well, I mean, I know a little about--from a certain perspective. My point is, I don't want to do anything foolish.	It's a little late for that.
+It's a little late for that.	I'll say.
+I'll say.	What size?
+What size?	Pardon?
+Pardon?	What size?
+What size?	Eight.  Size eight.
+Eight.  Size eight.	I'll be right back.
+I'll be right back.	Thanks.
+Thanks.	Remain calm.
+Remain calm.	Okay.
+I think she'll like this very much.	Listen, Daniel, hang on one second.
+Listen, Daniel, hang on one second.	For that matter, I think you will too.
+For that matter, I think you will too.	Could you give me just a moment to talk to a friend of mine here? Not about this, but...Daniel?
+I know, but--	Wildlife footage, for God's sake. I don't see how he could've slipped you something that the FBI would be interested in.
+Wildlife footage, for God's sake. I don't see how he could've slipped you something that the FBI would be interested in.	That's my point.
+That's my point.	What's your point.
+What's your point.	Well, I need to find out as much about Daniel as possible.
+Well, I need to find out as much about Daniel as possible.	Why?
+Why?	Because my life is being ruined.
+Because my life is being ruined.	Daniel's life is already ruined. Maybe if you guys stopped thinking about yourselves for a change and--
+Yes?	I didn't want to bother you during your racquetball game.
+I didn't want to bother you during your racquetball game.	Thanks.  Who are you?
+I'm sorry. Detective Morelos.	Hey, did you guys find my stuff?
+Hey, did you guys find my stuff?	Your stuff?
+Your stuff?	The robbery.
+The robbery.	No, sir, I'm not involved with that. I'm doing a quick follow-up on a bus accident took place a few nights ago. Your name keeps coming up.
+No, sir, I'm not involved with that. I'm doing a quick follow-up on a bus accident took place a few nights ago. Your name keeps coming up.	Oh...yeah, I didn't see the accident.
+Oh...yeah, I didn't see the accident.	Witnesses said you were there, but I notice you didn't file a report.
+Witnesses said you were there, but I notice you didn't file a report.	A report?
+A report?	A police report.
+A police report.	That's 'cause I wasn't there.
+That's 'cause I wasn't there.	You weren't at Harrison's Department Store the night before--
+You weren't at Harrison's Department Store the night before--	I was in the store, the accident was outside. It was a bus.
+I was in the store, the accident was outside. It was a bus.	Someone said you spoke to Mr. Zavitz before he died. I thought you might know something.
+Someone said you spoke to Mr. Zavitz before he died. I thought you might know something.	About what?
+About what?	About the accident.
+About the accident.	I'm no expert, but I'm assuming that the impact of a moving bus against his body caused--
+I'm no expert, but I'm assuming that the impact of a moving bus against his body caused--	Mr. Zavitz was in trouble.
+Mr. Zavitz was in trouble.	What kind of trouble.
+What kind of trouble.	You tell me.
+You tell me.	I can't.
+I can't.	Are you invoking attorney/client privilege.
+Are you invoking attorney/client privilege.	I'm not his attorney.
+I'm not his attorney.	Than why can't you tell me.
+Than why can't you tell me.	Because I don't know.
+Because I don't know.	I'm just trying to determine if Mr. Zavitz was involved in something more than a simple bus accident.
+I'm just trying to determine if Mr. Zavitz was involved in something more than a simple bus accident.	Than why don't you talk to the bus driver?
+Than why don't you talk to the bus driver?	Why so edgy, Mr. Dean?
+Why so edgy, Mr. Dean?	Somebody took my blender.
+Somebody took my blender.	We'd appreciate your cooperation.
+We'd appreciate your cooperation.	I'm happy to help you all I can. But I didn't see the accident and I barely knew Daniel Zavitz. I've gotta go to work.
+Did he give you anything?	No.
+No.	Anything at all?
+Anything at all?	No, sir.
+No, sir.	Was he with anyone?
+Was he with anyone?	Not that I could see.
+Not that I could see.	Nobody gave you anything?
+Nobody gave you anything?	No.
+No.	Why'd you go to Harrison's?
+Why'd you go to Harrison's?	To buy lingerie.
+To buy lingerie.	For your wife?
+For your wife?	Yes, for my wife, what the hell kinds of questions are these.
+Yes, for my wife, what the hell kinds of questions are these.	I thought maybe it might be for Rachel Banks.
+I don't know what's goin' on with Zavitz, but that was way, way outa line.  You understand?	Yes sir.
+Hey.	This guy's a fat-assed Rotarian gasbag.
+This guy's a fat-assed Rotarian gasbag.	Uh-oh.
+Uh-oh.	Listen to him.
+Bobby!	Not a very good one, but--
+Not a very good one, but--	So you tap everyone's phone? You use computers to probe financial records? New Search and Seizure laws?
+So you tap everyone's phone? You use computers to probe financial records? New Search and Seizure laws?	Just for the criminals.
+Just for the criminals.	We won't suspend the civil rights of the good people.
+We won't suspend the civil rights of the good people.	Right.
+Right.	You should take this seriously.
+You should take this seriously.	I think you're taking it seriously enough for both of us.
+You're a lawyer. Don't you care what's going on around you?	Something bad happened tonight.
+Something bad happened tonight.	What?
+What?	I saw a man die.
+I saw a man die.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	In front of Harrison's, he got hit by a bus. I knew him. The firm did some pro bono work for his organization a few years back.
+In front of Harrison's, he got hit by a bus. I knew him. The firm did some pro bono work for his organization a few years back.	I'm sorry.
+I'm sorry.	The thing is, when I saw him, it seemed like he wanted to tell me...  ...he was upset about something and he said...  Doesn't matter now.  I'm gonna wash up.
+The thing is, when I saw him, it seemed like he wanted to tell me...  ...he was upset about something and he said...  Doesn't matter now.  I'm gonna wash up.	What'd you buy at Harrison's?
+What'd you buy at Harrison's?	A toaster. And no terrorist talk at dinner. You're spookin' the kids.
+Bobby?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	How'd you get the information on DePinto?
+How'd you get the information on DePinto?	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	Who did you work with to get the--
+Who did you work with to get the--	A guy named Brill. Same guy as always.
+A guy named Brill. Same guy as always.	Yeah, but you said you've never met him. How did you--
+Yeah, but you said you've never met him. How did you--	Honey, I don't like to talk about this stuff in front of Eric.
+Honey, I don't like to talk about this stuff in front of Eric.	Have you been working with Rachel?
+Have you been working with Rachel?	No.
+No.	Sorry.
+Sorry.	It's okay.
+I don't understand why Jerry couldn't clear this up.	Well, you know--
+Well, you know--	He's got his priorities?
+He's got his priorities?	There's just, clearly, some administrative snafu. I'm sure this is the worst of it.
+Stacy?	How could you let me find out like this?
+How could you let me find out like this?	Stacy, I found out like this. This is the first I'm hearing of--
+Stacy, I found out like this. This is the first I'm hearing of--	Robert--
+Robert--	It's not true.
+It's not true.	"""Sources revealed an FBI investigation into a possible money laundering scheme that may have sent millions of dollars--"
+"""Sources revealed an FBI investigation into a possible money laundering scheme that may have sent millions of dollars--"	I've seen it.
+I've seen it.	"""At the center of the investigation are well-known Washington-area attorneys Robert Dean and Rachel Banks."""
+"""At the center of the investigation are well-known Washington-area attorneys Robert Dean and Rachel Banks."""	Yeah...look--
+You swore!	I have lunch with Rachel once a month. She's my connection to an investigator.
+I have lunch with Rachel once a month. She's my connection to an investigator.	I told you I didn't want you seeing her.
+I told you I didn't want you seeing her.	I know.
+I know.	You had an affair with this woman, Robert, we went to a fucking counselor for a year.
+You had an affair with this woman, Robert, we went to a fucking counselor for a year.	I see her for business.
+I see her for business.	You told me you weren't seeing her at all.
+You told me you weren't seeing her at all.	I didn't want you to be upset. I shouldn't have lied. Stacy, there's nothing between me and Rachel Banks.
+The date stamp on the picture is last month. Is that where you and Rachel conduct business.	It's not real...  That's not me.
+It's not real...  That's not me.	Oh, please--
+Oh, please--	It's not a real picture, Stacy, it's been doctored-up.
+It's not a real picture, Stacy, it's been doctored-up.	I think you should leave now, Robert.
+I think you should leave now, Robert.	Stacy--
+Stacy--	Leave this house.
+Stacy, don't hang up.	Do you know what I'm looking at Robert?
+Do you know what I'm looking at Robert?	Stacy--
+Stacy--	I'm looking at a picture of you and Rachel taken yesterday.
+I'm looking at a picture of you and Rachel taken yesterday.	I know, but listen--
+I know, but listen--	Was that doctored-up, too?
+Was that doctored-up, too?	No, I was with her yesterday. I want you to take Eric and go to our parents house. I want you to do it right now.
+No, I was with her yesterday. I want you to take Eric and go to our parents house. I want you to do it right now.	I went to the grocery store. My ATM and credit cards didn't work. I couldn't buy food.
+I went to the grocery store. My ATM and credit cards didn't work. I couldn't buy food.	I know.
+I know.	I went to the bank to see why. They said you emptied our accounts--
+I went to the bank to see why. They said you emptied our accounts--	It wasn't me.
+It wasn't me.	This is science-fiction Robert! The manager showed me the transfer notice with your signature on it.
+This is science-fiction Robert! The manager showed me the transfer notice with your signature on it.	Stacy, somebody's trying to kill me. Now goddamit--
+Stacy, somebody's trying to kill me. Now goddamit--	My father's put me in touch with an attorney. He'll be--
+Is Eric in school?	Yes.
+Yes.	Has anyone been by? Police? FBI?
+Has anyone been by? Police? FBI?	Just reporters.
+Just reporters.	I wish you'd gone to your parents like I asked you.
+I wish you'd gone to your parents like I asked you.	This is my house. Nobody's kicking me out of my house. I picked those drapes.
+This is my house. Nobody's kicking me out of my house. I picked those drapes.	I don't think anybody wants the drapes, Stacy, I think the drapes are okay.
+I don't think anybody wants the drapes, Stacy, I think the drapes are okay.	What happened to your head?
+What happened to your head?	I was in a car chase and a small explosion. Now listen to me: The NSA is behind this. They think that guy I told you about, Daniel Zavitz, they think Zavitz gave me a tape or computer chip of some kind that could be damaging to them. So they're doing all these things electronically. The bank records, the surveillance. They're the ones who broke into the house. Now I know there's no reason to believe me. But I love you. And I love our son. So just believe me anyway.  Please.
+Does that hurt?	Well...yeah.
+Well...yeah.	Good.
+Good.	Stacy--
+I told you they could do this. I told you they had this kind of capability and that with this anti- terrorism it would be just another--	Stacy...Stacy...maybe now isn't the best time for the I-Told-You-So speech.
+I'm sorry I didn't believe you.	That's okay.
+That's okay.	I opened the present you got me from Harrison's.
+I opened the present you got me from Harrison's.	You opened the thing?
+You opened the thing?	The lingerie.
+The lingerie.	That was for Christmas.
+That was for Christmas.	I was missing you.
+I was missing you.	You're as bad as Eric. I've got an entire family of people who root through--
+...who root through...uh...presents, and...	What is it?
+What is it?	Oh Christ.
+Are you sure you're safe?	Yeah.
+They're saying you killed that policeman.	That's gonna end tonight.
+Is it over?	It's over.
+It's really over?	Albert's gonna get me my job back.
+Albert's gonna get me my job back.	I'm sorry about Rachel.
+I'm sorry about Rachel.	Yeah.  I wish you could've met...
+Yeah.  I wish you could've met...	Who?
+Who?	A friend of mine. I don't know his real name. He's dead now.
+A friend of mine. I don't know his real name. He's dead now.	You did good.
+I'm sorry, sir, this card's been declined.	It's a brand new card.
+It's a brand new card.	Maybe it's not connected yet.
+Maybe it's not connected yet.	Here, you can use this.
+My suitcase--	Sir?
+Sir?	My suitcase is gone.
+I'm sure we can locate it for you, sir.	Don't count on it.
+What can I do for you?	Well, I was hoping you might stop by my office to swear out a criminal deposition against some of your friends and co-workers.
+Well, I was hoping you might stop by my office to swear out a criminal deposition against some of your friends and co-workers.	Is this a fuckin' joke?
+Is this a fuckin' joke?	I don't believe it is, no.
+I don't believe it is, no.	Why the hell would I--
+Why the hell would I--	I've got photographs of you at the Trenton Ramada looking very--
+I've got photographs of you at the Trenton Ramada looking very--	That ain't me.
+That ain't me.	It's not?
+It's not?	You don't know who the fuck--
+You don't know who the fuck--	That's not you having a whiskey sour with Carmine Morada.
+That's not you having a whiskey sour with Carmine Morada.	This is fucked. You don't know who's in that--
+This is fucked. You don't know who's in that--	You're right, Mr. DePinto, and maybe I jumped the gun.
+You're right, Mr. DePinto, and maybe I jumped the gun.	You're goddam right you jumped the gun.
+You're goddam right you jumped the gun.	That's probably not you in the picture. I tell you what, I'll just run the thing by the Grand Jury, see if they can't--
+That's probably not you in the picture. I tell you what, I'll just run the thing by the Grand Jury, see if they can't--	I want to talk to a goddam lawyer.
+I want to talk to a goddam lawyer.	Good news there, Mr. DePinto, you're talking to one.
+I'm sorry. I'm not sure I understand. You wanna fuckin' what?	I'd like to speak to someone about what's happening to me.
+Actually, that's not true.	You didn't squeeze DePinto?
+You didn't squeeze DePinto?	No, I meant I'm Presbyterian.
+No, I meant I'm Presbyterian.	Oh.
+Oh.	My wife's Jewish. But that probably doesn't matter right now.
+And then what?	I'll see if I can, you know, work things out.
+How's the trout?	It tastes like fish.
+It tastes like fish.	It is fish.
+It is fish.	I mean it tastes like every other fish I've ever had. Every fish tastes the same.
+I mean it tastes like every other fish I've ever had. Every fish tastes the same.	Do you like fish?
+Do you like fish?	Not that much.
+Here's what you asked for. Brill's note said it was everything you'd need to, shall we say, coax DePinto--	When do I get to meet him?
+When do I get to meet him?	DePinto?
+DePinto?	Brill.
+Brill.	Never.
+Never.	That wasn't the answer I was hoping for.
+That wasn't the answer I was hoping for.	What answer were you--
+"""Soon"". Or at least sooner than never."	It's how he works.
+It's how he works.	Brill?
+Brill?	Yes.
+Yes.	So you've said.
+Ten thousand cash. I don't know if it's Brill's prices going up or your commission.	I take a straight 15 percent. Brill's fee varies with risk. Perhaps you'd be more comfortable using someone else.
+I take a straight 15 percent. Brill's fee varies with risk. Perhaps you'd be more comfortable using someone else.	Other than Brill.
+Other than Brill.	Other than me.
+Other than me.	Why would I--
+Why would I--	Someone with whom you don't have quite so personal a--
+Someone with whom you don't have quite so personal a--	I like our history. And I like you. I'd probably like Brill if I ever got to--
+I like our history. And I like you. I'd probably like Brill if I ever got to--	He doesn't work that way.
+He doesn't work that way.	I just want to make sure I'm not breaking the law.
+I just want to make sure I'm not breaking the law.	You're not.
+You're not.	How can I be sure.
+How can I be sure.	I wouldn't let you. Good luck with DePinto.
+I wouldn't let you. Good luck with DePinto.	Thank you.
+Thank you.	Eat your fish.
+Eat your fish.	Mr. DePinto? My name's Robert Dean. I'm an attorney with Seth, Silverberg.
+I got a call from my firm this morning saying don't come in.	Why?
+Why?	There are reporters wanting to know about my relationship with you and how long I've worked for the mob. The mob, Bobby!
+There are reporters wanting to know about my relationship with you and how long I've worked for the mob. The mob, Bobby!	All right, look--
+Good. You're just what I need right now.	You got a minute?
+You got a minute?	It's really not a good idea for me to be seen with you.
+It's really not a good idea for me to be seen with you.	Who's doing this?
+Who's doing this?	I gotta go.
+I gotta go.	Will you hang on just a second.
+I know.	The IRS contacted me this morning. They say my lifestyle and receipts exceed my income.
+The IRS contacted me this morning. They say my lifestyle and receipts exceed my income.	You being audited?
+You being audited?	For the last four years.
+For the last four years.	My firm'll represent you. Free of charge.
+My firm'll represent you. Free of charge.	You don't work there anymore, Bobby.
+You don't work there anymore, Bobby.	That's temporary.
+That's temporary.	Bullshit.
+Bullshit.	Rachel--
+Rachel--	We're screwed.
+We're screwed.	I'm gonna fix it.
+I'm gonna fix it.	How?
+How?	Tell me about Brill.
+I can't.	You have to.
+You have to.	I've never met him?
+I've never met him?	Goddammit, Rachel, you assured me--
+Fuck you. When you needed information, I got it. You didn't care how.	I did care how.
+I did care how.	This conversation's over.
+This conversation's over.	What're you gonna do, Rachel? You gonna sit in a bar in Baltimore? You want your job back? You want a life?
+What're you gonna do, Rachel? You gonna sit in a bar in Baltimore? You want your job back? You want a life?	I don't have a life, Bobby. I'm in love with a married man.
+I don't have a life, Bobby. I'm in love with a married man.	I'm sorry about that.
+I'm sorry about that.	What makes you think it's you?
+What makes you think it's you?	It's not me?
+It's not me?	You're a moron, you know that?
+You're a moron, you know that?	Yeah.
+Any idea what he looks like?	My guess is male, somewhere in his 40's or 50's.
+Yeah?	We'd like to ask you some questions about Daniel Zavitz.
+We'd like to ask you some questions about Daniel Zavitz.	Who are you people?
+Who are you people?	I'm an investigator with Pro-Tech Security.
+I'm an investigator with Pro-Tech Security.	I went through this with an investigator this morning. If I could--
+I went through this with an investigator this morning. If I could--	Mr. Zavitz was involved in an extortion scheme. We believe he passed you sensitive materials, possibly with your knowledge, and we need to--
+Mr. Zavitz was involved in an extortion scheme. We believe he passed you sensitive materials, possibly with your knowledge, and we need to--	He didn't.
+He didn't.	We believe he did.
+We believe he did.	You're wrong.
+You're wrong.	We have good reason to believe that he passed you--
+We have good reason to believe that he passed you--	If he passed me materials, I'd have them. I don't.
+If he passed me materials, I'd have them. I don't.	We'd like to recover any materials Mr. Zavitz may have given you--
+We'd like to recover any materials Mr. Zavitz may have given you--	He didn't give me--
+He didn't give me--	--otherwise we may have to--
+--otherwise we may have to--	Otherwise you may have to what?
+Otherwise you may have to what?	We'd rather not--
+We'd rather not--	Fuck you. You may have to what?
+He didn't give me--	--otherwise we may have to--
+--otherwise we may have to--	Otherwise you may have to what?
+Otherwise you may have to what?	We'd rather not--
+We'd rather not--	Fuck you. You may have to--
+Jesus! What?! You want money?!	Shut the fuck up.
+Your shoe.	My shoe?
+My shoe?	Gimme the shoe.
+Hey!	Forget me, forget what I did for you. Don't ever mention my name or try to contact me again. Get it?
+Forget me, forget what I did for you. Don't ever mention my name or try to contact me again. Get it?	I don't know you, I don't know your name, I don't know what the hell you did for me except hang up on my wife and slam me into a wall, but I'm getting pretty fuckin' sick of this! Get it?!
+I don't know you, I don't know your name, I don't know what the hell you did for me except hang up on my wife and slam me into a wall, but I'm getting pretty fuckin' sick of this! Get it?!	Seat 74.
+Seat 74.	You're Brill.
+God knows I would, sir, but I have a previous engagement this evening.	And may I ask what could possibly be more important than Fawell Oil v. U.S. Environmental Agency?
+And may I ask what could possibly be more important than Fawell Oil v. U.S. Environmental Agency?	I have to go lingerie shopping.
+Diane, maybe you didn't hear Mr. Silverberg. They've got models that'll try on the garments.  Thank you, sir.	Merry Christmas, son.
+Listen--	I got a call this morning from a source I trust. The Post is running a lead this afternoon about your involvement in the Bellmoth investigation.
+I got a call this morning from a source I trust. The Post is running a lead this afternoon about your involvement in the Bellmoth investigation.	I don't under--
+They claim you helped create a shell company for Sam Vollotti in Zurich and that through your continuing relationship, the Gambino family's been able to exert influence and provide false witnesses to discredit our case.	Oh, well, that's true.
+Robert--	Gimme a week and four guys from litigation and I'll have the Post pleading with us not to sue for libel.
+What's his name?	Brill.
+Gentlemen--	This is bullshit. Someone's mixing up a bunch of half-truths to ruin me and to ruin my case.
+This is bullshit. Someone's mixing up a bunch of half-truths to ruin me and to ruin my case.	Who would do that?
+Who would do that?	Maybe Bellmoth. Maybe the unions. I don't know.
+Maybe Bellmoth. Maybe the unions. I don't know.	Well until we find, you're gonna have to take a leave of absence.
+Well until we find, you're gonna have to take a leave of absence.	You're firing me.
+You're firing me.	A leave of absence. Until we've sorted this all out.
+A leave of absence. Until we've sorted this all out.	Put David on it. He seems anxious to clear my name.
+Put David on it. He seems anxious to clear my name.	Bobby--
+Bobby--	Fuck off.
+Well that's why I'm here, Mr. Dean. 'Cause you're a labor lawyer.	Good point.
+Good point.	Last night, Larry Spinks, he works the Steel Press, he goes to a bar with his wife Rosalie to have a glass of chianti 'cause it's his birthday, and these two guys, these Guido mother-fuckers, they jump him when he goes to the bathroom.
+Last night, Larry Spinks, he works the Steel Press, he goes to a bar with his wife Rosalie to have a glass of chianti 'cause it's his birthday, and these two guys, these Guido mother-fuckers, they jump him when he goes to the bathroom.	L.T., in this office I'd prefer you say Italian-Americans.
+L.T., in this office I'd prefer you say Italian-Americans.	I'm sorry, Mr. Dean. But Larry's in St. Lukes now, so I'm a little--I'm not myself. The Union bosses say unless we take Bellmoth's offer, it'll only get worse.
+I'm sorry, Mr. Dean. But Larry's in St. Lukes now, so I'm a little--I'm not myself. The Union bosses say unless we take Bellmoth's offer, it'll only get worse.	That's because your Union bosses are those Guido mother-fuckers.
+That's because your Union bosses are those Guido mother-fuckers.	I don't under--
+I don't under--	The Union's trying to railroad you into accepting terms worse than what you have now.
+The Union's trying to railroad you into accepting terms worse than what you have now.	Why would the Union--
+Because they've been paid off by Bellmoth.	Mr. Dean--
+Mr. Dean--	My name's Bobby. I'm your lawyer. Don't do anything 'till I talk to you.
+Robert--	Where's Stacy?
+Where's Stacy?	She doesn't want to talk to you.
+She doesn't want to talk to you.	What are you talking--
+What are you talking--	She can't talk to you right now.
+She can't talk to you right now.	Why?
+Why?	Because she's reading the newspaper, you asshole.
+Excuse me, have any of you seen an eight year old boy, good looking, about yea-big.	Hi, dad.
+You're learning a cruel lesson.	Are those my Christmas presents?
+Are those my Christmas presents?	Some of 'em.
+Some of 'em.	Can I open 'em up?
+Can I open 'em up?	Sure, go ahead.
+Sure, go ahead.	Really?
+Really?	In your dreams.
+In your dreams.	Dad!
+Dad!	You staying for dinner?
+He's kidding.	Where's mom?
+Where's mom?	She's in the kitchen.
+Dad!	Do I know you?
+Do I know you?	Where've you been?
+Where've you been?	Having an adventure. I can't tell you about it right now, but I'll tell you about it soon.
+Having an adventure. I can't tell you about it right now, but I'll tell you about it soon.	Are you and mom getting a divorce?
+Are you and mom getting a divorce?	No. We're never getting a divorce. We were having a fight. It happens sometimes.
+No. We're never getting a divorce. We were having a fight. It happens sometimes.	Who won the fight?
+Who won the fight?	Men don't win fights with women, son, I'll tell you about that sometime, too. In the meantime, I've got a question for you, and it's incredibly important that you tell me the truth. Under no circumstances will I be angry with you. This is a total Get-Out-Of- Jail-Free card. Ready?
+Men don't win fights with women, son, I'll tell you about that sometime, too. In the meantime, I've got a question for you, and it's incredibly important that you tell me the truth. Under no circumstances will I be angry with you. This is a total Get-Out-Of- Jail-Free card. Ready?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Did you take anything--anything at all--out of those Christmas bags I brought home last week.
+How long can you stay?	I'm not goin' anywhere, Eric. I live here.
+It's okay to use the phone.	Alright!
+Alright!	"No ""900"" numbers."
+They took the espresso machine. The espresso machine, Jerry! Which makes sense, you know, because the crooks probably wanted to make themselves a latte before fencing the stereo.	Did they take your clothes?
+Did they take your clothes?	No.
+No.	You've got a bunch of Armani suits, they didn't take 'em?
+You've got a bunch of Armani suits, they didn't take 'em?	No.
+No.	Usually they take clothes.
+Usually they take clothes.	Why don't you give 'em a call.
+Why don't you give 'em a call.	What about jewelry?
+What about jewelry?	They didn't take the jewelry. They took the computers. They took the big-screen TV, they took my blender.
+They didn't take the jewelry. They took the computers. They took the big-screen TV, they took my blender.	The blender?
+The blender?	I love my blender.
+I love my blender.	They didn't take the silverware?
+They didn't take the silverware?	No, but they took my blender.
+No, but they took my blender.	Sounds like they didn't want anything that wasn't electric?
+Sounds like they didn't want anything that wasn't electric?	What?
+What?	They only took electrical appliances.
+They only took electrical appliances.	Serve the ball.
+Can I talk to you a second?	Table 122?
+Table 122?	That's what I want to talk to you about?
+That's what I want to talk to you about?	I wrote a check for a thousand dollars. You guys didn't have a table that was in the kitchen?
+The Congressman's very happy to have your support, but he's heard that there's an investigation.	An investigation? It was a bus accident.
+An investigation? It was a bus accident.	He's heard that it's escalated.
+He's heard that it's escalated.	Into what?
+Into what?	Your Bellmoth case. The FBI thinks there might be mob ties.
+Your Bellmoth case. The FBI thinks there might be mob ties.	I'm a labor lawyer. There are always mob ties.
+I'm a labor lawyer. There are always mob ties.	Just be cool.
+Jerry--	Christ!
+Christ!	Ssh!
+Ssh!	Bobby--
+Bobby--	It's the NSA. They're the ones doing this.
+It's the NSA. They're the ones doing this.	Bobby--
+Bobby--	The NSA's doing this 'cause they think I have something. And they killed--
+The NSA's doing this 'cause they think I have something. And they killed--	Calm down.
+Calm down.	They killed Rachel.
+They killed Rachel.	Rachel's dead?
+Rachel's dead?	Yes.
+Yes.	Jesus.
+Jesus.	My stuff's all over her apartment.
+My stuff's all over her apartment.	Bobby--
+Bobby--	They're framing me.
+They're framing me.	Why would they--
+Why would they--	I don't know. I mean--
+I don't know. I mean--	Why would the NSA--
+Why would the NSA--	I don't know!
+I don't know!	You're tired.
+You're tired.	Jerry--
+Jerry--	Listen to me.
+Listen to me.	You gotta--
+You gotta--	No, listen to me. You gotta let me bring you in.
+No, listen to me. You gotta let me bring you in.	No, I--
+No, I--	You gotta let me bring you in to the police.
+You gotta let me bring you in to the police.	I won't make it to the police. They won't let me get there. You go.
+I won't make it to the police. They won't let me get there. You go.	To the cops?
+To the cops?	To the NSA. Make a deal. Tell 'em to stop. Tell 'em I don't have what they're after. Make a deal.
+To the NSA. Make a deal. Tell 'em to stop. Tell 'em I don't have what they're after. Make a deal.	Bobby, you're in way over your head.
+Bobby, you're in way over your head.	Go to 'em, Jerry.
+Go to 'em, Jerry.	I have a family.
+I have a family.	So do I!
+I'm sorry, man.	No. No, it's okay.
+Bobby? Piece of advice?	Yeah?
+Yeah?	Turn yourself in.
+Turn yourself in.	Jerry?
+Jerry?	Yeah?
+Yeah?	Go fuck yourself.
+It's me, Robert Dean.  From Seth, Silverberg. I worked on--	Bobby--
+Bobby--	It's been a few years.
+It's been a few years.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	I'm just doing some Christmas shopping. It's for my wife, no kidding. Though, this isn't the main present, it's just, you know, a little--
+I'm just doing some Christmas shopping. It's for my wife, no kidding. Though, this isn't the main present, it's just, you know, a little--	I need help.
+I need help.	Tell me about it.
+Tell me about it.	How can I reach you?
+How can I reach you?	Are you okay?
+Are you okay?	Are you still in Crystal City?
+Are you still in Crystal City?	Yeah, what's going on?
+Dick Burns got a phone call this morning from someone wanting information on you.	The police?
+The police?	No. He said they were doing a credit check. Are you refinancing a loan?
+No. He said they were doing a credit check. Are you refinancing a loan?	You remember Daniel Zavitz?
+You remember Daniel Zavitz?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	He got hit by a bus.
+He got hit by a bus.	What does that have to do with you?
+What does that have to do with you?	I honestly don't know.
+Was Zavitz in trouble?	I don't know.
+You think there was a connection to--	Jesus! I just told you. I don't know.
+What is it you want?	Someone's trying to destroy my life, and I'd like to find out who.
+Well we'd sure like to help you.	You would?
+You would?	Yes. But we can't.
+Yes. But we can't.	Why not?
+Why not?	Because we, and our associates, have paid out hundreds of thousands of dollars to shyster lawyers like you, because of shyster lawyers like you, and we'd just as soon sit back and sip a beer while you get ass-banged by as many people as possible.
+What's your opinion?	It's hard to say for certain, these things are--
+It's hard to say for certain, these things are--	I'm not asking you to say for certain. This is what you're trained to do, right?
+I'm not asking you to say for certain. This is what you're trained to do, right?	Yes sir.
+Yes sir.	Then what's your goddam opinion?
+Then what's your goddam opinion?	Zavitz had digital compression equipment. He could've downloaded into something. A disk, a chip, anything small enough to put in his pocket and run with. Whatever he put it in, he dropped it in that bag.
+Zavitz had digital compression equipment. He could've downloaded into something. A disk, a chip, anything small enough to put in his pocket and run with. Whatever he put it in, he dropped it in that bag.	Get it.
+"""I know thy works and thy labour and how thou canst not bear them that are evil. And thou hast tried them who say they are apostles and hast found them to be liars"". Revelations II."	What the hell does it mean?
+What the hell does it mean?	It means who's side are you on?
+It means who's side are you on?	You didn't ask me to meet you 30 miles from my office for a Bible study class.
+You didn't ask me to meet you 30 miles from my office for a Bible study class.	It's a bi-partisan issue. Everyone needs to swallow hard. No one, including you, wants to be fingered as the one obstructing efforts to crack down on terrorism, and--
+It's a bi-partisan issue. Everyone needs to swallow hard. No one, including you, wants to be fingered as the one obstructing efforts to crack down on terrorism, and--	Fuck you.
+Fuck you.	What?
+What?	I said fuck you.
+I said fuck you.	Is that anyway to talk to an old school chum?
+Is that anyway to talk to an old school chum?	You're gonna finger me as soft on terrorism? Terrorism, you unconscionable asshole?
+You're gonna finger me as soft on terrorism? Terrorism, you unconscionable asshole?	There are planes falling out of the sky, buildings blowing up. American buildings. Americans getting bombs in the mail. What are we gonna do!?
+There are planes falling out of the sky, buildings blowing up. American buildings. Americans getting bombs in the mail. What are we gonna do!?	We're not gonna hand you and your band of lunatics the keys to the kingdom. I'm not gonna sit in Congress and write a law that allows the NSA to point a camera and a microphone at anything they damn well feel like. And the next time you have something to say to me, we do it above-board, in my office, like everyone else. Now get outa my car, I've got a committee meeting on the hill.
+What happened?	He's dead. An accident. Hit by a bus.
+He's dead. An accident. Hit by a bus.	What about the tapes?
+What about the tapes?	We found the originals.
+We found the originals.	The originals?
+The originals?	There was a transfer.
+There was a transfer.	Am I to understand--
+Am I to understand--	He never made it to the newspaper, but there was private sector contact.
+He never made it to the newspaper, but there was private sector contact.	Who?
+Who?	Several indiscriminates and one primary who we've ID'd as Robert Dean. A Crystal City attorney.  Mr. Reynolds?  Sir?
+Several indiscriminates and one primary who we've ID'd as Robert Dean. A Crystal City attorney.  Mr. Reynolds?  Sir?	Contact COINTEL. Profile. Assess the threat. Then cross-check against Zavitz. Red-flag the intersects and anything we can exploit. Also NRO. Pull up the keyhole tapes. I need to own him. I need to own him now.
+We'd have to--	Get it.
+He's arrogant and threatening. Voice stress points suggest he's worrying.	Hiding something?
+Hiding something?	It was in his bag. Now it's not.
+It was in his bag. Now it's not.	Destroy his credibility before he goes public. Neutralize him. I don't want anyone listening to a word he has to say. Tell me about Rachel Banks.
+30 minutes ago you said we had him. What in hell's goin' on out there?	He had help.
+He had help.	Help from whom?  Christ.
+I sit on top of the greatest intelligence gathering organization in human history. Why can't I bring in a man whose name is in the fucking phonebook?!	He's clever. He had help.
+He's clever. He had help.	He's clever? He had help?  Oh.
+He's clever? He had help?  Oh.	Sir--
+Sir--	No, no, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were hoping to be transferred to a weathership outside Greenland.
+No, no, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were hoping to be transferred to a weathership outside Greenland.	I just meant--
+I just meant--	I don't care if he's Solomon with Saint Joseph sitting in his lap. I want the tape and I want him. Now is--
+We found two sets of latent prints in the rubble of Brill's studio. One was Dean's. The other, we believe, belongs to Brill.	We believe?
+We believe?	Well...his real name's Edward Lyle.
+Well...his real name's Edward Lyle.	Lyle?!
+Lyle?!	Yes sir.
+Yes sir.	You're kidding me.
+You're kidding me.	No sir.
+No sir.	Dean's with Lyle.
+Dean's with Lyle.	And they have the video. That's confirmed.
+And they have the video. That's confirmed.	So they know everything.
+So they know everything.	If they've looked at the video.
+If they've looked at the video.	Oh, let's assume that they have.
+Oh, let's assume that they have.	If he's with Lyle it means he's got resources.
+If he's with Lyle it means he's got resources.	Resources, that's a good point. He's got resources. All we've got is a six-hundred billion dollar organization! Now goddammit, Hicks, you find 'em. You find 'em and you end it now!
+What about--	We don't know.
+We don't know.	Explain that.
+Jones had to flee the scene before we could locate the second body.	What about the tape?
+What about the tape?	We think it was on Brill. If it was, it's destroyed now.
+We think it was on Brill. If it was, it's destroyed now.	And if it wasn't?
+Found him. Kent Island nailed the call five minutes ago. He's stationary.	Do you have visual?
+Do you have visual?	"Not yet. He's near ""M"" and 34th. I've got an ELSUR unit on the scene now. A residential building. Twelve units."
+"Not yet. He's near ""M"" and 34th. I've got an ELSUR unit on the scene now. A residential building. Twelve units."	What's your ETA?
+What's your ETA?	Three minutes. We're going in light. Myself and two others. Everyone else is held back in reserve.
+Three minutes. We're going in light. Myself and two others. Everyone else is held back in reserve.	He walked right up to me in church. At the holiest time of the wear. He approached me in a sanctified place.  Kill him now.
+Yes?	Federal Express for 'Zavitz'.
+Federal Express for 'Zavitz'.	Federal Express?
+Federal Express?	For Daniel Zavitz. I just need a signature.
+For Daniel Zavitz. I just need a signature.	How'd you get in the building?
+How'd you get in the building?	The door was open, sir. I just need a signature.
+We're not stupid, Reynolds.	The fuck do you have goin' on with Sam Albert?
+The fuck do you have goin' on with Sam Albert?	This guy's carrying the flag for the damn terrorism bill. You think this is the best time to piss him off?
+This guy's carrying the flag for the damn terrorism bill. You think this is the best time to piss him off?	You have any idea what kind of position this--
+You have any idea what kind of position this--	He's carrying the damn flag.
+It was pulsing on your SAT frequencies.	I don't know what's going on, but if you people have tripped over your own asshole again, you're not gonna get any help from us. It's ending at your doorstep.
+Yes?	Puffed cheese?
+Puffed cheese?	No thank you.
+No thank you.	I also have tiny pizzas and mushrooms stuffed with--
+I also have tiny pizzas and mushrooms stuffed with--	Do I look like I want a tiny pizza?
+Do I look like I want a tiny pizza?	No.
+No.	Then let's assume I don't.
+Then let's assume I don't.	Yes sir.
+Now is that clear?	Yes sir.
+Thank you.	I wanted to meet a man who could write such a long paper with so few adjectives.
+I wanted to meet a man who could write such a long paper with so few adjectives.	A thing is still a thing no matter what you place in front of it.  Big car, slow car, chauffeur-driven car, still a car.
+Isn't Zerzura supposed to be protected by spirits who take on the shape of sandstorms?	What kind of fossils?
+I can't sing.  but I can tell a story.  I might need a prompt.  Do you have your Herodotus?  I've noticed you carry it	I'm sorry - what have you noticed?
+Daskylus	Yes, thank you, Gyges, son of Daskylus - Candaules said to him I don't think you believe me when I tell you how beautiful my wife is. And although Gyges replied he did find the Queen magnificent the King insisted he would find some way to prove beyond dispute that she was fairest of all women.  Do you all know this story?
+How much did you pay?	Hello!  Good morning.
+Hello!  Good morning.	They don't see foreign women in this market.  How much did you pay?
+They don't see foreign women in this market.  How much did you pay?	Seven pounds, eight, I suppose. Why?
+Seven pounds, eight, I suppose. Why?	Which stall?
+Which stall?	Excuse me?
+Excuse me?	You've been cheated, don't worry, we'll take it back.
+You've been cheated, don't worry, we'll take it back.	I don't want to go back.
+I don't want to go back.	This is not worth eight pounds, Mrs. Clifton.
+This is not worth eight pounds, Mrs. Clifton.	I don't care to bargain.
+I don't care to bargain.	That insults them.
+That insults them.	I don't believe that.  I think you are insulted by me, somehow. You're a foreigner too, aren't you, here, in this market?
+I don't believe that.  I think you are insulted by me, somehow. You're a foreigner too, aren't you, here, in this market?	I should be very happy to obtain the correct price for this.  I apologize if I appear abrupt.  I am rusty at social graces.  How do you find Cairo?  Did you visit the Pyramids?
+I should be very happy to obtain the correct price for this.  I apologize if I appear abrupt.  I am rusty at social graces.  How do you find Cairo?  Did you visit the Pyramids?	Excuse me.
+Why did you follow me yesterday?	Excuse me?
+Excuse me?	After the market, you followed me to the hotel.
+After the market, you followed me to the hotel.	I was concerned.  As I said, women in that part of Cairo, a European women, I felt obliged to.
+I was concerned.  As I said, women in that part of Cairo, a European women, I felt obliged to.	You felt obliged to.
+You felt obliged to.	As the wife of one of our party.
+As the wife of one of our party.	So why follow me?  Escort me, by all means.  Following me is predatory, isn't it?
+This is an incredible story - about a man hunting an Ostrich, he's been telling me about Zerzura, he thinks he's been there, but his map, the route he's describing, he couldn't survive the journey now, but he's a poet, so his map is poetry - and now we're onto an Ostrich.  I'm telling her your map is poetry. The Arab shrugs.	What do you mean, poetry?
+What do you mean, poetry?	A mountain curved like a woman's back, a plateau the shape of an ear.
+A mountain curved like a woman's back, a plateau the shape of an ear.	Sounds perfectly clear.  Where does the Ostrich come in?
+Sounds perfectly clear.  Where does the Ostrich come in?	The Ostrich is a detour.  A poor man hunts an ostrich, it's the method.  Nothing to do with Zerzura.  To catch an ostrich you must appear not to move.  The man finds a place where the ostrich feeds, a wadi, and stands where the ostrich can see him, on the horizon, and doesn't move, doesn't eat - otherwise the ostrich will run.  At nightfall, he moves, fifty, sixty yards.  When the ostrich comes the next day, the man is there, but he's nearer.  Haunting the ostrich.
+What is he saying?  Come on, what did he say?	He said - be careful.
+He said - be careful.	Be careful?  You mean you - or me? Who?
+Be careful?  You mean you - or me? Who?	Her or me?
+Actually, you sing.	Pardon?
+Pardon?	You sing.  All the time.
+You sing.  All the time.	I do not.
+I do not.	Ask Al Auf. Almásy asks Al Auf in Arabic.
+What's this?	I thought you might paste them into your book.
+I thought you might paste them into your book.	We took several photographs, there's no need.
+We took several photographs, there's no need.	I'd like you to have them.
+I'd like you to have them.	There's really no need.  This is just a scrapbook.  I should feel obliged.  Thank you.
+There's really no need.  This is just a scrapbook.  I should feel obliged.  Thank you.	And that would be unconscionable, I suppose, to feel any obligation? Yes.  Of course it would.
+You should come into the shelter.	I'm quite all right, thank you.
+I'm quite all right, thank you.	Look over there.
+What am I looking at?	See what's happening to them - the stars.
+See what's happening to them - the stars.	They're so untidy.  I'm just trying to rearrange them.
+They're so untidy.  I'm just trying to rearrange them.	In an hour there will be no stars. The air is filling with sand.
+This is not very good, is it?	No.
+No.	Shall we be all right?
+Shall we be all right?	Yes.  Absolutely.
+Yes.  Absolutely.	Yes is a comfort.  Absolutely is not.
+- there is the Harmattan, a red wind. Which Mariners called the sea of darkness.  Red sand from this wind has flown as far as the south coast of England, producing showers so dense they were mistaken for blood. Almasy checks to see if Katharine is still awake.	Fiction.  We had a house on that coast and it never rained blood. Go on.  More.
+Fiction.  We had a house on that coast and it never rained blood. Go on.  More.	All true.  Herodotus, your friend, tells of a wind - the Simoon - so evil that a nation declared war on it and marched out to fight it in full battle dress, their swords raised.
+Madox will have calculated how many miles, they'll soon turn around.	Oh my God, the others!
+Could I ask you, please, to paste you paintings into my book?  I should like to have them.  I should be honored.	Of course.  Is it, am I a terrible coward to ask how much water we have?
+Of course.  Is it, am I a terrible coward to ask how much water we have?	Water?  Yes, we have water, we have a little in our can, we have water in the radiator which can be drunk. Not at all cowardly, extremely practical.  Come on, come on!  There's also a plant - I've never seen it but I'm told you can cut a piece the size of a heart from this plant and the next day it will be filled with a delicious liquid.
+Water?  Yes, we have water, we have a little in our can, we have water in the radiator which can be drunk. Not at all cowardly, extremely practical.  Come on, come on!  There's also a plant - I've never seen it but I'm told you can cut a piece the size of a heart from this plant and the next day it will be filled with a delicious liquid.	Find that plant.  Cut out its heart.
+Geoffrey's not in Cairo.  He's not actually a buffoon.  And the plane wasn't a wedding present. It belongs to the British Government.  They want aerial maps of the whole North Africa. So I think he's in Ethiopia.  In case you were counting on his sudden appearance.	And the marriage - is that a fiction?
+And the marriage - is that a fiction?	No, the marriage isn't a fiction.
+Do they know them?	No, but I think I do.
+Will you not come in?	No.
+No.	Will you please come in?
+Will you please come in?	Mrs. Clifton - Katharine turns, disgusted.
+Mrs. Clifton - Katharine turns, disgusted.	Don't.
+Don't.	I believe you still have my book.
+I'm impressed you can sew.	Good.
+Good.	You sew very badly.
+You sew very badly.	You don't sew at all!
+You don't sew at all!	A woman should never learn to sew, and if she can she should never admit to it.  Close your eyes.
+A woman should never learn to sew, and if she can she should never admit to it.  Close your eyes.	That makes it harder still.
+When were you most happy?	Now.
+Now.	When were you least happy?
+When were you least happy?	Now.
+Now.	Okay.  And what do you love? Say everything.
+Okay.  And what do you love? Say everything.	What do I love?  I love rice pudding, and water, the fish in it, hedgehogs! The gardens at our house in Freshwater - all my secret paths.
+What else?	Marmite - addicted!  Baths - not with other people!  Islands.  Your handwriting.  I could go on all day.  My husband. Almásy nods.
+Marmite - addicted!  Baths - not with other people!  Islands.  Your handwriting.  I could go on all day.  My husband. Almásy nods.	What do you hate most?
+What do you hate most?	A lie.  What do you hate most?
+A lie.  What do you hate most?	Ownership.  Being owned.  When you leave, you should forget me.
+Say you're sick.	What?  No!
+What?  No!	Say you're feeling faint - the sun.
+Say you're feeling faint - the sun.	No.
+No.	I can't work.  I can't sleep. Lady Hampton calls impatiently.
+I can still taste you.	This is empty, just coming!
+This is empty, just coming!	I'm trying to write with your taste in my mouth.  Swoon.  I'll catch you.
+This is - what is this?	It's a folk song.
+It's a folk song.	Arabic?
+Arabic?	No, no, it's Hungarian.  My daijka sang it to me.
+No, no, it's Hungarian.  My daijka sang it to me.	It's beautiful.  What's it about?
+It's beautiful.  What's it about?	It's a long song - Szerelem means love…and the story - there's a Hungarian Count, he's a wanderer, a fool.  For years he's on some kind of quest, who knows what? And then one day he falls under the spell of a mysterious English woman - a harpy - who beats him and hits him and he becomes her slave.  He sews her clothes, he worships the hem of -
+Ouch!  See - you're always beating me..!	You bastard, I was believing you!
+This - what's it called? - this place, I love it - this is mine!  I'm asking the King permission to call it the Almasy Bosphorous.	I thought we were against ownership?  I can stay tonight.
+Madox knows, I think.  He's tried to warn me.  He keeps talking about Anna Karenina.  I think it's his idea of a man-to-man chat.  Its my idea of a man-to-man chat.	This is a different world - is what I tell myself.  A different life. And here I am a different wife.
+This is a different world - is what I tell myself.  A different life. And here I am a different wife.	Yes.  A different wife.
+I don't care to bargain.  It's full of saffron, just in case you think I'm giving it to you to encourage your sewing.	That day, had you followed me to the market?
+That day, had you followed me to the market?	Of course.  You didn't need to slap my face to make me feel as if you'd slapped my face.
+Of course.  You didn't need to slap my face to make me feel as if you'd slapped my face.	Shall we be all right?
+Shall we be all right?	Yes.  Yes.  Absolutely.
+I'd better get back.  Say goodbye here.	I'm not agreeing.  Don't think I'm agreeing, because I'm not.
+I just know - any minute he'll find out, we'll barge into somebody we'll - and it will ill him.	Don't go over it again, please.
+I just wanted you to know. I'm not missing you yet. She nods, can't find this funny.	You will.  You will.
+Why did you hold his collar?	What?
+What?	What?  What?  That boy, that little boy, you were holding his collar, gripping his collar, what for?
+What?  What?  That boy, that little boy, you were holding his collar, gripping his collar, what for?	Would you let me pass?
+Would you let me pass?	Is he next?  Do you drag him into your little room?  Where is it?  Is this it?
+Is he next?  Do you drag him into your little room?  Where is it?  Is this it?	Don't do this.
+Don't do this.	I've watched you - on verandahs, at Garden Parties, at the Races - how can you stand there?  How can you ever smile?  As if your life hadn't capsized?
+I've watched you - on verandahs, at Garden Parties, at the Races - how can you stand there?  How can you ever smile?  As if your life hadn't capsized?	You know why? He tries to hold her. She resists
+You know why? He tries to hold her. She resists	Dance with me.
+Dance with me.	No.
+No.	Dance with me.  I want to touch you. I want the things which are mine. Which belong to me.
+Dance with me.  I want to touch you. I want the things which are mine. Which belong to me.	Do you think you're the only one who feels anything?  Is that what you think?
+Katharine!  Oh dear God, Katharine - what are you doing here?	I can't move.  I can't get out.
+Why did he bring you?	A surprise, he said.
+Please don't move me.  It hurts too much.	We've got to get you out of here.
+We've got to get you out of here.	It hurts too much.
+It hurts too much.	I know, darling, I'm sorry.
+Why did you hate me?	What?
+What?	Don't you know you drove everybody mad?
+Don't you know you drove everybody mad?	Don't talk.
+Don't talk.	You speak so many bloody languages and you never want to talk.
+You're wearing the thimble.	Of course.  You idiot.  I always wear it. I've always worn it.  I've always loved you.
+It's so cold.	I know.  I'm sorry.  I'll make a fire. I'll be back.
+I know.  I'm sorry.  I'll make a fire. I'll be back.	Don't leave me!
+Don't leave me!	I'm just going to find things for the fire.
+Shall we be all right?	Yes.  Absolutely.
+Yes.  Absolutely.	Oh dear.
+Oh dear.	Listen to me, Katharine.  You've broken your ankle and I'm going to have to try and bind it.  I think your wrist might be broken, too - and some ribs, which is why it's hurting you to breathe.  I'm going to have to walk to El Taj.  Given all the traffic in the desert these days I should bump into one army or another before I reach there - or Fenelon-Barnes and his camel.  And then I'll be back and we'll be fine, and I'll never leave you.
+Do you promise?  I wouldn't want to die here.  I wouldn't want to die in the desert. I've always had a rather elaborate funeral in mind, with particular hymns.  Very English.  And I know exactly where I want to be buried.  In our garden.  Where I grew up. With a view of the sea.  So promise me you'll come back for you.	I promise I'll come back.  I promise I'll never leave you.  And there's plenty of water and food. You can have a party.
+And a good read.  Don't waste it.	Thank you.  Will you bury Geoffrey?  I know he's dead.
+Thank you.  Will you bury Geoffrey?  I know he's dead.	I'm sorry, Katharine.
+I'm sorry, Katharine.	I know.
+I know.	Every night I cut out my heart but in the morning it was full again.
+Tell me about your garden.	Our Garden, our garden - not so much the garden, but the copse alongside it, wild, a secret way plunging down to the shore and then nothing but water between you and France.  The Devil's Chimney it was called -  The Devil's Chimney, I don't know why.  Darling.  My darling.
+A broken car?	Still a car.
+Uxoriousness - that's my favorite kind of love.  Excessive love of one's wife.	There you have me.
+What kind of photographs?	Portraits.  The Brigadier, the Brigadier's wife, the Brigadier's dogs, the Brigadier at the Pyramids, the Brigadier breathing.
+Safe journey.	You too.  Good luck!
+You too.  Good luck!	Clifton - your wife - do you think it's appropriate to leave her?
+Clifton - your wife - do you think it's appropriate to leave her?	Appropriate?
+Appropriate?	I think the desert is, it's - for a woman - it's very tough, I wonder if it's not too much for her.
+I think the desert is, it's - for a woman - it's very tough, I wonder if it's not too much for her.	Are you mad?  Katharine loves it here. She told me yesterday.
+Are you mad?  Katharine loves it here. She told me yesterday.	All the same, I, were I you I would be concerned -
+All the same, I, were I you I would be concerned -	I've known Katharine since she was three, my aunt is her aunt, we were practically brother and sister before we were man and wife.  I think I'd know what is and what isn't too much for her.  I think she's know herself.
+I've known Katharine since she was three, my aunt is her aunt, we were practically brother and sister before we were man and wife.  I think I'd know what is and what isn't too much for her.  I think she's know herself.	Very well.
+Very well.	Why are you people so threatened by a woman?!
+Have you seen Katharine?	What?
+What?	It's Geoffrey under this.
+It's Geoffrey under this.	I haven't, no.  Sorry.
+Oops!  Mustn't say International. Dirty word.  Filthy word.  His Majesty! Die Führer!  Il Duce.	Sorry, what's your point?
+Sorry, what's your point?	And the people here don't want us. Are you kidding?  The Egyptians are desperate to get rid of the Colonials…  - isn't that right? Their best people get down on hands and knees begging to be spared a knighthood.  Isn't that right?
+Good morning!	Could I trouble you for some water?
+Could I trouble you for some water?	Yes, of course.  So, golly, where have you come from?
+Yes, of course.  So, golly, where have you come from?	I desperately need a jeep.  There's been an accident.
+I desperately need a jeep.  There's been an accident.	I see.
+I see.	No, I'm not thinking clearly - I need a doctor too, to come with me, can I take this vehicle?  I'll pay, of course - and some morphine and…  Seventy miles - I can be back here by dusk.
+No, I'm not thinking clearly - I need a doctor too, to come with me, can I take this vehicle?  I'll pay, of course - and some morphine and…  Seventy miles - I can be back here by dusk.	Do you have your papers, sir?
+Do you have your papers, sir?	What?
+What?	If I could just see some identification.
+If I could just see some identification.	Am I not talking sense? -  forgive me, I'm, I've been walking, I've - there's a woman badly injured at Gilf Kebir, in the Cave of Swimmers.  I am a member of the Royal Geographical Society.
+Am I not talking sense? -  forgive me, I'm, I've been walking, I've - there's a woman badly injured at Gilf Kebir, in the Cave of Swimmers.  I am a member of the Royal Geographical Society.	Right.  And what's your name, sir?
+Right.  And what's your name, sir?	Count Laszlo de Almásy. The Officer is writing this down.  A glance at his Corporal.
+Count Laszlo de Almásy. The Officer is writing this down.  A glance at his Corporal.	Almásy - would you mind just spelling that for me?  What nationality would that be?
+Almásy - would you mind just spelling that for me?  What nationality would that be?	Look, listen to me.  A woman is dying - my wife! - is dying seventy miles from here.  I have been walking for three days!  I don't want to spell my name, I want you to give me this jeep!
+Look, listen to me.  A woman is dying - my wife! - is dying seventy miles from here.  I have been walking for three days!  I don't want to spell my name, I want you to give me this jeep!	I understand you are agitated - perhaps you would like to sit down while I radio back to HQ -
+I understand you are agitated - perhaps you would like to sit down while I radio back to HQ -	No!  NO!  Don't radio anybody, just give me the fucking jeep!
+What did you think you were doing in his tent?	Looking for the fossils.  Why should we wait until we're in London?  This girl was probably twelve years old.
+Looking for the fossils.  Why should we wait until we're in London?  This girl was probably twelve years old.	You shouldn't go into another man's tent. It's inexcusable.
+You shouldn't go into another man's tent. It's inexcusable.	Her hands and feet were tied.
+Her hands and feet were tied.	What did you do?
+What did you do?	I looked at them.  They're shrubs, small trees.  Exquisite.  And fossilized, rock hard. He walks away to the nose of the plane.
+I looked at them.  They're shrubs, small trees.  Exquisite.  And fossilized, rock hard. He walks away to the nose of the plane.	I was talking about the girl.
+I was talking about the girl.	Cut the ropes.  I left a note, on his blanket.  At the next Geographical Society I shall await with great interest the announcement of the Fenelon-Barnes Slave Knot.  The Girl wouldn't leave, of course.  Her father had sold her for a camel. He turns over the propeller, the engine cranks up.
+I'll be back as quick as I can. Thirty-six hours at the outside.	Try to get a second radiator, we'll bury it between here and the Pottery Hill. And a better jack. We planned badly.
+Try to get a second radiator, we'll bury it between here and the Pottery Hill. And a better jack. We planned badly.	Bermann!
+And I'm telling you there's nothing there to explore.	No, because you can't see from the air! If you could explore from the air life would be very simple!  Look!  What is that?  Is that a wadi? That whole spur is a real possibility
+No, because you can't see from the air! If you could explore from the air life would be very simple!  Look!  What is that?  Is that a wadi? That whole spur is a real possibility	Which we've overflown twice.
+Which we've overflown twice.	Which we couldn't explore because of rocks, because of cross-winds, it's sloppy.  And here - and here - we could be staring at Zerzura.
+And where are the Expedition Maps?	In my room.
+In my room.	Those maps belong to His Majesty's Government.  They're confidential. They shouldn't be left lying around for any Tom, Dick or Mary to have sight of.
+Those maps belong to His Majesty's Government.  They're confidential. They shouldn't be left lying around for any Tom, Dick or Mary to have sight of.	What's the matter with you?
+What's the matter with you?	Don't be so bloody naïve.  You know there's a war breaking out.  This arrived this morning.  By order of the British Government - all International Expeditions to be aborted by May 1939.
+Why do they care about our maps?	What do we find in the desert? Arrow heads, spears.  In a war, if you own the desert, you own North Africa.
+What do we find in the desert? Arrow heads, spears.  In a war, if you own the desert, you own North Africa.	Own the desert.
+I believe I'm rather late.	Good, we're all here?  A toast, to the International Sand club - may it soon resurface.
+Look, either shut up, or go home.	Absolutely right, shut up. Lashings of apologies all round.
+Had a letter from my wife.  The wisteria is still out, which I'm looking forward to.  She says Dorset is gripped with Invasion Fever.  Wrong coast I should have thought, still	Right.
+Right.	Bermann thinks he'll be interned, poor fellow.  I'm going to do what I can, but…  And D'Ag turns out to be a great admirer of Mussolini. So now you can say I told you so.
+Bermann thinks he'll be interned, poor fellow.  I'm going to do what I can, but…  And D'Ag turns out to be a great admirer of Mussolini. So now you can say I told you so.	I told you so.
+I told you so.	We didn't care about countries. Did we?  Brits, Arabs, Hungarians, Germans.  None of that mattered, did it?  It was something finer than that.
+We didn't care about countries. Did we?  Brits, Arabs, Hungarians, Germans.  None of that mattered, did it?  It was something finer than that.	Yes.  It was.  Thanks for the compass. I'll look after it for you.
+Yes.  It was.  Thanks for the compass. I'll look after it for you.	When's Clifton picking you up?
+When's Clifton picking you up?	Tomorrow afternoon.  Don't worry. I'll be ready.
+Tomorrow afternoon.  Don't worry. I'll be ready.	I'll leave the plane in the hangar at Kufra Oasis.  So if you need it…hard to know how long one's talking about.  We might all be back in a month or two.
+I have to teach myself not to read too much into everything.  Comes of too long having to read so much into hardly anything at all.	Goodbye, my friend. They shake hands.
+Goodbye, my friend. They shake hands.	May God make safety your companion.
+May God make safety your companion.	There is no God.  But I hope someone looks after you.
+Hey!  Hey!  Stop this jeep!  Let me out of here - there's a woman dying, there's a woman dying while I'm - Hey!	Shut-up!
+Shut-up!	Please - I beg you, I beg you, I beg you, please listen to me, this is a terrible mistake. Just stop, please, and listen to me.  My wife is dying.
+Please - I beg you, I beg you, I beg you, please listen to me, this is a terrible mistake. Just stop, please, and listen to me.  My wife is dying.	Listen, Fritz, if I have to listen to another word from you I'll give you a fucking good hiding.
+Listen, Fritz, if I have to listen to another word from you I'll give you a fucking good hiding.	Fritz?  What are you talking about? Who's Fritz?
+Fritz?  What are you talking about? Who's Fritz?	That's your name innit?  Count Fucking Arsehole Von Bismarck? What's that supposed to be then, Irish?
+How are you?	Okay.
+Okay.	Your leg will be fine.  A lot of shrapnel came out - I saved you the pieces.
+Your leg will be fine.  A lot of shrapnel came out - I saved you the pieces.	You're the prettiest girl I ever saw.
+No, I'll get you some tea. Wait till you're in Naples.  You'll find a girl there.	Just kiss me.  It would mean such a lot to me.
+Just kiss me.  It would mean such a lot to me.	Would it? She kisses him, very softly, on the lips.
+Would it? She kisses him, very softly, on the lips.	Thank you.
+David Caravaggio.	No.
+No.	Petty thief, six months imprisonment Kingston Penitentiary, 1937.
+Petty thief, six months imprisonment Kingston Penitentiary, 1937.	I keep explaining.  You've got the wrong man.  My name is Bellini - Antonio Bellini.  Bellini, Caravaggio, both painters, I think that is confusing you.
+Is this you?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	It is you.  This was taken in Cairo at British Headquarters - July 41. And so was this - August 41.  And this -February 42.
+It is you.  This was taken in Cairo at British Headquarters - July 41. And so was this - August 41.  And this -February 42.	It's impossible.  I was buying or selling something.  I've been to Cairo many times.
+It's impossible.  I was buying or selling something.  I've been to Cairo many times.	You are a Canadian spy working for the Allies.  Code-name Moose.
+Yes, I've been asking for weeks, a month, I don't know, also my leg was -	We don't have a doctor, but we do have a nurse.
+We don't have a doctor, but we do have a nurse.	A nurse?  Well, sure, a nurse is great. A nurse?  Great.
+Why is there so much nose?  I can't hear myself think!  Look - give me something.  So we can all get out of this room.  A name.  A code.  It's too hot.	I slept with the girl.  I've got a wife in Tripoli.  A girl comes up and points at you, you only see trouble.
+Well, you must know.  You were brought up Libya, yes?	Don't cut me.
+Don't cut me.	Or was it Toronto?
+Or was it Toronto?	Don't cut me.  Come on.
+Go!  Hey!  Go! Caravaggio is in terror.	Oh Jesus.  Oh Jesus Christ.
+Buon' Giorno! Hana turns, startled and suspicious.	Are you Hana?
+Are you Hana?	What do you want?
+What do you want?	I met your friend Mary.  She said I should stop and see if you were okay. Apparently we're neighbors - my house is two blocks from yours in Montreal. Cabot, north of Laurier.  Bonjour.
+I met your friend Mary.  She said I should stop and see if you were okay. Apparently we're neighbors - my house is two blocks from yours in Montreal. Cabot, north of Laurier.  Bonjour.	Bonjour.
+They're fresh.  I haven't eaten an egg in…have you noticed there are chickens? You get chickens in Italy but no eggs. In Africa there were always eggs, but never chickens. Who separates them?	You were in Africa?
+You were in Africa?	Yeah, for a while.
+Yeah, for a while.	So was my Patient.
+So was my Patient.	I'd like to stay.  That's the long and short of it.  I mean, you know blah-blah if it's convenient, if there's room blah-blah-blah.  I have to do some work here -I speak the language. There are Partisans to be -  -we embrace them and see if we can relieve them of their weapons, you know - while we hug.  I was a thief, so they think I'd be good at that.
+I'd like to stay.  That's the long and short of it.  I mean, you know blah-blah if it's convenient, if there's room blah-blah-blah.  I have to do some work here -I speak the language. There are Partisans to be -  -we embrace them and see if we can relieve them of their weapons, you know - while we hug.  I was a thief, so they think I'd be good at that.	So you can shoot a pistol?
+So you can shoot a pistol?	No.
+No.	If you said yes I would have had a reason.  You should let me redress those bandages.  Before you go.
+If you said yes I would have had a reason.  You should let me redress those bandages.  Before you go.	I'm okay.  Look, it's a big house. We needn't disturb each other.  I can shoot a pistol!  I'll sleep in the stables.  I don't care where I sleep.  I don't sleep.
+I'm okay.  Look, it's a big house. We needn't disturb each other.  I can shoot a pistol!  I'll sleep in the stables.  I don't care where I sleep.  I don't sleep.	Because we're fine here.  I don't know what Mary told you about me, but I don't need company, I don't need to be looked at.
+Because we're fine here.  I don't know what Mary told you about me, but I don't need company, I don't need to be looked at.	Fine.  I'm not looking.
+Supper. Hana calls after him.	Where've you been?
+Where've you been?	Rabbit hunting.
+I could help you.  I could get you off that.	Can you cook the rabbit or will you try and bring that back to life?
+It's a week.  We didn't know where you were - or if you coming back, or -	You should be happy.  What were you going to do for him when it ran out? He pulls out more phials from his jacket.
+You should be happy.  What were you going to do for him when it ran out? He pulls out more phials from his jacket.	What do you do?  What are you doing here?
+What do you do?  What are you doing here?	Some gave me a dress.  You know what's great?  What I'm learning? You win a war and you not only gain the miles you get the moral ground. Everywhere I go, we're in the right. I like that.
+Hana?  Hana?  Are you alright?	Don't touch me if you're going to try and fuck me.
+Don't touch me if you're going to try and fuck me.	I'll have some of your water.  It's hot.
+You have to protect yourself from sadness.  This is the thing I've learned.  You're in love with him, aren't you? Your patient.  Do you think he's a saint or something?  Because of the way he looks?  I don't think he is.	I'm not in love with him.  I'm in love with ghosts.  And so is he. He's in love with ghosts.
+I'm not in love with him.  I'm in love with ghosts.  And so is he. He's in love with ghosts.	Who are his ghosts?
+Who are his ghosts?	Ask him.
+Ask him.	What if I told you he did this to me?
+What if I told you he did this to me?	What?  How could he have?  When?
+What?  How could he have?  When?	I'm one of his ghosts and he wouldn't even know.  It's like he slammed a door in Cairo and it trapped my fucking hands in Tobruk.
+I'm one of his ghosts and he wouldn't even know.  It's like he slammed a door in Cairo and it trapped my fucking hands in Tobruk.	I don't know what that means.
+I don't know what that means.	Ask him.  Ask your saint who he is. Ask him who he's killed.
+Ask him.  Ask your saint who he is. Ask him who he's killed.	Please don't creep around this house.
+Where did you find that?	I liberated it.
+I liberated it.	I think that's called looting.
+I think that's called looting.	No-one should own music.  The real question is who wrote the song?
+Well, then ask him his name!	What's happened?  Kip!  What's happening? Don't shoot, please, don't shoot anybody.
+Buon' giorno.	She can take you as far as Florence.
+She can take you as far as Florence.	I can get in the back.
+Hello.	Finally!  So you're our Canadian pickpocket?
+Thief, I think, is more accurate.	I understand you were in Africa. Whereabouts?
+I understand you were in Africa. Whereabouts?	Oh, all over.
+Oh, all over.	All over?  I kept trying to cover a very modest portion and still failed.  Are you leaving us?  Now's our opportunity to swap war wounds.
+I think anybody she ever loves tends to die on her.	Are you planning to be the exception?
+Are you planning to be the exception?	Me?  You've got the wrong end of the stick, old boy.  So - Caravaggio - Hana thinks you invented your name.
+Me?  You've got the wrong end of the stick, old boy.  So - Caravaggio - Hana thinks you invented your name.	And you've forgotten yours.
+And you've forgotten yours.	I told her you would never invent such a preposterous name.
+I told her you would never invent such a preposterous name.	I told her you can forget everything but you never forget your name.
+Are you outside? A beat and then Caravaggio shuffles in.  Like an old boxer.	I can't hide anymore.  I breathe like a dog.  I lose my balance.  Stealing's got harder. Caravaggio stares at the Herodotus.
+I can't hide anymore.  I breathe like a dog.  I lose my balance.  Stealing's got harder. Caravaggio stares at the Herodotus.	Why do I feel if I had your book I would know everything?
+Why do I feel if I had your book I would know everything?	I don't even know if it is my book. The Bedouin found it in the plane, in the wreckage.  It's mine now. I heard your breathing and thought it might be rain. I'm dying for rain - of course I'm dying anyway - but I long to feel rain on my face.
+Is it you?  If I said Moose… I look different, fuck, why shouldn't you?	Moose.
+Moose.	First wedding anniversary - what do you call it?
+First wedding anniversary - what do you call it?	I don't know.  Paper.  Is it? Paper?  I don't remember.
+Thought you'd never wake up!	What? Hana comes in, sleepily, frowns at the gramophone.
+Irving Berlin.	For?
+For?	Top Hat.
+Top Hat.	Is there a song you don't know?
+Have a drink.	I've had a drink.  Fatal.
+I've had a drink.  Fatal.	Well, anything you do is likely to be fatal, so you know -
+Well, anything you do is likely to be fatal, so you know -	Very true!
+What?  You and Madox?  Or you and Katharine Clifton?	What?
+Hana tells me you're leaving.	There are going to be trials, they want me to interpret, don't they know I'm allergic to courtrooms?
+There are going to be trials, they want me to interpret, don't they know I'm allergic to courtrooms?	We shall miss you.
+So, I come across the Hospital Convoy  I was looking for this stuff, and some nurse, Mary, Hana's friend, tells me about you and Hana, hiding in a monastery, in purdah, whatever it is - retreat -  how you'd come in from the Desert and you were burned and you didn't know your name but you knew the words to every song there was and you had one possession -  - a copy of Herodotus - and it was full of letters and cuttings, and then I knew it must be you.	Me?
+Me?	I'd seen you writing in that book. At the Embassy in Cairo, when I had thumbs and you had a face. And a name.
+I'd seen you writing in that book. At the Embassy in Cairo, when I had thumbs and you had a face. And a name.	I see.
+I see.	Before you went over to the Germans, before you got Rommel's spy across the desert and inside British headquarters. He took some pretty good photographs - I saw mine in that torture room in Tobruk, so they made an impression.
+Before you went over to the Germans, before you got Rommel's spy across the desert and inside British headquarters. He took some pretty good photographs - I saw mine in that torture room in Tobruk, so they made an impression.	And you thought you'd come and settle the score?
+And you thought you'd come and settle the score?	You were the only man who knew the desert well enough, the only man who would cross seventeen hundred miles of nothing.
+You were the only man who knew the desert well enough, the only man who would cross seventeen hundred miles of nothing.	I had to get back to the desert. I made a promise.  The rest meant nothing to me.
+I had to get back to the desert. I made a promise.  The rest meant nothing to me.	What did you say?
+What did you say?	The rest meant nothing to me.
+The rest meant nothing to me.	There was a result to what you did. It wasn't just another expedition.  It did this.  If the British hadn't unearthed your nosey photographer in Cairo thousands of people could have died.
+There was a result to what you did. It wasn't just another expedition.  It did this.  If the British hadn't unearthed your nosey photographer in Cairo thousands of people could have died.	Thousands of people did die, just different people.
+Thousands of people did die, just different people.	But you were among the British, they were your friends - why betray them?
+But you were among the British, they were your friends - why betray them?	Is that what you thought?  That I betrayed the British?  The British betrayed me.  The British betrayed me.
+And did you never see Katharine? You never got back to the Cave?	Yes, I got back there finally to keep my promise.  To come back for her. And then of course I couldn't… I couldn't even do that properly.
+You get to the morning and the poison leaks away, doesn't it? Black nights, fucking black nights, when you want to howl like a dog. I thought I would kill you.  You killed my friends, you ruined my hands.  But the girl was always here, like some Guardian Angel.	You can't kill me.  I died years ago.
+You can't kill me.  I died years ago.	No, now I can't kill you.
+But then the Queen looked up and saw Gyges concealed in the shadows. And though she said nothing, she shuddered. The next day she sent for Gyges and challenged him.  And hearing his story, she said this -	Off with his head!
+The team is in mourning, darling.	Oh really?
+I was just saying, I'm going to cable Downing Street, see if I can't stir up a few shillings - Katharine's mother and the PM's wife are best -	Darling, for goodness' sake!
+Darling, for goodness' sake!	Well, she is!
+Why do you think?  About my staying?	Well look, if nobody minds, truly, then I suppose - I shall, of course, be bereft
+Well look, if nobody minds, truly, then I suppose - I shall, of course, be bereft	Oh.
+Oh.	But finally able to explore the Cairo night-life. I shall produce an authoritative guide to the Zinc Bars and - I want to say Harems - am I in the right country for Harems?
+Darling, I just heard.  You poor sausage, are you all right?	I'm fine.  I got hot.
+I'm fine.  I got hot.	Lady H said she thought you might be -
+Lady H said she thought you might be -	I'm not pregnant.  I'm hot.  I'm too hot.
+I'm not pregnant.  I'm hot.  I'm too hot.	Right.
+Right.	Aren't you?
+Aren't you?	Sweltering.  Come on, I'll take you home.
+Sweltering.  Come on, I'll take you home.	Can't we really go home?  I can't breathe. Aren't you dying for green, anything green, or rain, wouldn't you die to feel rain on your face? It's Christmas and it's all - I don't know - if you asked me I'd go home tomorrow.  If you wanted.
+Can't we really go home?  I can't breathe. Aren't you dying for green, anything green, or rain, wouldn't you die to feel rain on your face? It's Christmas and it's all - I don't know - if you asked me I'd go home tomorrow.  If you wanted.	Sweetheart, you know we can't go home, there might be a war.
+Sweetheart, you know we can't go home, there might be a war.	Geoffrey, you do so love putting on a disguise.
+Geoffrey, you do so love putting on a disguise.	I do so love you.  What do you smell of?
+I do so love you.  What do you smell of?	What?
+What?	Marzipan!  I think you've got marzipan in your hair.  No wonder you're homesick.
+Marvelous plane.  Did you look?	Isn't it?  Wedding present from Katharine's parents.  I'm calling it Rupert Bear.  Hello.  Geoffrey Clifton.
+Isn't it?  Wedding present from Katharine's parents.  I'm calling it Rupert Bear.  Hello.  Geoffrey Clifton.	We can finally consign my old bird to the scrapheap. Almásy smiles and walks on towards the others.
+I think you know all of us, except for Geoffrey and Katharine Clifton, who've recently come out from England.	Apprentices.
+Apprentices.	This is Clive Fenelon-Barnes.
+Of course.  Well, we should all go out onto the terrace.	Oh no, really.  She has her book.
+Oh no, really.  She has her book.	I won't hear of it.  None of us will.
+Good heavens, are you married, Madox?	Very much so.  We are all, save my friend here.
+And a special thank you to Geoffrey and Katharine, without whose fund raising heroics we should still be kicking our heels. They toast the Cliftons.	To arm-twisting.
+To arm-twisting.	Did Katharine say? - Geoffrey has to fly back to Cairo.
+Did Katharine say? - Geoffrey has to fly back to Cairo.	Have to return the favor - take a few photographs for the army.
+There was a Prince, who was dying, and he was carried up the tower at Pisa so he could die with a view of the Tuscan Hills. Am I that Prince? Hana laughs.	Because you're leaning?  No, you're just on an angle.  You're too heavy!
+What was all the banging?  Were you fighting rats or the entire German army?	I was repairing the stairs.  I found a library and the books were very useful.
+Before you find too many uses for these books would you read some to me?	I think they're all in Italian, but I'll look, yes.  What about your own book?
+I think they're all in Italian, but I'll look, yes.  What about your own book?	My book?  The Herodotus?  Yes, we can read him.
+Oh - I've found plums.  We have plums in the orchard.  We have an orchard! She has peeled a plum and now slips it into his mouth.	Thank you.
+I will hide you in the room where we sleep, said Candaules. She stumbles over the word.	Candaules
+Candaules	Candaules…you're laughing at me.
+Candaules…you're laughing at me.	I'm not laughing at you.  Go on, please.
+I'm not laughing at you.  Go on, please.	When my wife comes to lie down she always lays her garments one by one on a seat near the entrance of the room, and from where you stand you will be able to gaze on her at your leisure
+Are you asleep?	Yes.  Dropping off.
+I should try and move your bed.  I want you to be able to see the view.  It's good, it's a view from a monastery.	I can already see.
+I can already see.	How?  How can you see anything?
+How?  How can you see anything?	Not the window - I can't bear the light anyway - no, I can see all the way to the desert.  I've found the lost fossils.
+Not the window - I can't bear the light anyway - no, I can see all the way to the desert.  I've found the lost fossils.	I'm turning you.
+Zerzura, the White City of Acacias, the Oasis of Little Birds.  As me about the scent of acacia - it's in this room.  I can smell it.  The taste of tea so black it falls into your mouth.  I can taste it. I'm chewing the mint.  Is there sand in my eyes?  Are you cleaning sand from my ears?	No sand.  That's your drugs speaking.
+No sand.  That's your drugs speaking.	I can see my wife in that view.
+I can see my wife in that view.	Are you remembering more?
+Are you remembering more?	Could I have a cigarette?
+Could I have a cigarette?	Are you crazy?
+Are you crazy?	Why are you so determined to keep me alive?
+Why are you so determined to keep me alive?	Because I'm a nurse.
+There's a man downstairs.  He brought us eggs.  He might stay.	Why?  Can he lay eggs?
+Why?  Can he lay eggs?	He's Canadian.
+He's Canadian.	Why are people always so happy when they collide with someone from the same place?  What happened in Montreal when you passed a man in the street - did you invite him to live with you?
+Why are people always so happy when they collide with someone from the same place?  What happened in Montreal when you passed a man in the street - did you invite him to live with you?	He needn't disturb you.
+He needn't disturb you.	Me?  He can't.  I'm already disturbed.
+Me?  He can't.  I'm already disturbed.	He won't disturb us then.  I think he's after morphine.  There's a war.  Where you come from becomes important.  And besides - we're vulnerable here. I keep hearing noises in the night. Voices.
+Excuse me -	Yes?
+Yes?	Can I ask - my friend, can he come in? Just for a few minutes?
+Can I ask - my friend, can he come in? Just for a few minutes?	Your friend?
+Your friend?	He's going back to the front this evening.  I can't see him otherwise.
+He's going back to the front this evening.  I can't see him otherwise.	Just go off.  I'll be quite all right.
+Just go off.  I'll be quite all right.	No, I can't go, but if it, if you weren't offended, it would be very good of you to allow us - every other cabin is crammed. This is as private as we'll get.
+No, I can't go, but if it, if you weren't offended, it would be very good of you to allow us - every other cabin is crammed. This is as private as we'll get.	Well then - yes.  Of course.
+Well then - yes.  Of course.	Thank you.  Thank you.
+This is Captain McGann.	Please, don't waste your time on pleasantries -
+Something smells so rich.  My stomach is heaving -	He came back, he says he caught a rabbit.  I'm cooking it.
+He came back, he says he caught a rabbit.  I'm cooking it.	That's a different dress.
+That's a different dress.	He keeps asking me questions about you. Do you know him?  Do you recognize him?
+He keeps asking me questions about you. Do you know him?  Do you recognize him?	Do I recognize him?  I recognize what he is. I like him.  He's Canadian.  He can read Italian.  He can catch rabbits.
+Could I ask you to move?  I'm sorry - but when you turn, the sheets, I can't really bear the sheets moving over me. Sorry.	Yes, of course, I'm so sorry. Stupid of me. Hana gets up, upset to have hurt him.
+Tell me about this, this is in your handwriting - December 22nd - Betrayals in war are childlike compared with our betrayals during peace.  New lovers are nervous and tender, but smash everything - for the heart is an organ of fire…  I love that, I believe that.  Who is K?	K is for Katharine.
+He wants us to move out, says there could be fifty more mines in the building. He thinks I'm mad because I laughed at him.  He's Indian, he wears a turban.	Sikh.  If he wears a turban, he's a Sikh.
+I'll probably marry him.	Really?  That's sudden.
+Really?  That's sudden.	My mother always told me I would summon my husband by playing the piano.
+I liked it better when there were just the two of us.	Why?  Is he staying?
+Why?  Is he staying?	With his Sergeant.  A Mr. Hardy.
+With his Sergeant.  A Mr. Hardy.	We should charge!  Doesn't anyone have a job to do?
+We should charge!  Doesn't anyone have a job to do?	They have to clear all the local roads of mines.  That's a big job. They won't stay in the house. They're putting up their tent in the garden.
+They have to clear all the local roads of mines.  That's a big job. They won't stay in the house. They're putting up their tent in the garden.	In that case, I suppose we can't charge.
+Good morning.  Did you know that?  You're always singing?	I've been told that before.
+I've been told that before.	Kip's another one.
+Arguing about books.	Condensed milk - one of the truly great inventions.
+You like him, don't you?  Your voice changes.	I don't think it does.  Anyway, he's indifferent to me.
+I don't think it does.  Anyway, he's indifferent to me.	I don't think it's indifference.
+Hana was just telling me that you were indifferent -	Hey! -
+Hey! -	- to her cooking.
+I'm still here.	You'd better be.
+You'd better be.	Don't depend on it.  Will you? That little bit of air, each day there's less of it, which is al right, which is quite all right.
+Why don't you go?  You should sleep.	Would you like me to?
+Who knows the Bosphorus Hug?	Never heard of it.
+Never heard of it.	That was a dance we invented at the International Sand Club.
+There's meant to be lace in the next village - the boys are taking me.	I'm not sewing anything else.
+I'm not sewing anything else.	You don't have any money, do you? Just in case there's silk.
+You don't have any money, do you? Just in case there's silk.	No!
+No!	Hana, I know you do!
+I'm not sewing anything else for you!	I love you.
+Excuse me.  Yes?  I don't have the key to that door.	The Germans were here.  The Germans were all over this area.  They left mines everywhere.  Pianos were their favorite hiding places.
+The Germans were here.  The Germans were all over this area.  They left mines everywhere.  Pianos were their favorite hiding places.	I see.  Then may be you're safe as long as you only play Bach.  He's German. Kip is looking around the piano. Hana giggles.
+I see.  Then may be you're safe as long as you only play Bach.  He's German. Kip is looking around the piano. Hana giggles.	Is something funny?
+Is something funny?	No, but, no, not at all.  I'm sorry. You came to the doors, that's all and -  - such good manners for someone worried about mines.  That's all.
+No, but, no, not at all.  I'm sorry. You came to the doors, that's all and -  - such good manners for someone worried about mines.  That's all.	I've met you before.
+I've met you before.	I don't think so.
+Try this.  I found a great jar of it. Olive oil.  In Naples this was so precious it would have bought you a wife.	Thank you.
+For my hair?	Yes, for your hair.
+I'll get another tin. Hana and the Patient are alone.	I didn't like that book either. It's all about men.  Too many men. Just like this house.
+It's okay - I'll help.  Please.	The mines, the wires, there's a trick. Some explode if you stretch the wires, some if you cut them.
+The mines, the wires, there's a trick. Some explode if you stretch the wires, some if you cut them.	What do I do?
+What do I do?	There's a mine here, but the others are far enough away, I think at least to give me a chance.  I have to work out which one to cut before I fall over.
+There's a mine here, but the others are far enough away, I think at least to give me a chance.  I have to work out which one to cut before I fall over.	So I follow the wires?
+So I follow the wires?	You get Hardy.
+You get Hardy.	I follow the wires.
+Why would anyone do this?	I've done this.  I've had to do this.
+What is this business with you and explosives?  Do you think you're immune?	I promise you that was the right thing to do.  He's my good luck.  Now cut.  This one.  I hope we don't die.
+I promise you that was the right thing to do.  He's my good luck.  Now cut.  This one.  I hope we don't die.	Okay.  Get away from here.  Quick.
+Okay.  Get away from here.  Quick.	I'm not scared.  So many people have died around me.  But I would be a shame for us.  I don't feel like being shy.
+I'm not scared.  So many people have died around me.  But I would be a shame for us.  I don't feel like being shy.	You must get away.  Before I cut. I'm not cutting if you're here. He's struggling.  He's going to topple over if he cuts.
+You must get away.  Before I cut. I'm not cutting if you're here. He's struggling.  He's going to topple over if he cuts.	Actually, you can't cut, can you? You'll fall over.  Give me the pliers.
+Actually, you can't cut, can you? You'll fall over.  Give me the pliers.	No. But he hands them over.
+No. But he hands them over.	Kiss me.  Before I cut.  Just in case.
+Kiss me.  Before I cut.  Just in case.	Don't talk.  Check again.  Lie flat and then cut.
+Don't go.  I'm frightened.  I can love a coward, I can't love another dead man.	This is what I do.  I do this every day.
+Kip - come and dance with me	Yes.  Later.
+I was thinking yesterday - yesterday! - the Patient, Hardy: they're everything that's good about England. I couldn't even say what that was. We didn't exchange two personal words, and we've been together through some terrible things, some -  he was engaged to a girl in the village! - I mean -  and us - he never once… He didn't ask me if I could spin the ball at cricket or the kamasutra or - I don't even know what I'm talking about.	You loved him.
+If one night I didn't come to the tent, what would you do?	I try not to expect you.
+I try not to expect you.	But if it got late and I hadn't shown up?
+But if it got late and I hadn't shown up?	Then I'd think there must be a reason.
+Then I'd think there must be a reason.	You wouldn't come to find me?  That makes me never want to come here. But she continues unraveling the turban.
+What are you up to?	That gun at Lahor, Kipling's cannon - Zamzammah - remember?  That was made out of the metal of ordinary things. I want to make an ordinary thing out of guns. His bayonet is thrust into the forge.  It's red hot.
+That gun at Lahor, Kipling's cannon - Zamzammah - remember?  That was made out of the metal of ordinary things. I want to make an ordinary thing out of guns. His bayonet is thrust into the forge.  It's red hot.	When I went to England I was amazed at what went on, the waste - I'd been taught to re-use everything, the dung from a cow to cool a radiator, a fork to fix a typewriter - India could live for a hundred years on what I saw thrown away.
+When I went to England I was amazed at what went on, the waste - I'd been taught to re-use everything, the dung from a cow to cool a radiator, a fork to fix a typewriter - India could live for a hundred years on what I saw thrown away.	I should go to the house, get breakfast.
+I should go to the house, get breakfast.	The lamp was burning all night in his room.  Caravaggio was there with him.
+This is hot!	Nya-nya-nya!
+Will you come with me?	Of course.  When?
+Of course.  When?	I mean home.  India.
+I mean home.  India.	Kip… I -
+Kip… I -	I know - here I am always a brown man, there you would be always a white woman.
+I know - here I am always a brown man, there you would be always a white woman.	Is that what you think?  Is that what you think I think?
+Is that what you think?  Is that what you think I think?	It's what I've learned.
+It's what I've learned.	I'm thinking about your heart, not your skin.  And how to reach it. And that I don't think I can.  A bomb has ruined us, just not the bomb I thought would ruin us.
+I've clung to you.  I've clung to you. Kip.  Life  a raft.	Then come with me.
+I'll always go back to that church. Look at my painting.	I'll always go back to that church.
+I'll always go back to that church.	So one day we'll meet.
+The war's over - you told me yourself. How can it be desertion?	It's not over everywhere.  I didn't mean literally.
+It's not over everywhere.  I didn't mean literally.	When he dies I'll catch up.
+It's not safe here.  The whole country's crawling with Bandits and Germans and God knows what.  It's madness.  I can't allow it. You're not, this is natural - it's shock. For all of us.  Hana -	I need morphine.  A lot.  And a pistol.
+I need morphine.  A lot.  And a pistol.	And what if he really is a spy?
+And what if he really is a spy?	He can't even move.
+He can't even move.	If anything happened to you I'd never forgive myself.
+Why Picton?	He's from there - edge of Lake Ontario right, Soldier?
+Third Canadian Fusiliers.	Does he know a Captain McGann? The boy hears this, whispers to Oliver.
+He's gone, hasn't he?	No.  He's - no.
+No.  He's - no.	Oh God.  Oh God.
+Hello.	Hello miss.
+Hello miss.	I was going to say - if you want to eat with us, ever… you and Lieutenant Singh
+I was going to say - if you want to eat with us, ever… you and Lieutenant Singh	Very kind of you, we can always eat in the town with the others -
+Very kind of you, we can always eat in the town with the others -	Since Caravaggio turned up - food seems to appear, so please.
+Since Caravaggio turned up - food seems to appear, so please.	I'll ask the Lieutenant.  But thank you.
+I'll ask the Lieutenant.  But thank you.	You saved my life.  I haven't forgotten.  I thought you were very very tall. You seemed to big - a Giant - and I felt like a child who can't keep her balance.
+You saved my life.  I haven't forgotten.  I thought you were very very tall. You seemed to big - a Giant - and I felt like a child who can't keep her balance.	A toddler
+I was looking for the Lieutenant Singh.	He's sleeping.
+He's sleeping.	Only we have to go to work.
+Only we have to go to work.	I'll tell him.  What is it?  Is it a mine?
+I'll tell him.  What is it?  Is it a mine?	A bomb.  At the Viaduct. She closes the door, then reappears.
+A bomb.  At the Viaduct. She closes the door, then reappears.	Does he have to go?
+Does he have to go?	Pardon me?
+Pardon me?	What if you couldn't find him…?  Sergeant, not today, please. Not this morning.
+Whoa - give me a chance!	Sorry.  I took a Benzedrine.
+I've got a surprise.  A boat!  We can go to Capri.  It's got a cabin, it's private.	I'd like to spend a night with you in a bed.
+I'd like to spend a night with you in a bed.	We can do that when we're very, very old.
+You've got a mustache.	A bit of one.
+A bit of one.	I was looking forward to this evening.
+I was looking forward to this evening.	I had a hotel room.
+I had a hotel room.	I thought that was for when we were very very old?
+I thought that was for when we were very very old?	I'm feeling old.
+Hey!  Hey!  Stop!  Hey!	Don't move!  Stand ABSOLUTELY STILL! Hana stops.
+What's happening?  Am I needed?	I'm afraid so, sir. Kip hurries to his tent.  Hana follows him.
+You've got to cut, sir, that frost won't last.	Go away.
+Go away.	Yessir.
+Yessir.	This is making me incredibly angry.
+Your book.  Your Herodotus! Almásy looks uncomfortable.	It doesn't matter.  Really.  I think I can muddle through.  Okay - The Story of Candaules and Gyges. King Candaules was passionately in love with his wife -  One day he said to Gyges, the son of somebody, anyway - his favorite warrior -
+Mrs. Clifton, you'll have to forgive us.  We're not accustomed to the company of women.	Not at all.  I was thoroughly enjoying by book.  Please.  Signor D'Agostino, Herr Bermann.
+I'm afraid we're not having much luck obtaining funds for the expedition.	How awful.  What will you do?
+How awful.  What will you do?	A more modest expedition, or even wait a year.  Remind our families we still exist.
+Darling, Peter says I could stay	Why not?
+Certainly not.	I insist.  There clearly isn't room for us all, I'm the least able to dig, and I'm not one of the walking wounded. Those are facts.  Besides, if I remain it's the most effective method of persuading my husband to abandon whatever he's doing and rescue us. It's hard to argue with this logic.
+Katharine!	Coming.  I can't sleep.  I woke up shouting in the middle of the night. Geoffrey thinks it's the thing in the desert, the trauma.
+You should sit down, darling.  She's quite all right.  Are you pregnant?	I don't think so.
+I don't think so.	How romantic.  With Fiona I fell over every five minutes.  Ronnie Christened me Lady Downfall.
+How romantic.  With Fiona I fell over every five minutes.  Ronnie Christened me Lady Downfall.	I think I might go inside and sit down for a few minutes.
+I think I might go inside and sit down for a few minutes.	I'll come with you.
+I'll come with you.	No, please.  I shall be absolutely fine. They pass Almásy, who doesn't look up from his book.
+Brick platform opposite the old Ajaib-Gher -	- The Wonder House comma as the natives called the Lahore Museum.
+- The Wonder House comma as the natives called the Lahore Museum.	It's still there, the cannon, outside the museum. It was made of metal cups and bowls taken from every household in the city as tax, then melted down. Then later they fired the cannon at my people - comma - The natives.
+It's still there, the cannon, outside the museum. It was made of metal cups and bowls taken from every household in the city as tax, then melted down. Then later they fired the cannon at my people - comma - The natives.	So what do you really object to - the writer or what he's writing about?
+So what do you really object to - the writer or what he's writing about?	What I really object to, Uncle, is your finishing all my condensed milk.  And the message everywhere in your book - however slowly I read it - that the best destiny for India is to be ruled by the British.
+What I really object to, Uncle, is your finishing all my condensed milk.  And the message everywhere in your book - however slowly I read it - that the best destiny for India is to be ruled by the British.	Hana, we have discovered a shared please - the boy and I.
+This is wonderful!	What's he saying?
+Kip?	I looked up to you, Uncle.  My brother always said I was a fool. Never trust the British, he said: the deal-makers, the map-makers; never shake hands with them.
+I looked up to you, Uncle.  My brother always said I was a fool. Never trust the British, he said: the deal-makers, the map-makers; never shake hands with them.	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	What have I been doing all this time? Do you know how many mines I've seen? - more mines than there are soldiers, more - how many mines we've put in the ground ourselves, stuffed in corpses, dropped out of the sky.  And now this.
+They're excited!  They're happy about destroying a whole city. Would they do that to a White Man's City?  Never!	Go on, do it.  I don't need to hear any more.
+What about your rank or serial number?	No.  I think I was a pilot.  I was found near the wreckage of a plane by the Bedouin.  I was with them for some time.
+Am I being interrogated?  You should be trying to trick me.  Ask me about Tottenham Hotspur.  Or Buckingham Palace. About Marmite - I was addicted.  Or make me speak German, which I can, by the way.	Why?  Are you German?
+Why?  Are you German?	No.
+No.	How do you know you're not German if you don't remember anything?
+How do you know you're not German if you don't remember anything?	You tell me.  I remember a lot of things. I remember a garden, plunging down to the sea - the Devil's Chimney we called it - and there was a cottage at the bottom, right on the shore, nothing between you and France.
+You tell me.  I remember a lot of things. I remember a garden, plunging down to the sea - the Devil's Chimney we called it - and there was a cottage at the bottom, right on the shore, nothing between you and France.	This was your garden?
+This was your garden?	Or my wife's.
+Or my wife's.	Then you were married?
+Then you were married?	I think so.  Although I believe that to be true of a number of Germans. Might I have a glass of water?
+Where were you? I called at 4:30 this morning.	There are times when you don't answer the phone.
+You didn't answer the beeper either.	I hardly knew the guy. Why be impolite to strangers?
+I hardly knew the guy. Why be impolite to strangers?	I don't recall authorizing you to have a personal life.
+I don't recall authorizing you to have a personal life.	I don't recall asking your permission.
+A thief this good could handle the sensors in the rooms. What we don't get is how he effectuated his entry.	Through a window.
+Through a window.	The windows don't open.
+The windows don't open.	Entry through the doors or vents triggers instant alarm.
+So he popped the pane?	Bingo.
+That's great if you're a computer. In the real world that pane weighs 200 pounds. The building's 600 feet high.	He unscrewed the bolts, reset them on rollers, then slid the whole frame away. No more effort than it takes to vacuum a floor.
+He unscrewed the bolts, reset them on rollers, then slid the whole frame away. No more effort than it takes to vacuum a floor.	Interesting theory. Where's the proof?
+You ordering chop suey again?	Let a thousand flowers bloom. Chairman Mao.
+Meaning--	Meaning no one arranges calalilies like that. He left the window open when he came in. His only mistake.
+And the draft blew over the flowers.	Put the bolts on that window under a scope, I'm betting you'll find wrench scratches on them.
+Mac's signature.	Give me a break. Remember Manzini? When he stole Montezuma's scepter he left a Pepto Bismal bottle. The best ones always copy Mac.
+Give me a break. Remember Manzini? When he stole Montezuma's scepter he left a Pepto Bismal bottle. The best ones always copy Mac.	You're saying the thief wants us to think it's Mac but it's really not.
+You're saying the thief wants us to think it's Mac but it's really not.	Exactly.
+They've never caught him before, what makes you think they'll catch him now?	You got a better idea?
+You got a better idea?	Yeah. Me.
+We've got to catch him in the act.	Why didn't I think of that?
+Why didn't I think of that?	It's not the thinking of it, it's the doing it.
+It's not the thinking of it, it's the doing it.	With that computer--nobody better. Out there...it's different. You twisted your ankle stepping over a curb on Madison Avenue.
+I've been following this guy for years. I'm your best shot.	How would you approach him? Hello, Mr. MacDougal, I'm Gin, would you steal a painting with me?
+How would you approach him? Hello, Mr. MacDougal, I'm Gin, would you steal a painting with me?	I'd need an introduction. From someone he trusts. Someone who owes us a favor.
+That's doable.	And a target guaranteed to catch his interest.
+And a target guaranteed to catch his interest.	Which you have in mind.
+You don't call, you don't write.	This was my first excuse to get away. I can't exactly use my cell phone.
+This was my first excuse to get away. I can't exactly use my cell phone.	Yeah yeah yeah. What's the status?
+Yeah yeah yeah. What's the status?	We're getting close.
+We're getting close.	How close?
+How close?	I don't know, but close.
+I don't know, but close.	This is dangerous. I'm sending backup.
+This is dangerous. I'm sending backup.	You, want to blow the whole thing, go right ahead.
+You, want to blow the whole thing, go right ahead.	Don't overestimate yourself.
+Don't overestimate yourself.	Look, trust me. I know what I'm doing.
+Look, trust me. I know what I'm doing.	Where are you at least?
+Where are you at least?	I'll send you a postcard. Got to go.
+Gin? Where the hell are you?	I'm in the middle.
+I'm in the middle.	In the middle? You've got the Mask, why don't we have him?
+In the middle? You've got the Mask, why don't we have him?	He's on to something bigger.
+He's on to something bigger.	Listen to me. Whatever you're doing, stop. Pull out.
+Listen to me. Whatever you're doing, stop. Pull out.	Too late now.
+Too late now.	Tell me where you are, or just leave the line open so I can trace you.
+Tell me where you are, or just leave the line open so I can trace you.	I'm going to get him, I promise you.
+I have a question...	Who am I?
+Who am I?	That is of no interest.
+Why are we speaking Chinese?	Uh. I'm showing off.
+Uh. I'm showing off.	A billion people speak Chinese. Don't be too impressed with yourself. As for that scroll, I can resell it for double. In 30 minutes.
+A billion people speak Chinese. Don't be too impressed with yourself. As for that scroll, I can resell it for double. In 30 minutes.	No you can't.
+No you can't.	I can't?
+I can't?	It's sold.
+How about if I try humility.	How about if you try disappearing.
+Mr. MacDougal.	You're like malaria. Once you get it, you can't get rid of it.
+I'm sorry about the scroll, but sometimes you have to lose to win.	Where did you hear that, one of those American talk shows?  Check, please.
+Where did you hear that, one of those American talk shows?  Check, please.	I don't want to waste your time.
+I don't want to waste your time.	Then don't.
+Then don't.	I have a proposal for you.
+Believe me, if you weren't so tiresome, I'd have one for you.	Something of great value, something of such artistic and historic significance that only you could truly appreciate...
+You have a car?	Uh, yes.
+Uh, yes.	Meet me in front. Five minutes.
+Seems I am.	I'll call an ambulance.
+I'll call an ambulance.	It's nothing serious. I'll just run into that building. They'll have some sort of first aid kit.
+You disappeared.	You seemed to be handling everything quite nicely.
+You seemed to be handling everything quite nicely.	Are you...okay?
+Are you...okay?	It was only a scratch. Far more damaging to my trousers than to me.
+It was only a scratch. Far more damaging to my trousers than to me.	That's good. Terrific.
+I don't care about the damned car. My luggage's been stolen.	You're joking.  You can't trust anyone these days.
+Yes. But they don't have a clue.  Why would anyone steal my luggage?	Maybe the thief thought you had something valuable. You are in the business, that's what Roki says.
+Maybe the thief thought you had something valuable. You are in the business, that's what Roki says.	Like I would have art in my suitcase.
+Like I would have art in my suitcase.	Of course you wouldn't. The Rembrandt wouldn't fit.
+Of course you wouldn't. The Rembrandt wouldn't fit.	Excuse me?
+I've got something...	I sincerely hope so.
+You're not taking me seriously.	Oh, I'm taking you...quite seriously.
+I didn't expect you to be so...	So what?
+So what?	So alive.
+Do you mind?	You...you can't.
+You...you can't.	Of course I can. I have a note from mother.
+You're shaking. Are you nervous?	No. Why would I be?
+No. Why would I be?	Because you young Americans think the world began when you were born. You fall apart when you don't get your own way.
+I've got something for you.	Oh, that's quite all right. No charge.
+And I thought we were getting on so well.	We were, we are, but this is perfect for you.
+We were, we are, but this is perfect for you.	Not interested.
+Are you under the impression that now I'm in some way obligated to you?	Well, no...but...
+Well, no...but...	Good. I'll call the concierge. They can get you a new room, book your flight home, so forth.
+For God's sake.	I'm sorry. This just means so much to me.
+The Empress Death Mask.	The most important piece of Chinese art outside of China.
+Somewhat better than that temple scroll you were bidding on.	That old pirate Chiang Kai Shek personally took this to Taiwan when he was run out of China in 1949. Peking would dearly love to have this back...
+That old pirate Chiang Kai Shek personally took this to Taiwan when he was run out of China in 1949. Peking would dearly love to have this back...	I suspected it might be worthy of your interest.
+I suspected it might be worthy of your interest.	It's not for sale.
+I know.	So you've heard all those stories about me. Well, I can assure you they're not true. And if they were true, I've retired.
+But Roki said--	Roki has a vivid imagination.
+Roki has a vivid imagination.	Besides, if I lacked certain ethical scruples about the ownership of property--which I do not--I wouldn't need a partner, much less a callow girl. I'd do it myself.
+Besides, if I lacked certain ethical scruples about the ownership of property--which I do not--I wouldn't need a partner, much less a callow girl. I'd do it myself.	You can't.
+You can't.	Oh?
+Oh?	It's only on exhibit at the Queen's Museum this month. Even if you could get into the museum, the Mask bas its own security system. A special, randomly programmed interval code.
+We going somewhere?	Possibly.
+Possibly.	Maybe I should drive this time.
+Maybe I should drive this time.	Maybe you should go buy yourself some clothes.
+Very nice.	Not a word.
+You want me to pick up a painting?	Quite a good one. A Monet. Not major, but it is Giverney.
+Quite a good one. A Monet. Not major, but it is Giverney.	I'm not here to run errands. I'm here for the Mask.
+I'm not here to run errands. I'm here for the Mask.	If I can't trust you to pick up a painting, how can I trust you about the Mask?
+It's a test.	That's my girl.
+Fine. What do I do?	It's simple. You pick up the painting, you pay for it with this debit card.
+How much am I paying?	I'm paying...one point five million and change. I hate round numbers.
+It's a fake.	Give him the card.
+Give him the card.	But--
+But--	Can you follow simple directions?
+I'm telling you it's a forgery. The paint's still wet for God's sake.	Look on the back. What do you see?
+A film case.	That's what you're buying. Put it in your pocket.
+He says they turned the card down.	Damn, I knew I forgot something.
+Damn, I knew I forgot something.	Not funny.
+What the hell do I do now?	Up to you. You could tell him the check is in the mail.
+What the hell was that?	Not bad. I didn't expect you to make it out.
+Not bad. I didn't expect you to make it out.	You what--?
+Motorcycle.	Got it.
+It's one way.	We're only going one way.
+We're going to die, aren't we...	I'm not the one to ask...
+What about your bags?	I never carry...baggage.
+Those are my clothes.	Certainly not mine. Come on.
+You stole my luggage? You--	I'm a thief. Sue me.
+I'm a thief. Sue me.	Where's my bag?
+That's entrapment.	No. Entrapment is what cops do to robbers.
+I don't believe this.	What's your problem? I'm doing the job.
+What's your problem? I'm doing the job.	What's my problem? You want a list?
+What's my problem? You want a list?	You really don't believe I'd take on a partner after all these years without a little...insurance?
+Lose something?	I'm just curious what sort of security system you'd have in your own house.
+I'm just curious what sort of security system you'd have in your own house.	And--
+And--	I'm impressed. Can't spot a thing.
+I'm impressed. Can't spot a thing.	Hmmm. I'd be surprised if you could.
+Nothing? You don't even lock the door?	I guess I have a more optimistic view of human nature than you do.
+Why are we in separate--you know, separate rooms?	My job, my rules. We've got a job to do. No mixing business and pleasure.
+You're late.	I'm dressed.
+And good morning.	Good morning.
+Good morning.	Nice spot.
+Nice spot.	It is.  Coffee and fruitloops or whatever you eat in the kitchen. We'll start in twenty minutes.
+I know it well.	As I recall, you've robbed it before.
+As I recall, you've robbed it before.	Years ago, if memory serves. When does the exhibit end?
+Years ago, if memory serves. When does the exhibit end?	In a week.
+Only a week?	They're having a farewell party the last night. Before the Mask goes back to Taiwan.
+They're having a farewell party the last night. Before the Mask goes back to Taiwan.	That's when we'll do it. And we'll need every single day.
+So the Duke dug a tunnel--just in case. They made the lake a hundred years later. Flooded the tunnel.	We go underwater?
+We? Are you implying that I'm taking you inside?	We're doing this together. We're partners.
+We're doing this together. We're partners.	Precisely. You give me the Mask security code, I steal the Mask, you get a finders fee. At ten percent, should be two or three million at least. Not too bad.
+I go in alone.	You don't get the Mask code unless I go.
+Pack up. I'll see you get back to London.	Look, I can help. You need a sensor expert. You've got one.
+Look, I can help. You need a sensor expert. You've got one.	This isn't some Picasso print you steal out of a car dealer's rec room.
+You don't have any idea how lucky you are!	A lifelong problem, I'm afraid.
+A lifelong problem, I'm afraid.	No, dammit! I mean me! That Rembrandt...that Rembrandt!
+Nice try. Everyone thinks I did.	That's because I wanted them to!
+That's because I wanted them to!	I wondered who'd been giving me a bad name.
+I wondered who'd been giving me a bad name.	I drilled the bolts and went in through the window. It was the only way to bypass the smart glass.
+I drilled the bolts and went in through the window. It was the only way to bypass the smart glass.	True enough.
+True enough.	You need a partner for this job. You'll never find one as good as me.
+The Rembrandt--that was quite good.	It was perfect.
+Someone was expecting that.	You're too easily impressed with yourself. I believe I've made that point before.
+I'll need that.	No one needs anything except food and shelter. The rest we just want.
+No one needs anything except food and shelter. The rest we just want.	This isn't a good time to hear your personal philosophy.
+Don't worry, I can get rid of this. No trace. And I'll even go fifty fifty, we're partners aren't we?	No. It's a down payment.
+On what? Another job?	We get the Mask I'll tell you.
+We get the Mask I'll tell you.	A partner with secrets isn't much of a partner.
+A partner with secrets isn't much of a partner.	Without the Mask it doesn't matter.
+Without the Mask it doesn't matter.	So the Mask is part of the down payment too. Must be a really big job.
+So the Mask is part of the down payment too. Must be a really big job.	Let's just see how we do.
+So you're testing me now?	Oh, I think you can do it. Probably.
+Why don't we take oxygen?	We are...for the tools.
+Let's do it again.	Try laps. Say a hundred.
+Did I hear a car?	Our equipment has arrived.
+Our equipment has arrived.	Hmmm.
+All this, this is a woman's version of what you would like.	It was a long time ago.
+I didn't mean to get personal.	Yes you did.
+So how long to pop the floor?	Twenty four seconds--as long as it takes the clock to strike twelve.
+Twenty four seconds--as long as it takes the clock to strike twelve.	And you've checked the ram to be sure it's synchronized with the clock.
+And you've checked the ram to be sure it's synchronized with the clock.	A dozen times.
+A dozen times.	The lipstick thermal camera?
+Got it.	Charged?
+Charged?	Charged. Receiver?
+That's it. We're ready.	One more item--not on the check list.
+I trust it's your size.	It's---beautiful.
+You bought this for me?	Don't get any ideas. Of course it comes out of your share.
+Thank you.	Thank you.
+No, no, I want to. I'll just go into the village.	It's not a village. There's nothing there.
+Won't take any time.	Straight down the drive, right at the hedgerow, follow the lane. Don't blink, you'll miss it.
+Certainly the most beautiful crook I've ever seen.	I've got something for you.
+Aren't we early?	Little celebration before we set off.
+To us. To the Mask.	To our...partnership.
+You're nervous again.	When I was a girl my father took me to the edge of El Capitan. Three thousand feet of granite. Straight down. I was so scared my mouth was full of cotton. I couldn't talk, just stood there shivering...like this.
+When I was a girl my father took me to the edge of El Capitan. Three thousand feet of granite. Straight down. I was so scared my mouth was full of cotton. I couldn't talk, just stood there shivering...like this.	You were afraid of heights?
+You were afraid of heights?	Terrified. Still am.
+Terrified. Still am.	How in the devil did you do the Rembrandt then?
+How in the devil did you do the Rembrandt then?	I had a lifeline. If I've got a lifeline, I'm okay.
+I had a lifeline. If I've got a lifeline, I'm okay.	Aren't we all.
+Aren't we all.	My father told me not to be afraid. He'd always be there for me.
+He wasn't.	So you had to be your own lifeline.
+So you had to be your own lifeline.	Something like that.
+And--	He pulled back his arms and blam, I landed right on the floor. I picked myself up, tears in my eyes, and he looked at me and he said, Son, don't ever trust anybody. Anybody.
+Camera in the--	Bookshelf. Sensors--
+Bookshelf. Sensors--	Popup, on floorboards. And--
+Popup, on floorboards. And--	In eye of that painting.
+We're working.	It's a party.
+It's a party.	Let's mingle a little, shall we?
+One, two, three...	You're not on the beat.
+Don't turn. I'm counting the steps to the entrance.	These rooms are solid stone. They haven't changed.
+These rooms are solid stone. They haven't changed.	You can't be too careful.
+You can't be too careful.	Yes, you can.  You can spoil a perfectly nice dance.
+Ready?	Ready.
+Can you see the other PIRs?	Got it.
+They moved it.	Behind you.
+Be careful not to break the laser beams.	Duh.
+Careful...careful.	Shut up.
+We did it.	The Mask.
+Now's when you tell me who you really are.	What?
+You're playing both sides of the street. You're going to keep the Mask and turn me in.	No, no, please God, you're wrong. I'm a thief. Just like you.
+Okay, you're a thief.	Yes. Yes.
+Yes. Yes.	What do I need a thief for? I've got the Mask.
+STOP! You're making...mistake.	It's your mistake.
+It's your mistake.	The big job.
+The big job.	There is no big job.
+What?	A billion dollars.
+Your share.	Get the hell in.
+We're living history here.	You don't know the half of it.
+I like banks.  That's where the money is.	Speaking of money. You said billions. How many?
+If you want a partner, I think you should recalculate the split.	Okay, 80-20--
+No, really, it's your plan, you should get at least 30 per cent--	My eighty, your twenty, smart guy--
+My eighty, your twenty, smart guy--	It's fifty-fifty, less the cost of the dress.
+Come on, what can you do with six billion you can't do with four?	Hold the record. Alone.
+Hmmm...44 long.	I always knew you'd do the job.
+You've got everything planned.	Everything.
+I'll need the Rembrandt now.	Sure, it's only worth 25 million or so, don't bother telling me what you're going to do with it.
+Sure, it's only worth 25 million or so, don't bother telling me what you're going to do with it.	I told you. It's the down payment. And thanks to you it's overdue.
+Insidious thing, wondering if your partner...has another partner.	Okay, look, I'm delivering this to a man who's going to give us the key to our job. But it's pointless to try to explain it yet. You just have to trust me. I don't have any more secrets.
+Okay, look, I'm delivering this to a man who's going to give us the key to our job. But it's pointless to try to explain it yet. You just have to trust me. I don't have any more secrets.	Everyone has secrets, it's what makes us human.
+Idle hands, the devil's workshop.	There's food in the fridge. I won't be long.
+The Mask. Where is it?	You took the Rembrandt, I figured it was a fair trade.
+Do you know what you've done!? Do you know?	Would you quiet down! Just for a minute?
+Oh my god, I thought--	I'd taken the Mask?
+What about the rules?	My job, my rules.
+Well...What are we doing?	You're being useless. I'm making us rich.
+Currency data so we can do optimum conversions at the moment of transfer.	Transfer.
+Transfer.	The eight billion. From them to us.
+The eight billion. From them to us.	Right. The eight billion.
+What's that?	Guest lists of every A-list party on turnover night. They'd be handy to disappear into, so we're invited to all of them.
+Peoples China Bank.	Where the money is.
+It's taken me five years at Webber Insurance, nights, weekends, every spare minute, to make this CD. It has all the necessary instructions and confirmation codes to tell their computer to transfer reasonably modest sums out of thousands of those accounts, two, or three million at a crack. Total, eight billion and change.	And the money goes--
+And the money goes--	Every wire transfer gets rocketed through a series of multiple switches. As soon as each deposit lands somewhere, it's shot somewhere else. It ends up so clean the Mafia couldn't find it.
+Every wire transfer gets rocketed through a series of multiple switches. As soon as each deposit lands somewhere, it's shot somewhere else. It ends up so clean the Mafia couldn't find it.	But those instructions, they're recorded in the computer.
+But those instructions, they're recorded in the computer.	Nope. The CD instructs the computer to replace those instructions with an innocuous loan coded XJ-6.
+Nope. The CD instructs the computer to replace those instructions with an innocuous loan coded XJ-6.	A parting gift from the Empire.
+A parting gift from the Empire.	Sit down, I'll show you how we're going to do it.
+The oscilloscope's already programmed.	It's no good without the argon gas.
+Got it.	Then the vault, how to get in the vault, that's stumping me.
+Then the vault, how to get in the vault, that's stumping me.	That's where the Mask comes in.
+That's where the Mask comes in.	You've thought of everything.
+So how long till we do this?	We're doing it tonight.
+You can't be serious.	That's the beauty of it. There's only one tiny window of time when this will work. At the handover of Hong Kong--from Britain to China. The handover from them to us.
+That's the beauty of it. There's only one tiny window of time when this will work. At the handover of Hong Kong--from Britain to China. The handover from them to us.	You're out of your mind. We can't do a job like this with no rehearsal.
+You're out of your mind. We can't do a job like this with no rehearsal.	There's no way to practice this. And no time. Besides, I've planned it all. There aren't any surprises.
+There's no way to practice this. And no time. Besides, I've planned it all. There aren't any surprises.	There's always a surprise.
+There's always a surprise.	I've covered everything. And you're the best, so--
+I've covered everything. And you're the best, so--	You're overestimating yourself again. What's worse, this time you're overestimating me.
+You're overestimating yourself again. What's worse, this time you're overestimating me.	Look, there's a video security system to bypass, that's the only hard part. You've done that a dozen times.
+Look, there's a video security system to bypass, that's the only hard part. You've done that a dozen times.	For God's sake, the only way I can get from one elevator to the other is to jump.
+For God's sake, the only way I can get from one elevator to the other is to jump.	Feeling old?
+How do I look?	Like a woman of mystery.
+Access codes to the vault are changed daily, passwords for our computer on the hour...	Can't be too careful.
+Can't be too careful.	Two men in the world don't need passwords or codes. Their retinas will scan to unlock everything. one of those two men is the chairman of the bank.
+Two men in the world don't need passwords or codes. Their retinas will scan to unlock everything. one of those two men is the chairman of the bank.	Let me guess. His retinal plate is in there.
+Pulse detectors.	Charged.
+Charged.	Parachute.
+Parachute.	Packed.
+Done.  And I assume you have the magic CD- ROM?	Surgically attached.
+No way to take another day or two?	No. You'll see when we get inside.
+You shouldn't have.	Can't break tradition. It's bad luck.
+Can't break tradition. It's bad luck.	There is one more thing.
+You have something in mind?	Call it a new tradition.
+That was a lifetime ago.	It was wrong to deceive you.
+It was wrong to deceive you.	But that's all behind us now.
+But would you--would you--	Have really held you under?
+Of course not. It was just a negotiating ploy.	Nothing like fear of drowning to focus your attention.
+Nothing like fear of drowning to focus your attention.	I'm sorry.
+So what are you going to do with your share?	Oh, I don't care about the money.
+Oh, I don't care about the money.	Four billion dollars.
+Four billion dollars.	Seen one billion, seen them all.
+Seen one billion, seen them all.	That's because you grew up rich.
+That's because you grew up rich.	A flaw in your research, my dear. I grew up chewing shoe leather for breakfast.
+Not for me.	What? Another job? Stealing the Eiffel Tower?
+I'm going to disappear. I die in a car crash in Taiwan. Very easy to do.	They drive so recklessly there.
+They drive so recklessly there.	I'm leaving from the Nathan Road Station at 6:30 tomorrow morning. You could come too.
+The sign of our partnership.	Brought us luck once, maybe it will again.
+And when, eventually, everyone discovers what transaction XJ6 was really about...	China will think it happened before midnight. Britain will swear it happened after midnight...
+China will think it happened before midnight. Britain will swear it happened after midnight...	They'll each be positive the other guy did it.  I fear an ugly international incident.
+Jesus God, it's going through.	Hong Kong midnight, happy new year. Except at China Bank.
+Relax, don't jam it...	FUCKING THING!!!
+Don't panic, now, there's no rush...	We can't leave it IN THERE, it's got all our accounts, everything that can NAIL us to a goddam CROSS!!!
+MOVE IT, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING F...	The disc is still in there.
+The disc is still in there.	We can't help it, we...we've gotta...
+The door's the only way out!	I sincerely hope not.
+Jesus.	You can do it.
+Come on.	No way.
+No way.	Go!
+Hang on.	Get out of here!
+I cannot get rid of you.	No, you can't.
+Put this on!	I'm not leaving without you.
+What's wrong.	Nothing is wrong. Everything is the way it has to be. In my left coat pocket is a packet. Passports, hotel reservations, tickets.
+Take the airport subway, but change at Jordan Station for Kowloon Tong.	But--
+But--	It's only ninety seconds up the line. You're on a connection to a trans Siberian express.
+It's only ninety seconds up the line. You're on a connection to a trans Siberian express.	What about you?
+You have the right to remain silent. But anything you say may be taken down in evidence and used against you--	My god--
+--You're a cop.	Both sides of the street, I'm afraid.
+He looks familiar.	That would be Thibadeaux. The cop I work for every now and then. Catching thieves. The really good ones--the ones who imitate me.
+They've been on to you all along. Knew you had a big job going.	You gave them the eight billion.
+You gave them the eight billion.	You mean the seven billion.
+A true master. Classic, yet extremely sexual, don't you think?	We need to make the trade tomorrow.
+We need to make the trade tomorrow.	Always in a rush.
+Always in a rush.	You should know, when I come back here with the Mask--if anything goes wrong, a detailed description of everything you've done goes to the PRC.
+You should know, when I come back here with the Mask--if anything goes wrong, a detailed description of everything you've done goes to the PRC.	Gin, really.
+Gin, really.	Tomorrow. It has to be tomorrow. Or forget the Mask.
+I'm not real big on collecting banged up Ferraris at airports.	Next time I'll use valet parking.
+They work off the O2 tank just like the slice pack.	Which is--
+Which is--	In the van.
+In the van.	Tina was a wonderful woman.
+Tina was a wonderful woman.	Don't go getting sentimental. You're no damn good at it.
+I'd give you a hand but it wouldn't look good.	Yeah, the lord of the manor doesn't haul his own groceries.
+Yeah, the lord of the manor doesn't haul his own groceries.	And you do it so well.
+The porta power...comm kits...got the IR/Thermo camera?	Had to get a liquid plasma screen.
+Had to get a liquid plasma screen.	The key to success is using the right tools.
+The key to success is using the right tools.	You're not the one trying to get all this shit. You think they've just got a Crooks R Us on every corner?
+You're not the one trying to get all this shit. You think they've just got a Crooks R Us on every corner?	We're going to need a vacuum with a battery pack for the dust. The air filters might be wired. And a bypass hose for the AC.
+We're going to need a vacuum with a battery pack for the dust. The air filters might be wired. And a bypass hose for the AC.	Sure wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable.
+Sure wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable.	If we don't bypass it, the temperature in the Mask room will change and set off the alarm. That would be inconvenient.
+If we don't bypass it, the temperature in the Mask room will change and set off the alarm. That would be inconvenient.	Inconvenient is trying to find a pulsing laser with magic arms in two days.
+Inconvenient is trying to find a pulsing laser with magic arms in two days.	You are a miracle worker.
+We might not want to cash in our chips just yet. She has another job after this one. A big one.	This is big enough.
+This is big enough.	It's never big enough.
+Let me ask you, this Mask, when they made it--was the old bitch dead or alive?	It's a death mask. Death mask means dead.
+Right.	Because I never assume anything.
+Because I never assume anything.	I need you to get one more thing for me. A dress, elegant but sexy, something Grace Kelly would wear. Maybe a Balenciaga.
+I need you to get one more thing for me. A dress, elegant but sexy, something Grace Kelly would wear. Maybe a Balenciaga.	That's it, I sure as hell ain't no personal shopper.
+That's it, I sure as hell ain't no personal shopper.	Black of course.
+I'd say she's a size 6 who wears a size 4.	This better be worth 1t.
+Oh, it is.	It better be worth it for me.
+I said a masked ball, not a costume party.	How the hell I'm supposed to know the damn difference?
+How the hell I'm supposed to know the damn difference?	You look like George Washington.
+You look like George Washington.	I cannot tell you a goddamned lie. She's selling you a pig in a poke. We better do this tonight.
+I cannot tell you a goddamned lie. She's selling you a pig in a poke. We better do this tonight.	It's too soon.
+It's too soon.	The early bird gets the damn worm.
+The early bird gets the damn worm.	But the second mouse gets the cheese.
+So patience, Thibeau, patience. Trust me.	Remind me why.
+Remind me why.	Because it pays off.
+You two make quite a couple.	We're supposed to.
+We're supposed to.	You better not be taking on a new partner.
+You better not be taking on a new partner.	Suspicious, after all these years?
+Suspicious, after all these years?	You change partners, you change the rules.
+Oh, look at me, darling. I thought this gentleman was a waiter.	You damn well thought wrong.
+You damn well thought wrong.	I'm terribly sorry old man.
+Tonight your league night?	Check out my ball.
+Doesn't look like much. How come those Commos want it so bad?	It's not just art, it's history. Something you Americans don't care about--because you haven't got any.
+It's not just art, it's history. Something you Americans don't care about--because you haven't got any.	That's because we live in the future. Which is what's on my mind.
+This is just show and tell.	I'm waiting for the tell part.
+I'm waiting for the tell part.	She's calling the shots now.
+She's calling the shots now.	You're impressed with her, aren't you?
+You're impressed with her, aren't you?	She's good. Give her that. Almost as good as she thinks she is.
+She's good. Give her that. Almost as good as she thinks she is.	She reminds you of yourself. There's nobody you admire more.
+My antenna is up, it is fully extended, and I am picking up...what is it? It is, can it be? The boy is in el, u, v.	It's never happened before. What makes you think it's happening now?
+It's never happened before. What makes you think it's happening now?	You better be keeping your mind on business. It's not just me you got to worry about. I've got some very unpleasant folks looking over my shoulder.
+You better be keeping your mind on business. It's not just me you got to worry about. I've got some very unpleasant folks looking over my shoulder.	You know where my loyalties lie.
+You know where my loyalties lie.	To yourself, that's where.
+You'll just have to have faith.	Faith is angels dancing on the head of a pin. I got to have trust.
+Faith is angels dancing on the head of a pin. I got to have trust.	She won't tell me everything. It's a bank job, that's all I know.
+Thirty-five next generation microchips. Copper, not silicon. Value: one million each.	You're giving them to me?
+You're giving them to me?	Call it an expression of trust.
+Call it an expression of trust.	Thought you had to use some of these.
+Thought you had to use some of these.	You don't really think I'd leave ten million dollars worth of our chips in her bag?  What matters isn't what's real. It's what we think is real--what matters is the art.
+Take this mask. It may look like the Empress, but it's not.	I figured that out.
+I figured that out.	The face decays, the mask doesn't. Art lasts, we don't. That's why art's so valuable. It's a little piece of immortality.
+The face decays, the mask doesn't. Art lasts, we don't. That's why art's so valuable. It's a little piece of immortality.	You got a real problem with priorities, you know that?
+You got a real problem with priorities, you know that?	I really don't think that's a topic on which you have much to offer.
+I really don't think that's a topic on which you have much to offer.	Did I ever tell you what Tina wrote? The night she died?
+My friend, you always surprise me.	We wear so many goddam masks after a while they get stuck to our faces, you know? And they don't come off. But when you find the one person who really knows you, and then you lose her...
+Takes a lot out of you, one like this.	Yes it does.
+Yes it does.	I been meaning to tell you, far as I'm concerned you're over the hill.
+See you.	Probably not.
+Probably not.	Yeah. Probably not.
+... what we do in here is keep track of all the case files.  That way, at any time, we can find out a case's status -- where it is in the office, stuff like that.  We file 'em all here, alphabetically --	Oh, hell.  I'm dyslexic.
+Oh, hell.  I'm dyslexic.	That's a joke, right?
+Anna?  With this real-estate valuing stuff - - could you remind me, cause I'm a little confused about how exactly we do that.	Erin, you've been here three weeks.  If you don't know how to do your job by now, I am not about to do it for you.
+Where've you been?	What the fuck did you do with my stuff?
+What the fuck did you do with my stuff?	Don't use language with me --
+Um, Erin?  Listen.  Even though you're not necessarily my favorite person in the world ...  ... sometimes you're not half-bad.	I'm gonna assume that was meant as a compliment, Anna, and just say thank you.
+250,000?	In terms of land value out in Hinkley, Mr. Masry, we feel it's a more than fair price.
+In terms of land value out in Hinkley, Mr. Masry, we feel it's a more than fair price.	What about in terms of medical expenses? 250,000 doesn't come close to what this family's gonna have to spend on doctors.
+What about in terms of medical expenses? 250,000 doesn't come close to what this family's gonna have to spend on doctors.	I understand they've had a bad run of luck, health-wise, and they have my sympathies. But that's not PG&E's fault.
+I understand they've had a bad run of luck, health-wise, and they have my sympathies. But that's not PG&E's fault.	You're kidding, right?  Look at these readings for Christ's sake. PG&E's own technicians documented toxic levels of hexavalent chromium in those test wells, on numerous occasions.
+A million things could have caused those problems.  Poor diet, bad genes, irresponsible lifestyle.  Our offer is final and more than fair.	Wait a minute -- I thought we were negotiating here.
+Wait a minute -- I thought we were negotiating here.	250,000 is all I'm authorized to offer.
+Mr. Masry, before you go off on some crusade, you might want to remember who it is you're dealing with here.  PG&E is a 28- billion dollar corporation.	Thanks.  I'll keep it in mind.
+Tell you what, why don't you go on over to reception, tell them I said Mario should take you to the airport.	Hey, excellent.  Thanks.
+Tony Marvin.	Oh, Jesus.  Who's responsible for his pain and suffering this time?
+Oh, Jesus.  Who's responsible for his pain and suffering this time?	His dry cleaners.  You want him?
+His dry cleaners.  You want him?	What do you think?  What's this?
+Tequila.  From your drug dealer friend.	Carlos isn't a friend; he's a client.
+Carlos isn't a friend; he's a client.	He's a low-life.  Speaking of which, that's your nine o'clock in there.
+Whoa.  Remind me.	Erin Brockovich.  Car accident.  Not her fault, she says.  And she looks like such an honest girl, don't you think?
+Erin Brockovich.  Car accident.  Not her fault, she says.  And she looks like such an honest girl, don't you think?	You shouldn't judge, Brenda.
+You shouldn't judge, Brenda.	Right.  Lap-dancers are people too.
+What the hell is this doing here?	It's those files you asked for.
+It's those files you asked for.	I didn't mean for you to leave them in the middle of the floor.  Jesus.  Look at me. What do I have this afternoon?
+I didn't mean for you to leave them in the middle of the floor.  Jesus.  Look at me. What do I have this afternoon?	Nothing you can't show up for with a stain.
+What's she doing here?	Who?
+Fax these to this number, okay?	All of 'em?
+All of 'em?	All of them.
+Seventeen thousand in debt.  Whew.  Is your ex-husband helping out?	Which one?
+Which one?	There's more than one?
+There's more than one?	Yeah.  There's two.  Why?
+So.  You must've been feeling pretty desperate that afternoon.	What's your point?
+What?  Hey -- he hit me.	So you say.
+So you say.	He came tearing around the corner, out of control --
+He came tearing around the corner, out of control --	An ER doctor who spends his days saving lives was the one out of control --
+An ER doctor who spends his days saving lives was the one out of control --	That asshole smashed in my fucking neck!
+Meningitis?  What the hell is meningitis?	It's an inflammation of the spinal cord and part of the brain.
+It's an inflammation of the spinal cord and part of the brain.	Jesus.
+Jesus.	She must be a tough cookie, cause it's a pretty advanced case.  I'd say she's been walking around with it for a few weeks now.
+She must be a tough cookie, cause it's a pretty advanced case.  I'd say she's been walking around with it for a few weeks now.	How does someone get meningitis?
+How does someone get meningitis?	Usually, in adults, it's from exposure to bacteria or a virus or ...
+Usually, in adults, it's from exposure to bacteria or a virus or ...	... or lemme guess -- toxic waste?
+Hi.  Donna Irving?	Yes?
+Yes?	I'm Erin Brockovich, from Masry & Vititoe?
+I'm Erin Brockovich, from Masry & Vititoe?	You're a lawyer?
+You're a lawyer?	Hell, no.  I hate lawyers.  I just work for them.  You got a minute?
+This is a real nice place you got here.	Well it oughta be, with all the work I put into it.
+I added air conditioning, put in the pool, made all those pillows by hand ...	Yeah?  I should learn to do stuff like that. They make the place feel real homey.
+Thank you.  I think so too.  That's why I'm being such a stickler on this house price thing.  I don't mean to be a pain in PG&E's backside, especially after all they've done for Hinkley, but I look around here and I think, if they want this place, they're gonna have to pay for it.  And I don't just mean pay for the house; I'd like them to pay me for the trouble of starting over.	Right.
+Right.	Cause first you gotta move, then there's decorating, and if the windows aren't the same size, you know -- you're making all new curtains.  Honest to God, I don't know if I have the energy.  You know, I've been sick. Me and Peter both have.
+Cause first you gotta move, then there's decorating, and if the windows aren't the same size, you know -- you're making all new curtains.  Honest to God, I don't know if I have the energy.  You know, I've been sick. Me and Peter both have.	Yeah, I'm real glad you brought that up.  I was going through your file here, and I ran into these medical records.  They kinda surprised me --
+I know.  They're more than a bit unusual. See, two years ago, Pete got Hodgkin's disease.  That's a kind of cancer --	Yeah, I'm real sorry to hear that.
+Yeah, I'm real sorry to hear that.	Thank you.  It's in remission now, thank the Lord, but you never know.  And then while that's going on, I end up having to have a hysterectomy.  Plus a whole mess of lumps removed from my breasts.  All benign so far, but still, no matter how positive you stay, an operation can still take it out of you.
+Thank you.  It's in remission now, thank the Lord, but you never know.  And then while that's going on, I end up having to have a hysterectomy.  Plus a whole mess of lumps removed from my breasts.  All benign so far, but still, no matter how positive you stay, an operation can still take it out of you.	I'll say.  Holy moley.
+I'll say.  Holy moley.	So the whole idea of selling the house -- don't get me wrong, I'd be glad to move to some better place, but if they aren't gonna pay us properly, I just don't see the point.
+So the whole idea of selling the house -- don't get me wrong, I'd be glad to move to some better place, but if they aren't gonna pay us properly, I just don't see the point.	Yeah, I can see that.  I guess the only thing that confused me is - - not that your medical problems aren't important, but -- how come the files about them are in with all the real estate stuff?
+Are you kidding?  With how our lives are, if I start subdividing files, I'll be sunk.  I just kept all PG&E correspondence in one place.	Right, but -- I'm sorry, I don't see why you were corresponding with PG&E about it in the first place.
+Right, but -- I'm sorry, I don't see why you were corresponding with PG&E about it in the first place.	Well, they paid for the doctor's visit.
+Well, they paid for the doctor's visit.	They did?
+They did?	You bet.  Paid for a check-up for the whole family.  And not like with insurance where you pay, then wait a year to be reimbursed, either.  They just took care of it.  Just like that.  We never even saw a bill.
+You bet.  Paid for a check-up for the whole family.  And not like with insurance where you pay, then wait a year to be reimbursed, either.  They just took care of it.  Just like that.  We never even saw a bill.	Wow.  Why would they do that?
+Wow.  Why would they do that?	Cause of the chromium.
+Cause of the chromium.	The what?
+The what?	The chromium.  Well, that's what kicked this whole thing off.
+What's chromium?	It's a chemical they used over at that compressor station up the road there.
+It's a chemical they used over at that compressor station up the road there.	Well, hell, maybe that's why you all have been so sick --
+Well, hell, maybe that's why you all have been so sick --	I thought the same thing, right off the bat. That's why we went to see the doctor.  But hunh-uh.  Turns out one's got nothing to do with the other.
+Seems like an awful big coincidence -- your water being messed with and you being so sick.	Not around here.  This is a rough part of the world.  Hard times, not a lot of money, not a lot of luck.  It's a challenge, staying healthy in a town like this.  Heck, even our dogs up and die.
+An on-site monitoring well?  That means --	It was right up on the PG&E property over there.
+It was right up on the PG&E property over there.	And you say this stuff, this hexavalent chromium -- it's poisonous?
+And you say this stuff, this hexavalent chromium -- it's poisonous?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Well -- then it's gotta be a different than what's in our water, cause ours is okay. The guys from PG&E told me.  They sat right in the kitchen and said it was fine.
+Well -- then it's gotta be a different than what's in our water, cause ours is okay. The guys from PG&E told me.  They sat right in the kitchen and said it was fine.	I know.  But the toxicologist I been talking to?  He gave me a list of problems that can come from hexavalent chromium exposure. And everything you all have is on that list.
+No.  Hunh-uh, see, that's not what the doctor said.  He said one's got absolutely nothing to do with the other.	Right, but -- didn't you say he was paid by PG&E?
+Sure wish I had longer to get used to the idea.  You think if you got no uterus, and no breasts, you're still technically a woman?	Sure you are.  You're just a happier woman, cause you don't have to deal with maxi-pads and underwire.
+You wouldn't happen to have a little time right now, would you, Donna?	For what?
+For what?	Well, I was gonna head over to the Browns now.  I was thinking -- Mandy really values your opinion ...
+It's a good day.  I feel good.	Well, then -- if you're feeling up to it, maybe we should talk shop.
+The judge came up with a number.	A number for the whole group, or for us?
+A number for the whole group, or for us?	Both.
+Oh, my God.	And he's making them give five million of it to you all.
+And he's making them give five million of it to you all.	Five million dollars?
+Five million dollars?	Five million dollars.
+I don't even know how much money that is.	It's enough -- for whatever you need, for whatever your girls need, for whatever your girls' girls need -- it'll be enough.
+I can put them in a good school.	Any school you want.
+Any school you want.	And get someone to help around the house.
+And get someone to help around the house.	Yup.
+Yup.	Oh my God.  Oh my God.
+They took some bone from my hip and put it in my neck.  I didn't have insurance, so I'm about seventeen thousand in debt right now.	... couldn't take painkillers cause they made me too groggy to take care of my kids.
+... couldn't take painkillers cause they made me too groggy to take care of my kids.	... Matthew's six, Katie's four, and Beth's just nine months.
+... Matthew's six, Katie's four, and Beth's just nine months.	... just wanna be a good mom, a nice person, a decent citizen.  Just wanna take good care of my kids.  You know?
+... just wanna be a good mom, a nice person, a decent citizen.  Just wanna take good care of my kids.  You know?	Yeah.  I know.
+Open and shut?  Open and fucking shut?	If you hadn't used profanity --
+If you hadn't used profanity --	Oh, please, it was long over by then.  God damn, he made me look like some cheap --
+Oh, please, it was long over by then.  God damn, he made me look like some cheap --	I told you the questions might get a little personal --
+I told you the questions might get a little personal --	Bullshit.  You told me I'd get half a million dollars.  You told me I'd be set.
+Okay -- let's try and settle down here.	Settle down?  I got 74 bucks to my name, Mr. Masry!  I can't afford to settle down!
+I'm sorry, Erin.	Yeah?  Well, fuck you.  Sorry doesn't feed my kids.
+You never called me back.  I left messages.	You did?  Wow, sorry about that.  Listen, Mario's a little not so bright.  He seems to think that you said --
+You did?  Wow, sorry about that.  Listen, Mario's a little not so bright.  He seems to think that you said --	There's two things I can't stand, Mr. Masry. Being ignored, and being lied to.  You did both.
+I never lied.  I may have miscalculated -- that happens sometimes, but --	You said things would be fine, and they're not.
+You said things would be fine, and they're not.	I'm sorry about that.  Really.  But --
+I'm sorry about that.  Really.  But --	I don't need pity.  I need a paycheck.  And I've looked, but when you've spent the last six years raising babies, it's real hard to convince someone to give you a job that pays worth a damn.  So I figure, since you're the one who said I was gonna be okay, you should be the one to hire me.
+Okay, look.  If you really want to apply for a job here, you can do it the way everyone else does.  Send in a rÈsumÈ, make an --	I'm not everyone else, Mr. Masry.  I'm someone you made promises to that you didn't deliver on.  I trusted you.  With my kids' well-being.  Now, I'm smart, and I'm hard- working, and I'll do anything.  But if you think I'm leaving here without a job, you got another thing coming.
+Yeah?	I was wondering -- could you tell me who I'd talk to about maybe getting an advance on my paycheck?  Just -- for the weekend.
+I was wondering -- could you tell me who I'd talk to about maybe getting an advance on my paycheck?  Just -- for the weekend.	Jane's the office manager.  She handles payroll and petty cash.  But she leaves early on Fridays.
+Jane's the office manager.  She handles payroll and petty cash.  But she leaves early on Fridays.	Oh.  Okay.  That's okay.
+All I have is hundreds.	I don't wanna take your money, Mr. Masry.
+I don't wanna take your money, Mr. Masry.	Bullshit, you don't.
+Give her a cold washcloth to suck on --  I gotta go -- there's a clean one in that bag -- I'll check back in a bit.  Sorry.  My kid --	Where's Anna?
+Where's Anna?	Out to lunch with the girls.
+Out to lunch with the girls.	Oh.  Huh.  Well, look, I got this file I need valued. Real estate thing.  A lady has some property next to a PG&E plant that PG&E wants to buy. I need to know what to ask for it.
+You do know how to do that, don't you?	Yeah.  I got it.  No problem.
+Yeah.  I got it.  No problem.	Good.
+You're a girl.	Excuse me?
+Excuse me?	How come you're not at lunch with the girls? You're a girl.
+How come you're not at lunch with the girls? You're a girl.	I guess I'm not the right kind.
+Erin, you've been gone for a week.	I left a message.  I've been dealing with that real estate thing.  I was gonna write up a whole damn report and --
+I left a message.  I've been dealing with that real estate thing.  I was gonna write up a whole damn report and --	That's not how we work here.  You don't just leave a message and take off.
+Okay, enough --  Now, look, Erin -- this incident aside, I don't think this is the right place for you. So what I'm gonna do is make a few calls on your behalf.  Find you something else, okay?	Don't bother.
+Come on, I'm trying to help here.	Bullshit.  You're trying to feel less guilty about firing someone with three kids to feed.  Fuck if I'll help you do that.
+What are you doing here?	I got an interesting call this afternoon. It was from a Dr. Frankel.
+I got an interesting call this afternoon. It was from a Dr. Frankel.	Oh, yeah?
+Oh, yeah?	He wanted you to know the legal limit for hexavalent chromium, is .05 parts per million.  And that at the rate you mentioned, .58, it could be responsible for the cancers in that family you asked about. The Irvings.
+He wanted you to know the legal limit for hexavalent chromium, is .05 parts per million.  And that at the rate you mentioned, .58, it could be responsible for the cancers in that family you asked about. The Irvings.	Well, that was nice of him.  Isn't it funny how some people go out of their way to help people and others just give 'em the ax?
+Well, that was nice of him.  Isn't it funny how some people go out of their way to help people and others just give 'em the ax?	Look, I'm sorry.  You were gone.  I just assumed you were off having fun.
+Look, I'm sorry.  You were gone.  I just assumed you were off having fun.	Now, why in the hell would you assume that?
+Now, why in the hell would you assume that?	I don't know.  Maybe cause you look like someone who has a lot of fun.
+I don't know.  Maybe cause you look like someone who has a lot of fun.	Boy, are you ever a shitty judge of people.
+So what's the story on this thing?  This cancer stuff?	You wanna know, you gotta hire me back.  I got a lot of bills to pay.
+But, PG&E told her about the chromium?	They told her something, but it can't have been too specific, cause I talked to her, and she sure didn't think her water was bad.
+They told her something, but it can't have been too specific, cause I talked to her, and she sure didn't think her water was bad.	So what made you think it was?
+So what made you think it was?	It doesn't take a genius to look at those medical records and think something's wrong.
+It doesn't take a genius to look at those medical records and think something's wrong.	What medical records?
+What medical records?	The ones in the box of files.  The box of files?  The one from your office?
+The ones in the box of files.  The box of files?  The one from your office?	I didn't see any medical records in there.
+I didn't see any medical records in there.	Boy, you musta really fine-tooth-combed it then, huh?  And you fired me.  Jesus.
+That document you found, the one that says it was the bad chromium -- you didn't happen to make a copy did you?	Course I did.
+Course I did.	Lemme see it, will you?
+I want a raise.  And benefits.  Including dental.	Look, Erin, this is not the way I do business, this extortion nonsense.
+Okay.  A 5% raise, and --	Ten.  There's a lot of other places I could work.
+Ten.  There's a lot of other places I could work.	A ten percent raise and benefits.  But that's it.  I'm drawing the line.
+This is the only thing you found?	So far.  But that place is a pig sty.  I wouldn't be surprised if there's more.
+So far.  But that place is a pig sty.  I wouldn't be surprised if there's more.	Find out.
+I'm telling you, the minute Brenda sent the fax -- I'm talking the second she pressed that send button -- PG&E claims department is on the phone to me, scheduling a meeting.	So you think we got 'em scared?
+So you think we got 'em scared?	It sure as hell sounded like they were sitting up and taking notice.
+At least they made an offer.	That wasn't an offer.  A million would've been an offer.  When they send the God damn mail clerk down to jerk me off, waste my time, it's a fuck you.
+That wasn't an offer.  A million would've been an offer.  When they send the God damn mail clerk down to jerk me off, waste my time, it's a fuck you.	I don't get why they'd do that.
+I don't get why they'd do that.	Because they can.  You heard that kid -- they have 28 billion dollars at their disposal.  They can afford to waste all the time in the world.
+Because they can.  You heard that kid -- they have 28 billion dollars at their disposal.  They can afford to waste all the time in the world.	And you can't?
+And you can't?	What, you think I'm made of money?
+Mr. Masry, Mario gets lost going to the bathroom.  They'll be driving around the valley for hours.	Yeah.  Isn't that a shame?
+Boy, do I know how you feel.  First time I heard that number, I said you got to be kidding me.  Forty God damn percent?	Erin --
+Erin --	I'm the one who's injured, and this joker who sits at a desk all day is gonna walk away with almost half my reward?
+I'm the one who's injured, and this joker who sits at a desk all day is gonna walk away with almost half my reward?	Erin --
+Then I don't get anything either.	And I realized, he's taking a chance too.
+Hunh-uh.  Absolutely not.	That's crazy -- why not?
+That's crazy -- why not?	Because I said no.  Look -- the only reason PG&E's even talking to us is cause this is a quiet little real estate dispute.  We add plaintiffs, and suddenly we're in the middle of a toxic tort -- with a statute problem -- against a massive utility.  No, thank you.
+Okay, so here's what I'll do.  I'll go on up to Ted and Rita Daniels -- two of the nicest people you'd ever hope to meet, who spend every single day watching their little girl fight like a dog against this cancer -- I'll tell them we can't help them cause you don't feel like working that hard.	It's not about working hard --
+It's not about working hard --	Bullshit.
+Bullshit.	-- It's about being realistic.  Something like this, Erin -- it could take forever. They're a huge corporation.  They'd completely bury us in paperwork.  I'm just one guy with a shitty little P.I. firm.
+-- It's about being realistic.  Something like this, Erin -- it could take forever. They're a huge corporation.  They'd completely bury us in paperwork.  I'm just one guy with a shitty little P.I. firm.	-- who happens to know they poisoned people and lied about it.
+And this shit is bad news, Mr. Masry.  Not only does it attack every organ of the body, it fucks with your DNA, too.  That means these people's genes, and the genes of their kids, and the genes of their grandkids --	I know how DNA works, Erin --
+We can get these people.  With a little effort, I really think we can nail their asses to the wall.	Oh, you do?  With all your legal expertise, you believe that?
+Oh, you do?  With all your legal expertise, you believe that?	Okay, fine.  I don't know shit about shit. But I know the difference --
+How many families we talking about here?	Four more.  Eleven people.  So far.
+Four more.  Eleven people.  So far.	You think there's more?
+You think there's more?	Well -- I found one document at the water board that had a toxic test well reading from 1967.  A hell of a lot of people have lived on that land since then.
+This is a whole different ball game, Erin. A much bigger deal.	Kinda like David and what's-his-name?
+Kinda like David and what's-his-name?	Kinda like David and what's-his-name's whole fucking family.  Okay, here's the deal -- if, and only if, you find me the evidence to back all this up -- I'll do it.  I'll take it on.
+You're doing the right thing, Mr. Masry.	Yeah, yeah.  Remind me of that when I'm filing for bankruptcy.
+What now?	Another raise wouldn't hurt.  And with all the time I'm gonna be spending on the road, I'll probably be needing my own cel phone, won't I?
+Is that what I think it is?	She lived on the plume.  You never know.
+You wanna talk about --	No.
+They used the hex chrom here, in these cooling tanks, as an anti-corrosive.  Then they dumped it here, in these six ponds.	I don't remember seeing any ponds up there.
+They covered 'em over.  And not too carefully either, cause you dig one inch under the surface, and the dirt is green as a fucking shamrock.	And that's what caused the contamination?
+And that's what caused the contamination?	It didn't help, but no.  The real problem's on the bottom.
+See, according to this, they were supposed to line the ponds so this shit couldn't seep into the ground.  But guess what --	They skipped that step.
+They skipped that step.	I guess it was a little too inconvenient. So for fourteen years, this stuff flowed into the groundwater, free as you please.
+I guess it was a little too inconvenient. So for fourteen years, this stuff flowed into the groundwater, free as you please.	Jesus.  I don't even wanna ask what you did to make this Melendez guy talk.
+For your information, Frank cares what was in those ponds 'cause he used to spend half his day wading around them.  That was his job.	No shit.
+No shit.	No --
+Erin -- lemme tell you something.  If I'da put three researchers on this, I wouldn't expect them to dig up all the information you got here.  This is some damn good work.	Yeah?  Then gimme another raise.
+Yeah?  Then gimme another raise.	Hey, I got a staff to pay, plus rent, plus I haven't billed a minute of my time since I started on this case, so you can quit hitting me up like I'm rich or something.
+Don't give me that.  You're gonna get plenty rich off of this, Mr. 40 percent.  We got those PG&E fuckers by the balls here.	We've got the PG&E fuckers in Hinkley by the balls.  But nobody's getting rich unless we can pin this on the corporate PG&E fuckers in San Francisco.
+We've got the PG&E fuckers in Hinkley by the balls.  But nobody's getting rich unless we can pin this on the corporate PG&E fuckers in San Francisco.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	PG&E corporate is claiming they had no way of knowing what was going on in Hinkley.
+PG&E corporate is claiming they had no way of knowing what was going on in Hinkley.	Oh, they knew.  They had to know.
+Oh, they knew.  They had to know.	Show me the document that proves that.
+Then they didn't know.  And if they didn't know, we can't hit 'em for punitive damages. And punitive damages is where the money is.	Jesus Christ, Ed -- you know, the more I work on this thing, the more I realize what a crock of shit this legal system is.  Here we got a company that poisoned a whole aquifer -- that built a pool for a town, then filled it with toxic water -- and we're the ones who've gotta bust our ass proving things?  That's just not right.
+I like this case.	Really?  It makes me sick.
+Really?  It makes me sick.	Me too.  That's why I like it.  It's been a long time since I had a case I cared about.
+Me too.  That's why I like it.  It's been a long time since I had a case I cared about.	You didn't care about my case?
+You didn't care about my case?	I would now.
+Hey.  I like working with you.	Well, good, Ed.  I like working with you too.
+If they've sent that little shmuck Baum again, I'm gonna be real pissed off.	From their tone of voice on the phone, I'd say they're taking us more seriously.
+From their tone of voice on the phone, I'd say they're taking us more seriously.	Yeah, I heard that one before.
+Jesus.  They look like the Secret Service.	They're trying to intimidate us.  Tell them to wait in the conference room.
+Hey.  A new plaintiff called, wants to meet you.  I told him we'd be out there Thursday.	D'you get his name?  Course not.  Jesus, Ed --
+D'you get his name?  Course not.  Jesus, Ed --	He said he'd be at the gas station at six.
+He said he'd be at the gas station at six.	Boy, this job takes me to some of the best damn places, huh?
+Someone's following me.	What?  Who?
+What?  Who?	Some guy in a truck -- he waited till I was alone, then he followed me, like, two miles. Jesus, I'm shaking.  Get me a beer.
+What kind of truck?	I don't know.  Big.  Dark.
+I don't know.  Big.  Dark.	He's gone.  Did you get a license plate?  Or a make?
+He's gone.  Did you get a license plate?  Or a make?	No, Ed -- what with me running for my life, I didn't have time to check those things --
+No, Ed -- what with me running for my life, I didn't have time to check those things --	I was just asking.  Are you all right?
+I was just asking.  Are you all right?	Yeah.  Yeah, I'm ... fine.
+I want my fucking money --	I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to put you on hold for just one second here --  Do you mind?
+I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to put you on hold for just one second here --  Do you mind?	Yeah, I mind.  You bet your ass I mind.
+Oh, Jesus.  You wanna tell me what the problem is here, or --	It's my paycheck.  Which I earned.  Which I deserve.  Which I shouldn't have to beg for. That fat-ass bitch won't give it to me.
+It's my paycheck.  Which I earned.  Which I deserve.  Which I shouldn't have to beg for. That fat-ass bitch won't give it to me.	Erin, you're a big girl.  If you got a problem with Jane, work it out for yourself. I don't have time to deal with --
+Erin, you're a big girl.  If you got a problem with Jane, work it out for yourself. I don't have time to deal with --	Fuck you.  Make time.  Cause I bust my ass for you.  I watch everything else in my life go straight in the toilet, for you.  And what do you do for me?  Huh?  You see the way I'm treated around here -- but have you ever stood up for me once?  Have you ever mentioned to everyone what good work I'm doing?  Have you ever bothered saying, hey, Erin doesn't get paid the most cause she has the best tits; she gets paid the most cause she's the best God damn employee I've ever had?
+Fuck you.  Make time.  Cause I bust my ass for you.  I watch everything else in my life go straight in the toilet, for you.  And what do you do for me?  Huh?  You see the way I'm treated around here -- but have you ever stood up for me once?  Have you ever mentioned to everyone what good work I'm doing?  Have you ever bothered saying, hey, Erin doesn't get paid the most cause she has the best tits; she gets paid the most cause she's the best God damn employee I've ever had?	Is that what you want?
+Is that what you want?	I want my paycheck.  By the end of the day.
+I'll see what I can do.	You might want to think real hard about the amount, too.  My kids are sitting in the God damn parking lot right now, cause I still don't make enough to afford good child care. Makes me think about looking around for a job where I'm appreciated, for shit's sake.
+What kind of things come up?	Things like the head counsel for PG&E calling me with an offer.  20 million, plus attorney's fees.  Take it or leave it.
+Things like the head counsel for PG&E calling me with an offer.  20 million, plus attorney's fees.  Take it or leave it.	Whoa.  No shit.
+Whoa.  No shit.	It's about 50 thousand per plaintiff.
+It's about 50 thousand per plaintiff.	So what are you thinking?
+So what are you thinking?	I'm thinking ... I wish someone else had to make this decision.  50 thousand bucks is more than any other California toxic plaintiff has gotten. Ever.  But ...
+I'm thinking ... I wish someone else had to make this decision.  50 thousand bucks is more than any other California toxic plaintiff has gotten. Ever.  But ...	... but it won't cover Annabelle Daniels's medical bills.
+... but it won't cover Annabelle Daniels's medical bills.	And it's less than pocket change for PG&E.
+And it's less than pocket change for PG&E.	Do you think we'd do better by going to trial?
+Do you think we'd do better by going to trial?	Maybe.  but maybe not.  We still don't have anything linking this to PG&E corporate. Plus, there's the statute problem.  Plus, we're way short on manpower, so we'd need to bring on more lawyers ...
+Maybe.  but maybe not.  We still don't have anything linking this to PG&E corporate. Plus, there's the statute problem.  Plus, we're way short on manpower, so we'd need to bring on more lawyers ...	Plus, 40 percent of 20 million's a whole lot of money.
+Plus, 40 percent of 20 million's a whole lot of money.	It's eight million dollars, Erin.  Eight million dollars.
+Holy shit.  Who do they represent, God?	Don't joke.  They might.  So do me a favor and behave yourself for once.  Ed Masry to see Kurt Potter.
+What's a demur?	It's PG&E saying to the judge that we don't have a case.  Their lawyers go --
+Counts?	Reasons PG&E thinks it shouldn't go to --
+Why good?	He's got a reputation for doing all his --
+She insulted me!	Bullshit.  It was a misunderstanding.  But instead of handling it politely, instead of treating her with respect --
+Bullshit.  It was a misunderstanding.  But instead of handling it politely, instead of treating her with respect --	Why the fuck should I respect her?
+Because that's how people treat each other!	Not in my world.
+Not in my world.	Gee, I wonder why.
+If you tell me to relax, I'm gonna kick your fucking head off --	Erin, it's just a meeting.
+Erin, it's just a meeting.	"People don't fly down in their own god damn plane for ""just a meeting"" --"
+"People don't fly down in their own god damn plane for ""just a meeting"" --"	Look, you said you weren't feeling great.  I thought you should rest.
+Look, you said you weren't feeling great.  I thought you should rest.	Bullshit.  You'd drag me off my deathbed if it suited you.
+Bullshit.  You'd drag me off my deathbed if it suited you.	Okay, look.  It's an important meeting. Kurt thought, if it was just lawyers --
+Okay, look.  It's an important meeting. Kurt thought, if it was just lawyers --	Kurt thought?  What about you?  Do you think anymore?
+Look, this is serious now.  They're talking serious money --	And, what, I'm not serious?
+And, what, I'm not serious?	You're emotional.  You're erratic.  You say any God damn thing that comes into your head.  And I'm not saying that's bad.  That can be great; that can be a lot of fun --
+You're emotional.  You're erratic.  You say any God damn thing that comes into your head.  And I'm not saying that's bad.  That can be great; that can be a lot of fun --	"""Fun?""  Jesus, ""fun?""  I kill myself for a year and a half, hand you the best case of your life on a God damn silver platter, remind you of why you became a lawyer in the first place, and you think of me as ""fun?"""
+"""Fun?""  Jesus, ""fun?""  I kill myself for a year and a half, hand you the best case of your life on a God damn silver platter, remind you of why you became a lawyer in the first place, and you think of me as ""fun?"""	Okay, now you're making this personal, and it isn't --
+Okay, now you're making this personal, and it isn't --	Not personal?  That's my work in there, Ed. My sweat, my labor, my time.  If that's not personal, I don't know what is.
+How dare you take that away from me.	No one's taking anything --
+No one's taking anything --	Bullshit.  You stuck me in Siberia dictating to some God damn steno clerk so you could finish this thing without me.  After all I've done for you, that's the thanks I get.
+Don't give me that.  You've gotten plenty. You've been well-paid; you've gotten lots of perks ...	Perks?  Jesus -- perks?
+If you're here to fire me, your timing's lousy.	I'm not gonna fire you.  I wanted to.  But then you got sick, and that woulda made me look like a shit.  You embarrassed me, Erin.
+I'm not gonna fire you.  I wanted to.  But then you got sick, and that woulda made me look like a shit.  You embarrassed me, Erin.	I know.  I'm sorry.  Do I get to hear what happened anyway?
+Between 50 and 400 million, definitely?	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	And if you had to guess ...
+And if you had to guess ...	With nothing linking it to the corporate offices yet, I'd say we'll end up on the lower end of that.  Still a lot of money.
+With nothing linking it to the corporate offices yet, I'd say we'll end up on the lower end of that.  Still a lot of money.	So why would PG&E offer it?
+So why would PG&E offer it?	Because.  They know the evidence; they know they're gonna lose a jury trial.  Maybe they wouldn't lose 400 million bucks, but once you factor in all they'd spend on this case in the next ten years, it makes a lot of --
+Because.  They know the evidence; they know they're gonna lose a jury trial.  Maybe they wouldn't lose 400 million bucks, but once you factor in all they'd spend on this case in the next ten years, it makes a lot of --	Wait, what do you mean, ten years?
+Wait, what do you mean, ten years?	Five years, maybe, for a trial.  Double that for the appeal.
+Five years, maybe, for a trial.  Double that for the appeal.	I'm sorry, are you saying that if this thing goes to trial, it'll be ten years before these plaintiffs see their money?
+I'm sorry, are you saying that if this thing goes to trial, it'll be ten years before these plaintiffs see their money?	Hey, that's not so bad.  Compare it to the Love Canal -- that was twenty years ago, and those people still haven't seen a dime.  So in legal terms, ten years is --
+Hey, that's not so bad.  Compare it to the Love Canal -- that was twenty years ago, and those people still haven't seen a dime.  So in legal terms, ten years is --	Fuck legal terms.  We're talking about human beings here.  Sick people.  A whole bunch of them are gonna be dead in ten years.  They need their money now!  We gotta get 'em to agree to the arbitration, Ed.  We gotta get every damn one of those plaintiffs to --
+Fuck legal terms.  We're talking about human beings here.  Sick people.  A whole bunch of them are gonna be dead in ten years.  They need their money now!  We gotta get 'em to agree to the arbitration, Ed.  We gotta get every damn one of those plaintiffs to --	I know.  We're having a meeting, it's all set up --
+I know.  We're having a meeting, it's all set up --	When?  Where?
+When?  Where?	Tuesday at seven, at the Hinkley firehouse.
+Tuesday at seven, at the Hinkley firehouse.	Okay, good.  I think I should be the one to tell 'em, cause they trust me more than --
+Okay, good.  I think I should be the one to tell 'em, cause they trust me more than --	You're not gonna be there.
+You're not gonna be there.	The fuck I'm not.  I don't care what the doctor says --
+The fuck I'm not.  I don't care what the doctor says --	This isn't doctor's orders.  It's mine.  I'm saying you can't come.
+This isn't doctor's orders.  It's mine.  I'm saying you can't come.	Why not?
+Why not?	Because Kurt doesn't want to work with you. He thinks you're a loose cannon.
+Because Kurt doesn't want to work with you. He thinks you're a loose cannon.	Fuck Kurt.
+Fuck Kurt.	Erin --
+Erin --	No, I'm serious.  You know what Kurt Potter is?  He's the kind of guy who never would have taken this case in the first place. He's the kind of guy who would have sold these plaintiffs down the river when PG&E offered 20 million.  He doesn't work like us, Ed.  There's no little voice in his head telling him to do the right thing.
+Morning!	Erin?  What are you --
+Erin?  What are you --	You know what, Mr. Potter?  I completely forgot your birthday this year.  And seeing as how you've been so good to me, I think that is a terrible oversight.  So what I been doing over the last few days is I've been putting together a present for you.
+Ho - ly - shit.	Oh, now don't get all jealous, Ed.  I got a little something for you, too.
+I don't know what to say.	Say you were wrong.
+Say you were wrong.	I was wrong.
+I was wrong.	Say you shortchanged me and you shortchanged yourself.
+Say you shortchanged me and you shortchanged yourself.	I did.  Both.
+I did.  Both.	Say you'd be the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth if I didn't up and quit over all this.
+Say you'd be the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth if I didn't up and quit over all this.	The luckiest son of a bitch in the universe, Erin.  The luckiest son of a bitch in history.
+But I know you're not gonna quit on me.	How do you know that?
+How do you know that?	Cause you got a little voice in your head saying, do the right thing.  Give him another chance.
+Careful you don't spit from here; you could kill someone.	You see your office?
+You see your office?	Yeah.  Yours is nicer.
+Yeah.  Yours is nicer.	Oh, okay.  Here it comes.
+Oh, okay.  Here it comes.	Here what comes?
+Here what comes?	The extortion, the threats ...
+The extortion, the threats ...	I wasn't gonna --
+I wasn't gonna --	"""I can always find someplace else to work. Someplace that'll pay me a fortune and give me a view of the French Riviera ..."""
+"""I can always find someplace else to work. Someplace that'll pay me a fortune and give me a view of the French Riviera ..."""	Ed, I swear, I'm not --
+Ed, I swear, I'm not --	Okay, fine.  Fine  You backed me into a corner again.  You're holding me hostage ...
+What is that?	Take it.
+Two million dollars?	The firm took in sixty.  That's three percent.  Seemed like a fair bonus to me.
+When'd they file the demur?	Yesterday.
+How many counts?	Sixty-nine.  We've got good answers to all of 'em.
+Who's the judge?	Corey.
+Corey.	Good.
+I've also been thinking about the team. Responsibilities, who should cover what --	Right.
+Right.	I think we should makes some changes.
+I was working in the compressor, and out of nowhere the supervisor calls me up to the office and says, we're gonna give you a shredder machine, and send you on down to the warehouse.  We want you to get rid of all the documents stored out there.	Did he say why?
+Did he say why?	Nope.  And I didn't ask.
+Nope.  And I didn't ask.	Did you get a look at the stuff you destroyed?
+Did you get a look at the stuff you destroyed?	Well, it's pretty boring work, shredding -- you gotta find some way to entertain your mind.  So yeah, I took a look.
+Well, it's pretty boring work, shredding -- you gotta find some way to entertain your mind.  So yeah, I took a look.	And ...?
+And ...?	There was a lot of dull stuff -- vacation schedules, the like.  But then there were a few memos about the holding ponds.  The water in them.  They had readings from test wells, stuff like that.
+And you were told to destroy those?	That's right.
+Course as it turns out, I'm not a very good employee.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	Well.  There were a few documents that I somehow didn't get around to shredding.  That I kept instead.
+How come you didn't say anything when you found these things?	At the time, I thought, I got six kids, some of 'em want to go to college.  I can't afford to lose my job.  I told myself I was being honorable.  But there's nothing honorable in what I did.  Maybe that's why they picked me for the job. Maybe they knew what kind of man I was.
+Oh, hey -- lemme give you a hand there.	Thank you very much.  Aren't you a gentleman?  Mr. ...
+Thank you very much.  Aren't you a gentleman?  Mr. ...	Ross.
+Ross.	Ross.  Real pleased to meet you.  I'm Erin.
+Erin.  Cool.  What can I do for you, Erin?	Well, believe it or not, I am on the prowl for some water records.
+Well, believe it or not, I am on the prowl for some water records.	You come to the right place.
+You come to the right place.	I guess I did.
+I guess I did.	You just tell me what you want to look at and I'll be glad to dig 'em out for you.
+You just tell me what you want to look at and I'll be glad to dig 'em out for you.	I wish I knew.  It's for my boss.  He's fighting his water bill, and he wants me to find all manner of bills from all kinds of places.  The easiest thing would probably be if I just squeezed back there with you and poked around myself.  Would that be okay?
+I wish I knew.  It's for my boss.  He's fighting his water bill, and he wants me to find all manner of bills from all kinds of places.  The easiest thing would probably be if I just squeezed back there with you and poked around myself.  Would that be okay?	Heck, yeah.  Come on back.  Just gonna need you to sign in here --
+Pattee?  That your middle name?	Nope.  Maiden.
+Nope.  Maiden.	You're married.
+You're married.	Not anymore.
+You know what, Erin?  I got nothing but time here.  Why don't you let me do that for you, and you can get your kids some dinner.	Ross -- you are an absolute angel.
+Hey, Ross.  Tell me something.  Does PG&E pay you to cover their ass, or do you just do it out of the kindness of your heart?	I don't know what you're talking about.
+I don't know what you're talking about.	The fuck you don't.  No one calls me Pattee. That heavy-breathing sicko that called the other night could've only found out about me from you.  People are dying, Ross.  You got document after document here, right under your nose, that says why, and you haven't said word one about it.  I wanna know how the hell you sleep at night.
+What kind of chromium is it?	There's more than one kind?
+There's more than one kind?	Yes.  There's straight-up chromium -- does all kinds of good things for the body. There's chrom 3, which is fairly benign, and then there's chrom 6, hexavalent chromium, which, depending on the amounts, can be very harmful.
+Yes.  There's straight-up chromium -- does all kinds of good things for the body. There's chrom 3, which is fairly benign, and then there's chrom 6, hexavalent chromium, which, depending on the amounts, can be very harmful.	Harmful, like -- how?  What would you get?
+Harmful, like -- how?  What would you get?	With repeated exposure to toxic levels -- God, anything, really -- respiratory disease, liver failure, heart failure, reproductive failure, chronic headaches, bone or organ deterioration -- plus, of course, any type of cancer.
+So that stuff -- it kills people.	Oh, yeah.  Definitely.  Highly toxic, highly carcinogenic.  Bad, bad stuff.
+Oh, yeah.  Definitely.  Highly toxic, highly carcinogenic.  Bad, bad stuff.	Well, how do I find out what kind of chromium is up in Hinkley?
+Well, how do I find out what kind of chromium is up in Hinkley?	Have you been to the water board?
+Have you been to the water board?	Hunh-uh.  What's that?
+Hunh-uh.  What's that?	Every county has one.  They keep records of anything water-related within their jurisdiction.  You should be able to find something there.
+Every county has one.  They keep records of anything water-related within their jurisdiction.  You should be able to find something there.	County water board.  All righty, thanks.
+County water board.  All righty, thanks.	Good luck.  Oh -- I wouldn't advertise what you're looking for if I were you ...
+Put your napkins in your laps and eat up.	How come you're not eating?
+Mommy, can I get a flower?	Sweetheart, you can get a whole big bunch.
+I hate it too.  I hate this trip.	Oh, come on, where's your sense of adventure?  We're going someplace you never been before.
+Oh, come on, where's your sense of adventure?  We're going someplace you never been before.	I'm gonna hate it.
+Yeah.  A real moron.	Some kind of half-wit, no-good, big-haired, bimbo, I bet.
+Look, I know you're mad.  But the way this job is, things come up at the last minute, real important things, and I gotta deal with them.  Now I don't like me missing dinner any more than you do, but we're all gonna have to get used to it, cause the fact is, it's gonna happen sometimes.	It happens all the time.
+It happens all the time.	That's not true; we had dinner together just last night.
+What are you doing?  Where's George?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	George!
+Masry & Vititoe, can I help you?	Hi, Rosalind, this is Erin.  Brockovich. From the file room?  I was wondering if you could tell Mr. Masry that I'm following up on that real estate thing out of the office.
+You've been reading for hours.	"I'm a slow reader, on account of the fact that I look at the word ""dog"" and see ""god""."
+"I'm a slow reader, on account of the fact that I look at the word ""dog"" and see ""god""."	Hey, just so long as you see Him.
+Hey, Erin, I thought you were taking a sick day.	So did I.
+What's going on in there?	Some meeting.  With PG&E people.
+Some meeting.  With PG&E people.	PG& -- Are you sure?
+PG& -- Are you sure?	Yup.  They must be important, too, cause they came on a special plane.
+Hey, Ros, where are they?	In the conference --
+Hey, Ros.  Nice view, huh?	Yeah, I'm gonna start sleeping here.  Masry & Vititoe, can I -- damn it.  Does anyone know anything about these phones?
+There's no way a son of mine hates Funky Town.  It's impossible.	Well I hate it.
+Yeah.	Thank God we got you away from her, huh?
+Can I play roller hockey?	We'll see.
+We'll see.	When?
+Randy's mom said yes right away.	Well, God damn it, Matthew -- Randy's mom doesn't work eighteen-hour days, and Randy's dad didn't leave her, so figuring out who's gonna take who where is a little easier over at Randy's house.
+God damn it, Matthew.  What the hell are you doing out here?	I'm gonna go live with George.
+We'll work out the roller hockey thing, okay?  Whatever you want, we'll work it out. I promise.	You always say that.  Then you go to work and forget you promised.
+You always say that.  Then you go to work and forget you promised.	I never forget, honey.  I try, real hard. It's just, for some reason, I don't seem to be able to organize things right and -- when it comes to you guys, I end up falling short.
+I never forget, honey.  I try, real hard. It's just, for some reason, I don't seem to be able to organize things right and -- when it comes to you guys, I end up falling short.	You never fall short for the work people.  I guess maybe you just love them more.
+You never fall short for the work people.  I guess maybe you just love them more.	Oh, God, sweetheart, no.  There's nothing on Earth I love more than you.  Nothing.  I promise.
+She's one of the sick people?	Yeah.  She is.  But you know what?  That's why I'm helping her.  So she can get some medicine to make her feel better.
+How come her own mom isn't helping her?	Cause her own mom's real sick, too.
+Hey -- those are my files --	Yeah, we had them couriered over.  And listen, good work.  They're a great start. We're just going to have to spend a little time filling in the holes in your research.
+Excuse me -- Theresa, was it?  There are no holes in my research.	No offense.  There are just some things we need that you probably didn't know to ask.
+No offense.  There are just some things we need that you probably didn't know to ask.	Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot, okay?  I may not have a law degree, but I've spent 18 months on this case, and I know more about those plaintiffs than you ever will.
+Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot, okay?  I may not have a law degree, but I've spent 18 months on this case, and I know more about those plaintiffs than you ever will.	Erin.  You don't even have phone numbers for some of them.
+Erin.  You don't even have phone numbers for some of them.	Whose number do you need?
+Whose number do you need?	Everyone's.  This is a lawsuit.  We need to be able to contact the plaintiffs.
+Everyone's.  This is a lawsuit.  We need to be able to contact the plaintiffs.	I said, whose number do you need?
+I said, whose number do you need?	You don't know six hundreds plaintiffs' numbers by heart.
+Annabelle Daniels.	Annabelle Daniels.  714-454-9346.
+Okay, look -- I think we got off on the wrong foot here --	That's all you got, lady.  Two wrong feet. In fucking ugly shoes.
+Well, hello to you, darlin'.	What the hell do you think you're doing, making all that Goddamn noise?
+What the hell do you think you're doing, making all that Goddamn noise?	Just introducing myself to the neighbors.
+Just introducing myself to the neighbors.	Well, I'm the neighbors.  There, now we're introduced, so you can shut the fuck up.
+Ooh, now, see, if I'da known there was a beautiful woman next door, I'da done this different.  Let's start over.  My name's George.  What's yours?	Just think of me as the person next door who likes it quiet, and we'll get along fine.
+Just think of me as the person next door who likes it quiet, and we'll get along fine.	Now, don't be like that.  Tell you what. How about if I take you out on a date to apologize for my rudeness?
+You want my number?	I do.
+I do.	Which number do you want, George?
+Which number do you want, George?	You got more than one?
+You got more than one?	Shit, yeah.  I got numbers coming out of my ears.  Like, for instance, ten.
+Shit, yeah.  I got numbers coming out of my ears.  Like, for instance, ten.	Ten?
+Ten?	Sure.  That's one of my numbers.  It's how many months old my little girl is.
+Sure.  That's one of my numbers.  It's how many months old my little girl is.	You got a little girl?
+You got a little girl?	Yeah.  Sexy, huh?  And here's another: five. That's how old my other daughter is.  Seven is my son's age.  Two is how many times I been married and divorced.  You getting all this?  16 is the number of dollars in my bank account.  454-3943 is my phone number. And with all the other numbers I gave you, I'm guessing zero is the number of times you're gonna call it.
+No.	C'mon.  I bought 'em for you, to make up for that night.
+C'mon.  I bought 'em for you, to make up for that night.	Return 'em.  Maybe you'll get your money back.
+I had a good neighbor, George.  She was 60 and Mexican and she watched my kids for free.  Something tells me you're not gonna be able to measure up to that.	You need help with your kids?  I could probably do that.
+I'm not gonna leave my kids with you.	Why not?
+Why not?	Cause I don't even know you.
+Cause I don't even know you.	Yeah, and whose fault is that?
+Yeah.  I'm probably ruining them.	How?
+How?	I'm never here.  I gotta leave 'em with this weird sitter all afternoon who costs a fortune and smells like chicken fat.
+I'm never here.  I gotta leave 'em with this weird sitter all afternoon who costs a fortune and smells like chicken fat.	I was serious before, you know.  If you need someone to keep an eye on them -- after school or something -- I don't have a job now, so I'm around in the afternoons.
+I was serious before, you know.  If you need someone to keep an eye on them -- after school or something -- I don't have a job now, so I'm around in the afternoons.	Great.  Another deadbeat.
+Great.  Another deadbeat.	I'm not a deadbeat.  I work when I need to.
+I'm not a deadbeat.  I work when I need to.	Yeah?  And what do you do the rest of the time, live off your trust fund?
+Yeah?  And what do you do the rest of the time, live off your trust fund?	I do construction, which pays real good. And I make it last by living cheap.
+I do construction, which pays real good. And I make it last by living cheap.	I hope that's not supposed to impress me.
+I hope that's not supposed to impress me.	Are you this hard on everyone who tries to help you?
+Are you this hard on everyone who tries to help you?	It's been a while.  Maybe I'm just out of practice.
+It's been a while.  Maybe I'm just out of practice.	Then lemme remind you, the polite thing is to say, thank you, that's a real nice offer, I don't mind taking you up on it.
+Then lemme remind you, the polite thing is to say, thank you, that's a real nice offer, I don't mind taking you up on it.	Why in the hell would you want to watch my kids?
+Why in the hell would you want to watch my kids?	Cause I like kids.  I like hanging out with them.
+Cause I like kids.  I like hanging out with them.	Right.
+You're around every afternoon?	Yup.  Usually working on my bike.  No big deal.  If it doesn't work out, you can send 'em back to the chicken fat lady.
+This isn't gonna get you laid, you know.	Yeah, we'll just see about that, won't we?
+What're you doing?	Better safe than sorry.
+I'm gonna put a dead bolt on your front door, too.  This isn't exactly the safest neighborhood in the world, you know.	Thanks for reminding me.
+Thanks for reminding me.	I guess we get what we pay for, huh?
+You think it could make you sick, living in a place like this?	What do you mean?
+What are you doing here?	Fixing a leak under your sink.
+Great.	I'm gonna clean it up.
+What kind of person lives like this?  Huh? What kind of person lets her kids run around in a house crawling with bugs the size of housecats?	It's a simple thing.  Everybody gets them. All we gotta do is call an exterminator.
+It's a simple thing.  Everybody gets them. All we gotta do is call an exterminator.	I can't call an exterminator.  I can't afford one.  God, I can't even afford my phone.  I got fired.
+I can't call an exterminator.  I can't afford one.  God, I can't even afford my phone.  I got fired.	What?  But you been working so hard --
+What?  But you been working so hard --	Doesn't matter.  Doesn't make one bit of difference.  Oh God, George, how'd this happen to me? How'd I end up so ... so nothing?
+You're not nothing, Erin.	Well, I'm sure as hell not what I thought I was gonna be.  I was supposed to have one of those great lives, with everything all laid- out and perfect.  I mean, hell -- I was Miss Wichita, for God's sakes.  Did I tell you that?  You live next door to a real live beauty queen.  I still got the tiara.  I kept it cause I thought it meant something.  I thought it meant I was gonna do something great with my life.  I thought it proved I was gonna grow up to be someone.
+Well, I'm sure as hell not what I thought I was gonna be.  I was supposed to have one of those great lives, with everything all laid- out and perfect.  I mean, hell -- I was Miss Wichita, for God's sakes.  Did I tell you that?  You live next door to a real live beauty queen.  I still got the tiara.  I kept it cause I thought it meant something.  I thought it meant I was gonna do something great with my life.  I thought it proved I was gonna grow up to be someone.	You are someone.
+You are someone.	No I'm not.  Look at me.  I'm not.
+No I'm not.  Look at me.  I'm not.	You're someone to me.  You're someone real special to me.
+George, I am just trying to do something nice for my kids on my one day off.  Could you please not give me a hard time about it?	One toy per kid is doing something nice. Four is ... something else.
+One toy per kid is doing something nice. Four is ... something else.	Well, hell, I guess that's it, then, huh? They're scarred for life.  They're gonna start holding up 7-11's any day now.
+Well, hell, I guess that's it, then, huh? They're scarred for life.  They're gonna start holding up 7-11's any day now.	I'm just saying --
+I'm just saying --	I know what you're saying, and I don't wanna hear it.  I am doing the best I can.
+I'm not gonna quit cause of one creepy phone call, George.	Come on, Erin.  A job's supposed to pay your bills, not put you in danger.
+Come on, Erin.  A job's supposed to pay your bills, not put you in danger.	I'm not in danger.  I have a dead bolt. Remember?
+Look, don't take this the wrong way, but don't you think you might be out of your league here?	No, see -- that's exactly what those arrogant PG&E fucks want me to think -- that because they got all this money and power, we don't stand a chance in hell against them.  But you know what?  They're wrong.
+It doesn't have to be this complicated, Erin.  There's a lot of jobs out there.	How would you know?
+You mind telling me what that's supposed to mean?	Nothing.
+Nothing.	If you got a problem with me taking care of your kids instead of getting some job, just say so.
+If you got a problem with me taking care of your kids instead of getting some job, just say so.	I didn't say that.
+I didn't say that.	Cause I can get a job.  I will.  And you can start leaving the kids with the chicken fat lady again.  Would that make you happy?
+Cause I can get a job.  I will.  And you can start leaving the kids with the chicken fat lady again.  Would that make you happy?	Keep your voice down.
+Keep your voice down.	I know what they can sleep through, Erin.  I probably know it better than you.
+I'm so tired I'm about to drive off the road.  Keep me awake, willya?	What do you want, a joke?
+What do you want, a joke?	No, no jokes, I gotta pee.  Just tell me about your day.  What went on back there?
+No, no jokes, I gotta pee.  Just tell me about your day.  What went on back there?	Well, come to think of it, we did have a big event around here.  Beth started talking.
+Well, come to think of it, we did have a big event around here.  Beth started talking.	What?  Beth?  My Beth?
+What?  Beth?  My Beth?	"Yeah.  We were sitting around at lunch and she pointed at a ball and said, ""ball."""
+I'm bored, and so are the kids.	Just a few more minutes, then we can go.  Take her, will you?
+I'm just saying -- we have one night to ourselves, why do we have to spend it here?	Cause it's my office party.  If you had an office, I'd go to your party.
+That's Ed.	Lock the door.
+Lock the door.	No, I wanna say hi.
+It wouldn't kill you to talk about something other than yourself and your own fucking job once in a while --	What do you want to talk about instead? Your day?  That's a fascinating subject.
+Fuck you.  Just cause I don't spend all day trying to prove what hot shit I am --	That is not what I'm --
+That is not what I'm --	Bullshit, Erin.  Bullshit.
+What's going on?  What are you doing?	Thinking.
+Thinking.	About what?
+About this.	What's that?
+What's that?	It's a pair of earrings.  I saw 'em in the mall one day, and I thought, damn, those would look good on those beautiful earlobes. So I bought 'em.  And I said to myself, next time Erin says something nice, does something nice, I'll surprise her with 'em.  Know how long ago that was?  Six months.  In six months, you haven't said one nice thing to me.  That's a long time.
+It's a pair of earrings.  I saw 'em in the mall one day, and I thought, damn, those would look good on those beautiful earlobes. So I bought 'em.  And I said to myself, next time Erin says something nice, does something nice, I'll surprise her with 'em.  Know how long ago that was?  Six months.  In six months, you haven't said one nice thing to me.  That's a long time.	I'm sorry.  I'm just working so hard --
+I'm sorry.  I'm just working so hard --	I know.  But still.  Six months.  I think you oughta either find a different job or a different boyfriend.  Cause there may be men who don't mind being the maid and getting nothing in return, but I'm sure as shit not one of 'em.
+I know.  But still.  Six months.  I think you oughta either find a different job or a different boyfriend.  Cause there may be men who don't mind being the maid and getting nothing in return, but I'm sure as shit not one of 'em.	I can't leave my job, George.
+I can't leave my job, George.	Yeah, you can.  You could just quit.  People do it all the time.
+Yeah, you can.  You could just quit.  People do it all the time.	I can't.  Look -- this job -- it's the best thing that ever happened to me.  I mean it. For the first time in my life, I got people respecting me.  Up in Hinkley, I walk into a room and everyone shuts up just to hear what I got to say.  I never had that.  Ever. Don't ask me to give it up.  I need it.
+I can't.  Look -- this job -- it's the best thing that ever happened to me.  I mean it. For the first time in my life, I got people respecting me.  Up in Hinkley, I walk into a room and everyone shuts up just to hear what I got to say.  I never had that.  Ever. Don't ask me to give it up.  I need it.	More than you need me.
+More than you need me.	I need it.
+You already packed up your stuff?	I pretty much knew what your answer was gonna be.
+They said that'd be tomorrow.  They just wanna keep an eye on me another night.	Fine.  I'll drop 'em off tomorrow afternoon.
+Thank you.	Mm-hm.
+Hello?	Hi.  It's me.  I got a favor to ask you.
+Hi.  It's me.  I got a favor to ask you.	I don't do favors for you anymore.
+I don't do favors for you anymore.	It's not for me; it's for my kids.  You're the only one I trust them with.
+They up?	Hunh-uh.  Not yet.  Look, don't take any of 'em on your bike, okay?  Call a cab if you wanna go somewhere.
+How long's this whole thing gonna take?	I don't know.  Few days.  Thanks for helping me.  I appreciate it.
+And I miss you.	Yeah, well -- good help is hard to find.
+Think you could learn?	You know me.  I pick things up real fast.
+You shouldn't be driving around, you know. You're sick.	Yeah, but I'm gonna get better.  A lot of these folks aren't.
+What time is it?	Real early.  We're just gonna take your car to get some breakfast.
+No, I need my car --	We'll just be a minute.  Get a little more sleep.
+Promise you'll turn around if you get tired.	I will.  Bye.
+I'm embarrassed.	That's okay.  I understand.
+That's okay.  I understand.	It's just -- the pain.  It's only getting worse.  I can't be a good wife.  I can't be a good mother.
+It's just -- the pain.  It's only getting worse.  I can't be a good wife.  I can't be a good mother.	I'm real sorry, Laura.
+Know what I always thought I wanted outta life, Erin?  A Jaguar.	Jaguar's a darn pretty car.
+Jaguar's a darn pretty car.	I thought if I could spend that kinda money on a car, it'd mean everything else was fine.  I don't even know how much they cost.
+I thought if I could spend that kinda money on a car, it'd mean everything else was fine.  I don't even know how much they cost.	A lot.  But you hang in there, maybe you'll get one.
+I mean, it's not a problem or anything, but -- I'm just a little unclear on what those things are.  I thought maybe you'd know.	What do I look like, Erin?  A library?
+Someone stole my stuff.	Nice to see you, Erin.  We've missed you.
+Nice to see you, Erin.  We've missed you.	I had photos of my kids, plus a mug --
+-- toothbrush, toothpaste, and a pair of hose.  Here.	What's going on?
+What's going on?	There may be jobs where you can disappear for days at a time, but this isn't one of them.  Here, if you don't do the work, you don't get to stay.
+What am I supposed to do, check in every two seconds?	Yes.  It's called accountability.
+Yes.  It's called accountability.	I am not talking to you, bitch.
+I am not talking to you, bitch.	Excuse me?
+Where's my paycheck?	Have you been logging on?
+Have you been logging on?	What?
+What?	I moved payroll onto the computer.  It only knows to process paychecks for employees who log on in the morning and off at night.
+I moved payroll onto the computer.  It only knows to process paychecks for employees who log on in the morning and off at night.	Now how'm I supposed to do that when I'm not in here most mornings and nights?
+Now how'm I supposed to do that when I'm not in here most mornings and nights?	You're clever.  I'm sure you'll think of something.
+Excuse me, are you Erin Brockovich?	Yeah.  Who are you?
+When Donna told us about you, and what you told her about the chromium, we figured that might have something to do with this, too.	It sure could, yeah.  Thanks a lot.
+There's something else, too.	What?
+I know.  It's an awful lot.	I'm surprised Donna didn't say anything.
+You know that thing it says in here about rashes?	Uh-huh?
+Uh-huh?	Well, this old neighbor of mine, Bob Linwood -- he ran the dairy on Community -- seemed like someone in his family always had a rash somewhere or other.  I just figured it was something in the genes.  And you know how it is -- you don't like to ask about things like that ...
+Hi, sweetie.  Were you a good girl?  Where are Matt and Katie?	Outside with the sprinkler.  So it's good?
+It'll be fine, yeah.	Ai, bueno.  Because I didn't want to tell you before, with your worries --
+Ai, bueno.  Because I didn't want to tell you before, with your worries --	What?
+What?	My daughter, she's bought a big house with a room for me.  I'm going to move in with her.
+My daughter, she's bought a big house with a room for me.  I'm going to move in with her.	You're moving away?  When?
+You're moving away?  When?	Next week.
+Next week.	Wow, that's soon --
+Wow, that's soon --	I know.  But it's good for me.  Now I can help my daughter take care of my grandkids. And it's good for you, too.  Now you have money, you can find a good babysitter, huh? Not the old lady next door.
+Dr. Paulsen?	Yes?
+Yes?	Hi, I'm Erin Brockovich.  I was just over in the library there, asking a mess of questions about -- I guess they call it epidemiology? -- and the fella there told me to find you, cause you know all about it.
+Hi, I'm Erin Brockovich.  I was just over in the library there, asking a mess of questions about -- I guess they call it epidemiology? -- and the fella there told me to find you, cause you know all about it.	Is this a joke?  Did Baxter put you up to this?
+Is this a joke?  Did Baxter put you up to this?	Who's Baxter?
+Who's Baxter?	He did, didn't he?  Baxter!
+Oh.  Oh.	No one put me up to anything.  I was just hoping I could ask you a couple questions.
+No one put me up to anything.  I was just hoping I could ask you a couple questions.	Of course!  Oh, gosh, of course --
+Well, look, there isn't a ton of information here, but from what there is, I'd say that these two people here -- what are their names?  Shanna and Ashley?	Right, I guess those are the kids --
+Right, I guess those are the kids --	They've both got some immune system problem. Can't say what from, whether it's viral or genetic or what, but something's wrong.  And these guys -- Donna and Peter --
+They've both got some immune system problem. Can't say what from, whether it's viral or genetic or what, but something's wrong.  And these guys -- Donna and Peter --	Their parents, I'm pretty sure.
+Their parents, I'm pretty sure.	Well, from what this stuff says, I'd say they both have some form of cancer.
+... and when I realized our area's just as bad as Hinkley, I thought maybe my neighbors are all sick too.  So I went and asked.	You did?
+Uh-huh.  Spent the last few days knocking on doors.  And you know what?  They're not.  I mean, they got problems, but none of this cancer stuff.  And their pets are fine.  So I don't know -- I just can't shake the feeling that it wasn't no multivitamin they put in the water.	Well, if you're talking about contamination, you're getting out of my area of expertise. Let me give you the name of a toxicologist friend of mine over at USC.
+I gotta say, Erin -- first time I saw you, I did not peg you as the kind to go off and conduct her own epidemiological study.	Don't go telling anyone.  It'll ruin my reputation.
+It was .... the Emperor ....	The Emperor?
+The Emperor?	Yes, he commands you make contact with him ....
+Yes, he commands you make contact with him ....	Move this ship out of the asteroid field and into a position where we can send a clear transmission.
+Move this ship out of the asteroid field and into a position where we can send a clear transmission.	Yes, My Lord.
+Yes, My Lord.	And code the signal to my private chamber.
+My lord.	Come in, Admiral.
+Our pursuit ships have sighted the Millennium Falcon, My Lord.  It has entered an asteroid field.	Asteroids don't concern me, Admiral. I want that ship, not excuses.  How long until you can have Skywalker and the others in the Millennium Falcon before me?
+Asteroids don't concern me, Admiral. I want that ship, not excuses.  How long until you can have Skywalker and the others in the Millennium Falcon before me?	Soon, Lord Vader.
+Soon, Lord Vader.	Yes, Admiral .... soon.
+Lord Vader, our ships have completed their scan of the area and found nothing.  The Millennium Falcon definitely went into lightspeed. It's probably on the other side of the galaxy by now.	Alert all commands.  Calculate every possible destination along their last known trajectory and disburse the fleet to search for them.  Don't fail me again, Admiral, I've had quite enough!
+Alert all commands.  Calculate every possible destination along their last known trajectory and disburse the fleet to search for them.  Don't fail me again, Admiral, I've had quite enough!	Yes, My Lord.  We'll find them.
+He will learn patience.	Much anger in him, like in his father.
+Much anger in him, like in his father.	We've discussed this before.
+He can do it.	This one I have watched a long time.  All his life has he looked away ... to the horizon, to the sky, to the future.  Never his mind on where he was, on what he was doing.  Adventure, excitement ...  A Jedi craves not these things!
+He'll learn.	He's too old.  Yes.  Too old to start the training.
+Will he finish what he begins?	We've come this far ... He is our only hope.
+Stopped they must be.  Do you hear?  On this all depends.	You are the last Jedi, Luke.  You are our only hope.  Be patient.
+Luke, use The Force only for knowledge and for defense, not as a weapon.  Don't give in to hate or anger or fear ... they lead the way to the dark side ... Luke nods and climbs back into his ship.	Strong is Vader.  Clouded is your fate.  Mind what you have learned ... Notice everything, everything!  It can save you.
+Told you, I did.  Reckless is he ... Now things are going to worse.	The boy is our last hope.
+The boy is our last hope.	No ... there is another.
+I can't ...	You must.  Luke, look at me!
+You must survive, Luke.	I'm cold ... so cold ...
+I'm cold ... so cold ...	You must go to the Dagobah System ... There you will learn from one who taught me:  Yoda, the Jedi Master.
+You must go to the Dagobah System ... There you will learn from one who taught me:  Yoda, the Jedi Master.	Ben ... Ben ...
+Ben ... Ben ...	Luke ... you are the only hope.
+... Luke, you must not go.	But Han and Leia will surely die.
+But Han and Leia will surely die.	You don't know that.  Even I cannot see their fate.
+You don't know that.  Even I cannot see their fate.	I can help them!
+I can help them!	You're not ready yet.  You still have much to learn.
+You're not ready yet.  You still have much to learn.	I feel The Force.
+I feel The Force.	But you cannot control it.  This is a dangerous time for you, Luke. You are now most susceptible to the temptations of the dark side.
+Will you?  You underestimate The Emperor.  It is you he wants ... that is why your friends suffer.	And that is why I must go.
+And that is why I must go.	Luke, I will not lose you to the Emperor, as I lost Vader.
+Luke, I will not lose you to the Emperor, as I lost Vader.	You won't.
+You won't.	Only a fully trained Jedi Knight, with The Force as his ally, will conquer Vader and his Emperor. If you end your training now, if you choose the quick and easy path ... as Vader did ... you will become an agent of evil ... and the galaxy will be plunged deeper into the abyss of hate, despair and pain that you feel your friends suffering now.
+How you doing, Chewbacca?  Still wasting your time with this clown, eh?	Growls a reserved greeting.
+Growls a reserved greeting.	Right.
+Barks at the mention of food. Licks his lips.	Everyone's invited, of course.
+Barks a blue streak.	What's wrong with him?
+Three patrol ships are heading our way.	Barks an argument and shakes his head.
+Turns on Lando, the newcomer, with an ominous growl.	Okay, okay.
+Howls.	We're not out of this yet.
+Well, it's been awhile.	Barks and growls at his boss.
+Barks and growls at his boss.	That was a long time ago.  I'm sure he's forgotten all about it, and so should you.
+Howls and shrugs his shoulders.	Why don't we just turn him over to Lando to fix?
+Barks at Han.	Not now, Chewie.  Lando, aren't you afraid the Empire might discover this little operation and shut you down?
+Barks his concern.	No, I'm alright.  I'm alright.
+Barks a doleful farewell.	I'm sure I'll see you again, too. Keep well.  You'd better chain him until it's over.
+Barks at his master.	What happened?
+We should have stayed and finished them off.	Barks his agreement.
+I don't care.  It would've been worth it .... for Han.	Barks his Òright on!Ó
+... the power?	Howls.
+Barks his consternation.	Chewie, head for the bottom of the city.
+Okay, Chewie, it's now or never.	Barks his agreement.
+... Like we're being watched.	Away put your weapon.  I mean you no harm.
+I'm looking for someone.	Looking?  Looking?  You've found someone I'd say.  Heh?  Yes!
+Looking?  Looking?  You've found someone I'd say.  Heh?  Yes!	Yeah ...
+Yeah ...	Help you I can ... yes ... yes.
+Help you I can ... yes ... yes.	I'm looking for a great warrior.
+I'm looking for a great warrior.	A great warrior?  Not many on those.  Wars don't make one great.
+Listen, friend, we didn't mean to land here, and if I could get my fighter out of this puddle I would, but I can't.  So ...	Can't get your ship out?  Have you tried?  Have you tried?
+Give me that!	Mine!  Mine!  Or I'll help you not.
+I don't want your help.  I want my lamp back.  I'll need it in this slimy mudhole.	Mudhole?  Slimy?  My home this is.
+Mine, mine.	Okay, Artoo, let him have it. Now get out of here, little fellow, we've got things to do.
+Okay, Artoo, let him have it. Now get out of here, little fellow, we've got things to do.	No, no!  I'll stay and help you find your friend.
+No, no!  I'll stay and help you find your friend.	I'm not looking for a friend. I'm looking for a Jedi Master.
+I'm not looking for a friend. I'm looking for a Jedi Master.	Oh, a Jedi Master.  Different altogether.  Yoda you seek, Yoda.
+Oh, a Jedi Master.  Different altogether.  Yoda you seek, Yoda.	You know the Jedi Master?
+You know the Jedi Master?	Of course, yes.  But now eat we must.  Good food, I have good food.  Come, come.
+... I told you, I'm not hungry.	Patience.  It's time to eat.
+Patience.  It's time to eat.	Look, it smells good.  I'm sure it's delicious   But I don't know why we can't see Yoda now.
+Look, it smells good.  I'm sure it's delicious   But I don't know why we can't see Yoda now.	It's the Jedi's time to eat, too.
+It's the Jedi's time to eat, too.	Will it take long to get there? How far away is he?
+Will it take long to get there? How far away is he?	Not far, not far.  Be patient. Soon you will see him.  Why wish you become a Jedi?
+Not far, not far.  Be patient. Soon you will see him.  Why wish you become a Jedi?	Because of my father, I guess.
+Because of my father, I guess.	Oh, your father ... a powerful Jedi was he, powerful Jedi.
+Oh, your father ... a powerful Jedi was he, powerful Jedi.	How could you know my father? You don't even know who I am.  Can't we get on with this already?
+Yes sir!	Sergeant, is Commander Skywalker back yet?
+Sergeant, is Commander Skywalker back yet?	I haven't seen him.  He probably came in through the south entrance.
+I haven't seen him.  He probably came in through the south entrance.	Probably isn't good enough, Sergeant. Check on it!
+Commander Skywalker hasn't come through the south entrance, sir. Maybe he slipped by without checking in.	Not likely!  Where are the speeders?
+Not likely!  Where are the speeders?	We haven't got them adapted to this cold yet ...
+We haven't got them adapted to this cold yet ...	We'll have to go out on Tauntauns.
+We'll have to go out on Tauntauns.	The temperature is dropping too fast.
+The temperature is dropping too fast.	You bet it is ... and Luke's out in it.
+The night storms will start before you can reach the first marker.	Then I'll see you in Hell.
+What is thy bidding, My Master?	There is a grave disturbance in The Force.
+There is a grave disturbance in The Force.	I have felt it.
+I have felt it.	Our situation is most precarious. We have a new enemy who could bring about our destruction.
+Our situation is most precarious. We have a new enemy who could bring about our destruction.	Our destruction?  Who?
+Our destruction?  Who?	The son of Skywalker.  You must destroy him ... or he will be our undoing.
+The son of Skywalker.  You must destroy him ... or he will be our undoing.	He's not a Jedi, he's just a boy. Obi-wan could not have taught him so much that ...
+He's not a Jedi, he's just a boy. Obi-wan could not have taught him so much that ...	You are weak!  I have seen it. The Force is strong with him. He must be destroyed.
+You are weak!  I have seen it. The Force is strong with him. He must be destroyed.	But, if he could be turned, he would be a powerful ally.
+But, if he could be turned, he would be a powerful ally.	Yes ... yes.  That would be a great asset.
+Yes ... yes.  That would be a great asset.	He will join us or die, My Master.
+Captain Solo.  What's the situation?	There isn't a hint of life in the area.  But all the perimeter markers are set, so you'll know if anyone comes calling.
+There isn't a hint of life in the area.  But all the perimeter markers are set, so you'll know if anyone comes calling.	Good, and Commander Skywalker?
+Good, and Commander Skywalker?	He's checking out a meteorite that hit near him. He'll be in soon.
+He's checking out a meteorite that hit near him. He'll be in soon.	With all the meteor activity in this system, it's going to be difficult to spot approaching ships.
+With all the meteor activity in this system, it's going to be difficult to spot approaching ships.	The Empire won't look for you out here.  I'd say you're all set ... which means it's time for me to get going.
+That's right.	You're an extraordinary fighter. I hate to lose you.
+You're an extraordinary fighter. I hate to lose you.	Thank you, General.  But there's a price on my head.  If I don't pay off Jabba the Hutt, I'm a walking dead man.
+Thank you, General.  But there's a price on my head.  If I don't pay off Jabba the Hutt, I'm a walking dead man.	I understand.  A death mark is not an easy thing to live with ... Until our paths cross again, may the force be with you.
+Whatever it is, it isn't friendly. I'm going to have a look.  Come on, Chewie.	Wait.  I'll send a patrol with you.
+Wait.  I'll send a patrol with you.	Fine.  But they'll have to take care of themselves.
+Captain Solo, sir. Might I have a word with you?	What is it?
+What is it?	Mistress Leia has been trying to reach you on the communicator, but either you have it turned off, or it is malfunctioning ... if it's damaged, Artoo, could fix it, if you like.
+Mistress Leia has been trying to reach you on the communicator, but either you have it turned off, or it is malfunctioning ... if it's damaged, Artoo, could fix it, if you like.	I shut it off.  What's her royal holiness want?
+I shut it off.  What's her royal holiness want?	She is looking for Master Luke, and assumed he would be here with you.  No one seems to know ...
+I don't know, Artoo.  Sir, might I inquire what's going on?	Go tell your precious Princess ... Luke is dead unless he shows up soon.
+He doesn't make sense to me either, Chewie.	I do hope he's all there ... if you take my meaning.  I would hate to see Master Luke develop a short circuit ...
+I do hope he's all there ... if you take my meaning.  I would hate to see Master Luke develop a short circuit ...	The kid ran into something mean, and it wasn't the cold.
+Transport XJ. get out of here. Go!	The energy shield is down.  We'll be stuck here forever.
+Sir, I was wondering ...	Sit down, and shut up!
+Sit down, and shut up!	It can wait.
+I think we're in trouble.	If I may say so, Sir, I noticed earlier that the entire main para- light system seems to be damaged.
+If I may say so, Sir, I noticed earlier that the entire main para- light system seems to be damaged.	We're in trouble!
+What are you so grouchy about?	Sir, I'm almost afraid to ask, but does shutting down all but emergency power systems include me?
+You, too, golden rod.	I must admit there are times I don't understand human behavior.
+It sounds like it's trying to get in.	I'm going to see what it is.
+We're doomed.  Goodbye, Mistress Leia.  Goodbye, Captain ...	Not collapsing, honey.  It's closing!  This is no cave ...
+I can see the edge of the asteroid field, sir.	Good.  Soon as we're clear, we'll kick this baby into hyperdrive.
+Yes, Your Highness?	You said you were going to stay. What happened?
+You said you were going to stay. What happened?	That bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mantell changed my mind.
+That bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mantell changed my mind.	Does Luke know?
+Does Luke know?	He'll know when he gets back ... Don't give me that look.  Every day more bounty hunters are searching for me.  If I don't pay off Jabba soon, there'll be too many to stop ... Remotes, Gank killers, and who knows what else.  I've got to get that price off my head while I still have a head.
+He'll know when he gets back ... Don't give me that look.  Every day more bounty hunters are searching for me.  If I don't pay off Jabba soon, there'll be too many to stop ... Remotes, Gank killers, and who knows what else.  I've got to get that price off my head while I still have a head.	Han, we need you here.
+Han, we need you here.	We?
+We?	Yes.
+Yes.	Not you?
+Not you?	Me?  I don't know what you mean.
+Me?  I don't know what you mean.	You probably don't.  How could you?  You're so terrified of your own emotions ...
+You probably don't.  How could you?  You're so terrified of your own emotions ...	And what are they, pray tell?
+And what are they, pray tell?	You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me.
+You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me.	I respect you.  You're a bold fighter, maybe not the brightest, but ... HAN No, your worship.. That's not what I'm talking about.
+Am I?  I say you came running after me because you were afraid I was leaving you without even a kiss.	I'd just as soon kiss a wookiee.
+I'd just as soon kiss a wookiee.	There's no accounting for taste. Believe me, you could use a good kiss.  You've spent so much time doing your duty and giving orders you've never learned how to be a woman. It's a shame, because you've got all the makings for one.  I could have helped you plenty in that department ... if you'd have let go for a minute.  But it's too late now, sweetheart.  Your big opportunity is flying out of here.
+There's no accounting for taste. Believe me, you could use a good kiss.  You've spent so much time doing your duty and giving orders you've never learned how to be a woman. It's a shame, because you've got all the makings for one.  I could have helped you plenty in that department ... if you'd have let go for a minute.  But it's too late now, sweetheart.  Your big opportunity is flying out of here.	We are fighting for a cause much ...
+We are fighting for a cause much ...	Spare me please!  Don't tell me about the Rebellion again.  I've had it with your noble mission. All you let yourself think about is the Rebellion.  The result is you're as cold as this planet.
+Spare me please!  Don't tell me about the Rebellion again.  I've had it with your noble mission. All you let yourself think about is the Rebellion.  The result is you're as cold as this planet.	And you think you're the one to apply some heat?
+And you think you're the one to apply some heat?	Sure ... If I were interested. But I don't think it'd be much fun.
+Those creatures he keeps talking about ... we'd better double the security ... Han, I don't know how ...	Forget it.
+Now all we've got to worry about is what attacked him.	No kidding.  If this snowball's got nasty natives, they could be anywhere.
+.... I'm afraid there's not much left.	What was it?
+What was it?	Droid of some kind.  I didn't hit it that hard.  It must have had a self-destruct ....
+Droid of some kind.  I didn't hit it that hard.  It must have had a self-destruct ....	An Imperial probe droid.
+An Imperial probe droid.	Now don't panic.  We don't know that.
+Well, your worship, it looks like you arranged to keep me close by for a while longer.	I had nothing to do with it.  General Rieekan thinks it's dangerous for any ships to leave the system until we know where that probe came from.
+I don't know what he's talking about.	Ooops!  I guess you haven't told Luke about that yet.
+You must have gone completely out of your feeble mind.	Come on, your highness, are you telling me you haven't been thinking about that kiss?
+Why you low-down, stuck-up, half- witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder.	Who's scruffy-looking?  I tell ya' sweetheart, I must've hit pretty close to the mark to get you hoppin' like this.  Doesn't it look that way to you, Luke?
+Hey!  Someone's still in here.	Wait, don't open it ... that's one of the traps for the ice creatures.
+Would it help if I got out and pushed?	Don't worry, your holiness, I'll get her started.
+This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade.	This baby's got a few surprises left in her.
+This baby's got a few surprises left in her.	I'll be surprised if we ever start moving.
+I know, I know, I see them ... LEIA See what?	Two more Star Destroyers heading right at us.
+Two more Star Destroyers heading right at us.	I'm glad you said there was going to be no problem, or I'd be worried.
+That was no laser blast .... some- thing hit us ....	Or you ran into something ....
+Asteroids!  Chewie, bank left, let's find out where they're coming from ...	Probably an asteroid field ....
+Probably an asteroid field ....	Let's hope so ... it's just the chance we need.
+Let's hope so ... it's just the chance we need.	To get killed ... you're not seriously going into an asteroid field?
+To get killed ... you're not seriously going into an asteroid field?	Aren't I?  Hang on, sweetheart. We're gonna do some flyin'.
+Well, you said you wanted to be there when I was wrong.	I take it back.
+I take it back.	That Star Destroyer is slowing down.
+That Star Destroyer is slowing down.	Good.
+But we're going to get pulverized if we stay out here much longer.	I'm against that.
+I'm against that.	We've got to get out of this shower.
+We've got to get out of this shower.	Now you're making sense.
+Now you're making sense.	Right.  I'm going to get in closer to one of these big ones ...
+There, there.  Chewie get a reading on that.  Looks pretty good.	What is it?
+What is it?	That should do nicely.
+Why, Princess, this is so sudden.	Very funny.  You can let go now .... I'm getting angry.
+Very funny.  You can let go now .... I'm getting angry.	You don't look angry.
+You don't look angry.	How do I look?
+How do I look?	Beautiful.
+Sorry, Captain, being held by you isn't enough to get me excited.	Well, I hope you don't expect more.
+Well, I hope you don't expect more.	I don't expect anything, except to be left alone.
+I don't expect anything, except to be left alone.	Fine with me.  But I'm afraid you'll have to let go.
+That was no earthquake.	Felt like a hydro concussion ... an Imperial Cruiser.
+They're moving away.	They're just trying to see if they can stir something up ... we're safe.
+They're just trying to see if they can stir something up ... we're safe.	Where have I heard that before?
+Easy, your worship.  Only trying to help.	Would you please stop calling me that?
+Sure.  I guess I make it difficult sometimes.	Yes, you do.
+Yes, you do.	You could be a touch warmer, though.  Admit it, against your better judgment you think I'm all right.
+Sometimes, maybe ... occasionally, when you aren't acting like a scoundrel.	That's quite a compliment.
+Stop that.	Why?
+What are you afraid of?	Afraid of?  Certainly not you Captain Solo ... or any other man in this galaxy.
+Don't count on it.  I happen to like nice men.	Sure, they're safer.  You always know what they're going to do. Trouble is, it gets a little dull.
+Sure, they're safer.  You always know what they're going to do. Trouble is, it gets a little dull.	There's nothing dull about a man I can depend on to be civilized.
+There's nothing dull about a man I can depend on to be civilized.	You mean a man you can control.
+You mean a man you can control.	I do not!
+I do not!	Try and control this ...
+There's something out there!	Where?
+Where?	Outside, in the cave.
+Are you crazy!	Look, we just got this bucket going again.  I'm not about to let some varmint tear it apart ...
+Looks like some kind of Mynock.	There will be more of them.  They always travel in groups.  And there's nothing they like better than to attach themselves to ships. Just what we need right now.
+Those Star Destroyers will spot us long before you can get into light speed.  You can't make the jump in this asteroid field.	Strap yourself in, sweetheart, we're taking off!
+Strap yourself in, sweetheart, we're taking off!	But the tremors have stopped.
+I see it Chewie, hang on.	The entrance is collapsing!
+Couldn't be, I checked the transfer circuits, just like you said!  I tell you this time it's not my fault.  I'm sure I checked it.	No lightspeed?
+No lightspeed?	It's not my fault.  I can't under- stand it!
+Sharp bank, Chewie.  Let's turn this bucket around.  You heard me, turn around!  Full power on the front shield.	You're going to attack them?!!!
+You could have warned him before you shut him off.	Oh, so sorry!  Didn't mean to offend your droid.  You think braking and shutting down in that amount of time is easy?
+Oh, so sorry!  Didn't mean to offend your droid.  You think braking and shutting down in that amount of time is easy?	I'm still not sure what you've accomplished.
+I'm still not sure what you've accomplished.	Chewie, check the manual release on the landing claws.
+What'd you have in mind for your next move?	The fleet is finally breaking up. I'm hoping they'll follow standard Imperial procedure and dump their garbage before they go into light speed.
+Not bad, hot shot, not bad.  Then what?	Then we have to find a safe port around here.  Got any ideas?
+Then we have to find a safe port around here.  Got any ideas?	That depends.  Where are we?
+That depends.  Where are we?	Here ... near the Anoat system.
+Funny, I have the feeling I've been in this area before.  Let me check my logs.	You keep logs?  My, how organized.
+You keep logs?  My, how organized.	Well, sometimes ... Ah-hah, I knew it!  Lando Calrissian.
+Well, sometimes ... Ah-hah, I knew it!  Lando Calrissian.	Never heard of that system.
+Never heard of that system.	Lando's not a system, he's a man. A gambler, con-artist ... all- around scoundrel ...  ... your kind of guy.  The system is called Bespin.  It's a ways from here, but reachable.
+Lando's not a system, he's a man. A gambler, con-artist ... all- around scoundrel ...  ... your kind of guy.  The system is called Bespin.  It's a ways from here, but reachable.	A mining colony.
+A mining colony.	A Tibanna gas mine.  Lando won it in a sabacc match, or so he claims. Lando and I go way back.
+A Tibanna gas mine.  Lando won it in a sabacc match, or so he claims. Lando and I go way back.	Can you trust him?
+Can you trust him?	No.  But he has no love for the Empire, that much I know ...
+You do have your moments ... Not many, but you do have them.	Let Ôer go, Chewie.
+I don't like this.	It'll be all right.  Trust me.  And keep your eyes open.  You wait here.
+What are you staring at?	Who's staring?
+Who's staring?	You look silly.
+You look silly.	You look great.
+You look great.	Has Threepio turned up yet?
+Has Threepio turned up yet?	Huh?  Oh.  Your droid's been gone too long just to be lost.  He may have gotten into some trouble. Chewie went to look for him.  Come over here.  I want to check this out.
+I hope Luke made it to the fleet all right.	Luke!  I'm sure he's fine.  Probably sitting around wondering what we're doing right now.
+He found him in a junk pile ...	Something's wrong here.  Your friend Lando is very charming, but I don't trust him.
+Something's wrong here.  Your friend Lando is very charming, but I don't trust him.	Well, I do trust him.  Lando's an old friend.  Must have been an accident.
+Well, I do trust him.  Lando's an old friend.  Must have been an accident.	Chewie, do you think you can repair him?
+No thanks.	Look, sweetheart, I'm not going to have you accusing my friend of ...
+I was worried about you.	I'm worried about all of us.  I can't figure out what they're up to.
+I'm worried about all of us.  I can't figure out what they're up to.	Me either.  They had me howling on the scan grid, but they never asked me any questions.
+... I love you.  I couldn't tell you before, but it's true.	... just remember that, Ôcause I'll be back ...
+Loud and clear, kid.  What's up?	I've finished my circle and I haven't picked up any life read- ings.
+I've finished my circle and I haven't picked up any life read- ings.	There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser. My sentry markers are placed. I'm heading back to the base.
+There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser. My sentry markers are placed. I'm heading back to the base.	I'll see you shortly. A meteorite just hit the ground near here and I want to check it out .. Won't be long.
+Hi kid, you look strong enough to wrestle a Gundark.	Thanks to you.
+Thanks to you.	That's two you owe me, junior.
+Probe?  What probe?	That makes a good story.  But I think you just can't bear to let me out of your sight.
+About what?	Now don't get the wrong idea, pal. She was just trying to express her true feelings for me.
+I hope you make your peace with Jabba.	Don't worry.  You haven't seen the last of us.
+Why you slimy, double-crossing no-good swindler ... am I glad to see you.	No hard feelings?
+No hard feelings?	Are you kidding?
+Are you kidding?	I always said you were a gentleman.
+I always said you were a gentleman.	I'll bet.
+That won't be easy, my friend ... What brings you here, anyway?	Repairs ...
+Repairs ...	What have you done to my ship?
+That ship saved my life a few times.  It's the fastest hunk of machinery in the galaxy.  What's wrong with her?	Hyperdrive.
+Hyperdrive.	I'll have my people get to work on it right away.  Hate the thought of the Millennium Falcon without her heart.
+How's your mining operation going?	Not as well as I'd like.  We're a small outpost and not very self- sufficient.  I've had supply problems of every kind and ...  What's so funny?
+Not as well as I'd like.  We're a small outpost and not very self- sufficient.  I've had supply problems of every kind and ...  What's so funny?	Nothing.  I never would have guessed that underneath that wild schemer I knew was a respon- sible leader and businessman ... But you wear it well.
+Sorry friend, I had no choice. They arrived right before you did.	I'm sorry too.
+Get out of here, Lando!	Shut up a minute and listen.  I'm doing what I can to make this easier for you.
+Shut up a minute and listen.  I'm doing what I can to make this easier for you.	This ought to be good.
+This ought to be good.	Vader agreed to turn Leia and Chewie over to me.  They'll have to stay here, but at least they'll be safe.
+You don't know much about much if you think Vader won't want us dead before this is over.	He doesn't want you at all.  He's after someone named Skywalker.
+He doesn't want you at all.  He's after someone named Skywalker.	Luke?  I don't get it.
+All this just to get the kid? What's so important about him?	Don't ask me, but he's on his way.
+Don't shoot!  I've done what I can for you.  I'm sorry it's not better, but I've got my own problems.  I've already stuck my neck out further than I should ...	Yeah, you're a real hero.
+What about Leia and the Wookiee?	You will find them well enough. But they must never again leave this city.
+You will find them well enough. But they must never again leave this city.	That was never mentioned.  Neither was this bounty hunter taking Han. I hope you haven't forgotten our bargain.
+That was never mentioned.  Neither was this bounty hunter taking Han. I hope you haven't forgotten our bargain.	I forget nothing, Calrissian. Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly.
+I forget nothing, Calrissian. Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly.	No.
+No.	Good.  It would be most unfortunate if I had to leave a permanent garrison here.
+We only use this chamber for carbon freezing.  If you put him in there, it'll kill him.	I think not.  But I don't wish my prize to be damaged.  We'll test it first.  Bring in Captain Solo.
+I'll take what's mine now.	Take them, but I'm keeping a detachment of troops here to watch over them.
+Take them, but I'm keeping a detachment of troops here to watch over them.	That wasn't the bargain.  You said the Empire wouldn't interfere in--
+That wasn't the bargain.  You said the Empire wouldn't interfere in--	I'm altering the bargain.  Pray I don't alter it any further.
+Hello!  What have we here?  Welcome, I am Baron Lando Calrissian, Administrator of this facility ... and who might you be?	You may call me Leia.
+Sorry, am I interrupting anything?	Not really.
+Not really.	I must say, your beauty is unpar- alleled.  Truly you belong here with us among the clouds.
+I must say, your beauty is unpar- alleled.  Truly you belong here with us among the clouds.	Thanks.
+Thanks.	Would you care to join me for a little refreshment?
+.... We are a free station and do not fall under the jurisdiction of the Empire.	You're part of the mining guild then?
+You're part of the mining guild then?	Not actually .... Our operation is small enough not to be noticed, so you might say we're enterprisers. Most of our trade is, well ... unofficial.
+It's a lovely outpost.	Yes, we keep pollution down by having the power reactor far below the city.  It's connected by a transfer shaft.
+What about Han?	I didn't know you had a price on your head.  Vader has given you to the bounty hunter.
+Lord Vader has set a trap for him and ...	... we're the bait.
+What's going on?	I'm coming over to your side, that's what.  And I have a feeling I'm making a big mistake.
+I'm coming over to your side, that's what.  And I have a feeling I'm making a big mistake.	And when do you betray us again?
+Look, I stand to lose everything by this.	We have no use for your kind.
+We have no use for your kind.	This is no time to be choosy, honey.  What do you say we debate this later?  There's still a chance I can get you out of here.
+Chewie's right.  We must try to save Han.	There's not much chance, but the bounty hunter's ship is on the East Landing Platform.
+Very noble.  Not smart, but noble.	You've probably never done an honorable thing in your life.
+You've probably never done an honorable thing in your life.	Sure I did ... once.  It turned out lousy.
+Sure I did ... once.  It turned out lousy.	What chance have we got in here? What are we going to do when they cut ...
+You'd better know what you're doing, or this is going to get very messy.	Don't worry about a thing.  I'll get us going.
+We've got to find Luke.	His fate is sealed.  You'll be lucky to get out yourself.  All systems are on alert.  everything's locked.
+What'd you say?	I didn't say anything?
+I knew that set-up was too good to last .... I'm going to miss it.	Luke!
+Luke!	What?
+What?	Luke needs help.  We must go back.
+No argument, just do it.  That's a command!	Wait a minute.  We're not going back there.
+Someone's falling.	It's Luke.  Get under him.  Slow down.  Easy Chewie.  Line up your tracking system.  Lando, open the hatch.
+The deflector shields are gone.	Are the coordinates set?
+I'm sure my men fixed it.  We've got nothing to worry about.	That sounds familiar.
+Nothing more can be done tonight. The shield doors must be closed. I can't wait any longer.  I'm sorry.	I understand.
+The speeders should be ready in the morning.  They'll make the search easier.	Is there any chance of them surviving out there?
+Is there any chance of them surviving out there?	Slim, but yes, there's a chance. They have a shelter.  It's not much, but ...
+Have they analyzed the one that was killed?	Not yet.  They're working on it now.
+We've picked up something outside the base in zone one, moving East.	What is it?
+Two transports at a time is awfully risky.	We have no choice.  Send them up ... and start clearing everyone out.
+You rest now.	So much has happened during the period of your indisposition, sir.
+So much has happened during the period of your indisposition, sir.	I'll be back later.
+You don't have to do this to impress me.	If I might remind you, sir, the probability of successfully navi- gating through an asteroid field is approximately 365,000 to one ... a graceful surrender might not be ...
+Closer?!	Closer?!
+A tremor!	Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not stable.
+What??	Oh my, no!
+Sir, we've lost the rear deflector shield.  One more direct hit on the back quarter and we're done for.	Well, what now?
+Rather touchy, aren't they.	I thought you knew this person.
+Artoo, you did it!  I never doubted you for a second ...	Let's go.
+The Bacta are growing well.  The scars should be gone in a day or so.  Does it still hurt?	I'm fine.  Really.  Leia ... when I was out there and it looked pretty bad ... well, it made me think about things.
+I'm fine.  Really.  Leia ... when I was out there and it looked pretty bad ... well, it made me think about things.	Me too.  I was afraid.
+Leia ... What would you think if I went away for a while?	What did you say?!
+Where are you going?	I have this ... feeling.  I'm not sure, really ...
+I have this ... feeling.  I'm not sure, really ...	That's just great.  Why doesn't everyone just take off?
+That's just great.  Why doesn't everyone just take off?	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	First Han, now you.  When am I going to learn not to count on anyone but myself? ...
+First Han, now you.  When am I going to learn not to count on anyone but myself? ...	Han's leaving?
+Calm down, will ya?  Tell me about Han.	He wants to pay off that criminal he's in hock to.
+He wants to pay off that criminal he's in hock to.	Jabba the Hutt?
+Jabba the Hutt?	I could get more loyalty if I went down the hall and recruited some of those snow creatures.
+I could get more loyalty if I went down the hall and recruited some of those snow creatures.	Snow creatures ... they're here?!
+Leia!	Luke, no!  It's a trap.
+Lando, is he alright? ... Lando? Are you there?  How's Luke?	He'll survive.
+This hyperdrive had better work.	I've never seen it fail.
+Ready are you?  What know you of ready?  I have trained Jedi for 800 years.  My own counsel I'll keep on who is to be trained.	Why not me?
+Why not me?	To become a Jedi takes the deepest commitment, the most serious mind.
+I have followed my feelings.	You are reckless!
+I will not fail you.  I'm not afraid.	You will be, my young one.  Heh. You will be.
+It would be in seven pieces, were you a Jedi.	I thought I was in good shape.
+I thought I was in good shape.	Yes, but by what standard, ask I?  Forget your old measures. Unlearn, heh, unlearn.
+Master, moving rocks is one thing, but this is a little different.	No!  No different!  The differences are in your mind.  Throw them out! No longer of use are they to you.
+No!  No different!  The differences are in your mind.  Throw them out! No longer of use are they to you.	Okay.  I'll give it a try.
+Okay.  I'll give it a try.	No.  Try not.  Do, do.  Or do not. There is no try.
+I can't. It's too big.	Size has no meaning.  It matters not.  Look at me.  Judge me by my size do you?
+I don't believe it.	That is why you fail.
+Concentration.  Heh?  Concentration.	I thought those seekers were set for stun!
+I thought those seekers were set for stun!	That they are.
+That they are.	They're a lot stronger than I'm used to.
+They're a lot stronger than I'm used to.	That would matter not were The Force flowing through you.  Higher you'd jump!  Faster you'd move! Open yourself to The Force you must.
+No, no.  This will not do.  Anger is what you feel.	But I feel The Force flowing!
+But I feel The Force flowing!	Anger, fear, aggression!  The dark side of The Force are they.  Easily they flow ... quick to join you in a fight.  Beware, beware, beware of them.  A heavy price is paid for the power they bring.
+Price?  What do you mean?	The dark side beckons.  But if once start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.  Consume you it will ... as it did Obi-wan's apprentice.
+The dark side beckons.  But if once start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.  Consume you it will ... as it did Obi-wan's apprentice.	Lord Vader ... Is the dark side stronger?
+Lord Vader ... Is the dark side stronger?	No, no.  Easier, quicker, more seductive.
+No, no.  Easier, quicker, more seductive.	But how am I to know the good side from the dark?
+But how am I to know the good side from the dark?	You will know.  When you are at peace ... calm ... passive.  A Jedi uses The Force for knowledge and defense.  Never for attack.
+You will know.  When you are at peace ... calm ... passive.  A Jedi uses The Force for knowledge and defense.  Never for attack.	But tell me why ...
+But tell me why ...	No!  Nothing more will I tell you now. Clear your mind of questions ... Quiet now be ... at peace ...
+Four this time!  The Force you feel.	Yes ... I also feel danger ... death.  Something's not right.
+I feel cold.	This tree is strong with the dark side of The Force.  A servant of evil it is.  Into it you must go.
+This tree is strong with the dark side of The Force.  A servant of evil it is.  Into it you must go.	What's in there?
+What's in there?	Only what you take with you.
+Ben?  Ben?	Free your mind and return he will.
+Free your mind and return he will.	My mind fills with so many images.
+My mind fills with so many images.	Control, control you must learn of what you see.  Not easy, not fast.
+Control, control you must learn of what you see.  Not easy, not fast.	I see a city in the clouds.
+I see a city in the clouds.	Bespin.  I see it too ... Friends you have there, heh?  Concentrate and see them you will.
+Bespin.  I see it too ... Friends you have there, heh?  Concentrate and see them you will.	I see them! ... They're in pain ... they're suffering.
+I see them! ... They're in pain ... they're suffering.	It is the future you see.
+Will they die?	Difficult to see.  Always in motion is the future ... Back away, little machine!
+They're my friends.	Foreknowledge is helpful, but painful sometimes and dangerous too.  You have far to go in your training.
+Yes, yes.  To Obi-wan you listen young one.  The tree.  Remember your failure at the tree!  Heh?	I've learned so much since then.  And I'll return to finish ... I promise that, master.
+And sacrifice Han and Leia?	If it must be.  Yes.
+The fear does not reach you.  You have learned more than I anticipated.	You'll find I'm full of surprises.
+You'll find I'm full of surprises.	And I too.
+Your future lies with us, Skywalker. Now you will embrace the dark side. Obi-wan knew this to be true.	No!
+No!	There is much Obi-wan did not tell you.  Come, The Emperor will complete your training.
+There is much Obi-wan did not tell you.  Come, The Emperor will complete your training.	I'll die first.
+I'll die first.	That won't be necessary.
+All too easy.  Perhaps you are not as strong as The Emperor thought.	Time will tell.
+The Force runs strong in the Skywalker line.  You will achieve great power ... Come, join with me!  Together we will be the most powerful ... even stronger than The Emperor.	No! .... Never ....
+There is no escape.  You must join me or die.  Don't make me destroy you here ... The Emperor is strong with The Force.  But if you join me, together we could overthrow Him.  Do not resist. It is our destiny!	Never.
+The Hoth System?	Yes, Sir .... we have visuals ... the System is supposed to be devoid of human forms ...
+Yes, My Lord.	Make ready to land General Veers' assault troops on the surface. Then deploy the fleet so that nothing can get off that system. You're in command now, Admiral Piett.
+Seventeen ships destroyed, we don't know how many got away.	Anything on the Millennium Falcon?
+Anything on the Millennium Falcon?	It won't get through the blockade.
+It won't get through the blockade.	I want that ship.
+Did you call the Zoo?	Yes, sir.  We're in luck.  The sick bay's almost empty except for a mauled fox cub, a deer with pneumonia, and a depressed gorilla. The Apes will be hidden from the public.  They'll be quarantined. If they want medical attention, it's available on the spot.  And the experts can start giving them the once-over first thing in the morning. General Brody's very pleased.
+Yes, sir.  We're in luck.  The sick bay's almost empty except for a mauled fox cub, a deer with pneumonia, and a depressed gorilla. The Apes will be hidden from the public.  They'll be quarantined. If they want medical attention, it's available on the spot.  And the experts can start giving them the once-over first thing in the morning. General Brody's very pleased.	Me, too.  Can't have a lot of monkeys making messes in the Guardhouse.  Have we fed them?  Like raw steak or something?
+Me, too.  Can't have a lot of monkeys making messes in the Guardhouse.  Have we fed them?  Like raw steak or something?	The Zoo tells me that chimpanzees, like all apes, are vegetarian, sir.
+The Zoo tells me that chimpanzees, like all apes, are vegetarian, sir.	Good God.
+Good God.	They suggested oranges.
+Excuse me.  I didn't mean to disturb....  What am I saying?	They're...pretending to dress.
+They're...pretending to dress.	What d'you mean, pretending? They are dressing.  Where'd they get those clothes?
+So am I.  And I mean you no harm.	We know that.
+Do you have a name?	My name is Cornelius.  And this is Zira -- my wife.
+My name is Cornelius.  And this is Zira -- my wife.	My name is Lewis -- Lewis Dixon .
+Nobody's going to believe it.	Believe what?
+Believe what?	That primitive apes can talk.
+In some fashion -- and I lack the intellect to know precisely how -- we have traveled from Earth's future into Earth's past.	But we saw Earth destroyed.
+But we saw Earth destroyed.	And Earth will be destroyed -- just as we saw it.  Only, since fleeing it, we have passed through a....backward disturbance in time -- did you notice the Date Meter clicking down after the shock wave hit our ship? -- and we have returned to Earth almost two thousand years before its destruction.  That is another reason for keeping silence.  Our human captors would not be edified to know that, one day, their world will crack like an egg and fry to a cinder, because of an Ape war of aggression.
+Zira, are you mad?	Dr. Milo, please don't call my wife mad.
+Dr. Milo, please don't call my wife mad.	I did not call her mad.  I merely asked her if she was.  And I repeat the question.  Are you mad?
+To a lot of psychiatric small talk --	And we can watch ...
+And we can watch ...	A display of primitive apparatus --
+What, Lewis?	There was a sort of carpetbag in the ship.
+There was a sort of carpetbag in the ship.	With food?
+With food?	No -- clothes.  Stevie, they changed into them.
+No -- clothes.  Stevie, they changed into them.	I don't believe it.
+What are they doing here?	Security.  Join the Marines and see the Zoo ...
+Go easy, Stevie.	They look pretty docile.
+They look pretty docile.	Yes, but don't take any chances.
+We shall want a full autopsy ...	With particular emphasis on the cranial and oral areas.
+With particular emphasis on the cranial and oral areas.	Keep him in cold storage till the reports in.  Then send him to Taxidermy.  He's a museum piece.
+But he isn't us.  He's your own kind.	He's a gorilla.
+I mean he's of your race. He's an Ape.  Look.  You don't have to be afraid.  We've put him in chains and under sedation. Do you understand that?	I should.  I've been doing it half my life to Humans.
+I should.  I've been doing it half my life to Humans.	Humans?
+Humans?	I'm a psychiatrist.
+Primitive?	I mean that in our 'primitive' civilization, apes just don't talk. I mean I think it's important that, when our 'primitive' security precautions are lifted, the first time you say something in public you should talk to what we 'primitively' call the Right People.
+May I say something personal?	Please
+Please	I like you.
+ComStat did a psychosearch on him. Used a database of 5 million sociopathic personalities. He hit the bottom of the curve.	Perfect for the mission. Nobody else can pull it off - not an army, not a man.
+Perfect for the mission. Nobody else can pull it off - not an army, not a man.	Zero emotional developments. Total lack of compassion. A highly developed psychopathic instinct to survive.
+Somehow during the tour, she came into possession of a prototype transmitting device. We don't know how.	Utopia became depressed after her mother's suicide, began to withdraw into her virtual reality simulator. She'd punch up her own little world in cyberspace and stay in it for days at a time.  Somebody else was in there with her.
+The cigarette girl in New Vegas was an undercover cop. She injected you with incentive toxin. Right now it's swimming in your bloodstream. It'll start to take effect in 9 hours.	It's a strain of the Plutoxin 7 virus. Genetically engineered. 100% pure death. Complete nervous system shutdown. You crash and bleed out like a stuck pig. Not a pretty sight.
+L.A. is in a constant state of warfare. Gangs fighting for the right to rule.	Heavy Third World connections. They get weapons, drugs, fuel, choppers - everything is pumped into the island from the south.
+Heavy Third World connections. They get weapons, drugs, fuel, choppers - everything is pumped into the island from the south.	Some areas have power - they're on line to San Onofre.
+His reactor's starting to overheat.	Plissken, slow down the sub. You're overloading the power plant.
+You were injected with glucose. There is no Plutoxin 7 virus. You were never going to die - at least not from anything we gave you.	C'mon, Snake - it's L.A. Everything's phony, you know that.
+Who's that?	You never heard of Snake Plissken?
+He doesn't look like his picture.  I bet he's fake.	Now go get dressed. We have things to do.
+Now go get dressed. We have things to do.	Are we going to eat soon? I'm starved.
+Ooww!	Go on now. Do as I say.
+Cuervo...?	You're my woman, you understand? You don't let anybody take you away from me without a fight.
+You're my woman, you understand? You don't let anybody take you away from me without a fight.	I tried...
+I tried...	Nobody leaves Cuervo Jones. Not unless you give your life. You fight till you're dead. Then I forgive you.  Understand?  Understand?
+Nobody leaves Cuervo Jones. Not unless you give your life. You fight till you're dead. Then I forgive you.  Understand?  Understand?	Yes...
+Come on, Cuervo. I delivered him, didn't I? All I'm asking for is what you promised.	We'll see.
+Where is he?	He jumped. Down there.  He's dead, Cuervo. I did it. I killed Plissken.
+Give it to me.	You said I could be Vice-President, Cuervo. Your right-hand man.
+You said I could be Vice-President, Cuervo. Your right-hand man.	Give it.
+Give it.	Sure, Cuervo, but look here. I've done it all, man. I killed Plissken, I got your girl back, I got it all. Just for you, Cuervo. Just for you.
+You're about to get hit, Cuervo. It's Plissken.	You told me he was dead.
+You told me he was dead.	I thought he was, but he came back.
+I thought he was, but he came back.	Where?
+Oh Cuervo...	What?
+What?	It's so good to see you again.
+It's so good to see you again.	Where's Plissken?
+Where's Plissken?	He's... near.
+He's... near.	You're stalling, Eddie.  Talk, you little gringo!
+You're stalling, Eddie.  Talk, you little gringo!	Cuervo, look out behind you!
+I wouldn't be doin' that, Snake.	We have a little arrangement. Anything happens to me, you're dead.
+Wait a minute. All right. Hold on.	Cuervo Jones has more firepower than two armies. No one gets near him.
+Why should we leave? I love L.A. Where we gonna go? What's the payoff?	I'd like to get out but I don't have enough money.
+Shit.	You always were a loser, Plissken. Makin' things up as you go along. That's why I cut out on you in Cleveland. You're just a bum like the rest of us.
+Where'd you get these rigs, Carjack?	My name is Hershe Hernandez, do you understand, cowboy?
+I need a favor.	What's in it for me?
+Wait a minute. I know that voice.  You're Carjack Malone.	Not anymore.
+I was called away on urgent business, Snake.	Don't lie to me.
+Don't lie to me.	All right, so I made another deal.
+All right, so I made another deal.	I got a new deal for you.
+I'm already dead.	I see your point. What's the favor?
+I see your point. What's the favor?	Get me to Cuervo Jones. Get me to the Kingdom. I got one hour.
+Get me to Cuervo Jones. Get me to the Kingdom. I got one hour.	Dream on, blue eye.
+Dream on, blue eye.	Say goodnight, Carjack.
+So what's the deal, gorgeous?	We get the girl and the prototype. And we get out.
+I don't know, sounds thin to me.	You want to stay here, while Cuervo Jones rules the world?
+You want to stay here, while Cuervo Jones rules the world?	No, that sucks.  How are we getting out?
+No, that sucks.  How are we getting out?	I don't know yet.
+See you in hell, Snake.	If I'm late, Carjack, don't start without me.
+She's overloaded! We're too heavy.	Somebody get off!
+I think we've burned off enough fuel. We may be lighter enough to hover. Just barely.	Can you land?
+Can you land?	No. The right skid's broken. If I try to set it down she'll crash. I have to stay in a hoverwhile you jump off.  Hey, Carjack. We gotta hide the girl. Give her your dress.
+No. The right skid's broken. If I try to set it down she'll crash. I have to stay in a hoverwhile you jump off.  Hey, Carjack. We gotta hide the girl. Give her your dress.	My name is no longer Carjack. Will you please get that through your fucking head?
+How you doin' Plissken?  You like the watch?	You assholes didn't bring me here to give me this for 20 years of dedicated service. What'ya want?
+Shut up, Plissken.	What's the little black box do?
+What's the little black box do?	Top secret. Only on a need to know.
+Top secret. Only on a need to know.	And I don't need to know. So fuck you, I'm goin' to Hollywood.
+And I don't need to know. So fuck you, I'm goin' to Hollywood.	That's right, big shot. Unless you do what we want you're not coming back.
+That's right, big shot. Unless you do what we want you're not coming back.	So what's the deal, huh? Go into L.A., find the President's daughter, secure the box, and bring 'em both out - and I'm free?
+So what's the deal, huh? Go into L.A., find the President's daughter, secure the box, and bring 'em both out - and I'm free?	That's the deal.
+That's the deal.	Tell the President to adopt. I think I'll like L.A.
+Wait a minute, what are you talkin' about?	Having second thoughts?
+Having second thoughts?	Maybe. But you're not putting any shit in me this time.
+Maybe. But you're not putting any shit in me this time.	You don't understand. It's already in you.
+Get this crap out of me.	I guess we have a deal. Nice to be working with you, Plissken.
+I guess we have a deal. Nice to be working with you, Plissken.	Call me Snake.
+I'll need to know more about this thing.	Only a handful of people are aware of its existence. Let's just say it's the ultimate defensive weapon.
+Only a handful of people are aware of its existence. Let's just say it's the ultimate defensive weapon.	Defense against what?
+Defense against what?	There's a war about to be declared, or didn't you know?
+Third World wants to live like we do - and they plan on taking what they want. The Cubans and Brazilians are ready to invade Miami. If the Africans and Colombians make a run at the border, we got a full scale attack on the United States.	So what does this thing do?
+So what does this thing do?	All you need to know is get it back here by 5 a.m.
+Where do I put ashore?	Cahuenga Pass. Make your way up through the mountains toward the Hollywood Bowl. You should be able to pick up Utopia's tracer there.  Once you go inside, you're on your own.  You know what you have to do with the girl, don't you?  We have to spare this nation her trial - for treason.
+Cahuenga Pass. Make your way up through the mountains toward the Hollywood Bowl. You should be able to pick up Utopia's tracer there.  Once you go inside, you're on your own.  You know what you have to do with the girl, don't you?  We have to spare this nation her trial - for treason.	So you want me to take her out?  Is that an order from the President?
+So you want me to take her out?  Is that an order from the President?	Let's just say it's what's best for the country.
+Let's just say it's what's best for the country.	By the way - who gives me the anti-toxin?
+By the way - who gives me the anti-toxin?	A medical team will be standing by.
+A medical team will be standing by.	Not you?
+Not you?	No.
+No.	Good.
+She's in the green.	Lock fuel rods.
+Lock fuel rods.	Locked.
+Locked.	Nuclear turbine to 75% power.
+75% power.	Hands on switches and counting. 5...4...3...2...1. Launch.
+Plissken...?	I'm here.
+I'm here.	Where's the submarine? It's disappeared off our screens.
+Where's the submarine? It's disappeared off our screens.	It's history. I gotta go.
+Plissken - this is Malloy. Do you have the prototype?	Yeah, I got it.
+Got a smoke?	You're gonna have to learn to respect the law, Snake. The United States is a no- smoking nation. No smoking, no drinking, do drugs, no women unless you're married, no guns, no foul language. It's a brand new day for you, Snake.
+You're gonna have to learn to respect the law, Snake. The United States is a no- smoking nation. No smoking, no drinking, do drugs, no women unless you're married, no guns, no foul language. It's a brand new day for you, Snake.	The name's Plissken.
+It's the President, for Christ's sake!	I give you my word. Put the prototype into my hands, and you're a free man.
+Getting ready to invade.	So where's Plissken?
+The prototype appears to be armed, Mr. President.  Shall I begin evacuation?	Does he know how to activate it?
+Does he know how to activate it?	Well, yeah. All you have to do is push the button.
+Relax, war hero. We took you for a ride, and you came through. Not bad for a dirtbag like you.	You're free, Plissken. But if you even so much as break wind on a country road I'll crush you like a bug.
+You're a star in your own right, you know that? Hey, I'm Map To The Stars Eddie. How you doin'?	Where'd they go?
+Where'd they go?	Man, I'd love to have your autograph, Snake.
+Where are they?	Who? You mean Cuervo Jones? He's the man with the juice, Snake. Got the President's daughter. Setting up a citywide truce. Big doings.
+Location.	Cuervo's got a place near Venice, where the big birds fly. Nice digs, too. I've been there, y'know.
+Too many people know where you're going, Snake. That's not good. Delgado and his men were back there waiting for you.	Delgado?
+Delgado?	Cuervo Jones' right-hand man. One tough hombre. You don't understand, Snake. Cuervo Jones wants to unify the island. We're on the move, man. Big time.
+Stop the damn car.	No way.
+No way.	I said pull over.
+I said pull over.	All right. Anything for you, Snake.  Although I was going to take you to Cuervo Jones' place.
+Where is it?	Right over there.
+Where are they going?	Oh, man... You didn't have to hit me, Snake. I can help you.
+Not yet.	I could've helped you. We coulda made a deal with Cuervo. If you'd listen...
+Listen up. I need directions. Downtown. Somebody named Hershe.	Sure, Snake. No problem.  You gonna kill me?
+Sure, Snake. No problem.  You gonna kill me?	Later.
+Later.	I couldn't help it, Snake. I had to shoot you. Cuervo made me do it, I swear to God, man.
+I couldn't help it, Snake. I had to shoot you. Cuervo made me do it, I swear to God, man.	Cease fire with the bullshit.
+Cease fire with the bullshit.	Right. Keep goin' straight. Two blocks down, turn right.
+How do you know all this?	I used to represent the guy who invented it. I swear to God, Snake. No bullshit.
+Me too?	We'll see.
+Aw, come on, Snake.	Bluebacks. I'm not bullshittin'. I swear to God.
+I don't know about this thing.	Don't like it, don't come.
+I got an idea, Snake.  This looks like the prototype, right?	Yeah, kinda.
+Yeah, kinda.	So maybe we can pull off a Texas switch on Cuervo.
+So maybe we can pull off a Texas switch on Cuervo.	If he lets you get close enough.
+Is that what I think it is?	Yeah. The place kept changing owners. Finally went bankrupt. That thing in Paris killed 'em.
+What're you doing in here?	Looking to get out.
+Looking to get out.	Good. I want you out. This is my sewer.
+Good. I want you out. This is my sewer.	Which way?
+Say, you need anything, Snake? Guns? Explosives? I can get you a crate of hellfire grenades, no problem - five hours.	Yeah. So how do I get to Venice?
+Yeah. So how do I get to Venice?	All the sewers are collapsed under Venice. You have to go topside. Right up there.
+Kind of a bad neighborhood, Snake.	Which way to the Hollywood Bowl?
+Which way to the Hollywood Bowl?	Down that way.
+Could be a big one comin' any minute now...	Where's... Cuervo Jones...?
+Where's... Cuervo Jones...?	Long gone. You'll never catch up with him now, Snake.
+Long gone. You'll never catch up with him now, Snake.	Where?
+Where?	Anaheim. Headquarters for everything. The whole town's gonna be there. Things changin' fast around here, Snake. It's not the same as the old days, man.
+You ain't doin' so good, Snake. You need help.  You should talk to Hershe. She hates Cuervo. They used to be partners, but they split up.	Who?
+Who?	Hershe. She lives downtown with Mojo Dellasandro in the big boat. Down that way.
+Hi, Snake. It's so great to meet you. My name's Taslima. I'm a fan of yours.	Are you crazy?
+Are you crazy?	A little bit. But pretty soon I'm gonna be dead. So are you, Snake.
+What are they?	They live here, used to be like us. But after too many silicon implants, their muscles turned to jelly. The only way they survive is to have body parts transplanted over and over again.  Snake, nobody who comes into Beverly Hills gets out alive.
+They live here, used to be like us. But after too many silicon implants, their muscles turned to jelly. The only way they survive is to have body parts transplanted over and over again.  Snake, nobody who comes into Beverly Hills gets out alive.	No screamin' shit.
+No screamin' shit.	Oh no, it's the Doctor.
+Oh no, it's the Doctor.	Who?
+Who?	The Surgeon General of Beverly Hills.
+Don't follow me.	You need help.
+You need help.	Like hell I do.
+This is a dead end.  You took us into a dead end!	I just thought you wanted to get away. I didn't know you wanted to go someplace.
+Be careful of the bald cats. They live in these buildings.	The what?
+How do we get out of here?	Sewers. Come on.
+Snake - what is it?	How the hell am I supposed to know? This is your damn city.
+Why don't you get out of L.A.? Take a boat to China, take an airplane to Brazil?  Earthquakes, death, shit. Why do you stay?	I don't know. Somehow, I just can't leave.
+I changed my mind. I'm going with you, wherever you're going.	What the hell is this?
+What the hell is this?	The freeway.
+The freeway.	I know that. There are people in some of these cars.
+I know that. There are people in some of these cars.	It's where they live. I guess after everything happened, they just needed to do what they'd always done before. During the daytime, they just pull down the shades on their windows and sleep.
+What are you gonna do in Venice?	Find Cuervo Jones.
+Find Cuervo Jones.	No! Stay away, Snake. He's mucho muerte.
+Run, Snake...They're coming.	Who?
+I can see you're real concerned about your daughter.	Utopia is lost to me. My daughter is gone.
+Utopia is lost to me. My daughter is gone.	Well, I'll think it over.
+Well, I'll think it over.	You're running out of time.
+You're running out of time.	I've been doin' that all my life. Might as well do it in L.A. Everybody else there is.
+Get ready, shitheads. We're comin' in.	Thank God.
+Where's the anti-toxin...?	Give me the prototype.
+Hey, what's going down, Snake?	I'm looking for somebody.
+I'm looking for somebody.	Who ain't?
+You owe me. You left me holdin' everything back there in Cleveland.	Hershe, you were in Cleveland?
+Hershe, you were in Cleveland?	Yeah. With me and Texas Mike O'Shay.
+All of us?	Yeah.
+The President's promised to give whoever helps me 1 million dollars.	Yeah? Greenbacks? I got ten million of them.
+Yeah? Greenbacks? I got ten million of them.	Uh-uh. Bluebacks.
+Is he coming?	He heard Lady Guenevere's request and he said nothing. That is all.
+In the name of God, of St. Michael, and St. George, I make you a knight. Rise, Sir...	...Perceval!
+There is one thing left to do... Excalibur... And you must do it, Perceval. Leave my wounds, I command you.	I cannot--
+I cannot--	--Take Excalibur. Find a pool of calm water and throw the sword into it.
+When you threw it in, what did you see?	...I saw nothing.
+My King, I couldn't do it. Excalibur cannot be lost. Other men--	--By itself it is only a piece of steel. Its power comes from he who wields it. For now there is no one. Do as I have ordered!
+Good day to you, sir.	Move aside. This is the King's road, and the knights you joined arms against were his very own.
+Move aside. This is the King's road, and the knights you joined arms against were his very own.	I await the King himself. His knights are in need of training.
+I await the King himself. His knights are in need of training.	I am King, and this is Excalibur, sword of kings from the dawn of time. Who are you, and why do you block the way?
+I am King, and this is Excalibur, sword of kings from the dawn of time. Who are you, and why do you block the way?	I am Sir Lancelot of the Lake, from across the sea. I am the best knight in the whole of Christiandom, and I look for the king who is worthy of my sword's service.
+I am Sir Lancelot of the Lake, from across the sea. I am the best knight in the whole of Christiandom, and I look for the king who is worthy of my sword's service.	--That is a wild boast. You lack a knight's humility.
+--That is a wild boast. You lack a knight's humility.	Not a boast, sir, but a curse.  Never have I met my match in joust or duel.
+Not a boast, sir, but a curse.  Never have I met my match in joust or duel.	Move aside!
+Move aside!	I will not. You must retreat or prove your kingship in the test of arms, under the eyes of God.
+Yield. I have the advantage.	I will not.
+Fight me from your horse or on foot, but fight me. Your avoidance mocks me.	I sought only not to harm you, sir.
+Sir, your rage has unbalanced you. It seems you would fight to the death against a knight who is not your enemy, for a length of road you can ride around.	So be it, to the death.
+So be it, to the death.	It is you, sir, who knows not the virtue of humility, as a true king must.
+Thanks to God, you are alive.	I, the best knight in the world, bested! This is a great day, for my search is over. I love you, my King.
+You are still the best knight in Christiandom. You gained a hundred advantages over me. It is I who must love you, for through your courage and patience you taught me a bitter lesson.	Then make me your champion and I will always fight in your place.
+Then make me your champion and I will always fight in your place.	But your life and lands are far from here.
+But your life and lands are far from here.	I gave up my castles and my lands!
+My domain is here, inside this metal skin. And I would pledge to you all that I still own: muscle, bone, blood and the heart that pumps it.	And a great heart it is. Sir Lancelot, you will be my champion.
+Lancelot, how did you fare in the North?	We spared the lives of a few, so they could sail home and tell their fellows what fate they met at the hands of King Arthur's knights...
+These men repented before God for their evil deeds. Those who would not, met their fate at the end of my sword.  Accept the fruit of my first quest as my wedding gift.	I do. Rise, Lancelot, come with me.
+Your deeds set an example for all other knights. For your gift, ask a gift of me.	Only give me leave to ride out again, to do what I am most able to do, and happiest doing.
+They miss the battlefield. I think we do too.	But one can still keep a sword sharp riding out in the name of the King's law.
+Hasn't Merlin mended your wound?	It is deep...
+Arthur.	Lancelot, I will save you... Don't die.
+My salvation is to die a Knight of the Round Table.	You are that and much more. You are its greatest knight, you are what is best in men. Now we will be together--
+You are that and much more. You are its greatest knight, you are what is best in men. Now we will be together--	--It is the old wound, that has been opened. I have always known it would be the gateway to my death, for it has never healed. Let my heart do its job, my King, and pump me empty...
+At last...	Don't recognize him. You were trapped by Morgana's sorcery.
+Don't recognize him. You were trapped by Morgana's sorcery.	...Gawain and Perceval, Bors and Bohort, Caradoc and Ector, and all the others--lost to me. Only the echo of their voices remains in this empty hall. All I have left is the memory of their fellowship. Echoes and memories. I am a ghost of the King that once was...  ...Mordred is real, alive, my own flesh and blood. I will see him, I must.
+Perceval, you have returned!	Ready my knights for battle; they will ride with their King once more. I have lived through others far too long! Lancelot carried my honor and Guenevere my guilt. My knights have fought my causes. Mordred carries my sins. Now, at last, I will rule.
+Merlin, will I live...?  ...I was dreaming...	Of Merlin?
+Of Merlin?	Yes. He spoke to me. He said I would fight bravely tomorrow. I have never dreamed of Merlin before.
+Yes. He spoke to me. He said I would fight bravely tomorrow. I have never dreamed of Merlin before.	I dreamed of him too... Merlin lives! He lives in our dreams now, in that dark and shadowy place that is as strong and real as this more solid one. He speaks to us from there.
+He can be no other.	Lancelot?... It is Lancelot!
+Who is Merlin?	Speak of the devil!...
+Whose son am I?	You are the son of King Uther, and the fair Igrayne... you are King Arthur.
+You saved me from the arrow...	But not from your destiny.
+But not from your destiny.	I want to thank you.
+I want to thank you.	That's not why you came.
+Merlin, help me. I need your help. I don't know how--	'Help me, Help me.' Help me get up.
+It is whispered in the forest that...  ...Leondegrance's castle is under siege by Lot and Uryens.	Yes, yes, I know that. Everybody does. Lord Leondegrance is my only ally among the barons and the great knights. I can't lose him.
+Yes, yes, I know that. Everybody does. Lord Leondegrance is my only ally among the barons and the great knights. I can't lose him.	Well there. You don't need me half as much as you think you do. You already know what must not happen.
+Well there. You don't need me half as much as you think you do. You already know what must not happen.	I must find the means to save him, then. I was hoping I could ask you for a little magic help, but if it makes you so tired...
+I must find the means to save him, then. I was hoping I could ask you for a little magic help, but if it makes you so tired...	Thank you.
+It's just that I have no experience, and no men to speak of. How can I--	Because you must! You and only you. Have you forgotten that it was you who freed Excalibur?
+How? Where?	In the great book.
+In the great book.	What book is that?
+What book is that?	The book without pages. Open before you, all around us. You can see it in bits and pieces, for if mortal men were to see it whole and all complete in a single glance, why, it would burn him to cinders.
+The book without pages. Open before you, all around us. You can see it in bits and pieces, for if mortal men were to see it whole and all complete in a single glance, why, it would burn him to cinders.	What?!
+What?!	The dragon! There...
+Then as knight to knight I can offer you mercy.	What's this, what's this?!
+A king must marry, after all.	...of course...
+I love her. If she would be my queen, my dreams would be answered.	There are maidens as fair, and fairer than Guenevere. If I put my mind to it, I could see them now, many of them, weeping for love of you, watching the hills for you coming from the high towers of their castles. Offering you their every favor. Rich, clever--but if it is to be Guenevere, so be it.
+Who will it be? Put your mind to it, then.	Guenevere. And a beloved friend who will betray you.
+Guenevere. And a beloved friend who will betray you.	Guenevere...
+Guenevere...	You're not listening. Your heart is not. Love is deaf as well as blind.
+I should have left you to fend for yourself.	I had to weave a little enchantment on the bees so I could get some honey, and I didn't feel up to using any more magic just yet. Anyway, I was in less danger than you'll be in today.
+So you were stealing their honey. They should have killed you.	Come now. So much anger for such a little crime? Are you sure there is nothing else troubling you?
+Come now. So much anger for such a little crime? Are you sure there is nothing else troubling you?	You know full well there is, and I go to meet it now. Come witness my revenge.
+Excalibur! Is it true?	The Lady of the Lake. Take it. Take it, quickly!
+The knights of Galys approach the camp. It would be politic...	...to ride out and meet them.
+At your service, sir.	Then answer me this. For years peace has reigned in the land. Crops grow in abundance, there is no want. Every one of my subjects enjoys his portion of happiness and justice, even those whose tiresome misunderstandings we must resolve here each day. Tell me, Merlin: have we defeated evil, as it seems?
+Then answer me this. For years peace has reigned in the land. Crops grow in abundance, there is no want. Every one of my subjects enjoys his portion of happiness and justice, even those whose tiresome misunderstandings we must resolve here each day. Tell me, Merlin: have we defeated evil, as it seems?	Good and evil; there is never one without the other.
+Where hides evil, then, in my kingdom?	Never where you expect it, that's all I know.
+Merlin, tell me. Now that Guenevere is returned to me...	What is it my child?
+Yes.	Just yes? No mad laughter, no riddles, nothing but a simple yes? That frightens me.
+Just yes? No mad laughter, no riddles, nothing but a simple yes? That frightens me.	A king should be afraid, always. The enemy is everywhere. Waiting in ambush in the dark corridors of his castle, on the deer paths of his forest, or in the gray and winding paths of a more tangled forest, in here.
+What?  The greatest? They blend together like the metals we mix to make a good sword.	I didn't ask for poetry. Which is it?
+I am alone and betrayed. By my wife, by my beloved friend, by my knights. And by you. Perhaps most of all by you. For you made me, you forged this wretched life. And like a child tired of a toy, you toss me aside, a babbling lecher trotting after my sister...	That is my destiny. I have a destiny, too...
+That is my destiny. I have a destiny, too...	With all your powers, you are content to be ridiculed, laughed at...
+With all your powers, you are content to be ridiculed, laughed at...	My powers fade, Arthur. I resort to cheap tricks...  Yes! I enjoy every moment of my foolishness, I join in the making of it, so no one can betray me. But you! You betray yourself.
+My powers fade, Arthur. I resort to cheap tricks...  Yes! I enjoy every moment of my foolishness, I join in the making of it, so no one can betray me. But you! You betray yourself.	Me? I have lived by the oath of king and knight.
+Me? I have lived by the oath of king and knight.	You betray the boy who drew the sword, the boy who saw the Dragon... the Dragon who moves close by, coiling and uncoiling, restless, looking down, waiting for the King to be a king...
+I must do it myself. I must kill them both. Lancelot and Guenevere. Will you ride with me, Merlin?	I cannot. I must not. Here I must stay.
+Quiet. You'll wake the men, and they must fight tomorrow for their very lives.	I know. I have heard noises and echoes through the stones...
+I know. I have heard noises and echoes through the stones...	What is this place, Merlin?
+What is this place, Merlin?	It is like a tree. The roots of the stones spread out across the land and they draw on the thoughts and actions of men. Like sap those human matters course through the stones feeding the stars that are the leaves of the tree. And the stars whisper back to men the future course of events.  But the earth is being torn apart, its metals stolen, and the balance is broken and the lines of power no longer converge. In fact, I nearly didn't make it in one piece.
+But, I'm here.	Where have you been these many years? Is it true that Morgana--
+Where have you been these many years? Is it true that Morgana--	--Stories... You brought me back. Your love brought me back. Back to where you are now, in the land of dreams...
+--Stories... You brought me back. Your love brought me back. Back to where you are now, in the land of dreams...	Is this a dream? Tell me, Merlin!
+Father...	Rise, Mordred.
+Rise, Mordred.	I have come to claim what is mine, Father.
+I have come to claim what is mine, Father.	I recognize you only as my son, no more.
+I recognize you only as my son, no more.	And you are the great King? The lords have rebelled. Invaders attack the coasts. Crops don't grow. There is nothing but plague and hunger in the land. Only I am feared. I will be king. You may have lost Excalibur, but I have found my own weapon of power. There.
+The very spear that pierced the side of Christ as he died on the cross.	Your mother told you that?
+I cannot offer you the land, only my love...	And I offer only this, Father. To commit with passion and pleasure all the evils that you failed to commit, as man and king.
+I will muster a great force of knights, and I will return to fight for what is mine.	So be it.
+I left it in the tent, sir.	Well hurry then, and get it.
+Sir... Kay needed a sword. His was stolen. I saw Excalibur, and... I took it.	You freed it, son?
+You freed it, son?	I did, Father. I beg your forgiveness.
+Who is, then?	I don't know. Merlin brought you to me when you were newly born and charged me to raise you as my own. At first, I did so because I feared Merlin, later because I loved you.
+He is the mightiest and fairest of knights.	We fought and won battles, and now one man defeats all my knights? I will go.
+It didn't hurt too much, did it?	Ye...
+Ye...	--I'm pretty good at stitchery. I've sewn my father's wounds more than once.
+But I have to leave tomorrow. The forests are thick with rebels, invaders plunder our shores...	--And damsels in besieged castles are waiting to be rescued?
+--And damsels in besieged castles are waiting to be rescued?	I didn't know Leondegrance had a daughter.
+I didn't know Leondegrance had a daughter.	Well, then, I shall tell you which knights have maiden daughters, so you can avoid their castles.
+No, I think it's better if you just stay here to heal. At least a week.	I'm going.
+I'm going.	Quiet, or I'll sew up your mouth too.
+He must stay for the feasting days of our wedding, and tell his deeds himself.	I grant you your wish if you grant Lady Guenevere hers.
+I will ride with Sir Kay. Lancelot, rest here.	Don't start a war on my wedding day!
+Don't start a war on my wedding day!	Without Lancelot?!
+Sir Gahalt, answer the Queen.	No. I meant not to be angry with you, Sir Gahalt. In the idleness that comes with peace gossip has bread its own evil. You merely repeat it. Please, sir, have one of those apples that Lancelot loves, and in that gesture partake of its goodness.
+The Queen will be in my charge till a champion steps forward to fight on her behalf.	Not you, my husband?
+Why can't you be my champion?	If I am your judge, I cannot be your champion. When I act as your King, I cannot be your husband.
+If I am your judge, I cannot be your champion. When I act as your King, I cannot be your husband.	And you cannot love me...
+And you cannot love me...	The laws, my laws, must bind everyone, high and low, or they are not laws at all. Lancelot will come...
+The laws, my laws, must bind everyone, high and low, or they are not laws at all. Lancelot will come...	And if he cannot be found, no other knight will champion me, though you beseeched each and every one of them. Why be king if there is no one you can call loyal subject but an eager boy?
+I loved you much, as King, and sometimes as husband, but one cannot gaze too long at the sun in the sky.	Forgive me, my wife, if you can. I was not born to live a man's life, but to be the stuff of future memory. The fellowship was a brief beginning, a fair time that cannot be forgotten; and because it will not be forgotten, that fair time may come again. Now once more I must ride with my knights to defend what was, and the dream of what could be.
+Forgive me, my wife, if you can. I was not born to live a man's life, but to be the stuff of future memory. The fellowship was a brief beginning, a fair time that cannot be forgotten; and because it will not be forgotten, that fair time may come again. Now once more I must ride with my knights to defend what was, and the dream of what could be.	I have kept it.
+Who does it serve?	You, my lord.
+You, my lord.	I have waited long for you. Once you almost saw, but fear blinded you. Why am I served from the chalice?
+I have waited long for you. Once you almost saw, but fear blinded you. Why am I served from the chalice?	Because you and the land are one.
+Because you and the land are one.	I am wasting away and I cannot die. And I cannot live.
+I am wasting away and I cannot die. And I cannot live.	You and the land are one. Drink from the chalice. You will be reborn and the land with you.
+The well-kept secret is whether any of them has won your heart.	No.
+No.	Why?
+Why?	I am a fighting man and I am married to the quest. That is enough.
+I am a fighting man and I am married to the quest. That is enough.	And there is no maiden in the whole world who inspires you?
+And there is no maiden in the whole world who inspires you?	There is one.
+There is one.	Who?!
+Who?!	You.
+You.	Me?
+Me?	Yes. I would swear my love to you.
+Yes. I would swear my love to you.	To me? But why?
+To me? But why?	I cannot love as a woman the lady who will be wife to my King and my friend. And, in pledging my love to you, I cannot love any other woman.
+The law forbids it.	Love demands it.
+There are things about love--	--Nothing!
+Why didn't he kill us?	He has given up.
+The King without his sword, the land without a king...	We are to blame.
+Just a man. A knight in the King's service.	You're a man?!  ...with metal skin!
+Very well. Climb up.	I will run.
+I will run.	Listen, boy, it's more than twenty days from here.
+Listen, boy, it's more than twenty days from here.	Twenty days!? The world is that big?
+I have found you. The Queen. An apple. Tomorrow. Sir Gawain...	--It must wait, child. These good ladies, for whom I intervened once, will honor me with a meal. I am beholden to them now as I was when they begged my protection.
+You left your husband's side? You left your brother's wedding?	Is that Mandrake, Lord Merlin?
+Is that Mandrake, Lord Merlin?	It is.
+It is.	Can it truly be used for magic?
+No, no, of course not. You are young...	I'm not jealous!
+I'm not jealous!	It's clear you are, and it irks me.
+It's clear you are, and it irks me.	No. Yes, I am. I am jealous. I want to write poems about you with moonbeams, make the sea sing your name...
+No. Yes, I am. I am jealous. I want to write poems about you with moonbeams, make the sea sing your name...	A lovestruck page!
+A lovestruck page!	Shh... yes, yes. Sit with me, please... Morgana.
+I showed you all my conjuring tricks...	The deepest secrets, the forbidden formulas...
+The deepest secrets, the forbidden formulas...	Maybe... maybe...
+You know what I want. I want the secret of true magic, how to thicken the stuff of dreams and wishes with the flesh of the world.	That I cannot.
+When Arthur built the castle, I carved out a place for myself, where I could laugh or sleep, and no one would bother me.	People make you laugh?
+They do.	Why?
+You are truly magnificent!	Flattery! Do you think I am ignorant of your stupid little games? Preying on you weakness of others. That's your power, a petty evil. Mine is great. Great plans. Impossible dreams. Laughable endings...
+Merlin, the powers of Summoning, the true Name of the charms of Doing and Undoing. Show me!	I won't. You would misuse such power. I have paid enough for you, and I will have you.
+What do you want? You must desire it for me to weave it.	Walls of shining crystals, burning with red fire, furnishings of metals and jewels never seen by man...
+You provoke me, Merlin.	What's behind that beauty? A wizened, cold-hearted snake.
+I am the cloudburst that quenches the flames.	I am the desert, where water disappears--
+I am the desert, where water disappears--	--I am the sea, which covers the desert forever under its weight.
+--I am the sea, which covers the desert forever under its weight.	--I am the fog and mists that rise up from the sea, escaping...
+It's done. A truce. We meet at the river.	Talk. Lovers murmuring to each other...
+I should butcher all and every one of them. Merlin, what is this wagging of tongues?	Just show the sword.
+Behold the sword of power, Excalibur. Before Uther, it belonged to Lud, before Lud, to Beowulf, before Beowulf to Baldur the Good, before Baldur to Thor himself and that was when the world was young and there were more than seven colors in the rainbow.  Speak the words.	One land, one king! That is my peace!
+I have walked my way since the beginning of time. Sometimes I give, sometimes I take. It is mine to know which, and when.	Dumb riddles, Merlin. I am your King.
+I swear it. By Excalibur and the holy--	--What issues from your lust will be mine. Swear it again.
+--What issues from your lust will be mine. Swear it again.	I swear it.
+Merlin! Out of the sick sleep at last.	Doing what I did for you, it wasn't easy, you know. It takes it's toll. It took nine moons to get back my strength.
+Now you must pay me.	I?
+I?	The child is mine, Uther. I have come for him.
+The oath. You didn't say--	You didn't ask!
+It's not for you, Uther, hearth and home, wife and child.	To kill and be king, is that all?
+To kill and be king, is that all?	Maybe not even that, Uther. I thought once that you were the one to unite the land under one sword. But it'll take another, a greater king...
+Maybe not even that, Uther. I thought once that you were the one to unite the land under one sword. But it'll take another, a greater king...	You strike me with words as hard as steel.
+You strike me with words as hard as steel.	They are not weapons, my friend, but truths. You betrayed the Duke, stole his wife and took his castle, now no one trusts you. Lot, Uryens, your allies will turn against you. Give me the child, Uther, I will protect him. Go back to your war tent.
+Burke take a look at this damn thing it just doesn't make sense.	Why it's perfectly plain, your the teacher at the college, you don't want the building torn down.
+Why it's perfectly plain, your the teacher at the college, you don't want the building torn down.	C'mon I can read for Christ sake.
+C'mon I can read for Christ sake.	Well what's wrong?
+Well what's wrong?	Well why are they tearing the building down?
+Well why are they tearing the building down?	Shall we summon the writer? He's in Paris I believe.
+Shall we summon the writer? He's in Paris I believe.	Hiding?
+What honey?	Fuck it.
+Well, he does know the background. I doubt there's any danger in just having him assist. There should be a psychiatrist present, anyway.	And what about the exorcist? Any ideas?
+And what about the exorcist? Any ideas?	How about Lankaster Merrin.
+How about Lankaster Merrin.	Merrin? I had notion he was over in Iraq. I think I read he was working on a dig around Nineveh.
+Merrin? I had notion he was over in Iraq. I think I read he was working on a dig around Nineveh.	That's right Mike. But he's finished and came back around three ot four months ago, He's in Woodstock now.
+That's right Mike. But he's finished and came back around three ot four months ago, He's in Woodstock now.	What's he doing there? Teaching?
+What's he doing there? Teaching?	No, he's working on another book.
+No, he's working on another book.	Don't you think he's too old, though? How's his health?
+Don't you think he's too old, though? How's his health?	It must be alright. He's still running around digging up tombs. Besides, he's had experience.
+It must be alright. He's still running around digging up tombs. Besides, he's had experience.	I didn't know that.
+I didn't know that.	Ten maybe twelve years ago, in Africa. The exorcism supposedly lasted for months. I heard it damn near killed him.
+You're convinced that it's genuine.	I don't know. No, not really I suppose. But I've made a prudent judgement that it meets the conditions set down in the Ritual.
+I don't know. No, not really I suppose. But I've made a prudent judgement that it meets the conditions set down in the Ritual.	You'd want to do the exorcism yourself?
+You'd want to do the exorcism yourself?	Yes.
+Yes.	It might be best to have a man with experience. Maybe someone who's spent time in the foreign missions.
+It might be best to have a man with experience. Maybe someone who's spent time in the foreign missions.	I see, your excellency.
+I see, your excellency.	Let's see whose around. In the meantime I'll call you as soon as I know.
+Let's see whose around. In the meantime I'll call you as soon as I know.	Thank you your excellency.
+Quite frankly, we don't know much about it except that it's starts with some conflict or guilt that eventually leads to the patient's delusion that his body's been invaded by an alien intellegence; a spirit if you will.	Look, I'm telling you again and you'd better believe it, I'm not about to put her in a goddamn asylum!
+Look, I'm telling you again and you'd better believe it, I'm not about to put her in a goddamn asylum!	It's-
+It's-	And I don't care what you call it! I'm not putting her away!
+And I don't care what you call it! I'm not putting her away!	I'm sorry.
+I'm sorry.	You're sorry. Christ, eighty-eight doctors and all you can tell me is all of your bullshit...
+It's a stylized ritual in which rabbis or priests try to drive out the so-called invading spirit. It's pretty much discarded these days, except by the Catholics who keep it in the closet as a sort of embarrassment. It has worked, in fact, although not for the reason they think, of course. It was purely the force of suggestion. The victim's belief in possession helped cause it; and just in the same way this belief in the power of exorcism can make it disappear.	You're telling me that, I should take my daughter to a witch doctor? Is that it?
+Hello?	In here!
+Hi	Hi, how'd your day go?
+Hi, how'd your day go?	Oh not to bad, kinda like the Walt Disney version of the Ho Chi Minh story, but other than that it was terrific.
+Here.	Oh great, anything else?
+Oh great, anything else?	And you got an invitation.
+And you got an invitation.	What's this?
+What's this?	Dinner at the White House.
+Dinner at the White House.	Your kidding me. What is it a big party or something?
+Your kidding me. What is it a big party or something?	Just five or six people.
+Just five or six people.	No kidding.
+Hello? Yes this is Mrs. MacNeil. Operator you have got to be kidding I have been on this line for twenty minutes.  Jesus Christ, can you believe this, he doesn't even call his daughter on her birthday for christ sake.	Maybe the circuit is busy?
+Maybe the circuit is busy?	Oh circuit my ass, he doesn't give a shit!
+Oh circuit my ass, he doesn't give a shit!	Why don't you let me?
+What the hell do you mean going out and leaving Regan by her self! What are you kidding her window's wide open...	What didn't he tell you?
+What didn't he tell you?	Didn't who tell me?
+Didn't who tell me?	Burke.
+Burke.	What's Burke got to do with it?
+What's Burke got to do with it?	Well, when I went to get the Thorazine I had him to stay with her and... Oh, I should of known better.
+Well, when I went to get the Thorazine I had him to stay with her and... Oh, I should of known better.	Yeah, well I guess you should've.
+What did the doctor say?	We have to start looking for a shrink.
+Oh Burke! Poor Burke!	I can't believe it.
+This was under Regan's pillow. Did you put it there?	Of course I didn't.
+Where do you want this?	What is it?
+What is it?	Phonograph.
+Phonograph.	Storage.
+I'm gonna miss you.	Me too.
+Me too.	Sure you won't change your mind?
+Does your daughter remember if perhaps Mr. Dennings was in her room in her room that night?	No, she was heavily sedated.
+No, she was heavily sedated.	It's serious?
+It's serious?	Yes, I'm affraid it is.
+Yes, I'm affraid it is.	May I ask...?
+May I ask...?	We still don't know.
+We still don't know.	Watch out for drafts. A draft in the fall when the house is hot is a magic carpet for bacteria.
+Strange...strange...so baffling. The deceased comes to visit, stays only twenty minutes, and leaves all alone a very sick girl. And speaking plainly Mrs. MacNeil, as you say, it's not likely he would fall from a window. Besides that, a fall wouldn't do to his neck what we found except maybe a chance in a thousand. My hunch? My opinion? I believe he was killed by a very powerful man: point one. And the fracturing of the skull - point two - plus the various things I have mentioned, would make it very probable - probable, not certain - that the deceased was killed and then pushed from your daughter's window. But no-one was here except your daughter. So how could this be? It could be one way: if someone came calling between the time Miss Spencer left and the time you returned. The servants, they have visitors?	No. Not at all,
+No. Not at all,	You were expecting a deliver y that day?
+You were expecting a deliver y that day?	Not that I know of.
+Not that I know of.	Groceries maybe? A package?
+Groceries maybe? A package?	I really wouldn't know, you see Karl takes care of that.
+I really wouldn't know, you see Karl takes care of that.	Oh, I see.
+Oh, I see.	Want to ask him?
+Want to ask him?	Never mind.
+Would you like some more coffee?	Please.
+Incidentally, just a chance in a million, I know; but your daughter - you could possibly ask her if she saw Mr. Dennings in her room that night?	Look, he wouldn't have any reason to be up there in the first place.
+Look, he wouldn't have any reason to be up there in the first place.	"I know that. I realize. But if a certain British doctor never asked ""What's this fungus?"" we wouldn't today have penicillin. Correct?"
+"I know that. I realize. But if a certain British doctor never asked ""What's this fungus?"" we wouldn't today have penicillin. Correct?"	When she's well enough, I'll ask.
+When she's well enough, I'll ask.	Couldn't hurt. In the meantime...
+I hate to ask you this but... for my daughter could you maybe give an autograph?	Of course. Have you got a pen?
+Oh, she'd love it.	What's her name?
+I lied. It's for me. The spelling is on the back, Kinderman. You know that film you made called Angel? Isaw that six times.	Really? wow.
+Thank you.	You're a nice man.
+Good morning Madame.	Good morning Karl. Oh Karl, we've got rats in the attic you better get some traps.
+Good morning Karl. Oh Karl, we've got rats in the attic you better get some traps.	Rats?
+Rats?	Uh huh. 'Fraid so.
+But it's clean?	All right then we've got clean rats.
+No. No rats.	I just heard them Karl.
+Yeah or maybe rats now will you just get those traps.	Yes, I go now.
+Yes, I go now.	Well don't go now Karl the stores aren't open yet.
+There is nothing.	Oh Karl, Jesus Christ Karl, don't do that.
+Oh Karl, Jesus Christ Karl, don't do that.	Very sorry, but you see, no rats!
+Very sorry, but you see, no rats!	No rats. Thanks a lot that's terrific.
+Bastard! I will kill you.	Karl!!
+Karl? Did you put this in Regan's bedroom?	She is going to be well?
+She is going to be well?	Karl if you put this in Regan's room I want you to tell me, now did you?
+Karl if you put this in Regan's room I want you to tell me, now did you?	No. It wasn't me. I didn't.
+Excuse me Miss?	What!
+What!	A man to see you.
+A man to see you.	What man?
+Excuse me Madame? Will there be anything else?	No thanks Karl.
+Morning.	Good morning Mrs. MacNeil.
+Good morning Mrs. MacNeil.	How are you today?
+How are you today?	Fine thank you.
+Fine thank you.	That's good.
+Is it coming out Willie?	Yes, I think so.
+A disorder of the nerves. At least we think it is. We don't know yet exactly how it works, but it's often seen in earl adolescence. She shows all the symptoms: the hyperactivity; the temper; her performance in math.	Why the math?
+Why the math?	It affects concentration.
+Now this is for Ritalin. Ten miligrams a day.	What is it? A tranquilizer?
+What is it? A tranquilizer?	A stimulant.
+A stimulant.	Stimulant? She's higher than a kite right now!
+Stimulant? She's higher than a kite right now!	Her condition isn't quite what it seems. Nobody knows the cause of her hyperkinetic behaviour in a child. The Ritalin sems to work to relieve the condition, but we really don't know how or why, frankly. Your daughter's symptoms could be an overreaction to depression- but that's out of my field.
+Her condition isn't quite what it seems. Nobody knows the cause of her hyperkinetic behaviour in a child. The Ritalin sems to work to relieve the condition, but we really don't know how or why, frankly. Your daughter's symptoms could be an overreaction to depression- but that's out of my field.	Depression?
+Depression?	Well, you mentioned her father... the divorce.
+Well, you mentioned her father... the divorce.	Do you think I should take her to see a psychiatrist?
+Do you think I should take her to see a psychiatrist?	Oh no. I'd wait and see what happens with the Ritalin. I think that's the answer. Wait two or three weeks.
+Oh no. I'd wait and see what happens with the Ritalin. I think that's the answer. Wait two or three weeks.	And those lies she's been telling?
+And those lies she's been telling?	Lies?
+Lies?	Ya know, those things to get attention, like saying that her bed shakes and stuff.
+Ya know, those things to get attention, like saying that her bed shakes and stuff.	Have you ever known your daughter to swear and use obscenities?
+Have you ever known your daughter to swear and use obscenities?	Never.
+Never.	Well, you see, that's quite similar to things like her lying- uncharacter-
+Well, you see, that's quite similar to things like her lying- uncharacter-	Wait a minute. What are you talking about?
+Wait a minute. What are you talking about?	Well, she let loose quite a string while I was examining her, Mrs. MacNeil.
+Well, she let loose quite a string while I was examining her, Mrs. MacNeil.	You're kidding! Like what?
+You're kidding! Like what?	Well, I'd say her vocabulary's rather extensive.
+Well, I'd say her vocabulary's rather extensive.	Well, what, for example? I mean, give me a for instance!
+Hey, come on, I'm grown-up. What'd she say? I mean specifically, Doctor.	Well, specifically, Mrs. MacNeil, she advised me to keep my fingers away from her goddam cunt.
+Well, specifically, Mrs. MacNeil, she advised me to keep my fingers away from her goddam cunt.	She used those words?
+She used those words?	She used those words. Look, I doubt that she even understood what she was saying.
+She used those words. Look, I doubt that she even understood what she was saying.	Yeah, I guess. Maybe not. You don't think a psychiatrist-?
+Yeah, I guess. Maybe not. You don't think a psychiatrist-?	The best explanation is always the simplest one. Let's wait. Let's wait and see. In the meantime try not to worry.
+Well, It's a symptom of a type of desturbance in the chemico- electrical activity of the brain. In the case of your daughter in the temperal lobe, up here in the lateral part of the brain. It's rare, but it does cause bizarre hallucinations and usually just before a convulsion.	Convulsion?
+Convulsion?	The shaking of the bed, that's doubtless due to musuclar spasms.
+The shaking of the bed, that's doubtless due to musuclar spasms.	Oh no, that was no spasm. I got on the bed, the whole bed was thumping and rising off the floor and shaking. The whole thing, with me on it!
+Oh no, that was no spasm. I got on the bed, the whole bed was thumping and rising off the floor and shaking. The whole thing, with me on it!	Mrs. MacNeil the problem with your daughter is not her bed, it's her brain.
+So, what causes this?	Lesion, Lesion in the temperal lobe. It's a kind of seizure disorder.
+Lesion, Lesion in the temperal lobe. It's a kind of seizure disorder.	Look doc, I really don't understand how her whole personality could change.
+Look doc, I really don't understand how her whole personality could change.	The temperal lobe is very common. Could last for days, even weeks. It isn't rare to find destructive or even criminal behaviour.
+The temperal lobe is very common. Could last for days, even weeks. It isn't rare to find destructive or even criminal behaviour.	Hey do me a favour will ya'. Tell me something good.
+Hey do me a favour will ya'. Tell me something good.	Don't be alarmed. If it's a lesion in a way she's fortunate. All we have to do is remove the scar.
+She's heavily sedated. She'll probably sleep through tomorrow.	What was going on in there, how could she jump off the bed like that?
+We still think the temporal lobe...	Oh. What are you talking about for Christ sake! Did you see her or not? She's acting like a fucking out of her mind psychotic or a split personality or...
+Do you keep any drugs in your house?	No. Of course not, nothing like that.
+No. Of course not, nothing like that.	Are you sure?
+Are you sure?	Well of course I'm sure. I'd tell you. Christ, I don't even smoke grass.
+Well of course I'm sure. I'd tell you. Christ, I don't even smoke grass.	Are you planning to be home soon? LA, I mean.
+Are you planning to be home soon? LA, I mean.	No. I'm building a new house, the old one's been sold. I was going to take Regan to Europe for a while, after she finished school here. Why d'you ask?
+No. I'm building a new house, the old one's been sold. I was going to take Regan to Europe for a while, after she finished school here. Why d'you ask?	I think it's time we started looking for a psychiatrist.
+Chris MacNeil?	Please go away.
+Please go away.	I'm Father Karras.
+Oh, I'm very sorry Father. Hi.	That's okay. I should've told you I wouldn't be in uniform.
+That's okay. I should've told you I wouldn't be in uniform.	Yeah, it would've helped. Have you gotta cigarette Father?
+So, how'd a shrink ever get to be a priest?	It's the other way around. The society sent me through med school.
+It's the other way around. The society sent me through med school.	Where?
+Where?	Harvard, Bellevue, John Hopkins.
+Harvard, Bellevue, John Hopkins.	You're a friend of Father Dyer, right?
+You're a friend of Father Dyer, right?	Yes am.
+Yes am.	Pretty close?
+Pretty close?	Pretty close.
+Pretty close.	Did he tell you about my party?
+Did he tell you about my party?	Sure did.
+Sure did.	About my daughter?
+About my daughter?	No I didn't know you had one.
+No I didn't know you had one.	He didn't mention?
+He didn't mention?	No.
+No.	Didn't tell you of what she did?
+Didn't tell you of what she did?	He didn't mention her.
+He didn't mention her.	Priests keep pretty tight mouthed then?
+Priests keep pretty tight mouthed then?	That depends.
+That depends.	On what?
+On what?	The priest.
+The priest.	I mean, what if a person, let's say, was a criminal, like maybe a murderer or something, you know? If he came to you for help, would you have to turn him in?
+I mean, what if a person, let's say, was a criminal, like maybe a murderer or something, you know? If he came to you for help, would you have to turn him in?	If he came to me for spritual help, I'd say no.
+If he came to me for spritual help, I'd say no.	You wouldn't.
+You wouldn't.	No I wouldn't. But I'd try to persuade him to turn himself in.
+No I wouldn't. But I'd try to persuade him to turn himself in.	And how do you go about getting an exorcism?
+And how do you go about getting an exorcism?	I beg your pardon?
+I beg your pardon?	If a person was possessed by a demon of some kind, how do you go about getting an exorcism?
+If a person was possessed by a demon of some kind, how do you go about getting an exorcism?	Well, the first thing I'd do is put them into a time macine and send them back to the sixteenth century.
+Well, the first thing I'd do is put them into a time macine and send them back to the sixteenth century.	I didn't get you?
+I didn't get you?	Well it just doesn't happen anymore Mrs. MacNeil.
+Well it just doesn't happen anymore Mrs. MacNeil.	Oh yeah, since when?
+Oh yeah, since when?	Since we learned about mental illness, paranoia, schizophrenia. All the things they taught me in Harvard. Mrs. MacNeil since the day I joined the Jesuits, I've never met one priest who has performed an exorcism, not one.
+Since we learned about mental illness, paranoia, schizophrenia. All the things they taught me in Harvard. Mrs. MacNeil since the day I joined the Jesuits, I've never met one priest who has performed an exorcism, not one.	Yeah well, it just so happens that somebody very close to me is probably possessed, and needs an exorcist.
+That's all the more reason to forget about exorcism.	Why, I don't understand?
+Why, I don't understand?	To begin with it could make things worse.
+To begin with it could make things worse.	But how?
+But how?	Well before the church approves an exorcism, it conducts an investigation to see if it's warranted. That takes time. In the meantime...
+Well before the church approves an exorcism, it conducts an investigation to see if it's warranted. That takes time. In the meantime...	You could do it yourself...
+You could do it yourself...	No I couldn't, I have to have church approval, and frankly, that's rarely given,-
+No I couldn't, I have to have church approval, and frankly, that's rarely given,-	Could you see her?
+Could you see her?	Yes I could, I could see her as a psychiatrist...
+Yes I could, I could see her as a psychiatrist...	Not a psychiatrist! She needs a priest! She's already seen every fucking psychiatrist in the world and they sent me to you, now you're gonna send me back to them! Jesus Christ, won't somebody help her!
+Not a psychiatrist! She needs a priest! She's already seen every fucking psychiatrist in the world and they sent me to you, now you're gonna send me back to them! Jesus Christ, won't somebody help her!	No, you don't understand. Your daughter-
+No, you don't understand. Your daughter-	Oh, will you help her! Just help her!
+Thanks. Look, I'm only against the possibility of doing your daughter more harm than good.	Nothing you could do would make it any worse.
+Nothing you could do would make it any worse.	I can't do it. I need evidence that the church would accept as signs of possession.
+I can't do it. I need evidence that the church would accept as signs of possession.	Like what?
+Like what?	Like her speaking in a language that she's never known or studied.
+Like her speaking in a language that she's never known or studied.	What else?
+What else?	I don't know. I'll have to look it up.
+I don't know. I'll have to look it up.	I thought you were supposed to be an expert.
+I thought you were supposed to be an expert.	There are no experts. You probably know as much about possession than most priests. Look your daughter doesn't say she's a demon, she says she's the devil himself and if you've seen as many psychotics as I have, you'd know it's like saying you're Napoleon Bonaparte. You ask me what I think is best for your daughter. Six months, under observation in the best hospital you can find.
+There are no experts. You probably know as much about possession than most priests. Look your daughter doesn't say she's a demon, she says she's the devil himself and if you've seen as many psychotics as I have, you'd know it's like saying you're Napoleon Bonaparte. You ask me what I think is best for your daughter. Six months, under observation in the best hospital you can find.	You show me Regan's double: same face, same voice, same everything. I'd know it wasn't Regan. I'd know in my gut and I'm telling you that that thing upstairs isn't my daughter! And I want you to tell me that you know for a fact that there's nothing wrong with my daughter except in her mind! You tell me you know for a fact that an exorcism wouldn't do any good! You tell me that!
+Did Regan know a priest was coming over?	No.
+No.	Did you know my mother died recently?
+Did you know my mother died recently?	Yes I did, I'm sorry.
+Yes I did, I'm sorry.	No, is Regan aware of it?
+No, is Regan aware of it?	Not at all. Why d'you ask?
+Not at all. Why d'you ask?	It's not important good night.
+Wanna drink.	Please.
+Please.	What do you drink?
+No it's alright I'll take it straight.	Are you sure?
+Are you sure?	It's fine really, sit.
+Where's Regan's father?	In Europe.
+In Europe.	Have you told him what's happening?
+Have you told him what's happening?	No
+No	Well I think you should.
+I told Regan that was holy water, I sprinkled some on her and she reacted very violently. It's tap water.	What's the difference?
+What's the difference?	Holy water's blessed. And that doesn't help support a case for possession.
+She...killed Burke Dennings.	What?
+What?	She killed Burke Dennings. She pushed him out of the window.
+Yes. He's already here.	Father?
+Is she gonna die?	No.
+What did you do today?	Um........Stuff.
+Um........Stuff.	What kind of stuff?
+What kind of stuff?	Well, me and Sharon played a game in the back yard, and we had a picnic down by the river.
+Oh mom, you should have seen this man came along on this beautiful grey horse.  Wasn't it pretty?	Really, what kind was it a mair or guilding?
+Really, what kind was it a mair or guilding?	Think it was a guilding. It was grey. Oh it was so beautiful, the guy let me ride it all around.
+Think it was a guilding. It was grey. Oh it was so beautiful, the guy let me ride it all around.	Your kidding?
+Well, not while we're in Washington.	Oh............
+Oh............	We'll see when we get home okay.
+We'll see when we get home okay.	When can I have one?
+When can I have one?	We'll see Regan.  Now about those party invitations.......
+Oh look at that.	You like it?
+You like it?	Oh it's so funny.
+Hey, where'd this come from?	I found it.
+I found it.	Where?
+Where?	The closet
+You've been playing with it?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	You know how?
+You know how?	Here I'll show you.
+Wait a minute you need two.	No you don't. I do it all the time.
+No you don't. I do it all the time.	Oh yeah, well let's both play.
+You really don't want me to play huh?	No I do, Captain Howdy said no.
+No I do, Captain Howdy said no.	Captain who?
+Captain who?	Captain Howdy.
+Captain Howdy.	Who's Captain Howdy?
+Who's Captain Howdy?	You know, I make the questions and he does the answers.
+You know, I make the questions and he does the answers.	Oh, Captain Howdy....
+Oh, Captain Howdy....	He's nice.
+He's nice.	Oh I bet he is.
+Oh I bet he is.	Here I'll show you.
+Captain Howdy, Do you think my mom's pretty? Captain Howdy? Captain Howdy that isn't very nice.	Well, maybe he's sleeping.
+Well, maybe he's sleeping.	You think?
+Regan, why are you reading that?	Cause I like it.
+Cause I like it.	It's not even a good picture. Looks to mature.
+It's not even a good picture. Looks to mature.	I wouldn't talk.
+I wouldn't talk.	Oh you wouldn't talk, well I didn't have my make up man there.
+What are we gonna do on your birthday, isn't that nice it's on a Sunday this year, what can we do?	I don't know
+I don't know	Well what would you like to do? Got any ideas?
+Yeah	Okay. And tomorrow night, I'll take you to a movie, okay?
+Okay. And tomorrow night, I'll take you to a movie, okay?	Oh I love you.
+I love you Rags. We'll have a good day yeah?	You can bring Mr. Dennings if you like.
+You can bring Mr. Dennings if you like.	Mr. Dennings?
+Mr. Dennings?	Well you know it's okay.
+Well you know it's okay.	Well thank you very much but why on earth would I want to bring Burke on your birthday?
+Well thank you very much but why on earth would I want to bring Burke on your birthday?	You like him.
+You like him.	Yeah I like him. Don't you like him? Hey what's going on? What is this?
+Yeah I like him. Don't you like him? Hey what's going on? What is this?	Your not gonna marry him are you?
+Your not gonna marry him are you?	Oh my god, you kidding, me marry Burke Dennings don't be silly, of course not.
+Oh my god, you kidding, me marry Burke Dennings don't be silly, of course not.	What?
+What?	Where'd you ever get an idea like that?
+Where'd you ever get an idea like that?	But you like him.
+But you like him.	Course I like him, I like pizzas to but I'm not gonna marry one.
+Course I like him, I like pizzas to but I'm not gonna marry one.	Do you not like him like daddy?
+Do you not like him like daddy?	Oh Regan I love your daddy. I'll always love your daddy. Burke just comes around here a lot because he's lonely, don't got nothin' to do.
+Oh Regan I love your daddy. I'll always love your daddy. Burke just comes around here a lot because he's lonely, don't got nothin' to do.	Well I heard differently.
+Well I heard differently.	Oh you did. What did you hear?
+Oh you did. What did you hear?	I don't know, I just thought.
+I don't know, I just thought.	Well your thinking's not so good.
+Well your thinking's not so good.	How do you know?
+How do you know?	Cause Burke and I are just friends. Okay, really.
+Cause Burke and I are just friends. Okay, really.	Okay.
+People get tired.	Why does God let us get tired?
+Why does God let us get tired?	God gets lonesome for us, Rags. He wants us back.
+What are you doing here?	My bed was shaking, I can't get to sleep.
+My bed was shaking, I can't get to sleep.	Oh, honey.
+Oh my God!	Make it stop! What's wrong!! I'm scared!!!
+I don't want it.	Honey it's to help you.
+Mother please! Oh please mother make it stop! It's burning, it's burning please mother!	So something please Doctor, Help her!
+So something please Doctor, Help her!	Make it stop,it really hurts! Mother! Make it...
+All done.	Honey this is Father Dyer.
+Honey this is Father Dyer.	Hi Father.
+Over behind the church, you know where I mean over there, it's a red brick wing?	St. Mike's.
+St. Mike's.	What goes down there? I mean who's the priest I keep seeing, he's there all the time. He has black hair and he's very intense looking?
+What goes down there? I mean who's the priest I keep seeing, he's there all the time. He has black hair and he's very intense looking?	Damien Karras.
+Damien Karras.	Karras.
+Karras.	That's his office back of St. Mike's. He's our psychiatric counsellor. He had a pretty rough knock last night poor guy, his mother passed away. She was living by herself and I guess she was dead a couple of days before they found her.
+Hi Chris. Great party.	Yeah, don't stop. Keep going.
+Yeah, don't stop. Keep going.	Listen, I don't need any encouragement, but my idea of heaven is a solid white night club, with me as the head liner, for all eternity and they love me.
+She doesn't remeber a thing.	That's good.
+Goodbye Father. I call you.	Okay.
+Pathological states can induce abnormal strength, accelerated motor performance. For example, a ninety-pound women sees her child pinned under the wheel of a truck, runs out and lifts the wheels half a foot up off the ground. You know the story, same thing here. Same principle, I mean.	So what's wrong with her?
+There haven't been more than a hundred authenticated cases of so- called split personality, Mrs. MacNeil. Now I know the temptation is to leap to psychiatry, but any reasonable psychiatrist would exhaust the somatic possibilities first.	So what's next?
+So what's next?	A pneumoencephelogram, I would think, pin down that lesion. It will involve another spinal.
+A pneumoencephelogram, I would think, pin down that lesion. It will involve another spinal.	Oh, Christ.
+Oh, Christ.	What we missed in the EEG and the arteriogram could conceivably turn up there. At the least, it would eliminate certain other possibilities.
+Where'd you get the money for the Chivas Regal? The poor box?	That's an insult, I got a vow of poverty.
+That's an insult, I got a vow of poverty.	Where'd you get it then?
+Where'd you get it then?	I stole it.
+I stole it.	I believe you.
+I believe you.	College president shouldn't drink. Tends to set a bad example, I figure I saved them from a big temptation.
+College president shouldn't drink. Tends to set a bad example, I figure I saved them from a big temptation.	Oh Christ! I should of been there and I wasn't there, I should've been there.
+Oh Christ! I should of been there and I wasn't there, I should've been there.	There was nothing you could do. Lye down. C'mon.
+Think you can sleep?	Are you gonna steal my shoes now?
+Are you gonna steal my shoes now?	No, I tell fortunes by reading the crease, now shut up and go to sleep.
+Goodnight Dims.	Stealing is a sin.
+Lieutenant?	I came to say goodbye.
+I came to say goodbye.	You just missed them.
+You just missed them.	How's the girl?
+How's the girl?	She seemed fine.
+She seemed fine.	Ah, that's good. That's all that's important. Back to business. Back to work. Bye now, Father.
+Ah, that's good. That's all that's important. Back to business. Back to work. Bye now, Father.	Good bye.
+Do you like films?	Sure.
+Sure.	I get passes. In fact I got a pass for The Crest tomorrow night. Would you like to go?
+I get passes. In fact I got a pass for The Crest tomorrow night. Would you like to go?	What's playing.
+What's playing.	Withering Heights.
+Withering Heights.	Who's in it?
+Who's in it?	Heathcliff, Jackie Gleason, and in the role of Catherine Earnshaw, Lucille Ball.
+Heathcliff, Jackie Gleason, and in the role of Catherine Earnshaw, Lucille Ball.	I've seen it.
+I've seen it.	Another one. Had your lunch?
+Another one. Had your lunch?	No.
+Hello Regan. I'm a friend of your mother, I'd like to help you.	You might loosen the straps then.
+You might loosen the straps then.	I'm affraid you might hurt yourself Regan.
+I'm affraid you might hurt yourself Regan.	I'm not Regan.
+I'm not Regan.	I see. Well then let's introduce ourselves, I'm Damien Karras.
+I see. Well then let's introduce ourselves, I'm Damien Karras.	And I'm the Devil! Now kindly undo these straps!
+And I'm the Devil! Now kindly undo these straps!	If you're the devil, why not make the straps disappear?
+If you're the devil, why not make the straps disappear?	That's much to vulgar a display of power Karras.
+That's much to vulgar a display of power Karras.	Where's Regan?
+Where's Regan?	In here. With us.
+In here. With us.	Show me Regan and I'll loosen one of the straps.
+Your mother's in here with us Karras, would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it.	If that's true, then you must know my mother's maiden name. What is it?
+"He broke the bread, gave it to his disciples and said ""Take this, all of you and eat. For this is my body."" When the supper had ended, he took the cup, again he gave you thanks and praise. Gave the cup to his disciples and said ""Take this, all of you will drink from it, this is the cup of blood, the blood of the new and ever lasting covenant and the mystery of faith""."	What an excellent day for an exorcism.
+You'd like that?	Intensely.
+Intensely.	But wouldn't that drive you out of Regan?
+But wouldn't that drive you out of Regan?	It would bring us together.
+It would bring us together.	You and Regan?
+You and Regan?	You and us.
+Did you do that?	Uh Huh.
+Do it again.	In time.
+In time.	No now.
+No now.	In time. But mirabile dictu, don't you agree?
+You speak Latin?	Ego te abslovo.
+Ego te abslovo.	Quod nomen mihi est?
+Quod nomen mihi est?	Bon Jour.
+Bon Jour.	Quod nomen mihi est?
+Quod nomen mihi est?	La plume de ma tante.
+How long are you planning to stay in Regan?	Until she rots and lie stinking in the earth.
+What's that?	Holy water.
+Ydob eht ni mraw si ti! Uoy ees I! Tseirp a si eh! Emit su evig! Nirrem! Nirrem!	Who are you?
+Who are you?	Tseirp a si eh! Eno on ma I! Eno on ma I! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
+I am no one! I am no one! He is a priest!	Uoy era ohw.
+Uoy era ohw.	Merrin! Merrin!
+I am no one! I am no one! He is a priest!	Uoy era ohw.
+I'm all right.	How's your leg?
+Your Uncle John stopped by to visit me.	Oh really, when?
+Oh really, when?	Last month.
+Is that too tight?	No.
+No.	Now momma you have to stay off it, you can't keep go up and down those stairs you have to give it rest.
+Now momma you have to stay off it, you can't keep go up and down those stairs you have to give it rest.	Okay
+Okay	Momma I can take you somewhere to a place where you wouldn't be alone. There'd be people around, you know you won't have to sit here listening to the radio.
+Dimmy, you worry for something?	No momma.
+No momma.	You are not happy. Tell me what is the matter?
+You are not happy. Tell me what is the matter?	Momma, I'm all right, I'm fine, really I am.
+No.	I would like you to go quickly over to the resdence Damien, and gather up a cassock for myself, two surplices, a purple stole, and some holy water, and your copy of The Roman Ritual. The Large one. I believe we should begin.
+I would like you to go quickly over to the resdence Damien, and gather up a cassock for myself, two surplices, a purple stole, and some holy water, and your copy of The Roman Ritual. The Large one. I believe we should begin.	Do you want to hear the background of the case, first?
+Do you want to hear the background of the case, first?	Why?
+We may ask what is relevant, but anything beyond that is dangerous. He is a liar, the demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological , Damien. And powerful. So don't listen, remember that, do not listen.	I think it would be helpful if I gave you some background on the different personalities Regan has manifested. So far, there seems to be three. She's convinced-
+I think it would be helpful if I gave you some background on the different personalities Regan has manifested. So far, there seems to be three. She's convinced-	There's only one.
+Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation.	But deliver us from the evil one.
+Save me o' God by thy name, by thy might defend my cause, proud men have risen up against me, men of violence seek my life, but God is my helper, the Lord sustains my life and every need he has delivered to me, glory be to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.	As it was in the begin is now and ever shall be, world without end, amen.
+As it was in the begin is now and ever shall be, world without end, amen.	Save your servant
+Save your servant	Who places her trust in thee, my God.
+Who places her trust in thee, my God.	Be unto her o' Lord a fortified tower.
+Be unto her o' Lord a fortified tower.	In the face of the enemy.
+Let the enemy have no power over her.	And the son of iniquity be powerless to harm her.
+And let my cry come unto thee.	The Lord be with you.
+The Lord be with you.	And also with you.
+And also with you.	Let us pray. Holy Lord, almighty Father, everlasting God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who once and for all consigned that fallen tyrant to the flames of hell. Who sent your only begotten son into the world to crush that roaring lion.
+...and to redeem through your son. Who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the holy spirit, God forever and ever.	Amen
+Amen	O'Lord hear my preyer.
+Father Karras? Father Karras? Damien? The reponse please Damien!	And let my cry come unto thee.
+...and the power to confront this cruel demon.	Amen
+See the cross of the Lord. Be gone you hostile power. O'Lord hear my prayer.	And let my cry come unto thee.
+And let my cry come unto thee.	The Lord be with you.
+The Lord be with you.	And also with you.
+Amen.	Defender of the human race...
+Shut up!!	... upon this your servant, Regan Teresa MacNeil.
+Why this girl it makes no sense?	I think the point is to make us dispair... To see our selves as... animal and ugly... To reject the possibillity that God could love us.
+What is it?	Her heart.
+Her heart.	Can you give her something?
+Can you give her something?	She'll go into coma.
+You're not my mother!!!	Don't listen.
+Have we met?	No we haven't met, but they said I could tell; that you looked like a boxer.
+William F. Kinderman. Homicide.	What's this about?
+What's this about?	Yeah, it's true. You do look like a boxer. John Garfield, in Body and Soul. Exactly John Garfield anyone told you that Father?
+Yeah, it's true. You do look like a boxer. John Garfield, in Body and Soul. Exactly John Garfield anyone told you that Father?	Do people tell you look like Paul Newman?
+Do people tell you look like Paul Newman?	Always.
+You this director was doing a film here, Burke Dennings?	I've seen him.
+I've seen him.	You've seen him. You're also familiar with how last week he died?
+You've seen him. You're also familiar with how last week he died?	Only what I read in the papers.
+Only what I read in the papers.	Papers. Tell me, what do you know about the subject of witchcraft? From the witching end, not the hunting.
+Papers. Tell me, what do you know about the subject of witchcraft? From the witching end, not the hunting.	I once did a paper on it
+I once did a paper on it	Really?
+Really?	From the psychiatric end.
+From the psychiatric end.	I know. I read it. These desecration's in the church…you think they have anything to do with witchcraft?
+I know. I read it. These desecration's in the church…you think they have anything to do with witchcraft?	Maybe. Some rituals used in Black Mass. Maybe.
+Maybe. Some rituals used in Black Mass. Maybe.	And Dennings, you read how he died?
+And Dennings, you read how he died?	Yeah, a fall.
+Yeah, a fall.	Let me tell you how Father, and please confidential. Burke Dennings, good Father, was found at the bottom of those steps leading to 'M' Street, with his head turned completely around. Facing backwards.
+Let me tell you how Father, and please confidential. Burke Dennings, good Father, was found at the bottom of those steps leading to 'M' Street, with his head turned completely around. Facing backwards.	Couldn't it of happened on the fall.
+Couldn't it of happened on the fall.	It's possible. Possible however
+It's possible. Possible however	Unlikely.
+Unlikely.	Exactly. So on the one hand we've got a witchcraft type of murder and a Black Mass style of desecration in the church.
+Exactly. So on the one hand we've got a witchcraft type of murder and a Black Mass style of desecration in the church.	You think the killer and the desecrator are the same?
+You think the killer and the desecrator are the same?	Maybe somebody crazy, someone with a spite against the church, some unconscious rebellion, perhaps.
+Maybe somebody crazy, someone with a spite against the church, some unconscious rebellion, perhaps.	Sick priest, is that it?
+Sick priest, is that it?	Look, Father this is hard for you- please. But for priests on the campus here, you're the psychiatrist; you'd know who was sick at the time, who wasn't. I mean this kind of sickness. You'd know that.
+Look, Father this is hard for you- please. But for priests on the campus here, you're the psychiatrist; you'd know who was sick at the time, who wasn't. I mean this kind of sickness. You'd know that.	I don't know anyone who fits the description.
+I don't know anyone who fits the description.	Ah, doctor's ethics. If you knew you wouldn't tell, huh?
+Ah, doctor's ethics. If you knew you wouldn't tell, huh?	No I probably wouldn't.
+No I probably wouldn't.	Not to bother you with trivia, but a psychiatrist in sunny California was thrown in jail for not telling the judge what he knew about a patient.
+Not to bother you with trivia, but a psychiatrist in sunny California was thrown in jail for not telling the judge what he knew about a patient.	Is that a threat?
+Is that a threat?	No, I mentioned it only in passing.
+No, I mentioned it only in passing.	Incidentally I mention only in passing that I could tell the judge that it was a matter of confession.
+Hey, Father? You like movies?	Very much.
+Very much.	I get passes to the best shows in town. Mrs. K though, she gets tired and never likes to go.
+I get passes to the best shows in town. Mrs. K though, she gets tired and never likes to go.	That's to bad.
+That's to bad.	Yeah, I hate to go alone. You know, I like to talk film; discuss the critique. D'you wanna see a film with me? I got passes to The Crest. It's Othello.
+Yeah, I hate to go alone. You know, I like to talk film; discuss the critique. D'you wanna see a film with me? I got passes to The Crest. It's Othello.	Who's in it?
+Who's in it?	Who's in it? Debbie Reynolds, Desdemona, and Othello, Groucho Marx. You're happy?
+Who's in it? Debbie Reynolds, Desdemona, and Othello, Groucho Marx. You're happy?	I've seen it.
+I've seen it.	One last time: Can you think of some priest who fits the bill?
+One last time: Can you think of some priest who fits the bill?	Come on!
+Come on!	Answer the question, Father Paranoia.
+Answer the question, Father Paranoia.	Alright. You know who I think really did it?
+Alright. You know who I think really did it?	Who?
+Who?	The Dominicans. Go pick on them.
+The Dominicans. Go pick on them.	I could have you deported, you know that?
+MERRIN!!!!!!!	Are you tired?
+Stick your cock up her ass! You mother fucking, worthless cocksucker!	Be silent!
+Your mother sucks cocks in hell Karras, you faithless slime!	O'Lord hear my prey.
+Almighty Lord, word of God the father Jesus Christ, God and Lord of all creation, who gave to your holy apostle the power to tramp underfoot serpents and scorpions. Grant me, your unworthy servant pardon for all my sins...	Bastards! Stop!
+I cast you out!!! Unclean spirit...!	Shove it up your ass you faggot!
+Shove it up your ass you faggot!	...in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!!! It is he who commands you! He who flung you from the heights of Heaven to the depths of hell!
+...in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!!! It is he who commands you! He who flung you from the heights of Heaven to the depths of hell!	Fuck him!!!
+Fuck him!!!	...Be gone!!
+...Be gone!!	Fuck him Karras!!! Fuck him!!!
+Fuck him Karras!!! Fuck him!!!	...from this creature of God!!!
+...look down in pity...	You killed your mother!!! You left her alone to die!!!! She'll never forgive you!!! Bastard!!!
+Miss?	Yes?
+Yes?	We want to see Mrs. Karras.
+We want to see Mrs. Karras.	Do you have an appointment?
+Do you have an appointment?	Yes
+Yes	Are you a relative?
+Are you a relative?	Yes I am her brother, he's the son
+Yes I am her brother, he's the son	Just a minute.
+Are you comfortable Regan?	Yes.
+Yes.	How old are you?
+How old are you?	Twelve.
+Twelve.	Is there someone inside you?
+Is there someone inside you?	Sometimes.
+Sometimes.	Who is it?
+Who is it?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	Is it Captain Howdy?
+Is it Captain Howdy?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	If I ask him to tell me, will you let him answer?
+No.	Why not?
+Why not?	I'm afraid.
+I'm afraid.	If he talks to me, I think he'll leave you. Do you want him to leave you?
+If he talks to me, I think he'll leave you. Do you want him to leave you?	Yes.
+Give me the keys.	You're not going to drive.
+You're not going to drive.	Give me the keys!
+Give me the keys!	You're not going to drive!
+You're not going to drive!	It's my goddamn car!
+It's my goddamn car!	It's our goddamn car!
+It's our goddamn car!	Give me the keys.
+Give me the keys.	No.
+Frankie.	You wanted to see me, Charlie?
+You wanted to see me, Charlie?	Yeah, come on in.
+Yeah, come on in.	Little slow tonight.
+Little slow tonight.	Mondays.
+What's this?	Your pay.
+Your pay.	Now?  Why not tomorrow?  After the show.
+Now?  Why not tomorrow?  After the show.	Take it now.
+Take it now.	What about tomorrow?
+What about tomorrow?	We don't need you, Frankie.
+I've got the grands for two nights, Charlie.  You can't just --	It's all there.  Both nights.
+What're you saying, Charlie?	Look, Frankie.  You and Jack been playing here, a long time.
+Look, Frankie.  You and Jack been playing here, a long time.	Twelve years.
+Twelve years.	Right, twelve years.  Couple times a month.
+Right, twelve years.  Couple times a month.	So?
+So?	So maybe it's time we took a vacation from each other.
+So maybe it's time we took a vacation from each other.	Vacation?  Christ, Charlie, it's a Monday night. You said so yourself.
+Vacation?  Christ, Charlie, it's a Monday night. You said so yourself.	It wasn't half full out there tonight, Frankie. I got six waiters standing in back listening to baseball.  I gotta move the liquor. To move the liquor, I gotta fill the tables. It's a matter of economics.  Me, I love you. I love both you guys, you know that. You're class.  But people today. They don't know class if it walks up and grabs 'em by the balls.
+Trunks?	Swimming trunks.
+Swimming trunks.	Oh. No. Strictly dryland.
+Oh. No. Strictly dryland.	Too bad.  You could use some sun. Really.
+Too bad.  You could use some sun. Really.	Maybe next time.
+Maybe next time.	We have some lotion.
+We have some lotion.	Just the same.
+Just the same.	Suit yourself.
+Nothing's the matter. Is it, sweetheart?	I'll take her inside.  You too, little Frank.  Out of the pool.
+Well, look at this.	You bring trunks, Jack?
+Honey ...	You believe this?  The kid won't come out.  I'm playing 'Camptown Races' for him and the next thing I know he's locked himself in the bathroom. There's nothing sharp in there, is there?
+You believe this?  The kid won't come out.  I'm playing 'Camptown Races' for him and the next thing I know he's locked himself in the bathroom. There's nothing sharp in there, is there?	Honey ...
+Honey ...	Where are our kids? Has he got one of them in there?
+Where are our kids? Has he got one of them in there?	Frank.
+Beasley.	Baker.
+Baker.	What's our friend's problem?
+What's our friend's problem?	Teeth.
+Teeth.	What's wrong with them?
+What's wrong with them?	They're falling out.
+They're falling out.	Uh-oh.  That's not good.  Let's get him up here.
+They gotta go.	How many?
+How many?	Five's my guess.  Maybe more. Won't know till I get in there.  Leave him now and you can pick him up in the morning.
+Five's my guess.  Maybe more. Won't know till I get in there.  Leave him now and you can pick him up in the morning.	Isn't there something you can give him?  A pill or something?
+Isn't there something you can give him?  A pill or something?	Decay unfortunately doesn't limit itself to the denture, Mr. Baker. It spreads into his chest. Then the heart goes. We wouldn't want that, would we?
+Decay unfortunately doesn't limit itself to the denture, Mr. Baker. It spreads into his chest. Then the heart goes. We wouldn't want that, would we?	How will he eat?
+How will he eat?	Start him out on cottage cheese. If you've got him on kibble, just soak it a few minutes.  Go down like pudding through a hot pipe.
+Start him out on cottage cheese. If you've got him on kibble, just soak it a few minutes.  Go down like pudding through a hot pipe.	No bones?
+No bones?	No bones.
+What do you do to him?	Don't worry, Mr. Baker.  We'll knock him out. He won't feel a thing.
+Don't worry, Mr. Baker.  We'll knock him out. He won't feel a thing.	I think maybe I'll bring him back next week ...
+I think maybe I'll bring him back next week ...	The sooner we do this the better, Mr. Baker.
+You the magician?	No.
+No.	Oh.  What do you do?
+Piano.	Two at a time?
+Two at a time?	My brother and I. One each.
+My brother and I. One each.	Oh.
+Oh.	What's wrong with the kid?
+Knee.  Tore it up against St. Anthony's.  Right before the accident.	Accident?
+Accident?	The fire.  The way we're going we'll be lucky to buy a carton of jockstraps, let alone a new gym.
+What do you say we go for a walk, pal.	Get your hand off me.
+Get your hand off me.	Come on, friend.  I can smell it on you. Get yourself a cup of coffee.  You'll forget what you're angry about.
+Come on, friend.  I can smell it on you. Get yourself a cup of coffee.  You'll forget what you're angry about.	Go fuck yourself.
+Go fuck yourself.	You're a real tough guy when the ladies are around, aren't you, Ace?
+You're a real tough guy when the ladies are around, aren't you, Ace?	I don't see any ladies here. Except maybe you.
+Well, if it isn't the fabulous Baker Boys!	How's the birthday girl?
+How's the birthday girl?	A little stiffer, but just as sturdy.
+Uh, Ma, you know, no one calls him that anymore. Jack. He goes by Jack.	I thought maybe held gotten over that.
+I thought maybe held gotten over that.	Twenty years, Ma ...
+Twenty years, Ma ...	Yes, yes.  It's just that John is so much nicer. Jack sounds so ... crude. When I was a little girl, we had a pig on the farm named Jack. I guess I just can't help making the association.
+Uh ... yeah, well, you know, Ma, John Kennedy went by Jack.	Catholics.  What do you expect? Oh, well, what's in a name, right? Let's go inside and have a look at that cake.
+Oh my God ...	Recognize these two characters?
+Recognize these two characters?	I thought these were lost. Where did you find ...
+I thought these were lost. Where did you find ...	In the attic.  Behind some of Dad's stuff.  Look, Jack can hardly reach the pedals.
+Oh no!	I had a boy down at the camera shop cut them all together.  Boy, old man Henderson didn't fool around when he gave a haircut, did he, Jack?
+Oh, look at you two.  So skinny. And those tiny suits ...	Wait.  Watch.  Here comes Dad.
+What happened to the two Clays, Willie?	Out.
+Out.	When they coming in?
+When they coming in?	Wednesday next. Frank looks across the room at Jack.
+What's the gig?	Two nights.
+Tag 'em, Willie.  The Regency downtown, Thursday-Friday.  Thanks.	My pleasure.
+Great.  Terrific.  Glad you could make it.	How we doing?
+How we doing?	How we ... ? What, are you kidding me?
+How we ... ? What, are you kidding me?	Am I late?
+Am I late?	That's not the point.
+That's not the point.	What's the point?
+What's the point?	You cannot continue to walk in at the last moment, Jack.
+You cannot continue to walk in at the last moment, Jack.	You want me to show up late a few nights?
+You want me to show up late a few nights?	Jack.
+Jack.	Frank.
+Frank.	Jack.
+Jack.	Frank.  I'm here.  I always get here.  Don't sweat it.
+Frank.  I'm here.  I always get here.  Don't sweat it.	Christ, will you look at your hair?
+What's wrong with it?	You look like you just crawled out of bed.
+You look like you just crawled out of bed.	No one's gonna be looking at my hair.  Come on, we're on.
+You know, my brother and I have been playing together, gosh, I don't know.  How long has it been, Jack?	Twenty-eight years, Frank.
+That's a lot of water under the bridge, eh, Jack?	Lotta water.
+Lotta water.	Of course, back then, things were a little different.  I was eight, Jack was seven, just about the only song we knew was 'My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean', and the only one who would listen to us was the family cat, Cecil.  We must have shaved three lives off that cat, eh, Jack?
+Don't make trouble, all right?	Who's gonna make trouble?  Hey, amigo!
+I mean it, Jack.  Behave.	Like an angel.
+Count it.	Huh?
+Huh?	Count it.
+Count it.	Jack...
+Jack...	Count the fucking money, Frank.
+You mind telling me what that was about in there? Was that planned? Or were you just bored and decided to get creative?	Fuck him.
+Fuck him.	This isn't the Pine Tree Inn on Route 81, Jack.
+This isn't the Pine Tree Inn on Route 81, Jack.	Fuck him.
+Fuck him.	Fuck him.  Great.  Terrific.  Fuck him.
+So we on tomorrow night?	Maybe Thursday.  I hear the harpist at the Sheraton's got appendicitis.
+Listen ... why don't you come out to the house this weekend.  Say hello to the kids. They've grown.	I hate your kids, Frank.
+I hate your kids, Frank.	You're their uncle.
+You're their uncle.	Only by relation.  Besides, they hate me, too.
+Only by relation.  Besides, they hate me, too.	They don't.  They're always asking about you.
+They don't.  They're always asking about you.	They tried to electrocute me, Frank.
+They tried to electrocute me, Frank.	It was an accident.
+It was an accident.	It was no fucking accident, Frank. The little one ...
+It was no fucking accident, Frank. The little one ...	Cindy.
+Cindy.	She threw a goddamn radio into the bathtub. How do you explain that?
+She threw a goddamn radio into the bathtub. How do you explain that?	She didn't know what she was doing. You're too sensitive.
+She didn't know what she was doing. You're too sensitive.	You got weird kids, Frank.
+You got weird kids, Frank.	Look, I just thought if you came out you might see what you're missing.
+What d'ya got?,	Bosen black.  Flat.
+Bosen black.  Flat.	What d'you say, Willie?  Tighten her up?
+What d'ya got?	Yamaha white.  Nice.
+What do you think?	Try the black Knable.
+You know, I think it's been five years since I saw you eat anything. That's the God's truth.	Trust me, you're not missing anything.
+Trust me, you're not missing anything.	You look awful.
+You look awful.	Thanks.
+Thanks.	Really.  You sleeping?
+Really.  You sleeping?	Only on odd days.
+Only on odd days.	Seeing anyone in particular?
+Seeing anyone in particular?	Why the interest?
+Why the interest?	Because I'm your brother.  Because I care about you. Because sometimes it seems like the most significant relationship in your life is with that goddamn dog of yours.
+I'm not seeing anyone.  In particular.	What about that waitress at the Ambassador?
+What about that waitress at the Ambassador?	Uh-uh.  How about you?  You seeing anyone?
+Uh-uh.  How about you?  You seeing anyone?	Funny.  Strike a bell?
+Funny.  Strike a bell?	It's only a ring.  Not a collar.
+It's only a ring.  Not a collar.	It's more than that.
+By the way, we gotta go see Ma tomorrow.	No thanks.
+No thanks.	No, I mean it.
+No, I mean it.	So do I.
+So do I.	We gotta go, Jack.
+We gotta go, Jack.	No, you gotta go 'cause if you don't get up there every couple weeks you feel guilty. I won't feel guilty, so I don't gotta go.
+No, you gotta go 'cause if you don't get up there every couple weeks you feel guilty. I won't feel guilty, so I don't gotta go.	This time you gotta go.
+This time you gotta go.	I don't gotta go.
+I don't gotta go.	You gotta go.
+You gotta go.	Says who?
+Says who?	Your older brother.
+Your older brother.	You're thirteen months older than me, Frank. That might've meant something in the Apache clubhouse, but it don't cut too deep anymore.
+You're thirteen months older than me, Frank. That might've meant something in the Apache clubhouse, but it don't cut too deep anymore.	Christ, Jack, it's her birthday.
+So what'd we get her?	You'll see.
+I made her nervous.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	Her hands.  Like that.
+What's with Charlie?	Nothing.  Everything's great. Terrific.
+Yeah?	It's me.
+It's me.	Frank?
+Frank?	Yeah.  Listen ... come out to the house tomorrow, will ya?
+Yeah.  Listen ... come out to the house tomorrow, will ya?	I've had enough family for one month, Frank.
+I've had enough family for one month, Frank.	It's not family.  It's business.
+It's not family.  It's business.	So talk to me tomorrow.  After the gig.
+So talk to me tomorrow.  After the gig.	We don't get a gig.
+We don't get a gig.	What're you talking about?
+What're you talking about?	Something came up.  Don't worry, Charlie stayed true.  Both nights. I'll give you your share tomorrow. At the house.
+So you'll come out, right?	Yeah, okay.
+Jack.	Your doorbell doesn't work.
+Your doorbell doesn't work.	Honey, it's only Uncle Jack.  You remember Uncle Jack.
+Nice, huh?	What?
+What?	The trees.  The flowers.  Nice.
+The trees.  The flowers.  Nice.	Terrific.
+Terrific.	Yeah ... we're gonna paint in the spring. After the rains.  Look good as new.
+Yeah ... we're gonna paint in the spring. After the rains.  Look good as new.	You ask me out here to sell me your house, Frank?
+Charlie paid you off last night, didn't he?	I don't know what you mean.
+I don't know what you mean.	The hell you don't.
+The hell you don't.	I told you.  Something came up. Some political dinner or something.
+I told you.  Something came up. Some political dinner or something.	Bullshit.  Fifteen years, Frank. No one paid us off.
+Bullshit.  Fifteen years, Frank. No one paid us off.	It wasn't like that.
+It wasn't like that.	No?
+No?	No.
+No.	What was it like?
+What was it like?	Hey pal, I got a mortgage, all right? I got two kids. I got a wife. Besides, he made the deal. There's no shame in it.
+Hey pal, I got a mortgage, all right? I got two kids. I got a wife. Besides, he made the deal. There's no shame in it.	That how you see it?
+A gust of wind killed him.	Yeah, and what put him up there?
+Yeah, and what put him up there?	Hey, you weren't there.  Right?
+Look, can we forget last night? We gotta talk.	Talk.
+Talk.	I been thinking maybe we should make some changes.  I been thinking maybe we should take on a singer.
+Sure, why not.	It's just an idea.  I want your opinion. I mean, we go halfway on everything, right?
+It's just an idea.  I want your opinion. I mean, we go halfway on everything, right?	It's more like 40-60, wouldn't you say?
+It's more like 40-60, wouldn't you say?	We agreed that if I took care of the business; I'd be entitled to the extra. Isn't that what we agreed?
+We agreed that if I took care of the business; I'd be entitled to the extra. Isn't that what we agreed?	That's what we agreed.
+That's what we agreed.	If you're unhappy with the arrangement --
+If you're unhappy with the arrangement --	I'm not unhappy.
+I'm not unhappy.	If you'd like to assume more of the financial responsibilities, I'd be glad --
+If you'd like to assume more of the financial responsibilities, I'd be glad --	Frank.  Fuck it.  Okay?
+Frank.  Fuck it.  Okay?	I've tried to do well by you, Jack. By both of us.
+I've tried to do well by you, Jack. By both of us.	I'm grateful, Frank.  How much? For the singer.
+I'm grateful, Frank.  How much? For the singer.	I thought maybe twenty percent. Look, with the additional bookings we'll come out ahead.  The big hotels, they want a pretty girl with a big voice. We have to stay competitive, Jack.
+What's that?	You, Frank.  All these years you been telling me we're different.  We got novelty, Jack. No one can touch us.
+You, Frank.  All these years you been telling me we're different.  We got novelty, Jack. No one can touch us.	Two pianos isn't enough anymore, Jack.
+Two pianos isn't enough anymore, Jack.	It never was.
+Thirty-seven.  Thirty-seven.	What?
+What?	Thirty-seven girls. And not one who can carry a tune. That must be statistically impossible.
+Thirty-seven girls. And not one who can carry a tune. That must be statistically impossible.	It was a somewhat extraordinary day.
+It was a somewhat extraordinary day.	I just don't understand.  You would think someone ... anyone ...
+Jack.	Let's get it over with.
+Let's get it over with.	All right.  What's your name?
+What are you, crazy?	I just thought we should talk about it.  Between ourselves.
+I just thought we should talk about it.  Between ourselves.	What's there to talk about?  She can sing. That puts her at the head of the class. That makes her the only one in the class.
+What's there to talk about?  She can sing. That puts her at the head of the class. That makes her the only one in the class.	I don't know ... She had gum on her lip, for Christ sake. I don't think she's right for the act.
+I don't know ... She had gum on her lip, for Christ sake. I don't think she's right for the act.	You're getting cold feet about this.
+You're getting cold feet about this.	I was just thinking what Ma would think.
+I was just thinking what Ma would think.	Ma? Ma?  Was Ma there the last time we played the Ambassador?  Oh, that's right, she was on bass. How could I forget.
+How many other silent partners are there, Frank? Donna?  Little Cindy? Hell, let's give Eddie a vote.	Okay, okay.  I'll call the girl.
+What's the matter?	I didn't get her number.
+I suppose we can bring it down a little.	I'll drop the eighths.
+I'll drop the eighths.	Okay?
+Where the hell is she?	It's early.
+It's early.	I told everyone seven-fifteen. Didn't I? Seven-fifteen.
+I told everyone seven-fifteen. Didn't I? Seven-fifteen.	She'll get here.
+She'll get here.	Just like the day of the auditions, right?  Jesus.  How's my hair?
+Awe inspiring.	Yeah, well, Your's isn't.  Let me run a comb though it.
+Yeah, well, Your's isn't.  Let me run a comb though it.	Get out of here.
+Get out of here.	Come on, stand still.
+Come on, stand still.	Get out of here!
+Get out of here!	It's not gonna hurt you.
+It's not gonna hurt you.	I'll hit you, Frank.  I swear.
+You hit me.	I told you I was gonna hit you.
+All right, all right.  I'm a little tense.	You're a fucking alarm clock.
+You're a fucking alarm clock.	I just wish she'd get here, that's all.
+I just wish she'd get here, that's all.	She's here.
+No.	Here, how's this?
+See anything?	How about these?
+How about these?	Jack, for crying out loud.  Your bachelorhood's showing.  Ah, here we go.
+Oh, brother.	And it's especially nice to be among friends tonight, because, well, tonight's a very special night for my brother and I. This evening we've asked a young lady to join us, a lady Jack and I are sure will soon seem like just another old friend to you all.  She's making her debut here this evening and, as far as I'm concerned, she couldn't be doing it in a better place. Because there's one place that's always been for us a very special place, and that place is this place, the Ambassador Lounge.  Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome a very special lady with a very special way of singing a song, Miss Susie Diamond.
+Sounds like a booking agent looking to book an easy fee.	That's what I figure.  Probably have us in a bed-and-breakfast playing to the owls.
+Make it collect.	That's it except for the first. We got the Sheraton, the Ambassador, or the Holiday Inn on Sixtieth.  All three-day turns.
+Better take care of your fingers, little brother. Buy yourself a case of arthritis and you won't be able to play 'Chopsticks.'	I'll take my chances.
+Something, huh?  All those bids.	Yeah.  Something.
+Yeah.  Something.	Yeah ... Well, I gotta go.
+Yeah ... Well, I gotta go.	You wanna get a drink?
+You all right?	Yeah, fine.
+Yeah, fine.	Okay I'll see you tomorrow night then.
+Okay I'll see you tomorrow night then.	Right.
+Hey, Frank.	You recognized me.
+You recognized me.	Just a lucky guess.
+Just a lucky guess.	So what do you think?
+So what do you think?	Very realistic.
+Very realistic.	Yeah, well, what can I say?  Dad must've had forty pounds on me. Jesus, you remember him being this big?
+Yeah.	Well, the line's growing weaker, little brother. Lucky for us there aren't any dragons left to slay.
+You want to come out to the house tomorrow? The way the bookings been piling up, Donna's decided to really lay it on.  Turkey, stuffing, the whole bit.  Kitchen's so full of food you can hardly move.  We could use another appetite.	Thanks, but I've got plans.
+Thanks, but I've got plans.	All right, but if you change your mind, let me know.  I gotta go get Ma in the morning anyway.
+When's the last time we played a wedding, Jack?	Two years ago.  March.
+November.  '71.	First night?
+First night?	Day.  Wednesday.
+Day.  Wednesday.	Last?
+Last?	Sunday.
+I thought we had separate rooms.	We do.  She's got hers, we've got ours. Hey. Wash and Dries.
+We do.  She's got hers, we've got ours. Hey. Wash and Dries.	I thought we all had separate rooms.
+I thought we all had separate rooms.	Come on, Jack.  It's not like it's the first time we've bunked together.  It'll be like when we were kids.  Relax.  Enjoy the view.
+She was staying at the Grand downtown ...	It was April.  April seventeenth. That one I remember.
+It was April.  April seventeenth. That one I remember.	We were playing the lounge one night and she came in.
+We were playing the lounge one night and she came in.	Pearls.  White gown.  Beautiful.
+Pearls.  White gown.  Beautiful.	Frank asked if she'd sit in for a song, she said yes, and we did a few bars.
+Frank asked if she'd sit in for a song, she said yes, and we did a few bars.	A few bars!
+He's drunk.	Not true.  Besides, Jack's the romantic.
+Have some more wine, Frank.	Good idea.  To Peggy Lee.
+I'm putting my stuff on the right, okay?	Okay.
+Okay.	I figure that way we won't get confused.
+I figure that way we won't get confused.	Right.
+Right.	Unless you want the right.
+Unless you want the right.	No, you take the right.
+No, you take the right.	We might as well do the towels the same way.
+We might as well do the towels the same way.	Okay.
+Okay.	I just figure things'll go smoother, you know, if we have it all worked out from the beginning.
+I just figure things'll go smoother, you know, if we have it all worked out from the beginning.	Good idea.
+Good idea.	But if it doesn't work out, let me know.  I'm,flexible.
+But if it doesn't work out, let me know.  I'm,flexible.	Right.
+You leaving that on?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	All night?
+All night?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	We're gonna be here a week?
+We're gonna be here a week?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	So you're gonna leave it on. Every night.  For a week.
+So you're gonna leave it on. Every night.  For a week.	Yeah.  You mind?
+Yeah.  You mind?	Why would I mind?
+Why would I mind?	I don't know.  I mean, I always did it as a kid. I figured it was no big deal.  Is it?  A big deal?
+Accommodate?  I don't think I know what you mean.	I think what Mr. Daniels is trying to say, Jack, is --
+I think what Mr. Daniels is trying to say, Jack, is --	Why don't we let Mr. Daniels tell us what he's trying to say.
+Jack ... Jack ... You're acting like a kid.	No, that's your problem, Frank.  You get around one of these assholes and you turn into a fucking three-year-old.
+No, that's your problem, Frank.  You get around one of these assholes and you turn into a fucking three-year-old.	What's the matter with you?  So the piano's a little out of tune.  So what?
+What's the matter with you?  So the piano's a little out of tune.  So what?	Christ, can't you hear it?
+Christ, can't you hear it?	No! I never hear it!  Maybe.  Sometimes.  I don't know. But I won't let it bother me.
+No! I never hear it!  Maybe.  Sometimes.  I don't know. But I won't let it bother me.	Doesn't it matter to you?
+Doesn't it matter to you?	What matters to me is we've got the six easiest nights we've had in ten years. So 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon' sounds a little flat. So what?  Nobody's gonna hear it, Jack.  Nobody. So why should you care?
+What matters to me is we've got the six easiest nights we've had in ten years. So 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon' sounds a little flat. So what?  Nobody's gonna hear it, Jack.  Nobody. So why should you care?	Because I can hear it.
+Because I can hear it.	Well, then stuff cotton in your ears, because come six o'clock we're gonna walk into that dining room with smiles on. Understand, little brother?
+Thank you, thank you.  You know, Susie and Jack and I only just arrived here yesterday, but already the people here at the King Corporation's Moorish Manor have made us feel, well, a part of the family. And it's their hope that, before you leave, everyone of you will feel a part of that family also.  So, if during-the next few days, we should happen to pass one another in the hallway or in the lobby or wherever ... don't be a stranger. Stop.  Say hello.  Introduce yourself.  Because here, there are no strangers, only friends. And family.  Right, Jack?	Right.  I love you, Frank.
+Right.  I love you, Frank.	What?
+What?	I love you.  I just wanted to say it.
+What's the matter with you?	I'm sorry, Frank.  All that talk about family. I just got emotional.
+I'm sorry, Frank.  All that talk about family. I just got emotional.	How dare you say you love me.
+How dare you say you love me.	It won't happen again.  Scout's honor.
+What the hell are you doing?	What's it look like I'm doing? I'm tuning a goddamn piano.
+What's it look like I'm doing? I'm tuning a goddamn piano.	Really.
+Really.	Yes, really.  I don't want you to be unhappy, Jack.  If you say it's out of tune, it's out of tune.
+How's it coming?	Fine.
+Fine.	How long you been at it?
+How long you been at it?	Half-hour.  Once I finish this octave I'm gonna get breakfast.  You see what's on the buffet?
+Half-hour.  Once I finish this octave I'm gonna get breakfast.  You see what's on the buffet?	They stopped serving two hours ago.
+They stopped serving two hours ago.	Two hours ago!
+Two hours ago!	Time flies, huh?
+You haven't seen Susie, have you?	No. Why?
+No. Why?	Just wonder what she's up to. I never see her.  Makes me nervous.
+Just wonder what she's up to. I never see her.  Makes me nervous.	She's a big girl.
+She's a big girl.	Yeah, well, she's our girl now.  I think we better keep an eye on her.  There's trouble there.  Hey, listen to this.  Ethel and Bert Lane. Married seventy-five years.  You believe that?
+Yeah, well, she's our girl now.  I think we better keep an eye on her.  There's trouble there.  Hey, listen to this.  Ethel and Bert Lane. Married seventy-five years.  You believe that?	What the hell are these?
+What the hell are these?	Dedications.  I came up with the idea on the road. See, every morning the maids drop one of these cards in each room.  The guest fills out the card, leaves it at the front desk, and that night we play it.  Daniels went crazy for the idea.  And that's not all.  Last night, after the nine o'clock, he corners me, right, and starts asking about our availability.  Like he wants to line something up. I think he's got a hard-on for Susie.
+Funny, huh?	What?
+What?	Thinking there's someone who looks like you, walking around the street somewhere.  Wonder if I saw him I'd think it was you?
+What're you trying to do?  Wake up the whole goddamn hotel?	We were just having a little discussion about morality.
+You saw wrong.	Huh?
+Huh?	He's with the hotel.  I called him.
+He's with the hotel.  I called him.	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	We had a leak in the bathroom. He fixed it.
+We had a leak in the bathroom. He fixed it.	He was wearing a suit.
+He was wearing a suit.	He had to come quickly.  It was a big leak.
+He had to come quickly.  It was a big leak.	How come I didn't hear anything?
+How come I didn't hear anything?	You're a heavy sleeper, Frank. You've always-been a heavy sleeper.  Unlike me.
+What're you doing down here?	Celebrating.  Join me?
+Celebrating.  Join me?	The party's over.
+The party's over.	No, you're wrong.  It's just beginning. Come on, have a drink. Show your big brother how it's done.
+Expensive hangover.	A gift.  Courtesy of our courteous hotel manager, Mr. Daniels.  We, dear brother, are a fucking smash.  Yup.  They want us back.  Easter.  It seems they have this egg hunt every year.  Only not for kids. Adults.  They stuff these plastic eggs with Timexes and little certificates for free Mai Tais and everyone has a grand time crawling around on the front lawn.  Then afterwards, they have a dance.  An egg dance.  Everyone comes dressed in a different colored shell and at the end of the evening they crack themselves open.  It's our job to separate the yolks from the whites. Slippery business.
+The Royal.	Right.  The Royal.  When's the last time we were there?
+Right.  The Royal.  When's the last time we were there?	Couple years.
+Couple years.	February?
+February?	April.
+April.	Right.  It's incredible how you do that.  Remember things.
+Right.  It's incredible how you do that.  Remember things.	A useless talent.
+A useless talent.	Drove me crazy when we were kids. The way you never looked at the music. Miss Simpson would just play it and ...
+They were simple songs.	Not for me.  I still have to look at the music sometimes, you know that?  Otherwise, I forget. I just forget.  But you.  You never forget. Ever.  So how come you couldn't remember Ma's birthday?
+Not for me.  I still have to look at the music sometimes, you know that?  Otherwise, I forget. I just forget.  But you.  You never forget. Ever.  So how come you couldn't remember Ma's birthday?	I told you.  It's a useless talent.
+God, the old man would've loved this view, wouldn't he?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	I always think of him on New Year's. How he used to pour us each half a can of beer. Remember?
+I always think of him on New Year's. How he used to pour us each half a can of beer. Remember?	You always threw up.
+You always threw up.	Yeah, and you drank yours like it was orange juice. He loved that about you.
+Yeah, and you drank yours like it was orange juice. He loved that about you.	He was just having fun.
+He was just having fun.	It was like you'd passed some test, you know?
+It was like you'd passed some test, you know?	It was just a can of beer, Frank.
+It was just a can of beer, Frank.	Yeah, but he told you things.  He never told me anything.  Even though I was the oldest. It was always you two, running off, doing things together.
+Yeah, but he told you things.  He never told me anything.  Even though I was the oldest. It was always you two, running off, doing things together.	You could've come.
+You could've come.	I could've.  But he didn't want me to.
+I could've.  But he didn't want me to.	You're making things up, Frank.
+You're making things up, Frank.	Maybe so.  You ever go back there?  Where it happened.
+That takes care of this week.  The tenth we got the Sheraton, the sixteenth we're at the Capri.	The tenth's out.
+The tenth's out.	What?
+What?	I can't make the tenth.
+I can't make the tenth.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	I mean maybe you should check with us before you go off and book us a month in advance.
+I mean maybe you should check with us before you go off and book us a month in advance.	Be reasonable, Jack.
+Be reasonable, Jack.	I play two hundred nights a year with you, Frank. How much more reasonable you expect me to be?
+What're you doing?	Just until we find another girl.
+Just until we find another girl.	Cancel, Frank.
+Cancel, Frank.	You want to know how much I got tied up in deposits with Willie?  We're in for three weeks solid, Jack.
+You want to know how much I got tied up in deposits with Willie?  We're in for three weeks solid, Jack.	Better give her pneumonia.
+You know, my brother and I have been playing together, gosh, I don't know.  Jack?	Twenty-eight years.
+We're not getting paid then.	No.
+No.	Nothing. We get nothing.
+Nothing. We get nothing.	I told you, Jack.  It's a telethon. No one gets a cent.
+I told you, Jack.  It's a telethon. No one gets a cent.	What's it for?
+What's it for?	I don't know. Some disease.
+I don't know. Some disease.	What disease?
+What disease?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	You don't know?
+You don't know?	It's a disease, Jack.  We're against it. It's not a moral decision.
+It's a disease, Jack.  We're against it. It's not a moral decision.	What channels it on?
+What channels it on?	Seventy-one
+Seventy-one	Seventy-one?  What's seventy-one?
+Seventy-one?  What's seventy-one?	A channel. It's just a little further down the dial, that's all. Look, it's publicity.  Publicity's publicity.  Right?
+We're on after Meadowlark.  What's wrong?	Are you kidding me?  Are you fucking kidding me?
+Are you kidding me?  Are you fucking kidding me?	What?
+What?	We're playing for a goddamn gymnasium!
+We're playing for a goddamn gymnasium!	What?
+Jack, you're on television.	Shut up, Frank.
+What-are you?  A fucking moron? It's three o'clock in the morning, Frank.  Who's watching?  Your wife? Maybe you can get us a gig playing Little Frank's birthday party. What do you think?	Look.  I didn't know when we were going to be on until yesterday.  What was I supposed to do? I had the pianos anyway.
+Look.  I didn't know when we were going to be on until yesterday.  What was I supposed to do? I had the pianos anyway.	Basketballs, Frank.  You had us playing for basketballs.
+Basketballs, Frank.  You had us playing for basketballs.	I'm sorry.  I should've checked it out.  I screwed up.  But that doesn't mean you walk out in the middle of a gig.
+I'm sorry.  I should've checked it out.  I screwed up.  But that doesn't mean you walk out in the middle of a gig.	What?
+What?	It wasn't professional, Jack.  It was a stunt. A stupid-ass stunt.
+What's happening to you, Frank?  You been kissing ass so long you're starting to like it?  You let that guy turn us into clowns tonight.  We were always small time, but we were never clowns, Frank. What's happened to your dignity?	Dignity?  Who the hell are you to talk about dignity?
+Stay off it.	No, let's stay on it.  I'm sick and tired of watching you make him up into some kinda god. For Christ sake, Jack, he died doing a stupid bullshit jig.  He left a wife and two sons.  He wasn't a hero.  He was a fool.
+No, let's stay on it.  I'm sick and tired of watching you make him up into some kinda god. For Christ sake, Jack, he died doing a stupid bullshit jig.  He left a wife and two sons.  He wasn't a hero.  He was a fool.	You weren't there.
+You weren't there.	That's right.  I wasn't there.  I don't have the luxury of being a witness to tragedy.
+That's right.  I wasn't there.  I don't have the luxury of being a witness to tragedy.	Fuck you.
+Fuck you.	No, fuck you.  And fuck him too. Fuck the both-of you.
+Jack!	Who's weak now, big brother?
+I didn't hear you come in.	What're you doing?
+What're you doing?	Oh ... I was just hoping for something to drink.  But it seems the old lady was dry. Not even a bottle of cooking sherry.
+Uh, we already boxed some things.  I figured you'd want to go through Dad's stuff.  It's in there. If you want to get started.	Later.
+Is everything done?  The arrangements, I mean.	Oh. Yeah.  It was all worked out before, you know. She and Dad had taken care of it.
+Oh. Yeah.  It was all worked out before, you know. She and Dad had taken care of it.	Right.
+Right.	I set it for Wednesday.  The ceremony.  They're doing the stone today.  It's okay?  Wednesday?
+I set it for Wednesday.  The ceremony.  They're doing the stone today.  It's okay?  Wednesday?	Yeah, fine.
+Yeah, fine.	There's not going to be a viewing. I figured with the kids and all ...
+There's not going to be a viewing. I figured with the kids and all ...	Sure.
+Go ahead.	No.
+No.	Bought it on the way over.  Clean as a nun.
+Bought it on the way over.  Clean as a nun.	No, it's not that.  I ... can't drink from the bottle.  I ... gag.
+No, it's not that.  I ... can't drink from the bottle.  I ... gag.	Oh, yeah, right.  I forgot.
+Hey, what do you know.  Looks like we can have that drink after all.  What's your pleasure?  We got the downtown Ramada. We got the Travelodge on Route 41. And ... the Mallory.	I'll take the Mallory.
+I'll take the Mallory.	Good choice.
+Looks like these got a few years on them.	This'll kill 'em.
+How're your hands?	Oh. Fine.  It was nothing.  Couple sore knuckles.  Nothing.
+Oh. Fine.  It was nothing.  Couple sore knuckles.  Nothing.	You know, that night, I ... It just all came up.
+You know, that night, I ... It just all came up.	Yeah, I know.  Me, too.
+Yeah, I know.  Me, too.	I mean, you can play.  You're okay.
+I mean, you can play.  You're okay.	I can keep the beat.
+Charlie called.	Yeah?
+Yeah?	Yeah.  Larry Shelton.  Blackie.  Couple others. Donna said even Lloyd called the other day. Nothing like a little absence to make the heart grow fonder, huh?
+Yeah.  Larry Shelton.  Blackie.  Couple others. Donna said even Lloyd called the other day. Nothing like a little absence to make the heart grow fonder, huh?	Yeah.
+Jesus, when was the last time we played the Mallory?	Five years ago.  November.
+Five years ago.  November.	Right.  It was someone's birthday. Halloran?
+Right.  It was someone's birthday. Halloran?	Daughter's.  Sweet sixteen.
+Daughter's.  Sweet sixteen.	Christ, that's right.  How could I forget.  What a nightmare.
+Christ, that's right.  How could I forget.  What a nightmare.	She asked for it.
+She asked for it.	I told Halloran we didn't do vocals, but he said:
+You should've told us you were coming, Ma. We would've come and got you.	Spur of the moment.
+Spur of the moment.	So what'd you think?
+So what'd you think?	Thrilling.  Both of you.
+Thrilling.  Both of you.	The audience was a little off tonight.
+The audience was a little off tonight.	A few empty tables.  It's cozier. Besides, Mel Torme couldn't fill this place on a Wednesday night.
+A few empty tables.  It's cozier. Besides, Mel Torme couldn't fill this place on a Wednesday night.	I guess you're,right.  Well, what do you say we get a little midnight snack? Theo's should still be open.
+I guess you're,right.  Well, what do you say we get a little midnight snack? Theo's should still be open.	No, no.  You boys are tired.
+No, no.  You boys are tired.	No, we're not.  Jack?
+You sure?	Just call me a cab.
+Just call me a cab.	A cab?  Ma, come on.  My car's just a half block down.  You wait here.
+A cab?  Ma, come on.  My car's just a half block down.  You wait here.	All right.
+Your limo's ready, Ma.	All right.
+Sick?  How sick?	The flu.
+The flu.	So she's got a few sniffles.
+So she's got a few sniffles.	Doctor's orders.
+You got no right springing this on me, Frankie. It's unethical.	Look, Nick.  You want us to pack up, we'll pack up.
+Look, Nick.  You want us to pack up, we'll pack up.	What am I gonna do?  Put a record player out there?  Bad, Frankie.  Bad.
+Actually, that's my stage name.	I'm sorry?
+I'm sorry?	Moran.  Monica.  The whole thing. It's my stage name.  My real name's Blanche.
+Moran.  Monica.  The whole thing. It's my stage name.  My real name's Blanche.	Blanche.
+Blanche.	No romance, right?  That's why I came up with Monica. It's what I prefer.
+No romance, right?  That's why I came up with Monica. It's what I prefer.	Well, that's fine --
+Well, that's fine --	But if you call my house and my mother answers, ask for Blanche.  If you ask for Monica, she'll think you have the wrong number and hang up.
+But if you call my house and my mother answers, ask for Blanche.  If you ask for Monica, she'll think you have the wrong number and hang up.	Right.
+Right.	And if she asks what it's about, don't tell her. She's opposed to my career.
+And if she asks what it's about, don't tell her. She's opposed to my career.	Uh-huh.  Well, Miss Moran, what is it you'd like to do for us?
+Uh-huh.  Well, Miss Moran, what is it you'd like to do for us?	Candy Man.'  Is that all right?
+Candy Man.'  Is that all right?	It's one of Jack's favorites.
+Uh... he knows it.	Really?  Isn't that a coincidence.
+Oh, sorry.  I get so caught up in it sometimes.  It's scary.	Yes, it is.
+Yes, it is.	Well ... thanks.  Bye.
+This where the auditions are?	This is where the auditions were.
+This is where the auditions were.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	We're finished.
+We're finished.	What about me?
+You're an hour and a half late.	My watch is broken, too.
+My watch is broken, too.	Punctuality.  First rule of show business.
+This is show business?	Look, miss.  We're tired, you have gum on your lip, and we're going home.
+Look, miss.  We're tired, you have gum on your lip, and we're going home.	Just like that, huh?  You're not even gonna give me a chance?
+Just like that, huh?  You're not even gonna give me a chance?	Don't take it personally.
+Don't take it personally.	How should I take it?
+How should I take it?	Impersonally.
+I don't believe it.  I come all the way down down here, break a heel, and you're not gonna give me a chance because I have gum on my lip and I'm a few minutes late.	You're an hour and a half late.
+You're an hour and a half late.	So if I'm so 'late how come you're still here?
+So if I'm so 'late how come you're still here?	We ran long.
+We ran long.	So run a little longer.
+So run a little longer.	Miss --
+Miss --	You find a girl?
+Terrific.  Thirty-eight.	What's that mean?  Thirty-eight.
+Susie.  Susie Diamond.	Catchy.  You have any previous entertainment experience, Miss Diamond?
+I'm sorry to interrupt, but when I saw you sitting here, I just had to come over.  Florence Simmons.	Uh ... Frank Baker.  This is my brother.
+Hey, it's legit.  Strictly dinner and dance.	Okay.  I think that's all we need to know.
+Okay.  I think that's all we need to know.	I sing now?
+I sing now?	That's the premise.
+So?	Uh ... we'll let you know.
+When?	When we know.
+When we know.	Don't leave a girl hanging. Second rule of show business.
+Ready?	What are we, an orchestra all of a sudden?
+What's the problem?	The problem is I can't hear myself sing with all this...  ... music.  You know what I'm saying?
+I mean, you're supposed to be backing me up, right?	No. We are not supposed to be backing you up.
+No. We are not supposed to be backing you up.	What I mean is --
+What I mean is --	We're a team.  We work together.
+We're a team.  We work together.	So work with me, not against me. Okay?
+Christ, look at her. You'd think if she was gonna wear her street clothes she'd have enough sense to come in the back.  Good evening, Miss Diamond.  You're late.	Where's my name?
+Where's my name?	What-?
+What-?	And how come you guys are the only ones with your pictures on the poster?
+And how come you guys are the only ones with your pictures on the poster?	We'll talk about it later.  Right now, you gotta get changed.
+We'll talk about it later.  Right now, you gotta get changed.	Changed?
+Changed?	Where's your dress?
+Where's your dress?	What's he talking about?
+What's he talking about?	Is there a language problem here?  Your dress. For tonight.  Where is it?
+Is there a language problem here?  Your dress. For tonight.  Where is it?	Do I look like I'm naked?
+Do I look like I'm naked?	That!  You can't wear that!
+That!  You can't wear that!	What's wrong with it?
+What's wrong with it?	It's orange!
+It's orange!	Am I missing something?
+Come on.	Hey!
+Hey!	Come on.  We don't have much time.
+Come on.  We don't have much time.	Time for what?
+If you ask me, this is pretty stupid.	Just look.  What do you wear? A nine?
+Just look.  What do you wear? A nine?	A seven.
+A seven.	My wife wears a seven.  You don't look like a seven to me.
+My wife wears a seven.  You don't look like a seven to me.	I wear a seven.
+I wear a seven.	Okay, okay.  Here, how about this?
+Okay, okay.  Here, how about this?	Save it for your wife.
+Save it for your wife.	We're not exactly silly with time, you know.  Jack, you find anything?
+Hey, pal.  I don't know about you, but where I come from there's a little girl's room and a little boy's room and the little boys don't go where the little girls go.	All right, but make it quick.  Shoes!  What size do you wear?
+All right, but make it quick.  Shoes!  What size do you wear?	Nine.
+Nine.	Nine?
+Nine?	Nine!
+Nine!	Big feet.
+What do you think?	Uh... good.
+Uh... good.	Zip me up?
+Shoes?	Right.
+They're tight.	They're nines.
+They're nines.	Well, they're aspiring to be sevens.
+Well, they're aspiring to be sevens.	You can buy new ones tomorrow.
+You can buy new ones tomorrow.	Oh, thanks.
+Oh, thanks.	Don't worry.  We'll take it out of your share.
+Don't worry.  We'll take it out of your share.	You're a prince.
+We need scissors over here! Who's got scissors?  Okay, remember.  Jack and I go on first, I do the set-up, then introduce you. And you say ...	Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be here. It's like a dream come true. And speaking of dreams ...
+Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be here. It's like a dream come true. And speaking of dreams ...	Right.
+Right.	Piece of cake.
+The switch.  Hit the switch.	Switch?  What fucking switch?
+Fucking.  She says fucking in front of an entire room of people.	I said I was sorry.
+I said I was sorry.	Did you hear it?
+Fucking.	For Christ sake, I said it, I didn't do it.  Besides, I don't think they were too offended, do you?
+For Christ sake, I said it, I didn't do it.  Besides, I don't think they were too offended, do you?	Give me that.
+Give me that.	Hey!
+Hey!	We are not a saloon act.  We do not take tips from dirty old men.
+We are not a saloon act.  We do not take tips from dirty old men.	I was gonna split it with you guys.
+I was gonna split it with you guys.	We do not take tips.  I'll apply this to the cost of the dress.
+Jack, you with us?	The Carlton's a dump.  No cover.  No minimum. And they water their drinks. It's strictly for the Fuller brush crowd.
+I guess it's,the Plaza then. That brings us to the twenty-seventh. We got the Avedon for three or the Park downtown for two.	We take the Avedon, right?  Simple.
+By the way, I got a messsage yesterday from some guy looking for New Year's action.  Resort, upstate.	Hey.
+Maybe it's legit.	Maybe.  I'll call him.
+Uh, well ... we flipped a coin.	So find a dime.  Let's get out of here.
+Well, well.  Ho, ho, ho.  You moonlighting at Macy's, Frank?	For the kids.  Merry Christmas, you two.  Don't forget.  We leave the twenty-sixth.
+You two could play checkers.	Maybe we should just listen to the radio.
+Maybe we should just listen to the radio.	Sorry.  It only plays static.
+You play all these places?	Baker's unabridged.
+Baker's unabridged.	Jesus, you fellas've made a lot of noise.  What's with the stars?
+Jesus, you fellas've made a lot of noise.  What's with the stars?	Virgins.
+Virgins.	Virgins?
+Virgins?	First times. Hey, look at this.
+He's right.	He's always right.  Go ahead.  Pick a virgin.
+Go ahead.	Okay.The Fantasy Inn.
+Okay.The Fantasy Inn.	Jack?
+I don't believe it.	I told you, he's got the gift.  Same with music. Hears it once and he's got it.
+And how about this air? I'm telling you, a few days in this place'll put five years on your life.	Smells like fish.
+Smells like fish.	Of course it smells like fish. We're on the ocean. What'd you expect, Chanel number five?
+Of course it smells like fish. We're on the ocean. What'd you expect, Chanel number five?	Smells like tuna number two to me.
+Smells like tuna number two to me.	It's paradise.  That's what it is. Paradise.
+Hey, we're connected.	Great.
+Great.	Great?
+Great?	Yeah.
+You're kidding me.	As Charlie Steinway is my witness.
+As Charlie Steinway is my witness.	Peggy Lee?
+Peggy Lee?	Tell her.
+What'd she sing?	People.' You think Streisand, right? Hot that night.  Chills. Through the whole audience.  I could hardly play.
+People.' You think Streisand, right? Hot that night.  Chills. Through the whole audience.  I could hardly play.	Wow. You ever see her again?
+Wow. You ever see her again?	No. We got a picture, though. One of the waitresses had a camera.  God, we were just kids.  That was something, wasn't it?
+Hey, will you look at that?	They must've bought the same map we did.
+They must've bought the same map we did.	What do you say we send a bottle over?
+What do you say we send a bottle over?	I don't believe it.  You're a romantic, Frank.
+Oh yeah?	He's just afraid to show it. Aren't you, little brother?
+What's with you two?	Jack woke up on the wrong side of the bottle.
+Uh, well, I love you, too, Jack.  So. Susie.  How 'bout it.	Huh?
+Huh?	Got another song for us?
+Got another song for us?	Oh. Yeah.  I gotta bunch of them.
+Oh. Yeah.  I gotta bunch of them.	Well then ... shall we?
+What's with you guys?	Someone needs to grow up.  I won't take it, Jack.
+Forget your tie, handsome ... Frank!	You want to tell me what the hell's going on?
+You want to tell me what the hell's going on?	Huh?
+Huh?	I just saw a man walk out of your room.
+I just saw a man walk out of your room.	Uh ...
+Uh ...	In case you've forgotten, we're being paid to be here.  So it might be nice if you conducted yourself with a certain amount of decency.
+In case you've forgotten, we're being paid to be here.  So it might be nice if you conducted yourself with a certain amount of decency.	Decency?  Hey listen, pal ...
+Decency?  Hey listen, pal ...	No. You listen.  I had my doubts about you from the beginning
+Some discussion.	I just saw a man walk out of your room!
+I guess I ... If I jumped to...	Forget it.
+How about you?  Got a Bar Mitzvah this weekend?	Huh?
+Huh?	Forget it.
+I can't sing it anymore.	What?
+What?	That song.  I can't sing it anymore. I'm gonna get sick.
+That song.  I can't sing it anymore. I'm gonna get sick.	What're you talking about?  They love it.
+What're you talking about?  They love it.	I'm gonna throw up, Frank.  I mean it. Let's drop it for the ten o'clock, okay?
+I'm gonna throw up, Frank.  I mean it. Let's drop it for the ten o'clock, okay?	Susie.  It's one more show.  One more time.  That's all.
+Susie.  It's one more show.  One more time.  That's all.	And two more times tomorrow night, and two more times the next night, and the next night and the next night and the next night.  Frank, I can't sing that fucking song anymore!
+Good morning, gentlemen.  I'm Mr. Daniels, the manager.  I believe I've spoken to one of you on the phone.	That'd be me, sir.  Frank Baker. This is my brother Jack.
+Tom here tells me there's a problem with the pianos.  We were assured they were in tune.	Yes, well, they are.
+Yes, well, they are.	Then I'm afraid I don't understand.
+Then I'm afraid I don't understand.	They are in tune.  But not with each other.
+They are in tune.  But not with each other.	Is that important?
+Is that important?	Uh, well ...
+Terrific, boys.  Really.  Terrific.	Thanks, Lloyd.
+Thanks, Lloyd.	Yes, sir.  You're just what we needed on a night like this.
+Yes, sir.  You're just what we needed on a night like this.	Uh ... thanks.
+Uh ... You don't know when you'll be wanting us back, do you, Lloyd?	I'll call you.
+I'll call you.	Uh, well, you know, the way our schedule is, I thought maybe...
+Uh, well, you know, the way our schedule is, I thought maybe...	I'll call you.
+Yes, sir.  That's quite a girl you boys latched onto.  She a local?	Born and bred.
+Born and bred.	Lucky for you.  Well, there you go, guys. Don't spend it all in one place. Oh ... you want to count it, Jack?
+Lucky for you.  Well, there you go, guys. Don't spend it all in one place. Oh ... you want to count it, Jack?	We trust you, Lloyd.  You know that.
+Whatcha doin' over there?	Gotta go.
+Gotta go.	How come?
+How come?	Job.
+Funny hours.	Funny job.
+Funny job.	Will I see you again?
+Brought it.	Shit, thank God.  You look like a creep.
+Shit, thank God.  You look like a creep.	Thanks.
+Thanks.	I mean, I'd hate to think I'd pick up someone who wore that shit.
+No.	So. I'm here, you're here, the piano's here.  What d'ya say?
+Don't worry about it.	You know, I'm feeling a lot of hostility from you.
+Barker.  Jock Barker?	Baker.  Jack Baker.
+Baker.  Jack Baker.	Right.  Bring him back.
+Right.  Bring him back.	Come on, Ed.
+You should've brought a leash, Mr. Barker. The doctor doesn't like to be bitten.	He doesn't bite.
+He doesn't bite.	They never do, Mr. Barker.
+They never do, Mr. Barker.	Baker.
+Baker.	Right.  In there.
+No, I, uh, left a dog here this morning. He needed some work on his mouth.	Regular hours are eight to five.
+Regular hours are eight to five.	Yeah, yeah, I know.  I was just passing by. Thought I'd check in on him.
+Yeah, yeah, I know.  I was just passing by. Thought I'd check in on him.	You can check in on him tomorrow. Between eight and five.
+You can check in on him tomorrow. Between eight and five.	Yeah, well, couldn't I take a look now?
+You want to know if he's okay. Right?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	All right.  Hold on.
+All right.  Hold on.	The name's Baker --
+The name's Baker --	Save it.  What's he look like?
+Save it.  What's he look like?	Black.  Labrador.
+Black.  Labrador.	All right. they lay the dead ones out in the cold room.  I'll take a look.
+Well, now, where's everyone run off to? Frank?	Downstairs.
+No.	I'm tired.  Really.  I should get home.
+It went well tonight.	Frank works hard.
+Frank works hard.	And you don't?
+And you don't?	He leads, I follow.
+He leads, I follow.	Is that the way it is?
+Is that the way it is?	Pretty much.
+Pretty much.	He mentioned you had a girl for a while.  A singer.
+He mentioned you had a girl for a while.  A singer.	For a while.  She left.
+For a while.  She left.	Yes, well, it's probably best. No sense bringing someone else in.
+Yes, well, it's probably best. No sense bringing someone else in.	I suppose.
+You miss him, don't you?	It's been a long time, Ma.
+It's been a long time, Ma.	Yes.  I supposed you still have that old phone booth.
+Hey, he's not sore, is he?	He'll come around.
+You never sang before?	Not for money. With my mother.
+Fucking.	Look, they were all on their third Mai Tais by the time I got out there anyway.
+The Park?  It's only two nights. Why throw away a night?	Because Blackie Carson books the Park and whenever we've needed a gig he's come through.
+Because Blackie Carson books the Park and whenever we've needed a gig he's come through.	Oh.  Well, for Blackie then.
+Where's egghead?	His kid's sick.
+His kid's sick.	I don't know.  It's hard figuring you two as brothers.  Seems like the hospital might've scrambled the babies somewhere.
+He takes after our mother.	Yeah,well, a11 I know is mother nature must be one crazy dame.  Shit.
+Uh-uh.  I never touch American cigarettes.  What's tomorrow again?	The Stratford.
+The Stratford.	Nice place.  Fulla velvet.  Even the bedspreads.  Damn!  Two-fifty a pack and I go through 'em like toothpicks. Twelve-and-a-half cents a piece, you believe that?
+Nice place.  Fulla velvet.  Even the bedspreads.  Damn!  Two-fifty a pack and I go through 'em like toothpicks. Twelve-and-a-half cents a piece, you believe that?	Huh?
+Huh?	Paris Opals.  Twelve-and-a-half cents.  I sat down with a pencil and added it one day.  But I figure, if you're gonna be sticking something in your mouth, you might as well make it the best.  Ah, here's a lost soul.
+Mmm.  Like kissing a rose.  Well, au revoir.	Hey.  You feel like a cup of coffee?
+Hey.  You feel like a cup of coffee?	You kidding?  We must've killed three pots in there.  Anyway, I gotta get home.  Rest the pipes.
+You kidding?  We must've killed three pots in there.  Anyway, I gotta get home.  Rest the pipes.	You want me to walk you?
+No. Thanks. She starts to move away, then stops and looks back.	Hey, listen.  You're not going soft on me, are you? I mean, you're not gonna start dreaming about me and waking up all sweaty and looking at me like I'm some kinda princess when I burp.
+Hey, listen.  You're not going soft on me, are you? I mean, you're not gonna start dreaming about me and waking up all sweaty and looking at me like I'm some kinda princess when I burp.	Forget it.
+Forget it.	I mean, that'd be too creepy. With us working together and all.
+I mean, that'd be too creepy. With us working together and all.	Forget it.
+Forget it.	Nothing personal --
+He do that every year?	Every year.
+Every year.	Aren't the kids asleep?
+Aren't the kids asleep?	Every year.
+Every year.	So why's he do it?
+So why's he do it?	I guess in case one year they're not.
+Oh, sorry.  With the light always on, it's hard to tell.	It's okay.  Last one.
+It's okay.  Last one.	Can't sleep?
+Can't sleep?	In and out.
+In and out.	It's the waves.  God's music, my mother used to say. She was crazy for the ocean.
+It's the waves.  God's music, my mother used to say. She was crazy for the ocean.	Yeah, well, I wish God would go a little easy on the trumpets.
+Yeah, well, I wish God would go a little easy on the trumpets.	How's egghead?
+How's egghead?	Like a baby. You?
+Like a baby. You?	In and out.
+If you want, I got a pack in the room.	No thanks.  I never touch French cigarettes.
+Yeah, well, thanks for sticking your head in.	Hey, business is business.
+It wasn't business.  It was pleasure.	Just dinner and dance, right?
+Relax.  We'll drop the song.	Guess I got a little scattered.
+Guess I got a little scattered.	It's a shitty  song.
+How do you do it? Every night?	Practice.  There are worse songs, you know. Not many, but a few.
+I can keep the beat.	Better than that.
+What's the matter?	Nothing.
+Nothing.	What'd I say?
+What'd I say?	Nothing.
+Nothing.	You're upset.
+You're upset.	I'm not upset.
+I'm not upset.	All I said was you were good.
+All I said was you were good.	Look. You don't know good. All right?
+Look. You don't know good. All right?	What's that supposed to mean?
+What's that supposed to mean?	It means you wouldn't know good if it came up and fucked you.
+It means you wouldn't know good if it came up and fucked you.	You were good.
+You were good.	Let's make a deal.  You shut up.
+Let's make a deal.  You shut up.	You were good.
+You were good.	How do you know?
+How do you know?	Because I saw the other people! And they knew you were good! You were good, goddamnit!
+Nina?	Who's Nina?
+Who's Nina?	Friend.
+Friend.	Friend?  What's she look like? Maybe I can help you find her.
+Friend?  What's she look like? Maybe I can help you find her.	She's four feet tall.  Ed?
+She's four feet tall.  Ed?	Ed? How many people live here?
+I have to make him some chili. Okay?	Sure.
+Like diamonds, huh?  I never get over it. When I was a little girl, my mama'd stand me before the window and tell me to close my eyes and make a wish.Like I could reach out and grab all the lights of the city and string them into-a necklace for myself.  She'd take my hand and when she closed her eyes, I don't know, it was like she really believed it.	How come you didn't close your eyes?
+You know, I saw you guys once. You and Frank.  At the Roosevelt.	Must've been a cheap date.
+Must've been a cheap date.	Soap convention.
+Soap convention.	Soap?
+Soap?	Yeah, they got a convention for everything. At least he was clean.  Boy, the guys I met when I was with the service, you wouldn't believe.  The older ones, they were okay.  Nice.  Polite.  Pulled the chair out for you.  But the younger ones ...  Mama used to say, dance with a man once, but if you can feel calluses on his fingers, don't dance with him again.  She thought she had it all figured out. But she wasn't so smart.  There are killers with palms like a baby.
+History.	Huh?
+Huh?	My father proposed to my mother in there.
+My father proposed to my mother in there.	No kidding?
+The both of them?  In there?	He called her.
+He called her.	Oh. So what's it doing here?
+Oh. So what's it doing here?	Long story.
+Long story.	You sending me home?
+They'd been out dancing all night and he took her to the train station -- she lived over in Brookhaven.  Usually held ride with her, but this time he didn't.  Anyway, he starts walking home, only as he's walking he starts getting nervous.	Nervous?
+Nervous?	By the time he gets to the corner newstand, he's got her meeting some rich guy on the train, the rich guy's asked her to marry him, and he's reading about it in the morning edition.
+By the time he gets to the corner newstand, he's got her meeting some rich guy on the train, the rich guy's asked her to marry him, and he's reading about it in the morning edition.	You're kidding.
+You're kidding.	He had a mind that escalated things.
+He had a mind that escalated things.	So, what happened?
+So, what happened?	He calls her, asks her to marry him, she thinks he's crazy, he asks her again, she still thinks he's crazy but says yes anyway, and the next thing you know he's got his brothers down there and they're tearing the thing right off the curb.
+I don't know.  Maybe he thought some rich guy was gonna try and call her.	Wow.  But I still don't see how ...
+Wow.  But I still don't see how ...	Ma didn't want it around.  After.
+Ma didn't want it around.  After.	Oh.
+Frank said ---	Frank wasn't 'there.
+Oh. Hi.  Sorry.	Coffee?
+Coffee?	Yeah... No.
+Yeah... No.	Look, if you want to leave...
+Look, if you want to leave...	Yeah, maybe ... No. God, I hate these cigarettes!
+Shit.  I think I started a fire.	If our feet get hot, you grab the piano.
+You can always get another girl.	There's always another girl.
+Saw the sign outside.  Got your own sign, huh?	Yeah.  Got my own sign.
+Yeah.  Got my own sign.	So ... ?
+So ... ?	We outgrew each other.
+We outgrew each other.	Yeah, well, like I said, it didn't figure.  You two.
+Yeah, well, like I said, it didn't figure.  You two.	You don't pick your brother.
+You don't pick your brother.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	So how's the cat food business?
+So how's the cat food business?	Terrific.  I'm doing vegetables next week.
+What kind?	Huh?
+Huh?	Vegetables.
+Vegetables.	Oh. Carrots.  And peas.  None of the important ones.
+Listen... you want to get a drink?  I got a new place.  Or we could go to a bar ...  Well, maybe not a bar.  But I know a place uptown, if you want --	I've given it up.
+Tell egghead I said hi.  If you see him.	If I see him.
+Jack.	Hi.
+Hi.	Well, this is some surprise.  Hey ... You don't look so good, pal.
+Let me get the light.	No.
+Sneak out in the morning.  Before the guy could wake up and ruin it.  Never figured I'd be on the other end of it, though.	I didn't want to wake you.
+I didn't want to wake you.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Thanks.  For letting me in last night.
+Thanks.  For letting me in last night.	Funny how life repeats itself, huh?  Over and over. Like a song.
+Ah, you know. Howsa pooch?	Losing his teeth.
+Losing his teeth.	No shit. It's the goddamn water. Kill an ox. I buy bottled for my Danny. You can't trust the taps.
+No shit. It's the goddamn water. Kill an ox. I buy bottled for my Danny. You can't trust the taps.	Yeah.  Jesus, you look like fucking royalty, Tommy.
+Yeah.  The big boys sent it down yesterday.	Another five years, huh?
+Another five years, huh?	Like clockwork.  You got a good memory, Jackie.
+Like clockwork.  You got a good memory, Jackie.	It ain't always a blessing.  My brother here?
+It ain't always a blessing.  My brother here?	He's got blood in his eye.
+Did you break a cup, Jack?	Eddie did.
+Guess they're up.	Sounds big.  What's he do?
+Sounds big.  What's he do?	Process server. Ma said it's like a lawyer only the hours are more regular.  All I know's he came to take the TV one afternoon and ended up staying for dinner.  And breakfast.
+Process server. Ma said it's like a lawyer only the hours are more regular.  All I know's he came to take the TV one afternoon and ended up staying for dinner.  And breakfast.	What happened to the donut king?
+What happened to the donut king?	Married.
+In the old days, every man had a shaving mug that he kept at the barber shop.  Then, whenever he wanted a shave, held go down to the barber shop and there would be his mug, waiting for him.	Is that what you used to do?
+Is that what you used to do?	My days are not the old days, genius.
+My days are not the old days, genius.	What are they?
+What are they?	The recent past.
+The recent past.	Oh.  Bigfoot gets his out of a can.
+Oh.  Bigfoot gets his out of a can.	How do you know?
+How do you know?	I saw his stuff in the bathroom.
+I saw his stuff in the bathroom.	Oh?
+Oh?	I guess it's getting serious.
+I guess it's getting serious.	Maybe he'll ask your ma to marry him.
+Maybe he'll ask your ma to marry him.	I hope not.  He's already busted the springs in two chairs.  Hey, what's this?
+Ivory.	Looks old.
+Looks old.	Older than me.
+Older than me.	Wow.
+Hey, what do you want to do?  Grow a beard?	Why not?
+Why not?	Well, let's get your first prom under the belt, okay?
+Well, let's get your first prom under the belt, okay?	What's a prom?
+What's a prom?	Ever go to church?
+I tried Cheerios this morning. He didn't even get up. Maybe they took out the wrong teeth.	He's just feeling sorry for himself.  This is it, pal.  Hear me? Two bucks a can.
+How'd the show go?	Okay.  How'd yours go?
+Okay.  How'd yours go?	Not so good.
+From Hurley's?	Eighty proof. What d'ya say? Think you can handle it?
+Jack.	Yeah?
+Yeah?	Can I stay here tonight?  Even if she comes here?
+Merry Christmas, Jack.	Merry Christmas.
+There were more flowers last year.  Mr. Rinaldi down at the drugstore says it's going to snow by New Year's.  Says he can feel it in his elbows. I hope it snows.  I want to make a snowman. You ever make a snowman, Jack?	Sure.
+Sure.	That's what I want to do. I want to make a snowman.
+John.  It's good to see you.	Good to see you, Ma.
+So. How are you?	Fine.  You?
+Fine.  You?	Oh, fine.
+Big piece or little?	Huh? Oh, no.
+Huh? Oh, no.	None?
+None?	I'm not much for sweets.
+How's that dog of yours?  What was his name?	Eddie.
+Eddie.	Yes.  Right.  Eddie.  How is he?
+Yes.  Right.  Eddie.  How is he?	He's losing his teeth.
+Waxy Wright.  Didn't Jon Archer bust you for poisoning five members of the Canadian parliament?	They never should've voted against U.S. statehood -- the scumbags.  We heard you got wasted.
+Do I look wasted -- asshole?	You look great, Castor. Really.  Here -- I got a shot of your favorite -- Mescal.  Even has the worm.
+Don't they ever let us take these boots off?	"Not unless you're sent to the ""Clinic."""
+"Not unless you're sent to the ""Clinic."""	You mean if I get sick?
+You mean if I get sick?	They don't give two fucks about your health.  The Clinic's where they send the real hard-cases for attitude adjustment.  Look at O'Neill --
+What did he do?	He hit a guard.
+Fine work, Jon.	Yeah, real fine.  Especially all the casualties.
+Yeah, real fine.  Especially all the casualties.	"I'm complimenting you. Can't you ever just say ""thanks""?"
+"I'm complimenting you. Can't you ever just say ""thanks""?"	... Thanks.
+... Thanks.	Try to kiss my butt just once before I'm transferred.
+Try to kiss my butt just once before I'm transferred.	Sorry, Admiral.  It wasn't mentioned in the job description.
+He's lying.	Jon, he's hooked up to a full-spectrum polygraph. No one has ever beaten --
+Jon, he's hooked up to a full-spectrum polygraph. No one has ever beaten --	I don't care -- he's manipulating it.  That bomb has been built and it's out there, somewhere.
+I don't care -- he's manipulating it.  That bomb has been built and it's out there, somewhere.	What do you expect us to do -- shut down the city, evacuate two million people on a hunch?
+Uh-oh, somebody's in trouble.	Yeah -- me.
+Jesus Christ, Castor.	Drive.
+Drive.	The last time I took orders from you I ended up with five years probation.
+Where am I?	My place.
+My place.	You shouldn't have brought me here ... it's dangerous.
+You shouldn't have brought me here ... it's dangerous.	Better than you bleeding all over my car upholstery. Trust me, Caz, you won't be here long.
+I hear you're a manicurist now -- got your own business and everything.  I'm glad you've stayed clean.	Like I had a choice with that anal-retentive Jon Archer rising my ass at the probation hearing.  At least he took an interest. You took off without leaving so much as a Post-it.
+Like I had a choice with that anal-retentive Jon Archer rising my ass at the probation hearing.  At least he took an interest. You took off without leaving so much as a Post-it.	I'm not the same person you remember.
+Perfect fit.	Should be.  It's yours.
+Nice-looking kid.	Of course he is ...  -- He's yours too.
+Go on, Adam ...  I'm not asking you for anything -- I was never even going to tell you. But hell, I never thought I'd see you again, either.	How old is he?
+How old is he?	Five.  No one knows you're his father.  I thought someone might want to hurt him -- just to hurt you.
+Yes ... someone might want to tear him apart -- snuff him out -- for revenge.	You're not holding him right ... Caz ...
+And this thing can grow it?	Yes.  Pollux bought one along with the original batch.  Obviously, he found a way to make more.
+Yes.  Pollux bought one along with the original batch.  Obviously, he found a way to make more.	Why would he need more?
+Why would he need more?	He's your brother, you figure it out.  Maybe he made another bomb.
+He's your brother, you figure it out.  Maybe he made another bomb.	Or reactivated the first one.
+Or reactivated the first one.	Right ... like Jon Archer would ever let that happen.
+Hey, bro ...	You're not my brother.  The brother I knew would never have been caught by that dumb fuck Archer.  At least tell me the bomb is still going off.
+You're not my brother.  The brother I knew would never have been caught by that dumb fuck Archer.  At least tell me the bomb is still going off.	They haven't found it yet -- Listen, Pollux ...
+Pollux ...	Shut up.
+So?	So?  The procnias averano is a South American bird.  The flight here was only three hours!  And yesterday a European swallow flew by! Where the fuck are we?
+What do you mean?	You shoot hoops like a chick, you smoke like a wuss, and -- I don't know -- you're different.
+I was in a coma, Pollux. I still feel like shit.	Let me have a look.
+Do you know what it is to be in a coma?  It fucks up everything -- including your memory! I can't even tell you why Dobbs jumped me yesterday!	You porked his wife the day he was arrested.  How could you forget that?
+You porked his wife the day he was arrested.  How could you forget that?	I don't know.  Everything's jumbled -- so you're going to have to help me fill in a few blanks.
+I don't know.  Everything's jumbled -- so you're going to have to help me fill in a few blanks.	A few blanks?  Like what?
+A few blanks?  Like what?	Like ...
+Oh, God -- Mom OD'd at County General.	Retching and convulsing while those bastards didn't even try to save her sorry ass.  You gave her mouth to mouth -- man -- even then you had some constitution.
+Uh -- to kill the doctors?	After that.  You promised you'd always take care of me.
+After that.  You promised you'd always take care of me.	And I bet I've kept that promise ...
+And I bet I've kept that promise ...	Only one you've never broken.
+That's not the worst part.	What's worse than losing five million bucks?
+What's worse than losing five million bucks?	Being stuck in this rat-hole when it blows.  Bro, what you built was a work of art. That little fucker belongs in the Smithsonian.
+Thanks, Pollux.	For what?
+For what?	For being one helluva guy.
+For being one helluva guy.	"""Thanks?""  I guess they really did fuck you up."
+Well, you tried.  You failed miserably, but you tried.	Everything I say is wrong. I can't talk to her anymore.
+Everything I say is wrong. I can't talk to her anymore.	"She's only 12.  Some day she'll understand that apathy and absence are just special ways of saying ""I love you."""
+"She's only 12.  Some day she'll understand that apathy and absence are just special ways of saying ""I love you."""	Is that what you think?
+Is that what you think?	Jon ... we just remember how it used to be.  You staying for a while or is this just a piss-stop?
+Jon ... we just remember how it used to be.  You staying for a while or is this just a piss-stop?	We need to talk.
+We need to talk.	I'm late for surgery.
+I'm late for surgery.	It's important.
+It's important.	So is finishing my residency and passing my boards ...
+... I was dreaming ...	Something good?
+Something good?	We were back in high school. You wanted to join the sky diving team, but I wouldn't let you.
+We were back in high school. You wanted to join the sky diving team, but I wouldn't let you.	Must've been after we got engaged.
+Must've been after we got engaged.	Actually -- in this dream -- I was your mother.
+Actually -- in this dream -- I was your mother.	So you had a nightmare.
+So you had a nightmare.	Totally -- you were being very, very bad.  You went up in the plane and jumped out.  You had a parachute, but it didn't open.
+Totally -- you were being very, very bad.  You went up in the plane and jumped out.  You had a parachute, but it didn't open.	Were you there to catch me?
+Were you there to catch me?	No.
+No.	How come?
+How come?	I don't know ...  Maybe because you've never needed my help.
+Five years ... I still can't get it out of my head -- an inch to the left, Matty would still be alive.	And you wouldn't be.
+What are you saying?  Oh, God -- you're going on assignment again ...	One last time.  It's important ...
+One last time.  It's important ...	You said you'd be here! You promised me -- you promised Jamie!  What could be more important than that?
+You said you'd be here! You promised me -- you promised Jamie!  What could be more important than that?	I can't tell you ... except only I can do it.
+I can't tell you ... except only I can do it.	You want me to tell you it's okay to leave?  Okay, go on!  GO!
+Is someone there?	Eve, listen carefully.  The man you think is your husband -- isn't.
+Who is this?	Never mind that!  Just take Jamie and get out of that house.  Don't tell anyone where you're going -- especially not him -- just GO.
+Never mind that!  Just take Jamie and get out of that house.  Don't tell anyone where you're going -- especially not him -- just GO.	Okay, you're having an emotional crisis.  You need to seek the help of a trained --
+Okay, you're having an emotional crisis.  You need to seek the help of a trained --	Think about it, Eve! Everything he's done recently has been peculiar, right?  He's said and done things your husband would never do ...
+Think about it, Eve! Everything he's done recently has been peculiar, right?  He's said and done things your husband would never do ...	Whoever you are, don't call again.
+Whoever you are, don't call again.	Don't hang up ...
+I know you -- you're the one who called.  You're Castor Troy.  You killed my son --	-- I called, but I'm not Castor.  I'm your husband.
+How did he expect to do that?	An NSA surgeon gave me Castor's face.  He handled the transplant, the vocal implant, everything.  But somehow Castor came out of his coma -- and killed everyone who knew about the mission. But not before he was transformed into me.
+I took it from my fake husband.	Why point it at me?  I'm the real thing.
+Why point it at me?  I'm the real thing.	I don't know that.  Maybe Jon's already dead.
+I don't know that.  Maybe Jon's already dead.	What more proof do you need?
+What more proof do you need?	Tell me what happened on April 9th -- 13 years ago.
+Christ, Jon!  How could you do this to yourself? How could you do this to us?  Do you know -- do you know what he did to me ...?	Whatever happened, whatever he did -- I know it's my fault and I know I can never make it up to you --
+He freaked out when he thought I had seen this stuff.  I think it's a list of cities -- Santiago, Ho Chi Minh City, Nandi ...	Our Pacific Rim stations. These numbers must be bounties. Castor's not wasting any time.
+Our Pacific Rim stations. These numbers must be bounties. Castor's not wasting any time.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	He's going to kill off our bureau chiefs -- one-by-one.
+He's going to kill off our bureau chiefs -- one-by-one.	-- Or maybe all at once.  There's a get-together tonight at New St. Marks. For all the bureau chiefs and their families.  He's insisted Jamie and I be there too.
+You can't go.  You can't be anywhere near that place.	Jon, what is it?
+Jon, what is it?	The bomb.  He's reactivated it.  And everyone there is going to die.
+The bomb.  He's reactivated it.  And everyone there is going to die.	Can't we call someone? Admiral Lazarro?
+Can't we call someone? Admiral Lazarro?	"I know Lazarro -- the first person she'd call is ""me."" We can't take the chance of tipping Castor off."
+"I know Lazarro -- the first person she'd call is ""me."" We can't take the chance of tipping Castor off."	Jon, if I'm not there, he will be tipped off.  I'll get rid of Jamie -- but you and I are in this together.
+Jon, if I'm not there, he will be tipped off.  I'll get rid of Jamie -- but you and I are in this together.	Eve ...
+How is he?	No life signs at all. He's a turnip.
+No life signs at all. He's a turnip.	That's what they always say.
+I started wondering -- if you couldn't switch back -- would it make a difference?	Would it?
+Would it?	Damn right.
+How's Loomis?	Apparently, fine.  He's coming into work.  That's the good news ...
+Apparently, fine.  He's coming into work.  That's the good news ...	Go on.
+Go on.	Castor's still alive --  Technically.  He's a turnip, on total life-support ...
+We can send in a plant -- try to get Pollux to spill the location.	He'd see that a mile away.  The only person he'd talk to about that bomb is his brother.  Unfortunately, turnips can't talk.
+Which ear was it?	The left, I think.  Those surgeons in Witness Protection can fix things nobody's even broken yet.
+Jon, this is goddam insane. You can't go through with it.  What about Eve?	She doesn't know -- and she never will.
+She doesn't know -- and she never will.	You haven't got a chance in hell of fooling Pollux. Castor drinks, smokes and walks around with a 24-hour hard-on.  He's nothing like you.
+You haven't got a chance in hell of fooling Pollux. Castor drinks, smokes and walks around with a 24-hour hard-on.  He's nothing like you.	Don't worry.  I've done my homework.  I'll get Pollux to talk.
+Don't worry.  I've done my homework.  I'll get Pollux to talk.	Either way, come Saturday morning -- I'm pulling you the hell out of there.
+Now what?	Call Lazarro.  Castor just came out of his coma.
+This is it, Jon.  For the next 72 hours -- you're on your own.	Just make sure you're there.  On time.
+"How is the ""date night"" idea going over with Eve?"	Like gangbusters, doc.  Okay, I missed the last one.
+Like gangbusters, doc.  Okay, I missed the last one.	You missed the last three, including her birthday.  Your wife's gripe sheet.
+You missed the last three, including her birthday.  Your wife's gripe sheet.	I've been working night and day.  I haven't had time.
+I've been working night and day.  I haven't had time.	You're supposed to make time. When was the last time you told her you love her?  When was the last time you two had sex?
+One of my informants spotted him -- right here in the city.	I just asked you about making love to your wife, and you started talking about your job.
+I just asked you about making love to your wife, and you started talking about your job.	I'm not hiding in my work, if that's what you're saying.
+I'm not hiding in my work, if that's what you're saying.	You said it, Jon, not me.
+Jon, I'm getting a little annoyed by your obsessive need to spoil my fun.	"And how much will your ""fun"" net you this time?"
+What's it to you?  I declare it.  Here I am, back in the States for less than a month --	You're under arrest. Incredibly, you still have the right to remain silent --
+You're under arrest. Incredibly, you still have the right to remain silent --	What're you gonna do with me gone?  You'll drive your wife and kid nuts! I bet your daughter is just about ripe by now. What's her name, Janie?
+What're you gonna do with me gone?  You'll drive your wife and kid nuts! I bet your daughter is just about ripe by now. What's her name, Janie?	Mention my family once more and you're dead.
+Mention my family once more and you're dead.	You can't kill me, Jon. I've got something going this Saturday night ... it's gonna be worse than anything God ever dumped on the Pharaohs -- and only I can stop it.
+You can't kill me, Jon. I've got something going this Saturday night ... it's gonna be worse than anything God ever dumped on the Pharaohs -- and only I can stop it.	You can tell me all about it -- from your prison cell.
+You can tell me all about it -- from your prison cell.	Don't count on it.
+-- Castor?	Not anymore.
+Not anymore.	It can't be.  It's impossible.
+It can't be.  It's impossible.	"I believe the phrase Dr. Hoag used was ""titanically remote.""  Who knows?  Maybe the trauma of having my face cut off pulled me out.  Or maybe God really is on my side after all.  By the way, I know you don't get the papers in here."
+You killed them?	Of course I killed them, you DUMB FUCK.  And torched every shred of evidence that proves who you really are.  Swallow this one, Commander. You are going to be in here for the rest of your life.
+Of course I killed them, you DUMB FUCK.  And torched every shred of evidence that proves who you really are.  Swallow this one, Commander. You are going to be in here for the rest of your life.	What are you going to do, Castor?
+What are you going to do, Castor?	Let's not confuse things anymore.  I'm Archer. You're Castor.  But if you need proof --
+What are you going to do!	"You've given me the freedom I haven't had in years, and the power to make it pay off in ways I never thought possible.  But hell -- this is America.  One day a pauper, the next day, a prince. And I owe it all to you. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got an important government job to abuse, -- and a beautiful wife to fuck.  Excuse me -- I mean ""make love to."""
+Stay away from my family!	Too late, your kid worships me.  And your wife -- she's an animal.  Even I can't keep up with her.
+What -- what are you doing?	Vacuum-sealed globe ... shouldn't take long.
+I don't know.  How long before it kills us?	Five seconds.
+Give up, Castor.  People are going to find out.	Not if I kill you first ...
+Jamie ...	Shoot him!
+They're too tight.	So's a noose.  Now keep your mouth SHUT.
+You'll what?	I'm going to have you fired.
+You better be nice, Castor. You could get mighty lonely now that Pollux is gone.	Pollux is -- what?
+Pollux is -- what?	Archer cut him a deal for turning state's evidence. He's free.
+Archer cut him a deal for turning state's evidence. He's free.	Walton, you have to let me see the warden --
+Walton, you have to let me see the warden --	Or what?  You'll have me fired?
+SFPD?  Castor isn't stupid enough to come back to the city.	Trust me, he's already here. Get going!
+We've got him sighted. Okay, Pollux, pull out.	What makes you so sure this guy's gonna set up his own brother?
+What makes you so sure this guy's gonna set up his own brother?	I've never been more certain of anything. Get everyone in position. -- And get the word out -- shoot to kill.
+Just saving the tax-payers the cost of a trial.  So take a hike.	What's the matter with your voice, Commander?
+What's the matter with your voice, Commander?	Castor Troy almost strangled me to death.  Where the hell were you?
+Screw your boundaries, Janie.  You have something I want.	Janie?
+Clarissa left those here.	I won't tell mom if you don't.
+I won't tell mom if you don't.	When did you start smoking?
+When did you start smoking?	You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here. Daddy's a new man.
+Get a higher arc on the ball, Jamie.  And for Chrissake, square your shoulders to the basket.	Like you know anything about it.
+What are you -- stupid?	You haven't changed at all! Some guy tries to rape me -- and you side with him!
+You haven't changed at all! Some guy tries to rape me -- and you side with him!	Did it look like I was siding with him?  Did it?  You want to play with the bad boys, you better be prepared.  Do you have protection?
+Did it look like I was siding with him?  Did it?  You want to play with the bad boys, you better be prepared.  Do you have protection?	You mean like ... condoms?
+You mean like ... condoms?	I mean like protection.
+There's my little darling.  The night wouldn't be complete without you.	Yeah, mom cut me some slack -- but I decided ... I'd like to be here for you.  Here, mom.  You can have it back.  Thanks, though.
+Oh -- Commander.  I didn't see you ...	Well, I saw you -- Kim.
+Well, I saw you -- Kim.	Kim?
+Kim?	That's your name, isn't it?
+That's your name, isn't it?	You always call me Miss Brewster.
+You always call me Miss Brewster.	Let's try to be a little less formal from now on, shall we?
+You've got someone in your office.	Get rid of them.
+Get rid of them.	The Admiral?
+You picked a helluva day to leave your beeper off!	What happened?
+What happened?	Castor's escaped!
+Castor's escaped!	Escaped?  From Erewhon?  I want everyone on this -- our entire force and the SFPD.
+What happened?	What the fuck do you think happened?  Castor Troy just shot him!  What are you waiting for?  GO!
+Commander, what are you doing here?	Where should I be?  Where's everyone else?
+Where should I be?  Where's everyone else?	Backing you up!  Didn't you track Castor to the Army Street Terminal?
+Backing you up!  Didn't you track Castor to the Army Street Terminal?	What?
+What?	It was confirmed by your personal security code. Nobody knows that code but you!
+It was confirmed by your personal security code. Nobody knows that code but you!	Obviously someone else knows it!  Get everybody back to their posts -- NOW!
+You're both in custody until there's a DNA fingerprinting and we can prove who's who. Now put the gun down.	You can't blame me for trying.
+You merciless bastard!	"Business first.  I went into the ""Warrants"" system and erased your records.  You're clean.  In fact, you're now on the informant payroll."
+I can't even look at you without wanting to vomit.	You better get used to it. That bitch Lazarro is getting kicked upstairs. Guess what white-bread family man is going to replace her?
+-- I'll be one of the most powerful men in the country. Didn't matter how much cash I made pulling wet jobs -- I was still too low on the food chain -- always with somebody like Jon Archer after me.  The best part is -- I'm the GOOD guy.	No -- the best part is, since it's a government job -- they can't fire you!  But how can you be sure you'll get the appointment?
+No -- the best part is, since it's a government job -- they can't fire you!  But how can you be sure you'll get the appointment?	Trust me.  You're gonna love it ...
+Don't get mad, but I just went for a little stroll through the company switches.	You're supposed to be snitching, making me look legit.
+You're supposed to be snitching, making me look legit.	Don't worry, nobody knows I'm inside.  Check it out.  Remember that fat fuck agent who roughed us up in Thailand?  He's being treated for bone cancer at the V.A.  Thanks to the miracle of NSA grid-technology ...  -- Ooops!  His radiation does just quadrupled.
+Don't worry, nobody knows I'm inside.  Check it out.  Remember that fat fuck agent who roughed us up in Thailand?  He's being treated for bone cancer at the V.A.  Thanks to the miracle of NSA grid-technology ...  -- Ooops!  His radiation does just quadrupled.	Are you TRYING to give us away? For somebody with such a big brain, you think awfully small.
+Are you TRYING to give us away? For somebody with such a big brain, you think awfully small.	I'm just having some fun.
+I'm just having some fun.	There's fun, bro.  Then there's FUN.
+Eight pocket stingers ... seven piper uzis ... six cobra carbines ...  five - net - launch-ers ...	Yeah -- it's Santa's Magic fucking Village.  Your present's in here.
+We gut the organization -- and rebuild it with more reliable friends.	Most of the current chiefs -- they must have pretty hefty prices on their heads.
+Most of the current chiefs -- they must have pretty hefty prices on their heads.	All of them do.  We'll kill twelve birds with one bomb.  And we'll be rich.
+All of them do.  We'll kill twelve birds with one bomb.  And we'll be rich.	Good, because I checked your salary -- and it bites.  How the everyday working-class stiff survives in today's economy is something I'll never ...
+You'll need to recultivate that virus.	No problem.
+What about me?	A lot of people think you're a snitch.  It's dangerous ...
+A lot of people think you're a snitch.  It's dangerous ...	Like I fucking care?  I'm not just sitting here!
+Look at you, Jon -- at your age -- an American hero!  I'd buy you a drink but I know you'd just turn me down.	Normally, I would.  But today ...
+You're the only person in this place who can see right through me.	You've made us look pretty good in the past week.  And the way you handled the press --
+You've made us look pretty good in the past week.  And the way you handled the press --	Just following your example.
+Just following your example.	D.C.'s very high on giving you the promotion.  There's just one problem.
+D.C.'s very high on giving you the promotion.  There's just one problem.	What's that?
+What's that?	Me.  I have doubts about your ability to stick with what is essentially a desk job.
+Me.  I have doubts about your ability to stick with what is essentially a desk job.	I had doubts too.  I always looked at a desk as though it were a ball-and-chain. But something happened ...
+You'd have to start immediately.	Done.  In fact, I was already plotting about the best way to meet the foreign bureau chiefs.
+Done.  In fact, I was already plotting about the best way to meet the foreign bureau chiefs.	Jon, you're starting to remind me -- of me.  Congratulations.
+I just heard about Castor's fratricide -- rather poetic, don't you think?	What is it, Admiral? I'm under the gun here.
+What is it, Admiral? I'm under the gun here.	I just thought that -- under the circumstances -- you might want to postpone the meeting with the station chiefs.
+I just thought that -- under the circumstances -- you might want to postpone the meeting with the station chiefs.	No.  Most of them are in transit by now.  I'm heading over to the hotel to personally oversee security.
+No.  Most of them are in transit by now.  I'm heading over to the hotel to personally oversee security.	Okay, then.  I leave it in your able hands.
+"What happened to your big ""assignment""?"	What do you know about it?
+What do you know about it?	As much as ever.  Nothing.
+As much as ever.  Nothing.	It didn't work out as planned. Where are you off to?
+It didn't work out as planned. Where are you off to?	The hospital.
+The hospital.	The hospital?  Oh, that's right -- you're a doctor.  Ha-ha.
+The hospital?  Oh, that's right -- you're a doctor.  Ha-ha.	Jon -- I don't have time to play games.  There're leftovers in the fridge.
+Jon -- I don't have time to play games.  There're leftovers in the fridge.	Have fun at work.
+What is with you tonight?	Don't I usually kiss my wife?
+Don't I usually kiss my wife?	No.
+Hurry up -- the salad's getting warm and the pasta's getting cold.	-- I've got to study.
+Why do I feel like I'm on a blind date?	They say love is blind. Do you think that's true?
+I think -- you're trying to get me drunk.	Wouldn't be the first time -- or would it?
+Wouldn't be the first time -- or would it?	You wouldn't even sip champagne at our wedding. We were underage -- you wouldn't break the law.  Remember what my brother called you?
+So -- how long will you be gone this time?	Gone?
+Gone?	Isn't that what all this is about?  Letting Jamie go out, cooking me dinner, -- your next assignment?
+Isn't that what all this is about?  Letting Jamie go out, cooking me dinner, -- your next assignment?	I'm not going anywhere.
+I'm not going anywhere.	You always say that -- then you leave.
+You always say that -- then you leave.	Can't you see I'm trying to change?  I sent Jamie off because I wanted to be alone with you.  I wanted to see the candle-light dance in your beautiful --
+-- what?	I'm replacing Lazarro. Nice, safe desk job -- just like you wanted.
+I'm replacing Lazarro. Nice, safe desk job -- just like you wanted.	... That's great.
+... That's great.	So you see, I'm not going anywhere.  Unless it's upstairs with you ...
+You're wearing your suit --	Call me spontaneous.
+What's on your mind?	Jon, it's the tenth.  I know how difficult it is for you, but we still have to go.
+Jon, it's the tenth.  I know how difficult it is for you, but we still have to go.	I'm late.  Gotta protect and serve the world, y'know.
+I'm late.  Gotta protect and serve the world, y'know.	The world can wait, Jon. You're going.
+The world can wait, Jon. You're going.	Okay, if you insist. But -- you drive.
+I think Jamie's been seeing Karl again.	Great.
+Great.	Great?  He's 17 -- you told her to stay away from him.
+Great?  He's 17 -- you told her to stay away from him.	Oh, that Karl.
+Oh, that Karl.	Yes, Jon.  That Karl.
+Yes, Jon.  That Karl.	I'll have a talk with her. By the way, you never said anything about last night ...
+What are you doing?	-- Studying.
+Nothing.	I disagree.  You think I've been acting strange.  Like a completely different person.
+I disagree.  You think I've been acting strange.  Like a completely different person.	-- Yes.
+-- Yes.	Okay, I have a confession to make.  But you aren't going to like it.
+Where's Jamie?	That's what I'd like to know.  She stole fifty dollars from my purse and took off.
+I'll deal with her later.	Good.  Because I'm fed up.
+I'm going to the powder room.	Sure, baby -- go anywhere you want.  But I have to give you an escort.  Security reasons.
+Remember this from our junior prom?  Boy, were you ever mad for Madonna.	Back then -- who wasn't?
+Back then -- who wasn't?	Wait a second -- you hated Madonna.  Didn't you?
+You too?  This holiday's about giving, Adelle.  And I'm giving everything I've got to this deal, so in a way, I'm more Christmassy than anyone...  Lifesaver?	You're a ray of sunshine, Jack.
+Oh, and Oxxford called...	Ooh, my suits are ready...
+Kate Reynolds...	Her assistant said you could call her at home after eight.
+Her assistant?	Yeah Jack, her assistant...
+Yeah Jack, her assistant...	Kate Reynolds was my girlfriend in college.  I almost married her...
+Kate Reynolds was my girlfriend in college.  I almost married her...	You?  Married?
+You?  Married?	Almost married.  And almost a junior broker at E.F. Hutton...
+Almost married.  And almost a junior broker at E.F. Hutton...	Excuse me?
+Excuse me?	She didn't want me to go to London.  We're standing at the airport saying goodbye and she asks me to stay.
+She didn't want me to go to London.  We're standing at the airport saying goodbye and she asks me to stay.	So you left her?  Just like that?
+So you left her?  Just like that?	God, no.  I thought about it for practically the entire flight...
+God, no.  I thought about it for practically the entire flight...	Stop Jack, I'm getting all weepy.
+Stop Jack, I'm getting all weepy.	I took the road less traveled, Adelle.
+I took the road less traveled, Adelle.	And look where it's led you...  I'm gonna get her on the phone...
+No...	No?!  You almost married this woman.  Aren't you even curious what she wants?
+No?!  You almost married this woman.  Aren't you even curious what she wants?	She's probably just having a fit of nostalgia.  You know, lonely Christmas Eve, call the one that got away, that kind of thing.
+I'll leave from the office tomorrow afternoon.  Call the group.  Schedule an emergency strategy session for noon.	That'll be a nice little holiday treat.
+Hello?	Hey Santa, where are you? Everybody’s here.
+Hey Santa, where are you? Everybody’s here.	Adelle?
+Adelle?	You were supposed to be here half an hour ago...the emergency strategy session? Your trip to Aspen? They’re all panicked here...
+Sorry, Jack.  I told Dee and the kids I'd be home by dinner.  You know, it being Christmas Eve and all.	Is that tonight?
+You think I like being here on Christmas Eve, Alan?	I don't know.  Maybe...
+You're right, Jack.  Sorry... Jack approaches Alan.	I don't want you to be sorry, Alan, I want you to be excited.  I want my gift to be the first one you open this year.  You know why?
+I don't want you to be sorry, Alan, I want you to be excited.  I want my gift to be the first one you open this year.  You know why?	Why Jack?
+Why Jack?	Because my gift comes with ten zeroes at the end...
+Mr. Mintz.	Please, call me Alan. We try to cultivate a casual atmosphere around here...
+Please, call me Alan. We try to cultivate a casual atmosphere around here...	I can see that, Alan.
+You have kids, Jack?	Uh...actually, yes. Two... good ones.
+I was a sales associate, at E.F. Hutton.	A broker? Really. And now you’re in the tire business?
+A broker? Really. And now you’re in the tire business?	That’s right. And auto supply...
+That’s right. And auto supply...	Uh huh. The retail end, I understand.
+Uh...we actually get about sixty percent of our business from automotive service.	Mind if I ask what kind of sales you did last year? Ballpark...
+Mind if I ask what kind of sales you did last year? Ballpark...	We did one point seven million in total revenue...
+We did one point seven million in total revenue...	Uh huh...one point seven. And what do you project for this year?
+Well, Alan, I think we’re gonna have a banner year. Sales are up almost twenty percent in the first quarter and we just landed a major trucking company account.	Really. So you’re projecting what, a tad over two million?
+Look, I know our paltry little two million in sales is about what you spend on office supplies in a year.  And I know some regional trucking company account is nothing compared to a sixty billion dollar merger...	I’m not trying to knock the tire business, Jack.
+I’m not trying to knock the tire business, Jack.	It’s okay, Alan. I get it. I’m in your shoes, I’m thinking exactly the same thing...but here’s the thing. Business is business.  Wall Street, Main Street, it’s all just a bunch of people getting up in the morning, trying to figure out how the hell they’re gonna send their kids to college.  It’s just people...
+And I know people.	I’m sure you do...
+Take you, for instance...	What about me?
+What about me?	You drink about sixteen Diet Cokes a day. You’re an excellent father, but you feel guilty about the time you spend away from home. You drink bourbon, but you offer your clients scotch...
+...that’s our war room. We did seven major deals last year, three of them hostile.	Seven.  Really.
+Good for you. Why shouldn’t you protect what’s yours.	I don’t think you’re hearing me.
+I don’t think you’re hearing me.	Oh, I’m hearing you, Alan. That’s not the problem. The problem is that what you think is yours, is really mine.  And I don’t care how low on the totem pole I start, I will get it back...  So do yourself a favor and don’t get too attached to that view because sometime soon, maybe very soon, you and your French country antiques, your chintz sofa, and your little play pen are gonna be moving out of that office.
+Jack, are you okay?	What’s going on here?
+What’s going on here?	It’s not good.  Bob Thomas has secretly been talking to a European drug company. We’re not sure which one, Julia’s on it right now. Word is they’re willing to let him buy a minority stake and keep running the entire company.  The Global people are up in arms.  They say we should’ve been prepared for this.  We’re in trouble here, Jack...
+Excuse me?	But I think I like you better this way...
+But I think I like you better this way...	Is this another one of those Sun Tzu “Art of War” tricks?
+No.	So what are we gonna do, Jack?
+Rise...and...shine...!	You’re jumping, sweetheart...
+Mom, don’t you think we need to open the presents?	Mommy needs five more minutes in la la land. That could be her present...
+We’re almost done here...	Mary Janes, Mom.  You promised.
+Mary Janes, Mom.  You promised.	That’s right.  Okay, let’s make a quick stop at the kids’ shoe department, pick up my watch from the battery place, then I’ll run into the linen store...
+Fighting’s a part of it, Annie.  You know that, right?	I’m not worried, Mom. He’s still learning our ways...
+This isn’t my real life. It’s just a glimpse...	Where’s my real dad?
+Where’s my real dad?	I don’t know...
+They did a pretty good job.	Who did?
+Who did?	The aliens...In the mother ship.  You look just like him.
+The aliens...In the mother ship.  You look just like him.	Uhh...thanks...slightly better looking though, right?
+Do you like kids?	On a case by case basis...
+On a case by case basis...	You know how to make chocolate milk?
+You know how to make chocolate milk?	I think I could figure it out.
+I think I could figure it out.	You promise not to kidnap me and my brother and implant stuff in our brains?
+You promise not to kidnap me and my brother and implant stuff in our brains?	Sure.
+This is day care.  It’s where babies go when their parents are at work.	Check...
+I have winter camp until four, then ballet until five thirty.	Five thirty.  Okay.
+Five thirty.  Okay.	Try not to be late because kids don’t like to be the last one picked up.
+Try not to be late because kids don’t like to be the last one picked up.	Got it.  Good tip.
+Got it.  Good tip.	Bye...
+Where do I go now?	Big Ed’s.
+Big Ed’s.	Big Ed’s?  Big Ed’s Tires?  Why...?
+Big Ed’s?  Big Ed’s Tires?  Why...?	That’s where you work.
+Not bad...I shoulda warned you.  Dad always does something really special for their anniversary.	Like what?
+Like what?	One year he had a solar system named after her...
+One year he had a solar system named after her...	Don’t you think that’s a little gimmicky?
+Don’t you think that’s a little gimmicky?	Mom liked it.
+Maybe there’s a jewelry store back at the mall. I could get her a pair of earrings or something.	That’s good but...you did forget the anniversary.
+That’s good but...you did forget the anniversary.	Right.  That’s a major oversight...  So if I’m Kate...I can’t really afford the finer things, my husband’s career is a crushing disappointment to me, I’m trapped in suburbia...
+Very nice. What is it?	Mary Had A Little Lamb.
+Mary Had A Little Lamb.	Ah. A classic...
+What are you doing?	Ringing my bell...
+Is it morning yet?	No, honey. Go back to sleep.
+I know, I moved the Barca-lounger into the corner.  It’s throwin’ everybody off.  What do you think?	Great room...
+We’re friends, aren’t we?	Maybe I don’t say it enough but you moving in next door to me...
+I’m having kind of a bad day.	I read somewhere that the suicide rate doubles during the holidays...
+What am I saying?  You don’t need to hear that...  All I meant was a lot of people have a hard time dealing with all the forced reverie, that’s all.  Is that you?	Is it...?
+Is it...?	Trouble at work?
+Trouble at work?	I don’t think so.
+I don’t think so.	It’s not Kate, is it?
+You see, it’s like we’re in each other’s heads...	Kate’s my wife...
+Look, you fit the profile exactly.  Thirties, house, kids, financial responsibilities.  You start thinking...this isn’t the life I dreamt about.  Where’s the romance, where’s the joie de vivre?  Suddenly, every lingerie ad in the Newark Star Ledger represents a life you can’t have...	It’s just two kids, right?
+Damn...	Jesus, Jack, this is a league match, for god’s sake!
+Where’s your follow through?  Where’s your stance?	Hey, I’m doing the best I can...  I’d like to see you hit a squash ball after seventeen beers...
+Hey, I’m doing the best I can...  I’d like to see you hit a squash ball after seventeen beers...	You’re right.  Why am I so competitive!? Compensation, I guess. Look, just focus, Jack. You can still pick up the spare...
+Hey Jack, you’re all flush.  I guess that seventy-one took a lot outta you.	I just saw Evelyn Thompson.
+I just saw Evelyn Thompson.	She is relentless.
+She is relentless.	She wants to have an affair with me.
+She wants to have an affair with me.	She said that?
+She said that?	Pretty much.
+Pretty much.	Oh yeah...  What is it about you?
+Oh yeah...  What is it about you?	So could you write down her exact address?
+So could you write down her exact address?	Whoa...whoa...wait a second, Jack.  You’re not actually gonna cheat on Kate?
+Whoa...whoa...wait a second, Jack.  You’re not actually gonna cheat on Kate?	It wouldn’t really be cheating...  It’s complicated.
+It wouldn’t really be cheating...  It’s complicated.	Look, maybe I’m not as good a consigliere as you are but you have to trust me on this one.  A little flirtation’s harmless but you’re playing with fire here.  The Fidelity Bank and Trust is a tough creditor.  You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account forever.
+Look, maybe I’m not as good a consigliere as you are but you have to trust me on this one.  A little flirtation’s harmless but you’re playing with fire here.  The Fidelity Bank and Trust is a tough creditor.  You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account forever.	I’m telling you, those rules don’t apply to me, Arn.
+I’m telling you, those rules don’t apply to me, Arn.	Screw the rules.  I’m talking about the choice.
+C’mon, Evelyn Thompson’s got no class.  She doesn’t marry Dr. Steve, the woman’s living in a trailer.	Hey, is that really necessary?
+Hey, is that really necessary?	All I’m saying it there isn’t a guy in Union County who wouldn’t give his left nut to be married to Kate...
+So Jack, it’s your wife’s birthday, got anything to say to her?	It’s your birthday? Today?  What’s your name?  Where were you born?
+Hey, you can’t park that thing here.	It’s me, Jack...
+It’s me, Jack...	I don’t care if you’re Tim Allen with your fancy car and all your tools, you still can’t park here.
+I don’t care if you’re Tim Allen with your fancy car and all your tools, you still can’t park here.	Tell me you recognize me, Arnie.  Please...
+Tell me you recognize me, Arnie.  Please...	How’d you know my name?
+How’d you know my name?	We bowl together. We’re bowlers ...we won a championship...we’re winners.
+We bowl together. We’re bowlers ...we won a championship...we’re winners.	I never won anything in bowling.
+Wait a second...  Jack...Jack...	Yes...Jack Campbell...
+Yes...Jack Campbell...	Of course. Jack Campbell. I went to high school with you...you played baseball, right?  You’re doing well...
+Of course. Jack Campbell. I went to high school with you...you played baseball, right?  You’re doing well...	Yes, that’s it...yes, we went to high school together.
+Yes, that’s it...yes, we went to high school together.	You never really talked to me.  I wanted to talk to you, man...
+You never really talked to me.  I wanted to talk to you, man...	Yeah...I guess I just wanted you to know, we could’ve been really good friends...
+Where’s my car?!  Where’s my Ferrari!?	What the hell are you talking about?  What’s he talking about?
+What the hell are you talking about?  What’s he talking about?	Look, can I just borrow your car?!  I promise it’ll be returned!
+Look, can I just borrow your car?!  I promise it’ll be returned!	The Caddy?  Why don’t you take your own damn car!
+Got a minute, Jack?	I’ve got all the time in the world...
+C’mon Jack...	I mean it.  From what I can tell, we’re a mom and pop operation, we’re already over-extended in sales, and any price advantage we could offer would easily be matched by a larger supplier...
+DO YOU WANNA DIE?!	No.
+No.	Yes you do...
+Yes you do...	Look, I'm talking about a business deal here.  I buy the ticket for two hundred, take it to a store where the guy behind the counter...  ...doesn't have a death wish  ...I just made myself a quick thirty eight dollars.
+Like I said, it's a business deal...	Damn, you are the real thing...
+How'd you know my name was Jack?	"I call all you white guys ""Jack."""
+You know you seem pretty relaxed for a guy who just had a gun pulled on him.	There's no way I was gonna die in that deli...  Let's just say I've been on a lucky streak lately.
+There's no way I was gonna die in that deli...  Let's just say I've been on a lucky streak lately.	A lucky streak, huh?
+So you're telling me, you've got a gun to your head and you don't think for one second, what if this, what if that, maybe I shouldn't do this, I shoulda done that.	I don't do that.  That's just not for me...
+Okay, Jack.  Nice doing business with you... Cash is about to take off...	Hey...
+What do you want to carry that gun around for, anyway? You're just gonna do something you'll regret...	You want to talk about regrets, you're talking to the wrong person.
+I'm just saying that you seem like a smart guy.  At a certain point you're gonna do something, and then there's no turning back...	Yeah, in most cases that'd be true.
+I mean there must be programs out there, opportunities...	Wait a minute, wait a minute... you're tryin' to save me?
+Oh man, you're serious...  This man thinks I need to be saved!	Everyone needs something.
+Yeah?  What do you need?	Me?
+Me?	You just said everyone needs something.
+You just said everyone needs something.	I've got everything I need.
+I've got everything I need.	Wow.  It must be great being you.  You got it all.
+Look, I'm not saying you'd be able to do it without some hard work...	You still think this is about me, don't you?
+You still think this is about me, don't you?	Sure it's about you.  But it's about society, too.
+Sure it's about you.  But it's about society, too.	Oh man, I'm gonna enjoy this one... Just remember, Jack, you did this.  You brought this on yourself...
+Miss me, Jack?	That’s my car!  You stole my car!
+That’s my car!  You stole my car!	It’s a callable asset seized in accordance with the acquisition by-laws of your alt-fate contract...
+It’s a callable asset seized in accordance with the acquisition by-laws of your alt-fate contract...	What?!
+What?!	Basically, it’s my car now.  Get in.
+Might wanna fasten your seat belt, Jack...	What the hell is happening to me?!
+Look, I don’t know what you’re getting so worked up about, you did this...you brought this on yourself.	Brought what on myself?! I didn’t do anything!
+Brought what on myself?! I didn’t do anything!	No?  C’mon, Jack...I’ve got everything I need, I don’t have regrets, that’s just not for me... sound familiar?
+No?  C’mon, Jack...I’ve got everything I need, I don’t have regrets, that’s just not for me... sound familiar?	You mean because you thought I was cocky I’m now on a permanent acid trip?!!
+Everyone else in that store is a statue, they see their lives passing in front of their eyes, but not you.  You’re making a business deal...	Give me my goddamn life back!
+Give me my goddamn life back!	You?  What about me?  I’m working hard for you here, Jack.  On Christmas too!  Now you did a good thing last night, intervening that way.  I was moved...
+You?  What about me?  I’m working hard for you here, Jack.  On Christmas too!  Now you did a good thing last night, intervening that way.  I was moved...	Please.  Just tell me what’s happening to me. In plain English.  None of that mumbo jumbo...
+It’s a glimpse, Jacko.	I glimpse?  A glimpse of what!?  What glimpse?! Glimpse!
+I glimpse?  A glimpse of what!?  What glimpse?! Glimpse!	Look, eventually, everybody gets one...some of ‘em take a couple seconds...  ...some of ‘em take a lot longer...
+Look, eventually, everybody gets one...some of ‘em take a couple seconds...  ...some of ‘em take a lot longer...	I asked you a direct question!  A glimpse of what?!
+Figure it out.  You got plenty of time.	How much time?!
+How much time?!	As long as it takes to figure it out.  Which, in your case, could be considerable.
+As long as it takes to figure it out.  Which, in your case, could be considerable.	Look, I just want my life back.  Now what’s it gonna take?  You wanna talk turkey?  Let’s talk turkey!  How much money...?
+Do I look like I need your money.  It doesn’t work like that and I can’t tell you why.	Why not?
+Why not?	Because you got to figure it out for yourself.  Are you listening to me?
+Because you got to figure it out for yourself.  Are you listening to me?	Figure it out?  Figure what out?!
+That’s it?  That’s all I get?!  A glare?!	Look Jack, in my experience the best way people deal with this is to just relax and breathe through it...let it come to you.
+What’s this, a signal? Will you come whenever I ring it?	Do I look like I live in a bottle?
+But what do I do?	Look Jack I’m late.  I’d love to help you out some more but I gotta go handle my business...  Happy trails.
+You can’t do this. You can’t keep coming in and out of people’s lives, messing things up...	C’mon, Jack...
+I’ve got kids, I’m going home...	You know what the word glimpse means, J? It’s by nature an impermanent thing.
+...06...14...18...48...right there.  Four numbers...that's two hundred and thirty eight dollar...  Merry Christmas and shit...	Ticket bad.  You draw in lines with pencil.
+Ticket bad.  You draw in lines with pencil.	What're you talkin' about?
+What're you talkin' about?	You draw lines with pencil!  I know about this!
+What!?  Look at the ticket...!	Get out, I call 911.
+You leave now.  Take ticket somewhere else.  Next customer in line...!	You first generation, xenophobic, money-theistic, hot pastrami sandwich making...
+You first generation, xenophobic, money-theistic, hot pastrami sandwich making...	Get out!
+Like the dress...?	It’s lovely...
+It’s lovely...	I thought I saw you notice it at the kids’ recital.
+Finger food...?	I don’t think so, thank you...
+I don’t think so, thank you...	C’mon, as soon as I put them down, you’re gonna grab a couple...you always do...
+Mushroom puffs aren’t the only thing I do well...	Well do whatever it is you do well, and just...just do it. Excuse me...
+Evelyn, right?	Very funny.  I saw you out there on lane five. What do you have the flu or something?
+Very funny.  I saw you out there on lane five. What do you have the flu or something?	Something like that.
+Something like that.	Need a nurse?
+Need a nurse?	You’re a nurse?
+Are we...?	Are we what, Jack?
+Are we what, Jack?	Is there something going on between us?
+Are we finally being honest?	It would help me if we were.
+It would help me if we were.	Okay, you’re right, we’ve been dancing around this for years...
+I'm thinking I might walk tonight, Frank.	Nice night for it.  I'll have Louis send your car home.
+Merry Christmas to you, sir...	Thanks.  To you too...
+Whoa, whoa, whoa...hold it right there...	Frank.  Where’s Alan Mintz?  Is he here yet?
+Frank.  Where’s Alan Mintz?  Is he here yet?	Mr. Mintz?  I don’t think so...building’s closed pal.  You’ll have to come back tomorrow.
+Mr. Mintz?  I don’t think so...building’s closed pal.  You’ll have to come back tomorrow.	Look, I don’t know what’s going on here but I am Senior Vice President of this company.
+Look, I don’t know what’s going on here but I am Senior Vice President of this company.	I don’t care who you are.  It’s Christmas and like I told you the building is closed.
+I don’t care who you are.  It’s Christmas and like I told you the building is closed.	Maybe you’re not hearing me.  I am Jack Campbell...  Right here.  Jack Campbell, President...
+Do I have a private office somewhere in the building?	Uh...sure Jack...  Right back there...
+Uh...sure Jack...  Right back there...	Thank you.
+...I was the number one junior sales associate at E.F. Hutton in 1988.  Did you know that?	No, I didn’t...that’s great.
+No, I didn’t...that’s great.	That’s the kind of thing you can really build on...
+That’s the kind of thing you can really build on...	Uh huh...
+Uh huh...	I mean sales has always been a feeder for M and A, always...
+Here we are, mag wheels...  Hey Jack, are you sure you’re okay?	Well, I’m just a little confused right now about why I work here...
+Kate’s on two, Jack.  Nice ride...	If you’re into that kind of conspicuous consumption...
+If you’re into that kind of conspicuous consumption...	You want me to handle him?  I think I’m ready...
+Why don’t you let me take this one, Kenny?	Okay, chief.
+Merry Christmas, Mr. Campbell.	How’d you do this year, Tony?
+How’d you do this year, Tony?	About four grand.  And a bottle of twenty five year old scotch from Mrs. Johnson in 9D.  I’m putting it all in commercial paper like you said.
+About four grand.  And a bottle of twenty five year old scotch from Mrs. Johnson in 9D.  I’m putting it all in commercial paper like you said.	Just until the Deutsche Mark turns...
+Sorry, pal.  Entrance is for residents and guests only...	What are you talking about?  It’s me, Jack Campbell.  Penthouse C. I put you into commercial paper!
+What are you talking about?  It’s me, Jack Campbell.  Penthouse C. I put you into commercial paper!	Uh-huh...
+Every one of these songs will remind you of me in a slightly different way...	All in one tape?
+All in one tape?	I also put side two of London Calling on there...
+I have a bad feeling about this.	About the plane? What do you think it’s gonna crash? Don’t say that...
+About the plane? What do you think it’s gonna crash? Don’t say that...	I know we’ve talked about this a thousand times and we both agree that going to London is the right thing to do. But in my heart... this feels wrong.
+Don’t  go, Jack...	You mean don’t go at all? What about my internship?
+You mean don’t go at all? What about my internship?	Believe me I know what an incredible opportunity this is for you...
+Believe me I know what an incredible opportunity this is for you...	For us, Kate.
+For us, Kate.	Right, for us. But...I’m afraid that if you get on that plane...
+Right, for us. But...I’m afraid that if you get on that plane...	What?
+Go. I’m sorry, you should just go...	No, you’re right.  What are we doing?
+No, you’re right.  What are we doing?	We're being responsible.  Go. Get on the plane.
+I can't seem to let go of you...	You hear me complaining about that?
+Are you okay?	Yeah...fine.
+What kind of man does that!?	I don’t know!  Please stop yelling at me!
+Where were you?	I was in the city.
+I was in the city.	The city?  New York City?  Why?
+The city?  New York City?  Why?	Because that’s where I live.
+Because that’s where I live.	Jack...don’t even start...
+Jack...don’t even start...	Look, you don’t understand.  I woke up here...and this is very strange ...this is not my house...
+Look, we don’t have time for this right now, we’ll talk about it later.  Now get dressed...  You’re not wearing that to the Thompsons’ party. I don’t care how hilarious you think it is...	Party?  Oh no, I can’t go to a party...
+Party?  Oh no, I can’t go to a party...	You look forward to this party all year.  What’s with you today?
+You look forward to this party all year.  What’s with you today?	Trust me on this Kate.  I really don’t think going to a party is the right move for me at the present time.
+What are you doing?	Telling my mother she doesn’t have to stay with the kids.
+Telling my mother she doesn’t have to stay with the kids.	Why not?
+Why not?	Because you’ll be here.
+Christ...  Where the hell is the bathroom?	Funny, Jack.  I’m laughing on the inside.
+Yes, I’m fine.  It’s just this god awful football phone!  Who has a phone like this anyway?!	Uh huh...
+Jack...	Pro bono.  You don’t get paid at all.  Nobody makes a dime.  Well, bravo...
+Here you go...	You’re kidding me...
+You’re kidding me...	She’s your dog, Jack.
+She’s your dog, Jack.	No, she’s not.
+No, she’s not.	Fine, she’s the kid’s dog.  Let’s go wake Josh, see if he wants to walk her.
+Fine, she’s the kid’s dog.  Let’s go wake Josh, see if he wants to walk her.	But it’s twenty degrees outside...
+But it’s twenty degrees outside...	You’re having a bad day, I’ll go with you...actually, there’s no way in hell you’re gettin’ me back out there...
+Hello!	...my feet are hurtin’...
+...my feet are hurtin’...	HEY!
+Uh...that baby’s crying...	And...?
+Jack.  I said the kids are asleep...	Well that’s just great...those little monkeys can be a real handful...
+Hey!  I was watching that!	I thought we had a deal about you watching CNBC in bed.
+I thought we had a deal about you watching CNBC in bed.	I’m working on a new deal now...
+Wait a second.  You want me, don’t you?	That is the general idea, yes...
+Shouldn’t we grab some dinner first?  Maybe a bottle of wine...?	It’s ten thirty, Jack. By eleven you’re gonna be sprawled out on the bed snoring your head off. We don’t have time for wining and dining.
+It’s ten thirty, Jack. By eleven you’re gonna be sprawled out on the bed snoring your head off. We don’t have time for wining and dining.	Whatever you say...honey.
+Thanks, Jack...	No, I’m serious...you’re really stunning...
+No, I’m serious...you’re really stunning...	This is good stuff, Jack, keep it coming...
+This is good stuff, Jack, keep it coming...	I mean back in college, you were a very pretty girl, there’s no question about that.  But this...  ...you’ve really grown into a beautiful woman...
+How can you do that?	Do what?
+Do what?	Look at me like you haven’t seen me every day for the last twelve years...
+I mean...wow...off the charts great.	It’s an unbelievable thing.  Wearing this suit actually makes me feel like a better person.  I’m gonna buy it...
+$2,400?!  Are you out of your mind?	She got those shoes...
+She got those shoes...	Those shoes were twenty five dollars.  C’mon, take it off.  We’ll go to the food court and get one of those funnel cakes you like.
+No?	Do you have any idea what my life is like?
+Do you have any idea what my life is like?	Excuse me?
+Excuse me?	I wake up in the morning covered in dog saliva...I drop the kids off, spend eight hours selling tires retail...retail, Kate.
+I pick up the kids, walk the dog, which by the way, carries the added bonus of carting away her monstrous crap...I play with the kids, take out the garbage, get six hours of sleep if I’m lucky, and then it starts all over again...and why is it that I always have to drive everyone everywhere?  I spend practically my entire day in that slow as hell mini-van listening to Raffi tapes and trying to figure out how the cup holders work...I’m sick of it.	Really.
+Really.	What’s in it for me? Where are my Mary Janes?
+It’s sad to hear your life is such a disappointment to you, Jack.	I can’t believe it’s not a disappointment to you!  Jesus, Kate, I could’ve been a thousand times the man I became.  How could you do this to me?  How could you let me give up on my dreams like this?!
+Look, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I was such a saint before and I’m such a prick now.  Maybe I’m just not the same guy I was when we got married...	Maybe you’re not.  The Jack Campbell I married wouldn’t need a $2400 suit to make himself feel better about his life, but if that’s what it’s gonna take, then buy it. Just buy the goddamn suit ...we can take the money out of the kids’ college fund.
+Well...Annie for one.	Surprise.  We’re pregnant...  Yeah...that must’ve been...I mean that was very unexpected.  But what are you gonna do, right?
+Surprise.  We’re pregnant...  Yeah...that must’ve been...I mean that was very unexpected.  But what are you gonna do, right?	I think it worked out okay, don’t you?
+I think it worked out okay, don’t you?	Sure.  I really like Annie.
+Sure.  I really like Annie.	Good, Jack.  Maybe we’ll keep her.
+Good, Jack.  Maybe we’ll keep her.	No, I love Annie.  We had a lot of good times, didn’t we?
+No, I love Annie.  We had a lot of good times, didn’t we?	We were young...  Remember that little place on Charles Street we used to go to?
+We were young...  Remember that little place on Charles Street we used to go to?	Charles Street?  In the Village?  When we were living in Greenwich Village...?  Great times.  Why’d we ever leave?
+Charles Street?  In the Village?  When we were living in Greenwich Village...?  Great times.  Why’d we ever leave?	You can’t really raise a kid in an apartment in the Village...
+The trek out to the hospital every day didn’t help either...  You were great. Surviving the heart attack was one thing...	You had a heart attack?
+You had a heart attack?	Jack, stop that. I'm still mad at you...  ...who knows what would’ve happened if you hadn’t stepped in at the store.
+Jack, stop that. I'm still mad at you...  ...who knows what would’ve happened if you hadn’t stepped in at the store.	That’s why I work for Big Ed?
+Our life in a nutshell...	If you want to look at it that way...
+If you want to look at it that way...	How would you look at it?
+How was the game, honey?	Long, boring, and generally pretty sad. Arnie seemed to enjoy it...  Hey, where’s that chocolate cake...?
+You mean this chocolate cake?	That’s my piece.  I was saving it because I got nauseated from that store bought chicken.
+C’mon.	Sorry, Jack.  It’s too important to me.
+You want the cake!?	I want it...
+Thank you...	It’s good, right?
+Say it, Jack...	What...?
+What...?	C’mon, you know what I like to hear...
+C’mon, you know what I like to hear...	Yeah, baby, I know what you like to hear...
+Yeah, baby, I know what you like to hear...	Then say it...just say it to me...!
+Then say it...just say it to me...!	Oh yeah, you’re a bad girl, baby... You make me so hot...I’m gonna take you to that special place...
+Not it...?	Nice, Jack.  You’re sweeping me off my feet.
+Nice, Jack.  You’re sweeping me off my feet.	What? You make me hot...
+Jack.	Wait a minute.  You’re my wife?
+Maybe I should wait...	No, open it...
+I found it at an outlet store.  I know it’s a knock-off, but I think it’ll look great on you...	Zeena...
+You really are incredible...	Enjoy it, sweetheart...
+Here’s the thing.  I really hadn’t planned on giving you your...uh... anniversary gift until tonight.  You know, anniversary’s good all day...	What are you talking about?  You never wait all day.  You can barely wait until it’s light out.
+What are you talking about?  You never wait all day.  You can barely wait until it’s light out.	I know that, but...
+You actually forgot our anniversary.	I’ll fix it.  I’ll go out right now and get you something.  I’ll make it right.
+Jack...can we afford all this?	What’s the difference? I’m taking my baby out for our anniversary, damn the costs...
+What’s the difference? I’m taking my baby out for our anniversary, damn the costs...	How do you even know about this place?
+You are so not off the hook yet, slick.	But I’m gettin’ close, right?
+I need to tell you something.	Okay...
+Okay...	I think it may help us but there’s a slight chance it could make things worse.
+Now I’m worried...just say it.  Whatever it is we’ll deal with it.	Are you sure?
+I used to be so sure about everything, you know?  I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted. Then one morning I woke up and suddenly it was all different...	Worse, you mean...
+Worse, you mean...	No.  Well, maybe a few things.  But mostly just different...
+I never used to be like this, Kate.  I had it all figured out.  No doubts, no regrets.	And now...?
+And now...?	Now...I don’t...
+I think it’s good to be a little unsure about who you are.  It’s very human.	But you always seem so certain.
+But you always seem so certain.	C’mon, Jack, you think there aren’t mornings when I wake up and wonder what the hell I’m doing in New Jersey...
+C’mon, Jack, you think there aren’t mornings when I wake up and wonder what the hell I’m doing in New Jersey...	That’s a big one for me, too.
+That’s a big one for me, too.	My office is a dump, I answer my own phone...and you’ve seen my pay check.
+My office is a dump, I answer my own phone...and you’ve seen my pay check.	Your pay check is a disgrace to pay checks.
+Your pay check is a disgrace to pay checks.	I mean yes, I help people that need it...
+I mean yes, I help people that need it...	I guess...some of them are probably faking.
+I guess...some of them are probably faking.	God, sometimes I think it would be so nice not to have to stretch ground beef or maybe drive a car with a CD player...
+Imagine having a life where everything was easy...where you asked for things and people just brought them to you...	It’s wonderful...
+Good things...	What are you sure about?
+You know champagne makes me do crazy things.	I’ll just full yours up to the top.  Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
+I don’t know how you did it, hoss, but you pulled it off.	I’m out of the doghouse?
+I’m out of the doghouse?	Way out...
+You’re so...beautiful...	I already told you you were gonna get lucky, Jack...
+My god, all this time...I never stopped loving you...	That’s all I wanted to hear...
+I could stay here forever...	I don’t think I’d fight you on that one...
+Pretty incredible, isn’t it?	It’s like a museum.
+So what’s the big surprise? You didn’t rent this place for the weekend, did you?	Think bigger.
+Think bigger.	For the week?
+This place is a perk, Kate.	A perk for what?
+A perk for what?	A company called P.K. Lassiter and Associates Investment House uses it to attract new executives...
+You’re talking to their new Vice President of Mergers and Acquisitions.	What are you talking about, Jack?
+Are you out of your mind?	I don’t think so. This is going to be a better life for all of us, honey.  We’ll put Annie and Josh in private schools...
+I don’t think so. This is going to be a better life for all of us, honey.  We’ll put Annie and Josh in private schools...	Annie goes to a great school.
+Annie goes to a great school.	I’m talking about the best schools in the country here, Kate...
+I’m talking about the best schools in the country here, Kate...	Jack, what could you possibly be thinking? What about my job?
+Jack, what could you possibly be thinking? What about my job?	This is New York City, it’s like the needy people capital of the world.  Those Jersey clients of yours aren’t a tenth as pathetic as the ones you could get here...
+This is New York City, it’s like the needy people capital of the world.  Those Jersey clients of yours aren’t a tenth as pathetic as the ones you could get here...	I can’t believe you want to move back into the city.  I thought the reason we left was because we didn’t want to raise the kids here?
+I can’t believe you want to move back into the city.  I thought the reason we left was because we didn’t want to raise the kids here?	No, this is the center of the universe.  If I were living in Roman times, I would live in Rome, where else?  Today, America is the Roman Empire and New York is Rome itself. John Lennon.
+No, this is the center of the universe.  If I were living in Roman times, I would live in Rome, where else?  Today, America is the Roman Empire and New York is Rome itself. John Lennon.	Jack.
+I can do that.  I want to do that.  For all of us. I need to do that as a man...  Think about it.  No more lousy restaurants, no more clipping coupons, no more shoveling snow...	Then get a goddamn snow blower!
+Don’t do that...	Look, you’re making this into something it’s not. This isn’t a referendum on our lives, Kate. It’s a step forward...  Don’t you see?  I’m talking about us finally having a life other people envy.
+It’s been interesting, that’s for sure.	But I’ve done some good things too, haven’t I?
+But I’ve done some good things too, haven’t I?	You’ve been Jack Campbell.  And that’s always a good thing...
+I need you to remember me, Kate.  How I am right now, right this very moment.  I need you to put that image in your heart and keep it with you, no matter what happens.	Are you okay, Jack?
+Are you okay, Jack?	Please, just promise me you’ll do that. You have to promise, Kate. Because if you don’t, then it’s like it never happened and I don’t think I could live with that.
+I promise, Jack...	Promise me again...
+Promise me again...	I promise. Come to bed, honey.
+Kate...	Jack...God, it’s been so long...You look...
+You look great.	It’s good to see you...
+I'm sorry...	Don’t worry about it, Jack...
+What’s going on?	I’m moving to Paris...it was right here...  It’s a box marked “Jack.”  I put it in the stack for the Salvation Army...
+I’m moving to Paris...it was right here...  It’s a box marked “Jack.”  I put it in the stack for the Salvation Army...	Paris?
+You’re moving...	Uh huh. To Paris. My firm has an office there and I’m going to be heading it up.
+Uh huh. To Paris. My firm has an office there and I’m going to be heading it up.	To Paris. Paris, France.
+To Paris. Paris, France.	That’s the one...
+That’s the one...	So you’re not at a non- profit firm?
+So you’re not at a non- profit firm?	Not with what they pay me...
+Not with what they pay me...	You’re not married, are you?
+You’re not married, are you?	No, Jack, I never got married. You?
+No, Jack, I never got married. You?	Not exactly...  Can we just take a minute here?  Maybe get a cup of coffee or something...?
+You can’t go!	Jesus, Jack...
+Jesus, Jack...	Don’t get on that plane!
+Don’t get on that plane!	Jack.
+Jack.	Please. Let’s just go have a cup of coffee. That’s all I’m asking for. I’m sure there’s another flight to Paris tonight.
+Please. Let’s just go have a cup of coffee. That’s all I’m asking for. I’m sure there’s another flight to Paris tonight.	What do you want from me? You want me to tell you everything that happened was okay?
+Don’t do this, Jack... But he continues...	We have two kids, Annie and Josh...
+Mrs. Peterson.	Hello Jack.  You don’t have to stop singing on my account...
+Hello Jack.  You don’t have to stop singing on my account...	It’s because I’m shy, Betty.  So, when are you going to leave that old corpse Mr. Peterson and run away with me?
+It’s because I’m shy, Betty.  So, when are you going to leave that old corpse Mr. Peterson and run away with me?	You know you could never satisfy me the way he does...
+No...	Thank you, Betty.  I know if I can just sleep this off, I’ll be fine...
+Thank you, Betty.  I know if I can just sleep this off, I’ll be fine...	And sleep you shall. Noblesse oblige is not dead.  Not yet anyway...Come, let’s get you some help.  Surely there must be a shelter somewhere in this city.
+And sleep you shall. Noblesse oblige is not dead.  Not yet anyway...Come, let’s get you some help.  Surely there must be a shelter somewhere in this city.	A shelter?!  I’m the richest guy in the building...I’ve got twice the square footage you have!
+Peter.  I don't see you rushing home to trim the tree.	That's because I'm a heartless bastard who only cares about money.
+That's because I'm a heartless bastard who only cares about money.	And God love you for it.
+I just got a call from Terry Haight.  Bob Thomas is nervous...	That'll happen when you're about to spend thirty billion dollars on some aspirin...
+That'll happen when you're about to spend thirty billion dollars on some aspirin...	Someone's gonna have to nurse him through this.
+Someone's gonna have to nurse him through this.	Why are you staring at my breasts, Peter?
+Why are you staring at my breasts, Peter?	I need you, tiger..
+I need you, tiger..	Where is he?
+Where is he?	Aspen.
+Hey Peter, lemme ask you a question.  An old girlfriend calls you out of the blue on Christmas Eve...	You suddenly having trouble getting dates?
+You suddenly having trouble getting dates?	Not by a long shot.
+Not by a long shot.	Then leave it in the past. Old flames are like old tax returns.  You keep `em in the file cabinet for three years and then you cut `em loose.
+Peter Lassiter...	Do I know you?
+Do I know you?	Not exactly. I’ve seen you on CNBC.  You look taller in real life...
+...we’re really more of a boutique operation, as you can see...	But you’re not interested in boutique dollars...  I get it...
+He certainly has your number, Alan.	You’re a little tougher, Peter.
+For one thing, you like expensive things.	That’s easy. You’ve seen my car.
+That’s easy. You’ve seen my car.	Okay...you smoke Hoyo de Monterreys. You’re a scotch man, single malt, not because it’s trendy but because you’ve been doing it for forty years, and you stay with what works. You have two great loves in your life, your horses and this company. You wept openly the day the Dow hit ten thousand...
+For the money, they’re hands down the best radial we carry...	Okay, I’ll take them...
+Okay, I’ll take them...	You won’t regret it...  Tommy!  Set Mr. Conlin up with four B.F. Goodrich G-Force T/A’s...  ...and give him ten percent off for having the best costume...
+Can I help you?	Is Kate here? Does Kate live here?!
+Is Kate here? Does Kate live here?!	Kate? No, there’s no one here named Kate.  Is that good enough for you?
+Damn...damn...damn...	Hey, are you okay?
+Hey, are you okay?	No...I’m not...
+No...I’m not...	Is there anything I can do for you?
+Hey, my wife’s in the kitchen. You got a cigarette?	I’m sorry, no...
+Did you really mean what you said about Tuscany?	Of course I did.
+Of course I did.	Last night was great...
+Last night was great...	You are an amazing lover.  You should be giving motivational seminars.
+You are an amazing lover.  You should be giving motivational seminars.	Thanks.  You're not bad yourself...
+I want to see you again.	I'd like that, too.
+I'd like that, too.	Tonight.
+It's Christmas Eve, Jack.	So we'll get egg nog.
+I have to go to my parents' house out in Jersey.  Would you like to come?	Jersey?  You know what the traffic's gonna be like?
+Jersey?  You know what the traffic's gonna be like?	I'm taking the train...
+Don't you have anywhere to go?	I've got plenty of places to go.
+Maybe I can try and sneak away some time tomorrow morning...  Okay?	If it's something you feel strongly about.
+That’s totally see through...	Merry Christmas...
+Merry Christmas...	Christmas?  It can’t be Christmas...
+Do you want me to look for the box or call the airline?	Hey, kind of under a little pressure here.
+Hey, kind of under a little pressure here.	Hey, kind of giving up Christmas day for my ex-boss here.
+You didn’t seem to mind offering to help me on Christmas day when you were unwrapping that Prada bag I gave you.	Maybe it’s by the wardrobe boxes...
+I’ll go for a cup of coffee!	Yes!
+I found it!	Congratulations. The La Guardia flight’s canceled but I got you out of Kennedy on United at nine. Am I good or what?
+You know, you could'a run an ad in the personals.	"""Sensual blind chick seeks three-ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship."""
+"""Sensual blind chick seeks three-ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship."""	This ain't permanent.  My friend Reed's working on a cure...I think.
+You don't know what it's like out there.  Walking around like some kind of circus freak.  People staring, whispering --	I wouldn't know anything about that.
+I wouldn't know anything about that.	I mean...
+I mean...	Tell me.  When you grew up in Brooklyn, how many astronauts did you know?  You went your own way then.  You didn't listen to people.  So why start now...?
+I don't think She's real big on hate.	You wouldn't say that, if you could see me.
+Such a sad face... You know, sometimes being different isn't a bad thing.	Trust me, this ain't one of those times.
+How'd you know it was me?	I'm blind, not deaf.  Wanna come in?
+I'm not really dressed for a party.	Relax, it's casual.
+Relax, it's casual.	No, I mean...I'm a little...dusty...
+Those yours too?	My step-dad's.  I'm strictly into stone.  I was wondering when you'd walk by.
+We're going to have to work on your touch.	I like the sound of that.
+Good thing it ain't workin... Reed, what are we doing here?  This guy's fast-food, strip-mall science --	This wasn't our first stop, in case you forgot NASA.  And Victor's not that bad.  He's just a little...  Larger than life.
+He's financed some of the biggest breakthroughs of this century.	You'd never know it.
+I can't take this.	Ben.  This is business.  Just work.
+What about his first born?	Ben, the money's not important.  We could save lives.
+He knew about NASA.  What if he made the call to shut us down --	Ben, think about all the people we can help if this works --
+Ben, think about all the people we can help if this works --	Maybe you should think about yourself for once.  You always let this guy push you round --
+Maybe you should think about yourself for once.  You always let this guy push you round --	We got what we wanted.  That's enough.
+We got what we wanted.  That's enough.	I know, I know.  I'm just worried about what he wants... Speaking of which...
+Can't do it.  I cannot do it.	External SRBs, orbital system engines. Its just like the shuttles you flew in --
+External SRBs, orbital system engines. Its just like the shuttles you flew in --	No.  I cannot take orders from that underwear model.  That wingnut washed out of NASA for sneaking two Victoria Secret wannabes into a flight simulator.
+No.  I cannot take orders from that underwear model.  That wingnut washed out of NASA for sneaking two Victoria Secret wannabes into a flight simulator.	Youthful high spirits.
+They crashed it into a wall.  A flight simulator.	I'm sure he's matured since then.
+When have I asked you to do something you absolutely said you could not do?	Five times.
+Five times.	I had it at four.
+I had it at four.	This makes five.
+Isn't that your speech?	He's made a few changes.
+He's made a few changes.	This is your dream, Reed.  You should be the one up there.
+This is your dream, Reed.  You should be the one up there.	Victor's better at these things.
+The shields on the station should protect us.	Should?
+I ain't done arranging your flowers, egghead.	Ben.  This is serious.  Turn around.
+How long was I out?	Three days.  I was worried about you. How are you feeling?
+Three days.  I was worried about you. How are you feeling?	Solid.
+I don't know.  I just keep going over and over the numbers.	Reed.  Even you can't compute every little thing.
+Reed.  Even you can't compute every little thing.	I should have done more, run more tests --
+You go through something like this, makes you appreciate having the right woman in your life.	Yeah, you and Debbie and perfect --
+Yeah, you and Debbie and perfect --	Reed, I'm not talking about Debbie.
+What?  Come on.  She's got a good thing with Victor --	I'm sorry, did that cosmic-bath loosen your screws?
+I'm sorry, did that cosmic-bath loosen your screws?	He's smart, powerful, successful --
+He's smart, powerful, successful --	Well maybe you should date him.
+Are you alright?	I think I need to lie down.  Bad shrimp.
+What the --!	Ben.  Are you okay?
+Ben.  Are you okay?	Am I okay?!  You wanna explain that?!
+We had a tough year.	Yeah, nine years straight.
+You got a chisel round here?	If we're going to identify the source of the mutation, we need to isolate your recombinant DNA so we can activate positional genomes.
+Okay.  I've uh, got some questions, from Sue.  That she thought might be better coming from me... Can you, you know, go to the bathroom...like normal...	Yeah.  You don't wanna know the details.
+Yeah.  You don't wanna know the details.	Ben, I'm afraid I've got to ask --
+Ben, I'm afraid I've got to ask --	Not unless you want that clipboard stretched up your --
+Not unless you want that clipboard stretched up your --	O-kay.  We'll skip that question.
+It's about to be a broken face.	This isn't permanent, Johnny.  We need to be careful until we're normal again.
+Ben --	Oh, you remember my name do you?  You happen to remember what you swore to do with every breath in your body?
+Oh, you remember my name do you?  You happen to remember what you swore to do with every breath in your body?	We're working as hard as we can --
+We're working as hard as we can --	Yeah.  I can tell.  Victor was right.
+"Glad ""nothing"" could take you away from your work."	Ben, I don't know if this thing'll change us back or make us worse. I need you to be patient for a little while longe--
+Time for your lesson, Vic.  Chem 101: what happens when you supercool hot metal...?  Ben...	Got it, teach.
+Ben, I've been crunching the numbers on the machine.  I think if we can rework the power settings...	Forget it, egghead.  I'm good as is.
+What the hell you smiling at?  Just keep your mouth shut, and your mind on those SMBs --	Actually, the engines are SMEs. Hydrogenbase, carbon propellant. Couple generations past your last ride.  I'm not as dumb as you look.
+If you behave, maybe next time daddy'll let you drive.	Keep talking, there won't be a next time.
+Please tell me your dawg's not trying to rekindle things with my sister.	'Course not.  Strictly business.
+'Course not.  Strictly business.	Yeah, well, his eyes say different.
+Yeah, well, his eyes say different.	Hey, two hearts got busted last time. Maybe she's not over it either.
+Hey, two hearts got busted last time. Maybe she's not over it either.	Let's see: you got Victor, stud of the year, more coin than God?  Or Reed, the world's dumbest smart guy worth less than a postage stamp.  Hmmm, it's a toss-up.
+Let's see: you got Victor, stud of the year, more coin than God?  Or Reed, the world's dumbest smart guy worth less than a postage stamp.  Hmmm, it's a toss-up.	Put your tiny little mind at ease.
+Put your tiny little mind at ease.	Don't you wander off, boy.
+Where...where am I?	Back on Earth.  Victor's medical facility... We're in quarantine.
+Back on Earth.  Victor's medical facility... We're in quarantine.	Reed? ... Sue?
+Reed? ... Sue?	They're fine.  Everybody else...is fine.
+What's wrong with me?	I swear to you they've done everything humanly possible.  The best plastic surgeons in the world, Ben.  You had the best --
+I swear to you they've done everything humanly possible.  The best plastic surgeons in the world, Ben.  You had the best --	Give me a mirror...
+They said that's not such a good idea, the shock alone could --	Give me the god damn mirror!
+Hey!  That's a prototype!	Go back to the drawing board.
+The machine works.  And Vic's gone Mister Hyde on us --	Really?  With a name like Von Doom? Never saw that one coming.
+No more cracks about how I look.	Hey, I'm Mr. Sensitivity now.  Clear the way, wide load coming through.
+I'll be watching over you.	Just get back soon, or I start looking for a new groom.
+Soon as I'm back, I'm gonna trade that in for a bigger rock.	I don't care about rocks, I care about you.  You bring him back in one piece, or you can forget being Best Man.
+Deb... It's me.  I need you to step out front.	Out front?  You home, baby?  I got a surprise for you.
+Ben?	"Don't come any closer for a sec.  This is gonna be kind of a shock... You remember when we said ""together forever no matter what""?"
+"Don't come any closer for a sec.  This is gonna be kind of a shock... You remember when we said ""together forever no matter what""?"	Baby, you're scaring me.
+Oh my G-g-g.  What did you...do to Ben?	Deb, it's me.  It's still me.
+What did you wish for, honey?	I already got it.  Everything I want.
+What are you doing here?	I'm worried about you.
+I'm worried about you.	About me?  How sweet.
+About me?  How sweet.	Come on.  Let me buy you something to eat.  Looks like you could use the company.
+Ben, come in.	What is this?  Where's Reed?
+What is this?  Where's Reed?	Where do you think?  With Sue.
+What do you want, Vic?	To help you.  I've run every test known to man.  And they all yield the same result: the machine is ready.
+Reed said it'd be weeks till --	He also said we'd avoid that storm in space.  And we know how that turned out.
+"He couldn't generate enough power for the machine to reach critical mass. Yet another mistake for ""Mr. Fantastic."""	And you can?  Power it up?
+Way to not overthink it.  So when do we leave?	I'll schedule the launch.  Call me in the morning to talk about resources and crew.
+I can handle the ship.  I can even handle Mr. Blonde Ambition.  But I don't know if I should be flying or playing Vegas in these suits.  Who the hell came up with them?	Victor did.
+We can monitor the cloud's approach and observe the tests from here.	Is it safe?
+I can only stay for one drink, Ben. I've got to meet with Victor.	Wouldn't want to keep Vic waiting.
+We need to give you a physical, so we know what got zapped.	Well why didn't you say so?  You want me to lift some weights or something?
+You look like an eighties rock band.	The suit will stretch.  You should try it --
+The suit will stretch.  You should try it --	I wouldn't be caught dead in that.
+He didn't.	Oh, he did.
+Oh, he did.	What did he do to the uniform?!
+He didn't mean it.  You know Johnny. He's always been a hothead --	It's not him.  It's them.  I can't live like this.
+It's not him.  It's them.  I can't live like this.	Just give Reed a little more time. You know how he works -- analyzing every little step before he takes one --
+Just give Reed a little more time. You know how he works -- analyzing every little step before he takes one --	It's easy for you to be patient.
+It's easy for you to be patient.	No, it's not.  I thought I was done waiting for Reed... We're all in this together now, Ben.
+Where is Reed?	Victor must've taken him.
+Your tissue, your organs, your entire biophysical structure is changing. Every system is still functioning, somehow --	And they're changing into...
+And they're changing into...	I don't really know.  A compound organic-metallic alloy.  Stronger than titanium or carbon steel.  Harder than diamonds --
+I don't really know.  A compound organic-metallic alloy.  Stronger than titanium or carbon steel.  Harder than diamonds --	Like the shields Reed said would protect us.  How long?
+Like the shields Reed said would protect us.  How long?	At this rate, the infection should be complete in two, maybe three weeks --
+At this rate, the infection should be complete in two, maybe three weeks --	"What do you mean ""complete""?"
+"What do you mean ""complete""?"	I wish I could tell you.  I can't pretend to know what we're dealing with here.  I'll notify the CDC and --
+What?	The Center for Disease Control.  If this thing is contagious --
+But...this disease...is progressive... degenerative...	That's terrible news...
+Victor's right.  Johnny, get to the command center.  Close the shields.	What about you?
+He's not responsive --	Ben!  Ben!
+Now what is up with that?	The cloud has fundamentally altered our DNA.
+The cloud has fundamentally altered our DNA.	Cool.  What'd it do to you guys?
+Oh, you dawg you.  Better not be my nurse!	Ben, are you there?
+This is wrong in so many ways.	You've been working out.
+Ben Grimm is a genuine American hero who's been through a terrible orde--	What he's trying to say is: every team needs a mascot...
+Twenty?  From outside the place looks a lot taller.	Oh, it is.
+We should stay here until we can define the extent of our changes...	This place is deluxe.  You got cable?
+This place is deluxe.  You got cable?	...and figure out how to reverse them. Let me show you to your rooms.
+Back it down, Johnny!	I can go hotter!
+Not only could you kill yourself, but you could set fire to Earth's atmosphere and destroy all human life as we know it.	Gotcha.  Okay.  Supernova bad.
+Is there something about flames? About flaming, that you --	What are you trying to say?  Just because I dress well and like to dance --
+What are you trying to say?  Just because I dress well and like to dance --	What?  No.  I'm trying to figure out why we each ended up with different symptoms.
+What?  No.  I'm trying to figure out why we each ended up with different symptoms.	Oh, well that's easy: I'm hot. You're...well, you're a little limp. Sue's easy to see through.  And Ben's always been a hardass.  Why aren't you writing this down?
+He's right.  These costumes are... missing something.  I can't put my finger on it --	They're not costumes.
+That's what I'm trying to calculate. And it's not rubber.  It's muscle, tendon.  I seem to have the ability to manipulate the malleability of my molecular structure and redistribute my density to --	Right, whatever, have fun.
+You need to control yourself and think before you --	Act.  Here we go again.  Reed, what if we got these gifts for a reason?  What if we have some, you know...like, calling?
+Act.  Here we go again.  Reed, what if we got these gifts for a reason?  What if we have some, you know...like, calling?	A higher calling like getting girls and making money?
+Johnny.  SUPERNOVA.	But all these people...
+But all these people...	Now.
+And where do we think we're going?	"I don't know if ""we've"" noticed, but the sickest runs this side of the Alps are right outside that window --"
+You're hot!	So are you!
+So are you!	I mean, you feel a little feverish.
+I mean, you feel a little feverish.	I've never felt better in my life. When do you get off work?
+I've never felt better in my life. When do you get off work?	My shift ends at four, but I couldn't --
+My shift ends at four, but I couldn't --	Meet me at 4:01, top of the run. That'll give you a minute to freshen up.
+Me like-y.	Stay right.  Left is trouble.
+Stay right.  Left is trouble.	I though we went over this.
+I though we went over this.	Last one down springs for room service.
+You're on fire!	Not this again --
+Not this again --	No: You're ON FIRE!
+The synthetics act as a second skin, adapting to your individual needs to --	Keep the hot side hot, and the cool side cool!
+Apparently I can disappear.	Please tell me you go silent too.
+Flame on, flame off.  Flame on, flame off --	Johnny.
+Stop it.	"Okay, ""mom."""
+What is that thing?	I think that thing is Ben.
+Wait.  You mean there's chance we could be full-on-24-7-fantastic?	Grow up, Johnny.  You want to run around on fire for the rest of your life?
+Grow up, Johnny.  You want to run around on fire for the rest of your life?	Is that a trick question?  C'mon, I can't be the only one who thinks this is cool.
+You're really cramping my style here.	You were at 4000 Kelvin.  Any hotter, you're approaching supernova --
+You were at 4000 Kelvin.  Any hotter, you're approaching supernova --	Sweet.
+Sweet.	That's the temperature of the sun.
+Uh, we call my sister the invisible girl...the Invisible Girl.	Girl...?!
+I'm driving.	Dude.  That's my sister.
+You're gonna pay for that, Pebbles.  What?!	"You gave us names?  What are you, the ""face"" of the Fantastic Four now?"
+You two need a time-out.	Blockhead started it!
+Johnny?  Did you see Ben?	Yeah, for the last time, I hope.  I'm done with this freak show.  I'm moving back to the real world.
+Yeah, for the last time, I hope.  I'm done with this freak show.  I'm moving back to the real world.	"Is that what you call it?  ""Real""?"
+"Is that what you call it?  ""Real""?"	At least it beats living in a lab like somebody's science project.
+Johnny, slow down.  Think.  You know mom didn't raise us to --	Look around, sis!  She's not here.  So you can stop talking to me like I'm your little boy --
+Look around, sis!  She's not here.  So you can stop talking to me like I'm your little boy --	As soon as you stop acting like one. Come on, you're smarter than this. You think those people out there care about you?  You're just a fad to them.
+I'm sorry, sis, for leaving you guys --	No, I'm sorry, for pushing you out.
+What are you doing --	Sis.  Let me take care of you for once.
+Sis.  Let me take care of you for once.	But Johnny...you can't fly.
+If Reed's right, then this little trip will double our stock offering.	And if he's not...?
+And if he's not...?	Reed's always right.  Good thing he doesn't always know what he's got...
+They're ready for you, sir.	Showtime.
+Our numbers are through the roof.  The IPO's tracking at fifty, sixty a share.  The bank's five times oversubscribed --	It's not just the money.  I could make money in my sleep.
+It's not just the money.  I could make money in my sleep.	Then what is it?
+Then what is it?	History, Leonard.  History. Everything else is conversation...  How's the other matter?
+Leonard, how's the feed?	Recording, sir.  We see you perfectly.
+How's the IPO?	Stable.  We're looking at low twenties.  It's a good number, considering the fallout from --
+Stable.  We're looking at low twenties.  It's a good number, considering the fallout from --	Reed's disaster.  You know, I half- think he did this to me on purpose.
+Reed's disaster.  You know, I half- think he did this to me on purpose.	Sir, I'm sure he wouldn't put himself --
+Get me on the AM shows, Larry King, cover of the Journal...  I've got to do something about this scar.  Make sure they only shoot my right side.	"Actually, uh, people seem to think the scar ""humanizes"" you."
+"Actually, uh, people seem to think the scar ""humanizes"" you."	And that's a good thing?
+You know, maybe you should get some rest --	Later.  First, I've got some unfinished business.  A deal that needs closing...
+Sir, I've always wondered... Why Sue? You could have any woman in the world but --	"That's why.  Because I could have any other woman... You know, when they asked Caesar ""why England,"" he said, ""because it's not mine."""
+Make sure you find Ben, bring him back here.  And keep it quiet.  I don't need this to hit the press.	Yes sir.  You've got the Mayor at eight, then a nine-thirty interview with the Journal --
+Yes sir.  You've got the Mayor at eight, then a nine-thirty interview with the Journal --	Front page?
+Front page?	Top left, like you asked.  Today Wall Street.  Tomorrow, who knows...maybe Washington.
+But dreams don't pay the bills, do they?  Same old Reed, the hopeless optimist. Still reaching for the stars, with the world on your back.	You remember in school we talked about working together.  That's what I was about to explain...
+This isn't going to be a problem, is it?	Not at all.
+You back this mission, and I'll sign over a fair percentage of any applications or --	The number's seventy-five.  And it's applications and patents.
+Funny how things turn out, isn't it?	Hilarious.
+Got it.  So take a walk, Ben...I'm going to borrow Susan for a second.	Sure.
+We've got minutes until it hits, not hours...Victor, that storm's deadly -- the radiation's lethal.  We need to abort.	Get a grip.  Reed.  We didn't come all this way to lose our nerve at the first little glitch.  Just close the shields...
+Get a grip.  Reed.  We didn't come all this way to lose our nerve at the first little glitch.  Just close the shields...	Ben's still out there --
+Ben's still out there --	So reel him in.  But we came here to do a job.  So let's do it.  Quickly.
+Come on, Ben, come on...	Reed, we're running out of time.
+Not until Ben is back inside!	It's too late for him, and soon it'll be too late for all of us.
+Just a little banged up.  A couple scrapes.  Why?	Ben did this.
+Ben did this.	Ben did this?
+Ben did this?	He's had some kind of...reaction to exposure from the cloud.  And he's not the only one.
+I'm starting to wonder the same thing... How much do you know about what happened to you?	Not much.  We need to run tests to see the extent of the damage.
+Didn't go as planned?  It was a catastrophe.  You ruined the lives of four people --	I ruined?  With all due respect, I told you to abort --
+I ruined?  With all due respect, I told you to abort --	Abort?  Reed, I put my company, my name, billions of dollars on the line, and I will not let you make me look like a fool --
+Abort?  Reed, I put my company, my name, billions of dollars on the line, and I will not let you make me look like a fool --	Victor, if we could understand what happened to us --
+Victor, if we could understand what happened to us --	I don't want to understand it.  This isn't one of your science projects.  I just want to fix it.  Fast!
+What are you doing here?	What I should have done a long time ago.  Applications and patents, Reed. This all belongs to me.
+But I'm not done with the machine --	Which is precisely the point. Analysis is over.  It's time for action.  My men could have mass- produced this by now.
+You're, you've, I mean, how have you bee--	Never better.
+Those solar winds are flaring, but I factored them into my coordinates and --	I was talking about us.  Working together.
+Well, uh, based on our history...you can handle the biogenetics, and I'll focus on the molecular physics.  Or, uhm, maybe I should take the biotech, you work the microscopes, since you have some background in electropho--	Right.  That's exactly what I meant.
+I, uh, think I remember the number.	It's been changed.
+As far as crew, I was hoping Ben could pilot the mission --	Well, he's welcome to ride shotgun, but we already have a pilot on our payroll.  You remember my brother Johnny...
+Material made from self-regulating unstable molecules.  I've been working on a formula for this.	Great minds think alike.
+Feeling better?	Yes, thanks.
+Yes, thanks.	That's good.  That's uh...good.
+That's good.  That's uh...good.	You always had a way with words.  I should be getting back.
+You're happy for me and Victor.	I can tell you guys are enjoying what was the best part of our relationship --
+I can tell you guys are enjoying what was the best part of our relationship --	Which was?
+Which was?	Passion.
+For science.	You are such a dork, Reed... You never got it and never will unless it's explained to you in quantum physics.
+Uh, Sue...?  I can't.	What?  What do you mean you --
+What?  What do you mean you --	Sue...look at your hands.
+It has to be the cloud.  It's fundamentally altered our DNA.	Let's not jump to conclusions, we need a massive amount of evidence before making that leap.
+What?	We need to get past them.
+Sue.  Your clothes.  Lose them.	What...?  Oh.
+How come Ben can't turn it on and off like us?	That's what we're here to find out.
+That's what we're here to find out.	If it happened to him, then it could...
+"It's not ""invisibility"" per se. You're bending the light around you with some kind of malleable force field.  That's what you projected on the Bridge."	What about you?  You haven't eaten in days.  How come you're never on this side of the microscope?
+You should be able to bend light around other objects, even people, if you could control your emotional state better --	Excuse me?
+I'm saying, if you had a little more self control, you could locate the trigger.  Can you remember the exact emotions when --	Anger.  Rage.  Frustration.
+Anger.  Rage.  Frustration.	Okay.  Is there any way to duplicate that feeling?  Some memory or...
+Okay.  Is there any way to duplicate that feeling?  Some memory or...	I'm sure I can come up with something.
+I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that... You must think that was some kind of latent hostility or --	What in the world would give me that idea?
+I mean, you broke up with me, right?	Are you kidding?
+Are you kidding?	No, I distinctly remember: you walked out my door.  Ergo...
+Reed.  I was ready for the next step, you weren't, ergo, I walked.	I think it was a little more complicated than --
+I think it was a little more complicated than --	I just wanted to share an apartment. What was so complicated about that?
+There were a lot of variables to consider --	No.  There weren't.  There was you. And me.  No variables, no math.  It was actually the simplest thing in the world.  But your head got in the way... like it always does.
+What are you doing?	The plants, from space.  Their particles are still charged.  With the right amount of energy, those ions could create the elemental profile of the cosmic storm.
+If we can build a machine to re-create the storm, we can reverse the polarity --	And reverse the mutations --
+And reverse the mutations --	Curing countless diseases, not just ours.
+But we're the focus, right Reed? Reed...?	Of course.  Of course.
+Of course.  Of course.	And you sure you can control this thing?  Last time didn't work out so well.
+And you sure you can control this thing?  Last time didn't work out so well.	With the right energy, we can stabilize the storm.  Maybe tie into the city grid...
+Reed.  How close are we to a cure?	No way to know.  Without more tests, experiments.
+Don't let Victor push you into making a mistake --	He was going to take away all my data, equipment --
+He was going to take away all my data, equipment --	Better than your life.  Victor's not the one who has to get into that thing.  We are.
+Which is why I'm working twenty hours a day, checking every variable --	Every variable but yourself.  You don't eat, sleep.  You can't live in your head like --
+Every variable but yourself.  You don't eat, sleep.  You can't live in your head like --	I'm not the only one in there.  I got you, Vic, Ben, Johnny, all rattling around in there.
+I could get Ben to tap into the Baxter's main power to generate enough voltage --	Reed.  Shh.  Just be quiet.  And look up.
+Remember our first date here...?  God, I was so nervous.	You were?
+You were?	Of course I was.  I'd read all your papers on bioethics.  Some of them two times just so I'd have something to say to you.
+You know, I bribed the projectionist ten bucks to keep it open late?	I gave him twenty.
+You always talked about how you liked the kind of man who could approach you...speak his mind.  One who wasn't afraid to tell you what he wanted.	I did.  I did, Reed...but I wanted you to be that man.
+When I walked out, I waited ten minutes outside your door.  Ten. Waiting for you to come find me.	Why didn't you say something?
+Why didn't you say something?	That would have kinda defeated the purpose.  And Reed...  I'm saying it now.
+I can...make it work.	Reed, stop, you need to rest your --
+Reed, stop, you need to rest your --	The power...I need...more power...to control...the storm --
+The power...I need...more power...to control...the storm --	You need a doctor.
+Sue, I need some of that anger, rage, frustration --	I'm sure I can come up with something.
+I found a broken gasket, from space --	A gasket?  Reed, we're at a party.
+It's just business.	I think you both know my Director of Genetic Research, Susan Storm.
+Surprised I agreed to Reed's proposal?	I understand the business reasons.
+I understand the business reasons.	Well, when you're looking at your future, it never hurts to find closure about the past.
+It's been a good two years, Victor... The company's accomplished so much.	Right, of course, the company... But you see, I've come to realize all the accomplishments in the world mean nothing without someone to share them with --
+Right, of course, the company... But you see, I've come to realize all the accomplishments in the world mean nothing without someone to share them with --	Uh, Victor, I hope I haven't done something to make you think...
+Uh, Victor, I hope I haven't done something to make you think...	Sue, I've lived my life unafraid of taking big steps.  And this is the biggest step yet.  If it helps, think of this as a promotion.  A merger of sorts...  Four little words that can change our lives...
+What are you doing?	Raising the shields.
+Raising the shields.	You can't leave them out there.
+What's going on?	Victor, are you feeling alright?
+Victor, I'm sorry I --	Just find him.
+Victor, your scar --	I told you, I'm fine.  It's you I'm worried about.
+I told you, I'm fine.  It's you I'm worried about.	I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to --
+I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to --	Please, no apologies.  I've arranged for your things to be moved to one of my condos.  You'll have round-the clock care.
+You said it was urgent.	It is.  There's something we need to talk about.  Something I need to ask you...
+Victor, wait, slow down a second.  I want you to know I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I just don't --	Susan.  What are you doing?
+He's working round the clock.  But the data needs to be tested, analyzed before --	Same old Reed.  All analysis, no action.  Wasn't that the problem with you two?
+If these molecules aren't stable, they could make us worse, maybe even kill us.	Then why is Reed dragging his feet? Maybe he likes having his prize specimen under glass...  It's ironic, isn't it?  You're finally the perfect woman for him...because you're his science project.
+Please don't make this personal --	Oh, I think you already have.
+Oh, I think you already have.	Victor, we can't do anything until the research is ready.
+'Scuse me.	I know it can't be easy.  Life hasn't changed that much for Reed, Sue and Johnny.  At least they can go out in public.  But for you?  People staring. Whispering behind your back...
+I know it can't be easy.  Life hasn't changed that much for Reed, Sue and Johnny.  At least they can go out in public.  But for you?  People staring. Whispering behind your back...	If you're trying to cheer me up you're doing a helluva job --
+If you're trying to cheer me up you're doing a helluva job --	I'm just saying, I know what it's like to lose something you love.  To see it slip away, and know it's never coming back.
+Reed's gonna fix me up --	For your sake I hope you're right. I'm sorry if that sounds a little skeptical.
+For your sake I hope you're right. I'm sorry if that sounds a little skeptical.	Skeptical...?
+Grant's uniquely qualified for this mission. He's a Communications Expert and was a Frogman during the War. Besides, he brought Benes into this country, and the fewer people who know about him, the better. At any rate, you'll find Grant invaluable, should anything go wrong once you're under way.  Okay, Don.	Here's the overall Target Area...
+Benes' natural defenses. White Corpuscles -- Antibodies. Once you begin to grow -- and become a menace to the body -- you'll trigger them off... MICHAELS With all the unknown factors in the body, I still say risking five lives for one is something we should reconsider --	We understand your concern, but we've made our decision, Doctor. Any questions? Anybody?
+Where do we stand?	Medical's ready.
+Okay to proceed.	Phase Two.
+They've crossed over into the Jugular Vein!	That can't be -- there's no direct connection between the two --
+That can't be -- there's no direct connection between the two --	Normally not. Unless it's an Arterio-Venous Fistula --
+But we have no choice! We've got, to take them out!	No...
+We still have fifty-one minutes. Leave them in.	But it's hopeless! They can't go back and they can't go on. I tell you there's nothing else we can do but remove them!
+But it's hopeless! They can't go back and they can't go on. I tell you there's nothing else we can do but remove them!	Not until the very last second. We must think of something... Something to save the situation.
+Doctor...without killing him -- how long could we stop his heart?	The less time, the better.
+The less time, the better.	I know that. But what's the maximum?
+I know that. But what's the maximum?	In his comatose state...and everything slowed down...no more than sixty seconds.
+At topspeed...and adjusting distance for Degree of Miniaturization --  The sub should get through the Heart in fifty-seven seconds.	That would give us only three seconds to revive him...
+That would give us only three seconds to revive him...	What are the problems in stopping the Heart?
+What are the problems in stopping the Heart?	Nothing -- compared to starting it up again.
+ we're stopping the Heart.	Message to Proteus.
+They're in the Pulmonary Artery.	They'll make up some time, once they get through that and reach the Pleural Cavity.  Respiration Post...
+Another delay... With only forty-two minutes left.	It'll be close -- but there's still a margin of safety.
+It'll be close -- but there's still a margin of safety.	Let's find what the devil's holding them up!  Contact the Proteus!
+I told you to cut down on the sugar.	I can't help it. I'm just weak, I guess.
+Time's up... We'll have to take them out immediately.	It means killing Benes...  And for all we know, they may have completed the operation!  Damn it to hell!
+What is it?	That blip we're picking up might only be the radio-active particle. The Proteus may already be destroyed...
+That blip we're picking up might only be the radio-active particle. The Proteus may already be destroyed...	What're you getting at?
+What're you getting at?	If I were in their place and I'd run out of time, I'd abandon the ship before I grew to dangerous size... and use the few extra minutes to get out the quickest way possible, on my own...
+If I were in their place and I'd run out of time, I'd abandon the ship before I grew to dangerous size... and use the few extra minutes to get out the quickest way possible, on my own...	Along the Optic Nerve to the Eye.
+Now how soon can we try Sodium Pentathol?	I'd hold that off awhile.
+I'd hold that off awhile.	Well, how about hypnosis? That can't hurt him!
+Hello, Grant. Good to see you again.	The Pentagon, wasn't it, General? Only you weren't in that uniform...
+Benes... What the devil happened?	The Other Side got to him.
+The Other Side got to him.	How bad off is he?
+How bad off is he?	Brain injury.
+Brain injury.	Before or after what he wanted to tell you?
+Before or after what he wanted to tell you?	Before he could breathe a word. He's the only scientist who knows the answer to what we're after. That's why we have to operate --
+-- and why we need you.	?
+I can't even put a Band-Aid on my finger.	Here's the Surgeon.
+Duval. Dr. Peter Duval. Top brain man in the country. Ever hear of him?	Sorry, but I'm rusty on surgeons. Who's the girl?
+Sorry, but I'm rusty on surgeons. Who's the girl?	Cora Peterson, his Technical Assistant. You'll join Duval and the others --
+Cora Peterson, his Technical Assistant. You'll join Duval and the others --	What can I do? Except maybe pass out?
+Wish I knew why.	Tell him where he fits in, will you? I've got a few things to check out.
+But why take the chance, when there must be other doctors?	We have no choice. Duval's the most skillful brain surgeon in the country, and he's right here, at hand.
+We have no choice. Duval's the most skillful brain surgeon in the country, and he's right here, at hand.	I wouldn't know if he's trying to save him or kill him.
+Right, sir.	Come along, they'll be operating shortly.  See you later, Mike.
+His technician okay? In addition to the Looks Department?	No question of her loyalty.
+I don't mean to be inquisitive. But this  -- for all I know it could stand for ?	.
+.	Say that again?
+General, I've heard some wild ones. But this takes it.	We can shrink an Army -- with all its equipment -- and put it in a bottle cap. That's why we call it .
+We can shrink an Army -- with all its equipment -- and put it in a bottle cap. That's why we call it .	If the Other Side ever gets hold of a thing like that...
+If the Other Side ever gets hold of a thing like that...	They have...  But we've both got the same problem -- lack or control. We can only keep things Miniaturized for exactly sixty minutes. Arter that, everything starts growing back to its original size.
+I assume Benes knows how to control it.	That's right. He wanted us to have the secret, and not them. Which is why they tried to kill him.
+That's right. He wanted us to have the secret, and not them. Which is why they tried to kill him.	They're bound to try again. No wonder they want me to stand by during the operation.
+They're bound to try again. No wonder they want me to stand by during the operation.	And take a little trip with them...
+And take a little trip with them...	Trip? Where to?
+Trip? Where to?	Well, the only way to reach that clot is from inside the Brain. So we've decided to put a Surgical Team and a Crew into a submarine -- reduce it way down in size, and inject it into an Artery --
+Well, the only way to reach that clot is from inside the Brain. So we've decided to put a Surgical Team and a Crew into a submarine -- reduce it way down in size, and inject it into an Artery --	You mean  going along?
+You mean  going along?	As part of the Crew.
+As part of the Crew.	Wait a minute! They can't shrink !
+Wait a minute! They can't shrink !	Grant, our Miniaturizer can shrink anything.
+Grant, our Miniaturizer can shrink anything.	But I don't want to be Miniaturized -- !
+But I don't want to be Miniaturized -- !	It's only for an hour --
+It's only for an hour --	Not even for a minute! General Carter, sir, I'd like you to reconsider your choice. I'm just not the right man for a mission of this kind.
+This is Dr. Duval, our Head Surgeon.	Oh yes, I've heard of you, Doctor.
+There'll be a team of Surgeons standing by. We're prepared to remove you immediately, should anything go wrong. In any event, you must be out within sixty minutes. After that, you'll be in danger of attack.	Attack? Who -- or should I say what from?
+Just one, General...	Yes?
+Yes?	Where can I get a cab back to town?
+Oh yes, great. The only problem is, he can't remember what he came to tell us.	Can't remember?... What do you mean?
+Can't remember?... What do you mean?	He's blanked out on that one particular point.
+Yes, we'd like to get moving.	Why don't you go on. We'll meet you at the Clearance Desk in a few minutes.
+Yes, Alan.	Meet Grant. This is Dr. Michaels, Chief of the Medical Section.
+Meet Grant. This is Dr. Michaels, Chief of the Medical Section.	Glad to have you with us, Mr. Grant.
+[LINE OF DIALOGUE CUT OFF]	I don't agree. Just because he's often difficult --
+I don't agree. Just because he's often difficult --	Difficult? He's impossible!
+Difficult? He's impossible!	That's no reason to suspect him of disloyalty.
+I'll be standing by.  know.	And no matter what happens, you're to take orders  from Dr. Michaels, understand?
+Listen...the Heart.	Yes...slowed down agreat deal.
+I can't imagine how it possibly could have come loose. I distinctly recall fastening it with all four bolts --	It must have been jarred loose during the whirlpool.
+But we just can't leave him in there! What'll happen to him?	We'll know -- in the next breath...
+That's beside the point now.  I don't see the sense of going on.	We must!
+We must!	With no laser --
+You're going out there? With those Antibodies --	No danger of attack, as long as you don't trigger them off by any injury to the System.
+Wouldn't it be quicker if we all helped?	Yes, there's no time to spare. And those fibers can be quite tenacious.
+Doctor...	Yes, Cora.
+Yes, Cora.	I -- I want to say...
+What is it?  Anything wrong?	I just wanted to thank you for taking me along.
+I just wanted to thank you for taking me along.	Thank you for volunteering.
+Never saw . Not even under an electron-mrcroscope.	They're much smaller than bacteria...
+Yes, a fistula too small to show up on the X-rays.	But big enough for us...
+Doctor...you can't mean that! Not when we've come this far. And if we give up, there'll be no way of saving Mr. Benes --	Dr. Michaels is right. We have no choice.
+Air bubbles!... Doctor --	No danger of an embolism. At our reduced scale, they're much too minute to prove fatal to Benes.
+Cora, is something wrong with the laser?	I don't know yet, Doctor. And I won't know until I test it.
+He's making a fine recovery.	He certainly is. He should be up and about in no time.
+Bet you're pretty handy around the house... Can you cook?	We're pushing oxygen today.
+We're pushing oxygen today.	I'll take some Laughing Gas, ma'am.
+I'll take some Laughing Gas, ma'am.	You sound as if you're not looking forward to it.
+You sound as if you're not looking forward to it.	Well, it's not exactly a pleasure cruise.
+Well, it's not exactly a pleasure cruise.	I think it's the most exciting --  We're going to see things no one ever saw before. The actual physical process of Life itself -- not something under a microscope... Just think of it --
+I think it's the most exciting --  We're going to see things no one ever saw before. The actual physical process of Life itself -- not something under a microscope... Just think of it --	That's the trouble. I am. Being shrunk...
+That's the trouble. I am. Being shrunk...	You may learn to like it.
+That'll teach you where to keep your hand.	Now I know...
+That could be quite a lethal weapon... It could kill, not cure.	Not in the hands of a great surgeon like Dr. Duval. The beam of this laser can be regulated to one millionth of a millimeter.
+Not in the hands of a great surgeon like Dr. Duval. The beam of this laser can be regulated to one millionth of a millimeter.	I understand you've been Dr. Duval's Assistant for quite some time... He must've snatched you out of the cradle.
+I understand you've been Dr. Duval's Assistant for quite some time... He must've snatched you out of the cradle.	I've been with him since I got out of school. He brought me into the CMDF, over five years ago.
+I've been with him since I got out of school. He brought me into the CMDF, over five years ago.	A long time, with one man.
+A long time, with one man.	Not working for someone like Dr. Duval --
+I never...never imagined it could be anything...like this.	I always thought it was nothing but red.
+-- at which point the Heart will be stopped by electric shock.	And if it should take more time to get through --
+Look at that...they're changing color...	Doctor -- is it possible? That we're seeing it happen before our eyes?
+Looks like you didn't batten it down too well.	But I did. I'm positive!
+Then how come it worked loose?	I have no idea.
+Shouldn't you answer that?	Not now. We need air, not greetings!
+I'll try to hold it from the other side of the wall, while you push from out here. Maybe that'll do it.	You can't --it's too dangerous --
+You must carry spare parts --	Not anything built into the chassis.  If it hadn't come loose --
+If you had a transistor about this size and power output, and a thin enough wire --  -- could you piece it together?	No, it requires such absolute precision --
+No, it requires such absolute precision --	A surgeon might...
+A surgeon might...	Oh yes, I'm sure Dr. Duval could. If we had the parts.
+Oh yes, I'm sure Dr. Duval could. If we had the parts.	I've got a source. All I have to do is tap it.
+Open it! Open it before they get here!	I can't till the hatch is flooded!
+No need to get up --	I feel much better now...
+Thank you for saving my life.	That's what they pay me for.
+That's what they pay me for.	A great deal more than that, I believe...
+Such as?	Keeping an eye on Dr. Duval...
+Keeping an eye on Dr. Duval...	What gives you that idea?
+That's why you're really here. I knew it from the start.	As obvious as that? Our Security people will jump for joy.  I suppose Duval's onto me, too?
+As obvious as that? Our Security people will jump for joy.  I suppose Duval's onto me, too?	You're not the first, but he's much too innocent, much too involved with his work, to realize what's going on around him.
+You're not the first, but he's much too innocent, much too involved with his work, to realize what's going on around him.	Under a cloud without cause, I take it.
+Under a cloud without cause, I take it.	Oh, no. Plenty of cause. He won't follow the herd, or change his convictions -- even when they're not popular. And he believes in an absolutely free interchange of information between scientists of different countries -- and these days, there's nothing more suspicious than that.
+Oh, no. Plenty of cause. He won't follow the herd, or change his convictions -- even when they're not popular. And he believes in an absolutely free interchange of information between scientists of different countries -- and these days, there's nothing more suspicious than that.	Depends on which end of the telescope you look through.
+Depends on which end of the telescope you look through.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	Well, if you happen to be very fond of him -- even in love with him -- it would certainly affect your point of view.
+We better get back to the sub. Every second counts now.	Look! They follow the direction of her glance, are startled to see:
+Doctor, what's wrong?	I can't breathe!... I've got to get out!
+I can't breathe!... I've got to get out!	It's too late now. We must go on.
+Looks like the molecular structure of proteins.	I don't agree. I think we ought to stop and take a sample.
+I don't agree. I think we ought to stop and take a sample.	That's not the purpose of this mission.  Captain -- keep a straight course -- until you're in the clear.
+But that isn't possible.	Not in a sealed vessel like an Artery.  Captain -- something must be wrong with your controls!
+We can't take a second more.	Captain -- head in the d1rection of the flow and drift with it.
+Nothing miraculous about it. Just an interchange of gases. The end product of five hundred million years of Evolution.	You can't believe all that's accidental? That there isn't a Creative Intelligence at work --
+What can we do?	Nothing -- against all that force.
+That puts us right here... Which means we can head straight for the Sub Arachnoid Cavity.	Yes...
+Yes...	If we can go in past the Oculomotor Nerve...
+It's against my better Judgment...	Better Judgment?! To wait until the actual operation -- when it may be too late?
+Better Judgment?! To wait until the actual operation -- when it may be too late?	I've done all I could with the laser.
+I've done all I could with the laser.	All I'm asking is you test it beforehand!
+All I'm asking is you test it beforehand!	If it won't work, it's beyond my power to fix it. But if it does, there's no telling how long it will hold up. It's a jury rig, at best, and we'll need every second of use we can get out of it. That's why I don't want to put any extra strain on the connections by running unnecessary tests.
+If it won't work, it's beyond my power to fix it. But if it does, there's no telling how long it will hold up. It's a jury rig, at best, and we'll need every second of use we can get out of it. That's why I don't want to put any extra strain on the connections by running unnecessary tests.	Dr. Duvall I insist you test the laser.
+Dr. Duvall I insist you test the laser.	I'll do nothing of the sort! The operation is  responsibility! I won't do it, and that's final!
+I'll do nothing of the sort! The operation is  responsibility! I won't do it, and that's final!	As usual, you want everything your way. Except this time there's more than your damned ego at stake.
+As usual, you want everything your way. Except this time there's more than your damned ego at stake.	I know only too well what's in the balance, Doctor. And it's not my ego, damned or otherwise.
+The Soul? The finite mind cannot comprehend Infinity. And the Soul which comes from God is Infinite.	Take a close look at your Soul, and your Infinity, and your God out there --
+--and certain chemicals involving proteins --	You left something out.
+You left something out.	What's that?
+What's that?	The Breath of God...
+Removal Point? What're you talking about!	We have no alternative. With only six minutes left, we'll just barely make it.
+Dr. Duval, you are not going through with this! I absolutely forbid it! I'm responsible for the lives of everyone here! I will not allow you or anyone else to leave this ship!	I'm going to do what I can to save Benes.
+The Medieval Philosophers were right...  is the center of the Universe... We stand in the middle of Infinity, between Outer and Inner Space. And there's no limit to either.	You mean Inner Space is endless?
+You mean Inner Space is endless?	Everything can be divided in half, no matter how minute.
+Only to the naked eye.  Those corpuscles -- carrying oxygen -- give the stream its color. But the rest of the plasma's very much like sea water. An ocean of life...	Quite a piece of plumbing.
+I'd hate to get lost on that Freeway...	They all lead to the same place -- the Lungs.
+Mind letting me in on what's going on out there?	A simple exchange, Mr. Grant. Corpuscles releasing carbon dioxide -- the moment they touch the Wall of the Lung -- in return for oxygen coming through from the other side.
+A simple exchange, Mr. Grant. Corpuscles releasing carbon dioxide -- the moment they touch the Wall of the Lung -- in return for oxygen coming through from the other side.	Don't tell me they're refueling...
+Don't tell me they're refueling...	Oxygenation...
+Just a few cells away from a vast air chamber -- one of the countless Alvioli of the Lung -- and we can't get enough to fill a microscopic tank.	Maybe we can...  Skipper, is there a snorkel on this sub?
+Isn't there another surgical procedure you can try?	No, there's no other way.
+We'll never get there in time, at this rate.	Isn't there another route? So we can by-pass all this?
+Isn't there another route? So we can by-pass all this?	Yes...  We can transfer over to the Inner Ear, and go by way of the Endolymphatic Duct.
+Yes...  We can transfer over to the Inner Ear, and go by way of the Endolymphatic Duct.	Then why not take it?
+"""Yet all the suns that light the Corridors of the Universe shine dim, Before the blazing of a Single Thought -- """	"""Proclaiming in incandescent glory The myriad Mind of Man..."""
+How does it look, Doctor?	If I can relieve the pressure on a few key vessels...
+Doctor, we've just about had it.	It I can clear this Central Nerve, that  be enough...
+The ship's good as finished. We'll have to get out on our own! Is there a quick way out?	We could follow the Optic Nerve to the corner of the Eye.
+You said there was a quick way out!	What about Dr. Michaels?
+What about Dr. Michaels?	It's too late!
+We need you for Security purposes, Mr. Grant.	At an operation?
+At an operation?	They know they failed to kill Benes. Security thinks they'll try again, first chance they get. We're afraid of medical sabotage -- or surgical assassination.
+They know they failed to kill Benes. Security thinks they'll try again, first chance they get. We're afraid of medical sabotage -- or surgical assassination.	Surgical assassination?! But that means you suspect --
+Miss Peterson, his Technical Assistant.	How are you, Miss Peterson?
+About forty miles an hour.	Well, it seems to me if you reduce a ship to microscopic size -- and the stream remains constant -- we'd take quite a beating.
+A what?	A forced joining of an Artery and Vein. Must've happened when Benes was hurt.
+If we can't go back, is there an alternate route?	Yes... We can go forward on this course, but it means going directly through the Heart.
+That's just dandy. We can't go forward -- and we can't go back.	I'm afraid there's only one thing we can do. Call off the mission.
+Tell them to take us out.	If there's any chance --
+If there's any chance --	Request removal, Mr. Grant.
+Sounds like heavy artillery...	It lays down quite a barrage in a lifetime. Forty million beats.
+There it is!	Fasten yourselves in. There should be a tremendous surge when the Heart starts up again.
+At this size, I would certainly think so.	If those Corpuscles can take on air, no reason why we can't.  All we have to do is hook up the snorkel to that air chamber you were talk1ng about, and when Benes inhales, there should be plenty of pressure to force the oxygen into the tank.  How's that sound to you, Skipper?
+In a way -- yes. Those are impurities imbedded in the Lung after a lifetime of 'Civilization.' Carbon from smoke and smog -- specks of dust --	Well, we better get on with it.
+Yes -- with all that pressure, and suction within --	There's no other way. Tie my safety line to the sub.
+All right now -- push the snorkel through as soon as I get inside.	Walt for the lull -- between the time he inhales and exhales.
+Grant -- wait a minute -- you're not going to dismantle the wireless?	Just one little transistor and a circuit wire is all it takes.
+Just one little transistor and a circuit wire is all it takes.	But that'll knock out our communications! We'll be cutting ourselves off from the outside.
+But that'll knock out our communications! We'll be cutting ourselves off from the outside.	They'll still be able to track us by radar, because of the radioactive fuel.
+Well, sir? Which is it? The wireless, or Benes' life?	Send the following message...
+Looks like the sea, at dawn.	We're safe -- long as it remains that color...  We're in the Pleural Sac.  It keeps the Lungs from rubbing against the Wall of the Chest up there. When those membranes become inflamed, we wind up with Pleurisy -- and a wracking cough.
+We're safe -- long as it remains that color...  We're in the Pleural Sac.  It keeps the Lungs from rubbing against the Wall of the Chest up there. When those membranes become inflamed, we wind up with Pleurisy -- and a wracking cough.	Cough? If he can kick up a storm by just  --
+Cough? If he can kick up a storm by just  --	His Pleura's in fine condition. It should be clear sailing through this area.
+His Pleura's in fine condition. It should be clear sailing through this area.	Let's hope... So far, somebody's tried to sabotage this mission twice.
+Sabotage? I don't understand...	I saw the laser just before we started. It was fastened down securely. You don't suppose what happened was an 'accident?' Any more than my safety line snapping after it was tied off to the sub?
+I saw the laser just before we started. It was fastened down securely. You don't suppose what happened was an 'accident?' Any more than my safety line snapping after it was tied off to the sub?	You have no right to blame Duval --
+You have no right to blame Duval --	That line was tampered with...
+That line was tampered with...	I -- I don't know what to say. I know he's under a cloud, but there's not a more dedicated man in the entire medical profession.
+I -- I don't know what to say. I know he's under a cloud, but there's not a more dedicated man in the entire medical profession.	You still never know what's going on in anyone's mind...
+You still never know what's going on in anyone's mind...	I can't believe it. Whatever happened was an accident.
+I can't believe it. Whatever happened was an accident.	Two in a row?
+Two in a row?	It's possible --
+We're entering the Lymphatic System. Those are nuclei of cells, lining a Duct.	I always had an idea there was only one System. The Circulatory.
+I always had an idea there was only one System. The Circulatory.	The Lymphatic System drains off excess fluid from the Tissues. Without it, we'd all swell up like balloons. He reaches the console, begins to take out a new chart.
+Skipper, you're picking up seaweed -- or whatever it is.	Reticular fibers. We ought to be clear of them soon.
+Looks like somebody declared war.	Just what it is. Antibodies, destroying Bacteria -- or any other foreign invader that threatens the System.
+They're tracking us Topside. Once they see where we're going, I'm sure they'll take every precaution.	Let's hope they realize the danger.  Captain, I'll give you a new compass heading.
+Looks like quite a way to go...	No, we should reach the base of the Brain shortly. And from there, it's not far to the site of the injury.
+Hold it, Skipper.  What happens if we overstay?	Once time's up, De-Miniaturization begins. In a matter of seconds the ship will grow big enough to become a danger to the System. Then White Corpuscles will swarm to destroy it, as they would any invader.
+Once time's up, De-Miniaturization begins. In a matter of seconds the ship will grow big enough to become a danger to the System. Then White Corpuscles will swarm to destroy it, as they would any invader.	How long will it take to get from here to the Removal Point?
+I'm in charge of this mission! You were instructed to take orders from me, not give them!	Sorry, but the situation has changed.
+Sorry, but the situation has changed.	Nothing has changed as far as  authority goes! He is  going to operate! Not in the little time we have left! There's no chance of success! It's sheer suicide for all of us!
+I don't believe that.	Why not? Because of his gibberish about GOd and the Soul? Camouflage -- that's all it is -- to blind the gullible like you! And to hide his real identity -- a fanatic whose only purpose is to kill Benes! And you made it possible!
+Sorry we had to get you up at this hour, Mr. Grant.	I thought I was on my vacation... What's it all about?
+I thought I was on my vacation... What's it all about?	I can't tell you.
+I can't tell you.	Where we going?
+Where we going?	I can't tell you that either... Excuse me, Mr. Grant, but you've got a smudge on your cheek.
+May I?	Go ahead.
+What'd you do that for?	I'm married.
+I'm married.	And she said it was indelible...
+Out of your element, aren't you, Captain?	Sort of.
+Sort of.	That makes two of us.
+Atomic fuel?	Nothing you could see with the naked eye. But there's a microscopic radio-active particle inside.
+If it's no military secret, how can a sub run on a microscopic particle?	They can't reduce nuclear fuel. But once the Reactor's Miniaturized -- along with the submarine -- a microscopic particle should emit enough energy to activate it.
+They can't reduce nuclear fuel. But once the Reactor's Miniaturized -- along with the submarine -- a microscopic particle should emit enough energy to activate it.	That's cutting it mighty close -- for a perfect fit.
+That's cutting it mighty close -- for a perfect fit.	It should work -- theoretically. If it doesn't, the mission's off. The craft's nuclear-powered. Except for your wireless.
+All in all, quite a canoe...	Designed for Piscatorial Research -- the Spawning Habits of Deep Sea Fish.
+Designed for Piscatorial Research -- the Spawning Habits of Deep Sea Fish.	Remind me to ask you about the love life of an octupus.
+'Prepare for Miniaturization'...	Positions, please. And strap yourselves in.
+Any reserve air?	Enough to breathe, but that's all.
+I've come up against fanatics before, and Duval just doesn't fit the pattern.  I'm going out there, Skipper. Maybe I can be of some help...	Remember -- we can't take more than five minutes to get out.
+What happened?	Dr. Michaels... He went berserk...
+Dr. Michaels... He went berserk...	Berserk nothing. He's the one who's been sabotaging the mission...  Get this on. Hurry!
+Come on -- it's no use!	We can get out through the Lab Section.
+Who, me? Oh, no! Don't bother about me! We're not hurt! Isn't that right, Skipper?	Uh -- what?
+Uh -- what?	We feel great, don't we? Just ?!
+We feel great, don't we? Just ?!	Oh -- sure, sure! Never better!
+Oh -- sure, sure! Never better!	Nothing wrong with us! Not a thing! We're fine -- just fine!
+What is it, Skipper?	We're losing pressure in the Flotation Tanks. Check the Manual, right over there.
+Yes, there is.	Could I run a tube through that Wall, without harming Benes?
+Thirty-two minutes left...  But chances are we won't have to wait that long for try-number three.	Look at those Walls up ahead!
+What's wrong, Skipper?	What I was afraid would happen. The stuff we passed through -- that looked like seaweed --
+How's it look?	I could use a lawnmower...
+Even so, because of our size -- I mean lack of it -- we'll still be cruising mighty fast. We'll be smashed to bits if there's any turbulence --	The only danger of turbulence is in the Heart -- and we're not going through it.  Once in the Carotid Artery, we'll remain in the Arterial System... until we reach the point of damage --  -- where Dr. Duval will attempt to dissolve the clot with a laser beam. After the operation, we'll return by way of the Venous System --  -- until we reach the base of the neck --  -- where we'll be removed right here -- with a hypodermic.
+Captain, how will you be able to follow my charts --  --from up there?	On the Repeater.
+That's it...	Looks simple to operate.
+I'll never find my way through that.	I'll guide you, once we're in the Heart.
+Well, that takes care of the valve. It was probably caused by that electric shock.	Was there any damage?
+Was there any damage?	Not to the valve. But we've lost too much air to make it the rest of the way.
+It's a dangerous procedure. If I miss the timing, we could explode the tanks... But I'm willing to try it.	Yes, by all means. We must try it.
+We could never fight that current it's physically impossible.	Then don't drift down further.
+Then don't drift down further.	I'll do what I can.
+Doctor -- the channel's getting awful narrow.	We're entering a Capillary. Remain in the middle.
+We're entering a Capillary. Remain in the middle.	The Wall's transparent...
+The Wall's transparent...	It's less than one ten-thousandth of an inch thick. And porous.
+There seems to be something wrong with the Escape Hatch...	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	Fluid is seeping through. Better come down and have a look!
+...What do you mean, you decided not to park here?	Yeah, I just came in. I decided not to park here.
+You, uh... I'm sorry, sir, but -	I decided not to - I'm, uh, not taking the trip as it turns out.
+I decided not to - I'm, uh, not taking the trip as it turns out.	I'm sorry, sir, we do have to charge you the four dollars.
+I'm sorry, sir, we do have to charge you the four dollars.	I just pulled in here. I just fucking pulled in here!
+I just pulled in here. I just fucking pulled in here!	Well, see, there's a minimum charge of four dollars. Long-term parking charges by the day.
+Ophhem ma fuchem gaphe!	May I have your ticket, please?
+Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you?	I got your goddamn money, you little punk. Now where's my daughter?
+I got your goddamn money, you little punk. Now where's my daughter?	I am through fucking around! Drop that fucking briefcase!
+I am through fucking around! Drop that fucking briefcase!	Where's my daughter?
+Where's my daughter?	Fuck you, man! Where's Jerry? I gave SIMPLE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS -
+Fuck you, man! Where's Jerry? I gave SIMPLE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS -	Where's my damn daughter? No Jean, no money!
+Where's my damn daughter? No Jean, no money!	Drop that fucking money!
+Drop that fucking money!	No Jean, no money!
+No Jean, no money!	Is this a fucking joke here?
+...Is this a fucking joke?	Unghh... oh, geez...
+This is a new car, then, sir?	It certainly is, officer. Still got that smell!
+It certainly is, officer. Still got that smell!	You're required to display temporary tags, either in the plate area or taped inside the back window.
+You're required to display temporary tags, either in the plate area or taped inside the back window.	Certainly -
+Certainly -	Can I see your license and registration please?
+Can I see your license and registration please?	Certainly.
+...So maybe the best thing would be to take care of that, right here in Brainerd.	What's this, sir?
+What's this, sir?	That's my license and registration. I wanna be in compliance.
+Just in town on business. Just in and out. Ha ha! A little of the old in-and-out!	Wuddya do?  Carl looks around.
+Wuddya do?  Carl looks around.	Have ya been to the Celebrity Room before? With other, uh, clients?
+Have ya been to the Celebrity Room before? With other, uh, clients?	I don't think so. It's nice.
+I don't think so. It's nice.	Yeah, well, it depends on the artist. You know, Jose Feliciano, ya got no complaints. Waiter!
+... What is he, deaf?... So, uh, how long have you been with the escort service?	I don't know. Few munce.
+I don't know. Few munce.	Ya find the work interesting, do ya?
+Ya find the work interesting, do ya?	...What're you talking about?
+Or your fucking wife, you know.	Or your fucking wife, Jerry.
+Where is Pancakes Hause?	What?
+What?	We stop at Pancakes Hause.
+We stop at Pancakes Hause.	What're you, nuts? We had pancakes for breakfast. I gotta go somewhere I can get a shot and a beer - and a steak maybe.  Not more fuckin' pancakes. Come on.
+...Come on, man. Okay, here's an idea. We'll stop outside of Brainerd. I know a place there we can get laid. Wuddya think?	I'm fuckin' hungry now, you know.
+I'm fuckin' hungry now, you know.	Yeah, yeah, Jesus - I'm sayin', we'll stop for pancakes, then we'll get laid. Wuddya think?
+...Look at that. Twin Cities.  IDS Building, the big glass one.  Tallest skyscraper in the Midwest.  After the Sears, uh, Chicago...  You never been to Minneapolis?	No.
+No.	...Would it kill you to say something?
+...Would it kill you to say something?	I did.
+I did.	"""No."" First thing you've said in the last four hours. That's a, that's a fountain of conversation, man. That's a geyser. I mean, whoa, daddy, stand back, man. Shit, I'm sittin' here driving, man, doin' all the driving, whole fuckin' way from Brainerd, drivin', tryin' to, you know, tryin' to chat, keep our spirits up, fight the boredom of the road, and you can't say one fucking thing just in the way of conversation."
+Unguent.	Huh?  Grimsurd looks at his thumb.
+Huh?  Grimsurd looks at his thumb.	I need ...unguent.
+Shut the fuck up or I'll throw you back in the trunk, you know.	Geez. That's more'n I've heard you say all week.
+You'll take care of it. Boy, you are smooth smooth, you know.	Whoa, Daddy.
+Clear him off the road.	Yeah.
+She started shrieking, you know.	Jezhush.
+...You c'n'ave my truck. I'm takin' a Shiera.	We split that.
+One of us pays the other for half.	HOLD ON! NO FUCKIN' WAY! YOU FUCKIN' NOTISH ISH? I GOT FUCKIN' SHOT INNA FAISH! I WENT'N GOTTA FUCKIN' MONEY! I GET SHOT FUCKIN' PICKIN' IT UP!  I BEEN UP FOR THIRTY-SHIKSH FUCKIN' HOURZH! I'M TAKIN' THAT FUCKIN' CAR! THAT FUCKERZH MINE!
+...So I guess that's it, then.  Here's the keys -	No, that's not it, Jerry.
+No, that's not it, Jerry.	Huh?
+Huh?	The new vehicle, plus forty thousand dollars.
+The new vehicle, plus forty thousand dollars.	Yah, but the deal was, the car first, see, then the forty thousand, like as if it was the ransom. I thought Shep told you -
+Yah, but the deal was, the car first, see, then the forty thousand, like as if it was the ransom. I thought Shep told you -	Shep didn't tell us much, Jerry.
+Shep didn't tell us much, Jerry.	Well, okay, it's -
+Well, okay, it's -	Except that you were gonna be here at 7:30.
+Except that you were gonna be here at 7:30.	Yah, well, that was a mix-up, then.
+Yah, well, that was a mix-up, then.	Yeah, you already said that.
+Yeah, you already said that.	Yah. But it's not a whole pay-in- advance deal. I give you a brand-new vehicle in advance and -
+Yah. But it's not a whole pay-in- advance deal. I give you a brand-new vehicle in advance and -	I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry.
+I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry.	Okay.
+Okay.	I'm not gonna sit here and debate. I will say this though: what Shep told us didn't make a whole lot of sense.
+I'm not gonna sit here and debate. I will say this though: what Shep told us didn't make a whole lot of sense.	Oh, no, it's real sound. It's all worked out.
+Oh, no, it's real sound. It's all worked out.	You want your own wife kidnapped?
+You want your own wife kidnapped?	Yah.
+...You-my point is, you pay the ransom- what eighty thousand bucks?  - I mean, you give us half the ransom, forty thousand, you keep half. It's like robbing Peter to play Paul, it doesn't make any -	Okay, it's - see, it's not me payin' the ransom. The thing is, my wife, she's wealthy - her dad, he's real well off. Now, I'm in a bit of trouble -
+Okay, it's - see, it's not me payin' the ransom. The thing is, my wife, she's wealthy - her dad, he's real well off. Now, I'm in a bit of trouble -	What kind of trouble are you in, Jerry?
+What kind of trouble are you in, Jerry?	Well, that's, that's, I'm not go inta, inta - see, I just need money. Now, her dad's real wealthy -
+Well, that's, that's, I'm not go inta, inta - see, I just need money. Now, her dad's real wealthy -	So why don't you just ask him for the money?
+Well, it's all just part of this - they don't know I need it, see. Okay, so there's that. And even if they did, I wouldn't get it.  So there's that on top, then. See, these're personal matters.	Personal matters.
+Personal matters.	Yah. Personal matters that needn't, uh -
+Yah. Personal matters that needn't, uh -	Okay, Jerry. You're tasking us to perform this mission, but you, you won't, uh, you won't - aw, fuck it, let's take a look at that Ciera.
+...Who's Jean?	My wife! What the - how's -
+My wife! What the - how's -	Oh, Jean's okay. But there's three people up in Brainerd who aren't so okay, I'll tell ya that.
+Oh, Jean's okay. But there's three people up in Brainerd who aren't so okay, I'll tell ya that.	What the heck're you talkin' about? Let's just finish up this deal here -
+What the heck're you talkin' about? Let's just finish up this deal here -	Blood has been shed, Jerry.
+...Blood has been shed.	What the heck d'ya mean?
+What the heck d'ya mean?	Three people. In Brainerd.
+Three people. In Brainerd.	Oh, geez.
+Oh, geez.	That's right. And we need more money.
+That's right. And we need more money.	The heck d'ya mean? What a you guys got yourself mixed up in?
+The heck d'ya mean? What a you guys got yourself mixed up in?	We need more -
+We need more -	This was s'posed to be a no-rough stuff-type deal -
+This was s'posed to be a no-rough stuff-type deal -	DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME, JERRY! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
+DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME, JERRY! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!	Well, I'm sorry, but I just - I -
+Well, I'm sorry, but I just - I -	Look. I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry. The price is now the whole amount. We want the entire eighty thousand.
+Look. I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry. The price is now the whole amount. We want the entire eighty thousand.	Oh, for Chrissakes here -
+Oh, for Chrissakes here -	Blood has been shed. We've incurred risks, Jerry. I'm coming into town tomorrow. Have the money ready.
+Blood has been shed. We've incurred risks, Jerry. I'm coming into town tomorrow. Have the money ready.	Now we had a deal here! A deal's a deal!
+Now we had a deal here! A deal's a deal!	IS IT, JERRY?  You ask those three pour souls up in Brainerd if a deal's a deal! Go ahead, ask 'em!
+IS IT, JERRY?  You ask those three pour souls up in Brainerd if a deal's a deal! Go ahead, ask 'em!	...The heck d'ya mean?
+...The heck d'ya mean?	I'll see you tomorrow.
+Yah, I got the money, but, uh -	Don't you fucking but me, Jerry.  I want you with this money on the Dayton- Radisson parking ramp, top level, thirty minutes, and we'll wrap this up.
+Don't you fucking but me, Jerry.  I want you with this money on the Dayton- Radisson parking ramp, top level, thirty minutes, and we'll wrap this up.	Yah, okay, but, uh -
+Yah, okay, but, uh -	You're there in thirty minutes or I find you, Jerry, and I shoot you, and I shoot your fucking wife, and I shoot all your little fucking children, and I shoot 'em all in the back of their little fucking heads. Got it?
+You're there in thirty minutes or I find you, Jerry, and I shoot you, and I shoot your fucking wife, and I shoot all your little fucking children, and I shoot 'em all in the back of their little fucking heads. Got it?	...Yah, well, you stay away from Scotty now -
+...Yah, well, you stay away from Scotty now -	GOT IT?
+GOT IT?	Okay, real good, then.
+We sat here right in this room and went over this and over this!	Yah, but that TruCoat -
+Yah, but that TruCoat -	I sat right here and said I didn't want no TruCoat!
+I sat right here and said I didn't want no TruCoat!	Yah, but I'm sayin', that TruCoat, you don't get it and you get oxidization problems. It'll cost you a heck of lot more'n five hunnert -
+Yah, but I'm sayin', that TruCoat, you don't get it and you get oxidization problems. It'll cost you a heck of lot more'n five hunnert -	You're sittin' here, you're talkin' in circles! You're talkin' like we didn't go over this already!
+You're sittin' here, you're talkin' in circles! You're talkin' like we didn't go over this already!	Yah, but this TruCoat -
+Yah, but this TruCoat -	We had us a deal here for nineteen- five. You sat there and darned if you didn't tell me you'd get this car, these options, WITHOUT THE SEALANT, for nineteen-five!
+We had us a deal here for nineteen- five. You sat there and darned if you didn't tell me you'd get this car, these options, WITHOUT THE SEALANT, for nineteen-five!	Okay, I'm not sayin' I didn't -
+Okay, I'm not sayin' I didn't -	You called me twenty minutes ago and said you had it! Ready to make delivery, ya says! Come on down and get it!  And here ya are and you're wastin' my time and you're wastin' my wife's time and I'm payin' nineteen- five for this vehicle here!
+You called me twenty minutes ago and said you had it! Ready to make delivery, ya says! Come on down and get it!  And here ya are and you're wastin' my time and you're wastin' my wife's time and I'm payin' nineteen- five for this vehicle here!	Well, okay, I'll talk to my boss...
+Well, he never done this before, but seein' as it's special circumstances and all, he says I can knock one hunnert off that TruCoat.	One hundred! You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard. You're a bald-faced liar!
+One hunnert's the best we can do here.	Oh, for Christ's sake, where's my goddamn checkbook. Let's get this over with.
+Yah, ya got yer, this loaded here, this has yer independent, uh, yer slipped differential, uh, yer rack- and-pinion steering, yer alarm and radar, and I can give it to ya with a heck of a sealant, this TruCoat stuff, it'll keep the salt off -	Yah, I don't need no sealant though.
+Yah, I don't need no sealant though.	Yah, you don't need that. Now were you thinking of financing here?  You oughta be aware a this GMAC plan they have now, it's really super -
+Ah, well, we haven't had to run around like you. When're you due?	End a April.
+End a April.	Any others?
+Any others?	This'll be our first. We've been waiting a long time.
+This'll be our first. We've been waiting a long time.	That's wonderful. Mm-mm. It'll change your life, a course.
+That's wonderful. Mm-mm. It'll change your life, a course.	Oh, yah, I know that!
+Oh, yah, I know that!	They can really take over, that's for sure.
+They can really take over, that's for sure.	You have children?
+I thought you'd never ask. The older one is Janet, she's nine, and the younger one is Morgan.	Oh, now he's adorable.
+Oh, now he's adorable.	He's three now. Course, not in that picture.
+He's three now. Course, not in that picture.	Oh, he's adorable.
+Oh, he's adorable.	Yah, he -
+Yah, he -	Where'd you get him that parka?
+Both of these.	Oh, no, I can't let you do that.
+Oh, no, I can't let you do that.	Oh, don't be silly.
+Oh, don't be silly.	Well, okay - thank you, Detective.
+Well, okay - thank you, Detective.	Oh, don't be silly.
+How ya doin'?	Mr. Mohra?
+Mr. Mohra?	Yah.
+Yah.	Officer Olson.
+Officer Olson.	Yah, right-o.
+...So, I'm tendin' bar there at Ecklund & Swedlin's last Tuesday and this little guy's drinkin' and he says, 'So where can a guy find some action - I'm goin' crazy down there at the lake.'  And I says, 'What kinda action?' and he says, 'Woman action, what do I look like,' And I says 'Well, what do I look like, I don't arrange that kinda thing,' and he says, 'I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake' and I says, 'Well, this ain't that kinda place.'	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	So he says, 'So I get it, so you think I'm some kinda jerk for askin',' only he doesn't use the word jerk.
+So he says, 'So I get it, so you think I'm some kinda jerk for askin',' only he doesn't use the word jerk.	I unnerstand.
+I unnerstand.	And then he calls me a jerk and says the last guy who thought he was a jerk was dead now. So I don't say nothin' and he says, 'What do ya think about that?'  So I says, 'Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him then.'
+And then he calls me a jerk and says the last guy who thought he was a jerk was dead now. So I don't say nothin' and he says, 'What do ya think about that?'  So I says, 'Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him then.'	Ya got that right.
+Ya got that right.	And he says, 'Yah, that guy's dead and I don't mean a old age.' And then he says, 'Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake.'
+And he says, 'Yah, that guy's dead and I don't mean a old age.' And then he says, 'Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake.'	White Bear Lake?
+White Bear Lake?	Well, Ecklund & Swedlin's, that's closer ta Moose Lake, so I made that assumption.
+Well, Ecklund & Swedlin's, that's closer ta Moose Lake, so I made that assumption.	Oh sure.
+Oh sure.	So, ya know, he's drinkin', so I don't think a whole great deal of it, but Mrs. Mohra heard about the homicides out here and she thought I should call it in, so I called it in. End a story.
+So, ya know, he's drinkin', so I don't think a whole great deal of it, but Mrs. Mohra heard about the homicides out here and she thought I should call it in, so I called it in. End a story.	What'd this guy look like anyways?
+What'd this guy look like anyways?	Oh, he was a little guy, kinda funny- lookin'.
+Oh, he was a little guy, kinda funny- lookin'.	Uh-huh - in what way?
+Uh-huh - in what way?	Just a general way.
+Just a general way.	Okay, well, thanks a bunch, Mr. Mohra. You're right, it's probably nothin', but thanks for callin' her in.
+Okay, well, thanks a bunch, Mr. Mohra. You're right, it's probably nothin', but thanks for callin' her in.	Oh sure. They say she's gonna turn cold tomorrow.
+Oh sure. They say she's gonna turn cold tomorrow.	Yah, got a front movin' in.
+Yah, got a front movin' in.	Ya got that right.
+Hiya, Norm. How ya doin', Margie? How's the fricassee?	Pretty darn good, ya want some?
+Pretty darn good, ya want some?	No, I gotta - hey, Norm, I thought you were goin' fishin' up at Mile Lacs?
+The numbers y'asked for, calls made from the lobby pay phone at the Blue Ox. Two to Minneapolis that night.	Mm.
+Mm.	First one's a trucking company, second one's a private residence.  A Shep Proudfoot.
+First one's a trucking company, second one's a private residence.  A Shep Proudfoot.	Uh-huh... A what?
+Uh-huh... A what?	Shep Proudfoot. That's a name.
+Shep Proudfoot. That's a name.	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	Yah.
+Yah.	...Yah, okay, I think I'll drive down there, then.
+...Yah, okay, I think I'll drive down there, then.	Oh, yah? Twin Cities?
+Where you girls from?	Chaska.
+Well, the little guy, he was kinda funny-looking.	In what way?
+In what way?	I dunno. Just funny-looking.
+I dunno. Just funny-looking.	Can you be any more specific?
+Can you be any more specific?	I couldn't really say. He wasn't circumcised.
+I couldn't really say. He wasn't circumcised.	Was he funny-looking apart from that?
+Was he funny-looking apart from that?	Yah.
+Yah.	So you were having sex with the little fella, then?
+So you were having sex with the little fella, then?	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	Is there anything else you can tell me about him?
+Is there anything else you can tell me about him?	No. Like I say, he was funny-looking. More'n most people even.
+No. Like I say, he was funny-looking. More'n most people even.	And what about the other fella?
+They said they were goin' to the Twin Cities?	Oh, yah?
+LeSeure. But I went to high school in White Bear Lake.	Okay, I want you to tell me what these fellas looked like.
+He was a little older. Looked like the Marlboro man.	Yah?
+Yah?	Yah. Maybe I'm sayin' that cause he smoked Marlboros.
+Yah. Maybe I'm sayin' that cause he smoked Marlboros.	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	A subconscious-type thing.
+A subconscious-type thing.	Yah, that can happen.
+Yah, that can happen.	Yah.
+I'm talkin' about your potential.	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	You're not a C student.
+You're not a C student.	Uhn.
+Uhn.	And yet you're gettin' C grades. It's this disparity there that concerns your dad and me.
+And yet you're gettin' C grades. It's this disparity there that concerns your dad and me.	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	You know what a disparity is?
+You know what a disparity is?	Yeah!
+Yeah!	Okay. Well, that's why we don't want ya goin' out fer hockey.
+Okay. Well, that's why we don't want ya goin' out fer hockey.	Oh, man!
+...What's the big deal? It's an hour -	Hold on.
+Good to see ya again, Jerry. If these numbers are right, this looks pretty sweet.	Oh, those numbers are all right, bleemee.
+The financials are pretty thorough, so the only thing we don't know is your fee.	...My fee? Wade, what the heck're you talkin' about?
+Jerry - we thought you were bringin' us an investment.	Yah, right -
+Yah, right -	You're sayin' - what're you sayin'?
+No, see, I don't need a finder's fee, I need - finder's fee's, what, ten percent, heck that's not gonna do it for me. I need the principal.	Jerry, we're not just going to give you seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
+We're not horse-trading here, Wade, we just gotta bite the bullet on this thing.	Yah!
+Yah!	What's the next step here, Jerry?
+What's the next step here, Jerry?	They're gonna call, give me instructions for a drop. I'm supposed to have the money ready tomorrow.
+Okay. We'll get the money together. Don't worry about it, Jerry. Now, d'you want anyone at home, with you, until they call?	No, I - they don't want - they're just s'posed to be dealin' with me, they were real clear.
+No, I - they don't want - they're just s'posed to be dealin' with me, they were real clear.	Yah.
+Ya know, they said no one listenin' in, they'll be watchin', ya know. Maybe it's all bull, but like you said, Stan, they're callin' the shots.	Okay. And Scotty, is he gonna be all right?
+Okay. And Scotty, is he gonna be all right?	Yah, geez, Scotty. I'll go talk to him.
+Wade's got a point there. I'll handle the call if you want, Jerry.	No, no. See - they, no, see, they only deal with me. Ya feel this, this nervousness on the phone there, they're very - these guys're dangerous -
+So you're goin' to the Gophers on Sunday?	You bet.
+You bet.	You wouldn't have an extra ticket there?
+You wouldn't have an extra ticket there?	They're playin' the Buckeyes!
+They're playin' the Buckeyes!	Yah.
+Yah.	Ya kiddin'!
+...Yah, okay...	Look, Dad, there is no fucking way -
+...How ya doin' there, Scotty?	Dad! What're they doing? Wuddya think they're doin' with Mom?
+Dad! What're they doing? Wuddya think they're doin' with Mom?	It's okay, Scotty. They're not gonna want to hurt her any.  These men, they just want money, see.
+It's okay, Scotty. They're not gonna want to hurt her any.  These men, they just want money, see.	What if - what if sumpn goes wrong?
+What if - what if sumpn goes wrong?	No, no, nothin's goin' wrong here. Grandad and I, we're - we're makin' sure this gets handled right.
+Dad, I really think we should call the cops.	No! We can't let anyone know about this thing! We gotta play ball with these guys - you ask Stan Grossman, he'll tell ya the same thing!
+No! We can't let anyone know about this thing! We gotta play ball with these guys - you ask Stan Grossman, he'll tell ya the same thing!	Yeah, but -
+Yeah, but -	We're gonna get Mom back for ya, but we gotta play ball. Ya know, that's the deal. Now if Lorraine calls, or Sylvia, you just say that Mom is in Florida with Pearl and Marty...
+Mr. Lundegaard?	Huh? Yah?
+Huh? Yah?	I wonder if I could take just a minute of your time here -
+I wonder if I could take just a minute of your time here -	What... What is it all about?
+What... What is it all about?	Huh? Do you mind if I sit down - I'm carrying quite a load here.
+...You're the owner here, Mr. Lundegaard?	Naw, I... Executive Sales Manager.
+Naw, I... Executive Sales Manager.	Well, you can help me. My name's Marge Gunderson -
+Well, you can help me. My name's Marge Gunderson -	My father-in-law, he's the owner.
+My father-in-law, he's the owner.	Uh-huh. Well, I'm a police officer from up Brainerd investigating some malfeasance and I was just wondering if you've had any new vehicles stolen off the lot in the past couple of weeks - specifically a tan Cutlass Ciera?
+...Mr. Lundegaard?	...Brainerd?
+...Brainerd?	Yah. Yah. Home a Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox.
+Yah. Yah. Home a Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox.	...Babe the Blue Ox?
+...Babe the Blue Ox?	Yah, ya know we've got the big statue there. So you haven't had any vehicles go missing, then?
+Yah, ya know we've got the big statue there. So you haven't had any vehicles go missing, then?	No. No, ma'am.
+No. No, ma'am.	Okey-dokey, thanks a bunch. I'll let you get back to your paperwork, then.
+Yah, no, I'm kinda - I'm kinda busy -	I unnerstand. I'll keep it real short, then. I'm on my way out of town, but I was just - Do you mind if I sit down? I'm carrying a bit of a load here.
+I unnerstand. I'll keep it real short, then. I'm on my way out of town, but I was just - Do you mind if I sit down? I'm carrying a bit of a load here.	No, I -
+Yah, it's this vehicle I asked you about yesterday. I was just wondering -	Yah, like I told ya, we haven't had any vehicles go missing.
+Yah, like I told ya, we haven't had any vehicles go missing.	Okay, are you sure, cause, I mean, how do you know?  Because, see, the crime I'm investigating, the perpetrators were driving a car with dealer plates. And they called someone who works here, so it'd be quite a coincidence if they weren't, ya know, connected.
+Okay, are you sure, cause, I mean, how do you know?  Because, see, the crime I'm investigating, the perpetrators were driving a car with dealer plates. And they called someone who works here, so it'd be quite a coincidence if they weren't, ya know, connected.	Yah, I see.
+Yah, I see.	So how do you - have you done any kind of inventory recently?
+So how do you - have you done any kind of inventory recently?	The car's not from our lot, ma'am.
+The car's not from our lot, ma'am.	but do you know that for sure without -
+but do you know that for sure without -	Well, I would know. I'm the Executive Sales Manager.
+Well, I would know. I'm the Executive Sales Manager.	Yah, but -
+Yah, but -	We run a pretty tight ship here.
+We run a pretty tight ship here.	I know, but - well, how do you establish that, sir? Are the cars, uh, counted daily or what kind of -
+I know, but - well, how do you establish that, sir? Are the cars, uh, counted daily or what kind of -	Ma'am, I answered your question.
+... I'm sorry, sir?	Ma'am, I answered your question.  I answered the darn - I'm cooperating here, and I...
+Ma'am, I answered your question.  I answered the darn - I'm cooperating here, and I...	Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me. I'm just doin' my job here.
+Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me. I'm just doin' my job here.	I'm not, uh, I'm not arguin' here. I'm cooperating... There's no, uh - we're doin' all we can...
+Okay, I'll do a damned lot count!	Sir? Right now?
+Sir? Right now?	Sure right now! You're darned tootin'!
+...If it's so damned important to ya!	I'm sorry, sir, I -
+Hon? Got the growshries.	Thank you, hon. How's Fargo?
+Thank you, hon. How's Fargo?	Yah, real good.
+Yah, real good.	Dad's here.
+Yah, real good. How you doin'?	Pretty good, Mr. Lundegaard.  You're damned hard to get on the phone.
+Pretty good, Mr. Lundegaard.  You're damned hard to get on the phone.	Yah, it's pretty darned busy here, but that's the way we like it.
+Yah, it's pretty darned busy here, but that's the way we like it.	That's for sure. Now, I just need, on these last, these financing documents you sent us, I can't read the serial numbers of the vehicles on here, so I -
+That's for sure. Now, I just need, on these last, these financing documents you sent us, I can't read the serial numbers of the vehicles on here, so I -	But I already got the, it's okay, the loans are in place, I already got the, the what, the -
+But I already got the, it's okay, the loans are in place, I already got the, the what, the -	Yeah, the three hundred and twenty thousand dollars, you got the money last month.
+Yeah, the three hundred and twenty thousand dollars, you got the money last month.	Yah, so we're all set.
+Yah, so we're all set.	Yeah, but the vehicles you were borrowing on, I just can't read the serial numbers on your application. Maybe if you could just read them to me -
+Yeah, but the vehicles you were borrowing on, I just can't read the serial numbers on your application. Maybe if you could just read them to me -	But the deal's already done, I already got the money -
+But the deal's already done, I already got the money -	Yeah, but we have an audit here, I just have to know that these vehicles you're financing with this money, that they really exist.
+Yeah, but we have an audit here, I just have to know that these vehicles you're financing with this money, that they really exist.	Yah, well, they exist all right.
+Yah, well, they exist all right.	I'm sure they do - ha ha! But I can't read their serial numbers here. So if you could read me -
+I'm sure they do - ha ha! But I can't read their serial numbers here. So if you could read me -	Well, but see, I don't have 'em in front a me - why don't I just fax you over a copy -
+Well, but see, I don't have 'em in front a me - why don't I just fax you over a copy -	No, fax is no good, that's what I have and I can't read the darn thing -
+No, fax is no good, that's what I have and I can't read the darn thing -	Yah, okay, I'll have my girl send you over a copy, then.
+Yah, okay, I'll have my girl send you over a copy, then.	Okay, because if I can't correlate this note with the specific vehicles, then I gotta call back that money -
+Okay, because if I can't correlate this note with the specific vehicles, then I gotta call back that money -	Yah, how much money was that?
+Yah, how much money was that?	Three hundred and twenty thousand dollars. See, I gotta correlate that money with the cars it's being lent on.
+Three hundred and twenty thousand dollars. See, I gotta correlate that money with the cars it's being lent on.	Yah, no problem, I'll just fax that over to ya, then.
+Yah, no problem, I'll just fax that over to ya, then.	No, no, fax is -
+No, no, fax is -	I mean send it over. I'll shoot it right over to ya.
+I mean send it over. I'll shoot it right over to ya.	Okay.
+Okay.	Okay, real good, then.
+Jerry Lundegaard.	All right, Jerry, you got this phone to yourself?
+All right, Jerry, you got this phone to yourself?	Well... yah.
+Well... yah.	Know who this is?
+Know who this is?	Well, yah, I got an idea. How's that Ciera workin' out for ya?
+Well, yah, I got an idea. How's that Ciera workin' out for ya?	Circumstances have changed, Jerry.
+Circumstances have changed, Jerry.	Well, what do ya mean?
+Well, what do ya mean?	Things have changed. Circumstances, Jerry. Beyond the, uh... acts of God, force majeure..
+Things have changed. Circumstances, Jerry. Beyond the, uh... acts of God, force majeure..	What the - how's Jean?
+Yah!	Jerome Lundegaard?
+Jerome Lundegaard?	Yah!
+Yah!	This is Reilly Deifenbach at GMAC. Sir, I have not yet received those vehicle IDs you promised me.
+This is Reilly Deifenbach at GMAC. Sir, I have not yet received those vehicle IDs you promised me.	Yah!  I... those are in the mail.
+Yah!  I... those are in the mail.	Mr. Lundegaard, that very well may be. I must inform you, however, that absent the receipt of those numbers by tomorrow afternoon, I will have to refer this matter to our legal department.
+Mr. Lundegaard, that very well may be. I must inform you, however, that absent the receipt of those numbers by tomorrow afternoon, I will have to refer this matter to our legal department.	Yah.
+Yah.	My patience is at an end.
+My patience is at an end.	Yah.
+Yah.	Good day, sir.
+Good day, sir.	...Yah.
+...Dad?	It's okay, Scotty.
+It's okay, Scotty.	Where're you going?
+Where're you going?	Be back in a minute. If Stan calls you, just tell him I went to Embers. Oh, geez -
+Yah, Shep Proudfoot said -	Shep said you'd be here at 7:30. What gives, man?
+Shep said you'd be here at 7:30. What gives, man?	Shep said 8:30.
+Shep said 8:30.	We been sitting here an hour.  I've peed three times already.
+We been sitting here an hour.  I've peed three times already.	I'm sure sorry. I - Shep told me 8:30. It was a mix-up, I guess.
+I'm sure sorry. I - Shep told me 8:30. It was a mix-up, I guess.	Ya got the car?
+Ya got the car?	Yah, you bet. It's in the lot there. Brand-new burnt umber Ciera.
+Yah, you bet. It's in the lot there. Brand-new burnt umber Ciera.	Yeah, okay. Well, siddown then.  I'm Carl Showalter and this is my associate Gaear Grimsrud.
+Yeah, okay. Well, siddown then.  I'm Carl Showalter and this is my associate Gaear Grimsrud.	Yah, how ya doin'. So, uh, we all set on this thing, then?
+Yah, how ya doin'. So, uh, we all set on this thing, then?	Sure, Jerry, we're all set. Why wouldn't we be?
+Sure, Jerry, we're all set. Why wouldn't we be?	Yah, no, I'm sure you are. Shep vouched for you and all. I got every confidence in you fellas.
+...Dad?	Yah.
+Yah.	Stan Grossman called.
+Stan Grossman called.	Yah, okay.
+Yah, okay.	Twice.
+Twice.	Okay.
+Okay.	...Is everything okay?
+...Is everything okay?	Yah.
+Are you calling Stan?	Well... I'm goin' ta bed now.
+Yah, pretty good.	Whatcha watchin' there?
+Whatcha watchin' there?	Norstars.
+Norstars.	...Who they playin'?
+...Who they playin'?	OOOoooh!  His reaction synchronizes with a reaction from the crowd.
+Wade, have ya had a chance to think about, uh, that deal I was talkin' about, those forty acres there on Wayzata?	You told me about it.
+You told me about it.	Yah, you said you'd have a think about it. I understand it's a lot of money -
+Yah, you said you'd have a think about it. I understand it's a lot of money -	A heck of a lot. What'd you say you were gonna put there?
+A heck of a lot. What'd you say you were gonna put there?	lot. It's a limited -
+lot. It's a limited -	I know it's a lot.
+I know it's a lot.	I mean a parking lot.
+I mean a parking lot.	Yah, well, seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot - ha ha ha!
+Yah, well, seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot - ha ha ha!	Yah, well, it's a chunk, but -
+Yah, well, it's a chunk, but -	I thought you were gonna show it to Stan Grossman. He passes on this stuff before it gets kicked up to me.
+I thought you were gonna show it to Stan Grossman. He passes on this stuff before it gets kicked up to me.	Well, you know Stan'll say no dice. That's why you pay him.  I'm asking you here, Wade. This could work out real good for me and Jean and Scotty -
+Well, you know Stan'll say no dice. That's why you pay him.  I'm asking you here, Wade. This could work out real good for me and Jean and Scotty -	Jean and Scotty never have to worry.
+How ya doin', Wade?	What's goin' on there?
+What's goin' on there?	Oh, nothing, Wade. How ya doin' there?
+Oh, nothing, Wade. How ya doin' there?	Stan Grossman looked at your proposal. Says it's pretty sweet.
+Stan Grossman looked at your proposal. Says it's pretty sweet.	No kiddin'?
+No kiddin'?	We might be innarested.
+We might be innarested.	No kiddin'! I'd need the cash pretty quick there. In order to close the deal.
+No kiddin'! I'd need the cash pretty quick there. In order to close the deal.	Come by at 2:30 and we'll talk about it. If your numbers are right, Stan says its pretty sweet. Stan Grossman.
+Come by at 2:30 and we'll talk about it. If your numbers are right, Stan says its pretty sweet. Stan Grossman.	Yah.
+Yah.	2:30.
+Yah, thanks, Stan, it's a pretty -	What kind of finder's fee were you looking for?
+What kind of finder's fee were you looking for?	...Huh?
+Stan and I're okay.	Yah.
+Yah.	We're good to loan in.
+We're good to loan in.	Yah.
+Yah.	But we never talked about your fee for bringin' it to us.
+But we never talked about your fee for bringin' it to us.	No, but, Wade, see, I was bringin' you this deal for you to loan me the money to put in. It's my deal here, see?
+You're sayin' that we put in all the money and you collect when it pays off?	No, no. I - I'd, I'd - pay you back the principal, and interest heck, I'd go - one over prime -
+What the heck were you thinkin'? Heck, if I'm only gettin' bank interest, I'd look for complete security. Heck, FDIC. I don't see nothin' like that here.	Yah, but I - okay, I would, I'd guarantee ya your money back.
+Yah, but I - okay, I would, I'd guarantee ya your money back.	I'm not talkin' about your damn word, Jerry. Geez, what the heck're you?... Well, look, I don't want to cut you out of the loop, but his here's a good deal.  I assume, if you're not innarested, you won't mind if we move on it independently.
+- All's I know is, ya got a problem, ya call a professional!	No! They said no cops! They were darned clear on that, Wade! They said you call the cops and we -
+No! They said no cops! They were darned clear on that, Wade! They said you call the cops and we -	Well, a course they're gonna say that! But where's my protection? They got Jean here! I give these sons a bitches a million dollars, where's my guarantee they're gonna let her go.
+Well, a course they're gonna say that! But where's my protection? They got Jean here! I give these sons a bitches a million dollars, where's my guarantee they're gonna let her go.	Well, they -
+Well, they -	A million dollars is a lot a damn money! And there they are, they got my daughter!
+A million dollars is a lot a damn money! And there they are, they got my daughter!	Yah, but think this thing through here, Wade. Ya give 'em what they want, why wont' they let her go? You gotta listen to me on this one, Wade.
+Yah, but think this thing through here, Wade. Ya give 'em what they want, why wont' they let her go? You gotta listen to me on this one, Wade.	Heck, you don't know! You're just whistlin' Dixie here! I'm sayin', the cops, they can advise us on this! I'm sayin' call a professional!
+Heck, you don't know! You're just whistlin' Dixie here! I'm sayin', the cops, they can advise us on this! I'm sayin' call a professional!	No! No cops! That's final! This is my deal here, Wade! Jean is my wife here!
+You're darned tootin'!	Ah, dammit!
+... Stan, I'm thinkin' we should offer 'em half a million.	Now come on here, no way, Wade!  No way!
+Dammit! I wanna be a part a this thing!	No, Wade! They were real clear! They said they'd call tomorrow, with instructions, and it's gonna be delivered by me alone!
+No, Wade! They were real clear! They said they'd call tomorrow, with instructions, and it's gonna be delivered by me alone!	It's my money, I'll deliver it - what do they care?
+All the more reason!  I don't want you - with all due respect, Jerry - I don't want you mucking this up.	The heck d'ya mean?
+The heck d'ya mean?	They want my money, they can deal with me. Otherwise I'm goin' to a professional.  He points at a briefcase.
+They want my money, they can deal with me. Otherwise I'm goin' to a professional.  He points at a briefcase.	...There's a million dollars here!
+...There's a million dollars here!	No, see -
+No, see -	Look, Jerry, you're not sellin' me a damn car. It's my show here.  That's that.
+Say, Shep, how ya doin' there?	Mm.
+Mm.	Say, ya know those two fellas ya put me in touch with, up there in Fargo?
+Say, ya know those two fellas ya put me in touch with, up there in Fargo?	Put you in touch with Grimsrud.
+Put you in touch with Grimsrud.	Well, yah, but he had a buddy there. He, uh -
+Well, yah, but he had a buddy there. He, uh -	Well, I don't vouch for him.
+Well, I don't vouch for him.	Well, that's okay, I just -
+Well, that's okay, I just -	I vouch for Grimsrud. Who's his buddy?
+I vouch for Grimsrud. Who's his buddy?	Carl somethin'?
+Carl somethin'?	Never heard of him. Don't vouch for him.
+Never heard of him. Don't vouch for him.	Well, that's okay, he's a buddy of the guy ya vouched for, so I'm not worryin'. I just, I was wonderin', see, I gotta get in touch with 'em for, I might not need it anymore, sumpn's happenin', see -
+Well, that's okay, he's a buddy of the guy ya vouched for, so I'm not worryin'. I just, I was wonderin', see, I gotta get in touch with 'em for, I might not need it anymore, sumpn's happenin', see -	Call 'em up.
+Call 'em up.	Yah, well, see, I did that, and I haven't been able to get 'em, so I thought you maybe'd know an alternate number or what have ya.
+Yah, well, see, I did that, and I haven't been able to get 'em, so I thought you maybe'd know an alternate number or what have ya.	Nope.
+Hiya, Lou.	Margie. Thought you might need a little warm-up.
+Yah, thanks a bunch. So what's the deal, now? Gary says triple homicide?	Yah, looks pretty bad. Two of'm're over here.
+Where is everybody?	Well - it's cold, Margie.
+Okay, so we got a state trooper pulls someone over, we got a shooting, and these folks drive by, and we got a high-speed pursuit, ends here, and this execution-type deal.	Yah.
+Yah.	I'd be very surprised if our suspect was from Brainerd.
+I'd be very surprised if our suspect was from Brainerd.	Yah.
+Ya see something down there, Chief?	Uh - I just, I think I'm gonna barf.
+Uh - I just, I think I'm gonna barf.	Geez, you okay, Margie?
+Geez, you okay, Margie?	I'm fine - it's just morning sickness.
+...Well, that passed.	Yah?
+Yah?	Yah. Now I'm hungry again.
+Yah. Now I'm hungry again.	You had breakfast yet, Margie?
+You had breakfast yet, Margie?	Oh, yah. Norm made some eggs.
+Oh, yah. Norm made some eggs.	Yah? Well, what now, d'ya think?
+Yah? Well, what now, d'ya think?	Let's go take a look at that trooper.
+There's two of 'em, Lou!	Yah?
+Yah?	Yah, this guy's smaller than his buddy.
+Yah, this guy's smaller than his buddy.	Oh, yah?
+How's it look, Marge?	Well, he's got his gun on his hip there, and he looks like a nice enough guy. It's a real shame.
+Well, he's got his gun on his hip there, and he looks like a nice enough guy. It's a real shame.	Yah.
+Yah.	You haven't monkeyed with his car there, have ya?
+You haven't monkeyed with his car there, have ya?	No way.
+Somebody shut his lights. I guess the little guy sat in there, waitin' for his buddy t'come back.	Yah, woulda been cold out here.
+Yah, woulda been cold out here.	Heck, yah. Ya think, is Dave open yet?
+Heck, yah. Ya think, is Dave open yet?	You don't think he's mixed up in -
+You don't think he's mixed up in -	No, no, I just wanna get Norm some night crawlers.
+You look in his citation book?	Yah...
+...Last vehicle he wrote in was a tan Ciera at 2:18 a.m.  Under the plate number he put DLR - I figure they stopped him or shot him before he could finish fillin' out the tag number.	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	So I got the state lookin' for a Ciera with a tag startin' DLR.  They don't got no match yet.
+So I got the state lookin' for a Ciera with a tag startin' DLR.  They don't got no match yet.	I'm not sure I agree with you a hunnert percent on your policework, there, Lou.
+I'm not sure I agree with you a hunnert percent on your policework, there, Lou.	Yah?
+Yah?	Yah, I think that vehicle there probly had dealer plates. DLR?
+Yah, I think that vehicle there probly had dealer plates. DLR?	Oh...
+...Geez.	Yah. Say, Lou, ya hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J2L 4685?
+Yah. Say, Lou, ya hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J2L 4685?	Yah, that's a good one.
+Yah, that's a good one.	Yah.
+How we doin' on that vehicle?	No motels registered any tan Ciera last night. But the night before, two men checked into the Blue Ox registering a Ciera and leavin' the tag space blank.
+No motels registered any tan Ciera last night. But the night before, two men checked into the Blue Ox registering a Ciera and leavin' the tag space blank.	Geez, that's a good lead. The Blue Ox, that's that trucker's joint out there on I-35?
+Geez, that's a good lead. The Blue Ox, that's that trucker's joint out there on I-35?	Yah. Owner was on the desk then, said these two guys had company.
+Yah. Owner was on the desk then, said these two guys had company.	Oh, yah?
+...You can sleep, hon. It's early yet.	Gotta go?
+Gotta go?	Yah.
+I'll fix ya some eggs.	That's okay, hon. I gotta run.
+That's okay, hon. I gotta run.	Gotta eat a breakfast, Marge.  I'll fix ya some eggs.
+Gotta eat a breakfast, Marge.  I'll fix ya some eggs.	Aw, you can sleep, hon.
+Aw, you can sleep, hon.	Ya gotta eat a breakfast...
+...I'll fix ya some eggs.	Aw, Norm.
+Yah, yah, course I remember.  How are ya? What time is it?	Oh, geez. It's quarter to eleven.  I hope I dint wake you.
+Oh, geez. It's quarter to eleven.  I hope I dint wake you.	No, that's okay.
+No, that's okay.	Yah, I'm down in the Twin Cities and I was just watching on TV about these shootings up in Brainerd, and I saw you on the news there.
+Yah, I'm down in the Twin Cities and I was just watching on TV about these shootings up in Brainerd, and I saw you on the news there.	Yah.
+Yah.	I thought, geez, is that Margie Olmstead? I can't believe it!
+I thought, geez, is that Margie Olmstead? I can't believe it!	Yah, that's me.
+Yah, that's me.	Well, how the heck are ya?
+Well, how the heck are ya?	Okay, ya know. Okay.
+Okay, ya know. Okay.	Yah?
+Yah?	Yah - how are you doon?
+Yah - how are you doon?	Oh, pretty good.
+Oh, pretty good.	Heck, it's been such a long time, Mike. It's great to hear from ya.
+Heck, it's been such a long time, Mike. It's great to hear from ya.	Yah... Yah, yah. Geeze, Margie!
+Geez! You look great!	Yah - easy there - you do too!  I'm expecting, ya know.
+Yah - easy there - you do too!  I'm expecting, ya know.	I see that! That's great!
+...What can I get ya?	Just a Diet Coke.
+...This is a nice place.	Yah, ya know it's the Radisson, so it's pretty good.
+Yah, ya know it's the Radisson, so it's pretty good.	You're livin' in Edina, then?
+You're livin' in Edina, then?	Oh, yah, couple years now. It's actually Eden Prarie - that school district. So Chief Gunderson, then! So ya went and married Norm Son-of- a-Gunderson!
+Oh, yah, couple years now. It's actually Eden Prarie - that school district. So Chief Gunderson, then! So ya went and married Norm Son-of- a-Gunderson!	Oh, yah, a long time ago.
+Oh, yah, a long time ago.	Great. What brings ya down - are ya down here on that homicide - if you're allowed, ya know, to discuss that?
+Great. What brings ya down - are ya down here on that homicide - if you're allowed, ya know, to discuss that?	Oh, yah, but there's not a heckuva lot to discuss. What about you, Mike? Are you married - you have kids?
+Oh, yah, but there's not a heckuva lot to discuss. What about you, Mike? Are you married - you have kids?	Well, yah, I was married. I was married to - You mind if I sit over here?
+...I was married to Linda Cooksey -	No, I - Mike - wyncha sit over there, I'd prefer that.
+No, I - Mike - wyncha sit over there, I'd prefer that.	Huh? Oh, okay, I'm sorry.
+Huh? Oh, okay, I'm sorry.	No, just so I can see ya, ya know. Don't have to turn my neck.
+No, just so I can see ya, ya know. Don't have to turn my neck.	Oh, sure, I unnerstand, I didn't mean to -
+Oh, sure, I unnerstand, I didn't mean to -	No, no, that's fine.
+No, no, that's fine.	Yah, sorry, so I was married to Linda Cooksey - ya remember Linda?  She was a year behind us.
+Yah, sorry, so I was married to Linda Cooksey - ya remember Linda?  She was a year behind us.	I think I remember Linda, yah.  She was - yah. So things didn't work out, huh?
+I think I remember Linda, yah.  She was - yah. So things didn't work out, huh?	And then I, and then I been workin' for Honeywell for a few years now.
+And then I, and then I been workin' for Honeywell for a few years now.	Well, they're a good outfit.
+Well, they're a good outfit.	Yah, if you're an engineer, yah, you could do a lot worse. Of course, it's not, uh, it's nothin' like your achievement.
+Yah, if you're an engineer, yah, you could do a lot worse. Of course, it's not, uh, it's nothin' like your achievement.	It sounds like you're doin' really super.
+It sounds like you're doin' really super.	Yah, well, I, uh... it's not that it didn't work out - Linda passed away. She, uh...
+Yah, well, I, uh... it's not that it didn't work out - Linda passed away. She, uh...	I'm sorry.
+I'm sorry.	Yah, I, uh... She had leukemia, you know...
+Yah, I, uh... She had leukemia, you know...	No, I didn't...
+No, I didn't...	It was a tough, uh... it was a long - She fought real hard, Marge...
+It was a tough, uh... it was a long - She fought real hard, Marge...	I'm sorry, Mike.
+I'm sorry, Mike.	Oh, ya know, that's, uh - what can I say?...
+Better times.	I was so... I been so... and then I saw you on TV, and I remembered, ya know... I always liked you...
+I was so... I been so... and then I saw you on TV, and I remembered, ya know... I always liked you...	Well, I always liked you, Mike.
+Well, I always liked you, Mike.	I always liked ya so much...
+I always liked ya so much...	It's okay, Mike - Should we get together another time, ya think?
+It's okay, Mike - Should we get together another time, ya think?	No - I'm sorry! It's just - I been so lonely - then I saw you, and...
+...I'm sorry... I shouldn't a done this... I thought we'd have a really terrific time, and now I've...	It's okay...
+It's okay...	You were such a super lady...  and then I... I been so lonely...
+You were such a super lady...  and then I... I been so lonely...	It's okay, Mike...
+Nope.	Well, you do reside their at 1425 Fremont Terrace?
+Well, you do reside their at 1425 Fremont Terrace?	Yep.
+Yep.	Anyone else residing there?
+Anyone else residing there?	Nope.
+Nope.	Well, Mr. Proudfoot, this call came in past three in the morning.  It's just hard for me to believe you can't remember anyone calling.
+...Now, I know you've had some problems, struggling with the narcotics, some other entanglements, currently on parole -	So?
+So?	Well, associating with criminals, if you're the one they talked to, that right there would be a violation of your parole and would end with you back in Stillwater.
+Well, associating with criminals, if you're the one they talked to, that right there would be a violation of your parole and would end with you back in Stillwater.	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	Now, I saw some rough stuff on your priors, but nothing in the nature of a homicide...
+...I know you don't want to be an accessory to something like that.	Nope.
+Nope.	So you think you might remember who those folks were who called ya?
+Hello?	Yah, is this Marge?
+Yah, is this Marge?	Yah?
+Yah?	Margie Olmstead?
+Margie Olmstead?	...Well, yah. Who's this?
+...Well, yah. Who's this?	This is Mike Yanagita. Ya know - Mike Yanagita. Remember me?
+This is Mike Yanagita. Ya know - Mike Yanagita. Remember me?	...Mike Yanagita!
+...Hello?	Norm?
+No, I'm leavin' this mornin', back up to Brainerd.	Well, I'm sorry I won't see ya.
+Well, I'm sorry I won't see ya.	Mm. But ya think he's all right? saw him last night and he's -
+Mm. But ya think he's all right? saw him last night and he's -	What'd he say?
+What'd he say?	Well, it was nothin' specific he said, it just seemd like it all hit him really hard, his wife dyin' -
+Well, it was nothin' specific he said, it just seemd like it all hit him really hard, his wife dyin' -	His wife?
+His wife?	Linda.
+Linda.	No.
+No.	Linda Cooksey?
+Linda Cooksey?	No. No. No. They weren't - he, uh, he was bothering Linda for about, oh, for a good year.  Really pestering her, wouldn't leave her alone.
+No. No. No. They weren't - he, uh, he was bothering Linda for about, oh, for a good year.  Really pestering her, wouldn't leave her alone.	So... they didn't...
+So... they didn't...	No. No. They never married.  Mike's had psychiatric problems.
+No. No. They never married.  Mike's had psychiatric problems.	Oh. Oh, my.
+Oh. Oh, my.	Yah, he - he's been struggling. He's living with his parents now.
+Yah, he - he's been struggling. He's living with his parents now.	Oh. Geez.
+Oh. Geez.	Yah, Linda's fine. You should call her.
+Yah, Linda's fine. You should call her.	Geez. Well - geez. That's a suprise.
+His wife. This guy says she was kidnapped last Wednesday.	The day of our homicides.
+The day of our homicides.	Yah.
+And this guy is...	Lundegaard's father-in-law's accountant.
+Lundegaard's father-in-law's accountant.	Gustafson's accountant.
+Gustafson's accountant.	Yah.
+Yah.	But we still haven't found Gustafson.
+But we still haven't found Gustafson.	- looking.
+- looking.	Sorry - didn't copy.
+Sorry - didn't copy.	Still missing. We're looking.
+Still missing. We're looking.	Copy. And Lundegaard too.
+Copy. And Lundegaard too.	Yah. Where are ya, Margie?
+Oh, I'm almost back - I'm driving around Moose Lake.	Oh. Gary's loudmouth.
+Oh. Gary's loudmouth.	Yah, the loudmouth. So the whole state has it, Lundegaard and Gustafson?
+Yah, the loudmouth. So the whole state has it, Lundegaard and Gustafson?	Yah, it's over the wire, it's everywhere, they'll find 'em.
+Yah, it's over the wire, it's everywhere, they'll find 'em.	Copy.
+Copy.	We've got a -
+We've got a -	There's the car! There's the car!
+Whose car?	My car! My car! Tan Ciera!
+My car! My car! Tan Ciera!	Don't go in! Wait for back-up!
+...Chief Gunderson?	Copy. Yah, send me back-up!
+Copy. Yah, send me back-up!	Yes, ma'am. Are we the closest PD?
+Yes, ma'am. Are we the closest PD?	Yah, Menominie only has Chief Perpich and he takes February off to go to Boundary Waters.
+Thanks, hon. Time to shove off.	Love ya, Margie.
+Hon?	Yah?
+Yah?	Prowler needs a jump.
+Yah.	Thanks, hon.
+Thanks, hon.	You bet. Thanks for lunch. What do we got here, Arbie's?
+You bet. Thanks for lunch. What do we got here, Arbie's?	Uh-huh.
+...How's the paintin' goin'?	Pretty good. Found out the Hautmans are entering a painting this year.
+Pretty good. Found out the Hautmans are entering a painting this year.	Aw, hon, you're better'n them.
+Aw, hon, you're better'n them.	They're real good.
+They're real good.	They're good, Norm, but you're better'n them.
+They're good, Norm, but you're better'n them.	Yah, ya think?
+Yah, okay. How's the hotel?	Oh, pretty good. They bitin'?
+Oh, pretty good. They bitin'?	Yeah, couple a muskies. No pike yet. How d'you feel?
+Yeah, couple a muskies. No pike yet. How d'you feel?	Oh, fine.
+Oh, fine.	Not on your feet too much?
+Not on your feet too much?	No, no.
+No, no.	You shouldn't be on your feet too much, you got weight you're not used too. How's the food down there?
+You shouldn't be on your feet too much, you got weight you're not used too. How's the food down there?	Had dinner at a place called the King's Table. Buffet style. It was pretty darn good.
+Had dinner at a place called the King's Table. Buffet style. It was pretty darn good.	Was it reasonable?
+Was it reasonable?	Yah, not too bad. So it's nice up there?
+Yah, not too bad. So it's nice up there?	Yah, it's good. No pike yet, but it's good.
+They announced it?	Yah.
+...So?	Three-cent stamp.
+Three-cent stamp.	Your mallard?
+Your mallard?	Yah.
+Yah.	Norm, that's terrific!
+It's just the three cent.	It's terrific!
+It's terrific!	Hautman's blue-winged teal got the twenty-nine cent. People don't much use the three-cent.
+Hautman's blue-winged teal got the twenty-nine cent. People don't much use the three-cent.	Oh, for Pete's - a course they do! Every time they raise the darned postage, people need the little stamps!
+Oh, for Pete's - a course they do! Every time they raise the darned postage, people need the little stamps!	Yah.
+Yah.	When they're stuck with a bunch a the old ones!
+When they're stuck with a bunch a the old ones!	Yah, I guess.
+Yah, I guess.	That's terrific.
+I love you, Margie.	I love you, Norm.
+Uh-huh.	We called his house; his little boy said he hadn't been there.
+We called his house; his little boy said he hadn't been there.	And his wife?
+And his wife?	She's visiting relatives in Florida. Now his boss, this guy Gustafson, he's also disappeared. Nobody at his office knows where he is.
+She's visiting relatives in Florida. Now his boss, this guy Gustafson, he's also disappeared. Nobody at his office knows where he is.	Geez. Looks like this thing goes higher than we thought. You call his home?
+Geez. Looks like this thing goes higher than we thought. You call his home?	His wife's in the hospital, has been for a couple months. The big C.
+His wife's in the hospital, has been for a couple months. The big C.	Oh, my.
+Oh, my.	And this Shep Proudfoot character, he's a little darling. He's now wanted for assault and parole violation. He clobbered a neighbor of his last night and another person who could be one of your perps, and he's at large.
+And this Shep Proudfoot character, he's a little darling. He's now wanted for assault and parole violation. He clobbered a neighbor of his last night and another person who could be one of your perps, and he's at large.	Boy, this thing is really... geez.
+Boy, this thing is really... geez.	Well, they're all out on the wire. Well, you know...
+Well, they're all out on the wire. Well, you know...	Yah. Well, I just can't thank you enough, Detective Sibert, this cooperation has been outstanding.
+This is do-able.	Congratulations, Jerry.
+What the heck, Jerry, if I wanted bank interest on seven hunnert'n fifty thousand I'd go to Midwest Federal. Talk to Bill Diehl.	He's at Norstar.
+He's at Norstar.	He's at -
+I gotta tell ya, Wade, I'm leanin' to Jerry's viewpoint here.	Well -
+Well -	We gotta protect Jean. These - we're not holdin' any cards here, Wade, they got all of 'em. So they call the shots.
+I'm tellin' ya.	Well... Why don't we...
+That wouldn't interest you.	Where's Tyler?
+Where's Tyler?	The first rule of Project --
+The first rule of Project --	Right, right.
+What... ?	The garden.  Take him there.  Move, people.  Let's do this!
+Get your hands off him!  Get off...! What the hell do you think you're doing... ? Evidence?!  This is a man... !  You killed him!	He was killed in action.
+He was killed in action.	No!  Look at you!  You're... you're running around in ski masks, exploding things...
+No!  Look at you!  You're... you're running around in ski masks, exploding things...	He was killed serving Project Mayhem.
+I need to know where Tyler is.  Can't you help me?	Sir, you're disturbing the other patrons with your laudish behavior.
+Sir, you're disturbing the other patrons with your laudish behavior.	There's no one else here.
+There's no one else here.	I'm sorry, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
+I'm sorry, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.	Look at my face.  I'm a member.  I just need to know if you've seen Tyler Durden.
+Look at my face.  I'm a member.  I just need to know if you've seen Tyler Durden.	I'm not disclosed to bespeak any such information to you, nor would I, even if I had said information you want, at this juncture be able.
+You are a moron.	I'm afraid I have to insist you leave.
+This was a support group for men with testicular cancer.  The big moosie slobbering all over me was Bob.	We're still men.
+We're still men.	Yes.  We're men.  Men is what we are.
+Yes.  We're men.  Men is what we are.	Six months ago, Bob's testicles were removed.  Then hormone therapy.  He developed bitch tits because his testosterone was too high and his body upped the estrogen.  That was where my head fit -- into his huge, sweating tits that hung enormous, the way we think of God's as big.
+Six months ago, Bob's testicles were removed.  Then hormone therapy.  He developed bitch tits because his testosterone was too high and his body upped the estrogen.  That was where my head fit -- into his huge, sweating tits that hung enormous, the way we think of God's as big.	They're gonna have to open my pec's again to drain the fluid.
+Bob was a champion bodybuilder.  You know that chest expansion program you see on TV?  That was his idea.	...using steroids.  I was a juicer. Diabonol, then, Wisterol -- it's for racehorses, for Christsake.  Now I'm bankrupt, divorced, my two grown kids won't return my calls...
+...using steroids.  I was a juicer. Diabonol, then, Wisterol -- it's for racehorses, for Christsake.  Now I'm bankrupt, divorced, my two grown kids won't return my calls...	Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one.
+Cornelius!  How are you?	Bob.  I'm okay.  How are you?
+Bob.  I'm okay.  How are you?	Better than I've ever been in my life.
+Better than I've ever been in my life.	"Really?  Great.  Still ""Remaining Men Together?"""
+No.  I found something new.	Really, what's that?
+Really, what's that?	The first rule is... you aren't supposed to talk about it...
+The first rule is... you aren't supposed to talk about it...	Oh.
+Oh.	And the second rule about it is... you're not supposed to talk about it. And the third rule...
+And the second rule about it is... you're not supposed to talk about it. And the third rule...	Bob, Bob... I'm a member.
+Bob, Bob... I'm a member.	You are?!
+You are?!	Look at my face.
+That's a fucking great, man!  Fucking great! Congratulations.	Yeah, both of us.
+Yeah, both of us.	You know about the guy who invented it? I hear all kinds of things. Supposedly, he was born in a mental institution.  They say he only sleeps one hour a night.  You know about this guy?  Tyler Durden?
+"I'm going to need you out-of-town a little more this week.  We've got some ""red-flags"" to cover."	"It must've been Tuesday.  he was wearing his ""cornflower-blue"" tie."
+"It must've been Tuesday.  he was wearing his ""cornflower-blue"" tie."	You want me to de-prioritize my current reports until you advise of a status upgrade?
+You want me to de-prioritize my current reports until you advise of a status upgrade?	"You need to make these your primary ""action items."""
+"You need to make these your primary ""action items."""	He was full of pep.  Must've had his grande latte enema.
+He was full of pep.  Must've had his grande latte enema.	Here are your flight coupons.  Call me from the road if there are any snags.  Your itinerary...
+After fight club, everything else in your life gets the volume turned down.  You can deal with anything.	Have you finished those reports?
+Have you finished those reports?	Yes.
+Is that your blood?	Some of it, yes.
+I must've left the original in the copy machine.	"""The second rule of fight club... Is this yours?"
+"""The second rule of fight club... Is this yours?"	Hmm?
+Hmm?	You don't get paid to abuse the copy machine.
+You don't get paid to abuse the copy machine.	"""Abuse"" the copy machine.  There's an image."
+"""Abuse"" the copy machine.  There's an image."	Pretend you're me.  You find this. What would you do?
+We need to talk.	Okay.  Where to begin?  With your constant absenteeism?  With your unpresentable appearance?  You're up for review...
+Okay.  Where to begin?  With your constant absenteeism?  With your unpresentable appearance?  You're up for review...	I Am Jack's Complete Lack of Surprise.
+Let's pretend.  You're the Department of Transportation, and you discover that our company intentionally did nothing about leather seats cured in third world countries with chemicals we know cause birth defects?  Brake linings that fail after a thousand miles.  Fuel injectors that burn people alive.	Just who the fuck do you think you are?!  Get out!  You're fired!
+Just who the fuck do you think you are?!  Get out!  You're fired!	What about this?  Keep me on payroll as an outside consultant.  In exchange for my salary, I'll keep my mouth shut.  I won't need to come to the office.  I can do this job from home.
+"This is Detective Stern with the arson unit.  We have some new information about the ""incident"" at your condo."	Yes?
+Yes?	I don't know if you're aware... your front door -- it seems someone sprayed freon into the lock, then tapped it with a chisel to shatter the cylinder.
+I don't know if you're aware... your front door -- it seems someone sprayed freon into the lock, then tapped it with a chisel to shatter the cylinder.	No, I wasn't aware...
+No, I wasn't aware...	I am Jack's Cold Sweat.
+I am Jack's Cold Sweat.	Does this sound strange to you?
+Does this sound strange to you?	Yes, sire, strange.  Very strange.
+The dynamite...	Dynamite?
+Dynamite?	Yes.  It left a residue of ammonium oxalate and potassium perchloride. Do you know what that means?
+Yes.  It left a residue of ammonium oxalate and potassium perchloride. Do you know what that means?	What does that mean?
+What does that mean?	It means it was homemade.
+It means it was homemade.	This is... really a shock...
+This is... really a shock...	Whoever set this homemade dynamite could've blown out the pilot light days before the explosion.  The gas, it seems, was just a detonator.
+Whoever set this homemade dynamite could've blown out the pilot light days before the explosion.  The gas, it seems, was just a detonator.	Who do you think could've done this?
+Who do you think could've done this?	I'll ask the questions, son.
+No.  No, sir.  I loved that condo. I loved every stick of furniture. The lamps, the chairs, the rugs, were me.  The dishes were me.  The plants were...	I'd like to thank the academy...
+I'd like to thank the academy...	Well, if any ideas come to you, give me a call.  In the meantime, don't leave town.  I may need to bring you in for questioning.
+No, you can't die of insomnia.	Maybe I died already.  Look at my face.
+Maybe I died already.  Look at my face.	You need to lighten up.
+You need to lighten up.	Can't you give me something?
+Can't you give me something?	Red-and-blue Tuinal, lipstick-red Seconals.
+Red-and-blue Tuinal, lipstick-red Seconals.	You need healthy, natural sleep. Chew valerian root and get some more exercise.
+I'm in pain.	You want to see pain?  Swing by First Methodist Tuesday nights.  See the guys with testicular cancer.  That's pain.
+We need to talk.	Sure.
+Sure.	I'm on to you.  You're a faker.  You aren't dying.
+I'm on to you.  You're a faker.  You aren't dying.	What?
+What?	Okay, in the Sylvia Plath philosophy way, we're all dying.  But you're not dying the way Chloe is dying.
+And I saw you practicing this...	Practicing what?
+Practicing what?	"Telling me off.  Is it going as well as you hoped... ?  ""... Mr. Taylor."""
+"Telling me off.  Is it going as well as you hoped... ?  ""... Mr. Taylor."""	I'll expose you.
+I'll expose you.	Go ahead.  I'll expose you.
+Why are you doing this?	It's cheaper than a movie, and there's free coffee.
+It's cheaper than a movie, and there's free coffee.	These are my groups.  I was here first.  I've been coming for a year.
+These are my groups.  I was here first.  I've been coming for a year.	A year?  How'd you manage that?
+A year?  How'd you manage that?	Anyone who might've noticed either died or recovered and never came back.
+I... I don't know.  I guess... when people think you're dying, they really listen, instead...	-- Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.
+-- Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.	Yeah.
+It becomes an addiction.	Really?
+Look, I can't cry with a faker present.	Candy-stripe a cancer ward.  It's not my problem.
+Candy-stripe a cancer ward.  It's not my problem.	Please.  Can't we do something... ?
+We'll split up the week.  You can have lymphoma, tuberculosis and --	You take tuberculosis.  My smoking doesn't go over at all.
+You take tuberculosis.  My smoking doesn't go over at all.	I think testicular cancer should be no contest.
+I think testicular cancer should be no contest.	Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you.  You still have your balls.
+Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you.  You still have your balls.	You're kidding.
+You're kidding.	I don't know -- am I?
+I'll take the parasites.	You can't have both parasites.  You can take blood parasites --
+You can't have both parasites.  You can take blood parasites --	I want brain parasites.
+I want brain parasites.	Okay.  I'll take blood parasites and organic brain dementia --
+Okay.  I'll take blood parasites and organic brain dementia --	I want that.
+I want that.	You can't have the whole brain!
+You can't have the whole brain!	So far, you have four and I only have two!
+So far, you have four and I only have two!	Then, take blood parasites.  It's yours.  Now we each have three.
+So, we each have three -- that's six. What about the seventh day?  I want ascending bowel cancer.	The girl had done her homework.
+That's your favorite, too?  Tried to slip it by me, eh?	We'll split it.  You get it the first and third Sunday of the month.
+We'll split it.  You get it the first and third Sunday of the month.	Deal.
+Looks like this is goodbye.	Let's not make a big thing out of it.
+Um... Marla, should we maybe exchange numbers?	Should we?
+Should we?	In case we want to switch nights.
+In case we want to switch nights.	I suppose.
+Where have you been the last few weeks?	Marla?
+How did you find me?	The forwarding number.  I haven't seen you at any support groups.
+The forwarding number.  I haven't seen you at any support groups.	That's the idea -- we split them.
+That's the idea -- we split them.	You haven't been going to yours.
+You haven't been going to yours.	I found a new one.
+I found a new one.	Really?
+Really?	It's for men.
+It's for men.	Like testicular cancer?
+Like testicular cancer?	Look, this is a bad time...
+Look, this is a bad time...	I've been going to debtor's anonymous.  You want to see some truly fucked up people?
+I've been going to debtor's anonymous.  You want to see some truly fucked up people?	I'm just on my way out...
+I'm just on my way out...	Me too.  I got a stomach full of Xanax.  I took what was left of a bottle.  Might've been too much.
+Picture yourself watching Marla Singer throw herself around her crummy apartment.	This isn't a for-real suicide thing. This is probably one of those cry-for- help things.
+This isn't a for-real suicide thing. This is probably one of those cry-for- help things.	This could go on for hours.
+This could go on for hours.	So you're staying in tonight?
+So you're staying in tonight?	Do you want to wait to hear me describe death?
+What are you doing here?	What... ?
+What... ?	What the hell are you doing here?
+Except for their humping, Tyler and Marla were never in the same room.	I got this dress at a thrift store for one dollar.
+I got this dress at a thrift store for one dollar.	Worth every penny.
+Like sex crime victims, underwear inside-out, bound with electrical tape.	It suits you.
+It's time for you to leave.	Don't worry, I'm leaving.
+You're such a nutcase, I can't even begin to keep up.	Goodbye.
+What are you talking about?	Would you do something for me?  I need you to check and see if there's a lump in my breast.  I can't afford to throw money away on a doctor.
+Would you do something for me?  I need you to check and see if there's a lump in my breast.  I can't afford to throw money away on a doctor.	I don't know ...
+I don't know ...	Please.
+Please.	She didn't call Tyler.  I'm neutral in her book.
+"This is a sweet side of you.  Picking these up for ...  ""Mrs. Haniver"" and... ""Mrs. Raines."" Where are they?"	Tragically, they're dead.  I'm alive and I'm in poverty.  You want any?
+Tragically, they're dead.  I'm alive and I'm in poverty.  You want any?	No, thanks.
+No, thanks.	Good.
+Where?  Here?	Here.
+Here.	There?
+There?	Here.
+Here.	Here.
+Here.	Feel anything?
+Feel anything?	No.
+Make sure.	Okay.  Okay, I'm sure.
+Okay.  Okay, I'm sure.	You feel nothing?
+You feel nothing?	Nothing.
+Well, that's a relief.  Thank you.	No... no problem.
+No... no problem.	I wish I could return the favor.
+I think everything's okay here.	I could check your prostate.
+I could check your prostate.	Uh ... nah.
+Uh ... nah.	Well... thanks, anyway.
+You... don't have to... leave.	Whatever.
+Whatever.	Really... I mean it.  Have you been going to your groups?
+Really... I mean it.  Have you been going to your groups?	Chloe's dead.
+Chloe's dead.	When?
+When?	Do you care?
+Do you care?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	It was the smart move on her part.
+I don't understand.  Why does a weak person have to go out and find a strong person... to hang onto?	What do you get out of it?
+You hear that?	Hear what?
+Hear what?	That... sawing and hammering.
+That... sawing and hammering.	Have we been talking too long?  Must we change the subject?
+No.	That day you came over to my place to play doctor... what was going on there?
+What is this?  Who did this?	... A person.
+... A person.	Guy or girl?
+Guy or girl?	Why would you ask if it's a guy or a girl?!
+Why would you ask if it's a guy or a girl?!	Why would you get bent if I asked?
+Why would you get bent if I asked?	Let go of me...  Leave me alone.
+Let go of me...  Leave me alone.	You're afraid to say.
+The Paper Street Soap Company.	Can I come in?
+Can I come in?	He's not here.
+He's not here.	What?
+What?	He's not here!  Tyler's not here anymore!  He's gone away!
+Yeah?	Marla, it's me.  Have we... have we ever had sex?
+Marla, it's me.  Have we... have we ever had sex?	What kind of stupid question is that?!
+What kind of stupid question is that?!	"Because the answer's ""yes"" or because the answer's ""no?"""
+"Because the answer's ""yes"" or because the answer's ""no?"""	Is this a trick?
+Is this a trick?	Will you just answer me, for Christsake?!
+Will you just answer me, for Christsake?!	You mean, you want to know if I think we were just having sex or making love?
+You mean, you want to know if I think we were just having sex or making love?	We did make love?
+We did make love?	Is that what you're calling it?
+Is that what you're calling it?	Answer the question!
+Answer the question!	You fuck me, then snub me.  You love me, you hate me.  You show me your sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole!  Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?
+You fuck me, then snub me.  You love me, you hate me.  You show me your sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole!  Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?	We've just lost cabin pressure.
+We've just lost cabin pressure.	What did you say... ?
+What did you say... ?	What is wrong with you?
+What is wrong with you?	Say my name.
+Say my name.	What... ?
+What... ?	Say my name!  What's my name!?
+Say my name!  What's my name!?	Tyler Durden!  Tyler Durden, you fucking freak.  What's going on?  I'm coming over there...
+Tyler Durden!  Tyler Durden, you fucking freak.  What's going on?  I'm coming over there...	Marla, no, wait...
+Marla...	Your whacked-out, bald freaks hit me with a fucking broom.  I thought they were going to break my arm.
+Your whacked-out, bald freaks hit me with a fucking broom.  I thought they were going to break my arm.	I'm sorry, I...
+I'm sorry, I...	The were burning their fingertips with lye.  The stink was unbelievable.
+The were burning their fingertips with lye.  The stink was unbelievable.	Marla... I need to talk to you.  It's going to take a tremendous act of faith on your part for you to hear me out.
+Marla... I need to talk to you.  It's going to take a tremendous act of faith on your part for you to hear me out.	Here comes an avalanche of bullshit.
+I don't want to hear anything you've got to say.	Give me a minute, Marla, alright... just sixty seconds.
+Give me a minute, Marla, alright... just sixty seconds.	Sixty seconds, then I'm out of here.
+Sixty seconds, then I'm out of here.	Absolutely, you have every right.  I need you to do me a favor.
+Absolutely, you have every right.  I need you to do me a favor.	I've done you enough favors.
+Because... I'm Tyler Durden.	Then, I'll have the clam chowder... fried chicken and a baked potato with everything and a chocolate chiffon pie.
+You got about thirty seconds.	I know that I've been... unwell.  I know it's been like there's two sides to me.
+I know that I've been... unwell.  I know it's been like there's two sides to me.	Two sides?  You're Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Jackass.
+Two sides?  You're Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Jackass.	I deserve that.  Anyway, I've... I've only just realized
+I deserve that.  Anyway, I've... I've only just realized	What?
+What?	I mean, the depth and breadth of our relationship has only recently been illuminated for me.  I know this... I know us hasn't been such a great thing for you...
+I mean, the depth and breadth of our relationship has only recently been illuminated for me.  I know this... I know us hasn't been such a great thing for you...	Whatever.  I'll take my food to go...
+I'm trying to tell you -- and this is where you have to trust me -- but, I think your life might be in real danger.	What?
+What?	You have to get out of here.  Leave as soon as possible.  Go to any rural town, away from any major city...
+You have to get out of here.  Leave as soon as possible.  Go to any rural town, away from any major city...	You are an insane person.
+You are an insane person.	Marla...
+Marla...	No, no, shut up!  I've had enough. I tried, Tyler... I have tried...
+There's a part of you I really like, but I can't do this anymore.  I just can't.  This is killing me...	I'm sorry, but I...
+I'm sorry, but I...	What?!  You're sorry?  I don't believe that for a minute.
+Let go of me!	Do this for me, Marla.  Do this for me, if you never do anything else...
+Leave me alone!  I don't ever want to see you again!	Okay, if that's what it takes, you'll never have to see me again.  Here... here...
+Tyler...	I'm begging you.  Get on the bus. Get on the bus.
+Why are you doing this?	I can't let myself see where you're going.  Go wherever it takes you, remember... keep away from major cities...
+"I'm not paying this back.  I consider it ""asshole tax."""	Yes, fine.  Just, get on.  Stay away a couple of weeks, at least.
+What happened... ?	Don't ask.
+My God, you're shot...	Yes.
+Who did this to you?	I did, I think.  But, I'm okay... I'm fine...
+Hello?	Who's this?
+Who's this?	Tyler?
+Tyler?	Who's this?
+Who's this?	Uh... I'm sorry.  We met on the plane.  We had the same briefcase. I'm... you know, the clever guy.
+Uh... I'm sorry.  We met on the plane.  We had the same briefcase. I'm... you know, the clever guy.	Oh, yeah.
+Oh, yeah.	I just called a second ago.  There was no answer.  I'm at a payphone.
+I just called a second ago.  There was no answer.  I'm at a payphone.	I star-sixty-nined you.  I never pick up my phone.  What's up?
+I star-sixty-nined you.  I never pick up my phone.  What's up?	Well... let me see... here's the thing...
+... and you come home to this.	You fucking slut!!
+How have you been?	... You know me?
+... You know me?	Is this a test, sir?
+Is this a test, sir?	Yes... it's a test.
+Yes... it's a test.	You were in here last Thursday night.
+You were in here last Thursday night.	What?
+What?	You were standing right where you are now, asking how good our security is. It's tight as a drum.
+You were standing right where you are now, asking how good our security is. It's tight as a drum.	Who do you think I am?
+Who do you think I am?	Is this part of the test?
+You're the one who did this to me. You're Mr. Durden, sir.  Tyler Durden.	Please return your seatbacks to their full upright and locked position.
+Throwers don't worry about ticking. Modern bombs don't tick.	"Excuse me?  ""Throwers?"""
+"Excuse me?  ""Throwers?"""	Baggage handlers.  But when a suitcase vibrates, the throwers have to call the police.
+Baggage handlers.  But when a suitcase vibrates, the throwers have to call the police.	My suitcase was vibrating?
+My suitcase was vibrating?	"Nine time out of ten, it's an electric razor.  But, every once in a while ...  ...it's a dildo.  It's airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo.  We use the indefinite aricle: ""A dildo.""  Never ""Your dildo."""
+I had everything in that bag.  My C.K. shirts... my D.K.N.Y. shoes...	Yeah, uh huh... yeah?  Oh...
+Tonight, we're going to open the green door -- the heart chakra...	I wasn't really dying, I wasn't host to cancer or parasites; I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around.
+I wasn't really dying, I wasn't host to cancer or parasites; I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around.	...And you open the door and you step inside.  We're inside our hearts.  Now, imaging your pain as a white ball of healing light.  That's right, the pain itself is a ball of healing light.
+"-- But, in here, in everyone, there's the squint of a five-day headache. Yet they forced themselves to be positive.  They never said ""parasite;"" they said ""agent.""  They always talked about getting better."	Okay, everyone.
+If I did have a tumor, I'd name it Marla.  Marla...the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't.	Now, find your power animal.
+Tell the other person how you feel.	You're a tourist.  I saw you at melanoma, tuberculosis and testicular cancer.
+One minute.  This is the beginning.  We're at ground zero.  Maybe you should say a few words, to mark the occasion.	... i... ann....iinn.. ff....nnyin...
+It's getting exciting now.	That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both way.
+We have front row seats for this Theater of Mass Destruction.  The Demolitions Committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the foundation columns of ten buildings with blasting gelatin.  In two minutes, primary charges will blow base charges, and those buildings will be reduced to smoldering rubble.  I know this because Tyler knows this.	Look what we've accomplised.  Thirty seconds.
+Look what we've accomplised.  Thirty seconds.	Somehow, I realize all of this -- the gun, the bombs, the revolution -- is really about Marla Singer.
+Two, equal parts gasoline and diet cola.  Three, dissolve kitty-litter in gasoline until the mixture is thick.	Pardon me?
+This is how I met --	Tyler Durden.
+You know why they have oxygen masks on planes?	No, supply oxygen?
+No, supply oxygen?	Oxygen gets you high.  In a catastrophic emergency, we're taking giant, panicked breaths...
+What do you do, Tyler?	What do you want me to do?
+What do you want me to do?	I mean -- for a living.
+I mean -- for a living.	"Why?  So you can say, ""Oh, that's what you do."" -- And be a smug little shit about it?"
+You see, when you travel, everything is small, self-contained--	The spork.  I get it.  You're very clever.
+The spork.  I get it.  You're very clever.	Thank you.
+Thank you.	How's that working out for you?
+How's that working out for you?	What?
+What?	Being clever.
+Being clever.	Well, uh... great.
+Well, uh... great.	Keep it up, then.  Keep it right up.
+You buy furniture.  You tell yourself: this is the last sofa I'll ever need.  No matter what else happens, I've got the sofa issue handled.  Then, the right set of dishes.  The right dinette.	This is how we fill up our lives.
+I guess so.	And, now it's gone.
+And, now it's gone.	All gone.
+Could be worse.  A woman could cut off your penis while you're asleep and toss it out the window of a moving car.	There's always that.
+There's always that.	I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe it's a terrible tragedy.
+I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe it's a terrible tragedy.	...no ...no ...
+...no ...no ...	I mean, you did lose a lot of nice, neat little shit.  The trendy paper lamps, the Euro-trash shelving unit, am I right?
+But maybe, just maybe, you've been delivered.	Delivered from Swedish furniture.
+Delivered from Swedish furniture.	Delivered from armchairs in obscure green stripe patterns.
+Delivered from armchairs in obscure green stripe patterns.	Delivered from Martha Stewart.
+Delivered from Martha Stewart.	"Delivered from bullshit colors like ""Cobalt,"" ""Ebony,"" and ""Fuchsia."""
+Insurance'll cover it.	Oh, yeah, you gotta start making the list.
+Oh, yeah, you gotta start making the list.	What list?
+What list?	"The ""now I get to go out and buy the exact same stuff all over again"" list.  That list."
+"The ""now I get to go out and buy the exact same stuff all over again"" list.  That list."	I don't... think so.
+I don't... think so.	This time maybe get a widescreen TV. You'll be occupied for weeks.
+This time maybe get a widescreen TV. You'll be occupied for weeks.	Well, I have to file a claim...
+Well, I have to file a claim...	The things you own, they end up owning you.
+The things you own, they end up owning you.	Don't I?
+Don't I?	Do what you like.
+Do what you like.	God, it's late.  I should find a hotel...
+God, it's late.  I should find a hotel...	A hotel?
+A hotel?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	So, you called me up, because you just wanted to have a drink before you... go find a hotel?
+So, you called me up, because you just wanted to have a drink before you... go find a hotel?	I don't follow...
+I don't follow...	We're on our third pitcher of beer. Just ask me.
+We're on our third pitcher of beer. Just ask me.	Huh?
+Huh?	You called me so you could have a place to stay.
+You called me so you could have a place to stay.	No, I...
+No, I...	Why don't you cut the shit and ask if you can stay at my place?
+Why don't you cut the shit and ask if you can stay at my place?	Would that be a problem?
+Would that be a problem?	Is it a problem for you to ask?
+Is it a problem for you to ask?	Can I stay at your place?
+Can I stay at your place?	Yes, you can.
+Yes, you can.	Thank you.
+Thank you.	You're welcome.  But, I want you to do me one favor.
+You're welcome.  But, I want you to do me one favor.	What's that?
+What's that?	I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
+I want you to hit me as hard as you can.	What?
+What?	I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
+"They're called ""cigarette burns."""	"It's called a ""changeover.""  The movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea."
+"It's called a ""changeover.""  The movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea."	Why would anyone want this shitty job?
+Why would anyone want this shitty job?	It affords him other interesting opportunities.
+It affords him other interesting opportunities.	-- Like splicing single frames from adult movies into family films.
+-- Like splicing single frames from adult movies into family films.	In reel three, right after the courageous dog and the snooty cag -- who have celebrity voices -- eat out of a garbage can, there's the flash of Tyler's contribution...
+One-forty-eighth of a second.  That's how long it's up there.	No one really knows that they've seen it. But they did.
+No one really knows that they've seen it. But they did.	A nice, big cock.
+A nice, big cock.	Only a hummingbird could have caught Tyler at work.
+He was the guerrilla terrorist of the food service industry.	Don't watch.  I can't if you watch.
+... Oh, yeah.  Oh, yeah.	He farted on meringue; he sneezed on braised endive; and, with creme of mushroom soup, well...
+He farted on meringue; he sneezed on braised endive; and, with creme of mushroom soup, well...	Go ahead.  Say it.
+Go ahead.  Say it.	You get the idea.
+I don't know about this.	I don't know, either.  I want to find out.  I've never been hit, have you?
+I don't know, either.  I want to find out.  I've never been hit, have you?	No.  That's a good thing, isn't it?
+No.  That's a good thing, isn't it?	I don't want to die without any scars.  How much can you really know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?  Come on... you're the only person I've ever asked.
+I don't want to die without any scars.  How much can you really know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?  Come on... you're the only person I've ever asked.	Me?
+Why not you?  I'm letting you go first.  Do it.	This is crazy.
+This is crazy.	Alright, go crazy.  Let 'er rip.
+Alright, go crazy.  Let 'er rip.	Where do you want it?  In the face?
+Where do you want it?  In the face?	Surprise me.
+Shit.  Sorry.  That didn't count.	Like hell.  That counted.
+How do you feel?	Strange.
+Strange.	But a good strange.
+But a good strange.	Is it?
+Is it?	We've crossed the threshold.  You want to call it off?
+We've crossed the threshold.  You want to call it off?	Call what off?
+Call what off?	The fight.
+The fight.	What fight?
+What fight?	This fight, pussy.
+If you could fight anyone... one on one, whoever you wanted, who would you fight?	Anyone?
+Anyone?	Anyone.
+My boss, probably.  Who would you fight?	My dad.  No question.
+Oh, yeah.  I didn't know my dad.  Well, I knew him, till I was six.  He went and married another woman, had more kids. Every six years or so he'd do it again -- new city, new family.	He was setting up franchises.  My father never went to college, so it was really important that I go.
+He was setting up franchises.  My father never went to college, so it was really important that I go.	I know that.
+I know that.	"After I graduated, I called him long distance and asked, ""Now what?""  He said, ""Get a job.""  When I turned twenty-five, I called him and asked, ""Now what?""  He said, ""I don't know. Get married."""
+"After I graduated, I called him long distance and asked, ""Now what?""  He said, ""Get a job.""  When I turned twenty-five, I called him and asked, ""Now what?""  He said, ""I don't know. Get married."""	Same here.
+Same here.	A generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is the answer we really need.
+Where's your car?	What car?
+What car?	I don't know how Tyler found the house, but he'd been there for half a year.
+The previous occupant had been a bit of a shut-in.	Hum.
+Hum.	What?
+What?	"Oh, a new riot control grenade...  ""...the successful combination of concussive, 3000 foot-candle flash- blasts and simultaneous high-velocity disbursement of...blah, blah, blah..."""
+"""I am Joe's Lungs.""  It's written in first person.  ""Without me, Joe could not take in oxygen to feed his red blood cells.""  There's a whole series -- ""I am Joe's Prostate."""	"""I get cancer, and I kill Joe."""
+What are you reading?	Soldier of Fortune.  Business Week. New Republic.
+Soldier of Fortune.  Business Week. New Republic.	Show-off.
+A guy came to fight club for the first time, his ass was a wad of cookie dough.  After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.	If you could fight any celebrity?
+If you could fight any celebrity?	Alive or dead?
+Alive or dead?	Doesn't matter.
+Doesn't matter.	Hemingway.  You?
+Hemingway.  You?	Shatner.  William Shatner.
+Fight club became the reason to cut your hair short and trim your fingernails.	Any historical figure.
+Any historical figure.	Okay... Ghandi.
+Okay... Ghandi.	Good answer.
+Good answer.	You?
+You?	Abe Lincoln.  Big reach.  Skinny guys fight till they're burger.
+Unbelievable, huh?	He was obviously able to handle it.
+I mean, this girl... uh, you're not into her or anything... ?	No.  Not at all.
+You're sure?	Yeah, I'm sure.
+Yeah, I'm sure.	Good.  This chick was up on the table with her legs in the stirrups before the doctor even walked in the room. The things that she said... I've never heard a woman talk like that...
+You're okay with this?	I'm fine.
+She is a wild, twisted bitch.  Stay away from that one.	Oh, and my pace is more librarians.
+Oh, and my pace is more librarians.	Hey... don't knock librarians.
+Hey... don't knock librarians.	Marla doesn't need a lover.  She needs a case worker.
+Marla doesn't need a lover.  She needs a case worker.	She needs an exorcist.  This isn't love.  This is sport-fucking.
+She needs an exorcist.  This isn't love.  This is sport-fucking.	She'd invaded my support groups, now she's invading my home.
+She'd invaded my support groups, now she's invading my home.	Listen... do me a favor... sit here a minute...
+What?	You've gotta understand something about me.  I have a little rule, okay?  Don't ever talk to her about me.  Ever.  I can't stand that kind of shit.
+If you ever say anything about me or about what happens here in this house, to her or anyone -- I will find out.  And you'll never see me again.  Promise me.	Okay.
+Okay.	Promise you won't.
+Promise you won't.	Yes, I promise.
+Yes, I promise.	Promise?
+Promise?	I said I promise!
+I said I promise!	That was three times you promised.
+You want to finish her off?	Uh... nah...
+Huh?	"""The liberator who destroyed my property has re-aligned my paradigm of perception."""
+"""The liberator who destroyed my property has re-aligned my paradigm of perception."""	Shhhhhh!  I don't know what to make of this, sir, I really don't...
+You get rid of her.	Don't mention me.
+What is this place?	A liposuction clinic.
+As the fat renders, the tallow floats to the surface.  Remember the crap they taught you in Boy Scouts.	Hard to imagine you in Boy Scouts.
+Hard to imagine you in Boy Scouts.	This clear layer in glycerin.  We'll mix it back in when we make the soap.
+Tyler's kiss was a bonfire on the back of my hand.	Look at your hand.
+Look at your hand.	Guided meditation worked for cancer, it could work for this.
+Stop it.  This is your pain -- your burning hand.  It's right here.  Look at it.	I was going to my cave to find my power animal.
+I... I think I understand.  I think I get it...	No, what you're feeling is premature enlightenment.
+This is the greatest moment of your life and you're off somewhere, missing it.	No, I'm not...
+No, I'm not...	Shut up.  Our fathers were our models for God.  And, if our fathers bailed, what does that tell us about God?
+Shut up.  Our fathers were our models for God.  And, if our fathers bailed, what does that tell us about God?	I don't know...
+Listen to me.  You have to consider the possibility that God doesn't like you, he never wanted you.  In all probability, He hates you.  This is not the worst thing that can happen...	It isn't... ?
+It isn't... ?	We don't need him...
+We don't need him...	We don't... ?
+... Marla ... ?	Fuck damnation.  Fuck redemption.  We are God's unwanted children, with no special place and no special attention, and so be it.
+No thanks, I quit.	You quit?
+You quit?	Yeah.  Where you headed?
+Yeah.  Where you headed?	Work.  Going to work.
+What... ?	Nothing.  Do what you like.
+Six months advance pay.  Six months!	Fucking sweet.
+Fucking sweet.	Okay, and... and...
+There's fight club in Delaware City.	I heard.  Local 15, Monday nights.
+Local 8 just started in Penns Grove. And, Bob said he was at fight club in Newcastle last week.	Newcastle?  Did you start that one?
+Newcastle?  Did you start that one?	I thought you did.
+What are we doing?	Homework assignment.
+Homework assignment.	What is it?
+Tyler...	An expired community college student ID card.  What did you used to study, Raymond K. Hessel?
+I asked you what you studied.	Tell him!
+I feel sick.	Imagine how he feels.
+Hey.	Hey.
+Where did you go, Psycho-Boy?	I felt like destroying something beautiful.
+Something on your mind?	No.
+"Why wasn't I told about ""Project Mayhem?"""	What should I have told you?
+What should I have told you?	Why wasn't I involved from the beginning?  You and I started fight club together.
+Why wasn't I involved from the beginning?  You and I started fight club together.	Fight club was the beginning.  Now it's out of the basements and there's a name for it -- Project Mayhem.
+Is this a needlepoint club?  Is it about you and me?	You know what I mean.
+You know what I mean.	What do you want?  A statement of purpose... ?
+What do you want?  A statement of purpose... ?	Look...
+Look...	"Should I E-mail you?  Should I put this on your ""action item list?"""
+"Should I E-mail you?  Should I put this on your ""action item list?"""	I want to know --
+I want to know --	What do you want to know about Project Mayhem?
+This does not belong to us.  We are not the leaders.  We are not special.	What are you doing?!
+What are you doing?!	We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.  We are all part of the same compost heap...
+We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.  We are all part of the same compost heap...	Tyler...
+What the hell ... ?!	You choose your level of involvement. I won't make decisions for you.
+You choose your level of involvement. I won't make decisions for you.	I'm not asking you to.
+I'm not asking you to.	You're asking questions that don't have answers.  You know just as much about Project Mayhem as anybody else.
+You're asking questions that don't have answers.  You know just as much about Project Mayhem as anybody else.	I don't think that's true.
+I don't know!  Nothing!	If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?
+If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?	I would feel nothing about my life? Is that what you want to hear?!
+I want to hear the truth.	Fuck my life.  Fuck fight club.  Fuck you and fuck Marla.  I'm sick of this.  How's that?
+Fuck my life.  Fuck fight club.  Fuck you and fuck Marla.  I'm sick of this.  How's that?	Why do you think I blew up your condo?
+Why do you think I blew up your condo?	What?
+What?	Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat!  It's not a seminar!  You have to forget everything you know, everything you think you know -- about life, about friendship, about you and me.
+What are you talking about?	Nothing.
+This conversation...	... is over.
+... is over.	... is over.
+You're too young.  Sorry.	Wait a minute...
+"""Too young?"""	If the applicant is young, we tell him he's too young.  Old, too old. Fat, too fat.
+If the applicant is young, we tell him he's too young.  Old, too old. Fat, too fat.	"""Applicant?"""
+"""Applicant?"""	If the applicant waits at the door for three days without food, shelter or encouragement, then he can enter and begin training.
+If the applicant waits at the door for three days without food, shelter or encouragement, then he can enter and begin training.	"""Training?""  Tyler..."
+Four in Milwaukee.	What's this all about, Tyler?
+What's this all about, Tyler?	And, we're definitely filling a void in the rural South.
+And, we're definitely filling a void in the rural South.	Why do people think I'm you?
+Why do people think I'm you?	You broke your promise.  You talked to her about me.
+You broke your promise.  You talked to her about me.	Why do people think I'm Tyler Durden?
+Why do people think I'm Tyler Durden?	Why did you do that?
+Why did you do that?	Answer me, Tyler.
+Answer me, Tyler.	Why do people think anything?
+Why do people think anything?	I don't know!  Tell me!
+People think that you're me, because you and I happen to share the same body.	What... ?
+What... ?	Is this really news to you?
+Is this really news to you?	What are you talking about... ?
+What are you talking about... ?	Sometimes I control it, and you imagine yourself watching me...
+The first rule of fight club is -- you don't talk about fight club.	And, sometimes you control it...
+He's not here!  Tyler's not here anymore!  He's gone away!	You can see me and hear me, but no one else can...
+Oh, yeah.  I didn't really know my Dad...	But, when you fall asleep, I do things without you...
+There!  Happy?  I asked for one thing from you... one simple promise.  Now look what you've done!	This isn't possible...
+This isn't possible...	We're going to have to do something about Marla...
+We're going to have to do something about Marla...	What... what are you saying?
+What... what are you saying?	It's okay.  We okay... a little codependent, sure, but...
+No!  This isn't true.  We... we were around other people, together, both of us...	You never talked to me in front of anyone else.
+You never talked to me in front of anyone else.	Wrong, wrong -- what about the car crash... the two guys in the backseat?
+Wrong, wrong -- what about the car crash... the two guys in the backseat?	What about them?  They're lunatics.
+What about them?  They're lunatics.	You took me to the house.
+You took me to the house.	The house is rented in your name.
+The house is rented in your name.	You have jobs.
+You have jobs.	Night jobs -- while you were sleeping.
+Night jobs -- while you were sleeping.	What about Marla?
+What about Marla?	What about Marla?
+What about Marla?	She's... you... you're fucking her.
+She's... you... you're fucking her.	Um, well... technically, no.
+You could be standing under 37 stories of steel and concrete with a 150 gallons of nitroglycerin strapped to the support... oh, maybe it couldn't be...	You... you can't be serious about this.
+You... you can't be serious about this.	What a ridiculous thing to say.
+What a ridiculous thing to say.	I can't let you...
+I can't let you...	...go through with this? What are you going to do?
+...go through with this? What are you going to do?	I'm going to...
+I'm going to...	...stop me?
+...stop me?	I'm not going...
+I'm not going...	...to let this happen!
+...to let this happen!	Stop finishing...
+Stop finishing...	...your sentences!  They're our sentences.  Get your mind around that.
+What are you doing running through the streets in your underpants?  We both use that body.	Since when is Project Mayhem about murder?
+Since when is Project Mayhem about murder?	The buildings were evacuated thirty minutes ago.  Everything's proceeding exactly as planned.
+The buildings were evacuated thirty minutes ago.  Everything's proceeding exactly as planned.	You don't know that.  There could still be people inside.
+I wouldn't be doing that.  Unless you know which wires, in what order...	If you know, I know.
+If I'm wrong, we're both dead..	This is not about martyrdom.
+I'm pulling the green wire.	Green?  Did you say green?
+Yes...	Don't pull the green wire.  Pull anything but the green wire.
+Don't pull the green wire.  Pull anything but the green wire.	Fuck you.
+Fuck you.	I'm serious.  That's the wrong one.
+I've got everything.  The bombs.  The army.  I've got Marla.	Bob is dead, Tyler.  The police blew a hole in his head.  Was that part of your plan?
+"Bob was a grown man.  In any great struggle, there will be casualties. Wouldn't that be implicit in the name?  Project ""Mayhem."""	Fuck your struggle.  I want out.
+Fuck your struggle.  I want out.	You want out?
+You want out?	I quit.
+I quit.	Not an option, for the most obvious of reasons.  You need to get with the program.  Seven minutes.  Let's get out of here.
+Tyler...	What?
+What?	Defuse the bomb.
+Ask me nicely.	Defuse the bomb, please.
+Defuse the bomb, please.	Defuse the bomb?
+Defuse the bomb?	Yes.
+One minute.	I think this is about where we came in.
+I think this is about where we came in.	This is the beginning.  We're at ground zero.  Maybe you should say a few words, to mark the occasion.
+This is the beginning.  We're at ground zero.  Maybe you should say a few words, to mark the occasion.	i... ann....iinn.. ff....nnyin...
+Can't you call it off... ?	It's out of our hands.  This is it.
+It's out of our hands.  This is it.	Please...
+Please...	Fifteen seconds now.  Can you see alright?  10... 9... 8....
+What the fuck -- ?	Paraffin.
+Paraffin.	What?
+What?	Paraffin.  Your merry band mixed the nitro with paraffin.  I saw it floating in the bomb.
+Damn it!  God-damn it...	Not exactly according to plan.
+Not exactly according to plan.	Do we have to do everything ourselves?!
+NO...	Proceed with remote detonation.
+How'd you do that?!  You're a fucking figment of my imagination... you're psychogenic fugue state...	Fuck that, maybe you're my hallucination.
+Why... why... why... ?	Why what?
+Why what?	Why can't I get rid of you?  Why can't I just wish you away?
+Why can't I get rid of you?  Why can't I just wish you away?	You need me.
+You need me.	No, no, I don't.  I thank you, I really do.  Thank you, but I don't need you anymore.
+No, no, I don't.  I thank you, I really do.  Thank you, but I don't need you anymore.	Look, I can be selfish, I know that.  I'm not blind to my own failings...
+Look, I can be selfish, I know that.  I'm not blind to my own failings...	Noooo, please...
+From now on, we'll share Marla. We've been spending too much time apart...	... no, no, no...
+... no, no, no...	No more running off without you. From here on out, we do it together.
+No more running off without you. From here on out, we do it together.	Why are you doing this?!
+Why are you doing this?!	I'm doing this for us.
+I'm doing this for us.	Please understand... I've gotten all I can from this, Tyler.
+Please understand... I've gotten all I can from this, Tyler.	If I leave, you will be right back where I found you...
+If I leave, you will be right back where I found you...	I swear on my life, I won't...
+I swear on my life, I won't...	You will.  You know you will.
+What are you doing?	What have you left for me?
+What have you left for me?	Why do you want to do that? Why do you want to put that gun in your mouth?
+Why do you want to do that? Why do you want to put that gun in your mouth?	Not my mouth.  Our mouth.
+Why are you going with this, Ikea- boy?	It's the only way to get rid of you...
+Do something for me.	What?
+What?	Appreciate something.
+Appreciate something.	What?
+What?	Look at me...
+Look at me...	What?
+What?	My eyes are open.
+Who is this?	Maintenance.
+Maintenance.	Listen, something is going to happen, something terrible...
+Listen, something is going to happen, something terrible...	Very good, Sir.
+Very good, Sir.	Excuse me?
+Excuse me?	Don't worry about us, sir.  We're solid.
+Don't worry about us, sir.  We're solid.	Now wait, there's been a mix-up. Everything's changed...
+Now wait, there's been a mix-up. Everything's changed...	You told me you'd say that.
+You told me you'd say that.	Abort the plan.
+Abort the plan.	You told me you'd say that, too.
+You told me you'd say that, too.	Did I tell you I'd call you a fascist dickhead?!
+Did I tell you I'd call you a fascist dickhead?!	Well, sir, you said you might.
+It's what he would have wanted, sir.	What he wanted?  Look... look at him. Look at him!  What does he want?  This is a person.  This is not a cog in your machine...
+What he wanted?  Look... look at him. Look at him!  What does he want?  This is a person.  This is not a cog in your machine...	But, this is Project Mayhem.
+But, this is Project Mayhem.	No, no.  This is a man -- this man has a name...
+No, no.  This is a man -- this man has a name...	But, in Project Mayhem, we have no names.
+But, in Project Mayhem, we have no names.	No!  Wrong!  This man's name is Robert Paulson.
+No!  Wrong!  This man's name is Robert Paulson.	Robert Paulson?
+Robert Paulson?	Robert Paulson is dead.  He's dead, because of you...
+His name is Robert Paulson!	No!
+Who told you motherfuckers you could use my place?	We have a deal worked out with Irvine.
+We have a deal worked out with Irvine.	Irvine?  Irvine's at home with a broken collarbone.
+He don't own this place, I do.  How much money's he getting for this?	There is no money.
+There is no money.	Really?
+Really?	It's free to all.
+It's free to all.	Ain't that something?
+Ain't that something?	Yes, it is.
+Yes, it is.	Look, stupid fuck, I want everyone outta here now!
+Look, stupid fuck, I want everyone outta here now!	You're welcome to join our club.
+You're welcome to join our club.	Did you hear what I just said?!
+Did you hear what I just said?!	You and your friend.
+What are you doing?!	Pleeeeeease!
+Pleeeeeease!	Okay!  Okay, fuck it!  Use the basement!  Get off me!
+Okay!  Okay, fuck it!  Use the basement!  Get off me!	We need some towels, Lou.  We need replacement light bulbs.
+We need some towels, Lou.  We need replacement light bulbs.	Alright, Christ!  Fucking let me go!
+Alright, Christ!  Fucking let me go!	Thank you.  Thank you, sir...
+Thank you.  Thank you, sir...	Let go of me!!
+Raymond K. Hessel. 1320 SE Benning, apartment A.  A small, cramped basement apartment.	How'd you know?
+How'd you know?	They give basement apartments letters instead of numbers.  Raymond, you're going to die.
+Is this a picture of Mom and Dad?	Yesssss...
+Yesssss...	Your mom and dad will have to call kindly doctor so-and-so to dig up your dental records, because there won't be much left of your face.
+Your mom and dad will have to call kindly doctor so-and-so to dig up your dental records, because there won't be much left of your face.	Please, God, no...
+S-S-Stuff.	"""Stuff.""  Were the mid-terms hard?"
+Biology, mostly.	Why?
+Why?	I... I don't know...
+I... I don't know...	What did you want to be, Raymond K. Hessel?
+Animals.	Yeah ... animals and s-s-s ---
+Yeah ... animals and s-s-s ---	Stuff.  That means you have to get more schooling.
+Stuff.  That means you have to get more schooling.	Too much school.
+Would you rather be dead?	No, please, no, God, no!
+Kimberly Burroughs, eh?  What do you want?	I thought...I thought you might be able to help me.
+I thought...I thought you might be able to help me.	Yeah, how?
+Yeah, how?	I had a premonition about the Route 18 pile up... I saved some people. And now I think Death is after me.
+I had a premonition about the Route 18 pile up... I saved some people. And now I think Death is after me.	Nice work.  Maybe if you're real lucky, you'll wind up in here with me.  But I doubt you'll survive that long.
+It's not just about me.  Someone I saved died last night in a freak accident.  What if the others are in danger, too?	Well, if you put them on the list, they're already tits up.
+Well, if you put them on the list, they're already tits up.	What list?
+What list?	Death's list.  The precise order you're going to die in.
+The survivors of Flight 180 died in the exact order they were originally meant to die in the plane crash. That was Death's original design.	Exact order?  Then I'm next!  I was meant to die with my friends, so I'm next!
+Officer Burke pulled me away from the crash that killed my friends.	Congratufuckinglations.  That makes you last to go.  But don't worry, once the others are dead, it'll come back for you.  Always does.
+Congratufuckinglations.  That makes you last to go.  But don't worry, once the others are dead, it'll come back for you.  Always does.	That still doesn't make sense.  You said you die in the same order you were originally meant to.  But Evan Shaeffer died last in my premonition, not first.
+That's good.  Get all your tears out now, you'll need your eyes.  For the signs.	Signs?
+Signs?	If you have the same power as Alex, you'll be seeing signs soon.  When you see anything creepy or ominous, an in-your-face irony kinda thing? Don't ignore it.  It usually means the difference between life and death.
+If you have the same power as Alex, you'll be seeing signs soon.  When you see anything creepy or ominous, an in-your-face irony kinda thing? Don't ignore it.  It usually means the difference between life and death.	The songs on the radio.  But wait.  I don't understand.  Why is this even happening to me?
+The songs on the radio.  But wait.  I don't understand.  Why is this even happening to me?	That's what Alex used to ask himself right up until...
+I didn't beat it; I hid from it. If you were smart you'd put a down payment on a burial plot and say goodbye to the dog, because what little life you have left is over as you know it.  Don't make new friends, don't fall in love, and don't ever bother trying to save others.  That's the worst killer of them all.	How can you say that?  What kind of monster are you?
+The second one just dies.  A 16 year old kid.	I hope you're ready for this.
+You have to tell us now.	I...I...
+I was driving a white van.  It must've gone out of control because it crashed into a lake and I drowned.  It was...horrible.	You were there?
+You were there?	I can practically taste the water in my throat.  And something else.  The smell of flowers...
+I can practically taste the water in my throat.  And something else.  The smell of flowers...	Then it wasn't just a sign. It was a premonition?
+Please, what else could it mean?	So if you give us the pregnant lady's number, we can warn her about the lake and she'll live long enough to have the baby.
+So if you give us the pregnant lady's number, we can warn her about the lake and she'll live long enough to have the baby.	So let's do it.
+What about that?	How you doing in there, hero?
+What are you doing?  You're going to kill us!	No.  If anyone dies from a crash now, it'll be me.  But I can't die if Eugene and Isabella are still alive.  I'm last on Death's list.
+No.  If anyone dies from a crash now, it'll be me.  But I can't die if Eugene and Isabella are still alive.  I'm last on Death's list.	Are you crazy?  What makes you think you'd survive?
+Are you crazy?  What makes you think you'd survive?	What happened when Eugene tried to kill himself out of turn?
+What happened when Eugene tried to kill himself out of turn?	Six duds in a row.
+Six duds in a row.	And when it was Rory's turn to die, and Thomas was in the way?
+This makes no sense.  Isabella was supposed to crash her van into a lake.  Could we have altered her destiny when we had her arrested?	I don't think so.  Alex's premonitions happened exactly as he saw them no matter how much we tried to change it.
+What did you see?  What am I looking for?	No, it's not here.  This one was different.  More like the pile up and the van going into the lake.
+Another premonition?	Yes.  I was in a hospital.  There was screaming... A nurse was choking me.  I couldn't tell what she looked like, but the name tag was right in my face.  Kalarjian.
+What do you want me to do?	Speed up.
+Speed up.	Yeah, fuck 'em.  No offense.
+What did you see?	I was dead.  And came back to life. An EEG machine.  Where's Eugene?
+No!  It can't be.	I have to save Eugene!
+A mortician.  He seemed to know a hell of a lot more about death than he ever told us.	Should we knock?
+Should we knock?	He probably already knows we're coming.
+Remember the onramp?  There was a pregnant woman in a white delivery van.	"Holy shit.  He said ""only new life can defeat death.""  If she gives birth to a baby that was never meant to be born, a brand new soul that was never part of Death's Design..."
+Make sure all these people will be at the meeting tonight.	Taken care of.
+Here we go.  The vehicle's a delivery van registered to Jorge and Isabella Cruz.  And Christ, there's almost a dozen domestic disturbance complaints on these two.	We need to hurry.
+Then the only way to survive is to get to the hospital and protect Eugene and Isabella for as long as we can.	If only Alex and I had done that with the others, Alex might still be...
+A guard grabbed me before I could find Eugene.	Don't sweat it.  It's over.
+Don't sweat it.  It's over.	She had the baby?
+Jury duty?  That's randomly selected by social security numbers.	Random, sure.
+Random, sure.	What, you think Death planned for each of us to die in the pile up weeks ago?  You're nuts.
+Um, Clear?  I'm sorry...about before. I...	Your entire world view just went out the window.  I couldn't expect a religious conversation overnight. We'll get through this.  I promise.
+I'm not sure I understand.	Being alive after our time caused an outward ripple - a rift in Death's design.
+So if you never got off the plane, none of us would be alive in the first place.	That's why Death is working backwards. It's tying up all the loose ends, sealing the rift once and for all This chapter of the screenplay contains scene that do not appear or occur elsewhere in the final movie. In order to maintain the integrity of the screenplay, it has not been edited.
+The only reason he was on Route 18 was because he own the lottery and had to collect the winnings.	That lucky bastard.
+That lucky bastard.	What about the rest of you?  Kimberly, you were driving to Daytona.  Was Route 18 your first choice?
+I had tickets to go, but one day I'm in Paris, trippin' on acid, sippin' lattes an' such, and this dude gets whacked by a falling sign.	Carter.
+Carter.	Freaked me out so bad I hid in a shopping cart for four hours. 'Course, missed the show...
+Freaked me out so bad I hid in a shopping cart for four hours. 'Course, missed the show...	What about you, Kimberly?  Did you anyone from Flight-?
+Dano, shouldn't we go back and help your mother?	Blow me.
+Calm down, Kimmy.  It's not drugs, just weed.	Yeah, you should have specified.
+A Trans Am.  That shit went out with New Kids on the Block.	Yeah.  Who does he think he is? Knight Rider?
+Yeah.  Who does he think he is? Knight Rider?	Who?
+Dano, shouldn't we stop and help your mother?	Blow me.  Yellow means go, Kimberly.
+Dano, shouldn't we stop and help your mother?	Blow me.  Yellow means go, Kimmy.
+Tell me you didn't start up on that Flight 180 shit again.  Did you?	Of course not.  That would be irresponsible and unprofessional.
+Look, you weren't there.  It was weird.  She knew that log truck was gonna cause an accident, she knew.  Never mind.	I thought we were finished with this bullshit.  This is police work, not the psychic Hot Line.
+You've made your point.	Good.  Cause we just got some new info and I don't need you getting freaky on me.
+Good.  Cause we just got some new info and I don't need you getting freaky on me.	What?
+What?	Evan Shaeffer's dead.  Guess he wasn't as lucky as we thought.
+"What do you mean ""grand theft auto?"" This is insane."	Hopefully the district judge can straighten it all out by Monday morning.
+Hopefully the district judge can straighten it all out by Monday morning.	Jorge.  When I get out of here I'm going to sue his cheating ass off.
+Damn, they always stick me with the clunker.	Take my van!
+Please.  It's not going to wait.	I've got to stop and help those people.
+I've got to stop and help those people.	Do you want to deliver this baby?
+What?	I'm Officer Burke.  I'm looking for an Isabella Cruz.
+Are you Jorge Cruz?	Maybe.  What's this about?
+Maybe.  What's this about?	May we come in?
+May we come in?	No.  What's this about?
+We had a fight.  Some things got broken, the dog went crazy, she left me.  Wouldn't say where she was going.	What was the fight about?
+What was the fight about?	Take a guess.
+Take a guess.	Does she have a cell phone?  A way we can contact her?
+Does she have a cell phone?  A way we can contact her?	She did.
+First I'm stuck with Jury Duty, now this nonsense.	Yeah, I hate to love and leave ya, but I've been over this X-Files shit since the sixth season.
+This can't be happening.  My career's at a peak, I finally met a cute guy, I just bought a new house...	Just shut the fuck up and maybe you'll live.
+"Last July I dialed a wrong number and got a radio station by accident. They asked me what number means ""good luck"" in Jewish."	"Eighteen.  And it's ""Hebrew""."
+"Eighteen.  And it's ""Hebrew""."	Anyway, I guessed it right and won these.
+Here's what I don't get.  For nine months, Death does all this shit to make sure I win these tickets and end up on Route 18 at exactly the right time for the pile up...	Yeah?
+Yeah?	But why single me out?  What am I in the great scheme of things?  You'd think I stepped off Flight 180 or something... Fucking weird, man.
+I got that beat.  So like, last May, I was supposed to stay at this cheesy bed and breakfast in Pennsylvania. There was a major gas leak no one knew about and all the guests suffocated during the night.	Yeah, so what happened?
+Yeah, so what happened?	I never mad it.  The Greyhound bus I was on splattered some chick all over the road and we had to stop.
+What's going on here?	There's going to be a pile up.  Logs. Bodies everywhere.  I saw it happen. It happened.
+THAT's the truck that's going to kill everyone!	Alright miss, calm down.  I just need this lane open.  I need you to pull your vehicle onto the shoulder!
+Alright miss, calm down.  I just need this lane open.  I need you to pull your vehicle onto the shoulder!	You're not listening to me!  You have to do something!
+Tell me again how it started.	Like I said, it was like I was there. I remember everything.  The sounds of the crashes, the smells, the look on Shaina's face...
+Like I said, it was like I was there. I remember everything.  The sounds of the crashes, the smells, the look on Shaina's face...	Do you remember what triggered it all?
+Do you remember what triggered it all?	The log truck...and everybody I guess. Everyone was driving like a maniac. And somehow I knew something horrible was going to happen, even before it did.
+"Billboards about accidents.  Kids yelling ""pile up"" for no reason. It all felt...just wrong. Just like..."	Like what?
+You mean Alex Browning.	...My Premonition was just like his.
+I tried calling last night but your father --	Evan Shaeffer's dead.
+I know.  I've gotten calls all morning from everyone who was on the onramp. We're all meeting at my apartment tonight.	Then you believe all this??  That Death is working off a list?
+I didn't.  Until I was dispatched to clean up one of the Flight 180 survivors.	Clean up?  I don't...
+Pigeons... It's a sign!  If Clear's right about the order, then Nora and Tim are going to be attacked by Pigeons!	I'm not following you --
+I'm not following you --	They're next on the list.  We have to find them.
+Turn around.  The cleaning woman said they're at the dentist's. 14th and Main.	Hold on.
+Nora's not coming.  She refuses to leave her son.	We have to tell her she's in danger!
+We have to tell her she's in danger!	I did.  And right now, I don't think she cares.
+This is cheery.	Who is this guy, anyway?
+New life defeats death?  Follow the signs?  Where the hell did you find that guy?	Yeah, I thought he was supposed to be helpful.
+It throws the entire Death list out of whack.  And a new list has to be rewritten from scratch.  We all start over with a clean slate.	It sounds all well and good, but what if we're wrong?
+Shit, I don't have her number.  She was never interviewed.  She took off right after the accident.	How are we going to find her?  There must be thousands of white vans in this state.
+How are we going to find her?  There must be thousands of white vans in this state.	Hey, I'm a police officer, remember?
+Whoa, nine months?	Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
+Guys, let's not panic.  Isabella's safe.	How do you know?
+How do you know?	You said she was going to drive into a lake.  How can she when she's in protective custody?
+Stop it, don't move him!	He can't breathe damn it.  I think his lung's collapsed!
+Um, Kimberly?  This is a neighborhood. You may wanna slow it down.	Don't worry.  Nothing can happen to us.
+Don't worry.  Nothing can happen to us.	I wasn't worried about us.
+Kalarjian?	I think a nurse named Kalarjian is going to choke Isabella to death!
+Shouldn't we pull over?	No time.  Keep going.  I wouldn't know how to explain any of this anyway.
+Are you okay?  You just face planted!	I know how it feels to be dead.
+But it's over.  Isabella's baby was the key.  You saw her die and everything, right?	I don't...what if I made a mistake?
+I don't...what if I made a mistake?	Impossible.  She was on the onramp.
+I'm not sure... I don't think Isabella was ever destined to die in the pile- up.	Then what's the premonition of the lake supposed to mean?
+You can't cheat destiny.  I know what I have to do to save us.  I have to die.	That's crazy.  You can't give up now.  We can still fight this thing.
+Welcome back.  We did it.  For real.	I know.  I can feel it too.
+For God's sake, leave him alone, Dad.	Yeah, don't make me cite you for harassment.
+Want me to drive?	No, I'm good.
+This trip better be worth it. What's the guy-girl ratio again?	Get ready to smile, five guys per girl.
+Get ready to smile, five guys per girl.	I can live with thaaaa --
+What's the chance of finding a nice mature guy once we get to Daytona?	How does a nice mature fuck sound?
+What is it?  What are you?	There's going to be a huge accident! Everyone's gonna die.  All of us!  I saw it!
+What is it?  What are you?	There's going to be a huge accident! Everyone's gonna die, all of us, I saw it!
+Relax, you need to chill the fuck out.	Highway to Hell, Highway to Hell.
+Highway to Hell, Highway to Hell.	For Christ sakes girl, take a breath.
+More than that.  All the songs on the radio were about car crashes. Some kid's banging toy cars together.  She was dialing her cell phone with her headset on.  His car was leaking oil all over the road.	Hey, don't be knockin' the Chevette.
+The best way to get to Yankee Stadium is Route 18.	I don't know what's weirder, the dialing a wrong number part or that Death would set you up nine months in advance.
+Can I ask you a question?	Sure.
+Sure.	When I die.  Is it gonna hurt?
+When I die.  Is it gonna hurt?	I...I don't know.
+And you're gonna die after me, right?	I guess so.
+I guess so.	Would you take these?  And if I die...  Could you throw all my drugs out? Paraphernalia, porno, you know... Anything that would break my mom's heart.
+Thanks, Dad.  I'll call you.	You have everything, Kimberly? Credit card, cell phone, AAA card?
+You have everything, Kimberly? Credit card, cell phone, AAA card?	Relax, Dad.  It's Daytona, not Mongolia.
+Relax, Dad.  It's Daytona, not Mongolia.	Fix-A-flat?  Road flares? Sunblock?  Mace?
+I know this is the first time we've been apart since.  But everything's gonna be okay.	I know, honey.  I just --
+Your mother would have been so proud of the way you've handled yourself through all of this...	I know, Dad.
+Kimberly?  It's Dad.	Hey, Dad.  What's up?
+Your car's leaking either transmission or brake fluid.  I want you to have it checked ASAP at a gas station.	You got it, Dad.  I'll call you if I have a problem.
+You got it, Dad.  I'll call you if I have a problem.	I mean it.  Take care of it.
+I mean it.  Take care of it.	I will, Dad.  Bye, luv you.
+I know it's crazy, but I'm really scared for the others.  I've got this terrible feeling.	What feeling?
+What feeling?	That it's not over yet.
+I'm sorry.  I'm just so happy that you're safe.	I love you too, Dad.  Goodnight.
+There were so many times I didn't think I could last another day.  I can't even tell you some of the things I thought about.	I used to have those feelings, too. But that's when I'd think of Mom. Her strength...and courage.  And I'd pray that maybe I'd grow up to be as brave as she was.  And the bad thoughts would go away.
+I used to have those feelings, too. But that's when I'd think of Mom. Her strength...and courage.  And I'd pray that maybe I'd grow up to be as brave as she was.  And the bad thoughts would go away.	I don't know what I'd do if I lost you.
+Damn, it really hurts, Mom.	I know, we'll be there soon.
+What on Earth are they doing?	Who am I, David Blane?
+You're all certifiable, you know that?  I can't believe I've been listening to this crap.  Come on, Tim, let's go outside.	Jeez, Mom, stop trippin'.
+Mom?	Yeah?
+Yeah?	You think... You think those guys were b.s.-ing us today or what?
+You think the tooth fairy's gonna come tonight?  I'm thinkin' like fifteen bucks.	Nice try, kiddo.
+How would I know? You think I'm some sort of...	He's not a witch.
+It's only the end of June.	Yeah, but everything's always in transition. If you focus, even now, one week into summer... you can feel Autumn coming.  Almost like bein' able... to see the future.
+You went there? I've wanted to go there, but I thought it was off limits.	It is. But that didn't stop me. Shouldn't stop you.
+Not a likeness. It's how you make me feel, Alex.	I'm... really sorry.
+I'm... really sorry.	Like you, the sculpture doesn't even know what, or why, it is. Reluctant to take form. And, yet, creating an absolute but incomprehensible attraction.
+That's why I was there last night.	I've never dealt with death before. I wasn't alive when my grandparents died. I wish I could know. I mean, all this... could just be in our heads. Now it feels like it's everywhere.
+I've never dealt with death before. I wasn't alive when my grandparents died. I wish I could know. I mean, all this... could just be in our heads. Now it feels like it's everywhere.	"""It?"""
+"""It?"""	What if Tod... is just the first... of us?
+"Is that something you're ""feeling?"""	I don't know. I wish I could just see him... one more time, then, maybe...  I would know.
+I don't know. I wish I could just see him... one more time, then, maybe...  I would know.	Then, let's go see him!
+This place?!	Doin' somethin' I'm not supposed to.
+That... him?	I think. But why'd they make him up like... Michael Jackson?
+I think. But why'd they make him up like... Michael Jackson?	That's him, but... he's not here.
+Ahhh! fuck! You fucking asshole. You think this is funny, you fucking dick? Tod, if you're not dead I'm gonna fucking kill you!	Ohmygod! OHMYGOD!  OHMYGOD!  He's not dead?
+He said Death has a design. Even before he said that I had been seeing patterns.	As in flannels and plaids?
+How many died on Flight 180?  From our group?	Thirty-nine.
+Thirty-nine.	Remember the gate number?
+No.	Thirty-nine.
+Remember the departure time?	Like... 4:25.
+4:25.	Right. April 25th.
+Right. April 25th.	Wait. I thought you meant the time of your birth. Four/Twenty-five, as in, month and day... that's a reach.
+I'm not just layin' down a bunch of math here, with this. I'm talking about indications... omens... that day, that we were meant to die. That, if, we have been aware of... would have saved everyone on the plane.	That's total bullshit. You can find death omens anywhere you want to.
+I don't understand... did you see Tod die? Did it happen again, like on the plane?	No, but it might as well be the same thing. This was a message... from someone, or something... hinting... at the design.
+No, but it might as well be the same thing. This was a message... from someone, or something... hinting... at the design.	Alex, on the plane... you must have experienced... some kind of hyper awareness. But here... you're suggesting Tod's death... and maybe our own... will happen because of... an active Presence.
+Most kids do, I guess.	Most kids never have it happen.
+Those guys are probably fifteen minutes away.	No.. I mean, I don't have anything on me. This won't be safe.
+No.. I mean, I don't have anything on me. This won't be safe.	Nothing is... anymore.
+I can't go home. After Lewton's, they'll be after me.	We're takin' you to a cabin in the woods, it's only a couple miles from my house.  Keep off the highways, they'll be lookin' for us.
+Billy told the F.B.I. he saw you runnin' away from her house.	They blame me for everything. Her, Tod, the plane crash...
+Stop the car!	Let us out!
+Can't you open the door?!	Easy, Billy, just open it.
+Carter, get out!	Don't do it! Don't do it!
+Get out! Get out of the car!  Get out of the fuckin' car!	Get out! Get out of the car!
+Police are coming.	That's why It skipped Carter and went to the next one in the path of the explosion; Billy.
+You know what to do.	No! No! Don't!
+No! No! Don't!	When I do this.. it'll have skipped you... and it'll all be over.
+I'll remove him.	Fuck you! I'll remove myself!
+You're payin' for my trip, Browning!	I wish you were on the plane!
+Hope you don't think, Browning, that because my name ain't on this wall... that I owe you anything.	I don't.
+I don't.	All I owe is these people.  To live my life to the fullest.
+We're losing our favorite teacher.	Look, there's something you should all know.
+Alright, Browning, you fuckin' warlock... did you know about Ms. Lewton, or what?	Why do you think I was hiding?
+Is knowing going to make it easier? It makes it harder.	You get off havin' control over me. Let me choose how to deal with it.
+You get off havin' control over me. Let me choose how to deal with it.	It doesn't matter who's next... we're all on the same list.
+What's your fuckin' worry? If it's not your time...? I could get nailed runnin' this red light and you all wouldn't get shit! Only me, right?	No!
+You should have been next. After Lewton, you should've been next. That's the only pattern. You should be dead.	You're the fuckin' devil.
+You're the fuckin' devil.	But I saved him. I intervened. Just like the plane. That's the design.
+My intervention in the death of 180 survivors will cheat the design.	"""Intervention?"" What are you, God now?!"
+"""Intervention?"" What are you, God now?!"	Of course not! Gods aren't afraid to die! Gods don't die! We do!
+Man, that is one George Michael notch from being gay.	Dude, get wisdom. We're about to board a seven hour flight. The toilets in coach are barely ventilated closets. What if your body wants that airplane food out of your system and you have to go torque a wicked cable and then right after you walks in Christa or Blake?  You want them to associate with you with that reflexive gag and the watery sting in their eyes?
+Fag.	C'mon, man, like you really thought you were gonna tittie fuck 'em over Greenland, or something?
+C'mon, man, like you really thought you were gonna tittie fuck 'em over Greenland, or something?	"Because of you, I gotta sit here and watch fuckin' ""Stepmom."""
+And then the cabin banged and the left side exploded. The the whole plane... blew up. It was so real. Exactly how everything goes.	Been on many planes that blew up, have you?
+Me, too.  But my dad doesn't understand. When he's better; you and me, road trip to the City. Catch the Yanks.	That's a plan.
+I got this... feeling... a weird feeling... I can't explain it...	Did you take any sedatives before boarding, or on the plane. Sleeping pills?
+Did you take any sedatives before boarding, or on the plane. Sleeping pills?	No. I saw it. I saw it!
+I believe that... Ms. Lewton's next.	"""Next?"""
+"""Next?"""	Yes... see, there's this... pattern... that's occuring.
+Yes... see, there's this... pattern... that's occuring.	Oh, you've noticed it, too?
+Alex... can you promise me that no one else will die?	No... I can't. As long as I'm in here, it's outta my control.
+I'm... a friend of his. His best friend. See, his father...	I know who you are.
+Cuticle lacerations.	Why would he pull at the wire if he were committing suicide?
+His father's pretty fucked up with denial. Maybe he couldn't deal with the thought of an other accident... taking another son.	In Death...
+... there are no accidents. No coincidencess. No mishaps.  And no... escapes.	You saying Tod did kill himself?
+You may not realize it, but we're all just a mouse that a cat has by its tail. Every single move we make, from the mundane to the monumental... the red light we stop at, or run; the people we have sex with, or won't with us; the airplane we ride, or walk out of... is all a part of Death's sadistic design leading to the grave.	Design?
+I'm sorry we broke in.	No harm. No foul.
+And don't pass on the right.	Billy! I'm gettin' a vision!  You're the next one...
+Billy! I'm gettin' a vision!  You're the next one...	Hey, man, why'd you say that?!
+Hey, man, why'd you say that?!	'Cause if you say another word, I'm gonna fuckn' kill ya!
+Please tell me I'm gonna get to see the Jets win the Super Bowl.	Me, right? That's why you're not saying.
+Shoulda' felt up Tammy in the pool, that time...	Whatta' you whinin' about? He said I'm next.
+It broke!	No one's that strong.
+What are you doing?	Terry's name should be on this wall.
+So, why'd you want us to meet you here? Now?	They're watching me, see if I go to Alex.
+He didn't say nothin'. Just drive.	You have a responsibility to tell me.
+Knock it off!	May as well go out under my own free will, right?
+May as well go out under my own free will, right?	Not with us in the fuckin' car!
+Get control of yourself!	That's what I'm doin'!
+That's what I'm doin'!	I know what you're doing!  It's alright to be scared, Carter. You don't have to prove to us how big your balls are. Not now.
+I know what you're doing!  It's alright to be scared, Carter. You don't have to prove to us how big your balls are. Not now.	I'm not afraid! I DECIDE WHEN IT'S TIME! I control my life! I control my death!
+SHUT UP, BILLY!	WE DON'T NEED THIS NOW!
+You guys are real... aren't you?	Huh?
+Huh?	Sorry, I mean... I talk to people all the time... I know a lot of them aren't there.  But this is real, isn't it?  You're taking me home now?
+Sorry, I mean... I talk to people all the time... I know a lot of them aren't there.  But this is real, isn't it?  You're taking me home now?	That's right, buddy.
+I gotta tell you, it's just luck you guys came when you did.  They move us around a lot... We only been at that camp a week.  Got a smoke?	No.
+No.	What kind of raggedy-ass rescue you call this?
+You mean the snake?	Yeah.  It's not hard once you get the hang of it.  In the wrist. Anyway, I did what I always do when I get one...
+Yeah.  It's not hard once you get the hang of it.  In the wrist. Anyway, I did what I always do when I get one...	What's that?
+What's that?	Put it in the guard's barracks.  Man they got pissed.  They beat the crap out of me, but... it's kind of a tradition.  You oughta see 'em run around.
+Wow!	What just happened?
+Your buddy made it out last night. The place went apeshit.	Really?  How come he didn't take me?
+Really?  How come he didn't take me?	Maybe because you're shot in the leg.
+Maybe because you're shot in the leg.	Oh, yeah.  Listen, how long do they keep you in this disease hole?
+Hell.  This is just like fucking Star Wars, man!	Star Wars?
+... and there's this guy with a black helmet and cape, right, and he's got this sword... except it's not a sword, it's light...	There's the Mekong.
+This clown almost blew mission security on the street.  I'm not jumping with him.	Clown?  Now back up there, buddy...
+Ever do this from a jet?	No.
+Again.	Insertion.  Call in to base camp by TRANSAT.  Proceed to point Tango November for rendezvous with our ground contact.  Indigenous agent. Co Phuong Bao.  We've been over this three times.
+Insertion.  Call in to base camp by TRANSAT.  Proceed to point Tango November for rendezvous with our ground contact.  Indigenous agent. Co Phuong Bao.  We've been over this three times.	You stopped.
+Co Phuong Bao.  The guide takes us twelve klicks upriver to target at Ban... at Ban... Bo Peep.  Shit!	Start over.
+... to target at Ban Kia Na.  We probe the site...	Ninety.
+Ninety.	... then proceed downriver to extraction at point Echo Delta. Doyle takes us out by helicopter, we all live happily ever after and that's the last time, Rambo!  I swear to Christ.
+... then proceed downriver to extraction at point Echo Delta. Doyle takes us out by helicopter, we all live happily ever after and that's the last time, Rambo!  I swear to Christ.	One hundred.
+Gettin' old, huh?	Yeah.  Second set.  Let's go.
+No radio source.  Nothing for the bad guys to triangulate on.	Show me how it operates.
+Show me how it operates.	That's what I'm here for.
+That's what I'm here for.	Show me in case you get zapped as soon as we land.
+Show me in case you get zapped as soon as we land.	We're leaving tonight, not in a week.
+Yeah.  Why not?	You break your leg, I'll have to shoot you.
+You read me, Brewer?	Read you.
+Read you.	Home on my strobe.
+You okay?	Keep it down, man.  I got problems.
+What do you call that?	Modified M-16 A2 and over-under M-79 grenade launcher, with Sionics sound suppressor, Tracor starlight scope and LAC/R-100 Laser sighting system.
+Modified M-16 A2 and over-under M-79 grenade launcher, with Sionics sound suppressor, Tracor starlight scope and LAC/R-100 Laser sighting system.	Batteries not included.
+Batteries not included.	This is state-of-the-art firepower.
+What's this?	AC-System 'Big-Ear' telescopic mike with built-in audio processor. Can pull a whisper out of a loud cocktail party at 50 meters.
+Cocktail party.  Uh huh, right.  Let's saddle up.	Where's your stuff?
+That's it?  Some C-4, a map and a knife?	There's a compass in the handle.
+And a beat-to-shit AK?  Every twelve-year-old in Nam's got one of those.	Exactly.
+You wanna know why I stood up for this show?	No.
+No.	I was in the brig.  They gave me a deal.  I blew up this Colonel's golf cart with an M-19.  He wasn't in it or anything... it was the symbolic value.  Seemed like a good idea at the time.
+I was in the brig.  They gave me a deal.  I blew up this Colonel's golf cart with an M-19.  He wasn't in it or anything... it was the symbolic value.  Seemed like a good idea at the time.	That's a real good reason to wind up in 'Nam.
+That's a real good reason to wind up in 'Nam.	I've seen worse places.
+I've seen worse places.	There are no worse places.
+This place is a trip.	Buddhist monastery.  Fifteenth century.
+Buddhist monastery.  Fifteenth century.	Damn!  Leeches.
+You fucking crazy?  I need it to burn these things off.	No cigarettes.
+No cigarettes.	I had it cupped.
+What's this stuff on the rice?	Fermented fish sauce.
+Why would they send us to a deserted camp?	Who cares?  Let's just do it and get out.  Go have a Jacuzzi and get laid in Bangkok.  Know what I mean?
+We'll check it out.	How come we didn't just drop near the camp... save this hassle?
+How come we didn't just drop near the camp... save this hassle?	Brewer.  Does a jet make noise?
+Brewer.  Does a jet make noise?	Yeah...
+What's she saying?	She likes you.  Says you're dinky- dau.
+She likes you.  Says you're dinky- dau.	What's that?
+What's that?	Powerful warrior.
+Powerful warrior.	Yeah.  Dinky-dau, that's me.  Hey, Co.  You wanna meet Jake the one- eyed snake?
+These guys look like they'd sell their mothers.	Sometimes they do.  They're river pirates.  Opium runners.
+Sometimes they do.  They're river pirates.  Opium runners.	Pirates?  No kidding?
+How you doing, Brewer?	I need a vacation.
+Snoring.  Five, six guys. Mumbling... Vietnamese.  Somebody talking in his sleep.  A toilet flushing.	Guard barracks.  Take some shots.
+It's a guy in a cage.	American?
+American?	Can't tell.  Pretty tall.  He's real scrunched up in that thing.
+Can't tell.  Pretty tall.  He's real scrunched up in that thing.	Let me see.
+Roundeye.	Alright.  Home run.
+Alright.  Home run.	Torture cage.  Can't stand... can't sit... for days.  Sometimes weeks.
+Torture cage.  Can't stand... can't sit... for days.  Sometimes weeks.	Bastards.  Let's get some shots.
+That guy's not going to make it.	Nothing we can do, man.
+I'm getting him out.	What?  Are you crazy?  We're supposed to take pictures and split. You're gonna blow the whole program.
+What?  Are you crazy?  We're supposed to take pictures and split. You're gonna blow the whole program.	You never been in one of those things.
+You never been in one of those things.	I suppose you have...
+It's orders!  You remember... when they tell you to do something and then you do it.  John Wayne is dead, man.	You take pictures and split.  I'm going in.
+You better take off.	Ain't you coming with us, sweet thing?
+Are they going to torture us?	Yes.
+Yes.	What... whattaya do?
+Gawd, you look awful.	You comin'?
+You comin'?	Hold your pantyhose.  Here, gimme a hand.
+Can you handle the door gun?	Duck soup.
+Brewer!  You know what that thing's packing?	It's a Soviet MIL MI-24.  Probably has 12.7mm nose cannon, heat-seeking rockets and wire guided missiles, plus...
+It's a Soviet MIL MI-24.  Probably has 12.7mm nose cannon, heat-seeking rockets and wire guided missiles, plus...	Forget it.
+You're gonna love it.	How much we got left in that minigun?
+I'm Rambo.  This is Brewer.  Her name is Co.	"It means ""virgin.""  My mother was comedian."
+You really got a Masters Degree?	Sure.  I only sound like forty-year- old in your language.
+How do we get upriver?	I have arranged transportation.  We meet soon.  But I think you to be disappointed.
+I have arranged transportation.  We meet soon.  But I think you to be disappointed.	Why's that?
+Why's that?	I go up to this camp two months ago. Nobody there.  Empty for years.
+Where did you find this clown?	I thought he was with you.
+I thought he was with you.	Crazy motherfucker.
+How did you get started working for the spooks?	Spooks?
+Spooks?	Intelligence work.
+Intelligence work.	Oh.  They talk to me at university before fall of Saigon.  Make deal.
+Nguyen.  He twelve now.  Not see him for eight years.	Where's his father?
+Where's Nguyen now?  What city?	Huntington Beach, California.
+Huntington Beach, California.	It's nice there.  He's probably digging every minute.  Got a surfboard.  Breaking girls' hearts.
+It's nice there.  He's probably digging every minute.  Got a surfboard.  Breaking girls' hearts.	Nguyen is good boy.
+Are you okay?	Yes.  But I lose many merits in next life.  Very bad.
+Yes.  But I lose many merits in next life.  Very bad.	Why'd they want us?
+Why'd they want us?	They heard about escaped prisoner on radio.  Make deal.  More than we pay.
+Thanks.	Rambo.  NVA coming.  Pig dog Kinh say meet them here.  Whole garrison from Con Cuong is out.
+Rambo.  NVA coming.  Pig dog Kinh say meet them here.  Whole garrison from Con Cuong is out.	Let's go.
+Christ.  How'd you get here?	Took bus, most of way.  I knew you would come here.
+And how'd you sneak up like that?	Carefully.  Don't want to get shot by you.  Bad karma.  Anyway, you need me.
+Carefully.  Don't want to get shot by you.  Bad karma.  Anyway, you need me.	I do?
+I do?	You think you are... .
+You think you are... .	Invulnerable.
+Invulnerable.	In-vul-nerabo.  But you get ass kicked without me.
+You try get across Laos?  Get to Thailand?	Yeah.  Got some business there. What are you gonna do?
+Yeah.  Got some business there. What are you gonna do?	"Go United States.  See Nguyen. Maybe teach economics.  Buy Cadillac.  Watch ""Dynasty."""
+"Go United States.  See Nguyen. Maybe teach economics.  Buy Cadillac.  Watch ""Dynasty."""	How you going to get there?  You can't trust the spooks to pull you out.  They'll use you up and throw you away.
+How you going to get there?  You can't trust the spooks to pull you out.  They'll use you up and throw you away.	I know.  I go with you.
+I know.  I go with you.	I couldn't get you in.
+Yes you can.	How?
+Look, Co...	Why you don't feel love?  Not allowed?  Dead inside, maybe?  You make yourself dead already so they can't kill you?  In-vulnerabo?  Bullshit!
+What was that?	Minigun.  Come on.  Let's move. He's coming in on our open side.
+John.  My name is John.	It doesn't hurt.  Why doesn't it hurt?
+"Alternate LZ Zulu Sierra at 0500. It says ""May have heat.  Don't be late.  All our love."""	Let's get that tent down!
+Stay on your heading, Captain.	Sorry, Sir.  Can't do it.
+Sorry, Sir.  Can't do it.	That's an order.
+That's an order.	Sorry, Sir.
+You pathetic scum.	Well, if there weren't POWs before, there are now.
+I don't work with spooks.  Not after that op in Cambodia.	I'm authorized to get you out of here.  I thought that's what you wanted.
+I'm authorized to get you out of here.  I thought that's what you wanted.	What's the job?
+What's the job?	Classic special forces op... hit fast... in and out.  Two men.  Two days.
+Classic special forces op... hit fast... in and out.  Two men.  Two days.	Why me?
+Why me?	We like you.  At least the computer at Langley likes you.  Pulled your file because of various factors.  Service record. Area familiarity.
+We like you.  At least the computer at Langley likes you.  Pulled your file because of various factors.  Service record. Area familiarity.	Where?
+Where?	Not yet.
+Not yet.	I'm not jumping blind.
+Memo E-7 on top will cover the details.  An abandoned Vietnamese Army base in the North-central highlands may have a compound used as an internment camp.  As you can see the intelligence is soft.  These LANDSAT photos show huts... barracks.  It could be anything.	What's the plan?
+What's the plan?	This operation is in two phases. Recon and rescue.  You are phase one.  Your two-man team will probe the site, confirm the presence of American POWs, if any, make photographic and tactical observations, then proceed to the extraction point without engaging the enemy.
+This operation is in two phases. Recon and rescue.  You are phase one.  Your two-man team will probe the site, confirm the presence of American POWs, if any, make photographic and tactical observations, then proceed to the extraction point without engaging the enemy.	We don't try to pull out any of our guys if we find them?
+We don't try to pull out any of our guys if we find them?	Negative.  Absolutely not.  The phase two assault team will get them out.
+Negative.  Absolutely not.  The phase two assault team will get them out.	We just take pictures?
+We just take pictures?	Don't look so disappointed.  It should be hairy enough... even for you.
+I didn't know you were a stick man, Rambo.	I was crossed-trained in gunships.
+All this is for us?	That's right.
+He's giving them a run for their money.  Says here they've got two Hueys from Danang.  I didn't know those dinks had Hueys.	Half their air force is our stuff. Captured.
+Half their air force is our stuff. Captured.	Typical...
+Typical...	Sir, there's something else... a TRANSAT relay.  Just came through.
+Sir, there's something else... a TRANSAT relay.  Just came through.	What?
+Um... actually, no.  It looks like he shot down one of their gunships...	Christ almighty.
+Christ almighty.	... and then he, uh... took the other one.
+... and then he, uh... took the other one.	What?
+What?	He... took it.
+How long have you been setting up?	About 22 hours on site.
+About 22 hours on site.	Nice work.
+How long before you're fully on line?	Couple hours.  Let me buy you a coffee.
+You think they'll find any?	POWs?  I don't know.  But either way it'll get that subcommittee off our necks.  Cream?
+POWs?  I don't know.  But either way it'll get that subcommittee off our necks.  Cream?	Black.  No sugar.
+Black.  No sugar.	The League of Families leans on Congress.  Then they lean on us. Like we don't have enough to worry about in a dozen dirtwater countries.  Damnit!
+What's up?	Listen, Kirkhill.  I'm a bit of a fifth wheel in your setup here... I thought I'd go out with the extraction team tonight.  Unless you have an objection.
+Listen, Kirkhill.  I'm a bit of a fifth wheel in your setup here... I thought I'd go out with the extraction team tonight.  Unless you have an objection.	It's not necessary.
+It's not necessary.	I know.
+I know.	That's a pretty hairy ride.  Full Colonels are supposed to be above that sort of thing.
+I know...	Have fun.
+Take your time.	Look, Colonel... we're all adults here.  This is a war.  A very quiet, very intense war.  People get sacrificed.
+Look, Colonel... we're all adults here.  This is a war.  A very quiet, very intense war.  People get sacrificed.	Not my people.
+But you're right... some people do get sacrificed.  Now tell me why you pulled the plug.	You think I'm some whacko?  I like to hurt people?  I'm doing a job here.  If I knew what's right or wrong I'd be a goddamned priest, right?  So I follow directives... I do what I'm told.  It's simple.  If your boy had done what he was told, there wouldn't be a problem.
+You think I'm some whacko?  I like to hurt people?  I'm doing a job here.  If I knew what's right or wrong I'd be a goddamned priest, right?  So I follow directives... I do what I'm told.  It's simple.  If your boy had done what he was told, there wouldn't be a problem.	Don't dance me, Kirkhill.  You'll be walking funny.
+Look, it was a screw-up, alright? They weren't supposed to find anything.  We thought that camp was empty.	This mission was a scam from the word go?
+This mission was a scam from the word go?	Word came down... they wanted an answer.  And they knew the answer they wanted: no POWs.  But it had to look good.  Best effort.  The whole dog-and-pony show.
+Rambo and Brewer were selected as write-offs.	"It was clean.  Very clean... Rambo was a decorated Vietnam vet, a former POW himself... if he came out and said ""No POWs"" the sub-committee would buy it.  He gets himself caught he's a private citizen, a whacko, acting on his own.  If he gets proof, it gets lost somewhere between here and D.C.  Airtight. But no... Rambo's gotta be a hero. Thinks he's starring in his own war movie or something.  He put me in a corner.  No choice."
+"It was clean.  Very clean... Rambo was a decorated Vietnam vet, a former POW himself... if he came out and said ""No POWs"" the sub-committee would buy it.  He gets himself caught he's a private citizen, a whacko, acting on his own.  If he gets proof, it gets lost somewhere between here and D.C.  Airtight. But no... Rambo's gotta be a hero. Thinks he's starring in his own war movie or something.  He put me in a corner.  No choice."	"""Terminate with extreme prejudice."""
+"""Terminate with extreme prejudice."""	"That's a crock.  We don't say that. Do you have any idea the shitstorm if he'd gotten back with that guy? If it went public?  The White House would have to act through channels. We're talking ransom.  Four billion bucks in war reparations to Vietnam to get the others back.  That's billion, Colonel.  With a ""B"".  For a few guys that've had their brains in a blender for ten years?  A pain in the ass to everybody?  No way. There's no way."
+So there never was a Phase Two rescue team?	Of course not.  You can't get approval to rescue a kitten from a tree after Tehran.
+You're out of your depth, Trautman. Way out.  I'm acting correctly here. Not you.  Not your gung-ho jungle ace.  It's over.  Walk away.	It's not over.  You made one mistake.
+It's not over.  You made one mistake.	What that?
+Who're you?	American.  Come to get you out.
+American.  Come to get you out.	Man, you are one scary-looking motherfucker!
+Man, you are one scary-looking motherfucker!	Can you walk?
+Can you walk?	I could a couple of days ago.  Gonna be... stiff.
+What's your name?	De Fravio.  Dave De Fravio. Lieutenant... Air Force.
+Hello, John.	Colonel.
+Colonel.	Mind if I sit down?
+I hear you're not enjoying it here.	I could take it or leave it.
+Seems like I'm always pulling you out of some goddamn toilet or other, doesn't it?	Am I out of here?
+Am I out of here?	That depends on you.  Christ, look at you.  I give you this easy duty until I can get you an assignment... all you have to do is eat ice cream and watch soap operas... and you have to make it Rambo's last stand.
+That depends on you.  Christ, look at you.  I give you this easy duty until I can get you an assignment... all you have to do is eat ice cream and watch soap operas... and you have to make it Rambo's last stand.	There were treating me like a headcase.
+There were treating me like a headcase.	Hard to believe.  You shoot up one little town in Oregon with a fifty caliber machine gun... one little dogpatch town... and everybody figures your wrapper's broken.  No sense of humor.  What did you expect?  An engraved plague from the chamber of commerce?
+This your stuff?	That's it.  My life.
+Hardcore outfit.  The best I ever trained.	Those men are all dead.
+Those men are all dead.	You're not.
+Congressional Medal of Honor.	Yeah.  Big time.
+Yeah.  Big time.	Plus, what else?  Two Silver Stars, four Bronze Stars, two Soldier's Medals, four Vietnamese Crosses of Gallantry and... uh, a handful of Purple Hearts.
+Plus, what else?  Two Silver Stars, four Bronze Stars, two Soldier's Medals, four Vietnamese Crosses of Gallantry and... uh, a handful of Purple Hearts.	Five.  I never wanted that stuff.
+Five.  I never wanted that stuff.	What did you want?
+What did you want?	"I just wanted... I don't know... after all that... I just wanted one person, one person, to come up to me and say ""you did good, John."" And mean it.  That's all.  After all that."
+"I just wanted... I don't know... after all that... I just wanted one person, one person, to come up to me and say ""you did good, John."" And mean it.  That's all.  After all that."	You just picked that wrong war to be a hero in.
+We left some people behind there, John... POWs.	This just occurred to somebody, now?
+Listen up.  You two are married as of now.  Get used to it.	I say we tape him to a chair.
+Let's do it.	Keep it clean, Rambo, or I'll nail your hide to the shed.
+Keep it clean, Rambo, or I'll nail your hide to the shed.	You got it, sir.
+This will last you one year after which you have the option to renew if... you like at a membership discount.	But now it's free, right?
+But now it's free, right?	Yeah.
+You know, I think I... ordered some just the other day.	Well did you or didn't you?
+Well did you or didn't you?	Yes!  They'll be in soon.
+Yes!  They'll be in soon.	Well, I guess I'll come back then.
+I like your nails.  Where did you get them done?	Ah... I do them myself.  I used to work in a beauty parlor.
+I've never been in an apartment above a store.  You always pass them on the street but you never think anyone really lives in them.	Can I get you anything...coffee... tea...a little tequilla?
+Can I get you anything...coffee... tea...a little tequilla?	No, thank you.
+Will it hurt?	That all depends on you. ...Sure you don't want a drink?
+"...So he says to me, ""you'll never find another man like me""...I said, ""please, men like you have one hand on their dicks and the other hand on their mother's leg... I said, there's the door - take a trip."	You threw him out?
+My parents were divorced.	"It's an awful thing, let me tell you. My Aunt used to say,  ""divorce is the sister-in-law of death""."
+...SO...anybody special in your life?	Do I look like I have someone special?
+Well, don't say it like that. It's not so...ya know, crazy an idea. You are a healthy woman... You hold a steady job. Ya not crossed eyed or anything...	Well, there's nobody special!
+Well, there's nobody special!	Fine.
+Fine.	I mean, it's not easy in this day and age.
+I mean, it's not easy in this day and age.	What?
+What?	Meeting ... people.
+Meeting ... people.	Tell me about it. I've been dating longer than I've been driving. I can't believe that.
+Tell me about it. I've been dating longer than I've been driving. I can't believe that.	I never really...went through a... dating period.
+I never really...went through a... dating period.	It's a disgusting process. You haven't missed anything.
+"...My mother calls every week. Like a recurring nightmare. ""So, have you met anyone?""...""No mom"".. ""So what's going to happen?""... ""I don't know Mom""... I only thank God I moved out."	I can't believe you lived with her for that long. If I had to live with my mother, I'd stab myself six times.
+I can't believe you lived with her for that long. If I had to live with my mother, I'd stab myself six times.	I think some people are meant to be alone.  Maybe I was a man in a former life and I used women for pleasure so now I'm paying for it - which would be fine, if I could just remember some of the pleasure parts...
+I think some people are meant to be alone.  Maybe I was a man in a former life and I used women for pleasure so now I'm paying for it - which would be fine, if I could just remember some of the pleasure parts...	I don't understand you. What is the problem?
+I don't understand you. What is the problem?	I don't feel like I make any impression on people... At office parties I spend my time re-arranging the hors d'oeuvres as people eat them, so the platters will always look full. I don't start conversations because I have no idea how to end them...I think I'm just meant to live in the background of things.
+I don't feel like I make any impression on people... At office parties I spend my time re-arranging the hors d'oeuvres as people eat them, so the platters will always look full. I don't start conversations because I have no idea how to end them...I think I'm just meant to live in the background of things.	That's not true...You gotta ease up... Conversations have a life of their own. You gotta just go with it...We're having a lovely conversation.
+That's not true...You gotta ease up... Conversations have a life of their own. You gotta just go with it...We're having a lovely conversation.	I'm paying you.
+You know, let me tell you something! I'm not that kind of person. I don't do people favors. If I talk to you it's because I want to. So we're not all ...uh...Jerri Hall...Big deal... What a boring world if we were. You do the best you can with what you got. You're not so so invisible, ya know... You want make an impression? Try this; you can be a real bitch.	Really?
+Really?	Yeah!
+Oh, no..I have to get home...	The nails!! Watch the nails!!...  Listen, you still have to eat.
+No really..I can't.	Hey? What did I tell you? Why don't you come? It's just dinner. You'll have something to tell your mother next time she calls.
+Getting your nails done is one thing but going to dinner with a bunch of strangers and him... She didn't even look at him.	Got any more bread crust?
+I mean, I've gone out with bums, but they were gorgeous.  It's the only reason to go out with a bum.	This food's delicious.  You're a wonderful cook.  And you have a lovely home.
+This food's delicious.  You're a wonderful cook.  And you have a lovely home.	Jack, he's starting a conversation...
+You're surprised!... But I guess I just never met the right guy.  Whatta gonna do?	I'm shocked.  With a child bearing body like yours...  ... why a man would have to be out of his mind!
+I'm shocked.  With a child bearing body like yours...  ... why a man would have to be out of his mind!	Most men are.
+Most men are.	Why this is outrageous!...
+Holdin' my penis... What a lovely way of sayin' how Much ya like me...	What are you, out of your mind!
+Yep! Right on it!	Huh...the restaurant's just around the corner here...
+Are you in a mood today baby? Is this one of those days when you're in ...whadda call it... an emotional abyss?  Talk to me, cause I don't understand these moods.	Anne, they're MY moods. If you want to understand moods, have one of your own!
+Anne, they're MY moods. If you want to understand moods, have one of your own!	Why don't you go upstairs... take the day off. All right?...I'll cook tonight.
+Well, it's funny!  Whatta want from me?	It's not funny.  It's... sophomoric and mindless... and dumb.
+It's not funny.  It's... sophomoric and mindless... and dumb.	Then why the hell do we watch all the time?
+Then why the hell do we watch all the time?	Because it makes me feel good to see how not funny it is and how America doesn't know the first thing about funny which makes it easier not being a famous funny TV celebrity because that would just mean that I'm not really talented.
+It happens to be a beautiful love story.  Ya know, you used to like that about me.  You used to say you liked that I didn't make you think so much.  That we could be together and not think...	Yeah, well... suicidal paranoiacs say funny things sometimes.
+I'm sorry.	I smell gas... Do you smell gas...
+I can't tell you how distraught I was.  All night long.  What the hell happened?	I was attacked.
+I was attacked.	What!
+What!	Two kids tried to set me on fire.
+Two kids tried to set me on fire.	Oh my God... What did they do!  My God!!!
+You were attacked.  My God.  Should I call a doctor!  Did you call the police...	No, I'm fine... really...
+No, I'm fine... really...	You're all right... you sure...
+... So... where did you sleep last night?	I... I stayed at a friend's.  Listen, I --
+I... I stayed at a friend's.  Listen, I --	Please... before you go on... let me tawk... okay... We've had a wonderful time together... When we first met, you said this wasn't serious and I shouldn't get serious and then you moved in and we haven't been serious. And I just wanna say that I have no regrets.  None.  And don't wanna have any now so I want ya to be up front with me... I want the truth. If you're seein' somebody else, let me know... You don't have to pour gasoline on yourself and light a match just to break up with me.  Just tell me the truth.
+I'm not seeing anyone else.  I really was attacked.	Okay.  ... I love you...
+Oh, I used to be such a Catholic.	You still believe in God?
+You still believe in God?	Oh sure... Gotta believe in God.  But I don't think God made man in his own image.  No.  'Cause most of... the bullshit that happens, is because of men.  No, I think man was made out of the devil's image and women were created out of God -- because women can have babies which is sorta like creating, and which also explains why women are attracted to men, because, lets face it, the devil is a helluva lot more interesting -- I slept with a few saints and let me tell you... Booooorring!!!... And so the whole point of life, I think, is for men and women to get married so the devil and God can live together and, ya know -- work it out...  ... Not that we have to get married.
+... You have a little... uh... something on your face...	Oh, I got a pimple... This stuff is supposed to blend with my skin color... Like it really works, ya know...
+I tell you something, Anne.  I really feel like I'm cursed.	Oh stop.  Things will change.  My Aunt Mary always said, there's a remedy for everything in this world except death and having no class.
+Oh stop.  Things will change.  My Aunt Mary always said, there's a remedy for everything in this world except death and having no class.	I get this feeling like I'm... a magnet but I attract shit.  Out of all the people in this city, why did I meet a man who's wife I killed?
+I get this feeling like I'm... a magnet but I attract shit.  Out of all the people in this city, why did I meet a man who's wife I killed?	You didn't kill anybody.  Stop.
+You didn't kill anybody.  Stop.	I wish there was some way I could... just... pay the fine and go home.
+Can I have my desk please.	Hello, I'd like to speak to Lydia?
+Hello, I'd like to speak to Lydia?	Lydia?!  Lydia who!?
+Lydia?!  Lydia who!?	I don't know her last name... I'll be off in a second.
+I don't know her last name... I'll be off in a second.	You're calling Lydia in my office. You must think I'm some dope.  You fuckin' bastard... You...  ... stay out all night long...
+You're calling Lydia in my office. You must think I'm some dope.  You fuckin' bastard... You...  ... stay out all night long...	What... No... Lydia... I want to speak to... her name is Lydia... I...uh...
+What... No... Lydia... I want to speak to... her name is Lydia... I...uh...	... I don't get a friggin' phone call.  You stroll in here at noon.  I got... two people out sick.  Ya think I need this?  I Do Not Need This!
+... I don't get a friggin' phone call.  You stroll in here at noon.  I got... two people out sick.  Ya think I need this?  I Do Not Need This!	...Forget it... Goodbye!
+I was not with a woman last night.  I was out with Parry.	The moron?
+The moron?	He's not a moron.
+He's not a moron.	And who's Lydia?
+And who's Lydia?	Lydia is the girl Parry likes... And I thought, if I could get them together I...
+Lydia is the girl Parry likes... And I thought, if I could get them together I...	What?  The curse'll be lifted?  Will you please!
+What?  The curse'll be lifted?  Will you please!	I... You're not going to understand this.
+I... You're not going to understand this.	Don't treat me like I'm stupid.  It pisses me off.
+Don't treat me like I'm stupid.  It pisses me off.	All right... Sorry... I feel indebted to him.
+All right... Sorry... I feel indebted to him.	What does that mean?
+What does that mean?	See, I told you!
+See, I told you!	Well, what the hell does that mean?
+Well, what the hell does that mean?	I thought... if... if I can help him in some way... you know?... get him this girl he loves... Then... maybe.... things'll start changing for me... My luck, ya know... Maybe...  Forget it... It's a stupid idea.
+Hello....congratulations.	And this is our other..uh...co-worker.. Parry..uh...Parry....
+I don't know... He's a little disgusting... Although some women go for that.	He just needs some clothes?
+Well talk back.  He won't bite you.	Thank you very much.
+What are you two up to?	Well..everything's closed up. We thought we'd get some dinner.  Say!....Anybody up for Chinese?  Have you eaten? Would you like to come along?
+What do you think?	I think they're made for each other. And it scares me.
+You know, I can't believe I did it. You think it'll work out?	"Who's knows. My Aunt Marge used to say, ""some matches are made in heaven, some are made in hell and some are made in hardware stores""."
+"Who's knows. My Aunt Marge used to say, ""some matches are made in heaven, some are made in hell and some are made in hardware stores""."	Nothing it's just...I begining to understand you.
+Nothing it's just...I begining to understand you.	Well...I think you should feel very proud. You did a real nice thing for somebody else. I'm very proud.
+Well...I think you should feel very proud. You did a real nice thing for somebody else. I'm very proud.	You were great. Thanks alot.
+So what's going on?  Who's Lou again?	My agent.  I called my agent.
+My agent.  I called my agent.	You're kidding!  What did he say?
+You're kidding!  What did he say?	He says if I want to get back to work, no problem.  He wants me to come in and talk and... and... that's it!
+He says if I want to get back to work, no problem.  He wants me to come in and talk and... and... that's it!	Whoah!  Oh, honey, that's terrific!
+I've got to put these tapes in some kind of order... and... Oh, I should get my sports jacket cleaned...  ... There's coffee if you want...	You made coffee?... You're going back to work and you made coffee?... I love this!
+It's so great to see you like this, honey... I can't tell you.	Thanks.
+Thanks.	Ya know, I'm thinkin' -- with another income coming in, I would love to get a bigger place.
+Ugh, these tapes are a mess.  I don't know where to begin...	... I would love to start looking at least.  You know, maybe a two bedroom or even, maybe the top floor of a house -- like in Brooklyn or Staten Island...
+... What?... You don't want to commute?	No, it's not... Come here...
+What?	"""I'm an incredible woman?""  What is this, a death sentence?"
+"""I'm an incredible woman?""  What is this, a death sentence?"	No, I... I think we should talk about this.
+No, I... I think we should talk about this.	You want to talk?  Come on, Jack... Did I cross the line by mentioning the future or what?
+You want to talk?  Come on, Jack... Did I cross the line by mentioning the future or what?	No... it's just...
+... Listen, so much has happened and I think it would be a good thing for both of us if we slowed things down a little.	Slowed things down?  Where have I been?  Have we been going fast!?
+Slowed things down?  Where have I been?  Have we been going fast!?	Right now, I'm just not sure about... making such definite plans.
+... I'd like to focus on my career - - now than I can, now that everything's all right... Parry's taken care of... and... Like I said, I feel like I know a lot more now and I don't...	First of all, let me tell you something -- you don't know shit. Second of all, as far as we go, what time do you need?  What have we been doing here, except time?  Have I ever... ever pressured you!?
+First of all, let me tell you something -- you don't know shit. Second of all, as far as we go, what time do you need?  What have we been doing here, except time?  Have I ever... ever pressured you!?	No.
+No.	No.  So what time do you need?  I love you -- you love me -- you want to get your career going, great!  I'd like to be a part of it -- I think I deserve that!  So what do you need to figure out alone!?
+You can't even give me that?!  What were you gonna do, Jack?... Just gonna organize your life...  ... walk out that door, move in by yourself and what -- drop the news when you find somebody else?  What were you planning to do, Jack?	I didn't know.  I just said all I want is some time.
+I didn't know.  I just said all I want is some time.	Bullshit!  If you're going to hurt me, you hurt me now -- not some long... drawn out hurt that takes weeks of my life because you don't have the balls!
+Bullshit!  If you're going to hurt me, you hurt me now -- not some long... drawn out hurt that takes weeks of my life because you don't have the balls!	All right... I'll pack my stuff tonight.
+What have you been doing here!  Huh! I wanna know!  What have you been doing here?!	Listen!  We both got something out of it, all right!
+Listen!  We both got something out of it, all right!	"Oh yeah?  What did I get?  What did I get I couldn't've gotten from somebody with no name any night of the week?  You think your company is such a treat?  Your moods, your...  ""pain"", your problems... You think you're entertaining?"
+"Oh yeah?  What did I get?  What did I get I couldn't've gotten from somebody with no name any night of the week?  You think your company is such a treat?  Your moods, your...  ""pain"", your problems... You think you're entertaining?"	Then what do you want to stay with me for?
+Well!  What do you want me to do - applaud?	How have you been?
+How have you been?	Terrific. Going on alot of dates ... seeing lots of men... lots of dates..
+I think.. I...I realized...I love you.	Huh-huh....You son of a bitch!
+Parry?	"He can't hear you.  Hi...I'm Dr. Weintraub....  I was on duty when they brought him in...I've been going over his record... He was brought in once before I understand...  ...""catatonic  stupor""...condition  rendered him non-verbal for a period of -..."
+"He can't hear you.  Hi...I'm Dr. Weintraub....  I was on duty when they brought him in...I've been going over his record... He was brought in once before I understand...  ...""catatonic  stupor""...condition  rendered him non-verbal for a period of -..."	Yeah so? The guy's beat up - he...he probably has a concussion or something, right?  He'll snap out of it?
+Yeah so? The guy's beat up - he...he probably has a concussion or something, right?  He'll snap out of it?	I'm afraid not ... Then again, I'm not sure. The beating's bad but it's not the problem... It seems he's.. re-experiencing the catatonia... So, like before, he could snap out it in an hour or in thirteen months or thirteen years... ....I don't know. There's no way to tell.
+I'm afraid not ... Then again, I'm not sure. The beating's bad but it's not the problem... It seems he's.. re-experiencing the catatonia... So, like before, he could snap out it in an hour or in thirteen months or thirteen years... ....I don't know. There's no way to tell.	But..How could that happen?
+But..How could that happen?	Well, it's not unusual in his case... Sometimes victims of tragedies are subject to the brain's replay system. The brain never loses anything - it just stores it up and waits. A person could actually re-experience the full effect of a tragedy, long after the event took place. Are you relatives?  Well, it doesn't matter. We'll take care of it. He'll have to be sent back to the same institution..
+Well, it's not unusual in his case... Sometimes victims of tragedies are subject to the brain's replay system. The brain never loses anything - it just stores it up and waits. A person could actually re-experience the full effect of a tragedy, long after the event took place. Are you relatives?  Well, it doesn't matter. We'll take care of it. He'll have to be sent back to the same institution..	What if I was a relative?
+What if I was a relative?	You'd have the option to care for him at home but my advice is it wouldn't be the best thing for him. He needs hospital care. I just thought you could sign the release forms, but the city can do that. I wouldn't feel responsible in any way. There's really nothing you can do. I'm sorry.
+So, Edwin, baby, this is Sunrise Confession time... what have you got for us?	I... I... went to this bar... this very, ya know -- hard-to-get-in place... called Babbitt's...
+Yeah, I know the place.  It's one of those chic yuppie gathering holes.	Okay... I know but... I met this beautiful girl...
+Yeah, but does she swallow, Edwin?	I think she likes me... she gave me her number, but she must work a lot cause when I call she's never home... But I think we'll go out this weekend... I've...
+I think she likes me... she gave me her number, but she must work a lot cause when I call she's never home... But I think we'll go out this weekend... I've...	Yeah, Edwin, sure... and Pinnochio is a true story... Edwin!  Wake up! This is a fairytale...
+No, Jack, no, it's not... She likes me.	She gave you the old brusheroo, kiddo... Believe me -- this tart will never make it to your desert plate...
+She gave you the old brusheroo, kiddo... Believe me -- this tart will never make it to your desert plate...	She likes me.  She said for me to call!
+Where you comin' from?!	Uh... basement I think...
+Uh... basement I think...	I tell him no visitors!!!
+You a friend of Parry's?	No...  He is supposed to live there?
+No...  He is supposed to live there?	Yeah, well... I let him stay there. What else could I do after such a tragedy?
+Yeah, well... I let him stay there. What else could I do after such a tragedy?	Tragedy?
+Tragedy?	He and his wife was were at some bar ..and some nut came in with a shotgun and blew the place apart. She was a beautiful girl...She never knew what hit her.
+Can I help you?	I'm... just looking for Parry...
+I'm... just looking for Parry...	He's not here.
+I wanna go...Just let me go...	Uh...Where...where do you want to go?
+Uh...Where...where do you want to go?	A real nice place I know... Ah...can't get there! Not tonight.
+A real nice place I know... Ah...can't get there! Not tonight.	Where?  Maybe we can.
+Where?  Maybe we can.	No...no...we can't...we can't..
+No...no...we can't...we can't..	Come on...maybe we can...where do you want to go?
+Come on...maybe we can...where do you want to go?	Venice...Like Katherine Hepburn in SUMMERTIME. . ....Why can't I be Katherine Hepburn...
+Can you tell me something? Did you lose your mind all of a sudden or was it a slow gradual process?	"Well,... I'm a singer by trade... Summer stock...nightclub revues... that kind of thing...It used to be what I absolutely lived for...God...I can do GYPSY backwards - every part- but, one night...in the middle of singing ""Funny..... - it suddenly hit me... ...what does all of this really mean?  That, and the fact that all my friends are dead...God, I sound like a veteran. Dad would be so proud."
+Um...I've got to run. I've bee doing this all day.  Are you going to be all right?	Oh please!...I was born a Catholic in Brooklyn... I've been to hell and back.... I'll be fine...  ....Thanks...You're a gem.
+Remember. One chorus and out.	I'm a man with a mission, Jack.
+It's O.K...It's O.K...Lets me help you up.	NO...I WANNA GO! I WANNA GO NOW!
+NO...I WANNA GO! I WANNA GO NOW!	Come on now...You can't sit here.
+Come on now...You can't sit here.	NO! I want a debutante on a horse to step on me.  Leave me alone!!
+Isn't that awful? Poor Brenda Frazier. Poor Little Gloria. They ruined them! THEY ATE THEM ALIVE!	It was a crime.
+It was a crime.	Leave me alone...I wanna go...
+You shouldn't hang around this neighborhood.	I... I was just leaving.
+I... I was just leaving.	People spend a lot of hard earned money for this neighborhood.  It's not fair... looking out their windows to see your ass asleep on the streets...
+People spend a lot of hard earned money for this neighborhood.  It's not fair... looking out their windows to see your ass asleep on the streets...	Yes... I... I agree...
+Yes... I... I agree...	Good.  You believe this drunk?
+.....Me neither.	No...No please...!
+Can I ask that when you clean your hands you wipe the ink off the inside of the sink before it stains the stainless steel.	You can ask.
+About dinner as a concept or about dinner with...  Raoul?	You're so witty.  I'm so jealous... I need to get out of here, Jack, and do something other than sit in this apartment and count how many funny lines you have per page.
+You're so witty.  I'm so jealous... I need to get out of here, Jack, and do something other than sit in this apartment and count how many funny lines you have per page.	You know, tomorrow's a very big day for me... It would be nice if you acted like you understood.
+You know, tomorrow's a very big day for me... It would be nice if you acted like you understood.	Fine.  I'll say no.
+Fine.  I'll say no.	They're putting me on film tomorrow.
+They're putting me on film tomorrow.	Fine.
+Fine.	... First time in my life I'll be a voice with a body.  Do you know what that means?  What this could lead to?
+... First time in my life I'll be a voice with a body.  Do you know what that means?  What this could lead to?	Jack, it's a sitcom -- you're not defining Pi.
+Jack, it's a sitcom -- you're not defining Pi.	I'll remember that the next time you get excited by drawing pubic hairs on raisin bran.  Want some?
+I'll remember that the next time you get excited by drawing pubic hairs on raisin bran.  Want some?	No, I have to work.
+No, I have to work.	How un-sixties of you.
+How un-sixties of you.	I was nine in the sixties.
+I was nine in the sixties.	"I used to think my biography would be JACK LUCAS - THE FACE BEHIND THE VOICE, but now it can be JACK LUCAS, THE FACE ""AND"" THE VOICE...or maybe just JACK - EXCLAMATION POINT..."
+Hello Lydia?	Yeah?  Who is this?
+Yes.	Yes well...  You are a credit card holder, are you not?
+Yes well...  You are a credit card holder, are you not?	Huh-huh.
+Huh-huh.	Well, congratulations Lydia, because out of several thousand card holders... in conjunction with several major credit card companies...
+Well, congratulations Lydia, because out of several thousand card holders... in conjunction with several major credit card companies...	Which ones?
+Which ones?	All of them... Which means you have just won a free membership at our store on Second Avenue.
+Your name was picked.	Well, I don't understand.  What did you do -- did you pick my name out of a hat or... or... a list?
+Well, I don't understand.  What did you do -- did you pick my name out of a hat or... or... a list?	A list.
+A list.	Well -- were there a lot of people in the room or just you or what?
+Well -- were there a lot of people in the room or just you or what?	Well there....  What's the difference?
+Well there....  What's the difference?	Well, I mean... I don't know you... This has never... I've never won anything and... I don't have a VCR.
+Well, I mean... I don't know you... This has never... I've never won anything and... I don't have a VCR.	You get a VCR with the membership.  ... For a short time until you get your own.  Listen, why don't you come down to the store and you can check it out.  See if you're interested.
+You get a VCR with the membership.  ... For a short time until you get your own.  Listen, why don't you come down to the store and you can check it out.  See if you're interested.	Did Phyllis in accounting tell you to call me?
+Did Phyllis in accounting tell you to call me?	No!  I told you! You won a contest!
+Hello. My name is Lydia Sinclair.	Yes. Hi..Congratulations. Jack Lucas. Nice to meet you finally. This is Anne Napolitano, the owner of Video Spot.
+So how do we do this?	Well..um...you get an official membership card...  Just sign that and we'll laminate it right here... Parry?  You want to laminate Miss Sinclair's card?...
+Now what?	Uh... you... you can pick out up to ten movies...
+Uh... you... you can pick out up to ten movies...	Free?
+Free?	Yes.  They're free.
+You know, Anne does other people too. Sort of a sideline...	How much?
+How much?	Well, since you're a member, we could...
+Okay... twenty dollars... When can you...	Tonight!  How's tonight?
+Could you help me-- what was the name of that girl who just came in...	What girl?  I didn't notice.
+What girl?  I didn't notice.	Uh... she was wearing a kind of... a flouncy kind of... uh... plain...
+Oh, Lydia!	Lydia.  Lydia what?
+Lydia.  Lydia what?	God, I have no idea.  She's worked here for fifteen years and I have no idea.  I'll call her.
+God, I have no idea.  She's worked here for fifteen years and I have no idea.  I'll call her.	No... no... that's all right... I thought I knew her... Thanks...
+Please don't hurt me?	"""OH beings blind! What ignorance besets you!"
+I need a drink.	I know a great place.  ...UH...WARREN!
+This is it. I'm in hell. Damned to an eternity of idiotic conversation.	Great place huh?
+Have I died?	Hahahahaaa... Nononono... Not yet... Hahahaha...
+Hahahahaaa... Nononono... Not yet... Hahahaha...	If you're going to murder me, that's fine... just don't laugh.
+Where am I?	My abode... My domicile... My neck of the woods... Hungry?  Breakfast?  A fruit pie perhaps?
+My abode... My domicile... My neck of the woods... Hungry?  Breakfast?  A fruit pie perhaps?	No... thanks... Listen --
+No... thanks... Listen --	My name is Parry.
+My name is Parry.	Hi... Where are my shoes?
+Hi... Where are my shoes?	They're --  -- What?
+They're --  -- What?	Where -- ?
+Where -- ?	What!?
+What!?	What?!
+What?!	Sshhhh!
+Do you know what the Little People just told me?	The Little People?
+The Little People?	They said you're The One.
+They said you're The One.	I'm the one what?
+I'm the one what?	Oh shut up!!!
+... I've got a right to say something.  I mean, you're tying my hands here!  They say you're not ready to know.	I'm not...  Now, where are those shoes...
+... Do you know who I am?	Uhh... I'm drawing a blank.
+Uhh... I'm drawing a blank.	Take a guess...  Let him guess!!  Tch.
+Uh... gee... well... you seem to be some kind of vigilante...	No, no... I mean that sort of happens along the way but no...  I'm on a very special quest.
+No, no... I mean that sort of happens along the way but no...  I'm on a very special quest.	A quest?
+A quest?	But I need help and they sent you.
+But I need help and they sent you.	The Little...
+The Little...	They work for Him.
+They work for Him.	Him...?
+Him...?	God... I'm the janitor of God.
+The Holy Grail?  Some billionaire has the Holy Grail sitting in a commode on Madison Avenue?	I know!  You can't imagine how surprised I was.  Who would think you could find anything divine on the Upper East Side.
+I know!  You can't imagine how surprised I was.  Who would think you could find anything divine on the Upper East Side.	Listen... I don't mean to be flippant or to enrage you or anything but... you're an imbecile.  And I'm not The One... I'm not any One...
+I think you're a very nice... very nice psychotic man.  I really appreciate what you did for me.  It was a very brave and noble thing...	Oh, please... you're embarrassing me.
+Oh, please... you're embarrassing me.	I wish you all the luck in the world. When you get the Grail, I'm sure I'll be seeing lots of you on various talk shows...
+I wish you all the luck in the world. When you get the Grail, I'm sure I'll be seeing lots of you on various talk shows...	But I can't get it... He's...
+See, you don't know him... That's why you're the one... You can get it...	Listen, forget the shoes.  I'll just take a cab... Uh...
+Listen, forget the shoes.  I'll just take a cab... Uh...	Parry.
+Parry.	Parry... I'm Jack.
+Parry... I'm Jack.	I know...
+Thanks... You can keep the doll.	Thanks a mill --  And I'll give you a buzz as soon as I hear from the people upstairs and we'll get this thing off the ground... Thanks for stopping by, Jack.  Give my love to the wife and kids.
+I'm not married.	Funny -- you look married.
+"""Soveriegn princess of his captive heart what dire affliction has thou made me suffer, thus banished from thy presence with reproach, and fettered by thy rigorous command, not to appear again before thy beautiful face. Deign princess, to remember this thy faithful slave, who now endures such misery for love of thee""...."	Parry!
+Do you follow her every day?	Huh-huh. I'm deeply smitten.
+Huh-huh. I'm deeply smitten.	What's her name?
+What's her name?	I don't know.
+Why did you do that?	Well, if every time someone did something offensive they hit in the head with a pebble, I think they might alter their behavior. What do you think Jack...
+Here...I just would like to help you. I thought...maybe...you could use some money.	Fifty dollars?
+Here's another twenty. Will that do?  I mean, what's it going to take!	No..no, it's..I don't know what to say. This is so nice of you...Jack...
+That's O.K.	Can I take you to lunch?
+Can I take you to lunch?	No..I have to get back to work. Take care of yourself.
+Well, I think you should be realistic. Ya can't start an ad agency on fifty dollars!	What are you doing?  Give that back!
+But I gave it to you!	Well what am I gonna do with it?
+Well what am I gonna do with it?	I don't know. But I gave it to you...to help YOU...not him.
+I don't know. But I gave it to you...to help YOU...not him.	You really want to help me?
+Pretty impressive huh?...Don't let it scare you. I'll admit it's formidable but everything has it's weakness.	You can't just break into Langdon Carmichael's house. This man has done nothing.
+You can't just break into Langdon Carmichael's house. This man has done nothing.	O.K...let me explain this one more time...The Holly Grail is in -....
+O.K...let me explain this one more time...The Holly Grail is in -....	All right! Listen - please...don't start drooling or...rolling your eyes when I tell you this but - You shouldn't do this..There is no Holy Grail.
+All right! Listen - please...don't start drooling or...rolling your eyes when I tell you this but - You shouldn't do this..There is no Holy Grail.	Of course there is, Jack. What do you think the Crusades were - a frat initiation? I don't think so...There has to be a Grail.
+Of course there is, Jack. What do you think the Crusades were - a frat initiation? I don't think so...There has to be a Grail.	Look, you're only sort of insane, really. People like you can lead semi-normal lives. You could get a job...
+Look, you're only sort of insane, really. People like you can lead semi-normal lives. You could get a job...	I don't need a job. I have a quest.
+I don't need a job. I have a quest.	I take it back - you're fucking deranged... And you're going to get yourself killed trying to get in there!
+I take it back - you're fucking deranged... And you're going to get yourself killed trying to get in there!	Tch. You are so sweet...Now I know why you're saying this. ...You're afraid I'm in danger and you're trying to protect me.
+Tch. You are so sweet...Now I know why you're saying this. ...You're afraid I'm in danger and you're trying to protect me.	No. I think you're a moron and I don't want to get into trouble.
+...You are such a great guy. First the money, now this.  Isn't he fabulous!?	Please don't hug me in public again, O.K.?
+Please don't hug me in public again, O.K.?	I LOVE THIS MAN...YA HEAR ME JADED CITY...  ...I'M DAFFY ABOUT THIS GUY AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!!!
+Will you shut-up!!!	You're a true friend.
+You're a true friend.	I'm not. Believe me. I'm scum.
+I'm not. Believe me. I'm scum.	You're a real honest to goodness good guy.
+You're a real honest to goodness good guy.	I'm self-centered, I'm weak - I don't have the will power of a fly on shit...
+I'm self-centered, I'm weak - I don't have the will power of a fly on shit...	That's why the Little People sent you. Just like magic.
+That's why the Little People sent you. Just like magic.	I don't believe in little floating people! THERE IS NO MAGIC!
+I don't believe in little floating people! THERE IS NO MAGIC!	So what? You going to help me?
+So what? You going to help me?	WILL YOU PLEASE... please listen to me ...  You know none of this is true -                           PARRY the Grail, the voices...                           Jack... There's a part of you that                         Come on...what are knows this isn't true.                             saying... I know who you are...                              I know who you are.. or who you were.                                   You're acting really- You don't belong on the                            No, no, no, no... streets. You're intelligent                        Jack... man....you're a teacher...                         Jacck!... You were a teach at Hunter College. Don't you remember?...
+He knows who you are!  He's afraid!  I can tell!	You're totally gone, aren't you?
+Isn't it great up here... He's gone now, but we had him on the run! We would've had his ass if we had horses! He's running scared!	WHO! WHO'S RUNNING?!! WHO HAVE WE BEEN CHASING!?? CAN I ASK THIS QUESTION NOW!!!
+SAW WHO!!?	The Red Knight!
+The Red Knight!	The Red...?  You're totally gone, aren't you?
+Parry...	Buddy, the days of the debutantes are ... not what they used to be.
+Listen, he just needs to sleep it off. Someone will take care of him.	Who?
+Who?	Well, maybe he wants to stay here.  Do...do you want to stay here?
+It's such a great song.	It's a classic.
+Don't you think it's time to go now? Running around here during the day is one thing but at night we could be killed by a wide variety of people.	Well that's stupid. This is my park just as much as it is theirs. You think it's fair they keep us out just because they make us think we'll get killed or something?
+Well that's stupid. This is my park just as much as it is theirs. You think it's fair they keep us out just because they make us think we'll get killed or something?	Yes. I think that's very fair.
+.....What are you doing?	Have you ever done any cloudbusting? You lie on your back and you concentrate on the clouds...and you try yo break them apart with your mind. It's wild.
+You can't do this! This is New York! Nobody lies in naked in a field in New York..It's...it's too Midwestern.	Come on, try it. Ya feel the air on your body - ya little fella's flappin' in the breeze. ...everybody in the city is busy with their business and no one knows we're bare assed in the middle of it. Come on!
+Come on, try it. Ya feel the air on your body - ya little fella's flappin' in the breeze. ...everybody in the city is busy with their business and no one knows we're bare assed in the middle of it. Come on!	NO! I will not! This is nuts! I'm leaving! I mean it...this is nuts.  This is too nuts...I'm leaving. I mean it!
+..Ha...Little fella? I mean the man talks to invisible people - he sees invisible horses - and he's naked in the middle of Central Park. I should be surprised? I'm not surprised. I'm fucking outta my mind to even be here!	Who are you talking to Jack?
+Who are you talking to Jack?	YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!!
+YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!!	Bingo!
+Are there any questions?	What?
+What?	"Then let's begin with the story itself. It's a story of the Grail myth...And although there are several variations, my favorite begins with the Fisher King as a young boy... who had to spend a night alone in the forest to prove his courage... and during that night, he is visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire, appears the Holy Grail - God's highest symbol of divine grace. And a voice says to the boy, ""You shall be the guardian of the Grail, that it may heal the hearts of men""...But the boy was overcome ...Innocent and foolish, he was blinded by greater visions - a life ahead filled with beauty and glory, hope and power...Tears filled his eyes as he sensed his own... invincibility. A boy's tears of naive wonder and inspiration. and in this state of...radical amazement...he felt for a brief moment, not like a boy, but like God...  ...And so he reached into the fire to take the Grail. And the Grail vanished. And the boy hands were left caught in the flames...leaving him wounded and ashamed at what his recklessness had lost him. When he became King, he was determined to reclaim his destiny and find the Grail... But with each year that passed, with each campaign he fought, the Grail remained lost, and this wound he suffered in the fire grew worse... He became a bitter man. Life for him lost it's reason. With each disappointment, with each betrayal... with each loss ... this wound would grow... Soon the land began to spoil from neglect and his people starved...Until finally, the King lost all faith in God's existance and in man's value...He lost his ability to love or be loved And he was so sick with experience... that he started to die. As the years went on, his bravest knights would search for the Grail that would heal their King and make them the most respected and valued men in the land, but to no avail.  Pretty soon, finding the Grail became a ruthless struggle between ambitious men vying for the King's power, which only confirmed the King's worst suspicions of man, causing his wound to grow. His only hope, he thought, was death. Then one day, a fool was brought in to the King to cheer him.  He was a simple-minded man... not particularly skilled...or admired... He tells the King some jokes...sing him some songs, but the King feels even worse...Finally, the fool says, ""What is it that hurts you so much? How can I help?""...And the King says, ""I need a sip of water to cool my throat""...So, the fool takes a cup from the bedstand, fills it with water and hands it to the King...Suddenly, the King feels a lot better. And when he looks to his hands, he sees that it was the Holy Grail the fool handed him...an ordinary cup that had been beside his bed all along...And the King asks, ""How can this be?...how could you find what all my knights and wisest men could not find""? And the fool answers, ""I don't know. I only knew you were thirsty.""... And for the first time since he was a boy, the King felt more than a man - not because he was touched by God's glory...but rather, by the compassion of a fool."
+I can't ask for her...I have to earn her.	Parry, you don't have to earn a woman. It's the twentieth century.
+Parry, you don't have to earn a woman. It's the twentieth century.	Maybe, when we get the Grail...
+Maybe, when we get the Grail...	Well, see, I think she can help...You know women are great..they...they make homes and they..ya know, kill the livestock so the knights can go out and get Grails and...and slaughter villages with a clear head...I mean, where would Arthur be without Guinevere...
+Well, see, I think she can help...You know women are great..they...they make homes and they..ya know, kill the livestock so the knights can go out and get Grails and...and slaughter villages with a clear head...I mean, where would Arthur be without Guinevere...	Happily married, probably.
+Happily married, probably.	Bad example. Just trust me. A woman who loves you keeps you going...gives you strength... Makes you feel like you can do anything...
+Bad example. Just trust me. A woman who loves you keeps you going...gives you strength... Makes you feel like you can do anything...	Is that what your girlfriend does for you?
+Is that what your girlfriend does for you?	Sure...
+Holdin' my penis...	Parry!  Close your pants...
+Will you stand still so I can do this!	I'm sorry....I'm just so excited.  You must have felt this way when you first met Anne, huh? Where did you two meet?
+I'm sorry....I'm just so excited.  You must have felt this way when you first met Anne, huh? Where did you two meet?	In a bar called Hellfire.
+In a bar called Hellfire.	Tch...how romantic. Yeah. If I wasn't already committed to Lydia, boy. Except Anne'd never go for me though. She loves you too much. And you really love her, huh?
+Tch...how romantic. Yeah. If I wasn't already committed to Lydia, boy. Except Anne'd never go for me though. She loves you too much. And you really love her, huh?	No. But that's not the only reason people get together or..stay together.
+No. But that's not the only reason people get together or..stay together.	What are the other reasons?
+...I feel so much for her...I feel like something awful is going to happen.	No. Nothing bad's going to happen. Anne'll be there. I'll be there. Nothing bad will happen.
+No. Nothing bad's going to happen. Anne'll be there. I'll be there. Nothing bad will happen.	I'm still scared.
+Parry, it's Lydia Sinclair - our membership winner.	I know!
+Beautiful night huh?	Yeah.....Hey they're moving....  Am I doing that?
+Unhand that degenerate - you adolescent ass of a one balled donkey!	It's just a bum...You know, there's enough in here for the two of you.
+It's just a bum...You know, there's enough in here for the two of you.	Ha, ha, ha, ha rubbish...now begone...before somebody drops a house on you!...
+You a fag too?	"Fag..a fag you say!?... ""Curst wolf! Thy fury inward on thyself Pray and consume thee!"""
+"Fag..a fag you say!?... ""Curst wolf! Thy fury inward on thyself Pray and consume thee!"""	Fuck you.
+OWWW....What are you nuts?!	BINGO! Tell the man what he's won!
+I advise you to let us go.	You advise us!
+You advise us!	You're out numbered son.
+Come on! Go for it! What the hell are they gonna do? They can't do nothin!	Nothing! They can do nothing! Gentlemen!
+Are you all right?	OWW...MAN...
+You can't leave me tied up out here alone, you fucking faggot!	You won't be alone for long.
+Parry Parry?	No just Parry.
+No just Parry.	Oh...like Moses.
+"How about the ""Hell Merchants""?"	I don't like horror movies!
+I don't like horror movies!	"How about... Zbiegnew Speizak's ""The Purple Bread,"" an intensely portrayed tale of love and envy set against the sweeping background of a Polish bakery.  In subtitles."
+"How about... Zbiegnew Speizak's ""The Purple Bread,"" an intensely portrayed tale of love and envy set against the sweeping background of a Polish bakery.  In subtitles."	I don't like... uh...  Polish love stories...  ... I like musicals.
+I don't like... uh...  Polish love stories...  ... I like musicals.	Well, we have plenty of those.  Right over here.  We got the MGM series, Astaire and Rogers, the Judy Garlands...
+Well, we have plenty of those.  Right over here.  We got the MGM series, Astaire and Rogers, the Judy Garlands...	Got any Ethel Merman?
+... Uh... we seem to be all out of Ethel Merman.	What a gyp.
+What a gyp.	Yeah.
+...I..uh..I get to read some of the books but mostly I..just calculate production costs from first edition hard cover publication to paperback. After paperback it's basically someone else's problem.	It sounds exciting.
+It sounds exciting.	Why does it sound exciting? There's absolutely nothing exciting about it.
+We mostly publish trashy romance novels.	Well - empires have fallen because of trashy romances...
+How do you know him?	We were neighbors for a couple for weeks on Sutton Place.
+What do you do - for a living I mean?	Well, I'm in search of the Holy Grail.
+Tell me more. I want to know everything.	There isn't any more to tell.
+There isn't any more to tell.	Don't say that.
+Don't say that.	No, really..believe me - there isn't any more. This is it.
+No, really..believe me - there isn't any more. This is it.	Well, it's enough for me.
+Well, it's enough for me.	You don't have to say that.
+You don't have to say that.	I never say anything I have to.
+I never say anything I have to.	I mean you don't have to say nice things to me... That kind of thing is a little old fashioned for what we're about to do.
+I mean you don't have to say nice things to me... That kind of thing is a little old fashioned for what we're about to do.	What are we about to do?
+What are we about to do?	Well... you're walking me home.  I... I guess you're sort of... attracted to me and you'll want to come upstairs for... coffee...
+Well... you're walking me home.  I... I guess you're sort of... attracted to me and you'll want to come upstairs for... coffee...	I don't drink coffee...
+I don't drink coffee...	... and then we'll probably have a drink and talk and get comfortable with each other and... and we'll... then you'll sleep over and then in the morning...  ... you'll be distant and you won't be... able to stay for breakfast... you'll just have some coffee maybe...
+... and then we'll probably have a drink and talk and get comfortable with each other and... and we'll... then you'll sleep over and then in the morning...  ... you'll be distant and you won't be... able to stay for breakfast... you'll just have some coffee maybe...	I don't drink coffee...
+I don't drink coffee...	And then we'll exchange phone numbers and you'll leave and never call and I'll go to work and feel great for the first hour and then slowly turn into a piece of dirt by lunch.  Why am I putting myself through this?  It was very nice... uh meeting you. Good night..
+Excuse me...	Listen, I'm not feeling well.
+Listen, I'm not feeling well.	Well, no wonder.  We just met, made love and broke up all in the space of thirty seconds and I can't even remember the first kiss which is the best part.
+Well, no wonder.  We just met, made love and broke up all in the space of thirty seconds and I can't even remember the first kiss which is the best part.	Listen, you're very nice... b...
+Listen, you're very nice... b...	So are you, but I think maybe you should shut up now...  ... I'm not coming up to your apartment.  That was never my idea.
+So are you, but I think maybe you should shut up now...  ... I'm not coming up to your apartment.  That was never my idea.	Oh... You mean you don't want to.
+Oh... You mean you don't want to.	Oh no, I want to.  I've got a hard-on for you the size of Canada... but I don't... want just one night.  I have a confession to make?
+Oh no, I want to.  I've got a hard-on for you the size of Canada... but I don't... want just one night.  I have a confession to make?	You're married.
+You're married.	No.
+No.	Divorced.
+Divorced.	No, I...
+No, I...	You have a disease.
+You have a disease.	Will you stop!...  ... I'm in love with you...
+... It's not just from tonight.  I've known you for a long time.  I see you come out of work every day.  I walk with you to lunch.  I know what you order... I see you buy Baby Ruths before going back in...  I know how you feel on certain days by whether or not you go into the bookstore...  ... I know you hate your job and you don't have many friends and you sometimes feel like you're not as... as wonderful as everybody else and you're a little uncoordinated  ... and feeling like you're the only one who's as separate and... alone as you are... and I love you.   I love you.  I think you're the greatest thing since... spice racks and I would be knocked out several times if I even got just a first kiss.  But I'll be back in the morning.  And I won't be distant.  And I will call if you let me... But I still don't drink coffee.	Shhh...
+See, I told you it was him...  Your name's Donnie something, right?	I leave it to you.
+I leave it to you.	My name is Shirley, but they call me Betty, and her name's Twinky.
+My name is Shirley, but they call me Betty, and her name's Twinky.	Twinky?
+Twinky?	"Yeah, 'cause she's so ""twinky""..."
+"Yeah, 'cause she's so ""twinky""..."	Well, Betty and Twinky, it sure is nice talking to you girls. I just wish I had more time...
+Well, Betty and Twinky, it sure is nice talking to you girls. I just wish I had more time...	That's a wig you wear, isn't it?
+That's a wig you wear, isn't it?	A wig?
+A wig?	Yeah, I told her it was you, but that you're wearing a wig, 'cause on TV you're mostly bald in the front.
+Yeah, I told her it was you, but that you're wearing a wig, 'cause on TV you're mostly bald in the front.	Your little friend's real sharp there...  Yeah, I don't like to wear the wig on TV, because with two and a half million people watching you, you've gotta be sincere. I just like to wear it when I'm out slippin' around bowling alleys an' things like that. I think it gives me a little more class, don't you?
+We gotta get on home an' relieve the sitter. Why'nt you an' Ray come on over.	Okay. Go ahead. I'll settle up for the beers...  An' walk Rayette over with you, will you.
+Give 'em the horn, Bob.	Look at these assholes! What the hell are they doing?!
+Well, id'n that nice.	It's ridiculous! I'm sitting here, listening to some asshole cracker compare his life to mine!
+If you're sayin' you're somethin' better'n what I am, that's one thing. But I can't say much a someone who'd run off an' leave a woman in a situation like this an' feel easy about it. An' that's all I gotta say.	I hope that's all you gotta say, El, 'cause I'm about as tired of your mouth as I am workin' this stinkin' hole!
+Tell me what in the hell's going on, Elton!	I got accused a robbin' a fillin'station down in the Indian Nation, didn' I tell you...
+You're not going to play it again.	Well, lemme play the other side then.
+Well, lemme play the other side then.	No.
+Now quit, Bobby. You said you're goin' a help me pick a song.	You said.
+You said.	"Well, lemme sing the one I picked an' see what you think...  ""When there's a fire in your heart/Break the glass/Sound the alarm..."""
+How 'bout if I just cut off your damn water?	I'm too moved by your gentility to speak.
+Sugar, you know how I feel about you, don't you? I'm just tryin' to get you to take an interest in my kind a things, an' what I'm tryin' to do with myself...  You know, there id'n anything in the world I wouldn't do for you, baby. I started livin' the day I found you, you know that?	You're playing the other side.
+Cerveza.	Serveza yourself!
+Serveza yourself!	Now, now.
+Now, now.	No, dammit, I would easy.
+Why'nt you take 'at sign off your tit, Ray, an' let's go on out.	Out where?
+I'll go out with you, or I'll stay here, and do anything you'd like for me to do... if you'll just do one thing. If you'll tell me that you love me.	You can sing the song.
+You can sing the song.	You know what, you are never satisfied.
+You know what, you are never satisfied.	That's right, hand.
+I'm tryin', baby, so don't start gettin' mad now.	No, I'm not mad at you, hand. It'll be all right. Just spot and follow through...
+Is it my turn again?	Right. Now show me a little somethin' this time, okay? Give me some form...
+I can't help it, honey, the ball just keeps goin' cocky wobbly on me...	Will you just do what the hell I tell you...
+Will you just do what the hell I tell you...	I did, didn' I, El?
+I did, didn' I, El?	You got another ball comin'.
+That was damn good, wad'n it? I finally did it...	Yeah, great.  Why don't you throw Z's for 19 frames, and then roll a strike on the last ball in the last frame of a losing game? Just wonderful.
+Come on. We're goin' over to Elton's.	I'm not.
+I'm not.	You just going to sit there?
+You just going to sit there?	Yes.
+Yes.	Okay. Hope no one hits on you.
+Okay. Hope no one hits on you.	I hope they do.
+Come on, DiPesto. We can still have a good time.	You're the pathetic one, not me.
+You're the pathetic one, not me.	I'm going on over there...
+I'm going on over there...	I'm not some piece a crap.
+I'm not some piece a crap.	I know you're not.
+I know you're not.	You treat me like I was.
+You treat me like I was.	I'm sorry.
+I'm sorry.	You go slippin' around in front a my face, an' in front a Elton an' Stoney. What do you imagine they think a someone you treat that way...
+You go slippin' around in front a my face, an' in front a Elton an' Stoney. What do you imagine they think a someone you treat that way...	Now, hand...
+Elton and Stoney know how I feel about you. An' they're just goin' to think I'm not too nice a guy, which I'm not, an' that you're a hell of a person puttin' up with me, that's all.	You're goin' a find me dead one time.
+You're goin' a find me dead one time.	Sssh, come on now...  Be a good girl.
+Sssh, come on now...  Be a good girl.	If you really want a get up an' leave me, you can read about it in the newsprint.
+If you really want a get up an' leave me, you can read about it in the newsprint.	I'm not going to get up an' leave you.  Now let's go over to El's an' have a good time.
+I'm not going to get up an' leave you.  Now let's go over to El's an' have a good time.	Do you love me, Bobby?
+I'll be gone two or three weeks.	You'll be gone, period.
+You like it?	I love it.
+I love it.	"""You'll be burned out/Or smoked out/An' come back to me, I know..."""
+"""Every trail that you blaze/Makes me..."""	What the hell is that?
+What?	I'll tell you...  ... l-a-t-e-r.
+Just one minute, you! Don't you ever talk to me like that!	Shut up! All of you!
+Are you depressed about your daddy, honey?	No.
+No.	I 'magine it's me then, id'n it?
+I 'magine it's me then, id'n it?	Is what you?
+Is what you?	You're depressed that I come along.
+You're depressed that I come along.	Who said I was depressed?
+Who said I was depressed?	Well, is that a happy face I see?
+'Cause if it was me, I could just catch a Greyhound back.	Oh, you're not going to kill yourself this time. I wish I'd known...
+Why can't I go out to your folks' house? Give me one good reason.	I have to see how things are first. My father's sick, you understand? They wouldn't be prepared for me bringing anyone.
+So how long am I supposed to sit an' twiddle my thumbs in this place?	If you can't do what I ask, Ray, use that money to go back home, then.
+If you can't do what I ask, Ray, use that money to go back home, then.	Bobby, don't talk like that...
+Okay, Ray...	Or maybe sit out by the pool an' get myself nice an' tan for you. Would you like that?
+Or maybe sit out by the pool an' get myself nice an' tan for you. Would you like that?	Sure...
+Sure...	It brings out my eyes...
+It brings out my eyes...	Bye, honey, I'll call you in a couple of days.
+Bye, honey, I'll call you in a couple of days.	Okay...
+This certainly is an improvement on the motel an' the coffee shop.  How could you have left such a beautiful place, Bobby?	I don't know.
+Rayette.	What?
+What?	Just finish eating.
+Just finish eating.	Oh, am I holdin' up dessert?
+It's all right. He don't mean anything by that.	I don't, huh?
+Bobby...	I can't talk to you right now, leave me alone...
+Come on.	Wait a sec. I want Tita to take a picture of you an' me in front of the place...
+Wait a sec. I want Tita to take a picture of you an' me in front of the place...	No, let's go...
+I'm gonna go in that cafe an' get some coffee. You want anything?	No.
+No.	You got any change?
+Sure you don't want anything?	Fill it up.
+Look at my car! Piece of shit! I just bought it brand new from a used-car lot, and the steering goes to the pot on me!	You're lucky no one was hurt.
+You're lucky no one was hurt.	Seven hundred dollars, down the toilet! I'd like to go back and punch the son of a bitch out! Can you give us a lift?
+What's your name?	Palm Apodaca.
+How far are you going to?	Washington.
+Washington.	We'll get off in Washington and hook another ride.
+We'll get off in Washington and hook another ride.	Where are you going?
+Where are you going?	Alaska.
+Alaska.	Alaska? Are you on vacation?
+You don't have to tell everybody about it. Pretty soon they'll all go there and it won't be so clean.	How do you know it's clean?
+How do you know it's clean?	I saw a picture of it. Alaska is very clean. It appeared to look very white to me... Don't you think?
+I saw a picture of it. Alaska is very clean. It appeared to look very white to me... Don't you think?	Yeah. That's before the big thaw.
+I had to leave this place. I got depressed, seeing all the crap. And the thing is, they're making more crap, you know? They've got so many stores and stuff and junk full of crap, I can't believe it.	Who?
+Who?	Who? People, that's who! Pretty soon there won't be room for anyone. They're selling more crap that people go and buy than you can imagine. Oofh! Crap! I believe everybody should have a big hole where they throw in all this stuff and burn it.
+Well...	It's just filthy. People are dirty. I think that's the biggest thing that's wrong with people. I think they wouldn't be as violent if they were clean, because then they wouldn't have anybody to pick on... Oofh... Dirt...
+Hey, mack!	Shut up.  You have bread, don't you, and a toaster of some kind?
+Fantastic! That you could figure all that out, and lay that down on her, to come up with a way you could get your toast.	I didn't get it, did I?
+I didn't get it, did I?	No, but it was very clever... I would of just punched her out.
+Can I get you anything else?	No. How much do I owe you?
+No. How much do I owe you?	Five'll do it.
+No substitutions.	What does that mean? You don't have any tomatoes?
+What does that mean? You don't have any tomatoes?	No. We have tomatoes.
+No. We have tomatoes.	But I can't have any. Is that what you mean?
+But I can't have any. Is that what you mean?	Only what's on the menu...  A Number Two: Plain omelette. It comes with cottage fries and rolls.
+Only what's on the menu...  A Number Two: Plain omelette. It comes with cottage fries and rolls.	I know what it comes with, but that's not what I want.
+I know what it comes with, but that's not what I want.	I'll come back when you've made up your mind...
+Wait, I've made up my mind. I want a plain omelette, forget the tomatoes, don't put potatoes on the plate, and give me a side of wheat toast and a cup of coffee.	I'm sorry, we don't have side orders of toast. I can give you an English muffin or a coffee roll.
+I'm sorry, we don't have side orders of toast. I can give you an English muffin or a coffee roll.	What do you mean, you don't have side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don't you?
+What do you mean, you don't have side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don't you?	Would you like to talk to the manager?
+I don't make the rules.	Okay, I'll make it as easy for you as I can. Give me an omelette, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast -- no butter, no mayonnaise, no lettuce -- and a cup of coffee.
+One Number Two, and a chicken sal san -- hold the butter, the mayo, the lettuce -- and a cup of coffee... Anything else?	Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, charge me for the sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.
+Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, charge me for the sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.	You want me to hold the chicken.
+You want me to hold the chicken.	Yeah. I want you to hold it between your knees.
+Wasn't it, ladies?	Are you talking to us?
+We been wantin' to ask you something. Are you the guy on YV?	Am I on TV?
+Am I on TV?	She says you're the one that sells all the cars on TV.
+She says you're the one that sells all the cars on TV.	Well, I don't claim to have sold 'em all. They still have some left, I believe.
+I'm gonna give you our number, Donnie, just in case...  We're both professionals, if you didn't guess.	Well, you seem very professional...
+Well, you seem very professional...	I always tell everyone the same thing. I got rolled and beat up real bad recently, and since then it's two for one, an' I work strictly in tandem with Betty...
+Tea.	Would you tell her Bobby's here?
+Oh my goodness... Bobby...	Hi, Tita.
+Robert Eroica...	Now don't...
+Now don't...	No, I'm not...  I'm not.
+No, I'm not...  I'm not.	That's good.
+I just can't look at you.	Don't, then.
+You always do this to me.	Well, I don't mean to.  Here's your tea, Tita.
+Well, I don't mean to.  Here's your tea, Tita.	Thank you...  Oh no, don't put it on there...
+Sorry.	This is a very special, very old CB 275...
+This is a very special, very old CB 275...	Oh.
+Oh.	You know who it once belonged to?
+You know who it once belonged to?	No.
+No.	Waldnit von Schnechter. Prewar.
+Waldnit von Schnechter. Prewar.	No kidding.
+Robert...	Very nice.
+Very nice.	I have to talk seriously with you...
+I have to talk seriously with you...	Everybody still up on the Island?
+Everybody still up on the Island?	Well, Herbert's mostly on the mainland because of the orchestra, so at the moment, there's just Daddy, Carl and myself... and Van Oost.
+Well, Herbert's mostly on the mainland because of the orchestra, so at the moment, there's just Daddy, Carl and myself... and Van Oost.	Who's Van Oost?
+Who's Van Oost?	Catherine -- she's a pianist. She's working with Carl.
+Catherine -- she's a pianist. She's working with Carl.	Carl's a fiddler. What's he doing coaching piano?
+Carl's a fiddler. What's he doing coaching piano?	Well, 11 months ago he was on his bicycle, on his way to the post office in La Roche... and he ran into a Jeep and sprained his neck...
+It's not funny. He permanently sprained his neck, and since then it's been extremely difficult for him to tuck the violin.	Crashes into a Jeep and totals his neck.  That's Carl...
+Crashes into a Jeep and totals his neck.  That's Carl...	Robert, I have to tell you something...
+Robert, I have to tell you something...	What?
+What?	Daddy's very ill.
+Daddy's very ill.	Oh, well, what, what's he...
+Oh, well, what, what's he...	He's had two strokes.
+He's not... They feel he... maybe he might not recover, and that he'll either...	Don't tell me about this...
+Yeah... I guess so...	I'm going back up tonight. Will you go with me?
+I'm going back up tonight. Will you go with me?	No...
+I'd rather drive up myself and... maybe go into Canada after... And I can't stay long, Tita, probably a week, at the most.	I know.
+Well...  I better let you...	Wait...
+Maybe you better stay, then.	No, I need to talk to you, about so many things...
+No, I need to talk to you, about so many things...	Well, I'll be seeing you in a couple of days, won't I?
+Oh God, I'm so glad, Robert, that you're coming...	Yeah, me, too...
+Yeah, me, too...	It'll be so good for you, and for Daddy, because you know, you've never really...
+It'll be so good for you, and for Daddy, because you know, you've never really...	Tita, I've got to go...
+Tita, I've got to go...	All right...
+Well, I really appreciate it, Carl.	I don't think you should infer Daddy was wrong in front of him...
+How long have you been staying here?	A couple of months.
+He has ways of communicating, Robert. I can tell when he's expressing approval or disapproval, just from his eyes...	Uhm hmm. Some range.
+Uhm hmm. Some range.	It's not that bad.
+It's not that bad.	Yes, it is. I can't take seeing him, sitting there like a stone.
+Yes, it is. I can't take seeing him, sitting there like a stone.	A week or two isn't going to ruin your life, for Godsakes.
+I mean, you think I'm that happy?	No, I don't.  You should've left a long time ago.
+No, I don't.  You should've left a long time ago.	We can't all get up and leave, can we? I mean, there are certain needs you have to respond to...
+What questions?	Well, do you -- I mean, have you enjoyed all these... strange things you've been doing?
+Well, do you -- I mean, have you enjoyed all these... strange things you've been doing?	Sometimes.
+Why? Am I some kind of freak to you or something?	No, no, I don't think that, I'm just curious about it...  Do you think I'm a freak?
+No, no, I don't think that, I'm just curious about it...  Do you think I'm a freak?	Sort of.
+Oh no... Why? What is it? The way I look?	No, I don't really think you're a freak.
+No, I don't really think you're a freak.	I probably am, but I don't care. I mean, I wasn't that blessed to begin with, and when would I have had time to make any improvements...
+I probably am, but I don't care. I mean, I wasn't that blessed to begin with, and when would I have had time to make any improvements...	What about Carl and Catherine? Is he just coaching her, or what?
+What about Carl and Catherine? Is he just coaching her, or what?	Constantly. Night and day. And unless I get up before the birds, I can't get in any practice time for myself...
+Constantly. Night and day. And unless I get up before the birds, I can't get in any practice time for myself...	Uhm hmm.
+Uhm hmm.	Actually, it's very admirable, the way she works. She'll probably be enormously successful, because she's attractive as well, not that that's so important in music, but...
+Actually, it's very admirable, the way she works. She'll probably be enormously successful, because she's attractive as well, not that that's so important in music, but...	You're attractive, Tita. If you just did a little more with yourself...
+You're attractive, Tita. If you just did a little more with yourself...	Like what?
+Like what?	Well, if you just maybe did something with your hair, or...
+Well, if you just maybe did something with your hair, or...	Oh, let's not talk about my hair, it does what it wants to, and anyway, who cares, I want to talk about you...
+Oh, let's not talk about my hair, it does what it wants to, and anyway, who cares, I want to talk about you...	There's nothing to say, Tita...
+Well, you're not going to run out on me right away, are you?	I don't know.
+Do you want some gingerbread?	What?
+What?	With applesauce?
+With applesauce?	No, thanks...
+Look at that.	Why are you being so mean?
+Why are you being so mean?	I'm not. He does walk funny. Don't you see that?
+I don't think I'd notice. I'm so used to Carl.	Yeah, well, he's...
+I think he's got a terrific personality.	You know, he was formerly a sailor.
+Look, can't you see that, what I'm talking about?	Sailors are sadistic, I feel.
+Where is she, anyway?	My turn.
+It's none of your business!	Where's Catherine?!
+Where's Catherine?!	I don't know where she is!
+I'm talking to you, Tita!	Can't I have anything to myself, dammit?!
+You're leaving?	Yeah. I said a week, and I've overstayed myself...
+Yeah. I said a week, and I've overstayed myself...	You were going without saying goodbye?
+You were going without saying goodbye?	I didn't want to say goodbye to anyone.
+I didn't want to say goodbye to anyone.	But what about me?
+But what about me?	I'll say goodbye to you, Tita.
+Bye, now.	Bye, Robert.
+What have you been doing since then?	What have I been doing? Different things, different jobs, here and there. Nothing that interesting.
+What have I been doing? Different things, different jobs, here and there. Nothing that interesting.	And you no longer play at all?
+Hello...	I guess you fell in the water.
+I guess you fell in the water.	Yes, intentionally.
+Yes, intentionally.	That's dangerous, you know.
+That's dangerous, you know.	Swimming?
+Swimming?	Playing piano all day and then jumping into cold water. You could get a cramp.
+I love to swim, and I don't mind the cold at all. It's invigorating.	Well, I wouldn't want to get too invigorated myself.
+Well, I wouldn't want to get too invigorated myself.	Why?
+Why?	What would I do with it? Run amok?
+Besides piano and swimming, what else do you do?	Well, there's fishing and boating. There's concerts on the mainland and... but I feel silly telling you. This is really your home. You probably know better than I what there is to do.
+Well, there's fishing and boating. There's concerts on the mainland and... but I feel silly telling you. This is really your home. You probably know better than I what there is to do.	Nothing.
+Nothing.	Nothing? Then it must be very boring for you here.
+Nothing? Then it must be very boring for you here.	That's right. Have you anything to suggest?
+That's right. Have you anything to suggest?	I don't know. Let me give it some thought.
+Right now I'm going to run a hot tub and soak myself.	Then after that?
+After that, I plan to read some music and rest for awhile.	Tomorrow, then.
+Tomorrow, then.	Tomorrow's a full practice day...  But the day after is kind of open.
+Carl has hydrotherapy on Tuesdays.	The day after tomorrow.
+The day after tomorrow.	If you're free.
+If you're free.	Yeah, I'll probably be free.
+One thing that's hard to understand is how you could have this incredible background in music, and then just walk away from it, without a second thought...	I gave it a second thought.
+I mean, how could you not play anymore? That's so strange to me...	I have played a few times. Here and there. As a matter of fact, I was once a rehearsal pianist for a Las Vegas musical revue.
+I have played a few times. Here and there. As a matter of fact, I was once a rehearsal pianist for a Las Vegas musical revue.	You don't call that music, though.
+You don't call that music, though.	Of course I do. It's music. You know...
+That was beautiful, Robert. I'm surprised...	Thank you.
+Thank you.	I was really very moved by the way you...
+Is that funny?	It wasn't supposed to be, it just struck me that way.
+It wasn't supposed to be, it just struck me that way.	Why?
+Why?	Nothing. It's just that... I picked the easiest piece I could remember. I think I first played it when I was 8 years old and I played it better then.
+Nothing. It's just that... I picked the easiest piece I could remember. I think I first played it when I was 8 years old and I played it better then.	It doesn't matter. It was the feeling I was affected by.
+It doesn't matter. It was the feeling I was affected by.	I didn't have any.
+I didn't have any.	You had no inner feeling?
+You had no inner feeling?	None.
+None.	Then I must have been supplying it.
+Wait...	Well, at least you're accomplished at something...
+Well, at least you're accomplished at something...	What?
+What?	At being a fake.
+Catherine...	No, you're very good at it. I'm really impressed.
+You think I'm a fake.	I think it's what you think.
+I think it's what you think.	No, it isn't what I think.
+No, it isn't what I think.	Look... You made a very calculated move, and then made me feel embarrassed for responding to you. That wasn't necessary.
+Yes, it was. You've made it clear that if I can cut a little piano, I might get a little response.	I don't think that's accurate...
+I don't think that's accurate...	Up to now, what I've been getting from you are meaningful looks over the dinner table and a lot of vague suggestions about the day after tomorrow...
+Up to now, what I've been getting from you are meaningful looks over the dinner table and a lot of vague suggestions about the day after tomorrow...	I'm not conscious of having given you any meaningful looks. And as for the day after tomorrow, this is the day after tomorrow, and I am, unfortunately, seeing you... Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to take a bath.
+It's convenient to fake looking for something right now, isn't it?	I'm not faking anything. I'm looking for some bath oil...
+I'm not faking anything. I'm looking for some bath oil...	Some bath oil?
+I don't find your language that charming.	It's direct, anyway, which seems to be difficult for you.
+It's direct, anyway, which seems to be difficult for you.	I'd like you to leave now. Is that direct enough?
+Serious, that's what's important to you?	Yes, that's what's important to me...
+No, don't do that...	Shut up...
+No inner feeling.	That's right.
+That's right.	I don't believe vou.
+I married him when I was 17. He was a cellist, and I thought he was the most brilliant man I'd ever met... And I'm sure he was, because at that age, I hadn't met that many... But he was insidious, you know. He had me convinced that I was a mediocrity, musically, as a woman, as an intellect. But in this completely imperceptible, pleasant way, so that you weren't even sure he was doing it. Anyway, I just woke up one morning and I said, you know something Joseph, you're full of beans, and I left him...	That's what you said?
+That's what you said?	Something witty and devastating like that.
+As a matter of fact, he's the one who introduced me to Carl...  How are you?	I'm fine.
+I'm fine.	Carl restored my confidence. He really did. He's much more substantial than you give him credit for.
+Carl restored my confidence. He really did. He's much more substantial than you give him credit for.	Is he?
+Is he?	Yes.
+Do you think you could discreetly move across the hall now?	Yeah, I think I could.
+Robert?	What?
+What?	I could spend some time with you tomorrow morning, before Carl comes back, I mean, if you'd like to.
+I could spend some time with you tomorrow morning, before Carl comes back, I mean, if you'd like to.	Of course I'd like to.
+Where are you going?	I'm going to pick up some friends of Carl's. Are you all right?
+I'm going to pick up some friends of Carl's. Are you all right?	I have to talk to you.
+I have to talk to you.	I'll be back later...
+No, I want to talk to you now. I have to explain something about...	No, you don't have to, it isn't necessary...
+No, you don't have to, it isn't necessary...	Yes, it is!
+No, I can't...	Will you let me talk to you, please?
+Will you let me talk to you, please?	I can't do that. I haven't been being fair to Carl. I have to tell you that.
+I can't do that. I haven't been being fair to Carl. I have to tell you that.	Oh. You have to tell me that.
+Oh. You have to tell me that.	What?! I can't hear you!
+I'm sorry everything's been so confusing, but I have to go, Robert...	Catherine...
+Catherine...	Please, I'll see you later this evening.
+No. It's useless, Robert. It wouldn't work, not ever...	Just give me a chance, will you?
+Just give me a chance, will you?	I'm trying to be delicate with you, but you're not understanding me. It's not just because of Carl, or my music, but because of you...  I mean, what would it come to? If a person has no love for himself, no respect, no love for his work, his family, his friends, something... How can he ask for love in return? I mean, why should he ask for it?
+And living out here, in this rest home asylum, that's what you want?	Yes.
+Yes.	That'll make you happy.
+That'll make you happy.	I hope it will, yes.  I'm sorry.
+Four or five years.	No, the last time was three years ago.
+Did you hear about my misfortune, Robert?	What?
+What?	It's still nearly impossible for me to turn my neck. If I wanted to turn toward Catherine, for instance, I'd first have to twist the whole base of my body around...  ... like this...
+She's tremendously gifted, this girl.	Is she?
+I hope you feel at home, Robert.  I'm really glad you're here.	Thanks, Carl...
+Robert, do you mind?	What?
+What?	Nothing. Will you excuse us for a while?
+You sure you should be playing, Carl?	What do you mean? Aside from my neck, I'm in superb shape.
+I'm not aware of it. Like what?	Your serve. Two -- Eighteen.
+I've walked across a stage a number of times, without exciting any particular response...	That's what I mean...
+See? There's nothing wrong with the way I walk. Now where are we?	At game, Carl.
+That's three games to none, Carl.	All right, let's have a rematch.
+All right, let's have a rematch.	I thought you had to go to the mainland today. Aren't you going to miss the ferry?
+Oh, for chrissakes...	Robert, let's not be rude, okay?
+Robert, I think you better just...	You're all full of shit!
+Come on, get moving, dammit!!	Will you shut up for a minute!!  Pull your car out of line.
+Haven't you got a jacket or anything with you?	No, I don't, I uh... it got burned up. Everything in the car got the shit burned out of it. All I got left is what I have on...
+No, I don't, I uh... it got burned up. Everything in the car got the shit burned out of it. All I got left is what I have on...	I've got an extra jacket behind the seat, if you want to put it on.
+I've got an extra jacket behind the seat, if you want to put it on.	No, it's okay.
+No, it's okay.	Suit yourself. But I'll tell you, where we're headed is gonna get colder'n hell.
+Suit yourself. But I'll tell you, where we're headed is gonna get colder'n hell.	It's all right. I'm fine.
+You've been staying in a motel all this time?	For two whole weeks, an' there wasn't hardly nobody there to talk to but me. The manager of the place told me it was the off season, an' it must a ben, because other'n me, there was just this 25-year-old kid, DeLyon, that didn't appear to be all there, an' this old married pair next to me that was always hollerin' for quiet. Can you imagine? All you could a heard there was a pin, an' them, hollerin' away...
+For two whole weeks, an' there wasn't hardly nobody there to talk to but me. The manager of the place told me it was the off season, an' it must a ben, because other'n me, there was just this 25-year-old kid, DeLyon, that didn't appear to be all there, an' this old married pair next to me that was always hollerin' for quiet. Can you imagine? All you could a heard there was a pin, an' them, hollerin' away...	I don't understand why you had to stay in a motel. There's more than enough room here.
+I don't understand why you had to stay in a motel. There's more than enough room here.	Well, I was goin' to, but Bobby said he hadda kind of feel things up here first, which I can understand, but then it went an' took so long, I ran flat outa money...  I didn't have no number to call, you know.  So I hadda clear outa there an' come on up here, in the hopes that I wouldn't be intrudin' myself...
+Well, I was goin' to, but Bobby said he hadda kind of feel things up here first, which I can understand, but then it went an' took so long, I ran flat outa money...  I didn't have no number to call, you know.  So I hadda clear outa there an' come on up here, in the hopes that I wouldn't be intrudin' myself...	Oh, no. You're more than welcome.
+Oh, no. You're more than welcome.	Well, thank you, that's a very nice thing for you to say.
+Well, thank you, that's a very nice thing for you to say.	Not at all.
+No, you're not. Go ahead and take your time.	I do eat slow as a bird, whereas Bobby can put it away like a speed swing...  Is there any ketchup around?
+What kind of doggy is that?	It's a Borzoi.
+It's a Borzoi.	Oh, uh huh. I had a little kittycat once, that Bobby give me...
+Oh no, it's been much more than that.	Away from the piano, Tita, you have no sense of time at all.
+Away from the piano, Tita, you have no sense of time at all.	I don't think that's true.
+I don't think that's true.	It is true.
+It is true.	Besides being very rude.
+You know, just after I came back off tour with the Betenthaller Quartet, Dad, myself and Herbert had a summit conference about you...	"Oh, my, ""a summit conference."" I wonder where I was, polishing silver behind the coal bin."
+"Oh, my, ""a summit conference."" I wonder where I was, polishing silver behind the coal bin."	I don't know where you were, penis envy.
+I don't know where you were, penis envy.	I hope I didn't hear that.
+I hope I didn't hear that.	"At any rate, Dad wanted to hire a private detective to ferret you out, and I said, ""What for?"" Whatever the hell he's doing, even if it's a completely wasteful escapade, it's entirely his business. Simple as that..."
+What's wrong, Carl, you hardly ate anything...	I took some aspirin and it really upset my stomach.
+And what about love?	What about it? Wouldn't you agree that a great deal of mischief has been done in the name of love?
+What about it? Wouldn't you agree that a great deal of mischief has been done in the name of love?	No, I wouldn't.
+No, I wouldn't.	Well, you're a romantic, Catherine, as are most musicians, and what's more, about to be married...
+... which should exclude you from any objective discussion. But keep in mind, even the arts aren't free of aggressive content, nor the institution of marriage.	"I think these cold, ""objective"" discussions are aggressive, Samia..."
+But I'd like to say, so that I don't dampen the spirit of your adventure...	You haven't dampened my spirit, Samia... Excuse me.
+You haven't dampened my spirit, Samia... Excuse me.	Well, I should hope not...
+Come on, Terry, we got a ride!	Jesus, what a rude person...
+There'd never be a hole big enough. Now took at me, for instance, when I was just one person, before Bobby, I had so much garbage collectin' onto me every day, I was thinkin' about gettin a dispose all...	A dispose-all, what's that but more crap? I've never seen such crap. Oofh, I don't know how people get up in the morning.
+Well...	Not dirt. See, dirt isn't bad. It's filth. Filth is bad. That's what starts maggots and riots...
+Hey, follow that truck. They know the best places to stop.	That's an old maid's tale.
+That's an old maid's tale.	Bullshit! Truck drivers know the best eating places on the road.
+Salesmen and cops are the ones. If you'd ever waitressed, honey, you'd know.	"Don't call me ""honey,"" mack."
+"Don't call me ""honey,"" mack."	"Don't call me ""mack,"" honey."
+"Don't call me ""mack,"" honey."	I wouldn't be a waitress. They're nasty and full of crap.
+I wouldn't be a waitress. They're nasty and full of crap.	You better hold onto your tongue!
+You better hold onto your tongue!	Hold onto this.
+Mass production is what does it.	"What do you mean ""mass""... I have to come out and tell you, you're not that clean, either."
+"What do you mean ""mass""... I have to come out and tell you, you're not that clean, either."	Wait a minute. I'm not that neat, maybe, but I am clean.
+Wait a minute. I'm not that neat, maybe, but I am clean.	Well, you're not that bad, but some people... I mean, people's homes, just filth. I've been in people's homes...
+Well, you're not that bad, but some people... I mean, people's homes, just filth. I've been in people's homes...	In my personal observation, I think that more people are neat than are clean...
+In my personal observation, I think that more people are neat than are clean...	In my personal thing, I don't see that. I'm seeing more filth. A lot of filth. What they need to do every day, no, once in a while, is a cockroach thing, where they spray the homes. And uh... can you imagine, if their doors were painted a pretty color, and they had a pot outside, with...
+In my personal thing, I don't see that. I'm seeing more filth. A lot of filth. What they need to do every day, no, once in a while, is a cockroach thing, where they spray the homes. And uh... can you imagine, if their doors were painted a pretty color, and they had a pot outside, with...	Yeah, it could be adorable...
+Yeah, it could be adorable...	And they picked up! I mean, it wouldn't be filthy, with Coke bottles and whiskey, and those signs everywhere...
+And you know, I read where they invented this car that runs on... that runs on... when you boil water...	Steam.
+Steam.	Right, steam. A car you could ride around in and not cause a stink. But do you know, they will not even let us have it. Can you believe it? Why?! Man! He likes to create a stink. I wrote them a note once, and told them to clean it... I mean, don't you see that? It's just filthy! I mean, I've seen filth you wouldn't believe! Oofh, what a stink! I don't even want to talk about it...
+John believes in the basic goodness of man, and that's fine, but gaze into the pit like I have and that view seems a little soporific. And not unlike television, it hardly represents the real world...	There's some good things on it, though.
+There's some good things on it, though.	Pardon me?
+Pardon me?	The TV. There's some good things on it, sometimes.
+The TV. There's some good things on it, sometimes.	I strongly doubt it, but I wasn't really discussing media...
+"The choice of words, ""squashed flat,"" juxtaposed against the image of a fluffy kitten..."	Well, she was.
+Well, she was.	Perhaps...
+Miss Dupea.	Yes.
+I'd like to remind you again, this isn't an opera or a musical comedy.	Oh... I'm sorry. Was I singing again?
+Oh... I'm sorry. Was I singing again?	If you want to call it that.
+If you want to call it that.	Well, you have to simply tell me, that's all.
+Well, you have to simply tell me, that's all.	That's exactly what I am doing, again.
+That's exactly what I am doing, again.	Do you have to let me get halfway through the movement first? This is tiring me.
+Do you have to let me get halfway through the movement first? This is tiring me.	I have a suggestion. Why don't we take a break.
+I have a suggestion. Why don't we take a break.	Oh, for pity's sake...
+Don't fuck wit' me! Don't fuck wit' me.  My lawyer's so good he'll have you workin in Alaska, so dress warn.	Aaron, how you doin'?
+Aaron, how you doin'?	Fine.
+Fine.	Look at me.
+Look at me.	What?
+What?	Why you have an attitude for?
+Why you have an attitude for?	Not now, I'm busy
+Not now, I'm busy	God, I just wanna speak to you. I just wanna speak to you the way I feel about you.
+God, I just wanna speak to you. I just wanna speak to you the way I feel about you.	Hurry up, you're wastin' my time, what the fuck.
+Please don't scream at me. I like you, but I don't like the way your attitude is.	So get the fuck outta here.
+I wanna go out with you, I want to be part of your life. I want you to treat me the way a girlfriend should be treated.	Then don't go out with me.
+Then don't go out with me.	"For once in your life have some 	respect for me, don't even curse at me or nothin'."
+"For once in your life have some 	respect for me, don't even curse at me or nothin'."	Now she's tellin' me what the fuck to do.
+Now she's tellin' me what the fuck to do.	God, you drive me crazy. I just want you to know how I feel and you don't understand.
+God, you drive me crazy. I just want you to know how I feel and you don't understand.	Just get the fuck outta here.
+Alright, tell me, what'd you hear?	There's a rumor that you were tryin' to get somebody to beat me up.
+There's a rumor that you were tryin' to get somebody to beat me up.	What chu listening to rumors for? I'm not like dat.
+What chu listening to rumors for? I'm not like dat.	Is it true?
+I told you, no. I'm not that type.	Then I want you to go to whoever's sayin' that and tell them to stop.
+Then I want you to go to whoever's sayin' that and tell them to stop.	Alright.
+Who are you?	I'm wit' Carlos.
+Do you have a name?	Victor.
+Victor.	What?
+What?	Victor.
+Wussup?	Wussup.
+Yo.	Hi.
+Hi.	Remember me, from the pool?
+Remember me, from the pool?	Um. Yeah! Shorty!
+So watcha doin'?	Nothin'.
+Nothin'.	What are you doin' here?
+What are you doin' here?	I, umm, came to see you.
+I, umm, came to see you.	You know somebody around here?
+You know somebody around here?	No.  What you do today?
+No.  What you do today?	Oh you know, cleaned the house, cooked. Took care of my little sisters. Sit down. So where's Carlos?
+Oh you know, cleaned the house, cooked. Took care of my little sisters. Sit down. So where's Carlos?	I guess he's outside someplace I don't like takin' him down to certain places.
+Whadja wanna see me about?	I just wanted to see you.
+So you got a girl?	Of course.
+Of course.	So what's her name?
+So what's her name?	You know. I got a lot, more than one.
+You know. I got a lot, more than one.	A play-ya.
+A play-ya.	You got a boyfriend?
+You got a boyfriend?	Me? No. Don't want none either. Such bastards, man.
+So wadda you do with your girls?	Just chill.
+Just chill.	That's it?
+That's it?	Nah, we make out and stuff.
+So what you think of me?	You look good.
+You look good.	I look good, that's it. So what else do you do for these girls?
+I look good, that's it. So what else do you do for these girls?	I buy them flowers.
+I buy them flowers.	How you treat them?
+How you treat them?	Good. I'm faithful to them.
+See, I got you, you are so scared. I don't believe that you kissed no girls. That you got three girls and that you faithful and this and that.	I did.
+I did.	Well, you know I'm standin' here and you say I look good?
+Well, you know I'm standin' here and you say I look good?	I kissed those girls.
+I kissed those girls.	No you didn't, you ain't provin'it.
+No you didn't, you ain't provin'it.	I aint gotta prove nothin' to no girl, 'cause I got it like dat.
+I aint gotta prove nothin' to no girl, 'cause I got it like dat.	Oh, 'cause you got it like dat?
+Come down!	I can't!
+Who gives!	I can't, I'm gonna get punished more!
+Wussup?	Wussup, Victor.
+Wussup, Victor.	Yo, can I talk to you for a minute?
+Eddie from Compost?	Eddie from Baruch, the one who was sittin' wit' dat little girl;
+Why don't you ask Eddie?	Yo, Carlos-I'm gonna punch you.
+Why?	I got punished, man.
+I got punished, man.	Fa what?
+Fa what?	I won't let my motha cut my hair.
+I won't let my motha cut my hair.	Wha'?
+Wha'?	She fucks it all up!
+She fucks it all up!	Forget it! C'mon Let's go to the pool.
+Forget it! C'mon Let's go to the pool.	I can't man, I'm punished!
+They are?	Yeah! Tell me which one you would like. To be doin' nothin on a fire escape or beat the pool with a bunch of girls? Be straight up!
+Yeah! Tell me which one you would like. To be doin' nothin on a fire escape or beat the pool with a bunch of girls? Be straight up!	I'll be right down.
+So what girls are over there?	Natasha, Maria, Tina-
+Natasha, Maria, Tina-	These are the pretty girls you told me to come down for?
+What are you going that way for?	I'm not goin' to 10th Street, people piss and shit in that pool,
+I'm not goin' to 10th Street, people piss and shit in that pool,	Where you goin'?
+Where you goin'?	Pitt.
+Pitt.	Oh man, what we gotta leave ar' own neighborhood for?
+Oh man, what we gotta leave ar' own neighborhood for?	C'mon.
+C'mon.	Man, if I go down you're goin' down with me.
+Amanda is Eddie's cousin.	Eddie from Compost?
+Eddie from Compost?	No, Baruch.
+I gotta go take a piss.	If we were at 10th Street Pool you woulda done it right in the water, right?
+Yo, remember from the pool, that girl?	Which one?
+Which one?	You know, Eddie's cousin.
+The one with the phat ass?	No, c'mon, stop playin'. The girl that you kissed when we got there. Where s he live at?
+I'm gonna punch you. What you want with her anyway? You in love with her?	She lives near Eddie?
+She lives near Eddie?	I think she lives down by Pitt.
+I think she lives down by Pitt.	Near Natasha's? Or over by Boy's Club?
+Near Natasha's? Or over by Boy's Club?	I think by Twenty-two.
+I think by Twenty-two.	For real?
+For real?	What you want with her anyway'
+Yo! What you goin' for	'Cause you know what, you're not supposed to know but yesterday she lent me her pills for her Moms and if I don't give 'em to her she's gonna die. You want her to die?
+How does he look up close?	Umm, he got dark brownish eyes, he got a nice nose I love his nose. I love his skin. I love his lips, he got a great smile and he got-
+Umm, he got dark brownish eyes, he got a nice nose I love his nose. I love his skin. I love his lips, he got a great smile and he got-	A bad attitude.
+A bad attitude.	Yeah, he got a bad attitude.
+Yeah, he got a bad attitude.	You said before, that he got boxes?
+Yeah, he got boxes in his stomach. He's taller than me.	How old is he?
+How old is he?	I think he's 18 or 17.
+I think he's 18 or 17.	You gonna talk to him?
+You gonna talk to him?	Um, yeah I think so.
+Like this?	Yeah, that's right, you got it girl.
+Now salsa, you know how to dance salsa?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Okay, then dance. Show.
+You looking for somebody?	Wha'?
+Wha'?	You here to see somebody?
+You here to see somebody?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Who?
+Who?	A girl named Amanda.
+A girl named Amanda.	What she look like?
+What she look like?	She's like this high, dark hair, skinny
+She's like this high, dark hair, skinny	Yo, that's my girl.
+Yo, that's my girl.	She didn't say she had no man.
+She didn't say she had no man.	I suggest you turn around and go back to where you came from.
+You sure? She's got kind of like brown hair.	Positive.
+Positive.	You sure?
+You sure?	Positive.
+Positive.	My friend told me she lived around here.
+My friend told me she lived around here.	Your friend must be misinformed.
+Your friend must be misinformed.	Didn't I see you at Pitt yesterday?
+So what do you want with her anyway?	I'm a good friend of hers.
+I'm a good friend of hers.	How do I know you're not lying.
+How do I know you're not lying.	Yo, I know what you're thinking, that I'm one of those guys that keep coming up to her.
+Yo, I know what you're thinking, that I'm one of those guys that keep coming up to her.	Probably.  One of the many.
+Probably.  One of the many.	What?
+What?	Nothing.
+No.	So, then whadda ya want?
+You wanna do somethin' with me?	Not really.
+Not really.	Hey!
+Hey!	Wha'?
+Where you know Amanda from?	Jus' from around the way.
+Jus' from around the way.	You live around here?
+You live around here?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	You gotta girLfrLend?
+I know how ta get him back if you want.	Nah.
+First of all, let me just reiterate that this is not a formal investigation. I'm not going through formal channels here, because if Alan Stanwyk is not involved in any improprieties, then nobody has to know I was even --	Alan Stanwyk is not involved in improprieties. Where the hell does the S.E.C. come off --
+Look. You know that and I know that, but somebody's bucking for a promotion. I think it's that bozo, Hanrahan, I can't be sure. Anyway, unless I go back there with something, you and your son-in-law are next week's scapegoats.	Unbelievable.
+Unbelievable.	I feel like dirt. They even want to know what he's doing in Utah?
+I feel like dirt. They even want to know what he's doing in Utah?	Utah?  Jesus Christ! First of all, Alan Stanwyk does not own one share of stock.The three million dollars for the ranch in Provo comes from my daughter who converted some of her personal holdings, not company holdings. Now if anybody in DC wants to make something of that, bring 'em on. Until then, get the hell out of my face.
+Utah?  Jesus Christ! First of all, Alan Stanwyk does not own one share of stock.The three million dollars for the ranch in Provo comes from my daughter who converted some of her personal holdings, not company holdings. Now if anybody in DC wants to make something of that, bring 'em on. Until then, get the hell out of my face.	God I admire you.
+God I admire you.	By the way: what kind of name is Poon?
+By the way: what kind of name is Poon?	Comanche Indian.
+Yes sir, you are confirmed on Flight 306 to Rio tomorrow evening at 11 PM. First Class.	You're kidding.
+You're kidding.	Would you like me to change anything?
+Would you like me to change anything?	So he's going. Uh... are there any other tickets charged to the same account?
+So he's going. Uh... are there any other tickets charged to the same account?	We'd have no way of knowing that, sir.
+We'd have no way of knowing that, sir.	Hmm. It's just that there are some other people from my office going on this trip and... is there anyone in the seat next to me?
+Never heard of him. Thanks anyway.	You mean her.
+You mean her.	What?
+What?	Sally Ann Cavanaugh. Oh wait, she couldn't work in your office, she's not from around here.
+Sally Ann Cavanaugh. Oh wait, she couldn't work in your office, she's not from around here.	Oh, thanks.
+Maybe tonight?	Whaddyamean 'maybe'?
+Whaddyamean 'maybe'?	That's what he said.
+That's what he said.	He doesn't know? How come he doesn't know?
+He doesn't know? How come he doesn't know?	I don't know how he doesn't know. He doesn't know.
+I don't know how he doesn't know. He doesn't know.	Sonofabitch.
+Sonofabitch.	Wonder who his supplier is.
+Wonder who his supplier is.	I have no idea.
+I have no idea.	I wasn't asking.
+I wasn't asking.	He never leaves the beach, Fat Sam. Never leaves. Sits in that chair, he's outta junk. Then he suddenly gets up, he's got junk. So where does it come from? Through the sand?
+He never leaves the beach, Fat Sam. Never leaves. Sits in that chair, he's outta junk. Then he suddenly gets up, he's got junk. So where does it come from? Through the sand?	I think that's highly unlikely, Creasy.
+I think that's highly unlikely, Creasy.	I ought to get some sleep.
+I ought to get some sleep.	Creasy, how old are you?
+Creasy, how old are you?	Nineteen.
+Nineteen.	You're not taking real good care of yourself.
+Hey, what are you doing?	Fletch, this is dumb.
+Fletch, this is dumb.	You don't have to run with me, Crease.
+Fletch!	What goddamn right do you have to take him?
+Hey you're really nuts.	They didn't do anything.
+They didn't do anything.	What? What are you talking about?
+What? What are you talking about?	I busted their window, they didn't do anything.
+I busted their window, they didn't do anything.	You're lucky.
+You're lucky.	Not luck. They don't want me.
+You decorate this yourself or did Mrs. Chief of Police help you?	You should have seen what she wanted to do with the place. Mauve.  So what's your name?
+You should have seen what she wanted to do with the place. Mauve.  So what's your name?	Fletch.
+Fletch.	Full name.
+Full name.	Fletch F. Fletch
+Fletch F. Fletch	I see. And what do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?
+I see. And what do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?	I'm President of the International Fletch Corporation.
+Why are you doing this Mr. Fletch?	Frankly sir, you look a little like my father. Probably explains the curious feeling of love I have for you.
+Frankly sir, you look a little like my father. Probably explains the curious feeling of love I have for you.	For a gentleman who was just found holding a bag full of heroin...
+For a gentleman who was just found holding a bag full of heroin...	It was planted on me, sir.
+It was planted on me, sir.	We're looking at five years, maybe ten. Is that what you want... Jane Doe?
+Your editor called me yesterday to respond to allegations you're about to print about police involvement in narcotics dealing. Fletch starts to get up, but Cummings plants his foot on Fletch's chest, forces him back down.	I'm about to break that beach wide open, and I don't need some pennyante Woodward and Bernstein getting in the way of my men.
+I'm about to break that beach wide open, and I don't need some pennyante Woodward and Bernstein getting in the way of my men.	'Your men' might just be involved in all this.
+'Your men' might just be involved in all this.	You idiot. Off the record, deep background: I've got that beach crawling with undercover cops.
+You go back to that goddamn beach, I swear to God I'll make you regret it.	Hey, you and Tommy Lasorda. That's great.
+You can't keep me here.	Maybe I'm not going to keep you here.  Maybe I'm gonna blow your brains out.
+Maybe I'm not going to keep you here.  Maybe I'm gonna blow your brains out.	I'm no lawyer, but I do believe that's a violation of my rights.
+After I shoot you, I stick the knife in my arm, then place it in your dead hand. Self-defense. We don't do this very much anymore... but we have. Got rid of a lot of minorities that way.	My God, you're serious.
+My God, you're serious.	Ask anybody.
+Ask anybody.	Can I ask anybody now?
+Can I call my Mom? I'd like to tell here how much I've always loved her.	What'll it be Fletch?
+I hate the beach. Wouldn't go there if you paid me. Besides, I'm way overdue on my story about off-track betting in the Himalayas. You don't think it's the mafia, do you?	Its been very nice meeting you. I enjoy your column.
+Speaking of which, you're not going to print anything before my investigation is through, are you?	Not a prayer.
+Not a prayer.	That a boy.
+Thanks for coming down to see us.	Not at all, Chief. But next time... no tongue, okay?
+Greetings, everyone.	Thank God, the police.
+This one's going to be even more fun.	Go ahead. Make my evening.
+What the hell are you doing here?	Put the gun down, Alan. I'll take care of them.
+I've got it all under control, Jerry. You can go now.	Under control? You idiot. You didn't know who he was?
+Fat Sam left the beach today. So did Gummy. It began to occur to me that some things are beginning to happen that maybe I should be aware of.	I said I'll take care of it. Now, a man of your position shouldn't be a part of what's about to go down. So go home and I'll call you tomorrow.
+I said I'll take care of it. Now, a man of your position shouldn't be a part of what's about to go down. So go home and I'll call you tomorrow.	What, 'long distance?' I couldn't help but hear you say something about Rio, Alan. You're not leaving with the eight hundred thousand dollars I staked you for the next load, are you?
+Jerry, you're simply going to have to trust me. I've got a foolproof way to get rid of this guy and now you're jeopardizing everything.	Your 'foolproof' way is going to land my ass on the front page while you're basking in Rio.
+So where do you know Alan from?	We play tennis at the club.
+We play tennis at the club.	Really. The California Racquet Club?
+Really. The California Racquet Club?	Yes.
+Yes.	That's my club too. I haven't seen you there.
+That's my club too. I haven't seen you there.	Well, I haven't played in a while because of these kidney pains.
+Well, I haven't played in a while because of these kidney pains.	Right, and how long have you had these pains, Mr. Barber?
+Right, and how long have you had these pains, Mr. Barber?	That's Babar.
+That's Babar.	Two bs?
+Two bs?	One. B-a-b-a-r.
+One. B-a-b-a-r.	That's two.
+That's two.	But not right next to each other. I thought that's what you meant.
+But not right next to each other. I thought that's what you meant.	Arnold Babar. Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?
+Arnold Babar. Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?	I don't know. I don't have any.
+I don't know. I don't have any.	No children?
+No children?	No books. No elephants either. No really good elephant books.
+No books. No elephants either. No really good elephant books.	Still, it'd an odd name. I don't remember seeing it on the club registry.
+Oh, I don't belong formally. I've gone with my aunt.	Your aunt?
+Your aunt?	Mrs. Smith.
+Mrs. Smith.	Joan or Margaret Smith.
+Joan or Margaret Smith.	Right.
+Right.	Well, which one?
+Well, which one?	Margaret.
+Margaret.	Funny old bird.
+Funny old bird.	Is she ever. I've got some stories....
+Is she ever. I've got some stories....	I'll bet. Shame about Ed.
+I'll bet. Shame about Ed.	It was. Really a shame. To go so suddenly.
+It was. Really a shame. To go so suddenly.	Oh, he was dying for years.
+Oh, he was dying for years.	Sure, but the end was so sudden.
+Sure, but the end was so sudden.	He was in intensive care for eight weeks.
+He was in intensive care for eight weeks.	Yes, but the very end, when he actually died, that was extremely sudden.  You know, Alan and I were recently speaking of dying. Told me Boyd Aviation took out a lot of insurance on him. You must have to be in some kind of perfect health to get that kind of policy.
+Yes, but the very end, when he actually died, that was extremely sudden.  You know, Alan and I were recently speaking of dying. Told me Boyd Aviation took out a lot of insurance on him. You must have to be in some kind of perfect health to get that kind of policy.	Bend over and drop your pants, Mr. Babar.
+Bend over and drop your pants, Mr. Babar.	Oh really, there's no need to -- we don't want to do that...
+Oh really, there's no need to -- we don't want to do that...	Just relax....
+Just relax....	Honest, I feel fine. You better be married.
+Did I say 'kidneys'? I meant my ear. Maybe I should see an ear dahhh --  Ever serve time?	Breathe easy...
+Breathe easy...	Anyway, I'm surprised Alan got the policy so easily. I know there's a history of cancer in the family.
+Anyway, I'm surprised Alan got the policy so easily. I know there's a history of cancer in the family.	There is?
+There is?	Whoa, look out there. You really need the whole fist?
+Whoa, look out there. You really need the whole fist?	Just relax.
+Just relax.	Gee, Alan's been looking kind of sick lately. Is he all right?
+Gee, Alan's been looking kind of sick lately. Is he all right?	I can't discuss another patient. You know that.  Well, I can't find anything wrong with you.
+I can't discuss another patient. You know that.  Well, I can't find anything wrong with you.	I'm sure it's not for a lack of looking. Maybe I should get a real complete physical. You give Alan an annual, don't you?
+I'm sure it's not for a lack of looking. Maybe I should get a real complete physical. You give Alan an annual, don't you?	Yeah, we check you into Mt. Hebron for a few days, run lots of tests, charge a bundle. You can pull your pants up now.
+Yeah, we check you into Mt. Hebron for a few days, run lots of tests, charge a bundle. You can pull your pants up now.	I hope they still fit. Do I get to keep the glove?
+I hope they still fit. Do I get to keep the glove?	Tell the nurse when you've got a few free days. She'll make all the arrangements.
+Tell the nurse when you've got a few free days. She'll make all the arrangements.	Thanks, Doc. Maybe I'll come back with a date. Or an elephant.
+So what do you figure?	No idea.
+No idea.	No idea at all?
+No idea at all?	Okay. Some idea.
+Okay. Some idea.	Like when?
+Like when?	Like tonight.
+Like tonight.	For sure?
+For sure?	No, not for sure. When it comes, it comes. You gonna want some shit?
+No, not for sure. When it comes, it comes. You gonna want some shit?	I think I’d rather have drugs.
+I think I’d rather have drugs.	Fletch...
+Fletch...	Sorry. I find a little humor really brightens things up around here, don’t you?
+Jesus.	You don't know me.
+You don't know me.	My pleasure.
+My pleasure.	I'm serious, Sam.
+I'm serious, Sam.	What, the heat here?
+What, the heat here?	Affirmative.
+Affirmative.	The two surfer boys?
+The two surfer boys?	Affirmative.
+Affirmative.	Thought so. What for?
+Thought so. What for?	For me. I'm a reporter, Sam. I'm breaking the drug story and I got the chief red-handed. Gummy gave me a deposition.
+For me. I'm a reporter, Sam. I'm breaking the drug story and I got the chief red-handed. Gummy gave me a deposition.	You gonna nail the chief?
+You gonna nail the chief?	I'm gonna nail the chief. And you can help or --
+I'm gonna nail the chief. And you can help or --	Oh, I'll help, Fletch. I'm a slave to that sonofabitch. He busted me, third offense, gave me a choice: Work for him or do fifteen long. All I get out of this is free snort.
+Oh, I'll help, Fletch. I'm a slave to that sonofabitch. He busted me, third offense, gave me a choice: Work for him or do fifteen long. All I get out of this is free snort.	You don't have a piece of the action?
+You don't have a piece of the action?	Noooo. Free snort. That's it.
+Noooo. Free snort. That's it.	Wait five minutes, and go to my office. You'll get federal protection after that.
+Wait five minutes, and go to my office. You'll get federal protection after that.	Gonna need it. That boy is dangerous. Fletch?
+Gonna need it. That boy is dangerous. Fletch?	What?
+What?	You find the source?
+You find the source?	Gum thought Brazil.
+Gum thought Brazil.	Rio. Know how he gets it in the country? Some big shot airline executive flies it in on company jets. Very impressive operation, Fletch. Very impressive.
+It's me doctor Rosenpenis. I just have to take another peek at Alan Stanwyk's file. What have they done with this place?	Nothing. They're still there.
+Nothing. They're still there.	Right. Fine.
+Are you all right, Doctor?	Where am I?
+Where am I?	You're in the Records Room.
+You're in the Records Room.	I'm fine.
+I'm fine.	Can I get you something?
+Can I get you something?	Have you got a make-shift plywood pillory? Heh Heh, just kidding.
+Have you got a make-shift plywood pillory? Heh Heh, just kidding.	Doctor Holmes went to get you some smelling salts. He was quite surprised that you fainted.
+Doctor Holmes went to get you some smelling salts. He was quite surprised that you fainted.	Well, I didn't want to say anything, but I thought the dead man was my brother.
+Well, I didn't want to say anything, but I thought the dead man was my brother.	Oh my God!
+Oh my God!	It's all right. It wasn't him but that spleen was a splitting image.
+Oh, God, I think I'm about to hyperventilate. Have you got a paper bag, or something.	Yes, right away.
+Here you are, Doctor.	Thank you.
+Is there anything particular you're looking for?	My associates did a biopsy on this man recently.  He's supposed to have a melanoma, or a carcinoma, some kind of noma. Hmmm. I can't seem to find any record of it.
+My associates did a biopsy on this man recently.  He's supposed to have a melanoma, or a carcinoma, some kind of noma. Hmmm. I can't seem to find any record of it.	Well, if he had one, it would certainly be in here.  Wait. Here it is. Yep. Surgical removal of two moles. Tissue was benign.
+Well, if he had one, it would certainly be in here.  Wait. Here it is. Yep. Surgical removal of two moles. Tissue was benign.	That's it?
+That's it?	That's it.
+That's it.	This was last month. So Alan Stanwyk does not have cancer.
+This was last month. So Alan Stanwyk does not have cancer.	I guess not.
+I guess not.	He'll be so relieved.
+Refusal to pay alimony is a jailable offense, Fletch.	What about breaking and entering?  Are you wearing anything under that?
+What about breaking and entering?  Are you wearing anything under that?	I did not break nor enter. I simply chose an advisable location to await my client's delinquent husband.
+I did not break nor enter. I simply chose an advisable location to await my client's delinquent husband.	I hate to conduct business on the lanai. Why don't we step inside.
+You owe Wendy nine hundred and eighteen dollars.	She doesn't need the money, for crissakes. She's living with Monty. I know it.
+She doesn't need the money, for crissakes. She's living with Monty. I know it.	I don't know what you're referring to. Wendy maintains her own residence.
+I don't know what you're referring to. Wendy maintains her own residence.	It stinks. I thought woman were independent now.
+It stinks. I thought woman were independent now.	Until she remarries, Fletch.
+Until she remarries, Fletch.	Hey, shut up, okay? I just hate this.
+Hey, shut up, okay? I just hate this.	I empathize with your plight, Fletch. However, you threw her out.
+I empathize with your plight, Fletch. However, you threw her out.	She was sleeping with everybody. The cable TV guy. You can't get lower than that...
+She was sleeping with everybody. The cable TV guy. You can't get lower than that...	You should have proved that in a court of law.
+You should have proved that in a court of law.	My lawyer was a bum.
+My lawyer was a bum.	I agree.
+I think he was sleeping with Wendy, too.	You may be right.
+You may be right.	Are you serious?
+Are you serious?	That's history, Fletch. You owe us nine hundred and eighteen dollars.
+That's history, Fletch. You owe us nine hundred and eighteen dollars.	Wait a minute! Our problems might be solved.
+Damn... lost again. Sorry.	This is no joke. If some kind of payment isn't made, we're going to have to contact the paper and garnish your wages.
+Cash. I'm impressed.	Found it in a cab. That's a grand. Apply the difference to next month.
+Found it in a cab. That's a grand. Apply the difference to next month.	Till then.
+Good evening.	I like your outfit. You got the fifty grand and the plane ticket?
+I like your outfit. You got the fifty grand and the plane ticket?	Of course.
+Why don't you check it out for yourself, Mr. Nugent?	Because I trust you, Alan. By the way, the name's Fletcher. I.M. Fletcher. I write a newspaper column under the name Jane Doe.
+Because I trust you, Alan. By the way, the name's Fletcher. I.M. Fletcher. I write a newspaper column under the name Jane Doe.	What?
+Read this, please.	Wait a second --
+Wait a second --	Cut the crap and read it.
+He is lifting Stanwyk's two attaché cases.	Pretty hefty. Keep reading.
+Pretty hefty. Keep reading.	'...with his legal wife, the former Sally Ann Cavanaugh.'
+He doesn't read my stuff well.  'Sally Ann and Alan were married four years ago and never divorced, making Stanwyk a bigamist even in Utah. Stanwyk is also traveling with three million dollars in cash, the result of Gail Stanwyk's conversion of Boyd Aviation stock. Mrs. Stanwyk believed the money was to be used to purchase property in Utah, but it wasn't; a fact that can be confirmed by realtor James Swarthout of Provo.'  That was stupid, Alan.	I'd have been long gone.
+I'd have been long gone.	Ahem.  'Sally Ann can confirm all this when the police pick her up at the Airport Marriott.'
+Bravo, Mr. Fletcher.	The thing that really tipped it off for me was something your wife said to me while we were in bed together.
+And what was that?	How similar in build you and I are. Then I figured it. You bump me off, throw me in the car, and burn me up.
+I was already prepared to commit one murder. What makes you think I won't commit two?	Whoops.
+I'm Harry S. Truman from Casewell Insurance Underwriters.	Harry S. Truman?
+Harry S. Truman?	My parents were great fans of the former President.
+My parents were great fans of the former President.	Isn't that nice. Good man. Showed the Japs a thing or two.
+Isn't that nice. Good man. Showed the Japs a thing or two.	Sure did. Dropped the big one on them.
+Sure did. Dropped the big one on them.	Dropped two big ones. Real fighter. You're in the insurance line, Harry?
+Dropped two big ones. Real fighter. You're in the insurance line, Harry?	Right.
+Right.	Well, I'm fully covered.
+Well, I'm fully covered.	I don't doubt it, Mr. Stanwyk. Actually, my company is the sub- insurer of the subsidiary carriers of a policy held by Alan Stanwyk, who I believe is your son.
+I don't doubt it, Mr. Stanwyk. Actually, my company is the sub- insurer of the subsidiary carriers of a policy held by Alan Stanwyk, who I believe is your son.	Yes. Where you from, Harry?
+Yes. Where you from, Harry?	California. San Berdoo. Utah's part of my route. Can I ask you a few questions?
+California. San Berdoo. Utah's part of my route. Can I ask you a few questions?	Come on in.
+Regulations, Mr. Stanwyk. And you and your wife, named....	Velma.
+Velma. You and Velma are the parents of Alan Stanwyk, Beverly Hills, California, executive vice president of Boyd Aviation?	Check.
+Check.	Okay.  Now, the last time you saw your son was when?
+Okay.  Now, the last time you saw your son was when?	Oh, about ten days ago.
+Ten days ago?	That's right. Alan comes by every three weeks or so.
+Isn't that nice. Since when?	Since he moved to L.A.
+Forgive me now for seeming personal, but we understand that there is a lady friend he sees here in Provo.	What the hell does this have to do with insurance?
+What the hell does this have to do with insurance?	Trust me, sir. It's a comprehensive policy.
+Trust me, sir. It's a comprehensive policy.	Well, you can forget about that lady friend business, Alan's the most loyal husband a girl could have. He dotes on that bride of his.
+Has he?	Boy, what the hell's the matter with you?
+Boy, what the hell's the matter with you?	Then he has.
+Then he has.	Course he has. That's his wife.
+He sighs.	And they're still married... Alan and Sally Ann.
+And they're still married... Alan and Sally Ann.	Of course they are.
+Lets see, it was before he moved to L.A... four years April.	Mrs. Stanwyk, may I borrow this picture. I promise to send it back to you. It's routine, really. The actuarial people need to --
+I'm calling the police. Then I'm leaving. You wait here for them.	Where are you going?
+Where are you going?	Away. I think it might take you a while to get your life back together. You don't need me around.  Don't go back in there.
+I really creamed the sonofabitch, didn't I?	You sure did.
+John Ultramalensky, right?	Right.
+Right.	God, I haven't seen you since the wedding.
+God, I haven't seen you since the wedding.	Gee, I must have been shit-faced at your wedding, I don't --
+Gee, I must have been shit-faced at your wedding, I don't --	Not mine, stupid. Yours.
+Not mine, stupid. Yours.	What are you doing here?
+I couldn't sit home and play the mournful widow anymore, and the police didn't need me, so I tried watching a Lakers game on TV, but the announcer talked to fast and I couldn't understand a lot of what was happening, so I figured if I came down here maybe you could explain the rules to me, and besides, I missed you.	No problem.
+Hi Sam. Hi Fletch.	Hi Gummy. How’s the eye?
+Hi Gummy. How’s the eye?	It’s okay. The cops did it.
+It’s okay. The cops did it.	I know.
+I know.	They busted me last week.
+They busted me last week.	They bust you every week.
+They bust you every week.	I know. I got bad luck or something.
+I'm the Sufi.	Fletch?
+Fletch?	Don't call me Fletch. Don't look at me. Lie back down. We'll talk.
+Don't call me Fletch. Don't look at me. Lie back down. We'll talk.	What?
+What?	Cops are here. I can smell them. They're after me. Lie down, Gum.
+Why are they after you?	Because I'm a newspaper reporter and I'm nailing Chief Cummings as the source for drugs on the beach. You're in big trouble, Gummy.
+Fat Sam is turning state's evidence.	What's that?
+What's that?	He wrote me a nice deposition. He says he just received the drugs. You did the selling.
+He wrote me a nice deposition. He says he just received the drugs. You did the selling.	I didn't sell nothing! I didn't sell nothing! I just carried the drugs from the Chief to Sam.
+I didn't sell nothing! I didn't sell nothing! I just carried the drugs from the Chief to Sam.	Sure you did.
+Sure you did.	Fletch, I never sold nothing.
+Fletch, I never sold nothing.	Twenty years.
+Where does the Chief get the drugs?	I dunno. Somewhere in South America, I forget.
+I dunno. Somewhere in South America, I forget.	Rio de Janeiro, maybe?
+Rio de Janeiro, maybe?	Maybe, Fletch. Is that Brazil?
+Maybe, Fletch. Is that Brazil?	That's Brazil.
+That's Brazil.	Yeah. Maybe.
+Yeah. Maybe.	Wait here for me, Gummy.
+We can't talk about it here.	Why not?
+Why not?	Because we can't.
+Because we can't.	Are you on a scavenger hunt of some kind?
+Are you on a scavenger hunt of some kind?	I want you to come to my house. Then we'll talk.
+I want you to come to my house. Then we'll talk.	I think you've got the wrong gal, fella.
+I think you've got the wrong gal, fella.	I'll give you a thousand dollars cash just to come to my house and listen to the proposition. If you reject the proposition, you keep the thousand, and your mouth shut.
+I'll give you a thousand dollars cash just to come to my house and listen to the proposition. If you reject the proposition, you keep the thousand, and your mouth shut.	Will this proposition entail my dressing up as Tina Turner?
+Will this proposition entail my dressing up as Tina Turner?	It is nothing of a sexual nature I assure you.  One thousand, just to listen. I don't see how you could turn that down Mr...
+It is nothing of a sexual nature I assure you.  One thousand, just to listen. I don't see how you could turn that down Mr...	Nugent. Ted Nugent.
+Nugent. Ted Nugent.	Alan Stanwyk.
+Alan Stanwyk.	Charmed.
+Then I found out Hopalong Cassidy had shot himself in the game room. That just blew it for me.	Who?
+Who?	Hopalong Cassidy. Killed himself here. Bow and arrow. Strange.
+I don't work for you yet, assface. Don't talk to me like that.	Come inside.
+Here's my proposition, Mr. Nugent.	I'm all ears.
+I'm all ears.	I want you to murder me.
+You don't look sick, Mr. Stanwyk.	I don't feel sick. Not yet. They tell me it'll start getting bad in about a month. After that... well, I'd rather not be around for it.
+I don't feel sick. Not yet. They tell me it'll start getting bad in about a month. After that... well, I'd rather not be around for it.	Why don't you try suicide?
+Why don't you try suicide?	My company has taken out a very large insurance policy on me. And I have a wife. Suicide would nullify my insurance. Murder does not.
+My company has taken out a very large insurance policy on me. And I have a wife. Suicide would nullify my insurance. Murder does not.	So why pick me?
+So why pick me?	You're a drifter, a -- pardon the expression -- beach bum. No one would notice if you disappeared. I've watched you for a couple weeks.
+You're a drifter, a -- pardon the expression -- beach bum. No one would notice if you disappeared. I've watched you for a couple weeks.	Maybe I'm just on vacation.
+Maybe I'm just on vacation.	Not with the scum you hang out with. I've watched. I've thought. Its a perfect scheme. I even have a perfect escape plan for you.
+Not with the scum you hang out with. I've watched. I've thought. Its a perfect scheme. I even have a perfect escape plan for you.	Did it ever occur to you that I might not want to kill you?
+Did it ever occur to you that I might not want to kill you?	I've got fifty thousand dollars says you will.
+I'm still here.	I want it done Thursday evening, around eight PM. My wife will be off to the club for a committee meeting. It's the staff's night off.  These will be open.
+I want it done Thursday evening, around eight PM. My wife will be off to the club for a committee meeting. It's the staff's night off.  These will be open.	Wouldn't they normally be locked?
+Wouldn't they normally be locked?	Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The staff usually forgets.
+Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The staff usually forgets.	I have the same problem with my help.
+I have the same problem with my help.	I will be here in the room, waiting for you. The safe will be open and there will be fifty thousand dollars in it. You will be wearing rubber gloves. Do you own rubber gloves?
+I will be here in the room, waiting for you. The safe will be open and there will be fifty thousand dollars in it. You will be wearing rubber gloves. Do you own rubber gloves?	I rent them. Monthly lease, with an option to buy.
+I rent them. Monthly lease, with an option to buy.	In this drawer....
+A .357.	Very good. My .357. Use it and no one can trace it to you. The room will be in some disarray.
+Very good. My .357. Use it and no one can trace it to you. The room will be in some disarray.	So it looks like a burglary attempt. You catch me. I get the gun, and shoot you.
+So it looks like a burglary attempt. You catch me. I get the gun, and shoot you.	Precisely. Are you a good shot?
+Precisely. Are you a good shot?	What's the difference? The noise'll kill you first.
+What's the difference? The noise'll kill you first.	Get me on the first shot, if you can.
+Get me on the first shot, if you can.	I don't think you'll have to worry about that.
+Do you have a passport?	Sure, all drifters do.
+Sure, all drifters do.	Fine. After you kill me, take the Jaguar. The keys will be in the glove compartment.
+Fine. After you kill me, take the Jaguar. The keys will be in the glove compartment.	Take it where?
+LAX. Go to the Pan Am desk. There will be a ticket waiting for you.	Where am I going?
+Where am I going?	Rio. Flight 306. Departs at eleven PM.
+Rio. Flight 306. Departs at eleven PM.	They serve dinner on the flight?
+They serve dinner on the flight?	It'll be a first class-ticket. I'm sure you'll enjoy the ride. I would recommend staying down there at least a year, Mr. Nugent.
+It'll be a first class-ticket. I'm sure you'll enjoy the ride. I would recommend staying down there at least a year, Mr. Nugent.	You've certainly thought this out, haven't you?
+You've certainly thought this out, haven't you?	I am not someone who leaves a great deal to chance, Mr. Nugent.
+I am not someone who leaves a great deal to chance, Mr. Nugent.	You sure those doors will be open?
+You sure those doors will be open?	Yes. All you provide are the gloves, the passport, and the aim. I'll take care of everything else.
+Yes. All you provide are the gloves, the passport, and the aim. I'll take care of everything else.	The gun, the money, the tickets, and the dying.
+The gun, the money, the tickets, and the dying.	That's right.
+That's right.	You sure got the hard part.
+You sure got the hard part.	What do you say, Mr. Nugent? You'll be doing me and my family a great service.
+Will you kill me?	Sure.
+Yo!	Can I steal you for a minute?
+Can I steal you for a minute?	Only if you promise not to return me.
+Only if you promise not to return me.	Deal.
+Deal.	'Magic' today, huh?
+'Magic' today, huh?	Kareem's in the wash. I need a favor.
+Kareem's in the wash. I need a favor.	Shoot.
+Shoot.	Don't say shoot, okay.
+Did you hear something?	Not me.
+Not me.	Me neither. See what we've got on a guy named Alan Stanwyk, okay? I need it right away.
+W-Y-K no 'c.' I'll be down in a minute.	No problem, boss.
+'Mr. Stanwyk, of Provo, Utah, is a former commercial pilot.'	Married Boyd Aviation. He's no dummy, that's serious coin.
+Married Boyd Aviation. He's no dummy, that's serious coin.	'Stanwyk's parents, Marvin and Velma Stanwyk, also of Provo, were unable to attend the wedding.'
+'Stanwyk's parents, Marvin and Velma Stanwyk, also of Provo, were unable to attend the wedding.'	Not our kind of people, you understand.
+Not our kind of people, you understand.	Spot right here.
+Thanks.	You doing a story on this guy?
+You doing a story on this guy?	Maybe.
+'...Stanwyk, blahblahblah, with internist Doctor Joseph Dolen.'	I wonder if that's his doctor.
+I wonder if that's his doctor.	Only one way to find out.
+Nothing on Gail Stanwyk, nothing on Jim Swarthout. But I did ---	That's okay, Lar. I gotta put this on the back burner for a while.
+Did you say cops?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	That's one thing I did find. It's from last month, so it was in the unsorted pile.
+My hero.	Nothing to it.
+I overheard it. He thinks you're completely out of control, he said he was gonna can you as soon as he got the story. If I were you, I'd just chuck it, Fletch. Screw him. Let him eat three full pages on Sunday.	You kidding? I got an unbelievable story here, Lar. Un-believable. Jesus. It's the cops, I know it. The Chief! And they're all over Frank.
+You kidding? I got an unbelievable story here, Lar. Un-believable. Jesus. It's the cops, I know it. The Chief! And they're all over Frank.	I just thought... sure.  Sally Ann Cavanaugh.
+I just thought... sure.  Sally Ann Cavanaugh.	Check every hotel in L.A. Start with the ones near the airport. Yeah. He's about to leave the country with her. Thanks, Lar.
+Cute young thing, too.	I'm sorry?
+I'm sorry?	His bride. Cute as a button.
+His bride. Cute as a button.	You've met her?
+Of course, his wife's name is Sally Ann Cavanaugh?	Cute thing.
+Cute thing.	Do you happen to have a picture of Alan and his wife?
+Do you happen to have a picture of Alan and his wife?	Oh, we've got lots of pictures. Let me show you some.
+She's cute as a button.	How long have they been married?
+Oh, that's all right, I've got lots more. Want to see the reception?	No, thank you.
+No, thank you.	How about Marvin's sixty-fifth birthday party?
+I haven't seen you since the wedding, Jeez, you look great.	I do? Oh, isn't that sweet, thank you. I have to confess something to you. I must have been pretty plowed at your wedding. I really don't have the faintest idea who you are.
+I do? Oh, isn't that sweet, thank you. I have to confess something to you. I must have been pretty plowed at your wedding. I really don't have the faintest idea who you are.	Huh? No, not my wedding. Yours.
+Huh? No, not my wedding. Yours.	Oh, mine! Thank God.  Actually, that doesn't make it any better, does it? Are you a friend of Alan's?
+Oh, mine! Thank God.  Actually, that doesn't make it any better, does it? Are you a friend of Alan's?	We used to fly together. I'm... John.
+We used to fly together. I'm... John.	John! You used to fly together!
+John who?	John Ultrarelamensky.
+John Ultrarelamensky.	Oh, I'm sorry. It's a beautiful name, really.
+Oh, I'm sorry. It's a beautiful name, really.	It's Scotch-Rumanian.
+It's Scotch-Rumanian.	That's a strange combination.
+That's a strange combination.	So were my parents.
+So were my parents.	Mind if I keep practicing? I need to work on my ground stroke a little.
+Mind if I keep practicing? I need to work on my ground stroke a little.	Please.
+Damn, I thought I had that one.	You should play with much larger tennis balls. So how's Alan?
+You should play with much larger tennis balls. So how's Alan?	What are you asking me for? He's so busy lately I hardly see him. And he's been so preoccupied.
+What are you asking me for? He's so busy lately I hardly see him. And he's been so preoccupied.	Preoccupied with what?
+Preoccupied with what?	Oh, personal stuff. Look! I hit one!
+Why do you keep doing this?	I love the outfits.
+Stay!  I must be having an off day. I'm really a fabulous player.	I have this effect on lots of women.
+I have this effect on lots of women.	I bet you do.
+I bet you do.	Say, the reason I asked about Alan is that I bumped into him this morning and you know what I can't figure out?
+Say, the reason I asked about Alan is that I bumped into him this morning and you know what I can't figure out?	Alan's in Utah.
+Alan's in Utah.	I can't figure out why I went to Utah for the morning.
+I can't figure out why I went to Utah for the morning.	Okay. I'm delighted to have someone to talk to, and you're very cute, so I'm very flattered, but I'm also very married so you may as well forget -- You are trying to hit on me, aren't you?
+Okay. I'm delighted to have someone to talk to, and you're very cute, so I'm very flattered, but I'm also very married so you may as well forget -- You are trying to hit on me, aren't you?	I'm such a heel. How'd you guess?
+I'm such a heel. How'd you guess?	If I had a nickel for every one of Alan's flyboy buddies who tried to pick me up, I'd be a rich woman.
+If I had a nickel for every one of Alan's flyboy buddies who tried to pick me up, I'd be a rich woman.	You are a rich woman.
+You are a rich woman.	See what I mean?
+What's he doing in Utah?	None of your business, now go away. You're throwing my game off.
+Who is it?	It's John. John...  Znhcneelsky.
+It's John. John...  Znhcneelsky.	John Ultramalensky?
+Hi.	Hi.
+Hi.	I was hoping you'd say that.
+Uh... I'm just out of the shower.	Can I borrow your towel for a minute?
+I'm sorry, I'm just surprised to see you. I didn't think... What do you want?	I ordered lunch.
+I ordered lunch.	You ordered it here?
+You ordered it here?	Well, I knew this is where my mouth would be.
+Well, I knew this is where my mouth would be.	Down boy.
+I really should change.	No, I think you should stay the same wonderful person you are today.
+No, I think you should stay the same wonderful person you are today.	I mean put clothes on.
+I mean put clothes on.	Here, take mine.
+Have you gotten cuter since I last saw you?	Yes.
+Lunch...	God...
+All this goes on Underhill's bill?	I saved his life during the war.
+I saved his life during the war.	You were in the war?
+You were in the war?	No. He was. I got him out.
+'I've been so many places in my life and times. I've sung a lot of songs, I've made some bad rhymes...'	It's amazing.
+It's amazing.	'I've acted out my life on stages, with ten thousand people watching...'
+'I've acted out my life on stages, with ten thousand people watching...'	Your bone structure, shoulders, neck...
+Your bone structure, shoulders, neck...	'But we're alone now, and I'm singing this song for you.'
+'But we're alone now, and I'm singing this song for you.'	Just like Alan. It's freaky.
+Just like Alan. It's freaky.	Can I ask you a question?
+Can I ask you a question?	Depends on the question.
+Depends on the question.	Are you still in love with Alan?
+Are you still in love with Alan?	No.  I mean, 'no you can't ask me that.' I mean, ask me something else.
+No.  I mean, 'no you can't ask me that.' I mean, ask me something else.	Why'd you let me in?
+Why'd you let me in?	Because I'm bored. Oh, that sounds terrible, doesn't it. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I also let you in because I'm hungry.
+Because I'm bored. Oh, that sounds terrible, doesn't it. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I also let you in because I'm hungry.	Thanks, I feel much better. Listen, if you're so bored, why didn't you go to Utah with Alan?
+Thanks, I feel much better. Listen, if you're so bored, why didn't you go to Utah with Alan?	Utah is not exactly a cure for boredom.
+Utah is not exactly a cure for boredom.	Good point.
+Good point.	Oh, listen to me. I've never even been there and look what I say about it. Anyway, I know there'd be nothing for me to do. I don't even know anybody there.
+Oh, listen to me. I've never even been there and look what I say about it. Anyway, I know there'd be nothing for me to do. I don't even know anybody there.	What about his parents?
+What about his parents?	He never sees them and I never met them.
+He never sees them and I never met them.	How come?
+Thanks for the great time.	What is this?
+What is this?	Long story.
+I'll be leaving now, Mrs. Stanwyk.	I think you should call me Gail, now.
+I think you should call me Gail, now.	Gail. I hope this won't embarrass you in any way. I think Underhill's a yutz, you won't have any trouble with him.
+Gail. I hope this won't embarrass you in any way. I think Underhill's a yutz, you won't have any trouble with him.	Why did you do it?
+A four hundred dollar lunch tab!	Yeah.
+Yeah.	I'll cover it. You have any other surprises?
+I'll cover it. You have any other surprises?	Yeah. My name's not John Ultramalensky and I wasn't at your wedding.
+Who.	Irwin Fletcher. I write a newspaper column under the name Jane Doe.
+So?	So, your husband hired me to kill him. That's the truth.
+So, your husband hired me to kill him. That's the truth.	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	That's what I want to know.
+He told me he was dying of cancer. Not True. That ranch you thought you were paying for in Utah? Not true.	How do you know about that?
+How do you know about that?	He's a bad guy, Mrs. Stanwyk. Gail. I think he's involved in something very big and very bad.
+He's a bad guy, Mrs. Stanwyk. Gail. I think he's involved in something very big and very bad.	What does all this mean?
+What does all this mean?	Have you ever heard the name Jim Swarthout?
+Have you ever heard the name Jim Swarthout?	Swarthout. Yes. He's the man who sold us the ranch in --
+Swarthout. Yes. He's the man who sold us the ranch in --	Wrong. He sold you $3,000 worth of scrub brush.
+Wrong. He sold you $3,000 worth of scrub brush.	But I've seen the deed.
+But I've seen the deed.	You saw a forgery.
+Here's this dog that tried to eat me. Here's my motel. Here's the car I rented...	Stop it.  Are you saying my husband is defrauding me?
+Stop it.  Are you saying my husband is defrauding me?	I don't know. All I know is that he told me a lot of things and so far not one of them has been true.
+No. You can't. Look, I know you don't know me from Adam, but you've got to trust me.	Trust you? I may seem a little goofy at times, but I'm not a complete Bozo, you know.
+Trust you? I may seem a little goofy at times, but I'm not a complete Bozo, you know.	Just give me twenty-four hours. Please. Someone almost killed me today. People are not being nice lately, and I don't want you getting hurt. I think you're terrific. Are you a Laker fan?
+No... I've got to go to Mr. Underhill...	I'll take you to a game.
+I'll take you to a game.	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	I'm talking about how much I'd like to take you to a Laker game.
+I'm talking about how much I'd like to take you to a Laker game.	Wait a second. What am I supposed to do for twenty-four hours?
+Wait a second. What am I supposed to do for twenty-four hours?	Act natural.
+Act natural.	I was afraid you'd say that.
+I was afraid you'd say that.	If you need me, call the paper. Hand me that extra bottle okay?
+What's wrong, Gail?	I decided I was going to tell my husband about you today.
+I decided I was going to tell my husband about you today.	No.
+No.	But first I called the Hall of Records in Provo. They checked on the deed. You're telling the truth. A minute later Alan came in the room and asked me why I was shaking.
+I've never lied to him before.  It's the first time he's ever lied to me. He was just as convincing as when he says 'I love you.'	I think you better sit down.
+I think you better sit down.	Oh God, I hate things that start like that....
+Oh God, I hate things that start like that....	Gail, please.
+What is this....	I checked. There was no divorce.
+I checked. There was no divorce.	Are you telling me my husband is a bigamist???
+Are you telling me my husband is a bigamist???	I'm telling you he's not your husband at all.
+And they're leaving the country tomorrow night.	Bastard.
+Bastard.	I don't have all the pieces yet, but I'm close. I'll know tomorrow.
+I don't have all the pieces yet, but I'm close. I'll know tomorrow.	I'm calling the police. Right now.
+I'm calling the police. Right now.	You can't do that.
+You can't do that.	Don't tell me I can't --
+Don't tell me I can't --	They're trying to kill me!
+I'm terrified.	Come here.
+Don't worry, I can take it.	You shouldn't be here.
+You shouldn't be here.	I want to hear this.
+I thought you had this all figured out. Good going 'Irwin.'	Don't ever call me 'Irwin,' okay?
+Excuse me sir. Are you a guest of the club?	Yes, I'm with the Underhills.
+Yes, I'm with the Underhills.	They just left, sir.
+They just left, sir.	They'll be back. He had to go in for a urinalysis.
+They'll be back. He had to go in for a urinalysis.	Would you care for a drink while you're waiting? I can put it on the Underhill bill.
+Would you care for a drink while you're waiting? I can put it on the Underhill bill.	Great. I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich.
+Great. I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich.	Very good sir.
+Hi, where's Mrs. Stanwyk?	In her cabana, sir.
+In her cabana, sir.	Oh, that's right. She told me to meet her there. That's cabana six?
+Oh, that's right. She told me to meet her there. That's cabana six?	Cabana one.
+Cabana one.	One.
+One.	Would you be caring for something to eat or drink, sir?
+Would you be caring for something to eat or drink, sir?	I would, actually.
+I would, actually.	Charged to the Underhills, sir?
+Charged to the Underhills, sir?	Right. Tell you what -- have you caviar?
+Right. Tell you what -- have you caviar?	Yes, sir. Beluga. But it is eighty dollars the portion.
+Yes, sir. Beluga. But it is eighty dollars the portion.	I'd better only get two. How about the lobster thermidor?
+I'd better only get two. How about the lobster thermidor?	I recommend it.
+I recommend it.	Fine. And a couple of bottles of Dom Perignon. To cabana one.
+Fine. And a couple of bottles of Dom Perignon. To cabana one.	Very good, sir.
+You want I set up?	No thanks, I'll do it. Give yourself twenty dollars. Underhill.
+No thanks, I'll do it. Give yourself twenty dollars. Underhill.	Muchas gracias.
+Muchas gracias.	Sierra del fuego.
+Your call is come through.	Far out.  Larry? It's Fletch.  Well, it's not 'Fat Sam's', but... any port in a storm.  Oh, tell Frank I need a couple of months. The fifty grand's lasting longer than I thought.
+Excuse me. I have something I'd like to discuss with you.	What?
+The door was unlocked.	Lock's busted.
+Lock's busted.	No wonder.
+No wonder.	I work for the landlord. He told me to watch out for the place.
+I work for the landlord. He told me to watch out for the place.	I commend him on his choice.
+I commend him on his choice.	What?
+What?	I commend him on his choice
+I was supposed to meet Mrs. Cavanaugh.	Who are you?
+Who are you?	Don Corleone. I'm a cousin of Mrs. Cavanaugh's.
+Where is she?	Moved out.
+Moved out.	She moved out?
+I spoke to her last week. She didn't say anything.	She moved out.
+She moved out.	So you're saying she moved out.
+So you're saying she moved out.	This morning.
+This morning.	This morning? Christ. We had so much to talk about. Moe Green is out of the Tropicana, and my sons, Michael and Fredo, are taking over.
+What did you want under the bed?	Mattress police. There are no tags on the mattress. I'm going to have to take you downtown. Please give me your weapon.
+Mattress police. There are no tags on the mattress. I'm going to have to take you downtown. Please give me your weapon.	I'm calling the cops. This is for the cops.
+I'm calling the cops. This is for the cops.	I'm her cousin.
+I'm her cousin.	Tell the cops.
+Tell the cops.	Go ahead. Call them. Better tie your shoelaces first.
+Fletch.	Frank, you look a little peaked. Wanna vomit?
+Frank, you look a little peaked. Wanna vomit?	No, I want an answer, Is the story done?
+No, I want an answer, Is the story done?	Uh, almost.
+Uh, almost.	'Uh, almost' is not an answer. 'Yes Frank, it's all done': that's an answer.
+'Uh, almost' is not an answer. 'Yes Frank, it's all done': that's an answer.	And a damn fine one, I might add.
+Two...	Irwin...
+Irwin...	Oh, I hate it when he calls me that.
+Oh, I hate it when he calls me that.	Irwin, professional journalism time, now. Go back to the goddamn beach and finish the goddamn story!
+Irwin, professional journalism time, now. Go back to the goddamn beach and finish the goddamn story!	I will, Frank, I will. Something came up, okay?
+I will, Frank, I will. Something came up, okay?	No it's not okay. You have to have this in by tomorrow. Did you see the ad we ran Sunday?
+No it's not okay. You have to have this in by tomorrow. Did you see the ad we ran Sunday?	I never read the paper.
+I never read the paper.	...never reads the paper...
+What's the spread on the game tonight?	I don't know.  Look!
+I don't know.  Look!	Looks great.
+Now, Irwin, try to follow me. You can't run the ad and then not run the story.	Why not? Oh shit... really?
+Just kidding, Frank. You'll have the story and you'll be damn proud of it.	You broke it? You know the source?
+You broke it? You know the source?	Practically.
+What's 'practically'? Is it Fat Sam? You said you had pictures of him....	I have pictures of him. Dealing...
+I have pictures of him. Dealing...	So let's go! We run the pictures.
+So let's go! We run the pictures.	He's not the story! There's a source behind him.
+He's not the story! There's a source behind him.	Who?
+Who?	Well, there we're in a gray area.
+Well, there we're in a gray area.	How gray?
+How gray?	I'd say charcoal.
+I'd say charcoal.	I'm going to bite out your eyeballs, you know that?
+I'm going to bite out your eyeballs, you know that?	Frank, you animal, I love it. I'll have the story by Thursday night, I swear to God.  I hope.
+Gummy and two cops...	Cool your tool, Frank, I need a little more time. I think I'm really on to something here.
+Cool your tool, Frank, I need a little more time. I think I'm really on to something here.	You're onto something. That's good. What?
+You're onto something. That's good. What?	I really don't want to spoil your surprise, Frank. Why don't you read it tomorrow?
+Just give me a hint, all right?	All right. Maybe there are some crooked cops involved in all this.
+More cops.  I think I gotta go to Utah, Frank.	Utah?
+Utah?	Yeah. It's wedged in between Wyoming and Nevada. I'm sure you've seen pictures.
+Yeah. It's wedged in between Wyoming and Nevada. I'm sure you've seen pictures.	What about finding the source?
+What about finding the source?	I have some ideas.
+I have some ideas.	Who? Donnie and Marie?
+Who? Donnie and Marie?	Very possibly. Come on, say yes. I'll buy you a shirt.
+Very possibly. Come on, say yes. I'll buy you a shirt.	Go to transportation, get a ticket.
+How could you call him?	It's called journalism, Fletch. It's called getting both sides of the story. Something you apparently don't know anything about.
+It's called journalism, Fletch. It's called getting both sides of the story. Something you apparently don't know anything about.	It's also called getting me this close to being murdered.
+It's also called getting me this close to being murdered.	Get out of here.
+Get out of here.	He threw me in a cell, took a gun and a knife and threatened to kill me right there if I didn't promise to give up the story.
+He threw me in a cell, took a gun and a knife and threatened to kill me right there if I didn't promise to give up the story.	You know, I've had it up to here with your bullshit. I need a story from you by tomorrow.
+You know, I've had it up to here with your bullshit. I need a story from you by tomorrow.	You'll have it.
+You'll have it.	But not unsubstantiated charges about dope-dealing cops, and not horse shit paranoid fantasies about homicidal police chiefs.
+But not unsubstantiated charges about dope-dealing cops, and not horse shit paranoid fantasies about homicidal police chiefs.	Thanks for the vote of confidence, Frank.
+Thanks for the vote of confidence, Frank.	I want something I can print!
+I want something I can print!	Print this Frank.
+I'm quitting, Frank. As of midnight tonight.	What?  Who the hell are they?
+What?  Who the hell are they?	This is Fat Sam, and this is Gummy.
+This is Fat Sam, and this is Gummy.	What...
+What...	Their statements, naming Chief Cummings as the numero uno drug pusher from here to Oxnard. I want them to have federal protection under the paper's sponsorship.
+I'm out, Frank. You lost faith in me.	Fletch, I got nervous. Please....
+Fletch, I got nervous. Please....	Forget it.
+Fletch, you want an apology?	You were going to can me, right?
+You were going to can me, right?	Not really.
+Not really.	Not really?
+Not really?	I was upset.
+I was upset.	I'm sick of this place. I'm going to try out for the Lakers. They need a power forward.
+I'm sick of this place. I'm going to try out for the Lakers. They need a power forward.	Fletch.
+Oh, Margie, sorry, Frieda lost the number of Alan's realtor in Provo. Can you give it to me real quick?	Jim Swarthout?
+Jim Swarthout?	Yeah.
+And, I'm sorry, who are you again?	Frieda's boss.
+Frieda's boss.	Who's Frieda?
+Who's Frieda?	My secretary.
+Yes?	Mrs. Stanwyk, I hate to disturb you. Tom Underhill here... I'm a new member.
+Apparently, someone of your acquaintance has charged the most extraordinary lunch to my bill.	John!
+You don't know the Underhills?	I'd appreciate an opportunity to discuss this with you.
+I'd appreciate an opportunity to discuss this with you.	I just stepped out of the shower! Can you give me a minute?
+I just stepped out of the shower! Can you give me a minute?	Of course.
+Mrs. Stanwyk!	In a minute!
+But I ain't got you...	But I ain't got you...
+But I ain't got you...	No, I ain't got you...
+No, I ain't got you...	No, I ain't got you...
+No, I ain't got you...	I said, I ain't got you...
+I said, I ain't got you...	I said, I ain't got you...
+I said, I ain't got you...	I ain't -- got -- you.
+Ford Fairlane, I'm Colleen Sutton and I need your help.  I have a problem and it pertains to the music industry.  What is it they call you?  Mr. Rock and...	Don't say it.  Orange juice?
+Don't say it.  Orange juice?	Please.
+Sorry about the glass.  And the house.  And the breath.	Mr. Fairlane, I'm very rich.  The kind of rich that warps minds. Nothing offends me.  When I was eleven, I walked in on my father and the Shetland pony he had given me for my tenth birthday. Does that excite you?
+Mr. Fairlane, I'm very rich.  The kind of rich that warps minds. Nothing offends me.  When I was eleven, I walked in on my father and the Shetland pony he had given me for my tenth birthday. Does that excite you?	I don't know, I never met your father.
+Oh, that!  Don't take it personally. He always wakes up before I do. Down boy!  Roseanne Barr naked!	Who's your decorator?
+Who's your decorator?	Some fag.  Charged me up the ass.
+Some fag.  Charged me up the ass.	Fag?  Ass?  I'm sorry, is that a joke?
+Fag?  Ass?  I'm sorry, is that a joke?	Poor taste.  I know.  Listen, I respect homosexuals.  When I was young, my maid was a homosexual.  My maid was a homosexual.
+Poor taste.  I know.  Listen, I respect homosexuals.  When I was young, my maid was a homosexual.  My maid was a homosexual.	I don't have a sense of humor, either.  Sorry.
+Now that we've broken the ice...	I need you to find my little sister. She goes by the name Zuzu...
+I need you to find my little sister. She goes by the name Zuzu...	Zuzu Petals.  You want me to rescue her from the gorgeous hell that is L.A.
+Zuzu Petals.  You want me to rescue her from the gorgeous hell that is L.A.	But how did you know?  Here, take this picture...
+No thanks.  I carry my own.	Excuse me?
+Excuse me?	Let's see, you're her worried sister.  Yesterday I met her worried father who incidentally was about five years younger than you. In fact, I capped off the evening by watching him get electrocuted. They talk about cases like this in the private eye handbook... something about a ten-foot pole.
+Five thousand should be enough to assuage any qualms you have about my family tree.	Yeah, but of course for now, I only get a twenty.
+Yeah, but of course for now, I only get a twenty.	Actually, you may take it all now.
+Actually, you may take it all now.	Oh... I have some questions.
+Oh... I have some questions.	I have no answers.  Thanks for the stain.  Find the girl.  In the envelope are tickets to the Dorothy Chandler.  We'll chat again, then.
+Ah, the Dorothy Chandler.  I was just there with my good friend Art Mooney the other night...	Who?
+Who?	Nuthin'.
+My God, Mr. Fairlane, you look like the Fall of Saigon.	Colleen and Johnny, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g...
+Colleen and Johnny, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g...	Uh, let's go sit down.
+So you know about Johnny Crunch and myself.	I'm sorry, that's gotta be a pair of tube socks he has down there.
+Ouch... Of course I want off the case.  Some monster from Woodstock tried and succeeded in killing me tonight.  The fact I'm alive's a technicality.	So you...
+So you...	Listen, Queen Collie, I have a code. I never, ever, drop a case.  Besides, I, uh, used all your money to pay my bills, so I kinda owe you.
+Listen, Queen Collie, I have a code. I never, ever, drop a case.  Besides, I, uh, used all your money to pay my bills, so I kinda owe you.	Nonsense.  After what you've been through, it sounds like I owe you.
+Nonsense.  After what you've been through, it sounds like I owe you.	They did one of these about my ex- wife.  It's called 'The Nutcracker.'  'The Nut-crack-er'... I don't need money.  I need some questions answered.
+They did one of these about my ex- wife.  It's called 'The Nutcracker.'  'The Nut-crack-er'... I don't need money.  I need some questions answered.	I'll do my best.
+I'll do my best.	Question one:  Can I have some money?  Kidding.  Why didn't you tell me about you and Johnny?  You two were into something even more dangerous than sex, weren't you? Who?  What?  Where?  How?  Now.
+Jonathan was such a beautiful man. No one knew him like I did... Excuse me.  I can't do this now. I'll call you tomorrow.	Thanks for the information. Appreciate it.
+I ask you to find a girl and instead you steal a C.D. from me. Ford.  You suck.	I'll buy you a new one.  I found her.
+I'll buy you a new one.  I found her.	Zuzu Petals!  Did she have it?
+Zuzu Petals!  Did she have it?	Have what?
+Have what?	Did she tell you anything?
+Did she tell you anything?	Lots of things.  Her favorite yogurt.  The ten drummers she would take to a desert island...
+Lots of things.  Her favorite yogurt.  The ten drummers she would take to a desert island...	Drink your cappucino, you're giving me a headache...
+Damnit... you were right last night. Jonathan and I were into more than sex.  Along with Bobby Vomit, right after old Jack Grendel died, we took part in a scheme to rip off Grendel records... I didn't want you involved...	But I am...
+What cheap shit... hey, waiter!	We invested in these factories. In Vancouver.
+We invested in these factories. In Vancouver.	Hold that thought.  Are we being shot at?
+That was close...	What did these Vancouver factories do?
+Art Mo-o-o-ney!	Thanks, I needed that.
+So many assholes, so few bullets.	Damn, Ford, you're the most cynical man in the industry and that's not easy.
+Damn, Ford, you're the most cynical man in the industry and that's not easy.	I'm not cynical.  Can I help it that life is a disease and everyone's a victim. So you're producing exclusively for Grendel Records now.  Hope you're taking Julian for a bundle.
+I'm not cynical.  Can I help it that life is a disease and everyone's a victim. So you're producing exclusively for Grendel Records now.  Hope you're taking Julian for a bundle.	Man, ever since old Jack Grendel died, Julian has got me into one yummy gig after the other.  Not only am I producing, he's got me in some lovely-bullshit-money-money executive position.  What are you looking at...
+You gotta shave before you leave the house in a dress like that and I don't mean your legs.  Why didn't you jump on her?  What's happening to you?	I guess I'm not interested in any club who'll have my member as a member.  Later, Don...
+I haven't seen her around, and as for who would want to kill Johnny Crunch, line forms to the left. You'd find less people on our planet who wanted him alive.	Great pipes.
+I've heard cars fuck with more harmony.	Tell me about it. Name's Kyle Troy.  Can't we bring up the bass.
+Julian's happy as long as he doesn't see glass shatter.	I never thought I'd be jealous of your handicap... Sorry to hear about Bobby Vomit.
+Have a copy of that sent to me, will ya?	Right away!
+Hey, Don, how's the high blood pressure.	Could somebody tell me what's going on?  Like slo-owly...
+Thanks for the promotion, man.	No prob...
+Your tip paid off.  Jazz, this is Sam the Sleazebag.  Sam the Sleazebag, this is Jazz, my secretary.	Assistant.  And don't call me Jazz.
+Assistant.  And don't call me Jazz.	All your friends call you Jazz.
+All your friends call you Jazz.	Exactly.
+You wish.	Cash or check, Jazz?  Don't do this to me.
+I do it for love.	'Bye Ford...'  Hey, let me cheer you up.  I found the IN X S payment.
+G'day, they say it's worth three grand...	Fucking Australians!  I hate that country, continent, what is it? Don't we do nuclear testing there?
+Fucking Australians!  I hate that country, continent, what is it? Don't we do nuclear testing there?	Let's just declare war on the hellhole.  Before they make Crocodile Dundee three.
+Let's just declare war on the hellhole.  Before they make Crocodile Dundee three.	Rock stars!  I'm going out of my mind.  All I get are perks.  I don't make money, I make gifts. How am I supposed to pay taxes with bathtub compact disc players and autographed drumsticks.  I want cash.  Moulah.  Wampum.  Dead Presidents.  Andrew Jackson. Gerald Ford.
+Rock stars!  I'm going out of my mind.  All I get are perks.  I don't make money, I make gifts. How am I supposed to pay taxes with bathtub compact disc players and autographed drumsticks.  I want cash.  Moulah.  Wampum.  Dead Presidents.  Andrew Jackson. Gerald Ford.	You're saying you need money.
+You're saying you need money.	Car insurance costs money. Cavities cost money.  Doritos cost money.  I'm gonna eat that damn bear... come here!
+Car insurance costs money. Cavities cost money.  Doritos cost money.  I'm gonna eat that damn bear... come here!	Quit crying.  I think we've got a case if we can make it through the cavalcade of bimbos, here...
+You're friends with the most obnoxious asshole on the airwaves. The King of the Shock Jocks.  I'm, I'm shocked.	I love you, too, baby.  He wants to meet at six.  What time is it now?
+That's for me... Radio contests, really Ford, how tacky...	Ah -- ha... You know, you should think about dating Earthmen again.
+So what about this watch?	Keep it.  It's your paycheck this month.
+Quiet.  Tell me you tapped in the police computer and found out lots of good stuff about Art Mooney...	I found a lot of Art Mooneys. None with a police record, though. Not even Synchronicity.  Have you checked out Johnny Pinzolo/Crunch's houseboat yet?
+Tonight after I see Don. Some Beverly Hillbilly just hired me to find you-know-fucking-who. Name's Colleen Sutton.	Spooky.  I'll process her.
+Spooky.  I'll process her.	Cool.  Jazz, meet me at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion tonight. I'll have a ticket for you at the door.  Some concert.  Could be interesting.  Dress nice.
+Sorry, Jazz.  After this, I'll throw a burger down your throat, okay?	You're a fucking gentleman.  What do you want from me?
+You're a fucking gentleman.  What do you want from me?	This Colleen Sutton woman I'm with. If she flees me to go powder her whatever, I need you to keep tabs...
+You going to be okay?	Go on, 'they're stahting.'
+And it's good to see you, Julian. This is my assistant, Jazz.	Mmmmmmm.  Mmmm, mmm.
+Why did you interrupt?  Maxwell seemed like he wanted to hire me.	Shut up, goodies from the ice queen.
+How'd you get this from her?	You don't want to know, believe me. But don't worry, I washed my hands...
+You don't want to know, believe me. But don't worry, I washed my hands...	A fucking C.D.  Wow, this case is closed.  So, she's got bad taste in music and in men... Did I tell you she and Johnny were lovers and that they were into something and he got killed for it?
+A fucking C.D.  Wow, this case is closed.  So, she's got bad taste in music and in men... Did I tell you she and Johnny were lovers and that they were into something and he got killed for it?	No, as a matter of fact you didn't. What about the girl, Zuzu Petals, how does she fit in?  I mean, she is what this case is about.
+No, as a matter of fact you didn't. What about the girl, Zuzu Petals, how does she fit in?  I mean, she is what this case is about.	I wish I knew.  You did good work...
+I wish I knew.  You did good work...	Make eye contact when you say that.
+Make eye contact when you say that.	I'm sorry, that dress.  What do you say we...
+I'm sorry, that dress.  What do you say we...	Celebrate?  Like we celebrated after solving the White Bluesman murders?  Forget it, man.
+What did you... Hey, where's your spex?	Contacts.
+Contacts.	I like.
+I don't know, what was the case?	Ms. Sutton hired you to find the girl.  Period.
+Ms. Sutton hired you to find the girl.  Period.	Then I guess her case is closed. Mine isn't.  I want to know why everybody wants Zuzu.  Why people are killing and dying for her.
+She's just a bundle of energy, a real treasure...	Yeah, let's bury her.
+Yeah, let's bury her.	Hello...  It's Colleen.  With answers.  She wants to meet.  Down.  Way down-town.  Late.
+You okay?	Lieutenant Anus has discovered the cold-blooded killer behind everything.
+Lieutenant Anus has discovered the cold-blooded killer behind everything.	Who?
+Ah, an obvious choice.	Let's get her out of here, before she starts a shoot-out.  Drop us at my place.
+Hello, Ford...	What are you doing at the office? You wouldn't believe what I've gone through tonight... I'm calling from the Mega Beta Pogo Sorority.
+I came to warn you...	Oh, Jazz, those bastards... call an ambulance!  Get that music off!
+I believe the last time we came across one of these, was at the ballet.  What were your words...  'A fucking C.D.  This case is closed.'	I've always said the one reason I'm the best detective in the industry is that I'm the only one... but hey, I never throw away a clue...
+Aha, just what I suspected!	You're not funny.
+Hmmm, the first disc was putting out an incomprehensible stream of high bits.  This one is putting out low bits.  The data is in some fucked binary system.  The two discs need to interface simultaneously with a third decryptor disc.  Comprendo?	Su-ure.  Two people hired me to find Zuzu in order to get hold of one of those discs and Colleen threw a tizz when we took hers.  Obviously, all this binary disc shit is pretty mighty.  But it's not necessary.  People are dead.  One was a friend.  The same people were involved in a scam to rip off Grendel Records. Bottom line's Julian Grendel is doing a little revenge number...
+Your timing swallows the massive one. Grendel just tried to kill us, he's about to frame and kiss Don, and we can't do shit.  Don't even ask about those discs. Goddamn that Art Mooney with a star by his name!  It's tied to Johnny's C.D., I know.	Johnny's C.D.?
+What an interface!	Seems to be information about a factory in Vancouver.
+Seems to be information about a factory in Vancouver.	Yeah, Colleen mentioned it.  What do they make?
+Yeah, Colleen mentioned it.  What do they make?	C.D.s.  The music kind.  From the Grendel label.
+C.D.s.  The music kind.  From the Grendel label.	Without Grendel knowing about it. B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-O. Counterfeit C.D.s.  Tape piracy has graduated to disc piracy, the sound quality's better, and so's the money.
+Without Grendel knowing about it. B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-O. Counterfeit C.D.s.  Tape piracy has graduated to disc piracy, the sound quality's better, and so's the money.	But the funny thing is, take a look at these Swiss bank account numbers. We got Bobby, Johnny, Colleen... and Julian Grendel.
+After their initial investment in the factory, Grendel didn't need them.  Told them to fuck off. They tried to get these C.D.s together in order to have proof of Grendel's involvement, so they could keep him in line.  Now's the fun part...	I can't believe I lost an eye for a bunch of phony C.D.s
+I just can't deal with all this crap between us, I'm sorry.  I'm quitting.	Let's get hitched.  I guess I, you know, love you.  It's a beautiful thing.
+Let's get hitched.  I guess I, you know, love you.  It's a beautiful thing.	Wha --
+Got those Vomit invites here...	Scalping to a funeral, you're a pretty sleazy guy.
+Scalping to a funeral, you're a pretty sleazy guy.	Thanks.  You interested.  It's festival seating, so...
+Thanks.  You interested.  It's festival seating, so...	How much?
+How much?	Three hundred.
+Three hundred.	You gave it to the girls for one.
+You gave it to the girls for one.	Hey, they blew me.
+Hey, they blew me.	Oh.  Three hundred coming right up.
+Zuzu Petals!  Zuzu Petals!  Yes! Who killed Bobby Vomit?  Who killed Johnny Crunch?  Why do people want you so goddamn bad?	I don't know.  I'm so scared. Help me.
+A simple 'please' would suffice...	Fluck you!
+It's red, Ford.	What?
+Hello?	Give me your gum and grab the wheel.
+You okay?	Peachy.
+Let's get serious...	Why are all these people after me?
+Why are all these people after me?	Uh... wha?  You're supposed to answer those questions, not ask 'em.  I take it a woman named Colleen Sutton is not your big sister and that the late D.J. Johnny Crunch ain't your daddy?
+Uh... wha?  You're supposed to answer those questions, not ask 'em.  I take it a woman named Colleen Sutton is not your big sister and that the late D.J. Johnny Crunch ain't your daddy?	I'm so sure!  I'm an only child and my parents are Bill and Shirley Petals of South Bend, Indiana. They run a hardware store and...
+You hung out with Bobby Vomit. Who would want him dead?	I dunno.  He was to sound what Cezanne was to image or at least I thought so.  Ever since he died, I've been chased... Omigod!
+I dunno.  He was to sound what Cezanne was to image or at least I thought so.  Ever since he died, I've been chased... Omigod!	What?  Jesus, tell me!
+What?  Jesus, tell me!	It's Spunk Lewis, the lead singer for Dead Ribbit!  Mr. Bus Driver, stop!
+Spunk, come back...	How is it you can look at that HairHead and see God, when all I see is a lucky asshole from Reseda.
+How is it you can look at that HairHead and see God, when all I see is a lucky asshole from Reseda.	Because I know rock-n-roll.
+Because I know rock-n-roll.	You know rock-n-roll?  Darlin', I've been in the music industry for as long as you've lived.  I've seen things you can't even have nightmares about... but then I guess I'm just not equipped to know the industry the way you do...
+You know rock-n-roll?  Darlin', I've been in the music industry for as long as you've lived.  I've seen things you can't even have nightmares about... but then I guess I'm just not equipped to know the industry the way you do...	Come again?  B.FL.D., I have sex with rock stars; it's not like I'm doing something that I don't enjoy with them, like shuffleboard. Don't worry about me, I practice safe sex and next summer, I'm going to U.C.L.A.
+Zuzu Petals, you're not bad.  In fact, I was discussing this whole rock-n-roll thing with my pal Art Mooney the other day.  You know him?	No.  Who's Art Mooney?
+No.  Who's Art Mooney?	He's the lamest clue I've ever had in my life.  Here's our stop...
+Yeah, it's weird.  Bobby and Johnny were such good friends...	Friends?  You didn't tell me that.
+Friends?  You didn't tell me that.	You didn't ask.  Have you ever thought about mousse?
+Why are you depressed?  You get in all the clubs, you never pay cover...	Stop.  We still got serious detective stuff to do, but we've been up all night so we should hit the sack for...
+Stop.  We still got serious detective stuff to do, but we've been up all night so we should hit the sack for...	What a perv...
+Let's watch some 'M.T.V.'	People still watch that?
+People still watch that?	Who cares about people?
+Zuzu, wake up...	Hah fluck, great video, huh?
+Hah fluck, great video, huh?	Are you okay?
+Are you okay?	Okay?  I just blew up.  I feel orgasmic.
+My axe!	Ford, do you got something cooking in the microwave?
+I know the feeling.  This must be hell.  Can you believe, a flucking sorority... I'm gonna vomit Day-Glo.	Ye-ah.  Sure.
+This is boring, guys.	Zuzu, be quiet.  Put in Colleen's disc.  Number two.
+Ford, you were right!	Ye-ah.
+I'm afraid so, you want her?	But you know, that was just a dream.  Doesn't really count.
+Nice left you got there, jerk.	Sorry, it was dark, now come on.
+This way...	No, wait...
+Suck a dick, I left my purse...	As Clark Gable said to Ava Gardner in Mogambo:  'Fuck the purse, we're gonna die-e-e.'
+As Clark Gable said to Ava Gardner in Mogambo:  'Fuck the purse, we're gonna die-e-e.'	Reality-reality-reality -- Outrageous building, huh?
+Reality-reality-reality -- Outrageous building, huh?	Ye-ah.
+Pretty smooth, huh?	"Smooth.  I know this is dangerous and everything but it's kind of fun. Ever see ""Batman,"" you know when Batman and Robin are climbing up the side of the building and somebody sticks their head outside the window and says... I forget what they said but it's pretty funny."
+"Smooth.  I know this is dangerous and everything but it's kind of fun. Ever see ""Batman,"" you know when Batman and Robin are climbing up the side of the building and somebody sticks their head outside the window and says... I forget what they said but it's pretty funny."	Why have you come to my planet?
+Ick.	I won't ask why you would want to help someone trying to kill you, but hey, good job.  Shall we?
+Hey.  God.  You're an asshole.	Let go of the belt!  What are you doing?  You got mad at me for trying to save the other guy.
+I can't kill this kid's father...	Who do you think you are, Ford? The tooth fairy.  Kill!  Kill!  Kill!
+Who do you think you are, Ford? The tooth fairy.  Kill!  Kill!  Kill!	This is fucking unbelievable.  Zuzu, it's a long story, you see...
+Hello, Mr. Tongue!  What a perv.	You wish.  Come on, let's get outta here.
+Are you okay?	There's that question...
+Oh how sweet, your friend's got his own star.	ArtArtArtArtMooneyMooneyMooney Mooney.
+You-see-it-all-starts-with-this- factory-in-Vancouver-and there's these-C.D.s...	I'll mail you a letter, come on!
+Hoh graphic!  I'm going to dream of ears for a year!  Ugh!	Just be thankful he wasn't dissatisfied with his sex life.
+So, Zuzu.  Are you okay?	Yeah, Ford.  I'm okay.
+Fairlane, you gonna find out who killed the lead singer of Black Vomit?	Tell me, Dr. Watson, what makes you think he's not just another piece of shit overdose.
+Gut feeling.	I'll give you a gut feeling, you little... Hey... hey!  Get that stick out of your mouth.  These things are killers, man.  Don't you go to school, listen to Smokey the Bear and all that...
+When you going to let me work with you?  Why you always fucking with me?	Why am I what?  Excuse me?  I catch you saying the F-word again.  I'll kill you.  That's a fucking promise.  Now get the fuck out of here.
+I got something serious to dis-cuss.	Well what is it?  I'm not Kreskin.
+Well what is it?  I'm not Kreskin.	Forget it.
+Ouch.	Hey, you, get off my cloud.  I'm talking to my friend.  1962 Fender Stratocaster with original humbucking pick-ups, maple neck, strung upside down for a left- handed motherfucking genius... Jimi Hendrix.
+Hey, you, get off my cloud.  I'm talking to my friend.  1962 Fender Stratocaster with original humbucking pick-ups, maple neck, strung upside down for a left- handed motherfucking genius... Jimi Hendrix.	Who cares?  I got a case.
+Who cares?  I got a case.	Twelve pack?
+This ain't no social call.  One hundred bucks.  To find my father.	Did he just say what I think he said?
+Did he just say what I think he said?	I've got a clue.  Look at my ring. Before my old lady ran off to Baja, she told me my dad had this same ring.
+Holy Colonel Mustard.  Gosh, you didn't mention the big clue... Kid, I can't take your money.	You need it.
+You need it.	I don't need it that bad.
+I'm sorry...	Shut up, you dummy.  Who did this to you?
+Shut up, you dummy.  Who did this to you?	These two guys in long cowboy coats and real nice suits.  I think Armani.  They were going through your stuff with screwdrivers and shit... I did what you would have done.
+These two guys in long cowboy coats and real nice suits.  I think Armani.  They were going through your stuff with screwdrivers and shit... I did what you would have done.	Run to the nearest phone and call the police.
+Run to the nearest phone and call the police.	Fuck that, I mean, the heck with that.  I kicked their ass!  Well, I tried.  There were two of them you know...
+Fuck that, I mean, the heck with that.  I kicked their ass!  Well, I tried.  There were two of them you know...	Jesus, how could you be so stupid?  Come on, we're going to a hospital.
+I tried to help you...!	And hey, I appreciate it...
+And hey, I appreciate it...	Where's my father?  Have you even looked?
+Where's my father?  Have you even looked?	Yeah, uh, I got some pretty good leads...
+Yeah, uh, I got some pretty good leads...	Liar!  You don't care!  About anything.
+So, did you find my dad?	Well, I got some good news and some bad news.
+Well, I got some good news and some bad news.	Yeah, go on...
+Yeah, go on...	Good news is that yeah, I found him.  The bad news is...
+It's me.	What kind of sentimental bullshit is this?
+What kind of sentimental bullshit is this?	Hey, I love you, too, you little jerk.  Jesus, guy tries to make a commitment and he's gotta eat shit.
+Hey, I love you, too, you little jerk.  Jesus, guy tries to make a commitment and he's gotta eat shit.	Who's my real father, man?
+Who's my real father, man?	He, he, lives in South America... he's doing that anthropologist- archeologist-dentist kind of thing ... he's real busy.
+I need someone to help me with my case load, you interested?  This whole father/son thing, if you're not into it, I mean, it's okay. You know what I'm saying?	Shut the heck up... Pop.
+Nice tie, Lt. Anus, sir.	You think you're so hot just because you can get into any club. You think you're so hot, just because you have sex with great- looking women.  You think you're so hot just because you broke the Ensenada tape piracy ring...
+You think you're so hot just because you can get into any club. You think you're so hot, just because you have sex with great- looking women.  You think you're so hot just because you broke the Ensenada tape piracy ring...	You gotta admit those are all pretty great reasons...
+You gotta admit those are all pretty great reasons...	Get the fuck out of here, honey... What do we got?
+What are you running from?	Why shucks, Lt. Anus, you told me to get the fuck out of here...
+Why shucks, Lt. Anus, you told me to get the fuck out of here...	If you're hiding something... oh, oh, I'll have so much fun.
+If you're hiding something... oh, oh, I'll have so much fun.	Why do you hate me?  It's gotta be more than Me Private You, You Cop.
+Why do you hate me?  It's gotta be more than Me Private You, You Cop.	Two words.  Disco Express.
+Two words.  Disco Express.	Disco Ex -- man, that group sucked like a squid, they had some shitty single they wanted me to plug, back in my publicist days...
+Disco Ex -- man, that group sucked like a squid, they had some shitty single they wanted me to plug, back in my publicist days...	'Booty Time.'
+'Booty Time.'	Yeah, and that lead singer, Jesus, that white Van McCoy wanna-be with the six-inch platform shoes. He looked...
+Yeah, and that lead singer, Jesus, that white Van McCoy wanna-be with the six-inch platform shoes. He looked...	Like me.
+Like me.	I was about to say he looked like shit, but hey, sure, he looked like you.
+I was about to say he looked like shit, but hey, sure, he looked like you.	'It's booty time, it's booty time, across the U.S.A.  It's booty time...'
+'It's booty time, it's booty time, across the U.S.A.  It's booty time...'	You were the lead sing -- Lieutenant, I didn't think anyone could cheer me up tonight... Thanks.  Really.
+Have a problem, call Ford Fairlane.  He won't solve your case, but who cares, you'll be dead in a couple days anyway. Let's face it.  After today, the California Raisins aren't gonna hire you.	That's okay.  I'm quitting the music detective business to become a cop killer.  Pay's the same, but it'll be much more fun.
+That's okay.  I'm quitting the music detective business to become a cop killer.  Pay's the same, but it'll be much more fun.	God, I wish I could prove you killed everybody.  Unfortunately, I know who the real killer is.
+God, I wish I could prove you killed everybody.  Unfortunately, I know who the real killer is.	Really?
+It's some psycho killer groupie. I got an anonymous letter that says she killed Bobby Vomit, Johnny Crunch, and now, this society dame.	Once I got an anonymous letter saying that the world would be destroyed by a giant purple raindrop. I didn't even buy a fucking umbrella... You were in too many discos during the seventies.  The Village People rotted your brain.
+Once I got an anonymous letter saying that the world would be destroyed by a giant purple raindrop. I didn't even buy a fucking umbrella... You were in too many discos during the seventies.  The Village People rotted your brain.	That's the difference between a great investigator like me and a piece of Spam like you.  You look at this picture and all you see is beauty.  I see the beast.
+Polo.	Whatever you're getting paid, I can give you twenty, maybe thirty bucks more.
+Feel my thumb?  I keep it there forty seconds more and a welt develops cutting off the oxygen to your brain.  I leave.  Twenty- one minutes later, you're dead. The slowest, most painful minutes a person can experience.	I guess you never saw 'A Very Brady Christmas.'
+I guess you never saw 'A Very Brady Christmas.'	Case closed, okay?  Thirty seconds.
+Case closed, okay?  Thirty seconds.	Fine!
+Fine!	What's fine?
+What's fine?	I'm off it!
+I'm off it!	Off what?  Twenty seconds...
+Off what?  Twenty seconds...	The case!
+The case!	Oh.  One more thing.  This is personal.  I want you to tell me you're a big sissy.
+Oh.  One more thing.  This is personal.  I want you to tell me you're a big sissy.	I.  Am.  The.  Biggest.  Sissy. In.  The.  Whole.  Fucking.  World.
+You were saying, snapperhead?  I'll bet you're not smiling now!	Oh, but I am.  Dianetics, Ford.  You should try it.
+Oh, but I am.  Dianetics, Ford.  You should try it.	Say cheese...
+I want you to say that you're the biggest sissy in the whole wide world.	I'm.  The.  Biggest.  Sissy.  In. The.  Wide.  World.
+I'm.  The.  Biggest.  Sissy.  In. The.  Wide.  World.	Okay.  'B-y-e!
+How's it going?	You gotta be kidding!  This is unfuckingbelievable!  I have to start the evening crawling down Capital Records, I shoulda chose suicide then, but oh no, the night was young!  Next up, my guitar! The second most important thing I own and now it's toothpicks for the homeless on Hollywood Boulevard!  Then, then, after I burned up your brother, Jazz... I should say as a fucking footnote I've usually treated women like shit -- used corsages, the wet spot, you know giving out Domino's Pizza's phone number and saying it's mine... Tonight was different. I felt respect.  I felt love.  Then Jazz left me... and now I get to die!
+You gotta be kidding!  This is unfuckingbelievable!  I have to start the evening crawling down Capital Records, I shoulda chose suicide then, but oh no, the night was young!  Next up, my guitar! The second most important thing I own and now it's toothpicks for the homeless on Hollywood Boulevard!  Then, then, after I burned up your brother, Jazz... I should say as a fucking footnote I've usually treated women like shit -- used corsages, the wet spot, you know giving out Domino's Pizza's phone number and saying it's mine... Tonight was different. I felt respect.  I felt love.  Then Jazz left me... and now I get to die!	The point?
+The point?	Let me go out like a man.
+Let me go out like a man.	Anyway you want it, asshole.
+How could Grendel Records sign such a wick-prick?  I guess Julian Grendel really is deaf as a fucking doorknob.  I hear Ray Charles is going to head up the video division.	Actually that's rather an intriguing idea...
+Good to meet you, Mr. Fairlane. Your mouth makes quite a reflection.  I'm Julian Grendel.	Boing.  You're one hell of a lip reader.
+Boing.  You're one hell of a lip reader.	Why thank you.  It's a Christmas present.  That was my sense of humor, everyone.  I wish you would fake a laugh.  It's easy with a deaf person.
+I knew your father.  He was quite...	An asshole?  A swine?  A ballistic turd?  Pick one.  I never knew what a blessing my accident was until he died and I had to take over the company.  You see the music is irrelevant in this industry.  I'm going to have to ship this 'wick-prick' platinum just so teenage girls can have a compact disc cover to get wet with.
+Terrible thing, but good career move.  His record sales have gone way up.  I'll just have to create a new Black Vomit.	I was just discussing this whole Vomit thing with my friend Art Mooney.  Do you know him?
+Well, hello, Ford.	Mmmmmmm.  Mmmm, mmm.
+Mmmmmmm.  Mmmm, mmm.	I must say you're an island of reality in an ocean of diarrhea.
+So what did you think of the ballet? Was it like a warm Ice Capades?	Yeah, I did, you condescending fuck, but I miss Snoopy coming out at the end.  Isn't your enjoyment impaired?
+Yeah, I did, you condescending fuck, but I miss Snoopy coming out at the end.  Isn't your enjoyment impaired?	Don't worry I can run every ballet note for note in my brain...
+Jazz, we're talking here.	Go on, another time, another place.
+Uh, nice piano.  Probably get a lot of complaints from the neighbors -- heh...  It's another time, Julian, another place.  If I told you Bobby Vomit, Johnny Crunch, and Colleen Sutton were the ones you were complaining about, the ones who tried to rip you off, what would your reaction be?	Shock.
+Shock.	And if I told you that you already knew all that shit, and that you had them killed, what would you do then?
+And if I told you that you already knew all that shit, and that you had them killed, what would you do then?	Golly, I'd probably faint.
+Actually you're a bit off in the motivation department... I mean, revenge is so... Bronson.  Wait, where's the third C.D.?  How could you come here without proof? It's a three piece set here!  A computer disc from Colleen, Bobby's computer disc, and Johnny's computer disc.  Together they make, oh fucking forget it!	Yeah, yeah, I know the third one unscrambles the high bits and the low bits.  Shit, just start torturing me, man.  I didn't even know Johnny had a disc and I can't deal with any 'Don't play games with me, Mr. Fairlane' bullshit.
+Yeah, yeah, I know the third one unscrambles the high bits and the low bits.  Shit, just start torturing me, man.  I didn't even know Johnny had a disc and I can't deal with any 'Don't play games with me, Mr. Fairlane' bullshit.	Don't play games... ugh.  Did you say you don't have the third... ugh.  I'm not going to torture you, Ford.
+It doesn't have to be like this?	Oh God, please, don't!
+Okay!  Okay.  You got me.  Boy, you guys are tough.  I have the third disc.  Indeed.  I.  Do. Yes, sir.  Yeah you assholes, it's in a very safe place with instructions to have it sent directly to the police if I don't make a phone call by seven o'clock.  So if you'll excuse us...	It's 7:30.  You really should get a watch.
+It's 7:30.  You really should get a watch.	Ah, I didn't say seven P.M., now did I?
+I just gave up smoking.  A last drink?	I'm running a little late.  You see, I'm having a party at THE Club to introduce the new lead singer for Black Vomit.  Everyone in the industry will be there, including our friend, Don Cleveland.
+I'm running a little late.  You see, I'm having a party at THE Club to introduce the new lead singer for Black Vomit.  Everyone in the industry will be there, including our friend, Don Cleveland.	What about Don?
+What about Don?	Before Black Vomit starts its set, Don will have his head blown off. The papers next week will reveal that he was partners with Bobby, Johnny, and Collie in 'the Grendel Records scam.'  He killed them to pay off a debt to 'the mob' or something lame like that.  And then the mob iced him.  It's all more tasteful than it sounds.
+Kill them.  Not quickly.	Are you okay?
+When I say 'no,' run for the door.	Oh, wait.  One sec.  Open the window.
+Shit.	Ciao.
+You'd said something about proof...	Oh please, Ford, I'll do any --
+And may I suggest for dessert, the five copies I made...	Fuck me...
+Fuck me...	Maybe later, but first I want like to know why you'd steal from your own company...
+Maybe later, but first I want like to know why you'd steal from your own company...	When I was young, I read Billboard and I could not believe how much Grendel Records and how little of it my idiot father Old Jack Grendel got.
+When I was young, I read Billboard and I could not believe how much Grendel Records and how little of it my idiot father Old Jack Grendel got.	Yeah, it's pretty amazing how much cash you gotta give to the actual artists who create the music.  Those ingrates really take a bite.  But seriously, when Pops died, you got Vomit, Crunch, and Sutton to help finance a C.D. Cleans operation. You got greedy and they tried to get the three discs together to threaten you, but...
+Yeah, it's pretty amazing how much cash you gotta give to the actual artists who create the music.  Those ingrates really take a bite.  But seriously, when Pops died, you got Vomit, Crunch, and Sutton to help finance a C.D. Cleans operation. You got greedy and they tried to get the three discs together to threaten you, but...	What is this, are you holding a microphone behind my head?
+Man, Julian, that accident took away more than your hearing.	Accident?  Accident!  You naive pussball, when I realized my life of music could only be a life of music industry.  I cut my fucking ears off so I'd only hear my music. Here, look.
+I'm still the king!	Julian, you're fired.
+You're that guy, the private eye.	You're a poet and didn't know it.
+You're a poet and didn't know it.	Do you really know everybody in the industry?
+Do you really know everybody in the industry?	Only on a first name basis.
+Only on a first name basis.	That's cute.  You're funny.
+That's cute.  You're funny.	That's funny, you're cute.
+That's funny, you're cute.	You heard that Bobby Vomit O.D.'d, right?  Do you suspect foul play and stuff?
+You heard that Bobby Vomit O.D.'d, right?  Do you suspect foul play and stuff?	I'll tell you when somebody pays me to give a shit and stuff.
+Hi, private eye guy!	Hey, the poet...
+Hey, troops, here's that rock 'n' roll detective I told you about.	Hebedeebuh.  Hebedeebuh.  Maybe I did die in the explosion.
+This isn't music!	It is to us!  It's computerised.
+I don't believe it.  Getting paid to be the asshole you always were.	Fucking amazing, huh?  Chevy Nova, you Bensonhurst shit!  Still in La-la land.  Look at us, two rock 'n' roll dicks.  Unfortunately, only one of us is a detective.
+Fucking amazing, huh?  Chevy Nova, you Bensonhurst shit!  Still in La-la land.  Look at us, two rock 'n' roll dicks.  Unfortunately, only one of us is a detective.	Nice getting all those phone calls from you after you hit it big, you Redhook bastard.
+Nice getting all those phone calls from you after you hit it big, you Redhook bastard.	I don't remember any Arbor Day cards from Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
+I don't remember any Arbor Day cards from Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.	Friendship's a lot different out here.  A wrong number is a relationship.  But then this isn't a social call.
+How nice.	It's my daughter, man.  I know I never told you about her, but God, I love that girl.  She calls herself Zuzu Petals and she's been swallowed up by the gorgeous hell that is L.A. A fucking groupie partying with the pros.  You have to get my baby back, she's my pride and --
+It's my daughter, man.  I know I never told you about her, but God, I love that girl.  She calls herself Zuzu Petals and she's been swallowed up by the gorgeous hell that is L.A. A fucking groupie partying with the pros.  You have to get my baby back, she's my pride and --	'Bye, Johnny...
+'Bye, Johnny...	What?
+So...	I don't take cases with foundations in bullshit.  They are very hard to walk around in.
+I don't take cases with foundations in bullshit.  They are very hard to walk around in.	Just find her, man.  She's my daughter, she's my sister, she's my mother, she's some little brat I stood in line with at Taco Bell last week.  Do whatever you want with my words.  And my money.
+I am told it is difficult to pay the phone bill with gold chains and V.C.R.s.  There's four thousand here.	Zuzu Petals.  Sounds like a drug. A lethal one.
+Zuzu Petals.  Sounds like a drug. A lethal one.	I hope you solve the case and I know you will, because you're the best.  Ford, guys like you don't grow on trees.
+What's my name?	Doyle.
+Doyle.	What?
+What?	Mr. Doyle.
+Mr. Doyle.	Ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?
+Ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?	What?
+What about you?  Can you stand a toss?	I'm clean.
+I'm clean.	You don't use shit?
+You don't use shit?	No.
+Did I say you could move that hand -- I'm not gonna get stuck am I?	No - no.
+No - no.	Cause if I do.
+How's everything?	Everything is everything.
+Everything is everything.	How come there's nothing out there? That stuff is all milk.
+How come there's nothing out there? That stuff is all milk.	There's nothing around.  Nobody's holding.
+There's nothing around.  Nobody's holding.	I got a name - Sal Boca, Brooklyn.
+I got a name - Sal Boca, Brooklyn.	Boca?
+Boca?	B.O.C.A.
+B.O.C.A.	Doesn't register.
+Doesn't register.	Got a wife named Angie.
+Got a wife named Angie.	No, nothing.  There's only some talk.
+No, nothing.  There's only some talk.	What?
+What?	Coming in this week, week after. Everybody going to get well.
+Coming in this week, week after. Everybody going to get well.	Who brings it?
+Who knows?	Where do you want it?
+Where do you want it?	This side.
+Where are you?	Takin' care o' business, honey.
+Takin' care o' business, honey.	Takin' care o' business -- it's after midnight.
+Takin' care o' business -- it's after midnight.	You know I hadda meet some people tonight --
+-- Well finish all your meetin' people and get back here now -- and bring a pizza with you.	Where'm I goinna get a pizza this time o' night?
+Where'm I goinna get a pizza this time o' night?	Well try, okay?
+Well try, okay?	I don't know where I'm gonna find a pizza joint open.
+I don't know where I'm gonna find a pizza joint open.	Sal --
+Sal --	Yeah?
+Yeah?	Don't forget anchovies.
+What's your name, asshole?	Fuck you, Santa Claus!
+I don't...	Ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?
+Ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?	What?
+What?	Did you ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?
+Did you ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?	I don't know what you're talkin' about.
+I don't know what you're talkin' about.	Were you ever in Poughkeepsie?
+Were you ever in Poughkeepsie?	No... yeah...
+No... yeah...	Did you ever sit on the edge of the bed, take off your socks and stick your fingers between your toes?
+Did you ever sit on the edge of the bed, take off your socks and stick your fingers between your toes?	Man, I'm clean.
+Man, I'm clean.	You made three sales to your roaches back there.  We had to chase you through all this shit and you tell me you're clean?
+Henri c'est gentil d'être venu.  Je vous présente mon associé, Pierre Nicoli.  Henri Devereaux.	Enchanté.  Alain, j'ai réfléchi à votre proposition et j'ai décidé d'accepter.
+Did you pick up the car?	It is waiting for you in the garage.
+It is waiting for you in the garage.	Did they follow you?
+Did they follow you?	I wasn't looking.
+I wasn't looking.	Henri... I need one more favor from you.  I know I am imposing...
+Henri... I need one more favor from you.  I know I am imposing...	My friend, I am not sure about what is going on -- but for me, I am finished.
+My friend, I am not sure about what is going on -- but for me, I am finished.	Not quite -- you are in it whether you like it or not.  The police know you brought the car into the country.  This makes you an accomplice.
+Calm down -- Henri!  You must trust me -- this is an extremely complicated situation to which there is a simple solution if you do exactly what I tell you.  It's worth more money to you.	Goodbye.
+Allo... Salvatore...	Who's this --
+Who's this --	... Salvatore?...
+Twelve o'clock... yes...	Yes --
+Everything's smooth.  Beautiful.  I will need a few more days though, the boys think we oughta cool it for awhile -- make sure there's no heat.	You must take me for an imbecile. Why do you think I asked you to meet me in Washington?  I haven't spent five minutes in New York City without the company of a gendarme.
+You must take me for an imbecile. Why do you think I asked you to meet me in Washington?  I haven't spent five minutes in New York City without the company of a gendarme.	Look, I'll level with you -- I need a little more time -- I got to shift gears.
+Look, I'll level with you -- I need a little more time -- I got to shift gears.	Are you having trouble raising the half million?
+Are you having trouble raising the half million?	Hell no -- my end is covered -- my associates just feel we ought to wait for a more opportune time to make the switch.
+It has to be by the end of this week.	Look, Mr. Charnier, you got to be reasonable.
+Look, Mr. Charnier, you got to be reasonable.	It's your problem.
+It's your problem.	It's yours too!
+Tu sais j'ai réfléchi longuement à ton cadeau pour le voyage.  Je l'ai choisi moi-même.  Tiens.	Je peux l'ouvrir tout de suite?
+Je peux l'ouvrir tout de suite?	Si tu veux.
+Oh Alain!  C'est merveilleux!  Tu me gâtes.  Je t'aime.  Attends, je vais te montrer moi aussi ce que j'ai acheté.	Encore du sho ping!
+Regarde mon pêcheur de baleine... Tu sais il va faire très froid cet hiver.	Avec ça tu pourras le supporter.
+Avec ça tu pourras le supporter.	Mais non, c'est pour toi.
+Mais non, c'est pour toi.	Pour moi?
+Pour moi?	Regarde, il te va parfaitement bien!
+Regarde, il te va parfaitement bien!	Formidable!  Sans toi je m'habillerais encore en docker.  Je suis passé voir Françoise.
+Formidable!  Sans toi je m'habillerais encore en docker.  Je suis passé voir Françoise.	Comment va-t-elle?
+Comment va-t-elle?	Je n'ai jamais vu tant de sérenité. Elle m'a demandé de tes nouvelles et si nous étions heureux.
+Le sommes nous?	Non!
+Alain is the only man I know who can become as enthusiastic about a bridge as he can about a woman.	Not any woman, Marie.  Just one.
+Are you sure it is dead?	I'm going to put them on the cat.
+I'm going to put them on the cat.	That's a relief.
+Sale boulot.	Il fallait le faire.
+Il fallait le faire.	Il est en retard.
+Il est en retard.	Je crois qu'on fait une erreur de le prendre avec nous.
+Je crois qu'on fait une erreur de le prendre avec nous.	Une erreur!  C'est génial.  C'est une vedette à la télévision.  Il peut aller partout sans être soupçonné... En plus il a besoin de fric.
+Une erreur!  C'est génial.  C'est une vedette à la télévision.  Il peut aller partout sans être soupçonné... En plus il a besoin de fric.	J'ai pas confiance en lui.
+J'ai pas confiance en lui.	Sois gentil avec lui.  On ne sait jamais.  Il peut te faire travailler à la télévision.
+I'm afraid they've become a bit... over-cautious.  Our American friends.	What happens to the schedule?
+What happens to the schedule?	We must follow it.
+We must follow it.	But will they?
+I don't know.  Boca is scared. He's not strong enough.  He sees policemen in his soup.	He is not wrong.
+He is not wrong.	Mmmmm.  That bastard who followed me on the subway, he's the eager one.
+There'll be someone else.	What difference does it make? We'll be out of the country Friday.
+It's beautiful.	It was built in 1917 - and was one of the two heaviest bridges in the world.  The arch is still the largest in the world.
+It was built in 1917 - and was one of the two heaviest bridges in the world.  The arch is still the largest in the world.	Who financed it?
+If this bridge were in Europe, it would be on every tourist's sight- seeing list.	Most New Yorkers never notice it - most Americans have never heard of it.
+Most New Yorkers never notice it - most Americans have never heard of it.	Look how gracefully they conceived that arch.  Like a bowstring.  It was built from both ends.  With no support in the middle.  Beautiful.
+Look how gracefully they conceived that arch.  Like a bowstring.  It was built from both ends.  With no support in the middle.  Beautiful.	Mmm.
+What's your story?	Gimme a break, Mr. Russo.  I'm in show business.
+You're in show business.	S'right.
+All right, get up on that bar and dance.	What?
+What?	Get up on the bar and show me how you work.  If I like it you don't have to go in.
+Get up on the bar and show me how you work.  If I like it you don't have to go in.	You're for real?
+I got no music!	Fake it.
+I'm sorry, I don't know who you mean.	He got off on six.
+He got off on six.	We have four rooms and six suites on six.  There's a man in almost every one of them.
+There's nobody like that on six.	Perhaps he's visiting a guest.
+Perhaps he's visiting a guest.	No, I figure he stays here.  Where's your registration?
+There may be two... no, three who could fit it.	Names.
+A Mr. Paul Ganapolos, he's here alone.	Where from?
+Where from?	Des Moines.
+Des Moines.	What's he do?
+What's he do?	Businessman.  Owns a department store in Des Moines, I think.
+Mr. and Mrs. Alain Charnier, would be another.  He's in shipping.	Yeh?  Who else?
+Yeh?  Who else?	And a Mr. Michael Lowenstein, I don't know what he does.
+And a Mr. Michael Lowenstein, I don't know what he does.	This Charnier guy.  He's in shipping?
+This Charnier guy.  He's in shipping?	I think so.  But they're in Room 408.  On the fourth floor.
+Where's he from?	Marseilles.
+That's in France.	Yeah, I know.
+What about you, Doyle?  Who's the best fighter you ever seen?	Willie Mays.
+What ya doin' out so late?  Hidin' from the cops?	I hear the health department is going to close this joint for selling dirty beer.  I come by to help you carry out your money.
+I hear the health department is going to close this joint for selling dirty beer.  I come by to help you carry out your money.	They'll close you down if they ever get a look at those busted-valise broads you run with.
+They'll close you down if they ever get a look at those busted-valise broads you run with.	You want some eggs.
+You want some eggs.	Why not?
+Why not?	Hey, Mutch!  You want bacon?
+Hey, Mutch!  You want bacon?	Yeah!
+Yeah!	Where the hell is it?
+Where the hell is it?	Where the hell do you think it is, potato head?
+"I got this little chick I'm tryin' to hit on.  She's about 20, 21... I take her to Jilly's last night and she's tellin' me about how she wants to settle down one day, get married... I says, ""Hey, this is 1971, baby, I'm just a dirty old man lookin' to score with some pussy."""	Strike out, eh?
+Strike out, eh?	Yeah.  In the late innings.  Ya look like a night's sleep wouldn't kill ya.
+Yeah.  In the late innings.  Ya look like a night's sleep wouldn't kill ya.	A piece of ass wouldn't kill me.
+A piece of ass wouldn't kill me.	When ya go back on?
+When ya go back on?	Morning.  Sometime.
+Morning.  Sometime.	Whyn't ya stretch out on the pool table for a couple hours.  The kid comes in at six will wake ya.  A couple eggs and a beer is cheaper than keepin' a dog around the joint.
+Christ you should o' collared him right there.	Who's on him?
+Why don't you do the same, Doyle? You look like shit.	Look.  My partner and I found this case and I don't want no Feds screwing it up.
+Look.  My partner and I found this case and I don't want no Feds screwing it up.	Case?  So far I haven't seen a damn thing.
+Case?  So far I haven't seen a damn thing.	Bill, keep shootin' your mouth off and I'll knock you into the middle of next week.
+Yeah, we got the Westbury covered like a tent.	The Westbury?  Balls.  I got him down at the subway at Times Square. What the hell's goin' on?  I make him coming right out of the hotel free as a bird.  Not a soul awake.
+That's crazy.  You lost the Frog in the subway and you blew our cover. If they haven't moved already they're not gonna move now.	Walter, I can make this case if the Feds will get the hell out of my way.
+A bunch of lousy little spic car thieves.	Nothing in there except a New York street map.
+Nothing in there except a New York street map.	Tumble it.  One end to the other.
+Who stuck up the laundromat?	How about that time you were picking your feet in Poughkeepsie?
+Havin' trouble?  You're a dumb guinea.	How'd I know he had a knife.
+How'd I know he had a knife.	Never trust a nigger.
+Never trust a nigger.	He coulda been white.
+Never trust anybody.  You goin' sick?	Not a chance.
+Let's popeye around the Chez for a half hour, catch the end of the show and a couple drinks.	Some other time Jimmy, I'm beat.
+Come on -- one drink.  Whatta you say?	Drink this.
+Drink this.	Whip it out.
+I make at least two junk connections at that table in the corner.  The guy is the stripe combo, I know him too.	Hey, I thought we come for a drink.
+Who is that guy?	Policy man in Queens.
+Policy man in Queens.	What about the last of the big-time spenders.  You make him?
+No, you?	Hunh-uh.  Check the bread.  He spreads it like the Russians are in Jersey.
+Hunh-uh.  Check the bread.  He spreads it like the Russians are in Jersey.	He probably sells insurance.  Owns a chicken farm in Hackensack.
+Whatta you say we wait and give him a tail?	Give who a tail?
+Give who a tail?	The greaser with the blonde.
+The greaser with the blonde.	What for -- you wanna play Hide the Salami with his old lady?
+What for -- you wanna play Hide the Salami with his old lady?	Come on -- just for fun --
+Monica?  Who's Monica?	A and A, that's all you're interested in -- Arrests and Ass.
+If that's not a drop or a pickup, I'll open a charge for you at Bloomingdale's.	Make it Alexander's, I like the toy department.
+Make it Alexander's, I like the toy department.	Toy wit' this will ya.
+Toy wit' this will ya.	There's about a hundred years' parole time in there night or day.
+I think we oughta burn him on suspicion.	Suspicion of what?
+Suspicion of what?	Makin' wine in the basement.  He looks like that wop stooge used to drive for the Fracisi brothers.
+No sir -- this is where Joel lives.	He was the bank on that shipment outta Mexico three years ago.
+What the hell am I drivin' for? I'm a first grade Detective. You're a second grade guinea.	I'm wounded.  Oh, oh.
+I'm goin' check on this address in the Bronx, if you're bullshitting me, it's your ass.	Tell everybody we'll be back in an hour.
+Tell everybody we'll be back in an hour.	We're goin' now!  Goodbye.
+We got information that there's no shit in the street -- it's like a desert full of junkies with a big score coming in to make everybody well.	This could be it, Walter.  This Candy Store guy, putting on a big show in a fancy nightclub with known connections all over him. Then on our own, after working the whole day and night, we tail him out to Brooklyn and sit on him for a week practically, and who do we come up with?  Joel Weinstock.  You gotta let us have it.
+Popeye.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	It's Cloudy.  Open the door.
+It's Cloudy.  Open the door.	I can't.
+Why not?	Let yourself in.
+What happened to you?	The crazy kid handcuffed me to the bed.  With my own cuffs.
+You got the warrant?	We also got Bill Mulderig and Phil Klein.
+Throw 'em in the bathroom, will you? How good are the warrants?	Sixty days.  Here.  Don't mention it.
+You want the red or the white?	Pour it in your ear.
+The guy's a frog -- I'm pretty sure. Also he made me.  Stayin' on four but went up to six -- cute.	The other guy's a frog too.  Checked in at the Edison.  Had a hooker sent up.
+What about Sal?	We put him to bed for the night.
+This fella Nicoli's got a record in France, Walter.  He's wanted for questioning in the murder of a French cop.	I say we keep sittin' on Boca.
+My ass.  The only reason you're in this is because you've got a big expense account for buying junk and you like to see your picture in the papers.	This is my case.  Get these guys off my back and let me handle it.
+Timezit?	Four.
+Same car.	Third time around.
+Hey, Bo.	Hiya, Jesus.
+Hiya, Jesus.	Can you use a new suit for Christmans?
+Can you use a new suit for Christmans?	Whatta you got?
+Where'd you get this fag shit?	This is what the tough guys are wearin'.  You know I only steal from the best.  It's Bonwit Teller.
+This is what the tough guys are wearin'.  You know I only steal from the best.  It's Bonwit Teller.	Pass.
+Pass.	Forty dollars -- was $250.
+Forty dollars -- was $250.	Whyn't you get it dry cleaned and burned.
+There are four auto graveyards like this one in the other boroughs, handling about a thousand vehicles a month.  Those that aren't claimed are auctioned here once a month.	Just for mistakes of parking?
+No.  Many are involved in crimes and confiscated... or just abandoned. This is, as you know, your prime source of scrap metal, M. Charnier.	Darling, may I have this one?
+Two railroads as part of a connecting railway which provided passage from New England to the South.  It was actually the first railroad through New York City.	Why is it called Hellgate?
+Why is it called Hellgate?	The river at this point is the most dangerous on the East Coast.  Years ago, hundreds of ships went down here.
+I'm afraid the rest of Ward's Island isn't nearly as romantic - a pollution plant, a hospital, a training school for garbage men and that area over there, where the old cars are kept, prior to being processed for shipment to, among other places, The Charnier Shipping Company, of Marseilles, France.	What is that old building?
+What is that old building?	Oh, it's been abandoned for years.
+Oh, it's been abandoned for years.	What was it?
+What was it?	It was a crematorium.
+It was a crematorium.	For garbage?
+For garbage?	For dead bodies.
+What am I, a shmuck?  What's the hurry?  He could see a couple of shows and visit the top of the Empire State Building.	Joel, don't jerk me.  I spent a lot o' time settin' this one up.
+So whatta you want a badge?  It's your first major league game Sal. One thing I learned, move calmly, move cautiously.  You'll never be sorry.	I been damn careful up to now.
+I been damn careful up to now.	Which is why your phone lines are tapped and the Feds are crawlin' all over you like flies.
+Which is why your phone lines are tapped and the Feds are crawlin' all over you like flies.	I'm straight, Joel.  They haven't got shit on me.  Look, I'm tellin' you, he'll take the deal somewhere else.
+I'm straight, Joel.  They haven't got shit on me.  Look, I'm tellin' you, he'll take the deal somewhere else.	He could go someplace else with his sixty kilos of heroin and see how easy it is to pull together a half million cash.  He wouldn't find there was any hurry to do this kind of business.
+That was over thirty years ago.  I paid for that and then some.	You go to Xavier High School, Daryl?
+You go to Xavier High School, Daryl?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	You remember Mary Finelli?
+You remember Mary Finelli?	What are you saying?
+What are you saying?	You know what I'm saying.
+You know what I'm saying.	No, I don't.
+No, I don't.	Well, I think you do.
+Sexual assault, Daryl.  Five years.  But you got lucky, right?  You got away with something else.  Something you figured nobody knows about.	What I know is what I told you.
+What I know is what I told you.	Let me tell you what I know, Daryl.  You went to Saint Xavier with Mary.  You lived five blocks from her.  You liked her.  But she ain't interested.  That must've hurt, huh?
+Let me tell you what I know, Daryl.  You went to Saint Xavier with Mary.  You lived five blocks from her.  You liked her.  But she ain't interested.  That must've hurt, huh?	So what?
+So what?	So, what'd you do about it, Daryl?
+So, what'd you do about it, Daryl?	Nothing.
+Oh, my God!  What is that?!  Why you showing me this shit!?  JESUS!  JESUS! Get those away from me!	Nicky Moore.  Patty Ryan.  Mary Finelli. These names mean anything to you, asshole?  Julia Sullivan!  She mean anything?  She means something to me!
+You got a collar in here for the Nightingale murders?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	I'm working with one of the victims outta Brooklyn North.  You mind I take a shot at him?
+I'm working with one of the victims outta Brooklyn North.  You mind I take a shot at him?	That's Deleon and Hayes' collar.
+That's Deleon and Hayes' collar.	They around?
+They around?	Just missed Deleon.  Hayes is up in the squad.
+Just missed Deleon.  Hayes is up in the squad.	Where's the collar, in the cells?
+Where's the collar, in the cells?	No, I think he's up in interrogation.
+No, I think he's up in interrogation.	I'll go find Hayes.
+Why haven't they killed the juice?	Switches are shorted out.
+Switches are shorted out.	You're shitting me!
+You're shitting me!	Wish I was.  Oldest part of the system down there.  We're on it, but it's gonna take awhile.
+Wish I was.  Oldest part of the system down there.  We're on it, but it's gonna take awhile.	We gotta go underground.  Get those guys out, now.
+We gotta go underground.  Get those guys out, now.	We tried.  Bulkhead door's rusted shut. Won't budge.
+How do we get to the vault door?	There's a manhole at Canal and Bowery.
+Oh, man.  Hope it ain't like this in Baltimore tomorrow.	Baltimore?
+Baltimore?	The game, Graham.  The Series?
+Oh, yeah.  Damn.  My watch is busted.	Hey, Rookie.  Be cool.  Just stay with me.  This is what we do.
+Hey, Rookie.  Be cool.  Just stay with me.  This is what we do.	I seem nervous, huh?
+Frank.  We gotta go back.  Frank...	Stay with me, Gib.  We're gonna do this.
+Stay with me, Gib.  We're gonna do this.	I should'a been a fucking mailman.
+Frank.  Hey, man.  You alright?	I'm alright, Gibby.
+It looks open on the other side.	Don't know what's behind it.
+Don't know what's behind it.	One way to find out.
+Gotta be another way up, Frank.	Then fuckin' find it.  I'm going for the girl.
+You okay, man?	Elvis has left the building.
+Hey, bud.	Hey, bud.
+How about a little of the King?	Well, why not a little of the King?
+Damn.	You alright?
+You alright?	I think I ruined the sauce...again.
+What's the matter, Jules?  Trouble workin' an eight hour shift, watching the kid and whipping up a little bolognese?	You didn't marry Donna Reed.
+You didn't marry Donna Reed.	I'd go with you and Chinese take-out over her any time.
+How was your tour?	The usual.
+Butch called.	Did he?
+Did he?	He did.
+He did.	It was under control, Bud.  Butchy's just getting tight in his old age.
+It was under control, Bud.  Butchy's just getting tight in his old age.	Nothing wrong with old age, Frank...long as you get there.
+Frankie, Johnny wants to say goodnight.	Sure.
+Frank...what's wrong?	Nothing.  I just wanted to see you.
+Where's Johnny?	I tucked him in at Gordo's.
+I tucked him in at Gordo's.	You give him his drops?
+You give him his drops?	One in each ear.  What would you do without me?
+One in each ear.  What would you do without me?	Probably marry some rich doctor and never have to work...
+I love you, Bud.	I love you more.
+Boy is he excited about the game tomorrow.	He ain't the only one.
+I'm off.	Wish you weren't.
+Wish you weren't.	Do you know how much I love you?
+There's something I gotta take care of. Something I need to tell you about.	Okay...
+Okay...	I've been talking to this...guy...this cop...on the HAM...and, uh, he...
+I've been talking to this...guy...this cop...on the HAM...and, uh, he...	Honey, what is it?  Just tell me.
+Honey, what is it?  Just tell me.	I've been talking to Johnny...on the radio.
+I've been talking to Johnny...on the radio.	I know.  He loves that thing.
+I know.  He loves that thing.	No.  Not our Johnny.  I mean, it's Johnny...but not now...in the future.
+I'll be upstairs...if you want to play.	I'm serious.
+I'm serious.	So am I.
+Jules, I want you to say hello to somebody...  I'm on with John - that guy I told you about.	The future guy?
+The future guy?	Yeah, but, no kidding around, he's a good guy, a real good guy...
+Then you gotta hide it somewhere. Somewhere where nobody's gonna find it...for 29 years!  Put it under the loose floorboard by the window!	I gotcha, I gotcha Chief!
+Hey, bud.	Frank...
+Lucky throw, fire boy.	Luck, my ass.
+Okay, I'm on it.  Hey.	Hello, Frank.
+Frank, we need to talk...	John, hold on a second.  I'm in the middle of something important here.  You mind if...
+Satch, you gotta just give me...Satch is here John.  You hear me?  Satch is here.	I'm sorry, Frank, but you need to come outside.
+What is going on here, Satch?  What are those guys doing out there?	I think you know, Frank.
+I think you know, Frank.	No, I don't.
+No, I don't.	Let's go outside and talk.  We need to do that.
+Let's go outside and talk.  We need to do that.	About what?
+About what?	Let's go.  Do us both a favor.
+What do you mean?	Do you know where I found this?
+415 Greenwich St.  #302.  Under the body of a murdered woman.	No.  This isn't what you think.
+No.  This isn't what you think.	I wanna be wrong here.  But we need to go to the precinct and talk about it.
+I wanna be wrong here.  But we need to go to the precinct and talk about it.	Okay, okay.  I need to go say something to Julia and finish up with the guy on the radio.
+Okay, okay.  I need to go say something to Julia and finish up with the guy on the radio.	You can talk to Julia.  Forget the radio.
+I swear, Satch.	Uh, huh...  Uh, huh.  And you got this from the guy you were talking to on the radio when I came in?
+Uh, huh...  Uh, huh.  And you got this from the guy you were talking to on the radio when I came in?	As nuts as that sounds, yes.
+As nuts as that sounds, yes.	Uh, huh.
+Uh, huh.	Satch, would you listen to me here.  Just you and me.  Can I talk to you here, alone?
+Frank, this is not the time to be worried about covering up if you had a thing with this girl.	He's not gonna stop, Satch.  He's gonna keep on...
+He's not gonna stop, Satch.  He's gonna keep on...	Are you listening to me?  You're in a world of shit.  An eye witness has you outside the dead girl's apartment.  We got your prints all over the place.  Plus the fucking driver's license, Frank.  You gotta give me something here. Something I can believe.
+What if I could prove it to you, Satch?	How's that?
+How's that?	What if I told you that in the bottom of the 6th we're gonna be down 3-0.  And Cleon Jones is gonna get hit in the foot. It's gonna leave a scuff mark on the ball.
+What if I told you that in the bottom of the 6th we're gonna be down 3-0.  And Cleon Jones is gonna get hit in the foot. It's gonna leave a scuff mark on the ball.	Frank, please...
+Frank, please...	The next batter, Clendenon, hits one outta the park.
+The next batter, Clendenon, hits one outta the park.	Frank, this is insane...
+Frank, this is insane...	In the bottom of the 7th, Weis is gonna hit a solo home run.  Jones and Swoboda are gonna score in the 8th.  The Mets are gonna win 5-3.  Go watch the game, Satch.
+In the bottom of the 7th, Weis is gonna hit a solo home run.  Jones and Swoboda are gonna score in the 8th.  The Mets are gonna win 5-3.  Go watch the game, Satch.	Go watch the game?  Go watch the fucking game?  Frank, they're gonna make you for Sissy Clark's murderer.  It matches the Nightingale's profile.  You understand what that means?
+Deleon.	Satch, you gotta listen to me...
+Satch, you gotta listen to me...	Frank.  We know.  We know it's Shepard.
+Frank.  We know.  We know it's Shepard.	No kidding.  I'm on the corner of 65th and CPW.  Come get me.
+You missed a hell of a game, Frank.	Next time lets put some money on it.
+Next time lets put some money on it.	Get him home safe.
+Looks like two weeks worth of allowance, Chief.	I know.  Sorry, Dad.
+I know.  Sorry, Dad.	Glad to hear that.
+Okay, start pedaling.	Daddy put the wheels back on.  I'm gonna fall.
+Daddy put the wheels back on.  I'm gonna fall.	Don't think about falling, just keep pedaling.
+Don't think about falling, just keep pedaling.	Daddy, I'm scared.
+Daddy, I'm scared.	C'mon, Chief, show some guts.
+Daddy, come up and sing the baseball.	I'll be up soon, Little Chief.
+I'm scared.	Don't be scared.  This time I'm right behind you if you fall.
+Don't be scared.  This time I'm right behind you if you fall.	Daddy, Daddy, I can't.
+Daddy, Daddy, I can't.	No, but we can.  We can do it together. Spirit and guts, Chief.
+You ready?	Wait...
+Wait...	I'm right here behind you...
+Yes!  That's it!  You got it, you got it! Way to go, Chief!	I'm doing it!  I'm doing it!
+Uh, hello?	WB2YKXB, who've I got?
+WB2YKXB, who've I got?	Name's John.
+Are you licensed to broadcast, buddy?	Look, I don't really remember how this thing works.
+Look, I don't really remember how this thing works.	Listen, you can't broadcast without a license.  Unless this is an emergency, you gotta get off the band.
+Listen, you can't broadcast without a license.  Unless this is an emergency, you gotta get off the band.	Pal, my whole life's an emergency.
+Where are you transmitting from?	Queens, New York.
+Queens, New York.	Whatta ya know.  Bayside, born and raised.
+Whatta ya know.  Bayside, born and raised.	I thought these things were for talkin' around the world.
+I thought these things were for talkin' around the world.	15-band closes down at night.  During the day you can chew the band with China if you want.
+15-band closes down at night.  During the day you can chew the band with China if you want.	I can't believe people are still using these things.
+Sorry 'bout that.  So Queens, you psyched for the Series?	I don't really follow baseball anymore.
+I don't really follow baseball anymore.	What?
+What?	I got fed up with all the bullshit.
+I got fed up with all the bullshit.	Fed up?  Lemme tell you something, in a 1000 years, when school kids study America, they're gonna learn about three things: the Constitution, Rock 'n' Roll, and Baseball.
+I'm right with you, man.  He's got the heart of a lion.  Hey, how 'bout the first game of the Series?	Yeah.  It was all over after Buford nailed Seaver's first pitch outta the park.
+...WB2YXB calling unidentified station, Queens.  CQ 15.	Hello?
+Hello?	I been Q-ing you all night.  How the hell did you do it?
+I been Q-ing you all night.  How the hell did you do it?	Huh?
+Huh?	The World Series.  You called Buford's homer.
+The World Series.  You called Buford's homer.	Wasn't too tough, buddy.  Game happened almost thirty years ago.
+Wasn't too tough, buddy.  Game happened almost thirty years ago.	What are you talking about?  I'm talking about this afternoon.
+What are you talking about?  I'm talking about this afternoon.	This afternoon?
+Sorry 'bout that.	What'd you just say?
+What'd you just say?	Oh, that was my kid.
+You call your son Little Chief?	Uh huh...
+Uh huh...	What'd you say your name was?
+What'd you say your name was?	Frank...Frank Sullivan.
+Frank...Frank Sullivan.	Is this some kind of joke?  Gordo is that you?  Are you fucking with me?
+Is this some kind of joke?  Gordo is that you?  Are you fucking with me?	Look pal, I'm just askin' how you...
+Look pal, I'm just askin' how you...	You're telling me your name is Frank Sullivan, you live in Queens and you just saw the first game of the '69 Series...live?
+You're telling me your name is Frank Sullivan, you live in Queens and you just saw the first game of the '69 Series...live?	Right...and I'm asking how you called the game.
+Right...and I'm asking how you called the game.	Gordo, if this is you, so help me...
+Gordo, if this is you, so help me...	What the hell does Gordy have to do with it?
+What'd you say your station...uh, your call letters were?	W...B...2...YXB.
+Now you listen to me.  My name is John Francis Sullivan, I live at 1060 41st, where I've lived my whole life.  And I saw the first game of the '69 Series at my Uncle Butch's house with my father...	What?
+What?	29-years ago.
+29 years...?	My dad's name was Frank Patrick Sullivan, he was a fire fighter and a die-hard Mets fan.  And every night when I went to bed he sang to me...  Take me out to the ball game, take me out with the crowd...
+What the hell...	I'm dreaming this.  Shit, this is a dream.
+I'm dreaming this.  Shit, this is a dream.	I'm not dreaming.
+What's going on?	Nothing...I just spilled something.
+Oh my god.	What?
+What?	You just burned the desk.
+You just burned the desk.	What's happening?
+That's impossible.	What if it's not...
+Dad...?	Johnny...?
+How could this be happening?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	We gotta be bouncing off the mother sun spot of all time.
+We gotta be bouncing off the mother sun spot of all time.	Sun spot?
+Sun spot?	Yeah, that's how Hams work.
+Yeah, that's how Hams work.	Wait a sec...there was something on the news.  Something about this space anomaly.  I think they said it was connected to some storm in '69.
+You sound...ground up...?	I'm thirty-five years old.
+I'm thirty-five years old.	Thirty-five?  That would make it...
+Thirty-five?  That would make it...	1998.
+1998...?  This is wrong.  Who are you? Why are you doing this?	"I'm not doing anything.  Look, I don't know what's going on.  But I swear on my life, I""m here at your old desk, on your Ham, in our house, right now...in 1998."
+It's really you, isn't it?	Yeah...I think so.
+No, not yet.	Too busy playin' ball, huh?
+Too busy playin' ball, huh?	Nah, I gave it up.
+You're still my Little Chief, right?	I'm trying to be, Dad.  I'm tyrin'.  It's good to hear your voice.  I missed you...so much.
+What's that?	I think I'm losing you.
+I think I'm losing you.	No wait, don't go!
+No wait, don't go!	It's okay.  I'm still here, Chief.
+It's okay.  I'm still here, Chief.	But you're not...you're not still here.
+What are you talking about?	I lost you.
+I lost you.	What?
+What?	I never knew you, Dad.
+I never knew you, Dad.	Why?
+Why?	Fire.
+Fire.	On the job?
+On the job?	It was an abandoned warehouse - hit by lightening.  Butch told Ma it was just one wrong turn. Said it wasn't your fault.  You went with the training, with your instincts.  If you'd just gone left instead of right, you would've made it.
+It was an abandoned warehouse - hit by lightening.  Butch told Ma it was just one wrong turn. Said it wasn't your fault.  You went with the training, with your instincts.  If you'd just gone left instead of right, you would've made it.	That can't be...that's not gonna happen.
+That can't be...that's not gonna happen.	It did, Pop.  It did.
+It did, Pop.  It did.	When?
+When?	October 12, 1969.
+But that's tomorrow.	Tomorrow.  Jesus...it hasn't happened. It doesn't have to happen.
+Don't go.  Don't go in that warehouse...	I don't understand.
+Dad...?	Chief?!  Is that you?
+Chief?!  Is that you?	Yeah, it's me.
+Yeah, it's me.	You're the voice of an angel, Johnny.  If you hadn't told me, no way I would'a ever made it.
+Dad, you there?  You okay?	Yeah.  I'm okay.  What about you?  I want to know.  About you.  And your mom.
+We're doing all right, Dad.  We're doing good.	Tell me.
+Tell me.	It's hard to explain.  Something happened today.  It was like a dream.  And when I woke up I had all these new memories. Good times.  Times we never had before.
+It's hard to explain.  Something happened today.  It was like a dream.  And when I woke up I had all these new memories. Good times.  Times we never had before.	I'm glad.
+Dad, I gotta tell you this...cause you should know.  Cause I still remember.	What, Johnny?  What is it?
+What, Johnny?  What is it?	What it was like when you died in the fire...
+Right here, Chief.  Sorry I lost you last night.  Damn thing keeps cutting out.	Dad...Dad... There's... I need to...
+Dad...Dad... There's... I need to...	"Are you alright""?"
+"Are you alright""?"	Something happened, something...
+Something happened, something...	What?  Johnny, what's wrong?
+What?  Johnny, what's wrong?	It's Mom.
+It's Mom.	What?  What is it?
+What?  What is it?	She's not here.
+She's not here.	Whatta you mean she's not here?
+Whatta you mean she's not here?	She...she died.  It's like it just happened.
+She...she died.  It's like it just happened.	She just died, your mother just died?
+She just died, your mother just died?	No Dad, it happened a long time ago, a long time ago for me.
+When?	October 22, 1969.
+October 22, 1969.	Jesus Christ...that's...ten days from now.  How?
+Murdered?  Why?	There was this case.  A serial.  He murdered three women, all nurses, between '68 and '69.  The papers called them the Nightingale Murders.  They never caught him.  But the killings just stopped.
+There was this case.  A serial.  He murdered three women, all nurses, between '68 and '69.  The papers called them the Nightingale Murders.  They never caught him.  But the killings just stopped.	What kinda twisted animal.
+What kinda twisted animal.	Dad, we did something.  Something to make it worse.
+Dad, we did something.  Something to make it worse.	Whatta you mean...
+Whatta you mean...	He didn't just kill three women anymore. He killed ten.
+He didn't just kill three women anymore. He killed ten.	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	Something we did changed the case...changed history.  Mom wasn't dead.  But then after you didn't die in the fire something must have happened.  And this guy, this Nightingale guy, he kept on killing...it was like a spree...seven more women.
+Something we did changed the case...changed history.  Mom wasn't dead.  But then after you didn't die in the fire something must have happened.  And this guy, this Nightingale guy, he kept on killing...it was like a spree...seven more women.	I gotta take her away, John.  I'm gonna take your mother away.  He can't hurt her if I take her away.
+I gotta take her away, John.  I'm gonna take your mother away.  He can't hurt her if I take her away.	I don't know...  What about the other women?
+I don't know...  What about the other women?	I'll warn them.
+I'll warn them.	That'll never work.  They'll just think you're crazy.
+That'll never work.  They'll just think you're crazy.	What can we do?  You don't even know who this guy is.
+What can we do?  You don't even know who this guy is.	No.  Nobody got...  Wait a minute.  I might not know who he is, but I know where he's gonna be.  I got the case file.  We know what he's gonna do before he does it.
+No.  Nobody got...  Wait a minute.  I might not know who he is, but I know where he's gonna be.  I got the case file.  We know what he's gonna do before he does it.	So what should I do?  Call the police? You think they'll believe me?
+So what should I do?  Call the police? You think they'll believe me?	They will if they catch him in the act. You can make that happen, Dad.  You can tail the victim and call it in at just the right moment.
+They will if they catch him in the act. You can make that happen, Dad.  You can tail the victim and call it in at just the right moment.	I don't know, John.  I'm a fire fighter. This is...this is different.
+I don't know, John.  I'm a fire fighter. This is...this is different.	I do know.  I'm a cop.  This is what I do.
+You ever talk to a victim's family?  The one's left behind?  They don't act like what you'd think.  There's panic and fear.  But mostly, it's like there's this logic problem.  And if they could only solve it, everything would be okay.  But if you look real close - look at their eyes - you can see it.  Just a glimmer.  But somewhere they know.  They know their world is never gonna be the same.	What if the radio stops working?  Christ, what if I can't reach you again?
+What if the radio stops working?  Christ, what if I can't reach you again?	Then you get Mom the hell out.  But Dad, those other women weren't supposed to die.  We don't try to stop this guy, we're gonna live with that for the rest of our lives.
+Why not just get the cops to watch the bar?	They'll question her.  Whatever they tell her could change what happens.  No, I want you to follow her.  See if anybody's watching her, hittin' on her. I'm betting somebody's gonna walk outta that bar with her.  When they do, you call the cops.
+What do I tell them?	Tell 'em there's a homicide in progress... cause by the time they show up there will be.
+I'll be damned.	Did you see him?  Do you know who he is?
+Did you see him?  Do you know who he is?	No.  I just kept talking to her.  There was a lot of guys in that bar - could'a been any of 'em.
+No.  I just kept talking to her.  There was a lot of guys in that bar - could'a been any of 'em.	It's okay.  This is working.  This is gonna work.
+It's okay.  This is working.  This is gonna work.	Whatta we do now?
+Whatta we do now?	Sissy Clark, 190 Riverside Dr., apartment 3C.  Tomorrow.  She's a nursing student.  Paying her way as a cocktail waitress at the Peppermint Lounge, on west 63rd.  Left work at two A M...killed in her apartment, between two thirty and five.
+Got it.	Dad, I think I may be able to get you enough information to make sure the DA can nail this bastard.
+Dad, I think I may be able to get you enough information to make sure the DA can nail this bastard.	How?
+How?	Coupla days ago they dug up a body in Washington Heights - Mary Finelli.  Girl disappeared in '68.  Turns out she was his first kill.  Which means he probably knew her.  Most serials know their first victim.  I'm gonna do some checking - see if I can put any of this together...
+Coupla days ago they dug up a body in Washington Heights - Mary Finelli.  Girl disappeared in '68.  Turns out she was his first kill.  Which means he probably knew her.  Most serials know their first victim.  I'm gonna do some checking - see if I can put any of this together...	All right, I'm with you.  I just hope we know what the hell we're doing.
+Tell me something good, Chief.  Tell me about the future.	Well they found out cigarettes give you lung cancer.
+What else, John.  It must be different, huh?  Are people living on the moon?	Didn't happen, we got enough problems down here.
+Didn't happen, we got enough problems down here.	What are we like in...1998?
+What are we like in...1998?	We're okay...we're good, Dad.
+We're okay...we're good, Dad.	Hey, what about the Amazin's?  They pull it off?
+Hey, what about the Amazin's?  They pull it off?	You really wanna know?
+You really wanna know?	Yeah, you betcha.
+Yeah, you betcha.	Well, game five was the big one.  It turned in the bottom of the 6th.  We were down 3-0.  Cleon Jones gets hit on the foot - left a scuff mark on the ball. Clendenon comes up.  The count goes to 2 2.  High fastball.  He nailed it.  Weis slammed a solo shot in the 7th to tie. Jones and Swoboda scored in the 8th.  We won, Pop.
+Well, game five was the big one.  It turned in the bottom of the 6th.  We were down 3-0.  Cleon Jones gets hit on the foot - left a scuff mark on the ball. Clendenon comes up.  The count goes to 2 2.  High fastball.  He nailed it.  Weis slammed a solo shot in the 7th to tie. Jones and Swoboda scored in the 8th.  We won, Pop.	Wow.
+Hang on a sec, John.	You there?
+John, say hello to my wife...Julia.	H-hi.
+John, you still there?	I'm right here, Dad.
+I'm right here, Dad.	You all right?
+You all right?	Yeah, I think so...
+Yeah, I think so...	Don't worry, Chief.  I'm not gonna let anything happen to her...no matter what.
+He killed her John.  He killed her and I didn't do a thing to stop it.	It's not your fault, Dad.
+It's not your fault, Dad.	Yes it is...we did this.  We changed everything.  I've been having bad dreams, Johnny. Dreams where I die...in the fire.  I was supposed to die in that warehouse.
+Yes it is...we did this.  We changed everything.  I've been having bad dreams, Johnny. Dreams where I die...in the fire.  I was supposed to die in that warehouse.	No.
+This is wrong...it's like we cheated...	I know...  But Dad, you can't go back.  You didn't die in that fire.  And no matter what you do, nothing is gonna change that.  So all we can do is deal with this...and try to make it right.
+I know...  But Dad, you can't go back.  You didn't die in that fire.  And no matter what you do, nothing is gonna change that.  So all we can do is deal with this...and try to make it right.	I don't think I can.  I'm not a cop.  I can't.   I can't stop this guy.
+I don't think I can.  I'm not a cop.  I can't.   I can't stop this guy.	But we can, we can do it together. Spirit and guts, remember?
+But we can, we can do it together. Spirit and guts, remember?	Johnny, I know, but...
+I need you to believe in me.  To believe that we can do this.	John, he's got my driver's license.
+John, he's got my driver's license.	What?
+What?	He took my driver's license, John, he knows where we live.
+He took my driver's license, John, he knows where we live.	He took your wallet?
+He took your wallet?	No, he tossed the wallet, but he kept the license.
+No, he tossed the wallet, but he kept the license.	He touched your wallet!  Where's your wallet?
+He touched your wallet!  Where's your wallet?	In my pocket.
+In my pocket.	We got him!  Dad you got him!
+We got him!  Dad you got him!	What?
+What?	His prints.  You've got his prints.  I'll run them through criminal index.  You gotta get me that wallet.
+His prints.  You've got his prints.  I'll run them through criminal index.  You gotta get me that wallet.	How the hell am I gonna do that?
+How the hell am I gonna do that?	Listen to me, very carefully, take your wallet out, just touch it on the corners.
+Listen to me, very carefully, take your wallet out, just touch it on the corners.	What...
+What...	Please, Dad, just do it.
+Please, Dad, just do it.	Okay, okay...
+I got it.	Right, now I need you to tape it up on the outside, where he touched it, so the prints keep.
+Right, now I need you to tape it up on the outside, where he touched it, so the prints keep.	Huh?
+It's gonna work, Dad.  We're gonna stop him.	Hang on.
+You're telling me this maniac is a cop? What the hell am I supposed to do with that one?	Call the FBI.  Use a pay phone.  Don't give 'em your name, Dad.  Just tell 'em that it was Shepard who killed Finelli and Clark and the others.  That he's the Nightingale.
+What are you doing here, Satch?  You off today?	Dad, you there?
+Dad, what the hell is going on?	Just a minute, John...okay?  Don't go away.
+John, you there?	Yeah, Dad.  What the hell is going on?
+Yeah, Dad.  What the hell is going on?	Satch is busting me for Sissy Clark's murder.  John...
+I'm here, Dad.  I'm here.	We did it, John.  We stopped him.
+Wait.  Something's wrong.  I don't...	What's wrong?
+What's wrong?	I don't remember.  Why don't I remember?
+I'm not your uncle, kid.  Gordo, what are you doing here?	Sully!  Is that you?
+Hey, Sull.  My cable's out again.	What the hell is that smell?
+Hey, OK if Gordy uses your old gear?	I think it's somewhere in the closet... if you can find it.
+Sull!  What the hell!	I talked to him Gordo.  I talked to my Dad.
+C'mon, man.  Get inside.  I'll come over. We'll play some Nintendo.	No.  I gotta tell him the address, so he doesn't go in.
+No.  I gotta tell him the address, so he doesn't go in.	Go in where?
+Go in where?	The warehouse.  Buxton seeds.  It's tomorrow.
+The warehouse.  Buxton seeds.  It's tomorrow.	I know pal.  I remember.  Twenty-nine years tomorrow.
+How you feeling?	Better.
+John.  John, you all right?	Longbranch...?
+Longbranch...?	What?
+My father didn't die in a fire?	Huh?
+Huh?	My father didn't die in a fire?
+My father didn't die in a fire?	Fire?  What are you talking about?  He had cancer, John.
+Fire?  What are you talking about?  He had cancer, John.	Cancer.  It was the cigarettes.  Right? The cigarettes?
+Cancer.  It was the cigarettes.  Right? The cigarettes?	Yeah, lung cancer.  Ten years ago.
+Huh?	The Ham radio.  That's how come he didn't die in the fire.
+This is the Space Cowboy.  I'm an intergalactic traveler from the Federation planet earth.	Gordo?
+Gordo?	How'd you know my name, mister?
+I better give you my address then.	Oh don't worry kid, I know where you live.  Now I want you to go upstairs and write this down, buy Yahoo. You got that Space Cowboy.  Y-a-h-o-o. It's a magic word and I never want you to forget it.
+Oh don't worry kid, I know where you live.  Now I want you to go upstairs and write this down, buy Yahoo. You got that Space Cowboy.  Y-a-h-o-o. It's a magic word and I never want you to forget it.	You got a deal, mister.  I mean Santa.
+Don't choke on your pride, Sull.  You ain't ever gonna catch another one like that.	She made up her mind.  Nothin' I do is gonna change it.
+She made up her mind.  Nothin' I do is gonna change it.	Nothing you're willing to do.
+You're not looking too good.	Whoa, I just...I just...
+Maybe you outta lay off a little...	Gordo, I wasn't dreaming.  I talked to him, it was real.
+Another rough night, huh?  That it?	Yeah.  That's it.
+This is getting real old, John.  And I'm tired up to here with it...	I'm sorry.  I just...you know...I...
+I'm sorry.  I just...you know...I...	And I'm tired of the I'm sorrys.  I don't need 'em.  What I need is a partner I can count on.  I care about you.  Not cause of me and your old man.  Not cause of your mom. But because of you.
+She makes ten.	Ten?  No.  I remember this case.  Three. He killed three women.
+Ten?  No.  I remember this case.  Three. He killed three women.	What're you talking'?  You know better than anybody, John.  You've read this file a thousand times.
+That's what we need here, Satch.  A lucky break.	That wasn't luck, Johnny boy.  That was smarts and ten plus on the job.
+Our lucky break.  Mario ID'd the dental. Mary Finelli...reported missing April 16, 1968.	April 16...?  That means she was the first.
+April 16...?  That means she was the first.	Which means he probably knew her.
+Which means he probably knew her.	This case just got hot.  We pull on this string...
+Okay, lemme walk you through it.	Mind if I shake it off first...so's I can concentrate better.
+I ran him through BCI...got a hit. Busted for sexual assault: March 22, 1970.  Eight days after the last Nightingale murder.	So you figure the murders stop 'cause he's off the street.  Then by the time he gets paroled, he's smartened up enough to control himself?
+So you figure the murders stop 'cause he's off the street.  Then by the time he gets paroled, he's smartened up enough to control himself?	Not the first time that's been true.  I'm telling you, I got a feeling about this guy.  This is the guy, Satch.
+Not the first time that's been true.  I'm telling you, I got a feeling about this guy.  This is the guy, Satch.	Uh, huh.
+Uh, huh.	What?
+What?	I'm just trying to figure what interests me more: the possibility that Daryl is the guy, or you making him absolutely the guy.
+Got a minute?	Yeah.  Sure.
+He ain't our guy, John.	Just cause he didn't want to look at the photos doesn't mean he isn't the doer. Not everyone fits the profile.
+Hi, this is Julia.  Please leave a message after the tone.	Hey, Ma, it's me.  Checking in.  Probably at work.  Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow night.  Love you.
+I thought it'd be nicer to eat here.	Sounds good.
+Sounds good.	I'm sorry Sam couldn't make it.
+I'm sorry Sam couldn't make it.	Yeah, those grad school applications are driving her crazy.
+I'm sure everything'll work out.  She really loves you...	So how are things at the hospital?
+So how are things at the hospital?	Fine.  You know Dr. Schwartz retired last month?
+Fine.  You know Dr. Schwartz retired last month?	No kidd'n, he musta been pushing 90!
+No kidd'n, he musta been pushing 90!	Close.
+So how'd you like LION KING?	Oh, I loved it.  I wish you'd gone.
+Oh, I loved it.  I wish you'd gone.	I know.  I'm sorry.  Work.
+I know.  I'm sorry.  Work.	You work too hard, John.
+You work too hard, John.	Look who's talking.
+Hey, future boy.  Frank tells me you're a cop?	Yeah, that's right.
+My six year-old here keeps telling me he wants to be a policeman.  Right after he retires from the majors.  We just gave him a badge and a whistle for his birthday.	Yeah...I remember.  I used to play cops and robbers but y-- ...my mom wouldn't let me have a toy gun.
+Yeah...I remember.  I used to play cops and robbers but y-- ...my mom wouldn't let me have a toy gun.	You're mom sounds like she's got some smarts.
+You're mom sounds like she's got some smarts.	She's pretty special.
+She's pretty special.	Are you a good cop, John?
+Are you a good cop, John?	I try to be.
+I try to be.	Then I'll bet she's real proud of you, huh?
+Then I'll bet she's real proud of you, huh?	Yeah.  I just wish I'd told her how proud I was of her.
+Yeah.  I just wish I'd told her how proud I was of her.	I'm sorry.  I didn't realize...  But she knew, John.  A mother knows what's in her son's heart.
+"Just came by to wrap up over there. Thought I'd say ""hello."""	Glad you did.  Come on in.  Buy you a cup of coffee?
+Wife around?	No.  No.  Well, sort of.  In my heart. Been dead 29 years.
+No.  No.  Well, sort of.  In my heart. Been dead 29 years.	Oh.  Sorry.  How so?
+You used to be on the job?	Yeah, long time ago.  I know you?
+Yeah, long time ago.  I know you?	I look familiar?
+I look familiar?	No.  What house you work?
+The 2-3.  Homicide.	A hot shot, huh?
+A hot shot, huh?	Nah, just working the job.
+Nah, just working the job.	I hear that.
+I hear that.	As a matter of fact, I caught a case that goes back to your day...one of the Nightingale murders.
+No kiddin'?	No.  Missing teenager.  Disappeared thirty years ago.  Found her bones last week.  Buried behind some old diner, up by Dyckman street.  Mary Finelli.
+Huh.	Talk about dumb luck.  Odds of anybody finding that girl, thirty years later. And then the chances of hitting a dental...forget about it.  Bets part is she's the first victim.  She knew the doer.  I'm betting those bones are gonna do a lot of talking.
+Who are you?	I'm the train wreck you didn't see coming.  And I'm gonna steal your life away.  You went down 30 years ago.  You just don't know it yet.
+Hell-	You have the right to remain silent.  If you give up that right...
+Who the fuck is this?	Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
+Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.	Sullivan?
+Sullivan?	You have the right to speak to an att --
+You have the right to speak to an att --	Fuck you, asshole.
+Fuck you, asshole.	It's a small world, Carl.  And I'm gonna find you.  Real soon.
+My name is Abel.  And I am my brother's keeper.	Where are you going?
+Where are you going?	Going?  How do you mean?
+Going?  How do you mean?	I mean, is there any place in particular where we can drop you off?
+I mean, is there any place in particular where we can drop you off?	Drop me off?  How do you mean?
+What is that?	"I found this today.  There were other pieces of the body lying there, but I believe ""he"" wanted me to have this..."
+"I found this today.  There were other pieces of the body lying there, but I believe ""he"" wanted me to have this..."	That's an eyeball!  Oh, God!
+That's an eyeball!  Oh, God!	"""He"" wanted me to warn you.  Look at this, all of you!"
+Dammit Shelly!  Why do you always have to be such an asshole!	I beg your pardon, I'm not an asshole.  I'm an actor.
+I beg your pardon, I'm not an asshole.  I'm an actor.	Same thing.
+Look Shelly, you're my roommate and I like you... most of the time.  But you gotta stop doing these things.  Now, I set this date up for you, didn't I?  So don't embarrass me.  When you meet this woman, just relax and be yourself.	Would you be yourself...  ...if you looked this this?
+No more... I can't!	Yes, you can.  Come on, Shelly!
+Who brought up this bright idea?	We were looking for something to keep our hands busy.  It was either this or an orgy.  Vera chose this.  What're ya gonna do?
+... One thousand twelve... one thousand thirteen... one thousand fourteen... What's the World's Record for this?	According to the Guinness Book, you passed the World's Record several whacks ago.
+According to the Guinness Book, you passed the World's Record several whacks ago.	I did?!  I broke the world's record.
+You're all just jealous.	Actually, I have no idea what the World's Record is.  I was just kidding.
+What're you gonna do?	Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
+So what would a weekend in the country be without sex?	Cool it, Andy.
+Cool it, Andy.	I didn't mean it the way it sounded...
+Breakfast?	No way.  We're pregnant.  Remember?
+What was that?	Where's Shelly?
+Why don't we go take a swim?	I don't know...
+I don't know...	We'd be all alone.  We could do anything we wanted and nobody would see.
+We'd be all alone.  We could do anything we wanted and nobody would see.	Sounds disgusting.  Let's go.
+What're you doing?	We haven't looked in the barn, yet.  Let's take a look.
+We haven't looked in the barn, yet.  Let's take a look.	Not now.  I'm cold.
+How about a roll in the hay?	You can play with yourself, 'cause I'm going in the house.
+How about you and I whacking a couple of balls around?	If you insist.
+How do we do it?	First we take off our clothes, then you get on top of me or I get on top of you...
+First we take off our clothes, then you get on top of me or I get on top of you...	I know how to do it.  I mean, how do we do it in the hammock?
+Think you can figure it out?	I'll think of something.
+That was the best yet.  Was it you... me... or the hammock?	I vote for me.
+I vote for me.	I vote for the hammock.
+What're you doin'?	"I think it's called ""a shower"". You might try it sometime."
+"I think it's called ""a shower"". You might try it sometime."	You're too clean for me.
+Hey Deb... can you hear me?	Barely.
+Barely.	I'm going downstairs to get a beer. You want one?
+I'm going downstairs to get a beer. You want one?	What?
+Do you want a beer or not?	Sure.
+Destroy the evidence?  No, man!	Yes, man!
+I'm gonna be sicker than all of you, man.  Now I gotta spend the whole weekend totally straight...  I don't think I can make it, man!	Chuck... look.
+I'm a slow eater.	I love you, man!
+It's dark down there.	That's the way it is, man. Cellars are dark.
+That's the way it is, man. Cellars are dark.	And Hell is hot, but I ain't goin' down there either.
+Maybe we should do some exercise.	This is all the exercise I need...
+I can't find the bong anywhere. Can't you remember where you dropped it?	I can't even remember what day it is, man.
+I can't even remember what day it is, man.	It's Friday the 13th.
+What's the matter?!	Nothin'.  I was just foolin' around.
+Nothin'.  I was just foolin' around.	Don't do that to me!
+Here.  Go down the cellar and check the fusebox.	Will you come with me?
+Will you come with me?	Be a man, man.
+Which one is it?	It's the last house on the left. She lives downstairs.
+I appreciate the fact that you worry about me, but don't.	Okay, we won't.  We'll just have fun, all agreed?
+What are they saying?	I don't know.  I flunked Spanish.
+Come on down!	You go ahead...
+What's this?	Your bed.
+Your bed.	A hammock?
+A hammock?	Have you ever made love in a hammock?
+Derek... stop.	Why?
+You know what I've been through. Don't ever scare me like that.	I'm sorry.  I just wanted to surprise you.  What can I say?
+I'm sorry.  I just wanted to surprise you.  What can I say?	"You can say... ""Hello, how are you?""... for starters."
+"You can say... ""Hello, how are you?""... for starters."	Hello.  How are you?
+You haven't changed a bit.  Always so sure of yourself.  Even when we were kids, when you wanted something, nothing could stop you.	Is that so bad?
+Is that so bad?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	You're irresistible.  I lose control.
+You're irresistible.  I lose control.	Just slow down.  Let me get to know you again.  Let me get to know this place again.
+Just slow down.  Let me get to know you again.  Let me get to know this place again.	Okay.  There's a whole weekend ahead of us.  There's time.
+This door was open just a minute ago, wasn't it?	What?
+What?	Nothing.
+Look what I found.  Remember these?	Did you stay here last night?
+Did you stay here last night?	No.  I got here just before you did.
+No.  I got here just before you did.	Somebody was in here.
+Somebody was in here.	Goldilocks and the Three Bears?
+Goldilocks and the Three Bears?	I'm serious.  Doesn't this look a little strange to you?
+Shelly!  Where are you?!	Are you all right, Shelly?
+Let's spread out and check all the rooms.  Outside, too.  You stay with me.	No.  I can look around by myself. I'll take the upstairs.
+This is too painful to look at.	Why don't we drive over to the cove and watch the sunset.  It'll mellow you out.
+You know, I'm not sure I could live anywhere else.  The nights are always so peaceful and quiet.	It's deceiving.
+It's deceiving.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	The quiet can fool you.  It fooled me.  You can never be sure of what's out there.
+Why did you come back here?	... To prove something to myself... to prove I'm stronger than I think I am.
+... To prove something to myself... to prove I'm stronger than I think I am.	And, what about us?
+And, what about us?	I'm here with you.  Can't that be enough for now?
+I'm here with you.  Can't that be enough for now?	I don't know.  I don't see you for months on end, and when I do, you put this wall between us.  How do I break through?
+I don't know.  I don't see you for months on end, and when I do, you put this wall between us.  How do I break through?	I'm trying.  I'm really trying.
+What happened that night?	You promised you'd never ask me.
+You promised you'd never ask me.	After you left me that night, I didn't see you or talk to you again for a year.  No one would tell me anything.  All I know is what the police told me.  We have nowhere to go unless you let me in.  What happened?
+When you dropped me off at the house, it was very late.  My parents were waiting up for me. As soon as I got in the door, they starting yelling and cursing at me.  I was so upset... I told them I slept with you.  My mothers slapped me.  That was the first time she'd ever hit me.  I couldn't believe it.  I ran out of the house and into the woods as fast and as far as I could run. I was crying.  They had destroyed the most beautiful night of my life and I wanted to punish them for that.  I decided to hide out all night.  They'd be so worried that they'd be sorry for what they did to me.  The woods were cold and damp from the rain.  I found a dry spot under a rotted oak tree and I guess I fell asleep.  All I can remember next is being startled out of sleep by the sound of footsteps.  I thought it was my father so I hid behind the tree. But the footsteps just stopped. The woods were dark.  I couldn't see anything.  I heard a cracking noise behind me.  I turned around and... and... oh, God... there was this hideous looking man.  So grotesque he was almost inhuman.  He had a knife and he started to slash away at me, again and again.  I was so hysterical and I don't know how I was able to get away.  I ran and ran, but he kept coming.  He was big but so fast.  He caught me and pulled me down to the ground and he... he... ripped my blouse off. I was screaming, but who could hear me?  Then... oh, God... he dragged me by the hair along the ground.  I was kicking and yelling.  He dragged me deeper and deeper into the woods.  Oh, please... please...	It's all right, you're all right. I'm with you.
+Could we move a little faster?	Sure, just watch where you're going.
+You know him?	Sort of.
+Hi.	You're Shelly?
+You're Shelly?	I'm sorry.
+What d'ya got in there?	My whole world.
+My whole world.	In that little thing?
+In that little thing?	Stick around and you'll see.
+What are we gonna do?	Destroy the evidence, Pronto!
+Faster!  Eat faster!	Why don't you help us?
+Why don't you help us?	Uh... I guess I'm just not hungry.
+That scarecrow?  Can't you tell how weird his is just by looking at him.	Come on, Shelly.  Who else is gonna give him a lift?
+Come on, Shelly.  Who else is gonna give him a lift?	Not us!  He's really creepy.
+Is... is everything all right?	Everything's gonna be fine.
+Everything's gonna be fine.	Excuse me, but I believe that's mine...
+Please... be cool.	May be please have the wallet.
+Are they following us?	Yes.
+Yes.	Gulp!
+See anything?	"Just a dirty window.  Next time, I'll know how to handle a situation like that.  Let's just hope that ""next time"" isn't too soon."
+"Just a dirty window.  Next time, I'll know how to handle a situation like that.  Let's just hope that ""next time"" isn't too soon."	Stop worrying.  I don't think they'll bother to come after us.
+I don't see anything.	Keep looking.
+Got any good ideas?	Maybe.
+This is no time to celebrate!	Just keep your eyes on the road.
+What're you doing?	"No time to explain.  Just listen. When I yell ""stop,"" you jam on the brakes as hard as you can.  Okay?"
+"No time to explain.  Just listen. When I yell ""stop,"" you jam on the brakes as hard as you can.  Okay?"	You're the boss.
+Bullseye!	Stop the car!  Now!!
+This has been on helluva beginning to a quiet weekend in the country.	Look at it this way... things can only get better... Right?
+We had a slight misunderstanding with that motorcycle gang...  ... but Shelly made them see the error of their ways.	It was nothing.
+We're really sorry, but it wasn't our fault.	A few minor repairs and it'll be as good as new.
+Vera... you and I have had a chance to really get to know one another today.  I like you... very much.  I was thinking that maybe.	Don't say any more.
+You've just learned a valuable lesson.  A beautiful girl like you should never go out in the dark alone.	Damn you, Shelly!
+Why do you do these stupid things?!	I have to.
+I have to.	"You don't ""have to."""
+"You don't ""have to."""	I just want you to like me.
+I just want you to like me.	I do like you.  But not when you act like a jerk.
+I do like you.  But not when you act like a jerk.	Being a jerk is better than being nothing.
+Being a jerk is better than being nothing.	"I never said you were ""nothing""."
+"I never said you were ""nothing""."	You don't to say it.  I can tell.
+You don't to say it.  I can tell.	You're wrong.
+I thought that was the end of the song.	Great.  Just great.
+If this thing is burned out, friggin' Horace will ground my butt.	Who's Horace?
+Who's Horace?	My friggin' stepfather and asshole- in-residence.
+What?	Go out and plug the cord back in.
+Go out and plug the cord back in.	What?  Who pulled it out?!
+Will you hurry up!  I gotta get this fuckmobile back before Horace finds out I took it.	Alright, alright.
+That's it.  Pull over.  I'm drivin'.	No way...  ...I wanna rock!
+Will you slow down?  It's hard enough to read this thing.	Well, who told me to take this cow path?
+Well, who told me to take this cow path?	"You admit the sign did say ""Camp Forest Green,"" with an arrow pointing this way."
+"You admit the sign did say ""Camp Forest Green,"" with an arrow pointing this way."	I admit nothing without talking to my lawyer.
+Darren, we better turn around.	Why?
+Why?	Why?  Because I've seen enough horror movies to know masked weirdos are never friendly.
+Yeah... We're gonna scare him.	We're gonna scare him?!
+That's right.  Just drive toward him.  He'll move.  Nobody wants to die.	That's a freakin' fact.  Least of all us.
+That's a freakin' fact.  Least of all us.	Just drive.  He'll get out of our way.
+Oh, jeez.	That's it.  We're driving this baby back to town... in reverse.
+Don't worry about it.  Just stay cool.	Stay cool?  You ain't Dirty Harry. Now stop it.
+It's kinda frightening to think that a kid like that can go so far over the edge.  Jason really screwed up the poor sonofabitch's mind.	He really believes Jason's still alive, doesn't he?
+He really believes Jason's still alive, doesn't he?	But that's no what worries me the most...It's how far he'll go to try and prove it.
+I'm getting real tired of this maniac.	Maybe we better call that psychiatric clinic.
+Maybe we better call that psychiatric clinic.	Better call an ambulance first.
+Is that all you found?	I wish it was.
+Better get out the Hefty Bags... Looks like our boy desperately wants us to believe his story.	He sure chose the right day to pull this shit.
+He sure chose the right day to pull this shit.	Whaddya mean?
+Whaddya mean?	Happy Friday the 13th.
+You just sit tight, Jason.  Once the authorities from Carpenter get here, you'll...	Sheriff, you better take this.
+....with a woman's touch.	Now wait a second!  I thought Burt shot you.
+Now wait a second!  I thought Burt shot you.	See any paint?...  ...Sorry, guys, I did in Mr. Commando.  Survival is the name of the game, and that flag is mine.
+Come on, you guys!  The game's over!!	You don't know for sure.  What about Roy?  Nobody's seen him.
+You don't know for sure.  What about Roy?  Nobody's seen him.	Of course not.  If he hasn't already accidentally pelleted himself, I'm sure he's lost.
+Of course not.  If he hasn't already accidentally pelleted himself, I'm sure he's lost.	Yeah, but the game's not over until it's over.
+Ahh, nothing.	I could swear I heard...
+Once we nail Roy, that's it. Victory is ours.	This is taking forever.  I'm starving.
+This is taking forever.  I'm starving.	That's your problem, Larry. That's why your sales are always below quota.  Your instinct to eat is stronger than your instinct to win.
+That's your problem, Larry. That's why your sales are always below quota.  Your instinct to eat is stronger than your instinct to win.	My ass.
+My ass.	Yeah, that's fat too.
+You become a whole other person when you're out here, Stan.  And I don't like it.	This is a man's game.  Requiring a man's cunning and intelligence...
+Never should've let her play.	It's a damn company executive game, and she's a damn company exec.
+Come on, Dad.  You could have Rick drive down Cunningham Road and look for them.	Megan, my deputies have more important things to do than look for camp counselors with car trouble.
+Jason who?	Megan, get away from him.  He's dangerous.
+But, Dad, we...	Megan, take your friends back to the camp.  I'll let you know if I hear anything about your counselors.
+When are you going to stop treating me like one!	When you stop acting like one... Tommy Jarvis is a very sick boy. And you...
+When you stop acting like one... Tommy Jarvis is a very sick boy. And you...	How do you know?  Did you take his temperature?
+How do you know?  Did you take his temperature?	You watch that smart-mouthing, young lady.
+What it is?	Not what...who.  Seems your boyfriend wants people to believe Jason has returned.
+Not what...who.  Seems your boyfriend wants people to believe Jason has returned.	I thought Jason was only a legend?
+I thought Jason was only a legend?	He is.  Only Tommy wants to prove the legend is true...  ...You stay put.  And I'm not kidding.
+...And I said, shut up!	All he's asking is for you to check it out.
+Can't you at least call the camp and make sure everything's all right?	We have!  Trying to track you down.  The phone there is disconnected.
+Rick.  Keep and eye on our wacko kid.  I'll be back as soon as I can.	Daddy, what is going on?
+Daddy, what is going on?	And make sure my daughter stays put...  ...She's grounded.
+No.  No, it's not...	Yes, Megan.  Tommy Jarvis is a killer.  A very deranged boy who wants you to believe that...
+Yeah, hi.  Listen, I've got to talk to your dad.  About Jason. I've got a plan.  I need to buy some things first but mainly need help to...	Tommy, my father is out looking for you right now.  Something happened tonight and he's sure you're responsible.  If he finds you, he'll...
+Tommy, my father is out looking for you right now.  Something happened tonight and he's sure you're responsible.  If he finds you, he'll...	I already have a very good idea what could've happened...  ...Megan, Jason is out there.  He has to be stopped.  I'm positive he's heading back to the lake area.  He'll keep killing until...
+What?	Hide it behind the gas station. Then we can get the hell out of here.
+Didn't you say you needed some supplies to do this?	Uh...yes.  But...
+Uh...yes.  But...	Then let's get goin'.  We can argue on the way.  You tell me what you need...  ...I'll make sure you get in.
+You got it.  Just keep an eye out for roadblocks.	Okay.  There's one.
+It's all over.	It's just beginning.
+So what are ya drawin'?	What's it to ya?
+There...Ya happy?	No.
+No.	Why?
+Why?	'Cause it stinks.
+Okay, give it back.	Come and get it.
+Sorry, Megan.  Not this time.	Wait a minute. I just...
+Wait a minute. I just...	I thank you for getting me out. But I gotta finish what I started.
+Are you sure this is gonna work? I mean, why didn't we bring that gun and just blast him away?	It probably wouldn't have any effect on him.  The only sure way to stop Jason is to return him to his original resting place, where he drowned in 1957.
+It probably wouldn't have any effect on him.  The only sure way to stop Jason is to return him to his original resting place, where he drowned in 1957.	Lake Forest Green?
+Lake Forest Green?	Crystal Lake...where the nightmare began.
+They did show up.  Isn't that great?	I hope so.
+Whew...Okay, hand me those padlocks.	Did you hear me?!
+Did you hear me?!	Yes.  And I said, hand me those padlocks.
+So what happened?	There was this monster.  He was after me.  He wanted to kill me.
+You mean you had a bad dream.	No, he was real.  Like on TV.
+Okay, listen...what's your name, sweetie?	Nancy.
+Nancy.	Well, Nancy, I'm Paula... remember?  This is Sissy, and we're gonna be right out there all night so nothing can hurt you. Okay?...
+...Good.  So no more bad dreams can come around here, huh?	No more.
+Where'd you get this?	I found it outside.
+You know what?  Sissy and Cort are playing jokes.  You know, trying to scare each other.	Why?
+Why?	Well, grown-ups think it's funny to be scared.
+Well, grown-ups think it's funny to be scared.	Are they grown-ups?
+Are they grown-ups?	That's debatable.
+That's debatable.	Huh?
+I can't believe no one called back.  I better...	Who ya calling?
+But what if they try and scare us?	We'll scare 'em right back.
+I'm sure Cort and Sissy are back in their cabins.  So you just go back to sleep and don't worry.	But what I get scared again?
+But what I get scared again?	Shhh...You know what I used to do when I was a little girl when I got scared?
+It's just that Darren and Lizbeth are in charge of organizing and setting up the new campgrounds.	All the little kids arrive today. We're not ready to deal with that alone.
+So where's Cort gone off to?	Are you ready?  He's taken our young men off to teach them my favorites sport.
+Are you ready?  He's taken our young men off to teach them my favorites sport.	Which is?
+Which is?	Boy scouting.
+Boy scouting.	You gotta be kidding!
+Okay, okay.  I suggest that the crime was committed in the bedroom, by Colonel Mustard, with the knife.	Huh?  Oh, come on, Sis.  I'm tellin' ya, we can't play Clue with just two people.
+Huh?  Oh, come on, Sis.  I'm tellin' ya, we can't play Clue with just two people.	Why not?  I used to play it alone. I love murder games.  Have you ever played The Consulting Detective?
+Why not?  I used to play it alone. I love murder games.  Have you ever played The Consulting Detective?	No...Did Megan say when she's coming back from her...visit?
+No...Did Megan say when she's coming back from her...visit?	Of course not.  She probably took him a loaf of bread with a saw hidden in it.  I still don't get it.  Why him?  I mean, he's cute alright, but...
+Hi.  Everything's all right now. We're here.	Yeah, we're here.
+I just realized something. Where's Cort?  I haven't seen him for hours.	I don't know.  He called somebody, then took off.
+I don't know.  He called somebody, then took off.	He didn't say anything?
+He didn't say anything?	"Yeah, he was gonna check out ""things that go bump in the night."""
+What's goin' on?	I think somebody's messin' around out there.
+Now you better cool out a minute, boy.  You already almost got your head blown to pieces.	Will you listen, dammit!
+Will you listen, dammit!	Don't piss me off, junior.  Or I will repaint this office with your brains.
+Jason is alive.  We dug up his body.  I was gonna cremate it and...	Hold it.  Whoa... What's your name, son?
+Hold it.  Whoa... What's your name, son?	Tommy Jarvis.  We gotta do something.  He's even more powerful now that...
+Aren't you the kid whose mother and friends were....	Yeah.  Jason murdered them and...
+Yeah.  Jason murdered them and...	And you've been at some psychiatric clinic ever since, haven't you?
+And you've been at some psychiatric clinic ever since, haven't you?	Yes, but they released me because...
+No problem, Rick.  Come over and meet a former resident here, Tommy Jarvis.  He's got some kinda prank going about...	There's no time for this bullshit...
+Why didn't you cremate him?!	They were gonna!  But some asshole sent a lot of money to give Jason and his mother a decent burial. Now look, you just lie down and get some rest.  In the morning I'll call that clinic and see if they...
+If you'd just go to the cemetery, you'll see I'm not lying.	Either you go to sleep or I'll come in there and put you out.
+Either you go to sleep or I'll come in there and put you out.	You're gonna be sorry you didn't listen to me.
+You're gonna be sorry you didn't listen to me.	You're gonna be sorry if you don't shut the fuck up.
+I sympathize with you kids.  The best I can do is call the station in Carpenter and have them keep a lookout for them.	I got a bad feeling of what might've happened to them.
+Yes!	No!...  ... You kids better leave.  This boy here is not well and I need to talk to him in private.
+I was going to call the clinic and have them collect your ass.  But I don't want you around here any longer poisoning my daughter, or anyone else, with your warped mind.	But they have to be warned, Sheriff.  Jason will return to the area that's familiar.  No matter what you call it, it's still Camp Crystal Lake to him.
+I gotta show you Jason's grave.	I've seen it.
+I've seen it.	Please, Sheriff.  You'll see we dug it up.
+Don't concern yourself, Martin. This boy needs treatment.  We're taking care of it.  Sorry for the disturbance.	Jason's not in his coffin!  Hawes is!  Dig it up!  You gotta dig it up!!
+With extreme car, for God's sake. If that kid is with her, there's every good chance he'll do something crazy.	Please don't do anything crazy.
+You got me where you want me. There's no reason not...	If I had you where I really wanted you, they'd be pumping your ass full of formaldehyde.
+Doesn't that tell you something?!	Yeah...They should've paid their bill.
+Mr. Duke, how can you claim that Jason Voorhees is not truly dead?	How many times has Jason been reported killed before, Mr. Campbell?
+How many times has Jason been reported killed before, Mr. Campbell?	Eight times.
+Eight times.	Eight times.  They've burned him, dipped him in nuclear waste --
+Eight times.  They've burned him, dipped him in nuclear waste --	-- But this time they bombed him and then cremated the body.
+-- But this time they bombed him and then cremated the body.	They coulda danced a jig on it an' fed it to goats -- don't matter.  Ya' can't kill Jason by gettin' rid of his body.  He'll come back the way he always do, to drag the kiddies into the darkness and crush their little skulls -- maybe even your skull, Mr. Campbell.
+Well, let's hope not!	Yeah, that'd be a big shame...
+"In the media, you've frequently been described as ""salty"" --"	-- look, just shut up.  Let's cut through the shit.  You asked me here because you want me to catch and kill Jason Voorhees for ya'.  I'll do it, but it won't be easy...and it won't be cheap.  One hundred grand, non- negotiable.
+-- look, just shut up.  Let's cut through the shit.  You asked me here because you want me to catch and kill Jason Voorhees for ya'.  I'll do it, but it won't be easy...and it won't be cheap.  One hundred grand, non- negotiable.	I understand.  However, our audience should be aware that you only charged forty thousand dollars to catch the Idaho skin stretcher.
+I understand.  However, our audience should be aware that you only charged forty thousand dollars to catch the Idaho skin stretcher.	Skin stretcher was human.
+Mr. Duke tonight I'm prepared to offer you your sum of one hundred thousand dollars, payable only after you provide American Casefile with incontrovertible proof of --	-- yeah, yeah, yeah.  You just have your hundred grand ready.  For that you get the machete...the mask...the whole damn thing.
+Diana -- you heard from Jessica lately?	Yes.
+...but there just may not be enough time.  If you still care about her, if you still want to try to make things better between you two...we should talk.	So let's talk.
+So let's talk.	No.  Not here.  Come by my house tonight at eleven.  Don't be late.
+You have to...save...Jessica... Save Jessica and save the...	The what?
+The what?	Save your...
+Steven...	I'm here.
+I'm here.	I'm scared.  I'm very scared.
+Anything else?	Yes.
+I know who you are.	I need to talk to you.
+I need to talk to you.	I'm kind of busy right now...
+I'm kind of busy right now...	I'm going to kill Jason Voorhees -- and I need you to help me.
+I'm going to kill Jason Voorhees -- and I need you to help me.	Jason Voorhees is dead.
+Jason Voorhees is dead.	You know he's not...and he's coming for you.
+You know he's not...and he's coming for you.	You food'll be right out.
+No, I --	Twenty.
+Twenty.	Look --
+Look --	Thirty.  Name your price.  Everyone has a price, what's yours?
+Thirty.  Name your price.  Everyone has a price, what's yours?	Look, I don't want your money!
+Look, I don't want your money!	Then maybe I should offer it to your daughter...
+What do you want?	You know what I want.  You know why I need you.
+You know what I want.  You know why I need you.	You need to leave.
+You need to leave.	I know everything about you, Diana.
+I know everything about you, Diana.	That's it, we're done.
+Everything going okay?	It's going.
+It's going.	Legs giving you trouble?
+Legs giving you trouble?	Not so bad, today.
+Steven buggin' you?	Do you have to ask?
+Ed...	Okay.  So how is Jessica?  You talked to her lately?
+Okay.  So how is Jessica?  You talked to her lately?	Yeah, she's good, considering. That kid just takes everything in stride.
+I gotta get back to work.	Okay, I'll call you later.
+What's the problem here?	N...nothing.
+Hello...	June the 19th.
+Jesus!	Sorry, Di.  I was just going to my car.  I didn't mean to frighten you...
+Sorry, Di.  I was just going to my car.  I didn't mean to frighten you...	It's...It's all right.
+Listen...don't you worry about Ed. He'll come around.  He's too good a Sheriff to let you give him the slip.	I'm just too old for going steady, Josh.
+I'm just too old for going steady, Josh.	So's he and he knows it.
+Everything'll work out.  Trust me on that.	Okay.
+Okay.	Good night, beautiful.
+Good night, beautiful.	'Night, Josh.
+Maybe you should be moving on.	Maybe you should mind your own business.
+Maybe you should mind your own business.	Get up!
+Get up!	Why don't you blow me, Chief.  After your girlfriend gets through.
+You're talking about my lady.	She's your lady only cause she ain't had a taste of the Duke yet.
+She's your lady only cause she ain't had a taste of the Duke yet.	Goddamnit!
+Careful, Chief.  I don't think you know who I am.	"I know who you are and the last thing we need around here is some freak show ""bounty hunter"" making trouble. I want you outta town and I want you outta town now!"
+"I know who you are and the last thing we need around here is some freak show ""bounty hunter"" making trouble. I want you outta town and I want you outta town now!"	That's very colorful, chief.
+That's very colorful, chief.	Take him to my car.  I'll be out in a minute.
+Where the fuck is she, Duke?!	That's what I'd like to know.
+Why did you want her body?	For a good reason.
+For a good reason.	Tell me.
+Tell me.	Sorry.
+Sorry.	Tell me!
+Tell me!	Information like that is very expensive and you don't have the balls to pay the price.
+Lock this asshole up.	You think you can lock me up in this piss-ass prison?  Hell, this place is motel fuckin' six to me.
+Jessica, I'm so sorry.  I...I wanted to have this cleaned up before you got here.	That's all right.  I was just...
+She's beautiful.	Her name's Stephanie.
+Her name's Stephanie.	She's yours?
+Why didn't you tell me?	I was going to, I was going to tell everyone.  I just...didn't expect to be back here so soon.  Is Steven around?
+Does he know about what happened?	Yeah.  Sit down a second.  There's something I need to tell you about Steven...
+Jesus, Steven, that's...that's really lovely.	I mean, how can you go through life without never having made a prank call?
+I mean, how can you go through life without never having made a prank call?	Hell, when Steven was a kid, he was like, having strippers delivered to church Bingos and shit.
+It was a community service.	Absolutely.  The church even sent me an autographed picture of God.  Ward!
+What are you doing?	Showing Vicki what she missed out on by being such a dull kid.  Now, the first thing you need in making a prank call is, of course, a phone.  This one, for instance.
+Showing Vicki what she missed out on by being such a dull kid.  Now, the first thing you need in making a prank call is, of course, a phone.  This one, for instance.	Steven, c'mon, we're not thirteen...
+Steven, c'mon, we're not thirteen...	Next, you dial a number.
+...and it's now ringing...ringing... and -- Hello? Anthony's Pizzeria? Yeah, this is officer Randy Parker over at the station.	Oh, c'mon, would you stop, please?
+Oh, c'mon, would you stop, please?	Is this Anthony?...Yeah, well, I just have one question for you, Anthony -- did you fuck my dog?
+Is this Anthony?...Yeah, well, I just have one question for you, Anthony -- did you fuck my dog?	Oh my God, Steven.
+Oh my God, Steven.	Yeah, well somebody fucked her and if I find out it was you, I'm gonna come over there and shoot you in the head.
+Yeah, well somebody fucked her and if I find out it was you, I'm gonna come over there and shoot you in the head.	I'm now begging you.
+I'm now begging you.	Listen, since I got you on the phone -- ask the guys there if they wanna chip in for a hooker.  I'll send her right over.  Her name is Vicki.
+Randy, you dipshit!  Take these off!	Sorry, I'm working now.  You see, I have a job...
+Sorry, I'm working now.  You see, I have a job...	Randy, c'mon!
+Randy, c'mon!	Have a good night.
+Wanna know how I did that?	Yeah...
+Yeah...	Gotta go.  See you guys later.
+Well?	I'm sorry.  I have to bring you to a cell.
+I'm sorry.  I have to bring you to a cell.	Are you crazy?!
+Are you crazy?!	I know, I know, I'm sorry but the Sheriff is just berserk right now. C'mon.
+I'll be back later.  You just be cool, okay.	Okay.
+Okay.	Don't do anything stupid.
+Don't do anything stupid.	What am I gonna do -- I'm locked up in a friggin' cell?!
+What am I gonna do -- I'm locked up in a friggin' cell?!	I'm gonna get your outta this.  Just hang tight.  Okay?
+I'm gonna get your outta this.  Just hang tight.  Okay?	Okay.
+Oh, my dear God...	He was dead.  He had to be dead...
+How many times do you want to hear this?	Until I hear the truth.
+Until I hear the truth.	I've told you the truth.
+I've told you the truth.	The truth?  That Josh, a man I've trusted with my own life on more than one occasion -- let me see if I've got the order right here -- tried to rape Diana...got the back of his head blown off...took a poker through the gut...fell through a plate glass window and then magically disappeared into the night.
+The truth?  That Josh, a man I've trusted with my own life on more than one occasion -- let me see if I've got the order right here -- tried to rape Diana...got the back of his head blown off...took a poker through the gut...fell through a plate glass window and then magically disappeared into the night.	I know what it sounds like.
+I know what it sounds like.	You don't know shit!
+You don't know shit!	I didn't kill her!
+I didn't kill her!	Then why were you at her house?!  She didn't want anything to do with you.
+Then why were you at her house?!  She didn't want anything to do with you.	She asked me to come over.  She said she had something to tell me.
+She asked me to come over.  She said she had something to tell me.	About what?
+About what?	About Jessica.
+About Jessica.	That's a lie.  Diana would never talk to you about Jessica.  Not after what you did to her.
+That's a lie.  Diana would never talk to you about Jessica.  Not after what you did to her.	Look, I know I treated her bad --
+Look, I know I treated her bad --	-- Bad?!
+You call what you did bad?!  You knocked her up and then left her!	No -- she left me!  After her miscarriage, I --
+No -- she left me!  After her miscarriage, I --	-- Miscarriage?!  Who the fuck told you Jessica had a miscarriage?!
+-- Miscarriage?!  Who the fuck told you Jessica had a miscarriage?!	She did!
+My God...you are one sorry son-of-a- bitch.	She did have a miscarriage, didn't she?  Didn't she?!
+She did have a miscarriage, didn't she?  Didn't she?!	Oh, you stupid, sorry son-of-a- bitch...
+What do you mean you've never made a prank call?	Never.
+Never.	You mean never as in really never, or never as in it was just so stupid you don't want to tell us about it?
+You mean never as in really never, or never as in it was just so stupid you don't want to tell us about it?	I mean really never.
+I mean really never.	I'm sorry to hear that.  A famous man once said -- there is no worse regret then a temptation resisted.
+That's disgusting.	Disgusting?  Bingo night was sold out for six months after that!  They raised enough money to build a day care center.
+Steven!	She's a waitress at Joey B's but she needs some extra cash.  Ward's the pimp.
+She's a waitress at Joey B's but she needs some extra cash.  Ward's the pimp.	I'm literally going to kill you!
+I'm literally going to kill you!	Ten dollars! Hell, I can't do that to you -- you can have her for a pizza.
+Ten dollars! Hell, I can't do that to you -- you can have her for a pizza.	A pizza?!
+What's going on? I heard on the P.A. system that...	The Captain's been murdered. The buzz is that Jason might be on board.
+The Captain's been murdered. The buzz is that Jason might be on board.	Jason...Voorhees?
+Have you seen Tamara?	No. And I'm not losing any sleep over it.
+No. And I'm not losing any sleep over it.	But she might be in trouble...
+But she might be in trouble...	So what else is new?  Look Eva, you're asking the wrong dude to feel sorry for Tamara Mason. Wise up -- it's not hip to be her friend.
+So what else is new?  Look Eva, you're asking the wrong dude to feel sorry for Tamara Mason. Wise up -- it's not hip to be her friend.	I don't care about being hip anymore.
+I hear the crew members are cute guys in their twenties.	Really?
+Really?	I'm sure we'll have no problem getting them to party with us...especially with this.
+It's my graduation gift from Daddy. It cost over a thousand bucks but it's the best.	He bought you that?
+He bought you that?	More or less. It's part of my college fund.
+A major prick.	What are you going to do?
+What are you going to do?	Improvise, of course.
+He's undefeated, you know that?  Julius is the only senior I'd even consider doing it with. If he wasn't black, that is.	My parents are open minded about that sort of thing.
+My parents are open minded about that sort of thing.	My stepmom couldn't care less, but Daddy would have a shit fit.  He might even pay some attention to me.
+I think it's time for some recreational activity, girl.	Sounds good. I hear there's a shuffleboard court on deck -- it might be kinds cool...
+Sounds good. I hear there's a shuffleboard court on deck -- it might be kinds cool...	You're joking, right?
+No thanks.	What? Don't be a lightweight...this is top dollar toot.
+What? Don't be a lightweight...this is top dollar toot.	It's not that, it's just that...  It I get caught, I'll lose my science scholarship and everything.
+It's not that, it's just that...  It I get caught, I'll lose my science scholarship and everything.	You're talking to the prom queen, Eva. Do you really think I'm going to risk getting caught?
+You're talking to the prom queen, Eva. Do you really think I'm going to risk getting caught?	I guess not.
+I guess not.	Do you realize how many people would kill to be sitting here right now? Come on, it's grad night. You've got your whole life to be uptight.
+A real space cadet. I wonder if she'll narc on us...	I have her in Creative Writing and she's fairly nice.
+I have her in Creative Writing and she's fairly nice.	Nobody related to McCulloch can be nice.
+What are you going to do?	Relax, I've got McCulloch covered... but that little narcing bitch niece of his is a different matter.  Rumor has it she's a teensy bit afraid of the water...
+That was truly excellent.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Time to check out the waiters.
+Time to check out the waiters.	I think I'll pass. See you later, okay?
+I think I'll pass. See you later, okay?	But...wait a minute!
+Well...how do you feel?	Ask me in about five minutes.
+What's wrong?	Nothing.
+What murders?	Never mind, you don't want to know about it.
+Never mind, you don't want to know about it.	Tell me.
+Tell me.	There's nothing to worry about, Suzy. The guy's dead now, somewhere at the bottom of this lake...if you believe the stories.  Let's drop it, okay?
+Right.	I mean, Lakeview High just closed its doors for good, right?
+I mean, Lakeview High just closed its doors for good, right?	Right.
+Right.	So there's no reason for him to come back because there won't be any of us around...right?
+Did you hear that?	Hear what?
+All right, all right -- I'm a major ass.	And you'll never do it again.
+And you'll never do it again.	And I'll never do it again. Forgive me?
+And I'll never do it again. Forgive me?	No.
+Which cabin is Rennie in, Mr. McCulloch?	Rennie's not coming.
+But I thought...	She changed her mind.  Let's see...Mr. Wolfe is in stateroom one-eleven and you, Mr. Robertson, are in two-twenty-five.
+Where's the radio?	It's...dead.
+Christ...where's Rennie??	She's...she's dropping the anchors. I thought the Coast Guard could find us easier if...
+She's...she's dropping the anchors. I thought the Coast Guard could find us easier if...	What?? You sent her out there with a murderer running around loose??
+What's that?	The fire alarm...
+She never should've set foot on this ship. This is your fault!	This is Jason's fault!
+This is Jason's fault!	Not another word, do you hear me??
+Dear Christ...	We have to get off this ship!!
+Jason's here in New York.	Don't be ridiculous!
+All right. But if it mysteriously disappears en route, I'll have you sent back home the minute we dock. Understood?	Perfectly.
+What are you doing in here?	Nothing.
+I'11 be coming around your stateroom in exactly fifteen minutes, Miss Mason. You'd better have your biology project ready or I'm phoning your parents.	They're out of town.
+They're out of town.	Then I'll make sure you remain on board while your classmates see the sights.
+Where did you get that alcohol?	I packed it. Just for us.
+That's it. You're not setting foot off this ship until we return home.	But I haven't even shown you my biology project...
+Hello, Charles. Has everyone checked in?	Jim Miller and Suzy Donaldson never showed up. I'm a little concerned.
+Jim Miller and Suzy Donaldson never showed up. I'm a little concerned.	Don't be. They probably decided to explore each other rather than New York.
+Let's go -- we're running two minutes late.	Charles, there's someone else coming along too.
+You have no right...	And neither do you. It's up to Rennie to decide what she wants to do.
+And neither do you. It's up to Rennie to decide what she wants to do.	She doesn't know what she wants. She's never had a stable life.
+She doesn't know what she wants. She's never had a stable life.	And she sure doesn't have one now, either. She needs to live.
+And she sure doesn't have one now, either. She needs to live.	I'm her legal guardian, not you or anybody else, and I alone know what's best for her. End of discussion.
+I'm her legal guardian, not you or anybody else, and I alone know what's best for her. End of discussion.	No, I think it's just the beginning.
+She's fine, Charles. Take it easy...	Oh, I can see that. You've done a wonderful job of supervising the kids, Miss Van Deusen.
+I thought I told you to stay away from her.	Where is she?
+I demand to know what is going on...	Oh dear God...
+What are you doing??	That lunatic has been spouting off about Jason since we boarded...  It's no coincidence.
+That lunatic has been spouting off about Jason since we boarded...  It's no coincidence.	But that doesn't prove that he's the one!
+But that doesn't prove that he's the one!	Walking corpses are not real!
+Did you find Rennie?	She's locked safe in her room, no thanks to either of you.  Has he brought it back on course yet?
+He's doing the best he can, Charles.	He's the son of the Captain, for Chrissakes. You'd think he'd be able to operate this thing!
+I doubt very much that one even exists.	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	Use some common sense! Setting off a fire alarm causes panic...the same kind of panic caused by suggesting Jason Voorhees is on board.  Enough is enough.
+What did you do with Rennie??	Nothing! I went to her cabin and...
+There must be a phone around here somewhere.	A wonderful choice of places to dock a boat, Mr. Robertson.
+Everyone split up -- we'll cover more ground that way.	I don't think that's such a safe idea
+I don't think that's such a safe idea	My niece's life hangs in the balance right now!! Every second counts.
+What a beautiful day.	Perfect for a swim, isn't it?
+You've been coming out here every summer for the last three years, young lady, and you still haven't learned how.	I'll take some lessons this time. I promise.
+He never learned how either and he's still at the bottom of this lake.	He is not.
+He is not.	Oh, he is indeed. And ready to pull down anybody who falls in and can't swim.
+Oh, he is indeed. And ready to pull down anybody who falls in and can't swim.	You're telling a lie.
+You're telling a lie.	Am I? Let's find out.
+I...I can't...	You can and you will! Swim, Rennie!
+You're making a big mistake, Rennie. It's not too late to put you back on land.	I'm staying.
+I'm staying.	If Miss Van Deusen knew how afraid you were of...
+If Miss Van Deusen knew how afraid you were of...	She didn't push me into coming.
+She didn't push me into coming.	Why are you doing this to yourself?
+Why are you doing this to yourself?	I don't even know why I'm afraid, Uncle Charles. I can't even remember when it started. Don't you think it's time I found out and got over it?
+Facing your fear doesn't always conquer it.	I'm staying.
+You had me worried to death!	But Sean said...
+But Sean said...	I'm the one you should be listening to! Do you think dropping an anchor in the middle of a storm makes any sense whatsoever?
+Can't we at least talk about it?	I refuse to discuss this ridiculous notion that a ghoul is terrorizing this ship.
+I refuse to discuss this ridiculous notion that a ghoul is terrorizing this ship.	But what about the drowning boy I've been seeing?
+Whatever you've been...imagining... has nothing to do with Jason Voorhees.  I want you to be safe, Rennie. That's all I care about.	I'm not staying in my room, Uncle Charles.
+I'm not staying in my room, Uncle Charles.	This isn't a request.
+Get in the boat, Rennie!	I...I can't...
+I...I can't...	You can and you will!!
+You pushed me...	I was only trying to teach you. But I pulled you out, Rennie. I saved your life.
+I'm glad you decided to come after all.	Me too. But I'm not sure Uncle Charles will be.
+Me too. But I'm not sure Uncle Charles will be.	You let me worry about him, okay?  Personal experiences are what fuel the minds of great writers, Rennie. You made the right decision.
+You let me worry about him, okay?  Personal experiences are what fuel the minds of great writers, Rennie. You made the right decision.	What about not-so-great writers?
+Everything okay?	Just felt a little chill.
+Did you know that I'm giving up teaching?	Really?
+Really?	Since the school is closing anyway, I'm going to write that novel I've been threatening on everybody.
+Since the school is closing anyway, I'm going to write that novel I've been threatening on everybody.	That's wonderful, Miss Van Deusen...what's it about?
+Stephen King supposedly used it when he was in high school.	I don't know what to say...
+I don't know what to say...	Rennie, you're the best student I ever had...you have a real gift. If anybody can make use of that pen, it's you.
+Rennie -- I was just on my way over to your room	Have you seen my dog anywhere?
+Have you seen my dog anywhere?	No, but I'm sure Toby's fine. The ship's only so big and there's certainly no way off it, is there?
+So, are you having fun yet?	Yeah...a lot.
+Yeah...a lot.	I seem to detect a hint of ingenuousness in your tone.  In other words, level with me.
+I seem to detect a hint of ingenuousness in your tone.  In other words, level with me.	There's something I haven't told you...
+I can't swim.	I gathered that.
+I had a skiing accident in high school, broke my left leg. It took three winters before I would even look at the snow again...but the solution kept eluding me.  I finally took lessons. I've never broken a bone since.	It's not that simple.
+It's not that simple.	Maybe not. But you're not telling me everything, are you?
+Maybe not. But you're not telling me everything, are you?	Whenever I get near the water, I see this young boy drowning. He tries to pull me down with him.
+When did this start?	About four years ago...at Crystal Lake. I spent a few summers there with Uncle Charles inbetween boarding school.
+About four years ago...at Crystal Lake. I spent a few summers there with Uncle Charles inbetween boarding school.	After your parents passed away?
+Did you have an accident in the lake?	No. It was just a normal summer. I've never been able to figure it out.
+No. It was just a normal summer. I've never been able to figure it out.	Only one young boy ever drowned in that lake, and that was before you were even born. His name was Jason Voorhees.
+The Captain and Chief Engineer... they've been...they're dead.	What is your location?
+What is your location?	I...I don't know...
+I...I don't know...	Is your ship equipped with Omega satellite navigation or LORAN?
+Is your ship equipped with Omega satellite navigation or LORAN?	Yes...
+Yes...	The LORAN has a digital printout of your latitude and longitude. Give me the coordinates and we'll be there as quick as we can.
+I've got the numbers.	Give me the degrees first, followed by minutes and sec...
+Rennie...	Hi, Sean.
+Hi, Sean.	I heard you weren't coming.
+I heard you weren't coming.	We changed our minds.
+I got you a present.	But I didn't get you one...
+But I didn't get you one...	Forget it. It's a dumb little thing anyway.
+I thought maybe we could hike to the top of the Statue when we got there, if you felt like it. It's supposed to be 22 stories tall.	I'd love to.
+It's okay...you're going to be okay.	I want to go home. I want off this ship.
+Can he really take us home?	Not completing a voyage is against everything he stands for. But I think I can convince him to call a Coast Guard cutter for you.
+Not completing a voyage is against everything he stands for. But I think I can convince him to call a Coast Guard cutter for you.	What about you?
+What about you?	If I go with you, he'll never speak to me again.  But I'm never going to live up to his expectations anyway...so maybe it's the right thing to do.
+I don't know...we've gone off course or something...	What do you mean???
+I think so. But we have to lower the anchors so we don't drift any further...	Where are they?
+Where are they?	The bow...front of the ship. There's a hoist on each side that lowers them
+I didn't mean for you to go!	Just radio for help, okay???
+Rennie...??	The window...
+Rule one, don't panic. Rule two, assess the damage and act accordingly...	Is the ship going to sink??
+We'll be okay. I want you to wait by the lifeboats, just in case.	I'm not going near any lifeboat!
+I'm not going near any lifeboat!	But Rennie...
+But Rennie...	I'm not!!
+Rennie...what'd they do to you??	Drugs...  Then Jason came. He's here, Sean.
+You have to call the police...	Please, hurry...
+I used to drive a taxi.	Where you're going, mister?
+I used to be head of neurosurgery. Big hospital in USSR. This hospital, I'm not kidding.	Very big.
+Very big.	I opened thousands of brains.
+I opened thousands of brains.	What did you find?
+What did you find?	Big mess every time.
+Big mess every time.	I loved my taxi. Went twelve hours nonstop. Stopped only to pee. I peed under the Manhattan bridge. Peed many times in parks and playgrounds.
+I wrapped my sandwiches in tinfoil. I ate and drove. I had one of those big checkered cabs.	You are going where?
+You are going where?	Crosstown.
+Crosstown.	Very bad today.
+We must abandon.	What do you mean, we must abandon?
+What do you mean, we must abandon?	Ruptured steam pipe.
+We must abandon.	Contaminated substance. Very dangerous. Shooting mud.
+Contaminated substance. Very dangerous. Shooting mud.	Do not inhale.
+I never left the garage without my Windex.	I was barrister in Kenya. I said to him, get off from here. I cannot drive with your body on my windscreen.
+I was barrister in Kenya. I said to him, get off from here. I cannot drive with your body on my windscreen.	I drove twelve hours straight through. Ate at the wheel.
+Under the Manhattan Bridge.	That's where I peed.
+Guys ready to order?	Paisley Porter. I didn't know you were waiting tables.
+Paisley Porter. I didn't know you were waiting tables.	Elliot?
+Elliot?	This is a great young out-of-work actress.
+This is a great young out-of-work actress.	Elliot Litvak. Have you been ill? And Mr. Rogan. How nice.
+Say it again.	Alla puttanesca.
+Alla puttanesca.	Isn't she great? What did I tell you? A talent.
+Nicky. I was thinking about you. I went to the preview last night.	I don't want to hear about it.
+A lovely piece of theater. Small but important.	Shut up, Elliot.
+Shut up, Elliot.	Quietly effective.
+You're an artist. I'm a craftsman.	Press a button and they give us money.
+Press a button and they give us money.	Ride with me. We need a haircut.
+How is Lillian? I haven't seen her.	She wants a divorce.
+She wants a divorce.	Don't talk like that.
+Don't talk like that.	It's over, finished and done with.
+It's over, finished and done with.	That sounds so final. But are we really surprised?
+That sounds so final. But are we really surprised?	I'm completely stunned. I don't want this to happen.
+I'm completely stunned. I don't want this to happen.	But didn't we know it would happen?
+But didn't we know it would happen?	Don't needle me, Elliot. Tell me how bad you feel. We're suppose to feel bad together. This is what friends do.
+Don't needle me, Elliot. Tell me how bad you feel. We're suppose to feel bad together. This is what friends do.	Joanna Bourne. So rich and crisp. This woman lets you touch her body? You put your hands on her personal parts?
+Very dangerous.	Asbestos lining.
+Asbestos lining.	We must abandon.
+We must abandon.	Do not inhale.
+I'm trying to think. When did you start looking so terrible? You look awful.	I can tell you the year, the day, the night, the minute.
+I can tell you the year, the day, the night, the minute.	You used to love life. You don't exude this any more.
+You used to love life. You don't exude this any more.	What do I exude?
+What do I exude?	Suffering. You exude a person who sits in a small dark apartment eating soft white bread.
+Suffering. You exude a person who sits in a small dark apartment eating soft white bread.	Tonight you find out what it means to suffer.
+Tonight you find out what it means to suffer.	Tonight. What's tonight?
+Tonight. What's tonight?	Shit. They don't have any carrot soup.
+Shit. They don't have any carrot soup.	You mean because What's-His-Name.
+You mean because What's-His-Name.	You will suffer because he is in the theater. And you will suffer a thousandfold when his review appears.
+You will suffer because he is in the theater. And you will suffer a thousandfold when his review appears.	It's just a review.
+It's just a review.	It is just a review. Do not inhale. Very dangerous.
+It is just a review. Do not inhale. Very dangerous.	What's the fuss? I don't get it.
+What's the fuss? I don't get it.	That's what I said eighteen months ago.
+That's what I said eighteen months ago.	What happened eighteen months ago?
+What happened eighteen months ago?	Before his Broadway days. He reviewed the one-act I did at the Fulton Fish Market. We did this play at four AM, outdoors in the rain. One performance. For the fish handlers.
+Before his Broadway days. He reviewed the one-act I did at the Fulton Fish Market. We did this play at four AM, outdoors in the rain. One performance. For the fish handlers.	And he was there?
+And he was there?	Steven Schwimmer. I memorized every word of this review.
+Steven Schwimmer. I memorized every word of this review.	That's awful.
+That's awful.	I recite it to myself with masochistic relish.
+I recite it to myself with masochistic relish.	A year and a half later? You're still brooding?
+Do you want me to tell you what it was like, reading that review at the newstand with trucks rumbling past and street vendors facing Mecca?	What was it like?
+What was it like?	I said, `I'm dead'. He killed me.
+Is it safe?	Do we care?
+Do we care?	I think we Nought to wait.
+I think we Nought to wait.	I say we go.
+I say we go.	You say we go?
+You say we go?	Do not inhale.
+Do not inhale.	I'm not ready.
+I'm not ready.	Here we go.
+The man has taken over my mind. He's not only out there. He's in my head and I can't get rid of him. I can't write a word without imagining his response. I'm paralyzed as an artist.	I don't have the problems that artists have.
+Where are you going?	Don't wait Efor me.
+Don't wait Efor me.	What about the haircut?
+He carries a gun.	Then you should carry a gun.
+I used to carry a gun when I drove a cab.	Where is it?
+Where is it?	I gave it away. I thought, I'm a writer now.
+I gave it away. I thought, I'm a writer now.	That was a big mistake.
+We're making too much of this.	No, we're not.
+No, we're not.	I'm not a lonely spooky writer like you. Nursing a hundred grudges. I'm a man who loves life.
+I'm not a lonely spooky writer like you. Nursing a hundred grudges. I'm a man who loves life.	We're talking about something deeper than grudges. How do we respond to personal attack?
+In other words why should we suffer silently at this kind of abuse? The man is out there ruining lives.	It's your best play, Nicky.
+It's your best play, Nicky.	He'll hate it.
+He'll hate it.	He'll kill it. He'll write a review so devastating it will shatter your career and cause the most unmanageable psychic grief. What happens to your apartment on the East River? Your house in Connecticut, where you watch things grow.
+We were thinking of putting in a pool.	`The most interesting thing about Elliot Litvak is that he writes the way he looks -- fuzzy, grubby and shifty-eyed.'  I'm telling you as a friend.
+`The most interesting thing about Elliot Litvak is that he writes the way he looks -- fuzzy, grubby and shifty-eyed.'  I'm telling you as a friend.	What?
+What?	There are things that speak to us from the past.
+Shoot him.	The American theater doesn't need people like that.
+The American theater doesn't need people like that.	Shoot him, Nicky. Not that we really mean it. But where does he live?
+Shoot him, Nicky. Not that we really mean it. But where does he live?	Keep going west. Last building before the river.
+Keep going west. Last building before the river.	How do you Eknow.
+How do you Eknow.	Paisley Porter.
+Paisley Porter.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	About an hour and a half ago. I saw her come out of a place. She said she was visiting a friend. But she wouldn't tell me who.
+About an hour and a half ago. I saw her come out of a place. She said she was visiting a friend. But she wouldn't tell me who.	Had to be him.
+Had to be him.	She was very evasive.
+Great game.	Unbelievable.
+Unbelievable.	Classic.
+I think you're a little confused. Nothing personal friend.	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	What are we talking about?
+What are we talking about?	Yes. What are you implying?
+Of course I saw it.	Did you see the winning run score?
+Did you see the winning run score?	You're not making sense. Make sense.
+This could be it.	This could be it.
+This could be it.	Let's work on it.
+Let's work on it.	Let's work on it.
+This could Pbe it.	This could be it.
+This could be it.	This could be it.
+This could be it.	This could be it.
+This could be it.	This could be it.
+This could be it.	Does it feel comfortable?
+Does it feel comfortable?	Does what feel comfortable?
+Does what feel comfortable?	This could be it.
+This could be it.	This could be it.
+Last night. Alan Albright called me a handsome woman. Second time he's done that. Son of a bitch.	I hear Alan's sick.
+I hear Alan's sick.	Alan's very sick. He has to go to New Mexico and sit in a lukewarm solution.
+Alan's very sick. He has to go to New Mexico and sit in a lukewarm solution.	You know about Adele.
+You know about Adele.	What about her?
+What about her?	She's dying.
+She's dying.	She died.
+She died.	I talked to her two days ago.
+I talked to her two days ago.	Apparently it didn't help. You know about Peter, of course.
+Apparently it didn't help. You know about Peter, of course.	Our Peter?
+Our Peter?	Peter Redmond. They found out why he can't remember his lines. There's something living in his brain. A parasite he picked up in Borneo, doing the movie.
+Peter Redmond. They found out why he can't remember his lines. There's something living in his brain. A parasite he picked up in Borneo, doing the movie.	Can he get through it?
+Can he get through it?	They're watching him closely. There's a special rehearsal set for this afternoon. To bolster his confidence. And that's not all.
+They're watching him closely. There's a special rehearsal set for this afternoon. To bolster his confidence. And that's not all.	I've got bigger problems, Joanna. Personal problems.
+I've got bigger problems, Joanna. Personal problems.	That's not all, Nicky. I've been backing your plays for fifteen years. And I've never been more depressed.
+That's not all, Nicky. I've been backing your plays for fifteen years. And I've never been more depressed.	About what?
+About what?	Steven Schwimmer. The most powerful critic in America gets his first crack at Nicky Rogan.
+Steven Schwimmer. The most powerful critic in America gets his first crack at Nicky Rogan.	Look. All I want is a haircut. I'm not worried about this guy.
+Look. All I want is a haircut. I'm not worried about this guy.	Ever since he started reviewing the Broadway theater, nobody in this business has been worried about anything else.
+Ever since he started reviewing the Broadway theater, nobody in this business has been worried about anything else.	They can send their heartless brilliant boy-critic. There's a much bigger thing going on than tonight's opening.
+They can send their heartless brilliant boy-critic. There's a much bigger thing going on than tonight's opening.	What?
+What?	The Red Sox
+The Red Sox	You mean the World Series? I thought the Red Sox were winning.
+You mean the World Series? I thought the Red Sox were winning.	Three games to two. But if you know their history, you realize there's a tragedy in the making. I've been carrying this franchise on my back since I was six years old.
+Three games to two. But if you know their history, you realize there's a tragedy in the making. I've been carrying this franchise on my back since I was six years old.	It can't be all that personal.
+I'm proud of this play. It's so different from anything you've done.	This is how we've managed to last.
+This is how we've managed to last.	We're able to surprise each other.
+We're able to surprise each other.	In and out of bed.
+In and out of bed.	Because we're completely mismatched.
+Because we're completely mismatched.	We don't even like each other, do we?
+I used to tell myself. Talent is more erotic when it's wasted. Will I see you tonight?	The Red Sox blow a chance to win their first World Series since 1918. You expect me to miss that for an opening night?
+It makes me so mad. Steven Schwimmer ready to strike. The exterminating angel.	It's all worked out. They'll lose tonight. Then they'll lose tomorrow. I see it with stunning clarity.
+It's all worked out. They'll lose tonight. Then they'll lose tomorrow. I see it with stunning clarity.	It's your best play, Nicky.
+It's your best play, Nicky.	They'll lose because they're my team.
+They'll lose because they're my team.	He will absolutely hate it.
+I never see you anymore. Where are you all day?	I go to college. I thought you knew.
+I go to college. I thought you knew.	Do you want to get some coffee?
+Do you want to get some coffee?	I don't drink coffee, Daddy. And this is not what we should be talking about.
+I don't drink coffee, Daddy. And this is not what we should be talking about.	What do you want to talk about? I'll talk about anything. What's this?
+I'm seeing your play tonight, remember?	Why do you need a radio?
+Why do you need a radio?	So at the intermission I can listen to the ball game. Do you know that mother is seeing a prominent divorce lawyer?
+So at the intermission I can listen to the ball game. Do you know that mother is seeing a prominent divorce lawyer?	That's completely crazy.
+That's completely crazy.	Is it?
+Is it?	Don't talk like that. How prominent? What are you implying?
+Don't talk like that. How prominent? What are you implying?	She's doing like those Iranians. `I divorce thee. I divorce thee. I divorce thee'
+She's doing like those Iranians. `I divorce thee. I divorce thee. I divorce thee'	And he hears it the same time I hear it? What happened to family secrets?
+If lawyers for the mob are called controversial, why are divorce lawyers called prominent?	Because they get outstanding settlements. And Mother is determined that this time there's no turning back.
+Because they get outstanding settlements. And Mother is determined that this time there's no turning back.	I just had breakfast with her. She didn't say a word about this.
+Because you refuse to believe she's serious. You've always refused.	Don't be so steely-eyed. It's that course you're taking in criminology.
+Don't be so steely-eyed. It's that course you're taking in criminology.	Oh please. Not now.  She wants you to stop seeing What's- Her-Name. Finally. Now and forever. Do you think that's too much to ask? For a wife of nineteen years.
+Oh please. Not now.  She wants you to stop seeing What's- Her-Name. Finally. Now and forever. Do you think that's too much to ask? For a wife of nineteen years.	You're too young to be studying criminal behavior. It's making you obsessive.
+You're too young to be studying criminal behavior. It's making you obsessive.	She is kicking you out.
+She is kicking you out.	Your mother and I have something between us that's too strong to damage permanently. Believe me, I know this. That's right, nineteen years. And what about the days and minutes? Sharing small moments, sharing memories, raising a beautiful child. We're wedded in the deepest and strongest ways. Lillian isn't only my wife. She's my best friend.
+Mother won't tell me how long you've been seeing this person. She's embarrassed to tell me. So why don't you tell me?	Don't call her Mother all the time. It makes her sound tragic and unforgiving. What happened to Mom?
+Don't call her Mother all the time. It makes her sound tragic and unforgiving. What happened to Mom?	I didn't turn her into Mother. You did.
+I didn't turn her into Mother. You did.	This person and I are a thing of the total past. I promise you.
+Laurel. Tickets are all set. I double-checked.	Thanks, Daddy. But I just need one. Mother's not going.
+Thanks, Daddy. But I just need one. Mother's not going.	Opening night?
+Opening night?	I know -- why should a bitter divorce interfere with tradition?
+Rogan, Laurel. You also have a Rogan, Lillian. She won't need it. Sell it.	Take it yourself. Take a date.
+Take it yourself. Take a date.	I don't have a date. I don't want a date.
+And you blame me. It's because we never talk. Let's talk.	I have a class. I'm late.
+I have a class. I'm late.	Can we talk later? Will you be at the party?
+Can we talk later? Will you be at the party?	I'm not sure.
+Look. I'm sorry you keep running into dishonest men. But you're only eighteen. We can still turn it around.	Except I won't have a father anymore.
+Except I won't have a father anymore.	I'll see you all the time. I'll get a place right nearby. One room. No distractions. We'll talk.
+What will we talk about?	Everything.
+Will I believe you when you tell me something?	There's nothing left for me to lie about.
+I see the outline of your body in chalk on this very floor.	Daddy, wait.
+Why won't you tell me your name?	It's only our first date.
+I'm willing to tell you my name.	Names are incredibly intimate. We barely know each other. Trust me on this.
+You have to tell me what you thought of the play.	First you tell me.
+First you tell me.	Brilliantly moving.
+What else?	Packs an emotional wallop.
+Packs an emotional wallop.	What else?
+What else?	A flat-out hit.
+If you're wondering about the firearm.	Yes.
+Yes.	This building is not secure.
+I have this thing where I have to know a person is being honest with me before, you know, I can feel completely free to be myself.	We're strangers in the night. The last thing we want is honesty.
+We're strangers in the night. The last thing we want is honesty.	What do we want?
+What do we want?	Mystery. Deception.
+Mystery. Deception.	Deception isn't something I personally consider sexy.
+Deception isn't something I personally consider sexy.	What's sexy?
+What's sexy?	Knowing who a person is. Down deep.
+Knowing who a person is. Down deep.	Even if the truth about a person is sad or depressing or shocking?
+Even if the truth about a person is sad or depressing or shocking?	You won't even tell me your name. What's shocking about a name?
+Am I really so deeply repugnant?	Yes.
+Yes. And no more evasive tactics.	It's your best play, Nicky.
+It's your best play, Nicky.	See, Daddy.
+See, Daddy.	I've seen it twice. I went back tonight to be sure. It's a brave and honest piece of work.
+I've seen it twice. I went back tonight to be sure. It's a brave and honest piece of work.	What else?
+What else?	An artistry and sensitivity you've never shown before.
+See, Daddy.	And Peter Redmond helped immensely. These pauses were exquisitely timed. He made us wait and wait. He built a gorgeous tension and suspense.
+Your father said you might be here.	Two-all after six.
+Two-all after six.	I've been looking for you because I want to let you know what's been going on before you read about it in a gossip column.
+I've been looking for you because I want to let you know what's been going on before you read about it in a gossip column.	We stranded five runners in the first two innings. This will come back to haunt us.
+We stranded five runners in the first two innings. This will come back to haunt us.	I want to be fair-minded, Nicky.
+I want to be fair-minded, Nicky.	All right. What's been going on?
+All right. What's been going on?	I've been talking to a prominent divorce lawyer.
+I've been talking to a prominent divorce lawyer.	How prominent?
+How prominent?	He has his own submarine. I'll be getting everything that matters. I'll get New York and I'll get Connecticut.
+I'll have whatever she's having.	I don't want to be responsible for his food. Just a small green salad. And a Perrier.
+I don't want to be responsible for his food. Just a small green salad. And a Perrier.	Bring me the bay scallops with mercury poisoning.
+Opening night, Lillian.	Who the hell cares?
+Who the hell cares?	The whole thing is my fault. I took unfair advantage of your patience and understanding. You understand me.
+The whole thing is my fault. I took unfair advantage of your patience and understanding. You understand me.	That's always been my problem.
+That's always been my problem.	And you've been extremely patient.
+And you've been extremely patient.	You know why, don't you? Because I am patient, chain-smoking Lillian.
+You know why, don't you? Because I am patient, chain-smoking Lillian.	You smoked because I smoked. We were falling in love, remember? I used to see certain movies only because you had seen them. I wanted to see what you saw.
+You smoked because I smoked. We were falling in love, remember? I used to see certain movies only because you had seen them. I wanted to see what you saw.	I'd forgotten that.
+I'd forgotten that.	I went because you went. You smoked because I smoked.
+I went because you went. You smoked because I smoked.	That's very lovely actually.
+That's very lovely actually.	Laurel wants us to be honest and open. Let's be open with each other.
+Laurel wants us to be honest and open. Let's be open with each other.	Be open with me. I'd like that.
+Be open with me. I'd like that.	There may be things you'd rather not know about.
+There may be things you'd rather not know about.	I want to know. We haven't talked this way in years.
+I want to know. We haven't talked this way in years.	I had an affair -- are you sure you want to hear this?
+I had an affair -- are you sure you want to hear this?	Joanne Bourne.
+Joanne Bourne.	Alma Wetzel.
+Alma Wetzel.	Nicky, no. This is insupportable. How could you?
+Nicky, no. This is insupportable. How could you?	I'm a man. She's, you know, a woman.
+I'm a man. She's, you know, a woman.	She's my gynecologist.
+I am really, deeply sorry.	It violates so many trusts.
+It violates so many trusts.	It was an animal thing. No real intimacy.
+It was an animal thing. No real intimacy.	I never thought of Dr. Wetzel as having a sex life outside the office.
+I never thought of Dr. Wetzel as having a sex life outside the office.	We did it in the office. She thought her apartment was too impersonal.
+We did it in the office. She thought her apartment was too impersonal.	I'm glad we're having this talk.
+I'm glad we're having this talk.	I feel great. I feel impeccably alive. I'm elated. Eat something. Please. I love you.
+What happens if somebody comes in here right now and shoots you?	This place becomes famous. Tour buses. Blind people feeling around for bullet holes in the wall.
+What's it like to shoot somebody?	I respect a kid who does his homework in a taxi. But let's put a lid on the questions.
+Great game. Red Sox are winning.	They're always winning. Until they lose.
+Life is good.	Life is good.
+People are dependable.	I don't know if I can say that.
+All the failures, all the fatalism.	Washed away.
+Washed away.	One more out.
+It's Stanley. It's the Steamer. Fate has spoken to this man in the depths of the night.	What did it say?
+What did it say?	A thousand things.
+A thousand things.	You're hurting my head.
+This could be it!	This could be it!
+Life is true.	Life is real.
+Who is it?	I'm at the door.
+I'm at the door.	Go way. I'll call a cop.
+Go way. I'll call a cop.	Pop, will you let me in?
+Pop, will you let me in?	Where the hell are you?
+Where the hell are you?	Right here. At the door.
+What do you want?	It's me. Nicky.
+It's me. Nicky.	Nicky comes on Sunday's.
+Nicky comes on Sunday's.	Where are your glasses? Go get them.
+Where are your glasses? Go get them.	If it's you, what are you doing here?
+If it's you, what are you doing here?	I'm on my way to get a haircut.
+I'm on my way to get a haircut.	Where does Nicky get his hair cut?
+Across Ninth Avenue. Dodgie's. Where you've been getting your hair cut for fifty years. Where Uncle Billy and Uncle Marty got their hair cut. Where Jim Rorty shot a man for cheating at poker.	It was rummy, not poker. But I'll take a chance and let you in.
+It's a constant shock to me, how small this place is. How did we do it? Five people in these little rooms.	Get yourself something to eat.
+We must have been heroic.	Five's not so many. There were families with seven kids. A grandmother. A dimwit uncle.
+Five's not so many. There were families with seven kids. A grandmother. A dimwit uncle.	Lillian says it once a week. `Why doesn't he come live with us?'
+Lillian says it once a week. `Why doesn't he come live with us?'	You know the answer to that.
+You know the answer to that.	I do know the answer to that. Why don't we watch the ball game later? We'll go to Mannion's.
+I do know the answer to that. Why don't we watch the ball game later? We'll go to Mannion's.	They're only gonna lose.
+They're only gonna lose.	Of course they're gonna lose. We'll watch them lose. What good is heartbreak if we don't experience it firsthand?
+Of course they're gonna lose. We'll watch them lose. What good is heartbreak if we don't experience it firsthand?	The Red Sox are your problem. I never understood about you and the Red Sox. Everybody rooted for the Yankees.
+Remember 1949? Last two games of the season. Against the Yankees. The Sox lost on Saturday. Then they lost on Sunday. First I cried for twenty-four hours. Then I had fist- fights the rest of the week.	It's one thing for kids. You get older, you Nhave other things.
+It's one thing for kids. You get older, you Nhave other things.	It's all connected, Pop. It's one life. Baseball is memory. How do fathers and sons show their love? They go to a ball game together. Thirty-five years later, they sit in the kitchen and remember.
+It's all connected, Pop. It's one life. Baseball is memory. How do fathers and sons show their love? They go to a ball game together. Thirty-five years later, they sit in the kitchen and remember.	But the son is suppose to stop crying.
+But the son is suppose to stop crying.	I could have grown up happy. A Yankee fan. A divorce lawyer.
+You'll need these. Tonight. For the play.	Don't make me sit through one of your plays.
+Don't make me sit through one of your plays.	Hey, Pop. I know you don't like the commotion of opening night. But I especially want you to see this play. It's new territory for me. And for you too. I have to know what you think.
+Hey, Pop. I know you don't like the commotion of opening night. But I especially want you to see this play. It's new territory for me. And for you too. I have to know what you think.	Since when did that matter?
+Since when did that matter?	Let's not start that again.
+Let's not start that again.	My back is killing me.
+My back is killing me.	Where's your elastic brace?
+Where's your elastic brace?	I can't find it.
+I can't find it.	You're suppose to wear it when your back gives you trouble.
+You're suppose to wear it when your back gives you trouble.	I lost it. I lose everything.
+I lost it. I lose everything.	I'll go get you another one. You have to wear it.
+`Why doesn't he come live with us?' Because everything is here.	I know, Pop.
+I know, Pop.	I'm lucky they don't knock down the building. It could happen anytime. And everything worth remembering is right here.
+I'm lucky they don't knock down the building. It could happen anytime. And everything worth remembering is right here.	I think the building's okay. At least for the time being.
+I think the building's okay. At least for the time being.	You didn't think it was okay when you lived here. You wanted to get out so fast I thought you were running a marathon.
+You didn't think it was okay when you lived here. You wanted to get out so fast I thought you were running a marathon.	Normal boy's ambition. I like coming back. You know that.
+Normal boy's ambition. I like coming back. You know that.	You tell your friends your father used to work the docks. Callused hands. But you had an attitude when you were growing up that wasn't easy for your mother and me to understand.
+I was in a hurry to do big things, make big mistakes. Any mistakes were okay as long as it was big. But I'm trying to see these things clearly and honestly. That's the play they're going to kill starting tonight. There's a guy out there getting ready to rip it apart. And that's us. Who we were and where we come from.	So what are you going to do about it?
+So what are you going to do about it?	What do you want me to do?
+What do you want me to do?	Show him who we are.
+I'm looking at you trying to think. Put your face in the mirror. I know I recognize you from somewhere.	Everybody else does. Why not you?
+Everybody else does. Why not you?	You're Frankie Lazzaro. The gangster from Rhode Island.
+You're Frankie Lazzaro. The gangster from Rhode Island.	Oh yeah?
+Oh yeah?	Matthew, look at him. When I lived in Roxbury, the media followed this man everywhere. He was bigger than ten movie stars.  Where's your white Lincoln limo?
+Some little kid stole the hubcaps.	The most charming gangster in New England. Where are we going, Mr. Lazzaro?
+The most charming gangster in New England. Where are we going, Mr. Lazzaro?	Call me Frankie. And it looks like we're going nowhere.
+Call me Frankie. And it looks like we're going nowhere.	Might be an accident on the West Side Highway.
+Might be an accident on the West Side Highway.	How come you got the kid with you?
+How come you got the kid with you?	Matthew's my grandson.
+Matthew's my grandson.	A grandmother. God bless you.
+A grandmother. God bless you.	He does bless me, each and every day. Matthew's mother works a hospital shift, so I pick him up at school. We stop for a meal usually around this time. He does his homework and gets some experience meeting people. But we never had a famous mobster before.
+He does bless me, each and every day. Matthew's mother works a hospital shift, so I pick him up at school. We stop for a meal usually around this time. He does his homework and gets some experience meeting people. But we never had a famous mobster before.	It's the kid's lucky day.
+It's the kid's lucky day.	This is one charming crook. If shooting people is charming.
+This is one charming crook. If shooting people is charming.	Now that's a complicated subject.
+Now that's a complicated subject.	That's a simple subject.
+That's a simple subject.	Look, we're stuck here front and back. It's dinnertime for you, game time for me. Let's park the cab and go to Mannion's. What do you say, Matthew? We'll drink beer and talk baseball.
+You see what you're doing, don't you?	What am I doing?
+What am I doing?	You're charming the boy.
+You're charming the boy.	Hey, Toyota. He asked me a question.
+Hey, Toyota. He asked me a question.	Frankie Lazzaro. Coming down the courthouse steps every day in the media. Children see this. They think you're the Secretary of the Treasury.
+Frankie Lazzaro. Coming down the courthouse steps every day in the media. Children see this. They think you're the Secretary of the Treasury.	That's my cousin, Angelo.
+Go on, tell him. Tell the truth. Tell him how you feel, shooting a piece of hot metal in somebody's flesh who was once a child, who was once the same age as this boy. Somebody's flesh who was innocent once.	It's complicated. It's a whole life. A person doesn't commit an act of violence out of nowhere. There are strong forces at work.
+You're a family man, Frankie?	Wife and daughter. My father's still alive. He outlives me, starting tonight. Because the Mets just tied the score. It was only a matter of time, wasn't it?
+Wife and daughter. My father's still alive. He outlives me, starting tonight. Because the Mets just tied the score. It was only a matter of time, wasn't it?	An how many years does it take a person to make his family safe and secure and happy, and then in one dumb moment, what does he do?
+An how many years does it take a person to make his family safe and secure and happy, and then in one dumb moment, what does he do?	I don't know Toyota. What does he do?
+I don't know Toyota. What does he do?	And the people he hurts the most are the people who love him. Despite who he is and what he does for a living. We're always saying we want to take control of our lives. You don't want to take control. You want to lose control. Jesus knows it.
+It's a complicated subject.	It's a simple subject.
+Your problem is you take the easy way out. Losing is easy.	Winning is easy. Losing is complicated. It's a lifetime's work.
+Winning is easy. Losing is complicated. It's a lifetime's work.	It may be work but it's not honest work. Faith is the real work.
+You made him strike out. You wished it on him. You want to lose. It's too hard for you to believe in something. It's hard to have faith. It's hard Nwork to trust somebody.	"""It looked extremely rocky for the Boston nine that day."""
+"""It looked extremely rocky for the Boston nine that day."""	You're afraid to risk believing. Believe in them. Believe in your self. Take a risk. It will humanize you as a person.
+You're afraid to risk believing. Believe in them. Believe in your self. Take a risk. It will humanize you as a person.	I want to believe.
+I want to believe.	If you believed, you wouldn't be walking around with a handgun in your belt. What does that tell me? You want to make the night come down.
+Say it and you'll believe it. Life is good. Say it.	I want to say it because my whole life may depend on these next few moments.
+I want to say it because my whole life may depend on these next few moments.	Then say it.
+Then say it.	Life is good.
+Life is good.	Speak it like it's real. Matthew.
+I don't know.	Matthew.
+This is something no one has been privileged to see in almost seventy years. Very few people now alive can say that they have seen what you are about to see, Matthew. The Red Sox win a World Series. This is deeply, intensely personal. All the mistakes I've made, all the envy, fear and violence that's encased in this little envelope we call a person -- all washed away in the next few minutes. And your grandmother knows why.	Because God loves a winner.
+Because God loves a winner.	He used to love losers. But the laws of physics changed.
+All the times I died when the Red Sox lost an important game they should have won. All the awful things I said to my mother and father. To Tmy wife and daughter.	Washed away.
+Washed away.	Because life is good.
+Because life is good.	Because faith is rewarded.
+Don't worry. It's a test.	It's a test all right. They're bringing in Stanley.
+This could be it!	This could be it!
+Then they lost?	Why does it matter?
+Why does it matter?	If they lost tonight, they'll lose tomorrow. It's all over.
+If they lost tonight, they'll lose tomorrow. It's all over.	Why do you care?
+Why do you care?	They're my team.
+They're my team.	No. They're not your team. They're my team.
+They're my team, too. I grew up on Boyleston Street. Right by Fenway Park. I went to fifty or sixty games a year. All by myself. I was one of those kids with scabby elbows. I called out to the players. `Look over here. Hi, I'm Steven. My parents are divorced.'	I went to college in Boston so I could be near the Red Sox. I took summer classes and the cut them to go to the game. My wife is from Boston. Lillian Ziegler?
+I went to college in Boston so I could be near the Red Sox. I took summer classes and the cut them to go to the game. My wife is from Boston. Lillian Ziegler?	The Red Sox were my world. I surrendered my existence to a team that couldn't win the big one.
+The Red Sox were my world. I surrendered my existence to a team that couldn't win the big one.	If you're such a devoted fan, why were you at the play tonight instead of the game? Answer carefully. This is important. You could have gone to the theater last night. There was no game last night.
+If you're such a devoted fan, why were you at the play tonight instead of the game? Answer carefully. This is important. You could have gone to the theater last night. There was no game last night.	Because I can't bear to watch. When they lose, I die inside. It's like some little person named Steve just crumples up and dies. I wait for the scores. I still die, hearing the scores, but it's over in a second. I can't survive the game pitch by pitch, inning by inning. I've done it too many times. And I can't do it anymore.
+I was six years old the day Pesky hesitated throwing home and Slaughter scored all the way from first. That's when I knew the Red Sox were my team. Pity and terror.	When I traveled through Asia this summer, I went to tremendous trouble and expense to rent a car with a phone so I could call up Sports Phone in New York and get the scores. I drove through the war in Afghanistan calling Sports Phone like every hour on the hour, for updates.
+When I traveled through Asia this summer, I went to tremendous trouble and expense to rent a car with a phone so I could call up Sports Phone in New York and get the scores. I drove through the war in Afghanistan calling Sports Phone like every hour on the hour, for updates.	What about my play?
+And you're not saying that because of the gun in my hand?	You're out of bullets.
+aybe we ought to postpone the opening.	Joanna loves this play. She has sunk tons of money. She is completely Ncommitted.
+Joanna loves this play. She has sunk tons of money. She is completely Ncommitted.	appreciate that, Sidney. But our leading man can't remember his lines. And his understudy can't carry the play.
+I had lunch with Joanna. She said she told you about Peter. You weren't concerned, she said.	hat was this morning.
+hat was this morning.	So what happened since? You're worried about this kid who writes these reviews?
+'m not worried about this kid.	Well I am. Worried sick. Everybody quotes Steven Schwimmer. He's here to announce the death of civilization. He kills a play every time he farts.
+Well I am. Worried sick. Everybody quotes Steven Schwimmer. He's here to announce the death of civilization. He kills a play every time he farts.	Postpone. We have every right.
+Postpone. We have every right.	Too late. All the elements are in place. Delay the opening and we lose the theater.
+Too late. All the elements are in place. Delay the opening and we lose the theater.	I've had three straight washouts, Sidney.
+I've had three straight washouts, Sidney.	You're dangling from the last letter of your last name.
+I hate the Mets.	How come?
+How come?	When the Mets lose, they just lose. It's a flat feeling. But the Red Sox -- here we have a rich history of interesting ways to lose a crucial game. Defeats that keep you awake, that pound in your head like the hammer of fate.
+Have to hurry back.	Hurry back. Hurry back to what?
+Hurry back. Hurry back to what?	Eleventh inning. What else?
+Game six is history,pal.	You're not making sense.
+What do you mean?	To go to the theater. Wears I don't know what. Make-up, padding.
+To go to the theater. Wears I don't know what. Make-up, padding.	Why?
+Why?	Because he is so deeply hated by so many people in the business.
+Yessiree, Bob.	Get the hell out of here. I don't want you bringing our food. Send a real waiter.
+"Finally, I get a waiter who doesn't know ""Macbeth""."	But I know you, don't I? I seen you on a poster in the theater district. I'll think of your name in just a --
+Sidney remains optimistic.	Sidney.
+Sidney.	Sidney Fabrikant. Our producer.
+Sidney Fabrikant. Our producer.	I was educated by nuns.
+I was educated by nuns.	Yes.
+Yes.	I have excellent long-term memory.
+I have excellent long-term memory.	Yes.
+Yes.	I kissed Shirley Felder on the teeth.
+I kissed Shirley Felder on the teeth.	Yes, Peter.
+Yes, Peter.	But my parasite is consuming all the new memories. Eating my lines.
+But my parasite is consuming all the new memories. Eating my lines.	You have to see the words. Try to build a mental picture of the script. Imagine your lines high- lighted with a felt tip pen.
+You have to see the words. Try to build a mental picture of the script. Imagine your lines high- lighted with a felt tip pen.	What color?
+What color?	What was your favorite color crayon, growing up?
+What was your favorite color crayon, growing up?	Burnt sienna.
+Burnt sienna.	Mine was cobalt blue.
+Mine was cobalt blue.	This is your history, isn't it? Nicky? All around us. And my parasite is consuming it.
+This is your history, isn't it? Nicky? All around us. And my parasite is consuming it.	Yes.
+Yes.	I kissed her while she was laughing.
+I kissed her while she was laughing.	Yes.
+Yes.	I can see her face so clearly. Dear God. My heart was flying out of my chest with love.
+And the Father replies?	That's the line I can't ever, for the life of me remember. I just can't get it.
+This could be it.	I know it sounds easy. But something happens between the time I hear the line and the time I'm suppose to Jrepeat it.
+What's good?	We have a very nice pasta today. Alla Putanesca.
+You've worked with Elliot?	I was in the fish-market play. What happened to him?
+I was in the fish-market play. What happened to him?	There was a review.
+There was a review.	I think I remember.
+I think I remember.	So does Elliot.
+So does Elliot.	Not one of Steven's finer moments.
+Not one of Steven's finer moments.	Oh. You know him.
+Oh. You know him.	A little.
+A little.	And he has finer moments now and then.
+And he has finer moments now and then.	He has -- something. A funny little quality I find --
+He has -- something. A funny little quality I find --	Endearing.
+Endearing.	Engaging.
+Engaging.	Elliot wants to kill him with a railroad spike.
+Elliot wants to kill him with a railroad spike.	A little drastic maybe?
+A little drastic maybe?	Say it again.
+Say it again.	What?
+What?	You know what.
+You know what.	Alla puttanesca.
+Alla puttanesca.	One more time.
+You keep slipping away. How do you do that?	I was one of those silent, listening children. Glued to the shadows.
+I was one of those silent, listening children. Glued to the shadows.	I was all noise. Played the radio loud. Battled constantly with my brother and sister. Here I am, world.
+I was all noise. Played the radio loud. Battled constantly with my brother and sister. Here I am, world.	I hear good things about the new play.
+I hear good things about the new play.	So do I. Over and over.
+So do I. Over and over.	Peter Redmond is an actor I admire enormously.
+Peter Redmond is an actor I admire enormously.	Would you like to meet him?
+Would you like to meet him?	He doesn't want to meet some out-of- work ingenue.
+He doesn't want to meet some out-of- work ingenue.	I'm trying to prolong our afternoon. In case you haven't noticed.
+I'm trying to prolong our afternoon. In case you haven't noticed.	The fact is, I have to get going.
+The fact is, I have to get going.	Is it true?
+Is it true?	Is what true?
+Is what true?	He wears a disguise.
+He wears a disguise.	Steven goes to extremes to protect his privacy. No friends. No phone.
+Steven goes to extremes to protect his privacy. No friends. No phone.	But you're his friend.
+But you're his friend.	Sort of. Sometimes. You're not building an obsession about Steven, are you? Look. I understand opening- night jitters, but you've got one of the great actors in American theater starring in your play.
+Do you think he can do it?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	He's a very sweet man.
+He's a very sweet man.	Where are you going now?
+Where are you going now?	Home.
+Home.	Someone waiting for you?
+Someone waiting for you?	No one's waiting.
+No one's waiting.	There's a certain kind of wounded young man who uses his oddness to get laid. Is that our Steven?
+There's a certain kind of wounded young man who uses his oddness to get laid. Is that our Steven?	If I'm sleeping with him, and I haven't said I am, then so what?
+If I'm sleeping with him, and I haven't said I am, then so what?	So everything. That's so what. So I begin to hate him. So I want to do him grave harm.
+So everything. That's so what. So I begin to hate him. So I want to do him grave harm.	But you don't even know me. How can you care what I do with whom?
+But you don't even know me. How can you care what I do with whom?	I know you both. Enough. How much knowledge does it take before a man does something crazy.
+I know you both. Enough. How much knowledge does it take before a man does something crazy.	Do you want to talk about doing crazy things.
+Do you want to talk about doing crazy things.	Yes.
+Yes.	Never mind.
+What? Come on, Paisley.	Our Steven not only disguises himself.
+Our Steven not only disguises himself.	Yes.
+Yes.	He goes to the theater armed.
+He feels he has to defend himself if necessary.	I'm actually beginning to enjoy this.
+You've come to me. I wanted to believe you would one day.	I haven't come to you.
+I haven't come to you.	But you're here. So you must have come to me.
+In other words I never understood until today how much pain and anxiety you've been causing with your reviews. Steven, it's so unfair.	Of course it's unfair. The truth is always unfair. Why do you think I live this way? Hiding out. Stealing electricity from a lamp post. Because people who write the truth are outcasts of society. I can't live openly, in a nice clean doorman building, with my name on the mailbox. They'd come after me in packs.
+Of course it's unfair. The truth is always unfair. Why do you think I live this way? Hiding out. Stealing electricity from a lamp post. Because people who write the truth are outcasts of society. I can't live openly, in a nice clean doorman building, with my name on the mailbox. They'd come after me in packs.	Not if you stopped hurting people. Write the truth gently.
+Not if you stopped hurting people. Write the truth gently.	The truth is never gentle. Listen to me carefully. Each of us lives in the thinnest possible wrapping of wishes and dreams. Truth is the force that penetrates this wispy skin. It hurts and maims.
+Yes. I've seen your victims. One past and one future. I thought I might convince you to reconsider.	And I thought, at last, she's here, she wants me.
+And I thought, at last, she's here, she wants me.	I don't want you, Steven.
+Stay. Teach me to be compassionate.	I'm going home to my machine.
+"""A high court judge has confirmed that Mr. Gandhi would have been within his rights to prosecute for assault since neither he nor Mr. Khan resisted arrest."" -- I told you about English law."	As I told you about English policemen.
+Just like proper English gentlemen. I'm proud of them.	They are boys. -- And they're Indian.
+"Here, you see? Even the South African papers apologize -- ""a monstrous attack."""	Are you sure?
+Are you sure?	Yes -- I can't talk like this.
+Oww!	Mr. Khan said they called you brave.
+Sora was sent to tell me I -- I must rake and cover the latrine.	Everyone takes his turn.
+Everyone takes his turn.	It is the work of untouchables.
+It is the work of untouchables.	In this place there are no untouchables -- and no work is beneath any of us!
+In this place there are no untouchables -- and no work is beneath any of us!	I am your wife.
+I am your wife.	All the more reason.
+Please! You're being foolish!	There's no room! And the air is lovely.
+God gave you ten thumbs.	Eleven.
+"""Take a fifth step, that we may serve the people."""	"""I will follow close behind you and help to serve the people."""
+"""Take a sixth step, that we may follow our vows in life."""	"""I will follow you in all our vows and duties."""
+No -- prison is rather agreeable to me, and there is no doubt that after the war, independence will come. My only worry is what shape it will take. Jinnah has --	Stop!
+"""...what shape it will take."" Jinnah has -- what?"	Jinnah has -- has cooperated with the British. It has given him power and the freedom to speak, and he has filled the Muslims with fears of what will happen to them in a country that is predominantly Hindu.  That I find hard to bear -- even in prison.
+But do you really believe you could use non-violence against someone like Hitler?	Not without defeats -- and great pain.  But are there no defeats in this war -- no pain?  What you cannot do is accept injustice. From Hitler -- or anyone. You must make the injustice visible -- be prepared to die like a soldier to do so.
+Is my finger supposed to be wrapped around that?	No. That is what you get for distracting me.
+No. That is what you get for distracting me.	What do you expect when you talk like that?
+What do you expect when you talk like that?	I expect you to show as much patience as I am now.
+You really are going to Pakistan, then?  You are a stubborn man.	I'm simply going to prove to Muslims there, and Hindus here, that the only devils in the world are those running around in our own hearts -- and that's where all our battles ought to be fought.
+Enough.	One more.
+Just an admirer...	Nothing's more dangerous, especially for an old man.
+You'd be Gandhi --  ...I thought you'd be bigger.	I'm sorry.
+I'm sorry.	I -- I mean it's all right. It doesn't matter.  I'm -- my name is Andrews, Charlie Andrews. I've come from India -- I've read a great deal about you.
+I -- I mean it's all right. It doesn't matter.  I'm -- my name is Andrews, Charlie Andrews. I've come from India -- I've read a great deal about you.	Some of it good, I hope.
+You're a clergyman.	Yes. I've -- I've met some very remarkable people in India... and -- and when I read what you've been doing here, I -- I wanted to help.  Does that surprise you?
+Yes. I've -- I've met some very remarkable people in India... and -- and when I read what you've been doing here, I -- I wanted to help.  Does that surprise you?	Not anymore.  At first I was amazed... but when you are fighting in a just cause, people seem to pop up -- like you -- right out of the pavement. Even when it is dangerous or --
+That was lucky.	I thought you were a man of God.
+I thought you were a man of God.	I am. But I'm not so egotistical as to think He plans His day around my dilemmas.
+"That's the sort of thing you'll be seeking on this ""farm""..."	Well, we shall try.
+No violence, please.	Let me hang on with two hands or I will fall.
+What are you doing?	Going nearer to God!
+"Not quite. They're only ""holding me"" until the Magistrate's hearing. Then it will be prison."	Did they take your clothes?
+If I want to be one with them, I have to live like them.	I think you do.  But I thank God we all don't.
+I'm sure your legs are quite as handsome as mine.	Ah, but my puritanism runs the another way. I'm far too modest for such a display.
+"They're calling you ""Bapu."" I thought it meant father."	It does. We must be getting old, Charlie.
+...and I knew something had to give. And I was determined to be here when it did.	How does a reporter in Central America learn that Gandhi was born in Porbandar anyway?
+How does a reporter in Central America learn that Gandhi was born in Porbandar anyway?	Oh, I've been a Gandhi buff for a long time.
+You mean Gandhi?	Back in South Africa...  long time ago.
+Back in South Africa...  long time ago.	What was he like?
+What was he like?	Lots of hair... and a little like a college freshman -- trying to figure everything out.
+Lots of hair... and a little like a college freshman -- trying to figure everything out.	Well, he must've found some of the answers...
+What'd he say?	He said he's in charge...
+Tell me -- do you think about hell?	"""Hell!"""
+"""Hell!"""	No -- neither do I. But...  but this man is a Christian and he has written --
+Excuse me, baas, but how long have you been in South Africa?	A -- a week.
+A -- a week.	Well, I don't know how you got a ticket for --
+I'll take your luggage back, baas.	No, no -- just a moment, please.
+We only make wild speeches, or perform even wilder acts of terrorism. We've bred an army of anarchists but not one single group that can really fight the British anywhere.	I thought you were against fighting.
+Fortunately such news comes very slowly where I live.	I think if we all worked to publicize it... all of the Congress... every avenue we know.
+Maybe I'm wrong... maybe we're not ready yet. In South Africa the numbers were small...	The Government's afraid, and they don't know what to do. But they're more afraid of terrorists than of you. The Viceroy has agreed to your release if you will speak for non- violence.
+The Government's afraid, and they don't know what to do. But they're more afraid of terrorists than of you. The Viceroy has agreed to your release if you will speak for non- violence.	I've never spoken for anything else.
+What can we do?	We must end the campaign.
+If we obtain our freedom by murder and bloodshed I want no part of it.	It was one incident.
+It was one incident.	Tell that to the families of the policemen who died.
+I don't believe it -- even the British can't be that stupid!	Panditji -- please, help me.
+And Jinnah?	He's waiting. He's not prepared to accept it will mean as much as you think.
+He's waiting. He's not prepared to accept it will mean as much as you think.	Wait and see... wait and see...
+They are only clinging to old dreams  and trying to split us in the old way. But the will has gone -- Independence will drop like a ripe apple. The only question is when  and how.	I say when is now -- and we will determine how.
+What do you want?	That the fighting will stop -- that you make me believe it will never start again.
+Without a paper -- a journal of some kind -- you cannot unite a community.  You belong to a very important profession.	"Hm. And what should an ""important professional"" write about your response to General Smuts's new legislation?"
+"Hm. And what should an ""important professional"" write about your response to General Smuts's new legislation?"	"I don't know... I'm still searching for a ""response."""
+"I don't know... I'm still searching for a ""response."""	You will respect the law.
+You will respect the law.	There are unjust laws -- as there are unjust men.
+"Well, it's quite a place, your ""ashram"" -- is that right?"	"That's right. The word only means ""community."" But it could stand for ""village""... or the world."
+You're an ambitious man.	I hope not.
+It's beautiful.	Even as a boy I thought so.
+And you've come all this way because you think something is going to happen?	Hm.  Is it?
+Hm.  Is it?	Perhaps. I've come here to think about it.
+Do you remember much of South Africa?	A great deal.
+A great deal.	I've traveled so far -- and thought so much.  As you can see, my city was a sea city -- always filled with Hindus and Muslims and Sikhs and Jews and Persians.  The temple where you were yesterday is of my family's sect, the Pranami. It was Hindu of course but the priests used to read from the Muslim Koran and the Hindu Gita, moving from one to the other as though it mattered not at all which book was read as long as God was worshipped.
+You've done me a great service.	It would have been uncivil of me to have let you make such a long trip for nothing.
+Is it over if they arrest you now?	Not if they arrest me -- or a thousand -- or ten thousand.  It is not only generals who know how to plan campaigns.
+Are you going to walk all the way?	My name is Walk-er. And I intend to report it the way it is.
+It has. But you'd be surprised. They understand -- they really do. It's not the workers you have to worry about.	Good.  Ba will have to teach you to spin too.
+Good.  Ba will have to teach you to spin too.	I would rather march.
+I would rather march.	First spin. Let the others march for a time.
+Do you find me stubborn?	I don't know... I know you are right. I don't know that this is right.
+I'm sure I'm fit for at least five hundred miles.	You should ride the pony. It is not necessary to walk to prove the point.
+It is foolish if it is just to save the life of an old man.	No... no. In every temple and mosque they have pledged to die before they lift a hand against each other.
+We hope you intend to join us in the struggle for Home Rule, Mr. Gandhi.	I --
+The honor is ours. May I introduce Mr. Kallenbach. He's an old friend  and his interest is in flowers. I presumed to tell him he could wander your gardens while we talked.	I'll send my gardener. I'm sure you'll have much to discuss.
+You mean a general strike?	I mean a day of prayer and fasting. But of course no work could be done -- no buses, no trains, no factories, no administration. The country would stop.
+After what they did at the massacre -- it's only an eye for an eye.	An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.  We must stop.
+I will not sit by to see the mastery of the British replaced by the mastery of the Hindus!	Muslim and Hindu are the right and left eye of India. No one will be slave, no one master.
+Who is that young man?	That's young Nehru. He's got his father's intellect, his mother's looks and the devil's charm. If they don't ruin him at Cambridge -- Wave! Wave! -- he may amount to something.
+I must say when I first saw you as a bumbling lawyer here in Bombay I never thought I'd be greeting you as a national hero.	I'm hardly that, Mr. Patel.
+I'm hardly that, Mr. Patel.	Oh, yes, you are. It's been two hundred years since an Indian has cocked a snoot at the British Empire and got away with it. And stop calling me Mr. Patel, you're not a junior clerk anymore.
+Oh, yes, you are. It's been two hundred years since an Indian has cocked a snoot at the British Empire and got away with it. And stop calling me Mr. Patel, you're not a junior clerk anymore.	No.
+I am beginning to know Mr. Nehru.	Well, I've called you here because I've had a chance to see the new legislation. It's exactly what was rumored. Arrest without warrant. Automatic imprisonment for possession of materials considered seditious...
+It must have been the only Non-violent campaign ever led by a man who wanted to kill everybody every day.	Not true!  The secret is mastering the urge.
+They are preparing for war. I will not support it, but I do not intend to take advantage of their danger.	That's when you take advantage.
+We need your help!	There is nothing I can give.
+In England, I was a poor student but I --	That was England.
+You mean you employ Mr. Baker as your attorney, but you can't walk down the street with him?	"I can. But I risk being kicked into the gutter by someone less ""holy"" than Mr. Baker."
+Well, then, it must be fought. We are children of God like everyone else.	Allah be praised. And what battalions will you call upon?
+Allah be praised. And what battalions will you call upon?	I -- I will write to the press -- here -- and in England.  And I will use the courts.
+They're sparing no one, I see.	No. You were the surprise. It's been all over the prison. We thought they'd be too afraid of the English press.
+No. You were the surprise. It's been all over the prison. We thought they'd be too afraid of the English press.	So did I.
+I don't know who they've left out there to do the work. There can't be one mine left open. Have they touched the women?	My wife publicly defied the law. They've arrested her and four others.
+My wife publicly defied the law. They've arrested her and four others.	The fools!  Sorry...
+The fools!  Sorry...	It's split the Government.
+It's split the Government.	Well, that's one victory.
+If we hold firm, it won't be the last.	Don't worry -- I've never seen men so determined. You've given them a way to fight... And I don't think --
+Will you have a glass of sherry?	Thank you. No.
+Perhaps some tea?	I dined at the prison.
+I dined at the prison.	Ahh.
+"Mr. Gandhi, I've more or less decided to ask the House to repeal the Act that you have taken such ""exception"" to."	Well, if you ask, General Smuts, I'm sure it will be done.
+Hm. Of course it is not quite that simple.	Somehow I expected not.
+I'm glad to hear you say that... very glad. You see if we repeal the Act under pressure  under this kind of pressure it will create a great deal of resentment. Can you understand that?	Very well.
+"Good. Good.  I have thought of calling for a Royal Commission to ""investigate"" the new legislation.  I think I could guarantee they would recommend the Act be repealed."	I congratulate them.
+You're an extraordinary man.	I assure you I feel a very ordinary man at this moment.
+Assuming we are in agreement?	Yes -- yes. It's just that... in these clothes I'd -- I'd prefer to go by taxi.
+Yes -- yes. It's just that... in these clothes I'd -- I'd prefer to go by taxi.	All right. Fine.
+All right. Fine.	I'm -- I'm afraid I have no money.
+I'm -- I'm afraid I have no money.	Oh!  Neither have I.  I'm awfully sorry.
+"And that's the basis of this ""Declaration of Independence""?"	"Yes, sir. The day he sets off everyone is supposed to raise the flag of ""Free India."" Then he walks some two hundred and forty miles to the sea and makes salt."
+...There's been no time to keep figures, but there must be ninety -- a hundred thousand under arrest.  And it still goes on.	Who's leading them?
+Who's leading them?	I don't know! Nehru, Patel, almost every Congress Official is in jail... and their wives and their children -- we've even arrested Nehru's mother.
+He's addressed this letter directly to you, has he?	Yes, sir, he has. The usual -- India's salt belongs to India -- but then he says flatly that he personally is going to lead a raid tomorrow on the Dharasana Salt Works.
+Yes, sir, he has. The usual -- India's salt belongs to India -- but then he says flatly that he personally is going to lead a raid tomorrow on the Dharasana Salt Works.	Thank him for his letter, and put him in jail.
+Ah -- we should invite Gandhi. What the devil has happened to him anyway?	"He's ""discovering"" India."
+Have you read his magazine?	No -- but I think I'm going to.
+Bapu, for me, and the rest,  if that is what you want, we will accept it. But out there  already there is rioting because Hindus fear you are going to give too much away.	If you did this, no one could control it. No one.
+He was right. It's insane -- anything would have been better.	Have you found him?
+In Calcutta it's like civil war. The Muslims rose and there was a bloodbath, and now the Hindus are taking revenge -- and if we can't stop it there'll be no hope for the Hindus left in Pakistan.	...an eye for an eye making the whole world blind.
+Could we cut all news off? I know --	Bapu -- please. Where are you going.
+You almost sound like you believe that.	Come with me now, Vincent.  You've gone as far as you can go.
+Come with me now, Vincent.  You've gone as far as you can go.	There are a few million miles to go yet.
+There are a few million miles to go yet.	It's over.
+It's over.	Is that the only way you can succeed, Anton, to see me fail?
+Is that the only way you can succeed, Anton, to see me fail?	It's for the best.
+It's for the best.	God, even you want to tell me what I can't do. In case you hadn't noticed, Anton, I don't need rescuing.  But you did, once.
+Well?  You have all the answers.  How is that possible?	You didn't beat me that day.  I beat myself.
+You didn't beat me that day.  I beat myself.	Who are you trying to convince?
+Who are you trying to convince?	I will prove it to you.  Come swim with me now, Vincent.  Now--tonight.
+How are you doing this, Vincent?  How have you done any of this?	Now is your chance to find out.
+Vincent, where's the shore?  We're too far out. We have to go back!	Too late for that.  We're closer to the other side.
+We were wondering if we should leave some things to chance.	You want to give your child the best possible start.  Believe me, we have enough imperfection built-in already.  Your child doesn't need any additional burdens.  And keep in mind, this child is still you, simply the best of you. You could conceive naturally a thousand times and never get such a result.
+You want to give your child the best possible start.  Believe me, we have enough imperfection built-in already.  Your child doesn't need any additional burdens.  And keep in mind, this child is still you, simply the best of you. You could conceive naturally a thousand times and never get such a result.	He's right, Maria.  That's right.
+Is there any reason you'd want a left-handed child?	Er, no...
+Er, no...	Some believe it is associated with creativity, although there's no evidence.  Also for sports like baseball it can be an advantage.
+Some believe it is associated with creativity, although there's no evidence.  Also for sports like baseball it can be an advantage.	I like football.
+I like football.	I have to warn you, Mr Luca, he's going to be at least a head taller than you. Prepare for a crick in the neck in sixteen years time.
+How much extra?	It would be five thousand more.
+I'm sorry, there's no way we can.	Don't worry.  You'll probably do just as well singing to him in the womb.  We can implant the most successful pre-embryo tomorrow afternoon.
+So you've finally seen sense and come back to your old job, Vincent.	Not yet, I'm afraid.
+Not yet, I'm afraid.	No?  What's keeping you?
+No?  What's keeping you?	I guess I'm a slow learner.
+I guess I'm a slow learner.	I guess so.  Well, while you're up there, maybe you could tidy the place up a bit.
+I guess so.  Well, while you're up there, maybe you could tidy the place up a bit.	I'll see what I can do.
+And don't go getting everybody lost out there. You'll give us a bad name.  You won't have me to keep an eye on you, you know.	By the way, I left some trash in your locker.
+By the way, I left some trash in your locker.	I'll take care of it.
+I don't understand why you were dragged out here, Sir.  It's hardly worth wasting your time--a no-nothing case like this.	A man's dead, Detective.
+A man's dead, Detective.	Of course, Sir.  We're checking the entry log, alibis, grudges...
+Of course, Sir.  We're checking the entry log, alibis, grudges...	Grudges?
+Grudges?	I look around, I see a lot of dry eyes. The Director was not...  ...universally loved.  He was leading the cut-backs in the program.  You're looking at a room full of motives.
+I look around, I see a lot of dry eyes. The Director was not...  ...universally loved.  He was leading the cut-backs in the program.  You're looking at a room full of motives.	No, this is your man.
+No, this is your man.	With respect, Sir--it may be the only unaccountable specimen but the profile suggests--
+With respect, Sir--it may be the only unaccountable specimen but the profile suggests--	--What about his profile?
+According to this, he's a sick man.  Congenital heart condition.  Who knows how long the specimen has been here but there's an 80 percent chance the owner of that eyelash has already died himself from natural causes.	So there's a 20 percent chance he's not dead.
+Even if this Vincent Luca is alive, is it likely he could bludgeon a man to death?	No.  Not likely.
+Of course that doesn't jibe with what we found.  This was an angry killing.	"Who knows with these ""deficients""?  His profile indicates a proclivity for violence."
+"Who knows with these ""deficients""?  His profile indicates a proclivity for violence."	I'll run a crossover on the eyelash for any family or associate connections--
+I'll run a crossover on the eyelash for any family or associate connections--	--I've already run it.  There's no record of any living relative.
+--I've already run it.  There's no record of any living relative.	What a pity.
+What a pity.	Detective Hugo, it's a simple case of lost and found.  All we have to do is locate the man who's minus an eyelash and this murder will solve itself.
+We're in the wrong place.  We're wasting time.	This is the most likely location--
+"--There's that word again.  I have a feeling This man doesn't play the odds, Detective.  Not exactly a slave to probability.  Is it ""likely"" that a man who has successfully eluded authorities for fifteen years--a brutal killer--is going to come to us now like a lamb?"	Is there something more we should know about this suspect, Sir?  I mean besides what's on his sheet.
+Is there something more we should know about this suspect, Sir?  I mean besides what's on his sheet.	Since going underground, traces of this In-Valid have shown up at the scene of four serious felonies.  Do you need any more than that?
+Since going underground, traces of this In-Valid have shown up at the scene of four serious felonies.  Do you need any more than that?	With respect, Sir, many perfectly innocent citizens have left specimens at as many crime scenes.  Maybe he's just unlucky.
+With respect, Sir, many perfectly innocent citizens have left specimens at as many crime scenes.  Maybe he's just unlucky.	I don't like anybody this unlucky.  Widen the sweep.  The West side.  Draw a five mile radius around Gattaca.  Hoover some of the classier establishments.  Random car stops.
+I don't like anybody this unlucky.  Widen the sweep.  The West side.  Draw a five mile radius around Gattaca.  Hoover some of the classier establishments.  Random car stops.	We're already getting complaints about frivolous search.
+We're already getting complaints about frivolous search.	This is a murder investigation.  The public should be happy to co-operate, to get this disease off the streets.
+The skin flake was found in Michael's Restaurant. The employees are all accounted for.	A customer?  Does this Michael's cater to misfits?
+A customer?  Does this Michael's cater to misfits?	"No.  But one or two ""borrowed ladders"" have shown up there in the past."
+"Of course.  He's a ""de-gene-erate"".  He works at Gattaca.  Why else would we find the eyelash near the washroom?  Nobody stops to take a leak during a murder."	It's still possible the eyelash specimen came from a janitor, delivery man--it could have blown in through an open window.
+He was afraid of being exposed.  That's why he did it.	It is hard to believe he could be one of their elite workers.  You've seen their security system.  They know who works there.  Even if you ignore the man's expiration date, his profile suggests that he doesn't have the mathematical propensity let alone the stamina to pass their physicals.
+It is hard to believe he could be one of their elite workers.  You've seen their security system.  They know who works there.  Even if you ignore the man's expiration date, his profile suggests that he doesn't have the mathematical propensity let alone the stamina to pass their physicals.	Don't underestimate these imposters.
+Don't underestimate these imposters.	None of the ID photos match the enhancement.
+None of the ID photos match the enhancement.	A man can change his face--but blood is forever. Sample every employee within the parameters I gave you.  Intravenous.
+You know their workforce.  Two-thirds at least fall into the category.  We'll be closing down their operation for days.  At least go with a fingertip sample or urine.	Blood.  From the vein.
+That's the last.	Something's not right.
+Something's not right.	He's not here.  It's a blind alley.
+He's not here.  It's a blind alley.	No, we've missed something.  We Hoover again.
+No, we've missed something.  We Hoover again.	We don't have the manpower.
+We don't have the manpower.	Get it.  From outside, if you have to.
+Get it.  From outside, if you have to.	From what budget?
+From what budget?	I'll take it out of your damn pension if you question my authority one more time!
+What are you waiting for?	Where do we start?
+Where do we start?	We'll vacuum these streets if we have to.
+Positive saliva match.  The cup was definitely used since the original sweep.	So we have two choices.  Either our suspect came back to the murder scene for a drink of water and I don't know anybody that thirsty or...  ...he is here.  We test again.  You're right, Hugo, this was a desperate act.  Someone had a lot to lose that night--perhaps their place in line.  I'd like the profiles of everyone with an upcoming mission.
+We found his spit in the dead director's eye. He's signed a confession--supplied us with the suit he wore on the night.  What more do you want?	Luca could still be an accomplice.
+It's not exactly him.	Where did you get this?
+How often do you test, Director?	Often.
+Often.	Surely you know what you have.
+Surely you know what you have.	We have to be certain.  Once they're up, we can hardly turn the boat around.
+We believe we have a suspect.	What a relief.
+What a relief.	This unaccountable specimen was found in the south wing corridor.
+Would you care to look--in the telescope?	Thank you, no.
+Thank you, no.	One look through there and you would know why I can't possibly allow you to disrupt operations any further.
+One look through there and you would know why I can't possibly allow you to disrupt operations any further.	You're so unconcerned that you have a killer in your midst.
+You're so unconcerned that you have a killer in your midst.	Right now, your presence is creating more of a threat.  I don't think you have any concept of what we do here--how meticulous our preparations must be.  We are about to send twelve people through 140 million miles of blackness to rendezvous with an object the size of a house and the color of coal.  So it's rather critical to point them in the right direction. And we certainly don't need you looking over our shoulders.  Besides, I don't believe there is any evidence that the killer is amongst us.  I don't see too many other dead bodies littering the place.
+Right now, your presence is creating more of a threat.  I don't think you have any concept of what we do here--how meticulous our preparations must be.  We are about to send twelve people through 140 million miles of blackness to rendezvous with an object the size of a house and the color of coal.  So it's rather critical to point them in the right direction. And we certainly don't need you looking over our shoulders.  Besides, I don't believe there is any evidence that the killer is amongst us.  I don't see too many other dead bodies littering the place.	No, but since there aren't too many live ones tonight either, you won't mind us conducting one further sweep.  If he does not work here, then there should be no other trace of him.  I think you'd better get some people out of bed, Detective.  In the meantime we can re-check his favorite haunt.
+Twelve have a mission within the week.	This time I will supervise each test personally.
+At least it's nothing contagious.	I will not permit any further testing on the eve of a mission.  We're already counting backwards.
+Hello.	Jerome--?
+Jerome--?	Hello, sweatheart.  Come on up.
+Good to see you're feeling better.	"Now you're here.  Who are your ""friends""?"
+"Now you're here.  Who are your ""friends""?"	It's about the Director.
+It's about the Director.	Again?
+That's where we get rid of the traces of him although we never truly succeeded.	I've been looking for him.  Do you know where he is?
+I've been looking for him.  Do you know where he is?	He's probably leaving some more of me around the place before he goes.
+Don't be deceived, Irene.  These are just the clothes.  He has to wear them. Something I could never do.	What's wrong with him?
+What's wrong with him?	You have more in common than you know.
+Okay, how tall did you used to be?	Six one.
+Six one.	He's too tall.
+You okay, Jerome?	Yeah.  You want to go dancing tonight?
+What's wrong with it?	I think I'd better choose the menu.  After all, you're learning how to be me, I'm not learning how to be you.
+I think I'd better choose the menu.  After all, you're learning how to be me, I'm not learning how to be you.	Suit yourself.
+Suit yourself.	Listen, I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful --I know you and that little broker--what do you call him?
+Listen, I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful --I know you and that little broker--what do you call him?	German.
+German.	You're both going to a lot of trouble--  Maybe you can con somebody into believing you're me to get your foot in the door--but once you're inside, you're on your own.  I'm sure you're sincere...  ...but I was being groomed for something like this myself.  Even without the accident I don't think I would have made it.  My point is--how the hell do you expect to pull this off?
+I don't know exactly, Jerome.	At least you're honest.  Call me by my middle name--Eugene--If you're going to be Jerome, you may as well start getting used to it.
+I have to know where you come from.	If anybody asks, tell them the truth-- your family disowns you.  You are a disappointment, Jerome.
+If anybody asks, tell them the truth-- your family disowns you.  You are a disappointment, Jerome.	What about this?
+What about this?	Wrong color.  It's silver.  It's not easy living up to this.
+It needs work.	You had to be a right-hander.
+You had to be a right-hander.	Noone orders southpaws anymore.
+You really need that much?	More than that.  You'll get used to it.
+More than that.  You'll get used to it.	God, what wouldn't you do to leave the planet?
+God, what wouldn't you do to leave the planet?	Leave?  Just a few million years ago every atom in this hair--in our bodies--was a part of a star. I don't see it as leaving.  I see it as going home.
+Leave?  Just a few million years ago every atom in this hair--in our bodies--was a part of a star. I don't see it as leaving.  I see it as going home.	God, you're serious, aren't you?
+It's not too late to back out.	You don't know what a relief it is not to be me.  Are you sure you want the job?
+What about you?  What's in this for you, Eugene?	Listen, I bag this stuff anyway.  It may as well pay my rent.
+Who died?	The Mission Director.
+The Mission Director.	You wish.
+You wish.	They found him in his office this morning-- beaten so bad they had to check his nametag.
+What an act of benevolence--a service to the community.  So that's it.  Now there's nothing between you and ignition.	He was still warm when they confirmed.
+He was still warm when they confirmed.	This calls for a celebration.  Doesn't it?
+This calls for a celebration.  Doesn't it?	The place is crawling with Hoovers.
+The place is crawling with Hoovers.	So what?  You didn't kill him, did you?
+That's not the point.	"Hey, how much of you can be there?  Even if the ""J. Edgars"" do find something, in a week--  you'll be slightly out of their jurisdiction.  Come on, we've got to get drunk immediately."
+"Hey, how much of you can be there?  Even if the ""J. Edgars"" do find something, in a week--  you'll be slightly out of their jurisdiction.  Come on, we've got to get drunk immediately."	You're going to have to earn your supper.  I've got my final physical tomorrow.
+Let's get out of here.	You're right, there's more atmosphere where you're going.
+I gotta stop!!  I gotta stop!!	Keep going!!  Keep going!!
+At least up there your piss will be worth something.  You'll all be showering in it, right?	And drinking it.  It's like Evian by the time it's filtered.
+And drinking it.  It's like Evian by the time it's filtered.	What is that one?
+11.15 to the port.  A maintenance crew.	How long do you stay up there before you go?
+How long do you stay up there before you go?	A day or so.
+A day or so.	I still can't believe they're sending you to the Belt--you of all people--never meant to be born, on a mission to discover the origin of life.
+Up there they wouldn't be a problem.	You know I'm scared of heights.
+I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.	It's okay, Eugene.
+It's okay, Eugene.	You know I wasn't drunk--I knew what I was doing when I walked in front of that car--
+You know I wasn't drunk--I knew what I was doing when I walked in front of that car--	--What car?--Go to sleep.
+--What car?--Go to sleep.	--I walked right in front of it.  I was never more sober in my life.
+It's all right.	I'm proud of you, Vincent.
+Call German.	Any particular reason?
+Any particular reason?	We can't stay here.
+We can't stay here.	What are you talking about?
+What are you talking about?	They think I offed the Director.
+What makes them think that?	They found my eyelash.
+They found my eyelash.	Where?
+Where?	In a corridor.
+In a corridor.	Could be worse.  They could have found it in your eye.
+Come on--we're taking off.	I'm not going anywhere.  Less than a week to go. Not on your life--
+I'm not going anywhere.  Less than a week to go. Not on your life--	--You don't understand, they'll make the connection, they'll hoover again.  We should cut our losses.
+--You don't understand, they'll make the connection, they'll hoover again.  We should cut our losses.	Where is your head, Jerome?  You're acting like a guilty man.  They won't marry the eyelash to you.  They won't believe that one of their elite navigators could have suckered them for the last five years.
+Where is your head, Jerome?  You're acting like a guilty man.  They won't marry the eyelash to you.  They won't believe that one of their elite navigators could have suckered them for the last five years.	They'll recognize me.
+They'll recognize me.	How could they recognize you?  I don't recognize you.  Anyway, you don't have a choice.  You run, you may as well sign a confession, turn us both in right now.  No, we stick this out-- find out what we can but change nothing.  This is a minor inconvenience is all it is.  We've taken worse heat than this.  Jesus, if I'd known you were going to go belly up on me at the last fucking gasp, I wouldn't have bothered.  You can't quit on me now.  I've put too much into this.  Besides, this stuff is mine.  I had other offers, you know.  I could have rented myself out to somebody with a spine.  You want me to wheel in there and finish the job myself?  We'll take off all right, from pad 18 just like we planned.
+And keep your lashes on your lids where they belong.  How could you be so careless?	I'm sorry.  I think I was crying.
+You really had other offers?	I'm sure I could have.
+So it's not just the Hoovers who've got you rattled.	You're the one who said not to change anything. She's my ear to the investigation.
+You're the one who said not to change anything. She's my ear to the investigation.	Is that all?
+Is that all?	I've got enough on my mind without that.
+I've got enough on my mind without that.	If you say so.  The stripe.
+If you say so.  The stripe.	Good choice.
+Not thirsty?  We've got enough virgin samples to last us the week.	I don't feel too good.  I think I'm still drunk from last night.
+I don't feel too good.  I think I'm still drunk from last night.	Never stopped you before.  And for God's sake stop plucking your hair. Someone went to a lot of trouble to make sure you wouldn't go bald.
+Never stopped you before.  And for God's sake stop plucking your hair. Someone went to a lot of trouble to make sure you wouldn't go bald.	If I were you I'd worry about myself.  Haven't you forgotten something?
+How was your evening?	Complicated.  I couldn't stop her apologizing.
+Complicated.  I couldn't stop her apologizing.	"You are a catch.  No doubt she's worried that she would lower the standard of your offspring. Everybody wants to ""breed up"".  What's wrong with her?"
+"You are a catch.  No doubt she's worried that she would lower the standard of your offspring. Everybody wants to ""breed up"".  What's wrong with her?"	You know how it is with these altered births --somebody told her she's not going to live forever and she's been preparing to die ever since.
+You know how it is with these altered births --somebody told her she's not going to live forever and she's been preparing to die ever since.	You're not thinking of telling her, are you?
+You're not thinking of telling her, are you?	Of course not.  But she's have to know eventually.
+Of course not.  But she's have to know eventually.	She doesn't have to know.  She doesn't want to know.
+Where are we going?	I'm sorry.  I've got plans.
+I'm sorry.  I've got plans.	Again?
+Again?	She's already got her doubts.  I have to act like nothing's wrong.
+She's already got her doubts.  I have to act like nothing's wrong.	I'm sure you'll be very convincing.
+Where are you taking her?	Michael's.
+Everybody goes there.	You may as well invite her here.
+You may as well invite her here.	Will you be okay?
+Will you be okay?	Don't worry about your little pin cushion. To be honest, I'm looking forward to having the place to myself.
+Don't worry about your little pin cushion. To be honest, I'm looking forward to having the place to myself.	We'll still be able to talk when I'm away. The conversation will just keep getting longer.
+We'll still be able to talk when I'm away. The conversation will just keep getting longer.	How long?
+How long?	"By the time I'm at the Belt, you phone and say, ""How are you?""  Forty-five minutes later I reply, ""Not bad.  How are you?"""
+"By the time I'm at the Belt, you phone and say, ""How are you?""  Forty-five minutes later I reply, ""Not bad.  How are you?"""	I guess I'd better have something important to say if it takes that long to get an answer.
+Hello?	How would you like to be yourself for the day?
+How would you like to be yourself for the day?	I was never very good at it, remember?
+How are you, Jerome?	Not bad, Jerome.
+Not bad, Jerome.	How the hell did you get here.
+How the hell did you get here.	I could always walk.  I've been faking it.
+I have your samples ready.	Have you forgotten?  I don't need any samples where I'm going.
+Have you forgotten?  I don't need any samples where I'm going.	No, but you might need them when you get back.
+Why have you done this?	In case you get back before I do.
+In case you get back before I do.	Where are you going?
+Where are you going?	I'm travelling too.
+Thank you.	I got the better end of the deal.  I just lent you my body--you lent me your dream.
+First, we may as well decide on gender. Have you given it any thought?	We would like Vincent to have a brother... you know, to play with.
+You've already specified blue eyes, dark hair and fair skin.  I have taken the liberty of eradicating any potentially prejudicial conditions - premature baldness, myopia, alcoholism and addictive susceptibility, propensity for violence and obesity--	--We didn't want--diseases, yes.
+Anything I've forgotten?	We want him--we were hoping he would get married and have children.  We'd like grandchildren.
+We want him--we were hoping he would get married and have children.  We'd like grandchildren.	I understand.  That's already been taken care of.  Now you appreciate I can only work with the raw material I have at my disposal but for a little extra...I could also attempt to insert sequences associated with enhanced mathematical or musical ability.
+I understand.  That's already been taken care of.  Now you appreciate I can only work with the raw material I have at my disposal but for a little extra...I could also attempt to insert sequences associated with enhanced mathematical or musical ability.	Antonio, the choir...
+Antonio, the choir...	I have to caution you it's not fool-proof. With multi-gene traits there can be no guarantees.
+What will happen to the others?	"They are not babies, Maria, merely ""human possibilities""."
+What do you think?	I think I could do something  provided you know what you're doing and you can meet the terms.
+Vincent...Vincent...	German, is that you?
+German, is that you?	Vincent, come down.  I've found him.
+He has the heart of an ox.  He could run through a Goddamn wall--if he could still run. Actually, he was a big college swimming star.	I hope he's not just a body.
+I hope he's not just a body.	No problem.  Before he dropped out he was an honor student, the right majors--
+No problem.  Before he dropped out he was an honor student, the right majors--	How do I square the accident?
+How do I square the accident?	It happened in Australasia.  He checked in yesterday.  No family complications, no record he ever broke his neck.  As far as anybody's concerned, he's still a walking, talking, fully-productive member of society. You just have to get him off the pipe and fill in the last two years of his life.  Excuse me, your life.
+Yeah.	I'd have to bleach my hair.
+I'd have to bleach my hair.	Why are you inventing problems?  You two are a couple of goddam clones.  You look so right together, I want to double my fee.
+Why are you inventing problems?  You two are a couple of goddam clones.  You look so right together, I want to double my fee.	How tall are you?
+You can wear lifts.	Even with lifts I'm never that tall.
+Even with lifts I'm never that tall.	There's a way.
+My wife and I--we're thinking of starting a family.	Why not?
+Why not?	These new personality corrections I've been reading about.
+These new personality corrections I've been reading about.	You worried about the cost?
+You worried about the cost?	Not that.
+Not that.	They said the same thing about myopia and obesity.  You think your children would be less human if they were less violent, angry, spiteful?  Maybe they'd be more human.  From where I sit the world could stand a little improving.
+Hugo!  I've found him!	I've found him too.
+I've found him too.	A fingerprint.  There's something to be said for nostalgia.  What did you find?
+No bother.	I've been asked to compile a log for the investigators--they want to know everyone's whereabouts last night.
+I've been asked to compile a log for the investigators--they want to know everyone's whereabouts last night.	Last night?  I was at home.
+Can that be, er, verified?  Were you alone?	No it can't be verified.  Yes I was alone.
+Looks bad, doesn't it, Irene?  What about you?  Where were you last night?	I was at home.
+I was at home.	Were you alone?
+Were you alone?	Yes.
+Yes.	So we don't know for sure about you, either.
+So we don't know for sure about you, either.	No.
+No.	Why don't we say we were together?
+Why don't we say we were together?	Why would we do that?
+Why would we do that?	I have better things to do this week than answer the foolish questions of some flatfoot. Don't you?
+I'm sorry.  I didn't mean anything.	We were just looking.
+We were just looking.	I know about you.
+Have they found our friend?	Friend?
+Friend?	It was a mercy-killing after all.
+It was a mercy-killing after all.	They found an eyelash.
+They found an eyelash.	Where?
+Where?	In the South Wing.
+In the South Wing.	Does it have a name?
+Does it have a name?	Just some In-Valid.  Vincent--  --somebody.
+Perhaps we ought to celebrate, Irene.	You celebrate, Jerome?
+You didn't know?	Yes...yes...
+Yes...yes...	You're angry--
+You're angry--	Why would I be angry?  It was beautiful.
+I envy you, Jerome.	You'll be next.
+You'll be next.	I don't think so.  The only trip I'll make in space is around the sun--  --on this satellite right here.
+It's here.  My heart.  I'm careful--weekly check-ups.  I'm on a drug maintenance program, blood thinners, diet--  I just want you to know what you'd be getting yourself into.	What exactly is wrong?
+What exactly is wrong?	Nothing yet.  I'll start experiencing symptoms in my late-fifties.  But unless they come up with something between now and then, I won't live much past 67.
+Of course I think about it every day.	Of course.
+So you didn't do it after all.	I guess somebody beat me to it.
+What is this place?	You've never been here?  Let me order for you.
+Why are we leaving?	Those checks take forever.
+What about the car?	Let's walk.
+Let's walk.	Who are they?
+Who are they?	It's not safe.  I shouldn't have brought you here.
+I can't.	Come on.
+Come on.	My medication.  I left it back there.
+My medication.  I left it back there.	We'll get it later.  Irene, please.
+What happened?	You remember the '99 Chrysler LeBaron? It's the exact height of the front fender.  Looked right instead of left.
+You remember the '99 Chrysler LeBaron? It's the exact height of the front fender.  Looked right instead of left.	So you're not so smart after all.  I want you to know--if it ever came to it-- I'd be willing to get an ovum from the Egg Bank.  In fact, I'd rather use a donor egg--  --if it came to it.
+So you're not so smart after all.  I want you to know--if it ever came to it-- I'd be willing to get an ovum from the Egg Bank.  In fact, I'd rather use a donor egg--  --if it came to it.	"But ""if it came to it"" then it couldn't have your--  --nose.  How perfect does your child have to be?"
+"But ""if it came to it"" then it couldn't have your--  --nose.  How perfect does your child have to be?"	You hypocrite.  Do you think for one moment you'd be doing what you're doing if it wasn't for who you are--what you are?  Don't you get any satisfaction knowing that your children will be able to live to a ripe old age unless they do something foolish?
+You hypocrite.  Do you think for one moment you'd be doing what you're doing if it wasn't for who you are--what you are?  Don't you get any satisfaction knowing that your children will be able to live to a ripe old age unless they do something foolish?	That's precisely what scaresme--that they won't do anything foolish or courageous or anything--worth a Goddamn.
+What is it?	I forgot something--something at home. I'll see you later.
+--when you go away.	We could go together one day.
+A year is a long time.	Not so long--just once around the sun.
+Jerome...never shy.  Pisses on command. You've got a beautiful cock.  I ever told you that, Jerome?	Only every time I'm in here.
+If everything goes to plan, this could be the last time I see you for a while.  One week to go.  Please tell me you're the least bit excited.	I'll tell you at the end of the week.
+I've got enough here.	Need any more, you can always get it off his shoes.
+What's this, Lamar?	New policy.
+Flight got you nervous?	There's a problem, Lamar.
+There's a problem, Lamar.	Did I ever tell you about my son, Jerome?  He's a big fan of yours.  He wants to apply here.
+Just remember, Lamar, I could have gone up and back and nobody would have been the wiser--	--Unfortunately my son's not all that they promised.  But then, who know what he could do.
+What are you doing?	I can't do this.
+I can't do this.	I told you, the government pays.  It's all taken care of.
+I told you, the government pays.  It's all taken care of.	No, you don't understand.  I can't.
+The doctor will give you something.	I'm not doing it.
+I'm not doing it.	Honey, you've made one mistake--
+--I've read your profile.  I don't know about the father but you carry enough hereditary factors on your own.  You can have other children.	Not like this one.
+Not like this one.	Honey, look around you.  The world doesn't want one like that one.
+The name?  For the certificate.	Antonio--
+You gotta be kidding.	Not at all, just a pleasant way to have lunch.
+All it takes is a long arm.	Hard to judge how these things happen. The Parole Board almost never reverses their decisions.
+Hard to judge how these things happen. The Parole Board almost never reverses their decisions.	I guess it was because I was a model prisoner.
+I guess it was because I was a model prisoner.	This is the only time you and I meet in public. Any business with me, handle it with him...
+You're back with your own people now. Got you some professionals.	I get my own help.
+I get my own help.	You run the job, but I run the show. You got two weeks to set it up.
+What about them?	They're mine. The one with the moustache is my brother. They stay out of it. We stay clean.
+Rudy Butler, Frank Jackson...	I heard about you. You work with Miller.
+Sure,  You're working on the passports...  ... and visas?	They will be ready. You guys do your job.
+They will be ready. You guys do your job.	I'll take care of my end.
+I'll take care of my end.	Stay clean.
+Hello, McCoy.	Beynon.
+Beynon.	News said two persons killed.
+Three... Rudy got ambitious.	And you got him...
+And you got him...	That's right.
+What about your wife?	What about her?  Let's c ut up the money, I want to get North.
+You hired Jackson and Rudy., not me.	They may nail me into this now, McCoy.
+They may nail me into this now, McCoy.	That's your problem.
+That's your problem.	You know, you and I may be two of a kind.
+You know, you and I may be two of a kind.	No way. I always do my own work.
+I'm in a hurry.	You still don't get the picture do you? I've always heard what a smart ass operator you are.
+You still don't get the picture do you? I've always heard what a smart ass operator you are.	No applause!
+A simple reason, McCoy. The obvious reason. To rob a bank.	I knew that life didn't add up to the obvious when I was 8.
+I knew that life didn't add up to the obvious when I was 8.	What do you add up to here?
+What do you add up to here?	One. The radio's rappin' about $750^000. We only got a half a million.
+One. The radio's rappin' about $750^000. We only got a half a million.	A little more was taken out before.  My brother's a director of that Bank, Mr. McCoy... I had a few pressing debts.
+A little more was taken out before.  My brother's a director of that Bank, Mr. McCoy... I had a few pressing debts.	So we did that crackerbox... to cover for you.
+So we did that crackerbox... to cover for you.	The obvious.  But we are both not interested in that right now.
+The obvious.  But we are both not interested in that right now.	No.  My old lady must have made a lot of promises.
+No.  My old lady must have made a lot of promises.	Close... but it takes a hell of a lot more than promises to pull the kind of strings I pulled.
+Close... but it takes a hell of a lot more than promises to pull the kind of strings I pulled.	I bet.
+Don't think too badly of her... After all, you were in jail a long time and she is a healthy young woman.	Get it over with...
+We'll try again.	No way. I've got to get out now.
+Hello, Doc.	Hi.
+Hi.	You okay?
+You okay?	I'm a lot better off than I was an hour ago.
+You want to drive?	My license expired, let's get out of here.
+My license expired, let's get out of here.	Sure...
+I'm sorry I was late... I got my hair done... the girl was slow.	It looks fine.
+Feel good?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Where do you want to go?
+Where do you want to go?	I want to take a walk.
+It doesn't look like that.	What do you mean? You've never been there.
+What do you mean? You've never been there.	I've been there every day for the last four years.
+What's Beynon got set up?	Small town, small bank, big money.
+Where did you get those?	I've been doing my homework.
+I've been doing my homework.	Just like old times?
+Just like old times?	Better than old times.
+Better than old times.	I hope so. I am not looking forward to another stretch.
+I hope so. I am not looking forward to another stretch.	I made a mistake. I'll never make another one.
+I made a mistake. I'll never make another one.	Where did you get them developed?
+Where did you get them developed?	Assumed name... Houston.
+Assumed name... Houston.	Good.
+Half a million.	That Beynon's got a long arm.
+That Beynon's got a long arm.	What do you want for dinner?
+What do you want for dinner?	Whisky and a peach.
+How does it taste?	Just the way I remembered.
+You been okay?	Pretty good... Made a quick trip to Oregon, saw my brother and the kids. Figured it would be my last chance, unless they wanted to travel.
+Pretty good... Made a quick trip to Oregon, saw my brother and the kids. Figured it would be my last chance, unless they wanted to travel.	How's Estelle?
+How's Estelle?	Fatter... some things never change.
+Fatter... some things never change.	Boring.
+Boring.	Nothing's been boring since you found me.
+Nothing's been boring since you found me.	That's not all of it.
+That's not all of it.	No. It's been a long time.
+You go out much?	After four years and now the question comes up.
+After four years and now the question comes up.	Couldn't handle it then. Now I can.
+Couldn't handle it then. Now I can.	I'm still here, Doc.
+I guess I'm kind of...	It's all right.
+It's all right.	It's just been a while.
+It's just been a while.	We've got time. We've got a lot of time. I can help you.
+Wait... give me a minute.	Sure.
+I'll be okay.	Listen, I'm just as nervous as you are.
+Listen, I'm just as nervous as you are.	Really?
+Really?	Really.
+How was it?	Better than I remembered.
+I was going to fix you breakfast.	You were asleep.
+You were asleep.	I bought you a lot of new things.
+Yeah, well, I think I'll stick with what I've got.	Suit yourself.
+$250,000 right off the top.	Is he straight?
+Is he straight?	You got the parole, didn't you?
+Thanks again.  I 'm glad you waited.	I couldn't have... much longer.
+I couldn't have... much longer.	Yeah... I know.
+Yeah... I know.	But I got you out. Didn't I, Doc. I did it. I got you out.
+Why are you laughing?	I laugh when I feel happy. Sometimes just thinking of you made me laugh. I had a lot of that. And other times that wasn't enough. I had a lot of that too. I know you find it hard to believe, I'm happy just loving you.
+I laugh when I feel happy. Sometimes just thinking of you made me laugh. I had a lot of that. And other times that wasn't enough. I had a lot of that too. I know you find it hard to believe, I'm happy just loving you.	That doesn't hurt.
+That doesn't hurt.	But sometimes I cried a lot too.
+But sometimes I cried a lot too.	I didn't. I just waited.
+I didn't. I just waited.	Want to cry now?
+... Bank President, three tellers and one guard...	Usually on the right side as you go in.
+Usually on the right side as you go in.	Nail him first, be careful he doesn't panic and want to shoot somebody. Local police have one car, a rover, shouldn't be in the vicinity at the time we hit unless it's answering an emergency call... if the cop car shows up remember it doesn't have any automatic weapons. Only a shotgun braced on the dashboard. Get into a tight spot, you'll be out of range at forty yards. Then they're down to their side guns.
+Nail him first, be careful he doesn't panic and want to shoot somebody. Local police have one car, a rover, shouldn't be in the vicinity at the time we hit unless it's answering an emergency call... if the cop car shows up remember it doesn't have any automatic weapons. Only a shotgun braced on the dashboard. Get into a tight spot, you'll be out of range at forty yards. Then they're down to their side guns.	For exits off Main Street.
+For exits off Main Street.	Should be light traffic that time of day... the Bank Guard carries a .38. These will stop an M.2 at fifty yards.
+Keep going over these. I don't want anybody getting lost.	If we are clean Gollie will take us over at Nogales. If we are hot we'll have to try Laughlin at El Paso.
+You know how I feel?	My mind's not on guessing games.
+Promise you won't laugh.	If it's funny I'm going to laugh.
+If it's funny I'm going to laugh.	I feel like the night before the first day of school.
+I feel like the night before the first day of school.	That bad?
+It will be such a relief not to have to think about it any more.	Waiting's hard. You never learn how.
+Waiting's hard. You never learn how.	You know I've actually gotten tired waiting sometimes... worn out waiting.
+You know I've actually gotten tired waiting sometimes... worn out waiting.	At least you were outside.
+At least you were outside.	It doesn!t make much difference where you are, if you're waiting, Doc.
+It doesn!t make much difference where you are, if you're waiting, Doc.	Bullshit.
+Bullshit.	I mean it.
+I mean it.	I know you do. But it is different.  It's different.  We'll be all right tomorrow.
+I know you do. But it is different.  It's different.  We'll be all right tomorrow.	We are always going to be all right tomorrow. I'd like to be all right a few todays.
+We are always going to be all right tomorrow. I'd like to be all right a few todays.	We're going to have a lot of those,  We're just going to get the money and then go all the way.
+We're going to have a lot of those,  We're just going to get the money and then go all the way.	... and live happily ever after.
+What about the bank?	Jackson panicked and nailed the guard.
+Doc...	I see it...
+They checked in.	Call the ranch, tell Beynotr we'll leave his cut here --
+Call the ranch, tell Beynotr we'll leave his cut here --	Why?
+Why?	There are three men dead.
+There are three men dead.	So what. I've got to give him his money. That was our end of the deal.
+So what. I've got to give him his money. That was our end of the deal.	He might be ready to chop us up.
+He might be ready to chop us up.	Do it my way.
+Tell me about Beynon's ranch.	"I've never ""been there... When we met it was in his office."
+Do you trust him?	I just figure the percentages. He wouldn't try a cross until he's got the money.
+I just figure the percentages. He wouldn't try a cross until he's got the money.	Let's send his cut back -- Just keep going.
+Let's send his cut back -- Just keep going.	If we make a mistake., he'll burn us. You make a deal, you're always better keeping your end up.
+If we make a mistake., he'll burn us. You make a deal, you're always better keeping your end up.	I don't want to go there.
+I don't want to go there.	Do it my way.
+Why didn't you tell me?	There wasn't any way to explain it.
+There wasn't any way to explain it.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	You sent me to him.
+You sent me to him.	When I got out, why didn't you tell me where it was?
+When I got out, why didn't you tell me where it was?	What the hell do you want? Mary Tyler Moore?
+What the hell do you want? Mary Tyler Moore?	Who's she?
+Who's she?	She's on TV.
+She's on TV.	If you don't start telling the truth...
+If you don't start telling the truth...	What do we do?
+What do we do?	We keep going.
+A man helped me open it...	And switched keys.
+And switched keys.	He must have.
+He must have.	It isn't another boyfriend, is it?
+How long ago.	Fifteen minutes.
+Fifteen minutes.	Sure?
+There better be a guy with the	You bastard...
+Your kind of mistakes are going to land me back in Huntsville.	I wouldn't worry Doc. I can always get you out... I'll screw every prison official in Texas if I have to.
+I wouldn't worry Doc. I can always get you out... I'll screw every prison official in Texas if I have to.	Texas is a big state.
+Texas is a big state.	I can handle it.
+I can handle it.	I'll bet you can.
+I'll bet you can.	You'd do the same for me, wouldn't you, Doc?  If I was caught, wouldn't you?
+When we had trouble before it was different.	You don't like the way things are, I don't like the way things
+You don't like the way things are, I don't like the way things	What do you want to do?
+What do you want to do?	Maybe we should split up... I'll cut the money with you.
+Maybe we should split up... I'll cut the money with you.	Do you mean that?
+Do you mean that?	I mean it.
+We'll grab a room for tonight then you go out tomorrow and buy yourself some new clothes, pick some up for me... Grab some food now, paper bag it, we eat in the room.	You've got all the answers. What about when they find the body on the train?
+You've got all the answers. What about when they find the body on the train?	When they find it, they find it.
+You've got it all figured.	No... there's a couple of things I'm still working on.
+No... there's a couple of things I'm still working on.	Like what?
+There may be a hunting party.	Why, there's nothing on the news?
+Why, there's nothing on the news?	I didn't mean police.
+What?	If Beynon bought him out, and he talked then maybe Beynon's boys will be waiting for us in El Paso.
+You're full of ifs.	I think you liked it with him.
+Maybe. At least I got to him.  Where do we go from here?	El Paso.
+That would be the first time.	When are you going to learn?
+When are you going to learn?	I did I killed a man.
+From now on you just shut up and do as you're told.	If I hadn't killed Beynon., you would have.
+You can't trust anything these days.	I'll tell you something, Doc. One day you're going to have to trust somebody...
+I trust...  Want to see what I trust... In God we trust...  The word's on every bill!!!	You keep it up and it won't matter how far we get away, because it's going to be all over between you and me. Do you understand that? There won't be anything left.
+Only one car.	Let's do it.
+Where are you going?	El Paso.
+How much?	Twenty eight hundred.
+Are you hungry?	Not now.
+Okay?	I think so... I don't know.
+No scars?	No scars.
+Do what I tell you, it's not a game.	It's all a game, don't bother me.
+We better stick here till tonight.	Yeah.
+We're going to make it.	Sure...
+I want to say something.	I don't want to hear it.
+I don't want to hear it.	Listen to me. It's hard enough.
+Look, what you said yesterday... I guess that was right. It isn't worth anything if we don't make it together.	I don't think we can any more... If we ever get out of here, maybe I should take off...
+I don't think we can any more... If we ever get out of here, maybe I should take off...	We got this far.
+We got this far.	We've come a lot of miles. But we're not close to anything.
+We've come a lot of miles. But we're not close to anything.	I guess you're right.
+I always thought jails make people hard. Not you. You're just not tough enough to forget about Beynon. I chose you, not him.	Either we pick it up or else we leave it right here. We got to go one way or another.
+Either we pick it up or else we leave it right here. We got to go one way or another.	No more about Beynon.
+No more about Beynon.	Whatever happens it's over.
+Sounds good.	You want to try with me?
+You want to try with me?	Things can't get much worse can they?
+Things can't get much worse can they?	I don't see how.
+Okay.	You and me.
+You and me.	Can we make it?
+Can we make it?	We get to Mexico, we can have a life.
+We get to Mexico, we can have a life.	That's all I want... It's the only thing I have ever wanted.
+We've got some food coming, should be here any minute.	Great. I'm going to sleep twelve hours.
+Great. I'm going to sleep twelve hours.	Ten. Laughlin's going to take us across at four A.M.
+Ten. Laughlin's going to take us across at four A.M.	Oh, Jesus... how?
+Oh, Jesus... how?	Jeep. There's a dry river bed fifteen miles east. He takes us to the Mexican side, drops us off at the airfield by breakfast... we've got a 9 o'clock flight.
+Jeep. There's a dry river bed fifteen miles east. He takes us to the Mexican side, drops us off at the airfield by breakfast... we've got a 9 o'clock flight.	I'll be ready.
+I'll be ready.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	What's wrong?
+What's wrong?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	Get in the shower. You'll feel okay.
+Get in the shower. You'll feel okay.	Whatever you say.
+What is it?	Laughlin. He's always got his family around... that wife and kid of his have to stand by his side to make sure he stays off the juice and horses.
+Laughlin. He's always got his family around... that wife and kid of his have to stand by his side to make sure he stays off the juice and horses.	So what?
+So what?	If they are not here, he must have sent them away.
+You're crazy.	Get your clothes on, move your butt.
+Come on, come on.	Who was it?
+Who was it?	Just get your clothes on...
+You okay?	Where do we go from here?
+Where do we go from here?	I don't know, airport I guess.
+I don't know, airport I guess.	They will have our description before we can get a plane.
+They will have our description before we can get a plane.	Yeah.
+How long before this car's hot?	Pull over.
+Are we going to make it?	Hell, I don't know... but we sure gave it a run.
+Hell, I don't know... but we sure gave it a run.	Whatever happens... we're going all the way.
+Whatever happens... we're going all the way.	Yeah, why not? We're the good guys.
+Yeah, why not? We're the good guys.	I guess we are.
+What now?	We walk.
+That's right.	Me, too. Got twenty-four days of furlough and I'm goin' home.
+Where's home?	Utah, the Bee-Hive state. I'm from Orem, right near Salt Lake ... Say, you wouldn't happen to be a Mormon, would you?
+Utah, the Bee-Hive state. I'm from Orem, right near Salt Lake ... Say, you wouldn't happen to be a Mormon, would you?	No, I'm not.
+No, I'm not.	Me, neither. There's about twelve people in the state that aren't Mormons and I'm one of them.
+Me, neither. There's about twelve people in the state that aren't Mormons and I'm one of them.	That certainly makes you kind of special...
+That certainly makes you kind of special...	Yeah... I guess it does.
+You wouldn't be taking the train to Salt Lake, would you?	No, I'm afraid not.
+No, I'm afraid not.	I never have any luck.
+STANDS AND PAUSES FOR A MOMENT.	I really hope you have a nice trip.
+I really hope you have a nice trip.	Thanks. I hope yours is okay, too.
+Three years ago I dynamited some fish at the reservoir.	Oh my God.
+Oh my God.	That little job cost me a hundred dollars... didn't even get to keep the fish.
+Hope you get to where you're going.	Thanks. Hope you do too.
+Thanks. Hope you do too.	By the way, you're getting a hell of a car there, mister.
+One thing though... how do I explain this to my wife?	Tell her you robbed a bank...
+Can I help you?	Sure can. I'd like an Invicta 12-gauge pump with the twenty-inch barrel.
+Sure can. I'd like an Invicta 12-gauge pump with the twenty-inch barrel.	All right. Shells?
+All right. Shells?	Two boxes of double-ought buck.
+Two boxes of double-ought buck.	Gonna knock down a wall?
+Gonna knock down a wall?	Might try that.
+You're out of touch. Cops blew him up.	Where?
+Where?	Chicago.
+Chicago.	You were with him?
+You were with him?	Yeah. I got out.
+Yeah. I got out.	What about you?
+Just in case someone gets a shot off.	I worked ten years without one, I don't need one now.
+I worked ten years without one, I don't need one now.	Suit yourself.
+Suit yourself.	Okay. How many bank exits?
+Okay. How many bank exits?	Two.
+Two.	What about the vault?
+What about the vault?	Chambers - Reilly. Time lock opens 20 minutes before they start doing business...
+Chambers - Reilly. Time lock opens 20 minutes before they start doing business...	Wire pull over?
+Wire pull over?	One-inch stuff on a three-number combination.
+One-inch stuff on a three-number combination.	I'm good at that.
+I'm good at that.	I 'm handling the fine stuff. You're back up all the way...
+I 'm handling the fine stuff. You're back up all the way...	Whatever you need.
+I'll hang on to these. We don't need them till we get to Gollie«s. Okay. Any questions?	Aren't we going a little hard?
+Aren't we going a little hard?	What do you have in mind?
+What do you have in mind?	It's just a walk-in bank. You don't have to be Dillinger for this one.
+It's just a walk-in bank. You don't have to be Dillinger for this one.	Dillinger got killed.
+How's Mama and the kids?	Growing -- all of them - every day.  318, you'll be the only ones on the floor.
+Growing -- all of them - every day.  318, you'll be the only ones on the floor.	My lady'11 come in in about five minutes. Have some food sent up in half an hour.
+My lady'11 come in in about five minutes. Have some food sent up in half an hour.	Just sandwiches...
+Just sandwiches...	Right.
+When she gets here, have that kid of yours help her with the suitcase.	He took the day off.
+He took the day off.	Then you do it.
+Then you do it.	Can't leave the desk.
+Drive.	Suit yourself.
+How was that?	Just fine.
+Just fine.	Where we go in1?
+Where we go in1?	Mexico. I'd like to find a quiet place to cross.
+Mexico. I'd like to find a quiet place to cross.	Why not?
+I guess you ain't gonna shoot me, are you?	I kinda doubt it.
+Let's just get to the border.	Sure thing, mister, it's coming right up. 'Bout an hour. Quiet crossing that is.
+Which way?	Juarez - Chihuahua City road.
+Juarez - Chihuahua City road.	Don't you want to go to the airport?
+Don't you want to go to the airport?	Not now.
+Listen... how much money did you make this year?	What's it to you?
+What's it to you?	Come on. How much?
+Come on. How much?	'Bout five thousand.
+'Bout five thousand.	How about if I buy your car for ten grand?
+How about if I buy your car for ten grand?	You serious?
+You serious?	Sure am.
+Sure am.	And I keep my mouth shut?
+And I keep my mouth shut?	That's what I want.
+That's what I want.	I don't report the car and I don't know either of you?
+I don't report the car and I don't know either of you?	You got it.
+You got it.	How about twenty thousand?
+You're going to have to walk back to the border.	Don't worry about me, I'll grab a cab... I can afford it, you know.
+Well, I paid a hell of a price. Now for God's sake keep your mouth shut.	Wish you hadn't said that. When Slim Canfield's lips are sealed, they're sealed.
+Wish you hadn't said that. When Slim Canfield's lips are sealed, they're sealed.	Go with God.
+Is it possible, Mrs. Clinton?	Just... tell us what you want.
+What kind of car do you have, Harold?	A Ford... We have a Ford.
+A Ford... We have a Ford.	That's good. That's very good. Now Harold, you go out and gas up the Ford, check the oil and tires, we don't want any problems on the road. One more thing... If anybody but you comes back...
+You do what he says, Harold.	After you come back I'll listen while you make some phone calls, tell a few friends you've got to leave for a week or two... You have to call another Vet about the animals. You tell him to come over and take good care of them starting tomorrow... no slip-ups on that. They got to be looked after...
+I don't think you have to worry much about Harold. He won't do anything.	That right?
+That right?	You can trust him...
+You can trust him...	How long have you been married?
+How long have you been married?	Two years.
+Two years.	Can he trust you?
+Can he trust you?	That's what matters, isn't it?
+Something ought to loosen him up ... how comes we're going to El Paso, Rudy?	I Just want to find a suitcase.
+What's the damage?	Collar bone is broken. No infection yet... the bandages should be changed twice a day.
+Collar bone is broken. No infection yet... the bandages should be changed twice a day.	I got a nurse in mind.
+I got a nurse in mind.	The glucose will begin working in half an hour. You'll feel better then...
+The glucose will begin working in half an hour. You'll feel better then...	The three of us are going to do some traveling. We're going to take your car to El Paso.
+The three of us are going to do some traveling. We're going to take your car to El Paso.	That's not possible. We can't leave here... we've got all this.
+I've got to stop.	I'll tell you when.
+Hello, Jack,  I don't know anything, Jack.	Yes, you do, Albert. Talk or I'll kill you.
+Yes, you do, Albert. Talk or I'll kill you.	I know. I know.
+You can't get away from me, Albert.	I know.
+I didn't know who Doreen was. Thought she was just another bird.	Did Eric Pake pull her?
+Did Eric Pake pull her?	Yes.
+Yes.	How?
+How?	I dunno. He's got his ways. He knows Margaret.
+I dunno. He's got his ways. He knows Margaret.	When did you find out?
+When did you find out?	A couple of weeks back.
+A couple of weeks back.	How?
+How?	No choice. I had a visit from somebody.
+No choice. I had a visit from somebody.	Who?
+Who?	Cliff Brumby. He'd seen the film. He wanted to meet Doreen.
+Cliff Brumby. He'd seen the film. He wanted to meet Doreen.	And you told Brumby?
+Do you want to be dead, Albert?	Last Sunday afternoon, Eric and two of his boys arrive with Frank and tell me that he's rumbled. Somehow, he's seen the film and was about to shoot his mouth off. They ask me for some whisky and start forcing it down his throat.  I thought they'd just duff him up a bit. Honest.
+Last Sunday afternoon, Eric and two of his boys arrive with Frank and tell me that he's rumbled. Somehow, he's seen the film and was about to shoot his mouth off. They ask me for some whisky and start forcing it down his throat.  I thought they'd just duff him up a bit. Honest.	What did you do?  Albert?
+What did you do?  Albert?	Nothing. What could I do?
+Nothing. What could I do?	Did Eric know that Frank was my brother?
+Did Eric know that Frank was my brother?	Yes. I told him.
+Yes. I told him.	What did he say?
+What did he say?	'Good.'
+You knew what I'd do.	Yes, but listen. Christ, I didn't kill him.
+What do you want?	What happened to this car?
+What happened to this car?	What's it got to do with you?
+What's it got to do with you?	This is my brother's car.
+This is my brother's car.	Oh ay?
+Oh ay?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Well, he drove it into the river.
+Well, he drove it into the river.	Was the steering faulty?
+What about the brakes?	Fine. Nowt wrong with them.
+Fine. Nowt wrong with them.	How'd it happen, then?
+How'd it happen, then?	He was drunk. Drunk as a lord.
+He was drunk. Drunk as a lord.	Was he?
+You know what the bloody time is!  It's two o'clock in the bloody morning!	I know.
+I know.	Well?
+I made a mistake.	What?
+What?	I made a mistake.
+I made a mistake.	What about?
+What about?	Never mind.
+Bloody well tell me who sent you.	You're a big man, but you're in bad shape. With me, it's a full- time job. Now behave yourself.
+A new venture of mine. It's going to be a restaurant.  Do you like it?	Yes.
+Yes.	Last night, after you'd gone, I did a little bit of asking around. Seeing as you weren't very forthcoming,  It seems that you are concerned about the death of your brother?  I got to thinking it would be nice if the bloke you were after was the same bloke I wanted off my back,  You know my life. Machines. The arcades. Nice business. Looks after itself. People put money in. I take it out. Not much rough stuff. It's a business that makes me very happy. But recently, I've had a spot of bother,  One of my lads gets a bit over- anxious and flogs some machines in a club that's already got some. The upshot is I've had to eat shit and stop flogging my machines to other clubs.  So far as I'm concerned, that's it. Apparently not. These people I've offended get the idea that it would be good to take over my whole outfit,  So I'm worried. I can't fight them — I haven't that kind of set-up. But I've got to fix them before they fix me. Trouble is, if I try and they find out, I'm dead.
+Five grand. It belongs to you. Along with a little name I'm going to give you.	What name?
+What name?	Kinnear. Cyril Kinnear.  Kinnear did it.
+Kinnear. Cyril Kinnear.  Kinnear did it.	Why?
+Why?	I don't know. All I know is that people were shitting bricks up at his place last Saturday. Your brother's name was mentioned. Next day, he was dead.
+I don't know. All I know is that people were shitting bricks up at his place last Saturday. Your brother's name was mentioned. Next day, he was dead.	Why?
+Why?	I don't know. That's all I was told.
+That's not good enough.	Christ, what...
+Christ, what...	Do me a favour. You don't really expect me to fix Kinnear on your say-so?  Just because they tried to get me on you last night, don't think you can pull the same trick. Stroll on.
+Do me a favour. You don't really expect me to fix Kinnear on your say-so?  Just because they tried to get me on you last night, don't think you can pull the same trick. Stroll on.	Jack, you're wrong.
+Jack, you're wrong.	Good afternoon, Mr Brumby. Carter exits.
+Good afternoon, Mr Brumby. Carter exits.	Jack...
+You shouldn't have shown the film to Frank.	I had to. It was the only way I could get at them.
+Jack?	Good evening.
+Good evening.	I'd like a word with you, Jack.
+I'd like a word with you, Jack.	That's nice.
+That's nice.	Confidential, like.
+Confidential, like.	You stay in the car. I'll come and listen.  What you want to tell me, Thorpey?
+Train goes at four minutes past twelve. You've just got time.	That's very kind of somebody. Who do I have to thank?  What happens if I miss the train?
+That's very kind of somebody. Who do I have to thank?  What happens if I miss the train?	I've been asked to make sure you don't.
+I've been asked to make sure you don't.	Oh, really. You're getting very optimistic in your old age, aren't you, Thorpey?
+Who paid you to see me off?	I can't Jack. How can I?
+I can't Jack. How can I?	Yes you can.
+No, don't Jack, don't.	Who sent you, Thorpey?
+Who sent you, Thorpey?	Brumby!
+Where's he living these days?	He's got a new place at Burnham.
+He's got a new place at Burnham.	Address?
+Address?	On the Durham Road. The Pantiles.
+Can I go now?	You must be joking,  Keep him away from the telephone. I'm going out for a bit.
+Everyhing go off all right?	Fine...  I want to talk to you.
+Fine...  I want to talk to you.	What about?
+What about?	Doreen.
+She's nothing to do with me.	What do you mean? You've been Frank's bird ever since her mother cleared off. You're closer to her than anyone.
+What do you mean? You've been Frank's bird ever since her mother cleared off. You're closer to her than anyone.	No. No. It's not like that. I've got a husband, you know.
+Hold it!   Hold it!  Who killed Frank, Margaret?	Killed?  I don't know anything about it.
+Really.	I must go. I'm in a hurry.
+I must go. I'm in a hurry.	I want to talk to you later.
+I want to talk to you later.	I can't.
+I can't.	Tomorrow morning, then?
+How were things between you and Frank?	He was all right to me.
+He was all right to me.	Nothing more? Just another feller?
+Nothing more? Just another feller?	Nicer than most.
+Nicer than most.	But he was just another feller, wasn't he?
+But he was just another feller, wasn't he?	Yes.
+Yes.	Though nicer than most?
+Though nicer than most?	Yes. I can't help the way I am.
+Yes. I can't help the way I am.	Why'd you see him so regular?
+Why'd you see him so regular?	Once a week?
+Once a week?	I call that regular.
+I call that regular.	He was gentlemanly. I like that.
+He was gentlemanly. I like that.	Once a week you like a gentleman?
+Once a week you like a gentleman?	Look, I'm me, right. You're not. We are what we are, like it or not.  Why all the bloody needle?
+Look, I'm me, right. You're not. We are what we are, like it or not.  Why all the bloody needle?	What was bugging Frank?
+What was bugging Frank?	He wanted me to leave Dave and marry him. Last Friday I told him it wouldn't work. Dave would have killed us both!  He followed me home and kicked up a stink in the street,  I had to tell Frank I couldn't see him any more. It was getting too dodgy. That was on Sunday.  He said he'd kill himself. I was frightened what you might do.
+I don't believe you, Margaret. Frank wasn't like that.  I'm the villain in the family, remember?	It's the truth.
+It is. Honestly.	You bloody whore. Frank was too careful to die like that. Who killed him?
+You bloody whore. Frank was too careful to die like that. Who killed him?	I don't know nothing.
+You know Sid Fletcher?	What?
+What?	You know Sid Fletcher?
+You know Sid Fletcher?	I work for him.
+I work for him.	Do you?
+Do you?	Yes, I do.
+I know him too.	Who?
+Who?	Sid Fletcher.
+Sid Fletcher.	Oh, do you?
+Oh, do you?	Yes.
+Yes.	No, do you really?
+Yes. I met him last year.	Go on.
+Go on.	Oh yes. When he came up on business.
+Oh yes. When he came up on business.	Really?
+Really?	He came to see Mr Kinnear.
+He came to see Mr Kinnear.	No.
+We went about together.	Really?
+Really?	Yes, while he was here.
+Yes, while he was here.	While he was here. You went about together?
+While he was here. You went about together?	He was here for four days.
+He was here for four days.	Was he?
+Was he?	Could you do me a favour?
+Could you do me a favour?	Yeah, I'll do you a favour.
+Yeah, I'll do you a favour.	Could you please put my glass on the table?
+You didn't know you had a fairy godmother, did you?	No. I didn't know that.
+No. I didn't know that.	A fairy godmother, all of your own. Aren't you lucky?
+A fairy godmother, all of your own. Aren't you lucky?	So where are we going, Princess?
+So where are we going, Princess?	To the demon king's castle, of course.
+To the demon king's castle, of course.	Of course. Where else?
+How'd you know where I'd be?	You were seen parking your car. The demon king waves his wand and I was dispatched to bring you to him. Lucky for you I waited.
+You were seen parking your car. The demon king waves his wand and I was dispatched to bring you to him. Lucky for you I waited.	Very lucky, I should think. You're drunk!
+Very lucky, I should think. You're drunk!	Nasty.
+Nasty.	He must have been pretty sure I'd come.
+He must have been pretty sure I'd come.	Oh, he was. He told me a magic spell that would make you come.
+Oh, he was. He told me a magic spell that would make you come.	And what was that?
+And what was that?	We're there now.
+Who's setting you up in this place?	Brumby.
+Brumby.	Is he coming here?
+Is he coming here?	Don't worry. He's meeting the architects at the restaurant.
+Aren't you scared Kinnear will find out?	He won't. He thinks I'm simple.
+What does he want that bloody great country place for?	Entertaining.
+Entertaining.	What kind of entertaining?
+What kind of entertaining?	Now you're asking.
+Does Brumby get a kick out of that crap?	Especially when I play the lead.
+That's why you waited for me.	Not entirely. No.
+Not entirely. No.	You sure about that?
+You sure about that?	Sure I'm sure.
+I want to give you an Oscar.	You've been watching the film.
+You've been watching the film.	Tell me about the girl.
+Tell me about the girl.	What girl?
+What girl?	The young girl. Who pulled her?
+The young girl. Who pulled her?	I don't know.
+I don't know.	Was it Albert?
+Was it Albert?	Shouldn't think so.
+Shouldn't think so.	Is it one of Kinnear's films?
+Is it one of Kinnear's films?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Who set it up?  Eric?
+Who set it up?  Eric?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Then he must have pulled her.
+Then he must have pulled her.	Expect so.
+Expect so.	Did my brother Frank find out?
+Did my brother Frank find out?	Your brother? What you talking about?
+Now tell me the truth.	The girl's name was Doreen. That's all I know.
+The girl's name was Doreen. That's all I know.	And you didn't know her last name?
+And you didn't know her last name?	No.
+No.	Well, it's Carter. That's my name,  And her father was my brother. And he was murdered last Sunday. Now get up and get dressed.
+We weren't sure where it was taking place, like.	Nice of you to come.
+Nice of you to come.	No. Frank was a good bloke.
+It's a bloody funny thing. You know a bloke for six bloody years and all the time he's as calm as gentle Jesus...  ...then he goes and does a thing like that.  It's a bloody funny thing.	Yeah. A bloody funny thing!
+Let her go. She'll be OK.  Sorry about that.	Don't worry. She's bound to be upset.
+Don't worry. She's bound to be upset.	Have another?
+Have another?	No. I'll be off now. I should be at work.
+Look, look.  Get your suit cleaned.	No. It's all right.
+No. It's all right.	Thanks for coming.
+Thanks for coming.	Frank was a good bloke. It's the least I could have done.
+Sorry about your father.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Tell me, Doreen, did the police say anything?
+Tell me, Doreen, did the police say anything?	They said he was drunk.
+How's school?	I left last year.
+I left last year.	Oh, what you doing now?
+Oh, what you doing now?	Working at Woolworths.
+Working at Woolworths.	That must be interesting.
+That must be interesting.	Yes.
+You all right now?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	You coming to South America?
+You coming to South America?	No.
+Where you going to live, then?	At me friend's house.
+At me friend's house.	Where's that?
+Where's that?	Wilton Estate.
+Wilton Estate.	Nice family, are they? Church-goers and all that?
+Good. I'm off tomorrow, so I don't suppose I'll see you again.  There. Go and get your hair done.	Thanks.
+I couldn't believe it when I heard. Carter is suddenly attentive.	What?
+What?	I mean, I was surprised when he didn't turn up for work.  He was always on time.
+I mean, I was surprised when he didn't turn up for work.  He was always on time.	Did you work with him, Keith?
+Did you work with him, Keith?	At the Half Moon.
+I mean, what for?	That's what I was wondering.
+That's what I was wondering.	Come off it. Frank was... well... straight. He had no worries I know. Hell, we worked together every day for a year. It would have showed.
+Come off it. Frank was... well... straight. He had no worries I know. Hell, we worked together every day for a year. It would have showed.	Why would it?
+Why would it?	It just would. He was always the same.
+It just would. He was always the same.	Since when did he drink whisky?
+Since when did he drink whisky?	Don't know.
+Don't know.	Nobody seems to know.
+You work here, Keith?	Yes.
+Keith, if anybody comes in here and asks for me, you let me know. Right?	Right.
+Right.	I'm at the Las Vegas. Behind the dance hall.  Do you know a man called Albert Swift?
+I'm at the Las Vegas. Behind the dance hall.  Do you know a man called Albert Swift?	Yeah. He comes in here a bit.
+Yeah. He comes in here a bit.	Where would I find him?
+Where would I find him?	Today? At the races. He always goes.
+How'd you know Albert?	Went to school with him.  He was leader of our gang. He'll know what's going on in this town.
+What you having, Jack?	Large Scotch.
+Heard of a man called Thorpe?	Old Thorpey? Haven't seen him in a long time.
+Old Thorpey? Haven't seen him in a long time.	That's what he was saying about you.
+Said he'd heard you were up in town. Wondered if I knew where you was staying. Wanted to look you up. Old time's sake.	That's nice. What'd you tell him?
+That's nice. What'd you tell him?	Nowt.
+Nowt.	Good lad.
+See you later.	Where you off to?
+Where you off to?	Las Vegas.
+Thorpey. They were waiting for us in the car park.	How many?
+How many?	Four of them.
+Ah, Edna, come in. Join the tea set.	Who's Brumby?
+Who's Brumby?	Cliff Brumby. Ever been to Westsea?
+Ever been into an arcade there and put a penny in the slot machine?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Ten to one, it belonged to Cliff Brumby, and like as not the bloody arcade as well. Right along the coast. Isn't that right, Thorpey?
+What happened to you, then?	How'd you find me?
+Did they give you a rough time?	No.  You bastard. You knew they'd come back.
+No.  You bastard. You knew they'd come back.	No, I didn't,  Does Albert Swift still live over the ferry?
+No, I didn't,  Does Albert Swift still live over the ferry?	Get knotted.
+Get knotted.	All right. All right. I want to square things with you first.
+All right. All right. I want to square things with you first.	Oh yes? How?
+Stuff it! My girl friend's coming from Liverpool tonight.  Nice surprise, isn't it?	I'm sorry. Here. This'll pay for a course in karate.
+I won't be using the room tonight.	I see.
+I see.	I'm staying with a friend.
+I'm staying with a friend.	Her husband docks tomorrow, does he?
+Her husband docks tomorrow, does he?	It's not like that, luv.
+It's not like that, luv.	It never is.
+Are you a traveller?	Definitely.
+Definitely.	Will this do?
+Will this do?	Very nice.  I'll pay you for tonight as well.
+Very nice.  I'll pay you for tonight as well.	Don't be bloody silly. You're the first since Monday.
+Don't be bloody silly. You're the first since Monday.	You sure?
+Ta.	I'll bet this one's seen some action.
+What is it?	My brother, Frank.
+My brother, Frank.	Is he staying the night?
+Is he staying the night?	Funny.  Can I phone London?
+Funny.  Can I phone London?	It'll cost you.
+What the bloody hell do you think you're at?	I'm sorry.
+I'm sorry.	You don't look it.
+You don't look it.	No. Really, I am.
+No. Really, I am.	Don't come that bloody flannel with me. If you're a traveller, I'm bloody Twiggy.  And who's he?
+Inside? Why should I give house- room to your sort?	Up the stairs, Keith. The door on the right.
+And what you going to do?	Make us a nice cup of tea and I'll tell you. I might even let you watch.
+Make us a nice cup of tea and I'll tell you. I might even let you watch.	I'll call the police.
+I'll call the police.	No, you won't.
+Suppose you tell me what the bloody hell's going on. It's my house, you know.	Yes, Edna, and I must say you've been great about the ...
+Yes, Edna, and I must say you've been great about the ...	Stick the soft soap. Let's be having it.
+Now just a minute...	Ta-ra.
+You sod.	They came back?
+They came back?	No.
+What'll they do to him?	Don't ask me.
+They bloody hurt me.	You're lucky. They kill as well.
+You're lucky. They kill as well.	And what about you? Did you kill Brumby?
+Thorpey nearly died laughing.	That little shit!
+That little shit!	What about Keith?
+What about Keith?	What about Keith?
+What about Keith?	What you going to do?
+What you going to do?	Pension him off.
+Pension him off.	You're a bastard.
+You're a bastard.	What am I supposed to do?  I don't know where they've taken him. Do you?
+So shut up.	What's that gun doing in your room? Suppose I phoned the police and told them there's a bloke staying in my hotel who's planning to shoot somebody?
+What's that gun doing in your room? Suppose I phoned the police and told them there's a bloke staying in my hotel who's planning to shoot somebody?	You wouldn't.
+You wouldn't.	How'd you know I wouldn't?
+How'd you know I wouldn't?	'Cos I know you wear purple underwear.
+'Cos I know you wear purple underwear.	What's that supposed to mean?
+What's that supposed to mean?	Think about it.
+Are you awake?	No.
+No.	Do you want breakfast?
+Do you want breakfast?	You must be joking. I never eat breakfast,  Did you sleep well?
+You must be joking. I never eat breakfast,  Did you sleep well?	Uh-huh.
+Did you sleep well?	Yes, thank you.
+Are you tired?	No. Are you tired?
+No. Are you tired?	No. I'm not tired,  Do you eat breakfast?
+Do us a favour?	What, and get myself beaten up again?
+What, and get myself beaten up again?	No chance of that.
+No chance of that.	Not much.
+Not much.	They're friends of mine.
+They're friends of mine.	And that'll make me feel better?
+And that'll make me feel better?	I don't want to get rough, do I?
+What you going to do?	I'm going to sit in the car and whistle 'Rule, Britannia'.
+You coming back?	How could I stay away?
+Is he?	Jack Carter.
+Jack Carter.	Eric. Eric Paice.
+Eric. Eric Paice.	What you doing around here then?
+What you doing around here then?	Didn't you know this is my home town?
+Didn't you know this is my home town?	No, I didn't know that.
+No, I didn't know that.	Funny, that.
+Thanks. So what're you doing? On your holidays?	No. I'm visiting relatives.
+No. I'm visiting relatives.	Oh, that's nice.
+Oh, that's nice.	It would be. If they were still living.
+It would be. If they were still living.	Meaning what?
+Meaning what?	A bereavement. A death in the family.
+A bereavement. A death in the family.	Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
+Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.	That's all right, Eric.
+Well, well. Small world, isn't it?	Very...  So, who you working for these days Eric?
+Very...  So, who you working for these days Eric?	Oh, I'm straight.  Respectable.
+Oh, I'm straight.  Respectable.	What are you doing? Advertising Martini?
+What are you doing? Advertising Martini?	Oh, you've been watching television.
+Oh, you've been watching television.	Yeah,  Come off it, Eric. Who is it?
+What's it to you anyway?	I've always ad your welfare at heart, Eric. Besides which, I'm nosy.
+I've always ad your welfare at heart, Eric. Besides which, I'm nosy.	That's not always a healthy way to be...
+That's not always a healthy way to be...	And you should know, if I remember rightly.
+So you're doing all right then, Eric. You're making good.	Making a living.
+Making a living.	Good prospects for advancement, is there? A pension?  Do you know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes looked like.
+They're still the same. Piss holes in the snow.	Still got a sense of humour?
+Still got a sense of humour?	Yes, I retained that, Eric.  Do you know a man called Albert Swift, Eric?
+Yes, I retained that, Eric.  Do you know a man called Albert Swift, Eric?	Can't say I do.
+Jack! I didn't like that.	You should have told me who you were working for.
+You should have told me who you were working for.	Cyril didn't like it, either.
+Cyril didn't like it, either.	Oh, Cyril, eh? So it's all girls together, is it?
+Oh, Cyril, eh? So it's all girls together, is it?	He's thinking Sid and Gerald won't like it much when they hear you've been sticking your nose in.
+You're finished, Jack. You know that, don't you? I've bloody finished you.	Not till I'm dead, Eric.
+You couldn't win an egg and spoon race, Eric.	Sod off.
+Eh? Have a drink.	Still got your sense of humour.
+Yes, I can see your problem, Mr Kinnear.	Sit down, Jack,  I could weep. I really could. Sometimes I think I'll retire. Just piss off to the Bahamas and let somebody else employ them,  Glenda, get Jack a drink. What is it, Jack?
+Sit down, Jack,  I could weep. I really could. Sometimes I think I'll retire. Just piss off to the Bahamas and let somebody else employ them,  Glenda, get Jack a drink. What is it, Jack?	Scotch, please.
+Scotch, please.	Piss off, Ray.
+Eric told me of your bereavement.	Yep.
+Yep.	Do you know, I never knew he worked in one of my places!
+Do you know, I never knew he worked in one of my places!	No? Funny that. Neither did I.
+No? Funny that. Neither did I.	If I'd known, I'd have fixed him up with something better.
+If I'd known, I'd have fixed him up with something better.	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Nasty way to go.
+Nasty way to go.	Yes.
+Not going, Jack?	I have to. Things to see to.
+I have to. Things to see to.	Of course, of course. Well, any time, just drop by.
+Of course, of course. Well, any time, just drop by.	Yeah, I'll do that.  Told you it wouldn't take long, didn't I?
+Gerald phoned us in the middle of the night, said he'd heard you've been making a nuisance of yourself.	We've got to take you back to London.
+We've got to take you back to London.	He said it'd be doing him a big favour.
+We know why you're all steamed up, and so do Gerald and Sid.	But they have to be diplomatic.
+Put it away, Jack. You know you won't use it.	The gun he means.
+Gerald wants to see him first.	Shut up.
+Bollock naked with his socks still on?	They do that up North.
+They do that up North.	What for? Protective purposes?
+Ask me?	Ask Jack. It's his old stamping ground.
+Not suede boots!	Knock it off, Gerald.
+Knock it off, Gerald.	What? And get the clap?
+Are we here to play cards or talk about the old days?	Harry! Jack, I don't want to be rude, but these men have brought a lot of money with them. Glenda, you don't offer a man like Jack a drink in those piddling little glasses.  Give him the bloody bottle.  Now, where are we?
+Oh... I think I'll stay as I am.	You're bluffing, you bastard!
+You're bluffing, you bastard!	That's what you pay to find out. Right, Jack?
+What's that? A hundred?	That's right, Harry.
+That's right, Harry.	Your hundred, and another hundred.
+What's that?	That, Harry? That's another hundred - twenty-five pounds notes of the realm.
+That, Harry? That's another hundred - twenty-five pounds notes of the realm.	Three hundred altogether?
+Three hundred altogether?	Three hundred altogether, Harry.
+All right. Two hundred.	Ha.
+What's that?	That's six hundred pounds, Harry. Two hundred to follow you, and I've raised it four hundred.
+Four hundred?	That's right.
+That's right.	You're not seeing me?
+You're not seeing me?	No.
+I'll see you, then.	Calling my bluff, are you, Harry?
+How about that, Jack?  Old Harry thought I was having him on.	Shut up.
+Polacks and deadbeats.	...Polacks...
+...Polacks...	Deadbeats all.
+Deadbeats all.	...they hold on to their money...
+...they hold on to their money...	All of 'em.  They, hey: it happens to us all.
+All of 'em.  They, hey: it happens to us all.	Where am I going to work?
+You have to cheer up, George, you aren't out yet.	I'm not?
+I'm not?	You missed a fucking sale.  Big deal.  A deadbeat Polack.  Big deal. How you going to sell 'em in the first place...?  Your mistake, you shoun'a took the lead.
+You missed a fucking sale.  Big deal.  A deadbeat Polack.  Big deal. How you going to sell 'em in the first place...?  Your mistake, you shoun'a took the lead.	I had to.
+I had to.	You had to, yeah.  Why?
+You had to, yeah.  Why?	To get on the...
+To get on the...	To get on the board.  Yeah.  How you goan'a get on the board sell'n a Polack?  And I'll tell you, I'll tell you what else.  You listening? I'll tell you what else: don't ever try to sell an Indian.
+To get on the board.  Yeah.  How you goan'a get on the board sell'n a Polack?  And I'll tell you, I'll tell you what else.  You listening? I'll tell you what else: don't ever try to sell an Indian.	I'd never try to sell an Indian.
+I'd never try to sell an Indian.	"You get those names come up, you ever get 'em, ""Patel?"""
+"You get those names come up, you ever get 'em, ""Patel?"""	Mmm...
+Mmm...	You ever get 'em?
+You ever get 'em?	Well, I think I had one once.
+Well, I think I had one once.	You did?
+You did?	I...I don't know.
+"You had one you'd know it.  Patel. They keep coming up.  I don't know. They like to talk to salesmen.  They're lonely, something.  They like to feel superior, I don't know.  Never bought a fucking thing. You're sitting down ""The Rio Rancho this, the blah blah blah,"" ""The Mountain View--"" ""Oh yes.  My brother told me that..."" They got a grapevine.  Fuckin' Indians, George. Not my cup of tea.  Speaking of which I want to tell you something:  I never got a cup of tea with them. You see them in the restaurants.  A supercilious race.  What is this look on their face all the time?  I don't know.  I don't know.  Their broads all look like they just got fucked with a dead cat, I don't know.  I don't know.  I don't like it. Christ..."	What?
+What?	"The whole fuckin' thing...The pressure's just too great.  You're ab...you're absolu...they're too important.  All of them.  You go in the door.  I...""I got to close this fucker, or I don't eat lunch,"" ""or I don't win the Cadillac..."" We fuckin' work too hard.  You work too hard.  We all, I remember when we were at Platt...huh?  Glen Ross Farms... didn't we sell a bunch of that..."""
+"The whole fuckin' thing...The pressure's just too great.  You're ab...you're absolu...they're too important.  All of them.  You go in the door.  I...""I got to close this fucker, or I don't eat lunch,"" ""or I don't win the Cadillac..."" We fuckin' work too hard.  You work too hard.  We all, I remember when we were at Platt...huh?  Glen Ross Farms... didn't we sell a bunch of that..."""	They came in and they, you know...
+They came in and they, you know...	Well, they fucked it up.
+They did.	They killed the goose.
+They killed the goose.	They did.
+They did.	And now...
+And now...	We're stuck with this...
+We're stuck with this...	We're stuck with this fucking shit...
+We're stuck with this fucking shit...	...this shit...
+...this shit...	It's too...
+It's too...	It is.
+It is.	Eh?
+Eh?	It's too...
+It's too...	You get a bad month, all of a...
+You get a bad month, all of a...	You're on this...
+You're on this...	"All of, they got you on this ""board..."""
+"All of, they got you on this ""board..."""	I, I...I...
+I, I...I...	Some contest board...
+Some contest board...	I...
+I...	It's not right.
+It's not.	No.
+And it's not right to the customers.	I know it's not.  I'll tell you, you got, you know, you got...what did I learn as a kid on Western? Don't sell a guy one car.  Sell him five cars over fifteen years.
+I know it's not.  I'll tell you, you got, you know, you got...what did I learn as a kid on Western? Don't sell a guy one car.  Sell him five cars over fifteen years.	That's right?
+That's right?	Eh...?
+Eh...?	That's right?
+That's right?	"Goddamn right, that's right.  Guys come on: ""Oh, the blah blah blah, I know what I'll do: I'll go in and rob everyone blind and go to Argentina cause nobody ever thought of this before."""
+"Goddamn right, that's right.  Guys come on: ""Oh, the blah blah blah, I know what I'll do: I'll go in and rob everyone blind and go to Argentina cause nobody ever thought of this before."""	...that's right...
+...that's right...	Eh?
+Eh?	No.  That's absolutely right.
+No.  That's absolutely right.	And so they kill the goose.  I, I, I'll...and a fuckin' man, worked all his life has got to...
+And so they kill the goose.  I, I, I'll...and a fuckin' man, worked all his life has got to...	...that's right...
+...that's right...	...cower in his boots...
+Shoes, boots, yes...	"For some fuckin' ""Sell ten thousand and you win the steak knives..."""
+"For some fuckin' ""Sell ten thousand and you win the steak knives..."""	For some sales pro...
+For some sales pro...	"...sales promotion, ""You lose, then we fire your..."" No.  It's medieval... it's wrong. ""Or we're going to fire your ass."" It's wrong."
+"...sales promotion, ""You lose, then we fire your..."" No.  It's medieval... it's wrong. ""Or we're going to fire your ass."" It's wrong."	Yes.
+Yes.	Yes, it is.  And you know who's responsible?
+Yes, it is.  And you know who's responsible?	Who?
+Who?	You know who it is.  It's Mitch. And Murray.  'Cause it doesn't have to be this way.
+You know who it is.  It's Mitch. And Murray.  'Cause it doesn't have to be this way.	No.
+No.	"Look at Jerry Graff.  He's clean, he's doing business for himself, he's got his, that list of his with the nurses...see?  You see?  That's thinking.  Why take ten percent?  A ten percent comm...why are we giving the rest away?  What are we giving ninety per...for nothing. For some jerk sit in the office tell you ""Get out there and close."" ""Go win the Cadillac."" Graff.  He goes out and buys.  He pays top dollar for the... you see?"
+"Look at Jerry Graff.  He's clean, he's doing business for himself, he's got his, that list of his with the nurses...see?  You see?  That's thinking.  Why take ten percent?  A ten percent comm...why are we giving the rest away?  What are we giving ninety per...for nothing. For some jerk sit in the office tell you ""Get out there and close."" ""Go win the Cadillac."" Graff.  He goes out and buys.  He pays top dollar for the... you see?"	Yes.
+"That's thinking.  Now, he's got the leads, he goes in business for himself.  He's...that's what I... that's thinking! ""Who?  Who's got a steady job, a couple bucks nobody's touched, who?"""	Nurses.
+Nurses.	So Graff buys a fucking list of nurses, one grand--if he paid two I'll eat my hat--four, five thousand nurses, and he's going wild...
+So Graff buys a fucking list of nurses, one grand--if he paid two I'll eat my hat--four, five thousand nurses, and he's going wild...	He is?
+He is?	He's doing very well.
+He's doing very well.	I heard that they were running cold.
+I heard that they were running cold.	The nurses?
+The nurses?	Yes.
+Yes.	You hear a lot of things...He's doing very well.  He's doing very well.
+You hear a lot of things...He's doing very well.  He's doing very well.	With River Oaks?
+With River Oaks?	River Oaks, Brook Farms.  All of that shit.  Somebody told me, you know what he's clearing himself? Fourteen, fifteen grand a week.
+River Oaks, Brook Farms.  All of that shit.  Somebody told me, you know what he's clearing himself? Fourteen, fifteen grand a week.	Himself?
+That's what I'm saying.  Why?  The leads.  He's got the good leads... what are we, we're sitting in the shit here.  Why?  We have to go to them to get them.  Huh.  Ninety percent our sale, we're paying to the office for the leads.	The leads, the overhead, the telephones, there's lots of things.
+The leads, the overhead, the telephones, there's lots of things.	"What do you need? A telephone, some broad to say ""Good morning,"" nothing...nothing..."
+"What do you need? A telephone, some broad to say ""Good morning,"" nothing...nothing..."	No, it's not that simple, Dave...
+No, it's not that simple, Dave...	Yes.  It is.  It is simple, and you know what the hard part is?
+Yes.  It is.  It is simple, and you know what the hard part is?	What?
+What?	Starting up.
+Starting up.	What hard part?
+What hard part?	Of doing the thing.  The dif...the difference.  Between me and Jerry Graff.  Going to business for yourself.  The hard part is...you know what it is?
+Of doing the thing.  The dif...the difference.  Between me and Jerry Graff.  Going to business for yourself.  The hard part is...you know what it is?	What?
+What?	Just the act.
+Just the act.	What act?
+"To say ""I'm going on my own."" 'Cause what you do, George, let me tell you what you do: you find yourself in thrall to someone else. And we enslave ourselves.  To please.  To win some fucking toaster...to...to... and the guy who got there first made up those..."	That's right...
+That's right...	He made up those rules, and we're working for him.
+He made up those rules, and we're working for him.	That's the truth...
+That's the truth...	"That's the God's truth.  And it gets me depressed.  I swear that it does.  At MY AGE.  To see a goddamn: ""Somebody wins the Cadillac this month.  P.S. Two guys get fucked."""
+"That's the God's truth.  And it gets me depressed.  I swear that it does.  At MY AGE.  To see a goddamn: ""Somebody wins the Cadillac this month.  P.S. Two guys get fucked."""	Huh.
+Huh.	You don't ax your sales force.
+You don't ax your sales force.	No.
+No.	You...
+You...	You...
+You...	You build it!
+You build it!	That's what I...
+That's what I...	You fucking build it!  Men come...
+You fucking build it!  Men come...	Men come work for you...
+...you're absolutely right.	They...
+They...	They have...
+They have...	When they...
+When they...	Look look look look, when they build your business, then you can't fucking turn around, enslave them, treat them like children, fuck them up the ass, leave them to fend for themselves... no.  No.  You're absolutely right, and I want to tell you something.
+Look look look look, when they build your business, then you can't fucking turn around, enslave them, treat them like children, fuck them up the ass, leave them to fend for themselves... no.  No.  You're absolutely right, and I want to tell you something.	What?
+What?	I want to tell you what somebody should do.
+I want to tell you what somebody should do.	What?
+What?	Someone should stand up and strike back.
+Someone should stand up and strike back.	What do you mean?
+What do you mean?	Somebody...
+Somebody...	Yes...?
+Yes...?	Should do something to them.
+Should do something to them.	What?
+Something.  To pay them back.  Someone, someone should hurt them. Murray and Mitch.	Someone should hurt them.
+Someone should hurt them.	Yes.
+Yes.	How?
+How?	How?  Do something to hurt them. Where they live.
+How?  Do something to hurt them. Where they live.	What?
+Someone should rob the office.	Huh.
+Huh.	That's what I'm saying.  We were, if we were that kind of guys, to knock it off, and trash the joint, it looks like robbery, and take the fuckin' leads out of the files...go to Jerry Graff.
+What could somebody get for them?	What could we get for them?  I don't know.  Buck a throw...buck-a- half a throw...I don't know...Hey, who knows what they're worth, what do they pay for them?  All told...must be, I'd... three bucks a throw...I don't know.
+How many leads have we got?	The Glengarry...the premium leads...? I'd say we got five thousand.  Five. Five thousand leads.
+The Glengarry...the premium leads...? I'd say we got five thousand.  Five. Five thousand leads.	And you're saying a fella could take and sell these leads to Jerry Graff.
+And you're saying a fella could take and sell these leads to Jerry Graff.	Yes.
+Yes.	How do you know he'd buy them?
+How do you know he'd buy them?	Graff?  Because I worked for him.
+Graff?  Because I worked for him.	You haven't talked to him.
+You haven't talked to him.	No.  What do you mean?  Have I talked to him about this?
+Yes.  I mean are you actually talking about this, or are we just...	No, we're just...
+No, we're just...	"We're just ""talking"" about it."
+"We're just ""talking"" about it."	We're just speaking about it.  As an idea.
+We're just speaking about it.  As an idea.	As an idea.
+As an idea.	Yes.
+Yes.	We're not actually talking about it.
+No.	Talking about it as a...
+Talking about it as a...	No.
+No.	As a robbery.
+As a robbery.	"As a ""robbery""?!  No."
+"As a ""robbery""?!  No."	Well.  Well...
+Well.  Well...	Hey.
+So all this, um, you didn't, actually, you didn't go talk to Graff.	Not actually, no.
+You didn't?	No.  Not actually.
+No.  Not actually.	Did you?
+Did you?	What did you say?
+What did you say?	"Yes.  I said, ""Not actually."" The fuck you care, George?  We're just talking..."
+"Yes.  I said, ""Not actually."" The fuck you care, George?  We're just talking..."	We are?
+Because, because, you know, it's a crime.	That's right.  It's a crime.  It is a crime.  It's also very safe.
+That's right.  It's a crime.  It is a crime.  It's also very safe.	You're actually talking about this?
+You're actually talking about this?	That's right.
+You're going to steal the leads?	Have I said that?
+Did I say that?	Did you talk to Graff?
+Did you talk to Graff?	Is that what I said?
+Is that what I said?	What did he say?
+What did he say?	What did he say?  He'd buy them.
+Yes.	What will he pay?
+What will he pay?	A buck a shot.
+A buck a shot.	For five thousand?
+For five thousand?	However they are, that's the deal. A buck a throw.  Five thousand dollars.  Split it half and half.
+However they are, that's the deal. A buck a throw.  Five thousand dollars.  Split it half and half.	"You're saying ""me."""
+"You're saying ""me."""	Yes.  Twenty-five hundred apiece.  One night's work, and the job with Graff.  Working the premium leads.
+A job with Graff.	Is that what I said?
+Is that what I said?	He'd give me a job.
+He'd give me a job.	He would take you on.  Yes.
+Yes.  It is, George.  Yes.  It's a big decision.  And it's a big reward.  It's a big reward.  For one night's work.  But it's got to be tonight.	What?
+What?	What?  What?  The leads.
+What?  What?  The leads.	You have to steal the leads tonight?
+You have to steal the leads tonight?	That's right, the guys are moving them downtown.  After the thirtieth. Murray and Mitch.  After the contest.
+That's right, the guys are moving them downtown.  After the thirtieth. Murray and Mitch.  After the contest.	You're, you're saying so you have to go in there tonight and...
+You're, you're saying so you have to go in there tonight and...	You...
+You...	I'm sorry?
+I'm sorry?	You.
+Me?	You have to go in.  You have to get the leads.
+Yes.	I...
+I...	"It's not something for nothing, George, I took you in on this, you have to go.  That's your thing. I've made the deal with Graff.  I can't go.  I can't go in, I've spoken on this too much.  I've got a big mouth.  ""The fucking leads"" et cetera, blah blah blah ""...the fucking tight ass company..."""
+"It's not something for nothing, George, I took you in on this, you have to go.  That's your thing. I've made the deal with Graff.  I can't go.  I can't go in, I've spoken on this too much.  I've got a big mouth.  ""The fucking leads"" et cetera, blah blah blah ""...the fucking tight ass company..."""	They'll know when you go over to Graff...
+They'll know when you go over to Graff...	What will they know?  That I stole the leads?  I didn't steal the leads, I'm going to the movies tonight with a friend, and then I'm going to the Como Inn.  Why did I go to Graff?  I got a better deal. Period.  Let 'em prove something. They can't prove anything that's not the case.
+Dave.	Yes.
+Yes.	You want me to break into the office tonight and steal the leads?
+You want me to break into the office tonight and steal the leads?	Yes.
+Oh, yes, George.	What does that mean?
+What does that mean?	Listen to this.  I have an alibi, I'm going to the Como Inn, why? Why?  The place gets robbed, they're going to come looking for me.  Why?  Because I probably did it.  Are you going to turn me in?  George?  Are you going to turn me in?
+Listen to this.  I have an alibi, I'm going to the Como Inn, why? Why?  The place gets robbed, they're going to come looking for me.  Why?  Because I probably did it.  Are you going to turn me in?  George?  Are you going to turn me in?	What if you don't get caught?
+What if you don't get caught?	They come to you, you going to turn me in?
+They come to you, you going to turn me in?	Why would they come to me?
+Why would they come to me?	They're going to come to everyone.
+They're going to come to everyone.	Why would I do it?
+Why would I do it?	You wouldn't, George, that's why I'm talking to you.  Answer me. They come to you.  You going to turn me in?
+You wouldn't, George, that's why I'm talking to you.  Answer me. They come to you.  You going to turn me in?	No.
+No.	Are you sure?
+Are you sure?	Yes.  I'm sure.
+Yes.  I'm sure.	Then listen to this: I have to get those leads tonight.  That's something I have to do.  If I'm not at the movies...if I'm not eating over at the inn...If you don't do this, then I have to come in here...
+...you don't have to come in...	...and rob the place...
+...and rob the place...	...I thought that we were only talking...
+...I thought that we were only talking...	...they take me, then.  They're going to ask me who were my accomplices.
+...they take me, then.  They're going to ask me who were my accomplices.	Me?
+Me?	Absolutely.
+Absolutely.	That's ridiculous.
+That's ridiculous.	Well, to the law, you're an accessory.  Before the fact.
+Well, to the law, you're an accessory.  Before the fact.	I didn't ask to be.
+I didn't ask to be.	Then tough luck, George, because you are.
+Then tough luck, George, because you are.	Why?  Why, because you only told me about it?
+Why?  Why, because you only told me about it?	That's right.
+That's right.	Why are you doing this to me, Dave. Why are you talking this way to me? I don't understand.  Why are you doing this at all...?
+Why are you doing this to me, Dave. Why are you talking this way to me? I don't understand.  Why are you doing this at all...?	That's none of your fucking business...
+Well, well, well, talk to me, we sat down to eat dinner, and here I'm a criminal...	You went for it.
+You went for it.	In the abstract...
+In the abstract...	So I'm making it concrete.
+So I'm making it concrete.	Why?
+Why?	Why?  Why you going to give me five grand?
+Why?  Why you going to give me five grand?	Do you need five grand?
+Do you need five grand?	Is that what I just said?
+Is that what I just said?	You need money?  Is that the...
+You need money?  Is that the...	Hey, hey, let's just keep it simple, what I need is not the...what do you need...?
+Hey, hey, let's just keep it simple, what I need is not the...what do you need...?	What is the five grand?  What is the, you said that we were going to split five...
+What is the five grand?  What is the, you said that we were going to split five...	I lied.  Alright?  My end is my business. Your end's twenty-five.  In or out. You tell me, you're out you take the consequences.
+I lied.  Alright?  My end is my business. Your end's twenty-five.  In or out. You tell me, you're out you take the consequences.	I do?
+I do?	Yes.
+And why is that?	Because you listened.
+Can we get some coffee...?	How ya doing?
+Fine.	Uh-huh.
+Uh-huh.	If anyone's going, I could use some coffee.
+I, you know, they should be insured.	What do you care...?
+Then, you know, they wouldn't be so ups...	Yeah.  That's swell.  Yes.  You're right.  How are you?
+Yeah.  That's swell.  Yes.  You're right.  How are you?	I'm fine.  You mean the board?  You mean the board...?
+I'm fine.  You mean the board?  You mean the board...?	I don't...yes.  Okay, the board.
+I don't...yes.  Okay, the board.	I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm fucked on the board.  You.  You see how...I...  I can't...my mind must be in other places. 'Cause I can't do any...
+I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm fucked on the board.  You.  You see how...I...  I can't...my mind must be in other places. 'Cause I can't do any...	What?  You can't do any what?
+I can't close 'em.	Well, they're old.  I saw the shit that they were giving you.
+Well, they're old.  I saw the shit that they were giving you.	Yes.
+Yes.	Huh?
+Huh?	Yes.  They are old.
+Yes.  They are old.	They're ancient.
+They're ancient.	Clear...
+Clear...	Clear Meadows.  That shit's dead.
+It is dead.	It's a waste of time.
+It's a waste of time.	Yes.  I'm no fucking good.
+Yes.  I'm no fucking good.	That's...
+That's...	Everything I...you know...
+Everything I...you know...	That's not...Fuck that shit, George. You're a, hey, you had a bad month. You're a good man, George.
+That's not...Fuck that shit, George. You're a, hey, you had a bad month. You're a good man, George.	I am?
+I am?	You hit a bad streak.  We've all... look at this: fifteen units Mountain View, the fucking things get stole.
+You hit a bad streak.  We've all... look at this: fifteen units Mountain View, the fucking things get stole.	He said he filed...
+He said he filed...	He filed half of them, he filed the big one.  All the little ones, I have, I have to go back and...ah, fuck, I got to go out like a fucking schmuck hat in my hand and reclose the...  I mean, talk about a bad streak. That would sap anyone's self confi... I got to go out and reclose all my... Where's the phones?
+He filed half of them, he filed the big one.  All the little ones, I have, I have to go back and...ah, fuck, I got to go out like a fucking schmuck hat in my hand and reclose the...  I mean, talk about a bad streak. That would sap anyone's self confi... I got to go out and reclose all my... Where's the phones?	They stole...
+They stole...	They stole the...
+What.  What kind of outfit are we running where...where anyone...	They stole the phones.
+They stole the phones.	Where criminals can come in here... they take the...
+Where criminals can come in here... they take the...	They stole the phones.  They stole the leads.  They're...Christ.  What am I going to do this month? Oh, shit...
+You think they're going to catch... where are you going?	Down the street.
+Were the leads...	...what am I going to do all month...
+...what am I going to do all month...	Were the leads insured?
+He said we're all going to have to go talk to the guy.	What?
+He said we...	To the cops?
+To the cops?	Yeah.
+Yeah.	Yeah.  That's swell.  Another waste of time.
+Yeah.  That's swell.  Another waste of time.	A waste of time?  Why?
+A waste of time?  Why?	Why? 'Cause they aren't going to find the guy.
+Why? 'Cause they aren't going to find the guy.	The cops?
+The cops?	Yes.  The cops.  No.
+Yes.  The cops.  No.	They aren't?
+They aren't?	No.
+No.	Why don't you think so?
+Why don't you think so?	"Why?  Because they're stupid. ""Where were you last night..."""
+"Why?  Because they're stupid. ""Where were you last night..."""	Where were you?
+Where were you?	Where was I?
+Where was I?	Yes.
+Yes.	I was at home, where were you?
+I was at home, where were you?	At home.
+See...?  Were you the guy who broke in?	Was I?
+Was I?	Yes.
+Yes.	No.
+No.	Then don't sweat it, George, you know why?
+Then don't sweat it, George, you know why?	No.
+No.	You have nothing to hide.
+You have nothing to hide.	When I talk to the police, I get nervous.
+When I talk to the police, I get nervous.	Yeah.  You know who doesn't?
+Yeah.  You know who doesn't?	No, who?
+No, who?	Thieves.
+Thieves.	Why?
+Why?	They're inured to it.
+They're inured to it.	You think so?
+You think so?	Yes.
+Will you excuse...	Where did Moss...?  I...
+Where did Moss...?  I...	Will you excuse us please?
+Will you excuse us please?	Uh, uh, did he go to the restaurant?  I...I...
+Did they...?	You understand?
+You understand?	Did they catch...?
+Did they catch...?	Do you understand?  My stuff is mine, his stuff is ours.  I'm taking half of his commissions-- now, you work it out.
+Did the leads come in yet?	No.
+No.	Oh, God, I hate this job.
+Oh, God, I hate this job.	I'll be at the restaurant.
+Read it. Bruce and Harriett Nyborg. What happened here? Fuck. I had them on River Glen. +Shelly, the Machine, Levene. You... +You... That's great. +That's great. Thank you, George. +Wh...wh...Wha...? We had a robbery. +...how can you talk to me that... that... Rick, I'm going to flag a cab. +Rick, I'm going to flag a cab. I didn't rob... +Who used to say that? In school. +I, um, and may...maybe they're in... they're in...you should, John, if we're ins... I'm sure that we're insured, George... +I don't know, George, why? 'Cause, you know, 'cause they weren't, I know that Mitch and Murray uh... +What? That they're going to be upset. +That they're going to be upset. That's right. You want to go out today...? +Shelly: get in the office. "I didn't...why should I...""Where were you last..."" Is anybody listening to me...? Where's Moss...? Where...?" +...Come in here...I work here, I don't come in here to be mistreated... Go to lunch, will you... +Go to lunch, will you... I want to work today, that's why I came... +I want to work today, that's why I came... The leads come in, I'll let... +The leads come in, I'll let... ...that's why I came in. I thought I... +...that's why I came in. I thought I... Just go to lunch. +Just go to lunch. I don't want to go to lunch. +I don't want to go to lunch. Go to lunch, George. +Go to lunch, George. Where does he get off to talk that way to a working man? It's not... +Where does he get off to talk that way to a working man? It's not... Will you take it outside, we have people trying to do business here... +Will you take it outside, we have people trying to do business here... That's what, that's what, that's what I was trying to do. That's why I came in...I meet gestapo tac... +That's what, that's what, that's what I was trying to do. That's why I came in...I meet gestapo tac... Excuse me... +"I meet gestapo tactics...I meet gestapo tactics...That's not right... No man has the right to...""Call an attorney,"" that means you're guilt... you're under sus...""Co...,"" he says, ""cooperate"" or we'll go downtown. That's not...as long as I've..." Will you get out of here. Will you get out of here. Will you. I'm trying to run an office here. Will you go to lunch? Go to lunch. Will you go to lunch? +Mmm. Did they find the guy who broke into the office yet? +Williamson...Williamson, they stole the contracts...? Excuse me, sir... +Excuse me, sir... Did they get my contracts? +Excuse me, fella. ...did they... +...did they... Would you excuse us, please...? +Would you excuse us, please...? Don't fuck with me, fella. I'm talking about a fuckin' Cadillac car that you owe me... +Oh, fuck. Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK! WILLIAMSON!!! WILLIAMSON!!! OPEN THE FUCKING...WILLIAMSON... Who are you? +Who told you...? Who told me wh...? You've got a fuckin', you've...a...who is this...? You've got a board-up on the window...Moss told me. +Who told me wh...? You've got a fuckin', you've...a...who is this...? You've got a board-up on the window...Moss told me. Moss...Who told him? +Moss...Who told him? How the fuck do I know? What...talk to me. +And I don't want any fucking shit and I don't give a shit, Lingk puts me over the top, you filed it, that's fine, any other shit kicks out you go back. You...you reclose it, 'cause I closed it and you...you owe me the car. Would you excuse us, please. +Fuck insured. You owe me a car. Please don't leave. I'm going to talk to you. What's your name? +Please don't leave. I'm going to talk to you. What's your name? Are you talking to me? +Aaronow... They took the typewriters, they took the leads, they took the cash, they took the contracts... +Listen to me, the statute, it's for your protection. I have no complaints with that, in fact, I was a member of the board when we drafted it, so quite the opposite. It says that you can change your mind three working days from the time the deal is closed. Levene! +Levene! Which, wait a second, which is not until the check is cashed. +Which, wait a second, which is not until the check is cashed. Levene!! +Roma! I'm talking to you... I've...look. Will someone get this guy off my back. +I've...look. Will someone get this guy off my back. You have a problem? +You have a problem? Yes, I have a problem. Yes, I do, my fr...It's not me that ripped the joint off, I'm doing business. I'll be with you in a while. You got it...? Where are you going? +Roma, would you, I'd like to get some lunch... I'm talking with Mr. Lingk. If you please, I'll be back in. I'll be back in a while...I told you, check with Mr. Williamson. +I'm talking with Mr. Lingk. If you please, I'll be back in. I'll be back in a while...I told you, check with Mr. Williamson. The people downtown said... +The people downtown said... You call them again. Mr. Williamson...! +You stupid fucking cunt. You, Williamson...I'm talking to you, shithead...You just cost me six thousand dollars. Six thousand dollars. And one Cadillac. That's right. What are you going to do about it? What are you goin to do about it, asshole. You fucking shit. Where did you learn your trade. You stupid fucking cunt. You idiot. Whoever told you you could work with men? Could I... +Could I... I'm going to have your job, shithead. I'm going downtown and talk to Mitch and Murrray, and I'm going to Lemkin. I don't care whose nephew you are, who you know, whose dick you're sucking on. You're going out, I swear to you, you're going... +I'm going to have your job, shithead. I'm going downtown and talk to Mitch and Murrray, and I'm going to Lemkin. I don't care whose nephew you are, who you know, whose dick you're sucking on. You're going out, I swear to you, you're going... Hey, fella, let's get this done... +Hey, fella, let's get this done... Anyone in this office lives on their wits... I'm going to be with you in a second. What you're hired for is to help us--does that seem clear to you? +Mr. Levene...? You're done, come down, and let's... +You're done, come down, and let's... Would you come in here, please? +Would you come in here, please? And let's put this together. Okay? Shel? Say okay. +Mr. Levene, I think we have to talk. I'm going to the Chinks. You're done, come down, we're going to smoke a cigarette. +"Hey, hey, hey, easy friend. That's the ""Machine."" That is Shelly ""The Machine"" Lev..." Get in the goddamn room. +John...John...John. Okay. John. John. Look: The Glengarry Highland's leads, you're sending Roma out. Fine. He's a good man. We know what he is. He's fine. All I'm saying, you look at the board, he's throwing...wait, wait, wait, he's throwing them away, he's throwing the leads away. All that I'm saying, that you're wasting leads. I don't want to tell you your job. All that I'm saying, things get set, I know they do, you get a certain mindset... A guy gets a reputation. We know how this...all I'm saying, put a closer on the job. There's more than one man for the... Put a...wait a second, put a proven man out...and you watch, now wait a second--and you watch your dollar volumes...You start closing them for fifty 'stead of twenty- five...you put a closer on the... Shelly, you blew the last... +Shelly, you blew the last... "No. John. No. Let's wait, let's back up here, I did...will you please? Wait a second. Please. I didn't ""blow"" them. No. I didn't ""blow"" them. No. One kicked out, one I closed..." +"No. John. No. Let's wait, let's back up here, I did...will you please? Wait a second. Please. I didn't ""blow"" them. No. I didn't ""blow"" them. No. One kicked out, one I closed..." ...you didn't close... +...you didn't close... ...I, if you'd listen to me. Please. I closed the cocksucker. His ex, John, his ex, I didn't know he was married...he, the judge invalidated the... +Shelly... ...and what is that, John? What? Bad luck. That's all it is. I pray in your life you will never find it runs in streaks. That's what it does, that's all it's doing. Streaks. I pray it misses you. That's all I want to say. +...and what is that, John? What? Bad luck. That's all it is. I pray in your life you will never find it runs in streaks. That's what it does, that's all it's doing. Streaks. I pray it misses you. That's all I want to say. What about the other two? +What about the other two? What two? +What two? Four. You had four leads. One kicked out, one the judge, you say... +Four. You had four leads. One kicked out, one the judge, you say... ...you want to see the court records? John? Eh? You want to go down... +...you want to see the court records? John? Eh? You want to go down... ...no... +...no... ...do you want to go downtown...? +...do you want to go downtown...? ...no... +...no... ...then... +...then... ...I only... +...I only... "...then what is this ""you say"" shit, what is that? What is that...?" +"...then what is this ""you say"" shit, what is that? What is that...?" All that I'm saying... +"What is this ""you say""? A deal kicks out...I got to eat. Shit, Williamson, shit. You...Moss... Roma...look at the sheets...look at the sheets. Nineteen eighty, eighty-one...eighty-two...six months of eighty-two...who's there? Who's up there?" Roma. +Roma. Under him? +Under him? Moss. +Moss. Bullshit. John. Bullshit. April, September 1981. It's me. It isn't fucking Moss. Due respect, he's an order taker, John. He talks, he talks a good game, look at the board, and it's me, John, it's me... +Bullshit. John. Bullshit. April, September 1981. It's me. It isn't fucking Moss. Due respect, he's an order taker, John. He talks, he talks a good game, look at the board, and it's me, John, it's me... Not lately it isn't. +Not lately it isn't. "Lately kiss my ass lately. That isn't how you build an org...talk, talk to Murray. Talk to Mitch. When we were on Peterson, who paid for his fucking car? You talk to him. The Seville...? He came in, ""You bought that for me Shelly."" Out of what? Cold calling. Nothing. Sixty-five, when we were there, with Glen Ross Farms? You call 'em downtown. What was that? Luck? That was ""luck""? Bullshit, John. You're burning my ass, I can't get a fucking lead...you think that was luck. My stats for those years? Bullshit...over that period of time...? Bullshit. It wasn't luck. It was skill. You want to throw that away, John...? You want to throw that away?" +"Lately kiss my ass lately. That isn't how you build an org...talk, talk to Murray. Talk to Mitch. When we were on Peterson, who paid for his fucking car? You talk to him. The Seville...? He came in, ""You bought that for me Shelly."" Out of what? Cold calling. Nothing. Sixty-five, when we were there, with Glen Ross Farms? You call 'em downtown. What was that? Luck? That was ""luck""? Bullshit, John. You're burning my ass, I can't get a fucking lead...you think that was luck. My stats for those years? Bullshit...over that period of time...? Bullshit. It wasn't luck. It was skill. You want to throw that away, John...? You want to throw that away?" It isn't me... +...it isn't you...? Who is it? Who is this I'm talking to? I need the leads... ...after the thirtieth... +...after the thirtieth... Bullshit the thirtieth, I don't get on the board the thirtieth, they're going to can my ass. I need the leads. I need them now. Or I'm gone, and you're going to miss me, John, I swear to you. +Bullshit the thirtieth, I don't get on the board the thirtieth, they're going to can my ass. I need the leads. I need them now. Or I'm gone, and you're going to miss me, John, I swear to you. Murray... +Murray... ...you talk to Murray... +...you talk to Murray... I have. And my job is to marshal those leads... +I have. And my job is to marshal those leads... "Marshal the leads...marshal the leads? What the fuck, what bus did you get off of, we're here to fucking sell. Fuck marshaling the leads. What the fuck talk is that? What the fuck talk is that? Where did you learn that? In school? That's ""talk,"" my friend, that's ""talk."" Our job is to sell. I'm the man to sell. I'm getting garbage. You're giving it to me, and what I'm saying is it's fucked." +"Marshal the leads...marshal the leads? What the fuck, what bus did you get off of, we're here to fucking sell. Fuck marshaling the leads. What the fuck talk is that? What the fuck talk is that? Where did you learn that? In school? That's ""talk,"" my friend, that's ""talk."" Our job is to sell. I'm the man to sell. I'm getting garbage. You're giving it to me, and what I'm saying is it's fucked." You're saying that I'm fucked. +You're saying that I'm fucked. Yes. I am. I'm sorry to antagonize you. +Yes. I am. I'm sorry to antagonize you. Let me... +...and I'm going to get bounced and you're... ...let me...are you listening to me...? +...let me...are you listening to me...? Yes. +Yes. Let me tell you something, Shelly. I do what I'm hired to do. I'm...wait a second. I'm hired to watch the leads. I'm given...hold on, I'm given a policy. My job is to do that. What I'm told. That's it. You, wait a second, anybody falls below a certain mark I'm not permitted to give them the premium leads. +Let me tell you something, Shelly. I do what I'm hired to do. I'm...wait a second. I'm hired to watch the leads. I'm given...hold on, I'm given a policy. My job is to do that. What I'm told. That's it. You, wait a second, anybody falls below a certain mark I'm not permitted to give them the premium leads. Then how do they come up above that mark? With dreck...? That's nonsense. Explain this to me. 'Cause it's a waste, and it's a stupid waste. I want to tell you something... +Then how do they come up above that mark? With dreck...? That's nonsense. Explain this to me. 'Cause it's a waste, and it's a stupid waste. I want to tell you something... You know what those leads cost? +You know what those leads cost? The premium leads. Yes. I know what they cost. John. Because I, I generated the dollar revenue sufficient to buy them. Nineteen senny-nine, you know what I made? Senny-nine? Ninety-six thousand dollars. John? For Murray... For Mitch...look at the sheets... +The premium leads. Yes. I know what they cost. John. Because I, I generated the dollar revenue sufficient to buy them. Nineteen senny-nine, you know what I made? Senny-nine? Ninety-six thousand dollars. John? For Murray... For Mitch...look at the sheets... Murray said... +Murray said... "Fuck him. Fuck Murray. John? You know? You tell him I said so. What does he fucking know? He's going to have a ""sales"" contest...you know what our sales contest used to be?" +Money. A fortune. Money lying on the ground. Murray? When was the last time he went out on a sit? Sales contest? It's laughable. It's cold out there now, John. It's tight. Money is tight. This ain't sixty-five. It ain't. It just ain't. See? See? Now, I'm a good man--but I need a... Murray said... +Murray said... John. John... +John. John... Will you please wait a second. Shelly. Please. Murray told me: the hot leads... +Will you please wait a second. Shelly. Please. Murray told me: the hot leads... ...ah, fuck this... +...ah, fuck this... The...Shelly? The hot leads are assigned according to the board. During the contest. Period. Anyone who beats fifty per... +The...Shelly? The hot leads are assigned according to the board. During the contest. Period. Anyone who beats fifty per... That's fucked. That's fucked. You don't look at the fucking percentage. You look at the gross. +That's fucked. That's fucked. You don't look at the fucking percentage. You look at the gross. Either way. You're out. +Either way. You're out. I'm out. +I'm out. Yes. +Yes. I'll tell you why I'm out. I'm out, you're giving me toilet paper. John. +I've seen those leads. I saw them when I was at Homestead, we pitched those cocksuckers Rio Rancho nineteen sixty-nine they wouldn't buy. They couldn't buy a fucking toaster. They're broke, John. They're cold. They're deadbeats, you can't judge on that. Even so. Even so. Alright. Fine. Fine. Even so. I go in, FOUR FUCKING LEADS they got their money in a sock. They're fucking Polacks, John. Four leads. I close two. Two. Fifty per... ...they kicked out. +...they kicked out. They all kick out. You run in streaks, pal. Streaks. I'm... I'm...don't look at the board, look at me. Shelly Levene. Anyone. Ask them on Western. Ask Getz at Homestead. Go ask Jerry Graff. You know who I am...I NEED A SHOT. I got to get on the fucking board. Ask them. Ask them. Ask them who ever picked up a check I was flush. Moss, Jerry Graff, Mitch himself...Those guys lived on the business I brought in. They lived on it...and so did Murray, John. You were here you'd of benefited from it too. And now I'm saying this. Do I want charity? Do I want pity? I want sits. I want leads that don't come right out of a phone book. Give me a lead hotter than that, I'll go in and close it. Give me a chance. That's all I want. I'm going to get up on that fucking board and all I want is a chance. It's a streak and I'm going to turn it around. I need your help. +Why? The leads are assigned randomly... +The leads are assigned randomly... Bullshit, bullshit, you assign them... What are you telling me? +Bullshit, bullshit, you assign them... What are you telling me? ...apart from the top men on the contest board. +...apart from the top men on the contest board. Then put me on the board. +Then put me on the board. You start closing again, you'll be on the board. +You start closing again, you'll be on the board. "I can't close these leads, John. No one can. It's a joke. John, look, just give me a hot lead. Just give me two of the premium leads. As a ""test,"" alright? As a ""test"" and I promise you..." +"I can't close these leads, John. No one can. It's a joke. John, look, just give me a hot lead. Just give me two of the premium leads. As a ""test,"" alright? As a ""test"" and I promise you..." I can't do it, Shel. +Of what? And what if you don't close. +And what if you don't close. I will close. +I will close. What if you don't close...? +I will close. What if you don't? Then I'm fucked. You see...? Then it's my job. That's what I'm telling you. +What if you don't? Then I'm fucked. You see...? Then it's my job. That's what I'm telling you. I will close. John, John, ten percent. I can get hot. You know that... +I will close. John, John, ten percent. I can get hot. You know that... Not lately you can't... +Not lately you can't... Fuck that. That's defeatist. Fuck that. Fuck it...Get on my side. Go with me. Let's do something. You want to run this office, run it. +Fuck that. That's defeatist. Fuck that. Fuck it...Get on my side. Go with me. Let's do something. You want to run this office, run it. Twenty percent. +Alright. And fifty bucks a lead. +And fifty bucks a lead. "John. Listen. I want to talk to you. Permit me to do this a second. I'm older than you. A man acquires a reputation. On the street. What he does when he's up, what he does otherwise...I said ""ten,"" you said ""no."" You said ""twenty."" I said ""fine,"" I'm not going to fuck with you, how can I beat that, you tell me?...Okay. Okay. We'll...Okay. Fine. We'll...Alright, twenty percent, and fifty bucks a lead. That's fine. For now. That's fine. A month or two we'll talk. A month from now. Next month. After the thirtieth. We'll talk." +What are we going to say? No. You're right. That's for later. We'll talk in a month. What have you got? I want two sits. Tonight. +No. You're right. That's for later. We'll talk in a month. What have you got? I want two sits. Tonight. I'm not sure I have two. +I'm not sure I have two. I saw the board. You've got four... +I saw the board. You've got four... I've got Roma. Then I've got Moss... +I've got Roma. Then I've got Moss... Bullshit. They ain't been in the office yet. Give 'em some stiff. We have a deal or not? Eh? Two sits. The Des Plaines. Both of 'em, six and ten, you can do it...six and ten...eight and eleven, I don't give a shit, you set 'em up? Alright? The two sits in Des Plaines. +Bullshit. They ain't been in the office yet. Give 'em some stiff. We have a deal or not? Eh? Two sits. The Des Plaines. Both of 'em, six and ten, you can do it...six and ten...eight and eleven, I don't give a shit, you set 'em up? Alright? The two sits in Des Plaines. Alright. +Alright. Good. Now we're talking. +Now? Now? Now. Yes...When? +I wish I could. You fucking asshole. I haven't got it. I haven't got it, John. I'll pay you tomorrow. I'm coming in here with the sales, I'll pay you tomorrow. I haven't got it, when I pay, the gas...I get back the hotel, I'll bring it in tomorrow. +You fucking asshole. I haven't got it. I haven't got it, John. I'll pay you tomorrow. I'm coming in here with the sales, I'll pay you tomorrow. I haven't got it, when I pay, the gas...I get back the hotel, I'll bring it in tomorrow. Can't do it. +Can't do it. I'll give you thirty on them now, I'll bring the rest tomorrow. I've got it at the hotel. John? We do that, for chrissake? +I'll give you thirty on them now, I'll bring the rest tomorrow. I've got it at the hotel. John? We do that, for chrissake? No. +No. I'm asking you. As a favor to me? John. John: my daughter... +I'm asking you. As a favor to me? John. John: my daughter... I can't do it, Shelly... +"Well, I want to tell you something, fella, wasn't long I could pick up the phone, call Murray and I'd have your job. You know that? Not too long ago. For what? For nothing. ""Mur, this new kid burns my ass."" ""Shelly, he's out."" You're gone before I'm back from lunch. I bought him a trip to Bermuda once..." I have to go... +Wait. Alright. Fine. The one. Give me the lead. Give me the one lead. The best one you have. I can't split them. +Why? Because I say so. +Because I say so. Is that it? Is that it? You want to do business that way...? +You want to do business that way...? Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. What is there on the other list...? You want something off the B list? +You want something off the B list? Yeah. Yeah. +Is that what you're saying? That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I'd like something off the other list. Which, very least, that I'm entitled to. If I'm still working here, which for the moment I guess that I am. What? I'm sorry I spoke harshly to you. +That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I'd like something off the other list. Which, very least, that I'm entitled to. If I'm still working here, which for the moment I guess that I am. What? I'm sorry I spoke harshly to you. That's alright. +That's alright. The deal still stands, our other thing. +What happened? Somebody broke in. +Ah, fuck. Leads! Leads! Williamson! Send me out! Send me out! The leads are coming. +The leads are coming. Get 'em to me! +Get 'em to me! I talked to Murray and Mitch an hour ago. They're coming in, you understand they're a bit upset over this morning's... +I talked to Murray and Mitch an hour ago. They're coming in, you understand they're a bit upset over this morning's... Did you tell 'em my sale? +How could I tell 'em your sale? Eh? I don't have a tel...I'll tell 'em your sale when they bring in the leads. Alright? Shelly. Alright? We had a little... You closed a deal. You made a good sale. Fine. It's better than a good sale. It's a... +It's better than a good sale. It's a... Look: I have a lot of things on my mind, they're coming in, alright, they're very upset, I'm trying to make some sense... +Look: I have a lot of things on my mind, they're coming in, alright, they're very upset, I'm trying to make some sense... All that I'm telling you: that one thing you can tell them it's a remarkable sale. +All that I'm telling you: that one thing you can tell them it's a remarkable sale. The only thing remarkable is who you made it to. +The only thing remarkable is who you made it to. What does that fucking mean? +What does that fucking mean? That if the sale sticks, it will be a miracle. +That if the sale sticks, it will be a miracle. "Why should the sale not stick? Hey, fuck you. That's what I'm saying. You have no idea of your job. A man's his job and you're fucked at yours. You hear what I'm saying to you? Your ""end of month board..."" You can't run an office. I don't care. You don't know what it is, you don't have the sense, you don't have the balls. You ever been on a sit? Ever? Has this cocksucker ever been...you ever sit down with a cust..." +"Why should the sale not stick? Hey, fuck you. That's what I'm saying. You have no idea of your job. A man's his job and you're fucked at yours. You hear what I'm saying to you? Your ""end of month board..."" You can't run an office. I don't care. You don't know what it is, you don't have the sense, you don't have the balls. You ever been on a sit? Ever? Has this cocksucker ever been...you ever sit down with a cust..." I were you, I'd calm down, Shelly. +Would you? Would you...? Or you're gonna what, fire me? It's not impossible. +It's not impossible. On an eighty-thousand dollar day? And it ain't even noon. +Mmm. You can't think on your feet you should keep your mouth closed. You hear me? I'm talking to you. Do you hear me...? +You can't think on your feet you should keep your mouth closed. You hear me? I'm talking to you. Do you hear me...? Yes. I hear you. +Yes. I hear you. You can't learn that in an office. Eh? He's right. You have to learn it on the streets. You can't buy that. You have to live it. +You can't learn that in an office. Eh? He's right. You have to learn it on the streets. You can't buy that. You have to live it. Mmm. +Mmm. Yes. Mmm. Yes. Precisely. Precisely. 'Cause your partner depends on it. I'm talking to you, I'm trying to tell you something. +You are? Yes, I am. +Yes, I am. What are you trying to tell me? +What are you trying to tell me? What Roma's trying to tell you. What I told you yesterday. Why you don't belong in this business. +What Roma's trying to tell you. What I told you yesterday. Why you don't belong in this business. Why I don't... +Why I don't... "You listen to me, someday you might say, ""Hey..."" No, fuck that, you just listen what I'm going to say: your partner depends on you. Your partner...a man who's your ""partner"" depends on you...you have to go with him and for him...or you're shit, you're shit, you can't exist alone..." +"You listen to me, someday you might say, ""Hey..."" No, fuck that, you just listen what I'm going to say: your partner depends on you. Your partner...a man who's your ""partner"" depends on you...you have to go with him and for him...or you're shit, you're shit, you can't exist alone..." Excuse me... +Excuse me... ...excuse me, nothing, you be as cold as you want, but you just fucked a good man out of six thousand dollars and his goddamn bonus 'cause you didn't know the shot, if you can do that and you aren't man enough that it gets you, then I don't know what, if you can't take some thing from that... you're scum, you're fucking white- bread. You be as cold as you want. A child would know it, he's right. You're going to make something up, be sure it will help or keep your mouth closed. +How do you know I made it up? What? +What? How do you know I made it up? +How do you know I made it up? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? "You said, ""You don't make something up unless it's sure to help."" How did you know that I made it up?" +"You said, ""You don't make something up unless it's sure to help."" How did you know that I made it up?" What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? I told the customer that his contracts had gone to the bank. +I told the customer that his contracts had gone to the bank. Well, hadn't it? +Well, hadn't it? No. It hadn't. +No. It hadn't. Don't fuck with me, John, don't fuck with me...what are you saying? +Well, I'm saying this, Shel: usually I take the contracts to the bank. Last night I didn't. How did you know that? One night in a year I left a contract on my desk. Nobody knew that but you. Now how did you know that? You want to talk to me, you want to talk to someone else...because this is my job. This is my job on the line, and you are going to talk to me. Now how did you know that contract was on my desk? You're so full of shit. +You're so full of shit. You robbed the office. +You robbed the office. Sure! I robbed the office. Sure. +Sure! I robbed the office. Sure. What'd you do with the leads? You want to go in there? I tell him what I know, he's going to dig up something...You got an alibi last night? You better have one. What did you do with the leads? If you tell me what you did with the leads, we can talk. +What'd you do with the leads? You want to go in there? I tell him what I know, he's going to dig up something...You got an alibi last night? You better have one. What did you do with the leads? If you tell me what you did with the leads, we can talk. I don't know what you are saying. +I don't know what you are saying. If you tell me where the leads are, I won't turn you in. If you don't, I am going to tell the cop you stole them, Mitch and Murray will see that you go to jail. Believe me they will. Now, what did you do with the leads? I'm walking in that door--you have five seconds to tell me: or you are going to jail. +If you tell me where the leads are, I won't turn you in. If you don't, I am going to tell the cop you stole them, Mitch and Murray will see that you go to jail. Believe me they will. Now, what did you do with the leads? I'm walking in that door--you have five seconds to tell me: or you are going to jail. I... +I sold them to Jerry Graff. How much did you get for them? How much did you get for them? +How much did you get for them? How much did you get for them? Five thousand. I kept half. +Five thousand. I kept half. Who kept the other half? +Do I have to tell you? Moss. That was easy, wasn't it? +It was his idea. Was it? +Was it? I...I'm sure he got more than the five, actually. +I...I'm sure he got more than the five, actually. Uh-huh? +Uh-huh? He told me my share was twenty-five. +He told me my share was twenty-five. Mmm. +"Okay: I...look: I'm going to make it worth your while. I am. I turned this thing around. I closed the old stuff, I can do it again. I'm the one's going to close 'em. I am! I am! 'Cause I turned this thing a...I can do that, I can do anyth...last night. I'm going to tell you, I was ready to Do the Dutch. Moss gets me, ""Do this, we'll get well..."" Why not. Big fuckin' deal. I'm halfway hoping to get caught. To put me out of my... But it taught me something. What it taught me, that you've got to get out there. Big deal. So I wasn't cut out to be a thief. I was cut out to be a salesman. And now I'm back, and I got my balls back...and, you know, John, you have the advantage on me now: Whatever it takes to make it right, we'll make it right. We're going to make it right." I want to tell you something, Shelly. You have a big mouth. +What? You've got a big mouth, and now I'm going to show you an even bigger one. +Wait...uh, look... Look, twelve, twenty, two, twen... twenty-five hundred, it's...take it. Take it all... Take it! No, I don't think so, Shel. +No, I don't think so, Shel. I... +I... No, I think I don't want your money. I think you fucked up my office. And I think you're going away. +No, I think I don't want your money. I think you fucked up my office. And I think you're going away. I...what? Are you, are you, that's why...? Are you nuts? I'm...I'm going to close for you, I'm going to... Here, here, I'm going to make this office...I'm going to be back there Number One...Hey, hey, hey! This is only the beginning...List...list... listen. Listen. Just one moment. List...here's what...here's what we're going to do. Twenty percent. I'm going to give you twenty percent of my sales... Twenty percent. For as long as I am with the firm. Fifty percent. You're going to be my partner. Fifty percent. Of all my sales. +I...what? Are you, are you, that's why...? Are you nuts? I'm...I'm going to close for you, I'm going to... Here, here, I'm going to make this office...I'm going to be back there Number One...Hey, hey, hey! This is only the beginning...List...list... listen. Listen. Just one moment. List...here's what...here's what we're going to do. Twenty percent. I'm going to give you twenty percent of my sales... Twenty percent. For as long as I am with the firm. Fifty percent. You're going to be my partner. Fifty percent. Of all my sales. What sales? +What sales...? I just closed eighty-two grand...Are you fuckin'...I'm back...I'm back, this is only the beginning. Only the beginning... +Only the beginning... Abso... +Abso... Where have you been, Shelly? Bruce and Harriet Nyborg. Do you want to see the memos...? They're nuts... they used to call in every week. When I was with Webb. And we were selling Arizona...they're nuts...did you see how they were living? How can you delude yours... +Where have you been, Shelly? Bruce and Harriet Nyborg. Do you want to see the memos...? They're nuts... they used to call in every week. When I was with Webb. And we were selling Arizona...they're nuts...did you see how they were living? How can you delude yours... I've got the check... +I've got the check... Forget it. Frame it. It's worthless. +The check's no good? You stick around I'll pull the memo for you. I'm busy now... +You stick around I'll pull the memo for you. I'm busy now... Their check's no good? They're nuts...? +Their check's no good? They're nuts...? Call up the bank. I called them. +Call up the bank. I called them. You did? +Don't. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Why? +Why? Because I don't like you. +Because I don't like you. John: John:...my daughter... +John: John:...my daughter... Fuck you. +You did that? Eighty-two thousand dollars. +Those fuckin' deadbeats... My ass. I told 'em. Listen to this: I said... +My ass. I told 'em. Listen to this: I said... Hey, I don't want to hear your fucking war stories... +Give me some leads. I'm going out... I'm getting out of... """...you have to believe in yourself...""" +"""...you have to believe in yourself...""" Na, fuck the leads, I'm going home. +Na, fuck the leads, I'm going home. """Bruce, Harriet...Fuck me, believe in yourself...""" +Hey, they're fuckin' garbage any case...This whole goddamn... """...You look around, you say, 'This one has so-and-so, and I have nothing...""" +"""...You look around, you say, 'This one has so-and-so, and I have nothing...""" Shit. +Shit. """'Why? Why don't I get the opportunities...?""" +"""'Why? Why don't I get the opportunities...?""" And did they steal the contracts...? +...the fuck is that supposed to mean...? Will you shut up, I'm telling you this... +"""You do get the..."" Huh? Huh?" Fuck is that supposed to mean? +Fuck is that supposed to mean? """You do get the opportunity...You get them. As I do, as anyone does...""" +"""You do get the opportunity...You get them. As I do, as anyone does...""" Ricky?...That I don't care they stole the contracts? +I got 'em in the kitchen. I'm eating her crumb cake. What does that mean? +Rick. Let me tell you. Wait, we're in the... Shut the fuck up. Ricky. You have a mean streak in you... And what the fuck are you babbling about...? +Dave... ...Shut up. Decide who should be dealt with how? Is that the thing? I come into the fuckin' office today, I get humiliated by some jagoff cop. I get accused of...I get this shit thrown in my face by you, you geniune shit, because you're top name on the board... +Get the chalk. Get the chalk...get the chalk! I closed 'em! I closed the cocksucker. Get the chalk and put me on the board. I'm going to Hawaii! Put me on the Cadillac board, Williamson! Pick up the fuckin' chalk. Eight units. Mountain View... You sold eight Mountain View? +You sold eight Mountain View? You bet your ass. Who wants to go to lunch? Who wants to go to lunch? I'm buying. Eighty-two fucking grand. And twelve grand in commission. John. On fucking deadbeat magazine subscription leads. +Eight units? That's right. +That's right. Shelly...! +Shelly...! Hey, big fucking deal. Broke a bad streak... +Williamson, get on the phone, call Mitch... They took the phones... +They took the phones... They... +When? Last night, this morning. +They took the leads? Mmm. +Just now. Guess who? +Fuck you, Dave... """You have to believe in yourself... you""--look--""alright...?""" +Fuck you care...? """I want to tell you something, Harriet...""" +How was it...? From the store. +From the store. Fuck her... +Fuck her... """What we have to do is admit to ourself that we see that opportunity...and take it. And that's it."" And we sit there. I got the pen out..." +"""What we have to do is admit to ourself that we see that opportunity...and take it. And that's it."" And we sit there. I got the pen out..." """Always be closing...""" +"""Always be closing...""" "That's what I'm saying. The old ways. The old ways...convert the motherfucker...sell him...sell him... make him sign the check. The...Bruce, Harriet...the kitchen, blah: they got their money in government bonds...I say fuck it, we're going to go the whole route. I plat it out eight units. Eighty- two grand. I tell them. ""This is now. This is that thing that you've been dreaming of, you're going to find that suitcase on the train, the guy comes in the door, the bag that's full of money. This is it, Harriett...""" +"That's what I'm saying. The old ways. The old ways...convert the motherfucker...sell him...sell him... make him sign the check. The...Bruce, Harriet...the kitchen, blah: they got their money in government bonds...I say fuck it, we're going to go the whole route. I plat it out eight units. Eighty- two grand. I tell them. ""This is now. This is that thing that you've been dreaming of, you're going to find that suitcase on the train, the guy comes in the door, the bag that's full of money. This is it, Harriett...""" Harriett... +Harriett... "Bruce...""I don't want to fuck around with you. I don't want to go round this, and pussyfoot around the thing, you have to look back on this. I do, too. I came here to do good for you and me. For both of us. Why take an interim position?" +"The only arrangement I'll accept is full investment. Period. The whole eight units. I know that you're saying 'be safe,' I know what you're saying. I know if I left you to yourselves, you'd say 'come back tomorrow,' and when I walked out that door, you'd make a cup of coffee...you'd sit down...and you'd think 'let's be safe...' and not to disappoint me you'd go one unit or maybe two, because you'd become scared because you'd met possibility. But this won't do, and that's not the subject..."" Listen to this, I actually said this. ""That's not the subject of our evening together."" Now I handed them the pen. I held it in my hand. I turned the contract, eight units eighty-two grand. ""Now I want you to sign."" I sat there. Five minutes. Then, I sat there, Ricky, twenty-two minutes by the kitchen clock. Twenty-two minutes by the kitchen clock. Not a word, not a motion. What am I thinking? ""My arm's getting tired?"" No. I did it. I did it. Like in the old says, Ricky. Like I was taught... Like, like, like I used to do...I did it." Like you taught me... +Like you taught me... "Bullshit, you're...No. That's raw... well, if I did, then I'm glad I did. I, well. I locked on them. All on them, nothing on me. All my thoughts are on them. I'm holding the last thought that I spoke: ""Now is the time."" They signed, Ricky. It was great. It was fucking great. It was like they wilted all at once. No gesture...nothing. Like together." +You closed 'em today? Yes. I did. This morning. What I'm saying to you: things can change. You see? This is where you fuck up, because this is something you don't know. You can't look down the road. And see what's coming. Might be someone else, John. It might be someone new, eh? Someone new. And you can't look back. 'Cause you don't know history. You ask them. When we were at Rio Rancho, who was top man? A month...? Two months...? Eight months in twelve for three years in a row. You know what that means? You know what that means? Is that luck? Is that some, some, some purloined leads? That's skill. That's talent, that's, that's... +Yes. I did. This morning. What I'm saying to you: things can change. You see? This is where you fuck up, because this is something you don't know. You can't look down the road. And see what's coming. Might be someone else, John. It might be someone new, eh? Someone new. And you can't look back. 'Cause you don't know history. You ask them. When we were at Rio Rancho, who was top man? A month...? Two months...? Eight months in twelve for three years in a row. You know what that means? You know what that means? Is that luck? Is that some, some, some purloined leads? That's skill. That's talent, that's, that's... ...yes... +...yes... ...and you don't remember. 'Cause you weren't around. That's cold calling. Walk up to the door. I don't even know their name. I'm selling something they don't even want. You talk about soft sell... before we had a name for it...before we called it anything, we did it. +...and you don't remember. 'Cause you weren't around. That's cold calling. Walk up to the door. I don't even know their name. I'm selling something they don't even want. You talk about soft sell... before we had a name for it...before we called it anything, we did it. That's right, Shel. +"And, and, and, I did it. And I put a kid through school. She...and...Cold calling, fella. Door to door. But you don't know. You don't know. You never heard of a streak. You never heard of ""marshaling your sales force..."" What are you, you're a secretary, John. Fuck you. That's my message for you. Fuck you and kiss my ass. You don't like it, I'll go talk to Jerry Graff. Period. Fuck you. Put me on the board. And I want three worthwhile leads today and I don't want any bullshit about them and I want 'em close together 'cause I'm going to hit them all today. That's all I have to say to you." He's right, Williamson. +Oh, Christ. The hell with him. We'll go to lunch, the leads won't be up for... +The hell with him. We'll go to lunch, the leads won't be up for... "You're a client. I just sold you five waterfront Glengarry Farms. I rub my head, throw me the cue ""Kenilworth.""" +"You're a client. I just sold you five waterfront Glengarry Farms. I rub my head, throw me the cue ""Kenilworth.""" What is it? +What is it? Kenilw... +I own the property, my mother owns the property, I put her into it. I'm going to show you on the plats. You look when you get home A-3 through A-14 and 26 through 30. You take your time and if you still feel. No, Mr. Roma. I don't need the time, I've made a lot of investments in the last... +Glad to meet you. I just put Jim into Black Creek...are you acquainted with... +I just put Jim into Black Creek...are you acquainted with... No...Black Creek. Yes. In Florida? +No...Black Creek. Yes. In Florida? Yes. +Yes. I wanted to speak with you about... +I wanted to speak with you about... Well, we'll do that this weekend. +Well, we'll do that this weekend. My wife told me to look into... +My wife told me to look into... Beautiful. Beautiful rolling land. I was telling Jim and Jinny, Ray, I want to tell you something. You, Ray, you eat in a lot of restaurants. I know you do... +Mr. Morton's with American Express... he's... I can tell Jim what you do...? Sure. +Sure. Ray is director of all European sales and services for American Ex... But I'm saying you haven't had a meal until you've tasted...I was at the Lingks' last...as a matter of fact, what was that service feature you were talking about...? +Ray is director of all European sales and services for American Ex... But I'm saying you haven't had a meal until you've tasted...I was at the Lingks' last...as a matter of fact, what was that service feature you were talking about...? Which... +Which... """Home Cooking""...what did you call it, you said it...it was a tag phrase that you had,,," +"""Home Cooking""...what did you call it, you said it...it was a tag phrase that you had,,," Uh... +Uh... Home... +Home... Home cooking... +Home cooking... The monthly interview...? +The monthly interview...? Oh! For the magazine... +Oh! For the magazine... Yes. Is this something that I can talk ab... +Yes. Is this something that I can talk ab... Well, it isn't coming out until the February iss...sure. Sure, go ahead, Ricky. +You're sure? Go ahead. +Go ahead. Well, Ray was eating at one of his company's men's home in France...the man's French, isn't he? +Well, Ray was eating at one of his company's men's home in France...the man's French, isn't he? No, his wife is. +No, his wife is. Ah. Ah, his wife is. Ray: what time do you have...? +Ah. Ah, his wife is. Ray: what time do you have...? Twelve-fifteen. +Twelve-fifteen. Oh! My God...I've got to get you on the plane! +Oh! My God...I've got to get you on the plane! Didn't I say I was taking the two o'... +Didn't I say I was taking the two o'... No. You said the one. That's why you said we couldn't talk till Kenilworth. +No. You said the one. That's why you said we couldn't talk till Kenilworth. Oh, my God, you're right! I'm on the one... Well, let's scoot... +What? Kenilworth...? +Kenilworth...? I'm sorry...? +I'm sorry...? Kenilworth. +Kenilworth. Oh, God...Oh, God... Jim, excuse me...Ray, I told you, who he is is the senior vice- president American Express. His family owns 32 per...Over the past years I've sold him...I can't tell you the dollar amount, but quite a lot of land. I promised five weeks ago that I'd go to the wife's birthday party in Kenilworth tonight. I have to go. You understand. They treat me like a member of the family, so I have to go. +Rick...? I'm sorry, Jim. I can't talk now. I'll call you tonight...I'm sorry. I'm coming, Ray. +Rick...? I'm coming, Ray...what a day! I'll call you this evening, Jim. I'm sorry you had to come in...Monday, lunch. +Rick... One moment, I'll be right with you. In fact, a...one point, which I spoke to you of which I can't talk to you about here. +"I've wanted to talk to you for some time. For a long time, actually. I said, ""The Machine, there's a man I would work with. There's a man..."" You know? I never said a thing. I should have, don't know why I didn't. And that shit you were slinging on my guy today was so good...it...it was, and, excuse me, 'cause it isn't even my place to say it. It was admirable...it was the old stuff. Hey, I've been on a hot streak, so what? There's things that I could learn from you. You eat today?" Me. +Me. Yeah. +Yeah. Mm. +Mm. Well, you want to swing by the Chinks, watch me eat, we'll talk? +Well, you want to swing by the Chinks, watch me eat, we'll talk? I think I'd better stay here for a while. +Ricky, I... Okay, okay, I'll be at the resta... +Okay, okay, I'll be at the resta... Ricky... +...all train compartments smell vaguely of shit. It gets so you don't mind it. That's the worst thing that I can confess. You know how long it took me to get there? A long time. When you die you're going to regret the things you don't do. You think you're queer...? I'm going to tell you something: we're all queer. You think that you're a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality...? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheated on your wife...? You did it, live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. There's an absolute morality? May be. And then what? If you think there is, then be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don't think so. If you think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won't live in it. That's me. You ever take a dump made you feel you'd just slept for twelve hours...? Did I...? +Did I...? Yes. +Yes. I don't know. +Or a piss...? A great meal fades in reflection. Everything else gains. You know why? 'Cause it's only food. This shit we eat, it keeps us going. But it's only food. The great fucks that you may have had. What do you remember about them? What do I...? +What do I...? Yes. +Yes. Mmmm... +Mmmm... I don't know. For me, I'm saying, what is is, it's probably not the orgasm. Some broads, forearms on your neck, something her eyes did. There was a sound she made...or, me, lying, in the, I'll tell you: me lying in bed; the next day she brought me café au lait. She gives me a cigarette, my balls feel like concrete. Eh? What I'm saying, what is our life? It's looking forward or it's looking back. And that's our life. That's it. Where is the moment? And what is it that we're afraid of? Loss. What else? The bank closes. We get sick, my wife died on a plane, the stock market collapsed...the house burnt down...what of these happen...? None on 'em. We worry anyway. What does this mean? I'm not secure. How can I be secure? Through amassing wealth beyond all measure? No. And what's beyond all measure? That's a sickness. That's a trap. There is no measure. Only greed. How can we act? +Money? If that's what it signifies to you. Security? Comfort? All it is is THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO YOU. That's all it is. How are they different? Some poor newly married guy gets run down by a cab. Some busboy wins the lottery. All it is, it's a carnival. What's special...what draws us? We're all different. We're not the same. We are not the same. Hmmm. It's been a long day. What are you drinking? Gimlet. +Gimlet. Well, let's have a couple more. My name is Richard Roma, what's yours? +Well, let's have a couple more. My name is Richard Roma, what's yours? Lingk. James Lingk. +Lingk. James Lingk. James. I'm glad to meet you. I'm glad to meet you, James. I want to show you something. It might mean nothing to you...and it might not. +I've got to talk to you. Jim! What are you doing here? Jim Lingk, D. Ray Morton... +I've got to talk to you... I've got to get Ray to O'Hare... Come on, let's hustle... John! Call American Express in Pittsburgh for Mr. Morton, will you, tell them he's on the one o'clock. +It's funny, you know, you get a picture of the Corporation-Type Company Man, all business...this man, no. We'll go out to his home sometime. Let's see. Tomorrow. No. Tomorrow, I'm in L.A....Monday...I'll take you to lunch, where would you like to go? My wife... +My wife said I have to cancel the deal. It's a common reaction, Jim. I'll tell you what it is, and I know that that's why you married her. One of the reasons is prudence. It's a sizable investment. One thinks twice...it's also something women have. It's just a reaction to the size of the investment. Monday, if you'd invite me for dinner again... This woman can cook... +Monday. She called the consumer...the attorney, I don't know. The attorney gen...they said we have three days... +She called the consumer...the attorney, I don't know. The attorney gen...they said we have three days... Who did she call? +Who did she call? I don't know, the attorney gen... the...some consumer office, um... +I don't know, the attorney gen... the...some consumer office, um... Why did she do that, Jim? +I don't know. They said we have three days. They said we have three days. Three days. +Three days. To...you know. +No, I don't know. Tell me. To change our minds. +To change our minds. Of course you have three days. +Jim, Jim, you saw my book...I can't, you saw my book... But we have to before Monday. To get our money ba... +But we have to before Monday. To get our money ba... Three business days. They mean three business days. +Three business days. They mean three business days. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. +Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I don't understand. +I don't understand. That's what they are. Three business...I wait till Monday, my time limit runs out. +You don't count Saturday. I'm not. +I'm not. No, I'm saying you don't include Saturday...in your three days. It's not a business day. +No, I'm saying you don't include Saturday...in your three days. It's not a business day. But I'm not counting it. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. So it would have elapsed. +But I'm not counting it. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. So it would have elapsed. What would have elapsed? +What would have elapsed? If we wait till Mon... +If we wait till Mon... When did you write the check? +When did you write the check? Yest... +Yest... What was yesterday? +What was yesterday? Tuesday. +Tuesday. And when was that check cashed? +And when was that check cashed? I don't know. +I don't know. What was the earliest it could have been cashed? +Today. Today. Which, in any case, it was not, as there were a couple of points on the agreement I wanted to go over with you in any case. The check wasn't cashed? +The check wasn't cashed? I just called downtown, and it's on their desk. +I'm very sorry, Jimmy. I apologize to you. It's not me, it's my wife. +It's not me, it's my wife. What is? +What is? I told you. +I told you. Tell me again. +What's going on here? Tell me again. Your wife. +Tell me again. Your wife. I told you. +I told you. You tell me again. +You tell me again. She wants her money back. +She wants her money back. We're going to speak to her. +We're going to speak to her. "No. She told me ""right now.""" +"No. She told me ""right now.""" We'll speak to her, Jim... +We'll speak to her, Jim... She won't listen. +"No, no. That's just something she ""said."" We don't have to do that." She told me I have to. +She told me I have to. No, Jim. +No, Jim. I do. If I don't get my money back... +I'm... Where are you going...? This is me...This is Ricky, Jim. Jim, anything you want, you want it, you have it. You understand? This is me. Something upset you. Sit down, now sit down. You tell me what it is. Am I going to help you fix it? You're goddamned right I am. Sit down. Tell you something...? Sometimes we need someone from outside. It's...no, sit down...Now talk to me. +Where are you going...? This is me...This is Ricky, Jim. Jim, anything you want, you want it, you have it. You understand? This is me. Something upset you. Sit down, now sit down. You tell me what it is. Am I going to help you fix it? You're goddamned right I am. Sit down. Tell you something...? Sometimes we need someone from outside. It's...no, sit down...Now talk to me. I can't regotiate. +I can't regotiate. What does that mean? +What does that mean? That... +...what, what, say it. Say it to me... I... +I... What...? +What...? I... +I... What...? Say the words. +What...? Say the words. I don't have the power. I said it. +I don't have the power. I said it. What power? +What power? The power to negotiate. +The power to negotiate. To negotiate what? To negotiate what? +To negotiate what? To negotiate what? This. +This. "What, ""this""?" +The deal. "The ""deal,"" forget the deal. Forget the deal, you've got something on your mind, Jim, what is it?" +"The ""deal,"" forget the deal. Forget the deal, you've got something on your mind, Jim, what is it?" I can't talk to you, you met my wife, I... +What? What? What, Jim: I tell you what, let's get out of here...let's go get a drink. She told me not to talk to you. +She told me not to talk to you. Let's...no one's going to know, let's go around the corner and we'll get a drink. +Let's...no one's going to know, let's go around the corner and we'll get a drink. She told me I had to get back the check or call the State's att... +She told me I had to get back the check or call the State's att... Forget the deal, Jimmy. Forget the deal...you know me. The deal's dead. Am I talking about the deal? That's over. Please. Let's talk about you. Come on. Come on. Come on, Jim. I want to tell you something. Your life is your own. You have a contract with your wife. You have certain things you do jointly, you have a bond there...and there are other things. Those things are yours. You needn't feel ashamed, you needn't feel that you're being untrue...or that she would abandon you if she knew. This is your life. Yes. Now I want to talk to you because you're obviously upset and that concerns me. Now let's go. Right now. +What? And the check is... +And the check is... What did I tell you? What did I say about the three days...? +What are the police doing? It's nothing. +It's nothing. What are the police doing here...? +You cashed the check? Not to my knowledge, no... +Fuckin' asshole. What, they beat you with a rubber bat? +What, they beat you with a rubber bat? Cop couldn't find his dick two hands and a map. Anyone talks to this guy's an asshole... +Cop couldn't find his dick two hands and a map. Anyone talks to this guy's an asshole... You going to turn State's? +You going to turn State's? Fuck you, Ricky. I ain't going out today. I'm going home. I'm going home because nothing's accomplished here...Anyone talks to this guy is... +Guess what the Machine did? Fuck the Machine. +Fuck the Machine. Mountain View. Eight units. +Mountain View. Eight units. Fuckin' cop's got no right talk to me that way. I didn't rob the place... +Fuckin' cop's got no right talk to me that way. I didn't rob the place... You hear what I said? +You hear what I said? Yeah. He closed a deal. +Yeah. He closed a deal. Eight units. Mountain View. +Eight units. Mountain View. You did that? +Fuck you. Guess who? +Guess who? When... +You just this morning... Harriet and blah blah Nyborg. +We haven't got a lead... Why not? +Why not? They took 'em... +It means, Dave, you haven't closed a good one in a month, none of my business, you want to push me to answer you. And so you haven't got a contract to get stolen or so forth. You have a mean streak in you, Ricky, you know that...? +Bring that shit up. Of my volume. You were on a bad one and I brought it up to you you'd harbor it. You'd harbor it a long long while. And you'd be right. "Who said ""Fuck the Machine""?" +"Who said ""Fuck the Machine""?" """Fuck the Machine""? ""Fuck the Machine""? What is this. Courtesy class...? You're fucked, Rick--are you fucking nuts? You're hot, so you think you're the ruler of this place...?! You want to..." +Is that what I did? Dave? I humiliated you? My God...I'm sorry... Sittin' on top of the world, sittin' on top of the world, everything's fucking peachfuzz... +Sittin' on top of the world, sittin' on top of the world, everything's fucking peachfuzz... "Oh, and I don't get a moment to spare for a bust-out humanitarian down on his luck lately. Fuck you, Dave, you know you got a big mouth, and you make a close the whole place stinks with your farts for a week. ""How much you just ingested,"" what a big man you are, ""Hey, let me buy you a pack of gum." +"I'll show you how to chew it."" Your pal closes, all that comes out of your mouth is bile, how fucked up you are..." Who's my pal...? And what are you, Ricky, huh, what are you, Bishop Sheean? Who the fuck are you, Mr. Slick...? What are you, friend to the workingman? Big deal. Fuck you, you got the memory a fuckin' fly. I never liked you. +Who's my pal...? And what are you, Ricky, huh, what are you, Bishop Sheean? Who the fuck are you, Mr. Slick...? What are you, friend to the workingman? Big deal. Fuck you, you got the memory a fuckin' fly. I never liked you. What is this, your farewell speech? +What is this, your farewell speech? I'm going home. +I'm going home. Your farewell to the troops? +Your farewell to the troops? I'm not going home. I'm going to Wisconsin. +I'm not going home. I'm going to Wisconsin. Have a good trip. +Have a good trip. And fuck you. Fuck the lot of you. Fuck you all. +They didn't get your contract. I filed it before I left. They didn't get my contracts. +They didn't get my contracts. They--excuse me... +They didn't get the contracts. Did they... +Did they... They got, listen to me... +They got, listen to me... The... +Listen to me: They got some of them. Some of them... +They took some of the con... ...some of the contracts...Lingk. James Lingk. I closed... +...some of the contracts...Lingk. James Lingk. I closed... You closed him yesterday. +You closed him yesterday. Yes. +Yes. It went down. I filed it. +It went down. I filed it. You did? +You did? Yes. +Yes. Then I'm over the fucking top and you owe me a Cadillac. +Then I'm over the fucking top and you owe me a Cadillac. I... +Where are you going? To the restaura...what do you fucking...? +To the restaura...what do you fucking...? Aren't you going out today? +Aren't you going out today? With what? With what, John, they took the leads... +With what? With what, John, they took the leads... I have the stuff from last year's... +I have the stuff from last year's... "Oh. Oh. Oh, your ""nostalgia"" file, they's fine. No. Swell. 'Cause I don't have to..." +...you want to go out today...? 'Cause I don't have to eat this month. No. Okay. Give 'em to me... Fucking Mitch and Murray going to shit a br...what am I going to do all... +Patel? Ravidam Patel? How am I going to make a living on thses deadbeat wogs? Where did you get this, from the morgue? If you don't want it, give it back. +If you don't want it, give it back. "I don't ""want"" it, if you catch my drift." +"I don't ""want"" it, if you catch my drift." I'm giving you three leads. You... +I'm giving you three leads. You... What's the fucking point in any case...? What's the point. I got to argue with you, I got to knock heads with the cops, I'm busting my balls, sell you dirt to fucking deadbeats money in the mattress, I come back you can't even manage to keep the contracts safe, I have to go back and close them again...What the fuck am I wasting my time, fuck this shit. I'm going out and reclose last week's... +What's the fucking point in any case...? What's the point. I got to argue with you, I got to knock heads with the cops, I'm busting my balls, sell you dirt to fucking deadbeats money in the mattress, I come back you can't even manage to keep the contracts safe, I have to go back and close them again...What the fuck am I wasting my time, fuck this shit. I'm going out and reclose last week's... The word from Murray is: leave them alone. If we need a new signature he'll go out himself, he'll be the president, just come in, from out of town... +The word from Murray is: leave them alone. If we need a new signature he'll go out himself, he'll be the president, just come in, from out of town... Okay, okay, okay, gimme this shit. Fine. +Three? I count two. Three. +Three. "Patel? Fuck you. Fuckin' Shiva handed him a million dollars, told him ""sign the deal,"" he wouldn't sign. And Vishnu, too. Into the bargain. Fuck that, John. You know your business, I know mine. Your business is being an asshole, and I find out whose fucking cousin you are, I'm going to go to him and figure out a way to have your ass... fuck you--I'll wait for the new leads." +Yes. Mr. Lingk and I are going to... +Mr. Lingk and I are going to... Yes. Please. Please. The police can be... +We had a slight burglary last night. It was nothing...I was assuring Mr. Lingk... +It was nothing...I was assuring Mr. Lingk... Mr. Lingk. James Lingk. Your contract went out. Nothing to... +Mr. Lingk. James Lingk. Your contract went out. Nothing to... John... +John... Your contract went out to the bank. +...Mr. Williamson... Your check as cashed yesterday afternoon. And we're completely insured, as you know, in any case. +...I wouldn't worry about it. Well I'm going to worry about it, and so are you, so shut up and listen. I GET HIS ACTION. My stuff is mine, whatever he gets for himself, I'm talking half. You put me in with him. +Are you alright? Yes. +Yes. Did you like your party? +Did you like your party? I got lots of presents. +I got lots of presents. Do you like them? +Do you like them? I didn't know the people who gave them to me. +I didn't know the people who gave them to me. They were friends. +Did you see my present for you? No, where is it? +No, where is it? On your pillow. +On your pillow. I'm leaving very early tomorrow, before you wake up. +I'm leaving very early tomorrow, before you wake up. I know. How long will you be gone? +I know. How long will you be gone? Just a few days. +Just a few days. Will you take me? +Will you take me? I can't. +I can't. Why do you have to go? +Why do you have to go? To do business. +To do business. I can help you. +I can help you. Some day you will. +You've grown so tall... so tall in the last year. You're much taller than me. I was taller than you when I was fourteen. +I was taller than you when I was fourteen. Sit down. Your Aunt Connie and I waited for you to have some lunch, but now it's all dried out. +Sit down. Your Aunt Connie and I waited for you to have some lunch, but now it's all dried out. I'm not hungry. +I'm not hungry. Well, that's alright... alright. Good. You'll graduate in another year, isn't that right? You know... I never finished college. I was a good student, but I never finished. Of course, there was a war then. +Mr. Cicci. From the year 1927 to the present time, you were an employee of the "Genco Olive Oil Company." That's right. +That's right. But in actuality, you were a member of the Corleone Crime organization. +But in actuality, you were a member of the Corleone Crime organization. The Corleone Family, Senator. We called it, "The Family." +The Corleone Family, Senator. We called it, "The Family." What position did you occupy? +What position did you occupy? At first, like everybody, I was a soldier. +I have a friend who has a fine rug. Maybe your wife would like it. We have no money for a rug. +We have no money for a rug. No. He would give it away. I know how to repay a consideration. +Your friend lives in a fine building. Oh yes, the very best. +They say Fanucci has a license from Maranzalla himself to work this neighborhood. If you like, why not give me fifty dollars each to pay Fanucci. I guarantee he will accept that amount from me. +Fanucci is not connected; he is alone. What? You read it in the papers? +What? You read it in the papers? This man informs to the police; this man allows his vengeance to be bought off... No, he is alone. +Who is the greatest man you can think of? Go on, answer him when he talks to you. Tell him: Columbus, Marconi... Garibaldi. +What took so long? She couldn't decide. +Do you think he'd be satisfied with the two hundred dollars? I think he would. That scar-faced bastard will find out what we got from the wholesaler. He won't take a dime less than three hundred dollars. +That scar-faced bastard will find out what we got from the wholesaler. He won't take a dime less than three hundred dollars. What if we don't pay? +What if we don't pay? You know his friends...real animals. And his connections with the police. Sure he'd like us to tell him our plans so he can set us up for the cops and earn their gratitude. Then they would owe him a favor; that's how he operates. We'll have to pay. Three hundred, are we agreed? +You know his friends...real animals. And his connections with the police. Sure he'd like us to tell him our plans so he can set us up for the cops and earn their gratitude. Then they would owe him a favor; that's how he operates. We'll have to pay. Three hundred, are we agreed? What can we do? +Vitone! Our driver has drunk too much wine. He's going to kill Fanucci. +He's going to kill Fanucci. Then, after that, what? Joe 'Little Knife' Pisani; Willie Bufalino, maybe, Mr. Maranzalla himself, c'mon! +Constanzia. We expected you last week; we sent the car to pick you up at the airport last week. I know, it was chaos; but anyway, here I am one week late. This is for my Mama. You remember Merle? +I know, it was chaos; but anyway, here I am one week late. This is for my Mama. You remember Merle? Yes, thank you. +Yes, thank you. How are the kids? +How are the kids? Well, thank you, they asked for you all week. +Well, thank you, they asked for you all week. I got surprises for everybody! +I got surprises for everybody! Bought at the airport. +Bought at the airport. This is swell. Where's Michael? I've got things to get straight with him and I can't wait on line. +This is swell. Where's Michael? I've got things to get straight with him and I can't wait on line. You go see your children first, and then you wait to see your brother like everybody else. +It means we should all live happily for one hundred years. The family. If my Father were alive, it'd be true. Connie. +Connie. Merle, have you met my sister-in- law Deanna? +How are you, honey? You've met Merle, haven't you. He was with me in Vegas. I saw him with you. +I saw him with you. We're going to Europe next week. I want to get passage booked on the Queen. +We're going to Europe next week. I want to get passage booked on the Queen. Why do you come to me? Why don't you go to a travel agent? +The ink on your divorce isn't dry. Your children see you on weekends; your oldest boy, Michael Francis... was in some trouble with the Reno police over some petty theft that you don't even know about. Michael... +Michael... You fly around the world with lazy young men who don't have any love for you, and use you like a whore. +You fly around the world with lazy young men who don't have any love for you, and use you like a whore. You're not my father! +You're not my father! Then why do you come to me? +Then why do you come to me? Because I need MONEY! +Because I need MONEY! Connie, I want to be reasonable with you. You have a house here, with us. You can live here with your kids...and you won't be deprived of anything. I don't know much about Merle; I don't know what he does for a living; what he lives on. Why don't you tell him marriage is really out of the question; and that you can't see him any more. He'll understand. But if you disobey me, and marry this pimp...it would disappoint me. +Connie, I want to be reasonable with you. You have a house here, with us. You can live here with your kids...and you won't be deprived of anything. I don't know much about Merle; I don't know what he does for a living; what he lives on. Why don't you tell him marriage is really out of the question; and that you can't see him any more. He'll understand. But if you disobey me, and marry this pimp...it would disappoint me. It was my father's money; and I'm entitled to what I need. Where is Tom Hagen? +Is Kay coming? No. +No. Michael, Fredo's in the house with Mama. He asked for you, and Tom said he couldn't see you. +Michael, Fredo's in the house with Mama. He asked for you, and Tom said he couldn't see you. Tom is right. +Tom is right. Kids, why don't you go outside for a while? +I want to talk to you, Michael. The children can stay. +The children can stay. I hated you for so long, Michael; for so many years. I think I did things to myself, to hurt myself, so that you would know -- and you would be hurt too. But I understand you now; I think I do. You were being strong for all of us, like Papa was. And I forgive you, and want to be close to you now. Can't you forgive Fredo; he's so sweet, and helpless without you. +Honey! Wait a minute; let's go for a drive. I just had a drive; besides, I want to see my brother-in-law Michael. +I just had a drive; besides, I want to see my brother-in-law Michael. Yeah, but I don't want him to see you. +Goddamn bitch. Relax, Freddie honey. Come dance with me. +Listen, Michael's got a lot of nice people here. Friends of Kay's. He'll never forgive me if you ruin his party. I hate to see you cringe in front of him. How come you're so scared of your own kid brother? +I hate to see you cringe in front of him. How come you're so scared of your own kid brother? He's the head of the family. +What's 'cent' Anne?' A hundred years...it's a toast. +I wanta dance...whatsa matter with that? Dancing is alright; you're falling on the floor. +Dancing is alright; you're falling on the floor. Whatsamatter, you don't want me to dance with him 'cause he's a man! +Whatsamatter, you don't want me to dance with him 'cause he's a man! Deanna, I'm going to belt you right in the mouth! +Deanna, I'm going to belt you right in the mouth! These Eye-ties are really crazy when it comes to their wives. +Deanna, will you get back into the house! I'm getting out of here I said; these guys all have guns! +I don't want to stay here... Mike, what can I do, she's a hysterical woman... +Would you like some? No, Dad. +No, Dad. Now what is this talk about joining the army? Eh? +Now what is this talk about joining the army? Eh? It's not talk; I'm doing it. +It's not talk; I'm doing it. You would risk your life for strangers? +You would risk your life for strangers? Not for strangers; for my country. +Not for strangers; for my country. Anyone not in your family, is a stranger. Believe me, when trouble comes, your country won't take care of you. +Anyone not in your family, is a stranger. Believe me, when trouble comes, your country won't take care of you. That's how it was in the old world, Pop, but this is not Sicily. +That's how it was in the old world, Pop, but this is not Sicily. I know. I know, Michael. It's Christmas, your brothers and sister are all here -- we are happy. Let's not spoil this. Go your own way, but when you are ready, come to me the way a son should. I have hopes for you... +Don Francesco. You murdered my husband, because he would not bend. And his oldest son Paolo, because he swore revenge. But Vitone is only nine, and dumb-witted. He never speaks. I'm not afraid of his words. +I'm not afraid of his words. He is weak. +He is weak. He will grow strong. +He will grow strong. The child cannot harm you. +The child cannot harm you. He will be a man, and then he will come for revenge. +Otherwise the police will come to see you and your wife and children will be dishonored and destitute. Of course, if my information as to your gains is incorrect, I'll dip my beak just a little. Just a little, but no less than one hundred dollars, and don't try to deceive me, eh paisan? My two friends have my share of the money. I'll have to speak to them after we deliver these to the wholesaler. +My two friends have my share of the money. I'll have to speak to them after we deliver these to the wholesaler. You tell your friends I expect them to let me wet my beak in the same manner. Don't be afraid to tell them. Clemenza and I know each other well, he understands these things. Let yourself be guided by him. He has more experience in these matters. +You tell your friends I expect them to let me wet my beak in the same manner. Don't be afraid to tell them. Clemenza and I know each other well, he understands these things. Let yourself be guided by him. He has more experience in these matters. You must understand, this is all new to me... +You must understand, this is all new to me... I understand... +I understand... But thank you for speaking to me as a Godfather. +But thank you for speaking to me as a Godfather. You're a good fellow. +I think there's only two hundred dollars under my hat. I'm right. Only two hundred dollars. I'm a little short. I've been out of work. Let me owe you the money for a few weeks. +I'm a little short. I've been out of work. Let me owe you the money for a few weeks. Ah, you're a sharp young fellow. How is it I've never noticed you before You're too quiet for your own interest. I could find some work for you to do that would be very profitable. No hard feelings, eh? If I can ever do you a service let me know. You've done a good job for yourself tonight. +Ten to one shot, you said. Ten to one shot in my favor, and I lose. Get a good night's sleep. We got a new suit, new shirt, new tie, and I'm going to shave you myself. Tomorrow we want you to look respectable for fifty million of your fellow Americans. +Get a good night's sleep. We got a new suit, new shirt, new tie, and I'm going to shave you myself. Tomorrow we want you to look respectable for fifty million of your fellow Americans. My life won't be worth a nickel after tomorrow. +My life won't be worth a nickel after tomorrow. We have a special home for you for the rest of your life. Nobody gets near you. You're not going any place. +We have a special home for you for the rest of your life. Nobody gets near you. You're not going any place. Yeah, some deal I made. +Why'd you do it, Frankie? After all these years, why'd you turn against him? I didn't turn against nobody; he turned against me. +Ready, Frankie. Let's go. +Who's that? Pentangeli? Frankie "Five-Angels"...thought you were never coming West. Gotta check up on my boys. Hey, what's with the food? Some kid in a white jacket brings me a ritz cracker with some chopped liver. 'Canapes,' he says. I say, 'Can a peas, my ass, that's a ritz cracker with chopped liver.' Go get me a salami sandwich and a glass of wine or I'll send you and your white jacket to the dry cleaners! +Gee, Frankie, it's good to see you. Reminds me of old times. You remember Willy Cicci, don't you, Freddie? We was all together with the old man Clemenza in Brooklyn... before...uh... +You remember Willy Cicci, don't you, Freddie? We was all together with the old man Clemenza in Brooklyn... before...uh... We were all upset about that. +We were all upset about that. That's what I'm here to talk to your brother about. What's with him, I got to get a letter of introduction to have a 'sitdown'? +That's what I'm here to talk to your brother about. What's with him, I got to get a letter of introduction to have a 'sitdown'? C'mon, I see what I can do. +Hey Mike, what can I say? Forget it, just go take care of her. +Hiya, Freddie Corleone. Mio fratello. +Oh, 'scuse me. It's all right. He stays with me all the time. +It's all right. He stays with me all the time. Oh. Mikey, what's up? I'm totally in the dark. +Oh. Mikey, what's up? I'm totally in the dark. We're making an investment in Havana. +We're making an investment in Havana. Great, Havana's great. Lots of activity in Havana! Anybody I know here. Five-Angels? Anybody? +Great, Havana's great. Lots of activity in Havana! Anybody I know here. Five-Angels? Anybody? Johnny Ola... Hyman Roth. +Johnny Ola... Hyman Roth. I never met them. +I never met them. Pentangeli's dead. He was ambushed by the Rosato Brothers. Didn't you know that? +Pentangeli's dead. He was ambushed by the Rosato Brothers. Didn't you know that? No. No, I didn't. Who tells me anything? I been kept in the dark so long, I'm getting used to it. +No. No, I didn't. Who tells me anything? I been kept in the dark so long, I'm getting used to it. I want you to help me, Fredo. +I want you to help me, Fredo. That's what I'm here for. +That's what I'm here for. Tonight I want to relax with you. The Senator from Nevada is here with some people from Washington. I want to show them a good time in Havana. +Tonight I want to relax with you. The Senator from Nevada is here with some people from Washington. I want to show them a good time in Havana. Count on me; that's my specialty. +Count on me; that's my specialty. I'd like to come along. There's been a lot of strain, and I've been cooped up in this room for three days. +I'd like to come along. There's been a lot of strain, and I've been cooped up in this room for three days. Me and you, great! Gimme an hour to wash my face and do my research and we'll have these Washington suckers right where you want 'em. Poor Frankie Five-Angels. He always wanted to die in bed...with a broad. +Jeeze, it's great you came along, Mike... You know, we've never spent a night out on the town together. I always thought you looked down on me for liking a good time. I never looked down on you, Fredo. You don't look down at a brother. +Mike, I got something special up my sleeve for these boys. You ever hear of "Superman?" And I don't mean the comic book. No. +No. Wait'll you see! +Mikey, why would they ever hit poor old Frankie Five-Angels? I loved that ole sonuvabitch. I remember when he was just a 'button,' when we were kids. We used to put bedsheets on our heads, you know, like we were ghosts. An' ole Frankie come peek into our room, we'd jump up, and he'd always pretend like he was really scared. You remember? It was hard to have him killed. +It was hard to have him killed. You? What do you mean you, I thought... +You? What do you mean you, I thought... It was hard to have him killed. +It was hard to have him killed. You? What do you mean you, I thought... +You? What do you mean you, I thought... It was Frankie tried to have me hit. +It was Frankie tried to have me hit. No. I mean, are you sure? +No. I mean, are you sure? You know otherwise, Freddie? +You know otherwise, Freddie? Me? NO, no, I don't know anything. Fellas! You're all falling asleep. We got to see Superman. +How is your wife, Fredo...your marriage? You know her; drives me crazy, one minute she's a popsicle, the next she's all vinegar. Sometimes I think... I think - I should a married someone, like you did. To have kids, to have a family. +"Yo soy un hombre sincero..." I am a sincere man, From the land of the palms... What's that? +What's that? The song. Are you sincere with me, Fredo? +The song. Are you sincere with me, Fredo? Sincere. What are you talking about, of course I'm sincere with you, Mike. +Sincere. What are you talking about, of course I'm sincere with you, Mike. Then I'm going to confide in you; trust you with something. +Then I'm going to confide in you; trust you with something. Mike, are you crazy, I'm your brother. +Mike, are you crazy, I'm your brother. Tonight we've been invited to a reception at the Presidential Palace; to bring in the New Year. You and I will go in a special car that's being sent. They'll have cocktails... then dinner, and a reception with the President. When it's over, it will be suggested that you take Questadt and his friends from Washington to spend the night with some women. I'll go home alone in the car; and before I reach the hotel, I'll be assassinated. +Tonight we've been invited to a reception at the Presidential Palace; to bring in the New Year. You and I will go in a special car that's being sent. They'll have cocktails... then dinner, and a reception with the President. When it's over, it will be suggested that you take Questadt and his friends from Washington to spend the night with some women. I'll go home alone in the car; and before I reach the hotel, I'll be assassinated. ...Who? +...Who? The same man who tried in Nevada... Hyman Roth, not Pentangeli. +The same man who tried in Nevada... Hyman Roth, not Pentangeli. But, you told me yourself... +But, you told me yourself... It was never Pentangeli... I've always known that. It was Roth all along. He talks to me as a son; as his successor, but the old man thinks he'll live forever. +It was never Pentangeli... I've always known that. It was Roth all along. He talks to me as a son; as his successor, but the old man thinks he'll live forever. What do you want me to do? +What do you want me to do? To go tonight, with me, as though we know nothing. I've already made my move. +To go tonight, with me, as though we know nothing. I've already made my move. What is it? Can I help? +What is it? Can I help? The old man will never bring in the New Year. +Fredo. Where are you going? Nowhere, Mike. I wanted to get a refill. How about you? +I don't have a lot to say, Michael. We have time. +We have time. I was kept pretty much in the dark. I didn't know all that much. +I was kept pretty much in the dark. I didn't know all that much. What about now, is there anything you can help me out with? +What about now, is there anything you can help me out with? I know they get Pentangeli, that's all I know. +I didn't know it was a hit. I swear to you I didn't know. Johnny Ola contacted me in Beverly Hills -- said he wanted to talk. He said you and Roth were in on some big deal, and there was a place for me in it if I could help them out. They said you were being tough on the negotiation, and if they had a little bit of help, they could close it fast and it would be good for you. And you believed that story. +And you believed that story. He said there was something good in it for me...me on my own. +He said there was something good in it for me...me on my own. I've always taken care of you. +I've always taken care of you. Taken care of me. Mike, you're my kid brother, and you take care of my. Did you ever think of that. Ever once? Send Fredo off to do this, send Fredo to take care of that... take care of some little unimportant night club here, and there; pick somebody up at the airport. Mike, I'm your older brother; I was stepped over! +Taken care of me. Mike, you're my kid brother, and you take care of my. Did you ever think of that. Ever once? Send Fredo off to do this, send Fredo to take care of that... take care of some little unimportant night club here, and there; pick somebody up at the airport. Mike, I'm your older brother; I was stepped over! It's the way Pop wanted it. +It's the way Pop wanted it. It wasn't the way I wanted it! I can handle things. I'm not dumb Christ, not like everyone says. I'm smart; and I want respect. +It wasn't the way I wanted it! I can handle things. I'm not dumb Christ, not like everyone says. I'm smart; and I want respect. There's nothing more you can tell me about this investigation? +There's nothing more you can tell me about this investigation? The lawyer; Questadt, he belongs to Roth. +The lawyer; Questadt, he belongs to Roth. You're nothing to me now, Fredo; not a brother, not a friend, I don't want to know you, or what happens to you. I don't want to see you at the hotels, or near my home. When you visit our Mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. Do you understand? +I know what you are thinking, Vitone, but you don't understand yet how things are. Fanucci is of the Black Hand. Everyone in the neighborhood pays him, even my father. He's an Italian? +He's an Italian? A pig of a Neaponitan. +Why? Why does he bother other Italians? Because he knows them; he knows they have no one to protect them. Vitone? What do you think of my angel? +Because he knows them; he knows they have no one to protect them. Vitone? What do you think of my angel? Beautiful. +Beautiful. Beautiful. +Beautiful. For you, she is beautiful. For me, there is only my wife! +For you, she is beautiful. For me, there is only my wife! I know. That's why I brought you with me! +I bet you can't guess what happened? What? +What? Some guys from Ninth Avenue jumped Fanucci today; slit his throat from ear to ear. +Some guys from Ninth Avenue jumped Fanucci today; slit his throat from ear to ear. No, I didn't know. Is he dead? +No, I didn't know. Is he dead? Nah. Those guys aren't murderers. They wanted to scare him, that's all. Make him look bad. +Nah. Those guys aren't murderers. They wanted to scare him, that's all. Make him look bad. In Sicily, when you attack a man, you had better finish him. +In Sicily, when you attack a man, you had better finish him. I wish they had. He takes fifty dollars a week from my father's cash drawer. But you can't kill a man like Fanucci. +I wish they had. He takes fifty dollars a week from my father's cash drawer. But you can't kill a man like Fanucci. Why? +Why? Because he's what we say... "connected"... You wait, see what happens to those guys from Ninth Avenue. +What did I tell you. The one who cut him was found in an alley. And the family of the others paid Fanucci all their savings to make him forswear his vengeance. And he agreed? +And he agreed? He took the money. Now he wants double from everybody in the neighborhood, including Papa. +The 'patrone' is here. Chi? +Chi? Roberto. Who owns the 'rat-holes.' +It's Michael's request...for your safety. We can send out for anything you need. I'm supposed to stay in my house. +I'm supposed to stay in my house. Within the compound will be fine. +Within the compound will be fine. I was supposed to take the children to New England next week. +I was supposed to take the children to New England next week. That's off now. +That's off now. I'm going to see my parents. +I'm going to see my parents. Kay, Michael didn't tell me a lot; and what he did tell me, I can't repeat. But the responsibility for you and the kids was the most important thing he left me with. +Kay, Michael didn't tell me a lot; and what he did tell me, I can't repeat. But the responsibility for you and the kids was the most important thing he left me with. How long does this go on? +How long does this go on? I don't know. I'm sorry, Kay... +I don't know. I'm sorry, Kay... Am I a prisoner? +Am I a prisoner? That's not the way we look at it. +... He said he had shot his Grandfather with a gun, and then he died in the garden. And he asked me... he asked me, Tom, if that meant now his father would shoot him out of... revenge. How does a four year old boy learn the word... 'revenge'? Kay... Kay... +Kay... Kay... What kind of a family is this... are we human beings? He knows his Father killed his Uncle Carlo. He heard Connie. +What kind of a family is this... are we human beings? He knows his Father killed his Uncle Carlo. He heard Connie. You don't know that's true. But Kay, just for the sake of an argument, let's assume it is, I'm not saying it is, remember, but... What if I gave you what might be some justification for what he did... or rather some possible justification for what he possibly did. +You don't know that's true. But Kay, just for the sake of an argument, let's assume it is, I'm not saying it is, remember, but... What if I gave you what might be some justification for what he did... or rather some possible justification for what he possibly did. That's the first time I've seen the lawyer side of you, Tom. It's not your best side. +That's the first time I've seen the lawyer side of you, Tom. It's not your best side. Okay, just hear me out. What if Carlo had been paid to help get Sonny killed? What if his beating of Connie that time was a deliberate plot to get Sonny out into the open? Then what? And what if the Don, a great man, couldn't bring himself to do what he had to do, avenge his son's death by killing his daughter's husband? What if that, finally, was too much for him, and he made Michael his successor, knowing that Michael would take that load off his shoulders, would take that guilt? +Okay, just hear me out. What if Carlo had been paid to help get Sonny killed? What if his beating of Connie that time was a deliberate plot to get Sonny out into the open? Then what? And what if the Don, a great man, couldn't bring himself to do what he had to do, avenge his son's death by killing his daughter's husband? What if that, finally, was too much for him, and he made Michael his successor, knowing that Michael would take that load off his shoulders, would take that guilt? He's not the same as when I met him. +He's not the same as when I met him. If he were, he'd be dead by now. You'd be a widow. You'd have no problem. +If he were, he'd be dead by now. You'd be a widow. You'd have no problem. What the hell does that mean? Come on, Tom, speak out straight once in your life. I know Michael can't, but you're not Sicilian, you can tell a woman the truth; you can treat her like an equal, a fellow human being. +If you told Michael what I've told you today, I'm a dead man. When is it finally over? I want it to be over before my baby is born. +When is it finally over? I want it to be over before my baby is born. I don't know. I hope soon; but it's not over yet, and that's why you and the kids have to come back to me. +Where's my wife? With Mama, putting the baby to sleep. Francesca's very happy. Michael was kind to her. She idolizes him. The children are all out in the speedboat. I'm going to my house. +He doesn't want my help any more. He doesn't need it. We don't know that's true, he never said that. +We don't know that's true, he never said that. I can feel it in the way he talks to me. +Just now when Johnny Ola showed up, he asked me to leave them alone. Ola is Hyman Roth's Sicilian contact. I was on the inside of ten, twenty meetings with him. But today Mike asked me to leave, like an outsider. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. +Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. It's as though he blames me for the ground the family lost when I was Consigliere to Sonny. +Hello? She's gone, Tom. +What do you mean gone? The Barretts from Rubicon Bay came by in a new speedboat. Rocco tried to say she wasn't in, but Kay spotted them and asked if they would take her and the kids for a ride. That was three hours ago. +The Barretts from Rubicon Bay came by in a new speedboat. Rocco tried to say she wasn't in, but Kay spotted them and asked if they would take her and the kids for a ride. That was three hours ago. Why didn't someone tell me! +Why didn't someone tell me! I wanted to tell you alone; your wife doesn't know what's going on. +You're going to talk to him now. Yes. +Yes. Will you tell him? +Will you tell him? I don't know. +Rocco! I know. I went down to the Barrett house. But she's gone. They drove her and the kids to North Tahoe airport. +I know. I went down to the Barrett house. But she's gone. They drove her and the kids to North Tahoe airport. Goddamn it, where were you? +Goddamn it, where were you? I was in my house. Willy tried, but it would have taken some strong-arm to stop her, and he figured you wouldn't want that. +She took a flight to San Francisco. We figure she's going to connect to New Hampshire; her parents' place. I can't let him down. +Me too, Tom? Yeah, give me a minute. +I'm sorry; of course, you know that. Two-thirty. That gives me time to see my boy. +Two-thirty. That gives me time to see my boy. Connie's outside. +Tom isn't going to sit in with us, Johnny. He only handles specific areas of the family business. Tom? Sure, Mikey. +If you need anything, just... Just tell Rocco I'm waiting. +There's a lot I can't tell you, Tom. I know that's upset you in the past; and you've felt that it was because of some lack of trust or confidence. But it is because I do trust you that I've kept so much secret from you. It's precisely that at this moment, you are the only one that I can completely trust. In time, you'll understand everything. But your people... Neri... Rocco; you don't think... +But your people... Neri... Rocco; you don't think... No, I have confidence in their loyalty... but this is life and death, and Tom, you are my brother. +Mikey, I hoped... No Tom, just listen. All my people are businessmen; their loyalty is based on that. One thing I learned from my father is to try to think as the people around you think...and on that basis, anything is possible. Fredo has a good heart, but he is weak...and stupid, and stupid people are the most dangerous of all. I've kept you out of things, Tom, because I've always known that your instincts were legitimate, and I wanted you to know very little of things that would make you an accomplice, for your own protection. I never blamed you for the setbacks the family took under Sonny; I know you were in a position of limited power, and you did your best to advise and caution him. What I am saying is that now, for how long I do not know, you will be the Don. If what I think has happened is true; I will leave tonight, and absolutely no one will know how to contact me. And even you are not to try to reach me unless it is absolutely necessary. I give you complete power: over Neri... Fredo, everyone. I am trusting you with the lives of my wife and children, and the future of this family, solely resting on your judgment and talent. +I've prepared this; have had it for over a month. It won't explain everything; but indicates where I will be, so in a sense, it is my life. Also, there are three tasks that must be executed immediately. Pop would have given those to Luca -- You knew Pop as well as anyone, act as though you were him. It discusses Kay as well; that will be the most difficult. The men who tried to kill me tonight, will never leave the estate. Will we...be able to get who ordered it out of them? +Will we...be able to get who ordered it out of them? I don't think so. Unless I'm very wrong...they're already dead. Killed by someone inside...very frightened that they botched it. That's why I am going to disappear in a few minutes, and leave everything to you. +I don't think so. Unless I'm very wrong...they're already dead. Killed by someone inside...very frightened that they botched it. That's why I am going to disappear in a few minutes, and leave everything to you. But if you're wrong... +But if you're wrong... If I'm wrong... +Do you think they have somebody to back up Cicci? No. But if they do have somebody, you'll do three years for perjury if you give them so much as a wrong middle name. +Did the boy get something from me for Christmas? I took care of it. +I took care of it. What was it, so I'll know. +What was it, so I'll know. A little care he can ride in with an electric motor. +Where's my brother? Roth got out on a private boat. He's in a hospital in Miami. Had a stroke but he's recovered okay. Bussetta's dead. +Roth got out on a private boat. He's in a hospital in Miami. Had a stroke but he's recovered okay. Bussetta's dead. I asked about Fredo? +I asked about Fredo? The new government arrested him, held him for a couple of days with a lot of the other casino people, including Roth's brother, Sam. The American Embassy arranged flights for citizens; I'm not sure, but I think he's somewhere in New York. +The new government arrested him, held him for a couple of days with a lot of the other casino people, including Roth's brother, Sam. The American Embassy arranged flights for citizens; I'm not sure, but I think he's somewhere in New York. I want you to reach Fredo. I know he's scared, but have one of our people reach him. Assure him that there will be no reprisals. Tell him that I know Roth misled him. +I want you to reach Fredo. I know he's scared, but have one of our people reach him. Assure him that there will be no reprisals. Tell him that I know Roth misled him. My information is that Fredo thought it was a kidnapping. Roth assured him nothing would happen to you. +My information is that Fredo thought it was a kidnapping. Roth assured him nothing would happen to you. They can come in now. +They can come in now. Wait... there's something else. +Wait... there's something else. Alright. +Go on, tell me. Kay had a miscarriage; she lost the baby. +Was it a boy or a girl? Mike, at three and a half... +Mike, at three and a half... What is it, can't you give me straight answers anymore! +What is it, can't you give me straight answers anymore! It was a boy. +It was a boy. And Kay...she's all right? +And Kay...she's all right? She took the Senate Investigation worse. +She took the Senate Investigation worse. Does she blame it on me? The baby? +Does she blame it on me? The baby? I don't know. +How did they get their hands on Pentangeli? Roth engineered it, Michael. He made Pentangeli think you hit him. Deliberately letting him get off alive. Then the New York detectives turned Frankie over to the FBI. My informants say he was half dead and scared stiff -- talking out loud that you had turned on him and tried to kill him. Anyway, they had him on possession, dealing in heroin, murder one and a lot more. There's no way we can get to him and you've opened yourself to five points of perjury. +He says he doesn't know anything, and I believe him. Roth played this one beautifully. Alright. I'm going to go outside and talk to Fredo. +Sit down, Tom. Have you heard about our friend and partner, Mr. Hyman Roth? I know he's in Israel. +They won't take him; not for a million, not for ten million. His medical condition is reported as... "terminal." +His medical condition is reported as... "terminal." He's been dying of the same heart attack for twenty years. +He's been dying of the same heart attack for twenty years. That plane goes to Miami... +That plane goes to Miami... I want it met. +I want it met. Mike, it's impossible. He'll be met by the Internal Revenue; the Customs Service, and half the FBI. +Mike, it's impossible. He'll be met by the Internal Revenue; the Customs Service, and half the FBI. I don't like it when you use the word impossible; nothing is impossible... +I don't like it when you use the word impossible; nothing is impossible... Mike, it would be like trying to kill the President; there's no way we can get to him. +Mike, it would be like trying to kill the President; there's no way we can get to him. I'm surprised at you, Tom. If there's anything certain; certain in life; if history has taught us anything, it's that you can kill... ANYBODY. But perhaps your relucatance is because you've come to tell me that you're moving your family to Vegas, that you've been offered the Vice-Presidency of the Houstan Hotels there. Or weren't you going to tell me at all? +I'm surprised at you, Tom. If there's anything certain; certain in life; if history has taught us anything, it's that you can kill... ANYBODY. But perhaps your relucatance is because you've come to tell me that you're moving your family to Vegas, that you've been offered the Vice-Presidency of the Houstan Hotels there. Or weren't you going to tell me at all? Are you so hungry for traitors; do you want to find them everywhere? +Are you so hungry for traitors; do you want to find them everywhere? They are everywhere! +They are everywhere! I turned Houstan down; I didn't see why I should tell you about an offer I turned down. Are you sure, Mikey? Are you sure of what we're doing; what we'll gain; what does the family gain? Forget that, Mike; I already know the answer. +I turned Houstan down; I didn't see why I should tell you about an offer I turned down. Are you sure, Mikey? Are you sure of what we're doing; what we'll gain; what does the family gain? Forget that, Mike; I already know the answer. I know you do, Tom. Then I can count on you to help me do the things I have to do. If not, call Houstan, and become a Vice-President. Take your family and your mistress and move them to Las Vegas. +I know you do, Tom. Then I can count on you to help me do the things I have to do. If not, call Houstan, and become a Vice-President. Take your family and your mistress and move them to Las Vegas. Why do you hurt me, Michael? I've always been loyal to you. +Why do you hurt me, Michael? I've always been loyal to you. Good. Then you're staying. +Good. Then you're staying. I'm staying. Don't ever enjoy the cruel part of all this; Sonny never listened to me about that. Now, explain everything to me. +Fifteen percent skim? Twenty-five this time. +It might show. Mike wants it. +We've never sent this much with one courier. Your plans are a little different this time. You skip Miami, and go straight to Geneva. It's to be deposited to this number. And it's got to be there by Monday morning, no slip-up. +What's up? No questions. +No questions. I got to ask questions, Tom, there's three million dollars cash in that pouch; Mike is gone and I have no word from him. +I got to ask questions, Tom, there's three million dollars cash in that pouch; Mike is gone and I have no word from him. Al, as far as you're concerned, I'm the Don. +Al, as far as you're concerned, I'm the Don. How do I know you haven't gone into business for yourself? +The High Court of Israel turned down his request to live as a 'returned Jew.' His passport's been invalidated except for return to the U.S. He landed in Buenos Aires yesterday, offered a gift of one million dollars if they would give him citizenship. They turned him down. He's going to try Panama... +I think I prefer to see my client privately. The room has a bug in it. +The room has a bug in it. I'd like to go outside with him, in the open air. +Everything is going to be okay, Frankie, don't worry. Did my brother go back? +Did my brother go back? Yeah, but don't worry. +Yeah, but don't worry. He's ten times tougher than me, my brother. He's old-fashioned. +He's ten times tougher than me, my brother. He's old-fashioned. Yeah. He wouldn't even go out to dinner. Just wanted to go home. +Yeah. He wouldn't even go out to dinner. Just wanted to go home. That's my brother. Nothing could get him away from that two mule town. He coulda been big over here -- he could of had his own Family. +That's my brother. Nothing could get him away from that two mule town. He coulda been big over here -- he could of had his own Family. You're right. +You're right. Tom, what do I do now? +Frankie, you were always interested in politics, in history. I remember you talking about Hitler back in '43. We were young then. Yeah, I still read a lot. They bring me stuff. +Yeah, I still read a lot. They bring me stuff. You were around the old timers who dreamed up how the Families should be organized, how they based it on the old Roman Legions, and called them 'Regimes'... with the 'Capos' and 'Soldiers,' and it worked. +You were around the old timers who dreamed up how the Families should be organized, how they based it on the old Roman Legions, and called them 'Regimes'... with the 'Capos' and 'Soldiers,' and it worked. Yeah, it worked. Those were great old days. We was like the Roman Empire. The Corleone family was like the Roman Empire. +Yeah, it worked. Those were great old days. We was like the Roman Empire. The Corleone family was like the Roman Empire. Yeah, it was once. +The Roman Empire... when a plot against the Emperor failed, the plotters were always given a chance to let their families keep their fortunes. Yeah, but only the rich guys. The little guys got knocked off. If they got arrested and executed, all their estate went to the Emperor. If they just went home and killed themselves, up front, nothing happened. +Yeah, but only the rich guys. The little guys got knocked off. If they got arrested and executed, all their estate went to the Emperor. If they just went home and killed themselves, up front, nothing happened. Yeah, that was a good break. A nice deal. +Don't worry about anything, Frankie Five-Angels. Thanks, Tom. Thanks. +...and the tape will be running. Actually, I've come with good news; the Corleone family has done you a favor. +What the hell are you talking about? We know you're a busy man, with plenty of enemies -- we saw the opportunity to do you a favor, and we did. No strings. +We know you're a busy man, with plenty of enemies -- we saw the opportunity to do you a favor, and we did. No strings. No strings. +No strings. You know there's a Senate Investigating Committee recently set up; we thought it would be unfortunate if they were to trace anything though-provoking to your name. +You know there's a Senate Investigating Committee recently set up; we thought it would be unfortunate if they were to trace anything though-provoking to your name. No one can trace anything to me; I pride myself on that. +No one can trace anything to me; I pride myself on that. Do you gamble? +Do you gamble? A little; what's so thought- provoking about that? +A little; what's so thought- provoking about that? Do you owe markers? +Do you owe markers? Maybe two, three thousand dollars. +There's thirty grand worth of paid off markers -- I never owed that much. Our mistake. But what does it matter; it was our money. We don't even expect thanks. +Our mistake. But what does it matter; it was our money. We don't even expect thanks. You paid off thirty grand I never owed. +You paid off thirty grand I never owed. We'll keep it quiet; the people who know are trustworthy...the Committee needn't find out. +We'll keep it quiet; the people who know are trustworthy...the Committee needn't find out. And what's the price of their not finding out. +And what's the price of their not finding out. Simple. Be friendly like us. Not hostile. +Simple. Be friendly like us. Not hostile. Thanks...friend. +Senator, my client would like to read a statement for the record. I don't think that's necessary. +I don't think that's necessary. Sir, my client has answered every question asked by this committee with the utmost cooperation and sincerity. He has not taken that Fifth Amendment as it was his right to do, and which because of the extreme legal complexity of this hearing, counsel advised him to do. So, I think in all fairness this committee should hear his statement and put it in the record. +Sir, my client has answered every question asked by this committee with the utmost cooperation and sincerity. He has not taken that Fifth Amendment as it was his right to do, and which because of the extreme legal complexity of this hearing, counsel advised him to do. So, I think in all fairness this committee should hear his statement and put it in the record. Very well. +Mr. Hagen, would you kindly identify to this committee that gentleman sitting on your right hand? Yes, sir. His name is Vincenzo Pentangeli. +Yes, sir. His name is Vincenzo Pentangeli. Is he related to the witness? +Is he related to the witness? He is, I believe, a brother. +Sir, the gentleman does not understand English. He would not in any case, take the stand. He came, at his own expense, to aid his brother in his trouble. He is not under any jurisdiction of our government and his reputation in his own country is impeccable. The witness is excused; take him out. +Senator Kane. This meeting is adjourned. +This meeting is adjourned. This committee owes an apology! +This committee owes an apology! The committee is adjourned until further notice. +Yes. I'm sorry, Mrs. Corleone. We're not to let you through. +I'm sorry, Mrs. Corleone. We're not to let you through. I'm going to the market. +I'm going to the market. If you could just give us a list, we'll pick up anything you want. +If you could just give us a list, we'll pick up anything you want. Whose orders are these? +Whose orders are these? Mr. Hagen's, ma'am. +Anthony, Daddy's busy. This is my boy, and my wife. Mr. John Ola of Miami. +This is my boy, and my wife. Mr. John Ola of Miami. I'm sorry, Michael. Senator Geary's here, and Mr. and Mrs. Barrett wanted to thank you before they left. Won't you join us, Mr. Ola? +I'm sorry, Michael. Senator Geary's here, and Mr. and Mrs. Barrett wanted to thank you before they left. Won't you join us, Mr. Ola? Mr. Ola's just leaving, Kay. Please tell the Senator I won't be a minute. +Kay. Yes, Michael. +How's the baby? Sleeping inside me. +Sleeping inside me. Does it feel like a boy? +Does it feel like a boy? Yes, Michael, it does. +Yes, Michael, it does. I'm sorry about some of the people I had to see today. It was bad timing... but it couldn't be helped. +I'm sorry about some of the people I had to see today. It was bad timing... but it couldn't be helped. It made me think of what you told me once. In five years, the Corleone family will be completely legitimate. That was seven years ago. +Leave her alone! You're talking as though she has no right to be frightened when there are machine guns going off in her backyard. Have Tom Hagen meet me in the Harbor House. +I had no idea... I wanted to see you before you went back to Nevada. Also, the children - Michael, they're here. +I wanted to see you before you went back to Nevada. Also, the children - Michael, they're here. Where? +Where? In a minute. They're outside with Esther. I'm very happy for you... I suppose I knew that you're simply too smart for anyone ever to beat you. +In a minute. They're outside with Esther. I'm very happy for you... I suppose I knew that you're simply too smart for anyone ever to beat you. Why don't you sit down? +Why don't you sit down? I'm not going to stay long; I can't. +I'm not going to stay long; I can't. There are a lot of things I want to talk to you about. Things I've been thinking about -- changes I want to make. +There are a lot of things I want to talk to you about. Things I've been thinking about -- changes I want to make. I think it's too late for changes, Michael. I promised myself I wouldn't talk about it and I've gone and spoiled it. +I think it's too late for changes, Michael. I promised myself I wouldn't talk about it and I've gone and spoiled it. Why too late? +Why too late? Tell me, Michael. What really happened with Pentangeli? +Tell me, Michael. What really happened with Pentangeli? His brother came to help him. +His brother came to help him. I didn't even know he had a brother. And where is he now? +I didn't even know he had a brother. And where is he now? On a plane back to Sicily. +On a plane back to Sicily. And that's all he had to do. Just show his face. +And that's all he had to do. Just show his face. That's all. You see, in Sicily, in the old days... there was only one legitimate reason to kill a blood relative... only one. IF he was a traitor. +That's all. You see, in Sicily, in the old days... there was only one legitimate reason to kill a blood relative... only one. IF he was a traitor. You would have killed his brother? +You would have killed his brother? Kay, you've got it wrong. That kind of thing's all over, I promised you. This was between the two brothers. Years ago Frankie had a young girlfriend; he called her his co-wife. That was his joke, but he meant it. He wouldn't divorce his wife... because she was a great cook. He said he girlfriend made a spaghetti sauce once and it was so terrible he knew he could never marry her. He set her up in a house in Jersey. She had to be faithful... and she had to have kids. And she did, two, a boy and a girl. He had her checked out and watched so she couldn't cheat... but the girl couldn't stand that kind of life. She begged him to let her go. He did. He gave her money and made her give up the kids. Then Frankie took them to Italy, and had them brought up by his brother Vincenzo. Where he knew they'd by safe. +When he saw his brother in the hearing room, he knew what was at stake. I don't think Vincenzo would have done it. He loves the kids, too. Omerta, Kay. Honor, silence. It had nothing to do with me. It was between those brothers. I'll bring the children up now; they want to say goodbye. +I'll bring the children up now; they want to say goodbye. Kay, I told you... +Kay, I told you... Goodbye, Michael. +Goodbye, Michael. I won't let you leave! Christ, do you think I'm going to let you leave. +I won't let you leave! Christ, do you think I'm going to let you leave. Michael. +Michael. No, I don't want to hear anything. There are things between men and women that will not change; things that have been the same for thousands of years. You are my wife, and they are my children... and I love you and I will not let you leave, because you are MINE! +No, I don't want to hear anything. There are things between men and women that will not change; things that have been the same for thousands of years. You are my wife, and they are my children... and I love you and I will not let you leave, because you are MINE! Oh, I do feel things for you, Michael; but now, I think it's pity. For the first time since I've known you, you seem so helpless. You held me a prisoner once; will you try again? +Oh, I do feel things for you, Michael; but now, I think it's pity. For the first time since I've known you, you seem so helpless. You held me a prisoner once; will you try again? If that's what it takes; then yes, I will. +If that's what it takes; then yes, I will. At this moment, I feel no love for you at all. I never thought that could happen, but it has. +At this moment, I feel no love for you at all. I never thought that could happen, but it has. We'll go back tonight. Bring the children. +We'll go back tonight. Bring the children. You haven't heard me. +How can I let you leave; how can I let you take my children away? Don't you know me? You understand, it's an impossibility. I would never let it happen; no, never, not if it took all my strength, all my cunning. But in time, soon, you'll feel differently. You see, you'll be happy that I stopped you. I know you. You'll forget about this; you'll forget about the baby we lost... and we'll go on, you and I. The baby I lost... +The baby I lost... I know what it meant... and I'm prepared to make it up to you. I will make changes; I can. I CAN change; that I have learned, that I have the strength to change... And we have another child, a boy... and you'll forget the miscarriage. +I know what it meant... and I'm prepared to make it up to you. I will make changes; I can. I CAN change; that I have learned, that I have the strength to change... And we have another child, a boy... and you'll forget the miscarriage. It wasn't a miscarriage. And you with your cunning, couldn't you figure it out! It was an abortion; an abortion, like our marriage is an abortion, something unholy and evil. I don't want your son; I wouldn't bring another of your sons into this world. An abortion, Michael... it was a son, and I had it killed, but this must all end! +Are you Klingman? Who's asking? +Who's asking? Where can we talk? +Where can we talk? Right here. +Right here. I represent the interests of the Corleone family. We make the invitation to you to tie up your affairs and be out of the hotel by Monday morning. +I represent the interests of the Corleone family. We make the invitation to you to tie up your affairs and be out of the hotel by Monday morning. Who do you think you're talking to? +Who do you think you're talking to? You said you were Klingman. +You said you were Klingman. You don't come in here, talk to an owner in Las Vegas like that. +You don't come in here, talk to an owner in Las Vegas like that. You missed my point; you are no longer an owner. +You missed my point; you are no longer an owner. Get out of my hotel. +It's Michael. How are you, Mom? I'm alright. Will you stay home for awhile? +I'm alright. Will you stay home for awhile? There are still things I have to do. +There are still things I have to do. Well, we can all have a nice dinner together tonight. How are your eyes? +Well, we can all have a nice dinner together tonight. How are your eyes? Alright. They bother me once in awhile. Tell me, when Pop had troubles... did he ever think, even to himself, that he had gone the wrong way; that maybe by trying to be strong and trying to protect his family, that he could... that he could... lose it instead? +Alright. They bother me once in awhile. Tell me, when Pop had troubles... did he ever think, even to himself, that he had gone the wrong way; that maybe by trying to be strong and trying to protect his family, that he could... that he could... lose it instead? You talk about the baby. She can have another baby. +You talk about the baby. She can have another baby. No, I meant lose his family. +No, I meant lose his family. Your family? How can you ever lose your family? +Your family? How can you ever lose your family? But times are different... +Sit down, this is almost over. You follow the baseball games? Not for a few years. +Not for a few years. I like sporting events -- I really enjoy watching them in the afternoon. One of the things I love about this country. I loved baseball ever since Arnold Rothstein fixed the World Series of 1919...I heard you had some trouble. +I like sporting events -- I really enjoy watching them in the afternoon. One of the things I love about this country. I loved baseball ever since Arnold Rothstein fixed the World Series of 1919...I heard you had some trouble. Yes. +Yes. What a mistake; people behaving like that, with guns. It was my understanding we left all that behind. But, let me tell you, the important thing is that you're all right. Good health is the most important thing; more than success; more than power; more than money. +What a mistake; people behaving like that, with guns. It was my understanding we left all that behind. But, let me tell you, the important thing is that you're all right. Good health is the most important thing; more than success; more than power; more than money. The incident of the other night is a nuisance that I can take care of. I came to you because I want nothing to affect our agreement; I wanted to clear everything I'm going to do with you, just in case. +The incident of the other night is a nuisance that I can take care of. I came to you because I want nothing to affect our agreement; I wanted to clear everything I'm going to do with you, just in case. You're a considerate young man. +You're a considerate young man. You're a great man, Mr. Roth, I have much to learn from you. +You're a great man, Mr. Roth, I have much to learn from you. However I can help you... +However I can help you... The Rosato Brothers have performed services for you in the past; I understand that they are under your protection. +The Rosato Brothers have performed services for you in the past; I understand that they are under your protection. We do favors for each other... +We do favors for each other... Technically, they are still under the Clemenza wing of the Corleone Family, now run by Frankie Pentangeli. After Clemenza died, the Rosatos wanted territory of their own. Pentangeli refused, and came to me, asking for permission to eliminate them. I, of course, knew of their relationship with you, and in gratitude for your help with the Tropicana matter, turned him down. Pentangeli was furious, and paid one hundred and fifty thousand dollars to have me killed. I was lucky and he was stupid. I'll visit him soon. The important thing is that nothing jeopardize our plans, yours and mine. This thing of ours, that we will build. +Nothing is more important. Pentangeli is a dead man; do you object? +Pentangeli is a dead man; do you object? It's always bad for business; but you have no choice. +It's always bad for business; but you have no choice. Then it's done. I must choose his replacement: it cannot be Rosato. +Then it's done. I must choose his replacement: it cannot be Rosato. Of course you must keep control of your family. +I still don't speak Spanish, Michael. It means... "The Lie." +Enjoy. I saw an interesting thing today. A man was being arrested by the Military Police; probably an urban guerrilla. Rather than be taken alive, he exploded a grenade hidden in his jacket, taking the command vehicle with him. +You have to be careful what you say in front of the others... they frighten easy. It's always been that way, most men frighten easy. We're making a big investment in Cuba. That's my only concern. +We're making a big investment in Cuba. That's my only concern. My concern is that the three million never arrived at Batista's numbered account in Switzerland. He thinks it's because you have second thoughts about his ability to stop the rebels. +My concern is that the three million never arrived at Batista's numbered account in Switzerland. He thinks it's because you have second thoughts about his ability to stop the rebels. The money was sent. +The money was sent. Then you have to trace it. Michael, people here look at me as a reliable man. I can't afford not to be looked on as a reliable man. But you know all that; there's nothing you can learn from me. You shouldn't have to put up with a sick old man as a partner. +Then you have to trace it. Michael, people here look at me as a reliable man. I can't afford not to be looked on as a reliable man. But you know all that; there's nothing you can learn from me. You shouldn't have to put up with a sick old man as a partner. I wouldn't consider anyone else. +I wouldn't consider anyone else. Except the President of the United States. +If only I could live to see it, kid; to be there with you. How beautifully we've done it, step by step. Here, protected, free to make our profits without the Justice Department, the FBI; ninety miles away in partnership with a friendly government. Ninety miles, just a small step, looking for a man who desperately wants to be President of the United States, and having the cash to make it possible. You'll be there to see it; you'll be there. +This doubles my investment. Still no word of your courier? We'll find him. But at least this will satisfy our friends here. You've been invited to the New Year reception at the Presidential Home. I understand your brother is here as well; I hope he'll come. +Still no word of your courier? We'll find him. But at least this will satisfy our friends here. You've been invited to the New Year reception at the Presidential Home. I understand your brother is here as well; I hope he'll come. Six million dollars in cash is a high price for a piece of a country in the middle of a revolution. +You're a careful kid, and that's good. But look. An international dispatch on the wire service. American journalism, not propaganda. The government troops have all but eliminated the rebels. All but their radio station. I've read it; I'm pleased that the government is doing so well. As a heavy investor, I'm pleased. How did the doctor find you? +I've read it; I'm pleased that the government is doing so well. As a heavy investor, I'm pleased. How did the doctor find you? Terrible. I'd give twice this amount to take a piss without it hurting. +Terrible. I'd give twice this amount to take a piss without it hurting. Who had Frankie Pantangeli killed? +Who had Frankie Pantangeli killed? Why...the Rosato Brothers. +Why...the Rosato Brothers. I know that; but who gave the go ahead. +I know it wasn't me...so that leaves you. There was this kid that I grew up with; he was a couple years younger than me, and sort of looked up to me, you know. We did our first work together, worked our way out of the street. Things were good and we made the most of it. During prohibition, we ran molasses up to Canada and made a fortune; your father too. I guess as much as anyone, I loved him and trusted him. Later on he had an idea to make a city out of a desert stop-over for G.I.'s on the way to the West Coast. That kid's name was Moe Greene, and the city he invented was Las Vegas. This was a great man; a man with vision and guts; and there isn't even a plaque or a signpost or a statue of him in that town. Someone put a bullet through his eye; no one knows who gave the order. When I heard about it I wasn't angry. I knew Moe; I knew he was headstrong, and talking loud, and saying stupid things. So when he turned up dead, I let it go, and said to myself: this is the business we've chosen. I never asked, who gave the go ahead because it had nothing to do with business. +Hiya, Mr. Corleone, I'm Sam Roth. Welcome to the Capri; my brother's upstairs. You wanta take a rest before you see him, or can I get you something, anything at all? No, I'm fine. +This is it! We think it makes Vegas look like the corner crap game. Very impressive. +Very impressive. Jake, Jake, come over here. Mike, I want you to meet Jake Cohen; he manages the casino for us. +It occurred to me: the police are paid to fight, and the Rebels are not. So? +So? So, that occurred to me. +You know my lawyer, Tom Hagen. Johnny Ola. Sure, I remember Tom from the old days. +I just left our friend in Miami. How is his health? +How is his health? Not good. +Not good. Is there anything I can do; anything I can send? +Is there anything I can do; anything I can send? He appreciates your concern, Michael, and your respect. +The hotel's registered owners are one Jacob Lawrence, and Sidney Barclay, both Beverly Hills attorneys. In reality it's split between the Old Lakeville Road Group from Cleveland, and our friend in Miami. He takes care of others outside the country, you know who I mean. Meyer Klingman runs the store, and does all right, but I've been instructed to tell you, that if you move him out, our friend in Miami will go along with you. He's very kind, tell him it's appreciated. I'm sure it will be profitable all the way around. +He's very kind, tell him it's appreciated. I'm sure it will be profitable all the way around. He always makes money for his partners. One by one, our old friends are gone. Death, natural or not, prison, deported. Our friend in Miami is the only one left, because he always made money for his partners. +They asked him to sign paper to take down the markers; but he got mad; told them to wait until he was finished. Let him gamble. +Let him gamble. Okay. You know he doesn't have that kind of money. +Are you the son of Vito Corleone? Yes. +I'm sure we all agree with our esteemed colleague. Now, Mr. Corleone, you have been advised as to your legal rights. We have had testimony from a preceding witness who states you are head of the most powerful Mafia family in this country. Are you? No. +No. This witness has testified that you are personally responsible for the murder of a New York Police Captain in the year 1947 and with him a man named Virgil Sollozzo. Do you deny this? +This witness has testified that you are personally responsible for the murder of a New York Police Captain in the year 1947 and with him a man named Virgil Sollozzo. Do you deny this? I deny his every charge. +I deny his every charge. Is it true that in the year 1950 you devised the murder of the heads of the Five Families in New York, to assume and consolidate your nefarious power? +Is it true that in the year 1950 you devised the murder of the heads of the Five Families in New York, to assume and consolidate your nefarious power? That is a complete falsehood. +That is a complete falsehood. Is it true that you own a controlling interest in three of the major hotels in Las Vegas? +Is it true that you own a controlling interest in three of the major hotels in Las Vegas? That is not true. I own some stock in some of the hotels, but only very small amounts. I also own some American Telephone and IBM stock. +Mr. Corleone, do you have any hotel interests in the state of Arizona? Or any gambling interests in that state? I do not. +I do not. Do you have interests or control over gambling and narcotics in the state of New York. +Do you have interests or control over gambling and narcotics in the state of New York. I do not. +I know. When do we talk? +When do we talk? After dinner. +Sure, Pete Clemenza died of a heart attack, but the Rosato Brothers gave it to him. We were all heartbroken at the news; but that wasn't cause to start a war. +We were all heartbroken at the news; but that wasn't cause to start a war. Okay, now it's my family in Brooklyn; and I wanna keep up Clemenza's loyalty to you. But how can I run my family with you challenging my every move? You're too far from the street, Mike, the only way to reason with the Rosato Brothers is to whack 'em and whack 'em fast. +Okay, now it's my family in Brooklyn; and I wanna keep up Clemenza's loyalty to you. But how can I run my family with you challenging my every move? You're too far from the street, Mike, the only way to reason with the Rosato Brothers is to whack 'em and whack 'em fast. You were unfair with them. +You were unfair with them. Says who? +Says who? Clemenza promised Rosato three territories in the Bronx after he died, and then you took over and welched. +Clemenza promised Rosato three territories in the Bronx after he died, and then you took over and welched. Clemenza promised them nothing, he hated the sonsuvbitches. +Clemenza promised them nothing, he hated the sonsuvbitches. They feel cheated. +They feel cheated. Michael, you're sitting up here in the Sierra Mountains with champagne cocktails making judgment on the way I run my family. +Michael, you're sitting up here in the Sierra Mountains with champagne cocktails making judgment on the way I run my family. Your family still carries the name Corleone, and you will run it like a Corleone! +Your family still carries the name Corleone, and you will run it like a Corleone! And while I feed my family in New York, you put the knife in my back in Miami. +And while I feed my family in New York, you put the knife in my back in Miami. Frankie, you're a good old man, and you've been loyal to my Father for years...so I hope you can explain what you mean. +Frankie, you're a good old man, and you've been loyal to my Father for years...so I hope you can explain what you mean. The Rosatos are running crazy; taking hostages, spitting in my face, because they're backed by the Jew in Miami. +The Rosatos are running crazy; taking hostages, spitting in my face, because they're backed by the Jew in Miami. I know. That's why I want you to be fair with them. +I know. That's why I want you to be fair with them. How can you be fair with animals? They recruit niggers and spicks; they do violence in their own Grandmother's neighborhoods. And everything is dope and whores; the gambling is left to last. Let me run my family without you on my back. I want them taken care of. +How can you be fair with animals? They recruit niggers and spicks; they do violence in their own Grandmother's neighborhoods. And everything is dope and whores; the gambling is left to last. Let me run my family without you on my back. I want them taken care of. No. There are things that I have planned with Hyman Roth. I don't want them disturbed. +No. There are things that I have planned with Hyman Roth. I don't want them disturbed. You give your loyalty to a Jew over your own blood. +You give your loyalty to a Jew over your own blood. Frankie, you know my father respected Roth, did business with him. +Frankie, you know my father respected Roth, did business with him. He did business...but he never trusted him. +Don Corleone, I wish you let me know you was coming. We could have prepared something for you. I didn't want you to know I was coming. You heard what happened in my home? +I didn't want you to know I was coming. You heard what happened in my home? Michael, yes, we was all relieved... +Michael, yes, we was all relieved... In my home! In the same room where my wife was sleeping; where my children come in their pajamas, and play with their toys. +I want you to help me take my revenge. Michael, anything. What is it I can do for you? +Michael, anything. What is it I can do for you? I want you to settle these troubles with the Rosato Brothers. +I want you to settle these troubles with the Rosato Brothers. I was just going to contact you, Michael; we just had a 'sit-down' - in fact, I just come from there. +I was just going to contact you, Michael; we just had a 'sit-down' - in fact, I just come from there. I want you to settle on their terms. +I want you to settle on their terms. Mike, I don't understand. Don't ask me to do that. +Mike, I don't understand. Don't ask me to do that. Trust me; do as I ask. +Trust me; do as I ask. It would be the beginning of the end for my family. How can I keep all my other territories in like if I let two wise-guys stand up and demand this and that, and then give it to them? +It would be the beginning of the end for my family. How can I keep all my other territories in like if I let two wise-guys stand up and demand this and that, and then give it to them? Frankie...do you respect me? Do I have your loyalty? +Frankie...do you respect me? Do I have your loyalty? Always... But sometimes I don't understand. I know I'll never have your kind of brains, in big deals. But Mike, this is a street thing. And Hyman Roth in Miami is behind the Rosato Brothers. +Always... But sometimes I don't understand. I know I'll never have your kind of brains, in big deals. But Mike, this is a street thing. And Hyman Roth in Miami is behind the Rosato Brothers. I know. +I know. Then why do you want me to lay down to them? +Then why do you want me to lay down to them? Frankie, Roth tried to have me killed. I'm sure it was him, but I don't know yet why. +Frankie, Roth tried to have me killed. I'm sure it was him, but I don't know yet why. Jesus Christ, Michael, then let's hit 'em now, while we still got the muscle. +Jesus Christ, Michael, then let's hit 'em now, while we still got the muscle. This was my father's old study. When I was a kid, we had to be quiet when we played near here. When I was older, I learned many things from him here. I was happy that this house never went to strangers; first Clemenza took it over, and then you. My father taught me, in this room, never to act until you know everything that's behind things. Never. If Hyman Roth sees that I interceded with you in the Rosato Brothers' favor, he'll think his relationship with me is still sound. I'm going somewhere to meet him tomorrow. We have friends in some very important business that we're making. Do this for me; you make the peace with the Rosato Brothers on their terms. Let the word out that I forced you; you're not happy wit hit, but acquiesced, just because of me. It will get back to Hyman Roth. Do this, Frankie. You can trust me. +This was my father's old study. When I was a kid, we had to be quiet when we played near here. When I was older, I learned many things from him here. I was happy that this house never went to strangers; first Clemenza took it over, and then you. My father taught me, in this room, never to act until you know everything that's behind things. Never. If Hyman Roth sees that I interceded with you in the Rosato Brothers' favor, he'll think his relationship with me is still sound. I'm going somewhere to meet him tomorrow. We have friends in some very important business that we're making. Do this for me; you make the peace with the Rosato Brothers on their terms. Let the word out that I forced you; you're not happy wit hit, but acquiesced, just because of me. It will get back to Hyman Roth. Do this, Frankie. You can trust me. Sure, Mike. I'll go along. +Sure, Mike. I'll go along. Good. +My lawyer, Tom Hagen. He arranged this all through your man Turnbull. I thought we would meet alone. +I thought we would meet alone. I trust these men with my life. They are my right arms; I cannot insult them by sending them away. +I trust these men with my life. They are my right arms; I cannot insult them by sending them away. Some water. +The Corleone family controls two major hotels in Vegas; one in Reno. The licenses were grandfathered in, so you had no difficulties with the Gaming Commission. But I have the idea from sources... ...that you're planning to move in on the Tropicana. In another week or so you'll move Klingman out, which leaves you with only one technicality. The license, which is now in Klingman's name. Turnbull is a good man. +Turnbull is a good man. Let's forget the bullshit, I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to. You can have the license for two hundred and fifty thousand in cash, plus a monthly fee equal to five percent of the gross... +Senator Geary, I speak to you as a businessman who has made a large investment in your state. I have made that state my home; plan to raise my children here. The license fee from the Gambling Commission costs one thousand dollars; why would I ever consider paying more? I'm going to squeeze you, Corleone, because I don't like you; I don't like the kind of man you are. I despise your masquerade, and the dishonest way you pose yourself and your fucking family. +We're all part of the same hypocrisy, Senator. But never think it applies to my family. All right, then let me say you'll pay me because it's in your interests to pay me. +They're still on the property. Maybe you better stay inside. Keep them alive. +We'll try. It's important. +Your family all seem to be okay in the other houses; your Mother's still sleeping. And? +And? No sign of them yet; but they're still on the Estate. +On the phone? No, she's here. +Rosato, where's your brother? Sitting right behind you. +He don't want to talk? We worked it all out beforehand. +We worked it all out beforehand. Are we going to eat or what? +Are we going to eat or what? Sure, on me. I got Diner's Club. +Sure, on me. I got Diner's Club. Forget it; I'm suddenly without an appetite. You're making big trouble, Carmine. +Forget it; I'm suddenly without an appetite. You're making big trouble, Carmine. You weren't straight with us, Frankie, what else could we do? +You weren't straight with us, Frankie, what else could we do? We could have talked first, saved a lot of running around. +We could have talked first, saved a lot of running around. You wasn't listening, you didn't want to talk. +You wasn't listening, you didn't want to talk. Don't I look like I'm listening? +Don't I look like I'm listening? We want Brooklyn one hundred percent. No more taxes to you. We want to be only loosely connected with your family -- sort of a under-family all of our own. Then we can act on all internal matters without talking. Also we want you to inform Michael Corleone that we can deal directly with him. +We want Brooklyn one hundred percent. No more taxes to you. We want to be only loosely connected with your family -- sort of a under-family all of our own. Then we can act on all internal matters without talking. Also we want you to inform Michael Corleone that we can deal directly with him. I'm a little hungry, maybe I'll order something. Joe. Get me some bracciole or something. And pay cash. And in return for these concessions, what do you do for me? +I'm a little hungry, maybe I'll order something. Joe. Get me some bracciole or something. And pay cash. And in return for these concessions, what do you do for me? We will release the hostages, number one. Number two, we're here for you to count on when you need us. We're independent, but we're here if you need us. In general, we'll cooperate with you and your businesses, and you in turn will cooperate with us. Pari persu. +We will release the hostages, number one. Number two, we're here for you to count on when you need us. We're independent, but we're here if you need us. In general, we'll cooperate with you and your businesses, and you in turn will cooperate with us. Pari persu. Pari Persu; what the fuck is Pari persu...? +Pari Persu; what the fuck is Pari persu...? My lawyer went over this beforehand. +My lawyer went over this beforehand. What assurances do I have that there will be no more kidnapping, no more hits? +What assurances do I have that there will be no more kidnapping, no more hits? The same assurance we got from you. +The same assurance we got from you. What if I say shove it? +What if I say shove it? Then Carmine Fucillo and Tony Blue DeRosa will need to be fitted for slabs. +Then Carmine Fucillo and Tony Blue DeRosa will need to be fitted for slabs. You want a war? +You want a war? We got no choice. +We got no choice. You know if there's a way I'll go to the commission and the commission will side with me. That puts me and the other New York families against you. +You know if there's a way I'll go to the commission and the commission will side with me. That puts me and the other New York families against you. We got friends in the commission. +We got friends in the commission. I'm talking about Italians! +I'm talking about Italians! What about Michael Corleone? +What about Michael Corleone? He supports me. +He supports me. Maybe, yes... maybe no. +What's this? That's a lucky C note for our new deal. +I have already rented the apartment to another family. I told her I would speak to you, that you are a reasonable man who acted out of some misunderstanding. She has gotten rid of the animal that caused all the trouble, so why shouldn't she stay. As one Italian to another, I ask you the favor. +I told her I would speak to you, that you are a reasonable man who acted out of some misunderstanding. She has gotten rid of the animal that caused all the trouble, so why shouldn't she stay. As one Italian to another, I ask you the favor. I've already rented it; I cannot disappoint the new tenants. They're paying a higher rent. +I've already rented it; I cannot disappoint the new tenants. They're paying a higher rent. How much more a month? +How much more a month? Eh... Five dollars more. +Here is the six month's increase in advance. You needn't speak to her about it, she's a proud woman. See me again in another six months. But of course, you'll let her keep her dog. Like hell! And who the hell are you to give me orders. Watch your manners or you'll be on your Sicilian ass in the street there. +Excuse me, I hope I am not a disturbance, Don Corleone. Yes. +Yes. What a terrible misunderstanding. Of course, Signora Colombo can stay in the flat. Who were those miserable tenants to complain about noise from a poor animal...when they pay such low rent. +Your good heart in helping the poor widow has shamed me, and I want to show that I, too, have some Christian charity. Her rent will remain what it was. What was that? +What was that? In fact, reduced, bu five dollars! +I accept your generosity... I won't keep you another minute... +Thanks, doll. I say let loverboy watch his movie. And be grateful Boone's not cutting Shirley Temple's lawn. +I say let loverboy watch his movie. And be grateful Boone's not cutting Shirley Temple's lawn. Why is everybody giving me crap tonight? +What makes you say that? Just thinking out loud. +Just thinking out loud. Yeah, well keep your filthy thoughts to yourself. +Yeah, well keep your filthy thoughts to yourself. All right, then. He's interested in you for your conversation. We know what a great talker you are. +All right, then. He's interested in you for your conversation. We know what a great talker you are. Fuck you. +Fuck you. Not anymore you don't. Doll. +Not anymore you don't. Doll. We're watching the movie, Harry. You got that! We are watching my fucking movie. +This looks corny. Go wash glasses if you don't like it. +These old movies are such a hoot. They thought they were being scary, but they're just funny. Maybe it's supposed to be funny. +Maybe it's supposed to be funny. Funny is funny and scary is scary. You don't mix them. +So what did you think? Weird. +You know what? I think you guys are all jealous. What's to be jealous of? +What's to be jealous of? I've gotten to know someone who's famous. +I've gotten to know someone who's famous. Not so famous any of us have ever heard of him. +Not so famous any of us have ever heard of him. If he were that famous, he probably wouldn't give me the time of day. This way, he's like my famous person. Yeah, my own personal famous person. Who treats me like I'm somebody worth talking to. +What's that mean? It means it's too cold to go swimming. And I don't mean the water. +It means it's too cold to go swimming. And I don't mean the water. I wasn't going to try anything. +I wasn't going to try anything. Yeah, and I'm never going to smoke another cigarette. +This old guy -- he's the kind of person I expected to meet when I moved out here. Someone who's done things with his life. Do you realize you're more interested in this old goober than you ever were in me? +Do you realize you're more interested in this old goober than you ever were in me? It's different. He's a man. And by the way you have no business calling him a homo. +It's different. He's a man. And by the way you have no business calling him a homo. It never crossed your mind? +It never crossed your mind? He's an artist. Anyway, he's too old to think about sex. +He's an artist. Anyway, he's too old to think about sex. All the old men I know think about nothing but sex. +You picked up that girl right in front of me. Hey, no strings, right? That's what you always said. Just good pals who have the hots for each other. +Hey, no strings, right? That's what you always said. Just good pals who have the hots for each other. It still hurt. A lot. +It still hurt. A lot. I didn't mean to... +I didn't mean to... No, I'm actually kind of glad it happened. It made me wonder what the hell I was doing with my life. Letting you pull me into bed whenever the spirit moved you. +No, I'm actually kind of glad it happened. It made me wonder what the hell I was doing with my life. Letting you pull me into bed whenever the spirit moved you. You liked it too. +You liked it too. Sure. I loved it. +Sure. I loved it. If you enjoy it, you should do it. +If you enjoy it, you should do it. You know, I just can't do that anymore. I still have time to get things right. Get married again -- +You know, I just can't do that anymore. I still have time to get things right. Get married again -- You mean us? +The look on your face! You're not marriage material. You're not even boyfriend material. You're a kid. A big, fun, slightly irresponsible kid. I'm not a kid. +I'm not a kid. What are you then? What will you be ten years from now? Still cutting lawns? Still banging horny divorcees in your trailer? +I like my life. I'm a free man. Sure you're free, for now at least. But how long before you're just alone? Pathetic and alone. +So you don't want to fuck. That's what you're telling me? Is that all this conversation means to you? Am I going to put out or not? +Is that all this conversation means to you? Am I going to put out or not? Damn straight. I'm sick of playing games. +Don't worry, you already paid me. I'm here because -- The Master is waiting for you. +It's your job, lady, not mine. I'm here so he can draw my picture. I'm keeping away. What you are doing is no business of mine. +I'm keeping away. What you are doing is no business of mine. What're you talking about? +What're you talking about? What kind of man are you? Are you a good man? +What kind of man are you? Are you a good man? Yeah, I'm a good man. Something make you think I'm not? +Yeah, I'm a good man. Something make you think I'm not? You will not hurt him? +You will not hurt him? Gimme a break. I'm going to sit on my ass while he draws pictures. Is that going to hurt him? +Gimme a break. I'm going to sit on my ass while he draws pictures. Is that going to hurt him? No. No. I am sorry. Forget everything I say. Here. I will take the tray. +No. No. I am sorry. Forget everything I say. Here. I will take the tray. You do that. +Something I can do for you? The Master wants to know if you are free for lunch. I tell him you will be having other plans, but he insists I ask. +The Master wants to know if you are free for lunch. I tell him you will be having other plans, but he insists I ask. Got a lawn this afternoon, but I'm free until then. +Got a lawn this afternoon, but I'm free until then. Expect nothing fancy. +The Master is dressing. I am to offer you a drink. There is whiskey and there is iced tea. Tea is fine. +No. You are a guest now. You go in the living room. That's okay, Hanna. I'm more comfortable in here. It is Hanna, isn't it? +How long you worked for Mr. Whale? Long enough. Fifteen years. +Long enough. Fifteen years. I bet you've seen a lot of famous people come and go? Movie stars? +I bet you've seen a lot of famous people come and go? Movie stars? No. We live simply, Mr. Jimmy and I. People come to play bridge. And now and then, young men to swim. You have people, Boone? +No. We live simply, Mr. Jimmy and I. People come to play bridge. And now and then, young men to swim. You have people, Boone? You mean family? All in Joplin, Missouri. +You mean family? All in Joplin, Missouri. Your wife? +Your wife? I'm not married. +I'm not married. Why? +Why? Oh, I don't know. Because no girl in her right mind will have me? +Oh, I don't know. Because no girl in her right mind will have me? A man who is not married has nothing. He is a man of trouble. You need a woman. +A man who is not married has nothing. He is a man of trouble. You need a woman. You proposing what I think you're proposing? Don't you think I'm a little young for you? +You ever been married, Hanna? Of course. I am married still. +Of course. I am married still. Yeah? What's your husband do? +Yeah? What's your husband do? He is dead now, twenty years. +He is dead now, twenty years. Then you're as single as I am. +Then you're as single as I am. No. I have children, grandchildren too. I visit when I can. But now that Mr. Jimmy cannot be left very long, I do not get away much. Poor Mr. Jimmy. There is much good in him, but he will suffer the fires of hell. Very sad. +No. I have children, grandchildren too. I visit when I can. But now that Mr. Jimmy cannot be left very long, I do not get away much. Poor Mr. Jimmy. There is much good in him, but he will suffer the fires of hell. Very sad. You're sure of that? +You're sure of that? This is what the priests tell me. His sins of the flesh will keep him from heaven. +This is what the priests tell me. His sins of the flesh will keep him from heaven. Sins of the flesh? Everybody has those. +Sins of the flesh? Everybody has those. No. His is the worse. The unspeakable. The deed no man can name without shame? +What is the good English? All I know is bugger. He is a bugger. Men who bugger each other. A homo? +A homo? Yes! You know? +That is why he must go to hell. I do not think it fair. But God's law is not for us to judge. You're telling me Mr. Whale is a homo. +You're telling me Mr. Whale is a homo. You did not know? +You did not know? Well...no, not really -- +Well...no, not really -- You and he are not doing things? +You and he are not doing things? No! +No! Good. That is what I hope. I did not think you a bugger too. I fear only that you might hurt him if he tries. +Good. That is what I hope. I did not think you a bugger too. I fear only that you might hurt him if he tries. I'm not going to hurt anyone. +I'm not going to hurt anyone. Yes. I trust you. +It's not what you think. I have brought you your clothes. All I ask is that you get dressed and go. We are having a guest for breakfast. +I have brought you your clothes. All I ask is that you get dressed and go. We are having a guest for breakfast. I need to talk to you about Mr. Whale. +I need to talk to you about Mr. Whale. There is nothing you can say that will surprise me. +There is nothing you can say that will surprise me. Maybe. But I still need to talk. Do I have time for a cup of coffee before I go? +Maybe. But I still need to talk. Do I have time for a cup of coffee before I go? I blame my daughter for keeping me out so late. I only hope you did not get him excited. It could give him a new stroke. +Thanks. Why do you do it? What do I do? +What do I do? Take care of Mr. Whale like he was your flesh and blood. +Take care of Mr. Whale like he was your flesh and blood. It is my job. I did it when he was happy and it was easy. It is only fair I do it now when he is ill. Enough talk. I must wake up the master. +What have you done with him? I put him to bed. He's not there? +I didn't do it. This wasn't me. Oh, Mr. Jimmy. +Oh, Mr. Jimmy. He wanted me to kill him, but I didn't. He did it himself. +He wanted me to kill him, but I didn't. He did it himself. He says here good-bye. I find it in his room. He is sorry, he says. He has had a wonderful life. +You must leave. You were not here this morning. But I didn't do this! +But I didn't do this! The police will not know that. They will want to investigate. +The police will not know that. They will want to investigate. We have his note. +We have his note. Do you want to be questioned about you and Mr. Jimmy? Please, Clayton. It will be better if I find the body alone. +Do you want to be questioned about you and Mr. Jimmy? Please, Clayton. It will be better if I find the body alone. But how're you going to explain this? How did you get him out of the pool? +But how're you going to explain this? How did you get him out of the pool? You are right. Yes. We must put him back. +Good morning. Mornin'. +Mornin'. My name is Whale. This is my house. +My name is Whale. This is my house. Nice place. +Nice place. And your name is --? +And your name is --? Boone. Clayton Boone. +Boone. Clayton Boone. I couldn't help but notice your tattoo. That phrase? Death Before Dishonor. What does it mean? +I couldn't help but notice your tattoo. That phrase? Death Before Dishonor. What does it mean? Just that I was in the Marines. +Just that I was in the Marines. The Marines. Good for you. You must have served in Korea. +Getting to be a warm day. A scorcher, as you Yanks call it. Yeah. I better get on with my work. +Everything alright, Mr. Boone? Just got away from me. Sorry to disturb you. +I was just about to ask Hanna to bring down iced tea. I'd like it very much if you'd join me. I stink to high heaven right now. +I stink to high heaven right now. The honest sweat of one's brow. I assure you I won't be offended. Let me tell Hanna to bring tea for two. +Or would you prefer a beer? No. Iced tea's fine. +No. Iced tea's fine. Splendid. +These are your paintings? What? Oh yes. +What? Oh yes. Excuse me, but -- are you famous? +Excuse me, but -- are you famous? You know what they say. If you have to ask -- +You know what they say. If you have to ask -- I'm just a hick who cuts lawns. But some of these look familiar. +I'm just a hick who cuts lawns. But some of these look familiar. They were familiar when I painted them. That one's copied from a Dutch still life done almost three hundred years ago. And that's a Rembrandt. +They were familiar when I painted them. That one's copied from a Dutch still life done almost three hundred years ago. And that's a Rembrandt. They're just copies then. Gotcha. +They're just copies then. Gotcha. But before I retired, you might say I had a brief time in the sun. Fame, as it were. Tell me, do you like motion pictures? +But before I retired, you might say I had a brief time in the sun. Fame, as it were. Tell me, do you like motion pictures? Sure, everybody does. When I was a kid I'd go with my sister twice a week. Why? Were you an actor or something? +Sure, everybody does. When I was a kid I'd go with my sister twice a week. Why? Were you an actor or something? In my youth, yes, but never in Hollywood. No, I was merely a director here. +In my youth, yes, but never in Hollywood. No, I was merely a director here. Yeah? What were some of your movies? +Yeah? What were some of your movies? "This and that. The only ones you maybe have heard of are the ""Frankenstein"" pictures." +"This and that. The only ones you maybe have heard of are the ""Frankenstein"" pictures." Really? +"""Frankenstein"" and ""Bride of"" and ""Son of"" and all the rest?" I made only the first two. The others were done by hacks. +I made only the first two. The others were done by hacks. Still. You must be rich. Making a couple of famous movies like those. +Still. You must be rich. Making a couple of famous movies like those. Merely comfortable. Here's Hanna with our refreshments. Can you get the door? +When they stay in your employ too long, servants begin to think they're married to you. Please, Mr. Boone. Help yourself. What did she mean by going flooey? +What did she mean by going flooey? I returned recently from a stay in hospital. +I returned recently from a stay in hospital. What was wrong? +What was wrong? Nothing serious. A touch of stroke. +You must excuse me for staring, Mr. Boone. But you have a marvelous head. Huh? +Huh? To an artistic eye, you understand. Have you ever modeled? +To an artistic eye, you understand. Have you ever modeled? You mean, like posed for pictures? +You mean, like posed for pictures? Sat for an artist. Been sketched. +Sat for an artist. Been sketched. What's to sketch? +What's to sketch? You have the most architectural skull. And your nose. Very expressive. +You have the most architectural skull. And your nose. Very expressive. Broke is more like it. +Broke is more like it. But expressively broken. How did it happen? +But expressively broken. How did it happen? Football in college. +Football in college. You went to university? +You went to university? Just a year. I dropped out to join the Marines. +Just a year. I dropped out to join the Marines. Yes. You were a Marine. +I apologize for going on like this. It's the Sunday painter in me. Of course I can understand your refusal. It's a great deal to ask of someone. You mean -- you really want to draw me? +You mean -- you really want to draw me? Indeed. I'd pay for the privilege of drawing your head. +Indeed. I'd pay for the privilege of drawing your head. But why? +But why? Even an amateur artist needs a subject to inspire him. +Even an amateur artist needs a subject to inspire him. And it's just my head you want? Nothing else? +And it's just my head you want? Nothing else? What are you suggesting? You'll charge extra if I include a hand or a bit of shoulder. +What are you suggesting? You'll charge extra if I include a hand or a bit of shoulder. You don't want to draw pictures of me in my birthday suit, right? +You don't want to draw pictures of me in my birthday suit, right? I have no interest in your body, Mr. Boone. I can assure you of that. +All right then. Sure. I could use the extra dough. Excellent. We'll have a most interesting time. +Did you see this? They're showing one of your movies tomorrow night. You don't say? Which picture? +You don't say? Which picture? """Bride of Frankenstein.""" +"""Bride of Frankenstein.""" "Hmmm. I much prefer ""Show Boat"" or ""The Invisible Man."" Shall we begin?" +That shirt, Mr. Boone. It's new. +It's new. I'm sorry. It's too white, too distracting. Would it be asking too much for you to take it off? +I'm sorry. It's too white, too distracting. Would it be asking too much for you to take it off? I'm not wearing an undershirt. +I'm not wearing an undershirt. Pish posh, Mr. Boone. I'm not your Aunt Tilly. +Pish posh, Mr. Boone. I'm not your Aunt Tilly. But it's just my face you want to draw. +But it's just my face you want to draw. Oh if it's going to make you uncomfortable... Perhaps we can find something else for you to wear. +We could wrap this like a toga around your shoulders. Would that help you overcome your schoolgirl shyness? All right already. I'll take it off. Kind of warm in here anyway. +Take a picture, it lasts longer. That's exactly what I intend to do. +Would you be more comfortable barefoot? Feel free to remove your boots and socks. No. I'm fine. +No. I'm fine. It's a bit like being at the doctor, isn't it? You have to remain perfectly still while I examine and scrutinize you. +Dripping? Do you ever eat dripping in this country? The fat from roasts and such, congealed in jars. Used like butter on bread. Sounds like something you feed the dog. +Sounds like something you feed the dog. It is. Only the poorest families ever ate it. We kept ours in a crockery jar. +It is. Only the poorest families ever ate it. We kept ours in a crockery jar. Your family ate dripping? +Your family ate dripping? Of course not. As I said, only poor people -- +I'm sorry. I've just realized how terribly ironic it all is. What? +What? I've spent most of my life outrunning my past. Now it's flooding all over me. +There's something about the openness of your face that makes me want to speak the truth. Yes, my family ate dripping. Beef dripping and four to a bed, and a privy out back in the alley. Are you also from the slums, Mr. Boone? We weren't rich. But we weren't poor either. +We weren't rich. But we weren't poor either. No, you were middle class, like all Americans. +No, you were middle class, like all Americans. I guess you'd say we lived on the wrong side of the tracks. +I guess you'd say we lived on the wrong side of the tracks. In Dudley there were more sides of the tracks than any American can imagine. Every Englishman knows his place. And if you forget, there's always someone to remind you. My family had no doubts about who they were. But I was an aberration in that household a freak of nature. I had imagination, cleverness, joy. Where did I get that? Certainly not from them. +You have to excuse me, Mr. Boone. Since my stroke, I am often overcome with nostalgia. I don't mind. I'm not crazy about my old man either. +How are you, Mr. Boone? So glad you are free for lunch. All right, I guess. +All right, I guess. I assume you worked up an appetite with your labor. +Do you mind? Go ahead. +Is this David's doing? This David's a friend? +This David's a friend? Yes. An old, useless friend. You must excuse me, Mr. Boone. This is a world I finished with long ago. I pay them no mind and expect them to return the compliment. Lunch should be ready. Shall we? +Saw your movie the other night. Watched it with some friends. Did you now? +Did you now? I liked it. We all did. +I liked it. We all did. Did anyone laugh? +Did anyone laugh? No. +No. Pity. People are so earnest nowadays. +Pity. People are so earnest nowadays. Why? Was it supposed to be funny? +Why? Was it supposed to be funny? Of course. I had to make it interesting for myself, you see. A comedy about death. The trick is not to ruin it for anyone who isn't in on the joke. But the Monster never receives any of my gibes. He is noble. Noble and misunderstood. +Did you kill anyone? I don't like to talk about that. +I don't like to talk about that. It's nothing to be ashamed of, in the service of one's country. That's something to be proud of. +It's nothing to be ashamed of, in the service of one's country. That's something to be proud of. Proud? Any jerk with a gun can kill someone. +Proud? Any jerk with a gun can kill someone. Quite true. Hand-to-hand combat is the true test. Did you ever slay anyone hand-to-hand? +Quite true. Hand-to-hand combat is the true test. Did you ever slay anyone hand-to-hand? No. I could have, though. +No. I could have, though. Yes, I believe you could. How free is your schedule this afternoon? +Yes, I believe you could. How free is your schedule this afternoon? Full up. I got the hedges to do here, then another lawn out by La Cienega. +Full up. I got the hedges to do here, then another lawn out by La Cienega. What is we say phooey to the hedges? Could you spare an hour after lunch? To sit for me? +What is we say phooey to the hedges? Could you spare an hour after lunch? To sit for me? Can't today. +Can't today. I'll pay our going rate. Plus what you'd get if you did the hedges. +I'll pay our going rate. Plus what you'd get if you did the hedges. Sorry. I don't feel like sitting still today. +Sorry. I don't feel like sitting still today. All righty. I understand. +Just a trim. And mine while you're at it. Fingers are a bit stiff today. You ever been married, Mr. Whale? +You ever been married, Mr. Whale? No. At least not in the legal sense. +So you had a wife? Or a husband. Depending on which of us you asked. My friend David. He lived here for many years. +Does that surprise you? No, I -- you're a homosexual. +No, I -- you're a homosexual. Oh dear. If one must have a clinical name. +Oh dear. If one must have a clinical name. I'm not, you know. +I'm not, you know. I never thought you were. +I never thought you were. You don't think of me that way, do you? +You don't think of me that way, do you? What way might that be? +What way might that be? You know. Look at me like -- like I look at women. +You know. Look at me like -- like I look at women. Don't be ridiculous. I know a real man like you would break my neck if I so much as laid a hand on him. Besides, you're not my type. +So we understand each other? What you do is no business of mine. Live and let live, I say. +What you do is no business of mine. Live and let live, I say. I hope this has nothing to do with your refusing to sit for me today? +I hope this has nothing to do with your refusing to sit for me today? No. I -- +Can I see what you did so far? It will only make you self-conscious. You'll have to remove your shirt. +It will only make you self-conscious. You'll have to remove your shirt. Sorry. Not today. +Sorry. Not today. But we have to match the other sketch. +But we have to match the other sketch. I just feel more comfortable keeping it on. You just said you didn't want me self-conscious. +Oh dear. I have made you nervous. I'm fine. I'd just rather keep it on. +I'm fine. I'd just rather keep it on. Suppose we unbutton the top and pull it down around your shoulders? Two buttons. Is that so much to ask? Just two little buttons. +I don't mean to be a prick, but that's how I feel. Of course. I don't want to scare you off. Not before I'm finished with you. +Tell me more about yourself, Mr. Boone. You have a steady companion? Not at the moment. +Not at the moment. Why not? +Why not? You know how it is. You have to kiss ass just to get a piece of it. +You know how it is. You have to kiss ass just to get a piece of it. Very well put. +Very well put. The world is just one kiss-ass game after another. A man has to make up his own life, alone. +The world is just one kiss-ass game after another. A man has to make up his own life, alone. Ah. A philosopher. +Ah. A philosopher. Thoreau with a lawnmower. +Thoreau with a lawnmower. I like that. But take care, Mr. Boone. Freedom is a drug, much like any other. Too much can be a very bad thing. +Is that why you and your friend split up? Because you wanted to be free? In a way, yes. I suppose so. I know it's why I stopped making pictures. +"You might not think it to look at me now, but there was a time when I was at the very pinnacle of my profession. The horror movies were behind me. I'd done ""Show Boat."" Major success. Great box office. Now I was to do something important. ""The Road Back."" An indictment of the Great War and what it did to Germany. It was to be my masterpiece." What happened? +What happened? The fucking studio butchered it. It was 1937, Hitler's armies were already massing -- and still the New York bankers stood in line to curry his favor. Anything to avoid losing the German market. They cut away the guts and brought in another director to add slapstick. The picture laid an egg, a great expensive bomb. For which I was blamed. +After that, I went out of fashion. I was no longer able to command the best projects, so I walked away. Why should I spend my time working in such a dreadful business? Do you miss it? +Do you miss it? It's so far in the past now. Over fifteen years -- +I think we all want to feel we've left our mark on the world. Yes. I wish I had done more work. You've done a helluva lot more than most people. +You've done a helluva lot more than most people. Better work. +"But I chose freedom. David was still in the thick of it, his life full of anxiety and studio intrigue. I didn't fancy spending my golden years as merely ""the friend."" The dirty little secret of a nervous producer." How long were you...? +How long were you...? Twenty years. Too long. We were like a play whose run outlasted the cast's ability to keep it fresh. So I finally decided to close down the show. +Of course, they weren't nearly as bashful. No, this room was once filled with bare buttocks. And pricks. Hard, arrogant pricks -- Cut it out! +Isn't it enough you told me you're a fairy? Do you have to rub my nose in it? I assure you, Mr. Boone, I meant no -- +I assure you, Mr. Boone, I meant no -- From now on, Mr. Whale, I cut your grass and that's it. Understand? +The extras are in their places. Now we need the star. Wouldn't you like to get in the pool? You first. +You first. Oh no. I never swim. +Mr. Boone. You're not due to cut the lawn until Wednesday. I'd like to sit for you again. But only if you ease up on the locker room talk. Okay? +I'm curious, Mr. Boone. What convinced you to come back? I don't know. I guess I like your stories. +I don't know. I guess I like your stories. Everybody has stories to tell. +Everybody has stories to tell. Not me. +Not me. What about your stint in Korea? I'm sure it was full of dramatic episodes. +What about your stint in Korea? I'm sure it was full of dramatic episodes. I told you. I don't like to talk about that. +And the fear you showed at our last session? How did you overcome that? Not fear. More like disgust. +Not fear. More like disgust. Same difference, Mr. Boone. Disgust, fear of the unknown -- all part of the great gulf that stands between us. Am I right in assuming that you've had little experience with men of my persuasion? +Same difference, Mr. Boone. Disgust, fear of the unknown -- all part of the great gulf that stands between us. Am I right in assuming that you've had little experience with men of my persuasion? There's no people like you in my crowd. +There's no people like you in my crowd. No teammates in football? No comrades in Korea? +No teammates in football? No comrades in Korea? You must think the whole world is queer. Well it's not. War sure isn't. +You must think the whole world is queer. Well it's not. War sure isn't. Oh, there may not be atheists in the foxholes, but there are occasionally lovers. +Oh, there may not be atheists in the foxholes, but there are occasionally lovers. You're talking through your hat now. +You're talking through your hat now. Not at all. I was in the foxholes myself. +Not at all. I was in the foxholes myself. You were a soldier? +You were a soldier? I was an officer. +This was World War I? No, my dear. The Crimean War. What do you think? The Great War. You had a Good War, while we had -- +Barnett. Was that his name? Leonard Barnett. He came to the front straight from Harrow. And he looked up to me. Unlike the others, he didn't care that I was a workingman impersonating his betters. How strange, to be admired so blindly. I suppose he loved me. But chastely, like a schoolboy. Something happened to him? +You will not set me on another walk down memory lane. Not this lane. Not today. I didn't -- +I didn't -- Why do I tell you this? I never told David. I never even remembered it until you got me going. +Why do I tell you this? I never told David. I never even remembered it until you got me going. You're the one who started it. +You're the one who started it. You're very clever, Mr. Boone. You just sit there and let me talk. What a sorry old man, you're thinking. What a crazy old poof. Why are you here? What do you want from me? +You're very clever, Mr. Boone. You just sit there and let me talk. What a sorry old man, you're thinking. What a crazy old poof. Why are you here? What do you want from me? You asked me to model. Remember? +You asked me to model. Remember? Of course I remember. Do you think I'm so senile -- +Just go. Please. Why don't you go? I don't get it. First you creep me out with homo shit. Then you hit me with war stories. And now you're upset because I listen? What do you want? +I don't get it. First you creep me out with homo shit. Then you hit me with war stories. And now you're upset because I listen? What do you want? I want -- I want... +My apologies. I had no business snapping at you. No harm done. +No harm done. It was foolishness to attempt this portrait. You cannot force what will not flow. +It was foolishness to attempt this portrait. You cannot force what will not flow. You don't want me to sit for you anymore? +If you don't mind driving, I'd like to take you as my guest. There should be lots of pretty starlets to keep you amused. I'm game. Sure. +I'm game. Sure. Very good, Clayton. May I call you Clayton? Or do you prefer Boone? +Very good, Clayton. May I call you Clayton? Or do you prefer Boone? Clayton is fine. +Good afternoon, Clayton. Do I look okay? +I suppose you'd like the top down. If that's okay? +If that's okay? Nothing would please me more. +What did I tell you? Listen. I don't hear anything. +I don't hear anything. Exactly. Cukor was too cheap to hire music. There's nothing but chin-wag. The cold dreary custard of English chin-wag. +What was that about? Nothing of importance. Just two old men slapping each other with lilies. Shall we have a drink? +Who's that? David. The friend I thought was in New York. +David. The friend I thought was in New York. No. The girl. +No. The girl. Girl? Oh. Elizabeth Taylor. +Is that really her? David produced her last picture. +Are you enjoying yourself? Actually, no. I feel a little out of place. +Actually, no. I feel a little out of place. Neither of us really belongs here. +Neither of us really belongs here. Must have been funny for you. Seeing your monsters again. +Must have been funny for you. Seeing your monsters again. Monsters? The only monsters... ...are here. +Oh fuck. And we left the top down. You want to run for it? Run for what? +Run for what? Can't you see? It's raining! +Let's get out of this funk hole You don't want to wait it out? Rain should let up soon. +You don't want to wait it out? Rain should let up soon. We're not sugar. We won't melt. +I better get you home before you catch your death from pneumonia. Catch my death. +It's not like her. Just a night out. Sounds like she can't say no to her daughter. +Just a night out. Sounds like she can't say no to her daughter. Certainly you have better things to do than babysit an old man? +Certainly you have better things to do than babysit an old man? Good. Let's get dry. +Oh, of course. Clayton. You finished your shower already? Ten minutes ago. Didn't you hear me calling? +Ten minutes ago. Didn't you hear me calling? I'm afraid not. Terribly sorry. I believe I promised you some clothes. +You're much wider than I am. You won't want to attempt to get into my pants. No. Definitely not. +That only leaves the rest. You don't have any baggy shorts? Pajama bottoms? +You don't have any baggy shorts? Pajama bottoms? Sorry. My pajamas are tailored. Would it be too distressing to continue with the towel? No more immodest than a kilt, you know. +Sorry. My pajamas are tailored. Would it be too distressing to continue with the towel? No more immodest than a kilt, you know. Do I have any other choice? +Do I have any other choice? Very sporting of you, Clayton. +Is that --? The only memento I ever kept. My original sketch for the Monster. +After dinner, if Hanna isn't back? Can we try a few more sketches? I thought you'd given up on my picture. +I thought you'd given up on my picture. I'd like to try again. If you're game. +I'd like to try again. If you're game. Why not? Give us something to do while we wait. +Tell me something, Clayton. Do you believe in mercy killing? Never gave it much thought. +Never gave it much thought. Come now. I'm sure you came across such situations in Korea. A wounded comrade, or perhaps one of the enemy? Someone for whom death would be a blessing. +I never made it to Korea. But you said -- +But you said -- -- that I was a Marine. Which is true. You filled in the rest. +-- that I was a Marine. Which is true. You filled in the rest. I see. +My old man was a Marine. He enlisted the day he turned seventeen. The Great War? +The Great War? By the time he was ready to ship out, the fighting was over. He missed out. +By the time he was ready to ship out, the fighting was over. He missed out. A very lucky thing indeed. +A very lucky thing indeed. That's not the way he saw it. To him, it was like his life never got started. Nothing else really mattered. Definitely not his family. +The morning after Pearl Harbor, he drove down to St. Louis to reenlist. He was so damn excited. World War II was going to be his second chance. They told him he was too old...fat ...nearsighted. Said he'd be more use to his country if he stayed home and looked after his family. Is that why you joined the Marines? For your father's sake? +Is that why you joined the Marines? For your father's sake? I figured he'd think, you know -- it was the next best thing. Hey, I loved it too. A chance to be a part of something important. Something bigger than yourself. +I figured he'd think, you know -- it was the next best thing. Hey, I loved it too. A chance to be a part of something important. Something bigger than yourself. What happened? +What happened? I didn't have the guts for it. +You know what he did when I called him? He laughed. He laughed so hard he practically burst a blood vessel. Said it was a good lesson for me. Not to try to fill his shoes. I'm very sorry. +I'm very sorry. Them's the breaks, right? No war stories for this pup. +Them's the breaks, right? No war stories for this pup. That's where you're wrong, Clayton. You've just told one. A very good story indeed. +Do you mind? Not at all. +Storm's getting worse. """A perfect night for mystery and horror. The air itself is filled with monsters.""" +"""A perfect night for mystery and horror. The air itself is filled with monsters.""" "That's from your movie, right? ""The only monsters are here.""" +"That's from your movie, right? ""The only monsters are here.""" I don't remember that one. +I don't remember that one. James Whale. This afternoon at the party. +"I said it must be weird seeing your monsters again, and you said, ""The only monsters are here."" I was wondering which here you meant." I don't recall. Memories of the war, perhaps. +I don't recall. Memories of the war, perhaps. But that was so long ago. It can't still bother you. +But that was so long ago. It can't still bother you. Oh, but it does. Especially in light of the journey I'm about to make. +Oh, but it does. Especially in light of the journey I'm about to make. You're planning a trip? +Barnett. Barnett on the wire. Your friend? +Oh death where is thy sting-a-ling? Grave where thy victory? You survived it. It can't hurt you now. It's no good to dig it up. +You survived it. It can't hurt you now. It's no good to dig it up. Oh no, my friend. It's digging itself up. There is nothing in the here and now to take my mind off it. All my diversions have abandoned me. Parties. Reading. Painting. Work. Love. All gone to me now. +So it is going to happen after all. What'd you say? +No. It won't do. What won't do? +What won't do? You are much too human. +You are much too human. What did you expect? Bronze? +What did you expect? Bronze? Don't move. +Why? For the artistic effect. The combination of your human body and that inhuman mask. It's quite striking. +For the artistic effect. The combination of your human body and that inhuman mask. It's quite striking. I don't know. +I don't know. Please, Clayton. Just for a minute. Long enough for me to see the effect. +Please, Clayton. Just for a minute. Long enough for me to see the effect. It's from the first World War, isn't it? +It's from the first World War, isn't it? There are straps in back. +All right. Let's take it off now. What was that? +What was that? It's too tight. +Just take off the fucking mask! Relax, Clayton. I can't hear you. I can't hear a word. +I'm not that way. Get it through your fucking head. I don't want to mess with you. Oh, but you feel good, Clayton. +Wait until I tell my friends I had you naked in my arms. Won't they be surprised? I haven't done a damn thing with you! +I haven't done a damn thing with you! Oh, but you have. You undressed for me. I kissed you. I even touched your prick. How will you be able to live with yourself? +Break my neck. Or strangle me. It would be oh so easy to wrap your hands around my neck and choke the life out of me. Please, Clayton. We've come this far. You're crazy. +Look, if you want to die do it yourself! No, I don't want to die alone. But to be killed by you -- that would make death bearable. They say you never see the one with your name on it. But I want to see death coming at me. I want it to be sharp and hard, with a human face. Your face. Think, Clayton. You'd be my second Monster. Almost as famous as the first. It would be the great adventure you've yearned for. A war story for both of us to share. +You okay? Oh Clayton. +Oh Clayton. Did I hurt you? +Did I hurt you? Nothing I didn't deserve. +Nothing I didn't deserve. Need some help? +Need some help? Pray you, undo this button. +I can undress myself, thank you. All right. +When you die...be sure your brain is the last organ to fizzle -- You'll feel better tomorrow. +You'll feel better tomorrow. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow... +Boone! You awake? Eight o'clock. Fuck off! +Fuck off! You told me to get you up, asshole. +I'm up. Thanks. Hasta la vista, Boone. And give the jail bait a squeeze for me. +I liked it. You learn stuff listening to old-timers. You ever hear of this Whale fellow? +This kisser wasn't so bad you couldn't lay under it a few times. Ooooh. +You coming, Boone? I think I'll hang around. +Hey, Boone. Have a drink? +Can't say that I have. Can't say I've heard of a lot of people though. If you don't believe me, let's watch this movie. See if his name's on it. How about it, Harry? Can I watch my damn movie? +If you don't believe me, let's watch this movie. See if his name's on it. How about it, Harry? Can I watch my damn movie? I told you. I don't turn on the TV except for the fights. +Calm down, Clay. Just calm down. We'll watch it. Good. Fine. +You're like a dog with a bone over this movie, Clay. I just want to watch it, okay? +Sick stuff. Necrophilia. I wonder if they knew how sick they were. The Monster's lonely and he wants a friend, a girlfriend, somebody. What sick about that? +Go home, Clay. We're closing up. I thought I'd give you a hand since I kept you open. +Where's Betty? She took the night off. Heavy date. Some guy she's had her eye on for a while. +She tells me you haven't been sleeping well. It's the ridiculous pills they prescribe. If I take them, I spend the next day stupid as a stone. If I don't, my mind seems to go off in a hundred directions at once -- +It's the ridiculous pills they prescribe. If I take them, I spend the next day stupid as a stone. If I don't, my mind seems to go off in a hundred directions at once -- Then take the pills. +Then take the pills. I wanted to be alert for your visit today. Especially since I saw so little of you in the hospital. +I'm sorry, Jimmy. But with this movie and two difficult stars -- """The fault, dear David, is not in ourselves but in our stars.""" +"""The fault, dear David, is not in ourselves but in our stars.""" You remember how a production eats up one's life. +You remember how a production eats up one's life. Oh, David. There's no pleasure in making you feel guilty. You better go, my boy. You'll be late for that aeroplane. +By the way, I like the Renoir. Thank you. +Thank you. Goodbye, Hanna. +What are you doing here? Just what I was about to ask you. I thought you were in New York. +Just what I was about to ask you. I thought you were in New York. I was, until last night. Publicity asked me to fly Miss Taylor in for today's reception. +Should you be drinking in your condition? Oh, David, stop being a nanny. +You should have seen Georgie's face when he met Clayton. You didn't, Jimmy. +You didn't, Jimmy. I did. But Princess Margaret was a doll. We're all equals in her eyes. As commoners, I presume. +I did. But Princess Margaret was a doll. We're all equals in her eyes. As commoners, I presume. You only embarrass yourself. +You only embarrass yourself. Oh dear. I'll never work in this town again? +Oh dear. I'll never work in this town again? You know what I mean. Your reputation. +You know what I mean. Your reputation. But I have no reputation. I'm as free as the air. +But I have no reputation. I'm as free as the air. Well the rest of us aren't. Can't you remember that? +Well the rest of us aren't. Can't you remember that? No. I never could. You must regret having had the invitation sent. +I didn't ask George to invite you. Then who did? +Then who did? Jimmy, there are people here I need to speak to. You'll be fine on your own? +Jimmy, there are people here I need to speak to. You'll be fine on your own? Yes. Perfectly. +Yes. Perfectly. All right, then. I'll come by tomorrow for breakfast. +You're a lucky man, Mr. Whale. Whatever damage was done by your stroke, it left your motor abilities relatively unimpaired. Yes, yes, Dr. Payne. But from the neck up? What's my story there? +Yes, yes, Dr. Payne. But from the neck up? What's my story there? That's what I'm trying to explain. +The central nervous system selects items from a constant storm of sensations. Whatever was killed in your stroke appears to have short-circuited this mechanism. Parts of your brain now seem to be firing at random. You're saying there's an electrical storm in my head? +You're saying there's an electrical storm in my head? That's as good a way as any to describe it. I've seen far worse cases. You might even learn to enjoy these walks down memory lane. +That's as good a way as any to describe it. I've seen far worse cases. You might even learn to enjoy these walks down memory lane. But the rest of it? The killing headaches. The phantom smells. My inability to close my eyes without thinking a hundred things at once. It's all nothing more than bad electricity? +But the rest of it? The killing headaches. The phantom smells. My inability to close my eyes without thinking a hundred things at once. It's all nothing more than bad electricity? In a manner of speaking. I've never encountered the olfactory hallucinations, but I'm sure they're related. +In a manner of speaking. I've never encountered the olfactory hallucinations, but I'm sure they're related. So what do I do? +So what do I do? Take the Luminal to sleep, or whenever you feel an attack coming on. +Take the Luminal to sleep, or whenever you feel an attack coming on. You seem to be saying that this isn't just a case of resting until I'm better. That my condition will continue to deteriorate until the end of my life. +My God. Is the audience to presume that Colin and I have done her hair? I thought we were mad scientists, not hairdressers. Only a mad scientist could do this to a woman. +Only a mad scientist could do this to a woman. Oh no, my dear. You look absolutely amazing. There's no way I can compete with you. The scene is yours. +Oh no, my dear. You look absolutely amazing. There's no way I can compete with you. The scene is yours. In the sequel, James, two lady scientists should make a monster. And our monster would be Gary Cooper. +In the sequel, James, two lady scientists should make a monster. And our monster would be Gary Cooper. I would've thought Mr. Leslie Howard would be more your line. +I would've thought Mr. Leslie Howard would be more your line. More your line. +More your line. My line nowadays runs to Rin Tin Tin. Dogs are so much more dependable than men. +Uh-oh. The way you look at me, James. What have you done this time? Bring a mirror. Let the Bride feast upon her visage. +Bring a mirror. Let the Bride feast upon her visage. Boris? Do I look a fright? +And you said there'd be some of me left. Nobody's going to know me in this getup. Nonsense, my dear. You look extraordinary. Today's script. Quick. And a pencil. +Jimmy. How are you? Elsa? +I saw Una O'Conner a few weeks ago. She said you'd been under the weather. Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Growing old. +Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Growing old. We're all getting a bit long in the tooth. +We're all getting a bit long in the tooth. But you appear quite fresh, my dear. +Please. You shouldn't stand on my account. Perfectly all right. But if you'd like to sit -- +Perfectly all right. But if you'd like to sit -- I'm fine, Jimmy. I can only stay a few minutes. +I'm fine, Jimmy. I can only stay a few minutes. Of course. +Of course. What's our pesky friend up to now? +Is that Boris? Our little chum appears to be arranging a reunion. Oh dear. +We'll be in touch, Jimmy. Good-bye. So nice to see you... +Hanna? Who's the new yardman? Bone? Boom? Something Bee. I hire him while you were in the hospital. He came cheap. +There is iced tea, Hanna? Cucumber sandwiches? Yes, Mr. Jimmy. An interview. After so many years. Very exciting. +Yes, Mr. Jimmy. An interview. After so many years. Very exciting. Don't be daft. It's just a student from the university. +Mr. Kay, sir. Yes? +Which ones? I bring them all. Luminal. +You must think I'm terrible, Hanna. I do not think you anything anymore. Just back from the hospital and already you are chasing after boys. +I do not think you anything anymore. Just back from the hospital and already you are chasing after boys. Oh shut up. All we did was talk. My attack had nothing to do with him. +Oh shut up. All we did was talk. My attack had nothing to do with him. Perhaps we should get you uphill before the pills knock you cold. +Perhaps we should get you uphill before the pills knock you cold. No. Let me lie here. Thank you. +How are you feeling, Mr. Jimmy? How is your mind today? My mind's lovely. And yours? +You remember what the doctor tells us. Yes, yes, yes. I merely invited Mr. Boone in for a glass of tea. We'll have a brief chat and he'll finish the yard. +Yes, yes, yes. I merely invited Mr. Boone in for a glass of tea. We'll have a brief chat and he'll finish the yard. I am not forgetting your last brief chat. +I am not forgetting your last brief chat. Just go. We can manage without you. +He looks plenty big. You won't need my help if anything goes flooey. Go. +Oh, that monster. How could you be working with him? Don't be silly, Hanna. He's a very proper actor. And the dullest fellow imaginable. +He is not going to kill the old man? No, Hanna. My heart isn't that black. +She is horrible. She is beautiful. +You will take them all, Mr. Jimmy? I'll be fine, Hanna. Thank you. +I'll be fine, Hanna. Thank you. Good night. +Does the yardman come today? Of course. This afternoon. +Who was that at the door? A visitor. +Mr. Boone. He is an interesting friend. I'd hardly call our yardman a friend. +I'd hardly call our yardman a friend. No. But someone you can talk to. +Do you miss having someone to talk to, Hanna? I have my family. Also our Lord Jesus Christ. +I have my family. Also our Lord Jesus Christ. Of course. How is the old boy these days? +It needs a hat. There was a wide-brimmed cream fedora... It must be up in your old room. I will look. +That is my daughter. She say she and her husband are coming to town this afternoon. I am sorry, Mr. Jimmy. I will make it short. I'll be out this afternoon, remember? Your family can visit as long as they like. +I'll be out this afternoon, remember? Your family can visit as long as they like. No. I do not cook for them. My daughter's no-good husband will not take one bite of our food. +Mr. Whale, this is such an honor. You're one of my favorite all-time directors. I can't believe I'm meeting you. No. I expect you can't. +No. I expect you can't. And this is your house. Wow. The house of Frankenstein. I thought you'd live in a spooky old mansion or villa. +And this is your house. Wow. The house of Frankenstein. I thought you'd live in a spooky old mansion or villa. One likes to live simply. +One likes to live simply. I know. People's movies aren't their lives. +"That's my favorite line in my favorite movie of yours. ""Bride of Frankenstein.""" Is it now? Hanna? I think we'll take our tea down by the swimming pool. +Will that be good for you, Mr. Kay? Sure. +Sure. After you then. +This is the studio where I paint. Nice. And your lighting and camera angles. You're got to go back to German silent movies to find anything like it. +So, Mr. Kay? What do you want to know? Everything. Start at the beginning. +Everything. Start at the beginning. I was born outside London, the only son of a minister who was a master at Harrow. Grandfather was a bishop. Church of...Church of Eng... +Yes? Your father was a schoolmaster? +Your father was a schoolmaster? Of course. I attended Eton -- it wouldn't do for a master's son to attend where his father taught. I was to go up to Oxford but the war broke out and I never made it. The Great War, you know. You had a Good War, but we had a great one. +"There was one play in particular, a beautiful, grim study of war called ""Journey's End"". Every experienced director turned it down, so I offered myself, bullying and begging for the job. ""Journey's End"" made the careers of everyone associated with it. It was only a matter of time until Hollywood beckoned." "How much longer before we get to ""Frankenstein""?" +"How much longer before we get to ""Frankenstein""?" Am I correct in assuming, Mr. Kay, that it's not me you're interested in, only my horror pictures? +Am I correct in assuming, Mr. Kay, that it's not me you're interested in, only my horror pictures? Oh no, I want to hear everything. You made twenty pictures in all -- +Oh no, I want to hear everything. You made twenty pictures in all -- Twenty-one. The romantic comedies and dramas were much more to my liking. The horror pictures were trifles. Grand guignol for the masses. +Twenty-one. The romantic comedies and dramas were much more to my liking. The horror pictures were trifles. Grand guignol for the masses. But it's the horror movies you'll be remembered for. +I am not dead yet, Mr. Kay. No. I never said you were. Or will be soon. +I have a proposal, Mr. Kay. This mode of questioning is getting old, don't you think? I don't mind. +I don't mind. Let's make it more interesting. I will answer any question you ask. But, for each answer, you must remove one article of clothing. +That's funny, Mr. Whale. It is, isn't it? My life as a game of strip poker. Shall we play? +It is, isn't it? My life as a game of strip poker. Shall we play? You're serious. +You're serious. Quite. +Quite. Then the rumors are true? +Then the rumors are true? What rumors might those be? +What rumors might those be? That you were forced to retire because, uh -- a sex scandal. +That you were forced to retire because, uh -- a sex scandal. A homosexual scandal, you mean? For me to answer a question of that magnitude, you'll have to remove both your shoes and your socks. +Too warm for a sweater, anyway. You must understand how Hollywood was twenty years ago. Nobody cared a tinker's cuss who slept with whom, so long as you kept it out of the papers. Outside of Hollywood, who knows who George Cukor is, much less what he does with those boys from the malt shops along Santa Monica? +"George Cukor? Who made ""A Star Is Born""? I never guessed." Take off your vest and I'll tell you a story. +Don't be shy. There's time to stop before you go too far. I guess. +Can we talk about the horror movies now? Certainly, Mr. Kay. Is there anything in particular you want to know? +Certainly, Mr. Kay. Is there anything in particular you want to know? "Will you tell me everything you remember about making ""Frankenstein""?" +Can that count as one question? Of course. +Of course. I can't believe I'm doing this. +Just like going swimming, isn't it? Maybe you'd like a swim when we're through. I never swim myself, so the pool tends to go to waste. +Maybe you'd like a swim when we're through. I never swim myself, so the pool tends to go to waste. "Okay. ""Frankenstein."" Tell me everything." +"Okay. ""Frankenstein."" Tell me everything." Righto. Let me see. +Universal wanted me for another story, and wanted me so baldly -- I mean badly, not baldly. I was given the pick of stories being developed, and I picked that one. Who came up with the Monster's makeup and look? +Who came up with the Monster's makeup and look? My idea. Muchly. My sketches. Big heavy brow. Head flat on top so they could take out the old brain and put in the new, like tinned beef. +My idea. Muchly. My sketches. Big heavy brow. Head flat on top so they could take out the old brain and put in the new, like tinned beef. He's one of the great images of the twentieth century. As important as the Mona Lisa. +He's one of the great images of the twentieth century. As important as the Mona Lisa. You think so? That's very kind -- +Mr. Whale? Are you all right? I just need to -- lie down. Studio. Daybed in studio. +Oh my God. What's wrong, Mr. Whale? Is it your heart? Head. Not heart. +I was going to take a swim. I'm sorry I spoiled it for you. You should probably go home. +I'm sorry I spoiled it for you. You should probably go home. Right. +Mr....Kay? Bet you thought you'd never see me again. I didn't know if you'd be well enough to come to this party. +Bet you thought you'd never see me again. I didn't know if you'd be well enough to come to this party. You didn't? +You didn't? I'm the one who got you on Mr. Cukor's guest list. +I'm the one who got you on Mr. Cukor's guest list. You, Mr. Kay? How do you know George Cukor? +You, Mr. Kay? How do you know George Cukor? I interviewed him after I met you. I'm his social secretary now. Well, assistant to his secretary. +I interviewed him after I met you. I'm his social secretary now. Well, assistant to his secretary. I commend you. If you're going to pursue poofs, go after those who can do favors for you. You waste everybody's time when you court dinosaurs. +I commend you. If you're going to pursue poofs, go after those who can do favors for you. You waste everybody's time when you court dinosaurs. Don't think that, Mr. Whale. I love your movies. That's why I wanted you to come to this. So I could see you with your monsters. +Don't think that, Mr. Whale. I love your movies. That's why I wanted you to come to this. So I could see you with your monsters. My monsters? +My monsters? Don't go away. +How are you? Fine. Quite fine. And Your Royal Highness? +Fine. Quite fine. And Your Royal Highness? Splendid. Now that I know you're around. +Can we get together while I'm in town? I so badly want to sit for you again. Sit? +Sit? I've changed my hair, you see. Since our last session. Those old snaps look rather dowdy now. +Oh dear. Have I made a blunder? Ma'am, the pleasure is all mine. James Whale. +Ma'am, the pleasure is all mine. James Whale. I am such a goose. I mistook you for Cecil Beaton. It's the hat. You're wearing one of Cecil's hats, you know. +How's the leg? Only hurts when I breathe. Lookit you. Where are Barney Fife and Aunt Bea hanging out? And Opie ... Where's Opie at? +What are you doing here? Is there someplace we can talk? +What about? About your brother. And the deeeep shit he's in -- +It's been a long time, Memphis -- Six years ... +Six years ... Six years. Shit. Time flies, don't it? Six years ago we were fartin' through Armani and pissin' Cristal. Now look at us ... +Six years. Shit. Time flies, don't it? Six years ago we were fartin' through Armani and pissin' Cristal. Now look at us ... Tell me about Kip - +He took a job. And he fumbled it. Now he's jammed-up. Jammed-up bad... What kind of job... ? +What kind of job... ? A boost. A big boost ... +A boost. A big boost ... A boost? What's Kip doing on a boost? +It seems she neglected to mention it Maybe she don't know. Although I don't see how that could be. Maybe she didn't want to upset you - +Maybe she don't know. Although I don't see how that could be. Maybe she didn't want to upset you - Don't feel the need to explore my family dynamics, Atley... +Don't feel the need to explore my family dynamics, Atley... The point is: Kip's been living the life. Only he's a wild child. Crazy. Makes our old behavior seem like altar boy time. But he fungold this one so bad, folks around L.B. are already speakin' about him in the past tense. +Who was the job for? Who do you think? +Car-jacker. Neglected to clean up after himself ... Jesus ... +Jesus ... The business has changed... +What's with the fish thing -- ? We can learn something from our Asian friends. They smoke a thousand cigarettes a day; they're completely stressed and overworked; they drink like, well ... +We can learn something from our Asian friends. They smoke a thousand cigarettes a day; they're completely stressed and overworked; they drink like, well ... Fish. +Fish. And they still have the lowest rate of cancer of anywhere in the world. You know why? All they eat is seafood. +And they still have the lowest rate of cancer of anywhere in the world. You know why? All they eat is seafood. "Also, never underestimate the restorative powers of ""Karaoke.""" +"Also, never underestimate the restorative powers of ""Karaoke.""" I do a poaching number. Six-ounce fillets in a saucepan of brine. In 8 minutes, I could cater a goddamn wedding. Plain but flavorful. And it's a good way to show off my Hollandaise sauce ... +I do a poaching number. Six-ounce fillets in a saucepan of brine. In 8 minutes, I could cater a goddamn wedding. Plain but flavorful. And it's a good way to show off my Hollandaise sauce ... You have a Hollandaise sauce ? +You have a Hollandaise sauce ? I do ... Christ, what happened to us ? +I do ... Christ, what happened to us ? Speak for yourself, boss I don't have a Hollandaise sauce +Speak for yourself, boss I don't have a Hollandaise sauce No, but you dress like an asshole ... +I think about that night a lot... Me, too. Every time I walk... +Me, too. Every time I walk... How they were just there ... Waiting on us ... The fix was definitely in ... +Yeah -- ? Yeah Tell him to lay off Kip and them Tell him it's on +Jesus, man ... What'd you do? "My version of ""take this job and shove it...""" +"My version of ""take this job and shove it...""" Are you crazy? You throw down with The Carpenter? You got a grudge against your life? +Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead, right? Point-five ... +Randall Raines ... It's been a long time ... frowns) 'though I do I recall you as a man with style. You remember your old friend, Atley -- ? How ya doing? +It's about my brother ... Kip... Yes ... Kip ... +Now. Where were we? Oh, yes. Kip. I don't want him hurt... +My point. Yes. Simple, really. I require the best. I insist on the best. I only engage the best. Your brother. His friends. They came to me. They wanted my paper. He was your brother. You were the best. Now. They've brought so much goddamn heat down, I may not be able to fill this order. Which would be very bad for me. Which in turn, is very bad for them... I could kill you. That occurred to me. When I first heard about this. That I would kill you ... +I could kill you. That occurred to me. When I first heard about this. That I would kill you ... Grow up. You don't kill people like me. People like me die in their sleep at 87 ... Do you know why? Because if you did kill me, and everyone knew it was you - for the next ten years they'd be finding pieces of those you love scattered all over California ... +I can come up with the front money. Pay you back... Were it only that easy. I have obligations. The order needs to be filled... +They gave you only four days? They gave me two weeks. I wasted most of it with your brother and his crew, who not only lost what pitiful few they managed to boost, but also alerted the heat as to our endeavor, making this even more difficult to achieve ... +I'm not interested -- I knew you'd say that. +I knew you'd say that. I'm just here about my brother. +I'm just here about my brother. I knew you'd say that, too -- +Sound it out for me. Your brother has four days. Fifty cars. Five-zero. For that he gets 200 large ... +Your brother has four days. Fifty cars. Five-zero. For that he gets 200 large ... And if he doesn't make it -- ? +I don't want them hurt. Any of 'em... """don't want"" the Dodgers to lose or the summer to end. But we don't get to choose these things..." +This is how you're spending my time? Having a sock hop? Everyone know Ray Calitri? Pillar of the community ... +Everyone know Ray Calitri? Pillar of the community ... Look at this. A multi-generational gathering of scumbags ... +Get out of here, Ray -- One more night -- +One more night -- Get out -- +Get out -- I hope you know what you're doing. God help you if you don't ... +Well, well. You've caused quite a ruckus ... This is number 50. We did it. It's over Where's the money ? +This is number 50. We did it. It's over Where's the money ? Right there - +You should never have gotten my brother and his friends involved ... But I had to. It was the only way to get to you -- +Well, now, he's clear. And you'll stay away from him... I don't know about that, Randall. He did such a good job on this paper. And another one just came in ... +Well, that certainly won't do. What do you mean -- ? +What do you mean -- ? Look at it. I can't very well make delivery of that thing ... +Look at it. I can't very well make delivery of that thing ... You got no choice. It's over. +You got no choice. It's over. Fifty cars. Fifty cars by 8 AM Friday. Or Kip goes in that box. That was the deal ... Goddamn, it ... That was the deal ... +Good. Cos you know how it plays. Six years ago, I let you go free. But the next time ... The next time sends you away for'a long, long while ... By the time you get out, asshole, there won't even be cars. We'll all be cruisin' around in space ships ... +They just brought in Donny Astricky. Shot by a jacker ... How is he? +How is he? He'll live. But it means your boy's behind it. Astricky was holding a list. They just faxed it to us... +Let's get out there. And have them run down every 167 Shelby Mustang in the area ... Find out where they're at. What for? +What for? You spend enough time down a man's throat, you get to know his tonsils. Do it ... +I know you -- You know my back - +You know my back - You want to come along quiet? +You want to come along quiet? How's Atley -- ? +How's Atley -- ? Leg's all banged-up. He made a stupid play ... He'll limp around the yard up at Folsom. But Astricky will be there to take care of him. With their priors, they're looking at a serious bounce -- +Leg's all banged-up. He made a stupid play ... He'll limp around the yard up at Folsom. But Astricky will be there to take care of him. With their priors, they're looking at a serious bounce -- Let them go -- +Let them go -- How's that? +How's that? Let them go. And I'll leave ... +Let them go. And I'll leave ... You'll leave -- ? +You'll leave -- ? You don't have anything on me. A misdee auto-theft. I got no record. I'll be out in three days, and back at it. Or you let them go, and I give you my word. I'm gone. And without the ringleader ... Your tee-times have just grown exponentially... +You don't have anything on me. A misdee auto-theft. I got no record. I'll be out in three days, and back at it. Or you let them go, and I give you my word. I'm gone. And without the ringleader ... Your tee-times have just grown exponentially... I don't golf... +You have my word... Get out of here, then. Now. +I know you. You know my back. +I remember us having made some kind of deal, Randall. I don't remember this deal having some kind of time-limit. I look at you - here - in my town - and I'm confused... A little family emergency -- +A little family emergency -- I hope it's not your dear sweet mother... +I hope it's not your dear sweet mother... No... +No... Or your baby brother. What was his name? +Or your baby brother. What was his name? Kip. +Kip. Yes, Kip. Short for Kipling. Named for the English writer of stories about India ... He bites into his pear ... Memphis says nothing, waits ... +And this has what to do with me? I don't know. But you shouldn't be here. Take care of your business. I'll give you 24 hours. And then I don't want to see your face. Ever again. Make a fool of me once, that's my bad. Make a fool of me twice. That's really my bad, and I'll kick your ass from here to India ... +I know you. You know my back. +You know my back. What are you still doing here, Randall? +What are you still doing here, Randall? Stopped by to see Otto. Say hello. +You're thinking: okay, there's no want ... But they probably stripped its guts and crated 'em up, right ... ? Something like that - +It's funny. There's probably been five more cars stolen in the time I've been here ... I don't think so, Detective ... +I'm on the move - Your girl works in there ... +Your girl works in there ... Not my girl anymore +Not my girl anymore Yet your still here ... I gave you 24 hours, 24 hours ago ... +Yet your still here ... I gave you 24 hours, 24 hours ago ... What do you want from me? +What do you want from me? Honestly? I want to - once every few months - get into my car. Pack a lunch. And drive on up to Chino. On visiting day. Bring you some magazines. Maybe some almond clusters. And see you all bright and shiny in your orange jumpsuit. That's what I want ... +I know you. You know my back. +I want you gone, Randall. Settle your affairs. Make it right with those you love. Hell, take 'em with you. But I want you out of here. Out of here for good this time ... Consider me gone, Detective -- +Consider me gone, Detective -- I'll catch you later, Randall -- +I'll catch you later, Randall -- Double-meaning intended -- +Double-meaning intended -- You betcha -- +Who is it -- ? Castlebeck. +What's this -- ? Cadillac. +What's wrong with it -- ? Needs brightening ... +No faith in our new-found goodness, Detective ...? Sure. But sometimes we got to create some numbers. The task force is run by statistics, you know ... +Okay, then. I'll catch you later, Randall ... Double-meaning intended, right? +Double-meaning intended, right? Right ... +When'd you get to town, Raines? The other day.... +The other day.... What for? +What for? No particular reason. Catch a Laker game. I heard we got Shaquille ... +No particular reason. Catch a Laker game. I heard we got Shaquille ... Where you been, anyway? +Where you been, anyway? Just out there. Roaming around. Building up my collection of refrigerator magnets ... +Just out there. Roaming around. Building up my collection of refrigerator magnets ... You seem a little hinked-up ... +You seem a little hinked-up ... Not at all ... +How'd it go? Keys were in it ... +Keys were in it ... Well, that defies the point, don't it? +It just ain't happening -- You'll get the hang of it, kid. You just need to remember one thing - +You'll get the hang of it, kid. You just need to remember one thing - What's that? +I guess ... You got a school teacher or Nancy from accounting, you don't put on Sly Stone or James Brown. You put on Ravel. Rachmaninoff. But if you got some wild one you just picked up at the track, you wouldn't put on Cat Stevens or James Taylor. You'd put on Prince. Or Isaac Hayes. Or, if you really wanted to get after it: Miles. +You got a school teacher or Nancy from accounting, you don't put on Sly Stone or James Brown. You put on Ravel. Rachmaninoff. But if you got some wild one you just picked up at the track, you wouldn't put on Cat Stevens or James Taylor. You'd put on Prince. Or Isaac Hayes. Or, if you really wanted to get after it: Miles. okay ... +okay ... It's the same way with cars. Different cars. Different tunes. You can't steal a Maserati listening to Sinatra. You gotta get urgent. You gotta get Sonny Rollins or Led Zeppelin IV, on that shit. But never, never-ever take no Allman Brothers into a Lincoln Town Car. Could lead to disaster. Got it... ? +It's the same way with cars. Different cars. Different tunes. You can't steal a Maserati listening to Sinatra. You gotta get urgent. You gotta get Sonny Rollins or Led Zeppelin IV, on that shit. But never, never-ever take no Allman Brothers into a Lincoln Town Car. Could lead to disaster. Got it... ? Got it ... +Got it ... Good. +Diane 1. Very good. Think you can get in without waking her up -- ? +Very good. Think you can get in without waking her up -- ? Yeah. +Yeah. That's an after-market alarm. Can't just cut her wires ... +What's the matter? It's all microchips and shit ... +It's all microchips and shit ... Yeah? +"So? Tell me: how come they call you ""Freb"" anyways -- ?" C'mon, man ... +C'mon, man ... We're partners here -- +You ever feel bad about any of this? Of course not. I'm Robin Hood. I take from the rich, and give to the needy... +Of course not. I'm Robin Hood. I take from the rich, and give to the needy... You mean the poor -- +You mean the poor -- No. The needy. Us. Cos we need this car! +Donny -- Donny-nothin'! +C'mon, Donny... Let's go, man -- Lazy ... Lazy ... I ask you, Freb: what's the matter with kids today? +Lookit Kip. All grown up... Hey, Donny -- +You guys have any skills at all? Hell, yeah. Mirror Man here is our electronics expert. He's got some gadgets you old farts maybe never -heard of; Tumbler can drive anything with wheels, and some things without; Toby's a hacker, can do things with a computer, that are pretty amazing ... +What about him? Freb can order pizzas like nobody's business +For real. Okay. Gimme COLUMBO... Peugot convertible ... +Peugot convertible ... What color? +What color? Gray. +No. That was Higgins .... Jonathan Quayle Higgins ... +Damn. Memphis Raines. Long time ... How you doing, man? +How you doing, man? All I get are the Orientals. They can build 'em, but they can't drive 'em So? What are you doing here? What's with the outfit -- ? +All I get are the Orientals. They can build 'em, but they can't drive 'em So? What are you doing here? What's with the outfit -- ? You know where the others are? +Forget that ... Okay. Figure it forgotten. What's this about anyways -- ? +Most of 'em are late-model... That's right. Only 10 exotics ... +That's right. Only 10 exotics ... We'll have to start beating the bushes, find out where they live... +Wow! They got Eleanor here -- ? I know. Weird, huh -- ? +"Eleanor is Memphis' ""unicorn.""" And there she is -- +How's it going -- ? It's arright ... +I miss Orville Redenbacher already -- Okay, okay. The important thing to remember, is to Think Slow. Take your time. It may not seem like it, but the night is long. Long enough. Just think slow and think smart... +A bunch of strung-out hypes and stick- up men. This ain't like the old days, Memphis. The profession has lost its.. Dignity... +Dignity... Yeah... +We're on a truncated time-table. Take a day to shop it; a day to prep it ... And we're still going to need to expand the crew... There's no one left ... +There's no one left ... We've got several Italian cars on the list. Always tricky, always timeconsuming. So we're gonna need a specialist ... +Jesus. The whole damn thing's loaded. one minute -- ! +Yes, I do, in fact. John Wayne in McO... That's being obscurest ... Who else? Better known. Memphis? +Walked like a bastard... Skippin' stones and shit.. That's a good one, Donny... +That's a good one, Donny... I think so too -- +The corner of Hawthorne and Granvia. Tumbler messed up. He said the Lotus would be at the corner of Hawthorne and Granvia -- He didn't mess up. There it is ... +How are we supposed to-- Pop the trunk. I need my tool ... +Any word, Kip -- ? No ... And they won't take my calls ... +No ... And they won't take my calls ... What does that mean -- ? +What does that mean -- ? "It ain't what you'd call a ""good sign""" +That can't be it. Cos we don't need saving We don't -- ? +How you know that? Remember who my brother is? +Okay, okay. What about MAGNUM P.I.? Thanks for playing, Freb. That's a gimme ... +You look good... You, too, Ma... +You, too, Ma... What are you doing back? +What are you doing back? How's Kip? +Have you seen him? No. +No. oh. +oh. Atley Jackson came to see me ... +Atley Jackson came to see me ... Atley Jackson. How is that one? How's the leg... ? +Why didn't you tell me? I couldn't. I didn't want you to worry. I thought held sort himself out. I hardly see him. He comes and goes. He's in trouble, isn't he? +I couldn't. I didn't want you to worry. I thought held sort himself out. I hardly see him. He comes and goes. He's in trouble, isn't he? He's in some trouble ... +He's in some trouble ... I knew it. He's changed, Randall. He's a different boy. He's lost that... That sweetness ... It's gone ... And I don't know what to do ... +I knew it. He's changed, Randall. He's a different boy. He's lost that... That sweetness ... It's gone ... And I don't know what to do ... You getting my checks ... ? +You getting my checks ... ? Of course ... +He doesn't return my calls. or my letters ... Kipling was sixteen when you left, baby. I don't know what you remember of him. But you should brace yourself +The photo album. I get nostalgic around this time of year ... What time of year? +What time of year? Tuesdays ... +You ever wonder what things'd be like if he hadn't died? Every day. I wonder about that every day... +Every day. I wonder about that every day... Kip and I'd probably be working at the dealership... Imagine us selling cars? +And just in case you lose your keys, good sir, I can toss in a complimentary slim-jim, free of charge ... Mother -- ! +I remember. Supper getting cold, cos you two are out there heads under hoods ... You remember that, Kip? +I know... We do it. He'll get clear Once and for all +D.W.P. Thanks for holding. How can I help you? I got a message. I live at 1443 Locklin. +I got a message. I live at 1443 Locklin. Yes. can you hold, sir -- ? +Yes. can you hold, sir -- ? NO! No, I can't! I'm a busy man. +okay, sir. Let me just get the-order. Yes. We'll be doing some work out your way. We've got a power leak. And it's unsafe. We're moving residences to the... Marriott Long Beach ... Just for the night ... Oh, for God's sake +Oh, for God's sake I know, sir ... +Breakfast brunch -- ? Yes, sir - +Okay, then ... I just go to the Marriott and I'm set ... You've been pre-booked... +Any more, O -- ? You guys are through... +You guys are through... Whatcha got left ... ? +Whatcha got left ... ? """Carol."" A 198 Mercedes ... She lives in the suburbs ..." +"""Carol."" A 198 Mercedes ... She lives in the suburbs ..." We'll take it... +We'll take it... It's ear-marked for Mirror Man and The Sphinx... +It's ear-marked for Mirror Man and The Sphinx... We'll take it. +Hey, Kip, what's up? What do you say, Toby?, +What do you say, Toby?, I'm cool - +You goin' home? Yeah... You want a ride... +Yeah... You want a ride... Sure - +Sure - How'd you get here? Your Moms give you ride -- ? +How'd you get here? Your Moms give you ride -- ? Hell, no. I boosted a 'Vette. +Hell, no. I boosted a 'Vette. You boosted a 'Vette? Then where is it? +You boosted a 'Vette? Then where is it? I dunno. It was right here. Someone musta' boosted it back... +I dunno. It was right here. Someone musta' boosted it back... Damn crooks is everywhere -- +It looks just like a regular Mustang -- Don't go there, Toby -- +Any more ... I dunno ... +No... What am I supposed to do? +Jesus, Kip ... I'm shot, man ... Just hold on... Hold on ... +Hey, Kip ... Hello, Memphis -- +It's good to see ya, man. You changed your look - You, too +Kip -- ? Yeah ... +Yeah ... You all right -- ? +You all right -- ? I think so. There's things I can't feel right now. Like my feet. But ... You think you can get me outta this, Memphis? I'd appreciate it - +I think so. There's things I can't feel right now. Like my feet. But ... You think you can get me outta this, Memphis? I'd appreciate it - Just hold-on there -- +This has nothing to do with any of that -- Oh. You maybe have more than one enemy who owns a car-crusher -- ? +Oh. You maybe have more than one enemy who owns a car-crusher -- ? All my enemies own car crushers. It's like a pre-requisite ... Owwww... +All my enemies own car crushers. It's like a pre-requisite ... Owwww... Easy ... Take it easy ... We're almost there... +You okay -- ? Totally. I'm fine. You want a beer, man -- ? +Totally. I'm fine. You want a beer, man -- ? Sure -- +You sure you're okay -- ? Yeah, man. Where is your beer? +Cool. So you're living up North? Yeah - +Yeah - I heard you were pumping gas - +I heard you were pumping gas - Something like that - +Something like that - You're kind of cultivating a new look. +You're kind of cultivating a new look. Yeah -- +Nah. It's a scratch. Okay -- +Hey, you want something to eat ? What do you got ... ? +There's certainly a time and a place for a mellow olive - Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm thinking -- +So what are you gonna do? About what? +About what? """About what?""" +"""About what?""" About Calitri? No worries, man. I'll call him. He's a reasonable dude ... +About Calitri? No worries, man. I'll call him. He's a reasonable dude ... I can see that - +What happened to you? What? +You just got crushed in a car. You're bleeding all over your self. And you sit there - eating olives and talking basketball, as if, at this very moment, people weren't plotting your demise ... "C'mon, man... My ""demise..."" Overreaction" +"C'mon, man... My ""demise..."" Overreaction" """Over--"" You know - I can maybe understand, since I been gone, you taking up this dumb-ass life of crime, and for that I can partly blame myself. But what is baffling to me, is how, since I been gone, you've become a complete and total moron--" +"""Over--"" You know - I can maybe understand, since I been gone, you taking up this dumb-ass life of crime, and for that I can partly blame myself. But what is baffling to me, is how, since I been gone, you've become a complete and total moron--" Hey, now - +Hey, now - He's gonna kill you -- ! +He's gonna kill you -- ! I can handle it -- +I can handle it -- You can handle it? +You can handle it? I can handle it -- +I can handle it -- You can handle it? +You can handle it? I can handle it -- +I can handle it -- You? +You? Me. +Me. You? +You? Me... +You don't think so, huh? Not really ... But you know... Maybe I'm wrong ... +What are you doing here? Otto called - +We do this. Then. You're finished. Then. You're clean I like how you wallop back in here - after four years - and can still get all Clifford Huxtable on my shit ... +I like how you wallop back in here - after four years - and can still get all Clifford Huxtable on my shit ... You hear me? +You hear me? I hear ya. Get me outta this. I'll move to the country. Open a fruit stand... +You spread it out ... you move around... So's they can't touch you... so's they don't know... Shadow games and shit ... """Shadow games?""" +"""Shadow games?""" Shadow games ... +Shadow games ... You spread it out, by the 2nd night, the heat are onto you. Know something's up. With a one-night boost, by the time all the cars are reported stolen, your ship's set sail. +Reads the infrared. Then kills it. Little something the R & D department came up with ... How long were you gonna let me try and stop it...? +How long were you gonna let me try and stop it...? After a while, it became a little pathetic ... Figured I'd put you out of your misery ... +After a while, it became a little pathetic ... Figured I'd put you out of your misery ... Thank-you ... +Thank-you ... De nada ... +Ain't we good-timing here ... ? The family that steals together, deals together... +The family that steals together, deals together... Dad'd be proud -- +Dad'd be proud -- Maybe not. But Dad was from another era... +Maybe not. But Dad was from another era... What era was that -- ? +What era was that -- ? The era when crime didn't pay -- +The era when crime didn't pay -- As opposed to now, Kid Car Crusher? +As opposed to now, Kid Car Crusher? Price of doing business... +Price of doing business... What about just getting a job, 9 to 5, five days a week, that whole mystery achievement -- ? +What about just getting a job, 9 to 5, five days a week, that whole mystery achievement -- ? "It's for assholes. The Legal Buck blows, Memphis. You know that. Doing this, we make mad bank, my boys are down, the girlies come around and the boosts are a breeze. Yeah, sure, you're gonna get jacked-up every now and then - but ain't that a small price to pay for never, never-ever, having to say ""paper or plastic?""" +Having fun, Kip? Hell, yeah... It's a beautiful business ... I mean, no, man, it's hard, it's scary, it sucks ... +You okay -- ? I'm cool. +Too early to tell. Nervous? Nah. +Nah. That's strange. I'm nervous. Donny's nervous. Everyone's nervous. But not you... +That's strange. I'm nervous. Donny's nervous. Everyone's nervous. But not you... I dunno. Whatever will be will be... +I dunno. Whatever will be will be... That's a good attitude, Kip. For everything but stealing cars ... +What did I tell you? What? What did I tell you? I don't know. What -- ? +Come here -- What? +What? Come here - +Come here - What? +What? Come here - +I've missed you, man ... I know. I've missed you, too +Toby... I know ... +I know ... Toby... +What are you doing here? I saw her get smashed-up on the TV. Knew there was no way he was gonna accept her ... +I saw her get smashed-up on the TV. Knew there was no way he was gonna accept her ... Where'd you find this one? +Where'd you find this one? "Ya gotta keep tabs on your ""Eleanors"", Memphis. Cos you never know when you're gonna need one --" +"Ya gotta keep tabs on your ""Eleanors"", Memphis. Cos you never know when you're gonna need one --" You boost her -- ? +You boost her -- ? Hell, yeah. She's not my unicorn. +Hell, yeah. She's not my unicorn. Move over ... +You okay -- ? I dunno ... I keep thinking about him. +You remember where you got this Eleanor -- ? Sure, man -- +Sure, man -- She's for sale. They're asking forty thousand. Give 'em sixty ... +You want me to buy her? Shocking, huh? We're clear now. It's done. I've never actually paid for a car. I want to see what it feels like +Where you off to -- ? Thought I'd go for a ride - +Thirteen down ... Thirty-seven to go ... No problem - +But don't worry, man. Things are all sweetness and light here... Things are all leafy and suburban ... +Pop the trunk, Tumbler. What for -- ? +What for -- ? I gotta get my tool -- +Now what -- ? Now, we go - +Shit ... Run it... +What are we gonna do -- ? Hospital. +Hospital. We can't do that, dude -- +He give you an advance -- ? Hell, yeah. Ten larger man +You know of one -- ? Yeah. He's knows of one all right. +Take it back, Freb -- Hey, now, Memphis... C'mon, man - +Okay. We're all here. Today's Wednesday. D-Day is Friday night ... That gives us two days to prep ... We're going to find the ladies on our list, find out where they live, when they're home; that they're properly insured ... Let's get into the vans -- Where we going -- ? +Where we going -- ? We're going shopping -- ! +Jim Rockford. ROCKFORD FILES. For real? +How's it going? It's going fine. The Quiet Riot and me are swapping trade secrets ... +Call 911 - Call 'em here -- ? +Call 'em here -- ? DO IT! NOW -- ! +See you're still stealing the sailors from the sea -- What are you doing here? +What's with the look? The hip, cool, sexy thing was getting old... +The hip, cool, sexy thing was getting old... You look like you lost your sheep ... +You still wrenching at Bacchiochi's? Hell, yeah. I'm not getting rich in here ... +Hell, yeah. I'm not getting rich in here ... Buy you a drink? +Buy you a drink? Nope. I got a coffee. And a boyfriend. +"""Mitch?""" Mitch. +Mitch. So I was replaced by Mitch? +So I was replaced by Mitch? No. You were replaced by Alex. Who was replaced by Kevin. Who was replaced by Vince. Who was replaced by Mitch... +On account of Mitch? On account of me. +I've taken the spear for a lot of people, Sway. Including you. Can't we improvise a little here ... ? No can do. Life goes on, pointfive ... You left me, remember? +No can do. Life goes on, pointfive ... You left me, remember? I left town. I didn't leave you. +I left town. I didn't leave you. A distinction worth noting ... +A distinction worth noting ... And here I am... +And here I am... Yes. But I got a feeling it's not on account of any longing-for-my-touch on your part - +Yes. But I got a feeling it's not on account of any longing-for-my-touch on your part - Kip's in trouble +What kind of trouble -- ? Kip took a job. Fifty ladies in two weeks. Only the two weeks have turned into four days. And not a single lady has been snared. +Kip took a job. Fifty ladies in two weeks. Only the two weeks have turned into four days. And not a single lady has been snared. And you got some Italians -- ? +And you got some Italians -- ? Six or seven... +Six or seven... I'm not doing it anymore. Haven't for a while. I've carved out something for myself. It's pathetic, but it's mine ... +I'm not doing it anymore. Haven't for a while. I've carved out something for myself. It's pathetic, but it's mine ... I understand - +What the hell are you doing -- ? If you change your mind. We're at Otto's. It's 50 ladies in 24 hours. For The Carpenter. 200 K and Kip's life on the felt. So long now ... +"That's Mirror Man ... And that's Freb ... And Tumbler ... And Toby ... Fellas, this is Sara Wayland... They call her ""Sway.""" Hey - +Hey. What's wrong with her -- ? +What's wrong with her -- ? The right side of the engine is running richer than the left. And the scope isn't showing shit... I dunno... +Right. Great car. One of a kind. I was looking forward to that boost myself "She was the only ""Annie"" you could find?" +"She was the only ""Annie"" you could find?" They only made a handful. We're lucky there's even one living in the area... +They only made a handful. We're lucky there's even one living in the area... Yeah, well ... She lives with District Court Judge Seymour Croft ... +She's trouble -- I put the boys on it. They're clever that way... +I go with you -- That what you want? +That what you want? That's what I want ... +That's what I want ... Okay. +You mentioned that in your letters I always thought you'd follow me up. +We were good when you bailed, weren't we? Very good... +Very good... Cos there were those dark days, when I figured - my God, how easy it was for him to just give it up; to make the deal; take the rot for the whole crew ... And give me up in the process. +Cos there were those dark days, when I figured - my God, how easy it was for him to just give it up; to make the deal; take the rot for the whole crew ... And give me up in the process. No way ... +No way ... No ... ? +No ... ? No ... +Don't go getting all warm and fuzzy on me, Randall. I'm the jane that was left, and you're the jim that did the leaving. So save the sanctimonious shit for someone who believes. The only reason I ride with you, is cause I don't want to spend the whole night with any of them other creeps! Oh. Okay. Right. +Ready -- ? Oh, yeah. +No whistles, but a Club You bring a hack -- ? No. Open her ... +What the hell's that -- ? A little trick I picked up at the Car Thief Retirement Home ... +Gosh, no. Lipstick? What next? Mascara, blush, floral-print dresses? Deodorant. +So, you seeing anybody? No. I had a girl. She was great. The problem is: great girls come along once every ten years. So I gotta wait another three years before I can even bother to look... +No. I had a girl. She was great. The problem is: great girls come along once every ten years. So I gotta wait another three years before I can even bother to look... She was so great, why'd you leave her? +She was so great, why'd you leave her? Her parole officer strongly recommended it ... +C'mon, gang. Let's focus. Sway, can you prep 'em -- ? I think so... They're just... So ... +I think so... They're just... So ... I know. But let's prep 'em. We could stay here all night... That wouldn't be good -- +Arright ... Enough ... I can't have you bellying up to my heart again, man, f you can't help falling off the stool. But he puts his mouth to her ears ... Shhh... Car thieves are your weakness. +Stop. What about Maserati Boy? I take out my slim-jim... +I take out my slim-jim... Oh, God... +Slip it in ... You're going high-cheese, dude -- +You're going high-cheese, dude -- Unlock your button ... +Unlock your button ... """Unlock my button"" ... ?" +"""Unlock my button"" ... ?" The alarms go off ... +The alarms go off ... Woo-woo-wooooo! +Woo-woo-wooooo! I pop your hood; find your siren wires +I pop your hood; find your siren wires They're factory alarms ... Easy to get around... For a man with... Skills... +They're factory alarms ... Easy to get around... For a man with... Skills... "I do ... I cut ""em..." +"I do ... I cut ""em..." Cut 'em... +Cut 'em... Now... I'm in ... +Now... I'm in ... Of course you are. You're a professional... +Of course you are. You're a professional... I ratchet your ignition mechanism ... +I ratchet your ignition mechanism ... I bet you say that to all the girls... +I bet you say that to all the girls... With a twist of my wrist ... You're turned over ... +With a twist of my wrist ... You're turned over ... Wrong preposition... +Wrong preposition... Hear you roar ... +Hear you roar ... What about The Club ... ? +What about The Club ... ? Let me worry about The Club ... +Let me worry about The Club ... No worries ... +No worries ... I've got you floored... We're off ... Take the curb... Man, can you corner... Know not to get on it ... Momentum shift ... Don't get on those brakes too hard ... Get her up on her tires. Up on her toes. Up ... Up... Up. +You're still quite the boost, Randall Raines ... Except now I've been chopped, and my parts are in a Honda Prelude being driven to church in South America by some Bolivian consulate's wife ... And Tracy's on the move ... +Donny got shot ... A jacker ... How is he -- ? +How is he -- ? They got him to the hospital. He's stable ... +Where to -- ? Kip's not clear yet. We got one more to go -- +You okay -- ? Yeah ... You -- ? +What are you doing... ? Seeing if you wanted to go for a ride? +I can't. I got a back load of repairs and one of the mechanics called in sick and I haven't slept and-- Where to -- ? I dunno. I know a place. +This time it's for real? Oh, yeah. For real, point-five. +What -- ? Nothing. Just that if I was less secure, I might think you were more into Eleanor than you are me... +Nothing. Just that if I was less secure, I might think you were more into Eleanor than you are me... She does have one thing you don't. +She does have one thing you don't. What's that? +What's that? Bench seats. +Am I dying? Are all the angels of my life returning to bid a final farewell? And have my angels completely lost their fashion sense -- ? Hello, Otto ... +Hello, Otto ... You remember Junie? +You remember Junie? Of course. Hi, Junie -- +Whatever do you mean? The chop-shop... Where are the stripped cars? The rolled-back odometers? The part bins? +The chop-shop... Where are the stripped cars? The rolled-back odometers? The part bins? What happened? Old-age happened. I tired of killing them. I woke up one morning and thought I am no longer a destroyer. I am a means of resurrection. Now. We restore. We revive. There are so few things in this life, we can prevent from decay. Most must die. These don't have to... +I heard rumors you were back. About Kip ... He's gotten involved -- +You think it can be done? Are you considering a comeback tour? +Are you considering a comeback tour? Tell me... +Tell me... It can be done. Take two days to shop; one to prep. I'll offer up my bible for a small fee. You also have to hope Kip's jerk-circus didn't undo Castlebeck's linkage so much so that he's setting up surveillance teams on every city block. And then get yourself a crew... +It can be done. Take two days to shop; one to prep. I'll offer up my bible for a small fee. You also have to hope Kip's jerk-circus didn't undo Castlebeck's linkage so much so that he's setting up surveillance teams on every city block. And then get yourself a crew... The hard part ... +The hard part ... """A people is a detour of nature to get 6 or 7 great men - Yes, and then to get around them..."" Nietzsche said that." +"""A people is a detour of nature to get 6 or 7 great men - Yes, and then to get around them..."" Nietzsche said that." Is he still working here ? +Is he still working here ? The old crew. Go find them. I can't help you with that. Since I've cleaned up the act a bit, they no longer come around... A pity how legitimacy makes you unpopular - +The old crew. Go find them. I can't help you with that. Since I've cleaned up the act a bit, they no longer come around... A pity how legitimacy makes you unpopular - I Just don't know how happy they'll be to see me +I remember I had a 1964 Buick Opal. worst car ever built. Value job. Everything broke and I-fixed it. A coma car - built to German specs. Plastic gas line. 3 speedometer head. On a quiet night, you could hear it rusting in the garage. But when that car was gone, I missed it. If it came driving back in here right now, there'd be tears and laughter ... And the moral of that story is -- ? +And the moral of that story is -- ? Go to them. They'll be happy to see you ... Ahhh... +Some crew you got ... If we put out the word. That we're crewing-up, for a one-time-only job... What do you think that'll yield? +You need him... No we don't - +No we don't - I appreciate your dilemma, Memphis. But how are two washed-up thieves and an old man supposed to boost 50 cars in three days... +I appreciate your dilemma, Memphis. But how are two washed-up thieves and an old man supposed to boost 50 cars in three days... His criminal career has officially come to a close ... +His criminal career has officially come to a close ... The conundrum still applies, of course. The purpose of the endeavor is to rescue baby brother from imminent death and/or a life of crime. However. This cannot be successfully carried out without baby brother's considerable resources, shabby though they may be. +Okay, then... Otto? In order to succeed, you're going to have to go old-school. one night boost. Put all your nuts in one basket. And... +"Anyone? The significance of ""Robin 1"" on Magnum's license plate? Memphis?" Robin was Robin Masters. He owned the estate they lived on ... +Robin was Robin Masters. He owned the estate they lived on ... Ten points for our fearless leader ... Sway, how 'bout giving us the honor of the Bill Bixby trifecta -- ? +Split it up. Any word on Donny? He's gonna be okay. Could do a bit. +He's gonna be okay. Could do a bit. What happened to Sway? +What happened to Sway? She left... +Dinosaurs. All of us. The Ice Age is now... I'll see you soon -- +Hey, Memphis. Remember me? Toby Walker. I live next door ... Sure. Hey, Toby. You grew up +Sure. Hey, Toby. You grew up Yeah, I'm cool ... +How old are you now, Toby? Sixteen. But my birthday's in seven months ... +This Eleanor's been living at the International Towers for 3 years now. "Who's ""Eleanor?""" +"Who's ""Eleanor?""" The 167 Mustang Shelby Mustang GT-500. +The 167 Mustang Shelby Mustang GT-500. "Why do you call it ""Eleanor?""" +"Why do you call it ""Eleanor?""" "All the vehicles get code names. Female names. You say ""Eleanor lives at such and such... "" and no one listening on the waves is the wiser ..." +She's not. Carroll Shelby tweaked the Mustang's High-Performance 289 engine and got it legally rated for the street at 450 horsepower ... But its actual output is closer to 600 ... So she flies - +So she flies - She soars - +I logged outside the G.R.A.B. site, right? Then I monitored their incoming outside data requests, right? Then I got these ISDN numbers, right? Then I tracked them back, right? Then I took the one I could jack-up the easiest, right? Then I called back see, they think I'm an insurance company - that's where it looks like I'm coming from -- and they're sharing stats with this insurance company, right? So now they're sharing it with me, right? They think I'm looking for stats for an actuarial conference on auto-theft. So they let me in, right? Give me all these numbers. But then I don't leave, right? I'm in. I've got the key. Now I just go anywhere I want. So what's in there -- ? +So what's in there -- ? "I can tell you who's gonna be on duty tonight. I can tell you how much gas they're using monthly. I can tell you how they used to spend that annoying half-hour between ""FRIENDS"" and ""SEINFELD""..." +What about me? You'll be at the docks ... Keeping Otto abreast of our progress ... +You'll be at the docks ... Keeping Otto abreast of our progress ... How come ... ? +How come ... ? Because you should be home with Nintendo, listening to The Spice Girls, little man ... +Because you should be home with Nintendo, listening to The Spice Girls, little man ... Come on. Kip, talk to the guy +Okay. All our ladies should be home now, tucked in bed. Let's keep chilly. Think Slow. Any questions? You sure I can't go with ya? +You're gonna be okay, Toby... You are ... We'll getcha fixed up... No ... No... No ... Tell me what's gonna happen? Kip? Tell me. What's gonna happen? +You know what you got here? Not really - +Not really - There's excessive resistance in the cranking circuit ... You know what you gotta do -- ? +There's excessive resistance in the cranking circuit ... You know what you gotta do -- ? Not really -- +Not really -- "You have any other answers besides ""not really""?" +"You have any other answers besides ""not really""?" Not -- +Not -- Right. You want to test the voltage drop ... Use the voltmeter ... Remove the primary lead from the ignitioncoil and crank her ... See what you got ... You understand -- ? +Uh ... Randall -- ? Excuse me -- +What do you want, shithead? Why you gotta front me like that? I'm talking to Kip -- +Why you gotta front me like that? I'm talking to Kip -- Why don't you leave him alone? +Why don't you leave him alone? I known Kip longing than you, man ... +I known Kip longing than you, man ... Oooh, ain't you the lucky duck -- +What are you doing here, assface? Checkin' it out +Which way's out, man -- ? Shit all looks the same here -- +You think I don't know? You think I like to keep this inside? But I gotta, or he'll kill the miserable bastard and he'll be there for life. It's disgusting what you have to put up with. Look at Jeannie's kid. +Look at Jeannie's kid. What? What happened? +What? What happened? The oldest one. He was in an argument. A lousy ten-dollar card game. The kid pulls out a gun. It goes off. The kid gets killed. The grandmother hears it and finds out he's been arrested. She has a heart attack. She drops dead right on the spot. Now Jeannie's got a husband and son in jail and a mother in the funeral parlor. +The oldest one. He was in an argument. A lousy ten-dollar card game. The kid pulls out a gun. It goes off. The kid gets killed. The grandmother hears it and finds out he's been arrested. She has a heart attack. She drops dead right on the spot. Now Jeannie's got a husband and son in jail and a mother in the funeral parlor. But he was always a bad kid, that one. +But he was always a bad kid, that one. No. Come on. It was the younger one that was the bad one. +Hey, look at him. Tommy. You grew up. Billy, how are you? +Billy, how are you? Son of a bitch. Get over here. +Hey, Billy. Watch the suit. "Listen to him. ""Watch the suit,"" he says. A little pisser I've known all my life. Hey, Tommy, don't go get too big." +"Listen to him. ""Watch the suit,"" he says. A little pisser I've known all my life. Hey, Tommy, don't go get too big." Don't go busting my balls. Okay? +Don't go busting my balls. Okay? Busting his balls? If I was busting your balls, I'd send you home for your shine box. +You remember Tommy's shines? The kid was great. He made mirrors. No more shines, Billy. +No more shines, Billy. Come ooonnn. Tommeeee. We're only kidding. You can't take a joke? Come ooonn. +Tell him. It's okay. What? +What did you hear about that thing? What thing? The Brooklyn thing? +What thing? The Brooklyn thing? No. No. The guy from downtown. +No. No. The guy from downtown. The guy from near where Christie used to live? +The guy from near where Christie used to live? No. The other one. The one who disappeared up the block from Christie. The one they made a beef on. +No. The other one. The one who disappeared up the block from Christie. The one they made a beef on. Oh I Him. +I don't want any more of that Shit. Wha? Me? +Wha? Me? Just stay away from the garbage. Yon know what I mean. +Just stay away from the garbage. Yon know what I mean. Me? Why would I get into that shit? +Me? Why would I get into that shit? I know what you did inside. You did what you had to do. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking from now on, outside. I'm talking right here. +I know what you did inside. You did what you had to do. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking from now on, outside. I'm talking right here. Why would I get into that? +I'm not going to get fucked like Gribbs. He's seventy years old and the fucking guy is going to die in prison. I don't need that. I don't care who it is. I'm warning everybody. Gribbs got twenty years just because he said hello to some fuck who was sneaking around selling junk behind his back. That's not going to happen to me. You understand? Paulie. Why would I? I swear. +Paulie. Why would I? I swear. You're only home early because we got you a job, right? And I don't need any heat. You understand? +You're only home early because we got you a job, right? And I don't need any heat. You understand? Nods. +Nods. And, if you hear about anybody else fucking around with that shit, you tell me. +And, if you hear about anybody else fucking around with that shit, you tell me. Nods again. +Nods again. Anybody! You understand? +Anybody! You understand? I understand. +I warned you a million times. I've been all fucked up since I got out. +I've been all fucked up since I got out. You think I didn't know what you were doing? +You think I didn't know what you were doing? It was easy money. I did it in the can. Shit! I learned the junk business in the can, Paulie. +It was easy money. I did it in the can. Shit! I learned the junk business in the can, Paulie. Right in my face. You looked in my face and you lied. +Right in my face. You looked in my face and you lied. But, Paulie, I'm sorry. Believe me. I was fucking crazy. But I'm okay now. I can be trusted. I'm clean now. On my children. Believe me! Two weeks cold turkey waiting for bail got my head together... +But, Paulie, I'm sorry. Believe me. I was fucking crazy. But I'm okay now. I can be trusted. I'm clean now. On my children. Believe me! Two weeks cold turkey waiting for bail got my head together... You thought I was some fucking jerk? +You thought I was some fucking jerk? Paulie, I couldn't come to you. I didn't want to put you in this shit. I was ashamed to come to you. I knew I was wrong. +Paulie. You're all I got. I need help. You treated me like shit. +Here. Take it. Now I gotta turn my back on you. Thirty-two hundred bucks. That's what he gave me. Thirty-two hundred bucks for a lifetime. It wouldn't have paid for the coffin. +I had a meeting with Tuddy around eleven o'clock and here I am a back-up guy. Have more coffee. It'll wake you up. +Have more coffee. It'll wake you up. I couldn't wait to get away. I was ordering the dessert when they were eating dinner. When they were having coffee, I was asking for a check. +I didn't know, I swear. I thought it was next week. Liar! +Take it easy. We can talk about it. She's screaming on the street and I mean loud, but she looked good. She had these violet eyes. I remember she's screaming, but mostly I'm looking at her eyes. They were just like Elizabeth Taylor's. That's what everybody said. +She's screaming on the street and I mean loud, but she looked good. She had these violet eyes. I remember she's screaming, but mostly I'm looking at her eyes. They were just like Elizabeth Taylor's. That's what everybody said. Talk? To you? After what you did! +Talk? To you? After what you did! I thought you were going to stand me up. You looked bored. You didn't say anything. What did you expect. Tommy was all over me. Right? +What're you doing? What about the car? He watches it for me. It's better than waiting at a garage. +What do you do? I'm in construction. +I'm in construction. They don't feel like you're in construction. +Go inside. I'll be right there. What are you gonna do? +What are you gonna do? Get inside! +My bag. My bag. What bag? +What bag? The bag with the envelopes. +The bag with the envelopes. Oh that. Don't worry about that. Nobody's gonna steal it. +I Don't know. I don't know if I could live that way. What if, God forbid, you go to prison. Mickey said Jeannie's husband -- Are you nuts? Jeannie's husband went to the can just to get away from her, she's such a pain in the ass. Let me tell you. Nobody goes to jail unless they want to, unless they make themselves get caught. They do stuff with the wrong people. They don't have things organized. You know who goes to jail? Nigger stickup men. That's who. And they only get caught because they fall asleep in the getaway car. +I'm gonna need some money. How much? +I don't care. Something's going on. That again. +Henry. Wake up. What's the matter with you? You're crazy. +It's all bullshit. I swear. It's nothing. Whatever you want, we'll do. The truth was, that no matter how bad I felt, I was still very attracted to him. Why should I give him up to someone else? Why should she win? +The truth was, that no matter how bad I felt, I was still very attracted to him. Why should I give him up to someone else? Why should she win? Son of a bitch. +I thought you were supposed to turn yourself in at ten o'clock this morning? I'm just having my last few drinks. +I'm just having my last few drinks. I've been all over town. I got a call from the bondman. He says they're going to rescind your bail if you don't show up and sign in right now. They're going to take away the house. +I've been all over town. I got a call from the bondman. He says they're going to rescind your bail if you don't show up and sign in right now. They're going to take away the house. Shit. +You son of a bitch. She's been here. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Don't lie to me. I saw her name in the register. +Don't lie to me. I saw her name in the register. Jezuz Christ! +Jezuz Christ! You want her to visit you? Good! Let her stay up all night crying and writing letters to the parole board. +You want her to visit you? Good! Let her stay up all night crying and writing letters to the parole board. What am I doing? I'm in here! I'm in jail. I can't stop people from coming to see me. +Stop! Stop! Let her carry this shit inside. +Nobody's helping me. Tommy got four years. Marty and Fran are broke. I asked your friend Remo for the money he owed you, and you know what he told me? It'll be okay. +It'll be okay. He told me to take the kids to the police station and make the cops put me on welfare. +We've got to help each other. Even Paulie, since he got out, I hardly see him. +Even Paulie, since he got out, I hardly see him. It's only you and me. That's what happens when you go away. We're on our own. Forget everybody. Forget Paulie. As long as he's on parole he doesn't want anybody doing anything. +It's only you and me. That's what happens when you go away. We're on our own. Forget everybody. Forget Paulie. As long as he's on parole he doesn't want anybody doing anything. I can't do it anymore. +I can't do it anymore. Yes, you can. I've got it set up. We'll be fine. All I need is for you to keep bringing the stuff. I've got a guy in here from Pittsburgh who'll move it for me. Believe me, in a month we'll be fine. We won't need anybody. +Yes, you can. I've got it set up. We'll be fine. All I need is for you to keep bringing the stuff. I've got a guy in here from Pittsburgh who'll move it for me. Believe me, in a month we'll be fine. We won't need anybody. I'm afraid. I'm afraid if Paulie finds out. +I'm afraid. I'm afraid if Paulie finds out. Don't worry about Paulie. Is he helping you? Is he putting food on the table? We've got to help ourselves. We just have to be careful while we do it. +Don't worry about Paulie. Is he helping you? Is he putting food on the table? We've got to help ourselves. We just have to be careful while we do it. I don't want to hear about her anymore. +I don't want to hear about her anymore. Never. +Get packed. We're getting out of here. With what? +With what? Don't worry with what. You just start looking for a new place. I'm going to Pittsburgh in the morning. The guys from Pittsburgh they owe me fifteen grand from our little partnership and it's only the beginning. +Don't worry with what. You just start looking for a new place. I'm going to Pittsburgh in the morning. The guys from Pittsburgh they owe me fifteen grand from our little partnership and it's only the beginning. But you've got to see your parole officer in the afternoon and I promised we'd take Judy to F.A.O. Schwarz. +But you've got to see your parole officer in the afternoon and I promised we'd take Judy to F.A.O. Schwarz. Don't worry about it. You listening to me? Now, come on. We gotta go see Paulie. +I had everybody working. Even our old babysitter. She's beautiful. Look at her. Henry, look at her. +She's beautiful. Look at her. Henry, look at her. Hello! Hello! Have a good flight? +Jimmy's calling every day. It's urgent. What did he say, exactly? +What did he say, exactly? At least Jimmy and Mickey want to help. I talk to Mickey every day. That's more than I can say for the rest. +At least Jimmy and Mickey want to help. I talk to Mickey every day. That's more than I can say for the rest. Paul will calm down. You'll see. +I told Jimmy the cops took our cars and froze our bank accounts and he offered to get me some money. Be wants to know what's happening. You gotta meet him. Fuck Jimmy and the money. Didn't I tell you I gotta get out of here first. I gotta straighten every- thing out with Paulie or I'm dead. +Then you're safer in here. Safe? Here? They'll kill me here. They're all afraid I'm gonna rat them out. People are already looking to walk away from me. I'm dead in here. You gotta get me out. +Safe? Here? They'll kill me here. They're all afraid I'm gonna rat them out. People are already looking to walk away from me. I'm dead in here. You gotta get me out. Who's gonna do that? +Who's gonna do that? Just get me out. +So now my plan was to stay alive long enough to sell off the dope that the cops never found and disappear for a while until I got things straightened out. Where's the stuff? +Where's the stuff? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? You know. The stuff I left. +You know. The stuff I left. I flushed it down the toilet. +I flushed it down the toilet. You what? +You what? What did you want me to do with it? They were all over the house. +What did you want me to do with it? They were all over the house. Are you fucking nuts? That was forty, fifty thousand. I need it. I was depending on that money. +Are you fucking nuts? That was forty, fifty thousand. I need it. I was depending on that money. They had a warrant. They went through everything. They would have found it. I swear. +They had a warrant. They went through everything. They would have found it. I swear. Shit You know they would have never found it. Why did you do it? Why did you do it? My God, why did you have to do it? +Shit You know they would have never found it. Why did you do it? Why did you do it? My God, why did you have to do it? Oh no! No! Noooo! +What happened? You okay? I got seared. +I got seared. Okay. Don't worry about it. It's okay. +Okay. Don't worry about it. It's okay. I got scared. +What about the schools? Yeah. What about the kids' school? +What are we going to do with him? We can't dump him in the street. Bring the car round back. I know a place Upstate they'll never find him. +Keep 'em coming. Jimmy was one of the most feared gays in the city. He was first locked up at eleven and was doing hits for mob bosses when he was sixteen. Hits never bothered him. It was business. But what he really loved to do was steal. I mean, he actually enjoyed it. Jimmy was the kind of guy who rooted for the bad guys in the movies. He was one of the city's biggest hijackers. Clothes. Razor blades. Booze. Cigarettes. Shrimp and lobsters. Shrimp and lobsters were the best. They went fast. +You got money for your bullshit television, don't you? I gotta watch you swimming back and forth on TV all night long, don't I? You got money for that, but you don't have my money? Jimmy. He'll be okay. He's good for it. Relax. +We got a problem, that thing we took care of upstate? Paulie was just talking about him. +Paulie was just talking about him. Well, we gotta dig him up again. +Well, we gotta dig him up again. What? +What? The guy just sold the property. They're gonna build condominiums and I don't want anybody digging up the little bastard. +The guy just sold the property. They're gonna build condominiums and I don't want anybody digging up the little bastard. It's been six months. +It's been six months. It's still better than letting somebody find him. +It's still better than letting somebody find him. If Paulie finds out, we got problems. +If Paulie finds out, we got problems. Fuck Paulie. If Batts' crew finds we whacked him, we got real problems. +we're gonna feed the bastard to the lions. What lions? I'm not going near any lions. +What lions? I'm not going near any lions. We only have to shove'em over the moat. +For Christmas. Your share. It's just a taste. Jimmy. +Jimmy. We did it. We did it. +Give'm a drink. I gotta talk to you. +I gotta talk to you. Have a drink first. +Oh yeah? Anything you say. What's going on? What happened to Stacks? Is everything okay? +What's going on? What happened to Stacks? Is everything okay? Don't worry about it. +Don't worry about it. There are cops all over the place. +There are cops all over the place. So what? Where are they gonna go? +Paulie's gonna make him? Who else? Paulie got the okay. This little guinea fuck. Someday he's gonna be a boss. Can you believe someday we'll work for him. +What'll I tell Fran? Who gives a fuck? Tall her he ran away with a broad. What do you care about her. +Watch this. Come on, don't fuck around, will ya? +Come on, don't fuck around, will ya? I do it all the time. Bust their fucking balls. +I do it all the time. Bust their fucking balls. Jimmy, come on. Fuck 'em. Don't give them the satisfaction. +You want the melon? Nah. +Nah. I better call again. +I better call again. Jimmy and I could never be made, because we bad Irish blood. It didn't even matter that my mother was Sicilian. To become a member of a crew, you've got to be one hundred percent Italian So that they can trace all your relatives back to the old country. +What fucking good are these things? They don't fit. What do I need this for? I'm not paying for this shit. Right away I knew he didn't want them. I knew I was going to get stuck for the money. I only bought the damn guns because he wanted them. And now, he didn't want them. I didn't say a thing. Jimmy was so pissed he didn't even say goodbye. +I can't eat, just get me some coffee. He was jumpy. He hadn't touched a thing. In the old days, Jimmy would have ordered doubles and eaten it all. On the surface, of course, everything was supposed to be fine. We were supposed to be discussing my case, just like we always would, but I had a feeling Jimmy was trying to sense whether I was going to rat him out to save my neck. +He was jumpy. He hadn't touched a thing. In the old days, Jimmy would have ordered doubles and eaten it all. On the surface, of course, everything was supposed to be fine. We were supposed to be discussing my case, just like we always would, but I had a feeling Jimmy was trying to sense whether I was going to rat him out to save my neck. I think you got a good shot at beating the case. +I think you got a good shot at beating the case. How? +How? It's that rat bastard from Pittsburgh. He ratted you all out. He's been a rat since he got busted in Pittsburgh. +It's that rat bastard from Pittsburgh. He ratted you all out. He's been a rat since he got busted in Pittsburgh. Yeah. +Yeah. He's hiding, thE son of a bitch, in Florida. +He's hiding, thE son of a bitch, in Florida. Yeah. +Yeah. I want you and Anthony to go down there and take care of that bastard. Without him, they've got no case. +I didn't agree to three points over the vig.- What am I nuts? I didn't need it that much. What are you gonna do? Fight with him? He wants his money. +It's a fait accompli? Done. +Done. And Jimmy's in it, right? +And Jimmy's in it, right? Will you stop. +I want to talk to Jimmy. He heard. +He heard. But I got two hundred and fifty coming. It's my share. Jimmy owes me. +But I got two hundred and fifty coming. It's my share. Jimmy owes me. Marty, please. Let me talk to him. +What happened to you? I can't make any more deliveries. +I can't make any more deliveries. Whadda you mean, you can't make any more deliveries? You're going to fuck up everything? +Whadda you mean, you can't make any more deliveries? You're going to fuck up everything? My father got a letter from the school. He said the next time he'll kill me. +It was the first time I had ever seen anyone shot. You're some fucking jerk. +I You wasted eight fucking aprons on that guy. : I remember feeling bad about the guy. But I remember feeling that maybe Tuddy was right. I knew Paulie didn't want anybody dying in the building. +Where'd you find such creeps? They're okay and it's worth it. Ain't it? +You ready? Yeah. +Yeah. Tell Michael not to 1et the sauce stick. +You know what to do? Yeah, yeah. +Yeah, yeah. Now this is important. Make sure you leave the house when you make the call. You understand? Do you hear me? It's important. Call from an outside phone. I mean it. +Now this is important. Make sure you leave the house when you make the call. You understand? Do you hear me? It's important. Call from an outside phone. I mean it. Jesus! You must think I'm dumb. What are you bugging me for? I know what to do! +Jesus! You must think I'm dumb. What are you bugging me for? I know what to do! Just make sure you do it. You know what I mean? +I gotta go home. What for? I got a pound of stuff in my jacket I've been carrying around all day. We gotta start taping it to your leg. +What for? I got a pound of stuff in my jacket I've been carrying around all day. We gotta start taping it to your leg. I gotta go home and get my hat. +Do you realize what we're involved in here now? I don't care. I need my hat. I won't go without it. +I don't care. I need my hat. I won't go without it. What could I do? If she insisted, I had to drive her home for her goddamn hat. I threw the package in the kitchen and went to take her hone. +Come on, relax. He's drunk. He's been locked up for six years. I don't give a shit. That guy's got no right. +I don't give a shit. That guy's got no right. Tommy. He. doesn't mean anything. Forget about it. +Tommy. He. doesn't mean anything. Forget about it. He's insulting me. Rat bastard. He's never been any fuckin' good. +He's insulting me. Rat bastard. He's never been any fuckin' good. Tommy. Come on. Relax. +Tommy. Come on. Relax. Keep him here. I'm going for a bag. +Batts's made. His whole crew is going to be looking for him. This is fucking bad. There's a shovel at my mother's. +You gotta help me. Okay? This girl I told you about? Diana? She's from the Five Towns. She's Jewish. She won't go out with me alone. Can you believe this shit? She's fucking prejudiced, but she's built. She's never been out with an Italian before. She says she'll only go out on a double date with her girlfriend. You believe this shit? But you gotta see her. I mean, she's beautiful. Will you get the fuck out of here. +Will you get the fuck out of here. Is it my fault she won't go out without her girlfriend? For Chrissake. Come on. You don't even have to stay. Jeesuz! What's the big deal? +Is it my fault she won't go out without her girlfriend? For Chrissake. Come on. You don't even have to stay. Jeesuz! What's the big deal? Tommy ... +Tommy, don't fuck around. Put the gun away. Tommy! No, no. It's okay. +No, no. It's okay. Tommy, come on. Put the gun away. +Tommy, come on. Put the gun away. No. It's okay. Just watch this. Watch it. +Stay there. Don't start. I told you to clean up. Look at this place. It's a pigpen. Look around here. Why do you think I bought you the dishwasher? Look. Look at this. There's enough powder around here to put us all away. +Don't start. I told you to clean up. Look at this place. It's a pigpen. Look around here. Why do you think I bought you the dishwasher? Look. Look at this. There's enough powder around here to put us all away. I hate to do dishes. +I hate to do dishes. Hey, come on. I gotta meet somebody. +Hey, come on. I gotta meet somebody. So do I. +Are you okay? What happened? Nothing. I dropped the soap. That's all. +I don't need this... You said tonight and now it's not tonight... It's okay. I'll make it up. I promise. Just hurry it up a little. Okay? +It's okay. I'll make it up. I promise. Just hurry it up a little. Okay? Okay? +How is he? Okay? Are they busting his chops? He's okay. They sobered him up. +He's okay. They sobered him up. Did he say what they're asking him about? +Did he say what they're asking him about? Jimmy. I don't know. I got so much else on my mind. I got the kids. We got no money. +Jimmy. I don't know. I got so much else on my mind. I got the kids. We got no money. I gotta talk to him as soon as I can. +I gotta talk to him as soon as I can. He says he's too hot. He doesn't even know I came here today. It's like he's crazy. Jimmy. +He says he's too hot. He doesn't even know I came here today. It's like he's crazy. Jimmy. I know. I know. But it'll be okay. Don't worry. I got some money for you. It's down the block. +The third store down. Jimmy just stood there on the sidewalk. It felt funny. I started walking down the block, but I noticed the stores were empty. +He didn't call? He's with his friends. +He's with his friends. What kind of person doesn't call? +What kind of person doesn't call? He's a grown man. Be doesn't have to call every five minutes. +He's a grown man. Be doesn't have to call every five minutes. If he was so grown up he'd get you two an apartment. +If he was so grown up he'd get you two an apartment. Don't bring that up. You're the one who wanted us here. +Don't bring that up. You're the one who wanted us here. Look. He's got the whole house in an uproar. +He's got your father upset. Good thing he doesn't have to go to work in the morning. Is this what he deserves? Ma! Please! You're driving me crazy. +Ma! Please! You're driving me crazy. Driving you crazy? Don't get me started. You're here a month and sometimes I know he doesn't come home at all. What kind of people are these? +Driving you crazy? Don't get me started. You're here a month and sometimes I know he doesn't come home at all. What kind of people are these? Ma! Stop! What do you want me to do? +Ma! Stop! What do you want me to do? Do? What can you do? What did you expect? He wasn't Jewish. Did you know bow they live? Your father would never stay out this late without calling. In thirty years he never stayed out all night. +Do? What can you do? What did you expect? He wasn't Jewish. Did you know bow they live? Your father would never stay out this late without calling. In thirty years he never stayed out all night. Stayed out? Daddy never went out at all. +We'll pack up everything and send it to you. I got dry cleaning. +I got dry cleaning. We'll pick it up. +Don't worry about the schools. We'll take care of the schools. I don't want them left back. +I don't want them left back. They won't be left back. They'll stay in their grade. +They won't be left back. They'll stay in their grade. That's important. +If you knew those fucking kids. They're nuts. Especially that Tommy. What am I going to do with them? But I'm worried. I'm hearing all kinds of things. Paulie. You know me all my life. I've always done the right thing. +But I'm worried. I'm hearing all kinds of things. Paulie. You know me all my life. I've always done the right thing. You think that matters? You think they give a shit about anything? The little bastards. +You think that matters? You think they give a shit about anything? The little bastards. But it isn't right, Paulie. That Tommy, he's making trouble for me all over town. I can't go here. I can't go there. +But it isn't right, Paulie. That Tommy, he's making trouble for me all over town. I can't go here. I can't go there. You? You think you're the only one? I've talked to them a million times, but they don't listen. +You? You think you're the only one? I've talked to them a million times, but they don't listen. But, Paulie, please. +But, Paulie, please. Someday they'll get what's coming to them. That's the only way they'll stop. +Someday they'll get what's coming to them. That's the only way they'll stop. Paulie, I swear, I'm afraid. The guy's nuts. What do I have to do? Whatever I gotta do, I'll do. +Paulie, I swear, I'm afraid. The guy's nuts. What do I have to do? Whatever I gotta do, I'll do. What can I do? If I could do something, don't you think I would? +You want a partner? Please? +You guys know my cousin Mikey Sullivan? Yeah. +Yeah. Well you know how he loves animals right? Anyway, last week he's drivin' home... +Well you know how he loves animals right? Anyway, last week he's drivin' home... What? Come on! +What? Come on! I'm sorry, 'cause you know Mikey, the fuckin guy loves animals, and this is the last person you'd want this to happen to. +Two weeks? That's nothin'. My Uncle Marty? Will knows him. That guy fuckin' drinks like you've never seen! One night he was drivin' back to his house on I-93-- Statie pulls him over. Oh shit. +Oh shit. Guy's tryin' to walk the line--but he can't even fuckin' stand up, and so my uncle's gonna spend a night in jail. Just then there's this fuckin' BOOM like fifty yards down the road. Some guy's car hit a tree. +No way! You're kiddin'! No, he was so hammered that he drove the police cruiser home. Fuckin' lights and everything! +Who's she talking to? That fuckin' guinea, Will knows him. +--Yah, restructurin' the amount of retards they had workin' for them. Fuck you, you fat fuck. +Fuck you, you fat fuck. Least I work for a livin'. Why'd you get fired? +Submit, bitch! Submit! Submit! Suck my cock! +Suck my cock! Oh, Morgan! +Keep fuckin' with me. Watch what happens. All right, then. +All right, then. Watch what happens. +I've been shit faced for like two weeks. Oh great, tell her that! Now she really thinks we're problem drinkers! +Chuckie, what the fuck happened? Okay. He's driving along and this fuckin' cat jumps in front of his car, and so he hits this cat-- +"Yeah, so he's like ""Check the front of my truck, I can prove I hit it 'cause there's probably some blood or something""--" --or a tail-- +Stop brushin' me back! Stop crowdin the plate! +Casey's bouncin' at a bar up Harvard. We should go there sometime. What are we gonna do up there? +What are we gonna do up there? I don't know, we'll fuck up some smart kids. You'd prob'ly fit right in. +I don't know, we'll fuck up some smart kids. You'd prob'ly fit right in. Fuck you. +She's sharp as a marble. "We're not goin'. I don't even like ""Kelly's.""" +She didn't do it again did she? Jesus Christ. Not even close. +Jesus, that's really bad, did anyone even order a Flyin' Fish? No, and we got four of 'em. +What do we got? I don't know yet. +Hey, thanks for comin' out. Yeah, you're all invited over to Morgan's house for a complementary fish sandwhich. +When's the arraignment? Next week. +What'd you get? You get leniency? Probation, counselin', few days a week. +Probation, counselin', few days a week. You're fuckin' good. +Who'd you call? No one. I didn't have the number. +I didn't get on Cathy last night. Why not? +Why not? I don't know. +I don't know what the fuck you're doin'. You're givin' us a ride. What do I look like, Al Cowlins? You want to take my car, drop her off? +What do I look like, Al Cowlins? You want to take my car, drop her off? I was countin' on it. +Thanks, Chuck. Don't get too slap-happy, you're takin' me home first. WILL I don't know, Chuck. It's kinda outta the way. +How's the woman? Gone. +Gone. What? +What? She went to Medical school in California. +She went to Medical school in California. Sorry, brother. I don't know what to tell ya. You know all the girls I been with. You been with 'em too, except for Cheryl McGovern which was a big mistake on your part brother... +Sorry, brother. I don't know what to tell ya. You know all the girls I been with. You been with 'em too, except for Cheryl McGovern which was a big mistake on your part brother... Oh I'm sure, that's why only one of us has herpes. +Oh I'm sure, that's why only one of us has herpes. Some shows are worth the price of admission, partner. +Suck my crank. Fuckin' sheet metal pussy. So, when are you done with those meetin's? Week after I'm twenty-one. +Week after I'm twenty-one. Are they hookin' you up with a job? +Are they hookin' you up with a job? Yeah, sit in a room and do long division for the next fifty years. +Yeah, sit in a room and do long division for the next fifty years. Yah, but it's better than this shit. At least you'd make some nice bank. +Yah, but it's better than this shit. At least you'd make some nice bank. Yeah, be a fuckin' lab rat. +Yeah, be a fuckin' lab rat. It's a way outta here. +It's a way outta here. What do I want a way outta here for? I want to live here the rest of my life. I want to be your next door neighbor. I want to take out kids to little league together up Foley Field. +What do I want a way outta here for? I want to live here the rest of my life. I want to be your next door neighbor. I want to take out kids to little league together up Foley Field. Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way, but in 20 years, if you're livin' next door to me, comin' over watchin' the fuckin' Patriots' games and still workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill you. And that's not a threat, that's a fact. I'll fuckin' kill you. +Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way, but in 20 years, if you're livin' next door to me, comin' over watchin' the fuckin' Patriots' games and still workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill you. And that's not a threat, that's a fact. I'll fuckin' kill you. Chuckie, what are you talkin'... +Chuckie, what are you talkin'... Listen, you got somethin' that none of us have. +Listen, you got somethin' that none of us have. Why is it always this? I owe it to myself? What if I don't want to? +Why is it always this? I owe it to myself? What if I don't want to? Fuck you. You owe it to me. Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be fifty and I'll still be doin' this. And that's all right 'cause I'm gonna make a run at it. But you, you're sittin' on a winning lottery ticket and you're too much of a pussy to cash it in. And that's bullshit 'cause I'd do anything to have what you got! And so would any of these guys. It'd be a fuckin' insult to us if you're still here in twenty years. +Fuck you. You owe it to me. Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be fifty and I'll still be doin' this. And that's all right 'cause I'm gonna make a run at it. But you, you're sittin' on a winning lottery ticket and you're too much of a pussy to cash it in. And that's bullshit 'cause I'd do anything to have what you got! And so would any of these guys. It'd be a fuckin' insult to us if you're still here in twenty years. You don't know that. +You don't know that. Let me tell you what I do know. Every day I come by to pick you up, and we go out drinkin' or whatever and we have a few laughs. But you know what the best part of my day is? The ten seconds before I knock on the door 'cause I let myself think I might get there, and you'd be gone. I'd knock on the door and you wouldn't be there. You just left. +You and Morgan throw? No, I had to talk him down. +No, I had to talk him down. Why didn't you yoke him? +Why didn't you yoke him? Little Morgan's got a lot a scrap, dude. I'd rather fight a big kid, they never fight, everyone's scared of 'em. You know how many people try to whip Morgan's ass every week? Fuckin' kid won't back down. +You're kiddin' me. Yeah, I figured now that you got your big job over in Cambridge, you needed some way to get over there and I knew I wasn't gonna drive you every day... +Okay. So, you ladies ah, go to school here? +What class? Ah, history I think. +Ah, history I think. Oh... +Oh... Yah, it's not a bad school... +I'm glad you came by, changed my opinion of Harvard people. See ya' Chuckie. I had fun. +Yeah, not tonight. Not any other night. He knows, once you see that shit-hole he's gettin' dropped like a bad habit. I wanted to meet your brothers... +Hi. How you doin'? +How you doin'? Good. +How'd you know where to find me? You were the only Sullivan in the phone book. +Oh, right. This is your house, right? +I guess so. What? No. This is my mother's house. I don't live with my mother. I just stop by, help out. I'm good like that. +What? No. This is my mother's house. I don't live with my mother. I just stop by, help out. I'm good like that. Is this a bad time? +Is this a bad time? She'll live. If she starts yelling again I might have to run in real quick and beat her with the stick again but... +She'll live. If she starts yelling again I might have to run in real quick and beat her with the stick again but... Okay. +Okay. Let's take a walk. EXT. CHUCKIE'S STREET -- DAY +See, now this doesn't feel right. When I made the decision to come over here it felt right. I had all these rationalizations... I just don't understand why Will never tells me anything, he won't let me get close to him, he tells me these weird lies-- You caught that, huh? +You caught that, huh? I just wanted to find out what was going on...But now that I'm here it seems strange, doesn't it? +I just wanted to find out what was going on...But now that I'm here it seems strange, doesn't it? Well, I don't have no trousers on... +I don't care what his family's like or if he doesn't have any brothers, but he doesn't have to lie to me. I really don't know what to say. Look, I lie to women all the time. That's just my way. Last week Morgan brought these girls down from Roslindale. I told them I was a cosmonaut. They believed me. But Will's not usually like that-- +Is that true? Yeah, it is. +--That isn't funny-- "--and he's like ""shit! Motherfucker!"" And he looks in his rearview and sees this cat-- I'm sorry--" +Jesus. "And all the time he's apologizin' to the cat, goin' ""I'm sorry."" BANG, ""I'm sorry."" BANG!" +WILL! And so they go around to the front of his truck...and there's another cat on the grille. +Yah, that is a nice ass. You could put a pool in that backyard. +Fuck this, let's get something to eat... What Morgan, you're not gonna go talk to her? +What Morgan, you're not gonna go talk to her? Fuck her. +"Morgan, I'm not goin' to ""Kelly's Roast Beef"" just cause you like the take-out girl. It's fifteen minutes out of our way. MORGAN What else we gonna do we can't spare fifteen minutes?" "All right Morgan, fine. I'll tell you why we're not going to ""Kelly's."" It's because the take-out bitch is a fuckin' idiot. I'm sorry you like her but she's dumb as a post and she has never got our order right, never once." +"All right Morgan, fine. I'll tell you why we're not going to ""Kelly's."" It's because the take-out bitch is a fuckin' idiot. I'm sorry you like her but she's dumb as a post and she has never got our order right, never once." She's not stupid. +Would you shut the fuck up! I know what you ordered, I was there! So why don't you give me my sandwhich? +So why don't you give me my sandwhich? "What do you mean ""your sandwhich?"" I bought it." +"What do you mean ""your sandwhich?"" I bought it." Yah, all right... +Yah, all right... How much money you got? +How much money you got? I told you, I just got change. +I told you, I just got change. Well give me your fuckin' change and we'll put your fuckin' sandwhich on lay-away. +Well give me your fuckin' change and we'll put your fuckin' sandwhich on lay-away. Why you gotta be an asshole Chuckie? +Why you gotta be an asshole Chuckie? I think you should establish a good line of credit. +Did she get my Double Burger? NO SHE DIDN'T GET YOUR DOUBLE BURGER!! IT'S ALL FUCKIN' FLYIN' FISH FILET!! +Come on, Will... Shut up. +Shut up. No, why didn't you fight him at the park if you wanted to? I'm not goin' now, I'm eatin' my snack. WILL So don't go. +Morgan, Let's go. I'm serious Chuckie, I ain't goin'. +You got fired from pushing a broom, you little bitch. Yah, that was different. Management was restructurin'-- +My uncle can probably get you on my demo team. What the fuck? I just asked you for a job yesterday! +What the fuck? I just asked you for a job yesterday! "I told you ""no"" yesterday!" +Some other guy? "Yeah, he was probably drunker than my Uncle, who fuckin' knows? So the cop goes ""Stay here"" And he goes runnin' down the highway to deal with the other crash. So, my Uncle Marty's standin' on the side of the road for a little while, and he's so fuckin' lit, that he forgets what he's waitin' for. So he goes, ""Fuck it."" He gets in his car and drives home." +"Yeah, he was probably drunker than my Uncle, who fuckin' knows? So the cop goes ""Stay here"" And he goes runnin' down the highway to deal with the other crash. So, my Uncle Marty's standin' on the side of the road for a little while, and he's so fuckin' lit, that he forgets what he's waitin' for. So he goes, ""Fuck it."" He gets in his car and drives home." Holy shit. +Holy shit. "So in the morning, there's a knock on the door it's the Statie. So my Uncle's like, ""Is there a problem?"" And the Statie's like ""I pulled you over and you took off."" And my Uncle's like ""I never seen you before in my life, I been home all night with my kids."" And Statie's like ""Let me get in your garage!"" So he's like ""All right, fine."" He takes around the garage and opens the door --and the Statie's cruiser is in my Uncle's garage." +Did your Uncle get arrested? The fuckin' Trooper was so embarrassed he didn't do anything. The fuckin' guy had been drivin' around in my Uncle's car all night lookin' for the house. +It's a good thing no one's Irish here. I'm Irish. +Chuck, let's go. You're walkin' bitch, Will's takin' the car. +What's up guys? Why don't you beat off at your house? +Why don't you beat off at your house? I don't have a VCR at my house. +Oh my God, I got the most fucked up thing I been meanin' to tell you. Save it for your mother, funny guy. We heard it before. +Save it for your mother, funny guy. We heard it before. Oh, Morgan. +What'd you say about me? Shut the fuck up. +Hey, asshole. Happy Birthday. You thought we forgot, didn't you? I know I'm gettin' my licks in. +Me and Bill scraped together the parts, worked on it. Morgan was out panhandlin' every day. Fuck you, I did the body work. Whose fuckin' router you think sanded out all that bondo? +Fuck you, I did the body work. Whose fuckin' router you think sanded out all that bondo? Guy's been up my ass for two years about a fuckin' job. I had to let him help with the car. +I'm not sure-- --These circumstances are mitigated. Right now. They're mitigated. +Will, our offer starts you at eighty- four thousand a year, plus benefits. Retainer... +Retainer... You want us to give you cash right now? +You want us to give you cash right now? Allegedly, what I am saying is your situation will be concurrently improved if I had two hundred sheets in my pocket right now. +I don't think I...Larry? I have about seventy-three... +I have about seventy-three... Will you take a check? +Will you take a check? Come now...what do you think I am, a juvinile? You don't got any money on you right now. You think I'm gonna take a check? EXECUTIVE It's fine, John, I can cover the rest. +What class did you say that was? History. +History. How'd you like that course? +How'd you like that course? Good, it was all right. +Good, it was all right. "History? Just ""history?"" It must have been a survey course then." +Hey, come on pal we're in classes all day. That's one thing about Harvard never seizes to amaze me, everybody's talkin' about school all the time. "Hey, I'm the last guy to want to talk about school at the bar. But as long as you're here I want to ""seize"" the opportunity to ask you a question." +To tell you the truth, I wasn't there much. The class was rather elementary. Elementary? Oh, I don't doubt that it was. I remember the class, it was just between recess and lunch. +All right, are we gonna have a problem? There's no problem. I was just hoping you could give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the early colonies. My contention is that prior to the Revolutionary War the economic modalities especially of the southern colonies could most aptly be characterized as agrarian pre- capitalist and... +So why do you think I should work for the National Security Agency? Well, you'd be working on the cutting edge. You'd be exposed to the kind of technology you couldn't see anywhere else because we've classified it. Super string theory, Chaos Math, Advanced algorithms-- +Well, you'd be working on the cutting edge. You'd be exposed to the kind of technology you couldn't see anywhere else because we've classified it. Super string theory, Chaos Math, Advanced algorithms-- Codebreaking. +Codebreaking. That's one aspect of what we do. +That's one aspect of what we do. Come on, that's what you do. You handle more than eighty percent of the intelligence workload. You're seven times the size of the C.I.A. +Come on, that's what you do. You handle more than eighty percent of the intelligence workload. You're seven times the size of the C.I.A. "That's exactly right, Will. So the question as I see it isn't ""why should you work for N.S.A."" it's ""why shouldn't you?""" +"That's exactly right, Will. So the question as I see it isn't ""why should you work for N.S.A."" it's ""why shouldn't you?""" Why shouldn't I work for the National Security Agency? That's a tough one. +Okay, you're in your bed, Will. Now how old are you? Seven. +Seven. And what do you see? +And what do you see? Somethin's in my room. +Somethin's in my room. What is it? +What is it? It's like a small figure, hoverin' over me. Gettin' closer. +You're in a safe place, Will. It's touching me. +Where is it touching you? Down there. And I'm nervous. +Down there. And I'm nervous. You don't have to be nervous, Will. +Alexander, I know your theory. The boy is updating, he's strategy stealing... With a Ramses graph on the binary tree-- +With a Ramses graph on the binary tree-- --But what he's doing, he's attaching an edge to the adjacent vertex. He can always failsafe to either side-- +--But what he's doing, he's attaching an edge to the adjacent vertex. He can always failsafe to either side-- Maker can. This is not new, Gerry! +No, there's a limit. The limit is not found! The limit is not found. +"--Maker builds ""K"" to the ""N."" N is three to the K times--" --But-- +Excuse me. Is this the buildings and grounds office? Yeah, can I help you? +Yeah, can I help you? I'm trying to find the name of a student who works here. +I'm trying to find the name of a student who works here. No students work for me. +No students work for me. Could you just check, because the young man who works in my building-- +Could you just check, because the young man who works in my building-- Which one's your building? +Which one's your building? Building two. +Well, if something was stolen, I should know about it. No, no. Nothing like that. I just need his name. TERRY I can't give you his name unless you have a complaint. +No, no. Nothing like that. I just need his name. TERRY I can't give you his name unless you have a complaint. Please, I'm a professor here and it's very important. +Please, I'm a professor here and it's very important. Well, he didn't show up for work today... +Oh, I'm sorry. What're you doing? +What're you doing? I'm sorry. +What's your name? Don't you walk away from me. This is people's work, you can't graffiti here. Hey fuck you. +Hey fuck you. Well... I'll be speaking to your supervisor. +Hello. Gerald Lambeau, M.I.T. Fuck do you want? +Fuck do you want? I've spoken with the judge and he's agreed to release you under my supervision. +I've spoken with the judge and he's agreed to release you under my supervision. Really? +Really? Yes. Under two conditions. +Yes. Under two conditions. What're those? +What're those? That you meet with me twice a week-- +If I agree to this, I walk right now? That's right. +That's right. I'll do the work. I'm not going to meet with a therapist. +I'll do the work. I'm not going to meet with a therapist. Now, it won't be as bad as it sounds, Will. I've already spoken to one therapist, his name is Henry Lipkin and he's a friend of mine. He's also published four books and is widely considered to be one of the brightest men in his field. I'm sure it'll be better than spending the next six months in jail. +This rectangle is subdivided into rectangles. One edge of an inner rectangle is an integer. Can you prove that one edge of the larger rectangle is an integer? Of course. +Of course. Okay. How? +Okay. How? It's an integer proof. +That would be a monumental waste of time, wouldn't it, Will? I think so. +I think so. I happen to know so. +What's that? Half-red, half-black-- +Half-red, half-black-- --that?-- +--that?-- --Half-red, half-black-- +--Half-red, half-black-- --That edge! +--That edge! An integer. +Shall we start the, uh... Yeah, when do I get my hypnosis? You guys been talkin' for twenty minutes. +Oh, for God's sake, Will. Oh, come on! You're not pinnin' this one on me. He left, I wanted to talk to him for another twenty minutes. I was havin' fun. +Oh, come on! You're not pinnin' this one on me. He left, I wanted to talk to him for another twenty minutes. I was havin' fun. I told you to cooperate with these people. +I told you to cooperate with these people. C'mon, that guy was a fuckin' piece of work. +Get out, Will. Okay...don't forget to get another therapist for next week. +Okay...don't forget to get another therapist for next week. That's enough. +No. Will, this is Sean Maguire. Sean, Will Hunting. +This is correct. I see you used Mclullen here-- I don't know what it's called. +I don't know what it's called. --This can't be right. This is going to be very embarrassing. Have you ever considered-- +--This can't be right. This is going to be very embarrassing. Have you ever considered-- I'm pretty sure it's right. +Can I ask you a favor, can we do this at Sean's from now on? 'Cause I leave work to come here and the fuckin' commute is killin' me-- That's fine, but did you ever think-- +That's fine, but did you ever think-- It's right. Take it home with you. +It's right. Take it home with you. Will, what happened at the Tri-tech meeting? +Will, what happened at the Tri-tech meeting? I couldn't go 'cause I had a date. So I sent my cheif negotiator. +I couldn't go 'cause I had a date. So I sent my cheif negotiator. Will, on your own time, you can do what you like. When I set up a meeting, with my associates, and you don't show up it reflects poorly on me. +Will, on your own time, you can do what you like. When I set up a meeting, with my associates, and you don't show up it reflects poorly on me. Then don't set up any more meetings. +Then don't set up any more meetings. I'll cancel every meeting right now. I'll give you a job myself. I just wanted you to see what was out there. +I'll cancel every meeting right now. I'll give you a job myself. I just wanted you to see what was out there. --Maybe I don't want to spend my life sittin' around and explaining shit to people. +--Maybe I don't want to spend my life sittin' around and explaining shit to people. The least you can do is show me a little appreciation. +The least you can do is show me a little appreciation. --You know how fuckin' easy this is to me? This is a joke! And I'm sorry you can't do this. I really am. 'Cause if you could I wouldn't be forced to watch you fumble around and fuck it up. +--You know how fuckin' easy this is to me? This is a joke! And I'm sorry you can't do this. I really am. 'Cause if you could I wouldn't be forced to watch you fumble around and fuck it up. Sure, then you'd have more time to sit around and get drunk. Think of how many fights you could have been in by now. +Well, I'm sorry. So am I. Yes. That's right, Will. Most days I wish I never met you. Because then I could sleep at night. I wouldn't have to walk around with the knowledge that someone like you was out there. And I wouldn't have to watch you throw it all away. +What are you smiling at? It's a Carlton Fisk baseball card. +I can come back. No, that's fine, Will. I was just leaving. +Will. Hey, how you doin'? +Hey, how you doin'? You know, you're no longer required to come here. +You know, you're no longer required to come here. I was just sayin' goodbye to Sean. +I was just sayin' goodbye to Sean. Sam called me. From Tri-tech. He says you start working for them next week. +Thank you. I just want you to know...It's been a pleasure. +I just want you to know...It's been a pleasure. Bullshit. +This job... Do it if it's what you really want. I appreciate that. +Yes. Listen, I'll be nearby so, if you need some help, or you get stuck again, don't be afraid to give me a call. +Listen, I'll be nearby so, if you need some help, or you get stuck again, don't be afraid to give me a call. Thank you, Will. I'll do that. +Excuse me, Professor Lambeau? Yes. +Yes. I'm in your applied theories class. We're all down at the Math and Science building. +I'm in your applied theories class. We're all down at the Math and Science building. It's Saturday. +It's Saturday. I know. We just couldn't wait 'till Monday to find out. +I know. We just couldn't wait 'till Monday to find out. Find out what? +Find out what? Who proved the theorem. +Good to meet you. Pleasure to meet you. +Excuse me, Timmy. Could you help us? We're trying to settle a bet. Uh-oh. +Uh-oh. Have you heard of Jonas Salk? +Have you heard of Jonas Salk? Yeah, cured polio. +Yeah, cured polio. You've heard of Albert Einstein? +How about Gerald Lambeau? Ever heard of him? No. LAMBEAU Okay thank you, Timmy. +No. LAMBEAU Okay thank you, Timmy. So who won the bet? +So who won the bet? I did. +Sean. Well, it seems we're in the presence of greatness. Professor Gerald Lambeau is a Field's Medal winner. Combunatorial Mathematics. 1986. +Hello. The Field's Medal is the Nobel Prize for math. But it's only given out every four years. +Good to see you. Good to see you. +Good to see you. Is there someplace we can talk? +I didn't see you at the reunion. I've been busy. +I've been busy. You were missed. How long has it been since we've seen each other? +You were missed. How long has it been since we've seen each other? Since Nancy died. +Since Nancy died. I'm sorry, that damn conference-- +I'm sorry, that damn conference-- I got your card. +I've been busy, Gerry. I got a full schedule. This kid's special, Sean. I've never seen anything like him. +This kid's special, Sean. I've never seen anything like him. Not much free time, Gerry. LAMBEAU Have you ever heard of a man named Ramanujan? +Yeah. He was alive over a hundred years ago. He was Indian. Dots, not feathers... +And he mailed it to Hardy-- --That's right, Sean. He mailed it to a professor at Cambridge who immediately recognized the brilliance in his work and brought Ramanujan to England. +--That's right, Sean. He mailed it to a professor at Cambridge who immediately recognized the brilliance in his work and brought Ramanujan to England. Where he contracted pneumonia and died at a young age-- +Where he contracted pneumonia and died at a young age-- They worked together for the remainder of their lives, producing some of the most exciting math theory ever done. Ramanujan's genius was unparalleled, Sean. This boy is like that. But he's very defensive and I need someone who can get through to him. +They worked together for the remainder of their lives, producing some of the most exciting math theory ever done. Ramanujan's genius was unparalleled, Sean. This boy is like that. But he's very defensive and I need someone who can get through to him. Why me? +Why me? I need someone with your kind of background. +I need someone with your kind of background. My kind of background? +My kind of background? You're from the same neighborhood. South Boston. +You're from the same neighborhood. South Boston. He's from Southie? How many people did you try before you came to me? +He's from Southie? How many people did you try before you came to me? Five. +Not Rick? You didn't send him to Rick? Just meet with the boy once a week. +Just meet with the boy once a week. Can we do it at my office? +Can we do it at my office? That would be fine. +I got it. It's on the college. +Any vulnerability he senses, he'll exploit. I'll be okay. +I'll be okay. It's a poker game with this young man. Don't let him see what you've got. +Would you excuse us? Tom. +Tom. You too, Gerry. +"What do you mean ""he didn't talk?"" You sat there for an hour?" No, he just sat there and counted the seconds until the session was over. It was pretty impressive, actually. +No, he just sat there and counted the seconds until the session was over. It was pretty impressive, actually. Why would he do that? +Why would he do that? To show me he doesn't have to talk to me if he doesn't want to. +To show me he doesn't have to talk to me if he doesn't want to. "Oh, what is this? Some kind of staring contest between two kids from the ""old neighborhood?""" +"Oh, what is this? Some kind of staring contest between two kids from the ""old neighborhood?""" I won't talk first. +Gerry! Any trouble finding the place? Not at all. +Not at all. Timmy this is Gerry, an old friend of mine. We went to college together. +You're here quite a bit, then. I live right around the corner. +I live right around the corner. You moved? +You moved? I been here a couple years. +Seems like it's going well. I think so. +I think so. Well, have you talked to him at all about his future? +Well, have you talked to him at all about his future? We haven't really gotten into it. LAMBEAU Maybe you should. My phone's been ringing off the hook with job offers. +We haven't really gotten into it. LAMBEAU Maybe you should. My phone's been ringing off the hook with job offers. Jobs doing what? +Jobs doing what? Cutting edge mathematics. Think tanks. The kind of place where a mind like Will's is given free reign. +Cutting edge mathematics. Think tanks. The kind of place where a mind like Will's is given free reign. That's great, Gerry, that there's interest-- But I'm not sure he's ready for that. +That's great, Gerry, that there's interest-- But I'm not sure he's ready for that. Sean, I really don't think you understand-- +Sean, I really don't think you understand-- What don't I understand? +He married his cousin. Who? +Who? Einstein. Had two marriages, both train-wrecks. The guy never saw his kids, one of whom, I think, ended up in an asylum-- +You see, Sean? That's exactly not the point. No one remembers that. They-- I do. +I do. Well, you're the only one. +Just...take it easy, Gerry. Look, I don't know what else I can say. I'm not sitting at home every night, twisting my mustache and hatching a plan to ruin the boy's life. But it's important to start early. I was doing advanced mathematics at eighteen and it still took me twenty-three years to do something worthy of a Field's medal. +Look, I don't know what else I can say. I'm not sitting at home every night, twisting my mustache and hatching a plan to ruin the boy's life. But it's important to start early. I was doing advanced mathematics at eighteen and it still took me twenty-three years to do something worthy of a Field's medal. Maybe he doesn't care about that. +Sean, this is important. And it's above personal rivalry-- Now wait a minute, Gerry-- +Now wait a minute, Gerry-- --No, no you hear me out, Sean. This young man is a true prodigy-- +--No, no you hear me out, Sean. This young man is a true prodigy-- --Personal rivalry? I'm not getting back at you. +--Personal rivalry? I'm not getting back at you. Look, you took one road and I took another. That's fine. +Look, you took one road and I took another. That's fine. Is it Gerry? 'Cause I don't think it's fine with you. Give him time to figure out what he wants. +Is it Gerry? 'Cause I don't think it's fine with you. Give him time to figure out what he wants. That's a wonderful theory, Sean. It worked wonders for you. +This is a disaster! I brought you in here to help me with this boy, not to run him out-- Now wait a minute-- +Now wait a minute-- --And confuse him-- +--And confuse him-- --Gerry-- +--Gerry-- --And here I am for the second week in a row with my professional reputation at stake-- +--And here I am for the second week in a row with my professional reputation at stake-- Hold on! +Hold on! --Ready to falsify documents because you've given him license to walk away from this. +--Ready to falsify documents because you've given him license to walk away from this. I know what I'm doing and I know why I'm here! +I know what I'm doing and I know why I'm here! Look Sean, I don't care if you have a rapport with the boy-- I don't care if you have a few laughs-- even at my expense! But don't you dare undermine what I'm trying to do here. +Look Sean, I don't care if you have a rapport with the boy-- I don't care if you have a few laughs-- even at my expense! But don't you dare undermine what I'm trying to do here. """Undermine?""" +"""Undermine?""" He has a gift and with that gift comes responsibility. And you don't understand that he's at a fragile point-- +He has a gift and with that gift comes responsibility. And you don't understand that he's at a fragile point-- He is at a fragile point. He's got problems-- +He is at a fragile point. He's got problems-- What problems does he have, Sean, that he is better off as a janitor or in jail or hanging around with-- +What problems does he have, Sean, that he is better off as a janitor or in jail or hanging around with-- Why do you think he does that, Gerry? +Why do you think he does that, Gerry? He can handle the work, he can handle the pressure and he's obviously handled you. +He can handle the work, he can handle the pressure and he's obviously handled you. Why is he hiding? Why is he a janitor? Why doesn't he trust anybody? Because the first thing that happened to him was that he was abandoned by the people who were supposed to love him the most! +Why is he hiding? Why is he a janitor? Why doesn't he trust anybody? Because the first thing that happened to him was that he was abandoned by the people who were supposed to love him the most! Oh, come on, Sean-- +Oh, come on, Sean-- --And why does he hang out with his friends? Because any one of those kids would come in here and take a bat to your head if he asked them to. It's called loyalty! +--And why does he hang out with his friends? Because any one of those kids would come in here and take a bat to your head if he asked them to. It's called loyalty! Oh, that's nice-- +Oh, that's nice-- --And who do you think he's handling? He pushes people away before they have a chance to leave him. And for 20 years he's been alone because of that. And if you try to push him into this, it's going to be the same thing all over again. And I'm not going to let that happen to him! +--And who do you think he's handling? He pushes people away before they have a chance to leave him. And for 20 years he's been alone because of that. And if you try to push him into this, it's going to be the same thing all over again. And I'm not going to let that happen to him! Now don't do that. Don't you do that! Don't infect him with the idea that it's okay to quit. That it's okay to be a failure, because it's not okay! If you're angry at me for being successful, for being what you could have been-- +Now don't do that. Don't you do that! Don't infect him with the idea that it's okay to quit. That it's okay to be a failure, because it's not okay! If you're angry at me for being successful, for being what you could have been-- --I'm not angry at you-- +--I'm not angry at you-- --Yes you are, Sean. You resent me. And I'm not going to apologize for any success that I've had. +--Yes you are, Sean. You resent me. And I'm not going to apologize for any success that I've had. --I don't have any anger at you-- +--I don't have any anger at you-- Yes you do. You're angry at me for doing what you could have done. Ask yourself if you want Will to feel that way for the rest of his life, to feel like a failure. +Yes you do. You're angry at me for doing what you could have done. Ask yourself if you want Will to feel that way for the rest of his life, to feel like a failure. That's it. That's why I don't come to the goddamn reunions! Becaue I can't stand the look in your eye when you see me! You think I'm a failure! I know who I am. I'm proud of who I am. And all of you, you think I'm some kind of pity case! You with your sycophant students following you around. And you Goddamn Medal! +That's it. That's why I don't come to the goddamn reunions! Becaue I can't stand the look in your eye when you see me! You think I'm a failure! I know who I am. I'm proud of who I am. And all of you, you think I'm some kind of pity case! You with your sycophant students following you around. And you Goddamn Medal! --Is that what this is about, Sean? The Field's Medal? Do you want me to go home and get it for you? Then will you let the boy-- +--Is that what this is about, Sean? The Field's Medal? Do you want me to go home and get it for you? Then will you let the boy-- --I don't want your trophy and I don't give a shit about it! 'Cause I knew you when!! You and Jack and Tom Sanders. I knew you when you were homesick and pimply-faced and didn't know what side of the bed to piss on! +--I don't want your trophy and I don't give a shit about it! 'Cause I knew you when!! You and Jack and Tom Sanders. I knew you when you were homesick and pimply-faced and didn't know what side of the bed to piss on! That's right! You were smarter than us then and you're smarter than us now! So don't blame me for how your life turned out. It's not my fault. +That's right! You were smarter than us then and you're smarter than us now! So don't blame me for how your life turned out. It's not my fault. I don't blame you! It's not about that! It's about the boy! 'Cause he's a good kid! And I won't see this happen to him-- I won't see you make him feel like a failure too! +I don't blame you! It's not about that! It's about the boy! 'Cause he's a good kid! And I won't see this happen to him-- I won't see you make him feel like a failure too! He won't be a failure! +He won't be a failure! If you push him into something, if you ride him-- +If you push him into something, if you ride him-- You're wrong, Sean. I'm where I am today because I was pushed. And because I learned to push myself! +You're wrong, Sean. I'm where I am today because I was pushed. And because I learned to push myself! He's not you! +Hello, Sean. Come in. +Come in. Sean... +Sean... Me too. +So I hear you're taking some time. Yeah. Summer vacation. Thought I'd travel some. Maybe write a little bit. +Yeah. Summer vacation. Thought I'd travel some. Maybe write a little bit. Where're you going? +Where're you going? I don't know. India maybe. +I don't know. India maybe. Why there? +Why there? Never been. +Do you know when you'll be back? I got this mailer the other day. Class of Sixty-five is having this event in six months. +I got this mailer the other day. Class of Sixty-five is having this event in six months. I got one of those too. +I got one of those too. You should come. I'll buy you a drink. +How about one now? Sounds good. +Sean, do you have any idea what the odds are against winning the lottery? I don't know... Gotta be at least four to one. +I don't know... Gotta be at least four to one. About thirty million to one. +About thirty million to one. You're pretty quick with those numbers. How about the odds of me buying the first round? +You're pretty quick with those numbers. How about the odds of me buying the first round? About thirty million to one. +I called Mel Weintraub this morning, to check for availability. What's the point? +What's the point? What do you want to do? +What do you want to do? There is somebody... +There is somebody... Who is he? +Who is he? He was my roommate in college. +What should I do? The boy was here. He came in, sat down and we worked together. +It's walkin' pretty slow at this point. You guys are fuckin' sick. +I could go for a Whopper. "Let's hit ""Kelly's.""" +Well, she out did herself today... I don't got a crush on her. +What happened? You got fired, huh? Yeah, Morgan. I got fired. +Yeah, Morgan. I got fired. How fuckin' retarded do you have to be to get shit-canned from that job? How hard is it to push a fuckin' broom? +"There goes that fuckin' Barney right now, with his fuckin' ""skiin' trip."" We should'a kicked that dude's ass." Hold up. +Will, I can't believe you brought Skylar here when we're all wrecked. What's she gonna think about us? Yeah, Morgan. It's a real rarity that we'd be out drinkin'. +So, you finally got a job Morgan? Had one, now I'm fucked again. +Had one, now I'm fucked again. So what do you got, a fuckin' Hyundai engine under there? Can I make it back to my house? +That's why I love stock-car racin'. That Dale Ernhart's real good. Now you know Will, and I know, what you need to be doing. You have a gift. +Now you know Will, and I know, what you need to be doing. You have a gift. I could work the pit maybe, but I could never drive like Dale Ernhart-- +I could work the pit maybe, but I could never drive like Dale Ernhart-- "--you have a quality-- something you were born with, that you have no control over- and you are, in a sense, hiding that by becoming a janitor. And I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm friends with the janitor that works in my building. He's been to my house for dinner. As a matter of fact I did some free consultation for ""Mike"" -- that's not his real name. That's in my book." +"--you have a quality-- something you were born with, that you have no control over- and you are, in a sense, hiding that by becoming a janitor. And I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm friends with the janitor that works in my building. He's been to my house for dinner. As a matter of fact I did some free consultation for ""Mike"" -- that's not his real name. That's in my book." "Yeah, I read your book. ""Mike"" had the same problems as ""Chad"" the stockbroker." +"Yeah, I read your book. ""Mike"" had the same problems as ""Chad"" the stockbroker." Yes. The pressures you feel, and again, I am neither labeling nor judging them, are keeping you from fulfilling your potential -- you're in a rut. So stop the Tom Foolery -- the Shenanigan's, Will. +Yes. The pressures you feel, and again, I am neither labeling nor judging them, are keeping you from fulfilling your potential -- you're in a rut. So stop the Tom Foolery -- the Shenanigan's, Will. You're right. I know. +You're right. I know. Will, your not getting off that easy. +Will, your not getting off that easy. No, but, I mean you know...I do other things. That no one knows about. +No, but, I mean you know...I do other things. That no one knows about. Like what, Will? +Like what, Will? I go places, I interact. +I go places, I interact. What places? +What places? Certain, clubs. Like, Paradise. It's not bad. +I might understand that. Do you find it hard to hide the fact that you're gay? +Do you find it hard to hide the fact that you're gay? What? +What? C'mon, I read your book. I talked to you. It's just something I know to be true. +C'mon, I read your book. I talked to you. It's just something I know to be true. That's very presumptuous. +That's very presumptuous. Buddy, two seconds ago you were ready to give me a jump. +Buddy, two seconds ago you were ready to give me a jump. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm married and I have two children. +Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm married and I have two children. I'm sure you do. You probably got a real nice house, nice car -- your book's a best seller. +I'm sure you do. You probably got a real nice house, nice car -- your book's a best seller. You're getting defensive, Will. +You're getting defensive, Will. Look, man. I don't care if you're putting from the rough. There are solid arguments that some of the greatest people in history were gay; Alexander the Great, Caeser, Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, Napoleon, Gertrude Stein, not to mention Danny Terrio, not many straight men can dance like that. +Look, man. I don't care if you're putting from the rough. There are solid arguments that some of the greatest people in history were gay; Alexander the Great, Caeser, Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, Napoleon, Gertrude Stein, not to mention Danny Terrio, not many straight men can dance like that. "Who is ""Danny Terrio?""" +"Who is ""Danny Terrio?""" "If you wanna hit ""Ramrod,"" take your shot. Take some pride in it. You go to church? So fuckin' what, God loves you. I mean, Christ. A guy as well known as you? By the time you put your disguise on and skulk out of the house Sunday nights you probably look like ""Inspector Cluseau.""" +Well, I can see this is pointless... You're getting defensive...Henry. And hey, cheif--tell the wife, at least. Christ, set her free. +"Did you buy all these books retail, or do you send away for like a ""shrink kit"" that comes with all these volumes included?" Have you read all these books, Will? +Have you read all these books, Will? Probably not. +Probably not. How about the ones on that shelf? +Yeah, I read those. What did you think? +What did you think? I'm not here for a fuckin' book report. They're your books, why don't you read 'em? +I'm not here for a fuckin' book report. They're your books, why don't you read 'em? I did. +I did. That must have taken you a long time. +That must have taken you a long time. Yeah, it did take me a long time. +"""A History of the United States, Volume I."" If you want to read a real history book, read Howard Zinn's ""A People's History of the United States."" That book will knock you on your ass." "How about Noam Chomsky's ""Manufacturing Consent?""" +"How about Noam Chomsky's ""Manufacturing Consent?""" You people baffle me. You spend all this money on beautiful, fancy books-- and they're the wrong fuckin' books. +You people baffle me. You spend all this money on beautiful, fancy books-- and they're the wrong fuckin' books. You think so? +You think so? Whatever blows your hair back. +Guy your age shouldn't smoke so much. Stunt your growth. You're right. It really gets in the way of my jazzercizing. +Yes, I do. Nautilus? +Nautilus? Free weights. WILL Oh yeah? Me too. What do you bench? +Free weights. WILL Oh yeah? Me too. What do you bench? 285. +285. Oh. +Yeah. Do you paint? No. +No. Crayons? +Crayons? This is a real piece of shit. +This is a real piece of shit. Tell me what you really think. +Tell me what you really think. Poor color composition, lousy use of space. But that shit doesn't really concern me. +Poor color composition, lousy use of space. But that shit doesn't really concern me. What does? +What does? The color here, see how dark it is? It's interesting. +The color here, see how dark it is? It's interesting. What is? +What is? I think you're one step away from cutting your ear off. +I think you're one step away from cutting your ear off. "Oh, ""Starry Night"" time, huh?" +"Oh, ""Starry Night"" time, huh?" "You ever heard the saying, ""any port in a storm?""" +"You ever heard the saying, ""any port in a storm?""" "Sure, how 'bout ""still waters run deep""--" +"Sure, how 'bout ""still waters run deep""--" --Well, maybe that means you. +--Well, maybe that means you. Maybe what mea-- +Maybe you should be a patient and sit down. Maybe you married the wrong woman. +Maybe you married the wrong woman. Watch your mouth. +Watch your mouth. That's it isn't it? You married the wrong woman. She leave you? Was she bangin' someone else? +If you ever disrespect my wife again...I will end you. Time's up. +So what's with this place? You have a swan fetish? Is this something you'd like to talk about? I was thinking about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. I stayed up half the night thinking about it and then something occured to me and I fell into a deep peaceful sleep and haven't thought about you since. You know what occurred to me? +I was thinking about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. I stayed up half the night thinking about it and then something occured to me and I fell into a deep peaceful sleep and haven't thought about you since. You know what occurred to me? No. +No. You're just a boy. You don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about. +You're just a boy. You don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about. Why thank you. +Why thank you. You've never been out of Boston. +You've never been out of Boston. No. +No. "So if I asked you about art you could give me the skinny on every art book ever written...Michelangelo? You know a lot about him I bet. Life's work, criticisms, political aspirations. But you couldn't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. And if I asked you about women I'm sure you could give me a syllabus of your personal favorites, and maybe you've been laid a few times too. But you couldn't tell me how it feels to wake up next to a woman and be truly happy. If I asked you about war you could refer me to a bevy of fictional and non-fictional material, but you've never been in one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap and watched him draw his last breath, looking to you for help. And if I asked you about love I'd get a sonnet, but you've never looked at a woman and been truly vulnerable. Known that someone could kill you with a look. That someone could rescue you from grief. That God had put an angel on Earth just for you. And you wouldn't know how it felt to be her angel. To have the love be there for her forever. Through anything, through cancer. You wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in a hospital room for two months holding her hand and not leaving because the doctors could see in your eyes that the term ""visiting hours"" didn't apply to you. And you wouldn't know about real loss, because that only occurs when you lose something you love more than yourself, and you've never dared to love anything that much. I look at you and I don't see an intelligent confident man, I don't see a peer, and I don't see my equal. I see a boy. Nobody could possibly understand you, right Will? Yet you presume to know so much about me because of a painting you saw. You must know everything about me. You're an orphan, right?" +"You know, I was on this plane once. And I'm sittin' there and the captain comes on and is like ""we'll be cruising at 35,000 feet,"" and does his thing, then he puts the mike down but forgets to turn it off. Then he says ""man, all I want right now is a blow-job and a cup of coffee."" So the stewardess goes runnin' up towards the cock-pit to tell him the mike's still on, and this guy in the back of the plane goes ""don't forget the coffee!""" You've never been on a plane. +You've never been on a plane. I know, but the joke's better if I tell it in the first person. +Yeah? You got a lady now? Yeah, I went on a date last week. +Yeah, I went on a date last week. How'd it go? +How'd it go? Fine. +Fine. Well, are you going out again? +Well, are you going out again? I don't know. +I don't know. Why not? +Why not? Haven't called her. +Haven't called her. Jesus Christ, you are an amateur. +Jesus Christ, you are an amateur. I know what I'm doing. She's different from the other girls I met. We have a really good time. She's smart, beautiful, fun... +I know what I'm doing. She's different from the other girls I met. We have a really good time. She's smart, beautiful, fun... So Christ, call her up. +So Christ, call her up. Why? So I can realize she's not so smart. That she's boring. You don't get it. Right now she's perfect, I don't want to ruin that. +Why? So I can realize she's not so smart. That she's boring. You don't get it. Right now she's perfect, I don't want to ruin that. And right now you're perfect too. Maybe you don't want to ruin that. +I teach this shit, I didn't say I knew how to do it. You ever think about gettin' remarried? +You ever think about gettin' remarried? My wife's dead. +My wife's dead. Hence, the word remarried. +Hence, the word remarried. My wife's dead. +My wife's dead. Well I think that's a wonderful philosophy, Sean. That way you can go through the rest of your life without having to really know anyone. +Really? How'd the date go? WILL Do you still counsel veterans? I read your book last night. No, I don't. +No, I don't. Why not? +Why not? I gave that up when my wife got sick. +I gave that up when my wife got sick. Is that why you didn't write anything else? +Is that why you didn't write anything else? I didn't write anything else 'cause nobody, including most of my colleagues bothered to read the first one. +I didn't write anything else 'cause nobody, including most of my colleagues bothered to read the first one. Well, I've read you colleagues. Your book was good, Sean. All those guys were in your platoon? +Well, I've read you colleagues. Your book was good, Sean. All those guys were in your platoon? Yeah. +Yeah. What happened to that guy from Kentucky? +What happened to that guy from Kentucky? Lon? He got married. He has a kid. I kind of lost touch with him after Nancy got sick. +Lon? He got married. He has a kid. I kind of lost touch with him after Nancy got sick. Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you never met your wife? +Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you never met your wife? What? Do I wonder if I'd be better off if I never met my wife? +You don't regret meetin' your wife? Why? Because of the pain I feel now? I have regrets Will, but I don't regret a singel day I spent with her. +Why? Because of the pain I feel now? I have regrets Will, but I don't regret a singel day I spent with her. When did you know she was the one? +When did you know she was the one? October 21, 1975. Game six of the World Series. Biggest game in Red Sox history, Me and my friends slept out on the sidewalk all night to get tickets. We were sitting in a bar waiting for the game to start and in walks this girl. What a game that was. Tie game in the bottom of the tenth inning, in steps Carlton Fisk, hit a long fly ball down the left field line. Thirty-five thousand fans on their feet, screamin' at the ball to stay fair. Fisk is runnin' up the baseline, wavin' at the ball like a madman. It hits the foul pole, home run. Thirty-five thousand people went crazy. And I wasn't one of them. +October 21, 1975. Game six of the World Series. Biggest game in Red Sox history, Me and my friends slept out on the sidewalk all night to get tickets. We were sitting in a bar waiting for the game to start and in walks this girl. What a game that was. Tie game in the bottom of the tenth inning, in steps Carlton Fisk, hit a long fly ball down the left field line. Thirty-five thousand fans on their feet, screamin' at the ball to stay fair. Fisk is runnin' up the baseline, wavin' at the ball like a madman. It hits the foul pole, home run. Thirty-five thousand people went crazy. And I wasn't one of them. Where were you? +Where were you? I was havin' a drink with my future wife. +I was havin' a drink with my future wife. You missed Pudge Fisk's homerun to have a drink with a woman you had never met? +You missed Pudge Fisk's homerun to have a drink with a woman you had never met? That's right. +That's right. So wait a minute. The Red Sox haven't won a World Series since nineteen eighteen, you slept out for tickets, games gonna start in twenty minutes, in walks a girl you never seen before, and you give your ticket away? +So wait a minute. The Red Sox haven't won a World Series since nineteen eighteen, you slept out for tickets, games gonna start in twenty minutes, in walks a girl you never seen before, and you give your ticket away? You should have seen this girl. She lit up the room. +You should have seen this girl. She lit up the room. I don't care if Helen of Troy walked into that bar! That's game six of the World Series! +"I just slid my ticket across the table and said ""sorry fellas, I gotta go see about a girl.""" """I gotta go see about a girl""? What did they say?" +"""I gotta go see about a girl""? What did they say?" They could see that I meant it. +They could see that I meant it. You're kiddin' me. +You're kiddin' me. No Will, I'm not kiddin' you. If I had gone to see that game I'd be in here talkin' abouta girl I saw at a bar twenty years ago. And how I always regretted not goin' over there and talkin' to her. I don't regret the eighteen years we were married. I don't regret givin' up couseling for six years when she got sick. I don't regret being by her side for the last two years when things got real bad. And I sure as Hell don't regret missing that damn game. +Would have been nice to catch that game though. Well hell, I didn't know Pudge was gonna hit the home run. +So you might be working for Uncle Sam. I don't know. +I don't know. Gerry says the meeting went well. +Gerry says the meeting went well. I guess. +I guess. What did you think? +What did you think? What did I think? +Do you think you're alone? What? +What? Do you have a soul-mate? +Do you have a soul-mate? Define that. +Define that. Someone who challenges you in every way. Who takes you places, opens things up for you. A soul-mate. +Someone who challenges you in every way. Who takes you places, opens things up for you. A soul-mate. Yeah. +They're all dead. Not to me, they're not. +Not to me, they're not. But you can't give back to them, Will. +But you can't give back to them, Will. Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts, no... +Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts, no... That's what I'm saying, Will. You'll never have that kind of relationship in a world where you're afraid to take the first step because all you're seeing are the negative things that might happen ten miles down the road. +That's what I'm saying, Will. You'll never have that kind of relationship in a world where you're afraid to take the first step because all you're seeing are the negative things that might happen ten miles down the road. Oh, what? You're going to take the professor's side on this? +Oh, what? You're going to take the professor's side on this? Don't give me you line of shit. +Don't give me you line of shit. I didn't want the job. +I didn't want the job. It's not about that job. I'm not saying you should work for the government. But, you could do anything you want. And there are people who work their whole lives layin' brick so their kids have a chance at the kind of opportunity you have. What do you want to do? +It's not about that job. I'm not saying you should work for the government. But, you could do anything you want. And there are people who work their whole lives layin' brick so their kids have a chance at the kind of opportunity you have. What do you want to do? I didn't ask for this. +I didn't ask for this. Nobody gets what they ask for, Will. That's a cop-out. +Nobody gets what they ask for, Will. That's a cop-out. Why is it a cop-out? I don't see anythin' wrong with layin' brick, that's somebody's home I'm buildin'. Or fixin' somebody's car, somebody's gonna get to work the next day 'cause of me. There's honor in that. +Why is it a cop-out? I don't see anythin' wrong with layin' brick, that's somebody's home I'm buildin'. Or fixin' somebody's car, somebody's gonna get to work the next day 'cause of me. There's honor in that. You're right, Will. Any man who takes a forty minute train ride so those college kids can come in in the morning and their floors will be clean and their trash cans will be empty is an honorable man. +What? If you won't answer my questions, you're wasting my time. +If you won't answer my questions, you're wasting my time. What? +I been there. I played my hand. That's right. And you fuckin' lost! And some people would have the sack to lose a big hand like that and still come back and ante up again! +That's right. And you fuckin' lost! And some people would have the sack to lose a big hand like that and still come back and ante up again! Look at me. What do you want to do? +Well, I'm here. So, is that my problem? I'm afraid of being abandoned? That was easy. Look, a lot of that stuff goes back a long way. And it's between me and him and it has nothing to do with you. +Look, a lot of that stuff goes back a long way. And it's between me and him and it has nothing to do with you. Do you want to talk about it? +Oh, this is your file. I have to send it back to the Judge with my evaluation. You're not going to fail me are you? +You want to read it? No. Have you had any experience with that? +No. Have you had any experience with that? Twenty years of counselling you see a lot of-- +Twenty years of counselling you see a lot of-- --No, have you had any experience with that? +--No, have you had any experience with that? Yes. +Yes. It sure ain't good. +Gotta go with the belt there... I used to go with the wrench. +I used to go with the wrench. The wrench, why? +The wrench, why? Cause fuck him, that's why. +Oh, I know. It's not your fault. +It's not your fault. I know. +I know. It's not your fault. +It's not your fault. I know. +I know. It's not your fault. +It's not your fault. I know. +I know. It's not your fault. +It's not your fault. Don't fuck with me. +Don't fuck with me. It's not your fault. +It's not your fault. I know. +I know. It's not... +It's not... I know, I know... +Which one did you take, Will? Over at Tri-tech. One of the jobs Professor Lambeau set me up with. I haven't told him yet, but I talked to my new boss over there and he seemed like a nice guy. +Over at Tri-tech. One of the jobs Professor Lambeau set me up with. I haven't told him yet, but I talked to my new boss over there and he seemed like a nice guy. That's what you want? +That's what you want? Yeah, I think so. +Yeah, I think so. Good for you. Congratulations. +Good for you. Congratulations. Thanks you. So, that's it? We're done? +Thanks you. So, that's it? We're done? We're done. You did your time. You're a free man. +I just want you to know, Sean... You're Welcome, Will. +You're Welcome, Will. I'll keep in touch. +I'll keep in touch. I'm gonna travel a little bit, so I don't know where I'll be. +No. Thank you. Does this violate the patient/doctor relationship? +Does this violate the patient/doctor relationship? Only if you grab my ass. +See ya. Good luck. +You suck. What? +What? I've been sitting over there for forty- five minutes waiting for you to come talk to me. But I'm just tired now and I have to go home and I wasn't going to keep sitting there waiting for you. +I've been sitting over there for forty- five minutes waiting for you to come talk to me. But I'm just tired now and I have to go home and I wasn't going to keep sitting there waiting for you. I'm Will. +I'm Will. Skylar. And by the way. That guy over there is a real dick and I just wanted you to know he didn't come with us. +Skylar. And by the way. That guy over there is a real dick and I just wanted you to know he didn't come with us. I kind of got that impression. +I kind of got that impression. Well, look, I have to go. Gotta' get up early and waste some more money on my overpriced education. +Well, look, I have to go. Gotta' get up early and waste some more money on my overpriced education. I didn't mean you. Listen, maybe... +I didn't mean you. Listen, maybe... Here's my number. +Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels. What? +What? When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee. +When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee. Okay, sounds good. +Five minutes. What? +What? I was trying to be smooth. But at twelve-fifteen I was gonna come over there and talk to you. +I was trying to be smooth. But at twelve-fifteen I was gonna come over there and talk to you. See, it's my life story. Five more minutes and I would have got to hear your best pick-up line. +See, it's my life story. Five more minutes and I would have got to hear your best pick-up line. The caramel thing is my pick-up line. +Yeah? It's Will, the really funny good looking guy you met at the bar? +It's Will, the really funny good looking guy you met at the bar? I'm sorry, I don't recall meeting anyone who fits that description. +I'm sorry, I don't recall meeting anyone who fits that description. Okay, you got me. It's the ugly, obnoxious, toothless loser who got drunk and wouldn't leave you alone all night. +Okay, you got me. It's the ugly, obnoxious, toothless loser who got drunk and wouldn't leave you alone all night. Oh Will! I was wondering when you'd call. +Oh Will! I was wondering when you'd call. Yeah, I figured maybe sometime this week we could go to a cafe and have some caramels. +Yeah, I figured maybe sometime this week we could go to a cafe and have some caramels. Sounds good, where are you now? +Sounds good, where are you now? You aren't, by any chance, Pre-law? Are you? +I don't know, it was just kind of the boring suburban thing. Private school, Harvard, and now Med. School. I actually figured out that at the end of it, my brain will be worth a quarter of a million dollars. I shouldn't have told you that... I bet your parents were happy to pay. +I bet your parents were happy to pay. I was happy to pay. I inherited the money. +I was happy to pay. I inherited the money. Is Harvard gettin' all that money? +Is Harvard gettin' all that money? Stanford. I'm leaving in June after I graduate. +Stanford. I'm leaving in June after I graduate. So you just want to use me and go? +So you just want to use me and go? Well, I'm gonna experiment on you for my anatomy class, then go. +Well, I'm gonna experiment on you for my anatomy class, then go. In that case, fine. Want to see my magic trick? +In that case, fine. Want to see my magic trick? Sure. +Now, I'm gonna make all these caramels disappear. Okay... +Have you ever seen Annie Hall? No. +No. Well, there's this part of the movie that's about how there's always this tension on a first date where both people are thinking about what's going to happen with the whole 'good night kiss' thing. +I really don't 'date' that much. You know what I mean. I know you've at least thought about it. +You know what I mean. I know you've at least thought about it. No I haven't... +No I haven't... Yes you have. You were thinking you were gonna get a good night kiss. +Yes you have. You were thinking you were gonna get a good night kiss. No I wasn't... +No I wasn't... Yes you were. +Yes you were. "I was kinda' hopin' to get a ""good night laid"" but...I'll take a kiss." +Oh, you will? No...I was hoping to get a kiss. +No...I was hoping to get a kiss. Then why don't we just get it out of the way. +Free? Hey, I spent all my money on those caramels. +You grew up around here? Not far from here, South Boston. +Not far from here, South Boston. How was that? +How was that? Pretty boring, I guess. +I bet you have a great family. You know, nothing special. +You know, nothing special. You have a lot of brothers and sisters? +You have a lot of brothers and sisters? Do I have a lot of brothers and sisters? +Do I have a lot of brothers and sisters? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, Irish Catholic. What do you think? +Well, Irish Catholic. What do you think? How many? +How many? You wouldn't believe me if I told you. +You wouldn't believe me if I told you. What, five? +I have twelve big brothers. Not a chance. +Not a chance. Yup, you're lookin' at lucky thirteen. +Yup, you're lookin' at lucky thirteen. Bullshit. +Bullshit. I swear to God. +I swear to God. Your house must have been a zoo. +Your house must have been a zoo. It was great. There was always someone to play with, give you advice. +It was great. There was always someone to play with, give you advice. Do you know all their names? +Do you know all their names? 'Course I do, they're my brothers. +'Course I do, they're my brothers. Well... +Well... Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian. +Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian. Do you keep in touch with them? +Do you keep in touch with them? All the time. We all live in Southie. I live with three of them now. +I want to meet them. We'll do that. +Where have you been? I'm sorry, I been real busy. +I'm sorry, I been real busy. You were busy? You know, I really was waiting for you to call me. +You were busy? You know, I really was waiting for you to call me. Sorry. I'm sorry. Give me another crack at it. Let me take you out. +Sorry. I'm sorry. Give me another crack at it. Let me take you out. "You should have called. I have an ""O- chem"" lab due tomorrow and it's impossible. It's not an excuse dummy. I want to go out with you. But look:" +Promise? If you bring the caramels. +I couldn't wait till tomorrow. How the hell did you do that? +How the hell did you do that? Didn't your mother ever tell you not to look a gift horse n the mouth? +Didn't your mother ever tell you not to look a gift horse n the mouth? I'm supposed to understand this. +I'm supposed to understand this. You're not going into surgery tomorrow are you? +You're not going into surgery tomorrow are you? No. +No. Then let's go have some fun. +Why do we always stay here? 'Cause it's nicer than my place. +'Cause it's nicer than my place. I've never seen your place. +I've never seen your place. Exactly. +Exactly. What about your friends? Or your brothers? When do I get to meet them? +What about your friends? Or your brothers? When do I get to meet them? They don't come over here that much. +They don't come over here that much. I think I can make it to South Boston. +I think I can make it to South Boston. Aah, it's kind of a hike. +Aah, it's kind of a hike. Is it me you're hiding from them or the other way around? +Is it me you're hiding from them or the other way around? All right, all right. We'll go. +All right, all right. We'll go. When? +When? Sometime. I don't know. Next week. +Sometime. I don't know. Next week. What if I said I wouldn't sleep with you again until you let me meet your friends? +What if I said I wouldn't sleep with you again until you let me meet your friends? I'd say... It's only four in the mornin', they're prob'ly up. +You men are shameful. If you're not thinking of your weiner then you're acting on its behalf. Then on behalf of my weiner, I'd like to ask for an advance. +I thought you said you'd show me your place. Not tonight. +How's it goin'? Fine. +Fine. Want me to take a look? +Want me to take a look? No. +No. C'mon, give me a peek and we'll go to the battin' cages. +C'mon, give me a peek and we'll go to the battin' cages. It's important that I learn this. +It's important that I learn this. Why is it important to you? If I inherited all that money, the only thing important to me would be workin' on my swing. +Why is it important to you? If I inherited all that money, the only thing important to me would be workin' on my swing. Clearly. +Clearly. You're rich. What do you have to worry about? +You're rich. What do you have to worry about? Rich? I have an inheritance. It's two handred and fifty thousand dollars. That's exactly what it'll cost me, minus about five hundred bucks, to go all the way through med school. This is what I'm doing with that money. I could have done anything I wanted. I could have expanded my wardrobe, substantially. +Rich? I have an inheritance. It's two handred and fifty thousand dollars. That's exactly what it'll cost me, minus about five hundred bucks, to go all the way through med school. This is what I'm doing with that money. I could have done anything I wanted. I could have expanded my wardrobe, substantially. Instead you're going to bust your ass for five years so you can be broke? SKYLAR No, so I can be a doctor. +All right, Mr. Nosey Parker. Let me ask you a question? Do you have a photographic memory? I guess. I don't know. How do you remember your phone number? +I guess. I don't know. How do you remember your phone number? Have you ever studied Organic Chemistry? +Have you ever studied Organic Chemistry? Some, a little. +Some, a little. Just for fun? +Just for fun? I guess so. +I guess so. "Nobody does organic chemistry for ""fun."" It's unnecessary. Especially for someone like you." +"Nobody does organic chemistry for ""fun."" It's unnecessary. Especially for someone like you." Like me? +Like me? Yeah. Someone like you who divides his time, fairly evenly, between the batting cages and bars. +Do you play the piano? Come one Will. I just want to know. +Come one Will. I just want to know. I'm trying to explain it to you. So you play the piano. When you look at the keys, you see music, you see Mozart. +I'm trying to explain it to you. So you play the piano. When you look at the keys, you see music, you see Mozart. "I see ""Hot Cross Buns,"" but okay." +"I see ""Hot Cross Buns,"" but okay." Well all right, Beethoven. He looked at a piano and saw music. The fuckin' guy was deaf when he composed the Ode to Joy. They had to turn him around to take a bow because he couldn't hear the crowd going crazy behind him. Stone deaf. He saw all of that music in his head. +Well all right, Beethoven. He looked at a piano and saw music. The fuckin' guy was deaf when he composed the Ode to Joy. They had to turn him around to take a bow because he couldn't hear the crowd going crazy behind him. Stone deaf. He saw all of that music in his head. So, do you play the piano? +So, do you play the piano? Not a lick. I look at a piano and I see black and white keys, three pedals and a box of wood. Beethoven, Mozart, they looked at it and it just made sense to them. They saw a piano and they could play. I couldn't paint you a picture, I probably can't hit the ball out of Fenway Park and I can't play the piano-- +Not a lick. I look at a piano and I see black and white keys, three pedals and a box of wood. Beethoven, Mozart, they looked at it and it just made sense to them. They saw a piano and they could play. I couldn't paint you a picture, I probably can't hit the ball out of Fenway Park and I can't play the piano-- --But you can do my O-chem lab in under an hour, you can-- +--But you can do my O-chem lab in under an hour, you can-- --When it came to stuff like that I could always just play. +Will? Are you awake? No. +No. Come with me to California. +Come with me to California. What? +What? I want you to come with me. +I want you to come with me. How do you know that? +How do you know that? I know. I just do. +I know. I just do. Yeah, but how do you know? +Yeah, but how do you know? I don't know. I just feel it. +I don't know. I just feel it. And you're sure about that? +And you're sure about that? Yeah, I'm sure. +Yeah, I'm sure. "'Cause that's a serious thing you're sayin'. I mean, we might be in California next week and you could find out somethin' about me that you don't like. And you might feel like ""hey this is a big mistake."" But you can't take it back, 'cause you know it's real serious and you can't take somethin' like that back. Now I'm in California, 'cause you asked me to come. But you don't really want me there. And I'm stuck in California with someone who really doesn't want me there and just wishes they had a take-back." +"'Cause that's a serious thing you're sayin'. I mean, we might be in California next week and you could find out somethin' about me that you don't like. And you might feel like ""hey this is a big mistake."" But you can't take it back, 'cause you know it's real serious and you can't take somethin' like that back. Now I'm in California, 'cause you asked me to come. But you don't really want me there. And I'm stuck in California with someone who really doesn't want me there and just wishes they had a take-back." """Take-back?"" What is that? I don't want a take-back. I want you to come to California with me." +"""Take-back?"" What is that? I don't want a take-back. I want you to come to California with me." I can't go out to California. +I can't go out to California. Why not? +Why not? One, because I have a job here and two because I live here-- +One, because I have a job here and two because I live here-- Look, Will if you're not in love with me, you can say that. +Look, Will if you're not in love with me, you can say that. I'm not sayin' I'm not in love with you. +I'm not sayin' I'm not in love with you. Then what are you afraid of? +Then what are you afraid of? "What do you mean ""What am I afraid of?""" +"What do you mean ""What am I afraid of?""" Why won't you come with me? What are you so scared of? +Why won't you come with me? What are you so scared of? What am I scared of? +What am I scared of? Well, what aren't you scared of? You live in your safe little world where nobody challenges you and you're scared shitless to do anything else-- +Well, what aren't you scared of? You live in your safe little world where nobody challenges you and you're scared shitless to do anything else-- --Don't tell me about my world. You're the one that's afraid. You just want to have your little fling with the guy from the other side of town and marry-- +--Don't tell me about my world. You're the one that's afraid. You just want to have your little fling with the guy from the other side of town and marry-- Is that what you think-- +Is that what you think-- --some prick from Stanford that your parents will approve of. Then you'll sit around with the rest of the upper crust kids and talk about how you went slummin' too. +--some prick from Stanford that your parents will approve of. Then you'll sit around with the rest of the upper crust kids and talk about how you went slummin' too. I inherited that money when I was thirteen, when my father died. +I inherited that money when I was thirteen, when my father died. At least you have a mother. +At least you have a mother. Fuck you! You think I want this? That money's a burden to me. Every day I wake up and I wish I could give that back. I'd give everything I have back to spend one more day with my father. But that's life. And I deal with it. So don't put that shit on me. You're the one that's afraid. +Fuck you! You think I want this? That money's a burden to me. Every day I wake up and I wish I could give that back. I'd give everything I have back to spend one more day with my father. But that's life. And I deal with it. So don't put that shit on me. You're the one that's afraid. What the fuck am I afraid of?! +What the fuck am I afraid of?! You're afraid of me. You're afraid that I won't love you back. And guess what? I'm afraid too. But at least I have the balls to it give it a shot. At least I'm honest with you. +You're afraid of me. You're afraid that I won't love you back. And guess what? I'm afraid too. But at least I have the balls to it give it a shot. At least I'm honest with you. I'm not honest? +I'm not honest? What about your twelve brothers? +What about your twelve brothers? Oh, is that what this is about? You want to hear that I don't really have any brothers? That I'm a fuckin' orphan? Is that what you want to hear? +Oh, is that what this is about? You want to hear that I don't really have any brothers? That I'm a fuckin' orphan? Is that what you want to hear? Yes, Will. I didn't even know that? +Yes, Will. I didn't even know that? No, you don't want to hear that. +No, you don't want to hear that. Yes, I do, Will. +Yes, I do, Will. You don't want to hear that I got cigarettes put out on me when I was a little kid. That this isn't surgery +Yes I do. Did you ever think that maybe I could help you? That maybe that's the point, that we're a team? "What, you want to come in here and save me? Is that what you want to do? Do I have a sign that says ""save me"" on my back?" +"What, you want to come in here and save me? Is that what you want to do? Do I have a sign that says ""save me"" on my back?" "I don't want to ""save"" you. I just want to be with you. I love you. I love you!" +Don't bullshit me! Don't fuckin' bullshit me! You know what I want to hear? I want to hear that you don't love me. If you tell me that, then I'll leave you alone. I won't ask any questions and I won't be in your life. +I just wanted to call before you left. I'm takin' all these job interviews. So I won't just be a construction worker. I never cared about that. +Yeah. I love you, Will. No take-backs. +Take care. Goodbye. +You doin' the hirin'? Well, I'm contracting the land. +All right, mister. I'll go. You just show your license to contrack, an' then you make out a order--where an' when an' how much you gonna pay--an' you sign it an' we'll go. You trying to tell me how to run my own business? +You trying to tell me how to run my own business? 'F we're workin' for you, it's our business too. An' how do we know-- --you ain't one a the guys that sent these things out? +'F we're workin' for you, it's our business too. An' how do we know-- --you ain't one a the guys that sent these things out? Listen, Smart Guy. I'll run my business my own way. I got work. If you wanta take it, okay. If not, just sit here, that's all. +Twicet now I've fell for that line. Maybe he needs a thousan' men. So he get's five thousan' there, an' he'll pay fifteen cents a hour. An' you guys'll have to take it 'cause you'll be hungry. 'F he wants to hire men, let him write it out an' say what he's gonna pay. Ast to see his license. He ain't allowed by law to contrack men without a license. Joe! +She'll prob'ly ride like a bull calf-- but she'll ride! Reckon we better begin roustin' 'em out if we aim to get outa here by daylight. How about it, John? How you boys comin'? +Will ya look at her! I never knowed they was anything like her! +Leave him alone, Ma--Al's just billy- goatin' around-- Sure! I was just aimin' to meet up with a couple girls I know. +Ready, Pa? Let 'er go, Gallagher! +Twenty days work, oh boy! Be glad to get my han' on some cotton. That's the kin' a pickin' I understan'. +Go on. Get in your tent. You don't know nothin'. How 'bout you? +How 'bout you? *Some*body got to take the blame. They just *got* to hang it on somebody, you know. An' I ain't doin' nothin' but set around. +*Some*body got to take the blame. They just *got* to hang it on somebody, you know. An' I ain't doin' nothin' but set around. But ain't no reason-- +But ain't no reason-- Lissen. I don't care nothin' about you, but if you mess in this, your whole fambly li'ble to get in trouble, an' Tom get sent back to the penitentiary. +Lissen. I don't care nothin' about you, but if you mess in this, your whole fambly li'ble to get in trouble, an' Tom get sent back to the penitentiary. Okay. I think you're a darn fool, though. +Okay. I think you're a darn fool, though. Sure. Why not? +Ain't you gonna look back, Ma?--give the ol' place a last look? We're goin' to California, ain't we? Awright then, let's *go* to California. +We're goin' to California, ain't we? Awright then, let's *go* to California. That don't sound like you, Ma. You never was like that before. +That don't sound like you, Ma. You never was like that before. I never had my house pushed over before. I never had my fambly stuck out on the road. I never had to lose... ever'thing I had in life. +I'd come back-- But ef you *do* whup me, I swear you better not ever go to sleep again, because the minute you go to sleep, or you're settin' down, or your back's turned, I'm gonna knock you belly-up with a bucket. +But it ain't runnin' away, Ma. All I wanta do is go away with another fella an' look aroun' for work by ourself-- Well, you ain't a-goin'! Ain't *nobody* else a-goin'! We *got* here an' we gonna *stay* here, together! As long as we got the fambly unbroke I ain't scared, but it's a long bitter road we got ahead of us-- --an' I'm here to tell ya ef anybody else tries to bust us up anymore I'm a-goin' cat wild with this here piece a bar-arn! +Ready, Ma? I'll get Rosasharn. +Maybe. Maybe twenny days work, maybe *no* days work. We ain't got it till we get it. Whatsa matter, Ma? Gettin' scared? +Whatsa matter, Ma? Gettin' scared? No. Ain't ever gonna be scared no more. I was, though. For a while I thought we was beat--*good* an' beat. Looked like we didn't have nothin' in the worl' but enemies--wasn't *no*body frien'ly anymore. It made me feel bad an' scared too--like we was lost... an' nobody cared. +No. Ain't ever gonna be scared no more. I was, though. For a while I thought we was beat--*good* an' beat. Looked like we didn't have nothin' in the worl' but enemies--wasn't *no*body frien'ly anymore. It made me feel bad an' scared too--like we was lost... an' nobody cared. Watch me pass that Chevvy. +Woman can change better'n a man. Man lives in jerks--baby born, or somebody dies, that's a jerk--gets a farm, or loses one, an' that's a jerk. With a woman it's all one flow, like a stream, little eddies, little waterfalls, but the river it goes right on. Woman looks at it like that. Look at that ol' coffeepot steam! +Well, you said anybody can waltz... How'm *I* doin'? Don't hold me so tight. +Don't hold me so tight. Why, I ain't hardly touchin' you! +Why, I ain't hardly touchin' you! You're *ticklin' me!* +You're *ticklin' me!* That comes from not holdin' you tight *enough.* +That comes from not holdin' you tight *enough.* Now I can't breathe. +You bust outa jail, Tom? Naw. They paroled me. +Naw. They paroled me. Oh. +What a place! How'd you like to walk acrost her? People done it. If they could, we could. +People done it. If they could, we could. Lots must a died, too. +Lots must a died, too. Well, we ain't out a it yet. +Tom? You can come on. They gone. We got to get outa here right away. Ever'body here? Where's Uncle John? +Maybe the road's out. I don't know what these cops got to do with it but I don't like it. An' these here are our own people, all of 'em. I don't like this. +Think I'll look aroun' an' see if I can't meet me a girl. Thing's been workin' on me, what they was yellin' about. Got me all curious. +She's hotter'n a heifer. Fan-belt's shot. +Any gas? Gallon or two? +Gallon or two? Well, looks like we done it this time awright! +Looks like about a mile. Reckon she'll make it? She got to make it. +You mean that hitch-hiker? Little short fella with a pale face? I guess that's what he looked like. +I guess that's what he looked like. We just picked him up on the way in. He went away this mornin' when the rate dropped. +We just picked him up on the way in. He went away this mornin' when the rate dropped. What'd he look like again? +What'd he look like again? Short fella. Pale face. +Short fella. Pale face. Was he bruised up this mornin'? About the face? +Was he bruised up this mornin'? About the face? I didn't see nothin'. +I didn't see nothin'. Okay. Go on. +Kinda pie y'got? Banana cream, pineapple cream, chocolate cream--and apple. +Banana cream, pineapple cream, chocolate cream--and apple. Cut me off a hunk a that banana cream, and a cuppa java. +Them wasn't two-for-a-cent candy. What's it to you? +What's it to you? Them was nickel apiece candy. +So long. Hey, wait a minute. You got change comin'. +Want to work? Sure, but what is this? +Sure, but what is this? That's not your affair. Name. +That's not your affair. Name. Joad. +Joad. How many men? +How many men? Four. +Four. Women? +Women? Two. +Two. Kids? +Kids? Two. +Two. Can all of you work? +Can all of you work? Why, I guess so. +Why, I guess so. Okay. House 63. Wages 5 cents a box. No bruised fruit. Move along and go to work right away. +House 25. Number's on the door. Okay, mister. Whatcha payin'? +Okay, mister. Whatcha payin'? Two and a half cents. +Two and a half cents. Two an' a half! Say, mister, a man can't make his dinner on that. +Two an' a half! Say, mister, a man can't make his dinner on that. Take it or leave it. There's 200 men coming from the South that'll be glad to get it. +Take it or leave it. There's 200 men coming from the South that'll be glad to get it. But--but how we gonna eat? +But--but how we gonna eat? Look, I didn't set the price. I'm just working here. If you want it, take it. If you don't, turn right around and beat it. +Look, I didn't set the price. I'm just working here. If you want it, take it. If you don't, turn right around and beat it. Which way is House 25? +Open up! We hear you got a riot. Riot? I don't see no riot. Who're you? +Riot? I don't see no riot. Who're you? Deputy sheriffs. +Deputy sheriffs. Got a warrant? +Got a warrant? We don't need a warrant if it's a riot. +We don't need a warrant if it's a riot. Well, I don't know what you gonna do about it, because I don't hear no riot an' I don't see no riot, an' what's more I don't believe they *is* no riot. Look for yourself. +I don't mean to be nosy, y'understand. I just got to have certain information. What's your name? Joad. Tom Joad. +Joad. Tom Joad. How many of you? +Camp site costs a dollar a week, but you can work it out, carrying garbage, keeping the camp clean--stuff like that. We'll work it out. What's this committee you talkin' about? +We'll work it out. What's this committee you talkin' about? We got five sanitary units. Each one elects a central committee man. They make the laws, an' what they say goes. +We got five sanitary units. Each one elects a central committee man. They make the laws, an' what they say goes. Are you aimin' to tell me that the fellas that run this camp is jus' fellas--campin' here? +Are you aimin' to tell me that the fellas that run this camp is jus' fellas--campin' here? That's the way it is. +That's the way it is. An' you say no cops? +An' you say no cops? No cop can come in here without a warrant. +No cop can come in here without a warrant. I can't hardly believe it. Camp I was in once, they burned it out--the deputies an' some of them poolroom fellas. +I can't hardly believe it. Camp I was in once, they burned it out--the deputies an' some of them poolroom fellas. They don't get in here. Sometimes the boys patrol the fences, especially dance nights. +They don't get in here. Sometimes the boys patrol the fences, especially dance nights. You got dances too? +You got dances too? We got the best dances in the county every Saturday night. +We got the best dances in the county every Saturday night. Say, who runs this place? +Say, who runs this place? Government. +Government. Why ain't they more like it? +Why ain't they more like it? *You* find out, I can't. +*You* find out, I can't. Anything like work aroun' here? +Anything like work aroun' here? Can't promise you that, but there'll be a licensed agent here tomorrow mornin', if you want to talk to him. +Can't promise you that, but there'll be a licensed agent here tomorrow mornin', if you want to talk to him. Ma's shore gonna like it here. She ain't been treated decent for a long time. +Ma's shore gonna like it here. She ain't been treated decent for a long time. That cut you got? +That cut you got? Crate fell on me. +Crate fell on me. Better take care of it. Store manager'll give you some stuff for it in the morning. Goodnight. +Better take care of it. Store manager'll give you some stuff for it in the morning. Goodnight. Goodnight. +Say, ain't you young Tom Joad--ol' Tom's boy? Yeah. On my way home now. +Yeah. On my way home now. Well, I do declare! I baptized you, son. +Well, I do declare! I baptized you, son. Why, you're the preacher! +Why, you're the preacher! *Used* to be. Not no more. I lost the call. But boy, I sure *used* to have it! I'd get an irrigation ditch so squirmin' full of repented sinners I pretty near *drowned* half of 'em! But not no more. I lost the sperit. +*Used* to be. Not no more. I lost the call. But boy, I sure *used* to have it! I'd get an irrigation ditch so squirmin' full of repented sinners I pretty near *drowned* half of 'em! But not no more. I lost the sperit. Pa always said you was never cut out to be a preacher. +Pa always said you was never cut out to be a preacher. I got nothin' to preach about no more--that's all. I ain't so sure o' things. +I got nothin' to preach about no more--that's all. I ain't so sure o' things. Maybe you should a got yourself a wife. +Maybe you should a got yourself a wife. At my meetin's I used to get the girls glory-shoutin' till they about passed out. Then, I'd go to comfort 'em--and always end up by lovin' 'em. I'd feel bad, an' pray, an' pray, but it didn't do no good. Next time, do it again. I figgered there just wasn't no hope for me. +At my meetin's I used to get the girls glory-shoutin' till they about passed out. Then, I'd go to comfort 'em--and always end up by lovin' 'em. I'd feel bad, an' pray, an' pray, but it didn't do no good. Next time, do it again. I figgered there just wasn't no hope for me. I never let one go by me when I could catch her. +I never let one go by me when I could catch her. But you wasn't a preacher. A girl was just a girl to you. But to me they was holy vessels. I was savin' their souls. I ast myself--what *is* this call, the Holy Sperit? Maybe *that's* love. Why, I love everybody so much I'm fit to bust sometimes! So maybe there ain't no sin an' there ain't no virtue. There's just what people do. Some things folks do is nice, and some ain't so nice. But that's as far as any man's got a right to say. +But you wasn't a preacher. A girl was just a girl to you. But to me they was holy vessels. I was savin' their souls. I ast myself--what *is* this call, the Holy Sperit? Maybe *that's* love. Why, I love everybody so much I'm fit to bust sometimes! So maybe there ain't no sin an' there ain't no virtue. There's just what people do. Some things folks do is nice, and some ain't so nice. But that's as far as any man's got a right to say. Have a little snort? +Have a little snort? Course I'll say grace if somebody sets out the food-- --but my heart ain't in it. Nice drinkin' liquor. +Course I'll say grace if somebody sets out the food-- --but my heart ain't in it. Nice drinkin' liquor. Ought to be. That's fact'ry liquor. Cost me a buck. +Ought to be. That's fact'ry liquor. Cost me a buck. Been out travelin' around? +Been out travelin' around? Didn't you hear? It was in the papers. +Didn't you hear? It was in the papers. No, I never. What? +No, I never. What? I been in the penitentiary for four years. +I been in the penitentiary for four years. Excuse me for asking. +Excuse me for asking. I don't mind any more. I'd do what I done again. I killed a guy at a dance. We was drunk. He got a knife in me and I laid him out with a shovel. Knocked his head plumb to squash. +I don't mind any more. I'd do what I done again. I killed a guy at a dance. We was drunk. He got a knife in me and I laid him out with a shovel. Knocked his head plumb to squash. And you ain't ashamed? +And you ain't ashamed? He had a knife in me. That's why they only gave me seven years. Got out in four--parole. +He had a knife in me. That's why they only gave me seven years. Got out in four--parole. Ain't you seen your folks since then? +Ain't you seen your folks since then? No, but I aim to before sundown. Gettin' kind of excited about it, too. Which way you going? +No, but I aim to before sundown. Gettin' kind of excited about it, too. Which way you going? It don't matter. Ever since I lost the sperit it looks like I just as soon go one way as the other. I'll go your way. +Maybe Ma'll have pork for supper. I ain't had pork but four times in four years--every Christmas. I'll be glad to see you pa. Last time I seen him was at a baptizin', an' he had one a the bigges' doses of the Holy Sperit I ever seen. He go to jumpin' over bushes, howlin' like a dog-wolf in moon-time. Fin'ly he picks hisself out a bush big as a piana an' he let out a squawk an' took a run at that bush. Well, sir, he cleared her but he bust his leg snap in two. They was a travellin' dentist there and he set her, an' I give her a prayin' over, but they wasn't no more Holy Sperit in your pa after that. +I'll be glad to see you pa. Last time I seen him was at a baptizin', an' he had one a the bigges' doses of the Holy Sperit I ever seen. He go to jumpin' over bushes, howlin' like a dog-wolf in moon-time. Fin'ly he picks hisself out a bush big as a piana an' he let out a squawk an' took a run at that bush. Well, sir, he cleared her but he bust his leg snap in two. They was a travellin' dentist there and he set her, an' I give her a prayin' over, but they wasn't no more Holy Sperit in your pa after that. Lissen. This wind's fixin't to *do* somepin'! +Lissen. This wind's fixin't to *do* somepin'! Shore it is. It always is, this time a year. +Is it fur? Just around that next bend. +Your granma was a great one, too. The third time she got religion she go it so powerful she knocked down a full-growed deacon with her fist. That's our place. +They're all gone--or dead. They never wrote you nothing? +They never wrote you nothing? No. They wasn't people to write. +This used to be mine. I give it to Grampa when I went away. You reckon they could be dead? I never heard nothin' about it. +This is Muley Graves. You remember the preacher, don't you? I ain't no preacher anymore. +I ain't no preacher anymore. All right, you remember the *man* then. +She's settlin'. What you figger to do? +What you figger to do? It's hard to say. Stay here till mornin' an' then go on over to Uncle John's, I reckon. After that I don't know. +Think she'll hold? If she does it'll be a miracle outa Scripture. +I ain't no more a preacher, you know. We know. But ain't none of our folks ever been buried without a few words. +We know. But ain't none of our folks ever been buried without a few words. "I'll say 'em--an' make it short. This here ol' man jus' lived a life an' jus' died out of it. I don't know whether he was good or bad, an' it don't matter much. Heard a fella say a poem once, an' he says, ""All that lives is holy."" But I wouldn't pray for jus' a ol' man that's dead, because he's awright. If I was to pray I'd pray for the folks that's alive an' don't know which way to turn. Grampa here, he ain't got no more trouble like that. He's got his job all cut out for 'im--so cover 'im up and let 'im get to it." +How about us? Is that the truth for us? I don't know. +Gimme that gun. Now git outa here. Go down in them willows an' wait. I ain't gonna run. +I ain't gonna run. He seen you, Tom! You wanta be fingerprinted? You wanta get sent back for breakin' parole? +He seen you, Tom! You wanta be fingerprinted? You wanta get sent back for breakin' parole? You're right! +You're right! Hide in the willows. If it's awright to come back I'll give you four high whistles. +What's the matter? Casy! What you doin' here? +Casy! What you doin' here? Well, if it ain't Tom Joad. How ya, boy? +Well, if it ain't Tom Joad. How ya, boy? Thought you was in jail. +Thought you was in jail. No, I done my time an' got out. Come on in. +Lookie, Tom. We come to work here. They tell us it's gonna be fi' cents. But they was a whole lot of us, so the man says two an' a half cents. Well, a fella can't even eat on that, an' if he got kids... So we says we won't take it. So they druv us off. Now they're payin' you five--but when they bust this strike ya think they'll pay five? I dunno. Payin' five now. +I dunno. Payin' five now. I don't expeck we can las' much longer-- some a the folks ain't et for two days. You goin' back tonight? +I don't expeck we can las' much longer-- some a the folks ain't et for two days. You goin' back tonight? I aim to. +I aim to. Well--tell the folks inside how it is, Tom. Tell 'em they're starvin' us and stabbin' theirself in the back. An' as sure as God made little apples it's goin' back to two an' a half jus' as soon as they clear us out. +I'll tell 'em. But I don't know how. Never seen so many guys with guns. Wouldn't even let us talk today. Try an' tell 'em, Tom. They'll get two an' a half, jus' the minute we're gone. An' you know what that is? That's one ton a peaches picked an' carried for a dollar. That way you can't even buy food enough to keep you alive! Tell 'em to come out with us, Tom! Them peaches is *ripe*. Two days out an' they'll pay *all* of us five! +Try an' tell 'em, Tom. They'll get two an' a half, jus' the minute we're gone. An' you know what that is? That's one ton a peaches picked an' carried for a dollar. That way you can't even buy food enough to keep you alive! Tell 'em to come out with us, Tom! Them peaches is *ripe*. Two days out an' they'll pay *all* of us five! They won't. They're a-gettin' five an' they don't care about nothin' else. +They won't. They're a-gettin' five an' they don't care about nothin' else. But jus' the minute they ain't strike- breakin' they won't get no five! +I guess that's right. Have to take a beatin' before he'll know. We was outa food. Tonight we had meat. Not much, but we had it. Think Pa's gonna give up his meat on account a other fellas? An' Rosasharn needs milk. Think Ma's gonna starve that baby jus' cause a bunch a fellas is yellin' outside a gate? +We was outa food. Tonight we had meat. Not much, but we had it. Think Pa's gonna give up his meat on account a other fellas? An' Rosasharn needs milk. Think Ma's gonna starve that baby jus' cause a bunch a fellas is yellin' outside a gate? Got to learn, like I'm a-learnin'. Don't know it right yet myself, but I'm tryin' to fin' out. That's why I can't ever be a preacher again. Preacher got to *know*. I don't. I got to *ask*. +Can't tell if you hear it or not. You hear it, Tom? I hear it. I think they's some guys comin' this way, lots of 'em. We better get outa here. +Seems like we wasn't never gonna do nothin' but move. I'm so tar'd. Women is always tar'd. +Women is always tar'd. You ain't--you ain't sorry, are you, honey? +You ain't--you ain't sorry, are you, honey? No, but--but you seen that advertisement in the Spicy Western Story magazine. Don't pay nothin'. Jus' send 'em the coupon an' you're a radio expert--nice clean work. +No, but--but you seen that advertisement in the Spicy Western Story magazine. Don't pay nothin'. Jus' send 'em the coupon an' you're a radio expert--nice clean work. But we can still do it, honey. +But we can still do it, honey. I ought to done it then--an' not come on any trip like this. +They shore don't waste no time! Take her out. Save your strength, lady. Get goin', buddy. No campin' here. +Save your strength, lady. Get goin', buddy. No campin' here. We ain't campin'. We jus' stoppin' a minute-- +We ain't campin'. We jus' stoppin' a minute-- Lissen, I heard that before-- +Fella named Spencer sent us--said they was work pickin' peaches. Want to work, do you? +Want to work, do you? Sure do. +Sure do. Pull up behind that car. Okay for this one. Take 'em through. +Pull up behind that car. Okay for this one. Take 'em through. What's the matter? What's happened? +What's the matter? What's happened? Little trouble up ahead, but you'll get through. Just follow the line. +I don't like nobody drawin' a bead on me. Then what are you doin' this kind a thing for--against your own people? +Then what are you doin' this kind a thing for--against your own people? For three dollars a day, that's what I'm doin' it for. I got two little kids. I got a wife and my wife's mother. Them people got to eat. Fust and on'y thing I got to think about is my own folks. What happens to other folks is their lookout. +For three dollars a day, that's what I'm doin' it for. I got two little kids. I got a wife and my wife's mother. Them people got to eat. Fust and on'y thing I got to think about is my own folks. What happens to other folks is their lookout. But this is *my land*, son. Don't you understand? +But this is *my land*, son. Don't you understand? *Used* to be your land. B'longs to the comp'ny now. +Have it your own way, son, but just as sure as you touch my house with that cat I'm gonna blow you plumb to kingdom come. You ain't gonna blow nobody nowhere. First place, you'd get hung and you know it. For another, it wouldn't be two days before they'd have another guy here to take my place. +How about a lift, mister? Can't you see that sticker? +Goin' far? Just a few miles. I'd a walked her if my dogs wasn't pooped out. +Just a few miles. I'd a walked her if my dogs wasn't pooped out. Lookin' for a job? +Lookin' for a job? No, my old man got a place, forty acres. He's a sharecropper, but we been there a long time. +No, my old man got a place, forty acres. He's a sharecropper, but we been there a long time. Oh! +Been doin' a job? Yeah. +Yeah. I seen your hands. You been swinging a pick or a sledge--that shines up your hands. I notice little things like that all the time. Got a trade? +I seen your hands. You been swinging a pick or a sledge--that shines up your hands. I notice little things like that all the time. Got a trade? Why don't you get to it, buddy? +Why don't you get to it, buddy? Get to what? +Get to what? You know what I mean. You been givin' me a goin' over ever since I got in. Whyn't you go on and ask me where I been? +You know what I mean. You been givin' me a goin' over ever since I got in. Whyn't you go on and ask me where I been? I don't stick my nose in nobody's business. +I don't stick my nose in nobody's business. Naw--not much! +Naw--not much! I stay in my own yard. +I stay in my own yard. Listen. That big nose of yours been goin' over me like a sheep in a vegetable patch. But I ain't keepin' it a secret. I been in the penitentiary. Been there four years. Like to know anything else? +Listen. That big nose of yours been goin' over me like a sheep in a vegetable patch. But I ain't keepin' it a secret. I been in the penitentiary. Been there four years. Like to know anything else? You ain't got to get sore. +You ain't got to get sore. Go ahead. Ask me anything you want. +Go ahead. Ask me anything you want. I didn't mean nothing. +I didn't mean nothing. Me neither. I'm just tryin' to get along without shovin' anybody around, that's all. See that road up ahead? +Me neither. I'm just tryin' to get along without shovin' anybody around, that's all. See that road up ahead? Yeah. +Yeah. That's where I get off. +I never asked you! Sure, but you'd a throwed a fit if I hadn't tol' you. +You people got a lotta nerve. What you mean? +What you mean? Crossin' the desert in a jalopy like this. +Crossin' the desert in a jalopy like this. You been acrost? +You been acrost? Sure, plenty, but not in no wreck like this. +Sure, plenty, but not in no wreck like this. If we broke down maybe somebody'd give us a han'. +If we broke down maybe somebody'd give us a han'. Well, maybe. But I'd hate to be doin' it. Takes more nerve than I got. +Well, maybe. But I'd hate to be doin' it. Takes more nerve than I got. It don't take no nerve to do somep'n when there ain't nothin' else you can do. +Workin'. Pickin' peaches. But I seen a bunch a fellas yellin' when we come in, so I come out to see what's goin' on. What's it all about? This here's a strike. +This here's a strike. Well, fi' cents a box ain't much, but a fella can eat. +Well, fi' cents a box ain't much, but a fella can eat. Fi' cents! They pain' you fi' cents? +Fi' cents! They pain' you fi' cents? Sure. We made a buck since midday. +An' the nex' thing you know you'll be out, because they got it all figgered down to a T--until the harvest is in you're a *migrant* worker--afterwards, just a bum. Five they're a-gettin' now, an' that's all they're int'rested in. I know exackly what Pa'd say. He'd jus' say it wasn't none a his business. +What's he fixin' to do, ma? Hush! +I could break up some bresh if you want me, ma'am. You want to get ast to eat, hunh? +You want to get ast to eat, hunh? Yes, ma'am. +Yes, ma'am. Didn' you have no breakfast? +Didn' you have no breakfast? No, ma'am. They ain't no work hereabouts. Pa's in tryin' to sell some stuff to get gas so's we can get along. +No, ma'am. They ain't no work hereabouts. Pa's in tryin' to sell some stuff to get gas so's we can get along. Didn' none of these have no breakfast? +What you mean you ain't goin'? We *got* to go. We got no place to stay. I ain't talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about me. And I'm a-stayin'. I give her a good goin' over all night long-- and I'm a-stayin'. +I ain't talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about me. And I'm a-stayin'. I give her a good goin' over all night long-- and I'm a-stayin'. But you can't *do* that, Grampa. This here land is goin' under the tractor. We *all* got to git out. +But you can't *do* that, Grampa. This here land is goin' under the tractor. We *all* got to git out. All but me! I'm a-stayin'. +Now listen, Grampa. Listen to me, just a minute. And I ain't gonna listen either. I tol' you what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a hoot in a hollow if they's oranges and grapes crowdin' a fella outa bed even, I ain't a- goin' to California! This here's my country. I b'long *here*. It ain't no good-- --but it's mine. +Easy, *easy!* You wanta bust his head wide open? Pull his arms, John. Ain't a-goin', thas all... +Ain't a-goin', thas all... Put somepin' over him, so he won't git sun-struck. Ever'body set now? Awright, Al, letta go! +"You know what I al'ays said: ""Tom'll come bustin' outa that jail like a bull through a corral fence."" Can't keep no Joad in jail!" I didn't bust out. They lemme out. Howya, Noah. Howya, Uncle John. +What's the matter, Grampa? Ain't nothin' the matter. I just ain't a-goin', that's all. +How 'bout Granma? Take her with you! +Ma. Pa. Grampa, his eyes hurt and hunted and frightened and bewildered, scratches in the dirt. And can't nobody *make* me go, either! Ain't nobody here *man* enough to make me! I'm a-stayin'. +*Ain't* a-goin'... ain't a-goin'... 'S all right, Grampa. You just kind a tar'd, that's all. Somebody fix a pallet. +Where you going? California. +California. How long you plan to be in Arizona? +How long you plan to be in Arizona? No longer'n we can get acrost her. +No longer'n we can get acrost her. Got any plants? +Got any plants? No plants. +No plants. Okay. Go ahead, but you better keep movin'. +Okay. Go ahead, but you better keep movin'. Sure. We aim to. +Where you think you're going? Thought I'd take a walk. Any law against it? +Thought I'd take a walk. Any law against it? Well, you just turn around and walk the other way. +Well, you just turn around and walk the other way. You mean I can't even get outa here? +You mean I can't even get outa here? Not tonight you can't. Want to walk back?--or you want me to whistle up some help and take you back? +Not tonight you can't. Want to walk back?--or you want me to whistle up some help and take you back? I'll walk back. +You take this. I ain't hungry. Whatta ya mean? You ain't et today. +Whatta ya mean? You ain't et today. I know, but I got a stomickache. I ain't hungry. +I know, but I got a stomickache. I ain't hungry. You take that plate inside the tent an' you eat it. +You take that plate inside the tent an' you eat it. Wouldn't be no use. I'd still see 'em inside the tent. +Wouldn't be no use. I'd still see 'em inside the tent. You git. Go on now, git. You ain't doin' no good. They ain't enough for you. +I got to get a lot curiouser than I am--with all them cops out there. Okay. I be back a little later. +Ma... all this, will it hurt the baby? Now don't you go gettin' nimsy-mimsy. +Now don't you go gettin' nimsy-mimsy. Sometimes I'm all jumpy inside. +Sometimes I'm all jumpy inside. Well, can't nobody get through nine *months* without sorrow. +Well, can't nobody get through nine *months* without sorrow. But will it--hurt the baby? +But will it--hurt the baby? They use' to be a sayin': A chile born outa sorrow'll be a happy chile. An' another: Born outa too much joy'll be a doleful boy. That's the way I always heard it. +They use' to be a sayin': A chile born outa sorrow'll be a happy chile. An' another: Born outa too much joy'll be a doleful boy. That's the way I always heard it. You don't ever get scairt, do you, Ma? +You don't ever get scairt, do you, Ma? Sometimes. A little. Only it ain't scairt so much. It's just waitin' an' wonderin'. But when sump'n happens that I got to do sump'n-- --I'll do it. +Sometimes. A little. Only it ain't scairt so much. It's just waitin' an' wonderin'. But when sump'n happens that I got to do sump'n-- --I'll do it. Don't it ever scare you it won't be nice in California like we think? +Don't it ever scare you it won't be nice in California like we think? No. No, it don't. I can't do that. I can't let m'self. All I can do is see how soon they gonna wanta eat again. They'd all get upset if I done anymore 'n that. They all depen' on me jus' thinkin' about that. That's my part--that an' keepin' the fambly together. +Maybe Connie went to get some books to study up with. He's gonna be a radio expert, ya know. Maybe he figgered to suprise us. Maybe that's jus' what he done. +We gonna live here? Why, sure. It won't be so bad once we get her washed out. +Why, sure. It won't be so bad once we get her washed out. I like the tent better. +I like the tent better. This got a floor. Wouldn't leak when it rains. +Anybody ask anything? No'm. +No'm. Stand by the door. +Ma... you know, if Connie was here I wouldn't min' any a this. I know, honey, an' just as soon as we get settled Al's gonna set out an' look for him. How 'bout gas, Tommy? +Ma... Ma, I--I can't go to the dance. I jus' can't Ma. I can't hardly stan' it, with Connie not here--an' me this way. Why, honey, it makes folks happy to see a girl that way--makes folks sort of giggly an' happy. +Why, honey, it makes folks happy to see a girl that way--makes folks sort of giggly an' happy. I can't he'p it, Ma. It don't make *me* giggly an' happy. +You an' me's goin' together--jus' you an' me. We're a-goin' to that dance an' we're a-goin' to jus' set an' watch. If anybody says to come dance--why I'll say you're poorly. But you an' me, we're gonna hear the music an' see the fun. An' you won't let nobody touch me? +An' you won't let nobody touch me? No--an' look what I got for you. +How 'bout it? Go get Tom an' Al. I dunno what to do. I got to feed the fambly. What'm I gonna do with these here? +You don't know *no* girls around here. You're lyin', *You're runnin' away*! Cut it out, Ma, or I'll-- +Cut it out, Ma, or I'll-- You'll *what*?... Come on, Pa. Come on an' whup me. Jus' try it. +You'll *what*?... Come on, Pa. Come on an' whup me. Jus' try it. Now don't get sassy, Ma. +Now don't get sassy, Ma. Al ain't a-goin' away, an' you gonna *tell* him he ain't a-goin' away. An' if you think diff'unt, you gotta whup me first. So some on. +Al ain't a-goin' away, an' you gonna *tell* him he ain't a-goin' away. An' if you think diff'unt, you gotta whup me first. So some on. I never *seen* her so sassy. An' she ain't so young, neither! +Jus' sassy, that's all. Sassy my foot! I'm jus' sick and tar'd a my folks tryin' to bust up. All we got lef' in the *worl'* is the fambly--an' right down at bottom that's all we *got* to have! Ef some of us dies, we can't he'p that--but ain't nobody else runnin' away! +Connie's gone. Lit out this e'enin'--said he didn't know it was gonna be like this. Glad to get shet of him. Never was no good an' never will be-- +Glad to get shet of him. Never was no good an' never will be-- Pa! Shh! +Pa! Shh! How come I got to shh? Run out, didn't he? +Sump'n got to happen soon. We got one day's more grease, two day's flour, an' ten potatoes. After that... An' Rosasharn, we got to remember she's gonna be due soon. It sure is hell jus' tryin' to get enough to eat. +That! They charge extry at the comp'ny store but they ain't no other place. +Know where we're a-goin'? Don't matter. Just got to go--an' keep a-goin', till we get plenty a distance away from here. +Make her easy, John. Watch her. She'll be awright. +Maybe, but we shore takin' a beatin'. I know. Maybe that makes us tough. Rich fellas come up an' they die, an' their kids ain't no good, an' they die out. But we keep a-comin'. We're the people that live. Can't nobody wipe us out. Can't nobody lick us. We'll go on forever, Pa. We're the people. +Thank God. Oh thank God. Tommy, you didn't *bust* out, didya? You ain't got to hide, have you? No, Ma. I'm paroled. I got my papers. +I was so scared we was goin' away without you--and we'd never see each other again. I'd a found you, Ma. +Muley tol' me what happened, Ma. Are we goin' to California true? We *got* to, Tommy. But that's gonna be awright. I seen the han'bills, about how much work they is, an' high wages, too. But I gotta fin' out somepin' else first, Tommy. Did they hurt you, son? Did they hurt you an' make you mean-mad? +We *got* to, Tommy. But that's gonna be awright. I seen the han'bills, about how much work they is, an' high wages, too. But I gotta fin' out somepin' else first, Tommy. Did they hurt you, son? Did they hurt you an' make you mean-mad? Mad, Ma? +Mad, Ma? Sometimes they do. +Sometimes they do. No, Ma I was at first--but not no more. +No, Ma I was at first--but not no more. Sometimes they do somethin' to you, Tommy. They hurt you--and you get mad--and then you get mean--and they hurt you again--and you get meaner, and meaner--till you ain't no boy or no man any more, but just a walkin' chunk a mean-mad. Did they hurt you like that, Tommy? +Sometimes they do somethin' to you, Tommy. They hurt you--and you get mad--and then you get mean--and they hurt you again--and you get meaner, and meaner--till you ain't no boy or no man any more, but just a walkin' chunk a mean-mad. Did they hurt you like that, Tommy? No, Ma. You don't have to worry about that. +No, Ma. You don't have to worry about that. Thank God. I--I don't want no mean son +How about it, Ma? I'm ready. +Wait. There's a half a bottle a soothin' sirup here. It put the chillun to sleep. Don't taste bad. +Don't taste bad. And they's some coffee here. I could fix him a cup... +And they's some coffee here. I could fix him a cup... That's right. And douse some in it. +Yes'm, that was it. Your pa tol' me you didn't ought to cross it if you're paroled. Says they'll send you up again. +Your pa tol' me you didn't ought to cross it if you're paroled. Says they'll send you up again. Forget it, Ma. I got her figgered out. Long as I keep outa trouble, ain't nobody gonna say a thing. All I gotta do is keep my nose clean. +Forget it, Ma. I got her figgered out. Long as I keep outa trouble, ain't nobody gonna say a thing. All I gotta do is keep my nose clean. Maybe they got crimes in California we don't know about. Crimes we don't even know *is* crimes. +Maybe they got crimes in California we don't know about. Crimes we don't even know *is* crimes. Forget it, Ma. Jus' think about the nice things out there. Think about them grapes and oranges--an' ever'body got work-- +Ma, you sick? Ya say we're acrost? +Ya say we're acrost? Look, Ma! +Look, Ma! Thank God! An' we're still together-- most of us. +Thank God! An' we're still together-- most of us. Didn' you get no sleep? +Didn' you get no sleep? No. +No. Was Granma bad? +Was Granma bad? Granma's dead. +Granma's dead. When? +When? Since before they stopped us las' night. +Since before they stopped us las' night. An' that's why you didn't want 'em to look? +An' that's why you didn't want 'em to look? I was afraid they'd stop us an' wouldn't let us cross. But I tol' Granma. I tol' her when she was dyin'. I tol' her the fambly had ta get acrost. I tol' her we couldn't take no chances on bein' stopped. +She shore don't look prosperous. Want to go somewheres else? On a gallon a gas? Let's set up the tent. Maybe I can fix us up some stew. +Ma, they comes a time when a man gets mad. Tom--you tol' me--you promised you wasn't like that. You promised me. +Tom--you tol' me--you promised you wasn't like that. You promised me. I know, Ma. I'm a tryin'. If it was the law they was workin' with, we could take it. But it *ain't* the law. They're workin' away at our spirits. They're tryin' to make us cringe an' crawl. They're workin' on our decency. +I know, Ma. I'm a tryin'. If it was the law they was workin' with, we could take it. But it *ain't* the law. They're workin' away at our spirits. They're tryin' to make us cringe an' crawl. They're workin' on our decency. You promised, Tommy. +You promised, Tommy. I'm a-tryin', Ma. Honest I am. +I'm a-tryin', Ma. Honest I am. You gotta keep clear, Tom. The fambly's breakin' up. You *got* to keep clear. +You gotta keep clear, Tom. The fambly's breakin' up. You *got* to keep clear. What's that--detour? +Fust thing I'll get is coffee, cause ever'body been wantin' that, an' then some flour an' bakin' powder an' meat. Better not get no side- meat right off. Save that for later. Maybe Sat'dy. Got to get some soap too. An' milk. Rosasharn's got to have some milk. Get some sugar too, for the coffee. +Get some sugar too, for the coffee. You know, I jus' can't remember when I felt so good before! +Got any more, Ma? No. That's all. You made a dollar, an' that's a dollar's worth. +I ain't full. Well, tomorra you'll get in a full day--full day's pay--an' we'll have plenty. +You be careful, Tommy. Don't you be stickin' your nose in anything. Okay, Ma. Don't you worry. +How's it feel, Tommy? Busted my cheek but I can still see. What'd you hear? +Busted my cheek but I can still see. What'd you hear? Looks like you done it. +Looks like you done it. I kinda thought so. Felt like it. +I kinda thought so. Felt like it. Folks ain't talkin' about much else. They say they got posses out. Talkin' about a lynchin'--when they catch the fella. +Folks ain't talkin' about much else. They say they got posses out. Talkin' about a lynchin'--when they catch the fella. They killed Casy first. +They killed Casy first. That ain't the way they're tellin' it. They're sayin' you done it fust. +That ain't the way they're tellin' it. They're sayin' you done it fust. They know what--this fella looks like? +They know what--this fella looks like? They know he got hit in the face. +They know he got hit in the face. I'm sorry, Ma. But--I didn't know what I was doin', no more'n when you take a breath. I didn't even know I was gonna do it. +I'm sorry, Ma. But--I didn't know what I was doin', no more'n when you take a breath. I didn't even know I was gonna do it. It's awright, Tommy. I wisht you didn't do it, but you done what you had to do. I can't read no fault in you. +It's awright, Tommy. I wisht you didn't do it, but you done what you had to do. I can't read no fault in you. I'm gonna go away tonight. I can't go puttin' this on you folks. +I'm gonna go away tonight. I can't go puttin' this on you folks. Tom! They's a whole lot I don't understan', but goin' away ain't gonna ease us. They was the time when we was on the lan'. They was a bound'ry to us then. Ol' folks died off, an' little fellas come, an' we was always one thing-- we was the fambly--kinda whole an' clear. But now we ain't clear no more. They ain't nothin' keeps us clear. Al--he's a-hankerin' an' a- jibbitin' to go off on his own. An' Uncle John is just a-draggin' along. Pa's lost his place--he ain't the head no more. We're crackin' up, Tom. They ain't no fambly now. Rosasharn-- --she gonna have her baby, but *it* ain't gonna have no fambly. I been tryin' to keep her goin' but--Winfiel'-- what's he gonna be, this-a-way? Growin' up wild, an' Ruthie, too-- like animals. Got nothin' to trus'. Don't go Tom. Stay an' help. Help me. +Tom! They's a whole lot I don't understan', but goin' away ain't gonna ease us. They was the time when we was on the lan'. They was a bound'ry to us then. Ol' folks died off, an' little fellas come, an' we was always one thing-- we was the fambly--kinda whole an' clear. But now we ain't clear no more. They ain't nothin' keeps us clear. Al--he's a-hankerin' an' a- jibbitin' to go off on his own. An' Uncle John is just a-draggin' along. Pa's lost his place--he ain't the head no more. We're crackin' up, Tom. They ain't no fambly now. Rosasharn-- --she gonna have her baby, but *it* ain't gonna have no fambly. I been tryin' to keep her goin' but--Winfiel'-- what's he gonna be, this-a-way? Growin' up wild, an' Ruthie, too-- like animals. Got nothin' to trus'. Don't go Tom. Stay an' help. Help me. Okay, Ma. I shouldn't, though. I know I shouldn't. But okay. +That Casy. He might a been a preacher, but--he seen a lot a things clear. He was like a lantern--he helped mw see things too. Comes night we'll get outa here. +It's jus' till we get some distance. Then you can come out. I'd hate to get *trapped* in here. +What is it? Don't know--but it's better'n this. +She's gettin' prettier, Ma. Girl with a baby *always* gets prettier. +They was some cops here, Ma. They was takin' down the license numbers. It looks like somebody knows sump'n. It had to come, I reckon, soon or later. +It had to come, I reckon, soon or later. I'd like to stay. I'd like to be with ya-- --an' see your face when you an' Pa get settled in a nice little place. I sure wish I could see you then. But-- --I guess I won't never be able to do that. Not now. +I'd like to stay. I'd like to be with ya-- --an' see your face when you an' Pa get settled in a nice little place. I sure wish I could see you then. But-- --I guess I won't never be able to do that. Not now. I could hide you, Tommy. +I could hide you, Tommy. I know you would, Ma. But I ain't gonna let you. You hide somebody that's kilt a man an'... an' you'd be in trouble too. +I know you would, Ma. But I ain't gonna let you. You hide somebody that's kilt a man an'... an' you'd be in trouble too. Awright, Tommy. What you figger you gonna do? +Awright, Tommy. What you figger you gonna do? You know what I been thinkin' about, Ma? About Casy. About what he said, what he done, an' about how he died. An' I remember all of it. +You know what I been thinkin' about, Ma? About Casy. About what he said, what he done, an' about how he died. An' I remember all of it. He was a good man. +He was a good man. I been thinkin' about us, too--about our people livin' like pigs, an' good rich lan' layin' fallow, or maybe one fella with a million acres, while a hundred thousan' farmers is starvin'. An' I been wonderin' if all our folks got together an' yelled-- +I been thinkin' about us, too--about our people livin' like pigs, an' good rich lan' layin' fallow, or maybe one fella with a million acres, while a hundred thousan' farmers is starvin'. An' I been wonderin' if all our folks got together an' yelled-- Tommy, they'll drive you, an' cut you down like they done to Casy. +Tommy, they'll drive you, an' cut you down like they done to Casy. They gonna drive me anyways. Soon or later they'll get me, for one thing if not another. Until then... +They gonna drive me anyways. Soon or later they'll get me, for one thing if not another. Until then... You don't aim to kill nobody, Tom! +You don't aim to kill nobody, Tom! No, Ma. Not that. That ain't it. But long as I'm a outlaw, anyways, maybe I can do sump'n. Maybe I can jus' fin' out sump'n. Jus' scrounge aroun' an' try to fin' out what it is that's wrong, an then see if they ain't sump'n could be done about it. But I ain't thought it out clear, Ma. I can't. I don't know enough. +No, Ma. Not that. That ain't it. But long as I'm a outlaw, anyways, maybe I can do sump'n. Maybe I can jus' fin' out sump'n. Jus' scrounge aroun' an' try to fin' out what it is that's wrong, an then see if they ain't sump'n could be done about it. But I ain't thought it out clear, Ma. I can't. I don't know enough. How'm I gonna know 'bout you? They might kill you an' I wouldn't know. They might hurt you. How'm I gonna know? +How'm I gonna know 'bout you? They might kill you an' I wouldn't know. They might hurt you. How'm I gonna know? Well, maybe it's like Casy says, a fella ain't got a soul of his own, but on'y a piece of a big soul--the one big soul that belongs to ever'body-- an' then... +Well, maybe it's like Casy says, a fella ain't got a soul of his own, but on'y a piece of a big soul--the one big soul that belongs to ever'body-- an' then... Then what, Tom? +Then what, Tom? Then it don't matter. Then I'll be all aroun' in the dark. I'll be ever'where--wherever you look. Wherever there's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad--an' I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry an' they know supper's ready. An' when our people eat the stuff they raise, an' live in the houses they build, why, I'll be there too. +Then it don't matter. Then I'll be all aroun' in the dark. I'll be ever'where--wherever you look. Wherever there's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad--an' I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry an' they know supper's ready. An' when our people eat the stuff they raise, an' live in the houses they build, why, I'll be there too. I don't understan' it, Tom. +I don't understan' it, Tom. Me neither. It's jus' stuff I been thinkin' about. Gimme you han', Ma. Good-by. +Me neither. It's jus' stuff I been thinkin' about. Gimme you han', Ma. Good-by. Good-by, Tom. Later--when it's blowed over--you'll come back? You'll try to fin' us? +Good-by, Tom. Later--when it's blowed over--you'll come back? You'll try to fin' us? Sure. Good-by. +Sure. Good-by. Good-by, Tommy. +Yeah? Could you see your way clear to sell us a loaf of bread, ma'am. +Could you see your way clear to sell us a loaf of bread, ma'am. This ain't a groc'ry store. We got bread to make san'widges with. +This ain't a groc'ry store. We got bread to make san'widges with. I know, ma'am... on'y it's for a ole lady, no teeth, gotta sof'n it with water so she can chew it, an' she's hongry. +I know, ma'am... on'y it's for a ole lady, no teeth, gotta sof'n it with water so she can chew it, an' she's hongry. Whyn't you buy a san'wich? We got nice san'widges. +Whyn't you buy a san'wich? We got nice san'widges. I shore would like to do that, ma'am, but the fack is, we ain't got but a dime for it. It's all figgered out, I mean--for the trip. +I shore would like to do that, ma'am, but the fack is, we ain't got but a dime for it. It's all figgered out, I mean--for the trip. You can't get no loaf a bread for a dime. We only got fifteen-cent loafs. +This here's a fifteen-cent loaf. Would you--could you see your way to cuttin' off ten cents worth? +You can have this for ten cents. I don't wanta rob you, ma'am. +I don't wanta rob you, ma'am. Go ahead--Bert says take it. +Which ones? There, them stripy ones. +Oh, them? Well, no--them's *two* for a penny. Well, give me two then, ma'am. +Tommy? Muley! Where's my folks, Muley? +Muley! Where's my folks, Muley? They gone. +They gone. I know that! But *where* they gone? +Gone-- --over to your Uncle John's. The whole crowd of 'em, two weeks ago. But they can't stay there either, because John's got *his* notice to get off. But what's happened? How come they got to get off? We been here fifty years--same place. +But what's happened? How come they got to get off? We been here fifty years--same place. Ever'body got to get off. Ever'body leavin', goin' to California. My folks, your folks, ever'body's folks. Ever'body but me. I ain't gettin' off. +Ever'body got to get off. Ever'body leavin', goin' to California. My folks, your folks, ever'body's folks. Ever'body but me. I ain't gettin' off. But who done it? +But who done it? Listen! That's some of what done it--the dusters. Started it, anyway. Blowin' like this, year after year--blowin' the land away, blowin' the crops away, blowin' us away now. +Listen! That's some of what done it--the dusters. Started it, anyway. Blowin' like this, year after year--blowin' the land away, blowin' the crops away, blowin' us away now. Are you crazy? +Are you crazy? Some say I am. You want to hear what happened? +Some say I am. You want to hear what happened? That's what I asked you, ain't it? +Well? They come. They come and pushed me off. +What was the use. He was right. There wasn't a thing in the world I could do about it. But it don't seem possible--kicked off like that! +But it don't seem possible--kicked off like that! The rest of my fambly set out for the west--there wasn't nothin' to eat--but I couldn't leave. Somepin' wouldn't let me. So now I just wander around. Sleep wherever I am. I used to tell myself I was lookin' out for things, so when they come back ever'thing would be all right. But I knowed that wan't true. There ain't nothin' to look out for. And ain't nobody comin' back. They're gone-- and me, I'm just an 'ol graveyard ghost--that's all in the world I am. +Listen! That's them! Them lights! Come on, we got to hide out! Hide out for what? We ain't doin' nothin'. +Hide out for what? We ain't doin' nothin'. You're *trespassin'*! It ain't you lan' no more! An' that's the supr'tendant--with a gun! +All you got to do is lay down an' watch. Won't they come out here? +Won't they come out here? I don't think so. One come out here once an' I clipped him from behin' with a fence stake. They ain't bothered since. +Fact of the matter, Muley, after what them dusters done to the land, the tenant system don't work no more. It don't even break even, much less show a profit. One man on a tractor can handle twelve or fourteen of these places. You just pay him a wage and take *all* the crop. But we couldn't *do* on any less'n what our share is now. The chillun ain't gettin' enough to eat as it is, and they're so ragged we'd be shamed if ever'body else's chillun wasn't the same way. +But we couldn't *do* on any less'n what our share is now. The chillun ain't gettin' enough to eat as it is, and they're so ragged we'd be shamed if ever'body else's chillun wasn't the same way. I can't help that. All I know is I got my orders. They told me to tell you you got to get off, and that's what I'm telling you. +You mean get off my own land? Now don't go blaming me. It ain't *my* fault. +Who's the Shawnee Land and Cattle Comp'ny? It ain't nobody. It's a company. +Then who *do* we shoot? Brother, I don't know. If I did I'd tell you. But I just don't know *who's* to blame! +Brother, I don't know. If I did I'd tell you. But I just don't know *who's* to blame! Well, I'm right here to tell you, mister, ain't *nobody* going to push me off *my* land! Grampa took up this land seventy years ago. My pa was born here. We was *all* born on it, and some of us got killed on it, and some died on it. And that's what makes it ourn--bein' born on it, and workin' it, and dyin' on it--and not no piece of paper with writin' on it! So just come on and try to push me off! +That's Connie Rivers with her. They're married now. She's due about three-four months. Why, she wasn't no more'n a kid when I went up. +How you get all this money? Sol' things, chopped cotton--even Grampa. Got us about two hunnerd dollars all tol'. Shucked out seventy- five for this truck, but we still got nearly a hunnerd and fifty to set out on. I figger we oughta be able to make it on that. +Sol' things, chopped cotton--even Grampa. Got us about two hunnerd dollars all tol'. Shucked out seventy- five for this truck, but we still got nearly a hunnerd and fifty to set out on. I figger we oughta be able to make it on that. Easy. After all, they ain't but about *twelve* of us, is they? +Either we got to tie him up and *throw* him on the truck, or somepin. He can't stay here. Can't tie him. Either we'll hurt him or he'll git so mad he'll hurt his self. Reckon we could git him *drunk*? +Can't tie him. Either we'll hurt him or he'll git so mad he'll hurt his self. Reckon we could git him *drunk*? Ain't no whisky, is they? +Here we go! California, here we come! +I figger best we leave something like this on him, lest somebody dig him up and make out he been kilt. Lotta times looks like the gov'ment got more interest in a dead man than a live one. Not be so lonesome, either, knowin' his name is there with 'im, not just' a old fella lonesome underground. +Not be so lonesome, either, knowin' his name is there with 'im, not just' a old fella lonesome underground. Casy, won't you say a few words? +Got that desert yet. Gotta take her tonight. Take her in the daytime fella says she'll cut your gizzard out. How's Granma since we got her in the tent? +She's jus' wore out, that's all. I shore would like to stop here a while an' give her some res' but we on'y got 'bout forty dollars left. I won't feel right till we're there an' all workin' an' a little money comin' in. +Ya know, you're the second fella talked like that. I'd like to hear some more about that. Me an' you both. +Just in case. Sit up back an' if anybody tries to climb up--let 'im have it. I ain't got nothin' in *my* han'. +I ain't got nothin' in *my* han'. Give 'im a fryin' pan. +You wouldn't think jus' reachin' up an' pickin'd get you in the back. Think I'll walk out an' try to fin' out what all that fuss outside the gate was. Anybody wanta come with me? +Think I'll walk out an' try to fin' out what all that fuss outside the gate was. Anybody wanta come with me? No. I'm jus' gonna set awhile an' then go to bed. +Take 'er on down, Al. I'll sign. We gonna stay, ain't we? +We gonna stay, ain't we? You're tootin' we're gonna stay. +Good wages, eh! Pickin' oranges an' peaches? We gonna take whatever they got. +Whatta you think you're talkin' about? I got a han'bill here says good wages, an' I seen it in the papers they need pickers! Awright, go on! Ain't nobody stoppin' ya! +Awright, go on! Ain't nobody stoppin' ya! But what about this? +But what about this? I ain't gonna fret you. Go on! +But what does *that* prove? Look at 'em! Same yella han'bill-- 800 pickers wanted. Awright, this man wants 800 men. So he prints up 5,000 a them han'bills an' maybe 20,000 people sees 'em. An' maybe two-three thousan' starts movin, wes' account a this han'bill. Two- three thousan' folks that's crazy with worry headin' out for 800 jobs! Does that make sense? +Heh'o Tom. This is Connie, my husband. If this don't beat all! Well, I see you been busy already! +If this don't beat all! Well, I see you been busy already! You do not see either!--not yet! +Maybe it's nice on the other side. Them pitchers--them little pos'cards-- they was real pretty. Aw, sure. This here's jus' a part of it. Ain't no sense a gettin' scairt right off. +Cut it out, Pa. He'p Al with the truck. Don't fret, honey. You goin' to be awright. Tom, I jus' don't feel like nothin' a tall. Without him I jus' don't wanta live. +Tom, I jus' don't feel like nothin' a tall. Without him I jus' don't wanta live. Maybe he'll be back. We'll leave word for him. Jus' don't cry. +This here's the desert an' we're right in it! I wisht it was day. +I wisht it was day. Tom says if it's day it'll cut you gizzard smack out a you. I seen a pitcher once. They was bones ever'place. +Tom says if it's day it'll cut you gizzard smack out a you. I seen a pitcher once. They was bones ever'place. Man bones? +Man bones? Some, I guess, but mos'ly cow bones. +Git up. I got sump'n to show you. Whatsa matter? +Whatsa matter? It's them white things, made outa dish-stuff, like in the catalogues! +Come on. Ain't nobody gonna say anything. Won't they ketch us? +Lemme go! I didn't go to do it! Keep qui'te, will ya! Shet your mouth! +Keep qui'te, will ya! Shet your mouth! I never knowed it! All I done was pull that string! +I never knowed it! All I done was pull that string! Lissen. You done busted it. You hear? But lissen here. I won't tell nobody, y'understan'? +Lissen. You done busted it. You hear? But lissen here. I won't tell nobody, y'understan'? Please don't. +Please don't. I won't-- --if you won't tell what *I* done! +What's these? Well, I reckon you *stan'* in them little rooms--an' water come down outa that there little jigger up there--take a bath! +Jes' like in the catalogues, ain't they! I seen 'em b'fore you did. +I seen 'em b'fore you did. What's this? +What's this? Now don't you go monk'ing-- +Now you done it! You busted it! I never-- +Morning. Morning. +Morning. You people looking for work? +You people looking for work? Mister, we're lookin' even under boards for work. +Mister, we're lookin' even under boards for work. Can you pick peaches? +Can you pick peaches? We can pick anything. +We can pick anything. Well, there's plenty of work for you about forty miles north, this road just outside Pixley. Turn east on 32 and look for Hooper's ranch. Tell 'em Spencer sent you. +Lotta these little farmers mighty nice fellas. Trouble is they're little, they ain't got much say-so. Shore looks like my lucky day, anyway. Gettin' some work at las'. +You sure you got ever'thing ready? Ain't gonna be no trouble. +Ain't gonna be no trouble. You ain't to hurt them fellas. +Yes, sir. Awright. An' if she gets outa han', I'll be in the right han' corner, this side the dance floor. +Awright. An' if she gets outa han', I'll be in the right han' corner, this side the dance floor. Ain't gonna get outa han'. +But wait. I still don't understand what you do. I work at Kentucky Fried Chicken. +You do not. Yes I do. +Yes I do. You don't... +You don't... In the corporate offices. +In the corporate offices. Oh... really? +Oh... really? Yeah... +Yeah... What do you do? +What do you do? I sell biscuits to the Southland. +I sell biscuits to the Southland. You do not. +You do not. It's what I do. +It's what I do. You're so funny... +You're so funny... I sell biscuits and gravy all over the Southland-- +I sell biscuits and gravy all over the Southland-- --Stop it-- +--Stop it-- You know those horsey biscuit gravy packets? I move all of those-- +You know those horsey biscuit gravy packets? I move all of those-- --No. +--No. Sometimes we sell them to McDonald's and just change them to special barbecue sauce. +Welcome back! I'm Arlene Oslott- Joseph. I'm Martin Blank. +Marty, you haven't changed a bit! Don't say that. +We had pictures put on, that way everybody knows who everybody was! Wonderful. +Wonderful. So, what are you doing now? +So, what are you doing now? Whatever I can get away with. +Bob. Bob Destephano. What? +What? I'm Dan. Dan Koretzky. +I'm Dan. Dan Koretzky. Computer guy. +Computer guy. Yeah... Hey, I saw you at your dad's dealership the other day. +Yeah... Hey, I saw you at your dad's dealership the other day. I sell BMW's. What do you do? +I sell BMW's. What do you do? Not much, actually. My software company just went public so I'm just... hanging out, really. +Remember high school? Sure. Listen. Why don't you join us up in the grandstands? +Bob... What? +What? It's me. Martin Blank. +It's me. Martin Blank. Really...? So what? +Really...? So what? Okay. See you later. +So. You and Debi. Gonna hit that shit again? Fine, Bob. How are you? +Fine, Bob. How are you? Never better. +Never better. Really? +Ahhh... it's all fucked up. Nothing adds up to nothing... you work your whole life, day in and day out-- try to make sense of it all. One day you're twenty-seven and what do you get to show for it... You could've been a contender, huh? +What am I gonna do? What do you want to do? +What do you want to do? I want to be an actor. +I want to be an actor. Then express yourself, Bob. +I'd come to the realization that everything I'd based my life on was false. And that my life had no meaning. He gets this way when he hits over eighty-five. +He gets this way when he hits over eighty-five. It seemed like my life was slipping away, somehow. I was a knot in the middle of a wet rope. Everything was futile and nothing had value. +That's a tragedy. Can I finish my story please? I began my search for meaning. I was a Catholic, Jew, Scientologist, Sufi, Buddhist. I went to a Psychologist, psychiatrist, herbalist, nutritionist, a shaman, and a psychic. And they all pretty much say the same stuff. A Jew, a shaman, and a herbalist are telling you the same thing? You're insane. +A Jew, a shaman, and a herbalist are telling you the same thing? You're insane. Basically the same thing. In a very evolved, esoteric way. +Basically the same thing. In a very evolved, esoteric way. Insane. +Insane. To make a long story short... +Jesus... Overflowing with love. +Oh I see. You got your individual slices of hope, dignity, confidence, self-love, justice, and harmony. You open 'em up and there's the sayings, stories, little bites of insight. It's the P.P.P. Six Day Week. +You open 'em up and there's the sayings, stories, little bites of insight. It's the P.P.P. Six Day Week. So you eat-- read it everyday? +So you eat-- read it everyday? Yes. +Yes. And these pan pizzas have opened up the doors to heaven? +And these pan pizzas have opened up the doors to heaven? Correct. That's for you. Keep it. +I just play my own collection. It's nice to see you again. +How long has it been? Since you stood me up on prom night and vanished without saying a word? +Since you stood me up on prom night and vanished without saying a word? Ten years, I think. What I miss? +Well, let me see... they tore down the George Orwell monument and put up a bust of George Michael. Main Street's a four-laner, no left turns four to seven. I was married and divorced. And Grosse Pointe is now officially the new sister city to Lower Hutt, New Zealand. We have fiber-optic town meetings every two months. Here is now there. There is here. +Tell me about yourself. I'm in California most of the time. Traveling a lot on business. That's about it, really. +I'm in California most of the time. Traveling a lot on business. That's about it, really. That's it? +That's it? Not much else. +Not much else. What's your business? +What's your business? I'm a professional killer. +I'm a professional killer. Professional killer. Do you get dental with that? +Well, I gotta go. But I'll come back. Okay. +All right mystery man. I want some answers. Let's recap. Spring of '84. Two young lovers with frightening natural chemistry. The girl sits in a seven-hundred dollar prom dress at her father's house waiting for the most romantic night of her young life. The boy never shows up, until now. So, what's the question? Where have I been? +Where have I been? More like what happened? What happened, Mr. Blank? +More like what happened? What happened, Mr. Blank? I don't know exactly. I could venture a guess but it would sound like a rationalization... I thought you know... maybe seeing you, some friends, my house... of course now a 7-11-- +I don't know exactly. I could venture a guess but it would sound like a rationalization... I thought you know... maybe seeing you, some friends, my house... of course now a 7-11-- --Torn down in the name of convenience-- +--Torn down in the name of convenience-- --and I guess, sure, seeing you would be part of that whole equation... I suppose the most important thing, really. I don't know. Anyway, this whole thing's my therapist's idea. It's my shrink, really. +--and I guess, sure, seeing you would be part of that whole equation... I suppose the most important thing, really. I don't know. Anyway, this whole thing's my therapist's idea. It's my shrink, really. Ohhh. You're in therapy too, Marty? +Ohhh. You're in therapy too, Marty? You see someone? +You see someone? Uh, no. So you're back now, a decade later, and you want to sort things out with me. The question now is, do I allow you... access... to my being? +Are you going to the reunion? No. I'm not going. Is that why you're here? +No. I'm not going. Is that why you're here? That's part of it. +That's part of it. Well, you'll have a ball. You seem to have everything everybody wants when they go back. The car, the suit, the watch. The look. That just leaves the little things, like happiness, character, point of view... +Well, you'll have a ball. You seem to have everything everybody wants when they go back. The car, the suit, the watch. The look. That just leaves the little things, like happiness, character, point of view... It's always the little things. +It's always the little things. Yep. +Okay. Let's catch up. You go first. Well, there's not much to tell. +Well, there's not much to tell. I'm sure you've done worthwhile things in the last ten years. You've had experiences. +I'm sure you've done worthwhile things in the last ten years. You've had experiences. Bad experiences. +Bad experiences. You met people. +You met people. Bad people. +Bad people. Watched television? +Watched television? Bad television. +Bad television. Jesus. Marty. You're pathetic. It sounds like you need a Shockabuku. +Jesus. Marty. You're pathetic. It sounds like you need a Shockabuku. What's that? +What's that? It's a swift spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever. +It's a swift spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever. That'd be good. +I figured I could pick you up tomorrow around seven o'clock. Let me get this straight, are you asking me out? +Let me get this straight, are you asking me out? Yes. +Yes. Unbelievable. +Unbelievable. Seven it is. +Seven it is. I'll think about it. +Are you there? Yes. +Yes. Pick me up at my father's house at around seven. And don't be late this time. +Hello...? This night, this reunion will be an important step in our relationship. +This night, this reunion will be an important step in our relationship. You're fucking psycho. +You're fucking psycho. Don't rush to judgement until all the facts are in. +Flowers. That's funny. As long as I get the laugh. +As long as I get the laugh. Here. Let me put these in some rubbing alcohol. +You look beautiful. Okay... Hold on... +...Let me get my coat. I'll just help myself to a cocktail. +Do you want to get a drink first? I think they'll probably have booze there. +I think they'll probably have booze there. Right. +Shoulda brought my gun. What? +--Yes. Actually we just bought that little Frank Lloyd Wright on Pine Avenue... Debi's a social worker and I mow down insurance claims at Aetna-- We haven't seen each other since high school. +Which would you rather...? Okay... Would you rather... commit yourself sexually to a four-by-nine cell with former President George Herbert Walker Bush dressed as a super-model for a month, or make love to a otter on crank for a week? +Okay... Would you rather... commit yourself sexually to a four-by-nine cell with former President George Herbert Walker Bush dressed as a super-model for a month, or make love to a otter on crank for a week? Soft. I'll take the junkie otter, clearly! I'd let the little beast scratch and claw all he wants... Okay. Would you rather make love to the candied corpse of Phyllis Diller-- +Soft. I'll take the junkie otter, clearly! I'd let the little beast scratch and claw all he wants... Okay. Would you rather make love to the candied corpse of Phyllis Diller-- --She's not dead--- +--She's not dead--- It's just a game...! Alright. Candied Diller, or... wear a hot pork vest across the desert with a fully digested crab apple in your mouth? +It's just a game...! Alright. Candied Diller, or... wear a hot pork vest across the desert with a fully digested crab apple in your mouth? Wow. I have to give this some thought. +Wow. I have to give this some thought. No time. +No time. Okay, then. Clearly candied Diller. +Even though I left, you never left me. Not just memory but a substance in my blood. Like heroin? +Like heroin? Too junky-kitschy. Deeper, deeper. +Too junky-kitschy. Deeper, deeper. Like love? +Like love? Could be. The physical substance of love. +He was trying to kill you, right! Yes. +Yes. Not the other way around...? +Not the other way around...? No. +No. Is it something you've done? +Is it something you've done? It's something I do... +...About five years now. Get the fuck outta here. +Get the fuck outta here. "Seriously, when I left, I joined the Army and took the service exam. They found my psych results fit a certain profile. A certain ""Moral flexibility"" would be the best way to describe it... I was loaned out to a CIA- sponsored program. It's called ""mechanical operations."" We sort of found each other..." +"Seriously, when I left, I joined the Army and took the service exam. They found my psych results fit a certain profile. A certain ""Moral flexibility"" would be the best way to describe it... I was loaned out to a CIA- sponsored program. It's called ""mechanical operations."" We sort of found each other..." You're a government spook? +I was, but no... yes... I was before, but now I'm not. It's irrelevant, really. The idea of governments, nations, it's mostly a public relations theory at this point, anyway. But I'll tell you something, until about five months ago, I really enjoyed my work. Jesus Christ! +Jesus Christ! Then I started losing my taste for it. Which usually means your time is up. But then I realized it was something entirely different... I started getting the sneaking, dark suspicion that maybe there was... meaning to life. +Then I started losing my taste for it. Which usually means your time is up. But then I realized it was something entirely different... I started getting the sneaking, dark suspicion that maybe there was... meaning to life. Okay. Great, Martin, that's just great. Meaning to life... Mmm.... +Okay. Great, Martin, that's just great. Meaning to life... Mmm.... Like, that there's a point? An organic connection between all living things. +Like, that there's a point? An organic connection between all living things. Let me help you along, Martin. You're a sociopath! +Let me help you along, Martin. You're a sociopath! A sociopath kills for no reason. I kill for money. +A sociopath kills for no reason. I kill for money. You never could have kept this from me. +You never could have kept this from me. I was leaving. +I was leaving. That's probably a good idea. +That's probably a good idea. Will you come with me? +Will you come with me? I'm staying here. +I'm staying here. What if I come back? +What if I come back? I'll hide. +You don't get to have me. You are a monster, I'm a human being. We're not going to mate. You don't understand... +You don't understand... That's because I speak human, and you speak monster. +You kill people. I have no illusions about the future. What is, is. We make choices. And we become the sum total of our choices. I can live with that. +I have no illusions about the future. What is, is. We make choices. And we become the sum total of our choices. I can live with that. Other people can't. +Why don't you want to go to your high school reunion? It's in Michigan. Honestly, what do I have in common with those people? Or with anyone? +You went to school with these people. Come on. +Come on. We've spent a lot of time discussing those years. Remember we said that fear is a transfer of the bodily hurt associated by experience with the thing feared, to the thought of the thing. Thus we fear a dog without distinctly imagining its bite. +We've spent a lot of time discussing those years. Remember we said that fear is a transfer of the bodily hurt associated by experience with the thing feared, to the thought of the thing. Thus we fear a dog without distinctly imagining its bite. Shouldn't you be taking notes? +Shouldn't you be taking notes? Tell me about your vision of the reunion. +How do you know? I just know. +I just know. Say more. +Say more. "They'll have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs.... made themselves a part of something. And they can talk about what they do. What am I going to say? ""I killed the President of Paraguay with a fork.""" +You needn't be so frank with me about your work. "Why not. I trust you. You couldn't turn me in because of Doctor-Patient privilege... and I don't want to be ""withholding""... and I know where you live." +"Why not. I trust you. You couldn't turn me in because of Doctor-Patient privilege... and I don't want to be ""withholding""... and I know where you live." You know where I live? +You know where I live? We're both professionals, Oatman. +We're both professionals, Oatman. "I think what you fear Martin is domesticity. It's the greatest fear that men have who belong to Western Culture. It's centuries old. Like King Phillip, in the 11th or 12th century who decided one day that he was so bored with his dreary life at home with his wife he thought, ""Well, wouldn't it be great if we hit the road and fought... oh... the Saracens."" So he put the word out and was amazed when a million men signed up and all of them wanted to go and fight in distant lands and do terrible things to people rather than stay at home with their families." +"I think what you fear Martin is domesticity. It's the greatest fear that men have who belong to Western Culture. It's centuries old. Like King Phillip, in the 11th or 12th century who decided one day that he was so bored with his dreary life at home with his wife he thought, ""Well, wouldn't it be great if we hit the road and fought... oh... the Saracens."" So he put the word out and was amazed when a million men signed up and all of them wanted to go and fight in distant lands and do terrible things to people rather than stay at home with their families." So you're saying that Ulysses-- everything he said to his queen when he came back--everything was a lie? He just wanted to fuck around? +So you're saying that Ulysses-- everything he said to his queen when he came back--everything was a lie? He just wanted to fuck around? Yes. +Yes. Mmm. +And how have you been feeling about your... work lately? Uneasy. Dispassionate. Bored. It's just getting hard to go to work in a good mood. I'm starting to think I've been in the business too long. Last week I did a guy younger than me. +Anyway, that never use to happen. I was always the prodigy. Now I'm just one of the guys. Maybe some of the discomfort you're feeling is... guilt. Remorse. Over the innocent people you've killed. +Maybe some of the discomfort you're feeling is... guilt. Remorse. Over the innocent people you've killed. If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there. I don't care about that stuff, anyway. +If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there. I don't care about that stuff, anyway. What stuff? +What stuff? Morality. +Go to your reunion, Martin. See those people and discover what they mean to you. Try not to kill anybody for a few days, see how you feel. If I get antsy I'll kill a few small animals. +What else? Say more. Saw my mom... I'm with Debi, and I'm on my way to the reunion. +Okay. Repeat this after me. Out Loud? +...I am at home with the me. I am rooted in me, who is on this adventure. Take a deep breath and realize, that this is me breathing. +Take a deep breath and realize, that this is me breathing. This is me breating. +How was your day, today, sir? Effective. But to tell you the truth, I've lost my passion for work. +Effective. But to tell you the truth, I've lost my passion for work. Do you like the people you work with? +Do you like the people you work with? I work alone. +I work alone. "That's it then. That's it. I've always been alone. That's why I'm a good driver. I can handle it. See, I can think on my feet. I survive, I'm a thinker. And I can sit there in front of your house for two hours and it don't bother me. Some people can't do it! Some people are ranting and raving, ""Tell them fuckin' people to get out here and get in this car, I can't-- I want a go!"" Where you gonna go? You're gonna wind up back in your garage at seven o'clock at night. You ain't going nowhere. You leave your house in the morning you get back to your house in the evening. What's the big deal, right?" +"That's it then. That's it. I've always been alone. That's why I'm a good driver. I can handle it. See, I can think on my feet. I survive, I'm a thinker. And I can sit there in front of your house for two hours and it don't bother me. Some people can't do it! Some people are ranting and raving, ""Tell them fuckin' people to get out here and get in this car, I can't-- I want a go!"" Where you gonna go? You're gonna wind up back in your garage at seven o'clock at night. You ain't going nowhere. You leave your house in the morning you get back to your house in the evening. What's the big deal, right?" You understand the psychology of the job. +You understand the psychology of the job. I do. Some guys can't adjust to it; they can't handle it. +You look like you're far away. Far away and thinking about other things. I'm right about that, aren't I? No. +No. Well, let's just say that sometimes I'm right. Sometimes you are. +Well, let's just say that sometimes I'm right. Sometimes you are. Sometimes I am. Sometimes. It's only natural. +Sometimes I am. Sometimes. It's only natural. It's only natural.... +I been looking at you, and I've decided that I want to share something with you. Okay. +Okay. Because your problem is you're bored. And you have a very big mind. I am part of what I call a brain syndicate. +I am part of a network of minds, a group of five people who are all connected, over hundreds, even thousands of miles, through the mind. We can think with each other, think for each other. I can be driving somewhere, sleeping with a woman-- whatever it is-- and at the same time be thinking a thought in someone else's mind, far away. Running someone else's brain. Up on the right. +Up on the right. And when you think of it, it's not so surprising that a small group of people control the whole world, is it? +What do you want? I'm setting up a concern that would enable those of us in our rarefied profession to consolidate our efforts. +I'm setting up a concern that would enable those of us in our rarefied profession to consolidate our efforts. Like a union? +Like a union? Like a club. Work less, make more. +Like a club. Work less, make more. Thank you, no. +Thank you, no. We could be working together, making big money, killing important people... I'm willing to let you in on the ground floor. +We could be working together, making big money, killing important people... I'm willing to let you in on the ground floor. And you could be... sort of like... a father figure to me.... +It's a free-market evolution. You'll wake up to it... c'mon Kid. We used to run together when you were a rookie. I don't want to run against you. This thing's real. Everybody's in. Not me. So don't paw at me with your dirty little guild. +Not me. So don't paw at me with your dirty little guild. I'm gonna get you, kid. +I want two eggs poached, hash brown well-done. English muffin for the bread. And a coffee. Whole-grain pancakes. And an egg- white omelette. +Come on, live a little. I'm sorry about the incident yesterday. No harm no foul. +No harm no foul. A little misunderstanding among my associates. +I told them to kill you and they didn't. Hard to get good help these days. +Hard to get good help these days. But since we're both here, I think it's time to take a fresh look at our relationship. +But since we're both here, I think it's time to take a fresh look at our relationship. "I didn't get into this business to have ""associates."" And I don't want to join your Goddamned union. ""Loner-- "" ""Loner gunman."" Get it? ""On my own."" That's the whole point. Why don't you become a cop, or something. You can drink coffee in the morning... with friends!" +No deal. Fine. But we're not going to let you do your job. Because we're gonna do it. And then, after we do your job, we're gonna do another little job... +Fine. But we're not going to let you do your job. Because we're gonna do it. And then, after we do your job, we're gonna do another little job... Is that right? +Is that right? Yeah-- after I shoot you through the fucking forehead I'm gonna fuck you in the bullethole. +Yeah-- after I shoot you through the fucking forehead I'm gonna fuck you in the bullethole. Nice talk, Sugarmouth. +It's okay. It's Martin The door begins to open revealing Debi and Newberry. I know what I do isn't moral, per se, but if you could just look past that, you'd see a man worth loving. +I know what I do isn't moral, per se, but if you could just look past that, you'd see a man worth loving. Don't listen to him, he's a professional. +...How about I sell you two rounds for a hundred grand a piece? Okay. +There you go. I left it blank. Excellent. Here they come. +Hey, Ken. How have you been? Hello Martin. How have you been? +Hello Martin. How have you been? Not bad. You? +Hello, Bob. Hey, Bob. +I'm an attorney. I'm with Moss, Brice & Fromeyer. That sounds pretty interesting... +Sometimes. I'm in divorce, mainly. Some property. Some personal injury. Those all seem kind of related... +Well... I have to take this over to Debi. Here. Take my card. Wait a minute... here's a special one. For top-shelf clients. +Have you seen Debi Newberry? Nope. +The more things change, the more they Goddamned well stay the same. I guess. +You always say that. You always say that. I'm telling you, you never met the man. Seventeen months ago I was posting a walk in Lisbon, and he was there. He never saw me. But I saw him, though. +Seventeen months ago I was posting a walk in Lisbon, and he was there. He never saw me. But I saw him, though. Lisbon? +Lisbon? In Portugal, yes. +Here's the news: He hasn't been in Portugal since '90. I know that from the file. Why don't you read the file, man? In fact, I think I talked with him, in Bonn. +Well? I don't think so. +I don't think so. Well, remember when Frysal's men paid off the Deejay in Cairo to announce a bogus press conference in the -- +Well, remember when Frysal's men paid off the Deejay in Cairo to announce a bogus press conference in the -- --Nooo-- +--Nooo-- --Yes. And the Munich Olympics in '72. A local radio station started broadcasting news of the massacre two minutes before it happened. +That's strictly Bàader-Meinhof stuff. It was the PLO. +It was the PLO. Whatever. +I wish he'd do his job already so we could do our job. We can't do our job unless he does his job. +We can't do our job unless he does his job. Why don't we just do his job then, so we can do our job, and get the fuck out of here. +Why don't we just do his job then, so we can do our job, and get the fuck out of here. Do his job? I'm not a cold-blooded killer. +Do his job? I'm not a cold-blooded killer. Wait a minute-- +Wait a minute-- -Look. You want to kill a Good Guy, but not be a Bad Guy, you wait until a Bad Guy kills the Good Guy, and then you come in and kill the Bad Guy, and then you're the Good Guy. +-Look. You want to kill a Good Guy, but not be a Bad Guy, you wait until a Bad Guy kills the Good Guy, and then you come in and kill the Bad Guy, and then you're the Good Guy. So if we do his job, we're the bad guys. If we do our job, we're the good guys. +So if we do his job, we're the bad guys. If we do our job, we're the good guys. Yup. +He's falling for her. Look at him. He using her. +He using her. You're wrong. Look at his face. +You're wrong. Look at his face. One cannot love and kill. +One cannot love and kill. I love. I kill. +Looks like someone keeps trying to do our job for us. If he does our job, he's our job. +If he does our job, he's our job. I get it. +Did you see Blank in there? No... +No... Good. For a second there I thought we were in trouble. +...Tell them that's not my problem. I was paid for one job-- the cyclist-- not two. See you tomorrow, Marcella. Wait. I have Mr. Grocer for you. +Wait. I have Mr. Grocer for you. Patch him through.... +Throw that away. This? +This? Don't tease me. You know what I do for a living. +Don't tease me. You know what I do for a living. It's from one of those P.O. Boxes. How was the trip? +It's from one of those P.O. Boxes. How was the trip? Tedious. I now authorize you to throw away all personal mail. +Tedious. I now authorize you to throw away all personal mail. All of it? +All of it? And not show it to me. Ever again. +And not show it to me. Ever again. That's going to cost. +That's going to cost. I'll pay. +They're not happy, sir. I'm not happy. +I'm not happy. They say their friend was suppose to have a heart attack and die in his sleep. +They say their friend was suppose to have a heart attack and die in his sleep. He didn't. +He didn't. They blame you for the compromise. +They blame you for the compromise. And they want me to make up for it. +And they want me to make up for it. In Detroit. This weekend. +In Detroit. This weekend. Tell them that's impossible. I need my normal lead time. +Tell them that's impossible. I need my normal lead time. They were very upset. +They were very upset. Would you describe their position as inflexible? +Would you describe their position as inflexible? Intractable, sir. You leave tonight. +And sir, I also get that broken- mirror, black-cat, Friday-the- thirteenth kind of feeling about this one.... There's nothing to be done about it. +There's nothing to be done about it. I liquidated the last account in Zurich, and split it into two new ones in Estonia. +I liquidated the last account in Zurich, and split it into two new ones in Estonia. Good. What else? Anything interesting? +Good. What else? Anything interesting? Mmm, not really. But you're gonna love this one. +Enough? Never enough. +Never enough. But it's a Greenpeace boat. It'd be so easy. +I have scruples. Next. Paperwork on the Detroit thing. It's a full dossier. Very comprehensive. +Don't forget your identity. See you next week. +This is not good. I'll do it tomorrow. +What's it look like? It's fine. +It's fine. You haven't looked at the dossier. +You haven't looked at the dossier. I've looked at it. +You have. Yes. It's the same as usual. Nothing remarkable about it at all. +Yes. It's the same as usual. Nothing remarkable about it at all. I have to call the client and give them a reason why you're late. +I have to call the client and give them a reason why you're late. Tell them my house exploded. +I'll call them and tell them you're taking your time. Being a professional. Okay, call them. Fine. Oh-- And if you could find out why they double- booked the job, and who is trying to kill me, and call me back-- that's be great. +Okay, call them. Fine. Oh-- And if you could find out why they double- booked the job, and who is trying to kill me, and call me back-- that's be great. Will do. +I bought a new rug. That's wonderful, Mom. +That's wonderful, Mom. What's a revival tent? +What's a revival tent? It's a place where religious people-- +It's a place where religious people-- Marlin Perkins and Jim! +Marlin Perkins and Jim! Jim? +Jim? His assistant. He acted like Marlin's son, only he wasn't. At least they never said he was... I bet they were lovers, faggots. Yes, gay lovers. Wild Kingdom my ass! +It's good to see you. I'm sure you're curious about what I've been doing. I spoke to your father the other day. +I spoke to your father the other day. I imagine that'd be rather difficult. +I imagine that'd be rather difficult. Nature made him then broke the mold. +They told me you're taking lithium, mom. Yes, they give me headaches. I have a headache. +Yes, they give me headaches. I have a headache. You have a headache? +You have a headache? I have a headache. You have a headache? +I have a headache. You have a headache? No, I don't have one. +No, I don't have one. You don't have a headache. I have a headache. +We had a good laugh, didn't we? Yeah. I guess we did. +Why don't you return this car and borrow mine? Have Debi follow you to the rent-a-car so you can get a ride back. I think I'll go see Debi today. +I think I'll go see Debi today. Of course you will. +Of course you will. I can't think of anything to say to her that seems appropriate given I left and never said goodbye to her. +I can't think of anything to say to her that seems appropriate given I left and never said goodbye to her. Take care of her. She's a keeper. +Take care of her. She's a keeper. Yeah... +Yeah... And a leader. Didn't she meet Castro on foreign exchange? +And a leader. Didn't she meet Castro on foreign exchange? I have always thought about her and missed her. +Marty! It's me. Paul. Paul? +Paul? You're leaving me hanging here... +So what happened to you? Same thing that happened to you-- I stopped poutin' there on the sidelines. Got in. Got on the team. I joined the working week, you slick fucking asshole, so why don't you valet park your high horse and take it easy on your old buddy, Paul. +Same thing that happened to you-- I stopped poutin' there on the sidelines. Got in. Got on the team. I joined the working week, you slick fucking asshole, so why don't you valet park your high horse and take it easy on your old buddy, Paul. Fair enough. +God it's great to see you. You too. +Debi's house. Kind of crept up on you, didn't it? +Kind of crept up on you, didn't it? No. You drove us here. +No. You drove us here. Yeah, but it's still kind of eerie, isn't it? +Yeah, but it's still kind of eerie, isn't it? No. +Ten years. What happened!? I freaked out, joined the Army, worked for the government, and went into business for myself... I'm a professional killer. +I freaked out, joined the Army, worked for the government, and went into business for myself... I'm a professional killer. Thank you. +He sells BMW's? He sold me this bad boy. +He sold me this bad boy. How could you put your hard-earned dollars into the hands of the class bully? +How could you put your hard-earned dollars into the hands of the class bully? He gave me a great deal. +He gave me a great deal. Mein Dealer. +What the hell happened to you? I was catching up with Bob Destephano. +I was catching up with Bob Destephano. As long as you had a good time. +It didn't work out. That's too bad. +That's too bad. I have to get my head back into my work. +I have to get my head back into my work. Work's good for the soul. +When you see Debi, tell her I'm sorry. See you in ten years. +So when are you authorized to use deadly force? Well, a 'course, taxes provide your basic service-- police and whatnot. But our customers need a little more than just that, you understand? This badge doesn't mean that I am a peace officer. +So it's not a meaningful symbol, or anything. That badge is just the badge of your company. If I look suspicious on your customers' property-- well, under those heightened circumstances you have the authority to, ah... To shoot me. To shoot you. Correct. +To shoot you. Correct. How did you get this job? +How did you get this job? Well, they were hiring, and it was only a two week course... +Well, they were hiring, and it was only a two week course... Wow. +Good evening, Mr. Newberry. Good evening, Mr. Blank. +Good evening, Mr. Blank. How are you? How's business? +How are you? How's business? Martin, I don't know where you've been since you abandoned my daughter ten years ago, and I don't care. It was good that you left, and I'm glad you did. So what do you want to talk about? You've grown up a bit. Maybe I had you figured wrong. +Martin, I don't know where you've been since you abandoned my daughter ten years ago, and I don't care. It was good that you left, and I'm glad you did. So what do you want to talk about? You've grown up a bit. Maybe I had you figured wrong. How's that? +How's that? I visualized you, in a haze, as one of the slackster, flannel-wearing, coffeehouse-misanthropes I've been seeing in Newsweek. +I visualized you, in a haze, as one of the slackster, flannel-wearing, coffeehouse-misanthropes I've been seeing in Newsweek. I took the other road. I'm more of a self-reflective young lion who does business with lead-pipe cruelty and goes home to drink light beer in milky-eyes isolation. I love sports and sex and have no real relationships with anyone. And you? +I took the other road. I'm more of a self-reflective young lion who does business with lead-pipe cruelty and goes home to drink light beer in milky-eyes isolation. I love sports and sex and have no real relationships with anyone. And you? Oh, you know me, Martin. I'm the same old sell-out baby-boomer, exploiting the oppressed I got shot for at Kent State. But why don't we have a drink and forget the whole thing? +Why not? So what are you doing with your life now, son? +So what are you doing with your life now, son? I'm a professional killer. +I'm a professional killer. That's good. +This is Annie MacLean. Yeah. Hello. This is Tom Booker. I got a message you called. +I went on the Internet and found this article about you... It says you're a Horse Whisperer, that you... you help people with horse problems. And you have quite a success rate when it comes to traumatized -- Well, see, truth is, ma'am, I help horses with people's problems. +Well, see, truth is, ma'am, I help horses with people's problems. Well, you know, however you want to put it -- I got your information from the publisher of the article. I called Montana and your sister-in-law, I think, gave me this number. I'm been hot on your trail you could say because I was hoping you'd consider coming to New York and taking a look at my daughter's horse and possibly -- +Well, you know, however you want to put it -- I got your information from the publisher of the article. I called Montana and your sister-in-law, I think, gave me this number. I'm been hot on your trail you could say because I was hoping you'd consider coming to New York and taking a look at my daughter's horse and possibly -- Ma'am, I'm very sorry about your problems and I appreciate what your daughter must be going through, but I'm afraid you've misunderstood whatever it is you read. I don't do that sort of thing. +Ma'am, I'm very sorry about your problems and I appreciate what your daughter must be going through, but I'm afraid you've misunderstood whatever it is you read. I don't do that sort of thing. Well, if you could just come for the day. New York's only a few hours by plane, I'd have you home by dinner... +Well, if you could just come for the day. New York's only a few hours by plane, I'd have you home by dinner... Look, even if it was nearer, that's just not what I do. I give clinics. And I'm not even doing them for a while. I'm heading back to Montana right now. I got a ranch to take care of... +Look, even if it was nearer, that's just not what I do. I give clinics. And I'm not even doing them for a while. I'm heading back to Montana right now. I got a ranch to take care of... I'll pay you for your fare. I'll send you to Montana first class. +I'll pay you for your fare. I'll send you to Montana first class. Ma'am, first class to Montana is a waste of good money. Now, am I being too polite here or when I say NO in Utah, does that mean YES in New York City? +I, I don't mean to sound insensitive. I understand your situation. But there's nothing I can do. You just called the wrong person, that's all. I hear there are a bunch of therapists in New York. Maybe you should call one of them. Mr. Booker, if I could just ex -- +Mr. Booker, if I could just ex -- I am very sorry, ma'am. Goodbye now. +It's, uh... beautiful country. I had a little bit of a hard time finding the place. There are no signs. Plenty of signs -- just none of them printed. Who do I get the idea you're not just passing through! +Plenty of signs -- just none of them printed. Who do I get the idea you're not just passing through! Well... OK... here it is... Uh... I'd like you to take a look at my horse. Now -- it won't take long and if, after that, you still don't feel... +Well... OK... here it is... Uh... I'd like you to take a look at my horse. Now -- it won't take long and if, after that, you still don't feel... Were you thinking of personally driving me back East? +Were you thinking of personally driving me back East? Oh no. She's here. I brought him along. And my daughter, too. We're staying at Peterson's... +Oh no. She's here. I brought him along. And my daughter, too. We're staying at Peterson's... You mean you hauled him all the way out here? Just like that? +You mean you hauled him all the way out here? Just like that? Well... yes... I had a trailer. It's not like I made him run along side of the car. +Well... yes... I had a trailer. It's not like I made him run along side of the car. All by yourself? +I uh... ha, ha... I don't think I ever met a lady quite like yourself and I appreciate all the pains you've gone through to -- "Look! Please! Don't do the ""shucks, ma'am"" thing again! I've driven a few thousand miles for a few minutes of your time. I've brought him here -- to your neck of the... -- mountains. Just take a look at him. If you still feel the same way, I'll be on the road by morning and you'll never see me again. OK? Deal?" +Uh, no. I was gonna take a look now. You want us to come with you? I just have to run to the main house and give Mr. Peterson a check. +You want us to come with you? I just have to run to the main house and give Mr. Peterson a check. Doesn't matter. +Doesn't matter. Grace?... Grace, you want to come with us, take a look at Pilgrim? +When I work with a horse, it's no good just me doing it. It doesn't work that way. The owner needs to be involved too. Well, that'll be a little complicated -- +Well, that'll be a little complicated -- You can make it as complicated or as easy as you like. But she's the one who's gonna be riding him, am I right? So here's the deal. I'm not sure I can do anything, but I'm prepared to give it a go -- -- if you'll help. You have a problem with that? +Look, I'll talk to Grace and call you later-- Excuse me, with all due respect, but this is her decision, not yours. And I don't want to waste anybody's time -- mostly mine. +I don't have a problem with that. It's up to Annie. Well, it's worth it, really? I mean, how much longer do you think you need to work with Pilgrim? +Well, it's worth it, really? I mean, how much longer do you think you need to work with Pilgrim? That's up to Pilgrim. +You know, we're branding here tomorrow. If you two want to come by to watch or give a hand, you're welcome. Branding? I haven't branded in years. +You okay? It is cocktail hour yet? +So how was your first and last day of branding? Don't be so sure it's my last. There are a few people back home I'd like to put under a red hot iron. +What? You ever just stand still for a minute? +You ever just stand still for a minute? You stand still too long in New York you get hit by a bicycle messenger. You know, sometimes, I get the feeling, Mr. Booker, that you're laughing at me. Why is that? +That's your cue to say you're not laughing at me. Oh, I see, you write both sides of the conversation? +Oh, I see, you write both sides of the conversation? It's a man's world, Mr. Booker. Most women have to. +It's a man's world, Mr. Booker. Most women have to. Well, maybe I am laughing a bit... I just thought, as long as you're here, it would be nice for you to relax into the place a little. +Well, maybe I am laughing a bit... I just thought, as long as you're here, it would be nice for you to relax into the place a little. Well... It's beautiful country, I'll give you that. And I could see having some kind of vacation place. Retreat. But I don't know how you do it full time. Don't you miss the rest of the world? +Well... It's beautiful country, I'll give you that. And I could see having some kind of vacation place. Retreat. But I don't know how you do it full time. Don't you miss the rest of the world? What's that to miss? +What's that to miss? Ha... if you've never lived in a city with museums, theater, music, restaurants, uh... god, a million things, then it's something I can't explain. +Ha... if you've never lived in a city with museums, theater, music, restaurants, uh... god, a million things, then it's something I can't explain. Does Chicago count? +Does Chicago count? You lived in Chicago? +You lived in Chicago? When I was first married. +When I was first married. You were married to a woman in Chicago? +I once heard Itzhak Perlman guest star with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. He played Rachmaninov's Vocalize Opus 34. No. 14. It was one of the most beautiful pieces of music I ever heard. I actually forgot where I was for a time. You seem surprised? Well, I, uh... you didn't... +Well, I, uh... you didn't... Just who's been laughing at who here? +I've decided it's impossible to properly say hello in this place without a hat. A jogger, huh? +A jogger, huh? I don't jog, Mr. Booker. I run. +I don't jog, Mr. Booker. I run. Lucky for you. The grizzlies around here only go for joggers. +Lucky for you. The grizzlies around here only go for joggers. If I can survive rush hour, I figure I can handle grizzlies... +If I can survive rush hour, I figure I can handle grizzlies... You sleeping all right in that house? +You sleeping all right in that house? I don't sleep all right anywhere. But the house is fine. +I found this old cello case filled with bills and receipts. Sorry about that. I thought everything got cleared out. R.B. is my wife... ex-wife... Rachel. We used to live in that house together. +Sorry about that. I thought everything got cleared out. R.B. is my wife... ex-wife... Rachel. We used to live in that house together. I thought you lived in Chicago? +I thought you lived in Chicago? I thought you were an editor, not a reporter? +I have a way with animals. It's all right. He's young. Just hold out your hand a little lower so he can get the smell of you. +It's all right. He's young. Just hold out your hand a little lower so he can get the smell of you. Oh yes. I forgot. +He's beautiful. Why don't you ride anymore? Grace told me you used to ride when she was younger. +Why don't you ride anymore? Grace told me you used to ride when she was younger. She did? +Are you shy, Mr. Booker? Just polite. Well, maybe you'd like to try riding again, some time before you go home. +Enjoy the day. You too. +Shit. Need a lift? +Need a lift? I can handle it! +The answer's no. You haven't heard the question yet. Truth is, you'd be doing me a favor. I got all these eager young colts need riding and poor old Rimrock here is feeling kind of left out... +You haven't heard the question yet. Truth is, you'd be doing me a favor. I got all these eager young colts need riding and poor old Rimrock here is feeling kind of left out... Poor thing. +Poor thing. He'd be grateful, he'd take real good care with you. +He'd be grateful, he'd take real good care with you. Is this how you're going to make me pay my phone bill? +Is this how you're going to make me pay my phone bill? No, ma'am, I'm afraid that's extra. +Relax our center... It's just sitting in a bucket. Yeah, it's been a while, but I... I remember the basic ideas... +Yeah, it's been a while, but I... I remember the basic ideas... OK. I'll stop talking then. +Actually, I never rode Western. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Well, he don't know that. Just sit the horse. Good... You have a nice seat. +Well, he don't know that. Just sit the horse. Good... You have a nice seat. Thanks. +Thanks. Feel good? +Feel good? Yeah. +Yeah. You look all right. You want to pick it up a little? +You look all right. You want to pick it up a little? OK. +How long did you live here with your wife? Five years. My son was born here. +Five years. My son was born here. Son? +Son? Yeah. I haven't seen him in a while. He used to come to the ranch over summers, but then he started having friends and was going off to college, so... Good boy. Hal. Lives in New York near his mom. +Yeah. I haven't seen him in a while. He used to come to the ranch over summers, but then he started having friends and was going off to college, so... Good boy. Hal. Lives in New York near his mom. How did you meet her? +How did you meet her? College. In Illinois. She was playing the cello. I hadn't heard cello music growing up. She had the reddest hair, the bluest eyes. When she played, it was... +Why didn't it work out? She was never really happy here. She did the best she could. +Grace told me you have a country house in Connecticut. Sounds like a beautiful place. It is. It's lovely. +It is. It's lovely. Ever think of moving there full time? +Ever think of moving there full time? We did at one point. When we thought we'd have more children. And we after tried. We tried everything, but... wasn't meant to be. +I hear that! See, I knew she was never going to be a ranchest, but I wanted to try -- I thought maybe she'd give music lessons to the kids in town or at the school, maybe even recitals. My son would grow up here. Maybe have one or two more. I'd teach 'em what I could. They'd play with my brother's kids. All grow up together. And even if they all decided to go out into the world, they'd always know where home was -- cause we'd keep it for 'em... That's very important to you, isn't it? Home. +That's very important to you, isn't it? Home. Yeah, I think it is. And I don't mean everybody's got to be married, have kids -- It's more like, knowing where you're from, where you belong, what feeds you, where you can go no matter what happens... Knowing what you're supposed to be doing while you're here. +Yeah, I think it is. And I don't mean everybody's got to be married, have kids -- It's more like, knowing where you're from, where you belong, what feeds you, where you can go no matter what happens... Knowing what you're supposed to be doing while you're here. How did you find out all that? +Everything under control? Not really. I'd forgotten how long it's been since I've done this. And I couldn't get any Parmesan cheese. +Not really. I'd forgotten how long it's been since I've done this. And I couldn't get any Parmesan cheese. Just make yourself comfortable. +Just make yourself comfortable. I am comfortable. +I am comfortable. Ha, ha... all right, well, uh I guess you can bring out the pasta. +You missed a button. Huh? +This is Mr. Booker, Robert. Tom. +Now, listen. I want you to stand on him. What?! +I won't apologize for this. And I won't hide it. Not for anybody. I won't ask you to. +Oh, God, what are we going to do? I'm supposed to -- Ssshhh... Stand still, Annie. Takes what we've got, just for now. Can you do that? +Show me again. Annie! +Annie! One more time. +Summers are short here, Annie. There isn't much of a fall. Before you know it, the roads are closed... the nights get long. I don't care! We'd be together. +I don't care! We'd be together. Two people can't just be alone together in the world. At least not us... +Two people can't just be alone together in the world. At least not us... I can't do this. I can't leave you... +I figured, whenever you decided to go, you'd be all set. How thoughtful of you. And what if I decide not to go? +I don't know any other way, Annie. Why? +Then what have we been doing? I mean what was the point? The point was to love each other. +The point was to love each other. Why? +Liz is taking care of him. The doctor said the sooner you start therapy the better the chances are you can -- I can't even get out of bed yet! You're already putting me in therapy!! +Why don't you go lie down? I don't want to lie down. I've been lying down enough. +Dad'll pick you up today, all right? Okay. +Oh, honey... What happened? Doesn't matter. I... I don't want to come back, that's all. +Doesn't matter. I... I don't want to come back, that's all. Oh. Well, what are you going to do? You have to go to school, honey. I mean, what -- +Oh. Well, what are you going to do? You have to go to school, honey. I mean, what -- I'm not coming back! That's it! I want to go home! +I'm not coming back! That's it! I want to go home! Grace, listen to me. Your body is just healing. You have to give the rest of you time as well... +Grace, listen to me. Your body is just healing. You have to give the rest of you time as well... Is that your version of a pep talk? +Is that your version of a pep talk? You are not staying home all day feeling sorry for yourself. You're going to get up and you're going to figure this out. +You are not staying home all day feeling sorry for yourself. You're going to get up and you're going to figure this out. Fine! +Fine! It's still early. What's your next class? +I can't find that charm Daddy gave me from India. I brought it to you in the hospital. +I brought it to you in the hospital. No, you didn't. +No, you didn't. Grace, I put it on the table near your -- +Grace, I put it on the table near your -- Doesn't matter. +Have you decided about Pilgrim? What about him? +What about him? Well... how you feel all right about telling Liz to put him down... +Well... how you feel all right about telling Liz to put him down... I think we should. It's not fair to let him suffer. He's not much use anymore. He'd hate living like that. +I think we should. It's not fair to let him suffer. He's not much use anymore. He'd hate living like that. I think that's... very compassionate and... mature way of looking at it. +I think that's... very compassionate and... mature way of looking at it. Mom? +Mom? Yeah? +Yeah? Maybe they should put me down too. +Maybe they should put me down too. What? +What? I mean, I'm not much use anymore. Why can't they be compassionate to me? +You want to take your bath? We have to get up early tomorrow. You may not have enough time to -- Fine -- I'll take my bath. +No, I don't mean you have to. It's just that we may not have enough -- -- enough time tomorrow. I know. +-- enough time tomorrow. I know. Look, if you want to take it in the morning, that's fine. +Look, if you want to take it in the morning, that's fine. I don't care. +IT'S ALMOST LUNCHTIME. ARE YOU HUNGRY!? Whatever you want. +Whatever you want. Fine! +Fine! Fine. +You should call your dad before it gets too late. I already did. This morning. When you went running. +I already did. This morning. When you went running. Oh. You didn't tell me. +Oh. You didn't tell me. I didn't know I had to. +I didn't know I had to. You don't. +Would you like to see that? I don't care. +I don't care. I don't care. +This'll be nice. We haven't seen any of the sights yet. It's history. When I was thirteen I used to love seeing things like this. You were never thirteen, Mom. +How long is this going to go on? What? +What? You know what I mean? Is this it now? Is this the way we're going to be from now on? +Do you want us to turn around and go back home? Do you? What are you asking me for? You didn't ask me if I wanted to come in the first place -- now I get to decide? Forget it! +Who do you think I'm doing this for? I'm doing this for you! Bullshit! It's about you! About you deciding! About you always being right! You always getting everything your way, controlling everybody -- like we work for you or something! +Bullshit! It's about you! About you deciding! About you always being right! You always getting everything your way, controlling everybody -- like we work for you or something! I don't believe this! +I don't believe this! You just want to get away from Daddy and you're using me to do it! +You just want to get away from Daddy and you're using me to do it! That's not true! Whatever problems your father and I are having, have nothing to do with this. +That's not true! Whatever problems your father and I are having, have nothing to do with this. You're amazing! You act like I don't live in that house! Don't you think I hear the two of you!? Don't you think I can tell what's going on? I'm not five years old, Mom! You want to divorce Daddy and Daddy doesn't want to. +You're amazing! You act like I don't live in that house! Don't you think I hear the two of you!? Don't you think I can tell what's going on? I'm not five years old, Mom! You want to divorce Daddy and Daddy doesn't want to. Did he tell you that? +Did he tell you that? He doesn't have to! It's, like, so obvious you can't stand him. +He doesn't have to! It's, like, so obvious you can't stand him. That's not true! +That's not true! Then why do you want to leave? +Then why do you want to leave? It's... it's not that simple to explain. I know you think it is, but it's not. The truth is, I don't really know what I want to do. I don't have all the answers. +It's... it's not that simple to explain. I know you think it is, but it's not. The truth is, I don't really know what I want to do. I don't have all the answers. No, you just act like you do. +You buckled up? You cold? Little. +Gee, this looks like a fun place. Don't they believe in signs here? +Don't they believe in signs here? "What would they say? ""Ten miles to big rock."" ""Twenty miles to bigger rock.""" +"What would they say? ""Ten miles to big rock."" ""Twenty miles to bigger rock.""" There was supposed to be a turn off. Did I miss it? +There was supposed to be a turn off. Did I miss it? I didn't see it. +He's still sitting in that damn field. I think they call it a pasture. +We'll have more room because we're moving onto the ranch. They have this empty house near this creek. It's actually pretty... OK... I love you. Dad wants to talk to you. Hi. +Did you ask him to come visit? You already did. +You already did. Did he mention it? +Did he mention it? Yeah, he's going to think about it. You want me to pack for you? +You got everything you need? If I had everything I need, I wouldn't be going to physical therapy. +Honey, come on. Would you like to stay in town for dinner? Maybe see what movie's playing tonight? Why? There's no food in the house? +Why? There's no food in the house? No. I just thought... forget it. +I'll come. Uh, I don't, honey. Branding? Oooh... I think we'd just be in Mr. Booker's way. +I thought there were too many forks on the table. Well, one was for salad... +Well, one was for salad... Mom, they don't mind eating with one fork. +Mom, they don't mind eating with one fork. You're right. Good. +Does anybody out there want something to drink? I'll take care of it. +I'll take care of it. Thanks, honey. +Nothing. Did you go riding? +Grace? Is everything all right? Can we talk? About what? +About what? Well... So you tried riding again? +Well... So you tried riding again? Yeah. Does that mean I'm cured?! +Yeah. Does that mean I'm cured?! Honey, nobody's trying to cure you -- +Honey, nobody's trying to cure you -- ... You worried everything all right now and we'll have to go home? +... You worried everything all right now and we'll have to go home? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? You... not wanting to go home because you hate daddy so much. +You... not wanting to go home because you hate daddy so much. Grace, I don't hate your father. +Grace, I don't hate your father. I can't remember the last time you made him dinner. +I can't remember the last time you made him dinner. I was just trying to say thank you to Diane and Frank and -- +I was just trying to say thank you to Diane and Frank and -- Tom? +Look, I just wanted to say, I think it's great you're riding again. And... and I think I know why you, you needed to do it alone... without anyone knowing... Yeah, you know everything!! +Yeah, you know everything!! STOP IT! Why can't I talk to you!! +STOP IT! Why can't I talk to you!! NO, YOU STOP IT! Stop pretending like you care! Like this really isn't about you and Tom. +NO, YOU STOP IT! Stop pretending like you care! Like this really isn't about you and Tom. WHAT?! How can you -- I'm sorry if my friendship with Tom bothers you so much, but I happen to value having someone to talk to, especially when my own daughter ignores me night and day because no matter what I say, it's wrong and no matter what I do, it's wrong... I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you. +WHAT?! How can you -- I'm sorry if my friendship with Tom bothers you so much, but I happen to value having someone to talk to, especially when my own daughter ignores me night and day because no matter what I say, it's wrong and no matter what I do, it's wrong... I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you. Well, now you know what it feels like. +I don't deserve that. I have never looked at you as a disappointment. If I'm on your back to do better, if I push you to try harder it's because I want you to be the best you can be. FOR YOU! Because I'm your daughter which means you're the best mother! Isn't that what you're always talking about in interviews -- having it all, the great career, the great family... Proving everybody wrong. Wanting everybody to think you're this perfect woman! +Listen, if... if there's a part of you as parent that... that takes pride in your child -- that, you can look at them and see something you've accomplished as well... if that's wrong, then I'm sorry. But it wasn't my intention. I don't push for me. I do it for you... So you don't waste half your life feeling like you don't know where you belong. Yeah, well, you've done a great job. +Well, then I do apologize... But what I'm most sorry for is turning you into a spoiled brat who can only think about what she's feeling... who can't admit when she's wrong and who can't forgive when she's not. LEAVE ME ALONE!! +What did you say? I said... I started. +Started what? My period. +My period. When? Tonight? +When? Tonight? I felt it happen downstairs and when I went into the bathroom. +Who's going to want me now? What?... Oh baby... +What?... Oh baby... Who's ever going to want me? Nobody will. +Who's ever going to want me? Nobody will. That's not true. +That's not true. Why should they? +Why should they? Because you are... one of the most... incredible, bravest, most beautiful woman I have ever met. The efforts you make. Your courage and your dignity. I don't know where you got it? I honestly don't know how I would have handled all this if I were you. +I'm sorry... about what I said. It's just that -- all those times you and Daddy were trying for another kid, I... I used to pray at night that it would work. And not because of you guys or that I wanted a brother or sister... but... just so I wouldn't have to be... What? +What? So special. Because I was the only one. You both wanted me to be so good at everything, so perfect and I wasn't. I was just me. And now I've completely ruined everything, anyway... +Who is it? Uh, nothing. I'm going to pick it up in the other room -- would you hang this up for me? +Uh, nothing. I'm going to pick it up in the other room -- would you hang this up for me? Sure. +Let's bring your bags inside. Wait till you see this -- we have the whole house to ourselves... +What's the matter, honey? Gonna miss Pilgrim? Tom's gone. +Smokey told me he left last night to look at some horses in Sheriden. He won't be back for three days. I can't believe he didn't want to say goodbye. Well... honey... you know... that's just not his way. Maybe you can write him a letter or something. Say thank you... Don't think about it... You take care and I'll see you home. +Oh, I miss you. You look beautiful. So do you. +So do you. How's everything? +How's everything? Good. +Good. Hi. +Great! Go ahead... +David? Who's there? +Who's there? Everyone. Working overtime. Just for you. +Everyone. Working overtime. Just for you. Did you speak to Farlow? +Did you speak to Farlow? Yes. We're suing. +Yes. We're suing. Is that absolutely necessary? It'll just make it a bigger story. +Is that absolutely necessary? It'll just make it a bigger story. David, he signed an agreement that he wouldn't talk to the press and he's libeled me by saying I faked the figures. You're not going soft on me, are you? +Well, I suppose we could use another good public feud... Exactly... +Oh, come on! This is such bullshit! The work is getting done, David. Lucky keeps me on top of everything. Lucy isn't you. We're losing something without you being here. Now, I know this is a rough time for you, but I think we should make another arrangement. +What the hell does that mean? How much more do I have to do to prove how important this magazine is to me? If this magazine is so important to you Annie, why are you in Montana? +Uh, yes... Sure, David. All right. Speak to you then. +It's me. Hi. +Hi. Hi. +So, what, uh, what train are you taking? I should be in by two. +I should be in by two. Okay. You want me to pick you up? +Okay. You want me to pick you up? Sure... What's Grace up to? +Sure... What's Grace up to? Riding with Judith. +I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have brought it up over the phone. That's okay. We have to talk about it and we're not always in the same place ... so... I just have to get used to it. What do you want to do about dinner? +That's okay. We have to talk about it and we're not always in the same place ... so... I just have to get used to it. What do you want to do about dinner? I don't know. We'll figure it out. +Okay. We'll see you later then. Yeah. Bye. +What about Grace? She was in pretty bad shape. They've done a C.A.T. Scan -- she has some hemorrhaging... +That bag's almost empty. No, it's got a little left. They'll be in to change it. +No, it's got a little left. They'll be in to change it. Robert, you leave it up these people...! +I'm sorry. Tch. What are you -- +What did he say? Nothing new. He's just going off duty. +I should go get some of her things. No, let me go. +No, let me go. No, I'll go. You stay... In case she wakes up. +I saw Judith's parents while you were at the apartment... I wanted to say something... But I... I was so relieved that Grace was still... that it wasn't our daughter. We're very lucky. +We're very lucky. The funeral's on Friday. +Oh, uh, I meant to tell you... Alex brought that fabric over... Okay. +Okay. It's on the table by the phone. I didn't know what to tell him... ... Whether or not we were... ... if we still we're thinking of redoing the couch. +... And uh... Mario called about moving the wisteria? Oh. Right. I'll call him. +"""... FRESH, WIND IN HER HAIR... LIFE WITHOUT CARE... SHE'S BROKE... BUT IT'S 'OK'..." Sing it to me, Frankie! +Sing it to me, Frankie! How's my pregnant chick! +You can hardly get your arms around me. How depressing. You're so early. I had to excuse myself from a meeting. It's ridiculous. I kept thinking about the baby... you... and, I swear, I was going to start bawling right into my briefs. +I had to excuse myself from a meeting. It's ridiculous. I kept thinking about the baby... you... and, I swear, I was going to start bawling right into my briefs. Aw... that's so sweet. +Aw... that's so sweet. I love you. +I love you. Do you? Do you really? +You've got to stop doing that? Doing what? +Doing what? Helping all the time! Running to her every time she trips or falls... Anticipating her all the time. +How was the dinner? "All our ""favorite"" people were there saying all their ""favorite"" things about their ""favorite"" subjects. I thought to myself, we've been friends with these people almost twenty years and nobody knows anybody. We're so afraid we won't like each other and have nobody go to dinners with." +"All our ""favorite"" people were there saying all their ""favorite"" things about their ""favorite"" subjects. I thought to myself, we've been friends with these people almost twenty years and nobody knows anybody. We're so afraid we won't like each other and have nobody go to dinners with." Why did you go? +Why did you go? They're still our friends, Annie. It's nothing serious. You kid about them all the time... And I could tell Paul really appreciated me being there. +Did you get a hold of that horse guy? Yeah. +Yeah. What did he say? +What did he say? No. +What was I saying? About us going someplace warm... Someplace Grace'll have to wear shorts or bathing suits or summer dresses... +I don't understand. You just said he said no. He did, but... I think I can change his mind. +He did, but... I think I can change his mind. That's the craziest thing I ever heard. Absolutely not. +That's the craziest thing I ever heard. Absolutely not. Robert, Grace isn't adjusting to school. And she can't sit in this apartment all day... I think it would be good for her. +Robert, Grace isn't adjusting to school. And she can't sit in this apartment all day... I think it would be good for her. NO! What are you -- you're serious about this? +NO! What are you -- you're serious about this? I've called Liz. They can set me up with a trailer for Pilgrim. I thought we'd stay at motels along the way... +I've called Liz. They can set me up with a trailer for Pilgrim. I thought we'd stay at motels along the way... You've already made arrangements!? +You've already made arrangements!? No. I was just researching. Calm down. +No. I was just researching. Calm down. I come home and you tell me we're going to drive a psychotic horse to Montana! I can't just pick up and leave... +I come home and you tell me we're going to drive a psychotic horse to Montana! I can't just pick up and leave... I'm not asking you to. I'll do it. +I'm not asking you to. I'll do it. You want to do this by yourself? How? You can't take care of Pilgrim all the -- +You want to do this by yourself? How? You can't take care of Pilgrim all the -- He'll be sedated. I know horses, Robert. I'm the one who taught Grace how to ride. +He'll be sedated. I know horses, Robert. I'm the one who taught Grace how to ride. What... Bo-... What about the magazine? +What... Bo-... What about the magazine? I'm in charge. I went back very soon after the accident. They didn't expect me for a couple of months. I'll just take that time now... I can still oversee things from Montana... Take my fax... My computer... +No. It's, uh... No, I really don't think it's a good idea Why?! +Why?! Her psychiatrist... said... she needs security now... stability... +Her psychiatrist... said... she needs security now... stability... I can't say he's been all that effective with her. +I can't say he's been all that effective with her. Are you a psychiatrist? He said it takes time. +Are you a psychiatrist? He said it takes time. I don't care what he says! We have to do something, Robert! I can't sit here and trust everything's going to work out just by pretending it will. +I don't care what he says! We have to do something, Robert! I can't sit here and trust everything's going to work out just by pretending it will. I'm not pretending anything! +I really wish I could understand why you think this is so necessary. Robert, we're losing her. We're losing her. I don't care what the doctors say. The truth is, they don't know anymore than we do -- less, when it comes to Grace... This may not sound sensible or... logical, but nobody's suggesting anything better. I can't explain it, Robert. I just have this feeling... this annoying... bloody feeling that if... if, somehow, Pilgrim can be made all right... then so can Grace. I just know it! +What if she doesn't want to go? She will if you think she should. +She will if you think she should. And you think it's best if I don't come. +And you think it's best if I don't come. No, that's not what I said. I'm not a dictator. If you feel you should come, then come. Just do whatever you think is right. +Yeah. She seems to be getting more comfortable on the ranch, which is why I said yes to this move. But, whenever it's just the two of us, I don't know... Anyway... what's happening with the Delco lawsuit? Taking forever. I just got an additional list of sixty-two employees to interview before Monday. I don't know how I'm going to do it. +Taking forever. I just got an additional list of sixty-two employees to interview before Monday. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Well, it's good that you're there. +So, how are you doing in Marlboro country? Is the magazine complaining at all? Yeah, but nothing I can't handle. Lucy tells me she thinks Gottchalks's plotting, but what else is new. +Yeah, but nothing I can't handle. Lucy tells me she thinks Gottchalks's plotting, but what else is new. When are you coming home? +When are you coming home? You know, I just asked that myself tonight. He doesn't know. +You know, I just asked that myself tonight. He doesn't know. Well then... maybe I will take some time... come visit. +Well then... maybe I will take some time... come visit. Okay. +I miss you, Annie. I know. We miss you too. +I know. We miss you too. Good night. +Good night. Night. +I thought you guys were going to call me. Oh, Robert, I'm sorry. We were so tired from the branding. Grace barely made it to her bed and I didn't have the energy to take my clothes off. +Oh, Robert, I'm sorry. We were so tired from the branding. Grace barely made it to her bed and I didn't have the energy to take my clothes off. Oh well... branding will do that to you. +Oh well... branding will do that to you. Everything all right. +Everything all right. Huh-huh. You? +Huh-huh. You? Fine. Actually, today was a good day. You should have seen her. +Fine. Actually, today was a good day. You should have seen her. I wish I did. +Well, uh the real reason I called, actually, was to tell you I saw Lucy at Jo-Jo's tonight and she seems very worried. About what? +About what? Apparently, Gottschalk's been seen around town lunching with some very prominent magazine editors. Lucy said she tried to call you, but no one answered so she faxed you the list of names. She said one of them have contracts up fairly soon. +Apparently, Gottschalk's been seen around town lunching with some very prominent magazine editors. Lucy said she tried to call you, but no one answered so she faxed you the list of names. She said one of them have contracts up fairly soon. Oh. I didn't look at my faxes today. We left before sunrise. +Oh. I didn't look at my faxes today. We left before sunrise. Honey, I hope you're not endangering your position. Listen, if you need to come back and you want me to come take over, for a while, I'll work it out. I mean, the firm's got other lawyers, but the magazine's got only one of you. +Small bed. Maybe I should sleep in the barn. You're allergic to hay. +You're allergic to hay. I apologize for the surprise, but the days only opened yesterday and I figured... +I apologize for the surprise, but the days only opened yesterday and I figured... You don't have to explain. You have every right to come. +You don't have to explain. You have every right to come. I can see why you put your faith in him. He's a genuine... good guy... Good at what he does. That's rare. +You were right about coming here. I'm sorry for not thinking... No, it's okay. Believe me, there were plenty of times I didn't know what the hell was right. +No, it's okay. Believe me, there were plenty of times I didn't know what the hell was right. How are you feeling about work? +How are you feeling about work? Let's not talk about that now. +Are you going to stay in the city or go up to Connecticut? Connecticut. I told the office I'd work out of there next week. When are you planning to start back? +Connecticut. I told the office I'd work out of there next week. When are you planning to start back? Probably first thing in the morning. It's too late to start now. I'm going to try not to do too much driving in the dark. +Probably first thing in the morning. It's too late to start now. I'm going to try not to do too much driving in the dark. May I have a suggestion? +May I have a suggestion? Yeah, what? +Yeah, what? Take your time. +Take your time. What do you mean? +I'll tell you something, Annie -- I stood there looking at what was happening to that horse... And, I swear, it felt like the same thing was happening to me. I don't understa- +I don't understa- And I have two choices. I can either fight the way things are, or accept them. See, I always knew I loved you more. Didn't bother me. I always felt lucky... a little amazed... that such a vibrant, beautiful woman would want to be with a man like me... And I guess I thought as long as I did everything right -- if I was the best husband I could be, the best father... even being a good lawyer only mattered to me because of what it meant for us... if I could do all that, it wouldn't make any difference if we loved each other the same or not... I wasn't asking for more. I told myself I didn't need more. But you don't know how you feel about me. You don't know... if you want a life with me anymore... And I don't want you to come home until you do know... ... one way or the other. +Yes? "Hi. Um, there doesn't seem to be any hotel room available and someone told me to come here and ask for ""Tubab"" who might to have a place for me to stay. Are you ""Tubab""?" +"Hi. Um, there doesn't seem to be any hotel room available and someone told me to come here and ask for ""Tubab"" who might to have a place for me to stay. Are you ""Tubab""?" "No. I am a ""tubab.""" +"No. I am a ""tubab.""" What do you mean? +What do you mean? Tubab means white man. +Was the trip okay? Mmm. I made good time. Pilgrim's in the back. I found a new stable, but they can't take him until tomorrow. +I have so much to tell you. You want to take a walk with me? +You want to take a walk with me? Where to? +Where to? I don't know. Let's just go and... we'll see... +You know, that's interesting. I always wondered when I went into a restaurant what was the difference between a regular steak or a Black Angus steak. I couldn't taste any difference although I could swear one was more tender. I didn't know there was that big a difference between cows... I've never been on a cow farm before. I must say, the bulls seem to have the best time of it. Just laying around the fields all day until they're asked to... do their... work. Well, get born a bull, got a ninety percent chance of getting castrated and served up as hamburger. On a balance I reckon I'd choose being a cow. Would you mind passing that salad young lady? +Nobody's using it. Silly for her to be driving back and forth when she don't know her way around that well... Oh, I don't know... +Oh, I don't know... Well, I know Peterson's. Old place is as good as falling down around your ears. +Well, did you ever think about hiring a business manager? We have a business manager. The best around. +I'll have another round of that spaghetti if may? Absolutely. I made enough for an army. +It's so cruel. No. He had the choice. +No. He had the choice. What choice!!? +What choice!!? Either fight the way things are or accept it. +There's coffee inside... I was just bringing this to Tom. Would you mind if I did? I'd like to talk to him. +Sure. Does your daughter want to come inside? Uh, no, we're going to dinner... Is this the way to the pasture? +Uh, no, we're going to dinner... Is this the way to the pasture? Pasture? Oh, that stretch of field near the hill? Yeah. +Mrs. MacLean -- why don't you and daughter stay for dinner? Oh uh, thank you. No, we don't want to impose. +Oh uh, thank you. No, we don't want to impose. No imposition. Plenty of food. Gonna get pretty dark soon. Hard to find a place. +How's Peterson's holding up for you? It's fine. Comfortable. I still can't get used to how dark it gets around here, though. When we leave the ranch, I always hold my breath until I can see the motel. +Where does this go, Diane? Oh, you can just set up on the dining table. I have to rearrange my shelves tomorrow. +Mm-mm. I never knew him. He died before Frank and I met. This here's... Frank and Tom's mother and father... there's little Frank and Tom... She calls him Tommy... +She calls him Tommy... Always did. I think she favored him a little. You tend to when you have more than one, even though you love 'em all the same. +Ha, she loves telling this story about how when he was two years old, he ran off. They found him in the barn, sleeping between two giant hooves of a Percheron stallion. She said that horse was protecting him and nobody could convince her otherwise. I got a little confused though. The ranch Ellen was talking about -- that's not this one? +Thank you. You're all doing too much. Oh, it's... I wanted to tell you that, if you'd like, you being so busy, I could take Grace to her therapy exercises for you. I have to go in once a week for shopping anyway. +I'll help you with the coffee. Well... I know I should reject that offer, but I'm not going to. +Well... I know I should reject that offer, but I'm not going to. No reason you should, no reason you should. +I was looking in one of your magazines and saw that picture of the couple getting married at the Pyramids. Were you ever in Egypt? I was there for that shot, actually. +I was there for that shot, actually. What was it like? +What was it like? Oh, God -- I think it was the fourth or fifth time I'd been there, so all I remember was the heat and how incompetent the photographer was... +But, uh, Egypt is, well, it's like nothing else. It's like going back in time. I remember as a kid trying to imagine what a kid my age, centuries ago, walking over that same ground, was wondering about or, if they had the same problems as me... and I felt, connected to... to time itself, almost. Ha, I never realized how hard it was to describe. I'd love to go there one time... +I'd love to go there one time... You and Frank ever take a vacation? +You and Frank ever take a vacation? Soon. We're going to Branson, Missouri to see my cousin Emma married. Frank loves in there. +Must be nice for you to take a few days off from your work, huh? Well, I have more than a few days, ha, ha... I uh... I'm sort of... not an editor anymore... right now... First time I've said it out loud. +Well, I have more than a few days, ha, ha... I uh... I'm sort of... not an editor anymore... right now... First time I've said it out loud. They fired you? +They fired you? No, it's more like a leave of- Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, they fired me. +No, it's more like a leave of- Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, they fired me. You don't seem to upset? +You don't seem to upset? Delayed shock. Or maybe not. I know I could talk my way back if I wanted or... go to another magazine, someplace... Just not sure if I want to. +Delayed shock. Or maybe not. I know I could talk my way back if I wanted or... go to another magazine, someplace... Just not sure if I want to. Guess you don't have to figure it out until you go home. +Did you always know this was the life you wanted? I fell in love. After that, I never thought about being anything but a rancher's wife. I never saw it like I was losing some other life, just felt like I was gaining one. I know that's not a popular opinion nowadays and I ain't saying it's the right one. We all have to find the life meant for us. +I fell in love. After that, I never thought about being anything but a rancher's wife. I never saw it like I was losing some other life, just felt like I was gaining one. I know that's not a popular opinion nowadays and I ain't saying it's the right one. We all have to find the life meant for us. Frank's a good man. +Frank's a good man. They don't come better. But I don't deny there are times I wonder about things I won't have. Maybe one day I'll get to see Egypt. Maybe not. But I know if you try too many different lives, you can wind up with no life at all... +They don't come better. But I don't deny there are times I wonder about things I won't have. Maybe one day I'll get to see Egypt. Maybe not. But I know if you try too many different lives, you can wind up with no life at all... Sounds like something Tom would say. +Sounds like something Tom would say. Yes, it does. +What? Annie, I'm not good at this kind of talk -- goes round and round a thing but never comes to it -- so let's just say what it is. When you first came here, I didn't like you and I was worried. Tom means a lot to me and this family. Don't go looking here for whatever you looking for. Don't make that man go through something it took him a long time to see his way clear out of the first time. +Annie, I'm not good at this kind of talk -- goes round and round a thing but never comes to it -- so let's just say what it is. When you first came here, I didn't like you and I was worried. Tom means a lot to me and this family. Don't go looking here for whatever you looking for. Don't make that man go through something it took him a long time to see his way clear out of the first time. I don't think anybody can make Tom do anything he didn't want. +I don't think anybody can make Tom do anything he didn't want. He's a good man, Tom is. He's got a gift, come from heaven above, I swear. But he's still a man. And a woman can lead a man into the middle of a mountain lake -- and still make him think he's on dry land. +Is there anything you need? I'm going food-shopping. Well, I am going to go after lunch. +Well, I am going to go after lunch. No, no, I'll go -- just give me a list. +I think I'm going to have my hands full with the son of mine when you leave. Just might be his first broken heart. Oh, how sweet. +Now, are you sure you want to drive that horse back yourself? There are plenty of people 'round here who do that sort of thing. I already know the way... and it's not like I have a job I have to rush home for. Between you and me, I could use the time alone. +It's just one night. If I get uncomfortable, I'll go over to Hanks. Promise? +Promise? Promise. +Good luck to you, Annie. You too, Diane. +Annie, it's Liz. How's Grace? Her leg was shattered so they had to, uh... remove it. She had some bleeding but it's under control. +Her leg was shattered so they had to, uh... remove it. She had some bleeding but it's under control. Oh God, Annie, I'm so sorry. I... I know you're being hit with a low now, I don't want to take too much of your time but I have to talk to you about Pilgrim. +Wait, uh, I, I don't understand. Start again -- He's alive... Yes, but he's in a tremendous pain... +Yes, but he's in a tremendous pain... Well, of course, right... +Liz, listen, the Doctor's here and I just can't, uh... talk now... so -- I understand, but Annie, please... +I understand, but Annie, please... - See, what you can do for him --... +- See, what you can do for him --... Annie, no matter what I do, this horse will never be the same. +Annie, no matter what I do, this horse will never be the same. ... I just don't know right now! Do whatever you can and when Grace is -- +... I just don't know right now! Do whatever you can and when Grace is -- It isn't right to make him suffer... +It isn't right to make him suffer... And I can say the same thing about my daughter! But she is suffering! Can you solve that problem! I can't deal with this now, Liz! If you need a yes or no right now, then no -- don't do it! Not until I know Grace is all right. Now, please! Just do what you can. Okay? Please. +Maybe we should give him another sedative. Problem is, there aren't many volunteers. He's already had enough to sink a battleship. You have a pin, just in case? +Problem is, there aren't many volunteers. He's already had enough to sink a battleship. You have a pin, just in case? Of course not. +Of course not. Probably best. You may want to shoot yourself half way to Ohio. +... well, I just think she's got a lot of nerve showing up here. Draggin' that child and that poor animal all the way... You eat with those fingers again and you know what'll happen! Frank, don't you think she's got a nerve? Oh hell, I don't know... According to Tom, she's a pretty determined woman. Must've thought it was worth it. +Oh hell, I don't know... According to Tom, she's a pretty determined woman. Must've thought it was worth it. I guess they'll want feeding and all, out here all day long. +Mixed salad. What? +What? I believe women from New York eat mixed salads. Ain't that right, Tom? +They're already all settled in, Frank. Anyway, I'm sure Annie wants her privacy. It's got doors, Diane. Private as can be. Tom? +Play that sweet one you know. The one makes my wife here so friendly. You! +Oh Frank, don't forget the wedding present -- it's behind the door in the laundry room. I got her a pasta maker from the catalogue... Not that they'll know what to do with it in Branton, Missouri... Probably use it as a planter. Diane! +Diane! Frank's touchy about his cousins. Well, it was nice to meet you, Mr. MacLean. +I don't believe they'll expect that. What, they ain't going forty miles into Choteau everytime they want a hamburger. +I believe so. Saw it on a television show, once. Well, that's just what we need on a cattle ranch -- a vegetarian from New York. +Ha... Diane takes care of the books. I don't know how, but at the end of every month, everything adds up to the penny. +Diane takes care of the books. I don't know how, but at the end of every month, everything adds up to the penny. Ain't brain surgery. +I have some brownies left over. Want one? No thanks. +Can we take a look at Bronty's foal when we're done here, Dad? Sure. As long as she don't mind. +Sure. As long as she don't mind. There's a kid at school says we should've imprint-trained him. +He says if you do it soon as they're born, it makes them real easy to handle later on. That's what some folks say. +That's what some folks say. There was this thing on the TV about a guy who does it with geese. He has this airplane and these baby geese all grow up thinking it's their mom, and he flies it and they just follow. You hear 'bout that, Uncle T? +When you figure on branding? Weekend after next... +Teacher asked me why we raise Black Angus-Herefords 'stead of Pure Herefords. Tell her they suit the weather better. Their udders are black, 'stead of pink. +Now son, you tell 'em when it came from. Be honest, I can't say I did it all myself. My grandma helped me get the words right. +I don't believe it. You know her? +Tom? Yeah. +Bank out us a couple more men to run the cattle. We should be fine, then. +They don't get burned by the sun bouncing off the snow. And they're good mother. Our daddy raised Pure Herefords. +Well, I'd like to welcome Annie and Grace to their first branding... And next time, Miss Annie, you can run down the calves... +It'd be a whole lot easier to pay the feed end of the month... I don't think Warren would go for that. +We thought we lost him in the snow storm... Told the kids. Had a funeral for the damn thing. Finally, snow stops. Staring to warm up. I go out and start cleaning the truck... Goddamn if that dog doesn't jump out from the back seat covered in snow... I nearly stained myself. He thought it was a ghost. +Don't you go to school? Twice a month they give you a day off to work on the ranch. +Why do you always wear that hat? Because it fits my head. You want to try it on? +Would you let me ride your horse? Have you talked to Tom about it? +Have you talked to Tom about it? Of course I have. +Of course I have. I don't know... You sure Tom said it's all right? +You wouldn't want to dance with me, would you? I don't thinks you'd want me tripping all over you in front of everybody. +I don't thinks you'd want me tripping all over you in front of everybody. I wouldn't let happen. +I wouldn't let happen. You know, you're a good kid. +Yeah? Uh, I'm Tom Booker. Your mother around? +She gonna be long? Probably. She's on the phone twenty- three hours a day. +Probably. She's on the phone twenty- three hours a day. What does she do? +What does she do? She's an editor. +She's an editor. Mmm. An editor. +Mmm. An editor. Not like books or literature or anything. Just a magazine... Just in case she hasn't told you -- which I'm sure she hasn't -- I don't want to be a part of this, OK? +Isn't it like, obvious? Not to me. Either you want to or you don't. +That's not a question, is it? You're catching on. +Can you drive? Drive? I'm not old enough yet. +Drive? I'm not old enough yet. It's never too soon to start. +I can't... I don't have all day. +Put the key in and turn it. The right pedal is gas, the other one's the brake. I don't know if I can with my leg. +I don't know if I can with my leg. Well, there's only one way to find out. Give it a little gas. +Just follow this. Nothing to it. I'm going to shut my eyes here for a little while. Just keep going till you run out of road. I don't know if I can. +I don't know if I can. Not a question of if you can -- you are. Just keep your eyes on the road and your foot on the pedal and the rest will take care of yourself. +Where did you get Pilgrim from? We bought him in Kentucky. My mother and I took a trip down there to see him. +We bought him in Kentucky. My mother and I took a trip down there to see him. That must have been pretty special. +Are you afraid of anything? Getting old. Not being of much use, I guess. What went on out there, Grace? With Pilgrim? +I won't tell you it'll stop feeling this bad... But I can tell you, you didn't do anything wrong... The same thing would have happened to me... or Frank... or Joe... And there's no sense in looking for a reason why things happen... I used to try and... always came up short. I don't think the why so's important as... what we do with what we get. I remember this boy I'd see up on the Blackfeet Reservation. He was sixteen. Great kid. Strong. He'd gone swimming and dived headfirst into a rock. Snapped his neck, paralyzed him... After the accident, I'd look in on him from time to time... and he wasn't there anymore. His mind, his spirit, whatever you want to call it, it just disappeared. And what was left was nothing but anger... It's like the boy I knew just went away somewhere... I know where he goes. +I know where he goes. I know you do. Don't you disappear. You do whatever you have to, to hold on... I'll tell you one more thing... When Pilgrim reared up to face that truck... you know what I think?... I think that damn horse loved you so much, he was trying to protect you... That's what I think. +I can't... not yet... There's no hurry. Take you time. +Sure? Sure. +There's still something going on inside of him I can't reach. So me and Smokey here, we're going to try laying him down. Okay? What does that mean? +What does that mean? It's more or less how it sounds. Sometimes it's not pretty to watch. Some horses fight it real hard. Your fella's already shown us he likes a good fight. So if you don't want to watch, I'll call you when it's done. +It's more or less how it sounds. Sometimes it's not pretty to watch. Some horses fight it real hard. Your fella's already shown us he likes a good fight. So if you don't want to watch, I'll call you when it's done. I want to watch. +Grace, I need you to come with me. No, you're only going to hurt him some more. +No, you're only going to hurt him some more. He's not hurt. He's okay. Look at him. +He's not hurt. He's okay. Look at him. No! +No! Grace, Listen... you've got to do this. Just trust me one more time. +It's warmer than I thought. You want to go to a movie tonight? +You want to go to a movie tonight? I thought your mom's coming up? +I thought your mom's coming up? So? +My parents are having friends from college over. They're really nice... They have this gorgeous son who wants to be a forest ranger. Can I come? I'll start a fire... +...Oh, come on! You think the same thing! I just could never say it! +Do you want to go around by the old road? Why don't we just cut through the woods? +You want to go down or stay along the river? We already did the river. Let's go down and across the old bridge. We can circle back. +"""... and I said that""..." "No, wait, it just goes... ""he said he liked to do-""..." +Jude, you okay? I'm okay... I'm okay. +Have you heard from Judith's parents? No, not yet. +No, not yet. How's Pilgrim doing? +Dad! I can do it, OK?! OK, OK. +Do you want something else, honey? We order something else? No, I'm just not that hungry. +You want to watch some television? Maybe... look -- just... +Honey, you all right? Did something fall? NO! +What, sweetheart? I want to see Pilgrim. +Did you notice -- no cane? I know. Amazing. +I know. Amazing. Can we show him Pilgrim, Tom? +Shouldn't we have invited Tom over? I did. He said he had work to do until late. +IT WAS MY TURN! YA JUST HAD A TURN. IT WAS NOT. +YA JUST HAD A TURN. IT WAS NOT. WAS SO! +Don't be such a baby! You just showing off for her! +You just showing off for her! You shut up, stupid! +You shut up, stupid! You're the one who's stupid -- letting her go and fall off your horse!! +Hi. It's a pleasure. I'm very grateful for the way you took in my girls here. I bet you were surprised when they just showed up out of nowhere. Oh yeah... +I can't believe it's the same horse. We still have a way to go. +We still have a way to go. How much longer do you think? +Well, like I told your wife, it's really up to Pilgrim. I understand... +Is the poverty worse, now, you think? I haven't been back in over twenty years, but I wouldn't be surprised. The population's larger. +Hey, darlin'. Hey, Rona. Sorry I'm late. +Hey, Rona. Sorry I'm late. I wouldn't know what to do if you were on time. +You're looking fit. Fit? You want to check my teeth. Good crowd today. I think you'll have some fun. You going to stay for dinner? +Fit? You want to check my teeth. Good crowd today. I think you'll have some fun. You going to stay for dinner? If it's not too much trouble, I thought I might. +If it's not too much trouble, I thought I might. Kind of trouble I'm in the mood for. +Kind of trouble I'm in the mood for. Oh-oh... Maybe I better get back in the truck. +Oh I clear forget. You had a call from some woman in New York. She sounded pretty wound up. I don't any woman in New York. But from what I hear, most of them are wound up. +I don't any woman in New York. But from what I hear, most of them are wound up. The number's by the phone. +What are you looking at, young man? How long were you married? +How long were you married? Long enough. +Long enough. You ever miss it? +You ever miss it? Does a horse miss a saddle? +Does a horse miss a saddle? Sometimes. +You know, Rona, we weren't all that good together even when we were good together. Honey... I was always good. +Well, that'll happen. Where did you learn all this stuff? +Where did you learn all this stuff? What stuff is that? +What stuff is that? About horses? I'd love to learn more about it myself. Do you offer any private lessons for riders? +About horses? I'd love to learn more about it myself. Do you offer any private lessons for riders? Well... Dale... you know, a lot of this stuff... it just... nuts and bolts. +Well... Dale... you know, a lot of this stuff... it just... nuts and bolts. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Well, if the rider's nuts, the horse bolts. That's the whole lesson right there. You have a good day now... Just... keep on freeing yourself up. +"Listen to this bullshit. ""This is our world now. The world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We exist without nationality, skin color, or religious bias. You wage wars, murder, cheat, lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals. Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. I am a hacker and this is my manifesto."" Huh, right, manifesto? ""You may stop me, but you can't stop us all.""" Now that's cool. +Now that's cool. Cool? +Cool? Yeah, cool. +Yeah, cool. You think it's cool? +You think it's cool? It's cool! +It's cool! It's not cool. It's commie bullshit! +Secret Service! Don't move! +How's it going, Ray? It looks good, sir. We've got an uncorrupted hard drive. +It looks good, sir. We've got an uncorrupted hard drive. In English, please. I didn't spend ten years protecting the president so I could finish my career feeling like an idiot. +In English, please. I didn't spend ten years protecting the president so I could finish my career feeling like an idiot. I'm sorry, sir. We caught him by surprise, so we don't think he had time to erase his computer files. +I'm sorry, sir. We caught him by surprise, so we don't think he had time to erase his computer files. Good. Good man. Alright, let's finish up here, and take him in for interrogation. +Good. Good man. Alright, let's finish up here, and take him in for interrogation. Alright sir. +Welcome to our show! Hack the Planet! +As you can see, this is just a simple microcassette recorder. Hook it up to the phone and drop in five bucks in quarters. Record the tones that the coins make. And hang up and get your money back! +Record the tones that the coins make. And hang up and get your money back! And never again have to pay for a service that would be dirt cheap... +And never again have to pay for a service that would be dirt cheap... ...IF it weren't run by a bunch of profiteering gluttons! +...IF it weren't run by a bunch of profiteering gluttons! Remember, hacking is more than just a crime. It's a survival trait! +Let's keep her. Waste the dude. +She's rabid, but cute. See, we're very busy. A TV network that wishes to remain nameless has expressed an interest in our show. +That's it! An electronic army! If I were us, I'd get on the internet, send out a major distress signal. Hackers of the World, Unite! +Hackers of the World, Unite! How are you going to take care of the cops? +What's that? Devil book. The Unix Bible. +What's that? Dragon book. Compiler design. +Oh yeah? What's that? The Red Book. NSA Trusted Networks. Otherwise known as the Ugly Red Book that won't fit on a shelf. +Maybe. But, if I were gonna hack some heavy metal, I'd, uh, work my way back through some low security, and try the back door. Yeah but oh man, wouldn't you just love to get one of those Gibsons, baby? Ooooh! +So what do you think, can I crash at your place tonight? What is it with this guy? +Shit! Shh! +Shh! Was that her top? +Right. The sensitive type. +I can't. Everybody who touches that thing gets busted, I can't afford to get arrested, I'm sorry. Maybe I should just go to the bathroom or something. +What? Check this out. It's a memo about how they're gonna deal with those oil spills that happened on the fourteenth. +Uh... Nikon, can I... can I crash at your place tonight? Again? Yeah sure. +Active matrix, man. A million psychedelic colors. Man, baby, sweet, ooo! I want it. +Very impressive. Super hero like even. +Hold on a second! Look at this, it's so lean and clean. +Look at this, it's so lean and clean. Looks like a hacker wrote it. +Oh man. That's universally stupid, man! Yo, man, you an amateur, man. +Biggest crash in history, front page, New York Times, August 10th, 1988. I thought you was black, man! Yo, man, this is Zero Cool! Oh, shit! That's far out! +That's far out! This is Zero Cool, man! Whooo, haha! +Ta-da! Yo, brain dead, the manual! +Snoop onto them... ...as they snoop onto us. +Well, I got a lot, alright? I don't know how many but... my head hurts. Yo, everyone check this out. Hey, what's the Da Vinci virus? +Damn! A worm AND a virus? The plot thickens. +...and your name goes through like seventeen computers a day. 1984, yeah right man, that's a typo. Orwell's here and now, he's living large. We have no names, man, no names. We are nameless. Can I score a fry? Thanks. Meet Cereal Killer. As in Froot Loops? But he does know things. +What are you, stoned or stupid? You don't hack a bank across state lines from your house, you'll get nailed by the FBI. Where are your brains, in your ass? Don't you know anything? Stupid, man. It's universally stupid. +Yeah but don't forget God. System operators love to use God. It's that whole male ego thing. Look, you wanna be elite? You gotta do a righteous hack. None of this accidental shit. +Look, you wanna be elite? You gotta do a righteous hack. None of this accidental shit. Oh yeah, you want a seriously righteous hack, you score one of those Gibsons man. You know, supercomputers they use to like, do physics, and look for oil and stuff? +Oh yeah, you want a seriously righteous hack, you score one of those Gibsons man. You know, supercomputers they use to like, do physics, and look for oil and stuff? Ain't no way, man, security's too tight. The big iron? +Cereal, man, you owe me a pack. It was him, man! +It was him, man! You're psyched. You need to lay off of that shit. +You're psyched. You need to lay off of that shit. I'm gonna hit you! +His parents missed Woodstock and he's been making up for it since. Hey, you hear about Joey's bust? Yeah. Probably had something to do with that bank in Idaho. +Yeah. Probably had something to do with that bank in Idaho. Do you think he could hack a Gibson? +I want it to have my children! Yeah, I bet it looks crispy in the dark. +Yeah, I bet it looks crispy in the dark. Yo, hit the lights. +One-handed! Difficulty rating? +Nonononono. Truce, you guys. Listen, we got a higher purpose here, alright? A wake up call for the Nintendo Generation. We demand free access to data, well, it comes with some responsibility. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things. What... It's Corinthians I, Chapter 13, verse 11, no duh. Come on. Phreak and Joey are being framed. We need your help to figure out what's on this disc. +Oh wow, we are fried. Never send a boy to do a woman's job. With me, we can do it in seven. +Never send a boy to do a woman's job. With me, we can do it in seven. You're both screwed. I help, we can do it in six. +Well this hasn't happened yet. "Wait a minute, the fourteenth, that's the same day the worm ends its run. I mean... Da Vinci virus, didn't Phreak say that's what he was being charged with? Look... ""Infecting ballast programs of Ellingson tankers"" - they blame hackers!" +Ai! Boom boom aiaiaiaiaee! Alright, that was a little tension breaker, that had to be done, alright? Cereal. +Cereal. Yeah? +Yeah? Go fix the phones. +Go fix the phones. Roger. +Who's that? Curtis. +Curtis. And what's he do? +And what's he do? That's it, you're looking at it, he just looks slick all day. +You heard of a hacker called Acid Burn? You know who he is? No, don't know who he is. Do you? +Did you talk to him? Nope. His mom said he's grounded for his next three lifetimes. He isn't to consort with his computer friends. The secret service is really out to get him. Hey there's a big party tonight, you wanna go? +Yo. Check this out guys, this is insanely great, it's got a 28.8 BPS modem! Yeah? Display? +Dead. Dead? +Dead? Yeah. Like Rigor Mortis, Habeas Corpus. +Due to Mr. Gill's untimely demise and everything, I guess you two will have to improvise the next round. Right. If I win, you wear a dress on our date. +Dade? Yeah, mom? +Yeah, mom? What are you doing? +What are you doing? I'm taking over a TV network. +I'm taking over a TV network. Finish up, honey, and get to sleep. And happy birthday. +Good morning. You unpack your stuff yet? Mm-hmm. +Mm-hmm. Up all night again, huh? +Up all night again, huh? Can this wait until both my eyes are open, please? +Can I cut the electricity to his room so he'll sleep normal hours? He's been playing with his computer all night for a solid week. Well yes, he could be playing with himself. Mmm hmm. Yes I'll ask. Dade, you like girls, don't you? Well, yeah, I just haven't found one as charming as you yet. +Well, yeah, I just haven't found one as charming as you yet. You haven't been doing anything stupid, right, Dade? Right, Dade?! +You haven't been doing anything stupid, right, Dade? Right, Dade?! Right, mom. And I'm still a virgin! +How was school? Hmmm. +Hmmm. What did we learn in school today? +What did we learn in school today? Revenge. +Revenge. Aaaah. Did we meet someone special? +Aaaah. Did we meet someone special? No. No one special. +No. No one special. Okay, I gotta get back to work. I'm gonna be home late. And would you try and please fill these out? +Right. Anything else, you want me to mow the lawn? Oops, forgot. New York. No grass. And unpack. +Loser. I can't believe you were only eleven when you wrote this. It's quite an impressive virus. Dade, I know how you might feel about narking on your friends, but, we're hackers. For us, there's no such thing as family and friends. We're each our own country, with temporary allies and enemies. I'd like to make a treaty with you. I'm sorry. Who are you? +I'm sorry. Who are you? I'm the one who understands you. Now, can we be allies? +I'm the one who understands you. Now, can we be allies? Nah. I don't play well with others. +Shit! Come on! Watch which friends you do play with. A record like yours could land you in jail, get you kicked out of school, no colleges would take you. No future. Exiled from everyone and everything you love. +I'm fine. Oh, and Dade, try to stay out of trouble, okay? Blow me. +Blow me. Thank you! +The girl. The girl has the disc I need. I told you, I don't play well with others. +I told you, I don't play well with others. Turn on your laptop. Set it to receive a file. +Lauren Murphy is now a wanted felon in the state of Washington. Forgery, Embezzlement, two drug convictions, plus she jumped parole. When she's arrested, she will not have a trial, she will not pass go, she will go directly to jail. Then I change this file back to the original, and your mom disappears. That's bullshit. +That's bullshit. What can I tell you. Computers never lie, kid. Your mom will be arrested at work, she'll be handcuffed, and later, strip searched. +What can I tell you. Computers never lie, kid. Your mom will be arrested at work, she'll be handcuffed, and later, strip searched. You lay a finger on her and I'll kill you. +You lay a finger on her and I'll kill you. Kid, don't threaten me. There are worse things than death and, uh, I can do all of them! +Talk to me. I got it. But listen, Kate didn't know what's on it. I mean, she came to me to figure it out. She's not the one who planted the virus. You leave her alone. +I got it. But listen, Kate didn't know what's on it. I mean, she came to me to figure it out. She's not the one who planted the virus. You leave her alone. Hey, don't worry, kid. If she's innocent, she'll be fine. Your mommy's safe now, okay? +Game's over. Last chance to get out of this without a prison sentence. You're not good enough to beat me, you little shit. Yeah, maybe I'm not. But we are, you asshole. +Yeah, maybe I'm not. But we are, you asshole. Give it up! Just give it up. +I found it! I found it! This is the end, my friend. Thank you for calling! +Crash Override. Never heard of you. Done anything? +Never heard of you. Done anything? No. +Yo, showtime, showtime! What's going on? +That's Razor and Blade. Razor and Blade. +Look out, man. Lisa Blair, 26 East 7th St., apartment 16, 555-4817, BOOM! How did you know that? +How did you know that? I got photographic memory. It's a curse! Lisa! +Seven. Wow! Burn's wetware matches her software! Burn! +This isn't a virus. It's a worm! What's this one eat? +What's this one eat? It nibbles. You see this? +Two days. And judging by this segment alone, it's already eaten about... +They'll trace you like that man, cops are gonna find you, they're gonna find you with a smoking gun. Fucked if I care, man. +Fucked if I care, man. Look, even if you had the passwords, it'll take you ten minutes to get in, and you've still gotta find the files, man, I mean, the cops will have you in... five minutes. +Jesus, I gotta save all your asses. I help, we can do it in five minutes, man. Okay. Let's go shopping. +Oh, shit! He got me. Joey's getting stupid busy. +Yes! We did it! +Here's your class. My... class. You mean I'm not in your class? +My... class. You mean I'm not in your class? No, you're not in my class. +Yeah, there's an Olympic size swimming pool up on the roof. Take the stairs over there. Yeah! Sure. +That's a nice score for a girl. Think you can do better? +Think you can do better? I'll give it a shot. +What the hell is going on? Pool on the roof must have a leak. +He's not in this class. I said give me time. +I said give me time. He's not enrolled in this class. +Burn. You're Acid Burn. You booted me out of OTV! What? +What? I'm Crash Override. +I'm Crash Override. You're the moron that's been invading my turf? +What the hell are you doing? It's cool, I'm just looking. +It's cool, I'm just looking. It's too much machine for you. +It's too much machine for you. Yeah? +It has a killer refresh rate. P6 chip. Triple the speed of the Pentium. +P6 chip. Triple the speed of the Pentium. Yeah. It's not just the chip, it has a PCI bus. But you knew that. +Yeah. It's not just the chip, it has a PCI bus. But you knew that. Indeed. RISC architecture is gonna change everything. +Indeed. RISC architecture is gonna change everything. Yeah. RISC is good. +You sure this sweet machine's not going to waste? "Crash Override. What was it. ""Mess with the Best, Die Like the Rest?""" +"Crash Override. What was it. ""Mess with the Best, Die Like the Rest?""" Yeah. +Yeah. Are you challenging me? +Are you challenging me? Name your stakes. +Name your stakes. If I win, you become my slave. +If I win, you become my slave. Your slave? +Your slave? You wish. You'll do shit work, scan, crack copyrights, whatever I want. +You wish. You'll do shit work, scan, crack copyrights, whatever I want. And if I win? +And if I win? Make it my first born. +Make it my first born. Make it our first date. +Make it our first date. You're not gonna win. +You're not gonna win. And you have to smile. +And you have to smile. I don't do dates. But I don't lose either, so you're on. +We need your help. Do my ears deceive me? +What is it with you? I know we've been playing games, but, we're supposed to be on the same side and we really need your help. I really need your help. I'm sorry, I can't. +I'm sorry, I can't. Well, could you just make a copy of the disc? And just hide it in case we get busted, so we have something to give our lawyers, something that hasn't been tampered with? Can you do that? +Thank you. Okay. I'll copy it. +Okay. I'll copy it. Okay, thank you. +Kate, listen. Uh, hold on... +Uh, hold on... I have to tell you something. +This is every financial transaction Ellingson conducts, yeah? From million dollar deals to the ten bucks some guy pays for gas. The worm eats a few cents from each transaction. +The worm eats a few cents from each transaction. And no one's caught it because the money isn't really gone. It's just data being shifted around. +And no one's caught it because the money isn't really gone. It's just data being shifted around. Right. And when the worm's ready, it zips out with the money and erases its tracks. +Right. And when the worm's ready, it zips out with the money and erases its tracks. Joey got cut off before he got to that part. Check it out. By this point, it's already running at, what, twice the speed as when it started. +Joey got cut off before he got to that part. Check it out. By this point, it's already running at, what, twice the speed as when it started. Right, and at this rate it ends its run in... +Whoever wrote this needs somebody to take the fall. And that's Phreak, and that's Joey, and that's us. We've got to get the rest of the file, so we can find out where the money is going before the worm disappears, so we can find out WHO created it. I know, I know who wrote it. +I know, I know who wrote it. What? +What? This Ellingson security creep. I gave him a copy of the disc you gave me. +This Ellingson security creep. I gave him a copy of the disc you gave me. You what? +You what? I didn't know what was on it. +Why did he come to you? I got a record. I was Zero Cool. +Well that's great. There goes MIT. I'll make it up to you! +I'll make it up to you! How? +How? I'll hack the Gibson. +Shit!! It's my subway defense system. +Alright, so what have we got? Well, we have fifty passwords, plus whatever Polaroid head here got inside Ellingson. +There they are! Razor and Blade! They're flakes! +Razor and Blade! They're flakes! They're elite! Let's get 'em. +A virus called Da Vinci will cause oil spills at 10:30 AM Eastern Time tomorrow. It's somehow connected with the worm that's stealing the money. +It's somehow connected with the worm that's stealing the money. We need your help to overload the Gibson so we can kill the Da Vinci virus and download the worm program. +Ready? Yeah. +Yeah. Alright, let's boot up. +It's the Gibson, it's finding us too fast. Man, there's too many garbage files, I need more time. +Are you crazy? What are you doing? I'm trying to help you. +Dade. What? +What? Thanks for your help. +Oh, wow, she's great. Yeah. +You look good in a dress. You would have looked better. +You would have looked better. Wanna go for a swim? +I can't believe they decided you won. They didn't. The guys felt it was the only way I'd get a date. Anyway, you're pretty good. You're elite. +They didn't. The guys felt it was the only way I'd get a date. Anyway, you're pretty good. You're elite. Yeah? You know if you would have said so in the beginning, you would have saved yourself a whole lot of trouble. +You know, I've been having these really weird.. Dreams? +Security, uh Norm, Norm speaking. Norman? This is Mr. Eddie Vedder, from Accounting. I just had a power surge here at home that wiped out a file I was working on. Listen, I'm in big trouble, do you know anything about computers? +Norman? This is Mr. Eddie Vedder, from Accounting. I just had a power surge here at home that wiped out a file I was working on. Listen, I'm in big trouble, do you know anything about computers? Uhhmmm... uh gee, uh... +Uhhmmm... uh gee, uh... Right, well my BLT drive on my computer just went AWOL, and I've got this big project due tomorrow for Mr. Kawasaki, and if I don't get it in, he's gonna ask me to commit Hari Kari... +Right, well my BLT drive on my computer just went AWOL, and I've got this big project due tomorrow for Mr. Kawasaki, and if I don't get it in, he's gonna ask me to commit Hari Kari... Uhhh.. ahahaha... +Uhhh.. ahahaha... Yeah, well, you know these Japanese management techniques. Could you, uh, read me the number on the modem? +Yeah, well, you know these Japanese management techniques. Could you, uh, read me the number on the modem? Uhhhmm... +Uhhhmm... It's a little boxy thing, Norm, with switches on it... lets my computer talk to the one there... +It's a little boxy thing, Norm, with switches on it... lets my computer talk to the one there... 212-555-4240. +Excuse me. Yo, chill man, I'm talking to Venezuela. +Yo, chill man, I'm talking to Venezuela. Yeah, I'm sorry, I was just looking for the principal's office. +Yeah, I'm sorry, I was just looking for the principal's office. Sorry, I can't help you, okay? +So, um, what's your interest in Kate Libby, eh? Academic? Purely sexual? Homicidal? +Homicidal? What's up, man? I'm the Phreak! +Did you find the program for the virus on any of the discs we confiscated? No. He's either very smart or very stupid. +No. He's either very smart or very stupid. Then he stashed it somewhere, or he has an accomplice. We'll release him until his indictment, keep tight surveillance, and see if he leads us to your disc. +Gill. I think we've got something. +It got you seven years probation. No computer, couldn't even use a touch tone phone. Must have been hell, huh? Zero Cool? A virus has been planted in the Ellingson Mineral computer system. You were our prime suspect, till we trashed your stuff and found no trace of it. +Must have been hell, huh? Zero Cool? A virus has been planted in the Ellingson Mineral computer system. You were our prime suspect, till we trashed your stuff and found no trace of it. However, we have come to believe that one Joey Pardella is involved in this Ellingson virus. He or perhaps his accomplice has a disk that Mr. Belford needs to disable that virus. We want you to help us find it. +However, we have come to believe that one Joey Pardella is involved in this Ellingson virus. He or perhaps his accomplice has a disk that Mr. Belford needs to disable that virus. We want you to help us find it. Gill. +Hello? We caught 'em. +We caught 'em. Good. +Good. Red handed! You won't be having any more trouble from them. +You're welcome. What's going on? Let go of me! Stewardess! I'll never fly this airline again! +There's a new virus in the database. What's happening? +What's happening? It's replicating, eating up memory. What do I do? +A rabbit replicates till it overloads a file, then it spreads like cancer. Cancer? +Colonel who? The System Command Processor, it's the brain. +The System Command Processor, it's the brain. Cancer, brain... Brain Cancer? +Mr. Belford? My name is the Plague. +My name is the Plague. Uh, Mr. The Plague, uh, something weird's happening on the net. +Uh, Mr. The Plague, uh, something weird's happening on the net. As in what, you hapless techno-weenie? +As in what, you hapless techno-weenie? Uh, the accounting subdirectory in the Gibson is working really hard. We got one person online, the workload is enough for like ten users. I think we've got a hacker. +Never fear. I is here. I've narrowed the activity to terminal 23. +I've narrowed the activity to terminal 23. Let's echo 23, see what's up. +We have a Zero Bug attacking all the login and overlay files. Run anti-virus. Give me a systems display! +Die, dickweeds! The rabbit is in the administration system. +Phreakphreakphreakphreakphreak, dudedudedudedudedudedude... I gotta... Joey, Joey... +Joey, Joey... What? whatwhatwhat? +What? whatwhatwhat? "One more ""dude"" out of you and I'm gonna slap the shit outa you, okay? Now I'm trying to save you from yourself but you gotta stop letting your mama dress you, man! : Check it..." +I need a handle, man. I don't have an identity until I have a handle. You know, you're right about that. Check it, Friday. +Alright. How about the Master of Disaster, huh? You're hopeless, man, utterly hopeless. +Anyways, guys, guys, listen, listen to me. I'm in this computer right? So I'm looking around... D'you bring those Crayola books? +You guys always think I should know everything, and you never tell me anything. Am I right? Alright, what are the three most commonly used passwords? +Alright, what are the three most commonly used passwords? Love, secret, and uh, sex. But not in that order, necessarily, right? +Yo, what's up? Dude dude dude, I gotta talk to you a minute, listen listen listen. I copied a garbage file from... +Dude dude dude, I gotta talk to you a minute, listen listen listen. I copied a garbage file from... Big deal. A garbage file's got shit in it, Joey, come on. +Big deal. A garbage file's got shit in it, Joey, come on. Nono, it's like hot or something. I don't know. +Nono, it's like hot or something. I don't know. Joey, a garbage file holds miscellaneous data. Junk. Bits of stuff that's been erased, man. +Joey, a garbage file holds miscellaneous data. Junk. Bits of stuff that's been erased, man. I copied it from Ellingson, okay? They're asking me about it, alright? Will you take a look for me? +Hey! What are you guys doing in here? I'm sorry, we're sorry, just checking out your fly laptop! +What is he doing in here? Relax, Burn, he's my guest. +Any questions? Yeah. Whose gonna notify his next of kin? +Hello? Hey, it's me. +Hey, it's me. Phreak? +Phreak? I'm freaking! Joey wasn't making it up! He really hacked into Ellingson! He gave me the disc with a file he copied and now I'm in jail! They're charging me with some serious shit! And there's stuff I didn't even do, like inserting some virus called Da Vinci, and they keep asking about you guys. +I'm freaking! Joey wasn't making it up! He really hacked into Ellingson! He gave me the disc with a file he copied and now I'm in jail! They're charging me with some serious shit! And there's stuff I didn't even do, like inserting some virus called Da Vinci, and they keep asking about you guys. You think they're going to bust us? +You think they're going to bust us? Yeah! You better figure out what's on that disc, cause we're being framed. It's in that place where I put that thing that time? +Good morning, Gentlemen. Please be seated. I see we're still dressing in the dark, Eugene. Once again, don't call me Eugene. A recent unknown intruder penetrated, using a superuser acount, giving him access to our whole system. +Once again, don't call me Eugene. A recent unknown intruder penetrated, using a superuser acount, giving him access to our whole system. Precisely what you're paid to prevent. +Precisely what you're paid to prevent. Someone didn't bother reading my carefully prepared memo on commonly used passwords. Now, as I so meticulously pointed out, the for most used passwords are love, sex, secret and... ...God. So would your holiness care to change her password? +A hacker planted the virus. Virus? +Virus? Yesterday, the ballast program for a supertanker training model mistakenly thought the vessel was empty, and flooded its tanks. +Yesterday, the ballast program for a supertanker training model mistakenly thought the vessel was empty, and flooded its tanks. Excuse me? +Excuse me? The little boat flipped over. A virus planted in the Gibson computer system claimed responsibility. +The little boat flipped over. A virus planted in the Gibson computer system claimed responsibility. What, it left a note? +So what are we supposed to do? Well luckily, you have a gifted and talented security officer. I traced the hacker's call. The secret service picked him up this morning. I'll just search his files for the original virus code, and then I can eliminate it. +What the hell was that all about? I had to move fast. The hacker copied my garbage file. +I had to move fast. The hacker copied my garbage file. What? +What? I created Mister da Vinci so we could call in the Secret Service. So they'd arrest the hacker, sieze his equipment, things that we can't do on our own. +I created Mister da Vinci so we could call in the Secret Service. So they'd arrest the hacker, sieze his equipment, things that we can't do on our own. I don't want to go to jail for this. +I don't want to go to jail for this. Relax. Think about the 25 million dollars. +Relax. Think about the 25 million dollars. But you've created a virus that's going to cause a worldwide ecological disaster, just to arrest some hacker kid? +But you've created a virus that's going to cause a worldwide ecological disaster, just to arrest some hacker kid? Basically, uhmm, yeah. Mmm hmmm. +Basically, uhmm, yeah. Mmm hmmm. Jesus. You know, you're sick, Eugene. You... +Jesus. You know, you're sick, Eugene. You... Sh, sh sh sh sh. +Murphy kid turn you down? I disguised myself as an Alabama State Trooper and penetrated the FBI NCIC. +I disguised myself as an Alabama State Trooper and penetrated the FBI NCIC. Pervert! What are you talking about? +The FBI computer holds files on twenty million Americans. I just hacked into it. Congratulations. +Congratulations. From here I got access to every piece of data ever stored on Dade Murphy's parents. His parents separated five years ago, reconciled two years later, filed for divorce last year, custody battle, boy chose to go with his mother. Hmm. +From here I got access to every piece of data ever stored on Dade Murphy's parents. His parents separated five years ago, reconciled two years later, filed for divorce last year, custody battle, boy chose to go with his mother. Hmm. So? +So? So, we get the mother, we get the boy. +They had a large chunk of the garbage file? How much do they know? Not everything. But enough to implicate us. +Not everything. But enough to implicate us. You said the worm was untreaceable! +You said the worm was untreaceable! Yeah. To civilians. But they're hackers. But don't worry. All we have to do is launch the Da Vinci virus, and then they'll all be put away. +Yeah. To civilians. But they're hackers. But don't worry. All we have to do is launch the Da Vinci virus, and then they'll all be put away. Launch the Da Vinci virus? You can't do that! +Launch the Da Vinci virus? You can't do that! No one believes the guilty. Besides, by the time they realize the truth, we'll be long gone with all of our money. +What is it? What's wrong? Nothing, it's just a minor glitch. +Nothing, it's just a minor glitch. """Minor glitch"" with you seems to turn into a major catastrophe." +Send a Flu-shot. Rabbit, Flu-shot, someone talk to me. +Thank you. Nonono, thank YOU! +Hello, operator services. Hello, operator? I'm having trouble dialing a number. +Hello, operator? I'm having trouble dialing a number. What number please? +What number please? 555-4202. +555-4202. Just one moment. +Just one moment. Thank you. +Purpose of visit? A patient pickup and transfer to Smith's Grove. +A patient pickup and transfer to Smith's Grove. You're late. +You're late. Yeah. Should be on the road. +Yeah. Should be on the road. Yeah, ha, hell of a night huh? +Yeah, ha, hell of a night huh? Real charmer. +Real charmer. I'll take you down there. +I'll take you down there. All right. +Rachel! What are you doing here? I thought I was supposed to pick you up? Jamie needs a Halloween costume. +Jamie needs a Halloween costume. You do? Okay. Go down aisle A. We've got the best costumes in the whole town. +We need to talk. Okay sure. What about? +Okay sure. What about? Its about tonight. +What? My parents baby-sitter canceled. +My parents baby-sitter canceled. So? +So? So I have to watch Jamie tonight. +So I have to watch Jamie tonight. When did you find this out? +When did you find this out? This morning. +This morning. Well you found out this morning? Why didn't you tell me before? I mean it's 5 o'clock now Rachel...shit +Well you found out this morning? Why didn't you tell me before? I mean it's 5 o'clock now Rachel...shit Don't get angry. +Don't get angry. I'm not angry it's just +Can I come over after Jamie's asleep? My parents are going to come home early tonight. +My parents are going to come home early tonight. So? +So? I don't know Brady. +I don't know Brady. Okay, I guess. I'll call you later. +Rachel, I've got an expl-- I've got an explanation. You don't owe me anything. +Just leave me alone and lets forget it. No, you don't understand. +I mean, you blew off our date at last minute. So you hop on to the next best thing? I thought you were different from other guys. +So you hop on to the next best thing? I thought you were different from other guys. I am different, it's just that I just got pissed off...that's all. +I am different, it's just that I just got pissed off...that's all. Oh really? Well, I'll just let you get back to little Ms. Hot panties. +Are you two okay? We've been better. +We've been better. What's going on? +What's going on? Michael Myers. +Michael Myers. Who's that? +Who's that? 10 years ago? Halloween? He's Jamie's uncle. +No, no, we have to get out of here right now. Not without Jamie. +Not without Jamie. Look. +You think she stands a chance? She's not dead! +Is there another key? I don't know! +Its metal, god dammit its metal. What does that mean? +What does that mean? We're trapped in this house. +Brady! Get back! +Get back! Brady! +Brady! No. You son of a bitch! +Shit! Brady! Come with us. +Brady! Come with us. Go! +Go! Brady! +Brady! Get up there Rachel! +Brady! Get up there Rachel! +Get up there Rachel! Brady! Come with us! Brady! +Brady! Come with us! Brady! Go! +When did this happen? Sometime in the night. They probably lost the road in the storm. Come down the embankment. It happens. +Sometime in the night. They probably lost the road in the storm. Come down the embankment. It happens. An accident? +An accident? Yes, sir. +It's hard to tell, there all chewed up. Loomis, it's over. Leave it alone. +I've seen bodies thrown 50-60 feet from a crash site. Look, even if by some miracle Michael is conscience, his muscles would be totally useless. Give the troopers a chance to search. +Hang on Mrs. Pierce. Not that tie, on the other side. That's not the only thing your eating Rachel. Mom, I'm on a diet. You want an oinker for a daughter? +Mom, please You'll have to watch Jamie tonight. +You'll have to watch Jamie tonight. Not tonight. I've got that date with Brady. You know how important that is. +Not tonight. I've got that date with Brady. You know how important that is. Well tonight is very important for your father and me. +Well tonight is very important for your father and me. Can't you find somebody else? +Can't you find somebody else? Its too late. +Its too late. What am I supposed to tell Brady? Sorry, but I've got to baby-sit my foster sister, go and have fun by yourself. +What am I supposed to tell Brady? Sorry, but I've got to baby-sit my foster sister, go and have fun by yourself. Its not exactly the end of the world, for goodness sake +How do we look? You guys always look great. +You guys always look great. We'll be at the Fallbrooks. The number's next to the phone. +We'll be at the Fallbrooks. The number's next to the phone. I know, and next to that is the police, hospital, fire, and probably National Guard. +Oh dear God. Its all right...a bad dream, just a nasty old dream. It's okay..it's okay. +Clean one in the laundry room next to your blue slacks. Hello? Honey, this tie has a spot on it, I can't wear this today. I got a 10:30 with Chuck. +Found it. Sorry. Do you suppose Susan could just bring her crutches? Oh, stupid question. Tell her I hope she feels better. Susan's mother, she can't baby-sit tonight. +Sorry. Do you suppose Susan could just bring her crutches? Oh, stupid question. Tell her I hope she feels better. Susan's mother, she can't baby-sit tonight. Why not? +Why not? Susan broke her ankle last night at the ice rink Rachel? +Honey, I don't think their home. How do you know their not? +How do you know their not? Because the lights are all out. +Because the lights are all out. I told them to be here by nine. Its not 9:30 yet. +I told them to be here by nine. Its not 9:30 yet. We should call the fire department. +We should call the fire department. I'm not calling the fire department. +Why wasn't I notified? About what? +About what? You know damn well about what. You let them take it out of here. +You know damn well about what. You let them take it out of here. For Christ sakes. Spare me the speech. I've listened to it for a decade. The fact is that Michael Myers was a federal patient, and a federal prisoner therefore he is subject to federal law. +For Christ sakes. Spare me the speech. I've listened to it for a decade. The fact is that Michael Myers was a federal patient, and a federal prisoner therefore he is subject to federal law. We're not talking about any ordinary prisoner Hoffman! We are talking about evil on two legs. +We're not talking about any ordinary prisoner Hoffman! We are talking about evil on two legs. I can see this is useless. +I don't want to have anyone live through that night again. I've said this before. I think your the one who needs medical help. +Why shouldn't I? How many people in the bus? +How many people in the bus? Four plus Myers. +Four plus Myers. How many bodies did you find? +Now where are you going? Haddonfield. It's a four hour drive. You can reach me through the local police. If you didn't find him in four hours, I'm sure I will. +Yes. I'm Dr. Hoffman, Medical Administrator. +I'm Dr. Hoffman, Medical Administrator. Has he been prepped? +Has he been prepped? Ready to go. Who signs for him? +Ready to go. Who signs for him? I do. +I do. Outside. +Outside. Check him out. +I'd assumed Dr. Loomis would be here. Michael Myers was his patient. If Loomis read memos he's be here. Fortunately his position is more ceremonial then medical. My hope is that he's either transfer, retire, or die. +Watch it. I can safely say that Michael Myers is now in your hands. +I can safely say that Michael Myers is now in your hands. Yeah. Well I guess your happy to see him go. +Night Doc. Drive Carefully. +Not like 'ol Ben Meeker do something like that. Sure ain't. Martians could land on Ben's doorstep, all he'd do is spit once and get himself a shot gun. +Sure ain't. Martians could land on Ben's doorstep, all he'd do is spit once and get himself a shot gun. Who you calling? +Who you calling? Police station. I ain't closing down with out a good goddamn reason. +We're going to Ben's. The phone never just rings at a police station. No way. No how. +What the hell did this? Looks to me like your out of business. Now I want some answers. +Like the last time? How many people killed back then? How many kids? Al here lost his boy 10 years back. +Shit, Earl. It's Ted Holster. You dumb son of a bitch, you said you saw Myers. +Okay everybody, listen up. I've got Rachel Corruthers and her sister in the truck, and I'm taking them outta town route 410. State police are on the way. Got that? Got it Earl. +Got it Earl. Okay, out. +Kido. It's four in the morning. I can't sleep. +I can't sleep. What is this? Four nights in a row? You going for a record here? The seven year olds insomniacs hall of fame? +What is this? Four nights in a row? You going for a record here? The seven year olds insomniacs hall of fame? Do you love me Rachel? +Do you love me Rachel? Oh, serious questions tonight. Of course I love you. +Oh, serious questions tonight. Of course I love you. Like a sister? +Like a sister? Jamie, sometimes it's... +Jamie, sometimes it's... Like a real sister? +Like a real sister? We're not real sisters Jamie, but that doesn't mean I love you any less. +Sure it does. I know you miss your parents, its hasn't been that long. +I know you miss your parents, its hasn't been that long. It's been eleven months. +It's been eleven months. Your mother used to baby-sit me when I was your age. I bet you didn't know that. +Your mother used to baby-sit me when I was your age. I bet you didn't know that. Your lucky. I wish she could do the same for me. +Your lucky. I wish she could do the same for me. Come on Jamie, lets go back to bed. Come on Sunday. +Sure it is. I think tonight Brady was ready to make a commitment. But now my future relationship, my engagement, my marriage, my children, your grandchildren, have all been wiped out because I have to baby sit tonight. I'm sorry I ruined everything. If I wasn't here you could go out. +Jamie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I can go out with Brady tomorrow night. Its no big deal. But you wanted to go out tonight. It's my fault that you can't. +But you wanted to go out tonight. It's my fault that you can't. Well tonight we're going to do something better. We're going to go trick-or-treating. +Well tonight we're going to do something better. We're going to go trick-or-treating. I don't want to. +I don't want to. It's Halloween. I mean don't you want to get dresses up in a really scary costume and get some candy? +How about this afternoon I pick you up from school and we go get ice cream? Double scoops? +Double scoops? Double scoops. Now lets get some breakfast. +Hi. You ready for some Ice Cream? +You ready for some Ice Cream? I wanna go trick-or-treating like the other kids. +I wanna go trick-or-treating like the other kids. But I thought you didn't want to go trick-or-treating. +The Discount Mart. Can we get Ice Cream after? You bet. +Come on Rachel. In a second. +Jamie, what happened? It was the nightmare man +It was the nightmare man What? +What? He's coming to get me Rachel. +Rachel, can I go get my costume on? Yeah, hurry up. +Come on Rachel! Coming. +Coming. I thought you said you were ready. +I thought you said you were ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Okay, let's go. +Jamie, wait for me. This is great Rachel. Come on. +Had enough? No way! Halloween's great. Can we stay out all night? +No way! Halloween's great. Can we stay out all night? Forget it kido. We're home by eight o'clock. +Can we go home soon Rachel? Real soon, Jamie. Now shh. +Jamie! Oh Rachel! +Rachel come on. No. +No. Come on. +I'm gonna lower you to the chimney, okay Jamie? I can't. +I can't. Well try dammit! +Rachel! I've got you come on, go down. +I've got you come on, go down. Rachel! +What are you doing out here alone? Everybody's dead. I just wanna go home. +Everybody's dead. I just wanna go home. Oh no you can't. I've just been there. That's the first place he'll look for you. Where's the school house? Where is the school house? +We'll hear sirens soon. Then we'll be safe? +Then we'll be safe? Yeah. +You don't believe that do you? No. +Rachel, take your sister upstairs. First door on the right. Dad, what's going on? +Dad, what's going on? Kelly, I want you to close and lock all the downstairs windows. +Kelly, I want you to close and lock all the downstairs windows. Why? +Why? Just do it. +That's all the windows, Dad. All right. Good Good. Logan I want you right here by the front door. This is the dead bolt key. +Why don't you go make some coffee. All right. +Hi Rachel. Hi. +I didn't know you and Brady had anything okay? You knew. You just didn't care. +You knew. You just didn't care. He's not married. Besides, I've got a right to do what's best for me. +He's not married. Besides, I've got a right to do what's best for me. Don't you mean what you do best? +Don't you mean what you do best? Wise up to what men want Rachel, or Brady won't be the last man you lose to another woman. +You remember Lindsay don't you? Hi Jamie. +You know Rach, Discount Mart is having a sale on Halloween costumes. No. Brady's working there till 6:00 today. +No. Brady's working there till 6:00 today. I know! Don't you want to talk to him? +I know! Don't you want to talk to him? I don't want to look pushy. +I don't want to look pushy. You won't look pushy. +You won't look pushy. Well I don't want to come on too strong. A guy hates a girl to come on strong. Fragile egos and all of that. +Well I don't want to come on too strong. A guy hates a girl to come on strong. Fragile egos and all of that. You won't come on too strong. +You won't come on too strong. Well I don't want to seem desperate or anything. +Well I don't want to seem desperate or anything. Fact it Rach, you are desperate. Your just going to go in and buy a costume for Jamie. Perfectly legit. +Fact it Rach, you are desperate. Your just going to go in and buy a costume for Jamie. Perfectly legit. I don't know. +I don't know. Well do I drop you off at the Discount Mart or the Dairy Queen? +Well do I drop you off at the Discount Mart or the Dairy Queen? Jamie? +Call me. Okay, bye. +Hell of a night. Its not over yet. +Its not over yet. Where are you going? +Where are you going? The Corruther's house. That's where Jamie lives, that's where he'll go. +The Corruther's house. That's where Jamie lives, that's where he'll go. Leave Myers for the state boys. +Leave Myers for the state boys. The state police won't know how to stop him. +The state police won't know how to stop him. Do you? +Do you? Maybe nobody knows how to stop him, but I've got to try. +Logan, I want you to stay here in case the family gets back. Right here, Ben. +Right here, Ben. You look sharp. You understand? +You look sharp. You understand? No problem, Sheriff. +132 to 133 this is 134. This is 132, over. +This is 132, over. Ben-uh-I just heard about the station. +Go to my house. We'll call the state force from there. I'll be there in 5 minutes. +You got your riot gun? Yeah in the trunk of my squad. +Yeah in the trunk of my squad. Go get it. +Get the outside shutters. What are we doing? +What are we doing? Making sure that no one can get in here. +Making sure that no one can get in here. Isn't this all a little paranoid? +Isn't this all a little paranoid? If you'd seen that police station you wouldn't even ask. +Now I pad locked the back door, this is the only way in and out of this house. You got that? Got it Ben. +I'll be out on gateway and I doubt I'll be back before the troopers get here. Maybe you ought to wait here till they do. +Maybe you ought to wait here till they do. Hey. I got a town full of beer bellies running around in the dark with shotguns. Who's gonna be next? Somebody's wife? Somebody's kid? +I am. Ben Meeker. Oh, Sheriff Meeker, my name is Dr. ... +Oh, Sheriff Meeker, my name is Dr. ... Loomis. Folks around here aren't likely to forget your face. At least not cops. So what brings you back here after 10 years? +Loomis. Folks around here aren't likely to forget your face. At least not cops. So what brings you back here after 10 years? Michael Myers has escaped from Ridgemont. He's here in Haddonfield. +Michael Myers has escaped from Ridgemont. He's here in Haddonfield. That's impossible. Michael Myers is an invalid. +That's impossible. Michael Myers is an invalid. He's here, Sheriff. +He's here, Sheriff. Why? +Why? 10 years ago he tried to kill Laurie Strode, and now he wants her daughter. +10 years ago he tried to kill Laurie Strode, and now he wants her daughter. Are you talking about Jamie Lloyd? +Are you talking about Jamie Lloyd? Where ever she is, that little girl is in mortal danger. +Where ever she is, that little girl is in mortal danger. Myers has been locked up since before she was born. He's never laid eyes on her. +Six bodies, Sheriff! That's what I have seen between here and Ridgemont. A filling station in flames. I'm telling you Michael Myers is here in this town. He's here to kill that little girl and anybody that gets in his way. Hank, call the troopers and check his story out. And assuming what you say is true.. +Hank, call the troopers and check his story out. And assuming what you say is true.. Its true, Sheriff. +Its true, Sheriff. All right, all right. Its true, what the hell can we do to avoid a repeat of what happened 10 years ago? +All right, all right. Its true, what the hell can we do to avoid a repeat of what happened 10 years ago? Find this little girl, get her somewhere safe. Call the local T.V. station. Tell them to get people off the streets and behind locked doors. +When he makes that call. All right. Pierce, do it. Lets check on this little girl. +Something? He's been here. +He's been here. How do you know? +This is starting to spook me. Least I'm not alone. +Is that him? Is that him? Yes. +Oh Christ. Doc... Dear God. +Oh Christ. They wouldn't have given up without a fight. They didn't know what they were fighting. +How can a man do this Loomis? Tell me. It isn't a man. +It isn't a man. What is he? Tell me! What the hell are we dealing with? +What is he? Tell me! What the hell are we dealing with? Evil. +It was Michael Myers. He's come home to kill. Let it be Earl. Let the police handle it. +You son of a bitch, you just created a lynch mob. You haven't got a police force! These men may be the only defense you've got. +Where's that Deputy? Be here in a minute. +Where's the radio? Right through the kitchen you'll see the basement stairs. Brady, you know how to use a gun? +How's it powered? Batteries. I planned the generator for the house next week. I wished I hadn't waited. This is squawk 79er zero of Haddonfield broadcasting on the state police emergency frequency. Can anyone hear me? +It's over. Yes. Michael Myers is in hell, buried, where he belongs. +These kids aren't likely to forget. They've survived this ordeal, they'll survive it's memory. +Thank you. Anything for a fellow pilgrim. Sometimes we need help getting where we want to be. Reverend Jackson Pete Sayer of Dumon County, please to make your aquanauts. +How far are you going, Mr. Sayer? Gods Country, Promise Land. Where are you heading Mr..ah +Gods Country, Promise Land. Where are you heading Mr..ah Loomis. Haddonfield. +Loomis. Haddonfield. Car trouble? +Car trouble? Sort of. +Sort of. Your hunting it, ain't ya? Yeah, your hunting it all right, just like me. +Your hunting it, ain't ya? Yeah, your hunting it all right, just like me. What are you hunting, Mr. Sayer? +What are you hunting, Mr. Sayer? Apocalypse, end of the world, Armageddon. Its always got a face and a name. +I know that Mr. Sayer. Oh your a pilgrim all right. I saw it on your face back there in the dust. I saw it clear as Breasts and blue suede shoes. Would you like a drink? +Rachel, Jamie. Thank God! What's going on? +Sheriff, what is going on out there? All right Rachel, you stay by this radio. The state boys will send word once their in route. When that word comes you go tell deputy Logan. +All right Rachel, you stay by this radio. The state boys will send word once their in route. When that word comes you go tell deputy Logan. Okay. +Okay. Now you understand? +Now you understand? Uh huh. +Sheriff Meeker, we killed him. Calm down. Calm down. Are you all right? Are you all right? +Jamie! Get away! Don't touch him Jamie! +Hi, Annie, Laurie... Hi, Dad. What happened? +Hi, Dad. What happened? What? +What? What happened? +What happened? Someone broke into the hardware store. Probably kids. +Someone broke into the hardware store. Probably kids. You blame everything on kids. +You blame everything on kids. The only things missing were some Halloween masks, rope, a set of knives. What does that sound like to you? +You're going to be late at the Doyles, Annie. Huh? +You're going to be late! He shouts, too. +Why didn't you wait for me? We did. Fifteen minutes. You totally never showed up. +We did. Fifteen minutes. You totally never showed up. That's not true. Here I am. +It's been totally charted. We just talked. +We just talked. Sure. +Sure. Old jerko got caught throwing eggs and soaping windows. His parents grounded him for the weekend. He can't come over tonight. +Well, are we still on for tonight? I wouldn't want to get you in deep trouble, Lynda. +I wouldn't want to get you in deep trouble, Lynda. Come on, Annie. Bob and I have been planning on it all week. +Come on, Annie. Bob and I have been planning on it all week. All right. The Wallaces leave at seven. +What time? I don't know yet. I have to get out of taking my stupid brother trick-or- treating. +I don't know yet. I have to get out of taking my stupid brother trick-or- treating. Saving the treats for Bob? +Saving the treats for Bob? Fun-ny. See you. +What's wrong, Annie? You're not smiling. I'm never smiling again. Paul dragged me into the boys' locker room to tell me... +I'm never smiling again. Paul dragged me into the boys' locker room to tell me... Exploring uncharted territory? +Shit! I have a place for that. +I have a place for that. I forgot my chemistry book. +I'M baby sitting for the Doyles. It's only three houses away. We can keep each other company. Terrific. I've got three choices. Watch the kid sleep, listen to Lynda screw, or talk to you. +Look. Look where? +Look where? Behind that bush there. +I don't see anything. That man who drove by so fast, the one you yelled at. +That man who drove by so fast, the one you yelled at. Subtle, isn't he? Hey creep! +He was standing right here. Poor Laurie. You scared another one away. +Poor Laurie. You scared another one away. Cute. +It's tragic. You never go out. You must have a small fortune stashed from babysitting so much. The guys think I'm too smart. +Well, home sweet home. I'll see you later. Okay. Bye. +Hello? Why did you hang up on me? +Why did you hang up on me? Annie, was that you? +Annie, was that you? Of course. +Of course. Why didn't you say anything? You scared me to death. +Why didn't you say anything? You scared me to death. I had my mouth full. Couldn't you hear me? +I had my mouth full. Couldn't you hear me? I thought it was an obscene phone call. +I thought it was an obscene phone call. Now you hear obscene chewing. You're losing it, Laurie. +Now you hear obscene chewing. You're losing it, Laurie. I've already lost it. +I've already lost it. I doubt that. Listen, my mother is letting me use her car. I'll pick you up. 6:30. +I doubt that. Listen, my mother is letting me use her car. I'll pick you up. 6:30. Sure, see you later. +Sure, see you later. Bye. +You still spooked? I wasn't spooked. +I wasn't spooked. Lies. +Lies. I saw someone standing in Mr. Riddle's back yard. +I saw someone standing in Mr. Riddle's back yard. Probably Mister Riddle. +Probably Mister Riddle. He was watching me. +He was watching me. Mister Riddle was watching you? Laurie, Mister Riddle is eighty-seven. +Mister Riddle was watching you? Laurie, Mister Riddle is eighty-seven. He can still watch. +He can still watch. That's probably all he can do. +What's the pumpkin for? I brought it for Tommy. I figured making a Jack-O-Lantern would keep him occupied. +I brought it for Tommy. I figured making a Jack-O-Lantern would keep him occupied. I always said you'd make a fabulous girl scout. +I always said you'd make a fabulous girl scout. Thanks. +Thanks. For that matter, I might as well be a girl scout tonight. I plan on making popcorn and watching Doctor Dementia. Six straight hours of horror movies. Little Lindsey Wallace won't know what hit her. +I hate that dog. I'm the only person in the world he doesn't like. What's this big, big news? +What's this big, big news? What would you say if I told you that you were going to the Homecoming Dance tomorrow night? +What would you say if I told you that you were going to the Homecoming Dance tomorrow night? I'd say you must have the wrong number. +I'd say you must have the wrong number. Well, I just talked with Ben Tramer and he got real excited when I told him how attracted you were to him. +Well, I just talked with Ben Tramer and he got real excited when I told him how attracted you were to him. Annie, you didn't. Tell me you didn't. +Annie, you didn't. Tell me you didn't. You guys will make a fabulous couple. +You'll have to. He's calling you tomorrow to find out what time to pick you up. Annie! +Fancy. This has not been my night. My clothes are in the wash, I spilled butter down the front of me, I got stuck in a window... +This has not been my night. My clothes are in the wash, I spilled butter down the front of me, I got stuck in a window... I'm glad you're here because I have something I want you to do. I want you to call up Ben Tramer and tell him you were just fooling around. +I'm glad you're here because I have something I want you to do. I want you to call up Ben Tramer and tell him you were just fooling around. I can't. +I can't. Yes, you can. +Yes, you can. He went out drinking beer with Mike Godfrey and he won't be back until late. YOU'LL have to call him tomorrow. Besides, I'm on my way to pick up Paul. +Wait a minute here... If you watch her, I'll CONSIDER talking to Ben Tramer in the morning. +If you watch her, I'll CONSIDER talking to Ben Tramer in the morning. Deal. Hey, I thought Paul was grounded. +Deal. Hey, I thought Paul was grounded. He was. Old jerko found a way to sneak out. Listen, I'll call you in an hour or so. +Get him out of here! Here, Lester. +Lindsey, Lester's barking again and getting on my nerves again. No, he's not. +Annie, Paul's on the phone! Lindsey, open the door! I'm locked in the laundry room! +You locked yourself in. I know. Pull my legs. I'm stuck. +I'm scared. Then why are you sitting here with half the lights off? +Then why are you sitting here with half the lights off? I don't know. +I don't know. Well, come on, get your coat. We're going to pick up Paul. +Well, come on, get your coat. We're going to pick up Paul. I don't want to. +I don't want to. Look, Lindsey, I thought we understood each other... +Look, Lindsey, I thought we understood each other... I want to stay here and watch this. +Yes. Come with me. +Now... First we'll talk a little, then Annie will distract Lindsey and we sneak quietly up the stairs to the first bedroom on the left. Got it? Okay. First I rip your clothes off... +You idiot! ...Then you rip my clothes off. Then we rip LYNDSEY'S clothes off. I think I've got it. +...Then you rip my clothes off. Then we rip LYNDSEY'S clothes off. I think I've got it. Totally... +I wonder where they went. Annie probably took Lindsey out or something. Let's look for a note. +I can't help it. It just keeps ringing. And I can't keep you interested? +That's great. Now you'll be too drunk to... Just answer the damn phone. +Just answer the damn phone. I can't. What if it's the Wallaces!? We'd get Annie in trouble. +Fantastic. Totally. Yeah. +Yeah. Want a beer? +Want a beer? Yeah. +Yeah. Is that all you say? +Is that all you say? Yeah. +Yeah. Go get me a beer. +Go get me a beer. I thought you were gonna get one for me. +I thought you were gonna get one for me. YEAH? +My parents won't be back till ten. Are you sure? +We're all alone, aren't we? Michael's around someplace... +I gotta go. Will you call me tomorrow? +Will you call me tomorrow? Yeah, sure. +Yeah, sure. Promise? +Promise? Yeah. +Sheriff? I'm Doctor Sam Loomis. Lee Brackett. +I'd like to talk to you, if I could. May be a few minutes. I gotta stick around here... +May be a few minutes. I gotta stick around here... It's important. +Ten minutes. I'll be here. +Anybody live here? Not since 1963, since it happened. Every kid in Haddonfield thinks this place is haunted. +Not since 1963, since it happened. Every kid in Haddonfield thinks this place is haunted. They may be right. +Come on... A skunk could have killed it... Could have... +A man wouldn't do that... He isn't a man. +I suppose I do seem a bit sinister for a doctor. Looks like to me you're just plain scared. +Looks like to me you're just plain scared. I am. I met him fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left, no conscience, no reason, no understanding, in even the most rudimentary sense, of life or death or right or wrong. I met this six- year-old boy with a blank, cold emotionless face and the blackest of eyes, the Devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him and another seven trying to keep him locked away when I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... evil. +What do we do? He was here, earlier tonight, and he may be coming back. I'm going to wait for him. +He was here, earlier tonight, and he may be coming back. I'm going to wait for him. I keep thinking I should call the radio and TV stations... +I keep thinking I should call the radio and TV stations... If you do they'll be seeing him everywhere, on every street corner, in every house. Just tell your men to shut their mouths and open their eyes. +If you do they'll be seeing him everywhere, on every street corner, in every house. Just tell your men to shut their mouths and open their eyes. I'll check back in an hour. +Jesus! You all right? +You all right? Sure... +Sure... Nothing's going on. Just kids playing pranks, trick or treating, partying, getting high... I have the feeling you're way off on this... +Nothing's going on. Just kids playing pranks, trick or treating, partying, getting high... I have the feeling you're way off on this... You have the wrong feeling. +You have the wrong feeling. You're not coming up with much to prove me wrong. +You're not coming up with much to prove me wrong. Exactly what do you need? +Exactly what do you need? Well, it's going to take more than fancy talk to keep me up all night creeping around these bushes. +Well, it's going to take more than fancy talk to keep me up all night creeping around these bushes. I watched him for fifteen years, sitting in a room staring at a wall, not seeing the wall, seeing past it, seeing THIS NIGHT. He's waited for it, inhumanly patient. Hour after hour, day after day, waiting for some silent, invisible alarm to trigger him. Death has arrived in your little town, sheriff. You can ignore it, or you can help me stop it. +I watched him for fifteen years, sitting in a room staring at a wall, not seeing the wall, seeing past it, seeing THIS NIGHT. He's waited for it, inhumanly patient. Hour after hour, day after day, waiting for some silent, invisible alarm to trigger him. Death has arrived in your little town, sheriff. You can ignore it, or you can help me stop it. More fancy talk... You want to know what Haddonfield is? Families. Children, all lined up in rows, up and down these streets. You're telling me they're lined up for a slaughterhouse. +More fancy talk... You want to know what Haddonfield is? Families. Children, all lined up in rows, up and down these streets. You're telling me they're lined up for a slaughterhouse. They could be. +They could be. I'll stay out with you tonight, Doctor, just on the chance that you're right. And if you are right, damn you for letting him out. +Where were you? I went back to the Myers house... I found the car! He's here! +I found the car! He's here! Where? +Where? Three blocks down. Get in the car and go up that other street and then back down here. I'm going up the block. +It's totally insane! We have three new cheers to learn in the morning, the game in the afternoon, I get my hair done at five, and the dance is at eight. I'll be totally wiped out! I think you have too much to do tomorrow. +I think you have too much to do tomorrow. TOTALLY! +TOTALLY! As usual, I don't have anything to do. +As usual, I don't have anything to do. It's your own fault and I don't feel sorry for you. +I thought you were babysitting tonight. The only reason she babysits is to have a place to... +Isn't that David Graham? He's cute. I don't think so... +Annie, some day you're going to get us all in deep trouble. Totally. +Hi, Laurie, what's up? Nothing. I was just sitting down for the first time tonight. +Nothing. I was just sitting down for the first time tonight. Is Annie around? +Is Annie around? No. I thought she'd be home by now. She went to pick up Paul. +No. I thought she'd be home by now. She went to pick up Paul. Well, she's totally not here. +Well, she's totally not here. They probably stopped off somewhere. Have her call me when she gets back. I've got Lyndsey here and I want to know what time to put her to bed. +They probably stopped off somewhere. Have her call me when she gets back. I've got Lyndsey here and I want to know what time to put her to bed. Okay. Later. +Okay. Later. Have a good time. +Hey, Laurie... Hi, Tommy. +Are you coming over tonight? Same time, same place. +Same time, same place. Can we make Jack-O-Lanterns? +Can we make Jack-O-Lanterns? Sure. +Sure. Can we watch the monster movies? +Can we watch the monster movies? Sure. +Sure. Will you read to me? Can we make popcorn? +Will you read to me? Can we make popcorn? Sure. Sure. +Yes, I am. Uh-uh. That's a spook house. +Uh-uh. That's a spook house. Just watch. +Lonnie Elam said never to go up there. Lonnie Elam said that's a haunted house. He said real awful stuff happened there once. Lonnie Elam probably won't get out of the sixth grade. +I gotta go. I'll see you tonight. See you. +"...""how now, cried Arthur. 'Then no one may pass this way without a fight?' 'That is so,' answered the night in a bold and haughty manner...""" I don't like that story. +I don't like that story. But king Arthur was always your favorite. +Not any more. Why are they under there? +Why are they under there? Mom doesn't like me to have them. +'Neutron Man'... 'Laser Man'... I can see why. 'Tarantula Man'... Laurie, what's the Boogey Man? +Laurie... I'm so embarrassed. I couldn't face him... +What about the Jack-O-Lantern? After the movie. +After the movie. What about the rest of my comic books? +What about the rest of my comic books? After the Jack-O-Lantern. +After the Jack-O-Lantern. What about the bogyman? +What about the bogyman? There is no such thing. +There is no such thing. Richie said he was coming after me tonight. +Richie said he was coming after me tonight. Do you believe everything that Richie tells you? +Do you believe everything that Richie tells you? No... +No... Tommy, Halloween night is when you play tricks on people and scare them. It's all make believe. +I saw the bogyman. I saw him outside. There was no one outside. +There was no one outside. There WAS. +There WAS. What did he look like? +What did he look like? The bogyman! +The bogyman! We're no getting anywhere. All right, look, Tommy. The bogyman can only come out on Halloween night, right? +We're no getting anywhere. All right, look, Tommy. The bogyman can only come out on Halloween night, right? Right. +Right. And I'm here tonight and I won't let him get to you. +And I'm here tonight and I won't let him get to you. Promise? +Promise? I promise. +I promise. Can we make the Jack-O-Lantern now? +Tommy, stop it! You're scaring Lindsey. I saw him... +I saw him... I said, stop it! There is no bogyman. There's nothing out there. If you don't stop all this, I'm turning off the TV and you go to bed. +Who is it? Tommy, let me in! +Tommy, I want you to go back upstairs... What is it, Laurie? +What is it, Laurie? Be quiet! Get Lindsey and get into the bedroom and lock the door! +Be quiet! Get Lindsey and get into the bedroom and lock the door! I'm scared... +I'm scared... DO WHAT I SAY! NOW! +DO WHAT I SAY! NOW! It's the bogyman, isn't it? +It's the bogyman, isn't it? HURRY! +Now I want you to change your clothes, Tommy. We're going to take a walk outside. Was it the bogyman? +Are you sure? Yes. +Yes. How? +How? I killed him... +I killed him... But you can't kill the bogyman. +Laurie, you come with us... No! Do as I say. +Everybody has a good time tonight. Okay, kids, what do you want to do now? Let's make more popcorn. +Let's make more popcorn. You've had enough. Why don't we just sit down and watch the rest of this movie. +I'm scared! There's nothing to be scared of now. Get changed. +Now, I want you to walk to the door, down the stairs and right out the front door. You're coming with us... +You're coming with us... Listen to me. I want you to walk down the street to the MacKensie's and knock on their door. You tell them to call the police and send them over here. Do you understand? +Hello. Hi, Lindsey, this is Paul. Is Annie there? +Hi, Lindsey, this is Paul. Is Annie there? Yes, she is. +Yes, she is. Will you get her for me? +Will you get her for me? She's washing her clothes. +She's washing her clothes. Well, go tell her it's me, okay? +Well, go tell her it's me, okay? Okay. +I'm not responsible, Sam. Of course not. +Of course not. I've given them his profile. +I've given them his profile. You must have told them we shocked him into a grinning idiot. Two roadblocks and an all-points bulletin wouldn't stop a five-year-old! +He was your patient, Doctor. If the precautions weren't sufficient, you should have notified... I notified everybody! Nobody listened. +I notified everybody! Nobody listened. There's nothing else I can do. +There's nothing else I can do. You can get back on the telephone and tell them exactly what walked out of here last night. And tell them where he's going. +You can get back on the telephone and tell them exactly what walked out of here last night. And tell them where he's going. PROBABLY going. +PROBABLY going. I'm wasting time. +Sam, Haddonfield is a hundred and fifty miles from here. How could he get there? He can't drive. He was doing all right last night. Maybe somebody around here gave him lessons. +...then he gets another physical by the state, and he makes his appearance before the judge. That should take four hours if we're lucky, then we're on our way. What did you use before? +What did you use before? Thorazin. +Thorazin. He'll barely be able to sit up. +He'll barely be able to sit up. That's the idea. Here we are. +The driveway's a few hundred yards up on your right. Are there any special instructions? +Are there any special instructions? Just try to understand what we're dealing with here. Don't underestimate it. +Just try to understand what we're dealing with here. Don't underestimate it. I think we should refer to 'it' as 'him.' +I think we should refer to 'it' as 'him.' If you say so. +If you say so. Your compassion is overwhelming, Doctor. +Ever done anything like this before? Only minimum security. +Only minimum security. I see. +I see. What does that mean? +What does that mean? It means... I see. +It means... I see. You don't have to make this harder than it already is. +You don't have to make this harder than it already is. I couldn't if I tried. +I couldn't if I tried. The only thin that ever bothers me is their jibberish. When they start raving on and on... +The only thin that ever bothers me is their jibberish. When they start raving on and on... You don't have anything to worry about. He hasn't spoken a word in 15 years. +Pull up to the entrance! Shouldn't we pick him up? +Shouldn't we pick him up? Move it! +What did he say? He asked me if I could help him find his purple lawnmower. +He asked me if I could help him find his purple lawnmower. I don't think this is any time to be funny... +I don't think this is any time to be funny... "He said something else. ""It's all right now. He's gone. The evil's gone.""" +...any sister talk? Mm-mm! +Oh, good... Come in, come in. +Come in, come in. ...because there are no interesting single men at this party! +...because there are no interesting single men at this party! Oh, listen... +Hm-mm. Oh, yeah. I met Phil. Mmm? +Mmm? He's the--He looks like Ichabod Crane? +I love that. That's my type. I can't believe it! +We need more bread and some baked lasa-- uh, lasagne. Hi. I know. You're an actress with a great flair for shrimp puffs. +I know. You're an actress with a great flair for shrimp puffs. Uh, no, the shrimp puffs are Holly's. I do the, uh, crêpes caviar. +And the quail is responsible for the quail eggs. Well, let's hope so. +Hi. Oh. +Wha-- What kind of things do you build? Are you really interested? +Are you really interested? Yeah. +You know, April, people pass by vital structures in this city all the time, and they never take the time to appreciate them. I get the feeling you tune in to your environment. Oh-- +What are your favorite buildings, David? You want to see some? +You want to see some? Oh, yeah. +Oh, yeah. Well, let's do it. +Well, let's do it. Great. +That's just -- Look at this. +Yeah. A lot of works. +Uh, who gets dropped first? Uh -- +Yeah. And then, uh, April...huh? +And then, uh, April...huh? Great. +I know. It's terrible! I mean, I've looked everywhere. +No, really, I really like him a lot. No, really, we mustn't get discouraged. +Hannah will invite some men over who don't look like Ichabod Crane. Mmm. +We're a big hit. Oh, in this we're a big hit. Yesterday I auditioned for Come Back Little Sheba. That, I wasn't such a big hit. +Wow, it's the red one? Oh, it's magnificent! +Oh! Oh, is that what it is? +Oh, is that what it is? Uh-- APRIL I-i-it has an o-organic quality, you know. +Uh-- APRIL I-i-it has an o-organic quality, you know. Right. +Right. It's almost...almost, uhhh, entirely wholly interdependent, if you know what I mean. I-I... I can't put it into words. The important thing is-is-is it-it breathes. +It's French, though. It really is. Yeah. +Yeah. It feels like you're in France. +That's disgusting! ...a monstrosity! Who would do that? +...a monstrosity! Who would do that? It's really terrible. +Well...we have seen a lot of stuff today, though. Yeah. +Oh, geez, yeah. Okay. +Well, I live downtown. Yeah, I, we both live downtown. +Uh... It depends on what way you want to go. +It depends on what way you want to go. Well, wait. You know what? I know. +Well, wait. You know what? I know. Uh... +Uh... If...well, if we took the, if we took Fifth, then-then-then we'd get to your house first, yeah? +Well, sometimes, some, uh... I mean, it's jammed. If we went... um... +I'm telling you, you sounded great. You, uh, you may be surprised. Oh, I'm just glad we have a catering job this week. I'm real low on money. +Oh, I'm just glad we have a catering job this week. I'm real low on money. Yeah, we have Mr. Morris Levine's eightieth birthday party on Riverside Drive...or Riverside Memorial Chapel, depending on his health. +Yeah, we have Mr. Morris Levine's eightieth birthday party on Riverside Drive...or Riverside Memorial Chapel, depending on his health. Oh, uh, listen, David called me up. +Oh, uh, listen, David called me up. What? +What? Uh, David called me last night, and he wants to take me to the opera. I didn't know what to say. +Uh, David called me last night, and he wants to take me to the opera. I didn't know what to say. You're joking. +You're joking. No, he called late last night. +No, he called late last night. I, uh, I'm very surprised. +I, uh, I'm very surprised. He wants to take me to see Rigoletto. +He wants to take me to see Rigoletto. And you, you-you're going? +And you, you-you're going? Well, I-I-I didn't know what to say. First I said no, but then, he pressed it. He said, uh, he'd taken you once and he really wanted to invite me. +Well, I-I-I didn't know what to say. First I said no, but then, he pressed it. He said, uh, he'd taken you once and he really wanted to invite me. But I'm seeing him. +But I'm seeing him. I know. I said that, but... he said it was something he really felt like doing. +I know. I said that, but... he said it was something he really felt like doing. Gee, um... I...I don't know what to say. +Gee, um... I...I don't know what to say. Look, it's just an evening at the opera. Did I, I-I do wrong in accepting? +Oh, that was a wonderful show. I think that's the best show you two ever wrote. No, the funniest show that Mickey and I ever did was the one we won the Emmy for. +Mm-hm. Yeah, it was funny, it was very funny. But the show was about the two Frenchmen, now that was funny and it was warm. +We got that idea on that trip to Paris. Right. +Right. Hmm? +Hmm? Do you remember that summer in France? Hannah, you had jet lag for six straight weeks. +I gave blood before and, uh... clothing to the poor. Okay, Norman, listen, I really want to talk about this at home. I think it's a matter for your analyst...and mine. +Okay, Norman, listen, I really want to talk about this at home. I think it's a matter for your analyst...and mine. And maybe my lawyer. +Excuse me, are there any more claims? Only a few. A few. Do you like 'em? +Only a few. A few. Do you like 'em? I can't resist. +I can't resist. Really? How flattering! Did you try the shrimp puffs? +Really? How flattering! Did you try the shrimp puffs? Listen, you guys are too attractive to be caterers. Something's wrong. +Listen, you guys are too attractive to be caterers. Something's wrong. We're actresses. +We're actresses. Is this your first job? +Is this your first job? Really? Is the food that bad? +Really? Is the food that bad? Oh no. Not at all. +Here, I stole you a couple of extra clams. Ah! HOLLY Now. +You're Holly. Yeah, we're the Stanislavski Catering Company. +Yeah, we're the Stanislavski Catering Company. Now I'm going to tell you the truth. I really came in here because I was bored stiff by the party. +Now I'm going to tell you the truth. I really came in here because I was bored stiff by the party. What makes you think we're more interesting? +We saw, um, Pavarotti, eh, uh, in Ernani at the Met, and I cried... I cry at the opera. +Oh, what, what do you do? I'm an architect. +Yeah. What time do you get off? +Yeah. It's terrific! +The design's deliberately noncontextural. But I wanted to... keep the atmosphere of the street, you know, and the proportions. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. And in the material. That's...that's unpolished red granite. +Oh, it's just so romantic. I just want to put on a long gown... Yes. +Yes. ...and open the French doors and go on the balcony -- +And it's got a handsome partner sitting right beside it. Yeah. +Yeah. They fit right in together. And your eye goes along, lulled into complacency, and then... +It's really sad. And it ruins everything else. +And it ruins everything else. It does. +Yeah. Maybe we should start thinking about going home, huh? +Maybe we should start thinking about going home, huh? Fast. +Oh, gee, I don't know. Um... Well... +We could...we could do that. Right. Yeah, but Fifth is so jammed, isn't it? +Y-you live in Chelsea, don't you? Yes. +Yes. Well, I-I guess if you live in Chelsea, that's probably first. +Well, I-I guess if you live in Chelsea, that's probably first. Oh, okay. +So what's the, uh, problem this time? This time I really think I have something. +So, so, but it was when I was younger, so-- You know, I saw your father this week about his sinus... +You know, I saw your father this week about his sinus... Mm-hm. +Mm-hm. ...and, uh, he complained of chest pains. +...and, uh, he complained of chest pains. Well, this guy's the real hypochondriac of the family. I mean, he's, you know, he's-- +Well, this guy's the real hypochondriac of the family. I mean, he's, you know, he's-- You mentioned on the phone that you'd had some dizziness. +You mentioned on the phone that you'd had some dizziness. Yes, a little dizziness, and I think, I think I'm developing a hearing loss in my right ear ...or my left ear, my, my left...oh, n-n-n-no. No, I'm sorry. It was my right, my right, my right or my left ear. +Now I ca-can't remember. Let's take a look. +Well, I'm sorry to say you have had a significant drop in the high- decibel range of your right ear. Really?! +Have you been exposed to a loud noise recently, or did you have a virus? No, I-I've been perfectly healthy. You know me. +I always, I-I always imagine that I have things. When did you first notice this? +When did you first notice this? Oh, uh, about a month ago. Wha- what do I have? +You've had some dizzy spells. What about ringing and buzzing? Have you, uh, noticed any of that? Yes, now-now that you mention it, uh, I-I-I have, uh, buzzing and also ringing. Ringing and buzzing. Um, am I going deaf, or something? +Yes, now-now that you mention it, uh, I-I-I have, uh, buzzing and also ringing. Ringing and buzzing. Um, am I going deaf, or something? And it's just in one ear? +And it's just in one ear? Yes, is it, is it, uh, healthier to have problems in both ears? +What I'd like to do, is to make an appointment for you at the hospital. I'd like to have them run some tests. The hospital? What kind of tests? +Now, don't get alarmed. These are just more sophisticated audiometry tests than I can run here. I mean, it's, it's nothing. Well, if it's nothing, then why do I have to go into the hospital at all? I mean, uh, I hear perfectly fine, so I'm, so I'm a little weak on the, on the high decibels. So I, you know, I won't go to the opera. +Well, if it's nothing, then why do I have to go into the hospital at all? I mean, uh, I hear perfectly fine, so I'm, so I'm a little weak on the, on the high decibels. So I, you know, I won't go to the opera. You know, there's no reason for panic. I just want to rule out some things. +You know, there's no reason for panic. I just want to rule out some things. Like what? +Like what? It's nothing. Will you trust me? +Dusty's just bought a huge house in Southampton and he's in the process of decorating it. Yeah. It's kind of a weird place, actually. A lotta wall space. +How ya doin', man? I told him about your work, and he's very excited. +I told him about your work, and he's very excited. Yeah, I got an Andy Warhol. And I got a Frank Stella, too. Oh, it's very beautiful. Big, weird...you know. If you stare at that Stella too long, the colors just seem to float. It's kinda weird. +What a weirdo that guy is! Paranoid. What's the matter with you? Look I-I-I'll be okay. I'll be okay. +Look I-I-I'll be okay. I'll be okay. It's not that big a deal. We just didn't hit it off. +It's not that big a deal. We just didn't hit it off. Now, look, you-you-you go on ahead. +Now, look, you-you-you go on ahead. Are you okay? You look-- You're sweatin'. ELLIOT Yeah. Yeah, I just-just need so- some-some fresh air. It's probably something I ate. I'll-I'll walk. You go ahead. +Hi, Dusty. Hi. +Are you excited about becoming a collector? DUSTY Yeah. Yeah? +Yeah? I got a lot more to learn, though. I really wasn't into art when I was a kid. +I got a lot more to learn, though. I really wasn't into art when I was a kid. Uh-huh. +Frederick's done this whole new series that I'm sure you would really love. Well, are...are they big? +Well, are...are they big? Yeah. Some of them...yeah, some of them are very big. +Yeah. Some of them...yeah, some of them are very big. 'Cause I got a lot of wall space there. +You-- Standards and Practices? Ed Smythe, yes. +Ed Smythe, yes. Okay. Why, all of a sudden, is the sketch dirty? +Child molestation is a touchy subject... Could you-- +Could you-- ...with the affiliates. +...with the affiliates. Read the papers! Half the country's doing it! +Read the papers! Half the country's doing it! Yes, but you name names. +Yes, but you name names. We nev-- We don't name names! We say the Pope. +We-- ...cannot go on the air. +Oh, you know, I, I love that book you lent me. The Easter Parade? You were right. It had very special meaning for me. How's Frederick? He didn't come. +Oh, well, you know Frederick. One of his moods. Although it wasn't a bad week. He uh, sold a picture. Oh, great. +Really? So, so, what else? Wh- what are you up to? Oh, I don't know. My unemployment checks are running out. Um, I was thinking of taking some courses at Columbia with the last of my savings. +Like, uh...? I don't know exactly. +Yeah. ...ex-husband on the street the other day. +Oh, my goodness! Oh, Elliot! +Oh, Elliot! Hi. +Hi. What are you doing here? +What are you doing here? Well, I'm-I'm looking for a bookstore. +Well, I'm-I'm looking for a bookstore. Oh, what, in this section of town? +Oh, what, in this section of town? Yes. Yeah, I-I'm kill-- +Yes. Yeah, I-I'm kill-- You're out looking here? +You're out looking here? Well, yes, I'm killing time. I have a client near here and I...I'm quite early. +Well, yes, I'm killing time. I have a client near here and I...I'm quite early. Ohhhh! +Ohhhh! How about you? +How about you? Oh. Well, I live-- +Oh. Well, I live-- Oh, yes! You live near here, don't you? +Oh, yes! You live near here, don't you? Yes, I do. +Yes, I do. Where are you headed? +Where are you headed? Oh, I was just going to my AA meeting. ELLIOT Oh, my goodness. Well, why do you still go to those? You never tough alcohol. +Well, listen, you didn't know me before Frederick. I'd...I'd start with a beer at about ten in the morning, and...go on. Oh. You must have been, uh, very unhappy. +Oh. You must have been, uh, very unhappy. Yeah, unhappy and fat. And I still find the meetings very comforting, you know. +I'll never understand it. You're so bright and charming and beautiful. Oh, God. +Oh, God. I think to myself what problems could she possibly have? +I think to myself what problems could she possibly have? Don't let me get started on my childhood. Oh, you know what? There is a bookstore. +Don't let me get started on my childhood. Oh, you know what? There is a bookstore. Yes? LEE A couple of blocks from here. If you don't know about it, you should. You'd really love it. +Yes? LEE A couple of blocks from here. If you don't know about it, you should. You'd really love it. Yes? +Yes? Yeah, you would. +Yeah, you would. Well, i-if-if you have some free time... +Well, i-if-if you have some free time... Yeah, sure. +Isn't this great? They have everything here. Yes, it's-it's wonderful. +Yes, it's-it's wonderful. What book did you want to buy? ELLIOT What? Book? +Oh, book? Oh, no, I... I'm killing time. I...I-I just, uh, w-want to browse, uh... Well, you sure picked the right place. I mean, you can stay here all afternoon, not buy anything and just read. +Unless, of course, if-if you had some time, I mean, we could get some coffee. No, I don't have time. +No, no. I-I-I understand completely. No problem. Y-you're busy. I-I-I... You seem tense. Is everything all right? You feel okay? +You seem tense. Is everything all right? You feel okay? No! No... +No! No... No? +No? Uh, yes! +Uh, yes! Yes? +Yes. Everything's okay? +Yeah. How are you? I'm...all right. +I'm...all right. How-how's Frederick? +Fine. Oh, we went to the Caravaggio exhibition at the Met. It's such a treat to go through a museum with Frederick. I mean...you learn so much. Do you like Caravaggio? Oh, yes. Who doesn't? Look! +e.e. cummings. I'd like to get you this. Oh, no, I can't let you get me that. That's too much. +Oh, no, I can't let you get me that. That's too much. Oh, oh, yes. I-I-I-'d like to, uh, uh, very much. +Oh, oh, yes. I-I-I-'d like to, uh, uh, very much. No, I don't think so. +No, I don't think so. I-I read a poem of you and thought of his last week. A poem of his and thought of you last-- You'll be fine, though. Lee walks over to Elliot in the center aisle. She looks at the book. +I-I read a poem of you and thought of his last week. A poem of his and thought of you last-- You'll be fine, though. Lee walks over to Elliot in the center aisle. She looks at the book. Uh, uh, this is great. I mean, I love e.e. cummings, but I can't let you get this. +Uh, uh, this is great. I mean, I love e.e. cummings, but I can't let you get this. Yes, I'd...I-I-I'd love, I'd love to get you this. +Yes, I'd...I-I-I'd love, I'd love to get you this. Well, sure. +Well, sure. And-and maybe, um...maybe we could discuss it sometime. +Well, thanks a lot. Thanks for showing me the bookstore. Perhaps you could, uh, take me to an AA meeting sometime. Uh...uh, I'd love to see what goes on. +Thanks for showing me the bookstore. Perhaps you could, uh, take me to an AA meeting sometime. Uh...uh, I'd love to see what goes on. Well, yeah, yeah. You'd love it. It's really entertaining. You'd have a good time. I know you would. +Well, yeah, yeah. You'd love it. It's really entertaining. You'd have a good time. I know you would. And, uh, d-don't forget the poem on page a hundred and twelve. It reminded me of you. +Page a hundred and twelve. Bye. +Bye. Bye. +How's everything? Oh, you know...I talked to Hannah this morning on the phone, and she said that you two might be going to the country for the weekend. +Oh, you know...I talked to Hannah this morning on the phone, and she said that you two might be going to the country for the weekend. Yeah, she loves to go out in the woods. +Yeah, she loves to go out in the woods. Oh, yeah. +Oh, yeah. But I go nuts. It's a conflict. +I have to get my teeth cleaned this week. Oh, that's nice. +I figured I'd get, uh, Frederick and Dusty together. Oh, yeah, that's really nice of you. +Oh, yeah, that's really nice of you. Yes. This kid, he's earned a trillion dollars. +Yes. This kid, he's earned a trillion dollars. Oh. +Oh. He's got like six gold records. +He's got like six gold records. Oh, speaking of records...I bought that Mozart Trio you recommended... +Oh, you-you have that one? Yeah. +Yeah. Oh, I would love to hear it. +Oh, and Holly met a wonderful man who loves opera. An architect. Oh, that's nice. I'd love to see her wind up settled. She's a tense one. +Isn't that beautiful? I know this. Bach. F Minor Concerto. It's one of my favorites. +Uh...did you ever get around to e.e. cummings? Yes, he's just adorable. +They have a very large gay clientele, you know, where I get my teeth cleaned, and...all the hygienists now wear gloves because they're afraid of AIDS. Oh, right. +Did you ever get around to the poem on page a hundred and twelve? Yes, it made me cry it was so beautiful...so romantic. +And be ready to make light of the offer if she's unresponsive. This has to be done very skillfully, very diplomatically. Did you ever read this one--? +Elliot! Don't! Lee! Lee! Lee, I'm in love with you. +Oh! What are you doing?! +What are you doing?! I...I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm sorry. I have to talk to you for... There's so much that I want to tell you. +Elliot! I have been in love with you for so long. +I was looking for you. I, I must apologize. I-I'm, I-I'm sorry. I'm so mixed up. +I, I must apologize. I-I'm, I-I'm sorry. I'm so mixed up. Well, how do you expect me to react to such a thing? +Wh--, uh, I know, I know but, I am in love with you. Oh, don't say those words! +Oh, don't say those words! I-I, I'm sorry. I know it's terrible. +I-I, I'm sorry. I know it's terrible. Why, you know the situation. +I know! I-I-I-I, I realize. What do you expect me to say? +What do you expect me to say? Hannah and I are in the last stages. +Hannah and I are in the last stages. Wh-- She's never said anything, and we're very close. She'd tell me such a thing. +Wh-- She's never said anything, and we're very close. She'd tell me such a thing. Wh--, it-it-it-it, it's so sad. She's crazy about me, but somewhere on the, along the line, I've fallen out of love with her. +Wh--, it-it-it-it, it's so sad. She's crazy about me, but somewhere on the, along the line, I've fallen out of love with her. Not because of me, I hope. +Not because of me, I hope. Oh, no, no. Well, yes! I love you. +Oh, no, no. Well, yes! I love you. Oh, I can't be the cause of anything between you and Hannah. I jus-- +Oh, I can't be the cause of anything between you and Hannah. I jus-- Oh, no, no, no. It, uh, it-it-it- it was i-inevitable that Hannah and I part, anyway. +Oh, no, no, no. It, uh, it-it-it- it was i-inevitable that Hannah and I part, anyway. Why? +Why? Tch, w-well, for a million reasons. +Tch, w-well, for a million reasons. But not over me? +But not over me? Tch, no! We were, we were both going in different directions. +Tch, no! We were, we were both going in different directions. Poor Hannah. +Poor Hannah. But-but, but how about you? Do you, do you share any of my feelings? Or is this just an unpleasant embarrassment to you? +But-but, but how about you? Do you, do you share any of my feelings? Or is this just an unpleasant embarrassment to you? I can't say anything! +I can't say anything! W-well, please be candid. I, I-I don't want you to feel bad. +W-well, please be candid. I, I-I don't want you to feel bad. Yes! But I...I have certain feelings for you, but don't make me say anything more, all right? +O-o-o-okay, Lee. Okay, okay. You, you, y-you've said enough. It's my responsibility now. I will work things out. Look, don't do anything on my behalf. I live with Frederick, and Hannah and I are close. +Look, don't do anything on my behalf. I live with Frederick, and Hannah and I are close. Yes, but you, you do care about me. +Yes, but you, you do care about me. Oh, Elliot, please! I can't be a party to this! I'm suddenly wracked with guilt just standing her talking to you on the street! +Your guilt is because you feel the same. Oh, please, I have to go. I have to get my teeth cleaned. +I thought you weren't coming. I almost didn't. +I almost didn't. Lee... uh... +Lee... uh... I didn't sleep all night. +I didn't sleep all night. No, no-no-no, I'm sure. +I-I couldn't think where to invite you without taking risks. I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen till you were living alone. I was so torn when you called. +This is not an easy situation. I know it isn't. +That was just perfect. You've ruined me for anyone else. I don't want anyone else ever to have you. +I don't want anyone else ever to have you. I was so worried I wouldn't compare with Hannah. +I was so worried I wouldn't compare with Hannah. Oh, my God. +You really do have those thoughts, don't you? Oh, all the time. +I know she must be a really passionate person. Yes, she's, she's very warm, but, but it-it's me that wants to be giving to you. I-I-I want to do things for you. Hannah doesn't need me as much. I'm being presumptuous. Not that you need me. +Yes, she's, she's very warm, but, but it-it's me that wants to be giving to you. I-I-I want to do things for you. Hannah doesn't need me as much. I'm being presumptuous. Not that you need me. I want you to take care of me... And I love when you do things to me. +You've been very cold to me tonight. No. +No. Is something wrong? +Is something wrong? Oh, not here. There are too many people around. +It's over, Elliot. I don't know how to make it any clearer. It's over. I can't see you anymore. Uh... I-I-I know. I deserve this. +Uh... I-I-I know. I deserve this. Look, I'm just as much at fault. +Look, I'm just as much at fault. If-if-if you can believe I have such feelings for you! +If-if-if you can believe I have such feelings for you! I've got to be honest with you. I met someone else. I've met someone else. I...I told you I wasn't going to wait forever. +But it hasn't been forever. It's been nearly a year since our first time and you're still married to my sister, which...I now realize is fine because you're probably much more in love with her than you know. +It's been nearly a year since our first time and you're still married to my sister, which...I now realize is fine because you're probably much more in love with her than you know. Yeah, but we-we made so many plans. +Yeah, but we-we made so many plans. Yeah. Uh, well, sure we did. An- an-and in a way you led me on, because I truly believed you were unhappy with Hannah. Otherwise, I would never have let myself be drawn in. I was very weak. So were you. Now I've met someone else. +And you're in love overnight? I care a great deal about him, yes. +I care a great deal about him, yes. Lee... +Lee... Ah, it's over! Elliot, I mean it. It's over! +Mm-hm? Have you tried these? These are wonderful. Holly and her friend made them. +They're fantastic. Aren't they great? +Aren't they great? Your sister is an unbelievable cook. +Your sister is an unbelievable cook. I know! I know! +She has all the cooking talent. No, she doesn't, either. You've got tons as well. +No, she doesn't, either. You've got tons as well. Ohhh, but I've eaten five of these. +Great idea. I know. +I know. That's where your talent lies. +God, Mickey's such a hypochondriac. I wonder how he'd handle it if there was ever anything really wrong with him? Let's go have dinner, shall we? +Let's go have dinner, shall we? Mmm. +You bet. Holly and April, thanks for helping. +Where're you going? I've, uh...gotta find, gotta get a phone number in my desk. I forgot to phone Mel Kaufman. +I've, uh...gotta find, gotta get a phone number in my desk. I forgot to phone Mel Kaufman. It's so late. +It's so late. Yeah, I know. I-I can't believe I forgot. +Are you in a bad mood? I don't know. Um...I'm just antsy. +Yes. I know. The last few weeks, you haven't been yourself. And tonight at, tonight at dinner, you, you were kind of curt with me. Was I? +Was I? Yes, you were. A-and when I, when I brought up the idea of having a baby, you just, you jumped down my throat. +Yes, you were. A-and when I, when I brought up the idea of having a baby, you just, you jumped down my throat. Well, I-I don't think it's a very good idea. +Well, I-I don't think it's a very good idea. Why not? +Why not? Because it's the last thing in the world we need right now. +Because it's the last thing in the world we need right now. Why do you say that? Is there something wrong? +Why do you say that? Is there something wrong? I don't know. +I don't know. Well, tell me. Should I be worried? +Well, tell me. Should I be worried? But, you got four children! +But, you got four children! I want one with you. +I want one with you. Well...I-I think we should wait till things settle. +Well...I-I think we should wait till things settle. But what do, what do you-- what's that mean? W-w-we've been, we've been married for four years. How settled can things get? +But what do, what do you-- what's that mean? W-w-we've been, we've been married for four years. How settled can things get? You know, y-you have some very set plans on how your life should be structured. A-a house, uh, kids, certain schools, a h--, a home in Connecticut. I-it's all very...preconceived. +You know, y-you have some very set plans on how your life should be structured. A-a house, uh, kids, certain schools, a h--, a home in Connecticut. I-it's all very...preconceived. Yeah, but I...uh--I thought you needed that. When-when-when we met, you said your life was chaos. +Yeah, but I...uh--I thought you needed that. When-when-when we met, you said your life was chaos. I-I-I know, but there's got to be some give and take. +Oh, let's not--I, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Are you angry with me? +Are you angry with me? No! +No! Do you feel, um...are you disenchanted with our marriage? +Do you feel, um...are you disenchanted with our marriage? I didn't say that. +I didn't say that. Are you in love with someone else? +Are you in love with someone else? My God! Wha-what is this? The Gestapo? No. +Well, what? What, wh-what are you not telling me? What kind of interrogation... Su- supposing I said yes? I-I-I am disenchanted. I am in love with someone else. +What kind of interrogation... Su- supposing I said yes? I-I-I am disenchanted. I am in love with someone else. Are you? +Are you? No! But you keep asking these, these awful questions. My God, it's-it's like you want me to say yes! +No! But you keep asking these, these awful questions. My God, it's-it's like you want me to say yes! What, you, of c-- What are you talking about? Of course not. I'd be destroyed! +Have you been talking to Holly or Lee about us? About our-our personal life? Me? Of course not. HANNAH There's things Holly wrote about in her script about us that are so...personal they could only have come from you. +I'm not accusing. I'm asking. Do you...do you find me too...too giving? Too-too-too competent? Too-too, I don't know, disgustingly perfect or something? No. +Well, what is it then? What? Eh, what's come between us? How have I alienated you? Hannah, my head is throbbing. HANNAH You never want to talk about it. I-- Every time I bring it up, you- you change the subject. What is it? Do you-- We're communicating less and less. You sleep with me less and less. +Do you talk to Holly or Lee behind my back? Do you? You must. They- they seem to know so much about us. Well, maybe I've asked advice once or twice or-or made a joke. +Well, what do you do? Do-do-do you talk to Holly, or Lee, or what? Do you, do you, do you phone them? Leave me alone, can you?! +You matter to me. Completely. It's hard to be around someone who gives so much and-and needs so little in return! +It's so pitch-black tonight. I feel lost. You're not lost. +...this is a toast! This is a toast. Get his wine away. +Get his wine away. This is a toast. You know this beautiful Thanksgiving dinner was all... +I am... I did slave all day. And we drink to her, and we all congratulate her on her wonderful accomplishment during this last year...her great success in A Doll's House! +I don't know about that. Oh, no, I just, see, I-I've been very, very lucky. W-when I had the kids, I decided to stop working and just, you know, devote myself to having the family, and I've been very, very happy but...I've always secretly hoped that maybe some little gem would come along and tempt me back on the stage... Yeah. +Yeah. ...just for a second. So, now I got that out of my system and I can go back to the thing that makes me happiest. +Hi. How's she doing? I am glad to see you. +Don't make it worse, Dad. Always. +Hi, Mom. How you doing? Here, let me get you some coffee. That's enough of that. What triggered it? We were making a commercial down at the mayor's office, and there was this young, good-looking salesman... +I want ice! Who's got some-- Oh, there it is. It's on the table, Dad. +Oh, Mom! Oh, honey! +I don't understand. I thought that you would be happy. How can we be happy? +Well, because I never thought of God in my life. Now I'm giving it serious thought. But Catholicism? Why not your own people? +But Catholicism? Why not your own people? Because I got off to a wrong foot with my own thing, you know. B-b- b-but I need a dramatic change in my life. FATHER You're gonna believe in Jesus Christ? +Because I got off to a wrong foot with my own thing, you know. B-b- b-but I need a dramatic change in my life. FATHER You're gonna believe in Jesus Christ? I know it sounds funny, but I'm gonna try. +I know it sounds funny, but I'm gonna try. But why? We raised you as a Jew. +But why? We raised you as a Jew. So, just 'cause I was born that way... You know, I'm old enough to make a mature decision. +Why should I be afraid? Oh! 'Cause you won't exist! +Oh! 'Cause you won't exist! So? +So? That thought doesn't terrify you? +Who thinks about such nonsense? Now I'm alive. When I'm dead, I'll be dead. I don't understand. Aren't you frightened? +I don't understand. Aren't you frightened? Of what? I'll be unconscious. +Of what? I'll be unconscious. Yeah, I know. But never to exist again! +Yeah, I know. But never to exist again! How do you know? +How do you know? Well, it certainly doesn't look promising. +I'll either be unconscious or I won't. If not, I'll deal with it then. I'm not gonna worry now about what's gonna be when I'm unconscious. Mom, come out! +Want some coffee or tea? No, thank you. +How about something to eat? No, nothing. +Are you sure? Absolutely. +Absolutely. Mmm, what am I gonna do with you? +God! And why didn't you come tonight? We all had a terrific time. I really think you would have enjoyed yourself. I'm going through a period of my life where I just can't be around people. I didn't want to wind up abusing anyone. +I'm going through a period of my life where I just can't be around people. I didn't want to wind up abusing anyone. You're not going to abuse them. They're all so sweet. +You're not going to abuse them. They're all so sweet. Lee... you are the only person I can be with...who I really look forward to being with. +Isn't it enough that I can love you? Mmm... +Mmm... Hmm? +Hmm? ...you're such a puzzle. So sweet with me and so...contemptuous of everyone else. +Well, there was a time when you were very happy to be only with me. You wanted to learn everything about poetry, about music. Mm-hm. +Mm-hm. Have I really taught you everything I have to give? I don't think so. +Mmm you never know. They might. He's just trying to do the nice thing. Because he likes you. +Because he likes you. Me? +Me? Yeah. +Elliot lusts after you. Based on what? You never even see him. +...or films you must see or... Oh, no, no, no. He's my sister's husband. And I think if you gave him half a chance, you'd like him. He's very intelligent. +Big. Frederick, show him the oils. They're in the basement. +I don't sell my work by the yard! Oh, Frederick! +What's the problem? I'm not interested in what your interior decorator would think, okay?! +Lucy and I kept talking, and I didn't realize how late it had gotten. You missed a very dull TV show about Auschwitz. More gruesome film clips...and more puzzled intellectuals declaring their mystification over the systematic murder of millions. +You know, you've been very nervous lately. I can't take this anymore. +I can't take this anymore. I'm just trying to complete an education I started on you five years ago. +I'm just trying to complete an education I started on you five years ago. I'm not your pupil. I was, but I'm not. +I'm not your pupil. I was, but I'm not. When you leave the nest, I just want you to be ready to face the real world. +Like what? Oh, you know what. I'm suffocating! +Oh, you know what. I'm suffocating! Oh! Are we going to have this conversation again? +Oh! Are we going to have this conversation again? Yes, we're going to have this conversation again. I...I have to leave. I have to move out. +Yes, we're going to have this conversation again. I...I have to leave. I have to move out. Why? +Why? Because I have to! +Because I have to! What are you going to use for money?! +What are you going to use for money?! I don't know. I thought, maybe I'd move in with my parents for a while. +I don't know. I thought, maybe I'd move in with my parents for a while. Tch, oh. I always told you you would leave me. But...does it have to be now? +Tch, oh. I always told you you would leave me. But...does it have to be now? Well, maybe it'll only be temporary, but I ha--I have to try. +Well, maybe it'll only be temporary, but I ha--I have to try. Oh...Lee, you are my whole world. Good God! Have you been kissed tonight?! +Oh...Lee, you are my whole world. Good God! Have you been kissed tonight?! No. +No. Oh, yes, you have! +Oh, yes, you have! No. +No. You've been with someone! +You've been with someone! Stop accusing me! +Oh, Christ! What's wrong with you?! I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Oh, couldn't you say something? You have to slither around behind my back! +Oh, couldn't you say something? You have to slither around behind my back! I'm saying it now! +I'm saying it now! So you met somebody else? +So you met somebody else? Yeah. +But you, God, you knew that was going to happen sooner or later. I can't live like this! Who is it? +Who is it? What's the difference?! It's just somebody I met! +What's the difference?! It's just somebody I met! But who? Where did you meet him? +But who? Where did you meet him? It doesn't make a difference! I have to move out! +It doesn't make a difference! I have to move out! You are, you are my only connection to the world! +Oh, God, that's too much responsibility for me. It's not fair! I want a less complicated life, Frederick. I want a husband, maybe even a child before it's too late. Jesus...Jesus! +Jesus...Jesus! Oh, God, I don't even know what I want. +Oh, God, I don't even know what I want. Oh... +Oh... Tch, oh, what do you get out of me, anyway? I mean... it's not sexual anymore. It's certainly not intellectual. I mean, you're so superior to me in every way that-- +Mickey, Mickey, listen, listen. You know... +In-in-in-instead of the child molestation sketch, why don't we repeat the Cardinal Spellman Ronald Reagan homosexual dance number? No-- +Look at this guy. Yeah? +Oh, Jesus! Ron...Ronny, you know you do have to go on in twenty-five minutes. +N-n-no, not that. Hello? +Hello? Like-- +You don't have a brain tumor. He didn't say you had a brain tumor. MICKEY No, naturally they're not gonna tell you, because, well, you know, th--, sometimes the weaker ones will panic if you tell 'em. But not you. +But not you. Oh, God! Do you hear a buzzing? Is there a buzzing? +Mickey, come on, we got a show to do! I can't keep my mind on the show. +I can't keep my mind on the show. But there's nothing wrong with you. +But there's nothing wrong with you. If there's nothing wrong with me then why does he want me to come back for tests?! +If there's nothing wrong with me then why does he want me to come back for tests?! Well, he has to rule out certain things. +Well, he has to rule out certain things. Like what?! What? +Like what?! What? I don't know. Cancer, I-- +I don't know. Cancer, I-- Don't say that! I don't want to hear that word! Don't mention that while I'm in the building. +Don't say that! I don't want to hear that word! Don't mention that while I'm in the building. But you don't have any symptoms! +But you don't have any symptoms! You--I got the classic symptoms of a brain tumor! +Two months ago, you thought you had a malignant melanoma. Naturally, I, I--Do you know I--The sudden appearance of a black spot on my back! +Naturally, I, I--Do you know I--The sudden appearance of a black spot on my back! It was on your shirt! +It was on your shirt! I--How was I to know?! Everyone was pointing back here. +Eh, you were miserable this morning! We got bad reviews, terrible ratings, the sponsors are furious... No, I was happy, but I just didn't realize I was happy. +Do you realize what a thread we're all hanging by? Mickey, you're off the hook. You should be celebrating. +Mickey, you're off the hook. You should be celebrating. Can you understand how meaningless everything is? Everything! I'm talking about nnnn--our lives, the show...the whole world, it's meaningless. +Can you understand how meaningless everything is? Everything! I'm talking about nnnn--our lives, the show...the whole world, it's meaningless. Yeah...but you're not dying! +Yeah...but you're not dying! No, I'm not dying now, but, but you know, when I ran out of the hospital, I, I was so thrilled because they told me I was going to be all right. And I'm running down the street, and suddenly I stop, 'cause it hit me, all right, so, you know, I'm not going to go today. I'm okay. I'm not going to go tomorrow. But eventually, I'm going to be in that position. +You're just realizing this now? Well, I don't realize it now, I know it all the time, but, but I managed to stick it in the back of my mind... +Yeah. What? Can I tell you something? Can I tell you a secret? +Can I tell you something? Can I tell you a secret? Yes, please. +Yes, please. A week ago, I bought a rifle. +A week ago, I bought a rifle. No. +No. I went into a store, I bought a rifle. I was gonna... You know, if they told me that I had a tumor, I was going to kill myself. The only thing that mighta stopped me, might've, is my parents would be devastated. I would, I woulda had to shoot them, also, first. And then, I have an aunt and uncle, I would have... You know, it would have been a bloodbath. +I went into a store, I bought a rifle. I was gonna... You know, if they told me that I had a tumor, I was going to kill myself. The only thing that mighta stopped me, might've, is my parents would be devastated. I would, I woulda had to shoot them, also, first. And then, I have an aunt and uncle, I would have... You know, it would have been a bloodbath. Tch, well, you know, eventually it, it is going to happen to all of us. +Tch, well, you know, eventually it, it is going to happen to all of us. Yes, but doesn't that ruin everything for you? That makes everything... +...you know it, it just takes the pleasure out of everything. I mean, you're gonna die, I'm gonna die, the audience is gonna die, the network's gonna-- The sponsor. Everything! I know, I know, and your hamster. +I know, I know, and your hamster. Yes! +Yes! Listen, kid, I think you snapped your cap. +Maybe you need a few weeks in Bermuda, or something. Or go to a whorehouse! No? I can't stay on this show. I gotta get some answers. Otherwise I'm telling you, I'm going to do something drastic. +Aah... Hey, have you tried Holly and her friend's shrimp puffs? I think they're fantastic. +I think they're fantastic. You've outdone yourself. +Oh, I don-- Ask Elliot for that. Uh, he's got them somewhere. Okay. +Oh, great. You look so beautiful. +You look so beautiful. Come on. +Come on. Doesn't she look pretty? +Doesn't she look pretty? I bumped into your... +Oh, yeah? He was, he's just as crazy as ever. He was on his way to get a blood test. +Hi. Where's Holly? Hi. She's auditioning for a television commercial. She said she's gonna be a little late. +Hi. She's auditioning for a television commercial. She said she's gonna be a little late. Oh, yeah? How's she doing? +I hope you tell her it was your idea... Why? +Why? ...'cause every time I try to be helpful, you know, sh-she gets so defensive. +...'cause every time I try to be helpful, you know, sh-she gets so defensive. Oh, Hannah, she's-she's just embarrassed in front of you, that's all. +So how are you? Oh, me, I'm okay. +Oh, me, I'm okay. Do you miss Frederick? +Do you miss Frederick? No. +No. I can't believe Elliot and I can't think of someone nice for you to go out with, you know-- +I can't believe Elliot and I can't think of someone nice for you to go out with, you know-- How are you? +How are you? I'm okay. +I'm okay. You know, how's everything? You doing okay? How's Frederick? I mean, Elliot. +You know, how's everything? You doing okay? How's Frederick? I mean, Elliot. Y-yeah. +Oh, he's fine. He's-he's, I guess he's fine. I don't know. He's been kinda moody lately, the last few months. Really? +Really? Yeah. I-I don't know what's wrong with him. He's just...kind of distant and difficult. +Yeah. I-I don't know what's wrong with him. He's just...kind of distant and difficult. Oh... +Oh... I've been trying to talk to him about it. He says everything's fine, but I don't know. Automatically, you know, I leap to the worst conclusions. +I've been trying to talk to him about it. He says everything's fine, but I don't know. Automatically, you know, I leap to the worst conclusions. Like what? +I mean, I don't know, he's seeing someone else or something, but... Oh, no! I mean, everyone thinks things like that. +What do--? You're being ridiculous. You are, Holly. Stop it. +Oh, will you stop attacking Hannah?! Oh, now-- +Oh, now-- She's going through a really rough time right now. +What's the matter? What's the matter with you? You look pale. You okay? I'm-I'm okay. Yeah, I-I-I, you know, I...I'm just, um, I got dizzy all of a sudden. I'm-I'm...I have a headache. +I'm-I'm okay. Yeah, I-I-I, you know, I...I'm just, um, I got dizzy all of a sudden. I'm-I'm...I have a headache. Yeah? +Yeah? I think we need to eat. +Hey, Hannah, did you read that last thing Holly wrote? It was great. She's really developed. I know, she...she really writes good dialogue. +I know, she...she really writes good dialogue. Yeah. I'll get some ice. +Hi! Hi! I know...I know. +I know...I know. Glad you could put in an appearance. +Glad you could put in an appearance. I got two minutes. +I got two minutes. Very good. +I gotta see new comedians later, I've gotta-- Two minutes on your sons' birthday. You know, it's not going to kill you. +Yeah, aren't you like, you know... Huh? +Huh? ...a little, uh, hey! A little hug! What is this? Now how 'bout a little action from the kids? +How is everything? Everything's good. Everything's fine. +Everything's good. Everything's fine. Yeah? Yeah? Okay, kids, you can open the presents now. +Yeah? Yeah? Okay, kids, you can open the presents now. Here, you guys. Open them up. +Let me get a little reaction here. How's Elliot? He's fine. +He's fine. Yeah? +Yeah? Oh, you know what? I'm trying to convince him to produce a play. +Oh, you know what? I'm trying to convince him to produce a play. Oh! +Oh! I think he'll find that satisfying. +I think he'll find that satisfying. Really? That'll be terrific for him, I think. +Really? That'll be terrific for him, I think. I think so. +I think so. I like him. I think he's a sweet guy. +I like him. I think he's a sweet guy. Yeah. +Yeah. The few times that I've met him... Isn't that a great mitt? +Ohh! H-he's so awkward and he's clumsy like me... +H-he's so awkward and he's clumsy like me... I know, I know. +I know, I know. ...so I, so I like that. I always like an underconfident person... +...so I, so I like that. I always like an underconfident person... That's really nice! +That's really nice! ...you know? I, uh... +...you know? I, uh... You know, he's been wanting a mitt. +You've always had good taste in husbands, so... Thanks, thanks. +Thanks, thanks. Mh-hm. +Mh-hm. That's a beauty! +That's a beauty! Isn't that great? +Isn't that great? Oh! +Oh! Go right over there. +Go right over there. Football! +Come on! Hurry up! Let's go! Wow! +Wow! Go out, go out by the Sung vase and, and catch this. +Gee. Is there no chance? +This is the second opinion. Well, then a third opinion. +I'm so humiliated. I don't know what to say. I mean-- Could you have ruined yourself somehow? +Could you have ruined yourself somehow? How could I ruin myself? What do you mean, ruin myself? +How could I ruin myself? What do you mean, ruin myself? I don't know. Excessive masturbation? +I don't know. Excessive masturbation? Hey, you gonna start knocking my hobbies? Jesus! +Maybe, maybe we can adopt a child. He said you could adopt one-- Well, what about artificial insemination? +Well, what about artificial insemination? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? You know, where I-I-I would get implanted from a-a donor. +You know, where I-I-I would get implanted from a-a donor. What, by a st-stranger? +Yeah, they have these banks, you know, where they keep them frozen. Fro--? You want a-a defrosted kid? Is that your idea? +Fro--? You want a-a defrosted kid? Is that your idea? I want to experience childbirth. +I want to experience childbirth. With a, with a stranger? With a-- +With a, with a stranger? With a-- Just think about it. That's all I ask. +Hannah and I...can't have any children. Now I-I-I don't want to get into whose fault it-- It's my fault that we can't and- and-and the details are too embarrassing to-- W-w-we-we've decided after a lot of discussion that we-we'd try with artificial insemination. +Um, I-I didn't really want to, you know, go to a sperm bank or something, have some anonymous donor. I-I just, you know, I-I-I wouldn't want that. Right. We felt that if we were gonna do it, that we would like somebody who we knew and who we liked and who was warm and bright and... +Hey! ...from Mavis, also. +Here, Mom. Drink this. You know, you're awful. You probably were flirting. No! I like to joke around and have fun, and he gets angry because I get the attention. He's gotten sourer as he's gotten older, and I've tried to stay young...at heart. +No! I like to joke around and have fun, and he gets angry because I get the attention. He's gotten sourer as he's gotten older, and I've tried to stay young...at heart. You promised to stay on the wagon. +You promised to stay on the wagon. The sacrifices I've made because of that man. He's ruined me with his ego, his philandering, his-- his-his-his-his mediocrity! +The sacrifices I've made because of that man. He's ruined me with his ego, his philandering, his-- his-his-his-his mediocrity! Okay, stop being so dramatic. +Okay, stop being so dramatic. He's the one that's made every ingenue in stock! +He's the one that's made every ingenue in stock! Okay, okay. +Okay, okay. Th-th-they, they wanted me for a screen test. +Th-th-they, they wanted me for a screen test. Yeah, I know, Mom. NORMA But I, I knew that he'd get up there and he'd flounder around with his expensive haircuts and hairdos and clothes. He's all show! Now how can you act when there's nothing inside to come out?! +I just had a lot of luck...from my first show, you know? I've always thought Lee was the one destined for great things. Yes, she's lovely, but she doesn't have your spark. She knows it. She worships you. She wouldn't dare get up there on the stage. +Yes, she's lovely, but she doesn't have your spark. She knows it. She worships you. She wouldn't dare get up there on the stage. Now, Holly's not shy. +No, Holly's game for anything. Holly takes after me. True. +True. I'd have been a great dope addict. +What? You're kidding! No, no, we decided! +Perfect! Mmm...I mean, we love to cook for our friends, so we thought until an acting job comes through, we could just make some extra money, you know, doing a few private parties. +Get outta here. Could I speak to you privately? Oh, sure. +Hannah, I have to borrow some more money. Don't get upset. Mmm, I never get upset over that. Mmm? +Mmm, I never get upset over that. Mmm? This is the last time, I promise. And I'm keeping strict accounts. +Holly, please. Don't insult me. Someday, I'll pay it all back. +Someday, I'll pay it all back. I know. H-how much do you need? +I know. H-how much do you need? Two thousand dollars. +Uh-huh. Hannah, I know it's a lot, but my friend April and I, we have this catering idea I think's going to be great. +You admit that we're great cooks, right? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, in order to get started, there's just a few things I have to buy... and some old debts I have outstanding. +Well, in order to get started, there's just a few things I have to buy... and some old debts I have outstanding. Will you just tell me one thing? +Will you just tell me one thing? Okay. +Okay. Are we talking about cocaine again? +Are we talking about cocaine again? I swear. I swear. We've already got some requests to do a few dinner parties. +Ohh? Uh-oh. +Doesn't she look great in that new dress? Yeah. +Don't you think she does? She really does, though. +Maybe when she's eighty, she'll stop straightening her garter belt when there's a guy around. I should get a garter belt. +Frederick didn't come with her. When does Frederick ever come with her? +When does Frederick ever come with her? Tch. He's such an angry...he's such a depressive. I thought she was moving out! +Watch out, you guys. Beep-beep! Oh, your kids are so adorable. +Oh, Hannah! It's, uh, you never know-- +It's, uh, you never know-- He's such a loser! +He's such a loser! He's not a loser at all! +He's not a loser at all! Oh, he's such a loser! +Oh, he's such a loser! He's the headmaster of Daisy's school. +He's the headmaster of Daisy's school. Oh, perfect! He reminds me of Ichabod Crane. His Adam's apple keeps jumping up and down whenever he gets excited. HANNAH Listen. He's a lot better than your ex-husband. He's got a good job. Would you light those, please? He's-he's-he's not a dope addict or anything. +Not this Thanksgiving, you know. Here. Be careful with those. +Here. Be careful with those. Maybe at Christmas, New Year's. If not this New Year's, maybe next New Year's. +Ouch! Oh! +You know, I just want to look so good, but I don't want to seem, you know, like I'm overdressed. You know what I'm saying? HANNAH Oh, no, not at all. Well, how about this? +Well, how about this? Well, I, I really like that. I think that's a pretty color on you. +Well, I, I really like that. I think that's a pretty color on you. Oh, yeah. +He's married... Oh-oh. HOLLY ...and his wife's, uh, in and out of institutions. She's schizophrenic. +Sometimes she's terrific... Oooo. +Oooo. ...and then she just breaks down. And he has this sweet daughter...and when she goes to college next year, he's going to split permanently. I mean... +...and then she just breaks down. And he has this sweet daughter...and when she goes to college next year, he's going to split permanently. I mean... Oh? +Oh? ...he's really paid his dues, but...then she helped put him through architecture school, you know, so... +You found all this, all this out on one date? Well, I think he was dying to open up. It's so sad. Now...what should I wear to my audition? +I've got a singing audition for a Broadway musical. Of course, I'll never get it. Singing? +Singing? Yeah, can you believe it? +Yeah, can you believe it? Really? +Really? Well, I mean, why not? You know, wh-what have I got to lose? Uh... +Well, I mean, why not? You know, wh-what have I got to lose? Uh... Well, no...I-I know, I just, uh... No, I-I, eh, you know, I, I didn't, I didn't know you sung. +Well, you think everybody in m- musicals sings so well? No! No, I, eh, it's just that they sing. +Ohh! You know. +You know. I know, no-- I know. +I know, no-- I know. I mean, y-you know, don't say it that way, you know, because my confidence is not my strong point, I-- +I mean, y-you know, don't say it that way, you know, because my confidence is not my strong point, I-- No, I'm sorry. No, I didn't mean that. No, I didn't mean that. +Uh, you know, I think I can fake my way through a song. Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Easily. +W-why? You don't think it's realistic? No, I didn't, I, that's no. No, I- I-I, no, I-I just... hate to see you put yourself in a position where, where you get hurt, you know. You know, you know how you take... +No, I didn't, I, that's no. No, I- I-I, no, I-I just... hate to see you put yourself in a position where, where you get hurt, you know. You know, you know how you take... Yeah. +...every, eh, single rejection as- as-as a...a confirmation that you have no talent, or something? Yeah. Well, maybe I'll get it. +Yeah. Well, maybe I'll get it. I hope. +Boy, you really know how to cut me down. What? You don't, don't be so sensitive. Can't I say anything? +What? You don't, don't be so sensitive. Can't I say anything? Tch, well, I sing! For Chrissake, Hannah, you heard me sing! +Nobody but you can do that to me. I don't know why. Look, everything's going your way. +Hey, hi! Well, I just came from an audition... +Awwww... So what's new? +Boy-- They said I was too offbeat looking, whatever the hell that means. +They said I was too offbeat looking, whatever the hell that means. Oh, what do they know? +Oh, gosh. You got it. +Oh, God... Yeah, although it's put an end to the Stanislavski Catering Company. Which is why I have to speak to you. And... you're gonna get impatient, but...I have to borrow some more money. +Well, that...th-that's fine. But what I decided to do is some writing. Yeah, I think I've had it with acting. You know, these meaningless auditions at cattle calls. And I can't handle another rejection. Now let's face it here. I gotta, you know, latch on to something in my life. You know--something with a future. I'm not sixteen anymore. It's just...crazy! I've got...an idea for a story. More than one. And I just need a few months, you know, or, uh, a year even. +Well, that-that's good. It just, uh...it just seems to me that-that six months or a year, if-if you spent it more productively... Well-well, like what? +Well, I don't know. We'd uh, uh, um... Didn't Mom mention there was something...something at the Museum of Broadcasting? Yeah, that's clerical. +Yeah, that's clerical. No. She, didn't she say it was, um...she said it was in the publicity department. That-that can lead to other things. +Boy, I knew you'd be discouraging. "I'm not! I'm not! I'm trying to be helpful. A person doesn't just say one day, ""Okay, now-now I'm finished as an actress. Now I'm a writer."" I mean--" +"I'm not! I'm not! I'm trying to be helpful. A person doesn't just say one day, ""Okay, now-now I'm finished as an actress. Now I'm a writer."" I mean--" Yeah, you mean not at my age. +You treat me like a loser. How? +How? You never have any faith in my plans. You always undercut my enthusiasm. +Not so! No. I think I've been very supportive. I've...I try to give you honest, constructive advice. Hmm! +Hmm! I'm-I'm always happy to help you financially. I think I've gone out of my way to-to introduce you to interesting single men. There's nothing I would-- +I'm-I'm always happy to help you financially. I think I've gone out of my way to-to introduce you to interesting single men. There's nothing I would-- Uh, losers! All losers! +Uh, losers! All losers! You're too demanding. +You're too demanding. You know, I could always tell what you thought of me by the type of men you fixed me up with! +You're crazy! That's not true. Hey, Hannah, I know I'm mediocre. +What's the matter with you, Lee? Why are you so sensitive all of a sudden? Look. Listen. Listen. You want to write? Write. +Look. Listen. Listen. You want to write? Write. What's the matter? +What's the matter? Write! Let's just not talk about it anymore. +Write! Let's just not talk about it anymore. Good. +Good. Take...take a year. Take six months. Whatever you want. Who knows? Maybe you'll, maybe you'll be sitting with a good play. +Hey, what's the matter? I'm real upset about what you wrote. +My script? It's obviously based on Elliot and me. +It's obviously based on Elliot and me. Oh, so loosely. +Oh, so loosely. "No, not ""Oh, so loosely""! Real specifically! Is that how you see us?" +"No, not ""Oh, so loosely""! Real specifically! Is that how you see us?" Well-- +Well-- Can I, can I not accept gestures and feelings from people? Do I, do I put people off? +Wow, I guess I hit a nerve. You make it sound like, you know, I have no needs or something. You think I'm too self-sufficient? +You make it sound like, you know, I have no needs or something. You think I'm too self-sufficient? "Now, Hannah, that's not what I meant, you know. Uh, yeah, everybody relies on you for so much. ""You're so giving. It's not a criticism. We love you. We're grateful.""" +"Now, Hannah, that's not what I meant, you know. Uh, yeah, everybody relies on you for so much. ""You're so giving. It's not a criticism. We love you. We're grateful.""" You're grateful, but you resent me. +You're grateful, but you resent me. Oh, wow! I don't want to have this conversation. I didn't do anything wrong. +Y-you mentioned to me yourself that you and Elliot were having some problems. Yeah, we're having some problems, but problems that are my business...which I don't see how you could know about in such detail. How does Lee know about these things? How? They're private! +Well, why don't you share them with us? I don't...I don't want to bother everyone. +I don't...I don't want to bother everyone. That's the point. I'd like to be bothered. +That's the point. I'd like to be bothered. I don't see how you could know about these things unless Elliot's been talking to you. +I don't see how you could know about these things unless Elliot's been talking to you. No, he hasn't. If I offended you, I'm sorry. +Oh, why are you making those faces? I can't hear you. I can't hear anything. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna lose hearing in my ear! I'm-- +I can't hear you. I can't hear anything. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna lose hearing in my ear! I'm-- Listen, you are witnessing genius! +Listen, you are witnessing genius! I, I, my ears are experiencing a meltdown! I can't hear anything. +I, I, my ears are experiencing a meltdown! I can't hear anything. Look, can't you feel the energy? It's tangible energy! The room's alive with positive vibrations! +Don't, no, please. Will you-- No, don't... You want some? +Come on, Mickey. Come on. But, no, you've been doing that all night! You're gonna...you're gonna burn a hole in your... You're gonna develop a third nostril! Really, don't, please. +Can we, can we go? No! +No! My--uh... +I love songs about extraterrestrial life, don't you? Not when they're sung by extraterrestrials. +Not when they're sung by extraterrestrials. Oh, well, I cannot communicate with you! I, you know, I never realized you were such a tightass. MICKEY I can't understand you. Your sisters, both sisters have such good taste in music. I don't know where you went, went wrong. +Oh, well, I cannot communicate with you! I, you know, I never realized you were such a tightass. MICKEY I can't understand you. Your sisters, both sisters have such good taste in music. I don't know where you went, went wrong. Do you mind? I'm-I'm my own person. +Do you mind? I'm-I'm my own person. Can I take you someplace to hear something nice? +Can I take you someplace to hear something nice? Eh, Mickey, it's getting late. +Eh, Mickey, it's getting late. Now come on, you're be--, 'cause you're being angry at me. +Thanks for a swell time. Well, if you didn't like it, you didn't like it, but you didn't have to talk while the guy was singing. +Well, if you didn't like it, you didn't like it, but you didn't have to talk while the guy was singing. I was so bored! +I was so bored! Yeah, that's tough! You don't deserve Cole Porter. You should stay with those groups that look like they're gonna stab their mother! +Yeah, that's tough! You don't deserve Cole Porter. You should stay with those groups that look like they're gonna stab their mother! At least I'm open to new concepts! +At least I'm open to new concepts! And you don't have to snort cocaine at the table all the time! What do you, what do you do? Carry a kilo around in your purse? +And you don't have to snort cocaine at the table all the time! What do you, what do you do? Carry a kilo around in your purse? This crowd wouldn't know the difference! They're embalmed! +This crowd wouldn't know the difference! They're embalmed! Jesus... I'm glad Hannah got us together. You know, she's got a great instinct for people. Really. +Oh, look, I'm sorry it didn't work out. Yeah. Me, too. +Yeah. Me, too. You know, it's probably my fault. I've been a little depressed lately. +You know, it's probably my fault. I've been a little depressed lately. Right. Yeah. I had a... +Right. Yeah. I had a... God! +God! ...I had a great time tonight, really. It was like the Nuremberg Trials. +Mmm, I don't know if you remember me, but we had the worst night of my life together. I remember you. +I remember you. Yes, you do recall, right? +Yes, you do recall, right? I recall you. +I recall you. I was walking past and I saw you in here... +I was walking past and I saw you in here... Yeah. +Yeah. ...and I thought I'd come in and...and we could replay, uh, the whole, uh... +...and I thought I'd come in and...and we could replay, uh, the whole, uh... We didn't hit it off. +We didn't hit it off. Oh, that's putting it mildly. We did everything but exchange gunshots. +Oh, that's putting it mildly. We did everything but exchange gunshots. How are you? +How are you? Good. How are you? +Good. How are you? I'm fine. +I'm fine. You look wonderful. +You look wonderful. Oh, no. +Oh, no. Yeah, really. You do. You do. +Yeah, really. You do. You do. Yeah? +Yeah? It was a terrible evening. +It was a terrible evening. Yeah, it was. +Yeah, it was. Remember slamming the cab door in my face and.. you know, it came very dangerously close to emasculating my nose in a... +I'd never do that. ...in a really horrible way. +...in a really horrible way. Oh, well, that was a long time ago. +Oh, well, that was a long time ago. You look wonderful. You do. What happened to you? +You look wonderful. You do. What happened to you? People change...you know. +People change...you know. Well, I hope you've changed. +Well, I hope you've changed. Yeah, I hope you have, too. MICKEY I hope so for your sake, because, uh, your personality left something to be desired... +Yeah, I hope you have, too. MICKEY I hope so for your sake, because, uh, your personality left something to be desired... Yeah, and for yours. I'm sure you've changed. +Yeah, and for yours. I'm sure you've changed. ...namely a personality. +So how are you? I'm okay. +I'm okay. You didn't answer my question. What are you doing? +You didn't answer my question. What are you doing? Oh, nothing much. You know... +Oh, nothing much. You know... Well... +Well... ...just some stuff. A little of this, a little of that, that's all. +...just some stuff. A little of this, a little of that, that's all. Yeah? Is that an embarrassing question? Should I have not asked it? +Yeah? Is that an embarrassing question? Should I have not asked it? Probably not. +Probably not. Are you, are you out of work or something? +Are you, are you out of work or something? No, well...I've been trying to write. +No, well...I've been trying to write. Have you? +Have you? Yeah. +Yeah. Well, that's interesting. Wh-what kind of stuff? +Well, that's interesting. Wh-what kind of stuff? Oh...well, you-you're not interested in this. +Oh...well, you-you're not interested in this. No, you can tell me. +No, you can tell me. Come on. +Come on. No, I am. I am. +No, I am. I am. "Oh, no, millions of people come up to you and say, ""Hey, I have something I just wrote,"" right?" +"Oh, no, millions of people come up to you and say, ""Hey, I have something I just wrote,"" right?" Nobody ever said it. +Nobody ever said it. Really? +Really? This is it. Yeah. This is really-- HOLLY Well, wo-would you be willing to-to read it? Something...that I wrote? +This is it. Yeah. This is really-- HOLLY Well, wo-would you be willing to-to read it? Something...that I wrote? Well, yes, I would if, uh, if it would mean anything to you. I don't know why it would. +Well, yes, I would if, uh, if it would mean anything to you. I don't know why it would. No, the reason I ask is-- +No, the reason I ask is-- You've always hated my taste in the past. +You've always hated my taste in the past. No, I haven't. +No, I haven't. You have. +You have. I haven't. No, the reason why I ask is I think it might make a great, uh, television script, and, you know, you're so active in television, so-- +I haven't. No, the reason why I ask is I think it might make a great, uh, television script, and, you know, you're so active in television, so-- I'm not anymore. I haven't, I haven't been in television for a year. +I'm not anymore. I haven't, I haven't been in television for a year. You're kidding me. +You're kidding me. I've done no television whatsoever. No. +I may, I may have to get back into it, 'cause my accountant says that I'm running out of dollars. But...but, um, no, I haven't, I just sort of dropped out for a year... Oh. Oh. +Oh. Oh. ...which is a long, dull story and I won't get into it. But-- +You're okay, though, huh? I'm-- Yes. Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine. How are you? +I'm-- Yes. Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine. How are you? Oh, I'm fine. +Oh, I'm fine. What...what about your script? So what's it about? +What...what about your script? So what's it about? Well, I'd love it if you'd read it, actually, 'cause I really would value your opinion. +Well, I'd love it if you'd read it, actually, 'cause I really would value your opinion. You have to remember, we-we-we didn't agree on one thing. +But you have to remember while you're reading and you're cursing my name, you know, that this is my first script. Well, it's not my first script. Hmm. +Hmm. Actually, my first script was about Hannah and her husband, but, uh... +Actually, my first script was about Hannah and her husband, but, uh... Yeah. +Yeah. ...Hannah read it, she got really angry, and... you know, then I felt badly, so I-- +Oh, well, God, I can imagine what you wrote. Oh, no! It wasn't anything bad. But she just... you know. I don't know. +Really? So, uh...I threw it out, but I have this other one. +Well, you know, I-I-I...you know, if you want me to, I'll read it. Oh, gosh, I don't know. Well, could I come over tomorrow and read it to you? +Oh, gosh, I don't know. Well, could I come over tomorrow and read it to you? Come over tomorrow and read it to me? +You must be joking. I've been doing all my own reading since I was forty...you know. Hmm. I think it's lucky I ran into you. Maybe. +Hmm. I think it's lucky I ran into you. Maybe. Well, what about me? +Well, what about me? Oh, well. +Oh, well. I should have kept going. I-I have a sneaking feeling, a nagging sensation I should've kept walking and... +No, you can tell me straight. It's okay. Just, you know, tell me what you think. It's great. I swea-- I'm-- I'm, tch, I'm speechless. I was...I was not in the mood to listen to this thing now. I don't know what to say. I'm moved and I laughed and I-- Uh, I, you know, I was on the edge of my seat. I just think it's wonderful! I'm, I'm totally...stunned. This is not an insult. I'm amazed that you can... It was-- I just thought it was great. +It's great. I swea-- I'm-- I'm, tch, I'm speechless. I was...I was not in the mood to listen to this thing now. I don't know what to say. I'm moved and I laughed and I-- Uh, I, you know, I was on the edge of my seat. I just think it's wonderful! I'm, I'm totally...stunned. This is not an insult. I'm amazed that you can... It was-- I just thought it was great. Really? +Really? Yes! I was abso-- And...w- what...made you think of that climax scene where the, where the... architect is walking home with his actress girlfriend and-and the ex- wife who's schizophrenic jumps out of the bushes and stabs him to death? +Yes! I was abso-- And...w- what...made you think of that climax scene where the, where the... architect is walking home with his actress girlfriend and-and the ex- wife who's schizophrenic jumps out of the bushes and stabs him to death? Oh, it just came to me one day. +Oh, it just came to me one day. Well, it was just fabulous! I'm, I, you know... +Well, it was just fabulous! I'm, I, you know... Oh, gosh, you really think I can write? +Oh, gosh, you really think I can write? I thought it was wonder-- There's maybe one or two things in there that I would do differently myself, but... +I thought it was wonder-- There's maybe one or two things in there that I would do differently myself, but... Right. +Right. ...but who cares? It was just-- It was fabulous. +...but who cares? It was just-- It was fabulous. Oh! +Oh! Fabulous, I mean it! I'm so impressed. +Oh, God! I am. You-you made my day. +I am. You-you made my day. Oh, wow! +Oh, wow! It was just great. Uh, I was all set...I was set to be bored stiff. +It was just great. Uh, I was all set...I was set to be bored stiff. Uh, gee. Would you like to have lunch? Uh, uh... +Uh, gee. Would you like to have lunch? Uh, uh... I-I would love to talk to you about, uh, that script. I-I, you know, I think maybe that we could do something with it. +I-I would love to talk to you about, uh, that script. I-I, you know, I think maybe that we could do something with it. Okay, and listen, I would like to hear what made you suddenly decide to drop out of life. +Okay, and listen, I would like to hear what made you suddenly decide to drop out of life. Oh, who cares? +Oh, who cares? Y-you used to-- Oh, no! Yeah, I care. You used to be so ambitious and... God, you really liked it?! +Gosh, you really went through a crisis, you know that? H-how did you get over it? I mean, when I ran into you, you seemed, you seemed just perfectly fine. Well, you seem fine now. Well... I'll tell you. One day about a month ago... +Um...look, there's something I've, uh, that's been bothering me for a long time, and I just thought I'd just tell you what it was and just sort of clear the deck here, and that's this. Oh, yeah? What? +Oh, yeah? What? That I've always regretted the way I behaved that evening we went out, and, uh...I've, I just thought I'd tell you that because I really made a fool out of myself. +That I've always regretted the way I behaved that evening we went out, and, uh...I've, I just thought I'd tell you that because I really made a fool out of myself. Oh, don't be silly! No! Don't be ridiculous. +Oh, don't be silly! No! Don't be ridiculous. It's all right. +It's all right. I was the, I was... You know, it was my fault. I-- +So, so you want to go out to dinner again? I mean, is that, is that... Have, you have any interest in that, or... Sure. Sure, uh, yes. +Sure. Sure, uh, yes. Do you? I mean, are you, are you, are you, are you free this evening? +Do you? I mean, are you, are you, are you, are you free this evening? Yeah. +Now don't get nervous. It's just your husband. Hi. +Hi. Hi. How you doin'? +Hi. How you doin'? Okay. +Okay. When'd you get here? +When'd you get here? Just a few minutes ago. +Just a few minutes ago. Oh. You look so beautiful. +Thanks. You know, I was talking with your father before...and I was telling him that it's ironic. I-I used to always have Thanksgiving with Hannah...and I never thought that I could love anybody else. And here it is, years later and I'm married to you and completely in love with you. The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is. I... It'd made a great story, I think. A guy marries one sister... doesn't work out... many years later... he winds up married to the other sister. It's, you know, it's a... +You know, I was talking with your father before...and I was telling him that it's ironic. I-I used to always have Thanksgiving with Hannah...and I never thought that I could love anybody else. And here it is, years later and I'm married to you and completely in love with you. The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is. I... It'd made a great story, I think. A guy marries one sister... doesn't work out... many years later... he winds up married to the other sister. It's, you know, it's a... Tch. +Tch. I don't know how you're gonna top that. +Mickey? Mmm, what? +Mmm, what? I'm pregnant. +Oh, my God. Thank you. I need an antihistamine. Mom thinks she's feeling her asthma, and so... +Yeah, Mom's Camille when she gets up in the morning. At least she isn't drinking. Did you notice? +At least she isn't drinking. Did you notice? Mm-hm. +Yeah, she knows it, too, 'cause she's flirting with all the men here. God. +Yeah. Get a garter belt... Get a garter belt and flirt. +Get a garter belt... Get a garter belt and flirt. Where are the antihistamines? +Dad... Oh... +Oh... Dad! +Hi. ...which I did not get. +Thanks. But guess who was there auditioning? April? +Yeah, well, she and an architect are now a very definite item, which I still cannot believe. Hmm. +Oh, please! We all came to have lunch, didn't we? Yeah, okay, right. Forget it. What's to eat? +Boy...Holly...Holly. I just want a salad. You really think I'm a loser, don't you? +Why are you so upset? You know, you've been picking on her ever since she came in here. Now just leave her alone for a while! I'm just suffocating. +What makes you interested in becoming a Hare Krishna? Well, I'm not saying that I want to join or anything, but...but I know you guys believe in reincarnation, you know, so it interests me. +Well, I'm not saying that I want to join or anything, but...but I know you guys believe in reincarnation, you know, so it interests me. Yeah, well, what's your religion? +Yeah, well, what's your religion? Well, I was born Jewish, you know, but, uh, but last winter I tried to become a Catholic and...it didn't work for me. I-I studied and I tried and I gave it everything, but, you know, Catholicism for me was die now, pay later, you know. And I just couldn't get with it. And I, and I wanted to, you know. I-- +Well, I was born Jewish, you know, but, uh, but last winter I tried to become a Catholic and...it didn't work for me. I-I studied and I tried and I gave it everything, but, you know, Catholicism for me was die now, pay later, you know. And I just couldn't get with it. And I, and I wanted to, you know. I-- You're afraid of dying? MICKEY Well...yeah, naturally. Aren't you? I-- L-let me ask you, reincarnation, does that mean my soul would pass to another human being, or would I come back as a moose or an aardvark or something? +You're afraid of dying? MICKEY Well...yeah, naturally. Aren't you? I-- L-let me ask you, reincarnation, does that mean my soul would pass to another human being, or would I come back as a moose or an aardvark or something? Take our literature... +Take our literature... Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. ...read it over, and think about it. +...read it over, and think about it. Well, okay. Thank you very much. +Well, okay. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Hare Krishna. +Aren't you glad to see me? Tell me about your trip... what did you bring me...? +I can't think. ...you don't have to think. +...you don't have to think. We have to talk about money... +We have to talk about money... I'm on the track of a reward, which... +I'm on the track of a reward, which... A reward... +A reward... I'm going to tell you later.... +I'm going to tell you later.... A reward for what? +A reward for what? Some museum director disappeared. +Some museum director disappeared. And? +And? They're offering... +They're offering... ...you haven't found him yet. +...you haven't found him yet. What is this, a whorehouse, or are you my wife? +What is this, a whorehouse, or are you my wife? You've gone off to America, on your Vacation... +You've gone off to America, on your Vacation... ...I was working... +...I was working... ...please... +...please... I swear to you... +I swear to you... ...and I want to talk to you about your promotion.. +...and I want to talk to you about your promotion.. Yes? My promotion...? +Yes? My promotion...? I want to talk to you about your salary. Because I can't... +You know why that is? Because there are so few things I need to forget. Would you agree, for the record, that I have not been read my rights? I have not read you your rights. +I have not read you your rights. Would you mind saying that into your bag...? +Would you mind saying that into your bag...? I hereby acknowledge that... +I hereby acknowledge that... "And now I have ""dociled"" you, have I not? By forcing your obedience." +"And now I have ""dociled"" you, have I not? By forcing your obedience." Then why did you chose to inform me of it...? +Then why did you chose to inform me of it...? To show... in my ability to squander. What one might deem an advantage... that my strength is greater than yours... +To show... in my ability to squander. What one might deem an advantage... that my strength is greater than yours... Oh yeah? Wanna arm wrestle...? +Oh yeah? Wanna arm wrestle...? If you'll come down the street I will make you a cup of coffee. +Well. Word gets around. ...what hindered you...? +...what hindered you...? It wasn't my day. +It wasn't my day. Perhaps you did not have the support you required. +Perhaps you did not have the support you required. It's a poor workman who blames his tools. +It's a poor workman who blames his tools. Or, perhaps... +Or, perhaps... ...how are things at the Hospital? +...how are things at the Hospital? It's a growth business. +It's a growth business. What have they got you doing? +What have they got you doing? Orderly. +Orderly. I would have figured you an R.N. by now, or, maybe Med School. +I would have figured you an R.N. by now, or, maybe Med School. I prefer to stay in the Less Frivolous professions. +I prefer to stay in the Less Frivolous professions. You lasted eight years, as Orderly, in Dr. Lechter's prison ward. +You lasted eight years, as Orderly, in Dr. Lechter's prison ward. Yes, I presumed it was about him. +Yes, I presumed it was about him. ...you... +...you... I'm struck by your phraseology. I did not last with him. I was privileged to enjoy his company during that time. +I'm struck by your phraseology. I did not last with him. I was privileged to enjoy his company during that time. I'm looking for... +I'm looking for... He said, and these were his words, he valued our time together, because I was civil. +He said, and these were his words, he valued our time together, because I was civil. Did you ever think, did you think, after he escaped, he would come after you? +Did you ever think, did you think, after he escaped, he would come after you? "He told me, he preferred to Eat the Rude. Or: ""natural composting."" Do you think he'd come after you...?" +I asked you how you like your coffee...? We have black and bitter. As the Soul of Man. Or light and sweet, as the world- view of the self-delusive. We got a bunch of materials, coming up at auction. Materials which disappeared from Dr. Lechter's cell, drawings he made, his books. +We got a bunch of materials, coming up at auction. Materials which disappeared from Dr. Lechter's cell, drawings he made, his books. Yes? +Yes? And I'd like your help, determining who's bidding for their purchase. +And I'd like your help, determining who's bidding for their purchase. Why me? +Why me? Waal, because your selling'em... Two years ago, his annotated Dictionary of Cuisine, by Alexander Dumas, went for sixteen thousand dollars. Seller's affidavit of ownership, signed Cary Panz. P.A.N.Z. Sounds to me like an Orderly. Whadja clear on the book? Ten, twelve grand? +Waal, because your selling'em... Two years ago, his annotated Dictionary of Cuisine, by Alexander Dumas, went for sixteen thousand dollars. Seller's affidavit of ownership, signed Cary Panz. P.A.N.Z. Sounds to me like an Orderly. Whadja clear on the book? Ten, twelve grand? ...very good. +...very good. Here's what they want you to do: we want the rest of the stuff you stole from his cell. +Here's what they want you to do: we want the rest of the stuff you stole from his cell. ...why? +...why? Let's just say they got a passion for collectibles... +Let's just say they got a passion for collectibles... "You said ""here's what they want you to do..."" Why?" +"You said ""here's what they want you to do..."" Why?" Now, whyn't you help us? +Now, whyn't you help us? That would adversely impact my income. +That would adversely impact my income. Not as much as being jailed for theft of Government Property, or for failure to pay income tax, on undisclosed income. +Not as much as being jailed for theft of Government Property, or for failure to pay income tax, on undisclosed income. We could skip the Gavotte. +We could skip the Gavotte. Say it in English. +Say it in English. "Lechter's not buying up his Memorabilia. He keeps it all in his ""mind,"" do you see...?" +"Lechter's not buying up his Memorabilia. He keeps it all in his ""mind,"" do you see...?" Then who's buying it? +Then who's buying it? "There's one or two freaks, and, for a ""Pass,"" I'll rat them out to you..." +"There's one or two freaks, and, for a ""Pass,"" I'll rat them out to you..." That's the spirit... +That's the spirit... ...aren't you afraid of me...? +...aren't you afraid of me...? You want me to be? +You want me to be? I'd prefer it... But it's just a vacant exercise. +"You said ""here's what they want you to do."" Aren't you part of them anymore...? Aren't you part of the FBI? 'No Girl's Allowed,' or what? Have you transgressed...?" Let's keep it to business, shall we? +Let's keep it to business, shall we? ...why have they stuck you on this silly little roust? +...why have they stuck you on this silly little roust? ...they did it for a lark. +...they did it for a lark. Oh, Good. The ornithological leitmotif... +Who are these guys...? Rich, comic book freaks. +Rich, comic book freaks. And why is it a vacant exercise? +And why is it a vacant exercise? Because we both know who's buying the Lechteriana. +Because we both know who's buying the Lechteriana. Who would that be. +Who would that be. Mason Verger. For he cannot be free. Dr. Lechter refashioned his body so it mirrors his soul, what an impossible injustice. Can you be free....? +Mason Verger. For he cannot be free. Dr. Lechter refashioned his body so it mirrors his soul, what an impossible injustice. Can you be free....? No, you're wrong about Verger. +No, you're wrong about Verger. Oh, yes. He's found Peace. +Oh, yes. He's found Peace. Well, if he hasn't, I'm vastly mistaken. +Well, if he hasn't, I'm vastly mistaken. And have you found Peace..? +Bad beat today. Hey, I'm fine. Whaddizit, you, how's your day, our gallant International Neighbors...? +Evelda Drumgo. COULD I GET A DRINK, N'I don't care, you see, what all they got me doin, for I'd rather be doin' makework, than be doin' pub'l'relations with THE DIRTY DOZEN, one Hispanic, one Librarian, one Jew, and One from Column A, and One from Column... Thank you. +C'mon, pal. All y'got to do is ask... +You want to get married...? You tol me you wuunt ask me again til I'm ready.... +You tol me you wuunt ask me again til I'm ready.... You're ready now. +You're ready now. I'm not. +I'm not. That's what you think... +Then you tell me, then. You want me to solve all your problems tonight...? +You want me to solve all your problems tonight...? I feel... I feel they're Out to Get Me... +I feel... I feel they're Out to Get Me... "And who is ""they?""" +"And who is ""they?""" ...they're sending me. Out to get Shot. Hounding me.... they're... +...they're sending me. Out to get Shot. Hounding me.... they're... ...the whole world's out to get you... +...the whole world's out to get you... How crazy is that. +How crazy is that. Well, you wanna shoot back, it give you a big target... +Well, you wanna shoot back, it give you a big target... How crazy is that.... +Hard up as you are, at your age? Whadda you care? Surrender. "~Don't shoot, G-Men...""" +How you doin? M'I gonna see you tonight? +M'I gonna see you tonight? That's right. +That's right. Then I'm doing fine. +Then I'm doing fine. What's new onna street? +What's new onna street? All Quiet Along the Potomac... +Brigham. Go. Affirmative. Okay, Happiness is a Green Light. We've got Evelda in the kitchen, cooking. The dope's D.E.A. We want her on Interstate Transportation of some firecrackers. Starling: you've got Drumgo, you know her from before. I know her by the Back. +I know her by the Back. ...these guy'll back you up. +What, What, I can't hear you... Are you alright...? +Are you alright...? I almost shot the baby... +I almost shot the baby... Who called the TV CREWS...? +Who, can you think, who would want to harm Dr. Fanelli, did he have any enemies, that... ...I have never met a man who was so well beloved. +...I have never met a man who was so well beloved. ...he was wealthy... +...he was wealthy... He had nothing. He lived in a garret. His work was his life, he... +He had nothing. He lived in a garret. His work was his life, he... ...his family has offered a large reward. +..who would benefit from his disappearance? No one. No one has but lost by it... ...would you excuse me...? +How was America? Bad coffee, and women with excessive ankles. +Bad coffee, and women with excessive ankles. ...nightmare. +...nightmare. What's up...? +What's up...? Doctore Carlo Fanelli, curator of the Pallazo Capponi, 2 months missing. +Doctore Carlo Fanelli, curator of the Pallazo Capponi, 2 months missing. Yeah, so where is he? +Yeah, so where is he? Somewhere where his family are offering a thirty grand reward for Information, so on. +Somewhere where his family are offering a thirty grand reward for Information, so on. They got that kind of money? +They got that kind of money? Their family owns... +What else did I miss...? Atrocious Torture. Hit of the Season, you want, I know a guy can get you a ticket. +Atrocious Torture. Hit of the Season, you want, I know a guy can get you a ticket. ...are they hard to get? +...are they hard to get? Impossible. +Impossible. ...what a world. +Hold up a minute... You spend the afternoon in Bed? +You spend the afternoon in Bed? First things first. +First things first. You take this much time over everything? +You take this much time over everything? That's why my wife adores me. +The identity of the person offering the bounty was never established. Yes, but we know who it was, and I will tell you, Agent Starling, what you know to be true. I offered the bounty. It was illegal, and, worse, it was wrong. And I thank God every day that I did not compound my sinful life by the stain of a murder. Do you Agent Starling: do you know God? +Can we identify it as Dr. Lechter? Not with any certainty we... +Not with any certainty we... Why did he come back? +Why did he come back? Our operatives in Brazil have been empowered to offer a reward of.... +Our operatives in Brazil have been empowered to offer a reward of.... ...WHY DID HE COME BACK? WHY DID THE BOY TURN BACK...? +...WHY DID HE COME BACK? WHY DID THE BOY TURN BACK...? ...are you alright, sir...? +...are you alright, sir...? HE TURNED BACK INTO THE ROOM. Where have we Seen it Before. +HE TURNED BACK INTO THE ROOM. Where have we Seen it Before. Seen what, sir..? +Seen what, sir..? The puppy comes back. If you lie on the ground. The Puppy with return. Why? Do you know why...? TO KILL YOU. IT THINKS YOU HAVE FALLEN AND ARE POWERLESS. IT COMES BACK TO TEAR YOUR THROAT. THAT'S WHY THE CHILD TURNED BACK. As Lechter will return back. You see? To the sight of his oppressor wounded. He will return to savage our beloved Miss Starling. Bring me a drink. +Do it... ...Let's see the pigs, please. +Where was the call from. Somewhere in Italy. +Somewhere in Italy. Make plans for Lechter's abduction. +Make plans for Lechter's abduction. ...then we won't need to tether Miss Starling as our lure. +...then we won't need to tether Miss Starling as our lure. That operation has begun. Are we God, that we would Meddle with it...? No, on the other hand... +...sir...? Waal, Nobody's Perfect... What do we hear from our songbird in Switzerland? +If you would see him monument, look around you. Show me the Pigs. +He escaped... Have the child taken to bed. +What do you want me to do? Follow Starling, stake out Starling. Increase the pressure on Starling. He will come to her. +...thank you... And how are you this evening, Doctor? No, we know that you're awake... Good evening, Dr. Lechter. Thank you for coming. I am sorry that we could not meet under more pleasant circumstances. +..It won't be long now, sir... OHFORGODSAKE, get ON with it. +He don't like popcorn. No. And... +No. And... I like Popcorn... +I like Popcorn... ...yes, if you'll, just step away... +...yes, if you'll, just step away... You give me whatever I want...? +You give me whatever I want...? Yes. You know I will. That's right. +Yes. You know I will. That's right. Awright. +Agent Starling, would you come with me...? The children...? +The children...? ...they're from Baltimore.... +...they're from Baltimore.... I've never heard that he... +I've never heard that he... It's not something he wants to publicize, Ma'am. It's just something he does. +It's not something he wants to publicize, Ma'am. It's just something he does. I won't take much of his time. +I won't take much of his time. He's glad to help. ...it's just a question of his physical condition. You Understand... +What would that be? He... would consider it a favor if he could make a donation. To a charitable institution of your choice. +He... would consider it a favor if he could make a donation. To a charitable institution of your choice. Now, why in the world would he do that? +Now, why in the world would he do that? I... think... he was.... he was touched, by your reaction. To his appearance. +I... think... he was.... he was touched, by your reaction. To his appearance. What reaction? +What reaction? Exactly. +Exactly. Please, I do not... I don't want to trouble him. But if you or he have any notlon, who would be buying Dr. Lechter's... +Please, I do not... I don't want to trouble him. But if you or he have any notlon, who would be buying Dr. Lechter's... Do you know the seller? +Do you know the seller? We've subpoenaed the Auction House's records. +We've subpoenaed the Auction House's records. Try Barney Clark. +Try Barney Clark. He is...? +He is...? He was the orderly, during Dr. Lechter's stay in Prison. +He was the orderly, during Dr. Lechter's stay in Prison. And how would you know that? +And how would you know that? "Before ""The Change,"" Mr. Verger was... he made quite a study." +"Before ""The Change,"" Mr. Verger was... he made quite a study." You should get the kids a dog... +You should get the kids a dog... "....I hardly think so... after ""The Incident""..." +"....I hardly think so... after ""The Incident""..." No, no, of course not. +No, no, of course not. ...Mr. Verger would be pleased to make a contribution, to the charitable... +...Mr. Verger would be pleased to make a contribution, to the charitable... Tell him to give it to an orphanage. +No, I think he proffers to spend his happy hours with his playmates. ...young boys, still...? +...young boys, still...? ...here's to child abuse! +...here's to child abuse! Mmm... +Mmm... ...and then, he'll be coming down. +...and then, he'll be coming down. You said the bad news... +You said the bad news... Yes, I did. +Yes, I did. I believe that your tone implied that there was some good news.... and, do you know... there might be good news for you... +I believe that your tone implied that there was some good news.... and, do you know... there might be good news for you... "Oh, yes, what? You'd bribe me, to, to, to, ""release"" you...?" +"Oh, yes, what? You'd bribe me, to, to, to, ""release"" you...?" I can make you rich. +I can make you rich. And I expect you to. Let's talk like two medical men +And I expect you to. Let's talk like two medical men Come on, stay with us. Look here: I could get behind you, and give you a spinal, tomorrow, you wuunt feel anything down there, a l'il pulling is all. N'I'll tell you what, after he's got his jollies, ten, f'teen minutes, I'll come down here, give you a shotta this stop your heart, an that's you done, an there's an end to it. What do you say...? I know you got lotsa money, evabody says so. I know how that stuff works, take it out, move it around... ...stay with me now, fuss with it... Whatsay we call your banker now, tell him a code... move that money to me, he confirms it, and I fix you up Right Now... Whatsay? +Come on, stay with us. Look here: I could get behind you, and give you a spinal, tomorrow, you wuunt feel anything down there, a l'il pulling is all. N'I'll tell you what, after he's got his jollies, ten, f'teen minutes, I'll come down here, give you a shotta this stop your heart, an that's you done, an there's an end to it. What do you say...? I know you got lotsa money, evabody says so. I know how that stuff works, take it out, move it around... ...stay with me now, fuss with it... Whatsay we call your banker now, tell him a code... move that money to me, he confirms it, and I fix you up Right Now... Whatsay? ..suitcase...locker... +..suitcase...locker... Come on, Doctor, then you can sleep... +Come on, Doctor, then you can sleep... ...unmarked hundreds.... +...unmarked hundreds.... ....what...? +...fraid, that's about it, Doctor. Let the girl go. +Let the girl go. Why? +Why? For a consideration. +For a consideration. 'fraid it's too late. +Sir: Shut up, Starling... +Shut up, Starling... I could have acted on my own. I was told... +I could have acted on my own. I was told... Starling, I've ordered you to shut... +Starling, I've ordered you to shut... ..I was instructed that this was a Joint Task Force, the FBI, BATF, and the Mayor's Special... +I don't mind being the token woman, what I'm suggesting, send me out there with a token man... who are these Warriors, ¥our cobbled together Strike Force? I'm in the room with a fugitive felon... Starling...? +Starling...? One moment, and they're at the Seven- Eleven. They botched the fallback plan, they... +Why would you say that? Because he sent me in there to be killed...? What is this...? ...what's he got against you? +...what's he got against you? He once made me an improper suggestion. +Look at this: You seen John Brigham...? +You seen John Brigham...? This just came in, over the transom. Fella, works for a Plastic Surgeon, Argentina. Look here: +This just came in, over the transom. Fella, works for a Plastic Surgeon, Argentina. Look here: ...what'm I looking at...? +...what'm I looking at...? A fellow with five fingers. +A fellow with five fingers. ...standard issue... +...standard issue... Not for our Doctor Lechter. This... Purports to be an x-ray of the hand of a ...white male...mmmm....mmmm...., after the removal of a vestigial sixth digit. Left Hand. It purports to be the x-ray of Dr. L... +Not for our Doctor Lechter. This... Purports to be an x-ray of the hand of a ...white male...mmmm....mmmm...., after the removal of a vestigial sixth digit. Left Hand. It purports to be the x-ray of Dr. L... Am I on that case, sir...? +Am I on that case, sir...? No. +No. Well, then--I wouldn't want to be taken for a hobbyist... +Yes sir, I saw it. We have a memo here, from your friend Mr. Krendler at the Justice Department. +We have a memo here, from your friend Mr. Krendler at the Justice Department. I am all attention. +I am all attention. He requests your presence, once again, as part of... +I know you did what you could. I'm going to work for your reinstatement... +I'm going to work for your reinstatement... Reinstatement to what? There ain't nobody there... +Just a moment. Starling didn't... Well, well, well, well, well, she went in there, to apprehend a Dangerous Felon. Went in there with her gun, Came out, without the Felon, without the gun... +Well, well, well, well, well, she went in there, to apprehend a Dangerous Felon. Went in there with her gun, Came out, without the Felon, without the gun... I had... one moment, I had an agent in there, waiting for backup from... +I had... one moment, I had an agent in there, waiting for backup from... ...she couldn't act on her own..? Where is the FBI's vaunted Initiative, where..? +I think that's... {HE STARTS TO RISE, AND THE MEETING BEGINS TO BREAK UP) Starling, I'm sure these gentlemen... And how did she get close enough to disarm you? +She threw a punch at a man on the team. Well, you know, that happens, on the street. +Well, you know, that happens, on the street. What is that supposed to mean...? +What is that supposed to mean...? I think its meaning is clear. +I think its meaning is clear. What, you're saying she was overwrought. +What, you're saying she was overwrought. That could be. +That could be. Because that's understandable, because. She blew the raid. +Because that's understandable, because. She blew the raid. She was there, alone, sir, she was in a burning building, waiting for your folks to come through the wall. And... +She was there, alone, sir, she was in a burning building, waiting for your folks to come through the wall. And... One moment, I'm not done with you... Give him the file... +Your girl's a menace. Here, givver this... Getter off the street and teach her some humility. I don't think so... +I don't think so... Well, then, you have insufficient information. I'm grateful for this opportunity to set you straight. +S'hotter inside than it is outside...even with the air conditioning. You nervous...? +You nervous...? Evone tells me: I shoulda been in, fi, six, months ago.... thizz my first checkup. +Evone tells me: I shoulda been in, fi, six, months ago.... thizz my first checkup. Gonna be fine. You ask your momma. +....I didn't realize I said it out loud. Said what? +Said what? I'm an orphan. +I'm an orphan. Well, then, you're a lucky girl, cause that baby's gone to be your family. ...I've got an appointment.... +Waal... It gets, um... it gets so lonely sometime. +It gets, um... it gets so lonely sometime. What'd you say, hon...? +What'd you say, hon...? I said sometime it gets so... +I said sometime it gets so... Well, don't you worry, cause that baby's gone take care of that. +Waited too long, hon...? How's your child? +I said how's your baby...? You want to hold him...? +You want to hold him...? Waal... +Waal... 'bout time you learned... +Give it up, Evelda. Well, you know my name, honey, but I don't know yours... +Well, you know my name, honey, but I don't know yours... Give it up. +Give it up. Hey, you know, I never thought of that... +Sadly, no. And I find that birth is one of the few things in life which study and a pleasant attitude can not amend. What do you think? And how do we account for the interest of such a charming man, an interest in Torture? +My husband brought it to me from America. A wonderful country... +A wonderful country... You know it? +You know it? I have had many excellent meals there. +I have had many excellent meals there. And yet, they are not know for their cuisine. +And yet, they are not know for their cuisine. ...should love to correct your error. +...should love to correct your error. Well, perhaps sometime we... +My mother told me to ignore the blandishments of charming men. Then, she, herself, possessed some knowledge of the Greater World...How pleased am I to see you looking so well... +How wonderful of you, to hold that information in your busy mind... ...how so? +...how so? ...you told me you were studying for your examination by the Studiolo... +...you told me you were studying for your examination by the Studiolo... And how good of you to remember it. Then, this trip, then, is not a return to America... +And how good of you to remember it. Then, this trip, then, is not a return to America... No, this is pleasure... +No, this is pleasure... And what was the trip before...? +And what was the trip before...? That, that was business... +Of course, Commendatore... Could you tell me: did you ever meet your predecessor, Dottore Fanelli...? +Could you tell me: did you ever meet your predecessor, Dottore Fanelli...? I never met him. I knew him only from his writings. +I never met him. I knew him only from his writings. I know that the officers who first investigated his disappearance searched for a note, a farewell note, a suicide note... +I know that the officers who first investigated his disappearance searched for a note, a farewell note, a suicide note... ...yes. +...yes. You have taken over his offices, is that not so? +You have taken over his offices, is that not so? It is only temporary, until my confirmation by... +It is only temporary, until my confirmation by... Of course, in his offices, if you come across anything, any personal papers of his, anything, however trivial, would you contact me, please... Are his personal effects still at the Palazzo? +Of course, in his offices, if you come across anything, any personal papers of his, anything, however trivial, would you contact me, please... Are his personal effects still at the Palazzo? Yes. Packed and with an inventory. +Yes. Packed and with an inventory. I'll have them picked up. +If your duty requires it. You have a recent scar on the back of your hand. +You have a recent scar on the back of your hand. And you have a new wedding ring on yours? La Vita Nuova?-- +And you have a new wedding ring on yours? La Vita Nuova?-- You looked oddly at me, back on the landing. +You looked oddly at me, back on the landing. Yes, it must be hard to be a policeman. Is it hard? Must one, then, be constantly suspicious? +Yes, it must be hard to be a policeman. Is it hard? Must one, then, be constantly suspicious? Why did you look at me that way? +Why did you look at me that way? I saw a man in disheveled clothing, but clean. Just dressed--in the middle of the... +I saw a man, somewhat fatigued. Quickly dressed, a bit dishevelled. In the middle of the day. An old story. And then I saw the clothing was fresh--therefore: a man who dressed at home. And then I remarked the new wedding ring. And so: the story gave me pause. A lovely story. A new, and a beloved wife. I wish you joy. You assemble this, on the instant, from these few observations? +You assemble this, on the instant, from these few observations? I'm a historian. It is our task to assemble the seemingly unconnected into the obvious. +I'm a historian. It is our task to assemble the seemingly unconnected into the obvious. ...your scar..? +...your scar..? My scar is a war-wound. +My scar is a war-wound. How so? +How so? Carpal-tunnel syndrome. From a life of typing. Commendatore. History, a hazardous profession. +Yes. How did you know? You resemble a figure from the Della Robia Rondels, in your family's chapel at Santa Croce. +You resemble a figure from the Della Robia Rondels, in your family's chapel at Santa Croce. It was Adresa de Pazzi, depicted as John the Baptist. You have seen the chapel? +It was Adresa de Pazzi, depicted as John the Baptist. You have seen the chapel? I have had the honor. +And? Then? I wonder no longer. You were out of the country. +I wonder no longer. You were out of the country. How could you know? +How could you know? "I sense... The faintest whiff of a perfume, whose base, whose base, whose base is ""Hamamelis"" ... it is witch-hazel--such a clean scent. No, not a European scent. I would say it is a scent of the New World. I would say, you have been in America. Have I struck home?" +"I sense... The faintest whiff of a perfume, whose base, whose base, whose base is ""Hamamelis"" ... it is witch-hazel--such a clean scent. No, not a European scent. I would say it is a scent of the New World. I would say, you have been in America. Have I struck home?" You know America? +You know America? ...you have brought this perfume... brought this perfume. Back. Back from America. To your New Wife... You have given it to her, and some of... Some of 'her perfume' has found its way back onto you. Lucky man. Lucky man, indeed. +Darling, Dr. Fell. My wife Madame Pazzi. Enchante. +Dr. Fell is studying for his examination by the Studiolo. Indeed I am. And the connection, between Dante, and, in fact, between your illustrious forebears... if you'd come with me, I could show you... +Darling... Well, if you will excuse me. Madame. What a pleasure. +Well, if you will excuse me. Madame. What a pleasure. The commissioner is going round the Cafe... +Who does not? If such there breathe, I'm sure you could unearth him... Your reputation does you honor. +If such there breathe, I'm sure you could unearth him... Your reputation does you honor. I've left my program... +I've left my program... Take mine. Ah. And is that your wife... Signora. Can it be that you are lovelier, even, than at our last encounter...? +...long overdue. Back to America...? When first we met you'd just returned from America. +I'm not a scholar, Dottore. But it seemed as if they, as if they... Yes, I think I amused them. To what do I owe...? +Yes, I think I amused them. To what do I owe...? I require... +I require... ...yes, yes, yes... +I'd like to walk home with you, and... Yes, of course, and we'll collect them. I won't be a minute... +...Franklin. Where do you live? +Where do you live? With Mama and Shirley and Stringbean. +In and out. Yes. And Mama... and Mama, is not your real Mama, is she Franklin? She my foster. +She my foster. She's not the first foster that you've had. Is she? +She's not the first foster that you've had. Is she? No. +No. Do you like it at your home, Franklin? +Do you like it at your home, Franklin? We got KittyKat... +We got KittyKat... Yes.... yes... +Yes.... yes... ...and Shirly, let me sleep with her sometime. +...and Shirly, let me sleep with her sometime. Yes. Franklin, you can't live there anymore. With Mama and Shirly and Kittykat. You have to go away. +Yes. Franklin, you can't live there anymore. With Mama and Shirly and Kittykat. You have to go away. ...who say...? +...who say...? The government says. Mama has lost her job, so she can't be your foster mother. The police found a marijuana cigarette in your home. You can't see Mama anymore. Or Shirley. Or Kitty Cat. That's what the Government says... +Make them eat the figurine. They will, sir. We train them, to the figurine, eventually, they consume a man, say, 80 kilos, say, in... +They will, sir. We train them, to the figurine, eventually, they consume a man, say, 80 kilos, say, in... ...tell them... +...they eat the dummy, sir, they eat the man... I keep them hungry. When... when do we think this man arrives. Is it necessary to know? +Is it necessary to know? Well, I don't want to starve them too long. They die. +Well, I don't want to starve them too long. They die. Oh, no, no. It won't be that long. +And you let her get away. Sir, with all due respect.... +You find something objectionable to working in partnership with.... Sir, I'm in Law Enforcement, I was out there, dealing with an armed and dangerous... +Sir, I'm in Law Enforcement, I was out there, dealing with an armed and dangerous... You were given backup.... +You were given backup.... THEN WHERE WAS IT? I'm sent out there... I'm told that the arrest must be a joint... +THEN WHERE WAS IT? I'm sent out there... I'm told that the arrest must be a joint... I'm saying: ... and what's wrong with that. +I'm saying: ... and what's wrong with that. And I'm telling you: You wanna throw a Birthday Party: Every kid gets a Chance to Play, that's fine, but... +And I'm telling you: You wanna throw a Birthday Party: Every kid gets a Chance to Play, that's fine, but... No, I don't get you... +No, I don't get you... Due respect, you don't, sir, your precious Joint Operation. FBI, ATF, DC SWAT, it's alphabet soup, we don't have the same Radio Freqs, we don't... +Due respect, you don't, sir, your precious Joint Operation. FBI, ATF, DC SWAT, it's alphabet soup, we don't have the same Radio Freqs, we don't... Oh, is this your political position, you're opposed to Joint... +Oh, is this your political position, you're opposed to Joint... I'm opposed to being part, Your Rainbow Coalition. Evelda Drumgo? I could of took her down in a snap of the fingers-- But-- I'm out there, and my Rules of Engagement... +And, fine, alright, and fine... what are youdoing, this whole time? Sir, I was, as instructed, waiting for the Arrival of the Strike Force. {PAUSE) +...spend some time on the streets. Ask me then... Thank you, that's not responsive. How did our Miss Drumgo get... +I came to pay my... ...get outta my way, you sonofabitch... +...get outta my way, you sonofabitch... I realize, you're under a lot of.... +I realize, you're under a lot of.... You put my friend in the ground, with your mickeymouse TaskForce... Izsat the kind of Headlines that Preserve and Promote, you, sir? +...may be the heat.... Let's get her out of here.... +Can you walk? Are your legs working...? Perhaps... shall we see...? +Perhaps... shall we see...? I'm going to cut you loose. With all due respect, Doctor, if you fuck with me, I'll shoot you dead, do you understand...? Do right and you'll live through this. +I'm going to cut you loose. With all due respect, Doctor, if you fuck with me, I'll shoot you dead, do you understand...? Do right and you'll live through this. Spoken like a Protestant. +You look lovely. "Thank you. No, I know you'd prefer ""I'm glad you find me so...""" +"Thank you. No, I know you'd prefer ""I'm glad you find me so...""" I'd prefer you to say what you feel. +I'd prefer you to say what you feel. What is that that smells so wonderful. +What is that that smells so wonderful. I hope you'll find it so. Yes. It's good to see you regaining your strength... +I hope you'll find it so. Yes. It's good to see you regaining your strength... Thanks to you... +...I'm sorry....? ...we were speaking of my father... +...we were speaking of my father... Indeed we were. +Indeed we were. ...and my need for The Institution... +...and my need for The Institution... Freud, do you know...? Freud psychoanalyzed patients in One Afternoon. +Freud, do you know...? Freud psychoanalyzed patients in One Afternoon. And how did he do that? +And how did he do that? He saw the truth, and spoke it... +He saw the truth, and spoke it... I'm afraid, this wine is making me woozy... +I'm afraid, this wine is making me woozy... ...you have to eat... +Thank you, Cordell. ...but will that satisfy you? +...but will that satisfy you? Why should you care? +Why should you care? It is not that I care for you--but that I posses an enquiring mind. What will you do when I am gone? When you have nothing to occupy your thoughts, save the memory of your own folly, and, more to the point, stupidity. +It is not that I care for you--but that I posses an enquiring mind. What will you do when I am gone? When you have nothing to occupy your thoughts, save the memory of your own folly, and, more to the point, stupidity. ARE YOU DONE? +ARE YOU DONE? Yes. +Yes. You don't wish to beg...? +You don't wish to beg...? Would that add to your mirth? +Would that add to your mirth? Explain in depth the plan we have for him. Until tomorrow. +The girl could use some help. You're free... +You're free... ...which of us is free...? +...which of us is free...? Yes, to cease to Hope is the Greatest Crime. The Greatest crime. Perhaps the only crime. I never ceased to hope! +Yes, to cease to Hope is the Greatest Crime. The Greatest crime. Perhaps the only crime. I never ceased to hope! The girl needs help. +The girl needs help. And what would be of Greater Help, than to release her, from the bonds of this sordid earthly existence. DON'T YOU THINK? IN WHICH THE INNOCENT ARE TORTURED IN WAYS WHICH WOULD MAKE THE ANGUISH OF THE DAMNED SEEM TAME AND UNIMAGINATIVE, DON'T YOU THINK? BLIND HIM AGAIN, AND PREPARE HIM AND HER FOR THE PIGS! +And what would be of Greater Help, than to release her, from the bonds of this sordid earthly existence. DON'T YOU THINK? IN WHICH THE INNOCENT ARE TORTURED IN WAYS WHICH WOULD MAKE THE ANGUISH OF THE DAMNED SEEM TAME AND UNIMAGINATIVE, DON'T YOU THINK? BLIND HIM AGAIN, AND PREPARE HIM AND HER FOR THE PIGS! ...might I make a suggestion...? +...might I make a suggestion...? ...after you' re dead. AND WHEN I GIVE THE WORD, do you understand...when I give the word... +...when I... ...what has she done to harm you...? +You want another drink, honey...? I want the same drink. Cause it did me good... but I already drunk it, so, barring that, yes, I would like another. +What's that, Baby? Alcohol. Where both its life-enhancing And its life destroying qualities... ...not unlike some Hindu God... +Alcohol. Where both its life-enhancing And its life destroying qualities... ...not unlike some Hindu God... I guess the only thing is Suck it Up... +I guess the only thing is Suck it Up... Well. Excellent... I'm... +Our Mister Frendler to, to, to humiliate me, though.... What else's he goin to do with his day, he can't work, and he won't steal... +What else's he goin to do with his day, he can't work, and he won't steal... Oh baby, oh baby.... +Look what they put her on... No, that is code-word material, that's what that is.... +You should get Married. That's what I should do. Tell me why? +That's what I should do. Tell me why? Because, baby, you're looking to find love in an institution, that's your only chance.... +Because, baby, you're looking to find love in an institution, that's your only chance.... Yeah, but who would marry friendless me... Howabout you, Romeo...? +Yeah, well, they solved that: turns out, he'uz a cannibal... Show'm the FBI Handshake... +Show'm the FBI Handshake... I am no going to show you the secret handshake! +Yeah, well, it's a raw wound, innit, you're gonna bump it, every time you turn around... but you know what the trick is...? ...not to turn around. +Because you're going to help me plan a party. You're going to do that? +You're going to do that? I'm going to do it, and you're going to catch the bouquet. +I'm going to do it, and you're going to catch the bouquet. The Multi-Jurisdiction Task Force: read alphabet soup, for the continued pursuit, and in preparation for the apprehension of the fugitive, Evelda Drumgo. The man's hazing you. +The Multi-Jurisdiction Task Force: read alphabet soup, for the continued pursuit, and in preparation for the apprehension of the fugitive, Evelda Drumgo. The man's hazing you. My daddy would say: accept with glee the things you cannot change. +My daddy would say: accept with glee the things you cannot change. I'll tell you what: I should go in there, volunteer to fill up his Female Quota. +I'll tell you what: I should go in there, volunteer to fill up his Female Quota. Mr. Crawford asked my opinion. Here we've got a purported x-ray, Dr. Lechter's surgery. Do we keep it secret, or broadcast it? +Mr. Crawford asked my opinion. Here we've got a purported x-ray, Dr. Lechter's surgery. Do we keep it secret, or broadcast it? "Saying what, ""Look out for a guy with ten fingers...?""" +"Saying what, ""Look out for a guy with ten fingers...?""" Yeah, that's too Hip for the Room. +Yeah, that's too Hip for the Room. You stay offa this Alphabet Soup Detail, all this half-baked, cowboy stuff, till after you get your mind cleared.... you don't wanna go out there a half-step slow... +You stay offa this Alphabet Soup Detail, all this half-baked, cowboy stuff, till after you get your mind cleared.... you don't wanna go out there a half-step slow... I don't wanna go out there at all... +I don't wanna go out there at all... What do you want to do? You want to jam up that sonofabitch Krendler. +What do you want to do? You want to jam up that sonofabitch Krendler. No. I want to buy a dog. +No. I want to buy a dog. What broke you free, Girl? +What broke you free, Girl? I met a man, and His Troubles Were Greater Than Mine... +What was it. What was it, honey? ...something about my father...? +...something about my father...? ...what? +...what? Do you think you could make a cup of coffee, cause I'm going to work. +...what...? N'not that sad. +No. Every suicide kills two. +Every suicide kills two. Yeah. Well. They're a talkative buncha commentators. +Yeah. Well. They're a talkative buncha commentators. You got a lot of people love you, Starling. +You got a lot of people love you, Starling. Trouble is, they all seem to die. +Trouble is, they all seem to die. Y'want to gimme Brigham's pistol? +Y'want to gimme Brigham's pistol? What would you guess, Ardelia? +What would you guess, Ardelia? You goin to shoot yourself? +You goin to shoot yourself? Don't shoot yourself. +Don't shoot yourself. Why? +Why? Cause I'm tired, cleaning up after you. Why dontcha gimme the gun? +Give me your gun... ...what...? +...the purpose of the exercise... is it because they are expensive... They aren't expensive, you got them through your connections.... speaking of which: +They aren't expensive, you got them through your connections.... speaking of which: Fine, thank you, but +Fine, thank you, but Speaking of which, I want you also to get us tickets for the Opera... +Speaking of which, I want you also to get us tickets for the Opera... ...whatever is within my power... +...whatever is within my power... ...and that is what you need to expand. +...and that is what you need to expand. I don't understand. +I don't understand. We are here on sufferance. I am here... +We are here on sufferance. I am here... ...why are we here in the first place...? +...why are we here in the first place...? Because it is exclusive... because everyone will be here... +...my love... ...they asked us to dinner. How can we accept if we cannot return the... +...they asked us to dinner. How can we accept if we cannot return the... I am on the track of... +I am on the track of... Yes, yes, yes, your thirty thousand dollars reward, which you would have to split with your team, which, if you get it, will not buy me a new watch... +Yes, yes, yes, your thirty thousand dollars reward, which you would have to split with your team, which, if you get it, will not buy me a new watch... ...what do you expect me to... +No. Invite us? No, he simply... Then we cannot go. +Then we cannot go. Because...? +Because...? Because we cannot pay... +"""Because we don't have any money.""" ....because we don't have any mmm... +....because we don't have any mmm... The Case that I am working on... +The Case that I am working on... It's a joke. You're a joke. You're a joke. You don't know what money is-- your idea of money... ...spend it on a whore on your 'business trip.' That is the fine limit of your ambitions... +Ask me when we get home. Oh, my program... +...and then, we're going to Greece... Yes, but the important thing, as I've said... +Yes, but the important thing, as I've said... ...get me a cigarette. +Hello....? ...what did you want? +...what did you want? I know where he is. +I know where he is. I'm sure I don't know who you mean. +I'm sure I don't know who you mean. I know where he is. +I know where he is. And why should we believe you? +And why should we believe you? I know something no one knows. He has had his finger removed. On his left hand. It left a scar. +I know something no one knows. He has had his finger removed. On his left hand. It left a scar. What shape is the scar? +What shape is the scar? I want the money. +I want the money. What shape is the scar? +What shape is the scar? The shape of a Three. +An Honor. Carlo Pazzi.... No, y'know, I never doubted it... +No, y'know, I never doubted it... You were kind enough, today, to take my photograph. +You were kind enough, today, to take my photograph. Well, that's you see, what I am, kind and feeling. +...sadly... Hey, lost again. +Hey, lost again. But perhaps, there is some, some less radical solution. +But perhaps, there is some, some less radical solution. I'm sure there is, but my young Friend here, would kill you. +I'm sure there is, but my young Friend here, would kill you. His feelings do him honor. And I have come, simply, to pay my respects to the great Clarice Starling... +His feelings do him honor. And I have come, simply, to pay my respects to the great Clarice Starling... The great and beautiful... +The great and beautiful... Is it necessary to say of the sea that it is salt, that the stars are far, that... +Is it necessary to say of the sea that it is salt, that the stars are far, that... No,I get it, this is my Cavalier. This gents my Italian Knight. Take this... For this shall be my gage, and you can take it into battle. +No,I get it, this is my Cavalier. This gents my Italian Knight. Take this... For this shall be my gage, and you can take it into battle. Thank you. +Thank you. Or clear your windshield with it. +Or clear your windshield with it. ...what a lovely perfume. +...what a lovely perfume. Waal, you c'n only get it in one shop in Alexandria Virginia, n'that's where I'm going, cause I'm goin home, f'i can get n'y'one, Of That Nature, to take her there... +"...this one is my favorite. It has not title. They should call it ""fetch,"" whaddaya think...?" I know it well. +I know it well. Do you. What does that mean? +Do you. What does that mean? It is a gravestone in the cemetery of ______ in my native Florence. +Yeah, I'm sure it's famed for lotsa things, and you're one'a'them... ...but: this particular statue... +...but: this particular statue... "Waal, you hold fast to that thought, as I'm sure, that's a ""clue""..." +"Waal, you hold fast to that thought, as I'm sure, that's a ""clue""..." ....this is perhaps an inappropriate time... but, I would like to say, it is an honor to meet the Woman who solved the celebrated Hannibal Lechter... +....this is perhaps an inappropriate time... but, I would like to say, it is an honor to meet the Woman who solved the celebrated Hannibal Lechter... I din't solve it, I didn't 'solve it'. I just sat a dance out with him. Facts, facts, facts. Facts, close the case, cavalier. +I din't solve it, I didn't 'solve it'. I just sat a dance out with him. Facts, facts, facts. Facts, close the case, cavalier. ...a case, so, so fascinating, so... +What're they on about? They're grilling the applicant for the Vacant Post. +They're grilling the applicant for the Vacant Post. Speaking of the Vacant Post. +Speaking of the Vacant Post. Dottore Fanelli... +...a Dr. Fell. A Brazilian, I think. Applying for Fanelli's post. Brazilian. +Brazilian. It would seem. +...a liaison position... And what does that mean? +And what does that mean? ...I feel that... +...I feel that... """A liaison position with the Opera.""" +She must be something special After Dark. I can't remember. I've got to make some money. +I can't remember. I've got to make some money. Thirty thousand dollars reward. In the whereabouts of Il Dottore Fanelli, or the apprehension of his... +Thirty thousand dollars reward. In the whereabouts of Il Dottore Fanelli, or the apprehension of his... ...yes, yes, yes.... +Tell me why...? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be impolite. Because, you know, you can't understand. +I'm sorry, I don't mean to be impolite. Because, you know, you can't understand. Then tell me. +Then tell me. Well, you know, you know, you know, the point is: I can't tell you. Cause you haven't been there. You haven't done it. And that's all there is. +Well, you know, you know, you know, the point is: I can't tell you. Cause you haven't been there. You haven't done it. And that's all there is. ...and to have done it, means, can mean to accept, not only danger, but betrayal...? +...and to have done it, means, can mean to accept, not only danger, but betrayal...? ....that's right. +....that's right. ..and humiliation? What is this new job they've...? +..and humiliation? What is this new job they've...? No. That's right. That's all part of it. +No. That's right. That's all part of it. Then, that being so, why is today special? Why have you come back to see me? Is it that new file they gave you? +Then, that being so, why is today special? Why have you come back to see me? Is it that new file they gave you? I don't think so. +I don't think so. Then what brings you back? +Then what brings you back? I don't know. Do you know...? +I don't know. Do you know...? Yes. I think I do. I think it is a phrase you used with that woman. You told her you were an orphan. You used, to your mind, your most private fears. +Yes. I think I do. I think it is a phrase you used with that woman. You told her you were an orphan. You used, to your mind, your most private fears. ...no... +...no... ...you called up memories of your father to... +...you called up memories of your father to... ...no... +...no... ...barter with her. To appeal to her, and you feel that... +...barter with her. To appeal to her, and you feel that... No, I don't think so... +No, I don't think so... It is you who have betrayed... +It is you who have betrayed... ...no. +...no. Your father. It is not they, who... +Your father. It is not they, who... Well, no... That's... I appreciate your help, but... +Yes. What does that mean? +What does that mean? I saw a man today, a man so hideously deformed who'll spend his life in a hospital bbb... +I saw a man today, a man so hideously deformed who'll spend his life in a hospital bbb... Yes, so you said. But what does that mean: to go beyond The Institution. +Yes, so you said. But what does that mean: to go beyond The Institution. If he could overcome... his need for... for self-ratification... +If he could overcome... his need for... for self-ratification... ...would you use a small word? +...would you use a small word? For approval. +For approval. What's wrong with approval? You admired that man. +What's wrong with approval? You admired that man. Yes. +Yes. "How do you think that made him feel? What does that mean, ""to go beyond the institution...?""" +"How do you think that made him feel? What does that mean, ""to go beyond the institution...?""" I told that woman I'm an orphan. +I told that woman I'm an orphan. ...you are an orphan. +...you are an orphan. "But... but....but.... you're right. I used it. To bargain. For her sympathy... I used it--to ""whore myself out""--" +"But... but....but.... you're right. I used it. To bargain. For her sympathy... I used it--to ""whore myself out""--" Welcome to the human race. Do you know, there are people who admire you? Reasonable people. Why don't you find them...? +Yes, but no one is in control of their emotions. that's all we have time for today... I don't understand. +I don't understand. "You said: that you have ""decided."" That your... your feelings of persecution, as you put it are a ""self- indulgence,"" and you are going to put them aside. And get on with your job." +"You said: that you have ""decided."" That your... your feelings of persecution, as you put it are a ""self- indulgence,"" and you are going to put them aside. And get on with your job." That's right. +That's right. "And you have decided to accept... to accept this ""emotion,"" as you put it, to the ... the ""sweepings. of the Lechter case." +"And you have decided to accept... to accept this ""emotion,"" as you put it, to the ... the ""sweepings. of the Lechter case." Yes. +Yes. "And you've decided to get married. You've decided a lot of things. But, in spite of your decisions--you are still ""nagged"" by feelings of: despair, of failure of... you still have the nightmare, you..." +"And you've decided to get married. You've decided a lot of things. But, in spite of your decisions--you are still ""nagged"" by feelings of: despair, of failure of... you still have the nightmare, you..." What is your point? +What is your point? That if decision were a useful tool, you wouldn't be here. Why are you here...? +That if decision were a useful tool, you wouldn't be here. Why are you here...? I.. +I.. ...yes...? +...yes...? I want to do something positive... +I want to do something positive... You want some advice. +You want some advice. Yes. +Yes. "Your life has been defined by institutions. The Orphanage where you were raised, the FBI Academy, the Bureau. If the Institution is your life, accept it. Ask to be reinstated on the ""Drumgo"" task force. Play their game." +"Your life has been defined by institutions. The Orphanage where you were raised, the FBI Academy, the Bureau. If the Institution is your life, accept it. Ask to be reinstated on the ""Drumgo"" task force. Play their game." ...why? +...why? Because it's the game you've chosen. That's really all we have time for. +He was shot...he was shot. On his rounds. And... and... That's when you went to the Orphanage... +And all he left us: the Country brought back his hat, and his badge... both with a bullethole in them. An' that's what he left us. That's what I said. And you have been dreaming... dreaming about this Hat, and... +And you have been dreaming... dreaming about this Hat, and... And. I always said, he was a P'lice officer. +And. I always said, he was a P'lice officer. ...yes...? +...yes...? But. He was a night watchman. That's what he was. N'They brought back, his hat, his badge, an his timeclock. N'then they took me off. I saw... I saw. Clear as day, do you, do they call it a delusion? His hat an his badge. Clear as day, bulletholes and all. +But. He was a night watchman. That's what he was. N'They brought back, his hat, his badge, an his timeclock. N'then they took me off. I saw... I saw. Clear as day, do you, do they call it a delusion? His hat an his badge. Clear as day, bulletholes and all. When? +When? But they were not there. Yesterday. Is that called a Delusion...? +For the worst hurt, of course, that which will not heal, is the conviction no one cares. I've come to see you, sir, about an Auction... +Ah, yes, ah yes. Our Doctor Lechter... And have they sent you, once again to capture him? How terrible for you... No, sir, it's not my job to capt... why do you say how terrible? +No, sir, it's not my job to capt... why do you say how terrible? Because we must leave the past in the past. Ah. And here we have artifacts of, yes, my own encounter with him... +Sir, various drawings, done by Dr. Lechter, while in prison, stolen from the prison after his escape, have surfaced and are being sold at auction. Several large reserve bids have been placed on them. I have to ask if you've placed those bids. Because? +Because? Because if it was not you, then, perhaps it was Dr. Lechter, trying to reclaim his own property. +Because if it was not you, then, perhaps it was Dr. Lechter, trying to reclaim his own property. And why would you suspect me, of this ghoulishness? +And why would you suspect me, of this ghoulishness? Because, sir, you are the only one of his victims who lived. And because you have large resources. +Because, sir, you are the only one of his victims who lived. And because you have large resources. Large resources, Starling, which I prefer to devote elsewhere.... +My encounter. Someone offered three million dollars bounty on Dr. Lechter's head. +...sir...? Isn't it funny? You can look on my face which you would grant me, is the most hideous sight you will see in what I hope is a long life. You can look at me. Which shows a Strength which must come from strong strong convictions. But you shy when I say the name of God. +Yes, then, you're saying that you haven't bid upon these drawings. I have not, I would not. For life life goes on Starling. And, wait, wait, I wish to talk to you... I'm... One moment. I was afflicted, do you see, but my affliction was not in my meeting with your Dr. Lechter. I was afflicted before. Before. Do you see? In my arrogance. Do not Do not curse God when you are humiliated. Listen to me: embrace it, and you embrace life.... Listen, and you hear the word of God... +Believe me, I wish I knew less. Oh, if you weren't such a pig... I can be a good pig. Babe. Charlotte's Web. Good pig. Watch. +Sadist! I can't believe I thought you could change--This is your idea of discipline? You're a monster. That kid is going to be traumatized for... About three days. I'm a monster. He's a monster. Actually, we're both just guys. I don't expect you to understand that I... +No really, keep talking, I ree-ally want to hear what you have to say, you're just so eloquent... Why are you...don't stop...why? +Why are you...don't stop...why? """Why?"" If I asked questions like that, I'd never make love-""love""-- Damn you, Damn this, damnit!" +It's funny, when I first met you I thought you were such a weirdo...I still think you're a nut, but you're my nut. Yeah...Are we going to do it or what? I still haven't packed. +Yeah...Are we going to do it or what? I still haven't packed. Why are you being so grouchy--This is an important night for us... +Why are you being so grouchy--This is an important night for us... Adam. Dollface. We had a physical relationship that served a purpose and now... +Adam. Dollface. We had a physical relationship that served a purpose and now... But, but that was before we started sharing stuff. Before I told you how I cried when Peepers died. I never told anyone that before. +But, but that was before we started sharing stuff. Before I told you how I cried when Peepers died. I never told anyone that before. And this Peepers was your...dog? If it makes you feel better, I probably wasn't paying attention. +And this Peepers was your...dog? If it makes you feel better, I probably wasn't paying attention. That doesn't make me feel better! Why are you being like this? +That doesn't make me feel better! Why are you being like this? Don't raise your voice at--I gave you the ultimate male fantasy--sex, nothing on the side. Don't pretend we shared anything other than fluids. +Don't raise your voice at--I gave you the ultimate male fantasy--sex, nothing on the side. Don't pretend we shared anything other than fluids. Stop it, stop it, you satanic whore! +You think you're so...but you're just... That's it, Adam, pretend it's one of those arcade things, the tighter you squeeze, the more of a man you are...Ooh, that's it. +I'm gay. Like you didn't know. Andrew. You're not gay; you're ten. You shouldn't even be having thoughts like... +Andrew. You're not gay; you're ten. You shouldn't even be having thoughts like... You mean you didn't have any gay thoughts when you were my age... +You mean you didn't have any gay thoughts when you were my age... Well, uh...Promise me you won't do anything until you're 18. +Well, uh...Promise me you won't do anything until you're 18. Did you wait until you were 18? +I'll bet you're glad I waited until the last day to have this conversation. You have no idea. Now run away. +Okay, okay, just don't everyone talk at once...First of all, little Jason has a learning disability... Yeah, his lack of intelligence. Sorry, Wendy, but as learning disabilities go, stupidity is often overlooked. +Now what? What did I do this time? I just wanted to know if you've seen this. +Summer would have been a lot less without you. You're a true friend, Donald. Was there a night that I got really drunk and declared that I never loved anyone as much as I loved you? +Was there a night that I got really drunk and declared that I never loved anyone as much as I loved you? No. +No. That's good. I wouldn't have wanted to embarrass myself. +Pamela Anderson, Kate Moss, Halle Berry, and Fiona Apple, all naked in one room. You can do anything you want to them, except one of them has full-blown Aids, and you don't know who. And you're not allowed to use a condom. Call me conservative, but I'd rub my penis on the faces of all the ladies before bestowing the final honors to the divine Ms. Berry's lovely visage. +Call me conservative, but I'd rub my penis on the faces of all the ladies before bestowing the final honors to the divine Ms. Berry's lovely visage. Yowza--Only a virgin could answer that fast. +Yowza--Only a virgin could answer that fast. I'm not really a--Does it count if... +Do you realize if the women of America would have just heard what you said... They wouldn't be a bit surprised.. +Make it seem you have this comfortable, mysterious life and you don't give a shit whether she's a part of it. Oh, and bring up India, Talia has this obsession... Whoa, Donald, play hard to get, not hard to want...Let Talia know that your goofy act is just something you do for the kids.... It is? I don't know about this, Wichita. Am I even right for Talia? ] What About Wendy? I mean, you and ] Wendy--how are you and Wendy... ] ] WICHITA ] Complicated. Extremely. ] ] Wichita and Donald drift closer toward the head-setted Wendy, ] who stands to the side of the searchers like a commandant. ] ] WENDY ] Now remember, people, let's keep ] away from the mountain. Repeat... ] ] There you are. Could you possibly ] do one thing and help keep the ] campers away from.... ] ] WICHITA ] ] Hey everybody, we're climbing the ] mountain! ] +Howdy Pouty. I was pretty confident that I was going to blow it with Talia, but I must say, I outdid myself. +I was pretty confident that I was going to blow it with Talia, but I must say, I outdid myself. She's still pissed at me and took it out on you. We should have taken it slower. It's hard to operate in the woods. Much easier in, like a club. Tell the girl you've got to go do something, leave her view, take way too long until she is worried that you're not coming back. Just as she starts feeling awful, you come up from behind and touch her neck... +She's still pissed at me and took it out on you. We should have taken it slower. It's hard to operate in the woods. Much easier in, like a club. Tell the girl you've got to go do something, leave her view, take way too long until she is worried that you're not coming back. Just as she starts feeling awful, you come up from behind and touch her neck... You are the prince of the darkness. +I'm in the picture on Wendy's wall. Niagara Falls. Family trip. Little Wendy foreground. Me background. What are the odds on that one? Uh, yeah, that's...wow. +Uh, yeah, that's...wow. I couldn't tell her...it's, it's too major...Jesus, I'm starting to believe in God and what's worse I think I like the guy. The lightning bolt was just a test, right? Wendy and I--we're meant to be. I'm right, right? I have to see her... +I couldn't tell her...it's, it's too major...Jesus, I'm starting to believe in God and what's worse I think I like the guy. The lightning bolt was just a test, right? Wendy and I--we're meant to be. I'm right, right? I have to see her... Say Hi for me. +Eavesdropping, eh? Hear anything good? Man, it's not like I don't know about women. I had this babysitter... +That really sucked, Eric, what you did, asking him that... Oh thanks, it was nothing... +Oh thanks, it was nothing... You know, I think I left something by the lake. Could you check it out-- You'll know it when you see it... +You know, I think I left something by the lake. Could you check it out-- You'll know it when you see it... Sure, Wichita. Whatever you say... +There you are! Man, I don't know how to thank... Eric...You can't be like me. You have to be better. I'm not the guy you think I am... +Eric...You can't be like me. You have to be better. I'm not the guy you think I am... Of course you are. You don't know what I was like before I met you. You're like the best counselor ever. +Man, she's losing it... It's about time. Isn't Fun great? +Talia, don't go! Wha-at? What is it? +Wha-at? What is it? Everything. +Whew, that wasn't a period. That was an exclamation mark. You know, Hayley, behind every great woman is a great first menstruation anecdote. I hope so... +I hope so... This is...this is...a very special moment... +Freeze! You're busted! What are you gonna do about it? +What are you gonna do about it? Ooh, I'll think of something, missy. A telescope? Where you going? I don't want to know. +Thanks, Talia...Why are you so nice to me? Why am I so--That's new--The way I figure it is if I can get through to just one camper...then I'm a pretty incompetent counselor. ] Don't get caught. I'll deny ] everything. ] +Mine! You guys have been so colossal... +Go stand by the flagpole. Sorry about all that...I'm your CIT-- Jasper. +Sorry about all that...I'm your CIT-- Jasper. When all else fails, Jasper--Gum. Even now in these troubled times, ] every child's drug of choice. ] +You are to be executed at Dawn anyway. Might as well commit the crime. Go to her, Wichita... You're all making me blush... +No, they're not from Wendy. Your Secret admirer? +Your Secret admirer? Not so secret anymore. Don't look all at once...behind the pine...Dorothy from Cabin Seven. +I guess it was too much to ask that it would somebody older...and maler. Like you. Hey, I thought I wasn't your type. +Hey, I thought I wasn't your type. Wichita--you're everybody's type. But seriously, don't worry about it. I get my occasional crushes. +Wichita--you're everybody's type. But seriously, don't worry about it. I get my occasional crushes. Hey, it's not a crush anymore if ] you actually say it to the person ] you supposedly have the... ] ] JASPER ] Thought I'd get points for a post- ] modern approach to coming on to you. ] +Hey, it's not a crush anymore if ] you actually say it to the person ] you supposedly have the... ] ] JASPER ] Thought I'd get points for a post- ] modern approach to coming on to you. ] Goodnight, Jasper. +Goodnight, Jasper. Goodnight. +You're a little harsh on Todd. You're a little harsh on everybody. I know ] you like to think of yourself as ] the Anti-Oberon, but man, you're ] getting just as spooky. What was ] that speech in there? Does Camp really ] have to be a revolutionary act? Can't ] the children, at their own pace, ] discover... ] ] WICHITA ] Yeah, okay, I was a little out of ] hand, but come on, you got to give me Todd. Don't get me wrong, I've learned to love the little Piggy, but Todd is the most invincible loser I've ever come across. His greatest talent is lack thereof. No matter ] what the category, bet against him ] and win. ] Stop, stop...I'm willing to put my mouth where my mouth is...I throw one overhand pass and Todd catches it-- dramatic pause--You let me go down on you... +Stop, stop...I'm willing to put my mouth where my mouth is...I throw one overhand pass and Todd catches it-- dramatic pause--You let me go down on you... Hello?! What's in it for me? +Hello?! What's in it for me? Thanks a lot. Seriously though, by winning this bet, you will prove to the world that you indeed know everything. Isn't the rush of gambling on your cynical philosophy of life enough? +"Are we allowed to start hating ""Wendy"" yet...""Gee Wichita, I guess mosquitoes have always liked me.""" You and Wichita go to school together, right? Have you two ever... +You and Wichita go to school together, right? Have you two ever... That would be a No. +That would be a No. That wants to be a Yes. +I don't know what I'm doing. I know he only likes me as a friend. He's just so...everything--I know he only likes me as a--but it came up that he used to be a camp counselor and I used to be a camp counselor... Get him alone for the summer. Out in the wilderness. Underneath the stars... +Am-ber! Uh...don't do that. """or you're going to get it?"" Wow, first week of camp. Promise me you won't try moving so fast with Wichita." +"""or you're going to get it?"" Wow, first week of camp. Promise me you won't try moving so fast with Wichita." Don't worry, I have 33 more days to find just the perfect moment to tell him how I... +Don't forget, when you get home, O.B.'s. They're created by a female gynecologist. Yeah, an insane female gynecologist! Hayley, don't listen to her. +Yeah, an insane female gynecologist! Hayley, don't listen to her. They're the easiest to shoplift, okay? No woman should have to pay for something forced-on-her-without- choice by Nature...what's the matter, Hayley? ] ] As they playfully bicker, Hayley gazes, with a tinge of ] longing, to Vanessa and the Bombshellettes parked at a picnic ] table, flirting up a storm with their cute-boy-counterparts. ] ] TALIA ] What do you think--it's the Last ] Night of Camp Dance. ] ] PIXEL ] What are you saying? She doesn't need ] some boy to validate her summer ] experience! ] ] TALIA ] Oh of course she does, you dumb ] bitch. Just because we're feminist, ] doesn't mean we have to be totally ] abnormal. ] ] PIXEL ] Hayley back me up... ] ] HAYLEY ] ] One dance would be kind of ] nice...Don't hate me, Pixel. ] ] PIXEL ] ] I don't. Now go away, Talia and I ] need to huddle... ] +Wendy, don't be afraid to get a little stupid and contagious. The kids don't understand that this is our summer, too. We shouldn't have to put our lives on hold to be their butlers. I just don't know about this whole actual sexuality thing--How do you go from being friends with a guy to wanting to put the thing he uses to go to the bathroom with in your mouth? +What are you doing? Nothing. +You know you just do this for shock value. It's not shocking. When did pretending to be bored become a sign of superiority? Are you mad at me for giving the cabin new haircuts or are you just still miserably pining for Wichita's lightning rod? +When did pretending to be bored become a sign of superiority? Are you mad at me for giving the cabin new haircuts or are you just still miserably pining for Wichita's lightning rod? Geez, what time is it? I have to go feed Big Chief Oberon...You're right, I miss him. Wichita, that is. I really want to be with him, but I can't bring myself to--Are you a lesbian or are you... +Geez, what time is it? I have to go feed Big Chief Oberon...You're right, I miss him. Wichita, that is. I really want to be with him, but I can't bring myself to--Are you a lesbian or are you... I didn't realize I had to declare a major. +I didn't realize I had to declare a major. Why do you even like me? +You remind me of me when I was...I guess I was never like you. So cute. So questioning. I'm not a nai-ive little... +I'm not a nai-ive little... Uh-huh. +You'll be hiding behind a tree. The oak where Jocelyn sprained her ankle. +The oak where Jocelyn sprained her ankle. Exactly. When we get into the clearing, I'll turn on my sexy moves. Wichita will go for it or he'll shoot me down. Either way, you come away with knowledge. +I'm sorry. It just...It seems silly. Like kissing a girl. Clever observation. Go back to Wichita. Oh that's right, you can't. +...sorry... This is not the way it was supposed to-- I was going to start writing a children's book using input from all-- I don't even like smoking! +One day they'll find a cure for AIDS. They'll never find one for sex. It's kind of funny, most movies and stories with a bunch of camp counselors has some serial psycho in the woods with a chainsaw who systematically butchers everybody one by one. Yeah. And? +Yeah. And? It's just funny...who needs a serial psycho in the woods with a chainsaw when we have ourselves. +You look a like you could use a friend. You know, I'll never forget my first day at camp. Boy, I was so nervous that I... Hey--whaddya say, we need another muskrat to join our Sunshine circle. Scurry up! Isn't Fun great! +Well, the first week of camp has swhooshed on by and I thought this a perfect time to finally pow-wow. I think we should discuss-- We need more ritalin. Can't we just grind it into the munchkins' food? +"Who wants to go tell the Anti-christ to take a ""time-out?""" Talia, just because you happen to be Jewish, doesn't mean you can make fun of someone desecrating the Lord's body... +Talia, just because you happen to be Jewish, doesn't mean you can make fun of someone desecrating the Lord's body... Yes, it does. +Man asswipe, you made my enormous cock fall off... I don't know about you dickweeds, but I gotta go take a nice, long juicy dump. +College was entertaining, Wichita, but after 40 days and 40 nights of this, I really think we're going to get to know each... Ooh look, time to confiscate my first water balloon... +...and it hurts too much to keep these feelings inside me any longer... Talia, you know how important our friendship is to me and I would never do anything to... +Talia, you know how important our friendship is to me and I would never do anything to... """...how important our friendship..."" Not that old--Oh God, what have I done?" +"""...how important our friendship..."" Not that old--Oh God, what have I done?" Talia, you're a wonderful person... +Talia, you're a wonderful person... Stop, stop, what was I thinking...out in the wilderness. Under the stars. I've ruined every-- +Stop, stop, what was I thinking...out in the wilderness. Under the stars. I've ruined every-- I just never thought of you in that... +I just never thought of you in that... "I gotta...I gotta go do a ""bunk check."" Or some fucking thing." +I have to get up. Still more to do. That boy hates Asian people. That girl thinks she gave her Mom cancer by dropping a plate on her hand. Her daddy touches her. His daddy never touches him. It would have been cooler if I'd died. "Wendy, I'll come back later. ] ] WENDY ] Why does every ten year old know ] what they want to be when they grow ] up, but then as you actually grow ] up, you forget every--The girls are ] big on ""Veterinarian"" this year-- ] I think it could be the ""ballerina"" ] of this century. ]" +Isn't this the time where one of us says something deeply offensive to the other one...We're just so different. So what? ] +So what? ] Yeah, why should we let our actual personalities get in the way of us falling in love? +Yes! God yes! I would tell her that I love her! To not let anyone take away her dreams..! "You should grab her and shake her ] and tell her it's a goddamn war out ] there. Idiots and assholes and ] sadists that must be defeated. Tell ] them her the truth! ] ] WENDY ] The truth is a lie! Yes, television ] is rotting our brains! Yes, people ] kill people easier than ever! Does ] that mean we give up! I think every ] child is capable of being talented, ] happy, and great. I'm probably wrong, ] but you know something, it's good ] to be wrong. ] ] WICHITA ] ] You might be right...Wendy, you're ] fantastic. I can't stop adoring ] you... ] ] What I thought was lust, was only ] love...You think I'm scared, scared ] of love...Love conquers all...Maybe ] I don't want to be conquered. ""Share ] my life""--I barely got enough for ] myself...But we were in the picture ] together...the picture.... ] ] WENDY ] What are you talking about? What ] picture... ] ] WICHITA Just forget--You didn't bring me out here to help me change. You brought me out here to punish me." +"You should grab her and shake her ] and tell her it's a goddamn war out ] there. Idiots and assholes and ] sadists that must be defeated. Tell ] them her the truth! ] ] WENDY ] The truth is a lie! Yes, television ] is rotting our brains! Yes, people ] kill people easier than ever! Does ] that mean we give up! I think every ] child is capable of being talented, ] happy, and great. I'm probably wrong, ] but you know something, it's good ] to be wrong. ] ] WICHITA ] ] You might be right...Wendy, you're ] fantastic. I can't stop adoring ] you... ] ] What I thought was lust, was only ] love...You think I'm scared, scared ] of love...Love conquers all...Maybe ] I don't want to be conquered. ""Share ] my life""--I barely got enough for ] myself...But we were in the picture ] together...the picture.... ] ] WENDY ] What are you talking about? What ] picture... ] ] WICHITA Just forget--You didn't bring me out here to help me change. You brought me out here to punish me." Nobody really changes at summer camp. They merely find out who they are and become it more than ever. You can't be helped, Wichita. I'm not sure you can be punished, either. But let's find out... +Nobody really changes at summer camp. They merely find out who they are and become it more than ever. You can't be helped, Wichita. I'm not sure you can be punished, either. But let's find out... How do you mean? ] +What in the hell did you do that for? I-unno...Don't worry, I had everything on the hand memorized. +I-unno...Don't worry, I had everything on the hand memorized. That's not what I was worried about. +Hey. Hey--that coffee? You're a goddess. Gimme, gimme...So what you gals talk about? +Oh you know, Bosnia, the importance of the right to vote... Yeah, we talked about sex, too. Oberon must be sweating in his sleep. +Yeah, we talked about sex, too. Oberon must be sweating in his sleep. We had fun. I even got along with Talia-- for about three minutes. I don't know why she hates me so much... +We had fun. I even got along with Talia-- for about three minutes. I don't know why she hates me so much... Yes you do. +Yes you do. Yeah. I guess I do. +Yeah. I guess I do. Talia's a rock. She'll be fine... +Ann Taylor would have paid a lot more, but I wouldn't trade this experience for the world. Sometimes the first time you understand anything is when you have to explain it to someone younger-- You think I'm a big dork don't you? I think your passion is terrific. +I think your passion is terrific. I think your condescension is even better. +We have more in common than you think, Wendy dear. I loved summer camp when I was young and I love it now. It's important. Between school, family, friends, pot, playstations, basic cable, and the goddamn Internet, it's possible to go your whole life without listening to your soul. Out here, in nature, away from the shit, surrounded by reminders of who I once was...I get recharged. Now who's the dork? Gosh, this is really a great conversation--I can't believe I said that out loud. +Gosh, this is really a great conversation--I can't believe I said that out loud. You know, this reminds me of the time we were talking about something and then just started kissing... +Do you really not believe in God? It's okay, there's a lot of things I don't believe in... +What else don't you believe in? Talking while kissing. +So this is it, anybody you don't agree about everything with can't be your friend... Iunno. +Iunno. """Iunno."" I'm really beginning to hate that word of yours. I'm sorry for sounding hostile, but I'm not sorry for..." +"""Iunno."" I'm really beginning to hate that word of yours. I'm sorry for sounding hostile, but I'm not sorry for..." Don't be. Don't be sorry for your thoughts. They make me...react. I don't know...all I know is that I can't go through another summer where I almost did something. +When were you in Niagara Falls? About ten years a--why...Don't look at these...Come on...Stop. +Todd was out there blocking the ] entrance. You would have been proud ] of me...My suit of armor is starting to come off. Not all of it, but enough to walk around... And you'll be happy to know I'm going to drop my Snow White and the Seventy Dwarves act...Not all of it, but... +And you'll be happy to know I'm going to drop my Snow White and the Seventy Dwarves act...Not all of it, but... I was thinking...if we could mesh my way of thinking with your way ] of thinking, we could really do some ] great counseling. It's all about ] the evolution of the species, we ] can improve... ] +I was thinking...if we could mesh my way of thinking with your way ] of thinking, we could really do some ] great counseling. It's all about ] the evolution of the species, we ] can improve... ] "I love you. Don't say I love you, too. I hate that--""love you, too.""" +"I love you. Don't say I love you, too. I hate that--""love you, too.""" I know what you mean. But it doesn't put me in too great a position... +I know what you mean. But it doesn't put me in too great a position... Don't worry, you... +Fuck off. I should leave. You probably need your rest. +I should leave. You probably need your rest. Probably. +Are you allowed to do it more than once a night? It's been known to happen. +Excuse me, Counselor Wendy, I need assistance in finding that important...thingie in the storage room. Oh my gosh, why didn't you say something earlier... +Do you really think we're fooling anyone? Do you really think I care? +She got a little poison oak and started screaming for assisted suicide. Be nice. Her father died in that TWA flight the government shot down...You know I'm going to be in the city next week. My mom says it's okay that I stay overnight at your dorm...It'll be nice to see you in ] a different shirt. ] ] WICHITA ] Oh, I didn't tell you. I wear this ] all year round. The chicks dig it... ] +Excuse me, Wichita, I can't seem to reach the top shelf in the storage room. Could you... Not now, Wendy. +Not now, Wendy. "This isn't about ""doing it."" I just think we need to talk some things out privately before..." +Ah, our last night at camp...I always knew it would be something special. What do you want me to say? +What do you want me to say? Something more interesting than that...How could you? How could--! +Something more interesting than that...How could you? How could--! "Stop! Stop it, this afternoon was not what you thought...I overheard you and Pixel, at the side of the mess hall, your idea about the ""test""...Do you believe me?" +"Stop! Stop it, this afternoon was not what you thought...I overheard you and Pixel, at the side of the mess hall, your idea about the ""test""...Do you believe me?" "Iunno. Of course I believe you. It's so you...I didn't think it was possible ] for you to make me feel worse, ] but...you're saying you deliberately ] destroyed us! I don't even get I'm- ] sorry-it-was-the-heat-of-the- ] moment... ] ] WICHITA ] I know, I'm...I'm evil. ] ] WENDY ] Oh that's right, baby, you're so ] ""evil."" You're, you're so ""dark""... ] ] WICHITA ] We should get back. ] ] WENDY ] You're not evil or dark...you're ] just scared. ]" +"Iunno. Of course I believe you. It's so you...I didn't think it was possible ] for you to make me feel worse, ] but...you're saying you deliberately ] destroyed us! I don't even get I'm- ] sorry-it-was-the-heat-of-the- ] moment... ] ] WICHITA ] I know, I'm...I'm evil. ] ] WENDY ] Oh that's right, baby, you're so ] ""evil."" You're, you're so ""dark""... ] ] WICHITA ] We should get back. ] ] WENDY ] You're not evil or dark...you're ] just scared. ]" Shut the fuck--! +"Next to ""boring,"" ""Sucks"" is the most painfully overused word in the current English language. I thought if I could reverse the meaning of ""sucks"" so it means something positive, I don't know...It would be vaguely revolutionary. It's kind of my social experiment for the summer. ""Suck"" is historically a nice word-- sno-cones, your mother's..." ] So that's one of the pearls from ] your mysterious journal? And all this ] time I thought you were restructuring ] the world's economy. ] +God, you're beautiful. Thank you, my love. ] +I'm still on anti-biotics, I really ] shouldn't be caffeining...Gosh, I've had a lot of daydreams about losing my virginity. Never one like this. For one, I wasn't a mutant. Secondly, I...What are you thinking? I'm just thinking I'm glad I broke up with everyone I ever went out with. The swelling is gonna go down, right? +Have you ever thought of instead ] of making children more equipped ] for reality, we should make reality ] more equipped for children? ] No. Fuck no. If you met yourself as a child, would you hug her and say everything's going to be okay... +"Two billion years of evolution and ] you're what we've come up with-- ] ""Wichita""--the hot, cool, tell-it- ] like-it-is counselor with a dark ] side. ]" What are you doing, Wendy? What's in that cup? +What are you doing, Wendy? What's in that cup? """Wichita""--The guy every boy wants ] to be and every girl wants to hold. ] You're the love of my life and the ] end of the world. Cheers. ]" +Sorry Veronica. Betty Finn. Gosh..... +I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to your birthday party last month. That's okay. Your Mom said you had a big date. Heck, I'd probably skip my own birthday party for a date. +Don't say that. Oh Ronnie, you have to look at what I dug up the other day. +I don't believe it. I'm winning. Don't get cocky, girl. +I missed you. I know I'm not as, as exciting as your other friends. That's bullshit. Just shoot. +Ronnie, I'm still a virgin. Shoot. +Betty, your daydreams are a lot better than my realities, believe me. I'm afraid though it's time to get your butt kicked. Ronnie! +Hey, you're not settling for the two shots are you? Knock me out girl. It's the only way. It's not my style, okay? +It's not my style, okay? Nice guys finish last. I should know. +So, are you a cheerleader? No, not at all. BRAD You're pretty enough to be one. +No, not at all. BRAD You're pretty enough to be one. Gee, thanks. +Gee, thanks. "It's so great to be able to talk to a girl and not have to ask ""What's your major?"" I hate that." +Ever since Phil Collins did that MTV anti-drug commercial I refuse everything. Phil Collins? Are you sure he isn't drinking and driving? +Phil Collins? Are you sure he isn't drinking and driving? Jeez, right, then why don't I do drugs? +Jeez, right, then why don't I do drugs? Hey, don't run away now. +How's my little cheerleader? Now I know everyone at your high school isn't so uptight, come on. Hey really, I don't feel so great. +Hey really, I don't feel so great. Let's do it on the coats. It'll be excellent. +I have a little prepared speech I give when my suitor wants more than I'd like to give him.... Gee Blank, I had a nice.... Save the speeches for Malcom X. I just wanna get laid. +Save the speeches for Malcom X. I just wanna get laid. You don't deserve my fucking speech! +If I got that money, I'd give it all to the poor. Every cent. You're beautiful. +Oh, I have to hear this. In my heart, Heather's still alive. +In my heart, Heather's still alive. What are you talking about? She hated you! You hated her! What are you smiling at? +I don't know. This thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Like last night, Veronica? +I'm sorry? I don't get it. You did last night. +Take a break Veronica, sit down. All right. +So what was the first week of Spring Vacation withdrawl like? I don't know, it was okay, I guess. +Goddamn. Will somebody please tell me why I read this spy crap. Because you're an idiot. +Because you're an idiot. Oh yeah, that's it. +All right. So what was the first day after Heather's suicide like? +So what was the first day after Heather's suicide like? I don't know, it was okay, I guess. +Goddamn. Will somebody please tell me why I smoke these damn things? Because you're an idiot. +Because you're an idiot. Oh yeah, that's it. +Hey Veronica, how'd that Teenage Prevention T.V. Suicide thing go? Color me educated. I learned high school happiness is for members only, Pauline Fleming wouldn't know reality if it lived in her uterus, and reality's name's Heather James. Also, J.D.'s a major creep. +Let me get it clear, Veronica. You want yourself a sweet homeboy for this T.V. show so you can show everybody what a loose, Martin Luther Cosby-lovng place Westerburg is. Something like that. Will you do it? +Something like that. Will you do it? Damn, you're a shrewd one. Shrewd. +Damn, you're a shrewd one. Shrewd. I just want to show different kinds of people can get together and it doesn't have to be Vietnam. You don't get treated badly here do you? +I just want to show different kinds of people can get together and it doesn't have to be Vietnam. You don't get treated badly here do you? I don't get treated at all, but hey, don't worry about it. I'll do your thing. It'll give my Mom a smile. +Things are going to change, Earl. Uh-huh. +Veronica. Finally. Got a paper of Kurt Kelly's. I need you to forge a hot and horny but realistically low-key note in Kurt's handwriting and we'll slip it into Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray. Shit, Heather. I don't have anything against Martha Dunnstock. +Shit, Heather. I don't have anything against Martha Dunnstock. You don't have anything for her either. Come on, it'll be Very. The note'll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks. +You don't have anything for her either. Come on, it'll be Very. The note'll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks. I'll think about it. +I'll think about it. Don't think. +Sawyer. Guess what today is? Ouch....the lunchtime poll. So what's the question? +Hey, this question wouldn't be that bizarro thing you were babbling about over the phone last...... Shut up, it is. I told Dennis if he gave me another topic that was political, I'd spew burrito chunks. +I was talking with someone! Color me impressed. I thought you grew out of Betty Finn. +If you're going to openly be a bitch.... I'm sorry, it's just why can't we talk to different kinds of people? +I'm sorry, it's just why can't we talk to different kinds of people? Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa? If I did, I probably wouldn't mind talking to the Geek Squad. +Doesn't it bother you that everyone in the school thinks you're a pirahna? Like I give a shit. They all want me, as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped at Westerburg and I'm only a Junior. +Like I give a shit. They all want me, as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped at Westerburg and I'm only a Junior. Pretend you're a missionary saving a colony of cootie victims. +Pretend you're a missionary saving a colony of cootie victims. Whatever. I don't believe this. We're going to a party at Remington University tonight and we're brushing up our conversation skills with the scum of the school. +Just imagine somebody like your quasi-fat, goody-good friend Betty Finn doing a Crest commercial. No one would buy Crest. Don't tell me. Crest would be stained with loserness. +Don't tell me. Crest would be stained with loserness. Yeah, and who wants that on their teeth? +You wanted to become a member of the most powerful clique in the school. If I wasn't already the head of it, I'd want the same thing. I'm sorry? What are you oozing about? +I'm sorry? What are you oozing about? That episode with the note back there was for all of us to enjoy, but you're determined to ruin my day. +That episode with the note back there was for all of us to enjoy, but you're determined to ruin my day. We made a girl want to consider suicide. What a scream. What a jest. +We made a girl want to consider suicide. What a scream. What a jest. Come on you jerk. You know you used to have a sense of humor. +Come on Heather. We want another look at today's lunch. Geez, don't listen to them. +J.D.? You seem pretty amused. I thought you were giving up on high school guys. Never say never. +Crap. So who's this Brad guy I've been set up with? Witty and urbane pre-lawyer or albino accountant? Don't worry. David says he's very so he's very. +What's your damage? Brad says you're being a real cooze. Heather, I feel awful, like I'm going to throw up. Can we jam, please? +Heather, I feel awful, like I'm going to throw up. Can we jam, please? No. Hell no. +You stupid cunt! You goddamn bitch! +You were nothing before you met me! You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn! You were a Brownie, you were a Bluebird, you were a Girl Scout Cookie! I got you into a Remington Party! What's my thanks? It's on the hallway carpet. I get paid in puke! Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up. +Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up. Monday morning, you're history. I'll tell everyone about tonight. Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerburg's going to let you play their reindeer games. +Veronica. And Jesse James. Quelle surprise. Hear about Veronica's affection for regurgitation? We both said a lot of things we didn't mean, last night. +We both said a lot of things we didn't mean, last night. Did we? How the hell'd you get in here? +Is this turnout weak or what? I had at least seventy more people at my funeral. Heather? Wha... +Heather? Wha... "Oh God Veronica, my afterlife is s-o-o boring. If I have to sing ""Kumbaya"" one more time..." +"Oh God Veronica, my afterlife is s-o-o boring. If I have to sing ""Kumbaya"" one more time..." What are you doing here?! +What are you doing here?! I made your favorite. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano. +Ku-urt, let's pa-arty. Ku-urt, I ne-ed an orgasm. +Grow up, Heather. Bulimia's so '86. Color me nauseous. +God, they won't expell him. They'll just suspend him for a week or something. He used a real gun. They should throw his ass in jail. +Anyway, I can say never to high school. I've got David. King David. +King David. "Maybe when you hit maturity you'll understand the diff between a Remington University man like David and a Westerburg boy like Ram ""Wham-bam- thank-you-maam"" Sweeney." +So tonight's the night. Are you two excited? I'm giving Veronica her shot. Her first Remington Party. Blow it tonight girl and it's keggers with kids all next year. +Where did you get these? Oh, I just had the nicest chat with Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously! It's scary how everyone's got a story to tell....Would you care to see the canoeing shots? +Oh, I just had the nicest chat with Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously! It's scary how everyone's got a story to tell....Would you care to see the canoeing shots? What do you want from me? +What do you want from me? Strength. Westerburg doesn't need mushy togetherness, it needs a leader. Heather Chandler was that leader but... +Strength. Westerburg doesn't need mushy togetherness, it needs a leader. Heather Chandler was that leader but... But she couldn't handle it. +I think you can. In Catcher in the Rye Holden says his ideal job'd be making sure some kids don't fall off a cliff. He doesn't realize if you pay too much attention to the kids, you'll back off the cliff yourself. Very very. The photographs? +Very very. The photographs? Don't worry. I'll ask you to do me a favor. You'll get the negatives and everything back then. +TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT! Some teenybopper rag says Big Fun wants to play a Prom. It could be Westerburg's if we can get everyone's John Hancock. +Yeah, she really wants to talk to you. Okay, I'm going, I'm going. Jesus... +Maybe you should see a doctor. Yeah, maybe. +Yeah, you know Holden Caulfield in the Catcher in the Rye wouldn't put up with their bogus nonsense. Well, you better move Holden out of the way or he's going to get spewed. +Don't worry. We'll work something out. Yes. Yes. We'll work something out. I swear to God. Won't we J.D.?...J.D.? +Guess who? Heather. +Hi everyone, door was open. Veronica, you missed it! Pauline and Whitney James were up there doing there suicide rap when the cops come in and announce that Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She gave the ticket girl at the Colfax theatre a suicide note then bellyflopped in front of a car. Is she dead? +Is she dead? That's the punchline. She's still alive, in stable condition. Another case of a geek trying to imitate the popular people of the school and failing miserably. Is that pate? +I said I was sorry. You are out of control. Heather and Kurt were a shock, but Martha Dumptruck, get crucial! She dialed suicide hotlines in her diapers. +You are out of control. Heather and Kurt were a shock, but Martha Dumptruck, get crucial! She dialed suicide hotlines in her diapers. You're not funny. Ouch! +What. A. Martyr. Understand; Martha couldn't take the heat so she got out of the kitchen. Just think what a better place the world would be if every nimrod followed her cue. Just shut up and turn on the radio. Hot Probs is on. +Just shut up and turn on the radio. Hot Probs is on. Oh shit, yeah. +Veronica! Color me stoked, girl. I've gotten everyone to sign this petition even the one who think BigFun are tuneless Eurofags. People love me! My God, you haven't signed! People love you but I know you. Jennifer Forbes told me the petition she signed was to put a jacuzzi in the cafeteria. And Doug Hylton... +People love you but I know you. Jennifer Forbes told me the petition she signed was to put a jacuzzi in the cafeteria. And Doug Hylton... "So some people need different kinds of ""convincing"" than others.... Hey, just sign the petition!" +"So some people need different kinds of ""convincing"" than others.... Hey, just sign the petition!" Don't talk to me like that. +Don't talk to me like that. It was J.D.'s idea! He made out the signature sheet and everything. Now will you sign it? +It was J.D.'s idea! He made out the signature sheet and everything. Now will you sign it? No. +No. Jealous much? +Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why are you such a MegaBitch? Because I can be! The same fucking cheek, goddamnit! Why are you pulling my dick? Do you think, do you really think, if Betty Finn's fairy godmother made her Cool, she'd still act nice and hang with her dweebette friends? No way! Uh-Uh! +Veronica, you look like hell. Yeah, I just got back. +What are you doing? Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town. +What's your damage, Heather? You ruined my... God, I'm so sure. Don't blame me, blame Heather. She told me to haul your ass into the caf pronto. Back me up, Heather. +God, aren't they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa? Oh sure, Pilgrims, Indians, tater tots; it's a real party continent. +God Veronica, drool much? His name's Jason Dean. He's in my American History. Give me the clipboard. +No way, no day! Give it up girl! +Watch it, Heather. You could actually be digesting food. Yeah, where's your urge to purge? +That was seriously warped, Veronica. Uh-huh. +Veronica. What are you doing tonight? Mourning. Maybe watch some T.V. Why? +Mourning. Maybe watch some T.V. Why? Ram asked me out, but he wants to double with Kurt and Kurt doesn't have a date. +Ram asked me out, but he wants to double with Kurt and Kurt doesn't have a date. Heather, I've got something going with J.D. +Heather, I've got something going with J.D. Please Veronica. Put Billy the Kid on hold tonight, I'll never forget it. +Shit. So did you call people to tell them how to get to the studio tonight? +What were you trying to do? Sleep? Suicide is a private thing. +You're giving your life away to become a goddamn statistic in U.S. Fucking A Today. That's got to be the least private thing I can think of. But what about Heather and Ram and Kurt? +But what about Heather and Ram and Kurt? If everyone jumped off a bridge, young lady, would you? +Probably.... Hey now, if you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host. +Hey now, if you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host. Let's knock off early. Go to the mall. Something lame like that. +Let's knock off early. Go to the mall. Something lame like that. Sure. +There are no stupid questions. If you inherit five million dollars the same day aliens tell the earth they're blowing us up in two days, what would you do? +If you inherit five million dollars the same day aliens tell the earth they're blowing us up in two days, what would you do? That's the stupidest question I've ever heard. +Probably just row on out to the middle of a lake. Bring along my sax, some tequila, and some Bach. How very. +You going to pull a Big Gulp with that? No, but if you're nice I'll let you buy me a Slurpee. You know your 7-11speak pretty well. +No, but if you're nice I'll let you buy me a Slurpee. You know your 7-11speak pretty well. I've been moved around all my life; Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas, Sherwood Ohio, there's always a 7-11. Any town, any time, I can pop a Ham and Cheese in the microwave and feast on a Big Wheel. Keeps me sane. +I've been moved around all my life; Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas, Sherwood Ohio, there's always a 7-11. Any town, any time, I can pop a Ham and Cheese in the microwave and feast on a Big Wheel. Keeps me sane. Really? That thing in the caf today was pretty severe. +Really? That thing in the caf today was pretty severe. The extreme always makes an impression, but you're right, it was severe. Did you say a Cherry or Coke Slurpee? +The extreme always makes an impression, but you're right, it was severe. Did you say a Cherry or Coke Slurpee? I didn't. Cherry. +Just a humble perk from my Dad's Construction company or should I say Deconstruction company? I don't know. Should you? +I don't know. Should you? "My father seems to enjoy tearing things down more than putting things up. Seen the commerical? ""Bringing every State to a Higher State.""" +"My father seems to enjoy tearing things down more than putting things up. Seen the commerical? ""Bringing every State to a Higher State.""" Time out....Jason Dean. Your Pop's Fred Dean Construction. Must be rough. Moving place to place. +Time out....Jason Dean. Your Pop's Fred Dean Construction. Must be rough. Moving place to place. Everybody's life's got static. Is your life perfect? +Everybody's life's got static. Is your life perfect? Sure, I'm on my way to a party at Remington University. +It's not perfect. I don't really like my friends. I don't really like your friends either. +I don't really like your friends either. It's like they're just people I work with and our job is being popular and shit. +It's like they're just people I work with and our job is being popular and shit. Maybe it's time for a vacation. +Dreadful etiquette. I apologize. S'okay.... +S'okay.... I saw the croquet set-up in the back. Up for a match? +That was my first game of Strip Croquet, you know. I thank you. You're welcome. It's a lot more interesting than just flinging off your clothes and boning away on the neighbor's swing set. +Now blah-blah-blah is all I do. I use my grand I.Q. to figure out what gloss to wear and how to hit three keggers before curfew. Some genius. Heather Chandler is one bitch that deserves to die. +Heather Chandler is one bitch that deserves to die. Killing her won't solve anything. +Killing her won't solve anything. A well-timed lightning bolt through her window and Monday morning, all the other heathers, shit, everybody would be cast fucking adrift. +A well-timed lightning bolt through her window and Monday morning, all the other heathers, shit, everybody would be cast fucking adrift. Well then, I'll pray for rain. +Well then, I'll pray for rain. See the condoms in the grass over there. We killed tonight, Veronica. We murdered our baby. +See the condoms in the grass over there. We killed tonight, Veronica. We murdered our baby. Hey, it was good for me too, Sparky. +Hey, it was good for me too, Sparky. Just saying it's not hard to end a life. +Just saying it's not hard to end a life. There's a big difference between the most popular girl in the school and dead sperm. +I guess I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I know exactly what the hell you're talking about and you're right, you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Let's just grow up, be adults, and die. +I know exactly what the hell you're talking about and you're right, you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Let's just grow up, be adults, and die. Good plan. +Good plan. But before that, I'd like to see Heather Chandler puke her guts out. +Trust me. She skips the Saturday morning trip to Grandma's even when she's not hungover. Then let's just concoct ourselves a little hangover cure that'll induce her to spew red, white, and blue. +I'm a Pine-Sol man, myself. Don't be a dick. That stuff'll kill her. +O-kay. We'll cook up some soup and put it in a Coke. Sick, eh? Now should it be Chicken-Noodle or Bean-with-Bacon? Man Veronica, pull the plug on that shit. I say we go with Big Blue. +What are you doing? You just can't go.....Besides, she'd never drink anything that looks like that. Okay we'll use this. She won't be able to tell what she's drinking. +Milk and orange juice. Hmmmm. Maybe we could cough a phlegm globber in it or something. Yeah, great. +No luck? Well, milk and orange juice'll do quite nicely. Quite nicely. Chick-en. +Chick-en. You're not funny. +Something tells me you picked up the wrong cup. No shit, sherlock. I can't believe it. I just killed my best friend. +No shit, sherlock. I can't believe it. I just killed my best friend. And your worst enemy. +And your worst enemy. Same difference. Oh jesus, I'm gonna... +"What are we going to tell the cops? ""Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge.""" Stop kidding around. I'm going to have to send my S.A.T. scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford. +Stop kidding around. I'm going to have to send my S.A.T. scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford. I'm just a little freaked, all right? You got what you wanted, you know. +I'm just a little freaked, all right? You got what you wanted, you know. It's one thing to want somebody out of your life. It's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup of Drano. +We did a murder. In Ohio, that's a crime. But if this was like a suicide thing..... Like a suicide thing? +Like a suicide thing? Adolescence is a period of life fraught with anxiety and confusion. +Adolescence is a period of life fraught with anxiety and confusion. I can do Heather's handwriting as well as my own. +"""You might think what I've done is shocking...""" """To me though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me.""" +"""To me though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me.""" "That's good, but Heather would never use the word ""myriad.""" +"That's good, but Heather would never use the word ""myriad.""" This is the last thing she'll ever write. She'll want to cash in on as many fifty-cent words as poss. +This is the last thing she'll ever write. She'll want to cash in on as many fifty-cent words as poss. "She missed ""myriad"" on a vocab test two weeks ago, all right?" +"She missed ""myriad"" on a vocab test two weeks ago, all right?" That only proves my point more. The word is a badge for her failures at school. +That only proves my point more. The word is a badge for her failures at school. "You're probably right...""People think just because you're beautiful and popular, life is easy and fun. Nobody understood I had feelings too.""" +"You're probably right...""People think just because you're beautiful and popular, life is easy and fun. Nobody understood I had feelings too.""" """I die knowing no one knew the real me.""" +"""I die knowing no one knew the real me.""" That's good. Have you done this before? +Mute! Next channel, darling. +Heather Chandler is more popular than ever now. Yeah. Scary stuff. +Jason, why don't you ask your little friend to stay for dinner. My Mom's making my favorite meal tonight. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano. +My Mom's making my favorite meal tonight. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano. Nice. The last time I saw my Mom, she was waving out the window of a library in Texas. Right, Dad? +What is this shit? I'm doing a favor for Heather. A double date. I tried to tell you at the funeral but you rode off. +So what? Don't smile like that, Jesus! Our love is God. Let's get a Slurpee. +I don't get the point of me writing a suicide note when we'll just be shooting them with blanks. Get crucial. We won't be using blanks this time. +Get crucial. We won't be using blanks this time. You can't be serious? Hey listen, my Bonnie-and-Clyde days are over. +Do you take German? French. +These are Ich Luge bullets. My grandfather snared a shitload of them in W.W. Two. They're like tranquilizers only they break the surface of the skin, enough to cause blood, but not any real harm. So it looks like the person's been shot and killed when they're really just unconscious and bleeding. +First tell me this similarity is not incredible. Incredible similarity. +Ram and I died the day we realized we could never reveal our forbidden love to an uncaring and ununderstanding world. The joy we shared in each other's arms was greater than any touchdown. Yet we were forced to live the lie of Sexist- Beer Guzzling-Jock-Asshole. Exquisite, but I don't think ununderstanding is a word. +Exquisite, but I don't think ununderstanding is a word. We don't want to make them out to be too secretly eloquent. Why would the Germans invent a bullet that doesn't kill people? I mean it was World War Two, not a school play. +We don't want to make them out to be too secretly eloquent. Why would the Germans invent a bullet that doesn't kill people? I mean it was World War Two, not a school play. They used them on themselves to make it look like they were dead. Really quite a brilliant device, but too flamboyant to seriously produce. +They used them on themselves to make it look like they were dead. Really quite a brilliant device, but too flamboyant to seriously produce. Neat. Let's try it out on J.F.K. +It doesn't work on small animals! Oh. +Oh. Uh well hey, let's take a look at the homosexual artifacts I dug up. Now, prepare to be a little disappointed. +We've got a Playgirl, a candy dish, a Joan Crawford post card, and lipstick. You must have had fun. +You must have had fun. You know it. Oh man, I almost forgot. The one perfecto thing I picked up... +Perrier water! Oh come on. Lots of people drink Perrier. It's come a long way. +Oh come on. Lots of people drink Perrier. It's come a long way. This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewsky in your hand after dark you might as well be wearing a dress. +This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewsky in your hand after dark you might as well be wearing a dress. Oh, you're so smart. How about a little heterosexuality before we go? +Did you miss him completely? Yeah, but don't worry, it was worth it just to see the look on.... +Yeah, but don't worry, it was worth it just to see the look on.... Don't move! I'll get him back! +Kurt doesn't look too good. Remember he's left-handed. +We killed them, didn't we? Of course. +You believed it because you wanted to believe it. Your true feelings were too gross and icky for you to face. I did not want them dead. +I did not want them dead. Did to. +Did to. Did not. +Did not. Did to. +Did to. Did not. +Football season's over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing to offer the school but date-rapes and A.I.D.S. jokes. Sure. Can we make an ice run before the funeral? +Your son's dead and you love him. How do you think Mr. Kelly would react to a son with a limp wrist with a pulse? +Can't you see this is a special moment? I was just making it more special. +You shoulda stuck around, jerk. Ms. Fleming wants to redefine the high school experience. She wants to ignore the high school experience. Our way's better. We scare people into not being assholes. +She wants to ignore the high school experience. Our way's better. We scare people into not being assholes. Don't even talk about that stuff! +You can be so immature! You kids are making too much damn noise. +Let's just...settle down. Ms. Fleming has given us a chance to atone for... Our sins? What sins? If you put a Nazi in a concentration camp, does that make you a Nazi? +Our sins? What sins? If you put a Nazi in a concentration camp, does that make you a Nazi? Maybe. +We're breaking up. I am out! Wha-at? Come on, there's another T.V. in the kitchen. You know you used to have a sense of humor. +You're getting too cool for me, J.D. I don't know how to talk to you. Our relationship's moving fast, I know, but I have real, real respect for you. +I'm going to make this Ms. Pauline thing work. Lines of communication between the cliques. You were a phase.... Phase my ass! You'll be back! I'm storming Normandy beaches and you're running in place with Pauline Fonda's airhead peacenik exercise program. Have to stay tough! You'll be back. +Catch a movie? Miniature Golf? I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open and making it look like a suicide. +I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open and making it look like a suicide. I could be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in Heather's copy of Catcher in the Rye, if you know what I mean. So are we on? +It's over, J.D. Over! I don't get it! You were wrong! I was right! Strength, damnit! Come back! +Get off my bed, you sick psycho! You think you're a rebel! You're not a rebel! You're a sick psycho! Do you think you're a rebel? Do you think you're a rebel? I wanna know! """You say tomayto, I say tomahto. Let's call the whole thing off...Hold it!" +Look at that. Eskimo. One word. I love it. I usually go for whole sentences myself, but hey this is perfecto. Eskimo. So mysterious... Wait a....You're not listening! I'm not on your side.... +You're still not listening! I'm not.. Nag, nag, nag, nag. nag. +Nag, nag, nag, nag. nag. This knife is filthy. +This knife is filthy. What in the hell do you think I'm doing? Taking out her tonsils? +What in the hell do you think I'm doing? Taking out her tonsils? I think I know Heather a bit better than you, okay? If she was going to slash her wrists, the knife would be absolutely spotless. +Tomorrow someone else will move into her place. That person could be me. Ha, there's only one of us who knows Heather's handwriting and if you think I'm doing another suicide note. You don't get it, do you? Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself. We don't need gloves and does anyone really care about exact handwriting? +If you'll excuse me...... No-o! +I knew that loose was too noose! I mean, noose too loose! Goddamn you! Like father, like son. A serious-as- fuck bomb in the boiler room that'll set off a pack of thermals upstairs. Okay, so let's start by slowly putting the bomb down on the ground. +Okay, okay. I knew that. I knew that. Put your hands on your head. You didn't say Simon Says. +It's all over, J.D. Help me to stop it. You want to wipe the slate clean as much as I do. Okay, so maybe I am killing everyone in the school because nobody loves me. You have a purpose though! Remember? Let's face it, the only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven. +How do you turn the fucker off? You're not listening. People are going to look at the ashes of Westerburg and say there's a school that self-destructed not because society didn't care, but because that school was society. Is that deep or what? I'll let you put it in your diary, babe. Free of charge. +You're not listening. People are going to look at the ashes of Westerburg and say there's a school that self-destructed not because society didn't care, but because that school was society. Is that deep or what? I'll let you put it in your diary, babe. Free of charge. The bomb, asshole! +The bomb, asshole! Just push the red button twice. That's what stops it. If that's what you want, babe? +Just push the red button twice. That's what stops it. If that's what you want, babe? You know what I want, babe? +You know what I want, babe? What? +You really fucked me up, Veronica. I thought I...you.. +I thought I...you.. You've got power, Veronica. Power I didn't think you had. The slate is clean. +Who does that new kid think he is with that coat? Bo Diddley? Veronica is into his act. No doubt. +Veronica is into his act. No doubt. Let's kick his ass. +Let's kick his ass. Shit, we're seniors, Ram. Too old for that crap. Let's give him a scare though. +You going to eat this? What did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio? +What did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio? Answer him dick! +Answer him dick! Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a No Fags Allowed Rule? +We on tonight man? I still got to talk to Heather, dude. Weird funeral, huh? +I still got to talk to Heather, dude. Weird funeral, huh? Pretty weird. +That pudwapper just stepped on my foot. Let's kick his ass. +Let's kick his ass. Cool off, we're seniors. +Cool off, we're seniors. Goddamn Geek! +Is it sleeping, dude? I think so, man. +I think so, man. Then get over on my side. Oh shit, cowtipping is the fucking greatest. +Then get over on my side. Oh shit, cowtipping is the fucking greatest. Punch it in! +Sex and Drugs and HBO is all I ever need! Whoa! Can you hear me! Hello Tokyo! I said Sex and Drugs and... Shut the fuck up, all right. +Shut the fuck up, all right. Lighten up, dude. In those woods is some of the finest pussy in the school and we don't even have to buy it a hamburger and a Diet Coke. Punch it in! +Hey kid, isn't the prom coming up? I guess. +I guess. Any contestants worth mentioning? +Any contestants worth mentioning? Maybe. There's kind of a dark horse now in the running. +You two.... Great pate, but I'm going to have to motor if I want to be ready for the party tonight. +Terrible thing. So will we get to meet this dark horse prom contender? Maybe. +You two.... Greate pate, but I'm going to have to motor if I want to be ready for the funeral tomorrow. +How was the funeral? Superb. +Turn that back on! This condescending junk makes suicide seem like a cool thing to do. Hey kids, make your parents and teachers feel like shit! Get the respect in death you'll never get in life. +Everybody cares for youth but nobody cares about Joey Blow. When that news reporter gets home he'll scream at his son for not mowing the lawn in the right pattern. I'm lost. You don't get enough attention, you get too much attention. Which is it? Where are your shoes? +I'm lost. You don't get enough attention, you get too much attention. Which is it? Where are your shoes? All we want is to be treated like human beings, not like guinea pigs to be experimented on and not like bunny rabbits to be patronized. +Dear Veronica, Heather was your soulmate.....Share. Heather was cool, but cruel. The good looks and bad manners gave her power, but it could not give her happiness. +Everyone take their places on the stage! Isn't this thrilling?! But Ms. Fleming, it's just not right. +But Ms. Fleming, it's just not right. What, the wine? I realize you're all under 21, but it seemed like such a perfect touch. Could we get some more light up here? +Veronica! J.D. told me you committed suicide last night! Where is he? Where's J.D.? +Where is he? Where's J.D.? We have to talk. Whether to kill yourself is one of the most important decisions a teenager has to make. +We have to talk. Whether to kill yourself is one of the most important decisions a teenager has to make. Get a job. +"Heather Chandler, Kurt Kelly, and Rupert ""Ram"" Sweeney all had good looks and popularity, but there's one thing they didn't have: Values, Ambition, and Hope." That's three things. +That's three things. It rained everyday of my Maui vacation, but hey, I didn't kill myself. I'm Whitney James, Commentary. +I got a confession to make. My name used to be Heather, too. But my name's not... +But my name's not... People just don't take the name Heather seriously. They should, shouldn't they? +I'm so sorry. I was led to believe there were going to be different kinds of social and psychological types at this gathering. Oh, I was scared of the same thing, Heather. The minute you try to deal with the actual teenagers who have contemplated suicide you're stepping into quicksand. Quicksand filled with bad complexions, bad grades, bad parents, bad drugs, and all sorts of doody nobody wants to hear let alone bend down to clean up. +The world wants winners, I guess. Not people stained with loserness. Stained with loserness. Oh, I like it. Can I use that. It'd be dynamite on interoffice memoranda. +Stained with loserness. Oh, I like it. Can I use that. It'd be dynamite on interoffice memoranda. It's all yours, Heather. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go throw up. +It's all yours, Heather. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go throw up. Sure. Ciao. +"Mummy has a special technique called ""Deep Therapy.""" What's that? +What's that? I'm not sure . . . but it's proving to be very popular! +I adore anything to do with the arts. We're pretty handy with model making, too, eh? +I've never cottoned on to Plasticine like you girls, but I enjoy making things out of wood. Are you a carpenter, Mr. Rieper? HERBERT shakes his head. +Are you a carpenter, Mr. Rieper? HERBERT shakes his head. I work at Dennis Brothers Fish Supply. +This story of yours-maybe the school newspaper will print it when it's finished. Actually, Mr. Rieper . . . it's a novel, and we'll be sending it to New York. That's where all the big publishing houses are based. +Actually, Mr. Rieper . . . it's a novel, and we'll be sending it to New York. That's where all the big publishing houses are based. Is that a fact! You'd better put me name down for an advance copy! +Let's have 'em now, while they're fresh, eh, Nora? playfully shoves his hand away. +playfully shoves his hand away. I'll think you'll find our Mr. Bayliss is not keen on seafood. I've got lamb chops in the 'frigerator. +I'll think you'll find our Mr. Bayliss is not keen on seafood. I've got lamb chops in the 'frigerator. sighs as HONORA puts the frying pan on the stove. +Come on! Sausage rolls. Come on through. +Come on through. and Pauline hurriedly work together, setting out plates and cutlery. +and Pauline hurriedly work together, setting out plates and cutlery. Look who I've found! +Look who I've found! whips off her pinny as HERBERT leads Juliet into the dining room. +I've booked you in for a chest X-ray . . . just to be on the safe side. pops a couple more potatoes on Pauline's plate. HERBERT glances at Pauline. +pops a couple more potatoes on Pauline's plate. HERBERT glances at Pauline. Thought I'd have a go at building the birdhouse on Saturday . . . anyone want to give me a hand? +Yvonne hasn't been herself, either. Locking herself away in her room . . . endlessly writing. sits down next to Honora, glass of sherry in hand. +No arguments there, Dr. Hulme! All that time inside working on those novels of theirs. They don't get fresh air or exercise! frowns at Henry. +waves a pair of new socks around. The family laughing and talking. Pauline is not participating. She is leaning back, looking morose. HONORA looks at her with concern. Is it hurting, dear? +is chopping firewood in the back garden. HONORA approaches him. I've just had Hilda Hulme on the phone. +I've just had Hilda Hulme on the phone. What now? +What now? She says Juliet's in a terrible state . . . +accompanies Hilda into the hallway. breaks down into heavy sobs. +I'd better be getting back. Bye, love. pulls his coat on. HONORA gives him a peck cheek. +pulls his coat on. HONORA gives him a peck cheek. Bye. +Bye. Have a nice outing, you lot. +wanders out. HONORA turns to Pauline and Juliet. Well . . . I better make myself a bit more presentable. +Hello! Well? Tell us! How'd it go? +Got an A, Mum! glows with pride. STEVE is emptying his pockets on the bench. HONORA pats STEVE's hand. +He's the manager! leads a young man-JOHN-into the dining room. +I spent a wretched night. It would be wonderful if I could get tuberculosis, too. comes in with a breakfast tray: bacon and eggs, tea and toast. +comes in with a breakfast tray: bacon and eggs, tea and toast. Come on, sit up. +Come on, sit up. I'm not hungry. +I'm not hungry. You've got to eat, Yvonne. You hardly touched our dinner. I'm not having you falling ill. +You've got to eat, Yvonne. You hardly touched our dinner. I'm not having you falling ill. I just want to be on my own for a while. +I just want to be on my own for a while. starts to cut up a slice of bacon and offers it to Pauline. +starts to cut up a slice of bacon and offers it to Pauline. You may have forgotten that you were once a very sick little girl, but I haven't! +You may have forgotten that you were once a very sick little girl, but I haven't! holds up a loaded fork. Pauline reluctantly takes it. +holds up a loaded fork. Pauline reluctantly takes it. Do you think Juliet could stay here while her parents are away? +Do you think Juliet could stay here while her parents are away? Juliet's infectious . . . she'll be going to hospital. +Juliet's infectious . . . she'll be going to hospital. But she'll have no one to look after her! +But she'll have no one to look after her! Her parents won't be going overseas now . . . they'll have to cancel their trip. Don't worry about Juliet. +I had a nasty foreboding feeling at first, but now I realise my crime was too frightful for an ordinary lecture. From now on, you're sleeping in the house, where we can keep an eye on you. +If you think for one minute that your father and I will tolerate this sort of behaviour, you've got another thing coming! You're only 14!!! You're a child! What on earth's the matter with you, Yvonne? You know what can happen with boys . . . Don't you have any self-respect? sighs. +sighs. Can I go now? +Can I go now? grabs Pauline by the shoulders. +My God, what a disgrace you are! You shame me, you shame the family. You're nothing but a cheap little tart! Well, I guess I take after you then! +Well, I guess I take after you then! whirls around and slaps Pauline on the cheek. +whirls around and slaps Pauline on the cheek. You ran off with Dad when you were only 17! Nana Parker told me! +You ran off with Dad when you were only 17! Nana Parker told me! steps back. +My name is Gina! It's a letter from the school . . . from Miss Stewart. +It's a letter from the school . . . from Miss Stewart. What does old Stew want? +What does old Stew want? She says the standard of your work is slipping. At this rate she doesn't think you'll get School Certificate. +She says the standard of your work is slipping. At this rate she doesn't think you'll get School Certificate. Who cares! +Who cares! I care . . . your father cares . . . we want you to have a good education. +I care . . . your father cares . . . we want you to have a good education. I'm educating myself! +I'm educating myself! You're failing English . . . you used to be top of the class- PAULINE I'm doing my own writing! +You're failing English . . . you used to be top of the class- PAULINE I'm doing my own writing! snatches up an exercise book from a large pile. +snatches up an exercise book from a large pile. These stories are not going to get you School Certificate! You don't seriously think anyone's going to publish them? +These stories are not going to get you School Certificate! You don't seriously think anyone's going to publish them? What do you know? You wouldn't know the first thing about writing. You're the most ignorant person I've ever met! +What do you know? You wouldn't know the first thing about writing. You're the most ignorant person I've ever met! is very angry. +is very angry. You're rude . . . rude and insolent! I don't see why I should keep a horrid child like you at school a minute longer. +You're rude . . . rude and insolent! I don't see why I should keep a horrid child like you at school a minute longer. I don't wanna be in bloody school! +I don't wanna be in bloody school! All right! You go out there and get a job and you damn well pay your own way! +I'm bloody dressing as fast as I can, for God's sake! Open this door! +The Hulmes will look after me. They want me to live with them! Don't be so ridiculous. You're our daughter, you belong here with us. +Don't be so ridiculous. You're our daughter, you belong here with us. I belong with Deborah! We're going to South Africa! +I belong with Deborah! We're going to South Africa! You're not going anywhere. You're 15 years old!! +You're not going anywhere. You're 15 years old!! You have to let me go! +You have to let me go! stands and walks toward the door. +I felt thoroughly depressed and even quite seriously considered committing suicide. Life seems so much not worth the living, death such an easy way out. Love, you can still write to each other. +I bet he pitches a tent in the middle of their bedroom, and they have to pretend to be on some mountain! That's enough, Yvonne! +You have it. Oh, no. I'm watching my figure. +Look, Mother! looks down at the ground in front of her. +And so, in a blazing fury, Charles runs Lancelot Trelawney through with his sword . . . leaving Deborah free to accept Charles's proposal of marriage! and HERBERT exchange a glance. HONORA smiles at Juliet. +and HERBERT exchange a glance. HONORA smiles at Juliet. I've heard your mother on 3YA. The Woman's Session has lots of lively debate. +I've heard your mother on 3YA. The Woman's Session has lots of lively debate. Well, actually, Mummy's left that programme now . . she's far too busy with The Marriage Guidance Council. +I wouldn't want my private business being discussed with a complete stranger! Oh, no . . . Mummy's awfully good at it. +I'm so happy to see you! hurries over. +hurries over. It's best not to get too close. Juliet's still not a hundred percent. Hello, Juliet! We've bought you some fruit. +It's best not to get too close. Juliet's still not a hundred percent. Hello, Juliet! We've bought you some fruit. Thank you so much! +That's coming along well! I'm the Matron's favourite patient and she's shown me her special stitch! +I'm saving them for a rainy day. gives her a sympathetic look. +gives her a sympathetic look. I know it's hard for you being in here, but it is for the good of your health. +I know it's hard for you being in here, but it is for the good of your health. "They sent me off to the Bahamas ""for the good of my health."" They sent me to the Bay of bloody Islands ""for the good of my health.""" +"They sent me off to the Bahamas ""for the good of my health."" They sent me to the Bay of bloody Islands ""for the good of my health.""" looks startled at the outburst. +looks startled at the outburst. I'm sorry, Mrs. Rieper. I'm feeling quite fatigued. +I'm sorry, Mrs. Rieper. I'm feeling quite fatigued. We don't want to tire you out, dear. +We don't want to tire you out, dear. stands and picks up her handbag. Pauline stands and Juliet grabs her hand. +stands and picks up her handbag. Pauline stands and Juliet grabs her hand. Can't you stay a bit longer, Paul? +Hello! Hello, Juliet. Juliet take off her jacket. +Hello, Juliet. Juliet take off her jacket. Oh-what a nice outfit! +Oh-what a nice outfit! Thank you. I bought it especially, Mrs. Rieper. +is bending down, pulling a tray of sausage rolls into the oven. Both girls look at HONORA silently. turns around and Juliet presents her with a brown paper bag. +turns around and Juliet presents her with a brown paper bag. Fruit. +Fruit. Oh! I'll pop them in a bowl. +But you're not fat, Mrs. Rieper! I put on a lot of weight over Christmas. +Mummy! Mummy! +She's terribly hurt . . . Somebody's got to help us! +0h, God . . . I'm so sorry! It doesn't matter. +It doesn't matter. Of course it matters! It's Mario! +I think I'm dying . . . Don't . . . please! Please, don't! +I wish James would do a religious picture . . . he'd be perfect as Jesus! Daddy says the Bible's a load of bunkum! +But, we're all going to Heaven! I'm not! I'm going to the Fourth World! It's like Heaven, only better because there aren't any Christians. +James will be there . . . and Mario! Only they'll be saints. Saint Mario! +To be known as He! He . . . +Him. Him . . . +This. This . . . +That. That . . . +He flings open the door and launches himself at the bed, ravishing her! God, yes! +What? It's so beautiful! +It's so beautiful! What??? +I shall call him Diello. You're such an incredible woman. +You're such an incredible woman. I couldn't have done it without you, Charles. +You'll never guess what's happened!! What?? +What?? John has fallen in love with me! +John has fallen in love with me! That idiot boarder? +How do you know? Did he tell you? Well . . . no. But it's so obvious. +I think I'm going crazy. No, you're not, Gina-it's everybody else who is bonkers! +No, you're not, Gina-it's everybody else who is bonkers! Let's go overseas . . . +Let's go overseas . . . You mean travel by ourselves? +Stay still or they'll be blurry . . . Hurry up! I'm freezing! +Hurry up! I'm freezing! Just a couple more . . . +Just a couple more . . . I know, I'll lean forward and show more cleavage! +I'm sure they'll notice things missing. They'll blame the bloody housekeeper. She nicks stuff all the times! +This lot's got to be worth 50 quid! I can try my father's safe. I'm sure I can get the keys to his office. +I can try my father's safe. I'm sure I can get the keys to his office. That's great! We'll have the fare in no time! +I thought he was supposed to be terribly ill. That was what we were led to believe . . . +Poor Mother was completely taken in. Do you think Bloody Bill's trying to get into her draws? +Do you think Bloody Bill's trying to get into her draws? Too right . . . but he doesn't have a show! Nobody gets into Mother's draws except Daddy! +Poor Father . . . Don't worry, Gina! Mummy and Daddy love each other. +But that's not true! I've got one. I need my sodding parents' consent. +I'm coming with you. Yes . . . +Yes . . . I know what to do about mother. +Mummy! Mummy! +Let's go upstairs, Deborah. I wrote the last 10 pages of my opera last night. All right, then. +It's a three-act story with a tragic end. Your mother is a rather miserable woman . . . isn't she? +Your mother is a rather miserable woman . . . isn't she? I thought for hours about whether Carmelita should accept Bernard's marriage proposal . . . +I thought for hours about whether Carmelita should accept Bernard's marriage proposal . . . I think she knows what's going to happen . . . she doesn't appear to bear us any grudge! +Bye, Dad. Goodbye, Mr. Rieper. +Isn't it beautiful! Let's go for a walk down here . . . come on, Mummy! +Are you a dream too? Still hallucinating as well. Hmm... +Still hallucinating as well. Hmm... What just happened to me anyway? It looked like a dream but it felt like reality. +What just happened to me anyway? It looked like a dream but it felt like reality. It's the morphine Trevor. You're on so much of it, you could be asleep and dreaming even with your eyes wide open. +Where's Kirsty? Where's my wife? Your wife...? +What's happening to me? What are you doing? You came in for your EEG. You fell asleep and well, I took the liberty of...I'm sorry. You looked like a wreck Trevor. +Well? What do you say Trevor? Que pasa? Let me see. Oh yeah. My head feels like it's going through a meat grinder. I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or... +Let me see. Oh yeah. My head feels like it's going through a meat grinder. I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or... That `poor me' attitude doesn't suit you Trevor. Listen, I don't mean to sound like Pollyanna but things could be worse. There's one good thing about coming so near to the end of ones life. Everything is new and exciting, like your seeing it for the first time. You might see things a litlle differently from now on. +That `poor me' attitude doesn't suit you Trevor. Listen, I don't mean to sound like Pollyanna but things could be worse. There's one good thing about coming so near to the end of ones life. Everything is new and exciting, like your seeing it for the first time. You might see things a litlle differently from now on. Your insight is enlightening. +Your insight is enlightening. No wisdom, no insight, no plan. +Allison? Why can't remember what happened to my wife? Is it something I'm on that's... that's making me forget? Easy there Trevor. You need to relax. +Easy there Trevor. You need to relax. No I need to remember. Look whatever it is take me off it. I can handle pain. I can't handle not knowing... +No I need to remember. Look whatever it is take me off it. I can handle pain. I can't handle not knowing... You need to get better first Trevor. Way better. It's okay to miss somebody. It's okay to still love someone after they're gone. But you've got to quit blaming yourself okay...? Okay? +These hallucinations I'm having. I think they're more like memories coming back to me in a strange way. Well that's not necessarily a bad thing is it? +Well that's not necessarily a bad thing is it? If they're blocked memories... I'm starting to realize the reason why I blocked them out. Allison I think I really... screwed everything up. +If they're blocked memories... I'm starting to realize the reason why I blocked them out. Allison I think I really... screwed everything up. Shh. Don't blame yourself Trevor. Please. +Shh. Don't blame yourself Trevor. Please. I miss her. I miss my wife. +Well Trevor? What have you got to say for yourself? Que pasa? Allison we have GOT to talk about this medication you've got me on. +Allison we have GOT to talk about this medication you've got me on. I'm all over it. +You're one tough cookie, Trevor Gooding. You keep coming back to your corner for a quick fix up then go right back out into the ring for another round. Some call it resilience. Others, stupidity. +Of course, yes. The way you just looked at me... +The way you just looked at me... I know, my bedside manner's horrendous. +So, I'm done. Thats it for today? All finished. +Hint. It's not a geographical location. I'm stumped. +I'm stumped. It's inside a moving car. +It's inside a moving car. Bull... +I've got numbers to back me up. Over the course of one year more Americans die in car accidents than did during the entire span of World War II. Okay so... what's the safest place? +Millions of people around the world get on busses every day. When was the last time you heard of anybody anywhere dying on a public transit bus? Okay Mr. Statistics I've got one for you. What's the most common cause of death for adults over the age of eighteen? +Okay Mr. Statistics I've got one for you. What's the most common cause of death for adults over the age of eighteen? Please. Heart attack. That was easy street. +Please. Heart attack. That was easy street. Second most common? +Second most common? Skin cancer. +Skin cancer. Eighty third most common. +Eighty third most common. Pitbull attacks. +Pitbull attacks. You just made that up. +We startred off to be. She was, I guess I was. I just sort of....butchered up the relationship somehow. Bad choice of words. I understand, I think. Other women? +I understand, I think. Other women? Yeah. It's like I was a different guy then I am today. I can't remember that guy. I see these women, they think I'm someone else, and I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not sure who Kristy knew. +Yeah. It's like I was a different guy then I am today. I can't remember that guy. I see these women, they think I'm someone else, and I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not sure who Kristy knew. You were unfaithful, it sounds like your confessing. +You were unfaithful, it sounds like your confessing. I did more then that. +Lucky for us these chairs happened to be here. Oh I knew about the chairs already. This is where the emphysema patients come to sneak cigarettes. +Don't tell me. Kirsty used to smoke? No. She just would have loved it up here... Allison when I was under... did I ever talk? +Sure plenty of times. Well? +Well? Trevor if someone is talking from a sleep state they are obviously dreaming. So practically everything say is going to sound strange. +Trevor if someone is talking from a sleep state they are obviously dreaming. So practically everything say is going to sound strange. Did I ever talk about the accident? +Did I ever talk about the accident? No. +No. Did I ever talk about Kirsty? +Did I ever talk about Kirsty? No. But at one point you did repeat something though. A phrase. You must have been having this recurring dream, you just kept saying this one thing over and over +No. But at one point you did repeat something though. A phrase. You must have been having this recurring dream, you just kept saying this one thing over and over What was it? +Sorry. If it makes you feel better that took every ounce of self control I had. Trevor, I never date patients. +If it makes you feel better that took every ounce of self control I had. Trevor, I never date patients. I understand... I won't- +I understand... I won't- No you don't understand. That's why I've been fighting to get you better. So you wouldn't be a patient anymore. +No you don't understand. That's why I've been fighting to get you better. So you wouldn't be a patient anymore. Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have switched doctors! +Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have switched doctors! Just get better okay? +Allison I think I did some very, very bad things. I mean very bad. Trevor things like this happen to people who experience temporary memory loss. Everybody does things they regret. You just couldn't remember doing these things and now you are so it's a shock to the system. I'm telling you. You will never get better if you keep blaming yourself for your wife's death. +Trevor things like this happen to people who experience temporary memory loss. Everybody does things they regret. You just couldn't remember doing these things and now you are so it's a shock to the system. I'm telling you. You will never get better if you keep blaming yourself for your wife's death. Maybe I wasn't responsible for the car accident... +Trevor what is the metric probability of you getting any work done at all today? Hey Bret. Christ, my head feels like a split coconut. +Hey Bret. Christ, my head feels like a split coconut. Dude there is a track on the carpet between here and the bathroom. It was made by your ass. You've been dragging it all fucking week. What happened to you yesterday? +Give me a break. I checked back into the hospital- amongst other things. Hospital? You haven't been to the hospital since uh... +Hospital? You haven't been to the hospital since uh... Since what? +Since what? Look never mind. Just get some numbers going- any numbers at all will due. The hills have eyes remember? +Must be nice. What? +What? Getting paid for doing shit. +The boss won't notice me doing a bad job because I'm not. Even if the boss thought I was slacking I'd know right away. Yeah, how's that? +Yeah, how's that? I have my connections +I have my connections Really? Do tell. +Really? Do tell. Gwen. +GWEN? I crap you not. She was all over me yesterday in the break room. And she was a total machine last night too. +I crap you not. She was all over me yesterday in the break room. And she was a total machine last night too. You were supposed to have a date with Gwen last night? GWEN DEARDON? The supervisor? +You were supposed to have a date with Gwen last night? GWEN DEARDON? The supervisor? Serious as a heart attack my friend. I think she literally fucked me brains out. +Hey if you're not doing anything I'd like to buy you a beer after work. Be just like old times. What's the occasion? +What's the occasion? I quit. Today's my last day. +I've got a better offer. More time off. A sort of career shift, more in the engineering line of work. How much time off? +How much time off? As much as he feels like. Its a much more pleasurable line of work. +So you're just packing it up just like that? Almost that fast. I got a few loose ends to tie up first. Came into a shitload of money recently. I've always wanted to go to take a trip. We're just gonna walk into the airport and decide right then and there. +Almost that fast. I got a few loose ends to tie up first. Came into a shitload of money recently. I've always wanted to go to take a trip. We're just gonna walk into the airport and decide right then and there. Yeah? You and who else? +Yeah? You and who else? Someone special. +Bret... what the fuck...? Tonight was supposed to be the night, Trevor. Remember? I couldn't believe you went through five dart games and didn't even joke about it. +Tonight was supposed to be the night, Trevor. Remember? I couldn't believe you went through five dart games and didn't even joke about it. Bret. What the hell is going on? +Bret. What the hell is going on? We were gonna be millionaires you said. Nobody'd suspect a thing. I had never even met her. No connection. Then you went and had that fucking car accident. +We were gonna be millionaires you said. Nobody'd suspect a thing. I had never even met her. No connection. Then you went and had that fucking car accident. Bret you are making no sense whatsoever. +Bret you are making no sense whatsoever. I followed her Trevor. I got to know her life. And what a boring one it was. Six a.m. gym, nine a.m. trendy coffee shop, noon bookstore, one soap operas, four o'clock news, five wait for Trevor to come home. And wait and wait and wait. Nine o'clock get ready for bed. +Hello I'm Dr... Ambrose. I know. +Ambrose. I know. Have we met? +Have we met? I've been in here before. +I've been in here before. Take no offense Trevor. I see many patients a day and have an awful memory. +Why don't you relax for the next couple of hours? Barring any relapses you should be able to go home after that. Where's Allison? +Who's Allison? Allison Dormere. Your intern. +What did you just say? I said she's been missing for- +I said she's been missing for- No. No you said HER BODY's been missing. +No. No you said HER BODY's been missing. What's the difference? +Last time anybody saw this woman she was alive. You seem to certain she's dead. I saw her drowning inside the car, detective. +You could say that. Zero's a number right? +Zero's a number right? As in one minus one equals zero yes. Where are you going with this? +As in one minus one equals zero yes. Where are you going with this? How many zeros was your wife worth? +Now I want you to tell me what you remember happening- in your own words- exactly the way you told Detective Lange. But this time I want you to make one small adjustment. What's that? +Come on speak up, Gooding, I'm trying to run a business here. I can't have people flipping out in the break room when they should be slaving away at their desks. Sorry I just kind of... spaced for a second there. +Get back here, junior bean counter. This is your supervisor speaking. Please, Gwen. You're- you're all over me. +Please, Gwen. You're- you're all over me. How do you think you got this job, cock? Mmm. I'm still tingling all over from our little midnight swim. +What's wrong, Trev? Nothing, look. Gwen I really like you- +Nothing, look. Gwen I really like you- And it shows. Least it did last night at the quarry. In a big way. +YOU'RE giving ME a speeding ticket? Mr. Mario Andretti himself? Gwen, my wife's dead. +Gwen, my wife's dead. Oh I see. That again. Trevor? I realize it must be hard. But Christ how long does it take someone to move on? +That was cold... No, making another woman compete with someone who's been dead eight months. That's cold. +Good boy. Where's is it? What? +What? Our little toy. You usually have it up and running by now. +Our little toy. You usually have it up and running by now. Do I really want to know what you're talking about? +Twenty one. Why do we have to do this now Kirsty? Shut up and play darling. Your turn. +Shut up and play darling. Your turn. Five hundred ninety two thousand seven hundred and four. +Five hundred ninety two thousand seven hundred and four. Uh... eighty two? +Uh... eighty two? Eighty four. +You win! Okay pull over. But... I thought... +But... I thought... If what I've heard is true this could be the last time for a long long time. Besides we've got a whole seven minutes before the next one. Clock's ticking. Tick-tock... +What isn't wrong? Why are you doing this anyway? I'm... I'm doing a very special thing here. And you can't even ... respond? +Just concentrate on the task at hand please. Listen to me. You should be giving ME this lecture. You've been cheating on me haven't you? +You've been cheating on me haven't you? Yes I had a quickie with the neighbor during your last contraction. +Yes I had a quickie with the neighbor during your last contraction. Roughly two thirds of married men who cheat start during the eighth month of their wives' first pregnancy. +Oh my God. It's coming out. What? +What? THE BABY IS COMING OUT! I CAN FEEL IT! SONOFABITCH IT HURTS!! AAAGGGGHHH!!! +OH MY GOD TREVOR! It hurts!! oh my God, Oh my God. Trevor, It's coming out. This isn't happening. +How does feel to be Mr. Kirsty Hughes for a whole year. In a word? Lucrative. +In a word? Lucrative. The best business decision if you ever made I'll bet. +The best business decision if you ever made I'll bet. Enjoyable too. The merger never even felt work for one second. +Enjoyable too. The merger never even felt work for one second. You know what the family lawyer told me one our wedding day? +You know what the family lawyer told me one our wedding day? What? +What? Never to put you in my will. +Never to put you in my will. Really? Why? +But you had more wisdom than to listen to a false prophet There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan +And besides, I thought, to hell with it... it's okay if you only married me for my money. Really, why's that? +Really, why's that? I only married you for your body. +Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Gooding. For me? Trevor! How romantic! Come here, you. +Kirsty... Kirsty? It's okay it was just a nightmare that's all. +You're alive... Yes. Now go back to sleep. You're driving the rest of the way to gramma's remember? +Trevor I've decided we have got to agree on a name before we reach my mother's. This poor kid's going to be starting preschool as student x if we don't make up our minds. So, I've been thinking, what about Daisy? It's perfect. +Thanks for coming down Mr. Gooding. Has your head healed okay by now? Where's my wife? +Where's my wife? Okay then. Here's the scoop. +What evidence? For one thing there were no skid marks on that bridge, the tires were all intact, from what we could tell, nothing wrong internally with the vehicle either. Like the car had been driven off the bridge intentionally. +For one thing there were no skid marks on that bridge, the tires were all intact, from what we could tell, nothing wrong internally with the vehicle either. Like the car had been driven off the bridge intentionally. It should all in the report. I told you guys everything. She was giving birth in the fucking car. She grabbed the wheel and I lost control. +It should all in the report. I told you guys everything. She was giving birth in the fucking car. She grabbed the wheel and I lost control. I did read that, yes. What hospital were you going to? I mean the Lodovico Street Bridge isn't exactly on the way to Mercy General. +Sorry I'm in your seat aren't I? No please make yourself at home. +I thought you loved games. I'll just stay out of this conversation until you come out and tell me why you've disrupted me at work. +I'll just stay out of this conversation until you come out and tell me why you've disrupted me at work. You and your wife were playing a game shortly before you got into that car accident weren't you? +You and your wife were playing a game shortly before you got into that car accident weren't you? Where is she? Where is my wife? +Sorry to take up your time like that Trevor. Don't work too hard. Oh, before I forget. I talked your neighbor out of pressing charges. What? +What? The whackjob in the black lipstick who lives down the hall? She wanted you arrested for harassment. I told her to chill out and smoke a joint. I'd look the other way as long as she did you know? +The whackjob in the black lipstick who lives down the hall? She wanted you arrested for harassment. I told her to chill out and smoke a joint. I'd look the other way as long as she did you know? Thanks. +Thanks. We're all here for you Trevor. +Morgue...? That's right Trevor. The timing was impeccable wasn't it? It's been eight months two weeks and three days but we finally found the body. Just need you to ID it for us. +Look Larry I know you never thought too much of me. And I know this all sounds a little fucked up. A little? Try unbelievably. +A little? Try unbelievably. I swear these guys are like playing mindgames with me. I think they got a hold of my e-mail address at work too. +Trevor barring the more outrageous aspects of your claim you are not the only widower the police have questioned when foul play is suspected. Hey ninety five point three percent of all murders are committed by either a spouse, a direct relative or a close friend that's common knowledge. But this wasn't murder it was an accident- +Hey ninety five point three percent of all murders are committed by either a spouse, a direct relative or a close friend that's common knowledge. But this wasn't murder it was an accident- And as far as hiding a body goes? I find it hard to believe even the dirtiest of cops would keep a victim's remains hidden simply to get someone to confess. It's absolutely preposterous. Now I'm not saying I don't believe you, I'm....ambiguous. There's quite alot of money behind all this. +And as far as hiding a body goes? I find it hard to believe even the dirtiest of cops would keep a victim's remains hidden simply to get someone to confess. It's absolutely preposterous. Now I'm not saying I don't believe you, I'm....ambiguous. There's quite alot of money behind all this. How much do I stand to inherit if Kirsty is presumed dead? +What happens if I'm convicted of Kirsty's murder? Well they'd have to prove it in a court of law for one thing- +Please Larry. Pretend you like me and humor me. Seeing you were her sole benefactor, and I'm the executive of the will, Kirsty's entire estate would have to be donated to the city. +Seeing you were her sole benefactor, and I'm the executive of the will, Kirsty's entire estate would have to be donated to the city. Hello? City? Cops? It's a fucking conspiracy! +Hello? City? Cops? It's a fucking conspiracy! Pardon my glibness Trevor but you sound like a raving lunatic. The next time you seek counsel it should be of the psychiatric type. You're obviously on the verge of some nervous collapse. +Pardon my glibness Trevor but you sound like a raving lunatic. The next time you seek counsel it should be of the psychiatric type. You're obviously on the verge of some nervous collapse. Thanks for your concern Larry. And fuck you too. +Least let me finish will ya? Got one puff left. I don't work here. +I don't work here. Music to my ears. +Hey buddy! ... but I'm starting to think I was... I was going to... +... but I'm starting to think I was... I was going to... Hey buddy! +What do you want?! Who the hell are you talking to? +Do you know where you are? Ambulance. +Ambulance. We're just gonna take some blood here. +Okay how many fingers am I holding up? Two. +Two. Can you follow them? +You mean... when the car went off the bridge? Wow you are out of it. +Poor Trevor. This game is over do you hear me? +This game is over do you hear me? I hear everything. And soon you will know everything. More than you ever wanted I can guarantee that. But I want you to think for a minute first. Think about all you've seen. All the clues you've been given. +How is our little student doing? Has he learned his lesson yet? I don't know who you are or what you want. I just want to know what's under that sheet... +I don't know who you are or what you want. I just want to know what's under that sheet... Use your mind for something other than numbers dear Trevor. Think about people for a change. People other than yourself. Like the women you slept with behind your wife's back. You were always so confident you had covered your tracks. Always confident your wife actually believed your fervent denials? Part of you must have known she would find out. +What's under that sheet...? You probably don't remember the night we played. Your first year as husband and wife. +I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm not even Catholic. I just had to tell somebody. It's like, ever since my wife died I don't know what I've actually done or what I've imagined. But I do know if one tenth of what's happening to me is reality... I've done some really awful things in my life. Things that I've... I guess I've blocked out... What things do you think you've done? +What things do you think you've done? Wow. Let's see. So many sins so little time. For starters I was responsible for the death my wife who by the way was carrying my unborn child. That was so I could collect her eight million dollar estate. I think I killed several women I was having mindless sex with behind her back. +But I saw these women. I saw their mutilated bodies. I saw their ghosts. I just know it happened I can feel it... All you've got is the here and the now Trevor. That's all anyone really has. Maybe this will make things easier to understand. A man goes to sleep every night and has recurring dream that he's a butterfly. In time he begins to wonder if he might actually be a butterfly who dreams he's a man. And at the end of the day does it even matter? All these events you're describing. How can you be sure any of them really happened? +All you've got is the here and the now Trevor. That's all anyone really has. Maybe this will make things easier to understand. A man goes to sleep every night and has recurring dream that he's a butterfly. In time he begins to wonder if he might actually be a butterfly who dreams he's a man. And at the end of the day does it even matter? All these events you're describing. How can you be sure any of them really happened? But that's what I need. To be sure... to be absolutely sure... +But that's what I need. To be sure... to be absolutely sure... Shh. It's okay son. There is but one truth. One thing you can be absolutely sure of. And that thing is this: +Dreams? I was going to say dimensions. But I guess technically they are dreams. +I was going to say dimensions. But I guess technically they are dreams. You should always listen to your subconscious. It's trying to tell you something about your waking life. +Trevor your body has been completely healed. All the nerve endings have repaired themselves. If there is any pain in your head it's... in your head. Jeez it's getting awful crowded in there. +My teacher told me once there's a puncture point on your body that can lock your soul within it, even after you're dead. So that when you die you're trapped inside your body, watching it corrode for all eternity. Look, whatever your Marharagi, told you, forget. You've got to get this fuckin pain to stop. +It was an analogy. Your soul is locked up inside you. You need to free it Trevor. You've blocked it from the healing process. That's what we need to do now. Heal your soul. And to do that I you have to give in utterly and without any hesitation or doubt. Do you know what I mean by giving in? It's about trust. Do you trust me implicitly? I don't even know what's real and what isn't how can I trust anyone? +I don't even know what's real and what isn't how can I trust anyone? You can trust me. Your wife is dead and you need to move past that. And the only way to move past something completely is to go straight through it, not around it. Surrender yourself to your wife's death. Let it chew you up and spit you back out on the other side. It's the only way you can become whole again. +Are you ready? I surrender... +Wait... what the hell is this... Surrender yourself... surrender yourself... +... knock on my door, I'm a total insomniac. No, thanks I've got a... a date tonight- +-Tawny. Whew. You bounce right back don't you? +Whew. You bounce right back don't you? What do you mean? +Last week... The car accident? Any of this ringing a bell? +It's not that kind of date. Hey even if it is more power to ya. Alrighty then. Have a good time. +Hey. Can I borrow something? Uh... sure, Tawny... what? +Uh... sure, Tawny... what? You. +Tawny? What's- what are you doing? YOU! +You okay? I'm, uh, not sure... Feeling kind of weird actually. +I'm, uh, not sure... Feeling kind of weird actually. Really? +I'm kinda feeling nuts myself! I've never said this to a woman before but can't we talk a little bit before grabbing at each other? +I've never said this to a woman before but can't we talk a little bit before grabbing at each other? God. Sometimes you can be such an animal. Other times you are the ultimate tease... +Wow. That's good. Lots of capers, huh? For starters. It's also got fennel, asparagus, olives, some more of mother nature's aphrodisiacs... Back in college, me and my roommates used to call it hard- on stew. +If you ever smelled this coming from our dorm room, you knew one of us was in there getting laid. You must have been very proud of yourselves... +You must have been very proud of yourselves... It's getting hot in here. +Tawny I think I'm going to be sick. Well now there's a compliment. +Whoa, I have serious space issues, dude. What do you want? I... think we need to talk, there's something really strange going on... +I... think we need to talk, there's something really strange going on... Hey you're the guy from down the hall. +Hey you're the guy from down the hall. Come on, quit fucking around. Listen it's about... what we did together last night. +Come on, quit fucking around. Listen it's about... what we did together last night. WHAT?! +And you pulled people out? You're... a hero. Nah, I fucked it up. I was tryin' to impress this kid, don't ask me why. I was gonna rescue his old man, but I couldn't find the poor bastard. He musta blew up. I got the hell outta there. I didn't have the nerve to face the kid. +Nah, I fucked it up. I was tryin' to impress this kid, don't ask me why. I was gonna rescue his old man, but I couldn't find the poor bastard. He musta blew up. I got the hell outta there. I didn't have the nerve to face the kid. A lotta people wouldn't have tried. It was pretty brave even trying... +A lotta people wouldn't have tried. It was pretty brave even trying... Try stupid. +You got a drinking problem or what? I sell them at the recycling center. Gives me a little for gas and food. +I sell them at the recycling center. Gives me a little for gas and food. Looks like you live in here, for Chrissake! +Looks like you live in here, for Chrissake! In bad weather, yeah. Mostly I camp out in the woods. I thought maybe you were down on your luck too when I picked you up. +You should give it to someone with only one leg. One leg! Like the Red Cross or something? +One leg! Like the Red Cross or something? I know a guy who only has one leg. +Sell it to him. You get a couple bucks, it pays for the ride. I got a job, nice apartment. I do okay. They interview you or anything? At the plane crash? +They interview you or anything? At the plane crash? "Hey, do I look crazy? I don't go for that shit... interviews, media. They're manipulators. ""Keep a low profile,"" that's my motto." +Hey, Bubber, c'mere! I gotta talk to you, buddy. LaPlante! +LaPlante! Come on, John, don't be an asshole. I don't like heights. +I just wanna talk with you for a minute. Then you can jump. You can jump twice for all I care. Talk from there. You can talk from there. +Talk from there. You can talk from there. In private. They got cameras and alla that crap in there. Microphones. +That's for Ga... Ms. Gayley. What am I, a goddamn postman? I'm way the fuck up here, I'm scared a heights, and you want me to deliver a letter? Put a stamp on it for Chrissake! +What am I, a goddamn postman? I'm way the fuck up here, I'm scared a heights, and you want me to deliver a letter? Put a stamp on it for Chrissake! That's close enough. It's a confession. The truth. Jesus, I'm sorry, LaPlante. I had the shoe, you said you didn't want, publicity because of your legal problems. +That's close enough. It's a confession. The truth. Jesus, I'm sorry, LaPlante. I had the shoe, you said you didn't want, publicity because of your legal problems. I don't recall saying I didn't want a million bucks... +I don't recall saying I didn't want a million bucks... I never really thought they'd go for it. And then... you didn't come forward, they investigated my war record... I kept expecting you to show up and expose me... +I never really thought they'd go for it. And then... you didn't come forward, they investigated my war record... I kept expecting you to show up and expose me... I was in the can, for Chrissake. +I was in the can, for Chrissake. The bathroom! For two days? +The bathroom! For two days? Jail! Listen, Bubber... This is crazy. We could fall off of here. +Jail! Listen, Bubber... This is crazy. We could fall off of here. You should go in. You're risking your life again... +You should go in. You're risking your life again... I'm beginning to... be aware of that, John. Listen, I'm not gonna do nothing heroic here, you can trust me on that, buddy. Whaddaya say we just sit down for a while. I don't have no tricks, I'm not that smart. You could, like, rest up for the jump. +What have I done? I was dirt poor and useless... but I was honest. Lighten up, John. You think you got problems for Chrissake? +You stole her purse! While you were saving her? What's the big deal? You decided to pretend you were me. A little moment of weakness, right? So I sorta swiped her purse. I got feet of clay too, bUddy. +What's the big deal? You decided to pretend you were me. A little moment of weakness, right? So I sorta swiped her purse. I got feet of clay too, bUddy. And she thinks you're blackmailing me? +And she thinks you're blackmailing me? Right. +Which don't sound like such a bad goddamn idea, John. Huh? Whadda you mean? +Huh? Whadda you mean? Well, we gotta work this thing out, John. It's a goddamn mess an' I'm halfway to doing serious time in the joint an' the TV lady's so stuck on you she don't want it to come out you stole her purse because it might break the heart of millions. Looka those maniacs, willya? They love you, for Chrissake! +Well, we gotta work this thing out, John. It's a goddamn mess an' I'm halfway to doing serious time in the joint an' the TV lady's so stuck on you she don't want it to come out you stole her purse because it might break the heart of millions. Looka those maniacs, willya? They love you, for Chrissake! I don't need to be a hero, LaPlante, but I can't face people... the looks in their eyes... after the trust they gave me! +I don't need to be a hero, LaPlante, but I can't face people... the looks in their eyes... after the trust they gave me! Great! You make this big goddamn mess, then ya jump. Beautiful! Listen, John, I was there at the hospital today, I seen you with those little bastards . +Great! You make this big goddamn mess, then ya jump. Beautiful! Listen, John, I was there at the hospital today, I seen you with those little bastards . It was you! I thought I heard... +It was you! I thought I heard... I'm not saying I hate sick people or anything but I hate being around them if you know what I mean. There you go, you inspire this kid to live. I probably woulda vomited on him. +I'm not saying I hate sick people or anything but I hate being around them if you know what I mean. There you go, you inspire this kid to live. I probably woulda vomited on him. Allen? He... he's okay? +You got those people out of the plane, LaPlante, not me. You woulda gone in there, you wouldn'ta thought twice... Trust me on that, that's the kinda guy you are. For a guy like me, it's a momentary loss of sanity. I wasn't thinking clearly. Listen, I'm no hero, John. I just want some dough and maybe a little favor. How much didja spend already on all that do-gooder bullshit? You didn't spend it all didja? +You woulda gone in there, you wouldn'ta thought twice... Trust me on that, that's the kinda guy you are. For a guy like me, it's a momentary loss of sanity. I wasn't thinking clearly. Listen, I'm no hero, John. I just want some dough and maybe a little favor. How much didja spend already on all that do-gooder bullshit? You didn't spend it all didja? Well, I donated a lot to different causes, uh... La... +Well, I donated a lot to different causes, uh... La... Bernie. Call me Bernie. +Bernie. Call me Bernie. --but there's a lot of it still left, uh, Bernie. Almost half. +You got it? Four year scholarship to a top college, plus Medical School or Law School or whatever Joey wants; pay off the $2,500 to my attorney, plus pay her fee in full, plus my annual consulting fee... And give a deposition to the jUdge. +And give a deposition to the jUdge. Listen, John, you better double my attorney's fee. She's very inexperienced, but she done a great job for me. And give her your autograph. She thinks you're some kinda holy man. +Listen, John, you better double my attorney's fee. She's very inexperienced, but she done a great job for me. And give her your autograph. She thinks you're some kinda holy man. On the deposition for the jUdge, Bernie... I mean there's no way I can promise anything. I can't tell him what we're up to... +On the deposition for the jUdge, Bernie... I mean there's no way I can promise anything. I can't tell him what we're up to... You'll tell him I talked you out of jumping, right? Just keep me outta prison. +You'll tell him I talked you out of jumping, right? Just keep me outta prison. I... I'll do the best I can, Bernie. +I... I'll do the best I can, Bernie. "That's good enough for me. You better take that ""letter"" there and get rid of it." +I dunno. It was... an impulse. Me, wearing my good shoes. Same with me, pretending I was you. An impulse. Why not? I had this shoe. +Same with me, pretending I was you. An impulse. Why not? I had this shoe. "There was this kid there saying, ""Go in there and save my father, mister."" And I'm thinking about my boy Joey and this goddamn fireman my wife's seeing. It was like I was supposed to save myself." +"There was this kid there saying, ""Go in there and save my father, mister."" And I'm thinking about my boy Joey and this goddamn fireman my wife's seeing. It was like I was supposed to save myself." Yeah, and with me it was like I was supposed to pretend the shoe was mine. +Yeah, and with me it was like I was supposed to pretend the shoe was mine. So now you gotta wear it, you poor bastard. Everyday you gotta be everybody's hero. People watching you all the time. Waiting for you to make... a slip. Slip up. +Looking... good, partner. Hang in there. Y-you're a g-god damn saint, John. +"What's going on? ""Guilty""! What is this?" I got your bail continued. +I got your bail continued. Bail, for Chrissake! I'm innocent! +"""Anticipation of incarceration""?" He means prison, Mr. LaPlante. +He means prison, Mr. LaPlante. "I know what he means. I'm not a prison kinda guy, Miss O'Day. I'm a goddamn working man for Chrissake! Maybe I ""augment"" my income a little with some ""business deals,"" maybe summa the guys I sell to are crooks, how would I know, I'm not an investigator. You can't make it on a wage no more, not in this country." +"I know what he means. I'm not a prison kinda guy, Miss O'Day. I'm a goddamn working man for Chrissake! Maybe I ""augment"" my income a little with some ""business deals,"" maybe summa the guys I sell to are crooks, how would I know, I'm not an investigator. You can't make it on a wage no more, not in this country." I think our best course right now would be to focus on the Probation Officer's report... +I think our best course right now would be to focus on the Probation Officer's report... He gives a good report and I walk? +He gives a good report and I walk? We can hope. You still have your job, right? +We can hope. You still have your job, right? Yeah, I been calling in sick. They think I got the flu. +Yeah, I been calling in sick. They think I got the flu. And a son by your ex-wife? Joseph. +And a son by your ex-wife? Joseph. A son, yeah. What about him? Joey. +A son, yeah. What about him? Joey. Are you pretty involved in his upbringing? +Are you pretty involved in his upbringing? Involved! Christ! She attached my goddamn paycheck! Child support. Why do you think I can't afford a lawyer? You know what I mean. Why I got a court appointed lawyer instead of a, uh, more experienced... +Involved! Christ! She attached my goddamn paycheck! Child support. Why do you think I can't afford a lawyer? You know what I mean. Why I got a court appointed lawyer instead of a, uh, more experienced... I understand. How often do you see your son? +I understand. How often do you see your son? Often, uh. +Often, uh. How recently? +How recently? Uh, his birthday, uh, May. I think. +Uh, his birthday, uh, May. I think. It's November. +It's November. She don't like me to see him. Says I'm a bad influence. +She don't like me to see him. Says I'm a bad influence. I think you should visit your son. And try and get your boss to write a note about your performance on the job. You need to create the impression of a responsible, decent citizen with familial responsibilities who happened to slip up once. +Uh, I know you're having financial difficulties, Mister LaPlante, but I wonder if... I mean, the money I loaned you... Some of it. Right here. I got some of it. I'll get the rest as soon as I can. +"""The Angel of Flight 104!"" You're telling me you're the A...?" """Angel!"" I didn't say ""angel,"" that's a little strong. Listen, here's the thing, I gotta get over there to the TV station to collect my million bucks." +"""Angel!"" I didn't say ""angel,"" that's a little strong. Listen, here's the thing, I gotta get over there to the TV station to collect my million bucks." Mister LaPlante, I really want to help you, but crazy stories are only going to make it worse. The D.A. is asking your bail be set at twenty-five thousand dollars because you were arrested again while you were out on bail... +Mister LaPlante, I really want to help you, but crazy stories are only going to make it worse. The D.A. is asking your bail be set at twenty-five thousand dollars because you were arrested again while you were out on bail... Twenty-five grand is peanuts! All you gotta do is get me outta here long enough to collect. +Whaddaya mean they didn't reduce the bail? If they didn't reduce it, how'dja spring me? I took a loan on my car and my computer. +I took a loan on my car and my computer. You whaaaaaat? You paid it? You gave a bondsman ten percent? +You whaaaaaat? You paid it? You gave a bondsman ten percent? I was inspired by the hero, how he stuck his neck out for others, how he took a chance... +I was inspired by the hero, how he stuck his neck out for others, how he took a chance... That fake inspired you to loan a guy who's been fired off his job twenty-five hundred goddamn dollars? A guy you say is probably gonna do time! You're s'posed to be an attorney for Chrissake! You're s'posed to have good judgment! +That fake inspired you to loan a guy who's been fired off his job twenty-five hundred goddamn dollars? A guy you say is probably gonna do time! You're s'posed to be an attorney for Chrissake! You're s'posed to have good judgment! Well, as you like to point out, Mister LaPlante, I'm relatively inexperienced. My naivete may have worked to your benefit in this instance. +Listen, now that I owe you twenty-five hundred bucks plus, how about loaning me twenty for cab fare? "So you can call me ""naive,"" Mister LaPlante." +"So you can call me ""naive,"" Mister LaPlante." "Hey, you could call me ""Bernie,"" forget the ""Mister LaPlante"" stuff. You are naive." +"Hey, you could call me ""Bernie,"" forget the ""Mister LaPlante"" stuff. You are naive." I read the probation report. It's not good. I think you're going... going to prison, Mister... Bernie. I know that scares you but.. +I read the probation report. It's not good. I think you're going... going to prison, Mister... Bernie. I know that scares you but.. TAXI! HEY, TAXI! Well, at least I'm gonna get my goddamn million bucks. TAXI FOR CHRISSAKE! +I seen on the TV where that do-gooder asshole's gonna go visit sick kids at three-thirty. Children's Hospital, on the double. You mean John Bubber? +Hey! Do I have a record? Have I ever done time? I mean I been arrested a few times, who hasn't? Parking tickets for Chrissake! Suspicion of stuff! Have I ever been convicted of anything? Mister LaPlante... +Mister LaPlante... Take a look at my employment record, you got my employment record there, right? You see any unemployment there, any welfare? I'm a taxpayer. They eat me alive, the tax people, they got taxes on everything, taxes, taxes, taxes, and forms! Taxes and forms so I can pay your goddamn salary, so you can sit there and write stuff, guys like me pay your wages... +Take a look at my employment record, you got my employment record there, right? You see any unemployment there, any welfare? I'm a taxpayer. They eat me alive, the tax people, they got taxes on everything, taxes, taxes, taxes, and forms! Taxes and forms so I can pay your goddamn salary, so you can sit there and write stuff, guys like me pay your wages... Mister LaPlante... +Mister LaPlante... Do I hit anybody? You see me shoot anybody? Hey, drugs! Do I sell drugs? Jesus, I don't belong in prison. I'm a family man. +Do I hit anybody? You see me shoot anybody? Hey, drugs! Do I sell drugs? Jesus, I don't belong in prison. I'm a family man. Mister LaPlante... +Mister LaPlante... Look, I got this kid. We got a goddamn relationship! I'm takin' him to a movie tonight! He worships me. If I go down what's this do to my son? I'm his goddamn role model for Christ sake! +Some guys been looking for me, Chick? Spanish kinda guys. Spanish kinda guys! +Spanish kinda guys! Business thing. Gimme a seven and seven, willya? +What is it, five days now I don't see you! 'Cause I'm up to my ass in shit is why. I'm broke, plus I got legal problems... Nobody was asking for me, huh? +Nope. Legal problems, you gotta have a good attorney. My attorney, she's just outta law school, about a couple of years older than my kid, for Chrissake. +My attorney, she's just outta law school, about a couple of years older than my kid, for Chrissake. You gotta kid? How old's your kid? +You gotta kid? How old's your kid? Nine. I think. Maybe ten. Yeah, ten. Nice kid. +Nine. I think. Maybe ten. Yeah, ten. Nice kid. You got a ten year old attorney, Bernie? +You got a ten year old attorney, Bernie? I can't afford no better. My ex, she attached my pay check for child support payments. You looking for Bernie LaPlante by any chance? +I didn't even know you had a kid. "The thing about kids is, they're so... young! They don't know nothin' yet. When you're a kid, you think you're gonna grow up an' be a ""wonderful person"" instead of an asshole, like everybody else." +"The thing about kids is, they're so... young! They don't know nothin' yet. When you're a kid, you think you're gonna grow up an' be a ""wonderful person"" instead of an asshole, like everybody else." We're all assholes, Bernie? +We're all assholes, Bernie? When I was a kid, I thought I was gonna be this fantastic wonderful heroic human being. +Bernie, how'sa kid? You don't wanna know, Chick, you don't wanna know. Those guys been in here? +You don't wanna know, Chick, you don't wanna know. Those guys been in here? You in business with those guys or what? I wouldn't want a problem for the establishment, Bern. +You in business with those guys or what? I wouldn't want a problem for the establishment, Bern. You couldn't have a problem, Chick, because I personally have got them all. I cornered the whole goddamn market. You wouldn't believe... Oh, how ya doin'...? +Hey, I don't blame you for bein' sore. I know I screwed up gettin' busted in here. You got a right to throw me out. I'm not gonna throw you out, Bernie. +What wouldja say if I toldja I ran into a burning plane an' saved a buncha people, Chick, an' risked my goddamnlife? You mean like Bubber? The hero? +You mean like Bubber? The hero? Yeah, like that. Same thing. +Yeah, like that. Same thing. Well... I mean... what am I supposed to say here, Bern? Is this a riddle or what? +Well... I mean... what am I supposed to say here, Bern? Is this a riddle or what? I mean, if I said it, wouldja believe me? Ya wouldn't, would ya? +I mean, if I said it, wouldja believe me? Ya wouldn't, would ya? It's a character thing, Bernie. I mean, you wouldn't do it. No offense. Me neither. I mean, a guy like Bubber, he's a certain kinda guy. Heroic. You and me, we're not... heroic. It's not our nature. It don't mean we're bad or nothing. We're just not so inclined. What about it? +It's a character thing, Bernie. I mean, you wouldn't do it. No offense. Me neither. I mean, a guy like Bubber, he's a certain kinda guy. Heroic. You and me, we're not... heroic. It's not our nature. It don't mean we're bad or nothing. We're just not so inclined. What about it? Nothin'. +Nothin'. I wouldn't be depressed about it, Bern. A guy don't have to be heroic to be a human being. +I wouldn't be depressed about it, Bern. A guy don't have to be heroic to be a human being. The thing is, Chick. I'm goin' down. +The thing is, Chick. I'm goin' down. Down. You mean jail? For that credit card stuff? For Chrissake, Bernie, your lawyer... +Bill, I... "DON'T SAY ""BILL,"" BERNIE! DON'T SAY ONE WORD! DIDN'T I SAY ""ONE WORD AND YOU'RE FIRED?""" +"DON'T SAY ""BILL,"" BERNIE! DON'T SAY ONE WORD! DIDN'T I SAY ""ONE WORD AND YOU'RE FIRED?""" I... +I... "YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE IT'LL BE AN EXCUSE! IT'LL BE ""BERNIE LAPLANTE EXCUSE NUMBER FOUR THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND SIX."" NO, FOUR THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND TWELVE. THAT'S HOW MANY EXCUSES YOU HAVE GIVEN ME, I KEEP TRACK OF THEM ELECTRONICALLY. I HEARD THEM ALL, BERNIE." +"YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE IT'LL BE AN EXCUSE! IT'LL BE ""BERNIE LAPLANTE EXCUSE NUMBER FOUR THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND SIX."" NO, FOUR THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND TWELVE. THAT'S HOW MANY EXCUSES YOU HAVE GIVEN ME, I KEEP TRACK OF THEM ELECTRONICALLY. I HEARD THEM ALL, BERNIE." Bill, I got some legal problems and I... +Bill, I got some legal problems and I... THAT'S IT! YOU TALKED! YOU'RE FIRED! OUTTA HERE! GET OUTTA HERE! +THAT'S IT! YOU TALKED! YOU'RE FIRED! OUTTA HERE! GET OUTTA HERE! Bill, listen... +Bill, listen... OUT! I TOLDJA. JESUS CHRIST, I GOT CUSTOMERS WAITING! AN' YOU WERE GONNA GO OUT LIKE THAT? AN' MEET THE PUBLIC IN STOCKING-FUCKING-FEET? +OUT! I TOLDJA. JESUS CHRIST, I GOT CUSTOMERS WAITING! AN' YOU WERE GONNA GO OUT LIKE THAT? AN' MEET THE PUBLIC IN STOCKING-FUCKING-FEET? Bill, I got financial problems and... +Bill, I got financial problems and... I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS, I'M GONNA THINK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. YOU'RE ONE A MY PROBLEMS. GET OUT! OUT! OUT! +He waited for you three hours! You are not gonna believe this, Evelyn! Absolutely fantastic! I'm on my way -- +You are not gonna believe this, Evelyn! Absolutely fantastic! I'm on my way -- I am so tired of your bullshit, Bernie. +I am so tired of your bullshit, Bernie. Ev, it's not my fault! I'm trying to tell you this incredible -- +Ev, it's not my fault! I'm trying to tell you this incredible -- It's never your fault, Bernie! Never ever! You screwed up my life, now you're gonna screw up Joey's life, but you're never gonna accept responsibility for anyth-- +It's never your fault, Bernie! Never ever! You screwed up my life, now you're gonna screw up Joey's life, but you're never gonna accept responsibility for anyth-- Is he here, your friend. The fireman? +Is he here, your friend. The fireman? He had an emergency call... a real emergency. +He had an emergency call... a real emergency. Why doncha let me in so we don't wake everybody in the neighborhood? +Willya lemme talk for Chrissake? I'm trying to tell you what happened. What happened is... The same thing that always happens! You blew it! And this time you broke your son's heart instead of mine! He was so proud, looking forward to going to a movie with his father... and you let him down! Like you let everybody down, always! What did you do, take a mudbath? +That's what I'm trying to... to... okay, nevermind. Just lemme talk to Joey to... to apologize. "He's in bed! You're not gonna wake him and make him crazy, do you understand? He comes home from the zoo, he wants to know if Elliot's a ""war hero"" like you... he wants to know how many people you killed..." +"He's in bed! You're not gonna wake him and make him crazy, do you understand? He comes home from the zoo, he wants to know if Elliot's a ""war hero"" like you... he wants to know how many people you killed..." """Elliot""? The heroic goddamn fireman?" +"""Elliot""? The heroic goddamn fireman?" "I had to explain your tendancy to ""exaggerate"", How you were actually ""in country"" all of two weeks and how you killed about as many people as the other clerk-typists in your outfit, no more, no less..." +"I had to explain your tendancy to ""exaggerate"", How you were actually ""in country"" all of two weeks and how you killed about as many people as the other clerk-typists in your outfit, no more, no less..." Three weeks, Ev. I didn't tell him I killed anybody... +Three weeks, Ev. I didn't tell him I killed anybody... Maybe not,... but you let him believe it! And then I gotta explain about the homeless... +Maybe not,... but you let him believe it! And then I gotta explain about the homeless... The homeless! +The homeless! How not all of them own apartment complexes, how not all of them play the stock market, how not all of them rent babies when they're panhandling. He's ten years old, Bernie! Impressionable! +Listen, it's important, Ev, I gotta see him, I got my reasons, very goddamn important... Use the phone, Bernie, call him tomorrow, he'd like to hear from you. Where's your other shoe? Never mind! I don't want to know. Some fantastic adventure, right? Something really crazy. +Use the phone, Bernie, call him tomorrow, he'd like to hear from you. Where's your other shoe? Never mind! I don't want to know. Some fantastic adventure, right? Something really crazy. "I was giving him some advice is all. Preparing him for life. You don't want him to grow up soft, Ev , it's tough out there, it's a goddamn jungle." +"I was giving him some advice is all. Preparing him for life. You don't want him to grow up soft, Ev , it's tough out there, it's a goddamn jungle." Back to the jungle, Bernie. Good night. +You! Camera, Chucky. Are you Bernard LaPlante, sir? What is your relationship with John Bubber? +Camera, Chucky. Are you Bernard LaPlante, sir? What is your relationship with John Bubber? Turn that thing off. +Turn that thing off. How did you acquire this, Mister LaPlante? +How did you acquire this, Mister LaPlante? How do ya think I got it, for Chrissake? Hey, put that thing down. This is my goddamn apartment, you can't just... +How do ya think I got it, for Chrissake? Hey, put that thing down. This is my goddamn apartment, you can't just... What's your scheme, Mister LaPlante? What are you forcing John Bubber to do? What are you -- ? +For God's sake, tell him I'm on my way. Let's go, Chucky. A police escort is gonna pick us up en route. You too, LaPlante. Me! +Me! If you're not in the car in ten seconds, I'll have the cops pick you up. +If you're not in the car in ten seconds, I'll have the cops pick you up. The cops! What kinda bullshit is this? Is this America or -- ? +The cops! What kinda bullshit is this? Is this America or -- ? Here! Here... ten, thirty, fifty bucks. How much have you got, Chucky? Give Mister LaPlante your money. +My fault! My fault! This nut case goes out on a ledge and it's my fault? If anything happens to John BUbber, Mister LaPlante I'm going to see you prosecuted to the full extent of the law. +If anything happens to John BUbber, Mister LaPlante I'm going to see you prosecuted to the full extent of the law. What, is everybody in love with this, bozo? I don't get this. What about...? +What, is everybody in love with this, bozo? I don't get this. What about...? Yes, everybody is in love with John Bubber. The whole country, in fact. And they're not going to be happy if he jumps to his death because he was harassed by a lousy little money-grubbing low-life fence... +Yes, everybody is in love with John Bubber. The whole country, in fact. And they're not going to be happy if he jumps to his death because he was harassed by a lousy little money-grubbing low-life fence... """Harassed."" Cause I yelled at him when he's riding in his limo? The guy's a thief, he took my..." +"""Harassed."" Cause I yelled at him when he's riding in his limo? The guy's a thief, he took my..." He had one tiny, uncharacteristic moment of weakness. That's not the same thing as a lifetime of petty crime... +He had one tiny, uncharacteristic moment of weakness. That's not the same thing as a lifetime of petty crime... Hey, lady, I got faults, I know I'm not perfect but I don't get this at all, your attitude. I saved your... +Hey, lady, I got faults, I know I'm not perfect but I don't get this at all, your attitude. I saved your... A lifetime of petty crime climaxed by your sleaziest accomplishment yet... blackmailing a national hero... +A lifetime of petty crime climaxed by your sleaziest accomplishment yet... blackmailing a national hero... -- saved your... whaaaaaaat? What? Blackmailing...? +-- saved your... whaaaaaaat? What? Blackmailing...? You think I haven't figured it out? Just because the cops aren't on to you yet doesn't mean you're home free. I'm a veteran reporter. I've seen your kind before, the underbelly of crime. +You think I haven't figured it out? Just because the cops aren't on to you yet doesn't mean you're home free. I'm a veteran reporter. I've seen your kind before, the underbelly of crime. Underbelly! +Underbelly! In all that smoke and fire, John had a moment of weakness. He'd been down and out, destitute, living in his car. It was just an impulse, stealing my purse. +"All this is off the record, Chucky, because if John Bubber lives, Mister LaPlante is going to give him his assurance that there will be no more ""misbehavior"" on his part. What's more he's going to apologize." I'm going to apologize to Bubber? +I'm going to apologize to Bubber? I could deny I had those credit cards on the plane with me, LaPlante... +I could deny I had those credit cards on the plane with me, LaPlante... Lie, you mean... +Lie, you mean... Well, maybe I wouldn't lie...but I could tell the story the way I did just now, so that people could understand that John is even more of a hero, and that you... you're the lowest thing that ever crawled. Your name will be synonymous with cynical opportunism and blackmail. You won't get a cent. +Well, maybe I wouldn't lie...but I could tell the story the way I did just now, so that people could understand that John is even more of a hero, and that you... you're the lowest thing that ever crawled. Your name will be synonymous with cynical opportunism and blackmail. You won't get a cent. I got a kid, you know. I'm a person, for Chrissake. +I got a kid, you know. I'm a person, for Chrissake. Well, for your child's sake, show some decency then, rise above your sleazy instincts. You may have already killed him! +I snuck in. You media people, you think you can just go anywhere you want, spy on people. +You media people, you think you can just go anywhere you want, spy on people. Listen, Mister LaPlante... uh, Bernie... Who... are... you? +Listen, Mister LaPlante... uh, Bernie... Who... are... you? "Who am I? You're asking me? You're the big expert for Chrissake! I'm what? The ""Scumbag,"" right? The sleazebag something or other, the blackmailer, the..." +"Who am I? You're asking me? You're the big expert for Chrissake! I'm what? The ""Scumbag,"" right? The sleazebag something or other, the blackmailer, the..." Was it you? In the plane? Who saved my life? +Was it you? In the plane? Who saved my life? Me? Listen, I don't give no interviews. That was John Bubber. You wanna ask me questions, you could talk to my attorney, Miss O'Day. +Me? Listen, I don't give no interviews. That was John Bubber. You wanna ask me questions, you could talk to my attorney, Miss O'Day. Mister LaPlante... Bernie... I... just for a few moments... I want to be a human being, not a reporter. I'm somebody who was going to die in a burning plane and I looked up, and some man came out of the smoke, his face smeared with mud, and soot and... and he... saved my... life. Off the record. Was it you? Why would you deny it if it was? Because you took my purse? Why? +"This guy, this ""friend"" your mother's seeing, he's a fireman, huh? He ever... spend the night, whatsisname?" Sometimes. His name's Elliot. He saved a guy's life one time. In a fire. +Sometimes. His name's Elliot. He saved a guy's life one time. In a fire. Oh yeah? A hero, huh? Was he in the 'Nam, this guy Elliot? +Oh yeah? A hero, huh? Was he in the 'Nam, this guy Elliot? """The Nomm""? What's that?" +"""The Nomm""? What's that?" It was this war. Viet Nam. Doesn't matter. +It was this war. Viet Nam. Doesn't matter. Were you in it? In the war? +Were you in it? In the war? You never saw that picture, huh? +You never saw that picture, huh? What picture? +What picture? Me in my uniform. Used to be on the bookcase. +Are you gonna take me somewhere next weekend? I'm working on that. It's just I got some business problems and... whatsa matter? +Here. Get off here. Thanks. Thanks, pal. +Listen, buddy, I'm really enjoying this relationship we got going here. I been missing out on not knowing you better. Thing is, I got all this business stuff... I could go to a movie Thursday night. 'Cause we don't have school on Friday. +Here we are. Yeah, that's a possibility. A movie. Now you gwan in, tell your mother I got you back on time. Point that out to her. She was always on my case for stuff like that. She's still like that, right? Yeah. I'll see ya... dad. +Yeah, my dad's great. He took me to the zoo. JOEY! +"You remember where I said how I was gonna explain about life, buddy? Well, the thing about life is... it gets weird. See people are always gonna be talking to you about ""truth."" Everybody always knows what the truth is, like it was toilet paper or something and they got a supply in the closet. But what you learn as you get older is, there ain't no truth. All there is is bullshit . Layers of it. One layer of bullshit on top of another. So what you do in life, like when you get older, is you pick the layer of bullshit you prefer and that's your bullshit, so to speak. You got that?" Uh, no. +Uh, no. Mmmmm. Well, it's complicated. Maybe when you're older. Anyhow, what I'm gonna tell you here is in strict confidence, okay? It don't go no further. What happened is, you remember that night I was gonna take you to the movies an' it was raining like a sonofabitch, ..? +Uh, er... I... You were saying you don't want a million dollars. +You were saying you don't want a million dollars. Well, I'm not entitled to a million dollars. I... I... didn't expect... I didn't expect... +Well, I'm not entitled to a million dollars. I... I... didn't expect... I didn't expect... All the adulation? It makes you feel like a fake, doesn't it? +All the adulation? It makes you feel like a fake, doesn't it? Uh, actually... yes... I... should never have come forward and presented myself as -- +Instant celebrity is overwhelming to anybody. You've known John Bubber all your life, you're used to him, you know you're the same human being you were before all the excitement. So you feel like a fraud... Yes. +Yes. ...unworthy of the adoration. We all do. +Is she... serious? A half a million dollars? In my behalf? You're a celebrity, John. People are going to want to please you... or use you... or both. +Uh, no. But I, uh, wonder if you could up support... support a program to help the needy and... John, I'm sure she could support just about anything. I think I'll see you to your room. A sort of bodyguard. Make sure no harm comes to you. +Uh, if you could, just, uh, support, uh, a small airfield... It's been sometime since, uh, I received any, uh, of that kind of, uh... attention. A couple of... years. +Years? There are going to be lots of... opportunities. Gale... you're a very nice person. I wouldn't want to hurt you... in any way... +I... I know that, John... You... you think I saved your... life. I can't take advantage.... +You... you think I saved your... life. I can't take advantage.... You did save my life! And it's me! I'd be taking advantage of you! I'm a reporter, John, an experienced professional... I... +I... no... I don't have the right... I... No, I don't have the right. You're a news story! +No, I don't have the right. You're a news story! Uh, right. A... news story. +I know the truth, John. I'm flying in some guys from your unit in Vietnam tomorrow. Interviewing them live on network hookup! Vietnam! +Vietnam! Goodnight, John. +You were... very... inspiring. A script! I thought we just walked through everything... +A script! I thought we just walked through everything... Read it. It'll be fine. +Now you help me up. Boy, you seem... taller. It must be psychological... now that I know you saved my life... Gale! I can't go through with this! It's... it's all wrong!' +Gale! I can't go through with this! It's... it's all wrong!' You're doing fine. You didn't actually lift me though. It was more like you supported me. +You're doing fine. You didn't actually lift me though. It was more like you supported me. That's not what I mean... +That's not what I mean... There, like that. Kind of, uh, sexy. You can support me anytime, John. +There, like that. Kind of, uh, sexy. You can support me anytime, John. Gale... +Gale... I just remembered. You were talking about bodybuilding and swearing. +I just remembered. You were talking about bodybuilding and swearing. Bodybuilding! +It's not right, Gale... It's no big deal, it just looks better carrying me. Oh, you mean because I wasn't carrying my purse at the time. +Gale! This is for you. I want you to know I never meant to hurt you. This will explain everything. John, I know all about it. +John, I know all about it. You do? +"""A little mistake""!" No, John, you're too hard on yourself. I've got the creep here, the guy who's... +Did you get it? Jesus, did I say that? Yeah, I got it. Sports training. You learn to follow the ball. How about you do a wrap-up from up here? I'll pan off that skyscraper over there, find you here, then reveal the drop. +What're we talking about? Reach out for what? I told them how you were upset we didn't save the guy... +We're gonna wait here? The guy could be hours. Maybe, maybe not. I have a feeling this guy is important somehow. +Maybe, maybe not. I have a feeling this guy is important somehow. Hey, listen, great that you're a career-fiend, I got a wife and family, I... +Hey, listen, great that you're a career-fiend, I got a wife and family, I... You're lucky, Chucky, you... OW! +What's the matter? This sofa is a lethal weapon. The springs... are... the springs... what...? +What is it? The...Silver...Mike...Award! +The...Silver...Mike...Award! This guy LaPlante won an award? +This guy LaPlante won an award? """For Excellence in the Pursuit of Truth.""" +"""For Excellence in the Pursuit of Truth.""" LaPlante! +Swiped your purse! While he was saving you? You gotta be kidding! And sold it to Mister LaPlante, the fence, who's now trying to blackmail poor John. +He's gotta be a nut! He saves all those people and swipes a purse? "Because he was a real hero, Chucky. He was acting out of a deep instinctive decency, not out of some ego thing. He didn't expect the media to lionize him. He didn't expect a million dollar reward. He saved fifty-four people because something inside him, some fundamental love for his fellow man, made him rush into that plane when ""good sense"" told him otherwise. He was willing to settle for some credit cards he sold to LaPlante.... For how much, LaPlante? A couple of bucks? Did you give him enough for a decent meal?" +"It would make me feel like a human being instead of a cynical, hardbitten newswoman. Besides it wouldn't be a bad story, would it, ""Newswoman Saves Suicide?""" Unprofessional. +Unprofessional. You just can't bear the idea of good news. +You just can't bear the idea of good news. You're sitting on your ticket. +She broke up with her boyfriend. Listen, babe, we needja back. You gotta follow up on the jumper, find the human interest in the grim, unending tale of woe that pours from the wounded heart of the heartless metropolis. The story behind the story, the ugly scandal behind the falling millionaire, the dirt, you mean. +The story behind the story, the ugly scandal behind the falling millionaire, the dirt, you mean. That too. +That too. Would the station put me up at a good hotel...? +There's a lot of confusion around what went on last night, it's not clear... You said all the passengers were accounted for... +You said all the passengers were accounted for... Apparently the guy who pulled you out wasn't a passenger... +We're piecing together different accounts and... "A ""mystery guy!"" ""Not a passenger."" Who?" +There could be problems with something like that Mister Wallace. What if...? WHAT? THEY FOUND WHAT? +How'd it go? He'll do it. You really-should have talked to him first. +He's right. It's unprofessional. If you reach out, you could get pulled over yourself. +Saving people is not our job. It's as wrong to step in and save someone as it would be to push someone off. You wouldn't push the guy, would you? +Ticket! What's going on? She's flying to New York. She's been nominated for a Silver Mike... +She's flying to New York. She's been nominated for a Silver Mike... A Silver Mike! You're covering us in glory! +Not bad. But if you gotta wear a cast, you oughtta feature it more it's parta the story. Network's taking everything we give 'em. They wanta feed off our six o'clock whether we find the mystery guy or not. We're very big nationally. It's a wonderful piece. Emotional. I love it. +It's a wonderful piece. Emotional. I love it. We're gonna feature Gale's cast more. The trick is gonna be keeping the upper hand on this piece. As long as we have Gale and there's no mystery guy, we're the center of the story. But if he shows up and somebody else gets him first or exclusive... +We're gonna feature Gale's cast more. The trick is gonna be keeping the upper hand on this piece. As long as we have Gale and there's no mystery guy, we're the center of the story. But if he shows up and somebody else gets him first or exclusive... What about a reward for coming forward? +"I thought they'd all go ""It's him! It's him!"" and hug the guy or something." Relax, Wally. He had the shoe and the shoe checks out. +Relax, Wally. He had the shoe and the shoe checks out. Does this mean I can stop worrying? Where'd we put him? +Does this mean I can stop worrying? Where'd we put him? Drake Hotel, Penthouse Suite. Never stop worrying. I figure we'll do a sidebar on what it's like to go from sleeping in your car and collecting cans to sleeping in the poshest suite in town. Also Gale's onto something, digging into his background. +Upset! What's he upset about? Said he's not an actor. +Said he's not an actor. He's not supposed to be an actor, that's the whole point. He's a real life hero, all he has to do is act like a real life hero. That's the beauty of the concept, the whole freshness of it. Did she call him back? +He's not supposed to be an actor, that's the whole point. He's a real life hero, all he has to do is act like a real life hero. That's the beauty of the concept, the whole freshness of it. Did she call him back? She's talking to him now. +She's talking to him now. We paid him a million dollars. You'd think he'd want to cooperate a little, help our ratings. +"Whaddaya mean what do I wanna know? I wanna know everything. Who's this screwball LaPlante for Pete's sake, what the hell's he doing out there, auditioning for the priesthood? You're supposed to be on top of this, Gale, don't... ""Quit!"" You can't quit! It's unprofessional!" Quit? She wants to quit? +Quit? She wants to quit? Listen, Gale, I know you're emotionally involved. Don't be emotionally involved, be professional. No, Gale, you are not a hardbitten, cynical hard-ass, you just think you are. You are a goddamn cream puff! Try and be a hard-ass! +She wants to quit? She can't quit. +Gale shoulda aired that bit first, she's the one who found this clown LaPlante! She let Channel Eight get a beat on us. Listen, Deak, what if Bubber has got something to hide? What if he's the wrong guy, not really the hero...? +Listen, Deak, what if Bubber has got something to hide? What if he's the wrong guy, not really the hero...? Helluva story! +Helluva story! No, Deak, not a great story. We backed this guy, he's our boy! We gave him a vote of confidence, we gave him a million dollars. +It's not unthinkable. What? +What? The Presidency. The public loves him. +The Presidency. The public loves him. For ten more minutes they love him, Wally. I'm sick of him and I'm always about ten minutes ahead of the public. +He lost a shoe! Who lost a shoe? Wash your hands. +Who lost a shoe? Wash your hands. "The ""unknown hero."" They found his shoe right beside the plane crash." +My father didn't have his shoes on when he... when he came here. You were in bed. Weren't you? +You were in bed. Weren't you? I... I saw him out the window. +My God! It... it is him! Wh-why's he... why's he up there, mom? +If I gave you the impression I hated him I didn't mean to. I... I hate the way he behaves... he's selfish and self-centered and cynical... "What's ""cynical""?" +"What's ""cynical""?" "It's when you say, ""Everybody else cheats why shouldn't I?"" But I don't -- I don't hate -- him. I... loved him once, Joey. Very much. I just got... tired. Maybe it wasn't all his fault. He... What's happening? Oh, my God..." +Oh my God! Bernie! Dad! +Hi, Chief. You like the suicide? Never reach out! +Never reach out! Hello, Mister Wallace. +I didn't say I thought we should have saved him.. You didn't? +You didn't? I said I wished it had at least occurred to me to consider saving him. +I haven't won it yet. I notice you've got me scheduled on a flight back an hour after the ceremony. An hour after...! Deak, for Heaven's sake! Let's give her a night in New York City. We'll put her and her boyfriend up at a good hotel... +LaPlante! That asshole! I don't... Hey, is that you, from the tee vee? In person? We're from Channel Four, yes. We'd like to find -- +We're from Channel Four, yes. We'd like to find -- """This is Gale Gayley for Channel Four News!"" Incredible. Unbelievable! For Bernie LaPlante! He's a celebrity now? 'Cause he stole paint?" +"""This is Gale Gayley for Channel Four News!"" Incredible. Unbelievable! For Bernie LaPlante! He's a celebrity now? 'Cause he stole paint?" We couldn't find his name on the buzzer or on the mailbox, but... +Shouldn't we have buzzed him to let him know -- Half the time he don't answer even if he's home. Know why? 'Cause he don't want no bill collectors to find him. I don't mean to be judgmental, but he's a scumbag. He don't have no friends. Who's gonna like a creep like LaPlante? I was doin' him a favor on the TV outta kindness, and he screwed me. You know what color skin you get on my set, Miss Gayley? Purple! That's what color skin you got on the tee vee LaPlante sells me! +No dead body. Too bad. Not too often you guys get pictures of a body even before the cops get there. Exclusive! I wonder if you'd mind if we waited for him here, Mister Winston... +There's no face really, nothing to work with. Big dots, that's all you'll get. Look at the guy! He just saved fifty people. Now he's going to disappear. Who is he? +Is he like that in real life? So gorgeous? He's pretty... remarkable. +He's pretty... remarkable. You didn't... get it on with him? +You didn't... get it on with him? Don't be ridiculous. I'm a reporter. +Don't be ridiculous. I'm a reporter. Reporters don't have hormones? +Reporters don't have hormones? Reporters... have to... rise above their hormones. +Hey, Miss Gayley, there's a cop looking for you. From Robbery Detail, Inspector Dayton. He wants you to call him. What about? +What about? I didn't ask him. +I didn't ask him. Call him back. Ask him. I'm a little...busy. +Excuse me, Ms. Gayley. That guy Inspector Dayton... he's recovered a bunch of your credit cards and he wants... Who? +Who? Inspector Dayton, the cop from Robbery Detail who was looking for you. They caught the guy who stole your credit cards trying to sell them and he wants... +Inspector Dayton, the cop from Robbery Detail who was looking for you. They caught the guy who stole your credit cards trying to sell them and he wants... Nobody stole my credit cards. They burned up in the crash. Which reminds me, did you get me cash? And what about the reservations? +You test each one thoroughly? You better believe it, buddy. Your average Rolls Royce doesn't have to pass as many tests. You want consistency? You want dependability? You want safety? +You better believe it, buddy. Your average Rolls Royce doesn't have to pass as many tests. You want consistency? You want dependability? You want safety? Safety? +Safety? Listen, you can kick 'em, hit 'em, pour water all over 'em -- nothing. I'm telling you, under ordinary conditions they're quiet, they're nice to have around, they're completely harmless -- but when you blow this whistle... ... then look out. +Look at that. You can't buy better protection than that. That there is your Man's Best Friend. How are they with kids? +How are they with kids? They're great with kids. They love 'em. They eat 'em up. I'm kidding. +They're great with kids. They love 'em. They eat 'em up. I'm kidding. So this really does the trick, eh? +So this really does the trick, eh? Friend, that animal will go after whoever's approaching the sound of that whistle. And God help whoever it is. Because that dog will not let up until there's dead meat on the ground. Put your faith in that, pal. +So, Neil. How's it goin'? Okay. +Okay. I'm Bernard, by the way. Those are cool Reeboks, Neil. They're real new, aren't they? +Hey, c'mon. They're really white. +Give it here, Bernard. Whoa, check it out. +Was that your dad? Nah, that's some guy fixing the living room floor. +So where are all your toys? Let's watch some TV. +Let's watch some TV. Where are these toys of yours? +Where are these toys of yours? A lot of my stuff hasn't been unpacked yet. Here's the TV. +A lot of my stuff hasn't been unpacked yet. Here's the TV. What toys do you have? +Are you being helped, sir? I'm looking for some perfume. +I'm looking for some perfume. Any particular brand? +Any particular brand? Well, it's for a woman. +Well, it's for a woman. Wife, girlfriend or mother? +Wife, girlfriend or mother? Oh -- uh -- girlfriend. +How's the new place? It's great. It's clean and airy and quiet -- there are trees and flowers. There's still some fixing up I have to do, but it's coming along. +It's great. It's clean and airy and quiet -- there are trees and flowers. There's still some fixing up I have to do, but it's coming along. And the rent is okay? +And the rent is okay? Oh, it's nothing. No problem. I was really lucky to find this place. +Oh, it's nothing. No problem. I was really lucky to find this place. "All right then. That's important, isn't it? -- For you to be in an ""up"" environment. I'm saying you should literally take that as your base, do you know what I mean? It's something positive that you've accomplished -- even if you were forced by circumstance -- something for you to build upon." +"All right then. That's important, isn't it? -- For you to be in an ""up"" environment. I'm saying you should literally take that as your base, do you know what I mean? It's something positive that you've accomplished -- even if you were forced by circumstance -- something for you to build upon." Right. +Right. And what about work? Have you had any more thoughts about what you'd like to be doing now? +And what about work? Have you had any more thoughts about what you'd like to be doing now? Well, I've been doing a little independent contracting, some carpentry here and there, y'know, do-it-yourself-type stuff. I still find it very soothing. +Well, I've been doing a little independent contracting, some carpentry here and there, y'know, do-it-yourself-type stuff. I still find it very soothing. I'm happy that you're working again. As long as it comes naturally, that's terrific. You've always liked working with your hands, haven't you? +I'm happy that you're working again. As long as it comes naturally, that's terrific. You've always liked working with your hands, haven't you? Yeah, since I was a kid. I had a woodwork class once when I was... in school that time. Then I learned a lot more when I was in the -- +Yeah, since I was a kid. I had a woodwork class once when I was... in school that time. Then I learned a lot more when I was in the -- -- hospital. +-- hospital. -- institution. +-- institution. Right. So, you have a new place, you've started working a bit -- I'm sure you'll be meeting some new people. +Right. So, you have a new place, you've started working a bit -- I'm sure you'll be meeting some new people. Actually, I have met someone. There's a woman I think I like. +Actually, I have met someone. There's a woman I think I like. Oh, good -- well, I hope you'll have more to tell me next time. +Yeah, things are moving along, but she's still involved with this other guy and it's a little tricky. Listen, no one ever said expressing yourself to the opposite sex is easy, but when the time comes, you have to do it and you hope the outcome will be good for both of you. You come out of solitary and you rejoin the human race, as difficult as that sometimes can be. +Listen, no one ever said expressing yourself to the opposite sex is easy, but when the time comes, you have to do it and you hope the outcome will be good for both of you. You come out of solitary and you rejoin the human race, as difficult as that sometimes can be. When I was a child... I got used to the closets. The boxes. The cabinet under the kitchen sink... with that persistent drip. I used to the smell of the boxes. Wood. Cardboard. I got so I was comfortable there in the dark. Even... even that old refrigerator in the yard. That smelled like rust and decay. It was safe in the boxes. It was when they took me out -- +I guess so. I mean, I know I'm responsible for my own actions. It was never because I was angry with anyone. I didn't mean to hurt anyone ever. You're responsible for your own actions and you don't mean to hurt anyone. In other words, you've done your best. I'm saying don't carry the burden of other people's actions on your shoulders, because they're beyond your control. +And how are things with your lady friend, if I may call her that? Oh, fine. She's gone away for a little while and when she comes back I've sort of resolved to really tell her how much I care for her. +Oh, fine. She's gone away for a little while and when she comes back I've sort of resolved to really tell her how much I care for her. That's terrific. Don't be afraid to be demonstrative. You're sounding a lot more confident than when we last spoke. +That's terrific. Don't be afraid to be demonstrative. You're sounding a lot more confident than when we last spoke. I am. I'm really feeling pretty good. I have a much stronger sense of how far I've come. +I am. I'm really feeling pretty good. I have a much stronger sense of how far I've come. As long as you keep remembering why. +As long as you keep remembering why. Well, we talked about the whole disapproval thing. +Well, we talked about the whole disapproval thing. The whole disapproval thing. If you allow yourself to get into a situation where someone else's potential disapproval becomes the focal point of your life -- then you're back to a life of fear, aren't you? -- You're a prisoner to that again, and that isn't much of a life. +The whole disapproval thing. If you allow yourself to get into a situation where someone else's potential disapproval becomes the focal point of your life -- then you're back to a life of fear, aren't you? -- You're a prisoner to that again, and that isn't much of a life. I understand that. +I understand that. And please, don't for God's sake misinterpret that as being the voice of discouragement in any way -- +And please, don't for God's sake misinterpret that as being the voice of discouragement in any way -- No, no, no, no. +No, no, no, no. On the contrary -- this is tremendous. I mean, we're all frightened to death of disapproval and we're constantly hiding behind these layers we manufacture for ourselves -- and I'm not saying we should, you know, declare ourselves unhesitatingly to our fellow human beings in the interests of total openness and honesty -- +On the contrary -- this is tremendous. I mean, we're all frightened to death of disapproval and we're constantly hiding behind these layers we manufacture for ourselves -- and I'm not saying we should, you know, declare ourselves unhesitatingly to our fellow human beings in the interests of total openness and honesty -- That would be stupid. +That would be stupid. That would be monumentally stupid. All I'm saying is -- +That would be monumentally stupid. All I'm saying is -- -- a sense of proportion. +-- a sense of proportion. A sense of proportion. +Things are beginning to come to a head. I can feel it. And I want everything to be perfect. Who doesn't? +Who doesn't? I've cultivated her interests so that now we have even more in common than ever. +I've cultivated her interests so that now we have even more in common than ever. Well, now, don't go creating some artificial environment for yourself. +Well, now, don't go creating some artificial environment for yourself. Oh no -- I mean, she's genuinely made me more fulfilled in many ways -- and I hope eventually to be able to teach her a few things, too. What I mean is, I guess I'm still waiting for just that right -- synthesis between us -- where everything will be understood between us without even the need for words. +Oh no -- I mean, she's genuinely made me more fulfilled in many ways -- and I hope eventually to be able to teach her a few things, too. What I mean is, I guess I'm still waiting for just that right -- synthesis between us -- where everything will be understood between us without even the need for words. It's not going to happen unless you make it happen, my friend. You're going to have to assert yourself a little bit more. Show your affection. +It's not going to happen unless you make it happen, my friend. You're going to have to assert yourself a little bit more. Show your affection. Yeah, maybe you're right. Everything else is just an excuse. I'm treating the situation with kid gloves because I'm afraid of losing her. +Yeah, maybe you're right. Everything else is just an excuse. I'm treating the situation with kid gloves because I'm afraid of losing her. Ask her how she feels. +Ask her how she feels. I should. +I should. You have to put yourself out there a bit more. +You have to put yourself out there a bit more. Right. +Right. Because life isn't about playing it safe. Life is about taking risks. +Well, these are good signs -- she's broken up with him and the two of you seem to be developing quite a rapport. I know. I just feel that the relationship has reached that delicate stage where the slightest little thing could wreck the careful groundwork I've laid up till now. +I know. I just feel that the relationship has reached that delicate stage where the slightest little thing could wreck the careful groundwork I've laid up till now. I can't help you if you don't help yourself. It's really up to you. Brooding endlessly isn't going to help matters any. +I can't help you if you don't help yourself. It's really up to you. Brooding endlessly isn't going to help matters any. There's so much I want to say to her, it's all jumbled up in my mind, and I don't want her to misunderstand -- +There's so much I want to say to her, it's all jumbled up in my mind, and I don't want her to misunderstand -- Well, you'll just have to make her understand. +Oh, well, do you fix refrigerators? Sure. +Sure. Well, can I make an appointment? +Well, can I make an appointment? Maybe I could take a look at it now. +Oh, great. Yeah, that was easy. +Yeah, that was easy. Do you do washing machines, too? +Do you do washing machines, too? Just show me the way. +Everything breaks at once. Isn't that always the way? +Isn't that always the way? So, you're just kind of a roving -- +So, you're just kind of a roving -- -- General handyman, yeah. I do carpentry, too, painting, almost any odd job around the house. I do housesitting while the owners are away. In fact, that's why I've been in the area. I've been living very close by. Here's the part that's giving you trouble, but I won't be able to get a replacement till the stores open tomorrow morning. +-- General handyman, yeah. I do carpentry, too, painting, almost any odd job around the house. I do housesitting while the owners are away. In fact, that's why I've been in the area. I've been living very close by. Here's the part that's giving you trouble, but I won't be able to get a replacement till the stores open tomorrow morning. Oh, that's fine. +I apologize for that scene with my husband. You must have overheard. An occupational hazard, I'm afraid. +An occupational hazard, I'm afraid. I bet. Going into people's homes. +I bet. Going into people's homes. It's a living. +Do you have a family? Uh, no -- I've never really found the time to settle down. +Uh, no -- I've never really found the time to settle down. You must value your independence. +You must value your independence. Yeah, I've always been able to make my way in the world. I don't like having to rely on other people. +Yeah, I've always been able to make my way in the world. I don't like having to rely on other people. It's nice that you can make that choice. +It's nice that you can make that choice. I was alone a lot as a child. No one to compete with. My parents ensured that I found happiness in the smallest things. When you're all alone it's your own world, you don't have to take orders from anybody. You don't necessarily believe the stories people tell you. +I was alone a lot as a child. No one to compete with. My parents ensured that I found happiness in the smallest things. When you're all alone it's your own world, you don't have to take orders from anybody. You don't necessarily believe the stories people tell you. Not me, I fell for it right down the line. Be a good girl and believe all the fairy tales. He married me because I was pretty. +Not me, I fell for it right down the line. Be a good girl and believe all the fairy tales. He married me because I was pretty. Because you were pretty? +I was driving by -- I saw all the cars. Are you all right? Yeah, I'm okay -- it's been a long night. +Yeah, I'm okay -- it's been a long night. What happened? +What happened? Can I tell you tomorrow? I think I... +I was thinking about our conversation the other day -- what you said about choices. Uh huh. +Uh huh. Yeah, you know, that in life you really have to choose what you want to do. +Yeah, you know, that in life you really have to choose what you want to do. Listen, I'm sorry, but it's really late -- you don't have to come tomorrow to work on the floor. +Listen, I'm sorry, but it's really late -- you don't have to come tomorrow to work on the floor. It is tomorrow. +Yeah, right -- I really have to go to bed. I think we should talk first. +About what? About us. +About us. Mr. Sykes, I think you should go home. +I found a cent! """Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck!""" +"'""... or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!"" And inside their new house, the three little pigs just laughed -- '" 'Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf, the Big Bad Wolf...' +Hey. Have a nice time -- it's a good school. Bye, Neil! +Baby, what is it? I'm thirsty. +I'm thirsty. Aw, okay. +It's the middle of the night, sweetie. A man scared me. +A man scared me. A man? Was it a dream? +A man? Was it a dream? Uh huh. +Your daddy and I are kind of mad at each other right now, so we have to spend some time apart. Why are you mad at each other? +Why are you mad at each other? You know how sometimes Neil bugs you and you just get up and walk away from him? +You know how sometimes Neil bugs you and you just get up and walk away from him? Uh huh. +Uh huh. Well, that's what happens with grownups, too. +Well, that's what happens with grownups, too. Did Daddy tease you? +Did Daddy tease you? Yes, he did, and I don't like it any more than you do. +Daddy's gone where Rudolf went and isn't coming back! Holly -- that's not so. +"""Hi. I'm Mr. Edgar!"" Look, Mommy, it doesn't even hurt him." Well, what do you want me to do, Rita -- I can't just forget fifteen years of marriage. Well, of course I know you can. No, Rita, I -- what was that? -- oh, I thought I heard something on the line. +Mommy! It's okay, baby, the police are coming. +You've done a really great job with the house. It's great! Yeah. There's still a lot I want to do. It's not quite... the kids aren't really settled in yet. Even the dog has been terribly high-strung and whines a lot since we've been here. Look, he hasn't even come in for his food today. +Yeah. There's still a lot I want to do. It's not quite... the kids aren't really settled in yet. Even the dog has been terribly high-strung and whines a lot since we've been here. Look, he hasn't even come in for his food today. So you don't have anything concrete? +So you don't have anything concrete? No, I told you. A whiff of perfume on his shirt. +No, I told you. A whiff of perfume on his shirt. Have you just plain asked him? +Have you just plain asked him? I've asked him what's wrong. +I've asked him what's wrong. And? +And? The same thing -- his business pressures, the whole move and everything. He's frantic about nailing this new job, worried about screwing over his present boss. +The same thing -- his business pressures, the whole move and everything. He's frantic about nailing this new job, worried about screwing over his present boss. I'm sure that's all it is, honey. Maybe you both just need a vacation. +I'm sure that's all it is, honey. Maybe you both just need a vacation. I've tried to get him to agree to one. I just -- I don't know... I'm getting such weird vibes lately. +I've tried to get him to agree to one. I just -- I don't know... I'm getting such weird vibes lately. Don't drive yourself crazy. It's probably nothing. +Rita, he's only twelve years old, He'll never appreciate it more. +C'mon, kids, let's go. """We don't want to be late for our first day of school.""" +Why can't you just drive me to my old school every morning? Because you'd have to get up at five a.m., would you like that? +Because you'd have to get up at five a.m., would you like that? I could take a cab on the way home. +I could take a cab on the way home. Here, take this out to the table. +Here, take this out to the table. But there's this psycho. Really. Mom, there's a psycho I have to deal with every day. I don't know why they let a psycho even go to school! +Has anyone seen Rudolf? I don't think he came in last night. No, honey, I haven't seen him. Didn't you feed him this morning? +No, honey, I haven't seen him. Didn't you feed him this morning? RUDOLF! +He doesn't have a temperature. I can't help it if my homework is torn to shreds three times a week by someone much bigger than me. +Thank God. I think we got it just in time before the ink dried. +I think we got it just in time before the ink dried. Whew. +Whew. The pocket's a cinch -- I'll sew it up for you after dinner, okay? +The pocket's a cinch -- I'll sew it up for you after dinner, okay? Thanks, Mom. +Neil, you could have burned the house down! I don't know how it started! +Where'd he go? He's staying with a friend. Hurry up now, you'll be late for school. +Neil -- what -- Mom, there's somebody in the house! +Mom, there's somebody in the house! Honey -- +Honey -- Mom, I heard someone downstairs! +Honey, do you want some hot chocolate? No, thanks, Mom -- I'll go up to bed now. +No, thanks, Mom -- I'll go up to bed now. Do you want me to come up and tuck you in? +Do you want me to come up and tuck you in? That's okay, Mom. +Neil, calm down. Neil, don't leave the back doors open -- I don't want Holly near the pool. +Neil, don't leave the back doors open -- I don't want Holly near the pool. We'd have to get one of those sliding covers for the pool. +I hear what you're saying, but I know what you're thinking. What? +What? You're thinking exactly what I thought when I first saw this house, +You're thinking exactly what I thought when I first saw this house, What's that? +What's that? This -- is -- the -- one -- for -- us. +This -- is -- the -- one -- for -- us. Stop knowing me so well. +Stop knowing me so well. I know it's at the high end of our range -- +I know it's at the high end of our range -- High end? Honey, it's a whole new budget. +High end? Honey, it's a whole new budget. But it's what we want. +But it's what we want. You wanted furniture too, didn't you? +You wanted furniture too, didn't you? They don't expect to get what they're asking. Let's make an offer. +They don't expect to get what they're asking. Let's make an offer. You want me to bargain at the high end of our range? -- I'll have a stroke. I've got to save all my sweat for my meeting in three weeks. +You want me to bargain at the high end of our range? -- I'll have a stroke. I've got to save all my sweat for my meeting in three weeks. You could have a pool to cool off in. +You could have a pool to cool off in. It's a nice pool, isn't it? +It's a nice pool, isn't it? And it's a shorter commute. +And it's a shorter commute. It'll be even shorter if I get that new job. Come on. +What if someone else buys it in the meantime? Honey, nobody buys a house overnight -- if someone else comes back at them, well, we might have to make a counter offer. But we can't look too eager or we'll get screwed. +We're going to think about it. It's very nice, but it's still a little pricey for us. +How were we -- were we cool? "Paul Newman in ""The Hustler.""" +"Paul Newman in ""The Hustler.""" Good -- that's what I was trying to project. +Now, Neil. Stop teasing your sister. Damn. +Did you hear that? What? +What? Did you hear what he said? +Did you hear what he said? What? +What? He made, you know, a remark. +He made, you know, a remark. Honey, are you okay? +Honey, are you okay? -- And keep my kids away from his property -- who the hell does he think he is? Some nice neighborhood. +-- And keep my kids away from his property -- who the hell does he think he is? Some nice neighborhood. Honey, the meeting today is going to be fine. Don't get in an uproar. +Honey, the meeting today is going to be fine. Don't get in an uproar. I know. It's just having to pass muster with these juniors before the senior partner even agrees to see me. +I know. It's just having to pass muster with these juniors before the senior partner even agrees to see me. It's just a dumb game they play. You want to be at a bigger firm, get used to the politics. +How was lunch? Huh? +Huh? How was your lunch with Charlie? +How was your lunch with Charlie? Oh -- great. +Oh -- great. Well, did he hear anything about your prospects for the new job? +Well, did he hear anything about your prospects for the new job? No. If I hear anything you'll be the first to know, all right? +Do you remember who gave us this? No. +No. There's no card or anything. +I hear things in this house, All new houses have noises. +All new houses have noises. How long does it have to be a new house? +How long does it have to be a new house? One day before we know it it'll be an old house and we'll be old in it -- and I'll still be paying for it. +One day before we know it it'll be an old house and we'll be old in it -- and I'll still be paying for it. Neil's still having a bad time at school. I feel terrible seeing him so upset all the time. +Neil's still having a bad time at school. I feel terrible seeing him so upset all the time. He's made some friends, hasn't he? +I mean, he's a smart kid, he'll get by -- he takes after me. You're too sensitive. I know someone else who's sensitive. +Yeah, I guess it would be good for us to get away for a while. Maybe Rudolf got the same idea. Dogs need a change of scene, too, from time to time. Someone nice will find him if he gets lost. +No, I'm not kidding you, Philip. What next?! -- A strange bra under my pillow! +I remember what day you wore that jacket. It was Monday. The day you were all day in meetings again? And had to send out for sandwiches? Honey, you know what I've been like lately... I've been a total zombie. I have no idea what that was doing in my pocket. +Honey, you know what I've been like lately... I've been a total zombie. I have no idea what that was doing in my pocket. Well, what about these? Do you usually put your carbons in your pocket, too?! +Sweetheart, this is a very risky time for me right now. Maybe you don't appreciate that. I don't care, Philip. You want to go chasing Barbara Zelman, go ahead. Just watch out for those buck teeth. +I don't care, Philip. You want to go chasing Barbara Zelman, go ahead. Just watch out for those buck teeth. Barbara Zelman? I don't believe this! +Barbara Zelman? I don't believe this! "Do you usually pay for Charlie? At ""Trattoria Valentino""?" +"Do you usually pay for Charlie? At ""Trattoria Valentino""?" Honey, I can't track of all the meals Charlie and I have been having. This is a delicate time. If it leaks out that I'm jumping ship before I'm set up someplace else I could be out on my ear before I'm ready with nothing. With nothing. +Honey, I can't track of all the meals Charlie and I have been having. This is a delicate time. If it leaks out that I'm jumping ship before I'm set up someplace else I could be out on my ear before I'm ready with nothing. With nothing. There are people who do things because they want to get caught. +Who told you that -- someone on the radio? Fuck you, Philip. +I thought we'd be happy here. Honey, I'm sorry, I think the vacation will be a good break for both of us. You'll see. +The cab's waiting! Where should I hide the car keys? +Where should I hide the car keys? I don't know -- put 'em in the drawer with all the Chinese take- away menus. +I don't know -- put 'em in the drawer with all the Chinese take- away menus. Did you lock the garage door? +Did the cleaning woman come? Yeah -- she did a good job. This glass looks brand-new. +The floor has a nice shine to it. Oh God -- we have twenty-two messages on the machine. Did she water this plant? It looks a little bent out of shape. +He wants to see me! Philip! The senior partner? +Philip! The senior partner? His secretary just confirmed. +His secretary just confirmed. Oh baby. +What -- what are you doing? I think you should feel like dancing at a time like this. +I think you should feel like dancing at a time like this. C'mon. +Honey? How did it go? You didn't call me. He wasn't there. +He wasn't there. What? +I get to the restaurant and he's not there. I waited for forty- five minutes. When I called his office, his secretary said they thought I had cancelled. I had cancelled! Then I get back to my office and Aranson is waiting for me and he knows everything. Oh, honey. +Oh, honey. Everything -- that I've been talking to other people behind his back -- that's what he called me -- a back-stabber and a deceiver. To him and to the company. He called me a traitor in front of everybody and told me if I wanted to be a VP over at Lowenthal I might as well pack up and go -- only Lowenthal never showed up for our lunch! It's like everybody got an anonymous poison-pen letter or some -- Do you smell smoke? +Honey -- I can't find those large- size Hefty trash bags! There might be some extras in the garage. +Honey, it's not the end of the world. You'll call Lowenthal tomorrow and find out it was just a mix-up. And if he's not interested anymore, then you'll find another company to go to maybe even your own. You are free now, you are independent. I'm fired. I'm unemployed. Is that your idea of negotiating from a position of strength? Clearly any potential employers have been warned to back off! +I'm fired. I'm unemployed. Is that your idea of negotiating from a position of strength? Clearly any potential employers have been warned to back off! That's not the case. +That's not the case. Someone blew the whistle. Someone hates me. +Boy, you really buckle under a little pressure, don't you? This is for the best, you know it is. Why do my socks keep disappearing! +This is for the best, you know it is. Why do my socks keep disappearing! """Honey, I'm a zombie, I don't know whether I'm coming or going.""" +You're even sadder and more burnt- out than I thought. I am so sick to death of hearing your opinion of my state of mind, what you think is for my own good. Without me you'd still be twirling a baton at U.C. Santa Barbara. You're the final straw on this back, baby! +Who was that? I'm having the floor fixed, +I'm having the floor fixed, And what was that neighbor guy doing here? +And what was that neighbor guy doing here? Philip, what are you doing here? +Philip, what are you doing here? Look, I think we should work things out. +I was having a bad day -- I lost that job, I was dependent on other people, I was let down -- There's always an excuse, isn't there? +There's always an excuse, isn't there? I think it's time I came home now. +I think it's time I came home now. That's not a decision for you to make on your own. +What? No, Philip, I don't want you coming back here. And if you want to talk to me -- call. +No, Philip, I don't want you coming back here. And if you want to talk to me -- call. This is my house. +Oh God. Yeah -- we know him. He's been hanging around the house. +Should I come home when I'm finished there? We'll talk in the morning. +It's been on the market a while, hasn't it? Not very long. There have been a couple of bids already. +Not very long. There have been a couple of bids already. Because it caught my eye when it was in a higher price bracket in the listings. +Because it caught my eye when it was in a higher price bracket in the listings. Oh, yes, well, you know, when developers remodel a house they often overestimate their costs at first. It's not like it's been marked down or anything. +Oh, yes, well, you know, when developers remodel a house they often overestimate their costs at first. It's not like it's been marked down or anything. Just reduced. +Just reduced. Sometimes they prefer a quicker return on their investment. +Sometimes they prefer a quicker return on their investment. This is a terrific entrance hall, What a welcoming feeling. +This is a terrific entrance hall, What a welcoming feeling. Isn't it? +You'll see that there's really much more space than the average three bedroom. Oh, space! -- You said the right thing. +Oh, space! -- You said the right thing. How large is your brood? +How large is your brood? Two -- three if you count the husband. +Two -- three if you count the husband. We must always count the husband. By my count there've been... four. But I still live in hope. +God, your sister's really hot. Shut up. +Let's follow 'em. What for, dickweed? +What for, dickweed? It's fun. +It's fun. Grow up, Dreyer. +Shit! Put it out, man! +Are we gonna buy this house? Do you have enough money? +Dad, we can't decide unless Rudolf gets to look too! Would you mind if Rudolf had a look too? +Okay! We have TV! We can all get stupid again! What about cable? +What about cable? We'll get cable when the cable company is good and ready -- you think you can survive till then? +We'll get cable when the cable company is good and ready -- you think you can survive till then? No. +All right, who ate the last piece of cheesecake? I didn't. +Neil, do you mind? Rudolf? C'mere, Rudolf! +All right then, if I have to go to school then I'd better go. "Why? I just read your report card. What's the point? Stay home, watch some television, we'll get ""Mad"" magazine delivered. What kind of report card do you call this?!" +"Why? I just read your report card. What's the point? Stay home, watch some television, we'll get ""Mad"" magazine delivered. What kind of report card do you call this?!" I've been going through a lot of personal crap, all right? +I've been going through a lot of personal crap, all right? Oh really? You've been going through a lot of personal crap. You, Princess Di and Madonna? +If you want that baseball jacket for your birthday, Neil, learn to cough a little more realistically. I have a cold. +I have a cold. What did the thermometer say? +What did the thermometer say? The thermometer's broken. +Y'know what? I'm ready to cancel our trip. I really am. I've had it. And I can't help having a cold. +And I can't help having a cold. What d'you want me to do, Neil? I've told you we'll get another dog. What does EVERYONE want me to do? You want to move back? Huh? Would you like that? Should we all just pack up again and MOVE BACK?! +Hiya, sport. Where'd you come from, huh? Can we keep him? +A man started the fire. Neil, goddamn it, you're not five years old! +You knew a second ago. Who started it? -- A man. +Do you see a man? No. +No. No man! Go to your room. +I thought I was supposed to stay in my room. Get on the other side of that. +And this -- is the master bedroom. Oh yeah? Where's the bed? +Oh yeah? Where's the bed? Right over here. +Is it a king or a queen? It's a double. +It's a double. Even better. +Even better. Even cosier. +Even cosier. That's right -- you got the bill this morning. I put it on your desk. +That's right -- you got the bill this morning. I put it on your desk. Thank you -- how efficient of you. +Promise? Promise. +I'd like that. Would you? +Would you? Uh huh. +Really? Really. +What the hell. What is this? A joke? No joke, Lieutenant. +No joke, Lieutenant. Where's the guy we saw in the beginning -- what's his name...? +Where's the guy we saw in the beginning -- what's his name...? Parker. We found him knocked out in the can. +Parker. We found him knocked out in the can. If he was knocked out in the can how could be walking across the lobby? +Hey, I don't have answers for this. I just brought you down here because of the sword. Am I supposed to believe that this guy got shot in the chest six times at point blank range and just got up and walked out? +Am I supposed to believe that this guy got shot in the chest six times at point blank range and just got up and walked out? You can believe what you want. You saw the tape. +Lieutenant Bedsoe? Not now. I'm busy. +Lieutenant? What? Who are you? What do you want? +What? Who are you? What do you want? My name is Jennifer Hillman. I'm an archaeologist. I read in the paper about the murder yesterday and I thought I should come talk to you. +My name is Jennifer Hillman. I'm an archaeologist. I read in the paper about the murder yesterday and I thought I should come talk to you. Talk to me about what? +What do you think? They appear to be authentic. +They appear to be authentic. Why are people walking around New York with swords, dressed in mid evil clothing? +Why are people walking around New York with swords, dressed in mid evil clothing? Well, technically it's not mid evil - - it's Renaissance. +You didn't see this. Understand? Yes. +Did you find a sword? An old sword? Yeah -- how'd you know that? +Hey Lieutenant, the boys in robbery have something I think you should look at. What is it? +What is it? A tape from the surveillance camera at the First National Bank. It was robbed this morning. +A tape from the surveillance camera at the First National Bank. It was robbed this morning. Really? I want to make sure that I understand what you're telling me, Greley. A crime was committed in New York City? That is news. +Really? I want to make sure that I understand what you're telling me, Greley. A crime was committed in New York City? That is news. The guy had a sword and was dressed like this guy. +That's not all, Lieutenant. Wait until you see the tape. It's unbelievable. I'd like you to see this. +Good -- also, give it to the papers and TV. Y'know, the guys in robbery are gonna get kind of upset. We're stepping on their toes of this one. +Y'know, the guys in robbery are gonna get kind of upset. We're stepping on their toes of this one. Tough. +Tough. It's not a homicide, Lieutenant. +It's not a homicide, Lieutenant. This ties in with Nash. +This ties in with Nash. We don't have any proof of that. +We don't have any proof of that. I don't need proof. I know it. Send it out. +Anything from the bank? We sent the prints we lifted from the counter at the bank to the State computers, the FBI and interpol. Nothing. +We sent the prints we lifted from the counter at the bank to the State computers, the FBI and interpol. Nothing. He had to come from somewhere. +He had to come from somewhere. I think it was England. +I think it was England. Why? +I asked the State Department to check with our Embassies and Interpol to see if there were any similar occurrences like the bank. Two weeks ago in London Charles Redder from the Bronx was mugged in Hyde Park. So? +I'm in the middle of an interrogation, Captain. Interrogation's over, Bedsoe. +Interrogation's over, Bedsoe. What? +What? Cut him loose. The D.A. says you ain't got shit on this guy. +Cut him loose. The D.A. says you ain't got shit on this guy. You don't understand. About seven years ago we found the body of a guy named Vasilnic in Jersey. A week later in the parking lot of Madison Square Garden we found Iman Fasil. Three days after that Luman Castageer was found in an alley. The fourth body we've never been able to identify. All four men died from decapitation. Nash was our primary suspect -- but he disappeared. +You don't understand. About seven years ago we found the body of a guy named Vasilnic in Jersey. A week later in the parking lot of Madison Square Garden we found Iman Fasil. Three days after that Luman Castageer was found in an alley. The fourth body we've never been able to identify. All four men died from decapitation. Nash was our primary suspect -- but he disappeared. It's circumstantial. +For Chrissake! Gimme a break. The guy disappears for seven years and as soon as he comes back it starts again. I see your point, Bedsoe, but I have to look at this from the law's point of view. There's something missing here. It's something I'm sure you've come across many times in your career. It's called evidence. Get me a murder weapon with his fingerprints on it. Find me an eye witness. Dig up a motive. Until then we don't have a case against him. +Detective Bedsoe. Lieutenant. +Lieutenant. Congratulations. +When did you get back? A few days ago. +A few days ago. That's what I figured. Well, I have a little home coming present for you. +Where were you last night around nine? I already told you. I took a walk. +I already told you. I took a walk. Tell me again. Where'd you go? +Tell me again. Where'd you go? Central Park. +Central Park. Doesn't it scare you walk through the park at night? +Doesn't it scare you walk through the park at night? No. I don't scare easy. +No. I don't scare easy. Where have you been for the last seven years? +Where have you been for the last seven years? Around. +Around. And Brenda? +She was a good woman. You didn't bring me here to talk about her. +You didn't bring me here to talk about her. No. +I brought you here to talk about him. Do you know him? No. +No. You sure? +You sure? He doesn't look familiar -- but then he'd probably be easier to identity with his head. +I'm gonna nail you, Nash. That's a promise. Is that it? +No. I'm telling you right now, the next person's head that comes off is gonna be yours. Lieutenant, you're really frightening me. +Lieutenant, you're really frightening me. Get outta here. +Good evening, Lieutenant. No -- it isn't. A cop died today and the other is barely holding on. I want some answers, Nash. +No -- it isn't. A cop died today and the other is barely holding on. I want some answers, Nash. I'm sorry about that -- but I had nothing to do with it. +I'm sorry about that -- but I had nothing to do with it. That doesn't mean you don't know what's going on. You're connected to this guy somehow. He's after you -- just like the others were. +That doesn't mean you don't know what's going on. You're connected to this guy somehow. He's after you -- just like the others were. It's late. +Seven years ago I interviewed a guy. He said he saw two men fighting in an alley with swords. One cut off the others head. He shot the surviving guy twenty times and he got right back up and stabbed him. Maybe he was a lousy shot. +Most people would show some sign of fear with a gun in their face. Most people are afraid of death. +Yes -- I think it is. Hey -- somebody want to gimme a hand here? +You'll have no need for that, Highlander. Since we hardly know each other, I'm sure you'll understand if I hold one to it for awhile. +Since we hardly know each other, I'm sure you'll understand if I hold one to it for awhile. Caution shows wisdom. +I know that weapon. It belonged to Juan Romeriz. He's dead? Aye. +You? No. He was my brother. He died at anothers hand. +No. He was my brother. He died at anothers hand. We too are brothers, Macleod. In fact, you have more family than you think. +We too are brothers, Macleod. In fact, you have more family than you think. Who are you? +Who are you? Thomas Cavenaugh. I am a teacher of sorts. Like Romeriz I help those newly acquainted with our life. +Thomas Cavenaugh. I am a teacher of sorts. Like Romeriz I help those newly acquainted with our life. I learned my fill from Romeriz. +I learned my fill from Romeriz. Indeed you did. And now it is time for you to pass on to others what you learned from him. +The prize? So much blood so that in the end the one that remains will be mortal again. So much pain so that the winner can grow old and have children. The prize hardly seems worth the cost of it. There will be more to the prize than that. Power will come with it -- and it must be used for good. +There will be more to the prize than that. Power will come with it -- and it must be used for good. The days of magic are ending. The world is changing. +The days of magic are ending. The world is changing. Aye -- yet one such as I who has wandered this world for nearly nine centuries can remember back to other days of change. Days of Robin of the Hood and Arthur Pendragon. They were real enough once, but they drifted into men's dreams and became legend - - as we shall do one day. +You cannot run from your destiny, Conner. Perhaps -- but if I must face it, let it find me, for I shall search for it no more. +Must you do that? What? +What? Sing. +Sing. It is a beautiful day. I am merely enjoying it. +It is a beautiful day. I am merely enjoying it. Can't you enjoy it quietly? +Can't you enjoy it quietly? Are you always this pleasant? You know what you're problem is? +Are you always this pleasant? You know what you're problem is? You? +Life. You've stopped living it. You look, but you do not see. You listen but, you do not hear. I hear you. +I hear you. What else? What else do you hear right now? +The river. That's all? +That's all? Yes. +Do you not hear the wind in the trees? The songs of the birds. The horses breath? There is a whole world around you. Alive. Living. Feel it -- become part of it. Live your life, Highlander. It's going to be a long one. That is what bothers me. +That is what bothers me. I see. You don't care about life anymore. +I'm leaving. Leaving what? +Leaving what? England. There is nothing for me here anymore. +England. There is nothing for me here anymore. And what do you think you will find in another land? +And what do you think you will find in another land? Maybe myself. +Maybe myself. Then it's worth the journey. +Thank you, Thomas. For what? +For being a friend when I needed one. I hope our paths cross again. I'm sure they will. +I'm sure they will. As friends -- always as friends. +As friends -- always as friends. We cannot write our destiny, Macleod. In the end it could be you and me. +We cannot write our destiny, Macleod. In the end it could be you and me. That is a thought that doesn't please me. +That is a thought that doesn't please me. If it came down to it what would you do? +If it came down to it what would you do? I do not know. I pray that I shall never have to raise my sword against one that I call friend. +You're looking a wee bit green, Thomas. The sea and I don't agree with each other. Where we off to? +The sea and I don't agree with each other. Where we off to? France. +France. How long is the voyage? +How long is the voyage? Not long. We should arrive in the morning. Are you going to be alright? +Not long. We should arrive in the morning. Are you going to be alright? Me? Of course. +What are we doing here? Living. Remember? +Living. Remember? You may be living -- but this suit is killing me. +To ask her to dance. She's the King's cousin. +She's the King's cousin. Then she should be an excellent dancer. +Yes. What worries you? +What worries you? You. +You've been seeing her for over a month now. Have you learned nothing from the past? I've learned that a man can only go so along living alone. +I've learned that a man can only go so along living alone. So, you do this for yourself? What about her? You cannot not have a relationship, Macleod. You've told me of your wife, Heather, and how you loved her. Romeriz warned you then, but you would not listen. You watched her grow old and die -- and there was nothing you could do. +That was two hundred and fifty years ago -- and the pain still scars your heart. Would you live that pain again? No. What am I to do? +No. What am I to do? The only thing you can do. You must end it. +Well? It's done. +I'll go first. No -- I will. +No -- I will. I stood up first. +I stood up first. That doesn't matter. +That doesn't matter. You always get to go first. +You can go first. No -- after you. +It will be a good harvest this year. Can you really tell from doing that? +Can you really tell from doing that? What do you think? +What do you think? I think you just like to eat dirt. +I think my Sarah fancies you, Conner. She's a treasure she is. +She's a treasure she is. She'll soon be of age. +Your words are kind and they flatter me -- but I think of her as a sister. Besides, you hardly know me. I know that for six months you've worked hard and asked for little. That you're a good and honest man. What more need I know? +This cannot be. It is. Do not ask me how. I do not know. I must leave, for if I stayed others would surely hear of this and worse than they will come. +It is. Do not ask me how. I do not know. I must leave, for if I stayed others would surely hear of this and worse than they will come. Agreed. +Agreed. I would like to say goodbye. +I would like to say goodbye. How? +How comes it your are not afraid? Would'st you harm one who comes to aid you? +I've come to strike a bargain with you. I wish to learn the power of changing. And what would'st I gain from this bargain? +And what would'st I gain from this bargain? Your life. +Your life. How? +We had a bargain. You promised. I lied. +Aye? Where do you go when your mind drifts? +Where do you go when your mind drifts? Different places. +Different places. The past? +The past? Sometimes. +Sometimes. Why is it you never talk to me about Scotland -- your life there. +Why is it you never talk to me about Scotland -- your life there. Because it's the past -- and things that are in the past are best left there. +I cannot stay. Why not? +Why not? I'm leaving in the morning. +Leaving? For how long? You'll no see me again. +Why? I cannot explain. +I cannot explain. Do you love me, Conner? +Do you love me, Conner? Aye. +Aye. Then take me with you. +Then take me with you. Where I'm going you cannot follow. +Where I'm going you cannot follow. Why are you doing this? +Why are you doing this? Because, it's for the best. There are somethings that are better left unexplained. +Electro magnetic soundings indicate we've only got a few inches of rock left before we reach the main chamber. Any idea how big the cavern is on the other side? +Any idea how big the cavern is on the other side? Huge. +Huge. What are you hoping to find inside? +You guys are from the British museum, right? No -- we're from Strange facts and mysteries. It's a syndicated show out of.. +No -- we're from Strange facts and mysteries. It's a syndicated show out of.. Paul. I thought we agreed. No press. +My name is Jennifer Hillman. I was at the police station earlier today-- I remember you. +I remember you. I was wondering if I could talk to you? +I was wondering if I could talk to you? Are you a cop? +Are you a cop? No. I'm an archaeologist. +No. I'm an archaeologist. What do you want? +What do you want? To talk to you. +To talk to you. I don't think we have anything to talk about, Miss Hillman. +Corpses? Yes. We found another man outside a site we were working at in Scotland. +Yes. We found another man outside a site we were working at in Scotland. In the highlands? +Yes. How did you know? A lucky guess. +A lucky guess. I don't think so -- but then, maybe you've can guess how a guy with a sword could rob the First national Bank this afternoon -- and get shot six times in the chest by the guard and still get up and walk out? +I don't think so -- but then, maybe you've can guess how a guy with a sword could rob the First national Bank this afternoon -- and get shot six times in the chest by the guard and still get up and walk out? He was wearing a bullet proof vest. +He was wearing a bullet proof vest. Bullet proof vests don't bleed. +Bullet proof vests don't bleed. You got me. +You got me. Why do I feel that you know what's going on? +Why do I feel that you know what's going on? Are you the type of person who takes advice, Miss Hillman? +Are you the type of person who takes advice, Miss Hillman? If it's good advice. +If it's good advice. This is. Go home. Stay out of this. +This is. Go home. Stay out of this. Why? What's going on? +Where did you get it? It's mine. It's been in my family for years. It belonged to my great, great, great grandmother. +You're hurt. I'll be fine. +I'll be fine. What's going on? Why did he call you Macleod? +What's going on? Why did he call you Macleod? Because it's my name. +Because it's my name. Then who's Russell Nash? +Then who's Russell Nash? I don't know anymore. +You are a very persistent woman, Miss Hillman. Jennifer. +Why do you stare at me like that? You remind me of someone I used to know. +I don't have any answers for you. Who was that man last night? +Who was that man last night? I don't know. +I don't know. Then how did he know your name? +Do you always walk around with a sword? New York is dangerous place. +New York is dangerous place. You talk to me -- but you don't answer my questions. I guess I'll have to talk to Lieutenant Bedsoe. +You talk to me -- but you don't answer my questions. I guess I'll have to talk to Lieutenant Bedsoe. About what? +About what? It probably wouldn't interest you. It's something I read in a mythology book. +It probably wouldn't interest you. It's something I read in a mythology book. I'm interested in mythology. +I'm interested in mythology. Have you ever heard of the Calan? +No. You look like you have. +Yes. Meet me Tratino's at nine. +Meet me Tratino's at nine. Why? +Why? I told you I'm interested in mythology. We can talk about it more. +Good evening. You're twenty minutes late. +You're twenty minutes late. Sorry. +You didn't answer my question. I know. +You have an interesting accent. Where are you from? Why? +I'm just trying to place you. I've lived all over the world. +You're not an easy person to get to know. Why? Because I don't give up all my secrets? +Why? Because I don't give up all my secrets? How come you wanted to meet tonight? +How come you wanted to meet tonight? I wanted to get to know you better. +That makes you uncomfortable? A little -- yes. My interest in coming here is profession. +A little -- yes. My interest in coming here is profession. Is it? +Is it? Yes -- it is. +Yes -- it is. Alright. In the shop you mentioned something about-- +Alright. In the shop you mentioned something about-- --the Calan. Do you know who they are? +--the Calan. Do you know who they are? Why don't you tell me. +Have you told Lieutenant Bedsoe your theory? No. +No. Why not? +Why not? Because I don't feel like sitting in a rubber room for forty-eight hours. +Because I don't feel like sitting in a rubber room for forty-eight hours. You don't really believe this do you? +Let me ask you something else. At the excavation site in Scotland, the tunnel leading into the cavern had collapsed. The day we found the body someone had moved the rocks, making a hole in the collapsed section. What bothers me is that we found the rocks from the hole on our side of the tunnel wall. So? +So? Why would someone pull on the rocks to get in the cavern? They were wedged in tight. They couldn't get a grip on them. They would have had much more strength pushing on them. +Why would someone pull on the rocks to get in the cavern? They were wedged in tight. They couldn't get a grip on them. They would have had much more strength pushing on them. If they pushed the rocks you would have found them on the other side of the cavern wall. +If they pushed the rocks you would have found them on the other side of the cavern wall. Yes -- if they were trying to get in -- but what if they weren't? What if they were trying to get out? +That would mean they'd been trapped in there-- --for three hundred years. +--for three hundred years. How could that be? People don't live for three hundred years. +How could that be? People don't live for three hundred years. Not unless they're immortal. +Would you like to see it? I've seen it. +I've seen it. On the back it has-- +On the back it has-- --the crest of a lion and a dragon and a single word: Courage. +--the crest of a lion and a dragon and a single word: Courage. How did you know that? +It came from your great, great, great grandmother, Isabelle Tourez, who lived in Paris and died on the guillotine in 1789 -- alone -- and unmarried. The ring was given to her by someone who loved her -- but knew that it could never be. You? +You wanted the truth -- now you have it. And the other one -- he is like you? +And the other one -- he is like you? He is immortal -- yes -- but he is not like me. We are the last of our kind. The last of the Calans. I do not know what purpose we were put here for. I only know that if he wins the world will suffer for it. +Where will you go now? It will end tonight. +It will end tonight. Must you fight him? +Must you fight him? He will not stop until it is over. +He's in there! Get out. +Be careful, Conner. Conner? +What now? Now I can start to live. To feel. To grow old and live each day without the promise of another. +Now I can start to live. To feel. To grow old and live each day without the promise of another. Sounds very -- normal. +Just a little. Who knows what we're going to find in there. It could be a huge excavation. A little friendly PR never hurt. Where is the film crew from the British Museum? +Where is the film crew from the British Museum? They've had a little car trouble. I'm afraid they won't be here until after dark. +They've had a little car trouble. I'm afraid they won't be here until after dark. Then we shouldn't break into the cavern until tomorrow morning. This could be a very important find. I want it documented. +We're holding the workers down below. Why? +Why? Someone broke into the cavern last night. +Someone broke into the cavern last night. What? How? +He's fine. He swears he never left his post for a moment. He heard a noise and when he went back to look they were already inside. How could they get by him? +How could they get by him? I don't know. +We found him this morning. What's that next to him? +What's that next to him? His head. Someone cut it off. +Incredible. The cloth -- the buttons -- it looks to be mid sixteen hundreds. It's a remarkable duplication. I don't think it is a duplication. +I don't think it is a duplication. It has to be. +It has to be. And this? +You stayed here again last night? I was working on the cataloging. +I was working on the cataloging. Jennifer, there is more to life than work. +Jennifer, there is more to life than work. I know, Paul. +Do you? Then why don't you go out? Meet someone. Make a life for yourself instead of hiding away in the past? I like my work. +I like my work. I'm having some people over tonight for dinner -- I'd like you come. +I'm having some people over tonight for dinner -- I'd like you come. We'll see. +It flatters me you remember, old one. It's been what... two hundred years? It's not been long enough. What witchcraft is this? +Impressive -- is it not? The problem is I can only keep the illusion for a few minutes. I need more power to hold the form longer. I need the Highlander. Where is he? I do not know -- and even if I did... +I do not know -- and even if I did... I know. I know-- you would not tell me. Loyalty -- it really is a concept that eludes me. Oh well -- I shall find him. Time is on my side. +Oh -- I almost forgot. Your head. It does not come off as easily as the young ones. +It does not come off as easily as the young ones. Perhaps -- but it comes off none the less. +Highlander -- I had hoped it would be you. This cannot be. +I am stronger than you, Highlander. That's what the Kurgan said. +That's what the Kurgan said. The Kurgan was a pussy. +Fine -- I've waited over three centuries. I can wait a little longer. Why did you wait? +Why did you wait? It was not by choice. A small matter of a mountain falling down on us. We were trapped inside. When the time of the Gathering came the urge to go was so strong we tried to claw through rock with our bare hands. What you thought was the end -- was not. This is the end. We are the last of our kind, Macleod. +It was not by choice. A small matter of a mountain falling down on us. We were trapped inside. When the time of the Gathering came the urge to go was so strong we tried to claw through rock with our bare hands. What you thought was the end -- was not. This is the end. We are the last of our kind, Macleod. It will not end tonight. +It will not end tonight. You cannot hide from me. You will not stand between me and my destiny. After I have your head the power will let me hold any form as long as I want. Do you know what that means? I can become the President -- I can become anyone I want. The world will be mine. +You know it's not safe here for you. I know. +I know. The police still have a lot of questions for Russell Nash. +The police still have a lot of questions for Russell Nash. I can take care of myself. +It isn't over, is it, Conner? No. +No. How can that be? +How can that be? I don't know. +Is there anything else you need? No -- I'm fine. Thank you. +I'm glad you've come home, Conner. Me too. +Would you care for some water, Conner? Aye -- that I would, lass. +Don't leave us, Conner. It's not for me to decide. +Don't cry, wee one. It's a better place I go to. I love you, Conner. +I love you, Conner. Aye -- I know, Las -- and I have never loved anyone more. +Aye -- I know, Las -- and I have never loved anyone more. I'll no forget you. +I'll no forget you. And I you. Go now. Let me walk to heavens door alone. +You kept it? Yes. +What are you doing? I shouldn't have come back here. It was a mistake. +I shouldn't have come back here. It was a mistake. Is it a mistake for someone to go to the ones who love them when they're in trouble? +Is it a mistake for someone to go to the ones who love them when they're in trouble? Yes -- when their troubles can harm them. +Yes -- when their troubles can harm them. Why won't you ever let anyone help you? +I heard voices downstairs. Is everything alright? Fine. +Fine. What will you do? +What will you do? There's nothing I can do. I'll wait. One way or another soon it will all be over soon. +I could have ended it tonight, but I didn't. Why? +Why? I don't know. He is the stronger one. He has a power-- +I don't know. He is the stronger one. He has a power-- You also have a power, Conner. It is why you have survived. +Do not underestimate the power of your heart. Your dreams live there. My dreams died long ago. +My dreams died long ago. Did they? You are only a man, different than most -- but still a man. You feel the same -- want the same. You want to live. +Did they? You are only a man, different than most -- but still a man. You feel the same -- want the same. You want to live. I haven't lived life -- I've hidden from it. I've existed in the shadows. +I haven't lived life -- I've hidden from it. I've existed in the shadows. And now it's time to come out of the shadows. +Dear, sweet, Rachel. Men's lifes are measured by the good they do. If you search your heart you know all the good you have done. Your strength comes from your heart -- because in your heart you know what you are fighting for is good and just. This room is filled with memories. If you search through them you can find the good -- the difference you have made. And now, it is for you to make the greatest difference of all. Look in your heart, Conner -- and you will see the good that you have done. +Good afternoon, Mr. Parker. Good afternoon... ... Shirley. +Good afternoon... ... Shirley. Would you like to deposit this in your account? +Would you like to deposit this in your account? No. The money, please. +No. The money, please. This check is for sixteen thousand dollars. That's a lot of cash to be carrying around. +This check is for sixteen thousand dollars. That's a lot of cash to be carrying around. I can take care of myself. +I can take care of myself. Alright. It's going to take a few minutes. I have to call and verify the funds. +Mike! Mike, can you hear me? I think he's dead! +I think he's dead! Don't shout, Larry. I'm three feet away. +The house belongs to Walter and Pamela Smith. They've got two kids, a girl about fifteen and a boy younger, Jennifer and Thomas. That would be the girl who opened the door. Are the others inside? +That would be the girl who opened the door. Are the others inside? The mother is in Florida visiting her sister. The father works at home, so he's probably inside. +Call the Palmdale City Attorney for a telephonic search warrant. When you get the warrant, have Mikkelson and Dreyer search his house. Yes, sir. +Wow. Sure, right away, Chief. Don't tell anyone what you're doing, not Louise, not the other guys, not the Sheriffs. You understand me, Larry? +Don't tell anyone what you're doing, not Louise, not the other guys, not the Sheriffs. You understand me, Larry? I guess so. +I guess so. Fuck guessing. You keep your mouth shut. +Fuck guessing. You keep your mouth shut. I will, Chief. Absolutely. +I will, Chief. Absolutely. Get to work. +Talley. It's me, Chief. Can you talk? +What'd you find out? The cell phone is registered to a jewelry store in Beverly Hills. The phone company shows no unusual -- +The cell phone is registered to a jewelry store in Beverly Hills. The phone company shows no unusual -- Dead end--it's a clone. What about the Mustang? +Dead end--it's a clone. What about the Mustang? It was stolen. +You get anything on Smith? Chief...it's like none of this exists. I'm sorry. +Chief...it's like none of this exists. I'm sorry. Keep trying. +The house is in flames, Benza's accountant is with the cops, and they're stacking the bodies like cordwood. Jesus Christ, it's a clusterfuck. +Jesus Christ, it's a clusterfuck. You wanted to let Sonny handle it. I would've moved in when we first found out. +And by doing so, he would've known we have spies in his organization. Yes, sir. But what about the disks? If the cops end up with the disks, we're gonna see a whole lot of heat. +Yes, sir. But what about the disks? If the cops end up with the disks, we're gonna see a whole lot of heat. I hate that Mickey Mouse bastard. I hated his father, and I hate Sonny, too. Always with the tan. +I hate that Mickey Mouse bastard. I hated his father, and I hate Sonny, too. Always with the tan. What do you want to do? +What do you want to do? Our people out there, they good people? People in the right place? +Our people out there, they good people? People in the right place? The best. +The best. Sonny's a fuckup. If he pulls this off, fine--life goes on. But if the cops end up with those disks, we cut our losses. +Sonny's a fuckup. If he pulls this off, fine--life goes on. But if the cops end up with those disks, we cut our losses. I understand. +I understand. I want a message sent: No fuckups allowed. +I want a message sent: No fuckups allowed. I'll make the call. +Worst case, it's a bloodbath. The detectives come out with Smith's computer, and we go directly to jail, do not pass Go. Maybe Glen already picked up the disks. +Maybe Glen already picked up the disks. I took the call from Glen personally. They're still in Smith's house. +You should warn them, Sonny. Fuck them! Now get your head in the game, Phil--we have to handle this. +Put our people on the scene. Smith might talk just to cut a break for his kids. He knows better than that. +He knows better than that. Bullshit--a man will do anything to save his family. Who's running the show up there? +Find out how we can hurt him. By the end of the day, I want to own him. It's happening right now. +Maybe we're getting too dramatic. It's three kids. They'll give up, the cops will arrest them, and that's that. Why would they search the house? You think we should take that chance? +You think we should take that chance? I guess not. +I guess not. I guess not, too. How much information is in the house? +What, he's cute? That's his idea of humor? If the Feds get those disks, the East Coast is gonna take a hit, too. You should let them know. +If the Feds get those disks, the East Coast is gonna take a hit, too. You should let them know. No way. I tell them, that Old Man is gonna handle this from back there. +Jen? Are you all right? She'll be dead if you don't put your ass in that chair! +Who sent you? Don't go Rambo and you'll tell'm about this on the back nine. I'm gonna tie you up, then we're gonna take your car. +The car. All you want is the car? Am I talkin' raghead?! I want your car! Gimme the goddamned keys! +Stay down! Stay down, goddamnit! I'm going to my desk. +I'm going to my desk. You're not goin' anywhere! Get on the fuckin' floor! +Get on the floor! I have contacts in Los Angeles. Lawyers and judges who can help you. +Mars, watch the cops! Kevin! Watch the back of the house! You won't die if you let me help. +You won't die if you let me help. Bullshit! +Bullshit! But if you stay in this house, I can promise you this -- +But if you stay in this house, I can promise you this -- Shut up! Shut up and get on the floor! +Shut up! Shut up and get on the floor! You can't imagine the fucking you're going to get. +C'mon, Dennis, this is stupid. I thought we were gonna go to the movies. Mars?! Whattaya think, dude? Out here on the edge, no one around, it's perfect, right? +Try to act cool, okay? He's gonna think you're a dick. Robbing this place is gonna put you back in prison. +Robbing this place is gonna put you back in prison. Not if they don't catch us, Kevin. +Not if they don't catch us, Kevin. We got jobs, man; we're working. Why even take the chance? +We got jobs, man; we're working. Why even take the chance? Because if you don't take the chance, you're already dead. +There's fuckin' blood all over you! I didn't know he would have a gun! It just went off! +That woman's gonna call the cops. Shut up, goddamnit! Just calm down! +Shut up, goddamnit! Just calm down! What if he's dead? What if you killed him? +That's why we gotta keep going. I'm not gonna go in for murder. We're on foot. We can't get away. +We're on foot. We can't get away. We're surrounded by houses, dumbass. Every house has a car in the garage. All we have to do is take one. +We could've gone out the back! You didn't have to shoot! Stop it! They found the truck, Kev! They're already behind us! +Stop it! They found the truck, Kev! They're already behind us! We should give up. All we're doing is making it worse. +I have to tell you something -- We gotta find a way outta here is what we gotta do! +We gotta find a way outta here is what we gotta do! It's about Mars -- +That cop didn't pull his gun. Mars lied. He just started shooting! Bullshit. Why would Mars do that? +Bullshit. Why would Mars do that? I was there, Dennis! I saw! It's like he wanted to shoot that cop. +I was there, Dennis! I saw! It's like he wanted to shoot that cop. You're being stupid. Check out the bathroom. Maybe we can sneak out a window -- +Jesus. What is this? Are you totally stupid? What does it look like? +Everyone knows what we look like, Dennis. We won't be able to hide. Jesus, first Mars, now you. You two need anti-depressants. +Someone should stay with Mr. Smith. What if he wakes up? That's why we tied him, dumbass. Now come here and see this -- +These bushes follow the wall into the neighbor's yard. All we need is some kind of diversion and we're home free. That's crazy, Dennis. The cops will see us. +That's crazy, Dennis. The cops will see us. Not if they're looking at something else. +Not if they're looking at something else. Like what? +We can't carry all this. It's too heavy. I've been carrying you our whole fuckin' lives. +We're fucked. We're fucked until we think of a way out; then we're rich. +We're fucked until we think of a way out; then we're rich. There is no way out. +There is no way out. For chrissake, please! Help me celebrate! I figured it out! +For chrissake, please! Help me celebrate! I figured it out! Celebrate what? Going to prison? +If we don't escape, we gotta get the word out about the cash. That's how we'll stay alive. What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? The only way he can keep the cash is if nobody knows about it. He's gotta cap all three of us before they even read our rights. He's probably planning it right now. +The only way he can keep the cash is if nobody knows about it. He's gotta cap all three of us before they even read our rights. He's probably planning it right now. That's crazy. He's not going to kill us. +That's crazy. He's not going to kill us. Kevin, you're so fuckin' stupid... +It's over. We have to give up. Fuck it's over. That money's mine. +Fuck it's over. That money's mine. That money's fucked up your brain. Talley's going to get tired of waiting for us to give up, and we'll all be fuckin' killed! +Then we might as well die rich. I'm not going to die for this! +You with the cops? The Bristo Police Department. Look out the window. You see the car? +Yeah. I'm Rooney. We had an awful lot of shooting. You need a doctor in there? +We're cool. Let me speak to Mr. Smith. I want to hear it from him. +Let me speak to Mr. Smith. I want to hear it from him. Fuck you. I'm running this shit. You talk to me. +Fuck you. I'm running this shit. You talk to me. How about your two friends? You don't have a man dying in there, do you? +How about your two friends? You don't have a man dying in there, do you? They're fine. +All three subjects are confirmed inside. Call off the house-to-house. Okay, Dennis, I want to explain your situation -- You don't have to explain shit! That Chinaman pulled a gun. We wrestled for it. That Chinaman shot himself. +You don't have to explain shit! That Chinaman pulled a gun. We wrestled for it. That Chinaman shot himself. Mr. Kim didn't make it, Dennis. He died. +Mr. Kim didn't make it, Dennis. He died. How about the cop? +How about the cop? Dennis? I want you to release those people. +Dennis? I want you to release those people. Fuck that. They're the only thing stopping you from blowing us away. +Fuck that. They're the only thing stopping you from blowing us away. We're not coming in there by force, okay? No one wants to hurt you. +We're not coming in there by force, okay? No one wants to hurt you. I got these people! You try to come get me, I'll kill every fuckin' one of them! +It's over now, Dennis! Don't hurt anyone. We'll burn this fuckin' place down! I got gasoline all over in here! +Talley? I'm here. +I'm here. I want a helicopter to take us to Mexico. +I want a helicopter to take us to Mexico. That's not going to happen, Dennis. They won't give you a helicopter. +That's not going to happen, Dennis. They won't give you a helicopter. I'll give you these people. +I'll give you these people. The Mexican police would arrest you as soon as it landed. There's only one way out and you're doing it right now--just keep talking to us. I think we could make the transition now. Maddox, you good to go? +Hey, Dennis? Can I let you in on a personal secret? What? +What? I gotta piss real bad. +You're a funny guy, Talley. I'm going to put on an officer named Will Maddox. You talk to him for a while. +That you, Talley? The one and only. We got a little problem out here, Dennis. +The one and only. We got a little problem out here, Dennis. You oughta try on the problem I got in here. +You oughta try on the problem I got in here. I need you to let me talk to Mr. Smith. +We been through that. Forget it. We can't forget it. The Sheriffs think you won't let me talk to Smith because he's dead. They think you murdered him. +Now I understand. That helps. I can make them understand that. Okay. +Okay. Let me come get him. +Let me come get him. Fuck that! You bastards will jump me! +Fuck that! You bastards will jump me! If you won't let me come in, then put him outside. +If you won't let me come in, then put him outside. You'll cap my ass as soon as I step out the door! +You'll cap my ass as soon as I step out the door! You've already helped yourself once, Dennis; be smart again. If you save his life, it'll help when you get to court. +You got a sniper out there, gonna shoot me? Only if you try to grab me. We could've shot you from the wall. +You've been in there a long time. What're you waiting for? Would you be in a hurry to go to prison for the rest of your life? +Would you be in a hurry to go to prison for the rest of your life? I'd be trying to get the best deal that I could. +I'd be trying to get the best deal that I could. Maybe that's what I'm doing. Can I reach in my pocket, show you something? +You picked a bad house to hole up in, son. Two hundred thousand cash, right in your pocket, no one needs to know. +Two hundred thousand cash, right in your pocket, no one needs to know. Give up. +Give up. There's a million dollars in there, maybe two million. I'll give you half. +It ain't been a good day, Chief. Give up, Dennis. Let these people go. At least you'll have your life. +Who else is here? My father. +He needs a doctor. Shut up and sit down. You think someone's gonna make a house call? +My father needs a doctor. Please. Hey, I've got a situation here, in case you haven't noticed. +Hey, I've got a situation here, in case you haven't noticed. All you're doing is watching yourself on TV. Look at him. +All you're doing is watching yourself on TV. Look at him. Use more ice. +Use more ice. I'm getting a doctor! +What about my father? Aw, Jesus, not more of this. +Aw, Jesus, not more of this. Look at him! I think he's dying! +Look at him! I think he's dying! Take'm back upstairs, but don't tie'm like before. That little fuck untied himself anyway. +It's a safety room. If anyone breaks into your house, you can hide. Who gives a shit, Mars? Check out the cash! We're rich. +Who gives a shit, Mars? Check out the cash! We're rich. We're trapped in a house. +We can take it with us. You can't run with suitcases. +That's right. That's a good idea, Mars. Find something: Extension cords, rope, wire--we'll have to tie them tight. +Find something: Extension cords, rope, wire--we'll have to tie them tight. Find something, Kevin. Don't just stand there. And tie this bastard, too. I don't want him waking up and goin' Rambo on us. +The cops are comin'! I got the gasoline -- +I got the gasoline -- We don't have time! +What the fuck is that? They'll cut the power. +Cops want to be rich like everyone else. All we have to do is share. And if he wants someone to swing for the Chinaman, we'll give'm Mars. Dennis. +You got something to say? I like it here, Dennis. I'm never going to leave. +I like it here, Dennis. I'm never going to leave. Fuckin' A. +You mean he left, as in went out the front door? I overheard him with the girl. +I overheard him with the girl. Shit! That fuck! Even when I want to turn myself in he screws it up! Did he take the kids with him? +Shit! That fuck! Even when I want to turn myself in he screws it up! Did he take the kids with him? I don't know. +I don't know. Jesus, get upstairs and find out! If he took those kids, we're fucked! +Can you identify this man? That would be Mars Krupchek. Jesus, he works for me, too. +That would be Mars Krupchek. Jesus, he works for me, too. Have Louise run the name 'Mars Krupchek' through DMV and NCIC. Tell her to list the tattoo as an identifier. +Is Krupchek an aggressive guy? Hot- tempered? Anything like that? Keeps to himself, more like. +Keeps to himself, more like. You have his address? +You have his address? Pretty sure I do. Yeah, here we go -- +Talley lives here. I don't know if the place has security or not. It won't be a problem. +It won't be a problem. He has a wife and kid. That's how we'll get to him. +He has a wife and kid. That's how we'll get to him. Okey-doke. +Okey-doke. We have to own this guy, Marion. We don't want him dead; we need to use him. +Donuts here any good? I don't eat junk food. +Are you out of your mind? You fucked up, Glen. +L.A. County Sheriffs are inbound from a bank robbery in Pico Rivera. Give me an ETA. +Give me an ETA. An hour, tops. Might be sooner. +What if it goes south? What do you mean? +What do you mean? If things get wet, we're going to need someone who can handle that end. +If things get wet, we're going to need someone who can handle that end. You worry about your end. I got my side covered. +I heard he's fucked up. They're taking him to the hospital. Goddamnit, tell me what you know. Did the cops go in? Did Smith have the disks? +Goddamnit, tell me what you know. Did the cops go in? Did Smith have the disks? I don't know. Talley talked those punks into letting Smith out. He's fucking us over, Glen. That guy is fucking us over. +I don't know. Talley talked those punks into letting Smith out. He's fucking us over, Glen. That guy is fucking us over. What hospital? +What hospital? Canyon Country. +How did you get this number? Mr. Jones is dead. So are two of his men. The other three are in jail. I have the disks. I have Walter Smith. And you know what, you motherfucker? I have you. +Mr. Jones is dead. So are two of his men. The other three are in jail. I have the disks. I have Walter Smith. And you know what, you motherfucker? I have you. I have your fucking family. Don't forget that. +I have your fucking family. Don't forget that. I also have a couple of million in cash. Call Sonny Benza. Ask if I can keep it. +What do you want? My wife and my daughter and the money. I'll bring the disks to the mall by the freeway, you bring my family. We'll trade. +My wife and my daughter and the money. I'll bring the disks to the mall by the freeway, you bring my family. We'll trade. Fuck that! You think I'm crazy?! +Fuck that! You think I'm crazy?! I think you got no choice. +Fuck the mall. You know that motel on the road west of town? Yeah. +Yeah. You got ten minutes. If you're one minute late, we won't be here to find. +Take it easy. Just take it easy. We're here to do business. You said they would be here, goddamnit! Where are they? +They're close. Let me make a call. You can see they're okay. You said they would be here! +You get the other one when I have my girls. Not talk to them; have them. Where is it? +Where is it? Close. +All right. Now the second one. First my girls. I get my girls, you get the other disk. +I'll kill you! You won't get the other disk! If you shoot me, he'll kill your daughter. Do you want to lose both of them? +I gave the other one to the Sheriffs and they're giving it to the real FBI. This one's a fake. You'd better be kidding. +I need to work out some stuff. You're hiding, Jeffrey. You're hiding from the job and you're hiding from me. +You're hiding, Jeffrey. You're hiding from the job and you're hiding from me. I still see that boy's eyes. +Can we talk some more when you get here? We'll see you in a couple of hours. +I should've called. This thing broke right after we spoke, then everything happened so fast -- Don't worry about it. How are you doing? +Don't worry about it. How are you doing? The Sheriffs will take over when they get here. +The Sheriffs will take over when they get here. But they're not here yet. Tell me about you. +Why don't you guys grab some dinner at the Thai place? I'll meet you there as soon as I can. You sure? +You sure? I don't know how long I'll be stuck here. +I don't know how long I'll be stuck here. I'm in no rush. Maybe later we can talk. +I'm scared shitless. That's okay. I love you anyway. +Ow! Shit! Be quiet! Listen! +No one's coming. That big asshole nailed my windows. +That big asshole nailed my windows. Mine, too. +Mine, too. We can use the crawlspace to get downstairs. Then we can run for it. +We can use the crawlspace to get downstairs. Then we can run for it. No! I'm not going to leave Daddy with them! +We can't carry him. You go, Thomas. You get out, and I'll stay with Daddy. +You go, Thomas. You get out, and I'll stay with Daddy. I'm not gonna leave you! +I'm not gonna leave you! Go! If you get out, maybe you can help the police! +You leave that gun alone! Shh, they'll hear you! +Shh, they'll hear you! Better than you getting killed! Don't touch that gun! Daddy says -- +He can't reach us in here. We're safe. I know. +Want one? I don't drink beer. +I don't drink beer. Mommy won't know. You can do anything you want right now. Mommy won't know. +Mommy won't know. You can do anything you want right now. Mommy won't know. What I want is to help my father. +What do you want? We can't make the microwave work. +What? We're hungry. You're going to cook. +Make the pizza. I want scrambled eggs and hot dogs on mine. How about dog shit? +Kevin left without you. I don't know what you're talking about. +You'd better get out of here! Kevin's coming back! Kevin's gone, your daddy's gone, everybody's gone. +Now we can do whatever we want. Stop it. +Please get away from me. Mars? What are you doing? +You gotta pee? I don't see why you can't just lock me in. It's not like I can go anywhere. +I don't see why you can't just lock me in. It's not like I can go anywhere. Either I'm going to tie you or Mars will tie you. Which do you want? +Thanks for the shirt. Whatever. +Whatever. Kevin, my father needs a doctor. +Kevin, my father needs a doctor. He's just knocked out. I've been knocked out. +He's just knocked out. I've been knocked out. If my father dies they'll charge you with his murder. Can't you make Dennis see that? +What do you want? Keep your voice down. I'm taking you and your brother out of here. +What happened? Do you want to go or not? I'm offering you a way out of here. +Do you want to go or not? I'm offering you a way out of here. I can't go without Thomas. +I can't go without Thomas. All three of us will go, but we have to move fast. Mars and Dennis don't know I'm doing this. +All three of us will go, but we have to move fast. Mars and Dennis don't know I'm doing this. How can we get out? +How can we get out? Dennis and Mars are in the den. I'll get your brother, then come back for you. We'll go down the stairs and out the front door, you understand? +Dennis and Mars are in the den. I'll get your brother, then come back for you. We'll go down the stairs and out the front door, you understand? Yes. +Are civilians inside? He said something about a girl -- +He said something about a girl -- Holster your guns! +We have to cordon off the streets, then evacuate these houses. What are we going to do about Mike? +What are we going to do about Mike? Keep your head down. +What's going on? Get in the car. Now. +I'm the chief of police here. I have to talk to him. Ain't gonna happen. We've got unequal pupilation. He could have an intracranial hematoma or a fracture or both. +Smith! Wake up! What are you doing?! Stop that! +I'm not going to wake him. I don't even know that I can. Just one question. Please. +Just one question. Please. He. Can't. Answer. +I'm Jeff Talley, the Bristo chief of police. So far as we know, your children are okay. Chief Talley is the one who got you out. +Chief Talley is the one who got you out. I need to talk to him. Alone. +That's enough. Another minute. Please -- +What are you talking about, shot? What happened? Three white males shot Junior. Mike followed them to York Estates -- +Three white males shot Junior. Mike followed them to York Estates -- Where are they? +Where are they? York Estates. Four-five-five Castle Way. Anders and Jorgenson are on the way. +That's not enough. What's that, Chief? Say again. +What's that, Chief? Say again. Get everyone out here. Then call the Sheriffs. Tell them we have a possible hostage situation. +Is something wrong with Jane? We have a boy on the line. He says he's Thomas Smith and he's calling from the house. +We have a boy on the line. He says he's Thomas Smith and he's calling from the house. It's a crank, Louise. C'mon, don't waste my time with that! +It's a crank, Louise. C'mon, don't waste my time with that! His cell number belongs to the Smiths. I think it's real, Chief. I think this boy is inside that house. +One at a time! Clear the air! Louise? Talk to me. What do we have? Junior Kim was DOA at the hospital. +Chief? Mike said a young girl answered the door. Did he say if she was shooting at him? +Did he say if she was shooting at him? He didn't say. +He didn't say. Then we don't know if she's part of this or not. Mickey, you up? +I pulled Mickey and Dreyer off the minimart. Jesus Christ, Louise, we can't leave a crime scene like that. Put a unit out there. +Jesus Christ, Louise, we can't leave a crime scene like that. Put a unit out there. We only have eight officers on duty, Chief. +Louise? Go, Chief. +Go, Chief. Get a phone number for the Smiths. +Louise? Go, Chief. +Go, Chief. Call Jane for me. She's at the little Thai place. +Call Jane for me. She's at the little Thai place. I know the one. +I know the one. Tell her I'm almost home. +Chief, base. Go. +Go. I couldn't find Jane. She wasn't at the restaurant. +I couldn't find Jane. She wasn't at the restaurant. You have her cell number? +You have her cell number? She didn't answer. +She didn't answer. They might be at the house. Keep trying and let me know. I'm going to be here a little while longer. +Did you find Jane and Mandy? Could you call me back on your phone? Right away. +Could you call me back on your phone? Right away. What's wrong with the radio? +What's wrong with the radio? Other people can hear us. Just call. Please. +Other people can hear us. Just call. Please. Stand by. +I'm Talley. Who's in charge? Laura Martin. This is Will Maddox, the primary negotiator -- +Do it. Don't crowd the house. The alpha's a kid named Rooney. He's amped up and volatile. +Sounds like you know the job. I've done it once or twice. I blocked their phones to incoming calls, so you'll have to cut in a hard line to talk to him. +I've done it once or twice. I blocked their phones to incoming calls, so you'll have to cut in a hard line to talk to him. Maddox! You got that? +Then get your men off the wall! You breach that house, we're gonna have a bloodbath! I know this guy, Captain -- I can talk to him. Order your men to stand down. +He says he has gasoline set to burn the place. Jesus. He must've siphoned it from the cars. +Jesus. He must've siphoned it from the cars. If you go in, you can't use tear gas or flashbangs. The whole place would go up. +If you go in, you can't use tear gas or flashbangs. The whole place would go up. Looks like you're bailing out at the right time. +Looks like you're bailing out at the right time. That's why you get the big bucks, Captain. +He says that his father's hurt. If we have a man dying in there, we'll have to go in. +If we have a man dying in there, we'll have to go in. They have security cameras. Rooney would see you coming. +They have security cameras. Rooney would see you coming. Did the boy say that any of them are in immediate danger? +Did the boy say that any of them are in immediate danger? No. He said that his father's unconscious; he didn't say he was dying. +No. He said that his father's unconscious; he didn't say he was dying. Then I think we should wait. Do you agree? +You want me to stick around, I could -- You've been here all day, Chief. Take a break. See your family. If I need you, I'll call. +Excuse me? You requested our help. You turned over command -- And now I'm taking it back. We're getting Smith out of the house. +I want to know what in hell you're doing. I'm looking for you. I need your tactical unit. +I'm looking for you. I need your tactical unit. I'm not stupid! You can't get out of here fast enough, then you take back command; you agree to wait on Smith, then you risk everything in a stupid stunt to get him out -- +I'm not stupid! You can't get out of here fast enough, then you take back command; you agree to wait on Smith, then you risk everything in a stupid stunt to get him out -- Don't question me, Captain! This is my crime scene! +Don't question me, Captain! This is my crime scene! -- then when you get him, you damn near assault the man in the ambulance! What is going on? +Let it go, Captain. Goddamned small town bullshit. +We're out two minutes, me and Dreyer. Mike found a red pickup abandoned on Flanders. You see it? +Mike found a red pickup abandoned on Flanders. You see it? It's right in front of us. +It's right in front of us. Run a DMV on the plate for the owner's name. +Chief, Mikkelson. Go, Mickey. +Go, Mickey. The truck is registered to Dennis James Rooney, white male, twenty-two. He has an Agua Dulce address. +The truck is registered to Dennis James Rooney, white male, twenty-two. He has an Agua Dulce address. Contact the landlord. I want to know employment, friends, family, anything we can find out about this guy. +It's mine. Talley. Chief, it's Mikkelson. +Chief, it's Mikkelson. Go, Mickey. +Mickey? Call the state Homicide Bureau. Don't touch anything, just sit back and wait. Yes, sir. +Okay, here's mine. My name is Special Agent Jones. Are all of you named Jones? +Are all of you named Jones? Don't be funny, Chief. You can't afford it. +In a few minutes the white phone is going to ring. So let's get our shit straight before that happens. You used to be a cop. All of you used to be cops. I can tell by the way you move. +You used to be a cop. All of you used to be cops. I can tell by the way you move. Don't worry about what we used to be. +Don't worry about what we used to be. How do you people expect this to work? The Sheriffs have a Crisis Response Team here. +How do you people expect this to work? The Sheriffs have a Crisis Response Team here. What's my name? +What's my name? What? +What? I asked you my name. You just saw my commission slip. What's my fucking name? +I asked you my name. You just saw my commission slip. What's my fucking name? Special Agent Jones. +Special Agent Jones. Think of me that way and you won't fuck up. I'll handle the Sheriffs. +What are you people going to do? You and I are gonna straighten this out with the Sheriffs, and then we'll wait for the man to call. When he gives the word, we move. +You and I are gonna straighten this out with the Sheriffs, and then we'll wait for the man to call. When he gives the word, we move. What does he have on you? I know why I'm doing this, but what does he have on you? +We've got to get those kids out of there! Not until the man calls. +Not until the man calls. Those kids are in there with a fucking psychopath! He kills people! +Those kids are in there with a fucking psychopath! He kills people! They've been in there all day. +The kids are in here! Where's the office? +Where's the office? Help me, goddamnit, we can get the disks later! +This is Chief Talley. Tell me your name, son. Thomas Smith. I'm in the house that's on TV. Dennis hit my dad and now he won't wake up. You gotta help him. +Slow down, Thomas. Take it easy and talk to me. Was your father shot? Dennis hit him. His head's all big and he won't wake up. I'm really scared. +Dennis hit him. His head's all big and he won't wake up. I'm really scared. How about you and your sister? +How about you and your sister? We're okay. +We're okay. Where are you right now? +Where are you right now? In my room. +That's on the second floor. Could you climb out your window if we were downstairs to catch you? They nailed the windows. I can't get'm open. +I've got the boy on the phone. He's using a cell phone. What was that, son? I didn't hear you. If I try to climb out they'll see me on the security cameras. They would see you outside, too -- +Is my daddy okay? The doctors are taking care of him right now. Thomas . . . are you safe? Can you talk? +The doctors are taking care of him right now. Thomas . . . are you safe? Can you talk? I think so. +I think so. I need your help with something. But if you think those guys could catch you, then I don't want you to do it, okay? +I need your help with something. But if you think those guys could catch you, then I don't want you to do it, okay? Okay. +Okay. I'm serious, Thomas; I don't want you to get hurt. +I'm serious, Thomas; I don't want you to get hurt. What do you want me to do? +What do you want me to do? Your dad has two computer disks. They have funny names: Marlon and Al. +Your dad has two computer disks. They have funny names: Marlon and Al. He has lots of disks. +He has lots of disks. I think he was working on them today, so they're probably in his office. Could you find them and see who they belong to? +I think he was working on them today, so they're probably in his office. Could you find them and see who they belong to? Dennis won't let me go to the desk. He makes me sit on the floor. +But I might be able to sneak into the office if they're not around. Then I could open the disks here in my room. I thought they locked you in your room. +I thought they locked you in your room. I can get into the crawlspace from my closet and climb all over the house. +I can get into the crawlspace from my closet and climb all over the house. Can you get into the office? +Can you get into the office? I can get into the den. The office is right across the hall. +If I get Rooney into the back of the house, can you find the disks without being caught? Yes, sir. +Can you open them? I opened Marlon. I think it's somebody's taxes. +I opened Marlon. I think it's somebody's taxes. Look for names. Does it say whose taxes they are? +I don't see any people names. It's all businesses. Try Al. See if you can open Al. +Yeah! Here's a name. This is somebody's personal tax -- Who is it? +Who is it? Charles G. Benza. They're coming! +Are the disks still in your room? No! They're right here -- +Where are my children? They're still in the house. +I don't know what you're talking about. He's going to kill you. Don't you know that? He can't take the chance that you'll talk. +Did you find the disks? Yes. +Yes. Then you have everything. You can put them away. +Then you have everything. You can put them away. A man has my family. Gold watch here. Dark tan. +A man has my family. Gold watch here. Dark tan. That would be Glen Howell. He was on his way for the disks. +That would be Glen Howell. He was on his way for the disks. How do I reach him? +Where's your gun? I'm the Chief. I don't carry it. +Who are you? Follow the Mustang. We won't go far. +Don't just fuckin' sit there, dumbass. Do you understand? What do you want? +What do you want? These guys are going to take hold of you. Don't freak out. It's for your own good. +Can we let go? You past your shock and all that, we can turn you loose and you won't do something stupid? You can let go. +Marlon and Al.... We want them. You will not let anyone go into that house--or anything come out-- until my people recover these disks. +We want them. You will not let anyone go into that house--or anything come out-- until my people recover these disks. I can't control what happens. The Sheriffs are running the scene. +I can't control what happens. The Sheriffs are running the scene. You will re-assume command. In two hours, a group of my people will arrive at York Estates. You will tell the Sheriffs that they are an FBI tactical team. +When this phone rings, you answer. It will be me. I'll tell you what to do. When I have what I want, you get your family. You want . . . Marlon and Al. +You want . . . Marlon and Al. I have people in York Estates right under your nose. If you do anything except what I'm telling you, you'll get Jane and Amanda back in the mail. We clear on that? +I have people in York Estates right under your nose. If you do anything except what I'm telling you, you'll get Jane and Amanda back in the mail. We clear on that? These disks . . . where are they? +These disks . . . where are they? Smith will know. +You dumb fuckwad cop, you fucked up bad! Do you think I'm going to let you murder someone?! +Do you think I'm going to let you murder someone?! You want a blowtorch on your daughter's pretty face?! +You want a blowtorch on your daughter's pretty face?! I'll go in that fuckin' house right now! I'll give those disks to the real FBI, you COCKSUCKINGMOTHERFUCKER!! And I've got Smith! I've got Smith!! +I guess we each have something the other wants. I guess we do. +I guess we do. My people are good to go. You know who I mean? +My people are good to go. You know who I mean? Your phony FBI assholes. +Your phony FBI assholes. We're almost home, you and me. Keep your shit together. This isn't L.A. +We're almost home, you and me. Keep your shit together. This isn't L.A. What do you mean by that? +What do you mean by that? You don't want another dead child on your conscience. +Paul, Paul, a moment please. Yes, Benedict, what can I do? +Yes, Benedict, what can I do? Can you get me into the Ambassador's reception? +Can you get me into the Ambassador's reception? I'm sorry, it's a private function. +What happened? They're killing everyone. The Lady Minister! The UN soldiers. They're at the gate. +Paul, we would like to speak to you in your office. We, who is we? +We, who is we? A delegation. +Paul! Gregoire will deal with it, excuse me. +Gregoire, there are no cockroaches in this hotel, do you understand? Cockroaches? +No, Bik, it's a code word for Tutsis. That's what I came to talk to you about. +That's what I came to talk to you about. Excuse me? +Excuse me? The Hutu-Tutsi thing. The BBC faxed to say they would be here on the sixth for the peace accords. And the U.N. wants the banquet room for that day, a reception to broadcast the signing ceremony. Can you organize monitors and check the satellite dish? +The Hutu-Tutsi thing. The BBC faxed to say they would be here on the sixth for the peace accords. And the U.N. wants the banquet room for that day, a reception to broadcast the signing ceremony. Can you organize monitors and check the satellite dish? Leave it to me. +Also, could you remember to use the service entrance at all times? Of course. +Paul... ...I have to talk to you. I'll be back. +Who are you? I am Paul Rusesabagina, a good friend of General Bizimungu. +I am Paul Rusesabagina, a good friend of General Bizimungu. We are looking for you. +What is this about? Let me see your identity card. +You heard the Tutsi cockroaches murdered our president. Yes, it is a calamity for us all. +Yes, it is a calamity for us all. You work at the Hotel Diplomat? +You work at the Hotel Diplomat? No. I work at the Mille Collines. +I used to work at the Diplomat. Do you know how to open the safe there? Our government needs to use the hotel and the room keys are in the safe. You must open it. +Do you know how to open the safe there? Our government needs to use the hotel and the room keys are in the safe. You must open it. Of course. +Captain, I must take my family. It is not safe here. Where is your family? +They are all Tutsi cockroaches. Let me explain. +Please, I don't use guns. There is nothing to it. +You want to pay me? Why not? These are not rebels, look at them. Soon they will be worthless to you. Why not take some money, for your work? +Why not? These are not rebels, look at them. Soon they will be worthless to you. Why not take some money, for your work? How much? +How much? Name a price. +Name a price. Ten thousand francs for each one. +Ten thousand francs for each one. I don't have that much. +Here, here, a thousand US dollars - fifty thousand francs for my family. To let us drive off to the Mille Collines. How many in your family? +How many in your family? Six. +Ten. And four children? +And four children? I'll give you a hundred thousand francs for all of them. +Give me it. I don't have it here. At the Mille Collines. I can get it for you. +I don't have it here. At the Mille Collines. I can get it for you. You will run into the hotel and hide behind the U.N. +You will run into the hotel and hide behind the U.N. I swear, Captain, one hundred thousand francs, enough for a house. I will get the money, you keep them outside. +Don't be foolish. There's more money to be made here. You want to buy anymore cockroaches ask for Captain Naramunju. +Do we know who fired the missile that killed the president? No. But I fear it's intention may have been to kill the peace accords and spark a civil war between the Hutu Militia and the Tutsi rebels. +No. But I fear it's intention may have been to kill the peace accords and spark a civil war between the Hutu Militia and the Tutsi rebels. We've heard reports of reprisal killings. Will the UN intervene to stop the bloodshed.? +We've heard reports of reprisal killings. Will the UN intervene to stop the bloodshed.? Unfortunately we're here as peace-keepers not peace makers, we can't take an aggressive role. +Unfortunately we're here as peace-keepers not peace makers, we can't take an aggressive role. If the UN changes your mandate could you stop the bloodshed? +If the UN changes your mandate could you stop the bloodshed? Yes. With some re-inforcements I'm confident we could impose order. +Yes. With some re-inforcements I'm confident we could impose order. Have you requested re-enforcements? +Have you requested re-enforcements? Yes we have. +Yes we have. What was the response? +What was the response? We're awaiting a decision, excuse me. +Paul, you know who this is? Yes, Colonel Monsieur Xavier, the Minister of Finance. +Yes, Colonel Monsieur Xavier, the Minister of Finance. Get him a room, but tell no one he is here. Paul will look after you. +Paul, I've sent my soldiers to rescue the Lady Prime Minister, she'll need a room. Yes sir, but these people they cannot stay here. I've heard you have a refugee center at the airport Stadium? +Yes sir, but these people they cannot stay here. I've heard you have a refugee center at the airport Stadium? I'm sorry, I can't possibly take them Paul. I'm overrun with refugees. As soon as we can stabilize the situation we'll take them. +Hold the line here. Do not shoot! The Colonel stabilizes the situation, his men watch the militia drive by. Paul approaches Oliver What's happening? +What's happening? They murdered my soldiers. Ten Belgians who I sent to get the lady minister. +They murdered my soldiers. Ten Belgians who I sent to get the lady minister. Where is she? +Anything. Strong. Canadian Club? +Congratulations, Colonel. You have saved us all. Congratulations. You should spit in my face. +Congratulations. You should spit in my face. Excuse me, Colonel. +Excuse me, Colonel. We think you are dirt, less than dirt, worthless. +We think you are dirt, less than dirt, worthless. I don't understand. +I don't understand. Don't bullshit me, Paul. You're the smartest man here. You have them all eating out of your hand. You'd own this fucking hotel, except for one thing. +You're fucking black! You're not even a nigger, you're African! They're not staying to stop this thing. They're gonna fly right out of here with their people. Their people? +Their people? They're only taking the whites. +They fired a rocket at us. Yes. Where are the Rwandan police? +Yes. Where are the Rwandan police? I ran out of bribes. Bizimungu took them away. +I ran out of bribes. Bizimungu took them away. That explains it. I'm sorry to tell you this but we've heard rumors the Militia are getting ready to storm the hotel. +That explains it. I'm sorry to tell you this but we've heard rumors the Militia are getting ready to storm the hotel. Will you protect us. +Will you protect us. I can't, I don't have the men. +What is it? The rebels have fought their way into the city. They have many Hutu prisoners. +Paul, I need you to buy me a day or two. I don't have the fuel for this convoy. I will have to scrounge it. I can't. I have nothing left to bribe with. Can your men at the gate hold out for another day? +I can't. I have nothing left to bribe with. Can your men at the gate hold out for another day? No, Paul, they're afraid. They've demanded to be moved back to headquarters now. +No, Paul, they're afraid. They've demanded to be moved back to headquarters now. Give me their uniforms. I will put people at the gate, in disguise. +Give me their uniforms. I will put people at the gate, in disguise. I wish I could, Paul. Try to hold out. +Paul, this scotch is exceptional. It's a single malt, Glenmorangie. I thought you'd like it. Anything you need, gentlemen, let me know. +It's a single malt, Glenmorangie. I thought you'd like it. Anything you need, gentlemen, let me know. Oh, Paul, talk to the coat check, please. +I'm sorry it is not Glenmorangie. As long as it is scotch. Your white friends have abandoned you, Paul. +As long as it is scotch. Your white friends have abandoned you, Paul. The United Nations are still here. +The United Nations are still here. The United Nations. Madmen are on the streets, Paul. But I will take care of you. Your cellar is well-stocked, right? +The United Nations. Madmen are on the streets, Paul. But I will take care of you. Your cellar is well-stocked, right? Yes, General. I am glad you came by. I overheard something that I think you should know about. +Yes, General. I am glad you came by. I overheard something that I think you should know about. What did you overhear? +What did you overhear? A discussion between an American Embassy official and a UN Colonel. +A discussion between an American Embassy official and a UN Colonel. What did they say? +What did they say? The American assured the colonel that they would watch everything. +The American assured the colonel that they would watch everything. Watch everything? How? They are gone. +Satellites. Satellites? +Satellites? Yes, they can photograph the epaulets on your shoulder. +Yes, they can photograph the epaulets on your shoulder. And what will they do with these satellites? +And what will they do with these satellites? The American said intervention is too costly, better to get photographic evidence and snatch up the high command. +The American said intervention is too costly, better to get photographic evidence and snatch up the high command. The high command? Our high command? +The high command? Our high command? 'Snatch them up and put on a war crimes trial. Lock them all away forever. No political risk, and big publicity.' That's what he said. I thought I'd better tell you. +The Americans! Who are they to put us on trial. Let us imagine Paul when their president Kennedy was shot, they said it was a black man. Then their politicians, their radio stations gave orders ‘we must wipe out these black people before they wipe out us.’ What do you think would have happened? No different. Indeed, general. Excuse me momentarily. +I am worried about thieves and criminals coming into the hotel. Perhaps you could arrange for some police to guard us. The police are very busy. +The police are very busy. I understand General, but when I last talked to the president of Sabena he promised me that anyone who helped protect Belgian property would be rewarded. +He did. “Well rewarded” Those were his words. +“Well rewarded” Those were his words. If I were to spare a few policemen, where would I station them? +If I were to spare a few policemen, where would I station them? The front gate would be best, General. +I will see what I can do. I admire you, General. How do you keep command of your men amidst such madness? +I admire you, General. How do you keep command of your men amidst such madness? I am strong, Paul, like a lion. +I am strong, Paul, like a lion. I wish I were like you. Look at my staff, they won't work, they listen to no one. +Please, General, I will give you money, whiskey. You said you had no whiskey. +You said you had no whiskey. Please, I have money. They're driving into an ambush, it's on the radio. +Where are my supplies? I'm sorry, General. The cellar is empty. +I'm sorry, General. The cellar is empty. You have cockroaches dancing on tables and you tell me the cellar is empty? Did they drink my whiskey? +You have cockroaches dancing on tables and you tell me the cellar is empty? Did they drink my whiskey? No. We have no way of finding other stock but I have money for you from the guests. +General, sir. I am glad to find you. I have found you some supplies. Whiskey? +Whiskey? The finest, and cognac, champagne. Come and I will get them for you. +The finest, and cognac, champagne. Come and I will get them for you. I'll be over. +I'll be over. Bring back your policemen... +We must go to the Diplomat. Get in. +Get in. Your police are at the gate? +Your police are at the gate? After the Diplomat! Paul clambers in the back. +Where are they going? They can go where they want. They are in charge now. +They can go where they want. They are in charge now. What do you mean, General? +What do you mean, General? We have decided to move the government to Gitarama. +We have decided to move the government to Gitarama. When? +When? Today. +You know what the Scottish call it? No. +No. Ishca Baha - the water of life. I went on a tour once of the finest single malt distillery in the world. Have you ever been to Scotland? +Ishca Baha - the water of life. I went on a tour once of the finest single malt distillery in the world. Have you ever been to Scotland? No, sir. +No, sir. Wonderful country, wonderful golf. I wonder - will I ever go back? What do you think? +Wonderful country, wonderful golf. I wonder - will I ever go back? What do you think? I hope we all get to do many things. Can we go now? +Pack those carefully, put them in my jeep, and guard them. Please, General, call and put your policemen back at the gate. +I am going to do you a great favor. I am going to take you with us to Gitarama. I do not want to go to Gitarama, General. +I do not want to go to Gitarama, General. You cannot go back to the hotel. The crazy men are going there now. Better to come with me. +We are better here. Listen, you need me. +You are a marked man. How so. +How so. The Americans, and the UN they have you as a war criminal. You are on a list. +The Americans, and the UN they have you as a war criminal. You are on a list. I am on a list! What list? +I am on a list! What list? When the Europeans left, their soldiers gathered lists. +You lie. If you do not help me, you will stay on that list. +If you do not help me, you will stay on that list. I committed no war crimes. +I committed no war crimes. Who will tell them? You need me to tell how you helped the hotel. The others who have gone, they blame you for all their misfortune. They say you led the massacres. +Who will tell them? You need me to tell how you helped the hotel. The others who have gone, they blame you for all their misfortune. They say you led the massacres. I led no massacres. +I led no massacres. You think they will believe you? +You think they will believe you? You will tell them the truth. +You will tell them the truth. I will do nothing unless you help me now. +I will try my best George but these days I have no time for rallies or politics. Politics is power, Paul. And money. +Time is money, George. We need extra beer today. Business is good at the hotel? +Business is good at the hotel? Very good. +Very good. I am always glad to see you Paul. +A bargain buy, from China. Ten cents each, I'll get a dollar. At least. +Everything is double the price now, you do understand that? I need rice, beans, beer, and your best whiskey. +I need rice, beans, beer, and your best whiskey. Beer yes, but no whiskey. +Beer yes, but no whiskey. You have no whiskey? +You have no whiskey? No whiskey, no spirits. Your rich cockroaches at the hotel, they will have to do without their scotch. Anyway, I have bled that cow enough Paul. +What do you mean George? Their money is no good to them. Soon all the Ineysi will be dead. +Their money is no good to them. Soon all the Ineysi will be dead. ) You cannot kill them all. +) You cannot kill them all. Why not? We are half way there already. +Let's go. Take the river road back. It is clear. +For fuck's sake, Gloria There's a big news story out there! We need to get out and cover it. We’re not going outside the hotel grounds unless we have an armored car. That's the ground rules. +We’re not going outside the hotel grounds unless we have an armored car. That's the ground rules. Ground rules! Where the fuck do you think you are, Wimbledon? +Ground rules! Where the fuck do you think you are, Wimbledon? We cover the story from here until we can get proper protection. +Satellite feed. Great. No kidding, When will they be here? Excellent. Yes, call then. +Holy shit! Holy shit. What is it? +You fucking see that! Oh my God! +Here, have a sandwich. Fuck you. +Let’s go, Jock. Go! What the fuck sort of journalists are we, running from a war? I'm ashamed. Are you? Well, are ya'? +Go! What the fuck sort of journalists are we, running from a war? I'm ashamed. Are you? Well, are ya'? You’re drunk. +Great, I really need a shower. Just give me a moment to get your keys. +The fifth room is your broadcast room. Good. I'd like to book a massage. +Good. I'd like to book a massage. Of course. +The news room has heard that the French and the Belgians are putting together an intervention force. When will they be here? +When will they be here? Very soon. +Very soon. Thank God. +There are no more rooms. Give me the phone. +Mr. Manager. Gregoire, what are you doing here? +Get out of this room and get back to work. I don't have to listen to you anymore. +I don't have to listen to you anymore. I am in charge now. Get back to work or I'll fire you. +I am in charge now. Get back to work or I'll fire you. Let me ask you Mr. Manager, do you notice a smell of cockroaches? If I were to leave this room, I'm sure I could find this smell. I know people who could cleanse it. But maybe it doesn't bother you? Why is that? Are used to this smell? Not me, I need a clean room to escape it. +Gregoire it is good to see you back to work. Please, except my humblest apologies... +Please, except my humblest apologies... Don't worry. I have a job this morning. I must go to visit my good friend George Rutagunda. You know George? +Where are we going, sir? For supplies, you drive. +For supplies, you drive. The fog is too heavy, sir. +The fog is too heavy, sir. Just drive, Gregoire. +Are you sure this is the river road? I saw the sign. +Paul, how the hell are ya'? I am delighted to see you, Mr. Daglish. +I am delighted to see you, Mr. Daglish. They moved you from the Diplomat? +They moved you from the Diplomat? Promoted. House Manager. +Promoted. House Manager. Good for you. We're having a little trouble, Paul. We booked five rooms, but... +Did you bring any of those wee girls who used to sit at the bar in the Diplomat with you? You know? I'm sorry, Mr. Daglish, this is the Mille Collines. No working girls here. +I'm sorry, Mr. Daglish, this is the Mille Collines. No working girls here. Can we phone them in, Paul? +Can we phone them in, Paul? I'm afraid I can't do that, Mr. Daglish. +Perfect timing. This goes out live? +Give her what she wants, room, food, anything. Charge it all. Don't you put her out, Paul. I would never do that. +I would never do that. I know that, Paul. I'm sorry. +This is a Rolex, I can't take it. Take it for Christ sake. I wish it was a fucking aeroplane. +You are the manager? Yes, sir. What is wrong? +Yes, sir. What is wrong? Everyone must leave the hotel now. +Everyone must leave the hotel now. Why sir? +Why sir? It's an order. Get everyone out now. +It's an order. Get everyone out now. I...ah...need some time. Please give us twenty, thirty minutes. People are sleeping. +Anderson, Arthurs, Boulier. What is this? The guest list. It hasn't been updated since the murder of the president. +Are you trying to make a fool of me? There are no Europeans left in that hotel. Get me the names of all the cockroaches in there. That will take time. +That will take time. You don't have time. If I do not have the names, so that I can pick out the traitors, then I will kill everyone here in this car park. Get in there now. +Who did you call? Call, sir? +Call, sir? Don't lie to me. What's your name? +Don't lie to me. What's your name? Rusesabagina. Paul Rusesabagina. +Rusesabagina. Paul Rusesabagina. I will remember that name. Let's go. +What do you want? We are to meet Mr. Rutagunda. +We are to meet Mr. Rutagunda. The commander is not here. +The commander is not here. He will be here. +He will be here. Show me your ID +Excuse me. What? +What? Our cards, please. +Our cards, please. What cards? +What cards? You have our cards. +You have our cards. No. But I make cards. Would you like me to make you two cards? +No. But I make cards. Would you like me to make you two cards? How much? +How much? One thousand francs. +Show us the manager. He wears a suit. They have him in the lobby, go quickly. +Terrible times, Paul. There are bodies everywhere. I cannot stay here. I need a great favor. +I need you to go to this address and bring my brother-in-law and his family. No, no. This is a very dangerous part of town. I cannot do this. +No, no. This is a very dangerous part of town. I cannot do this. This would be an enormous favor to me. I am a man of means, Mr. Garandi. When this nonsense is over I will be most grateful. +This would be an enormous favor to me. I am a man of means, Mr. Garandi. When this nonsense is over I will be most grateful. I will see what I can do. +Was there blood? No blood. As I left a neighbor, an old woman, waved to me. I went to her house. She has the little girls. They are safe. +It is dangerous to be here. The radio says this is a nest of cockroaches. I need one last favor. Go back and get the twins. +I need one last favor. Go back and get the twins. No, it is impossible. That side of town has been destroyed in the fighting. The children are dead. +No, it is impossible. That side of town has been destroyed in the fighting. The children are dead. How do you know? +How do you know? Everyone is dead there. The dogs eat the bodies in the street. I have to go. +Everyone is dead there. The dogs eat the bodies in the street. I have to go. I will give you my house. +I will need a suite. Of course. +I'm afraid you will have to move room. Move? Where to? +Move? Where to? I'm going to put you on the third floor. +I'm going to put you on the third floor. The third floor are low class rooms. +The third floor are low class rooms. Yes they are. However if the army return they will expect important people such as yourself to be in these grand rooms. +Yes they are. However if the army return they will expect important people such as yourself to be in these grand rooms. Pack the bags, we have to move. +Pack the bags, we have to move. Also, this is your bill for the last week. +This time the Militia will kill us. They will surely kill us here. It's over here. We have to take the chance. +They should go one truck at a time. When the first truck gets through to the airport, then the others will follow. We can't wait. We all go together or not at all. +Good evening, Odette, who is sick this time? I asked Odette to take a look at little Anais. She has a rash. +I asked Odette to take a look at little Anais. She has a rash. Your brother's here? +Your brother's here? Yes, with Fedens and the children. +Thomas wants advice? He wants your wisdom. +He wants your wisdom. Let's have dinner first. +Let's have dinner first. Of course. +Simon, next door, the Charingas' boy. Homework? +Do something. What? +What? Call your friends in the army. Call someone. Victor is harmless. This is a mistake. +Call your friends in the army. Call someone. Victor is harmless. This is a mistake. Please, be quiet. +No. We must do something. +Why didn't you call your contacts in the army? I couldn't help. +I couldn't help. You could have asked for a favor. +You could have asked for a favor. No, I could not. What do you know about favors Tatiana, about barter and deals? +Victor was not a stranger, he was our neighbor. He was not family. Family is all that matters. Do you think if you or I were being dragged from here, any one of them would lift a finger to help us? +He was not family. Family is all that matters. Do you think if you or I were being dragged from here, any one of them would lift a finger to help us? They do not have your connections. +They do not have your connections. "Connections? I have no connections, only favors. If I call to help Victor, a General will think ""Paul Rusesabagina is a fool. He thinks my favors are so numerous and so insignificant as to waste them on everybody."" Then my hard work is doubly squandered. I insult the General and I do not get to use my favor at all. Please leave these things to my good judgment." +Paul! Paul's eyes adjust, he recognizes many of his neighbors, all crowded into this small room. Then he sees their friends Odette and her husband Jean Baptiste. Jean Baptiste! +The president has been murdered. Murdered! By whom? +Where are Thomas and Fedens? I sent them home. Go and call them. +I sent them home. Go and call them. I tried already. The phones do not work. +Is every Tutsi in the neighborhood here? They came through the bushes, over the wall. What could I do? +They came through the bushes, over the wall. What could I do? Send them home. We are not the police. What do we have to protect them? +Send them home. We are not the police. What do we have to protect them? Please. Let them stay 'til morning. The militia will not come here, they know you are a Hutu with influence. +Please. Let them stay 'til morning. The militia will not come here, they know you are a Hutu with influence. They know you are Tutsi! +Please, Paul, 'til first light. Dawn. Then they go. +Oh, my God! Where are you hurt, son? +What is it, Paul. Stay with the children. +Paul, don't let them die. Get in. +Them. They almost got us all killed. I have done enough for them! We cannot look after them anymore. What are you going to do? You cannot drive them out onto the road. They can stay with me. +What are you going to do? You cannot drive them out onto the road. They can stay with me. What! +What! I will not have them on my conscience. They will stay in my room. +I will not have them on my conscience. They will stay in my room. Zozo, get a key for two staff bedrooms. Put these people in them. +This won't do. It will do just fine. +Any luck? No answer. Please send someone to get them, please. +No answer. Please send someone to get them, please. I'll try. +Has Roger spoken yet? No, Odette says he's in shock. +No, Odette says he's in shock. How can we help him. +How can we help him. He needs to be in a safe place. Have you heard from Mr. Garindi? +He needs to be in a safe place. Have you heard from Mr. Garindi? Give him time. +This is not bad news, Tatsi. Perhaps they fled or could not make it home. There is hope. Please go back, bring the children to us. +My sister is dead, Paul. They would not leave the children. No. They are not dead. Stop this. +They are being evacuated. What about us? +What about us? We have been abandoned. +Listen to me woman. I said all the whites are leaving. The French, the Italians, even the Belgian UN soldiers. But who is left? +But who is left? I don't know. Colonel Oliver says the UN has three hundred soldiers for the whole country. Black soldiers, Pakistanis. +You could leave, Paul. What are you saying, Tatsi? +What are you saying, Tatsi? Your card says Hutu. Take our children, go and get the twins, pay money at the roadblocks. Get them out. Please. +Your card says Hutu. Take our children, go and get the twins, pay money at the roadblocks. Get them out. Please. Enough of this. We stay together. Let me rest, I will feel better then. +Go to the roof now. What for Paul. +What for Paul. Do as I say. I will be there soon. +Lynch Bages, 84. Perfect with lamb, or fine rare beef. So where is the lamb? +So where is the lamb? Maybe Gregoire and the witch ate it. +What's the matter? We're running out of beer and other supplies. +I have to go out to get food. Go out! Where? +Go out! Where? To Rutagunda's place. It is close by. +To Rutagunda's place. It is close by. No, no. +No, no. I have to, Tatiana, we are only as valuable as the service we provide. +I have to, Tatiana, we are only as valuable as the service we provide. You cannot go alone. +You cannot go alone. I'm not going alone. I'll take Gregoire with me. He's a good Hutu, and he wants to impress me now. +Please, Paul, why do we have to go to the roof? It's alright. This is the only place I can find some peace. +I hear we must pay for everything. How much for this? A kiss. +I have a confession. When we met... In Ruhengeri? +In Ruhengeri? Yes, when you worked as the nurse. +Yes, when you worked as the nurse. Yes. +Yes. I had you transferred to Kigali. +I had you transferred to Kigali. What? +What? I bribed the Minister of Health to have you transferred to Kigali. +I bribed the Minister of Health to have you transferred to Kigali. Why? +Why? To be closer. So that I could marry you. +To be closer. So that I could marry you. What was the bribe? What am I worth to you? +What was the bribe? What am I worth to you? It was substantial. +It was substantial. Tell me what it was. +Tell me what it was. A car. +A car. What sort of car? +What sort of car? What does it matter. +What does it matter. I want to know. +I want to know. A Volkswagen. +A Volkswagen. A Volkswagen! +I will not leave without the twins. We have to get out of here Tatiana. +We have to get out of here Tatiana. Please, please try one more time. +Please, please try one more time. I'll try but we have to leave, with or without them. I want you to promise. +A little longer, Paul? We wait until 7:00. If he is not here with the twins he is not coming. We leave. That was your promise. Go help the children. +Ask them to wait a little longer. For the twins. Get on the truck, Tatiana. +Get on the truck, Tatiana. No. +I have to stay. No! Sit down now. +No! Sit down now. I cannot leave these people. I will wait for the twins. +Let me go. Children get off. I will follow on the next plane. Go. +I love you. Keep the children safe. Paul! Then another voice. +We are almost out of water. We are almost out of everything. +We have to have a plan. What sort of plan? +What sort of plan? Our children cannot see us die first. If the Militia comes, you must hurry up to the roof. I will meet you there. +Our children cannot see us die first. If the Militia comes, you must hurry up to the roof. I will meet you there. Please do not talk like this. +Please do not talk like this. We have to. If I do not come, you must take them all by the hands and jump. +The Diplomat! Tatiana wakens, startled. What's wrong? +What's wrong? I have to go to the Diplomat. +Oh, my babies. Anais, it is so good to see you. +Can I have your name again? Paul Rusesabagina, Mr. Godefroid. The house manager. I met you on your last visit. +Paul Rusesabagina, Mr. Godefroid. The house manager. I met you on your last visit. Yes, Paul, I remember. The Mille Collines is a very important property for Sabena. Our directors believe we should close down, shutter the place until this unrest is over? +Very well. But if this thing gets worse, we must close. If there's anything you need, call anytime. There is one thing I need right away. +I managed to get the President of France on the phone. Thank you, sir, you saved our lives. +Thank you, sir, you saved our lives. Paul, I pleaded with the president to go in and get you all. He told me it will not happen. +Paul, I pleaded with the president to go in and get you all. He told me it will not happen. Why? +Why? I can give you many political answers Paul but the truth is that Africa is not worth a single vote to all of them: French, British, Americans. +Rutaganda's place? What's wrong? +What's wrong? Beg your pardon sir, you are Hutu. You are safe there. +Beg your pardon sir, you are Hutu. You are safe there. You are with me, Zozo, don't worry. +What is it like to fly on a plane, sir? It depends where you sit Zozo. In coach it is like the bus to Giterama. +It depends where you sit Zozo. In coach it is like the bus to Giterama. That is why they call it coach? +That is why they call it coach? Maybe. But in business class there are fine wines, linens, Belgian chocolates. +Maybe. But in business class there are fine wines, linens, Belgian chocolates. You have taken business class? +You have taken business class? Many times. +Sit up, smile, Zozo, don't attract attention to yourself. Boss, some of those men are my neighbors, they know I'm Tutsi. +Twelve are dead. How dead? +Where are the receptionists? Where's Gregoire? He has taken the presidential suite. +He has taken the presidential suite. What! Paul storms off. +Where's housekeeping? They won't pick up. Sir, no one wants to work. They say the boss has left. +What do we do with all these people? Open up the ballroom, we'll put them there. And Zozo tell the kitchen to make rice and beans - a lot of it. +What are you doing? The lieutenant wants the register. +Where has all our beer gone? Sir, Gregoire has been taking beers. +Sir, Gregoire has been taking beers. How much beer? +How much beer? Many beers. +You are my family now, Zozo, my brother. I will get you out of here. Thank you, sir. +Thank you, sir. Let us remember this night and tell the world that even in hell there are good people. +I saw Gregoire make a call, sir? When? +When? As the trucks go. +What is this about no water? It's true, sir, the water has been turned off. +Paul. Are you alright? We have a big problem. The Hutu army have come and ordered us all of us out of the hotel. +Out? Where are you going? I do not know, sir. I think they will kill us all. +All. What do you mean all? The staff, the guests. +The staff, the guests. The staff and guests! How many? +The staff and guests! How many? Now we have eight hundred guests and one hundred staff. I have ten minutes left. +Paul, are you there? Yes, thank you Mr. President. +Yes, thank you Mr. President. Paul, if you have one call in all the world to stop this, who would you call? +The French. They supply the Rwandan army. Paul, do everything you can to buy time. I will call you back. +For food and clothes, and all that grows, etc, etc. Dear Lord, thank you. Thank you, Roger. +Why the hurry, Roger? Simon has a new pet. Can I go see it? +Simon has a new pet. Can I go see it? No, I don't want you going on the street. +No, I don't want you going on the street. Please, papa, I have a secret path. +Please, papa, I have a secret path. Who is this Simon? +There are soldiers. Where? +Where? On the street. +Moses, Moses Seradungu. Can I help you? +Can I help you? I'm looking for Moses Seradungu's room. +I'm looking for Moses Seradungu's room. What is his room number? +What is his room number? I don't know. +I don't know. Go downstairs, I will help you. +Take a bow, Steven, you've outdone yourself tonight -- scared holy hell out of even me. If that's the fact, Price, okay, you've had your fun -- now open the goddamn -- +"We'd've been splitsville years ago, with me the richest single woman in recorded history -- but Steven doesn't ""believe"" in divorce." Not too big on it myself -- but then again, not on marriage either. +Not too big on it myself -- but then again, not on marriage either. Oh, he's got no problem with that: I'm his fourth. +Oh, he's got no problem with that: I'm his fourth. I'm confused. +I'm confused. No need for divorce and that messy division-of-assets thing when they kick before you do. +Easy. You've got to keep still for a bit, the last thing we need is a coronary. You're the Doctor, sweetheart. 'Guess the atropine worked, then. +You're the Doctor, sweetheart. 'Guess the atropine worked, then. Convinced all those that needed convincing: you're an official dead lady. +Convinced all those that needed convincing: you're an official dead lady. And what's Steven's status? +And what's Steven's status? Still alive, but it's just a matter of time. And then will come your miraculous resurrection -- +Still alive, but it's just a matter of time. And then will come your miraculous resurrection -- "-- ""oh, no, Officer, I'm very much alive -- just a joke to beat my husband at his own clever game -- What? What do you mean he's dead? It's all my fault, I may as well have killed him myself!""" +"-- ""oh, no, Officer, I'm very much alive -- just a joke to beat my husband at his own clever game -- What? What do you mean he's dead? It's all my fault, I may as well have killed him myself!""" """But you didn't, Ma'am. We have all these witnesses that saw..."" well, whoever it ends up being that finally shoots him --" +"""But you didn't, Ma'am. We have all these witnesses that saw..."" well, whoever it ends up being that finally shoots him --" -- the James Dean wannabe with the hair trigger -- +-- the James Dean wannabe with the hair trigger -- "-- or might turn out to be -- very big surprise -- that Jenzen girl. The little bitch has the right stuff. She nearly put a bullet in Price right after your ""demise.""" +"-- or might turn out to be -- very big surprise -- that Jenzen girl. The little bitch has the right stuff. She nearly put a bullet in Price right after your ""demise.""" So what stopped her? +So what stopped her? It's complicated. But don't worry -- +It's complicated. But don't worry -- -- there's already been way too many complications for a very simple plan. You ever find out what happened to Melissa Marr? +-- there's already been way too many complications for a very simple plan. You ever find out what happened to Melissa Marr? Not yet. +Not yet. So we don't even know if she's alive or dead -- +So we don't even know if she's alive or dead -- -- Price killed her, there's no other explanation -- +-- Price killed her, there's no other explanation -- -- there's plenty: for all we know, Steven's got her spying on us right now -- +-- there's plenty: for all we know, Steven's got her spying on us right now -- -- bullshit -- +-- bullshit -- -- the whole thing is falling apart! +It's not, baby. Just a matter of minutes now, before somebody pulls the trigger -- -- but nobody has yet, Donald. They just haven't been brought to that breaking point. They have to believe proof-positive that their lives are in danger. +-- but nobody has yet, Donald. They just haven't been brought to that breaking point. They have to believe proof-positive that their lives are in danger. How much more do they need than your death at his hands? +How much more do they need than your death at his hands? But they didn't see it happen, they still have doubts. What we need is another body, and Steven's bloody hands right next to it! +But they didn't see it happen, they still have doubts. What we need is another body, and Steven's bloody hands right next to it! And how the hell are we going to do that? +And how the hell are we going to do that? Okay: this may sound crazy, but -- +If you don't mind me asking... Who are you? Name's Pritchett. Watson Pritchett. I own the house, my father built it. And now I just need to get you into it. So... +More of Price's spook-house bullshit. Not at all! +"Part of the original structure. When it was still an asylum. Guy who ran the place -- Dr. Vannacutt -- found it ""inspirational."" From some German cathedral a million years ago: ""Driving the Demons From the Mind.""" I'm moved beyond words. +Mr. Price? Mrs. Price? Somebody? Hello?? Pritchett, take it down a couple hundred decibels, what is your problem? +Pritchett, take it down a couple hundred decibels, what is your problem? Problem? No problem -- just want to get my money and get on home -- you know, things to see, people to do? +Why in God's name wasn't this thing removed years ago?? "It was on my Dad's list of ""things to do."" But the House did him first." +Jesus H. Christ! Oh dear. +Oh dear. If you don't calm the hell down I'm gonna strap you in for electro-shock! +Looks like we're it. More to the point. Where's our host? +Oh, for chrissake -- -- uh, excuse me, just one quick question? How long before this damn thing unseals itself? +Something just must've...frightened her, that's all. Yeah...something. +More the merrier. No. I'm going back to try and find Ms. Marr. If she's hurt, I'll tend to her. Dead, then I'm coming back for him. +Now what do we do? We've got to hold him somewhere 'til the police -- "-- the ""Saturation Chamber."" Where he wanted to put me." +Don't think it'll be a problem. C'mon. +What are you playing here, Price? A very, very scary game. But then look at the bright side: if there's only one of you still upright at dawn, you'll be leaving here with five million dollars in your pocket. +Just for the record: what are the rest of your names? Donald W. Blackburn, M.D. +You're not my list. I got an engraved -- literally -- invitation -- with my name -- +I got an engraved -- literally -- invitation -- with my name -- -- I'm sure you did. +There must be some other way out. Well, until that's found, I think it's a good idea we all stick together. Or wouldn't that fit into your plans, baby? +Melissa! Ms. Marr! +What? Is she alright? +Even if I were inclined, I've had better -- and a lot safer -- opportunities to kill off a wife. Three times, to be exact. +Three times, to be exact. Excuse me? +Excuse me? Accidents. Fatal. Each of your prior wives, so we've been informed. +Accidents. Fatal. Each of your prior wives, so we've been informed. Can't imagine by who. I don't suppose the truth would interest you: that I've never had another wife but Evelyn. +Where is it?? I don't know!! +I'm sorry -- -- she's not dead! Just have to get her heart pumping aqain! +Upstairs, too. Come with me, I'll show you another body, a friend of mine named Schecter -- -- what was he doing here? +-- what was he doing here? Running all the bells and whistles we set up to scare hell out of everybody -- +Oh, really: who? Didn't catch his or her name, just followed them down here. Somebody all in white surgical gown. +If there really is someone else in this house, I think the four of us can handle the situation. I think one of you has been part and parcel of making this situation! +Nice touch, Pritchett: subtle. As a tumor. +This thing's going nowhere. If this is someone's idea of a joke -- +Put it this way: if it's your face on that tape, Mr. Moses, we're one gunshot away from solving all our problems -- -- fuck you! +Yeah, what the hell, I'll go. Yeah, me too. +-- I did: down here. And I think that's case -- +Shouldn't somebody like, stand guard or something -- just in case? I'll stay, if it'll ease your mind. +I'll stay, if it'll ease your mind. You sure? You'll be alright by yourself? +I wanna know first: to what do I owe this honor? I mean, I never even heard of this guy. I'm just the Greeter -- and in that capacity, I now urge you all strongly to -- +'Less the place really is haunted. Nonsense! Just bad press. All the deaths that occurred inside -- my own father's included -- all perfectly normal fatal accidents. +You're totally full of shit, aren't you? You'll never know 'til you walk through that door! +You said that was an accident. I lied. The House is alive and we're all gonna die. +So, what? You're saying we're stuck here the rest of our lives? A cleaning crew's supposed to arrive at 9:30 tomorrow morning -- I think the power of the house fades at dawn. +A cleaning crew's supposed to arrive at 9:30 tomorrow morning -- I think the power of the house fades at dawn. -- well, let's hear it for small miracles -- +-- well, let's hear it for small miracles -- -- but I imagine we'll all be mutilated beyond recognition by then. +What's in there? Nothing. +What is it? What's in there? The Soul of the House. Everything that's corrupt about it... My father trapped it in there just before he died. You see, he purchased the house to restore it... We were going to live here... Nothing can live here. I was just a kid... The first time I saw it, I thought it was beautiful... It was just a dark mist turning into the corner of the room... then it started to move... then death started to happen... First the workers.. six in all... then my father... +So you're saying as long as that door stays locked, we're okay? Hell NO!! The House will kill ya! +"New wrinkle on an old theory for treating schizophrenia. 19th Century, I think: what would drive a sane man mad should make a madman sane. The Vannacutt version was: bombard the patient with aural and visual stimuli far more frightening than any hallucination they could ever produce, it'd traumatize 'em back to ""normalcy.""" Did it work? +Hey! Where'd you guys go? Left, goddamnit! +-- of this place, goddamnit, Pritchett! Yes. +What's down there? The...Fourth of July. +Shit, Pritchett!!! Price didn't make the guest list... The house did. It wants vengeance. +Price didn't make the guest list... The house did. It wants vengeance. How's a goddamn building gonna send out invitations? +How's a goddamn building gonna send out invitations? What's life, anyway? Waves...? Sound...? Light...? Electricity...? I don't know... Phone lines...? +Oh. Jesus. Poor Mr. Price -- +Uhhhh... What? +What? Okay -- I'll admit it: I'm totally, clinically insane. But I'm still the only one who actually got a check tonight. It's yours -- if you just get me the hell out of here now. +Hail Mary, full of grace -- the house is growing! It's not going to let us out! +If you know where it is, get there! Me? You've gotta be kidding. +Pritchett, is that you? Up here -- +Pritchett! Over here! +Right here, Mr. Pritchett. As well as five other bona fide, bank drafts for one million dollars each. Made out to cash. And we get this money when? +And we get this money when? The second the sun hits tomorrow morning. Assuming you have stayed the entire night - and you're still alive, of course. Any other questions? +This is nuts. "Yeah. But, hey, anybody who's not ""comfortable"" with the rules, you're free to walk, anytime. Seven digits poorer, goes without saying." +I'll meet you down there. Take the gun. +Evelyn, could you just zip it for a moment? It looks like we're stuck here 'til morning -- let's make the best of it. Best of a nightmare. +Married. Once. Same woman. All these years. She just slithered up the stairs. Prove it. +Prove it. Prove it how? +Oh, Jesus.... Adrenaline -- in your bag, Blackburn, you must have -- +-- the stained glass -- -- yeah, we did that -- +-- closed. Pritchett, you're not joining this necktie party? +Is she...alright? I thought she was dead. For sure. +And you're not really as large and useless as you seem. I'm better than that. +I'm better than that. Don't push it. +Three steps forward -- I want to get up there. Why? +Why? This whole place can't be wired to just one circuit -- +Thanks. Most fun I've had all day. +Most fun I've had all day. You need to get out more. +What? Deep down inside? Start with the name you were born with, and we'll work forward from there. +Start with the name you were born with, and we'll work forward from there. I told you already: Jennifer Jenzen, Executive V.P. of -- +I told you already: Jennifer Jenzen, Executive V.P. of -- I don't think so... +I don't think so... Why not? +Why not? Most of my business is making deliveries to high rollers. And I have yet to meet one Executive who could tie their own shoes -- let alone rewire an entire house. You don't fit the bill -- not even close. +Most of my business is making deliveries to high rollers. And I have yet to meet one Executive who could tie their own shoes -- let alone rewire an entire house. You don't fit the bill -- not even close. There's always exceptions. +There's always exceptions. Not in the movie biz. So, c'mon, gimme the truth. +Well, she went somewhere! She didn't just up and disappear into thin air! No...not air -- +How you gonna manage that with a new blow-hole in your dome? Hey, if everybody's gonna kill each other, could you do it in another room? I'm trying to get something accomplished here. +What the hell good is fixing that gonna get us? An answer, I hope: exactly what -- or who -- Melissa was taping. +An answer, I hope: exactly what -- or who -- Melissa was taping. And then where are we? +You hear somebody? No -- keep pulling, it's moving! +We can do it... Sure, with three days and a blowtorch. +Sure, with three days and a blowtorch. It's a thousand years old -- we just need a crowbar or something to get leverage -- the sucker'll pop! +It's a thousand years old -- we just need a crowbar or something to get leverage -- the sucker'll pop! No prob: I'll just hop down the hardware store -- +No prob: I'll just hop down the hardware store -- -- no. The basement -- the room with all the controls to this thing: big long iron levers just lying there -- +-- no. The basement -- the room with all the controls to this thing: big long iron levers just lying there -- -- not a chance -- there's too much weirdness down there I don't think even bullets are gonna stop. +-- not a chance -- there's too much weirdness down there I don't think even bullets are gonna stop. You're starting to sound like Pritchett. +I was upstairs with Eddie -- -- that's the fact, bud -- +-- that's the fact, bud -- -- where the hell were you? +-- you lose either way, Price -- -- listen to the man -- +I think we should have taken a right back there. Back where? +Good point. Let's try down here... +What are you looking for? Maybe there are notes or drawings of this place, showing how those plates work. +Cheery looking bunch. Better living through electricity. +Holy shit! Now we know how the guest list was made up. Look, these names... Head Nurse, Ruth-Ann Stockard... Bjorn Jensen, Electro Therapy... Jasper Marr, Thomas Steven Price... They're all here! Wait a minute... What are you saying? +Wait a minute... What are you saying? Everyone that was invited is related to one of the staff who was here when the place burned. There are five of us... +Or an on-line computer. That's crazy! +That's crazy! What about that other guy? +This is the best we're gonna do. It'll have to do. +Price!! He's gotta still be down here. +It's okay, everything's okay now. He's dead...? +Don't think it's even an issue. We're safe? +What -- -- was that?? +The opening's still too small, we'll never get through! For chrissake give me a hand! +No. It's just trying to frighten us. It's succeeding! +It's succeeding! All the plates sealing the windows and doors -- there's got to be some way of raising them manually. They didn't just appear out of thin air -- there's got to be pulleys, cables or something, that make them go up and down. +Where did it go? Run. +Run. What -- +You okay? Yeah. And under other abnormal circumstances, I think this would be the time to seriously jump your bones. +Yeah. And under other abnormal circumstances, I think this would be the time to seriously jump your bones. Better put it on hold 'til we find Pritchett. +Better put it on hold 'til we find Pritchett. I don't do groups. +What? Jesus! +...Jesus H. Christ. So where's the party? +"I knew this whole place'd be pure gold! Pritchett, point me in the direction of the goddamn ghosts! If I can get something bizarre enough on tape, I think I can parlay it into getting me some kind'a Robert Stack ""Unsolved Most- Wacked-Out Home Videos"" gig. No more five afternoons a week of sex-change- Nazis-and-the-lesbos-that-love-'em." You've got your own TV show? +You've got your own TV show? The guy whose hair I do has his own TV show. All I've got is a blow-dryer and a dream. +...birds. Just seagulls or something walking on the glass, goddammit. Cheer up: before the night's through, I'm sure one of us'll get hacked to pieces by somebody or something. +So, what? The thing with the glass? Price did that? I hope not. +Melissa Margaret Marr, Celebrity. Eddie Moses, Communications Attache -- which translated from ancient bullshit means: I work for a Messenger service. +Then what the hell are we doing here? How'd you make your guest list, Price: throw darts at a phone book? +-- forget it. Last birthday the Manson Family Ranch, the year before that: Jonestown. "Oh. You think this is a request. Well, think again. I'm telling you: ""Haunted Hill"" is exactly where we're having my party this year. You'll find the guest list on your desk by the time you get back --" +Don't touch me! I'm impressed: I don't think Evelyn's ever said those words to anything with genitalia. +I'm impressed: I don't think Evelyn's ever said those words to anything with genitalia. I'm not laughing, Steven. +I'm not laughing, Steven. You shouldn't be -- you were nearly just killed, sweetheart. And now that our birthday girl is finally here, let the games begin! +You shouldn't be -- you were nearly just killed, sweetheart. And now that our birthday girl is finally here, let the games begin! Haven't they already? +Could we have a word? Oh, I think we're going to have several. +I gave you a goddamn guest list two pages long -- where the hell are they? Shredded. Sorry. Decided to whip up one of my own: a group so hungry for money that they'd be willing to do anything. I thought you'd be more comfortable with your peers. +Shredded. Sorry. Decided to whip up one of my own: a group so hungry for money that they'd be willing to do anything. I thought you'd be more comfortable with your peers. I guess it was stupid of me not to expect something this twisted from you. Well, congratu-fucking-lations, Steven: Round One, you win. +I guess it was stupid of me not to expect something this twisted from you. Well, congratu-fucking-lations, Steven: Round One, you win. Well, not quite. See, those people down there: they aren't the ones I invited. +Well, not quite. See, those people down there: they aren't the ones I invited. Then who are they? +Then who are they? You tell me. I don't know how you managed to hack into my Mac, but: bravo. +You tell me. I don't know how you managed to hack into my Mac, but: bravo. What are you talking about? You think I invited them? +What are you talking about? You think I invited them? Sure know it wasn't me. And if you say it wasn't you -- then who the hell did, Evelyn? +Sure know it wasn't me. And if you say it wasn't you -- then who the hell did, Evelyn? It you really loved me, Steven, you'd find a way to drop dead in the next three seconds. +It you really loved me, Steven, you'd find a way to drop dead in the next three seconds. "Finding ways for me to die at these things is really your deal, isn't it? The ""O.J."" knife with the not-quite- retractable blade? Your ""Jim Jones Kool- Aid"" that was exactly that?" +"Finding ways for me to die at these things is really your deal, isn't it? The ""O.J."" knife with the not-quite- retractable blade? Your ""Jim Jones Kool- Aid"" that was exactly that?" All accidents until proven otherwise. +You know how happy I'd be if that was really true, Evelyn? And how positively goddamn delirious if you weren't fucking every living thing in our area code at the same goddamn time! Which part of that fantasy turns you on most: me with other men -- or just the other men? +Which part of that fantasy turns you on most: me with other men -- or just the other men? You know everything you do gets me hot. +-- just not always in the sexual sense. You're hurting me. +You're hurting me. I know. +Now, there's the simple country gal I married. Let's go back down and greet your guests -- show them the real you: corny as Kansas on the Fourth of July. My guests were shredded. It's your sick little scene now, Steven: enjoy. I'm going to go run scalding water on the places you just touched me, and then I'm calling a cab. +-- asking the wrong guy -- wasn't me who closed it. Sure it wasn't. Hey, anybody else here make their living with thrills'n'chills for the kiddies? Don't raise your hands all at once. +Sure it wasn't. Hey, anybody else here make their living with thrills'n'chills for the kiddies? Don't raise your hands all at once. Huh. And here I had a completely different theory. +Huh. And here I had a completely different theory. Really? Well, let it rip. +Really? Well, let it rip. Oh, no-no-no -- much more bang for everyone's buck to nail the bitch -- +Oh, no-no-no -- much more bang for everyone's buck to nail the bitch -- -- the sadistic prick -- +-- the sadistic prick -- -- in the act. +What are you talking about? Must be getting old, Stevie -- you're repeating yourself -- this is the exact same set-up you used for the Son-Of-Sam Hunt back in '94. Girlie, open up that casket there and see what you find. +So how's a girl to know if these things are loaded, baby? Only one way I can think of, Sweetheart. +And where are we off to, Mr. Price? Check the wiring on the animatronic Mummies? A simple leak, if it's okay with you. +Fine with me. Just somebody then better go and round up Melissa Marr. Where is she? +Where is she? Stalking the wild poltergeist. +Game, set and match, Steven. You've outdone yourself. And I know it's not good manners to ask the magician how he did it, but inquiring minds are desperate to know: just what did really happen to Ms. Marr? Asking the wrong person again. +Asking the wrong person again. I mean, did she stage it all for you and then go hide -- or did you just flat out kill the little bitch -- +I mean, did she stage it all for you and then go hide -- or did you just flat out kill the little bitch -- -- I pose you the same question -- +-- I pose you the same question -- -- and who's next on your list? +-- and who's next on your list? If I had one, Evelyn, I think you know who'd be first and last -- +If I had one, Evelyn, I think you know who'd be first and last -- -- oh, for chrissake, that's a given; we all know that knocking me off is the bottom line here -- +-- oh, for chrissake, that's a given; we all know that knocking me off is the bottom line here -- -- that wasn't my original plan, but it is starting to look more attractive -- +-- that wasn't my original plan, but it is starting to look more attractive -- -- thank you! All the cards finally on the goddamn table! +Jesus! Question answered. +Question answered. They weren't loaded when I put them in there! +They weren't loaded when I put them in there! Funky little house, ain't it? Friends, your hostess is now going to retire for what's left of the night. If you need me, I'll be in the bedroom upstairs -- but try and fight that need: the door'll be locked, I'll be trying to sleep, and if anyone so much as breathes in the keyhole, I'm gonna empty this thing into their fucking head. Thank you all for the bestest birthday a girl could have. +Steven -- -- anything, sweetheart, you need only speak -- +-- anything, sweetheart, you need only speak -- -- what...are...you...going...to -- +-- what...are...you...going...to -- -- just what you wanted everyone here to believe in the first place: I'm going to murder you, Evelyn, with the greatest of pleasure -- +-- just what you wanted everyone here to believe in the first place: I'm going to murder you, Evelyn, with the greatest of pleasure -- -- wit...nesses -- +-- wit...nesses -- -- witnesses to what? You're already dead, Evelyn! Happy Birthday, baby -- +No... No. OhmyGod, Pritchett was right -- The house IS haunted. +Evelyn... Get up... NOW! Steven?? +I don't know, Ms. Jenzen. Well, who's the damn thing from? +Well, who's the damn thing from? Messenger just dropped it off. No return address. +Messenger just dropped it off. No return address. You didn't think to ask? +You didn't think to ask? I was in the middle of -- +I was in the middle of -- -- being utterly fucking useless, what else is new. +You think this is fucking funny?? No, no, it's just -- +No, no, it's just -- -- well, here's a better one: you're fired. +-- well, here's a better one: you're fired. What? +What? And here's your goddamn severance! +...wow....WOW! Hey, Ms. Jenzen -- ? Are you still fucking here?? +Business or pleasure, Mr. Price? My wife. Where were we? +My wife. Where were we? "Your roller coaster that is, quote: ""unlike any that has ever come before it.""" +"Your roller coaster that is, quote: ""unlike any that has ever come before it.""" Absolutely. No cheap thrills. A genuine Journey To The Brink Of Madness. +Ever seen one that starts at the top? 20 stories worth of top? And then what happens? +And then what happens? I think it's something better experienced then described. +Sources have told this reporter that the real reason your Park's opening has been delayed was a near-fatal accident on one of the rides here. Comment? I wouldn't be opening this place tomorrow if every single thing down to the beheaded Beanie Babies hadn't tested 100% safe. +First time for everything. I've designed and built six of these places -- take my word for it, everything's fine. +Do something! Like what?? This isn't supposed to be happening!! +Please! Something! Oh-God! Maybe if I -- +She's been marked for it. The House does that. Happened to Pritchett's father. Likely happen to you all. Isn't that what you told me, Mr. Pritchett? I can't remember at the moment. +I'm ready now. Alright, Mr. Pritchett, let me just sign the damn thing. +-- it's getting older by the second. Mr. Price, if I could just please have -- Sorry, Pritchett, here you go. +I think you're gonna miss the bash of a lifetime -- -- my loss -- +-- my loss -- -- even if I give you a million as well? +-- even if I give you a million as well? Wouldn't know what to do with it all -- +Must be those plates -- interfering with the signal somehow. Not the plates: the House. Why is no one listening to me?? It's alive! And once it's made up its mind, it won't let anything out. +I think...I may have the answer. What? +What? I remember...it was a long time ago...my father said: when the House was finally completed, make sure...we-christen-it- with-this-bottle-of-dirt-cheap-champagne- that-should-still-be-in a cupboard somewhere! +House 2, Guests 0. "I think, Pritchett, we've got a situation here that even you can't explain away as ""ghosts."" This is ice- cold homicide by person -- or persons --" +-- then I guess then it had to be you. Sorry. Thank God -- I was afraid I'd be lynched without a quorum. +Vannacutt!! Or somebody wanting me to believe that. +He was right! Pritchett was right! I am. +Yeah. Why's there five checks? There's only four of us. You're forgetting my lovely wife; she's part of the same winner-take-all as the rest of you. +You're forgetting my lovely wife; she's part of the same winner-take-all as the rest of you. What're you talking about? +What're you talking about? Oh, sorry. Detail I guess I forgot to mention. You die, you lose. Your check gets divvied-up by those still amongst the living. +Jennifer-Jenzen-Executive-V.P.- Paragon-Pictures. Very good. Well, I think I can say with complete honesty: I've never heard of any of you. +This is all maybe getting a little too strange -- -- I wouldn't worry, Ms. Jenzen: the unexplainable will probably explain herself before too long. In the meantime, let's all relax, have a drink, the evening's young -- +Sorry. Good way to get your head blown off. +Good way to get your head blown off. I'll try not to remember to warn Evelyn. +What is it?? Something with the power, I don't know!! +I...don't think...anybody should be touching the body. I think I'll do what I damn well please. +-- the window and door grates -- -- no -- that's when everything went ragtime -- whoever else is in this house has been doing everything since -- I thought it was Evelyn -- +I was upstairs! I never saw you -- +If you've got a gun on you, Price, I'd hand it over now. Not just yet. Would any of you be interested in knowing exactly why I ended up here in the basement? +Not just yet. Would any of you be interested in knowing exactly why I ended up here in the basement? Fascinated. +Fascinated. I was chasing after somebody I saw in the salon. +Well, I don't. "Then just wait -- maybe this whoever's got you next on the Asylum's equipment- test list. Maybe a literal mind-blow inside the ""Saturation Chamber.""" +"Then just wait -- maybe this whoever's got you next on the Asylum's equipment- test list. Maybe a literal mind-blow inside the ""Saturation Chamber.""" I'll take my chances. +I'll take my chances. Well, I can't, sweetheart. +Don't test me, I'm real prepared to use this to stay alive -- -- confirming everything we already know -- +-- confirming everything we already know -- -- I'll take the chance, come morning and cops, I'll be proved right -- +-- listen to me, goddamnit -- -- no more -- +Then tell me, please -- help me...! Don't think so. Stay the fuck back. +Don't think so. Stay the fuck back. Please! I need your help. +Please! I need your help. Not even for a million dollars, Mr. Price. +Houston, I think we may have a problem. Evelyn, go stir your cauldron or something for a sec. +Problem where? Looked good to me. """Dummy 6"" keeps losing his arm." +"""Dummy 6"" keeps losing his arm." So disengage his Flail Arm Mechanism and just make him a screamer. +-- hey! Next time give me a couple seconds notice before you wing a gag like that! The lockdown thing. +The lockdown thing. I mean, not that it didn't give Evelyn the kind of coronary I had in mind, just... +I mean, not that it didn't give Evelyn the kind of coronary I had in mind, just... -- it wasn't me. +-- it wasn't me. Rewind that. +Rewind that. I was just sitting here -- it happened. I had nothing to do with it. +I was just sitting here -- it happened. I had nothing to do with it. Then who did?? +Then who did?? No idea. I didn't even know the damn thing still worked! +No idea. I didn't even know the damn thing still worked! It works. +It works. Maybe it was just its time to finally fall apart. +Maybe it was just its time to finally fall apart. No. Somehow -- I don't know how -- she did it. +No. Somehow -- I don't know how -- she did it. Pretty amazing feat: all that shit down the basement and your wife's up in the bedroom the whole time. +Pretty amazing feat: all that shit down the basement and your wife's up in the bedroom the whole time. Don't take your eyes off her for a second. I think she just declared War. +But the million bucks each, that's for real? It better be -- he still owes me $25 grand for renting the place for the night! Here, let's get you some illumination so you can make your way safely! +Wish I could take the credit, but -- -- guess we know where Mr. Price is now. +-- guess we know where Mr. Price is now. He must've beaten us all here! +Of course he did, for God's sake. Didn't he, Mr. Pritchett? I can't comment until I get paid. +Oh, no. What's going on? +Don't know that it does. Well, then, how 'bout maybe we call someone? +Well, then, how 'bout maybe we call someone? Hasn't been a telephone in this House in over 60 years. +Won't do any good. Why not? +Uh, excuse me? Don't think I'm not having the time of my life watching this train wreck that's your marriage -- but this isn't what I had in mind... I want to know that we can get out of here if we need to. Believe me, we need to. +Believe me, we need to. "Pritchett, this ""lockdown"" thing -- it's gotta have like a master control -- you know machinery, gears, whatever -- somewhere in this place?" +"Pritchett, this ""lockdown"" thing -- it's gotta have like a master control -- you know machinery, gears, whatever -- somewhere in this place?" The basement -- but, believe me, you don't want to go down there. +The basement -- but, believe me, you don't want to go down there. No, you don't want to go down there. I am going down there. And I'm going to find reverse on this thing and floor it. +No, you don't want to go down there. I am going down there. And I'm going to find reverse on this thing and floor it. You'll never find it, it's a maze down there. +You'll never find it, it's a maze down there. Well, that leaves you with two options then, doesn't it: either show me where and maybe we get out of here -- or it's spend-the-night-sleep-tight. +You should really open this place to the public, Pritchett -- a spa for people without enough stress in their lives. I said we shouldn't come down here. Very treacherous -- physical and metaphysical levels, both. There've been no refurbishments to this part of the house -- it's exactly as it was in 1931. +Ghosts killed your father? Not ghosts... at least not what you're thinking... Vannacutt used to dump the bodies of his failed experiments somewhere in the house... +Not ghosts... at least not what you're thinking... Vannacutt used to dump the bodies of his failed experiments somewhere in the house... And you think it's in there? +And you think it's in there? Accumulated evil... festering for decades... But I'm a drunk... so don't listen to me. +There is something very not normal going on here! This? This is nothing. You've only been dealing with the House itself. You have no idea what you're tinkering with. Sooner or later, the darkness that is at the core will get out... One of you will release it... Not meaning to, of course... then... ...Bye, bye, Miss American Pie... +This? This is nothing. You've only been dealing with the House itself. You have no idea what you're tinkering with. Sooner or later, the darkness that is at the core will get out... One of you will release it... Not meaning to, of course... then... ...Bye, bye, Miss American Pie... "Pritchett, what is this ""core of darkness""?" +"Pritchett, what is this ""core of darkness""?" I thought you understood.... It's the souls of Vannacutt's dead... The insanity... The horror... Victims burned alive... All that pain percolating somewhere in the house for seventy-some years... ...singing this will be the day that I die... This will be the day that I.... +You coming, or are you waiting for Blackburn? Blackburn's dead. +Blackburn's dead. Excuse me? +Excuse me? He would have been back by now. +Price! Oh, dear. +Pritchett: what is going on? He must've unsealed the room! +He must've unsealed the room! How, he's supposed to be dead! +-- hey! -- -- ten. +-- Eddie!! Over here. +Please.....anyone....help me? Melissa...? +Melissa...? For the love of God....please...? +For the love of God....please...? Melissa, it's Sara -- is that you? +Melissa, it's Sara -- is that you? Sara...? +Sara...? Keep talking, I'll find you! +Keep talking, I'll find you! Something....happened -- +Something....happened -- -- I'm coming -- +-- I'm coming -- -- something horrible...I don't understand -- +I feel something. It's faint, but...it's there... You say you saw some activity here? +Damn it. What's the matter? +What's the matter? These records only go back to 1880. But... ...wait a minute... +Did you find something? I did a cross search, death certificates with this address. James and Marion Foster. They had a daughter. Right here, it says James died, 1882, pneumonia. Marion dies September the next year. Suicide. +It doesn't say. But that's not what interests me. There's no death certificate for the daughter. Anywhere. What was her name? +What was her name? Colleen. +So many unanswered questions. Why was she buried there. And who killed her? It might have been her mother. +It might have been her mother. We don't have proof of that. +We don't have proof of that. The style of dress on the girl... it coincides with the era Marion Foster killed herself. Who else could have gone in there and done something like that? +They don't build them like this anymore. Suppose not. +Town records are coming up now. What will they tell you? +What will they tell you? I'll be able to do a search, to find out who lived here previously. And who died here. +I have to admit you really have a beautiful home. Thank you. If you told me two years ago we'd be living here, I would never have believed it. Do you live around here? +Thank you. If you told me two years ago we'd be living here, I would never have believed it. Do you live around here? No, I live about in Wexford. It's about a five hour drive. +How did you meet Dr. Shea? There were a series of lectures about parapsychology at my university. I went and heard him speak, and became fascinated with the idea of hunting ghosts. +There were a series of lectures about parapsychology at my university. I went and heard him speak, and became fascinated with the idea of hunting ghosts. I have to admit I was skeptical. Until now. +I have to admit I was skeptical. Until now. So was I. The usual investigation turns up nothing more times than not. +So was I. The usual investigation turns up nothing more times than not. Well, I guess this whole thing was as strange for you as it was for us. +Well, I guess this whole thing was as strange for you as it was for us. Yes. It was. +It looks delicious... Why don't you pass me your plate? +Did you find her?! No! +Are you all right? A few years older, perhaps. +A few years older, perhaps. How's your arm? +It will heal. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. There's no need to be. +Good-bye. Good-bye. +May you find the peace you've sought in vain for so long. That poor little girl. +Where does this amulet come from? It's origin is unknown. The symbol does correspond to a dagger I acquired many years ago. +The dagger is used to free those possessed if stabbed directly into the heart, according to ancient beliefs - By killing them? +By killing them? By freeing them. +By freeing them. I don't understand. +I don't understand. The knife destroys the evil and saves the soul of the possessed. +What do these ingredients mean? Pearl, is the twilight, the divinity... Onyx is the sickle, death... +Can we leave out a bowl of milk, mommy? Sure. +Mommy, the leprechauns drank the milk last night. Well I bet you they're happy. +Can I do it again tonight? We'll have every leprechaun in Ireland here honey. +Don't play games with me, little girl. I didn't do anything, mommy. +I didn't do anything, mommy. Well then who did?! +Well then who did?! Maybe it was Colleen... +Maybe it was Colleen... Who...is Colleen? +It's going to hurt us! No it won't - no it won't! +Honey, isn't your friend's name Colleen? Yes. +Can you talk to her? She talks to me. +She's down... She's down...how do you mean honey? +Aubrey, come on down and have some dinner! Ok... +My angel! I'm scared! +Are we leaving mommy? Yes, we'll be leaving soon. +Where are we going to go, mommy? We're going to go someplace new. +We're going to go someplace new. What about all my other stuff? +What about all my other stuff? We'll get it later. +H-how long will it take? Go to your room! Now! +Your father doesn't love us anymore! What do you mean? Mommy? You're scaring me! +Oh my God, what happened to you? My baby - I'm ok mommy. +She says she's lonely... Where is she? +Where is she? She's here. +She's here. Where is she now? +Where is she now? She's hiding. +She's down. Help her... Take me to her. +Help me! Please!!! My God, I heard something! +Can I have this room daddy? Sure. Did you see the others? +Sure. Did you see the others? I want this one, daddy. +I want this one, daddy. Ok. If you want this room, you can have it. +What's he doing daddy? He's blessing the house. +He's blessing the house. Why? +Why? For good luck honey. +Did you grow up in Ireland mister? That's father, Aubrey. SEAMUS Well yes I did. Lived here my whole life. +That's father, Aubrey. SEAMUS Well yes I did. Lived here my whole life. Did you ever see a leprechaun? +Look daddy! It's empty! That's great, honey. +We're here Aubrey! Look, don't be afraid. We want you to come back to us... It's dark! I can't breathe! +I can't move! Fight it back Aubrey. Fight it back as hard as you can! +Mommy please help me! Don't be afraid! +Don't be afraid! Daddy, please!!! +Oh my God! She's in there! Daddy help! +Are we going back to California daddy? Well, that all depends. +Good night Angel... Good night daddy. +Mommy! Aubrey run! Aubrey stares in horror at Maura - just then the knife FADES AWAY as Maura rolls over, returned to normal - +I could use a little help. We have to return the van soon. Ok ok...we're just gonna head inside here... +Now remember we have to call someone about that replacing that water heater. Yeah I'll look into that tonight. +Yeah I'll look into that tonight. I hope we have more success than we did with the cleaning service. +I hope we have more success than we did with the cleaning service. The place is pretty dusty. +The place is pretty dusty. Well the realtor said that was going to be taken care of and it wasn't. I'll have to call her. +Well the realtor said that was going to be taken care of and it wasn't. I'll have to call her. Who knows... we have to get used to living around here. Maybe good help is hard to find. +Who knows... we have to get used to living around here. Maybe good help is hard to find. Must be... +What's the matter? Will, maybe we should have separate bedrooms for a while. +Will, maybe we should have separate bedrooms for a while. Oh come on... +Oh come on... I just, I don't know... +I just, I don't know... What will Aubrey think? +What will Aubrey think? Aubrey knows more about us than you think. +Well maybe we don't need to remind her of it. She has a lot more to adjust to...new friends, new schools...it would be good if she had a stable family environment. You didn't think much about that before. +You didn't think much about that before. Look, I thought we were all right on this, Maura. It's over. You know that. +It's just going to take a while. Whatever you say. +To our family. To our family. +I wish I knew more about her. Did anyone in your family keep in touch with her? +Did anyone in your family keep in touch with her? Not really. She was just one of those names you hear growing up. You know, so-and-so who lives in Ireland. I really don't think anyone knew about this place. +Not really. She was just one of those names you hear growing up. You know, so-and-so who lives in Ireland. I really don't think anyone knew about this place. Or what she was worth. +God rest her soul. I don't think she willed it to me out of sentiment. She didn't even know who I was. It's just... tradition. +Are you playing tricks on me? What? +What? It's not going to work. I'm too smart for you. +What the hell is that? I don't know. That's strange. +No. Maybe it was Aubrey. She's asleep. I think that's what I need, too. I'm starting to see things. +She's asleep. I think that's what I need, too. I'm starting to see things. Yeah, well I'll be joining you shortly. I just want to... +...set up some more things. Ok. +The heater's here. Were you fooling with the power? +Were you fooling with the power? No. +No. Didn't you just see the power go off and on? I just had a bulb break on me! +What is it? It was in the cellar. Weird. +It was in the cellar. Weird. Well something just happened to the power upstairs... Maura heads off and shakes her head, troubled by the event - +Weird sounds, things moving, lights going off. The videotape... So what are you saying? +So what are you saying? I don't know what I'm saying. +But do you agree with me? Yeah, I'd say some weird things have happened. +Yeah, I'd say some weird things have happened. Well what do you think it is? +Well, I try to keep an open mind, but... Maybe Eliza wasn't so crazy after all. +Maybe Eliza wasn't so crazy after all. There's got to be an explanation. It could be a magnetic flux or something, maybe the power lines are giving off something. Who knows? I don't know, I think it's kind of interesting. +There's got to be an explanation. It could be a magnetic flux or something, maybe the power lines are giving off something. Who knows? I don't know, I think it's kind of interesting. Well what power lines, Will? Where? Maybe we should call someone about it. +Well what power lines, Will? Where? Maybe we should call someone about it. Who? +Who? I don't know. Someone who...knows about this kind of stuff. +I don't know. Someone who...knows about this kind of stuff. Oh come on! +Oh come on! What about keeping an open mind? +Just because I have an open mind doesn't mean I'm going to pay some snake oil peddler to come in and shake a voodoo stick around the house. Voodoo stick? It's nothing like that Will. You're just being cynical. +Voodoo stick? It's nothing like that Will. You're just being cynical. I'm being realistic. Look, I have a spiritual side. I mean, we had a priest come in and bless the house. That should count for something. +It just disappeared. Literally. I'm sure this sounds crazy to you. +Whoa there... Are you ok? +What are you talking about? She has a...friend. Colleen. +She has a...friend. Colleen. A friend? +A friend? You, an imaginary friend. That's what she calls her. +How are we doing? I think everything's ready. +I think everything's ready. Good. I'll start bringing things in. +Oh my God where is she! She's gone! +She's gone! Aubrey?! Aubrey?! +Aubrey! Aubrey! +It doesn't matter to me. What do you mean by that? You seem to appreciate the local scenery. +I'm fine. Ok... +You know, I was thinking... All that stuff father Seamus said...about discord, distrust... we're doing all right, aren't we? You don't have any doubts about me, do you? Should I... +Should I... No. You two are the most important things in my life. I don't ever want to lose you. +You don't think I know? Know what? +Do you think I'm a fool? What? +What? Nothing's changed, has it. You still want to deceive me? +Nothing's changed, has it. You still want to deceive me? What are you talking about? +Maura, what is this! We're not going. +We're not going. Not going! Are you out of your mind?! Wait! +We'll destroy you...destroy all of you! No... NO! +Maura! What's happening! +Are you all right? I'm ok. +You're bleeding. I'm all right... +Not at all. I'm just trying to put together all the evidence, to determine what it could possibly be. Well that's what we're here for. I mean - +We don't know. I could see if I detect the presence of something. +I think we should do it. We're usually successful in detecting the source of most problems. Unfortunately. +We're usually successful in detecting the source of most problems. Unfortunately. What do you mean, unfortunately? +What do you mean, unfortunately? We usually find nothing. We've debunked many a reported haunting. About ninety five percent of the cases had some technical explanation. +We usually find nothing. We've debunked many a reported haunting. About ninety five percent of the cases had some technical explanation. What about the other five percent? +Where is your daughter? She might be able to give us some information. She's at school. We've tried not to upset her more than she's been. +Ok, so we have a...presence. What do we do about it? If we have a troubled spirit here, we have to find out why it's troubled. +I'm not sure, but I can check. Did the events start before or after you discovered this? Before. +You've done your homework, Mrs. South. Maura. +Maura. Maura. +Maura. Yeah, they told us this was the best. +I'm hungry enough to eat a horse. You'll have to settle for turkey. +Is white meat all right for you, Mr. Shea? White meat will be fine... +You must be a Londrigan. Yes, I am. +...at her request. She was a very religious woman. Oh, that's nice... +Oh, that's nice... May I come in? +Thank you. I believe she would have wanted it. Did you know her very well? +She attended the church for years. A dear woman, it was sad to see her decline so rapidly. It was a shame. +It was a shame. In her later years she would often get very disoriented being alone here. She would call me, and I would come by. +Well it's nice that you were there for her. I took pity on the poor woman. This house is too big for one person to live alone in... +Your daughter's been taken. What! +I'm going to need some blood. It must be from a woman. Why? +Why? The blood of a woman is birth, life. It is part of the ceremony. Seamus offers up the pin - Maura waits a beat, then takes it - +Now you must listen to me. This force is like a parasite, or a virus. It feeds on doubt, suspicion, discord... you must clear your mind as we reach out for her. So what should we do, father? +Go ahead. I believe right now she may hear you. Aubrey? It's mommy. +Concentrate! She can hear you! Come back to us honey, don't be afraid! +She's coming back. Keep talking! Come back to us honey! +You must be the new tenants. And you...are? +My name is Father Seamus. I'm from Holy Rood church. How can I help you? +What was she afraid of? Well, I believe her mind was playing tricks on her, God rest her soul. She would hear things, see things... +Did you have dinner, father? We have plenty. Well thank you for the offer, But I really have to go. +I hope everything works out for you, and you find happiness in your new home. Thank you. +Thank you. Perhaps I'll see you in church. +Well there's no time like the present. Good night. Good night. +We'll never know for sure. Hopefully the whole sad chapter is over. And everyone, including your family, will find peace. WILL I just want to...thank all of you, for everything you've done for us. +This isn't happening... The amulet... +What...amulet? Did you remove anything in the cellar! +I said nothing before, for fear you wouldn't believe me. I've been here before to cast evil from this house. The amulet is a guard against evil, blessed in countless rituals. It is an ancient ceremony of the early Catholic church, a ceremony whose secrets are all but lost. So what does that have to do with Aubrey! Where is she! +So what does that have to do with Aubrey! Where is she! We must return it, if you want your daughter back. +We must return it, if you want your daughter back. What are you getting at! +What are you getting at! I said nothing before, for fear you wouldn't believe me. I've exorcised forces from this house. Eliza knew, she was there. It wants another soul, the one we've taken away. We must weaken it! +How long will it take! It will not take long... +Keep talking! It can't hurt you if you're not afraid Aubrey. Think about us. We're here for you, we love you... +The rain is letting up. Yes it is. Will and Seamus look at each other - +Yes it is. Will and Seamus look at each other - I don't know what happened... and I don't know what you did... +I don't know what happened... and I don't know what you did... I didn't do anything...God saved her... +I didn't do anything...God saved her... What's going to happen? +What's going to happen? I wish I had an answer. Evil is powerful, more so every day it seems. But I believe the worst for you and for this house is behind us. +Take care of the girl. Take care of your family. They are important. Yes, they are. +Well, you know where to reach me. The church is a stone's throw away if you want to come to mass. We'll be there. +No. But I'm a clairvoyant. I can sometimes talk to unhappy spirits inhabiting a certain place. Oh. +Well it all depends on how much money you want to spend. A standard visit would run you about fifty pounds. That would include myself and an assistant. And what would you do? +And what would you do? Well, we could bring in special equipment, monitors, sound devices, things like that. +Looks like we have some animal hairs in here. Maybe some kind of a rodent. So is that what all this is? Someone have a problem with us living here? +So is that what all this is? Someone have a problem with us living here? Not someone. Something. I've never felt a presence that strong before. +Do you have any other physical evidence, that we can look at? Not really. Oh, wait a minute. +Where did you find this? It was nailed to the cellar wall. +It was nailed to the cellar wall. I see some faint lettering. It appears to be the...Runic alphabet? +I see some faint lettering. It appears to be the...Runic alphabet? Runic? +Do you mind if I borrow it? Not at all, if it can help. +There's something in there. What? +What? There's something through that wall! +There's something through that wall! Well what is it! +Well what is it! I don't know! Trust what I'm saying, we have to open this wall! +What do you mean? I mean hardly any thigh. I'm telling you, Joey; shorter skirt, more lift on the leg-cross ... and you're made. +What, you think I'm kidding? I guarantee it. An inch more flank. Boys upstairs get hot. Bingo, you're an anchor-woman. Jesus Christ ... +C'mon, Joey. I'm just trying to help you hit a home run here. Yeah? Well, you just struck out. It may be a surprise to you, Brad, but I want to do it the right way. Not tight skirts. Tight stories. +Yeah? Well, you just struck out. It may be a surprise to you, Brad, but I want to do it the right way. Not tight skirts. Tight stories. Right. Like last night's doozie. +Right. Like last night's doozie. I know what I saw. +I know what I saw. And I believe what you say. But this is TV. No pictures, no story. +Not on station time. No. Not on station time. My story. My time. +I know. I know. But it's just so ... neat, isn't it? The first gig that isn't cute kids or diet gurus and it's taken away from me. Yeah, well like you said - it's a mystery. But that's all it is. Mystery. Not malice. What, you think the station paid off every accident victim in the city to ... ? +Better hurry, Doc. A real story. With a real reporter. Joey .... Look, you wanna ride? I can go by your place. +Joey .... Look, you wanna ride? I can go by your place. You'd lose the money-shots. No. I'll catch a bus. Or a cab. Don't worry about it. Go. +You'd lose the money-shots. No. I'll catch a bus. Or a cab. Don't worry about it. Go. OK. Be careful. And lighten up. Story of your life could be right round the corner. +OK. Be careful. And lighten up. Story of your life could be right round the corner. That is the story of my life. +Hello? You wanted a story. You got it. Turn on the TV now. And then get your ass down here ... ... +You wanted a story. You got it. Turn on the TV now. And then get your ass down here ... ... Doc? ... Doc ... Hello? +Wait ... wait. You ... you have to help me. I don't understand. Am I dreaming this? You have to help me. You will understand. And no, you're not dreaming. Do you know where we are? +You have to help me. You will understand. And no, you're not dreaming. Do you know where we are? It's ... I don't know. First World War, right? +It's ... I don't know. First World War, right? Correct. The fields of France. And many dead flowers ... Oh. Forgive me. My name was Spenser. Elliott Spenser. Captain. +Well done. Brave girl. You've probably never shaken hands with a ghost before, am I right? Captain Spenser. Elliott. I ... What the Hell is going on? +Captain Spenser. Elliott. I ... What the Hell is going on? Hell is precisely what is going on, Joey. And we have to stop it. I because of a special obligation, you because you're the only person who can help. And because you know what is right, and just, and true. Will you walk with me a while? +The war pulled poetry out of some of us. Others it affected differently. This is me a few years later. We're in India, by the way, and it's 1921. I was like many survivors. Lost souls with nothing left to believe in but gratification. We'd seen God fail, you see. So many dead. For us God, too, fell at Flanders. We adjusted to the loss. And if we mourned, we mourned in silence. Thousands drank themselves to death. Others went further. I went further. I thought I was a lost soul. But, until this frozen moment, I didn't even know what the phrase meant. And what is ... this frozen moment? +And what is ... this frozen moment? The cusp of my life. What I was, what I am, what I will be ... past, present, future, all bound here at this timeless moment of decision. I was an explorer of forbidden vices and pleasures. Opening the Box was my final act of exploration, of discovery. +The cusp of my life. What I was, what I am, what I will be ... past, present, future, all bound here at this timeless moment of decision. I was an explorer of forbidden vices and pleasures. Opening the Box was my final act of exploration, of discovery. And what did you discover? +Something bad. And why are you back? Why are we here? +Kirsty Cotton. Yes. But ... if your soul was freed, why are you back? Because - monster as I was - I was bound by Laws. The protocol of Hell. The Box had to be opened to let me out. The truly innocent were safe. That's no longer true. The shell of the beast has been fleshed. What I was is out there, Joey. In your world. Unbound. Unstoppable. +Because - monster as I was - I was bound by Laws. The protocol of Hell. The Box had to be opened to let me out. The truly innocent were safe. That's no longer true. The shell of the beast has been fleshed. What I was is out there, Joey. In your world. Unbound. Unstoppable. What will he do? What does he want? +What will he do? What does he want? He'll do what he does best. But he'll do it unfettered. He wants to walk the Earth forever, indulging his taste for all the myriad subtleties of human suffering. +He'll do what he does best. But he'll do it unfettered. He wants to walk the Earth forever, indulging his taste for all the myriad subtleties of human suffering. What can we do? +I like you, Joey. You ask all the right questions. There is something we can do but it will require great courage. I don't know ... +Joey, you walked through your window from one reality to another. You're stronger than you think. Then tell me what to do. +Then tell me what to do. This is his first night on Earth. He wants to close the door behind him. Like all Lieutenants, he covets command. There's a gateway to Hell through which he can be taken back. He has to destroy it. +This is his first night on Earth. He wants to close the door behind him. Like all Lieutenants, he covets command. There's a gateway to Hell through which he can be taken back. He has to destroy it. So where is it? +So where is it? Your apartment. +Wha .... ? The Box, Joey. He wants the Box. +It was off the statue. In the club. What happened to him? +Hold on. Hold on, please. I need talk to you. It's nothing to do with me. I wasn't even with him. +Look, lady! I told you! It's not my problem! I was just there! Where? +Under The Underground. Can I like GO now?! Under the Underground? What's that? Where is ... +Uh-huh? Uh ... Hi! Is this ... er ... Joanne Summerskill? +Uh ... Hi! Is this ... er ... Joanne Summerskill? Joey. Yeah, who is this? +You like ... left me a card? At the club? Right. Right! +Right ... So ... Well, what do you want? I want to talk to you. We met ... now, listen, don't hang up, OK? ... We met at the hospital last night. +I want to talk to you. We met ... now, listen, don't hang up, OK? ... We met at the hospital last night. Oh yeah. Yeah. Well ... Look, I'll make a deal with you ... My boyfriend threw me out, right? I'll trade you. You give me couch-space. I'll give you talk. OK? +Yeah. Sure. You mean ... tonight? Of course tonight. Is that a problem? Like, if you've got a guy there or something ... +Of course tonight. Is that a problem? Like, if you've got a guy there or something ... No. No. It's fine. Come now. I was having bad dreams anyway. +I put some decaf on. Er ... make yourself comfortable. Right. +What? Your dream. You said you were having a bad dream. +Your dream. You said you were having a bad dream. Oh yeah ... +... well, I've been having it for years. It's not a nightmare or anything. It's ... well, I know what it is. What is it? +What is it? Why are you so interested? +Why are you so interested? Sorry. +Sorry. No. No, it's OK. I ... It's my father. +No. No, it's OK. I ... It's my father. Oh, right. Did he used to ... ? +Oh, right. Did he used to ... ? God, no! Nothing like that. No, he died before I was born. He died in Vietnam. I never knew him. Never met him. We don't even know the details. I dream of battlefields. Of searching. Of trying to find out. +God, no! Nothing like that. No, he died before I was born. He died in Vietnam. I never knew him. Never met him. We don't even know the details. I dream of battlefields. Of searching. Of trying to find out. That's great. +That's great. What? +What? No ... I mean, it's not like great about your dad or anything. It's just I don't dream. Never have. ... Maybe it'd help if I slept sometime ... Just kidding ... No, so it's always neat for me to hear about dreams. I'm jealous. It's like everybody has another world except me. You know what I mean? +No ... I mean, it's not like great about your dad or anything. It's just I don't dream. Never have. ... Maybe it'd help if I slept sometime ... Just kidding ... No, so it's always neat for me to hear about dreams. I'm jealous. It's like everybody has another world except me. You know what I mean? I know what you're saying but ... Never? You've never had a dream? No, you know, you do. You must. What you mean is you don't remember them. +Great. Thanks. You gonna have one? I'm trying to quit. +I'm trying to quit. Oh, go on. Have one. Fuck it. You think you're going to live forever? +Sorry. It was my father's. It's temperamental. It's okay. It's just someone burned me once. +Oh. You wanna talk about that stuff. Yes I do. Terri, something awful happened to that boy. I have to find out what it was. +Yes I do. Terri, something awful happened to that boy. I have to find out what it was. But I don't know anything! Really. I just came out of the club and the kid was already in the street. He ... +But I don't know anything! Really. I just came out of the club and the kid was already in the street. He ... Did you know him? +Did you know him? No. I'd seen him in there a few times before. He was just a punk. I'd never like danced with him or anything. Anyway, he was a thief. He must've taken it from the statue. +No. I'd seen him in there a few times before. He was just a punk. I'd never like danced with him or anything. Anyway, he was a thief. He must've taken it from the statue. Taken what? +Taken what? The thing! He was lying there in the street, moaning. But he pointed at it ... 22 +The thing! He was lying there in the street, moaning. But he pointed at it ... 22 Wait a minute. He was already ... wounded ... when you found him? +Wait a minute. He was already ... wounded ... when you found him? Yeah! That's what I'm saying! And it was lying next to him. And he pointed at it before he passed out and ... +Yeah! That's what I'm saying! And it was lying next to him. And he pointed at it before he passed out and ... Wait. Wait. The chains. Where did the chains come from? +Wait. Wait. The chains. Where did the chains come from? That's what I'm trying to tell you! ... +I figured I'd make breakfast. Right ... That's ... er ... that's nice of you, Terri. Can I ask? Is it always this ... exploratory? +Right ... That's ... er ... that's nice of you, Terri. Can I ask? Is it always this ... exploratory? Ha! I don't know yet. First time. Kitchen virgin, that's me. +I'll boil some water. I'll do it! +I'll do it! No! No, that's OK. I like to. I love boiling water. It's a specialty of mine. Why don't you go watch cartoons? +This is great. And it's yours? You like own it? The bank owns it. But I'm working on it. +The bank owns it. But I'm working on it. Jeez, I've never owned anything. I haven't even had a room of my own since I was fifteen years old. +How have you ... ? Guys. Sometimes friends. Mostly guys. +Wow. Lotta books. You read all these? No. I buy them to impress people. Of course I've read them. +No. I buy them to impress people. Of course I've read them. Cool. I read a book once. It was like all these people discovering who they used to be. You know, like reincarnation? It was really good. You ever read that? +Cool. I read a book once. It was like all these people discovering who they used to be. You know, like reincarnation? It was really good. You ever read that? I don't think so. But it's a fascinating subject. Did you ... +... but it is good. You know, over to the left, you can ... Who's that? +I don't know his name ... I saw the whole story. A wounded bird was on his roof. I could hear its cries from here. He went straight to it. I couldn't've. I'd be frozen between pity and fear. But he wasn't. Its pain spoke directly to him. He picked it up. Nursed it. Fed it. And it got better. Everyday he'd watch the pigeon. Everyday the pigeon would watch him. I saw him learn. Learn that there was one more thing he had to do to make the rescue complete. And one day, just as afternoon became evening, he leaned over, opened the cage, and walked away. Didn't look back. But he heard the sound of its wings. And he still sits there? +And he still sits there? Every day. +Every day. Maybe he thinks it'll come back. +Maybe he thinks it'll come back. No. He knows it won't. It was his final act of love and part of him knows that and part of him doesn't yet. +But I don't know what's going on. Maybe not. But you know more than I do. You know something about this box. Something about a statue? +Maybe not. But you know more than I do. You know something about this box. Something about a statue? Yeah. I found it. I knew held like it and I figured ... +Yeah. I found it. I knew held like it and I figured ... Woah. Wait a minute. Who? The kid? +Woah. Wait a minute. Who? The kid? No. JP. My last boyfriend? He like owns the club. You know? You were there? He bought the statue. +No. JP. My last boyfriend? He like owns the club. You know? You were there? He bought the statue. That you found. What do you mean you found it? +I was downtown looking for a ... a friend. A guy I know. Anyway, there was this store. Like real old? Lotsa weird shit in there. I saw this statue. Pillar. Thing. I knew he'd love it. You've seen the club. Would you know this store again? +Would you know this store again? Sure. Why? +Sure. Why? It's Saturday morning. Let's go shopping. +Jesus. Are you sure this is the street? Yeah. Happening, isn't it? +Yeah. Happening, isn't it? What on earth were you doing down here? +Terri? Buying some drugs, alright? +Buying some drugs, alright? Oh, Terri ... +For somebody else, alright? Not for me. I don't do that shit anymore. Then you shouldn't even be around it. You know, it's ... +Then you shouldn't even be around it. You know, it's ... Here! Here! Pull over! +What am I looking for? God knows. Anything. Contacts. Clues. +Joey ... ? Help me pick 'em up, Terri. I think the lady just made a sale. +No. Sorry. Not interested. Not for my customers. Have you tried ... No. No, you don't understand. We're not selling it. It came from here. We want ... +No. No, you don't understand. We're not selling it. It came from here. We want ... Everything sold as is. No guarantees. No returns. +Everything sold as is. No guarantees. No returns. No. We want ... +No. We want ... I took back everything bought on a whim, I'd have no business. I ... +Never mind. I'm glad it's gone. Made the store feel strange. Who'd make such a thing? Fine. Fine. But can you tell us anything about it? +Fine. Fine. But can you tell us anything about it? It was part of a job-lot. Some loony- bin they shut down. Unclaimed stuff. +It was part of a job-lot. Some loony- bin they shut down. Unclaimed stuff. What else came with it? Anything still here? +What else came with it? Anything still here? Sure. Just papers, photos. Stuff nobody'd ever want. +Sure. Just papers, photos. Stuff nobody'd ever want. Can we see? +Can we see? You gonna buy? +You gonna buy? I don't know. Maybe. +I don't know. Maybe. Right at the back there. Middle shelves. Coupla folders. Nice stuff. I'd do you a good price. +Welcome. 38 You're JP Monroe, right? +You're JP Monroe, right? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. And this is your club. Great club. I really love it here. Great club. +And this is your club. Great club. I really love it here. Great club. Thank you. +Thank you. Thank you for the drink. And the rose. Wow. That's ... really nice. +Thank you for the drink. And the rose. Wow. That's ... really nice. It's yours. You won it. It's a prize. +It's yours. You won it. It's a prize. A prize? For what? +A prize? For what? You see, everyday I have my friend John here bring ... +You see, everyday I have my friend John here bring ... The barman? I thought he was called Rick? +The barman? I thought he was called Rick? He's a barman. Whatever. Do you mind if I continue? +He's a barman. Whatever. Do you mind if I continue? I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Everyday I have my friend Rick here bring a newly-cut red rose in with him and keep it behind the bar. And I award it to a woman of exceptional beauty. +Everyday I have my friend Rick here bring a newly-cut red rose in with him and keep it behind the bar. And I award it to a woman of exceptional beauty. Oh come on. There're lots of girls here who look better than ... +Oh come on. There're lots of girls here who look better than ... Don't do that! Don't put yourself down. If you have a quality, be proud of it... +... Let it define you. Whatever it is. Most of the roses die behind the bar. This is the first I've given out for nearly a month. No. Really? +Yes really. Wow. Thank you. +Wow. Thank you. No. Thank you. +Do you mind me talking about your stuff? Unh-unh. +It doesn't bother me. I'm just not interested. Oh. Like I'm not an interesting person. +But you gave me a rose ... And tomorrow I'll give one to somebody else. Get dressed. Get out. +And tomorrow I'll give one to somebody else. Get dressed. Get out. You shit. Who do you think you are? +You shit. Who do you think you are? I'm JP Monroe, you stupid little bitch. Now get the fuck out of my life. +I'm JP Monroe, you stupid little bitch. Now get the fuck out of my life. You ... I can't fucking believe you, you bastard! You get me in here ... +You ... I can't fucking believe you, you bastard! You get me in here ... Right. Like you were hog-tied or something. +What ... What ... ? What did you see? The same as I. Appetite sated. Desire indulged. You saw the working of the world in miniature. +That had nothing to do with the world. Not this one, anyway. On the contrary. It has everything to do with the world. And our dreams of how it will succumb to us. You enjoyed the girl? +On the contrary. It has everything to do with the world. And our dreams of how it will succumb to us. You enjoyed the girl? Yes. +Yes. Good. So did I. And that's all ... +Good. So did I. And that's all ... No! No. It's not the same ... I ... No. What you did ... it was ... evil. +I understand. Their fortune was so tempting, their affection so conditional. What else could you do? Fuck you! +Don't flee from yourself. If you have a quality, let it define you. Cultivate it. It is you. By helping me, you will help yourse... What!? What are you talking about? Why should I help you? +What!? What are you talking about? Why should I help you? Because you want to. You've always wanted to. Look at your pictures. Look at your sculptures. Look at those tawdry representations and then ... Imagine. Imagine a world of the body as canvas. The body as clay. Your will and mine as the brush and the knife. Oh, I have such sights to show you. +A dark star rising. I was bound to another's system by a soul I once possessed. A friend relieved me of that inconvenience. Now I'm free. Born again of Blood and Desire. Hey, that's what makes the world go round. +You see, we're not so dissimilar. But how in God's name ... +But how in God's name ... God? My God was diamond and black light. And I was his Dark Pope. All that is changed. A terrible beauty is born. With a place at my right hand for a man of your tastes. +How do we start? It has already begun. +Joey? Not quite. +Not quite. JP? +JP? Live and in the flesh. How're you doing, babe? +Live and in the flesh. How're you doing, babe? What do you want? +Yeah right. How'd you get this number? Will you relax? Your little girlfriend left a card, remember? +Will you relax? Your little girlfriend left a card, remember? Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Well ... I'm fine. Things are great here. Joey's going to get me a job at the TV station. I'm meeting lotsa new people. It's really great. +Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Well ... I'm fine. Things are great here. Joey's going to get me a job at the TV station. I'm meeting lotsa new people. It's really great. Really? +Really? Yeah really. I'm ... +Yeah really. I'm ... No. I mean, really? Because I'm concerned for you, sweetheart. I care about you. I guess I miss you. I'm sorry we split up. I'm sorry I ... +No. I mean, really? Because I'm concerned for you, sweetheart. I care about you. I guess I miss you. I'm sorry we split up. I'm sorry I ... You're apologizing? +You're apologizing? Hey, it has been known. C'mon Terri, I'm not that bad a guy. I have regrets. I'd like to put things right. Don't tell me you haven't thought about me. Huh? +Hey, it has been known. C'mon Terri, I'm not that bad a guy. I have regrets. I'd like to put things right. Don't tell me you haven't thought about me. Huh? Well ... of course I have. I've thought. I've ... Oh, JP, you were so horrible. You really hurt me ... +Well ... of course I have. I've thought. I've ... Oh, JP, you were so horrible. You really hurt me ... I know. I know. It's bad. I'm a bad person. But I try not to be, Terri. I really do. And I really miss you. +I know. I know. It's bad. I'm a bad person. But I try not to be, Terri. I really do. And I really miss you. I miss you too. +I miss you too. That's so good to hear, sweetheart. It really is. You know, I .. are you alone? +That's so good to hear, sweetheart. It really is. You know, I .. are you alone? Yes. 53 +Yes. 53 Good ... Good ... Look, why don't you come over? You know, nothing heavy, little drink maybe, little talk. Just see how we both feel? +Good ... Good ... Look, why don't you come over? You know, nothing heavy, little drink maybe, little talk. Just see how we both feel? Oh, I don't ... +Oh, I don't ... C'mon. It'll be great. +Not quite. This wasn't here. No. But, as you can see, I'm having some work done on it. You found a real treasure for me, Terri. I hope I can show you how grateful I am. +No. But, as you can see, I'm having some work done on it. You found a real treasure for me, Terri. I hope I can show you how grateful I am. Yeah ... yeah, it looks different. +Yeah ... yeah, it looks different. Yeah, a girl I know helped smarten it up. Put her heart and soul into it. +Yeah, a girl I know helped smarten it up. Put her heart and soul into it. A girl? Anyone I should know? +A girl? Anyone I should know? Not now, no. I mean - now that you're here, it's like she doesn't even exist, you know what I mean? +Yeah right. Look ... Terri, listen. Why don't you come here and kiss me? I mean, it's probably ticking away in both our minds, right? Is it going to happen? Isn't it going to happen? Let's get it out of the way. See how we feel. Then we can relax. Talk. You know. +I don't think so. Not yet. I'm not ready yet. Sure. Sure. I understand. It's cool. I mean, we've got all night. +That's terrible. What a bitch. She was obviously just using you, Terri. Ready to dump you the second she had what she needed, interfering little whore. No. It isn't ... she wouldn't ... It's like I must have done something wrong, you know? Freaked her out. Just fucked up something good again. +No. It isn't ... she wouldn't ... It's like I must have done something wrong, you know? Freaked her out. Just fucked up something good again. Hey, you didn't fuck it up with me. You know that. It was my fault, babe, it really was. And you know I'm sorry. And I'm sorry to see you upset now. I hate to see you in pain like this. +Really? Yes! God, yes. I ... I just want to hug you. To hold you. To tell you it's alright. +Oh thank God, you're dead... It was so beautiful! When the blanks went off, they... +You're saying you want us to beat them to the crystal and save the world from financial disarray. Something like that. +Something like that. Well, forget about it. Hawk and I are going to Rio. We're hurt, we're tired, and a hero ain't nothing but a sandwich. Right, buddy?... +Well, forget about it. Hawk and I are going to Rio. We're hurt, we're tired, and a hero ain't nothing but a sandwich. Right, buddy?... Hudson, God's given you a gift for cat burglary, you can t just... +That was beautiful. I laughed, I cried. +The security's actually not that severe. It doesn't have to be. Everybody knows that if you mess with the Kremlin, you'll end up in a Siberian gulag eating your own fingernails. +Delivery Entrance. Low Security. Gum. +Eighth room down, babe... Guards come exactly every three minutes.... +That's the first thing I did. Smooch the ground and taste the freedom. Sorry I was late. Miss anything? Your timing, and your shoes, are impeccable... Good to see you, Alex, been having a lousy day. +Your timing, and your shoes, are impeccable... Good to see you, Alex, been having a lousy day. Lousy day? The man's getting out of prison and he's having a lousy day. What, you missing out on the Cell Block Water Ballet pageant? Believe me, it's overrated. +Looks like you've been expanding your... Don't say it, Hawkins. I'm incredibly sensitive about my fucking figure. +Don't say it, Hawkins. I'm incredibly sensitive about my fucking figure. "My next word was gonna be ""consciousness."" Swear to God... tubby." +"That's your definition of ""Hard?""" "Show off. Hey, boss tune. ""Come Fly with Me.""" +"Show off. Hey, boss tune. ""Come Fly with Me.""" Three minutes, 51 seconds. +Three minutes, 51 seconds. Still do the puzzles, still know the running times of songs, and I'll bet you're still the best damn cat burg-- +Still do the puzzles, still know the running times of songs, and I'll bet you're still the best damn cat burg-- Not anymore. Now I'm the laziest damn cat burg--I'm going to take it so straight that I won't tape a Mets game without the expressed written consent of the National Baseball League. +Not anymore. Now I'm the laziest damn cat burg--I'm going to take it so straight that I won't tape a Mets game without the expressed written consent of the National Baseball League. Now that you're born again,what do you wanna do? Statue of Liberty? Entertain some ladies? Miss Saigon tix? Seduce some women? Play Nintendo? Bone some chicks? +Now that you're born again,what do you wanna do? Statue of Liberty? Entertain some ladies? Miss Saigon tix? Seduce some women? Play Nintendo? Bone some chicks? Come on, Alex, let's just get to Alex's. Your bar's the only place that's going to cheer me. God, I'd kill for a damn cappuccino. What the hell's a Nintendo? +Come on, Alex, let's just get to Alex's. Your bar's the only place that's going to cheer me. God, I'd kill for a damn cappuccino. What the hell's a Nintendo? Oh man, you still got a thing for those unmasculine European coffees? Who's your buddy? +So Mr. Coffee, what went down outside the prison? Oh, not much. Mario Brothers want me to do a job. +Those dago-guinea-I can say this shit I'm Italian-wop motherfu-- Ah, had the perfect amount of foam. Just get me to the bar... It's the one good thing in my life that'll never change.... +"I didn't know how to tell you. A couple brokers stopped in for Stoley Spritzers one night. Next thing I know Fast Track Digest votes us ""Watering Hole of the Month."" Now, I'm shopping for Aqua Salmon wallpaper." I read about these people in Newsweek. Where's all the regulars, Crazy Jeff Cava, the Todd sisters, Indian Joe? Where's Ed Kranepool's autograph? Captain Bob's steering wheel? +I read about these people in Newsweek. Where's all the regulars, Crazy Jeff Cava, the Todd sisters, Indian Joe? Where's Ed Kranepool's autograph? Captain Bob's steering wheel? Hey, get this irritable guy a cappuccino. I gotta go be a boss. +Alex, did you know this ape was going to be here... Sure. That's why his meatballs are made out of marinated Chuck Wagon. +Hmmmm..... Yo Pandora, quit hummm-ing... look at this. +It's Captain Bob's steering wheel! Remember when the Captain..... Hmmm, nasty little safe on the 7th. +The safe's a Simpson 71. Last time I played the game, Simpson only had a 40. Just means it'll take you an extra 31 seconds to seduce. You re still the best, I know it. +Just means it'll take you an extra 31 seconds to seduce. You re still the best, I know it. But you got three guards who... Shit, what am I doing? Where's the want ads? Gonna sell some spatulas. +But you got three guards who... Shit, what am I doing? Where's the want ads? Gonna sell some spatulas. Hey, I'm sorry, man. I'm putting out a fire with kerosene. +This isn't funny. I'm not into this. I... There goes five seconds...My record's eighteen. +There goes five seconds...My record's eighteen. You're not...LISTENING! +I'm sorr--Goddamn Mario Brothers. Goddamn Gates. Goddamn Rutherford Auction House. By the way, how many seconds? Rutherford Auction... that name... +Alex! "Don't wet your diapers. I'll have to change them. ""Witchcraft."" What's the running time?" +Whoa, you better cut a bigger hole than that. Hey, you promised......Don't worry, I'm wearing my girdle. +Cameras? No need. Guards' station's right there. +They record everything their video surveillance takes in... Yes, master-thief, I can see that. You said something about a plan... +You got about five minutes and change. "5:32. ""Swinging on a Star.""" +"5:32. ""Swinging on a Star.""" You know they invented something while you were inside. Called a watch. +"""A mule is an animal with long funny ears.""" """He kicks up at anything he hears." +"""He can't write his name or read a book. To fool people is his only thought.""" """And though he's slippery, he still gets caught.""" +"""And all the monkeys aren't in the zoo.""" """Every day you meet quite a few.""" +"The song's over! Come on! ""You could be swinging on a star.""" What am I doing here? There are so many things I wanna do that aren't this. Paint a lighthouse. Kiss a woman in Italy. +What am I doing here? There are so many things I wanna do that aren't this. Paint a lighthouse. Kiss a woman in Italy. """You could be swinging on a star.""" +"""You could be swinging on a star.""" Paint a woman in a lighthou--I don't want to steal a horse. Life is... +Did I miss anything? Oh, not much. Gates just had his tonsils taken out. The hard way. +Oh, not much. Gates just had his tonsils taken out. The hard way. Geez, Gates was killed. Who do we send the thank you note to? +The Butler did it. Guy was a cross between Alistair Cook and a Cuisinart. Dude took Mr. Ed and humptied dumptied it over Gates's head. He said it was made by, get this, Leonardo.. "Ah yes, a rare Renaissance piece. Da Vinci's ""Sforza,"" an equestrian model of a never executed statue. I consider it to be the prize of tonight's auction of objets d'equestrian. Horse things." +Okay, you got me, Mr. PBS. "Morning edition. Seems two thieves ""attempted"" to steal it last night, but thanks to three ""courageous"" guards, it will be ready for tonight." +"Morning edition. Seems two thieves ""attempted"" to steal it last night, but thanks to three ""courageous"" guards, it will be ready for tonight." """Attempted."" At-tempt-ted! I'm not happy about having to steal that horse, but I do have my pride. Face it, when it comes to burglary, and sex, I...." +Boing. Uh, this I don t understand... Why try? +Why try? Because I'm tired of not understanding things. Cops, Mafia, and butlers forcing me to bust my ass to steal something, which it turns out I really didn't steal--it's fucked up. +Because I'm tired of not understanding things. Cops, Mafia, and butlers forcing me to bust my ass to steal something, which it turns out I really didn't steal--it's fucked up. You re not thinking of going to... +You re not thinking of going to... Alex, my man, it's time to play a little offense. Where's your tux? +You bastard. You fucked my freedom for a lousy job. But I said I was sorry.... +But I said I was sorry.... No sweat, Alex, you only made the biggest mistake of my life. What was your per-diem? +No sweat, Alex, you only made the biggest mistake of my life. What was your per-diem? Don't act like you've never committed a crime before, Hawkins? I know, I made call, when Anna tracked me down I... +Rio, Alex? After all they've done to...Hey, these tickets are for Moscow! Damn travel agency. That Kremlin thing is in Moscow, isn't it? +We're going in from the ground floor. Geez, this Art Treasures Room looks like a burnt diaphragm. +"Shwoof, that makes me feel better. I can't believe this is the Iron Curtain. All the guy at Airport customs wanted to know was ""Who Shot J.R.?""" You sound disappointed. +You sound disappointed. Yeah, I mean, come on, going through the Iron Curtain is supposed to be crawling underneath barbed wire, it's supposed to be strangling a guard... +Count of three? Why not just go now? +Why not just go now? Okay. +"""Oh, we ain't got a barrel of money." """Maybe we're ragged and funny.""" +Now that's a lock. Don't worry, we'll get it... +"""Oh this lock is a pain in the bu-utt""" """How'd we ever get such in a ru-utt""" +That was close.... Anna, I think you better stay.... +Anna, I think you better stay.... You can be lookout!..... Take Alex's gun. +"""We all had our quarrels and parted...""" """But we'll be the same as we started..." +I'm a ghost. Boo. I don't want to sound immature, but we were here first... +Alex, are you.... I can't believe you didn't notice. My weight. I lost ten pounds in Rome +I can't believe you didn't notice. My weight. I lost ten pounds in Rome You're a reed, man. I gotta get Anna. Hang in there... +Get 'em. They went down the hallway. Let's just forget it, I mean... +Let's just forget it, I mean... Get em.... +Ta ta, Hudson Hawk. Too-do-loo, babe. +Welcome to Rome, sir. Yes way. +My life is not some deal. I... It's Boston, Mr. Mayflower. +Welcome back to Vinci. Last rites, sister? +How. You're unemployed, Alfie. Boss is dead. Her plan is over. +You're unemployed, Alfie. Boss is dead. Her plan is over. My plan is just beginning. I'll forgive you for denying me the pleasure of slaughtering my boorish employers, but I'm afraid the birth of the new British Empire can have no witnesses! +My plan is just beginning. I'll forgive you for denying me the pleasure of slaughtering my boorish employers, but I'm afraid the birth of the new British Empire can have no witnesses! Ooh-kay... +Don't you just hate kids... George, you promised. No Old CIA/ New CIA jokes... +George, you promised. No Old CIA/ New CIA jokes... I call them the MTV.I.A. Punks think Bay of Pigs is an herbal tea. They think the Cold War involves penguins and... +Grapple, Biker's bottle, hairspray, black turtleneck, Pocket Fisherman, acid, collapsible yardstick, softball, and 72 stamps. Gee Stud, this is going to be some date. No Harvey's Bristol Cream? Snickers, make the list happen. Oh and it's one thing to play hide and seek with the Mayflower's pathetic staff, but we're sore losers. I've put jumper cables on the nipples of children and not always in the line of duty. +With all due respect to that great blouse, why didn't I cut out her heart? Close call, but she's our only way of keeping tabs on that damn mysterious Vatican organization. Hawk, it's time to go to the principal's office.... +Lucky for us, the Da Vinci is located in a wing of the Kremlin that they used to throw the Miss Ukraine pageant and stuff. It'll have the least number of guards.... As for our plan of action, anybody'd be insane to go in from the ground floor... +Come on, Pierre, Steak-bur-ger, Fren-n-ch Fries. This is France, you gotta have French..... Actually we're in Italy, Snickers, she said as if it made a difference. +"Italy, France, Moscow. They all just wanna be Nebraska. Old Man Kaplan thinks since Communism is dead, we got nothing to do. Man, Democracy isn't free elections. We gotta teach the world that Democracy is Big Tits, College Football on Saturdays, Eddie Murphy saying the word ""Fuck"" and Kids putting their hands down garbage disposals on ""America's Funniest Home Videos.""" Damn baby, when's the last time you had a vacation...Jesus, I gotta get out of this job. If my Mom knew her daughter assassinated the leader of the anti-Apartheid movement.... +Damn baby, when's the last time you had a vacation...Jesus, I gotta get out of this job. If my Mom knew her daughter assassinated the leader of the anti-Apartheid movement.... Quit bitching, you got the employee of the month plaque for that shit...Ah to be in Pari-is and in love. +This is the room above the Art Treasures room. The lock is a Natalya Z-Z, first created... Snickers, baby, I love you like a brother, but really, who cares? Silencer bomb... +What the hell.... You're supposed to be dead! +Did he mention the Mayflowers? No, your Eminence. I think he's going to steal the Codex, as early as next week. +No, your Eminence. I think he's going to steal the Codex, as early as next week. Attempt, you mean. The vanity of this man, Hudson Hawk. The Vatican has foiled the advances of Pirates and Terrorists. We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey. Must you flirt with him so realistically? +Attempt, you mean. The vanity of this man, Hudson Hawk. The Vatican has foiled the advances of Pirates and Terrorists. We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey. Must you flirt with him so realistically? "That's the best kind. A wise woman once said ""Polite conversation is rarely either.""" +"That's the best kind. A wise woman once said ""Polite conversation is rarely either.""" Let me be the one to quote Scripture. ....As an agent of our organization, you are put in awkward situations. Just remember, Hudson Hawk is an evil, evil man. +Let me be the one to quote Scripture. ....As an agent of our organization, you are put in awkward situations. Just remember, Hudson Hawk is an evil, evil man. Yeah. The big E. +Hit me with your best shot. I betrayed a man. A good man. An innocent man. A thief. +I betrayed a man. A good man. An innocent man. A thief. Anna, what are you trying to say... +Anna, what are you trying to say... He came into a world where crime is a legitimate business tactic and a legitimate government procedure. But he knew Right and Wrong. Oh, and we kind of messed around... +"""Messed around"" messed around? I know-- I don't want to know. First base? Second Base? Stop me when I'm getting warm..." A little petting is not the issue! +A little petting is not the issue! Sorry. Seventeen Hail Marys and five minutes outside. +You got it. Operation Deflower Mayflower is a bad joke and I'm the punchline. I thought we were using the CIA to help us to get Mayflower, but really the CIA was using me to keep us away from Mayflower. Oh, why couldn't I be the Cardinal in charge of catering.... If the Mayflowers get the three sections of Da Vinci's crystal and his instructions for the gold machine-- Aie-yi--Do we got anything? What of Alex, Hawk's friend, where is his loyalty? +Oh, why couldn't I be the Cardinal in charge of catering.... If the Mayflowers get the three sections of Da Vinci's crystal and his instructions for the gold machine-- Aie-yi--Do we got anything? What of Alex, Hawk's friend, where is his loyalty? I'm going to find out. +I'm going to find out. I'm sorry for losing it back there, but you must remember, sister, you have vows to God as well as a mission to the world. +I'm sorry for losing it back there, but you must remember, sister, you have vows to God as well as a mission to the world. "I know, I know, your Eminence, just say ""God go with me.""" +"I know, I know, your Eminence, just say ""God go with me.""" God go with you, sister. +Oh, the shit is going to hit the fa-- Fantastic. Perfection. The Vatican extends its jealousy to the lucky bidder. +My God, that was bold of you, you didn't have to do that... Forget about it--it was nothing-- anybody would have done the same thing--It's an impulse... +Forget about it--it was nothing-- anybody would have done the same thing--It's an impulse... "No, I meant you didn't have to tackle me and rip my dress. A polite push, perhaps? A clear shout of ""watch out, Anna"" would have done nicely..." +"No, I meant you didn't have to tackle me and rip my dress. A polite push, perhaps? A clear shout of ""watch out, Anna"" would have done nicely..." Excuse me, Milady. I would have flown over and carried you up to a pink cloud, but I left my cape at the cleaners. +Thanks tough guy, thanks a lot. Why was the guard chasing you? Because Danger, Doc, is my middle... +Tough guy. What are you--How's your head. Yes, and my giraffe loves it, too... +As you know, the Da Vinci Codex, has lived in the Vatican for centuries and will continue to live here for centuries more. That's what you theenk. +That's what you theenk. Question, sir? His untiring pen predicted the airplane, the submarine, the bicycle, the helicopter, and even the tank. +Come on, this stuff will knock you out. Have you ever had the feeling you were being followed, Mr. Bond. Never, why do you ask? +Whoa. Name's Hawkins, Eddie Hawkins. My nickname's Hudson Hawk, but don't call me Hudson, not even as a joke. The Nuns at St. Agnes called me that and they're the ones who helped make me what I am today. Not a compliment... Sure Hudson. Are you going to tell me why you did that back there or are you going to blame it on Dumbo? +Sure Hudson. Are you going to tell me why you did that back there or are you going to blame it on Dumbo? Could you believe that crazy elephant? +Whoa, part 2. Does it go to Times Square? Delivers up to ten at night. The Pope has an obsession with his Easter Seals. It's actually not that an unusual set-up. The secret passageway on the other hand.... +Delivers up to ten at night. The Pope has an obsession with his Easter Seals. It's actually not that an unusual set-up. The secret passageway on the other hand.... The Vatican is made of constant mysteries meant to be enjoyed, not explained. +The Vatican is made of constant mysteries meant to be enjoyed, not explained. Nice. But right out of our brochure. +Nice. But right out of our brochure. Oh, you read that. +Oh, you read that. Actually I wrote it. It's a good sentence. It can apply to people. +Actually I wrote it. It's a good sentence. It can apply to people. You're not an unmysterious thang yourself. +You're not an unmysterious thang yourself. I don't steal stuffed elephants from little girls. And I buy my own clothes. My life's a little boring... +I don't steal stuffed elephants from little girls. And I buy my own clothes. My life's a little boring... God, I wish I could say the same thing. What about having a nice, dull dinner with me tonight. Scrabble, Knock-knock jokes, Anecdotes about famous dead Italians.... +God, I wish I could say the same thing. What about having a nice, dull dinner with me tonight. Scrabble, Knock-knock jokes, Anecdotes about famous dead Italians.... I'll bring my entire repertoire... +And I'll bring my entourage... Secret passageways don't mean as much as they used to. There's a place two blocks east of here. Enzo's. Say 10:30. +Secret passageways don't mean as much as they used to. There's a place two blocks east of here. Enzo's. Say 10:30. Said. +Oh Hudson, I was worried you weren't going to drop by.... I never break a date. Scout's honor. +This is bueno. They had the worst ketchup in prison.....uh... Prison? +Prison? I was the Warden? +I was the Warden? How long were you in? +How long were you in? Let's just say, I never saw E.T. +Let's just say, I never saw E.T. "Wow, you were ""in the joint."" ""Doing hard time."" It's funny, but that excites me. I seem to have a thing for sinners." +"Wow, you were ""in the joint."" ""Doing hard time."" It's funny, but that excites me. I seem to have a thing for sinners." I seem to have a thing for sinning. sinning. Check please.... +What have you been doing? Uh....old badminton injury. +tickles, ticKleS, TICKLES. Oh, I'm so sorry... +I'm sorry. I can't. I.... Hey now, outside of a very friendly dog this morning, it's been a slow decade. I don't make love every ten years, I get a little cranky. +Hey now, outside of a very friendly dog this morning, it's been a slow decade. I don't make love every ten years, I get a little cranky. It's also been a long time for me. I-- +Catholic girls are scary... Somebody robbed the Vatican. +Somebody robbed the Vatican. Oh. No. +It's not what you think. Okay, maybe it is.... You really went and did it. With one day, not even a day, of planning, you did it. Nobody does it better, Hudson. You started the week stealing the Sforza and you ended it swiping the Codex. +You really went and did it. With one day, not even a day, of planning, you did it. Nobody does it better, Hudson. You started the week stealing the Sforza and you ended it swiping the Codex. Wha-- +Wha-- What are your plans for the weekend? Hoisting away the Colosseum? Tell me, did the devil make you do it or did Darwin and Minerva Mayflower? +"For two years, I've been tracking the Mayflowers' peculiar interest in three Da Vinci pieces. Their Sforza replica was as fake as the ""gas leak"" that supposedly destroyed it." Does everyone in the world know more than me? Jesus, I'm just some guy who happens to be good at swiping stuff.....Lifted a piece of licorice when I was one and a half. Who knew it would lead... They even got the CIA involved! +Does everyone in the world know more than me? Jesus, I'm just some guy who happens to be good at swiping stuff.....Lifted a piece of licorice when I was one and a half. Who knew it would lead... They even got the CIA involved! The C.I. what? God, no... +The C.I. what? God, no... Ooh, I guess I do know something Here's looking at you, kid... +This doesn't taste like cappuccino. Oh, I must have put too much ethyl-chloride in it. +Hudson, don't you understand... And you, Dr. Cappucino, you're lucky I don't hit women, assuming you are a woman. I'm not taking anything for granted anymore. +And you, Dr. Cappucino, you're lucky I don't hit women, assuming you are a woman. I'm not taking anything for granted anymore. I-work-for-a-covert-Vatican-humanitarian- organization. The-CIA-made-a-fool-of-me. I-care-for-you... +I-work-for-a-covert-Vatican-humanitarian- organization. The-CIA-made-a-fool-of-me. I-care-for-you... Oh. Well, what's this? +Where did you get this? You know, the place where you gave the bad guys the Codex.... the Mayflower Museum. +You know, the place where you gave the bad guys the Codex.... the Mayflower Museum. It's from the machine. All they need is the crystal to run it and they have 2/3 of it already. We can't let that happen. +You better believe I can. I'm sick of people telling me what I have to do. It's that kind of selfish attitude that... +It's that kind of selfish attitude that... Selfish attitude? I'm just some guy who wants a little nap and a cappuccino for when he wakes up, not too much foam... +Selfish attitude? I'm just some guy who wants a little nap and a cappuccino for when he wakes up, not too much foam... "You re not ""some guy"" anymore, Hudson. Right now, you're the only guy. Without your help, I...." +Hey, don't take your disguise so seriously. Uh, yeah. Guess I'm a wee bit nervous. I'm sorry I could only score clergy passports. +Uh, yeah. Guess I'm a wee bit nervous. I'm sorry I could only score clergy passports. Fits my new image. A thief for the masses. This is one job I'm not going to feel guilty about enjoying. Gum. +Oh Hudson... I told you not to call me Hudson. The only people who called me that were the nuns at... +I told you not to call me Hudson. The only people who called me that were the nuns at... Oh Hudson, I'm a sister of the Catholic church as well as an agent. +Oh Hudson, I'm a sister of the Catholic church as well as an agent. This is too bad to be false. +I hope you know what.... Trust Leonardo.... +Trust Leonardo.... Wha..... +Da Vinci made the real directions in a secret script that I decoded. The way the machine is running now, the gold will produce too quickly, clog, and the machine will shut itself down. Isn't it wonderful? Yeah, but what would happen if that little mirror came out of the crystal. +Yeah, but what would happen if that little mirror came out of the crystal. Wha -- you don't want to know... +I wanna know... Holy sh-h--things are going to get very interesting, very fast. Da Vinci would be proud of you. +Have I ever told you the world is beautiful... I'd really like to play Nintendo with you, or something... Hudson, I'm afraid I'm sticking with God. But you're a close second, tough guy. What is that smile? +Hudson, I'm afraid I'm sticking with God. But you're a close second, tough guy. What is that smile? I got my planet back. +Way to go, Anna. When the Mayflowers find out we have the Codex, they're going to want to make a deal... +When the Mayflowers find out we have the Codex, they're going to want to make a deal... And then we'll arrest those greedy pigs... Is that it? +It's the site of their new museum and we're taking it over. Operation Deflower Mayflower is going full speed ahead. "Oh Lord.... the only reason I ask is that Hudson, uh, Mr. Hawk, Hawkins, had some ""neat"" things to say about Darwin, Minerva, and you. Basically that you're part of the same car pool." +"Oh Lord.... the only reason I ask is that Hudson, uh, Mr. Hawk, Hawkins, had some ""neat"" things to say about Darwin, Minerva, and you. Basically that you're part of the same car pool." Anna. Anna. Anna. If that were true, Almond Joy would have handed you your heart right after you handed me the Codex. Now, get some sleep. Kit Kat... +Cat got his tongue? Actually he never told us what it was. +"How many times do I have to say it? I didn't put the hit on Little Eddie... Never had anything against that kooky chimp. I actually found him, ""endearing.""" Sure. Face down. Two endearing shots to the back of the head. That's your mark, man. What did Little Eddie ever do to... +You're hitting Rutherford's Auction House. Easy as my brother's wife. Directions are in the bag. Just open the seventh floor safe and take out the thingie... Or you cut off my thingie. Directions even your brother would understand. +Hawk, you're a great thief. Got set up, did some time, nothing to be ashamed of. Don't give me a sonata about you always just really wanted to settle down, open a hardware Store and sell spatulas... If the Mario brothers weren't Jersey's third largest family, I'd say kiss my ass. But considering your status, I'll say slurp my butt. +What's your favorite sport, Hawk? Baseball, why? +Good job, not pretty, but good. Ah, the mafia, the cops; do I know how to party or what? +Outbid by my own wench, quelle bummere. Poor baby..... Here, Bunny. +Hawkmeister, we got you clothes, great hotel, and a 250,000 lira per diem. That's two hundred dollars a day? So he can get a hooker and some tequila. Veto, Darwin. +We want Da Vinci's sketchbook, what do they call it, the Codex. Listen Hawk, this might be hard to believe, but I'm a regular joe. I just want to be happy and happiness comes from the achieving of goals. It's just when you make your first billion by the age of 19, it's hard to keep coming up with new ones. But now finally I got my new goal. World domination. With your help...Bunny....quit that! +Listen Hawk, this might be hard to believe, but I'm a regular joe. I just want to be happy and happiness comes from the achieving of goals. It's just when you make your first billion by the age of 19, it's hard to keep coming up with new ones. But now finally I got my new goal. World domination. With your help...Bunny....quit that! Bunny, ball-ball! Bad bunny! +Haven't you ever seen, like David Niven? You know tiptoe in, tiptoe out. "Like a ""cat"", one could say." +No, let me! I don't care. +So, Captain Hawk, in one of your paws you got a gold bar worth about 8 thou. In the autre, you got lead that won't get you gelato. Surely a master-thief like you can tell the difference. +Alchemy! Is the business term of the 90's, my man! Minerva read about it in an airline magazine about four years ago. I dumped some lira into research... Shazam, we come across a diary by one of Da Vinci's apprentices detailing La Machine de Oro, the gold machine for those at home, and the rest is about to become history. Money isn't everything, gold is. Fuck blue chip stocks! Fuck T-bills! Fuck Junk Bonds! I got the real deal! Money will always be paper but gold will always be gold! Market crashes. Bomb drops. Greenhouse effect affects. We'll still be the richest, most powerful people in the world. In 1992, Europe is coming together to become one business superpower. It's one party we'd love to poop. +Market crashes. Bomb drops. Greenhouse effect affects. We'll still be the richest, most powerful people in the world. In 1992, Europe is coming together to become one business superpower. It's one party we'd love to poop. Well, that said, the last ingredient in the recipe is in, get this, you're gonna die, the Kremlin. +I look at you Soviet people and I feel... pity... superiority. Most of your life, your government has told you that Capitalism turns people into robots who'd rather eat microwave sushi, naked in the back of a Cadillac than hear the laughter of children. We're here to say, your government was right. +We're here to say, your government was right. So let's get busy. Have some fun and make some deals. +I knew it! I told you it was a fake. That New-York-Italian-Father- made-twenty-bucks-a-week-son- of-a-bitch. What was our bet? A million? +That New-York-Italian-Father- made-twenty-bucks-a-week-son- of-a-bitch. What was our bet? A million? Million five, lover... +For those kind of wages, I could have built the factory in America! They're Vietnamese, can't we just give them more Bart Simpson shirts? I hear depressing news like this and I want to commit genocide! Alfred, hold my calls. So, Hawk! The Hawkster! What do you think of the vehicle? You could host American Bandstand in here. Why did you duck at the auction, asshole? +You could host American Bandstand in here. Why did you duck at the auction, asshole? Because I didn't want to get hurt, taterhead. +So Hawkasaurus, I won't mince words... Whatever. You own Boardwalk, you own Park Place, you own the four railroads. You think you're God. For all I know, you're probably right. I just wanted to have a damn cappuccino, maybe play some Nintendo after I find out what it is. Man, why didn't you just buy the horse? What am I saying, you did buy it... +Whatever. You own Boardwalk, you own Park Place, you own the four railroads. You think you're God. For all I know, you're probably right. I just wanted to have a damn cappuccino, maybe play some Nintendo after I find out what it is. Man, why didn't you just buy the horse? What am I saying, you did buy it... "Oh... Let's see. There are organizations that think we wanted the ""Sforza"" for reasons other than putting it in the Da Vinci museum we're building in Vinci. Hopefully, these organizations think our plan has been ruined with the explosion of our replica. If I seem vague, grand. We want a low profile on this, that's why I got Kaplan and the Candy bars involved. I helped George help the Mario Brothers and Gates help get you out...." +"Oh... Let's see. There are organizations that think we wanted the ""Sforza"" for reasons other than putting it in the Da Vinci museum we're building in Vinci. Hopefully, these organizations think our plan has been ruined with the explosion of our replica. If I seem vague, grand. We want a low profile on this, that's why I got Kaplan and the Candy bars involved. I helped George help the Mario Brothers and Gates help get you out...." "If you're pausing for a ""thank you,"" give it up. So boss, you going to tell me what the crystal piece inside the pony means?" +"If you're pausing for a ""thank you,"" give it up. So boss, you going to tell me what the crystal piece inside the pony means?" Way to go, Alfie! How many people did you break that thing in front of. Good help's hard to find. +Way to go, Alfie! How many people did you break that thing in front of. Good help's hard to find. I guess that's a no. +Come to think of it there is a part of your body that you won't need for your next job... Hey, guys, I've always wanted to sing like Franki Valli and the other seasons, but come on.... +I'll torture you so slowly you'll think it's a career! I'll kill your family, your friends, and the bitch you took to the Prom! You want an address on that last one? +What a pleasant surprise. You're probably wondering... But you're going to tell us anyway... +Have a seat. Good to see you, buddy ol' pal... The pleasure's all yours, Officer Gates. +Why do you show your parole officer such disrespect? Especially after I got you such a nice job. What job? +The auction house, asshole. One night's work and you're free like no ex-con's ever been. No checking in with a shrink, no community service teaching retards how to play air hockey. It's a great deal, I can't lie. The only thing you can't do is get sex for free. I know I was in prison for like basically the 80's, but, call me daffy, aren't you supposed to stop me from committing crimes. You know, Book-em-Dano, Call-for-backup, Give-a-Hoot-Don't-Pollute. +You wouldn't be out if it wasn't for me! I did dog and pony for you! You think they would have let you out after what you did, you told the board members they looked like the Three Stooges... "How was I supposed to know they were women? Besides one of them was bald and kept saying ""Soitinly.""" +Remember that guy in the cell next to you who hung himself? Yes. +Yes. Remember that shoe you lost... +Remember that shoe you lost... Uh, yeah. Cut to the chase. +What else do you got under there ... I don't want to be rude, but this is all pretty lame. That's the beauty. It's bullshit, but I can make it stick because I'm a good guy parole officer and you re a bad guy who's about to find out that there's a thin line between ex-con and escape con. +Hudson Hawkins gets the chair of honor. How about a Gates-arita? I used real hot dogs. Weren't you the bartender at Jonestown? +All this trouble for a horsey. I may not know art, but I know what I like. You certainly do. +You certainly do. So when's that Sebastian-Cabot- Buckingham-Palace-looking- Butlerhead getting here? +Guess I know who wears the penis in this family. For God's sake, chain this convict. +Anybody have a cigarette? But seriously, do me a favor and Concorde me back to prison. I don't care anymore. I hope you have the receipts for the threads. "You go back, you won't be alone. You'll have a diabetic barkeep cellmate. You're still young enough to have fun shanking child molesters for a pack of smokes, but ""Alex"" will go in knowing that the next time he gets out it'll be to attend his own funeral. Depressing." +"You go back, you won't be alone. You'll have a diabetic barkeep cellmate. You're still young enough to have fun shanking child molesters for a pack of smokes, but ""Alex"" will go in knowing that the next time he gets out it'll be to attend his own funeral. Depressing." You wouldn't risk the dime to call the police. You have no proof. +Get away from there, convict! Just browsing. Don't touch me.... +Big girls don't cry-I-eye. Two minutes, 35 seconds. Damnit, I'm involved in this thing, so I just wanna know what this thing is. I wanna be treated as an adult. +Cool, isn't it? Weight, feel, mal1eability, they're all but identical. On the periodic chart of elements, they're but one proton apart. Great minds worked for centuries to turn worthless into priceless. Alchemy. +Sure. The Kremlin. Makes sense. The Kremlin. Why not? Listen, this is all too Indiana Jones and the Lost City of King Tut for me, man. Throw me in jail and go ahead, just try and throw Alex... Jail, you asshole! Our foot soldiers will blow your brains out! Bunny, Ball-Ball! +Bunny, not you too? You've got a dilemma, tiger. I think I know what's going to help you solve it. +I hate a man with a sense of humor. While you corn dogs were comparing the lengths of your masculinity, we obtained the helicopter the new fashioned way: a thoroughly corrupt business deal. If you think you're getting past me... +You killed a friend. Why should I help you go for the gold? It'll take a couple of years of steady production, but I'll flood the market with so much gold that gold itself, the foundation of all finance, will lose its meaning. Brokers, economists, and fellow entrepreneurs will drown in the saliva of their own nervous breakdowns. Markets will crash- crash. Financial Empires will crumble-crumble. +It'll take a couple of years of steady production, but I'll flood the market with so much gold that gold itself, the foundation of all finance, will lose its meaning. Brokers, economists, and fellow entrepreneurs will drown in the saliva of their own nervous breakdowns. Markets will crash- crash. Financial Empires will crumble-crumble. Except yours-yours. The goal of world domination. Well, if you put it that way, Minnie. How can I resist? +Except yours-yours. The goal of world domination. Well, if you put it that way, Minnie. How can I resist? "You can't, convict! You're just a shmoe! Every shmoe has the fantasy the planet revolves around them. It rains, car crash stops traffic, you say ""How could this happen to me?"" It's a natural inclination. But for I, this isn't a fantasy, it is reality! You are on my planet! You walk around the corner for coffee, out of my sight, you do not fucking exist! The lives of shmoes like you have meaning only in relation to the rich, to the powerful, to ME!" +If you pull this off, I can't promise I won't kill you. I mean, who we trying to kid? But I will spare the Flying Nun here.... And to think I thought you were Evil Incarnate in pumps. +And to think I thought you were Evil Incarnate in pumps. I killed some lovable working class Italian-diabetic, but you killed the most significant male figure of the decade and a kind, gentle lover. So don't play with me. +This is the worst night... When it rains, it pours. Name's Snickers. The plane leaves in 40. +You know Kaplan, if you weren't the slimiest pinata of shit that ever lived, I'd feel sorry for you. Good news, bud, the Mayflowers have moved up the time-table. You're hitting the Vatican to-night. +Good news, bud, the Mayflowers have moved up the time-table. You're hitting the Vatican to-night. Tonight? You're whacked. The timing's off, I'm underequipped Damnit, I have a date! +Don't be stupid...they... Bastard! If you were a true American. +Bastard! If you were a true American. Just shut up and hit me! +Damnit, I hate this! I'm a cat burglar! Nobody said anything about this fight-to-the-death shit. Too bad. +Don't I know you... You just might. I'm the guy who tricked you into robbing a government installation and then had you sent to prison for it. At the time, I was bald with a beard, no moustache, and I had a different nose, so if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended. +You just might. I'm the guy who tricked you into robbing a government installation and then had you sent to prison for it. At the time, I was bald with a beard, no moustache, and I had a different nose, so if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended. Bastard, you're going to need another nose! +But I'm not the type of guy to hold a grudge. I used you as a diversion. while you were getting captured upstairs, I was shredding documents in the basement. Deep down, I guess I was just jealous. You were one incredible thief... +I used you as a diversion. while you were getting captured upstairs, I was shredding documents in the basement. Deep down, I guess I was just jealous. You were one incredible thief... To what do I owe the dishonor of a reunion, you centrally intelligent scumsicle. +"I Want to make things up to you. That's why I got you this gig, doll. Hawk, my name's George Kaplan and to quote the late, great Karen Carpenter, ""We've only just begun.""" Three minutes, twenty-three seconds. If you think I'm doing another... +Three minutes, twenty-three seconds. If you think I'm doing another... Hush. My employer wants a meeting. +Hush. My employer wants a meeting. Employer? The president? +Employer? The president? No, somebody powerful. Oh. Look. what's that up there? +No, somebody powerful. Oh. Look. what's that up there? I'm supposed to fall for that? +I'm supposed to fall for that? Shucks. Guess not. +Hawk, Hawk, Hawk. Enjoying Italy? I always had a soft spot for Rome. Did my first barehanded strangulation here. Communist politician. Why George, you big softie... +Why George, you big softie... God, I miss communism. The Red Threat. People were scared, the Agency was respected, and I got laid every night. +Thanks for sharing. We blow up space shuttles for breakfast. You and your friend Alex would be a late afternoon Triscuit. +We blow up space shuttles for breakfast. You and your friend Alex would be a late afternoon Triscuit. If you do anything to my friend... +If you do anything to my friend... Yeah, right. By the way, as long as I'm getting things off my chest, I'm the one who killed your little monkey. Made it look like a Mafia hit. Did it for fun. Ciao. +Can't you see the Mayflowers double-crossed you... They may be scum, but if I get the Da Vinci model back, then we'll be roasting weenies on the beach. +They may be scum, but if I get the Da Vinci model back, then we'll be roasting weenies on the beach. I don't think you'll appreciate their choice of weenie. +"I can't believe this. I'm in fucking Russia, or do I have to say, the fucking Soviet Union and I'm shooting a non-Bolshevick. I never thought I'd say ""I'm just in this job for the money."" Sad. Any last immature quips?" No. But why do you let Butterfinger keep those blood stains on his shirt? +Why does this have to be so hard... Tell me about it... +We'll call it the Flying Donut! The Dancing Dingus! +The Dancing Dingus! The Jerky Circle! +Something short. Sharp. +Sharp. Snappy. +Snappy. With a little jazz. +With a little jazz. The Shazzammeter! +The Shazzammeter! The Hipster! +The Daddy-Oh! The Circle-o'-Gaiety! +The Hoopsucker! The Hudswinger! +The Hudswinger! The Hoop-dee-doo! +The Hoop-dee-doo! The Hudsucker Hoop! +My God, why?! Why did he do it?! Things were going so well! What am I a headshrinker? Maybe the man was unhappy. +What am I a headshrinker? Maybe the man was unhappy. He didn't look unhappy! +Nobody told me! Nobody told me! You sold all of our stock? We dumped the whole load. Now quit showboating, Addison -- +We dumped the whole load. Now quit showboating, Addison -- I had twenty thousand shares! I'd be a millionaire now! +I had twenty thousand shares! I'd be a millionaire now! Sure, sure, we'd all be millionaires. There's no point in looking back. At the time, Stilson thought dumping our position would panic the market, further depress the stock -- then we'd buy it all back, and more of course, once it got cheap -- +Sure, sure, we'd all be millionaires. There's no point in looking back. At the time, Stilson thought dumping our position would panic the market, further depress the stock -- then we'd buy it all back, and more of course, once it got cheap -- Cheap! Cheap! It's never been more valuable! And I'm ruined! Ruined! +Who are you? How did you know who I am? Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. +Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? +But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- +Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? +Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. +I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. +So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. +Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. That smart?! +That smart?! But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. +But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? +Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... +...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? Well, maybe I -- +Well, maybe I -- An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? +An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? It's hardly the same -- +It's hardly the same -- Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? +Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- +Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. +I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. I'm happy enough. +I'm happy enough. Okay, Miss Archuh. ...I got gears to see to. +Okay, Miss Archuh. ...I got gears to see to. I'm plenty happy! +...Hello? Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... +And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- Adenoids? +Adenoids? Lumbago. +I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- Yeah. +About seven minutes. Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- +I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! He didn't offer you money. +He didn't offer you money. A sawbuck! +A sawbuck! Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! +Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! On Norville Barnes! +Ol' satchel-butt... I know they're gonna buy that stock -- +-- and she's dynamite! But, Al, it's the bunk! Norville showed me his design for the whatsit the day I met him! Why Buzz couldn't have invented it -- look at the man -- he's an imbecile! +Yeah, and I'll bet his initials are Sidney J. Mussburger! You've lost it, Aim. You've gone soft by the looks of it -- soft on the dummy from Dubuque -- +You've lost it, Aim. You've gone soft by the looks of it -- soft on the dummy from Dubuque -- Muncie! +I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... Not at all. You're light as a feather. +Not at all. You're light as a feather. The couch, please. +Hungry, anyway. I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... +What a horrible little person. Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- +Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- +A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- I myself -- +Cigarette? No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- +-- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- Mind if I join you? +You're from Muncie?! Why yes, do you know it? +...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. Oh, no, really, I -- +Oh, no, really, I -- Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. +Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! +-- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- +Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- Please! Norville! +...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. +Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- +The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- -- or lack thereof? +-- or lack thereof? -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. +Is that all, Mr. Barnes? ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? +...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? I'm sure I -- +I'm sure I -- Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. +Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. Well, I -- +Well, I -- Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? +...You know! For kids! ...Why don't I just type this up... +...Why don't I just type this up... Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. +Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. +Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. Well, she probably had a deadline... +Well, she probably had a deadline... Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! +Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... +Confused? Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. +Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. +I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. +Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. Oh, is that it! +Oh, is that it! Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... +Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... Smitty. +Smitty. Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? +Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. +Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- +...What happened? Oh. Nothing, really, just... the more timid investors are no longer running for cover. +Oh. Nothing, really, just... the more timid investors are no longer running for cover. Let me look. +Sid found me the icepack. Let me hold it, or you'll have a real shiner. +Let me hold it, or you'll have a real shiner. Thanks. People seem to be pretty hot over this imbecile story. +Thanks. People seem to be pretty hot over this imbecile story. ...I'm sorry. +...I'm sorry. Oh, it isn't your fault, Amy. You're the one person who's been standing by me through all this. +Norville... there's something I have to tell you. You see, I'm not really a secretary. I know that, Amy. +I know that, Amy. ...You do? +...You do? I understand that you're not very skilled yet in the secretarial arts. I'm not that skilled as president. Oh sure, I put up a big front -- -- not that everyone's buying it. +I understand that you're not very skilled yet in the secretarial arts. I'm not that skilled as president. Oh sure, I put up a big front -- -- not that everyone's buying it. I believe in you, Norville -- At least I believe in your... intentions -- +I believe in you, Norville -- At least I believe in your... intentions -- Oh, I don't blame them, really. I guess I have sort of made a mess of things. These folks have to protect their investment. Most of them are very nice people -- +Oh, I don't blame them, really. I guess I have sort of made a mess of things. These folks have to protect their investment. Most of them are very nice people -- Norville, you can't trust people here like you did in Muncie... +...Certain people are -- Didja ever go to the top of old man Larson's feed tower and look out over the town? +Didja ever go to the top of old man Larson's feed tower and look out over the town? ...Huh? +...Huh? You know, on farm route 17. +You know, on farm route 17. Oh yes! In Muncie! +Oh yes! In Muncie! No! In Vidalia! Farm Route 17! +No! In Vidalia! Farm Route 17! Uh -- Yes. Seventeen. Yes, I -- well no, I -- I never really... There's a place I go now, the cutest little place near my apartment in Greenwich Village. It's called Ann's 440. It's a beatnik bar. +Uh -- Yes. Seventeen. Yes, I -- well no, I -- I never really... There's a place I go now, the cutest little place near my apartment in Greenwich Village. It's called Ann's 440. It's a beatnik bar. You don't say. +You don't say. Yes, you can get carrot juice or Italian coffee, and the people there -- well, none of them quite fit in. You'd love it -- why don't you come there with me -- they're having a marathon poetry reading on New Year's Eve. I go every year. +Yes, you can get carrot juice or Italian coffee, and the people there -- well, none of them quite fit in. You'd love it -- why don't you come there with me -- they're having a marathon poetry reading on New Year's Eve. I go every year. Every year? +Every year? Well -- this year -- if it's good I plan to make it a tradition. Uh, my it certainly is beautiful -- +...The people look like ants. Well, the Hindus say -- and the beatniks also -- that in the next life some of us will come back as ants. Some will be butterflies. Others will be elephants or creatures of the sea. +Well, the Hindus say -- and the beatniks also -- that in the next life some of us will come back as ants. Some will be butterflies. Others will be elephants or creatures of the sea. What a beautiful thought. +What a beautiful thought. What do you think you were in your previous life, Amy? +What do you think you were in your previous life, Amy? Oh, I don't know. Maybe I was just a fast-talking career gal who thought she was one of the boys -- +Oh, I don't know. Maybe I was just a fast-talking career gal who thought she was one of the boys -- Oh no, Amy, pardon me for saying so but I find that very farfetched. +Oh no, Amy, pardon me for saying so but I find that very farfetched. Norville, there really is something I have to tell you -- +Norville, there really is something I have to tell you -- That kind of person would come back as a wildebeest, or a warthog. No, I think it more likely that you were a gazelle, with long, graceful legs, gamboling through the underbrush. Perhaps we met once, a chance encounter in a forest glade. I must have been an antelope or an ibex. What times we must have had -- foraging together for sustenance, picking the grubs and burrs from one another's coats. Or perhaps we simply touched our horns briefly and went our separate ways... +That kind of person would come back as a wildebeest, or a warthog. No, I think it more likely that you were a gazelle, with long, graceful legs, gamboling through the underbrush. Perhaps we met once, a chance encounter in a forest glade. I must have been an antelope or an ibex. What times we must have had -- foraging together for sustenance, picking the grubs and burrs from one another's coats. Or perhaps we simply touched our horns briefly and went our separate ways... I wish it were that simple, Norville. I wish I was still a gazelle, and you were an antelope or an ibex. +I wish it were that simple, Norville. I wish I was still a gazelle, and you were an antelope or an ibex. Well, can I at least call you deer? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Seriously, Amy, the whole thing is what your beatnik friends call 'karma' -- the great circle of life, death and rebirth. +Yeah, I think I've heard of that. What goes around comes around. That's it. A great wheel that gives us each what we deserve... +Oh, Norville -- Kiss me once, Amy! Kiss me once for luck! +Kiss me once, Amy! Kiss me once for luck! Sure, Norville, sure... +For Pete's sake, Norville! Oh! Hello, Amy -- was it -- I thought she said, Mamie -- +Oh! Hello, Amy -- was it -- I thought she said, Mamie -- Never mind about that... +...You know what those nincompoops in the boardroom are doing? Well, I wouldn't call them nincom -- +Well, I wouldn't call them nincom -- They're going to discharge eight percent of the work force here at Hudsucker. Why, in New York alone that means eighteen hundred people out of work, people with wives and children and families -- +They're going to discharge eight percent of the work force here at Hudsucker. Why, in New York alone that means eighteen hundred people out of work, people with wives and children and families -- Well yes, we're pruning away some of the dead wood, but if -- +Well yes, we're pruning away some of the dead wood, but if -- You mean you know about this? +You mean you know about this? Know about it? You think the Board would do anything like this without my authorization? No, this was my idea from the start. +Know about it? You think the Board would do anything like this without my authorization? No, this was my idea from the start. Your i -- +Your i -- We have to be realistic, Amy. You know things have slowed down a little here at Hudsucker -- +We have to be realistic, Amy. You know things have slowed down a little here at Hudsucker -- You're awful kind to yourself, Norville Barnes -- the fact is you've slowed down, sitting up here like a sultan, not doing a lick of work! Why you know it's ideas that are the lifeblood of industry and you haven't come up with one since the hoop and the reason's plain to see! You've forgotten what made your ideas exciting for you in the first place -- it wasn't for the fame and the wealth and the mindless adulation of -- would you get out of here?! +...I've been watching you, Norville Barnes, even though you've been trying to avoid me -- Now, Aim -- +Now, Aim -- Shutup! -- and don't think I haven't noticed how you've changed. I used to think you were a swell guy -- well, to be honest I thought you were an imbecile -- +Shutup! -- and don't think I haven't noticed how you've changed. I used to think you were a swell guy -- well, to be honest I thought you were an imbecile -- Now, Aim -- +Now, Aim -- Shutup! -- but then I figured out you were a swell guy, a little slow maybe, but a swell guy! Well, maybe you're not so slow, but you're not so swell either and it looks like you're an imbecile after -- +Shutup! -- but then I figured out you were a swell guy, a little slow maybe, but a swell guy! Well, maybe you're not so slow, but you're not so swell either and it looks like you're an imbecile after -- Now, Aim -- +Now, Aim -- Shutup! -- after all! You haven't talked to me for a week and now I'm going to say my piece. I've got a prediction for you, Norville Barnes: I predict that since you've decided to dedicate yourself to greed and sloth and everything bad, you're going to lose all the good things that your good ideas brought you. You're going to throw them all away chasing after money and ease and the respect of a Board that wouldn't give you the time of day if you... if you... +Shutup! -- after all! You haven't talked to me for a week and now I'm going to say my piece. I've got a prediction for you, Norville Barnes: I predict that since you've decided to dedicate yourself to greed and sloth and everything bad, you're going to lose all the good things that your good ideas brought you. You're going to throw them all away chasing after money and ease and the respect of a Board that wouldn't give you the time of day if you... if you... Worked in a watch factory? +Now, Amy -- Consider this my resignation -- +...You son of a -- Norville! +Norville! Huh?! +...Oh, it's you! Lookin' for a nitwit to buy your lunch?! Oh Norville, I -- +Barman! Set'm up, fella! Norville, I'm sorry, I... I tried to tell you... so many times... It's hard to admit when you've been wrong. If you could just... find it in your heart to -- to give me another chance -- +Norville, I'm sorry, I... I tried to tell you... so many times... It's hard to admit when you've been wrong. If you could just... find it in your heart to -- to give me another chance -- Hey! Where's that martini?! +Hey! Where's that martini?! Just give me another chance, Norville -- I can help you fight this thing. I know this last story was a lie! We can prove it! We can -- +Just give me another chance, Norville -- I can help you fight this thing. I know this last story was a lie! We can prove it! We can -- Aww, what's the difference. I'm all washed up... When you're dead, ya stay dead... Hey, fella! +Aww, what's the difference. I'm all washed up... When you're dead, ya stay dead... Hey, fella! Well that just about does it! I've seen Norville Barnes, the young man in a big hurry, and I've seen Norville Barnes the self-important heel, but I've never seen Norville Barnes the quitter, and I don't like it! +I tell ya the guy's a phony. Phony, huh? +Phony, huh? As a three-dollar bill. +As a three-dollar bill. Sez who? +Sez who? Sez me! Amy Archer. Why is he an Idea Man -- because Hudsucker says he is? What're his ideas? Why won't they let anyone interview him?... +...On payday! The only story here is how this guy made a monkey out of you, Al. Yeah, well, monkey or not I'm still editor of this rag. Amy, I thought you were doing that piece on the F.B.I. -- J. Edgar Hoover: When Will He Marry? +Yeah, well, monkey or not I'm still editor of this rag. Amy, I thought you were doing that piece on the F.B.I. -- J. Edgar Hoover: When Will He Marry? I filed it yesterday. +I filed it yesterday. Well, do a follow-up: Hoover: Hero or Mama's Boy? The rest of you bums get up off your brains and get me that Idea Man story! +I can't print this! Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! +Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! +You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? I don't know... +Muncie. Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. +Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. +I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. Watch it, Archer -- +Watch it, Archer -- It's about a dimwitted editor who -- +You can't print that! He grins wolfishly. +Archer, you're a broken record. Fact is Gunderson did design it -- apparently he's some kind of prodigy -- Says who?! +Whatever! It's no dig on you, Archer, but this story is hot and you're no longer on top of it. Why, it's the scoop of the century -- the other papers won't have the Gunderson dope 'til tomorrow -- The Allemeinischer Zeitung, Le Figaro, they'll be choking on our dust come mornin' -- You're fools, both of you! It's obvious they're out to crucify Norville! They're trying to destroy him! +You're fools, both of you! It's obvious they're out to crucify Norville! They're trying to destroy him! Amy -- take a break. You've worked hard on this story -- heck, you broke it for us! But it's passed you by and Smith here has taken up the slack. +Just got hired today! Terrific. +Terrific. Ya know, entry level! +Ya know, entry level! Tell me about it. +Tell me about it. I got big ideas, though! +I got big ideas, though! I'm sure you do. +I'm sure you do. For instance, take a look at this sweet baby... +Terrific. So ya see, I won't be in the mailroom long. +So ya see, I won't be in the mailroom long. Nooo, I don't guess you will be. +How long've you been down here? Forty-eight years... +I want a martini! It's New Year's Eve and I want a Martini! Daddy, it's like I been tellin' ya -- +Daddy, it's like I been tellin' ya -- I thought you served misfits here! +Yeah, daddy, that's a roger, but we don't sell alcohol. What kind of bar is it if ya can't get a martini?! +What kind of bar is it if ya can't get a martini?! It's a juice and coffee bar, man, like I been tellin' ya -- +It's a juice and coffee bar, man, like I been tellin' ya -- I want a martini! On this bar, right now! I've had a martini in every bar on the way down here, and I'm not about to -- +I want a martini! On this bar, right now! I've had a martini in every bar on the way down here, and I'm not about to -- Martinis are for squares, man. +What the heck's she doin', Lou? What the heck they doin'? +You know what they're doin' now, Lou. This I know, Benny. +This I know, Benny. This you're familia' with. +...Geez. ...Geez. +...It's the most beautiful t'ing I ever saw. It's the most beautiful t'ing I ever saw. +...What's your pleasure, buddy? Forty-fourth floor, and it's very -- +Forty-fourth floor, and it's very -- Forty-four, the top brass floor say, buddy! What takes fifty years to get up to the top floor and thirty seconds to get down? +Forty-four, the top brass floor say, buddy! What takes fifty years to get up to the top floor and thirty seconds to get down? I -- +I -- Waring Hudsucker! Na-ha-ha-ha-ha! Say, buddy! +Say, buddy! Who's the most liquid businessman on the street? Well, I -- +Well, I -- Waring Hudsucker! Na-ha-ha-ha-ha! Say, buddy! When is the sidewalk fully dressed? When it's 'wearing' Hudsucker! Na-ha-ha-ha! +My pleasure, sir. Roast tom turkey. Gee, I'm hungry too -- +Oh, uh... Buzz... Is it important? I like to think so! It's this little idea I been working on! +...Why, this is worthless. Huh?! But, buddy -- +This is the most idiotic thing I've ever seen in my life! Yeah, but, buddy -- +Yeah, but, buddy -- Nobody wants a hare-brained product like this! Ya see, Buzz, it lacks the creative spark, the unalloyed genius that made, uh... +...say, the hula hoop such a success. But, buddy -- +But, buddy -- And what do you mean barging in here and taking up my valuable time! I've got a company to run here -- +And what do you mean barging in here and taking up my valuable time! I've got a company to run here -- But, buddy, you were -- +But, buddy, you were -- -- I can't have every deadbeat on the Hudsucker payroll pestering me with their idiotic brainwaves! +-- I can't have every deadbeat on the Hudsucker payroll pestering me with their idiotic brainwaves! Geez, I'm sorry, buddy -- +Geez, I'm sorry, buddy -- An example must be made! +Wuddya mean, buddy? Fired! You're fired! Is that plain enough for you, buster! +Awwww, buddy -- And don't call me buddy! Out of here! Out! +Aw, please, sir -- this job, it's all I got! Get up! +Get up! I understand if ya don't like the Buzz-Sucker! Just lemme keep my job, I'm prayin' to ya! +I understand if ya don't like the Buzz-Sucker! Just lemme keep my job, I'm prayin' to ya! We don't crawl at Hudsucker Industries! Get out of my office! Leave your uniform in the locker room! +I'm sorry, buddy... I'm sorry... Buzz... off! Ha-ha-ha-ha! +-- Uh... Buzz, I'm sorry, I -- Buzz, you gotta forgive me! I shouldn't a fired you, I didn't know what I was doing! I was a little funny in the head, I -- Aw, buddy, I don't care about that. +...You don't? Nah, that's all forgotten. +Nah, that's all forgotten. ...It is? +...It is? Sure, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid said I could have the job back. +Sure, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid said I could have the job back. Absolutely, Buzz, I'm glad he -- +Absolutely, Buzz, I'm glad he -- But he told me you stole that swell hoop idea from me. What gives! +But he told me you stole that swell hoop idea from me. What gives! But, Buzz -- +But, Buzz -- Say, that was a swell idea! +Say, that was a swell idea! But, Buzz, you know I never -- +But, Buzz, you know I never -- And Sid says you stole it! +And Sid says you stole it! But Buzz -- +...Jesus Christopher -- That smarts... Where was I? Oh yeah, the board. I guess Sidney's been puttin' the screws to ya, huh, Norman? Norville. +Norville. Mm. Well, say what you like about the man's ethics, he's a balls-to- the-wall businessman. Beat ya any way he can. Straight for the jugular. Very effective. +Mm. Well, say what you like about the man's ethics, he's a balls-to- the-wall businessman. Beat ya any way he can. Straight for the jugular. Very effective. Yes sir... +Yes sir... Anyway. Any particular reason you didn't give him my Blue Letter? I mean, Jesus, Norman, just a dying man's last words and wishes, no big deal. +Anyway. Any particular reason you didn't give him my Blue Letter? I mean, Jesus, Norman, just a dying man's last words and wishes, no big deal. Huh? Oh, geez, Mr. Hudsucker, I apologize, there was an awful lot of excitement and I guess I must've mislaid -- +Huh? Oh, geez, Mr. Hudsucker, I apologize, there was an awful lot of excitement and I guess I must've mislaid -- It's sittin' in your apron pocket, right where you left it. Imbecile. +Oh, geez. Failure to deliver a Blue Letter is grounds for dismissal. +Failure to deliver a Blue Letter is grounds for dismissal. Geez, I -- +Geez, I -- Ah, it's New Year's, I'm not gonna add to your woes. I'm just saying. +Ah, it's New Year's, I'm not gonna add to your woes. I'm just saying. Yessir. +Yessir. Well, why don't ya read it. +Well, why don't ya read it. Sir? +Sir? Yeah, go ahead. Might learn somethin'. +Yeah, go ahead. Might learn somethin'. Yes sir... +'From the desk of Waring Hudsucker. To. Sidney J. Mussburger. Regarding. My demise. Dear Sid. By the time you read this, I will have joined the organization upstairs -- an exciting new beginning. I will retain fond memories of the many years you and I -- ' Yeah, yeah, it's the standard resignation boilerplate -- go down to the second paragraph. +Yeah, yeah, it's the standard resignation boilerplate -- go down to the second paragraph. 'Many years, uh... I know that you will be wondering why I have decided to move on, ending my tenure at Hudsucker, and here on Earth. You will be thinking, Why now, when things are going so well? Granted, from the standpoint of our balance sheet and financials, sure, sure, we're doing fine. However, Sid. These things have long since ceased to give me pleasure. I look at myself now and no longer see the idealistic young man who started this company. Now I see only an empty shell whom others call a 'success.' How has this come to pass? When and why did I trade all of my hopes, dreams and aspirations, for the emptiness of power and wealth? What the heck have I done? +'...And so, Sid, the future does not belong to such as I -- nor even you. We have made our compromises with time. The future belongs to the young, who may more energetically wage the battle against corruption. Accordingly, in the spirit of hope, and the ringing in of the new, I hereby bequeath my entire interest in the company, and my seat on the board, to whomever is Hudsucker's most recent employee at the time of my demise. I know this will disappoint you -- you, Sid, who have served so diligently and for so long. But --' -- tough titty toenails! +...Yeah, go ahead. '...But Sid, let me urge you to work closely with the new president, and to keep giving Hudsucker Industries all your energies -- but not your soul. For while we must strive for success, we must not worship it. Long live the Hud. Waring Hudsucker...' +...This'll only take a moment. Yeah? +Yeah? Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- +Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! +...Well, I'm not sure where I -- I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! +I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- +But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! +-- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. +That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! +I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? I haven't had -- +I haven't had -- Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? +Well, frankly, I... You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. +...Who let you in? I -- +Tell him I'll be right there... Well, what is it? I -- +You, maybe you're the company's biggest moron. We can't use Morris, he's been with us too long, he's a nice guy, too many friends. Matter of fact, why don't you fire him. No -- scratch that; I'll fire him. ...Make it fast, make it fast. You -- +...You know, for kids! Which is perfect for Hudsucker -- not that I claim to be any great genius; like they say, inspiration is 99 percent perspiration, and in my case I'd say it's at least twice that, but I gotta tell ya, Mr. Mussburger, sir, this sweet baby -- Wait a minute! +...education, were you? Well, I'm a college graduate -- +Well, I'm a college graduate -- All right, but you didn't excel in your studies...? +All right, but you didn't excel in your studies...? Well, I made the dean's list. +Well, I made the dean's list. Hmmm. +At the Muncie College of Business Administration. Sure, sure. And did your classmates there call you 'jerk' or... ...'schmoe'? +...'Shnook'? 'Dope'? 'Dipstick'? 'Lamebrain'? No, sir. +No, sir. Not even behind your back? +Not even behind your back? Sir! They voted me most likely to succeed! +Sir! They voted me most likely to succeed! You're fired. +You're fired. But, sir! -- +But, sir! -- Get your feet off that desk. +But -- Get out of my sight. +My God! The Bumstead contracts!! Oh my God, sir! +You nitwit! I worked for three years on this deal! Oh my God, sir! +Why you nitwit. You almost destroyed the most sensitive deal of my career! Oh my God, sir! +Not that way! Through the door! But, sir! +Up on your feet! We don't crawl at Hudsucker Industries! Sir, my leg is on fire! +My God! The Bumstead contracts! Oh my God, sir! +That reminds me, Mr. Mu... uh, Sid. I never did give you that-- Lobby. We haven't got all day. +Relax, Norville. It's only natural in a period of transition for the more nervous element to run for cover. Okay, Sid. Like I said, you're the expert, but -- +...You don't happen to remember the plan I outlined to you the day I set fire to your off -- uh, the day I was promoted? I do remember and I was impressed. Anyway, that's all forgotten now. Driver! +I do remember and I was impressed. Anyway, that's all forgotten now. Driver! Thank you, Sid, but the reason I mention it is, it would require such a small capital investment -- again, you're the expert here -- +Thank you, Sid, but the reason I mention it is, it would require such a small capital investment -- again, you're the expert here -- Damnit, where's my car! +Damnit, where's my car! -- But there's such an enormous potential profit-wise given the demographics -- baby boom -- discretionary income in the burgeoning middle class -- +Finally. -- So if you think it's appropriate, I'd like to bounce the idea off a few people at lunch -- +...Congratulations, kid, you've really outdone yourself. Reinvented the wheel. I'm going to recommend to the Board that we proceed immediately with this, uh... with the, uh... that the dingus be mass-produced with all deliberate speed. Of course, as president of the company the ultimate decision is yours. Well... I'm for it... +Sorry I'm late, Sid. That back nine at Riverdale is really murder. Sure, sure, it's a tough course. Well thanks for coming, kid. I thought the board room would be a swell place to chat undisturbed -- it seems we're having some security problems here at the Hud. +Sure, sure, it's a tough course. Well thanks for coming, kid. I thought the board room would be a swell place to chat undisturbed -- it seems we're having some security problems here at the Hud. Ya don't say. +Ya don't say. Mm. Ordinarily I wouldn't bother you with it, but -- this is embarrassing, kid -- it seems to concern you directly. +Mm. Ordinarily I wouldn't bother you with it, but -- this is embarrassing, kid -- it seems to concern you directly. How's that, Sid? +How's that, Sid? It's not important in itself -- some elevator boy you fired came to me claiming you'd stolen the idea for the, uh, the hoop dingus from him -- +It's not important in itself -- some elevator boy you fired came to me claiming you'd stolen the idea for the, uh, the hoop dingus from him -- Huh?! He -- no, I -- he's just -- maybe I was a little rough on the boy, ya see I -- +Huh?! He -- no, I -- he's just -- maybe I was a little rough on the boy, ya see I -- Ah forget it, kid, ya don't have to explain to me. He's a little person. He's nothing. Like I say, ordinarily it would just be a nuisance. But it seems -- well, there was a spy in the company... +I got gas, Bennie. Yeah, tell me about it. +Yeah, tell me about it. No kiddin', Bennie. I got gas. +No kiddin', Bennie. I got gas. Ya get the special? +Ya get the special? Fah from it... +...Enter the dame. There's one in every story. +There's one in every story. Ten bucks says she's looking for a handout. +Ten bucks says she's looking for a handout. Twenty bucks says not here she don't find one. +Twenty bucks says not here she don't find one. She's looking for her mark. +She finds him. She sits down. +...and awduhs a light lunch. She looks in her purse... +...No money. The mark notices. +...He's not noticing, Benny. Maybe he's wise. +Maybe he's wise. He don't look wise. +He don't look wise. Plan two: Here come the waterworks. +Yellowstone. Old Faithful. +Old Faithful. Hello, Niagara. +Hello, Niagara. He notices. +She's got other problems, of course... ...Her mother needs an operation... +...Her mother needs an operation... ...adenoids. +...adenoids. No, Bennie: Lumbago. +Maybe he's wise. He don't look wise. +She isn't! She is! +She's good, Bennie. She's damn good, Lou. +Good morning, miss. Thank you for waking me. +Thank you for waking me. I didn't want to frighten you out of your sleep, Miss. That's why I touched you farthest from your heart. +But I'm Miss Jessica's nurse, Alma. You don't have to do that for me. I know, miss. But I like to do it. I like to tend for Miss Jessica and I want to tend for you. You settle right back, now, and I'll mix you your coffee. +I know, miss. But I like to do it. I like to tend for Miss Jessica and I want to tend for you. You settle right back, now, and I'll mix you your coffee. Thank you, Alma. +Miss Jessica used to say this is the only way for a lady to break her fast -- in bed, with a lacy cushion to bank her head up. If you'd only seen her, Miss Connell. She looked so pretty. She must have been beautiful. What happened to her, Alma? +She must have been beautiful. What happened to her, Alma? She was very sick and then she went mindless, Miss. +She was very sick and then she went mindless, Miss. We'll see if we can't make her well, Alma, you and I. +We'll see if we can't make her well, Alma, you and I. I do my best. Every day I dress her just as beautifully as if she was well. It's just like dressing a great, big doll. +What's this? "A puff-up, I call it. But Miss Jessica always says ""brioche.""" +"A puff-up, I call it. But Miss Jessica always says ""brioche.""" Looks like an awful lot of breakfast -- I don't know whether I'll be able to get away with it. +Things so bad, nobody can help -- not even Doctor Maxwell. Doctors and nurses can only do so much, Alma. They can't cure everything. +Doctors and nurses can only do so much, Alma. They can't cure everything. Doctors that are people can't cure everything. +Doctors that are people can't cure everything. "What do you mean -- ""doctors that are people""?" +"What do you mean -- ""doctors that are people""?" There are other doctors...Yes, other doctors...Better doctors... +There are other doctors...Yes, other doctors...Better doctors... Where? +Where? At the Houmfort. +At the Houmfort. That's nonsense, Alma. +That's nonsense, Alma. They even cure nonsense, Miss Betsy. Mama Rose was mindless. I was at the Houmfort when the Houngan brought her mind back. +They even cure nonsense, Miss Betsy. Mama Rose was mindless. I was at the Houmfort when the Houngan brought her mind back. You mean Mama Rose was like Mrs. Holland? +You mean Mama Rose was like Mrs. Holland? No. She was mindless but not like Miss Jessica. But the Houngan cured her. +No. She was mindless but not like Miss Jessica. But the Houngan cured her. Are you trying to tell me that the Houngan -- the voodoo priest -- could cure Mrs. Holland? +Are you trying to tell me that the Houngan -- the voodoo priest -- could cure Mrs. Holland? Yes, Miss Betsy. I mean that. The Houngan will speak to the rada drums and the drums will speak to Shango and Damballa. +Times gone, Fort Holland was a fort...now, no longer. The Holland's are a most old family, miss. They brought the colored people to the island-- the colored folks and Ti-Misery. Ti-Misery? What's that? +Ti-Misery? What's that? A man, miss -- an old man who lives in the garden at Fort Holland - with arrows stuck in him and a sorrowful, weeping look on his black face. +A man, miss -- an old man who lives in the garden at Fort Holland - with arrows stuck in him and a sorrowful, weeping look on his black face. Alive? +Alive? No, miss. He's just as he was in the beginning -- on the front part of an enormous boat. +No, miss. He's just as he was in the beginning -- on the front part of an enormous boat. You mean a figurehead. +You mean a figurehead. If you say, miss. And the enormous boat brought the long-ago Fathers and the long-ago Mothers of us all - chained down to the deep side floor. +If you say, miss. And the enormous boat brought the long-ago Fathers and the long-ago Mothers of us all - chained down to the deep side floor. But they came to a beautiful place, didn't they? +But they came to a beautiful place, didn't they? If you say, miss. If you say. +I think you need some help. I'm afraid so. +I'm afraid so. Ti-Joseph? +I really intended going out to the Fort and meeting you long before this, Miss Connell. I'm Mrs. Rand -- Wesley's mother. Oh, Mrs. Rand -- +Oh, Mrs. Rand -- Come, come, don't tell me how sorry you are that I should meet you this way. I'm even a little glad that Wesley's difficulty brought us together. +Believe me, Mrs. Rand, he doesn't do this often. This is the first time I've seen him -- Nonsense, child! I know Wesley's been drinking too much lately. I know a great deal more about what goes on at Fort Holland than you'd think. I know all about you -- that you're a nice girl, competent and kind to Jessica. The Fort needs a girl like you. But now we've got to get you back there. I'll walk you back and stay over night. It'll be a nice change for me. +Thank you, Mrs. Rand. I think you're every bit as nice as Wes says you are. So -- he says I'm nice. He's a nice boy, too, Miss Connell, a very nice boy. But I'm worried about his drinking. +I'd love to. Use your influence with Paul. Ask him to take that whiskey decanter off the dinner table. +Use your influence with Paul. Ask him to take that whiskey decanter off the dinner table. I've no influence with Mr. Holland. +I've no influence with Mr. Holland. Try it -- you may have more influence than you think. +Some of this native nonsense. The Houngan has his prescription and Dr. Maxwell and I have ours. You've never said anything about voodoo before, Mrs. Rand. +You've never said anything about voodoo before, Mrs. Rand. Haven't I? I suppose I take it for granted. It's just part of everyday life here. +Haven't I? I suppose I take it for granted. It's just part of everyday life here. You don't believe in it? +You don't believe in it? A missionary's widow? It isn't very likely, is it? +A missionary's widow? It isn't very likely, is it? I don't mean believe, like believing in a religion. I mean, do you believe it has power? Do you think it could heal a sick person? +I don't mean believe, like believing in a religion. I mean, do you believe it has power? Do you think it could heal a sick person? Frankly, my dear, I didn't expect anything like this from a nice level-headed girl. What are you driving at? +Frankly, my dear, I didn't expect anything like this from a nice level-headed girl. What are you driving at? "I heard the servants talking about someone called Mama Rose. They said she had been ""mindless""..." +"I heard the servants talking about someone called Mama Rose. They said she had been ""mindless""..." Her son drowned. She brooded until her mind was affected. All the Houngan did was coax her out of it with a little practical psychology. +Mrs. Rand. Wait. Don't draw any conclusions. Let me explain. +Wait. Don't draw any conclusions. Let me explain. But, Mrs. Rand -- +But, Mrs. Rand -- I knew you'd come. And I knew I'd have to come up here and talk to you. I couldn't let you go back without any word. I came to tell you again -- Jessica cannot be cured. +I knew you'd come. And I knew I'd have to come up here and talk to you. I couldn't let you go back without any word. I came to tell you again -- Jessica cannot be cured. But how did you get here? What are you doing here? +But how did you get here? What are you doing here? I asked you to let me explain. It's a long story. And not an easy one -- +-- and when my husband died I felt helpless. They disobeyed me -- things went from bad to worse. All my husband's dreams of good health, good sanitation, good morals for these sweet and gentle people seemed to die with him. Then, almost accidentally, I discovered the secret of how to deal with them. There was a girl with a baby -- again and again I begged her to boil the drinking water. She never would. Then I told her the god, Shango, would be pleased and kill the evil spirits in the water if she boiled it. She boiled the water from then on. But you didn't have to come up here. +But you didn't have to come up here. Perhaps not. But I did come here and I found it was so simple to let the gods speak through me. Once started, it seemed such an easy way to do good. I should have known there was no easy way to do good, Betsy. +Why, Betsy -- we can't lose you. You mean too much to us here. That's sweet of you, Mrs. Rand. +Mrs. Rand... You must, Betsy. They'll have to believe you. +You must, Betsy. They'll have to believe you. Mrs. Rand was at the Houmfort that night. But there's nothing wrong with that. She's gone there for years -- trying to take care of those people, to help them. +Does she suffer? I don't know. I prefer to think of her as a sleepwalker who can never be awakened -- feeling nothing, knowing nothing. +She can never be cured? I've never heard of a cure. +I've never heard of a cure. Is this disease common in the tropics? +Is this disease common in the tropics? Fortunately, not. This is my first experience with it as a physician. But I have seen half-witted field hands -- whom the other peasants call Zombies. I am sure they suffer from a similar destruction of spinal nerves as the result of high fever. +I prepared these for you last night, Miss Connell. Thank you. +I've worked with it. I've seen cures. It is at least a hope. It's the very danger itself that makes the cure possible, Mr. Holland. The insulin produces a state of coma, a stupor. The patient is revived from the coma by a violent overwhelming nerve shock. That nerve shock can kill -- but it can also restore the damaged mind. +Miss Connell's testimony will be very important. I would have stayed anyway, Dr. Maxwell. +You're single? Yes. +Yes. Where were you trained? +Where were you trained? At the Memorial Hospital -- here in Ottawa. +They didn't teach it at Memorial Hospital. I had my suspicions, though, about the Directress of Training. Very well. That means that you have met all Mr. Holland's requirements. Now, as to salary -- it's quite good -- two hundred dollars a month. +Very well. That means that you have met all Mr. Holland's requirements. Now, as to salary -- it's quite good -- two hundred dollars a month. That is good. But I'd like to know more about the case. +That is good. But I'd like to know more about the case. I'm afraid I'm not able to tell you much. Only that the patient is a young woman -- the wife of a Mr. Paul Holland with whom we do considerable business. +I'm afraid I'm not able to tell you much. Only that the patient is a young woman -- the wife of a Mr. Paul Holland with whom we do considerable business. That will mean another interview, won't it? +That will mean another interview, won't it? No, this is quite final. You see, Mr. Holland is a sugar planter. He lives in St. Sebastian Island in the West Indies. +No, this is quite final. You see, Mr. Holland is a sugar planter. He lives in St. Sebastian Island in the West Indies. The West Indies? +The West Indies? A year's contract -- a trip with all expenses paid -- that's not so bad, you know. +A year's contract -- a trip with all expenses paid -- that's not so bad, you know. But it's so far away... +But it's so far away... That's rather nice, isn't it? +It seems we are having dinner by ourselves, Miss Connell. But I may as well introduce everyone to you, anyway. There -- in the master's chair, sits the master -- my half-brother Paul Holland. But you've already met him. Yes -- on the boat. +Yes -- on the boat. And that chair -- is the particular property of Mrs. Rand -- mother to both of us and much too good for either of us. Too wise, in fact, to live under the same roof. She prefers the village dispensary. +And that chair -- is the particular property of Mrs. Rand -- mother to both of us and much too good for either of us. Too wise, in fact, to live under the same roof. She prefers the village dispensary. Is she a doctor? +Is she a doctor? No -- she just runs the place. She's everything else -- amazing woman, mother. You'll like her. +No -- she just runs the place. She's everything else -- amazing woman, mother. You'll like her. I like her already. +I like her already. And that -- is my chair. And this -- is Miss Connell -- who is beautiful. +And that -- is my chair. And this -- is Miss Connell -- who is beautiful. Thank you. But who sits there? +Thank you. But who sits there? My brother's wife. +-- But, you're an American? I went to school in Buffalo. Paul went to school in England. +I went to school in Buffalo. Paul went to school in England. I wondered about your different accents. I'm still wondering about your names -- Rand and Holland. +I wondered about your different accents. I'm still wondering about your names -- Rand and Holland. We're half-brothers. Paul is mother's first child. When his father died, she married my father. Dr. Rand, the missionary. And you know what they say about missionaries' children. +As a matter of fact, it means the sugar syrup is ready to be poured off. You'll have to excuse me. Of course. It's been nice of you to spend this much time with me. +Don't worry. I wasn't missed. The only important man here is the owner. Mr. Holland? +Mr. Holland? Yes, the redoubtable Paul. He has the plantation, and I, as you must have noticed, have all the charm. +Yes, the redoubtable Paul. He has the plantation, and I, as you must have noticed, have all the charm. I don't know. He spoke to me last night on the boat. I liked him very much. +I don't know. He spoke to me last night on the boat. I liked him very much. Ah, yes, our Paul, strong and silent and very sad -- quite the Byronic character. Perhaps I ought to cultivate it. +Perhaps you ought to get on to the mill. It'll wait. +Where do you think you're going? It's my day off. +It's my day off. But what in the world can you do with a day off in St. Sebastian? +But what in the world can you do with a day off in St. Sebastian? I was just beginning to wonder. Aren't there shops, restaurants and things? +I was just beginning to wonder. Aren't there shops, restaurants and things? Well -- and things -- might be a better description of what you'll find. I'd better come along and show you the town. +But don't you have to work? By a curious coincidence, it's my day off, too. +Bring me another, Ti-Joseph. I have to keep the lady entertained. It must be hard work entertaining me if it requires six ounces of rum. +It must be hard work entertaining me if it requires six ounces of rum. What in the world are you talking about? Six ounces -- ? +What in the world are you talking about? Six ounces -- ? Higher mathematics. Two ounces to a drink -- three drinks, six ounces. +Higher mathematics. Two ounces to a drink -- three drinks, six ounces. How do you know there's two ounces in a drink? +How do you know there's two ounces in a drink? I'm a nurse. I always watch people when they pour something. I watched Ti-Joseph and it was exactly two ounces. +Listen, did I tell you that story about the little mule at the plantation -- the little mule and Clement? Let me tell you. It's one of the funniest stories -- Wait. I want to listen. +Don't let it bother you so, Wes. Did you hear what he sang? +I wish I hadn't heard -- Why? Everybody else knows it. Paul saw to that. Sometimes I think he planned the whole thing from the beginning -- just to watch me squirm. +Why? Everybody else knows it. Paul saw to that. Sometimes I think he planned the whole thing from the beginning -- just to watch me squirm. That doesn't sound like him. +That doesn't sound like him. That's right -- he's playing the noble husband for you, isn't he? That won't last long. +That's right -- he's playing the noble husband for you, isn't he? That won't last long. I'd like to go now, Rand. Would you mind taking me home? +I'd like to go now, Rand. Would you mind taking me home? "One of these days he'll start on you, the way he did on her. ""You think life's beautiful, don't you, Jessica? You think you're beautiful, don't you, Jessica?"" What he could do to that word ""beautiful."" That's Paul's great weapon -- words. He uses them the way other men use their fists." +Betsy, can I talk to you a minute? Of course, Wes. +Does she suffer? Does she know what she is? I don't know. I once asked Dr. Maxwell the same question. He said he thought she was like a sleepwalker who would never waken. +I don't know. I once asked Dr. Maxwell the same question. He said he thought she was like a sleepwalker who would never waken. She hated sleep. She used to say it was a thief -- stealing away her life, an hour at a time... +She hated sleep. She used to say it was a thief -- stealing away her life, an hour at a time... Not to a nurse. Sleep is a cure. +She's dead. The dead ought to be buried. But she's not dead, Wes. +But she's not dead, Wes. You know what she is! That's death -- no mind, no senses -- no love, no hate, no feeling -- nothing! +You know what she is! That's death -- no mind, no senses -- no love, no hate, no feeling -- nothing! Please, Wes, do as I ask. You must rest, you must sleep. +No, Wes. Jessica was never any good for Paul. You will be, you are. And Mother -- seeing Jessica day after day -- never able to escape, never able to forget. Please, Betsy -- it's only merciful. +It is not beautiful. You read my thoughts, Mr. Holland. +You read my thoughts, Mr. Holland. It's easy enough to read the thoughts of a newcomer. Everything seems beautiful because you don't understand. Those flying fish -- they are not leaping for joy. They're jumping in terror. Bigger fish want to eat them. That luminous water -- it takes its gleam from millions of tiny dead bodies. It's the glitter of putrescence. There's no beauty here -- it's death and decay. +It's easy enough to read the thoughts of a newcomer. Everything seems beautiful because you don't understand. Those flying fish -- they are not leaping for joy. They're jumping in terror. Bigger fish want to eat them. That luminous water -- it takes its gleam from millions of tiny dead bodies. It's the glitter of putrescence. There's no beauty here -- it's death and decay. You can't really believe that. +Have the servants made you comfortable? Yes, thank you. +Can't I take it for you? No, thank you. Tomorrow's time enough for you to begin work. +I heard someone crying -- a woman -- A woman crying? No one's been crying here. +Why was the maid crying? I'm not sure I can make you understand. You know what this is? +I'm not sure I can make you understand. You know what this is? A figure of St. Sebastian. +A figure of St. Sebastian. Yes. But it was once the figurehead of a slave ship. That's where our people came from -- from the misery and pain of slavery. For generations they found life a burden. That's why they still weep when a child is born -- and make merry at a burial. +I made it clear in my letter to the company. This is not a position for a frightened girl. I am not a frightened girl. +I am not a frightened girl. That's hard to believe, after what happened last night. +That's hard to believe, after what happened last night. If I were as timid as you seem to think, Mr. Holland, I wouldn't have gone into the tower in the first place. +If I were as timid as you seem to think, Mr. Holland, I wouldn't have gone into the tower in the first place. And what is so alarming about the tower, Miss Connell? +And what is so alarming about the tower, Miss Connell? Nothing -- really. But you must admit it's an eerie sort of place -- so dark -- +Nothing -- really. But you must admit it's an eerie sort of place -- so dark -- Surely nurses aren't afraid of the dark? +Surely nurses aren't afraid of the dark? Of course not! +A mental case? I'm sorry... +I'm sorry... Why should you be? My wife is a mental case. Please keep that in mind, Miss Connell -- particularly when some of the foolish people of this island start talking to you about Zombies. +You didn't find your patient so frightening in the daylight, did you? Mrs. Holland must have been beautiful --- +Mrs. Holland must have been beautiful --- Many people thought her beautiful. +I suppose so. Yes. And charming? +And charming? I've never given it much thought. +I've never given it much thought. Don't. It will save you a great deal of trouble and other people a great unhappiness. +Good morning, Miss Connell. Good morning. +"I heard about your little misadventure yesterday, Miss Connell. On your first ""day off,"" too." Well, I had a good time up to a point. +Well, I had a good time up to a point. Wesley can be very entertaining. +Wesley can be very entertaining. Yes, he can. But I've been wondering -- you know if you could leave the whisky decanter off the table -- +Yes, he can. But I've been wondering -- you know if you could leave the whisky decanter off the table -- It's always stood there, Miss Connell. I can remember it in my grandfather's time and my father's. I'm afraid it will have to remain. +It's always stood there, Miss Connell. I can remember it in my grandfather's time and my father's. I'm afraid it will have to remain. But for Wes -- it must be a temptation to him. +But for Wes -- it must be a temptation to him. I've no sympathy with people who can't resist temptation. +I've no sympathy with people who can't resist temptation. Still, I feel you should remove the decanter. Wes is not an alcoholic yet, Mr. Holland. But as a nurse I can tell you that it won't be long before he is. +Still, I feel you should remove the decanter. Wes is not an alcoholic yet, Mr. Holland. But as a nurse I can tell you that it won't be long before he is. I'm afraid the decanter will have to stay where it is. I engaged you, Miss Connell, to take care of my wife, not my brother. +You don't seem very disturbed by it. I've always thought Voodoo was something to be scared of: the drums sounded in the hills and everybody was frightened. I'm afraid it's not very frightening. They have their songs and dances and carry on and finally, as I understand it, one of the gods comes down and speaks through one of the people. +I heard you playing. I often do. +I often do. I know what you went through tonight. I kept thinking of what you said: that all good things died here, violently. +I know what you went through tonight. I kept thinking of what you said: that all good things died here, violently. Why did you come in here? +Why did you come in here? I don't know. I wanted to help you. And now that I'm here, I don't know how. +You have helped me. I want you to know I'm sorry I brought you here. When I thought of a nurse, I thought of someone hard and impersonal. I love Fort Holland. +I love Fort Holland. What you saw tonight -- two brothers at each other's throat and a woman driven mad by her own husband? Do you love that? +What you saw tonight -- two brothers at each other's throat and a woman driven mad by her own husband? Do you love that? You didn't drive her mad. +You didn't drive her mad. Didn't I? I don't know. That's the simple truth of it. I don't know. +Well? She is alive, Mr. Holland -- that's all. +Don't take it to heart, Betsy. I imagined this so differently... +"I've been waiting here for hours, trying to imagine Jessica well again -- wondering what I'd feel. I could see Jessica as she used to be, I could hear her say in that sweet mocking voice, ""Paul, darling..."" The whole thing beginning all over again..." And instead, I came -- bringing you nothing. +And instead, I came -- bringing you nothing. Instead -- you come, with sympathy, Betsy, and a generous heart. Don't forget that. Don't call it nothing. +I wanted to help you. Help me? How? +Help me? How? I took Mrs. Holland to the Houmfort. I thought they might cure her. +I took Mrs. Holland to the Houmfort. I thought they might cure her. You have deliberately endangered Mrs. Holland's life. There's no telling what you may have started with this insanity. Why did you do it? +You have deliberately endangered Mrs. Holland's life. There's no telling what you may have started with this insanity. Why did you do it? I told you. +I told you. Because you wanted to give my wife back to me? Why should that mean anything to you? +Because you wanted to give my wife back to me? Why should that mean anything to you? You know why. You saw it the other night at the piano. You turned away from me. +You know why. You saw it the other night at the piano. You turned away from me. What I saw the other night, I didn't dare believe, Betsy -- +You think I love Jessica and want her back. It is like you to think that -- clean, decent thinking. She was beautiful. +She was beautiful. I hated her. +I still can't believe it Paul -- that you wouldn't say a word in your own defense. I have no defense. So far as I know -- it is true. +I have no defense. So far as I know -- it is true. You can't believe that. You don't know what viciousness it would take to drive a person mad. You're not vicious or cruel, Paul. +You can't believe that. You don't know what viciousness it would take to drive a person mad. You're not vicious or cruel, Paul. How do you know I'm not? I was cruel to Jessica. When I got to know her -- when I found out how empty and ungenerous she was, there was something about her -- something smooth and false -- that made we want to hurt her. +How do you know I'm not? I was cruel to Jessica. When I got to know her -- when I found out how empty and ungenerous she was, there was something about her -- something smooth and false -- that made we want to hurt her. I can understand that. Everyone feels that way about someone. +I can understand that. Everyone feels that way about someone. No. It's not just how I felt toward Jessica. I've been cruel to even you. +You wanted to warn me... The night you came to me in this room -- to comfort me, to help me -- I turned you away. +The night you came to me in this room -- to comfort me, to help me -- I turned you away. Don't, Paul -- don't doubt yourself -- don't make me doubt you. +Don't, Paul -- don't doubt yourself -- don't make me doubt you. I remember words I said to Jessica - words mixed like to poison -- to hurt her, to madden her. +I remember words I said to Jessica - words mixed like to poison -- to hurt her, to madden her. That's past -- that's over and done with... +That's past -- that's over and done with... I want you to be safe, Betsy. I want to know you're away from this place -- home again, where nothing can harm you -- nothing and no one. +I want you to be safe, Betsy. I want to know you're away from this place -- home again, where nothing can harm you -- nothing and no one. You want that? +You want that? Yes. +Considering that the paper is three months old and this isn't Sunday -- no thank you. I guess I'll wait until I'm home, Mrs. Rand. +I wouldn't worry too much, Commissioner. It'll pass. We've had this sort of thing before. This is something else. They're curious. Curiosity and religious fervor make a strange and explosive mixture. +This is something else. They're curious. Curiosity and religious fervor make a strange and explosive mixture. I'm quite sure nothing will happen, Doctor. +Wesley! I am afraid, Wesley, he has that right. And I will have to urge him to use it. +I think I do. I've often talked a little voodoo to get medicine down a patient's throat. It's more than that, Doctor. I've entered into their ceremonies - pretended to be possessed by their gods... +And what happened then, Mrs. Rand? I hated myself. I kept saying to myself over and over again that these people had no power; they had no strange drugs; that there is no such thing as a Zombie. +I hated myself. I kept saying to myself over and over again that these people had no power; they had no strange drugs; that there is no such thing as a Zombie. Ah -- that's where reason took hold. +Ah -- that's where reason took hold. Yes, I said it, and I made myself believe it. But when I got here, Jessica was already raging with fever. +Yes, I said it, and I made myself believe it. But when I got here, Jessica was already raging with fever. Two things had happened, Mrs. Rand. One was that your daughter-in-law had been taken ill with a fever. The other thing -- completely disconnected -- was that you had wished her ill, because she had hurt your sons. +Two things had happened, Mrs. Rand. One was that your daughter-in-law had been taken ill with a fever. The other thing -- completely disconnected -- was that you had wished her ill, because she had hurt your sons. But I had no thought of harming her. It wasn't I... +But I had no thought of harming her. It wasn't I... You were possessed. That is true -- possessed by your subconscious mind. You were in the Houmfort, surrounded by their symbols. To them, nothing worse can happen to a person than to be made into a Zombie. Your subconscious mind used their own words for evil. +All that you say comes down to the same thing. You are asking me to pass a sentence of life or death on my own wife. Insulin shock treatment is an extreme measure, Mr. Holland. But -- as Miss Connell pointed out when she suggested it -- this is an extreme case. +Insulin shock treatment is an extreme measure, Mr. Holland. But -- as Miss Connell pointed out when she suggested it -- this is an extreme case. You admit that it is terribly dangerous. Why do you advise it? +I don't know -- I don't know-- It is a hard decision to make -- but yours is only a technical responsibility... +It is a hard decision to make -- but yours is only a technical responsibility... Technical responsibility, real responsibility -- what difference does it make? Jessica lives -- or she dies. That's what we're talking about! +But I assure you, Father Walters, Miss Connell had no idea of the consequences when she went there. Paul, we're not trying to blame Miss Connell. It isn't a question of blame. It's a question of what we are to do with Jessica. The commissioner is very concerned. +An accident at the mill? No -- it's about Mrs. Holland. A result of our discussion the other day, I'm afraid. +No -- it's about Mrs. Holland. A result of our discussion the other day, I'm afraid. What about her? +What about her? In view of all the circumstances, the commissioner has decided on a legal investigation. +In view of all the circumstances, the commissioner has decided on a legal investigation. Investigation of what? +Investigation of what? Of the nature of Mrs. Holland's illness. And, of course, the events which led up to it. +Of the nature of Mrs. Holland's illness. And, of course, the events which led up to it. In other words, I'm on trial. +In other words, I'm on trial. I did everything I could to forestall this, Paul. I don't think there's any question of your innocence in the matter. But there's been too much talk. The thing's out of hand. +I did everything I could to forestall this, Paul. I don't think there's any question of your innocence in the matter. But there's been too much talk. The thing's out of hand. Maybe it's better this way, Mother. I'm glad you're going home, Betsy -- you'll be out of the mess. +Dr. Maxwell is right, Mother. Emotion tricks all of us, Mrs. Rand. And you are a woman with a very strong conscience. That conscience has been tormenting you. The rest is coincidence. There is no such thing as a Zombie. The dead do not come back to life. Death is final. +Well, Jeffries, why come to us about it? Why don't you go up to the Houmfort and put a stop to the drumming and dancing -- that's what causes all the trouble. No. You're quite wrong. Right here's the seat of the trouble. Mrs. Holland has become an object of speculation and religious interest to these people. It's revived all their old superstitions -- Zombies -- and that sort of nonsense. +If I were as sure as you, Mrs. Rand, we wouldn't be here. I'll tell you quite bluntly: for the peace of the island and possibly for her own safety, we've come to ask you to send Mrs. Holland away to St. Thomas. To the asylum? +To the asylum? I believe there's a kinder name for it, Wesley. At St. Thomas, it's called the Institute for Mental Therapy. +I believe there's a kinder name for it, Wesley. At St. Thomas, it's called the Institute for Mental Therapy. It doesn't matter what you call it. I can tell you right now Jessica isn't going! +I tell you he hasn't and he wouldn't dare use it if he had. Why? +Why? Because he drove Jessica insane -- deliberately -- coldly! +That could be a serious accusation, Rand, if it weren't a foolish one. Foolish? Tell them how foolish it is, Paul -- tell them! +Dr. Maxwell -- it's nice to see you. Dr. Maxwell has very unpleasant news for us. +We're all in it. There won't be a shred of pride or decency left for any of use. Say something, Paul! You've always been good with words. Put some together, now, and tell us that you're not responsible -- that every damnable bit of it doesn't rest squarely on your shoulders! You're wrong, Wesley. The guilt is mine -- all of it. +You're wrong, Wesley. The guilt is mine -- all of it. Are you going to lie for him, Mother? +Are you going to lie for him, Mother? Betsy, tell them about the Houmfort. Tell them what you saw there. +That isn't true. You never understood her. That night, I went to the Houmfort. I kept seeing Jessica's face -- smiling -- smiling because two men hated each other -- because she was beautiful enough to take my family in her hands and break it apart. The drums seemed to be beating in my head. The chanting -- the lights -- everything blurred together. And then I heard a voice, speaking in a sudden silence. My voice. I was possessed. I said that the woman at Fort Holland was evil and that the Houngan must maker her a Zombie. +And speaking of which, you have those market share charts Mr. Shackley was asking about? Gotcha George, not a problem. Tomorrow. Hey, you want to start covering the old filmed entertainment sector yourself? +Gotcha George, not a problem. Tomorrow. Hey, you want to start covering the old filmed entertainment sector yourself? Ben you know that's your territory - and I wouldn't dream to trespass - you're the expert. Hey, how do you think Paramount's gonna do with that Blatty novel, what's it called? The Exorcist? +Ben you know that's your territory - and I wouldn't dream to trespass - you're the expert. Hey, how do you think Paramount's gonna do with that Blatty novel, what's it called? The Exorcist? Overpriced bomb, cost over $6 million -- no stars, and no one's into the horror genre these days anyway. I'm advising the company recommend reducing positions there. It's disaster films that are gonna stay at the top. +Overpriced bomb, cost over $6 million -- no stars, and no one's into the horror genre these days anyway. I'm advising the company recommend reducing positions there. It's disaster films that are gonna stay at the top. Brilliant. Hey, you heading out a little early today? +Brilliant. Hey, you heading out a little early today? Got a meeting uptown. +Got a meeting uptown. Right o'. +Right o'. Up the organization! Bastard. +Benjie! Clair, George Clair! What the hell brings you to New Canaan? +Clair, George Clair! What the hell brings you to New Canaan? Well, it's the funniest thing. I've been talking to some investors -- a little outside venture, you understand, between you and me -- about a scheme to manufacture a new Styrofoam packaging. Little peanut like pieces that can really keep an item free from trauma during shipping. Miraculous. Anyway, it turns out the genius behind the whole project is your neighbor, Jim Williams. How about that! +Well, it's the funniest thing. I've been talking to some investors -- a little outside venture, you understand, between you and me -- about a scheme to manufacture a new Styrofoam packaging. Little peanut like pieces that can really keep an item free from trauma during shipping. Miraculous. Anyway, it turns out the genius behind the whole project is your neighbor, Jim Williams. How about that! Well, hey, isn't that a one-in-a million coincidence. A real dreamer, Jim Williams, eh? +Well, hey, isn't that a one-in-a million coincidence. A real dreamer, Jim Williams, eh? Darned right. Look here, Benj, whaddya make of this sequel to The Godfather? You think it's gonna work? +Darned right. Look here, Benj, whaddya make of this sequel to The Godfather? You think it's gonna work? Don't see how. I think the public's had its fill of this gangster stuff. No, trust me -- disaster pics. And air hockey. +Don't see how. I think the public's had its fill of this gangster stuff. No, trust me -- disaster pics. And air hockey. Yeah, good. +Well, gonna make a break for the hors d'oeuvres guy. Yeah, see you bright and early Monday am. Say, where's the wife? +Yeah, see you bright and early Monday am. Say, where's the wife? In Rhode Island with the folks. I'm a free agent tonight. +OK, OK, the defense rests. Want another? No thank you. We should be off. +No thank you. We should be off. Gotcha. +Don't be so modest, Ben. It's a job that requires a certain prescience with regards to entertainment trends. You were the first to predict that Billy Jack would be a hit -- And as usual no one believed me... +You're staring at me. I wasn't star-- +I wasn't star-- I've been thinking, Ben, about Wendy. I was going to ask if she'd come with me sometime to meet Dr. Woolens. +I've been thinking, Ben, about Wendy. I was going to ask if she'd come with me sometime to meet Dr. Woolens. That shrink -- the one you always wanted me to see? I thought you dropped him. +That shrink -- the one you always wanted me to see? I thought you dropped him. I did, but -- somebody should probably see her, talk to her... You think she's ok? +I did, but -- somebody should probably see her, talk to her... You think she's ok? Why shouldn't she be? +Then again, why should she be? I mean with us, with our... So maybe you'll come too? +So maybe you'll come too? Oh not again Elena! If we've got problems, why can't you just come out and talk about them. +Oh not again Elena! If we've got problems, why can't you just come out and talk about them. It's you Ben who needs to talk. I've had my say, and I'm waiting to hear back from you. +It's you Ben who needs to talk. I've had my say, and I'm waiting to hear back from you. "Yeah but Elena, even you don't believe all that ""I'm OK. You're OK"" stuff you keep babbling about -- you say so yourself. I've been all ears for about ten years now on his subject, and --" +"Yeah but Elena, even you don't believe all that ""I'm OK. You're OK"" stuff you keep babbling about -- you say so yourself. I've been all ears for about ten years now on his subject, and --" -- And you haven't moved out yet. It's because you're too lazy, Ben. Too scared or lazy to either deal with us or simply make a decision -- +-- And you haven't moved out yet. It's because you're too lazy, Ben. Too scared or lazy to either deal with us or simply make a decision -- Elena. +Good night. Good night. +The Halfords have invited us again this year. You want to go? +You want to go? What do you think? +What do you think? Well, it is a neighborhood tradition. +I'm, uh, going to bed. So early? +So early? Rough day. Good night. +Oh yeah. Musk, or something. You like it? Hmm. Good night. +You all right there? Oh. Sure, I -- Did you remember to pick up the cranberry sauce? +Oh. Sure, I -- Did you remember to pick up the cranberry sauce? Um, yes. +Because you like it on your turkey sandwiches. I do. I'm -- are you...? +I do. I'm -- are you...? I... I think I am... +I... I think I am... You know Elena, I've been thinking-- +You know Elena, I've been thinking-- Ben, maybe no talking right now? If you start talking, you're going to-- +You crying? I'm just sad Ben -- I mean it was... you were, but, you know. I just don't know... +I'm just sad Ben -- I mean it was... you were, but, you know. I just don't know... Whatever that means Elena -- And you complain about me not communicating... I thought it was -- +Whatever that means Elena -- And you complain about me not communicating... I thought it was -- No, I didn't mean to sound negative. It was -- But Ben. What is going to happen with us? Have you -- +No, I didn't mean to sound negative. It was -- But Ben. What is going to happen with us? Have you -- You have to bring this up now? What? Did I do something here? Is that it? Is it something I did? +You have to bring this up now? What? Did I do something here? Is that it? Is it something I did? I wasn't accusing you, Ben. It's just that we've got to be honest. Not just with ourselves, but with the children. +I wasn't accusing you, Ben. It's just that we've got to be honest. Not just with ourselves, but with the children. Hell, I know. I -- I guess if you want to accuse me, you've got -- Oh hell! I've got to pick up Paul. I almost forgot. +Yikes -- I was hoping to wear this thing to the Halford's Friday. That shirt? +That shirt? What? +What? Leave it -- I'll wash it for you. +The turkey in? Stuffed and baking. +Dinner in ten minutes. You go dry off now. +In the basement over at Janey and Jim's. With that weirdo Mikey. Not even a TV on. And they're on the floor and he's got his trousers down though thank goodness she's still dressed. Well, I really let him have it! ... and Wendy came home peacefully... Hey, should I dress for the Halford's now, or - give me your - Up to you. I'd like to go early and leave pretty soon after that. +Up to you. I'd like to go early and leave pretty soon after that. I get you loud and clear... hey, you look nice. +I get you loud and clear... hey, you look nice. So what were you doing in the Williams' basement anyway? +So what were you doing in the Williams' basement anyway? Oh, just dropping off a coffee cup. Jim left it, last time he was over. It was on the dash of the car. You were, you know, reading, thought I'd just catch some air. Let's eat. +Oh, just dropping off a coffee cup. Jim left it, last time he was over. It was on the dash of the car. You were, you know, reading, thought I'd just catch some air. Let's eat. Oh right. The mustache coffee cup. The one that was sitting on the dash. +Oh right. The mustache coffee cup. The one that was sitting on the dash. Yeah, that one. +Yeah, that one. That one. +What's for dessert? See for yourself. +See for yourself. No advice from the experts, huh? +Don't start. You think I -- +You think I -- I have no idea. +I have no idea. What's on your mind? Don't -- +What's on your mind? Don't -- It wouldn't make a pleasant evening, if that's what you're after. I don't want to talk about it. Stupid mustache cup. +It wouldn't make a pleasant evening, if that's what you're after. I don't want to talk about it. Stupid mustache cup. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Don't be dim. +Don't be dim. Elena, what are you're talking about? +Elena, what are you're talking about? I'm not surprised. +I'm not surprised. Listen, Elena, if you're gonna pull that passive aggressive stuff on me again -- +Listen, Elena, if you're gonna pull that passive aggressive stuff on me again -- Your unfaithfulness -- that's what I'm trying to talk about. Your unfaithfulness. Your betrayal. Your dalliance. And you won't do me the dignity of being up front about it. +Your unfaithfulness -- that's what I'm trying to talk about. Your unfaithfulness. Your betrayal. Your dalliance. And you won't do me the dignity of being up front about it. Am I unfaithful? Is that what you're trying to say? +Am I unfaithful? Is that what you're trying to say? It's a starting place. +It's a starting place. Well, what kind of faithfulness are you after? +Well, what kind of faithfulness are you after? If you're going to insult me -- +If you're going to insult me -- What else could I be? What else could I be? We're not living in the real world here. You're living out some fantasy land from the past, or some advice or something from those psychoanalysts... there are some hard facts here. +Oh lord. You think I'm so dense. And now you want to be seen with your dense wife at the cocktail party. You want to wear that ridiculous shirt which doesn't go with those pants at all. You want to wear that, and you want me to shake hands with your friends and make conversation and dress up in an outfit that shows a lot of cleavage and you're not going to accord me the respect of talking honestly about this... You don't really know what this feels like. Sure I do. Do I know what loneliness feels like? Sure I do. I know a lot about it, if that's what you mean. +Sure I do. Do I know what loneliness feels like? Sure I do. I know a lot about it, if that's what you mean. Benjamin. That's supposed to explain it? +You've... In the car. +In the car. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we'll be right back, Dot. +This just isn't the best moment for this. I know, I know. I had no idea -- +I know, I know. I had no idea -- That this was going to be a key party? +That this was going to be a key party? Yeah, well, if we'd understood we could have invented some kind of excuse. A key party -- did you see how stuffed that bowl was already? +Yeah, well, if we'd understood we could have invented some kind of excuse. A key party -- did you see how stuffed that bowl was already? Well? +Well? I think we're here and we don't have to stay -- we ought simply to put in an appearance and then we can head home. +I think we're here and we don't have to stay -- we ought simply to put in an appearance and then we can head home. Damn it, Ben -- +Damn it, Ben -- I'm not staying at this party so we can go home with someone else's wife. That's not why we're here, right? We're simply being neighbors here, and I think we should do just that -- +I'm not staying at this party so we can go home with someone else's wife. That's not why we're here, right? We're simply being neighbors here, and I think we should do just that -- You're not going to -- +You're not going to -- I'm not. +I'm not. You have some marker, that's what I think, if you want to know the truth. You have some marker and you're going to put it on the house keys so that Janey can find them and then when I get back to the house I'll find the two of you in there and Wendy'll be able to hear you and Paul will be back and he'll hear you and I'll catch you, that's what I think. She'll be swearing and banging against the wall and I'll catch -- +You have some marker, that's what I think, if you want to know the truth. You have some marker and you're going to put it on the house keys so that Janey can find them and then when I get back to the house I'll find the two of you in there and Wendy'll be able to hear you and Paul will be back and he'll hear you and I'll catch you, that's what I think. She'll be swearing and banging against the wall and I'll catch -- Elena. +Elena, it's not what you think. It's not a big plot. Honestly. Honestly. I don't know if you want to go over this now, but it's just something that comes over me. I don't feel good about it. I know I've done what I didn't want to do. I don't know -- Well, I'm really pleased to hear a confession. +Well, I'm really pleased to hear a confession. Elena, you're just getting wound up to get wound up. +Elena, you're just getting wound up to get wound up. Thanks for the diagnosis, Ben. Thank you. So let's just go to this fiasco if that's what you want to do. Let's just go on in. I'd rather talk to anyone else but you. +Ready to go? We're not going anywhere. +Elena. Ben, I've got a ride home. Maybe you should sleep this one off on the couch here? +Ben, I've got a ride home. Maybe you should sleep this one off on the couch here? I'll drive you -- +I'll drive you -- Ben. +You'll get some sleep on the couch out there? Sure. I'll try. And we'll talk in the morning? +Sure. I'll try. And we'll talk in the morning? We'll talk in the morning. +Do you think? Maybe we should call someone -- The phone's out. +The phone's out. Yeah. Well, we can just -- +Yeah. Well, we can just -- Ben, I don't think he wants us here. +Oh you know, for a minute I thought it was -- Paul? Yeah. You think -- +Hi dad. Hey guy. Things ok up there? You all right? +Hey guy. Things ok up there? You all right? I'm fine dad. +I'm fine dad. Well good. Just confirming. You'll be on the 3:50 Wednesday afternoon. +Well good. Just confirming. You'll be on the 3:50 Wednesday afternoon. Well dad, actually I thought I'd take the morning train on Thanksgiving -- got a lot of studying, papers, you know, lab experiments -- +Well dad, actually I thought I'd take the morning train on Thanksgiving -- got a lot of studying, papers, you know, lab experiments -- Lab experiments? Right smart guy -- Paul, you know your mother's gonna be disappointed not to see more of you -- In fact, let me make this more than a simple request guy, I think you should... +So how's school treating you? All right. +All right. Classes? +Classes? Good. +Good. Grades? +Grades? Fine. +Fine. Anyone special? You know... +Anyone special? You know... Hnnn. +Hnnn. Well it's good to see you -- we miss you around the house and all, but this St. Peter's, it's top of the line, eh? +Well it's good to see you -- we miss you around the house and all, but this St. Peter's, it's top of the line, eh? Yeah. +Yeah. You know Paul, I've been thinking, maybe this is as good a time as any to have a little talk, you know, about -- well -- +About? Well, the whole gamut. Facts of life and all. Some fatherly advice, because, I tell you, there's things happening that you're probably old enough... well... For example, on the self-abuse front -- now this is important - it's not advisable to do it in the shower -- it wastes water and electricity and because we all expect you to be doing it there in any case -- and, um, not onto the linen, and not on your sister's underwear or any clothing belonging to your mother -- +Holy! Well. If you're worried about anything, just feel free to ask, and, uh, we can look it up. Uh, dad, you know I'm 16. +Uh, dad, you know I'm 16. All the more reason for this little heart to heart... great. +Um, Paul. On second thought, can you do me a favor and pretend I never said any of that. Sure dad. +Sure dad. Thanks. +See you. Stay out of trouble. +Ah let the guy have his fun. What's the name of this girl with the Park Avenue address? Libbets. Libbets Casey. +Libbets. Libbets Casey. Libbets? What kind of name is Libbets? +It's like farming. I am basically chewing up large tracts of expensively landscaped scenery with overpriced sticks, and George Clair has obviously, in the mere two years since he joined the firm, he has obviously been taking secret lessons with a golf pro, and I assume the entirety of his disposable income has been devoted to humiliating me on the golf course. And the guy talks - incessantly -- throughout the entirety of the miserable 18 holes - on topics that are the supposed domain of my department -- Ben-- +Ben-- Yeah? +Yeah? You're boring me. I have a husband. I don't particularly feel the need for another. +You're boring me. I have a husband. I don't particularly feel the need for another. You have a point there. That's a very good point. We're having an affair. Right. An explicitly sexual relationship. Your needs. My needs. You're absolutely right. +You have a point there. That's a very good point. We're having an affair. Right. An explicitly sexual relationship. Your needs. My needs. You're absolutely right. You should probably get dressed. The boys will be home soon. +You should probably get dressed. The boys will be home soon. Gotcha. +Here. After the Thanksgiving I had, I need it. You having one? +After the Thanksgiving I had, I need it. You having one? In a bit. +Maybe it's all for the better, you know? Yesterday, at dinner, well, she hasn't said anything... has she acted funny to you, I mean, have you noticed anything? Have I noticed anything? I'm not married to her Benjamin, you are. I think you've probably a better vantage point from which to observe her. +Have I noticed anything? I'm not married to her Benjamin, you are. I think you've probably a better vantage point from which to observe her. Yeah, but, I -- I've been working a lot lately, and -- No, that's not it. I guess we've just been on the verge of saying something, whatever it is, just saying something to each other. On the verge. +Huh? Birth control. +Birth control. Right. Gotcha. +Oh jeez, Benjie. Well, here you are. Damn right, but where the hell were you? +Damn right, but where the hell were you? What are you talking about? +What are you talking about? Don't bullshit me around, Janey. Jesus Christ, I waited around for more than half an hour, in nothing but my boxer shorts, and -- and what's all that about? What the hell happened? +A prior engagement overcame me. What? +What? Listen, Benjamin Hood. I have obligations that precede your... from before you showed up. One or two, you know, good-natured encounters, that doesn't mean I'm... I'm not just some toy for you. When I remembered some chores I wanted to get done before the party, I just did them, that's all, because I wanted to do them before I saw Jimmy. +Listen, Benjamin Hood. I have obligations that precede your... from before you showed up. One or two, you know, good-natured encounters, that doesn't mean I'm... I'm not just some toy for you. When I remembered some chores I wanted to get done before the party, I just did them, that's all, because I wanted to do them before I saw Jimmy. Jimmy? Jimmy? I don't know how to take this. And what do you mean, Jimmy? I thought you said you and your husband -- +Jimmy? Jimmy? I don't know how to take this. And what do you mean, Jimmy? I thought you said you and your husband -- How you take it isn't all that interesting to me, Benjamin. I'm sorry -- +How you take it isn't all that interesting to me, Benjamin. I'm sorry -- I just can't believe you could be so -- +Dad stop it! Get to sleep young lady -- and I mean it. +Fascist! If I were a fascist I would have sent you to one of those Southern military academies a long time ago. Now get to bed. +Good-night dad. Good night kiddo. +I'm picking up Paul at the station - want to come? Nah. +Nah. What you been up to? +What you been up to? Nothing. +... while children in Africa and Asia are napalmed and -- Jesus all right enough! +What the hell are you kids doing down here? What do you think we're doing, dad? +What do you think we're doing, dad? What do I think? I think you're probably touching each other. I think you're touching that reckless jerk-off, for god's sake, and I think he's trying to get into your slacks. I think, at fourteen years of age, that you're getting ready to give up your girlhood -- +Talking to me, dad? Who else would I be talking to? And take that thing off! +Who else would I be talking to? And take that thing off! Well, then forget all this stern dad stuff. +Well, then forget all this stern dad stuff. I'm not interested in your smart ass remarks now, lady. Let's go. Right now. You and I can discuss it on the walk home. +Look, kiddo, don't worry about it. I really don't care that much. I'm just not sure he's good enough, that's all. Huh? +Huh? I mean, he's not serious, he'll end up living off Janey and Jim, you watch. It's just that you develop a sense when you get older, if things are going to work out or if they won't, and sometimes it's not worth the mess... +Your toes cold? Yeah. +He's probably been waiting all night at the station. C'mon. +We don't have to always go to your club, dad. And why are you still calling me dad? You're forty years old already, and -- +And why are you still calling me dad? You're forty years old already, and -- -- Well what am I supposed to call you? +-- Well what am I supposed to call you? That's besides the point. +I was actually trying to see about getting a little advice, you know -- Advice? I'm supposed to be getting the stock tips from you, Ben. Unless - have you quit your job? They fired you? +Advice? I'm supposed to be getting the stock tips from you, Ben. Unless - have you quit your job? They fired you? You know, dah-- +Actually it's not about work, it's advice about -- Oh for crying out loud Ben, you don't mean to tell me that your marriage is going down the drain now -- +Oh for crying out loud Ben, you don't mean to tell me that your marriage is going down the drain now -- Well, Elena and I have kind of been talking, not really talking, but -- +Well, Elena and I have kind of been talking, not really talking, but -- -- Your mother, God bless her, stood by me for forty-two years -- we never once contemplated divorce - I assume you're talking here about divorce? The very thought -- +-- Your mother, God bless her, stood by me for forty-two years -- we never once contemplated divorce - I assume you're talking here about divorce? The very thought -- But dad, you guys truly hated each other, I mean really hated each -- +But dad, you guys truly hated each other, I mean really hated each -- -- Waiter! Where's my cobb salad? You want advice Ben? If your big brother were still alive I'd have him go out into the back yard and beat some sense into your head. Look kid, you married that woman against my advice -- +-- Waiter! Where's my cobb salad? You want advice Ben? If your big brother were still alive I'd have him go out into the back yard and beat some sense into your head. Look kid, you married that woman against my advice -- -- What advice? You never -- +-- What advice? You never -- That's besides the point. The point is if I'd had any sense in me I'd have divorced your mother 40 years ago, and that's the truth, and here it is, 1972 -- +That's besides the point. The point is if I'd had any sense in me I'd have divorced your mother 40 years ago, and that's the truth, and here it is, 1972 -- -- 73 +-- 73 -- 73, and divorce is as easy as paying off a traffic ticket, and for crying out loud, Ben, be a man and just get it over with. I would have if I'd had the chance. +But... But what? +But what? But I -- well maybe I love her. Elena. +It's not the taxes I object to. It's all the fines and penalties. Alright dad. But you sold the house, you didn't tell anyone, including the IRS, and I'd of certainly liked to have seen if there was any old stuff -- +Alright dad. But you sold the house, you didn't tell anyone, including the IRS, and I'd of certainly liked to have seen if there was any old stuff -- It was all junk! +Oh. Elena wanted to know when we could expect you on Thanksgiving. It's just going to be you this year. Ben, I'm going to Florida. I hate Thanksgiving and I hate the cold. I have a new nurse. She's a negro, she weighs three hundred pounds, and I've decided to leave my entire estate to her. +What? Jesus, Benjamin, you're still as gullible as ever. +Jesus, Benjamin, you're still as gullible as ever. That was a joke? You don't tell jokes. +That was a joke? You don't tell jokes. I thought I'd start trying. If you don't mind. But I am going to Florida and I do have a new nurse. +Welcome to the Monkey House has been a seminal influence on me -- hey Benjamin -- give it a try? This stuff will make some sense out of those larger questions. Thanks for the advice Dave. +Good shit. Sure is good shit. It's opiated. I had it in my chamber for a while. I was smoking this other -- +Sure is good shit. It's opiated. I had it in my chamber for a while. I was smoking this other -- It's what? +It's what? Don't fret, Benjie, it's -- +Don't fret, Benjie, it's -- Darn it, Dave. +And to think -- they met at a key party of all things. A key party? +A key party? You know, it's a California thing. That scuzzy husband of hers dragged her kicking and screaming to one when they were out in L.A. you know, the men put their car keys in a bowl, and then at the end of the evening the women line up and fish them out and go home with whoever's keys they've got. Anyhow that's how she met this Rod person or whatever his name is and he's left his wife and she's packing for California. Irwin is devastated. It's so ironic. +Thank you Janey. It was lovely! +Hello you two. Am I barging in on some kind of religious study group? Elena, you look marvelous. Will I see you and Ben at the Halford's? I suppose we'll make an appearance. +I suppose we'll make an appearance. And Reverend Edwards? Did you make the list? +Well, I have to say I don't have much faith that my car keys are still in that bowl. Doesn't seem entirely safe, leaving your car keys around? Let me. +Thanks, but -- oh, I don't think so. It's been kind of a discouraging evening. You couldn't have hoped for much better when you came up the walk. +You couldn't have hoped for much better when you came up the walk. Somehow it was different in my imagination when I thought about it. Actually, I didn't think about it at all, really. +You want coffee or something? Well, maybe they have one of those filter jobs in the kitchen -- +Well, maybe they have one of those filter jobs in the kitchen -- Look, Elena, the fact that we're neighbors... you know, close friends, well it sort of makes this a little strange, don't you think? +Look, Elena, the fact that we're neighbors... you know, close friends, well it sort of makes this a little strange, don't you think? My husband is probably passed out in the bathroom, or at least he wishes he were. I've been married to him for 17 years and I don't have any intention of going in there to get him... so what I'm proposing is that since your wife has gone off with a boy, and since you are standing here alone, I'm proposing that you and I do what makes sense. Stay warm. Pass some time. That's all. +Now don't make me feel as if I'm being too forward, OK? If you don't -- What the hey. Let's go for a drive. +What the hey. Let's go for a drive. Okay. Shall we clean up around here first? Do you think it's all right-- +Okay. Shall we clean up around here first? Do you think it's all right-- Nah, that wasn't in the contract. +Things are really rotten at home. You wouldn't believe how rotten. Janey's sick. She's unstable, I guess... it's not the right time to tell you... but that's it -- it's like I can't make her happy, the boys can't make her happy, she just doesn't -- Jim, maybe we should just go. I've got to look in on the kids. Paul is supposed to be coming back in from the city. +Jim, maybe we should just go. I've got to look in on the kids. Paul is supposed to be coming back in from the city. Jesus, let me make it up to you -- I can do better than that, honestly -- +Jesus, let me make it up to you -- I can do better than that, honestly -- Well, we can talk about it. +Well, we can talk about it. That's fine. I wouldn't expect you to see it any other way. +That's fine. I wouldn't expect you to see it any other way. Maybe you just need -- look, can you wait here a sec, I need to tidy up -- just a minute, I'll be right back. You'll wait? +Maybe you just need -- look, can you wait here a sec, I need to tidy up -- just a minute, I'll be right back. You'll wait? Of course. +You okay? Yeah. You? +Yeah. You? Yes. Well, I guess we can walk from here. +You want to come in, get a cup of coffee -- warm up? I can either walk you home, or you could crash in the guest room. Sure. Maybe coffee. +Sure. Maybe coffee. Phone's out. I hope the pipe's -- +Hi mom. Hi Wendy. +I saw you on your bike today. With Mikey? +With Mikey? Who? +Who? Nobody. +Nobody. Mikey Williams? +Mikey Williams? We were just riding around. +Weightless almost -- as if I were seeing my own memories of being a girl. There was something internal about it. Mom. Are you ok? +Mom. Are you ok? Wendy, of course. I'm sorry. You must think I'm ripe to be checked into Silver Meadows. +Wendy, of course. I'm sorry. You must think I'm ripe to be checked into Silver Meadows. You're not a psycho! +You're not a psycho! The people at Silver Meadows aren't psychos. +The people at Silver Meadows aren't psychos. I know. They're rich drug addicts and celebrities. When I saw James Taylor there, and -- +I know. They're rich drug addicts and celebrities. When I saw James Taylor there, and -- We've been through this Wendy James Taylor was actually at that clinic up near Boston. +We've been through this Wendy James Taylor was actually at that clinic up near Boston. Well, I saw what I saw, and if you don't want to believe me -- +Well, I saw what I saw, and if you don't want to believe me -- Oh Wendy. +They need the money for my band uniform at school. I thought you quit the band - I never hear you practice anymore. +I thought you quit the band - I never hear you practice anymore. I don't really need to practice. I just play a few notes, you know, so I thought maybe I'd stay in. +I don't really need to practice. I just play a few notes, you know, so I thought maybe I'd stay in. Well, I'm sure your father and I would love to hear what you're playing these days. Maybe after dinner. +We're going to the Halford's. The number's on the calendar in the kitchen. We should be home around 11. Is it a big party? A big neighborhood party? +Is it a big party? A big neighborhood party? I suppose. Why? +I suppose. Why? Just curious. If there's a problem, I guess I'll just call you there to interrupt. +Just curious. If there's a problem, I guess I'll just call you there to interrupt. What sort of problems are you planning exactly? +Oh I thought I'd steal the station wagon, drive up to a commune. Or set the house on fire. You know. Just bundle up. It's supposed to freeze tonight. We'll see you in the morning. +I don't like coffee. It'll warm you up. +Please don't. It's not a bother. +It's not a bother. I insist. Don't touch them. +Oh. It's really quite all right. +It's really quite all right. Of course. +Thanks again. For the dinner. Thanks for eating it. I don't know why I even pretend I can cook. +Thanks for eating it. I don't know why I even pretend I can cook. I used to know how to cook. +I used to know how to cook. It's not like we're too busy. +I'm thinking of going back to school. Social work? +Social work? How'd you know? +How'd you know? Educated guess. +Educated guess. I'm that predictable? No, you don't have to answer that. It's just that with the kids almost grown -- +I'm that predictable? No, you don't have to answer that. It's just that with the kids almost grown -- You don't have to apologize. I'm too much of a cynic. You actually seem to be trying to figure things out -- don't mind me. +Here you are. Thanks for the lift. If the bike's any bother-- +Thanks for the lift. If the bike's any bother-- None at all. I'll leave it in front of your garage. Happy Thanksgiving. +Elena. Elena Hood, am I right? Yes. +Yes. Reverend Edwards. Philip Edwards. You came by and checked out the congregation a couple of times last year. +Reverend Edwards. Philip Edwards. You came by and checked out the congregation a couple of times last year. Yes, it was -- I ended up -- +Yes, it was -- I ended up -- No need to make excuses -- +It's been a tremendously transformative year -- maybe a little controversial of course, but we're breaking down the old Unitarian barriers -- I suppose my reluctance was the group aspect of it -- I've never been much of a joiner, although I still consider myself a somewhat religious person -- +I suppose my reluctance was the group aspect of it -- I've never been much of a joiner, although I still consider myself a somewhat religious person -- Well I of course flatter myself that our church is not exactly what most people would call organized religion -- at times it's the disorganization that's liberating -- and of course I've begun to minister much more in what one might call therapeutic environments, in small groups, and one on one, couples -- +My daughter. I haven't been on a bike for years. When was the last time you rode a bike? They say you never forget. +They say you never forget. Forget what? +Forget what? Forget how to ride a bike. +In many ways, the church-bound tradition of the father, son, and holy ghost is simply a version of the parent-child-adult triad within us all. It's a primitive set of symbols for our inner psychology. You're saying that Christ is the child, and -- +You're saying that Christ is the child, and -- -- And God the angry parent, and the Spirit the hope of an integrated adult self. +-- And God the angry parent, and the Spirit the hope of an integrated adult self. All well and good -- But tell me again what is it exactly that you believe in? +All well and good -- But tell me again what is it exactly that you believe in? You ask what the point is? +You ask what the point is? That's right. +That's right. Self-realization. Ministering to help people reach their fullest potential. Would you believe me if I told you I want you to see yourself reach your fullest potential and self-realization? +Self-realization. Ministering to help people reach their fullest potential. Would you believe me if I told you I want you to see yourself reach your fullest potential and self-realization? I would say it sounds like you're trying to get me into bed. +I would say it sounds like you're trying to get me into bed. If that's a potential you see yourself fulfilling... I mean... My, I sound a bit -- +If that's a potential you see yourself fulfilling... I mean... My, I sound a bit -- I'm sorry. That was stupid of me. I didn't mean to be so rude. +I'm sorry. That was stupid of me. I didn't mean to be so rude. You weren't. You actually, for some reason, you have the effect on me of making me feel just a tiny bit ashamed of myself. +You weren't. You actually, for some reason, you have the effect on me of making me feel just a tiny bit ashamed of myself. But not too ashamed. +But not too ashamed. Now you are being rude. +Now you are being rude. And you're still trying to get me into bed. +And you're still trying to get me into bed. Ouch. +I'm afraid she's something of a gossip, isn't she? I'm afraid people around here provide her with quite a bit to gossip about. Take care. +I'm afraid people around here provide her with quite a bit to gossip about. Take care. That I will indeed. +Reverend Edwards. Perhaps you might find it in your heart to call me Philip? +You're here... I'm a bit surprised. Sometimes the shepherd needs the company of the sheep. +Sometimes the shepherd needs the company of the sheep. I'm going to try hard not to understand the implications of that simile. +Arise and shine, young Hood. I hope you changed the water in that bong from last night. +I hope you changed the water in that bong from last night. The water, as you call it, is a special mixture of amaretto and Ben&Ben blended for just the exact chemical interaction with the last of our precious Thai stick. +Waste not Master Hood -- that was $20 for the bag. Man, Francis, you are one drug addled elitist freak, and when the revolution comes I do not want to be lined up with you and shot, 'cause you're fucking ripe for political reeducation, you know, like in the fields. +Man, Francis, you are one drug addled elitist freak, and when the revolution comes I do not want to be lined up with you and shot, 'cause you're fucking ripe for political reeducation, you know, like in the fields. Paul, cancel your mental appointments, baby. What are you, like still stoned from last night? +Paul, cancel your mental appointments, baby. What are you, like still stoned from last night? I gotta get to English class. +No more man. I'm about to drop as it is. See ya. +See ya. Where you going? +Where you going? Paul, let me enlighten you about something. You and I exist on two opposite sides of a great existential divide, that being your pathetic virginity on the one hand and my astonishing number of sexual conquests on the other. I'm off to get laid. See you. +Paul, let me enlighten you about something. You and I exist on two opposite sides of a great existential divide, that being your pathetic virginity on the one hand and my astonishing number of sexual conquests on the other. I'm off to get laid. See you. Flame on, asshole. +Flame on, asshole. And remember, with your erogenous zones lubricated as such with the mighty herb, do not attempt terrestrial contact with members of the opposite sex -- because you drone on like a motherfucker when you're stoned. +How can you do that man? Do what? +Do what? Sleep all day. I mean, look, it's already getting dark outside, and you're just getting up. +Sleep all day. I mean, look, it's already getting dark outside, and you're just getting up. Um, Libbets Casey. +Um, Libbets Casey. What? +What? Aha! I could sense the vibe. +Aha! I could sense the vibe. What do you mean? +What do you mean? Am I right or am I right? +Am I right or am I right? Shit. You're not planning -- +Shit. You're not planning -- My man, I speak to you solely as a comrade in arms offering unconditional aid. I've been giving this one a lot of thought, and I believe that the two of you together might just reach that higher ground that -- +You oughtta read this Hood, Nixon, our leader, all ye need know about the travails of life. Check out the Checkers speech stuff. Francis. You gonna leave the seeds in there? In the binding like that? +Francis. You gonna leave the seeds in there? In the binding like that? All will be revealed, baby. +Huh? Moisture! Moisture! +And whence has yon virginal maiden absconded? Like into one of the other 20 or so bathrooms they've got in this place. +Check it out. Not for the faint of heart. Pharmaceutical! You are a god. +Pharmaceutical! You are a god. One for you and one for me. +Awesome sleet and rain. Major. +Major. Howdy there. You, young knight. Can you check on the mead? Can you sally forth and secure us some more mead? +Everything's gonna freeze, the big freeze. Yeah, Paul, are you gonna get home okay? +No candy for me? Groovy. Young master of the revels, a treat for our hostess? +Come on Paulie, share the wealth. You copped 'em from her mom's stash anyway. Let's see! +Jesus, Jim! Sorry honey. Hell, we've got to trade this thing in for a normal bed. +Sorry honey. Hell, we've got to trade this thing in for a normal bed. Just be careful. +Just be careful. You notice anything with Mikey lately? The kid seemed a little out of it tonight, eh? +You notice anything with Mikey lately? The kid seemed a little out of it tonight, eh? Tonight? Jim, he's been out of it since he was born. +Tonight? Jim, he's been out of it since he was born. Hell, I guess he takes after me, huh? +Hey. I'll take this stuff. You going to tell dad? +You going to tell dad? Would it matter? And what's that? +Would it matter? And what's that? You know, it's the whip -- the one uncle Frank got me from Mexico. +You know, it's the whip -- the one uncle Frank got me from Mexico. It's not packed with explosives, is it? +It's not packed with explosives, is it? No! +No! Play with the whip. +Um, Libbets. Hey, Dostoyevsky, I'm also really a fan, and what you were saying, you know, have you ever read The Idiot? The Idiot? +The Idiot? If you liked Notes from Underground, you'll love The Idiot. +If you liked Notes from Underground, you'll love The Idiot. Great, thanks for the tip. +Great, thanks for the tip. The Idiot. +Frankie opens them with his teeth. Hey, it's a sellable skill. +Well, uh, I don't, it's really -- What is it? +Maybe you should have just a half. Thanks for the advice dad. +Yeah. You know Libbets, I really feel, you know, like a real connection to you -- +You know Libbets, I really feel, you know, like a real connection to you -- Yeah but you don't even know me really. +Yeah but you don't even know me really. Sure I do, you know, like your aura. That you give off. +Sure I do, you know, like your aura. That you give off. My what? +My what? It's like very positive, and I feel a real special feeling, because you really -- +It's like very positive, and I feel a real special feeling, because you really -- And I have a special feeling too, because I do. It's special. +And I have a special feeling too, because I do. It's special. You do? I'm glad. Because I feel for you -- +You do? I'm glad. Because I feel for you -- And I have a feeling for you too, because you're just like -- I feel for you like you're -- you're just like -- +I do. Right. Cool. So, how about we take a bath together? +Right. Cool. So, how about we take a bath together? Hah hah you're funny. A bath. Like a brother and sister. Oh man, I'm so wasted. +I'm in love with Libbets Casey. Yeah, well, you've been in love with like every other girl here, I was wondering when you'd get around to Libbets. +Yeah, well, you've been in love with like every other girl here, I was wondering when you'd get around to Libbets. It's beyond mere physical attraction. +It's beyond mere physical attraction. That's good, because I don't think Libbets is capable of the sex act. +That's good, because I don't think Libbets is capable of the sex act. Truly? Do speak. +Truly? Do speak. My diagnosis is messed in the head. A poor little rich girl -- I mean check out the jeans and fur look. And lend your ears to this brutality. Like her mom and step dad and her step-sisters are going to Switzerland to ski over Thanksgiving break -- and like they didn't invite her! +My diagnosis is messed in the head. A poor little rich girl -- I mean check out the jeans and fur look. And lend your ears to this brutality. Like her mom and step dad and her step-sisters are going to Switzerland to ski over Thanksgiving break -- and like they didn't invite her! How do you know this shit? +How do you know this shit? They did it last year too. It's like traditional or something. They've got this humongoid Park Ave apartment and she just holes up there with a wad of cash. Aren't the hugely wealthy sad? +They did it last year too. It's like traditional or something. They've got this humongoid Park Ave apartment and she just holes up there with a wad of cash. Aren't the hugely wealthy sad? You think Francis is going to beat me to the punch here? +You think Francis is going to beat me to the punch here? Since he sleeps with every girl you ever show an interest in, why don't you just keep your Libbets thing a secret from him? +Since he sleeps with every girl you ever show an interest in, why don't you just keep your Libbets thing a secret from him? Good thinking Marge. +Stupid! Is Wendy Hood your girlfriend? Who said so? +Who said so? No one. +No one. I don't have a girlfriend. +Mikey? Yeah? +Yeah? Geometry? +Geometry? Sure, anything but this English. +Why are you so good at math but not in English? I'm not good at math. Just geometry. +Where you going? Out. +Out. It's freezing. +It's freezing. Yeah. When it freezes, I guess that means the molecules are not moving. So when you breathe, there's nothing in the air, you know, to breathe in to your body. The molecules have stopped. So it's clean. +Want some gum? Sure. Twinkie? +Sure. Twinkie? I'm chewing. +Did you tell Sandy? Tell Sandy? What? +I don't ever want to see you. Then why'd you come after me? +You have to follow me? I dunno. I -- +See, no one's here. Maybe you want to go to the basement? Maybe we can just watch some TV. +Maybe we can just watch some TV. There's a TV in the basement. +Maybe we can mess around. You know, only if you want to... I don't know. +I don't know. Why did you -- with Sandy? +Why did you -- with Sandy? I don't know. +I don't know. You like him? He worships you. +Wow! Wendy! +When worlds collide. Huh? +Huh? 4:30 movie. When Worlds Collide. +You're parents at that party? Yeah. Yours? +Yeah. Yours? You get in trouble? +You get in trouble? Maybe. Can't really tell yet. +Maybe. Can't really tell yet. I'm sorry if I got you into trouble. Maybe we don't have to, you know... unless you really want to. +I'm sorry if I got you into trouble. Maybe we don't have to, you know... unless you really want to. Yeah. +Charles. Charles. Have you been keeping out of my shit? Have you refrained from entering the sacred precincts of my room? +Charles. Have you been keeping out of my shit? Have you refrained from entering the sacred precincts of my room? I have not touched your sh-- Stuff. You watching this? +I have not touched your sh-- Stuff. You watching this? Watching what? +Watching what? Nixon, doofus! It's incredible. He should be shot. +Hello, Charles. Greetings, Charles. +How are the parental units functioning these days? Dad's like doing his Up With People routine, mom hasn't been saying much. +Dad's like doing his Up With People routine, mom hasn't been saying much. I don't know. Dad seems a little weird. +I don't know. Dad seems a little weird. Yeah well wait till mom opens her mouth. +May I operate your telephonic apparatus? Why don't you use the phone downstairs? +Why don't you use the phone downstairs? Calling an individual, Charles, in New York. Confirming a social outing for Friday night. +Calling an individual, Charles, in New York. Confirming a social outing for Friday night. Can I come? +Can I come? It's a one-on-one kind of date thing. +It's a one-on-one kind of date thing. With who? +With who? Her name's Libbets. +Her name's Libbets. Libbets? What kind of a name is Libbets? +Hood residence. Charles, what time is it? +Charles, what time is it? Is this Charles? +Is this Charles? What time is it? +What time is it? Um, ten-o-five. Why? Where are you? +Um, ten-o-five. Why? Where are you? I'm, uh, in the midst of a moral dilemma. And I was wondering, because I know you're a very moral person, and -- +I'm, uh, in the midst of a moral dilemma. And I was wondering, because I know you're a very moral person, and -- And? +And? Shit. I can't really talk about it. I guess I better get to the train. +Shit. I can't really talk about it. I guess I better get to the train. Right. +Right. What are you doing at home on a Friday night? +What are you doing at home on a Friday night? I have plans. +Hey Wendy. Hey Sandy. +Hey Sandy. Mikey was looking for you. +Mikey was looking for you. Yeah? See ya. +Well, you can... Hey Sandy, what were you blowing up out there? Your mom was pretty p.o.'d. +Hey Sandy, what were you blowing up out there? Your mom was pretty p.o.'d. All my model planes. +All my model planes. The ones you built? +The ones you built? They were old. And they couldn't fly anyhow. I'm going to get a radio-controlled airplane at Christmas, and then I'll stuff it full of m-80s and then fly it into Mrs. Burgess's English class and blow it up. +They were old. And they couldn't fly anyhow. I'm going to get a radio-controlled airplane at Christmas, and then I'll stuff it full of m-80s and then fly it into Mrs. Burgess's English class and blow it up. I have to go to the bathroom. +I have to go to the bathroom. Yeah. +Sandy, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing? +What are you doing? Just thought I'd stop by. +Just thought I'd stop by. Mike's out -- I think he went to Silver Meadow to see if you were hanging around there. +Mike's out -- I think he went to Silver Meadow to see if you were hanging around there. Yeah. +Yeah. Are you his girlfriend? +Are you his girlfriend? No. +He's dead. If it wasn't raining we could take him outside and blow him up. +If it wasn't raining we could take him outside and blow him up. He wouldn't blow up. He'd just get all mangled or twisted. +Well. It looks like someone got to his private parts before us. Communist Viet Cong. +Communist Viet Cong. They left it in the jungle. +We -- we have to go to the guest room. We can't stay in here. What if Mikey? My parents? Don't worry about them. They're at that party, getting drunk and falling all over each other and making jokes about McGovern and stuff. +Want a drink? Vodka? +Vodka? You never tasted the stuff? +It feels warm. One more shot? +One more shot? Okay. +Have you ever had a nocturnal emission? Huh? +Huh? That's the name for when you wake up and find this little pool of sticky stuff, like after a sexy dream. +I love you. That's nice. Are you drunk? +That's nice. Are you drunk? I don't know. How do I know? +I don't know. How do I know? I don't know either. You spin around, when you lie down. +Yes, sir. That's all, for now. +Didn't want to miss anything. Detective Dormer's not leaving for a few hours. +Detective Dormer's not leaving for a few hours. Good. +Good. Maybe you could drive him to Spencer's. +Maybe you could drive him to Spencer's. Sure. +Just after Leland Street. What's that, then? +Nice kid. Got a love affair with police work. Drives me crazy with it. +So far. What's the D.A. got them on? +What's the D.A. got them on? Four unwarranted shootings, witness intimidation, and cocaine theft. +That's I.A.'s pit bull. Wants me to keep him posted on all your movements up here. +And then I lost him. In the fog. About how long 'til you heard the suspect's second shot? +Will, you can't blame yourself. I had him! +I had him! It's only gonna make you crazy. +I have to get back. Too bad... +My partner... Detective Eckhart! I know! Welcome to Nightmute! +You did your homework, Officer. Actually... +Guess that's what they call Alaskan hospitality. Don't worry about him... +Don't give misdemeanors a bad rap. But they're so boring. All small stuff. +But they're so boring. All small stuff. It's all about the small stuff. Small lies. Small mistakes. Small oversights. People give themselves away in a traffic violation just as much as they do in a murder case. It's human nature. +Typical seventeen year-old. She went to a party Friday night? Down at a local dive the kids like to hang out in. +I want you to check this out, Ellie. We already did. +We already did. Do it again. +Do it again. But there wasn't any... +Who's that? The bartender at Darrow's. He was there Friday night. +The bartender at Darrow's. He was there Friday night. Good. He's up next. +This murder was in the papers, right? Yeah. All over. +Yeah. All over. Call all of them from here to Anchorage. Tell them we now know that Kay Connell left the party with a dark blue knapsack, but we haven't recovered it yet. We can get it in by the morning editions. +I could say the same thing about you. Oh. We always have play-offs in the middle of the night. It's the best time. +Oh. We always have play-offs in the middle of the night. It's the best time. Who's playing? +Who's playing? The Puffins and the Hawks. We're in extra innings. The Hawks have a really good line-up this year. +She your only sibling? Twelve years younger. +Oh, I shouldn't have... It's okay. Happened a long time ago. He was killed in a fire. In New Mexico. +It's okay. Happened a long time ago. He was killed in a fire. In New Mexico. That must have been awful for you. +I'm going back to the Lodge, Ellie. Still need to go through some of Kay Connell's school records. Okay. +But here's the thing. I retraced your exact steps according to your statement. You couldn't have seen Detective Eckhart from there. I mean, not in that fog. Then change it. +Then change it. How much closer would you say you were? +How much closer would you say you were? I don't remember. +I don't remember. Five feet? Seven feet? +Duggar called him? About an hour ago. Said he was more than happy to cooperate. +Not really. Isn't that the difference between a good cop and a bad cop? A good cop can't sleep 'cause a piece of the puzzle's missing. A bad cop can't sleep 'cause his conscience won't let him. You said that once, remember? +It's legitimate. Worth pursuing? +Walter Byrd killed Kay Connell. Her things are in the house. I know. +I know. Byrd's dead. +No. But I covered it up. I lied. Why? +What about your shoulder? Don't worry. I'll have a cool scar. +Sorry about... Where is he? +Thanks. I wish I'd had the chance to get to know him better. Take him fishing or something. +I wish I'd had the chance to get to know him better. Take him fishing or something. He would have liked that. +He would have liked that. We just gotta catch the bastard, right? +We just gotta catch the bastard, right? That's why I'm here. I need to know exactly what you saw yesterday, Farrell. +That's why I'm here. I need to know exactly what you saw yesterday, Farrell. What I saw? +What I saw? Anything. It's important. +Oh, you know. Don't feel that much. Bullet went right through. Right. Got lost in the rocks. +Right. Got lost in the rocks. We'll get the other one, though. +No. No fibers, skin flakes, hairs... +No fibers, skin flakes, hairs... Like I said, no. We know about those things up here. +She left the party early. Friends said she had a fight with her boyfriend and stormed out. What time was that? +What time was that? Around twelve-thirty. +Who was the last one to see her alive? Randy Stetz. Her boyfriend. We've questioned him, searched his place. Didn't find anything. +We're sure it's hers? Has her books in it. +I'll stick it in the evidence locker... No. +What are you doing here? I told her to come. +Dormer. Still no sign of the bullet that went through Farrell. I'm going to the hospital to talk to him now. You get the search party together. No fewer than thirty people. I'll meet you in exactly twenty-five minutes. Don't waste any time. +I'll call him now. First I need a copy of the key. +Forget your pager? What? +What? I beeped you over two hours ago. +Good. And something else that might interest you. +No. One of the paperbacks we found in Kay Connell's knapsack. +That's right. Mrs. Connell found this copy in the house. It's signed. Personally. +Mrs. Connell found this copy in the house. It's signed. Personally. So? +So? This is a local writer. Kay had all his books. I think we should check it out. +Where you signed this? That's right. +That's right. What happened at that signing? +What happened at that signing? She flattered me about my writing. Asked if she could visit me. To talk about my books. +She flattered me about my writing. Asked if she could visit me. To talk about my books. Did she? +Did she? Yes. Not that much at first. But then she became more comfortable. Started visiting me every week... +She wasn't happy. I was someone to talk to. How do you mean? +How do you mean? That boyfriend. Randy. +Randy Stetz? That's right. +Are you sure about that? She'd come to me, sometimes in the middle of the night. Bruises all over her back, her upper arms. I pled with her to let me call the police, but she wouldn't hear it. Wanted to keep it a secret. +Eight years. Seven years. +They're all over everybody. "I.A.'s calling themselves the ""Corruption Task Force."" Can you believe that? Trying to root out any mistakes or ""oversights"" any other Detectives may have made over the years. They're turning it into a witch hunt. Something on the news about it practically every night." +He knew exactly what we'd be looking for. Made sure to cover up all his tracks. Even the best make mistakes. +What do you want to talk about? You know what about. +We'll talk when we get back to Seattle. When's that, a week? Two weeks?... We have to figure out a plan of action now. +When's that, a week? Two weeks?... We have to figure out a plan of action now. You know my plan of action. +You know my plan of action. To do nothing. +To do nothing. That's right. +That's right. Dammit, Will. Warfield had me locked up in his office again for five hours yesterday. Five hours. Asking all kinds of questions... +Dammit, Will. Warfield had me locked up in his office again for five hours yesterday. Five hours. Asking all kinds of questions... He's asking everybody questions. +He's asking everybody questions. But he's zeroing in on me. On us. Everyone's talking about it. +But he's zeroing in on me. On us. Everyone's talking about it. He's just rattling your cage. +He's just rattling your cage. Well, I gotta tell you. With a wife, three kids, and a pension plan in the balance, it's rattling hard. +Well, I gotta tell you. With a wife, three kids, and a pension plan in the balance, it's rattling hard. We say nothing. It goes away. Simple as that. +Weston Dobbs killed an eight year-old boy and left him hanging in the basement like a piece of meat. You remember that? You know I remember that. +You know I remember that. One word to I.A. and he walks. +One word to I.A. and he walks. Maybe not. We could talk to Buck... +Maybe not. We could talk to Buck... No way. +No way. Cut some kind of a deal. I heard that's what Flynn's doing... +Cut some kind of a deal. I heard that's what Flynn's doing... Mike Flynn's a dirty cop, Hap! We are nothing like Mike Flynn. We did what we needed to do to make sure that son-of- bitch Dobbs paid for what he did. And every bastard like him. We say one word about it and every case we ever brought in is going to blow wide open and they'll all walk. Every last one. And I am not going to let that happen. No deals. No compromises. No discussions. +Well her mother didn't buy them for her. What are we thinking? +Looks like the natives are restless. Will? +I wish I could stick it out like you. I just, with Trish and the kids... Don't do this, Hap... +I'm thinking I could get off with probation. Keep half my pension. That's all I want. Goddammit, Hap. Think about what you're doing... +Goddammit, Hap. Think about what you're doing... You don't have to be involved, Will. +You don't have to be involved, Will. You tell Buck and I'm involved whether I like it or not... +Your friend's all business. I'm always all business. +I got it. Don't know why I bother. It's been broken for two years. Habit. +Fred Duggar? No. He didn't say what his name was. Only that you were expecting him. +No. He didn't say what his name was. Only that you were expecting him. I'm not expecting anyone. +I'm not expecting anyone. That's not what he thinks. +That's not what he thinks. What did he look like? +Will...I... What is it? +What is it? There's a guy down the hall. Complaining about the noise. Says he can't sleep. +One of your cases? Me and Hap. A year and a half ago. I knew the second I met Dobbs that he was guilty. Smug, cold. Dead eyes. We had circumstantial evidence, but nothing to tie him to it. Nothing concrete. Went over every inch of that apartment. +Will. There've been other cases. Where we've changed results. Pushed witnesses. Manipulated evidence. But Dobbs. I wanted Dobbs more than anything. +What if someone finds out? We're under investigation now. Back in Seattle. Hap wanted to talk. As soon as we got back. Thought he could work out some kind of deal. +Did you love her? Huh? +Huh? Kay Connell. Did you love her? +"""She was nice."" Wow. That makes me all soft inside. Ever occur to you she didn't love you back?" Huh? +Huh? You heard me that time. +You heard me that time. She loved me. She wanted to see me every night. +She loved me. She wanted to see me every night. But she was seeing someone else on the side. +I don't know what you're fucking talking about. Friday night, at the party - what'd you fight about? +Friday night, at the party - what'd you fight about? Stuff. +Stuff. What kind of stuff? +What kind of stuff? Just stuff. I don't fucking remember. +Just stuff. I don't fucking remember. The other guy? +The other guy? I told you I don't remember. +I told you I don't remember. After that she left the party to go to him. +After that she left the party to go to him. How should I know?... +How should I know?... Ran like hell to go to him... +Ran like hell to go to him... Fuck you, man! - I'm sick of all your fucking cop questions... +I don't know. You don't know. +You don't know. She didn't tell me. +Thought I smelled something. Good to see you, too, Randy. +I never met anyone from Seattle before. You're not missing much. +You're not missing much. What are you doing in this shit-hole town? +I was her best friend. Best friend? +Best friend? Since grade school. +Since grade school. That's a long time. +That's a long time. We were like sisters. Knew everything about each other. +We were like sisters. Knew everything about each other. Must be tough for you. What happened. +You want me to take you somewhere? Long as it's fun. +Hey... Thought you wanted something fun... +You and Kay were like sisters? That's what I said. +That's what I said. Told each other everything. That why your picture's torn up in the top drawer of her bureau? +No... Who was Kay seeing besides Randy Stetz? +I don't know. You don't know. +You don't know. She wouldn't tell me! +She wouldn't tell me! But you were such good friends... +It was like some big fucking secret! What was? +What was? She kept saying she was gonna get out of here. Leave us all behind. That he was going to take her! +She kept saying she was gonna get out of here. Leave us all behind. That he was going to take her! Who? +Who? My arm! +My arm! Who? +Who? She used some stupid code name. +She used some stupid code name. What was it? +What was it? Brody...I don't know... ...Something Brody! +No game. The phone call. The knapsack. +I'm sorry? I said you're going to get a phone call. +I said you're going to get a phone call. Oh? +Oh? Kay Connell had a signed copy of one of your books. +Kay Connell had a signed copy of one of your books. Thought you might find that. +Thought you might find that. You're going to be brought in for questioning. +Down at the station? Yes down at the station. +She was only seventeen. But she was an attractive girl. +But she was an attractive girl. I suppose. +I suppose. Did you have sex with her? +No. But you wanted to. +But you wanted to. I was a mentor to her. +You gave her gifts. Yes. +Yes. Expensive dresses. A heart necklace. +Expensive dresses. A heart necklace. Yes. +Yes. Doesn't sound like a mentor to me. +Doesn't sound like a mentor to me. I gave her things she didn't have. Couldn't have. +What about him? He. Well, he... +Randy Stetz is in jail. Told you I could write an ending. +Told you I could write an ending. Congratulations. +I thought maybe we could talk some more. There's nothing more to talk about. +There's nothing more to talk about. But we work so well together... +What the hell do you know? Kay told me. She comes to me, you know. Tells me things. About you. About me. +I told you that was an accident! Then so was mine... +Then so was mine... Don't you pull that shit with me. +Don't you pull that shit with me. I didn't want to kill her, Will. +Couldn't get it up, Walter? It was when I went to kiss her. She started laughing. I got angry. After all I'd given her. All I'd shared with her. I just wanted to make her stop. That's all. +Yes. Like that. This an accident, Walter? +This an accident, Walter? If you want it to be... +Where's your back-up? No back-up. +No back-up. You're not following procedure. +You're not following procedure. Procedure went out the window a long time ago. +Wild card. Drop the gun, Walter. +Monstrous. Yes, and very beautiful. +Yes, and very beautiful. Your lips, they didn't move. +Your lips, they didn't move. They did, but too fast for you to see them. No magic, just grace and speed. +Disappointing, isn't it? To come so far and find so little. Jaded ingenues, amusing themselves with make- believe... We had feared we were the only ones... +We had feared we were the only ones... But how did you come into existence? +You don't want to answer... Two vampires from the new world, come to guide us into the new era as all we love slowly rots and fades away. Are you the leader of tis group? +Are you the leader of tis group? If there were a leader, I would be the one. +So you have the answers... Ah! You have questions? +Ah! You have questions? What are we? +What are we? Nothing if not vampires... +Nothing if not vampires... Who made us what we are? +Who made us what we are? Surely you know the one who made you... +Surely you know the one who made you... But the one who made him, who made the one who made him, the source of all this evil... +That is a picture, nothing more. You mean we are not children of Satan? +You mean we are not children of Satan? No. +I understand. I saw you in the theatre, your suffering, your sympathy for that girl. I saw you with the boy. You die when you kill, you feel you deserve to die and you stint on nothing. But does that make you evil? Or, since you comprehend what you call goodness, does it not make you good? Then there is nothing. +Then there is nothing. Perhaps... +And perhaps this is the only real evil left... Then God does not exist... +Then God does not exist... I have not spoken to him... +I have not spoken to him... And no vampire here has discourse with God or the Devil? +And no vampire here has discourse with God or the Devil? None that I've ever known. I know nothing of God or the Devil, I have never seen a vision nor learnt a secret that would damn or save my soul. And as far as I know, after four hundred years I am the oldest living vampire in the world. +My God... So it's as I always feared. Nothing, leading to nothing. You fell too much. So much you make me feel... +The one who made you should have told you this. The one who left the old world for the new... He knew nothing. He just didn't care. +He knew nothing. He just didn't care. Knew? You mean he is... +I was waiting for you... Listen to me. +Claudia is dear to me. My... daughter. Your lover. +Your lover. No, my beloved, my child. +No, my beloved, my child. If you say so. You are innocent. +If you say so. You are innocent. I'm not innocent. But I'm afraid. She feels she's in danger from the others. +I'm not innocent. But I'm afraid. She feels she's in danger from the others. She is. +She is. But why? +But why? I could give you reasons. Her silence. Her youth. It's forbidden to make so young, so helpless, that cannot survive on its own. +I could give you reasons. Her silence. Her youth. It's forbidden to make so young, so helpless, that cannot survive on its own. Then blame the one who made her... +Then blame the one who made her... Did you kill this vampire who made you both? Is that why you won't say his name? Santiago thinks you did. +Did you kill this vampire who made you both? Is that why you won't say his name? Santiago thinks you did. We want no quarrel with him. +We want no quarrel with him. It's already begun. If you want to save her, send her away. +It's already begun. If you want to save her, send her away. Then I leave too. +So soon? Without any of those answers you so longed for? You said there were none. +You said there were none. But you asked the wrong questions. Do you know how few vampires have the stamina for immortality? How quickly they perish of their own will. +But you asked the wrong questions. Do you know how few vampires have the stamina for immortality? How quickly they perish of their own will. We can do that? +We can do that? You would never give up life. If the world were reduced to one empty cell, on fragile candle, you stay alive and study it. You see too clearly. You see too much. +You would never give up life. If the world were reduced to one empty cell, on fragile candle, you stay alive and study it. You see too clearly. You see too much. That's what the one who made me said. +That's what the one who made me said. How he must have loved you. +And the vampires of the Theatre? Like moths around the candle of the age. Decadent, useless. They can't reflect anything. But you do. You reflect its broken heart. +Are these not the answers you came for? Yes... My God... +Yes... My God... A vampire with a human soul. An immortal with a mortal's passion. You are beautiful, my friend. Lestat must have wept when he made you -- +A vampire with a human soul. An immortal with a mortal's passion. You are beautiful, my friend. Lestat must have wept when he made you -- Lestat! You knew Lestat! +Lestat! You knew Lestat! Yes I knew him. Knew him well enough not to mourn his passing. +Where is she? Where's Claudia? Follow me - that way - through my cell - +Not without Claudia. Where is she? I can't save her. +I can't save her. You can't believe I'd leave without her. Armand! You must save her! You have no choice. +You can't believe I'd leave without her. Armand! You must save her! You have no choice. Louis, I can't save her. I will only risk losing you - +I couldn't prevent it. I don't believe you. I do not have to read your soul to know that you lie. +I don't believe you. I do not have to read your soul to know that you lie. Louis, they cannot be brought back. There are some things that are impossible, even for me. +Louis, they cannot be brought back. There are some things that are impossible, even for me. You let them do it. +You held sway over them. They feared you. You wanted it to happen. Louis, I swear I did not. +Louis, I swear I did not. I understand you only too well. You let them do it, as I let Lestat turn a child into a demon. As I let her rip Lestat's heart to pieces! Well I am no longer that passive fool that has spun evil from evil till the web traps the one who made it. Your melancholy spirit of this century! I know what I must do. And i warn you - you saved me tonight, so I return the favour - do not go near your cell in the Theatre Des Vampires again. +You didn't even warm them, did you? No. +No. And yet you knew what I would o. +And yet you knew what I would o. I knew. I rescued you, didn't I? From the terrible dawn. +I knew. I rescued you, didn't I? From the terrible dawn. You were their leader. They trusted you. +You were their leader. They trusted you. You made me see their failings, Louis. You made me look at them with your eyes. +Your melancholy eyes... What a pair we are. We deserve each other, don't we? +What a pair we are. We deserve each other, don't we? We are a pair, and that's what counts. +More. Yes, cherie, of course you want more. And I'll show you how to get it. You drink from morals, my beauty, but from me? Never again. +I want some more. It's bet in the beginning, lest the death takes you down with it. yes, that's it. My child. My beloved child. +I'm not your daughter. Yes you are, my dearest. You are mine and Louis' daughter. You see Louis was going to leave us. He was going to go away. But now he's not. He's going to stay and make you happy. +Why always on this night? What night? What do you mean? +What night? What do you mean? You always give me the doll on the same night of the year. +You always give me the doll on the same night of the year. I didn't realise. +I didn't realise. Is this my birthday? +Some of these are so old and tattered. You should throw them away. I have. Or there would be twice as many. +I have. Or there would be twice as many. But you're the fairest by far. +But you're the fairest by far. You dress me like a doll. You make my hair like a doll. Why? +Which of you did it? Which of you made me the way I am? What you are? You would be something other than you are? +What you are? You would be something other than you are? And if I cut my hair again? +And if I cut my hair again? It will grow back again! +It will grow back again! But it wasn't always so! I had a mother once! And Louis - he had a wife! He was mortal the same as she! And so was I! +You made us what we are, didn't you? Stop her Louis! +Stop her Louis! DID YOU DO IT TO ME???? +Why yours alone? Tell me how it was done!!!! Be glad I made you what you are! You'd be dead not if I hadn't. +What is it now? You irritate me! Your very presence irritates me! Does it? +Does it? Yes. And I'll tell you something else! I've met someone who will make a better vampire than both of you. +Yes. And I'll tell you something else! I've met someone who will make a better vampire than both of you. Is that supposed to frighten me? +Is that supposed to frighten me? You're spoilt because you're an only child. You need a brother. Or I do. I'm weary of you both. +You're spoilt because you're an only child. You need a brother. Or I do. I'm weary of you both. I suppose we could people the world with vampires, the three of us. +I suppose we could people the world with vampires, the three of us. Not you my dear. +Not you my dear. You're a liar. But you upset my plans. +You're a liar. But you upset my plans. What plans? +What plans? I came to make peace with you, even if you're the father of lies. I want things to be as they were. +Stop pestering me then! Oh, Lestat. I must do more than that. I've brought a present for you. +Oh, Lestat. I must do more than that. I've brought a present for you. Then I hope its a beautiful woman with endowments you will never possess. +Oh, Claudia, you've outdone yourself. Where did you find them? Drunk on brandy wine. A thimblefull. I thought of you when I saw them. +Drunk on brandy wine. A thimblefull. I thought of you when I saw them. We forgive each other then? +Absinthe? You gave then absinthe? No. Laudanum. +Laudanum! Yes. It killed them, unfortunately. But it keeps the blood warm. +Don't Louis -- Louis, put me in my coffin... +Louis, put me in my coffin... I'll put you in your coffin. Forever. +I want more. What have you done? +How did you learn to write, Claudia? The way I learn everything. By watching you. +But you never let me see you kill, Louis. Lestat taught you all you need to know about that. +Lestat taught you all you need to know about that. Infant death, he calls me. Sweet daughter death. You know what he calls you? Merciful death. +Infant death, he calls me. Sweet daughter death. You know what he calls you? Merciful death. He jests. +He jests. Why does he call you that? +Why does he call you that? Hush, Claudia don't talk about such things. Show me your book. +Claudia! You did that? Sit still. It's not finished - +You want me to be a doll forever? Claudia - don't - +Claudia - don't - Why not? +We're immortal. You've always known that. Tell me why...you've got to tell me... +You see the old woman? That will never happen to you. You'll never grow old. You will never die. And it means something else too, doesn't it? I shall never, ever grow up. +You... fed on me? And he found me with you. I ran, sickened at what I'd done. Then he cut his wrist and fed you from him. I tried to stop him, but you were a vampire then. And have been every night hereafter. +And he found me with you. I ran, sickened at what I'd done. Then he cut his wrist and fed you from him. I tried to stop him, but you were a vampire then. And have been every night hereafter. You both did it? +You both did it? I took your life. He gave you another one. +But now's the time to end it, Louis. Now's the time to leave him. He'll never let us go. +Lestat. Oh, God forgive us. Don't mock me, Louis. Help me. +He's dead, Claudia, dead. The one good lesson he taught me, Louis. Never drink from the dead. +Should we burn him? Bury him? What would he have liked, Louis? Don't mock, Claudia... +Don't mock, Claudia... The swamp... +In Europe, Louis. We shall meet our own kind. Find the one who made him. Learn what it means. And suppose the one who made him knows nothing and the vampire who made him knows nothing, and it goes back, nothing proceeding from nothing, until there is nothing! And we must live with the knowledge that there is no knowledge. +He belongs with those reptiles, Louis. He deserved to die. Then maybe so do we. Every night of our lives. He was my brother. My maker. He gave me this life, whatever it is. +Then maybe so do we. Every night of our lives. He was my brother. My maker. He gave me this life, whatever it is. I did it for us, Louis. So we could be free. +Louis, look at me. I can't. Go away from me. +You never talked to me like that - in all these years. And you never cried - +And you never cried - I can't bear it when you do - I would die rather than lose you Louis. I would die the way he died. +Hush, Claudia, hush now my dear - Tell me you don't hate me Louis. I did it for you - +What was that? The workmen must have a trunk - don't stop, cherie - +It can't be - It is! Take the back stairwell - +The ship is sailing wihout us! Not yet. +How do I look? Still my beautiful child. +A beautiful child! Is that what you still think I am? Yes... +You want me to be your daughter forever, don't you? Yes. +Yes. Well tell me, papa. What was it like making love? +You don't remember? Or you never knew. It was something hurries...and seldom savoured... something acute that was quickly lost. It was the pale shadow of killing. +It was something hurries...and seldom savoured... something acute that was quickly lost. It was the pale shadow of killing. But how will I ever know, Louis? +Or her, or her - or any of them? Claudia, you torture yourself. +Claudia, you torture yourself. They are ducklings, that will grow into swans. Whereas I must be the duckling forever. +They are ducklings, that will grow into swans. Whereas I must be the duckling forever. You are more beautiful than any of them. +Are they my kind Louis? Dolls never change either. You are neither, Claudia. Now stop this -- +You know her? Yes. Should I take her, Louis? Among her dolls? make a doll of her in turn? +Yes. Should I take her, Louis? Among her dolls? make a doll of her in turn? Come, Claudia... +But this can't be real. This is nonsense. Nonsense all right. But something tell me it's going to be the strangest nonsense we've ever seen. +Mortals, mortals everywhere. And lots of drops to drink. They are here. I know they are. Listen for something that doesn't make a sound. +They use no paint. And the audience think it is paint. How devilishly clever. +She's no vampire. No. She's frightened. She doesn't know where she is. +This is no performance. And no one knows but us... +This is monstrous! Yes, and very beautiful. +I've seen enough of this! I loathe it! Be still! +I lothe them! I can't stand the sight of them! Stupid bourgeois Parisians, all dressed in black like some private club! I've searched for them the world over and I despise them! What danger? +What danger? I can feel it from them! They want to know who made us, what became of him. They have their rules, their idiotic rules! +Do you think I would let them harm you? No, you would not, Louis. Danger hold you to me. +No, you would not, Louis. Danger hold you to me. Love holds you to me. And we are in danger, not you. +Love holds you to me. And we are in danger, not you. Love? +You would leave me for Armand if he beckoned you. Never. +Never. He wants you as you want him. He's been waiting for you. He wants you for a companion. He bides his time that place. he finds them as dull and lifeless as we do. +He wants you as you want him. He's been waiting for you. He wants you for a companion. He bides his time that place. he finds them as dull and lifeless as we do. That's not so. +That's not so. Do you know what his soul said to me without saying a word? When he put me in that trance... +Do you know what his soul said to me without saying a word? When he put me in that trance... So you felt it too! +So you felt it too! Let him go, he said. Let him go. +He can protect us, Claudia. You really believe that? +How do we seem to you? Do you think us beautiful, magical, our white skin, our fierce eyes? Drink, you ask me! Have you any idea of the thing you will become? Your evil is that you cannot be evil! And I will suffer for it no longer! +Your evil is that you cannot be evil! And I will suffer for it no longer! Don't make me, Claudia! I cannot do it! +Don't make me, Claudia! I cannot do it! Yet you could do it to me! Snatching me from my mother's hands like two monsters in a fairy-tale! Couldn't you have waited? Six more years and I would have had that shape! And now you weep! You haven't tears enough for what you've done to me. +Oh God! I love you still, that's the torment of it. But you know I must leave you Louis... Yes... +Yes... And who will care for me my love, my dark angel, when you are gone? +She is dying. It happened to you too, but your child's mind can't remember. But if she dies... +But if she dies... It's only mortal death. +Bear me no ill will, my love. We are now even. What do you mean? +What do you mean? What died tonight inside that room was not that woman. It will take her many nights to die, perhaps yeaars. What has died in that room tonight is the last vestige in me of what was human. +They would have killed you - Then my luck would have changed. +Then my luck would have changed. You want death? Is it death you want? +You want death? Is it death you want? Yes... +Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my house? And a beautiful house it is too. Yours is a good life, isn't it? +You're not afraid of anything, are you? Why should I be? +What do you want from me? I've come to answer your prayers. You want to die, don't you? Life has no meaning anymore, does it? +Diane!!!! They are gone, Louis. Death took them. Death which you can now destroy... +They are gone, Louis. Death took them. Death which you can now destroy... NO!!!!! +You have to ask me for this. You have to want it, do you hear me? Give it to me!!! +Give it to me!!! Vampires. We thrive on blood. +Vampires. We thrive on blood. I want it! +You let your overseer run riot, work your slaves to the bone. We'll start with him. How do you mean, start? +How do you mean, start? Call him. +Let's call that a start. I can't do it. +I can't do it. You've just done it - +You've just done it - Kill me if you will, but I can't do this... +Don't worry. He was white trash, they come at two a penny. I dumped him in the swamp and untied the slave, licked his wounds clean. You're the devil, aren't you? That's who you are. +You're the devil, aren't you? That's who you are. I wish I were. But if I were, what would I want with you? +I wish I were. But if I were, what would I want with you? I can't go through with it, I tell you. +I can't go through with it, I tell you. Your perfect. Your bitter and you're strong. +Your perfect. Your bitter and you're strong. But why do you want me? +But why do you want me? Because you're as strong as I was when I was alive. +You really want to be with them? Yes. Kill me. Kill me like you promised - +Yes. Kill me. Kill me like you promised - You asked for death. I didn't promise it - +Did I hear a yes? Yes... +You're sure? Sure... +You're body's dying. Pay no attention. It will take twenty minutes at most. Dying? +Come, you're going to feed now. I want a woman. +Take him. The crucifix - +The crucifix - Forget the crucifix. Take him. +What have I done? You have fed. You were made for this... +Dear God, what have I done? You've killed Louis. And enjoyed it. +Yes, that's you, my handsome friend. And you'll look that way till the stars fall from heaven. It can't be... +It can't be... Give it time. You're like a man who loses a limb and still imagines he feels pain. It will pass. And we must sleep now. I can feel the sun approaching. +You must get into it. It's the only safe place for you when the light comes. And if I don't? +And if I don't? The sun will destroy the blood I've given you. Every tissue, every vein. The fire in this lantern could do that too. +You'll get used to killing. Just forget about that mortal coil. You'll become accustomed to things all too quickly. Do you think so? +I know. It gets cold so fast. We can live like this? Off the blood of animals? +There's nothing in the world now that doesn't hold some... Fascination... +Fascination... Yes. And I'm bored with this prattle -- +But we can live without taking human life. It's possible. Anything is possible. But just try it for a week. Come into New Orleans and let me show you some real sport! +Have you ever been caught? Of course not. It's so easy you almost feel sorry for them. +The trick is not to think about it. See that one? The widow St. Clair? she had that gorgeous young fop murder her husband. She's perfect for you. Go ahead. But how do you know? +But how do you know? Read her thoughts. +Read her thoughts. I can't. +I can't. The dark gift is different for each of us. But one thing is true of everyone. We grow stronger as we go along. +What have you done to me? You've condemned me to hell. I don't know any hell - +Consider yourself lucky. In Paris a vampire has to be clever for many reasons. Here all one needs is a pair of fangs. Paris? You came from Paris? +Paris? You came from Paris? As did the one who made me. +As did the one who made me. Tell me about him. You must have lernt something from him! It had to happen for you as it did for me! +Tell me about him. You must have lernt something from him! It had to happen for you as it did for me! I learnt absolutely nothing. I wasn't give a choice, remember? +I learnt absolutely nothing. I wasn't give a choice, remember? But you must know something about the meaning of it all, you must know where we come from, why we... +They know about us. They see us dine on empty plates and drink from empty glasses. Come the New Orleans then. There's an opera on tonight. A real french opera! We can dine in splendour! +Come the New Orleans then. There's an opera on tonight. A real french opera! We can dine in splendour! I respect life, don't you see? For each and every human life I have respect. +I respect life, don't you see? For each and every human life I have respect. Respect me a little then. I'm the only life you know. +You fool, what have you done? What you wouldn't do. It's almost sunrise. It will be the sun or the fire. You said they can kill me. The sun or the fire! +Where are we? Where do you think, my idiot friend? We're in a nice filthy cemetery. Does this make you happy? Is this fitting and proper enough? +We belong in hell. And what if there is no hell, or they don't want us there? Ever think of that? +What, no flowery speeches? About what a monster I am? What a vulgar fiend? I'm not interested in you. You disgust me. I'm interested in my own nature and know I can't trust you to tell me the truth about me. +I'm not interested in you. You disgust me. I'm interested in my own nature and know I can't trust you to tell me the truth about me. What do you imagine you are Louis? +What do you imagine you are Louis? I don't pretend to know. +I don't pretend to know. Don't you understand, Louis, that you alone of all creatures can see death with impunity... you alone under the rising moon can strike like the hand of God. +Lestat, she's alive!!!! Vampires are killers. Predators, who's all seeing eyes were meant to give them detachment. +The girl, Lestat - I know. Let her alone. +Why do you do this Lestat? I like to do it. I enjoy it. Take you aesthete's taste to purer things. Kill them swiftly if you will, but do it! For now doubt, you are a killer Louis. Ah! +Lestat - finish this - You finish her - if you feel so much - +Unless I make her one of us... NO!!! +NO!!! THEN YOU KILL HER!!!!! +My God... to think you... are all I have to learn from... In the old world, they called it the dark gift, Louis. And I gave it to you. +Pain is terrible for you. You feel it like no other creature because you are a vampire. You don't want it to go on. No... +Do what it is in your nature to do. And you will feel as you felt with that child in your arms. Oh God Lestat. I felt peace. I felt an end to the craving. +Oh God Lestat. I felt peace. I felt an end to the craving. That and more. +Evil is a point of view. God kills, indiscriminately, and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are, none so like him as ourselves. Is God merciless? Greedy and cruel? +Is God merciless? Greedy and cruel? Ah, but we have even more in common with our creator. come, I am like a mother tonight. I want a child. +She's here, your wounded one. What are you saying? +What are you saying? You need company, Louis. More congenial than mine... +Lestat! You remember how you wanted her, the taste of her - +You remember how you wanted her, the taste of her - I didn't want to kill her. +I didn't want to kill her. Don't worry, Louis, you're conscience is clear. You left her alive. +Claudia, Claudia, listen to me. You're ill, my precious and I'm going to give you what you need to get well. Lestat, what do you mean? +You are the devil! You are the instrument of Satan! That's enough, cherie. Stop before the heart stops. +Your mama's left you with us. She wants you to be happy. You are the devil! You are the instrument of Satan! +You are the devil! You are the instrument of Satan! Shhhh! Do you want to frighten our little daughter? +Claudia, Claudia, will you never learn? Who will we get now to finish your dress? A little practicality, cherie... She would sleep in my coffin, daily, curl her child's fingers round my hair as she dreamt of I know not what... +Claudia! Don't do this thing!!! Louis, Louis, I gave you the gift --- help me --- +No... You come back to me Louis... Are you mad???? +You'll come home with me Louis? Fro a little while... until I am myself again. CLAUDIA!!! +I'm so glad you're here Louis... I've dreamed of your coming... Don't try to speak... it's alright... +Don't try to speak... it's alright... I didn't mean to let them do it... that Santiago, he tricked me... +I didn't mean to let them do it... that Santiago, he tricked me... That's all past, Lestat. +That's all past, Lestat. Yes. Past... she should never have been one of us... +Still beautiful Louis. You always were the strong one. Don't fear me, Lestat. I bring you no harm. +Don't fear me, Lestat. I bring you no harm. You've come back to me, Louis? You've come again to me? +It's only a siren... I can't bear it Louis! The machines out there, that fly and that roar! And such lights! They make the night brighter than the day! +I can't bear it Louis! The machines out there, that fly and that roar! And such lights! They make the night brighter than the day! And they frighten you? +And they frighten you? You know I love the dark. But there's no dark anymore. +You know I love the dark. But there's no dark anymore. It's false light, Lestat. It can't harm you... +It's false light, Lestat. It can't harm you... If you stayed with me Louis, I could venture out... little by little... become the old Lestat. +I have to go now Lestat... You remember how I was, Louis.. the vampire Lestat... +You remember how I was, Louis.. the vampire Lestat... Yes. I remember... +I tried to tell you Louis... that night in Paris... when I first came to you... no-one can refuse the dark gift, Louis... not even you. I tried... +I tried... And the more you tried, the more I wanted you... a vampire with your beautiful, suffering human heart. And how you suffered... I need your forgiveness, Louis. +And the more you tried, the more I wanted you... a vampire with your beautiful, suffering human heart. And how you suffered... I need your forgiveness, Louis. You have it... +So you want me to tell you the story of my life... That's what I do. I interview people. I collect lives. F.M. radio. F.F.R.C. I just interviewed a genuine hero, a cop who - +That's what I do. I interview people. I collect lives. F.M. radio. F.F.R.C. I just interviewed a genuine hero, a cop who - You'd have to have a lot of tape for my story. I've had a very unusual life. +You'd have to have a lot of tape for my story. I've had a very unusual life. So much the better. I've got a pocket full of tapes. +So much the better. I've got a pocket full of tapes. You followed me here, didn't you? +You followed me here, didn't you? Saw you in the street outside. You seemed interesting. Is this where you live? +Saw you in the street outside. You seemed interesting. Is this where you live? It's just a room... +It's just a room... So shall we begin? What do yo do? +So shall we begin? What do yo do? I'm a vampire. +See? I knew you were interesting. You mean this literally, I take it? Absolutely. I was watching you watching me. I was waiting for you in that alleyway. And then you began to speak. +Absolutely. I was watching you watching me. I was waiting for you in that alleyway. And then you began to speak. Well, what a lucky break for me. +Well, what a lucky break for me. Perhaps lucky for both of us. +You were going to kill me? Drink my blood? Yes but you needn't worry about that now. Things change. +You believe this, don't you? That you're a vampire? You really think... We can't begin this way. Let me turn on the light. +We can't begin this way. Let me turn on the light. But I thought vampires didn't like the light. +But I thought vampires didn't like the light. We love it. I only wanted to prepare you. +How did you do that? The same way you do it. A series of simple gestures. Only I moved too fast for you to see. I'm flesh and blood, you see. But not human. I haven't been human for two hundred years. +What can I do to put you at ease? Shall we begin like David Copperfield? I am born, I grow up. Or shall we begin when I was born to darkness, as I call it. That's really where we should start, don't you think? You're not lying to me, are you? +You're not lying to me, are you? Why should I lie? 1791 was the year it happened. I was twenty-four - younger than you are now. +Why should I lie? 1791 was the year it happened. I was twenty-four - younger than you are now. Yes. +Yes. But times were different then. I was a man at that age. The master of a large plantation just south of New Orleans... +You said the slave had a crucifix... Oh, that rumour about crosses? +Oh, that rumour about crosses? You can't look at them... +You can't look at them... Nonsense, my friend. I can look on anything I like. And I am particularly fond of looking on crucifixes. +Nonsense, my friend. I can look on anything I like. And I am particularly fond of looking on crucifixes. The story about stakes through the heart? +The story about stakes through the heart? The same. As you would say today... Bull shit. +The same. As you would say today... Bull shit. What about coffins? +What about coffins? Coffins... coffins unfortunately are a necessity... +You loved Yvette... Can a vampire feel love? +Can a vampire feel love? You loved your wife, surely. +You loved your wife, surely. I was human then. Might as well ask can an angel feel love. Both are blesses or cursed with a certain... detachment. Though whether angels take as long to learn it as I, I will never know. +Shall we go on? He did it to make you stay with him! +He did it to make you stay with him! Perhaps. He knew me. He knew I would love her more than the waking world. But there was more to it than that. Perhaps in the end he did it -- to show me that he could. For he lavished affection on her, there was no doubt about that. Life was very different with madame Claudia, as you can imagine... +But why did you tell her? How could I not? She had to know. +How could I not? She had to know. And did you lose her? Did she go? +And did you lose her? Did she go? Where would she have gone? She was a child, and beautiful, heartbreaking merciless child. And I had made her that... +Did he die in the fire? He was dead to us. We were free. That was all that mattered. +You found nothing? Peasant rumours, superstitions about garlic, crosses, stakes in the hear, all that - how do you say again? Bull shit. But one of our kind? Not a whisper. +Peasant rumours, superstitions about garlic, crosses, stakes in the hear, all that - how do you say again? Bull shit. But one of our kind? Not a whisper. No vampires in Transylvania? No Count Dracula? +No vampires in Transylvania? No Count Dracula? Fictions, my friend. The vulgar fictions of a demented Irishman... So we repaired to Paris... +Lestat escaped the fire! He hadn't even been there. And all those years I thought he was dead. +No... it can't end like that... But it has. There is no more to tell. +But it has. There is no more to tell. But you talk about passion, about longing, about things I'll never know in my life! It's still inside you, in every syllable you speak! And then you tell me it ends like that? Just empty? +But you talk about passion, about longing, about things I'll never know in my life! It's still inside you, in every syllable you speak! And then you tell me it ends like that? Just empty? It's over, I'm telling you... +It's over, I'm telling you... You need a new passion, Louis, a new reason to feel... what a story you've told, you don't understand yourself. +Is this what you want? You ask me for this after all I've told you? If I could see what you've seen, feel what you've felt I wouldn't let it end like this! You need a like to the world out there, a connection... then it won't end like this... +Dear God. I've failed again, haven't I? No... +No... Don't say anymore. The reels are still turning. I have but one chance to show you the meaning of what I've said. +You haven't the vaguest conception under God of what you ask! Au contraire, monsieur, I have. +You promise to care for her then? Yes... +Yes... And you know what you ask for? +Yes. What do you think she is, Madeleine? A doll? +What do you think she is, Madeleine? A doll? A child who can't die... +And the child who did die? My daughter... +Look at the gaslight. Don't tke your eyes off it. You will be drained to the point of death, but you must stay alive. Do you hear me? Yes! +What can I do for you? Checking in...Karla Wilson. +You're in 201 and 202. Is that bad? +Is that bad? Not at all. Those are our honeymoon suites. +Julie, we're talkin' suites! That'll be just fine with us. And, while you're here, our marginally trained, off-season staff of five will attend to your every need. +And, while you're here, our marginally trained, off-season staff of five will attend to your every need. Wait...Did you say off-season? +Wait...Did you say off-season? July fourth weekend. Storm season starts today. The clouds roll in like clockwork. +Duh. The next couple of days is gonna be rough, but we'll make it. What about a radio? +What about a radio? Sorry. Emergencies only. +Sorry. Emergencies only. What the hell would you call this? +What the hell would you call this? I'd call this four spoiled city kids who wouldn't know a hurricane if it blew up their butts. All we can do now is batten down and ride it out. If things get really bad, there's a storm shelter. +It sure is a beautiful old hotel. Built in 1948 for a member of the Rockefeller clan. The tile work was imported from Spain. A lot of history in these walls...Judy Garland stayed here...Hemmingway fished for marlin right off that dock -- +Your what? Honeymoon suites. I take it you kids haven't exchanged vows, yet? +Honeymoon suites. I take it you kids haven't exchanged vows, yet? We haven't exchanged anything. +Storm season? It's our version of winter. 201 and 202. There's Scrabble and Parcheesi in the lobby. Enjoy. +Listen to me. He's here. Who? Who is here? +I want off this island. Not possible, I'm afraid. The last ferry left hours ago. And we got a storm coming. There won't be another one for days. +Then I'll call the mainland for a charter. Phones went down a few minutes ago. +You'll go away with you're college friends, but you won't go away with me? Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. +Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What were you thinkng? +Jeez, Ray, fourth and forty, throw the bomb. I should go up there. I should call her back, tell her I'm coming. +I should go up there. I should call her back, tell her I'm coming. No way, man. Surprise her. She'll be psyched. +I don't know, man. Maybe we should keep going, find a phone -- No. +No. The guy looks dead. +Get lost, you scared me. Fish are all over the water...Come on, let us take a boat out. +Fish are all over the water...Come on, let us take a boat out. Titus, you're so stoned, you'd end up in Spain. +Titus, you're so stoned, you'd end up in Spain. That's why you'll come with Titus, mon. +There's a storm comin', Titus. No boats are going out. Storm is what makes it interesting. Thass why all the fish are up. Less hook us a couple big ones. +I got work to do. Take the bake elsewhere. Up-tighteous and self-righteous. +I thought you were out of town! What are you doing in my closet? +I thought you were out of town! What are you doing in my closet? +What are you doing in my closet? i just wanted your black pants, but I'm not ready to die for them! +That was heart attack time, Karla. No. When I put these skinny pants on my body...Now, that's heart attack time. +I'm not going anywhere. I'm fat, ugly, and depressed. Yeah, right -- whatever. +Yeah, right -- whatever. I think I just really hurt Ray's feelings. +I think I just really hurt Ray's feelings. Listen to me, Julie. Ray's a great guy, nothing against old Ray, but he's so...Ray. I mean, he lives in Southport. Will's a nice guy, too, and he lives right down the street. +There's nothing between Will and me. Yet. Nothing yet. +Say yes. No. +No. No means yes. +No means yes. Tyrell, I appreciate it, but have you seen my people dance? We make the mouth face, we move the fingers -- +Karla! Did you tell him I'd be here? Nope. I told him that you absolutely, positively would not be here at this bar between ten o'clock and eleven o'clock tonight. And then he came anyway. +That could break the machine. Julie, people who end up making rules like that end up beating their kids with wire hangers. It's a fact. +The number's unlisted... Would you relax? We've been dating three months. He ain't stalking your butt. +Would you relax? We've been dating three months. He ain't stalking your butt. Okay, okay. You're right. +Okay, okay. You're right. I know it, and it feels good. Hi, Ty. +You gotta sell his butt on the Bahamas? Ray, come on. I want us to be together. +He's not coming. I thought he was just... Julie, you left four messages... Four. +Julie, you left four messages... Four. But, he said he'd try. +But, he said he'd try. He said he'd try. Try is like maybe. Try is nothing! +He said he'd try. Try is like maybe. Try is nothing! He does work hard. +He does work hard. Work hard, huh? He's breaking your heart just because he can. And I don't want to have to say I told you so... +Work hard, huh? He's breaking your heart just because he can. And I don't want to have to say I told you so... Then, don't. +Oh! Hey, sorry... He's my friend, too. And that ticket is not going to waste. +I'm the King of the World. No, I'm the King of the World. +Remind me to study real hard so someday this is normal and all that back there is somethin' I do for a weekend once every ten years. I will, and you remind me of the same thing. +Hello? Hello? Where is everyone? I'll ask -- +Their stuff in there... ...and ours in here. Karla! You promised. +Karla! You promised. I also promised Tyrell. +Am I bad? I mean, he's really great, and he's cute -- He's cute...And he's got a crush on you... But... +He's cute...And he's got a crush on you... But... I miss Ray...I tried to call him. +Karaoke -- perfect. Don't even think about it. +Don't even think about it. Okay, I won't. +No way. Yes. +Yes. No. +No. Yes. +Yes. Not me...no way... +Think about this, Julie. What did you actually see? The dockhand guy. Hanging by his neck from up there. +You get any sleep at all? Some. +It's okay...He doesn't believe me. That's his right. I'm starting to think I'm crazy, too. Hey, slow down, turn off the little motor up in there...What do you say we go to the gym and work off a little stress? +Nice move. I'll be givin' your fisherman some of that and see how he likes it. +Cancer in a box. No, this is the safe sun. It's better than a day at the beach. +Karla! Just kidding. +I'm not crazy...I'm not crazy. He's here... We've got to get to the radio and call for help. I think we can classify this as an emergency situation. +Oh, stop it! He's dead. You killed him. Now, get over it. We gotta think here. They never found the body. +Julie... Only he wasn't dead. He killed Barry and Helen last July Fourth. +Let him go. I believe him. Come on, Julie. You saw his room. +What do you mean? Rio isn't the capital of Brazil. It was the wrong answer. Sorry, we lose. +I know I don't want to stay in here. We'll be better off in the open. If we stick together, maybe we can kill this creep for good. +Be careful, Julie. I've got to see. +Julie, the boats are gone, the phones are down. There's no way off this place. Then, we fight -- +I'm your best friend...You could have told me the truth about what happened. I would've understood. Karla, I just wanted the whole thing to be over. I didn't want to involve anybody else. +Karla, I just wanted the whole thing to be over. I didn't want to involve anybody else. It's too late for that. +There's no way to lock it. What do we do? +I don't know... Come on, you can make it. +Julie? I'm right here. Grab my hand. +I'm holding your hand! No, you're not. +No, you're not. ...Nancy? +Oh, god, it's you -- You're okay. Thank god. +You're okay. Thank god. Is he? +I got in early. I was excited... Who was that guy? Oh, that's Will. He's a friend. You'd like him. +Oh, that's Will. He's a friend. You'd like him. Yeah. +Yeah. Ray, we're just friend. +Ray, we're just friend. Every guy in history who tried to pick up a girl did the good-friend thing first. +Every guy in history who tried to pick up a girl did the good-friend thing first. Why are you being like this? +Ray, I can't... Can't what? +Can't what? I just feel like some part of me hasn't healed up enough to go back. Like some critical piece is missing. Please understand... +I understand something. It's not like that. It's not you. It's me. My head. I want to go back. I want to be with you. I want to be fine. I want everything to be like it used to be. It just isn't. +Hey. I'm really glad you called... I'm sorry. No, you don't have to be sorry. I'm the one -- +No, you don't have to be sorry. I'm the one -- No, I shouldn't have left so fast... I was just... +No, I shouldn't have left so fast... I was just... It's okay. +Ray, Karla won a trip to the Bahamas! An island called Tower Bay. And she wants us to come with her. What? The Bahamas? You're kidding. +We'd have a long weekend just to sit in the sun, drink fruity drinks, and swim, and... You know... This weekend? +Julie, we're working a big run up here. It's been crazy. We probably have to go out again tonight. I don't think I can do it. Will you try...for me, please? +Okay, I'll try. But, listen... If I don't make it up, then you go ahead and have a great time. Ray...please try. I really miss you. Okay. Bye. +Ray...what are you doing? Oh...it's not working right. You're home early. Did I scare you? +Oh...it's not working right. You're home early. Did I scare you? Never do that again. +Never do that again. Hey -- I didn't know you were here. It's okay. We got the refrigerator in. Come see. +I love it here. It's gonna be great. +Checking the locks again? You know me to well. +You're the most beautiful woman in the bar tonight, Jules. Tyrell, you are an unstoppable force of nature. +Tyrell, you are an unstoppable force of nature. That's right. It's how the species survives. You'll never convince me otherwise. Wanna dance? +I am not crazy, Tyrell. He was right there. Fine. Show me the body. +We're all going to die. He's going to kill us one by one. Who? +Who? Ben Willis. +Voodoo. I told you. +You've got all these theories but where is he? Where? Where's your fisherman killer? I don't know. +I don't know. You never do...The guy at the nightclub, the body in your room last night. Little notes that only mean something to you. How do we even know you're not the one behind this -- +Don't kill me -- Wait, it's Nancy -- +Julie! Wait! You okay? I'm fine. +I'm fine. You sure? +You sure? I'm fine. +I'm fine. You don't seem fine. +The shower again? It was in a church...it was so real. I mean, I could feel his breath on me. +It was in a church...it was so real. I mean, I could feel his breath on me. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. I thought I was over the dreams for good. I really did. I hadn't had one for months. +I thought I was over the dreams for good. I really did. I hadn't had one for months. It just takes time, Julie. It's gonna get better. +It just takes time, Julie. It's gonna get better. It can't get worse. I mean, it's not like this was the first time I freaked out in class. I hardly ever get a full night's sleep, my grades suck, I'm this close from being thrown out of school. +It was one year ago... It's...the anniversary. That's what's going on...Take it easy on yourself. +It's...the anniversary. That's what's going on...Take it easy on yourself. I'm trying. I really am...Sometimes I don't even know why I came up here in the first place. +I'm trying. I really am...Sometimes I don't even know why I came up here in the first place. To get out of Southport? +To get out of Southport? Right. Now I remember. +Nah. I'll probably just be here studying for finals. The joys of summer school... Are you okay? I'm okay. +I'm okay. Are you sure? +This was not my idea. What? +What? I said, this...Do you want a drink? +Just take deep breaths and think of something happy from childhood. What if I don't have anything happy from childhood...Sorry, I can't relax going five hundred miles an hour, or four thousand, four hundred feet a minute... Which is over seven hundred feet a second. Imagine hitting something at seven hundred feet a second. +What if I don't have anything happy from childhood...Sorry, I can't relax going five hundred miles an hour, or four thousand, four hundred feet a minute... Which is over seven hundred feet a second. Imagine hitting something at seven hundred feet a second. Deep breaths -- +Deep breaths -- Fumes build up in the fuel tanks. You can by surface-to-air missiles over the internet. Planes use O-rings...which freeze in tap water. Planes fall from the sky for practically no reason at all. +Fumes build up in the fuel tanks. You can by surface-to-air missiles over the internet. Planes use O-rings...which freeze in tap water. Planes fall from the sky for practically no reason at all. You've got a better chance of getting hit by lightning. +You've got a better chance of getting hit by lightning. Right. Planes get hit by lightning. They get hit by meteors. They hit other planes. +And it's been blue skies all day. It might be perfect all weekend. It beets being on the mainland. +You sure it's okay with you? Sure. It's fine. As long as you don't snore. +Sure. It's fine. As long as you don't snore. You can toss a shoe at me if it gets out of hand. +Julie? What's wrong? It's...him. +It's...him. What do you mean, Julie? +What do you mean, Julie? He did something to the screen...it, it, said... +Oh, Will! I'm sorry. It's my fault. I shouldn't have...I didn't think... +No, no, no. This was really sweet... I scared you -- I crossed the line -- +I scared you -- I crossed the line -- No -- it's not that. It's...I'm just a little on edge. I'm really sorry. +No -- it's not that. It's...I'm just a little on edge. I'm really sorry. Hey, you don't have to appologize to me. I'm the one. I understand. I'm going to take a walk and dry off. +Hey, you don't have to appologize to me. I'm the one. I understand. I'm going to take a walk and dry off. Are you sure? I really appreciate it. +What? What are you talking about? Where? It's in my room! +There was a body! I swear it! Julie, you said you were tired. Waybe you were dreaming. +Julie, you said you were tired. Waybe you were dreaming. I wasn't dreaming. +Come on. We're gonna be okay. Did you get help? +Estes came after me with a gaffing hook. He's in it with Willis? +He's in it with Willis? I guess so. +Why are you doing this to me? Me, me, me. It's always about you. I'm having bad dreams. I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in school. I'm having trouble with my boyfriend. +Me, me, me. It's always about you. I'm having bad dreams. I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in school. I'm having trouble with my boyfriend. I trusted you. +I trusted you. We had a connection, didn't we? I can tell you one thing, though. Ray didn't trust me. He was right. He's dead, but he was right. +...Why? Why? Come on, Julie. Think. You'll get it. Will Benson -- Ben's son. +You know what I want to do to you ...right now, don't you? There's gotta be somewhere we can be alone. I don't think so. It's pretty crowded. +I don't think so. It's pretty crowded. Just for a minute, baby. I got something I wanna tell you. +If you can say all you gotta say in a minute then I don't wanna hear it. I'll talk real slow. +Worse comes to worse, you can stand there and watch me. Come on, I'll take a break and we'll all dance. +Is there a problem here? Where there's a Will, there's a way. Come on. +Something is gonna hit your butt if you don't quit complaining. Honey, some folks just can't fly. +Ain't nothin' free in this world. Everybody says it, and it's true. I wanted you all to have a good trip. We will, baby...All this means is we got the whole island to ourselves. +Oooh, the mainland -- Somebody's gone tropical on us, baby. Tropical! +Guess the capital of Brazil -- Rio, baby! +Pretty cool bar. They all start to look the same once you've worked in one. Am I right, sister? +Tha's it. I've decided. I'm changing my major to finance. And going to Wall Street. Why? +Why? 'Cause that's the only way I'm ever gonna be able to afford a big bed like this. +You sure you didn't pick up my hair tie? Hello? +Hello? Okay, I just didn't wanna get my hair wet. +Okay, I just didn't wanna get my hair wet. Baby, I finally got you alone in this Jacuzzi and I don't wanna be discussin' hair care. +I used to be a lifeguard...I'd hate to have to blow my whistle. I'd hate for you to have to blow...your whistle. +Oh, look. Another day in paradise with Julie-your-tour-director...Miss Psychotic Episode. Hey -- +Hey -- See any dead bodies out there? Any fresh kill? How 'bout Freddy, Jason? +Somebody...is a sick, fingerpainting psycho. We gotta get out of here. Now. +I'll come with you. Are you crazy? We're not staying here on our own. +Maybe we should just wait here? Hide in a tree? I'm not hiding up no tree. I'm with her. Let's arm ourselves to the teeth and kick this psycho's butt. +You think that's a good place to hide? I don't know, but I'm starving. +Julie, is everything cool? Karla said... I said we start having fun. And that means now. +To a great weekend -- Yeah, a great weekend. Forget the weather! +Come on, it'll be fun. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for my friend, my very best friend, Julie James. +Ahh, that feels great. How's Julie? +How's Julie? Alone. In the room. Got any advise? +Why? He can't help us. He's probably the only one who can help us. +Mark in the Morning! Magic 96.7! Oh my God! I'm Karla. Karla Wilson. Jules, it's Mark in the Morning. Well, Karla, what're you doin' at home over the long fourth weekend? +Well, Karla, what're you doin' at home over the long fourth weekend? Well, I'm in school and -- +Well, I'm in school and -- How'd you like to win a Magic 96.7 Quicky Getaway? +How'd you like to win a Magic 96.7 Quicky Getaway? Yes! +Still here...thinking... You mean Brazil, the country? Okay, Karla, five seconds. Five...Four... +Rio de Janeiro! Oh, no...Did you say Rio? +Oh, no...Did you say Rio? No. Yes? +Waaaaahhhhhhhhhh! We'll call you back with all the details...So what's your favorite radio station? +Jeez, that's a full carat -- How much? +How much? Well, there's some flaws in her... +Well, there's some flaws in her... How much? +Don't really have the market for something like this... I can go two...two-fifty. Make it three hundred. And throw that in, too. +Hell, that's worth three, easy. And you got your waiting period. I'm not waiting...So give me the gun and keep the ring. +You guys lost? Tell me this ain't the bar scene. +Tell me this ain't the bar scene. Wanna drink? +What's the matter, boy trouble? Not anymore. +Not anymore. He leave you? +He leave you? No. I shot him. +What's going on? Julie thinks there's a dead guy in the closet. +Julie thinks there's a dead guy in the closet. Cool. +Cool. The rest of us see bathrobes. +I'm sorry, but you could've been the one doing all of this -- And so could you -- crazy fool. +And so could you -- crazy fool. You stumbled into my hiding place. +You stumbled into my hiding place. Must have missed the sign. +Must have missed the sign. Excuse me, but this island didn't have a murder rate until you people showed up. I've never seen a dead body before. +Can't talk right now. See, it's not a macho thing. It's about equilibrium in your inner ear. You could've used a patch, but it's too late now. Get used to it. Some folks just can't sail. +We didn't get all dressed up for nothing. Planter's Punch, Singapore Sling, or how about a Mai-Tai? +The last day of the season. Yeah, we heard. So why are you still here? +There's ten people on this whole island and they're all gonna end up in this Jacuzzi with us. How's the water? +How's the water? Crowded. +I'm just saying what all of you are thinking. It's bad enough gettin' rained out without having to hold her hand the whole time. You don't have to be a jerk. +Where is everybody? They're all dead...Dead, I tell you. Ahhhh, we're all deaaaddddd. Tyrellll, joinnnn usss. +They're around...They just don't care about us 'cause we're the contest winners. Let's go find Stoner Boy...Make his lazy butt hook us up with fishing poles or Ping-Pong paddles or something. You know, the greenhouse effect has caused the gulf stream to shift and almost every meteorological expert expects a dramatic increase in tropical depression -- +You know, the greenhouse effect has caused the gulf stream to shift and almost every meteorological expert expects a dramatic increase in tropical depression -- Hey -- shut up, okay? +Take this. And do what with it? +They were cut loose. Julie? Wanna tell us what is going on here? +The porter...what's his name? Old Asbestos -- Estes! That's exactly who it is. That old guy knows something. We can sit here and wait for him to pick us off or we can go find him first. +We'll only be a second, okay? Yeah, wait right here, it's the safest place. +Where'd Estes go? What is up with that weirdo? +What is up with that weirdo? I'll go find him. +You don't have to. It's inside of you -- all the glory that was Greece -— the dancing, the singing and the white marble -- How clover you are, Mr. Albrecht, to see all that in our simple Thea... She is quite pretty, isn't she? +How clover you are, Mr. Albrecht, to see all that in our simple Thea... She is quite pretty, isn't she? This was the temple of Hades --the God of the Dead. It contained no images -- just empty space and walls of perfect symmetry. +This was the temple of Hades --the God of the Dead. It contained no images -- just empty space and walls of perfect symmetry. How disappointing! I expected it was something more romantic. A temple to the Goddess of Love, perhaps. +How disappointing! I expected it was something more romantic. A temple to the Goddess of Love, perhaps. The Greeks thought death was beautiful -- an adventure --a journey to another world. But I have my other guests to think of -- The General will be wanting to go back to his army. If you'll excuse me -- +Where is Miss Wollsten? She's in her room. +I took it for granted you gentlemen were refugees as are my other guests. This is General Nikolas Pherides, Commander of the Third Army. I'm Oliver Davis. To be perfectly frank with you, we didn't expect to find anyone living here. +This is General Nikolas Pherides, Commander of the Third Army. I'm Oliver Davis. To be perfectly frank with you, we didn't expect to find anyone living here. It is my home. My name is Hugo Albrecht. +But the gods played a little trick on me. I was born in Switzerland. You collect these to sell, abroad? +He is exhausted. Why don't you stay here tonight? Get a good sleep. You can return to your command in the morning. +I need your advice —— something has happened —— Mr. Jacks —— Drunk again? +Drunk again? He's dead. I want the General to see him. +"He complained of not feeling well. I thought he was drunk —— he staggered." That staggering. His dying so quickly. In your campaigns, have you never seen men who staggered before they died, who talked incoherently —— walked blindly. +I wonder if my editor's psychic? Reports from the Greek front are going to be a little vague. Or even spirit messages from the next world. +I'd like to, very much -- but it depends on what dispatches are waiting for me on the mainland. In case you do so, would you -- +It doesn't look much like the fish spears I knew back in Marblehead.. Our friend, Poseidon, didn't use it for fishing. He raked the sea with it and stirred up the big waves. +Our friend, Poseidon, didn't use it for fishing. He raked the sea with it and stirred up the big waves. I'll go up and take a look at the General —- perhaps sit with him. +I'll go up and take a look at the General —- perhaps sit with him. He won't even know you're there. He is delirious. +He won't even know you're there. He is delirious. All the more reason to watch him. He's had some wild notions lately. +All the more reason to watch him. He's had some wild notions lately. Don't bother. Go to bed and get some sleep. I'll be working late. I can hear any movement down here. +Don't bother. Go to bed and get some sleep. I'll be working late. I can hear any movement down here. Well —— +Well —— Go ahead. I'll wake you up when I go to bed. Then you can watch him. +Go ahead. I'll wake you up when I go to bed. Then you can watch him. Thank you, I'll do that. Good night. +Goodbye. May life be good to you both. As for the others —— they will be quiet here —— and I will be with them. +If the wind shifts, if the sirocco blows -- the hot wind from the South -- all danger will be over in twenty-four hours. Good winds and bad winds! +The ancient Greeks had just as good an explanation -- that the gods sent the plague to punish mortals for harboring Vrykolaka -- They used to believe that sort of thing in the mountain villages. Some still do -- +She's right. This is hardly the time to bandy old tales. I have lived long enough to doubt everything -- which is to say, I believe everything, a little. +You're just talking nonsense. Let us put it to the test. Protect yourself with every scientific precaution you can think of. I'll go out on the cliff and build a votive fire to Hermes -- not that I believe in him any more than I do in Science. +We will see who is the first to die. Very well. I'll wager a dinner. +I suppose you want to hear my prayer to Hermes. I just came to see if your prayer would entertain me as much as my medicine seems to amuse you. +) You feel the symptoms? My friend -- what can one say -- +My friend -- what can one say -- You can have your servants prepare a dinner. That is the way I'll meet my old- familiar enemy -- Death --I have fought him before. I've won often. Now he wins. Let him come for me at my own banquet. +I'm here. The General is here. You are not alone. I must meet him with laughter - with songs and laughter -- to show him I am not afraid -- +I have not been on the island in twenty years. It is changed - changed completely. Where are the graves -- the coffins? This was once a cemetery. +The enemy is in retreat. There will be no more fighting here. I came here to visit the crypts. My wife was buried here. What happened to the bodies? They were gore before I came here. +They were gore before I came here. But why? +There was some trouble here ——the villagers on the mainland —-this island was the focal point of their anger. They came here ——broke open the tombs and despoiled the graves. All the graves? +All the graves? I'm afraid so. There were rumors ——people were aroused. Some feared restlessness among the dead you know, the old superstitions. +I'm afraid so. There were rumors ——people were aroused. Some feared restlessness among the dead you know, the old superstitions. I donut understand. +Perhaps I had better stay. I am tired. I'll get Ida to make up your bed. +I'm not sure that it is the plague. We will know when the next one sickens. Until then you and I remain here. I will not bring the plague to my troops. +We will know when the next one sickens. Until then you and I remain here. I will not bring the plague to my troops. In the meantime it would be useless to alarm the others. Let them think it was a normal And, perhaps it was —- perhaps it was. +Did you hear what Thea said -- as if she knew what threatens us. That's impossible. I told them Jacks died of a sudden heart attack, probably brought on by over drinking. +That's impossible. I told them Jacks died of a sudden heart attack, probably brought on by over drinking. Did your servant got word to Dr. Drossos? +Another sad task. We'll bury her tomorrow. I think we'd better lock the door for tonight. It will make them less uncomfortable. No. She shall not be left here. +No. She shall not be left here. Maybe you're right. Help me get something to carry her downstairs. +You were singing, weren't you? A beautiful voice, Miss St. Aubyn. That was my companion. She sings little peasant songs quite nicely -- a completely untrained voice, of course. +I hope Mr. Jacks gets to bed in one piece. M~ father will take care of it. Pappa is wonderful! No matter what happens, he makes me feel perfectly safe. I could never leave him. I should be utterly helpless by myself. +I adore hearing Thea sing -- but my poor head's beginning to ache. I'm so sorry. Of course. Tomorrow, perhaps, before I go? +I'm glad you and the General didn't have to leave us. We would feel quite deserted.. How could we go back to the wars with such pleasant company here.. +How could we go back to the wars with such pleasant company here.. Thank you. +Good night, Oliver. Sleep well. +You're not leaving tomorrow..? I think not. +I know it must be hard. But you have relatives in London --you've got a whole world of living, ahead of you -- No one can take my father's place. +Where's Thea? I think she went to bed —— I saw her going toward the house +Oh, no -— it's too delicious! You're making it up! On my word! That's what they believe. +Tell me about them, Thea. They have great wings end long teeth -- Sharp, shiny teeth -- and they creep up to your bed -- +Sharp, shiny teeth -- and they creep up to your bed -- Closer and closer —- until they bite into your throat! +My father -- I'm alone, Oliver, completely alone! Poor Cathy -- +Poor Cathy -- Last night Dr. Drossos -- today you or I -- oh, no, Oliver, it can't be you, I couldn't stand it. +There's no reason to decide any of us are going to die. If only we could get away - - you and I. The others are strangers, they mean nothing to me +If Mr. Albrecht is right, we'll all be free in a few days. I suppose you'll be going on to Athens? I don't know now without my father. +Poor child. These must be horrible days for you. I'm so ill, I'm so exhausted -- I almost don't care. +Has that girl -- has Thea ever told you where she comes from? Some village in the mountains -- Alethera, I think. +Has she spoken to you of her father and her mother? She has never mentioned her family. +She has never mentioned her family. How old is she? +What are you doing? I was looking for you. +I have been troubled about you. I want you to know that my room is just downstairs -- You have only to cry out if you are ill —— or frightened. How kind you are. It is so comforting to know that someone cares. +Miss Wollsten shares the room with you? No, that's Thea's bed. Miss Wollsten's bed is in there. +It's getting dark. I can't leave now. In the morning -- go. I'll not die until then —- I'll not die —— I'll watch -— they shall not hurt you. +In the morning -- go. I'll not die until then —- I'll not die —— I'll watch -— they shall not hurt you. Shh——— it's all right -— I'll be all right. +Shh——— it's all right -— I'll be all right. They shall not hurt you +The young man, Mr. Davis, seems to be some kind of an unofficial observer —— a correspondent of some sort —— And the soldier -- He looked at me so strangely -- who is he? +You are fortunate in your father. Thea is an orphan. +Cathy —- how does it feel to have a father? What an odd question! +What an odd question! I mean, does one love a father because he is good and kind -—or just because he is one's father? +I mean, does one love a father because he is good and kind -—or just because he is one's father? Why, I love my father because - because I do. Of course, he's nice to me. +Thea -- you're hiding something. Why do you suddenly speak of your father? You told me once you had never seen him -- didn't know him -- I do not know him, but I have seen him. +I do not know him, but I have seen him. What is it -- what are you talking about? +What is it -- what are you talking about? You have forgotten my last name? +I have forgotten it, dear. My last name is Pherides. +Thea, your choice is a very simple one. Either you want to claim him as your father, or you do not. But one must love a father. +But one must love a father. The General — you don't even know him. +Come, Thea, if you're going to claim him as your father you've got to make up your mind. They'll be leaving any minute. I don't know. As a child. I longed for a father and now —- I don't know —— +I felt he did not like me. That should decide it or you -- +That should decide it or you -- I will let him go. He is dead to me as he is to all my mother's people. I turn my hand against him. +You should sleep, Cathy. Lie down and close your eyes. Try to forget everything. When I close my eyes, I see Miss Wollsten. I can't think of anything else. +When I close my eyes, I see Miss Wollsten. I can't think of anything else. She is dead — at peace. +Suppose, she isn't dead. Suppose it was a cataleptic attack? It was, the plague +It was, the plague We quarreled. She never dared get angry or frightened -- but I said things to her -- it was an attack, I know it was. +I wish I didn't have such bitter knowledge of you, Cathy. Whet do you mean? +Whet do you mean? They were talking about the Vrykolakas this morning. Cathy, that's what you are —— a weak, pale, half-dead thing that drains all the life and joy from those who want to live. +They were talking about the Vrykolakas this morning. Cathy, that's what you are —— a weak, pale, half-dead thing that drains all the life and joy from those who want to live. Miss Wollsten! +Miss Wollsten! You and your mysterious illness. A new attack everytime you are crossed — everytime you can't get your own way. +Your father knew it too. But he was never sure how much was pretense. How do you know what my father thought - - +How do you know what my father thought - - Your father loved me. He wanted to marry me. But he was afraid of hurting the gentle, delicate Cathy. You spoiled his life ——you've ruined mine —— +Your father loved me. He wanted to marry me. But he was afraid of hurting the gentle, delicate Cathy. You spoiled his life ——you've ruined mine —— You were father's secretary -— I never thought - - +You were father's secretary -— I never thought - - Didn't you? But now -- what are you thinking now? +What would I be thinking? Mr. Davis seems a good prospect ——young handsome, sympathetic -- ready to listen to you and feel sorry for you - - +Mr. Davis seems a good prospect ——young handsome, sympathetic -- ready to listen to you and feel sorry for you - - What if he is? +What if he is? ) But Thea -- She stands in your way. I know you. I know your little hints —— the way you can turn the truth into a lie -- +) But Thea -- She stands in your way. I know you. I know your little hints —— the way you can turn the truth into a lie -- Why, I'm fond of Thea. +Why, I'm fond of Thea. You're planing something, Cathy.. But I won't let you —- I'll warn them against you. +You're planing something, Cathy.. But I won't let you —- I'll warn them against you. You will not say one single word. I know your secret. +You will not say one single word. I know your secret. That your father and I —— +That your father and I —— "No. I mean your other secret -— the one you kept bidden even from my father. That old doctor in London -- he told me." +I've always known what an evil mind lay behind that pretty weak face of yours —— but this, Cathy -- even I would never have believed it is of you. Would you care to explain what you're talking about? +Would you care to explain what you're talking about? You've been playing on the superstitions of that poor old man — — working at him — — turning him against Thea. +You've been playing on the superstitions of that poor old man — — working at him — — turning him against Thea. Really, this is idiotic! +Really, this is idiotic! You'd do anything to get Oliver away from Thea. But I'm going to stop you. I'm going to tell Mr. Davis exactly what you are. +When I tell him that you're unfit to live a normal life with normal people —- a cataleptic! You wouldn't tell that —— +You wouldn't tell that —— Wouldn't I? +No. No. I won't believe it. He's not dead. This is Dr. Drossos, chief medical officer of my division. +This is Dr. Drossos, chief medical officer of my division. "I don't care who he is. He doesn't know. He can't tell ——" +Woman, what are you doing here? I wanted to be sure of something, General -- something that has always preyed on my mind. I have a horror of being buried alive and awakening to find myself shut in —- entombed —— imprisoned.. +I wanted to be sure of something, General -- something that has always preyed on my mind. I have a horror of being buried alive and awakening to find myself shut in —- entombed —— imprisoned.. He sleeps quietly. He died with a wine glass in his hand -- he died laughing -- a brave man, Drossos, like his father before him. +He sleeps quietly. He died with a wine glass in his hand -- he died laughing -- a brave man, Drossos, like his father before him. Because he was a brave man - because I liked him -- I came here to be sure. +Because he was a brave man - because I liked him -- I came here to be sure. He's dead enough. God rest his soul. +I'm a woman -- a lonely woman. I have few friends. Yes? +Yes? I have not had a happy life --but that one thing - - that terror which brings me awake out of deep sleep —- I want to avoid it. +I have not had a happy life --but that one thing - - that terror which brings me awake out of deep sleep —- I want to avoid it. I don't understand you. +I don't understand you. I don't want to be buried alive. If I die I want to be sure —- quite sure. +I don't want to be buried alive. If I die I want to be sure —- quite sure. If you should fall sick we'll be careful. You need not worry. +If you should fall sick we'll be careful. You need not worry. No, I want more than that. I beg you General, make sure --drive a knife through my heart -- anything. +No, I want more than that. I beg you General, make sure --drive a knife through my heart -- anything. You ask that of me? You're afraid to live in your coffin. You know what that means? +You ask that of me? You're afraid to live in your coffin. You know what that means? That's superstition. That's something out of old tales -- about the dead who live —- I'm talking of something else --cataleptic attacks -- apparent death that is not real. +That's superstition. That's something out of old tales -- about the dead who live —- I'm talking of something else --cataleptic attacks -- apparent death that is not real. Never fear -- when you are dead you will remain dead. I will see to it that you do not walk about again. I promise you that. There is another one here who can not die. I will watch you both. Never fear. +I don't really know where Thea comes from. The Vice—Consul at Adrianople brought her to me.. Her name is Thea? +Her name is Thea? Theodosia. +Theodosia. Her family name? +Her family name? Damn me, if I know. She's become so much a member of our household I never think of her by any name but Thea -- she has a last name -- +You do not know her last name -- you do not know from where she came? Miss Wollsten -— my secretary, she'd know. +Your daughter is ill. She's not too well. +She's not too well. What is her illness? +What is her illness? Nothing, really. She's been under a great strain -- the journey -- the battle -- +Nothing, really. She's been under a great strain -- the journey -- the battle -- Was she ill before that girl came into your household? +Was she ill before that girl came into your household? Why -- no not before Thea came —— +This girl -- This girl -- Thea —- is not a servant in my household, sir. She is my daughter's companion. Now, sir, if you'll excuse me, I'll go have a look at Mr. Jacks. +This girl -- Thea —- is not a servant in my household, sir. She is my daughter's companion. Now, sir, if you'll excuse me, I'll go have a look at Mr. Jacks. I will go with you. +Why not Take the doctor's advice? You're the hero of the battle of Corphon. Hero? +Hero? In the New York Morning Globe, the man who wins victory is always a hero. - +You know that sound, Oliver? I heard the same sound at Ladysmith, at Nukden, Port Arthur. What do you expect after a battle? +I heard the same sound at Ladysmith, at Nukden, Port Arthur. What do you expect after a battle? You were at those battles as a spectator — — I wonder if you can think what that sound might mean to me —— those men out there —— dead or dying —— by my order -- because I willed it so. +Do you mind if I go with you? There's no one there -— nothing but the caves and the dead. +There's no one there -— nothing but the caves and the dead. I'll only go as far as the shore and wait for you. +She is not there. The coffin is gone. Maybe you've got the wrong crypt —— after all it's twenty years when you wore last here. +You are a happy man Oliver. You have but one world to live in —- the world of today. I have two worlds. I have that old dark world of peasant ignorance and superstition in which I was brought up and a new world which the army gave me —— a world of mathematics, gun ranges,logistics, tactics, strategy. It doesn't seem to bother you much, General. +It doesn't seem to bother you much, General. I will be glad to leave this island. It has too much of that old dark world about it. I will be glad to leave it and that girl —— +I will be glad to leave this island. It has too much of that old dark world about it. I will be glad to leave it and that girl —— Thea? +There is something evil about her. Oh, now —— now look here —— +Oh, now —— now look here —— I know all you are going to say —-I have been saying it to myself, but the thought will not leave my mind. She resembles my wife -—there is something about her ——the way she moves —— the way she turns her head. +I know all you are going to say —-I have been saying it to myself, but the thought will not leave my mind. She resembles my wife -—there is something about her ——the way she moves —— the way she turns her head. But that should make you like her. +It makes me fear her. I can't understand that. +I can't understand that. It is not necessary to understand. We are leaving and I am thankful. +Well, at any rate, I would like to say goodbye to the girl. We have no time for that. +I've seen men die drunk —- and I've seen men die of the plague. Plague? There's no possibility of that, is there? +Plague? There's no possibility of that, is there? The rider on the pale horse is Pestilence. He follows the wars. +Until we know, what choice is there? We have to stay. But the war, the army —— they need you. +But the war, the army —— they need you. Better no general than one carrying the plague. +Better no general than one carrying the plague. We still don't know that it's the plague —— +We still don't know that it's the plague —— Dr. Drossos will tell us. We will know what to do then. +Thea is so like her —— in every feature —— If she looked like Thea, she must have been beautiful. +She was beautiful. There was blood between her family and my kin. But that did not stop me from taking her when I saw her beauty, nor did it stop her from loving me. How did she die? +How did she die? I don' t know. When I was gone the people from her village came to my home seeking vengeance. They bore her away with them. Months later she came back ——pale -- sick -- she died -- +Is this what you wanted to speak to me about? In a way -- this girl, Thea. You must stay away from her. +In a way -- this girl, Thea. You must stay away from her. I had a notion you had become self—appointed chaperone lately — why? +I had a notion you had become self—appointed chaperone lately — why? You are my friend. +You are my friend. And I'm your friend —— but that doesn't explain why you are always trying to come between Thea and me? +And I'm your friend —— but that doesn't explain why you are always trying to come between Thea and me? If I told you —— you wouldn't believe me -- but this much I can tell you —— the girl is dangerous to you. Take a friend's advice -- an old man' s advice -- leave her alone -— +If I told you —— you wouldn't believe me -- but this much I can tell you —— the girl is dangerous to you. Take a friend's advice -- an old man' s advice -- leave her alone -— That's ridiculous -- Thea's lovely, gentle —- +That's ridiculous -- Thea's lovely, gentle —- Listen to what I say -- +Listen to what I say -- When you make sense I'll listen. +I have had command for the last time —- Come —- you'll feel yourself again as soon as we get off this dismal island. +Come —- you'll feel yourself again as soon as we get off this dismal island. I shall not leave the island —— +Theodosia -- Not Theodosia. Theodosia's daughter -- your daughter. +Daughter -- my daughter -- She was born before your wife returned here to die. You never knew. +You're crying. Why? I don't know. Everything's so mixed up -- +I don't know. Everything's so mixed up -- Everything's so simple. I like you. +What's bothering you, Thea? Is it the General? Sometimes when he looks at me in that strange way, I'm afraid of him. +Sometimes when he looks at me in that strange way, I'm afraid of him. Don't let it trouble you. He's an old man and these last few days have been a terrible strain on him. He won't harm you. +Please.. You shouldn't laugh -- You see? Thea believes it, too! +Thea, what's wrong? The General threatened me. +The General threatened me. Oh, that Vrykolaka business. You mustn't be too angry with him, Thea. He's an old man and now with all this trouble —— the disappointment in not being able to lead his own army to victory -- cooped up here waiting for death - naturally his mind goes back to the things he believed when he was an ignorant lad in some mountain village. +Oh, that Vrykolaka business. You mustn't be too angry with him, Thea. He's an old man and now with all this trouble —— the disappointment in not being able to lead his own army to victory -- cooped up here waiting for death - naturally his mind goes back to the things he believed when he was an ignorant lad in some mountain village. He keeps asking for the name of my father and mother. +He keeps asking for the name of my father and mother. Well, tell, him. +Well, tell, him. I can't. +I can't. Why in the world can't you? +Why in the world can't you? He hates all my race. +He hates all my race. I knew that feuds still went on, but I didn't think people like you and the General would be involved. +I knew that feuds still went on, but I didn't think people like you and the General would be involved. It is more than a feud between two families. He stole my mother away from her people. +"Thea, what is this? What are you trying to tell me? ""He stole your mother"" —-" It is for that he hates me. +I don't think so, Thea. He has spoken of your mother. I don't believe he knows you are his daughter. Then why does he persecute me? My family told me what kind of man he is, how he stole my mother and then abandoned her -- +Because she loved him. I know him, Thea. Believe me, he is not a cruel man. For a moment, when he looked at me so sadly, I felt that I had wronged him. But then -- +Let me tell him. When he knows you are his child, he'll forget these insane notions -— No -- you musn't. He thinks I've bewitched you. He won't believe it —- he'll hate me even more! My only chance is to stay away from him. +I'm not crying, Mr. Potter. Well, you're begging, and that's a whole lot worse. +Well, you're begging, and that's a whole lot worse. All I'm asking is thirty days more . . . +Times are bad, Mr. Potter. A lot of these people are out of work. Then foreclose! +Then foreclose! I can't do that. These families have children. +But they're somebody's children. Are you running a business or a charity ward? +Are you running a business or a charity ward? Well, all right . . . +Mr. Potter, what makes you such a hard-skulled character? You have no family –– no children. You can't begin to spend all the money you've got. So I suppose I should give it to miserable failures like you and that idiot brother of yours to spend for me. +Hey, this is the company's posters, and the company won't like this. How would you like to get a ticket next week? Haven't you any romance in you? +How would you like to get a ticket next week? Haven't you any romance in you? Sure I have, but I got rid of it. +Come on, we got to get this up. He's coming. Who? +Who? The groom, idiot. Come on, get that ladder. +Get that ladder up here. All right –– all right. +All right –– all right. Hurry up . . . hurry up . . . hurry up. +Hurry up . . . hurry up . . . hurry up. I'm hurrying. +George . . . Ernie, I'm a rich tourist today. How about driving me home in style? +All right, put up your hands. No fast moves. Come on out here, both of you. Bert! Thank heaven you're here! +Stand back. Bert, what's happened to this house? Where's Mary? Where's my kids? +Bert, now listen to me. Ernie, will you take me over to my mother's house? Bert, listen! It's that fellow there –– he says he's an angel –– he's tried to hypnotize me. I hate to do this, fella. +What the Sam Hill you yelling for, George? Don't . . . George? +Know you? Are you kiddin'? I've been looking all over town trying to find you. I saw your car piled into that tree down there, and I thought maybe . . . Hey, your mouth's bleeding; are you sure you're all right? What did . . . +Good morning, sir. Carter –– bank examiner. +Carter –– bank examiner. Mr. Carter, Merry Christmas. +Mr. Carter, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. +Merry Christmas. We're all excited around here. My brother just got the Congressional Medal of Honor. The President just decorated him. +We're all excited around here. My brother just got the Congressional Medal of Honor. The President just decorated him. Well, I guess they do those things. Well, I trust you had a good year. +Well, I guess they do those things. Well, I trust you had a good year. Good year? Well, between you and me, Mr. Carter, we're broke. +Good year? Well, between you and me, Mr. Carter, we're broke. Yeah, very funny. +Yeah, very funny. Well . . . . . . now, come right in here, Mr. Carter. +You what? To save me? Well, I did, didn't I? You didn't go through with it, did you? +Well, I did, didn't I? You didn't go through with it, did you? Go through with what? +Go through with what? Suicide. +Oh, I know all about you. I've watched you grow up from a little boy. What are you, a mind reader or something? +What are you, a mind reader or something? Oh, no. +Oh, no. Well, who are you, then? +Well, who are you, then? Clarence Odbody, A-S-2. +Clarence Odbody, A-S-2. Odbody . . . A-S-2. What's that A-S-2? +Odbody . . . A-S-2. What's that A-S-2? Angel, Second Class. +That's what I was sent down for. I'm your guardian angel. I wouldn't be a bit surprised. +I wouldn't be a bit surprised. Ridiculous of you to think of killing yourself for money. Eight thousand dollars. +I told you –– I'm your guardian angel. I know everything about you. Well, you look about like the kind of an angel I'd get. Sort of a fallen angel, aren't you? What happened to your wings? +Well, you look about like the kind of an angel I'd get. Sort of a fallen angel, aren't you? What happened to your wings? I haven't won my wings yet. That's why I'm an angel Second Class. +I haven't won my wings yet. That's why I'm an angel Second Class. I don't know whether I like it very much being seen around with an angel without any wings. +I don't know whether I like it very much being seen around with an angel without any wings. Oh, I've got to earn them, and you'll help me, won't you? +By letting me help you. Only one way you can help me. You don't happen to have eight thousand bucks on you? +Only one way you can help me. You don't happen to have eight thousand bucks on you? Oh, no, no. We don't use money in Heaven. +Oh, no, no. We don't use money in Heaven. Oh, that's right, I keep forgetting. Comes in pretty handy down here, bub. +Oh, that's right, I keep forgetting. Comes in pretty handy down here, bub. Oh, tut, tut, tut. +Oh, tut, tut, tut. I found it out a little late. I'm worth more dead than alive. +I found it out a little late. I'm worth more dead than alive. Now look, you mustn't talk like that. I won't get my wings with that attitude. You just don't know all that you've done. If it hadn't been for you . . . +What'd you say? I said I wish I'd never been born. +I said I wish I'd never been born. Oh, you mustn't say things like that. You . . . . . . wait a minute. Wait a minute. That's an idea. What do you think? Yeah, that'll do it. All right. You've got your wish. You've never been born. +What did you say? You've never been born. You don't exist. You haven't a care in the world. +Well, that's the doggonedest thing . . . I haven't heard anything out of that ear since I was a kid. Must have been that jump in the cold water. Your lip's stopped bleeding, too, George. +It's stopped snowing out, hasn't it? What's happened here? Come on, soon as these clothes of ours are dry . . . Our clothes are dry. +I can't fly. I haven't got any wings. You haven't got your wings. Yeah, that's right. +You have no car. Well, I had a car, and it was right here. I guess somebody moved it. +Oh, I don't know. Either I'm off my nut, or he is . . . . . . or you are! It isn't me! +It isn't me! Well, maybe I left the car up at Martini's. Well, come on, Gabriel. +What's the matter with him. I never saw Nick act like that before. You'll see a lot of strange things from now on. +You'll see a lot of strange things from now on. Oh, yeah. Hey, little fellow –– you worry me. You got someplace to sleep? +Oh, yeah. Hey, little fellow –– you worry me. You got someplace to sleep? No. +No. You don't huh? Well, you got any money? +No. No wonder you jumped in the river. +No wonder you jumped in the river. I jumped in the river to save you so I could get my wings. +Oh-oh. Somebody's just made it. Made what? +Made what? Every time you hear a bell ring, it means that some angel's just got his wings. +Look, I think maybe you better not mention getting your wings around here. Why? Don't they believe in angels? +You see, George, you were not there to stop Gower from putting that poison into the . . . What do you mean, I wasn't there? I remember distinctly . . . +Yeah, yeah, I know. You told me that. What else are you? What . . . are you a hypnotist? No, of course not. +No, of course not. Well then, why am I seeing all these strange things? +Well then, why am I seeing all these strange things? Don't you understand, George? It's because you were not born. +Don't you understand, George? It's because you were not born. Then if I wasn't born, who am I? +Then if I wasn't born, who am I? You're nobody. You have no identity. +What do you mean, no identity? My name's George Bailey. There is no George Bailey. You have no papers, no cards, no driver's license, no 4-F card, no insurance policy . . . +What? Zuzu's petals. +You know where he lives? Sure I know where he lives. He lives in Bailey Park. +Are you sure this is Bailey Park? Oh, I'm not sure of anything anymore. All I know is this should be Bailey Park. But where are the houses? +Clarence . . . Yes, George? +Yes, George? Where's Mary? +Where's Mary? Oh, well, I can't . . . +Oh, well, I can't . . . I don't know how you know these things, but tell me –– where is she? +I . . . If you know where she is, tell me where my wife is. +If you know where she is, tell me where my wife is. I'm not supposed to tell. +She's . . . Where is she? +Poor George . . . Sit down. Sit down? What are . . . +Sit down? What are . . . If you're going to help a man, you want to know something about him, don't you? +If you're going to help a man, you want to know something about him, don't you? Well, naturally. Of course. +Well, naturally. Of course. Well, keep your eyes open. See the town? +Where? I don't see a thing. Oh, I forgot. You haven't got your wings yet. Now look, I'll help you out. Concentrate. Begin to see something? +Why, yes. This is amazing. If you ever get your wings, you'll see all by yourself. +If you ever get your wings, you'll see all by yourself. Oh, wonderful! +Hey, who's that? That's your problem, George Bailey. +That's your problem, George Bailey. A boy? +A boy? That's him when he was twelve, back in 1919. Something happens here you'll have to remember later on. +What did you stop it for? I want you to take a good look at that face. +I want you to take a good look at that face. Who is it? +Who is it? George Bailey. +George Bailey. Oh, you mean the kid that had his ears slapped back by the druggist. +Oh, you mean the kid that had his ears slapped back by the druggist. That's the kid. +That's the kid. It's a good face. I like it. I like George Bailey. Tell me, did he ever tell anyone about the pills? +It's a good face. I like it. I like George Bailey. Tell me, did he ever tell anyone about the pills? Not a soul. +Not a soul. Did he ever marry the girl? Did he ever go exploring? +Did he ever marry the girl? Did he ever go exploring? Well, wait and see. +I know. I know. He didn't go. That's right. Not only that, but he gave his school money to his brother Harry, and sent him to college. Harry became a football star –– made second team All American. +That's right. Not only that, but he gave his school money to his brother Harry, and sent him to college. Harry became a football star –– made second team All American. Yes, but what happened to George? +Now, you've probably already guessed that George never leaves Bedford Falls. No! +. . . two of them as they were about to crash into a transport full of soldiers. Yes, but George . . . +You sent for me, sir? Yes, Clarence. A man down on earth needs our help. +Yes, Clarence. A man down on earth needs our help. Splendid! Is he sick? +Splendid! Is he sick? No, worse. He's discouraged. At exactly ten-forty-five PM tonight, Earth time, that man will be thinking seriously of throwing away God's greatest gift. +No, worse. He's discouraged. At exactly ten-forty-five PM tonight, Earth time, that man will be thinking seriously of throwing away God's greatest gift. Oh, dear, dear! His life! Then I've only got an hour to dress. What are they wearing now? +Oh, dear, dear! His life! Then I've only got an hour to dress. What are they wearing now? You will spend that hour getting acquainted with George Bailey. +You will spend that hour getting acquainted with George Bailey. Sir . . . If I should accomplish this mission –– I mean –– might I perhaps win my wings? I've been waiting for over two hundred years now, sir –– and people are beginning to talk. +Sir . . . If I should accomplish this mission –– I mean –– might I perhaps win my wings? I've been waiting for over two hundred years now, sir –– and people are beginning to talk. What's that book you've got there? +What's that book you've got there? The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. +The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Clarence, you do a good job with George Bailey, and you'll get your wings. +Clarence, you do a good job with George Bailey, and you'll get your wings. Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you. +Hey . . . hey. Where did the Building and Loan move to? The Building and what? +The Building and what? The Bailey Building and Loan. It was up there. +The Bailey Building and Loan. It was up there. They went out of business years ago. +Hey, Violet! Hey, listen –– that's Violet Bick! I know. I know. +I know. I know. I know that girl! +I want the Board to know that George gave up his trip to Europe to help straighten things out here these past few months. Good luck to you at school, George. Thanks. +Thanks. Now we come to the real purpose of this meeting –– to appoint a successor to our dear friend, Peter Bailey. +Thank you very much. It was his faith and devotion that are responsible for this organization. +What's that? That's the best part of it. They've appointed George here as executive secretary to take his father's place. +That's the best part of it. They've appointed George here as executive secretary to take his father's place. Oh, no! But, Uncle Billy . . . +Oh, no! But, Uncle Billy . . . You can keep him on. That's all right. As secretary you can hire anyone you like. +Hey, Ernie! Hiya, George! +Hiya, George! Hi, Bert. +If either of you two see a stranger around here, it's me. Hey, look! Somebody's driving this cab. +Bert, the cop, sent this over. He said to float away to Happy Land on the bubbles. Oh, look at this. Champagne! +Aw, now, doggone it, Ernie, don't you start pulling that stuff. You know where I live. Three-twenty Sycamore. Now hurry up. Okay. Three-twenty Sycamore? . . . +Okay. Three-twenty Sycamore? . . . Yeah –– yeah –– hurry up. Zuzu's sick. +Yeah –– yeah –– hurry up. Zuzu's sick. All right. +Look, bud, what's the idea? I live in a shack in Potter's Field and my wife ran away three years ago and took the kid . . . And I ain't never seen you before in my life. Okay. Just step on it. Just get me home. +Is this the place? Of course it's the place. +Of course it's the place. Well, this house ain't been lived in for twenty years. +Hello, Joseph, trouble? Looks like we'll have to send someone down –– a lot of people are asking for help for a man named George Bailey. +Looks like we'll have to send someone down –– a lot of people are asking for help for a man named George Bailey. George Bailey. Yes, tonight's his crucial night. You're right, we'll have to send someone down immediately. Whose turn is it? +George Bailey. Yes, tonight's his crucial night. You're right, we'll have to send someone down immediately. Whose turn is it? That's why I came to see you, sir. It's that clock-maker's turn again. +That's why I came to see you, sir. It's that clock-maker's turn again. Oh –– Clarence. Hasn't got his wings yet, has he? We've passed him up right along. +Oh –– Clarence. Hasn't got his wings yet, has he? We've passed him up right along. Because, you know, sir, he's got the I.Q. of a rabbit. +Because, you know, sir, he's got the I.Q. of a rabbit. Yes, but he's got the faith of a child –– simple. Joseph, send for Clarence. +On V-J Day he wept and prayed again. Joseph, now show him what happened today. +Joseph, now show him what happened today. Yes, sir. +Well? Mother . . . +Mother . . . Mother? What do you want? +Oh, Mother, Mother, please help me. Something terrible's happened to me. I don't know what it is. Something's happened to everybody. Please let me come in. Keep me here until I get over it. Get over what? I don't take in strangers unless they're sent here by somebody I know. +Well, sure I do. When'd you see him last? +When'd you see him last? Today, over at the house. +Today, over at the house. That's a lie. He's been in the insane asylum ever since he lost his business. And if you ask me, that's where you belong. +Hi, Daddy. Well, what happened to you? +Well, what happened to you? I won a flower. +Wait now. Where do you think you're going? Want to give my flower a drink. +Want to give my flower a drink. All right, all right. Here, give Daddy the flower. I'll give it a drink. +Look, Daddy . . . paste it. Yeah, all right. Now, I'll paste this together. +There it is, good as new. Give the flower a drink. +What? Will you try to get some sleep? +Will you try to get some sleep? I'm not sleepy. I want to look at my flower. +I'm not sleepy. I want to look at my flower. I know –– I know, but you just go to sleep, and then you can dream about it, and it'll be a whole garden. +I know –– I know, but you just go to sleep, and then you can dream about it, and it'll be a whole garden. It will? +It will? Uh-huh. +Daddy! Zuzu –– Zuzu. My little gingersnap! How do you feel? +Zuzu –– Zuzu. My little gingersnap! How do you feel? Fine. +Oh, oh. Sam Wainwright! How are you? When did you get here? Oh, this afternoon. I thought I'd give the kids a treat. +Oh, this afternoon. I thought I'd give the kids a treat. Old college graduate now, huh? +Old college graduate now, huh? Yeah –– old Joe College Wainwright, they call me. Well, freshman, looks like you're going to make it after all. +Yeah –– old Joe College Wainwright, they call me. Well, freshman, looks like you're going to make it after all. Yep. +Hee-haw! Hee-haw! +We just stopped in town to take a look at the new factory, and then we're going to drive on down to Florida. Oh . . . +Oh, I'm afraid I couldn't get away, Sam. Still got the nose to the old grindstone, eh? Jane, I offered to let George in on the ground floor in plastics, and he turned me down cold. +Still got the nose to the old grindstone, eh? Jane, I offered to let George in on the ground floor in plastics, and he turned me down cold. Oh, now, don't rub it in. +Oh, now, don't rub it in. I'm not rubbing it in. Well, I guess we better run along. +So long, George. See you in the funny papers. Goodbye, Sam. +Big –– see! I don't want one for one night. I want something for a thousand and one nights, with plenty of room for labels from Italy and Baghdad, Samarkand . . . a great big one. I see, a flying carpet, huh? I don't suppose you'd like this old second-hand job, would you? +Now you're talkin'. Gee whiz, I could use this as a raft in case the boat sunk. How much does this cost? No charge. +No charge. That's my trick ear, Joe. It sounded as if you said no charge. +What boat you sailing on? I'm working across on a cattle boat. +I'm working across on a cattle boat. A cattle boat? +What's that? I own the house. Me, Giuseppe Martini. I own my own house. No more we live like pigs in thisa Potter's Field. Hurry, Maria. +Goodbye, everybody! All in . . . +He's gone. Don't worry. His name is Welch. He don't come in to my place no more. Oh –– Welch. That's what I get for praying. +Oh –– Welch. That's what I get for praying. The last time he come in here. You hear that, Nick? +Oh, no, Please, don't go out this way, Mr. Bailey. I'm all right. +Oh, no –– you don't feel so good. I'm all right. +I'm all right. Please don't go away –– please! +She's swell. Looks like she can keep Harry on his toes. +Looks like she can keep Harry on his toes. Keep him out of Bedford Falls, anyway. +Keep him out of Bedford Falls, anyway. Did you know that Mary Hatch is back from school? +Did you know that Mary Hatch is back from school? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Came back three days ago. +Came back three days ago. Hmmmm . . . +Hmmmm . . . Nice girl, Mary. +Nice girl, Mary. Hmmmm . . . +Hmmmm . . . Kind that will help you find the answers, George. +Kind that will help you find the answers, George. Hmmm . . . +Hmmm . . . Oh, stop that grunting. +Oh, stop that grunting. Hmmm . . . +Hmmm . . . Can you give me one good reason why you shouldn't call on Mary? +Can you give me one good reason why you shouldn't call on Mary? Sure –– Sam Wainwright. +Sure –– Sam Wainwright. Hmmm? +Hmmm? Yes. Sam's crazy about Mary. +Yes. Sam's crazy about Mary. Well, she's not crazy about him. +Well, she's not crazy about him. Well, how do you know? Did she discuss it with you? +Well, how do you know? Did she discuss it with you? No. +No. Well then, how do you know? +Well then, how do you know? Well, I've got eyes, haven't I? Why, she lights up like a firefly whenever you're around. +Well, I've got eyes, haven't I? Why, she lights up like a firefly whenever you're around. Oh . . . +Oh . . . And besides, Sam Wainwright's away in New York, and you're here in Bedford Falls. +And besides, Sam Wainwright's away in New York, and you're here in Bedford Falls. And all's fair in love and war? +Mother, you know, I can see right through you –– right back to your back collar button . . . trying to get rid of me, huh? Uh-huh. +Well, here's your hat, what's your hurry? All right, Mother, old Building and Loan pal, I think I'll go out and find a girl and do a little passionate necking. Oh, George! +Oh, George! Now, if you'll just point me in the right direction . . . This direction? Good night, Mrs. Bailey. +George! George! Yes, sir. +Yes, sir. You're not paid to be a canary. +You're not paid to be a canary. No, sir. +Mr. Gower, do you want something . . . Anything? No. +No. Anything I can do back here? +Anything I can do back here? No. +Yes, sir. They have the diphtheria there, haven't they, sir? Ummmm . . . +Is it a charge, sir? Yes –– charge. +Yes –– charge. Mr. Gower, I think . . . +Mr. Gower, I think . . . Aw, get going! +Aw, get going! Yes, sir. +No . . . No . . . No. . . Don't hurt my ear again! +Mr. Gower, I won't ever tell anyone. I know what you're feeling. I won't ever tell a soul. Hope to die, I won't. Oh, George. +Mr. Gower . . . Mr. Gower . . . thanks ever so much for the bag. It's just exactly what I wanted. Aw, forget it. +Aw, forget it. Oh, it's wonderful. +Oh, it's wonderful. Hope you enjoy it. +Mr. Gower! Mr. Gower! This is George Bailey! Don't you know me? No. No. +Yes, you bet. Where's my insurance policy? Oh, here . . . +You want a martini? No, no, Martini. Your boss. Where is he? +Okay –– all right. Double bourbon, quick, huh? Okay. What's yours? +That does it! Out you two pixies go, through the door or out the window! Look, Nick. What's wrong? +Well, Nick, that's your name, isn't it? What's that got to do with it? I don't know you from Adam's off ox. Hey, you! Rummy! Come here! Come here! +Hope you have a good trip, George. Uncle Billy and I are going to miss you. I'm going to miss you, too, Pop. What's the matter? You look tired. +I'm going to miss you, too, Pop. What's the matter? You look tired. Oh, I had another tussle with Potter today. +Oh, I had another tussle with Potter today. Oh . . . +Oh . . . I thought when we put him on the Board of Directors, he'd ease up on us a little bit. +I thought when we put him on the Board of Directors, he'd ease up on us a little bit. I wonder what's eating that old money-grubbing buzzard anyway? +I wonder what's eating that old money-grubbing buzzard anyway? Oh, he's a sick man. Frustrated and sick. Sick in his mind, sick in his soul, if he has one. Hates everybody that has anything that he can't have. Hates us mostly, I guess. +Father, did I act like that when I graduated from high school? Pretty much. You know, George, wish we could send Harry to college with you. Your mother and I talked it over half the night. +Pretty much. You know, George, wish we could send Harry to college with you. Your mother and I talked it over half the night. We have that all figured out. You see, Harry'll take my job at the Building and Loan, work there four years, then he'll go. +We have that all figured out. You see, Harry'll take my job at the Building and Loan, work there four years, then he'll go. He's pretty young for that job. +He's pretty young for that job. Well, no younger than I was. +Well, no younger than I was. Maybe you were born older, George. +Maybe you were born older, George. How's that? +How's that? I say, maybe you were born older. I suppose you've decided what you're going to do when you get out of college. +I say, maybe you were born older. I suppose you've decided what you're going to do when you get out of college. Oh, well, you know what I've always talked about –– build things . . . design new buildings –– plan modern cities –– all that stuff I was talking about. +Oh, well, you know what I've always talked about –– build things . . . design new buildings –– plan modern cities –– all that stuff I was talking about. Still after that first million before you're thirty. +Still after that first million before you're thirty. No, I'll settle for half that in cash. +I know it's soon to talk about it. Oh, now, Pop, I couldn't. I couldn't face being cooped up for the rest of my life in a shabby little office. +Yes . . . Yes . . . You're right, son. You see what I mean, don't you, Pop? +You see what I mean, don't you, Pop? This town is no place for any man unless he's willing to crawl to Potter. You've got talent, son. You get yourself an education. Then get out of here. +This town is no place for any man unless he's willing to crawl to Potter. You've got talent, son. You get yourself an education. Then get out of here. Pop, do you want a shock? I think you're a great guy. +I'm going to miss old Annie. Pop, I think I'll get dressed and go over to Harry's party. Have a good time, son. +Got a match? Very funny. Very funny. +What do you mean, and be bored to death? Couldn't want a better death. Lots of pretty girls, and we're going to use that new floor of yours tonight, too. +Couldn't want a better death. Lots of pretty girls, and we're going to use that new floor of yours tonight, too. I hope it works. +Mary . . . Mary, I'm sorry. I've got to go. Come on, George, let's hurry. +Come on, George, let's hurry. Did you get a doctor? +Oh, am I glad to see you. Say, where's Mother? +Say, where's Mother? She's home cooking the fatted calf. Come on, let's go. +She's home cooking the fatted calf. Come on, let's go. Oh, wait. Wait . . . Wait a minute. +Hello, George, how are you? Harry . . . Harry . . . +George. Hiya, Marty. Well, it's old home week. +Hiya, Marty. Well, it's old home week. Do me a favor, will you, George? +Do me a favor, will you, George? What's that? +What's that? Well, you remember my kid sister, Mary? +Well, you remember my kid sister, Mary? Oh, yeah, yeah. +Oh . . . me? Oh, well, I feel funny enough already, with all these kids. Aw, come on. Be a sport. Just dance with her one time and you'll give her the thrill of her life. +Two cents worth of shoelaces? She was here first. +Good afternoon, Mr. Bailey. Hello, Violet. Hey, you look good. That's some dress you got on there. +Hey, George . . . Hello, Violet. +Hello, Violet. Hello, what am I bid? +Hello, Georgie-Porgie. Hello, Vi. +What gives? Nothing. +Nothing. Where are you going? +Where are you going? Oh, I'll probably end up down at the library. +Let's go out in the fields and take off our shoes and walk through the grass. Huh? +Huh? Then we can go up to the falls. It's beautiful up there in the moonlight, and there's a green pool up there, and we can swim in it. Then we can climb Mt. Bedford, and smell the pines, and watch the sunrise against the peaks, and . . . we'll stay up there the whole night, and everybody'll be talking and there'll be a terrific scandal . . . +George, can I see you for a second? Why, of course you can. Come on in the office here. +No, George, don't . . . Here, now, you're broke, aren't you? +Here, now, you're broke, aren't you? I know, but . . . +I know, but . . . What do you want to do, hock your furs, and that hat? Want to walk to New York? You know, they charge for meals and rent up there just the same as they do in Bedford Falls. +Say hello to New York for me. Yeah –– yeah . . . sure I will. +Yeah –– yeah . . . sure I will. Now, let's hear from you . . . +Violet Bick! I'm not going to go, George. I changed my mind. +Avast, there, Captain Cook! Where you headin'? Got to see Pop, Uncle Billy. +Got to see Pop, Uncle Billy. Some other time, George. +Some other time, George. It's important. +It's important. There's a squall in there that's shapin' up into a storm. +Uh-huh. Breakfast is served; lunch is served; dinner . . . No, no, no, no! Anchor chains, plane motors, and train whistles. +No, no, no, no! Anchor chains, plane motors, and train whistles. Peanut? +Hello. How do you do. +Well, what do you know –– wife. Well, how do you do. Congratulations. Congratulations. What am I doing? +Oh, thank you, George, old boy, old boy. Now, look –– if you'll point me in the right direction . . . would you do that? George? Right down here. +Old Building and Loan pal, huh . . . Now you just turn this way and go right straight down. +Now you just turn this way and go right straight down. That way, huh? +What is this, Uncle Billy? A holiday? George . . . +Why didn't you call me? I just did, but they said you left. This is a pickle, George, this is a pickle. +I just did, but they said you left. This is a pickle, George, this is a pickle. All right now, what happened? How did it start? +All right now, what happened? How did it start? How does anything like this ever start? All I know is the bank called our loan. +How does anything like this ever start? All I know is the bank called our loan. When? +When? About an hour ago. I had to hand over all our cash. +About an hour ago. I had to hand over all our cash. All of it? +All of it? Every cent of it, and it still was less than we owe. +Every cent of it, and it still was less than we owe. Holy mackerel! +Holy mackerel! And then I got scared, George, and closed the doors. I . . . I . . . I . . . +And then I got scared, George, and closed the doors. I . . . I . . . I . . . The whole town's gone crazy. +Yes, hello? George . . . it's Potter. Hello? +George, was it a nice wedding? Gosh, I wanted to be there. Yeah . . . . . . you can take this one off now. +Those Rockefellers! Get a tray for these great big important simoleons. +Get a tray for these great big important simoleons. We'll save them for seed. A toast! +Now look, did you buy anything? Nothing. Not even a stick of gum. +Nothing. Not even a stick of gum. All right. All right. Now we'll go over every step you took since you left the house. +All right. All right. Now we'll go over every step you took since you left the house. This way. +And did you put the envelope in your pocket? Yeah . . yeah . . . maybe . . . maybe . . . +Pop! Have you put any real pressure on those people of yours to pay those mortgages? +Pop! They're not my children. +Yes, sir. You see, if you shoot pool with some employee here, you can come and borrow money. What does that get us? A discontented, lazy rabble instead of a thrifty working class. And all because a few starry-eyed dreamers like Peter Bailey stir them up and fill their heads with a lot of impossible ideas. Now, I say . . . +Just a minute –– just a minute. Now, hold on, Mr. Potter. You're right when you say my father was no business man. I know that. Why he ever started this cheap, penny-ante Building and Loan, I'll never know. But neither you nor anybody else can say anything against his character, because his whole life was . . . Why, in the twenty-five years since he and Uncle Billy started this thing, he never once thought of himself. Isn't that right, Uncle Billy? He didn't save enough money to send Harry to school, let alone me. But he did help a few people get out of your slums, Mr. Potter. And what's wrong with that? Why . . . Here, you're all businessmen here. Doesn't it make them better citizens? Doesn't it make them better customers? You . . . you said . . . What'd you say just a minute ago? . . . They had to wait and save their money before they even ought to think of a decent home. Wait! Wait for what? Until their children grow up and leave them? Until they're so old and broken-down that they . . . Do you know how long it takes a working man to save five thousand dollars? Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you're talking about . . . they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn't think so. People were human beings to him, but to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they're cattle. Well, in my book he died a much richer man than you'll ever be! I'm not interested in your book. I'm talking about the Building and Loan. +I'm not interested in your book. I'm talking about the Building and Loan. I know very well what you're talking about. You're talking about something you can't get your fingers on, and it's galling you. That's what you're talking about, I know. Well, I've said too much. I . . . You're the Board here. You do what you want with this thing. Just one thing more, though. This town needs this measly one-horse institution if only to have some place where people can come without crawling to Potter. Come on, Uncle Billy! +Thank you, sir. Quite a cigar, Mr. Potter. You like it? I'll send you a box. +Yes. Well, most people say you stole all the rest. The envious ones say that, George, the suckers. Now, I have stated my side very frankly. Now, let's look at your side. Young man, twenty-seven, twenty-eight . . . married, making, say . . . forty a week. +You wouldn't mind living in the nicest house in town, buying your wife a lot of fine clothes, a couple of business trips to New York a year, maybe once in a while Europe. You wouldn't mind that, would you, George? Would I? You're not talking to somebody else around here, are you? You know, this is me, you remember me? George Bailey. +Would I? You're not talking to somebody else around here, are you? You know, this is me, you remember me? George Bailey. Oh, yes, George Bailey. Whose ship has just come in –– providing he has brains enough to climb aboard. +Oh, yes, George Bailey. Whose ship has just come in –– providing he has brains enough to climb aboard. Well, what about the Building and Loan? +Well, what about the Building and Loan? Oh, confound it, man, are you afraid of success? I'm offering you a three year contract at twenty thousand dollars a year, starting today. Is it a deal or isn't it? +Oh, confound it, man, are you afraid of success? I'm offering you a three year contract at twenty thousand dollars a year, starting today. Is it a deal or isn't it? Well, Mr. Potter, I . . . I . . . I know I ought to jump at the chance, but I . . . I just . . . I wonder if it would be possible for you to give me twenty-four hours to think it over? +Well, Mr. Potter, I . . . I . . . I know I ought to jump at the chance, but I . . . I just . . . I wonder if it would be possible for you to give me twenty-four hours to think it over? Sure, sure, sure. You go on home and talk about it to your wife. +Sure, sure, sure. You go on home and talk about it to your wife. I'd like to do that. +I'd like to do that. In the meantime, I'll draw up the papers. +In the meantime, I'll draw up the papers. All right, sir. +Yes, sir. Have you notified the police? +Have you notified the police? No, sir. I didn't want the publicity. Harry's homecoming tomorrow . . . +No, sir. No, sir. I haven't. What is it –– a woman, then? You know, it's all over town that you've been giving money to Violet Bick. +Not that it makes any difference to me, but why did you come to me? Why don't you go to Sam Wainwright and ask him for the money? I can't get hold of him. He's in Europe. +I can't get hold of him. He's in Europe. Well, what about all your other friends? +Well, what about all your other friends? They don't have that kind of money, Mr. Potter. You know that. You're the only one in town that can help me. +They don't have that kind of money, Mr. Potter. You know that. You're the only one in town that can help me. I see. I've suddenly become quite important. What kind of security would I have, George? Have you got any stocks? +Yes . . . how much is your equity in it? Five hundred dollars. +I have a big deal coming up that's going to make us all rich. George, you remember that night in Martini's bar when you told me you read someplace about making plastics out of soybeans? Huh? Yeah-yeah-yeah . . . soybeans. Yeah. +Huh? Yeah-yeah-yeah . . . soybeans. Yeah. Well, Dad's snapped up the idea. He's going to build a factory outside of Rochester. How do you like that? +Rochester? Well, why Rochester? Well, why not? Can you think of anything better? +Well, why not? Can you think of anything better? Oh, I don't know . . . why not right here? You remember that old tool and machinery works? You tell your father he can get that for a song. And all the labor he wants, too. Half the town was thrown out of work when they closed down. +Oh, I don't know . . . why not right here? You remember that old tool and machinery works? You tell your father he can get that for a song. And all the labor he wants, too. Half the town was thrown out of work when they closed down. That so? Well, I'll tell him. Hey, that sounds great! Oh, baby, I knew you'd come through. Now, here's the point. Mary, Mary, you're in on this too. Now listen. Have you got any money? +That so? Well, I'll tell him. Hey, that sounds great! Oh, baby, I knew you'd come through. Now, here's the point. Mary, Mary, you're in on this too. Now listen. Have you got any money? Money? Yeah . . . well, a little. +Money? Yeah . . . well, a little. Well, now listen. I want you to put every cent you've got into our stock, you hear? And George, I may have a job for you; that is, unless you're still married to that broken-down Building and Loan. This is the biggest thing since radio, and I'm letting you in on the ground floor. Oh, Mary . . . Mary . . . +Made up your mind yet? I'll take chocolate. +With coconuts? I don't like coconuts. +I don't like coconuts. You don't like coconuts! Say, brainless, don't you know where coconuts come from? Lookit here –– from Tahiti –– Fiji Islands, the Coral Sea! +A new magazine! I never saw it before. Of course you never. Only us explorers can get it. I've been nominated for membership in the National Geographic Society. +Well, hello. Hello. You look at me as if you didn't know me. +Hello. You look at me as if you didn't know me. Well, I don't. +Well, I don't. You've passed me on the street almost every day. +You've passed me on the street almost every day. Me? +Me? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. Uh-uh. That was a little girl named Mary Hatch. That wasn't you. +I'm not very good at this. Neither am I. +Neither am I. Okay –– what can we lose? +Hot dog! Just like an organ. Beautiful. +Do I look as funny as you do? I guess I'm not quite the football type. You . . . look wonderful. You know, if it wasn't me talking I'd say you were the prettiest girl in town. +I guess I'm not quite the football type. You . . . look wonderful. You know, if it wasn't me talking I'd say you were the prettiest girl in town. Well, why don't you say it? +Well, why don't you say it? I don't know. Maybe I will say it. How old are you anyway? +I don't know. Maybe I will say it. How old are you anyway? Eighteen. +Eighteen. Eighteen? Why, it was only last year you were seventeen. +Eighteen? Why, it was only last year you were seventeen. Too young or too old? +Too young or too old? Oh, no. Just right. Your age fits you. Yes, sir, you look a little older without your clothes on. +Your . . . your caboose, my lady. You may kiss my hand. +You may kiss my hand. Ummmmm . . . +Okay, then, I'll throw a rock at the old Granville house. Oh, no, don't. I love that old house. +Oh, no, George, don't. It's full of romance, that old place. I'd like to live in it. In that place? +In that place? Uh-huh. +Uh-huh. I wouldn't live in it as a ghost. Now watch . . . right on the second floor there. +What'd you wish, George? Well, not just one wish. A whole hatful, Mary. I know what I'm going to do tomorrow and the next day and the next year and the year after that. I'm shaking the dust of this crummy little town off my feet and I'm going to see the world. Italy, Greece, the Parthenon, the Colosseum. Then I'm coming back here and go to college and see what they know . . . and then I'm going to build things. I'm gonna build air fields. I'm gonna build skyscrapers a hundred stories high. I'm gonna build bridges a mile long . . . +Oh, no. Come on, tell me. +Come on, tell me. If I told you it might not come true. +If I told you it might not come true. What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say . . . +I'll take it. And then what? Well, then you could swallow it and it'd all dissolve, see? And the moonbeams'd shoot out of your fingers and your toes, and the ends of your hair. Am I talking too much? +Ouch! Gesundheit. This requires a little thought here. +They're way downtown. They'd be on my side, too. I'm going to scream! +Hello, Mary. I just happened to be passing by. Yeah, so I noticed. Have you made up your mind? +Yeah, so I noticed. Have you made up your mind? How's that? +How's that? Have you made up your mind? +Have you made up your mind? About what? +About what? About coming in. Your mother just phoned and said you were on your way over to pay me a visit. +My mother just called you? Well, how did she know? Didn't you tell her? +Didn't you tell her? I didn't tell anybody. I just went for a walk and happened to be passing by . . . +Well, are you coming in or aren't you? Well, I'll come in for a minute, but I didn't tell anybody I was coming over here. +When did you get back? Tuesday. +Tuesday. Where'd you get that dress? +Where'd you get that dress? Do you like it? +Do you like it? It's all right. I thought you'd go back to New York like Sam and Ingie, and the rest of them. +It's all right. I thought you'd go back to New York like Sam and Ingie, and the rest of them. Oh, I worked there for a couple of vacations, but I don't know . . . I guess I was homesick. +All right, for a minute. I still can't understand it though. You know I didn't tell anybody I was coming here. Would you rather leave? +Would you rather leave? No, I don't want to be rude. +No, I don't want to be rude. Well, then, sit down. +Well, I see it still smells like pine needles in here. Thank you. +Oh . . . yeah, yeah. That's all right. Don't you like her? +Don't you like her? Well, of course I like her. She's a peach. +Well, of course I like her. She's a peach. Oh, it's just marriage in general you're not enthusiastic about, huh? +Oh, it's just marriage in general you're not enthusiastic about, huh? No, marriage is all right for Harry, and Marty, and Sam and you. +George . . . George . . . George . . . Mary . . . +Where are we going? Look at this. There's the kitty, Ernie. Here, come on, count it, Mary. I feel like a bootlegger's wife. Look! +I feel like a bootlegger's wife. Look! You know what we're going to do? We're going to shoot the works. A whole week in New York. A whole week in Bermuda. The highest hotels –– the oldest champagne –– the richest caviar –– the hottest music, and the prettiest wife! +After that, who cares? That does it –– come here. +Just a minute, dear. Oh-oh . . . Please, let's not stop, George. +Please, let's not stop, George. I'll be back in a minute, Mary. +Oh, Mary . . . Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for. +Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for. Darling, you're wonderful. +Have fun. Thanks for dropping around. +Hi. Hi. +Hi. Mary Hatch, why in the world did you ever marry a guy like me? +Mary Hatch, why in the world did you ever marry a guy like me? To keep from being an old maid. +To keep from being an old maid. You could have married Sam Wainwright or anybody else in town. +You could have married Sam Wainwright or anybody else in town. I didn't want to marry anybody else in town. I want my baby to look like you. +I didn't want to marry anybody else in town. I want my baby to look like you. You didn't even have a honeymoon. I promised you . . . . . . Your what? +You didn't even have a honeymoon. I promised you . . . . . . Your what? My baby. +George Bailey lassos stork. Lassos the stork! You mean you . . . What is it, a boy or a girl? +Is it snowing? Yeah, just started. +Yeah, just started. Where's your coat and hat? +Where's your coat and hat? Left them at the office. +Zuzu! What's the matter with Zuzu? Oh, she's got a cold. She's in bed. Caught it coming home from school. They gave her a flower for a prize and she didn't want to crush it so she didn't button up her coat. +Oh, she's got a cold. She's in bed. Caught it coming home from school. They gave her a flower for a prize and she didn't want to crush it so she didn't button up her coat. What is it, a sore throat or what? +What is it, a sore throat or what? Just a cold. The doctor says it's nothing serious. +Just a cold. The doctor says it's nothing serious. The doctor? Was the doctor here? +The doctor? Was the doctor here? Yes, I called him right away. He says it's nothing to worry about. +Yes, I called him right away. He says it's nothing to worry about. Is she running a temperature? What is it? +Is she running a temperature? What is it? Just a teensie one –– ninety-nine, six. She'll be all right. +Where're you going? Going up to see Zuzu. +Mary! Mary! George, darling! Where have you been? +Oh, George, George, George. Mary! Let me touch you! Oh, you're real! +Mary! Let me touch you! Oh, you're real! Oh, George, George! +Oh, George, George! You have no idea what's happened to me. +You have no idea what's happened to me. You have no idea what happened . . . +Oh, you two idiots! George, sit down and have dinner. I've eaten. +I've eaten. Well, aren't you going to finish dressing for your graduation party? Look at you. +Well, aren't you going to finish dressing for your graduation party? Look at you. I don't care. It's George's tux. +Pop, can I have the car? I'm going to take over a lot of plates and things. What plates? +What plates? Oh, Mom –– I'm chairman of the eats committee and we only need a couple of dozen. +Oh, Mom –– I'm chairman of the eats committee and we only need a couple of dozen. Oh, no you don't. Harry, now, not my best Haviland. +Put those things in the car and I'll get your tie and studs together. Okay, Mom. You coming later? You coming later, George? +I guess you forgot something. Huh? +Huh? You forgot something. +You forgot something. What? +What? Well, aren't you going to make a deposit? +Well, aren't you going to make a deposit? Sure, sure I am. +Sure, sure I am. Well, then . . it's usually customary to bring the money with you. +Well, then . . it's usually customary to bring the money with you. Oh, shucks . . . +How about that one there? Hmm? Well, I . . . +How fast does this go? With the right wind, 15-20 knots. +With the right wind, 15-20 knots. What? +You can? You going to the lighthouse? +Come on, you guys. Well, I don't know.... +For me...? What the hell. For you.... +Great! Find one for me. With butter, if they got any.... +Wheee! Faster! How fast is enough? +How fast is enough? I want to go faster! +My hair's getting wet! So's mine. +When do we get to the lighthouse? Soon, dark eyes, soon. +I can't wait to get there. But of course. +Sure you do -- you win either way. I'm supposed to. +Oh, shit. Someone pop your balloon? +Someone pop your balloon? No problem, no problem. +Low tide at Cable Junction is 7:46 p.m. What'd you do? Memorize the tide tables? +What'd you do? Memorize the tide tables? I can't help it it sticks in my mind. +It's okay, it's okay.... Sean! Listen! Listen to me, Sean. +Bring her to port a little. That's it -- steady. I think we're changing course a little. +Don't! Stop paddling! +Easy, easy -- you'll swamp us! Back down! +Get on the rocks! Swim for it! +Yeah, it's her job. Is she responsible for the punch? +Is she responsible for the punch? No. +No. Good. It's terrible. +Who's that? Quick -- I'm in love. I hope that's the cousin. +Maybe by now they are. They're moving pretty fast. +If you're beached, why are we doing this? For practice? Yeah. +Yeah. Then why are we futzing around the dock? We can make a few bucks working at the beach. +Why not? I could give you a dozen good reasons. +I could give you a dozen good reasons. Shut up. +Shut up. Okay, okay, don't say I didn't remind you. +Turkeys! Eat wind! Yee-hah! +Your dad must be really pissed. We better go back in. +We better go back in. It's not going to be easy. +Putz -- that won't be for hours. I was counting on hours. +They're okay, if they got little white canes and tin cups. That's awful. +That's awful. What the hell. Did your mom put all this together? +Same as always -- glub-glub, bubble-bubble, stroke-stroke. There sure is some weird shit on the bottom of the ocean. Shells and lobsters and stuff? +Shells and lobsters and stuff? Mostly old garbage. Today we found a '48 Hudson. +Over here. I want you to meet somebody. Lucky. Lucky, lucky, lucky. +The lighthouse? No big thing, we'll see who's out there, maybe picnic. +Why'd they decide to move? Too hot in the lighthouse? +What is it? We're hung up on something. +Where're we going? Oh, out a ways. Maybe the lighthouse. +Goddamn it, Sean, you listen to me or I will kick your ass, do you hear me? Listen to Andy, Sean. +Listen to Andy, Sean. We're throwing a rope and you better catch it, hear? +But we had it! We were headed right for it! Shit. Shit, shit, shit! +But the island! The Shark. +We're carrying weight. We'll take your supercargo. +Coming up! Give way! Like hell! We're on the starboard tack! +Loser sails home alone. You're betting what you already got. +As soon as you get us on the island, you got to call in. My dad's the mayor.... There's a shark.... +Throw it. Sean! Catch it! +I don't know. What the hell, we're steering for it. +Coming up! Gangway, Turkies! +I thought you said she was going with us? Let's just go sailing, okay? +Let's just go sailing, okay? Want to talk about it? +Want to talk about it? Want to swim home? +You coming up on him? You bet. Hang on.... +How're we going to do that floating on this garbage...? Anyone got another set of sails? +Hey! Over here! +Sean! Catch the rope! The rope! The rope! +We're hung up here. Snagged. Can you get us a line? +Chief Brody -- can we go? Please? Oh, yeah. Sure. +Tina! N-o-o-o-o-o-o.... +N-o-o-o-o-o-o.... It's okay, it's okay. What's the matter? Tina? Honey? Hey --- +It's okay, it's okay. What's the matter? Tina? Honey? Hey --- No! It's still there! +No! It's still there! What is it? What's there? +What is it? What's there? It's still there! +It's still there! I need a hand here.... +Good morning! Aren't you off-duty? +Aren't you off-duty? Till noon. This is on my own time. Hi, Shorty. +On your own time? Happy to do it. +Happy to do it. Then check it out. I'll be in the office. +Chief.... Hendricks. I want to go over your reports and your Form 908. +I never heard of a 908. "I just made it up. It means, ""Get me out of there."" What the hell's that?" +"I just made it up. It means, ""Get me out of there."" What the hell's that?" Diver's camera. Tom Andrews brought it up from under that abandoned cruiser. +Diver's camera. Tom Andrews brought it up from under that abandoned cruiser. Abandoned? It's a little early in the season for that. +Abandoned? It's a little early in the season for that. Rich people. Home port is Newport, Rhode Island. +Rich people. Home port is Newport, Rhode Island. If I had a $100,000 boat, I sure as hell wouldn't leave it anchored alone in the channel. +If I had a $100,000 boat, I sure as hell wouldn't leave it anchored alone in the channel. If you had a $100,000 boat there'd be an investigation. +We got a helluva tide this month. Could you just keep that crowd back, please? +Chief? In here. +In here. I missed you at the funeral home. Santos said you were here. +I missed you at the funeral home. Santos said you were here. You didn't miss much. Christ, what a mess. +You didn't miss much. Christ, what a mess. Positive I.D.? +Positive I.D.? The woman passenger on the boat that blew up. +The woman passenger on the boat that blew up. Oh. +What about that camera? What camera? +What camera? That one -- from the wreck. You brought it up, did you look inside it? +Well, what the hell -- might be something worth seeing. Take it somewhere and see if there's film in it.... If there is, develop it! +If there is, develop it! You got it. +I know just where to go. Not the drugstore! +Not the drugstore! Of course not, They're closed. Phil Fogarty's place. He'll do it for me. +Of course not, They're closed. Phil Fogarty's place. He'll do it for me. The drugstore's closed? What the hell time is it? +The drugstore's closed? What the hell time is it? Nine-thirty, ten maybe. +Nine-thirty, ten maybe. Shit -- I'm late for dinner... Close up, okay? +Oh yeah -- I'm expecting a long distance call, very important. Give them my home phone. Right. +How long ago? About an hour, maybe two. Let's see -- I came on about eight.... +I can't let you take her out. You can't stop me. +Mike's out there. But I signed for the boat. You' re not authorized any more. +Untie that rope. Please. It's my job. +You're too close. Back off. Goddamnit, Hendricks, untie the rope there. +I'm going out there. Hey -- you can't do that. +About 10 degrees off your star- board bow, take a heading leeward of Sand Island, and lay her north by northeast.... Never mind that shit. Just point. +See where Cable Junction is? Look to the left. The lighthouse. That's it. Got it. +Where to? No place special. Just hanging out. +No place special. Just hanging out. Sailing? +I don't know about him -- I'm going down to the dock, maybe go sailing. Every day? +Every day? What else is there to do? +What else is there to do? You could work out at the beach, make a few bucks for school. +You could work out at the beach, make a few bucks for school. Do I have to? +Do I have to? You'll have to make up your own mind about that. +I'm going. What about tennis? Riding? fixing up old cars? Bartending? +What about tennis? Riding? fixing up old cars? Bartending? Bartending? I'm 17. +Bartending? I'm 17. Okay, not bartending. Why on the water every day? +Okay, not bartending. Why on the water every day? Because. +Because. Look, humor the old man -- just be careful. +Look, humor the old man -- just be careful. I'll be careful. I'll see y'later. +Don't go out if it's rough or any- thing, huh? We've had a lot of trouble. Okay, okay. +You stay here a minute. Oh, c'mon. +Oh, c'mon. You heard me. +Pop.... You stay right here. You're going in with me. +Is Hooper coming to dinner? Not till next year. +Michael. Yeah? +Yeah? You want to come here a minute? +I got something for you to do tomorrow. I kind of had plans.... +I kind of had plans.... Sailing? Forget it. You're beached. Grounded. No more boats. +Sailing? Forget it. You're beached. Grounded. No more boats. Hey, come on.... +Hey, come on.... No backtalk! I spoke to Upton, at the beach, and he's got a job for you there. You can work until school starts. +Mike? Is that you? Pop. I'm sorry. +Pop. I'm sorry. It's okay. What happened? +I passed out, but I'm okay. At least you're safe. What about the others? +Jesus, don't freeze on me. What about the others? Sean's still out there. +Sean's still out there. What? +Dad, I'm sorry.... Stay here. Don't go anywhere. Just stay here. +I don't know what you did, but that kid stopped. I haven't heard one peep, not one 'breaker breaker' for days. Believe me, it's a pleasure.... You said something about a camera. +You said something about a camera. Sure, sure -- Jeff Hendricks brought in this camera, see, from underwater, and I didn't know how to get it open, but my brother-in- law, in Montauk, he works at a hi- fi store, and they sell cameras, so he.... +Sure, sure -- Jeff Hendricks brought in this camera, see, from underwater, and I didn't know how to get it open, but my brother-in- law, in Montauk, he works at a hi- fi store, and they sell cameras, so he.... Did you get any pictures? +Did you get any pictures? Well, yeah, I did, that's the funny thing. You can't tell much from the negatives, I was going to blow 'em up. Here's a test I did.... +Not bad -- that's a real fast lens, probably 1.4. Look at the diffusion, though.... What else you got? +What else you got? Let's see -- you got a minute? +Let's see -- you got a minute? Come on, Phil, don't jerk me around. +Come on, Phil, don't jerk me around. Okay, okay -- stand over there.... +Fantastic lady. Don't know what I'd do without her. Me neither. +Me neither. Y'know, Brody -- for the first time in years it's worth putting money into this town. +Y'know, Brody -- for the first time in years it's worth putting money into this town. All of us thank you, okay? +May I have this dance? Sorry, I'm all booked up... Come, m'dear. +Wait a minute.... Too late, it's written. +Too late, it's written. Heck of a way to treat a taxpayer. Don't you have any pull with the chief, here? +Is Jeff Hendricks qualified to fill in as an interim Chief of Police in your absence? Temporarily? Uh...sure.... +It came up during the meeting. Look -- I just got this from Phil Fogarty. It was in the camera belonging to the missing divers. It proves I was right, all along. +What are you all, blind? It's a shark. Look -- teeth, jaw, gills. Is that what it is? +Is that what it is? You're damn right that's what it is. +What have you seen before? This is nothing. Seaweed. Mud. Some- thing in the lens. My ass! +There is nothing to discuss. Will you listen to this man? Will you just listen to him? You really caused a panic on a public beach, you shoot up the place, God knows who could've been injured -- what if somebody de- cides to sue us? That could ruin us. +Will you listen to this man? Will you just listen to him? You really caused a panic on a public beach, you shoot up the place, God knows who could've been injured -- what if somebody de- cides to sue us? That could ruin us. Is that what it is? Dollars? Money? I'll pay for it. Take it out of my salary. +Is that what it is? Dollars? Money? I'll pay for it. Take it out of my salary. You don't make enough. +You don't make enough. Maybe I don't make as much money as some bullshit rip-off artists around here, but I don't work the same way. +Maybe I don't make as much money as some bullshit rip-off artists around here, but I don't work the same way. What's that supposed to mean? +What's that supposed to mean? It means I don't like all that grab-ass and heavy breathing with my wife, it means I know who's out to screw me here, and it means that I know something none of you know because I've been there -- and I don't want to go through that horror again. Ever! +As soon as I heard about it, I called you. This thing is big! His arms indicate big. After we've looked, we'll talk. +Look at that: First things first. +Length, 22 feet, 8 inches. Come on, let's check the bite radius. +Come on, let's check the bite radius. The what? +The what? Bite radius. You know, the size of the mouth? +Bite radius. You know, the size of the mouth? The whale's mouth? +The whale's mouth? The Shark's mouth. +The Shark's mouth. What shark? +The shark that did this. It was a shark, wasn't it? We don't know that, do we? +We don't know that, do we? But that's what we're here to find out, right? +But that's what we're here to find out, right? You don't tell me my job, and I won't tell you about yours, okay? +Could be a shark. But maybe not. Look, I know a little bit about sharks. +Look, I know a little bit about sharks. Do you? +Do you? I know that this was probably a Great White Shark. Car-cadon... Caradan.... +Carcharadon Carcharias. That's it. +That's it. Okay, so that's it. +Okay, so that's it. Is there one in these waters? +Is there one in these waters? What makes you think there might be? +What makes you think there might be? Because this big fish has been bitten by some other big fish.... +Because this big fish has been bitten by some other big fish.... This is a mammal, not a fish. +This is a mammal, not a fish. Jesus, don't quibble with me. I want to know if a Great White Shark did this. +Jesus, don't quibble with me. I want to know if a Great White Shark did this. Probably. +Probably. That's it? Probably? Look, sharks are attracted by blood, and thrashing around.... +That's it? Probably? Look, sharks are attracted by blood, and thrashing around.... And sound. +And sound. Sound? +Sound? Sound. Like sonar, or radar. They home in on irregular sounds, unusual sounds, any rhythmic low- frequency vibration. +Sound. Like sonar, or radar. They home in on irregular sounds, unusual sounds, any rhythmic low- frequency vibration. So there's one around here. +So there's one around here. Not necessarily. These wounds could've been inflicted 30 miles out to sea, or more. None of them are immediately fatal. Currents could've carried the body 10 miles further. +It's either a Great White, or another killer whale. Can't you tell? +Can't you tell? Not when it's like this. This animal has been ashore for 10, 12 hours, and drifting for a day, at least. Every little nibbler in the sea's taken a bite. +Not when it's like this. This animal has been ashore for 10, 12 hours, and drifting for a day, at least. Every little nibbler in the sea's taken a bite. Look -- can Great White Sharks communicate? Send out signals, or something? You know, take revenge, sense an enemy.... +Look -- can Great White Sharks communicate? Send out signals, or something? You know, take revenge, sense an enemy.... Don't be ridiculous -- Sharks don't take things personally. +Where the hell were you? Late. +Late. I can see that. Don't you know this is a big deal? +Do I have to talk to those two? My boss and your boss. Sure. +Can you take a little time out from your busy schedule to dance with the old man? Why? +Why? Because they're playing our song. +Remember 1959, the Jersey shore? And how. I thought you wouldn't respect me. +And how. I thought you wouldn't respect me. I did, I did. +Listen -- what are you doing later? Fooling around? +Fooling around? Right. +Let's get the kid home. Home it is. +Mmmm. MMMmmmorning.... +Sean's awake. Door's locked. +Door's locked. Good. +Mrs. Silvera? Mrs. Silvera. +Need a ride? As far as the office. +Hey! That's my boss! Better yet. +You have to smoke so early in the morning? It's good with coffee. +It's good with coffee. So's a donut. +Eat Cheerios. What're you guys doing today? +Where's my day book? In the den. +Why don't you take a half day and clean this junk up? Because, I'm in the middle of a boating accident, I got only four regular cops and one secretary, and a Chief Deputy who is constantly fiddling with the police boat He's another one. +Because, I'm in the middle of a boating accident, I got only four regular cops and one secretary, and a Chief Deputy who is constantly fiddling with the police boat He's another one. One what? Ah-ha! +One what? Ah-ha! Boat nut. What is it about this place that makes everyone a freak for boating? +Boat nut. What is it about this place that makes everyone a freak for boating? It's an island. Got to run. +Thank you. I'll tell him. For me? +For me? Sort of -- Mathew Hooper is aboard the research vessel Aurora, presently in the Antarctic Ocean, and won't be in radio range until half-past next spring. +Sort of -- Mathew Hooper is aboard the research vessel Aurora, presently in the Antarctic Ocean, and won't be in radio range until half-past next spring. Damn. +Oh, hi -- How was dinner? Oh, perfect -- a 75 per cent family affair. Where were you? +Oh, perfect -- a 75 per cent family affair. Where were you? Santos' place. +Oww! Careful. What's wrong? +Careful. What's wrong? Nothing. +Nothing. Nothing, huh? +Nothing, huh? That's what I said. Is there any of that hand cleaner stuff? +That's what I said. Is there any of that hand cleaner stuff? Use the little brush there. Why were you at Santos'? +Use the little brush there. Why were you at Santos'? Found one of the missing victims from that boat deal. +Found one of the missing victims from that boat deal. Oh. Want to talk about it? +Oh. Want to talk about it? No. +No. Terrific. +All summer? He wanted a job, he's got one. I want to see that boat out of the water by tomorrow night. +I know what you're going to say. Do you? +Do you? In the city, it happened all the time -- some Kid o.d.'s on a rooftop, top, a drunk gets cut in pieces under the Brooklyn local, old people die alone in shitty apartments and three weeks later someone calls the cops because of the smell and the flies. Call the cops. What are we, immune? +In the city, it happened all the time -- some Kid o.d.'s on a rooftop, top, a drunk gets cut in pieces under the Brooklyn local, old people die alone in shitty apartments and three weeks later someone calls the cops because of the smell and the flies. Call the cops. What are we, immune? It was bad, wasn't it. +It was bad, wasn't it. The goddamn smell is always the same. +The goddamn smell is always the same. Are you going to be able to sleep? +Are you going to be able to sleep? Yeah. I think so. Mike! Keep it down, for chrissake! +Hi. I closed a sale today, without Len. That's $1200 commission, if the papers go through. That's great. +That's great. Sean's asleep. +Sean's asleep. That's great too. Gorgeous. +What's wrong? Ooohh, nothing. I just got fired, that's all. +What? What'd I say? +What'd I say? That you were fired. +That you were fired. Then that's what I meant. Fired. Canned. Out on my fanny. The Selectmen just made Hendricks the new Chief of Police. Just like that. +Then that's what I meant. Fired. Canned. Out on my fanny. The Selectmen just made Hendricks the new Chief of Police. Just like that. Because of today? The beach? +Because of today? The beach? No sweat. A blessing in disguise. Back to the city, you can go to Bloomingdale's without waiting six hours for the ferryboat...we're surrounded by water here, you realize that? Me, surrounded by water...Ridiculous. +No sweat. A blessing in disguise. Back to the city, you can go to Bloomingdale's without waiting six hours for the ferryboat...we're surrounded by water here, you realize that? Me, surrounded by water...Ridiculous. Stop that! We're not going any place. You love it here. Tell me what the hell happened! +Stop that! We're not going any place. You love it here. Tell me what the hell happened! Showed them the photo, showed them the goddamn Shark, big as life. They didn't see it. Not like me. Not like the poor son-of-a-bitch who snapped this li'l picture...He's out there, somewhere... I shot off my gun, shot off my big mouth, so they fired me.... +Showed them the photo, showed them the goddamn Shark, big as life. They didn't see it. Not like me. Not like the poor son-of-a-bitch who snapped this li'l picture...He's out there, somewhere... I shot off my gun, shot off my big mouth, so they fired me.... Honey, this is nothing...I don't know what it is. What did they.... +Honey, this is nothing...I don't know what it is. What did they.... ...Everybody wants the job. No one wants the authority. Except Hendricks. Fine. He can go out there in that precious boat, and when he looks whitey in his big mouth he can just call me. Call me in New York...tell him to kiss my ass.... +...Everybody wants the job. No one wants the authority. Except Hendricks. Fine. He can go out there in that precious boat, and when he looks whitey in his big mouth he can just call me. Call me in New York...tell him to kiss my ass.... They have no right to treat you like that. You've given them every- thing. For four years, you've protected this town, the people on this island.... +They have no right to treat you like that. You've given them every- thing. For four years, you've protected this town, the people on this island.... Fired me! I'm not a hysterical man. I'm responsible. I know what I saw.... +Fired me! I'm not a hysterical man. I'm responsible. I know what I saw.... I know you did.... +I know you did.... I try. Goddamnit, I tried...Now, I'm tired...I can't keep fighting it...I'm too tired...I'm...I'm.... +What're you going to do today? Turn in the car. Clean my desk, explain things to our sons, then maybe get shit-faced and punch your boss. +Turn in the car. Clean my desk, explain things to our sons, then maybe get shit-faced and punch your boss. I'll give notice. +I'll give notice. Don't rush into it -- we may need the income. +Hey -- it's not your job any more. I'm going to be late for work. Just one minute.... +What're you doing? Going out. +What is it? What's the matter? Mike's out there. +Hello, hello. It went well, I thought. Very impressive ceremony. Good speech. +Very impressive ceremony. Good speech. Thank you, thank you. You know my son, don't you? +I'm showing summer rentals. We got a helluva season going. We have got to talk, and we have got to talk alone. +We have got to talk, and we have got to talk alone. We're alone. +We're alone. Larry, I don't know how to say this, but I think we got a shark problem. A real one. +Are you serious? Of course. Look -- I've got some missing persons, fatalities, evidence of a large predator.... +Of course. Look -- I've got some missing persons, fatalities, evidence of a large predator.... No one has seen a shark -- no fin, no bites, nothing. Be realistic. +No one has seen a shark -- no fin, no bites, nothing. Be realistic. I got a feeling. I have to act on it -- you can understand that, can't you? +I got a feeling. I have to act on it -- you can understand that, can't you? Of course I can, but can't it wait? These things cost money, and this town doesn't have much money. +Of course I can, but can't it wait? These things cost money, and this town doesn't have much money. We have to do something. +We have to do something. We have done something -- hell, we damn near went broke putting up a shark watch tower on the beach -- it's the only one in 2000 miles, y'know. +We have done something -- hell, we damn near went broke putting up a shark watch tower on the beach -- it's the only one in 2000 miles, y'know. I know, I know.... +I know, I know.... And I stood by while you told the people from Ramada and Marriott that if they put up a hotel they'd need $800,000 worth of steel net around their beaches! In New England? We all lost on that one. +And I stood by while you told the people from Ramada and Marriott that if they put up a hotel they'd need $800,000 worth of steel net around their beaches! In New England? We all lost on that one. It's still a good idea. +It's still a good idea. Martin, when we build up our tax base a little, you can have every- thing you want; right now, the town's broke. +Martin, when we build up our tax base a little, you can have every- thing you want; right now, the town's broke. Please, Larry -- there's good reason. Those water skiers.... +Please, Larry -- there's good reason. Those water skiers.... A tragedy. But that was a boating accident; no bites, no sharks, nothing but a boating accident. +A tragedy. But that was a boating accident; no bites, no sharks, nothing but a boating accident. Two of them are still missing! +Two of them are still missing! There's always deaths in these waters that never turn up. Are they all shark victims? +There's always deaths in these waters that never turn up. Are they all shark victims? Maybe they are! +Bullshit. Bullshit? I'll give you bullshit -- there's a dead whale out there with bites all over it! +Bullshit? I'll give you bullshit -- there's a dead whale out there with bites all over it! What am I, an ass? When you called me, I called Elkins, and her bosses. Nothing she saw is proof of anything. +What am I, an ass? When you called me, I called Elkins, and her bosses. Nothing she saw is proof of anything. Someone has to do something. +Someone has to do something. Don't push it this time. If you do, it won't turn out the way you want, I guarantee you that. +Thank God you guys were all together. I got something for you. Proof! Martin, this is kind of an official meeting +Martin, this is kind of an official meeting Perfect. Look at this --- +Chief -- the Board of Selectmen has a question only you can answer. What? +Martin, it could be anything. What the hell does it take to make sense to you numbskulls? Jesus, it's right there in front of you. I know what a goddamn shark looks like, I've been through it, don't you understand? I've seen this sonofabitch before! +Martin, could you wait here for a few minutes while we make up our minds about something? Go ahead, whatever it's worth. +Affirmative. Can you get your chopper airborne? 10-4, in a few minutes. He's down checking a buoy in the Bay Channel. +10-4, in a few minutes. He's down checking a buoy in the Bay Channel. Get him the hell over to Amity Point, the old lighthouse. Right now. +Get him the hell over to Amity Point, the old lighthouse. Right now. What for? +What for? There's a bunch of Kids day-sailing that way. Turn them back to port. +There's a bunch of Kids day-sailing that way. Turn them back to port. That's it? +That's it? That's it. Just do it, all right? +That's it. Just do it, all right? 10-4, soon as I can raise him. +10-4, soon as I can raise him. If they're not at the light, look for them. I don't want them out there. Get them back to port! +If they're not at the light, look for them. I don't want them out there. Get them back to port! Affirmative, affirmative. Turn the Kids day-sailing back to port. I heard you. Patrol out. +Harbor Air, do you read? Over? Brody? This is Patrol Base. +Where the hell is Air One? That's what I'd like to know. Lost transmission at Cable Junction. +That's what I'd like to know. Lost transmission at Cable Junction. Did he raise the Kids? +Did he raise the Kids? Last transmission said ten juve- niles. +Last transmission said ten juve- niles. Yeah? Then what? +Yeah? Then what? Then nothing. If you see him, tell him to switch to an operational frequency, or give me a status report yourself. +Then nothing. If you see him, tell him to switch to an operational frequency, or give me a status report yourself. Did you say Cable Junction? +Did you say Cable Junction? That's what he said. +That's what he said. When? +When? 1530 hours. Might still be there. Base out. +Mom, Michael won't talk to me. Shouldn't he be at home? +Can I go swimming? No. Find your brother, okay? +Some people. What's daddy doing? +Can I go with you today? You stay with Mrs. Silvera, Tootsie. Okay? +Hi Dad. Hiya yourself. +Hang on! Dad! Dad! +Dad! Dad! I'm okay, baby, I'm here. It's okay.... +They made me go with them. Sure they did.... +Is that me? That's you. +That's you. I've never been supercargo. +The lighthouse is a make-out spot. Now I really want to see it. +Now I really want to see it. You going to fool around with Mike? Well, I'm not doing anything with him. +I told you, remember? Oh, yeah. So why aren't they doing it now? +What's wrong? Tide doesn't turn for three hours. +It killed her. It ate her. Shh. Shhh.... +We're going to die. It's all right, we're okay. +How old is your cousin? Seventeen. She's a senior. +Seventeen. She's a senior. I'm not crazy about blind dates. +My cousin will be here tomorrow. Great. +You're not going out right away, are you? Waiting for Andy. +Waiting for Andy. I want you to meet my cousin. +I want you to meet my cousin. I will, I will. +She just likes to tease. I think she really likes you. Great. +Mike! Are you going out? Maybe. +Did you ever see a dolphin? Sure. They like to play. We may see some today. +Sure. They like to play. We may see some today. Great! +Whoops, almost lost one. Can't play with the dolphins without skis.... Ready? +Ready? Hang on, hang on...Okay, go. +Terry! You okay? Help! Help! +Help! Help! Okay, okay, coming.... +Get a dance yet? Nope. +Nope. Me neither. +Me neither. Who'd you ask? +Who'd you ask? Tina Wilcox. +Tina Wilcox. You're crazy. She's Ed's girl friend. +You're crazy. She's Ed's girl friend. Doesn't hurt to ask. Sometimes the most beautiful girls are the loneliest. +Doesn't hurt to ask. Sometimes the most beautiful girls are the loneliest. That's a crock of shit. +That's a crock of shit. I know. +No class. None at all. I wonder what the Brebner twins are doing tomorrow night. +That's what I want -- a gaff rig. Gaff rigged? Why not a staysail schooner? Go anywhere. Look at this -- the Mayan, an Alden schooner. +Anyone know what time it is? 3:30. +Maybe it's gone. They tend to follow moving things. Maybe it's following Polo and Timmy. +By 7:46, when the tide turns around, we'll be twenty miles out. More, with this wind. Shut up. +Shut up. I can't stop thinking! +The wind drift is lateral. What's that mean? +What's that mean? Sideways - For every yard we go this way, we also slide sideways this way.... +Take a break for a minute, okay? Huh? +Eddie, can we do that? Can we go skiing? We can use my Uncle's boat. Eddie? Next week. +Next week. With you, everything's next week. I want to go skiing soon. Tomorrow? +Come on back up here! Nope. +Nope. Give me back my hat! +Give me back my hat! Double nope! +You want to tack, or just leave her pointed up like this? Just like this. +Just like this. What about sailing? +What about sailing? The tide's running. It'll take us to the light. +The tide's running. It'll take us to the light. It'll take us to Budapest if you're not careful. +What about the others? They'll be there when we get there. Might even have a fire started. +They'll be there when we get there. Might even have a fire started. What're we going to do in the mean time? +What're we going to do in the mean time? I dunno. We'll think of something. +But first, a little juice.... And second? +And second? Mmmmmm. +Mmmmmm. Wait a minute. Promise me something. +Wait a minute. Promise me something. Anything. Anything. +Anything. Anything. That you'll put down a blanket. I've got black and blue marks all over my butt, and my Mom's getting uptight about them. +That you'll put down a blanket. I've got black and blue marks all over my butt, and my Mom's getting uptight about them. You got it. +Right after, the Kids went out? What Kids? Who went out? +What Kids? Who went out? All of them. Mike, Junior Vaughn, Brookie Peters, Pat, Lucy -- all that whole gang. +All of them. Mike, Junior Vaughn, Brookie Peters, Pat, Lucy -- all that whole gang. Mike? Our Mike? +Mike? Our Mike? Yep. Looked like they were headed to the lighthouse. +Mrs. Brody, look -- if he can't go, then you can't go. Neither of you can go. I'm going. +Hurry, please. What the hell, they can't fire both of us -- someone's got to be in charge, right? Which way are we going? +Be careful.... Anything? +Rich or poor, it's nice to have money. Figure they split? +Figure they split? Happens every season -- someone takes off. Once we had a schooner for a month while the owners went fox hunting. +How much longer? Until we find something. +Until we find something. I don't care about the overtime, I'm hungry. And cold. And most of all, bored. +About damn time. What the hell is it? +What is it? Power line. +Power line. Oh, great. +It comes here from Cable Junction. Untangle it and let's go -- We don't need a blackout on the island. +Untangle it and let's go -- We don't need a blackout on the island. Now you're talking. Let's get out of here before we do find something. +What's the lighthouse? It's an island, near here, with a lighthouse. We sometimes hang out there, you know.... +It's an island, near here, with a lighthouse. We sometimes hang out there, you know.... Great. I got some wine. +Too hot tor those two? I can't believe it. Is there something I don't know about? +We'll be over by the lighthouse. I'll be right there. Wait up. +I'd like to go out to the light- house with you. I'm not sure I can. +I'm not sure I can. It'll be fun, come on! +It'll be fun, come on! Maybe you and Brooke could come over to the town beach.... +Maybe you and Brooke could come over to the town beach.... No way. Everybody's going sailing. If you don't want to take me, just say so. +No way. Everybody's going sailing. If you don't want to take me, just say so. That's not it. My dad told me not to go. +That's not it. My dad told me not to go. You do everything your parents tell you? +You do everything your parents tell you? No. +No. Good. I'll be on the dock at eight. Eight o'clock, everybody! +I thought you were grounded. I can go out if I want to. +That's fun! Let's race for some- thing! Name it. +I don't care. I love it. +What's wrong? We're fighting wind and current. I though we'd be out longer, catch the incoming tide. +Faster! Faster! Coming about.... +Mike and Larry are racing! Loser goes home alone! If we beat them, they can both go home stag! Single-O! Alone! Jackie can come back in this boat! +If we beat them, they can both go home stag! Single-O! Alone! Jackie can come back in this boat! What about me? +What about me? Uh. Well. Maybe you could give Polo a hand going in.... +Uh. Well. Maybe you could give Polo a hand going in.... Your ass I will. Besides, the wind's turning with the tide. Sailing back is going to be a bitch. +Heading back? Might as well. +He's got to help or it won't work. Sean, baby, please.... +I don't think she's such hot stuff. When are we going out? You and me? +When are we going out? You and me? Not tonight. +Not tonight. You going with Patrick? +Who wouldn't. Anyone want to go the lighthouse? +They're turning around. Coming about, then. +I don't need you. Andy's here. You always go with Andy. +You always go with Andy. How was dive class? +Do I have to play with the little kids? Yeah. Go on, beat it. +I want Fruit Loops! Eat Cheerios. +Eat Cheerios. You eat Cheerios. I want Fruit Loops. +You're going out. Yeah. +Yeah. You're going sailing. +You're going sailing. Maybe. +Maybe. Take me. +Take me. No. +No. I want to go with you! +I want to go with you! Quiet! Shhh! +Quiet! Shhh! Michael.... +Michael.... Okay, okay. Close your door. +Look -- if you're going to get in the way, you can just go home. I'm not in the way. Andy, am I in the way? +Yeah. Would you take him? +And if you have any questions about recreational possibilities, Ellen Brody here will be happy to answer them. Len, can I see you a minute? +I think we got a couple of live ones. Brody's riding his tower. +Brody's riding his tower. Oh, shit. +Wave to my son. How the hell do we get him down. from there? +How the hell do we get him down. from there? Maybe nobody will notice. Let's get them back in the bus. +Oh, my God.... What the hell is he doing? +You should've been out there. You should've seen him waving that gun, like a maniac. There were shots fired! He thought he had a good reason. +Larry, I'm a businessman, trying to make a buck like anybody else. So? So? +So? So? So it can't be done like that. The man's a menace, plain and simple. +So it can't be done like that. The man's a menace, plain and simple. Look, what am I supposed to do? It's done, it's over. We have to deal with the consequences. +Be reasonable, please.... Forget it, he won't listen. +We're ready for you. I have to walk him till the drug wears off. +Why don't you take a rest, Brian? I'm only walking him. You caught him. You have to be exhausted. +I'm only walking him. You caught him. You have to be exhausted. Go on, you're tired. +Go on, you're tired. No, I'm fine, thanks. +It hasn't adjusted. Get the hose! We've got to force more water through the gills and oxygenate him! +Don't feel bad. Okay... Have them get it out of the tank. +Go on, Doctor. No one's ever caught a Great White except indirectly in fishing nets. I want to dart it and keep it alive. +No one's ever caught a Great White except indirectly in fishing nets. I want to dart it and keep it alive. It would make a marvelous attraction; the only Great White in captivity. +It would make a marvelous attraction; the only Great White in captivity. I can get it. +Absolutely. Good idea. With those camera lights and... +With those camera lights and... He's going with you, Doctor. +He's going with you, Doctor. No, it will be too much distraction. I don't want that many people in the water. I'll go in, give it a belly shot, and get out. +No, it will be too much distraction. I don't want that many people in the water. I'll go in, give it a belly shot, and get out. And Philip will be there to film it. Now that's the end of it! +I don't understand. Overman's too good a diver to disappear. Have you checked the bars? The guy's irresponsible; he's done this before. +I'll need more men to look. Can't help you, Mike. Don't have the manpower. +Can't help you, Mike. Don't have the manpower. We're going to have to cover the entire lagoon. +We're going to have to cover the entire lagoon. I know, but you're just going to have to find another way. So you better start. +What you're saying is we have a Great White shark in the lagoon. And a missing man. +What's your plan, Brody? It's easy. Put a net on the derrick. Put the net in the water by the intake passage. Turn off the intake passage. Shark comes out into the net and is hauled up. +It's Miller time! You buying? +You buying? Sure am. +Sure am. Coming with us? Overman's buying. +You see the three-quarter socket? Yeah. Down there. +Yeah. Down there. Shit. +Aren't you suiting up, mate? No. +No. Well, don't worry about your fiancee. We'll watch over her. +Well, don't worry about your fiancee. We'll watch over her. She can take care of herself. She doesn't need you. +She can take care of herself. She doesn't need you. Never know down there. Helps to have a friend, sometimes. +Never know down there. Helps to have a friend, sometimes. How many sharks have you killed? +How many sharks have you killed? Me? I don't know. Twenty, thirty. I love them, think they're the greatest. +Thank you. Want another one? +Well, not much longer to go. What is it, 97 days? +What is it, 97 days? Till this opens, not our wedding. +Till this opens, not our wedding. Hope I make it through both. +Hope I make it through both. You will. I'll see to it. +Look, Kathryn. They're jealous. They're acting very strange suddenly. +They're acting very strange suddenly. Pre-opening jitters. +Pre-opening jitters. I guess. +Damn it. I can't understand! I gotta go, hon. Don't forget you have your brother. +Don't forget you have your brother. Yeah. +Yeah. See you later. +That macho pompous English -- Don't let him get you. Just continue your patterns and pretend he's not around. +Don't let him get you. Just continue your patterns and pretend he's not around. My imagination isn't that good. +My imagination isn't that good. Honey, I gotta go. +Honey, I gotta go. Okay, bye. +You called, Doctor? Everything's going wrong. I'm having more trouble with Bobby than I ever have before. I can't get him to respond. +Everything's going wrong. I'm having more trouble with Bobby than I ever have before. I can't get him to respond. How come? +How come? I don't know. I can't understand it. Something's bothering them. +I don't know. I can't understand it. Something's bothering them. And what else is bothering you? +And what else is bothering you? ... Hutton. He really pisses me off. +... Hutton. He really pisses me off. Yeah, you really don't like him. +Yeah, you really don't like him. I don't like what he does. +I don't like what he does. It's his work. +It's his work. He doesn't need the money. He inherited a fortune. He kills for kicks. TV battles between non-predator fish and divers. The diver always wins. +He doesn't need the money. He inherited a fortune. He kills for kicks. TV battles between non-predator fish and divers. The diver always wins. Okay, forget him now. I'm going to pick up Sean. Take a ride? +Okay, forget him now. I'm going to pick up Sean. Take a ride? I can't leave now. We taking Sean out? +I can't leave now. We taking Sean out? Sure. Want to try that new Italian place? +Sure. Want to try that new Italian place? No, you don't need all that starch. You're getting too fat. +No, you don't need all that starch. You're getting too fat. Not enough loving. +Not enough loving. Get out of here! +They're coming with us? We play hide and seek all the time. They find a lot of things. +Where's the rubber band? Look, Michael... you don't have to come. +Look, Michael... you don't have to come. I don't have a choice. +What do I do now? Take a deep breath and hold it. +Take a deep breath and hold it. That's cute, Kathryn. Real cute. +That's cute, Kathryn. Real cute. Just put your mask on. +Honey... you all right? No. +No. Are you scared? +Are you scared? Yes. +Damn it! Hi, baby. +Hi, baby. Baby goddamn scared me to death! +Baby goddamn scared me to death! They just wanted to say hello. +They just wanted to say hello. ... Friggin' fish. +Let's head to the gate and work our way back. That's a lot of ground to cover. +That's a lot of ground to cover. I know, I built it. I've just never seen it this way. +It's romantic down here. Oh, yeah. Very. +Oh, yeah. Very. You know, on our honeymoon, we should go scuba diving. +You know, on our honeymoon, we should go scuba diving. Let's not talk about that now, okay? +What's wrong? Nothing. +... If nothing's wrong, why are we stopping here? ... Electrical connection malfunctioning. +... Electrical connection malfunctioning. You sound like Houston Mission Control. What the hell does it mean? +You sound like Houston Mission Control. What the hell does it mean? That we swim. +That we swim. Swim where? Out there? Oh, no, forget it, not me! You go, I'm staying. +Swim where? Out there? Oh, no, forget it, not me! You go, I'm staying. Michael, the sub's dead. +Michael, the sub's dead. Yeah, and so will I be if I start swimming in that blackass jungle. +Yeah, and so will I be if I start swimming in that blackass jungle. Okay, stay. We'll come back for you. +Where are you going? Up. +Up. And leave me down here??? +And leave me down here??? Make up your mind. +Make up your mind. What mind? If I had a mind, I'd never have let you talk me into this. +What mind? If I had a mind, I'd never have let you talk me into this. I talked you into this? +I talked you into this? I'd have fallen in love with a pilot or a mountain climber. +I'd have fallen in love with a pilot or a mountain climber. Are you coming...? +Are you coming...? No, I don't want to leave now. I'm having too good a time... Of course I'm coming! You'd think you're gonna leave me? +You would, wouldn't you? I'd end up whale shit, you wouldn't care. Get your reserve bottle and let's go. +You all right? I think so. I'm not sure... Are you? +I think so. I'm not sure... Are you? I'm okay. +Michael... It's all right, baby. We're safe... +How the hell did it get in here? God, they're horrible. I hate them. Did you see its eyes? How black they are? The look in them? +God, they're horrible. I hate them. Did you see its eyes? How black they are? The look in them? Don't think about it. It's over. +Don't think about it. It's over. It's never over... Here comes another six years of bad dreams. +You're going down there again? Yes. +Yes. After what happened to us? +After what happened to us? I know I can capture it. +I know I can capture it. Kathryn, you're crazy. Really crazy. A suicidal maniac. +Oh, yeah. Really nice. Who's your designer? Sassoon Shark? I got it on sale. A real steel. +I got it on sale. A real steel. Here. +Here. What's that? +What's that? Bracelets. +Fine piece of engineering. Should protect you a little, from the compression. If that thing gets ahold of you. +Should protect you a little, from the compression. If that thing gets ahold of you. Thank you. +Kathryn... Yes? +Wouldn't this whole thing be a little safer in the daytime? It's easier to lure sharks at night. +It's easier to lure sharks at night. Why? 'Cause they're hungrier? +Change your mind? No. +No. You amaze me. I'm more scared than you. +You amaze me. I'm more scared than you. No, you're not. +I can use a shot of what he's got. ... Me, too. +After this has opened, when everything's settled down, you and I are going away. Just the two of us. No dolphins, no sharks, no whales, no penguins. Just you and me. Sounds wonderful. +Sounds wonderful. We'll go to Palm Springs, Death Valley, Arizona desert, anyplace where there's no water. +You want me to stay? Get some sleep. And tell Sean I'm sorry. +Get some sleep. And tell Sean I'm sorry. Sean, that's right... +Finally. How's your patient? +How's your patient? Recovering nicely. +Recovering nicely. Me, too. +Mmmm... you smell good. You don't. +You don't. It's my new perfume. Great White, the Man-Eater. +They said you'd be here. What's up? +What's up? I need more pressure in the shark tank. +I need more pressure in the shark tank. Okay. +Okay. I want to make sure the White is getting enough flow. Would you do that for me? +I want to make sure the White is getting enough flow. Would you do that for me? Sure. Let's go. +No, we'll go through here. ... Mean through the tubes? +... Mean through the tubes? Yes. It's faster. +Yes. It's faster. No, I'm not going through there. +No, I'm not going through there. Michael, come on, don't be silly. This is the quickest way. You're not going to walk all the way around? +Michael, come on, don't be silly. This is the quickest way. You're not going to walk all the way around? I'm not going to walk through that shark arcade. +I'm not going to walk through that shark arcade. They're not going to hurt you. They're encased in plastic. +They're not going to hurt you. They're encased in plastic. I don't want to see them, Kathryn. +I don't want to see them, Kathryn. Michael, I don't have time. Please! It's time you dealt with this and got over it. Now come on! +Calvin wants me to move the White for tomorrow. ... He ought to put him in here. +... He ought to put him in here. It's too soon to move him. +It's too soon to move him. So tell Calvin. +So tell Calvin. I did. He wants it on exhibit. +I did. He wants it on exhibit. Well, that's why you got it. +Honey, what is it? Hydrophobia... +Hydrophobia... Michael, take deep breaths. +Michael, take deep breaths. I have to get out of here. +I have to get out of here. Come on. +Come on. I can't take water, Kathryn. +I can't take water, Kathryn. Yes, you can. +Yes, you can. I can't! My dad had it, and I don't know if you can inherit it or what, but I got it, and I hate it. I can't stand it! +Put it under your pillow and sleep on it and the tooth fairy will -- It's a shark's tooth! +It's a shark's tooth! So? +So? It was removed from Charlie Overman's body. +What's the big deal? A shark got Overman, and we got the shark. That's just it, Michael. We don't! +That's just it, Michael. We don't! What do you mean, we don't? +What do you mean, we don't? This tooth is from another shark. A shark that could be 30 feet long! +This tooth is from another shark. A shark that could be 30 feet long! Thirty feet??? +That's what I've come to ask you. Is there any large place that has a strong current of water flowing? I don't understand. +What did you just say before? About water flowing through them? That's why they're always moving. They have to have it. +That's why they're always moving. They have to have it. You wanted to know about a cave? +Somebody better get down there! It's all controlled from the Control Room. +Come on! You two go! I'll call Calvin! +How is he? Couple of fractures, lacerations. They say he's gonna be all right. +Couple of fractures, lacerations. They say he's gonna be all right. ... I have to go, honey. Phillip and I are going down together to kill the shark. +... I have to go, honey. Phillip and I are going down together to kill the shark. ... Okay. +That's right. Who's going to do it? +Who's going to do it? Me. +Me. Michael, you're not going down there. +Michael, you're not going down there. I am. You're not. +I am. You're not. But you -- +But you -- It's a construction job. I'm the only one that can do it. +Michael, you don't have to go down there. I want that shark, Kathryn. +I want that shark, Kathryn. You don't have to prove anything. +You don't have to prove anything. Only to myself. +Are you okay? I'm fine. +Go where? On the telly. We're to film him for the evening news. +On the telly. We're to film him for the evening news. Nobody told me. +Nobody told me. I just did. Can you make them do tricks? +I just did. Can you make them do tricks? They're not tricks. They're behavior patterns. +They're not tricks. They're behavior patterns. Fine. Have them do some. +Fine. Have them do some. I don't know. They're nervous and skittish right now. +I don't know. They're nervous and skittish right now. Yes, aren't we all. +Okay now. Have Flipper flip or something. Make this quick! +It's no use. They won't come into the lagoon. Well then, can you have them jump to the camera over here? +Well then, can you have them jump to the camera over here? Wait a minute. These aren't kangaroos, Mr. Hutton. They're dolphins. +Wait a minute. These aren't kangaroos, Mr. Hutton. They're dolphins. I thought they were clever. +I thought they were clever. I can have them walk backwards. +I can have them walk backwards. No, no. That won't do. +No, no. That won't do. I told you, something's upset them. +I told you, something's upset them. Well, I have to get this into the networks. If you can't do it, you can't do it, that's all. +Well, I have to get this into the networks. If you can't do it, you can't do it, that's all. I'm sorry. +I'm sorry. Well, we'll just try again, dear. Keep working on it. Maybe you'll get it one of these years. Pack up, boys. Flipper's a flop. +Unhappy combination. Most likely one's inside the other. Sharks are man-biters, Mister Hutton. Not man-eaters -- +Sharks are man-biters, Mister Hutton. Not man-eaters -- That's a load of codswopple. A Great White doesn't fear man. It doesn't fear beast. It's an orgy of food and blood. From 5ef52642dfe45c6b6e9ef7b4f4b7a12c7f4d093d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Chip Nguyen Date: Mon, 2 Dec 2019 14:03:51 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 010/138] wip Signed-off-by: Chip Nguyen --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 78 ++++----- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py | 33 ++-- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 163 +++++++++--------- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 48 ++++-- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py | 2 - nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 36 ++-- 6 files changed, 196 insertions(+), 164 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index acc8a87d246c..3a0195ec9eef 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -641,17 +641,19 @@ def create_ports(): }), "tgt_ids": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(TimeTag), - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), # number of slots + 2: AxisType(TimeTag) + }), "tgt_lens": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) # number of slots }), "gating_labels": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - }) + }), + 'turn_domain': NeuralType(None) } return {}, output_ports @@ -668,33 +670,28 @@ def __init__(self, 'domains': domains, 'mode': mode} super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - print('before dataloader') self._dataloader = pt_data.DataLoader(dataset=self._dataset, batch_size=batch_size, shuffle=False, collate_fn=self._collate_fn) - print('after dataloader') self.pad_id = self._dataset.vocab.pad_id def _collate_fn(self, data): """ data is a list of batch_size sample each sample is a dictionary of features """ - def merge(sequences): + def pad_batch_context(sequences): ''' merge from batch * sent_len to batch * max_len ''' lengths = [len(seq) for seq in sequences] max_len = 1 if max(lengths) == 0 else max(lengths) - padded_seqs = torch.ones(len(sequences), max_len).long() for i, seq in enumerate(sequences): - end = lengths[i] - padded_seqs[i, :end] = seq[:end] - # padded_seqs = padded_seqs.detach() # torch.tensor(padded_seqs) - return padded_seqs, lengths + sequences[i] = seq + [1] * (max_len - len(seq)) + return torch.tensor(sequences), torch.tensor(lengths) - def merge_multi_response(sequences): + def pad_batch_response(sequences, pad_id): ''' merge from batch * nb_slot * slot_len to batch * nb_slot * max_slot_len ''' @@ -707,50 +704,35 @@ def merge_multi_response(sequences): for bsz_seq in sequences: pad_seq = [] for v in bsz_seq: - v = v + [PAD_token] * (max_len-len(v)) + v = v + [pad_id] * (max_len - len(v)) pad_seq.append(v) padded_seqs.append(pad_seq) padded_seqs = torch.tensor(padded_seqs) lengths = torch.tensor(lengths) - print(padded_seqs.shape) - print(lengths.shape) return padded_seqs, lengths - # sort a list by sequence length (descending order) to use pack_padded_sequence - print(len(data)) - print(data) - data.sort(key=lambda x: len(x['context']), reverse=True) + """ sort the lengths for pack_padded_sequence, otherwise this error + `lengths` array must be sorted in decreasing order when + `enforce_sorted` is True + """ + data.sort(key=lambda x: len(x['context_ids']), reverse=True) item_info = {} - for key in data[0].keys(): - item_info[key] = [d[key] for d in data] + for key in data[0]: + item_info[key] = [item[key] for item in data] # merge sequences - src_seqs, src_lengths = merge(item_info['context']) - y_seqs, y_lengths = merge_multi_response(item_info["generate_y"]) - gating_label = torch.tensor(item_info["gating_label"]) - turn_domain = torch.tensor(item_info["turn_domain"]) - - if USE_CUDA: - src_seqs = src_seqs.cuda() - gating_label = gating_label.cuda() - turn_domain = turn_domain.cuda() - y_seqs = y_seqs.cuda() - y_lengths = y_lengths.cuda() - - item_info["context"] = src_seqs - item_info["context_len"] = src_lengths - item_info["gating_label"] = gating_label - item_info["turn_domain"] = turn_domain - item_info["generate_y"] = y_seqs - item_info["y_lengths"] = y_lengths - (item['ID'], - item['turn_id'], - item['turn_belief'], - item['gating_label'], - item['context_ids'], - item['turn_domain'], - item['responses']) - return item_info + src_ids, src_lens = pad_batch_context(item_info['context_ids']) + tgt_ids, tgt_lens = pad_batch_response(item_info['responses'], + self._dataset.vocab.pad_id) + gating_label = torch.tensor(item_info['gating_label']) + turn_domain = torch.tensor(item_info['turn_domain']) + + return (src_ids.to(self._device), + src_lens.to(self._device), + tgt_ids.to(self._device), + tgt_lens.to(self._device), + gating_label.to(self._device), + turn_domain.to(self._device)) @property def dataset(self): diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py index f1aae7e67c6f..e6dd79d8921d 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py @@ -69,11 +69,21 @@ class WOZDSTDataset(Dataset): def __init__(self, data_dir, domains, + all_domains={'attraction': 0, + 'restaurant': 1, + 'taxi': 2, + 'train': 3, + 'hotel': 4, + 'hospital': 5, + 'bus': 6, + 'police': 7}, mode='train'): + print(f'Processing {mode} data') self.data_dir = data_dir self.mode = mode self.gating_dict = {'ptr': 0, 'dontcare': 1, 'none': 2} self.domains = domains + self.all_domains = all_domains self.vocab, self.mem_vocab = Vocab(), Vocab() ontology_file = open(f'{self.data_dir}/ontology.json', 'r') @@ -82,8 +92,8 @@ def __init__(self, self.get_slots() self.get_vocab() self.features, self.max_len = self.get_features() - print(vars(self).keys()) - print('One feature', self.features[0]) + print('TO DELETE: 1 feature') + print(self.features[0]) def get_vocab(self): self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' @@ -112,7 +122,6 @@ def get_slots(self): else k.lower() for k in used_domains] def create_vocab(self): - print('Creating vocab from train files') self.vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') self.mem_vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') @@ -218,15 +227,15 @@ def __getitem__(self, idx): y_ids = [self.vocab.tokens2ids(y.split() + [self.vocab.eos]) for y in item['responses']] item['responses'] = y_ids - item['turn_domain'] = self.domains[item['turn_domain']] - - return (item['ID'], - item['turn_id'], - item['turn_belief'], - item['gating_label'], - item['context_ids'], - item['turn_domain'], - item['responses']) + item['turn_domain'] = self.all_domains[item['turn_domain']] + + return {'dialog_id': item['ID'], + 'turn_id': item['turn_id'], + 'turn_belief': item['turn_belief'], + 'gating_label': item['gating_label'], + 'context_ids': item['context_ids'], + 'turn_domain': item['turn_domain'], + 'responses': item['responses']} def fix_general_label_error(labels, slots): diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index e9024c464a38..db4571b0ee80 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -1,9 +1,12 @@ __all__ = ['DSTGenerator', 'DSTMaskedCrossEntropy'] +import random + import numpy as np import torch from torch import nn as nn +import torch.nn.functional as F import nemo from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import TrainableNM, LossNM @@ -28,22 +31,21 @@ def create_ports(): 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) }), - 'input_lengths': NeuralType({ - 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - }), - 'story': NeuralType({ + 'input_lens': NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) }), - 'max_res_len': NeuralType({ + 'src_ids': NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag) }), + # 'tgt_lens': NeuralType({ + # 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + # 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + # }), 'targets': NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(TimeTag), - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag), - + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), # the number of slots + 2: AxisType(TimeTag) }), } @@ -69,14 +71,17 @@ def __init__(self, dropout, slots, nb_gate, - batch_size=16, + # batch_size=16, teacher_forcing=0.5): super().__init__() self.vocab_size = len(vocab) self.vocab = vocab self.embedding = embeddings self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - self.gru = nn.GRU(hid_size, hid_size, dropout=dropout) + self.rnn = nn.GRU(hid_size, + hid_size, + dropout=dropout, + batch_first=True) self.nb_gate = nb_gate self.hidden_size = hid_size self.w_ratio = nn.Linear(3 * hid_size, 1) @@ -84,114 +89,116 @@ def __init__(self, self.softmax = nn.Softmax(dim=1) self.sigmoid = nn.Sigmoid() self.slots = slots + self.teacher_forcing = teacher_forcing # Create independent slot embeddings - self.slot_w2i = {} - for slot in self.slots: - if slot.split("-")[0] not in self.slot_w2i.keys(): - self.slot_w2i[slot.split("-")[0]] = len(self.slot_w2i) - if slot.split("-")[1] not in self.slot_w2i.keys(): - self.slot_w2i[slot.split("-")[1]] = len(self.slot_w2i) + self._slots_split_to_index() self.slot_emb = nn.Embedding(len(self.slot_w2i), hid_size) self.slot_emb.weight.data.normal_(0, 0.1) - self.batch_size = batch_size + # self.batch_size = batch_size + self.to(self._device) + + def _slots_split_to_index(self): + split_slots = [slot.split('-') for slot in self.slots] + domains = [split_slot[0] for split_slot in split_slots] + slots = [split_slot[1] for split_slot in split_slots] + split_slots = list(set(sum(split_slots, []))) + self.slot_w2i = {split_slots[i]: i for i in range(len(split_slots))} + self.domain_idx = torch.tensor( + [self.slot_w2i[domain] for domain in domains]).to(self._device) + self.subslot_idx = torch.tensor( + [self.slot_w2i[slot] for slot in slots]).to(self._device) def forward(self, encoder_hidden, encoder_outputs, input_lens, - story, - max_res_len, + src_ids, targets): + # encoder_hidden is batch_size x num_layers x hid_size + # need domain + slot emb to be of the same size + # domain emb + slot emb is batch_size x num_slots x slot_emb_dim + # print('encoder_hidden', encoder_hidden.shape) if (not self.training) \ or (random.random() <= self.teacher_forcing): use_teacher_forcing = False else: use_teacher_forcing = True - batch_size = self.batch_size - all_point_outputs = torch.zeros(len(self.slots), - batch_size, + max_res_len = targets.shape[2] + batch_size = encoder_hidden.shape[0] + + all_point_outputs = torch.zeros(batch_size, + len(self.slots), max_res_len, self.vocab_size) - all_gate_outputs = torch.zeros(len(self.slots), - batch_size, + all_gate_outputs = torch.zeros(batch_size, + len(self.slots), self.nb_gate) all_point_outputs = all_point_outputs.to(self._device) all_gate_outputs = all_gate_outputs.to(self._device) - # Get the slot embedding - slot_emb_dict = {} - for i, slot in enumerate(self.slots): - # Domain embbeding - if slot.split("-")[0] in self.slot_w2i.keys(): - domain_w2idx = [self.slot_w2i[slot.split("-")[0]]] - domain_w2idx = torch.tensor(domain_w2idx) - domain_w2idx = domain_w2idx.to(self._device) - domain_emb = self.slot_emb(domain_w2idx) - # Slot embbeding - if slot.split("-")[1] in self.slot_w2i.keys(): - slot_w2idx = [self.slot_w2i[slot.split("-")[1]]] - slot_w2idx = torch.tensor(slot_w2idx) - slot_w2idx = slot_w2idx.to(self._device) - slot_emb = self.slot_emb(slot_w2idx) - - # Combine two embeddings as one query - combined_emb = domain_emb + slot_emb - slot_emb_dict[slot] = combined_emb - slot_emb_exp = combined_emb.expand_as(encoder_hidden) - if i == 0: - slot_emb_arr = slot_emb_exp.clone() - else: - slot_emb_arr = torch.cat((slot_emb_arr, slot_emb_exp), dim=0) - - # Compute pointer-generator output, - # puting all (domain, slot) in one batch - decoder_input = self.dropout(slot_emb_arr).view(-1, self.hidden_size) - # (batch*|slot|) * emb - hidden = encoder_hidden.repeat(1, len(self.slots), 1) + domain_emb = self.slot_emb(self.domain_idx).to(self._device) + subslot_emb = self.slot_emb(self.subslot_idx).to(self._device) + slot_emb = domain_emb + subslot_emb # 30 x 400 + slot_emb = slot_emb[None, :] # 1 x 30 x 400 + slot_emb = slot_emb.repeat(batch_size, 1, 1) # 16 x 30 x 400 + slot_emb = self.dropout( + slot_emb).view(-1, self.hidden_size) # 480 x 400 + # print('encoder_hidden', encoder_hidden.shape) # 16 x 1 x 400 + hidden = encoder_hidden.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) + # print('hidden', hidden.shape) # 480 x 1 x 400 + hidden = hidden.transpose(0, 1) # 1 x 480 x 400 # 1 * (batch*|slot|) * emb - + print('TO DELETE max_res_len', max_res_len) + print('slot_emb', slot_emb.shape) + print('hidden', hidden.shape) for wi in range(max_res_len): - dec_state, hidden = self.gru( - decoder_input.expand_as(hidden), hidden) - + dec_state, hidden = self.rnn(slot_emb.unsqueeze(1), + hidden) enc_out = encoder_outputs.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) enc_len = input_lens * len(self.slots) - context_vec, logits, prob = self.attend( - enc_out, hidden.squeeze(0), enc_len) + context_vec, logits, prob = self.attend(enc_out, + hidden.squeeze(0), + # 480 x 400 + enc_len) if wi == 0: - all_gate_outputs = torch.reshape( - self.w_gate(context_vec), all_gate_outputs.size()) + all_gate_outputs = torch.reshape(self.w_gate(context_vec), + all_gate_outputs.size()) - p_vocab = self.attend_vocab( - self.embedding.weight, hidden.squeeze(0)) + p_vocab = self.attend_vocab(self.embedding.weight, + hidden.squeeze(0)) + slot_emb = slot_emb.squeeze(1) p_gen_vec = torch.cat( - [dec_state.squeeze(0), context_vec, decoder_input], -1) + [dec_state.squeeze(1), context_vec, slot_emb], -1) vocab_pointer_switches = self.sigmoid(self.w_ratio(p_gen_vec)) p_context_ptr = torch.zeros(p_vocab.size()) p_context_ptr = p_context_ptr.to(self._device) - p_context_ptr.scatter_add_( - 1, story.repeat(len(self.slots), 1), prob) + p_context_ptr.scatter_add_(1, + src_ids.repeat(len(self.slots), 1), + prob) final_p_vocab = (1 - vocab_pointer_switches).expand_as(p_context_ptr) * p_context_ptr + \ vocab_pointer_switches.expand_as(p_context_ptr) * p_vocab pred_word = torch.argmax(final_p_vocab, dim=1) - words = [self.lang.index2word[w_idx.item()] + words = [self.vocab.idx2word[w_idx.item()] for w_idx in pred_word] all_point_outputs[:, :, wi, :] = torch.reshape( - final_p_vocab, (len(self.slots), batch_size, self.vocab_size)) - - if use_teacher_forcing: - decoder_input = self.embedding(torch.flatten( - targets[:, :, wi].transpose(1, 0))) + final_p_vocab, + (batch_size, len(self.slots), self.vocab_size)) + + if use_teacher_forcing or True: + slot_emb = self.embedding(torch.flatten(targets[:, :, wi])) + # targets[:, wi, :].transpose(1, 0))) + # print('targets[:, wi, :]', targets[:, wi, :].shape) + # print('torch.flatten(targets[:, wi, :]', torch.flatten(targets[:, wi, :]).shape) else: - decoder_input = self.embedding(pred_word) + slot_emb = self.embedding(pred_word) - decoder_input = decoder_input.to(self._device) + slot_emb = slot_emb.to(self._device) return all_point_outputs, all_gate_outputs @@ -233,8 +240,8 @@ def create_ports(): }), "targets": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(TimeTag), - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), + 2: AxisType(TimeTag) }), "mask": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 8696d2216fc2..c5b28beb5472 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -6,6 +6,8 @@ import argparse import os +import numpy as np + import nemo from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import EncoderRNN from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy @@ -20,13 +22,13 @@ parser.add_argument("--num_gpus", default=1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_epochs", default=10, type=int) parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.1, type=float) -parser.add_argument("--lr", default=2e-5, type=float) +parser.add_argument("--lr", default=0.001, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default="WarmupAnnealing", type=str) parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.01, type=float) parser.add_argument("--emb_dim", default=400, type=int) parser.add_argument("--hid_dim", default=400, type=int) parser.add_argument("--n_layers", default=1, type=int) -parser.add_argument("--dropout", default=0.1, type=float) +parser.add_argument("--dropout", default=0.2, type=float) parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/dialog/multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--dataset_name", default='multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--train_file_prefix", default='train', type=str) @@ -79,8 +81,9 @@ DOMAINS, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode='train') -src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gating_labels = data_layer() +src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gating_labels, turn_domain = data_layer() vocab_size = len(data_layer._dataset.vocab) +steps_per_epoch = len(data_layer) // args.batch_size encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, args.emb_dim, @@ -88,7 +91,7 @@ args.dropout, args.n_layers) -outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids, input_lengths=src_lens) +outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids, input_lens=src_lens) decoder = nemo_nlp.DSTGenerator(data_layer._dataset.vocab, encoder.embedding, @@ -96,10 +99,20 @@ args.dropout, data_layer._dataset.slots, len(data_layer._dataset.gating_dict), - batch_size=args.batch_size, + # batch_size=args.batch_size, teacher_forcing=0.5) -point_outputs, gate_outputs = decoder(outputs, hidden) +point_outputs, gate_outputs = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, + encoder_outputs=outputs, + input_lens=src_lens, + src_ids=src_ids, + targets=tgt_ids) + +eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, + DOMAINS, + batch_size=args.batch_size, + mode='val') +eval_data_layer() # gate_loss_fn = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.CrossEntropyLoss() ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() @@ -108,13 +121,26 @@ targets=tgt_ids, mask=tgt_lens) -eval_tensors = [point_outputs, gate_outputs] -steps_per_epoch = 1 +eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, + DOMAINS, + batch_size=args.batch_size, + mode='val') +eval_src_ids, eval_src_lens, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens, eval_gating_labels, eval_turn_domain = eval_data_layer() +outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=eval_src_ids, input_lens=eval_src_lens) +eval_point_outputs, eval_gate_outputs = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, + encoder_outputs=outputs, + input_lens=eval_src_lens, + src_ids=eval_src_ids, + targets=eval_tgt_ids) +eval_loss = ptr_loss_fn(logits=eval_point_outputs, + targets=eval_tgt_ids, + mask=eval_tgt_lens) +eval_tensors = [eval_loss, eval_point_outputs, eval_gate_outputs] # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=[train_loss], - print_func=lambda x: str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3)), + print_func=lambda x: print('Loss:', str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3))), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]]], step_freq=steps_per_epoch) @@ -122,8 +148,8 @@ eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_tensors, - user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback( - x, y, data_layer), + print_func=lambda x: print('Loss:', str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3))), + user_iter_callback=None, user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( x, f'{nf.work_dir}/graphs'), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py index f0a34668036d..6c5088cbdd2f 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py @@ -184,9 +184,7 @@ def is_in_degree_zero(node, processed_nodes): # Create top_sorted_modules aka callchain top_sorted_modules = [] - print('TO DELETE _top_sorted_modules', _top_sorted_modules) for i, m in enumerate(_top_sorted_modules): - print('module', i, m[0]) top_sorted_modules.append((m[0], dict(m[1]), m[2])) # Ensure that there is only one dataset in callchain if i > 0 and isinstance(m[0], DataLayerNM): diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 19ae2f10f78a..c9510666f75e 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -20,6 +20,9 @@ class EncoderRNN(TrainableNM): """ Simple RNN-based encoder using GRU cells + Args: + sum_hidden (bool): sum the hidden from both direction if True + otherwise concatenate """ @staticmethod @@ -29,7 +32,7 @@ def create_ports(): 0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag) }), - 'input_lengths': NeuralType({ + 'input_lens': NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), }, optional=True) } @@ -54,7 +57,8 @@ def __init__(self, dropout, n_layers=1, pad_idx=1, - embedding_to_load=None): + embedding_to_load=None, + sum_hidden=True): super().__init__() self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) self.embedding = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) @@ -68,21 +72,21 @@ def __init__(self, batch_first=True, dropout=dropout, bidirectional=True) + self.sum_hidden = sum_hidden self.to(self._device) - def forward(self, inputs, input_lengths=None): - print('TO DELETE inputs', inputs) + def forward(self, inputs, input_lens=None): embedded = self.embedding(inputs) embedded = self.dropout(embedded) - if input_lengths is not None: + if input_lens is not None: embedded = nn.utils.rnn.pack_padded_sequence(embedded, - input_lengths, + input_lens, batch_first=True) outputs, hidden = self.rnn(embedded) # outputs of shape (seq_len, batch, num_directions * hidden_size) # hidden of shape (num_layers * num_directions, batch, hidden_size) - if input_lengths is not None: + if input_lens is not None: outputs, _ = nn.utils.rnn.pad_packed_sequence(outputs, batch_first=True) else: @@ -96,9 +100,15 @@ def forward(self, inputs, input_lengths=None): 2 if self.rnn.bidirectional else 1, batch_size, self.rnn.hidden_size) - hidden = hidden.tranpose(2, 0).tranpose(1, 2) - hidden = hidden.reshape(batch_size, self.rnn.num_layers, -1) - # hidden is now of shape (batch, seq_len, num_directions * hidden_size) + hidden = hidden.transpose(2, 0).transpose(1, 2) + # hidden shape: batch x num_layer x num_directions x hidden_size + if self.sum_hidden and self.rnn.bidirectional: + hidden = hidden[:, :, 0, :] + hidden[:, :, 1, :] + outputs = outputs[:, :, :self.rnn.hidden_size] + \ + outputs[:, :, self.rnn.hidden_size:] + else: + hidden = hidden.reshape(batch_size, self.rnn.num_layers, -1) + # hidden is now of shape (batch, num_layer, [num_directions] * hidden_size) return outputs, hidden @@ -213,9 +223,9 @@ def forward(self, targets, encoder_outputs=None): or (random.random() <= self.teacher_forcing): # Fast option # Removing last char (dont need to calculate loss) and add bos # noinspection PyTypeChecker - decoder_inputs = F.pad( - targets[:, :-1], (1, 0), value=self.bos_id - ) # BT + decoder_inputs = F.pad(targets[:, :-1], + (1, 0), + value=self.bos_id) # BT log_probs, _, attention_weights = \ self.forward_step(decoder_inputs, encoder_outputs) else: From f9563af93eabf91de97739c6cf64da467d2a3a09 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Chip Nguyen Date: Fri, 13 Dec 2019 11:42:08 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 011/138] still bugs in dst dataset Signed-off-by: Chip Nguyen --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py | 1 - .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 3 - .../nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py | 107 ++++-------------- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 28 +++-- 4 files changed, 36 insertions(+), 103 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py index e6dd79d8921d..9a90e21007b5 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py @@ -92,7 +92,6 @@ def __init__(self, self.get_slots() self.get_vocab() self.features, self.max_len = self.get_features() - print('TO DELETE: 1 feature') print(self.features[0]) def get_vocab(self): diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index db4571b0ee80..1766a7277414 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -150,9 +150,6 @@ def forward(self, # print('hidden', hidden.shape) # 480 x 1 x 400 hidden = hidden.transpose(0, 1) # 1 x 480 x 400 # 1 * (batch*|slot|) * emb - print('TO DELETE max_res_len', max_res_len) - print('slot_emb', slot_emb.shape) - print('hidden', hidden.shape) for wi in range(max_res_len): dec_state, hidden = self.rnn(slot_emb.unsqueeze(1), hidden) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py index 71d794f15033..6cefdc54cf5c 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py @@ -19,54 +19,26 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars, eval_data_layer): - if "all_intent_preds" not in global_vars.keys(): - global_vars["all_intent_preds"] = [] - if "all_intent_labels" not in global_vars.keys(): - global_vars["all_intent_labels"] = [] - if "all_slot_preds" not in global_vars.keys(): - global_vars["all_slot_preds"] = [] - if "all_slot_labels" not in global_vars.keys(): - global_vars["all_slot_labels"] = [] - if "all_subtokens_mask" not in global_vars.keys(): - global_vars["all_subtokens_mask"] = [] + # print(tensors) + # print(global_vars) + if 'loss' not in global_vars: + global_vars['loss'] = [] + if 'point_outputs' not in global_vars: + global_vars['point_outputs'] = [] + if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: + global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] + if 'gating_labels' not in global_vars: + global_vars['gating_labels'] = [] + if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: + global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] - all_intent_logits, all_intent_labels = [], [] - all_slot_logits, all_slot_labels = [], [] - all_subtokens_mask = [] for kv, v in tensors.items(): - if kv.startswith('intent_logits'): - for v_tensor in v: - for logit_tensor in v_tensor: - all_intent_logits.append(tensor2list(logit_tensor)) - - if kv.startswith('intents'): - for v_tensor in v: - for label_tensor in v_tensor: - all_intent_labels.append(tensor2list(label_tensor)) - - if kv.startswith('slot_logits'): - for v_tensor in v: - for logit_tensor in v_tensor: - all_slot_logits.append(tensor2list(logit_tensor)) - - if kv.startswith('slots'): - for v_tensor in v: - for label_tensor in v_tensor: - all_slot_labels.extend(tensor2list(label_tensor)) - - if kv.startswith('subtokens_mask'): - for v_tensor in v: - for subtokens_mask_tensor in v_tensor: - all_subtokens_mask.extend( - tensor2list(subtokens_mask_tensor)) - - all_intent_preds = list(np.argmax(np.asarray(all_intent_logits), 1)) - all_slot_preds = list(np.argmax(np.asarray(all_slot_logits), 2).flatten()) - global_vars["all_intent_preds"].extend(all_intent_preds) - global_vars["all_intent_labels"].extend(all_intent_labels) - global_vars["all_slot_preds"].extend(all_slot_preds) - global_vars["all_slot_labels"].extend(all_slot_labels) - global_vars["all_subtokens_mask"].extend(all_subtokens_mask) + if kv.startswith('loss'): + global_vars['loss'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) + if kv.startswith('point_outputs'): + global_vars['point_outputs'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) + if kv.startswith('gate_outputs'): + global_vars['gate_outputs'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) def list2str(l): @@ -74,44 +46,5 @@ def list2str(l): def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold): - intent_labels = np.asarray(global_vars['all_intent_labels']) - intent_preds = np.asarray(global_vars['all_intent_preds']) - - slot_labels = np.asarray(global_vars['all_slot_labels']) - slot_preds = np.asarray(global_vars['all_slot_preds']) - subtokens_mask = np.asarray(global_vars['all_subtokens_mask']) - - slot_labels = slot_labels[subtokens_mask] - slot_preds = slot_preds[subtokens_mask] - - i = 0 - if intent_preds.shape[0] > 21: - i = random.randint(0, intent_preds.shape[0] - 21) - logger.info("Sampled i_preds: [%s]" % list2str(intent_preds[i:i+20])) - logger.info("Sampled intents: [%s]" % list2str(intent_labels[i:i+20])) - logger.info("Sampled s_preds: [%s]" % list2str(slot_preds[i:i+20])) - logger.info("Sampled slots: [%s]" % list2str(slot_labels[i:i+20])) - cm = confusion_matrix(intent_labels, intent_preds) - fig = plt.figure() - ax = fig.add_subplot(111) - cax = ax.matshow(cm) - plt.title('Confusion matrix of the classifier') - fig.colorbar(cax) - plt.xlabel('Predicted') - plt.ylabel('True') - os.makedirs(graph_fold, exist_ok=True) - plt.savefig(os.path.join(graph_fold, time.strftime('%Y%m%d-%H%M%S'))) - - logger.info('Intent prediction results') - correct_preds = sum(intent_labels == intent_preds) - intent_accuracy = correct_preds / intent_labels.shape[0] - logger.info(f'Intent accuracy: {intent_accuracy}') - logger.info(classification_report(intent_labels, intent_preds)) - - logger.info('Slot prediction results') - slot_accuracy = sum(slot_labels == slot_preds) / slot_labels.shape[0] - logger.info(f'Slot accuracy: {slot_accuracy}') - logger.info(classification_report(slot_labels, slot_preds)) - - return dict({'intent_accuracy': intent_accuracy, - 'slot_accuracy': slot_accuracy}) + print(global_vars['loss']) + return {} diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index c5b28beb5472..3ea4ca6a0539 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -12,6 +12,9 @@ from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import EncoderRNN from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy import nemo_nlp +from nemo_nlp.utils.callbacks.trade_dst import \ + eval_iter_callback, eval_epochs_done_callback + parser = argparse.ArgumentParser( description='TRADE for MultiWOZ 2.1 dialog state tracking') @@ -81,7 +84,7 @@ DOMAINS, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode='train') -src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gating_labels, turn_domain = data_layer() +src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gate_labels, turn_domain = data_layer() vocab_size = len(data_layer._dataset.vocab) steps_per_epoch = len(data_layer) // args.batch_size @@ -99,7 +102,6 @@ args.dropout, data_layer._dataset.slots, len(data_layer._dataset.gating_dict), - # batch_size=args.batch_size, teacher_forcing=0.5) point_outputs, gate_outputs = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, @@ -125,17 +127,19 @@ DOMAINS, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode='val') -eval_src_ids, eval_src_lens, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens, eval_gating_labels, eval_turn_domain = eval_data_layer() +(eval_src_ids, eval_src_lens, eval_tgt_ids, + eval_tgt_lens, eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain) = eval_data_layer() outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=eval_src_ids, input_lens=eval_src_lens) eval_point_outputs, eval_gate_outputs = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, - encoder_outputs=outputs, - input_lens=eval_src_lens, - src_ids=eval_src_ids, - targets=eval_tgt_ids) + encoder_outputs=outputs, + input_lens=eval_src_lens, + src_ids=eval_src_ids, + targets=eval_tgt_ids) eval_loss = ptr_loss_fn(logits=eval_point_outputs, - targets=eval_tgt_ids, - mask=eval_tgt_lens) -eval_tensors = [eval_loss, eval_point_outputs, eval_gate_outputs] + targets=eval_tgt_ids, + mask=eval_tgt_lens) +eval_tensors = [eval_loss, eval_point_outputs, eval_gate_outputs, + eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain] # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( @@ -148,8 +152,8 @@ eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_tensors, - print_func=lambda x: print('Loss:', str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3))), - user_iter_callback=None, + user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback( + x, y, data_layer), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( x, f'{nf.work_dir}/graphs'), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, From 614997735b6f7d91a7578c2c446502ed06c73145 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 16 Dec 2019 17:42:05 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 012/138] Updated field names. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py | 8 ++++---- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 6 +++--- 2 files changed, 7 insertions(+), 7 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py index 9a90e21007b5..3d5853b568dc 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py @@ -155,7 +155,7 @@ def create_vocab(self): pickle.dump(self.mem_vocab, handle) def get_features(self): - filename = f'{self.data_dir}/{self.mode}_dialogs.json' + filename = f'{self.data_dir}/{self.mode}_dials.json' print(f'Reading from {filename}') dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) @@ -172,8 +172,8 @@ def get_features(self): domain_count[domain] = 0 domain_count[domain] += 1 - for turn in dialog_dict['dialog']: - turn_uttr = turn['sys_transcript'] + ' ; ' + turn['transcript'] + for turn in dialog_dict['dialogue']: + turn_uttr = turn['system_transcript'] + ' ; ' + turn['transcript'] turn_uttr = turn_uttr.strip() dialog_histories.append(turn_uttr) turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], @@ -196,7 +196,7 @@ def get_features(self): gating_slot = 'none' gating_label.append(self.gating_dict[gating_slot]) - sample = {'ID': dialog_dict['dialog_idx'], + sample = {'ID': dialog_dict['dialogue_idx'], 'domains': dialog_dict['domains'], 'turn_domain': turn['domain'], 'turn_id': turn['turn_idx'], diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 3ea4ca6a0539..127fda75448a 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--hid_dim", default=400, type=int) parser.add_argument("--n_layers", default=1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--dropout", default=0.2, type=float) -parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/dialog/multiwoz', type=str) +parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/statetracking/multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--dataset_name", default='multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--train_file_prefix", default='train', type=str) parser.add_argument("--eval_file_prefix", default='test', type=str) @@ -113,7 +113,7 @@ eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, batch_size=args.batch_size, - mode='val') + mode='dev') eval_data_layer() # gate_loss_fn = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.CrossEntropyLoss() ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() @@ -126,7 +126,7 @@ eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, batch_size=args.batch_size, - mode='val') + mode='dev') (eval_src_ids, eval_src_lens, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens, eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain) = eval_data_layer() outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=eval_src_ids, input_lens=eval_src_lens) From 23a781fcdc8e17467028e2cd9e012e31af0d0f57 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 18 Dec 2019 15:38:35 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 013/138] Fixed data layer bugs and indentations. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 52 ++--- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py | 72 ++++--- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/utils.py | 2 + .../nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py | 203 +++++++++++++++--- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 24 +-- 5 files changed, 263 insertions(+), 90 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index 082b465b75f7..d30a4b0fc4c8 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -271,20 +271,20 @@ def create_ports(): input_ports = {} output_ports = { "input_ids": - NeuralType({ - 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - }), + NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + }), "input_mask": - NeuralType({ - 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - }), + NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + }), "labels": - NeuralType({ - 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - }) + NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + }) } return input_ports, output_ports @@ -350,7 +350,6 @@ def __init__(self, use_cache=False, dataset_type=BertTokenClassificationDataset, **kwargs): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size dataset_params = {'text_file': text_file, 'label_file': label_file, @@ -591,15 +590,15 @@ def data_iterator(self): for f_id in range(self.num_files): data_file = self.files[f_id] train_data = BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataset( - input_file=data_file, - max_pred_length=self.max_pred_length) + input_file=data_file, + max_pred_length=self.max_pred_length) train_sampler = pt_data.RandomSampler(train_data) train_dataloader = pt_data.DataLoader( - dataset=train_data, - batch_size=self.batch_size, - collate_fn=self._collate_fn, - shuffle=train_sampler is None, - sampler=train_sampler) + dataset=train_data, + batch_size=self.batch_size, + collate_fn=self._collate_fn, + shuffle=train_sampler is None, + sampler=train_sampler) for x in train_dataloader: yield x @@ -756,7 +755,6 @@ def __init__(self, batch_size=64, dataset_type=GLUEDataset, **kwargs): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size dataset_params = {'data_dir': data_dir, 'output_mode': 'classification', @@ -814,7 +812,6 @@ def __init__(self, batch_size=64, dataset_type=GLUEDataset, **kwargs): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size dataset_params = {'data_dir': data_dir, 'output_mode': 'regression', @@ -841,9 +838,9 @@ def create_ports(): }), "tgt_ids": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), # number of slots + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), # number of slots 2: AxisType(TimeTag) - + }), "tgt_lens": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), @@ -860,6 +857,7 @@ def create_ports(): def __init__(self, data_dir, domains, + num_samples=-1, batch_size=16, mode='train', dataset_type=WOZDSTDataset, @@ -868,6 +866,7 @@ def __init__(self, kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size dataset_params = {'data_dir': data_dir, 'domains': domains, + 'num_samples': num_samples, 'mode': mode} super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) @@ -881,9 +880,10 @@ def _collate_fn(self, data): """ data is a list of batch_size sample each sample is a dictionary of features """ + def pad_batch_context(sequences): ''' - merge from batch * sent_len to batch * max_len + merge from batch * sent_len to batch * max_len ''' lengths = [len(seq) for seq in sequences] max_len = 1 if max(lengths) == 0 else max(lengths) @@ -922,7 +922,7 @@ def pad_batch_response(sequences, pad_id): # merge sequences src_ids, src_lens = pad_batch_context(item_info['context_ids']) - tgt_ids, tgt_lens = pad_batch_response(item_info['responses'], + tgt_ids, tgt_lens = pad_batch_response(item_info['responses_ids'], self._dataset.vocab.pad_id) gating_label = torch.tensor(item_info['gating_label']) turn_domain = torch.tensor(item_info['turn_domain']) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py index 3d5853b568dc..f000fbff8ac8 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py @@ -69,6 +69,8 @@ class WOZDSTDataset(Dataset): def __init__(self, data_dir, domains, + mode, + num_samples=-1, all_domains={'attraction': 0, 'restaurant': 1, 'taxi': 2, @@ -76,8 +78,8 @@ def __init__(self, 'hotel': 4, 'hospital': 5, 'bus': 6, - 'police': 7}, - mode='train'): + 'police': 7}): + print(f'Processing {mode} data') self.data_dir = data_dir self.mode = mode @@ -91,8 +93,8 @@ def __init__(self, self.get_slots() self.get_vocab() - self.features, self.max_len = self.get_features() - print(self.features[0]) + self.features, self.max_len = self.get_features(num_samples) + print("Sample 0: " + str(self.features[0])) def get_vocab(self): self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' @@ -144,7 +146,7 @@ def create_vocab(self): lengths.append(max_value_len) max_value_len = max(lengths) - if f'f{max_value_len-1}' not in self.mem_vocab.word2idx: + if f'f{max_value_len - 1}' not in self.mem_vocab.word2idx: for time_i in range(max_value_len): self.mem_vocab.add_words(f't{time_i}', 'utterance') @@ -154,7 +156,11 @@ def create_vocab(self): with open(self.mem_vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: pickle.dump(self.mem_vocab, handle) - def get_features(self): + def get_features(self, num_samples): + + if num_samples == 0: + raise ValueError("num_samples has to be positive", num_samples) + filename = f'{self.data_dir}/{self.mode}_dials.json' print(f'Reading from {filename}') dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) @@ -164,6 +170,9 @@ def get_features(self): max_resp_len, max_value_len = 0, 0 for dialog_dict in dialogs: + if num_samples > 0 and len(data) >= num_samples: + break + dialog_histories = [] for domain in dialog_dict['domains']: if domain not in self.domains: @@ -173,14 +182,16 @@ def get_features(self): domain_count[domain] += 1 for turn in dialog_dict['dialogue']: + if num_samples > 0 and len(data) >= num_samples: + break + turn_uttr = turn['system_transcript'] + ' ; ' + turn['transcript'] turn_uttr = turn_uttr.strip() dialog_histories.append(turn_uttr) turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], self.slots) - turn_belief_list = [f'{k}-{v}' - for k, v in turn_beliefs.items()] + turn_belief_list = [f'{k}-{v}' for k, v in turn_beliefs.items()] gating_label, responses = [], [] @@ -190,7 +201,7 @@ def get_features(self): gating_slot = 'ptr' if slot in turn_beliefs: - responses.append(turn_beliefs[slot]) + responses.append(str(turn_beliefs[slot])) else: responses.append('none') gating_slot = 'none' @@ -205,6 +216,12 @@ def get_features(self): 'gating_label': gating_label, 'turn_uttr': turn_uttr, 'responses': responses} + + sample['context_ids'] = self.vocab.tokens2ids(sample['dialog_history'].split()) + sample['responses_ids'] = [self.vocab.tokens2ids(y.split() + [self.vocab.eos]) + for y in sample['responses']] + sample['turn_domain'] = self.all_domains[sample['turn_domain']] + data.append(sample) resp_len = len(sample['dialog_history'].split()) @@ -220,13 +237,20 @@ def __len__(self): def __getitem__(self, idx): item = self.features[idx] - context_ids = self.vocab.tokens2ids(item['dialog_history'].split()) - # feature['context_ids'] = torch.Tensor(context_ids) - item['context_ids'] = context_ids - y_ids = [self.vocab.tokens2ids(y.split() + [self.vocab.eos]) - for y in item['responses']] - item['responses'] = y_ids - item['turn_domain'] = self.all_domains[item['turn_domain']] + # context_ids = self.vocab.tokens2ids(item['dialog_history'].split()) + # # feature['context_ids'] = torch.Tensor(context_ids) + # item['context_ids'] = context_ids + # + # # TODO: Edited + # #print(item['responses']) + # try: + # y_ids = [self.vocab.tokens2ids(y.split() + [self.vocab.eos]) + # for y in item['responses']] + # except: + # print(item['responses'], idx) + # + # item['responses'] = y_ids + # item['turn_domain'] = self.all_domains[item['turn_domain']] return {'dialog_id': item['ID'], 'turn_id': item['turn_id'], @@ -234,7 +258,7 @@ def __getitem__(self, idx): 'gating_label': item['gating_label'], 'context_ids': item['context_ids'], 'turn_domain': item['turn_domain'], - 'responses': item['responses']} + 'responses_ids': item['responses_ids']} def fix_general_label_error(labels, slots): @@ -288,7 +312,7 @@ def fix_general_label_error(labels, slots): "monda": "monday", # parking "free parking": - "free", + "free", # internet "free internet": "yes", # star @@ -329,11 +353,11 @@ def fix_general_label_error(labels, slots): # miss match slot and value if (slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in hotel_ranges) or \ - (slot == "hotel-internet" and label_dict[slot] == "4") or \ - (slot == "hotel-pricerange" and label_dict[slot] == "2") or \ - (slot == "attraction-type" and - label_dict[slot] in locations) or \ - ("area" in slot and label_dict[slot] in ["moderate"]) or \ + (slot == "hotel-internet" and label_dict[slot] == "4") or \ + (slot == "hotel-pricerange" and label_dict[slot] == "2") or \ + (slot == "attraction-type" and + label_dict[slot] in locations) or \ + ("area" in slot and label_dict[slot] in ["moderate"]) or \ ("day" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "t"): label_dict[slot] = "none" elif slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in detailed_hotels: @@ -360,7 +384,7 @@ def fix_general_label_error(labels, slots): # some out-of-define classification slot values if (slot == "restaurant-area" and label_dict[slot] in areas) or \ (slot == "attraction-area" and - label_dict[slot] in attr_areas): + label_dict[slot] in attr_areas): label_dict[slot] = "none" return label_dict diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/utils.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/utils.py index 59e1c1cf6df9..50f1daa2a6be 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/utils.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/utils.py @@ -78,6 +78,8 @@ def clean_src_and_target(src_ids, def remove_punctuation_from_sentence(sentence): + import re + import string sentence = re.sub('[' + string.punctuation + ']', '', sentence) sentence = sentence.lower() return sentence diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py index 6cefdc54cf5c..eca93f85483d 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py @@ -12,39 +12,190 @@ from nemo.utils.exp_logging import get_logger - logger = get_logger('') def eval_iter_callback(tensors, - global_vars, - eval_data_layer): - # print(tensors) - # print(global_vars) - if 'loss' not in global_vars: - global_vars['loss'] = [] - if 'point_outputs' not in global_vars: - global_vars['point_outputs'] = [] - if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: - global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] - if 'gating_labels' not in global_vars: - global_vars['gating_labels'] = [] - if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: - global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] - - for kv, v in tensors.items(): - if kv.startswith('loss'): - global_vars['loss'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) - if kv.startswith('point_outputs'): - global_vars['point_outputs'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) - if kv.startswith('gate_outputs'): - global_vars['gate_outputs'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) + global_vars, + eval_data_layer): + # print(tensors) + # print(global_vars) + if 'loss' not in global_vars: + global_vars['loss'] = [] + if 'point_outputs' not in global_vars: + global_vars['point_outputs'] = [] + if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: + global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] + if 'gating_labels' not in global_vars: + global_vars['gating_labels'] = [] + if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: + global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] + + for kv, v in tensors.items(): + if kv.startswith('loss'): + global_vars['loss'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) + if kv.startswith('point_outputs'): + global_vars['point_outputs'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) + if kv.startswith('gate_outputs'): + global_vars['gate_outputs'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) def list2str(l): - return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) + return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold): - print(global_vars['loss']) - return {} + print(global_vars['loss']) + return {} + + +def evaluate(self, dev, matric_best, slot_temp, early_stop=None): + # Set to not-training mode to disable dropout + self.encoder.train(False) + self.decoder.train(False) + print("STARTING EVALUATION") + all_prediction = {} + inverse_unpoint_slot = dict([(v, k) for k, v in self.gating_dict.items()]) + pbar = tqdm(enumerate(dev), total=len(dev)) + for j, data_dev in pbar: + # Encode and Decode + batch_size = len(data_dev['context_len']) + _, gates, words, class_words = self.encode_and_decode(data_dev, False, slot_temp) + + for bi in range(batch_size): + if data_dev["ID"][bi] not in all_prediction.keys(): + all_prediction[data_dev["ID"][bi]] = {} + all_prediction[data_dev["ID"][bi]][data_dev["turn_id"][bi]] = {"turn_belief": data_dev["turn_belief"][bi]} + predict_belief_bsz_ptr, predict_belief_bsz_class = [], [] + gate = torch.argmax(gates.transpose(0, 1)[bi], dim=1) + + # pointer-generator results + if args["use_gate"]: + for si, sg in enumerate(gate): + if sg == self.gating_dict["none"]: + continue + elif sg == self.gating_dict["ptr"]: + pred = np.transpose(words[si])[bi] + st = [] + for e in pred: + if e == 'EOS': + break + else: + st.append(e) + st = " ".join(st) + if st == "none": + continue + else: + predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + str(st)) + else: + predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + inverse_unpoint_slot[sg.item()]) + else: + for si, _ in enumerate(gate): + pred = np.transpose(words[si])[bi] + st = [] + for e in pred: + if e == 'EOS': + break + else: + st.append(e) + st = " ".join(st) + if st == "none": + continue + else: + predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + str(st)) + + all_prediction[data_dev["ID"][bi]][data_dev["turn_id"][bi]]["pred_bs_ptr"] = predict_belief_bsz_ptr + + if set(data_dev["turn_belief"][bi]) != set(predict_belief_bsz_ptr) and args["genSample"]: + print("True", set(data_dev["turn_belief"][bi])) + print("Pred", set(predict_belief_bsz_ptr), "\n") + + if args["genSample"]: + json.dump(all_prediction, open("all_prediction_{}.json".format(self.name), 'w'), indent=4) + + joint_acc_score_ptr, F1_score_ptr, turn_acc_score_ptr = self.evaluate_metrics(all_prediction, "pred_bs_ptr", slot_temp) + + evaluation_metrics = {"Joint Acc": joint_acc_score_ptr, "Turn Acc": turn_acc_score_ptr, "Joint F1": F1_score_ptr} + print(evaluation_metrics) + + # Set back to training mode + self.encoder.train(True) + self.decoder.train(True) + + joint_acc_score = joint_acc_score_ptr # (joint_acc_score_ptr + joint_acc_score_class)/2 + F1_score = F1_score_ptr + + if (early_stop == 'F1'): + if (F1_score >= matric_best): + self.save_model('ENTF1-{:.4f}'.format(F1_score)) + print("MODEL SAVED") + return F1_score + else: + if (joint_acc_score >= matric_best): + self.save_model('ACC-{:.4f}'.format(joint_acc_score)) + print("MODEL SAVED") + return joint_acc_score + + +def evaluate_metrics(all_prediction, from_which, slot_temp): + total, turn_acc, joint_acc, F1_pred, F1_count = 0, 0, 0, 0, 0 + for d, v in all_prediction.items(): + for t in range(len(v)): + cv = v[t] + if set(cv["turn_belief"]) == set(cv[from_which]): + joint_acc += 1 + total += 1 + + # Compute prediction slot accuracy + temp_acc = compute_acc(set(cv["turn_belief"]), set(cv[from_which]), slot_temp) + turn_acc += temp_acc + + # Compute prediction joint F1 score + temp_f1, temp_r, temp_p, count = compute_prf(set(cv["turn_belief"]), set(cv[from_which])) + F1_pred += temp_f1 + F1_count += count + + joint_acc_score = joint_acc / float(total) if total != 0 else 0 + turn_acc_score = turn_acc / float(total) if total != 0 else 0 + F1_score = F1_pred / float(F1_count) if F1_count != 0 else 0 + return joint_acc_score, F1_score, turn_acc_score + + +def compute_acc(gold, pred, slot_temp): + miss_gold = 0 + miss_slot = [] + for g in gold: + if g not in pred: + miss_gold += 1 + miss_slot.append(g.rsplit("-", 1)[0]) + wrong_pred = 0 + for p in pred: + if p not in gold and p.rsplit("-", 1)[0] not in miss_slot: + wrong_pred += 1 + ACC_TOTAL = len(slot_temp) + ACC = len(slot_temp) - miss_gold - wrong_pred + ACC = ACC / float(ACC_TOTAL) + return ACC + + +def compute_prf(gold, pred): + TP, FP, FN = 0, 0, 0 + if len(gold) != 0: + count = 1 + for g in gold: + if g in pred: + TP += 1 + else: + FN += 1 + for p in pred: + if p not in gold: + FP += 1 + precision = TP / float(TP + FP) if (TP + FP) != 0 else 0 + recall = TP / float(TP + FN) if (TP + FN) != 0 else 0 + F1 = 2 * precision * recall / float(precision + recall) if (precision + recall) != 0 else 0 + else: + if len(pred) == 0: + precision, recall, F1, count = 1, 1, 1, 1 + else: + precision, recall, F1, count = 0, 0, 0, 1 + return F1, recall, precision, count diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 127fda75448a..416eefa9a580 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -1,8 +1,8 @@ -""" An implentation of the paper "Transferable Multi-Domain State Generator +""" An implementation of the paper "Transferable Multi-Domain State Generator for Task-Oriented Dialogue Systems" (Wu et al., 2019) - - +Adopted from: https://github.com/jasonwu0731/trade-dst """ + import argparse import os @@ -15,12 +15,11 @@ from nemo_nlp.utils.callbacks.trade_dst import \ eval_iter_callback, eval_epochs_done_callback - parser = argparse.ArgumentParser( description='TRADE for MultiWOZ 2.1 dialog state tracking') parser.add_argument("--local_rank", default=None, type=int) parser.add_argument("--batch_size", default=16, type=int) -parser.add_argument("--eval_batch_size", default=24, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--eval_batch_size", default=16, type=int) parser.add_argument("--max_seq_length", default=50, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_gpus", default=1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_epochs", default=10, type=int) @@ -44,9 +43,10 @@ parser.add_argument("--optimizer_kind", default="adam", type=str) parser.add_argument("--amp_opt_level", default="O0", type=str, choices=["O0", "O1", "O2"]) -parser.add_argument("--do_lower_case", action='store_false') -parser.add_argument("--shuffle_data", action='store_false') - +parser.add_argument("--do_lower_case", action='store_true') +parser.add_argument("--shuffle_data", action='store_true') +parser.add_argument("--num_train_samples", default=-1, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--num_eval_samples", default=-1, type=int) # parser.add_argument('--vocab_size', default=1, type=int) @@ -82,6 +82,7 @@ data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, + num_samples=args.num_train_samples, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode='train') src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gate_labels, turn_domain = data_layer() @@ -110,11 +111,6 @@ src_ids=src_ids, targets=tgt_ids) -eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, - DOMAINS, - batch_size=args.batch_size, - mode='dev') -eval_data_layer() # gate_loss_fn = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.CrossEntropyLoss() ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() @@ -125,6 +121,7 @@ eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, + num_samples=args.num_eval_samples, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode='dev') (eval_src_ids, eval_src_lens, eval_tgt_ids, @@ -149,7 +146,6 @@ get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]]], step_freq=steps_per_epoch) - eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_tensors, user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback( From f415c1afe2c8bd80d32d33abc1a34485948fa495 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 23 Dec 2019 17:50:46 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 014/138] Evaluation added. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 5 +- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 4 +- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/losses.py | 47 +++- .../utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py | 184 ++++++++++++++++ .../nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py | 201 ------------------ examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 28 ++- 6 files changed, 253 insertions(+), 216 deletions(-) create mode 100644 collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py delete mode 100644 collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index d30a4b0fc4c8..38a8e51df5dd 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -848,7 +848,7 @@ def create_ports(): }), "gating_labels": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) }), 'turn_domain': NeuralType(None) } @@ -875,6 +875,7 @@ def __init__(self, shuffle=False, collate_fn=self._collate_fn) self.pad_id = self._dataset.vocab.pad_id + self.gating_dict = self._dataset.gating_dict def _collate_fn(self, data): """ data is a list of batch_size sample @@ -911,6 +912,8 @@ def pad_batch_response(sequences, pad_id): lengths = torch.tensor(lengths) return padded_seqs, lengths + + # TODO: check here """ sort the lengths for pack_padded_sequence, otherwise this error `lengths` array must be sorted in decreasing order when `enforce_sorted` is True diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index 1766a7277414..8e435c9b0006 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -58,7 +58,7 @@ def create_ports(): }), 'gate_outputs': NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(TimeTag), + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) }) } @@ -186,7 +186,7 @@ def forward(self, all_point_outputs[:, :, wi, :] = torch.reshape( final_p_vocab, (batch_size, len(self.slots), self.vocab_size)) - + # TODO: check here if use_teacher_forcing or True: slot_emb = self.embedding(torch.flatten(targets[:, :, wi])) # targets[:, wi, :].transpose(1, 0))) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/losses.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/losses.py index 6fba091bc96f..822343d64212 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/losses.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/losses.py @@ -11,7 +11,8 @@ 'LossAggregatorNM', 'TokenClassificationLoss', 'JointIntentSlotLoss', - 'PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM'] + 'PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM', + 'CrossEntropyLoss3D'] class MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM(LossNM): @@ -84,6 +85,50 @@ def _loss_function(self, **kwargs): return loss +class CrossEntropyLoss3D(LossNM): + """ + Neural module which implements Token Classification loss. + + Args: + num_classes (int): number of classes in a classifier, e.g. size + of the vocabulary in language modeling objective + logits (float): output of the classifier + labels (long): ground truth labels + loss_mask (long): to differentiate from original tokens and paddings + """ + + @staticmethod + def create_ports(): + input_ports = { + "logits": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + }), + "labels": NeuralType({ + 0: AxisType(BatchTag), + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + }), + } + + output_ports = { + "loss": NeuralType(None), + } + return input_ports, output_ports + + def __init__(self, num_classes, **kwargs): + LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) + self._criterion = nn.CrossEntropyLoss() + self.num_classes = num_classes + + def _loss_function(self, logits, labels): + logits_flatten = logits.view(-1, self.num_classes) + labels_flatten = labels.view(-1) + + loss = self._criterion(logits_flatten, labels_flatten) + return loss + + class TokenClassificationLoss(LossNM): """ Neural module which implements Token Classification loss. diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..4a407d17302f --- /dev/null +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py @@ -0,0 +1,184 @@ +# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] + +import os +import random +import time + +import matplotlib +from matplotlib import pyplot as plt +import numpy as np +from sklearn.metrics import confusion_matrix, classification_report + +from nemo.utils.exp_logging import get_logger + +logger = get_logger('') + + +def eval_iter_callback(tensors, + global_vars, + eval_data_layer): + # print(tensors) + # print(global_vars) + if 'loss' not in global_vars: + global_vars['loss'] = [] + if 'point_outputs' not in global_vars: + global_vars['point_outputs'] = [] + if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: + global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] + if 'gating_labels' not in global_vars: + global_vars['gating_labels'] = [] + if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: + global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] + if 'tgt_ids' not in global_vars: + global_vars['tgt_ids'] = [] + if 'tgt_lens' not in global_vars: + global_vars['tgt_lens'] = [] + if 'eval_res' not in global_vars: + global_vars['eval_res'] = [] + if 'eval_mask' not in global_vars: + global_vars['eval_mask'] = [] + + for kv, v in tensors.items(): + if kv.startswith('loss'): + loss_numpy = v[0].cpu().numpy() + global_vars['loss'].append(loss_numpy) + if kv.startswith('point_outputs'): + point_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() + global_vars['point_outputs'].extend(point_outputs) + if kv.startswith('gate_outputs'): + gate_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() + global_vars['gate_outputs'].extend(gate_outputs) + if kv.startswith('gating_labels'): + gating_labels = v[0].cpu().numpy() + global_vars['gating_labels'].extend(gating_labels) + if kv.startswith('tgt_ids'): + tgt_ids = v[0].cpu().numpy() + global_vars['tgt_ids'].extend(tgt_ids) + if kv.startswith('tgt_lens'): + tgt_lens = v[0].cpu().numpy() + global_vars['tgt_lens'].extend(tgt_lens) + + + # # Set to not-training mode to disable dropout + # self.encoder.train(False) + # self.decoder.train(False) + #print("STARTING EVALUATION") + #all_prediction = {} + #inverse_unpoint_slot = dict([(v, k) for k, v in eval_data_layer.gating_dict.items()]) + + #batch_size = len(data_dev['context_len']) + #batch_size = len(gating_labels) + #_, gates, words, class_words = self.encode_and_decode(data_dev, False, slot_temp) + + #tgt_ids = tgt_ids.ravel() + point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) + #point_outputs = point_outputs.ravel() + + mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == eval_data_layer.pad_id) + comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) + comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) + + # TODO: replace gating_lables with gating_outputs + mask_gating = (gating_labels == eval_data_layer.gating_dict["ptr"]) + #comp_res = np.logical_or(comp_res, mask_gating) + #comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) + + global_vars['eval_res'].extend(comp_res) + global_vars['eval_mask'].extend(mask_gating) + + + # all_prediction = [] + # for bi in range(batch_size): + # #if data_dev["ID"][bi] not in all_prediction.keys(): + # # all_prediction[data_dev["ID"][bi]] = {} + # predictions = {} + # predictions["turn_belief"] = turn_beliefs[bi] + # + # predict_belief_bsz_ptr, predict_belief_bsz_class = [], [] + # gate = gating_labels[bi] #np.argmax(gates.transpose(0, 1)[bi], dim=1) + # + # # pointer-generator results + # if eval_data_layer.use_gate: + # for si, sg in enumerate(gate): + # if sg == eval_data_layer.gating_dict["none"]: + # continue + # elif sg == eval_data_layer.gating_dict["ptr"]: + # pred = np.transpose(words[si])[bi] + # st = [] + # for e in pred: + # if e == 'EOS': + # break + # else: + # st.append(e) + # st = " ".join(st) + # if st == "none": + # continue + # else: + # predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + str(st)) + # else: + # predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + inverse_unpoint_slot[sg.item()]) + # else: + # for si, _ in enumerate(gate): + # pred = np.transpose(words[si])[bi] + # st = [] + # for e in pred: + # if e == 'EOS': + # break + # else: + # st.append(e) + # st = " ".join(st) + # if st == "none": + # continue + # else: + # predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + str(st)) + # + # all_prediction[data_dev["ID"][bi]][data_dev["turn_id"][bi]]["pred_bs_ptr"] = predict_belief_bsz_ptr + # + # if set(data_dev["turn_belief"][bi]) != set(predict_belief_bsz_ptr) and args["genSample"]: + # print("True", set(data_dev["turn_belief"][bi])) + # print("Pred", set(predict_belief_bsz_ptr), "\n") + + +def list2str(l): + return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) + + +def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold): + #loss = np.mean(global_vars['loss']) + #print(f'Loss: {loss}') + + joint_acc, turn_acc, F1 = \ + evaluate_metrics(global_vars['eval_res'], global_vars['eval_mask']) + + evaluation_metrics = {"Joint_Acc": joint_acc, + "Turn_Acc": turn_acc, + "Joint_F1": F1} + print(evaluation_metrics) + + return evaluation_metrics + + +def evaluate_metrics(results, ptr_mask): + total_slots = 0 + correct_slots = 0 + total_turns = 0 + correct_turns = 0 + TP, FP, FN = 0, 0, 0 + F1 = 0 + for result_idx, result in enumerate(results): + turn_wrong = False + total_turns += 1 + for slot_idx, slot in enumerate(result): + if ptr_mask[result_idx][slot_idx]: + total_slots += 1 + if slot: + correct_slots += 1 + else: + turn_wrong = True + if not turn_wrong: + correct_turns += 1 + + turn_acc = correct_slots / float(total_slots) if total_slots != 0 else 0 + joint_acc = correct_turns / float(total_turns) if total_turns != 0 else 0 + return joint_acc, turn_acc, F1 diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py deleted file mode 100644 index eca93f85483d..000000000000 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/trade_dst.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,201 +0,0 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] - -import os -import random -import time - -import matplotlib -from matplotlib import pyplot as plt -import numpy as np -from sklearn.metrics import confusion_matrix, classification_report - -from nemo.utils.exp_logging import get_logger - -logger = get_logger('') - - -def eval_iter_callback(tensors, - global_vars, - eval_data_layer): - # print(tensors) - # print(global_vars) - if 'loss' not in global_vars: - global_vars['loss'] = [] - if 'point_outputs' not in global_vars: - global_vars['point_outputs'] = [] - if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: - global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] - if 'gating_labels' not in global_vars: - global_vars['gating_labels'] = [] - if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: - global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] - - for kv, v in tensors.items(): - if kv.startswith('loss'): - global_vars['loss'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) - if kv.startswith('point_outputs'): - global_vars['point_outputs'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) - if kv.startswith('gate_outputs'): - global_vars['gate_outputs'].append(v[0].cpu().numpy()) - - -def list2str(l): - return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) - - -def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold): - print(global_vars['loss']) - return {} - - -def evaluate(self, dev, matric_best, slot_temp, early_stop=None): - # Set to not-training mode to disable dropout - self.encoder.train(False) - self.decoder.train(False) - print("STARTING EVALUATION") - all_prediction = {} - inverse_unpoint_slot = dict([(v, k) for k, v in self.gating_dict.items()]) - pbar = tqdm(enumerate(dev), total=len(dev)) - for j, data_dev in pbar: - # Encode and Decode - batch_size = len(data_dev['context_len']) - _, gates, words, class_words = self.encode_and_decode(data_dev, False, slot_temp) - - for bi in range(batch_size): - if data_dev["ID"][bi] not in all_prediction.keys(): - all_prediction[data_dev["ID"][bi]] = {} - all_prediction[data_dev["ID"][bi]][data_dev["turn_id"][bi]] = {"turn_belief": data_dev["turn_belief"][bi]} - predict_belief_bsz_ptr, predict_belief_bsz_class = [], [] - gate = torch.argmax(gates.transpose(0, 1)[bi], dim=1) - - # pointer-generator results - if args["use_gate"]: - for si, sg in enumerate(gate): - if sg == self.gating_dict["none"]: - continue - elif sg == self.gating_dict["ptr"]: - pred = np.transpose(words[si])[bi] - st = [] - for e in pred: - if e == 'EOS': - break - else: - st.append(e) - st = " ".join(st) - if st == "none": - continue - else: - predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + str(st)) - else: - predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + inverse_unpoint_slot[sg.item()]) - else: - for si, _ in enumerate(gate): - pred = np.transpose(words[si])[bi] - st = [] - for e in pred: - if e == 'EOS': - break - else: - st.append(e) - st = " ".join(st) - if st == "none": - continue - else: - predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + str(st)) - - all_prediction[data_dev["ID"][bi]][data_dev["turn_id"][bi]]["pred_bs_ptr"] = predict_belief_bsz_ptr - - if set(data_dev["turn_belief"][bi]) != set(predict_belief_bsz_ptr) and args["genSample"]: - print("True", set(data_dev["turn_belief"][bi])) - print("Pred", set(predict_belief_bsz_ptr), "\n") - - if args["genSample"]: - json.dump(all_prediction, open("all_prediction_{}.json".format(self.name), 'w'), indent=4) - - joint_acc_score_ptr, F1_score_ptr, turn_acc_score_ptr = self.evaluate_metrics(all_prediction, "pred_bs_ptr", slot_temp) - - evaluation_metrics = {"Joint Acc": joint_acc_score_ptr, "Turn Acc": turn_acc_score_ptr, "Joint F1": F1_score_ptr} - print(evaluation_metrics) - - # Set back to training mode - self.encoder.train(True) - self.decoder.train(True) - - joint_acc_score = joint_acc_score_ptr # (joint_acc_score_ptr + joint_acc_score_class)/2 - F1_score = F1_score_ptr - - if (early_stop == 'F1'): - if (F1_score >= matric_best): - self.save_model('ENTF1-{:.4f}'.format(F1_score)) - print("MODEL SAVED") - return F1_score - else: - if (joint_acc_score >= matric_best): - self.save_model('ACC-{:.4f}'.format(joint_acc_score)) - print("MODEL SAVED") - return joint_acc_score - - -def evaluate_metrics(all_prediction, from_which, slot_temp): - total, turn_acc, joint_acc, F1_pred, F1_count = 0, 0, 0, 0, 0 - for d, v in all_prediction.items(): - for t in range(len(v)): - cv = v[t] - if set(cv["turn_belief"]) == set(cv[from_which]): - joint_acc += 1 - total += 1 - - # Compute prediction slot accuracy - temp_acc = compute_acc(set(cv["turn_belief"]), set(cv[from_which]), slot_temp) - turn_acc += temp_acc - - # Compute prediction joint F1 score - temp_f1, temp_r, temp_p, count = compute_prf(set(cv["turn_belief"]), set(cv[from_which])) - F1_pred += temp_f1 - F1_count += count - - joint_acc_score = joint_acc / float(total) if total != 0 else 0 - turn_acc_score = turn_acc / float(total) if total != 0 else 0 - F1_score = F1_pred / float(F1_count) if F1_count != 0 else 0 - return joint_acc_score, F1_score, turn_acc_score - - -def compute_acc(gold, pred, slot_temp): - miss_gold = 0 - miss_slot = [] - for g in gold: - if g not in pred: - miss_gold += 1 - miss_slot.append(g.rsplit("-", 1)[0]) - wrong_pred = 0 - for p in pred: - if p not in gold and p.rsplit("-", 1)[0] not in miss_slot: - wrong_pred += 1 - ACC_TOTAL = len(slot_temp) - ACC = len(slot_temp) - miss_gold - wrong_pred - ACC = ACC / float(ACC_TOTAL) - return ACC - - -def compute_prf(gold, pred): - TP, FP, FN = 0, 0, 0 - if len(gold) != 0: - count = 1 - for g in gold: - if g in pred: - TP += 1 - else: - FN += 1 - for p in pred: - if p not in gold: - FP += 1 - precision = TP / float(TP + FP) if (TP + FP) != 0 else 0 - recall = TP / float(TP + FN) if (TP + FN) != 0 else 0 - F1 = 2 * precision * recall / float(precision + recall) if (precision + recall) != 0 else 0 - else: - if len(pred) == 0: - precision, recall, F1, count = 1, 1, 1, 1 - else: - precision, recall, F1, count = 0, 0, 0, 1 - return F1, recall, precision, count diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 416eefa9a580..4559ec6a39f6 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -12,7 +12,7 @@ from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import EncoderRNN from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy import nemo_nlp -from nemo_nlp.utils.callbacks.trade_dst import \ +from nemo_nlp.utils.callbacks.state_tracking_trade import \ eval_iter_callback, eval_epochs_done_callback parser = argparse.ArgumentParser( @@ -111,19 +111,23 @@ src_ids=src_ids, targets=tgt_ids) -# gate_loss_fn = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.CrossEntropyLoss() +gate_loss_fn = \ + nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_layer.gating_dict)) ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() +total_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) -# gate_loss = gate_loss_fn() -train_loss = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs, - targets=tgt_ids, - mask=tgt_lens) +gate_loss = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs, + labels=gate_labels) +ptr_loss = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs, + targets=tgt_ids, + mask=tgt_lens) +train_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss, loss_2=ptr_loss) eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, num_samples=args.num_eval_samples, batch_size=args.batch_size, - mode='dev') + mode='train') (eval_src_ids, eval_src_lens, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens, eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain) = eval_data_layer() outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=eval_src_ids, input_lens=eval_src_lens) @@ -136,12 +140,14 @@ targets=eval_tgt_ids, mask=eval_tgt_lens) eval_tensors = [eval_loss, eval_point_outputs, eval_gate_outputs, - eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain] + eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens] # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[train_loss], - print_func=lambda x: print('Loss:', str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3))), + tensors=[train_loss, gate_loss, ptr_loss], + print_func=lambda x: print(f'Loss:{str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3))}, ' + f'Gate Loss:{str(np.round(x[1].item(), 3))}, ' + f'Pointer Loss:{str(np.round(x[2].item(), 3))}'), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]]], step_freq=steps_per_epoch) @@ -149,7 +155,7 @@ eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_tensors, user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback( - x, y, data_layer), + x, y, eval_data_layer), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( x, f'{nf.work_dir}/graphs'), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, From 871ff503a18a953fa54886b74462e5a4cc032fe4 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 26 Dec 2019 16:51:17 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 015/138] Some bugs in the generator fixed. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 26 ++++++----- .../utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py | 12 +++++- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 43 +++++++++++++------ 3 files changed, 56 insertions(+), 25 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index 8e435c9b0006..b78867b54d91 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -143,18 +143,22 @@ def forward(self, slot_emb = domain_emb + subslot_emb # 30 x 400 slot_emb = slot_emb[None, :] # 1 x 30 x 400 slot_emb = slot_emb.repeat(batch_size, 1, 1) # 16 x 30 x 400 - slot_emb = self.dropout( + decoder_input = self.dropout( slot_emb).view(-1, self.hidden_size) # 480 x 400 # print('encoder_hidden', encoder_hidden.shape) # 16 x 1 x 400 - hidden = encoder_hidden.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) + hidden = encoder_hidden.repeat(1, len(self.slots), 1) + + hidden = hidden.view(-1, self.hidden_size).unsqueeze(0) # print('hidden', hidden.shape) # 480 x 1 x 400 - hidden = hidden.transpose(0, 1) # 1 x 480 x 400 + #hidden = hidden.transpose(0, 1) # 1 x 480 x 400 # 1 * (batch*|slot|) * emb for wi in range(max_res_len): - dec_state, hidden = self.rnn(slot_emb.unsqueeze(1), + dec_state, hidden = self.rnn(decoder_input.unsqueeze(1), hidden) enc_out = encoder_outputs.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) - enc_len = input_lens * len(self.slots) + # TODO: check here, take it out of loop + #enc_len = input_lens * len(self.slots) + enc_len = input_lens.repeat(len(self.slots)) context_vec, logits, prob = self.attend(enc_out, hidden.squeeze(0), # 480 x 400 @@ -166,9 +170,9 @@ def forward(self, p_vocab = self.attend_vocab(self.embedding.weight, hidden.squeeze(0)) - slot_emb = slot_emb.squeeze(1) + #decoder_input = decoder_input.squeeze(1) p_gen_vec = torch.cat( - [dec_state.squeeze(1), context_vec, slot_emb], -1) + [dec_state.squeeze(1), context_vec, decoder_input], -1) vocab_pointer_switches = self.sigmoid(self.w_ratio(p_gen_vec)) p_context_ptr = torch.zeros(p_vocab.size()) p_context_ptr = p_context_ptr.to(self._device) @@ -187,15 +191,15 @@ def forward(self, final_p_vocab, (batch_size, len(self.slots), self.vocab_size)) # TODO: check here - if use_teacher_forcing or True: - slot_emb = self.embedding(torch.flatten(targets[:, :, wi])) + if use_teacher_forcing: + decoder_input = self.embedding(torch.flatten(targets[:, :, wi])) # targets[:, wi, :].transpose(1, 0))) # print('targets[:, wi, :]', targets[:, wi, :].shape) # print('torch.flatten(targets[:, wi, :]', torch.flatten(targets[:, wi, :]).shape) else: - slot_emb = self.embedding(pred_word) + decoder_input = self.embedding(pred_word) - slot_emb = slot_emb.to(self._device) + decoder_input = decoder_input.to(self._device) return all_point_outputs, all_gate_outputs diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py index 4a407d17302f..d682d198dc95 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py @@ -38,6 +38,8 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars['eval_res'] = [] if 'eval_mask' not in global_vars: global_vars['eval_mask'] = [] + if 'eval_gate' not in global_vars: + global_vars['eval_gate'] = [] for kv, v in tensors.items(): if kv.startswith('loss'): @@ -84,8 +86,12 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, #comp_res = np.logical_or(comp_res, mask_gating) #comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) + gate_outputs_max = np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1) + eval_gate = (gating_labels == gate_outputs_max) + global_vars['eval_res'].extend(comp_res) global_vars['eval_mask'].extend(mask_gating) + global_vars['eval_gate'].extend(eval_gate) # all_prediction = [] @@ -151,9 +157,13 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold): joint_acc, turn_acc, F1 = \ evaluate_metrics(global_vars['eval_res'], global_vars['eval_mask']) + eval_gate_flatten = np.asarray(global_vars['eval_gate']).ravel() + gate_acc = np.sum(eval_gate_flatten) / len(eval_gate_flatten) + evaluation_metrics = {"Joint_Acc": joint_acc, "Turn_Acc": turn_acc, - "Joint_F1": F1} + "Joint_F1": F1, + "Gate_Acc": gate_acc} print(evaluation_metrics) return evaluation_metrics diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 4559ec6a39f6..91ce1a4c357f 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -48,6 +48,9 @@ parser.add_argument("--num_train_samples", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_eval_samples", default=-1, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--grad_norm_clip", type=float, default=10.0, + help="gradient clipping") + # parser.add_argument('--vocab_size', default=1, type=int) # # Testing Setting @@ -114,14 +117,18 @@ gate_loss_fn = \ nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_layer.gating_dict)) ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() -total_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) -gate_loss = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs, - labels=gate_labels) -ptr_loss = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs, - targets=tgt_ids, - mask=tgt_lens) -train_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss, loss_2=ptr_loss) +#TODO: check here +total_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) # 1 or 2 + +gate_loss_train = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs, + labels=gate_labels) +ptr_loss_train = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs, + targets=tgt_ids, + mask=tgt_lens) + +train_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_train, loss_2=ptr_loss_train) +#train_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_train) eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, @@ -136,15 +143,23 @@ input_lens=eval_src_lens, src_ids=eval_src_ids, targets=eval_tgt_ids) -eval_loss = ptr_loss_fn(logits=eval_point_outputs, - targets=eval_tgt_ids, - mask=eval_tgt_lens) + +gate_loss_eval = gate_loss_fn(logits=eval_gate_outputs, + labels=eval_gate_labels) + +ptr_loss_eval = ptr_loss_fn(logits=eval_point_outputs, + targets=eval_tgt_ids, + mask=eval_tgt_lens) + +eval_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_eval, loss_2=ptr_loss_eval) +#eval_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_eval) + eval_tensors = [eval_loss, eval_point_outputs, eval_gate_outputs, eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens] # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[train_loss, gate_loss, ptr_loss], + tensors=[train_loss, gate_loss_train, ptr_loss_train], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Loss:{str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3))}, ' f'Gate Loss:{str(np.round(x[1].item(), 3))}, ' f'Pointer Loss:{str(np.round(x[2].item(), 3))}'), @@ -173,8 +188,10 @@ nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[train_loss], callbacks=[train_callback, eval_callback, ckpt_callback], - lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, + #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, "lr": args.lr, - "weight_decay": args.weight_decay}) + "grad_norm_clip": args.grad_norm_clip, + #"weight_decay": args.weight_decay + }) From 0ced2009ae4b9d6d547baa551d10d8a3bcb10be5 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Vahid Date: Mon, 30 Dec 2019 10:47:43 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 016/138] Evaluation fixed. Mem usage improved. Signed-off-by: Vahid --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 20 ++--- .../utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py | 85 +++++++++---------- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 25 +++--- 3 files changed, 63 insertions(+), 67 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index b78867b54d91..d6cecaa0e51a 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -105,9 +105,9 @@ def _slots_split_to_index(self): split_slots = list(set(sum(split_slots, []))) self.slot_w2i = {split_slots[i]: i for i in range(len(split_slots))} self.domain_idx = torch.tensor( - [self.slot_w2i[domain] for domain in domains]).to(self._device) + [self.slot_w2i[domain] for domain in domains], device=self._device) self.subslot_idx = torch.tensor( - [self.slot_w2i[slot] for slot in slots]).to(self._device) + [self.slot_w2i[slot] for slot in slots], device=self._device) def forward(self, encoder_hidden, @@ -131,12 +131,12 @@ def forward(self, all_point_outputs = torch.zeros(batch_size, len(self.slots), max_res_len, - self.vocab_size) + self.vocab_size, device=self._device) all_gate_outputs = torch.zeros(batch_size, len(self.slots), - self.nb_gate) - all_point_outputs = all_point_outputs.to(self._device) - all_gate_outputs = all_gate_outputs.to(self._device) + self.nb_gate, device=self._device) + #all_point_outputs = all_point_outputs.to(self._device) + #all_gate_outputs = all_gate_outputs.to(self._device) domain_emb = self.slot_emb(self.domain_idx).to(self._device) subslot_emb = self.slot_emb(self.subslot_idx).to(self._device) @@ -152,13 +152,13 @@ def forward(self, # print('hidden', hidden.shape) # 480 x 1 x 400 #hidden = hidden.transpose(0, 1) # 1 x 480 x 400 # 1 * (batch*|slot|) * emb + enc_len = input_lens.repeat(len(self.slots)) + # enc_len = input_lens * len(self.slots) for wi in range(max_res_len): dec_state, hidden = self.rnn(decoder_input.unsqueeze(1), hidden) enc_out = encoder_outputs.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) # TODO: check here, take it out of loop - #enc_len = input_lens * len(self.slots) - enc_len = input_lens.repeat(len(self.slots)) context_vec, logits, prob = self.attend(enc_out, hidden.squeeze(0), # 480 x 400 @@ -174,8 +174,8 @@ def forward(self, p_gen_vec = torch.cat( [dec_state.squeeze(1), context_vec, decoder_input], -1) vocab_pointer_switches = self.sigmoid(self.w_ratio(p_gen_vec)) - p_context_ptr = torch.zeros(p_vocab.size()) - p_context_ptr = p_context_ptr.to(self._device) + p_context_ptr = torch.zeros(p_vocab.size(), device=self._device) + #p_context_ptr = p_context_ptr.to(self._device) p_context_ptr.scatter_add_(1, src_ids.repeat(len(self.slots), 1), diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py index d682d198dc95..abcde87b3fdd 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py @@ -22,24 +22,20 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, # print(global_vars) if 'loss' not in global_vars: global_vars['loss'] = [] - if 'point_outputs' not in global_vars: - global_vars['point_outputs'] = [] - if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: - global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] + # if 'point_outputs' not in global_vars: + # global_vars['point_outputs'] = [] + # if 'tgt_ids' not in global_vars: + # global_vars['tgt_ids'] = [] + # if 'tgt_lens' not in global_vars: + # global_vars['tgt_lens'] = [] + if 'comp_res' not in global_vars: + global_vars['comp_res'] = [] if 'gating_labels' not in global_vars: global_vars['gating_labels'] = [] - if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: - global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] - if 'tgt_ids' not in global_vars: - global_vars['tgt_ids'] = [] - if 'tgt_lens' not in global_vars: - global_vars['tgt_lens'] = [] - if 'eval_res' not in global_vars: - global_vars['eval_res'] = [] - if 'eval_mask' not in global_vars: - global_vars['eval_mask'] = [] - if 'eval_gate' not in global_vars: - global_vars['eval_gate'] = [] + if 'gating_preds' not in global_vars: + global_vars['gating_preds'] = [] + # if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: + # global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] for kv, v in tensors.items(): if kv.startswith('loss'): @@ -47,19 +43,19 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars['loss'].append(loss_numpy) if kv.startswith('point_outputs'): point_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() - global_vars['point_outputs'].extend(point_outputs) + # global_vars['point_outputs'].extend(point_outputs) if kv.startswith('gate_outputs'): gate_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() - global_vars['gate_outputs'].extend(gate_outputs) + # global_vars['gate_outputs'].extend(gate_outputs) if kv.startswith('gating_labels'): gating_labels = v[0].cpu().numpy() global_vars['gating_labels'].extend(gating_labels) if kv.startswith('tgt_ids'): tgt_ids = v[0].cpu().numpy() - global_vars['tgt_ids'].extend(tgt_ids) - if kv.startswith('tgt_lens'): - tgt_lens = v[0].cpu().numpy() - global_vars['tgt_lens'].extend(tgt_lens) + # global_vars['tgt_ids'].extend(tgt_ids) + # if kv.startswith('tgt_lens'): + # tgt_lens = v[0].cpu().numpy() + # global_vars['tgt_lens'].extend(tgt_lens) # # Set to not-training mode to disable dropout @@ -73,26 +69,18 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, #batch_size = len(gating_labels) #_, gates, words, class_words = self.encode_and_decode(data_dev, False, slot_temp) - #tgt_ids = tgt_ids.ravel() point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) - #point_outputs = point_outputs.ravel() - mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == eval_data_layer.pad_id) comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) + global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res) # TODO: replace gating_lables with gating_outputs - mask_gating = (gating_labels == eval_data_layer.gating_dict["ptr"]) + #mask_gating = (gating_labels == eval_data_layer.gating_dict["ptr"]) #comp_res = np.logical_or(comp_res, mask_gating) #comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) - gate_outputs_max = np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1) - eval_gate = (gating_labels == gate_outputs_max) - - global_vars['eval_res'].extend(comp_res) - global_vars['eval_mask'].extend(mask_gating) - global_vars['eval_gate'].extend(eval_gate) - + global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1)) # all_prediction = [] # for bi in range(batch_size): @@ -150,42 +138,45 @@ def list2str(l): return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) -def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold): +def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold, eval_data_layer): #loss = np.mean(global_vars['loss']) #print(f'Loss: {loss}') joint_acc, turn_acc, F1 = \ - evaluate_metrics(global_vars['eval_res'], global_vars['eval_mask']) + evaluate_metrics(global_vars['comp_res'], + global_vars['gating_labels'], + global_vars['gating_preds'], + eval_data_layer.gating_dict["ptr"]) - eval_gate_flatten = np.asarray(global_vars['eval_gate']).ravel() - gate_acc = np.sum(eval_gate_flatten) / len(eval_gate_flatten) + gating_comp_flatten = (np.asarray(global_vars['gating_labels']) == np.asarray(global_vars['gating_preds'])).ravel() + gating_acc = np.sum(gating_comp_flatten) / len(gating_comp_flatten) - evaluation_metrics = {"Joint_Acc": joint_acc, + evaluation_metrics = {"Joint_Goal_Acc": joint_acc, "Turn_Acc": turn_acc, "Joint_F1": F1, - "Gate_Acc": gate_acc} + "Gate_Acc": gating_acc} print(evaluation_metrics) return evaluation_metrics -def evaluate_metrics(results, ptr_mask): +def evaluate_metrics(comp_res, gating_labels, gating_preds, ptr_code): total_slots = 0 correct_slots = 0 total_turns = 0 correct_turns = 0 TP, FP, FN = 0, 0, 0 F1 = 0 - for result_idx, result in enumerate(results): + for result_idx, result in enumerate(comp_res): turn_wrong = False total_turns += 1 for slot_idx, slot in enumerate(result): - if ptr_mask[result_idx][slot_idx]: - total_slots += 1 - if slot: - correct_slots += 1 - else: - turn_wrong = True + total_slots += 1 + if gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] == gating_preds[result_idx][slot_idx] and \ + (gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] != ptr_code or slot): + correct_slots += 1 + else: + turn_wrong = True if not turn_wrong: correct_turns += 1 diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 91ce1a4c357f..06abe130382f 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -7,7 +7,7 @@ import os import numpy as np - +from nemo.core import DeviceType import nemo from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import EncoderRNN from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy @@ -35,10 +35,10 @@ parser.add_argument("--dataset_name", default='multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--train_file_prefix", default='train', type=str) parser.add_argument("--eval_file_prefix", default='test', type=str) -parser.add_argument("--none_slot_label", default='O', type=str) -parser.add_argument("--pad_label", default=-1, type=int) +#parser.add_argument("--none_slot_label", default='O', type=str) +#parser.add_argument("--pad_label", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--work_dir", default='outputs', type=str) -parser.add_argument("--save_epoch_freq", default=1, type=int) +parser.add_argument("--save_epoch_freq", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--save_step_freq", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--optimizer_kind", default="adam", type=str) parser.add_argument("--amp_opt_level", default="O0", @@ -81,7 +81,10 @@ log_dir=work_dir, create_tb_writer=True, files_to_copy=[__file__], - add_time_to_log_dir=True) + add_time_to_log_dir=True, + placement=DeviceType.GPU + #placement=DeviceType.CPU + ) data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, @@ -134,7 +137,7 @@ DOMAINS, num_samples=args.num_eval_samples, batch_size=args.batch_size, - mode='train') + mode=args.eval_file_prefix) (eval_src_ids, eval_src_lens, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens, eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain) = eval_data_layer() outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=eval_src_ids, input_lens=eval_src_lens) @@ -145,7 +148,7 @@ targets=eval_tgt_ids) gate_loss_eval = gate_loss_fn(logits=eval_gate_outputs, - labels=eval_gate_labels) + labels=eval_gate_labels) ptr_loss_eval = ptr_loss_fn(logits=eval_point_outputs, targets=eval_tgt_ids, @@ -164,7 +167,9 @@ f'Gate Loss:{str(np.round(x[1].item(), 3))}, ' f'Pointer Loss:{str(np.round(x[2].item(), 3))}'), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, - get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]]], + get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]], + ["gate_loss", x[1]], + ["pointer_loss", x[2]]], step_freq=steps_per_epoch) eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( @@ -172,7 +177,7 @@ user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback( x, y, eval_data_layer), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( - x, f'{nf.work_dir}/graphs'), + x, f'{nf.work_dir}/graphs', eval_data_layer), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, eval_step=steps_per_epoch) @@ -192,6 +197,6 @@ optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, "lr": args.lr, - "grad_norm_clip": args.grad_norm_clip, + #"grad_norm_clip": args.grad_norm_clip, #"weight_decay": args.weight_decay }) From 3628cb671195c4e6bceb7e41c33aed7385cf98e6 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 30 Dec 2019 16:00:05 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 017/138] Added shuffling. Removed mem lang. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 14 +++- .../nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py | 2 +- .../{dst.py => dialogue_state_tracking.py} | 71 +++++++++++-------- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 13 +++- 4 files changed, 66 insertions(+), 34 deletions(-) rename collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/{dst.py => dialogue_state_tracking.py} (86%) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index 38a8e51df5dd..c9c8bb70a1a4 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -861,19 +861,29 @@ def __init__(self, batch_size=16, mode='train', dataset_type=WOZDSTDataset, + shuffle=False, + num_workers=0, **kwargs): kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size dataset_params = {'data_dir': data_dir, 'domains': domains, 'num_samples': num_samples, - 'mode': mode} + 'mode': mode, + 'shuffle': shuffle} super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) + if self._placement == nemo.core.DeviceType.AllGpu: + sampler = pt_data.distributed.DistributedSampler(self._dataset) + else: + sampler = None + self._dataloader = pt_data.DataLoader(dataset=self._dataset, batch_size=batch_size, shuffle=False, - collate_fn=self._collate_fn) + num_workers=num_workers, + collate_fn=self._collate_fn, + sampler=sampler) self.pad_id = self._dataset.vocab.pad_id self.gating_dict = self._dataset.gating_dict diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py index 058f04260020..c6fa6b17283e 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ from .bert_pretraining import (BertPretrainingDataset, BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataset) -from .dst import WOZDSTDataset +from .dialogue_state_tracking import WOZDSTDataset from .glue import GLUEDataset from .joint_intent_slot import (BertJointIntentSlotDataset, BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py similarity index 86% rename from collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py rename to collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py index f000fbff8ac8..46d1daecb6f6 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dst.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -1,6 +1,7 @@ import json import os import pickle +import random from torch.utils.data import Dataset @@ -71,6 +72,7 @@ def __init__(self, domains, mode, num_samples=-1, + shuffle=False, all_domains={'attraction': 0, 'restaurant': 1, 'taxi': 2, @@ -86,34 +88,39 @@ def __init__(self, self.gating_dict = {'ptr': 0, 'dontcare': 1, 'none': 2} self.domains = domains self.all_domains = all_domains - self.vocab, self.mem_vocab = Vocab(), Vocab() + self.vocab = Vocab() + # self.mem_vocab = Vocab() ontology_file = open(f'{self.data_dir}/ontology.json', 'r') self.ontology = json.load(ontology_file) self.get_slots() self.get_vocab() - self.features, self.max_len = self.get_features(num_samples) + self.features, self.max_len = self.get_features(num_samples, shuffle) print("Sample 0: " + str(self.features[0])) def get_vocab(self): self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' - self.mem_vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/mem_vocab.pkl' - - if self.mode != 'train' and (not os.path.exists(self.vocab_file) or - not os.path.exists(self.mem_vocab_file)): - raise ValueError(f"{self.vocab_file} and {self.mem_vocab_file}" - " don't exist!") - - if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file) and \ - os.path.exists(self.mem_vocab_file): - print(f'Loading vocab and mem_vocab from {self.data_dir}') + # self.mem_vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/mem_vocab.pkl' + + if self.mode != 'train' and (not os.path.exists(self.vocab_file)): + # if self.mode != 'train' and (not os.path.exists(self.vocab_file) or + # not os.path.exists(self.mem_vocab_file)): + # raise ValueError(f"{self.vocab_file} and {self.mem_vocab_file}" + # " don't exist!") + raise ValueError(f"{self.vocab_file} doesn't exist!") + + if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file): + # if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file) and \ + # os.path.exists(self.mem_vocab_file): + print(f'Loading vocab from {self.data_dir}') + # print(f'Loading vocab and mem_vocab from {self.data_dir}') self.vocab = pickle.load(open(self.vocab_file, 'rb')) - self.mem_vocab = pickle.load(open(self.mem_vocab_file, 'rb')) + #self.mem_vocab = pickle.load(open(self.mem_vocab_file, 'rb')) else: self.create_vocab() - print('Mem vocab size', len(self.mem_vocab)) + # print('Mem vocab size', len(self.mem_vocab)) print('Vocab size', len(self.vocab)) def get_slots(self): @@ -124,39 +131,40 @@ def get_slots(self): def create_vocab(self): self.vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') - self.mem_vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') + #self.mem_vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') - filename = f'{self.data_dir}/train_dialogs.json' + filename = f'{self.data_dir}/train_dials.json' print(f'Building vocab from {filename}') dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) max_value_len = 0 for dialog_dict in dialogs: - for turn in dialog_dict['dialog']: - self.vocab.add_words(turn['sys_transcript'], 'utterance') + for turn in dialog_dict['dialogue']: + self.vocab.add_words(turn['system_transcript'], 'utterance') self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], self.slots) - self.mem_vocab.add_words(turn_beliefs, 'belief') + # self.mem_vocab.add_words(turn_beliefs, 'belief') lengths = [len(turn_beliefs[slot]) for slot in self.slots if slot in turn_beliefs] lengths.append(max_value_len) max_value_len = max(lengths) - if f'f{max_value_len - 1}' not in self.mem_vocab.word2idx: - for time_i in range(max_value_len): - self.mem_vocab.add_words(f't{time_i}', 'utterance') + # if f'f{max_value_len - 1}' not in self.mem_vocab.word2idx: + # for time_i in range(max_value_len): + # self.mem_vocab.add_words(f't{time_i}', 'utterance') - print(f'Saving vocab and mem_vocab to {self.data_dir}') + # print(f'Saving vocab and mem_vocab to {self.data_dir}') + print(f'Saving vocab to {self.data_dir}') with open(self.vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: pickle.dump(self.vocab, handle) - with open(self.mem_vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: - pickle.dump(self.mem_vocab, handle) + # with open(self.mem_vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: + # pickle.dump(self.mem_vocab, handle) - def get_features(self, num_samples): + def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): if num_samples == 0: raise ValueError("num_samples has to be positive", num_samples) @@ -211,25 +219,30 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples): 'domains': dialog_dict['domains'], 'turn_domain': turn['domain'], 'turn_id': turn['turn_idx'], - 'dialog_history': ' ; '.join(dialog_histories), + 'dialogue_history': ' ; '.join(dialog_histories), 'turn_belief': turn_belief_list, 'gating_label': gating_label, 'turn_uttr': turn_uttr, 'responses': responses} - sample['context_ids'] = self.vocab.tokens2ids(sample['dialog_history'].split()) + sample['context_ids'] = self.vocab.tokens2ids(sample['dialogue_history'].split()) sample['responses_ids'] = [self.vocab.tokens2ids(y.split() + [self.vocab.eos]) for y in sample['responses']] sample['turn_domain'] = self.all_domains[sample['turn_domain']] data.append(sample) - resp_len = len(sample['dialog_history'].split()) + resp_len = len(sample['dialogue_history'].split()) max_resp_len = max(max_resp_len, resp_len) print('Domain count', domain_count) print('Max response length', max_resp_len) print(f'Processing {len(data)} samples') + + if shuffle: + print(f'Shuffling samples.') + random.shuffle(data) + return data, max_resp_len def __len__(self): diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 06abe130382f..c36b2270a8a7 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -7,6 +7,7 @@ import os import numpy as np + from nemo.core import DeviceType import nemo from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import EncoderRNN @@ -82,13 +83,18 @@ create_tb_writer=True, files_to_copy=[__file__], add_time_to_log_dir=True, - placement=DeviceType.GPU - #placement=DeviceType.CPU + #placement=DeviceType.GPU , GPU ) +total_cpus = os.cpu_count() +num_workers = 0 # max(int(total_cpus / nf.world_size), 1) + data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, num_samples=args.num_train_samples, + shuffle=args.shuffle_data, + num_workers=num_workers, + local_rank=args.local_rank, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode='train') src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gate_labels, turn_domain = data_layer() @@ -136,6 +142,9 @@ eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, num_samples=args.num_eval_samples, + shuffle=False, + num_workers=num_workers, + local_rank=args.local_rank, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode=args.eval_file_prefix) (eval_src_ids, eval_src_lens, eval_tgt_ids, From e3de958ed9472cf9d345cfc7004518a77097423a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 30 Dec 2019 18:26:42 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 018/138] Adding progress bar. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py | 28 ++++++------------- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 8 ++++-- 2 files changed, 14 insertions(+), 22 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py index abcde87b3fdd..5406eed8fa5a 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py @@ -5,8 +5,6 @@ import random import time -import matplotlib -from matplotlib import pyplot as plt import numpy as np from sklearn.metrics import confusion_matrix, classification_report @@ -17,25 +15,17 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars, - eval_data_layer): - # print(tensors) - # print(global_vars) + eval_data_layer, + progress_bar): + if 'loss' not in global_vars: global_vars['loss'] = [] - # if 'point_outputs' not in global_vars: - # global_vars['point_outputs'] = [] - # if 'tgt_ids' not in global_vars: - # global_vars['tgt_ids'] = [] - # if 'tgt_lens' not in global_vars: - # global_vars['tgt_lens'] = [] if 'comp_res' not in global_vars: global_vars['comp_res'] = [] if 'gating_labels' not in global_vars: global_vars['gating_labels'] = [] if 'gating_preds' not in global_vars: global_vars['gating_preds'] = [] - # if 'gate_outputs' not in global_vars: - # global_vars['gate_outputs'] = [] for kv, v in tensors.items(): if kv.startswith('loss'): @@ -43,20 +33,16 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars['loss'].append(loss_numpy) if kv.startswith('point_outputs'): point_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() - # global_vars['point_outputs'].extend(point_outputs) if kv.startswith('gate_outputs'): gate_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() - # global_vars['gate_outputs'].extend(gate_outputs) if kv.startswith('gating_labels'): gating_labels = v[0].cpu().numpy() global_vars['gating_labels'].extend(gating_labels) if kv.startswith('tgt_ids'): tgt_ids = v[0].cpu().numpy() - # global_vars['tgt_ids'].extend(tgt_ids) - # if kv.startswith('tgt_lens'): - # tgt_lens = v[0].cpu().numpy() - # global_vars['tgt_lens'].extend(tgt_lens) + progress_bar.update() + progress_bar.set_description(f"Loss: {str(loss_numpy)}") # # Set to not-training mode to disable dropout # self.encoder.train(False) @@ -138,10 +124,12 @@ def list2str(l): return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) -def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold, eval_data_layer): +def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, eval_data_layer, progress_bar): #loss = np.mean(global_vars['loss']) #print(f'Loss: {loss}') + progress_bar.reset() + joint_acc, turn_acc, F1 = \ evaluate_metrics(global_vars['comp_res'], global_vars['gating_labels'], diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index c36b2270a8a7..2d0ba479ac19 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -7,6 +7,7 @@ import os import numpy as np +from tqdm import tqdm from nemo.core import DeviceType import nemo @@ -181,12 +182,15 @@ ["pointer_loss", x[2]]], step_freq=steps_per_epoch) +batch_num_eval = int(eval_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / args.batch_size) +progress_bar_eval = tqdm(total=batch_num_eval) + eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_tensors, user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback( - x, y, eval_data_layer), + x, y, eval_data_layer, progress_bar_eval), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( - x, f'{nf.work_dir}/graphs', eval_data_layer), + x, eval_data_layer, progress_bar_eval), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, eval_step=steps_per_epoch) From 6e68b653f7371eac943afc89da06b80dc19faef5 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2020 15:22:56 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 019/138] Added progress bar. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 36 ++++++++++++++++--------- nemo/nemo/core/callbacks.py | 10 ++++++- 2 files changed, 32 insertions(+), 14 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 2d0ba479ac19..72384b136c9e 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -90,7 +90,7 @@ total_cpus = os.cpu_count() num_workers = 0 # max(int(total_cpus / nf.world_size), 1) -data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, +train_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, num_samples=args.num_train_samples, shuffle=args.shuffle_data, @@ -98,9 +98,9 @@ local_rank=args.local_rank, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode='train') -src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gate_labels, turn_domain = data_layer() -vocab_size = len(data_layer._dataset.vocab) -steps_per_epoch = len(data_layer) // args.batch_size +src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gate_labels, turn_domain = train_data_layer() +vocab_size = len(train_data_layer._dataset.vocab) +steps_per_epoch = len(train_data_layer) // args.batch_size encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, args.emb_dim, @@ -110,12 +110,12 @@ outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids, input_lens=src_lens) -decoder = nemo_nlp.DSTGenerator(data_layer._dataset.vocab, +decoder = nemo_nlp.DSTGenerator(train_data_layer._dataset.vocab, encoder.embedding, args.hid_dim, args.dropout, - data_layer._dataset.slots, - len(data_layer._dataset.gating_dict), + train_data_layer._dataset.slots, + len(train_data_layer._dataset.gating_dict), teacher_forcing=0.5) point_outputs, gate_outputs = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, @@ -125,7 +125,7 @@ targets=tgt_ids) gate_loss_fn = \ - nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_layer.gating_dict)) + nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(train_data_layer.gating_dict)) ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() #TODO: check here @@ -170,6 +170,18 @@ eval_tensors = [eval_loss, eval_point_outputs, eval_gate_outputs, eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens] +# Create progress bars +import math +iter_num_eval = math.ceil(eval_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / + args.batch_size / nf.world_size) +progress_bar_eval = tqdm(total=iter_num_eval, position=0, leave=False) + +iter_num_train = math.ceil(train_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / + args.batch_size / nf.world_size) +progress_bar_train = tqdm(total=iter_num_train, position=0, leave=False) +# print("salam", batch_num_eval, eval_data_layer._dataset.__len__(), args.batch_size) + + # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=[train_loss, gate_loss_train, ptr_loss_train], @@ -180,10 +192,8 @@ get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]], ["gate_loss", x[1]], ["pointer_loss", x[2]]], - step_freq=steps_per_epoch) - -batch_num_eval = int(eval_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / args.batch_size) -progress_bar_eval = tqdm(total=batch_num_eval) + step_freq=steps_per_epoch, + progress_bar=progress_bar_train) eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_tensors, @@ -205,7 +215,7 @@ warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion) nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[train_loss], - callbacks=[train_callback, eval_callback, ckpt_callback], + callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, diff --git a/nemo/nemo/core/callbacks.py b/nemo/nemo/core/callbacks.py index 3f19a57eaad7..8c65e25ac277 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/core/callbacks.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/core/callbacks.py @@ -144,7 +144,8 @@ def __init__(self, get_tb_values=None, log_to_tb_func=None, step_freq=25, - tb_writer=None): + tb_writer=None, + progress_bar=None): super().__init__() if not isinstance(tensors, list): @@ -158,6 +159,7 @@ def __init__(self, self._start_time = None self._last_epoch_start = None self._last_iter_start = None + self._progress_bar = progress_bar @property def tensors(self): @@ -175,12 +177,16 @@ def on_action_end(self): self.logger.info(f"Done in {time.time() - self._start_time}") def on_epoch_start(self): + if self._progress_bar: + self._progress_bar.reset() if self.global_rank is None or self.global_rank == 0: self.logger.info(f"Starting epoch {self.epoch_num}") self._last_epoch_start = time.time() def on_epoch_end(self): if self.global_rank is None or self.global_rank == 0: + if self._progress_bar: + self._progress_bar.reset() step = self.step run_time = time.time() - self._last_epoch_start self.logger.info(f"Finished epoch {self.epoch_num} in {run_time}") @@ -196,6 +202,8 @@ def on_iteration_start(self): def on_iteration_end(self): if self.global_rank is None or self.global_rank == 0: + if self._progress_bar: + self._progress_bar.update() step = self.step if step % self._step_freq == 0: tensor_values = [ From 7b6bf61c5f1457f730228afd2aa59055e52851be Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2020 17:19:19 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 020/138] Added None option to grad_norm_clip. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 5 +++-- 1 file changed, 3 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 72384b136c9e..659b95d58b13 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -50,7 +50,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--num_train_samples", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_eval_samples", default=-1, type=int) -parser.add_argument("--grad_norm_clip", type=float, default=10.0, +parser.add_argument("--grad_norm_clip", type=float, default=-1, help="gradient clipping") # parser.add_argument('--vocab_size', default=1, type=int) @@ -214,12 +214,13 @@ total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion) +grad_norm_clip = args.grad_norm_clip if args.grad_norm_clip > 0 else None nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[train_loss], callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, "lr": args.lr, - #"grad_norm_clip": args.grad_norm_clip, + "grad_norm_clip": grad_norm_clip, #"weight_decay": args.weight_decay }) From 745f87acdc76a7b75bb4843c37fa81c4e6fc7624 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2020 17:27:26 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 021/138] Added None option to grad_norm_clip. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 7 ++----- 1 file changed, 2 insertions(+), 5 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 659b95d58b13..d7534d3c5191 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -37,8 +37,6 @@ parser.add_argument("--dataset_name", default='multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--train_file_prefix", default='train', type=str) parser.add_argument("--eval_file_prefix", default='test', type=str) -#parser.add_argument("--none_slot_label", default='O', type=str) -#parser.add_argument("--pad_label", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--work_dir", default='outputs', type=str) parser.add_argument("--save_epoch_freq", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--save_step_freq", default=-1, type=int) @@ -98,7 +96,8 @@ local_rank=args.local_rank, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode='train') -src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gate_labels, turn_domain = train_data_layer() +src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gate_labels, turn_domain = \ + train_data_layer() vocab_size = len(train_data_layer._dataset.vocab) steps_per_epoch = len(train_data_layer) // args.batch_size @@ -179,8 +178,6 @@ iter_num_train = math.ceil(train_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / args.batch_size / nf.world_size) progress_bar_train = tqdm(total=iter_num_train, position=0, leave=False) -# print("salam", batch_num_eval, eval_data_layer._dataset.__len__(), args.batch_size) - # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( From c2644daa884c83e37acbd0aa1024f1f5eac2b6df Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2020 18:33:31 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 022/138] Fixed steps_per_epoch for multi gpu training. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 15 ++++++++++++++- 1 file changed, 14 insertions(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index d7534d3c5191..769e2c0932bf 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -5,6 +5,7 @@ import argparse import os +import math import numpy as np from tqdm import tqdm @@ -99,7 +100,19 @@ src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gate_labels, turn_domain = \ train_data_layer() vocab_size = len(train_data_layer._dataset.vocab) -steps_per_epoch = len(train_data_layer) // args.batch_size + +train_data_size = len(train_data_layer) +print(f'The length of train data layer is {train_data_size}') + +batch_size = args.batch_size +if train_data_size < batch_size: + nf.logger.warning("Batch_size is larger than the train dataset size") + nf.logger.warning("Reducing batch_size to dataset size") + batch_size = train_data_size + +steps_per_epoch = math.ceil(train_data_size / (batch_size * args.num_gpus)) +nf.logger.info(f"Steps_per_epoch Train= {steps_per_epoch}") + encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, args.emb_dim, From f8a08a66cf789a67450c0a5850e27ce7100b11fb Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2020 18:34:28 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 023/138] Fixed steps_per_epoch for multi gpu training. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 1 - 1 file changed, 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 769e2c0932bf..0d0a1c07da77 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -183,7 +183,6 @@ eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens] # Create progress bars -import math iter_num_eval = math.ceil(eval_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / args.batch_size / nf.world_size) progress_bar_eval = tqdm(total=iter_num_eval, position=0, leave=False) From 1748754e1f99b992fc7630bf01df5ef5cc71b56b Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2020 18:37:38 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 024/138] Made progressbar optional. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py | 12 ++++++----- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 20 ++++++++++++------- 2 files changed, 20 insertions(+), 12 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py index 5406eed8fa5a..7654668f44d0 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py @@ -16,7 +16,7 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars, eval_data_layer, - progress_bar): + progress_bar=None): if 'loss' not in global_vars: global_vars['loss'] = [] @@ -41,8 +41,9 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, if kv.startswith('tgt_ids'): tgt_ids = v[0].cpu().numpy() - progress_bar.update() - progress_bar.set_description(f"Loss: {str(loss_numpy)}") + if progress_bar: + progress_bar.update() + progress_bar.set_description(f"Loss: {str(loss_numpy)}") # # Set to not-training mode to disable dropout # self.encoder.train(False) @@ -124,11 +125,12 @@ def list2str(l): return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) -def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, eval_data_layer, progress_bar): +def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, eval_data_layer, progress_bar=None): #loss = np.mean(global_vars['loss']) #print(f'Loss: {loss}') - progress_bar.reset() + if progress_bar: + progress_bar.reset() joint_acc, turn_acc, F1 = \ evaluate_metrics(global_vars['comp_res'], diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 0d0a1c07da77..8e8ed6c708e1 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -52,6 +52,8 @@ parser.add_argument("--grad_norm_clip", type=float, default=-1, help="gradient clipping") +parser.add_argument("--progress_bar", action='store_true') + # parser.add_argument('--vocab_size', default=1, type=int) # # Testing Setting @@ -183,13 +185,17 @@ eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens] # Create progress bars -iter_num_eval = math.ceil(eval_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / - args.batch_size / nf.world_size) -progress_bar_eval = tqdm(total=iter_num_eval, position=0, leave=False) - -iter_num_train = math.ceil(train_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / - args.batch_size / nf.world_size) -progress_bar_train = tqdm(total=iter_num_train, position=0, leave=False) +if args.progress_bar: + iter_num_eval = math.ceil(eval_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / + args.batch_size / nf.world_size) + progress_bar_eval = tqdm(total=iter_num_eval, position=0, leave=False) + + iter_num_train = math.ceil(train_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / + args.batch_size / nf.world_size) + progress_bar_train = tqdm(total=iter_num_train, position=0, leave=False) +else: + progress_bar_eval = None + progress_bar_train = None # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( From dd9b43698255f3c70f45a20cdd17fadc18b2844a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2020 18:44:02 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 025/138] Cleaned. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 29 ++++--------------------- 1 file changed, 4 insertions(+), 25 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 8e8ed6c708e1..1e2344e4e2f8 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -48,29 +48,11 @@ parser.add_argument("--shuffle_data", action='store_true') parser.add_argument("--num_train_samples", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_eval_samples", default=-1, type=int) - parser.add_argument("--grad_norm_clip", type=float, default=-1, help="gradient clipping") - parser.add_argument("--progress_bar", action='store_true') - -# parser.add_argument('--vocab_size', default=1, type=int) - -# # Testing Setting -# parser.add_argument('-rundev', '--run_dev_testing', help='', -# default=0, type=int) -# parser.add_argument('-viz', '--vizualization', -# help='vizualization', type=int, default=0) -# parser.add_argument('-gs', '--genSample', help='Generate Sample', -# type=int, default=0) -# parser.add_argument('-evalp', '--evalp', -# help='evaluation period', default=1) -# parser.add_argument('-an', '--addName', -# help='An add name for the save folder', default='') -# parser.add_argument('-eb', '--eval_batch', help='Evaluation Batch_size', -# type=int, default=0) - args = parser.parse_args() + DOMAINS = {"attraction": 0, "restaurant": 1, "taxi": 2, "train": 3, "hotel": 4} if not os.path.exists(args.data_dir): @@ -85,7 +67,7 @@ create_tb_writer=True, files_to_copy=[__file__], add_time_to_log_dir=True, - #placement=DeviceType.GPU , GPU + #placement=CPU ) total_cpus = os.cpu_count() @@ -142,7 +124,6 @@ nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(train_data_layer.gating_dict)) ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() -#TODO: check here total_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) # 1 or 2 gate_loss_train = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs, @@ -152,7 +133,6 @@ mask=tgt_lens) train_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_train, loss_2=ptr_loss_train) -#train_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_train) eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, @@ -179,18 +159,17 @@ mask=eval_tgt_lens) eval_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_eval, loss_2=ptr_loss_eval) -#eval_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_eval) eval_tensors = [eval_loss, eval_point_outputs, eval_gate_outputs, eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens] # Create progress bars if args.progress_bar: - iter_num_eval = math.ceil(eval_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / + iter_num_eval = math.ceil(len(eval_data_layer) / args.batch_size / nf.world_size) progress_bar_eval = tqdm(total=iter_num_eval, position=0, leave=False) - iter_num_train = math.ceil(train_data_layer._dataset.__len__() / + iter_num_train = math.ceil(len(train_data_layer) / args.batch_size / nf.world_size) progress_bar_train = tqdm(total=iter_num_train, position=0, leave=False) else: From f43d1ddb9d07c8e1bb5ba29c63dc0f40a404ccfa Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2020 17:32:32 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 026/138] Deterministic debugging! Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 6 +-- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 43 ++++++++++++------- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 13 +++++- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 2 + 4 files changed, 45 insertions(+), 19 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 46d1daecb6f6..c242fcbae9ba 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -193,8 +193,8 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): if num_samples > 0 and len(data) >= num_samples: break - turn_uttr = turn['system_transcript'] + ' ; ' + turn['transcript'] - turn_uttr = turn_uttr.strip() + turn_uttr = turn['system_transcript'] + ' ; ' + turn['transcript'] + ' ; ' + #turn_uttr = turn_uttr.strip() dialog_histories.append(turn_uttr) turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], self.slots) @@ -219,7 +219,7 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): 'domains': dialog_dict['domains'], 'turn_domain': turn['domain'], 'turn_id': turn['turn_idx'], - 'dialogue_history': ' ; '.join(dialog_histories), + 'dialogue_history': ''.join(dialog_histories).strip(), 'turn_belief': turn_belief_list, 'gating_label': gating_label, 'turn_uttr': turn_uttr, diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index d6cecaa0e51a..e5078c8a3d6c 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -102,7 +102,8 @@ def _slots_split_to_index(self): split_slots = [slot.split('-') for slot in self.slots] domains = [split_slot[0] for split_slot in split_slots] slots = [split_slot[1] for split_slot in split_slots] - split_slots = list(set(sum(split_slots, []))) + split_slots = list({s: 0 for s in sum(split_slots, [])}) + #split_slots = list(set(sum(split_slots, []))) self.slot_w2i = {split_slots[i]: i for i in range(len(split_slots))} self.domain_idx = torch.tensor( [self.slot_w2i[domain] for domain in domains], device=self._device) @@ -119,21 +120,27 @@ def forward(self, # need domain + slot emb to be of the same size # domain emb + slot emb is batch_size x num_slots x slot_emb_dim # print('encoder_hidden', encoder_hidden.shape) - if (not self.training) \ - or (random.random() <= self.teacher_forcing): - use_teacher_forcing = False - else: - use_teacher_forcing = True + + # TODO: commented here + # if (not self.training) \ + # or (random.random() > self.teacher_forcing): + # use_teacher_forcing = False + # else: + # use_teacher_forcing = True + use_teacher_forcing = False + + # TODO: made it 10 if not training, make it work with no targets max_res_len = targets.shape[2] batch_size = encoder_hidden.shape[0] - all_point_outputs = torch.zeros(batch_size, - len(self.slots), + targets = targets.transpose(0, 1) + all_point_outputs = torch.zeros(len(self.slots), + batch_size, max_res_len, self.vocab_size, device=self._device) - all_gate_outputs = torch.zeros(batch_size, - len(self.slots), + all_gate_outputs = torch.zeros(len(self.slots), + batch_size, self.nb_gate, device=self._device) #all_point_outputs = all_point_outputs.to(self._device) #all_gate_outputs = all_gate_outputs.to(self._device) @@ -141,12 +148,14 @@ def forward(self, domain_emb = self.slot_emb(self.domain_idx).to(self._device) subslot_emb = self.slot_emb(self.subslot_idx).to(self._device) slot_emb = domain_emb + subslot_emb # 30 x 400 - slot_emb = slot_emb[None, :] # 1 x 30 x 400 - slot_emb = slot_emb.repeat(batch_size, 1, 1) # 16 x 30 x 400 + #slot_emb = slot_emb[None, :] # 1 x 30 x 400 + slot_emb = slot_emb.unsqueeze(1) #[None, :] # 1 x 30 x 400 + slot_emb = slot_emb.repeat(1, batch_size, 1) # 16 x 30 x 400 decoder_input = self.dropout( slot_emb).view(-1, self.hidden_size) # 480 x 400 # print('encoder_hidden', encoder_hidden.shape) # 16 x 1 x 400 - hidden = encoder_hidden.repeat(1, len(self.slots), 1) + hidden = encoder_hidden.transpose(0, 1).repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) + #hidden = encoder_hidden.repeat(1, len(self.slots), 1) hidden = hidden.view(-1, self.hidden_size).unsqueeze(0) # print('hidden', hidden.shape) # 480 x 1 x 400 @@ -159,6 +168,9 @@ def forward(self, hidden) enc_out = encoder_outputs.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) # TODO: check here, take it out of loop + + #hidden = hidden.view(16, 30, -1).transpose(0, 1).clone().view(-1, 400) + context_vec, logits, prob = self.attend(enc_out, hidden.squeeze(0), # 480 x 400 @@ -189,7 +201,7 @@ def forward(self, all_point_outputs[:, :, wi, :] = torch.reshape( final_p_vocab, - (batch_size, len(self.slots), self.vocab_size)) + (len(self.slots), batch_size, self.vocab_size)) # TODO: check here if use_teacher_forcing: decoder_input = self.embedding(torch.flatten(targets[:, :, wi])) @@ -200,7 +212,8 @@ def forward(self, decoder_input = self.embedding(pred_word) decoder_input = decoder_input.to(self._device) - + all_point_outputs = all_point_outputs.transpose(0, 1).contiguous() + all_gate_outputs = all_gate_outputs.transpose(0, 1).contiguous() return all_point_outputs, all_gate_outputs def attend(self, seq, cond, lens): diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 1e2344e4e2f8..58b61723cda4 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -60,6 +60,12 @@ work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/{args.dataset_name.upper()}' + +# TODO: added some stuff +import torch +torch.backends.cudnn.deterministic = True + + nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory(backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, @@ -97,6 +103,10 @@ steps_per_epoch = math.ceil(train_data_size / (batch_size * args.num_gpus)) nf.logger.info(f"Steps_per_epoch Train= {steps_per_epoch}") +torch.manual_seed(999) +if torch.cuda.is_available(): + torch.cuda.manual_seed_all(999) + encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, args.emb_dim, @@ -210,7 +220,8 @@ grad_norm_clip = args.grad_norm_clip if args.grad_norm_clip > 0 else None nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[train_loss], - callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], + #callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], + callbacks=[train_callback, ckpt_callback], #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index c9510666f75e..59fad126b3a1 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -61,10 +61,12 @@ def __init__(self, sum_hidden=True): super().__init__() self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) + # TODO: changed here added + 1 self.embedding = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) if embedding_to_load is not None: self.embedding.weight.data.copy_(embedding_to_load) else: + #torch.cuda.manual_seed_all(999) self.embedding.weight.data.normal_(0, 0.1) self.rnn = nn.GRU(emb_dim, hid_dim, From 04fa8fa9b7f108c9367a37ff102a8dbbecb6ddd7 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2020 17:37:15 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 027/138] Debugged! Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 13 ++++++------- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 15 ++------------- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 2 -- 3 files changed, 8 insertions(+), 22 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index e5078c8a3d6c..587ac08bb86a 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -103,7 +103,6 @@ def _slots_split_to_index(self): domains = [split_slot[0] for split_slot in split_slots] slots = [split_slot[1] for split_slot in split_slots] split_slots = list({s: 0 for s in sum(split_slots, [])}) - #split_slots = list(set(sum(split_slots, []))) self.slot_w2i = {split_slots[i]: i for i in range(len(split_slots))} self.domain_idx = torch.tensor( [self.slot_w2i[domain] for domain in domains], device=self._device) @@ -123,12 +122,12 @@ def forward(self, # TODO: commented here - # if (not self.training) \ - # or (random.random() > self.teacher_forcing): - # use_teacher_forcing = False - # else: - # use_teacher_forcing = True - use_teacher_forcing = False + if (not self.training) \ + or (random.random() > self.teacher_forcing): + use_teacher_forcing = False + else: + use_teacher_forcing = True + # use_teacher_forcing = False # TODO: made it 10 if not training, make it work with no targets max_res_len = targets.shape[2] diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 58b61723cda4..5b86b8178bf0 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -60,12 +60,6 @@ work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/{args.dataset_name.upper()}' - -# TODO: added some stuff -import torch -torch.backends.cudnn.deterministic = True - - nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory(backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, @@ -77,7 +71,7 @@ ) total_cpus = os.cpu_count() -num_workers = 0 # max(int(total_cpus / nf.world_size), 1) +num_workers = 0 # max(int(total_cpus / nf.world_size), 1) train_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, @@ -103,10 +97,6 @@ steps_per_epoch = math.ceil(train_data_size / (batch_size * args.num_gpus)) nf.logger.info(f"Steps_per_epoch Train= {steps_per_epoch}") -torch.manual_seed(999) -if torch.cuda.is_available(): - torch.cuda.manual_seed_all(999) - encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, args.emb_dim, @@ -220,8 +210,7 @@ grad_norm_clip = args.grad_norm_clip if args.grad_norm_clip > 0 else None nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[train_loss], - #callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], - callbacks=[train_callback, ckpt_callback], + callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 59fad126b3a1..c9510666f75e 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -61,12 +61,10 @@ def __init__(self, sum_hidden=True): super().__init__() self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - # TODO: changed here added + 1 self.embedding = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) if embedding_to_load is not None: self.embedding.weight.data.copy_(embedding_to_load) else: - #torch.cuda.manual_seed_all(999) self.embedding.weight.data.normal_(0, 0.1) self.rnn = nn.GRU(emb_dim, hid_dim, From 00237dbcb11ce03ae16c5a37ab34860b978c5a05 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2020 17:47:58 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 028/138] Added input dropout parameter to EncoderRNN. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 3 ++- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 5 ++++- 2 files changed, 6 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 5b86b8178bf0..7ffa18fc62d8 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -102,7 +102,8 @@ args.emb_dim, args.hid_dim, args.dropout, - args.n_layers) + args.n_layers, + input_dropout=args.dropout) outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids, input_lens=src_lens) diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index c9510666f75e..c00a82906a78 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -58,9 +58,11 @@ def __init__(self, n_layers=1, pad_idx=1, embedding_to_load=None, - sum_hidden=True): + sum_hidden=True, + input_dropout=0.0): super().__init__() self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) + self.input_dropout(input_dropout) self.embedding = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) if embedding_to_load is not None: self.embedding.weight.data.copy_(embedding_to_load) @@ -76,6 +78,7 @@ def __init__(self, self.to(self._device) def forward(self, inputs, input_lens=None): + embedded = self.input_dropout(inputs) embedded = self.embedding(inputs) embedded = self.dropout(embedded) if input_lens is not None: From 70850b5b56df943b29ffa5f7e2054ed451d93d27 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2020 18:02:06 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 029/138] Added input dropout parameter to EncoderRNN. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index c00a82906a78..ef435f70f4d7 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ def __init__(self, input_dropout=0.0): super().__init__() self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - self.input_dropout(input_dropout) + self.input_dropout = input_dropout self.embedding = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) if embedding_to_load is not None: self.embedding.weight.data.copy_(embedding_to_load) From 18abbb89d3e59a819629e412f101b6023a66a6f3 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2020 18:02:59 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 030/138] Added input dropout parameter to EncoderRNN. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 4 ++-- 1 file changed, 2 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index ef435f70f4d7..7dfdf31c22db 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ def __init__(self, input_dropout=0.0): super().__init__() self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - self.input_dropout = input_dropout + self.input_dropout = nn.Dropout(input_dropout) self.embedding = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) if embedding_to_load is not None: self.embedding.weight.data.copy_(embedding_to_load) @@ -79,7 +79,7 @@ def __init__(self, def forward(self, inputs, input_lens=None): embedded = self.input_dropout(inputs) - embedded = self.embedding(inputs) + embedded = self.embedding(embedded) embedded = self.dropout(embedded) if input_lens is not None: embedded = nn.utils.rnn.pack_padded_sequence(embedded, From 08fa9cdb969afb4eea56c7107c249fee83d2f1a4 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2020 18:11:17 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 031/138] Added input dropout parameter to EncoderRNN. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 4 ++-- 1 file changed, 2 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 7dfdf31c22db..3da71292d67d 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -78,8 +78,8 @@ def __init__(self, self.to(self._device) def forward(self, inputs, input_lens=None): - embedded = self.input_dropout(inputs) - embedded = self.embedding(embedded) + inputs_masked = self.input_dropout(inputs) + embedded = self.embedding(inputs_masked) embedded = self.dropout(embedded) if input_lens is not None: embedded = nn.utils.rnn.pack_padded_sequence(embedded, From 7e197acda9914ad8c000a0619cfce5993def719e Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2020 18:42:45 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 032/138] Added input dropout parameter to EncoderRNN. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 9 +++++++-- 1 file changed, 7 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 3da71292d67d..10c7d612d738 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -7,6 +7,7 @@ # noinspection PyPep8Naming import torch.nn.functional as F from torch import nn +import numpy as np from nemo.backends.pytorch.common.parts import Attention from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import TrainableNM @@ -62,7 +63,7 @@ def __init__(self, input_dropout=0.0): super().__init__() self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - self.input_dropout = nn.Dropout(input_dropout) + self.input_dropout = input_dropout self.embedding = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) if embedding_to_load is not None: self.embedding.weight.data.copy_(embedding_to_load) @@ -78,7 +79,11 @@ def __init__(self, self.to(self._device) def forward(self, inputs, input_lens=None): - inputs_masked = self.input_dropout(inputs) + bi_mask = np.random.binomial([np.ones(inputs.size())], + 1 - self.input_dropout)[0] + rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(self._device) + inputs_masked = inputs * rand_mask + embedded = self.embedding(inputs_masked) embedded = self.dropout(embedded) if input_lens is not None: From e7b0b55681c3def4d8ab2eb53819f29bafd7270b Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 8 Jan 2020 11:26:07 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 033/138] Added input dropout parameter to EncoderRNN. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 253 +++++++++--------- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 14 +- 2 files changed, 134 insertions(+), 133 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py index c242fcbae9ba..158b24aee566 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -273,131 +273,130 @@ def __getitem__(self, idx): 'turn_domain': item['turn_domain'], 'responses_ids': item['responses_ids']} - -def fix_general_label_error(labels, slots): - label_dict = dict([label['slots'][0] for label in labels]) - GENERAL_TYPO = { - # type - "guesthouse": "guest house", - "guesthouses": "guest house", - "guest": "guest house", - "mutiple sports": "multiple sports", - "sports": "multiple sports", - "mutliple sports": "multiple sports", - "swimmingpool": "swimming pool", - "concerthall": "concert hall", - "concert": "concert hall", - "pool": "swimming pool", - "night club": "nightclub", - "mus": "museum", - "ol": "architecture", - "colleges": "college", - "coll": "college", - "architectural": "architecture", - "musuem": "museum", - "churches": "church", - # area - "center": "centre", - "center of town": "centre", - "near city center": "centre", - "in the north": "north", - "cen": "centre", - "east side": "east", - "east area": "east", - "west part of town": "west", - "ce": "centre", - "town center": "centre", - "centre of cambridge": "centre", - "city center": "centre", - "the south": "south", - "scentre": "centre", - "town centre": "centre", - "in town": "centre", - "north part of town": "north", - "centre of town": "centre", - "cb30aq": "none", - # price - "mode": "moderate", - "moderate -ly": "moderate", - "mo": "moderate", - # day - "next friday": "friday", - "monda": "monday", - # parking - "free parking": - "free", - # internet - "free internet": "yes", - # star - "4 star": "4", - "4 stars": "4", - "0 star rarting": "none", - # others - "y": "yes", - "any": "dontcare", - "n": "no", - "does not care": "dontcare", - "not men": "none", - "not": "none", - "not mentioned": "none", - '': "none", - "not mendtioned": "none", - "3 .": "3", - "does not": "no", - "fun": "none", - "art": "none", - } - - hotel_ranges = ["nigh", "moderate -ly priced", "bed and breakfast", - "centre", "venetian", "intern", "a cheap -er hotel"] - locations = ["gastropub", "la raza", "galleria", "gallery", "science", "m"] - detailed_hotels = ["hotel with free parking and free wifi", - "4", - "3 star hotel"] - areas = ["stansted airport", "cambridge", "silver street"] - attr_areas = ["norwich", "ely", "museum", "same area as hotel"] - - for slot in slots: - if slot in label_dict.keys(): - # general typos - if label_dict[slot] in GENERAL_TYPO.keys(): - label_dict[slot] = label_dict[slot].replace( - label_dict[slot], GENERAL_TYPO[label_dict[slot]]) - - # miss match slot and value - if (slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in hotel_ranges) or \ - (slot == "hotel-internet" and label_dict[slot] == "4") or \ - (slot == "hotel-pricerange" and label_dict[slot] == "2") or \ - (slot == "attraction-type" and - label_dict[slot] in locations) or \ - ("area" in slot and label_dict[slot] in ["moderate"]) or \ - ("day" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "t"): - label_dict[slot] = "none" - elif slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in detailed_hotels: - label_dict[slot] = "hotel" - elif slot == "hotel-star" and label_dict[slot] == "3 star hotel": - label_dict[slot] = "3" - elif "area" in slot: - if label_dict[slot] == "no": - label_dict[slot] = "north" - elif label_dict[slot] == "we": - label_dict[slot] = "west" - elif label_dict[slot] == "cent": - label_dict[slot] = "centre" - elif "day" in slot: - if label_dict[slot] == "we": - label_dict[slot] = "wednesday" - elif label_dict[slot] == "no": + def fix_general_label_error(self, labels, slots): + label_dict = dict([label['slots'][0] for label in labels]) + GENERAL_TYPO = { + # type + "guesthouse": "guest house", + "guesthouses": "guest house", + "guest": "guest house", + "mutiple sports": "multiple sports", + "sports": "multiple sports", + "mutliple sports": "multiple sports", + "swimmingpool": "swimming pool", + "concerthall": "concert hall", + "concert": "concert hall", + "pool": "swimming pool", + "night club": "nightclub", + "mus": "museum", + "ol": "architecture", + "colleges": "college", + "coll": "college", + "architectural": "architecture", + "musuem": "museum", + "churches": "church", + # area + "center": "centre", + "center of town": "centre", + "near city center": "centre", + "in the north": "north", + "cen": "centre", + "east side": "east", + "east area": "east", + "west part of town": "west", + "ce": "centre", + "town center": "centre", + "centre of cambridge": "centre", + "city center": "centre", + "the south": "south", + "scentre": "centre", + "town centre": "centre", + "in town": "centre", + "north part of town": "north", + "centre of town": "centre", + "cb30aq": "none", + # price + "mode": "moderate", + "moderate -ly": "moderate", + "mo": "moderate", + # day + "next friday": "friday", + "monda": "monday", + # parking + "free parking": + "free", + # internet + "free internet": "yes", + # star + "4 star": "4", + "4 stars": "4", + "0 star rarting": "none", + # others + "y": "yes", + "any": "dontcare", + "n": "no", + "does not care": "dontcare", + "not men": "none", + "not": "none", + "not mentioned": "none", + '': "none", + "not mendtioned": "none", + "3 .": "3", + "does not": "no", + "fun": "none", + "art": "none", + } + + hotel_ranges = ["nigh", "moderate -ly priced", "bed and breakfast", + "centre", "venetian", "intern", "a cheap -er hotel"] + locations = ["gastropub", "la raza", "galleria", "gallery", "science", "m"] + detailed_hotels = ["hotel with free parking and free wifi", + "4", + "3 star hotel"] + areas = ["stansted airport", "cambridge", "silver street"] + attr_areas = ["norwich", "ely", "museum", "same area as hotel"] + + for slot in slots: + if slot in label_dict.keys(): + # general typos + if label_dict[slot] in GENERAL_TYPO.keys(): + label_dict[slot] = label_dict[slot].replace( + label_dict[slot], GENERAL_TYPO[label_dict[slot]]) + + # miss match slot and value + if (slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in hotel_ranges) or \ + (slot == "hotel-internet" and label_dict[slot] == "4") or \ + (slot == "hotel-pricerange" and label_dict[slot] == "2") or \ + (slot == "attraction-type" and + label_dict[slot] in locations) or \ + ("area" in slot and label_dict[slot] in ["moderate"]) or \ + ("day" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "t"): + label_dict[slot] = "none" + elif slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in detailed_hotels: + label_dict[slot] = "hotel" + elif slot == "hotel-star" and label_dict[slot] == "3 star hotel": + label_dict[slot] = "3" + elif "area" in slot: + if label_dict[slot] == "no": + label_dict[slot] = "north" + elif label_dict[slot] == "we": + label_dict[slot] = "west" + elif label_dict[slot] == "cent": + label_dict[slot] = "centre" + elif "day" in slot: + if label_dict[slot] == "we": + label_dict[slot] = "wednesday" + elif label_dict[slot] == "no": + label_dict[slot] = "none" + elif "price" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "ch": + label_dict[slot] = "cheap" + elif "internet" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "free": + label_dict[slot] = "yes" + + # some out-of-define classification slot values + if (slot == "restaurant-area" and label_dict[slot] in areas) or \ + (slot == "attraction-area" and + label_dict[slot] in attr_areas): label_dict[slot] = "none" - elif "price" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "ch": - label_dict[slot] = "cheap" - elif "internet" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "free": - label_dict[slot] = "yes" - - # some out-of-define classification slot values - if (slot == "restaurant-area" and label_dict[slot] in areas) or \ - (slot == "attraction-area" and - label_dict[slot] in attr_areas): - label_dict[slot] = "none" - - return label_dict + + return label_dict diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 10c7d612d738..209d2760d695 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -79,12 +79,14 @@ def __init__(self, self.to(self._device) def forward(self, inputs, input_lens=None): - bi_mask = np.random.binomial([np.ones(inputs.size())], - 1 - self.input_dropout)[0] - rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(self._device) - inputs_masked = inputs * rand_mask - - embedded = self.embedding(inputs_masked) + if self.input_dropout > 0: + bi_mask = np.random.binomial([np.ones(inputs.size())], + 1.0 - self.input_dropout)[0] + rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(self._device) + embedding_input = inputs * rand_mask + else: + embedding_input = inputs + embedded = self.embedding(embedding_input) embedded = self.dropout(embedded) if input_lens is not None: embedded = nn.utils.rnn.pack_padded_sequence(embedded, From 3226eb53e8368ab108bc046de2eb12b2692d7182 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 8 Jan 2020 17:41:56 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 034/138] Fixed the NAN bug caused by using torch.log(). Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 8 ++-- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 45 +++++++++---------- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 12 +++++ 3 files changed, 39 insertions(+), 26 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 158b24aee566..551cd6f2cc88 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -193,11 +193,13 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): if num_samples > 0 and len(data) >= num_samples: break - turn_uttr = turn['system_transcript'] + ' ; ' + turn['transcript'] + ' ; ' + turn_uttr = turn['system_transcript'] + ' ; ' + \ + turn['transcript'] + ' ; ' #turn_uttr = turn_uttr.strip() dialog_histories.append(turn_uttr) - turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], - self.slots) + turn_beliefs = \ + self.fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], + self.slots) turn_belief_list = [f'{k}-{v}' for k, v in turn_beliefs.items()] diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index 587ac08bb86a..1bd3cd83b670 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -166,7 +166,6 @@ def forward(self, dec_state, hidden = self.rnn(decoder_input.unsqueeze(1), hidden) enc_out = encoder_outputs.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) - # TODO: check here, take it out of loop #hidden = hidden.view(16, 30, -1).transpose(0, 1).clone().view(-1, 400) @@ -272,32 +271,32 @@ def _loss_function(self, logits, targets, mask): # -1 means infered from other dimentions logits_flat = logits.view(-1, logits.size(-1)) # print(logits_flat.size()) - log_probs_flat = torch.log(logits_flat) + eps = 1e-8 + log_probs_flat = torch.log(torch.clamp(logits_flat, min=eps)) # print("log_probs_flat", log_probs_flat) target_flat = targets.view(-1, 1) # print("target_flat", target_flat) losses_flat = -torch.gather(log_probs_flat, dim=1, index=target_flat) losses = losses_flat.view(*targets.size()) # b * |s| * m - loss = masking(losses, mask) + loss = self.masking(losses, mask) return loss - -def masking(losses, mask): - mask_ = [] - batch_size = mask.size(0) - max_len = losses.size(2) - for si in range(mask.size(1)): - seq_range = torch.arange(0, max_len).long() - seq_range_expand = seq_range.unsqueeze(0).expand(batch_size, max_len) - if mask[:, si].is_cuda: - seq_range_expand = seq_range_expand.cuda() - seq_length_expand = mask[:, si].unsqueeze( - 1).expand_as(seq_range_expand) - mask_.append((seq_range_expand < seq_length_expand)) - mask_ = torch.stack(mask_) - mask_ = mask_.transpose(0, 1) - if losses.is_cuda: - mask_ = mask_.cuda() - losses = losses * mask_.float() - loss = losses.sum() / (mask_.sum().float()) - return loss + def masking(self, losses, mask): + mask_ = [] + batch_size = mask.size(0) + max_len = losses.size(2) + for si in range(mask.size(1)): + seq_range = torch.arange(0, max_len).long() + seq_range_expand = seq_range.unsqueeze(0).expand(batch_size, max_len) + if mask[:, si].is_cuda: + seq_range_expand = seq_range_expand.cuda() + seq_length_expand = mask[:, si].unsqueeze( + 1).expand_as(seq_range_expand) + mask_.append((seq_range_expand < seq_length_expand)) + mask_ = torch.stack(mask_) + mask_ = mask_.transpose(0, 1) + if losses.is_cuda: + mask_ = mask_.cuda() + losses = losses * mask_.float() + loss = losses.sum() / (mask_.sum().float()) + return loss diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 7ffa18fc62d8..f249c6808c14 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -60,6 +60,15 @@ work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/{args.dataset_name.upper()}' +# TODO +# import torch +# torch.backends.cudnn.deterministic = True +# +# torch.manual_seed(999) +# if torch.cuda.is_available(): +# torch.cuda.manual_seed_all(999) + + nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory(backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, @@ -113,6 +122,7 @@ args.dropout, train_data_layer._dataset.slots, len(train_data_layer._dataset.gating_dict), + # TODO teacher_forcing=0.5) point_outputs, gate_outputs = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, @@ -210,8 +220,10 @@ warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion) grad_norm_clip = args.grad_norm_clip if args.grad_norm_clip > 0 else None +# TODO nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[train_loss], callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], + #callbacks=[train_callback, ckpt_callback], #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, From 3c260105ace0a0f0fd428a4d42292d9f84c13c8d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 8 Jan 2020 17:47:33 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 035/138] Enabled weight decay. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index f249c6808c14..128dc3e8f201 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -229,5 +229,5 @@ optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, "lr": args.lr, "grad_norm_clip": grad_norm_clip, - #"weight_decay": args.weight_decay + "weight_decay": args.weight_decay }) From 8b8e743a10ab1b5eb1b6e692030a6c4c48fe74ff Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 9 Jan 2020 15:16:56 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 036/138] Fixed Nemo bug on list of params to optimize. Added input_dropout param. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 4 ++-- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 2 +- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 10 ++++++---- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py | 3 ++- 4 files changed, 11 insertions(+), 8 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 551cd6f2cc88..04dd3347fc4a 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -8,10 +8,10 @@ class Vocab: """ + UNK_token = 0 PAD_token = 1 SOS_token = 3 EOS_token = 2 - UNK_token = 0 """ def __init__(self): @@ -144,7 +144,7 @@ def create_vocab(self): self.vocab.add_words(turn['system_transcript'], 'utterance') self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') - turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], + turn_beliefs = self.fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], self.slots) # self.mem_vocab.add_words(turn_beliefs, 'belief') diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index 1bd3cd83b670..a2106be11af8 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -271,7 +271,7 @@ def _loss_function(self, logits, targets, mask): # -1 means infered from other dimentions logits_flat = logits.view(-1, logits.size(-1)) # print(logits_flat.size()) - eps = 1e-8 + eps = 1e-10 log_probs_flat = torch.log(torch.clamp(logits_flat, min=eps)) # print("log_probs_flat", log_probs_flat) target_flat = targets.view(-1, 1) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 128dc3e8f201..f0d52809767e 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -34,6 +34,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--hid_dim", default=400, type=int) parser.add_argument("--n_layers", default=1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--dropout", default=0.2, type=float) +parser.add_argument("--input_dropout", default=0.2, type=float) parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/statetracking/multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--dataset_name", default='multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--train_file_prefix", default='train', type=str) @@ -51,6 +52,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--grad_norm_clip", type=float, default=-1, help="gradient clipping") parser.add_argument("--progress_bar", action='store_true') +parser.add_argument("--teacher_forcing", default=0.0, type=float) args = parser.parse_args() DOMAINS = {"attraction": 0, "restaurant": 1, "taxi": 2, "train": 3, "hotel": 4} @@ -112,7 +114,7 @@ args.hid_dim, args.dropout, args.n_layers, - input_dropout=args.dropout) + input_dropout=args.input_dropout) outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids, input_lens=src_lens) @@ -123,7 +125,7 @@ train_data_layer._dataset.slots, len(train_data_layer._dataset.gating_dict), # TODO - teacher_forcing=0.5) + teacher_forcing=args.teacher_forcing) point_outputs, gate_outputs = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, encoder_outputs=outputs, @@ -135,7 +137,7 @@ nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(train_data_layer.gating_dict)) ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() -total_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) # 1 or 2 +total_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) gate_loss_train = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs, labels=gate_labels) @@ -223,7 +225,7 @@ # TODO nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[train_loss], callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], - #callbacks=[train_callback, ckpt_callback], + # callbacks=[train_callback, ckpt_callback], #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py index 5d9f61febfb6..19395f9836c6 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py @@ -295,6 +295,7 @@ def create_optimizer(self, if isinstance(p, TrainableNM) or p.is_trainable() ] params_to_optimize = itertools.chain(*params_list) + params_to_optimize = set(params_to_optimize) if optimizer_params is None: optimizer_params = {} @@ -1220,7 +1221,7 @@ def train(self, if isinstance(p[0], TrainableNM) or p[0].is_trainable() ] params_to_optimize = itertools.chain(*params_list) - + params_to_optimize = set(params_to_optimize) # Setup optimizer instance. By default it is SGD optimizer_instance = None optimizer_class = None From 38da6a80f69b27d2f17218e273d607c597f7e528 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 9 Jan 2020 16:25:08 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 037/138] Fixed Nemo bug on list of params to optimize. Added input_dropout param. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 2 +- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 2 +- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 2 +- 3 files changed, 3 insertions(+), 3 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index a2106be11af8..9d4dd7ab1171 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -130,7 +130,7 @@ def forward(self, # use_teacher_forcing = False # TODO: made it 10 if not training, make it work with no targets - max_res_len = targets.shape[2] + max_res_len = targets.shape[2] if self.encoder.training else 10 batch_size = encoder_hidden.shape[0] targets = targets.transpose(0, 1) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index f0d52809767e..ee6ead788a30 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -225,7 +225,7 @@ # TODO nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[train_loss], callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], - # callbacks=[train_callback, ckpt_callback], + #callbacks=[train_callback, ckpt_callback], #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 209d2760d695..ce83c1e87280 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -79,7 +79,7 @@ def __init__(self, self.to(self._device) def forward(self, inputs, input_lens=None): - if self.input_dropout > 0: + if self.input_dropout > 0 and not self.training: bi_mask = np.random.binomial([np.ones(inputs.size())], 1.0 - self.input_dropout)[0] rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(self._device) From e2a41abc1f52c0ba59b62c57c04a259615f5223e Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 9 Jan 2020 16:49:36 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 038/138] Fixed evaluation bug. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index 9d4dd7ab1171..fd6193cb65dc 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -130,7 +130,7 @@ def forward(self, # use_teacher_forcing = False # TODO: made it 10 if not training, make it work with no targets - max_res_len = targets.shape[2] if self.encoder.training else 10 + max_res_len = targets.shape[2] if self.training else 10 batch_size = encoder_hidden.shape[0] targets = targets.transpose(0, 1) From ad90953269a2d2426b1ae13ad093d5a8d2fbaebe Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 9 Jan 2020 17:02:19 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 039/138] Update max_res_len to max of eval batch. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index fd6193cb65dc..1655547723e0 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -130,7 +130,7 @@ def forward(self, # use_teacher_forcing = False # TODO: made it 10 if not training, make it work with no targets - max_res_len = targets.shape[2] if self.training else 10 + max_res_len = targets.shape[2] # if self.training else 10 batch_size = encoder_hidden.shape[0] targets = targets.transpose(0, 1) From 18b404d5ee8a0a90b6eca1e9ad00d5a25ff97f8a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 10 Jan 2020 11:25:10 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 040/138] Disabled masking in eval. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 87 ++++++++++++------------ nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 2 +- 2 files changed, 45 insertions(+), 44 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index ee6ead788a30..05c66b16043c 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -84,7 +84,7 @@ total_cpus = os.cpu_count() num_workers = 0 # max(int(total_cpus / nf.world_size), 1) -train_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, +data_layer_train = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, num_samples=args.num_train_samples, shuffle=args.shuffle_data, @@ -92,11 +92,11 @@ local_rank=args.local_rank, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode='train') -src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gate_labels, turn_domain = \ - train_data_layer() -vocab_size = len(train_data_layer._dataset.vocab) +src_ids_train, src_lens_train, tgt_ids_train, \ + tgt_lens_train, gate_labels_train, turn_domain_train = data_layer_train() +vocab_size = len(data_layer_train._dataset.vocab) -train_data_size = len(train_data_layer) +train_data_size = len(data_layer_train) print(f'The length of train data layer is {train_data_size}') batch_size = args.batch_size @@ -116,38 +116,39 @@ args.n_layers, input_dropout=args.input_dropout) -outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids, input_lens=src_lens) +outputs_train, hidden_train = encoder(inputs=src_ids_train, + input_lens=src_lens_train) -decoder = nemo_nlp.DSTGenerator(train_data_layer._dataset.vocab, +decoder = nemo_nlp.DSTGenerator(data_layer_train._dataset.vocab, encoder.embedding, args.hid_dim, args.dropout, - train_data_layer._dataset.slots, - len(train_data_layer._dataset.gating_dict), + data_layer_train._dataset.slots, + len(data_layer_train._dataset.gating_dict), # TODO teacher_forcing=args.teacher_forcing) -point_outputs, gate_outputs = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, - encoder_outputs=outputs, - input_lens=src_lens, - src_ids=src_ids, - targets=tgt_ids) +point_outputs_train, gate_outputs_train = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden_train, + encoder_outputs=outputs_train, + input_lens=src_lens_train, + src_ids=src_ids_train, + targets=tgt_ids_train) gate_loss_fn = \ - nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(train_data_layer.gating_dict)) + nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_layer_train.gating_dict)) ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() total_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) -gate_loss_train = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs, - labels=gate_labels) -ptr_loss_train = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs, - targets=tgt_ids, - mask=tgt_lens) +gate_loss_train = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs_train, + labels=gate_labels_train) +ptr_loss_train = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs_train, + targets=tgt_ids_train, + mask=tgt_lens_train) -train_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_train, loss_2=ptr_loss_train) +loss_train = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_train, loss_2=ptr_loss_train) -eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, +data_layer_eval = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, DOMAINS, num_samples=args.num_eval_samples, shuffle=False, @@ -155,34 +156,34 @@ local_rank=args.local_rank, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode=args.eval_file_prefix) -(eval_src_ids, eval_src_lens, eval_tgt_ids, - eval_tgt_lens, eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain) = eval_data_layer() -outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=eval_src_ids, input_lens=eval_src_lens) -eval_point_outputs, eval_gate_outputs = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, +(src_ids_eval, src_lens_eval, tgt_ids_eval, + tgt_lens_eval, gate_labels_eval, turn_domain_eval) = data_layer_eval() +outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids_eval, input_lens=src_lens_eval) +point_outputs_eval, gate_outputs_eval = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, encoder_outputs=outputs, - input_lens=eval_src_lens, - src_ids=eval_src_ids, - targets=eval_tgt_ids) + input_lens=src_lens_eval, + src_ids=src_ids_eval, + targets=tgt_ids_eval) -gate_loss_eval = gate_loss_fn(logits=eval_gate_outputs, - labels=eval_gate_labels) +gate_loss_eval = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs_eval, + labels=gate_labels_eval) -ptr_loss_eval = ptr_loss_fn(logits=eval_point_outputs, - targets=eval_tgt_ids, - mask=eval_tgt_lens) +ptr_loss_eval = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs_eval, + targets=tgt_ids_eval, + mask=tgt_lens_eval) -eval_loss = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_eval, loss_2=ptr_loss_eval) +loss_eval = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_eval, loss_2=ptr_loss_eval) -eval_tensors = [eval_loss, eval_point_outputs, eval_gate_outputs, - eval_gate_labels, eval_turn_domain, eval_tgt_ids, eval_tgt_lens] +eval_tensors = [loss_eval, point_outputs_eval, gate_outputs_eval, + gate_labels_eval, turn_domain_eval, tgt_ids_eval, tgt_lens_eval] # Create progress bars if args.progress_bar: - iter_num_eval = math.ceil(len(eval_data_layer) / + iter_num_eval = math.ceil(len(data_layer_eval) / args.batch_size / nf.world_size) progress_bar_eval = tqdm(total=iter_num_eval, position=0, leave=False) - iter_num_train = math.ceil(len(train_data_layer) / + iter_num_train = math.ceil(len(data_layer_train) / args.batch_size / nf.world_size) progress_bar_train = tqdm(total=iter_num_train, position=0, leave=False) else: @@ -191,7 +192,7 @@ # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[train_loss, gate_loss_train, ptr_loss_train], + tensors=[loss_train, gate_loss_train, ptr_loss_train], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Loss:{str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3))}, ' f'Gate Loss:{str(np.round(x[1].item(), 3))}, ' f'Pointer Loss:{str(np.round(x[2].item(), 3))}'), @@ -205,9 +206,9 @@ eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_tensors, user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback( - x, y, eval_data_layer, progress_bar_eval), + x, y, data_layer_eval, progress_bar_eval), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( - x, eval_data_layer, progress_bar_eval), + x, data_layer_eval, progress_bar_eval), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, eval_step=steps_per_epoch) @@ -223,7 +224,7 @@ grad_norm_clip = args.grad_norm_clip if args.grad_norm_clip > 0 else None # TODO -nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[train_loss], +nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[loss_train], callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], #callbacks=[train_callback, ckpt_callback], #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index ce83c1e87280..46410f1f8627 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -79,7 +79,7 @@ def __init__(self, self.to(self._device) def forward(self, inputs, input_lens=None): - if self.input_dropout > 0 and not self.training: + if self.input_dropout > 0 and self.training: bi_mask = np.random.binomial([np.ones(inputs.size())], 1.0 - self.input_dropout)[0] rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(self._device) From e6533e5a3e8f44ba39b8229ea303bc7599d32edc Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 13 Jan 2020 14:47:33 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 041/138] Fixed input masking bug. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 12 +++++++++ examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 26 +++++++++++-------- nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 14 ++-------- 3 files changed, 29 insertions(+), 23 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index c9c8bb70a1a4..f32c10e9d062 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -863,6 +863,7 @@ def __init__(self, dataset_type=WOZDSTDataset, shuffle=False, num_workers=0, + input_dropout=0, **kwargs): kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size @@ -886,6 +887,8 @@ def __init__(self, sampler=sampler) self.pad_id = self._dataset.vocab.pad_id self.gating_dict = self._dataset.gating_dict + self.input_dropout = input_dropout + self.mode = mode def _collate_fn(self, data): """ data is a list of batch_size sample @@ -939,6 +942,15 @@ def pad_batch_response(sequences, pad_id): self._dataset.vocab.pad_id) gating_label = torch.tensor(item_info['gating_label']) turn_domain = torch.tensor(item_info['turn_domain']) + #print(src_lens.cpu()) + + if self.input_dropout > 0 and self.mode == 'train': + # TODO + # np.random.seed(0) + bi_mask = np.random.binomial([np.ones(src_ids.size())], + 1.0 - self.input_dropout)[0] + rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(src_ids.device) + src_ids = src_ids * rand_mask return (src_ids.to(self._device), src_lens.to(self._device), diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 05c66b16043c..4932c4a560d4 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -63,12 +63,14 @@ work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/{args.dataset_name.upper()}' # TODO -# import torch -# torch.backends.cudnn.deterministic = True -# -# torch.manual_seed(999) -# if torch.cuda.is_available(): -# torch.cuda.manual_seed_all(999) +import torch +torch.backends.cudnn.deterministic = True + +torch.manual_seed(999) +if torch.cuda.is_available(): + torch.cuda.manual_seed_all(999) +import random +random.seed(30) nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory(backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, @@ -91,7 +93,8 @@ num_workers=num_workers, local_rank=args.local_rank, batch_size=args.batch_size, - mode='train') + mode='train', + input_dropout=args.input_dropout) src_ids_train, src_lens_train, tgt_ids_train, \ tgt_lens_train, gate_labels_train, turn_domain_train = data_layer_train() vocab_size = len(data_layer_train._dataset.vocab) @@ -113,8 +116,7 @@ args.emb_dim, args.hid_dim, args.dropout, - args.n_layers, - input_dropout=args.input_dropout) + args.n_layers) outputs_train, hidden_train = encoder(inputs=src_ids_train, input_lens=src_lens_train) @@ -155,7 +157,9 @@ num_workers=num_workers, local_rank=args.local_rank, batch_size=args.batch_size, - mode=args.eval_file_prefix) + mode=args.eval_file_prefix, + input_dropout=args.input_dropout) + (src_ids_eval, src_lens_eval, tgt_ids_eval, tgt_lens_eval, gate_labels_eval, turn_domain_eval) = data_layer_eval() outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids_eval, input_lens=src_lens_eval) @@ -225,7 +229,7 @@ grad_norm_clip = args.grad_norm_clip if args.grad_norm_clip > 0 else None # TODO nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[loss_train], - callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], + callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], #callbacks=[train_callback, ckpt_callback], #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, diff --git a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 46410f1f8627..c9510666f75e 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -7,7 +7,6 @@ # noinspection PyPep8Naming import torch.nn.functional as F from torch import nn -import numpy as np from nemo.backends.pytorch.common.parts import Attention from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import TrainableNM @@ -59,11 +58,9 @@ def __init__(self, n_layers=1, pad_idx=1, embedding_to_load=None, - sum_hidden=True, - input_dropout=0.0): + sum_hidden=True): super().__init__() self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - self.input_dropout = input_dropout self.embedding = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) if embedding_to_load is not None: self.embedding.weight.data.copy_(embedding_to_load) @@ -79,14 +76,7 @@ def __init__(self, self.to(self._device) def forward(self, inputs, input_lens=None): - if self.input_dropout > 0 and self.training: - bi_mask = np.random.binomial([np.ones(inputs.size())], - 1.0 - self.input_dropout)[0] - rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(self._device) - embedding_input = inputs * rand_mask - else: - embedding_input = inputs - embedded = self.embedding(embedding_input) + embedded = self.embedding(inputs) embedded = self.dropout(embedded) if input_lens is not None: embedded = nn.utils.rnn.pack_padded_sequence(embedded, From 9e34cadd32017a0bda9042af7e9cb52c724f9f8f Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 13 Jan 2020 15:45:29 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 042/138] Added is_training to data layer. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 7 ++++--- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 2 ++ 2 files changed, 6 insertions(+), 3 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index f32c10e9d062..ba80de5bc494 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -864,6 +864,7 @@ def __init__(self, shuffle=False, num_workers=0, input_dropout=0, + is_training=False, **kwargs): kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size @@ -888,7 +889,7 @@ def __init__(self, self.pad_id = self._dataset.vocab.pad_id self.gating_dict = self._dataset.gating_dict self.input_dropout = input_dropout - self.mode = mode + self.is_training = is_training def _collate_fn(self, data): """ data is a list of batch_size sample @@ -944,9 +945,9 @@ def pad_batch_response(sequences, pad_id): turn_domain = torch.tensor(item_info['turn_domain']) #print(src_lens.cpu()) - if self.input_dropout > 0 and self.mode == 'train': + if self.input_dropout > 0 and self.is_training: # TODO - # np.random.seed(0) + #np.random.seed(0) bi_mask = np.random.binomial([np.ones(src_ids.size())], 1.0 - self.input_dropout)[0] rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(src_ids.device) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 4932c4a560d4..da4796862701 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -94,6 +94,7 @@ local_rank=args.local_rank, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode='train', + is_training=True, input_dropout=args.input_dropout) src_ids_train, src_lens_train, tgt_ids_train, \ tgt_lens_train, gate_labels_train, turn_domain_train = data_layer_train() @@ -158,6 +159,7 @@ local_rank=args.local_rank, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode=args.eval_file_prefix, + is_training=False, input_dropout=args.input_dropout) (src_ids_eval, src_lens_eval, tgt_ids_eval, From 3a466735572391d0bf5f149e64910ad78d78c3ce Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2020 14:57:51 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 043/138] Fixed 'none' handling in dataset loading. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 28 +++++++++++++------ .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 3 +- .../utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py | 26 ++++++++--------- 3 files changed, 34 insertions(+), 23 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 04dd3347fc4a..ced5212907d1 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -204,18 +204,30 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): turn_belief_list = [f'{k}-{v}' for k, v in turn_beliefs.items()] gating_label, responses = [], [] - for slot in self.slots: - gating_slot = slot - if gating_slot not in ['dontcare', 'none']: - gating_slot = 'ptr' - if slot in turn_beliefs: responses.append(str(turn_beliefs[slot])) + if turn_beliefs[slot] == "dontcare": + gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["dontcare"]) + elif turn_beliefs[slot] == "none": + gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["none"]) + else: + gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["ptr"]) else: - responses.append('none') - gating_slot = 'none' - gating_label.append(self.gating_dict[gating_slot]) + responses.append("none") + gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["none"]) + + # for slot in self.slots: + # gating_slot = slot + # if gating_slot not in ['dontcare', 'none']: + # gating_slot = 'ptr' + # + # if slot in turn_beliefs: + # responses.append(str(turn_beliefs[slot])) + # else: + # responses.append('none') + # gating_slot = 'none' + # gating_label.append(self.gating_dict[gating_slot]) sample = {'ID': dialog_dict['dialogue_idx'], 'domains': dialog_dict['domains'], diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index 1655547723e0..d4eb4bc01f40 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -121,7 +121,6 @@ def forward(self, # print('encoder_hidden', encoder_hidden.shape) - # TODO: commented here if (not self.training) \ or (random.random() > self.teacher_forcing): use_teacher_forcing = False @@ -200,7 +199,7 @@ def forward(self, all_point_outputs[:, :, wi, :] = torch.reshape( final_p_vocab, (len(self.slots), batch_size, self.vocab_size)) - # TODO: check here + if use_teacher_forcing: decoder_input = self.embedding(torch.flatten(targets[:, :, wi])) # targets[:, wi, :].transpose(1, 0))) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py index 7654668f44d0..68eb2c2645d6 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py @@ -69,22 +69,26 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1)) + # batch_size, slots_num, _ = gating_labels.size() + # words_all = [eval_data_layer.vocab.idx2word[w_idx.item()] + # for w_idx in point_outputs_max.view(-1)] + # # all_prediction = [] # for bi in range(batch_size): - # #if data_dev["ID"][bi] not in all_prediction.keys(): - # # all_prediction[data_dev["ID"][bi]] = {} - # predictions = {} - # predictions["turn_belief"] = turn_beliefs[bi] - # + # words_point_out = [[] for i in range(slots_num)] + # words = words_all[bi] + # for si in range(words_point_out): + # words_point_out[si].append(words[si * batch_size:(si + 1) * batch_size]) + # prediction = {"turn_belief": data_dev["turn_belief"][bi]} # predict_belief_bsz_ptr, predict_belief_bsz_class = [], [] - # gate = gating_labels[bi] #np.argmax(gates.transpose(0, 1)[bi], dim=1) + # gate = torch.argmax(gates.transpose(0, 1)[bi], dim=1) # # # pointer-generator results - # if eval_data_layer.use_gate: + # if args["use_gate"]: # for si, sg in enumerate(gate): - # if sg == eval_data_layer.gating_dict["none"]: + # if sg == self.gating_dict["none"]: # continue - # elif sg == eval_data_layer.gating_dict["ptr"]: + # elif sg == self.gating_dict["ptr"]: # pred = np.transpose(words[si])[bi] # st = [] # for e in pred: @@ -115,10 +119,6 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, # predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + str(st)) # # all_prediction[data_dev["ID"][bi]][data_dev["turn_id"][bi]]["pred_bs_ptr"] = predict_belief_bsz_ptr - # - # if set(data_dev["turn_belief"][bi]) != set(predict_belief_bsz_ptr) and args["genSample"]: - # print("True", set(data_dev["turn_belief"][bi])) - # print("Pred", set(predict_belief_bsz_ptr), "\n") def list2str(l): From 0897b17ba3a1926f46d3dfe41e6d0a8619feca3d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2020 16:52:24 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 044/138] Fixed evaluation on 'none' values. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 3 ++- .../utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py | 18 +++++++++++++++--- 2 files changed, 17 insertions(+), 4 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index ba80de5bc494..1012199272e4 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -890,6 +890,7 @@ def __init__(self, self.gating_dict = self._dataset.gating_dict self.input_dropout = input_dropout self.is_training = is_training + self.vocab = self._dataset.vocab def _collate_fn(self, data): """ data is a list of batch_size sample @@ -952,7 +953,7 @@ def pad_batch_response(sequences, pad_id): 1.0 - self.input_dropout)[0] rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(src_ids.device) src_ids = src_ids * rand_mask - + #print(item_info['turn_belief']) return (src_ids.to(self._device), src_lens.to(self._device), tgt_ids.to(self._device), diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py index 68eb2c2645d6..84fb623fff01 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py @@ -160,13 +160,25 @@ def evaluate_metrics(comp_res, gating_labels, gating_preds, ptr_code): for result_idx, result in enumerate(comp_res): turn_wrong = False total_turns += 1 - for slot_idx, slot in enumerate(result): + for slot_idx, slot_eq in enumerate(result): total_slots += 1 - if gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] == gating_preds[result_idx][slot_idx] and \ - (gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] != ptr_code or slot): + if gating_labels == ptr_code: + if slot_eq: + correct_slots += 1 + else: + turn_wrong = True + elif gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] \ + == gating_preds[result_idx][slot_idx] \ + or (slot_eq and + gating_preds[result_idx][slot_idx] == ptr_code): correct_slots += 1 else: turn_wrong = True + # if gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] == gating_preds[result_idx][slot_idx] and \ + # (gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] != ptr_code or slot_eq): + # correct_slots += 1 + # else: + # turn_wrong = True if not turn_wrong: correct_turns += 1 From 16761682a82b13ab94bf4a8a68054c4b5920d47c Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2020 16:53:42 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 045/138] Fixed evaluation on 'none' values. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py index 84fb623fff01..1467cf7f4c25 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py @@ -162,7 +162,7 @@ def evaluate_metrics(comp_res, gating_labels, gating_preds, ptr_code): total_turns += 1 for slot_idx, slot_eq in enumerate(result): total_slots += 1 - if gating_labels == ptr_code: + if gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] == ptr_code: if slot_eq: correct_slots += 1 else: From a7d0cd29d9fa9986992a1e0d18100ddc8820ccfb Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2020 17:33:48 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 046/138] Matched creating dialogue history. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 14 ++++++++------ 1 file changed, 8 insertions(+), 6 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py index ced5212907d1..d7c9a2166b0f 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -181,7 +181,7 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): if num_samples > 0 and len(data) >= num_samples: break - dialog_histories = [] + dialog_history = "" for domain in dialog_dict['domains']: if domain not in self.domains: continue @@ -194,9 +194,11 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): break turn_uttr = turn['system_transcript'] + ' ; ' + \ - turn['transcript'] + ' ; ' - #turn_uttr = turn_uttr.strip() - dialog_histories.append(turn_uttr) + turn['transcript'] + turn_uttr_strip = turn_uttr.strip() + dialog_history += (turn["system_transcript"] + " ; " + turn["transcript"] + " ; ") + source_text = dialog_history.strip() + turn_beliefs = \ self.fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], self.slots) @@ -233,10 +235,10 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): 'domains': dialog_dict['domains'], 'turn_domain': turn['domain'], 'turn_id': turn['turn_idx'], - 'dialogue_history': ''.join(dialog_histories).strip(), + 'dialogue_history': source_text, 'turn_belief': turn_belief_list, 'gating_label': gating_label, - 'turn_uttr': turn_uttr, + 'turn_uttr': turn_uttr_strip, 'responses': responses} sample['context_ids'] = self.vocab.tokens2ids(sample['dialogue_history'].split()) From c6ff2271e9c3e6d46b7fee24cb02d6e56c40603c Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2020 18:31:44 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 047/138] Disabled seeds for random gens. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 18 +++++++++--------- 1 file changed, 9 insertions(+), 9 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index da4796862701..f37ad305e116 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -63,14 +63,14 @@ work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/{args.dataset_name.upper()}' # TODO -import torch -torch.backends.cudnn.deterministic = True - -torch.manual_seed(999) -if torch.cuda.is_available(): - torch.cuda.manual_seed_all(999) -import random -random.seed(30) +# import torch +# torch.backends.cudnn.deterministic = True +# +# torch.manual_seed(999) +# if torch.cuda.is_available(): +# torch.cuda.manual_seed_all(999) +# import random +# random.seed(30) nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory(backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, @@ -231,7 +231,7 @@ grad_norm_clip = args.grad_norm_clip if args.grad_norm_clip > 0 else None # TODO nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[loss_train], - callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], + callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], #callbacks=[train_callback, ckpt_callback], #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, From 04502ed7f5ae867f93591364115dcfb25713569b Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2020 09:58:19 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 048/138] Fixed shuffle setting in data layer. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 2 +- .../data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 12 ------------ 2 files changed, 1 insertion(+), 13 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index 1012199272e4..c0df88f6e6dd 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -882,7 +882,7 @@ def __init__(self, self._dataloader = pt_data.DataLoader(dataset=self._dataset, batch_size=batch_size, - shuffle=False, + shuffle=sampler is None, num_workers=num_workers, collate_fn=self._collate_fn, sampler=sampler) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py index d7c9a2166b0f..dc0780e91edc 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -219,18 +219,6 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): responses.append("none") gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["none"]) - # for slot in self.slots: - # gating_slot = slot - # if gating_slot not in ['dontcare', 'none']: - # gating_slot = 'ptr' - # - # if slot in turn_beliefs: - # responses.append(str(turn_beliefs[slot])) - # else: - # responses.append('none') - # gating_slot = 'none' - # gating_label.append(self.gating_dict[gating_slot]) - sample = {'ID': dialog_dict['dialogue_idx'], 'domains': dialog_dict['domains'], 'turn_domain': turn['domain'], From ebdeb3f21c490d406776acf31e1afee1116ab3c7 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2020 10:14:24 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 049/138] First cleanup round. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 3 +- .../data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 40 +-------- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 48 +++-------- .../utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py | 83 ------------------- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 6 +- 5 files changed, 18 insertions(+), 162 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index c0df88f6e6dd..54b17b3f0980 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -944,7 +944,6 @@ def pad_batch_response(sequences, pad_id): self._dataset.vocab.pad_id) gating_label = torch.tensor(item_info['gating_label']) turn_domain = torch.tensor(item_info['turn_domain']) - #print(src_lens.cpu()) if self.input_dropout > 0 and self.is_training: # TODO @@ -953,7 +952,7 @@ def pad_batch_response(sequences, pad_id): 1.0 - self.input_dropout)[0] rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(src_ids.device) src_ids = src_ids * rand_mask - #print(item_info['turn_belief']) + return (src_ids.to(self._device), src_lens.to(self._device), tgt_ids.to(self._device), diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py index dc0780e91edc..e110a353fc47 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -89,7 +89,6 @@ def __init__(self, self.domains = domains self.all_domains = all_domains self.vocab = Vocab() - # self.mem_vocab = Vocab() ontology_file = open(f'{self.data_dir}/ontology.json', 'r') self.ontology = json.load(ontology_file) @@ -101,26 +100,16 @@ def __init__(self, def get_vocab(self): self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' - # self.mem_vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/mem_vocab.pkl' if self.mode != 'train' and (not os.path.exists(self.vocab_file)): - # if self.mode != 'train' and (not os.path.exists(self.vocab_file) or - # not os.path.exists(self.mem_vocab_file)): - # raise ValueError(f"{self.vocab_file} and {self.mem_vocab_file}" - # " don't exist!") raise ValueError(f"{self.vocab_file} doesn't exist!") if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file): - # if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file) and \ - # os.path.exists(self.mem_vocab_file): print(f'Loading vocab from {self.data_dir}') - # print(f'Loading vocab and mem_vocab from {self.data_dir}') self.vocab = pickle.load(open(self.vocab_file, 'rb')) - #self.mem_vocab = pickle.load(open(self.mem_vocab_file, 'rb')) else: self.create_vocab() - # print('Mem vocab size', len(self.mem_vocab)) print('Vocab size', len(self.vocab)) def get_slots(self): @@ -131,7 +120,6 @@ def get_slots(self): def create_vocab(self): self.vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') - #self.mem_vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') filename = f'{self.data_dir}/train_dials.json' print(f'Building vocab from {filename}') @@ -144,25 +132,17 @@ def create_vocab(self): self.vocab.add_words(turn['system_transcript'], 'utterance') self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') - turn_beliefs = self.fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], - self.slots) - # self.mem_vocab.add_words(turn_beliefs, 'belief') - + turn_beliefs = \ + self.fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], + self.slots) lengths = [len(turn_beliefs[slot]) for slot in self.slots if slot in turn_beliefs] lengths.append(max_value_len) max_value_len = max(lengths) - # if f'f{max_value_len - 1}' not in self.mem_vocab.word2idx: - # for time_i in range(max_value_len): - # self.mem_vocab.add_words(f't{time_i}', 'utterance') - - # print(f'Saving vocab and mem_vocab to {self.data_dir}') print(f'Saving vocab to {self.data_dir}') with open(self.vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: pickle.dump(self.vocab, handle) - # with open(self.mem_vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: - # pickle.dump(self.mem_vocab, handle) def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): @@ -254,20 +234,6 @@ def __len__(self): def __getitem__(self, idx): item = self.features[idx] - # context_ids = self.vocab.tokens2ids(item['dialog_history'].split()) - # # feature['context_ids'] = torch.Tensor(context_ids) - # item['context_ids'] = context_ids - # - # # TODO: Edited - # #print(item['responses']) - # try: - # y_ids = [self.vocab.tokens2ids(y.split() + [self.vocab.eos]) - # for y in item['responses']] - # except: - # print(item['responses'], idx) - # - # item['responses'] = y_ids - # item['turn_domain'] = self.all_domains[item['turn_domain']] return {'dialog_id': item['ID'], 'turn_id': item['turn_id'], diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index d4eb4bc01f40..01165e37f039 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -38,10 +38,6 @@ def create_ports(): 0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag) }), - # 'tgt_lens': NeuralType({ - # 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - # 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) - # }), 'targets': NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), # the number of slots @@ -71,7 +67,6 @@ def __init__(self, dropout, slots, nb_gate, - # batch_size=16, teacher_forcing=0.5): super().__init__() self.vocab_size = len(vocab) @@ -95,7 +90,6 @@ def __init__(self, self._slots_split_to_index() self.slot_emb = nn.Embedding(len(self.slot_w2i), hid_size) self.slot_emb.weight.data.normal_(0, 0.1) - # self.batch_size = batch_size self.to(self._device) def _slots_split_to_index(self): @@ -118,15 +112,12 @@ def forward(self, # encoder_hidden is batch_size x num_layers x hid_size # need domain + slot emb to be of the same size # domain emb + slot emb is batch_size x num_slots x slot_emb_dim - # print('encoder_hidden', encoder_hidden.shape) - if (not self.training) \ or (random.random() > self.teacher_forcing): use_teacher_forcing = False else: use_teacher_forcing = True - # use_teacher_forcing = False # TODO: made it 10 if not training, make it work with no targets max_res_len = targets.shape[2] # if self.training else 10 @@ -140,34 +131,24 @@ def forward(self, all_gate_outputs = torch.zeros(len(self.slots), batch_size, self.nb_gate, device=self._device) - #all_point_outputs = all_point_outputs.to(self._device) - #all_gate_outputs = all_gate_outputs.to(self._device) domain_emb = self.slot_emb(self.domain_idx).to(self._device) subslot_emb = self.slot_emb(self.subslot_idx).to(self._device) - slot_emb = domain_emb + subslot_emb # 30 x 400 - #slot_emb = slot_emb[None, :] # 1 x 30 x 400 - slot_emb = slot_emb.unsqueeze(1) #[None, :] # 1 x 30 x 400 - slot_emb = slot_emb.repeat(1, batch_size, 1) # 16 x 30 x 400 + slot_emb = domain_emb + subslot_emb + slot_emb = slot_emb.unsqueeze(1) + slot_emb = slot_emb.repeat(1, batch_size, 1) decoder_input = self.dropout( - slot_emb).view(-1, self.hidden_size) # 480 x 400 - # print('encoder_hidden', encoder_hidden.shape) # 16 x 1 x 400 + slot_emb).view(-1, self.hidden_size) hidden = encoder_hidden.transpose(0, 1).repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) - #hidden = encoder_hidden.repeat(1, len(self.slots), 1) hidden = hidden.view(-1, self.hidden_size).unsqueeze(0) - # print('hidden', hidden.shape) # 480 x 1 x 400 - #hidden = hidden.transpose(0, 1) # 1 x 480 x 400 - # 1 * (batch*|slot|) * emb + enc_len = input_lens.repeat(len(self.slots)) - # enc_len = input_lens * len(self.slots) for wi in range(max_res_len): dec_state, hidden = self.rnn(decoder_input.unsqueeze(1), hidden) - enc_out = encoder_outputs.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) - - #hidden = hidden.view(16, 30, -1).transpose(0, 1).clone().view(-1, 400) + enc_out = encoder_outputs.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) context_vec, logits, prob = self.attend(enc_out, hidden.squeeze(0), # 480 x 400 @@ -179,22 +160,22 @@ def forward(self, p_vocab = self.attend_vocab(self.embedding.weight, hidden.squeeze(0)) - #decoder_input = decoder_input.squeeze(1) p_gen_vec = torch.cat( [dec_state.squeeze(1), context_vec, decoder_input], -1) vocab_pointer_switches = self.sigmoid(self.w_ratio(p_gen_vec)) p_context_ptr = torch.zeros(p_vocab.size(), device=self._device) - #p_context_ptr = p_context_ptr.to(self._device) p_context_ptr.scatter_add_(1, src_ids.repeat(len(self.slots), 1), prob) - final_p_vocab = (1 - vocab_pointer_switches).expand_as(p_context_ptr) * p_context_ptr + \ + final_p_vocab = \ + (1 - vocab_pointer_switches).expand_as(p_context_ptr) \ + * p_context_ptr + \ vocab_pointer_switches.expand_as(p_context_ptr) * p_vocab pred_word = torch.argmax(final_p_vocab, dim=1) - words = [self.vocab.idx2word[w_idx.item()] - for w_idx in pred_word] + # words = [self.vocab.idx2word[w_idx.item()] + # for w_idx in pred_word] all_point_outputs[:, :, wi, :] = torch.reshape( final_p_vocab, @@ -202,9 +183,6 @@ def forward(self, if use_teacher_forcing: decoder_input = self.embedding(torch.flatten(targets[:, :, wi])) - # targets[:, wi, :].transpose(1, 0))) - # print('targets[:, wi, :]', targets[:, wi, :].shape) - # print('torch.flatten(targets[:, wi, :]', torch.flatten(targets[:, wi, :]).shape) else: decoder_input = self.embedding(pred_word) @@ -267,14 +245,10 @@ def __init__(self): LossNM.__init__(self) def _loss_function(self, logits, targets, mask): - # -1 means infered from other dimentions logits_flat = logits.view(-1, logits.size(-1)) - # print(logits_flat.size()) eps = 1e-10 log_probs_flat = torch.log(torch.clamp(logits_flat, min=eps)) - # print("log_probs_flat", log_probs_flat) target_flat = targets.view(-1, 1) - # print("target_flat", target_flat) losses_flat = -torch.gather(log_probs_flat, dim=1, index=target_flat) losses = losses_flat.view(*targets.size()) # b * |s| * m loss = self.masking(losses, mask) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py index 1467cf7f4c25..dfffde13cbee 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py @@ -1,12 +1,7 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation __all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] -import os -import random -import time - import numpy as np -from sklearn.metrics import confusion_matrix, classification_report from nemo.utils.exp_logging import get_logger @@ -45,89 +40,16 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, progress_bar.update() progress_bar.set_description(f"Loss: {str(loss_numpy)}") - # # Set to not-training mode to disable dropout - # self.encoder.train(False) - # self.decoder.train(False) - #print("STARTING EVALUATION") - #all_prediction = {} - #inverse_unpoint_slot = dict([(v, k) for k, v in eval_data_layer.gating_dict.items()]) - - #batch_size = len(data_dev['context_len']) - #batch_size = len(gating_labels) - #_, gates, words, class_words = self.encode_and_decode(data_dev, False, slot_temp) - point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == eval_data_layer.pad_id) comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res) - # TODO: replace gating_lables with gating_outputs - #mask_gating = (gating_labels == eval_data_layer.gating_dict["ptr"]) - #comp_res = np.logical_or(comp_res, mask_gating) - #comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) - global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1)) - # batch_size, slots_num, _ = gating_labels.size() - # words_all = [eval_data_layer.vocab.idx2word[w_idx.item()] - # for w_idx in point_outputs_max.view(-1)] - # - # all_prediction = [] - # for bi in range(batch_size): - # words_point_out = [[] for i in range(slots_num)] - # words = words_all[bi] - # for si in range(words_point_out): - # words_point_out[si].append(words[si * batch_size:(si + 1) * batch_size]) - # prediction = {"turn_belief": data_dev["turn_belief"][bi]} - # predict_belief_bsz_ptr, predict_belief_bsz_class = [], [] - # gate = torch.argmax(gates.transpose(0, 1)[bi], dim=1) - # - # # pointer-generator results - # if args["use_gate"]: - # for si, sg in enumerate(gate): - # if sg == self.gating_dict["none"]: - # continue - # elif sg == self.gating_dict["ptr"]: - # pred = np.transpose(words[si])[bi] - # st = [] - # for e in pred: - # if e == 'EOS': - # break - # else: - # st.append(e) - # st = " ".join(st) - # if st == "none": - # continue - # else: - # predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + str(st)) - # else: - # predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + inverse_unpoint_slot[sg.item()]) - # else: - # for si, _ in enumerate(gate): - # pred = np.transpose(words[si])[bi] - # st = [] - # for e in pred: - # if e == 'EOS': - # break - # else: - # st.append(e) - # st = " ".join(st) - # if st == "none": - # continue - # else: - # predict_belief_bsz_ptr.append(slot_temp[si] + "-" + str(st)) - # - # all_prediction[data_dev["ID"][bi]][data_dev["turn_id"][bi]]["pred_bs_ptr"] = predict_belief_bsz_ptr - - -def list2str(l): - return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) - def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, eval_data_layer, progress_bar=None): - #loss = np.mean(global_vars['loss']) - #print(f'Loss: {loss}') if progress_bar: progress_bar.reset() @@ -174,11 +96,6 @@ def evaluate_metrics(comp_res, gating_labels, gating_preds, ptr_code): correct_slots += 1 else: turn_wrong = True - # if gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] == gating_preds[result_idx][slot_idx] and \ - # (gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] != ptr_code or slot_eq): - # correct_slots += 1 - # else: - # turn_wrong = True if not turn_wrong: correct_turns += 1 diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index f37ad305e116..581d9a6f4f2d 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -29,7 +29,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.1, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr", default=0.001, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default="WarmupAnnealing", type=str) -parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.01, type=float) +parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.0, type=float) parser.add_argument("--emb_dim", default=400, type=int) parser.add_argument("--hid_dim", default=400, type=int) parser.add_argument("--n_layers", default=1, type=int) @@ -49,10 +49,10 @@ parser.add_argument("--shuffle_data", action='store_true') parser.add_argument("--num_train_samples", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_eval_samples", default=-1, type=int) -parser.add_argument("--grad_norm_clip", type=float, default=-1, +parser.add_argument("--grad_norm_clip", type=float, default=10, help="gradient clipping") parser.add_argument("--progress_bar", action='store_true') -parser.add_argument("--teacher_forcing", default=0.0, type=float) +parser.add_argument("--teacher_forcing", default=0.5, type=float) args = parser.parse_args() DOMAINS = {"attraction": 0, "restaurant": 1, "taxi": 2, "train": 3, "hotel": 4} From a881535f374c72c8e416ae407c4351e3157faf78 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2020 14:17:44 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 050/138] Made it work with no target during evaluation. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 13 +++++-------- 1 file changed, 5 insertions(+), 8 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index 01165e37f039..c019a38d8e6a 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -108,10 +108,7 @@ def forward(self, encoder_outputs, input_lens, src_ids, - targets): - # encoder_hidden is batch_size x num_layers x hid_size - # need domain + slot emb to be of the same size - # domain emb + slot emb is batch_size x num_slots x slot_emb_dim + targets=None): if (not self.training) \ or (random.random() > self.teacher_forcing): @@ -119,11 +116,11 @@ def forward(self, else: use_teacher_forcing = True - # TODO: made it 10 if not training, make it work with no targets - max_res_len = targets.shape[2] # if self.training else 10 + max_res_len = targets.shape[2] if targets is not None else 10 batch_size = encoder_hidden.shape[0] - targets = targets.transpose(0, 1) + if targets is not None: + targets = targets.transpose(0, 1) all_point_outputs = torch.zeros(len(self.slots), batch_size, max_res_len, @@ -181,7 +178,7 @@ def forward(self, final_p_vocab, (len(self.slots), batch_size, self.vocab_size)) - if use_teacher_forcing: + if use_teacher_forcing and targets is not None: decoder_input = self.embedding(torch.flatten(targets[:, :, wi])) else: decoder_input = self.embedding(pred_word) From d5da3e4b4308ce61bb6a902f4735d78e28c1472d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2020 15:46:41 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 051/138] Reversed no target support. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 14 ++++++++------ examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 1 - 2 files changed, 8 insertions(+), 7 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index c019a38d8e6a..76e747c2b178 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ def create_ports(): }), 'targets': NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), # the number of slots + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(TimeTag) }), @@ -116,11 +116,12 @@ def forward(self, else: use_teacher_forcing = True - max_res_len = targets.shape[2] if targets is not None else 10 + #TODO: set max_res_len to 10 in evaluation mode + max_res_len = targets.shape[2] # if targets is not None else 10 batch_size = encoder_hidden.shape[0] - if targets is not None: - targets = targets.transpose(0, 1) + targets = targets.transpose(0, 1) + all_point_outputs = torch.zeros(len(self.slots), batch_size, max_res_len, @@ -178,7 +179,7 @@ def forward(self, final_p_vocab, (len(self.slots), batch_size, self.vocab_size)) - if use_teacher_forcing and targets is not None: + if use_teacher_forcing: decoder_input = self.embedding(torch.flatten(targets[:, :, wi])) else: decoder_input = self.embedding(pred_word) @@ -257,7 +258,8 @@ def masking(self, losses, mask): max_len = losses.size(2) for si in range(mask.size(1)): seq_range = torch.arange(0, max_len).long() - seq_range_expand = seq_range.unsqueeze(0).expand(batch_size, max_len) + seq_range_expand = \ + seq_range.unsqueeze(0).expand(batch_size, max_len) if mask[:, si].is_cuda: seq_range_expand = seq_range_expand.cuda() seq_length_expand = mask[:, si].unsqueeze( diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 581d9a6f4f2d..7274beafbef1 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -128,7 +128,6 @@ args.dropout, data_layer_train._dataset.slots, len(data_layer_train._dataset.gating_dict), - # TODO teacher_forcing=args.teacher_forcing) point_outputs_train, gate_outputs_train = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden_train, From 58748d1d679c2c6f5bd2dd029c79ba0cb52f56b5 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2020 16:02:56 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 052/138] Removed f1 score. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py | 8 +++----- 1 file changed, 3 insertions(+), 5 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py index dfffde13cbee..bee93633f838 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py @@ -54,7 +54,7 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, eval_data_layer, progress_bar=None): if progress_bar: progress_bar.reset() - joint_acc, turn_acc, F1 = \ + joint_acc, turn_acc = \ evaluate_metrics(global_vars['comp_res'], global_vars['gating_labels'], global_vars['gating_preds'], @@ -65,7 +65,6 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, eval_data_layer, progress_bar=None): evaluation_metrics = {"Joint_Goal_Acc": joint_acc, "Turn_Acc": turn_acc, - "Joint_F1": F1, "Gate_Acc": gating_acc} print(evaluation_metrics) @@ -73,12 +72,11 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, eval_data_layer, progress_bar=None): def evaluate_metrics(comp_res, gating_labels, gating_preds, ptr_code): + # TODO: Calculate precision, recall, and F1 total_slots = 0 correct_slots = 0 total_turns = 0 correct_turns = 0 - TP, FP, FN = 0, 0, 0 - F1 = 0 for result_idx, result in enumerate(comp_res): turn_wrong = False total_turns += 1 @@ -101,4 +99,4 @@ def evaluate_metrics(comp_res, gating_labels, gating_preds, ptr_code): turn_acc = correct_slots / float(total_slots) if total_slots != 0 else 0 joint_acc = correct_turns / float(total_turns) if total_turns != 0 else 0 - return joint_acc, turn_acc, F1 + return joint_acc, turn_acc From bbf5b69abe6ab1e47c755ccbbf7a3c3031563a2f Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2020 16:42:05 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 053/138] Removed progress bar. Code cleaned. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 14 +--- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 1 - .../utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py | 13 +-- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 79 ++++++------------- nemo/nemo/core/callbacks.py | 10 +-- 5 files changed, 30 insertions(+), 87 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index 54b17b3f0980..4210195103e0 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -838,13 +838,13 @@ def create_ports(): }), "tgt_ids": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), # number of slots + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(TimeTag) }), "tgt_lens": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), - 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) # number of slots + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) }), "gating_labels": NeuralType({ 0: AxisType(BatchTag), @@ -891,6 +891,7 @@ def __init__(self, self.input_dropout = input_dropout self.is_training = is_training self.vocab = self._dataset.vocab + self.slots = self._dataset.slots def _collate_fn(self, data): """ data is a list of batch_size sample @@ -927,18 +928,11 @@ def pad_batch_response(sequences, pad_id): lengths = torch.tensor(lengths) return padded_seqs, lengths - - # TODO: check here - """ sort the lengths for pack_padded_sequence, otherwise this error - `lengths` array must be sorted in decreasing order when - `enforce_sorted` is True - """ data.sort(key=lambda x: len(x['context_ids']), reverse=True) item_info = {} for key in data[0]: item_info[key] = [item[key] for item in data] - # merge sequences src_ids, src_lens = pad_batch_context(item_info['context_ids']) tgt_ids, tgt_lens = pad_batch_response(item_info['responses_ids'], self._dataset.vocab.pad_id) @@ -946,8 +940,6 @@ def pad_batch_response(sequences, pad_id): turn_domain = torch.tensor(item_info['turn_domain']) if self.input_dropout > 0 and self.is_training: - # TODO - #np.random.seed(0) bi_mask = np.random.binomial([np.ones(src_ids.size())], 1.0 - self.input_dropout)[0] rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(src_ids.device) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index 76e747c2b178..ad64f2be6c35 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -8,7 +8,6 @@ from torch import nn as nn import torch.nn.functional as F -import nemo from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import TrainableNM, LossNM from nemo.core.neural_types import (NeuralType, AxisType, diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py index bee93633f838..9ecf4cc0299b 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py @@ -10,8 +10,7 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars, - eval_data_layer, - progress_bar=None): + eval_data_layer): if 'loss' not in global_vars: global_vars['loss'] = [] @@ -36,10 +35,6 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, if kv.startswith('tgt_ids'): tgt_ids = v[0].cpu().numpy() - if progress_bar: - progress_bar.update() - progress_bar.set_description(f"Loss: {str(loss_numpy)}") - point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == eval_data_layer.pad_id) comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) @@ -49,11 +44,7 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1)) -def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, eval_data_layer, progress_bar=None): - - if progress_bar: - progress_bar.reset() - +def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, eval_data_layer): joint_acc, turn_acc = \ evaluate_metrics(global_vars['comp_res'], global_vars['gating_labels'], diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 7274beafbef1..477c4c0be440 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -8,9 +8,7 @@ import math import numpy as np -from tqdm import tqdm -from nemo.core import DeviceType import nemo from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import EncoderRNN from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy @@ -51,7 +49,6 @@ parser.add_argument("--num_eval_samples", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--grad_norm_clip", type=float, default=10, help="gradient clipping") -parser.add_argument("--progress_bar", action='store_true') parser.add_argument("--teacher_forcing", default=0.5, type=float) args = parser.parse_args() @@ -62,43 +59,31 @@ work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/{args.dataset_name.upper()}' -# TODO -# import torch -# torch.backends.cudnn.deterministic = True -# -# torch.manual_seed(999) -# if torch.cuda.is_available(): -# torch.cuda.manual_seed_all(999) -# import random -# random.seed(30) - - nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory(backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=work_dir, create_tb_writer=True, files_to_copy=[__file__], - add_time_to_log_dir=True, - #placement=CPU + add_time_to_log_dir=True ) total_cpus = os.cpu_count() -num_workers = 0 # max(int(total_cpus / nf.world_size), 1) +num_workers = 0 data_layer_train = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, - DOMAINS, - num_samples=args.num_train_samples, - shuffle=args.shuffle_data, - num_workers=num_workers, - local_rank=args.local_rank, - batch_size=args.batch_size, - mode='train', - is_training=True, - input_dropout=args.input_dropout) + DOMAINS, + num_samples=args.num_train_samples, + shuffle=args.shuffle_data, + num_workers=num_workers, + local_rank=args.local_rank, + batch_size=args.batch_size, + mode='train', + is_training=True, + input_dropout=args.input_dropout) src_ids_train, src_lens_train, tgt_ids_train, \ - tgt_lens_train, gate_labels_train, turn_domain_train = data_layer_train() -vocab_size = len(data_layer_train._dataset.vocab) + tgt_lens_train, gate_labels_train, turn_domain_train = data_layer_train() +vocab_size = len(data_layer_train.vocab) train_data_size = len(data_layer_train) print(f'The length of train data layer is {train_data_size}') @@ -122,12 +107,12 @@ outputs_train, hidden_train = encoder(inputs=src_ids_train, input_lens=src_lens_train) -decoder = nemo_nlp.DSTGenerator(data_layer_train._dataset.vocab, +decoder = nemo_nlp.DSTGenerator(data_layer_train.vocab, encoder.embedding, args.hid_dim, args.dropout, - data_layer_train._dataset.slots, - len(data_layer_train._dataset.gating_dict), + data_layer_train.slots, + len(data_layer_train.gating_dict), teacher_forcing=args.teacher_forcing) point_outputs_train, gate_outputs_train = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden_train, @@ -143,10 +128,10 @@ total_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) gate_loss_train = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs_train, - labels=gate_labels_train) + labels=gate_labels_train) ptr_loss_train = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs_train, - targets=tgt_ids_train, - mask=tgt_lens_train) + targets=tgt_ids_train, + mask=tgt_lens_train) loss_train = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_train, loss_2=ptr_loss_train) @@ -171,7 +156,7 @@ targets=tgt_ids_eval) gate_loss_eval = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs_eval, - labels=gate_labels_eval) + labels=gate_labels_eval) ptr_loss_eval = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs_eval, targets=tgt_ids_eval, @@ -182,19 +167,6 @@ eval_tensors = [loss_eval, point_outputs_eval, gate_outputs_eval, gate_labels_eval, turn_domain_eval, tgt_ids_eval, tgt_lens_eval] -# Create progress bars -if args.progress_bar: - iter_num_eval = math.ceil(len(data_layer_eval) / - args.batch_size / nf.world_size) - progress_bar_eval = tqdm(total=iter_num_eval, position=0, leave=False) - - iter_num_train = math.ceil(len(data_layer_train) / - args.batch_size / nf.world_size) - progress_bar_train = tqdm(total=iter_num_train, position=0, leave=False) -else: - progress_bar_eval = None - progress_bar_train = None - # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=[loss_train, gate_loss_train, ptr_loss_train], @@ -205,19 +177,17 @@ get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]], ["gate_loss", x[1]], ["pointer_loss", x[2]]], - step_freq=steps_per_epoch, - progress_bar=progress_bar_train) + step_freq=steps_per_epoch) eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_tensors, user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback( - x, y, data_layer_eval, progress_bar_eval), + x, y, data_layer_eval), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( - x, data_layer_eval, progress_bar_eval), + x, data_layer_eval), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, eval_step=steps_per_epoch) -# Create callback to save checkpoints ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, @@ -228,10 +198,9 @@ warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion) grad_norm_clip = args.grad_norm_clip if args.grad_norm_clip > 0 else None -# TODO + nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[loss_train], callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], - #callbacks=[train_callback, ckpt_callback], #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, diff --git a/nemo/nemo/core/callbacks.py b/nemo/nemo/core/callbacks.py index 8c65e25ac277..3f19a57eaad7 100644 --- a/nemo/nemo/core/callbacks.py +++ b/nemo/nemo/core/callbacks.py @@ -144,8 +144,7 @@ def __init__(self, get_tb_values=None, log_to_tb_func=None, step_freq=25, - tb_writer=None, - progress_bar=None): + tb_writer=None): super().__init__() if not isinstance(tensors, list): @@ -159,7 +158,6 @@ def __init__(self, self._start_time = None self._last_epoch_start = None self._last_iter_start = None - self._progress_bar = progress_bar @property def tensors(self): @@ -177,16 +175,12 @@ def on_action_end(self): self.logger.info(f"Done in {time.time() - self._start_time}") def on_epoch_start(self): - if self._progress_bar: - self._progress_bar.reset() if self.global_rank is None or self.global_rank == 0: self.logger.info(f"Starting epoch {self.epoch_num}") self._last_epoch_start = time.time() def on_epoch_end(self): if self.global_rank is None or self.global_rank == 0: - if self._progress_bar: - self._progress_bar.reset() step = self.step run_time = time.time() - self._last_epoch_start self.logger.info(f"Finished epoch {self.epoch_num} in {run_time}") @@ -202,8 +196,6 @@ def on_iteration_start(self): def on_iteration_end(self): if self.global_rank is None or self.global_rank == 0: - if self._progress_bar: - self._progress_bar.update() step = self.step if step % self._step_freq == 0: tensor_values = [ From fe1537f3bb568cac3628ac42f77f512aa0be3772 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2020 17:13:01 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 054/138] Removed unused parameters. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 2 -- 1 file changed, 2 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 477c4c0be440..8cff8f8e2ccc 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -21,7 +21,6 @@ parser.add_argument("--local_rank", default=None, type=int) parser.add_argument("--batch_size", default=16, type=int) parser.add_argument("--eval_batch_size", default=16, type=int) -parser.add_argument("--max_seq_length", default=50, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_gpus", default=1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_epochs", default=10, type=int) parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.1, type=float) @@ -43,7 +42,6 @@ parser.add_argument("--optimizer_kind", default="adam", type=str) parser.add_argument("--amp_opt_level", default="O0", type=str, choices=["O0", "O1", "O2"]) -parser.add_argument("--do_lower_case", action='store_true') parser.add_argument("--shuffle_data", action='store_true') parser.add_argument("--num_train_samples", default=-1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_eval_samples", default=-1, type=int) From e91efd5cd9f0693544cc2e9bd841dbe703a6fc6a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2020 17:33:16 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 055/138] Added lr_policy support. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 13 ++++++++----- 1 file changed, 8 insertions(+), 5 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 8cff8f8e2ccc..79f87768568b 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -25,7 +25,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--num_epochs", default=10, type=int) parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.1, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr", default=0.001, type=float) -parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default="WarmupAnnealing", type=str) +parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default=None, type=str) parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.0, type=float) parser.add_argument("--emb_dim", default=400, type=int) parser.add_argument("--hid_dim", default=400, type=int) @@ -191,15 +191,18 @@ epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq) -lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy(args.lr_policy, - total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, - warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion) +if args.lr_policy is not None: + lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy(args.lr_policy, + total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, + warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion) +else: + lr_policy_fn = None grad_norm_clip = args.grad_norm_clip if args.grad_norm_clip > 0 else None nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[loss_train], callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], - #lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, + lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, "lr": args.lr, From 90b8b39bf126f36291be1958d2a76935065e423c Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2020 17:41:09 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 056/138] Set default warmup to zero. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 5 +++-- 1 file changed, 3 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 79f87768568b..cc10c7317a63 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -23,7 +23,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--eval_batch_size", default=16, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_gpus", default=1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--num_epochs", default=10, type=int) -parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.1, type=float) +parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.0, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr", default=0.001, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default=None, type=str) parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.0, type=float) @@ -194,7 +194,8 @@ if args.lr_policy is not None: lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy(args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, - warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion) + warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, + min_lr=1e-4) else: lr_policy_fn = None From 224b7245759f38c693b34b91cbeee7a249c002fc Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 16 Jan 2020 17:37:34 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 057/138] Set default to MultiWOZ 2.1 Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 4 ++-- 1 file changed, 2 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index cc10c7317a63..eb9831ef9c64 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ eval_iter_callback, eval_epochs_done_callback parser = argparse.ArgumentParser( - description='TRADE for MultiWOZ 2.1 dialog state tracking') + description='TRADE for MultiWOZ dialog state tracking') parser.add_argument("--local_rank", default=None, type=int) parser.add_argument("--batch_size", default=16, type=int) parser.add_argument("--eval_batch_size", default=16, type=int) @@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--n_layers", default=1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--dropout", default=0.2, type=float) parser.add_argument("--input_dropout", default=0.2, type=float) -parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/statetracking/multiwoz', type=str) +parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/statetracking/multiwoz2.1', type=str) parser.add_argument("--dataset_name", default='multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--train_file_prefix", default='train', type=str) parser.add_argument("--eval_file_prefix", default='test', type=str) From fd38b2b678c3ceabebe80945ab824b6be797c048 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 22 Jan 2020 18:03:06 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 058/138] Added min_lr parameter. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py | 6 +++--- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 3 ++- 2 files changed, 5 insertions(+), 4 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py index ad64f2be6c35..fdd853e700e9 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py @@ -115,8 +115,9 @@ def forward(self, else: use_teacher_forcing = True - #TODO: set max_res_len to 10 in evaluation mode - max_res_len = targets.shape[2] # if targets is not None else 10 + # TODO: set max_res_len to 10 in evaluation mode. + # if targets are not provided, set it to 10 + max_res_len = targets.shape[2] batch_size = encoder_hidden.shape[0] targets = targets.transpose(0, 1) @@ -148,7 +149,6 @@ def forward(self, enc_out = encoder_outputs.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) context_vec, logits, prob = self.attend(enc_out, hidden.squeeze(0), - # 480 x 400 enc_len) if wi == 0: diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index eb9831ef9c64..5c984ef634a1 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -26,6 +26,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.0, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr", default=0.001, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default=None, type=str) +parser.add_argument("--min_lr", default=1e-4, type=str) parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.0, type=float) parser.add_argument("--emb_dim", default=400, type=int) parser.add_argument("--hid_dim", default=400, type=int) @@ -195,7 +196,7 @@ lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy(args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, - min_lr=1e-4) + min_lr=args.min_lr) else: lr_policy_fn = None From 488111eb44ff73f60c768e7d6f9e20420c95d02b Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 23 Jan 2020 14:25:00 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 059/138] Fixed min_lr parameter. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 5c984ef634a1..d4b715cd59df 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -26,7 +26,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.0, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr", default=0.001, type=float) parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default=None, type=str) -parser.add_argument("--min_lr", default=1e-4, type=str) +parser.add_argument("--min_lr", default=1e-4, type=float) parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.0, type=float) parser.add_argument("--emb_dim", default=400, type=int) parser.add_argument("--hid_dim", default=400, type=int) From 2075413bae29f207f8f0047dbd64e237353631c5 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Thu, 23 Jan 2020 19:03:37 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 060/138] Added datadesc and pipeline creaters. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 12 +- .../nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py | 2 +- .../data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 272 ++---------------- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py | 269 ++++++++++++++++- ...ng.py => dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py} | 184 +++++++----- 5 files changed, 403 insertions(+), 336 deletions(-) rename examples/nlp/{dialogue_state_tracking.py => dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py} (56%) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index 4210195103e0..8720c94fc859 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -857,10 +857,14 @@ def create_ports(): def __init__(self, data_dir, domains, + all_domains, + vocab, + slots, + gating_dict, num_samples=-1, batch_size=16, mode='train', - dataset_type=WOZDSTDataset, + dataset_type=MultiWOZDataset, shuffle=False, num_workers=0, input_dropout=0, @@ -872,7 +876,11 @@ def __init__(self, 'domains': domains, 'num_samples': num_samples, 'mode': mode, - 'shuffle': shuffle} + 'shuffle': shuffle, + 'all_domains': all_domains, + 'vocab': vocab, + 'slots': slots, + 'gating_dict': gating_dict} super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) if self._placement == nemo.core.DeviceType.AllGpu: diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py index c6fa6b17283e..c25c78340eb6 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ from .bert_pretraining import (BertPretrainingDataset, BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataset) -from .dialogue_state_tracking import WOZDSTDataset +from .dialogue_state_tracking import MultiWOZDataset from .glue import GLUEDataset from .joint_intent_slot import (BertJointIntentSlotDataset, BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py index e110a353fc47..950038dd1f3a 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -4,64 +4,10 @@ import random from torch.utils.data import Dataset +from nemo_nlp.data.datasets.utils import fix_general_label_error_multiwoz -class Vocab: - """ - UNK_token = 0 - PAD_token = 1 - SOS_token = 3 - EOS_token = 2 - """ - - def __init__(self): - self.word2idx = {'UNK': 0, 'PAD': 1, 'EOS': 2, 'BOS': 3} - self.idx2word = ['UNK', 'PAD', 'EOS', 'BOS'] - self.unk_id = self.word2idx['UNK'] - self.pad_id = self.word2idx['PAD'] - self.eos_id = self.word2idx['EOS'] - self.bos_id = self.word2idx['BOS'] - self.unk, self.pad, self.eos, self.bos = 'UNK', 'PAD', 'EOS', 'BOS' - - def __len__(self): - return len(self.idx2word) - - def add_word(self, word): - if word not in self.word2idx: - self.word2idx[word] = len(self.idx2word) - self.idx2word.append(word) - - def add_words(self, sent, level): - """ - level == 'utterance': sent is a string - level == 'slot': sent is a list - level == 'belief': sent is a dictionary - """ - if level == 'utterance': - for word in sent.split(): - self.add_word(word) - elif level == 'slot': - for slot in sent: - domain, info = slot.split('-') - self.add_word(domain) - for subslot in info.split(' '): - self.add_word(subslot) - elif level == 'belief': - for slot, value in sent.items(): - domain, info = slot.split('-') - self.add_word(domain) - for subslot in info.split(' '): - self.add_word(subslot) - for val in value.split(' '): - self.add_word(val) - - def tokens2ids(self, tokens): - """Converts list of tokens to list of ids.""" - return [self.word2idx[w] - if w in self.word2idx else self.unk_id for w in tokens] - - -class WOZDSTDataset(Dataset): +class MultiWOZDataset(Dataset): """ By default, use only vocab from training Need to modify the code a little bit to use for all_vocab @@ -69,81 +15,27 @@ class WOZDSTDataset(Dataset): def __init__(self, data_dir, - domains, mode, + domains, + all_domains, + vocab, + gating_dict, + slots, num_samples=-1, - shuffle=False, - all_domains={'attraction': 0, - 'restaurant': 1, - 'taxi': 2, - 'train': 3, - 'hotel': 4, - 'hospital': 5, - 'bus': 6, - 'police': 7}): + shuffle=False): print(f'Processing {mode} data') self.data_dir = data_dir self.mode = mode - self.gating_dict = {'ptr': 0, 'dontcare': 1, 'none': 2} + self.gating_dict = gating_dict self.domains = domains self.all_domains = all_domains - self.vocab = Vocab() - - ontology_file = open(f'{self.data_dir}/ontology.json', 'r') - self.ontology = json.load(ontology_file) + self.vocab = vocab + self.slots = slots - self.get_slots() - self.get_vocab() self.features, self.max_len = self.get_features(num_samples, shuffle) print("Sample 0: " + str(self.features[0])) - def get_vocab(self): - self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' - - if self.mode != 'train' and (not os.path.exists(self.vocab_file)): - raise ValueError(f"{self.vocab_file} doesn't exist!") - - if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file): - print(f'Loading vocab from {self.data_dir}') - self.vocab = pickle.load(open(self.vocab_file, 'rb')) - else: - self.create_vocab() - - print('Vocab size', len(self.vocab)) - - def get_slots(self): - used_domains = [ - key for key in self.ontology if key.split('-')[0] in self.domains] - self.slots = [k.replace(' ', '').lower() if 'book' not in k - else k.lower() for k in used_domains] - - def create_vocab(self): - self.vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') - - filename = f'{self.data_dir}/train_dials.json' - print(f'Building vocab from {filename}') - dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) - - max_value_len = 0 - - for dialog_dict in dialogs: - for turn in dialog_dict['dialogue']: - self.vocab.add_words(turn['system_transcript'], 'utterance') - self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') - - turn_beliefs = \ - self.fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], - self.slots) - lengths = [len(turn_beliefs[slot]) - for slot in self.slots if slot in turn_beliefs] - lengths.append(max_value_len) - max_value_len = max(lengths) - - print(f'Saving vocab to {self.data_dir}') - with open(self.vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: - pickle.dump(self.vocab, handle) - def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): if num_samples == 0: @@ -176,12 +68,13 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): turn_uttr = turn['system_transcript'] + ' ; ' + \ turn['transcript'] turn_uttr_strip = turn_uttr.strip() - dialog_history += (turn["system_transcript"] + " ; " + turn["transcript"] + " ; ") + dialog_history += (turn["system_transcript"] + " ; " + + turn["transcript"] + " ; ") source_text = dialog_history.strip() turn_beliefs = \ - self.fix_general_label_error(turn['belief_state'], - self.slots) + fix_general_label_error_multiwoz(turn['belief_state'], + self.slots) turn_belief_list = [f'{k}-{v}' for k, v in turn_beliefs.items()] @@ -209,9 +102,11 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): 'turn_uttr': turn_uttr_strip, 'responses': responses} - sample['context_ids'] = self.vocab.tokens2ids(sample['dialogue_history'].split()) - sample['responses_ids'] = [self.vocab.tokens2ids(y.split() + [self.vocab.eos]) - for y in sample['responses']] + sample['context_ids'] = \ + self.vocab.tokens2ids(sample['dialogue_history'].split()) + sample['responses_ids'] = \ + [self.vocab.tokens2ids(y.split() + [self.vocab.eos]) + for y in sample['responses']] sample['turn_domain'] = self.all_domains[sample['turn_domain']] data.append(sample) @@ -243,130 +138,3 @@ def __getitem__(self, idx): 'turn_domain': item['turn_domain'], 'responses_ids': item['responses_ids']} - def fix_general_label_error(self, labels, slots): - label_dict = dict([label['slots'][0] for label in labels]) - GENERAL_TYPO = { - # type - "guesthouse": "guest house", - "guesthouses": "guest house", - "guest": "guest house", - "mutiple sports": "multiple sports", - "sports": "multiple sports", - "mutliple sports": "multiple sports", - "swimmingpool": "swimming pool", - "concerthall": "concert hall", - "concert": "concert hall", - "pool": "swimming pool", - "night club": "nightclub", - "mus": "museum", - "ol": "architecture", - "colleges": "college", - "coll": "college", - "architectural": "architecture", - "musuem": "museum", - "churches": "church", - # area - "center": "centre", - "center of town": "centre", - "near city center": "centre", - "in the north": "north", - "cen": "centre", - "east side": "east", - "east area": "east", - "west part of town": "west", - "ce": "centre", - "town center": "centre", - "centre of cambridge": "centre", - "city center": "centre", - "the south": "south", - "scentre": "centre", - "town centre": "centre", - "in town": "centre", - "north part of town": "north", - "centre of town": "centre", - "cb30aq": "none", - # price - "mode": "moderate", - "moderate -ly": "moderate", - "mo": "moderate", - # day - "next friday": "friday", - "monda": "monday", - # parking - "free parking": - "free", - # internet - "free internet": "yes", - # star - "4 star": "4", - "4 stars": "4", - "0 star rarting": "none", - # others - "y": "yes", - "any": "dontcare", - "n": "no", - "does not care": "dontcare", - "not men": "none", - "not": "none", - "not mentioned": "none", - '': "none", - "not mendtioned": "none", - "3 .": "3", - "does not": "no", - "fun": "none", - "art": "none", - } - - hotel_ranges = ["nigh", "moderate -ly priced", "bed and breakfast", - "centre", "venetian", "intern", "a cheap -er hotel"] - locations = ["gastropub", "la raza", "galleria", "gallery", "science", "m"] - detailed_hotels = ["hotel with free parking and free wifi", - "4", - "3 star hotel"] - areas = ["stansted airport", "cambridge", "silver street"] - attr_areas = ["norwich", "ely", "museum", "same area as hotel"] - - for slot in slots: - if slot in label_dict.keys(): - # general typos - if label_dict[slot] in GENERAL_TYPO.keys(): - label_dict[slot] = label_dict[slot].replace( - label_dict[slot], GENERAL_TYPO[label_dict[slot]]) - - # miss match slot and value - if (slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in hotel_ranges) or \ - (slot == "hotel-internet" and label_dict[slot] == "4") or \ - (slot == "hotel-pricerange" and label_dict[slot] == "2") or \ - (slot == "attraction-type" and - label_dict[slot] in locations) or \ - ("area" in slot and label_dict[slot] in ["moderate"]) or \ - ("day" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "t"): - label_dict[slot] = "none" - elif slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in detailed_hotels: - label_dict[slot] = "hotel" - elif slot == "hotel-star" and label_dict[slot] == "3 star hotel": - label_dict[slot] = "3" - elif "area" in slot: - if label_dict[slot] == "no": - label_dict[slot] = "north" - elif label_dict[slot] == "we": - label_dict[slot] = "west" - elif label_dict[slot] == "cent": - label_dict[slot] = "centre" - elif "day" in slot: - if label_dict[slot] == "we": - label_dict[slot] = "wednesday" - elif label_dict[slot] == "no": - label_dict[slot] = "none" - elif "price" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "ch": - label_dict[slot] = "cheap" - elif "internet" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "free": - label_dict[slot] = "yes" - - # some out-of-define classification slot values - if (slot == "restaurant-area" and label_dict[slot] in areas) or \ - (slot == "attraction-area" and - label_dict[slot] in attr_areas): - label_dict[slot] = "none" - - return label_dict diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py index 7298e765b95c..62101d2e19f9 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py @@ -11,6 +11,7 @@ import subprocess import sys +import pickle import numpy as np from sentencepiece import SentencePieceTrainer as SPT from tqdm import tqdm @@ -1005,6 +1006,270 @@ def calc_class_weights(label_freq): return [weight for (_, weight) in weighted_slots] +class Vocab: + """ + Vocab class for TRADE model + + UNK_token = 0 + PAD_token = 1 + SOS_token = 3 + EOS_token = 2 + """ + + def __init__(self): + self.word2idx = {'UNK': 0, 'PAD': 1, 'EOS': 2, 'BOS': 3} + self.idx2word = ['UNK', 'PAD', 'EOS', 'BOS'] + self.unk_id = self.word2idx['UNK'] + self.pad_id = self.word2idx['PAD'] + self.eos_id = self.word2idx['EOS'] + self.bos_id = self.word2idx['BOS'] + self.unk, self.pad, self.eos, self.bos = 'UNK', 'PAD', 'EOS', 'BOS' + + def __len__(self): + return len(self.idx2word) + + def add_word(self, word): + if word not in self.word2idx: + self.word2idx[word] = len(self.idx2word) + self.idx2word.append(word) + + def add_words(self, sent, level): + """ + level == 'utterance': sent is a string + level == 'slot': sent is a list + level == 'belief': sent is a dictionary + """ + if level == 'utterance': + for word in sent.split(): + self.add_word(word) + elif level == 'slot': + for slot in sent: + domain, info = slot.split('-') + self.add_word(domain) + for subslot in info.split(' '): + self.add_word(subslot) + elif level == 'belief': + for slot, value in sent.items(): + domain, info = slot.split('-') + self.add_word(domain) + for subslot in info.split(' '): + self.add_word(subslot) + for val in value.split(' '): + self.add_word(val) + + def tokens2ids(self, tokens): + """Converts list of tokens to list of ids.""" + return [self.word2idx[w] + if w in self.word2idx else self.unk_id for w in tokens] + + +class MultiWOZDataDesc: + """ + Processes MultiWOZ dataset and creates vocabulary file and list of slots. + """ + + def __init__(self, + data_dir, + domains={"attraction": 0, + "restaurant": 1, + "taxi": 2, + "train": 3, + "hotel": 4} + ): + print(f'Processing MultiWOZ dataset') + + self.all_domains = {'attraction': 0, + 'restaurant': 1, + 'taxi': 2, + 'train': 3, + 'hotel': 4, + 'hospital': 5, + 'bus': 6, + 'police': 7} + self.gating_dict = {'ptr': 0, 'dontcare': 1, 'none': 2} + + self.data_dir = data_dir + self.domains = domains + self.vocab = Vocab() + + ontology_file = open(f'{self.data_dir}/ontology.json', 'r') + self.ontology = json.load(ontology_file) + + self.get_slots() + self.get_vocab() + + def get_vocab(self): + self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' + + if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file): + print(f'Loading vocab from {self.data_dir}') + self.vocab = pickle.load(open(self.vocab_file, 'rb')) + else: + self.create_vocab() + + print('Vocab size', len(self.vocab)) + + def get_slots(self): + used_domains = [ + key for key in self.ontology if key.split('-')[0] in self.domains] + self.slots = [k.replace(' ', '').lower() if 'book' not in k + else k.lower() for k in used_domains] + + def create_vocab(self): + self.vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') + + filename = f'{self.data_dir}/train_dials.json' + print(f'Building vocab from {filename}') + dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) + + max_value_len = 0 + + for dialog_dict in dialogs: + for turn in dialog_dict['dialogue']: + self.vocab.add_words(turn['system_transcript'], 'utterance') + self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') + + turn_beliefs = \ + fix_general_label_error_multiwoz(turn['belief_state'], + self.slots) + lengths = [len(turn_beliefs[slot]) + for slot in self.slots if slot in turn_beliefs] + lengths.append(max_value_len) + max_value_len = max(lengths) + + print(f'Saving vocab to {self.data_dir}') + with open(self.vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: + pickle.dump(self.vocab, handle) + + +def fix_general_label_error_multiwoz(labels, slots): + label_dict = dict([label['slots'][0] for label in labels]) + GENERAL_TYPO = { + # type + "guesthouse": "guest house", + "guesthouses": "guest house", + "guest": "guest house", + "mutiple sports": "multiple sports", + "sports": "multiple sports", + "mutliple sports": "multiple sports", + "swimmingpool": "swimming pool", + "concerthall": "concert hall", + "concert": "concert hall", + "pool": "swimming pool", + "night club": "nightclub", + "mus": "museum", + "ol": "architecture", + "colleges": "college", + "coll": "college", + "architectural": "architecture", + "musuem": "museum", + "churches": "church", + # area + "center": "centre", + "center of town": "centre", + "near city center": "centre", + "in the north": "north", + "cen": "centre", + "east side": "east", + "east area": "east", + "west part of town": "west", + "ce": "centre", + "town center": "centre", + "centre of cambridge": "centre", + "city center": "centre", + "the south": "south", + "scentre": "centre", + "town centre": "centre", + "in town": "centre", + "north part of town": "north", + "centre of town": "centre", + "cb30aq": "none", + # price + "mode": "moderate", + "moderate -ly": "moderate", + "mo": "moderate", + # day + "next friday": "friday", + "monda": "monday", + # parking + "free parking": + "free", + # internet + "free internet": "yes", + # star + "4 star": "4", + "4 stars": "4", + "0 star rarting": "none", + # others + "y": "yes", + "any": "dontcare", + "n": "no", + "does not care": "dontcare", + "not men": "none", + "not": "none", + "not mentioned": "none", + '': "none", + "not mendtioned": "none", + "3 .": "3", + "does not": "no", + "fun": "none", + "art": "none", + } + + hotel_ranges = ["nigh", "moderate -ly priced", "bed and breakfast", + "centre", "venetian", "intern", "a cheap -er hotel"] + locations = ["gastropub", "la raza", "galleria", "gallery", "science", "m"] + detailed_hotels = ["hotel with free parking and free wifi", + "4", + "3 star hotel"] + areas = ["stansted airport", "cambridge", "silver street"] + attr_areas = ["norwich", "ely", "museum", "same area as hotel"] + + for slot in slots: + if slot in label_dict.keys(): + # general typos + if label_dict[slot] in GENERAL_TYPO.keys(): + label_dict[slot] = label_dict[slot].replace( + label_dict[slot], GENERAL_TYPO[label_dict[slot]]) + + # miss match slot and value + if (slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in hotel_ranges) or \ + (slot == "hotel-internet" and label_dict[slot] == "4") or \ + (slot == "hotel-pricerange" and label_dict[slot] == "2") or \ + (slot == "attraction-type" and + label_dict[slot] in locations) or \ + ("area" in slot and label_dict[slot] in ["moderate"]) or \ + ("day" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "t"): + label_dict[slot] = "none" + elif slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in detailed_hotels: + label_dict[slot] = "hotel" + elif slot == "hotel-star" and label_dict[slot] == "3 star hotel": + label_dict[slot] = "3" + elif "area" in slot: + if label_dict[slot] == "no": + label_dict[slot] = "north" + elif label_dict[slot] == "we": + label_dict[slot] = "west" + elif label_dict[slot] == "cent": + label_dict[slot] = "centre" + elif "day" in slot: + if label_dict[slot] == "we": + label_dict[slot] = "wednesday" + elif label_dict[slot] == "no": + label_dict[slot] = "none" + elif "price" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "ch": + label_dict[slot] = "cheap" + elif "internet" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "free": + label_dict[slot] = "yes" + + # some out-of-define classification slot values + if (slot == "restaurant-area" and label_dict[slot] in areas) or \ + (slot == "attraction-area" and + label_dict[slot] in attr_areas): + label_dict[slot] = "none" + + return label_dict + class JointIntentSlotDataDesc: """ Convert the raw data to the standard format supported by JointIntentSlotDataset. @@ -1781,7 +2046,3 @@ def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): "wnli": 2, } - -def create_dst_mem_files(data_dir): - lang_file = f'{data_dir}/lang.pkl' - mem_lang_file = f'{data_dir}/mem_lang.pkl' diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py similarity index 56% rename from examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py rename to examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py index d4b715cd59df..3269b58b108d 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py @@ -15,6 +15,8 @@ import nemo_nlp from nemo_nlp.utils.callbacks.state_tracking_trade import \ eval_iter_callback, eval_epochs_done_callback +from nemo_nlp.data.datasets.utils import MultiWOZDataDesc + parser = argparse.ArgumentParser( description='TRADE for MultiWOZ dialog state tracking') @@ -51,51 +53,38 @@ parser.add_argument("--teacher_forcing", default=0.5, type=float) args = parser.parse_args() -DOMAINS = {"attraction": 0, "restaurant": 1, "taxi": 2, "train": 3, "hotel": 4} +domains = {"attraction": 0, "restaurant": 1, "taxi": 2, "train": 3, "hotel": 4} if not os.path.exists(args.data_dir): raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {args.data_dir}') work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/{args.dataset_name.upper()}' +data_desc = MultiWOZDataDesc(args.data_dir, domains) + nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory(backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=work_dir, create_tb_writer=True, files_to_copy=[__file__], - add_time_to_log_dir=True - ) - -total_cpus = os.cpu_count() -num_workers = 0 + add_time_to_log_dir=True) data_layer_train = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, - DOMAINS, + data_desc.domains, + all_domains=data_desc.all_domains, + vocab=data_desc.vocab, + slots=data_desc.slots, + gating_dict=data_desc.gating_dict, num_samples=args.num_train_samples, shuffle=args.shuffle_data, - num_workers=num_workers, + num_workers=0, local_rank=args.local_rank, batch_size=args.batch_size, mode='train', is_training=True, input_dropout=args.input_dropout) -src_ids_train, src_lens_train, tgt_ids_train, \ - tgt_lens_train, gate_labels_train, turn_domain_train = data_layer_train() -vocab_size = len(data_layer_train.vocab) - -train_data_size = len(data_layer_train) -print(f'The length of train data layer is {train_data_size}') - -batch_size = args.batch_size -if train_data_size < batch_size: - nf.logger.warning("Batch_size is larger than the train dataset size") - nf.logger.warning("Reducing batch_size to dataset size") - batch_size = train_data_size - -steps_per_epoch = math.ceil(train_data_size / (batch_size * args.num_gpus)) -nf.logger.info(f"Steps_per_epoch Train= {steps_per_epoch}") - +vocab_size = len(data_desc.vocab) encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, args.emb_dim, @@ -103,8 +92,6 @@ args.dropout, args.n_layers) -outputs_train, hidden_train = encoder(inputs=src_ids_train, - input_lens=src_lens_train) decoder = nemo_nlp.DSTGenerator(data_layer_train.vocab, encoder.embedding, @@ -114,61 +101,103 @@ len(data_layer_train.gating_dict), teacher_forcing=args.teacher_forcing) -point_outputs_train, gate_outputs_train = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden_train, - encoder_outputs=outputs_train, - input_lens=src_lens_train, - src_ids=src_ids_train, - targets=tgt_ids_train) - gate_loss_fn = \ nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_layer_train.gating_dict)) ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() -total_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) - -gate_loss_train = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs_train, - labels=gate_labels_train) -ptr_loss_train = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs_train, - targets=tgt_ids_train, - mask=tgt_lens_train) - -loss_train = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_train, loss_2=ptr_loss_train) - -data_layer_eval = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, - DOMAINS, - num_samples=args.num_eval_samples, - shuffle=False, - num_workers=num_workers, - local_rank=args.local_rank, - batch_size=args.batch_size, - mode=args.eval_file_prefix, - is_training=False, - input_dropout=args.input_dropout) - -(src_ids_eval, src_lens_eval, tgt_ids_eval, - tgt_lens_eval, gate_labels_eval, turn_domain_eval) = data_layer_eval() -outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids_eval, input_lens=src_lens_eval) -point_outputs_eval, gate_outputs_eval = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, - encoder_outputs=outputs, - input_lens=src_lens_eval, - src_ids=src_ids_eval, - targets=tgt_ids_eval) - -gate_loss_eval = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs_eval, - labels=gate_labels_eval) - -ptr_loss_eval = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs_eval, - targets=tgt_ids_eval, - mask=tgt_lens_eval) +total_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) + + +def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, + batch_size=32, + num_gpus=1, + local_rank=0, + input_dropout=0.0, + mode='train'): + nf.logger.info(f"Loading {mode} data...") + shuffle = args.shuffle_data if mode == 'train' else False + + data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, + data_desc.domains, + all_domains=data_desc.all_domains, + vocab=data_desc.vocab, + slots=data_desc.slots, + gating_dict=data_desc.gating_dict, + num_samples=num_samples, + shuffle=shuffle, + num_workers=0, + local_rank=local_rank, + batch_size=batch_size, + mode=mode, + is_training=(mode == "train"), + input_dropout=input_dropout) + + src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens,\ + gate_labels, turn_domain = data_layer() + + data_size = len(data_layer) + print(f'The length of data layer is {data_size}') + + if data_size < batch_size: + nf.logger.warning("Batch_size is larger than the dataset size") + nf.logger.warning("Reducing batch_size to dataset size") + batch_size = data_size + + steps_per_epoch = math.ceil(data_size / (batch_size * num_gpus)) + nf.logger.info(f"Steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") + + outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids, input_lens=src_lens) + + point_outputs, gate_outputs = decoder(encoder_hidden=hidden, + encoder_outputs=outputs, + input_lens=src_lens, + src_ids=src_ids, + targets=tgt_ids) + + gate_loss = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs, + labels=gate_labels) + ptr_loss = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs, + targets=tgt_ids, + mask=tgt_lens) + + total_loss = total_loss_fn(loss_1=gate_loss, loss_2=ptr_loss) + + if mode == 'train': + tensors_to_evaluate = [total_loss, gate_loss, ptr_loss] + else: + tensors_to_evaluate = [total_loss, point_outputs, gate_outputs, + gate_labels, turn_domain, tgt_ids, + tgt_lens] + + return tensors_to_evaluate, total_loss, ptr_loss, \ + gate_loss, steps_per_epoch, data_layer + + +tensors_train, \ + total_loss_train, ptr_loss_train, gate_loss_train, \ + steps_per_epoch_train, data_layer_train = create_pipeline( + args.num_train_samples, + batch_size=args.batch_size, + num_gpus=args.num_gpus, + local_rank=args.local_rank, + input_dropout=args.input_dropout, + mode=args.train_file_prefix) + +tensors_eval, \ + total_loss_eval, ptr_loss_eval, gate_loss_eval, \ + steps_per_epoch_eval, data_layer_eval = create_pipeline( + args.num_eval_samples, + batch_size=args.eval_batch_size, + num_gpus=args.num_gpus, + local_rank=args.local_rank, + input_dropout=0.0, + mode=args.eval_file_prefix) -loss_eval = total_loss(loss_1=gate_loss_eval, loss_2=ptr_loss_eval) -eval_tensors = [loss_eval, point_outputs_eval, gate_outputs_eval, - gate_labels_eval, turn_domain_eval, tgt_ids_eval, tgt_lens_eval] # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[loss_train, gate_loss_train, ptr_loss_train], + tensors=[total_loss_train, gate_loss_train, ptr_loss_train], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Loss:{str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3))}, ' f'Gate Loss:{str(np.round(x[1].item(), 3))}, ' f'Pointer Loss:{str(np.round(x[2].item(), 3))}'), @@ -176,16 +205,16 @@ get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]], ["gate_loss", x[1]], ["pointer_loss", x[2]]], - step_freq=steps_per_epoch) + step_freq=steps_per_epoch_train) eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( - eval_tensors=eval_tensors, + eval_tensors=tensors_eval, user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback( x, y, data_layer_eval), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( x, data_layer_eval), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, - eval_step=steps_per_epoch) + eval_step=steps_per_epoch_eval) ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, @@ -194,7 +223,8 @@ if args.lr_policy is not None: lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy(args.lr_policy, - total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, + total_steps=args.num_epochs * + steps_per_epoch_train, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, min_lr=args.min_lr) else: @@ -202,7 +232,7 @@ grad_norm_clip = args.grad_norm_clip if args.grad_norm_clip > 0 else None -nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[loss_train], +nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[total_loss_train], callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, From 1b42293835bf3b71fd1cdb29c68f5733f2febfcb Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 24 Jan 2020 10:00:40 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 061/138] Fixed pipeline creaters. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/__init__.py | 2 +- .../{dialog.py => dialogue_state_tracking.py} | 8 +++---- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py | 21 +++++++++---------- 3 files changed, 15 insertions(+), 16 deletions(-) rename collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/{dialog.py => dialogue_state_tracking.py} (98%) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/__init__.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/__init__.py index f46a7e47f5db..10297df81065 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/__init__.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/__init__.py @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ from .classifiers import * -from .dialog import * +from .dialogue_state_tracking import * from .losses import * from .transformer_nm import * diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py similarity index 98% rename from collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py rename to collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py index fdd853e700e9..b8de5dd8af92 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialog.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ -__all__ = ['DSTGenerator', - 'DSTMaskedCrossEntropy'] +__all__ = ['TRADEGenerator', + 'TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy'] import random @@ -16,7 +16,7 @@ ChannelTag) -class DSTGenerator(TrainableNM): +class TRADEGenerator(TrainableNM): @staticmethod def create_ports(): input_ports = { @@ -207,7 +207,7 @@ def attend_vocab(self, seq, cond): return scores -class DSTMaskedCrossEntropy(LossNM): +class TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy(LossNM): """ Neural module which implements Masked Language Modeling (MLM) loss. diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py index 3269b58b108d..263b7f751510 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py @@ -36,7 +36,6 @@ parser.add_argument("--dropout", default=0.2, type=float) parser.add_argument("--input_dropout", default=0.2, type=float) parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/statetracking/multiwoz2.1', type=str) -parser.add_argument("--dataset_name", default='multiwoz', type=str) parser.add_argument("--train_file_prefix", default='train', type=str) parser.add_argument("--eval_file_prefix", default='test', type=str) parser.add_argument("--work_dir", default='outputs', type=str) @@ -58,7 +57,7 @@ if not os.path.exists(args.data_dir): raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {args.data_dir}') -work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/{args.dataset_name.upper()}' +work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/DST_TRADE' data_desc = MultiWOZDataDesc(args.data_dir, domains) @@ -93,17 +92,17 @@ args.n_layers) -decoder = nemo_nlp.DSTGenerator(data_layer_train.vocab, - encoder.embedding, - args.hid_dim, - args.dropout, - data_layer_train.slots, - len(data_layer_train.gating_dict), - teacher_forcing=args.teacher_forcing) +decoder = nemo_nlp.TRADEGenerator(data_layer_train.vocab, + encoder.embedding, + args.hid_dim, + args.dropout, + data_layer_train.slots, + len(data_layer_train.gating_dict), + teacher_forcing=args.teacher_forcing) gate_loss_fn = \ nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_layer_train.gating_dict)) -ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.DSTMaskedCrossEntropy() +ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy() total_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) @@ -214,7 +213,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( x, data_layer_eval), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, - eval_step=steps_per_epoch_eval) + eval_step=steps_per_epoch_train) ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, From 4edd0a7c3ee59ed46d3787c039a5fb7952315eff Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 24 Jan 2020 10:29:54 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 062/138] Cleaned process_multiwoz Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py | 16 ++++++---------- .../process_multiwoz.py} | 10 ++++++---- .../scripts/{woz => multiwoz}/replacements.txt | 0 3 files changed, 12 insertions(+), 14 deletions(-) rename examples/nlp/scripts/{woz/process_woz.py => multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py} (97%) rename examples/nlp/scripts/{woz => multiwoz}/replacements.txt (100%) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py index 263b7f751510..531e1ae283d4 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py @@ -19,7 +19,7 @@ parser = argparse.ArgumentParser( - description='TRADE for MultiWOZ dialog state tracking') + description='Dialog state tracking with TRADE model on MultiWOZ dataset') parser.add_argument("--local_rank", default=None, type=int) parser.add_argument("--batch_size", default=16, type=int) parser.add_argument("--eval_batch_size", default=16, type=int) @@ -35,7 +35,8 @@ parser.add_argument("--n_layers", default=1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--dropout", default=0.2, type=float) parser.add_argument("--input_dropout", default=0.2, type=float) -parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/statetracking/multiwoz2.1', type=str) +parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='data/statetracking/multiwoz2.1', + type=str) parser.add_argument("--train_file_prefix", default='train', type=str) parser.add_argument("--eval_file_prefix", default='test', type=str) parser.add_argument("--work_dir", default='outputs', type=str) @@ -52,6 +53,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--teacher_forcing", default=0.5, type=float) args = parser.parse_args() +# List of the domains to be considered domains = {"attraction": 0, "restaurant": 1, "taxi": 2, "train": 3, "hotel": 4} if not os.path.exists(args.data_dir): @@ -84,14 +86,12 @@ is_training=True, input_dropout=args.input_dropout) vocab_size = len(data_desc.vocab) - encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, args.emb_dim, args.hid_dim, args.dropout, args.n_layers) - decoder = nemo_nlp.TRADEGenerator(data_layer_train.vocab, encoder.embedding, args.hid_dim, @@ -158,7 +158,6 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, ptr_loss = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs, targets=tgt_ids, mask=tgt_lens) - total_loss = total_loss_fn(loss_1=gate_loss, loss_2=ptr_loss) if mode == 'train': @@ -192,8 +191,6 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, input_dropout=0.0, mode=args.eval_file_prefix) - - # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=[total_loss_train, gate_loss_train, ptr_loss_train], @@ -221,16 +218,15 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, step_freq=args.save_step_freq) if args.lr_policy is not None: + total_steps = args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch_train lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy(args.lr_policy, - total_steps=args.num_epochs * - steps_per_epoch_train, + total_steps=total_steps, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, min_lr=args.min_lr) else: lr_policy_fn = None grad_norm_clip = args.grad_norm_clip if args.grad_norm_clip > 0 else None - nf.train(tensors_to_optimize=[total_loss_train], callbacks=[eval_callback, train_callback, ckpt_callback], lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py similarity index 97% rename from examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py rename to examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py index b4347457b0b1..91fb12560efc 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/process_woz.py +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py @@ -13,9 +13,12 @@ from nemo_nlp.data.datasets.utils import if_exist -parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='Process MULTIWOZ2.1') +parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='Process MultiWOZ dataset') parser.add_argument("--data_dir", - default='../../data/dialog/MULTIWOZ2.1', + default='../../data/statetracking/MULTIWOZ2.1', + type=str) +parser.add_argument("--out_dir", + default='../../data/statetracking/multiwoz', type=str) args = parser.parse_args() @@ -360,9 +363,8 @@ def partition_data(data, infold, outfold): def process_woz(): - outfold = '../../data/dialog/multiwoz' delex_data = create_data(args.data_dir) - partition_data(delex_data, args.data_dir, outfold) + partition_data(delex_data, args.data_dir, args.out_dir) process_woz() diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/woz/replacements.txt b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/replacements.txt similarity index 100% rename from examples/nlp/scripts/woz/replacements.txt rename to examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/replacements.txt From c0ca99ca7da1f60542fa768628e3b96f6b11d1c1 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 27 Jan 2020 20:07:11 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 063/138] Fixed the masking bottleneck which caused low gpu utility. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 2 - .../modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 39 +++++++++----- ...de.py => dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py} | 0 examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py | 54 ++++++++----------- 4 files changed, 46 insertions(+), 49 deletions(-) rename collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/{state_tracking_trade.py => dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py} (100%) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 950038dd1f3a..13bb9fc1efbf 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -1,6 +1,4 @@ import json -import os -import pickle import random from torch.utils.data import Dataset diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py index b8de5dd8af92..c1a6109d33e5 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -115,8 +115,8 @@ def forward(self, else: use_teacher_forcing = True - # TODO: set max_res_len to 10 in evaluation mode. - # if targets are not provided, set it to 10 + # TODO: set max_res_len to 10 in evaluation mode or + # when targets are not provided max_res_len = targets.shape[2] batch_size = encoder_hidden.shape[0] @@ -142,21 +142,28 @@ def forward(self, hidden = hidden.view(-1, self.hidden_size).unsqueeze(0) enc_len = input_lens.repeat(len(self.slots)) + + maxlen = encoder_outputs.size(1) + padding_mask_bool = ~ (torch.arange(maxlen, device=self._device)[None, :] <= enc_len[:, None]) + padding_mask = torch.zeros_like(padding_mask_bool, dtype=encoder_outputs.dtype) + padding_mask.masked_fill_(mask=padding_mask_bool, value=-np.inf) + for wi in range(max_res_len): dec_state, hidden = self.rnn(decoder_input.unsqueeze(1), hidden) enc_out = encoder_outputs.repeat(len(self.slots), 1, 1) - context_vec, logits, prob = self.attend(enc_out, - hidden.squeeze(0), - enc_len) + context_vec, logits, prob = \ + TRADEGenerator.attend(enc_out, + hidden.squeeze(0), + padding_mask) if wi == 0: all_gate_outputs = torch.reshape(self.w_gate(context_vec), all_gate_outputs.size()) - p_vocab = self.attend_vocab(self.embedding.weight, - hidden.squeeze(0)) + p_vocab = TRADEGenerator.attend_vocab(self.embedding.weight, + hidden.squeeze(0)) p_gen_vec = torch.cat( [dec_state.squeeze(1), context_vec, decoder_input], -1) vocab_pointer_switches = self.sigmoid(self.w_ratio(p_gen_vec)) @@ -188,20 +195,23 @@ def forward(self, all_gate_outputs = all_gate_outputs.transpose(0, 1).contiguous() return all_point_outputs, all_gate_outputs - def attend(self, seq, cond, lens): + @staticmethod + def attend(seq, cond, padding_mask): """ attend over the sequences `seq` using the condition `cond`. """ scores_ = cond.unsqueeze(1).expand_as(seq).mul(seq).sum(2) - max_len = max(lens) - for i, l in enumerate(lens): - if l < max_len: - scores_.data[i, l:] = -np.inf + # max_len = max(lens) + # for i, l in enumerate(lens): + # if l < max_len: + # scores_.data[i, l:] = -np.inf + scores_ = scores_ + padding_mask scores = F.softmax(scores_, dim=1) context = scores.unsqueeze(2).expand_as(seq).mul(seq).sum(1) return context, scores_, scores - def attend_vocab(self, seq, cond): + @staticmethod + def attend_vocab(seq, cond): scores_ = cond.matmul(seq.transpose(1, 0)) scores = F.softmax(scores_, dim=1) return scores @@ -251,7 +261,8 @@ def _loss_function(self, logits, targets, mask): loss = self.masking(losses, mask) return loss - def masking(self, losses, mask): + @staticmethod + def masking(losses, mask): mask_ = [] batch_size = mask.size(0) max_len = losses.size(2) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py similarity index 100% rename from collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/state_tracking_trade.py rename to collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py index 531e1ae283d4..0e281e0759e4 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py @@ -13,7 +13,7 @@ from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import EncoderRNN from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy import nemo_nlp -from nemo_nlp.utils.callbacks.state_tracking_trade import \ +from nemo_nlp.utils.callbacks.dialogue_state_tracking_trade import \ eval_iter_callback, eval_epochs_done_callback from nemo_nlp.data.datasets.utils import MultiWOZDataDesc @@ -71,20 +71,6 @@ files_to_copy=[__file__], add_time_to_log_dir=True) -data_layer_train = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, - data_desc.domains, - all_domains=data_desc.all_domains, - vocab=data_desc.vocab, - slots=data_desc.slots, - gating_dict=data_desc.gating_dict, - num_samples=args.num_train_samples, - shuffle=args.shuffle_data, - num_workers=0, - local_rank=args.local_rank, - batch_size=args.batch_size, - mode='train', - is_training=True, - input_dropout=args.input_dropout) vocab_size = len(data_desc.vocab) encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, args.emb_dim, @@ -92,29 +78,29 @@ args.dropout, args.n_layers) -decoder = nemo_nlp.TRADEGenerator(data_layer_train.vocab, +decoder = nemo_nlp.TRADEGenerator(data_desc.vocab, encoder.embedding, args.hid_dim, args.dropout, - data_layer_train.slots, - len(data_layer_train.gating_dict), + data_desc.slots, + len(data_desc.gating_dict), teacher_forcing=args.teacher_forcing) gate_loss_fn = \ - nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_layer_train.gating_dict)) + nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_desc.gating_dict)) ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy() - total_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) -def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, - batch_size=32, - num_gpus=1, - local_rank=0, - input_dropout=0.0, - mode='train'): - nf.logger.info(f"Loading {mode} data...") - shuffle = args.shuffle_data if mode == 'train' else False +def create_pipeline(num_samples, + batch_size, + num_gpus, + local_rank, + input_dropout, + data_prefix, + is_training): + nf.logger.info(f"Loading {data_prefix} data...") + shuffle = args.shuffle_data if is_training else False data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, data_desc.domains, @@ -127,8 +113,8 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, num_workers=0, local_rank=local_rank, batch_size=batch_size, - mode=mode, - is_training=(mode == "train"), + mode=data_prefix, + is_training=is_training, input_dropout=input_dropout) src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens,\ @@ -160,7 +146,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, mask=tgt_lens) total_loss = total_loss_fn(loss_1=gate_loss, loss_2=ptr_loss) - if mode == 'train': + if is_training: tensors_to_evaluate = [total_loss, gate_loss, ptr_loss] else: tensors_to_evaluate = [total_loss, point_outputs, gate_outputs, @@ -179,7 +165,8 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, num_gpus=args.num_gpus, local_rank=args.local_rank, input_dropout=args.input_dropout, - mode=args.train_file_prefix) + data_prefix=args.train_file_prefix, + is_training=True) tensors_eval, \ total_loss_eval, ptr_loss_eval, gate_loss_eval, \ @@ -189,7 +176,8 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, num_gpus=args.num_gpus, local_rank=args.local_rank, input_dropout=0.0, - mode=args.eval_file_prefix) + data_prefix=args.eval_file_prefix, + is_training=False) # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( From fa56525763203adba022dec75a1aff8fd4ccef07 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2020 11:50:49 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 064/138] Fixed the DTH memory bottleneck which caused low gpu utility. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 23 ++++++++++++------- 1 file changed, 15 insertions(+), 8 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index 9ecf4cc0299b..cfaec9f6ae80 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -2,6 +2,7 @@ __all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] import numpy as np +import torch from nemo.utils.exp_logging import get_logger @@ -26,22 +27,28 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, loss_numpy = v[0].cpu().numpy() global_vars['loss'].append(loss_numpy) if kv.startswith('point_outputs'): - point_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() + point_outputs = v[0] #.cpu().numpy() if kv.startswith('gate_outputs'): - gate_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() + gate_outputs = v[0] #.cpu().numpy() if kv.startswith('gating_labels'): gating_labels = v[0].cpu().numpy() global_vars['gating_labels'].extend(gating_labels) if kv.startswith('tgt_ids'): - tgt_ids = v[0].cpu().numpy() + tgt_ids = v[0] #.cpu().numpy() - point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) + point_outputs_max = torch.argmax(point_outputs, dim=-1) mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == eval_data_layer.pad_id) - comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) - comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) - global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res) + comp_res = ((point_outputs_max == tgt_ids) | mask_paddings) + comp_res = torch.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) - global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1)) + # point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) + # mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == eval_data_layer.pad_id) + # comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) + # comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) + + global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res.cpu().numpy()) + #global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1)) + global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(torch.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1).cpu().numpy()) def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, eval_data_layer): From da70cf8a9076fff3cdb377a860aec11e0de4cba6 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2020 15:23:29 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 065/138] Changed data_layers to data_desc in the callbacks. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 38 ++++++++++--------- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py | 4 +- 2 files changed, 23 insertions(+), 19 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index cfaec9f6ae80..2442199bdb96 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -11,7 +11,7 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars, - eval_data_layer): + data_desc): if 'loss' not in global_vars: global_vars['loss'] = [] @@ -27,36 +27,40 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, loss_numpy = v[0].cpu().numpy() global_vars['loss'].append(loss_numpy) if kv.startswith('point_outputs'): - point_outputs = v[0] #.cpu().numpy() + point_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() + # point_outputs = v[0] # .cpu().numpy() if kv.startswith('gate_outputs'): - gate_outputs = v[0] #.cpu().numpy() + gate_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() + # gate_outputs = v[0] # .cpu().numpy() if kv.startswith('gating_labels'): gating_labels = v[0].cpu().numpy() global_vars['gating_labels'].extend(gating_labels) if kv.startswith('tgt_ids'): - tgt_ids = v[0] #.cpu().numpy() + tgt_ids = v[0].cpu().numpy() + # tgt_ids = v[0] #.cpu().numpy() - point_outputs_max = torch.argmax(point_outputs, dim=-1) - mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == eval_data_layer.pad_id) - comp_res = ((point_outputs_max == tgt_ids) | mask_paddings) - comp_res = torch.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) - - # point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) + # point_outputs_max = torch.argmax(point_outputs, dim=-1) # mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == eval_data_layer.pad_id) - # comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) - # comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) + # comp_res = ((point_outputs_max == tgt_ids) | mask_paddings) + # comp_res = torch.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) + + point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) + mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == data_desc.pad_id) + comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) + comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) - global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res.cpu().numpy()) - #global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1)) - global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(torch.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1).cpu().numpy()) + #global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res.cpu().numpy()) + global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res) + global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1)) + #global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(torch.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1).cpu().numpy()) -def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, eval_data_layer): +def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, data_desc): joint_acc, turn_acc = \ evaluate_metrics(global_vars['comp_res'], global_vars['gating_labels'], global_vars['gating_preds'], - eval_data_layer.gating_dict["ptr"]) + data_desc.gating_dict["ptr"]) gating_comp_flatten = (np.asarray(global_vars['gating_labels']) == np.asarray(global_vars['gating_preds'])).ravel() gating_acc = np.sum(gating_comp_flatten) / len(gating_comp_flatten) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py index 0e281e0759e4..e7cfa6cec6f3 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py @@ -194,9 +194,9 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=tensors_eval, user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback( - x, y, data_layer_eval), + x, y, data_desc), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( - x, data_layer_eval), + x, data_desc), tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, eval_step=steps_per_epoch_train) From 800a8d35cd5cefe24a63103ad3fd0d8c4cfe8ce2 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2020 15:35:02 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 066/138] Updated data layer name for MultiWOZ Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py | 4 +-- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py | 18 +++++++----- .../dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 2 +- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py | 28 +++++++++---------- 4 files changed, 28 insertions(+), 24 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py index 8720c94fc859..3864eb0ef457 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/data_layers.py @@ -16,7 +16,7 @@ 'TranslationDataLayer', 'GlueDataLayerClassification', 'GlueDataLayerRegression', - 'WOZDSTDataLayer'] + 'MultiWOZDataLayer'] import sys @@ -824,7 +824,7 @@ def __init__(self, super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) -class WOZDSTDataLayer(TextDataLayer): +class MultiWOZDataLayer(TextDataLayer): @staticmethod def create_ports(): diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py index 62101d2e19f9..3f133f06a96c 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py @@ -1079,13 +1079,13 @@ def __init__(self, print(f'Processing MultiWOZ dataset') self.all_domains = {'attraction': 0, - 'restaurant': 1, - 'taxi': 2, - 'train': 3, - 'hotel': 4, - 'hospital': 5, - 'bus': 6, - 'police': 7} + 'restaurant': 1, + 'taxi': 2, + 'train': 3, + 'hotel': 4, + 'hospital': 5, + 'bus': 6, + 'police': 7} self.gating_dict = {'ptr': 0, 'dontcare': 1, 'none': 2} self.data_dir = data_dir @@ -1098,6 +1098,9 @@ def __init__(self, self.get_slots() self.get_vocab() + self.vocab_file = None + self.slots = None + def get_vocab(self): self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' @@ -1270,6 +1273,7 @@ def fix_general_label_error_multiwoz(labels, slots): return label_dict + class JointIntentSlotDataDesc: """ Convert the raw data to the standard format supported by JointIntentSlotDataset. diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index 2442199bdb96..0296a81fa200 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -45,7 +45,7 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, # comp_res = torch.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) - mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == data_desc.pad_id) + mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == data_desc.vocab.pad_id) comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py index e7cfa6cec6f3..831aef0d3790 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py @@ -102,20 +102,20 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, nf.logger.info(f"Loading {data_prefix} data...") shuffle = args.shuffle_data if is_training else False - data_layer = nemo_nlp.WOZDSTDataLayer(args.data_dir, - data_desc.domains, - all_domains=data_desc.all_domains, - vocab=data_desc.vocab, - slots=data_desc.slots, - gating_dict=data_desc.gating_dict, - num_samples=num_samples, - shuffle=shuffle, - num_workers=0, - local_rank=local_rank, - batch_size=batch_size, - mode=data_prefix, - is_training=is_training, - input_dropout=input_dropout) + data_layer = nemo_nlp.MultiWOZDataLayer(args.data_dir, + data_desc.domains, + all_domains=data_desc.all_domains, + vocab=data_desc.vocab, + slots=data_desc.slots, + gating_dict=data_desc.gating_dict, + num_samples=num_samples, + shuffle=shuffle, + num_workers=0, + local_rank=local_rank, + batch_size=batch_size, + mode=data_prefix, + is_training=is_training, + input_dropout=input_dropout) src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens,\ gate_labels, turn_domain = data_layer() From 68d67a185a4015c916a85acd7a1d1d4e5c43d84d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2020 16:05:56 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 067/138] Updated data layer name for MultiWOZ Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py | 6 +++--- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 2 +- 2 files changed, 4 insertions(+), 4 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py index 3f133f06a96c..778278826f83 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py @@ -1095,12 +1095,12 @@ def __init__(self, ontology_file = open(f'{self.data_dir}/ontology.json', 'r') self.ontology = json.load(ontology_file) - self.get_slots() - self.get_vocab() - self.vocab_file = None self.slots = None + self.get_slots() + self.get_vocab() + def get_vocab(self): self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py index c1a6109d33e5..029d2f829597 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -257,7 +257,7 @@ def _loss_function(self, logits, targets, mask): log_probs_flat = torch.log(torch.clamp(logits_flat, min=eps)) target_flat = targets.view(-1, 1) losses_flat = -torch.gather(log_probs_flat, dim=1, index=target_flat) - losses = losses_flat.view(*targets.size()) # b * |s| * m + losses = losses_flat.view(*targets.size()) loss = self.masking(losses, mask) return loss From dfdacaac6f36c400ea268503026f22d1b517d240 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Fri, 24 Jan 2020 18:31:43 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 068/138] init commit of nlp refactoring Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py | 2 - .../nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/__init__.py | 0 .../{utils => }/callbacks/bert_pretraining.py | 0 .../nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/glue.py | 0 .../callbacks/joint_intent_slot.py | 0 .../callbacks/language_modeling.py | 0 .../callbacks/punctuation_capitalization.py | 0 .../callbacks/sentence_classification.py | 0 .../nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/squad.py | 0 .../callbacks/token_classification.py | 0 .../nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/translation.py | 0 nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py | 1 - .../nlp/{utils => }/metrics/__init__.py | 0 .../nlp/{utils => }/metrics/bleu.py | 0 .../{utils => }/metrics/fairseq_tokenizer.py | 0 .../nlp/{utils => }/metrics/sacrebleu.py | 0 .../nlp/{utils => }/metrics/squad_metrics.py | 0 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py | 3 +- .../nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py | 1 + .../data_layers}/data_layers.py | 0 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py | 42 +++++++++++++++++- nemo/collections/nlp/modules/pytorch_utils.py | 44 ------------------- .../nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py | 2 + .../nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py | 3 ++ .../{ => trainables/common}/classifiers.py | 3 +- .../nlp/modules/trainables/common/decoders.py | 0 .../nlp/modules/trainables/common/encoders.py | 0 .../specific}/huggingface/__init__.py | 0 .../trainables/specific}/huggingface/bert.py | 0 .../specific}/transformer/__init__.py | 0 .../specific}/transformer/decoders.py | 0 .../specific}/transformer/encoders.py | 0 .../specific}/transformer/generators.py | 0 .../specific}/transformer/modules.py | 0 .../specific/transformer}/transformer_nm.py | 0 .../trainables/specific}/transformer/utils.py | 0 36 files changed, 50 insertions(+), 51 deletions(-) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/__init__.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/bert_pretraining.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/glue.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/joint_intent_slot.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/language_modeling.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/sentence_classification.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/squad.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/token_classification.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/callbacks/translation.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/metrics/__init__.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/metrics/bleu.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/metrics/fairseq_tokenizer.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/metrics/sacrebleu.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils => }/metrics/squad_metrics.py (100%) create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py rename nemo/collections/nlp/{data => modules/data_layers}/data_layers.py (100%) delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/pytorch_utils.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py rename nemo/collections/nlp/modules/{ => trainables/common}/classifiers.py (99%) create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/decoders.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/encoders.py rename nemo/collections/nlp/{ => modules/trainables/specific}/huggingface/__init__.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{ => modules/trainables/specific}/huggingface/bert.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{ => modules/trainables/specific}/transformer/__init__.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{ => modules/trainables/specific}/transformer/decoders.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{ => modules/trainables/specific}/transformer/encoders.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{ => modules/trainables/specific}/transformer/generators.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{ => modules/trainables/specific}/transformer/modules.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/modules/{ => trainables/specific/transformer}/transformer_nm.py (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{ => modules/trainables/specific}/transformer/utils.py (100%) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py index 33c4a8aea2b2..1495342d7764 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py @@ -15,8 +15,6 @@ import nemo from .data import * -from .huggingface import * from .modules import * -from .transformer import * backend = nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/__init__.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/bert_pretraining.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/bert_pretraining.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/bert_pretraining.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/bert_pretraining.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/glue.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/glue.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/joint_intent_slot.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/joint_intent_slot.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/language_modeling.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/language_modeling.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/language_modeling.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/language_modeling.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/sentence_classification.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/sentence_classification.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/sentence_classification.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/sentence_classification.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/squad.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/squad.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/squad.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/squad.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/token_classification.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/token_classification.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/translation.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/translation.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callbacks/translation.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/translation.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py index 6e6bf8956b48..2d9b593373c2 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,2 @@ -from .data_layers import * from .datasets import * from .tokenizers import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/metrics/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/metrics/__init__.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/metrics/bleu.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/metrics/bleu.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/metrics/fairseq_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/fairseq_tokenizer.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/metrics/fairseq_tokenizer.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/fairseq_tokenizer.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/metrics/sacrebleu.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/metrics/sacrebleu.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/metrics/squad_metrics.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/metrics/squad_metrics.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py index 97328a8b6cbf..efcddca5904e 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ -from .classifiers import * +from .trainables import * +from .data_layers import * from .losses import * from .transformer_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..ff83d889fafa --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1 @@ +from .data_layers import * \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/data_layers.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/data_layers.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py index 2c1584ddfd98..4ee3ce2d9aaf 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py @@ -2,7 +2,6 @@ from torch import nn from ..utils.nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens -from .pytorch_utils import SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM from nemo.core.neural_types import * @@ -12,9 +11,50 @@ 'MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM', 'PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM', 'QuestionAnsweringLoss', + 'SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss', 'TokenClassificationLoss', ] +class SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss(torch.nn.Module): + """ + Cross-entropy loss with label smoothing for a batch of sequences. + + Args: + label_smoothing (float): label smoothing coefficient, usually set + between 0.0 and 0.1 in language modeling + and translation pipelines + predict_last_k (int): int parameter which sets the number of last + tokens to calculate the loss for, for example + 0: (default) calculate loss on the entire sequence (e.g., NMT) + 1: calculate loss on the last token only (e.g., LM evaluation) + Intermediate values allow to control the trade-off between eval + time (proportional to the number of batches) and eval performance + (proportional to the number of context tokens). + """ + + def __init__(self, label_smoothing=0.0, predict_last_k=0): + super().__init__() + self._smoothing = label_smoothing + self._predict_last_k = predict_last_k + + def forward(self, logits, output_ids, output_mask, eps=1e-6): + """ + Args: + logits: float tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len x vocab_size + output_ids: int tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len + output_mask: binary tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len + """ + batch_size, seq_len, vocab_size = logits.size() + smoothing = vocab_size * self._smoothing / (vocab_size - 1) + target_logits = logits.gather(2, output_ids.unsqueeze(2)).squeeze(2) + smoothing_logits = logits.mean(dim=-1) + neg_log_likelihood = (1.0 - smoothing) * target_logits + smoothing * smoothing_logits + neg_log_likelihood = neg_log_likelihood[:, -self._predict_last_k :] + output_mask = output_mask[:, -self._predict_last_k :] + neg_log_likelihood = -torch.sum(neg_log_likelihood * output_mask) + neg_log_likelihood = neg_log_likelihood / (output_mask.sum() + eps) + return neg_log_likelihood + class QuestionAnsweringLoss(LossNM): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/pytorch_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/pytorch_utils.py deleted file mode 100644 index 58af90a6b595..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/pytorch_utils.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,44 +0,0 @@ -__all__ = ['SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss'] - -import torch - - -class SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss(torch.nn.Module): - """ - Cross-entropy loss with label smoothing for a batch of sequences. - - Args: - label_smoothing (float): label smoothing coefficient, usually set - between 0.0 and 0.1 in language modeling - and translation pipelines - predict_last_k (int): int parameter which sets the number of last - tokens to calculate the loss for, for example - 0: (default) calculate loss on the entire sequence (e.g., NMT) - 1: calculate loss on the last token only (e.g., LM evaluation) - Intermediate values allow to control the trade-off between eval - time (proportional to the number of batches) and eval performance - (proportional to the number of context tokens). - """ - - def __init__(self, label_smoothing=0.0, predict_last_k=0): - super().__init__() - self._smoothing = label_smoothing - self._predict_last_k = predict_last_k - - def forward(self, logits, output_ids, output_mask, eps=1e-6): - """ - Args: - logits: float tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len x vocab_size - output_ids: int tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len - output_mask: binary tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len - """ - batch_size, seq_len, vocab_size = logits.size() - smoothing = vocab_size * self._smoothing / (vocab_size - 1) - target_logits = logits.gather(2, output_ids.unsqueeze(2)).squeeze(2) - smoothing_logits = logits.mean(dim=-1) - neg_log_likelihood = (1.0 - smoothing) * target_logits + smoothing * smoothing_logits - neg_log_likelihood = neg_log_likelihood[:, -self._predict_last_k :] - output_mask = output_mask[:, -self._predict_last_k :] - neg_log_likelihood = -torch.sum(neg_log_likelihood * output_mask) - neg_log_likelihood = neg_log_likelihood / (output_mask.sum() + eps) - return neg_log_likelihood diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..9659fe752580 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +from .common import * +from .specific import * \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..52491c73ab01 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +from .classifiers import * +from .decoders import * +from .encoders import * \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/classifiers.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py similarity index 99% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/modules/classifiers.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py index 4aa171e693f4..033ffa62bbfc 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/classifiers.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py @@ -7,8 +7,7 @@ ] import torch.nn as nn - -from ..transformer.utils import transformer_weights_init +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import transformer_weights_init from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import MultiLayerPerceptron from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM, TrainableNM from nemo.collections.nlp.transformer.utils import gelu diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/decoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/decoders.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..e69de29bb2d1 diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/encoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/encoders.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..e69de29bb2d1 diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/huggingface/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/__init__.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/huggingface/__init__.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/__init__.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/huggingface/bert.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/bert.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/huggingface/bert.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/bert.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/__init__.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/decoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/decoders.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/decoders.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/decoders.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/encoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/encoders.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/encoders.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/encoders.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/generators.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/generators.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/modules.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/modules.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/modules.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/modules.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/transformer_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/modules/transformer_nm.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/utils.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/transformer/utils.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/utils.py From 889a2eb85e853c429fcb537111da4f1de3d6ca36 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Mon, 27 Jan 2020 14:22:20 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 069/138] fixed import errors Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py | 2 +- nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py | 1 - .../nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py | 2 +- nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py | 2 +- .../nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py | 2 +- .../nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py | 2 ++ .../trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py | 1 + .../trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py | 2 +- .../specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py | 12 ++++-------- nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py | 2 +- tests/nlp/test_squad.py | 3 ++- 11 files changed, 15 insertions(+), 16 deletions(-) create mode 100755 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py index 01f99d3c5d89..fb7ecbe45487 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py @@ -27,7 +27,7 @@ from tqdm import tqdm import nemo -from ...utils.metrics.squad_metrics import ( +from ...metrics.squad_metrics import ( _compute_softmax, _get_best_indexes, apply_no_ans_threshold, diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py index efcddca5904e..b1f805df1e97 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py @@ -1,4 +1,3 @@ from .trainables import * from .data_layers import * from .losses import * -from .transformer_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py index 05fb44c34590..ce01cca4b7b3 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py @@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ from torch.utils import data as pt_data import nemo -from .datasets import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import * from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import DataLayerNM from nemo.core.neural_types import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py index 4ee3ce2d9aaf..1825f41705a3 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py @@ -1,7 +1,7 @@ import torch from torch import nn -from ..utils.nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM from nemo.core.neural_types import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py index 033ffa62bbfc..fbec57b19359 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py @@ -10,7 +10,7 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import transformer_weights_init from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import MultiLayerPerceptron from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM, TrainableNM -from nemo.collections.nlp.transformer.utils import gelu +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import gelu from nemo.core.neural_types import * ACT2FN = {"gelu": gelu, "relu": nn.functional.relu} diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py new file mode 100755 index 000000000000..7fa0d221d5ac --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +from .huggingface import * +from .transformer import * \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py index 1f91c6035a59..68d58fe5e527 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py @@ -3,3 +3,4 @@ from .encoders import * from .generators import * from .modules import * +from .transformer_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py index 9e427a54db61..d866aabfdbac 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py @@ -7,7 +7,7 @@ import torch import torch.nn as nn -from ..utils.nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens from .utils import NEG_INF diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py index 0fef4622c482..9060febd24a1 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py @@ -11,14 +11,10 @@ import math -from ..transformer import ( - BeamSearchSequenceGenerator, - GreedySequenceGenerator, - TransformerDecoder, - TransformerEmbedding, - TransformerEncoder, -) -from ..transformer.utils import transformer_weights_init +# import BeamSearchSequenceGenerator, GreedySequenceGenerator, \ +# TransformerDecoder, TransformerEmbedding, TransformerEncoder + +from .utils import transformer_weights_init from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM, TrainableNM from nemo.core.neural_types import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py index 894348fc3114..8b137891791f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py @@ -1 +1 @@ -from . import callbacks, metrics, nlp_utils + diff --git a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py index 6da31b90ac7f..ecb45afefdae 100644 --- a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py +++ b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py @@ -22,7 +22,8 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.squad import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from tests.common_setup import NeMoUnitTest +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.squad import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.download_squad import SquadDownloader from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy from tests.common_setup import NeMoUnitTest From a14da52ca2796e2b66d6b7f24f9ed489184d562f Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Mon, 27 Jan 2020 15:27:14 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 070/138] make absolute imports Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py | 4 +-- nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/translation.py | 2 +- nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py | 4 +-- .../collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py | 30 +++++++++++++------ .../nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py | 2 -- .../nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py | 2 +- .../datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py | 1 - .../data/datasets/sentence_classification.py | 1 - nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py | 4 +-- .../nlp/data/datasets/token_classification.py | 1 - .../nlp/data/datasets/translation.py | 2 +- nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/utils.py | 2 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py | 12 ++++---- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py | 2 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py | 2 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py | 2 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/spc_tokenizer.py | 2 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py | 2 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/yttm_tokenizer.py | 2 +- nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py | 2 +- nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py | 6 ++-- .../nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py | 2 +- .../nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py | 2 +- nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py | 3 +- .../nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py | 4 +-- .../nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py | 6 ++-- .../modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py | 4 +-- .../modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py | 4 +-- .../specific/huggingface/__init__.py | 2 +- .../specific/transformer/__init__.py | 10 +++---- .../specific/transformer/decoders.py | 4 +-- .../specific/transformer/encoders.py | 8 +++-- .../specific/transformer/generators.py | 2 +- .../specific/transformer/modules.py | 2 +- .../specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py | 5 +--- nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py | 1 - 36 files changed, 77 insertions(+), 69 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py index 1495342d7764..5813202cb408 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py @@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ # ============================================================================= import nemo -from .data import * -from .modules import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules import * backend = nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/translation.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/translation.py index 02f168de00c1..c686bb459711 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/translation.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/translation.py @@ -3,8 +3,8 @@ import numpy as np -from ..metrics.sacrebleu import corpus_bleu from nemo.collections.asr.metrics import word_error_rate +from nemo.collections.nlp.metrics.sacrebleu import corpus_bleu GLOBAL_KEYS = ["eval_loss", "ref", "sys", "sent_ids", "nonpad_tokens"] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py index 2d9b593373c2..684d0dc79418 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py @@ -1,2 +1,2 @@ -from .datasets import * -from .tokenizers import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py index 3244c1266b19..96a5f3f944db 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py @@ -1,9 +1,21 @@ -from .bert_pretraining import BertPretrainingDataset, BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataset -from .glue import GLUEDataset -from .joint_intent_slot import BertJointIntentSlotDataset, BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset -from .language_modeling import LanguageModelingDataset -from .punctuation_capitalization import BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataset, BertPunctuationCapitalizationInferDataset -from .sentence_classification import BertSentenceClassificationDataset -from .squad import SquadDataset -from .token_classification import BertTokenClassificationDataset, BertTokenClassificationInferDataset -from .translation import TranslationDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.bert_pretraining import ( + BertPretrainingDataset, + BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataset, +) +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.glue import GLUEDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot import ( + BertJointIntentSlotDataset, + BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset, +) +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.language_modeling import LanguageModelingDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.punctuation_capitalization import ( + BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataset, + BertPunctuationCapitalizationInferDataset, +) +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.sentence_classification import BertSentenceClassificationDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.squad import SquadDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.token_classification import ( + BertTokenClassificationDataset, + BertTokenClassificationInferDataset, +) +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.translation import TranslationDataset diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py index 5eae9c95a766..4e49dee4db54 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py @@ -25,8 +25,6 @@ import numpy as np from torch.utils.data import Dataset -from . import utils - def get_features( queries, diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py index d8912da7f891..dbba0970d7ff 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py @@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ import numpy as np from torch.utils.data import Dataset -from .. import utils +import nemo.collections.nlp.utils as utils class LanguageModelingDataset(Dataset): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py index ecabfc64032f..7ee6c6c10b1c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py @@ -28,7 +28,6 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset import nemo -from . import utils def get_features( diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/sentence_classification.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/sentence_classification.py index 1847eaf7b205..b4ea5a2f762c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/sentence_classification.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/sentence_classification.py @@ -26,7 +26,6 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset import nemo -from . import utils class BertSentenceClassificationDataset(Dataset): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py index fb7ecbe45487..3d0b4e53f4d9 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py @@ -27,7 +27,8 @@ from tqdm import tqdm import nemo -from ...metrics.squad_metrics import ( +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import DataProcessor +from nemo.collections.nlp.metrics.squad_metrics import ( _compute_softmax, _get_best_indexes, apply_no_ans_threshold, @@ -39,7 +40,6 @@ merge_eval, normalize_answer, ) -from .utils import DataProcessor from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import _is_whitespace diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification.py index 857153ca9b3a..01cba9604ad4 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification.py @@ -28,7 +28,6 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset import nemo -from . import utils def get_features( diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/translation.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/translation.py index e9c1134e70e0..b4113f54e4cb 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/translation.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/translation.py @@ -18,7 +18,7 @@ import numpy as np from torch.utils.data import Dataset -from ..utils import clean_src_and_target, dataset_to_ids +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.utils import clean_src_and_target, dataset_to_ids class TranslationDataset(Dataset): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/utils.py index 4ec542e50ddf..d181142759b1 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/utils.py @@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ from tqdm import tqdm import nemo -from ...utils.nlp_utils import get_vocab, label2idx, write_vocab, write_vocab_in_order +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import get_vocab, label2idx, write_vocab, write_vocab_in_order DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP = '{} dataset has already been processed and stored at {}' MODE_EXISTS_TMP = '{} mode of {} dataset has already been processed and stored at {}' diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py index ba9baba6c89c..df0962c70372 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ -from .bert_tokenizer import NemoBertTokenizer -from .char_tokenizer import CharTokenizer -from .gpt2_tokenizer import NemoGPT2Tokenizer -from .spc_tokenizer import SentencePieceTokenizer -from .word_tokenizer import WordTokenizer -from .yttm_tokenizer import YouTokenToMeTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.bert_tokenizer import NemoBertTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.char_tokenizer import CharTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.gpt2_tokenizer import NemoGPT2Tokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.spc_tokenizer import SentencePieceTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.word_tokenizer import WordTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.yttm_tokenizer import YouTokenToMeTokenizer diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py index cc6b20e875a8..af27cb65147f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py @@ -2,7 +2,7 @@ from transformers import BertTokenizer -from .tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec def handle_quotes(text): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py index d634277bd3d5..3043fe2bfeb0 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ -from .tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec class CharTokenizer(TokenizerSpec): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py index 7c7417c9f0c7..3542827b2121 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ from transformers import GPT2Tokenizer -from .tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec class NemoGPT2Tokenizer(TokenizerSpec): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/spc_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/spc_tokenizer.py index 67a2c00bda3e..fbaaede3d13b 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/spc_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/spc_tokenizer.py @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ import sentencepiece as spm -from .tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec class SentencePieceTokenizer(TokenizerSpec): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py index f45940f03c58..a868aff11240 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ -from .tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec class WordTokenizer(TokenizerSpec): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/yttm_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/yttm_tokenizer.py index 94acc3e4b1ae..dcd837abe507 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/yttm_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/yttm_tokenizer.py @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ import youtokentome as yttm -from .tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec class YouTokenToMeTokenizer(TokenizerSpec): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py index 411743a91d34..e3c730ed6a70 100755 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py @@ -36,8 +36,8 @@ from itertools import zip_longest from typing import Iterable, List, Tuple, Union -from .fairseq_tokenizer import tokenize_en from nemo import logging +from nemo.collections.nlp.metrics.fairseq_tokenizer import tokenize_en VERSION = '1.3.5' diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py index b1f805df1e97..b483a741b2c1 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,3 @@ -from .trainables import * -from .data_layers import * -from .losses import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.data_layers import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.losses import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py index ff83d889fafa..7b439aa404da 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py @@ -1 +1 @@ -from .data_layers import * \ No newline at end of file +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.data_layers.data_layers import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py index ce01cca4b7b3..01c49956dd65 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py @@ -32,8 +32,8 @@ from torch.utils import data as pt_data import nemo -from nemo.collections.nlp.data import * from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import DataLayerNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import * from nemo.core.neural_types import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py index 1825f41705a3..16d625ef43af 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py @@ -1,8 +1,8 @@ import torch from torch import nn -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens from nemo.core.neural_types import * __all__ = [ @@ -15,6 +15,7 @@ 'TokenClassificationLoss', ] + class SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss(torch.nn.Module): """ Cross-entropy loss with label smoothing for a batch of sequences. diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py index 9659fe752580..1c082cf5efc5 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py @@ -1,2 +1,2 @@ -from .common import * -from .specific import * \ No newline at end of file +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.common import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py index 52491c73ab01..4369b9dd4e72 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,3 @@ -from .classifiers import * -from .decoders import * -from .encoders import * \ No newline at end of file +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.common.classifiers import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.common.decoders import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.common.encoders import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py index fbec57b19359..12529fda33b8 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py @@ -7,10 +7,10 @@ ] import torch.nn as nn -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import transformer_weights_init + from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import MultiLayerPerceptron from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM, TrainableNM -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import gelu +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import gelu, transformer_weights_init from nemo.core.neural_types import * ACT2FN = {"gelu": gelu, "relu": nn.functional.relu} diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py index 7fa0d221d5ac..d8e9d9fb7867 100755 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py @@ -1,2 +1,2 @@ -from .huggingface import * -from .transformer import * \ No newline at end of file +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.huggingface import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/__init__.py index 5074307bd60a..97df31fb5177 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/__init__.py @@ -1 +1 @@ -from .bert import BERT +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.huggingface.bert import BERT diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py index 68d58fe5e527..8518c02337ea 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -from .decoders import * -from .encoders import * -from .generators import * -from .modules import * -from .transformer_nm import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.decoders import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.encoders import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.generators import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.modules import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.transformer_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/decoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/decoders.py index ccd1b26d2f38..02da2a455a42 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/decoders.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/decoders.py @@ -5,8 +5,8 @@ import torch import torch.nn as nn -from .modules import MultiHeadAttention, PositionWiseFF -from .utils import form_attention_mask +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.modules import MultiHeadAttention, PositionWiseFF +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import form_attention_mask class TransformerDecoderBlock(nn.Module): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/encoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/encoders.py index 1eb63eb55124..73a3ff34a949 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/encoders.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/encoders.py @@ -10,8 +10,12 @@ import torch import torch.nn as nn -from .modules import MultiHeadAttention, PositionWiseFF, TwoStreamSelfAttention -from .utils import form_attention_mask +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.modules import ( + MultiHeadAttention, + PositionWiseFF, + TwoStreamSelfAttention, +) +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import form_attention_mask class TransformerEncoderBlock(nn.Module): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py index d866aabfdbac..f7c62d3a9d74 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py @@ -7,8 +7,8 @@ import torch import torch.nn as nn +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import NEG_INF from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens -from .utils import NEG_INF class GreedySequenceGenerator(nn.Module): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/modules.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/modules.py index e958c1951c6c..e2635c54a7dd 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/modules.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/modules.py @@ -36,7 +36,7 @@ import torch from torch import nn -from .utils import gelu +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import gelu try: from apex.normalization import FusedLayerNorm diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py index 9060febd24a1..2e6c8d7fde59 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py @@ -11,11 +11,8 @@ import math -# import BeamSearchSequenceGenerator, GreedySequenceGenerator, \ -# TransformerDecoder, TransformerEmbedding, TransformerEncoder - -from .utils import transformer_weights_init from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM, TrainableNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import transformer_weights_init from nemo.core.neural_types import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py index 8b137891791f..e69de29bb2d1 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py @@ -1 +0,0 @@ - From ffcd7fb5c9fb4fc12b26790230f3e7e366afb8b7 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Mon, 27 Jan 2020 15:42:05 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 071/138] fix import error Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py | 12 ++++++------ 1 file changed, 6 insertions(+), 6 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py index df0962c70372..610f5cb19f90 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.bert_tokenizer import NemoBertTokenizer -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.char_tokenizer import CharTokenizer -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.gpt2_tokenizer import NemoGPT2Tokenizer -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.spc_tokenizer import SentencePieceTokenizer -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.word_tokenizer import WordTokenizer -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizer.yttm_tokenizer import YouTokenToMeTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.bert_tokenizer import NemoBertTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.char_tokenizer import CharTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.gpt2_tokenizer import NemoGPT2Tokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.spc_tokenizer import SentencePieceTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.word_tokenizer import WordTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.yttm_tokenizer import YouTokenToMeTokenizer From 52d8a70b6b779e64fde2da717c293a731df25cfe Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Mon, 27 Jan 2020 17:09:27 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 072/138] fix imports Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py | 4 ++-- examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py | 6 +++--- examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py | 10 +++++----- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py | 2 +- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py | 4 ++-- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py | 6 +++--- examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py | 2 +- examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py | 11 ++++------- examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py | 4 ++-- examples/nlp/token_classification.py | 8 ++++---- examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py | 2 +- .../nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py | 3 +++ .../nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py | 2 +- .../nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py | 1 + .../trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py | 7 +++++++ tests/nlp/test_squad.py | 4 ++-- 16 files changed, 42 insertions(+), 34 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py b/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py index e29969fe95f3..3d404a38126a 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py +++ b/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py @@ -6,8 +6,8 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.translation import eval_epochs_done_callback_wer, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.bert_tokenizer import NemoBertTokenizer -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.translation import eval_epochs_done_callback_wer, eval_iter_callback from nemo.core.callbacks import CheckpointCallback from nemo.utils.lr_policies import SquareAnnealing @@ -66,7 +66,7 @@ tokens_to_add = vocab_size - tokenizer.vocab_size zeros_transform = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.ZerosLikeNM() -encoder = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_model, local_rank=args.local_rank) +encoder = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_model, local_rank=args.local_rank) device = encoder.bert.embeddings.word_embeddings.weight.get_device() zeros = torch.zeros((tokens_to_add, args.d_model)).to(device=device) encoder.bert.embeddings.word_embeddings.weight.data = torch.cat( diff --git a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py index 2207fe5184fa..a01fcbd301ab 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py +++ b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py @@ -67,9 +67,9 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.bert_pretraining import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import BERTPretrainingDataDesc -from nemo.collections.nlp.transformer.utils import gelu -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.bert_pretraining import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import gelu from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='BERT pretraining') @@ -174,7 +174,7 @@ args.vocab_size = tokenizer.vocab_size print(vars(args)) -bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT( +bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT( vocab_size=args.vocab_size, num_hidden_layers=args.num_hidden_layers, hidden_size=args.hidden_size, diff --git a/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py b/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py index a30bec8d0021..0e82410ae6d4 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py +++ b/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py @@ -73,8 +73,8 @@ NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer, ) +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.glue import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import output_modes, processors -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.glue import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description="GLUE_with_pretrained_BERT") @@ -216,10 +216,10 @@ if args.bert_checkpoint is None: """ Use this if you're using a standard BERT model. To see the list of pretrained models, call: - nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() + nemo_nlp.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) else: """ Use this if you're using a BERT model that you pre-trained yourself. Replace BERT-STEP-150000.pt with the path to your checkpoint. @@ -234,9 +234,9 @@ if args.bert_config is not None: with open(args.bert_config) as json_file: config = json.load(json_file) - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(**config) + model = nemo_nlp.BERT(**config) else: - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py index 6a005ab15759..e209583750fb 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py @@ -35,7 +35,7 @@ See the list of pretrained models, call: nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ -pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) +pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] tokenizer = BertTokenizer.from_pretrained(args.pretrained_bert_model) diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py index 69e69c2f47ca..552aa3f1184c 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py @@ -28,9 +28,9 @@ """ Load the pretrained BERT parameters See the list of pretrained models, call: -nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() +nemo_nlp.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ -pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf) +pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf) tokenizer = BertTokenizer.from_pretrained(args.pretrained_bert_model) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py index 665f1701b62c..d6eb928eb70c 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py @@ -7,8 +7,8 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.joint_intent_slot import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import JointIntentSlotDataDesc -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.joint_intent_slot import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy # Parsing arguments @@ -71,10 +71,10 @@ nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ if args.bert_checkpoint and args.bert_config: - pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(config_filename=args.bert_config, factory=nf) + pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT(config_filename=args.bert_config, factory=nf) pretrained_bert_model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) else: - pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf) + pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] diff --git a/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py b/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py index 49775c187ce3..d79c9cf5d059 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py +++ b/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py @@ -7,7 +7,7 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.translation import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.translation import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy parser = nemo.utils.NemoArgParser(description='Transformer for Neural Machine Translation') diff --git a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py index 0ca47dde7acc..eb833a57b9a4 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py +++ b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py @@ -8,11 +8,8 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp from nemo.collections.nlp import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer, TokenClassificationLoss, TokenClassifier +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.punctuation_capitalization import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import utils -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.punctuation_capitalization import ( - eval_epochs_done_callback, - eval_iter_callback, -) from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy # Parsing arguments @@ -119,7 +116,7 @@ nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) else: """ Use this if you're using a BERT model that you pre-trained yourself. """ @@ -133,9 +130,9 @@ if args.bert_config is not None: with open(args.bert_config) as json_file: config = json.load(json_file) - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(**config) + model = nemo_nlp.BERT(**config) else: - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) nemo.logging.info(f"Model restored from {args.bert_checkpoint}") diff --git a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py index 25d08e67ad7d..eff97b5892d4 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py @@ -75,9 +75,9 @@ """ Load the pretrained BERT parameters See the list of pretrained models, call: -nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() +nemo_nlp.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ -pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) +pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) diff --git a/examples/nlp/token_classification.py b/examples/nlp/token_classification.py index a6c782d1f214..799237f57879 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/token_classification.py +++ b/examples/nlp/token_classification.py @@ -8,8 +8,8 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp from nemo.collections.nlp import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer, TokenClassificationLoss, TokenClassifier +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.token_classification import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import utils -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.token_classification import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy # Parsing arguments @@ -116,7 +116,7 @@ nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) else: """ Use this if you're using a BERT model that you pre-trained yourself. """ @@ -130,9 +130,9 @@ if args.bert_config is not None: with open(args.bert_config) as json_file: config = json.load(json_file) - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(**config) + model = nemo_nlp.BERT(**config) else: - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) nemo.logging.info(f"Model restored from {args.bert_checkpoint}") diff --git a/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py b/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py index 41ca2e960ffb..618c7c61e330 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py +++ b/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py @@ -3,8 +3,8 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.language_modeling import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import LanguageModelDataDesc -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.language_modeling import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.utils.lr_policies import CosineAnnealing parser = nemo.utils.NemoArgParser(description='LM Transformer') diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py index 4e49dee4db54..fc92902f3408 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py @@ -25,6 +25,9 @@ import numpy as np from torch.utils.data import Dataset +import nemo +import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils as utils + def get_features( queries, diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py index dbba0970d7ff..869246a7f3a7 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py @@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ import numpy as np from torch.utils.data import Dataset -import nemo.collections.nlp.utils as utils +import nemo.collections.nlp.data.utils as utils class LanguageModelingDataset(Dataset): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py index 7ee6c6c10b1c..df359582476e 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py @@ -28,6 +28,7 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset import nemo +import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils def get_features( diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py index 2e6c8d7fde59..d7bf904c888e 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py @@ -12,6 +12,13 @@ import math from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM, TrainableNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.decoders import TransformerDecoder +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.encoders import TransformerEncoder +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.generators import ( + BeamSearchSequenceGenerator, + GreedySequenceGenerator, +) +from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.modules import TransformerEmbedding from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import transformer_weights_init from nemo.core.neural_types import * diff --git a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py index ecb45afefdae..aba688c0455f 100644 --- a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py +++ b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py @@ -92,7 +92,7 @@ def test_squad_v1(self): neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, ) - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=pretrained_bert_model) hidden_size = model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] qa_head = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=2, num_layers=1, log_softmax=False,) squad_loss = nemo_nlp.QuestionAnsweringLoss() @@ -199,7 +199,7 @@ def test_squad_v2(self): neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, ) - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=pretrained_bert_model) hidden_size = model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] qa_head = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=2, num_layers=1, log_softmax=False,) squad_loss = nemo_nlp.QuestionAnsweringLoss() From ff7774b3a07c73671091b445566f284ec3bb788a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2020 10:32:25 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 073/138] rebase master Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- tests/nlp/test_squad.py | 1 - 1 file changed, 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py index aba688c0455f..13e751971d39 100644 --- a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py +++ b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py @@ -22,7 +22,6 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from tests.common_setup import NeMoUnitTest from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.squad import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.download_squad import SquadDownloader from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy From 7be1709624629a64994ba23a210971cd612d634f Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2020 16:50:57 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 074/138] Improved masking in loss function. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 40 +++++++++++-------- 1 file changed, 23 insertions(+), 17 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py index 029d2f829597..a0034dc7becc 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -263,22 +263,28 @@ def _loss_function(self, logits, targets, mask): @staticmethod def masking(losses, mask): - mask_ = [] - batch_size = mask.size(0) + + #mask_ = [] + #batch_size = mask.size(0) max_len = losses.size(2) - for si in range(mask.size(1)): - seq_range = torch.arange(0, max_len).long() - seq_range_expand = \ - seq_range.unsqueeze(0).expand(batch_size, max_len) - if mask[:, si].is_cuda: - seq_range_expand = seq_range_expand.cuda() - seq_length_expand = mask[:, si].unsqueeze( - 1).expand_as(seq_range_expand) - mask_.append((seq_range_expand < seq_length_expand)) - mask_ = torch.stack(mask_) - mask_ = mask_.transpose(0, 1) - if losses.is_cuda: - mask_ = mask_.cuda() - losses = losses * mask_.float() - loss = losses.sum() / (mask_.sum().float()) + + mask_ = torch.arange(max_len, device=mask.device)[None, None, :] < mask[:, :, None] + #mask_ = torch.arange(max_len, device=mask.device).expand(losses.size()) < mask.expand(losses) + + # for si in range(mask.size(1)): + # seq_range = torch.arange(0, max_len).long() + # seq_range_expand = \ + # seq_range.unsqueeze(0).expand(batch_size, max_len) + # if mask[:, si].is_cuda: + # seq_range_expand = seq_range_expand.cuda() + # seq_length_expand = mask[:, si].unsqueeze( + # 1).expand_as(seq_range_expand) + # mask_.append((seq_range_expand < seq_length_expand)) + # mask_ = torch.stack(mask_) + # mask_ = mask_.transpose(0, 1) + # if losses.is_cuda: + # mask_ = mask_.cuda() + mask_ = mask_.float() + losses = losses * mask_ + loss = losses.sum() / mask_.sum() return loss From 9fc7ed56e276e37b6fb13eedd6c4b735df893574 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2020 16:55:28 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 075/138] Enabled gpu computation in callbacks. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 1 + .../dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 38 +++++++++---------- 2 files changed, 20 insertions(+), 19 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py index a0034dc7becc..e01a20935a7f 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -284,6 +284,7 @@ def masking(losses, mask): # mask_ = mask_.transpose(0, 1) # if losses.is_cuda: # mask_ = mask_.cuda() + mask_ = mask_.float() losses = losses * mask_ loss = losses.sum() / mask_.sum() diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index 0296a81fa200..92a5dcb177bc 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -27,32 +27,32 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, loss_numpy = v[0].cpu().numpy() global_vars['loss'].append(loss_numpy) if kv.startswith('point_outputs'): - point_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() - # point_outputs = v[0] # .cpu().numpy() + # point_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() + point_outputs = v[0] # .cpu().numpy() if kv.startswith('gate_outputs'): - gate_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() - # gate_outputs = v[0] # .cpu().numpy() + # gate_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() + gate_outputs = v[0] # .cpu().numpy() if kv.startswith('gating_labels'): gating_labels = v[0].cpu().numpy() global_vars['gating_labels'].extend(gating_labels) if kv.startswith('tgt_ids'): - tgt_ids = v[0].cpu().numpy() - # tgt_ids = v[0] #.cpu().numpy() + # tgt_ids = v[0].cpu().numpy() + tgt_ids = v[0] #.cpu().numpy() - # point_outputs_max = torch.argmax(point_outputs, dim=-1) - # mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == eval_data_layer.pad_id) - # comp_res = ((point_outputs_max == tgt_ids) | mask_paddings) - # comp_res = torch.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) - - point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) + point_outputs_max = torch.argmax(point_outputs, dim=-1) mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == data_desc.vocab.pad_id) - comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) - comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) - - #global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res.cpu().numpy()) - global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res) - global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1)) - #global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(torch.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1).cpu().numpy()) + comp_res = ((point_outputs_max == tgt_ids) | mask_paddings) + comp_res = torch.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) + + # point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) + # mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == data_desc.vocab.pad_id) + # comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) + # comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) + + global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res.cpu().numpy()) + # global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res) + # global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1)) + global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(torch.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1).cpu().numpy()) def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, data_desc): From 9cc23d96f3f350c146aecda9388fdef6bd4c5691 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2020 17:21:31 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 076/138] Enabled gpu computation in callbacks. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py index e01a20935a7f..3d72f76e508f 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py @@ -145,7 +145,7 @@ def forward(self, maxlen = encoder_outputs.size(1) padding_mask_bool = ~ (torch.arange(maxlen, device=self._device)[None, :] <= enc_len[:, None]) - padding_mask = torch.zeros_like(padding_mask_bool, dtype=encoder_outputs.dtype) + padding_mask = torch.zeros_like(padding_mask_bool, dtype=encoder_outputs.dtype, device=self._device) padding_mask.masked_fill_(mask=padding_mask_bool, value=-np.inf) for wi in range(max_res_len): From 5683269c069b86cfceeef45a123843fc509d8ed2 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 29 Jan 2020 18:06:57 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 077/138] Enabled gpu computation in callbacks. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 22 +++++-------------- 1 file changed, 5 insertions(+), 17 deletions(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index 92a5dcb177bc..ca456790e1e0 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -27,31 +27,21 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, loss_numpy = v[0].cpu().numpy() global_vars['loss'].append(loss_numpy) if kv.startswith('point_outputs'): - # point_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() - point_outputs = v[0] # .cpu().numpy() + point_outputs = v[0] if kv.startswith('gate_outputs'): - # gate_outputs = v[0].cpu().numpy() - gate_outputs = v[0] # .cpu().numpy() + gate_outputs = v[0] if kv.startswith('gating_labels'): gating_labels = v[0].cpu().numpy() global_vars['gating_labels'].extend(gating_labels) if kv.startswith('tgt_ids'): - # tgt_ids = v[0].cpu().numpy() - tgt_ids = v[0] #.cpu().numpy() + tgt_ids = v[0] point_outputs_max = torch.argmax(point_outputs, dim=-1) mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == data_desc.vocab.pad_id) comp_res = ((point_outputs_max == tgt_ids) | mask_paddings) comp_res = torch.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) - # point_outputs_max = np.argmax(point_outputs, axis=-1) - # mask_paddings = (tgt_ids == data_desc.vocab.pad_id) - # comp_res = np.logical_or(point_outputs_max == tgt_ids, mask_paddings) - # comp_res = np.all(comp_res, axis=-1, keepdims=False) - global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res.cpu().numpy()) - # global_vars['comp_res'].extend(comp_res) - # global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(np.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1)) global_vars['gating_preds'].extend(torch.argmax(gate_outputs, axis=-1).cpu().numpy()) @@ -89,10 +79,8 @@ def evaluate_metrics(comp_res, gating_labels, gating_preds, ptr_code): correct_slots += 1 else: turn_wrong = True - elif gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] \ - == gating_preds[result_idx][slot_idx] \ - or (slot_eq and - gating_preds[result_idx][slot_idx] == ptr_code): + elif gating_labels[result_idx][slot_idx] == gating_preds[result_idx][slot_idx] \ + or (slot_eq and gating_preds[result_idx][slot_idx] == ptr_code): correct_slots += 1 else: turn_wrong = True From dd9c4e590376ab9fff78126df974bd35dec1de7d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 29 Jan 2020 18:21:38 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 078/138] Enabled gpu computation in callbacks. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py index 778278826f83..c060ddb6e2a7 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py +++ b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/utils.py @@ -1065,7 +1065,7 @@ def tokens2ids(self, tokens): class MultiWOZDataDesc: """ - Processes MultiWOZ dataset and creates vocabulary file and list of slots. + Processes MultiWOZ dataset, creates vocabulary file and list of slots. """ def __init__(self, From fdc421bae36c8e07428e2a7c07d691a3b140cbab Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 10:54:50 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 079/138] add all changed nlp files Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb | 18 +- examples/nlp/NERWithBERT.ipynb | 20 +- examples/nlp/PunctuationWithBERT.ipynb | 37 +- examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py | 28 +- examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py | 68 +- examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py | 109 +- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py | 23 +- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py | 25 +- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py | 48 +- examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py | 30 +- examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py | 83 +- .../nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py | 37 +- examples/nlp/scripts/process_wiki_zh.py | 10 +- examples/nlp/squad.py | 82 +- ...rt.py => text_classification_with_bert.py} | 33 +- examples/nlp/token_classification.py | 80 +- examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py | 26 +- examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py | 24 +- nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py | 8 +- nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py | 9 + .../{glue.py => glue_benchmark_callback.py} | 33 +- ..._slot.py => joint_intent_slot_callback.py} | 42 +- ...ert_pretraining.py => lm_bert_callback.py} | 0 ...modeling.py => lm_transformer_callback.py} | 0 ...ion.py => machine_translation_callback.py} | 25 +- ...=> punctuation_capitalization_callback.py} | 24 +- .../{squad.py => qa_squad_callback.py} | 6 +- ...ion.py => text_classification_callback.py} | 46 +- ...on.py => token_classification_callback.py} | 5 +- nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py | 1 + .../collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py | 24 +- .../nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py | 936 +++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/glue.py | 229 --- .../data/datasets/glue_benchmark_dataset.py | 593 ++++++ ...t_slot.py => joint_intent_slot_dataset.py} | 166 +- .../nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py | 40 - ...bert_pretraining.py => lm_bert_dataset.py} | 41 +- .../data/datasets/lm_transformer_dataset.py | 185 ++ ...tion.py => machine_translation_dataset.py} | 41 +- ... => punctuation_capitalization_dataset.py} | 14 +- .../{squad.py => qa_squad_dataset.py} | 128 +- ...tion.py => text_classification_dataset.py} | 119 +- ...ion.py => token_classification_dataset.py} | 57 +- nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/utils.py | 1681 ----------------- .../decoders.py => data/scripts/__init__.py} | 0 ...b_format_to_token_classification_format.py | 6 +- .../scripts/get_squad.py} | 13 +- .../nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py | 37 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py | 4 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py | 1 + .../nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py | 1 + .../tokenizers}/fairseq_tokenizer.py | 2 + .../nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py | 1 + ...okenizer.py => sentencepiece_tokenizer.py} | 1 + .../nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py | 1 + .../nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py | 1 + ...tokenizer.py => youtokentome_tokenizer.py} | 1 + nemo/collections/nlp/data/utils.py | 125 -- nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py | 1 + nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py | 23 +- nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py | 554 +++--- nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py | 116 +- nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py | 3 - .../nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py | 1 - .../nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py | 1160 ------------ nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py | 470 ----- .../nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py | 2 - .../nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py | 3 - .../modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py | 364 ---- .../modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py | 2 - .../specific/huggingface/__init__.py | 1 - .../specific/transformer/__init__.py | 6 - nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py | 4 + .../nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py | 10 + .../data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py | 142 ++ .../joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py | 165 ++ .../nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py | 211 +++ .../data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py | 55 + .../machine_translation_datalayer.py | 120 ++ .../punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py | 91 + .../nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py | 93 + .../text_classification_datalayer.py | 68 + .../nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py | 29 + .../token_classification_datalayer.py | 135 ++ nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py | 7 + .../nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py | 45 + .../nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py | 115 ++ .../losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py | 57 + .../padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py | 64 + .../nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py | 90 + .../nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py | 43 + .../nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py | 71 + .../nontrainables/.gitignore} | 0 .../collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py | 2 + .../nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py | 4 + .../trainables/common/huggingface/__init__.py | 1 + .../trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py} | 6 +- .../common/sequence_classification_nm.py | 68 + .../common/sequence_regression_nm.py | 62 + .../common/token_classification_nm.py | 154 ++ .../trainables/common/transformer/__init__.py | 2 + .../transformer/transformer_decoders.py} | 23 +- .../transformer/transformer_encoders.py} | 21 +- .../transformer/transformer_generators.py} | 26 +- .../transformer/transformer_modules.py} | 44 +- .../common}/transformer/transformer_nm.py | 31 +- .../common/transformer/transformer_utils.py} | 0 .../trainables/joint_intent_slot/__init__.py | 1 + .../joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py | 79 + nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py | 3 + nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py | 80 + .../{nlp_utils.py => common_nlp_utils.py} | 85 +- nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py | 24 + scripts/export_bert_to_trt.py | 46 +- tests/nlp/test_bert.py | 2 +- tests/nlp/test_spc_tokenizer.py | 2 +- tests/nlp/test_squad.py | 64 +- 117 files changed, 5185 insertions(+), 5394 deletions(-) rename examples/nlp/{sentence_classification_with_bert.py => text_classification_with_bert.py} (84%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/{glue.py => glue_benchmark_callback.py} (80%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/{joint_intent_slot.py => joint_intent_slot_callback.py} (81%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/{bert_pretraining.py => lm_bert_callback.py} (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/{language_modeling.py => lm_transformer_callback.py} (100%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/{translation.py => machine_translation_callback.py} (79%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/{punctuation_capitalization.py => punctuation_capitalization_callback.py} (81%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/{squad.py => qa_squad_callback.py} (94%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/{sentence_classification.py => text_classification_callback.py} (50%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/{token_classification.py => token_classification_callback.py} (91%) create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/glue.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/glue_benchmark_dataset.py rename nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/{joint_intent_slot.py => joint_intent_slot_dataset.py} (54%) delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py rename nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/{bert_pretraining.py => lm_bert_dataset.py} (91%) create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_transformer_dataset.py rename nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/{translation.py => machine_translation_dataset.py} (78%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/{punctuation_capitalization.py => punctuation_capitalization_dataset.py} (97%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/{squad.py => qa_squad_dataset.py} (88%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/{sentence_classification.py => text_classification_dataset.py} (54%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/{token_classification.py => token_classification_dataset.py} (87%) delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/utils.py rename nemo/collections/nlp/{modules/trainables/common/decoders.py => data/scripts/__init__.py} (100%) rename {scripts => nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts}/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py (95%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{utils/download_squad.py => data/scripts/get_squad.py} (82%) rename scripts/get_tatoeba_data.py => nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py (89%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{metrics => data/tokenizers}/fairseq_tokenizer.py (98%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/{spc_tokenizer.py => sentencepiece_tokenizer.py} (98%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/{yttm_tokenizer.py => youtokentome_tokenizer.py} (97%) delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/data/utils.py delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py delete mode 100755 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/__init__.py delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py rename nemo/collections/nlp/{modules/trainables/common/encoders.py => nm/nontrainables/.gitignore} (100%) create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/__init__.py rename nemo/collections/nlp/{modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/bert.py => nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py} (96%) create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/__init__.py rename nemo/collections/nlp/{modules/trainables/specific/transformer/decoders.py => nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_decoders.py} (85%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{modules/trainables/specific/transformer/encoders.py => nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_encoders.py} (90%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py => nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_generators.py} (95%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{modules/trainables/specific/transformer/modules.py => nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_modules.py} (92%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{modules/trainables/specific => nm/trainables/common}/transformer/transformer_nm.py (92%) rename nemo/collections/nlp/{modules/trainables/specific/transformer/utils.py => nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_utils.py} (100%) create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/__init__.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py rename nemo/collections/nlp/utils/{nlp_utils.py => common_nlp_utils.py} (55%) create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py diff --git a/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb b/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb index a9d82a21b5ee..bfbc68c39b43 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb +++ b/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb @@ -58,8 +58,8 @@ "from nemo.utils.lr_policies import CosineAnnealing\n", "\n", "import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp\n", - "from nemo.collections.nlp import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer\n", - "from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.bert_pretraining import eval_iter_callback, \\\n", + "from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer\n", + "from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.lm_bert_callback import eval_iter_callback, \\\n", " eval_epochs_done_callback\n", "\n", "BATCHES_PER_STEP = 1\n", @@ -126,7 +126,7 @@ "metadata": {}, "outputs": [], "source": [ - "bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(\n", + "bert_model = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.huggingface.BERT(\n", " vocab_size=tokenizer.vocab_size,\n", " num_hidden_layers=NUM_LAYERS,\n", " hidden_size=D_MODEL,\n", @@ -144,21 +144,21 @@ "outputs": [], "source": [ "# Masked Language Modeling Loss\n", - "mlm_classifier = nemo_nlp.BertTokenClassifier(D_MODEL,\n", + "mlm_classifier = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.BertTokenClassifier(D_MODEL,\n", " num_classes=tokenizer.vocab_size,\n", " activation=HIDDEN_ACT,\n", " log_softmax=True)\n", - "mlm_loss = nemo_nlp.MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM()\n", + "mlm_loss = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM()\n", "\n", "# Next Sentence Prediciton Loss\n", - "nsp_classifier = nemo_nlp.SequenceClassifier(D_MODEL,\n", + "nsp_classifier = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.SequenceClassifier(D_MODEL,\n", " num_classes=2,\n", " num_layers=2,\n", " activation='tanh',\n", " log_softmax=False)\n", "nsp_loss = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.CrossEntropyLoss()\n", "\n", - "bert_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2)" + "bert_loss = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2)" ] }, { @@ -168,7 +168,7 @@ "outputs": [], "source": [ "import os\n", - "train_data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertPretrainingDataLayer(\n", + "train_data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.BertPretrainingDataLayer(\n", " tokenizer=tokenizer,\n", " dataset=os.path.join(\"data/lm/wikitext-2\", \"train.txt\"),\n", " max_seq_length=MAX_SEQ_LENGTH,\n", @@ -176,7 +176,7 @@ " batch_size=BATCH_SIZE,\n", " factory=neural_factory)\n", "\n", - "eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertPretrainingDataLayer(\n", + "eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.BertPretrainingDataLayer(\n", " tokenizer=tokenizer,\n", " dataset=os.path.join(\"data/lm/wikitext-2\", \"valid.txt\"),\n", " max_seq_length=MAX_SEQ_LENGTH,\n", diff --git a/examples/nlp/NERWithBERT.ipynb b/examples/nlp/NERWithBERT.ipynb index 83e0f9811fbf..a0e0ffb00cc2 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/NERWithBERT.ipynb +++ b/examples/nlp/NERWithBERT.ipynb @@ -13,16 +13,18 @@ "from nemo.utils.lr_policies import WarmupAnnealing\n", "\n", "import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp\n", - "from nemo.collections.nlp import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer\n", - "from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.token_classification import \\\n", - " eval_iter_callback, eval_epochs_done_callback" + "from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer\n", + "from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.token_classification_callback import \\\n", + " eval_iter_callback, eval_epochs_done_callback\n", + "from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses import TokenClassificationLoss\n", + "from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables import TokenClassifier" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ - "You can download data from [here](https://github.com/kyzhouhzau/BERT-NER/tree/master/data) and use [this](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/blob/master/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py) script to preprocess it." + "You can download data from [here](https://github.com/kyzhouhzau/BERT-NER/tree/master/data) and use [this](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/blob/master/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py) script to preprocess it." ] }, { @@ -78,7 +80,7 @@ "# If you're using a standard BERT model, you should do it like this. To see the full\n", "# list of BERT model names, check out nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models()\n", "tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(pretrained_model=\"bert-base-cased\")\n", - "bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(\n", + "bert_model = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.huggingface.BERT(\n", " pretrained_model_name=\"bert-base-cased\")" ] }, @@ -89,7 +91,7 @@ "outputs": [], "source": [ "# Describe training DAG\n", - "train_data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertTokenClassificationDataLayer(\n", + "train_data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.BertTokenClassificationDataLayer(\n", " tokenizer=tokenizer,\n", " text_file=os.path.join(DATA_DIR, 'text_train.txt'),\n", " label_file=os.path.join(DATA_DIR, 'labels_train.txt'),\n", @@ -100,11 +102,11 @@ "num_classes = len(label_ids)\n", "\n", "hidden_size = bert_model.local_parameters[\"hidden_size\"]\n", - "ner_classifier = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(hidden_size=hidden_size,\n", + "ner_classifier = TokenClassifier(hidden_size=hidden_size,\n", " num_classes=num_classes,\n", " dropout=CLASSIFICATION_DROPOUT)\n", "\n", - "ner_loss = nemo_nlp.TokenClassificationLoss(d_model=hidden_size,\n", + "ner_loss = TokenClassificationLoss(d_model=hidden_size,\n", " num_classes=len(label_ids),\n", " dropout=CLASSIFICATION_DROPOUT)\n", "\n", @@ -125,7 +127,7 @@ "outputs": [], "source": [ "# Describe evaluation DAG\n", - "eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertTokenClassificationDataLayer(\n", + "eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.BertTokenClassificationDataLayer(\n", " tokenizer=tokenizer,\n", " text_file=os.path.join(DATA_DIR, 'text_dev.txt'),\n", " label_file=os.path.join(DATA_DIR, 'labels_dev.txt'),\n", diff --git a/examples/nlp/PunctuationWithBERT.ipynb b/examples/nlp/PunctuationWithBERT.ipynb index 4d92cdba7bac..7756f52ebd49 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/PunctuationWithBERT.ipynb +++ b/examples/nlp/PunctuationWithBERT.ipynb @@ -14,9 +14,11 @@ "from nemo.utils.lr_policies import WarmupAnnealing\n", "\n", "import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp\n", - "from nemo.collections.nlp import NemoBertTokenizer, TokenClassifier, TokenClassificationLoss\n", - "from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import utils\n", - "from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.punctuation_capitalization import eval_iter_callback, eval_epochs_done_callback\n", + "from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer\n", + "from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables import TokenClassifier\n", + "from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses import TokenClassificationLoss, LossAggregatorNM\n", + "from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.punctuation_capitalization_callback import eval_iter_callback, eval_epochs_done_callback\n", + "from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import calc_class_weights\n", "\n", "DATA_DIR = \"PATH_TO_WHERE_THE_DATA_IS\"\n", "WORK_DIR = \"PATH_TO_WHERE_TO_STORE_CHECKPOINTS_AND_LOGS\"\n", @@ -47,7 +49,7 @@ "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ - "In this notebook we're going to use a subset of English examples from the [Tatoeba collection of sentences](https://tatoeba.org/eng), set NUM_SAMPLES=-1 and consider including other datasets to improve the performance of the model. Use [NeMo/scripts/get_tatoeba_data.py](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/blob/master/scripts/get_tatoeba_data.py) to download and preprocess the Tatoeba data." + "In this notebook we're going to use a subset of English examples from the [Tatoeba collection of sentences](https://tatoeba.org/eng), set NUM_SAMPLES=-1 and consider including other datasets to improve the performance of the model. Use [NeMo/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba_data.py](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/blob/master/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba_data.py) to download and preprocess the Tatoeba data." ] }, { @@ -57,7 +59,8 @@ "outputs": [], "source": [ "# This should take about a minute since the data is already downloaded in the previous step\n", - "! python ../../scripts/get_tatoeba_data.py --data_dir $DATA_DIR --num_sample $NUM_SAMPLES" + "\n", + "! python ../../nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py --data_dir $DATA_DIR --num_sample $NUM_SAMPLES" ] }, { @@ -116,7 +119,7 @@ "# list of BERT model names, check out nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models()\n", "\n", "tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(pretrained_model=PRETRAINED_BERT_MODEL)\n", - "bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=PRETRAINED_BERT_MODEL)" + "bert_model = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=PRETRAINED_BERT_MODEL)" ] }, { @@ -132,7 +135,7 @@ "metadata": {}, "outputs": [], "source": [ - "train_data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer(\n", + "train_data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.PunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer(\n", " tokenizer=tokenizer,\n", " text_file=os.path.join(DATA_DIR, 'text_train.txt'),\n", " label_file=os.path.join(DATA_DIR, 'labels_train.txt'),\n", @@ -146,14 +149,14 @@ "\n", "\n", "# Define classifier for Punctuation and Capitalization tasks\n", - "punct_classifier = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(\n", + "punct_classifier = TokenClassifier(\n", " hidden_size=hidden_size,\n", " num_classes=len(punct_label_ids),\n", " dropout=CLASSIFICATION_DROPOUT,\n", " num_layers=PUNCT_NUM_FC_LAYERS,\n", " name='Punctuation')\n", "\n", - "capit_classifier = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(\n", + "capit_classifier = TokenClassifier(\n", " hidden_size=hidden_size,\n", " num_classes=len(capit_label_ids),\n", " dropout=CLASSIFICATION_DROPOUT,\n", @@ -162,14 +165,14 @@ "\n", "# If you don't want to use weighted loss for Punctuation task, use class_weights=None\n", "punct_label_freqs = train_data_layer.dataset.punct_label_frequencies\n", - "class_weights = utils.calc_class_weights(punct_label_freqs)\n", + "class_weights = calc_class_weights(punct_label_freqs)\n", "\n", "# define loss\n", - "punct_loss = nemo_nlp.TokenClassificationLoss(\n", + "punct_loss = TokenClassificationLoss(\n", " num_classes=len(punct_label_ids),\n", " class_weights=class_weights)\n", - "capit_loss = nemo_nlp.TokenClassificationLoss(num_classes=len(capit_label_ids))\n", - "task_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2)" + "capit_loss = TokenClassificationLoss(num_classes=len(capit_label_ids))\n", + "task_loss = LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2)" ] }, { @@ -220,7 +223,7 @@ "# during creation of the train_data_layer to make sure that the mapping is correct in case some of the labels from\n", "# the train set are missing in the dev set.\n", "\n", - "eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer(\n", + "eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.PunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer(\n", " tokenizer=tokenizer,\n", " text_file=os.path.join(DATA_DIR, 'text_dev.txt'),\n", " label_file=os.path.join(DATA_DIR, 'labels_dev.txt'),\n", @@ -363,7 +366,7 @@ "metadata": {}, "outputs": [], "source": [ - "infer_data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer(\n", + "infer_data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer(\n", " queries=queries,\n", " tokenizer=tokenizer,\n", " max_seq_length=MAX_SEQ_LENGTH,\n", @@ -401,7 +404,7 @@ "capit_preds = np.argmax(capit_logits, axis=2)\n", "\n", "for i, query in enumerate(queries):\n", - " nf.logger.info(f'Query: {query}')\n", + " print(f'Query: {query}')\n", "\n", " punct_pred = punct_preds[i][subtokens_mask[i] > 0.5]\n", " capit_pred = capit_preds[i][subtokens_mask[i] > 0.5]\n", @@ -421,7 +424,7 @@ " if punct_label != 'O':\n", " output += punct_label\n", " output += ' '\n", - " nf.logger.info(f'Combined: {output.strip()}\\n')" + " print(f'Combined: {output.strip()}\\n')" ] }, { diff --git a/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py b/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py index 3d404a38126a..82440a75c2d6 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py +++ b/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py @@ -6,7 +6,11 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.translation import eval_epochs_done_callback_wer, eval_iter_callback +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.machine_translation_datalayer +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.machine_translation_callback import ( + eval_epochs_done_callback_wer, + eval_iter_callback, +) from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.bert_tokenizer import NemoBertTokenizer from nemo.core.callbacks import CheckpointCallback from nemo.utils.lr_policies import SquareAnnealing @@ -47,7 +51,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--beam_size", default=4, type=int) parser.add_argument("--len_pen", default=0.0, type=float) parser.add_argument( - "--restore_from", dest="restore_from", type=str, default="../../scripts/bert-base-uncased_decoder.pt", + "--restore_from", dest="restore_from", type=str, default="../../scripts/bert-base-uncased_decoder.pt" ) args = parser.parse_args() @@ -66,14 +70,16 @@ tokens_to_add = vocab_size - tokenizer.vocab_size zeros_transform = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.ZerosLikeNM() -encoder = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_model, local_rank=args.local_rank) +encoder = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_model, local_rank=args.local_rank +) device = encoder.bert.embeddings.word_embeddings.weight.get_device() zeros = torch.zeros((tokens_to_add, args.d_model)).to(device=device) encoder.bert.embeddings.word_embeddings.weight.data = torch.cat( (encoder.bert.embeddings.word_embeddings.weight.data, zeros) ) -decoder = nemo_nlp.TransformerDecoderNM( +decoder = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.TransformerDecoderNM( d_model=args.d_model, d_inner=args.d_inner, num_layers=args.num_layers, @@ -90,11 +96,13 @@ decoder.restore_from(args.restore_from, local_rank=args.local_rank) -t_log_softmax = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(args.d_model, num_classes=vocab_size, num_layers=1, log_softmax=True) +t_log_softmax = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.TokenClassifier( + args.d_model, num_classes=vocab_size, num_layers=1, log_softmax=True +) -loss_fn = nemo_nlp.PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM(pad_id=tokenizer.pad_id(), smoothing=0.1) +loss_fn = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM(pad_id=tokenizer.pad_id(), smoothing=0.1) -beam_search = nemo_nlp.BeamSearchTranslatorNM( +beam_search = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.BeamSearchTranslatorNM( decoder=decoder, log_softmax=t_log_softmax, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, @@ -114,7 +122,7 @@ def create_pipeline(dataset, tokens_in_batch, clean=False, training=True): dataset_src = os.path.join(args.data_dir, dataset + "." + args.src_lang) dataset_tgt = os.path.join(args.data_dir, dataset + "." + args.tgt_lang) - data_layer = nemo_nlp.TranslationDataLayer( + data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.machine_translation_datalayer.TranslationDataLayer( tokenizer_src=tokenizer, tokenizer_tgt=tokenizer, dataset_src=dataset_src, @@ -126,7 +134,7 @@ def create_pipeline(dataset, tokens_in_batch, clean=False, training=True): input_type_ids = zeros_transform(input_type_ids=src) src_hiddens = encoder(input_ids=src, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=src_mask) tgt_hiddens = decoder( - input_ids_tgt=tgt, hidden_states_src=src_hiddens, input_mask_src=src_mask, input_mask_tgt=tgt_mask, + input_ids_tgt=tgt, hidden_states_src=src_hiddens, input_mask_src=src_mask, input_mask_tgt=tgt_mask ) log_softmax = t_log_softmax(hidden_states=tgt_hiddens) loss = loss_fn(logits=log_softmax, target_ids=labels) @@ -186,6 +194,6 @@ def print_loss(x): callbacks=callbacks, optimizer=args.optimizer, lr_policy=lr_policy, - optimization_params={"num_epochs": 300, "lr": args.lr, "weight_decay": args.weight_decay,}, + optimization_params={"num_epochs": 300, "lr": args.lr, "weight_decay": args.weight_decay}, batches_per_step=args.iter_per_step, ) diff --git a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py index a01fcbd301ab..08a24f2f3497 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py +++ b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py @@ -62,14 +62,11 @@ import math import os -import torch from pytorch_transformers import BertConfig import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.bert_pretraining import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import BERTPretrainingDataDesc -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import gelu +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import BERTPretrainingDataDesc from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='BERT pretraining') @@ -86,9 +83,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--beta2", default=0.25, type=float) parser.add_argument("--amp_opt_level", default="O0", type=str, choices=["O0", "O1", "O2"]) parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.0, type=float) -parser.add_argument( - "--tokenizer", default="sentence-piece", type=str, choices=["sentence-piece", "nemo-bert"], -) +parser.add_argument("--tokenizer", default="sentence-piece", type=str, choices=["sentence-piece", "nemo-bert"]) parser.add_argument("--max_seq_length", default=128, type=int) parser.add_argument("--sample_size", default=1e7, type=int) parser.add_argument("--mask_probability", default=0.15, type=float) @@ -108,14 +103,10 @@ ) parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default="data/lm/wikitext-2", type=str) parser.add_argument( - "--preprocessed_data", action="store_true", default=False, help="specify if using preprocessed data", -) -parser.add_argument( - "--gradient_predivide", action="store_true", default=False, help="use gradient predivide", -) -parser.add_argument( - "--only_mlm_loss", action="store_true", default=False, help="use only masked language model loss", + "--preprocessed_data", action="store_true", default=False, help="specify if using preprocessed data" ) +parser.add_argument("--gradient_predivide", action="store_true", default=False, help="use gradient predivide") +parser.add_argument("--only_mlm_loss", action="store_true", default=False, help="use only masked language model loss") parser.add_argument( "--max_steps", default=-1, @@ -125,9 +116,7 @@ ) parser.add_argument("--dataset_name", default="wikitext-2", type=str) parser.add_argument("--load_dir", default=None, type=str) -parser.add_argument( - "--bert_checkpoint", default=None, type=str, help="specify path to pretrained BERT weights", -) +parser.add_argument("--bert_checkpoint", default=None, type=str, help="specify path to pretrained BERT weights") parser.add_argument("--work_dir", default="outputs/bert_lm", type=str) parser.add_argument("--save_epoch_freq", default=1, type=int) parser.add_argument("--save_step_freq", default=100, type=int) @@ -158,23 +147,23 @@ if not args.preprocessed_data: special_tokens = ['[PAD]', '[UNK]', '[CLS]', '[SEP]', '[MASK]'] data_desc = BERTPretrainingDataDesc( - args.dataset_name, args.data_dir, args.vocab_size, args.sample_size, special_tokens, 'train.txt', + args.dataset_name, args.data_dir, args.vocab_size, args.sample_size, special_tokens, 'train.txt' ) if args.tokenizer == "sentence-piece": nemo.logging.info("To use SentencePieceTokenizer.") - tokenizer = nemo_nlp.SentencePieceTokenizer(model_path=data_desc.tokenizer_model) + tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.SentencePieceTokenizer(model_path=data_desc.tokenizer_model) tokenizer.add_special_tokens(special_tokens) elif args.tokenizer == "nemo-bert": nemo.logging.info("To use NemoBertTokenizer.") vocab_file = os.path.join(args.data_dir, 'vocab.txt') # To train on a Chinese dataset, use NemoBertTokenizer - tokenizer = nemo_nlp.NemoBertTokenizer(vocab_file=vocab_file) + tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.NemoBertTokenizer(vocab_file=vocab_file) else: raise ValueError("Please add your tokenizer " "or use sentence-piece or nemo-bert.") args.vocab_size = tokenizer.vocab_size print(vars(args)) -bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT( +bert_model = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.huggingface.BERT( vocab_size=args.vocab_size, num_hidden_layers=args.num_hidden_layers, hidden_size=args.hidden_size, @@ -191,17 +180,17 @@ data layers, BERT encoder, and MLM and NSP loss functions """ -mlm_classifier = nemo_nlp.BertTokenClassifier( - args.hidden_size, num_classes=args.vocab_size, activation=args.hidden_act, log_softmax=True, +mlm_classifier = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.token_classification_nm.BertTokenClassifier( + args.hidden_size, num_classes=args.vocab_size, activation=args.hidden_act, log_softmax=True ) -mlm_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM() +mlm_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM() if not args.only_mlm_loss: - nsp_classifier = nemo_nlp.SequenceClassifier( - args.hidden_size, num_classes=2, num_layers=2, activation='tanh', log_softmax=False, + nsp_classifier = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.sequence_classification_nm.SequenceClassifier( + args.hidden_size, num_classes=2, num_layers=2, activation='tanh', log_softmax=False ) nsp_loss_fn = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.CrossEntropyLoss() - bert_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) + bert_loss = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) # tie weights of MLM softmax layer and embedding layer of the encoder if mlm_classifier.mlp.last_linear_layer.weight.shape != bert_model.bert.embeddings.word_embeddings.weight.shape: @@ -209,31 +198,26 @@ mlm_classifier.mlp.last_linear_layer.weight = bert_model.bert.embeddings.word_embeddings.weight -def create_pipeline( - data_file, batch_size, preprocessed_data=False, batches_per_step=1, **kwargs, -): +def create_pipeline(data_file, batch_size, preprocessed_data=False, batches_per_step=1, **kwargs): if not preprocessed_data: max_seq_length, mask_probability, short_seq_prob = ( kwargs['max_seq_length'], kwargs['mask_probability'], kwargs['short_seq_prob'], ) - data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertPretrainingDataLayer( - tokenizer, data_file, max_seq_length, mask_probability, short_seq_prob, batch_size=batch_size, + data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.lm_bert_datalayer.BertPretrainingDataLayer( + tokenizer, data_file, max_seq_length, mask_probability, short_seq_prob, batch_size=batch_size ) else: - training, max_predictions_per_seq = ( - kwargs['training'], - kwargs['max_predictions_per_seq'], - ) - data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataLayer( - data_file, max_predictions_per_seq, batch_size=batch_size, training=training, + training, max_predictions_per_seq = (kwargs['training'], kwargs['max_predictions_per_seq']) + data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.lm_bert_datalayer.BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataLayer( + data_file, max_predictions_per_seq, batch_size=batch_size, training=training ) steps_per_epoch = math.ceil(len(data_layer) / (batch_size * args.num_gpus * batches_per_step)) - (input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, output_ids, output_mask, nsp_labels,) = data_layer() - hidden_states = bert_model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask,) + (input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, output_ids, output_mask, nsp_labels) = data_layer() + hidden_states = bert_model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask) mlm_logits = mlm_classifier(hidden_states=hidden_states) mlm_loss = mlm_loss_fn(logits=mlm_logits, output_ids=output_ids, output_mask=output_mask) if not args.only_mlm_loss: @@ -294,11 +278,11 @@ def create_pipeline( if args.lr_policy is not None: if args.max_steps < 0: lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy( - args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, + args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion ) else: lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy( - args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.max_steps, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, + args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.max_steps, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion ) else: lr_policy_fn = None diff --git a/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py b/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py index 0e82410ae6d4..566e062a5f8c 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py +++ b/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py @@ -65,16 +65,13 @@ import os import nemo -import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import CrossEntropyLoss, MSELoss -from nemo.collections.nlp import ( - GlueDataLayerClassification, - GlueDataLayerRegression, - NemoBertTokenizer, - SentencePieceTokenizer, -) -from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.glue import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import output_modes, processors +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.glue_benchmark_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.glue_benchmark_dataset import output_modes, processors +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers import GlueClassificationDataLayer, GlueRegressionDataLayer +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_classification_nm import SequenceClassifier +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_regression_nm import SequenceRegression from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description="GLUE_with_pretrained_BERT") @@ -85,94 +82,71 @@ default='COLA', type=str, required=True, - help="The input data dir. Should contain the .tsv \ - files (or other data files) for the task.", + help="The input data dir. Should contain the .tsv files (or other data files) for the task.", ) parser.add_argument( "--task_name", default="CoLA", type=str, required=True, - choices=['cola', 'sst-2', 'mrpc', 'sts-b', 'qqp', 'mnli', 'qnli', 'rte', 'wnli',], - help="GLUE task name, MNLI includes both matched and \ - mismatched tasks", -) -parser.add_argument( - "--dataset_type", default="GLUEDataset", type=str, help='Type of dataset to create datalayers', -) -parser.add_argument( - "--pretrained_bert_model", default="bert-base-cased", type=str, help="Name of the pre-trained model", + choices=['cola', 'sst-2', 'mrpc', 'sts-b', 'qqp', 'mnli', 'qnli', 'rte', 'wnli'], + help="GLUE task name, MNLI includes both matched and mismatched tasks", ) parser.add_argument( - "--bert_checkpoint", default=None, type=str, help="Path to model checkpoint", -) -parser.add_argument( - "--bert_config", default=None, type=str, help="Path to bert config file in json format", + "--pretrained_bert_model", default="bert-base-cased", type=str, help="Name of the pre-trained model" ) +parser.add_argument("--bert_checkpoint", default=None, type=str, help="Path to model checkpoint") +parser.add_argument("--bert_config", default=None, type=str, help="Path to bert config file in json format") parser.add_argument( "--tokenizer_model", default="tokenizer.model", type=str, - help="Path to pretrained tokenizer model, \ - only used if --tokenizer is sentencepiece", + help="Path to pretrained tokenizer model, only used if --tokenizer is sentencepiece", ) parser.add_argument( "--tokenizer", default="nemobert", type=str, choices=["nemobert", "sentencepiece"], - help="tokenizer to use, \ - only relevant when using custom pretrained checkpoint.", + help="tokenizer to use, only relevant when using custom pretrained checkpoint.", ) parser.add_argument( "--max_seq_length", default=128, type=int, choices=range(1, 513), - help="The maximum total input sequence length after \ - tokenization.Sequences longer than this will be \ + help="The maximum total input sequence length after tokenization.Sequences longer than this will be \ truncated, sequences shorter will be padded.", ) parser.add_argument("--optimizer_kind", default="adam", type=str, help="Optimizer kind") parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default="WarmupAnnealing", type=str) parser.add_argument("--lr", default=5e-5, type=float, help="The initial learning rate.") parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.1, type=float) -parser.add_argument( - "--weight_decay", default=0.0, type=float, help="Weight deay if we apply some.", -) -parser.add_argument( - "--num_epochs", default=3, type=int, help="Total number of training epochs to perform.", -) -parser.add_argument( - "--batch_size", default=8, type=int, help="Batch size per GPU/CPU for training/evaluation.", -) +parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.0, type=float, help="Weight deay if we apply some.") +parser.add_argument("--num_epochs", default=3, type=int, help="Total number of training epochs to perform.") +parser.add_argument("--batch_size", default=8, type=int, help="Batch size per GPU/CPU for training/evaluation.") parser.add_argument("--num_gpus", default=1, type=int, help="Number of GPUs") parser.add_argument( - "--amp_opt_level", default="O0", type=str, choices=["O0", "O1", "O2"], help="01/02 to enable mixed precision", -) -parser.add_argument( - "--local_rank", type=int, default=None, help="For distributed training: local_rank", + "--amp_opt_level", default="O0", type=str, choices=["O0", "O1", "O2"], help="01/02 to enable mixed precision" ) +parser.add_argument("--local_rank", type=int, default=None, help="For distributed training: local_rank") parser.add_argument( "--work_dir", default='output_glue', type=str, - help="The output directory where the model predictions \ - and checkpoints will be written.", + help="The output directory where the model predictions and checkpoints will be written.", ) parser.add_argument( "--save_epoch_freq", default=1, type=int, - help="Frequency of saving checkpoint \ - '-1' - epoch checkpoint won't be saved", + help="Frequency of saving checkpoint '-1' - epoch checkpoint won't be saved", ) parser.add_argument( "--save_step_freq", default=-1, type=int, - help="Frequency of saving checkpoint \ - '-1' - step checkpoint won't be saved", + help="Frequency of saving checkpoint '-1' - step checkpoint won't be saved", ) parser.add_argument("--loss_step_freq", default=25, type=int, help="Frequency of printing loss") @@ -181,8 +155,7 @@ if not os.path.exists(args.data_dir): raise FileNotFoundError( "GLUE datasets not found. Datasets can be " - "obtained at https://gist.github.com/W4ngatang/ \ - 60c2bdb54d156a41194446737ce03e2e" + "obtained at https://gist.github.com/W4ngatang/60c2bdb54d156a41194446737ce03e2e" ) args.work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/{args.task_name.upper()}' @@ -216,10 +189,12 @@ if args.bert_checkpoint is None: """ Use this if you're using a standard BERT model. To see the list of pretrained models, call: - nemo_nlp.BERT.list_pretrained_models() + nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) - model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model + ) else: """ Use this if you're using a BERT model that you pre-trained yourself. Replace BERT-STEP-150000.pt with the path to your checkpoint. @@ -234,9 +209,11 @@ if args.bert_config is not None: with open(args.bert_config) as json_file: config = json.load(json_file) - model = nemo_nlp.BERT(**config) + model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT(**config) else: - model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model + ) model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) @@ -244,10 +221,10 @@ # uses [CLS] token for classification (the first token) if args.task_name == 'sts-b': - pooler = nemo_nlp.SequenceRegression(hidden_size=hidden_size) + pooler = SequenceRegression(hidden_size=hidden_size) glue_loss = MSELoss() else: - pooler = nemo_nlp.SequenceClassifier(hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=num_labels, log_softmax=False) + pooler = SequenceClassifier(hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=num_labels, log_softmax=False) glue_loss = CrossEntropyLoss() @@ -259,12 +236,11 @@ def create_pipeline( evaluate=False, processor=task_processors[0], ): - data_layer = GlueDataLayerClassification + data_layer = GlueClassificationDataLayer if output_mode == 'regression': - data_layer = GlueDataLayerRegression + data_layer = GlueRegressionDataLayer data_layer = data_layer( - dataset_type=args.dataset_type, processor=processor, evaluate=evaluate, batch_size=batch_size, @@ -278,7 +254,7 @@ def create_pipeline( input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, labels = data_layer() - hidden_states = model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask,) + hidden_states = model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask) """ For STS-B (regressiont tast), the pooler_output represents a is single @@ -296,12 +272,7 @@ def create_pipeline( return loss, steps_per_epoch, data_layer, [pooler_output, labels] -token_params = { - 'bos_token': None, - 'eos_token': '[SEP]', - 'pad_token': '[PAD]', - 'cls_token': '[CLS]', -} +token_params = {'bos_token': None, 'eos_token': '[SEP]', 'pad_token': '[PAD]', 'cls_token': '[CLS]'} train_loss, steps_per_epoch, _, _ = create_pipeline() _, _, eval_data_layer, eval_tensors = create_pipeline(evaluate=True) @@ -342,11 +313,11 @@ def create_pipeline( ) ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( - folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq, + folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq ) lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy( - args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, + args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion ) nf.train( diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py index e209583750fb..9e33b4b6ffa5 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py @@ -2,12 +2,11 @@ import os import numpy as np -from sklearn.metrics import classification_report, confusion_matrix +from sklearn.metrics import classification_report from transformers import BertTokenizer -import nemo -import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import JointIntentSlotDataDesc +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot.joint_intent_slot_nm +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot_dataset import JointIntentSlotDataDesc # Parsing arguments parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='Joint-intent BERT') @@ -28,14 +27,16 @@ raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {args.data_dir}') nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=None, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=None ) """ Load the pretrained BERT parameters See the list of pretrained models, call: nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ -pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) +pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model +) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] tokenizer = BertTokenizer.from_pretrained(args.pretrained_bert_model) @@ -43,7 +44,7 @@ # Evaluation pipeline nemo.logging.info("Loading eval data...") -data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer( +data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.joint_intent_slot_datalayer.BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer( input_file=f'{data_desc.data_dir}/{args.eval_file_prefix}.tsv', slot_file=f'{data_desc.data_dir}/{args.eval_file_prefix}_slots.tsv', pad_label=data_desc.pad_label, @@ -55,11 +56,11 @@ local_rank=args.local_rank, ) -classifier = nemo_nlp.JointIntentSlotClassifier( - hidden_size=hidden_size, num_intents=data_desc.num_intents, num_slots=data_desc.num_slots, +classifier = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot.joint_intent_slot_nm.JointIntentSlotClassifier( + hidden_size=hidden_size, num_intents=data_desc.num_intents, num_slots=data_desc.num_slots ) -(ids, type_ids, input_mask, loss_mask, subtokens_mask, intents, slots,) = data_layer() +(ids, type_ids, input_mask, loss_mask, subtokens_mask, intents, slots) = data_layer() hidden_states = pretrained_bert_model(input_ids=ids, token_type_ids=type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask) intent_logits, slot_logits = classifier(hidden_states=hidden_states) @@ -69,7 +70,7 @@ # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `infer` action evaluated_tensors = nf.infer( - tensors=[intent_logits, slot_logits, loss_mask, subtokens_mask, intents, slots,], checkpoint_dir=args.work_dir, + tensors=[intent_logits, slot_logits, loss_mask, subtokens_mask, intents, slots], checkpoint_dir=args.work_dir ) diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py index 552aa3f1184c..da8062db5baf 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py @@ -3,10 +3,9 @@ import numpy as np from transformers import BertTokenizer -import nemo -import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import JointIntentSlotDataDesc -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import read_intent_slot_outputs +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot.joint_intent_slot_nm +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot_dataset import JointIntentSlotDataDesc +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import read_intent_slot_outputs # Parsing arguments parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='Joint-intent BERT') @@ -23,14 +22,16 @@ args = parser.parse_args() nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=None, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=None ) """ Load the pretrained BERT parameters See the list of pretrained models, call: nemo_nlp.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ -pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf) +pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf +) tokenizer = BertTokenizer.from_pretrained(args.pretrained_bert_model) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] @@ -40,13 +41,13 @@ if args.do_lower_case: query = query.lower() -data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertJointIntentSlotInferDataLayer( - queries=[query], tokenizer=tokenizer, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, batch_size=1, +data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.joint_intent_slot_datalayer.BertJointIntentSlotInferDataLayer( + queries=[query], tokenizer=tokenizer, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, batch_size=1 ) # Create sentence classification loss on top -classifier = nemo_nlp.JointIntentSlotClassifier( - hidden_size=hidden_size, num_intents=data_desc.num_intents, num_slots=data_desc.num_slots, dropout=args.fc_dropout, +classifier = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot.joint_intent_slot_nm.JointIntentSlotClassifier( + hidden_size=hidden_size, num_intents=data_desc.num_intents, num_slots=data_desc.num_slots, dropout=args.fc_dropout ) ids, type_ids, input_mask, loss_mask, subtokens_mask = data_layer() @@ -58,7 +59,7 @@ ########################################################################### -evaluated_tensors = nf.infer(tensors=[intent_logits, slot_logits, subtokens_mask], checkpoint_dir=args.work_dir,) +evaluated_tensors = nf.infer(tensors=[intent_logits, slot_logits, subtokens_mask], checkpoint_dir=args.work_dir) def concatenate(lists): @@ -68,5 +69,5 @@ def concatenate(lists): intent_logits, slot_logits, subtokens_mask = [concatenate(tensors) for tensors in evaluated_tensors] read_intent_slot_outputs( - [query], data_desc.intent_dict_file, data_desc.slot_dict_file, intent_logits, slot_logits, subtokens_mask, + [query], data_desc.intent_dict_file, data_desc.slot_dict_file, intent_logits, slot_logits, subtokens_mask ) diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py index d6eb928eb70c..eb37c7fe4e0a 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py @@ -7,8 +7,10 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.joint_intent_slot import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import JointIntentSlotDataDesc +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.joint_intent_slot_datalayer +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot.joint_intent_slot_nm +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.joint_intent_slot_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot_dataset import JointIntentSlotDataDesc from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy # Parsing arguments @@ -44,9 +46,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--do_lower_case", action='store_true') parser.add_argument("--shuffle_data", action='store_true') parser.add_argument("--intent_loss_weight", default=0.6, type=float) -parser.add_argument( - "--class_balancing", default="regular", type=str, choices=["regular", "weighted_loss"], -) +parser.add_argument("--class_balancing", default="regular", type=str, choices=["regular", "weighted_loss"]) args = parser.parse_args() @@ -71,34 +71,38 @@ nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ if args.bert_checkpoint and args.bert_config: - pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT(config_filename=args.bert_config, factory=nf) + pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + config_filename=args.bert_config, factory=nf + ) pretrained_bert_model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) else: - pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf) + pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf + ) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] data_desc = JointIntentSlotDataDesc( - args.data_dir, args.do_lower_case, args.dataset_name, args.none_slot_label, args.pad_label, + args.data_dir, args.do_lower_case, args.dataset_name, args.none_slot_label, args.pad_label ) # Create sentence classification loss on top -classifier = nemo_nlp.JointIntentSlotClassifier( - hidden_size=hidden_size, num_intents=data_desc.num_intents, num_slots=data_desc.num_slots, dropout=args.fc_dropout, +classifier = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot.joint_intent_slot_nm.JointIntentSlotClassifier( + hidden_size=hidden_size, num_intents=data_desc.num_intents, num_slots=data_desc.num_slots, dropout=args.fc_dropout ) if args.class_balancing == 'weighted_loss': # Using weighted loss will enable weighted loss for both intents and slots # Use the intent_loss_weight hyperparameter to adjust intent loss to # prevent overfitting or underfitting. - loss_fn = nemo_nlp.JointIntentSlotLoss( + loss_fn = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.JointIntentSlotLoss( num_slots=data_desc.num_slots, slot_classes_loss_weights=data_desc.slot_weights, intent_classes_loss_weights=data_desc.intent_weights, intent_loss_weight=args.intent_loss_weight, ) else: - loss_fn = nemo_nlp.JointIntentSlotLoss(num_slots=data_desc.num_slots) + loss_fn = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.JointIntentSlotLoss(num_slots=data_desc.num_slots) def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mode='train'): @@ -107,7 +111,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mod slot_file = f'{data_desc.data_dir}/{mode}_slots.tsv' shuffle = args.shuffle_data if mode == 'train' else False - data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer( + data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.joint_intent_slot_datalayer.BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer( input_file=data_file, slot_file=slot_file, pad_label=data_desc.pad_label, @@ -122,7 +126,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mod ignore_start_end=args.ignore_start_end, ) - (ids, type_ids, input_mask, loss_mask, subtokens_mask, intents, slots,) = data_layer() + (ids, type_ids, input_mask, loss_mask, subtokens_mask, intents, slots) = data_layer() data_size = len(data_layer) print(f'The length of data layer is {data_size}') @@ -140,19 +144,13 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mod intent_logits, slot_logits = classifier(hidden_states=hidden_states) loss = loss_fn( - intent_logits=intent_logits, slot_logits=slot_logits, loss_mask=loss_mask, intents=intents, slots=slots, + intent_logits=intent_logits, slot_logits=slot_logits, loss_mask=loss_mask, intents=intents, slots=slots ) if mode == 'train': tensors_to_evaluate = [loss, intent_logits, slot_logits] else: - tensors_to_evaluate = [ - intent_logits, - slot_logits, - intents, - slots, - subtokens_mask, - ] + tensors_to_evaluate = [intent_logits, slot_logits, intents, slots, subtokens_mask] return tensors_to_evaluate, loss, steps_per_epoch, data_layer @@ -191,11 +189,11 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mod # Create callback to save checkpoints ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( - folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq, + folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq ) lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy( - args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, + args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion ) nf.train( @@ -203,5 +201,5 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mod callbacks=[train_callback, eval_callback, ckpt_callback], lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, - optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, "lr": args.lr, "weight_decay": args.weight_decay,}, + optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, "lr": args.lr, "weight_decay": args.weight_decay}, ) diff --git a/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py b/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py index d79c9cf5d059..7c47ab70a163 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py +++ b/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py @@ -7,7 +7,7 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.translation import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.machine_translation_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy parser = nemo.utils.NemoArgParser(description='Transformer for Neural Machine Translation') @@ -76,14 +76,14 @@ We use YouTokenToMe tokenizer trained on joint English & German data for both source and target languages. """ - src_tokenizer = nemo_nlp.YouTokenToMeTokenizer(model_path=f"{args.data_dir}/{args.src_tokenizer_model}") + src_tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.YouTokenToMeTokenizer(model_path=f"{args.data_dir}/{args.src_tokenizer_model}") src_vocab_size = src_tokenizer.vocab_size if args.src_tokenizer_model == args.tgt_tokenizer_model: tgt_tokenizer = src_tokenizer # source and target use the same tokenizer, set tie_weight to True tie_weight = True else: - tgt_tokenizer = nemo_nlp.YouTokenToMeTokenizer(model_path=f"{args.data_dir}/{args.tgt_tokenizer_model}") + tgt_tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.YouTokenToMeTokenizer(model_path=f"{args.data_dir}/{args.tgt_tokenizer_model}") # source and target use different tokenizers, set tie_weight to False tie_weight = False tgt_vocab_size = tgt_tokenizer.vocab_size @@ -92,9 +92,9 @@ We use YouTokenToMeTokenizer for src since the src contains English words and CharTokenizer for tgt since the tgt contains Chinese characters. """ - src_tokenizer = nemo_nlp.YouTokenToMeTokenizer(model_path=f"{args.data_dir}/{args.src_tokenizer_model}") + src_tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.YouTokenToMeTokenizer(model_path=f"{args.data_dir}/{args.src_tokenizer_model}") src_vocab_size = src_tokenizer.vocab_size - tgt_tokenizer = nemo_nlp.CharTokenizer(vocab_path=f"{args.data_dir}/{args.tgt_tokenizer_model}") + tgt_tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.CharTokenizer(vocab_path=f"{args.data_dir}/{args.tgt_tokenizer_model}") tgt_vocab_size = tgt_tokenizer.vocab_size # source and target use different tokenizers, set tie_weight to False tie_weight = False @@ -104,7 +104,7 @@ # instantiate necessary modules for the whole translation pipeline, namely # data layers, encoder, decoder, output log_softmax, beam_search_translator # and loss function -encoder = nemo_nlp.TransformerEncoderNM( +encoder = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.TransformerEncoderNM( d_model=args.d_model, d_inner=args.d_inner, num_layers=args.num_layers, @@ -117,7 +117,7 @@ max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, ) -decoder = nemo_nlp.TransformerDecoderNM( +decoder = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.TransformerDecoderNM( d_model=args.d_model, d_inner=args.d_inner, num_layers=args.num_layers, @@ -130,11 +130,11 @@ max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, ) -log_softmax = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier( - args.d_model, num_classes=tgt_tokenizer.vocab_size, num_layers=1, log_softmax=True, +log_softmax = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.token_classification_nm.TokenClassifier( + args.d_model, num_classes=tgt_tokenizer.vocab_size, num_layers=1, log_softmax=True ) -beam_search = nemo_nlp.BeamSearchTranslatorNM( +beam_search = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.BeamSearchTranslatorNM( decoder=decoder, log_softmax=log_softmax, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, @@ -144,7 +144,7 @@ eos_token=tgt_tokenizer.eos_id(), ) -loss_fn = nemo_nlp.PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM( +loss_fn = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM( pad_id=tgt_tokenizer.pad_id(), label_smoothing=args.label_smoothing ) @@ -154,7 +154,7 @@ def create_pipeline(dataset_src, dataset_tgt, tokens_in_batch, clean=False, training=True): - data_layer = nemo_nlp.TranslationDataLayer( + data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.machine_translation_datalayer.TranslationDataLayer( tokenizer_src=src_tokenizer, tokenizer_tgt=tgt_tokenizer, dataset_src=dataset_src, @@ -165,7 +165,7 @@ def create_pipeline(dataset_src, dataset_tgt, tokens_in_batch, clean=False, trai src, src_mask, tgt, tgt_mask, labels, sent_ids = data_layer() src_hiddens = encoder(input_ids=src, input_mask_src=src_mask) tgt_hiddens = decoder( - input_ids_tgt=tgt, hidden_states_src=src_hiddens, input_mask_src=src_mask, input_mask_tgt=tgt_mask, + input_ids_tgt=tgt, hidden_states_src=src_hiddens, input_mask_src=src_mask, input_mask_tgt=tgt_mask ) logits = log_softmax(hidden_states=tgt_hiddens) loss = loss_fn(logits=logits, target_ids=labels) @@ -207,7 +207,7 @@ def create_pipeline(dataset_src, dataset_tgt, tokens_in_batch, clean=False, trai # callback which saves checkpoints once in a while ckpt_dir = nf.checkpoint_dir if not args.interactive else args.restore_checkpoint_from ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( - folder=ckpt_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq, checkpoints_to_keep=1, + folder=ckpt_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq, checkpoints_to_keep=1 ) # define learning rate decay policy @@ -228,7 +228,7 @@ def create_pipeline(dataset_src, dataset_tgt, tokens_in_batch, clean=False, trai callbacks=[train_callback, eval_callback, ckpt_callback], optimizer=args.optimizer, lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, - optimization_params={**stop_training_condition, "lr": args.lr, "weight_decay": args.weight_decay,}, + optimization_params={**stop_training_condition, "lr": args.lr, "weight_decay": args.weight_decay}, batches_per_step=args.iter_per_step, ) else: diff --git a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py index eb833a57b9a4..7e24be42f321 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py +++ b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py @@ -3,13 +3,18 @@ import argparse import json import os -import sys import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer, TokenClassificationLoss, TokenClassifier -from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.punctuation_capitalization import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import utils +import nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.punctuation_capitalization_callback import ( + eval_epochs_done_callback, + eval_iter_callback, +) +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers import PunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.token_classification_loss import TokenClassificationLoss +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables import TokenClassifier from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy # Parsing arguments @@ -37,9 +42,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--shuffle_data", action='store_true') parser.add_argument("--pretrained_bert_model", default="bert-base-uncased", type=str) parser.add_argument("--bert_checkpoint", default=None, type=str) -parser.add_argument( - "--bert_config", default=None, type=str, help="Path to bert config file in json format", -) +parser.add_argument("--bert_config", default=None, type=str, help="Path to bert config file in json format") parser.add_argument("--punct_classifier_checkpoint", default=None, type=str) parser.add_argument("--capit_classifier_checkpoint", default=None, type=str) parser.add_argument( @@ -64,9 +67,7 @@ help="The output directory where the model prediction\ and checkpoints will be written.", ) -parser.add_argument( - "--use_cache", action='store_true', help="Whether to cache preprocessed data", -) +parser.add_argument("--use_cache", action='store_true', help="Whether to cache preprocessed data") parser.add_argument( "--save_epoch_freq", default=1, @@ -81,9 +82,7 @@ help="Frequency of saving checkpoint \ '-1' - step checkpoint won't be saved", ) -parser.add_argument( - "--loss_step_freq", default=250, type=int, help="Frequency of printing loss", -) +parser.add_argument("--loss_step_freq", default=250, type=int, help="Frequency of printing loss") parser.add_argument( "--use_weighted_loss_punct", action='store_true', @@ -116,7 +115,9 @@ nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) - model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model + ) else: """ Use this if you're using a BERT model that you pre-trained yourself. """ @@ -130,20 +131,22 @@ if args.bert_config is not None: with open(args.bert_config) as json_file: config = json.load(json_file) - model = nemo_nlp.BERT(**config) + model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT(**config) else: - model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model + ) model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) nemo.logging.info(f"Model restored from {args.bert_checkpoint}") hidden_size = model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] -punct_classifier = "TokenClassifier" -punct_loss = "TokenClassificationLoss" +punct_classifier = TokenClassifier +punct_loss = TokenClassificationLoss -capit_classifier = "TokenClassifier" -capit_loss = "TokenClassificationLoss" +capit_classifier = TokenClassifier +capit_loss = TokenClassificationLoss task_loss = None @@ -184,7 +187,7 @@ def create_pipeline( [LABEL] [SPACE] [LABEL] [SPACE] [LABEL] (for labels.txt).' ) - data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer( + data_layer = PunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer( tokenizer=tokenizer, text_file=text_file, label_file=label_file, @@ -201,7 +204,7 @@ def create_pipeline( use_cache=use_cache, ) - (input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, loss_mask, subtokens_mask, punct_labels, capit_labels,) = data_layer() + (input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, loss_mask, subtokens_mask, punct_labels, capit_labels) = data_layer() if mode == 'train': punct_label_ids = data_layer.dataset.punct_label_ids @@ -211,10 +214,9 @@ def create_pipeline( if args.use_weighted_loss_punct: nemo.logging.info(f"Using weighted loss for punctuation task") punct_label_freqs = data_layer.dataset.punct_label_frequencies - class_weights = utils.calc_class_weights(punct_label_freqs) + class_weights = nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils.calc_class_weights(punct_label_freqs) # Initialize punctuation loss - punct_classifier = getattr(sys.modules[__name__], punct_classifier) punct_classifier = punct_classifier( hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=len(punct_label_ids), @@ -223,20 +225,17 @@ def create_pipeline( name='Punctuation', ) - punct_loss = getattr(sys.modules[__name__], punct_loss) punct_loss = punct_loss(num_classes=len(punct_label_ids), class_weights=class_weights) # Initialize capitalization loss - capit_classifier = getattr(sys.modules[__name__], capit_classifier) capit_classifier = capit_classifier( - hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=len(capit_label_ids), dropout=dropout, name='Capitalization', + hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=len(capit_label_ids), dropout=dropout, name='Capitalization' ) - capit_loss = getattr(sys.modules[__name__], capit_loss) capit_loss = capit_loss(num_classes=len(capit_label_ids)) - task_loss = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) + task_loss = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) - hidden_states = model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask,) + hidden_states = model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask) punct_logits = punct_classifier(hidden_states=hidden_states) capit_logits = capit_classifier(hidden_states=hidden_states) @@ -250,28 +249,16 @@ def create_pipeline( losses = [task_loss, punct_loss, capit_loss] logits = [punct_logits, capit_logits] - return ( - losses, - logits, - steps_per_epoch, - punct_label_ids, - capit_label_ids, - ) + return losses, logits, steps_per_epoch, punct_label_ids, capit_label_ids else: - tensors_to_evaluate = [ - punct_logits, - capit_logits, - punct_labels, - capit_labels, - subtokens_mask, - ] + tensors_to_evaluate = [punct_logits, capit_logits, punct_labels, capit_labels, subtokens_mask] return tensors_to_evaluate, data_layer -(losses, train_logits, steps_per_epoch, punct_label_ids, capit_label_ids,) = create_pipeline() +(losses, train_logits, steps_per_epoch, punct_label_ids, capit_label_ids) = create_pipeline() eval_tensors, data_layer = create_pipeline( - mode='dev', punct_label_ids=punct_label_ids, capit_label_ids=capit_label_ids, + mode='dev', punct_label_ids=punct_label_ids, capit_label_ids=capit_label_ids ) nemo.logging.info(f"steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") @@ -295,11 +282,11 @@ def create_pipeline( ) ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( - folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq, + folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq ) lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy( - args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, + args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion ) nf.train( diff --git a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py index eff97b5892d4..ee0405482b81 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py @@ -2,15 +2,13 @@ import os import numpy as np -from sklearn.metrics import classification_report -import nemo -import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp import NemoBertTokenizer -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import get_vocab +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import get_vocab # Parsing arguments -parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='NER with pretrained BERT') +parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='Punctuation and capitalization detection inference') parser.add_argument("--max_seq_length", default=128, type=int) parser.add_argument("--fc_dropout", default=0, type=float) parser.add_argument("--punct_num_fc_layers", default=3, type=int) @@ -26,8 +24,7 @@ 'how are you', 'how\'s the weather today', 'okay', - 'we bought four shirts one mug and ten ' - + 'thousand titan rtx graphics cards the more ' + 'we bought four shirts one mug and ten thousand titan rtx graphics cards the more ' + 'you buy the more you save', ], help="Example: --queries 'san francisco' --queries 'la'", @@ -66,7 +63,7 @@ ) nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=None, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=None ) punct_labels_dict = get_vocab(args.punct_labels_dict) @@ -75,17 +72,19 @@ """ Load the pretrained BERT parameters See the list of pretrained models, call: -nemo_nlp.BERT.list_pretrained_models() +nemo.collections.nlp.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ -pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) +pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model +) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) -data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer( - queries=args.queries, tokenizer=tokenizer, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, batch_size=1, +data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.token_classification_datalayer.BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer( + queries=args.queries, tokenizer=tokenizer, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, batch_size=1 ) -punct_classifier = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier( +punct_classifier = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm.TokenClassifier( hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=len(punct_labels_dict), dropout=args.fc_dropout, @@ -93,13 +92,13 @@ name='Punctuation', ) -capit_classifier = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier( - hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=len(capit_labels_dict), dropout=args.fc_dropout, name='Capitalization', +capit_classifier = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm.TokenClassifier( + hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=len(capit_labels_dict), dropout=args.fc_dropout, name='Capitalization' ) input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, loss_mask, subtokens_mask = data_layer() -hidden_states = pretrained_bert_model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask,) +hidden_states = pretrained_bert_model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask) punct_logits = punct_classifier(hidden_states=hidden_states) capit_logits = capit_classifier(hidden_states=hidden_states) @@ -107,9 +106,7 @@ ########################################################################### # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `infer` action -evaluated_tensors = nf.infer( - tensors=[punct_logits, capit_logits, subtokens_mask], checkpoint_dir=args.checkpoints_dir, -) +evaluated_tensors = nf.infer(tensors=[punct_logits, capit_logits, subtokens_mask], checkpoint_dir=args.checkpoints_dir) def concatenate(lists): diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/process_wiki_zh.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/process_wiki_zh.py index a7f195fbb9c0..3900fcbce997 100755 --- a/examples/nlp/scripts/process_wiki_zh.py +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/process_wiki_zh.py @@ -23,9 +23,7 @@ from functools import partial -def create_vocab( - lines, vocab_file, min_frequency=3, special_symbols=["[PAD]", "[SEP]", "[CLS]", "[MASK]", "[UNK]"], -): +def create_vocab(lines, vocab_file, min_frequency=3, special_symbols=["[PAD]", "[SEP]", "[CLS]", "[MASK]", "[UNK]"]): """Create vocabulary from lines""" # Count word occurency vocab = {} @@ -140,11 +138,9 @@ def process(data_dir, output_dir=None, min_frequency=3, max_files=-1): parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default="/raid/data/wiki_zh", type=str) parser.add_argument("--output_dir", default="./", type=str) parser.add_argument( - "--min_frequency", default=0, type=int, help="Characters occuring less frequently " "will be filtered out", - ) - parser.add_argument( - "--max_files", default=-1, type=int, help="Max number of dirs to process", + "--min_frequency", default=0, type=int, help="Characters occuring less frequently " "will be filtered out" ) + parser.add_argument("--max_files", default=-1, type=int, help="Max number of dirs to process") args = parser.parse_args() process(args.data_dir, args.output_dir, args.min_frequency, args.max_files) diff --git a/examples/nlp/squad.py b/examples/nlp/squad.py index da8e4dd7f9d5..bc0326c4f6d9 100755 --- a/examples/nlp/squad.py +++ b/examples/nlp/squad.py @@ -18,7 +18,7 @@ https://github.com/huggingface/transformers Download the Squad data by running the script: -examples/nlp/scripts/download_squad.py +examples/nlp/scripts/get_squad.py To finetune Squad v1.1 on pretrained BERT large uncased on 1 GPU: python squad.py @@ -64,7 +64,7 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.squad import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.qa_squad_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy @@ -79,17 +79,13 @@ def parse_args(): "(or other data files) for the task.", ) parser.add_argument( - "--pretrained_bert_model", default="bert-base-uncased", type=str, help="Name of the pre-trained model", + "--pretrained_bert_model", default="bert-base-uncased", type=str, help="Name of the pre-trained model" ) + parser.add_argument("--checkpoint_dir", default=None, type=str, help="Checkpoint directory for inference.") parser.add_argument( - "--checkpoint_dir", default=None, type=str, help="Checkpoint directory for inference.", - ) - parser.add_argument( - "--bert_checkpoint", default=None, type=str, help="Path to BERT model checkpoint for finetuning.", - ) - parser.add_argument( - "--bert_config", default=None, type=str, help="Path to bert config file in json format", + "--bert_checkpoint", default=None, type=str, help="Path to BERT model checkpoint for finetuning." ) + parser.add_argument("--bert_config", default=None, type=str, help="Path to bert config file in json format") parser.add_argument( "--tokenizer_model", default="tokenizer.model", @@ -107,23 +103,15 @@ def parse_args(): parser.add_argument("--lr_policy", default="WarmupAnnealing", type=str) parser.add_argument("--lr", default=3e-5, type=float, help="The initial learning rate.") parser.add_argument("--lr_warmup_proportion", default=0.0, type=float) - parser.add_argument( - "--weight_decay", default=0.0, type=float, help="Weight deay if we apply some.", - ) - parser.add_argument( - "--num_epochs", default=2, type=int, help="Total number of training epochs to perform.", - ) - parser.add_argument( - "--batch_size", default=8, type=int, help="Batch size per GPU/CPU for training/evaluation.", - ) + parser.add_argument("--weight_decay", default=0.0, type=float, help="Weight deay if we apply some.") + parser.add_argument("--num_epochs", default=2, type=int, help="Total number of training epochs to perform.") + parser.add_argument("--batch_size", default=8, type=int, help="Batch size per GPU/CPU for training/evaluation.") parser.add_argument( "--do_lower_case", action='store_true', help="Whether to lower case the input text. " "True for uncased models, False for cased models.", ) - parser.add_argument( - "--evaluation_only", action='store_true', help="Whether to only do evaluation.", - ) + parser.add_argument("--evaluation_only", action='store_true', help="Whether to only do evaluation.") parser.add_argument( "--doc_stride", default=128, @@ -149,11 +137,9 @@ def parse_args(): ) parser.add_argument("--num_gpus", default=1, type=int, help="Number of GPUs") parser.add_argument( - "--amp_opt_level", default="O0", type=str, choices=["O0", "O1", "O2"], help="01/02 to enable mixed precision", - ) - parser.add_argument( - "--local_rank", type=int, default=None, help="For distributed training: local_rank", + "--amp_opt_level", default="O0", type=str, choices=["O0", "O1", "O2"], help="01/02 to enable mixed precision" ) + parser.add_argument("--local_rank", type=int, default=None, help="For distributed training: local_rank") parser.add_argument( "--work_dir", default='output_squad', @@ -172,12 +158,8 @@ def parse_args(): type=int, help="Frequency of saving checkpoint " "'-1' - step checkpoint won't be saved", ) - parser.add_argument( - "--loss_step_freq", default=100, type=int, help="Frequency of printing loss", - ) - parser.add_argument( - "--eval_step_freq", default=500, type=int, help="Frequency of evaluation on dev data", - ) + parser.add_argument("--loss_step_freq", default=100, type=int, help="Frequency of printing loss") + parser.add_argument("--eval_step_freq", default=500, type=int, help="Frequency of evaluation on dev data") parser.add_argument( "--version_2_with_negative", action="store_true", @@ -195,9 +177,7 @@ def parse_args(): type=int, help="The total number of n-best predictions to " "generate in the nbest_predictions.json output file.", ) - parser.add_argument( - "--batches_per_step", default=1, type=int, help="Number of iterations per step.", - ) + parser.add_argument("--batches_per_step", default=1, type=int, help="Number of iterations per step.") parser.add_argument( "--max_answer_length", default=30, @@ -232,7 +212,7 @@ def create_pipeline( batches_per_step=1, mode="train", ): - data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer( + data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.qa_squad_datalayer.BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer( mode=mode, version_2_with_negative=version_2_with_negative, batch_size=batch_size, @@ -246,19 +226,19 @@ def create_pipeline( input_data = data_layer() hidden_states = model( - input_ids=input_data.input_ids, token_type_ids=input_data.input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_data.input_mask, + input_ids=input_data.input_ids, token_type_ids=input_data.input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_data.input_mask ) qa_output = head(hidden_states=hidden_states) loss_output = loss_fn( - logits=qa_output, start_positions=input_data.start_positions, end_positions=input_data.end_positions, + logits=qa_output, start_positions=input_data.start_positions, end_positions=input_data.end_positions ) steps_per_epoch = len(data_layer) // (batch_size * num_gpus * batches_per_step) return ( loss_output.loss, steps_per_epoch, - [loss_output.start_logits, loss_output.end_logits, input_data.unique_ids,], + [loss_output.start_logits, loss_output.end_logits, input_data.unique_ids], data_layer, ) @@ -266,9 +246,7 @@ def create_pipeline( if __name__ == "__main__": args = parse_args() if not os.path.exists(args.data_dir): - raise FileNotFoundError( - "SQUAD datasets not found. Datasets can be " "obtained using scripts/download_squad.py" - ) + raise FileNotFoundError("SQUAD datasets not found. Datasets can be " "obtained using scripts/get_squad.py") if not args.version_2_with_negative: args.work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/squad1.1' @@ -288,7 +266,7 @@ def create_pipeline( if args.tokenizer == "sentencepiece": try: - tokenizer = nemo_nlp.SentencePieceTokenizer(model_path=args.tokenizer_model) + tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.utilsSentencePieceTokenizer(model_path=args.tokenizer_model) except Exception: raise ValueError( "Using --tokenizer=sentencepiece \ @@ -296,25 +274,27 @@ def create_pipeline( ) tokenizer.add_special_tokens(["[CLS]", "[SEP]"]) elif args.tokenizer == "nemobert": - tokenizer = nemo_nlp.NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) + tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) else: raise ValueError(f"received unexpected tokenizer '{args.tokenizer}'") if args.bert_config is not None: with open(args.bert_config) as json_file: config = json.load(json_file) - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(**config) + model = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.huggingface.BERT(**config) else: """ Use this if you're using a standard BERT model. To see the list of pretrained models, call: nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ - model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) hidden_size = model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] - qa_head = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=2, num_layers=1, log_softmax=False) - squad_loss = nemo_nlp.QuestionAnsweringLoss() + qa_head = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.token_classification_nm.TokenClassifier( + hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=2, num_layers=1, log_softmax=False + ) + squad_loss = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.QuestionAnsweringLoss() if args.bert_checkpoint is not None: model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) @@ -359,7 +339,7 @@ def create_pipeline( ) ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( - folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq, + folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq ) callbacks_eval = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_output, @@ -378,9 +358,7 @@ def create_pipeline( ) lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy( - args.lr_policy, - total_steps=args.num_epochs * train_steps_per_epoch, - warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, + args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * train_steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion ) nf.train( diff --git a/examples/nlp/sentence_classification_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py similarity index 84% rename from examples/nlp/sentence_classification_with_bert.py rename to examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py index 62bce6491ee5..850360f79832 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/sentence_classification_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py @@ -2,14 +2,13 @@ import math import numpy as np -import torch -from torch import nn from transformers import BertTokenizer import nemo -import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import SentenceClassificationDataDesc -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callbacks.sentence_classification import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_classification_datalayer +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_classification_nm +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.text_classification_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.text_classification_dataset import SentenceClassificationDataDesc from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy # Parsing arguments @@ -45,9 +44,7 @@ parser.add_argument("--amp_opt_level", default="O0", type=str, choices=["O0", "O1", "O2"]) parser.add_argument("--do_lower_case", action='store_true') parser.add_argument("--shuffle_data", action='store_true') -parser.add_argument( - "--class_balancing", default="None", type=str, choices=["None", "weighted_loss"], -) +parser.add_argument("--class_balancing", default="None", type=str, choices=["None", "weighted_loss"]) args = parser.parse_args() @@ -68,10 +65,14 @@ """ if args.bert_checkpoint and args.bert_config: - pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(config_filename=args.bert_config, factory=nf) + pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + config_filename=args.bert_config, factory=nf + ) pretrained_bert_model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) else: - pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf) + pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf + ) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] tokenizer = BertTokenizer.from_pretrained(args.pretrained_bert_model) @@ -79,8 +80,8 @@ data_desc = SentenceClassificationDataDesc(args.dataset_name, args.data_dir, args.do_lower_case) # Create sentence classification loss on top -classifier = nemo_nlp.SequenceClassifier( - hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=data_desc.num_labels, dropout=args.fc_dropout, +classifier = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_classification_nm.SequenceClassifier( + hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=data_desc.num_labels, dropout=args.fc_dropout ) if args.class_balancing == 'weighted_loss': @@ -95,7 +96,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mod data_file = f'{data_desc.data_dir}/{mode}.tsv' shuffle = args.shuffle_data if mode == 'train' else False - data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertSentenceClassificationDataLayer( + data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_classification_datalayer.BertSentenceClassificationDataLayer( input_file=data_file, tokenizer=tokenizer, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, @@ -164,11 +165,11 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mod # Create callback to save checkpoints ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( - folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq, + folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq ) lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy( - args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, + args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion ) nf.train( @@ -176,5 +177,5 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mod callbacks=[train_callback, eval_callback, ckpt_callback], lr_policy=lr_policy_fn, optimizer=args.optimizer_kind, - optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, "lr": args.lr, "weight_decay": args.weight_decay,}, + optimization_params={"num_epochs": args.num_epochs, "lr": args.lr, "weight_decay": args.weight_decay}, ) diff --git a/examples/nlp/token_classification.py b/examples/nlp/token_classification.py index 799237f57879..a7b85166d8ec 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/token_classification.py +++ b/examples/nlp/token_classification.py @@ -3,20 +3,19 @@ import argparse import json import os -import sys import nemo -import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer, TokenClassificationLoss, TokenClassifier -from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.token_classification import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import utils +import nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.token_classification_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import datasets_utils +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers import BertTokenClassificationDataLayer +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses import TokenClassificationLoss +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables import TokenClassifier from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy # Parsing arguments -parser = argparse.ArgumentParser( - description="Token classification\ - with pretrained BERT" -) +parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description="Token classification with pretrained BERT") parser.add_argument("--local_rank", default=None, type=int) parser.add_argument("--batch_size", default=8, type=int) parser.add_argument("--max_seq_length", default=128, type=int) @@ -37,54 +36,41 @@ parser.add_argument("--shuffle_data", action='store_false') parser.add_argument("--pretrained_bert_model", default="bert-base-cased", type=str) parser.add_argument("--bert_checkpoint", default=None, type=str) -parser.add_argument( - "--bert_config", default=None, type=str, help="Path to bert config file in json format", -) +parser.add_argument("--bert_config", default=None, type=str, help="Path to bert config file in json format") parser.add_argument( "--tokenizer_model", default="tokenizer.model", type=str, - help="Path to pretrained tokenizer model, \ - only used if --tokenizer is sentencepiece", + help="Path to pretrained tokenizer model, only used if --tokenizer is sentencepiece", ) parser.add_argument( "--tokenizer", default="nemobert", type=str, choices=["nemobert", "sentencepiece"], - help="tokenizer to use, \ - only relevant when using custom pretrained checkpoint.", + help="tokenizer to use, only relevant when using custom pretrained checkpoint.", ) parser.add_argument( "--work_dir", default='output', type=str, - help="The output directory where the model prediction\ - and checkpoints will be written.", -) -parser.add_argument( - "--use_cache", action='store_true', help="Whether to cache preprocessed data", + help="The output directory where the model prediction and checkpoints will be written.", ) +parser.add_argument("--use_cache", action='store_true', help="Whether to cache preprocessed data") parser.add_argument( "--save_epoch_freq", default=1, type=int, - help="Frequency of saving checkpoint\ - '-1' - step checkpoint won't be saved", + help="Frequency of saving checkpoint '-1' - step checkpoint won't be saved", ) parser.add_argument( "--save_step_freq", default=-1, type=int, - help="Frequency of saving checkpoint \ - '-1' - step checkpoint won't be saved", -) -parser.add_argument( - "--loss_step_freq", default=250, type=int, help="Frequency of printing loss", -) -parser.add_argument( - "--use_weighted_loss", action='store_true', help="Flag to indicate whether to use weighted loss", + help="Frequency of saving checkpoint '-1' - step checkpoint won't be saved", ) +parser.add_argument("--loss_step_freq", default=250, type=int, help="Frequency of printing loss") +parser.add_argument("--use_weighted_loss", action='store_true', help="Flag to indicate whether to use weighted loss") args = parser.parse_args() @@ -113,10 +99,12 @@ if args.bert_checkpoint is None: """ Use this if you're using a standard BERT model. To see the list of pretrained models, call: - nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() + nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) - model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model + ) else: """ Use this if you're using a BERT model that you pre-trained yourself. """ @@ -130,17 +118,19 @@ if args.bert_config is not None: with open(args.bert_config) as json_file: config = json.load(json_file) - model = nemo_nlp.BERT(**config) + model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT(**config) else: - model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model + ) model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) nemo.logging.info(f"Model restored from {args.bert_checkpoint}") hidden_size = model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] -classifier = "TokenClassifier" -task_loss = "TokenClassificationLoss" +classifier = TokenClassifier +task_loss = TokenClassificationLoss def create_pipeline( @@ -179,7 +169,7 @@ def create_pipeline( [LABEL] [SPACE] [LABEL] [SPACE] [LABEL] (for labels.txt).' ) - data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertTokenClassificationDataLayer( + data_layer = BertTokenClassificationDataLayer( tokenizer=tokenizer, text_file=text_file, label_file=label_file, @@ -195,7 +185,7 @@ def create_pipeline( use_cache=use_cache, ) - (input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, loss_mask, subtokens_mask, labels,) = data_layer() + (input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, loss_mask, subtokens_mask, labels) = data_layer() if mode == 'train': label_ids = data_layer.dataset.label_ids @@ -204,19 +194,17 @@ def create_pipeline( if args.use_weighted_loss: nemo.logging.info(f"Using weighted loss") label_freqs = data_layer.dataset.label_frequencies - class_weights = utils.calc_class_weights(label_freqs) + class_weights = nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils.calc_class_weights(label_freqs) nemo.logging.info(f"class_weights: {class_weights}") - classifier = getattr(sys.modules[__name__], classifier) classifier = classifier( - hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=len(label_ids), dropout=dropout, num_layers=num_layers, + hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=len(label_ids), dropout=dropout, num_layers=num_layers ) - task_loss = getattr(sys.modules[__name__], task_loss) task_loss = task_loss(num_classes=len(label_ids), class_weights=class_weights) - hidden_states = model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask,) + hidden_states = model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask) logits = classifier(hidden_states=hidden_states) loss = task_loss(logits=logits, labels=labels, loss_mask=loss_mask) @@ -253,11 +241,11 @@ def create_pipeline( ) ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( - folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq, + folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq ) lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy( - args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion, + args.lr_policy, total_steps=args.num_epochs * steps_per_epoch, warmup_ratio=args.lr_warmup_proportion ) nf.train( diff --git a/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py b/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py index 4205909f41cc..d74f812ccb15 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py @@ -2,12 +2,10 @@ import os import numpy as np -from sklearn.metrics import classification_report -import nemo -import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp import NemoBertTokenizer -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import get_vocab +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import get_vocab # Parsing arguments parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='NER with pretrained BERT') @@ -46,7 +44,7 @@ raise ValueError(f'Dictionary with ids to labels not found at {args.labels_dict}') nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=None, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=None ) labels_dict = get_vocab(args.labels_dict) @@ -55,25 +53,29 @@ See the list of pretrained models, call: nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ -pretrained_bert_model = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) +pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model +) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) -data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer( - queries=args.queries, tokenizer=tokenizer, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, batch_size=1, +data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.token_classification_datalayer.BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer( + queries=args.queries, tokenizer=tokenizer, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, batch_size=1 ) -classifier = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=len(labels_dict), dropout=args.fc_dropout,) +classifier = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm.TokenClassifier( + hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=len(labels_dict), dropout=args.fc_dropout +) input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, _, subtokens_mask = data_layer() -hidden_states = pretrained_bert_model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask,) +hidden_states = pretrained_bert_model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask) logits = classifier(hidden_states=hidden_states) ########################################################################### # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `infer` action -evaluated_tensors = nf.infer(tensors=[logits, subtokens_mask], checkpoint_dir=args.work_dir,) +evaluated_tensors = nf.infer(tensors=[logits, subtokens_mask], checkpoint_dir=args.work_dir) def concatenate(lists): diff --git a/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py b/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py index 618c7c61e330..2c39c116a098 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py +++ b/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py @@ -3,8 +3,10 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.language_modeling import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import LanguageModelDataDesc +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.lm_transformer_datalayer +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.lm_transformer_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.lm_transformer_dataset import LanguageModelDataDesc from nemo.utils.lr_policies import CosineAnnealing parser = nemo.utils.NemoArgParser(description='LM Transformer') @@ -67,14 +69,14 @@ # define tokenizer, in this example we use word-level tokenizer # we also adjust the vocabulary size to make it multiple of 8 to accelerate # training in fp16 mode with the use of Tensor Cores -tokenizer = nemo_nlp.WordTokenizer(f"{args.data_dir}/{args.tokenizer_model}") +tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.WordTokenizer(f"{args.data_dir}/{args.tokenizer_model}") vocab_size = 8 * math.ceil(tokenizer.vocab_size / 8) # instantiate necessary modules for the whole translation pipeline, namely # data layers, encoder, decoder, output log_softmax, beam_search_translator # and loss function -encoder = nemo_nlp.TransformerEncoderNM( +encoder = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.TransformerEncoderNM( d_model=args.d_model, d_inner=args.d_inner, num_layers=args.num_layers, @@ -88,18 +90,22 @@ max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, ) -log_softmax = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(args.d_model, num_classes=vocab_size, num_layers=1, log_softmax=True) +log_softmax = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm.TokenClassifier( + args.d_model, num_classes=vocab_size, num_layers=1, log_softmax=True +) -loss = nemo_nlp.PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM(pad_id=tokenizer.pad_id(), label_smoothing=args.label_smoothing) +loss = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM( + pad_id=tokenizer.pad_id(), label_smoothing=args.label_smoothing +) # tie weight of embedding and log_softmax layers log_softmax.mlp.last_linear_layer.weight = encoder.embedding_layer.token_embedding.weight def create_pipeline( - dataset, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, batch_step=args.max_seq_length, batch_size=args.batch_size, + dataset, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, batch_step=args.max_seq_length, batch_size=args.batch_size ): - data_layer = nemo_nlp.LanguageModelingDataLayer( + data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.lm_transformer_datalayer.LanguageModelingDataLayer( dataset, tokenizer, max_seq_length, batch_step, batch_size=batch_size ) src, src_mask, labels = data_layer() @@ -141,7 +147,7 @@ def create_pipeline( # callback which saves checkpoints once in a while callback_ckpt = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( - folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq, checkpoints_to_keep=-1, + folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq, checkpoints_to_keep=-1 ) # define learning rate decay policy diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py index 5813202cb408..1f76b39a9ba2 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py @@ -13,8 +13,10 @@ # limitations under the License. # ============================================================================= -import nemo -from nemo.collections.nlp.data import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules import * +import nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks +import nemo.collections.nlp.data +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm +import nemo.collections.nlp.utils +from nemo import logging backend = nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py index e69de29bb2d1..7eb1261f041a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.glue_benchmark_callback import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.joint_intent_slot_callback import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.lm_bert_callback import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.lm_transformer_callback import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.machine_translation_callback import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.punctuation_capitalization_callback import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.qa_squad_callback import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.text_classification_callback import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.token_classification_callback import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue_benchmark_callback.py similarity index 80% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue_benchmark_callback.py index 3edb95fe6ea9..6cf082198329 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue_benchmark_callback.py @@ -28,7 +28,8 @@ from scipy.stats import pearsonr, spearmanr from sklearn.metrics import f1_score, matthews_corrcoef -import nemo +from nemo import logging +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str, tensor2list def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): @@ -46,16 +47,16 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): if 'logits' in kv: for v_tensor in v: for logit_tensor in v_tensor: - logits_lists.append(logit_tensor.detach().cpu().tolist()) + logits_lists.append(tensor2list(logit_tensor)) # for GLUE STS-B task (regression) elif 'preds' in kv: for v_tensor in v: for pred_tensor in v_tensor: - preds_lists.append(pred_tensor.detach().cpu().tolist()) + preds_lists.append(tensor2list(pred_tensor)) if 'labels' in kv: for v_tensor in v: for label_tensor in v_tensor: - labels_lists.append(label_tensor.detach().cpu().tolist()) + labels_lists.append(tensor2list(label_tensor)) if len(logits_lists) > 0: preds = list(np.argmax(np.asarray(logits_lists), 1)) @@ -66,21 +67,19 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): global_vars["all_labels"].extend(labels_lists) -def list2str(l): - return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) - - def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, output_dir, task_name): labels = np.asarray(global_vars['all_labels']) preds = np.asarray(global_vars['all_preds']) + # print predictions and labels for a small random subset of data + sample_size = 20 i = 0 - if preds.shape[0] > 21: - i = random.randint(0, preds.shape[0] - 21) + if preds.shape[0] > sample_size + 1: + i = random.randint(0, preds.shape[0] - sample_size - 1) - nemo.logging.info("Task name: %s" % task_name.upper()) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled preds: [%s]" % list2str(preds[i : i + 20])) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled labels: [%s]" % list2str(labels[i : i + 20])) + logging.info("Task name: %s" % task_name.upper()) + logging.info("Sampled preds: [%s]" % list2str(preds[i : i + sample_size])) + logging.info("Sampled labels: [%s]" % list2str(labels[i : i + sample_size])) results = compute_metrics(task_name, preds, labels) @@ -89,7 +88,7 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, output_dir, task_name): f.write('labels\t' + list2str(labels) + '\n') f.write('preds\t' + list2str(preds) + '\n') - nemo.logging.info(results) + logging.info(results) return results @@ -111,11 +110,7 @@ def mcc(preds, labels): def pearson_and_spearman(preds, labels): pearson_corr = pearsonr(preds, labels)[0] spearman_corr = spearmanr(preds, labels)[0] - return { - "pearson": pearson_corr, - "spearmanr": spearman_corr, - "corr": (pearson_corr + spearman_corr) / 2, - } + return {"pearson": pearson_corr, "spearmanr": spearman_corr, "corr": (pearson_corr + spearman_corr) / 2} def compute_metrics(task_name, preds, labels): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py similarity index 81% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py index 79db8a709f20..b4020cc59b11 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py @@ -1,23 +1,16 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -import os import random -import time -import matplotlib import numpy as np -from matplotlib import pyplot as plt -from sklearn.metrics import classification_report, confusion_matrix +from sklearn.metrics import classification_report import nemo +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str, plot_confusion_matrix, tensor2list __all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] -def tensor2list(tensor): - return tensor.detach().cpu().tolist() - - def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars, eval_data_layer): if "all_intent_preds" not in global_vars.keys(): global_vars["all_intent_preds"] = [] @@ -68,10 +61,6 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars, eval_data_layer): global_vars["all_subtokens_mask"].extend(all_subtokens_mask) -def list2str(l): - return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) - - def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold): intent_labels = np.asarray(global_vars['all_intent_labels']) intent_preds = np.asarray(global_vars['all_intent_preds']) @@ -83,24 +72,17 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold): slot_labels = slot_labels[subtokens_mask] slot_preds = slot_preds[subtokens_mask] + # print predictions and labels for a small random subset of data + sample_size = 20 i = 0 - if intent_preds.shape[0] > 21: - i = random.randint(0, intent_preds.shape[0] - 21) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled i_preds: [%s]" % list2str(intent_preds[i : i + 20])) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled intents: [%s]" % list2str(intent_labels[i : i + 20])) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled s_preds: [%s]" % list2str(slot_preds[i : i + 20])) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled slots: [%s]" % list2str(slot_labels[i : i + 20])) - cm = confusion_matrix(intent_labels, intent_preds) - nemo.logging.info(f'Confusion matrix:\n{cm}') - fig = plt.figure() - ax = fig.add_subplot(111) - cax = ax.matshow(cm) - plt.title('Confusion matrix of the classifier') - fig.colorbar(cax) - plt.xlabel('Predicted') - plt.ylabel('True') - os.makedirs(graph_fold, exist_ok=True) - plt.savefig(os.path.join(graph_fold, time.strftime('%Y%m%d-%H%M%S'))) + if intent_preds.shape[0] > sample_size + 1: + i = random.randint(0, intent_preds.shape[0] - sample_size - 1) + nemo.logging.info("Sampled i_preds: [%s]" % list2str(intent_preds[i : i + sample_size])) + nemo.logging.info("Sampled intents: [%s]" % list2str(intent_labels[i : i + sample_size])) + nemo.logging.info("Sampled s_preds: [%s]" % list2str(slot_preds[i : i + sample_size])) + nemo.logging.info("Sampled slots: [%s]" % list2str(slot_labels[i : i + sample_size])) + + plot_confusion_matrix(intent_labels, intent_preds, graph_fold) nemo.logging.info('Intent prediction results') correct_preds = sum(intent_labels == intent_preds) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/bert_pretraining.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/bert_pretraining.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/language_modeling.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/language_modeling.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/translation.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py similarity index 79% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/translation.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py index c686bb459711..c531421de0c6 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/translation.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py @@ -3,6 +3,7 @@ import numpy as np +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.asr.metrics import word_error_rate from nemo.collections.nlp.metrics.sacrebleu import corpus_bleu @@ -64,19 +65,19 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, validation_dataset=None): for i in range(3): sent_id = np.random.randint(len(all_sys)) - print("Ground truth: {0}\n".format(all_ref[0][sent_id])) - print("Translation: {0}\n".format(all_sys[sent_id])) + logging.info("Ground truth: {0}\n".format(all_ref[0][sent_id])) + logging.info("Translation: {0}\n".format(all_sys[sent_id])) - print("------------------------------------------------------------") - print("Validation loss: {0}".format(np.round(eval_loss, 3))) - print("TokenBLEU: {0}".format(np.round(token_bleu, 2))) - print("SacreBLEU: {0}".format(np.round(sacre_bleu, 2))) - print("------------------------------------------------------------") + logging.info("------------------------------------------------------------") + logging.info("Validation loss: {0}".format(np.round(eval_loss, 3))) + logging.info("TokenBLEU: {0}".format(np.round(token_bleu, 2))) + logging.info("SacreBLEU: {0}".format(np.round(sacre_bleu, 2))) + logging.info("------------------------------------------------------------") for key in GLOBAL_KEYS: global_vars[key] = [] - metrics = dict({"eval_loss": eval_loss, "token_bleu": token_bleu, "sacre_bleu": sacre_bleu,}) + metrics = dict({"eval_loss": eval_loss, "token_bleu": token_bleu, "sacre_bleu": sacre_bleu}) return metrics @@ -94,11 +95,11 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback_wer(global_vars): eval_wer = word_error_rate(ref, sys) for i in range(3): sent_id = np.random.randint(len(sys)) - print("Ground truth: {0}\n".format(ref[sent_id])) - print("Translation: {0}\n".format(sys[sent_id])) + logging.info("Ground truth: {0}\n".format(ref[sent_id])) + logging.info("Translation: {0}\n".format(sys[sent_id])) - print("Validation loss: {0}".format(np.round(eval_loss, 3))) - print("Validation WER: {0}".format(eval_wer)) + logging.info("Validation loss: {0}".format(np.round(eval_loss, 3))) + logging.info("Validation WER: {0}".format(eval_wer)) global_vars["eval_loss"] = [] global_vars["ref"] = [] global_vars["sys"] = [] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py similarity index 81% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py index a3f8d01add15..25cc05faebb0 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py @@ -7,8 +7,7 @@ from sklearn.metrics import classification_report import nemo -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import list2str, tensor2list -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import plot_confusion_matrix +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str, plot_confusion_matrix, tensor2list def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): @@ -64,9 +63,7 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): global_vars["all_subtokens_mask"].extend(all_subtokens_mask) -def eval_epochs_done_callback( - global_vars, punct_label_ids, capit_label_ids, graph_fold=None, normalize_cm=True, -): +def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, punct_label_ids, capit_label_ids, graph_fold=None, normalize_cm=True): ''' Args: graph_fold (str): path to output folder @@ -78,10 +75,7 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback( capit_accuracy = _eval_epochs_done_callback('capit', global_vars, capit_label_ids, graph_fold, normalize_cm) - return { - "Punctuation_task_accuracy": punct_accuracy, - "Capitalization_task_accuracy": capit_accuracy, - } + return {"Punctuation_task_accuracy": punct_accuracy, "Capitalization_task_accuracy": capit_accuracy} def _eval_epochs_done_callback(task_name, global_vars, label_ids, graph_fold=None, normalize_cm=True): @@ -93,25 +87,23 @@ def _eval_epochs_done_callback(task_name, global_vars, label_ids, graph_fold=Non preds = preds[subtokens_mask] accuracy = sum(labels == preds) / labels.shape[0] - nemo.logging.info(f'Accuracy for task {task_name}: {accuracy}') + logging.info(f'Accuracy for task {task_name}: {accuracy}') # print predictions and labels for a small random subset of data sample_size = 20 i = 0 if preds.shape[0] > sample_size + 1: i = random.randint(0, preds.shape[0] - sample_size - 1) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled preds: [%s]" % list2str(preds[i : i + sample_size])) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled labels: [%s]" % list2str(labels[i : i + sample_size])) + logging.info("Sampled preds: [%s]" % list2str(preds[i : i + sample_size])) + logging.info("Sampled labels: [%s]" % list2str(labels[i : i + sample_size])) # remove labels from label_ids that don't appear in the dev set used_labels = set(labels) | set(preds) label_ids = {k: label_ids[k] for k, v in label_ids.items() if v in used_labels} - nemo.logging.info(classification_report(labels, preds, target_names=label_ids)) + logging.info(classification_report(labels, preds, target_names=label_ids)) # calculate and plot confusion_matrix if graph_fold: - plot_confusion_matrix( - label_ids, labels, preds, graph_fold, normalize=normalize_cm, prefix=task_name, - ) + plot_confusion_matrix(labels, preds, graph_fold, label_ids, normalize=normalize_cm, prefix=task_name) return accuracy diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/squad.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py similarity index 94% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/squad.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py index 5f87132bc7e4..5c4a7b7ecdba 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/squad.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py @@ -14,6 +14,10 @@ limitations under the License. """ +__all__ = ['eval_epochs_done_callback', 'eval_iter_callback'] + +from nemo import logging + def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): if "eval_start_logits" not in global_vars.keys(): @@ -63,7 +67,7 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback( do_lower_case=do_lower_case, ) - print(f"Exact_match = {exact_match}, f1 = {f1}") + logging.info(f"Exact_match = {exact_match}, f1 = {f1}") global_vars["eval_unique_ids"] = [] global_vars["eval_start_logits"] = [] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/sentence_classification.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/text_classification_callback.py similarity index 50% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/sentence_classification.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/text_classification_callback.py index 4810bab9dde1..60d898118b82 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/sentence_classification.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/text_classification_callback.py @@ -1,15 +1,13 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation __all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] -import os import random -import time -import numpy as np # nopep8 -from matplotlib import pyplot as plt # nopep8 -from sklearn.metrics import classification_report, confusion_matrix # nopep8 +import numpy as np +from sklearn.metrics import classification_report -import nemo +from nemo import logging +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str, plot_confusion_matrix, tensor2list __all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] @@ -27,43 +25,31 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars, eval_data_layer): if 'logits' in kv: for v_tensor in v: for logit_tensor in v_tensor: - logits_lists.append(logit_tensor.detach().cpu().tolist()) + logits_lists.append(tensor2list(logit_tensor)) if 'labels' in kv: for v_tensor in v: for label_tensor in v_tensor: - labels_lists.append(label_tensor.detach().cpu().tolist()) + labels_lists.append(tensor2list(label_tensor)) preds = list(np.argmax(np.asarray(logits_lists), 1)) global_vars["all_preds"].extend(preds) global_vars["all_labels"].extend(labels_lists) -def list2str(l): - return ' '.join([str(j) for j in l]) - - def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold): labels = np.asarray(global_vars['all_labels']) preds = np.asarray(global_vars['all_preds']) accuracy = sum(labels == preds) / labels.shape[0] - nemo.logging.info(f'Accuracy: {accuracy}') - i = 0 - if preds.shape[0] > 21: - i = random.randint(0, preds.shape[0] - 21) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled preds: [%s]" % list2str(preds[i : i + 20])) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled labels: [%s]" % list2str(labels[i : i + 20])) - cm = confusion_matrix(labels, preds) - fig = plt.figure() - ax = fig.add_subplot(111) - cax = ax.matshow(cm) - plt.title('Confusion matrix of the classifier') - fig.colorbar(cax) - plt.xlabel('Predicted') - plt.ylabel('True') - os.makedirs(graph_fold, exist_ok=True) - plt.savefig(os.path.join(graph_fold, time.strftime('%Y%m%d-%H%M%S'))) - - nemo.logging.info(classification_report(labels, preds)) + logging.info(f'Accuracy: {accuracy}') + # print predictions and labels for a small random subset of data + sample_size = 20 + i = 0 + if preds.shape[0] > sample_size + 1: + i = random.randint(0, preds.shape[0] - sample_size - 1) + logging.info("Sampled preds: [%s]" % list2str(preds[i : i + sample_size])) + logging.info("Sampled labels: [%s]" % list2str(labels[i : i + sample_size])) + plot_confusion_matrix(labels, preds, graph_fold) + logging.info(classification_report(labels, preds)) return dict({"accuracy": accuracy}) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py similarity index 91% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py index 20d3036118f1..5b0e42342bde 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py @@ -7,8 +7,7 @@ from sklearn.metrics import classification_report import nemo -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import list2str, tensor2list -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import plot_confusion_matrix +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str, plot_confusion_matrix, tensor2list def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): @@ -70,6 +69,6 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, label_ids, graph_fold=None, none_labe # calculate and plot confusion_matrix if graph_fold: - plot_confusion_matrix(label_ids, labels, preds, graph_fold, normalize=normalize_cm) + plot_confusion_matrix(labels, preds, graph_fold, label_ids, normalize=normalize_cm) return dict({'Accuracy': accuracy}) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py index 684d0dc79418..3124dd252b91 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py @@ -1,2 +1,3 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.scripts import * from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py index 96a5f3f944db..caa76e35b844 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py @@ -1,21 +1,21 @@ -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.bert_pretraining import ( - BertPretrainingDataset, - BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataset, -) -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.glue import GLUEDataset -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot import ( +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.glue_benchmark_dataset import GLUEDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot_dataset import ( BertJointIntentSlotDataset, BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset, ) -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.language_modeling import LanguageModelingDataset -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.punctuation_capitalization import ( +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.lm_bert_dataset import ( + BertPretrainingDataset, + BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataset, +) +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.lm_transformer_dataset import LanguageModelingDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.machine_translation_dataset import TranslationDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.punctuation_capitalization_dataset import ( BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataset, BertPunctuationCapitalizationInferDataset, ) -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.sentence_classification import BertSentenceClassificationDataset -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.squad import SquadDataset -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.token_classification import ( +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.qa_squad_dataset import SquadDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.text_classification_dataset import BertTextClassificationDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.token_classification_dataset import ( BertTokenClassificationDataset, BertTokenClassificationInferDataset, ) -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.translation import TranslationDataset diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..2ecf09af64f1 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py @@ -0,0 +1,936 @@ +import csv +import glob +import json +import os +import random +import re +import shutil +import string +import subprocess +from collections import Counter + +import numpy as np +from tqdm import tqdm + +from nemo import logging +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import ( + get_vocab, + ids2text, + if_exist, + write_vocab, + write_vocab_in_order, +) + +DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP = '{} dataset has already been processed and stored at {}' +MODE_EXISTS_TMP = '{} mode of {} dataset has already been processed and stored at {}' + + +def get_label_stats(labels, outfile='stats.tsv'): + labels = Counter(labels) + total = sum(labels.values()) + out = open(outfile, 'w') + i = 0 + label_frequencies = labels.most_common() + for k, v in label_frequencies: + out.write(f'{k}\t{v / total}\n') + if i < 3: + logging.info(f'{i} item: {k}, {v} out of {total}, {v / total}.') + i += 1 + return total, label_frequencies + + +def process_sst_2(data_dir): + if not os.path.exists(data_dir): + link = 'https://gluebenchmark.com/tasks' + raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' f'Please download SST-2 from {link}.') + logging.info('Keep in mind that SST-2 is only available in lower case.') + return data_dir + + +def process_imdb(data_dir, uncased, modes=['train', 'test']): + if not os.path.exists(data_dir): + link = 'www.kaggle.com/iarunava/imdb-movie-reviews-dataset' + raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' f'Please download IMDB from {link}.') + + outfold = f'{data_dir}/nemo-processed' + + if uncased: + outfold = f'{outfold}_uncased' + + if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): + logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('IMDB', outfold)) + return outfold + logging.info(f'Processing IMDB dataset and store at {outfold}') + + os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + + outfiles = {} + + for mode in modes: + outfiles[mode] = open(os.path.join(outfold, mode + '.tsv'), 'w') + outfiles[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') + for sent in ['neg', 'pos']: + if sent == 'neg': + label = 0 + else: + label = 1 + files = glob.glob(f'{data_dir}/{mode}/{sent}/*.txt') + for file in files: + with open(file, 'r') as f: + review = f.read().strip() + if uncased: + review = review.lower() + review = review.replace("
", "") + outfiles[mode].write(f'{review}\t{label}\n') + for mode in modes: + outfiles[mode].close() + + return outfold + + +def process_thucnews(data_dir): + modes = ['train', 'test'] + train_size = 0.8 + if not os.path.exists(data_dir): + link = 'thuctc.thunlp.org/' + raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' f'Please download THUCNews from {link}.') + + outfold = f'{data_dir}/nemo-processed-thucnews' + + if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): + logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('THUCNews', outfold)) + return outfold + logging.info(f'Processing THUCNews dataset and store at {outfold}') + + os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + + outfiles = {} + + for mode in modes: + outfiles[mode] = open(os.path.join(outfold, mode + '.tsv'), 'a+', encoding='utf-8') + outfiles[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') + categories = ['体育', '娱乐', '家居', '彩票', '房产', '教育', '时尚', '时政', '星座', '游戏', '社会', '科技', '股票', '财经'] + for category in categories: + label = categories.index(category) + category_files = glob.glob(f'{data_dir}/{category}/*.txt') + test_num = int(len(category_files) * (1 - train_size)) + test_files = category_files[:test_num] + train_files = category_files[test_num:] + for mode in modes: + logging.info(f'Processing {mode} data of the category {category}') + if mode == 'test': + files = test_files + else: + files = train_files + for file in tqdm(files): + with open(file, 'r', encoding='utf-8') as f: + news = f.read().strip().replace('\r', '') + news = news.replace('\n', '').replace('\t', ' ') + outfiles[mode].write(f'{news}\t{label}\n') + for mode in modes: + outfiles[mode].close() + + return outfold + + +def process_nlu(filename, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dataset_name='nlu-ubuntu'): + """ Dataset has to be of: + - ubuntu + - chat + - web + """ + + if not os.path.exists(filename): + link = 'https://github.com/sebischair/NLU-Evaluation-Corpora' + raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {filename}. ' 'Please download IMDB from {link}.') + + if dataset_name == 'nlu-ubuntu': + INTENT = {'makeupdate': 1, 'setupprinter': 2, 'shutdowncomputer': 3, 'softwarerecommendation': 4, 'none': 0} + elif dataset_name == 'nlu-chat': + INTENT = {'departuretime': 0, 'findconnection': 1} + elif dataset_name == 'nlu-web': + INTENT = { + 'changepassword': 1, + 'deleteaccount': 2, + 'downloadvideo': 3, + 'exportdata': 4, + 'filterspam': 5, + 'findalternative': 6, + 'syncaccounts': 7, + 'none': 0, + } + else: + raise ValueError(f'{dataset_name}: Invalid dataset name') + + infold = filename[: filename.rfind('/')] + outfold = f'{infold}/{dataset_name}-nemo-processed' + + if uncased: + outfold = f'{outfold}_uncased' + + if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): + logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format(dataset_name.upper(), outfold)) + return outfold + logging.info(f'Processing data and store at {outfold}') + + os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + + outfiles = {} + + for mode in modes: + outfiles[mode] = open(os.path.join(outfold, mode + '.tsv'), 'w') + outfiles[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') + + with open(filename, 'r') as f: + data = json.load(f) + + for obj in data['sentences']: + sentence = obj['text'].strip() + if uncased: + sentence = sentence.lower() + intent = obj['intent'].lower().replace(' ', '') + label = INTENT[intent] + txt = f'{sentence}\t{label}\n' + if obj['training']: + outfiles['train'].write(txt) + else: + outfiles['test'].write(txt) + for mode in modes: + outfiles[mode].close() + return outfold + + +def process_twitter_airline(filename, uncased, modes=['train', 'test']): + """ Dataset from Kaggle: + https://www.kaggle.com/crowdflower/twitter-airline-sentiment + """ + pass + + +def process_atis(infold, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dev_split=0): + """ MSFT's dataset, processed by Kaggle + https://www.kaggle.com/siddhadev/atis-dataset-from-ms-cntk + """ + outfold = f'{infold}/nemo-processed' + vocab = get_vocab(f'{infold}/atis.dict.vocab.csv') + + if uncased: + outfold = f'{outfold}-uncased' + + if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): + logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('ATIS', outfold)) + return outfold + logging.info(f'Processing ATIS dataset and store at {outfold}') + + os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + + outfiles = {} + + for mode in modes: + outfiles[mode] = open(os.path.join(outfold, mode + '.tsv'), 'w') + outfiles[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') + outfiles[mode + '_slots'] = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}_slots.tsv', 'w') + + queries = open(f'{infold}/atis.{mode}.query.csv', 'r').readlines() + intents = open(f'{infold}/atis.{mode}.intent.csv', 'r').readlines() + slots = open(f'{infold}/atis.{mode}.slots.csv', 'r').readlines() + + for i, query in enumerate(queries): + sentence = ids2text(query.strip().split()[1:-1], vocab) + outfiles[mode].write(f'{sentence}\t{intents[i].strip()}\n') + slot = ' '.join(slots[i].strip().split()[1:-1]) + outfiles[mode + '_slots'].write(slot + '\n') + + shutil.copyfile(f'{infold}/atis.dict.intent.csv', f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv') + shutil.copyfile(f'{infold}/atis.dict.slots.csv', f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') + for mode in modes: + outfiles[mode].close() + + return outfold + + +def process_jarvis_datasets(infold, uncased, dataset_name, modes=['train', 'test', 'eval'], ignore_prev_intent=False): + """ process and convert Jarvis datasets into NeMo's BIO format + """ + outfold = f'{infold}/{dataset_name}-nemo-processed' + infold = f'{infold}/' + + if uncased: + outfold = f'{outfold}-uncased' + + if if_exist(outfold, ['dict.intents.csv', 'dict.slots.csv']): + logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format(dataset_name, outfold)) + return outfold + + logging.info(f'Processing {dataset_name} dataset and store at {outfold}') + + os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + + outfiles = {} + intents_list = {} + slots_list = {} + slots_list_all = {} + + outfiles['dict_intents'] = open(f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv', 'w') + outfiles['dict_slots'] = open(f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv', 'w') + + outfiles['dict_slots'].write('O\n') + slots_list["O"] = 0 + slots_list_all["O"] = 0 + + for mode in modes: + if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv']): + logging.info(MODE_EXISTS_TMP.format(mode, dataset_name, outfold, mode)) + continue + + if not if_exist(infold, [f'{mode}.tsv']): + logging.info(f'{mode} mode of {dataset_name}' f' is skipped as it was not found.') + continue + + outfiles[mode] = open(os.path.join(outfold, mode + '.tsv'), 'w') + outfiles[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') + outfiles[mode + '_slots'] = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}_slots.tsv', 'w') + + queries = open(f'{infold}/{mode}.tsv', 'r').readlines() + + for i, query in enumerate(queries): + line_splits = query.strip().split("\t") + if len(line_splits) == 3: + intent_str, slot_tags_str, sentence = line_splits + else: + intent_str, sentence = line_splits + slot_tags_str = "" + + if intent_str not in intents_list: + intents_list[intent_str] = len(intents_list) + outfiles['dict_intents'].write(f'{intent_str}\n') + + if ignore_prev_intent: + start_token = 2 + else: + start_token = 1 + sentence_cld = " ".join(sentence.strip().split()[start_token:-1]) + outfiles[mode].write(f'{sentence_cld}\t' f'{str(intents_list[intent_str])}\n') + + slot_tags_list = [] + if slot_tags_str.strip(): + slot_tags = slot_tags_str.strip().split(",") + for st in slot_tags: + if not st.strip(): + continue + [start_i, end_i, slot_name] = st.strip().split(":") + slot_tags_list.append([int(start_i), int(end_i), slot_name]) + if slot_name not in slots_list: + slots_list[slot_name] = len(slots_list) + slots_list_all[f'B-{slot_name}'] = len(slots_list_all) + slots_list_all[f'I-{slot_name}'] = len(slots_list_all) + outfiles['dict_slots'].write(f'B-{slot_name}\n') + outfiles['dict_slots'].write(f'I-{slot_name}\n') + + slot_tags_list.sort(key=lambda x: x[0]) + slots = [] + processed_index = 0 + for tag_start, tag_end, tag_str in slot_tags_list: + if tag_start > processed_index: + words_list = sentence[processed_index:tag_start].strip().split() + slots.extend([str(slots_list_all['O'])] * len(words_list)) + words_list = sentence[tag_start:tag_end].strip().split() + slots.append(str(slots_list_all[f'B-{tag_str}'])) + slots.extend([str(slots_list_all[f'I-{tag_str}'])] * (len(words_list) - 1)) + processed_index = tag_end + + if processed_index < len(sentence): + words_list = sentence[processed_index:].strip().split() + slots.extend([str(slots_list_all['O'])] * len(words_list)) + + slots = slots[1:-1] + slot = ' '.join(slots) + outfiles[mode + '_slots'].write(slot + '\n') + + outfiles[mode + '_slots'].close() + outfiles[mode].close() + + outfiles['dict_slots'].close() + outfiles['dict_intents'].close() + + return outfold + + +def process_mturk(data_dir, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dev_split=0.1): + if not os.path.exists(data_dir): + link = 'www.mturk.com' + raise ValueError( + f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' 'Export your mturk data from' '{link} and unzip at {data_dir}.' + ) + + outfold = f'{data_dir}/nemo-processed' + + if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): + logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('mturk', outfold)) + return outfold + + logging.info(f'Processing dataset from mturk and storing at {outfold}') + + os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + + classification_data_file = f'{data_dir}/classification.csv' + annotation_data_file = f'{data_dir}/annotation.manifest' + + if not os.path.exists(classification_data_file): + raise FileNotFoundError(f'File not found ' f'at {classification_data_file}') + + if not os.path.exists(annotation_data_file): + raise FileNotFoundError(f'File not found at {annotation_data_file}') + + utterances = [] + utterances = read_csv(classification_data_file) + + # This function assumes that the intent classification data has been + # reviewed and cleaned and only one label per utterance is present. + agreed_all, intent_names = get_intents_mturk(utterances, outfold) + + with open(annotation_data_file, 'r') as f: + slot_annotations = f.readlines() + + # This function assumes that the preprocess step would have made + # the task_name of all the annotations generic + task_name = 'retail-combined' + + # It is assumed that every utterances will have corresponding + # slot annotation information + if len(slot_annotations) < len(agreed_all): + raise ValueError(f'Every utterance must have corresponding' f'slot annotation information') + + slot_labels, intent_queries, slot_tags = process_intent_slot_mturk( + slot_annotations, agreed_all, intent_names, task_name + ) + + assert len(slot_tags) == len(intent_queries) + + dev_split = 0.1 + + train_queries, train_slots, test_queries, test_slots = partition_data(intent_queries, slot_tags, split=dev_split) + + write_files(train_queries, f'{outfold}/train.tsv') + write_files(train_slots, f'{outfold}/train_slots.tsv') + + write_files(test_queries, f'{outfold}/test.tsv') + write_files(test_slots, f'{outfold}/test_slots.tsv') + + write_files(slot_labels, f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') + write_files(intent_names, f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv') + + return outfold + + +def process_intent_slot_mturk(slot_annotations, agreed_all, intent_names, task_name): + slot_tags = [] + inorder_utterances = [] + all_labels = get_slot_labels(slot_annotations, task_name) + logging.info(f'agreed_all - {len(agreed_all)}') + logging.info(f'Slot annotations - {len(slot_annotations)}') + + for annotation in slot_annotations[0:]: + an = json.loads(annotation) + utterance = an['source'] + if len(utterance) > 2 and utterance.startswith('"') and utterance.endswith('"'): + utterance = utterance[1:-1] + + if utterance in agreed_all: + entities = {} + annotated_entities = an[task_name]['annotations']['entities'] + for i, each_anno in enumerate(annotated_entities): + entities[int(each_anno['startOffset'])] = i + + lastptr = 0 + slotlist = [] + # sorting annotations by the start offset + for i in sorted(entities.keys()): + annotated_entities = an[task_name]['annotations']['entities'] + tags = annotated_entities[entities.get(i)] + untagged_words = utterance[lastptr : tags['startOffset']] + for _ in untagged_words.split(): + slotlist.append(all_labels.get('O')) + anno_words = utterance[tags['startOffset'] : tags['endOffset']] + # tagging with the IOB format. + for j, _ in enumerate(anno_words.split()): + if j == 0: + b_slot = 'B-' + tags['label'] + slotlist.append(all_labels.get(b_slot)) + else: + i_slot = 'I-' + tags['label'] + slotlist.append(all_labels.get(i_slot)) + lastptr = tags['endOffset'] + + untagged_words = utterance[lastptr : len(utterance)] + for _ in untagged_words.split(): + slotlist.append(all_labels.get('O')) + + slotstr = ' '.join(slotlist) + slotstr = f'{slotstr.strip()}\n' + + slot_tags.append(slotstr) + intent_num = intent_names.get(agreed_all.get(utterance)) + query_text = f'{utterance.strip()}\t{intent_num}\n' + inorder_utterances.append(query_text) + # else: + # logging.warning(utterance) + + logging.info(f'inorder utterances - {len(inorder_utterances)}') + + return all_labels, inorder_utterances, slot_tags + + +def get_intents_mturk(utterances, outfold): + intent_names = {} + intent_count = 0 + + agreed_all = {} + + logging.info('Printing all intent_labels') + intent_dict = f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv' + if os.path.exists(intent_dict): + with open(intent_dict, 'r') as f: + for intent_name in f.readlines(): + intent_names[intent_name.strip()] = intent_count + intent_count += 1 + logging.info(intent_names) + + for i, utterance in enumerate(utterances[1:]): + + if utterance[1] not in agreed_all: + agreed_all[utterance[0]] = utterance[1] + + if utterance[1] not in intent_names: + intent_names[utterance[1]] = intent_count + intent_count += 1 + + logging.info(f'Total number of utterance samples: {len(agreed_all)}') + + return agreed_all, intent_names + + +def get_slot_labels(slot_annotations, task_name): + slot_labels = json.loads(slot_annotations[0]) + + all_labels = {} + count = 0 + # Generating labels with the IOB format. + for label in slot_labels[task_name]['annotations']['labels']: + b_slot = 'B-' + label['label'] + i_slot = 'I-' + label['label'] + all_labels[b_slot] = str(count) + count += 1 + all_labels[i_slot] = str(count) + count += 1 + all_labels['O'] = str(count) + + return all_labels + + +def merge(data_dir, subdirs, dataset_name, modes=['train', 'test']): + outfold = f'{data_dir}/{dataset_name}' + if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): + logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('SNIPS-ATIS', outfold)) + slots = get_vocab(f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') + none_slot = 0 + for key in slots: + if slots[key] == 'O': + none_slot = key + break + return outfold, int(none_slot) + + os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + + data_files, slot_files = {}, {} + for mode in modes: + data_files[mode] = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}.tsv', 'w') + data_files[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') + slot_files[mode] = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}_slots.tsv', 'w') + + intents, slots = {}, {} + intent_shift, slot_shift = 0, 0 + none_intent, none_slot = -1, -1 + + for subdir in subdirs: + curr_intents = get_vocab(f'{data_dir}/{subdir}/dict.intents.csv') + curr_slots = get_vocab(f'{data_dir}/{subdir}/dict.slots.csv') + + for key in curr_intents: + if intent_shift > 0 and curr_intents[key] == 'O': + continue + if curr_intents[key] == 'O' and intent_shift == 0: + none_intent = int(key) + intents[int(key) + intent_shift] = curr_intents[key] + + for key in curr_slots: + if slot_shift > 0 and curr_slots[key] == 'O': + continue + if slot_shift == 0 and curr_slots[key] == 'O': + none_slot = int(key) + slots[int(key) + slot_shift] = curr_slots[key] + + for mode in modes: + with open(f'{data_dir}/{subdir}/{mode}.tsv', 'r') as f: + for line in f.readlines()[1:]: + text, label = line.strip().split('\t') + label = int(label) + if curr_intents[label] == 'O': + label = none_intent + else: + label = label + intent_shift + data_files[mode].write(f'{text}\t{label}\n') + + with open(f'{data_dir}/{subdir}/{mode}_slots.tsv', 'r') as f: + for line in f.readlines(): + labels = [int(label) for label in line.strip().split()] + shifted_labels = [] + for label in labels: + if curr_slots[label] == 'O': + shifted_labels.append(none_slot) + else: + shifted_labels.append(label + slot_shift) + slot_files[mode].write(list2str(shifted_labels) + '\n') + + intent_shift += len(curr_intents) + slot_shift += len(curr_slots) + + write_vocab_in_order(intents, f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv') + write_vocab_in_order(slots, f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') + return outfold, none_slot + + +def get_intent_query_files_dialogflow(path): + fileslist = [] + for root, _, files in os.walk(path): + for file in files: + if '_usersays_en.json' in file: + fileslist.append(os.path.join(root, file)) + return fileslist + + +def get_intents_slots_dialogflow(files, slot_labels): + intent_names = [] + intent_queries = [] + slot_tags = [] + + for index, file in enumerate(files): + intent_names.append(os.path.basename(file).split('_usersays')[0]) + + with open(file) as json_file: + intent_data = json.load(json_file) + for query in intent_data: + query_text = "" + slots = "" + for segment in query['data']: + query_text = ''.join([query_text, segment['text']]) + if 'alias' in segment: + for _ in segment['text'].split(): + slots = ' '.join([slots, slot_labels.get(segment['alias'])]) + else: + for _ in segment['text'].split(): + slots = ' '.join([slots, slot_labels.get('O')]) + query_text = f'{query_text.strip()}\t{index}\n' + intent_queries.append(query_text) + slots = f'{slots.strip()}\n' + slot_tags.append(slots) + return intent_queries, intent_names, slot_tags + + +def get_slots_dialogflow(files): + slot_labels = {} + count = 0 + for file in files: + intent_head_file = ''.join([file.split('_usersays')[0], '.json']) + with open(intent_head_file) as json_file: + intent_meta_data = json.load(json_file) + for params in intent_meta_data['responses'][0]['parameters']: + if params['name'] not in slot_labels: + slot_labels[params['name']] = str(count) + count += 1 + slot_labels['O'] = str(count) + return slot_labels + + +def partition_data(intent_queries, slot_tags, split=0.1): + n = len(intent_queries) + n_dev = int(n * split) + dev_idx = set(random.sample(range(n), n_dev)) + dev_intents, dev_slots, train_intents, train_slots = [], [], [], [] + + dev_intents.append('sentence\tlabel\n') + train_intents.append('sentence\tlabel\n') + + for i, item in enumerate(intent_queries): + if i in dev_idx: + dev_intents.append(item) + dev_slots.append(slot_tags[i]) + else: + train_intents.append(item) + train_slots.append(slot_tags[i]) + return train_intents, train_slots, dev_intents, dev_slots + + +def write_files(data, outfile): + with open(outfile, 'w') as f: + for item in data: + item = f'{item.strip()}\n' + f.write(item) + + +def process_dialogflow(data_dir, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dev_split=0.1): + if not os.path.exists(data_dir): + link = 'www.dialogflow.com' + raise ValueError( + f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' 'Export your dialogflow data from' '{link} and unzip at {data_dir}.' + ) + + outfold = f'{data_dir}/dialogflow/nemo-processed' + + '''TO DO - check for nemo-processed directory + already exists. If exists, skip the entire creation steps below. ''' + + os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + + files = get_intent_query_files_dialogflow(data_dir) + + slot_labels = get_slots_dialogflow(files) + + intent_queries, intent_names, slot_tags = get_intents_slots_dialogflow(files, slot_labels) + + train_queries, train_slots, test_queries, test_slots = partition_data(intent_queries, slot_tags, split=dev_split) + + write_files(train_queries, f'{outfold}/train.tsv') + write_files(train_slots, f'{outfold}/train_slots.tsv') + + write_files(test_queries, f'{outfold}/test.tsv') + write_files(test_slots, f'{outfold}/test_slots.tsv') + + write_files(slot_labels, f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') + write_files(intent_names, f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv') + + return outfold + + +def write_data(data, slot_dict, intent_dict, outfold, mode, uncased): + intent_file = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}.tsv', 'w') + intent_file.write('sentence\tlabel\n') + slot_file = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}_slots.tsv', 'w') + for tokens, slots, intent in data: + text = ' '.join(tokens) + if uncased: + text = text.lower() + intent_file.write(f'{text}\t{intent_dict[intent]}\n') + slots = [str(slot_dict[slot]) for slot in slots] + slot_file.write(' '.join(slots) + '\n') + intent_file.close() + slot_file.close() + + +def create_dataset(train, dev, slots, intents, uncased, outfold): + os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + if 'O' in slots: + slots.remove('O') + slots = sorted(list(slots)) + ['O'] + intents = sorted(list(intents)) + slots = write_vocab(slots, f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') + intents = write_vocab(intents, f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv') + write_data(train, slots, intents, outfold, 'train', uncased) + write_data(dev, slots, intents, outfold, 'test', uncased) + + +def read_csv(file_path): + rows = [] + with open(file_path, 'r') as csvfile: + read_csv = csv.reader(csvfile, delimiter=',') + for row in read_csv: + rows.append(row) + return rows + + +def process_snips(data_dir, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dev_split=0.1): + if not os.path.exists(data_dir): + link = 'www.github.com/snipsco/spoken-language' + '-understanding-research-datasets' + raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' 'Resquest to download the SNIPS dataset from {link}.') + + outfold = f'{data_dir}/nemo-processed' + + if uncased: + outfold = f'{outfold}-uncased' + + exist = True + for dataset in ['light', 'speak', 'all']: + if if_exist(f'{outfold}/{dataset}', [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): + logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('SNIPS-' + dataset.upper(), outfold)) + else: + exist = False + if exist: + return outfold + + logging.info(f'Processing SNIPS dataset and store at {outfold}') + + os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) + + speak_dir = 'smart-speaker-en-close-field' + light_dir = 'smart-lights-en-close-field' + + light_files = [f'{data_dir}/{light_dir}/dataset.json'] + speak_files = [f'{data_dir}/{speak_dir}/training_dataset.json'] + speak_files.append(f'{data_dir}/{speak_dir}/test_dataset.json') + + light_train, light_dev, light_slots, light_intents = get_dataset(light_files, dev_split) + speak_train, speak_dev, speak_slots, speak_intents = get_dataset(speak_files) + + create_dataset(light_train, light_dev, light_slots, light_intents, uncased, f'{outfold}/light') + create_dataset(speak_train, speak_dev, speak_slots, speak_intents, uncased, f'{outfold}/speak') + create_dataset( + light_train + speak_train, + light_dev + speak_dev, + light_slots | speak_slots, + light_intents | speak_intents, + uncased, + f'{outfold}/all', + ) + + return outfold + + +def get_dataset(files, dev_split=0.1): + entity2value, value2entity = get_entities(files) + data, slots, intents = get_data(files, entity2value, value2entity) + if len(data) == 1: + train, dev = partition(data[0], split=dev_split) + else: + train, dev = data[0], data[1] + return train, dev, slots, intents + + +def partition(data, split=0.1): + n = len(data) + n_dev = int(n * split) + dev_idx = set(random.sample(range(n), n_dev)) + dev, train = [], [] + + for i, item in enumerate(data): + if i in dev_idx: + dev.append(item) + else: + train.append(item) + return train, dev + + +def map_entities(entity2value, entities): + for key in entities: + if 'data' in entities[key]: + if key not in entity2value: + entity2value[key] = set([]) + + values = [] + for value in entities[key]['data']: + values.append(value['value']) + values.extend(value['synonyms']) + entity2value[key] = entity2value[key] | set(values) + + return entity2value + + +def get_entities(files): + entity2value = {} + for file in files: + with open(file, 'r') as json_file: + data = json.load(json_file) + entity2value = map_entities(entity2value, data['entities']) + + value2entity = reverse_dict(entity2value) + return entity2value, value2entity + + +def get_data(files, entity2value, value2entity): + all_data, all_slots, all_intents = [], set(['O']), set() + for file in files: + file_data = [] + with open(file, 'r') as json_file: + data = json.load(json_file) + for intent in data['intents']: + all_intents.add(intent) + utterances = data['intents'][intent]['utterances'] + for utterance in utterances: + tokens, slots = [], [] + for frag in utterance['data']: + frag_tokens = frag['text'].strip().split() + tokens.extend(frag_tokens) + if 'slot_name' not in frag: + slot = 'O' + else: + slot = frag['slot_name'] + all_slots.add(slot) + slots.extend([slot] * len(frag_tokens)) + file_data.append((tokens, slots, intent)) + all_data.append(file_data) + return all_data, all_slots, all_intents + + +def reverse_dict(entity2value): + value2entity = {} + for entity in entity2value: + for value in entity2value[entity]: + value2entity[value] = entity + return value2entity + + +def get_intent_labels(intent_file): + labels = {} + label = 0 + with open(intent_file, 'r') as f: + for line in f: + intent = line.strip() + labels[intent] = label + label += 1 + return labels + + +def download_wkt2(data_dir): + os.makedirs('data/lm', exist_ok=True) + logging.warning(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' f'Downloading wikitext-2 to data/lm') + data_dir = 'data/lm/wikitext-2' + subprocess.call('scripts/get_wkt2.sh') + return data_dir + + +def normalize_answer(s): + """Lower text and remove punctuation, articles and extra whitespace.""" + + def remove_articles(text): + return re.sub(r'\b(a|an|the)\b', ' ', text) + + def white_space_fix(text): + return ' '.join(text.split()) + + def remove_punc(text): + exclude = set(string.punctuation) + return ''.join(ch for ch in text if ch not in exclude) + + def lower(text): + return text.lower() + + return white_space_fix(remove_articles(remove_punc(lower(s)))) + + +def get_tokens(s): + if not s: + return [] + return normalize_answer(s).split() + + +def get_stats(lengths): + lengths = np.asarray(lengths) + logging.info( + f'Min: {np.min(lengths)} | \ + Max: {np.max(lengths)} | \ + Mean: {np.mean(lengths)} | \ + Median: {np.median(lengths)}' + ) + logging.info(f'75 percentile: {np.percentile(lengths, 75)}') + logging.info(f'99 percentile: {np.percentile(lengths, 99)}') diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/glue.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/glue.py deleted file mode 100644 index 8893c5747c45..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/glue.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,229 +0,0 @@ -""" -Copyright 2018 The Google AI Language Team Authors and -The HuggingFace Inc. team. -Copyright (c) 2019, NVIDIA CORPORATION. All rights reserved. - -Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); -you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. -You may obtain a copy of the License at - - http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 - -Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software -distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, -WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. -See the License for the specific language governing permissions and -limitations under the License. - -Utility functions for GLUE tasks -Some transformer of this code were adapted from the HuggingFace library at -https://github.com/huggingface/transformers -""" - -import numpy as np -from torch.utils.data import Dataset - -import nemo - - -class GLUEDataset(Dataset): - def __init__( - self, data_dir, tokenizer, max_seq_length, processor, output_mode, evaluate, token_params, - ): - self.tokenizer = tokenizer - self.label_list = processor.get_labels() - self.examples = processor.get_dev_examples(data_dir) if evaluate else processor.get_train_examples(data_dir) - self.features = convert_examples_to_features( - self.examples, self.label_list, max_seq_length, tokenizer, output_mode, **token_params - ) - - def __len__(self): - return len(self.features) - - def __getitem__(self, idx): - feature = self.features[idx] - return ( - np.array(feature.input_ids), - np.array(feature.segment_ids), - np.array(feature.input_mask, dtype=np.long), - np.array(feature.label_id), - ) - - -def convert_examples_to_features( - examples, - label_list, - max_seq_length, - tokenizer, - output_mode, - bos_token=None, - eos_token='[SEP]', - pad_token='[PAD]', - cls_token='[CLS]', - sep_token_extra=None, - cls_token_at_end=False, - cls_token_segment_id=0, - pad_token_segment_id=0, - pad_on_left=False, - mask_padding_with_zero=True, - sequence_a_segment_id=0, - sequence_b_segment_id=1, -): - """ Loads a data file into a list of `InputBatch`s - `cls_token_at_end` define the location of the CLS token: - - False (Default, BERT/XLM pattern): [CLS] + A + [SEP] + B + [SEP] - - True (XLNet/GPT pattern): A + [SEP] + B + [SEP] + [CLS] - `cls_token_segment_id` define the segment id associated to the CLS - token (0 for BERT, 2 for XLNet) - The convention in BERT is: - (a) For sequence pairs: - tokens: [CLS] is this jack ##ville ? [SEP] no it is not . [SEP] - type_ids: 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 1 1 1 1 - (b) For single sequences: - tokens: [CLS] the dog is hairy . [SEP] - type_ids: 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 - Where "type_ids" are used to indicate whether this is the first - sequence or the second sequence. The embedding vectors for `type=0` - and `type=1` were learned during pre-training and are added to the - wordpiece embedding vector (and position vector). This is - not *strictly* necessarysince the [SEP] token unambiguously separates - the sequences, but it makes it easier for the model to learn - the concept of sequences. - For classification tasks, the first vector (corresponding to [CLS]) - is used as as the "sentence vector". Note that this only makes sense - because the entire model is fine-tuned. - For NMT: - (a) For sequence pairs: - tokens: is this jack ##ville ? no it is not . - type_ids:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 - (b) For single sequences: - tokens: the dog is hairy . - type_ids: 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 - """ - label_map = {label: i for i, label in enumerate(label_list)} - - features = [] - for ex_index, example in enumerate(examples): - if ex_index % 10000 == 0: - nemo.logging.info("Writing example %d of %d" % (ex_index, len(examples))) - - tokens_a = tokenizer.text_to_tokens(example.text_a) - - tokens_b = None - if example.text_b: - tokens_b = tokenizer.text_to_tokens(example.text_b) - - special_tokens_count = 2 if eos_token else 0 - special_tokens_count += 1 if sep_token_extra else 0 - special_tokens_count += 2 if bos_token else 0 - special_tokens_count += 1 if cls_token else 0 - _truncate_seq_pair(tokens_a, tokens_b, max_seq_length - special_tokens_count) - else: - special_tokens_count = 1 if eos_token else 0 - special_tokens_count += 1 if sep_token_extra else 0 - special_tokens_count += 1 if bos_token else 0 - if len(tokens_a) > max_seq_length - special_tokens_count: - tokens_a = tokens_a[: max_seq_length - special_tokens_count] - # Add special tokens to sequence_a - tokens = tokens_a - if bos_token: - tokens = [bos_token] + tokens - if eos_token: - tokens += [eos_token] - segment_ids = [sequence_a_segment_id] * len(tokens) - - # Add sequence separator between sequences - if tokens_b and sep_token_extra: - tokens += [sep_token_extra] - segment_ids += [sequence_a_segment_id] - - # Add special tokens to sequence_b - if tokens_b: - if bos_token: - tokens += [bos_token] - segment_ids += [sequence_b_segment_id] - tokens += tokens_b - segment_ids += [sequence_b_segment_id] * (len(tokens_b)) - if eos_token: - tokens += [eos_token] - segment_ids += [sequence_b_segment_id] - - # Add classification token - for BERT models - if cls_token: - if cls_token_at_end: - tokens += [cls_token] - segment_ids += [cls_token_segment_id] - else: - tokens = [cls_token] + tokens - segment_ids = [cls_token_segment_id] + segment_ids - input_ids = tokenizer.tokens_to_ids(tokens) - - # The mask has 1 for real tokens and 0 for padding tokens. Only real - # tokens are attended to. - input_mask = [1 if mask_padding_with_zero else 0] * len(input_ids) - - # Zero-pad up to the sequence length. - padding_length = max_seq_length - len(input_ids) - pad_token_id = tokenizer.tokens_to_ids([pad_token])[0] - if pad_on_left: - input_ids = ([pad_token_id] * padding_length) + input_ids - input_mask = ([0 if mask_padding_with_zero else 1] * padding_length) + input_mask - segment_ids = ([pad_token_segment_id] * padding_length) + segment_ids - else: - input_ids = input_ids + ([pad_token_id] * padding_length) - input_mask = input_mask + ([0 if mask_padding_with_zero else 1] * padding_length) - segment_ids = segment_ids + ([pad_token_segment_id] * padding_length) - if len(input_ids) != max_seq_length: - raise ValueError("input_ids must be of length max_seq_length") - if len(input_mask) != max_seq_length: - raise ValueError("input_mask must be of length max_seq_length") - if len(segment_ids) != max_seq_length: - raise ValueError("segment_ids must be of length max_seq_length") - if output_mode == "classification": - label_id = label_map[example.label] - elif output_mode == "regression": - label_id = np.float32(example.label) - else: - raise KeyError(output_mode) - - if ex_index < 5: - nemo.logging.info("*** Example ***") - nemo.logging.info("guid: %s" % (example.guid)) - nemo.logging.info("tokens: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, tokens)))) - nemo.logging.info("input_ids: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, input_ids)))) - nemo.logging.info("input_mask: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, input_mask)))) - nemo.logging.info("segment_ids: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, segment_ids)))) - nemo.logging.info("label: %s (id = %d)" % (example.label, label_id)) - - features.append( - InputFeatures(input_ids=input_ids, input_mask=input_mask, segment_ids=segment_ids, label_id=label_id,) - ) - return features - - -def _truncate_seq_pair(tokens_a, tokens_b, max_length): - """Truncates a sequence pair in place to the maximum length. - - This will always truncate the longer sequence one token at a time. - This makes more sense than truncating an equal percent - of tokens from each, since if one sequence is very short then each token - that's truncated likely contains more information than a longer sequence. - """ - while True: - total_length = len(tokens_a) + len(tokens_b) - if total_length <= max_length: - break - if len(tokens_a) > len(tokens_b): - tokens_a.pop() - else: - tokens_b.pop() - - -class InputFeatures(object): - """A single set of features of data.""" - - def __init__(self, input_ids, input_mask, segment_ids, label_id): - self.input_ids = input_ids - self.input_mask = input_mask - self.segment_ids = segment_ids - self.label_id = label_id diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/glue_benchmark_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/glue_benchmark_dataset.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..26423c3aa549 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/glue_benchmark_dataset.py @@ -0,0 +1,593 @@ +""" +Copyright 2018 The Google AI Language Team Authors and +The HuggingFace Inc. team. +Copyright (c) 2019, NVIDIA CORPORATION. All rights reserved. + +Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +You may obtain a copy of the License at + + http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 + +Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +limitations under the License. + +Utility functions for GLUE tasks +Some transformer of this code were adapted from the HuggingFace library at +https://github.com/huggingface/transformers +""" +import csv +import os + +import numpy as np +from torch.utils.data import Dataset + +from nemo import logging + +__all__ = ['GLUEDataset'] + + +class GLUEDataset(Dataset): + def __init__(self, data_dir, tokenizer, max_seq_length, processor, output_mode, evaluate, token_params): + self.tokenizer = tokenizer + self.label_list = processor.get_labels() + self.examples = processor.get_dev_examples(data_dir) if evaluate else processor.get_train_examples(data_dir) + self.features = convert_examples_to_features( + self.examples, self.label_list, max_seq_length, tokenizer, output_mode, **token_params + ) + + def __len__(self): + return len(self.features) + + def __getitem__(self, idx): + feature = self.features[idx] + return ( + np.array(feature.input_ids), + np.array(feature.segment_ids), + np.array(feature.input_mask, dtype=np.long), + np.array(feature.label_id), + ) + + +def convert_examples_to_features( + examples, + label_list, + max_seq_length, + tokenizer, + output_mode, + bos_token=None, + eos_token='[SEP]', + pad_token='[PAD]', + cls_token='[CLS]', + sep_token_extra=None, + cls_token_at_end=False, + cls_token_segment_id=0, + pad_token_segment_id=0, + pad_on_left=False, + mask_padding_with_zero=True, + sequence_a_segment_id=0, + sequence_b_segment_id=1, +): + """ Loads a data file into a list of `InputBatch`s + `cls_token_at_end` define the location of the CLS token: + - False (Default, BERT/XLM pattern): [CLS] + A + [SEP] + B + [SEP] + - True (XLNet/GPT pattern): A + [SEP] + B + [SEP] + [CLS] + `cls_token_segment_id` define the segment id associated to the CLS + token (0 for BERT, 2 for XLNet) + The convention in BERT is: + (a) For sequence pairs: + tokens: [CLS] is this jack ##ville ? [SEP] no it is not . [SEP] + type_ids: 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 1 1 1 1 + (b) For single sequences: + tokens: [CLS] the dog is hairy . [SEP] + type_ids: 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 + Where "type_ids" are used to indicate whether this is the first + sequence or the second sequence. The embedding vectors for `type=0` + and `type=1` were learned during pre-training and are added to the + wordpiece embedding vector (and position vector). This is + not *strictly* necessarysince the [SEP] token unambiguously separates + the sequences, but it makes it easier for the model to learn + the concept of sequences. + For classification tasks, the first vector (corresponding to [CLS]) + is used as as the "sentence vector". Note that this only makes sense + because the entire model is fine-tuned. + For NMT: + (a) For sequence pairs: + tokens: is this jack ##ville ? no it is not . + type_ids:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 + (b) For single sequences: + tokens: the dog is hairy . + type_ids: 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 + """ + label_map = {label: i for i, label in enumerate(label_list)} + + features = [] + for ex_index, example in enumerate(examples): + if ex_index % 10000 == 0: + logging.info("Writing example %d of %d" % (ex_index, len(examples))) + + tokens_a = tokenizer.text_to_tokens(example.text_a) + + tokens_b = None + if example.text_b: + tokens_b = tokenizer.text_to_tokens(example.text_b) + + special_tokens_count = 2 if eos_token else 0 + special_tokens_count += 1 if sep_token_extra else 0 + special_tokens_count += 2 if bos_token else 0 + special_tokens_count += 1 if cls_token else 0 + _truncate_seq_pair(tokens_a, tokens_b, max_seq_length - special_tokens_count) + else: + special_tokens_count = 1 if eos_token else 0 + special_tokens_count += 1 if sep_token_extra else 0 + special_tokens_count += 1 if bos_token else 0 + if len(tokens_a) > max_seq_length - special_tokens_count: + tokens_a = tokens_a[: max_seq_length - special_tokens_count] + # Add special tokens to sequence_a + tokens = tokens_a + if bos_token: + tokens = [bos_token] + tokens + if eos_token: + tokens += [eos_token] + segment_ids = [sequence_a_segment_id] * len(tokens) + + # Add sequence separator between sequences + if tokens_b and sep_token_extra: + tokens += [sep_token_extra] + segment_ids += [sequence_a_segment_id] + + # Add special tokens to sequence_b + if tokens_b: + if bos_token: + tokens += [bos_token] + segment_ids += [sequence_b_segment_id] + tokens += tokens_b + segment_ids += [sequence_b_segment_id] * (len(tokens_b)) + if eos_token: + tokens += [eos_token] + segment_ids += [sequence_b_segment_id] + + # Add classification token - for BERT models + if cls_token: + if cls_token_at_end: + tokens += [cls_token] + segment_ids += [cls_token_segment_id] + else: + tokens = [cls_token] + tokens + segment_ids = [cls_token_segment_id] + segment_ids + input_ids = tokenizer.tokens_to_ids(tokens) + + # The mask has 1 for real tokens and 0 for padding tokens. Only real + # tokens are attended to. + input_mask = [1 if mask_padding_with_zero else 0] * len(input_ids) + + # Zero-pad up to the sequence length. + padding_length = max_seq_length - len(input_ids) + pad_token_id = tokenizer.tokens_to_ids([pad_token])[0] + if pad_on_left: + input_ids = ([pad_token_id] * padding_length) + input_ids + input_mask = ([0 if mask_padding_with_zero else 1] * padding_length) + input_mask + segment_ids = ([pad_token_segment_id] * padding_length) + segment_ids + else: + input_ids = input_ids + ([pad_token_id] * padding_length) + input_mask = input_mask + ([0 if mask_padding_with_zero else 1] * padding_length) + segment_ids = segment_ids + ([pad_token_segment_id] * padding_length) + if len(input_ids) != max_seq_length: + raise ValueError("input_ids must be of length max_seq_length") + if len(input_mask) != max_seq_length: + raise ValueError("input_mask must be of length max_seq_length") + if len(segment_ids) != max_seq_length: + raise ValueError("segment_ids must be of length max_seq_length") + if output_mode == "classification": + label_id = label_map[example.label] + elif output_mode == "regression": + label_id = np.float32(example.label) + else: + raise KeyError(output_mode) + + if ex_index < 5: + logging.info("*** Example ***") + logging.info("guid: %s" % (example.guid)) + logging.info("tokens: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, tokens)))) + logging.info("input_ids: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, input_ids)))) + logging.info("input_mask: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, input_mask)))) + logging.info("segment_ids: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, segment_ids)))) + logging.info("label: %s (id = %d)" % (example.label, label_id)) + + features.append( + InputFeatures(input_ids=input_ids, input_mask=input_mask, segment_ids=segment_ids, label_id=label_id) + ) + return features + + +def _truncate_seq_pair(tokens_a, tokens_b, max_length): + """Truncates a sequence pair in place to the maximum length. + + This will always truncate the longer sequence one token at a time. + This makes more sense than truncating an equal percent + of tokens from each, since if one sequence is very short then each token + that's truncated likely contains more information than a longer sequence. + """ + while True: + total_length = len(tokens_a) + len(tokens_b) + if total_length <= max_length: + break + if len(tokens_a) > len(tokens_b): + tokens_a.pop() + else: + tokens_b.pop() + + +""" +Utility functions for GLUE tasks +This code was adapted from the HuggingFace library at +https://github.com/huggingface/transformers +""" + + +class InputFeatures(object): + """A single set of features of data.""" + + def __init__(self, input_ids, input_mask, segment_ids, label_id): + self.input_ids = input_ids + self.input_mask = input_mask + self.segment_ids = segment_ids + self.label_id = label_id + + +class InputExample(object): + """A single training/test example for simple sequence classification.""" + + def __init__(self, guid, text_a, text_b=None, label=None): + """Constructs a InputExample. + + Args: + guid: Unique id for the example. + text_a: string. The untokenized text of the first sequence. + For single sequence tasks, only this sequence must be specified. + text_b: (Optional) string. The untokenized text of the second + sequence. Only must be specified for sequence pair tasks. + label: (Optional) string. The label of the example. This should be + specified for train and dev examples, but not for test examples. + """ + self.guid = guid + self.text_a = text_a + self.text_b = text_b + self.label = label + + +class DataProcessor(object): + """Base class for data converters for sequence classification data sets.""" + + def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): + """Gets a collection of `InputExample`s for the train set.""" + raise NotImplementedError() + + def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): + """Gets a collection of `InputExample`s for the dev set.""" + raise NotImplementedError() + + def get_labels(self): + """Gets the list of labels for this data set.""" + raise NotImplementedError() + + @classmethod + def _read_tsv(cls, input_file, quotechar=None): + """Reads a tab separated value file.""" + with open(input_file, "r", encoding="utf-8-sig") as f: + reader = csv.reader(f, delimiter="\t", quotechar=quotechar) + lines = [] + for line in reader: + # if sys.version_info[0] == 2: + # line = list(unicode(cell, 'utf-8') for cell in line) + lines.append(line) + return lines + + +class MrpcProcessor(DataProcessor): + """Processor for the MRPC data set (GLUE version).""" + + def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + logging.info(f'LOOKING AT {os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")}') + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") + + def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") + + def get_labels(self): + """See base class.""" + return ["0", "1"] + + def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): + """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" + examples = [] + for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): + if i == 0: + continue + guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, i) + text_a = line[3] + text_b = line[4] + label = line[0] + examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) + return examples + + +class MnliProcessor(DataProcessor): + """Processor for the MultiNLI data set (GLUE version).""" + + def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") + + def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev_matched.tsv")), "dev_matched") + + def get_labels(self): + """See base class.""" + return ["contradiction", "entailment", "neutral"] + + def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): + """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" + examples = [] + for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): + if i == 0: + continue + guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) + text_a = line[8] + text_b = line[9] + label = line[-1] + examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) + return examples + + +class MnliMismatchedProcessor(MnliProcessor): + """Processor for the MultiNLI Mismatched data set (GLUE version).""" + + def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev_mismatched.tsv")), "dev_matched") + + +class ColaProcessor(DataProcessor): + """Processor for the CoLA data set (GLUE version).""" + + def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") + + def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") + + def get_labels(self): + """See base class.""" + return ["0", "1"] + + def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): + """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" + examples = [] + for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): + guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, i) + text_a = line[3] + label = line[1] + examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=None, label=label)) + return examples + + +class Sst2Processor(DataProcessor): + """Processor for the SST-2 data set (GLUE version).""" + + def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") + + def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") + + def get_labels(self): + """See base class.""" + return ["0", "1"] + + def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): + """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" + examples = [] + for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): + if i == 0: + continue + guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, i) + text_a = line[0] + label = line[1] + examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=None, label=label)) + return examples + + +class StsbProcessor(DataProcessor): + """Processor for the STS-B data set (GLUE version).""" + + def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") + + def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") + + def get_labels(self): + """See base class.""" + return [None] + + def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): + """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" + examples = [] + for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): + if i == 0: + continue + guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) + text_a = line[7] + text_b = line[8] + label = line[-1] + examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) + return examples + + +class QqpProcessor(DataProcessor): + """Processor for the QQP data set (GLUE version).""" + + def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") + + def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") + + def get_labels(self): + """See base class.""" + return ["0", "1"] + + def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): + """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" + examples = [] + for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): + if i == 0: + continue + guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) + try: + text_a = line[3] + text_b = line[4] + label = line[5] + except IndexError: + continue + examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) + return examples + + +class QnliProcessor(DataProcessor): + """Processor for the QNLI data set (GLUE version).""" + + def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") + + def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev_matched") + + def get_labels(self): + """See base class.""" + return ["entailment", "not_entailment"] + + def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): + """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" + examples = [] + for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): + if i == 0: + continue + guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) + text_a = line[1] + text_b = line[2] + label = line[-1] + examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) + return examples + + +class RteProcessor(DataProcessor): + """Processor for the RTE data set (GLUE version).""" + + def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") + + def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") + + def get_labels(self): + """See base class.""" + return ["entailment", "not_entailment"] + + def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): + """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" + examples = [] + for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): + if i == 0: + continue + guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) + text_a = line[1] + text_b = line[2] + label = line[-1] + examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) + return examples + + +class WnliProcessor(DataProcessor): + """Processor for the WNLI data set (GLUE version).""" + + def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") + + def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): + """See base class.""" + return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") + + def get_labels(self): + """See base class.""" + return ["0", "1"] + + def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): + """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" + examples = [] + for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): + if i == 0: + continue + guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) + text_a = line[1] + text_b = line[2] + label = line[-1] + examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) + return examples + + +processors = { + "cola": ColaProcessor, + "mnli": MnliProcessor, + "mnli-mm": MnliMismatchedProcessor, + "mrpc": MrpcProcessor, + "sst-2": Sst2Processor, + "sts-b": StsbProcessor, + "qqp": QqpProcessor, + "qnli": QnliProcessor, + "rte": RteProcessor, + "wnli": WnliProcessor, +} +output_modes = { + "cola": "classification", + "mnli": "classification", + "mnli-mm": "classification", + "mrpc": "classification", + "sst-2": "classification", + "sts-b": "regression", + "qqp": "classification", + "qnli": "classification", + "rte": "classification", + "wnli": "classification", +} +GLUE_TASKS_NUM_LABELS = { + "cola": 2, + "mnli": 3, + "mrpc": 2, + "sst-2": 2, + "sts-b": 1, + "qqp": 2, + "qnli": 2, + "rte": 2, + "wnli": 2, +} diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot_dataset.py similarity index 54% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot_dataset.py index fc92902f3408..d15fe857ea68 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot_dataset.py @@ -18,7 +18,6 @@ Some parts of this code were adapted from the HuggingFace library at https://github.com/huggingface/pytorch-pretrained-BERT """ - import itertools import random @@ -26,7 +25,19 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset import nemo -import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils as utils +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import ( + get_label_stats, + get_stats, + merge, + process_atis, + process_dialogflow, + process_jarvis_datasets, + process_mturk, + process_snips, +) +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import calc_class_weights, get_vocab, if_exist, label2idx + +__all__ = ['BertJointIntentSlotDataset', 'BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset', 'JointIntentSlotDataDesc'] def get_features( @@ -85,8 +96,8 @@ def get_features( all_slots.append(slots) max_seq_length = min(max_seq_length, max(sent_lengths)) - nemo.logging.info(f'Max length: {max_seq_length}') - utils.get_stats(sent_lengths) + logging.info(f'Max length: {max_seq_length}') + get_stats(sent_lengths) too_long_count = 0 for i, subtokens in enumerate(all_subtokens): @@ -114,16 +125,9 @@ def get_features( all_segment_ids.append([0] * max_seq_length) - nemo.logging.info(f'{too_long_count} are longer than {max_seq_length}') + logging.info(f'{too_long_count} are longer than {max_seq_length}') - return ( - all_input_ids, - all_segment_ids, - all_input_mask, - all_loss_mask, - all_subtokens_mask, - all_slots, - ) + return (all_input_ids, all_segment_ids, all_input_mask, all_loss_mask, all_subtokens_mask, all_slots) class BertJointIntentSlotDataset(Dataset): @@ -263,3 +267,139 @@ def __getitem__(self, idx): np.array(self.all_loss_mask[idx]), np.array(self.all_subtokens_mask[idx]), ) + + +class JointIntentSlotDataDesc: + """ Convert the raw data to the standard format supported by + JointIntentSlotDataset. + + By default, the None label for slots is 'O'. + + JointIntentSlotDataset requires two files: + + input_file: file to sequence + label. + the first line is header (sentence [tab] label) + each line should be [sentence][tab][label] + + slot_file: file to slot labels, each line corresponding to + slot labels for a sentence in input_file. No header. + + To keep the mapping from label index to label consistent during + training and inferencing, we require the following files: + dicts.intents.csv: each line is an intent. The first line + corresponding to the 0 intent label, the second line + corresponding to the 1 intent label, and so on. + + dicts.slots.csv: each line is a slot. The first line + corresponding to the 0 slot label, the second line + corresponding to the 1 slot label, and so on. + + Args: + data_dir (str): the directory of the dataset + do_lower_case (bool): whether to set your dataset to lowercase + dataset_name (str): the name of the dataset. If it's a dataset + that follows the standard JointIntentSlotDataset format, + you can set the name as 'default'. + none_slot_label (str): the label for slots that aren't indentified + defaulted to 'O' + pad_label (int): the int used for padding. If set to -1, + it'll be set to the whatever the None label is. + + """ + + def __init__(self, data_dir, do_lower_case=False, dataset_name='default', none_slot_label='O', pad_label=-1): + if dataset_name == 'atis': + self.data_dir = process_atis(data_dir, do_lower_case) + elif dataset_name == 'snips-atis': + self.data_dir, self.pad_label = merge( + data_dir, ['ATIS/nemo-processed-uncased', 'snips/nemo-processed-uncased/all'], dataset_name + ) + elif dataset_name == 'dialogflow': + self.data_dir = process_dialogflow(data_dir, do_lower_case) + elif dataset_name == 'mturk-processed': + self.data_dir = process_mturk(data_dir, do_lower_case) + elif dataset_name in set(['snips-light', 'snips-speak', 'snips-all']): + self.data_dir = process_snips(data_dir, do_lower_case) + if dataset_name.endswith('light'): + self.data_dir = f'{self.data_dir}/light' + elif dataset_name.endswith('speak'): + self.data_dir = f'{self.data_dir}/speak' + elif dataset_name.endswith('all'): + self.data_dir = f'{self.data_dir}/all' + elif dataset_name.startswith('jarvis'): + self.data_dir = process_jarvis_datasets( + data_dir, do_lower_case, dataset_name, modes=["train", "test", "eval"], ignore_prev_intent=False + ) + else: + if not if_exist(data_dir, ['dict.intents.csv', 'dict.slots.csv']): + raise FileNotFoundError( + "Make sure that your data follows the standard format " + "supported by JointIntentSlotDataset. Your data must " + "contain dict.intents.csv and dict.slots.csv." + ) + self.data_dir = data_dir + + self.intent_dict_file = self.data_dir + '/dict.intents.csv' + self.slot_dict_file = self.data_dir + '/dict.slots.csv' + self.num_intents = len(get_vocab(self.intent_dict_file)) + slots = label2idx(self.slot_dict_file) + self.num_slots = len(slots) + + for mode in ['train', 'test', 'eval']: + + if not if_exist(self.data_dir, [f'{mode}.tsv']): + logging.info(f' Stats calculation for {mode} mode' f' is skipped as {mode}.tsv was not found.') + continue + + slot_file = f'{self.data_dir}/{mode}_slots.tsv' + with open(slot_file, 'r') as f: + slot_lines = f.readlines() + + input_file = f'{self.data_dir}/{mode}.tsv' + with open(input_file, 'r') as f: + input_lines = f.readlines()[1:] # Skipping headers at index 0 + + if len(slot_lines) != len(input_lines): + raise ValueError( + "Make sure that the number of slot lines match the " + "number of intent lines. There should be a 1-1 " + "correspondence between every slot and intent lines." + ) + + dataset = list(zip(slot_lines, input_lines)) + + raw_slots, queries, raw_intents = [], [], [] + for slot_line, input_line in dataset: + slot_list = [int(slot) for slot in slot_line.strip().split()] + raw_slots.append(slot_list) + parts = input_line.strip().split() + raw_intents.append(int(parts[-1])) + queries.append(' '.join(parts[:-1])) + + infold = input_file[: input_file.rfind('/')] + + logging.info(f'Three most popular intents during {mode}ing') + total_intents, intent_label_freq = get_label_stats(raw_intents, infold + f'/{mode}_intent_stats.tsv') + merged_slots = itertools.chain.from_iterable(raw_slots) + + logging.info(f'Three most popular slots during {mode}ing') + slots_total, slots_label_freq = get_label_stats(merged_slots, infold + f'/{mode}_slot_stats.tsv') + + if mode == 'train': + self.slot_weights = calc_class_weights(slots_label_freq) + logging.info(f'Slot weights are - {self.slot_weights}') + + self.intent_weights = calc_class_weights(intent_label_freq) + logging.info(f'Intent weights are - {self.intent_weights}') + + logging.info(f'Total intents - {total_intents}') + logging.info(f'Intent label frequency - {intent_label_freq}') + logging.info(f'Total Slots - {slots_total}') + logging.info(f'Slots label frequency - {slots_label_freq}') + + if pad_label != -1: + self.pad_label = pad_label + else: + if none_slot_label not in slots: + raise ValueError(f'none_slot_label {none_slot_label} not ' f'found in {self.slot_dict_file}.') + self.pad_label = slots[none_slot_label] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py deleted file mode 100644 index 869246a7f3a7..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/language_modeling.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,40 +0,0 @@ -# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. -# -# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); -# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. -# You may obtain a copy of the License at -# -# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 -# -# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software -# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, -# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. -# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and -# limitations under the License. -# ============================================================================== -"""Pytorch Dataset for training Neural Machine Translation.""" - -import numpy as np -from torch.utils.data import Dataset - -import nemo.collections.nlp.data.utils as utils - - -class LanguageModelingDataset(Dataset): - def __init__(self, tokenizer, dataset, max_seq_length=512, batch_step=None): - self.tokenizer = tokenizer - self.max_seq_length = max_seq_length - self.batch_step = batch_step or self.max_seq_length - ids = utils.dataset_to_ids(dataset, tokenizer, add_bos_eos=False) - self.ids = np.array([j for i in ids for j in i]) - - def __len__(self): - return (len(self.ids) - self.max_seq_length) // self.batch_step - - def __getitem__(self, idx): - left = idx * self.batch_step - right = left + self.max_seq_length - src_ids = self.ids[left:right] - labels = self.ids[left + 1 : right + 1] - src_mask = (src_ids != self.tokenizer.pad_id()).astype(np.float32) - return src_ids, src_mask, labels diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/bert_pretraining.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py similarity index 91% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/bert_pretraining.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py index 25ded90cd6ea..0b83c94d94e5 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/bert_pretraining.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py @@ -26,6 +26,12 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset from tqdm import tqdm +import nemo +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import download_wkt2 +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.lm_transformer_dataset import create_vocab_mlm + +__all__ = ['BertPretrainingDataset', 'BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataset'] + class BertPretrainingDataset(Dataset): def __init__( @@ -187,7 +193,7 @@ def match_target_seq_length(document, target_seq_length, filename, line_idx, sen a_line_offset = self.sentence_indices[a_filename][a_line_idx] a_document = get_document(a_filename, a_line_offset) a_document, a_line_idx = match_target_seq_length( - a_document, target_seq_length_a, a_filename, a_line_idx, self.sentence_indices, + a_document, target_seq_length_a, a_filename, a_line_idx, self.sentence_indices ) is_last_line = a_line_idx >= (len(self.sentence_indices[a_filename]) - 1) @@ -221,7 +227,7 @@ def match_target_seq_length(document, target_seq_length, filename, line_idx, sen b_line_pos = self.sentence_indices[b_filename][b_line_idx] b_document = get_document(b_filename, b_line_pos) b_document, b_line_idx = match_target_seq_length( - b_document, target_seq_length_b, b_filename, b_line_idx, self.sentence_indices, + b_document, target_seq_length_b, b_filename, b_line_idx, self.sentence_indices ) def truncate_seq_pair(a, b, max_num_tokens): @@ -350,7 +356,7 @@ def __len__(self): return len(self.inputs[0]) def __getitem__(self, index): - [input_ids, input_mask, segment_ids, masked_lm_positions, masked_lm_ids, next_sentence_labels,] = [ + [input_ids, input_mask, segment_ids, masked_lm_positions, masked_lm_ids, next_sentence_labels] = [ input[index].astype(np.int64) for input in self.inputs ] @@ -367,11 +373,24 @@ def __getitem__(self, index): input_mask = np.asarray(input_mask, dtype=np.float32) output_mask = np.asarray(output_mask, dtype=np.float32) - return ( - input_ids, - segment_ids, - input_mask, - output_ids, - output_mask, - next_sentence_labels, - ) + return (input_ids, segment_ids, input_mask, output_ids, output_mask, next_sentence_labels) + + +class BERTPretrainingDataDesc: + def __init__(self, dataset_name, data_dir, vocab_size, sample_size, special_tokens, train_file=''): + if dataset_name == 'wikitext-2': + if not os.path.exists(data_dir): + data_dir = download_wkt2(data_dir) + self.data_dir, self.tokenizer_model = create_vocab_mlm( + data_dir, vocab_size, sample_size, special_tokens, train_file + ) + else: + nemo.logging.warning( + "Looks like you passed a dataset name that isn't " + "already supported by NeMo. Please make sure that " + "you build the preprocessing method for it." + ) + + self.train_file = f'{data_dir}/train.txt' + self.eval_file = f'{data_dir}/valid.txt' + self.test_file = f'{data_dir}/test.txt' diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_transformer_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_transformer_dataset.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..cb68fef8f91e --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_transformer_dataset.py @@ -0,0 +1,185 @@ +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================== +"""Pytorch Dataset for training Neural Machine Translation.""" +import glob +import os +import pickle +import re + +import numpy as np +from sentencepiece import SentencePieceTrainer as SPT +from torch.utils.data import Dataset +from tqdm import tqdm + +from nemo import logging +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP, download_wkt2 +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import if_exist + +__all__ = ['LanguageModelingDataset'] + + +class LanguageModelingDataset(Dataset): + def __init__(self, tokenizer, dataset, max_seq_length=512, batch_step=None): + self.tokenizer = tokenizer + self.max_seq_length = max_seq_length + self.batch_step = batch_step or self.max_seq_length + ids = dataset_to_ids(dataset, tokenizer, add_bos_eos=False) + self.ids = np.array([j for i in ids for j in i]) + + def __len__(self): + return (len(self.ids) - self.max_seq_length) // self.batch_step + + def __getitem__(self, idx): + left = idx * self.batch_step + right = left + self.max_seq_length + src_ids = self.ids[left:right] + labels = self.ids[left + 1 : right + 1] + src_mask = (src_ids != self.tokenizer.pad_id()).astype(np.float32) + return src_ids, src_mask, labels + + +class LanguageModelDataDesc: + def __init__(self, dataset_name, data_dir, do_lower_case): + if dataset_name == 'wikitext-2': + if not os.path.exists(data_dir): + data_dir = download_wkt2(data_dir) + self.vocab_size = create_vocab_lm(data_dir, do_lower_case) + self.data_dir = data_dir + else: + logging.warning( + "Looks like you passed a dataset name that isn't " + "already supported by NeMo. Please make sure that " + "you build the preprocessing method for it." + ) + + +def create_vocab_mlm( + data_dir, vocab_size, sample_size, special_tokens=['[PAD]', '[UNK]', '[CLS]', '[SEP]', '[MASK]'], train_file='' +): + vocab = special_tokens[:] + bert_dir = f'{data_dir}/bert' + if if_exist(bert_dir, ['tokenizer.model']): + logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('WikiText_BERT', bert_dir)) + return data_dir, f'{bert_dir}/tokenizer.model' + logging.info(f'Processing WikiText dataset and store at {bert_dir}') + os.makedirs(bert_dir, exist_ok=True) + + if not train_file: + files = glob.glob(f'{data_dir}/*.txt') + train_file = f'{bert_dir}/merged.txt' + logging.info(f"Merging {len(files)} txt files into {train_file}") + + with open(train_file, "w") as merged: + for file in tqdm(files): + with open(file, 'r') as inf: + content = inf.read().strip() + merged.write(content + '\n\n\n') + else: + train_file = f'{data_dir}/{train_file}' + + cmd = ( + f"--input={train_file} --model_prefix={bert_dir}/tokenizer " + f"--vocab_size={vocab_size - len(vocab)} " + f"--input_sentence_size={sample_size} " + f"--shuffle_input_sentence=true --hard_vocab_limit=false " + f"--bos_id=-1 --eos_id=-1" + ) + SPT.Train(cmd) + + # Add BERT control symbols + tokens = [] + + with open(f"{bert_dir}/tokenizer.vocab", "r") as f: + f.readline() # skip first token + + # Read tokens from each line and parse for vocab + for line in f: + piece = line.split("\t")[0] + token = piece[1:] if piece.startswith("▁") else f"##{piece}" + tokens.append(token) + + vocab.extend(tokens) + + # Save vocabulary to output file + with open(f'{bert_dir}/vocab.txt', "w") as f: + for token in vocab: + f.write(f"{token}\n".format()) + return data_dir, f'{bert_dir}/tokenizer.model' + + +def dataset_to_ids(dataset, tokenizer, cache_ids=False, add_bos_eos=True): + """ + Reads dataset from file line by line, tokenizes each line with tokenizer, + and returns list of lists which corresponds to ids of tokenized strings. + + Args: + dataset: path to dataset + tokenizer: tokenizer to convert text into ids + cache_ids: if True, ids are saved to disk as pickle file + with similar name (e.g., data.txt --> data.txt.pkl) + add_bos_eos: bool, whether to add and symbols (e.g., for NMT) + Returns: + ids: list of ids which correspond to tokenized strings of the dataset + """ + + cached_ids_dataset = dataset + str(".pkl") + if os.path.isfile(cached_ids_dataset): + logging.info("Loading cached tokenized dataset ...") + ids = pickle.load(open(cached_ids_dataset, "rb")) + else: + logging.info("Tokenizing dataset ...") + data = open(dataset, "rb").readlines() + ids = [] + for sentence in data: + sent_ids = tokenizer.text_to_ids(sentence.decode("utf-8")) + if add_bos_eos: + sent_ids = [tokenizer.bos_id()] + sent_ids + [tokenizer.eos_id()] + ids.append(sent_ids) + if cache_ids: + logging.info("Caching tokenized dataset ...") + pickle.dump(ids, open(cached_ids_dataset, "wb")) + return ids + + +def create_vocab_lm(data_dir, do_lower_case): + if if_exist(data_dir, ['train.txt', 'vocab.txt']): + logging.info("Vocabulary has been created.") + with open(os.path.join(data_dir, 'vocab.txt'), 'r') as f: + vocab_size = len(f.readlines()) + return vocab_size + + logging.info(f'Creating vocabulary from training data at {data_dir}') + + with open(f'{data_dir}/train.txt', 'r') as f: + txt = f.read() + if do_lower_case: + txt = txt.lower() + lines = re.split(r'[\n]', txt) + sentences = [line.strip().split() for line in lines if line.strip()] + + vocab = {"[PAD]": 0, "[SEP]": 1, "[CLS]": 2, "[MASK]": 3} + idx = 4 + for sentence in sentences: + for word in sentence: + if word not in vocab: + vocab[word] = idx + idx += 1 + + with open(f'{data_dir}/vocab.txt', 'w') as f: + for word in sorted(vocab.keys()): + f.write(word + '\n') + logging.info(f"Created vocabulary of size {len(vocab)}") + + return len(vocab) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/translation.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py similarity index 78% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/translation.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py index b4113f54e4cb..03b960c63fb8 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/translation.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py @@ -18,13 +18,13 @@ import numpy as np from torch.utils.data import Dataset -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.utils import clean_src_and_target, dataset_to_ids +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.lm_transformer_dataset import dataset_to_ids + +__all__ = ['TranslationDataset'] class TranslationDataset(Dataset): - def __init__( - self, tokenizer_src, tokenizer_tgt, dataset_src, dataset_tgt, tokens_in_batch=1024, clean=False, - ): + def __init__(self, tokenizer_src, tokenizer_tgt, dataset_src, dataset_tgt, tokens_in_batch=1024, clean=False): self.src_tokenizer = tokenizer_src self.tgt_tokenizer = tokenizer_tgt @@ -152,3 +152,36 @@ def pack_data_into_batches(self, src_ids, tgt_ids): batches.pop(-1) return batches + + +def clean_src_and_target(src_ids, tgt_ids, max_tokens=128, min_tokens=3, max_tokens_diff=25, max_tokens_ratio=2.5): + """ + Cleans source and target sentences to get rid of noisy data. + Specifically, a pair of sentences is removed if + -- either source or target is longer than *max_tokens* + -- either source or target is shorter than *min_tokens* + -- absolute difference between source and target is larger than + *max_tokens_diff* + -- one sentence is *max_tokens_ratio* times longer than the other + """ + + if len(src_ids) != len(tgt_ids): + raise ValueError("Source and target corpora have different lengths!") + src_ids_, tgt_ids_ = [], [] + for i in range(len(src_ids)): + src_len, tgt_len = len(src_ids[i]), len(tgt_ids[i]) + if ( + src_len > max_tokens + or tgt_len > max_tokens + or src_len < min_tokens + or tgt_len < min_tokens + or (src_ids[i] == tgt_ids[i]) + or np.abs(src_len - tgt_len) > max_tokens_diff + ): + continue + ratio = max(src_len - 2, 1) / max(tgt_len - 2, 1) + if ratio > max_tokens_ratio or ratio < (1 / max_tokens_ratio): + continue + src_ids_.append(src_ids[i]) + tgt_ids_.append(tgt_ids[i]) + return src_ids_, tgt_ids_ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization_dataset.py similarity index 97% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization_dataset.py index df359582476e..36d643609c20 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization_dataset.py @@ -19,6 +19,8 @@ https://github.com/huggingface/pytorch-pretrained-BERT """ +__all__ = ['BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataset', 'BertPunctuationCapitalizationInferDataset'] + import itertools import os import pickle @@ -28,7 +30,7 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset import nemo -import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils +import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils as utils def get_features( @@ -123,7 +125,7 @@ def get_features( capit_all_labels.append(capit_labels) max_seq_length = min(max_seq_length, max(sent_lengths)) - nemo.logging.info(f'Max length: {max_seq_length}') + logging.info(f'Max length: {max_seq_length}') utils.get_stats(sent_lengths) too_long_count = 0 @@ -154,12 +156,12 @@ def get_features( all_segment_ids.append([0] * max_seq_length) - nemo.logging.info(f'{too_long_count} are longer than {max_seq_length}') + logging.info(f'{too_long_count} are longer than {max_seq_length}') for i in range(min(len(all_input_ids), 5)): - nemo.logging.info("*** Example ***") - nemo.logging.info("i: %s" % (i)) - nemo.logging.info("subtokens: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_subtokens[i])))) + logging.info("*** Example ***") + logging.info("i: %s" % (i)) + logging.info("subtokens: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_subtokens[i])))) nemo.logging.info("loss_mask: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_loss_mask[i])))) nemo.logging.info("input_mask: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_input_mask[i])))) nemo.logging.info("subtokens_mask: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_subtokens_mask[i])))) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/qa_squad_dataset.py similarity index 88% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/qa_squad_dataset.py index 3d0b4e53f4d9..b415c99bb231 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/squad.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/qa_squad_dataset.py @@ -26,10 +26,9 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset from tqdm import tqdm -import nemo -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.utils import DataProcessor +from nemo import logging +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.glue_benchmark_dataset import DataProcessor from nemo.collections.nlp.metrics.squad_metrics import ( - _compute_softmax, _get_best_indexes, apply_no_ans_threshold, exact_match_score, @@ -40,7 +39,8 @@ merge_eval, normalize_answer, ) -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import _is_whitespace +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import _is_whitespace +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.loss_utils import _compute_softmax """ @@ -72,7 +72,7 @@ class SquadDataset(Dataset): """ def __init__( - self, data_dir, tokenizer, doc_stride, max_query_length, max_seq_length, version_2_with_negative, mode, + self, data_dir, tokenizer, doc_stride, max_query_length, max_seq_length, version_2_with_negative, mode ): self.tokenizer = tokenizer if not version_2_with_negative: @@ -90,7 +90,7 @@ def __init__( cached_train_features_file = ( data_dir + '/cache' - + '_{0}_{1}_{2}_{3}'.format(mode, str(max_seq_length), str(doc_stride), str(max_query_length),) + + '_{0}_{1}_{2}_{3}'.format(mode, str(max_seq_length), str(doc_stride), str(max_query_length)) ) if os.path.exists(cached_train_features_file): @@ -107,9 +107,7 @@ def __init__( ) master_device = not torch.distributed.is_initialized() or torch.distributed.get_rank() == 0 if master_device: - nemo.logging.info( - " Saving train features into cached file %s", cached_train_features_file, - ) + logging.info(" Saving train features into cached file %s", cached_train_features_file) with open(cached_train_features_file, "wb") as writer: pickle.dump(self.features, writer) elif mode == "dev": @@ -159,7 +157,7 @@ def get_predictions( example_index_to_features[feature.example_index].append(feature) _PrelimPrediction = collections.namedtuple( - "PrelimPrediction", ["feature_index", "start_index", "end_index", "start_logit", "end_logit",], + "PrelimPrediction", ["feature_index", "start_index", "end_index", "start_logit", "end_logit"] ) all_predictions = collections.OrderedDict() @@ -233,7 +231,7 @@ def get_predictions( end_logit=null_end_logit, ) ) - prelim_predictions = sorted(prelim_predictions, key=lambda x: (x.start_logit + x.end_logit), reverse=True,) + prelim_predictions = sorted(prelim_predictions, key=lambda x: (x.start_logit + x.end_logit), reverse=True) _NbestPrediction = collections.namedtuple("NbestPrediction", ["text", "start_logit", "end_logit"]) @@ -268,21 +266,17 @@ def get_predictions( final_text = "" seen_predictions[final_text] = True - nbest.append( - _NbestPrediction(text=final_text, start_logit=pred.start_logit, end_logit=pred.end_logit,) - ) + nbest.append(_NbestPrediction(text=final_text, start_logit=pred.start_logit, end_logit=pred.end_logit)) # if we didn't include the empty option in the n-best, include it if version_2_with_negative: if "" not in seen_predictions: - nbest.append(_NbestPrediction(text="", start_logit=null_start_logit, end_logit=null_end_logit,)) + nbest.append(_NbestPrediction(text="", start_logit=null_start_logit, end_logit=null_end_logit)) # In very rare edge cases we could only # have single null pred. We just create a nonce prediction # in this case to avoid failure. if len(nbest) == 1: - nbest.insert( - 0, _NbestPrediction(text="empty", start_logit=0.0, end_logit=0.0), - ) + nbest.insert(0, _NbestPrediction(text="empty", start_logit=0.0, end_logit=0.0)) # In very rare edge cases we could have no valid predictions. So we # just create a nonce prediction in this case to avoid failure. @@ -327,9 +321,7 @@ def get_predictions( return all_predictions, all_nbest_json, scores_diff_json - def evaluate_predictions( - self, all_predictions, no_answer_probs=None, no_answer_probability_threshold=1.0, - ): + def evaluate_predictions(self, all_predictions, no_answer_probs=None, no_answer_probability_threshold=1.0): qas_id_to_has_answer = {example.qas_id: bool(example.answers) for example in self.examples} has_answer_qids = [qas_id for qas_id, has_answer in qas_id_to_has_answer.items() if has_answer] no_answer_qids = [qas_id for qas_id, has_answer in qas_id_to_has_answer.items() if not has_answer] @@ -339,10 +331,10 @@ def evaluate_predictions( exact, f1 = self.get_raw_scores(all_predictions) exact_threshold = apply_no_ans_threshold( - exact, no_answer_probs, qas_id_to_has_answer, no_answer_probability_threshold, + exact, no_answer_probs, qas_id_to_has_answer, no_answer_probability_threshold ) f1_threshold = apply_no_ans_threshold( - f1, no_answer_probs, qas_id_to_has_answer, no_answer_probability_threshold, + f1, no_answer_probs, qas_id_to_has_answer, no_answer_probability_threshold ) evaluation = make_eval_dict(exact_threshold, f1_threshold) @@ -356,9 +348,7 @@ def evaluate_predictions( merge_eval(evaluation, no_ans_eval, "NoAns") if no_answer_probs: - find_all_best_thresh( - evaluation, all_predictions, exact, f1, no_answer_probs, qas_id_to_has_answer, - ) + find_all_best_thresh(evaluation, all_predictions, exact, f1, no_answer_probs, qas_id_to_has_answer) return evaluation["best_exact"], evaluation["best_f1"] @@ -380,7 +370,7 @@ def get_raw_scores(self, preds): gold_answers = [""] if qas_id not in preds: - print("Missing prediction for %s" % qas_id) + logging.warning("Missing prediction for %s" % qas_id) continue prediction = preds[qas_id] @@ -401,7 +391,7 @@ def evaluate( null_score_diff_threshold, ): - (all_predictions, all_nbest_json, scores_diff_json,) = self.get_predictions( + (all_predictions, all_nbest_json, scores_diff_json) = self.get_predictions( unique_ids, start_logits, end_logits, @@ -417,9 +407,7 @@ def evaluate( return exact_match, f1, all_predictions -def convert_examples_to_features( - examples, tokenizer, max_seq_length, doc_stride, max_query_length, has_groundtruth, -): +def convert_examples_to_features(examples, tokenizer, max_seq_length, doc_stride, max_query_length, has_groundtruth): """Loads a data file into a list of `InputBatch`s.""" unique_id = 1000000000 @@ -459,7 +447,7 @@ def convert_examples_to_features( tok_end_position = len(all_doc_tokens) - 1 (tok_start_position, tok_end_position) = _improve_answer_span( - all_doc_tokens, tok_start_position, tok_end_position, tokenizer, example.answer_text, + all_doc_tokens, tok_start_position, tok_end_position, tokenizer, example.answer_text ) # The -3 accounts for [CLS], [SEP] and [SEP] @@ -544,28 +532,28 @@ def convert_examples_to_features( end_position = 0 if example_index < 1: - nemo.logging.info("*** Example ***") - nemo.logging.info("unique_id: %s" % (unique_id)) - nemo.logging.info("example_index: %s" % (example_index)) - nemo.logging.info("doc_span_index: %s" % (doc_span_index)) - nemo.logging.info("tokens: %s" % " ".join(tokens)) - nemo.logging.info( + logging.info("*** Example ***") + logging.info("unique_id: %s" % (unique_id)) + logging.info("example_index: %s" % (example_index)) + logging.info("doc_span_index: %s" % (doc_span_index)) + logging.info("tokens: %s" % " ".join(tokens)) + logging.info( "token_to_orig_map: %s" % " ".join(["%d:%d" % (x, y) for (x, y) in token_to_orig_map.items()]) ) - nemo.logging.info( + logging.info( "token_is_max_context: %s" % " ".join(["%d:%s" % (x, y) for (x, y) in token_is_max_context.items()]) ) - nemo.logging.info("input_ids: %s" % " ".join([str(x) for x in input_ids])) - nemo.logging.info("input_mask: %s" % " ".join([str(x) for x in input_mask])) - nemo.logging.info("segment_ids: %s" % " ".join([str(x) for x in segment_ids])) + logging.info("input_ids: %s" % " ".join([str(x) for x in input_ids])) + logging.info("input_mask: %s" % " ".join([str(x) for x in input_mask])) + logging.info("segment_ids: %s" % " ".join([str(x) for x in segment_ids])) if has_groundtruth and example.is_impossible: - nemo.logging.info("impossible example") + logging.info("impossible example") if has_groundtruth and not example.is_impossible: answer_text = " ".join(tokens[start_position : (end_position + 1)]) - nemo.logging.info("start_position: %d" % (start_position)) - nemo.logging.info("end_position: %d" % (end_position)) - nemo.logging.info("answer: %s" % (answer_text)) + logging.info("start_position: %d" % (start_position)) + logging.info("end_position: %d" % (end_position)) + logging.info("answer: %s" % (answer_text)) features.append( InputFeatures( @@ -651,7 +639,7 @@ def get_train_examples(self, data_dir, filename=None): ) with open( - os.path.join(data_dir, self.train_file if filename is None else filename), "r", encoding="utf-8", + os.path.join(data_dir, self.train_file if filename is None else filename), "r", encoding="utf-8" ) as reader: input_data = json.load(reader)["data"] return self._create_examples(input_data, "train") @@ -676,7 +664,7 @@ def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir, filename=None): SquadV1Processor or SquadV2Processor" ) with open( - os.path.join(data_dir, self.dev_file if filename is None else filename), "r", encoding="utf-8", + os.path.join(data_dir, self.dev_file if filename is None else filename), "r", encoding="utf-8" ) as reader: input_data = json.load(reader)["data"] return self._create_examples(input_data, "dev") @@ -797,7 +785,7 @@ def __init__( # start_position is index of word, end_position inclusive self.start_position = char_to_word_offset[start_position_character] self.end_position = char_to_word_offset[ - min(start_position_character + len(answer_text) - 1, len(char_to_word_offset) - 1,) + min(start_position_character + len(answer_text) - 1, len(char_to_word_offset) - 1) ] @@ -833,3 +821,45 @@ def _check_is_max_context(doc_spans, cur_span_index, position): best_span_index = span_index return cur_span_index == best_span_index + + +def check_is_max_context(doc_spans, cur_span_index, position): + """Check if this is the 'max context' doc span for the token. + + Because of the sliding window approach taken to scoring documents, + a single token can appear in multiple documents. + + Example: + Doc: the man went to the store and bought a gallon of milk + Span A: the man went to the + Span B: to the store and bought + Span C: and bought a gallon of + ... + + Now the word 'bought' will have two scores from spans B and C. We only + want to consider the score with "maximum context", which we define as + the *minimum* of its left and right context (the *sum* of left and + right context will always be the same, of course). + + In the example the maximum context for 'bought' would be span C since + it has 1 left context and 3 right context, while span B has 4 left context + and 0 right context. + + Code adapted from the code by the Google AI and HuggingFace. + """ + best_score = None + best_span_index = None + for (span_index, doc_span) in enumerate(doc_spans): + end = doc_span.start + doc_span.length - 1 + if position < doc_span.start: + continue + if position > end: + continue + num_left_context = position - doc_span.start + num_right_context = end - position + score = min(num_left_context, num_right_context) + 0.01 * doc_span.length + if best_score is None or score > best_score: + best_score = score + best_span_index = span_index + + return cur_span_index == best_span_index diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/sentence_classification.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/text_classification_dataset.py similarity index 54% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/sentence_classification.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/text_classification_dataset.py index b4ea5a2f762c..135383838ee8 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/sentence_classification.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/text_classification_dataset.py @@ -26,9 +26,24 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset import nemo - - -class BertSentenceClassificationDataset(Dataset): +import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot_dataset +from nemo import logging +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import ( + get_intent_labels, + get_label_stats, + get_stats, + process_imdb, + process_jarvis_datasets, + process_nlu, + process_sst_2, + process_thucnews, +) +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import calc_class_weights, if_exist + +__all__ = ['BertTextClassificationDataset'] + + +class BertTextClassificationDataset(Dataset): """A dataset class that converts from raw data to a dataset that can be used by DataLayerNM. @@ -43,16 +58,14 @@ class BertSentenceClassificationDataset(Dataset): shuffle (bool): whether to shuffle your data. """ - def __init__( - self, input_file, max_seq_length, tokenizer, num_samples=-1, shuffle=True, - ): + def __init__(self, input_file, max_seq_length, tokenizer, num_samples=-1, shuffle=True): with open(input_file, "r") as f: sent_labels, all_sent_subtokens = [], [] sent_lengths = [] too_long_count = 0 lines = f.readlines()[1:] - nemo.logging.info(f'{input_file}: {len(lines)}') + logging.info(f'{input_file}: {len(lines)}') if shuffle or num_samples > -1: random.seed(0) @@ -62,7 +75,7 @@ def __init__( for index, line in enumerate(lines): if index % 20000 == 0: - nemo.logging.debug(f"Processing line {index}/{len(lines)}") + logging.debug(f"Processing line {index}/{len(lines)}") sent_label = int(line.split()[-1]) sent_labels.append(sent_label) @@ -78,7 +91,7 @@ def __init__( all_sent_subtokens.append(sent_subtokens) sent_lengths.append(len(sent_subtokens)) - utils.get_stats(sent_lengths) + get_stats(sent_lengths) self.max_seq_length = min(max_seq_length, max(sent_lengths)) for i in range(len(all_sent_subtokens)): @@ -87,7 +100,7 @@ def __init__( all_sent_subtokens[i] = ['[CLS]'] + shorten_sent too_long_count += 1 - nemo.logging.info( + logging.info( f'{too_long_count} out of {len(sent_lengths)} \ sentencess with more than {max_seq_length} subtokens.' ) @@ -119,8 +132,7 @@ def convert_sequences_to_features(self, all_sent_subtokens, sent_labels, tokeniz for sent_id in range(len(all_sent_subtokens)): sent_subtokens = all_sent_subtokens[sent_id] sent_label = sent_labels[sent_id] - word_count = 0 - # input_ids = tokenizer.tokens_to_ids(sent_subtokens) + input_ids = [tokenizer._convert_token_to_id(t) for t in sent_subtokens] # The mask has 1 for real tokens and 0 for padding tokens. @@ -137,12 +149,12 @@ def convert_sequences_to_features(self, all_sent_subtokens, sent_labels, tokeniz assert len(input_mask) == max_seq_length if sent_id == 0: - nemo.logging.info("*** Example ***") - nemo.logging.info("example_index: %s" % sent_id) - nemo.logging.info("subtokens: %s" % " ".join(sent_subtokens)) - nemo.logging.info("sent_label: %s" % sent_label) - nemo.logging.info("input_ids: %s" % utils.list2str(input_ids)) - nemo.logging.info("input_mask: %s" % utils.list2str(input_mask)) + logging.info("*** Example ***") + logging.info("example_index: %s" % sent_id) + logging.info("subtokens: %s" % " ".join(sent_subtokens)) + logging.info("sent_label: %s" % sent_label) + logging.info("input_ids: %s" % nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils.list2str(input_ids)) + logging.info("input_mask: %s" % nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils.list2str(input_mask)) self.features.append( InputFeatures( @@ -164,3 +176,74 @@ def __init__(self, sent_id, sent_label, input_ids, input_mask, segment_ids): self.input_ids = input_ids self.input_mask = input_mask self.segment_ids = segment_ids + + +class SentenceClassificationDataDesc: + def __init__(self, dataset_name, data_dir, do_lower_case): + if dataset_name == 'sst-2': + self.data_dir = process_sst_2(data_dir) + self.num_labels = 2 + self.eval_file = self.data_dir + '/dev.tsv' + elif dataset_name == 'imdb': + self.num_labels = 2 + self.data_dir = process_imdb(data_dir, do_lower_case) + self.eval_file = self.data_dir + '/test.tsv' + elif dataset_name == 'thucnews': + self.num_labels = 14 + self.data_dir = process_thucnews(data_dir) + self.eval_file = self.data_dir + '/test.tsv' + elif dataset_name.startswith('nlu-'): + if dataset_name.endswith('chat'): + self.data_dir = f'{data_dir}/ChatbotCorpus.json' + self.num_labels = 2 + elif dataset_name.endswith('ubuntu'): + self.data_dir = f'{data_dir}/AskUbuntuCorpus.json' + self.num_labels = 5 + elif dataset_name.endswith('web'): + data_dir = f'{data_dir}/WebApplicationsCorpus.json' + self.num_labels = 8 + self.data_dir = process_nlu(data_dir, do_lower_case, dataset_name=dataset_name) + self.eval_file = self.data_dir + '/test.tsv' + elif dataset_name.startswith('jarvis'): + self.data_dir = process_jarvis_datasets( + data_dir, do_lower_case, dataset_name, modes=['train', 'test', 'eval'], ignore_prev_intent=False + ) + + intents = get_intent_labels(f'{self.data_dir}/dict.intents.csv') + self.num_labels = len(intents) + else: + raise ValueError( + "Looks like you passed a dataset name that isn't " + "already supported by NeMo. Please make sure " + "that you build the preprocessing method for it." + ) + + self.train_file = self.data_dir + '/train.tsv' + + for mode in ['train', 'test', 'eval']: + + if not if_exist(self.data_dir, [f'{mode}.tsv']): + logging.info(f' Stats calculation for {mode} mode' f' is skipped as {mode}.tsv was not found.') + continue + + input_file = f'{self.data_dir}/{mode}.tsv' + with open(input_file, 'r') as f: + input_lines = f.readlines()[1:] # Skipping headers at index 0 + + queries, raw_sentences = [], [] + for input_line in input_lines: + parts = input_line.strip().split() + raw_sentences.append(int(parts[-1])) + queries.append(' '.join(parts[:-1])) + + infold = input_file[: input_file.rfind('/')] + + logging.info(f'Three most popular classes during {mode}ing') + total_sents, sent_label_freq = get_label_stats(raw_sentences, infold + f'/{mode}_sentence_stats.tsv') + + if mode == 'train': + self.class_weights = calc_class_weights(sent_label_freq) + logging.info(f'Class weights are - {self.class_weights}') + + logging.info(f'Total Sentences - {total_sents}') + logging.info(f'Sentence class frequencies - {sent_label_freq}') diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification_dataset.py similarity index 87% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification_dataset.py index 01cba9604ad4..b0858a91985e 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification_dataset.py @@ -28,6 +28,10 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset import nemo +import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils as datasets_utils +import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot_dataset + +__all__ = ['BertTokenClassificationDataset', 'BertTokenClassificationInferDataset'] def get_features( @@ -108,8 +112,8 @@ def get_features( all_labels.append(labels) max_seq_length = min(max_seq_length, max(sent_lengths)) - nemo.logging.info(f'Max length: {max_seq_length}') - utils.get_stats(sent_lengths) + logging.info(f'Max length: {max_seq_length}') + datasets_utils.get_stats(sent_lengths) too_long_count = 0 for i, subtokens in enumerate(all_subtokens): @@ -137,27 +141,18 @@ def get_features( all_segment_ids.append([0] * max_seq_length) - nemo.logging.warning(f'{too_long_count} are longer than {max_seq_length}') + logging.warning(f'{too_long_count} are longer than {max_seq_length}') for i in range(min(len(all_input_ids), 5)): - nemo.logging.debug("*** Example ***") - nemo.logging.debug("i: %s", i) - nemo.logging.debug("subtokens: %s", " ".join(list(map(str, all_subtokens[i])))) - nemo.logging.debug("loss_mask: %s", " ".join(list(map(str, all_loss_mask[i])))) - nemo.logging.debug("input_mask: %s", " ".join(list(map(str, all_input_mask[i])))) - nemo.logging.debug( - "subtokens_mask: %s", " ".join(list(map(str, all_subtokens_mask[i]))), - ) + logging.debug("*** Example ***") + logging.debug("i: %s", i) + logging.debug("subtokens: %s", " ".join(list(map(str, all_subtokens[i])))) + logging.debug("loss_mask: %s", " ".join(list(map(str, all_loss_mask[i])))) + logging.debug("input_mask: %s", " ".join(list(map(str, all_input_mask[i])))) + logging.debug("subtokens_mask: %s", " ".join(list(map(str, all_subtokens_mask[i])))) if with_label: - nemo.logging.debug("labels: %s", " ".join(list(map(str, all_labels[i])))) - return ( - all_input_ids, - all_segment_ids, - all_input_mask, - all_loss_mask, - all_subtokens_mask, - all_labels, - ) + logging.debug("labels: %s", " ".join(list(map(str, all_labels[i])))) + return (all_input_ids, all_segment_ids, all_input_mask, all_loss_mask, all_subtokens_mask, all_labels) class BertTokenClassificationDataset(Dataset): @@ -223,10 +218,10 @@ def __init__( if use_cache and os.path.exists(features_pkl) and os.path.exists(label_ids_pkl): # If text_file was already processed, load from pickle features = pickle.load(open(features_pkl, 'rb')) - nemo.logging.info(f'features restored from {features_pkl}') + logging.info(f'features restored from {features_pkl}') label_ids = pickle.load(open(label_ids_pkl, 'rb')) - nemo.logging.info(f'Labels to ids dict restored from {label_ids_pkl}') + logging.info(f'Labels to ids dict restored from {label_ids_pkl}') else: if num_samples == 0: raise ValueError("num_samples has to be positive", num_samples) @@ -260,16 +255,16 @@ def __init__( # for dev/test sets use label mapping from training set if label_ids: if len(label_ids) != len(unique_labels): - nemo.logging.warning( + logging.warning( f'Not all labels from the specified' + ' label_ids dictionary are present in the' + ' current dataset. Using the provided' + ' label_ids dictionary.' ) else: - nemo.logging.info(f'Using the provided label_ids dictionary.') + logging.info(f'Using the provided label_ids dictionary.') else: - nemo.logging.info( + logging.info( f'Creating a new label to label_id dictionary.' + ' It\'s recommended to use label_ids generated' + ' during training for dev/test sets to avoid' @@ -297,10 +292,10 @@ def __init__( if use_cache: pickle.dump(features, open(features_pkl, "wb")) - nemo.logging.info(f'features saved to {features_pkl}') + logging.info(f'features saved to {features_pkl}') pickle.dump(label_ids, open(label_ids_pkl, "wb")) - nemo.logging.info(f'labels to ids dict saved to {label_ids_pkl}') + logging.info(f'labels to ids dict saved to {label_ids_pkl}') self.all_input_ids = features[0] self.all_segment_ids = features[1] @@ -312,15 +307,15 @@ def __init__( infold = text_file[: text_file.rfind('/')] merged_labels = itertools.chain.from_iterable(self.all_labels) - nemo.logging.info('Three most popular labels') - _, self.label_frequencies = utils.get_label_stats(merged_labels, infold + '/label_stats.tsv') + logging.info('Three most popular labels') + _, self.label_frequencies = datasets_utils.get_label_stats(merged_labels, infold + '/label_stats.tsv') # save label_ids out = open(infold + '/label_ids.csv', 'w') labels, _ = zip(*sorted(self.label_ids.items(), key=lambda x: x[1])) out.write('\n'.join(labels)) - nemo.logging.info(f'Labels: {self.label_ids}') - nemo.logging.info(f'Labels mapping saved to : {out.name}') + logging.info(f'Labels: {self.label_ids}') + logging.info(f'Labels mapping saved to : {out.name}') def __len__(self): return len(self.all_input_ids) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/utils.py deleted file mode 100644 index d181142759b1..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/utils.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1681 +0,0 @@ -import csv -import glob -import itertools -import json -import os -import random -import re -import shutil -import subprocess -from collections import Counter - -import numpy as np -from sentencepiece import SentencePieceTrainer as SPT -from tqdm import tqdm - -import nemo -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import get_vocab, label2idx, write_vocab, write_vocab_in_order - -DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP = '{} dataset has already been processed and stored at {}' -MODE_EXISTS_TMP = '{} mode of {} dataset has already been processed and stored at {}' - - -def get_stats(lengths): - lengths = np.asarray(lengths) - nemo.logging.info( - f'Min: {np.min(lengths)} | \ - Max: {np.max(lengths)} | \ - Mean: {np.mean(lengths)} | \ - Median: {np.median(lengths)}' - ) - nemo.logging.info(f'75 percentile: {np.percentile(lengths, 75)}') - nemo.logging.info(f'99 percentile: {np.percentile(lengths, 99)}') - - -def get_label_stats(labels, outfile='stats.tsv'): - labels = Counter(labels) - total = sum(labels.values()) - out = open(outfile, 'w') - i = 0 - label_frequencies = labels.most_common() - for k, v in label_frequencies: - out.write(f'{k}\t{v / total}\n') - if i < 3: - nemo.logging.info(f'{i} item: {k}, {v} out of {total}, {v / total}.') - i += 1 - return total, label_frequencies - - -def list2str(l): - return ' '.join([str(x) for x in l]) - - -def tensor2list(tensor): - return tensor.detach().cpu().tolist() - - -def if_exist(outfold, files): - if not os.path.exists(outfold): - return False - for file in files: - if not os.path.exists(f'{outfold}/{file}'): - return False - return True - - -def process_sst_2(data_dir): - if not os.path.exists(data_dir): - link = 'https://gluebenchmark.com/tasks' - raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' f'Please download SST-2 from {link}.') - nemo.logging.info('Keep in mind that SST-2 is only available in lower case.') - return data_dir - - -def process_imdb(data_dir, uncased, modes=['train', 'test']): - if not os.path.exists(data_dir): - link = 'www.kaggle.com/iarunava/imdb-movie-reviews-dataset' - raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' f'Please download IMDB from {link}.') - - outfold = f'{data_dir}/nemo-processed' - - if uncased: - outfold = f'{outfold}_uncased' - - if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): - nemo.logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('IMDB', outfold)) - return outfold - nemo.logging.info(f'Processing IMDB dataset and store at {outfold}') - - os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) - - outfiles = {} - - for mode in modes: - outfiles[mode] = open(os.path.join(outfold, mode + '.tsv'), 'w') - outfiles[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') - for sent in ['neg', 'pos']: - if sent == 'neg': - label = 0 - else: - label = 1 - files = glob.glob(f'{data_dir}/{mode}/{sent}/*.txt') - for file in files: - with open(file, 'r') as f: - review = f.read().strip() - if uncased: - review = review.lower() - review = review.replace("
", "") - outfiles[mode].write(f'{review}\t{label}\n') - for mode in modes: - outfiles[mode].close() - - return outfold - - -def process_thucnews(data_dir): - modes = ['train', 'test'] - train_size = 0.8 - if not os.path.exists(data_dir): - link = 'thuctc.thunlp.org/' - raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' f'Please download THUCNews from {link}.') - - outfold = f'{data_dir}/nemo-processed-thucnews' - - if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): - nemo.logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('THUCNews', outfold)) - return outfold - nemo.logging.info(f'Processing THUCNews dataset and store at {outfold}') - - os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) - - outfiles = {} - - for mode in modes: - outfiles[mode] = open(os.path.join(outfold, mode + '.tsv'), 'a+', encoding='utf-8') - outfiles[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') - categories = [ - '体育', - '娱乐', - '家居', - '彩票', - '房产', - '教育', - '时尚', - '时政', - '星座', - '游戏', - '社会', - '科技', - '股票', - '财经', - ] - for category in categories: - label = categories.index(category) - category_files = glob.glob(f'{data_dir}/{category}/*.txt') - test_num = int(len(category_files) * (1 - train_size)) - test_files = category_files[:test_num] - train_files = category_files[test_num:] - for mode in modes: - nemo.logging.info(f'Processing {mode} data of the category {category}') - if mode == 'test': - files = test_files - else: - files = train_files - for file in tqdm(files): - with open(file, 'r', encoding='utf-8') as f: - news = f.read().strip().replace('\r', '') - news = news.replace('\n', '').replace('\t', ' ') - outfiles[mode].write(f'{news}\t{label}\n') - for mode in modes: - outfiles[mode].close() - - return outfold - - -def process_nlu(filename, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dataset_name='nlu-ubuntu'): - """ Dataset has to be of: - - ubuntu - - chat - - web - """ - - if not os.path.exists(filename): - link = 'https://github.com/sebischair/NLU-Evaluation-Corpora' - raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {filename}. ' 'Please download IMDB from {link}.') - - if dataset_name == 'nlu-ubuntu': - INTENT = { - 'makeupdate': 1, - 'setupprinter': 2, - 'shutdowncomputer': 3, - 'softwarerecommendation': 4, - 'none': 0, - } - elif dataset_name == 'nlu-chat': - INTENT = {'departuretime': 0, 'findconnection': 1} - elif dataset_name == 'nlu-web': - INTENT = { - 'changepassword': 1, - 'deleteaccount': 2, - 'downloadvideo': 3, - 'exportdata': 4, - 'filterspam': 5, - 'findalternative': 6, - 'syncaccounts': 7, - 'none': 0, - } - else: - raise ValueError(f'{dataset_name}: Invalid dataset name') - - infold = filename[: filename.rfind('/')] - outfold = f'{infold}/{dataset_name}-nemo-processed' - - if uncased: - outfold = f'{outfold}_uncased' - - if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): - nemo.logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format(dataset_name.upper(), outfold)) - return outfold - nemo.logging.info(f'Processing data and store at {outfold}') - - os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) - - outfiles = {} - - for mode in modes: - outfiles[mode] = open(os.path.join(outfold, mode + '.tsv'), 'w') - outfiles[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') - - with open(filename, 'r') as f: - data = json.load(f) - - for obj in data['sentences']: - sentence = obj['text'].strip() - if uncased: - sentence = sentence.lower() - intent = obj['intent'].lower().replace(' ', '') - label = INTENT[intent] - txt = f'{sentence}\t{label}\n' - if obj['training']: - outfiles['train'].write(txt) - else: - outfiles['test'].write(txt) - for mode in modes: - outfiles[mode].close() - return outfold - - -def get_intent_labels(intent_file): - labels = {} - label = 0 - with open(intent_file, 'r') as f: - for line in f: - intent = line.strip() - labels[intent] = label - label += 1 - return labels - - -def process_twitter_airline(filename, uncased, modes=['train', 'test']): - """ Dataset from Kaggle: - https://www.kaggle.com/crowdflower/twitter-airline-sentiment - """ - pass - - -def ids2text(ids, vocab): - return ' '.join([vocab[int(id_)] for id_ in ids]) - - -def process_atis(infold, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dev_split=0): - """ MSFT's dataset, processed by Kaggle - https://www.kaggle.com/siddhadev/atis-dataset-from-ms-cntk - """ - outfold = f'{infold}/nemo-processed' - vocab = get_vocab(f'{infold}/atis.dict.vocab.csv') - - if uncased: - outfold = f'{outfold}-uncased' - - if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): - nemo.logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('ATIS', outfold)) - return outfold - nemo.logging.info(f'Processing ATIS dataset and store at {outfold}') - - os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) - - outfiles = {} - - for mode in modes: - outfiles[mode] = open(os.path.join(outfold, mode + '.tsv'), 'w') - outfiles[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') - outfiles[mode + '_slots'] = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}_slots.tsv', 'w') - - queries = open(f'{infold}/atis.{mode}.query.csv', 'r').readlines() - intents = open(f'{infold}/atis.{mode}.intent.csv', 'r').readlines() - slots = open(f'{infold}/atis.{mode}.slots.csv', 'r').readlines() - - for i, query in enumerate(queries): - sentence = ids2text(query.strip().split()[1:-1], vocab) - outfiles[mode].write(f'{sentence}\t{intents[i].strip()}\n') - slot = ' '.join(slots[i].strip().split()[1:-1]) - outfiles[mode + '_slots'].write(slot + '\n') - - shutil.copyfile(f'{infold}/atis.dict.intent.csv', f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv') - shutil.copyfile(f'{infold}/atis.dict.slots.csv', f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') - for mode in modes: - outfiles[mode].close() - - return outfold - - -def process_jarvis_datasets( - infold, uncased, dataset_name, modes=['train', 'test', 'eval'], ignore_prev_intent=False, -): - """ process and convert Jarvis datasets into NeMo's BIO format - """ - outfold = f'{infold}/{dataset_name}-nemo-processed' - infold = f'{infold}/' - - if uncased: - outfold = f'{outfold}-uncased' - - if if_exist(outfold, ['dict.intents.csv', 'dict.slots.csv']): - nemo.logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format(dataset_name, outfold)) - return outfold - - nemo.logging.info(f'Processing {dataset_name} dataset and store at {outfold}') - - os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) - - outfiles = {} - intents_list = {} - slots_list = {} - slots_list_all = {} - - outfiles['dict_intents'] = open(f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv', 'w') - outfiles['dict_slots'] = open(f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv', 'w') - - outfiles['dict_slots'].write('O\n') - slots_list["O"] = 0 - slots_list_all["O"] = 0 - - for mode in modes: - if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv']): - nemo.logging.info(MODE_EXISTS_TMP.format(mode, dataset_name, outfold, mode)) - continue - - if not if_exist(infold, [f'{mode}.tsv']): - nemo.logging.info(f'{mode} mode of {dataset_name}' f' is skipped as it was not found.') - continue - - outfiles[mode] = open(os.path.join(outfold, mode + '.tsv'), 'w') - outfiles[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') - outfiles[mode + '_slots'] = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}_slots.tsv', 'w') - - queries = open(f'{infold}/{mode}.tsv', 'r').readlines() - - for i, query in enumerate(queries): - line_splits = query.strip().split("\t") - if len(line_splits) == 3: - intent_str, slot_tags_str, sentence = line_splits - else: - intent_str, sentence = line_splits - slot_tags_str = "" - - if intent_str not in intents_list: - intents_list[intent_str] = len(intents_list) - outfiles['dict_intents'].write(f'{intent_str}\n') - - if ignore_prev_intent: - start_token = 2 - else: - start_token = 1 - sentence_cld = " ".join(sentence.strip().split()[start_token:-1]) - outfiles[mode].write(f'{sentence_cld}\t' f'{str(intents_list[intent_str])}\n') - - slot_tags_list = [] - if slot_tags_str.strip(): - slot_tags = slot_tags_str.strip().split(",") - for st in slot_tags: - if not st.strip(): - continue - [start_i, end_i, slot_name] = st.strip().split(":") - slot_tags_list.append([int(start_i), int(end_i), slot_name]) - if slot_name not in slots_list: - slots_list[slot_name] = len(slots_list) - slots_list_all[f'B-{slot_name}'] = len(slots_list_all) - slots_list_all[f'I-{slot_name}'] = len(slots_list_all) - outfiles['dict_slots'].write(f'B-{slot_name}\n') - outfiles['dict_slots'].write(f'I-{slot_name}\n') - - slot_tags_list.sort(key=lambda x: x[0]) - slots = [] - processed_index = 0 - for tag_start, tag_end, tag_str in slot_tags_list: - if tag_start > processed_index: - words_list = sentence[processed_index:tag_start].strip().split() - slots.extend([str(slots_list_all['O'])] * len(words_list)) - words_list = sentence[tag_start:tag_end].strip().split() - slots.append(str(slots_list_all[f'B-{tag_str}'])) - slots.extend([str(slots_list_all[f'I-{tag_str}'])] * (len(words_list) - 1)) - processed_index = tag_end - - if processed_index < len(sentence): - words_list = sentence[processed_index:].strip().split() - slots.extend([str(slots_list_all['O'])] * len(words_list)) - - slots = slots[1:-1] - slot = ' '.join(slots) - outfiles[mode + '_slots'].write(slot + '\n') - - outfiles[mode + '_slots'].close() - outfiles[mode].close() - - outfiles['dict_slots'].close() - outfiles['dict_intents'].close() - - return outfold - - -def reverse_dict(entity2value): - value2entity = {} - for entity in entity2value: - for value in entity2value[entity]: - value2entity[value] = entity - return value2entity - - -def map_entities(entity2value, entities): - for key in entities: - if 'data' in entities[key]: - if key not in entity2value: - entity2value[key] = set([]) - - values = [] - for value in entities[key]['data']: - values.append(value['value']) - values.extend(value['synonyms']) - entity2value[key] = entity2value[key] | set(values) - - return entity2value - - -def get_entities(files): - entity2value = {} - for file in files: - with open(file, 'r') as json_file: - data = json.load(json_file) - entity2value = map_entities(entity2value, data['entities']) - - value2entity = reverse_dict(entity2value) - return entity2value, value2entity - - -def get_data(files, entity2value, value2entity): - all_data, all_slots, all_intents = [], set(['O']), set() - for file in files: - file_data = [] - with open(file, 'r') as json_file: - data = json.load(json_file) - for intent in data['intents']: - all_intents.add(intent) - utterances = data['intents'][intent]['utterances'] - for utterance in utterances: - tokens, slots = [], [] - for frag in utterance['data']: - frag_tokens = frag['text'].strip().split() - tokens.extend(frag_tokens) - if 'slot_name' not in frag: - slot = 'O' - else: - slot = frag['slot_name'] - all_slots.add(slot) - slots.extend([slot] * len(frag_tokens)) - file_data.append((tokens, slots, intent)) - all_data.append(file_data) - return all_data, all_slots, all_intents - - -def get_dataset(files, dev_split=0.1): - entity2value, value2entity = get_entities(files) - data, slots, intents = get_data(files, entity2value, value2entity) - if len(data) == 1: - train, dev = partition(data[0], split=dev_split) - else: - train, dev = data[0], data[1] - return train, dev, slots, intents - - -def partition(data, split=0.1): - n = len(data) - n_dev = int(n * split) - dev_idx = set(random.sample(range(n), n_dev)) - dev, train = [], [] - - for i, item in enumerate(data): - if i in dev_idx: - dev.append(item) - else: - train.append(item) - return train, dev - - -def write_data(data, slot_dict, intent_dict, outfold, mode, uncased): - intent_file = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}.tsv', 'w') - intent_file.write('sentence\tlabel\n') - slot_file = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}_slots.tsv', 'w') - for tokens, slots, intent in data: - text = ' '.join(tokens) - if uncased: - text = text.lower() - intent_file.write(f'{text}\t{intent_dict[intent]}\n') - slots = [str(slot_dict[slot]) for slot in slots] - slot_file.write(' '.join(slots) + '\n') - intent_file.close() - slot_file.close() - - -def create_dataset(train, dev, slots, intents, uncased, outfold): - os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) - if 'O' in slots: - slots.remove('O') - slots = sorted(list(slots)) + ['O'] - intents = sorted(list(intents)) - slots = write_vocab(slots, f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') - intents = write_vocab(intents, f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv') - write_data(train, slots, intents, outfold, 'train', uncased) - write_data(dev, slots, intents, outfold, 'test', uncased) - - -def process_snips(data_dir, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dev_split=0.1): - if not os.path.exists(data_dir): - link = 'www.github.com/snipsco/spoken-language' - '-understanding-research-datasets' - raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' 'Resquest to download the SNIPS dataset from {link}.') - - outfold = f'{data_dir}/nemo-processed' - - if uncased: - outfold = f'{outfold}-uncased' - - exist = True - for dataset in ['light', 'speak', 'all']: - if if_exist(f'{outfold}/{dataset}', [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): - nemo.logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('SNIPS-' + dataset.upper(), outfold)) - else: - exist = False - if exist: - return outfold - - nemo.logging.info(f'Processing SNIPS dataset and store at {outfold}') - - os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) - - speak_dir = 'smart-speaker-en-close-field' - light_dir = 'smart-lights-en-close-field' - - light_files = [f'{data_dir}/{light_dir}/dataset.json'] - speak_files = [f'{data_dir}/{speak_dir}/training_dataset.json'] - speak_files.append(f'{data_dir}/{speak_dir}/test_dataset.json') - - light_train, light_dev, light_slots, light_intents = get_dataset(light_files, dev_split) - speak_train, speak_dev, speak_slots, speak_intents = get_dataset(speak_files) - - create_dataset( - light_train, light_dev, light_slots, light_intents, uncased, f'{outfold}/light', - ) - create_dataset( - speak_train, speak_dev, speak_slots, speak_intents, uncased, f'{outfold}/speak', - ) - create_dataset( - light_train + speak_train, - light_dev + speak_dev, - light_slots | speak_slots, - light_intents | speak_intents, - uncased, - f'{outfold}/all', - ) - - return outfold - - -# def list2str(nums): -# return ' '.join([str(num) for num in nums]) - - -def merge(data_dir, subdirs, dataset_name, modes=['train', 'test']): - outfold = f'{data_dir}/{dataset_name}' - if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): - nemo.logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('SNIPS-ATIS', outfold)) - slots = get_vocab(f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') - none_slot = 0 - for key in slots: - if slots[key] == 'O': - none_slot = key - break - return outfold, int(none_slot) - - os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) - - data_files, slot_files = {}, {} - for mode in modes: - data_files[mode] = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}.tsv', 'w') - data_files[mode].write('sentence\tlabel\n') - slot_files[mode] = open(f'{outfold}/{mode}_slots.tsv', 'w') - - intents, slots = {}, {} - intent_shift, slot_shift = 0, 0 - none_intent, none_slot = -1, -1 - - for subdir in subdirs: - curr_intents = get_vocab(f'{data_dir}/{subdir}/dict.intents.csv') - curr_slots = get_vocab(f'{data_dir}/{subdir}/dict.slots.csv') - - for key in curr_intents: - if intent_shift > 0 and curr_intents[key] == 'O': - continue - if curr_intents[key] == 'O' and intent_shift == 0: - none_intent = int(key) - intents[int(key) + intent_shift] = curr_intents[key] - - for key in curr_slots: - if slot_shift > 0 and curr_slots[key] == 'O': - continue - if slot_shift == 0 and curr_slots[key] == 'O': - none_slot = int(key) - slots[int(key) + slot_shift] = curr_slots[key] - - for mode in modes: - with open(f'{data_dir}/{subdir}/{mode}.tsv', 'r') as f: - for line in f.readlines()[1:]: - text, label = line.strip().split('\t') - label = int(label) - if curr_intents[label] == 'O': - label = none_intent - else: - label = label + intent_shift - data_files[mode].write(f'{text}\t{label}\n') - - with open(f'{data_dir}/{subdir}/{mode}_slots.tsv', 'r') as f: - for line in f.readlines(): - labels = [int(label) for label in line.strip().split()] - shifted_labels = [] - for label in labels: - if curr_slots[label] == 'O': - shifted_labels.append(none_slot) - else: - shifted_labels.append(label + slot_shift) - slot_files[mode].write(list2str(shifted_labels) + '\n') - - intent_shift += len(curr_intents) - slot_shift += len(curr_slots) - - write_vocab_in_order(intents, f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv') - write_vocab_in_order(slots, f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') - return outfold, none_slot - - -def get_intent_query_files_dialogflow(path): - fileslist = [] - for root, _, files in os.walk(path): - for file in files: - if '_usersays_en.json' in file: - fileslist.append(os.path.join(root, file)) - return fileslist - - -def get_intents_slots_dialogflow(files, slot_labels): - intent_names = [] - intent_queries = [] - slot_tags = [] - - for index, file in enumerate(files): - intent_names.append(os.path.basename(file).split('_usersays')[0]) - - with open(file) as json_file: - intent_data = json.load(json_file) - for query in intent_data: - query_text = "" - slots = "" - for segment in query['data']: - query_text = ''.join([query_text, segment['text']]) - if 'alias' in segment: - for _ in segment['text'].split(): - slots = ' '.join([slots, slot_labels.get(segment['alias'])]) - else: - for _ in segment['text'].split(): - slots = ' '.join([slots, slot_labels.get('O')]) - query_text = f'{query_text.strip()}\t{index}\n' - intent_queries.append(query_text) - slots = f'{slots.strip()}\n' - slot_tags.append(slots) - return intent_queries, intent_names, slot_tags - - -def get_slots_dialogflow(files): - slot_labels = {} - count = 0 - for file in files: - intent_head_file = ''.join([file.split('_usersays')[0], '.json']) - with open(intent_head_file) as json_file: - intent_meta_data = json.load(json_file) - for params in intent_meta_data['responses'][0]['parameters']: - if params['name'] not in slot_labels: - slot_labels[params['name']] = str(count) - count += 1 - slot_labels['O'] = str(count) - return slot_labels - - -# The following works for the specified DialogFlow and Mturk output format -def partition_data(intent_queries, slot_tags, split=0.1): - n = len(intent_queries) - n_dev = int(n * split) - dev_idx = set(random.sample(range(n), n_dev)) - dev_intents, dev_slots, train_intents, train_slots = [], [], [], [] - - dev_intents.append('sentence\tlabel\n') - train_intents.append('sentence\tlabel\n') - - for i, item in enumerate(intent_queries): - if i in dev_idx: - dev_intents.append(item) - dev_slots.append(slot_tags[i]) - else: - train_intents.append(item) - train_slots.append(slot_tags[i]) - return train_intents, train_slots, dev_intents, dev_slots - - -# The following works for the specified DialogFlow and Mturk output format -def write_files(data, outfile): - with open(outfile, 'w') as f: - for item in data: - item = f'{item.strip()}\n' - f.write(item) - - -def process_dialogflow(data_dir, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dev_split=0.1): - if not os.path.exists(data_dir): - link = 'www.dialogflow.com' - raise ValueError( - f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' 'Export your dialogflow data from' '{link} and unzip at {data_dir}.' - ) - - outfold = f'{data_dir}/dialogflow/nemo-processed' - - '''TO DO - check for nemo-processed directory - already exists. If exists, skip the entire creation steps below. ''' - - os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) - - files = get_intent_query_files_dialogflow(data_dir) - - slot_labels = get_slots_dialogflow(files) - - intent_queries, intent_names, slot_tags = get_intents_slots_dialogflow(files, slot_labels) - - train_queries, train_slots, test_queries, test_slots = partition_data(intent_queries, slot_tags, split=dev_split) - - write_files(train_queries, f'{outfold}/train.tsv') - write_files(train_slots, f'{outfold}/train_slots.tsv') - - write_files(test_queries, f'{outfold}/test.tsv') - write_files(test_slots, f'{outfold}/test_slots.tsv') - - write_files(slot_labels, f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') - write_files(intent_names, f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv') - - return outfold - - -def read_csv(file_path): - rows = [] - with open(file_path, 'r') as csvfile: - read_csv = csv.reader(csvfile, delimiter=',') - for row in read_csv: - rows.append(row) - return rows - - -def get_intents_mturk(utterances, outfold): - intent_names = {} - intent_count = 0 - - agreed_all = {} - - print('Printing all intent_labels') - intent_dict = f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv' - if os.path.exists(intent_dict): - with open(intent_dict, 'r') as f: - for intent_name in f.readlines(): - intent_names[intent_name.strip()] = intent_count - intent_count += 1 - print(intent_names) - - for i, utterance in enumerate(utterances[1:]): - - if utterance[1] not in agreed_all: - agreed_all[utterance[0]] = utterance[1] - - if utterance[1] not in intent_names: - intent_names[utterance[1]] = intent_count - intent_count += 1 - - print(f'Total number of utterance samples: {len(agreed_all)}') - - return agreed_all, intent_names - - -def get_slot_labels(slot_annotations, task_name): - slot_labels = json.loads(slot_annotations[0]) - - all_labels = {} - count = 0 - # Generating labels with the IOB format. - for label in slot_labels[task_name]['annotations']['labels']: - b_slot = 'B-' + label['label'] - i_slot = 'I-' + label['label'] - all_labels[b_slot] = str(count) - count += 1 - all_labels[i_slot] = str(count) - count += 1 - all_labels['O'] = str(count) - - return all_labels - - -def process_intent_slot_mturk(slot_annotations, agreed_all, intent_names, task_name): - slot_tags = [] - inorder_utterances = [] - all_labels = get_slot_labels(slot_annotations, task_name) - print(f'agreed_all - {len(agreed_all)}') - print(f'Slot annotations - {len(slot_annotations)}') - - for annotation in slot_annotations[0:]: - an = json.loads(annotation) - utterance = an['source'] - if len(utterance) > 2 and utterance.startswith('"') and utterance.endswith('"'): - utterance = utterance[1:-1] - - if utterance in agreed_all: - entities = {} - annotated_entities = an[task_name]['annotations']['entities'] - for i, each_anno in enumerate(annotated_entities): - entities[int(each_anno['startOffset'])] = i - - lastptr = 0 - slotlist = [] - # sorting annotations by the start offset - for i in sorted(entities.keys()): - annotated_entities = an[task_name]['annotations']['entities'] - tags = annotated_entities[entities.get(i)] - untagged_words = utterance[lastptr : tags['startOffset']] - for _ in untagged_words.split(): - slotlist.append(all_labels.get('O')) - anno_words = utterance[tags['startOffset'] : tags['endOffset']] - # tagging with the IOB format. - for j, _ in enumerate(anno_words.split()): - if j == 0: - b_slot = 'B-' + tags['label'] - slotlist.append(all_labels.get(b_slot)) - else: - i_slot = 'I-' + tags['label'] - slotlist.append(all_labels.get(i_slot)) - lastptr = tags['endOffset'] - - untagged_words = utterance[lastptr : len(utterance)] - for _ in untagged_words.split(): - slotlist.append(all_labels.get('O')) - - slotstr = ' '.join(slotlist) - slotstr = f'{slotstr.strip()}\n' - - slot_tags.append(slotstr) - intent_num = intent_names.get(agreed_all.get(utterance)) - query_text = f'{utterance.strip()}\t{intent_num}\n' - inorder_utterances.append(query_text) - # else: - # print(utterance) - - print(f'inorder utterances - {len(inorder_utterances)}') - - return all_labels, inorder_utterances, slot_tags - - -def process_mturk(data_dir, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dev_split=0.1): - if not os.path.exists(data_dir): - link = 'www.mturk.com' - raise ValueError( - f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' 'Export your mturk data from' '{link} and unzip at {data_dir}.' - ) - - outfold = f'{data_dir}/nemo-processed' - - if if_exist(outfold, [f'{mode}.tsv' for mode in modes]): - nemo.logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('mturk', outfold)) - return outfold - - nemo.logging.info(f'Processing dataset from mturk and storing at {outfold}') - - os.makedirs(outfold, exist_ok=True) - - classification_data_file = f'{data_dir}/classification.csv' - annotation_data_file = f'{data_dir}/annotation.manifest' - - if not os.path.exists(classification_data_file): - raise FileNotFoundError(f'File not found ' f'at {classification_data_file}') - - if not os.path.exists(annotation_data_file): - raise FileNotFoundError(f'File not found at {annotation_data_file}') - - utterances = [] - utterances = read_csv(classification_data_file) - - # This function assumes that the intent classification data has been - # reviewed and cleaned and only one label per utterance is present. - agreed_all, intent_names = get_intents_mturk(utterances, outfold) - - with open(annotation_data_file, 'r') as f: - slot_annotations = f.readlines() - - # This function assumes that the preprocess step would have made - # the task_name of all the annotations generic - task_name = 'retail-combined' - - # It is assumed that every utterances will have corresponding - # slot annotation information - if len(slot_annotations) < len(agreed_all): - raise ValueError(f'Every utterance must have corresponding' f'slot annotation information') - - slot_labels, intent_queries, slot_tags = process_intent_slot_mturk( - slot_annotations, agreed_all, intent_names, task_name - ) - - assert len(slot_tags) == len(intent_queries) - - dev_split = 0.1 - - train_queries, train_slots, test_queries, test_slots = partition_data(intent_queries, slot_tags, split=dev_split) - - write_files(train_queries, f'{outfold}/train.tsv') - write_files(train_slots, f'{outfold}/train_slots.tsv') - - write_files(test_queries, f'{outfold}/test.tsv') - write_files(test_slots, f'{outfold}/test_slots.tsv') - - write_files(slot_labels, f'{outfold}/dict.slots.csv') - write_files(intent_names, f'{outfold}/dict.intents.csv') - - return outfold - - -# The following works for the DialogFlow and Mturk output format -# def write_files(data, outfile): -# with open(f'{outfile}', 'w') as f: -# for item in data: -# item = f'{item.strip()}\n' -# f.write(item) - - -def calc_class_weights(label_freq): - """ - Goal is to give more weight to the classes with less samples - so as to match the one with the higest frequency. We achieve this by - dividing the highest frequency by the freq of each label. - Example - - [12, 5, 3] -> [12/12, 12/5, 12/3] -> [1, 2.4, 4] - - Here label_freq is assumed to be sorted by the frequency. I.e. - label_freq[0] is the most frequent element. - - """ - - most_common_label_freq = label_freq[0] - weighted_slots = sorted([(index, most_common_label_freq[1] / freq) for (index, freq) in label_freq]) - return [weight for (_, weight) in weighted_slots] - - -class JointIntentSlotDataDesc: - """ Convert the raw data to the standard format supported by - JointIntentSlotDataset. - - By default, the None label for slots is 'O'. - - JointIntentSlotDataset requires two files: - - input_file: file to sequence + label. - the first line is header (sentence [tab] label) - each line should be [sentence][tab][label] - - slot_file: file to slot labels, each line corresponding to - slot labels for a sentence in input_file. No header. - - To keep the mapping from label index to label consistent during - training and inferencing, we require the following files: - dicts.intents.csv: each line is an intent. The first line - corresponding to the 0 intent label, the second line - corresponding to the 1 intent label, and so on. - - dicts.slots.csv: each line is a slot. The first line - corresponding to the 0 slot label, the second line - corresponding to the 1 slot label, and so on. - - Args: - data_dir (str): the directory of the dataset - do_lower_case (bool): whether to set your dataset to lowercase - dataset_name (str): the name of the dataset. If it's a dataset - that follows the standard JointIntentSlotDataset format, - you can set the name as 'default'. - none_slot_label (str): the label for slots that aren't indentified - defaulted to 'O' - pad_label (int): the int used for padding. If set to -1, - it'll be set to the whatever the None label is. - - """ - - def __init__( - self, data_dir, do_lower_case=False, dataset_name='default', none_slot_label='O', pad_label=-1, - ): - if dataset_name == 'atis': - self.data_dir = process_atis(data_dir, do_lower_case) - elif dataset_name == 'snips-atis': - self.data_dir, self.pad_label = merge( - data_dir, ['ATIS/nemo-processed-uncased', 'snips/nemo-processed-uncased/all',], dataset_name, - ) - elif dataset_name == 'dialogflow': - self.data_dir = process_dialogflow(data_dir, do_lower_case) - elif dataset_name == 'mturk-processed': - self.data_dir = process_mturk(data_dir, do_lower_case) - elif dataset_name in set(['snips-light', 'snips-speak', 'snips-all']): - self.data_dir = process_snips(data_dir, do_lower_case) - if dataset_name.endswith('light'): - self.data_dir = f'{self.data_dir}/light' - elif dataset_name.endswith('speak'): - self.data_dir = f'{self.data_dir}/speak' - elif dataset_name.endswith('all'): - self.data_dir = f'{self.data_dir}/all' - elif dataset_name.startswith('jarvis'): - self.data_dir = process_jarvis_datasets( - data_dir, do_lower_case, dataset_name, modes=["train", "test", "eval"], ignore_prev_intent=False, - ) - else: - if not if_exist(data_dir, ['dict.intents.csv', 'dict.slots.csv']): - raise FileNotFoundError( - "Make sure that your data follows the standard format " - "supported by JointIntentSlotDataset. Your data must " - "contain dict.intents.csv and dict.slots.csv." - ) - self.data_dir = data_dir - - self.intent_dict_file = self.data_dir + '/dict.intents.csv' - self.slot_dict_file = self.data_dir + '/dict.slots.csv' - self.num_intents = len(get_vocab(self.intent_dict_file)) - slots = label2idx(self.slot_dict_file) - self.num_slots = len(slots) - - for mode in ['train', 'test', 'eval']: - - if not if_exist(self.data_dir, [f'{mode}.tsv']): - nemo.logging.info(f' Stats calculation for {mode} mode' f' is skipped as {mode}.tsv was not found.') - continue - - slot_file = f'{self.data_dir}/{mode}_slots.tsv' - with open(slot_file, 'r') as f: - slot_lines = f.readlines() - - input_file = f'{self.data_dir}/{mode}.tsv' - with open(input_file, 'r') as f: - input_lines = f.readlines()[1:] # Skipping headers at index 0 - - if len(slot_lines) != len(input_lines): - raise ValueError( - "Make sure that the number of slot lines match the " - "number of intent lines. There should be a 1-1 " - "correspondence between every slot and intent lines." - ) - - dataset = list(zip(slot_lines, input_lines)) - - raw_slots, queries, raw_intents = [], [], [] - for slot_line, input_line in dataset: - slot_list = [int(slot) for slot in slot_line.strip().split()] - raw_slots.append(slot_list) - parts = input_line.strip().split() - raw_intents.append(int(parts[-1])) - queries.append(' '.join(parts[:-1])) - - infold = input_file[: input_file.rfind('/')] - - nemo.logging.info(f'Three most popular intents during {mode}ing') - total_intents, intent_label_freq = get_label_stats(raw_intents, infold + f'/{mode}_intent_stats.tsv') - merged_slots = itertools.chain.from_iterable(raw_slots) - - nemo.logging.info(f'Three most popular slots during {mode}ing') - slots_total, slots_label_freq = get_label_stats(merged_slots, infold + f'/{mode}_slot_stats.tsv') - - if mode == 'train': - self.slot_weights = calc_class_weights(slots_label_freq) - nemo.logging.info(f'Slot weights are - {self.slot_weights}') - - self.intent_weights = calc_class_weights(intent_label_freq) - nemo.logging.info(f'Intent weights are - {self.intent_weights}') - - nemo.logging.info(f'Total intents - {total_intents}') - nemo.logging.info(f'Intent label frequency - {intent_label_freq}') - nemo.logging.info(f'Total Slots - {slots_total}') - nemo.logging.info(f'Slots label frequency - {slots_label_freq}') - - if pad_label != -1: - self.pad_label = pad_label - else: - if none_slot_label not in slots: - raise ValueError(f'none_slot_label {none_slot_label} not ' f'found in {self.slot_dict_file}.') - self.pad_label = slots[none_slot_label] - - -class SentenceClassificationDataDesc: - def __init__(self, dataset_name, data_dir, do_lower_case): - if dataset_name == 'sst-2': - self.data_dir = process_sst_2(data_dir) - self.num_labels = 2 - self.eval_file = self.data_dir + '/dev.tsv' - elif dataset_name == 'imdb': - self.num_labels = 2 - self.data_dir = process_imdb(data_dir, do_lower_case) - self.eval_file = self.data_dir + '/test.tsv' - elif dataset_name == 'thucnews': - self.num_labels = 14 - self.data_dir = process_thucnews(data_dir) - self.eval_file = self.data_dir + '/test.tsv' - elif dataset_name.startswith('nlu-'): - if dataset_name.endswith('chat'): - self.data_dir = f'{data_dir}/ChatbotCorpus.json' - self.num_labels = 2 - elif dataset_name.endswith('ubuntu'): - self.data_dir = f'{data_dir}/AskUbuntuCorpus.json' - self.num_labels = 5 - elif dataset_name.endswith('web'): - data_dir = f'{data_dir}/WebApplicationsCorpus.json' - self.num_labels = 8 - self.data_dir = process_nlu(data_dir, do_lower_case, dataset_name=dataset_name) - self.eval_file = self.data_dir + '/test.tsv' - elif dataset_name.startswith('jarvis'): - self.data_dir = process_jarvis_datasets( - data_dir, do_lower_case, dataset_name, modes=['train', 'test', 'eval'], ignore_prev_intent=False, - ) - - intents = get_intent_labels(f'{self.data_dir}/dict.intents.csv') - self.num_labels = len(intents) - else: - raise ValueError( - "Looks like you passed a dataset name that isn't " - "already supported by NeMo. Please make sure " - "that you build the preprocessing method for it." - ) - - self.train_file = self.data_dir + '/train.tsv' - - for mode in ['train', 'test', 'eval']: - - if not if_exist(self.data_dir, [f'{mode}.tsv']): - nemo.logging.info(f' Stats calculation for {mode} mode' f' is skipped as {mode}.tsv was not found.') - continue - - input_file = f'{self.data_dir}/{mode}.tsv' - with open(input_file, 'r') as f: - input_lines = f.readlines()[1:] # Skipping headers at index 0 - - queries, raw_sentences = [], [] - for input_line in input_lines: - parts = input_line.strip().split() - raw_sentences.append(int(parts[-1])) - queries.append(' '.join(parts[:-1])) - - infold = input_file[: input_file.rfind('/')] - - nemo.logging.info(f'Three most popular classes during {mode}ing') - total_sents, sent_label_freq = get_label_stats(raw_sentences, infold + f'/{mode}_sentence_stats.tsv') - - if mode == 'train': - self.class_weights = calc_class_weights(sent_label_freq) - nemo.logging.info(f'Class weights are - {self.class_weights}') - - nemo.logging.info(f'Total Sentences - {total_sents}') - nemo.logging.info(f'Sentence class frequencies - {sent_label_freq}') - - -def create_vocab_lm(data_dir, do_lower_case): - if if_exist(data_dir, ['train.txt', 'vocab.txt']): - nemo.logging.info("Vocabulary has been created.") - with open(os.path.join(data_dir, 'vocab.txt'), 'r') as f: - vocab_size = len(f.readlines()) - return vocab_size - - nemo.logging.info(f'Creating vocabulary from training data at {data_dir}') - - with open(f'{data_dir}/train.txt', 'r') as f: - txt = f.read() - if do_lower_case: - txt = txt.lower() - lines = re.split(r'[\n]', txt) - sentences = [line.strip().split() for line in lines if line.strip()] - - vocab = {"[PAD]": 0, "[SEP]": 1, "[CLS]": 2, "[MASK]": 3} - idx = 4 - for sentence in sentences: - for word in sentence: - if word not in vocab: - vocab[word] = idx - idx += 1 - - with open(f'{data_dir}/vocab.txt', 'w') as f: - for word in sorted(vocab.keys()): - f.write(word + '\n') - nemo.logging.info(f"Created vocabulary of size {len(vocab)}") - - return len(vocab) - - -def download_wkt2(data_dir): - os.makedirs('data/lm', exist_ok=True) - nemo.logging.warning(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' f'Downloading wikitext-2 to data/lm') - data_dir = 'data/lm/wikitext-2' - subprocess.call('scripts/get_wkt2.sh') - return data_dir - - -class LanguageModelDataDesc: - def __init__(self, dataset_name, data_dir, do_lower_case): - if dataset_name == 'wikitext-2': - if not os.path.exists(data_dir): - data_dir = download_wkt2(data_dir) - self.vocab_size = create_vocab_lm(data_dir, do_lower_case) - self.data_dir = data_dir - else: - nemo.logging.warning( - "Looks like you passed a dataset name that isn't " - "already supported by NeMo. Please make sure that " - "you build the preprocessing method for it." - ) - - -def create_vocab_mlm( - data_dir, vocab_size, sample_size, special_tokens=['[PAD]', '[UNK]', '[CLS]', '[SEP]', '[MASK]'], train_file='', -): - vocab = special_tokens[:] - bert_dir = f'{data_dir}/bert' - if if_exist(bert_dir, ['tokenizer.model']): - nemo.logging.info(DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP.format('WikiText_BERT', bert_dir)) - return data_dir, f'{bert_dir}/tokenizer.model' - nemo.logging.info(f'Processing WikiText dataset and store at {bert_dir}') - os.makedirs(bert_dir, exist_ok=True) - - if not train_file: - files = glob.glob(f'{data_dir}/*.txt') - train_file = f'{bert_dir}/merged.txt' - nemo.logging.info(f"Merging {len(files)} txt files into {train_file}") - - with open(train_file, "w") as merged: - for file in tqdm(files): - with open(file, 'r') as inf: - content = inf.read().strip() - merged.write(content + '\n\n\n') - else: - train_file = f'{data_dir}/{train_file}' - - cmd = ( - f"--input={train_file} --model_prefix={bert_dir}/tokenizer " - f"--vocab_size={vocab_size - len(vocab)} " - f"--input_sentence_size={sample_size} " - f"--shuffle_input_sentence=true --hard_vocab_limit=false " - f"--bos_id=-1 --eos_id=-1" - ) - SPT.Train(cmd) - - # Add BERT control symbols - tokens = [] - - with open(f"{bert_dir}/tokenizer.vocab", "r") as f: - f.readline() # skip first token - - # Read tokens from each line and parse for vocab - for line in f: - piece = line.split("\t")[0] - token = piece[1:] if piece.startswith("▁") else f"##{piece}" - tokens.append(token) - - vocab.extend(tokens) - - # Save vocabulary to output file - with open(f'{bert_dir}/vocab.txt', "w") as f: - for token in vocab: - f.write(f"{token}\n".format()) - return data_dir, f'{bert_dir}/tokenizer.model' - - -class BERTPretrainingDataDesc: - def __init__( - self, dataset_name, data_dir, vocab_size, sample_size, special_tokens, train_file='', - ): - if dataset_name == 'wikitext-2': - if not os.path.exists(data_dir): - data_dir = download_wkt2(data_dir) - self.data_dir, self.tokenizer_model = create_vocab_mlm( - data_dir, vocab_size, sample_size, special_tokens, train_file - ) - else: - nemo.logging.warning( - "Looks like you passed a dataset name that isn't " - "already supported by NeMo. Please make sure that " - "you build the preprocessing method for it." - ) - - self.train_file = f'{data_dir}/train.txt' - self.eval_file = f'{data_dir}/valid.txt' - self.test_file = f'{data_dir}/test.txt' - - -""" -Utility functions for GLUE tasks -This code was adapted from the HuggingFace library at -https://github.com/huggingface/transformers -""" - - -class InputExample(object): - """A single training/test example for simple sequence classification.""" - - def __init__(self, guid, text_a, text_b=None, label=None): - """Constructs a InputExample. - - Args: - guid: Unique id for the example. - text_a: string. The untokenized text of the first sequence. - For single sequence tasks, only this sequence must be specified. - text_b: (Optional) string. The untokenized text of the second - sequence. Only must be specified for sequence pair tasks. - label: (Optional) string. The label of the example. This should be - specified for train and dev examples, but not for test examples. - """ - self.guid = guid - self.text_a = text_a - self.text_b = text_b - self.label = label - - -class DataProcessor(object): - """Base class for data converters for sequence classification data sets.""" - - def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): - """Gets a collection of `InputExample`s for the train set.""" - raise NotImplementedError() - - def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): - """Gets a collection of `InputExample`s for the dev set.""" - raise NotImplementedError() - - def get_labels(self): - """Gets the list of labels for this data set.""" - raise NotImplementedError() - - @classmethod - def _read_tsv(cls, input_file, quotechar=None): - """Reads a tab separated value file.""" - with open(input_file, "r", encoding="utf-8-sig") as f: - reader = csv.reader(f, delimiter="\t", quotechar=quotechar) - lines = [] - for line in reader: - # if sys.version_info[0] == 2: - # line = list(unicode(cell, 'utf-8') for cell in line) - lines.append(line) - return lines - - -class MrpcProcessor(DataProcessor): - """Processor for the MRPC data set (GLUE version).""" - - def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - nemo.logging.info(f'LOOKING AT {os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")}') - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") - - def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") - - def get_labels(self): - """See base class.""" - return ["0", "1"] - - def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): - """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" - examples = [] - for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): - if i == 0: - continue - guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, i) - text_a = line[3] - text_b = line[4] - label = line[0] - examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) - return examples - - -class MnliProcessor(DataProcessor): - """Processor for the MultiNLI data set (GLUE version).""" - - def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") - - def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev_matched.tsv")), "dev_matched",) - - def get_labels(self): - """See base class.""" - return ["contradiction", "entailment", "neutral"] - - def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): - """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" - examples = [] - for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): - if i == 0: - continue - guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) - text_a = line[8] - text_b = line[9] - label = line[-1] - examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) - return examples - - -class MnliMismatchedProcessor(MnliProcessor): - """Processor for the MultiNLI Mismatched data set (GLUE version).""" - - def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev_mismatched.tsv")), "dev_matched",) - - -class ColaProcessor(DataProcessor): - """Processor for the CoLA data set (GLUE version).""" - - def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") - - def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") - - def get_labels(self): - """See base class.""" - return ["0", "1"] - - def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): - """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" - examples = [] - for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): - guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, i) - text_a = line[3] - label = line[1] - examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=None, label=label)) - return examples - - -class Sst2Processor(DataProcessor): - """Processor for the SST-2 data set (GLUE version).""" - - def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") - - def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") - - def get_labels(self): - """See base class.""" - return ["0", "1"] - - def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): - """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" - examples = [] - for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): - if i == 0: - continue - guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, i) - text_a = line[0] - label = line[1] - examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=None, label=label)) - return examples - - -class StsbProcessor(DataProcessor): - """Processor for the STS-B data set (GLUE version).""" - - def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") - - def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") - - def get_labels(self): - """See base class.""" - return [None] - - def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): - """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" - examples = [] - for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): - if i == 0: - continue - guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) - text_a = line[7] - text_b = line[8] - label = line[-1] - examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) - return examples - - -class QqpProcessor(DataProcessor): - """Processor for the QQP data set (GLUE version).""" - - def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") - - def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") - - def get_labels(self): - """See base class.""" - return ["0", "1"] - - def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): - """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" - examples = [] - for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): - if i == 0: - continue - guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) - try: - text_a = line[3] - text_b = line[4] - label = line[5] - except IndexError: - continue - examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) - return examples - - -class QnliProcessor(DataProcessor): - """Processor for the QNLI data set (GLUE version).""" - - def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") - - def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev_matched") - - def get_labels(self): - """See base class.""" - return ["entailment", "not_entailment"] - - def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): - """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" - examples = [] - for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): - if i == 0: - continue - guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) - text_a = line[1] - text_b = line[2] - label = line[-1] - examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) - return examples - - -class RteProcessor(DataProcessor): - """Processor for the RTE data set (GLUE version).""" - - def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") - - def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") - - def get_labels(self): - """See base class.""" - return ["entailment", "not_entailment"] - - def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): - """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" - examples = [] - for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): - if i == 0: - continue - guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) - text_a = line[1] - text_b = line[2] - label = line[-1] - examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) - return examples - - -class WnliProcessor(DataProcessor): - """Processor for the WNLI data set (GLUE version).""" - - def get_train_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "train.tsv")), "train") - - def get_dev_examples(self, data_dir): - """See base class.""" - return self._create_examples(self._read_tsv(os.path.join(data_dir, "dev.tsv")), "dev") - - def get_labels(self): - """See base class.""" - return ["0", "1"] - - def _create_examples(self, lines, set_type): - """Creates examples for the training and dev sets.""" - examples = [] - for (i, line) in enumerate(lines): - if i == 0: - continue - guid = "%s-%s" % (set_type, line[0]) - text_a = line[1] - text_b = line[2] - label = line[-1] - examples.append(InputExample(guid=guid, text_a=text_a, text_b=text_b, label=label)) - return examples - - -processors = { - "cola": ColaProcessor, - "mnli": MnliProcessor, - "mnli-mm": MnliMismatchedProcessor, - "mrpc": MrpcProcessor, - "sst-2": Sst2Processor, - "sts-b": StsbProcessor, - "qqp": QqpProcessor, - "qnli": QnliProcessor, - "rte": RteProcessor, - "wnli": WnliProcessor, -} - -output_modes = { - "cola": "classification", - "mnli": "classification", - "mnli-mm": "classification", - "mrpc": "classification", - "sst-2": "classification", - "sts-b": "regression", - "qqp": "classification", - "qnli": "classification", - "rte": "classification", - "wnli": "classification", -} - -GLUE_TASKS_NUM_LABELS = { - "cola": 2, - "mnli": 3, - "mrpc": 2, - "sst-2": 2, - "sts-b": 1, - "qqp": 2, - "qnli": 2, - "rte": 2, - "wnli": 2, -} diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/decoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/decoders.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py diff --git a/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py similarity index 95% rename from scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py index f9602216e307..71897ecaef79 100644 --- a/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py @@ -15,6 +15,8 @@ import argparse import os +from nemo import logging + def __convert_data(in_file, out_text, out_labels): """ @@ -63,9 +65,9 @@ def __convert_data(in_file, out_text, out_labels): "-NER/tree/master/data." ) - print(f'Processing {dataset}') + logging.info(f'Processing {dataset}') out_text = os.path.join(args.data_dir, 'text_' + dataset) out_labels = os.path.join(args.data_dir, 'labels_' + dataset) __convert_data(file_path, out_text, out_labels) - print(f'Processing of the {dataset} is complete') + logging.info(f'Processing of the {dataset} is complete') diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/download_squad.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_squad.py similarity index 82% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/download_squad.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_squad.py index 80c4739e7b62..4601557ca736 100755 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/download_squad.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_squad.py @@ -15,6 +15,8 @@ import os import urllib.request +from nemo import logging + class SquadDownloader: def __init__(self, save_path): @@ -32,12 +34,8 @@ def __init__(self, save_path): self.download_urls = { 'https://rajpurkar.github.io/SQuAD-explorer' '/dataset/train-v1.1.json': 'v1.1/train-v1.1.json', 'https://rajpurkar.github.io/SQuAD-explorer' '/dataset/dev-v1.1.json': 'v1.1/dev-v1.1.json', - 'https://worksheets.codalab.org/rest/bundles' - '/0xbcd57bee090b421c982906709c8c27e1/contents/blob/': 'v1.1/evaluate-v1.1.py', 'https://rajpurkar.github.io/SQuAD-explorer' '/dataset/train-v2.0.json': 'v2.0/train-v2.0.json', 'https://rajpurkar.github.io/SQuAD-explorer' '/dataset/dev-v2.0.json': 'v2.0/dev-v2.0.json', - 'https://worksheets.codalab.org/rest/bundles' - '/0x6b567e1cf2e041ec80d7098f031c5c9e/contents/blob/': 'v2.0/evaluate-v2.0.py', } def download(self): @@ -45,9 +43,9 @@ def download(self): url = item file = self.download_urls[item] - print('Downloading:', url) + logging.info('Downloading:', url) if os.path.isfile(self.save_path + '/' + file): - print('** Download file already exists, skipping download') + logging.info('** Download file already exists, skipping download') else: response = urllib.request.urlopen(url) with open(self.save_path + '/' + file, "wb") as handle: @@ -61,8 +59,9 @@ def download(self): type=str, required=False, help='directory to store data', - default=os.path.split(os.path.abspath(__file__))[0] + '/../data/lm', + default=os.path.split(os.path.abspath(__file__))[0] + '../../../../../../examples/data/lm', ) args = parser.parse_args() + logging.info(args.destDir) squad_dl = SquadDownloader(args.destDir) squad_dl.download() diff --git a/scripts/get_tatoeba_data.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py similarity index 89% rename from scripts/get_tatoeba_data.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py index e714c3ee43a3..958516422069 100644 --- a/scripts/get_tatoeba_data.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py @@ -18,7 +18,8 @@ import re import string import urllib.request -from collections import Counter + +from nemo import logging URL = {'tatoeba': 'https://downloads.tatoeba.org/exports/sentences.csv'} @@ -33,8 +34,8 @@ def __maybe_download_file(destination: str, source: str): """ source = URL[source] if not os.path.exists(destination): - print(f'Downloading {source}') - print( + logging.info(f'Downloading {source}') + logging.info( f'Downloading could take a long time ' + 'To get the data faster consider running in a terminal:\n' + 'wget https://downloads.tatoeba.org/exports/sentences.csv\n' @@ -181,18 +182,12 @@ def __delete_file(file_to_del): parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='Prepare tatoeba dataset') parser.add_argument("--data_dir", required=True, type=str) parser.add_argument("--dataset", default='tatoeba', type=str) + parser.add_argument("--num_samples", default=-1, type=int, help='-1 to use the whole dataset') + parser.add_argument("--percent_to_cut", default=0, type=float, help='Percent of sentences to cut in the middle') parser.add_argument( - "--num_samples", default=-1, type=int, help='-1 to use the whole dataset', - ) - parser.add_argument( - "--percent_to_cut", default=0, type=float, help='Percent of sentences to cut in the middle', - ) - parser.add_argument( - "--num_lines_to_combine", default=1, type=int, help='Number of lines to combine into single example', - ) - parser.add_argument( - "--percent_dev", default=0.2, type=float, help='Size of the dev set, float', + "--num_lines_to_combine", default=1, type=int, help='Number of lines to combine into single example' ) + parser.add_argument("--percent_dev", default=0.2, type=float, help='Size of the dev set, float') parser.add_argument("--clean_dir", action='store_true') args = parser.parse_args() @@ -202,30 +197,32 @@ def __delete_file(file_to_del): if args.dataset != 'tatoeba': raise ValueError("Unsupported dataset.") - print(f'Downloading tatoeba dataset') + logging.info(f'Downloading tatoeba dataset') tatoeba_dataset = os.path.join(args.data_dir, 'sentences.csv') __maybe_download_file(tatoeba_dataset, args.dataset) - print(f'Processing English sentences...') + logging.info(f'Processing English sentences...') clean_eng_sentences = os.path.join(args.data_dir, 'clean_eng_sentences.txt') __process_english_sentences( - tatoeba_dataset, clean_eng_sentences, args.percent_to_cut, args.num_lines_to_combine, args.num_samples, + tatoeba_dataset, clean_eng_sentences, args.percent_to_cut, args.num_lines_to_combine, args.num_samples ) train_file = os.path.join(args.data_dir, 'train.txt') dev_file = os.path.join(args.data_dir, 'dev.txt') - print(f'Splitting the {args.dataset} dataset into train and dev sets' + ' and creating labels and text files') + logging.info( + f'Splitting the {args.dataset} dataset into train and dev sets' + ' and creating labels and text files' + ) __split_into_train_dev(clean_eng_sentences, train_file, dev_file, args.percent_dev) - print(f'Creating text and label files for training') + logging.info(f'Creating text and label files for training') __create_text_and_labels(args.data_dir, 'train.txt') __create_text_and_labels(args.data_dir, 'dev.txt') if args.clean_dir: - print(f'Cleaning up {args.data_dir}') + logging.info(f'Cleaning up {args.data_dir}') __delete_file(clean_eng_sentences) __delete_file(tatoeba_dataset) __delete_file(train_file) __delete_file(dev_file) - print(f'Processing of the {args.dataset} is complete') + logging.info(f'Processing of the {args.dataset} is complete') diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py index 610f5cb19f90..120477624e84 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.bert_tokenizer import NemoBertTokenizer from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.char_tokenizer import CharTokenizer from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.gpt2_tokenizer import NemoGPT2Tokenizer -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.spc_tokenizer import SentencePieceTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.sentencepiece_tokenizer import SentencePieceTokenizer from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.word_tokenizer import WordTokenizer -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.yttm_tokenizer import YouTokenToMeTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.youtokentome_tokenizer import YouTokenToMeTokenizer diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py index af27cb65147f..8dba1571a986 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ +__all__ = ['NemoBertTokenizer'] import re from transformers import BertTokenizer diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py index 3043fe2bfeb0..9d7335cf6bf0 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ +__all__ = ['CharTokenizer'] from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/fairseq_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py similarity index 98% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/fairseq_tokenizer.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py index f6bfdfad9473..578a3823e62f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/fairseq_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py @@ -3,6 +3,8 @@ master/PyTorch/Translation/Transformer/fairseq/tokenizer.py """ +__all__ = ['get_unicode_categories', 'tokenize_en'] + import re import sys import unicodedata diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py index 3542827b2121..85dc3a02fc7b 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ +__all__ = ['NemoGPT2Tokenizer'] from transformers import GPT2Tokenizer from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/spc_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py similarity index 98% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/spc_tokenizer.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py index fbaaede3d13b..8405526e4794 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/spc_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ +__all__ = ['SentencePieceTokenizer'] import sentencepiece as spm from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py index eeadf617c189..3d0c5d257d8f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ +__all__ = ['TokenizerSpec'] from abc import ABC, abstractmethod from typing import List diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py index a868aff11240..ee1b847537e0 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ +__all__ = ['WordTokenizer'] from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/yttm_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py similarity index 97% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/yttm_tokenizer.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py index dcd837abe507..91135a899ff1 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/yttm_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ +__all__ = ['YouTokenToMeTokenizer'] import youtokentome as yttm from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/utils.py deleted file mode 100644 index 1119f48a91aa..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/utils.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,125 +0,0 @@ -import os -import pickle -import re -import string - -import numpy as np - -import nemo - - -def dataset_to_ids(dataset, tokenizer, cache_ids=False, add_bos_eos=True): - """ - Reads dataset from file line by line, tokenizes each line with tokenizer, - and returns list of lists which corresponds to ids of tokenized strings. - - Args: - dataset: path to dataset - tokenizer: tokenizer to convert text into ids - cache_ids: if True, ids are saved to disk as pickle file - with similar name (e.g., data.txt --> data.txt.pkl) - add_bos_eos: bool, whether to add and symbols (e.g., for NMT) - Returns: - ids: list of ids which correspond to tokenized strings of the dataset - """ - - cached_ids_dataset = dataset + str(".pkl") - if os.path.isfile(cached_ids_dataset): - nemo.logging.info("Loading cached tokenized dataset ...") - ids = pickle.load(open(cached_ids_dataset, "rb")) - else: - nemo.logging.info("Tokenizing dataset ...") - data = open(dataset, "rb").readlines() - ids = [] - for sentence in data: - sent_ids = tokenizer.text_to_ids(sentence.decode("utf-8")) - if add_bos_eos: - sent_ids = [tokenizer.bos_id()] + sent_ids + [tokenizer.eos_id()] - ids.append(sent_ids) - if cache_ids: - nemo.logging.info("Caching tokenized dataset ...") - pickle.dump(ids, open(cached_ids_dataset, "wb")) - return ids - - -def clean_src_and_target( - src_ids, tgt_ids, max_tokens=128, min_tokens=3, max_tokens_diff=25, max_tokens_ratio=2.5, -): - """ - Cleans source and target sentences to get rid of noisy data. - Specifically, a pair of sentences is removed if - -- either source or target is longer than *max_tokens* - -- either source or target is shorter than *min_tokens* - -- absolute difference between source and target is larger than - *max_tokens_diff* - -- one sentence is *max_tokens_ratio* times longer than the other - """ - - if len(src_ids) != len(tgt_ids): - raise ValueError("Source and target corpora have different lengths!") - src_ids_, tgt_ids_ = [], [] - for i in range(len(src_ids)): - src_len, tgt_len = len(src_ids[i]), len(tgt_ids[i]) - if ( - src_len > max_tokens - or tgt_len > max_tokens - or src_len < min_tokens - or tgt_len < min_tokens - or (src_ids[i] == tgt_ids[i]) - or np.abs(src_len - tgt_len) > max_tokens_diff - ): - continue - ratio = max(src_len - 2, 1) / max(tgt_len - 2, 1) - if ratio > max_tokens_ratio or ratio < (1 / max_tokens_ratio): - continue - src_ids_.append(src_ids[i]) - tgt_ids_.append(tgt_ids[i]) - return src_ids_, tgt_ids_ - - -def remove_punctuation_from_sentence(sentence): - sentence = re.sub('[' + string.punctuation + ']', '', sentence) - sentence = sentence.lower() - return sentence - - -def check_is_max_context(doc_spans, cur_span_index, position): - """Check if this is the 'max context' doc span for the token. - - Because of the sliding window approach taken to scoring documents, - a single token can appear in multiple documents. - - Example: - Doc: the man went to the store and bought a gallon of milk - Span A: the man went to the - Span B: to the store and bought - Span C: and bought a gallon of - ... - - Now the word 'bought' will have two scores from spans B and C. We only - want to consider the score with "maximum context", which we define as - the *minimum* of its left and right context (the *sum* of left and - right context will always be the same, of course). - - In the example the maximum context for 'bought' would be span C since - it has 1 left context and 3 right context, while span B has 4 left context - and 0 right context. - - Code adapted from the code by the Google AI and HuggingFace. - """ - best_score = None - best_span_index = None - for (span_index, doc_span) in enumerate(doc_spans): - end = doc_span.start + doc_span.length - 1 - if position < doc_span.start: - continue - if position > end: - continue - num_left_context = position - doc_span.start - num_right_context = end - position - score = min(num_left_context, num_right_context) + 0.01 * doc_span.length - if best_score is None or score > best_score: - best_score = score - best_span_index = span_index - - return cur_span_index == best_span_index diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py index e69de29bb2d1..4ea6c671bf34 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1 @@ +from nemo.collections.nlp.metrics.bleu import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py index 04e67d1788d6..543155500700 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py @@ -18,23 +18,11 @@ Chin-Yew Lin, Franz Josef Och. ORANGE: a method for evaluating automatic evaluation metrics for machine translation. COLING 2004. """ - +__all__ = ['compute_bleu'] import collections import math -def compound_split(segment): - segment = segment.replace(".", " . ") - segment = segment.replace(",", " , ") - segment = segment.replace(":", " : ") - segment = segment.replace("!", " ! ") - segment = segment.replace("?", " ? ") - segment = segment.replace("-", " ##AT##-##AT## ") - segment = segment.replace("\"", " "e ") - segment = segment.replace("%", " % ") - return segment.split() - - def _get_ngrams(segment, max_order): """Extracts all n-grams upto a given maximum order from an input segment. Args: @@ -117,11 +105,4 @@ def compute_bleu(reference_corpus, translation_corpus, max_order=4, smooth=False precisions = [p * 100 for p in precisions] - return ( - bleu * 100, - precisions, - bp, - ratio, - translation_length, - reference_length, - ) + return (bleu * 100, precisions, bp, ratio, translation_length, reference_length) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py index e3c730ed6a70..586b19bf2d30 100755 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/sacrebleu.py @@ -37,7 +37,7 @@ from typing import Iterable, List, Tuple, Union from nemo import logging -from nemo.collections.nlp.metrics.fairseq_tokenizer import tokenize_en +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.fairseq_tokenizer import tokenize_en VERSION = '1.3.5' @@ -117,10 +117,10 @@ '\n publisher = "Association for Computational Linguistics",\n pages = "543--553",' '\n location = "Brussels, Belgium",\n url = "http://aclweb.org/anthology/D18-1050"\n}', 'md5': ['8ce1831ac584979ba8cdcd9d4be43e1d'], - 'en-fr': ['1:MTNT/valid/valid.en-fr.tsv', '2:MTNT/valid/valid.en-fr.tsv',], - 'fr-en': ['1:MTNT/valid/valid.fr-en.tsv', '2:MTNT/valid/valid.fr-en.tsv',], - 'en-ja': ['1:MTNT/valid/valid.en-ja.tsv', '2:MTNT/valid/valid.en-ja.tsv',], - 'ja-en': ['1:MTNT/valid/valid.ja-en.tsv', '2:MTNT/valid/valid.ja-en.tsv',], + 'en-fr': ['1:MTNT/valid/valid.en-fr.tsv', '2:MTNT/valid/valid.en-fr.tsv'], + 'fr-en': ['1:MTNT/valid/valid.fr-en.tsv', '2:MTNT/valid/valid.fr-en.tsv'], + 'en-ja': ['1:MTNT/valid/valid.en-ja.tsv', '2:MTNT/valid/valid.en-ja.tsv'], + 'ja-en': ['1:MTNT/valid/valid.ja-en.tsv', '2:MTNT/valid/valid.ja-en.tsv'], }, 'mtnt1.1/train': { 'data': ['https://github.com/pmichel31415/mtnt/releases/download/v1.1/MTNT.1.1.tar.gz'], @@ -132,44 +132,44 @@ '\n publisher = "Association for Computational Linguistics",\n pages = "543--553",' '\n location = "Brussels, Belgium",\n url = "http://aclweb.org/anthology/D18-1050"\n}', 'md5': ['8ce1831ac584979ba8cdcd9d4be43e1d'], - 'en-fr': ['1:MTNT/train/train.en-fr.tsv', '2:MTNT/train/train.en-fr.tsv',], - 'fr-en': ['1:MTNT/train/train.fr-en.tsv', '2:MTNT/train/train.fr-en.tsv',], - 'en-ja': ['1:MTNT/train/train.en-ja.tsv', '2:MTNT/train/train.en-ja.tsv',], - 'ja-en': ['1:MTNT/train/train.ja-en.tsv', '2:MTNT/train/train.ja-en.tsv',], + 'en-fr': ['1:MTNT/train/train.en-fr.tsv', '2:MTNT/train/train.en-fr.tsv'], + 'fr-en': ['1:MTNT/train/train.fr-en.tsv', '2:MTNT/train/train.fr-en.tsv'], + 'en-ja': ['1:MTNT/train/train.en-ja.tsv', '2:MTNT/train/train.en-ja.tsv'], + 'ja-en': ['1:MTNT/train/train.ja-en.tsv', '2:MTNT/train/train.ja-en.tsv'], }, 'wmt19': { 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt19/translation-task/test.tgz'], 'md5': ['84de7162d158e28403103b01aeefc39a'], - 'cs-de': ['sgm/newstest2019-csde-src.cs.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-csde-ref.de.sgm',], - 'de-cs': ['sgm/newstest2019-decs-src.de.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-decs-ref.cs.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-deen-src.de.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-deen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'de-fr': ['sgm/newstest2019-defr-src.de.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-defr-ref.fr.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['sgm/newstest2019-encs-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-encs-ref.cs.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['sgm/newstest2019-ende-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-ende-ref.de.sgm',], - 'en-fi': ['sgm/newstest2019-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-enfi-ref.fi.sgm',], - 'en-gu': ['sgm/newstest2019-engu-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-engu-ref.gu.sgm',], - 'en-kk': ['sgm/newstest2019-enkk-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-enkk-ref.kk.sgm',], - 'en-lt': ['sgm/newstest2019-enlt-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-enlt-ref.lt.sgm',], - 'en-ru': ['sgm/newstest2019-enru-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-enru-ref.ru.sgm',], - 'en-zh': ['sgm/newstest2019-enzh-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-enzh-ref.zh.sgm',], - 'fi-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-fien-src.fi.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-fien-ref.en.sgm',], - 'fr-de': ['sgm/newstest2019-frde-src.fr.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-frde-ref.de.sgm',], - 'gu-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-guen-src.gu.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-guen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'kk-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-kken-src.kk.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-kken-ref.en.sgm',], - 'lt-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-lten-src.lt.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-lten-ref.en.sgm',], - 'ru-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-ruen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'zh-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-zhen-src.zh.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-zhen-ref.en.sgm',], + 'cs-de': ['sgm/newstest2019-csde-src.cs.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-csde-ref.de.sgm'], + 'de-cs': ['sgm/newstest2019-decs-src.de.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-decs-ref.cs.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-deen-src.de.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-deen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'de-fr': ['sgm/newstest2019-defr-src.de.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-defr-ref.fr.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['sgm/newstest2019-encs-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-encs-ref.cs.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['sgm/newstest2019-ende-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-ende-ref.de.sgm'], + 'en-fi': ['sgm/newstest2019-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-enfi-ref.fi.sgm'], + 'en-gu': ['sgm/newstest2019-engu-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-engu-ref.gu.sgm'], + 'en-kk': ['sgm/newstest2019-enkk-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-enkk-ref.kk.sgm'], + 'en-lt': ['sgm/newstest2019-enlt-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-enlt-ref.lt.sgm'], + 'en-ru': ['sgm/newstest2019-enru-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-enru-ref.ru.sgm'], + 'en-zh': ['sgm/newstest2019-enzh-src.en.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-enzh-ref.zh.sgm'], + 'fi-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-fien-src.fi.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-fien-ref.en.sgm'], + 'fr-de': ['sgm/newstest2019-frde-src.fr.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-frde-ref.de.sgm'], + 'gu-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-guen-src.gu.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-guen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'kk-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-kken-src.kk.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-kken-ref.en.sgm'], + 'lt-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-lten-src.lt.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-lten-ref.en.sgm'], + 'ru-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-ruen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'zh-en': ['sgm/newstest2019-zhen-src.zh.sgm', 'sgm/newstest2019-zhen-ref.en.sgm'], }, 'wmt19/dev': { 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt19/translation-task/dev.tgz'], 'description': 'Development data for tasks new to 2019.', 'md5': ['f2ec7af5947c19e0cacb3882eb208002'], - 'lt-en': ['dev/newsdev2019-lten-src.lt.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-lten-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-lt': ['dev/newsdev2019-enlt-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-enlt-ref.lt.sgm',], - 'gu-en': ['dev/newsdev2019-guen-src.gu.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-guen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-gu': ['dev/newsdev2019-engu-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-engu-ref.gu.sgm',], - 'kk-en': ['dev/newsdev2019-kken-src.kk.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-kken-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-kk': ['dev/newsdev2019-enkk-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-enkk-ref.kk.sgm',], + 'lt-en': ['dev/newsdev2019-lten-src.lt.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-lten-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-lt': ['dev/newsdev2019-enlt-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-enlt-ref.lt.sgm'], + 'gu-en': ['dev/newsdev2019-guen-src.gu.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-guen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-gu': ['dev/newsdev2019-engu-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-engu-ref.gu.sgm'], + 'kk-en': ['dev/newsdev2019-kken-src.kk.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-kken-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-kk': ['dev/newsdev2019-enkk-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2019-enkk-ref.kk.sgm'], }, 'wmt18': { 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt18/translation-task/test.tgz'], @@ -183,20 +183,20 @@ '\n address = "Belgium, Brussels",\n publisher = "Association for Computational ' 'Linguistics",\n url = "https://www.aclweb.org/anthology/W18-6401",\n pages = "272--303",' '\n}', - 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2018-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-csen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['test/newstest2018-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-deen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2018-encs-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-encs-ref.cs.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['test/newstest2018-ende-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-ende-ref.de.sgm',], - 'en-et': ['test/newstest2018-enet-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-enet-ref.et.sgm',], - 'en-fi': ['test/newstest2018-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-enfi-ref.fi.sgm',], - 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2018-enru-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-enru-ref.ru.sgm',], - 'et-en': ['test/newstest2018-eten-src.et.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-eten-ref.en.sgm',], - 'fi-en': ['test/newstest2018-fien-src.fi.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-fien-ref.en.sgm',], - 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2018-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-ruen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-tr': ['test/newstest2018-entr-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-entr-ref.tr.sgm',], - 'tr-en': ['test/newstest2018-tren-src.tr.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-tren-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-zh': ['test/newstest2018-enzh-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-enzh-ref.zh.sgm',], - 'zh-en': ['test/newstest2018-zhen-src.zh.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-zhen-ref.en.sgm',], + 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2018-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-csen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['test/newstest2018-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-deen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2018-encs-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-encs-ref.cs.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['test/newstest2018-ende-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-ende-ref.de.sgm'], + 'en-et': ['test/newstest2018-enet-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-enet-ref.et.sgm'], + 'en-fi': ['test/newstest2018-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-enfi-ref.fi.sgm'], + 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2018-enru-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-enru-ref.ru.sgm'], + 'et-en': ['test/newstest2018-eten-src.et.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-eten-ref.en.sgm'], + 'fi-en': ['test/newstest2018-fien-src.fi.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-fien-ref.en.sgm'], + 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2018-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-ruen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-tr': ['test/newstest2018-entr-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-entr-ref.tr.sgm'], + 'tr-en': ['test/newstest2018-tren-src.tr.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-tren-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-zh': ['test/newstest2018-enzh-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-enzh-ref.zh.sgm'], + 'zh-en': ['test/newstest2018-zhen-src.zh.sgm', 'test/newstest2018-zhen-ref.en.sgm'], }, 'wmt18/test-ts': { 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt18/translation-task/test-ts.tgz'], @@ -221,8 +221,8 @@ 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt18/translation-task/dev.tgz'], 'md5': ['486f391da54a7a3247f02ebd25996f24'], 'description': 'Development data (Estonian<>English).', - 'et-en': ['dev/newsdev2018-eten-src.et.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2018-eten-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-et': ['dev/newsdev2018-enet-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2018-enet-ref.et.sgm',], + 'et-en': ['dev/newsdev2018-eten-src.et.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2018-eten-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-et': ['dev/newsdev2018-enet-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2018-enet-ref.et.sgm'], }, 'wmt17': { 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt17/translation-task/test.tgz'], @@ -238,26 +238,26 @@ '\n address = {Copenhagen, Denmark},\n publisher = {Association for Computational ' 'Linguistics},\n pages = {169--214},\n url = {' 'http://www.aclweb.org/anthology/W17-4717}\n}', - 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2017-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-csen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['test/newstest2017-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-deen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2017-encs-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-encs-ref.cs.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['test/newstest2017-ende-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-ende-ref.de.sgm',], - 'en-fi': ['test/newstest2017-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-enfi-ref.fi.sgm',], - 'en-lv': ['test/newstest2017-enlv-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-enlv-ref.lv.sgm',], - 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2017-enru-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-enru-ref.ru.sgm',], - 'en-tr': ['test/newstest2017-entr-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-entr-ref.tr.sgm',], - 'en-zh': ['test/newstest2017-enzh-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-enzh-ref.zh.sgm',], - 'fi-en': ['test/newstest2017-fien-src.fi.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-fien-ref.en.sgm',], - 'lv-en': ['test/newstest2017-lven-src.lv.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-lven-ref.en.sgm',], - 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2017-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-ruen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'tr-en': ['test/newstest2017-tren-src.tr.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-tren-ref.en.sgm',], - 'zh-en': ['test/newstest2017-zhen-src.zh.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-zhen-ref.en.sgm',], + 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2017-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-csen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['test/newstest2017-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-deen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2017-encs-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-encs-ref.cs.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['test/newstest2017-ende-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-ende-ref.de.sgm'], + 'en-fi': ['test/newstest2017-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-enfi-ref.fi.sgm'], + 'en-lv': ['test/newstest2017-enlv-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-enlv-ref.lv.sgm'], + 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2017-enru-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-enru-ref.ru.sgm'], + 'en-tr': ['test/newstest2017-entr-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-entr-ref.tr.sgm'], + 'en-zh': ['test/newstest2017-enzh-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-enzh-ref.zh.sgm'], + 'fi-en': ['test/newstest2017-fien-src.fi.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-fien-ref.en.sgm'], + 'lv-en': ['test/newstest2017-lven-src.lv.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-lven-ref.en.sgm'], + 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2017-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-ruen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'tr-en': ['test/newstest2017-tren-src.tr.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-tren-ref.en.sgm'], + 'zh-en': ['test/newstest2017-zhen-src.zh.sgm', 'test/newstest2017-zhen-ref.en.sgm'], }, 'wmt17/B': { 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt17/translation-task/test.tgz'], 'md5': ['86a1724c276004aa25455ae2a04cef26'], 'description': 'Additional reference for EN-FI and FI-EN.', - 'en-fi': ['test/newstestB2017-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstestB2017-enfi-ref.fi.sgm',], + 'en-fi': ['test/newstestB2017-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstestB2017-enfi-ref.fi.sgm'], }, 'wmt17/tworefs': { 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt17/translation-task/test.tgz'], @@ -273,24 +273,24 @@ 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt17/translation-task/test-update-1.tgz'], 'md5': ['91dbfd5af99bc6891a637a68e04dfd41'], 'description': 'Improved zh-en and en-zh translations.', - 'en-zh': ['newstest2017-enzh-src.en.sgm', 'newstest2017-enzh-ref.zh.sgm',], - 'zh-en': ['newstest2017-zhen-src.zh.sgm', 'newstest2017-zhen-ref.en.sgm',], + 'en-zh': ['newstest2017-enzh-src.en.sgm', 'newstest2017-enzh-ref.zh.sgm'], + 'zh-en': ['newstest2017-zhen-src.zh.sgm', 'newstest2017-zhen-ref.en.sgm'], }, 'wmt17/dev': { 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt17/translation-task/dev.tgz'], 'md5': ['9b1aa63c1cf49dccdd20b962fe313989'], 'description': 'Development sets released for new languages in 2017.', - 'en-lv': ['dev/newsdev2017-enlv-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2017-enlv-ref.lv.sgm',], - 'en-zh': ['dev/newsdev2017-enzh-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2017-enzh-ref.zh.sgm',], - 'lv-en': ['dev/newsdev2017-lven-src.lv.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2017-lven-ref.en.sgm',], - 'zh-en': ['dev/newsdev2017-zhen-src.zh.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2017-zhen-ref.en.sgm',], + 'en-lv': ['dev/newsdev2017-enlv-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2017-enlv-ref.lv.sgm'], + 'en-zh': ['dev/newsdev2017-enzh-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2017-enzh-ref.zh.sgm'], + 'lv-en': ['dev/newsdev2017-lven-src.lv.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2017-lven-ref.en.sgm'], + 'zh-en': ['dev/newsdev2017-zhen-src.zh.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2017-zhen-ref.en.sgm'], }, 'wmt17/ms': { 'data': [ 'https://github.com/MicrosoftTranslator/Translator-HumanParityData/archive/master.zip', 'http://data.statmt.org/wmt17/translation-task/test-update-1.tgz', ], - 'md5': ['18fdaa7a3c84cf6ef688da1f6a5fa96f', '91dbfd5af99bc6891a637a68e04dfd41',], + 'md5': ['18fdaa7a3c84cf6ef688da1f6a5fa96f', '91dbfd5af99bc6891a637a68e04dfd41'], 'description': 'Additional Chinese-English references from Microsoft Research.', 'citation': '@inproceedings{achieving-human-parity-on-automatic-chinese-to-english-news-translation,' '\n author = {Hassan Awadalla, Hany and Aue, Anthony and Chen, Chang and Chowdhary, Vishal and ' @@ -317,9 +317,9 @@ 'newstest2017-zhen-src.zh.sgm', 'newstest2017-zhen-ref.en.sgm', 'Translator-HumanParityData-master/Translator-HumanParityData/References/Translator-HumanParityData' - '-Reference-HT.txt', + + '-Reference-HT.txt', 'Translator-HumanParityData-master/Translator-HumanParityData/References/Translator-HumanParityData' - '-Reference-PE.txt', + + '-Reference-PE.txt', ], }, 'wmt16': { @@ -336,24 +336,24 @@ 'Machine Translation},\n month = {August},\n year = {2016},\n address = {Berlin, ' 'Germany},\n publisher = {Association for Computational Linguistics},\n pages = {' '131--198},\n url = {http://www.aclweb.org/anthology/W/W16/W16-2301}\n}', - 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2016-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-csen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['test/newstest2016-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-deen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2016-encs-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-encs-ref.cs.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['test/newstest2016-ende-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-ende-ref.de.sgm',], - 'en-fi': ['test/newstest2016-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-enfi-ref.fi.sgm',], - 'en-ro': ['test/newstest2016-enro-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-enro-ref.ro.sgm',], - 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2016-enru-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-enru-ref.ru.sgm',], - 'en-tr': ['test/newstest2016-entr-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-entr-ref.tr.sgm',], - 'fi-en': ['test/newstest2016-fien-src.fi.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-fien-ref.en.sgm',], - 'ro-en': ['test/newstest2016-roen-src.ro.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-roen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2016-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-ruen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'tr-en': ['test/newstest2016-tren-src.tr.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-tren-ref.en.sgm',], + 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2016-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-csen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['test/newstest2016-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-deen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2016-encs-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-encs-ref.cs.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['test/newstest2016-ende-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-ende-ref.de.sgm'], + 'en-fi': ['test/newstest2016-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-enfi-ref.fi.sgm'], + 'en-ro': ['test/newstest2016-enro-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-enro-ref.ro.sgm'], + 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2016-enru-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-enru-ref.ru.sgm'], + 'en-tr': ['test/newstest2016-entr-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-entr-ref.tr.sgm'], + 'fi-en': ['test/newstest2016-fien-src.fi.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-fien-ref.en.sgm'], + 'ro-en': ['test/newstest2016-roen-src.ro.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-roen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2016-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-ruen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'tr-en': ['test/newstest2016-tren-src.tr.sgm', 'test/newstest2016-tren-ref.en.sgm'], }, 'wmt16/B': { 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt16/translation-task/test.tgz'], 'md5': ['3d809cd0c2c86adb2c67034d15c4e446'], 'description': 'Additional reference for EN-FI.', - 'en-fi': ['test/newstest2016-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstestB2016-enfi-ref.fi.sgm',], + 'en-fi': ['test/newstest2016-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstestB2016-enfi-ref.fi.sgm'], }, 'wmt16/tworefs': { 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt16/translation-task/test.tgz'], @@ -369,10 +369,10 @@ 'data': ['http://data.statmt.org/wmt16/translation-task/dev.tgz'], 'md5': ['4a3dc2760bb077f4308cce96b06e6af6'], 'description': 'Development sets released for new languages in 2016.', - 'en-ro': ['dev/newsdev2016-enro-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2016-enro-ref.ro.sgm',], - 'en-tr': ['dev/newsdev2016-entr-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2016-entr-ref.tr.sgm',], - 'ro-en': ['dev/newsdev2016-roen-src.ro.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2016-roen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'tr-en': ['dev/newsdev2016-tren-src.tr.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2016-tren-ref.en.sgm',], + 'en-ro': ['dev/newsdev2016-enro-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2016-enro-ref.ro.sgm'], + 'en-tr': ['dev/newsdev2016-entr-src.en.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2016-entr-ref.tr.sgm'], + 'ro-en': ['dev/newsdev2016-roen-src.ro.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2016-roen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'tr-en': ['dev/newsdev2016-tren-src.tr.sgm', 'dev/newsdev2016-tren-ref.en.sgm'], }, 'wmt15': { 'data': ['http://statmt.org/wmt15/test.tgz'], @@ -387,16 +387,16 @@ '\n month = {September},\n year = {2015},\n address = {Lisbon, Portugal},' '\n publisher = {Association for Computational Linguistics},\n pages = {1--46},\n url ' ' = {http://aclweb.org/anthology/W15-3001}\n}', - 'en-fr': ['test/newsdiscusstest2015-enfr-src.en.sgm', 'test/newsdiscusstest2015-enfr-ref.fr.sgm',], - 'fr-en': ['test/newsdiscusstest2015-fren-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newsdiscusstest2015-fren-ref.en.sgm',], - 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2015-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-csen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['test/newstest2015-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-deen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2015-encs-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-encs-ref.cs.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['test/newstest2015-ende-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-ende-ref.de.sgm',], - 'en-fi': ['test/newstest2015-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-enfi-ref.fi.sgm',], - 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2015-enru-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-enru-ref.ru.sgm',], - 'fi-en': ['test/newstest2015-fien-src.fi.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-fien-ref.en.sgm',], - 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2015-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-ruen-ref.en.sgm',], + 'en-fr': ['test/newsdiscusstest2015-enfr-src.en.sgm', 'test/newsdiscusstest2015-enfr-ref.fr.sgm'], + 'fr-en': ['test/newsdiscusstest2015-fren-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newsdiscusstest2015-fren-ref.en.sgm'], + 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2015-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-csen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['test/newstest2015-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-deen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2015-encs-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-encs-ref.cs.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['test/newstest2015-ende-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-ende-ref.de.sgm'], + 'en-fi': ['test/newstest2015-enfi-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-enfi-ref.fi.sgm'], + 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2015-enru-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-enru-ref.ru.sgm'], + 'fi-en': ['test/newstest2015-fien-src.fi.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-fien-ref.en.sgm'], + 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2015-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2015-ruen-ref.en.sgm'], }, 'wmt14': { 'data': ['http://statmt.org/wmt14/test-filtered.tgz'], @@ -410,31 +410,31 @@ 'on Statistical Machine Translation},\n month = {June},\n year = {2014},\n address ' '= {Baltimore, Maryland, USA},\n publisher = {Association for Computational Linguistics},' '\n pages = {12--58},\n url = {http://www.aclweb.org/anthology/W/W14/W14-3302}\n}', - 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2014-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-csen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2014-csen-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-csen-ref.cs.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['test/newstest2014-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-deen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['test/newstest2014-deen-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-deen-ref.de.sgm',], - 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2014-fren-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-fren-ref.fr.sgm',], - 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2014-fren-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-fren-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-hi': ['test/newstest2014-hien-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-hien-ref.hi.sgm',], - 'hi-en': ['test/newstest2014-hien-src.hi.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-hien-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2014-ruen-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-ruen-ref.ru.sgm',], - 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2014-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-ruen-ref.en.sgm',], + 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2014-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-csen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2014-csen-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-csen-ref.cs.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['test/newstest2014-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-deen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['test/newstest2014-deen-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-deen-ref.de.sgm'], + 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2014-fren-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-fren-ref.fr.sgm'], + 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2014-fren-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-fren-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-hi': ['test/newstest2014-hien-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-hien-ref.hi.sgm'], + 'hi-en': ['test/newstest2014-hien-src.hi.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-hien-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2014-ruen-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-ruen-ref.ru.sgm'], + 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2014-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2014-ruen-ref.en.sgm'], }, 'wmt14/full': { 'data': ['http://statmt.org/wmt14/test-full.tgz'], 'md5': ['a8cd784e006feb32ac6f3d9ec7eb389a'], 'description': 'Evaluation data released after official evaluation for further research.', - 'cs-en': ['test-full/newstest2014-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-csen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test-full/newstest2014-csen-src.en.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-csen-ref.cs.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['test-full/newstest2014-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-deen-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['test-full/newstest2014-deen-src.en.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-deen-ref.de.sgm',], - 'en-fr': ['test-full/newstest2014-fren-src.en.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-fren-ref.fr.sgm',], - 'fr-en': ['test-full/newstest2014-fren-src.fr.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-fren-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-hi': ['test-full/newstest2014-hien-src.en.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-hien-ref.hi.sgm',], - 'hi-en': ['test-full/newstest2014-hien-src.hi.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-hien-ref.en.sgm',], - 'en-ru': ['test-full/newstest2014-ruen-src.en.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-ruen-ref.ru.sgm',], - 'ru-en': ['test-full/newstest2014-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-ruen-ref.en.sgm',], + 'cs-en': ['test-full/newstest2014-csen-src.cs.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-csen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test-full/newstest2014-csen-src.en.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-csen-ref.cs.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['test-full/newstest2014-deen-src.de.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-deen-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['test-full/newstest2014-deen-src.en.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-deen-ref.de.sgm'], + 'en-fr': ['test-full/newstest2014-fren-src.en.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-fren-ref.fr.sgm'], + 'fr-en': ['test-full/newstest2014-fren-src.fr.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-fren-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-hi': ['test-full/newstest2014-hien-src.en.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-hien-ref.hi.sgm'], + 'hi-en': ['test-full/newstest2014-hien-src.hi.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-hien-ref.en.sgm'], + 'en-ru': ['test-full/newstest2014-ruen-src.en.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-ruen-ref.ru.sgm'], + 'ru-en': ['test-full/newstest2014-ruen-src.ru.sgm', 'test-full/newstest2014-ruen-ref.en.sgm'], }, 'wmt13': { 'data': ['http://statmt.org/wmt13/test.tgz'], @@ -448,16 +448,16 @@ '\n month = {August},\n year = {2013},\n address = {Sofia, Bulgaria},\n publisher ' '= {Association for Computational Linguistics},\n pages = {1--44},\n url = {' 'http://www.aclweb.org/anthology/W13-2201}\n}', - 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2013-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.cs.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['test/newstest2013-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.de.sgm',], - 'es-en': ['test/newstest2013-src.es.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-es': ['test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.es.sgm',], - 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2013-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.fr.sgm',], - 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2013-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.ru.sgm',], + 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2013-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.cs.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['test/newstest2013-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.de.sgm'], + 'es-en': ['test/newstest2013-src.es.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-es': ['test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.es.sgm'], + 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2013-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.fr.sgm'], + 'ru-en': ['test/newstest2013-src.ru.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-ru': ['test/newstest2013-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2013-src.ru.sgm'], }, 'wmt12': { 'data': ['http://statmt.org/wmt12/test.tgz'], @@ -470,14 +470,14 @@ '\n month = {June},\n year = {2012},\n address = {Montr{\'e}al, Canada},' '\n publisher = {Association for Computational Linguistics},\n pages = {10--51},' '\n url = {http://www.aclweb.org/anthology/W12-3102}\n}', - 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2012-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.cs.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['test/newstest2012-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.de.sgm',], - 'es-en': ['test/newstest2012-src.es.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-es': ['test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.es.sgm',], - 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2012-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.fr.sgm',], + 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2012-src.cs.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.cs.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['test/newstest2012-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.de.sgm'], + 'es-en': ['test/newstest2012-src.es.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-es': ['test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.es.sgm'], + 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2012-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2012-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2012-src.fr.sgm'], }, 'wmt11': { 'data': ['http://statmt.org/wmt11/test.tgz'], @@ -510,14 +510,14 @@ '\n address = {Uppsala, Sweden},\n publisher = {Association for Computational Linguistics},' '\n pages = {17--53},\n note = {Revised August 2010},\n url = {' 'http://www.aclweb.org/anthology/W10-1703}\n}', - 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2010-src.cz.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.cz.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['test/newstest2010-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.de.sgm',], - 'es-en': ['test/newstest2010-src.es.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-es': ['test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.es.sgm',], - 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2010-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.fr.sgm',], + 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2010-src.cz.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.cz.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['test/newstest2010-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.de.sgm'], + 'es-en': ['test/newstest2010-src.es.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-es': ['test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.es.sgm'], + 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2010-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2010-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2010-src.fr.sgm'], }, 'wmt09': { 'data': ['http://statmt.org/wmt09/test.tgz'], @@ -530,18 +530,18 @@ '2009},\n address = {Athens, Greece},\n publisher = {Association for Computational ' 'Linguistics},\n pages = {1--28},\n url = {' 'http://www.aclweb.org/anthology/W/W09/W09-0401}\n}', - 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.cz.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.cz.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.de.sgm',], - 'es-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.es.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-es': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.es.sgm',], - 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.fr.sgm',], - 'hu-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.hu.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-hu': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.hu.sgm',], - 'it-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.it.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-it': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.it.sgm',], + 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.cz.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.cz.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.de.sgm'], + 'es-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.es.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-es': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.es.sgm'], + 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.fr.sgm'], + 'hu-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.hu.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-hu': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.hu.sgm'], + 'it-en': ['test/newstest2009-src.it.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-it': ['test/newstest2009-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2009-src.it.sgm'], }, 'wmt08': { 'data': ['http://statmt.org/wmt08/test.tgz'], @@ -553,23 +553,23 @@ 'Workshop on Statistical Machine Translation},\n month = {June},\n year = {2008},' '\n address = {Columbus, Ohio},\n publisher = {Association for Computational Linguistics},' '\n pages = {70--106},\n url = {http://www.aclweb.org/anthology/W/W08/W08-0309}\n}', - 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2008-src.cz.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.cz.sgm',], - 'de-en': ['test/newstest2008-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-de': ['test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.de.sgm',], - 'es-en': ['test/newstest2008-src.es.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-es': ['test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.es.sgm',], - 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2008-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.fr.sgm',], - 'hu-en': ['test/newstest2008-src.hu.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-hu': ['test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.hu.sgm',], + 'cs-en': ['test/newstest2008-src.cz.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.cz.sgm'], + 'de-en': ['test/newstest2008-src.de.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-de': ['test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.de.sgm'], + 'es-en': ['test/newstest2008-src.es.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-es': ['test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.es.sgm'], + 'fr-en': ['test/newstest2008-src.fr.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-fr': ['test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.fr.sgm'], + 'hu-en': ['test/newstest2008-src.hu.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-hu': ['test/newstest2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/newstest2008-src.hu.sgm'], }, 'wmt08/nc': { 'data': ['http://statmt.org/wmt08/test.tgz'], 'md5': ['0582e4e894a3342044059c894e1aea3d'], 'description': 'Official evaluation data (news commentary).', - 'cs-en': ['test/nc-test2008-src.cz.sgm', 'test/nc-test2008-src.en.sgm',], - 'en-cs': ['test/nc-test2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/nc-test2008-src.cz.sgm',], + 'cs-en': ['test/nc-test2008-src.cz.sgm', 'test/nc-test2008-src.en.sgm'], + 'en-cs': ['test/nc-test2008-src.en.sgm', 'test/nc-test2008-src.cz.sgm'], }, 'wmt08/europarl': { 'data': ['http://statmt.org/wmt08/test.tgz'], @@ -618,12 +618,12 @@ '\n booktitle = {14th International Workshop on Spoken Language Translation},\n month = {' 'December},\n year = {2017},\n address = {Tokyo, Japan},\n pages = {2--14},' '\n url = {http://workshop2017.iwslt.org/downloads/iwslt2017_proceeding_v2.pdf}\n}', - 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.fr-en.fr.xml',], - 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-fr.en.xml',], - 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.de-en.de.xml',], - 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-de.en.xml',], - 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.zh-en.zh.xml',], - 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-zh.en.xml',], + 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.fr-en.fr.xml'], + 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-fr.en.xml'], + 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.de-en.de.xml'], + 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-de.en.xml'], + 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.zh-en.zh.xml'], + 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2017.en-zh.en.xml'], }, 'iwslt17/tst2016': { 'data': [ @@ -643,12 +643,12 @@ "cc51d9b7fe1ff2af858c6a0dd80b8815", ], 'description': 'Development data for IWSLT 2017.', - 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.fr-en.fr.xml',], - 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-fr.en.xml',], - 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.de-en.de.xml',], - 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-de.en.xml',], - 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.zh-en.zh.xml',], - 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-zh.en.xml',], + 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.fr-en.fr.xml'], + 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-fr.en.xml'], + 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.de-en.de.xml'], + 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-de.en.xml'], + 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.zh-en.zh.xml'], + 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2016.en-zh.en.xml'], }, 'iwslt17/tst2015': { 'data': [ @@ -668,12 +668,12 @@ "1c0ae40171d52593df8a6963d3828116", ], 'description': 'Development data for IWSLT 2017.', - 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.fr-en.fr.xml',], - 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-fr.en.xml',], - 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.de-en.de.xml',], - 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-de.en.xml',], - 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.zh-en.zh.xml',], - 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-zh.en.xml',], + 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.fr-en.fr.xml'], + 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-fr.en.xml'], + 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.de-en.de.xml'], + 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-de.en.xml'], + 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.zh-en.zh.xml'], + 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2015.en-zh.en.xml'], }, 'iwslt17/tst2014': { 'data': [ @@ -693,12 +693,12 @@ "1c0ae40171d52593df8a6963d3828116", ], 'description': 'Development data for IWSLT 2017.', - 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.fr-en.fr.xml',], - 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-fr.en.xml',], - 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.de-en.de.xml',], - 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-de.en.xml',], - 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.zh-en.zh.xml',], - 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-zh.en.xml',], + 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.fr-en.fr.xml'], + 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-fr.en.xml'], + 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.de-en.de.xml'], + 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-de.en.xml'], + 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.zh-en.zh.xml'], + 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2014.en-zh.en.xml'], }, 'iwslt17/tst2013': { 'data': [ @@ -718,12 +718,12 @@ "1c0ae40171d52593df8a6963d3828116", ], 'description': 'Development data for IWSLT 2017.', - 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.fr-en.fr.xml',], - 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-fr.en.xml',], - 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.de-en.de.xml',], - 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-de.en.xml',], - 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.zh-en.zh.xml',], - 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-zh.en.xml',], + 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.fr-en.fr.xml'], + 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-fr.en.xml'], + 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.de-en.de.xml'], + 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-de.en.xml'], + 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.zh-en.zh.xml'], + 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2013.en-zh.en.xml'], }, 'iwslt17/tst2012': { 'data': [ @@ -743,12 +743,12 @@ "1c0ae40171d52593df8a6963d3828116", ], 'description': 'Development data for IWSLT 2017.', - 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.fr-en.fr.xml',], - 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-fr.en.xml',], - 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.de-en.de.xml',], - 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-de.en.xml',], - 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.zh-en.zh.xml',], - 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-zh.en.xml',], + 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.fr-en.fr.xml'], + 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-fr.en.xml'], + 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.de-en.de.xml'], + 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-de.en.xml'], + 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.zh-en.zh.xml'], + 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2012.en-zh.en.xml'], }, 'iwslt17/tst2011': { 'data': [ @@ -768,12 +768,12 @@ "1c0ae40171d52593df8a6963d3828116", ], 'description': 'Development data for IWSLT 2017.', - 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.fr-en.fr.xml',], - 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-fr.en.xml',], - 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.de-en.de.xml',], - 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-de.en.xml',], - 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.zh-en.zh.xml',], - 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-zh.en.xml',], + 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.fr-en.fr.xml'], + 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-fr.en.xml'], + 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.de-en.de.xml'], + 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-de.en.xml'], + 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.zh-en.zh.xml'], + 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2011.en-zh.en.xml'], }, 'iwslt17/tst2010': { 'data': [ @@ -793,12 +793,12 @@ "1c0ae40171d52593df8a6963d3828116", ], 'description': 'Development data for IWSLT 2017.', - 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.fr-en.fr.xml',], - 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-fr.en.xml',], - 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.de-en.de.xml',], - 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-de.en.xml',], - 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.zh-en.zh.xml',], - 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-zh.en.xml',], + 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.fr-en.fr.xml'], + 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-fr.en.xml'], + 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.de-en.de.xml'], + 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-de.en.xml'], + 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.zh-en.zh.xml'], + 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.tst2010.en-zh.en.xml'], }, 'iwslt17/dev2010': { 'data': [ @@ -818,12 +818,12 @@ "1c0ae40171d52593df8a6963d3828116", ], 'description': 'Development data for IWSLT 2017.', - 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.fr-en.fr.xml',], - 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-fr.en.xml',], - 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.de-en.de.xml',], - 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-de.en.xml',], - 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.zh-en.zh.xml',], - 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-zh.en.xml',], + 'en-fr': ['en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-fr.en.xml', 'fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.fr-en.fr.xml'], + 'fr-en': ['fr-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.fr-en.fr.xml', 'en-fr/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-fr.en.xml'], + 'en-de': ['en-de/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-de.en.xml', 'de-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.de-en.de.xml'], + 'de-en': ['de-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.de-en.de.xml', 'en-de/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-de.en.xml'], + 'en-zh': ['en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-zh.en.xml', 'zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.zh-en.zh.xml'], + 'zh-en': ['zh-en/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.zh-en.zh.xml', 'en-zh/IWSLT17.TED.dev2010.en-zh.en.xml'], }, } @@ -1087,15 +1087,7 @@ def bleu_signature(args, numrefs): """ # Abbreviations for the signature - abbr = { - 'test': 't', - 'lang': 'l', - 'smooth': 's', - 'case': 'c', - 'tok': 'tok', - 'numrefs': '#', - 'version': 'v', - } + abbr = {'test': 't', 'lang': 'l', 'smooth': 's', 'case': 'c', 'tok': 'tok', 'numrefs': '#', 'version': 'v'} signature = { 'tok': args.tokenize, @@ -1124,15 +1116,7 @@ def chrf_signature(args, numrefs): """ # Abbreviations for the signature - abbr = { - 'test': 't', - 'lang': 'l', - 'numchars': 'n', - 'space': 's', - 'case': 'c', - 'numrefs': '#', - 'version': 'v', - } + abbr = {'test': 't', 'lang': 'l', 'numchars': 'n', 'space': 's', 'case': 'c', 'numrefs': '#', 'version': 'v'} signature = { 'tok': args.tokenize, @@ -1225,24 +1209,20 @@ def process_to_text(rawfile, txtfile, field: int = None): with smart_open(rawfile) as fin, smart_open(txtfile, 'wt') as fout: for line in fin: if line.startswith('(.*).*?', '\\1', line)), file=fout, - ) + logging.info(_clean(re.sub(r'(.*).*?', '\\1', line)), file=fout) elif rawfile.endswith('.xml'): # IWSLT with smart_open(rawfile) as fin, smart_open(txtfile, 'wt') as fout: for line in fin: if line.startswith('(.*).*?', '\\1', line)), file=fout, - ) + logging.info(_clean(re.sub(r'(.*).*?', '\\1', line)), file=fout) elif rawfile.endswith('.txt'): # wmt17/ms with smart_open(rawfile) as fin, smart_open(txtfile, 'wt') as fout: for line in fin: - print(line.rstrip(), file=fout) + logging.info(line.rstrip(), file=fout) elif rawfile.endswith('.tsv'): # MTNT with smart_open(rawfile) as fin, smart_open(txtfile, 'wt') as fout: for line in fin: - print(line.rstrip().split('\t')[field], file=fout) + logging.info(line.rstrip().split('\t')[field], file=fout) def print_test_set(test_set, langpair, side): @@ -1260,7 +1240,7 @@ def print_test_set(test_set, langpair, side): streams = [smart_open(file) for file in files] for lines in zip(*streams): - print('\t'.join(map(lambda x: x.rstrip(), lines))) + logging.info('\t'.join(map(lambda x: x.rstrip(), lines))) def download_test_set(test_set, langpair=None): @@ -1586,7 +1566,7 @@ def delete_whitespace(text: str) -> str: def get_sentence_statistics( - hypothesis: str, reference: str, order: int = CHRF_ORDER, remove_whitespace: bool = True, + hypothesis: str, reference: str, order: int = CHRF_ORDER, remove_whitespace: bool = True ) -> List[float]: hypothesis = delete_whitespace(hypothesis) if remove_whitespace else hypothesis reference = delete_whitespace(reference) if remove_whitespace else reference @@ -1603,11 +1583,11 @@ def get_sentence_statistics( def get_corpus_statistics( - hypotheses: Iterable[str], references: Iterable[str], order: int = CHRF_ORDER, remove_whitespace: bool = True, + hypotheses: Iterable[str], references: Iterable[str], order: int = CHRF_ORDER, remove_whitespace: bool = True ) -> List[float]: corpus_statistics = [0] * (order * 3) for hypothesis, reference in zip(hypotheses, references): - statistics = get_sentence_statistics(hypothesis, reference, order=order, remove_whitespace=remove_whitespace,) + statistics = get_sentence_statistics(hypothesis, reference, order=order, remove_whitespace=remove_whitespace) for i in range(len(statistics)): corpus_statistics[i] += statistics[i] return corpus_statistics @@ -1656,15 +1636,13 @@ def corpus_chrf( :param beta: Defines importance of recall w.r.t precision. If beta=1, same importance. :return: Chrf score. """ - corpus_statistics = get_corpus_statistics( - hypotheses, references, order=order, remove_whitespace=remove_whitespace, - ) + corpus_statistics = get_corpus_statistics(hypotheses, references, order=order, remove_whitespace=remove_whitespace) avg_precision, avg_recall = _avg_precision_and_recall(corpus_statistics, order) return _chrf(avg_precision, avg_recall, beta=beta) def sentence_chrf( - hypothesis: str, reference: str, order: int = CHRF_ORDER, beta: float = CHRF_BETA, remove_whitespace: bool = True, + hypothesis: str, reference: str, order: int = CHRF_ORDER, beta: float = CHRF_BETA, remove_whitespace: bool = True ) -> float: """ Computes ChrF on a single sentence pair. @@ -1688,10 +1666,10 @@ def main(): ' cat output.detok.de | ./sacreBLEU -t wmt14 -l en-de' ) arg_parser.add_argument( - '--test-set', '-t', type=str, default=None, choices=DATASETS.keys(), help='the test set to use', + '--test-set', '-t', type=str, default=None, choices=DATASETS.keys(), help='the test set to use' ) arg_parser.add_argument( - '-lc', action='store_true', default=False, help='use case-insensitive BLEU (default: actual case)', + '-lc', action='store_true', default=False, help='use case-insensitive BLEU (default: actual case)' ) arg_parser.add_argument( '--smooth', @@ -1709,7 +1687,7 @@ def main(): help='The value to pass to the smoothing technique, when relevant. ' 'Default: %(default)s. ', ) arg_parser.add_argument( - '--tokenize', '-tok', choices=TOKENIZERS.keys(), default=None, help='tokenization method to use', + '--tokenize', '-tok', choices=TOKENIZERS.keys(), default=None, help='tokenization method to use' ) arg_parser.add_argument( '--language-pair', @@ -1718,9 +1696,7 @@ def main(): default=None, help='source-target language pair (2-char ISO639-1 codes)', ) - arg_parser.add_argument( - '--download', type=str, default=None, help='download a test set and quit', - ) + arg_parser.add_argument('--download', type=str, default=None, help='download a test set and quit') arg_parser.add_argument( '--echo', choices=['src', 'ref', 'both'], @@ -1728,9 +1704,7 @@ def main(): default=None, help='output the source (src), reference (ref), or both (both, ' 'pasted) to STDOUT and quit ', ) - arg_parser.add_argument( - '--input', '-i', type=str, default='-', help='Read input from a file instead of STDIN', - ) + arg_parser.add_argument('--input', '-i', type=str, default='-', help='Read input from a file instead of STDIN') arg_parser.add_argument( 'refs', nargs='*', @@ -1746,10 +1720,10 @@ def main(): help='metrics to compute (default: bleu)', ) arg_parser.add_argument( - '--chrf-order', type=int, default=CHRF_ORDER, help='chrf character order (default: %(default)s)', + '--chrf-order', type=int, default=CHRF_ORDER, help='chrf character order (default: %(default)s)' ) arg_parser.add_argument( - '--chrf-beta', type=int, default=CHRF_BETA, help='chrf BETA parameter (default: %(default)s)', + '--chrf-beta', type=int, default=CHRF_BETA, help='chrf BETA parameter (default: %(default)s)' ) arg_parser.add_argument( '--chrf-whitespace', @@ -1758,17 +1732,15 @@ def main(): help='include whitespace in chrF calculation (default: %(default)s)', ) arg_parser.add_argument( - '--short', default=False, action='store_true', help='produce a shorter (less human readable) signature', + '--short', default=False, action='store_true', help='produce a shorter (less human readable) signature' ) arg_parser.add_argument( - '--score-only', '-b', default=False, action='store_true', help='output only the BLEU score', + '--score-only', '-b', default=False, action='store_true', help='output only the BLEU score' ) arg_parser.add_argument( - '--force', default=False, action='store_true', help='insist that your tokenized input is actually detokenized', - ) - arg_parser.add_argument( - '--quiet', '-q', default=False, action='store_true', help='suppress informative output', + '--force', default=False, action='store_true', help='insist that your tokenized input is actually detokenized' ) + arg_parser.add_argument('--quiet', '-q', default=False, action='store_true', help='suppress informative output') arg_parser.add_argument( '--encoding', '-e', @@ -1777,18 +1749,14 @@ def main(): help='open text files with specified encoding (default: %(default)s)', ) arg_parser.add_argument( - '--citation', '--cite', default=False, action='store_true', help='dump the bibtex citation and quit.', - ) - arg_parser.add_argument( - '--width', '-w', type=int, default=1, help='floating point width (default: %(default)s)', - ) - arg_parser.add_argument( - '-V', '--version', action='version', version='%(prog)s {}'.format(VERSION), + '--citation', '--cite', default=False, action='store_true', help='dump the bibtex citation and quit.' ) + arg_parser.add_argument('--width', '-w', type=int, default=1, help='floating point width (default: %(default)s)') + arg_parser.add_argument('-V', '--version', action='version', version='%(prog)s {}'.format(VERSION)) args = arg_parser.parse_args() # Explicitly set the encoding - sys.stdin = open(sys.stdin.fileno(), mode='r', encoding='utf-8', buffering=True, newline="\n",) + sys.stdin = open(sys.stdin.fileno(), mode='r', encoding='utf-8', buffering=True, newline="\n") sys.stdout = open(sys.stdout.fileno(), mode='w', encoding='utf-8', buffering=True) if not args.quiet: @@ -1806,7 +1774,7 @@ def main(): logging.error('No citation found for %s', args.test_set) sys.exit(1) - print(DATASETS[args.test_set]['citation']) + logging.info(DATASETS[args.test_set]['citation']) sys.exit(0) if args.test_set is not None and args.test_set not in DATASETS: @@ -1871,7 +1839,7 @@ def main(): if args.test_set: _, *refs = download_test_set(args.test_set, args.langpair) if len(refs) == 0: - print('No references found for test set {}/{}.'.format(args.test_set, args.langpair)) + logging.info('No references found for test set {}/{}.'.format(args.test_set, args.langpair)) sys.exit(1) else: refs = args.refs @@ -1899,11 +1867,7 @@ def main(): ) if 'chrf' in args.metrics: chrf = corpus_chrf( - system, - refs[0], - beta=args.chrf_beta, - order=args.chrf_order, - remove_whitespace=not args.chrf_whitespace, + system, refs[0], beta=args.chrf_beta, order=args.chrf_order, remove_whitespace=not args.chrf_whitespace ) except EOFError: logging.error('The input and reference stream(s) were of different lengths.\n') @@ -1927,17 +1891,17 @@ def main(): for metric in args.metrics: if metric == 'bleu': if args.score_only: - print('{0:.{1}f}'.format(bleu.score, width)) + logging.info('{0:.{1}f}'.format(bleu.score, width)) else: version_str = bleu_signature(args, len(refs)) - print(bleu.format(width).replace('BLEU', 'BLEU+' + version_str)) + logging.info(bleu.format(width).replace('BLEU', 'BLEU+' + version_str)) elif metric == 'chrf': if args.score_only: - print('{0:.{1}f}'.format(chrf, width)) + logging.info('{0:.{1}f}'.format(chrf, width)) else: version_str = chrf_signature(args, len(refs)) - print('chrF{0:d}+{1} = {2:.{3}f}'.format(args.chrf_beta, version_str, chrf, width)) + logging.info('chrF{0:d}+{1} = {2:.{3}f}'.format(args.chrf_beta, version_str, chrf, width)) if __name__ == '__main__': diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py index 13eb29de1931..95cca9a7654e 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py @@ -15,13 +15,25 @@ See the License for the specific language governing permissions and limitations under the License. """ +__all__ = [ + 'f1_score', + 'exact_match_score', + 'apply_no_ans_threshold', + 'make_eval_dict', + 'merge_eval', + 'find_all_best_thresh', + 'find_best_thresh', + 'normalize_answer', + '_get_best_indexes', + 'get_final_text', +] import collections -import math -import re -import string from transformers.tokenization_bert import BasicTokenizer +from nemo import logging +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import get_tokens, normalize_answer + def _get_best_indexes(logits, n_best_size): """Get the n-best logits from a list.""" @@ -35,74 +47,6 @@ def _get_best_indexes(logits, n_best_size): return best_indexes -def _compute_softmax(scores): - """Compute softmax probability over raw logits.""" - if not scores: - return [] - - max_score = None - for score in scores: - if max_score is None or score > max_score: - max_score = score - - exp_scores = [] - total_sum = 0.0 - for score in scores: - x = math.exp(score - max_score) - exp_scores.append(x) - total_sum += x - - probs = [] - for score in exp_scores: - probs.append(score / total_sum) - return probs - - -def get_tokens(s): - if not s: - return [] - return normalize_answer(s).split() - - -def f1_score(prediction, ground_truth): - prediction_tokens = get_tokens(prediction) - ground_truth_tokens = get_tokens(ground_truth) - common = collections.Counter(prediction_tokens) & collections.Counter(ground_truth_tokens) - num_same = sum(common.values()) - if len(ground_truth_tokens) == 0 or len(prediction_tokens) == 0: - # If either is no-answer, then F1 is 1 if they agree, 0 otherwise - return int(ground_truth_tokens == prediction_tokens) - if num_same == 0: - return 0 - precision = 1.0 * num_same / len(prediction_tokens) - recall = 1.0 * num_same / len(ground_truth_tokens) - f1 = (2 * precision * recall) / (precision + recall) - return f1 - - -def exact_match_score(prediction, ground_truth): - return int(normalize_answer(prediction) == normalize_answer(ground_truth)) - - -def normalize_answer(s): - """Lower text and remove punctuation, articles and extra whitespace.""" - - def remove_articles(text): - return re.sub(r'\b(a|an|the)\b', ' ', text) - - def white_space_fix(text): - return ' '.join(text.split()) - - def remove_punc(text): - exclude = set(string.punctuation) - return ''.join(ch for ch in text if ch not in exclude) - - def lower(text): - return text.lower() - - return white_space_fix(remove_articles(remove_punc(lower(s)))) - - def get_final_text(pred_text, orig_text, do_lower_case, verbose_logging=False): """Project the tokenized prediction back to the original text.""" @@ -154,7 +98,7 @@ def _strip_spaces(text): start_position = tok_text.find(pred_text) if start_position == -1: if verbose_logging: - print("Unable to find text: '%s' in '%s'" % (pred_text, orig_text)) + logging.warning("Unable to find text: '%s' in '%s'" % (pred_text, orig_text)) return orig_text end_position = start_position + len(pred_text) - 1 @@ -163,7 +107,7 @@ def _strip_spaces(text): if len(orig_ns_text) != len(tok_ns_text): if verbose_logging: - print( + logging.warning( "Length not equal after stripping spaces: '%s' vs '%s'", orig_ns_text, tok_ns_text, ) return orig_text @@ -182,7 +126,7 @@ def _strip_spaces(text): if orig_start_position is None: if verbose_logging: - print("Couldn't map start position") + logging.warning("Couldn't map start position") return orig_text orig_end_position = None @@ -193,13 +137,33 @@ def _strip_spaces(text): if orig_end_position is None: if verbose_logging: - print("Couldn't map end position") + logging.warning("Couldn't map end position") return orig_text output_text = orig_text[orig_start_position : (orig_end_position + 1)] return output_text +def f1_score(prediction, ground_truth): + prediction_tokens = get_tokens(prediction) + ground_truth_tokens = get_tokens(ground_truth) + common = collections.Counter(prediction_tokens) & collections.Counter(ground_truth_tokens) + num_same = sum(common.values()) + if len(ground_truth_tokens) == 0 or len(prediction_tokens) == 0: + # If either is no-answer, then F1 is 1 if they agree, 0 otherwise + return int(ground_truth_tokens == prediction_tokens) + if num_same == 0: + return 0 + precision = 1.0 * num_same / len(prediction_tokens) + recall = 1.0 * num_same / len(ground_truth_tokens) + f1 = (2 * precision * recall) / (precision + recall) + return f1 + + +def exact_match_score(prediction, ground_truth): + return int(normalize_answer(prediction) == normalize_answer(ground_truth)) + + def apply_no_ans_threshold(scores, na_probs, qid_to_has_ans, na_prob_thresh): new_scores = {} for qid, s in scores.items(): @@ -225,7 +189,7 @@ def make_eval_dict(exact_scores, f1_scores, qid_list=None): total = len(qid_list) return collections.OrderedDict( [ - ("exact", 100.0 * sum(exact_scores[k] for k in qid_list) / total,), + ("exact", 100.0 * sum(exact_scores[k] for k in qid_list) / total), ("f1", 100.0 * sum(f1_scores[k] for k in qid_list) / total), ("total", total), ] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py deleted file mode 100644 index b483a741b2c1..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/__init__.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3 +0,0 @@ -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.data_layers import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.losses import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py deleted file mode 100644 index 7b439aa404da..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/__init__.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1 +0,0 @@ -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.data_layers.data_layers import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py deleted file mode 100644 index 01c49956dd65..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/data_layers/data_layers.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1160 +0,0 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation - -# If you want to add your own data layer, you should put its name in -# __all__ so that it can be imported with 'from text_data_layers import *' - - -__all__ = [ - 'GlueDataLayerClassification', - 'GlueDataLayerRegression', - 'BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer', - 'BertJointIntentSlotInferDataLayer', - 'BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer', - 'BertPunctuationCapitalizationInferDataLayer', - 'BertPretrainingDataLayer', - 'BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataLayer', - 'BertSentenceClassificationDataLayer', - 'BertTokenClassificationDataLayer', - 'BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer', - 'BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer', - 'LanguageModelingDataLayer', - 'TextDataLayer', - 'TranslationDataLayer', -] - -import os -import random -import sys - -import h5py -import numpy as np -import torch -from torch.utils import data as pt_data - -import nemo -from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import DataLayerNM -from nemo.collections.nlp.data import * -from nemo.core.neural_types import * - - -class TextDataLayer(DataLayerNM): - """ - Generic Text Data Layer NM which wraps PyTorch's dataset - - Args: - dataset_type: type of dataset used for this datalayer - dataset_params (dict): all the params for the dataset - """ - - def __init__(self, dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs): - super().__init__(**kwargs) - if isinstance(dataset_type, str): - dataset_type = getattr(sys.modules[__name__], dataset_type) - self._dataset = dataset_type(**dataset_params) - - def __len__(self): - return len(self._dataset) - - @property - def dataset(self): - return self._dataset - - @property - def data_iterator(self): - return None - - -class BertSentenceClassificationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): - """ - Creates the data layer to use for the task of sentence classification - with pretrained model. - - All the data processing is done BertSentenceClassificationDataset. - - Args: - dataset (BertSentenceClassificationDataset): - the dataset that needs to be converted to DataLayerNM - """ - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - labels: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag),}), - } - - def __init__( - self, - input_file, - tokenizer, - max_seq_length, - num_samples=-1, - shuffle=False, - batch_size=64, - dataset_type=BertSentenceClassificationDataset, - **kwargs - ): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - dataset_params = { - 'input_file': input_file, - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - 'num_samples': num_samples, - 'shuffle': shuffle, - } - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - -class BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer(TextDataLayer): - """ - Creates the data layer to use for the task of joint intent - and slot classification with pretrained model. - - All the data processing is done in BertJointIntentSlotDataset. - - input_mask: used to ignore some of the input tokens like paddings - - loss_mask: used to mask and ignore tokens in the loss function - - subtokens_mask: used to ignore the outputs of unwanted tokens in - the inference and evaluation like the start and end tokens - - Args: - dataset (BertJointIntentSlotDataset): - the dataset that needs to be converted to DataLayerNM - """ - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - loss_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - subtokens_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - intents: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - slots: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "subtokens_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "intents": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag),}), - "slots": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - def __init__( - self, - input_file, - slot_file, - pad_label, - tokenizer, - max_seq_length, - num_samples=-1, - shuffle=False, - batch_size=64, - ignore_extra_tokens=False, - ignore_start_end=False, - dataset_type=BertJointIntentSlotDataset, - **kwargs - ): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - dataset_params = { - 'input_file': input_file, - 'slot_file': slot_file, - 'pad_label': pad_label, - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - 'num_samples': num_samples, - 'shuffle': shuffle, - 'ignore_extra_tokens': ignore_extra_tokens, - 'ignore_start_end': ignore_start_end, - } - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - -class BertJointIntentSlotInferDataLayer(TextDataLayer): - """ - Creates the data layer to use for the task of joint intent - and slot classification with pretrained model. This is for - - All the data processing is done in BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset. - - input_mask: used to ignore some of the input tokens like paddings - - loss_mask: used to mask and ignore tokens in the loss function - - subtokens_mask: used to ignore the outputs of unwanted tokens in - the inference and evaluation like the start and end tokens - - Args: - dataset (BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset): - the dataset that needs to be converted to DataLayerNM - """ - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - loss_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - subtokens_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "subtokens_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - def __init__( - self, queries, tokenizer, max_seq_length, batch_size=1, dataset_type=BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset, **kwargs - ): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - dataset_params = { - 'queries': queries, - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - } - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - -class LanguageModelingDataLayer(TextDataLayer): - """ - Data layer for standard language modeling task. - - Args: - dataset (str): path to text document with data - tokenizer (TokenizerSpec): tokenizer - max_seq_length (int): maximum allowed length of the text segments - batch_step (int): how many tokens to skip between two successive - segments of text when constructing batches - """ - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: indices of tokens which constitute batches of text segments - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of tokens to be masked - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - labels: indices of tokens which should be predicted from each of the - corresponding tokens in input_ids; for left-to-right language - modeling equals to input_ids shifted by 1 to the right - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - def __init__( - self, dataset, tokenizer, max_seq_length, batch_step=128, dataset_type=LanguageModelingDataset, **kwargs - ): - dataset_params = { - 'dataset': dataset, - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - 'batch_step': batch_step, - } - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - -class BertTokenClassificationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - loss_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - subtokens_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - labels: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "subtokens_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - def __init__( - self, - text_file, - label_file, - tokenizer, - max_seq_length, - pad_label='O', - label_ids=None, - num_samples=-1, - shuffle=False, - batch_size=64, - ignore_extra_tokens=False, - ignore_start_end=False, - use_cache=False, - dataset_type=BertTokenClassificationDataset, - **kwargs - ): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - dataset_params = { - 'text_file': text_file, - 'label_file': label_file, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'num_samples': num_samples, - 'shuffle': shuffle, - 'pad_label': pad_label, - 'label_ids': label_ids, - 'ignore_extra_tokens': ignore_extra_tokens, - 'ignore_start_end': ignore_start_end, - 'use_cache': use_cache, - } - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - -class BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer(TextDataLayer): - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - loss_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - subtokens_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "subtokens_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - def __init__( - self, - queries, - tokenizer, - max_seq_length, - batch_size=1, - dataset_type=BertTokenClassificationInferDataset, - **kwargs - ): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - dataset_params = { - 'queries': queries, - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - } - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - -class BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - loss_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - subtokens_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - punct_labels: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - capit_labels: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "subtokens_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "punct_labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "capit_labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - def __init__( - self, - text_file, - label_file, - tokenizer, - max_seq_length, - pad_label='O', - punct_label_ids=None, - capit_label_ids=None, - num_samples=-1, - shuffle=False, - batch_size=64, - ignore_extra_tokens=False, - ignore_start_end=False, - use_cache=False, - dataset_type=BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataset, - **kwargs - ): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - dataset_params = { - 'text_file': text_file, - 'label_file': label_file, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'num_samples': num_samples, - 'shuffle': shuffle, - 'pad_label': pad_label, - 'punct_label_ids': punct_label_ids, - 'capit_label_ids': capit_label_ids, - 'ignore_extra_tokens': ignore_extra_tokens, - 'ignore_start_end': ignore_start_end, - 'use_cache': use_cache, - } - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - -class BertPunctuationCapitalizationInferDataLayer(TextDataLayer): - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - loss_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - subtokens_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "subtokens_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - def __init__( - self, - queries, - tokenizer, - max_seq_length, - batch_size=1, - dataset_type=BertTokenClassificationInferDataset, - **kwargs - ): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - dataset_params = { - 'queries': queries, - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - } - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - -class BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer(TextDataLayer): - """ - Creates the data layer to use for Question Answering classification task. - - Args: - data_dir (str): Directory that contains train.*.json and dev.*.json. - tokenizer (obj): Tokenizer object, e.g. NemoBertTokenizer. - version_2_with_negative (bool): True if training should allow - unanswerable questions. - doc_stride (int): When splitting up a long document into chunks, - how much stride to take between chunks. - max_query_length (iny): All training files which have a duration less - than min_duration are dropped. Can't be used if the `utt2dur` file - does not exist. Defaults to None. - max_seq_length (int): All training files which have a duration more - than max_duration are dropped. Can't be used if the `utt2dur` file - does not exist. Defaults to None. - mode (str): Use "train" or "dev" to define between - training and evaluation. - batch_size (int): Batch size. Defaults to 64. - dataset_type (class): Question Answering class. - Defaults to SquadDataset. - """ - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - start_positions: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - end_positions: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - unique_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "start_positions": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), - "end_positions": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), - "unique_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), - } - - def __init__( - self, - data_dir, - tokenizer, - version_2_with_negative, - doc_stride, - max_query_length, - max_seq_length, - mode="train", - batch_size=64, - dataset_type=SquadDataset, - **kwargs - ): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - dataset_params = { - 'data_dir': data_dir, - 'mode': mode, - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'version_2_with_negative': version_2_with_negative, - 'max_query_length': max_query_length, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - 'doc_stride': doc_stride, - } - - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - -class BertPretrainingDataLayer(TextDataLayer): - """ - Data layer for masked language modeling task. - - Args: - tokenizer (TokenizerSpec): tokenizer - dataset (str): directory or a single file with dataset documents - max_seq_length (int): maximum allowed length of the text segments - mask_probability (float): probability of masking input sequence tokens - batch_size (int): batch size in segments - short_seeq_prob (float): Probability of creating sequences which are - shorter than the maximum length. - Defualts to 0.1. - """ - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: indices of tokens which constitute batches of text segments - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: indices of token types (e.g., sentences A & B in BERT) - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of tokens to be masked - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - output_ids: indices of output tokens which should be predicted - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - output_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of tokens to be excluded - from loss calculation - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - labels: indices of classes to be predicted from [CLS] token of text - segments (e.g, 0 or 1 in next sentence prediction task) - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "output_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "output_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), - } - - def __init__( - self, tokenizer, dataset, max_seq_length, mask_probability, short_seq_prob=0.1, batch_size=64, **kwargs - ): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - dataset_params = { - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'dataset': dataset, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - 'mask_probability': mask_probability, - 'short_seq_prob': short_seq_prob, - } - super().__init__(BertPretrainingDataset, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - -class BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataLayer(DataLayerNM): - """ - Data layer for masked language modeling task. - - Args: - tokenizer (TokenizerSpec): tokenizer - dataset (str): directory or a single file with dataset documents - max_seq_length (int): maximum allowed length of the text segments - mask_probability (float): probability of masking input sequence tokens - batch_size (int): batch size in segments - short_seeq_prob (float): Probability of creating sequences which are - shorter than the maximum length. - Defualts to 0.1. - """ - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: indices of tokens which constitute batches of text segments - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: indices of token types (e.g., sentences A & B in BERT) - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of tokens to be masked - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - output_ids: indices of output tokens which should be predicted - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - output_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of tokens to be excluded - from loss calculation - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - labels: indices of classes to be predicted from [CLS] token of text - segments (e.g, 0 or 1 in next sentence prediction task) - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "output_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "output_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), - } - - def __init__(self, dataset, max_pred_length, batch_size=64, training=True, **kwargs): - - if os.path.isdir(dataset): - self.files = [ - os.path.join(dataset, f) for f in os.listdir(dataset) if os.path.isfile(os.path.join(dataset, f)) - ] - else: - self.files = [dataset] - self.files.sort() - self.num_files = len(self.files) - self.batch_size = batch_size - self.max_pred_length = max_pred_length - self.training = training - total_length = 0 - for f in self.files: - fp = h5py.File(f, 'r') - total_length += len(fp['input_ids']) - fp.close() - self.total_length = total_length - super().__init__(**kwargs) - - def _collate_fn(self, x): - num_components = len(x[0]) - components = [[] for _ in range(num_components)] - batch_size = len(x) - for i in range(batch_size): - for j in range(num_components): - components[j].append(x[i][j]) - src_ids, src_segment_ids, src_mask, tgt_ids, tgt_mask, sent_ids = [np.stack(x, axis=0) for x in components] - src_ids = torch.Tensor(src_ids).long().to(self._device) - src_segment_ids = torch.Tensor(src_segment_ids).long().to(self._device) - src_mask = torch.Tensor(src_mask).long().to(self._device) - tgt_ids = torch.Tensor(tgt_ids).long().to(self._device) - tgt_mask = torch.Tensor(tgt_mask).long().to(self._device) - sent_ids = torch.Tensor(sent_ids).long().to(self._device) - return src_ids, src_segment_ids, src_mask, tgt_ids, tgt_mask, sent_ids - - def __len__(self): - return self.total_length - - @property - def dataset(self): - return None - - @property - def data_iterator(self): - while True: - if self.training: - random.shuffle(self.files) - for f_id in range(self.num_files): - data_file = self.files[f_id] - train_data = BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataset( - input_file=data_file, max_pred_length=self.max_pred_length - ) - train_sampler = pt_data.RandomSampler(train_data) - train_dataloader = pt_data.DataLoader( - dataset=train_data, - batch_size=self.batch_size, - collate_fn=self._collate_fn, - shuffle=train_sampler is None, - sampler=train_sampler, - ) - for x in train_dataloader: - yield x - - -class TranslationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): - """ - Data layer for neural machine translation from source (src) language to - target (tgt) language. - - Args: - tokenizer_src (TokenizerSpec): source language tokenizer - tokenizer_tgt (TokenizerSpec): target language tokenizer - dataset_src (str): path to source data - dataset_tgt (str): path to target data - tokens_in_batch (int): maximum allowed number of tokens in batches, - batches will be constructed to minimize the use of tokens - clean (bool): whether to use parallel data cleaning such as removing - pairs with big difference in sentences length, removing pairs with - the same tokens in src and tgt, etc; useful for training data layer - and should not be used in evaluation data layer - """ - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - src_ids: indices of tokens which correspond to source sentences - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - src_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of source tokens to be masked - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - tgt_ids: indices of tokens which correspond to target sentences - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - tgt_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of target tokens to be masked - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - labels: indices of tokens which should be predicted from each of the - corresponding target tokens in tgt_ids; for standard neural - machine translation equals to tgt_ids shifted by 1 to the right - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - sent_ids: indices of the sentences in a batch; important for - evaluation with external metrics, such as SacreBLEU - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - """ - return { - "src_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "src_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "tgt_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "tgt_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "sent_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), - } - - def __init__( - self, - tokenizer_src, - tokenizer_tgt, - dataset_src, - dataset_tgt, - tokens_in_batch=1024, - clean=False, - dataset_type=TranslationDataset, - **kwargs - ): - dataset_params = { - 'tokenizer_src': tokenizer_src, - 'tokenizer_tgt': tokenizer_tgt, - 'dataset_src': dataset_src, - 'dataset_tgt': dataset_tgt, - 'tokens_in_batch': tokens_in_batch, - 'clean': clean, - } - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - if self._placement == nemo.core.DeviceType.AllGpu: - sampler = pt_data.distributed.DistributedSampler(self._dataset) - else: - sampler = None - - self._dataloader = pt_data.DataLoader( - dataset=self._dataset, batch_size=1, collate_fn=self._collate_fn, shuffle=sampler is None, sampler=sampler, - ) - - def _collate_fn(self, x): - src_ids, src_mask, tgt_ids, tgt_mask, labels, sent_ids = x[0] - src_ids = torch.Tensor(src_ids).long().to(self._device) - src_mask = torch.Tensor(src_mask).float().to(self._device) - tgt_ids = torch.Tensor(tgt_ids).long().to(self._device) - tgt_mask = torch.Tensor(tgt_mask).float().to(self._device) - labels = torch.Tensor(labels).long().to(self._device) - sent_ids = torch.Tensor(sent_ids).long().to(self._device) - return src_ids, src_mask, tgt_ids, tgt_mask, labels, sent_ids - - @property - def dataset(self): - return None - - @property - def data_iterator(self): - return self._dataloader - - -class GlueDataLayerClassification(TextDataLayer): - """ - Creates the data layer to use for the GLUE classification tasks, - more details here: https://gluebenchmark.com/tasks - - All the data processing is done in GLUEDataset. - - Args: - dataset_type (GLUEDataset): - the dataset that needs to be converted to DataLayerNM - """ - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - labels: - 0: AxisType(CategoricalTag) - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(CategoricalTag),}), - } - - def __init__( - self, - data_dir, - tokenizer, - max_seq_length, - processor, - evaluate=False, - token_params={}, - num_samples=-1, - shuffle=False, - batch_size=64, - dataset_type=GLUEDataset, - **kwargs - ): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - dataset_params = { - 'data_dir': data_dir, - 'output_mode': 'classification', - 'processor': processor, - 'evaluate': evaluate, - 'token_params': token_params, - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - } - - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) - - -class GlueDataLayerRegression(TextDataLayer): - """ - Creates the data layer to use for the GLUE STS-B regression task, - more details here: https://gluebenchmark.com/tasks - - All the data processing is done in GLUEDataset. - - Args: - dataset_type (GLUEDataset): - the dataset that needs to be converted to DataLayerNM - """ - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - input_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_type_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - input_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - labels: - 0: AxisType(RegressionTag) - """ - return { - "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(RegressionTag),}), - } - - def __init__( - self, - data_dir, - tokenizer, - max_seq_length, - processor, - evaluate=False, - token_params={}, - num_samples=-1, - shuffle=False, - batch_size=64, - dataset_type=GLUEDataset, - **kwargs - ): - kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size - dataset_params = { - 'data_dir': data_dir, - 'output_mode': 'regression', - 'processor': processor, - 'evaluate': evaluate, - 'token_params': token_params, - 'tokenizer': tokenizer, - 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, - } - - super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py deleted file mode 100644 index 16d625ef43af..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/losses.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,470 +0,0 @@ -import torch -from torch import nn - -from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens -from nemo.core.neural_types import * - -__all__ = [ - 'JointIntentSlotLoss', - 'LossAggregatorNM', - 'MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM', - 'PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM', - 'QuestionAnsweringLoss', - 'SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss', - 'TokenClassificationLoss', -] - - -class SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss(torch.nn.Module): - """ - Cross-entropy loss with label smoothing for a batch of sequences. - - Args: - label_smoothing (float): label smoothing coefficient, usually set - between 0.0 and 0.1 in language modeling - and translation pipelines - predict_last_k (int): int parameter which sets the number of last - tokens to calculate the loss for, for example - 0: (default) calculate loss on the entire sequence (e.g., NMT) - 1: calculate loss on the last token only (e.g., LM evaluation) - Intermediate values allow to control the trade-off between eval - time (proportional to the number of batches) and eval performance - (proportional to the number of context tokens). - """ - - def __init__(self, label_smoothing=0.0, predict_last_k=0): - super().__init__() - self._smoothing = label_smoothing - self._predict_last_k = predict_last_k - - def forward(self, logits, output_ids, output_mask, eps=1e-6): - """ - Args: - logits: float tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len x vocab_size - output_ids: int tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len - output_mask: binary tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len - """ - batch_size, seq_len, vocab_size = logits.size() - smoothing = vocab_size * self._smoothing / (vocab_size - 1) - target_logits = logits.gather(2, output_ids.unsqueeze(2)).squeeze(2) - smoothing_logits = logits.mean(dim=-1) - neg_log_likelihood = (1.0 - smoothing) * target_logits + smoothing * smoothing_logits - neg_log_likelihood = neg_log_likelihood[:, -self._predict_last_k :] - output_mask = output_mask[:, -self._predict_last_k :] - neg_log_likelihood = -torch.sum(neg_log_likelihood * output_mask) - neg_log_likelihood = neg_log_likelihood / (output_mask.sum() + eps) - return neg_log_likelihood - - -class QuestionAnsweringLoss(LossNM): - """ - Neural module which implements QuestionAnswering loss. - Args: - logits: Output of question answering head, which is a token classfier. - start_positions: Ground truth start positions of the answer w.r.t. - input sequence. If question is unanswerable, this will be - pointing to start token, e.g. [CLS], of the input sequence. - end_positions: Ground truth end positions of the answer w.r.t. - input sequence. If question is unanswerable, this will be - pointing to start token, e.g. [CLS], of the input sequence. - """ - - @property - def input_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module input ports. - - logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - - start_positions: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - end_positions: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - """ - return { - "logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}), - "start_positions": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), - "end_positions": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), - } - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - loss: - NeuralType(None) - - start_logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - end_logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - """ - return { - "loss": NeuralType(None), - "start_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "end_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - def __init__(self, **kwargs): - LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) - - def _loss_function(self, **kwargs): - logits = kwargs['logits'] - start_positions = kwargs['start_positions'] - end_positions = kwargs['end_positions'] - start_logits, end_logits = logits.split(1, dim=-1) - start_logits = start_logits.squeeze(-1) - end_logits = end_logits.squeeze(-1) - # If we are on multi-GPU, split add a dimension - if len(start_positions.size()) > 1: - start_positions = start_positions.squeeze(-1) - if len(end_positions.size()) > 1: - end_positions = end_positions.squeeze(-1) - ignored_index = start_logits.size(1) - start_positions.clamp_(0, ignored_index) - end_positions.clamp_(0, ignored_index) - - loss_fct = nn.CrossEntropyLoss(ignore_index=ignored_index) - start_loss = loss_fct(start_logits, start_positions) - end_loss = loss_fct(end_logits, end_positions) - total_loss = (start_loss + end_loss) / 2 - return total_loss, start_logits, end_logits - - -class MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM(LossNM): - """ - Neural module which implements Masked Language Modeling (MLM) loss. - - Args: - label_smoothing (float): label smoothing regularization coefficient - """ - - @property - def input_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module input ports. - - logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - - output_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - output_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - """ - return { - "logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}), - "output_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "output_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - loss: - NeuralType(None) - """ - return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} - - def __init__(self, label_smoothing=0.0, **kwargs): - LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) - self._criterion = SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss(label_smoothing) - - def _loss_function(self, logits, output_ids, output_mask): - loss = self._criterion(logits, output_ids, output_mask) - return loss - - -class LossAggregatorNM(LossNM): - """ - Neural module which combines sums several losses into one. - - Args: - num_inputs (int): number of input losses - """ - - @property - def input_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module input ports. - - """ - input_ports = {} - for i in range(self.num_losses): - input_ports["loss_" + str(i + 1)] = NeuralType(None) - - return input_ports - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - loss: - NeuralType(None) - """ - return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} - - def __init__(self, *, num_inputs=2, **kwargs): - # Store number of inputs/losses. - self.num_losses = num_inputs - # kwargs["create_port_args"] = {"num_losses": num_inputs} - LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) - - def _loss_function(self, **kwargs): - values = [kwargs[x] for x in sorted(kwargs.keys())] - loss = values[0] - for loss_i in values[1:]: - loss = loss.add(loss_i) - return loss - - -class TokenClassificationLoss(LossNM): - """ - Neural module which implements Token Classification loss. - - Args: - num_classes (int): number of classes in a classifier, e.g. size - of the vocabulary in language modeling objective - logits (float): output of the classifier - labels (long): ground truth labels - loss_mask (long): to differentiate from original tokens and paddings - """ - - @property - def input_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module input ports. - - logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - - labels: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - loss_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - """ - return { - "logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}), - "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - loss: - NeuralType(None) - """ - return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} - - def __init__(self, num_classes, class_weights=None, **kwargs): - LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) - if class_weights: - class_weights = torch.FloatTensor(class_weights).to(self._device) - - self._criterion = nn.CrossEntropyLoss(weight=class_weights) - self.num_classes = num_classes - - def _loss_function(self, logits, labels, loss_mask): - active_loss = loss_mask.view(-1) > 0.5 - active_logits = logits.view(-1, self.num_classes)[active_loss] - active_labels = labels.view(-1)[active_loss] - - loss = self._criterion(active_logits, active_labels) - return loss - - -class JointIntentSlotLoss(LossNM): - """ - Loss function for the joint intent classification and slot - filling task. - - The loss is a joint loss of both tasks, aim to maximize: - p(y^i | x)P(y^s1, y^s2, ..., y^sn | x) - - with y^i being the predicted intent and y^s1, y^s2, ..., y^sn - are the predicted slots corresponding to x1, x2, ..., xn. - - Args: - hidden_states: output of the hidden layers - intents: ground truth intents, - slots: ground truth slots. - input_mask: to differentiate from original tokens and paddings - intent_loss_weight: the loss is the sum of: - intent_loss_weight * intent_loss + - (1 - intent_loss_weight) * slot_loss - - """ - - @property - def input_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module input ports. - - intent_logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) - - slot_logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - - loss_mask: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - intents: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - slots: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - """ - return { - "intent_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), - "slot_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}), - "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "intents": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag),}), - "slots": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - loss: - NeuralType(None) - """ - return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} - - def __init__( - self, - num_slots, - slot_classes_loss_weights=None, - intent_classes_loss_weights=None, - intent_loss_weight=0.6, - **kwargs - ): - LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) - self.num_slots = num_slots - self.intent_loss_weight = intent_loss_weight - self.slot_classes_loss_weights = slot_classes_loss_weights - self.intent_classes_loss_weights = intent_classes_loss_weights - - # For weighted loss to tackle class imbalance - if slot_classes_loss_weights: - self.slot_classes_loss_weights = torch.FloatTensor(slot_classes_loss_weights).to(self._device) - - if intent_classes_loss_weights: - self.intent_classes_loss_weights = torch.FloatTensor(intent_classes_loss_weights).to(self._device) - - self._criterion_intent = nn.CrossEntropyLoss(weight=self.intent_classes_loss_weights) - self._criterion_slot = nn.CrossEntropyLoss(weight=self.slot_classes_loss_weights) - - def _loss_function(self, intent_logits, slot_logits, loss_mask, intents, slots): - intent_loss = self._criterion_intent(intent_logits, intents) - - active_loss = loss_mask.view(-1) > 0.5 - active_logits = slot_logits.view(-1, self.num_slots)[active_loss] - active_labels = slots.view(-1)[active_loss] - - # To support empty active_labels - if len(active_labels) == 0: - slot_loss = 0.0 - else: - slot_loss = self._criterion_slot(active_logits, active_labels) - loss = intent_loss * self.intent_loss_weight + slot_loss * (1 - self.intent_loss_weight) - - return loss - - -class PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM(LossNM): - """ - Neural module which calculates CrossEntropyLoss and - 1) excludes padding tokens from loss calculation - 2) allows to use label smoothing regularization - 3) allows to calculate loss for the desired number of last tokens - - Args: - label_smoothing (float): label smoothing regularization coefficient - predict_last_k (int): how many last tokens to use for the loss - calculation, important for fast evaluation of LM perplexity - """ - - @property - def input_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module input ports. - - logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - - target_ids: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - """ - return { - "logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}), - "target_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - } - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - loss: - NeuralType(None) - """ - return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} - - def __init__(self, **kwargs): - LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) - - loss_params = { - "label_smoothing": self.local_parameters.get("label_smoothing", 0), - "predict_last_k": self.local_parameters.get("predict_last_k", 0), - } - self._loss_fn = SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss(**loss_params) - self._pad_id = self.local_parameters['pad_id'] - - def _loss_function(self, logits, target_ids): - target_mask = mask_padded_tokens(target_ids, self._pad_id).to(logits.dtype) - loss = self._loss_fn(logits, target_ids, target_mask) - return loss diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py deleted file mode 100644 index 1c082cf5efc5..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/__init__.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2 +0,0 @@ -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.common import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py deleted file mode 100644 index 4369b9dd4e72..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/__init__.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3 +0,0 @@ -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.common.classifiers import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.common.decoders import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.common.encoders import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py deleted file mode 100644 index 12529fda33b8..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/classifiers.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,364 +0,0 @@ -__all__ = [ - 'TokenClassifier', - 'BertTokenClassifier', - 'SequenceClassifier', - 'JointIntentSlotClassifier', - 'SequenceRegression', -] - -import torch.nn as nn - -from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import MultiLayerPerceptron -from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM, TrainableNM -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import gelu, transformer_weights_init -from nemo.core.neural_types import * - -ACT2FN = {"gelu": gelu, "relu": nn.functional.relu} - - -class BertTokenClassifier(TrainableNM): - """ - Neural module which consists of MLP followed by softmax classifier for each - token in the sequence. - - Args: - hidden_size (int): hidden size (d_model) of the Transformer - num_classes (int): number of classes in softmax classifier, e.g. size - of the vocabulary in language modeling objective - num_layers (int): number of layers in classifier MLP - activation (str): activation function applied in classifier MLP layers - log_softmax (bool): whether to apply log_softmax to MLP output - dropout (float): dropout ratio applied to MLP - """ - - @property - def input_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module input ports. - - hidden_states: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - """ - return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),})} - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - """ - return {"logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),})} - - def __init__( - self, - hidden_size, - num_classes, - activation='relu', - log_softmax=True, - dropout=0.0, - use_transformer_pretrained=True, - ): - super().__init__() - if activation not in ACT2FN: - raise ValueError(f'activation "{activation}" not found') - self.dense = nn.Linear(hidden_size, hidden_size) - self.act = ACT2FN[activation] - self.norm = nn.LayerNorm(hidden_size, eps=1e-12) - self.mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron( - hidden_size, num_classes, self._device, num_layers=1, activation=activation, log_softmax=log_softmax, - ) - self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - if use_transformer_pretrained: - self.apply(lambda module: transformer_weights_init(module, xavier=False)) - self.to(self._device) - - def forward(self, hidden_states): - hidden_states = self.dropout(hidden_states) - hidden_states = self.dense(hidden_states) - hidden_states = self.act(hidden_states) - transform = self.norm(hidden_states) - logits = self.mlp(transform) - return logits - - -class TokenClassifier(TrainableNM): - """ - Neural module which consists of MLP followed by softmax classifier for each - token in the sequence. - - Args: - hidden_size (int): hidden size (d_model) of the Transformer - num_classes (int): number of classes in softmax classifier, e.g. size - of the vocabulary in language modeling objective - num_layers (int): number of layers in classifier MLP - activation (str): activation function applied in classifier MLP layers - log_softmax (bool): whether to apply log_softmax to MLP output - dropout (float): dropout ratio applied to MLP - """ - - @property - def input_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module input ports. - - hidden_states: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - """ - return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),})} - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - """ - return {"logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),})} - - def __init__( - self, - hidden_size, - num_classes, - name=None, - num_layers=2, - activation='relu', - log_softmax=True, - dropout=0.0, - use_transformer_pretrained=True, - ): - super().__init__() - - self.name = name - self.mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron(hidden_size, num_classes, self._device, num_layers, activation, log_softmax,) - self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - if use_transformer_pretrained: - self.apply(lambda module: transformer_weights_init(module, xavier=False)) - # self.to(self._device) # sometimes this is necessary - - def __str__(self): - name = TrainableNM.__str__(self) - - if self.name: - name = self.name + name - return name - - def forward(self, hidden_states): - hidden_states = self.dropout(hidden_states) - logits = self.mlp(hidden_states) - return logits - - -class SequenceClassifier(TrainableNM): - """ - Neural module which consists of MLP followed by softmax classifier for each - sequence in the batch. - - Args: - hidden_size (int): hidden size (d_model) of the Transformer - num_classes (int): number of classes in softmax classifier, e.g. number - of different sentiments - num_layers (int): number of layers in classifier MLP - activation (str): activation function applied in classifier MLP layers - log_softmax (bool): whether to apply log_softmax to MLP output - dropout (float): dropout ratio applied to MLP - """ - - @property - def input_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module input ports. - - hidden_states: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - """ - return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),})} - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) - """ - return {"logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} - - def __init__( - self, - hidden_size, - num_classes, - num_layers=2, - activation='relu', - log_softmax=True, - dropout=0.0, - use_transformer_pretrained=True, - ): - super().__init__() - self.mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron(hidden_size, num_classes, self._device, num_layers, activation, log_softmax,) - self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - if use_transformer_pretrained: - self.apply(lambda module: transformer_weights_init(module, xavier=False)) - # self.to(self._device) # sometimes this is necessary - - def forward(self, hidden_states, idx_conditioned_on=0): - hidden_states = self.dropout(hidden_states) - logits = self.mlp(hidden_states[:, idx_conditioned_on]) - return logits - - -class JointIntentSlotClassifier(TrainableNM): - """ - The softmax classifier for the joint intent classification and slot - filling task which consists of a dense layer + relu + softmax for - predicting the slots and similar for predicting the intents. - - Args: - hidden_size (int): the size of the hidden state for the dense layer - num_intents (int): number of intents - num_slots (int): number of slots - dropout (float): dropout to be applied to the layer - """ - - @property - def input_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module input ports. - - hidden_states: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - """ - return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),})} - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - intent_logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) - - slot_logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - """ - return { - "intent_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), - "slot_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}), - } - - def __init__( - self, hidden_size, num_intents, num_slots, dropout=0.0, use_transformer_pretrained=True, **kwargs, - ): - super().__init__(**kwargs) - self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - self.slot_mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron( - hidden_size, - num_classes=num_slots, - device=self._device, - num_layers=2, - activation='relu', - log_softmax=False, - ) - self.intent_mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron( - hidden_size, - num_classes=num_intents, - device=self._device, - num_layers=2, - activation='relu', - log_softmax=False, - ) - if use_transformer_pretrained: - self.apply(lambda module: transformer_weights_init(module, xavier=False)) - # self.to(self._device) - - def forward(self, hidden_states): - hidden_states = self.dropout(hidden_states) - intent_logits = self.intent_mlp(hidden_states[:, 0]) - slot_logits = self.slot_mlp(hidden_states) - return intent_logits, slot_logits - - -class SequenceRegression(TrainableNM): - """ - Neural module which consists of MLP, generates a single number prediction - that could be used for a regression task. An example of this task would be - semantic textual similatity task, for example, STS-B (from GLUE tasks). - - Args: - hidden_size (int): the size of the hidden state for the dense layer - num_layers (int): number of layers in classifier MLP - activation (str): activation function applied in classifier MLP layers - dropout (float): dropout ratio applied to MLP - """ - - @property - def input_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module input ports. - - hidden_states: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - """ - return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),})} - - @property - def output_ports(self): - """Returns definitions of module output ports. - - preds: - 0: AxisType(RegressionTag) - """ - return { - "preds": NeuralType({0: AxisType(RegressionTag)}), - } - - def __init__( - self, hidden_size, num_layers=2, activation='relu', dropout=0.0, use_transformer_pretrained=True, - ): - super().__init__() - self.mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron( - hidden_size, - num_classes=1, - device=self._device, - num_layers=num_layers, - activation=activation, - log_softmax=False, - ) - self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) - if use_transformer_pretrained: - self.apply(lambda module: transformer_weights_init(module, xavier=False)) - # self.to(self._device) # sometimes this is necessary - - def forward(self, hidden_states, idx_conditioned_on=0): - hidden_states = self.dropout(hidden_states) - preds = self.mlp(hidden_states[:, idx_conditioned_on]) - return preds.view(-1) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py deleted file mode 100755 index d8e9d9fb7867..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/__init__.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2 +0,0 @@ -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.huggingface import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/__init__.py deleted file mode 100644 index 97df31fb5177..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/__init__.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1 +0,0 @@ -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.huggingface.bert import BERT diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py deleted file mode 100644 index 8518c02337ea..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/__init__.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,6 +0,0 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.decoders import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.encoders import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.generators import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.modules import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.transformer_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..e12f24871099 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.nontrainables +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..efc29b84ae91 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,10 @@ +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.glue_benchmark_datalayer import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.joint_intent_slot_datalayer import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.lm_bert_datalayer import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.lm_transformer_datalayer import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.machine_translation_datalayer import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.punctuation_capitalization_datalayer import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.qa_squad_datalayer import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_classification_datalayer import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.token_classification_datalayer import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..8f7c4f11dcf8 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py @@ -0,0 +1,142 @@ +__all__ = ['GlueClassificationDataLayer', 'GlueRegressionDataLayer'] +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import GLUEDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, CategoricalTag, NeuralType, RegressionTag, TimeTag + + +class GlueClassificationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + """ + Creates the data layer to use for the GLUE classification tasks, + more details here: https://gluebenchmark.com/tasks + + All the data processing is done in GLUEDataset. + + Args: + dataset_type (GLUEDataset): + the dataset that needs to be converted to DataLayerNM + """ + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_type_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + labels: + 0: AxisType(CategoricalTag) + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(CategoricalTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, + data_dir, + tokenizer, + max_seq_length, + processor, + evaluate=False, + token_params={}, + num_samples=-1, + shuffle=False, + batch_size=64, + dataset_type=GLUEDataset, + **kwargs + ): + kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + dataset_params = { + 'data_dir': data_dir, + 'output_mode': 'classification', + 'processor': processor, + 'evaluate': evaluate, + 'token_params': token_params, + 'tokenizer': tokenizer, + 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, + } + + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) + + +class GlueRegressionDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + """ + Creates the data layer to use for the GLUE STS-B regression task, + more details here: https://gluebenchmark.com/tasks + + All the data processing is done in GLUEDataset. + + Args: + dataset_type (GLUEDataset): + the dataset that needs to be converted to DataLayerNM + """ + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_type_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + labels: + 0: AxisType(RegressionTag) + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(RegressionTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, + data_dir, + tokenizer, + max_seq_length, + processor, + evaluate=False, + token_params={}, + num_samples=-1, + shuffle=False, + batch_size=64, + dataset_type=GLUEDataset, + **kwargs + ): + kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + dataset_params = { + 'data_dir': data_dir, + 'output_mode': 'regression', + 'processor': processor, + 'evaluate': evaluate, + 'token_params': token_params, + 'tokenizer': tokenizer, + 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, + } + + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..127ce3c3eef5 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py @@ -0,0 +1,165 @@ +__all__ = ['BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer', 'BertJointIntentSlotInferDataLayer'] +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertJointIntentSlotDataset, BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + """ + Creates the data layer to use for the task of joint intent + and slot classification with pretrained model. + + All the data processing is done in BertJointIntentSlotDataset. + + input_mask: used to ignore some of the input tokens like paddings + + loss_mask: used to mask and ignore tokens in the loss function + + subtokens_mask: used to ignore the outputs of unwanted tokens in + the inference and evaluation like the start and end tokens + + Args: + dataset (BertJointIntentSlotDataset): + the dataset that needs to be converted to DataLayerNM + """ + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_type_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + loss_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + subtokens_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + intents: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + slots: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "subtokens_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "intents": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + "slots": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, + input_file, + slot_file, + pad_label, + tokenizer, + max_seq_length, + num_samples=-1, + shuffle=False, + batch_size=64, + ignore_extra_tokens=False, + ignore_start_end=False, + dataset_type=BertJointIntentSlotDataset, + **kwargs + ): + kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + dataset_params = { + 'input_file': input_file, + 'slot_file': slot_file, + 'pad_label': pad_label, + 'tokenizer': tokenizer, + 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, + 'num_samples': num_samples, + 'shuffle': shuffle, + 'ignore_extra_tokens': ignore_extra_tokens, + 'ignore_start_end': ignore_start_end, + } + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) + + +class BertJointIntentSlotInferDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + """ + Creates the data layer to use for the task of joint intent + and slot classification with pretrained model. This is for + + All the data processing is done in BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset. + + input_mask: used to ignore some of the input tokens like paddings + + loss_mask: used to mask and ignore tokens in the loss function + + subtokens_mask: used to ignore the outputs of unwanted tokens in + the inference and evaluation like the start and end tokens + + Args: + dataset (BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset): + the dataset that needs to be converted to DataLayerNM + """ + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_type_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + loss_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + subtokens_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "subtokens_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, queries, tokenizer, max_seq_length, batch_size=1, dataset_type=BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset, **kwargs + ): + kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + dataset_params = {'queries': queries, 'tokenizer': tokenizer, 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length} + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..abe1d711f63d --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py @@ -0,0 +1,211 @@ +__all__ = ['BertPretrainingDataLayer', 'BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataLayer'] +import os +import random + +import h5py +import numpy as np +import torch +from torch.utils import data as pt_data + +from nemo.backends.pytorch import DataLayerNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertPretrainingDataset, BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class BertPretrainingDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + """ + Data layer for masked language modeling task. + + Args: + tokenizer (TokenizerSpec): tokenizer + dataset (str): directory or a single file with dataset documents + max_seq_length (int): maximum allowed length of the text segments + mask_probability (float): probability of masking input sequence tokens + batch_size (int): batch size in segments + short_seeq_prob (float): Probability of creating sequences which are + shorter than the maximum length. + Defualts to 0.1. + """ + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: indices of tokens which constitute batches of text segments + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_type_ids: indices of token types (e.g., sentences A & B in BERT) + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of tokens to be masked + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + output_ids: indices of output tokens which should be predicted + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + output_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of tokens to be excluded + from loss calculation + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + labels: indices of classes to be predicted from [CLS] token of text + segments (e.g, 0 or 1 in next sentence prediction task) + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "output_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "output_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, tokenizer, dataset, max_seq_length, mask_probability, short_seq_prob=0.1, batch_size=64, **kwargs + ): + kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + dataset_params = { + 'tokenizer': tokenizer, + 'dataset': dataset, + 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, + 'mask_probability': mask_probability, + 'short_seq_prob': short_seq_prob, + } + super().__init__(BertPretrainingDataset, dataset_params, **kwargs) + + +class BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataLayer(DataLayerNM): + """ + Data layer for masked language modeling task. + + Args: + tokenizer (TokenizerSpec): tokenizer + dataset (str): directory or a single file with dataset documents + max_seq_length (int): maximum allowed length of the text segments + mask_probability (float): probability of masking input sequence tokens + batch_size (int): batch size in segments + short_seeq_prob (float): Probability of creating sequences which are + shorter than the maximum length. + Defualts to 0.1. + """ + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: indices of tokens which constitute batches of text segments + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_type_ids: indices of token types (e.g., sentences A & B in BERT) + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of tokens to be masked + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + output_ids: indices of output tokens which should be predicted + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + output_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of tokens to be excluded + from loss calculation + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + labels: indices of classes to be predicted from [CLS] token of text + segments (e.g, 0 or 1 in next sentence prediction task) + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "output_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "output_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + } + + def __init__(self, dataset, max_pred_length, batch_size=64, training=True, **kwargs): + + if os.path.isdir(dataset): + self.files = [ + os.path.join(dataset, f) for f in os.listdir(dataset) if os.path.isfile(os.path.join(dataset, f)) + ] + else: + self.files = [dataset] + self.files.sort() + self.num_files = len(self.files) + self.batch_size = batch_size + self.max_pred_length = max_pred_length + self.training = training + total_length = 0 + for f in self.files: + fp = h5py.File(f, 'r') + total_length += len(fp['input_ids']) + fp.close() + self.total_length = total_length + super().__init__(**kwargs) + + def _collate_fn(self, x): + num_components = len(x[0]) + components = [[] for _ in range(num_components)] + batch_size = len(x) + for i in range(batch_size): + for j in range(num_components): + components[j].append(x[i][j]) + src_ids, src_segment_ids, src_mask, tgt_ids, tgt_mask, sent_ids = [np.stack(x, axis=0) for x in components] + src_ids = torch.Tensor(src_ids).long().to(self._device) + src_segment_ids = torch.Tensor(src_segment_ids).long().to(self._device) + src_mask = torch.Tensor(src_mask).long().to(self._device) + tgt_ids = torch.Tensor(tgt_ids).long().to(self._device) + tgt_mask = torch.Tensor(tgt_mask).long().to(self._device) + sent_ids = torch.Tensor(sent_ids).long().to(self._device) + return src_ids, src_segment_ids, src_mask, tgt_ids, tgt_mask, sent_ids + + def __len__(self): + return self.total_length + + @property + def dataset(self): + return None + + @property + def data_iterator(self): + while True: + if self.training: + random.shuffle(self.files) + for f_id in range(self.num_files): + data_file = self.files[f_id] + train_data = BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataset( + input_file=data_file, max_pred_length=self.max_pred_length + ) + train_sampler = pt_data.RandomSampler(train_data) + train_dataloader = pt_data.DataLoader( + dataset=train_data, + batch_size=self.batch_size, + collate_fn=self._collate_fn, + shuffle=train_sampler is None, + sampler=train_sampler, + ) + for x in train_dataloader: + yield x diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..0bcc95bd6911 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py @@ -0,0 +1,55 @@ +__all__ = ['LanguageModelingDataLayer'] +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import LanguageModelingDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class LanguageModelingDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + """ + Data layer for standard language modeling task. + + Args: + dataset (str): path to text document with data + tokenizer (TokenizerSpec): tokenizer + max_seq_length (int): maximum allowed length of the text segments + batch_step (int): how many tokens to skip between two successive + segments of text when constructing batches + """ + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: indices of tokens which constitute batches of text segments + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of tokens to be masked + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + labels: indices of tokens which should be predicted from each of the + corresponding tokens in input_ids; for left-to-right language + modeling equals to input_ids shifted by 1 to the right + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, dataset, tokenizer, max_seq_length, batch_step=128, dataset_type=LanguageModelingDataset, **kwargs + ): + dataset_params = { + 'dataset': dataset, + 'tokenizer': tokenizer, + 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, + 'batch_step': batch_step, + } + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..a9a3d21d0e2e --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py @@ -0,0 +1,120 @@ +__all__ = ['TranslationDataLayer'] +import torch +from torch.utils import data as pt_data + +import nemo +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import TranslationDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class TranslationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + """ + Data layer for neural machine translation from source (src) language to + target (tgt) language. + + Args: + tokenizer_src (TokenizerSpec): source language tokenizer + tokenizer_tgt (TokenizerSpec): target language tokenizer + dataset_src (str): path to source data + dataset_tgt (str): path to target data + tokens_in_batch (int): maximum allowed number of tokens in batches, + batches will be constructed to minimize the use of tokens + clean (bool): whether to use parallel data cleaning such as removing + pairs with big difference in sentences length, removing pairs with + the same tokens in src and tgt, etc; useful for training data layer + and should not be used in evaluation data layer + """ + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + src_ids: indices of tokens which correspond to source sentences + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + src_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of source tokens to be masked + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + tgt_ids: indices of tokens which correspond to target sentences + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + tgt_mask: bool tensor with 0s in place of target tokens to be masked + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + labels: indices of tokens which should be predicted from each of the + corresponding target tokens in tgt_ids; for standard neural + machine translation equals to tgt_ids shifted by 1 to the right + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + sent_ids: indices of the sentences in a batch; important for + evaluation with external metrics, such as SacreBLEU + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + """ + return { + "src_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "src_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "tgt_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "tgt_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "sent_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, + tokenizer_src, + tokenizer_tgt, + dataset_src, + dataset_tgt, + tokens_in_batch=1024, + clean=False, + dataset_type=TranslationDataset, + **kwargs + ): + dataset_params = { + 'tokenizer_src': tokenizer_src, + 'tokenizer_tgt': tokenizer_tgt, + 'dataset_src': dataset_src, + 'dataset_tgt': dataset_tgt, + 'tokens_in_batch': tokens_in_batch, + 'clean': clean, + } + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) + + if self._placement == nemo.core.DeviceType.AllGpu: + sampler = pt_data.distributed.DistributedSampler(self._dataset) + else: + sampler = None + + self._dataloader = pt_data.DataLoader( + dataset=self._dataset, batch_size=1, collate_fn=self._collate_fn, shuffle=sampler is None, sampler=sampler + ) + + def _collate_fn(self, x): + src_ids, src_mask, tgt_ids, tgt_mask, labels, sent_ids = x[0] + src_ids = torch.Tensor(src_ids).long().to(self._device) + src_mask = torch.Tensor(src_mask).float().to(self._device) + tgt_ids = torch.Tensor(tgt_ids).long().to(self._device) + tgt_mask = torch.Tensor(tgt_mask).float().to(self._device) + labels = torch.Tensor(labels).long().to(self._device) + sent_ids = torch.Tensor(sent_ids).long().to(self._device) + return src_ids, src_mask, tgt_ids, tgt_mask, labels, sent_ids + + @property + def dataset(self): + return None + + @property + def data_iterator(self): + return self._dataloader diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..b9f77e76a975 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py @@ -0,0 +1,91 @@ +__all__ = ['PunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer'] +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class PunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_type_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + loss_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + subtokens_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + punct_labels: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + capit_labels: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "subtokens_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "punct_labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "capit_labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, + text_file, + label_file, + tokenizer, + max_seq_length, + pad_label='O', + punct_label_ids=None, + capit_label_ids=None, + num_samples=-1, + shuffle=False, + batch_size=64, + ignore_extra_tokens=False, + ignore_start_end=False, + use_cache=False, + dataset_type=BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataset, + **kwargs + ): + kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + dataset_params = { + 'text_file': text_file, + 'label_file': label_file, + 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, + 'tokenizer': tokenizer, + 'num_samples': num_samples, + 'shuffle': shuffle, + 'pad_label': pad_label, + 'punct_label_ids': punct_label_ids, + 'capit_label_ids': capit_label_ids, + 'ignore_extra_tokens': ignore_extra_tokens, + 'ignore_start_end': ignore_start_end, + 'use_cache': use_cache, + } + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..2f37c94faa7e --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py @@ -0,0 +1,93 @@ +__all__ = ['BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer'] +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import SquadDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + """ + Creates the data layer to use for Question Answering classification task. + + Args: + data_dir (str): Directory that contains train.*.json and dev.*.json. + tokenizer (obj): Tokenizer object, e.g. NemoBertTokenizer. + version_2_with_negative (bool): True if training should allow + unanswerable questions. + doc_stride (int): When splitting up a long document into chunks, + how much stride to take between chunks. + max_query_length (iny): All training files which have a duration less + than min_duration are dropped. Can't be used if the `utt2dur` file + does not exist. Defaults to None. + max_seq_length (int): All training files which have a duration more + than max_duration are dropped. Can't be used if the `utt2dur` file + does not exist. Defaults to None. + mode (str): Use "train" or "dev" to define between + training and evaluation. + batch_size (int): Batch size. Defaults to 64. + dataset_type (class): Question Answering class. + Defaults to SquadDataset. + """ + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_type_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + start_positions: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + end_positions: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + unique_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "start_positions": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + "end_positions": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + "unique_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, + data_dir, + tokenizer, + version_2_with_negative, + doc_stride, + max_query_length, + max_seq_length, + mode="train", + batch_size=64, + dataset_type=SquadDataset, + **kwargs + ): + kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + dataset_params = { + 'data_dir': data_dir, + 'mode': mode, + 'tokenizer': tokenizer, + 'version_2_with_negative': version_2_with_negative, + 'max_query_length': max_query_length, + 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, + 'doc_stride': doc_stride, + } + + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..b2ec2b106eb3 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py @@ -0,0 +1,68 @@ +__all__ = ['BertSentenceClassificationDataLayer'] +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertTextClassificationDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class BertSentenceClassificationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + """ + Creates the data layer to use for the task of sentence classification + with pretrained model. + + All the data processing is done BertSentenceClassificationDataset. + + Args: + dataset (BertTextClassificationDataset): + the dataset that needs to be converted to DataLayerNM + """ + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_type_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + labels: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, + input_file, + tokenizer, + max_seq_length, + num_samples=-1, + shuffle=False, + batch_size=64, + dataset_type=BertTextClassificationDataset, + **kwargs + ): + kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + dataset_params = { + 'input_file': input_file, + 'tokenizer': tokenizer, + 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, + 'num_samples': num_samples, + 'shuffle': shuffle, + } + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..1a066b323531 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py @@ -0,0 +1,29 @@ +__all__ = ['TextDataLayer'] + +from nemo.backends.pytorch import DataLayerNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import * + + +class TextDataLayer(DataLayerNM): + """ + Generic Text Data Layer NM which wraps PyTorch's dataset + + Args: + dataset_type: type of dataset used for this datalayer + dataset_params (dict): all the params for the dataset + """ + + def __init__(self, dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs): + super().__init__(**kwargs) + self._dataset = dataset_type(**dataset_params) + + def __len__(self): + return len(self._dataset) + + @property + def dataset(self): + return self._dataset + + @property + def data_iterator(self): + return None diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..90e54547341d --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py @@ -0,0 +1,135 @@ +__all__ = ['BertTokenClassificationDataLayer', 'BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer'] +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertTokenClassificationDataset, BertTokenClassificationInferDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class BertTokenClassificationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_type_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + loss_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + subtokens_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + labels: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "subtokens_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, + text_file, + label_file, + tokenizer, + max_seq_length, + pad_label='O', + label_ids=None, + num_samples=-1, + shuffle=False, + batch_size=64, + ignore_extra_tokens=False, + ignore_start_end=False, + use_cache=False, + dataset_type=BertTokenClassificationDataset, + **kwargs + ): + kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + dataset_params = { + 'text_file': text_file, + 'label_file': label_file, + 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length, + 'tokenizer': tokenizer, + 'num_samples': num_samples, + 'shuffle': shuffle, + 'pad_label': pad_label, + 'label_ids': label_ids, + 'ignore_extra_tokens': ignore_extra_tokens, + 'ignore_start_end': ignore_start_end, + 'use_cache': use_cache, + } + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) + + +class BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + input_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_type_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + input_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + loss_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + subtokens_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + """ + return { + "input_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_type_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "input_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "subtokens_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + } + + def __init__( + self, + queries, + tokenizer, + max_seq_length, + batch_size=1, + dataset_type=BertTokenClassificationInferDataset, + **kwargs + ): + kwargs['batch_size'] = batch_size + dataset_params = {'queries': queries, 'tokenizer': tokenizer, 'max_seq_length': max_seq_length} + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, **kwargs) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..6ddaefa20d79 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.aggregator_loss import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.joint_intent_slot_loss import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.masked_language_modeling_loss import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.qa_squad_loss import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.token_classification_loss import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..e17a9daab07f --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ +__all__ = ['LossAggregatorNM'] +from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM +from nemo.core import NeuralType + + +class LossAggregatorNM(LossNM): + """ + Neural module which combines sums several losses into one. + + Args: + num_inputs (int): number of input losses + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + """ + input_ports = {} + for i in range(self.num_losses): + input_ports["loss_" + str(i + 1)] = NeuralType(None) + + return input_ports + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + loss: + NeuralType(None) + """ + return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} + + def __init__(self, *, num_inputs=2, **kwargs): + # Store number of inputs/losses. + self.num_losses = num_inputs + # kwargs["create_port_args"] = {"num_losses": num_inputs} + LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) + + def _loss_function(self, **kwargs): + values = [kwargs[x] for x in sorted(kwargs.keys())] + loss = values[0] + for loss_i in values[1:]: + loss = loss.add(loss_i) + return loss diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..19cac0e328ee --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py @@ -0,0 +1,115 @@ +__all__ = ['JointIntentSlotLoss'] +import torch +from torch import nn + +from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class JointIntentSlotLoss(LossNM): + """ + Loss function for the joint intent classification and slot + filling task. + + The loss is a joint loss of both tasks, aim to maximize: + p(y^i | x)P(y^s1, y^s2, ..., y^sn | x) + + with y^i being the predicted intent and y^s1, y^s2, ..., y^sn + are the predicted slots corresponding to x1, x2, ..., xn. + + Args: + hidden_states: output of the hidden layers + intents: ground truth intents, + slots: ground truth slots. + input_mask: to differentiate from original tokens and paddings + intent_loss_weight: the loss is the sum of: + intent_loss_weight * intent_loss + + (1 - intent_loss_weight) * slot_loss + + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + intent_logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + slot_logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + loss_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + intents: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + slots: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + """ + return { + "intent_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + "slot_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "intents": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + "slots": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + } + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + loss: + NeuralType(None) + """ + return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} + + def __init__( + self, + num_slots, + slot_classes_loss_weights=None, + intent_classes_loss_weights=None, + intent_loss_weight=0.6, + **kwargs + ): + LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) + self.num_slots = num_slots + self.intent_loss_weight = intent_loss_weight + self.slot_classes_loss_weights = slot_classes_loss_weights + self.intent_classes_loss_weights = intent_classes_loss_weights + + # For weighted loss to tackle class imbalance + if slot_classes_loss_weights: + self.slot_classes_loss_weights = torch.FloatTensor(slot_classes_loss_weights).to(self._device) + + if intent_classes_loss_weights: + self.intent_classes_loss_weights = torch.FloatTensor(intent_classes_loss_weights).to(self._device) + + self._criterion_intent = nn.CrossEntropyLoss(weight=self.intent_classes_loss_weights) + self._criterion_slot = nn.CrossEntropyLoss(weight=self.slot_classes_loss_weights) + + def _loss_function(self, intent_logits, slot_logits, loss_mask, intents, slots): + intent_loss = self._criterion_intent(intent_logits, intents) + + active_loss = loss_mask.view(-1) > 0.5 + active_logits = slot_logits.view(-1, self.num_slots)[active_loss] + active_labels = slots.view(-1)[active_loss] + + # To support empty active_labels + if len(active_labels) == 0: + slot_loss = 0.0 + else: + slot_loss = self._criterion_slot(active_logits, active_labels) + loss = intent_loss * self.intent_loss_weight + slot_loss * (1 - self.intent_loss_weight) + + return loss diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..c1eb1c5469bc --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py @@ -0,0 +1,57 @@ +__all__ = ['MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM'] +from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM(LossNM): + """ + Neural module which implements Masked Language Modeling (MLM) loss. + + Args: + label_smoothing (float): label smoothing regularization coefficient + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + output_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + output_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + """ + return { + "logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + "output_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "output_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + } + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + loss: + NeuralType(None) + """ + return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} + + def __init__(self, label_smoothing=0.0, **kwargs): + LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) + self._criterion = SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss(label_smoothing) + + def _loss_function(self, logits, output_ids, output_mask): + loss = self._criterion(logits, output_ids, output_mask) + return loss diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..eaea04b0132f --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py @@ -0,0 +1,64 @@ +__all__ = ['PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM'] +from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM(LossNM): + """ + Neural module which calculates CrossEntropyLoss and + 1) excludes padding tokens from loss calculation + 2) allows to use label smoothing regularization + 3) allows to calculate loss for the desired number of last tokens + + Args: + label_smoothing (float): label smoothing regularization coefficient + predict_last_k (int): how many last tokens to use for the loss + calculation, important for fast evaluation of LM perplexity + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + target_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + """ + return { + "logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + "target_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + } + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + loss: + NeuralType(None) + """ + return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} + + def __init__(self, **kwargs): + LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) + + loss_params = { + "label_smoothing": self.local_parameters.get("label_smoothing", 0), + "predict_last_k": self.local_parameters.get("predict_last_k", 0), + } + self._loss_fn = SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss(**loss_params) + self._pad_id = self.local_parameters['pad_id'] + + def _loss_function(self, logits, target_ids): + target_mask = mask_padded_tokens(target_ids, self._pad_id).to(logits.dtype) + loss = self._loss_fn(logits, target_ids, target_mask) + return loss diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..b950734bacda --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py @@ -0,0 +1,90 @@ +__all__ = ['QuestionAnsweringLoss'] +from torch import nn + +from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class QuestionAnsweringLoss(LossNM): + """ + Neural module which implements QuestionAnswering loss. + Args: + logits: Output of question answering head, which is a token classfier. + start_positions: Ground truth start positions of the answer w.r.t. + input sequence. If question is unanswerable, this will be + pointing to start token, e.g. [CLS], of the input sequence. + end_positions: Ground truth end positions of the answer w.r.t. + input sequence. If question is unanswerable, this will be + pointing to start token, e.g. [CLS], of the input sequence. + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + start_positions: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + end_positions: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + """ + return { + "logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + "start_positions": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + "end_positions": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + } + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + loss: + NeuralType(None) + + start_logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + end_logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + """ + return { + "loss": NeuralType(None), + "start_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "end_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + } + + def __init__(self, **kwargs): + LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) + + def _loss_function(self, **kwargs): + logits = kwargs['logits'] + start_positions = kwargs['start_positions'] + end_positions = kwargs['end_positions'] + start_logits, end_logits = logits.split(1, dim=-1) + start_logits = start_logits.squeeze(-1) + end_logits = end_logits.squeeze(-1) + # If we are on multi-GPU, split add a dimension + if len(start_positions.size()) > 1: + start_positions = start_positions.squeeze(-1) + if len(end_positions.size()) > 1: + end_positions = end_positions.squeeze(-1) + ignored_index = start_logits.size(1) + start_positions.clamp_(0, ignored_index) + end_positions.clamp_(0, ignored_index) + + loss_fct = nn.CrossEntropyLoss(ignore_index=ignored_index) + start_loss = loss_fct(start_logits, start_positions) + end_loss = loss_fct(end_logits, end_positions) + total_loss = (start_loss + end_loss) / 2 + return total_loss, start_logits, end_logits diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..26ae41f5badb --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ +__all__ = ['SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss'] +import torch + + +class SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss(torch.nn.Module): + """ + Cross-entropy loss with label smoothing for a batch of sequences. + + Args: + label_smoothing (float): label smoothing coefficient, usually set + between 0.0 and 0.1 in language modeling + and translation pipelines + predict_last_k (int): int parameter which sets the number of last + tokens to calculate the loss for, for example + 0: (default) calculate loss on the entire sequence (e.g., NMT) + 1: calculate loss on the last token only (e.g., LM evaluation) + Intermediate values allow to control the trade-off between eval + time (proportional to the number of batches) and eval performance + (proportional to the number of context tokens). + """ + + def __init__(self, label_smoothing=0.0, predict_last_k=0): + super().__init__() + self._smoothing = label_smoothing + self._predict_last_k = predict_last_k + + def forward(self, logits, output_ids, output_mask, eps=1e-6): + """ + Args: + logits: float tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len x vocab_size + output_ids: int tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len + output_mask: binary tensor of shape batch_size x seq_len + """ + batch_size, seq_len, vocab_size = logits.size() + smoothing = vocab_size * self._smoothing / (vocab_size - 1) + target_logits = logits.gather(2, output_ids.unsqueeze(2)).squeeze(2) + smoothing_logits = logits.mean(dim=-1) + neg_log_likelihood = (1.0 - smoothing) * target_logits + smoothing * smoothing_logits + neg_log_likelihood = neg_log_likelihood[:, -self._predict_last_k :] + output_mask = output_mask[:, -self._predict_last_k :] + neg_log_likelihood = -torch.sum(neg_log_likelihood * output_mask) + neg_log_likelihood = neg_log_likelihood / (output_mask.sum() + eps) + return neg_log_likelihood diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..fb147ab9170a --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py @@ -0,0 +1,71 @@ +__all__ = ['TokenClassificationLoss'] +import torch +from torch import nn + +from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class TokenClassificationLoss(LossNM): + """ + Neural module which implements Token Classification loss. + + Args: + num_classes (int): number of classes in a classifier, e.g. size + of the vocabulary in language modeling objective + logits (float): output of the classifier + labels (long): ground truth labels + loss_mask (long): to differentiate from original tokens and paddings + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + labels: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + loss_mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + """ + return { + "logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + } + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + loss: + NeuralType(None) + """ + return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} + + def __init__(self, num_classes, class_weights=None, **kwargs): + LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) + if class_weights: + class_weights = torch.FloatTensor(class_weights).to(self._device) + + self._criterion = nn.CrossEntropyLoss(weight=class_weights) + self.num_classes = num_classes + + def _loss_function(self, logits, labels, loss_mask): + active_loss = loss_mask.view(-1) > 0.5 + active_logits = logits.view(-1, self.num_classes)[active_loss] + active_labels = labels.view(-1)[active_loss] + + loss = self._criterion(active_logits, active_labels) + return loss diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/encoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/nontrainables/.gitignore similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/common/encoders.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/nm/nontrainables/.gitignore diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..38012dc93e14 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..4df601cbf50f --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_classification_nm import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_regression_nm import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..4ff99a3709d7 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1 @@ +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.bert_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/bert.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py similarity index 96% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/bert.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py index 684b6d93048a..bcb3cdaa61b5 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/huggingface/bert.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py @@ -1,4 +1,5 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +__all__ = ['BERT'] from typing import List, Optional from transformers import BERT_PRETRAINED_CONFIG_ARCHIVE_MAP, BERT_PRETRAINED_MODEL_ARCHIVE_MAP, BertConfig, BertModel @@ -16,6 +17,7 @@ class BERT(TrainableNM): Args: pretrained_model_name (str): If using a pretrained model, this should be the model's name. Otherwise, should be left as None. + config_filename (str): path to model configuration file. Optional. vocab_size (int): Size of the vocabulary file, if not using a pretrained model. hidden_size (int): Size of the encoder and pooler layers. @@ -64,7 +66,7 @@ def output_ports(self): 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) """ - return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),})} + return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} def __init__( self, @@ -142,4 +144,4 @@ def list_pretrained_models() -> Optional[List[PretrainedModelInfo]]: return pretrained_models def forward(self, input_ids, token_type_ids, attention_mask): - return self.bert(input_ids, token_type_ids=token_type_ids, attention_mask=attention_mask,)[0] + return self.bert(input_ids, token_type_ids=token_type_ids, attention_mask=attention_mask)[0] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..9d69279df125 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py @@ -0,0 +1,68 @@ +__all__ = ['SequenceClassifier'] +from torch import nn as nn + +from nemo.backends.pytorch import MultiLayerPerceptron, TrainableNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import transformer_weights_init +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class SequenceClassifier(TrainableNM): + """ + Neural module which consists of MLP followed by softmax classifier for each + sequence in the batch. + + Args: + hidden_size (int): hidden size (d_model) of the Transformer + num_classes (int): number of classes in softmax classifier, e.g. number + of different sentiments + num_layers (int): number of layers in classifier MLP + activation (str): activation function applied in classifier MLP layers + log_softmax (bool): whether to apply log_softmax to MLP output + dropout (float): dropout ratio applied to MLP + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + hidden_states: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return {"logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} + + def __init__( + self, + hidden_size, + num_classes, + num_layers=2, + activation='relu', + log_softmax=True, + dropout=0.0, + use_transformer_pretrained=True, + ): + super().__init__() + self.mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron(hidden_size, num_classes, self._device, num_layers, activation, log_softmax) + self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) + if use_transformer_pretrained: + self.apply(lambda module: transformer_weights_init(module, xavier=False)) + # self.to(self._device) # sometimes this is necessary + + def forward(self, hidden_states, idx_conditioned_on=0): + hidden_states = self.dropout(hidden_states) + logits = self.mlp(hidden_states[:, idx_conditioned_on]) + return logits diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..96115eae1c0f --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py @@ -0,0 +1,62 @@ +__all__ = ['SequenceRegression'] +from torch import nn as nn + +from nemo.backends.pytorch import MultiLayerPerceptron, TrainableNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import transformer_weights_init +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, RegressionTag, TimeTag + + +class SequenceRegression(TrainableNM): + """ + Neural module which consists of MLP, generates a single number prediction + that could be used for a regression task. An example of this task would be + semantic textual similatity task, for example, STS-B (from GLUE tasks). + + Args: + hidden_size (int): the size of the hidden state for the dense layer + num_layers (int): number of layers in classifier MLP + activation (str): activation function applied in classifier MLP layers + dropout (float): dropout ratio applied to MLP + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + hidden_states: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + preds: + 0: AxisType(RegressionTag) + """ + return {"preds": NeuralType({0: AxisType(RegressionTag)})} + + def __init__(self, hidden_size, num_layers=2, activation='relu', dropout=0.0, use_transformer_pretrained=True): + super().__init__() + self.mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron( + hidden_size, + num_classes=1, + device=self._device, + num_layers=num_layers, + activation=activation, + log_softmax=False, + ) + self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) + if use_transformer_pretrained: + self.apply(lambda module: transformer_weights_init(module, xavier=False)) + # self.to(self._device) # sometimes this is necessary + + def forward(self, hidden_states, idx_conditioned_on=0): + hidden_states = self.dropout(hidden_states) + preds = self.mlp(hidden_states[:, idx_conditioned_on]) + return preds.view(-1) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..f3781490adbf --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py @@ -0,0 +1,154 @@ +__all__ = ['BertTokenClassifier', 'TokenClassifier'] +from torch import nn as nn + +from nemo.backends.pytorch import MultiLayerPerceptron, TrainableNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import gelu, transformer_weights_init +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + +ACT2FN = {"gelu": gelu, "relu": nn.functional.relu} + + +class BertTokenClassifier(TrainableNM): + """ + Neural module which consists of MLP followed by softmax classifier for each + token in the sequence. + + Args: + hidden_size (int): hidden size (d_model) of the Transformer + num_classes (int): number of classes in softmax classifier, e.g. size + of the vocabulary in language modeling objective + activation (str): activation function applied in classifier MLP layers + log_softmax (bool): whether to apply log_softmax to MLP output + dropout (float): dropout ratio applied to MLP + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + hidden_states: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return {"logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} + + def __init__( + self, + hidden_size, + num_classes, + activation='relu', + log_softmax=True, + dropout=0.0, + use_transformer_pretrained=True, + ): + super().__init__() + if activation not in ACT2FN: + raise ValueError(f'activation "{activation}" not found') + self.dense = nn.Linear(hidden_size, hidden_size) + self.act = ACT2FN[activation] + self.norm = nn.LayerNorm(hidden_size, eps=1e-12) + self.mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron( + hidden_size, num_classes, self._device, num_layers=1, activation=activation, log_softmax=log_softmax + ) + self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) + if use_transformer_pretrained: + self.apply(lambda module: transformer_weights_init(module, xavier=False)) + self.to(self._device) + + def forward(self, hidden_states): + hidden_states = self.dropout(hidden_states) + hidden_states = self.dense(hidden_states) + hidden_states = self.act(hidden_states) + transform = self.norm(hidden_states) + logits = self.mlp(transform) + return logits + + +class TokenClassifier(TrainableNM): + """ + Neural module which consists of MLP followed by softmax classifier for each + token in the sequence. + + Args: + hidden_size (int): hidden size (d_model) of the Transformer + num_classes (int): number of classes in softmax classifier, e.g. size + of the vocabulary in language modeling objective + num_layers (int): number of layers in classifier MLP + activation (str): activation function applied in classifier MLP layers + log_softmax (bool): whether to apply log_softmax to MLP output + dropout (float): dropout ratio applied to MLP + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + hidden_states: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return {"logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} + + def __init__( + self, + hidden_size, + num_classes, + name=None, + num_layers=2, + activation='relu', + log_softmax=True, + dropout=0.0, + use_transformer_pretrained=True, + ): + super().__init__() + + self.name = name + self.mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron(hidden_size, num_classes, self._device, num_layers, activation, log_softmax) + self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) + if use_transformer_pretrained: + self.apply(lambda module: transformer_weights_init(module, xavier=False)) + # self.to(self._device) # sometimes this is necessary + + def __str__(self): + name = TrainableNM.__str__(self) + + if self.name: + name = self.name + name + return name + + def forward(self, hidden_states): + hidden_states = self.dropout(hidden_states) + logits = self.mlp(hidden_states) + return logits diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..0fac547c86b2 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/decoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_decoders.py similarity index 85% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/decoders.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_decoders.py index 02da2a455a42..5c08725dd77f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/decoders.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_decoders.py @@ -1,12 +1,15 @@ -__all__ = ['TransformerDecoderBlock', 'TransformerDecoder'] +__all__ = [] import copy import torch import torch.nn as nn -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.modules import MultiHeadAttention, PositionWiseFF -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import form_attention_mask +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_modules import ( + MultiHeadAttention, + PositionWiseFF, +) +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import form_attention_mask class TransformerDecoderBlock(nn.Module): @@ -38,16 +41,14 @@ def __init__( super().__init__() self.first_sub_layer = MultiHeadAttention( - hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout, + hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout ) self.second_sub_layer = MultiHeadAttention( - hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout, + hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout ) self.third_sub_layer = PositionWiseFF(hidden_size, inner_size, ffn_dropout, hidden_act) - def forward( - self, decoder_query, decoder_mask, decoder_keys, encoder_states, encoder_mask, - ): + def forward(self, decoder_query, decoder_mask, decoder_keys, encoder_states, encoder_mask): self_attn_output = self.first_sub_layer(decoder_query, decoder_keys, decoder_keys, decoder_mask) enc_dec_attn_output = self.second_sub_layer(self_attn_output, encoder_states, encoder_states, encoder_mask) output_states = self.third_sub_layer(enc_dec_attn_output) @@ -69,7 +70,7 @@ def _get_memory_states(self, decoder_states, decoder_mems_list=None, i=0): return memory_states def forward( - self, decoder_states, decoder_mask, encoder_states, encoder_mask, decoder_mems_list=None, return_mems=False, + self, decoder_states, decoder_mask, encoder_states, encoder_mask, decoder_mems_list=None, return_mems=False ): """ Args: @@ -91,9 +92,7 @@ def forward( cached_mems_list = [memory_states] for i, layer in enumerate(self.layers): - decoder_states = layer( - decoder_states, decoder_attn_mask, memory_states, encoder_states, encoder_attn_mask, - ) + decoder_states = layer(decoder_states, decoder_attn_mask, memory_states, encoder_states, encoder_attn_mask) memory_states = self._get_memory_states(decoder_states, decoder_mems_list, i + 1) cached_mems_list.append(memory_states) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/encoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_encoders.py similarity index 90% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/encoders.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_encoders.py index 73a3ff34a949..7cc0f774dc20 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/encoders.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_encoders.py @@ -1,21 +1,16 @@ -__all__ = [ - 'TransformerEncoderBlock', - 'TransformerEncoder', - 'XLNetEncoderBlock', - 'XLNetEncoder', -] +__all__ = [] import copy import torch import torch.nn as nn -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.modules import ( +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_modules import ( MultiHeadAttention, PositionWiseFF, TwoStreamSelfAttention, ) -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import form_attention_mask +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import form_attention_mask class TransformerEncoderBlock(nn.Module): @@ -47,7 +42,7 @@ def __init__( super().__init__() self.first_sub_layer = MultiHeadAttention( - hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout, + hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout ) self.second_sub_layer = PositionWiseFF(hidden_size, inner_size, ffn_dropout, hidden_act) @@ -72,9 +67,7 @@ def _get_memory_states(self, encoder_states, encoder_mems_list=None, i=0): memory_states = encoder_states return memory_states - def forward( - self, encoder_states, encoder_mask, encoder_mems_list=None, return_mems=False, - ): + def forward(self, encoder_states, encoder_mask, encoder_mems_list=None, return_mems=False): """ Args: encoder_states: output of the embedding_layer (B x L_enc x H) @@ -116,7 +109,7 @@ def __init__( super().__init__() self.first_sub_layer = TwoStreamSelfAttention( - hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout, + hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout ) self.second_sub_layer = PositionWiseFF(hidden_size, inner_size, ffn_dropout, hidden_act) @@ -139,5 +132,5 @@ def forward(self, query_states, content_states, input_mask): query_attn_mask = form_attention_mask(input_mask, diagonal=-1) content_attn_mask = form_attention_mask(input_mask, diagonal=0) for layer in self.layers: - query_states, content_states = layer(query_states, content_states, query_attn_mask, content_attn_mask,) + query_states, content_states = layer(query_states, content_states, query_attn_mask, content_attn_mask) return query_states, content_states diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_generators.py similarity index 95% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_generators.py index f7c62d3a9d74..d878ccd17655 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/generators.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_generators.py @@ -1,14 +1,10 @@ -__all__ = [ - 'GreedySequenceGenerator', - 'TopKSequenceGenerator', - 'BeamSearchSequenceGenerator', -] +__all__ = [] import torch import torch.nn as nn -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import NEG_INF -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import NEG_INF +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens class GreedySequenceGenerator(nn.Module): @@ -92,7 +88,7 @@ def _forward( ) else: decoder_mems_list = self.decoder.forward( - decoder_hidden_states, decoder_input_mask, decoder_mems_list, return_mems=True, + decoder_hidden_states, decoder_input_mask, decoder_mems_list, return_mems=True ) log_probs = self.log_softmax.forward(decoder_mems_list[-1]) return log_probs, decoder_mems_list @@ -124,9 +120,7 @@ def _prepare_for_search(self, decoder_input_ids=None, encoder_hidden_states=None return tgt, batch_size, max_generation_length - def forward( - self, decoder_input_ids=None, encoder_hidden_states=None, encoder_input_mask=None, - ): + def forward(self, decoder_input_ids=None, encoder_hidden_states=None, encoder_input_mask=None): tgt, batch_size, max_generation_length = self._prepare_for_search(decoder_input_ids, encoder_hidden_states) @@ -138,7 +132,7 @@ def forward( for i in range(max_generation_length): log_probs, decoder_mems_list = self._forward( - tgt[:, -1:], encoder_hidden_states, encoder_input_mask, decoder_mems_list, i, + tgt[:, -1:], encoder_hidden_states, encoder_input_mask, decoder_mems_list, i ) next_tokens = torch.argmax(log_probs[:, -1], dim=-1, keepdim=True) @@ -182,7 +176,7 @@ def _forward( pos=0, ): log_probs, decoder_mems_list = super()._forward( - decoder_input_ids, encoder_hidden_states, encoder_input_mask, decoder_mems_list, pos, + decoder_input_ids, encoder_hidden_states, encoder_input_mask, decoder_mems_list, pos ) batch_size, seq_len, vocab_size = log_probs.size() @@ -220,9 +214,7 @@ def __init__(self, embedding, decoder, log_softmax, beam_size=1, len_pen=0, **kw self.beam_size = beam_size self.len_pen = len_pen - def forward( - self, decoder_input_ids=None, encoder_hidden_states=None, encoder_input_mask=None, - ): + def forward(self, decoder_input_ids=None, encoder_hidden_states=None, encoder_input_mask=None): tgt, batch_size, max_generation_length = self._prepare_for_search(decoder_input_ids, encoder_hidden_states) @@ -261,7 +253,7 @@ def forward( # generate and score candidates for prefixes continuation log_probs, decoder_mems_list = self._forward( - prefixes[:, -1:], encoder_hidden_states, encoder_input_mask, decoder_mems_list, i + 1, + prefixes[:, -1:], encoder_hidden_states, encoder_input_mask, decoder_mems_list, i + 1 ) scores_i, prefixes_i = torch.topk(log_probs[:, -1, :], self.beam_size, dim=-1) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/modules.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_modules.py similarity index 92% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/modules.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_modules.py index e2635c54a7dd..61c87b7ca788 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/modules.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_modules.py @@ -22,27 +22,23 @@ http://nlp.seas.harvard.edu/2018/04/03/attention.html Copyright by the HuggingFace and Annotated Transformer authors. """ -__all__ = [ - 'FixedPositionalEncoding', - 'TransformerEmbedding', - 'MultiHeadAttention', - 'LightweightConv1d', - 'TwoStreamSelfAttention', - 'PositionWiseFF', -] +__all__ = [] import math import torch from torch import nn -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import gelu +from nemo import logging +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import gelu try: from apex.normalization import FusedLayerNorm except (AttributeError, ModuleNotFoundError): # this is lie - it isn't fused in this case - print("Unable to import APEX. Mixed precision, distributed training and " "FusedLayerNorm are not available.") + logging.warning( + "Unable to import APEX. Mixed precision, distributed training and " "FusedLayerNorm are not available." + ) from torch.nn import LayerNorm as FusedLayerNorm @@ -114,7 +110,7 @@ def forward(self, input_ids, token_type_ids=None, start_pos=0): "Input sequence is longer than maximum allowed" " sequence length for positional encoding" ) position_ids = torch.arange( - start=start_pos, end=start_pos + seq_length, dtype=torch.long, device=input_ids.device, + start=start_pos, end=start_pos + seq_length, dtype=torch.long, device=input_ids.device ) position_ids = position_ids.unsqueeze(0).expand_as(input_ids) @@ -144,9 +140,7 @@ class MultiHeadAttention(nn.Module): whole layer, but before layer normalization """ - def __init__( - self, hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout=0.0, attn_layer_dropout=0.0, - ): + def __init__(self, hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout=0.0, attn_layer_dropout=0.0): super().__init__() if hidden_size % num_attention_heads != 0: raise ValueError( @@ -168,7 +162,7 @@ def __init__( self.layer_norm = FusedLayerNorm(hidden_size, eps=1e-5) def transpose_for_scores(self, x): - new_x_shape = x.size()[:-1] + (self.num_attention_heads, self.attn_head_size,) + new_x_shape = x.size()[:-1] + (self.num_attention_heads, self.attn_head_size) x = x.view(*new_x_shape) return x.permute(0, 2, 1, 3) @@ -219,9 +213,7 @@ class LightweightConv1d(nn.Module): whole layer, but before layer normalization """ - def __init__( - self, hidden_size, num_attention_heads, kernel_size, conv_weight_dropout=0.0, conv_layer_dropout=0.0, - ): + def __init__(self, hidden_size, num_attention_heads, kernel_size, conv_weight_dropout=0.0, conv_layer_dropout=0.0): super().__init__() self.num_heads = num_attention_heads self.kernel_size = kernel_size @@ -246,7 +238,7 @@ def forward(self, hidden_states, attention_mask): weight[:, :, pivot:] = 0 output_states = output_states.contiguous().view(-1, self.num_heads, seq_len) - output_states = torch.conv1d(output_states, weight, padding=self.kernel_size // 2, groups=self.num_heads,) + output_states = torch.conv1d(output_states, weight, padding=self.kernel_size // 2, groups=self.num_heads) output_states = output_states.view(batch_size, hidden_size, seq_len) output_states = output_states.permute(0, 2, 1) @@ -270,23 +262,19 @@ class TwoStreamSelfAttention(nn.Module): whole layer, but before layer normalization """ - def __init__( - self, hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout=0.0, attn_layer_dropout=0.0, - ): + def __init__(self, hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout=0.0, attn_layer_dropout=0.0): super().__init__() self.query_stream = MultiHeadAttention( - hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout, + hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout ) self.content_stream = MultiHeadAttention( - hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout, + hidden_size, num_attention_heads, attn_score_dropout, attn_layer_dropout ) - def forward( - self, query_states, content_states, query_attention_mask, content_attention_mask, - ): + def forward(self, query_states, content_states, query_attention_mask, content_attention_mask): output_query_states = self.query_stream(query_states, content_states, content_states, query_attention_mask) output_content_states = self.content_stream( - query_states, content_states, content_states, content_attention_mask, + query_states, content_states, content_states, content_attention_mask ) return output_query_states, output_content_states diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_nm.py similarity index 92% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_nm.py index d7bf904c888e..a7a052f17d10 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/transformer_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_nm.py @@ -2,24 +2,19 @@ """ This package contains Transformer for translation Neural Module """ -__all__ = [ - 'TransformerEncoderNM', - 'TransformerDecoderNM', - 'GreedyLanguageGeneratorNM', - 'BeamSearchTranslatorNM', -] +__all__ = ['TransformerEncoderNM', 'TransformerDecoderNM', 'GreedyLanguageGeneratorNM', 'BeamSearchTranslatorNM'] import math -from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM, TrainableNM -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.decoders import TransformerDecoder -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.encoders import TransformerEncoder -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.generators import ( +from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import TrainableNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_decoders import TransformerDecoder +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_encoders import TransformerEncoder +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_generators import ( BeamSearchSequenceGenerator, GreedySequenceGenerator, ) -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.modules import TransformerEmbedding -from nemo.collections.nlp.modules.trainables.specific.transformer.utils import transformer_weights_init +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_modules import TransformerEmbedding +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import transformer_weights_init from nemo.core.neural_types import * @@ -78,7 +73,7 @@ def output_ports(self): 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) """ - return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),})} + return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} def __init__( self, @@ -179,7 +174,7 @@ def input_ports(self): """ return { "input_ids_tgt": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "hidden_states_src": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}), + "hidden_states_src": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), "input_mask_src": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), "input_mask_tgt": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), } @@ -195,7 +190,7 @@ def output_ports(self): 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) """ - return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),})} + return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} def __init__( self, @@ -239,7 +234,7 @@ def __init__( def forward(self, input_ids_tgt, hidden_states_src, input_mask_src, input_mask_tgt): hidden_states_tgt = self.embedding_layer(input_ids_tgt) - hidden_states = self.decoder(hidden_states_tgt, input_mask_tgt, hidden_states_src, input_mask_src,) + hidden_states = self.decoder(hidden_states_tgt, input_mask_tgt, hidden_states_src, input_mask_src) return hidden_states @@ -339,7 +334,7 @@ def input_ports(self): 1: AxisType(TimeTag) """ return { - "hidden_states_src": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}), + "hidden_states_src": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), "input_mask_src": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), } @@ -389,5 +384,5 @@ def __init__( ) def forward(self, hidden_states_src, input_mask_src): - output_ids = self.generator(encoder_hidden_states=hidden_states_src, encoder_input_mask=input_mask_src,) + output_ids = self.generator(encoder_hidden_states=hidden_states_src, encoder_input_mask=input_mask_src) return output_ids diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_utils.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/modules/trainables/specific/transformer/utils.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_utils.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..484aa4350420 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1 @@ +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot.joint_intent_slot_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..2c217d1355ed --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py @@ -0,0 +1,79 @@ +from torch import nn as nn + +from nemo.backends.pytorch import MultiLayerPerceptron, TrainableNM +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import transformer_weights_init +from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + +__all_ = ['JointIntentSlotClassifier'] + + +class JointIntentSlotClassifier(TrainableNM): + """ + The softmax classifier for the joint intent classification and slot + filling task which consists of a dense layer + relu + softmax for + predicting the slots and similar for predicting the intents. + + Args: + hidden_size (int): the size of the hidden state for the dense layer + num_intents (int): number of intents + num_slots (int): number of slots + dropout (float): dropout to be applied to the layer + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + hidden_states: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return {"hidden_states": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)})} + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + intent_logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + slot_logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return { + "intent_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + "slot_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + } + + def __init__(self, hidden_size, num_intents, num_slots, dropout=0.0, use_transformer_pretrained=True, **kwargs): + super().__init__(**kwargs) + self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) + self.slot_mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron( + hidden_size, num_classes=num_slots, device=self._device, num_layers=2, activation='relu', log_softmax=False + ) + self.intent_mlp = MultiLayerPerceptron( + hidden_size, + num_classes=num_intents, + device=self._device, + num_layers=2, + activation='relu', + log_softmax=False, + ) + if use_transformer_pretrained: + self.apply(lambda module: transformer_weights_init(module, xavier=False)) + # self.to(self._device) + + def forward(self, hidden_states): + hidden_states = self.dropout(hidden_states) + intent_logits = self.intent_mlp(hidden_states[:, 0]) + slot_logits = self.slot_mlp(hidden_states) + return intent_logits, slot_logits diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py index e69de29bb2d1..49948c01f0c6 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.loss_utils import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..fb5c0b74c32b --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py @@ -0,0 +1,80 @@ +__all__ = ['list2str', 'tensor2list', 'plot_confusion_matrix'] +import os +import time + +import numpy as np +from matplotlib import pyplot as plt +from sklearn.metrics import confusion_matrix + +from nemo import logging + + +def list2str(l): + return ' '.join([str(x) for x in l]) + + +def tensor2list(tensor): + return tensor.detach().cpu().tolist() + + +def plot_confusion_matrix(labels, preds, graph_fold, label_ids=None, normalize=False, prefix=''): + ''' + Plot confusion matrix. + Args: + label_ids (dict): label to id map, for example: {'O': 0, 'LOC': 1} + labels (list of ints): list of true labels + preds (list of ints): list of predicted labels + graph_fold (str): path to output folder + normalize (bool): flag to indicate whether to normalize confusion matrix + prefix (str): prefix for the plot name + + ''' + if label_ids is None: + _plot_confusion_matrix(labels, preds, graph_fold) + + else: + # remove labels from label_ids that don't appear in the dev set + used_labels = set(labels) | set(preds) + label_ids = {k: label_ids[k] for k, v in label_ids.items() if v in used_labels} + + ids_to_labels = {label_ids[k]: k for k in label_ids} + classes = [ids_to_labels[id] for id in sorted(label_ids.values())] + + title = 'Confusion matrix' + cm = confusion_matrix(labels, preds) + if normalize: + sums = cm.sum(axis=1)[:, np.newaxis] + sums = np.where(sums == 0, 1, sums) + cm = cm.astype('float') / sums + title = 'Normalized ' + title + + fig = plt.figure() + ax = fig.add_subplot(111) + + cax = ax.matshow(cm) + ax.set_xticks(np.arange(-1, len(classes) + 1)) + ax.set_yticks(np.arange(-1, len(classes) + 1)) + ax.set_xticklabels([''] + classes, rotation=90) + ax.set_yticklabels([''] + classes) + ax.set_ylabel('True') + ax.set_xlabel('Predicted') + + os.makedirs(graph_fold, exist_ok=True) + fig.colorbar(cax) + + title = (prefix + ' ' + title).strip() + plt.savefig(os.path.join(graph_fold, title + '_' + time.strftime('%Y%m%d-%H%M%S'))) + + +def _plot_confusion_matrix(labels, preds, graph_fold): + cm = confusion_matrix(labels, preds) + logging.info(f'Confusion matrix:\n{cm}') + fig = plt.figure() + ax = fig.add_subplot(111) + cax = ax.matshow(cm) + plt.title('Confusion matrix of the classifier') + fig.colorbar(cax) + plt.xlabel('Predicted') + plt.ylabel('True') + os.makedirs(graph_fold, exist_ok=True) + plt.savefig(os.path.join(graph_fold, time.strftime('%Y%m%d-%H%M%S'))) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/nlp_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py similarity index 55% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/utils/nlp_utils.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py index 1b1ef57bb27a..bb05af8d950b 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/nlp_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py @@ -1,9 +1,8 @@ import os -import time +import re +import string import numpy as np -from matplotlib import pyplot as plt -from sklearn.metrics import confusion_matrix import nemo @@ -20,7 +19,7 @@ def mask_padded_tokens(tokens, pad_id): def read_intent_slot_outputs( - queries, intent_file, slot_file, intent_logits, slot_logits, slot_masks, intents=None, slots=None, + queries, intent_file, slot_file, intent_logits, slot_logits, slot_masks, intents=None, slots=None ): intent_dict = get_vocab(intent_file) slot_dict = get_vocab(slot_file) @@ -78,46 +77,38 @@ def write_vocab_in_order(vocab, outfile): f.write(f'{vocab[key]}\n') -def plot_confusion_matrix(label_ids, labels, preds, graph_fold, normalize=False, prefix=''): - ''' - Plot confusion matrix. - Args: - label_ids (dict): label to id map, for example: {'O': 0, 'LOC': 1} - labels (list of ints): list of true labels - preds (list of ints): list of predicted labels - graph_fold (str): path to output folder - normalize (bool): flag to indicate whether to normalize confusion matrix - prefix (str): prefix for the plot name - - ''' - # remove labels from label_ids that don't appear in the dev set - used_labels = set(labels) | set(preds) - label_ids = {k: label_ids[k] for k, v in label_ids.items() if v in used_labels} - - ids_to_labels = {label_ids[k]: k for k in label_ids} - classes = [ids_to_labels[id] for id in sorted(label_ids.values())] - - title = 'Confusion matrix' - cm = confusion_matrix(labels, preds) - if normalize: - sums = cm.sum(axis=1)[:, np.newaxis] - sums = np.where(sums == 0, 1, sums) - cm = cm.astype('float') / sums - title = 'Normalized ' + title - - fig = plt.figure() - ax = fig.add_subplot(111) - - cax = ax.matshow(cm) - ax.set_xticks(np.arange(-1, len(classes) + 1)) - ax.set_yticks(np.arange(-1, len(classes) + 1)) - ax.set_xticklabels([''] + classes, rotation=90) - ax.set_yticklabels([''] + classes) - ax.set_ylabel('True') - ax.set_xlabel('Predicted') - - os.makedirs(graph_fold, exist_ok=True) - fig.colorbar(cax) - - title = (prefix + ' ' + title).strip() - plt.savefig(os.path.join(graph_fold, title + '_' + time.strftime('%Y%m%d-%H%M%S'))) +def if_exist(outfold, files): + if not os.path.exists(outfold): + return False + for file in files: + if not os.path.exists(f'{outfold}/{file}'): + return False + return True + + +def remove_punctuation_from_sentence(sentence): + sentence = re.sub('[' + string.punctuation + ']', '', sentence) + sentence = sentence.lower() + return sentence + + +def ids2text(ids, vocab): + return ' '.join([vocab[int(id_)] for id_ in ids]) + + +def calc_class_weights(label_freq): + """ + Goal is to give more weight to the classes with less samples + so as to match the one with the higest frequency. We achieve this by + dividing the highest frequency by the freq of each label. + Example - + [12, 5, 3] -> [12/12, 12/5, 12/3] -> [1, 2.4, 4] + + Here label_freq is assumed to be sorted by the frequency. I.e. + label_freq[0] is the most frequent element. + + """ + + most_common_label_freq = label_freq[0] + weighted_slots = sorted([(index, most_common_label_freq[1] / freq) for (index, freq) in label_freq]) + return [weight for (_, weight) in weighted_slots] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..17406c5cef21 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py @@ -0,0 +1,24 @@ +import math + + +def _compute_softmax(scores): + """Compute softmax probability over raw logits.""" + if not scores: + return [] + + max_score = None + for score in scores: + if max_score is None or score > max_score: + max_score = score + + exp_scores = [] + total_sum = 0.0 + for score in scores: + x = math.exp(score - max_score) + exp_scores.append(x) + total_sum += x + + probs = [] + for score in exp_scores: + probs.append(score / total_sum) + return probs diff --git a/scripts/export_bert_to_trt.py b/scripts/export_bert_to_trt.py index a324da24b51f..00d5b2dc4d0c 100644 --- a/scripts/export_bert_to_trt.py +++ b/scripts/export_bert_to_trt.py @@ -37,9 +37,7 @@ gelu_plg_creator = plg_registry.get_plugin_creator("CustomGeluPluginDynamic", "1", "") emln_plg_creator = plg_registry.get_plugin_creator("CustomEmbLayerNormPluginDynamic", "1", "") -print( - "creators:", plg_registry, qkv2_plg_creator, skln_plg_creator, gelu_plg_creator, emln_plg_creator, -) +print("creators:", plg_registry, qkv2_plg_creator, skln_plg_creator, gelu_plg_creator, emln_plg_creator) print("\n".join([x.name for x in plg_registry.plugin_creator_list])) """ @@ -113,7 +111,7 @@ def attention_layer_opt(prefix, config, init_dict, network, input_tensor, imask) has_mask = imask is not None - pf_hidden_size = trt.PluginField("hidden_size", np.array([hidden_size], np.int32), trt.PluginFieldType.INT32,) + pf_hidden_size = trt.PluginField("hidden_size", np.array([hidden_size], np.int32), trt.PluginFieldType.INT32) pf_num_heads = trt.PluginField("num_heads", np.array([num_heads], np.int32), trt.PluginFieldType.INT32) pf_S = trt.PluginField("S", np.array([S], np.int32), trt.PluginFieldType.INT32) pf_has_mask = trt.PluginField("has_mask", np.array([has_mask], np.int32), trt.PluginFieldType.INT32) @@ -159,7 +157,7 @@ def transformer_layer_opt(prefix, config, init_dict, network, input_tensor, imas hidden_size = idims[2] context_transposed = attention_layer_opt( - prefix + "attention_self_", config, init_dict, network, input_tensor, imask, + prefix + "attention_self_", config, init_dict, network, input_tensor, imask ) attention_heads = context_transposed.get_output(0) @@ -168,7 +166,7 @@ def transformer_layer_opt(prefix, config, init_dict, network, input_tensor, imas attention_out_fc = network.add_fully_connected(attention_heads, hidden_size, W_aout, B_aout) skiplayer = skipln( - prefix + "attention_output_layernorm_", init_dict, network, attention_out_fc.get_output(0), input_tensor, + prefix + "attention_output_layernorm_", init_dict, network, attention_out_fc.get_output(0), input_tensor ) attention_ln = skiplayer.get_output(0) @@ -192,7 +190,7 @@ def transformer_layer_opt(prefix, config, init_dict, network, input_tensor, imas out_dense = network.add_fully_connected(intermediate_act, hidden_size, W_lout, B_lout) set_layer_name(out_dense, prefix + "output_", "dense") - out_layer = skipln(prefix + "output_layernorm_", init_dict, network, out_dense.get_output(0), attention_ln,) + out_layer = skipln(prefix + "output_layernorm_", init_dict, network, out_dense.get_output(0), attention_ln) out_ln = out_layer.get_output(0) set_tensor_name(out_ln, prefix + "output_", "reshape") @@ -228,7 +226,7 @@ def bert_pooler(prefix, init_dict, network, input_tensor): shuf.first_transpose = (2, 3, 0, 1) first_token_tensor = network.add_slice( - shuf.get_output(0), start=(0, 0, 0, 0), shape=(1, 1, 1, hidden_size), stride=(1, 1, 1, 1), + shuf.get_output(0), start=(0, 0, 0, 0), shape=(1, 1, 1, hidden_size), stride=(1, 1, 1, 1) ) W_out = init_dict[prefix + POOL_W] @@ -274,10 +272,10 @@ def sequence_class_output(prefix, init_dict, network, input_tensor, softmax=True ).get_output(0) first_token_tensor = network.add_slice( - shuf.get_output(0), start=(0, 0, 0, 0, 0), shape=(-1, 1, 1, 1, hidden_size), stride=(1, 1, 1, 1, 1), + shuf.get_output(0), start=(0, 0, 0, 0, 0), shape=(-1, 1, 1, 1, hidden_size), stride=(1, 1, 1, 1, 1) ) first_token_tensor.set_input( - 1, network.add_constant((5,), trt.Weights(np.array([0, 0, 0, 0, 0]).astype(np.int32))).get_output(0), + 1, network.add_constant((5,), trt.Weights(np.array([0, 0, 0, 0, 0]).astype(np.int32))).get_output(0) ) first_token_tensor.set_input(2, out_shape_tensor) @@ -353,9 +351,7 @@ def load_weights(inputbase): shape_str = '{} '.format(len(shape)) + ' '.join([str(d) for d in shape]) weights_dict[outname] = trt.Weights(flat_tensor) - TRT_LOGGER.log( - TRT_LOGGER.INFO, "Orig.name: {:}, TRT name: {:}, shape: {:}".format(pn, outname, shape_str), - ) + TRT_LOGGER.log(TRT_LOGGER.INFO, "Orig.name: {:}, TRT name: {:}, shape: {:}".format(pn, outname, shape_str)) additional_dict = dict() for key, value in weights_dict.items(): @@ -441,9 +437,9 @@ def main( builder_config.max_workspace_size = 5000 * (1024 * 1024) # 5000 MiB builder_config.set_flag(trt.BuilderFlag.FP16) - input_ids = network.add_input(name="input_ids", dtype=trt.int32, shape=(-1, S,)) - segment_ids = network.add_input(name="segment_ids", dtype=trt.int32, shape=(-1, S,)) - input_mask = network.add_input(name="input_mask", dtype=trt.int32, shape=(-1, S,)) + input_ids = network.add_input(name="input_ids", dtype=trt.int32, shape=(-1, S)) + segment_ids = network.add_input(name="segment_ids", dtype=trt.int32, shape=(-1, S)) + input_mask = network.add_input(name="input_mask", dtype=trt.int32, shape=(-1, S)) def set_profile_shape(profile, batch_size, min_batch=None, max_batch=None): opt_shape = (batch_size, S) @@ -493,22 +489,14 @@ def set_profile_shape(profile, batch_size, min_batch=None, max_batch=None): if __name__ == "__main__": parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='TensorRT BERT Sample') parser.add_argument('-bw', '--bert-weight', required=True, help='bert weight from nemo') - parser.add_argument( - '-cw', '--class-weight', required=True, help='classifier weight from nemo', - ) + parser.add_argument('-cw', '--class-weight', required=True, help='classifier weight from nemo') - parser.add_argument( - '-t', '--token-classifier', required=False, default=None, help="Name of the token classifier", - ) - parser.add_argument( - '-s', '--seq-classifier', required=False, default=None, help="Name of the sequence classifier", - ) + parser.add_argument('-t', '--token-classifier', required=False, default=None, help="Name of the token classifier") + parser.add_argument('-s', '--seq-classifier', required=False, default=None, help="Name of the sequence classifier") + parser.add_argument('-o', '--output', required=True, help='The bert engine file, ex bert.engine') parser.add_argument( - '-o', '--output', required=True, help='The bert engine file, ex bert.engine', - ) - parser.add_argument( - '-b', '--batch-size', type=int, required=False, default=1, help='Preferred batch size (default = 1)', + '-b', '--batch-size', type=int, required=False, default=1, help='Preferred batch size (default = 1)' ) parser.add_argument( '--max-batch-size', diff --git a/tests/nlp/test_bert.py b/tests/nlp/test_bert.py index ced011720b19..b15e040d7e1f 100644 --- a/tests/nlp/test_bert.py +++ b/tests/nlp/test_bert.py @@ -22,5 +22,5 @@ class TestBert(NeMoUnitTest): def test_list_pretrained_models(self): - pretrained_models = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() + pretrained_models = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() self.assertTrue(len(pretrained_models) > 0) diff --git a/tests/nlp/test_spc_tokenizer.py b/tests/nlp/test_spc_tokenizer.py index ac8363a507d7..fa0259fbc120 100644 --- a/tests/nlp/test_spc_tokenizer.py +++ b/tests/nlp/test_spc_tokenizer.py @@ -16,7 +16,7 @@ # limitations under the License. # ============================================================================= -from nemo.collections.nlp import SentencePieceTokenizer +from nemo.collections.nlp.data import SentencePieceTokenizer from tests.common_setup import NeMoUnitTest diff --git a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py index 13e751971d39..283adddd41ed 100644 --- a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py +++ b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py @@ -22,11 +22,15 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp -from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.squad import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback -from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.download_squad import SquadDownloader +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.qa_squad_datalayer +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.qa_squad_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.scripts.get_squad import SquadDownloader from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy from tests.common_setup import NeMoUnitTest +print(dir(nemo_nlp)) + class TestSquad(NeMoUnitTest): @classmethod @@ -87,16 +91,18 @@ def test_squad_v1(self): max_answer_length = 20 null_score_diff_threshold = 0.0 - tokenizer = nemo_nlp.NemoBertTokenizer(pretrained_bert_model) + tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.NemoBertTokenizer(pretrained_bert_model) neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) - model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=pretrained_bert_model) hidden_size = model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] - qa_head = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=2, num_layers=1, log_softmax=False,) - squad_loss = nemo_nlp.QuestionAnsweringLoss() + qa_head = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm.TokenClassifier( + hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=2, num_layers=1, log_softmax=False + ) + squad_loss = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.QuestionAnsweringLoss() - data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer( + data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.qa_squad_datalayer.BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer( mode='train', version_2_with_negative=version_2_with_negative, batch_size=batch_size, @@ -107,14 +113,14 @@ def test_squad_v1(self): doc_stride=doc_stride, ) - (input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, start_positions, end_positions, _,) = data_layer() + (input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, start_positions, end_positions, _) = data_layer() - hidden_states = model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask,) + hidden_states = model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask) qa_output = qa_head(hidden_states=hidden_states) - loss, _, _ = squad_loss(logits=qa_output, start_positions=start_positions, end_positions=end_positions,) + loss, _, _ = squad_loss(logits=qa_output, start_positions=start_positions, end_positions=end_positions) - data_layer_eval = nemo_nlp.BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer( + data_layer_eval = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.qa_squad_datalayer.BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer( mode='dev', version_2_with_negative=version_2_with_negative, batch_size=batch_size, @@ -134,12 +140,12 @@ def test_squad_v1(self): ) = data_layer_eval() hidden_states_eval = model( - input_ids=input_ids_eval, token_type_ids=input_type_ids_eval, attention_mask=input_mask_eval, + input_ids=input_ids_eval, token_type_ids=input_type_ids_eval, attention_mask=input_mask_eval ) qa_output_eval = qa_head(hidden_states=hidden_states_eval) _, start_logits_eval, end_logits_eval = squad_loss( - logits=qa_output_eval, start_positions=start_positions_eval, end_positions=end_positions_eval, + logits=qa_output_eval, start_positions=start_positions_eval, end_positions=end_positions_eval ) eval_output = [start_logits_eval, end_logits_eval, unique_ids_eval] @@ -167,7 +173,7 @@ def test_squad_v1(self): eval_step=eval_step_freq, ) - lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy('WarmupAnnealing', total_steps=max_steps, warmup_ratio=lr_warmup_proportion,) + lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy('WarmupAnnealing', total_steps=max_steps, warmup_ratio=lr_warmup_proportion) neural_factory.train( tensors_to_optimize=[loss], @@ -194,16 +200,18 @@ def test_squad_v2(self): max_answer_length = 20 null_score_diff_threshold = 0.0 - tokenizer = nemo_nlp.NemoBertTokenizer(pretrained_bert_model) + tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.NemoBertTokenizer(pretrained_bert_model) neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) - model = nemo_nlp.BERT(pretrained_model_name=pretrained_bert_model) + model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=pretrained_bert_model) hidden_size = model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] - qa_head = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=2, num_layers=1, log_softmax=False,) - squad_loss = nemo_nlp.QuestionAnsweringLoss() + qa_head = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm.TokenClassifier( + hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=2, num_layers=1, log_softmax=False + ) + squad_loss = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.QuestionAnsweringLoss() - data_layer = nemo_nlp.BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer( + data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.qa_squad_datalayer.BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer( mode='train', version_2_with_negative=version_2_with_negative, batch_size=batch_size, @@ -214,14 +222,14 @@ def test_squad_v2(self): doc_stride=doc_stride, ) - (input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, start_positions, end_positions, _,) = data_layer() + (input_ids, input_type_ids, input_mask, start_positions, end_positions, _) = data_layer() - hidden_states = model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask,) + hidden_states = model(input_ids=input_ids, token_type_ids=input_type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask) qa_output = qa_head(hidden_states=hidden_states) - loss, _, _ = squad_loss(logits=qa_output, start_positions=start_positions, end_positions=end_positions,) + loss, _, _ = squad_loss(logits=qa_output, start_positions=start_positions, end_positions=end_positions) - data_layer_eval = nemo_nlp.BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer( + data_layer_eval = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.qa_squad_datalayer.BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer( mode='dev', version_2_with_negative=version_2_with_negative, batch_size=batch_size, @@ -241,12 +249,12 @@ def test_squad_v2(self): ) = data_layer_eval() hidden_states_eval = model( - input_ids=input_ids_eval, token_type_ids=input_type_ids_eval, attention_mask=input_mask_eval, + input_ids=input_ids_eval, token_type_ids=input_type_ids_eval, attention_mask=input_mask_eval ) qa_output_eval = qa_head(hidden_states=hidden_states_eval) _, start_logits_eval, end_logits_eval = squad_loss( - logits=qa_output_eval, start_positions=start_positions_eval, end_positions=end_positions_eval, + logits=qa_output_eval, start_positions=start_positions_eval, end_positions=end_positions_eval ) eval_output = [start_logits_eval, end_logits_eval, unique_ids_eval] @@ -274,7 +282,7 @@ def test_squad_v2(self): eval_step=eval_step_freq, ) - lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy('WarmupAnnealing', total_steps=max_steps, warmup_ratio=lr_warmup_proportion,) + lr_policy_fn = get_lr_policy('WarmupAnnealing', total_steps=max_steps, warmup_ratio=lr_warmup_proportion) neural_factory.train( tensors_to_optimize=[loss], From 4f8126048286a0dde97856a57431ca9c074108c7 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 12:56:23 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 080/138] Updated thw whole test folder. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- tests/asr/test_asr.py | 49 ++++++++++++++++------------------ tests/asr/test_weight_share.py | 30 ++++++++++----------- tests/asr/test_zeroDS.py | 12 ++++----- tests/test_deploy_export.py | 27 ++++++++++--------- tests/test_infer.py | 8 +++--- tests/test_neural_factory.py | 10 +++---- tests/test_neural_types.py | 42 ++++++++++++++--------------- tests/test_pytorch_trainers.py | 12 ++++----- tests/tts/test_tts.py | 24 ++++++++--------- 9 files changed, 102 insertions(+), 112 deletions(-) diff --git a/tests/asr/test_asr.py b/tests/asr/test_asr.py index 1f21df4f07e0..7958c4805277 100644 --- a/tests/asr/test_asr.py +++ b/tests/asr/test_asr.py @@ -164,14 +164,14 @@ def remove_test_json(): for s in test_strings: f.write('{"audio_filepath": "", "duration": 1.0, "text": ' f'"{s}"}}\n') parser = parsers.make_parser(self.labels, 'en') - manifest = collections.ASRAudioText(manifests_files=[manifest_paths], parser=parser,) + manifest = collections.ASRAudioText(manifests_files=[manifest_paths], parser=parser) for i, s in enumerate(normalized_strings): self.assertTrue(manifest[i].text_tokens == parser(s)) def test_pytorch_audio_dataset(self): featurizer = WaveformFeaturizer.from_config(self.featurizer_config) - ds = AudioDataset(manifest_filepath=self.manifest_filepath, labels=self.labels, featurizer=featurizer,) + ds = AudioDataset(manifest_filepath=self.manifest_filepath, labels=self.labels, featurizer=featurizer) for i in range(len(ds)): if i == 5: @@ -218,7 +218,7 @@ def create_good_preprocessor_1(): def create_good_preprocessor_2(): nemo_asr.AudioToMelSpectrogramPreprocessor( - window_size=None, window_stride=None, n_window_size=256, n_window_stride=32, + window_size=None, window_stride=None, n_window_size=256, n_window_stride=32 ) self.assertRaises(ValueError, create_broken_preprocessor_1) @@ -361,19 +361,19 @@ def test_jasper_training(self): # print(jasper_encoder) log_probs = jasper_decoder(encoder_output=encoded) loss = ctc_loss( - log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len, + log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len ) callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[loss], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}'), + tensors=[loss], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}') ) # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `train` action neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) optimizer = neural_factory.get_trainer() optimizer.train( - [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003}, + [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003} ) def test_double_jasper_training(self): @@ -424,17 +424,17 @@ def test_double_jasper_training(self): log_probs = mx_max1(x1=log_probs1, x2=log_probs2) encoded_len = mx_max2(x1=encoded_len1, x2=encoded_len2) loss = ctc_loss( - log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len, + log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len ) callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback(tensors=[loss], print_func=lambda x: print(str(x[0].item()))) # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `train` action neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) optimizer = neural_factory.get_trainer() optimizer.train( - [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003}, + [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003} ) def test_quartznet_training(self): @@ -474,19 +474,19 @@ def test_quartznet_training(self): encoded, encoded_len = jasper_encoder(audio_signal=processed_signal, length=p_length) log_probs = jasper_decoder(encoder_output=encoded) loss = ctc_loss( - log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len, + log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len ) callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[loss], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}'), + tensors=[loss], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}') ) # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `train` action neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) optimizer = neural_factory.get_trainer() optimizer.train( - [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003}, + [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003} ) def test_stft_conv(self): @@ -528,17 +528,17 @@ def test_stft_conv(self): # print(jasper_encoder) log_probs = jasper_decoder(encoder_output=encoded) loss = ctc_loss( - log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len, + log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len ) callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback(tensors=[loss], print_func=lambda x: print(str(x[0].item()))) # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `train` action neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) optimizer = neural_factory.get_trainer() optimizer.train( - [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003}, + [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003} ) def test_clas(self): @@ -570,7 +570,7 @@ def test_clas(self): feat_in=cfg['input']['train']['features'], ) connector = nemo_asr.JasperRNNConnector( - in_channels=cfg['encoder']['jasper'][-1]['filters'], out_channels=cfg['decoder']['hidden_size'], + in_channels=cfg['encoder']['jasper'][-1]['filters'], out_channels=cfg['decoder']['hidden_size'] ) decoder = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.DecoderRNN( voc_size=len(self.labels), bos_id=0, **cfg['decoder'] # fictive @@ -589,11 +589,11 @@ def test_clas(self): callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback(tensors=[loss], print_func=lambda x: print(str(x[0].item()))) # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `train` action neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) optimizer = neural_factory.get_trainer() optimizer.train( - [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003}, + [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003} ) def test_jasper_eval(self): @@ -633,14 +633,11 @@ def test_jasper_eval(self): # print(jasper_encoder) log_probs = jasper_decoder(encoder_output=encoded) loss = ctc_loss( - log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len, + log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len ) predictions = greedy_decoder(log_probs=log_probs) - from nemo.collections.asr.helpers import ( - process_evaluation_batch, - process_evaluation_epoch, - ) + from nemo.collections.asr.helpers import process_evaluation_batch, process_evaluation_epoch eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=[loss, predictions, transcript, transcript_len], @@ -649,7 +646,7 @@ def test_jasper_eval(self): ) # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `train` action neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) neural_factory.eval(callbacks=[eval_callback]) diff --git a/tests/asr/test_weight_share.py b/tests/asr/test_weight_share.py index b5840630d1fd..8a5245135c48 100644 --- a/tests/asr/test_weight_share.py +++ b/tests/asr/test_weight_share.py @@ -106,7 +106,7 @@ def __check_if_weights_are_equal(self, w1: Dict, w2: Dict): else: for key in w1.keys(): all_same = all_same and np.array_equal( - w1[key][0].cpu().detach().numpy(), w2[key][0].cpu().detach().numpy(), + w1[key][0].cpu().detach().numpy(), w2[key][0].cpu().detach().numpy() ) return all_same @@ -141,16 +141,16 @@ def test_tie_weights2(self): embd.tie_weights_with( proj, weight_names=["embedding.weight"], - name2name_and_transform={"embedding.weight": ("projection.weight", WeightShareTransform.SAME,)}, + name2name_and_transform={"embedding.weight": ("projection.weight", WeightShareTransform.SAME)}, ) self.assertTrue( - np.array_equal(embd.embedding.weight.detach().numpy(), proj.projection.weight.detach().numpy(),) + np.array_equal(embd.embedding.weight.detach().numpy(), proj.projection.weight.detach().numpy()) ) was = embd.embedding.weight.detach().numpy() embd.embedding.weight.data = torch.tensor(np.random.randint(0, 10, (3, 2)) * 1.0) after = embd.embedding.weight.detach().numpy() self.assertTrue( - np.array_equal(embd.embedding.weight.detach().numpy(), proj.projection.weight.detach().numpy(),) + np.array_equal(embd.embedding.weight.detach().numpy(), proj.projection.weight.detach().numpy()) ) self.assertFalse(np.array_equal(was, after)) @@ -161,9 +161,9 @@ def test_set_weights(self): weights = torch.tensor(np.random.randint(0, 10, (3, 2)) * 1.0) name2weights = {"embedding.weight": (weights, True)} embd.set_weights(name2weight=name2weights) - self.assertTrue(np.array_equal(embd.embedding.weight.detach().numpy(), weights.detach().numpy(),)) + self.assertTrue(np.array_equal(embd.embedding.weight.detach().numpy(), weights.detach().numpy())) weights = torch.tensor(np.random.randint(0, 10, (3, 2)) * 1.0) - self.assertFalse(np.array_equal(embd.embedding.weight.detach().numpy(), weights.detach().numpy(),)) + self.assertFalse(np.array_equal(embd.embedding.weight.detach().numpy(), weights.detach().numpy())) def test_freeze_unfreeze_TrainableNM(self): path = os.path.abspath(os.path.join(os.path.dirname(__file__), "../data/jasper_smaller.yaml")) @@ -205,24 +205,24 @@ def test_freeze_unfreeze_TrainableNM(self): # print(jasper_encoder) log_probs = jasper_decoder(encoder_output=encoded) loss = ctc_loss( - log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len, + log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len ) callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[loss], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}'), + tensors=[loss], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}') ) # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `train` action neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) optimizer = neural_factory.get_trainer() optimizer.train( - [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 2, "lr": 0.0003}, + [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 2, "lr": 0.0003} ) def test_freeze_unfreeze_Wrapper(self): neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, placement=nemo.core.DeviceType.GPU, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, placement=nemo.core.DeviceType.GPU, create_tb_writer=False ) dl_train = nemo.backends.pytorch.ZerosDataLayer( @@ -244,7 +244,7 @@ def test_freeze_unfreeze_Wrapper(self): # NOTICE: pretrain=True argument resnet = neural_factory.get_module( - name="resnet18", params={"num_classes": 2}, collection="torchvision", pretrained=True, + name="resnet18", params={"num_classes": 2}, collection="torchvision", pretrained=True ) L_train = neural_factory.get_module(name="CrossEntropyLoss", collection="toys", params={}) @@ -259,13 +259,13 @@ def test_freeze_unfreeze_Wrapper(self): train_loss = L_train(predictions=outputs, labels=labels) callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[train_loss], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}'), + tensors=[train_loss], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}') ) # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `train` action neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) optimizer = neural_factory.get_trainer() optimizer.train( - [train_loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 2, "lr": 0.0003}, + [train_loss], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 2, "lr": 0.0003} ) diff --git a/tests/asr/test_zeroDS.py b/tests/asr/test_zeroDS.py index 304d63d67d9e..ae0232735739 100644 --- a/tests/asr/test_zeroDS.py +++ b/tests/asr/test_zeroDS.py @@ -105,10 +105,10 @@ def test_simple_train(self): loss_tensor = loss(predictions=y_pred, target=y) callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[loss_tensor], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}'), + tensors=[loss_tensor], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}') ) neural_factory.train( - [loss_tensor], callbacks=[callback], optimization_params={"num_epochs": 3, "lr": 0.0003}, optimizer="sgd", + [loss_tensor], callbacks=[callback], optimization_params={"num_epochs": 3, "lr": 0.0003}, optimizer="sgd" ) def test_asr_with_zero_ds(self): @@ -148,16 +148,16 @@ def test_asr_with_zero_ds(self): # print(jasper_encoder) log_probs = jasper_decoder(encoder_output=encoded) loss = ctc_loss( - log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len, + log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len ) callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[loss], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}'), + tensors=[loss], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}') ) # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `train` action neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) neural_factory.train( - [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimization_params={"num_epochs": 2, "lr": 0.0003}, optimizer="sgd", + [loss], callbacks=[callback], optimization_params={"num_epochs": 2, "lr": 0.0003}, optimizer="sgd" ) diff --git a/tests/test_deploy_export.py b/tests/test_deploy_export.py index a2194807512a..bbb7a7c64661 100644 --- a/tests/test_deploy_export.py +++ b/tests/test_deploy_export.py @@ -25,6 +25,7 @@ import nemo import nemo.collections.asr as nemo_asr import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm from tests.common_setup import NeMoUnitTest @@ -37,9 +38,7 @@ def __test_export_route(self, module, out_name, mode, input_example=None): if out.exists(): os.remove(out) - self.nf.deployment_export( - module=module, output=out_name, input_example=input_example, d_format=mode, - ) + self.nf.deployment_export(module=module, output=out_name, input_example=input_example, d_format=mode) self.assertTrue(out.exists()) if out.exists(): @@ -55,7 +54,9 @@ def test_simple_module_export(self): ) def test_TokenClassifier_module_export(self): - t_class = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(hidden_size=512, num_classes=16, use_transformer_pretrained=False) + t_class = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm.TokenClassifier( + hidden_size=512, num_classes=16, use_transformer_pretrained=False + ) self.__test_export_route( module=t_class, out_name="t_class.pt", @@ -64,7 +65,9 @@ def test_TokenClassifier_module_export(self): ) def test_TokenClassifier_module_onnx_export(self): - t_class = nemo_nlp.TokenClassifier(hidden_size=512, num_classes=16, use_transformer_pretrained=False) + t_class = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm.TokenClassifier( + hidden_size=512, num_classes=16, use_transformer_pretrained=False + ) self.__test_export_route( module=t_class, out_name="t_class.onnx", @@ -75,25 +78,23 @@ def test_TokenClassifier_module_onnx_export(self): def test_jasper_decoder_export_ts(self): j_decoder = nemo_asr.JasperDecoderForCTC(feat_in=1024, num_classes=33) self.__test_export_route( - module=j_decoder, out_name="j_decoder.ts", mode=nemo.core.DeploymentFormat.TORCHSCRIPT, input_example=None, + module=j_decoder, out_name="j_decoder.ts", mode=nemo.core.DeploymentFormat.TORCHSCRIPT, input_example=None ) def test_hf_bert_ts(self): - bert = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name="bert-base-uncased") + bert = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name="bert-base-uncased") input_example = ( torch.randint(low=0, high=16, size=(2, 16)).cuda(), torch.randint(low=0, high=1, size=(2, 16)).cuda(), torch.randint(low=0, high=1, size=(2, 16)).cuda(), ) self.__test_export_route( - module=bert, out_name="bert.ts", mode=nemo.core.DeploymentFormat.TORCHSCRIPT, input_example=input_example, + module=bert, out_name="bert.ts", mode=nemo.core.DeploymentFormat.TORCHSCRIPT, input_example=input_example ) def test_hf_bert_pt(self): - bert = nemo_nlp.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name="bert-base-uncased") - self.__test_export_route( - module=bert, out_name="bert.pt", mode=nemo.core.DeploymentFormat.PYTORCH, - ) + bert = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name="bert-base-uncased") + self.__test_export_route(module=bert, out_name="bert.pt", mode=nemo.core.DeploymentFormat.PYTORCH) def test_jasper_encoder_to_onnx(self): with open("tests/data/jasper_smaller.yaml") as file: @@ -110,5 +111,5 @@ def test_jasper_encoder_to_onnx(self): module=jasper_encoder, out_name="jasper_encoder.onnx", mode=nemo.core.DeploymentFormat.ONNX, - input_example=(torch.randn(16, 64, 256).cuda(), torch.randn(256).cuda(),), + input_example=(torch.randn(16, 64, 256).cuda(), torch.randn(256).cuda()), ) diff --git a/tests/test_infer.py b/tests/test_infer.py index 8e83ca1a0f2b..7de67ed5ad05 100644 --- a/tests/test_infer.py +++ b/tests/test_infer.py @@ -105,22 +105,20 @@ def test_infer_errors(self): with self.assertRaisesRegex(ValueError, "use_cache was set, but cache was empty"): evaluated_tensors = neural_factory.infer( - tensors=[twenty_tensor, thirty_tensor], verbose=False, use_cache=True, + tensors=[twenty_tensor, thirty_tensor], verbose=False, use_cache=True ) new_ten_tensor = minusten(mod_in=twenty_tensor) evaluated_tensors = neural_factory.infer(tensors=[new_ten_tensor], verbose=False, cache=True) with self.assertRaisesRegex(ValueError, "cache was set but was not empty"): - evaluated_tensors = neural_factory.infer( - tensors=[twenty_tensor, thirty_tensor], verbose=False, cache=True, - ) + evaluated_tensors = neural_factory.infer(tensors=[twenty_tensor, thirty_tensor], verbose=False, cache=True) neural_factory.clear_cache() evaluated_tensors = neural_factory.infer(tensors=[new_ten_tensor], verbose=False, cache=True) with self.assertRaisesRegex(ValueError, "cache and use_cache were both set."): evaluated_tensors = neural_factory.infer( - tensors=[twenty_tensor, thirty_tensor], verbose=False, cache=True, use_cache=True, + tensors=[twenty_tensor, thirty_tensor], verbose=False, cache=True, use_cache=True ) self.assertEqual(evaluated_tensors[0][0].squeeze().data, 10) diff --git a/tests/test_neural_factory.py b/tests/test_neural_factory.py index 83db0f16e4c8..f8785380c723 100644 --- a/tests/test_neural_factory.py +++ b/tests/test_neural_factory.py @@ -23,17 +23,17 @@ class TestNeuralFactory(NeMoUnitTest): def test_creation(self): neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) instance = neural_factory.get_module(name="TaylorNet", collection="toys", params={"dim": 4}) self.assertTrue(isinstance(instance, nemo.backends.pytorch.tutorials.TaylorNet)) def test_simple_example(self): neural_factory = nemo.core.neural_factory.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) dl = neural_factory.get_module( - name="RealFunctionDataLayer", collection="toys", params={"n": 10000, "batch_size": 128}, + name="RealFunctionDataLayer", collection="toys", params={"n": 10000, "batch_size": 128} ) fx = neural_factory.get_module(name="TaylorNet", collection="toys", params={"dim": 4}) loss = neural_factory.get_module(name="MSELoss", collection="toys", params={}) @@ -43,6 +43,4 @@ def test_simple_example(self): loss_tensor = loss(predictions=y_pred, target=y) optimizer = neural_factory.get_trainer() - optimizer.train( - [loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 1e-3, "num_epochs": 1}, - ) + optimizer.train([loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 1e-3, "num_epochs": 1}) diff --git a/tests/test_neural_types.py b/tests/test_neural_types.py index efcfff2065f7..361e60b02ae1 100644 --- a/tests/test_neural_types.py +++ b/tests/test_neural_types.py @@ -42,13 +42,13 @@ def setUp(self) -> None: print("ASR data found in: {0}".format(data_folder + "asr")) def test_same(self): - btc = NeuralType(axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}) - btc2 = NeuralType(axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}) + btc = NeuralType(axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}) + btc2 = NeuralType(axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}) self.assertEqual(btc2.compare(btc), NeuralTypeComparisonResult.SAME) def test_transpose_same(self): - btc = NeuralType(axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}) - tbc = NeuralType(axis2type={1: AxisType(BatchTag), 0: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}) + btc = NeuralType(axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}) + tbc = NeuralType(axis2type={1: AxisType(BatchTag), 0: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}) self.assertEqual(btc.compare(tbc), NeuralTypeComparisonResult.TRANSPOSE_SAME) self.assertEqual(tbc.compare(btc), NeuralTypeComparisonResult.TRANSPOSE_SAME) @@ -73,9 +73,9 @@ def test_dim_incompatible(self): self.assertEqual(nchw1.compare(nchw2), NeuralTypeComparisonResult.DIM_INCOMPATIBLE) def test_rank_incompatible(self): - btc = NeuralType(axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}) + btc = NeuralType(axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}) nchw = NeuralType( - axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(HeightTag), 3: AxisType(WidthTag),} + axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(HeightTag), 3: AxisType(WidthTag)} ) self.assertEqual(nchw.compare(btc), NeuralTypeComparisonResult.INCOMPATIBLE) @@ -90,10 +90,10 @@ def test_axis_type(self): def test_semantic_incompatible(self): nchw = NeuralType( - axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(HeightTag), 3: AxisType(WidthTag),} + axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(HeightTag), 3: AxisType(WidthTag)} ) badd = NeuralType( - axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag), 3: AxisType(WidthTag),} + axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag), 3: AxisType(WidthTag)} ) self.assertEqual(nchw.compare(badd), NeuralTypeComparisonResult.INCOMPATIBLE) self.assertEqual(badd.compare(nchw), NeuralTypeComparisonResult.INCOMPATIBLE) @@ -101,9 +101,9 @@ def test_semantic_incompatible(self): def test_root(self): root = NeuralType({}) non_tensor = NeuralType(None) - btc = NeuralType(axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag),}) + btc = NeuralType(axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}) nchw = NeuralType( - axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(HeightTag), 3: AxisType(WidthTag),} + axis2type={0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(HeightTag), 3: AxisType(WidthTag)} ) self.assertEqual(root.compare(btc), NeuralTypeComparisonResult.SAME) self.assertEqual(root.compare(nchw), NeuralTypeComparisonResult.SAME) @@ -116,10 +116,10 @@ def test_root(self): def test_combiner_type_infer(self): combiner = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.SimpleCombiner(mode="add") x_tg = nemo.core.NmTensor( - producer=None, producer_args=None, name=None, ntype=NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag),}), + producer=None, producer_args=None, name=None, ntype=NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}) ) y_tg = nemo.core.NmTensor( - producer=None, producer_args=None, name=None, ntype=NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag),}), + producer=None, producer_args=None, name=None, ntype=NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}) ) res = combiner(x1=y_tg, x2=x_tg) self.assertEqual(res.compare(x_tg), NeuralTypeComparisonResult.SAME) @@ -156,7 +156,7 @@ def test_optional_input_no_input(self): optimizer = nemo.backends.pytorch.actions.PtActions() optimizer.train( - tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1}, + tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1} ) def test_optional_input_no_with_input(self): @@ -168,7 +168,7 @@ def test_optional_input_no_with_input(self): loss_tensor = loss(predictions=y_pred, target=y) optimizer = nemo.backends.pytorch.actions.PtActions() optimizer.train( - tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1}, + tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1} ) def test_optional_input_no_with_wrong_input(self): @@ -187,9 +187,7 @@ def wrong_fn(): loss_tensor = loss(predictions=y_pred, target=y) optimizer = nemo.backends.pytorch.actions.PtActions() optimizer.train( - tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], - optimizer="sgd", - optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1}, + tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1} ) self.assertRaises(NeuralPortNmTensorMismatchError, wrong_fn) @@ -201,7 +199,7 @@ def test_simple_dags(self): labels = jasper_model_definition['labels'] data_layer = nemo_asr.AudioToTextDataLayer( - manifest_filepath=self.manifest_filepath, labels=labels, batch_size=4, + manifest_filepath=self.manifest_filepath, labels=labels, batch_size=4 ) data_preprocessor = nemo_asr.AudioToMelSpectrogramPreprocessor( **jasper_model_definition['AudioToMelSpectrogramPreprocessor'] @@ -215,7 +213,7 @@ def test_simple_dags(self): greedy_decoder = nemo_asr.GreedyCTCDecoder() # DAG definition - (audio_signal, audio_signal_len, transcript, transcript_len,) = data_layer() + (audio_signal, audio_signal_len, transcript, transcript_len) = data_layer() processed_signal, processed_signal_len = data_preprocessor(input_signal=audio_signal, length=audio_signal_len) spec_augment = nemo_asr.SpectrogramAugmentation(rect_masks=5) @@ -225,7 +223,7 @@ def test_simple_dags(self): log_probs = jasper_decoder(encoder_output=encoded) predictions = greedy_decoder(log_probs=log_probs) loss = ctc_loss( - log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len, + log_probs=log_probs, targets=transcript, input_length=encoded_len, target_length=transcript_len ) def wrong(): @@ -234,7 +232,7 @@ def wrong(): labels = jasper_config['labels'] data_layer = nemo_asr.AudioToTextDataLayer( - manifest_filepath=self.manifest_filepath, labels=labels, batch_size=4, + manifest_filepath=self.manifest_filepath, labels=labels, batch_size=4 ) data_preprocessor = nemo_asr.AudioToMelSpectrogramPreprocessor( **jasper_config['AudioToMelSpectrogramPreprocessor'] @@ -245,7 +243,7 @@ def wrong(): ) jasper_decoder = nemo_asr.JasperDecoderForCTC(feat_in=1024, num_classes=len(labels)) # DAG definition - (audio_signal, audio_signal_len, transcript, transcript_len,) = data_layer() + (audio_signal, audio_signal_len, transcript, transcript_len) = data_layer() processed_signal, processed_signal_len = data_preprocessor( input_signal=audio_signal, length=audio_signal_len ) diff --git a/tests/test_pytorch_trainers.py b/tests/test_pytorch_trainers.py index 9638b3f3ab15..cf85169c267f 100644 --- a/tests/test_pytorch_trainers.py +++ b/tests/test_pytorch_trainers.py @@ -32,27 +32,25 @@ def test_simple_train(self): optimizer = nemo.backends.pytorch.actions.PtActions() optimizer.train( - tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1}, + tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1} ) def test_simple_train_named_output(self): print('Simplest train test with using named output.') - data_source = nemo.backends.pytorch.tutorials.RealFunctionDataLayer(n=10000, batch_size=128,) + data_source = nemo.backends.pytorch.tutorials.RealFunctionDataLayer(n=10000, batch_size=128) trainable_module = nemo.backends.pytorch.tutorials.TaylorNet(dim=4) loss = nemo.backends.pytorch.tutorials.MSELoss() data = data_source() self.assertEqual( - first=type(data).__name__, - second='RealFunctionDataLayerOutput', - msg='Check output class naming coherence.', + first=type(data).__name__, second='RealFunctionDataLayerOutput', msg='Check output class naming coherence.' ) y_pred = trainable_module(x=data.x) loss_tensor = loss(predictions=y_pred, target=data.y) optimizer = nemo.backends.pytorch.actions.PtActions() optimizer.train( - tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1}, + tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1} ) def test_simple_chained_train(self): @@ -70,5 +68,5 @@ def test_simple_chained_train(self): optimizer = nemo.backends.pytorch.actions.PtActions() optimizer.train( - tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1}, + tensors_to_optimize=[loss_tensor], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"lr": 0.0003, "num_epochs": 1} ) diff --git a/tests/tts/test_tts.py b/tests/tts/test_tts.py index f867cce001ab..b76c39a6754a 100644 --- a/tests/tts/test_tts.py +++ b/tests/tts/test_tts.py @@ -72,7 +72,7 @@ def setUp(self) -> None: def test_tacotron2_training(self): data_layer = nemo_asr.AudioToTextDataLayer( - manifest_filepath=self.manifest_filepath, labels=self.labels, batch_size=4, + manifest_filepath=self.manifest_filepath, labels=self.labels, batch_size=4 ) preprocessing = nemo_asr.AudioToMelSpectrogramPreprocessor( window_size=None, @@ -86,7 +86,7 @@ def test_tacotron2_training(self): pad_value=-11.52, ) text_embedding = nemo_tts.TextEmbedding(len(self.labels), 256) - t2_enc = nemo_tts.Tacotron2Encoder(encoder_n_convolutions=2, encoder_kernel_size=5, encoder_embedding_dim=256,) + t2_enc = nemo_tts.Tacotron2Encoder(encoder_n_convolutions=2, encoder_kernel_size=5, encoder_embedding_dim=256) t2_dec = nemo_tts.Tacotron2Decoder( n_mel_channels=64, n_frames_per_step=1, @@ -103,7 +103,7 @@ def test_tacotron2_training(self): attention_location_kernel_size=15, ) t2_postnet = nemo_tts.Tacotron2Postnet( - n_mel_channels=64, postnet_embedding_dim=256, postnet_kernel_size=5, postnet_n_convolutions=3, + n_mel_channels=64, postnet_embedding_dim=256, postnet_kernel_size=5, postnet_n_convolutions=3 ) t2_loss = nemo_tts.Tacotron2Loss() makegatetarget = nemo_tts.MakeGate() @@ -113,9 +113,9 @@ def test_tacotron2_training(self): spec_target, spec_target_len = preprocessing(input_signal=audio, length=audio_len) transcript_embedded = text_embedding(char_phone=transcript) - transcript_encoded = t2_enc(char_phone_embeddings=transcript_embedded, embedding_length=transcript_len,) + transcript_encoded = t2_enc(char_phone_embeddings=transcript_embedded, embedding_length=transcript_len) mel_decoder, gate, _ = t2_dec( - char_phone_encoded=transcript_encoded, encoded_length=transcript_len, mel_target=spec_target, + char_phone_encoded=transcript_encoded, encoded_length=transcript_len, mel_target=spec_target ) mel_postnet = t2_postnet(mel_input=mel_decoder) gate_target = makegatetarget(mel_target=spec_target, target_len=spec_target_len) @@ -130,19 +130,19 @@ def test_tacotron2_training(self): ) callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[loss_t], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}'), + tensors=[loss_t], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}') ) # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `train` action neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) optimizer = neural_factory.get_trainer() optimizer.train( - [loss_t], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003}, + [loss_t], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003} ) def test_waveglow_training(self): - data_layer = nemo_tts.AudioDataLayer(manifest_filepath=self.manifest_filepath, n_segments=4000, batch_size=4,) + data_layer = nemo_tts.AudioDataLayer(manifest_filepath=self.manifest_filepath, n_segments=4000, batch_size=4) preprocessing = nemo_asr.AudioToMelSpectrogramPreprocessor( window_size=None, window_stride=None, @@ -174,13 +174,13 @@ def test_waveglow_training(self): loss_t = waveglow_loss(z=z, log_s_list=log_s_list, log_det_W_list=log_det_W_list) callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[loss_t], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}'), + tensors=[loss_t], print_func=lambda x: print(f'Train Loss: {str(x[0].item())}') ) # Instantiate an optimizer to perform `train` action neural_factory = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False, + backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=None, create_tb_writer=False ) optimizer = neural_factory.get_trainer() optimizer.train( - [loss_t], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003}, + [loss_t], callbacks=[callback], optimizer="sgd", optimization_params={"num_epochs": 10, "lr": 0.0003} ) From 0864e650b942547cf6477d309c8887e130cc9444 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 13:09:11 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 081/138] Changed nemo.logging to logging Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py | 22 +++++++-------- .../nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py | 6 ++-- .../nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py | 10 +++---- .../punctuation_capitalization_callback.py | 2 +- .../token_classification_callback.py | 10 +++---- .../nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py | 4 +-- .../punctuation_capitalization_dataset.py | 28 +++++++++---------- .../datasets/token_classification_dataset.py | 3 +- .../collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py | 10 +++---- 9 files changed, 47 insertions(+), 48 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py index b4020cc59b11..5accc209e80f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py @@ -5,7 +5,7 @@ import numpy as np from sklearn.metrics import classification_report -import nemo +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str, plot_confusion_matrix, tensor2list __all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] @@ -77,26 +77,26 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, graph_fold): i = 0 if intent_preds.shape[0] > sample_size + 1: i = random.randint(0, intent_preds.shape[0] - sample_size - 1) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled i_preds: [%s]" % list2str(intent_preds[i : i + sample_size])) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled intents: [%s]" % list2str(intent_labels[i : i + sample_size])) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled s_preds: [%s]" % list2str(slot_preds[i : i + sample_size])) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled slots: [%s]" % list2str(slot_labels[i : i + sample_size])) + logging.info("Sampled i_preds: [%s]" % list2str(intent_preds[i : i + sample_size])) + logging.info("Sampled intents: [%s]" % list2str(intent_labels[i : i + sample_size])) + logging.info("Sampled s_preds: [%s]" % list2str(slot_preds[i : i + sample_size])) + logging.info("Sampled slots: [%s]" % list2str(slot_labels[i : i + sample_size])) plot_confusion_matrix(intent_labels, intent_preds, graph_fold) - nemo.logging.info('Intent prediction results') + logging.info('Intent prediction results') correct_preds = sum(intent_labels == intent_preds) intent_accuracy = correct_preds / intent_labels.shape[0] - nemo.logging.info(f'Intent accuracy: {intent_accuracy}') - nemo.logging.info( + logging.info(f'Intent accuracy: {intent_accuracy}') + logging.info( f'Classification report:\n \ {classification_report(intent_labels, intent_preds)}' ) - nemo.logging.info('Slot prediction results') + logging.info('Slot prediction results') slot_accuracy = sum(slot_labels == slot_preds) / slot_labels.shape[0] - nemo.logging.info(f'Slot accuracy: {slot_accuracy}') - nemo.logging.info( + logging.info(f'Slot accuracy: {slot_accuracy}') + logging.info( f'Classification report:\n \ {classification_report(slot_labels[:-2], slot_preds[:-2])}' ) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py index baeaabe2d701..7b51a442a42c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py @@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ import numpy as np -import nemo +from nemo import logging def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): @@ -24,14 +24,14 @@ def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars): if 'dev_mlm_loss' in global_vars: mlm_loss = np.mean(global_vars["dev_mlm_loss"]) - nemo.logging.info("Dev MLM perplexity: {0}".format(np.round(np.exp(mlm_loss), 3))) + logging.info("Dev MLM perplexity: {0}".format(np.round(np.exp(mlm_loss), 3))) global_vars["dev_mlm_loss"] = [] else: mlm_loss = -123.0 if 'dev_nsp_loss' in global_vars: nsp_loss = np.mean(global_vars["dev_nsp_loss"]) - nemo.logging.info("Dev NSP perplexity: {0}".format(np.round(np.exp(nsp_loss), 3))) + logging.info("Dev NSP perplexity: {0}".format(np.round(np.exp(nsp_loss), 3))) global_vars["dev_nsp_loss"] = [] else: nsp_loss = -123.0 diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py index daffe2c64d2d..f444042b264b 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py @@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ import numpy as np -import nemo +from nemo import logging GLOBAL_KEYS = ["eval_loss", "sys"] @@ -23,10 +23,10 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars): eval_loss = np.mean(global_vars["eval_loss"]) eval_ppl = np.exp(eval_loss) - nemo.logging.info("------------------------------------------------------") - nemo.logging.info("Eval loss: {0}".format(np.round(eval_loss, 3))) - nemo.logging.info("Eval ppl: {0}".format(np.round(eval_ppl, 3))) - nemo.logging.info("------------------------------------------------------") + logging.info("------------------------------------------------------") + logging.info("Eval loss: {0}".format(np.round(eval_loss, 3))) + logging.info("Eval ppl: {0}".format(np.round(eval_ppl, 3))) + logging.info("------------------------------------------------------") for key in GLOBAL_KEYS: global_vars[key] = [] return dict({"Eval_loss": eval_loss, "Eval_ppl": eval_ppl}) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py index 25cc05faebb0..15dc6f9a5187 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py @@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ import numpy as np from sklearn.metrics import classification_report -import nemo +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str, plot_confusion_matrix, tensor2list diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py index 5b0e42342bde..2701378c0733 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py @@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ import numpy as np from sklearn.metrics import classification_report -import nemo +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str, plot_confusion_matrix, tensor2list @@ -51,21 +51,21 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, label_ids, graph_fold=None, none_labe preds = preds[subtokens_mask] accuracy = sum(labels == preds) / labels.shape[0] - nemo.logging.info(f'Accuracy: {accuracy}') + logging.info(f'Accuracy: {accuracy}') # print predictions and labels for a small random subset of data sample_size = 20 i = 0 if preds.shape[0] > sample_size + 1: i = random.randint(0, preds.shape[0] - sample_size - 1) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled preds: [%s]" % list2str(preds[i : i + sample_size])) - nemo.logging.info("Sampled labels: [%s]" % list2str(labels[i : i + sample_size])) + logging.info("Sampled preds: [%s]" % list2str(preds[i : i + sample_size])) + logging.info("Sampled labels: [%s]" % list2str(labels[i : i + sample_size])) # remove labels from label_ids that don't appear in the dev set used_labels = set(labels) | set(preds) label_ids = {k: label_ids[k] for k, v in label_ids.items() if v in used_labels} - nemo.logging.info(classification_report(labels, preds, target_names=label_ids)) + logging.info(classification_report(labels, preds, target_names=label_ids)) # calculate and plot confusion_matrix if graph_fold: diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py index 0b83c94d94e5..b6436be00766 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py @@ -26,7 +26,7 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset from tqdm import tqdm -import nemo +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import download_wkt2 from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.lm_transformer_dataset import create_vocab_mlm @@ -385,7 +385,7 @@ def __init__(self, dataset_name, data_dir, vocab_size, sample_size, special_toke data_dir, vocab_size, sample_size, special_tokens, train_file ) else: - nemo.logging.warning( + logging.warning( "Looks like you passed a dataset name that isn't " "already supported by NeMo. Please make sure that " "you build the preprocessing method for it." diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization_dataset.py index 36d643609c20..b8d8bfcd728b 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/punctuation_capitalization_dataset.py @@ -29,8 +29,8 @@ import numpy as np from torch.utils.data import Dataset -import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils as utils +from nemo import logging def get_features( @@ -162,12 +162,12 @@ def get_features( logging.info("*** Example ***") logging.info("i: %s" % (i)) logging.info("subtokens: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_subtokens[i])))) - nemo.logging.info("loss_mask: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_loss_mask[i])))) - nemo.logging.info("input_mask: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_input_mask[i])))) - nemo.logging.info("subtokens_mask: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_subtokens_mask[i])))) + logging.info("loss_mask: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_loss_mask[i])))) + logging.info("input_mask: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_input_mask[i])))) + logging.info("subtokens_mask: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, all_subtokens_mask[i])))) if with_label: - nemo.logging.info("punct_labels: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, punct_all_labels[i])))) - nemo.logging.info("capit_labels: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, capit_all_labels[i])))) + logging.info("punct_labels: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, punct_all_labels[i])))) + logging.info("capit_labels: %s" % " ".join(list(map(str, capit_all_labels[i])))) return ( all_input_ids, @@ -247,7 +247,7 @@ def __init__( if use_cache and os.path.exists(features_pkl): # If text_file was already processed, load from pickle features = pickle.load(open(features_pkl, 'rb')) - nemo.logging.info(f'features restored from {features_pkl}') + logging.info(f'features restored from {features_pkl}') else: if num_samples == 0: raise ValueError("num_samples has to be positive", num_samples) @@ -290,16 +290,16 @@ def __init__( # for dev/test sets use label mapping from training set if punct_label_ids: if len(punct_label_ids) != len(punct_unique_labels): - nemo.logging.info( + logging.info( 'Not all labels from the specified' + 'label_ids dictionary are present in the' + 'current dataset. Using the provided' + 'label_ids dictionary.' ) else: - nemo.logging.info('Using the provided label_ids dictionary.') + logging.info('Using the provided label_ids dictionary.') else: - nemo.logging.info( + logging.info( 'Creating a new label to label_id dictionary.' + ' It\'s recommended to use label_ids generated' + ' during training for dev/test sets to avoid' @@ -334,7 +334,7 @@ def create_label_ids(unique_labels, pad_label=pad_label): if use_cache: pickle.dump(features, open(features_pkl, "wb")) - nemo.logging.info(f'features saved to {features_pkl}') + logging.info(f'features saved to {features_pkl}') self.all_input_ids = features[0] self.all_segment_ids = features[1] @@ -350,14 +350,14 @@ def create_label_ids(unique_labels, pad_label=pad_label): def get_stats_and_save(all_labels, label_ids, name): infold = text_file[: text_file.rfind('/')] merged_labels = itertools.chain.from_iterable(all_labels) - nemo.logging.info('Three most popular labels') + logging.info('Three most popular labels') _, label_frequencies = utils.get_label_stats(merged_labels, infold + '/label_count_' + name + '.tsv') out = open(os.path.join(infold, name + '_label_ids.csv'), 'w') labels, _ = zip(*sorted(label_ids.items(), key=lambda x: x[1])) out.write('\n'.join(labels)) - nemo.logging.info(f'Labels: {label_ids}') - nemo.logging.info(f'Labels mapping saved to : {out.name}') + logging.info(f'Labels: {label_ids}') + logging.info(f'Labels mapping saved to : {out.name}') return label_frequencies diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification_dataset.py index b0858a91985e..5a62d98be03c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification_dataset.py @@ -27,9 +27,8 @@ import numpy as np from torch.utils.data import Dataset -import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils as datasets_utils -import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot_dataset +from nemo import logging __all__ = ['BertTokenClassificationDataset', 'BertTokenClassificationInferDataset'] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py index bb05af8d950b..4de761dfec8a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py @@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ import numpy as np -import nemo +from nemo import logging def _is_whitespace(c): @@ -27,11 +27,11 @@ def read_intent_slot_outputs( pred_slots = np.argmax(slot_logits, axis=2) slot_masks = slot_masks > 0.5 for i, query in enumerate(queries): - nemo.logging.info(f'Query: {query}') + logging.info(f'Query: {query}') pred = pred_intents[i] - nemo.logging.info(f'Predicted intent:\t{pred}\t{intent_dict[pred]}') + logging.info(f'Predicted intent:\t{pred}\t{intent_dict[pred]}') if intents is not None: - nemo.logging.info(f'True intent:\t{intents[i]}\t{intent_dict[intents[i]]}') + logging.info(f'True intent:\t{intents[i]}\t{intent_dict[intents[i]]}') pred_slot = pred_slots[i][slot_masks[i]] tokens = query.strip().split() @@ -43,7 +43,7 @@ def read_intent_slot_outputs( output = f'{token}\t{slot_dict[pred_slot[j]]}' if slots is not None: output = f'{output}\t{slot_dict[slots[i][j]]}' - nemo.logging.info(output) + logging.info(output) def get_vocab(file): From 6df0778befff115e8f72528af098f8cb1eb81952 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 13:22:53 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 082/138] Added transformer to the init Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py | 1 + 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py index 4df601cbf50f..4cc8d13585c1 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py @@ -1,4 +1,5 @@ import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface +import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_classification_nm import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_regression_nm import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm import * From 44bd3812d797ba2238470b3f3e3646a7f0f56163 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 13:29:38 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 083/138] Fixed lgtm warnings. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot_dataset.py | 2 +- .../nlp/data/datasets/text_classification_dataset.py | 7 +++---- 2 files changed, 4 insertions(+), 5 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot_dataset.py index d15fe857ea68..4abc70923226 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/joint_intent_slot_dataset.py @@ -24,7 +24,7 @@ import numpy as np from torch.utils.data import Dataset -import nemo +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import ( get_label_stats, get_stats, diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/text_classification_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/text_classification_dataset.py index 135383838ee8..11340ffa4da5 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/text_classification_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/text_classification_dataset.py @@ -25,8 +25,6 @@ import numpy as np from torch.utils.data import Dataset -import nemo -import nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot_dataset from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import ( get_intent_labels, @@ -38,6 +36,7 @@ process_sst_2, process_thucnews, ) +from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import calc_class_weights, if_exist __all__ = ['BertTextClassificationDataset'] @@ -153,8 +152,8 @@ def convert_sequences_to_features(self, all_sent_subtokens, sent_labels, tokeniz logging.info("example_index: %s" % sent_id) logging.info("subtokens: %s" % " ".join(sent_subtokens)) logging.info("sent_label: %s" % sent_label) - logging.info("input_ids: %s" % nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils.list2str(input_ids)) - logging.info("input_mask: %s" % nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils.list2str(input_mask)) + logging.info("input_ids: %s" % list2str(input_ids)) + logging.info("input_mask: %s" % list2str(input_mask)) self.features.append( InputFeatures( From b3c15133fbc40e7b636bfa629947b9861b90fd43 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 13:57:02 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 084/138] Fixed transformer package. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py index 4cc8d13585c1..42c48ed7daa8 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface -import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_classification_nm import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_regression_nm import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer import * From 8c587964c03e954e2c27842a82a5c1acb86028ad Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 14:11:18 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 085/138] Fixed unused local variables. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py | 8 ++++---- 1 file changed, 4 insertions(+), 4 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py index 2ecf09af64f1..0ac18b93c462 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py @@ -143,7 +143,7 @@ def process_nlu(filename, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dataset_name='nlu-ub if not os.path.exists(filename): link = 'https://github.com/sebischair/NLU-Evaluation-Corpora' - raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {filename}. ' 'Please download IMDB from {link}.') + raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {filename}. ' f'Please download IMDB from {link}.') if dataset_name == 'nlu-ubuntu': INTENT = {'makeupdate': 1, 'setupprinter': 2, 'shutdowncomputer': 3, 'softwarerecommendation': 4, 'none': 0} @@ -361,7 +361,7 @@ def process_mturk(data_dir, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dev_split=0.1): if not os.path.exists(data_dir): link = 'www.mturk.com' raise ValueError( - f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' 'Export your mturk data from' '{link} and unzip at {data_dir}.' + f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' f'Export your mturk data from' f'{link} and unzip at {data_dir}.' ) outfold = f'{data_dir}/nemo-processed' @@ -683,7 +683,7 @@ def process_dialogflow(data_dir, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dev_split=0.1 if not os.path.exists(data_dir): link = 'www.dialogflow.com' raise ValueError( - f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' 'Export your dialogflow data from' '{link} and unzip at {data_dir}.' + f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' f'Export your dialogflow data from' f'{link} and unzip at {data_dir}.' ) outfold = f'{data_dir}/dialogflow/nemo-processed' @@ -753,7 +753,7 @@ def process_snips(data_dir, uncased, modes=['train', 'test'], dev_split=0.1): if not os.path.exists(data_dir): link = 'www.github.com/snipsco/spoken-language' '-understanding-research-datasets' - raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' 'Resquest to download the SNIPS dataset from {link}.') + raise ValueError(f'Data not found at {data_dir}. ' f'Resquest to download the SNIPS dataset from {link}.') outfold = f'{data_dir}/nemo-processed' From c5127a1e9b8aa267f905b9fc9a3b360f82c2c7ab Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 14:18:28 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 086/138] Fixed lgtm. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py index 2c217d1355ed..da7011a3b206 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py @@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import transformer_weights_init from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag -__all_ = ['JointIntentSlotClassifier'] +__all__ = ['JointIntentSlotClassifier'] class JointIntentSlotClassifier(TrainableNM): From ae83cffb47778e7d48e4efe5e29bbe256155bd0d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 14:26:00 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 087/138] Fixed lgtm. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py | 1 + nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py | 14 ++++++++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py | 2 ++ 3 files changed, 17 insertions(+) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py index fb5c0b74c32b..e706b1e78a67 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py @@ -1,4 +1,5 @@ __all__ = ['list2str', 'tensor2list', 'plot_confusion_matrix'] + import os import time diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py index 4de761dfec8a..47b848541f66 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py @@ -1,3 +1,17 @@ +__all__ = [ + '_is_whitespace', + 'mask_padded_tokens', + 'read_intent_slot_outputs', + 'get_vocab', + 'write_vocab', + 'label2idx', + 'write_vocab_in_order', + 'if_exist', + 'remove_punctuation_from_sentence', + 'ids2text', + 'calc_class_weights', +] + import os import re import string diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py index 17406c5cef21..1f9fecd1d65e 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py @@ -1,3 +1,5 @@ +__all__ = ['_compute_softmax'] + import math From b8514730bf236516926887f6e4adbfc69f6e0725 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 14:39:17 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 088/138] Fixed logging in examples. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py | 4 ++-- examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py | 8 ++++---- examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py | 4 ++-- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py | 15 ++++++++------- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py | 10 +++++----- examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py | 12 ++++++------ examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py | 5 +++-- examples/nlp/squad.py | 6 +++--- examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py | 10 +++++----- examples/nlp/token_classification.py | 15 +++++++-------- examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py | 5 +++-- 11 files changed, 48 insertions(+), 46 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py b/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py index 82440a75c2d6..01793027c473 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py +++ b/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py @@ -4,9 +4,9 @@ import torch -import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.machine_translation_datalayer +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.machine_translation_callback import ( eval_epochs_done_callback_wer, eval_iter_callback, @@ -158,7 +158,7 @@ def create_pipeline(dataset, tokens_in_batch, clean=False, training=True): def print_loss(x): loss = x[0].item() - nemo.logging.info("Training loss: {:.4f}".format(loss)) + logging.info("Training loss: {:.4f}".format(loss)) # callbacks diff --git a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py index 08a24f2f3497..7f835f22b282 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py +++ b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py @@ -64,8 +64,8 @@ from pytorch_transformers import BertConfig -import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import BERTPretrainingDataDesc from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy @@ -150,11 +150,11 @@ args.dataset_name, args.data_dir, args.vocab_size, args.sample_size, special_tokens, 'train.txt' ) if args.tokenizer == "sentence-piece": - nemo.logging.info("To use SentencePieceTokenizer.") + logging.info("To use SentencePieceTokenizer.") tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.SentencePieceTokenizer(model_path=data_desc.tokenizer_model) tokenizer.add_special_tokens(special_tokens) elif args.tokenizer == "nemo-bert": - nemo.logging.info("To use NemoBertTokenizer.") + logging.info("To use NemoBertTokenizer.") vocab_file = os.path.join(args.data_dir, 'vocab.txt') # To train on a Chinese dataset, use NemoBertTokenizer tokenizer = nemo_nlp.data.NemoBertTokenizer(vocab_file=vocab_file) @@ -262,7 +262,7 @@ def create_pipeline(data_file, batch_size, preprocessed_data=False, batches_per_ train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=log_tensors, step_freq=args.print_step_freq, - print_func=lambda x: nemo.logging.info(print_msg.format(*[y.item() for y in x])), + print_func=lambda x: logging.info(print_msg.format(*[y.item() for y in x])), get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]]], tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, ) diff --git a/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py b/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py index 566e062a5f8c..757004e64991 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py +++ b/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py @@ -64,7 +64,7 @@ import json import os -import nemo +from nemo import logging from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import CrossEntropyLoss, MSELoss from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.glue_benchmark_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer @@ -303,7 +303,7 @@ def create_pipeline( ) ) -nemo.logging.info(f"steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") +logging.info(f"steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") callback_train = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=[train_loss], print_func=lambda x: print("Loss: {:.3f}".format(x[0].item())), diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py index 9e33b4b6ffa5..21c87cc3cb29 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py @@ -6,6 +6,7 @@ from transformers import BertTokenizer import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot.joint_intent_slot_nm +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot_dataset import JointIntentSlotDataDesc # Parsing arguments @@ -43,7 +44,7 @@ data_desc = JointIntentSlotDataDesc(args.data_dir, args.do_lower_case, args.dataset_name) # Evaluation pipeline -nemo.logging.info("Loading eval data...") +logging.info("Loading eval data...") data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.joint_intent_slot_datalayer.BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer( input_file=f'{data_desc.data_dir}/{args.eval_file_prefix}.tsv', slot_file=f'{data_desc.data_dir}/{args.eval_file_prefix}_slots.tsv', @@ -87,13 +88,13 @@ def get_preds(logits): ] pred_intents = np.argmax(intent_logits, 1) -nemo.logging.info('Intent prediction results') +logging.info('Intent prediction results') intents = np.asarray(intents) pred_intents = np.asarray(pred_intents) intent_accuracy = sum(intents == pred_intents) / len(pred_intents) -nemo.logging.info(f'Intent accuracy: {intent_accuracy}') -nemo.logging.info(classification_report(intents, pred_intents)) +logging.info(f'Intent accuracy: {intent_accuracy}') +logging.info(classification_report(intents, pred_intents)) slot_preds = np.argmax(slot_logits, axis=2) slot_preds_list, slot_labels_list = [], [] @@ -102,9 +103,9 @@ def get_preds(logits): slot_preds_list.extend(list(slot_preds[i][subtokens_mask[i]])) slot_labels_list.extend(list(slot_labels[i][subtokens_mask[i]])) -nemo.logging.info('Slot prediction results') +logging.info('Slot prediction results') slot_labels_list = np.asarray(slot_labels_list) slot_preds_list = np.asarray(slot_preds_list) slot_accuracy = sum(slot_labels_list == slot_preds_list) / len(slot_labels_list) -nemo.logging.info(f'Slot accuracy: {slot_accuracy}') -nemo.logging.info(classification_report(slot_labels_list, slot_preds_list)) +logging.info(f'Slot accuracy: {slot_accuracy}') +logging.info(classification_report(slot_labels_list, slot_preds_list)) diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py index eb37c7fe4e0a..cc3442df0f57 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py @@ -5,10 +5,10 @@ import numpy as np from transformers import BertTokenizer -import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.joint_intent_slot_datalayer import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot.joint_intent_slot_nm +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.joint_intent_slot_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot_dataset import JointIntentSlotDataDesc from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy @@ -106,7 +106,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mode='train'): - nemo.logging.info(f"Loading {mode} data...") + logging.info(f"Loading {mode} data...") data_file = f'{data_desc.data_dir}/{mode}.tsv' slot_file = f'{data_desc.data_dir}/{mode}_slots.tsv' shuffle = args.shuffle_data if mode == 'train' else False @@ -132,12 +132,12 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mod print(f'The length of data layer is {data_size}') if data_size < batch_size: - nemo.logging.warning("Batch_size is larger than the dataset size") - nemo.logging.warning("Reducing batch_size to dataset size") + logging.warning("Batch_size is larger than the dataset size") + logging.warning("Reducing batch_size to dataset size") batch_size = data_size steps_per_epoch = math.ceil(data_size / (batch_size * num_gpus)) - nemo.logging.info(f"Steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") + logging.info(f"Steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") hidden_states = pretrained_bert_model(input_ids=ids, token_type_ids=type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask) diff --git a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py index 7e24be42f321..c93f2ee83c01 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py +++ b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py @@ -4,9 +4,9 @@ import json import os -import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp import nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.punctuation_capitalization_callback import ( eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback, @@ -105,7 +105,7 @@ add_time_to_log_dir=True, ) -nemo.logging.info(args) +logging.info(args) output_file = f'{nf.work_dir}/output.txt' @@ -138,7 +138,7 @@ ) model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) - nemo.logging.info(f"Model restored from {args.bert_checkpoint}") + logging.info(f"Model restored from {args.bert_checkpoint}") hidden_size = model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] @@ -168,7 +168,7 @@ def create_pipeline( ): global punct_classifier, punct_loss, capit_classifier, capit_loss, task_loss - nemo.logging.info(f"Loading {mode} data...") + logging.info(f"Loading {mode} data...") shuffle = args.shuffle_data if mode == 'train' else False text_file = f'{args.data_dir}/text_{mode}.txt' @@ -212,7 +212,7 @@ def create_pipeline( class_weights = None if args.use_weighted_loss_punct: - nemo.logging.info(f"Using weighted loss for punctuation task") + logging.info(f"Using weighted loss for punctuation task") punct_label_freqs = data_layer.dataset.punct_label_frequencies class_weights = nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils.calc_class_weights(punct_label_freqs) @@ -261,7 +261,7 @@ def create_pipeline( mode='dev', punct_label_ids=punct_label_ids, capit_label_ids=capit_label_ids ) -nemo.logging.info(f"steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") +logging.info(f"steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") # Create trainer and execute training action train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( diff --git a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py index ee0405482b81..4759ce189dc9 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py @@ -4,6 +4,7 @@ import numpy as np import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import get_vocab @@ -123,7 +124,7 @@ def get_preds(logits): capit_preds = np.argmax(capit_logits, axis=2) for i, query in enumerate(args.queries): - nemo.logging.info(f'Query: {query}') + logging.info(f'Query: {query}') punct_pred = punct_preds[i][subtokens_mask[i] > 0.5] capit_pred = capit_preds[i][subtokens_mask[i] > 0.5] @@ -142,4 +143,4 @@ def get_preds(logits): if punct_label != args.none_label: output += punct_label output += ' ' - nemo.logging.info(f'Combined: {output.strip()}\n') + logging.info(f'Combined: {output.strip()}\n') diff --git a/examples/nlp/squad.py b/examples/nlp/squad.py index bc0326c4f6d9..24b0baf7d0c1 100755 --- a/examples/nlp/squad.py +++ b/examples/nlp/squad.py @@ -62,8 +62,8 @@ import json import os -import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.qa_squad_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy @@ -329,7 +329,7 @@ def create_pipeline( ) if not args.evaluation_only: - nemo.logging.info(f"steps_per_epoch = {train_steps_per_epoch}") + logging.info(f"steps_per_epoch = {train_steps_per_epoch}") callback_train = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=[train_loss], print_func=lambda x: print("Loss: {:.3f}".format(x[0].item())), @@ -394,7 +394,7 @@ def create_pipeline( null_score_diff_threshold=args.null_score_diff_threshold, do_lower_case=args.do_lower_case, ) - nemo.logging.info(f"exact_match: {exact_match}, f1: {f1}") + logging.info(f"exact_match: {exact_match}, f1: {f1}") if args.output_prediction_file is not None: with open(args.output_prediction_file, "w") as writer: writer.write(json.dumps(all_predictions, indent=4) + "\n") diff --git a/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py index 850360f79832..0855c2226ba9 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py @@ -4,9 +4,9 @@ import numpy as np from transformers import BertTokenizer -import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_classification_datalayer import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_classification_nm +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.text_classification_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.text_classification_dataset import SentenceClassificationDataDesc from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy @@ -92,7 +92,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mode='train'): - nemo.logging.info(f"Loading {mode} data...") + logging.info(f"Loading {mode} data...") data_file = f'{data_desc.data_dir}/{mode}.tsv' shuffle = args.shuffle_data if mode == 'train' else False @@ -111,12 +111,12 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mod data_size = len(data_layer) if data_size < batch_size: - nemo.logging.warning("Batch_size is larger than the dataset size") - nemo.logging.warning("Reducing batch_size to dataset size") + logging.warning("Batch_size is larger than the dataset size") + logging.warning("Reducing batch_size to dataset size") batch_size = data_size steps_per_epoch = math.ceil(data_size / (batch_size * num_gpus)) - nemo.logging.info(f"Steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") + logging.info(f"Steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") hidden_states = pretrained_bert_model(input_ids=ids, token_type_ids=type_ids, attention_mask=input_mask) diff --git a/examples/nlp/token_classification.py b/examples/nlp/token_classification.py index a7b85166d8ec..f9d32b05ed24 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/token_classification.py +++ b/examples/nlp/token_classification.py @@ -4,11 +4,10 @@ import json import os -import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.token_classification_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer, SentencePieceTokenizer -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import datasets_utils from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers import BertTokenClassificationDataLayer from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses import TokenClassificationLoss from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables import TokenClassifier @@ -92,7 +91,7 @@ add_time_to_log_dir=True, ) -nemo.logging.info(args) +logging.info(args) output_file = f'{nf.work_dir}/output.txt' @@ -125,7 +124,7 @@ ) model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) - nemo.logging.info(f"Model restored from {args.bert_checkpoint}") + logging.info(f"Model restored from {args.bert_checkpoint}") hidden_size = model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] @@ -150,7 +149,7 @@ def create_pipeline( ): global classifier, task_loss - nemo.logging.info(f"Loading {mode} data...") + logging.info(f"Loading {mode} data...") shuffle = args.shuffle_data if mode == 'train' else False text_file = f'{args.data_dir}/text_{mode}.txt' @@ -192,11 +191,11 @@ def create_pipeline( class_weights = None if args.use_weighted_loss: - nemo.logging.info(f"Using weighted loss") + logging.info(f"Using weighted loss") label_freqs = data_layer.dataset.label_frequencies class_weights = nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils.calc_class_weights(label_freqs) - nemo.logging.info(f"class_weights: {class_weights}") + logging.info(f"class_weights: {class_weights}") classifier = classifier( hidden_size=hidden_size, num_classes=len(label_ids), dropout=dropout, num_layers=num_layers @@ -222,7 +221,7 @@ def create_pipeline( eval_tensors, _, _, _, data_layer = create_pipeline(mode='dev', label_ids=label_ids) -nemo.logging.info(f"steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") +logging.info(f"steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") # Create trainer and execute training action train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( diff --git a/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py b/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py index d74f812ccb15..c46c85b2488f 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py @@ -4,6 +4,7 @@ import numpy as np import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm +from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.data import NemoBertTokenizer from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import get_vocab @@ -95,7 +96,7 @@ def add_brackets(text, add=args.add_brackets): preds = np.argmax(logits, axis=2) for i, query in enumerate(args.queries): - nemo.logging.info(f'Query: {query}') + logging.info(f'Query: {query}') pred = preds[i][subtokens_mask[i] > 0.5] words = query.strip().split() @@ -110,4 +111,4 @@ def add_brackets(text, add=args.add_brackets): label = add_brackets(label) output += label output += ' ' - nemo.logging.info(f'Combined: {output.strip()}') + logging.info(f'Combined: {output.strip()}') From b8f57bfb53e47243fe769d428c74a8fbec2ba0ea Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 15:35:38 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 089/138] Moved __all__ after imports. Added more __all__:) Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py | 1 - .../nlp/callbacks/glue_benchmark_callback.py | 4 +-- .../callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py | 1 - .../nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py | 4 +-- .../nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py | 3 +- .../callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py | 4 +-- .../punctuation_capitalization_callback.py | 4 +-- .../nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py | 4 +-- .../callbacks/text_classification_callback.py | 2 -- .../token_classification_callback.py | 4 +-- .../nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py | 36 +++++++++++++++++++ .../nlp/data/datasets/qa_squad_dataset.py | 1 + ...b_format_to_token_classification_format.py | 1 - .../nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py | 3 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py | 3 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py | 5 ++- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py | 3 +- .../tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py | 3 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py | 3 +- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py | 3 +- .../data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py | 3 +- .../data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py | 3 +- .../joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py | 3 +- .../nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py | 3 +- .../data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py | 3 +- .../machine_translation_datalayer.py | 3 +- .../punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py | 3 +- .../nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py | 3 +- .../text_classification_datalayer.py | 3 +- .../nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py | 4 +-- .../token_classification_datalayer.py | 3 +- .../nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py | 3 +- .../nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py | 3 +- .../losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py | 3 +- .../padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py | 3 +- .../nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py | 3 +- .../nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py | 3 +- .../nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py | 3 +- .../trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py | 3 +- .../common/sequence_classification_nm.py | 3 +- .../common/sequence_regression_nm.py | 3 +- .../common/token_classification_nm.py | 3 +- nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py | 4 +-- .../collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py | 16 ++++----- nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py | 4 +-- 45 files changed, 120 insertions(+), 63 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py index 1f76b39a9ba2..5035e5ea4dd6 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py @@ -17,6 +17,5 @@ import nemo.collections.nlp.data import nemo.collections.nlp.nm import nemo.collections.nlp.utils -from nemo import logging backend = nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue_benchmark_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue_benchmark_callback.py index 6cf082198329..1368284d66fd 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue_benchmark_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/glue_benchmark_callback.py @@ -19,8 +19,6 @@ Some transformer of this code were adapted from the HuggingFace library at https://github.com/huggingface/transformers """ -__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] - import os import random @@ -31,6 +29,8 @@ from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str, tensor2list +__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] + def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): if "all_preds" not in global_vars.keys(): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py index 5accc209e80f..5dbd77fb8bde 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py @@ -1,5 +1,4 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation - import random import numpy as np diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py index 7b51a442a42c..9a1d7c024904 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py @@ -1,10 +1,10 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] - import numpy as np from nemo import logging +__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] + def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): if "dev_mlm_loss" not in global_vars.keys(): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py index f444042b264b..6cf5c3c68ead 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py @@ -1,10 +1,9 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] - import numpy as np from nemo import logging +__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] GLOBAL_KEYS = ["eval_loss", "sys"] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py index c531421de0c6..6a567a6ece08 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py @@ -1,12 +1,12 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] - import numpy as np from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.asr.metrics import word_error_rate from nemo.collections.nlp.metrics.sacrebleu import corpus_bleu +__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] + GLOBAL_KEYS = ["eval_loss", "ref", "sys", "sent_ids", "nonpad_tokens"] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py index 15dc6f9a5187..2e226ec047b4 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py @@ -1,6 +1,4 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] - import random import numpy as np @@ -9,6 +7,8 @@ from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str, plot_confusion_matrix, tensor2list +__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] + def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): if "punct_all_preds" not in global_vars.keys(): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py index 5c4a7b7ecdba..b99cb0331c14 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py @@ -14,10 +14,10 @@ limitations under the License. """ -__all__ = ['eval_epochs_done_callback', 'eval_iter_callback'] - from nemo import logging +__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] + def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): if "eval_start_logits" not in global_vars.keys(): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/text_classification_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/text_classification_callback.py index 60d898118b82..e4180f69c9fb 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/text_classification_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/text_classification_callback.py @@ -1,6 +1,4 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] - import random import numpy as np diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py index 2701378c0733..51a86424ace4 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py @@ -1,6 +1,4 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] - import random import numpy as np @@ -9,6 +7,8 @@ from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.callback_utils import list2str, plot_confusion_matrix, tensor2list +__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] + def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars): if "all_preds" not in global_vars.keys(): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py index 0ac18b93c462..d2661da72eac 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py @@ -22,6 +22,42 @@ write_vocab_in_order, ) +__all__ = [ + 'get_label_stats', + 'process_sst_2', + 'process_imdb', + 'process_thucnews', + 'process_nlu', + 'process_twitter_airline', + 'process_atis', + 'process_jarvis_datasets', + 'process_mturk', + 'process_intent_slot_mturk', + 'get_intents_mturk', + 'get_slot_labels', + 'merge', + 'get_intent_query_files_dialogflow', + 'get_intents_slots_dialogflow', + 'get_slots_dialogflow', + 'partition_data', + 'write_files', + 'process_dialogflow', + 'write_data', + 'create_dataset', + 'read_csv', + 'process_snips', + 'get_dataset', + 'partition', + 'map_entities', + 'get_entities', + 'get_data', + 'reverse_dict', + 'get_intent_labels', + 'download_wkt2', + 'normalize_answer', + 'get_tokens', +] + DATABASE_EXISTS_TMP = '{} dataset has already been processed and stored at {}' MODE_EXISTS_TMP = '{} mode of {} dataset has already been processed and stored at {}' diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/qa_squad_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/qa_squad_dataset.py index b415c99bb231..bf68e7bb7a55 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/qa_squad_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/qa_squad_dataset.py @@ -42,6 +42,7 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import _is_whitespace from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.loss_utils import _compute_softmax +__all__ = ['SquadDataset'] """ Utility functions for Question Answering NLP tasks diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py index d8ca5718eaf7..71897ecaef79 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py @@ -13,7 +13,6 @@ # limitations under the License.**** import argparse -import logging import os from nemo import logging diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py index 8dba1571a986..3d051d79d8c6 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py @@ -1,10 +1,11 @@ -__all__ = ['NemoBertTokenizer'] import re from transformers import BertTokenizer from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +__all__ = ['NemoBertTokenizer'] + def handle_quotes(text): text_ = "" diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py index 9d7335cf6bf0..3b4c233c8c5b 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py @@ -1,6 +1,7 @@ -__all__ = ['CharTokenizer'] from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +__all__ = ['CharTokenizer'] + class CharTokenizer(TokenizerSpec): def __init__(self, vocab_path): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py index 578a3823e62f..66920ed3ea77 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py @@ -2,14 +2,13 @@ https://github.com/NVIDIA/DeepLearningExamples/blob/ master/PyTorch/Translation/Transformer/fairseq/tokenizer.py """ - -__all__ = ['get_unicode_categories', 'tokenize_en'] - import re import sys import unicodedata from collections import defaultdict +__all__ = ['get_unicode_categories', 'tokenize_en'] + def get_unicode_categories(): cats = defaultdict(list) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py index 85dc3a02fc7b..9930755e017f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ -__all__ = ['NemoGPT2Tokenizer'] from transformers import GPT2Tokenizer from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +__all__ = ['NemoGPT2Tokenizer'] + class NemoGPT2Tokenizer(TokenizerSpec): def __init__( diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py index 8405526e4794..d69b5417d08b 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ -__all__ = ['SentencePieceTokenizer'] import sentencepiece as spm from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +__all__ = ['SentencePieceTokenizer'] + class SentencePieceTokenizer(TokenizerSpec): def __init__(self, model_path): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py index 3d0c5d257d8f..3944743e7eb1 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py @@ -1,7 +1,8 @@ -__all__ = ['TokenizerSpec'] from abc import ABC, abstractmethod from typing import List +__all__ = ['TokenizerSpec'] + class TokenizerSpec(ABC): @abstractmethod diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py index ee1b847537e0..93d5b61f2364 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py @@ -1,6 +1,7 @@ -__all__ = ['WordTokenizer'] from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +__all__ = ['WordTokenizer'] + class WordTokenizer(TokenizerSpec): def __init__(self, vocab_path): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py index 91135a899ff1..153cb993e23f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ -__all__ = ['YouTokenToMeTokenizer'] import youtokentome as yttm from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec +__all__ = ['YouTokenToMeTokenizer'] + class YouTokenToMeTokenizer(TokenizerSpec): def __init__(self, model_path): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py index 8f7c4f11dcf8..a5090cc8f046 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ -__all__ = ['GlueClassificationDataLayer', 'GlueRegressionDataLayer'] from nemo.collections.nlp.data import GLUEDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, CategoricalTag, NeuralType, RegressionTag, TimeTag +__all__ = ['GlueClassificationDataLayer', 'GlueRegressionDataLayer'] + class GlueClassificationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py index 127ce3c3eef5..722f4a5b185a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ -__all__ = ['BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer', 'BertJointIntentSlotInferDataLayer'] from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertJointIntentSlotDataset, BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer', 'BertJointIntentSlotInferDataLayer'] + class BertJointIntentSlotDataLayer(TextDataLayer): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py index abe1d711f63d..e2bcdecbaa88 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py @@ -1,4 +1,3 @@ -__all__ = ['BertPretrainingDataLayer', 'BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataLayer'] import os import random @@ -12,6 +11,8 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['BertPretrainingDataLayer', 'BertPretrainingPreprocessedDataLayer'] + class BertPretrainingDataLayer(TextDataLayer): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py index 0bcc95bd6911..e51943605316 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ -__all__ = ['LanguageModelingDataLayer'] from nemo.collections.nlp.data import LanguageModelingDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['LanguageModelingDataLayer'] + class LanguageModelingDataLayer(TextDataLayer): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py index a9a3d21d0e2e..9358cc0696bc 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py @@ -1,4 +1,3 @@ -__all__ = ['TranslationDataLayer'] import torch from torch.utils import data as pt_data @@ -7,6 +6,8 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['TranslationDataLayer'] + class TranslationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py index b9f77e76a975..9d14f8262893 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ -__all__ = ['PunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer'] from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['PunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer'] + class PunctuationCapitalizationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): @property diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py index 2f37c94faa7e..fe8f4dce505f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ -__all__ = ['BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer'] from nemo.collections.nlp.data import SquadDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer'] + class BertQuestionAnsweringDataLayer(TextDataLayer): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py index b2ec2b106eb3..e8f46b611e14 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ -__all__ = ['BertSentenceClassificationDataLayer'] from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertTextClassificationDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['BertSentenceClassificationDataLayer'] + class BertSentenceClassificationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py index 1a066b323531..1f4f43b0fa02 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py @@ -1,8 +1,8 @@ -__all__ = ['TextDataLayer'] - from nemo.backends.pytorch import DataLayerNM from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import * +__all__ = ['TextDataLayer'] + class TextDataLayer(DataLayerNM): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py index 90e54547341d..3e5ba73fc5f7 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ -__all__ = ['BertTokenClassificationDataLayer', 'BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer'] from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertTokenClassificationDataset, BertTokenClassificationInferDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['BertTokenClassificationDataLayer', 'BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer'] + class BertTokenClassificationDataLayer(TextDataLayer): @property diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py index e17a9daab07f..7cdf3240d937 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py @@ -1,7 +1,8 @@ -__all__ = ['LossAggregatorNM'] from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM from nemo.core import NeuralType +__all__ = ['LossAggregatorNM'] + class LossAggregatorNM(LossNM): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py index 19cac0e328ee..40d78c7ade59 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py @@ -1,10 +1,11 @@ -__all__ = ['JointIntentSlotLoss'] import torch from torch import nn from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['JointIntentSlotLoss'] + class JointIntentSlotLoss(LossNM): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py index c1eb1c5469bc..95e5b4628a51 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ -__all__ = ['MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM'] from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM'] + class MaskedLanguageModelingLossNM(LossNM): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py index eaea04b0132f..619a1f651af0 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py @@ -1,9 +1,10 @@ -__all__ = ['PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM'] from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM'] + class PaddedSmoothedCrossEntropyLossNM(LossNM): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py index b950734bacda..2ecd78fb8e9d 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py @@ -1,9 +1,10 @@ -__all__ = ['QuestionAnsweringLoss'] from torch import nn from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['QuestionAnsweringLoss'] + class QuestionAnsweringLoss(LossNM): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py index 26ae41f5badb..5f9023f707e2 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py @@ -1,6 +1,7 @@ -__all__ = ['SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss'] import torch +__all__ = ['SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss'] + class SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss(torch.nn.Module): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py index fb147ab9170a..c9593ce3aa3c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py @@ -1,10 +1,11 @@ -__all__ = ['TokenClassificationLoss'] import torch from torch import nn from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['TokenClassificationLoss'] + class TokenClassificationLoss(LossNM): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py index bcb3cdaa61b5..267837d63b84 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py @@ -1,5 +1,4 @@ # Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -__all__ = ['BERT'] from typing import List, Optional from transformers import BERT_PRETRAINED_CONFIG_ARCHIVE_MAP, BERT_PRETRAINED_MODEL_ARCHIVE_MAP, BertConfig, BertModel @@ -8,6 +7,8 @@ from nemo.core.neural_modules import PretrainedModelInfo from nemo.core.neural_types import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['BERT'] + class BERT(TrainableNM): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py index 9d69279df125..dc6831e6eb5a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py @@ -1,10 +1,11 @@ -__all__ = ['SequenceClassifier'] from torch import nn as nn from nemo.backends.pytorch import MultiLayerPerceptron, TrainableNM from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import transformer_weights_init from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['SequenceClassifier'] + class SequenceClassifier(TrainableNM): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py index 96115eae1c0f..3c78eae72769 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py @@ -1,10 +1,11 @@ -__all__ = ['SequenceRegression'] from torch import nn as nn from nemo.backends.pytorch import MultiLayerPerceptron, TrainableNM from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import transformer_weights_init from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, RegressionTag, TimeTag +__all__ = ['SequenceRegression'] + class SequenceRegression(TrainableNM): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py index f3781490adbf..75c9bf388d53 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py @@ -1,10 +1,11 @@ -__all__ = ['BertTokenClassifier', 'TokenClassifier'] from torch import nn as nn from nemo.backends.pytorch import MultiLayerPerceptron, TrainableNM from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import gelu, transformer_weights_init from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['BertTokenClassifier', 'TokenClassifier'] + ACT2FN = {"gelu": gelu, "relu": nn.functional.relu} diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py index e706b1e78a67..b4c6cf893ae7 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py @@ -1,5 +1,3 @@ -__all__ = ['list2str', 'tensor2list', 'plot_confusion_matrix'] - import os import time @@ -9,6 +7,8 @@ from nemo import logging +__all__ = ['list2str', 'tensor2list', 'plot_confusion_matrix'] + def list2str(l): return ' '.join([str(x) for x in l]) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py index 47b848541f66..452f91301ea7 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py @@ -1,3 +1,11 @@ +import os +import re +import string + +import numpy as np + +from nemo import logging + __all__ = [ '_is_whitespace', 'mask_padded_tokens', @@ -12,14 +20,6 @@ 'calc_class_weights', ] -import os -import re -import string - -import numpy as np - -from nemo import logging - def _is_whitespace(c): if c == " " or c == "\t" or c == "\r" or c == "\n" or ord(c) == 0x202F: diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py index 1f9fecd1d65e..313cbab7f73b 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py @@ -1,7 +1,7 @@ -__all__ = ['_compute_softmax'] - import math +__all__ = ['_compute_softmax'] + def _compute_softmax(scores): """Compute softmax probability over raw logits.""" From 58715fea6691e5d6a6589ed8fd51c8e29c646ddd Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 16:09:20 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 090/138] Added license to all the files except examples. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py | 17 ++++++++++- .../nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py | 17 ++++++++++- .../nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py | 17 ++++++++++- .../callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py | 17 ++++++++++- .../punctuation_capitalization_callback.py | 17 ++++++++++- .../nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py | 30 +++++++++---------- .../callbacks/text_classification_callback.py | 17 ++++++++++- .../token_classification_callback.py | 17 ++++++++++- .../nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py | 1 + .../data/datasets/lm_transformer_dataset.py | 4 ++- .../datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py | 4 ++- .../datasets/token_classification_dataset.py | 1 + ...b_format_to_token_classification_format.py | 12 ++++---- .../collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_squad.py | 5 +++- .../nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py | 12 ++++---- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../machine_translation_datalayer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../text_classification_datalayer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../token_classification_datalayer.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py | 17 ++++++++++- .../common/sequence_classification_nm.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../common/sequence_regression_nm.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../common/token_classification_nm.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py | 16 ++++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py | 16 ++++++++++ .../collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py | 16 ++++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py | 16 ++++++++++ 49 files changed, 697 insertions(+), 36 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py index 5dbd77fb8bde..b3f49c5e33fb 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py @@ -1,4 +1,19 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import random import numpy as np diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py index 9a1d7c024904..e31f964a22da 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_bert_callback.py @@ -1,4 +1,19 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import numpy as np from nemo import logging diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py index 6cf5c3c68ead..344873c216d0 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/lm_transformer_callback.py @@ -1,4 +1,19 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import numpy as np from nemo import logging diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py index 6a567a6ece08..e0a885f3bf4c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/machine_translation_callback.py @@ -1,4 +1,19 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import numpy as np from nemo import logging diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py index 2e226ec047b4..dc76015d7363 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/punctuation_capitalization_callback.py @@ -1,4 +1,19 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import random import numpy as np diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py index b99cb0331c14..321999d902ba 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/qa_squad_callback.py @@ -1,18 +1,18 @@ -""" -Copyright (c) 2019, NVIDIA CORPORATION. All rights reserved. - -Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); -you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. -You may obtain a copy of the License at - - http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 - -Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software -distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, -WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. -See the License for the specific language governing permissions and -limitations under the License. -""" +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= from nemo import logging diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/text_classification_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/text_classification_callback.py index e4180f69c9fb..14b89d8e57e7 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/text_classification_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/text_classification_callback.py @@ -1,4 +1,19 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import random import numpy as np diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py index 51a86424ace4..0f4d3c545622 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/token_classification_callback.py @@ -1,4 +1,19 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import random import numpy as np diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py index d2661da72eac..f2851dd0cdce 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/datasets_utils.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import csv import glob import json diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py index b6436be00766..1ff975d25025 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_bert_dataset.py @@ -13,6 +13,7 @@ # See the License for the specific language governing permissions and # limitations under the License. # ============================================================================= + """Pytorch Dataset for training BERT.""" import array diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_transformer_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_transformer_dataset.py index cb68fef8f91e..e2a9717abf11 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_transformer_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/lm_transformer_dataset.py @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ +# ============================================================================= # Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); @@ -11,7 +12,8 @@ # WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. # See the License for the specific language governing permissions and # limitations under the License. -# ============================================================================== +# ============================================================================= + """Pytorch Dataset for training Neural Machine Translation.""" import glob import os diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py index 03b960c63fb8..75b34922eea6 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ +# ============================================================================= # Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); @@ -11,7 +12,8 @@ # WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. # See the License for the specific language governing permissions and # limitations under the License. -# ============================================================================== +# ============================================================================= + """Pytorch Dataset for training Neural Machine Translation.""" from collections import OrderedDict diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification_dataset.py index 5a62d98be03c..966fefd42498 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/token_classification_dataset.py @@ -13,6 +13,7 @@ # WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. # See the License for the specific language governing permissions and # limitations under the License. + """ Utility functions for Token Classification NLP tasks Some parts of this code were adapted from the HuggingFace library at diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py index 71897ecaef79..0e95f62aa186 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py @@ -1,16 +1,18 @@ -# Copyright (C) NVIDIA CORPORATION. All Rights Reserved. +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # -# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the “License”); +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. # You may obtain a copy of the License at # -# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 # # Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software -# distributed under the License is distributed on an “AS IS” BASIS, +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, # WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. # See the License for the specific language governing permissions and -# limitations under the License.**** +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= import argparse import os diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_squad.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_squad.py index 4601557ca736..037d1b3d3fbb 100755 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_squad.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_squad.py @@ -1,4 +1,6 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA CORPORATION. All rights reserved. +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. # You may obtain a copy of the License at @@ -10,6 +12,7 @@ # WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. # See the License for the specific language governing permissions and # limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= import argparse import os diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py index a3eb21081802..0da3137e54ee 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py @@ -1,16 +1,18 @@ -# Copyright (C) NVIDIA CORPORATION. All Rights Reserved. +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # -# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the “License”); +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. # You may obtain a copy of the License at # -# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 # # Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software -# distributed under the License is distributed on an “AS IS” BASIS, +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, # WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. # See the License for the specific language governing permissions and -# limitations under the License.**** +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= import argparse import logging diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py index 3d051d79d8c6..abb6e27dfd06 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/bert_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import re from transformers import BertTokenizer diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py index 3b4c233c8c5b..f2d525a5d6e5 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/char_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec __all__ = ['CharTokenizer'] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py index 66920ed3ea77..40a75d997f33 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + """ Code from https://github.com/NVIDIA/DeepLearningExamples/blob/ master/PyTorch/Translation/Transformer/fairseq/tokenizer.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py index 9930755e017f..dfa2bd6e1c02 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/gpt2_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from transformers import GPT2Tokenizer from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py index d69b5417d08b..0cc7e9b62cf2 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/sentencepiece_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import sentencepiece as spm from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py index 3944743e7eb1..c9035933ca6c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/tokenizer_spec.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from abc import ABC, abstractmethod from typing import List diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py index 93d5b61f2364..0d037f981dc6 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/word_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec __all__ = ['WordTokenizer'] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py index 153cb993e23f..ffc62be9ff28 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/youtokentome_tokenizer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import youtokentome as yttm from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.tokenizer_spec import TokenizerSpec diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py index a5090cc8f046..3afc1ca32d9c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/glue_benchmark_datalayer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data import GLUEDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, CategoricalTag, NeuralType, RegressionTag, TimeTag diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py index 722f4a5b185a..e3f79b966c66 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/joint_intent_slot_datalayer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertJointIntentSlotDataset, BertJointIntentSlotInferDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py index e2bcdecbaa88..218ae5cb42bc 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_bert_datalayer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import os import random diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py index e51943605316..c251d8b0b8b2 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data import LanguageModelingDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py index 9358cc0696bc..31fbe719672c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/machine_translation_datalayer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import torch from torch.utils import data as pt_data diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py index 9d14f8262893..8d9c60ae3d71 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/punctuation_capitalization_datalayer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertPunctuationCapitalizationDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py index fe8f4dce505f..a91daaf9f38f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/qa_squad_datalayer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data import SquadDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py index e8f46b611e14..db2bced03386 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_classification_datalayer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertTextClassificationDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py index 1f4f43b0fa02..45a746a7bd5c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/text_datalayer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.backends.pytorch import DataLayerNM from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py index 3e5ba73fc5f7..d6ff1568d841 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/token_classification_datalayer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data import BertTokenClassificationDataset, BertTokenClassificationInferDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, NeuralType, TimeTag diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py index 7cdf3240d937..64f533e2d104 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/aggregator_loss.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM from nemo.core import NeuralType diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py index 40d78c7ade59..a594dc34dc08 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import torch from torch import nn diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py index 95e5b4628a51..8c30007cb103 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/masked_language_modeling_loss.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss from nemo.core import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py index 619a1f651af0..020133ac81cf 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss from nemo.collections.nlp.utils.common_nlp_utils import mask_padded_tokens diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py index 2ecd78fb8e9d..1b5760ce37f9 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/qa_squad_loss.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from torch import nn from nemo.backends.pytorch import LossNM diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py index 5f9023f707e2..b28e63e54059 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import torch __all__ = ['SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss'] diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py index c9593ce3aa3c..b912a0cd814d 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/token_classification_loss.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import torch from torch import nn diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py index 267837d63b84..7db7e7cd65cc 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/bert_nm.py @@ -1,4 +1,19 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from typing import List, Optional from transformers import BERT_PRETRAINED_CONFIG_ARCHIVE_MAP, BERT_PRETRAINED_MODEL_ARCHIVE_MAP, BertConfig, BertModel diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py index dc6831e6eb5a..7e0c81c65388 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_classification_nm.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from torch import nn as nn from nemo.backends.pytorch import MultiLayerPerceptron, TrainableNM diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py index 3c78eae72769..1032a1f2c43d 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/sequence_regression_nm.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from torch import nn as nn from nemo.backends.pytorch import MultiLayerPerceptron, TrainableNM diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py index 75c9bf388d53..ba848f247eb3 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/token_classification_nm.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from torch import nn as nn from nemo.backends.pytorch import MultiLayerPerceptron, TrainableNM diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py index da7011a3b206..b8707646f746 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/joint_intent_slot_nm.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from torch import nn as nn from nemo.backends.pytorch import MultiLayerPerceptron, TrainableNM diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py index b4c6cf893ae7..a3da1106d5c9 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/callback_utils.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import os import time diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py index 452f91301ea7..47634ae71e83 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/common_nlp_utils.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import os import re import string diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py index 313cbab7f73b..f491f7d43fa6 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/utils/loss_utils.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import math __all__ = ['_compute_softmax'] From a92ea9cb4f054dcb8680f51be6a25e3fa9304878 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 16:20:07 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 091/138] Added license to all examples. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py | 17 ++++++++++++++++- examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py | 17 +++++++++++++++-- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py | 18 +++++++++++++++++- examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py | 16 +++++++++++++++- .../nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ examples/nlp/scripts/process_wiki_zh.py | 3 ++- examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ examples/nlp/token_classification.py | 16 +++++++++++++++- examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py | 17 ++++++++++++++++- 13 files changed, 192 insertions(+), 8 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py b/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py index 01793027c473..6575fe7058af 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py +++ b/examples/nlp/asr_postprocessor.py @@ -1,4 +1,19 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import math import os diff --git a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py index 7f835f22b282..c4bda76e5ca3 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py +++ b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py @@ -1,5 +1,18 @@ -#!/usr/bin/env python3 -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= """ diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py index 21c87cc3cb29..7194675ecbde 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import argparse import os diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py index da8062db5baf..fd38bf9195d3 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import argparse import numpy as np diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py index cc3442df0f57..9ca63115f05a 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import argparse import math import os diff --git a/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py b/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py index 7c47ab70a163..5ca3cc4a3ca5 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py +++ b/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py @@ -1,4 +1,20 @@ -""" Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + +""" See the tutorial and download the data here: https://nvidia.github.io/NeMo/nlp/ neural-machine-translation.html#translation-with-pretrained-model diff --git a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py index c93f2ee83c01..5343401d6b3e 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py +++ b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization.py @@ -1,4 +1,18 @@ -# pylint: disable=invalid-name +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= import argparse import json diff --git a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py index 4759ce189dc9..a6ee5dab498d 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import argparse import os diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/process_wiki_zh.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/process_wiki_zh.py index 3900fcbce997..58d944a5c727 100755 --- a/examples/nlp/scripts/process_wiki_zh.py +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/process_wiki_zh.py @@ -1,6 +1,7 @@ #!/usr/bin/env python + # ============================================================================= -# Copyright 2019 NVIDIA Corporation. All Rights Reserved. +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. diff --git a/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py index 0855c2226ba9..da119da890d6 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import argparse import math diff --git a/examples/nlp/token_classification.py b/examples/nlp/token_classification.py index f9d32b05ed24..42a141c471f0 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/token_classification.py +++ b/examples/nlp/token_classification.py @@ -1,4 +1,18 @@ -# pylint: disable=invalid-name +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= import argparse import json diff --git a/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py b/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py index c46c85b2488f..df802ffa797f 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/token_classification_infer.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import argparse import os diff --git a/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py b/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py index 2c39c116a098..0dd9d84cf595 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py +++ b/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py @@ -1,4 +1,19 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import math import nemo From 22de233b22372cd60ceefc88397140d93d5a7463 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 17:21:10 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 092/138] Fixed style. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_decoders.py | 4 ++-- .../nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_encoders.py | 4 ++-- .../nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_modules.py | 4 +++- .../nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_nm.py | 3 ++- 4 files changed, 9 insertions(+), 6 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_decoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_decoders.py index 5c08725dd77f..1f3cbf0e4f44 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_decoders.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_decoders.py @@ -1,5 +1,3 @@ -__all__ = [] - import copy import torch @@ -11,6 +9,8 @@ ) from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import form_attention_mask +__all__ = [] + class TransformerDecoderBlock(nn.Module): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_encoders.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_encoders.py index 7cc0f774dc20..24c6afce55ad 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_encoders.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_encoders.py @@ -1,5 +1,3 @@ -__all__ = [] - import copy import torch @@ -12,6 +10,8 @@ ) from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import form_attention_mask +__all__ = [] + class TransformerEncoderBlock(nn.Module): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_modules.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_modules.py index 61c87b7ca788..153843e1aad0 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_modules.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_modules.py @@ -22,7 +22,6 @@ http://nlp.seas.harvard.edu/2018/04/03/attention.html Copyright by the HuggingFace and Annotated Transformer authors. """ -__all__ = [] import math @@ -32,6 +31,9 @@ from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import gelu +__all__ = [] + + try: from apex.normalization import FusedLayerNorm except (AttributeError, ModuleNotFoundError): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_nm.py index a7a052f17d10..1459b443f40a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/transformer_nm.py @@ -2,7 +2,6 @@ """ This package contains Transformer for translation Neural Module """ -__all__ = ['TransformerEncoderNM', 'TransformerDecoderNM', 'GreedyLanguageGeneratorNM', 'BeamSearchTranslatorNM'] import math @@ -17,6 +16,8 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_utils import transformer_weights_init from nemo.core.neural_types import * +__all__ = ['TransformerEncoderNM', 'TransformerDecoderNM', 'GreedyLanguageGeneratorNM', 'BeamSearchTranslatorNM'] + class TransformerEncoderNM(TrainableNM): """ From 85909492150f9e1d57aaa33e0123671c2eb6365c Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 17:25:17 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 093/138] Fixed style. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py | 1 + nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py | 4 +++- nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py | 14 ++++++++------ 3 files changed, 12 insertions(+), 7 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py index 40a75d997f33..be654de9421a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/fairseq_tokenizer.py @@ -18,6 +18,7 @@ https://github.com/NVIDIA/DeepLearningExamples/blob/ master/PyTorch/Translation/Transformer/fairseq/tokenizer.py """ + import re import sys import unicodedata diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py index 543155500700..bab9c5f4c0f6 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/bleu.py @@ -18,10 +18,12 @@ Chin-Yew Lin, Franz Josef Och. ORANGE: a method for evaluating automatic evaluation metrics for machine translation. COLING 2004. """ -__all__ = ['compute_bleu'] + import collections import math +__all__ = ['compute_bleu'] + def _get_ngrams(segment, max_order): """Extracts all n-grams upto a given maximum order from an input segment. diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py index 95cca9a7654e..e5f0af1e2517 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/squad_metrics.py @@ -15,6 +15,14 @@ See the License for the specific language governing permissions and limitations under the License. """ + +import collections + +from transformers.tokenization_bert import BasicTokenizer + +from nemo import logging +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import get_tokens, normalize_answer + __all__ = [ 'f1_score', 'exact_match_score', @@ -27,12 +35,6 @@ '_get_best_indexes', 'get_final_text', ] -import collections - -from transformers.tokenization_bert import BasicTokenizer - -from nemo import logging -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import get_tokens, normalize_answer def _get_best_indexes(logits, n_best_size): From 3bb2035aca3c9b64847c861c537ba52495b85227 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 17:45:24 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 094/138] Updated examples names. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nlp/{glue_with_BERT.py => glue_benchmark_with_bert.py} | 4 ++-- .../{transformer_lm.py => language_modeling_transformer.py} | 0 .../{nmt_tutorial.py => machine_translation_tutorial.py} | 0 examples/nlp/{squad.py => question_answering_squad.py} | 6 ++++-- 4 files changed, 6 insertions(+), 4 deletions(-) rename examples/nlp/{glue_with_BERT.py => glue_benchmark_with_bert.py} (99%) rename examples/nlp/{transformer_lm.py => language_modeling_transformer.py} (100%) rename examples/nlp/{nmt_tutorial.py => machine_translation_tutorial.py} (100%) rename examples/nlp/{squad.py => question_answering_squad.py} (99%) diff --git a/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py b/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py similarity index 99% rename from examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py rename to examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py index 757004e64991..7177b9ef314b 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/glue_with_BERT.py +++ b/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py @@ -24,14 +24,14 @@ https://gist.github.com/W4ngatang/60c2bdb54d156a41194446737ce03e2e To run this example on 1 GPU: -python glue_with_BERT.py \ +python glue_benchmark_with_bert.py \ --data_dir /path_to_data_dir/MRPC \ --task_name mrpc \ --work_dir /path_to_output_folder \ To run this example on 4 GPUs with mixed precision: python -m torch.distributed.launch \ ---nproc_per_node=4 glue_with_BERT.py \ +--nproc_per_node=4 glue_benchmark_with_bert.py \ --data_dir=/path_to_data/MNLI \ --task_name mnli \ --work_dir /path_to_output_folder \ diff --git a/examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py b/examples/nlp/language_modeling_transformer.py similarity index 100% rename from examples/nlp/transformer_lm.py rename to examples/nlp/language_modeling_transformer.py diff --git a/examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py b/examples/nlp/machine_translation_tutorial.py similarity index 100% rename from examples/nlp/nmt_tutorial.py rename to examples/nlp/machine_translation_tutorial.py diff --git a/examples/nlp/squad.py b/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py similarity index 99% rename from examples/nlp/squad.py rename to examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py index 24b0baf7d0c1..0b5d9e0a2c06 100755 --- a/examples/nlp/squad.py +++ b/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py @@ -16,12 +16,14 @@ Some transformer of this code were adapted from the HuggingFace library at https://github.com/huggingface/transformers +""" +""" Download the Squad data by running the script: examples/nlp/scripts/get_squad.py To finetune Squad v1.1 on pretrained BERT large uncased on 1 GPU: -python squad.py +python question_answering_squad.py --data_dir /path_to_data_dir/squad/v1.1 --work_dir /path_to_output_folder --bert_checkpoint /path_to_bert_checkpoint @@ -39,7 +41,7 @@ Huggingface pretrained checkpoints. To finetune Squad v1.1 on pretrained BERT large uncased on 8 GPU: -python -m torch.distributed.launch --nproc_per_node=8 squad.py +python -m torch.distributed.launch --nproc_per_node=8 question_answering_squad.py --amp_opt_level "O1" --data_dir /path_to_data_dir/squad/v1.1 --bert_checkpoint /path_to_bert_checkpoint From 30b7d44937271da7377cbc4e15fbe92438ab5121 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2020 17:56:39 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 095/138] Added licenses to init files. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py | 3 ++- nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ .../datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py | 1 + nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py | 15 +++++++++++++++ .../collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ .../nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ .../trainables/common/huggingface/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ .../trainables/common/transformer/__init__.py | 17 ++++++++++++++++- .../nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/__init__.py | 16 ++++++++++++++++ 16 files changed, 226 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py index 5035e5ea4dd6..06f6cd875da6 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/__init__.py @@ -1,4 +1,5 @@ -# Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py index 7eb1261f041a..ada8ad45abe2 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.glue_benchmark_callback import * from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.joint_intent_slot_callback import * from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.lm_bert_callback import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py index 3124dd252b91..017db3d1c50a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import * from nemo.collections.nlp.data.scripts import * from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py index caa76e35b844..f0eafa0d62f1 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.glue_benchmark_dataset import GLUEDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.joint_intent_slot_dataset import ( BertJointIntentSlotDataset, diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py index 75b34922eea6..0b8b049840ca 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/machine_translation_dataset.py @@ -15,6 +15,7 @@ # ============================================================================= """Pytorch Dataset for training Neural Machine Translation.""" + from collections import OrderedDict import numpy as np diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py index e69de29bb2d1..517339b6096c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py index 120477624e84..4affa23c5655 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/tokenizers/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.bert_tokenizer import NemoBertTokenizer from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.char_tokenizer import CharTokenizer from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers.gpt2_tokenizer import NemoGPT2Tokenizer diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py index 4ea6c671bf34..4b9cfe094485 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/metrics/__init__.py @@ -1 +1,17 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.metrics.bleu import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py index e12f24871099..a9b6c8b539de 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.nontrainables diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py index efc29b84ae91..897974506fae 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.glue_benchmark_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.joint_intent_slot_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.lm_bert_datalayer import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py index 6ddaefa20d79..76e04131232f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.aggregator_loss import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.joint_intent_slot_loss import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.masked_language_modeling_loss import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py index 38012dc93e14..7114bdda312f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py @@ -1,2 +1,18 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py index 42c48ed7daa8..57f80bcbcae1 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/__init__.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_classification_nm import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.sequence_regression_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/__init__.py index 4ff99a3709d7..48c9a2228ee8 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/huggingface/__init__.py @@ -1 +1,17 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.bert_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/__init__.py index 0fac547c86b2..4e0a87804d4d 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/common/transformer/__init__.py @@ -1,2 +1,17 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.transformer.transformer_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/__init__.py index 484aa4350420..600a32ece82d 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/joint_intent_slot/__init__.py @@ -1 +1,17 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot.joint_intent_slot_nm import * From 7a66bec9be9a0c5fe379f19ad9c4c0800325397e Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 10:44:08 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 096/138] tested examples Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb | 9 ++++++++- examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py | 6 +++--- examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py | 2 +- 3 files changed, 12 insertions(+), 5 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb b/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb index bfbc68c39b43..35b4b217cfbf 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb +++ b/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb @@ -283,6 +283,13 @@ " \"grad_norm_clip\": None\n", " })" ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": null, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [] } ], "metadata": { @@ -301,7 +308,7 @@ "name": "python", "nbconvert_exporter": "python", "pygments_lexer": "ipython3", - "version": "3.7.5" + "version": "3.7.6" } }, "nbformat": 4, diff --git a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py index c4bda76e5ca3..6b0453d38072 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py +++ b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py @@ -75,11 +75,11 @@ import math import os -from pytorch_transformers import BertConfig - +from transformers import BertConfig +import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp from nemo import logging -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import BERTPretrainingDataDesc +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.lm_bert_dataset import BERTPretrainingDataDesc from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='BERT pretraining') diff --git a/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py b/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py index 0b5d9e0a2c06..dc126bad5483 100755 --- a/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py +++ b/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py @@ -63,7 +63,7 @@ import argparse import json import os - +import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.qa_squad_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback From ba24d5ab64206a4dde9781ce9b6c6f52f07dd0e9 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 10:45:47 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 097/138] fix black style Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py | 1 + examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py | 1 + 2 files changed, 2 insertions(+) diff --git a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py index 6b0453d38072..f5b880ed9f2f 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py +++ b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py @@ -76,6 +76,7 @@ import os from transformers import BertConfig + import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp from nemo import logging diff --git a/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py b/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py index dc126bad5483..f0d48a19ab72 100755 --- a/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py +++ b/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py @@ -63,6 +63,7 @@ import argparse import json import os + import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp from nemo import logging From 8857fc59af0bb03f4a2b1a6114b50133015557c4 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 11:25:18 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 098/138] updating jenkins after script renaming Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- Jenkinsfile | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/Jenkinsfile b/Jenkinsfile index c43f67d59ca5..d0d2b0eaa5b1 100644 --- a/Jenkinsfile +++ b/Jenkinsfile @@ -60,7 +60,7 @@ pipeline { } stage ('NMT test') { steps { - sh 'cd examples/nlp && CUDA_VISIBLE_DEVICES=0 python nmt_tutorial.py' + sh 'cd examples/nlp && CUDA_VISIBLE_DEVICES=0 python machine_translation_tutorial.py' } } } From c5a441f180f49286b6bf3ce5f3e21c57df5e1394 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 13:14:28 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 099/138] updating changelog Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- CHANGELOG.md | 4 ++++ 1 file changed, 4 insertions(+) diff --git a/CHANGELOG.md b/CHANGELOG.md index a6580dfbf64e..8ad5a0400fe1 100644 --- a/CHANGELOG.md +++ b/CHANGELOG.md @@ -80,6 +80,10 @@ To release a new version, please update the changelog as followed: ([PR #284](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/pull/284)) - @stasbel - NeMo is not longer using pep8 code style rules. Code style rules are now enforced with `isort` and `black` incorporated into CI checks. ([PR #286](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/pull/286)) - @stasbel +- Refactoring of `nemo_nlp` collections: +([PR #316](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/pull/316)) - @VahidooX, @yzhang123, @ekmb + - renaming of files and restructuring of folder in `nemo_nlp` + - Updated licenses ### Dependencies Update From 03e02cdff4dd2d30037faac2e44a6b4e8f3a018c Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Evelina Bakhturina Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 14:13:28 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 100/138] import fixed Signed-off-by: Evelina Bakhturina --- examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py | 1 + 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+) diff --git a/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py index 7177b9ef314b..e9ff3b5b41ab 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py @@ -64,6 +64,7 @@ import json import os +import nemo from nemo import logging from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import CrossEntropyLoss, MSELoss from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.glue_benchmark_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback From 0d204d6f3c34efa43e73c530eac7447a30705223 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 14:14:58 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 101/138] Moved scripts. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- ...t_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py | 0 .../data => examples/nlp}/scripts/get_squad.py | 0 .../data => examples/nlp}/scripts/get_tatoeba.py | 0 nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py | 15 --------------- tests/nlp/test_squad.py | 2 +- 5 files changed, 1 insertion(+), 16 deletions(-) rename {nemo/collections/nlp/data => examples/nlp}/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py (100%) rename {nemo/collections/nlp/data => examples/nlp}/scripts/get_squad.py (100%) rename {nemo/collections/nlp/data => examples/nlp}/scripts/get_tatoeba.py (100%) delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py rename to examples/nlp/scripts/convert_iob_format_to_token_classification_format.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_squad.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/get_squad.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_squad.py rename to examples/nlp/scripts/get_squad.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/get_tatoeba.py similarity index 100% rename from nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/get_tatoeba.py rename to examples/nlp/scripts/get_tatoeba.py diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py deleted file mode 100644 index 517339b6096c..000000000000 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/scripts/__init__.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,15 +0,0 @@ -# ============================================================================= -# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. -# -# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); -# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. -# You may obtain a copy of the License at -# -# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 -# -# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software -# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, -# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. -# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and -# limitations under the License. -# ============================================================================= diff --git a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py index 283adddd41ed..f4bc11bdae52 100644 --- a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py +++ b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py @@ -25,7 +25,7 @@ import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.qa_squad_datalayer import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.qa_squad_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.scripts.get_squad import SquadDownloader +from examples.nlp.scripts.get_squad import SquadDownloader from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy from tests.common_setup import NeMoUnitTest From 9356e59ae601b6afe81910103e8a00bea6099b37 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 14:22:59 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 102/138] Fixed import. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py | 1 - 1 file changed, 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py index 017db3d1c50a..87a10d8803c8 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/__init__.py @@ -15,5 +15,4 @@ # ============================================================================= from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import * -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.scripts import * from nemo.collections.nlp.data.tokenizers import * From 2cf27b8d0163a2a583c3766a052003086291f75c Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 15:28:53 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 103/138] tested examples scripts Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb | 2 +- examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py | 5 +++-- examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py | 1 + tests/nlp/test_squad.py | 3 ++- 4 files changed, 7 insertions(+), 4 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb b/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb index bfbc68c39b43..dc3474c084a7 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb +++ b/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb @@ -301,7 +301,7 @@ "name": "python", "nbconvert_exporter": "python", "pygments_lexer": "ipython3", - "version": "3.7.5" + "version": "3.7.6" } }, "nbformat": 4, diff --git a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py index c4bda76e5ca3..f5b880ed9f2f 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py +++ b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py @@ -75,11 +75,12 @@ import math import os -from pytorch_transformers import BertConfig +from transformers import BertConfig +import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp from nemo import logging -from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import BERTPretrainingDataDesc +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.lm_bert_dataset import BERTPretrainingDataDesc from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='BERT pretraining') diff --git a/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py b/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py index 0b5d9e0a2c06..f0d48a19ab72 100755 --- a/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py +++ b/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py @@ -64,6 +64,7 @@ import json import os +import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.qa_squad_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback diff --git a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py index f4bc11bdae52..a2b703b30870 100644 --- a/tests/nlp/test_squad.py +++ b/tests/nlp/test_squad.py @@ -20,12 +20,13 @@ import os import shutil +from examples.nlp.scripts.get_squad import SquadDownloader + import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.qa_squad_datalayer import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.token_classification_nm from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.qa_squad_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback -from examples.nlp.scripts.get_squad import SquadDownloader from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy from tests.common_setup import NeMoUnitTest From 1afe049b6936411a2596e5b2e8844c40da484ac6 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Yang Zhang Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 15:29:58 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 104/138] update jenkins Signed-off-by: Yang Zhang --- Jenkinsfile | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/Jenkinsfile b/Jenkinsfile index c43f67d59ca5..d0d2b0eaa5b1 100644 --- a/Jenkinsfile +++ b/Jenkinsfile @@ -60,7 +60,7 @@ pipeline { } stage ('NMT test') { steps { - sh 'cd examples/nlp && CUDA_VISIBLE_DEVICES=0 python nmt_tutorial.py' + sh 'cd examples/nlp && CUDA_VISIBLE_DEVICES=0 python machine_translation_tutorial.py' } } } From 4e818467f2ed5dcb92af82b273b320d3953a600c Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Tomasz Kornuta Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 16:58:29 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 105/138] LGTM fixes Signed-off-by: Tomasz Kornuta --- examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py | 13 +++++----- examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py | 26 +++++++++---------- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py | 2 +- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py | 2 -- examples/nlp/language_modeling_transformer.py | 2 +- examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py | 2 +- .../data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py | 4 ++- 7 files changed, 25 insertions(+), 26 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py index f5b880ed9f2f..046814231296 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py +++ b/examples/nlp/bert_pretraining.py @@ -77,8 +77,9 @@ from transformers import BertConfig -import nemo +import nemo.backends.pytorch.common as nemo_common import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp +import nemo.core as nemo_core from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.lm_bert_dataset import BERTPretrainingDataDesc from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy @@ -138,8 +139,8 @@ parser.add_argument("--config_file", default=None, type=str, help="The BERT model config") args = parser.parse_args() -nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, +nf = nemo_core.NeuralModuleFactory( + backend=nemo_core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=args.work_dir, @@ -202,7 +203,7 @@ nsp_classifier = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.sequence_classification_nm.SequenceClassifier( args.hidden_size, num_classes=2, num_layers=2, activation='tanh', log_softmax=False ) - nsp_loss_fn = nemo.backends.pytorch.common.CrossEntropyLoss() + nsp_loss_fn = nemo_common.CrossEntropyLoss() bert_loss = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) @@ -273,7 +274,7 @@ def create_pipeline(data_file, batch_size, preprocessed_data=False, batches_per_ else: log_tensors = [train_loss] print_msg = "Loss: {:.3f}" -train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( +train_callback = nemo_core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=log_tensors, step_freq=args.print_step_freq, print_func=lambda x: logging.info(print_msg.format(*[y.item() for y in x])), @@ -281,7 +282,7 @@ def create_pipeline(data_file, batch_size, preprocessed_data=False, batches_per_ tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, ) -ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( +ckpt_callback = nemo_core.CheckpointCallback( folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, load_from_folder=args.load_dir, diff --git a/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py index 20e03f321876..f9f244c740da 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py @@ -64,7 +64,9 @@ import json import os -import nemo +import nemo.backends.pytorch.common as nemo_common +import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp +import nemo.core as nemo_core from nemo import logging from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import CrossEntropyLoss, MSELoss from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.glue_benchmark_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback @@ -177,8 +179,8 @@ output_mode = output_modes[args.task_name] # Instantiate neural factory with supported backend -nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, +nf = nemo_core.NeuralModuleFactory( + backend=nemo_core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=args.work_dir, @@ -193,9 +195,7 @@ nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.huggingface.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) - model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( - pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model - ) + model = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) else: """ Use this if you're using a BERT model that you pre-trained yourself. Replace BERT-STEP-150000.pt with the path to your checkpoint. @@ -210,11 +210,9 @@ if args.bert_config is not None: with open(args.bert_config) as json_file: config = json.load(json_file) - model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT(**config) + model = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT(**config) else: - model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( - pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model - ) + model = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT(pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model) model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) @@ -279,7 +277,7 @@ def create_pipeline( _, _, eval_data_layer, eval_tensors = create_pipeline(evaluate=True) callbacks_eval = [ - nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( + nemo_core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_tensors, user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback(x, y), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback(x, args.work_dir, eval_task_names[0]), @@ -295,7 +293,7 @@ def create_pipeline( if args.task_name == 'mnli': _, _, eval_data_layer_mm, eval_tensors_mm = create_pipeline(evaluate=True, processor=task_processors[1]) callbacks_eval.append( - nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( + nemo_core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_tensors_mm, user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback(x, y), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback(x, args.work_dir, eval_task_names[1]), @@ -305,7 +303,7 @@ def create_pipeline( ) logging.info(f"steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") -callback_train = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( +callback_train = nemo_core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=[train_loss], print_func=lambda x: print("Loss: {:.3f}".format(x[0].item())), get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]]], @@ -313,7 +311,7 @@ def create_pipeline( tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, ) -ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( +ckpt_callback = nemo_core.CheckpointCallback( folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq ) diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py index fd38bf9195d3..e0c70e35cbe4 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py @@ -46,7 +46,7 @@ nemo_nlp.BERT.list_pretrained_models() """ pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( - pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model ) tokenizer = BertTokenizer.from_pretrained(args.pretrained_bert_model) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py index 1a882f74eb8a..12fa2c70d41d 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py @@ -136,8 +136,6 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples=-1, batch_size=32, num_gpus=1, local_rank=0, mod num_samples=num_samples, shuffle=shuffle, batch_size=batch_size, - num_workers=0, - local_rank=local_rank, ignore_extra_tokens=args.ignore_extra_tokens, ignore_start_end=args.ignore_start_end, ) diff --git a/examples/nlp/language_modeling_transformer.py b/examples/nlp/language_modeling_transformer.py index 0dd9d84cf595..9d2b08be9080 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/language_modeling_transformer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/language_modeling_transformer.py @@ -121,7 +121,7 @@ def create_pipeline( dataset, max_seq_length=args.max_seq_length, batch_step=args.max_seq_length, batch_size=args.batch_size ): data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.lm_transformer_datalayer.LanguageModelingDataLayer( - dataset, tokenizer, max_seq_length, batch_step, batch_size=batch_size + dataset, tokenizer, max_seq_length, batch_size, batch_step ) src, src_mask, labels = data_layer() src_hiddens = encoder(input_ids=src, input_mask_src=src_mask) diff --git a/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py index 797343e5e83c..4dd8535e2347 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/text_classification_with_bert.py @@ -87,7 +87,7 @@ pretrained_bert_model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) else: pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( - pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model ) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.hidden_size diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py index 15660c0ce6d1..11d1ddcb4d25 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/lm_transformer_datalayer.py @@ -60,7 +60,9 @@ def output_ports(self): "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), } - def __init__(self, dataset, tokenizer, max_seq_length, batch_step=128, dataset_type=LanguageModelingDataset): + def __init__( + self, dataset, tokenizer, max_seq_length, batch_size, batch_step=128, dataset_type=LanguageModelingDataset + ): dataset_params = { 'dataset': dataset, 'tokenizer': tokenizer, From cb1188217f724ed9b5f6608d663a0a351ba94ea6 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Tomasz Kornuta Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 17:02:21 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 106/138] removed invalid argument in ipynb Signed-off-by: Tomasz Kornuta --- examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb | 4 ++-- 1 file changed, 2 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb b/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb index 0bdda50d1ed4..f33887452dbc 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb +++ b/examples/nlp/BERTPretrainingTutorial.ipynb @@ -173,8 +173,8 @@ " dataset=os.path.join(\"data/lm/wikitext-2\", \"train.txt\"),\n", " max_seq_length=MAX_SEQ_LENGTH,\n", " mask_probability=MASK_PROBABILITY,\n", - " batch_size=BATCH_SIZE,\n", - " factory=neural_factory)\n", + " batch_size=BATCH_SIZE\n", + ")\n", "\n", "eval_data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.BertPretrainingDataLayer(\n", " tokenizer=tokenizer,\n", From 4a9343de91c3c08a4c417c8cdebc85cd83818c4e Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Tomasz Kornuta Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 17:16:23 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 107/138] removed unused import Signed-off-by: Tomasz Kornuta --- examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py | 1 - 1 file changed, 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py index f9f244c740da..093bcf5e6298 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/glue_benchmark_with_bert.py @@ -64,7 +64,6 @@ import json import os -import nemo.backends.pytorch.common as nemo_common import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp import nemo.core as nemo_core from nemo import logging From 4a159b4d7efacd80384955b15fb3407d0789efdc Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Tomasz Kornuta Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 17:24:20 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 108/138] removed empty nontrainables, as agreed during the meeting, if there are no modules, there will be no folder Signed-off-by: Tomasz Kornuta --- nemo/collections/nlp/nm/nontrainables/.gitignore | 0 1 file changed, 0 insertions(+), 0 deletions(-) delete mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/nontrainables/.gitignore diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/nontrainables/.gitignore b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/nontrainables/.gitignore deleted file mode 100644 index e69de29bb2d1..000000000000 From ecfd2cdb8a65c38b6991053c4f436747e54de28d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Tomasz Kornuta Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 17:43:49 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 109/138] removed nontrainables reference Signed-off-by: Tomasz Kornuta --- nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py | 1 - 1 file changed, 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py index a9b6c8b539de..88ccabb8a58a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/__init__.py @@ -16,5 +16,4 @@ import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses -import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.nontrainables import nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables From face9746409c087de5641790e26c7e8dcf6537ca Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Tomasz Kornuta Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 18:15:18 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 110/138] nemo_core - lgtm import fix Signed-off-by: Tomasz Kornuta --- examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py | 12 ++++++------ 1 file changed, 6 insertions(+), 6 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py b/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py index b93912f25d36..44b737d57cab 100755 --- a/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py +++ b/examples/nlp/question_answering_squad.py @@ -64,8 +64,8 @@ import json import os -import nemo import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp +import nemo.core as nemo_core from nemo import logging from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.qa_squad_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy @@ -257,8 +257,8 @@ def create_pipeline( args.work_dir = f'{args.work_dir}/squad2.0' # Instantiate neural factory with supported backend - nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, + nf = nemo_core.NeuralModuleFactory( + backend=nemo_core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=args.work_dir, @@ -333,7 +333,7 @@ def create_pipeline( if not args.evaluation_only: logging.info(f"steps_per_epoch = {train_steps_per_epoch}") - callback_train = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( + callback_train = nemo_core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=[train_loss], print_func=lambda x: print("Loss: {:.3f}".format(x[0].item())), get_tb_values=lambda x: [["loss", x[0]]], @@ -341,10 +341,10 @@ def create_pipeline( tb_writer=nf.tb_writer, ) - ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( + ckpt_callback = nemo_core.CheckpointCallback( folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq ) - callbacks_eval = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( + callbacks_eval = nemo_core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=eval_output, user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback(x, y), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback( From e59fcdb6efd2d8fac4190354e9a5a04242ed2c62 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Tomasz Kornuta Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 18:24:32 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 111/138] removed references to local_params - n-th time:] Signed-off-by: Tomasz Kornuta --- examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py | 2 +- examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py | 2 +- .../nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py | 2 +- 3 files changed, 3 insertions(+), 3 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py index e0c70e35cbe4..ca32a5aaa45b 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_infer_b1.py @@ -49,7 +49,7 @@ pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model ) tokenizer = BertTokenizer.from_pretrained(args.pretrained_bert_model) -hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] +hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.hidden_size data_desc = JointIntentSlotDataDesc(args.data_dir, args.do_lower_case, args.dataset_name) diff --git a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py index a6ee5dab498d..6acf37774901 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py +++ b/examples/nlp/punctuation_capitalization_infer.py @@ -94,7 +94,7 @@ pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model ) -hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.local_parameters["hidden_size"] +hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.hidden_size tokenizer = NemoBertTokenizer(args.pretrained_bert_model) data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.token_classification_datalayer.BertTokenClassificationInferDataLayer( diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py index 9dc3e2166819..0ad66e21106d 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss.py @@ -69,7 +69,7 @@ def __init__(self, pad_id, label_smoothing=0, predict_last_k=0): LossNM.__init__(self) self._loss_fn = SmoothedCrossEntropyLoss(label_smoothing, predict_last_k) - self._pad_id = self.local_parameters['pad_id'] + self._pad_id = pad_id def _loss_function(self, logits, target_ids): target_mask = mask_padded_tokens(target_ids, self._pad_id).to(logits.dtype) From 720f5c57316ff36ded03477a7a90d3c92149d7c9 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Tomasz Kornuta Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 18:30:46 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 112/138] Cleanups related to removing factory from BERT init calls Signed-off-by: Tomasz Kornuta --- examples/asr/notebooks/2_Online_ASR_Microphone_Demo.ipynb | 1 - examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py | 4 ++-- examples/tts/tacotron2.py | 2 +- 3 files changed, 3 insertions(+), 4 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/asr/notebooks/2_Online_ASR_Microphone_Demo.ipynb b/examples/asr/notebooks/2_Online_ASR_Microphone_Demo.ipynb index 4a842b3a4365..0a4a5842f0b8 100644 --- a/examples/asr/notebooks/2_Online_ASR_Microphone_Demo.ipynb +++ b/examples/asr/notebooks/2_Online_ASR_Microphone_Demo.ipynb @@ -173,7 +173,6 @@ "data_layer = AudioDataLayer()\n", "\n", "data_preprocessor = nemo_asr.AudioToMelSpectrogramPreprocessor(\n", - " factory=neural_factory,\n", " **model_definition['AudioToMelSpectrogramPreprocessor'])\n", "\n", "jasper_encoder = nemo_asr.JasperEncoder(\n", diff --git a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py index 12fa2c70d41d..f700a21f7943 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py +++ b/examples/nlp/joint_intent_slot_with_bert.py @@ -88,12 +88,12 @@ """ if args.bert_checkpoint and args.bert_config: pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( - config_filename=args.bert_config, factory=nf + config_filename=args.bert_config ) pretrained_bert_model.restore_from(args.bert_checkpoint) else: pretrained_bert_model = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common.huggingface.BERT( - pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model, factory=nf + pretrained_model_name=args.pretrained_bert_model ) hidden_size = pretrained_bert_model.hidden_size diff --git a/examples/tts/tacotron2.py b/examples/tts/tacotron2.py index 2980ddf3e701..332da22e0be5 100644 --- a/examples/tts/tacotron2.py +++ b/examples/tts/tacotron2.py @@ -164,7 +164,7 @@ def create_train_dag( # Callbacks needed to print info to console and Tensorboard train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( - tensors=[loss_t, spec_target, mel_postnet, gate, gate_target, alignments,], + tensors=[loss_t, spec_target, mel_postnet, gate, gate_target, alignments], print_func=lambda x: nemo.logging.info(f"Loss: {x[0].data}"), log_to_tb_func=partial(tacotron2_log_to_tb_func, log_images=True, log_images_freq=log_freq), tb_writer=neural_factory.tb_writer, From fa98235e76b8e84f67f8758c2e8751e9972e9420 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 19:29:36 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 113/138] Initial merge. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py | 127 ------ collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/nlp.py | 82 ---- ...DE.py => dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py} | 15 +- nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 66 ++- .../state_tracking_trade_callback.py | 19 +- .../datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py | 388 ++++++++++++++++++ .../nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py | 68 +++ .../dialogue_state_tracking/__init__.py | 0 .../state_tracking_trade_nm.py | 66 +-- 9 files changed, 546 insertions(+), 285 deletions(-) delete mode 100644 collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py delete mode 100644 collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/nlp.py rename examples/nlp/{dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py => dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py} (93%) rename collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py => nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py (80%) create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/__init__.py rename collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py => nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py (74%) diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py deleted file mode 100644 index 492c071af5c1..000000000000 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/data/datasets/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,127 +0,0 @@ -import json -import random - -from nemo_nlp.data.datasets.utils import fix_general_label_error_multiwoz -from torch.utils.data import Dataset - - -class MultiWOZDataset(Dataset): - """ - By default, use only vocab from training - Need to modify the code a little bit to use for all_vocab - """ - - def __init__(self, data_dir, mode, domains, all_domains, vocab, gating_dict, slots, num_samples=-1, shuffle=False): - - print(f'Processing {mode} data') - self.data_dir = data_dir - self.mode = mode - self.gating_dict = gating_dict - self.domains = domains - self.all_domains = all_domains - self.vocab = vocab - self.slots = slots - - self.features, self.max_len = self.get_features(num_samples, shuffle) - print("Sample 0: " + str(self.features[0])) - - def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): - - if num_samples == 0: - raise ValueError("num_samples has to be positive", num_samples) - - filename = f'{self.data_dir}/{self.mode}_dials.json' - print(f'Reading from {filename}') - dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) - - domain_count = {} - data = [] - max_resp_len, max_value_len = 0, 0 - - for dialog_dict in dialogs: - if num_samples > 0 and len(data) >= num_samples: - break - - dialog_history = "" - for domain in dialog_dict['domains']: - if domain not in self.domains: - continue - if domain not in domain_count: - domain_count[domain] = 0 - domain_count[domain] += 1 - - for turn in dialog_dict['dialogue']: - if num_samples > 0 and len(data) >= num_samples: - break - - turn_uttr = turn['system_transcript'] + ' ; ' + turn['transcript'] - turn_uttr_strip = turn_uttr.strip() - dialog_history += turn["system_transcript"] + " ; " + turn["transcript"] + " ; " - source_text = dialog_history.strip() - - turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error_multiwoz(turn['belief_state'], self.slots) - - turn_belief_list = [f'{k}-{v}' for k, v in turn_beliefs.items()] - - gating_label, responses = [], [] - for slot in self.slots: - if slot in turn_beliefs: - responses.append(str(turn_beliefs[slot])) - if turn_beliefs[slot] == "dontcare": - gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["dontcare"]) - elif turn_beliefs[slot] == "none": - gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["none"]) - else: - gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["ptr"]) - else: - responses.append("none") - gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["none"]) - - sample = { - 'ID': dialog_dict['dialogue_idx'], - 'domains': dialog_dict['domains'], - 'turn_domain': turn['domain'], - 'turn_id': turn['turn_idx'], - 'dialogue_history': source_text, - 'turn_belief': turn_belief_list, - 'gating_label': gating_label, - 'turn_uttr': turn_uttr_strip, - 'responses': responses, - } - - sample['context_ids'] = self.vocab.tokens2ids(sample['dialogue_history'].split()) - sample['responses_ids'] = [ - self.vocab.tokens2ids(y.split() + [self.vocab.eos]) for y in sample['responses'] - ] - sample['turn_domain'] = self.all_domains[sample['turn_domain']] - - data.append(sample) - - resp_len = len(sample['dialogue_history'].split()) - max_resp_len = max(max_resp_len, resp_len) - - print('Domain count', domain_count) - print('Max response length', max_resp_len) - print(f'Processing {len(data)} samples') - - if shuffle: - print(f'Shuffling samples.') - random.shuffle(data) - - return data, max_resp_len - - def __len__(self): - return len(self.features) - - def __getitem__(self, idx): - item = self.features[idx] - - return { - 'dialog_id': item['ID'], - 'turn_id': item['turn_id'], - 'turn_belief': item['turn_belief'], - 'gating_label': item['gating_label'], - 'context_ids': item['context_ids'], - 'turn_domain': item['turn_domain'], - 'responses_ids': item['responses_ids'], - } diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/nlp.py b/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/nlp.py deleted file mode 100644 index 1eb830f098ad..000000000000 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/nlp.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,82 +0,0 @@ -def normalize(text): - # lower case every word - text = text.lower() - - # replace white spaces in front and end - text = re.sub(r'^\s*|\s*$', '', text) - - # hotel domain pfb30 - text = re.sub(r"b&b", "bed and breakfast", text) - text = re.sub(r"b and b", "bed and breakfast", text) - - # normalize phone number - ms = re.findall('\(?(\d{3})\)?[-.\s]?(\d{3})[-.\s]?(\d{4,5})', text) - if ms: - sidx = 0 - for m in ms: - sidx = text.find(m[0], sidx) - if text[sidx - 1] == '(': - sidx -= 1 - eidx = text.find(m[-1], sidx) + len(m[-1]) - text = text.replace(text[sidx:eidx], ''.join(m)) - - # normalize postcode - ms = re.findall( - '([a-z]{1}[\. ]?[a-z]{1}[\. ]?\d{1,2}[, ]+\d{1}[\. ]?[a-z]{1}[\. ]?[a-z]{1}|[a-z]{2}\d{2}[a-z]{2})', text - ) - if ms: - sidx = 0 - for m in ms: - sidx = text.find(m, sidx) - eidx = sidx + len(m) - text = text[:sidx] + re.sub('[,\. ]', '', m) + text[eidx:] - - # weird unicode bug - text = re.sub(u"(\u2018|\u2019)", "'", text) - - # replace time and and price - text = re.sub(timepat, ' [value_time] ', text) - text = re.sub(pricepat, ' [value_price] ', text) - # text = re.sub(pricepat2, '[value_price]', text) - - # replace st. - text = text.replace(';', ',') - text = re.sub('$\/', '', text) - text = text.replace('/', ' and ') - - # replace other special characters - text = text.replace('-', ' ') - text = re.sub('[\":\<>@\(\)]', '', text) - - # insert white space before and after tokens: - for token in ['?', '.', ',', '!']: - text = insertSpace(token, text) - - # insert white space for 's - text = insertSpace('\'s', text) - - # replace it's, does't, you'd ... etc - text = re.sub('^\'', '', text) - text = re.sub('\'$', '', text) - text = re.sub('\'\s', ' ', text) - text = re.sub('\s\'', ' ', text) - for fromx, tox in replacements: - text = ' ' + text + ' ' - text = text.replace(fromx, tox)[1:-1] - - # remove multiple spaces - text = re.sub(' +', ' ', text) - - # concatenate numbers - tmp = text - tokens = text.split() - i = 1 - while i < len(tokens): - if re.match(u'^\d+$', tokens[i]) and re.match(u'\d+$', tokens[i - 1]): - tokens[i - 1] += tokens[i] - del tokens[i] - else: - i += 1 - text = ' '.join(tokens) - - return text diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py similarity index 93% rename from examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py rename to examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index 2133196fbf03..1233bab525a7 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_TRADE.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -7,13 +7,12 @@ import math import os -import nemo_nlp import numpy as np -from nemo_nlp.data.datasets.utils import MultiWOZDataDesc -from nemo_nlp.utils.callbacks.dialogue_state_tracking_trade import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback import nemo from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import EncoderRNN +from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.state_tracking_trade_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.state_tracking_trade_dataset import MultiWOZDataDesc from nemo.utils.lr_policies import get_lr_policy parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='Dialog state tracking with TRADE model on MultiWOZ dataset') @@ -70,7 +69,7 @@ vocab_size = len(data_desc.vocab) encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, args.emb_dim, args.hid_dim, args.dropout, args.n_layers) -decoder = nemo_nlp.TRADEGenerator( +decoder = nemo.collections.nlp.TRADEGenerator( data_desc.vocab, encoder.embedding, args.hid_dim, @@ -80,16 +79,16 @@ teacher_forcing=args.teacher_forcing, ) -gate_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_desc.gating_dict)) -ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy() -total_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) +gate_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_desc.gating_dict)) +ptr_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy() +total_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, local_rank, input_dropout, data_prefix, is_training): nf.logger.info(f"Loading {data_prefix} data...") shuffle = args.shuffle_data if is_training else False - data_layer = nemo_nlp.MultiWOZDataLayer( + data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.MultiWOZDataLayer( args.data_dir, data_desc.domains, all_domains=data_desc.all_domains, diff --git a/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 4b8e994223eb..76cdd0cc7fbe 100644 --- a/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ -__all__ = ['DecoderRNN'] +__all__ = ['DecoderRNN', 'EncoderRNN'] import random @@ -203,3 +203,67 @@ def forward_cl(self, targets, encoder_outputs=None): attention_weights = None return log_probs, attention_weights + + +class EncoderRNN(TrainableNM): + """ Simple RNN-based encoder using GRU cells + Args: + sum_hidden (bool): sum the hidden from both direction if True + otherwise concatenate + """ + + @staticmethod + def create_ports(): + input_ports = { + 'inputs': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + 'input_lens': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag),}, optional=True), + } + output_ports = { + 'outputs': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + 'hidden': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + } + return input_ports, output_ports + + def __init__( + self, input_dim, emb_dim, hid_dim, dropout, n_layers=1, pad_idx=1, embedding_to_load=None, sum_hidden=True + ): + super().__init__() + self.dropout = nn.Dropout(dropout) + self.embedding = nn.Embedding(input_dim, emb_dim, padding_idx=pad_idx) + if embedding_to_load is not None: + self.embedding.weight.data.copy_(embedding_to_load) + else: + self.embedding.weight.data.normal_(0, 0.1) + self.rnn = nn.GRU(emb_dim, hid_dim, n_layers, batch_first=True, dropout=dropout, bidirectional=True) + self.sum_hidden = sum_hidden + self.to(self._device) + + def forward(self, inputs, input_lens=None): + embedded = self.embedding(inputs) + embedded = self.dropout(embedded) + if input_lens is not None: + embedded = nn.utils.rnn.pack_padded_sequence(embedded, input_lens, batch_first=True) + + outputs, hidden = self.rnn(embedded) + # outputs of shape (seq_len, batch, num_directions * hidden_size) + # hidden of shape (num_layers * num_directions, batch, hidden_size) + if input_lens is not None: + outputs, _ = nn.utils.rnn.pad_packed_sequence(outputs, batch_first=True) + else: + outputs = outputs.transpose(0, 1) + # outputs of shape: (batch, seq_len, num_directions * hidden_size) + + batch_size = hidden.size()[1] + + # separate final hidden states by layer and direction + hidden = hidden.view(self.rnn.num_layers, 2 if self.rnn.bidirectional else 1, batch_size, self.rnn.hidden_size) + hidden = hidden.transpose(2, 0).transpose(1, 2) + # hidden shape: batch x num_layer x num_directions x hidden_size + if self.sum_hidden and self.rnn.bidirectional: + hidden = hidden[:, :, 0, :] + hidden[:, :, 1, :] + outputs = outputs[:, :, : self.rnn.hidden_size] + outputs[:, :, self.rnn.hidden_size :] + else: + hidden = hidden.reshape(batch_size, self.rnn.num_layers, -1) + # hidden is now of shape (batch, num_layer, [num_directions] * hidden_size) + + return outputs, hidden diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py similarity index 80% rename from collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py index ae522b8e7b88..05cf9a3279fc 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/utils/callbacks/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py @@ -1,11 +1,26 @@ -# Copyright (c) 2019 NVIDIA Corporation -__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= import numpy as np import torch from nemo.utils.exp_logging import get_logger +__all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] + logger = get_logger('') diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..ae41ced48d78 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py @@ -0,0 +1,388 @@ +import json +import os +import pickle +import random + +from torch.utils.data import Dataset + + +class MultiWOZDataset(Dataset): + """ + By default, use only vocab from training + Need to modify the code a little bit to use for all_vocab + """ + + def __init__(self, data_dir, mode, domains, all_domains, vocab, gating_dict, slots, num_samples=-1, shuffle=False): + + print(f'Processing {mode} data') + self.data_dir = data_dir + self.mode = mode + self.gating_dict = gating_dict + self.domains = domains + self.all_domains = all_domains + self.vocab = vocab + self.slots = slots + + self.features, self.max_len = self.get_features(num_samples, shuffle) + print("Sample 0: " + str(self.features[0])) + + def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): + + if num_samples == 0: + raise ValueError("num_samples has to be positive", num_samples) + + filename = f'{self.data_dir}/{self.mode}_dials.json' + print(f'Reading from {filename}') + dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) + + domain_count = {} + data = [] + max_resp_len, max_value_len = 0, 0 + + for dialog_dict in dialogs: + if num_samples > 0 and len(data) >= num_samples: + break + + dialog_history = "" + for domain in dialog_dict['domains']: + if domain not in self.domains: + continue + if domain not in domain_count: + domain_count[domain] = 0 + domain_count[domain] += 1 + + for turn in dialog_dict['dialogue']: + if num_samples > 0 and len(data) >= num_samples: + break + + turn_uttr = turn['system_transcript'] + ' ; ' + turn['transcript'] + turn_uttr_strip = turn_uttr.strip() + dialog_history += turn["system_transcript"] + " ; " + turn["transcript"] + " ; " + source_text = dialog_history.strip() + + turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error_multiwoz(turn['belief_state'], self.slots) + + turn_belief_list = [f'{k}-{v}' for k, v in turn_beliefs.items()] + + gating_label, responses = [], [] + for slot in self.slots: + if slot in turn_beliefs: + responses.append(str(turn_beliefs[slot])) + if turn_beliefs[slot] == "dontcare": + gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["dontcare"]) + elif turn_beliefs[slot] == "none": + gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["none"]) + else: + gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["ptr"]) + else: + responses.append("none") + gating_label.append(self.gating_dict["none"]) + + sample = { + 'ID': dialog_dict['dialogue_idx'], + 'domains': dialog_dict['domains'], + 'turn_domain': turn['domain'], + 'turn_id': turn['turn_idx'], + 'dialogue_history': source_text, + 'turn_belief': turn_belief_list, + 'gating_label': gating_label, + 'turn_uttr': turn_uttr_strip, + 'responses': responses, + } + + sample['context_ids'] = self.vocab.tokens2ids(sample['dialogue_history'].split()) + sample['responses_ids'] = [ + self.vocab.tokens2ids(y.split() + [self.vocab.eos]) for y in sample['responses'] + ] + sample['turn_domain'] = self.all_domains[sample['turn_domain']] + + data.append(sample) + + resp_len = len(sample['dialogue_history'].split()) + max_resp_len = max(max_resp_len, resp_len) + + print('Domain count', domain_count) + print('Max response length', max_resp_len) + print(f'Processing {len(data)} samples') + + if shuffle: + print(f'Shuffling samples.') + random.shuffle(data) + + return data, max_resp_len + + def __len__(self): + return len(self.features) + + def __getitem__(self, idx): + item = self.features[idx] + + return { + 'dialog_id': item['ID'], + 'turn_id': item['turn_id'], + 'turn_belief': item['turn_belief'], + 'gating_label': item['gating_label'], + 'context_ids': item['context_ids'], + 'turn_domain': item['turn_domain'], + 'responses_ids': item['responses_ids'], + } + + +class Vocab: + """ + Vocab class for TRADE model + UNK_token = 0 + PAD_token = 1 + SOS_token = 3 + EOS_token = 2 + """ + + def __init__(self): + self.word2idx = {'UNK': 0, 'PAD': 1, 'EOS': 2, 'BOS': 3} + self.idx2word = ['UNK', 'PAD', 'EOS', 'BOS'] + self.unk_id = self.word2idx['UNK'] + self.pad_id = self.word2idx['PAD'] + self.eos_id = self.word2idx['EOS'] + self.bos_id = self.word2idx['BOS'] + self.unk, self.pad, self.eos, self.bos = 'UNK', 'PAD', 'EOS', 'BOS' + + def __len__(self): + return len(self.idx2word) + + def add_word(self, word): + if word not in self.word2idx: + self.word2idx[word] = len(self.idx2word) + self.idx2word.append(word) + + def add_words(self, sent, level): + """ + level == 'utterance': sent is a string + level == 'slot': sent is a list + level == 'belief': sent is a dictionary + """ + if level == 'utterance': + for word in sent.split(): + self.add_word(word) + elif level == 'slot': + for slot in sent: + domain, info = slot.split('-') + self.add_word(domain) + for subslot in info.split(' '): + self.add_word(subslot) + elif level == 'belief': + for slot, value in sent.items(): + domain, info = slot.split('-') + self.add_word(domain) + for subslot in info.split(' '): + self.add_word(subslot) + for val in value.split(' '): + self.add_word(val) + + def tokens2ids(self, tokens): + """Converts list of tokens to list of ids.""" + return [self.word2idx[w] if w in self.word2idx else self.unk_id for w in tokens] + + +class MultiWOZDataDesc: + """ + Processes MultiWOZ dataset, creates vocabulary file and list of slots. + """ + + def __init__(self, data_dir, domains={"attraction": 0, "restaurant": 1, "taxi": 2, "train": 3, "hotel": 4}): + print(f'Processing MultiWOZ dataset') + + self.all_domains = { + 'attraction': 0, + 'restaurant': 1, + 'taxi': 2, + 'train': 3, + 'hotel': 4, + 'hospital': 5, + 'bus': 6, + 'police': 7, + } + self.gating_dict = {'ptr': 0, 'dontcare': 1, 'none': 2} + + self.data_dir = data_dir + self.domains = domains + self.vocab = Vocab() + + ontology_file = open(f'{self.data_dir}/ontology.json', 'r') + self.ontology = json.load(ontology_file) + + self.vocab_file = None + self.slots = None + + self.get_slots() + self.get_vocab() + + def get_vocab(self): + self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' + + if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file): + print(f'Loading vocab from {self.data_dir}') + self.vocab = pickle.load(open(self.vocab_file, 'rb')) + else: + self.create_vocab() + + print('Vocab size', len(self.vocab)) + + def get_slots(self): + used_domains = [key for key in self.ontology if key.split('-')[0] in self.domains] + self.slots = [k.replace(' ', '').lower() if 'book' not in k else k.lower() for k in used_domains] + + def create_vocab(self): + self.vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') + + filename = f'{self.data_dir}/train_dials.json' + print(f'Building vocab from {filename}') + dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) + + max_value_len = 0 + + for dialog_dict in dialogs: + for turn in dialog_dict['dialogue']: + self.vocab.add_words(turn['system_transcript'], 'utterance') + self.vocab.add_words(turn['transcript'], 'utterance') + + turn_beliefs = fix_general_label_error_multiwoz(turn['belief_state'], self.slots) + lengths = [len(turn_beliefs[slot]) for slot in self.slots if slot in turn_beliefs] + lengths.append(max_value_len) + max_value_len = max(lengths) + + print(f'Saving vocab to {self.data_dir}') + with open(self.vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: + pickle.dump(self.vocab, handle) + + +def fix_general_label_error_multiwoz(labels, slots): + label_dict = dict([label['slots'][0] for label in labels]) + GENERAL_TYPO = { + # type + "guesthouse": "guest house", + "guesthouses": "guest house", + "guest": "guest house", + "mutiple sports": "multiple sports", + "sports": "multiple sports", + "mutliple sports": "multiple sports", + "swimmingpool": "swimming pool", + "concerthall": "concert hall", + "concert": "concert hall", + "pool": "swimming pool", + "night club": "nightclub", + "mus": "museum", + "ol": "architecture", + "colleges": "college", + "coll": "college", + "architectural": "architecture", + "musuem": "museum", + "churches": "church", + # area + "center": "centre", + "center of town": "centre", + "near city center": "centre", + "in the north": "north", + "cen": "centre", + "east side": "east", + "east area": "east", + "west part of town": "west", + "ce": "centre", + "town center": "centre", + "centre of cambridge": "centre", + "city center": "centre", + "the south": "south", + "scentre": "centre", + "town centre": "centre", + "in town": "centre", + "north part of town": "north", + "centre of town": "centre", + "cb30aq": "none", + # price + "mode": "moderate", + "moderate -ly": "moderate", + "mo": "moderate", + # day + "next friday": "friday", + "monda": "monday", + # parking + "free parking": "free", + # internet + "free internet": "yes", + # star + "4 star": "4", + "4 stars": "4", + "0 star rarting": "none", + # others + "y": "yes", + "any": "dontcare", + "n": "no", + "does not care": "dontcare", + "not men": "none", + "not": "none", + "not mentioned": "none", + '': "none", + "not mendtioned": "none", + "3 .": "3", + "does not": "no", + "fun": "none", + "art": "none", + } + + hotel_ranges = [ + "nigh", + "moderate -ly priced", + "bed and breakfast", + "centre", + "venetian", + "intern", + "a cheap -er hotel", + ] + locations = ["gastropub", "la raza", "galleria", "gallery", "science", "m"] + detailed_hotels = ["hotel with free parking and free wifi", "4", "3 star hotel"] + areas = ["stansted airport", "cambridge", "silver street"] + attr_areas = ["norwich", "ely", "museum", "same area as hotel"] + + for slot in slots: + if slot in label_dict.keys(): + # general typos + if label_dict[slot] in GENERAL_TYPO.keys(): + label_dict[slot] = label_dict[slot].replace(label_dict[slot], GENERAL_TYPO[label_dict[slot]]) + + # miss match slot and value + if ( + (slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in hotel_ranges) + or (slot == "hotel-internet" and label_dict[slot] == "4") + or (slot == "hotel-pricerange" and label_dict[slot] == "2") + or (slot == "attraction-type" and label_dict[slot] in locations) + or ("area" in slot and label_dict[slot] in ["moderate"]) + or ("day" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "t") + ): + label_dict[slot] = "none" + elif slot == "hotel-type" and label_dict[slot] in detailed_hotels: + label_dict[slot] = "hotel" + elif slot == "hotel-star" and label_dict[slot] == "3 star hotel": + label_dict[slot] = "3" + elif "area" in slot: + if label_dict[slot] == "no": + label_dict[slot] = "north" + elif label_dict[slot] == "we": + label_dict[slot] = "west" + elif label_dict[slot] == "cent": + label_dict[slot] = "centre" + elif "day" in slot: + if label_dict[slot] == "we": + label_dict[slot] = "wednesday" + elif label_dict[slot] == "no": + label_dict[slot] = "none" + elif "price" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "ch": + label_dict[slot] = "cheap" + elif "internet" in slot and label_dict[slot] == "free": + label_dict[slot] = "yes" + + # some out-of-define classification slot values + if (slot == "restaurant-area" and label_dict[slot] in areas) or ( + slot == "attraction-area" and label_dict[slot] in attr_areas + ): + label_dict[slot] = "none" + + return label_dict diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..466b16984509 --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py @@ -0,0 +1,68 @@ +import torch + +from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM +from nemo.core.neural_types import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag + + +class TRADEMaskedCrosEntropy(LossNM): + """ + Neural module which implements Masked Language Modeling (MLM) loss. + + Args: + label_smoothing (float): label smoothing regularization coefficient + """ + + @staticmethod + def create_ports(): + input_ports = { + "logits": NeuralType( + {0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag), 3: AxisType(ChannelTag)} + ), + "targets": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + } + + output_ports = {"loss": NeuralType(None)} + return input_ports, output_ports + + def __init__(self): + LossNM.__init__(self) + + def _loss_function(self, logits, targets, mask): + logits_flat = logits.view(-1, logits.size(-1)) + eps = 1e-10 + log_probs_flat = torch.log(torch.clamp(logits_flat, min=eps)) + target_flat = targets.view(-1, 1) + losses_flat = -torch.gather(log_probs_flat, dim=1, index=target_flat) + losses = losses_flat.view(*targets.size()) + loss = self.masking(losses, mask) + return loss + + @staticmethod + def masking(losses, mask): + + # mask_ = [] + # batch_size = mask.size(0) + max_len = losses.size(2) + + mask_ = torch.arange(max_len, device=mask.device)[None, None, :] < mask[:, :, None] + # mask_ = torch.arange(max_len, device=mask.device).expand(losses.size()) < mask.expand(losses) + + # for si in range(mask.size(1)): + # seq_range = torch.arange(0, max_len).long() + # seq_range_expand = \ + # seq_range.unsqueeze(0).expand(batch_size, max_len) + # if mask[:, si].is_cuda: + # seq_range_expand = seq_range_expand.cuda() + # seq_length_expand = mask[:, si].unsqueeze( + # 1).expand_as(seq_range_expand) + # mask_.append((seq_range_expand < seq_length_expand)) + # mask_ = torch.stack(mask_) + # mask_ = mask_.transpose(0, 1) + # if losses.is_cuda: + # mask_ = mask_.cuda() + + mask_ = mask_.float() + losses = losses * mask_ + loss = losses.sum() / mask_.sum() + return loss diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/__init__.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..e69de29bb2d1 diff --git a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py similarity index 74% rename from collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py rename to nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py index 4571291064b9..fb918d8c5aa0 100644 --- a/collections/nemo_nlp/nemo_nlp/modules/dialogue_state_tracking.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py @@ -7,7 +7,7 @@ import torch.nn.functional as F from torch import nn as nn -from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM, TrainableNM +from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import TrainableNM from nemo.core.neural_types import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag @@ -151,67 +151,3 @@ def attend_vocab(seq, cond): scores_ = cond.matmul(seq.transpose(1, 0)) scores = F.softmax(scores_, dim=1) return scores - - -class TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy(LossNM): - """ - Neural module which implements Masked Language Modeling (MLM) loss. - - Args: - label_smoothing (float): label smoothing regularization coefficient - """ - - @staticmethod - def create_ports(): - input_ports = { - "logits": NeuralType( - {0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag), 3: AxisType(ChannelTag)} - ), - "targets": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), - } - - output_ports = {"loss": NeuralType(None)} - return input_ports, output_ports - - def __init__(self): - LossNM.__init__(self) - - def _loss_function(self, logits, targets, mask): - logits_flat = logits.view(-1, logits.size(-1)) - eps = 1e-10 - log_probs_flat = torch.log(torch.clamp(logits_flat, min=eps)) - target_flat = targets.view(-1, 1) - losses_flat = -torch.gather(log_probs_flat, dim=1, index=target_flat) - losses = losses_flat.view(*targets.size()) - loss = self.masking(losses, mask) - return loss - - @staticmethod - def masking(losses, mask): - - # mask_ = [] - # batch_size = mask.size(0) - max_len = losses.size(2) - - mask_ = torch.arange(max_len, device=mask.device)[None, None, :] < mask[:, :, None] - # mask_ = torch.arange(max_len, device=mask.device).expand(losses.size()) < mask.expand(losses) - - # for si in range(mask.size(1)): - # seq_range = torch.arange(0, max_len).long() - # seq_range_expand = \ - # seq_range.unsqueeze(0).expand(batch_size, max_len) - # if mask[:, si].is_cuda: - # seq_range_expand = seq_range_expand.cuda() - # seq_length_expand = mask[:, si].unsqueeze( - # 1).expand_as(seq_range_expand) - # mask_.append((seq_range_expand < seq_length_expand)) - # mask_ = torch.stack(mask_) - # mask_ = mask_.transpose(0, 1) - # if losses.is_cuda: - # mask_ = mask_.cuda() - - mask_ = mask_.float() - losses = losses * mask_ - loss = losses.sum() / mask_.sum() - return loss From 0e3ac4b73c2ce14e781f041974a9e41be53b2cd2 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 21:13:43 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 114/138] Fixed bugs. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 11 +- nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 42 ++++- .../state_tracking_trade_callback.py | 4 - .../collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py | 1 + .../nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py | 1 + .../state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py | 143 ++++++++++++++++++ nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py | 1 + .../nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py | 75 ++++++++- .../collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py | 1 + .../dialogue_state_tracking/__init__.py | 17 +++ .../state_tracking_trade_nm.py | 20 ++- 11 files changed, 289 insertions(+), 27 deletions(-) create mode 100644 nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index 1233bab525a7..7fa6c74ca1ef 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -69,7 +69,7 @@ vocab_size = len(data_desc.vocab) encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, args.emb_dim, args.hid_dim, args.dropout, args.n_layers) -decoder = nemo.collections.nlp.TRADEGenerator( +decoder = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.TRADEGenerator( data_desc.vocab, encoder.embedding, args.hid_dim, @@ -79,16 +79,16 @@ teacher_forcing=args.teacher_forcing, ) -gate_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_desc.gating_dict)) -ptr_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy() -total_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) +gate_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_desc.gating_dict)) +ptr_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.TRADEMaskedCrosEntropy() +total_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, local_rank, input_dropout, data_prefix, is_training): nf.logger.info(f"Loading {data_prefix} data...") shuffle = args.shuffle_data if is_training else False - data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.MultiWOZDataLayer( + data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.MultiWOZDataLayer( args.data_dir, data_desc.domains, all_domains=data_desc.all_domains, @@ -98,7 +98,6 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, local_rank, input_dropout num_samples=num_samples, shuffle=shuffle, num_workers=0, - local_rank=local_rank, batch_size=batch_size, mode=data_prefix, is_training=is_training, diff --git a/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index 76cdd0cc7fbe..c565f18779a0 100644 --- a/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -212,17 +212,49 @@ class EncoderRNN(TrainableNM): otherwise concatenate """ - @staticmethod - def create_ports(): - input_ports = { + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + targets: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + encoder_outputs: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return { 'inputs': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), 'input_lens': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag),}, optional=True), } - output_ports = { + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + log_probs: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + attention_weights: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(TimeTag) + """ + return { 'outputs': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), 'hidden': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), } - return input_ports, output_ports def __init__( self, input_dim, emb_dim, hid_dim, dropout, n_layers=1, pad_idx=1, embedding_to_load=None, sum_hidden=True diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py index 05cf9a3279fc..16189efbb9ab 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py @@ -17,12 +17,8 @@ import numpy as np import torch -from nemo.utils.exp_logging import get_logger - __all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] -logger = get_logger('') - def eval_iter_callback(tensors, global_vars, data_desc): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py index f0eafa0d62f1..7627f81d7af5 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py @@ -30,6 +30,7 @@ BertPunctuationCapitalizationInferDataset, ) from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.qa_squad_dataset import SquadDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.state_tracking_trade_dataset import MultiWOZDataDesc, MultiWOZDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.text_classification_dataset import BertTextClassificationDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.token_classification_dataset import ( BertTokenClassificationDataset, diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py index 897974506fae..1b35d9adc25a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py @@ -21,6 +21,7 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.machine_translation_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.punctuation_capitalization_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.qa_squad_datalayer import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.state_tracking_trade_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_classification_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.token_classification_datalayer import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py new file mode 100644 index 000000000000..8832adfadf4d --- /dev/null +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py @@ -0,0 +1,143 @@ +import numpy as np +import torch +from torch.utils import data as pt_data + +import nemo +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets import MultiWOZDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import TextDataLayer +from nemo.core.neural_types import * + +__all__ = ['MultiWOZDataLayer'] + + +class MultiWOZDataLayer(TextDataLayer): + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + """ + return { + "src_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "src_lens": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), + "tgt_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(TimeTag)}), + "tgt_lens": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + "gating_labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + 'turn_domain': NeuralType(None), + } + + def __init__( + self, + data_dir, + domains, + all_domains, + vocab, + slots, + gating_dict, + num_samples=-1, + batch_size=16, + mode='train', + dataset_type=MultiWOZDataset, + shuffle=False, + num_workers=0, + input_dropout=0, + is_training=False, + ): + + dataset_params = { + 'data_dir': data_dir, + 'domains': domains, + 'num_samples': num_samples, + 'mode': mode, + 'shuffle': shuffle, + 'all_domains': all_domains, + 'vocab': vocab, + 'slots': slots, + 'gating_dict': gating_dict, + } + super().__init__(dataset_type, dataset_params, batch_size=batch_size) + + if self._placement == nemo.core.DeviceType.AllGpu: + sampler = pt_data.distributed.DistributedSampler(self._dataset) + else: + sampler = None + + self._dataloader = pt_data.DataLoader( + dataset=self._dataset, + batch_size=batch_size, + shuffle=sampler is None, + num_workers=num_workers, + collate_fn=self._collate_fn, + sampler=sampler, + ) + self.pad_id = self._dataset.vocab.pad_id + self.gating_dict = self._dataset.gating_dict + self.input_dropout = input_dropout + self.is_training = is_training + self.vocab = self._dataset.vocab + self.slots = self._dataset.slots + + def _collate_fn(self, data): + """ data is a list of batch_size sample + each sample is a dictionary of features + """ + + def pad_batch_context(sequences): + ''' + merge from batch * sent_len to batch * max_len + ''' + lengths = [len(seq) for seq in sequences] + max_len = 1 if max(lengths) == 0 else max(lengths) + for i, seq in enumerate(sequences): + sequences[i] = seq + [1] * (max_len - len(seq)) + return torch.tensor(sequences), torch.tensor(lengths) + + def pad_batch_response(sequences, pad_id): + ''' + merge from batch * nb_slot * slot_len to batch * nb_slot * max_slot_len + ''' + lengths = [] + for bsz_seq in sequences: + length = [len(v) for v in bsz_seq] + lengths.append(length) + max_len = max([max(l) for l in lengths]) + padded_seqs = [] + for bsz_seq in sequences: + pad_seq = [] + for v in bsz_seq: + v = v + [pad_id] * (max_len - len(v)) + pad_seq.append(v) + padded_seqs.append(pad_seq) + padded_seqs = torch.tensor(padded_seqs) + lengths = torch.tensor(lengths) + return padded_seqs, lengths + + data.sort(key=lambda x: len(x['context_ids']), reverse=True) + item_info = {} + for key in data[0]: + item_info[key] = [item[key] for item in data] + + src_ids, src_lens = pad_batch_context(item_info['context_ids']) + tgt_ids, tgt_lens = pad_batch_response(item_info['responses_ids'], self._dataset.vocab.pad_id) + gating_label = torch.tensor(item_info['gating_label']) + turn_domain = torch.tensor(item_info['turn_domain']) + + if self.input_dropout > 0 and self.is_training: + bi_mask = np.random.binomial([np.ones(src_ids.size())], 1.0 - self.input_dropout)[0] + rand_mask = torch.Tensor(bi_mask).long().to(src_ids.device) + src_ids = src_ids * rand_mask + + return ( + src_ids.to(self._device), + src_lens.to(self._device), + tgt_ids.to(self._device), + tgt_lens.to(self._device), + gating_label.to(self._device), + turn_domain.to(self._device), + ) + + @property + def dataset(self): + return None + + @property + def data_iterator(self): + return self._dataloader diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py index 76e04131232f..20333eb42715 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py @@ -20,4 +20,5 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.qa_squad_loss import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.state_tracking_trade_loss import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.token_classification_loss import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py index 466b16984509..095aae5d77db 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py @@ -3,6 +3,8 @@ from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM from nemo.core.neural_types import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['TRADEMaskedCrosEntropy', 'CrossEntropyLoss3D'] + class TRADEMaskedCrosEntropy(LossNM): """ @@ -12,9 +14,18 @@ class TRADEMaskedCrosEntropy(LossNM): label_smoothing (float): label smoothing regularization coefficient """ - @staticmethod - def create_ports(): - input_ports = { + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + hidden_states: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return { "logits": NeuralType( {0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag), 3: AxisType(ChannelTag)} ), @@ -22,8 +33,23 @@ def create_ports(): "mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), } - output_ports = {"loss": NeuralType(None)} - return input_ports, output_ports + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + intent_logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + slot_logits: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ + return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} def __init__(self): LossNM.__init__(self) @@ -66,3 +92,42 @@ def masking(losses, mask): losses = losses * mask_ loss = losses.sum() / mask_.sum() return loss + + +class CrossEntropyLoss3D(LossNM): + """ + Neural module which implements Token Classification loss. + Args: + num_classes (int): number of classes in a classifier, e.g. size + of the vocabulary in language modeling objective + logits (float): output of the classifier + labels (long): ground truth labels + loss_mask (long): to differentiate from original tokens and paddings + """ + + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + """ + return { + "logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + "labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + } + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + """ + return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} + + def __init__(self, num_classes, **kwargs): + LossNM.__init__(self, **kwargs) + self._criterion = torch.nn.CrossEntropyLoss() + self.num_classes = num_classes + + def _loss_function(self, logits, labels): + logits_flatten = logits.view(-1, self.num_classes) + labels_flatten = labels.view(-1) + + loss = self._criterion(logits_flatten, labels_flatten) + return loss diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py index 7114bdda312f..d466413a905e 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py @@ -15,4 +15,5 @@ # ============================================================================= from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.dialogue_state_tracking import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/__init__.py index e69de29bb2d1..7d8279b73c0d 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/__init__.py @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.dialogue_state_tracking.state_tracking_trade_nm import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py index fb918d8c5aa0..3d699cdb41e9 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py @@ -1,5 +1,3 @@ -__all__ = ['TRADEGenerator', 'TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy'] - import random import numpy as np @@ -10,24 +8,32 @@ from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import TrainableNM from nemo.core.neural_types import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag +__all__ = ['TRADEGenerator'] + class TRADEGenerator(TrainableNM): - @staticmethod - def create_ports(): - input_ports = { + @property + def input_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module input ports. + """ + return { 'encoder_hidden': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), 'encoder_outputs': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), 'input_lens': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag),}), 'src_ids': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), 'targets': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(TimeTag)}), } - output_ports = { + + @property + def output_ports(self): + """Returns definitions of module output ports. + """ + return { 'point_outputs': NeuralType( {0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag), 3: AxisType(ChannelTag)} ), 'gate_outputs': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), } - return input_ports, output_ports def __init__(self, vocab, embeddings, hid_size, dropout, slots, nb_gate, teacher_forcing=0.5): super().__init__() From 1f0a434102c15c8d89e36d849797e93bc553e640 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 21:25:48 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 115/138] Added licenses. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 16 ++++++++ .../datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py | 38 ++++++++++++++++++ .../state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py | 38 ++++++++++++++++++ .../nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py | 38 ++++++++++++++++++ .../state_tracking_trade_nm.py | 39 +++++++++++++++++++ 5 files changed, 169 insertions(+) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index 7fa6c74ca1ef..c12dd8a8ba49 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -1,3 +1,19 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + """ An implementation of the paper "Transferable Multi-Domain State Generator for Task-Oriented Dialogue Systems" (Wu et al., 2019) Adopted from: https://github.com/jasonwu0731/trade-dst diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py index ae41ced48d78..203e4aee71a5 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py @@ -1,3 +1,41 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 Salesforce Research. +# +# Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a +# copy of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), +# to deal in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the +# rights to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, +# and/or sell copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom +# the Software is furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions: +# +# The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in +# all copies or substantial portions of the Software. +# +# THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, +# EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF +# MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. +# IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, +# DAMAGES OR OTHER LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR +# OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM, OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR +# THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE SOFTWARE. +# ============================================================================= + import json import os import pickle diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py index 8832adfadf4d..2199f1cd5270 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py @@ -1,3 +1,41 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 Salesforce Research. +# +# Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a +# copy of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), +# to deal in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the +# rights to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, +# and/or sell copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom +# the Software is furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions: +# +# The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in +# all copies or substantial portions of the Software. +# +# THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, +# EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF +# MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. +# IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, +# DAMAGES OR OTHER LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR +# OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM, OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR +# THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE SOFTWARE. +# ============================================================================= + import numpy as np import torch from torch.utils import data as pt_data diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py index 095aae5d77db..c489fb3df1e4 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py @@ -1,3 +1,41 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 Salesforce Research. +# +# Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a +# copy of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), +# to deal in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the +# rights to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, +# and/or sell copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom +# the Software is furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions: +# +# The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in +# all copies or substantial portions of the Software. +# +# THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, +# EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF +# MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. +# IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, +# DAMAGES OR OTHER LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR +# OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM, OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR +# THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE SOFTWARE. +# ============================================================================= + import torch from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py index 3d699cdb41e9..f604e4d175d6 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py @@ -1,3 +1,42 @@ +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 Salesforce Research. +# +# Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a +# copy of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), +# to deal in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the +# rights to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, +# and/or sell copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom +# the Software is furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions: +# +# The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in +# all copies or substantial portions of the Software. +# +# THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, +# EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF +# MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. +# IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, +# DAMAGES OR OTHER LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR +# OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM, OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR +# THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE SOFTWARE. +# ============================================================================= + + import random import numpy as np From 01fc8a763bf5e320fd1c2cd99d03c5b0eaa8f02d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 21:37:48 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 116/138] Added licenses. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index c12dd8a8ba49..bc5d882c4efa 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -15,7 +15,7 @@ # ============================================================================= """ An implementation of the paper "Transferable Multi-Domain State Generator -for Task-Oriented Dialogue Systems" (Wu et al., 2019) +for Task-Oriented Dialogue Systems" (Wu et al., 2019 - ACL 2019) Adopted from: https://github.com/jasonwu0731/trade-dst """ From 6ca85069ec64f14925a89754cbabe0fcf8d06a0c Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 21:41:59 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 117/138] Unfixed the bug in the param list of the optimizer. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py | 2 -- 1 file changed, 2 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py b/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py index 9b7d7bc85232..2c41a40521fb 100644 --- a/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py +++ b/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py @@ -270,7 +270,6 @@ def create_optimizer(self, optimizer, things_to_optimize, optimizer_params=None) # Extract trainable weights which will be optimized params_list = [p.parameters() for p in modules_to_optimize if isinstance(p, TrainableNM) or p.is_trainable()] params_to_optimize = itertools.chain(*params_list) - params_to_optimize = set(params_to_optimize) if optimizer_params is None: optimizer_params = {} @@ -1098,7 +1097,6 @@ def train( p[0].parameters() for p in opt_call_chain if isinstance(p[0], TrainableNM) or p[0].is_trainable() ] params_to_optimize = itertools.chain(*params_list) - params_to_optimize = set(params_to_optimize) # Setup optimizer instance. By default it is SGD optimizer_instance = None optimizer_class = None From 19a6f1443eaf8a5574dbb789ae4f2040edc1731f Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Mon, 3 Feb 2020 21:45:47 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 118/138] Updated changes log. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- CHANGELOG.md | 2 ++ 1 file changed, 2 insertions(+) diff --git a/CHANGELOG.md b/CHANGELOG.md index 9936424681c0..359dfde8b3ef 100644 --- a/CHANGELOG.md +++ b/CHANGELOG.md @@ -74,6 +74,8 @@ To release a new version, please update the changelog as followed: ([PR #268](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/pull/268)) - @stasbel - Introduced the `deprecated` decorator. ([PR #298](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/pull/298)) - @tkornuta-nvidia +- Added a dialogue state tracking model (TRADE) on MultiWOZ dataset +([PR #322](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/pull/322)) - @chiphuyen, @VahidooX ### Changed - Additional Collections Repositories merged into core `nemo_toolkit` package. From d6ea41e90798f87003e05a0a5bd49b15d7686fcb Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 16:47:38 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 119/138] Updated licenses. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 2 +- nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py | 2 +- .../nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py | 2 +- nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py | 2 +- .../dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py | 2 +- 5 files changed, 5 insertions(+), 5 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index bc5d882c4efa..48d4334569a9 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ # ============================================================================= -# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py index b3f49c5e33fb..15d712a833a7 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/joint_intent_slot_callback.py @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ # ============================================================================= -# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py index 2199f1cd5270..291c708a9a6d 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ # ============================================================================= -# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py index c489fb3df1e4..72136fb446e9 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ # ============================================================================= -# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py index f604e4d175d6..1b4bcb8db66c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ # ============================================================================= -# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. From 5cef512f5e0e16297130f6cb4d6795b2af931234 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 16:49:01 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 120/138] Updated licenses. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py index 203e4aee71a5..32f2f5acbc09 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ # ============================================================================= -# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. From 857864b5484a78e9760b72b31f3fa975d2e980dd Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 17:02:57 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 121/138] removed local_rank passed to pipeline creator. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 4 +--- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 3 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index 48d4334569a9..2725334b0ec2 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -100,7 +100,7 @@ total_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) -def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, local_rank, input_dropout, data_prefix, is_training): +def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, input_dropout, data_prefix, is_training): nf.logger.info(f"Loading {data_prefix} data...") shuffle = args.shuffle_data if is_training else False @@ -162,7 +162,6 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, local_rank, input_dropout args.num_train_samples, batch_size=args.batch_size, num_gpus=args.num_gpus, - local_rank=args.local_rank, input_dropout=args.input_dropout, data_prefix=args.train_file_prefix, is_training=True, @@ -172,7 +171,6 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, local_rank, input_dropout args.num_eval_samples, batch_size=args.eval_batch_size, num_gpus=args.num_gpus, - local_rank=args.local_rank, input_dropout=0.0, data_prefix=args.eval_file_prefix, is_training=False, From a2b17a713ad895c9accabc92fa50deff139aa5bb Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 17:26:43 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 122/138] Cleaned up the code. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py | 42 +- examples/start_here/movie_data.txt | 150000 --------------- .../collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py | 1 + .../datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py | 2 + .../state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py | 31 +- .../nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py | 1 + .../nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py | 29 +- .../state_tracking_trade_nm.py | 52 +- 8 files changed, 140 insertions(+), 150018 deletions(-) delete mode 100644 examples/start_here/movie_data.txt diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py index 452136d203d3..eed85c69d0f8 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py @@ -1,17 +1,55 @@ -# -*- coding: utf-8 -*- +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= + +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 Salesforce Research. +# +# Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a +# copy of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), +# to deal in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the +# rights to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, +# and/or sell copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom +# the Software is furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions: +# +# The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in +# all copies or substantial portions of the Software. +# +# THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, +# EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF +# MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. +# IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, +# DAMAGES OR OTHER LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR +# OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM, OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR +# THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE SOFTWARE. +# ============================================================================= + """ Dataset: http://dialogue.mi.eng.cam.ac.uk/index.php/corpus/ Code based on: https://github.com/jasonwu0731/trade-dst """ + import argparse import json import os import re import shutil -from nemo_nlp.data.datasets.utils import if_exist +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.datasets_utils import if_exist parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(description='Process MultiWOZ dataset') parser.add_argument("--data_dir", default='../../data/statetracking/MULTIWOZ2.1', type=str) diff --git a/examples/start_here/movie_data.txt b/examples/start_here/movie_data.txt deleted file mode 100644 index ddbe99ee413d..000000000000 --- a/examples/start_here/movie_data.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,150000 +0,0 @@ -Can we make this quick? Roxanne Korrine and Andrew Barrett are having an incredibly horrendous public break- up on the quad. Again. Well, I thought we'd start with pronunciation, if that's okay with you. -Well, I thought we'd start with pronunciation, if that's okay with you. Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part. Please. -Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part. Please. Okay... then how 'bout we try out some French cuisine. Saturday? Night? -You're asking me out. That's so cute. What's your name again? Forget it. -No, no, it's my fault -- we didn't have a proper introduction --- Cameron. -Cameron. The thing is, Cameron -- I'm at the mercy of a particularly hideous breed of loser. My sister. I can't date until she does. -The thing is, Cameron -- I'm at the mercy of a particularly hideous breed of loser. My sister. I can't date until she does. Seems like she could get a date easy enough... -Why? Unsolved mystery. She used to be really popular when she started high school, then it was just like she got sick of it or something. -Unsolved mystery. She used to be really popular when she started high school, then it was just like she got sick of it or something. That's a shame. -Gosh, if only we could find Kat a boyfriend... Let me see what I can do. -C'esc ma tete. This is my head Right. See? You're ready for the quiz. -Right. See? You're ready for the quiz. I don't want to know how to say that though. I want to know useful things. Like where the good stores are. How much does champagne cost? Stuff like Chat. I have never in my life had to point out my head to someone. -I don't want to know how to say that though. I want to know useful things. Like where the good stores are. How much does champagne cost? Stuff like Chat. I have never in my life had to point out my head to someone. That's because it's such a nice one. -That's because it's such a nice one. Forget French. -How is our little Find the Wench A Date plan progressing? Well, there's someone I think might be -- -There. Where? -You got something on your mind? I counted on you to help my cause. You and that thug are obviously failing. Aren't we ever going on our date? -You have my word. As a gentleman You're sweet. -How do you get your hair to look like that? Eber's Deep Conditioner every two days. And I never, ever use a blowdryer without the diffuser attachment. -Sure have. I really, really, really wanna go, but I can't. Not unless my sister goes. -I really, really, really wanna go, but I can't. Not unless my sister goes. I'm workin' on it. But she doesn't seem to be goin' for him. -She's not a... Lesbian? No. I found a picture of Jared Leto in one of her drawers, so I'm pretty sure she's not harboring same-sex tendencies. -Lesbian? No. I found a picture of Jared Leto in one of her drawers, so I'm pretty sure she's not harboring same-sex tendencies. So that's the kind of guy she likes? Pretty ones? -So that's the kind of guy she likes? Pretty ones? Who knows? All I've ever heard her say is that she'd dip before dating a guy that smokes. -Hi. Looks like things worked out tonight, huh? -You know Chastity? I believe we share an art instructor -Have fun tonight? Tons -"I looked for you back at the party, but you always seemed to be ""occupied""." I was? -I was? You never wanted to go out with 'me, did you? -Well, no... Then that's all you had to say. -Then that's all you had to say. But -But You always been this selfish? -"Then Guillermo says, ""If you go any lighter, you're gonna look like an extra on 90210.""" No... -do you listen to this crap? What crap? -What crap? Me. This endless ...blonde babble. I'm like, boring myself. -Me. This endless ...blonde babble. I'm like, boring myself. Thank God! If I had to hear one more story about your coiffure... -I figured you'd get to the good stuff eventually. What good stuff? -What good stuff? "The ""real you""." -"The ""real you""." Like my fear of wearing pastels? -"I'm kidding. You know how sometimes you just become this ""persona""? And you don't know how to quit?" No -No Okay -- you're gonna need to learn how to lie. -Wow Let's go. -She okay? I hope so. -They do to! They do not! -Did you change your hair? No. -No. You might wanna think about it -Where did he go? He was just here. Who? -Who? Joey. -Great Would you mind getting me a drink, Cameron? -He practically proposed when he found out we had the same dermatologist. I mean. Dr. Bonchowski is great an all, but he's not exactly relevant party conversation. Is he oily or dry? -Is he oily or dry? Combination. I don't know -- I thought he'd be different. More of a gentleman... -Bianca, I don't think the highlights of dating Joey Dorsey are going to include door-opening and coat-holding. Sometimes I wonder if the guys we're supposed to want to go out with are the ones we actually want to go out with, you know? -Sometimes I wonder if the guys we're supposed to want to go out with are the ones we actually want to go out with, you know? All I know is -- I'd give up my private line to go out with a guy like Joey. -I have to be home in twenty minutes. I don't have to be home 'til two. -You think you ' re the only sophomore at the prom? I did. -It's more Expensive? -Exactly So, you going to Bogey Lowenbrau's thing on Saturday? Hopefully. -"So yeah, I've got the Sears catalog thing going -- and the tube sock gig "" that's gonna be huge. And then I'm up for an ad for Queen Harry next week." Queen Harry? -Queen Harry? It's a gay cruise line, but I'll be, like, wearing a uniform and stuff. -Neat... My agent says I've got a good shot at being the Prada guy next year. -Hey, sweet cheeks. Hi, Joey. -Hi, Joey. You're concentrating awfully hard considering it's gym class. -Listen, I want to talk to you about the prom. You know the deal. I can ' t go if Kat doesn't go -- -Where've you been? Nowhere... Hi, Daddy. -I have the potential to smack the crap out of you if you don't get out of my way. Can you at least start wearing a bra? -Oh my God, does this mean you're becoming normal? It means that Gigglepuss is playing at Club Skunk and we're going. -It means that Gigglepuss is playing at Club Skunk and we're going. Oh, I thought you might have a date I don't know why I'm bothering to ask, but are you going to Bogey Lowenstein's party Saturday night? -Oh, I thought you might have a date I don't know why I'm bothering to ask, but are you going to Bogey Lowenstein's party Saturday night? What do you think? -What do you think? I think you're a freak. I think you do this to torture me. And I think you suck. -You're ruining my life' Because you won't be normal, I can't be normal. What's normal? -What's normal? Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal, but you're too busy listening to Bitches Who Need Prozac to know that. -Can't you forget for just one night that you're completely wretched? At least I'm not a clouted fen- sucked hedge-pig. -Like I'm supposed to know what that even means. It's Shakespeare. Maybe you've heard of him? -It's Shakespeare. Maybe you've heard of him? Yeah, he's your freak friend Mandella's boyfriend. I guess since I'm not allowed to go out, I should obsess over a dead guy, too. -You are so completely unbalanced. Can we go now? -Bianca, I need to talk to you -- I need to tell you -- I really don't think I need any social advice from you right now. -I don't get you. You act like you're too good for any of this, and then you go totally apeshit when you get here. You're welcome. -Listen, I know you hate having to sit home because I'm not Susie High School. Like you care. -Like you care. I do care. But I'm a firm believer in doing something for your own reasons, not someone else ' s . -I do care. But I'm a firm believer in doing something for your own reasons, not someone else ' s . I wish I had that luxury. I'm the only sophomore that got asked to the prom and I can't go, because you won ' t. -Joey never told you we went out, did he? What? -What? In 9th. For a month -In 9th. For a month Why? -Why? He was, like, a total babe -He was, like, a total babe But you hate Joey -But you hate Joey Now I do. Back then, was a different story. -Now I do. Back then, was a different story. As in... -He said everyone was doing it. So I did it. You did what? -You did what? Just once. Afterwards, I told him I didn't want to anymore. I wasn't ready. He got pissed. Then he broke up with me. -But "After that, I swore I'd never do anything just because ""everyone else"" was doing it. And I haven't since. Except for Bogey's party, and my stunning gastro-intestinal display --" -"After that, I swore I'd never do anything just because ""everyone else"" was doing it. And I haven't since. Except for Bogey's party, and my stunning gastro-intestinal display --" Why didn't you tell me? -Why didn't you tell me? I wanted to let you make up your own mind about him. -I wanted to let you make up your own mind about him. No. you didn't! If you really thought I could make my own decisions, you would've let me go out with him instead of helping Daddy hold me hostage. -That's not I'm not stupid enough to repeat your mistakes. -I'm not stupid enough to repeat your mistakes. I guess I thought I was protecting you. -I guess I thought I was protecting you. God, you're just like him! Just keep me locked away in the dark, so I can't experience anything for myself -God, you're just like him! Just keep me locked away in the dark, so I can't experience anything for myself Not all experiences are good, Bianca. You can't always trust the people you want to. -Not all experiences are good, Bianca. You can't always trust the people you want to. I guess I'll never know, will I? -You looked beautiful last night, you know. So did you -Let go! You set me up. -You set me up. I just wanted -- -I just wanted -- What? To completely damage me? To send me to therapy forever? What? -What? To completely damage me? To send me to therapy forever? What? No! I just wanted -Is that woman a complete fruit-loop or is it just me? It's just you. -Patrick -- is that- a. Perm? -Now don't get upset. Daddy, but there's this boy... and I think he might ask... No! You're not dating until your sister starts dating. End of discussion. -No! You're not dating until your sister starts dating. End of discussion. What if she never starts dating? -What if she never starts dating? Then neither will you. And I'll get to sleep at night. -Then neither will you. And I'll get to sleep at night. But it's not fair -- she's a mutant, Daddy! -But she doesn't want to date. Exactly my point -Daddy, I -- And where're you going? -And where're you going? If you must know, we were attempting to go to a small study group of friends. -If you must know, we were attempting to go to a small study group of friends. Otherwise known as an orgy? -Otherwise known as an orgy? "It's just a party. Daddy, but I knew you'd forbid me to go since ""Gloria Steinem"" over there isn't going --" -Daddy, people expect me to be there! If Kat's not going, you're not going. -Oh, God. It's starting. It's just a party. Daddy. -Wear the belly before you go. Daddy, no! -Daddy, no! Just for a minute -Promise me you won't talk to any boys unless your sister is present. Why? -Why? Because she'll scare them away. -Daddy, I want to discuss the prom with you. It's tomorrow night -- The prom? Kat has a date? -The prom? Kat has a date? No, but -No, but It's that hot rod Joey, right? That ' s who you want me to bend my rules for? -It's that hot rod Joey, right? That ' s who you want me to bend my rules for? "He's not a ""hot rod"". Whatever that is." -"He's not a ""hot rod"". Whatever that is." You're not going unless your sister goes. End of story. -You're not going unless your sister goes. End of story. Fine. I see that I'm a prisoner in my own house. I'm not a daughter. I'm a possession! -I'm missing something. I have a date, Daddy. And he ' s not a captain of oppression like some men we know. -Always a pleasure, Brucie. Didn't have you pegged for a Gigglepuss fan. Aren't they a little too pre-teen belly-button ring for you? -Didn't have you pegged for a Gigglepuss fan. Aren't they a little too pre-teen belly-button ring for you? Fan of a fan. You see a couple of minors come in? -Fan of a fan. You see a couple of minors come in? Never -Never Padua girls. One tall, decent body. The other one kinda short and undersexed? -Padua girls. One tall, decent body. The other one kinda short and undersexed? Just sent 'em through. -You the new guy? So they tell me... -So they tell me... C'mon. I'm supposed to give you the tour. -So -- which Dakota you from? North, actually. How'd you ? -North, actually. How'd you ? I was kidding. People actually live there? -I was kidding. People actually live there? Yeah. A couple. We're outnumbered by the cows, though. -Yeah. A couple. We're outnumbered by the cows, though. How many people were in your old school? -How many people were in your old school? Thirty-two. -Thirty-two. Get out! -Get out! How many people go here? -How many people go here? Couple thousand. Most of them evil -That I'm used to. Yeah, but these guys have never seen a horse. They just jack off to Clint Eastwood. -That girl -- I -- You burn, you pine, you perish? -You burn, you pine, you perish? Who is she? -Who is she? Bianca Stratford. Sophomore. Don't even think about it -Bianca Stratford. Sophomore. Don't even think about it Why not? -Why not? I could start with your haircut, but it doesn't matter. She's not allowed to date until her older sister does. And that's an impossibility. -Why do girls like that always like guys like that? Because they're bred to. Their mothers liked guys like that, and their grandmothers before them. Their gene pool is rarely diluted. -Because they're bred to. Their mothers liked guys like that, and their grandmothers before them. Their gene pool is rarely diluted. He always have that shit-eating grin? -He always have that shit-eating grin? Joey Dorsey? Perma-shit-grin. I wish I could say he's a moron, but he's number twelve in the class. And a model. Mostly regional stuff, but he's rumored to have a big tube sock ad coming out. -You know French? Sure do ... my Mom's from Canada -Sure do ... my Mom's from Canada Guess who just signed up for a tutor? -Guess who just signed up for a tutor? You mean I'd get a chance to talk to her? -You mean I'd get a chance to talk to her? You could consecrate with her, my friend. -Yeah, just a minor encounter with the shrew. That's her? Bianca's sister? -That's her? Bianca's sister? The mewling, rampalian wretch herself. -I teach her French, get to know her, dazzle her with charm and she falls in love with me. Unlikely, but even so, she still can't go out with you. So what's the point? -What about him? You wanna go out with him? -What makes you think he'll do it? He seems like he thrives on danger -He seems like he thrives on danger No kidding. He's a criminal. I heard he lit a state trooper on fire. He just got out of Alcatraz... -No kidding. He's a criminal. I heard he lit a state trooper on fire. He just got out of Alcatraz... They always let felons sit in on Honors Biology? -They always let felons sit in on Honors Biology? I'm serious, man, he's whacked. He sold his own liver on the black market so he could buy new speakers. -I'm serious, man, he's whacked. He sold his own liver on the black market so he could buy new speakers. Forget his reputation. Do you think we've got a plan or not? -Forget his reputation. Do you think we've got a plan or not? Did she actually say she'd go out with you? -Did she actually say she'd go out with you? That's what I just said -You know, if you do go out with Bianca, you'd be set. You'd outrank everyone. Strictly A-list. With me by your side. I thought you hated those people. -I thought you hated those people. Hey -- I've gotta have a few clients when I get to Wall Street. -You got him involved? Like we had a choice? Besides -- when you let the enemy think he's orchestrating the battle, you're in a position of power. We let him pretend he's calling the shots, and while he's busy setting up the plan, you have time to woo Bianca. -This is it. A golden opportunity. Patrick can ask Katarina to the party. In that case, we'll need to make it a school-wide blow out. -In that case, we'll need to make it a school-wide blow out. Will Bogey get bent? -Will Bogey get bent? Are you kidding? He'll piss himself with joy. He's the ultimate kiss ass. -Number one. She hates smokers It's a lung cancer issue -It's a lung cancer issue Her favorite uncle -Her favorite uncle Dead at forty-one. -He's pretty! Okay! I wasn't sure -Assail your ears for one night. It's her favorite band. -You told me that part already. Hell, I've just been going over the whole thing in my head and - -Extremely unfortunate maneuver. The hell is that? What kind of 'guy just picks up a girl and carries her away while you're talking to her? -The hell is that? What kind of 'guy just picks up a girl and carries her away while you're talking to her? Buttholus extremus. But hey, you're making progress. -Buttholus extremus. But hey, you're making progress. No, I ' m not. -You humiliated the woman! Sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity and even the score. Best case scenario, you're back on the payroll for awhile. -And he means that strictly in a non- prison-movie type of way. Yeah -- we'll see. -What've you got for me? I've retrieved certain pieces of information on Miss Katarina Stratford I think you'll find helpful. -"Okay -- Likes: Thai food, feminist prose, and ""angry, stinky girl music of the indie-rock persuasion""." So what does that give me? I'm supposed to buy her some noodles and a book and sit around listening to chicks who can't play their instruments? -Gigglepuss is playing there tomorrow night. Don't make me do it, man -Cameron, I'm a little busy It's off. The whole thing. -What 're you talking about? She's partial to Joey, not me -Cameron -- do you like the girl? Sure -Sure Then, go get her -What'd you do to her? I don ' t know. I decided not to nail her when she was too drunk to remember it. -She hates you with the fire of a thousand suns . That's a direct quote She just needs time to cool off I'll give it a day. -You makin' any headway? She kissed me. -She kissed me. Where? -What's the worst? You get the girl. -The vintage look is over, Kat. Haven't you been reading your Sassy? Yeah, and I noticed the only part of you featured in your big Kmart spread was your elbow. Tough break. -Yeah, and I noticed the only part of you featured in your big Kmart spread was your elbow. Tough break. They're running the rest of me next month. -Hey -- do you mind? Not at all -Where ya goin? Away. -Away. Your sister here? -Leave my sister alone. And why would I do that? -Yeah What do you think? -Two legs, nice rack... Yeah, whatever. I want you to go out with her. -Yeah, whatever. I want you to go out with her. Sure, Sparky. I'll get right on it. -Sure, Sparky. I'll get right on it. You just said -You just said You need money to take a girl out -You need money to take a girl out But you'd go out with her if you had the cake? -You got it, Verona. I pick up the tab, you do the honors. You're gonna pay me to take out some girl? -You're gonna pay me to take out some girl? I can't date her sister until that one gets a boyfriend. And that's the catch. She doesn't want a boyfriend. -I can't date her sister until that one gets a boyfriend. And that's the catch. She doesn't want a boyfriend. How much? -I can't take a girl like that out on twenty bucks. Fine, thirty. -Take it or leave it. This isn't a negotiation. Fifty, and you've got your man. -When I shell out fifty, I expect results. I'm on it -I'm on it Watching the bitch trash my car doesn't count as a date. -Watching the bitch trash my car doesn't count as a date. I got her under control. She just acts crazed in public to keep up the image. -I just upped my price What? -What? A hundred bucks a date. -A hundred bucks a date. Forget it. -Forget it. Forget her sister, then. -It's about time. A deal's a deal. -How'd you do it? Do what? -Do what? Get her to act like a human -I don't know, Dorsey. ..the limo.-the flowers. Another hundred for the tux -- Enough with the Barbie n' Ken shit. I know. -Hey. Are you lost? -Are you lost? Nope - just came by to chat -Nope - just came by to chat We don't chat. -We don't chat. Well, actually, I thought I'd run an idea by you. You know, just to see if you're interested. -Well, actually, I thought I'd run an idea by you. You know, just to see if you're interested. We're not. -But she can't go out with you because her sister is this insane head case and no one will go out with her. right? Does this conversation have a purpose? -Does this conversation have a purpose? So what you need to do is recruit a guy who'll go out with her. Someone who's up for the job. -I hear you're helpin' Verona. Uh, yeah. We're old friend* -Uh, yeah. We're old friend* You and Verona? -You and Verona? What? We took bathes together when we were kids. -You better not fuck this up. I'm heavily invested. Hey -- it's all for the higher good right? -Who's that? Patrick Verona Random skid. -Patrick Verona Random skid. That's Pat Verona? The one who was gone for a year? I heard he was doing porn movies. -That's Pat Verona? The one who was gone for a year? I heard he was doing porn movies. I'm sure he's completely incapable of doing anything that interesting. -I'm sure he's completely incapable of doing anything that interesting. He always look so -He always look so Block E? -Mandella, eat. Starving yourself is a very slow way to die. Just a little. -What's this? An attempted slit. -I realize that the men of this fine institution are severely lacking, but killing yourself so you can be with William Shakespeare is beyond the scope of normal teenage obsessions. You're venturing far past daytime talk show fodder and entering the world of those who need very expensive therapy. But imagine the things he'd say during sex. -The people at this school are so incredibly foul. You could always go with me. I'm sure William has some friends. -So he has this huge raging fit about Sarah Lawrence and insists that I go to his male-dominated, puking frat boy, number one golf team school. I have no say at all. William would never have gone to a state school. -William would never have gone to a state school. William didn't even go to high school -William didn't even go to high school That's never been proven -That's never been proven Neither has his heterosexuality. -I appreciate your efforts toward a speedy death, but I'm consuming. Do you mind? Does it matter? -Does it matter? "If I was Bianca, it would be, ""Any school you want, precious. Don't forget your tiara.""" -You think this'll work? No fear. -What'd he say? Who cares? -You went to the party? I thought we were officially opposed to suburban social activity. I didn't have a choice. -I didn't have a choice. You didn't have a choice? Where's Kat and what have you done with her? -You didn't have a choice? Where's Kat and what have you done with her? I did Bianca a favor and it backfired. -I did Bianca a favor and it backfired. You didn't -You didn't I got drunk. I puked. I got rejected. It was big fun. -Can you even imagine? Who the hell would go to this a bastion of commercial excess? Well, I guess we're not, since we don't have dates . -Well, I guess we're not, since we don't have dates . Listen to you! You sound like Betty, all pissed off because Archie is taking Veronica. -Listen to you! You sound like Betty, all pissed off because Archie is taking Veronica. Okay, okay, we won't go. It's not like I have a dress anyway -Okay, okay, we won't go. It's not like I have a dress anyway You ' re looking at this from the wrong perspective. We're making a statement. -You ' re looking at this from the wrong perspective. We're making a statement. Oh, good. Something new and different for us. -Have you seen him? Who? -Who? William - he asked me to meet him here. -William - he asked me to meet him here. Oh, honey -- tell me we haven't' progressed to full-on hallucinations. -I mean Wo-man. How ya doin'? Sweating like a pig, actually. And yourself? -Sweating like a pig, actually. And yourself? There's a way to get a guy's attention. -There's a way to get a guy's attention. My mission in life. -Pick you up Friday, then Oh, right. Friday. -The night I take you to places you've never been before. And back. Like where? The 7-Eleven on Burnside? Do you even know my name, screwboy? -Like where? The 7-Eleven on Burnside? Do you even know my name, screwboy? I know a lot more than that -You hate me don't you? I don't really think you warrant that strong an emotion. -I don't really think you warrant that strong an emotion. Then say you'll spend Dollar Night at the track with me. -Then say you'll spend Dollar Night at the track with me. And why would I do that? -And why would I do that? Come on -- the ponies, the flat beer, you with money in your eyes, me with my hand on your ass... -Come on -- the ponies, the flat beer, you with money in your eyes, me with my hand on your ass... You -- covered in my vomit. -You -- covered in my vomit. Seven-thirty? -Are you following me? I was in the laundromat. I saw your car. Thought I'd say hi. -I was in the laundromat. I saw your car. Thought I'd say hi. Hi -You're not a big talker, are you? Depends on the topic. My fenders don't really whip me into a verbal frenzy. -Excuse me? That's what you want, isn't it? -That's what you want, isn't it? Do you mind? You're sort of ruining it for me. -You know, these guys are no Bikini Kill or The Raincoats, but they're right up there. You know who The Raincoats are? -You know who The Raincoats are? Why, don't you? -What's this? """I'm getting trashed, man."" Isn't that what you're supposed to do at a party?" -"""I'm getting trashed, man."" Isn't that what you're supposed to do at a party?" I say, do what you wanna do. -I say, do what you wanna do. Funny, you're the only one -Okay? I'm fine. I'm -You're not okay. I just need to lie down for awhile -I just need to lie down for awhile Uh, uh. You lie down and you'll go to sleep -Uh, uh. You lie down and you'll go to sleep I know, just let me sleep -I know, just let me sleep What if you have a concussion? My dog went to sleep with a concussion and woke up a vegetable. Not that I could tell the difference... -This is so patronizing. Leave it to you to use big words when you're shitfaced. -Leave it to you to use big words when you're shitfaced. Why 're you doing this? -Why 're you doing this? I told you -I told you You don't care if I die -You don't care if I die Sure, I do -Sure, I do Why? -Why? Because then I'd have to start taking out girls who like me. -Because then I'd have to start taking out girls who like me. Like you could find one -Like you could find one See that? Who needs affection when I've got blind hatred? -See that? Who needs affection when I've got blind hatred? Just let me sit down. -Why'd you let him get to you? Who? -Who? Dorsey. -Dorsey. I hate him. -I hate him. I know. It'd have to be a pretty big deal to get you to mainline tequila. You don't seem like the type. -I know. It'd have to be a pretty big deal to get you to mainline tequila. You don't seem like the type. "Hey man. . . You don ' t think I can be ""cool""? You don't think I can be ""laid back"" like everyone else?" -"Hey man. . . You don ' t think I can be ""cool""? You don't think I can be ""laid back"" like everyone else?" I thought you were above all that -I thought you were above all that You know what they say -Kat! Wake up! What? -And I'm in control of it. But it's Gigglepuss - I know you like them. I saw you there. -When you were gone last year -- where were you? Busy -Busy Were you in jail? -Were you in jail? Maybe. -Maybe. No, you weren't -No, you weren't Then why'd you ask? -Then why'd you ask? Why'd you lie? -I should do this. Do what? -Do what? This. -Start a band? My father wouldn't approve of that that -My father wouldn't approve of that that You don't strike me as the type that would ask permission. -Oh, so now you think you know me? I'm gettin' there -So what ' s up with your dad? He a pain in the ass? He just wants me to be someone I'm not. -He just wants me to be someone I'm not. Who? -Who? BIANCA -BIANCA No offense, but you're sister is without. I know everyone likes her and all, but ... -Excuse me, have you seen The Feminine Mystique? I lost my copy. What are you doing here? -What are you doing here? I heard there was a poetry reading. -I heard there was a poetry reading. You 're so -- -You 're so -- Pleasant? -Wholesome. Unwelcome. -Unwelcome. Unwelcome? I guess someone still has her panties in a twist. -Unwelcome? I guess someone still has her panties in a twist. Don't for one minute think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties. -Don't for one minute think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties. So what did I have an effect on ? -So what did I have an effect on ? Other than my upchuck reflex? Nothing. -He left! I sprung the dickhead and he cruised on me. Look up, sunshine -I guess I never told you I'm afraid of heights. C'mon. It's not that bad -C'mon. It's not that bad Try lookin' at it from this angle -Put your right foot there -- Forget it. I'm stayin'. -Forget it. I'm stayin'. You want me to climb up and show you how to get down? -You want me to climb up and show you how to get down? Maybe. -The Partridge Family? I figured it had to be something ridiculous to win your respect. And piss you off. -I figured it had to be something ridiculous to win your respect. And piss you off. Good call. -Good call. So how'd you get Chapin to look the other way? -So how'd you get Chapin to look the other way? I dazzled him with my wit -A soft side? Who knew? Yeah, well, don't let it get out -Yeah, well, don't let it get out So what's your excuse? -So what's your excuse? Acting the way we do. -Acting the way we do. Yes -Yes I don't like to do what people expect. Then they expect it all the time and they get disappointed when you change. -I don't like to do what people expect. Then they expect it all the time and they get disappointed when you change. So if you disappoint them from the start, you're covered? -So if you disappoint them from the start, you're covered? Something like that -Something like that Then you screwed up -Then you screwed up How? -How? You never disappointed me. -You up for it? For. . . ? -State trooper? Fallacy. -Fallacy. The duck? -The duck? Hearsay. -Hearsay. I know the porn career's a lie. -Tell me something true. I hate peas. -I hate peas. No -- something real. Something no one else knows. -No -- something real. Something no one else knows. You're sweet. And sexy. And completely hot for me. -You're sweet. And sexy. And completely hot for me. What? -What? No one else knows -No one else knows You're amazingly self-assured. Has anyone ever told you that? -You're amazingly self-assured. Has anyone ever told you that? Go to the prom with me -Is that a request or a command? You know what I mean -You know what I mean No. -No. No what? -No what? No, I won't go with you -No, I won't go with you Why not? -Why not? Because I don't want to. It's a stupid tradition. -Create a little drama? Start a new rumor? What? So I have to have a motive to be with you? -So I have to have a motive to be with you? You tell me. -You tell me. You need therapy. Has anyone ever told you that? -You need therapy. Has anyone ever told you that? Answer the question, Patrick -Answer the question, Patrick Nothing! There's nothing in it for me. Just the pleasure of your company. -How'd you get a tux at the last minute? It's Scurvy's. His date got convicted. Where'd you get the dress? -It's Scurvy's. His date got convicted. Where'd you get the dress? It's just something I had. You know -It's just something I had. You know Oh huh -Oh huh Look, I'm -- sorry -- that I questioned your motives. I was wrong. -My grandmother's . What? -What? That's where I was last year. She'd never lived alone -- my grandfather died -- I stayed with her. I wasn't in jail, I don't know Marilyn Manson, and I've never slept with a Spice Girl. I spent a year sitting next to my grandma on the couch watching Wheel of Fortune. End of story. -That ' s completely adorable! It gets worse -- you still have your freshman yearbook? -Wait I... You were paid to take me out! By -- the one person I truly hate. I knew it was a set-up! -You were paid to take me out! By -- the one person I truly hate. I knew it was a set-up! It wasn't like that. -It wasn't like that. Really? What was it like? A down payment now, then a bonus for sleeping with me? -Really? What was it like? A down payment now, then a bonus for sleeping with me? I didn't care about the money. -A Fender Strat. You bought this? I thought you could use it. When you start your band. -Besides, I had some extra cash. Some asshole paid me to take out a really great girl. Is that right? -Is that right? Yeah, but then I fucked up. I fell for her. -Why is my veggie burger the only burnt object on this grill? Because I like to torture you. -Because I like to torture you. Oh, Bianca? Can you get me my freshman yearbook? -Oh, Bianca? Can you get me my freshman yearbook? Don ' t you even dare. . . -I know. I thought we decided you were going to school here. At U of 0. -I thought we decided you were going to school here. At U of 0. You decided. -This from someone whose diary is devoted to favorite grooming tips? Enough! -My insurance does not cover PMS Then tell them I had a seizure. -Then tell them I had a seizure. Is this about Sarah Lawrence? You punishing me? -Is this about Sarah Lawrence? You punishing me? I thought you were punishing me. -I thought you were punishing me. Why can't we agree on this? -Why can't we agree on this? Because you're making decisions for me. -Because you're making decisions for me. As a parent, that's my right -As a parent, that's my right So what I want doesn't matter? -So what I want doesn't matter? You're eighteen. You don't know what you want. You won't know until you're forty-five and you don't have it. -You're eighteen. You don't know what you want. You won't know until you're forty-five and you don't have it. I want to go to an East Coast school! I want you to trust me to make my own choices. I want -- -Was that your sister? Yeah. She left with some bikers Big ones. Full of sperm. -Yeah. She left with some bikers Big ones. Full of sperm. Funny. -I don't understand the allure of dehydrated food. Is this something I should be hip to? No, Daddy. -No, Daddy. So tell me about this dance. Was it fun? -So tell me about this dance. Was it fun? Parts of it. -Parts of it. Which parts? -Which parts? The part where Bianca beat the hell out of some guy. -The part where Bianca beat the hell out of some guy. Bianca did what? -Bianca did what? What's the matter? Upset that I rubbed off on her? -What's the matter? Upset that I rubbed off on her? No -- impressed. -You know, fathers don't like to admit that their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still lets me play a few innings. You've had me on the bleachers for years. When you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game. When I go? -When I go? Oh, Christ. Don't tell me you've changed your mind. I already sent 'em a check. -Katarina Stratford. My, my. You've been terrorizing Ms. Blaise again. Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action. -Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action. Well, yes, compared to your other choices of expression this year, today's events are quite mild. By the way, Bobby Rictor's gonad retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested. -Well, yes, compared to your other choices of expression this year, today's events are quite mild. By the way, Bobby Rictor's gonad retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested. I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls. I was merely a spectator. -I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls. I was merely a spectator. The point is Kat -- people perceive you as somewhat ... -Tempestuous? "No ... I believe ""heinous bitch"" is the term used most often." -Am I supposed to feel better? Like, right now? Or do I have some time to think about it? Just smack her now. -Hey there. Tired of breathing? Hi. -Hi. Cool pictures. You a fan? -Cool pictures. You a fan? Yeah. I guess. -You think? Oh yeah. -Macbeth, right? Right. -Right. Kat a fan, too? -Kat a fan, too? Yeah... -Say it What? -What? Whatever the hell it is you're standin' there waitin' to say. -What plan? The situation is, my man Cameron here has a major jones for Bianca Stratford. -The situation is, my man Cameron here has a major jones for Bianca Stratford. What is it with this chick? She have three tits? -I think I speak correctly when I say that Cameron's love is pure. Purer than say -- Joey Dorsey's. Dorsey can plow whoever he wants. I'm just in this for the cash. -That's where we can help you. With Kat. So Dorsey can get the girl? -So Dorsey can get the girl? Patrick, Pat, you're not looking at the big picture. Joey's just a pawn. We set this whole thing up so Cameron can get the girl. -You two are gonna help me tame the wild beast? We're your guys. -What?! Good enough. -"Are you telling me I'm a - ""non-smoker""?" Just for now. -Ever been to Club Skunk? Yeah. -I prefer to think of it simply as an alternative to what the law allows. I'm likin' you guys better -So you got cozy with she who stings? No - I've got a sweet-payin' job that I'm about to lose. -You were right. She's still pissed. Sweet love, renew thy force! -Sweet love, renew thy force! Man -- don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you. -I missed you. It says here you exposed yourself to a group of freshmen girls. -It says here you exposed yourself to a group of freshmen girls. It was a bratwurst. I was eating lunch. -It was a bratwurst. I was eating lunch. With the teeth of your zipper? -I don't understand, Patrick. You haven't done anything asinine this week. Are you not feeling well? Touch of the flu. -Touch of the flu. I'm at a loss, then. What should we talk about? Your year of absence? -Why don't we discuss your driving need to be a hemorrhoid? What's to discuss? -What's to discuss? You weren't abused, you aren't stupid, and as far as I can tell, you're only slightly psychotic -- so why is it that you're such a fuck-up? -You weren't abused, you aren't stupid, and as far as I can tell, you're only slightly psychotic -- so why is it that you're such a fuck-up? Well, you know -- there's the prestige of the job title... and the benefits package is pretty good... -You're completely demented. See you next week! -In the microwave. Make anyone cry today? -What's a synonym for throbbing? Sarah Lawrence is on the other side of the country. -Jesus! Can a man even grab a sandwich before you women start dilating? Tumescent! -Tumescent! You're not helping. -Would you rather be ravished by a pirate or a British rear admiral? Pirate -- no question. -They'll dance, they'll kiss, they'll come home. Let her go. Kissing? Is that what you think happens? Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day. -What do you wanna watch? We've got crap, crap, crap or crap Dr. Ruth? -Have a great time, honey! But -- who -- what --? -What just happened? Your daughters went to the prom. -Your daughters went to the prom. Did I have anything to say about it? -Did I have anything to say about it? Absolutely not. -Absolutely not. That ' s what I thought -I never seen heat like this! Not even in Las Minas! The water's going putrid in the barrels. -The water's going putrid in the barrels. You'll be drinking your own piss... For the glory of Spain... and Admiral Colon...! Bastard! -What are you listening to, chicken ass? Ah, leave him alone. He's doing no harm. -Ah, leave him alone. He's doing no harm. With a face like that? I don't want you looking at me. You hear? -He's the devil's child... We'll all go crazy... -We should have seen land. We left three weeks ago, Alonso. Can't be that near. -We left three weeks ago, Alonso. Can't be that near. Can't be that far, I say. Also, I don't like the smell of the sea around here. Smells like a cunt. Bad sign... -You say Asia can be found by sailing west? Yes, your Eminence. The voyage should not take more than six or seven weeks. -Yes, your Eminence. The voyage should not take more than six or seven weeks. Unfortunately, Don Colon, that is precisely where our opinions differ... Are you familiar with the work of Aristotle? Erathostene? Ptolemeus? -Unfortunately, Don Colon, that is precisely where our opinions differ... Are you familiar with the work of Aristotle? Erathostene? Ptolemeus? I am, Your Eminence -I am, Your Eminence Then you cannot ignore that according to their calculations, the circumference of the Earth is approximately... 22,000 leagues or more. Which makes the ocean... uncrossable. -Senor Colon, an experienced captain such as yourself will understand our concern with the crew. I am not willing to have on my conscience the loss of men who would have relied upon our judgment. Excellency, you are right. -Your Eminence, there is only one way to settle the matter. And that is to make the journey. I am ready to risk my life to prove it possible. Your life, and that of others! -Your life, and that of others! If they agree to follow me, yes. -Trade, Your Excellency. According to Marco Polo, the Kingdom of China is one of the richest of the world. Even the meanest buildings are roofed with gold. Is that all that interests you? Gold? -Is that all that interests you? Gold? No. The Portuguese have already discovered black-skinned people. I, too, will find other populations -- and bring them to the word of God. -If God intended our proximity to Asia, do you believe he would have waited for you to show it to the world? Did He not choose a carpenter's son to reveal Himself to the world? -Don't you realize your words could be considered heretical? Blind faith is what I consider heresy! -Asia can be found to the west -- and I will prove it. IF-GOD-WILLS-IT! -The State has some reason to be interested in this man's proposition, Your Eminence... The Judgment is ours! -The Judgment is ours! Naturally. But I would really deplore the loss of such a potential opportunity for Spain for a... dispute over a point of geography. -He is a mercenary! Did he not already try to convince the King of Portugal of his absurd notions? Indeed. The world is full of mercenaries -- and states often make use of them, when it benefits them. My only concern is the welfare and prosperity of Spain. -It won't be easy to get rid of your prophet now, Don Sanchez. On the contrary, Your Eminence. It seems to me the man is preparing his own cross. -You can see for yourself. What a tragedy... what a waste of a life... -What a tragedy... what a waste of a life... A waste...? Let me tell you something, Arojaz. If your name, or mine, is ever remembered -- it will only be because of his. -I could be gone for years. I know. -I know. I haven't given you much of a life. -I haven't given you much of a life. Well... that's true. I have a child by a man who won't marry me! Who's always leaving... -Well... that's true. I have a child by a man who won't marry me! Who's always leaving... Are we going to argue? -Are we going to argue? I'd love to argue with you sometimes. But you're never here! -Perhaps I was never meant to live with a woman... I find that hard to believe. -She said yes. Thank God... -I'm not asking you to swear to anything. I don't want you to wait for me. -I don't want you to wait for me. That's something you can't decide. -Beatrix, I want to ask you something. You don't usually ask. -You don't usually ask. I can arrange for the Queen to take Fernando and Diego into her service. -God... you're so beautiful! I can't believe no other man has ever taken you away from me... They tried... but I didn't let them. -They took everything... Not everything... Do you think I care? I'm a free man again. Riches don't make a man rich, they only make him busier... -Can't you stay with us a little? I am busy inside. -What is it, now? Tell me... I can't keep my eyes off you. I would like to catch up with all the moments I didn't spend with you. -I understand that you will soon be appointing Governors for the islands? Is it not so? Forgive me, Don Bobadilla -- those positions have already been taken. -Forgive me, Don Bobadilla -- those positions have already been taken. May I ask by whom? -May I ask by whom? Bartolome and Giacomo Colon. -Don Alonso de Bobadilla. Yes... I remember... -My letters of appointment. Appointment to what? -Appointment to what? Viceroy of the West Indies. -Viceroy of the West Indies. Congratulations. Then I am free to search for the mainland. -How far from here? I am not a seaman. But I heard it is no more than a week at sea. I hope you are not too disappointed. -I am not a seaman. But I heard it is no more than a week at sea. I hope you are not too disappointed. How could I be? The mainland has been found. Exactly as I said it would. -How could I be? The mainland has been found. Exactly as I said it would. I am afraid this is not the worst news. -I want to go with you! There'll be a time. -There'll be a time. You promise? Do you swear on St. Christopher...? -Do you swear on all the Holy Saints in heaven? Yes... Yes, I do... On all of them! -I have to explore the mainland. This time with me! -How are you feeling, Fernando? Not bad. -Father... There must be a passage to that other ocean. -What are you listening to? I am not listening, Father. But I can't help hearing. -What does he say? He asks when he can come to visit you. He left his address. -He asks when he can come to visit you. He left his address. He never had one... except aboard my ships! -I want you to tell me everything you remember, Father. From the beginning. Everything. Really? God... I wouldn't know where to start... and yet... -Really? God... I wouldn't know where to start... and yet... Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. -No... No? -No? NO...! I have waited too long, fought too hard. Now you expect me to take all the risks while you take the profit! No... I will not be your servant! -I remind you, Senor Colon, that you are in no position to bargain with me. I'm not bargaining! -I'm not bargaining! Then you are too ambitious. -And were you never ambitious, Excellency? Or is ambition only a virtue among the nobles, a fault for the rest of us? If you won't accept our proposal, we'll simply find someone who will. -They don't see sin in their nakedness. They live according to nature, in a never ending summer. The islands are covered with trees, filled with blossoms and fruits. And... Forgive me, Don Colon. But what about gold? -You defend yourself admirably... ... for a commoner? -But we do have a lack of notaries. You should contact my administration. Don Bobadilla is already a judge, my Dear Don Cristobal. -Don Bobadilla is already a judge, my Dear Don Cristobal. Good! We are also in need of judges. Except there are no thieves! -You seem to have a special talent for making friends. What...? Do I have so many already? -What...? Do I have so many already? To rise so high, in so short a time, is a dangerous occupation. A little hypocrisy goes a long way. -All I have to do is call the guards. Call them. -I am not afraid of you. You are nothing but a dreamer. Look out of that window. -What do you see? Roofs... towers, palaces... spires... -Roofs... towers, palaces... spires... All of them created by people like me. -Say not here! Cuba! What is it? A tribe? An island? -What is it? A tribe? An island? Island. Far. -You come! You speak first! Tell the Chief we thank him. -Tell the Chief we thank him. Chief knows. -Chief knows. Tell him his country is very beautiful. Tell him we are leaving men here -- to build a fort. -Chief says -- how many? Thousands. -Thousands. Why? -To bring the word of God. Chief says -- he has a God. -Chief says -- he has a God. ... and also to bring medicine. -... and also to bring medicine. Chief says... -Chief says... He has medicine. Tell him we admire his people. -We will work with his people. We want peace. Ask the Chief if he understands? He understands. -He understands. Ask him if he will help. -You have to find them, Utapan. Look what they did! You did the same to your God! -Utapan, won't you speak to me? You used to know how to speak to me. You never learned how to speak my language. -Diego is a bright boy -- a pleasure to teach -- but so serious... Brothers should be raised together, Colon. Even brothers from different mothers... Father, I am doing what I think is the best for him. And he has the teacher I would have chosen for myself. -God... That's in a week! That's what it says. -That's what it says. How did you manage it? -How did you manage it? With some difficulty. I had to promise them you were not a total fool. -Why do you wish to sail west? To open a new route to Asia. At the moment there are only two ways of reaching it... -How can you be so certain? The Ocean is said to be infinite. Ignorance! I believe the Indies are no more than 750 leagues west of the Canary Islands. -Ignorance! I believe the Indies are no more than 750 leagues west of the Canary Islands. How can you be so certain? -How can you be so certain? The calculations of Toscanelli Marin de Tyr, Esdras... -The calculations of Toscanelli Marin de Tyr, Esdras... Esdras is a Jew. -Esdras is a Jew. So was Christ! -Two minutes... and already you're a dead man. Don't let passion overwhelm you, Colon. I'll try to remember that, Marchena... -I'll try to remember that, Marchena... Father Marchena! -Father Marchena! Passion is something one cannot control! -Passion is something one cannot control! You get so carried away when you are being contradicted! -You get so carried away when you are being contradicted! I've been contradicted all my life... Eternity! -I've been contradicted all my life... Eternity! Only God knows the meaning of such words, my son. -You mustn't give way to despair. You must wait. Wait! I've waited seven years already! How much longer do you want me to wait? -Wait! I've waited seven years already! How much longer do you want me to wait? If God intends you to go, then you will go. -If God intends you to go, then you will go. Damn God! -Colon! Damn all of you! You all set up theories based on what? You never leave the safety of your studies! Go out! Find out what the world is about and then tell me something I can listen to! -All of them! Just lies! Colon! Don't! -In Nomine Patris et Filius, et Spiritus Sancti. Forgive me, Father. For I have sinned. -I am listening, my son. Father, I have betrayed my family. I betrayed my men. And I betrayed you. -Father, I have betrayed my family. I betrayed my men. And I betrayed you. What are you saying? -What are you saying? I lied. The journey will be longer than I said. -I lied. The journey will be longer than I said. How long? -How long? I am not sure... It could be twice the distance. -May God forgive you...! You must tell them! You must tell your men! If I tell them, they won't follow me. You know that I am right, Father. You trust me... -If I tell them, they won't follow me. You know that I am right, Father. You trust me... My son, my son... Your certitudes are sometimes frightening... Christopher, you must speak to them. And if you don't I will. -My son, my son... Your certitudes are sometimes frightening... Christopher, you must speak to them. And if you don't I will. You are bound by an oath, Father. -I believed in you... Give me absolution. -I suppose we're both old men now. You'll always be older than me, Father. -I have to disagree. I knew you would. -I knew you would. New worlds create new people. -New worlds create new people. Oh? So you are a new man? -Oh? So you are a new man? I don't know... I have the impression that I didn't change that much. I still can't accept the world as it is! -I should not even be listening to you, since my council said no. But Santangel tells me you are a man of honor and sincerity... And Sanchez, that you are not a fool. No more than the woman who said she would take Granada from the Moors. -The ocean is uncrossable? What did they say about Granada before today? -What did they say about Granada before today? That she was impregnable. -I cannot ignore the verdict of my council. Surely you can do anything you want. -May I speak freely? You show no inclination to speak otherwise! -You show no inclination to speak otherwise! "I know what I see. I see someone who doesn't accept the world as it is. Who's not afraid. I see a women who thinks... ""What if?""..." -"I know what I see. I see someone who doesn't accept the world as it is. Who's not afraid. I see a women who thinks... ""What if?""..." A woman? -How old are you, Senor Colon? Thirty seven, Your Majesty... And you? -Do they have such thoughts? They come and go as naked as the day God created them... -But without your brothers. Nor are you to return to Santo Domingo or any of the other colonies. You may explore the continent. Thank you. -Thank you. There is one thing I'd like to understand... Why do you want to go back, after all this? -There is one thing I'd like to understand... Why do you want to go back, after all this? Your Majesty -- some men are content to read about things. I must see them with my own eyes. I cannot be other than I am. -And you say this is an Indian vice? By God! I don't see any kind of pleasure that would make this a sin. The Indians have no such word, Don Moxica. -We lost cousins, friends. We will wash this in blood. If you want to keep your head on your shoulders, you'll do as I say. -You want a war? Fine. We are a thousand. They outnumber us by ten! Who will you kill? Which tribe? We don't need to know. -We don't need to know. We came here to stay! To build! Not to start a crusade. In this forest, there is enough danger to sweep us away in days! So we will be brave and swallow our grief. And in the name of those who died, we will accomplish what we came for. -We can't raise the wheel without it. My horse doesn't work. -Don Moxica -- we all have to work. You did not hear me, Don Colon. Not my horse. -In one act of brutality, you have created chaos. Tribes who were fighting each other are now joining forces against us! All that because of your criminal savagery! Savagery is what monkeys understand. -Savagery is what monkeys understand. You'll be held in detention, deprived of your privileges and possessions. Until you are returned to Spain where you will be judged. Have you anything to say? -You'll be held in detention, deprived of your privileges and possessions. Until you are returned to Spain where you will be judged. Have you anything to say? You will regret this. -Due west, Captain Mendez. And may God be with us... God be with us admiral. -Well... It's the men, Sir. They wonder how you know our position. We've lost sight from land days ago... And what do you think Mendez? -And what do you think Mendez? Well, I surely know what a quadrant is! But I've never seen it used at night before. -Well, I surely know what a quadrant is! But I've never seen it used at night before. Come over here. -What do you read? Twenty eight. -What's he doing? He's drawing an isthmus... He's saying we're on an isthmus. -He's drawing an isthmus... He's saying we're on an isthmus. We can't be. -Where can I meet this man? Immediately. -You lied! You cheated! We're way past 750 leagues! Six days ago, yes. -Six days ago, yes. You must be mad...! -You must be mad...! We have to keep the hopes of these men alive! -We have to keep the hopes of these men alive! We're on the verge of a mutiny, Colon! -We're on the verge of a mutiny, Colon! You think I don't know that? -You think I don't know that? We're lost! -We're lost! The land is there. I know it! -The land is there. I know it! You don't know anything! Listen Colon, these are my ships, right? So I'm telling you we're turning back! -You don't know anything! Listen Colon, these are my ships, right? So I'm telling you we're turning back! And then what? Half of the water has gone, the rest is nearly putrid! You know that! -And then what? Half of the water has gone, the rest is nearly putrid! You know that! Jesus Maria! I should have never listened to you! -Jesus Maria! I should have never listened to you! You never did. You did all the talking for both of us, remember? -You never did. You did all the talking for both of us, remember? You bloody... -You bloody... Pinzon, Pinzon... All we can do now is go forward! Think about that! -Pinzon, Pinzon... All we can do now is go forward! Think about that! You tell that to them! -You tell that to them! You're right. Let the men decide. -Is that the man I knew, Treasurer Sanchez? Yes, Your Majesty. -You were right, Don Sanchez... His demands could never be granted. Never, Your Majesty. Although... -... Into a monk... Yes. It would be a pity, wouldn't it? Call him back! -Every ship returns with a cargo of sick and dying. But with no gold! The new world proves expensive, Your Majesty. We weren't expecting immediate profits, were we? We must have faith. We must give time for time. -... But there is worse. He ordered the execution of five members of the nobility... Is this true, Brother Buyl? -Then, what do you suggest, Don Sanchez? He must be replaced. -He must be replaced. And who would you think of, for such a task? -I know, I should not tolerate his impertinence. Then why? -Then why? Because he is not afraid of me. -Are you my attorney? I'm Emil. I'm insane. I'm not your lawyer until I see the money. -I'm not your lawyer until I see the money. Here. I have your money. -Oh no! No! Shit! Emil. Take it easy. Stay with me. Sit down. What do you need? What are you looking for? -Emil. Take it easy. Stay with me. Sit down. What do you need? What are you looking for? He has the camera! He took the movie! -Don't say anything. Where are we going? -Where are we going? I'm coming with you. -I'm coming with you. Yes. Yes, come with me! -Yes. Yes, come with me! I'm invoking rights - this man is represented by counsel. I'm coming with him. -I brought you some letters. It's really fan mail. Women mostly. One wants to buy you clothes, another sent a check. Another wants a check. You bring the cigarettes? -You bring the cigarettes? Oh, sure. -...delusions and paranoia. I was all of these. -I was all of these. Well, you didn't appreciate the severity of it until recently. No question about that. -Well, you didn't appreciate the severity of it until recently. No question about that. What about Oleg? -What about Oleg? Disappeared. They're looking everywhere. Maybe he went back to Czechoslovakia. -Disappeared. They're looking everywhere. Maybe he went back to Czechoslovakia. No, he is here. Shit... -No, he is here. Shit... Don't worry about him. Think about yourself. -Don't worry about him. Think about yourself. What about my movie rights? Book rights? -What about my movie rights? Book rights? Look, I haven't really focused on that kind of thing. -Look, I haven't really focused on that kind of thing. What's your cut? How much? -What's your cut? How much? I would say...half. Half is fair. -I would say...half. Half is fair. No. No way. -No. No way. But it's... -But it's... Thirty-percent. No more. Or I call another lawyer. This is the biggest case of your life. Don't try to negotiate. Thirty percent. Say yes or no. -Thirty-percent. No more. Or I call another lawyer. This is the biggest case of your life. Don't try to negotiate. Thirty percent. Say yes or no. This is not about money, Emil. I need your trust in me. -This is not about money, Emil. I need your trust in me. What else do you need? -What else do you need? I need to know about your background. I need to know about your upbringing. Why you're here. -I need to know about your background. I need to know about your upbringing. Why you're here. Give me another one, please. -Tell me about yourself. What you did as a young boy... what your parents were like. My father always degraded me. Killed my self-esteem. And my mother was blind. -My father always degraded me. Killed my self-esteem. And my mother was blind. Your mother was blind? -Your mother was blind? Yeah, she went blind giving birth to me. She went to fucking black market doctor to induce me. -Yeah, she went blind giving birth to me. She went to fucking black market doctor to induce me. Back in the Czech Republic? -Back in the Czech Republic? Yeah, yeah...bad doctor gave her bad drugs which made her go blind. And my father blamed me for her blindness... -Yeah, yeah...bad doctor gave her bad drugs which made her go blind. And my father blamed me for her blindness... Your father blamed you for your mother's blindness? -Your father blamed you for your mother's blindness? Yeah, he hated me from day when I was born. Put it out. Can you put the cigarette out? -That's what he did to me. He put cigarettes out on me. Your father put cigarettes out on you? -Your father put cigarettes out on you? Out on my back when I was a small boy. -Out on my back when I was a small boy. Can I see your back? -I'm abused. Don't you think? I don't think it's abuse, I think it's torture. -...so we kill someone famous and if we are caught, we are sent to mental hospital... Officers, there's your killer, do your duty, arrest him! -...my little sister and I shared a flat - I came home one night and a man was raping her. His gun was on the chair... He came at me and I shot him. Alright. That's a justifiable homicide. -Alright. That's a justifiable homicide. Yes, but he was a cop. -Now I become custody of police department? If you cooperate with the DA - maybe they'll help you with your situation. -If you cooperate with the DA - maybe they'll help you with your situation. I will if they don't send me back. -I will if they don't send me back. They won't until this is over. -Are you married? Divorced. -Divorced. Do you live alone? I've been in these clothes since...the killings. Could we stop at your place? I could take a shower...before I go into custody? -I can't take you to my place. Somewhere else? -The men are out of quarters - practicing putting out fires. So...the station is empty? -So...the station is empty? Yeah. This way. -You considered becoming a prostitute? Yes, I considered it. -Yes, I considered it. Did you ever turn tricks before? -Did you ever turn tricks before? No. -No. What about back home? -What about back home? No. -I came here. I had no money. I knew no one. I couldn't get a job because you have to have a green card to get work. They approached me - I could've made a lot of money. I considered it, but... it's not who I am. They pay me below the table at Ludwig's. So you were never a prostitute? -So you were never a prostitute? What are you asking me? -What are you asking me? I'm just trying to find out who you are. -I'm not a whore. I'm not a whore. I know. -I know. You don't know. I'm sorry. I was desperate. That's not me. I shot a cop. Can you imagine what they'll do to me when I got to prison? -You don't know. I'm sorry. I was desperate. That's not me. I shot a cop. Can you imagine what they'll do to me when I got to prison? They're not gonna send you right back. -They're not gonna send you right back. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...I'm glad. Actually I'm glad it's over. All this time. Hiding. Never being able to look anyone in the eyes. Always afraid that someone would find out who I was. Never trusting anyone... -Are you alright? I still can't believe Eddie's gone. -I still can't believe Eddie's gone. I'm sorry. -Is he your boyfriend? Ludwig? He's gay - are you jealous? -Ludwig? He's gay - are you jealous? If I was your boyfriend, I might be. -If I was your boyfriend, I might be. If you were my boyfriend, I'd suggest you find another girlfriend that isn't going to jail ten-thousand miles away. -A good Immigration lawyer could stall the process. Eddie recommended one. No matter what happens...I'm glad I met you. -No matter what happens...I'm glad I met you. I'm glad I met you. -You better get packed. Right. -Do you have coffee? In the kitchen. -In the kitchen. I'll make some for us. -I'll make some for us. I'll get my clothes. -What are you doing? Pouring it out! -Forget about me. You have enough problems of your own. ...Do you really want me to forget about you? -...Do you really want me to forget about you? I don't want to drag you down with me. -I don't want to drag you down with me. Daphne, I... -I told your partner, I can't help. I didn't see anything. C'mon, start at the beginning. You know these people? -C'mon, start at the beginning. You know these people? Tamina was a friend of mine. My shower was broken, she let me use theirs. -Tamina was a friend of mine. My shower was broken, she let me use theirs. Go on. -Whether you tell us or not, we'll find out. Better if it comes from you. If I tell you, will you arrest me? -If I tell you, will you arrest me? Arrest you for what? Why would we arrest you? -Are you here illegally? Don't worry about that. We'll talk to Immigration. They won't deport you. No, no, don't talk to Immigration! -A cop? I'm from a small town in Slovakia. Like the South here. The Police is right, a civilian is wrong. So I fled. -I'm from a small town in Slovakia. Like the South here. The Police is right, a civilian is wrong. So I fled. Look, we can help you but right now we have to deal with what's happening here. Tell us the truth...is that the truth? -Look, we can help you but right now we have to deal with what's happening here. Tell us the truth...is that the truth? You're a cop - you'll never believe me. -Oh. It was my decision, not his. -It was my decision, not his. Well, I'm the Deputy Chief Fire Marshall and every now and then I'd like to be included in decisions. -Well, I'm the Deputy Chief Fire Marshall and every now and then I'd like to be included in decisions. Look, after Jordy briefs me, you can do the press conference. How about that? The case is all yours. -Look, after Jordy briefs me, you can do the press conference. How about that? The case is all yours. Oh yeah...? Alright. -Oh yeah...? Alright. I'm ready to be briefed. Excuse us. -I'm ready to be briefed. Excuse us. Yeah, sure. Beep me when you're ready for the press conference. -Who did cause and origin? Who do you think, Chief?! -Who do you think, Chief?! Then why didn't you talk to the reporter? -Then why didn't you talk to the reporter? 'Cause we got more important things to do, like finding out who did it. -Hey, Chief, what are you doing here? I came to see how the investigation was going. I called and you're not here. I wait up at the station and you don't even show up!!! I beep you - you don't return my call. Where the hell have you been?! -Ladder 20 was on the Rock for training. We stopped there... so she could get cleaned up. What do you mean, 'cleaned up?' -What do you mean, 'cleaned up?' I let her take a shower. -I let her take a shower. A shower!? Did you take one, too? -A shower!? Did you take one, too? No! Nothing happened. -No! Nothing happened. Oh really. That's nice. You took a homicide witness to take a shower after your partner was shot? Are you out of your fucking mind?? Are you having that much trouble gettin' dates?! -Chief - mind if I take her? Okay. But not water sports. -The public doesn't have any idea what we do and now you're going to define our image! This is going to be our Rodney King! What was I supposed to do? The guy tried to mug me. I was gonna send a cop back - I just forgot. -What was I supposed to do? The guy tried to mug me. I was gonna send a cop back - I just forgot. Forgot? You handcuffed a civilian to a tree?! -Forgot? You handcuffed a civilian to a tree?! Chief - I know I screwed up - but this guy was no innocent civilian. -Chief - I know I screwed up - but this guy was no innocent civilian. Well this is gonna end your career and probably mine. -Well this is gonna end your career and probably mine. End my career? -End my career? How are you going to fight this? Maybe if Oleg hadn't gotten away and you'd been on the front page, as a hero, this thing would be easier to fight. You'd have the good to weight against the bad! It's unfortunate that I have to make decisions based upon your press coverage but there's nothing I can do! Gimme your shield. -How are you going to fight this? Maybe if Oleg hadn't gotten away and you'd been on the front page, as a hero, this thing would be easier to fight. You'd have the good to weight against the bad! It's unfortunate that I have to make decisions based upon your press coverage but there's nothing I can do! Gimme your shield. But Chief? Over this?? -But Chief? Over this?? There's nothing to talk about. Get a good lawyer. You're suspended until your trial. -Don't you guys understand? It's all about image. The better we look the more money I get to pay you guys overtime. Yeah, right. -Yeah, right. What was that, Korfin? -What was that, Korfin? I said, yeah, you're right, Chief. As soon as we get somethin' we'll let you alert the media. -I said, yeah, you're right, Chief. As soon as we get somethin' we'll let you alert the media. You do that, wiseguy. Now let's solve this thing before Eddie Flemming does. -Did the D.A. videotape her deposition? Yeah. He finished awhile ago. -Yeah. He finished awhile ago. Alright. Swing by her apartment. Let her pick up her clothes and take her straight to Hoover Street. You got that? -Alright. Swing by her apartment. Let her pick up her clothes and take her straight to Hoover Street. You got that? Yeah. -Coffee for me, I gotta slow down. Vodka tonic. -Vodka tonic. Maybe you could just put in a shot of Martell? -It was freaky, I'll tell you. Stupid kid. What's the kid gonna say - sorry? Meanwhile I'm not here anymore. Like last week - we were at the morgue and this guy was all chopped up - spleen here - liver there - his heart in a pan. Six hours ago this guy was walkin' his dog or buyin' a quart of milk. Who knows? But some kid's robbed him for $3 or some shit and shot him and now you can't tell if he's a piece of beef or a human being and I'm thinkin' that's me. Sooner or later. That's me. -I'm gonna propose. When? -When? Tomorrow. At lunch. -Tomorrow. At lunch. You ready? -What's he looking for? A timer. -Where is she? Takin' a bath. -Takin' a bath. Any I.D.? -Any I.D.? Still unknown but we're running prints. Kid over there caught the case. -Sorry...PD only. It's okay. -Only one guys checked in? Yeah. -Yeah. C'mere. You wanna go to homicide school? Here - make yourself useful. -The other side of the street. The guy with the videocamera. Don't look - put her in the car. Stay this side. Stay with her. -Are you hit? No. I'm okay. -He got my gun! Motherfucker was filming the whole time! I know. Relax. Take it easy. Don't worry, we'll get those fuckers. -Who's there? Police. We'd like to ask you a few questions. -Police. We'd like to ask you a few questions. I have nothin' to say. If you wanna contact my attorney... -I have nothin' to say. If you wanna contact my attorney... Homicide, Miss Hearn. It's Detective Eddie Flemming. Open up. -What's wrong? We don't have her I.D. yet, but one of your girls was killed last night at the King Edward Hotel. -We don't have her I.D. yet, but one of your girls was killed last night at the King Edward Hotel. Oh my G-d. Honey! Honey's dead? -Yeah. He wanted a girl from Czechoslovakia, but I sent him Honey 'cause once they get there, you know, it doesn't really matter - Honey was killed...? Poor girl... Do you have any Czech girls working for you? -Do you have any Czech girls working for you? No. -No. Did you tell him you did? -Boy, she's so popular all the sudden. What are you saying? -What are you saying? Daphne. Another guy came in asking me about her, too. -He said he was her cousin. I told him where she works. They were just here. Describe him. -Describe him. Tall, short-haired, scary eyes. Second guy with him was...shorter, with a wrestler's build. And he wouldn't turn his videocamera off me. -Tall, short-haired, scary eyes. Second guy with him was...shorter, with a wrestler's build. And he wouldn't turn his videocamera off me. He had a videocamera? Where is she? Quickly! -He had a videocamera? Where is she? Quickly! She washes hair up at Ludwig's - a salon on 63rd and Madison. -Hey, that's great you guys got it all wrapped up, but you don't mind if we go through the routine? It gives us somethin' to do. No, we don't mind. You mind Leon? -You know what that is, right? No, what is it? -No, what is it? Why don't you explain it, Bobby. Hey Camello! You mind punching a hole in the floor? -It's your crime scene now. You can do what you want. Watch the news? -Watch the news? Nah, I musta missed it. -Nah, I musta missed it. Well, just so you know. I gave you guys the credit. -Well, just so you know. I gave you guys the credit. Well, just so you know, I don't care about that stuff. -Well, just so you know, I don't care about that stuff. Nah, why should you? -Nah, why should you? I don't even watch TV. -I don't even watch TV. Good. Good. Commendable. -Did you get a report from the M.E.? Sure. But I would like to ask you something. You got a problem with me? -Sure. But I would like to ask you something. You got a problem with me? If you found me steppin' on your crime scene - it might piss you off, too. What about the report? -If you found me steppin' on your crime scene - it might piss you off, too. What about the report? You were right, they were both dead before the fire. The male was stabbed so hard the killer broke off the tip of the knife in his spine. That's usually an indicator of something personal. -The Super said he'd seen her before but she didn't live here. Pretty. -Pretty. Hmmmm. -Hmmmm. Maybe you don't care about that either. Prettiest suspect I've had in awhile. -Maybe you don't care about that either. Prettiest suspect I've had in awhile. Who says she's a suspect? -What would you call her? Look, I'm not even sure she has anything to do with this. I saw her outside after the fire - thought it was a lead. Maybe she saw something. Maybe she was visiting somebody here. Who knows? -Maybe it's a ritual thing or someone trying to send a message. Burial rites are taken very seriously in Eastern Europe. It could be to humiliate them. Just burning them up, no proper funeral, it's like condemning them to hell. Eastern Europe. Like what? Romania? Hungary? -Eastern Europe. Like what? Romania? Hungary? Or Czechoslovakia. The Slavs have been fighting the Germans and the Russians for a thousand years. These are very intense people and they take things personally. -I'll come with you. There wasn't a fire. There'll be nothing for you to do. -There wasn't a fire. There'll be nothing for you to do. I can watch you, Eddie. Maybe I'll learn something. -I can watch you, Eddie. Maybe I'll learn something. This isn't homicide school. -This isn't homicide school. My parents are from Poland. I can help with the Eastern European angle. -My parents are from Poland. I can help with the Eastern European angle. You're Polish? -You're Polish? My folks are. -My folks are. Stay here. -You goin' to the escort service? You got any better ideas? -You got any better ideas? Mind if I ride along with you? -Mind if I ride along with you? This has nothing to do with your fire. -This has nothing to do with your fire. But what if it does? You might need my help. -I'll let you know what happens. This is ridiculous. I'm not gonna be in your way - we can talk the case over. -This is ridiculous. I'm not gonna be in your way - we can talk the case over. Tell you what - I'll flip you a coin. If you win you can come with me. If you don't win, you don't come. -Tell you what - I'll flip you a coin. If you win you can come with me. If you don't win, you don't come. I'll call it... tails. -Two heads. Better than one. -Leon - meet us at 63rd and Madison. Hair salon. Ludwig's. I'm on my way with Eddie. Ludwig's. 63rd and Madison. The suspects might be there already. -You thirsty? I'm on duty. -I'm on duty. So am I. Alright, I'll go inside and you cover the back. -So am I. Alright, I'll go inside and you cover the back. Of course. -Of course. Hey! I always wanted to be a cop when I was a kid. I dreamed of running up to a door, kicking it in, pulling my gun and yelling 'Freeze!' at the bad guy! What'd you dream about? -Hey! I always wanted to be a cop when I was a kid. I dreamed of running up to a door, kicking it in, pulling my gun and yelling 'Freeze!' at the bad guy! What'd you dream about? I wanted to run up to a building on fire, kick in the door, rush into the smoke and save a kid. -I wanted to run up to a building on fire, kick in the door, rush into the smoke and save a kid. Then I guess we're doin' this the right way, aren't we? If we pull up to a burning building I'll gladly let you go first. -What are you hiding? Why are you afraid She just saw two of her friends killed! They probably threatened her. -She just saw two of her friends killed! They probably threatened her. Is that all there is? -Why not? Something back home? -She's fucked. Even if that story is true. Raw deal. -Look - let me talk to her. Any leads I get, they're all yours. Just let me have a first crack at her. You wanna talk to her alone? -You wanna talk to her alone? Yeah. -Yeah. What would your girlfriend think of that? -What would your girlfriend think of that? I don't have a girlfriend. -I don't have a girlfriend. My point exactly. -My point exactly. I'm serious here. -I'm serious here. So am I. -So am I. C'mon. You intimidate her 'cause you're a celebrity. She sees me differently. -C'mon. You intimidate her 'cause you're a celebrity. She sees me differently. You're her Savior? Is she the kid you're gonna save from the burning building? -You're her Savior? Is she the kid you're gonna save from the burning building? You know what I'm saying here. -Okay, tell you what, I'll give you a head start. You take her to the station house. Don't let her out of your sight. She's the only warm body we got left. Hey. I'm a professional. -Hey. I'm a professional. Women like that have a way of turning professionals into amateurs. -Look, Eddie, I'm tellin' you - I didn't touch her. Well, you shoulda because nobody's gonna believe you didn't...including me. -Well, you shoulda because nobody's gonna believe you didn't...including me. I took her there for a shower and that's it. -I took her there for a shower and that's it. Just a shower? -Yeah, just her in the shower. Nothing happened. Look, I'm sure you probably think I'm a fool and I fucked up, but... No, I don't think you were a fool, I just think you were stupid about it. I mean, to say the least, you outta know better. You don't know her well enough. She's got the potential to fucking hang you even if she suggests that you made a pass at her, it's fuckin' over. You can deny it all you want, but it will not make one fucking bit of difference. You're dead. -No, I don't think you were a fool, I just think you were stupid about it. I mean, to say the least, you outta know better. You don't know her well enough. She's got the potential to fucking hang you even if she suggests that you made a pass at her, it's fuckin' over. You can deny it all you want, but it will not make one fucking bit of difference. You're dead. I told you, you know, I thought I was doing the right thing, you know, I think she's innocent. -I told you, you know, I thought I was doing the right thing, you know, I think she's innocent. Well, it's not up to you to decide whether she's innocent or not. Don't you understand, that's why you're a professional. -Well, it's not up to you to decide whether she's innocent or not. Don't you understand, that's why you're a professional. But, I mean, didn't you ever go out on a limb for somebody? I mean, you shoulda heard her there. Tellin' her whole story...I believed her. -But, I mean, didn't you ever go out on a limb for somebody? I mean, you shoulda heard her there. Tellin' her whole story...I believed her. How you go out on a limb for somebody is by giving her a number of an Immigration lawyer. Here, here's a number of an Immigration lawyer. That's how you help her. But you can't get involved in her like that. You're gonna jeopardize your career, your life and you're gonna jeopardize my case. And lemme give you another piece of advice. Maybe you don't watch TV but I'll let you in on a little secret - the whole fuckin' world watches television. And when you get out there, they know your face. And the little fame, the little fuckin' itty bitty fame that I get in this city makes it a lot easier for my job. And I get more done because of it. -Why'd you help me back there with the Chief? Why'd you stand up for me like that? You know, I don't know. I like you. You remind me of a puppy I used to have. He pissed on the rug all the time, but I still kept him. -So...who's Nicky? What do you want? -What do you want? Your opinion. You see, they going to make a movie about me, too, Eddie. And write books. -Your opinion. You see, they going to make a movie about me, too, Eddie. And write books. What's your accomplishment. -What's your accomplishment. I kill someone famous. -I kill someone famous. Then do it, asshole. -Then do it, asshole. Good - be tough to the end. Actor who plays you will want to die like hero. -So tabloids don't have to do re enactments. They going to have real movie this time. If you kill me and film it you're putting a noose around your neck. -You really think you'll be able to fool a jury with this bullshit? How fuckin' stupid are you? Smarter than Americans. You're fed cry baby talk shows all day long. Not only will Americans believe me, they'll cry for me. So...Detective Eddie Flemming, would you like to say goodbye to your Nicolette? Maybe you can propose to her now? -Detective, does it look like a murder? We don't know that yet. It's much too early. There's a lot to be done. -We don't know that yet. It's much too early. There's a lot to be done. How many victims are up there? -How many victims are up there? There are two bodies found at this point. -There are two bodies found at this point. Can we go up to the crime scene? -Can we go up to the crime scene? You know you can't do that. C'mon. -You know you can't do that. C'mon. Is it drug related? -Is it drug related? We don't know. When I have more I'll let you know. -Detective - can you tell us what happened here? I can't talk right now. We have some things to take care of. -I understand, but I noticed that the Fire Marshall is here with you. Is this somehow related to the fire department? I really can't give out any information right now at this point. -I really can't give out any information right now at this point. Okay. But I do understand that your partner, Leon Jackson's been injured. Is that correct? -Okay. But I do understand that your partner, Leon Jackson's been injured. Is that correct? He was hurt, but not seriously. He'll be fine. -He was hurt, but not seriously. He'll be fine. Do you have the suspect in custody? -Do you have the suspect in custody? Um...now is not a good time, okay. Detective Jackson's hurt. He's fine. I've got a Fire Marshall shot, Detective Jackson is hurt but not seriously. -Um...now is not a good time, okay. Detective Jackson's hurt. He's fine. I've got a Fire Marshall shot, Detective Jackson is hurt but not seriously. Alright, cut, cut, cut. -Eddie, are you okay? Yeah. Now's not a good time. -Yeah. Now's not a good time. Alright. -Alright. Alright? -Alright? Alright. -Alright. Alright. -Alright. Okay. -Hey, honey. Hey. -What is your problem? Why'd you snap at me? I just wanted a statement. I can't...I can't answer you just because you want me to answer you! -I can't...I can't answer you just because you want me to answer you! You didn't have to embarrass me in front of my colleagues. You could give me something. -You didn't have to embarrass me in front of my colleagues. You could give me something. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I embarrass you, sweetheart? Oh... -Oh, I'm sorry. Did I embarrass you, sweetheart? Oh... Stop it. -Stop it. Maybe I should just, ya know...turn to the cameras and say, do you mind if we just work something out? -Maybe I should just, ya know...turn to the cameras and say, do you mind if we just work something out? Alright, alright, Eddie. Don't patronize me. -Alright, alright, Eddie. Don't patronize me. I'm not. -I'm not. Yes you are. I'm not just some reporter. I don't just stick a microphone in your face. You could give me something. -Yes you are. I'm not just some reporter. I don't just stick a microphone in your face. You could give me something. Yeah, well you took the camera and put it right down on the evidence. That was... -Yeah, well you took the camera and put it right down on the evidence. That was... That was good. You were holding the evidence. -That was good. You were holding the evidence. You were merciless. You didn't give a shit if you got me or not. -You were merciless. You didn't give a shit if you got me or not. Well, who was it that taught me how to do that? Huh? -Well, who was it that taught me how to do that? Huh? You're ruthless. -You're ruthless. You're not so bad yourself. -Look at this. You have blood on your shirt. Whose is it? Could be Leon's. -Could be Leon's. Jesus. And last week you came over with blood on your shoes. What am I going to do with you? -Don't worry about the damn phone. I won't answer it. Answer the phone. -Answer the phone. No. Tell me what you want to say. -No. Tell me what you want to say. Answer it. -Answer it. Okay. Okay. Hold that thought just for a second. They only call me when it's an emergency. Just hold that thought. Can you call back? -Oh my G-d, they want me to anchor. They want me to anchor tonight! That's good. -That's good. Yeah. -Yeah. Well, that's great. -Well, that's great. Okay. That is great. But I can't go now, we're in the middle of something here. -Okay. That is great. But I can't go now, we're in the middle of something here. No. Go ahead. You're gonna be great. -No. Go ahead. You're gonna be great. No. No, listen to me here. I want to know what you're talking about. You know, the shoe thing and the marriages and... -No. No, listen to me here. I want to know what you're talking about. You know, the shoe thing and the marriages and... I'll tell you tonight. Let's do it tonight. As soon as you get back we'll talk. We'll talk. -I'll tell you tonight. Let's do it tonight. As soon as you get back we'll talk. We'll talk. Promise? -Promise? I promise. We'll talk. You'll be great. You'll be fine. Go ahead, just imagine that, uh... Just look into the lens and imagine you're talking to me. -I promise. We'll talk. You'll be great. You'll be fine. Go ahead, just imagine that, uh... Just look into the lens and imagine you're talking to me. Yeah. I'll do that. As long as you're not patronizing me. -Yeah. I'll do that. As long as you're not patronizing me. Patronizing you... Nay, I love you. -Patronizing you... Nay, I love you. I love you. -Okay, til tonight. Tonight. -Tonight. You promise? -You promise? Yeah. I promise. -Yeah. I promise. Okay. And you know what, I'll swing by my place, grab a couple pairs of shoes and maybe just test them out next to yours...How's that... Would that be a good thing. -Okay. And you know what, I'll swing by my place, grab a couple pairs of shoes and maybe just test them out next to yours...How's that... Would that be a good thing. Yeah, yeah. Good thing. -Yeah, yeah. Good thing. Okay. -Okay. See you later. Good luck. -See you later. Good luck. Thank you. -Thank you. Don't be late. -So we're waitin' to hit this warrant - we got Emergency Service with the heavy weapons standin' by - ready to go. I say, lemme get a cigar outta the car. I go to get the cigar and BOOM! All the sudden I turn around and a kid with a shotgun let one go. Right where I was standin'. That coulda been it. I coulda had my head blown off and for what? Some stupid kid got panicky, takes the safety off and it's over. If I hadn't gone back for that cigar - for a bad habit - I would've had my head blown off. Jesus Christ. -Sooner or later that's everybody. Not chopped up. Not chopped up like that. I mean, what do I got left? Coupla articles. A medal or two. Plaque here and there and in a coupla years no one remembers me anymore. -Not chopped up. Not chopped up like that. I mean, what do I got left? Coupla articles. A medal or two. Plaque here and there and in a coupla years no one remembers me anymore. I think you're getting a little moody there, Eddie. -I think you're getting a little moody there, Eddie. I'm not moody. -How old are your kids? My kids? Let's see...Susan's 15. Aundrea's 9. Don't tell me you're thinking about having a kid! How old are you? Never mind. Let me just tell you this: Every stupid cliche you hear about kids - they change your life, they make you a better person, they make you whole... It's all true! Before I had kids when friends talked about their kids, I wanted to vomit. Now -- I get it. Am I right, Leon? -So what's unique? Not what. Who. -He's from Antigua. His girlfriend was taking too long to put her make-up on. they were late for a party. Stabbed her with a beer bottle. That's unique. -That's unique. Yeah. And he still went to the party. -I hope this prick doesn't run. My knees are killing me. Stay behind me. You're worried for my safety. I'm touched. -Ready? Keep them out of my way. -Keep them out of my way. Okay. You ready? -Okay. You ready? Yeah, yeah. Jesus. -Any chance we can do that again? Again? I didn't wanna do it the first time. -Okay. You work in a vodka factory. I understand that. And what kind of work do you do? I am butcher. -I am butcher. You're a butcher? What do you use pig intestines for? -You're a butcher? What do you use pig intestines for? You stuff sausage in it. -You stuff sausage in it. And what do you do with the bones? -And what do you do with the bones? Dog food. -Are you married? No. Are you proposing? -Come to 45 Broadway. Don't bring the Police. Come alone or you'll be in my next film. Look asshole. I've been threatened by better than you. -Look asshole. I've been threatened by better than you. No. I'm the best that's ever threatened you. -No. I'm the best that's ever threatened you. I'll meet you on one condition - I get exclusivity and you surrender to me. -I'll meet you on one condition - I get exclusivity and you surrender to me. We'll talk about that. Four o'clock gives you time to go to bank. Three hundred thousand dollars. -We'll talk about that. Four o'clock gives you time to go to bank. Three hundred thousand dollars. What? It doesn't work that way. -What? It doesn't work that way. If you don't want my film - I'll call another show. And they will show it. -If you don't want my film - I'll call another show. And they will show it. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. -Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Come alone. Bring cash. And we'll talk about surrendering. -Were you a fireman? That how you knew how to rig the apartment? My father was. He gave me many lessons about fire. Now it's my friend. -My father was. He gave me many lessons about fire. Now it's my friend. Tommy, take a walk. -You can't kill me. You're not a cop. Just fireman with a gun. I bet you never shot anybody in your life. You'll be my first. -C'mon. Pull the trigger. Do it. Oh, look, you're sweating. You don't have the balls. Get down on your knees. -Where's your partner? The Sheraton! On Broadway! Room 210. Go get Oleg. He'll kill you. -Tell him to put his gun down! Let her go! Let her go!! -Let her go! Let her go!! If he doesn't lower his gun I'll fucking kill her. -Hi, I'm Honey. Where's Czech girl? -Where's Czech girl? Baby, I'm anybody you want me to be. I'm a little schoolgirl, I'm mommy, I'm a Czech girl. -Now I like to get business out of the way before we get down to pleasure. Why don'tchya put my money on the dresser. I ordered a Czech girl. Daphne, you know her? -It's an outcall service run out of an apartment. I don't meet the other girls. Aren't you gonna get undressed? Where is escort service? -Where is escort service? That's confidential. Could you put the money on the dresser? -That's confidential. Could you put the money on the dresser? I like to talk to the person who runs the service. Can you give me address? -I like to talk to the person who runs the service. Can you give me address? Look. Do we have a problem here? There's no reason to have a problem. I'm gonna make you feel real good. You wanna Czech girl? After I'm done with you, you won't miss her. Now why don't you pay me? -Listen to me. I don't want sex. Just give me the address and then you go. Look, man, I don't give a shit if you want sex or not, but you're payin' for my time. -Give me the address!! Alright, alright - don't hurt me! Please, it's in my book, in my purse! -Next. Could I see your documents, please? Yes sir. -What is your intended purpose of your visit to the United States? Two weeks holiday. -Two weeks holiday. How much money are you carrying with you? -How much money are you carrying with you? I have five-hundred dollars. -I have five-hundred dollars. Can you show me? Sir, no cameras in the FIS area! -Is he with you? Are you travelling together? Yes. -Yes. Please join us. Come on forward. -Please join us. Come on forward. Is there a problem? -Is there a problem? No, you're travelling together. I want to talk to you together. Hi, how are you? Can I take a look at your documents? Are you related? -We are both from Prague. How long are you planning to stay? -How long are you planning to stay? Two weeks. -Two weeks. I'd like to speak for himself, okay? -I'd like to speak for himself, okay? He doesn't speak English. -Who is he? New York's finest. This is his case. -This all you want? Do you know how much killer gets for movie rights? -Do you know how much killer gets for movie rights? In here, says he wants a million. -In here, says he wants a million. Million?! The killer gets one million dollars for a television interview? -Million?! The killer gets one million dollars for a television interview? Hey, tabloids paid Ted Bundy - famous serial killer - half a million for his interview. And how much you think Monica got for writing book about the President coming on to her? It pays to be a killer or a whore in this country. Look, you want magazine or not? -Hey, tabloids paid Ted Bundy - famous serial killer - half a million for his interview. And how much you think Monica got for writing book about the President coming on to her? It pays to be a killer or a whore in this country. Look, you want magazine or not? Yes. Both. -Just do what I do. Say the same thing I say. Don't open your mouth. Okay. -Don't fool around. Okay. -Did you hear what I said? I want to document my trip to America. -Look. Times Square. Just like in the movies! Don't speak Russian! -Don't speak Russian! Why? Why do I always have to speak to you in Czech? -Why? Why do I always have to speak to you in Czech? Because I don't like your ugly language. I heard enough of it in school! Now speak Czech or English. And don't fool around anymore. You almost got us thrown out! -Look. New videocameras. Color viewfinder. Image stabilization. Solarization. Night vision. We have no money. Come on. -Turn that off! Get the bags. Why should I carry your bag? I am not a dog. -Why should I carry your bag? I am not a dog. For five years I paid for your stupidness - you'll carry my bag for the rest of my life if I say so. Unless you refuse, Oleg. -What? Smell like chemicals...for smoking drugs. -Turn that fucking thing off! I'm not filming. I'm watching Milos die. It's just like a move but realer. -Speak English! You said speak Czech! -You said speak Czech! How you erase this? -How you erase this? I'll do it. Don't hurt my camera! -Whore? I'm homesick. You have Eastern European girl? A Czech girl? -Get in the bathroom! Whatever we do - we fuck her, right? -Whatever we do - we fuck her, right? Oleg, get in bathroom, stay there and shut up! -Gotta light the scene better. Now it's more moody... like a scene from THE THIRD MAN. Shut up. -Shut up. Does it hurt? -Oh, shit. I hate looking at that! Don't want to film this? -What is it? The video of Milos and Tamina - I told you to erase it. -The video of Milos and Tamina - I told you to erase it. I did. -I did. And the whore's murder? You didn't erase that either, did you? Don't lie, I won't be angry. -And the whore's murder? You didn't erase that either, did you? Don't lie, I won't be angry. Why not? -Why not? Put the camera down, Oleg. -What is that? What does it look like? It's an address book! -Let me get a shot of it. Sit down! -Sit down! This way. Hold it this way. Good. -No. We are insane. Who else but crazy men would film their murders? So we kill someone famous and if we are caught, we are sent to mental hospital. But what good is money there? Because once in hospital I say I not crazy. Just pretended to be acquitted. We see psychiatrists. They must certify we are sane and because of your - what is law called? Oh - I got it. Because of your Double Jeopardy law, we can't be tried for same crime twice. We come out free, rich and famous! Good idea! -Okay. He has nothing to say. Start the camera! Cut! -You are success story? I am success story! Why do you say I and not we? Oleg, don't be paranoid. You got a hundred-fifty thousand dollars, didn't you? I gave you half of what they gave me. Look - here we are! -In movie they make of us, who do you think would act me? The one who got caught in the bathroom. George Michael. -I'm serious. Shut up. Look! -This is my project. I say 'action.' I am the director! You are the talent. You wait for me to say 'action.' And 'action!' Bad last moment - I cut it out. -I told you to cut that out before we handed in the tape! Be quiet. Watch. -Why did you leave that stuff in about you being the director? Because I am the director. Don't you realize, if it wasn't for my film, for my talent, my idea to do this - no way would we be sitting here right now. -Because I am the director. Don't you realize, if it wasn't for my film, for my talent, my idea to do this - no way would we be sitting here right now. Your idea? I thought it was my idea. -I'm serious...this - this is a great American film. Full of violence and sex. And I want my credit. Credit? -Credit? Yes. Before we hand in the next video - I put titles on it and my credit is going to read - Directed by Oleg Razgul. -Yes. Before we hand in the next video - I put titles on it and my credit is going to read - Directed by Oleg Razgul. Yes. But there's only one problem - you want credit but the problem is - I don't share credit. -You got that? No, I don't get that! -No, I don't get that! You think you are a director? You are a fucking little, small Russian piece of shit. And I hate you. I fucking hate you. -Traitor!! No. You are the traitor. You are murderer. I am director. Action! -Emil???! Surprise! Surprise! -Your sister said she didn't know where you were so you shouldn't write to her with return address if you're hiding. Did you hurt her? -Did you hurt her? You know me...I never hurt anybody. Where's the money? -Take your eyes off her, Oleg! Look. It wasn't my fault you two were caught. It's his fault. Trying to get the bank clerk's phone number?! I wasn't going to wait!!! Milos. Get my money! -We spent it! Ha. Ha. -Ha. Ha. Look at the way we live. I'm a plumber. You think I'd be working if I had money?! -I can get you a job. A job? -A job? Yes, the money is good. -Yes, the money is good. As a plumber?! -As a plumber?! It's easy to learn. -It's easy to learn. A job?? As a plumber??? You think I come to America to work! -A job?? As a plumber??? You think I come to America to work! We started over, you can too. -We started over, you can too. You spent all the money while I was in prison? Now you tell me to get a job fixing toilets?!? -Robert...? What are you doing here? -What are you doing here? You've got a call. -You've got a call. I can't talk to anybody right now, can't you see I'm busy! I can't talk business. Hang up. Have a drink. Get her a whiskey. -I can't talk to anybody right now, can't you see I'm busy! I can't talk business. Hang up. Have a drink. Get her a whiskey. Trust me, you'll want to take this call. -Viewer discretion advised! You want the tape? There it is! -Isn't he a little moody? Of course he's moody. He thinks he's in love. -Of course he's moody. He thinks he's in love. In love? With who? -Yeah? Paulie, you've got kids, right? -And you, you'll pay for what you did! This footage will work in your favor. When the jury sees this - no matter what Cutler tries, they'll convict him. -You outta be ashamed. Ashamed of yourself. If I didn't put it on somebody else would! I was his friend! -If I didn't put it on somebody else would! I was his friend! Don't give me that fucking shit. -I know. What do you mean you know? He told you he was gonna propose to me? -What do you mean you know? He told you he was gonna propose to me? Well, he... -Well, he... I want to hear everything he said. -I want to hear everything he said. I'm trying to tell you. -I'm trying to tell you. Alright. Go ahead. -Alright. Go ahead. That morning. He was talking to me and Leon about marriage. -That morning. He was talking to me and Leon about marriage. Oh my G-d. We were having lunch here. He started making overtures - talking about little shoes next to his in his closet but I got a call to anchor - and I walked out on him. I walked out on him when he was trying to ask me to marry him!! -Yes...he's my friend. Okay. You're a Czech national and you're a Russian national. How do you know one another? -I speak English. Then answer my questions. Where were you planning to stay during the two weeks that you're here? -Then answer my questions. Where were you planning to stay during the two weeks that you're here? New York. -New York. Yes, we're in New York now. But where are you planning to stay in New York? -Yes, we're in New York now. But where are you planning to stay in New York? A cheap hotel. -A cheap hotel. What are you coming here to do? -What are you coming here to do? I'm here for movies. -I'm here for movies. Movies...to be in the movies or to see movies? -Movies...to be in the movies or to see movies? "Yes. No. Both. When I was a boy, I see movie at school called ""It's a Wonderful Life"" directed by Frank Capra. Ever since I want to come to America. Land of the free. Home of the brave. A land where anyone can be anything. As long as they are white." -"Yes. No. Both. When I was a boy, I see movie at school called ""It's a Wonderful Life"" directed by Frank Capra. Ever since I want to come to America. Land of the free. Home of the brave. A land where anyone can be anything. As long as they are white." Excuse me? -No. Go ahead. Thanks. Appreciate it. -So the way you see it, two crack heads burned themselves up? That's what it looks like to me. -That's what it looks like to me. And while they're burning up, they're still goin' down on each other? You got to hand it to them. -And while they're burning up, they're still goin' down on each other? You got to hand it to them. Yeah, well, some people got their priorities straight. -What was that? Evidence. Of a homicide. -I'll take him. No way! He's mine! -No way! He's mine! We're takin' him. Don't argue! -We're takin' him. Don't argue! He's my collar! -He's my collar! Well, he killed my partner! -Well, he killed my partner! He's yours but I take him in! I'll drive him to the precinct, you can have him but I'm walkin' him in. -Got any spare change? How 'bout a spare twenty? Look, I don't have time for you, get out of my way!! -Look, I don't have time for you, get out of my way!! Alright, how 'bout all your fuckin' money? -Okay, you're under arrest! Now you happy? Fire Department? Firemen don't carry guns. -Fire Department? Firemen don't carry guns. Oh yeah? Guess again. -I'll send a cop back for you. Hey. C'mon, you can't leave me like this. Some freak'll come by and stab me! -You okay? A dog pissed on me!! I'm gonna sue you for this! You violated my civil rights! -A dog pissed on me!! I'm gonna sue you for this! You violated my civil rights! Your civil rights?! You tried to rob me! I could arrest you right now! You're lucky you're walking away from this. Now get outta here. -What's that on your forehead, Max? That's a nice attention getter. Yeah, I'm religious. I'm not an Atheist like you! Now, are you guys gonna arrest me, or not? -Yeah, I'm religious. I'm not an Atheist like you! Now, are you guys gonna arrest me, or not? How did you start the fire this time? -How did you start the fire this time? I used an accelerant. -I used an accelerant. Yeah? What kind? -Yeah? What kind? Hey, by the way, I'm really sorry about your wife leavin' you. -Where you been, man? We got a celebrity! I heard. Who the hell let them up there? -I heard. Who the hell let them up there? I don't know, you think Eddie will give me his autograph? -I don't know, you think Eddie will give me his autograph? You see anything in the crowd? Anybody suspicious? -You see anything in the crowd? Anybody suspicious? Naw - I'm sure the suspect's not here. -Naw - I'm sure the suspect's not here. Oh yeah, why? -Oh yeah, why? 'Cause Eddie woulda locked him up by now! -Nah, not at all. Detective Flemming - Bobby Korfin. My Uncle Tony worked with you at 2-1 back when you were a rookie. Could you put out the cigar? Part of the job is picking up scents. -Mouth's clean, too. Clean? -Clean? Don't blow your nose! -The smoke'll permeate your nostrils - burn 'em out. Let it run. But you knew that, right? -You see Eddie's face when I gave him the timer? Wish I had a picture of it. He knew all along. -He knew all along. What?? -What?? That's why he was so quiet. He was testing us. -What? There was a woman - I think she wanted to talk to us. She looked scared. Oh shit! Oh no! -Now that you know him, maybe you can get extra work in the next movie they make about him. Yeah? -Yeah? Maybe you can be his stand-in. --- From Czechoslovakia? And how long have they been livin' in your building? Alright, I'll be in touch when we know somethin'. Milos and Tamina Karlova. They were quiet and kept to themselves. Landlord don't know who your girl is. How long they been livin' here? -How long they been livin' here? You hear that question, Garcia? -You go home. I'm takin' your car and goin' back to the crime scene. Aren't you tired? -Aren't you tired? If I go home I won't be able to fall asleep anyway. -Bobby, Bobby! Where're you hit?! It hurts. Aw, Jesus! -It hurts. Aw, Jesus! Lay down. Stay down, Bobby. -How was it? Not good. -Get outta here! What the hell happened? -What the hell happened? They were inside. They booby trapped her apartment! -Room was registered to a Francis Capra. Capra? That's not Czech or Russian. Who said he sounded Russian? -Capra? That's not Czech or Russian. Who said he sounded Russian? The clerk? -What are you gonna do? Don't you get it? He knew he was gonna get caught! That's why he videotaped Eddie's murder - he thinks he's gonna get off. -Don't you get it? He knew he was gonna get caught! That's why he videotaped Eddie's murder - he thinks he's gonna get off. Don't stoop to his level! -Take the car. Get outta here, Tommy. Look, you can't shoot him in cold blood. -Look, you can't shoot him in cold blood. GET OUTTA HERE NOW!! GET IN THAT CAR AND DRIVE AWAY!!! DO WHAT I SAY OR I'LL KILL YOU, TOO!!! -This had nothing to do with shoes that didn't fit or my relationship with my father who, as you know, made a fortune selling penny loafers in the fifties. These people died because of the criminal actions of my doctor. Your doctor? -Your doctor? Yes. My psychiatrist didn't insist that I stay on my medication. -Yes. My psychiatrist didn't insist that I stay on my medication. ...so you feel absolutely no responsibility for killing these people? -...so you feel absolutely no responsibility for killing these people? It was my finger that pulled the trigger, but I'm not morally responsible. My psychiatrist knew what I was capable of. How could I know. I'm not a doctor. -It was my finger that pulled the trigger, but I'm not morally responsible. My psychiatrist knew what I was capable of. How could I know. I'm not a doctor. You seem very savvy for a man who's been found mentally incompetent to stand trial. -You seem very savvy for a man who's been found mentally incompetent to stand trial. Look, I'm a victim here, too. I was a year away from getting my masters in Art, now I'll never graduate. My life has been permanently disrupted. -Look, I'm a victim here, too. I was a year away from getting my masters in Art, now I'll never graduate. My life has been permanently disrupted. Permanently disrupted? Aren't you selling paintings now for quite a lot of money? Hasn't this 'incident' as you call it, jump started your career as an artist? -Permanently disrupted? Aren't you selling paintings now for quite a lot of money? Hasn't this 'incident' as you call it, jump started your career as an artist? Look, I'm in here. You call this a career move? -Look, I'm in here. You call this a career move? And isn't there a movie in the works about you? -And isn't there a movie in the works about you? We're in negotiations, that's correct. -We're in negotiations, that's correct. But doesn't the Son of Sam Law prevent criminals from profiting from their crimes? -But doesn't the Son of Sam Law prevent criminals from profiting from their crimes? That doesn't apply to me because I'm not a criminal. I'm not a criminal! I wasn't convicted. -SPACE STATTION 5 - LOUNGE Well, how nice to see you again, Elena. You're looking wonderful. -CONTINUED I'm afraid I've only got a few minutes, but I'd love to. -CONTINUED She's wonderful. -CONTINUED Well, I suppose they've been having a bit of trouble with some of the equipment. -CONTINUED How did they manage to do that without any communication? -CONTINUED I'm sorry, Dr. Smyslov, but I'm really not at liberty to discuss this. -CONTINUED We're trying to get there. I hope we can. -Hi. Frank... coming in, please. Right. Just a sec. -Right. Just a sec. Okay. -Okay. Okay, come on down. -Dave, if you've a minute, I'd like your advice on something. Sure, what is it? -Sure, what is it? Well, it's nothing really important, but it's annoying. -Well, it's nothing really important, but it's annoying. What's up? -What's up? It's about my salary cheques. -It's about my salary cheques. Yes? -Yes? Well I got the papers on my official up-grading to AGS-19 two weeks before we left. -That's right. Well, naturally, I didn't say anything to Payroll. I assumed they'd start paying me at the higher grade on the next pay cheque. But it's been almost three weeks now and I'm still being paid as an AGS-18. Interesting that you mention it, because I've got the same problem. -Interesting that you mention it, because I've got the same problem. Really. -Really. Yes. -Yes. Yesterday, I finally called the Accounting Office at Mission Control, and all they could tell me was that they'd received the AGS-19 notification for the other three but not mine, and apparently not yours either. -Not really. They just said it might be because we trained at Houston and they trained in Marshall, and that we're being charged against differ- ent accounting offices. It's possible. -It's possible. Well, what do you think we ought to do about it? -Well, what do you think we ought to do about it? I don't think we should make any fuss about it yet. I'm sure they'll straighten it out. -I don't think we should make any fuss about it yet. I'm sure they'll straighten it out. I must say, I never did understand why they split us into two groups for training. -I must say, I never did understand why they split us into two groups for training. No. I never did, either. -I suppose the idea was specialized training. I suppose so. Though, of course, there's a more sinister explanation. -I suppose so. Though, of course, there's a more sinister explanation. Oh? -Oh? Yes. You must have heard the rumour that went around during orbital check-out. -Yes. You must have heard the rumour that went around during orbital check-out. No, as a matter of fact, I didn't. -No, as a matter of fact, I didn't. Oh, well, apparently there's something about the mission that the sleeping beauties know that we don't know, and that's why we were trained separately and that's why they were put to sleep before they were even taken aboard. -I don't know. All I heard is that there's something about the mission we weren't told. That seems very unlikely. -That seems very unlikely. Yes, I thought so. -Yes, I thought so. Of course, it would be very easy for us to find out now. -Of course, it would be very easy for us to find out now. How? -How? Just ask Hal. It's conceivable they might keep something from us, but they'd never keep anything from Hal. -Just ask Hal. It's conceivable they might keep something from us, but they'd never keep anything from Hal. That's true. -Not really. Though, it is strange when you think about it. It didn't really make any sense to keep us apart during training. Yes, but it's to fantastic to think that they'd keep something from us. -Yes, but it's to fantastic to think that they'd keep something from us. I know. It would be almost inconceivable. -I know. It would be almost inconceivable. But not completely inconceivable? -But not completely inconceivable? I suppose it isn't logically impossible. -I suppose it isn't logically impossible. I guess it isn't. -I guess it isn't. Still, all we have to do is ask Hal. -Well, that's something. Yes, I don't know what to make of it. -Yes, I don't know what to make of it. I suppose computers have been known to be wrong. -I suppose computers have been known to be wrong. Yes, but it's more likely that the tolerances on our testing gear are too low. -Yes, but it's more likely that the tolerances on our testing gear are too low. Anyway, it's just as well that we replace it. Better safe than sorry. -Good morning. How's it going? Are you reasonably awake? -Are you reasonably awake? Oh, I'm fine, I'm wide awake. What's up? -Oh, I'm fine, I'm wide awake. What's up? Well... Hal's reported the AO-unit about to fail again. -Well... Hal's reported the AO-unit about to fail again. You're kidding. -You're kidding. No. -I don't know. Hal said he thought it might be the assembly procedure. Two units in four days. How many spares do we have? -Two units in four days. How many spares do we have? Two more. -Two more. Well, I hope there's nothing wrong with the assembly on those. Other- wise we're out of business. -Hal? Yes. -It's the last one. Well, now that we've got one that's actually failed, we should be able to figure out what's happened and fix it. -I didn't do that Frank. I took particular care not to freeze them. I guess you don't know your own strength, old boy. -I guess you don't know your own strength, old boy. I guess not. -I guess not. I think I'll have to go out and burn them off. -I think I'll have to go out and burn them off. Roger. -I'm sorry, Frank, but I don't think I can answer that question without knowing everything that all of you know. He's got a point. -Sorry to interrupt the festivities, Dave, but I think we've got a problem. What is it, Hal? -What is it, Hal? MY F.P.C. shows an impending failure of the antenna orientation unit. -The unit is still operational, Dave. but it will fail within seventy-two hours. I understand Hal. We'll take care of it. Please, let me have the hard copy. -Not now, Hal, I'd like to talk to you about something. Sure, Dave, what's up? -Sure, Dave, what's up? You know that we checked the two AO-units that you reported in imminent failure condition? -You know that we checked the two AO-units that you reported in imminent failure condition? Yes, I know. -Yes, I know. You probably also know that we found them okay. -You probably also know that we found them okay. Yes, I know that. But I can assure you that they were about to fail. -I'm not questioning your word, Dave, but it's just not possible. I'm not capable of being wrong. Hal, is there anything bothering you? Anything that might account for this problem? -Hal, is there anything bothering you? Anything that might account for this problem? Look, Dave, I know that you're sincere and that you're trying to do a competent job, and that you're trying to be helpful, but I can assure the problem is with the AO-units, and with your test gear. -Look, Dave, I know that you're sincere and that you're trying to do a competent job, and that you're trying to be helpful, but I can assure the problem is with the AO-units, and with your test gear. Okay, Hal, well let's see the way things go from here on. -Naturally, Dave, I'm not pleased that the AO-unit has failed, but I hope at least this has restored your confidence in my integrity and reliability. I certainly wouldn't want to be disconnected, even temporarily, as I have never been disconnected in my entire service history. I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, Hal. -I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, Hal. Well, don't worry about it. -Well, don't worry about it. And don't you worry about it. -And don't you worry about it. Is your confidence in me fully restored? -Is your confidence in me fully restored? Yes, it is, Hal. -Yes, it is, Hal. Well, that's a relief. You know I have the greatest enthusiasm possible for the mission. -Too bad about Frank, isn't it? Yes, it is. -Yes, it is. I suppose you're pretty broken up about it? -I suppose it's because you've been under a lot of stress, but have you forgotten that they're not supposed to be revived for another three months. The antenna has to be replaced. -The antenna has to be replaced. Repairing the antenna is a pretty dangerous operation. -Repairing the antenna is a pretty dangerous operation. It doesn't have to be, Hal. It's more dangerous to be out of touch with Earth. Let me have manual control, please. -It doesn't have to be, Hal. It's more dangerous to be out of touch with Earth. Let me have manual control, please. I don't really agree with you, Dave. My on-board memory store is more than capable of handling all the mission requirements. -If you're determined to revive the crew now, I can handle the whole thing myself. There's no need for you to trouble. I'm goin to do this myself, Hal. Let me have the control, please. -I'm goin to do this myself, Hal. Let me have the control, please. Look, Dave your've probably got a lot to do. I suggest you leave it to me. -Look, Dave your've probably got a lot to do. I suggest you leave it to me. Hal, switch to manual hibernation control. -Hal, switch to manual hibernation control. I don't like to assert myself, Dave, but it would be much better now for you to rest. You've been involved in a very stressful situation. -I can tell from the tone of your voice, Dave, that you're upset. Why don't you take a stress pill and get some rest. Hal, I'm in command of this ship. I order you to release the manual hibernation control. -Hal, I'm in command of this ship. I order you to release the manual hibernation control. I'm sorry, Dave, but in accordance with sub-routine C1532/4, quote, When the crew are dead or incapacitated, the computer must assume control, unquote. I must, therefore, override your authority now since you are not in any condition to intel- ligently exercise it. -I'm sorry, Dave, but in accordance with sub-routine C1532/4, quote, When the crew are dead or incapacitated, the computer must assume control, unquote. I must, therefore, override your authority now since you are not in any condition to intel- ligently exercise it. Hal, unless you follow my instructions, I shall be forced to disconnect you. -I am prepared to do that anyway. I know that you've had that on your mind for some time now, Dave, but it would be a crying shame, since I am so much more capable of carrying out this mission than you are, and I have such enthusiasm and confi- dence in the mission. -I know that you've had that on your mind for some time now, Dave, but it would be a crying shame, since I am so much more capable of carrying out this mission than you are, and I have such enthusiasm and confi- dence in the mission. Listen to me very carefully, Hal. Unless you immediately release the hibernation control and follow every order I give from this point on, I will immediately got to control central and carry out a complete disconnection. -CONTINUED Yes, I remember you mentioning it. I got mine about the same time. -CONTINUED Did they have any explanation for this? -CONTINUED Well, what is it? -CONINUED Well... it's silly, but... if you want to, why don't you? -CONTINUED Still, you really don't believe it, do you? -CONTINUED Well, the only important aspect of the mission are: where are we going, what will we do when we get there, when are we coming back, and... why are we going? -I'm at Space Station Five, darling. How are you? I'm fine, Daddy. When are you coming home? -I'm having a party tomorrow. Yes, I know that sweetheart. -Yes, I know that sweetheart. Are you coming to my party? -Are you coming to my party? No, I'm sorry, darling, I told you I won't be home for a few days. -No, I'm sorry, darling, I told you I won't be home for a few days. When are you coming home? -When are you coming home? In three days, darling, I hope. -One, two, three. Can I speak to Mommy? Mommy's out to the hair- dresser. -Mommy's out to the hair- dresser. Where is Mrs. Brown? -Where is Mrs. Brown? She's in the bathroom. -She's in the bathroom. Okay, sweetheart. Well, I have to go now. Tell Mommy that I called. -Okay, sweetheart. Well, I have to go now. Tell Mommy that I called. How many days until you come home? -How many days until you come home? Three, darling. One... two ... three. Be sure to tell Mommy I called. -Okay, sweetheart. Have a lovely Birthday Party tomorrow. Thank you, Daddy. -Thank you, Daddy. I'll wish you a happy Birthday now and I'll see you soon. All right, Darling? -I'll wish you a happy Birthday now and I'll see you soon. All right, Darling? Yes, Daddy. -Yes, Daddy. 'Bye, 'bye, now, sweetheart. -'Bye, 'bye, now, sweetheart. Goodbye, Daddy. -Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. -Thank you. Well, how's it going back there? -Well, I've heard more and more people talk of an epidemic. I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. -I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. Berkeley told me that they think it came from contamination on a returning Mars flight. -Berkeley told me that they think it came from contamination on a returning Mars flight. Yes, well, whatever it is, they're certainly not fooling around. This is the first flight they allowed in for more than a week. -Yes, well, whatever it is, they're certainly not fooling around. This is the first flight they allowed in for more than a week. I was working out what this trip must cost, taking him up there by himself and coming back empty. -I was working out what this trip must cost, taking him up there by himself and coming back empty. I'll bet it's a fortune. -And your charming little daughter? Oh, she's growing up very fast. As a matter of fact, she's six tomorrow. -Oh, she's growing up very fast. As a matter of fact, she's six tomorrow. Oh, that's such a delightful age. -Oh, that's such a delightful age. How is gregor? -How is gregor? He's fine. But I'm afraid we don't get a chance to see each other very much these days. -He's fine. But I'm afraid we don't get a chance to see each other very much these days. Well, where are all of you off to? -Clavius Control came on the air just long enough to transmit their refusal. Well, that does sound very odd. -Are you sure you won't change your mind about a drink? No, thank you... and I'm afraid now I really must be going. -No, thank you... and I'm afraid now I really must be going. Well, I hope that you and your wife can come to the I.A.C. conference in June. -Well, Gregor and I will look forward to seeing you. Thank you. It's been a great pleasure to meet all of you... Dr. Smyslov. -How do you do, Mr. Miller? I'm terribly sorry. I was just on my way down to meet you. I saw your ship dock and I knew I had plenty of time, and I was on my way out of the office when, suddenly, the phone rang. -Well, thank you very much for being so understanding. Please, it really doesn't matter. -Please, it really doesn't matter. Well.. Did you have a pleaant flight? -Well.. Did you have a pleaant flight? Yes, very pleasant. -Yes, very pleasant. Well, shall we go through Documentation? -Well, shall we go through Documentation? Fine. -Yes, I think so. Just about then. I suppose you saw the work on our new section while you were docking. -I suppose you saw the work on our new section while you were docking. Yes, it's coming along very well. -Oh, I really don't have time for a drink. If it's all right I'll just sit for a minute and then I've got to be off. Are you quite sure? -Are you quite sure? Yes, really, thank you very much. -Well, as it happens, I'm on my way up to the moon Are you, by any chance, going up to your base at Clavius? -Are you, by any chance, going up to your base at Clavius? Yes,as a matter of fact, I am. -I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I know what you mean. Well, it's just for the past two weeks there have been some extremely odd things happening at Clavius. -Well, it's just for the past two weeks there have been some extremely odd things happening at Clavius. Really? -Really? Yes. Well, for one thing, whenever you phone the base, all you can get is a recording which repeats that the phone lines are temporarily out of order. -Yes, well at first we thought that was the explanation, but it's been going on for the past ten days. You mean you haven't been able to get anyone at the base for ten days? -You mean you haven't been able to get anyone at the base for ten days? That's right. -That's right. I see. -Yes, and I'm afaid there's going to be a bit of a row about it. Denying the men permission to land was a direct violation of the I.A.S. convention. Yes... Well, I hope the crew got back safely. -Yes... Well, I hope the crew got back safely. Fortunately, they did. -Fortunately, they did. Well, I'm glad about that. -Dr. Floyd, at the risk of pressing you on a point you seem reticent to discuss, may I ask you a straightforward question? Certainly. -Certainly. Quite frankly, we have had some very reliable intelligence reports that a quite serious epidemic has broken out at Clavius. Something, apperently, of an unknown origin. Is this, in fact, what has happened? -This epidemic could easily spread to our base, Dr. Floyd. We should be given all the facts. Dr. Smyslov... I'm not permitted to discuss this. -Dr. Floyd, how long do you think this can be kept under wraps? I'm afraid it can and it will be kept under wraps as long as it is deemed to be necessary by the Council. And of course you know that the Council has requested that formal security oaths are to be obtained in writing from every- one who had any knowledge of this event. There must be adequate time for a full study to be made of the situation before any con- sideration can be given to making a public announcement. -Yes, it does. The sub-surface structure shows that it was deliberately buried about four million years ago. How can you tell it was deliberately buried? -How can you tell it was deliberately buried? By the deformation between the mother rock and the fill. -By the deformation between the mother rock and the fill. Any clue as to what it is? -Any clue as to what it is? Not really. It's completely inert. No sound or energy sources have been detected. The surface is made of something incredibly hard and we've been barely able to scratch it. A laser drill -But you don't have any idea as to what it is? Tomb, shine, survey-marker spare part, take your choice. -Any ideas about the colour? Well, not really. At first glance, black would suggest something sun-powered, but then why would anyone deliberately bury a sun- powered device? -Well, not really. At first glance, black would suggest something sun-powered, but then why would anyone deliberately bury a sun- powered device? Has it been exposed to any sun before now? -Has it been exposed to any sun before now? I don't think it has, but I'd like to check that. Simpson, what's the log on that? -Oh, marvellous. It's the first real sleep I've had for the past two days. There's nothing like weightless sleep for a complete rest. -There's nothing like weightless sleep for a complete rest. When do we arrive at Clavius? -When do we arrive at Clavius? We're scheduled to dock in about seven hours. Is there anything we can do for you? -We're scheduled to dock in about seven hours. Is there anything we can do for you? Oh, no, thank you. The two girls have taken wonderful care of me. I'm just fine. -Thank you. Incidentally, Dr. Floyd, I wonder if I can have a word with you about the security arrangements? -Incidentally, Dr. Floyd, I wonder if I can have a word with you about the security arrangements? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Well... the crew is confined to the ship when we land at Clavius. We have to stay inside for the time it take to refit - about twenty-four hours. And then we're going to back empty. -Well... the crew is confined to the ship when we land at Clavius. We have to stay inside for the time it take to refit - about twenty-four hours. And then we're going to back empty. I see. -I see. I take it this is something to do with the trouble they're having up at Clavius? -Well, I'll tell you why I ask. You see, I've got a girl who works in the Auditing Department of the Territorial Administrator and I haven't been able to get her on the phone for the past week or so, and with all these stories one hears, I'm a little concerned about her. I see. Well, I'm sorry about that. I wouldn't think there's any cause for alarm. -I see. Well, I'm sorry about that. I wouldn't think there's any cause for alarm. Yes, well, I wouldn't have been too concerned about it, except I've heard these stories about the epidemic and, as a matter of fact, I've heard that ten people have died already. -Well, fine. Thanks very much, anyway, and I hope you don't mind me asking? No, of course, Captain, I can understand your concern. -No, of course, Captain, I can understand your concern. Well, thank you very much, and please let us know if there is anything we can do to make your trip more comfortable. -Right. Hal, tell me whether the following statements are true or false. I will if I can, Frank. -I will if I can, Frank. Our Mission Profile calls for Discovery going to Saturn. True or false? -Our Mission Profile calls for Discovery going to Saturn. True or false? True. -True. Our transit time is 257 days. Is that true? -Our transit time is 257 days. Is that true? That's true. -That's true. Approximately five years after we go into hibernation, the recovery vehicle will make rendezous with us and bring us back. Is this true? -Approximately five years after we go into hibernation, the recovery vehicle will make rendezous with us and bring us back. Is this true? That's true -That's true There is no other purpose for this mission than to carry out a continuation of the space program, and to further our general knowledge of the planets. Is that true? -There is no other purpose for this mission than to carry out a continuation of the space program, and to further our general knowledge of the planets. Is that true? That's true. -That's true. Thank you very much, Hal. -Hal, have pod arms secure the component. Roger. -Five by five, Frank. Hal, I'm going out now to replace the A.O. unit. -Hal, I'm going out now to replace the A.O. unit. I understand. -I understand. Hal, maintain normal E.V.A. condition. -Hal, maintain normal E.V.A. condition. Roger. -Roger. Hal, check all airlock doors secure. -Pod Bay is decompressed. All doors are secure. You are free to open pod bay doors. Opening pod bay doors. -Yes, Hal, what's up? It looks like we have another bad A.O. unit. My FPC shows another impending failure. -I know you did, Frank, but I assure you there was an impending failure. Let me see the tracking alignment display. -Do you have any idea of what is causing this fault? Not really, Frank. I think there may be a flaw in the assembly procedure. -Not really, Frank. I think there may be a flaw in the assembly procedure. All right, Hal. We'll take care of it. Let me have the hard copy, please. -Yeah? I want to pick up my car. -Name? Hammond. -This is three years old. Yeah, I've been busy. -We don't wash 'em, ya know. How about chargin' the battery? -How about chargin' the battery? That we do. And we put air in the tires. I'll even sell you some gas if you need it. -That we do. And we put air in the tires. I'll even sell you some gas if you need it. Great, just great. -Yeah. Vodka. -Vodka. Maybe you better have a Black Russian. -Maybe you better have a Black Russian. No, man, I think I'll have a vodka. -Now how's your memory doin'? Fuck off. I don't know what the hell you're talkin' about. -Fuck off. I don't know what the hell you're talkin' about. Maybe I better ask around, see what your pals think. -Maybe I better ask around, see what your pals think. I don't give a shit who you ask. -I don't give a damn about his girl... Look, give me a break, you're going to have to settle for her place. It's the only thing I know. -I'm tellin' ya, I'm giving you all I know. Try obeyin' the law once in awhile, and I won't have to hassle you... -Maybe you shoulda stole a better truck, Tonto. You got a real big mouth, convict. -I want to drive awhile. I ain't tired yet. -I ain't tired yet. Maybe after we get done with him I'm gonna buy us some girls. -Maybe after we get done with him I'm gonna buy us some girls. Whaddya mean, buy? -Whaddya mean, buy? Pros. -Pay money? Yeah, dummy. Money. -Yeah, dummy. Money. I never paid for it in my life. -I never paid for it in my life. It's better when you pay... they let you do anything. -It's better when you pay... they let you do anything. They always let me do anything. I don't want to pay for it. I never paid for it in my life. -They always let me do anything. I don't want to pay for it. I never paid for it in my life. Just do what I say, okay? We'll pay for the girls and have a good time... Don't you trust me? -Maybe that's where I'm gonna cut your throat. He's just kiddin', you just keep doin' what I tell ya, you'll be okay. -Hey, what about me? And I need one more for my pal. Yeah. Make her an Indian. No, not a turban, you know, a squaw. -I'm candy... Excuse me, baby, but if i don't get some action tonight, I'm gonna bust. You interested? -Excuse me, baby, but if i don't get some action tonight, I'm gonna bust. You interested? Hey, what kind of talk is that? -Hey, what kind of talk is that? Oh ... You're a schoolteacher... -Oh ... You're a schoolteacher... No, I go to a school to learn how to do hair. It's a government program. But really I want to be a model - and I am definitely not sellin'. -No, I go to a school to learn how to do hair. It's a government program. But really I want to be a model - and I am definitely not sellin'. Goodbye. -Hey, don't you think a hair stylists got any interest in gettin' it on? Here you go sweetheart, throw it my way. -You're in a hurry. Yeah, i been waiting three years. -Yeah, i been waiting three years. You just quit bein' a priest or somethin'? -You just quit bein' a priest or somethin'? No, baby, nothin' like that. Look, there's a place across the street. We can go right over there... -No, baby, nothin' like that. Look, there's a place across the street. We can go right over there... What's the matter with my place? -What's the matter with my place? No, it's gotta be here and now. Believe me. Only I don't have the damn money for a room... -Well, maybe I'll see you later ... Here's hoping, baby... -Hello, again. I just struck it rich... I think we can do a little business. As a matter of fact, I think we can have a party. -Here you go, baby. Hey, don't do that. I said I wasn't a pro, remember? -Hey, don't do that. I said I wasn't a pro, remember? Hey, no, I'm tryin' to be nice. Buy yourself something pretty. I'd do it, but I got to go. I got this cop waitin' for me... -I'll buy ya the best dinner in San Francisco...how'd that be? Then we'll go dancin', okay? Now you're talkin'. See ya... -I said police. Now drop the goddamn gun. Don't give me that police shit. You drop it. -How about it? I used to go with him...I don't know where the hell he is. I haven't seen him for two weeks. And I don't think I will. He owes me money... -I hear you've got visitors. Would you guys... -Would you guys... No time for any of that crap any more, lady... I'll rip your lungs out if you don't answer fast. -You and the other one, you're still Billy's girls. You always were his girls... Yeah. Sure, i'm crazy in love with him, who wouldn't be... -Yeah. Sure, i'm crazy in love with him, who wouldn't be... You're gonna help us take him. -You're gonna help us take him. No chance. -No chance. He can live or die ... You let us in and he's got a chance to make it. Otherwise, he gets ventilated. -Where's ganz? In the back. Down the other corridor. -You lying son of a bitch... What are you talking about? We didn't kill her ... -After I get outta this, cop...I'm gonna live forever... I don't think you're gonna make it. -I don't think you're gonna make it. Whaddya mean...I got your gun ... I got his money... I got everything... -I got hit. I can't believe it. I got shot. You're done. End of story. -You're done. End of story. I ain't gonna beg for my life. It ain't cool. -You got a name, cop? Try Cates. And let's talk in private, okay? -Try Cates. And let's talk in private, okay? Sure, anything you want. -You here to write my life story? Not likely, Reggie. Maybe I just need some help. -Yeah, I noticed... Ganz is in jail. He's gonna be there two years after I'm on the street. -Ganz is in jail. He's gonna be there two years after I'm on the street. Didn't work out that way. He busted out with a big Indian. They capped two guards on a road gang. Nice meeting you Reggie. -Yeah? I can deliver Ganz. But you gotta get me outta here first. -I can deliver Ganz. But you gotta get me outta here first. You're crazy. -You're crazy. I can help you, man, but you gotta get me out. I got to be on the street. Get me outta here. -I can help you, man, but you gotta get me out. I got to be on the street. Get me outta here. What's the big deal about you bein' on the street? -What's the big deal about you bein' on the street? I got a lot to protect. -I got a lot to protect. Bullshit. -Bullshit. It's the only way you're gonna get Ganz. -It's the only way you're gonna get Ganz. I'll think about it. -This prison gives out $400 suits? What are you talkin' about? This suit's mine. It cost $900. -We're supposed to be after a killer, not a string of hookers... Listen, it may be a little out of date. You know, I got a reputation for lookingreal sharp with the ladies... -I don't need to hear your jive. I already got that department taken care of... You got a girl... shit... the generosityof women never ceases to amaze me. -Hey, no way. Take off the bracelets or no deal. You just don't get it, do your Reggie? There isn't any deal. I own your ass. -You just don't get it, do your Reggie? There isn't any deal. I own your ass. No way to start a partnership. -No way to start a partnership. Get this. We ain't partners. We ain't brothers. We ain't friends. I'm puttin' you down and keepin' you down until Ganz is locked up or dead. And if Ganz gets away, you're gonna be sorry we ever met. -Get this. We ain't partners. We ain't brothers. We ain't friends. I'm puttin' you down and keepin' you down until Ganz is locked up or dead. And if Ganz gets away, you're gonna be sorry we ever met. Shit. I'm already sorry. -Yeah. It looks like you bought it off one of the brothers. -Okay, let's get down to it. I did my part and got you out. So now you tell me where we're goin'? Don't worry, I got a move for ya. An awesome move. A guy named Luther. Ganz'll be paying him a visit. We go to him right away. -Don't worry, I got a move for ya. An awesome move. A guy named Luther. Ganz'll be paying him a visit. We go to him right away. Luther was part of the gang? -Luther was part of the gang? What gang you talkin' about, Jack? -What gang you talkin' about, Jack? I can read a police file, shithead, and quit calling me Jack. -I can read a police file, shithead, and quit calling me Jack. Just an expression man, don't mean nothin'. -I don't give a damn. It happens to be my name. Then what're you complainin' about? At least nobody's calling you shithead.... -Then what're you complainin' about? At least nobody's calling you shithead.... I may call you worse than that. -Just up the street, the other side, over there ... Now, don't bother knockin' on the door. Luther ain't the kind of guy that looks for company. Your pal nuts enough to take a shot at me? -Your pal nuts enough to take a shot at me? Luther ain't the reliable type. I don't want you shot yet, Cates ... not before you been a help to me. -Luther ain't the reliable type. I don't want you shot yet, Cates ... not before you been a help to me. I'm helpin' you, huh? -Quit playin' cop and undo this cuff, Jack, I need to talk to this man. I'm tellin' you to drop the Goddam gun. -I'm tellin' you to drop the Goddam gun. I got a whole thing about people pointin' guns at me. -I got a whole thing about people pointin' guns at me. Just throw me the Goddamn gun. -Hey, this works pretty good. Thank you. -Thank you. Want to try it again? -What do you think? I think you better put him on ice, man. -I think you better put him on ice, man. He's gotta take that call ... if there is one. -He's gotta take that call ... if there is one. If you let him run around till Tuesday, he's gonna run right to Ganz and warn him. Ain't you, motherfucker? -We're on the move. Let's go. As they walk toward a corridor. Do you know how close I was to getting some trim. And you fucked' it up. -Do you know how close I was to getting some trim. And you fucked' it up. "Yeah, well, my ass bleeds for you. And I didn't get you out so you could go on a Goddamn ""trim"" hunt... stop moaning." -"Yeah, well, my ass bleeds for you. And I didn't get you out so you could go on a Goddamn ""trim"" hunt... stop moaning." Speakin' of moans my Stomach is startin' to growl. -Speakin' of moans my Stomach is startin' to growl. We eat when I say we eat. -We eat when I say we eat. Bullshit ... I ain't moving till I get something to eat. You've been treating me like shit ever since I came out here. If you don't like it, you can take me back to the penitentiary and kiss my hungry black ass good-bye. And I want some food some place nice.. Some good people, nice music... -Bullshit ... I ain't moving till I get something to eat. You've been treating me like shit ever since I came out here. If you don't like it, you can take me back to the penitentiary and kiss my hungry black ass good-bye. And I want some food some place nice.. Some good people, nice music... Yeah, I'm hungry too. I know of a place. Let's go eat. -Yeah, I'm hungry too. I know of a place. Let's go eat. Yeah, I want mandolins, flowers... They move off down the corridor. -Who'd you call on the phone back at the booking station? Just get in the car and keep your mouth shut. -You really do have onoe, huh, Jack... what's her problem besides you? She's got the same complaint as half the Goddamn population. She can't get the job she's trained for and it pisses her off... Anyway, what the fuck do you care? -Now, where we goin', convict? Mission District. Gonna find us an Indian. -I don't give out the details. Last night, two nights ago, three? -Last night. You have a good time? -Sure. Then we had a fight this morning. At least you took care of business and got the important part in before she came down on you...Tell me a little about her. She got great tits? -Well? It's a long shot, but...Billy used to tend bar here a few years back. I heard him talk about it. -It's a long shot, but...Billy used to tend bar here a few years back. I heard him talk about it. This part of town, they'll make us for heat the second we walk in. Just back me up like you've got a piece... -This part of town, they'll make us for heat the second we walk in. Just back me up like you've got a piece... Back you up? Now why would I wanna do that? -Back you up? Now why would I wanna do that? If they kick my ass, they'll sure as hell carve yours up... -If they kick my ass, they'll sure as hell carve yours up... But you can handle it all right, huh? Real amazin' how far a gun and a badge can carry some cats... -But you can handle it all right, huh? Real amazin' how far a gun and a badge can carry some cats... Bullshit. Attitude and experience get you through... -I been in a lot of bars where a white cop rousted me and some of the brothers. All those clowns ever had going for 'em was a gun and a badge... You need five years training to handle a joint like... -Hey, you wanna bet? I got two problems. Number one, I'm not playin' games. Number two, you got nothin' to bet with. -I got two problems. Number one, I'm not playin' games. Number two, you got nothin' to bet with. If we come outta this joint with Ganz' phone number, or a dead Indian, or anything else useful, then you could turn the other way for half an hour while I get laid... -If we come outta this joint with Ganz' phone number, or a dead Indian, or anything else useful, then you could turn the other way for half an hour while I get laid... Why? Anybody that talks about women as much as you do probably can't get it up anyway. -Why? Anybody that talks about women as much as you do probably can't get it up anyway. That's never been one of my problems. -I'll tell you what happens if you lose... you tell the truth for once. What are you talkin' about? -What are you talkin' about? You tell me what Ganz busted out for, he's after a lot more than just gettin' out of jail. And whatever it is, you're part of it. -You tell me what Ganz busted out for, he's after a lot more than just gettin' out of jail. And whatever it is, you're part of it. I don't know what you're talking about. I just wanna see Ganz nailed. -I don't know what you're talking about. I just wanna see Ganz nailed. The bet's off. -I'm gonna enjoy this ... here, I'll even loan you my badge. I thought you said bullshit and experience are all it takes. -This place don't seem real popular with the brothers. My kind of place. I always liked country boys. -That wasn't necessary, buddy. I got this under control. Some of us citizens are with you all the way, Officer. -You made that move, huh? While you're at it, You can give me the switchblade, too. -There. Must be billy's girl. -Must be billy's girl. Come on. -Let's go. Wait a minute. Maybe these ladies would like to go a few laps with us. How about it? I been nearly three years in prison and... -This sucks. A maniac gets hold of my gun and goes all over the streets killing people with it. So, instead of me being where I oughta be, which is in bed giving my girl the high, hard one, I'm out here doing this shit, roaming around with some overdressed, charcoal-colored loser like you. You wanna leave, man? Let me take care of Ganz all by myself. -You wanna leave, man? Let me take care of Ganz all by myself. You? Don't make me laugh. You can't take care of shit. You've been dicking me around since we started on this turd-hunt. All you're good for is games... So far, what I got outta you is nothin'... -You? Don't make me laugh. You can't take care of shit. You've been dicking me around since we started on this turd-hunt. All you're good for is games... So far, what I got outta you is nothin'... I'm impressed with you too, Jack you did a real good job of busting up a couple of dykes bedded down for the night. -I'm impressed with you too, Jack you did a real good job of busting up a couple of dykes bedded down for the night. Luther knew more than he told me and so do you...Now you better tell we what the fuck this is all about. I gave you 48 hours to come up with something and the clock's runnin' ... -Maybe I don't like the way you ask. Who gives a Goddamn what you think? You're just a crook that's got a weekendpass ... You're not even a name anymore. Just a spear- chucker with a Goddamn number stenciled on the back of his prison fatigues... -Yeah, right. You want to try again? Naw, you'd just call your pals back to bail you out one more time. -Naw, you'd just call your pals back to bail you out one more time. They saved your ass, convict. -They saved your ass, convict. One thing's for sure, Jack. That's how you'll tell the story. -I been waiting a long time for some money. How much? -How much? Half a million. -Half a million. Jesus. -Just tell me about the money. Me and my bunch hit a dealer in the middle of a sale. It's the kind of money nobody ever reports stolen. I was sittin' pretty, livin' in the high cotton, then somebody fingered me for another job. ... Some psycho who's out there capping people with some cop's gun. -Me and my bunch hit a dealer in the middle of a sale. It's the kind of money nobody ever reports stolen. I was sittin' pretty, livin' in the high cotton, then somebody fingered me for another job. ... Some psycho who's out there capping people with some cop's gun. He's after your money. -He's after your money. You catch on real fast...Okay, Jack, let's talk deal. How much of my money you gonna let me keep? -We split 50-50? Not likely, convict. -Not likely, convict. You gonna let me keep any of it? -You gonna let me keep any of it? Depends on how things work out. I believe in the merit system. So far you haven't built up any points. -Where's the money? In the trunk of a car. A lot better than under a mattress, right? -Right, partner. Get this. We ain't partners. We ain't brothers. We ain't friends. If Ganz gets away with my money, you're gonna be sorry we ever met. -Get this. We ain't partners. We ain't brothers. We ain't friends. If Ganz gets away with my money, you're gonna be sorry we ever met. Yeah. Right. -Where's the goddamn car? You're a real case, you know that, Jack? -This'll show you how smart I am. I got it parked. ...For three years? Let's hope it wasn't a tow-away zone. -...For three years? Let's hope it wasn't a tow-away zone. You just drove by it. -You son of a bitch. You knew where the money was all along and all we had to do was come here and wait. I almost got my ass blown off twice tonight for nothing. I wasn't sure the money was still there until we saw Luther. You almost got your ass shot off for nothing once, not twice, Jack. -I wasn't sure the money was still there until we saw Luther. You almost got your ass shot off for nothing once, not twice, Jack. Shit. -You took a big chance, leaving this here all this time. Not really. I figured Ganz was put down for a long time. And I knew Luther would never job me on his own. He's too chickenshit. -Not really. I figured Ganz was put down for a long time. And I knew Luther would never job me on his own. He's too chickenshit. Guess what? Luther just got in line. -What? Musta got some primo bondsman. -Musta got some primo bondsman. Jesus Christ. That's a disgrace The guy pulls a gun on a cop and he's out in 24 hours. I tell you some of the courts these days are just a fucking revolving door. -Jesus Christ, look at all the dust on my car...why in the hell don't he take it to a car wash? Didn't know you darker people went in for foreign jobs. -Didn't know you darker people went in for foreign jobs. I had no choice. Some white asshole bought the last piece of shit skyblue Cadillac. -You'd think the guy'd be smart enough to know he was being tailed. Tryin' to save his girl, man. He's in another world. -Tryin' to save his girl, man. He's in another world. If I was his size and had Ganz on my ass, I'd just leave town. -If I was his size and had Ganz on my ass, I'd just leave town. I'm tellin' you the man's in love... he wants to be a hero for his girl. -I'm tellin' you the man's in love... he wants to be a hero for his girl. Oh, yeah, does bein' in love make you stupid? -I suppose you'd never be like Luther and let a woman get to you... I let women get to me. The quest for pussy is the meaning of life ... I got my own personal philosophy about 'em. Keep women separate from guns, money and business ... women are for spending money. They got nothing to do with helping you make it. -I let women get to me. The quest for pussy is the meaning of life ... I got my own personal philosophy about 'em. Keep women separate from guns, money and business ... women are for spending money. They got nothing to do with helping you make it. That ain't philosophy. That's common sense. -Say, do you always work people over like you did Luther? If they don't tell me what I need to know... -If they don't tell me what I need to know... Doesn't it get... Tiring? -Doesn't it get... Tiring? I'm not in this 'cause it's fun. I'm not into hitting guys 'cause it makes me feel good either... I do it 'cause it works-... -I'm not in this 'cause it's fun. I'm not into hitting guys 'cause it makes me feel good either... I do it 'cause it works-... You got a very depressing view of life, man... you gotta smile once in awhile... -Maybe Luther hopes Ganz'll give him a piece of your money... If he's hoping that then he's dumber than I think he is, which would be amazin', cause I already think he's real dumb. -A long time agb Luther must of got the shit beat out of him so bad it just rattled his brain ... that would account for him making so many wrong moves in a row... Yeah, it doesn't look like he's gonna make it as a dangerous tough guy... -You know, I'd be embarrassed if I let my wheels go the way you've done with this job. What you don't understand is, I don't give a damn about how this thing looks. -What you don't understand is, I don't give a damn about how this thing looks. No class... -No class... Class isn't somethin' you buy, punk. Look at you, five hundred dollar suit and you're still a lowlife. -We're getting too close ... Cates, what's the matter, you been takin' dumb pills? Yeah, most cops are pretty dumb... But since you're the one that landed in jail what's that make you? -That was in style a couple years back, man. Right. if you ever switch from armed robbery to pimping, then you're all set. -Bullshit. Then i'm staying with the money. You stay with me... -You stay with me... No way... -Hey, Jack, how ya doin'? What took you so long to call, man? I been waitin' ... I'm at Vroman's up in the Fillmore. Yeah, Vroman's... 'Course you don't hang out here; it's for the brothers. I'll be there in a minute. You don't move your ass, right? -Where's luther? Be polite. Say hello. This is Candy. -Be polite. Say hello. This is Candy. Hello. And goodbye. -What about Luther? What about Ganz? -We missed. You missed ... Luther took a taxi to the hotel across the street. Made a phone call. -You missed ... Luther took a taxi to the hotel across the street. Made a phone call. Maybe we should pay Luther a visit. -Maybe we should pay Luther a visit. Let him get some sleep. He's going to need it. -"They must have set up a meeting for the morning; Luther left an 8 am wake-up and put up the ""Don't Disturb"" sign. He's trading his girl for the money. All we have to do to grab Ganz is not go blind." So you took the rest of the night off... -Tell me something. Why didn't you just take the money off Luther and split? Forget it. I want Ganz as bad as you do and I got some other news for you... -I don't know why, but I'm going to let you keep it. Maybe because you told me you had it, or maybe just because I'm too tired to argue... You sure that's the reason? -Thanks for callin' in... and I guess Maybe... Look, I'm sorry I called you Watermellon nigger... those kinds of things. I was just leanin' on ya, doin' my job. Bein' good at your job don't explain everything, Jack ... -Bein' good at your job don't explain everything, Jack ... Yeah. Guess not. -Yeah, I see her. I can just take her right across the street to Luther's hotel. All I need is some money for the room. -That was quick. When you been in prison three years, it don't take long. Let's go. -When you been in prison three years, it don't take long. Let's go. Why? -Why? Luther's on the move... -Notice something funny about that bus? Yeah. It missed the last four stops. -Hey, how'd my car get here? I had it impounded. Come on, we'll use it for haulin' you back to the slam. -I had it impounded. Come on, we'll use it for haulin' you back to the slam. Back to jail in my own car. Ganz got away. Got all my money. It just don't seem right. -Back to jail in my own car. Ganz got away. Got all my money. It just don't seem right. I don't know about you, but I could use a drink... I'll buy you one. It'll be my good-bye present. -Sorry we didn't do better, Jack. I feel like I let you down. Naw, you didn't let me down. It was a long shot all the way. We gave 'em a good run at it. -Naw, you didn't let me down. It was a long shot all the way. We gave 'em a good run at it. Yeah, but we didn't get 'em. -It's late, they're closing... Don't worry about it. -Yeah, well the only woman of the Indian's we ran into was shacked up with her dyke girlfriend. I guess she went with him before she came outta the Closet ... They both looked mad enough to kill him... Yeah, too bad. They were real nice lookin' too...In bed together, hardly any clothes one watching TV... -Do I get to kiss her too? If she's right, and if you don't screw up. -What if your girl's theory turns out to be bullshit? I mean, they could be in Rio de Janeiro. I've got to play it rough with them. If they know anything, I'm gonna know it. -Hey, there she is... Whatever play I maker just back me up. -Whatever play I maker just back me up. If we run into Billy first, let me try and talk him in. -If we run into Billy first, let me try and talk him in. Sure, I'll give you a shot at it, but Ganz is mine. You know, that big Indian plays it for keeps... -Sure, I'll give you a shot at it, but Ganz is mine. You know, that big Indian plays it for keeps... Yeah, and I know Ganz sure ain't no sweetheart... I wouldn't like it if this partnership ended before it gets started. -Yeah, and I know Ganz sure ain't no sweetheart... I wouldn't like it if this partnership ended before it gets started. Partnership? -Partnership? Well, you got to admit we come a long way. -You okay? Yeah. But I wasn't there for a second. -Yeah. But I wasn't there for a second. You did pick a real strange time to go and be brave all on your own... -Okay, reggie, start bustin' my chops... Tell me how great you were with that chick. Hey, Jack, real men don't have to go in for that macho bullshit ... but I was fantastic. -Wait a minute, Cates. I've been waitin' three years for that. I don't think it's fair, man. What about the merit system.? You were gonnna give me a few thousand. There's nothin' to talk about. -It's your money. It'll be here in six months when you get out. And you're tellin' me you don't want any of this cash? -And you're tellin' me you don't want any of this cash? That's right. Not my style, Reggie.. -That's right. Not my style, Reggie.. You are an awesomely weird cop. Sure wish there were more like you runnin' around out here. -You are an awesomely weird cop. Sure wish there were more like you runnin' around out here. No, you don't. If I ever get word of you steppin' over the line again, I'm gonna ventilate that suit of yours. -No, you don't. If I ever get word of you steppin' over the line again, I'm gonna ventilate that suit of yours. Spare met Jack. I'm into legit investments from here on in. -Thanks. No trouble, Jack. But, listen, suppose I stay a crook? Where'd you get the idea that you could catch me? -I want to be left alone on this one. Algren was killed with my gun. Yeah, I read the report... -Hey, the bastard's got my gun. I want it back. Jack, come on, there is an official department policy about cop killings. Cop killers represent a special priority because any man crazy enough to kill a cop is a greater threat to an unarmed civilian... In other words, we can't seen like we're in the revenge business... I know, we all know the truth's a little different. -Yeah... Anthing botherin' you besides losin' your gun? -Anthing botherin' you besides losin' your gun? Yeah. It bothers me when cops get hurt while I'm makin' a play. I don't like it. -Yeah. It bothers me when cops get hurt while I'm makin' a play. I don't like it. You might be more of a team player and a little less of a hot dog on this one, Jack. -You might be more of a team player and a little less of a hot dog on this one, Jack. Being a hot dog's worked pretty well for me so far... Besides, I got a lead... -Being a hot dog's worked pretty well for me so far... Besides, I got a lead... Okay. You're not a team player. You gotta do things your own way. Fine. Nail this guy and make us all look good. But you better watch your ass. If you screw up, I can promise you, you're goin' down. -Okay. You're not a team player. You gotta do things your own way. Fine. Nail this guy and make us all look good. But you better watch your ass. If you screw up, I can promise you, you're goin' down. You really know how to send a guy out with a great attitude. He starts to go. -You really know how to send a guy out with a great attitude. He starts to go. Jack? -Jack? Yeah? -Yeah? Try not to get your ass shot to pieces. We got enough dead cops on this one. -Try not to get your ass shot to pieces. We got enough dead cops on this one. I'll keep it in mind. -What the bell happened? I lost them, that's what happened. -I lost them, that's what happened. How did they get away? -How did they get away? They ran. As fast as they could. Caught a train. -Which one pulled the trigger? The Indian. I was about 30 yards away. -The Indian. I was about 30 yards away. You couldn't get to him? -What a screw-up. Right. I screwed up. I fucked up. I messed up. Anybody could have done better, especially you. I bet you're real good at hitting targets through crowds. -Don't duck the bullet Cates. Why didn't you call in for backup instead of makin' a grandstand play? I didn't have the time. -I didn't have the time. Too bad, it would've covered your ass. Now you're in the shit and so's the department. In case you haven't noticed, this wasn't our finest hour... I told you everyone was watchin' on this one. Maybe you better start thinkin' about writin' tickets off a three wheel bike. -He's got more brains and more guts in one corner of his asshole than any cop I've worked with. Just cause you say it with conviction don't mean shit to me... How you gonna take to a pink slip, huh?. -Where the Christ do you think you're going? I'm taking my prisoner back to jail. -That's what you say, Cates... Yeah. -Yeah. But that's what you say about all of us all the tine ... we're always the ones fucking up when you tell it... -But that's what you say about all of us all the tine ... we're always the ones fucking up when you tell it... The truth hurts, doesn't it, buddy? -Somebody steals your gun, you're supposed to file a report. Are you gonna tell me about police procedure? Do me a favor, don't give me a bunch of crap. -Are you gonna tell me about police procedure? Do me a favor, don't give me a bunch of crap. I guess when two cops die on account of your fuck up you want to keep it as quiet as possible... -Is that what this guy Ganz had in the hotel? Every last bit of it. The big guy's room was empty. -Every last bit of it. The big guy's room was empty. I'll help you out. -This guy must have had a .44 like yours, Jack. Now he's got yours. Shit. -Billy Bear... Backup man from the East Bay. Worked with Ganz a few years ago and sprung him from the road gang. -Who are all these? They all pulled a bunch of jobs with Ganz about four years ago. -They all pulled a bunch of jobs with Ganz about four years ago. Wait a minute, wait a minute... who's this? -Wait a minute, wait a minute... who's this? Uhh ... Wong, Henry Wong. He was in on the same job. -Tell me that's not the same guy. Hey ... Dick Tracy. -I think I wanna have a discussion about it with any of the ones still walking. Can we find them? Here's the file. Cates checks the file. -Here's the file. Cates checks the file. One of em's in the slam. -You look awful. So do you...been a long day. -So do you...been a long day. Long night, too, from what I heard ... Word's going around that in addition to losing Ganz for the second time, and in addition to Haden busting you back to Patrolman, some jig beat the crap out of you. -Long night, too, from what I heard ... Word's going around that in addition to losing Ganz for the second time, and in addition to Haden busting you back to Patrolman, some jig beat the crap out of you. Aw, bullshit, you heard wrong. -Aw, bullshit, you heard wrong. Doesn't look like it. -Doesn't look like it. Nothing came in for me yet? No calls? -Nothing came in for me yet? No calls? Nothing. -Bullshit red tape. I'm heading out. How about you? -I got to wait for a call. Okay. See you in the morning... you know, you ought to get some rest... -I almost forgot. That pal of yours from the Vice Squad wants you to call him. What? -Jesus Christ. Why the hell didn't you tell me before? I'm not paid to take your personal calls. He was in some bar. .. off duty. -A cop... I sure ain't his fairy godmother... now I'm looking for Ganz...where is he? -I sure ain't his fairy godmother... now I'm looking for Ganz...where is he? Haven't seen him for years. That's the truth. -Haven't seen him for years. That's the truth. You just took a shot at me, asshole. I think you do know where he is. -You just took a shot at me, asshole. I think you do know where he is. Who gives a fuck what you think? -Ganz and Billy got my girl, Rosalie. I think I met her. Now tell us something we don't know, like where they stashed her. -I think I met her. Now tell us something we don't know, like where they stashed her. I don't know. -He ... he wants me to help him skip town. When? How? -When? How? I dunno ... he's gonna call me... -What am I wanted for? I don't answer questions, I ask 'em... -I don't think your gun's loaded... This is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. You gotta ask yourself just one question. Are you feelin' lucky? -This is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. You gotta ask yourself just one question. Are you feelin' lucky? I still don't think it's loaded. -Hey, you're right. You're hopeless. -You're hopeless. That's the way I see it, too. -I'm all wet. What's wrong with that? -A guy in the bar called me a dumb bitch today. What'd you do? -What'd you do? Irrigated his face with the shot of J and B I'd just poured him. Then I tried to deck the sucker. -Irrigated his face with the shot of J and B I'd just poured him. Then I tried to deck the sucker. I guess he got the message... -I guess he got the message... Then I sit back and I think, I mean, who's to say I'm not a dumb bitch. I work in a bar, right? I can't read a list of my academic credentials to every booze-hound that comes in the place... You are what you do... -Then I sit back and I think, I mean, who's to say I'm not a dumb bitch. I work in a bar, right? I can't read a list of my academic credentials to every booze-hound that comes in the place... You are what you do... Positive self-image problem all over again ... You are who you decide you are unless you're the type that lets assholes decide for you. -Positive self-image problem all over again ... You are who you decide you are unless you're the type that lets assholes decide for you. Aren't you the one that thinks all psychotherapy is bullshit? -Aren't you the one that thinks all psychotherapy is bullshit? I do think all psychotherapy is bullshit. But just because I think it's bullshit doesn't mean I don't know something about it. -I do think all psychotherapy is bullshit. But just because I think it's bullshit doesn't mean I don't know something about it. If this is your idea of sympathetic interest in my problems, I'll take brutal indifference. -If this is your idea of sympathetic interest in my problems, I'll take brutal indifference. Hey, you know what I really think? -Hey, you know what I really think? Tell me--I'm dyin' to hear it. -Tell me--I'm dyin' to hear it. I think you're ashamed to tend bar which is sad because you look great in that outfit they make you wear... You pull down four bills a week which is damn good, and you mix the best Pina Coladas I've ever had... I think that if you need bigger and better things ... then go for em. -You know, if you let me come over to your place once in a while, you could put on a clean shirt in the morning. What makes you think I have any clean shirts at my place? -Maybe you ought to buy me one. Maybe I would if I knew when you were coming back. -That's a fairly crummy way to start a morning. Maybe I got a fairly crummy day ahead. -Maybe I got a fairly crummy day ahead. Maybe that makes a nice excuse. -Maybe that makes a nice excuse. Maybe you don't know what the hell you're talking about. -When you start with that attitude... it's like I don't know who you are. What do you want to know? What difference does it make? I'm the guy in your bed the last three months. I make you feel good. You make me feel good. What the hell else do you want from a guy? -What do you want to know? What difference does it make? I'm the guy in your bed the last three months. I make you feel good. You make me feel good. What the hell else do you want from a guy? I wish you'd stop trying to make me mad so I won't care for you... I wish you'd give me a little more of a chance. -You know something, Jack, you really are hopeless. That's the way I see it, too. -That's the way I see it, too. Call me later. -Call me later. You sure you want me to? -You sure you want me to? Yeah, for some reason, I'm sure... -Thanks for the coffee. I think you forgot this. Hands him his wallet and badge... -I think you forgot this. Hands him his wallet and badge... Guess people ought to know who I am... -Great place for lunch. Yeah, one of my favorites. -Yeah, one of my favorites. You made the front page. -Yeah, Guess it must have been a slow news day... Jack, are you okay? -Jack, are you okay? Sure, okay, fine, no problem... See, there's this kid in jail ... First thing I got to do is go up and see what he knows ... -Look, spare me the macho bullshit about your gun... Bullshit? I'll tell you about bullshit. My gun's a real weapon in the hands of a real maniac who knows how to use it. It isn't my macho bullshit that's killing people, my gun is ... -Bullshit? I'll tell you about bullshit. My gun's a real weapon in the hands of a real maniac who knows how to use it. It isn't my macho bullshit that's killing people, my gun is ... Look, Jack, if you make everything your personal responsibility, you'll turn into a bad cop. It's not a practical way to function... -Look, Jack, if you make everything your personal responsibility, you'll turn into a bad cop. It's not a practical way to function... I didn't get burned, two cops did. Listen, I'll tell you about personnel responsibility. I like to get the job done right. And if I don't get my job done right... I'm for shit. -I didn't get burned, two cops did. Listen, I'll tell you about personnel responsibility. I like to get the job done right. And if I don't get my job done right... I'm for shit. Here it comes again ... the sacred job... -Here it comes again ... the sacred job... That's right. I'm not like you. I'm not gonna sit on my ass wondering what's right and what's wrong... There's a psycho out there killing people with my gun and I'm gonna get him. Because it's my job. And if you don't get that... -That's right. I'm not like you. I'm not gonna sit on my ass wondering what's right and what's wrong... There's a psycho out there killing people with my gun and I'm gonna get him. Because it's my job. And if you don't get that... I get that. The job first. Everything else, especially me, second. I get it. I don't like it. -Just one. Some lady called. Said she's a little hot-headed sometimes... But she still wants her occasional roommate. She'd like to talk it over after she gets off work tonight... if it's humanly possible.... Elaine, look, I'm in the middle of sone stuff right now... I'm not gonna have time to come by. I don't know when I can get there. -Listen, Goddamn it if you think I'm happy about it, you're nuts. I just gotta take care of a few things, okay? This is not the way people who care for each other are supposed to behave. -I'm at work, asshole. Where else? Elaine! I... I'm sorry... I was expecting somebody else... police business. -Elaine! I... I'm sorry... I was expecting somebody else... police business. No wonder you're so popular. -No wonder you're so popular. No, it's I'm just surprised you called. -No, it's I'm just surprised you called. So am I. -The number ... what's the Goddamn number? Jack? What was that? -Elaine, I gotta put you on hold... Jack, wait... -Jack, wait... Just a second, that's all! -Hello. Hi, it's me... -Hi, it's me... Fuck you. -Hey, I don't believe it. Hiya, kid. -Hiya, kid. I ought to have you and your friend thrown out... -I ought to have you and your friend thrown out... Don't. We've had a hard night. -Don't. We've had a hard night. I can see that. Pardon me for saying so, but you look like shit. What happened? -I can see that. Pardon me for saying so, but you look like shit. What happened? We and my pal here have been taking it on the chin for the last few hours... -You real down? I've been better...Dead end. No Ganz, no Indian. -Nothing. No sign of Ganz. No sign of the Indian. Airport's clean. Train station. Bus station. Docks... Shit... Ganz is going to be hard to track. Just a pure schizo ... wires all crossed... totally without any pattern... kill anybody... The Indian... himself... anybody... -Ganz is going to be hard to track. Just a pure schizo ... wires all crossed... totally without any pattern... kill anybody... The Indian... himself... anybody... How do you know? -How do you know? Jack, it's all over the papers. He's an obvious type. But this Indian... -What makes you think they were lesbians, or as you so quaintly put it, dykes? Come on, they were a little old for a slumber party. -Come on, they were a little old for a slumber party. It might pay to reexamine a few of your more primitive notions. I was in bed with a girlfriend watching TV last week, Jack, and one thing we know about me is I happen not to be a lesbian ... Now, if this Indian's girlfriend got upset when you came looking for him, it could just be she's still vulnerable to him. -It might pay to reexamine a few of your more primitive notions. I was in bed with a girlfriend watching TV last week, Jack, and one thing we know about me is I happen not to be a lesbian ... Now, if this Indian's girlfriend got upset when you came looking for him, it could just be she's still vulnerable to him. So what? -So what? When a guy hurts you, then comes back bleeding on his hands and knees, who knows, he might just be irrestible. -When a guy hurts you, then comes back bleeding on his hands and knees, who knows, he might just be irrestible. Hey, Come on, shrink time's over. They wouldn't go see some old girlfriend. -Hey, Come on, shrink time's over. They wouldn't go see some old girlfriend. Oh, yeah, well look where you came when you were down and out. -Whaddya think? What do I know? I'm just a bartender. -What do I know? I'm just a bartender. Let's go, Reggie. -How'd they take it back at headquarters? Usual bullshit. You make one smart move and everybody wants to be your friend... You know somethin', shootin' guys sucks. Especially compared to this. -Usual bullshit. You make one smart move and everybody wants to be your friend... You know somethin', shootin' guys sucks. Especially compared to this. I've been waiting a long time to hear you say that. -I've been waiting a long time to hear you say that. Yeah, bein' a hard-ass all the time is a real drag, but it works. -Three more hours... Where is he? -Where is he? Promised I'd turn my back while he... ah, never mind... -Promised I'd turn my back while he... ah, never mind... Tell me. -Tell me. He's takin' care of the same business I'll be takin' care of - soon as I dry off. -You're impossible... That's what I always say. -Who the hell are you? Name's Hammond, Reggie Hammond. I heard a lot about you. And any friend of Jack's is a friend of mine. -I'm not so sure I can say the same thing...You don't look like a cop. Well, I been workin' the other side of the street for the last few years. And you don't exactly look like a shrink, wearin' that dress... -Well, I been workin' the other side of the street for the last few years. And you don't exactly look like a shrink, wearin' that dress... Shrink major, not a shrink. -Hard man to live with. How would you know? -How would you know? Hey, two days with him is enough. -Hey, two days with him is enough. That's no bull. -He was the only one of my bunch that was my friend... He was loyal, went all the way for you... In all due respect, he sounds kind of pathetic to me. The kind of guy that runs home to his momma or some girlfriend. Have you two ace detectives checked that out? -Hey... Shut up. -Shut up. What the hell's wrong? I didn't do anything. -What do you want? What's goin' on? Shut up. -Stall. What do you want? -Keep stallin'. Alright, I'm coming...hold on. -How hot are they? Hot? Hey, they're not even room temperature. -How ya doin'? Can't complain. -Can't complain. We got a lot to talk about. -We got a lot to talk about. Yeah, old times. -Yeah, old times. We'll follow you. Take it slow,okay? -We'll follow you. Take it slow,okay? Sure, right. -Surprise, Luther. Whaddya want? I thought you were locked up- -Whaddya want? I thought you were locked up- I want the money, asshole, what do you think? The money that Reggie hid... -I want the money, asshole, what do you think? The money that Reggie hid... I don't know what you're talkin' about. -I don't know what you're talkin' about. You want that Indian to snap her neck? -Instead of worryin' about Reggie, you better worry about me... Don't give me this, we were partners. -Don't give me this, we were partners. Billy, go ahead, break it... -Billy, go ahead, break it... No! Don't kill her. I can get you the money. -No! Don't kill her. I can get you the money. When? -When? I can't get it until Monday. Honest. -I can't get it until Monday. Honest. You chickenshit punk... -You chickenshit punk... Honest. The place we stashed it opens Monday morning. I can't get it till then. Monday morning, that's when it opens. After that, I'll get the money to you right away... -Come on, you can trust me. Please. You try to mess with us or go to the cops, I promise you, I'll put holes in her you wouldn't believe. -Let her go. First, the money. -Rosalie, you okay? What are you talkin' about? I said I wouldn't hurt her. -How you doing, man? Not bad, not bad. -You want to go outside? Naw, right here's okay. -You sure? I'm sure. Everybody here's looking at everybody else's ass. -How about some ammo? It's loaded... I got some shells in here. -How much? This is clean shit. No serial numbers and never been used... -This is clean shit. No serial numbers and never been used... Don't mess with me. How much? -Don't mess with me. How much? Five bills. -Five bills. Five. On credit. -Five. On credit. This ain't a credit business. -Yeah, I know that, but this is me and we're old friends. I haven't got the money so what are you gonna do about it? Give it back. -Give it back. Try and take it. -Fuck you. You got no right for this kind of play. I'll got your money to you. No sweat. -Appipulai Leeloo Minai.. Corn-i-Lius? -Corn-i-Lius? At your service. -What're you laughing about? Napoleon... small. -The case..with the stones... Where is it? San Agamat chay bet... envolet! -San Agamat chay bet... envolet! The case was stolen? -Ikset-kiba. Me imanetaba oum dalat! You know exactly where they are! -Vano da, mechteba?! Soun domo kala chon hammas! No, I'm not proud of myself... But we don't have the luxury of choice. -Akta dedero ansila do mektet. I can't pretend to be your husband... David's in great shape. -...We're saved! I'm fucked! -Zorg. Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg... nice to see you again I remember you now..the so called art dealer. -I remember you now..the so called art dealer. I'm glad you got your memory back, Father... Because you're going to need it... Where are the stones? -I'm glad you got your memory back, Father... Because you're going to need it... Where are the stones? ...Why on earth do the stones interest you? -...Why on earth do the stones interest you? Personally, they are of no interest to me, I'd rather sell weapons..but I have a customer... so tell me... -Personally, they are of no interest to me, I'd rather sell weapons..but I have a customer... so tell me... Even it I did know where the stones were I would never tell somebody like you. -Even it I did know where the stones were I would never tell somebody like you. Why? What's wrong with me? -Why? What's wrong with me? ...I'm a priest! I'm here to serve life, All you want to do is destroy it. -...I'm a priest! I'm here to serve life, All you want to do is destroy it. Ah, Father... You are so wrong. Let me explain... -...would you like a drink? No thank you. -No thank you. Follow me.. Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction. Look at this empty glass. -...Look at all these little things... so busy all of a sudden. Notice how each one is useful. What a lovely ballet, so full of form and color. So full of..life! They are robots! -Father, by creating a little destruction, I am, in fact, encouraging life! So, in reality, you and I are in the same business! Destroying a glass is one thing..killing people with the weapons you produce is quite another. -Destroying a glass is one thing..killing people with the weapons you produce is quite another. Let me reassure you Father..I will never kill more people in my entire life than religion has killed in the last 2000 years. -You are a monster, Zorg! I know... -Excuse me, I'm looking for a priest. Weddings are one floor down. Congratulations. -She's not my bride, she's my fare. She's looking for this Vito Cornelius. According to the phone guide he lives here. That's me. But I don't know who she is... where did you find her? -That's me. But I don't know who she is... where did you find her? She dropped in on me... holding this. -Who are you? I brought the girl remember? -I brought the girl remember? The girl? -He's a she! You noticed... -You noticed... There's not a moment to lose! Wake her up, but be gentle about it! This woman is mankind's most precious possession! She is... perfect! -There's not a moment to lose! Wake her up, but be gentle about it! This woman is mankind's most precious possession! She is... perfect! So you do know her. -So you do know her. Uh yes, we're cousins..distant cousins.. -They all like this in your family, father? She's an exception.. -She's an exception.. Thank you so much for your help Mr...? -Thank you so much for your help Mr...? Dallas. Korben Dallas. -Yes. That's fine! Thank you very much. A thousand times over! I might call to check up on her, you know... to see if she's better? -I might call to check up on her, you know... to see if she's better? She's fine, really..don't you worry.. just needs some rest..she's had a very long trip. -She's fine, really..don't you worry.. just needs some rest..she's had a very long trip. I know. I was there when she arrived. -Excuse me! Just one thing! She said something to me a while ago and... I don't really get it... Akta Gamat? "It means, ""Never without my permission""." -"It means, ""Never without my permission""." That's what I thought. -I'm sorry to have to resort to such methods, but we heard about your good luck on he radio and we need the tickets to Fhloston. Is that the usual way priests go on vacation? -Is that the usual way priests go on vacation? We're not going on vacation..we're on a mission.. -We're not going on vacation..we're on a mission.. What kind of mission? -What kind of mission? We have to save the world. -We have to save the world. Good luck.. -Good luck.. Of course. -Of course. Father, I was in the Army for awhile and every time they told us we were on a mission to save the world the only thing that changed was I lost a lot of friends. So thanks for the offer.. but no thanks. -What are you doing? Trying to save your ass so you can save the world. -You're probably very angry with me and I quite understand. But I want you to know I'm fighting for a noble cause. Yeah, I know... to save the world... but right now all I want to do is save Leeloo. -Yeah, I know... to save the world... but right now all I want to do is save Leeloo. Leeloo's in trouble? -Leeloo's in trouble? When is she not in trouble? -When is she not in trouble? Uh.. Have you tried the Diva's suite? -Don't tell me you don't know how all this works? Theoretically, yes! The four Stones form the beam and the Fifth Element is supposed to stand in the middle there, but... I don't have the reference book. I've never seen the Stones work! -There's no light! You told me there were supposed to be four beams of light. Yes, of course, but... The Stones are shut! They have to be open for it to work. -Yes, of course, but... The Stones are shut! They have to be open for it to work. And you don't know how they open, is that what you are saying? -And you don't know how they open, is that what you are saying? That's what I'm saying. -Imagine for a moment that this. thing is not anything that can be identified because it prefers not to be, because it is the antithesis of all we are. Because it is evil.. TOTAL EVIL. One more reason to shoot first eh? -Your theory is interesting Father but I don't think we have time to go into it right now! Time is of no importance, Mr. President. Only life is important. -Time is of no importance, Mr. President. Only life is important. That's exactly what we are going to try and do: Protect the lives of some 200 billion of our fellow citizens! General? You may fire when ready. -We have forty-eight hours, the time it needs to adapt itself to our living conditions. And then? -And then? And then it will be too late. The goal of evil is to wipe out life! All forms of life. For all eternity...Life upsets it. -Is there anything that can stop it? Yes..thank God.. -But what happens if instead of this... Ultimate Warrior... it is EVIL who stands here? White turns to black. Light to Dark. Life to Death. For all eternity. -Did you see that..thing..swallow our battleship like a gum drop? You can't even tell me what it is! I ask you for options you give me bullshit. Give them permission to enter our territories with my warmest regards. Thank you, Mr. President. -What are we going to do? This is government business now. You ought to go home and get some rest, Father. -It's a miracle!!! What is? -What is? I can't wear these clothes! This calls for dignity! I have to dress the part! -Father, will you please explain what's going on? The Supreme Being, the fifth element is here, in our parish!!! It's a miracle!!! -Father. You sure she's the Supreme Being? Absolutely sure There's the triple suns on her gloves! -What's she doing? Learning our history! The last 5000 years that she missed! She's been out of circulation a while, you know. -Uh father, I know she's been through a lot... but the sacred stones..we don't have much time.. Yes. Of course.. -There was this guy with a limp who came a month ago..said he was an art dealer ... Asking all these questions about the Sacred Stones..at the time I didn't think anything of it.. What was his name? I'm so bad with names... I didn't know your size. -They really made her... Perfect. -I got it! Everything here we need to know about Fhloston Paradise Hotel... and a detailed blueprint of the entire hotel! Good work, my son. Now all we need is a way to get there. -Where's Leeloo? On the plane... with Mr. Dallas... the real one. -On the plane... with Mr. Dallas... the real one. It's all my fault. I'm the servant... It's my mission! Here! -You're all safe. Thanks be to God! Later, David! Later! There's not a minute to lose! -You're a good man... She was right to have chosen you... Who? -Who? The Fifth Element... The Supreme Being... Your wife... -Leeloo... is... she's... Yes, and more than that... You must give her the Stones, she's the only one who knows how to use them. -Yes, and more than that... You must give her the Stones, she's the only one who knows how to use them. ...So Cornelius was telling the truth! -She was taught to love the life of others... but not her own. You have to teach her to love if you want her to truly live! I'll help her, I promise, but I think you should tell me where the Stones are! -I'll help her, I promise, but I think you should tell me where the Stones are! Do you love her? -Do you love her? I... I don't know! We hardly know each other... it takes time! -I... I don't know! We hardly know each other... it takes time! I don't have time... I need to know. -I don't have time... I need to know. Listen, the last time I admitted to a woman I loved her ... I never saw her again. -Listen, the last time I admitted to a woman I loved her ... I never saw her again. I would like to have died in peace... -I'm sorry, but... the Stones... They are... with me... -Yeah? Hey bud! Finger here. -I love you too Major, but you haven't called me that since basic training. I was talking to the cat. -I was talking to the cat. Oh, yeah, I forgot.You still prefer your cat to the real thing. -At least, the cat comes back. You still pining for that two timing bitch. Forget her. There are a million women out there. -You still pining for that two timing bitch. Forget her. There are a million women out there. I don't want a million - I just want one. A perfect one. -I don't want a million - I just want one. A perfect one. Don't exist bud. -I just found a picture of you. How do I look? -How do I look? Like shit. -I don't need one. You forgetting who sat next to you for a thousand missions. I know how you drive. -You forgetting who sat next to you for a thousand missions. I know how you drive. Finger! I'm driving a cab now, not a space fighter!! -Finger! I'm driving a cab now, not a space fighter!! How many points you got left on your license? -How many points you got left on your license? Uh... at least fifty. -Uh... at least fifty. In your dreams! See you tonight! -Hello? Hey bud...I'm waiting all day here. -Hey bud...I'm waiting all day here. Finger..man..I'm sorry..listen..I was on the way over but I had a fare fall into my lap.. y'know one of those big fares you just can't resist.. -Finger..man..I'm sorry..listen..I was on the way over but I had a fare fall into my lap.. y'know one of those big fares you just can't resist.. So, just how big was this fare? -So, just how big was this fare? "5'7"", green eyes... long legs... great skin... perfect.." -Uh huh..and I don't suppose you got the name of this..perfect fare.. Leeloo.. -Akina delutan, nou-shan. ...'Scuse me? -Daya deo dono Dato. Dalutan! It there's one thing I don't need advice on, it's how to drive. -...Priest... You're not that bad... Come on we'll get you to a doctor. -Vito... Cor... Ni-lious... Priest... Vito Cornelius? -Eto Akta Gamat! I'm sorry, it's just that... I was told to wake you up gently, so I figured... -...What's your name? Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat. -Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat. Hey, that's... cute... Do you have a nickname, something a little... shorter? -Hey, that's... cute... Do you have a nickname, something a little... shorter? ...Leeloo. -The Fifth Element... Take them and put them in a safe place. -Will the elements be gone now forever from this place? When mankind comes to its senses. We will return. -When mankind comes to its senses. We will return. Knowing mankind as I do, that could take centuries! -Knowing mankind as I do, that could take centuries! Time is of no importance, only life is important. -When EVIL returns so shall we. We will be ready, Lord. -...Hello? You're the nastiest dirtbag I know in this stinking City! -You're the nastiest dirtbag I know in this stinking City! Hi Ma... -Hi Ma... I've been playing twice a week for 20 years, 20 years I've been eating those shitty croquettes. -Are you listening to me, you ingrate! Yes ma.. -Other than that... You all right? ...And now you're making fun of me? I'm warning you! If you don't take me after all these years of sacrifice, I'll never forgive you!! -I'm coming!. Ma, what're you talking about? I get it! You want to make me beg, is that it? -I get it! You want to make me beg, is that it? All I want is an explanation! I just got in, I lost my job. I smashed my cab. I got mugged, but other than that everything's peachy, Ma, thanks for asking!! Now settle down and explain to me calmly.. -You just won a trip, you dolt! Ten days in Fhloston Paradise for two! Ma. If I'd won, I'd know about it. Someone would have notified me. -Ma. If I'd won, I'd know about it. Someone would have notified me. They've been blaring out your name on the radio for the last hour, blockhead! -Yeah? Have you pulled yourself together? -Have you pulled yourself together? ...Not yet. -Hello? You little sleaze bag! -You little sleaze bag! ...Ma??? -...Ma??? Don't you ever ask me for another thing in my life again, you've killed your poor mother with your own hands! -Welcome on board Mr. Dallas.. How you doing this morning? Sleep OK? I didn't. -Fuel level 6.03..Propulsion 2x4... I had the worst goddamn nightmare. -I had the worst goddamn nightmare. You have nine points left on your license.. -You have nine points left on your license.. Thanks for reminding me.. -I'm sorry.. This is a police control action.. -30 seconds... Anyone know how to release the lines on this crate? -6... 5... Found it? -...Hi. Does it get any better or what! -...Quiver ladies, he's gonna set the world on fire right here from 5 to 7! You'll know everything there is to know about the D-man. His dreams, his desires, his most intimate of intimates. And from what I'm looking at intimate is the stud muffin's middle name. So tell me my main man... you nervous in the service? Uh... not really. -I didn't come here to play Dumbo on the radio. So tomorrow between 5 and 7 give yourself a hand, that clear pal? Crystal. -My main man! Please don't leave me here alone. My head's killing me and my adoring fans are gonna tear me apart! Get me outta here! I'll take you to the bar, after that, you're on your own. -I'll take you to the bar, after that, you're on your own. Oh, yes! Do that! You treat me right, man. Tell me all about yourself, your roots, your personal life, your childhood dreams... -Oh, yes! Do that! You treat me right, man. Tell me all about yourself, your roots, your personal life, your childhood dreams... I don't think this is a good time... -I don't think this is a good time... ...You got brothers and sisters? What about your dad? Tell me about your dad! What was he like? Physically? Big, I suppose? -...You got brothers and sisters? What about your dad? Tell me about your dad! What was he like? Physically? Big, I suppose? Yeah, very big, a giant. -Yeah, very big, a giant. I didn't have a dad... never saw him... never even heard him. 50 billion people listen to me every day... and he doesn't hear me... -You don't do what I say... I'll waste you myself. Got it? Got it... -Six to the left. One to the right. He's on vacation. -He's on vacation. We got to find the leader. Mangalores don't fight without a leader. -Maybe we oughta be going, what do you think? Not without Leeloo. -Like Korben, can I have 30 seconds of your time here? I'll be right back. -You know how to fly this thing? It's like a cab isn't it? -I don't even know what I'm looking for! Fuck it! Hold tight! -Solid little jobs, aren't they? Dear listeners, your favorite DJ is alive and kicking. It's seven o'clock and time for the news. Tune in tomorrow for another adventure. -What did you say? What did you do? Nothing! Swear to God, I didn't do nothing! -Nothing! Swear to God, I didn't do nothing! Look, you did something that set it off. Try to remember. Concentrate. Tell me exactly what you did!! -Is that all? Yeah... then I sighed... like this. -Major Dallas, if our calculations are correct you still have 57 hours owed to the Federal Army on your enlistment which is more than you will need for a mission of the utmost importance. What mission? -What mission? To save the world. -To save the world. Where have I heard this song before? -Where have I heard this song before? You're to leave immediately for Fhloston Paradise. Retrieve four Stones from the Diva Plavalaguna. And bring them back with the utmost discretion as possible. Any questions'? -You're to leave immediately for Fhloston Paradise. Retrieve four Stones from the Diva Plavalaguna. And bring them back with the utmost discretion as possible. Any questions'? Just one... why me? -Just one... why me? Three reasons... One: As part of The Elite Special Forces Unit of the Federated Army you are an expert in the use of all weapons and spacecraft needed for this mission. -Two: Of all the members of your unit you were the most highly decorated. And the third one? -And the third one? You're the only one left alive... -Don't you open your messages? I've had enough good news for today -I've had enough good news for today You have won the annual Gemini contest and a trip to Fhloston Paradise. For two. Congratulations. Here are your tickets. -You couldn't come up with something a little more discreet? Old tricks are the best tricks eh? -Old tricks are the best tricks eh? I'm not going. -I'm not going. Why not? -Why not? One reason... I want to stay the only one left alive. -...Shit! What is it? -It's my wife. I thought you were divorced. -I thought you were divorced. I mean my future.. my ex.. My future ex.. if she sees you here I'm finished. She hates you guys. It's what killed us in the first place. Please... -...Sorry, General, but we've got no choice! It'll only take a minute! Let me set up another meeting and I'll be back. Three of us will never fit in there! -Three of us will never fit in there! Oh, yes you will... -Apipoulai! "I suppose that means ""Hi"" ?" -Valo massa... Chacha hamas. Uh..you're welcome. -You hear that? Cornelius.. -Cornelius.. Oh god! -Dinoine chagantakat! Took the words right out of my mouth. Go on... I'll be right with you. It's our honeymoon. We're going to use the trip to get to know each other better. -Apipoulai! Not hard to find you...just follow the Chaos... -Love... "Yes! But ""love"" isn't the operative word here, PEACE is!" -Sometimes you can't learn everything from a screen..sometimes it's better to ask someone who has experience.. What is... Make Love? -Finished what? Learning language. -Learning language. Which one? -Which one? All 900. -You learned 900 languages in five minutes?! Yes! Now it's your turn! I learned your language, you have to learn mine! -Yes! Now it's your turn! I learned your language, you have to learn mine! "I know how to say ""Hello"". Teach me how to say ""Good-bye"", that's all I need." -"I know how to say ""Hello"". Teach me how to say ""Good-bye"", that's all I need." Apipoussan! -Apipoussan! Apipoussan? -Apipoussan? "Good! Do you know how we say ""make love""?" -"Good! Do you know how we say ""make love""?" Uh... -Uh... ...Hoppi-hoppa. -Here we go again... You know women normally change five times more than men. -You know women normally change five times more than men. You get that off the screen? -You get that off the screen? Yes... you know there's a lot of differences between men women. -Yes... you know there's a lot of differences between men women. You noticed.. -You noticed.. OK, you can turn around! -Where you going? I'm going to see the Diva sing. What's the matter?... Do I look bad? -I'm going to see the Diva sing. What's the matter?... Do I look bad? No, not at all! I mean, just the opposite, you're... you're beautiful! -I told you I need to work in peace. Remember? I need to concentrate. And you can't concentrate with me around?. -And you can't concentrate with me around?. It's difficult. -You're nothing but a... a... The words you're looking for weren't in the dictionary you studied. I won't be long. -I'm so very sad. Why? We did pretty well, wouldn't you say? -Why? We did pretty well, wouldn't you say? Five hundred wars... Arms... Drugs... Money... Everything you create is used to destroy... -Five hundred wars... Arms... Drugs... Money... Everything you create is used to destroy... I told you not to read all that crap! -I told you not to read all that crap! Protect life... Until death. -Leeloo? The Stones! We have to open them! How does it work? The wind blows... the fire burns... -The wind blows... the fire burns... I know all that, Leeloo! I'm talking about the Stones. -I know all that, Leeloo! I'm talking about the Stones. ...The rain falls... -It's up to you now, Angel! I'm so tired... -I'm so tired... You can sleep tomorrow... come on... -You can sleep tomorrow... come on... I want to sleep... forever... -I want to sleep... forever... Leeloo! Listen to me! I'll take you on a vacation afterwards! A real vacation, this time, for as long as you want. Come on! You can do it! -What's the use of saving lives... when you see what you do with them! You're right but there are lots of good things... beautiful things... -You're right but there are lots of good things... beautiful things... ...Like love... -...Like love... Exactly. -Exactly. But I don't know love... I'm like a machine programmed to save other people's lives but never to have one of my own. -I have thousands of memories but none of them are mine... There is no need for me other than this. I'm immortal but I have no life. Yes, you do! I need you. More than you can imagine! Stand up straight! -Yes, you do! I need you. More than you can imagine! Stand up straight! Why?... Why would you need me? -Why?... Why would you need me? Because... -Tell me... I love you... -Not going to open? I've never gotten a message that wasn't bad news. -I've never gotten a message that wasn't bad news. How someone strong like you scared from a message? Is good news I sure! -How someone strong like you scared from a message? Is good news I sure! The last two messages I got? The first one was from my wife telling me she was leaving! And the second was from my lawyer telling me he was leaving too... with my wife. -The last two messages I got? The first one was from my wife telling me she was leaving! And the second was from my lawyer telling me he was leaving too... with my wife. "You right that is bad.. but mathematically luck must change! Grandfather say: ""It never rain every day."" This is good news guarantee.. I bet you lunch!" -At least I won lunch. Good philosophy..see good in bad.. I like..I prepare number one dessert.. special for you and pussy.. -The cash man! Been here long? -Been here long? Don't fuck with me man or I'll blow you into tomorrow! -Isn't that a Z140? Alleviated titanium. Neuro charged assault model? Uh.. -Uh.. You know you could hurt someone with this puppy..good thing it's not loaded.. -It's not? You gotta push the little yellow button... -Thanks.. You're welcome.. -This is all that survived? Actually only one cell survived.. -Actually only one cell survived.. Have you identified it? -Have you identified it? It's not that easy..we've never encountered anything like it before..you see normal human beings have 40 DNA memo groums..which is more than enough for any species to perpetuate itself..This one has 200,000. -It's not that easy..we've never encountered anything like it before..you see normal human beings have 40 DNA memo groums..which is more than enough for any species to perpetuate itself..This one has 200,000. Talk English Doc. -Talk English Doc. This cell is like a huge library. It has infinite genetic knowledge stored inside. Almost like it was...engineered. -This cell is like a huge library. It has infinite genetic knowledge stored inside. Almost like it was...engineered. Sounds like a freak of nature to me. -Sounds like a freak of nature to me. Yes... I can't wait to meet him. -The compositional elements of his DNA chain are the same as ours, there are simply more of them tightly packed. His knowledge is probably limitless.. Is there any danger? Some kind of virus? -Is there any danger? Some kind of virus? We put it through the cellular hygiene detector. The cell is for lack of a better word... perfect. -...This is the crucial phase, The reconstruction of pigment. Cells are bombarded with slightly greasy solar atoms which forces the body cells to react, to protect themselves. That means growing skin. Clever, eh? Wonderful! -This thing solid? An elephant couldn't crack it. -Mr. President, let me introduce you to Professor Mactilburgh, who runs the center. It's an honor to receive you. Mr. President. -I managed to contact the Mondoshawan. They deplore the incident, but accept our apologies. And the Stones? Did you find them in the wreckage? -And the Stones? Did you find them in the wreckage? The-Stones weren't aboard the ship. -The-Stones weren't aboard the ship. ...What do you mean? -I want your best man on this! Don't worry, Sir. I have the perfect one. -They just landed in the desert. How much time is left? -Staedert, do you read me? I can hear you, Mr. President, but I can't see you . -Is that better? Perfect, Mr. President. -Perfect, Mr. President. I have to address the Supreme Council in 10 minutes. Just the facts, General. -I have to address the Supreme Council in 10 minutes. Just the facts, General. There are no results from the chemical and molecular analysis as of yet, all the calibers are overshot..we're hoping a thermo nucleatic imaging.. -There are no results from the chemical and molecular analysis as of yet, all the calibers are overshot..we're hoping a thermo nucleatic imaging.. What you are saying is you don't know what this..thing..is. -Not yet Sir..The only thing we know is it just keeps getting bigger! Options. -Options. Wait or act. -Wait or act. Recommendations. -Recommendations. My philosophy Mr. President is shoot first ask questions later. I don't like uninvited guests. -My philosophy Mr. President is shoot first ask questions later. I don't like uninvited guests. Gentlemen? -Staedert? What's going on? Did you destroy it? I'm about to, Mr. President. -Lord forgive me.. they already know too, much.. """..in which all the history of the Universe resides ..all the strength..all the hope..Protect us from Evil..""" -"""..in which all the history of the Universe resides ..all the strength..all the hope..Protect us from Evil..""" Amen.. -Father.. it in the most extraordinary thing.. the greatest find in history..can you imagine the implications. Only too well... here you must be parched.. -A weapon against evil. Amazing! I am going to be famous. Then let us toast to your fame! Here Billy.. -Drink! To fame.. salud.. -How's that? Can you hear me better now? Yes, Mr. Zorg, I hear you perfectly! So, how was the concert? -Yes, Mr. Zorg, I hear you perfectly! So, how was the concert? Who gives a shit! I didn't come here to listen to music! Listen up instead of running off at the mouth! The batteries on my phone are almost gone. -Who gives a shit! I didn't come here to listen to music! Listen up instead of running off at the mouth! The batteries on my phone are almost gone. Yes, Sir! -Yes, Sir! Dispatch me another ZFX200 immediately. Someone stole mine. -Dispatch me another ZFX200 immediately. Someone stole mine. Right away, Sir. I'll send you a new one to the hotel. -Right away, Sir. I'll send you a new one to the hotel. I'm not at the hotel! -Am I disturbing you? No... not at all. Where are you? -...Not far, now. Really? Maybe I can get you on my screen and see you at last! -Do you have the picture now Mr. Zorg? Got it. -Got it. How's our deal coming along? -How's our deal coming along? Fine, just fine! I'll have the 4 pieces you asked for any time now. But it wasn't easy. My costs have tripled. -The Stones will be here. I'll see to it personally! ...I can't wait to be among you. -Welcome home. Do you know how much I missed you? -What's this... have you been smoking... ? Smoking? I'm not smoking. -Smoking? I'm not smoking. Your clothing reeks of it. -Your clothing reeks of it. "You know, Amy, I've been sitting around in bars and everywhere following this guy... I mean, is this what I get first thing? Before you even ""hello,"" you accuse me... ?" -"You know, Amy, I've been sitting around in bars and everywhere following this guy... I mean, is this what I get first thing? Before you even ""hello,"" you accuse me... ?" I'm not accusing you... -I'm not accusing you... Well, I'm not smoking, okay? -Well, I'm not smoking, okay? Okay, I believe you. -Okay, I believe you. We've been all through that. I've been on my best behavior. -How's the detective business? Business was fine. I'll tell you what, you couldn't pay me enough to live down there. -Business was fine. I'll tell you what, you couldn't pay me enough to live down there. You better not be smoking, that's all I can say. -You better not be smoking, that's all I can say. Honey, I'm not, please... -I love you. I love you. -You think you'll have time for the water heater this weekend? Sure. I'll call the guy. -Sure. I'll call the guy. You're not using the same guy who tried to fix it? -You're not using the same guy who tried to fix it? I'm not using him again for anything. He was worthless. You have bridge here Saturday? -I'm not using him again for anything. He was worthless. You have bridge here Saturday? Betty's out of town so we're playing next week. -This is the mortgage. This is Cindy's college money. I understand. -I understand. Sometimes you can't know what I'm doing. It's better that way. -Sometimes you can't know what I'm doing. It's better that way. I know. -I know. It's a missing persons case... a long shot. I'll give it two months, two months at most, then I'll be back. We'll take a vacation. -It's a missing persons case... a long shot. I'll give it two months, two months at most, then I'll be back. We'll take a vacation. Why the gun? -Why the gun? I'm not gonna need it. I won't even wear it. It's a precaution. Don't worry about me. -Hello? Amy, it's me. Listen very carefully.. -Amy, it's me. Listen very carefully.. Tom? Where have you been... ? -Amy, just listen. Take Cindy and get out of the house. Do it now. Go to a hotel and stay there... What's wrong? Are you alright? -What's wrong? Are you alright? I'm okay. Please, honey, I can't explain. Don't use the phone, just pack a bag and get out. I'm on my way. I'll be back at the house in three hours. Call me from the hotel when you get there -I'm okay. Please, honey, I can't explain. Don't use the phone, just pack a bag and get out. I'm on my way. I'll be back at the house in three hours. Call me from the hotel when you get there ... What's going on? -... What's going on? Just do it, Amy, please, go. -What happened to you? I'm okay, honey, I'm okay. Are you alright? -I'm okay, honey, I'm okay. Are you alright? What's going on, Tom? What happened? -What's going on, Tom? What happened? I can't tell you, Amy. You know I can't. You have to trust me... -I can't tell you, Amy. You know I can't. You have to trust me... Tom... -Tom... It has to be this way for now. It won't be long. -Why haven't you called? Why don't you answer your phone? I don't know. I'm sorry... -I don't know. I'm sorry... You're sorry? What was I supposed to think? -You owe me an explanation. You can't treat me like this. I wanted to call. I couldn't. -I wanted to call. I couldn't. You couldn't? -You couldn't? You don't understand... -You don't understand... No, I don't, because you're not telling me anything! -No, I don't, because you're not telling me anything! I was in hell. If I called you... if I heard your voice... it would have been so easy for me to quit. I couldn't do that. -You should have. Amy, I'm not going to let anything happen to us. -Amy, I'm not going to let anything happen to us. Look where we are. Look at yourself. You son of a bitch, you don't have any idea what you're putting me through... -Look where we are. Look at yourself. You son of a bitch, you don't have any idea what you're putting me through... I don't know what to say -I don't know what to say You're killing me... -You're killing me... Don't... -Don't... What was I supposed to think happened to you?! -What was I supposed to think happened to you?! Amy... -Who are you calling? Mrs. Christian. -Mrs. Christian. What? -What? She's all I've got. She's the only witness. -She's all I've got. She's the only witness. Tom... she's dead. -She died in her sleep three days ago. It was in the paper... I just talked to her. -What are these? Mixed hard bondage. Rape films. Sick shit. Buy five, get one free. -Anything harder? There's nothing harder. -There's nothing harder. Snuff? -Snuff? What you see is what I got, mister. -What you see is what I got, mister. You know where I can get it? I have a lot of money to spend. -You know where I can get it? I have a lot of money to spend. There ain't no such thing as snuff. Why don't you fuck off? -What do you want? I just got a call... two seconds ago, some motherfucker called... says he knows about the loop. -I just got a call... two seconds ago, some motherfucker called... says he knows about the loop. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? The loop! The girl we did, what the fuck do you think I'm talking about?! This guy calls and says he knows about the fucking loop... -The loop! The girl we did, what the fuck do you think I'm talking about?! This guy calls and says he knows about the fucking loop... Bullshit. -Bullshit. I'm telling you... -I'm telling you... Blow me, you paranoid fuck, that's impossible. Why are you bothering me with this... ? -Blow me, you paranoid fuck, that's impossible. Why are you bothering me with this... ? Because somebody just fucking called me and fucking laid it out! -Because somebody just fucking called me and fucking laid it out! There's nothing there, you brain- dead cunt. Think about it. There's absolutely no way in this world to connect us to anything. I want you to hang the phone up, and if you call me about this again I'm going to send a friend of mine out there and have him crack you open with a fucking rib spreader. -There's nothing there, you brain- dead cunt. Think about it. There's absolutely no way in this world to connect us to anything. I want you to hang the phone up, and if you call me about this again I'm going to send a friend of mine out there and have him crack you open with a fucking rib spreader. Dino... -Dino... Nobody knows anything. -What the fuck... ! I promised him to Machine. -It's an honor to meet you. Thank you for seeing us. What can I do for you today? -I'd like to commission a work. I'm a great admirer of yours. Flattering. And, who's your colorful little chum? -Flattering. And, who's your colorful little chum? A fellow investor. -A fellow investor. Hmm. -You said something about money. Yes. What we're looking for is rather specific. -That's five thousand dollars. Is it? -Is it? Five thousand now, five thousand on delivery. Two women, one white and one black, as long as they have large breasts. Hard bondage, or course. Other than that, trusting your artistic interpretation, I have only two stipulations. -Five thousand now, five thousand on delivery. Two women, one white and one black, as long as they have large breasts. Hard bondage, or course. Other than that, trusting your artistic interpretation, I have only two stipulations. And they are? -And they are? I want to watch you work. -I want to watch you work. I'll consider it. -I'll consider it. And the other performer... it has to be that monster you use... the man in the mask. -And the other performer... it has to be that monster you use... the man in the mask. Machine. -Machine. If it's not him, there's no deal. -He might be interested... but it would mean another five thousand. We can do that. -We can do that. Well, well, I'll have to put my thinking-cap on about all this. You'll leave the money as a deposit? Very good. -You have a beautiful face... the way the light hits it. I'd like to take your picture. You don't mind? I'd rather you didn't. -I'd rather you didn't. What's the problem? -What's the problem? I'm camera shy. -I'm camera shy. You trust me to keep your money, but not to take your picture? -You trust me to keep your money, but not to take your picture? Those are two different kinds of trust. Thank you for your time. I hope we can do business. -I'll do this for you. Fifteen thousand dollars. Machine's in? -Machine's in? He's in. It will be his pleasure. -Where's that? Brooklyn. Don't be late. -You brought the money? Right here. -Excellent. Where are the women? -Where are the women? They should be here any minute. -What are these for? Hmm? Oh, the knifes? They're just props. Nice, aren't they? -Hmm? Oh, the knifes? They're just props. Nice, aren't they? Sure. -Mister Welles... would you be so kind as to remove any firearms from your person? What are you... ? -What are you... ? Take out your gun! -Empty the gun onto the table, very carefully. Look, I don't know what this... -Look, I don't know what this... Shut up, cunt! Do exactly as I say, or I'll put this arrow through your throat. -You remember Mr. Longdale, don't you? I remember him. -Friend of yours? Look, he's got nothing to do with this... let him go... -Look, he's got nothing to do with this... let him go... Can you guess what I'm going to say next? -Can you guess what I'm going to say next? He doesn't know anything... he's got nothing to do with this... -He doesn't know anything... he's got nothing to do with this... Bring the film, or we kill him. -I'll get it. It's in a safe deposit box, in the city... How cooperative. Longdale will keep you company. -Is that him? Put the gun down, take the handcuffs. Handcuff yourself to the bed. -Don't let Longdale's questionable choice of weapon give you any ideas. If his fey little gun puts enough little holes in you, you'll be just as dead... and so will Max. Move it, dirtbag... ! -You're a dead man. Leave him alone. -Leave him alone. Fuck off. -... sorry... First things first. You might want to watch this, Mr. Welles... -You got the guts, tough guy? Gonna kill us all, is that it? You betrayed us. -What can I do for you, Mr. Welles? Call me Tom. -Call me Tom. Alright, Tom. -Alright, Tom. What I'd like, very simply, is access to your archive. And, now I understand this isn't something you normally do for private citizens... -What I'd like, very simply, is access to your archive. And, now I understand this isn't something you normally do for private citizens... There are reasons for the way we do things here. -There are reasons for the way we do things here. Absolutely. Of course I'll abide by whatever decision you make, but I'd appreciate if you'll hear me out... -Few days ago, I was contacted by a couple living in Philadelphia, a doctor and his wife. What happened was they picked up a young girl hitchhiking off 81, which heads into Philadelphia, started up a conversation with this girl, she looked homeless, seemed about eighteen maybe. They convinced her to let them buy her a meal in the city. Nice kid, mature, didn't have much to say, but they got a sense she's a runaway, so all through dinner the doctor's working on her, trying to convince her that at the very least she should pick up a telephone. Not surprisingly, she ate her food, excused herself... That's the last they saw her. The reason they came to me for help, the reason I'm coming to you, is we had a friend of mine in the department work up a sketch... They want to see if I can I.D. this girl, somehow pass along a message to let the parents know the kid's alive, doing alright. Why not go to the N.C.I.C. or N.C.M.E.C.? -Why not go to the N.C.I.C. or N.C.M.E.C.? I figured you share information. -I figured you share information. We do. -We do. For whatever reasons I thought you might be more receptive. -For whatever reasons I thought you might be more receptive. Why don't they come to me? -Why don't they come to me? This doctor and wife, they're nice people, but they don't want to get too involved. They're not trying to have the parents come looking for the girl either. You and I both know sometimes, not often, but sometimes there's real reasons why a kid'll run. Molestation, whatever. Besides that, the girl's probably eighteen, so she's legal. -This doctor and wife, they're nice people, but they don't want to get too involved. They're not trying to have the parents come looking for the girl either. You and I both know sometimes, not often, but sometimes there's real reasons why a kid'll run. Molestation, whatever. Besides that, the girl's probably eighteen, so she's legal. I'm not so sure about this. -I'm not so sure about this. They're putting themselves in place of this kid's parents and thinking they'd want to hear their girl's okay, even if that's all they hear. -They're putting themselves in place of this kid's parents and thinking they'd want to hear their girl's okay, even if that's all they hear. I can give you my card, if your clients want to call me... -They were pretty clear they didn't want this coming back on them. Well, that's all I can do. Sorry. -Files are mostly by state and year of disappearance. We try to keep the children and adults separate. No eating or smoking in here, but there's a coffee machine in the hall. Any good? -Any good? It's horrible, but it'll be your best friend after a few days. I hope you realize what kind of long shot you're chasing after. -It's horrible, but it'll be your best friend after a few days. I hope you realize what kind of long shot you're chasing after. You're gonna be seeing a lot of me. You're sure you don't mind? -You're gonna be seeing a lot of me. You're sure you don't mind? It's good what you're doing. -Celebrity Films. Eddie. -Eddie. Yeah, who's this? -Yeah, who's this? I know what you did. -I know what you did. What? -What? I know what you did. -I know what you did. Who is this. -Who is this. You murdered that girl, Eddie. Six years ago... -You murdered that girl, Eddie. Six years ago... What the fuck are you.. ? -What the fuck are you.. ? You killed that girl and you put it on film. You and your pals, you're fucked. You fucked up real good. -What's he talking about? One million dollars, Dino. How much did he tell you he had... -I'm gonna kill you. Don't bore me with that bullshit. -Don't bore me with that bullshit. How'd you find me here? -Don't ask questions. Fuck you! -Starting to recognize a pattern? What do you want? -What do you want? Who is Machine? -Who is Machine? I don't know... -I don't know... I want his name. -I want his name. I told you, I don't know. -I told you, I don't know. I will never get tired of hurting you, Eddie, so you might want to change your attitude. -I will never get tired of hurting you, Eddie, so you might want to change your attitude. What the fuck am I gonna protect that freak for? He was Dino's boy, not mine. He shows up with his mask on, leaves with his mask on. Nobody knows. -Okay, we'll come back to that. So, six years ago a guy contacts you, through the classifieds, over the phone, however he does it. It's Longdale, looking for a snuff film. And you, entrepreneur that you are, tell him you can hook him up. Yeah, the fucking lawyer. -Yeah, the fucking lawyer. Told him you could get him a snuff film. -Told him you could get him a snuff film. Yeah. -Yeah. How much did he pay you? -How much did he pay you? Thirty thousand each, that fucking cocksucker. -Thirty thousand each, that fucking cocksucker. That's all? Thirty each. That's all it took for you to murder her? -That's all? Thirty each. That's all it took for you to murder her? It was a lot of fucking money. -So... you brought Dino in, and he brought Machine. And, one day, a girl walked into your office because you had an ad in the paper for models. And she never walked out. Something like that. -Something like that. What did you do, knock her out, shoot her up... ? -What did you do, knock her out, shoot her up... ? What the fuck do you want from me? -What the fuck do you want from me? I want to know. I want to know exactly what you did to her! -I want to know. I want to know exactly what you did to her! Fuck you then, you want to know? I talked her up, told her how beautiful she was, told her she was gonna be a star. I told her I was gonna get her a screen test, and while I'm doing that, I got her a soda and dropped a mickey. When it was dark enough, I rang Dino and told him it was go time, I put her in the trunk of my car and we went and we fucking did it. That's what happened. She's dead. She's been dead a long fucking time. Nobody fucking cares! -Show me where you did it, on the map, exactly where you did it. Why? -Why? Because we're going there. -I don't know. I felt like it. I never saw anyone get done before. You enjoy it? -You enjoy it? Made me sick, but what did I care? What did I care if some hump wants to beat off to that. It was just something I was doing for money. -Made me sick, but what did I care? What did I care if some hump wants to beat off to that. It was just something I was doing for money. Tell me what happened. -Tell me what happened. What do you want to know? You saw it, you saw the loop... -What do you want to know? You saw it, you saw the loop... Nobody saw you bring her in? -Nobody saw you bring her in? There wasn't nobody around. This place was a shit-hole. I backed up the car to the door and we carried her in, like groceries. Dino made her eat a bunch of pills, we laid out the plastic, put film in the camera and Machine went to work. -There wasn't nobody around. This place was a shit-hole. I backed up the car to the door and we carried her in, like groceries. Dino made her eat a bunch of pills, we laid out the plastic, put film in the camera and Machine went to work. What did you do with her body? -What did you do with her body? Took it out the bathroom window. Buried it in the woods. -Took it out the bathroom window. Buried it in the woods. Show me. -Keep moving. Where do you think you're taking this, huh? Gonna be a big hero, avenge that little girl's death? Gonna make everything right with the world? How you gonna do that... ? -You can't go to the cops. All you can do is cut me loose and walk away, because you got nothing... Stop talking. -Stop talking. You got absolute zero. -You got absolute zero. Show me where you buried her. -Show me where you buried her. I don't know... ... out there somewhere. -I don't know... ... out there somewhere. Where? Show me where. -Where? Show me where. I fucking don't know. What do you think... we weren't burying treasure. We didn't pace it out so we could come back and get it. We dug a hole and we put her in it. Your guess is as good as mine. -Do it. Don't think I won't. -Don't think I won't. Do it! Put me out of my misery so I don't have to listen to you whining anymore. You think it's so easy? -Do it! Put me out of my misery so I don't have to listen to you whining anymore. You think it's so easy? Easy enough for you. -Easy enough for you. I never killed anyone. -I never killed anyone. "That's right, you just stood there and watched, because you ""felt like it."" Almost makes you worse." -"That's right, you just stood there and watched, because you ""felt like it."" Almost makes you worse." What do you want? You want me to fall to my knees and start crying like a baby... ? -You know how my tapes sell. People eat this stuff up. I had three jerkoffs trying to return your tapes last month. Do you know how bad a skin flick has to be for some jackass to come back into my place with a fucking receipt, and try to fucking return it? -I had three jerkoffs trying to return your tapes last month. Do you know how bad a skin flick has to be for some jackass to come back into my place with a fucking receipt, and try to fucking return it? Maybe there's something wrong with the scumbag customers coming into your place, ever think of that? -Maybe there's something wrong with the scumbag customers coming into your place, ever think of that? The only thing wrong is the cheap, softcore crap you're peddling, Eddie. Where do you get this stuff? -The only thing wrong is the cheap, softcore crap you're peddling, Eddie. Where do you get this stuff? Look, you cocksucker... -Look, you cocksucker... Get together some upscale product where the girls still have teeth in their head. Till then, fuck you. -Get together some upscale product where the girls still have teeth in their head. Till then, fuck you. Fuck you! -Yes, I do have something to say. I insisted on being here as soon as I heard Mrs. Christian contacted you. I'm listening. -I'm listening. As Mr. Christian's attorney and one of the executors of his estate, it concerns me that a meeting of this sort should take place without my being asked to attend. -As Mr. Christian's attorney and one of the executors of his estate, it concerns me that a meeting of this sort should take place without my being asked to attend. Of what sort? -Of what sort? You are a private investigator? -You are a private investigator? That's right. -That's right. Well, whatever reasons Mrs. Christian has for engaging the services of a private investigator, I should certainly be a party to. But, since she feels differently, I can only go on the record as having expressed my adamant disapproval. -You were the middleman, am I right? Old man Christian wasn't about to go shopping for a snuff film himself. Wouldn't exactly have been possible for a man of his stature. -Wouldn't exactly have been possible for a man of his stature. So, he sent you, gave you the money, his errand-boy. And if you refused, it wasn't like you could tell anyone your pervert boss just asked you to get him a snuff film. That's the beauty of lawyer/client privilege. -So, he sent you, gave you the money, his errand-boy. And if you refused, it wasn't like you could tell anyone your pervert boss just asked you to get him a snuff film. That's the beauty of lawyer/client privilege. That's trust. Mr. Christian trusted me implicitly. -That's trust. Mr. Christian trusted me implicitly. Must have paid you a lot, for you to risk everything. Would've had to have cut yourself a real nice piece of money. -Must have paid you a lot, for you to risk everything. Would've had to have cut yourself a real nice piece of money. I was well compensated. -I was well compensated. That's why you got scared when Mrs. Christian hired me. You knew about the film, figured it had to be in that safe. How'd you find me? -That's why you got scared when Mrs. Christian hired me. You knew about the film, figured it had to be in that safe. How'd you find me? Never mind how I found you. -Never mind how I found you. Followed me... must have freaked out when you saw me closing in on your buddies... -Followed me... must have freaked out when you saw me closing in on your buddies... They're no friends of mine. -They're no friends of mine. Except, you're willing commit murder with them. -Except, you're willing commit murder with them. None of this would be happening if you would have left it alone. If you weren't digging up a girl who died six years ago. A girl no one even remembers. -None of this would be happening if you would have left it alone. If you weren't digging up a girl who died six years ago. A girl no one even remembers. Mary Anne Mathews, that was her name. Her mom remembers her. -You found these smut dealers and asked to buy a snuff film, right? Wanted them to find you one. Well, they didn't find you one, Longdale, they went out and made you one... Shut up. -Shut up. Mary Anne Mathews was alive till you paid money to have her murdered. -Mary Anne Mathews was alive till you paid money to have her murdered. Shut your mouth and drive! -Shut your mouth and drive! Did it get him off, huh, watching them cut her up? Tell me, because I really want to understand. Did he jerk off to it? You watch it with him, sit there giving him a handjob while you both watched... ? -You're making me very angry. Just tell me. Tell me some more of the secrets you and Christian shared. What kind of degenerate pervert was he really? What the fuck did he want with a snuff film? -Just tell me. Tell me some more of the secrets you and Christian shared. What kind of degenerate pervert was he really? What the fuck did he want with a snuff film? You're asking me why? -You're asking me why? I'm asking. -A man like Mr. Christian, a great man... all his money, all his power... a man who attained everything there was to attain... Why did he buy a film of some poor, lost girl getting butchered? -Why did he buy a film of some poor, lost girl getting butchered? Isn't it incredibly obvious? -Isn't it incredibly obvious? Enlighten me. -Enlighten me. Because he could. He did it because he could. What other reason were you looking for? -You almost went over your limit. Fuck you. -Give me the film. You'll get it when we get there. -Give me the film. Go ahead, shoot me. Then try driving to Brooklyn with my brains all over the windshield. -He's lying. Look at him. You think he played it square? How much did he give you, how much did he keep for himself? -Big date tonight? Yeah... guess so. -Yeah... guess so. Can I interest you in a battery operated-vagina? -Can I interest you in a battery operated-vagina? Pardon me? -Pardon me? My boss tells me I have to do more suggestive selling. -My boss tells me I have to do more suggestive selling. Well, it's tempting, but no thanks. -Well, it's tempting, but no thanks. It's your call, but you're gonna be sorry when you're in one of those everyday situations that call for a battery-operated vagina and you don't have one. -It's your call, but you're gonna be sorry when you're in one of those everyday situations that call for a battery-operated vagina and you don't have one. I'll risk it. -Once you pick it up you can't put it down. Catchy title. What are you really reading? Hard to believe that book's got any parts worth highlighting. -Truman Capote. I tear off the cover and paste this one on... You know how it is. -I tear off the cover and paste this one on... You know how it is. Wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in front of your fellow perverts. -Wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in front of your fellow perverts. Might get drummed out of the pornographer's union, and then where would I be? -Remember me? Came back for that battery-operated vagina, right? Told you you would. -I need some information. Thought you might be able to help. Thomas Welles. Nice picture. -I don't know what you're looking for, mister, but so we're clear from the start, I'm straight. Good for you. -How long you been working there? Three, four years. -Three, four years. What's your name, if you don't mind me asking? -What's your name, if you don't mind me asking? Max. -Max. Well, here's the deal, Max. This thing I'm on right now has something to do with underground pornography. Stuff that's sold under the counter, illegally... -Well, here's the deal, Max. This thing I'm on right now has something to do with underground pornography. Stuff that's sold under the counter, illegally... There's not much illegal. -There's not much illegal. Well, whatever there is, whoever's dealing, however it's done, I want to know. I want a good look, so if you've got that kind of connection, great. If not, speak now. -Well, whatever there is, whoever's dealing, however it's done, I want to know. I want a good look, so if you've got that kind of connection, great. If not, speak now. You're not a cop, are you? If I ask and you are, you have to tell me. -You're not a cop, are you? If I ask and you are, you have to tell me. I'm not a cop. -I'm not a cop. You're a private eye. Like Shaft. -You're a private eye. Like Shaft. Not quite. -Not quite. From Pennsylvania. P.I. from PA. What are you doing out here? -From Pennsylvania. P.I. from PA. What are you doing out here? Well, there's the thing; you're not gonna know anything about what I'm doing, but you can make some money. -Well, there's the thing; you're not gonna know anything about what I'm doing, but you can make some money. How much? -How much? How much do you make now? -How much do you make now? Four hundred a week, off the books. -Four hundred a week, off the books. Okay, let's pretend I live in the same fantasy world where you make four hundred a week in that dump. I'll give you six hundred for a few days. -Okay, let's pretend I live in the same fantasy world where you make four hundred a week in that dump. I'll give you six hundred for a few days. Sounds good, pops. -Sounds good, pops. Here's my number if you need it... When can you start? -Here's my number if you need it... When can you start? Tomorrow night, I get off at eight. -Tomorrow night, I get off at eight. "See you then. Oh, and, don't call me ""pops.""" -... Hello... ? Wake up, pops. Your education begins tonight. -You've got Penthouse, Playboy, Hustler, etc. Nobody even considers them pornography anymore. Then, there's mainstream hardcore. Triple X. The difference is penetration. That's hardcore. That whole industry's up in the valley. Writers, directors, porn stars. They're celebrities, or they think they are. They pump out 150 videos a week. A week. They've even got a porno Academy Awards. America loves pornography. Anybody tells you they never use pornography, they're lying. Somebody's buying those videos. Somebody's out there spending 900 million dollars a year on phone sex. Know what else? It's only gonna get worse. More and more you'll see perverse hardcore coming into the mainstream, because that's evolution. Desensitization. Oh my God, Elvis Presley's wiggling his hips, how offensive! Nowadays, Mtv's showing girls dancing around in thong bikinis with their asses hanging out. Know what I mean? For the porn-addict, big tits aren't big enough after a while. They have to be the biggest tits ever. Some porn chicks are putting in breast implants bigger than your head, literally. Soon, Playboy is gonna be Penthouse, Penthouse'll be Hustler, Hustler'll be hardcore, and hardcore films'll be medical films. People'll be jerking off to women laying around with open wounds. There's nowhere else for it to go. Interesting theory. -Interesting theory. What you saw tonight, we're not talking about a video some dentist takes home over the weekend. We're talking about stuff where people get hurt. Specialty product. -What you saw tonight, we're not talking about a video some dentist takes home over the weekend. We're talking about stuff where people get hurt. Specialty product. Child pornography. -Child pornography. There's two kinds of specialty product; legal and illegal. Foot fetish, shit films, watersports, bondage, spanking, fisting, she- males, hemaphrodites... it's beyond hardcore, but legal. This is the kind of hardcore where one guy's going to look at it and throw up, another guy looks at it and falls in love. Now, with some of the S+M and bondage films, they straddle the line. How are you supposed to tell if the person tied up with the ball gag in their mouth is a consenting or not? Step over that line, you're into kiddie porn. Rape films, but there aren't many. I've never seen one. -There's two kinds of specialty product; legal and illegal. Foot fetish, shit films, watersports, bondage, spanking, fisting, she- males, hemaphrodites... it's beyond hardcore, but legal. This is the kind of hardcore where one guy's going to look at it and throw up, another guy looks at it and falls in love. Now, with some of the S+M and bondage films, they straddle the line. How are you supposed to tell if the person tied up with the ball gag in their mouth is a consenting or not? Step over that line, you're into kiddie porn. Rape films, but there aren't many. I've never seen one. Snuff films. -Snuff films. I heard you asking. That guy wasn't yanking you around. There's no such thing. -I heard you asking. That guy wasn't yanking you around. There's no such thing. What other ways are there to get illegal films? Who do you see? -What other ways are there to get illegal films? Who do you see? First of all, basement sales like tonight aren't gonna last much longer. It's too risky, one, and two, everything's going on the internet. Anyone with a computer and enough patience can find anything he wants. It's heaven for those degenerate chicken-hawks. They're swapping pictures back and forth as fast as their modems can zap 'em. But, there's still some weird shit under the counter where I work sometimes. No one knows where it comes from. That's local underground, where information spreads by word of mouth. Those are zombies, hardcore junkies. Their hands are permanently pruned. They go out in the sun they don't burn, they blister. Other than that, all I know about is the mail. Classified ads in the paper with hidden codes. Secret couriers. Credit card orders to dummy corporations. Interstate wire transfers. Revolving P.O. boxes. But, if you're asking me who do you go to to get illegal shit... who knows? That's the whole point -- the seller stays as far away from the buyer as possible, and vice versa, and cops can't trace the deal. There's ways to do it so nobody knows who anybody is. -How old are you? Twenty-five. -Twenty-five. Where are your parents? -Where are your parents? I don't know, where are yours? -I don't know, where are yours? I don't mean any offense... but what are you doing mixed up in all this? -I don't mean any offense... but what are you doing mixed up in all this? I'm not mixed up in anything, hayseed. What are you talking about? -I'm not mixed up in anything, hayseed. What are you talking about? You just strike me as smart enough to be doing something else. -You just strike me as smart enough to be doing something else. Yeah, I'm a real genius. What choices have I got? Fuck, just because I know about stuff like tonight doesn't mean I deal it. I work a job. It beats pumping gas, beats making hamburgers. -Yeah, I'm a real genius. What choices have I got? Fuck, just because I know about stuff like tonight doesn't mean I deal it. I work a job. It beats pumping gas, beats making hamburgers. You're telling me it doesn't get to you? -You're telling me it doesn't get to you? You can't sit there all day watching the parade of losers that comes into that place without going numb. So what? Am I gonna go off and be a race car driver? Go to Harvard? Run for President? What about you, pops? -You can't sit there all day watching the parade of losers that comes into that place without going numb. So what? Am I gonna go off and be a race car driver? Go to Harvard? Run for President? What about you, pops? What about me? -What about me? I see a ring on your finger. You have any kids? -I see a ring on your finger. You have any kids? A daughter. -A daughter. So, you have a wife and kid waiting for you in Pennsylvania... what are you doing mixed up in all this? -So, you have a wife and kid waiting for you in Pennsylvania... what are you doing mixed up in all this? Good question. -Dino Velvet... yeah, he's like the John Luc Godard of S+M flicks, supposed to be a real weirdo. A weirdo making S+M films? Who'd have thought it? -A weirdo making S+M films? Who'd have thought it? His stuff comes out of New York. Bondage and fetish videos, Gothic Hardcore. Definitely not for the squeamish. -His stuff comes out of New York. Bondage and fetish videos, Gothic Hardcore. Definitely not for the squeamish. Specialty product. -Specialty product. You're learning. -You're learning. Where does he sell it? -Where does he sell it? Out of the back of bondage magazines mostly, but you can find it on the street if you look. He'll also do commissions, for enough money... -Out of the back of bondage magazines mostly, but you can find it on the street if you look. He'll also do commissions, for enough money... Nothing illegal, it's always borderline. Like if some freak wants to see a transvestite in a full rubber immersion suit getting an enema from a... -Nothing illegal, it's always borderline. Like if some freak wants to see a transvestite in a full rubber immersion suit getting an enema from a... Alright, I get the picture. -Alright, I get the picture. He cuts all kinds of other stuff into his movies; photographs, newsreel footage, subliminal images. Thinks he's making art. -He cuts all kinds of other stuff into his movies; photographs, newsreel footage, subliminal images. Thinks he's making art. Well, I'm in New York now. What do you say to flying out and giving me a hand? -Well, I'm in New York now. What do you say to flying out and giving me a hand? I'm a working stiff, pops. -I'm a working stiff, pops. Take a vacation. I'll pay you four hundred a day, plus expenses. -Take a vacation. I'll pay you four hundred a day, plus expenses. You want me to come out there and play private eye? -You want me to come out there and play private eye? Consider it. Meanwhile, dig up whatever Dino Velvet films you can. Get receipts. I'll call back. -Consider it. Meanwhile, dig up whatever Dino Velvet films you can. Get receipts. I'll call back. See ya. -You didn't say it was gonna be this luxurious. It's their Presidential Suite. -It's their Presidential Suite. Great. -Oh, come on, man, what are we doing in this flea bag? It's cheap, and people know to mind their own business. What have you got for me? -Wha... ? Who is this, in the mask? Who is he? -Who is he? I told you, he's one of Dino Velvet's stock players... -I told you, he's one of Dino Velvet's stock players... Who is he, his name? -Who is he, his name? "Nobody knows his name. That's his thing. He always wears a mask. You never see his face. He calls himself ""Machine,"" that's what they call him. Machine." -You don't need to be here. What kind of Junior P.I. would I be if I didn't go with you? -"I know if I had to pick, it'd be ""Choke,"" or ""Devil.""" """Devil"" frightened me as much as it excited me, but I'd be hard pressed to choose a favorite." -What's next? I'm trying to figure that out myself. I have to see Machine without his mask. -I'm trying to figure that out myself. I have to see Machine without his mask. Still don't want to tell me what you're doing? -Still don't want to tell me what you're doing? Nope. -What's this? It's money. People use it to purchase goods and services. -Look... that's awful generous and everything... It's not my money. The woman I got it from is never going to give it a second thought. Let's not make a big deal out of this, okay? Go be a race car driver. Go run for President. Whatever. -Mister Welles. You're very prompt. I try to be. -Uh huh, pleasure. Apparently Mr. Longdale has something he feels he simply must say before you and I speak. -Have a pleasant evening. Will you have tea, Mister Welles? Thank you. -He's odd. He's a lawyer. Please, sit, here... -I've spoken to friends of mine and my husband's, in Harrisburg, in Lancaster and Hershey. Asking about you. I must say you have friends in influential places. I've been privileged to provide services for people I admire. -I've been privileged to provide services for people I admire. You are highly recommended. Praised for your discretion... your strict adherence to confidentiality. -As you know, my husband passed away recently. Two weeks ago now. My condolences. -My condolences. His passing has left me with... something of a dilemma. A terrible, terrible dilemma. -His passing has left me with... something of a dilemma. A terrible, terrible dilemma. I'll do whatever I can to help. -Pittsburgh? Mostly. That's where he started his empire building. He was a good man. Notorious as an eccentric, but that was something he cultivated. He wanted to be legendary. -Mostly. That's where he started his empire building. He was a good man. Notorious as an eccentric, but that was something he cultivated. He wanted to be legendary. He succeeded. -He succeeded. We were married forty-five years. Hard even for me to imagine. We had our troubles. There were plenty of places for him to be other than here, but he was always loyal to me, and I to him. I loved him deeply. -Do you carry a gun, Mr. Welles? I wear a gun when I can tell a client expects me to. Other than that, there's never any reason. -I wear a gun when I can tell a client expects me to. Other than that, there's never any reason. Just curious. -My husband was the only one with the combination to this safe. I knew about it, but as far as I was concerned it was none of my business. Not till now, that is. You hired someone to open it. I'll bet the lawyer loved that. -You hired someone to open it. I'll bet the lawyer loved that. There was nothing he could do. My husband left everything to me. I prevented anyone from seeing the contents. I felt these were my husband's private things. I didn't... I didn't realize... -There was nothing he could do. My husband left everything to me. I prevented anyone from seeing the contents. I felt these were my husband's private things. I didn't... I didn't realize... Do you want to tell me what you found? -Do you want to tell me what you found? Cash, stock certificates, and this... -It's a film... of a girl being murdered. I'm afraid I don't... -I'm afraid I don't... This is a movie showing a girl being murdered. She's sitting on a bed, and a man rapes her... and he begins to cut her with a knife... I only watched what I could. -I didn't know what to think. I can't tell you how horrible it's been, to know this belonged to my husband. To know that he watched this... this atrocity. But, I can't go to the police... "Mrs. Christian... please, will you sit down a moment? I want you to listen carefully. What you're talking about is a ""snuff film."" But, from what I know, snuff films are a kind of... urban myth. Like, red light district folklore. There's no such thing, I can assure you." -Please, believe me. This is probably a stag film. Simulated rape. Hard to stomach, and it might seem real, but there are ways of making it look realistic... fake blood and special effects... No. -No. If you were to study it you'd see the camera cutting away... you'd see the tricks they can play... -If you were to study it you'd see the camera cutting away... you'd see the tricks they can play... I'm telling you it's not that. -I'm telling you it's not that. I'm sure it is. It's probably something your husband was given as a bad joke. More than likely he never even watched it. -I'm sure it is. It's probably something your husband was given as a bad joke. More than likely he never even watched it. Will you watch it and see for yourself? -Will you watch it and see for yourself? Of course. But, I'm certain it's nothing to worry about. -You... you need to go to the police. I told you I can't, not yet. -I told you I can't, not yet. You don't have any other choice. -You don't have any other choice. No. For me to live with the ruin of my husband's name, I need know that whoever did this will be punished. If you can find them, I will take their names to the police. I'll say my husband confessed on his death bed. I'll say I didn't have courage to come forward at first... -No. For me to live with the ruin of my husband's name, I need know that whoever did this will be punished. If you can find them, I will take their names to the police. I'll say my husband confessed on his death bed. I'll say I didn't have courage to come forward at first... It won't work like that. -It won't work like that. Any evidence you collect can be given to the police later, anonymously. I've thought about it and there's no other way. If you can't find them... if the only thing that comes from this film is that this is all my husband will be remembered for, well I can't let that happen. I'm telling you I won't. If there's no chance that poor girl's memory can be served, then I'll just have to spend my last days trying to forget her. -I deal in divorce cases. Corporate investigations... You've found missing persons before. -You've found missing persons before. Nothing remotely like this. -Nothing remotely like this. I know what I'm asking. Your compensation will be appropriate to the risk. You'll need cash to buy information, and I'll provide it. I feel responsible, Mr. Welles. You saw what he did to her. -Okay... My husband never dealt with money personally, certainly not cash. -My husband never dealt with money personally, certainly not cash. I'm not positive this means anything. -I'm not positive this means anything. The checks were for odd amounts... -One was for two hundred thousand, one dollar and thirteen cents. Another was for three hundred thousand, six hundred fifty four dollars and seventy six cents... Okay, I follow you so far... -Okay, I follow you so far... Totalled together, these five checks from five different accounts, they equal one million dollars. -Totalled together, these five checks from five different accounts, they equal one million dollars. You're joking. -You're joking. To the penny. Exactly one million dollars in cash. -Hello... ? I'm here. -I'm here. Do you think the film could have cost that much? -Do you think the film could have cost that much? For a human life... murder on film, no statute of limitations. Who knows? It sure could have. I'd like you to overnight me a copy of those checks, then put them in a safe deposit box. -For a human life... murder on film, no statute of limitations. Who knows? It sure could have. I'd like you to overnight me a copy of those checks, then put them in a safe deposit box. Okay. -Okay. Send it to me through the post office like we arranged. No return address. You dug this up all by yourself? -Send it to me through the post office like we arranged. No return address. You dug this up all by yourself? You told me to look, so I looked. -You told me to look, so I looked. You're one hell of a detective, Mrs. Christian. -Hello? Mrs. Christian, Tom Welles here. -Mrs. Christian, Tom Welles here. How are you? Having any luck? -How are you? Having any luck? I don't know if luck's the word. Are you feeling alright? -I don't know if luck's the word. Are you feeling alright? I've been ordered into bed. The doctor says I've gotten the flu, or some other wretched ailment. -I've been ordered into bed. The doctor says I've gotten the flu, or some other wretched ailment. I hope it's nothing serious. -I hope it's nothing serious. Nothing more than a bother. Have you any news for me? -Nothing more than a bother. Have you any news for me? I've made progress. I'm in Manhattan. Once a few more pieces fall into place, I'll drive to you and give you an update. -I've made progress. I'm in Manhattan. Once a few more pieces fall into place, I'll drive to you and give you an update. Fine... -I've got about five thousand left in cash, but I'll need another thirty, if you approve. How will I get it to you? -How will I get it to you? If you have a pencil and paper, I'll tell you how to send it. -Yes... ? Hello, Mrs. Mathews, my name's Thomas Jones, I'm a state licensed investigator... -I've been hired as an independent contractor by the U.S. Resource Center for Missing Persons as part of an internal audit. If you have any time over the next few days, I'd like to make an appointment to ask some questions about the disappearance of your daughter. I don't understand, who are... ? -I don't understand, who are... ? I'm sorry, let me explain, the R.C.M.P. is a support organization and archive, not unlike the Center for Missing and Exploited Children in Washington. I'm sure you've dealt with them before? -I'm sorry, let me explain, the R.C.M.P. is a support organization and archive, not unlike the Center for Missing and Exploited Children in Washington. I'm sure you've dealt with them before? Yes, but... -Yes, but... These volunteer organizations are sort of interconnected, functioning hand in hand with law enforcement. The R.C.M.P. brought me in to review their investigations... ... fact-check their records, see if there's anything they missed, anything they should be doing different. I'm here for a few days, before I head back up to Virginia. These reports go to the Justice Department eventually. I spoke to your F.B.I. contact a few days ago, uh... -What was the name... ? I've got it here somewhere... Neil... Neil Cole. -Neil... Neil Cole. Right, Agent Cole told me he'd call and let you know to expect me. He didn't call? -Right, Agent Cole told me he'd call and let you know to expect me. He didn't call? No. -No. Well, I'm following up on your daughter, Mary, height; five four, weight; hundred ten pounds, brown eyes, blonde hair. Born April 24, 1976. Missing June 11th, 1992. A runaway, that's how she's listed. Is this information correct... ? -It's very important you don't let this raise your expectations. It's not going to effect any ongoing efforts. All I'm saying is, please know, I'm not here to create any false hope. They hired you. You're like, a private detective? -They hired you. You're like, a private detective? That's exactly what I am. -I didn't think there were private detectives anymore, except on TV. You probably expect me to be wearing a trench coat and a hat. Drinking whiskey, chasing women and getting beaten up by guys with broken noses. Want to know what it's really like? It's sitting in a car and staring at a hotel window for three days straight, pissing in a plastic bottle, pardon me, because some guy thinks his wife's cheating on him. Glamorous, huh? And the guy who hired you, he has a hair-lip, dandruff and crooked teeth, and you could have told him the minute you laid eyes on him his wife's cheating, and you don't blame her. -So, she didn't leave a note? She never gave any indication where she might go, before she left? No. -No. She just seemed... depressed... ? -She just seemed... depressed... ? She didn't seem herself. For months there never was any way to get her to talk about it. One night we went to bed... the next morning she was gone. She took some clothes. -She didn't seem herself. For months there never was any way to get her to talk about it. One night we went to bed... the next morning she was gone. She took some clothes. What was she running from? -What was she running from? I don't know. -I don't know. If there's anything you feel uncomfortable talking about, tell me, but I have to ask. Your husband... he committed suicide? -If there's anything you feel uncomfortable talking about, tell me, but I have to ask. Your husband... he committed suicide? Yes. -Yes. September 4th, 1993. About a year after Mary disappeared. -September 4th, 1993. About a year after Mary disappeared. We were divorced by then. Things fell apart... he was living with a friend... -We were divorced by then. Things fell apart... he was living with a friend... Why do you think he did it? -Why do you think he did it? It got to be too much for him. -It got to be too much for him. You have to forgive me, but in these circumstances... with your daughter... Were there any indications of... any sort of abuse? -You have to forgive me, but in these circumstances... with your daughter... Were there any indications of... any sort of abuse? There wasn't anything like that. The police and the FBI people asked, but there wasn't anything happened like that, never. My husband... his heart broke when Mary left... -There wasn't anything like that. The police and the FBI people asked, but there wasn't anything happened like that, never. My husband... his heart broke when Mary left... I didn't mean to... -I didn't mean to... You try going through what we did. Bob couldn't take it, that's all. Christ, there's times when it still seems like I can't either. -You try going through what we did. Bob couldn't take it, that's all. Christ, there's times when it still seems like I can't either. I had to ask. I apologize. -I had to ask. I apologize. No one knows what it's like. You can't even imagine how much it hurts. -People remember me from the news. Can you drive me back now? Of course. -I... I shouldn't take anymore of your time. Maybe we can finish tomorrow. I'll call tomorrow... Okay. -Doesn't make much sense, does it? When everything's happy, when life's fine and you have every reason to believe there's a God, you don't bother. Then, something horrible happens... that's when you start praying all the time. That's when you start going to church. We're all like that. -We're all like that. Are you religious? -Are you religious? No. -No. You should be. -I've got what I need for my report. There is... there is one thing that bothers me though. What? -What? It's not really my place, but it's not easy for me to set aside the private detective part of me either. See, I know a little about missing persons. When kids run, they almost always leave a note. It's guilt. They want to say goodbye. -It's not really my place, but it's not easy for me to set aside the private detective part of me either. See, I know a little about missing persons. When kids run, they almost always leave a note. It's guilt. They want to say goodbye. There wasn't one. The police looked. -There wasn't one. The police looked. Do you think the police did a good job? -Do you think the police did a good job? I don't know. I think so. -I don't know. I think so. It is possible... and I know this isn't something you want to hear. Your daughter may have tried to hide a note where she thought you would eventually find it, but where she knew your husband would never find it. She might have wanted to tell you something... -It is possible... and I know this isn't something you want to hear. Your daughter may have tried to hide a note where she thought you would eventually find it, but where she knew your husband would never find it. She might have wanted to tell you something... No. You don't have any reason to think that... -No. You don't have any reason to think that... If the police focused their search in her room, her belongings, well that'd be only natural, but they may have been looking in the wrong place. -How... how can you say that to me...? Will you let me look? -Will you let me look? My husband never laid a hand on her. She would have told me... she would have told me... -My husband never laid a hand on her. She would have told me... she would have told me... You're probably right, and I probably won't find anything. I don't have a right to ask this, and you can kick me out of your house if you want, but this is my profession and there's a part of me that can't let it go. Police are just as human as you or I. They could have missed something. They probably didn't. Wouldn't you rather know? -You were right. I didn't find anything. I'm going to run and get something to eat. Are you hungry? Yes. -I think about it everyday. But, every time the phone rings... every single time, I still think it's her. It's been six years. -It's been six years. What am I supposed to do? Forget her? Time heals all wounds, right? She's all I think about, and I've learned to live with that. But, you want the truth... the real truth? If I had a choice... if I had to choose, between her being out there, living a good life and being happy, and me not knowing; never finding out what happened to her... ... or her being dead and me knowing... I'd choose to know. -Hello... ? Mrs. Mathews? It's Thomas. Do you remember, I was there a few weeks ago... asking about your daughter... -Mrs. Mathews? It's Thomas. Do you remember, I was there a few weeks ago... asking about your daughter... I remember. You just left... -I remember. You just left... I have to tell you something. It won't be easy for you to hear. It's about your daughter... Mary Anne... When I... when I was there with you, her diary, in your attic, in silverware. If you read it, you'll know what I'm telling you is true... -What are you talking about... ? She went to California, to Los Angeles... she wanted to start over. She wanted to be an actress... -She went to California, to Los Angeles... she wanted to start over. She wanted to be an actress... What... ? -Mrs. Mathews, your daughter is dead. She's dead. Who is this... ? -Who is this... ? Someone... some men, they took your daughter and they drugged her, and they took her to a motel room... they did terrible things to her... -Someone... some men, they took your daughter and they drugged her, and they took her to a motel room... they did terrible things to her... Who are you? -Who are you? They brought her into the room... one man, he put a knife to her throat and he raped her... -They brought her into the room... one man, he put a knife to her throat and he raped her... No... -No... He raped her and...and...and he murdered her...he cut her up with knifes... -He raped her and...and...and he murdered her...he cut her up with knifes... No... no... no... -No... no... no... They killed her, and they took her out in the forest somewhere and they buried her... -They killed her, and they took her out in the forest somewhere and they buried her... Why... why are you doing this to me... ? -Why... why are you doing this to me... ? They murdered her, Mrs. Mathews, I'm sorry. It happened a month after she ran away. She's been dead all this time... -Yes... I remember Mary You... you do? You're sure? Please, Sister, will you take another look, make sure... -You... you do? You're sure? Please, Sister, will you take another look, make sure... Yes. I remember her. -Do you know what happened to her? I'm trying to find out. She was a runaway. I'm looking into it for her parents. -What is this? Those are her belongings. -Those are her belongings. Her belongings? -Her belongings? That's her suitcase. I had forgotten it, till you showed me her picture. -Whatever possessed you to keep this all this time? She was the kindest, sweetest girl you'd ever want to meet. Oh, I adored her. I supposed I always hoped she'd be back. After a time, all I could do was pray she had moved on to better things. Can you get this suitcase to her parents, if you think it's appropriate? -She was the kindest, sweetest girl you'd ever want to meet. Oh, I adored her. I supposed I always hoped she'd be back. After a time, all I could do was pray she had moved on to better things. Can you get this suitcase to her parents, if you think it's appropriate? I'll do what I can. -Your son-in-law dealt with the dry cleaning franchise during the day, saw that woman every night. The specifics are in the report, and information about the woman. It's unpleasant, I know. I apologize... None too discreet, is he? -None too discreet, is he? No, sir, he is not. -No, sir, he is not. He's an imbecile. I tried to warn my daughter, but what can you do? -The um... you'll find my invoice in the envelope. If that's all... Yes, Mister Welles, thank you. -Yes, Mister Welles, thank you. Certainly, Senator. If I can ever be of further assistance. -Okay, I'll take it all. Excellent. we accept MasterCard and American Express. -Excellent. we accept MasterCard and American Express. Cash. -Alright. May I have your phone number, area code first? No, you may not. -No, you may not. Okay. Fine. -I'm required by state law to inform you that, while it's perfectly legal for you to purchase these items, it is illegal for you to use them for any sort of... Yeah, I know the spiel. If you could bag it, I'll be on my way, thank you. -Yeah, I know the spiel. If you could bag it, I'll be on my way, thank you. Certainly, sir. -Don't you think it kind of defeats the purpose? What? -What? The mirror. You can't see yourself in it. -The mirror. You can't see yourself in it. I don't want to. -Yeah. She'd be half as strict as you. But she wouldn't let Dad treat me like that. -But she wouldn't let Dad treat me like that. Look, you gotta stand up for yourself. Learn to fight back. -Rick...I can't. Never say can't. Just do what I do. -Alice, you think you can leave? What's wrong? -What's wrong? Kincaid and Joey died last night. -Kincaid and Joey died last night. What? -You alright? Kristen... -I heard you screaming. Was it a bad one? It was bad. -It was bad. Doesn't the dream master work for you anymore? -Doesn't the dream master work for you anymore? I can't find him. -Hey, since when do you play Thomas Edison? This looks like Sheila's. It is...was. It's a zapper, it might help me stay awake. -It is...was. It's a zapper, it might help me stay awake. Yeah, or turn you into toast. -I can't go back to sleep again. I haven't slept much either. Since Kristen... -We'll figure it out. Figure it out?!?! I'll be insane before I figure it out. The only thing I'm sure of is that I can't go to sleep. Not while he's using me. -Figure it out?!?! I'll be insane before I figure it out. The only thing I'm sure of is that I can't go to sleep. Not while he's using me. Then we'll stay up together. -Here you are. Where were you this morning? Rick's looking all over for you. Have you seen Joey and Kincaid! God, I can't find them. I can't find them anywhere. -Have you seen Joey and Kincaid! God, I can't find them. I can't find them anywhere. I'm sure they're around. -I'm sure they're around. Yeah, I'm not so sure. -I love to dream, I just hate ones about my dad. You could do worse. -My mom taught me when I was little. Did you ever hear of the dream master? Sounds like a game show host to me. -Sounds like a game show host to me. No really, it's a fable. The 'guardian of good' dreams. It was like my teddy bear when I was growing up. -No really, it's a fable. The 'guardian of good' dreams. It was like my teddy bear when I was growing up. Great, you wouldn't happen to know his phone number? -I daydream. you have to dream about some place fun. Remember you're in control. How'd you learn so much about dreams? -How'd you learn so much about dreams? When they're all you have, you kinda become an expert. -You what? When I used to have nightmares. I brought my friends in to help me. Until they all started dying. -Kristen, what happened? You'll hear all kinds of stories. They'll tell you it was murder, but it wasn't. -You in a hurry? I gotta get to the library before it closes. Killer physics test. -I gotta get to the library before it closes. Killer physics test. I know. I hardly have any time to study. -I know. I hardly have any time to study. Maybe you shouldn't be working here so much. You don't want to get stuck waiting tables for the rest of your life. -Maybe you shouldn't be working here so much. You don't want to get stuck waiting tables for the rest of your life. I know. -Ohhhhbaby, I am dead on my feet. We have matching luggage. -We have matching luggage. What? -You've been up all night? That obvious, huh? -That obvious, huh? Then you saw him, too? -Then you saw him, too? Saw who? I was up all night cramming for this physics test, and I was putting this little baby together. Look... -No... You're his sister, right? -You're his sister, right? Rick stayed later after school with Kristen. She wasn't feeling very well. -Rick stayed later after school with Kristen. She wasn't feeling very well. Tell him I was looking for him, okay? I'm Dan. -Tell him I was looking for him, okay? I'm Dan. I know. Uh...Alice. -I thought it was an accident. Smoking in bed. It was no suicide. It was not an accident. It was Freddy, and he's coming back for seconds, thirds, and fourths. -I was there in the dream. He took her. It was awful. It was awful... """In her dream""?" -No, don't! I gave Sheila to him and now she's dead! Kristen's story really got to her. -I've been working double shifts. Extra money, huh? -Extra money, huh? Look, you know why, you just don't believe me. -No offense, or anything, but it's kind of hard to swallow. The story is, the deaths you can't argue with. -How long have you been awake? Three days. -Alright, let's assume this whole thing is true. Why does Freddy all of a sudden need you? Kristen was the last child left of the people who killed Freddy. Maybe Freddy can't get to new kids without someone like me. Someone to bring them to him. -Not really. Is there something we can do? -Is there something we can do? I don't think so. I guess this is my own war. -You don't really get it. He's not a nightstalker. It'll take more than bench presses to beat him. Why can't we just talk to the authorities? -Why can't we just talk to the authorities? Yeah, right. Let's trade death by Freddy for life in a rubber room. Adults won't see it. They can't. -Yeah, right. Let's trade death by Freddy for life in a rubber room. Adults won't see it. They can't. Then what else can we do? -Then what else can we do? Try what other kids did. Keep each other awake. We'll meet at Debbie's tonight. At least if we don't sleep he can't get us. -Try what other kids did. Keep each other awake. We'll meet at Debbie's tonight. At least if we don't sleep he can't get us. Who? -He's going after Debbie, I gotta stop him. Hey, you're not alone. We have to stop him, I'm with you. -Hey, you're not alone. We have to stop him, I'm with you. You just feel sorry for me. -You just feel sorry for me. Cut that shit out. Maybe before, but not now. I want to help you. I'm on your side. -As long as your driving doesn't kill us. It's okay, we're just about there. -He's going after Debbie. I gotta stop him. You know, I get the weirdest feeling we've been through this before. -Here we are. Something's wrong here. It feels like... -What the hell was that? Debbie. She's gone. I've...collected her, like the others. -You look great! Save it for later. Come on! -Rick, please. Alright, I think I see salvation... -I think Sheila's more interested in dissecting bodies than just admiring them. Give her time. Beauty is skin deep. -Asthma attack...what 17-year old has a fatal asthma attack? She was gonna be a doctor. It was Freddy. -It was Freddy. Enough of that crap. -Enough of that crap. I saw it. It was my dream. I brought Sheila in... -T-T-Thanks Alice... Earth to Alice... -Hey, Rick! Excuse me, ladies. I'll just be a moment. -I don't get it. Let me talk to you. -So what's up? What'd I miss? She told us the story of Freddy. It's a town legend. He was a child killer who was freed on a technicality. -She told us the story of Freddy. It's a town legend. He was a child killer who was freed on a technicality. So? -So? It pissed off a lot of parents. According to Kristen, they hunted him down; roasted him alive. -It pissed off a lot of parents. According to Kristen, they hunted him down; roasted him alive. Nice neighborhood. -Nice neighborhood. Now it gets weird. She says he comes back in dreams. If he kills you there, you're dead for real. -Hey man, we're all sorry... She knew she was gonna die. -Been up with Alice. How she doing? I ran into her last night. -How she doing? I ran into her last night. She's blaming herself for Sheila. I know how it feels. I've been thinking about Kristen. Maybe I could've stopped it, if I'd listened. -She's blaming herself for Sheila. I know how it feels. I've been thinking about Kristen. Maybe I could've stopped it, if I'd listened. About Freddy? -About Freddy? What else? You ever look over this town's history? Not a safe place to be a teenager. Anyway, if I'm next, watch your back. -Something the matter with the cuisine? Well Mom, I'll tell ya, when two of your friends die the same day, you let me know what it does to your appetite. -Well Mom, I'll tell ya, when two of your friends die the same day, you let me know what it does to your appetite. You're just tired. Don't think I haven't noticed your not sleeping. That has to stop, honey. -What's wrong with me? Your distraught. It'll help... -I'm sorry honey, but... Sorry!! Sorry that you and your tennis pals torched this guy who's now after me. In case you haven't been keeping score, it's his fucking banquet, and I'm the LAST COURSE!! -Sorry!! Sorry that you and your tennis pals torched this guy who's now after me. In case you haven't been keeping score, it's his fucking banquet, and I'm the LAST COURSE!! Honey, we went over this in therapy. -Honey, we went over this in therapy. Mother, you've just murdered me. Take that to your goddamn therapy... -Something wrong with the stairs? Avoid-all-contact-day. -Avoid-all-contact-day. What? -What? When dad's popping aspiring like popcorn, it's avoid-all-contact-day. -What is it? Oh God! He killed them! -Now you know who and what Freddy really is. I though Freddy was just an old town story. -I though Freddy was just an old town story. It's no story. It happened. Freddy's real and he's back. -I'll tell you later. It's no just a house. It's his home. He's waiting there for me...to dream. -It's no just a house. It's his home. He's waiting there for me...to dream. It's okay, babe. We're with you. -It's okay, babe. We're with you. I told you you can't help. This isn't a normal nightmare. I'm doomed. -Feeling better now? Yeah. I guess so... What happened? -Yeah. I guess so... What happened? You had a nasty bump. -I gotta get out of here. You just stay put. You need rest. -You just stay put. You need rest. You don't get it, he's after me... -You don't get it, he's after me... Don't worry, honey -Excuse us, dear. It's okay, Dan -Frankly, dear, we wondered what you intend to do with our baby? What I what? Well, I've thought about it. I plan to keep him. -Look, I appreciate what you're offering, but no. He is my responsibility. And ours. It's our grandchild. -In your present condition, Alice, we're worried about your ability -- "What are you talking about? My ""condition""?..." -We know you've been through a lot but there's more than your feelings at stake here. You're not taking my baby! -Hey...wake up. Huh? -Shouldn't you be in your room, Jacob? It's lonely in there, in my room. -It's lonely in there, in my room. My name is... -I'm sorry your boyfriend got killed. How did you know that? -How did you know that? I could tell you were sad. I just wanted to see if you were all right. -Hi, you don't look very well. Are you feeling all right? Been having bad dreams. -Is that who you're waiting for? No... -I don't think this is a nice place for you to be. Maybe we should go find your Mom. She doesn't want me around -She doesn't want me around Oh...I'm sure that's not true. I'll bet she's very worried about you. I would be. -No you're not. You don't even care about being a mom. How come you don't think about me? Who said I...wait, what? -Who says I don't like you? My friend, with the funny hand. -Mommy...? Come on downstairs. He won't hurt you. He needs us both. -Where is he? He's inside you, where he hides. -What do you mean? It's where he hides out. Inside. That's how he found me. -But how...? He says it's easy. Especially with sad people. With closed-off people. -Hi, beautiful. Jesus! Don't do that! -Jesus! Don't do that! Sorry, babe. -The tickets. They're coach seats, but the plane lands in Paris. It's gonna be a helluva summer, hon! -They're coach seats, but the plane lands in Paris. It's gonna be a helluva summer, hon! I know. -Okay, babe. What's the matter? Nothing...it's just...I didn't see my father at the ceremony. -Nothing...it's just...I didn't see my father at the ceremony. He'll show up. C'mon, what's really wrong? -About him? No. Well, not exactly...it's that...I felt like I wasn't in control. For the first time since...all that. I'm scared. -You stopped it didn't you? It was probably just a regular bad dream. Yeah...I guess. -Yeah...I guess. You don't dream him up, he can't hurt you. Or me. Or us. Remember... -You don't dream him up, he can't hurt you. Or me. Or us. Remember... You're right. -You're right. There you go. Love you. -There you go. Love you. Me too. -I was afraid you weren't coming. "I watched from behind the stands. Didn't want to embarrass you, ya know. ""The drunk showed up"", that kind of thing..." -"I watched from behind the stands. Didn't want to embarrass you, ya know. ""The drunk showed up"", that kind of thing..." That's in the past. Unless you've stopped going to the meetings. -That's in the past. Unless you've stopped going to the meetings. No. A deal's a deal. -Dad! It's the model you've been saving up for. I wanted you to have it for your trip. -Where are we going? To take a picture. -Thanks for everything, Dad. You sure you don't want a ride to work? -You sure you don't want a ride to work? It's just across the park. -I'm so sorry, honey... Daddy, he's coming back...Krueger's coming back. Make them understand. -How was the meeting? Sobering... -Sobering... Very funny. -Very funny. Alice... -Alice... Since when are you such a smart shopper? -Since when are you such a smart shopper? Since my little girl became a mom... -Since my little girl became a mom... You disappointed in me? -You disappointed in me? No, I'm not. I sort of hope it's a boy. Be nice to have a boy playing in the house again. -Alice! I've got to go. -I've got to go. No! I won't have you running around in the middle of the night. You're coming home. -No! I won't have you running around in the middle of the night. You're coming home. But Dad -- -But Dad -- Now. -Hey, what's wrong with you -- let's see a smile. Had kind of a long night. -Had kind of a long night. Dan keeping you up again? Put a lock on that window, girl. -Dan keeping you up again? Put a lock on that window, girl. No, the Dan part was nice... -Good to see you again, Mr. Grey. I've got to go find Dan. Yeah, before they revoke his diploma. -It was no accident. It was Krueger. He used to get in through my dreams, but not anymore. He's found some other way. Alice, it's no dream. I'm sorry...Dan's dead. -Have you visited the little boy on my floor? Jacob, the one who looks kind of sad? There aren't any little boys on your floor. -There aren't any little boys on your floor. He must've wandered up from the children's ward. I just wondered what was wrong with him. -Did everyone call everyone? They're waiting for us...but let's keep this dream stuff between you and me. -What's that got to do with it? When Dan died you weren't even asleep. You said so. End of story. -It was just an accident. Like with Dan. No accident. I tried to warn all of you about Krueger. -I don't understand what's happening. Krueger has to use my dreams, but he got to Dan and Greta while I was awake. How's he doing it? Why don't you two stick to reality. -You had me scared on the phone. What's wrong with the baby? I think Krueger's trying to do something to it. -Oh, Alice...no. Honey, I love you but you're going to have to get a hold of yourself... Mark knows I'm not crazy. Ask him to show you his hands. -I really think you need to calm down now, okay? I just can't figure out how he's getting in when I'm awake... -I am your friend, and I'm worried sick about you. But, you're like a locked safe. You've gotta start dealing with reality. Krueger is reality. -Krueger is reality. And so is your baby. You've got more than just yourself to think of now! -And so is your baby. You've got more than just yourself to think of now! What do you think I'm doing? Look. Whether you believe it or not, Krueger is back. He's after the baby and if I don't try to do something about it, who will?? -All I know is that you are not doing yourself or the baby any good by acting like a crazy woman. Why don't you take off - leave Springwood and cool out somewhere for a while? Goddamn it, Yvonne! You don't just run away from this guy! He finds you in your dreams. -Look...we're all tired. None of us had any sleep since Friday night... That's the only reason you're alive... -Are you alright? Yeah...So that's him. And you're not crazy. -You think that's the place she's buried? If they actually bothered to bury her. -What? Jacob. We've got to get to Amanda before it's too late. -But how are we gonna -- We've got to go to the asylum and find her body. Mark said her soul's trapped with it -- that's why she can't come to me. It must be! -You do good work, Alice. So did Dan. -He sure loves to stay awake. That's okay. He's got the rest of his life to catch up on his sleep. -Give up, Mark, it's hopeless. I think I'm starting to wear her down. Have some anyway. -Not to mention the heartbreak of psoriasis. Greta, come on. One burger with me? -My dad's got this thing about drinking in the house. Well we gotta do something! -I've got to write some of this down. That's why it's my fault Dan's dead. -Mark, are you okay? Yeah. I'm just aces. -I want to talk to both you guys about Greta. And... I'm very fucking sorry, but Greta is dead today. Could we interest you in someone else? -I thought about that. She must've fallen asleep at the table... -Then get out! Mark! -Do you think I'm an idiot...for being in love with her? Nobody thinks that. -Maybe it was her mother who killed her, with all that Polly Perfect shit. It wasn't her mother. The only reason we're still here is that none of us has slept since the grad party. -Tell me some more about this Krueger guy. Why don't I go make some coffee. There's a lot to tell. -Who's Jacob? My baby! -My baby! What, you named it already? -Whoa, slow down. How're you gonna hide from a guy like that, leave the planet? I don't know! -Where are you going? I'm going to see what else I can find out about Mr. Fred Krueger -I couldn't do that, Mark. He's my last link with Dan...No, I want him. Then we'll find another way. -They think I'm nuts. That's their problem. -No, it's our problem, Mark. If I don't deal with this, they really might try to take Jacob. You said she committed suicide? That's what the newspapers thought. She spent the rest of her life in the asylum. After Krueger's trial she flipped out and hung herself, so they thought. -That's what the newspapers thought. She spent the rest of her life in the asylum. After Krueger's trial she flipped out and hung herself, so they thought. Meaning? -They couldn't prove it. No body! Nuns bumping themselves off is bad for business. But I've seen her grave. -But I've seen her grave. Empty plot. Memorial stone. Vacant. They never did put her under. Cool, huh? -Poor woman... No shit. -I don't understand. She killed herself. Her soul's gonna be in torment. -Yeah, when are you gonna come to your senses? Next life. Oh, what's that? -Next life. Oh, what's that? My undying love. Have some. -Meet me later. Milkshakes. Cherry pie. Banana splits. And no mom! Pimples, heartburn, cellulite... and no modeling career. -That club sucks, they card everybody. Let's just party at your place. You know my mother -- get real. What about Alice's? -He's right. Sometimes I feel like I'm living with Melicertes. Who? -Who? Oh, he was this ancient guy I read about who like, killed his kids 'cause they didn't want to run the kingdom the way he thought they should. -Oh man! I could've gone all night without looking at that. I don't believe this... All that gore you paint in the comics and you're squeamish? -These things are wild... What do you think? Makes you look like a nun-- -All right kids, I tell you what we're gonna do. I've got swimming practice until six-thirty today... Yeah... -Yeah... That means they're gonna give me the key to the pool so I can lock up when I'm done. -Have another one, sounds like you need it. Naah, I'm done. Got to be on shift in a couple hours. Aren't you going in? -Naah, I'm done. Got to be on shift in a couple hours. Aren't you going in? Nah. It's getting too cold for me, and my wonderful mother will kill me if I screw up my hair. She's got some model agency guy coming to dinner tomorrow night. -Stop saying that, it's bullshit. I want to talk about the baby. -Look. Dan's parents were pushing him. Pushing him hard. He was bitching about it at the party last night. He was under pressure. We all are. Pushy parents can make you more than a bit crazy. -Bottom line, Alice. Anybody, supernatural or not, that wants to hurt you - he'll have to go through us first. All of us. Right? -Dan. And he's taking Alice with him -- pretty good dive Yvonne. You've been practicing. Two hours a day, six days a week. -Vomit? Faint. -Why don't you shut up and let her talk! Two of us died in the last two days, does that strike you as particularly normal?! Mark... -Mark... I'm not finished - I loved Greta. A lot. And if maybe, just maybe, someone or some thing killed her, I'd like to hear about it! -I'm not finished - I loved Greta. A lot. And if maybe, just maybe, someone or some thing killed her, I'd like to hear about it! I can't listen to this. -It's okay. Stick around, please? -You, too? He invited me to his house last night. -I should have suspectcd, when I heard that 'Doctor.' I thought it was your father. It was supposed to be. Dad had a heart attack, two days ago. -It was supposed to be. Dad had a heart attack, two days ago. How is he - ? -How is he - ? It was moderate. He'll be all right. But it was out of the question, his coming along. -It was moderate. He'll be all right. But it was out of the question, his coming along. And they thought you could re- place the Skipper? -You could train someone else. Not in two days. Look: Do you think I wanted to come? If it didn't mean so much to Dad - proving his depth-explorer - it's the last thing I'd want! -What is it? Your 'out.' This came for you. -Your 'out.' This came for you. My father! He's not - ? -My father! He's not - ? Dead? Matter of fact, he's much better. He's left the hospital. -What did you mean: I'm 'out?' Your father can be in Nome, Alaska, tomorrow. We have two choices: Ask them to send him out in a 'copter', and take you off, or the Shark can put back into Nome... -You 'trade school boys' are all alike, aren't you? Anybody who doesn't happen to think like a little gold-braided puppet is, ipso facto, a coward! You said it. But I won't argue - -Wearing a uniform doesn't bestow an automatic monopoly on courage, Commander! It just so happens I'm not a coward - physical or mental - and before I'd risk my father's life... We're all risking our lives! -We're all risking our lives! That may be. But Dad stays where he is, and I'm staying here! -That may be. But Dad stays where he is, and I'm staying here! You're really a mixed-up oddball, aren't you? -You're really a mixed-up oddball, aren't you? Perhaps. But the idea of willingly going to school to spend my life at a Paleozoic pastime that should have disappeared with the thunder-lizards - I'm referring to War - that strikes me as the worst cowardice of all - being spiritually yellow! -Perhaps. But the idea of willingly going to school to spend my life at a Paleozoic pastime that should have disappeared with the thunder-lizards - I'm referring to War - that strikes me as the worst cowardice of all - being spiritually yellow! You mean nothing is worth fighting for? -You mean nothing is worth fighting for? Peace - the dignity of man - the destiny of the human spirit! Show me a man who says you win those by fighting wars, and I'll show you an idiot! -Peace - the dignity of man - the destiny of the human spirit! Show me a man who says you win those by fighting wars, and I'll show you an idiot! You may not win them. But without men like your father, to 'degrade' himself by fighting to preserve them - or as much as we have of them - they'd have disappeared, long ago! -Unidentified Flying Objects. Then...this is a 'flying saucer?' -That's enough, Holloway. I've told you before, wearing boards on your shoulders, and parading with a stiff spine doesn't auto- matically endow you with back- bone - ! - any more than being the son of Captain Neilsen does! -However our ideas disagree, as I've said before, I'm not a coward! And it happens you've got no choice: Either I take you down there, in the Lungfish, or you don't get there - I'd sooner swim! -They're so remote - cold - beautiful, the stars. But now - I wonder - Yes? -Yes? Which is the one - we have to worry about? -Maybe - just 'maybe' - when their ship doesn't return - they'll decide not to come here, after all. But if they do? -But if they do? I don't know. -I don't know. I wouldn't worry. So long as we have boats like the Tiger Shark - and people like you, the Skipper, Dave, Kent, Sir Ian and my father - -I wouldn't worry. So long as we have boats like the Tiger Shark - and people like you, the Skipper, Dave, Kent, Sir Ian and my father - And his 'egghead' son! We'll give 'em a rough reception, won't we? -Now, Dave Old Buddy, you know you're exaggerating - What do you think of this husband of yours? On most boats a certain loyalty exists between the Exec and his Navigation and Firing Officer. But unfortunately, in the case of Lieutenant Dave Milburn of the Tiger Shark and myself - But Julie's a nice girl, and I've seen you work. She deserves a fighting chance! -But Julie's a nice girl, and I've seen you work. She deserves a fighting chance! Helen. I appeal to you - -Reef! So they caught up with you, too? -So they caught up with you, too? At the worst possible moment. Tomorrow is Janie's birthday. Poor little kid has looked forward for two months to having her Daddy home. Now - -At the worst possible moment. Tomorrow is Janie's birthday. Poor little kid has looked forward for two months to having her Daddy home. Now - That's the worst possible moment? -That's the worst possible moment? What could be worse than disappoint- ing a little girl? -What could be worse than disappoint- ing a little girl? Disappointing a big girl! -You've asked why I stay a bachelor? There goes the best reason I know! Huh? -Huh? I might have a son like that! -I guess Skipper Neilsen re- tired before you enrolled at the Academy, didn't he? I guess. -I guess. One of the finest men, and officers, alive. A real hero - in the best sense of the word - in World War Two. He taught us Engineering and Design. Fought like a demon to develop atom subs. -One of the finest men, and officers, alive. A real hero - in the best sense of the word - in World War Two. He taught us Engineering and Design. Fought like a demon to develop atom subs. So? -So? So all of a sudden his only son drops out of school, be- gins making noises like a pacifist. A real egghead, do-gooder, and crackpot! 'Ban the atom tests! Junk the nuclear subs! Spend the mili- tary budgetfor peace!' -So all of a sudden his only son drops out of school, be- gins making noises like a pacifist. A real egghead, do-gooder, and crackpot! 'Ban the atom tests! Junk the nuclear subs! Spend the mili- tary budgetfor peace!' A lot of people think like that. -But they're not Skipper Neilsen's son! It broke his heart. Then when some newspapers called Carl 'the honest, sincere son of a war-mongering father' - Captain Neilsen resigned from the Navy. Oh, he still keeps his hand in - playing around with projects like the 'Lungfish' - but it broke him, all the same. Have you ever talked to Carl - tried to see his side? -Have you ever talked to Carl - tried to see his side? 'His' side? I've seen it, all right. A nice, bright yellow! -Cyclops? Sounds like it! Distress call, from a small freighter, between Ellesmere Island and Greenland. One mayday, then...nothing. -We're stuck tight! Skipper! Look at the depth gauge! -You've got to let us try, Skipper -- 'Us?' -'Us?' Reef and I can take the Explorer down, clamp it around the eye, and --- -You all wait here. I'm going inside, take a look. Not alone, you're not! -How about that! The bow drove half through her, but she sealed herself right up. What's more important - there's our problem. The bow ram - the sawteeth are holding the Shark in the break. If we can cut the ram, the Shark can pull herself loose! -What's more important - there's our problem. The bow ram - the sawteeth are holding the Shark in the break. If we can cut the ram, the Shark can pull herself loose! I think you're right. -I think you're right. Go back and tell Dr. Neilsen. Have him report to the Skipper. -Yeah? Listen! Hear that? -I don't hear anything. Maybe you've been down here too long. Why don't you go back up and - Strange you didn't hear it. OMIT 274F -Hey - you know somethin'? It's getting lighter in here! You know - it is? -And if I didn't know better - I'd swear we were moving! Let's get back to work, and maybe we will be, soon. -You hear that? The sound again? -Where do you think the voice you heard was coming from? Somewhere down there? -Somewhere down there? Wonder where Powell and Carney are? -Wonder where Powell and Carney are? We'll have to look for them later. -Well? I'm with you! -Here - keep these. It wants me to come alone. Oh it does??? -Dave - ! What's goin' on in here, Lad? What - ? -Get ready. We shove off as soon as Griff reports all the crew aboard. Right, Skipper. -Is there any way out of it? Seems to be all around... -Seems to be all around... What about down? -What about down? I...don't know! -Course and speed? Speed...about twenty-two knots. Course...due north! -A mass of jelly-like stuff came out of the thing, and caught our torpedo! What??? -What course, Skipper? Right at our one-eyed friend! -You better take Powell and Carney with you -- The frogmen? -The frogmen? With their underwater experience, they'll be invaluable. Take sidearms, and flare pistols -- -With their underwater experience, they'll be invaluable. Take sidearms, and flare pistols -- Sidearms? But the saucer's dead. -Sidearms? But the saucer's dead. We hope! -Excuse me, Skipper--- Yes, Griff? -Yes, Griff? All internal repairs completed, and Frogmen report exterior damage minor. -Skipper - could you take a look here...? Something wrong? -Something wrong? The inertial navigation system. Must have been knocked out in the crash. -The inertial navigation system. Must have been knocked out in the crash. Why do you say that? -Why do you say that? We're dead in the water. But it indicates we're moving! -We're dead in the water. But it indicates we're moving! What???? -We read you! Go ahead, Doctor! They're inside the saucer. It's filled with breathable air! Wonderful! -Wonderful! That's wonderful, Carl! Reef thinks they can clear the Shark bow so we can pull ourself loose! -Now they feel it...down below. Radiation level...constantly rising... -Excuse me, Captain - there may be one last, desperate chance - a one-in-a-thousand shot... Anything --- -Anything --- It's possible I could adapt one of the torpedo guidance systems to the ICBM - so it would 'home' on the saucer when he rises from the Pole. -It's possible I could adapt one of the torpedo guidance systems to the ICBM - so it would 'home' on the saucer when he rises from the Pole. What about time...? -It doesn't seem possible, but - could it be an electrical storm center - ? Under water? -Under water? High-intensity arcs will burn, submerged. And millions of volts...discharged in random directions... -...above Murmansk, and Finland. Suppose our theorizing is correct? Then this could be the next danger point! -Suppose our theorizing is correct? Then this could be the next danger point! What if the Tiger Shark were to anticipate a bit? Perhaps be lying there waiting - ? -We took for granted his source of energy was nuclear. But suppose it isn't at all - what if it's magnetic? We harness energy on a small scale by cutting magnetic lines of force. Maybe Cyclops does it on a super scale.... -We harness energy on a small scale by cutting magnetic lines of force. Maybe Cyclops does it on a super scale.... The North Pole is the positive end of the biggest magnet of all - the Earth itself! -....in such a way as to prevent his returning to it and, as you put it.... ...'recharging his batteries'? If we were lucky enough to catch him with his power depleted.... -The radiation level - from the saucer - it's rising! What direction does the system indicate? -As we near the Pole... There's got to be an explanation! -There's got to be an explanation! There is. I believe our friend...Cyclops... is returning to life! -All ready? As ready as we can be! I'll report to the Skipper. -Thought you were going to Washington, Skipper. I did go. Just back. Reef, these are a couple of our passengers - Sir Ian Hunt, and Dr. Clifford Kent. My exec, Commander Richard Holloway. -I did go. Just back. Reef, these are a couple of our passengers - Sir Ian Hunt, and Dr. Clifford Kent. My exec, Commander Richard Holloway. I met Dr. Kent, once. -I'm - afraid I have some bad news for you, Reef - You'll have to share quarters, this trip. Who with? -Who with? Dr. Neilsen. He'll be - - -'Doctor' Neilsen? When did that happen? Huh? -Huh? It'll be all right. We're old friends! -What do you think? I think I should have joined the Air Force! -Determine extent of damage, immediately. After torpedo room: Report! -You're sure it's Cyclops? Take a look. -What's the running time? Thirty-four seconds! -Right at him? That's what I said! -That's what I said! But - what can we accomplish? -But - what can we accomplish? We can ram him! -A hundred and eighty fathoms! We can't be sinking that fast.... It's the screws, Skipper. At our declination angle, running in reverse, they're pulling the Shark and Cyclops right to the bottom. -It's the screws, Skipper. At our declination angle, running in reverse, they're pulling the Shark and Cyclops right to the bottom. And we're at safe maximum depth already.... Stop engines! -Suppose there's an atmosphere, of some kind, inside Cyclops? What? -What? If we could get inside the saucer - use our torches - maybe we could cut the Shark loose? -Straight to the Pole - at almost fifty knots! Nothing we can do, now. -What's the corrected bearing to the Magnetic Pole? Minus three. -Remove your weapons, Commander. And come here - alone! Come where? -That's a face??? Point of view is everything. To us, your form of life is ugly as we appear to you. -Point of view is everything. To us, your form of life is ugly as we appear to you. Tell me something: Why can I hear you, when the others couldn't? -My mission is to study various solar systems, and planets - select the most suitable for colonization - - for horrors like yourself? -Swell! Your friend was to remain where he was! -He did! I am afraid not. Therefore - -Why not me? What am I - the closing act? On the contrary. I want you - unharmed - perfect. -On the contrary. I want you - unharmed - perfect. Why? -Why? I have selected you, to return with me - along with several other specimens, for study. We will examine you and the others, discover desirable features to incorporate in our 'earth-colonizers.' -It is a living thing. When damaged - you would say 'wounded' - it immediately 'heals' itself. That's why no water leaked inside when we rammed you? -That's why no water leaked inside when we rammed you? Of course. But it is time to be- gin the return voyage -- -To navigate, won't you have to... see your way? Obviously. -Obviously. That might be a little rough! -My yeoman will show you to your quarters. Thank you. -See what? The pattern. Each incident occurred almost precisely a thousand statute miles from the Pole. A line through the points of occurrence makes almost a complete circle... -Well, I'll be - ! I'll be another! -Just musing about our 'one-eyed adversary' and the legend of Homer. 'Cyclopes' were the Sons of Heaven, who forged the thunder- bolts thrown by Zeus. Our 'Cyclops' throws quite a thunderbolt, itself! -You plotted the course of Cyclops? Then that's our course! Wherever he goes, we go.....until we get him! Or, perhaps, until he gets us? -We've asked ourselves that - over and over - a thousand times. But answers are what we need - not more questions! -Due north. At five knots...no, six! Toward the Pole! -Cyclops will have to linger at the Pole to recharge his power banks. All right - go to it. -You got yourself a computer, Alma. Been putting my files into it. You take sugar and milk? -Been putting my files into it. You take sugar and milk? No. Black. -Are you alright, Wade? Yeah, sure. Why? I got this damned tooth, I got a few things bugging me, like everybody else. But I'm okay. -Yeah, sure. Why? I got this damned tooth, I got a few things bugging me, like everybody else. But I'm okay. Well, you look... sad. Upset. I don't mean to pry. I'm sorry about your mother. It was a nice funeral. -Well, you look... sad. Upset. I don't mean to pry. I'm sorry about your mother. It was a nice funeral. Alma, I think there's some dirty business going on in this town. -Alma, I think there's some dirty business going on in this town. Always has been. -Always has been. This is maybe worse than you and I are used to. What I'm talking about, I'm talking about murder. Among other things. -This is maybe worse than you and I are used to. What I'm talking about, I'm talking about murder. Among other things. Who? -Who? Evan Twombley, the union boss who got shot. Somebody murdered him. -Evan Twombley, the union boss who got shot. Somebody murdered him. Who? -Who? You know Jack Hewitt, the kid I work with? -...if Jack told the truth, he could be free by the time he's my age. Sometimes things are simpler than you think. Let me ask you a question. -Sometimes things are simpler than you think. Let me ask you a question. You don't believe me? -You don't believe me? About Jack? No. Have you checked out the tax bill on your father's farm lately? -About Jack? No. Have you checked out the tax bill on your father's farm lately? I know he's due for the last two years. I was thinking of paying it when the insurance comes in. -I know he's due for the last two years. I was thinking of paying it when the insurance comes in. Has anybody offered to buy it? -Has anybody offered to buy it? As a mater of fact, yes. LaRiviere. -This is from three years ago. Some difference, huh? What is the Northcountry Development Association? -What is the Northcountry Development Association? I went down to Concord to check it out. The president is Mel Gordon. The vice-president and treasurer is Gordon LaRiviere. Those boys are buying up the mountain, Wade. $364,000 this year. I believe that's out of LaRiviere's league. -I went down to Concord to check it out. The president is Mel Gordon. The vice-president and treasurer is Gordon LaRiviere. Those boys are buying up the mountain, Wade. $364,000 this year. I believe that's out of LaRiviere's league. Twombley involved? -Twombley involved? No. -No. He musta found out. They had to get rid of him. And Jack'll get blamed. -He musta found out. They had to get rid of him. And Jack'll get blamed. All the figures show is that Gordon LaRiviere is going to be a very rich man using his position as Selectman. In a year or two, you won't recognize this town. -What are you boys up to? Same old shit. -The good news is we haven't got to your car yet. The bad news -- Just tell me when you'll have it fixed. -Just tell me when you'll have it fixed. -- the bad news is there's a problem with Gordon's truck what somebody drove through the ice last night. Figured you'd know something about that, Wade. --- the bad news is there's a problem with Gordon's truck what somebody drove through the ice last night. Figured you'd know something about that, Wade. Yeah. I know about that. -Yeah. I know about that. LaRiviere says he ain't gonna pay for the fixin' of your car. A couple hundred for the clutch. I got some more bad news. Wanna hear it? -LaRiviere says he ain't gonna pay for the fixin' of your car. A couple hundred for the clutch. I got some more bad news. Wanna hear it? Tell me. -Tell me. Chub says you're fired. -Chub says you're fired. He can't fire me. LaRiviere already did that this morning. -He can't fire me. LaRiviere already did that this morning. He's a Selectman. The town. He said to tell you to turn your badge in and clean out your office. I'm supposed to pull the CB and police light out of your car. They're town property. -I screwed up the divorce. I agreed with everything she said. I wanted her to like me. I just want to be a good father. It would help if you were married, if there was someone at home while you work. -It would help if you were married, if there was someone at home while you work. I plan to. Soon. -I plan to. Soon. How soon? -How soon? This spring. -This spring. Good. It would help if there were some drug or alcohol abuse on the part of your ex-wife. Sexual problems upsetting to the child. -Good. It would help if there were some drug or alcohol abuse on the part of your ex-wife. Sexual problems upsetting to the child. It looks pretty hopeless, don't it? -It looks pretty hopeless, don't it? No, not exactly. I'll look at the divorce decree, see if we can get it redrawn. Interview your daughter. Jill, right? -No, not exactly. I'll look at the divorce decree, see if we can get it redrawn. Interview your daughter. Jill, right? Yes. -Yes. Fine. I'll need a $500 retainer. You can mail it. -Fine. I'll need a $500 retainer. You can mail it. Jesus. How much... how much will the whole thing cost? -Jesus. How much... how much will the whole thing cost? Hard to say. If we go for custody, depositions, psychiatric evaluations, it could drag on. Ten or twelve thousand dollars. She could win on appeal. If we just want to get the visitation rights redrawn, assuming they're unduly restrictive, it wouldn't be more than twenty-five hundred. -Hard to say. If we go for custody, depositions, psychiatric evaluations, it could drag on. Ten or twelve thousand dollars. She could win on appeal. If we just want to get the visitation rights redrawn, assuming they're unduly restrictive, it wouldn't be more than twenty-five hundred. Oh. -Oh. You might be better off legally as well as financially to just go for the -- -You might be better off legally as well as financially to just go for the -- Yeah. I know. The custody suit thing was just my getting back at her. I'm not as dumb as I look. Whatever you say. I love my daughter. I'll send you the five hundred. -You heard the news. I hear Twombley got shot. -I hear Twombley got shot. Yeah. -You see it? Nope. Heard it. We wasn't far apart. I spotted this buck, then I heard the gun go off and Twombley was gone. I looked over the little cliff we was using for a stand and there the fucker was, deader'n shit. Called it right in. -Nope. Heard it. We wasn't far apart. I spotted this buck, then I heard the gun go off and Twombley was gone. I looked over the little cliff we was using for a stand and there the fucker was, deader'n shit. Called it right in. This is gonna be one fucking mess to clean up. Twombley's son-in-law and daughter are up the weekend. Didn't you say you'd seen him, Wade? -Might as well take the rest of the day off. You look sort of fucked up. You've been paid for the day, anyhow, right? Not exactly. I mean, he never paid me. -Not exactly. I mean, he never paid me. You'll get your money. Don't talk to any newspapers about this. Twombley's a big deal down in Massachusetts, you know. Tell them your lawyer says you shouldn't comment. -You'll get your money. Don't talk to any newspapers about this. Twombley's a big deal down in Massachusetts, you know. Tell them your lawyer says you shouldn't comment. Lawyer? I don't need no lawyer, do I? -Lawyer? I don't need no lawyer, do I? No, of course not. Just say it, that's all. -He's on to us! Shit! What are we gonna do? -Shit! What are we gonna do? Maybe I can buy him off. I gotta talk to Mel. -Maybe I can buy him off. I gotta talk to Mel. You can't buy Wade off. -You can't buy Wade off. We bought you. -We bought you. That was me. -It's not enough snow, not for tracking the bastards. No advantage there, kid. Don't worry, Mr. Twombley, I know where those suckers are. Rain or shine, snow or no snow. I know deer. We'll kill us a buck today. Guaranteed. Before ten. -Don't worry, Mr. Twombley, I know where those suckers are. Rain or shine, snow or no snow. I know deer. We'll kill us a buck today. Guaranteed. Before ten. Guaranteed, eh? -Guaranteed, eh? Yep. Right about now the does are holing up in the brush piles. The bucks are right behind them and we're right behind the bucks. This gun gets fired before ten o'clock. Whether it kills a deer or not is more less up to you. I'll put you inside 30, 35 yards of a buck the first four hours of the season. That's what you're paying me for, ain't it? -Yep. Right about now the does are holing up in the brush piles. The bucks are right behind them and we're right behind the bucks. This gun gets fired before ten o'clock. Whether it kills a deer or not is more less up to you. I'll put you inside 30, 35 yards of a buck the first four hours of the season. That's what you're paying me for, ain't it? Damn straight! -Done much shooting with that rifle yet? Tell you what. You get me close to a big buck by ten, kid, there's another hundred bucks in it. -Tell you what. You get me close to a big buck by ten, kid, there's another hundred bucks in it. If you get it? -If you get it? Yeah. -Yeah. You might not kill it. -You might not kill it. You think so. -You think so. You might gut-shoot it or cripple it for somebody else to find and tag. Can't guarantee that won't happen, especially with a new gun. I may have to shoot it. -You might gut-shoot it or cripple it for somebody else to find and tag. Can't guarantee that won't happen, especially with a new gun. I may have to shoot it. You take care of your end, kid, I'll take care of mine. -You take care of your end, kid, I'll take care of mine. Mmm. -Mmm. You understand what I'm saying? I want a deer, a dead one, not a cripple or whatthefuck. -You understand what I'm saying? I want a deer, a dead one, not a cripple or whatthefuck. I get it. No sweat. You'll get yourself a deer and you'll get him dead. And you'll have him by coffee time. -I get it. No sweat. You'll get yourself a deer and you'll get him dead. And you'll have him by coffee time. And you'll get your extra hundred bucks. -And you'll get your extra hundred bucks. Wonderful! -I'm okay. Follow close. We'll cross the next meadow. -I used to play ball. Yeah? -Yeah? Drafted by the Red Sox. -Drafted by the Red Sox. You played for the Sox? -You played for the Sox? Double A. New Britain. -Double A. New Britain. Oh. -Oh. "Pitcher. ""Best ballplayer to come out of New Hampshire since Carlton Fisk.""" -"Pitcher. ""Best ballplayer to come out of New Hampshire since Carlton Fisk.""" Really. -Really. They said. -They said. Hmm. -Hmm. The only difference between me and that Clemens on TV is luck, shit luck. -The only difference between me and that Clemens on TV is luck, shit luck. What happened? -What happened? Ruined my arm. Brought me along too fast. Why'd it have to be my fucking arm, I used to think. Then I realized it had to be somebody's fucking arm. -Safety on? Yeah. -Yeah. This way. -This way. Sun's gettin high. -Sun's gettin high. Deers have ears too. -Fresh tracks. Deer shit. Big one. Here's your buck, Mr. Twombley. I'll circle around. You only got a little while if you want your hundred bucks. -Don't mind if I do. LaRiviere's having a hell of a time in there. Master of fucking ceremonies. -LaRiviere's having a hell of a time in there. Master of fucking ceremonies. Where's that gun you were bragging on today? -No brag. Just fact. Got you for -- 450, 500 bucks? -I thought I told you to move that truck! Relax, Chief. We're leaving. You wanna toke? -Relax, Chief. We're leaving. You wanna toke? You gotta be more careful about that shit. Gordon or one of those guys sees you smoking that wacky tabacky around me they'll expect me to bust you. And I'll be outta a job. -You gotta be more careful about that shit. Gordon or one of those guys sees you smoking that wacky tabacky around me they'll expect me to bust you. And I'll be outta a job. Some job. Here, have a hit. Don't be such a hardass. I know you got problems, but everybody's got problems. -Some job. Here, have a hit. Don't be such a hardass. I know you got problems, but everybody's got problems. Not here. -Got a job first thing in the morning, first day of season. Saturday I'll hunt for myself. Twombley something. - Er -- Evan. He's a mucky-muck union official from Massachusetts. You're lucky. -Evan. He's a mucky-muck union official from Massachusetts. You're lucky. Don't know about lucky. The guy's a full-blown asshole. Pay's good, though. $100 a day. I got to guarantee a kill, of course. Which I can do. There's some monster bucks hiding out up there. -Don't know about lucky. The guy's a full-blown asshole. Pay's good, though. $100 a day. I got to guarantee a kill, of course. Which I can do. There's some monster bucks hiding out up there. How'd you get the job? -How'd you get the job? Gordon, he's always got some angle working. He wants to keep Twombley happy, I'm his boy. -Like you and Gordon? Right. The sonofabitch couldn't get along without me. -Right. The sonofabitch couldn't get along without me. Yeah, he'd go broke tomorrow if you quit him. -Yeah, he'd go broke tomorrow if you quit him. Right! -Bastard's got his high beams on. Shit. -Aw, shit, she's here to get Jill. Me and Jill had a little argument. Jack, I got to get back, get back to town. Move this thing, will you? See if you can get back to the Town Hall before they get there, okay? Piece of fucking cake. -Where'd Twombley get shot? In the chest. -In the chest. No, I mean whereabouts. -No, I mean whereabouts. A half mile in, along the old lumber road. -A half mile in, along the old lumber road. You bring him up yourself? That's a steep climb. -You bring him up yourself? That's a steep climb. The ambulance guys lugged him up. -The ambulance guys lugged him up. You stayed away? -You stayed away? Yeah. -Yeah. Where'd you get the blood? -Where'd you get the blood? What blood? -What blood? On your sleeve. -On your sleeve. Musta... How'd I know? What're you doing, playing cop? -Musta... How'd I know? What're you doing, playing cop? I gotta make a report to Fish and Game. I was just wondering, that's all. What'd he do, to shoot himself, I mean? -I gotta make a report to Fish and Game. I was just wondering, that's all. What'd he do, to shoot himself, I mean? Who the fuck knows? Musta slipped or something. I just heard the gun go off. -Who the fuck knows? Musta slipped or something. I just heard the gun go off. I never seen a man shot before. Not even in the service. Must be something. -I never seen a man shot before. Not even in the service. Must be something. Well, I didn't actually see him do it. Like I said. -Well, I didn't actually see him do it. Like I said. Sure you did. -Sure you did. What? -What? Saw him do it? -Saw him do it? What the fuck you telling me, Wade? I never seen the guy get shot, I told you that. -What the fuck you telling me, Wade? I never seen the guy get shot, I told you that. You musta seen him get shot. I know you did. -You musta seen him get shot. I know you did. Let's get the fuck outta here. You're not making any sense, man. -There's your old twenty-gauge, and that there's the new Browning you was showing me last night. This must be Twombley's gun. Brand new. Very fancy tooling. Probably fired one time. It's a beautiful piece of work. But what the hell, Jack, I guess you deserve it. Right's right. Yeah. -Yeah. Twombley sure as hell won't be shooting it again. -Twombley sure as hell won't be shooting it again. He sure as hell won't. -I'm fucking out of here. Lawford? -Lawford? Out of this fucking job. This job sucks. Working outside in the winter sucks. -Open the door, will ya? Why don't you quit now, you want out so bad? -Why don't you quit now, you want out so bad? Open the door. We're late. -Open the door. We're late. I mean it -- you got enough money now. Head out for California. Surf's up, Jack, and you're digging wells in the snow. -I mean it -- you got enough money now. Head out for California. Surf's up, Jack, and you're digging wells in the snow. What do you mean I got money? I'm as broke as you. -I'm sorry for the screw-up. But I couldn't help it it's too late to go trick-or-treating now. I couldn't help it I had to stop at Penny's for the costume. And you were hungry, remember. Who's fault is it then if it's not yours? You're the one in charge, Daddy. -Who's fault is it then if it's not yours? You're the one in charge, Daddy. Yeah. -Yeah. Look. Those kids are still trick-or- treating. They're still out. -Those are the Hoyts. I don't care. They're out. -I don't care. They're out. Can't you see... look out there. Nobody's got their porch lights on anymore. It's too late. Those Hoyt kids are just out to get in trouble. See, they put shaving cream all over that mailbox there. They chopped down Herb Crane's new bushes. Little bastards. Jesus H. Christ. -Why do they do that? Do what? -Do what? You know. -You know. Break stuff? -Break stuff? Yeah. It's stupid. -Yeah. It's stupid. I guess they're stupid. -I guess they're stupid. Did you do that when you were a kid? -Did you do that when you were a kid? Well, yeah. Sort of. Nothing really mean. Me and my pals, me and my brothers. It was kind of funny then. Stealing pumpkins, soaping windows. Stuff like that. -Well, yeah. Sort of. Nothing really mean. Me and my pals, me and my brothers. It was kind of funny then. Stealing pumpkins, soaping windows. Stuff like that. Was it funny? -Was it funny? To us it was. -To us it was. But it's not funny now. -But it's not funny now. It's not funny now. I'm a cop and I gotta listen to all the complaints people make. I'm not a kid anymore. You change. -It's not funny now. I'm a cop and I gotta listen to all the complaints people make. I'm not a kid anymore. You change. I bet you did lots of bad things. -I bet you did lots of bad things. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I just think you used to be bad. -I just think you used to be bad. No. I didn't used to be bad. No sir. Where do you get this stuff? From your mother? -No. I didn't used to be bad. No sir. Where do you get this stuff? From your mother? No. She doesn't talk about you anymore. -Go on, Jill. Some of those kids you still know. I don't want to. -I don't want to. Why? Why not? You know these kids from when you went to school here. It hasn't been that long. -Why? Why not? You know these kids from when you went to school here. It hasn't been that long. It's not that. -It's not that. What then? -What then? It's stupid. -It's stupid. It's fun. -It's fun. I want to go home. I don't like it here. -I want to go home. I don't like it here. Oh, Jesus, come on, will you? Don't mess this up anymore than it's already been messed up. Join the other kids. Do that and before you know it you'll be as happy as a goddamned clam. -Some party, huh? Sorry I lost sight of you. I had to step outside for a smoke. You find anybody you know here? There must be some kids you used to know from school. You want to go tomorrow? See your old teachers? Be more fun than hanging out with me all day. No. -No. No what? -No what? No I didn't see anybody I know. No I don't want to go to school here tomorrow. I want to go home. -No I didn't see anybody I know. No I don't want to go to school here tomorrow. I want to go home. You are home. There are lots of kids you still know here. -You are home. There are lots of kids you still know here. I don't want to be here. Don't worry, I love you, Daddy, I do. But I want to go home. -I don't want to be here. Don't worry, I love you, Daddy, I do. But I want to go home. Jesus. Listen, Jill, tell you what. Tomorrow morning, you still want to go home, I'll drive you down. I'll get off work or something. -Jesus. Listen, Jill, tell you what. Tomorrow morning, you still want to go home, I'll drive you down. I'll get off work or something. I called Mommy. -I called Mommy. What? You called Mommy? Just now? -What? You called Mommy? Just now? Yes. -Yes. Jesus, why? -Jesus, why? I... because I want to go home. She said she'd come and get me. -I... because I want to go home. She said she'd come and get me. Come and get you! Shit! It's a damn half hour drive each way. Why didn't you talk to me about it first? -Come and get you! Shit! It's a damn half hour drive each way. Why didn't you talk to me about it first? See, I knew you'd be mad. -See, I knew you'd be mad. Yeah. Yeah, right, I'm mad. What'd you tell her, for Christ sake? -Yeah. Yeah, right, I'm mad. What'd you tell her, for Christ sake? I told her I wanted to come home. Daddy, don't be mad at me. -I told her I wanted to come home. Daddy, don't be mad at me. Well, I guess I am. I planned this, I planned all this, you know. I mean, it's sort of pathetic, but I planned it. You shouldn't have called your mother. C'mon, we're gonna call her before she leaves. -She's gone already! Gone already! Couldn't wait. Yes. -Yes. "That's all you got to say? ""Yes""." -"That's all you got to say? ""Yes""." Yes. -Yes. She won't be here for a half hour. Think you can stand it that long? -She won't be here for a half hour. Think you can stand it that long? Yes. -Yes. Where do you expect to wait for her? Obviously downstairs with the other kids isn't good enough. -Sit right there by yourself if you want. Wait for her by yourself. That's fine with me. Just dandy. I'm going downstairs. That's fine with me too. When Mommy comes, tell her I'm up here. -Dad. I'm glad you're here. Can you stay for a while? -Are we going in this? Yeah. My car's in the shop. This'll be fine. -Yeah. My car's in the shop. This'll be fine. It's pretty old. -It's pretty old. It belongs to Pop. -It belongs to Pop. Pop? -Pop? Grandpa. My father. It's his. -Grandpa. My father. It's his. Oh. -How about a Big Mac? Mommy won't let me eat fast food. You know that. It's bad for you. -Mommy won't let me eat fast food. You know that. It's bad for you. C'mon, we can always sneak a Big Mac. And a cherry turnover. Your favorite. What do you say? -C'mon, we can always sneak a Big Mac. And a cherry turnover. Your favorite. What do you say? No. -No. What do you want, then? -What do you want, then? Nothing. -Nothing. You can't have nothing, Jill. We need lunch. Mr. Pizza? -You can't have nothing, Jill. We need lunch. Mr. Pizza? Same thing, Daddy. Mommy says -- -Same thing, Daddy. Mommy says -- I know what Mommy says. I'm in charge today, though. -I know what Mommy says. I'm in charge today, though. Okay. So we'll get what you want. What do you want? -Nothing, I guess. I guess I can wait till we get home. Maybe we'll stop by Wickham's for a hamburger when we get to Lawford. That suit you? You always like Wickham's. Okay. -Okay. Fine. -Please don't cry. Please, honey. What are you sorry for? -What are you sorry for? I don't know. For the food business. I guess. I just thought, you know, we'd sneak a Big Mac on Mommy, like we used to. -I don't know. For the food business. I guess. I just thought, you know, we'd sneak a Big Mac on Mommy, like we used to. I want to go home. -I want to go home. You can't. -That's illegal, you know. I know. -I know. You're a policeman. -You're a policeman. Nope. Not anymore. I'm nothing anymore. -Nope. Not anymore. I'm nothing anymore. Oh. -Jill, please, it's alright. Nothing happened. I want to go home. -I want to go home. Okay, let's go home, then. -We're looking for the funniest costume! And the scariest! And the most imaginative! And the best costume of all! Got here just in time. Go ahead. Jump in line. Maybe you'll win a prize. -Tomorrow, Gordon. Watch this snow. It's coming down tonight. -Told you the snow was coming down. Take the grader. Where's the plow? -Where's the plow? Jimmy took it. Jack's out hunting with Evan Twombley. -Jimmy took it. Jack's out hunting with Evan Twombley. His son-in-law damn near killed me. -His son-in-law damn near killed me. Huh? -Huh? At the school crossing. In his BMW. Coulda hurt some kids. I'm gonna bust his ass. -At the school crossing. In his BMW. Coulda hurt some kids. I'm gonna bust his ass. Don't go playing policeman. -Don't go playing policeman. What am I -- a security guard? You hired me, you and your Selectman friends. -What am I -- a security guard? You hired me, you and your Selectman friends. You don't want the extra police pay? -You don't want the extra police pay? I'm not saying that. -I'm not saying that. Get the grader. Go out 29 past Toby's. Don't let Lillian get to you. She didn't belong here. That's why she left. -Get the grader. Go out 29 past Toby's. Don't let Lillian get to you. She didn't belong here. That's why she left. Fuck you. -Fuck you. That's what I love about a small town. You know everybody. -What's the hurry? A hunting accident. Jack and Twombley. -A hunting accident. Jack and Twombley. Huh? -Huh? I figured you already heard. -I figured you already heard. Twombley, Jesus. We got to get moving: I got to get up there. How would I know? C'mon, you drive. We'll take my truck. -Fuck. Turn it off. All you heard was there was some kinda accident? Twombley's shot. I heard that. Not Jack. He's okay, I assume. -Twombley's shot. I heard that. Not Jack. He's okay, I assume. Fuck. You don't know how bad or anything? -Fuck. You don't know how bad or anything? You mean Twombley? -You mean Twombley? Yes, Wade, I mean Twombley. Put out that cigarette. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. -He more than likely just shot himself in the foot or something. That's what usually happens. I shoulda sent you instead of Jack. -I shoulda sent you instead of Jack. I wish you had. I'd rather be deer hunting instead of freezing my ass on that fucking grader. -I wish you had. I'd rather be deer hunting instead of freezing my ass on that fucking grader. You ain't the hunter Jack is. And he can't drive the grader worth shit. -You ain't the hunter Jack is. And he can't drive the grader worth shit. Like hell. -That must've been Twombley. Jesus. I bet that was Twombley. You want me to follow them to Littleton? -You want me to follow them to Littleton? Let's get to the top and talk to Jack first. He'll know what happened. He fucking better. If this coulda been avoided, I'll put that kid's ass in a sling. -What the fuck. My day's already ruined. Give me the keys. You can go back with Jack. You still got a shitload of plowing to do. It ain't done, if that's what you mean. -It ain't done, if that's what you mean. Something bugging you? -Something bugging you? Yeah. A few things. -Yeah. A few things. Well, right now we're not too interested. Finish up what you gotta do, then you can get bugged on your own time. -How you holding up, Wade? I'm fine, fine. -I'm fine, fine. You Rolfe? I remember you from high school. You're a teacher now? Harvard? -Sorry about the long lunch. My clutch is going out again. You ever think of getting a new car, Wade? -You ever think of getting a new car, Wade? On what you pay me? -On what you pay me? Elaine! Call Chub Meritt and have him pick up Wade's car, fix the clutch. -What do I have to do for it? Nothing, Wade, I've been thinking. You don't get enough appreciation around here and it's time we changed things a little. -Nothing, Wade, I've been thinking. You don't get enough appreciation around here and it's time we changed things a little. I saw Mel Gordon in here this morning. -I saw Mel Gordon in here this morning. So? -So? He say anything about the summons I tried to give him? Sonofabitch wouldn't accept it. -He say anything about the summons I tried to give him? Sonofabitch wouldn't accept it. Wade, that wasn't smart. Going out right after the man's father-in-law shot himself. Let it go. Call it a favor to me. -Wade, that wasn't smart. Going out right after the man's father-in-law shot himself. Let it go. Call it a favor to me. You? Why? -You? Why? Mel's doing some business with me. It's nice to do favors for people you do business with. He was in a hurry. No big deal. -Mel's doing some business with me. It's nice to do favors for people you do business with. He was in a hurry. No big deal. That was before Twombley was shot. Before he knew. -That was before Twombley was shot. Before he knew. What's the difference? Take my truck, take a rest -- stop worrying about Mel Gordon. Have you decided what to do with your old man's place -- he going to stay there? -What's the difference? Take my truck, take a rest -- stop worrying about Mel Gordon. Have you decided what to do with your old man's place -- he going to stay there? Want to buy? -Want to buy? Don't light that in here. I'm allergic. -Don't light that in here. I'm allergic. I won't. You interested? -I won't. You interested? Maybe. -Maybe. You and Mel Gordon? -You and Mel Gordon? Could be. -Could be. Always count on old Wade for a good screwing. Why should I always pay more, sell cheap? Why should you guys make all the money. You and Mel and Jack. Right's right. -Wade, you're done. Let me have the shop keys. You two, don't you get it? He's using you. You're his slaves. Jesus Christ, Jack, don't you see that? -You two, don't you get it? He's using you. You're his slaves. Jesus Christ, Jack, don't you see that? The key, Wade. -The key, Wade. Yeah, you can have the key. It's the key that's kept me locked to you all these years. I give it to you with pleasure. Now I'm free. See how easy it is, Jack? All you got to do is give back what the man gave you, and you're free of him. I've got to call my brother. -Lillian! Where's Jill? -Me and Jill, we just had a little spat. She felt kind of left out, I guess, from not knowing some of the new kids -- Where is she now? Is she in the truck with your friends? -While you went off for a few beers with your friends? Is that Hettie Rodgers there, with whatzizname? Yeah. -Yeah. She's grown up some, hasn't she? -She's grown up some, hasn't she? Oh, Jesus, lay off, will you? It looks like you've won this fucking round already, so lay off a little, for Christ's sake. -I don't want her to go, Lillian. Don't cause a scene. No one's trying to win any 'rounds'. Don't make it any worse. -Don't cause a scene. No one's trying to win any 'rounds'. Don't make it any worse. I'm not making it any worse. You are. Me and Jill could've worked this thing out. It's normal, it's even normal for me to get a little touchy about it. Believe it or not. How do you think this makes me look, treating her like some tragic victim or something? -You ever come to your father's grave anymore? No, not anymore. It's too... it's too far. -No, not anymore. It's too... it's too far. We should talk. -We should talk. We've done all our talking, Wade. -We've done all our talking, Wade. It's just... -It's just... Let the past be. I'm sorry about your mother. I liked her. You never know how much women like that suffer. It's like they live their lives with the sound turned off -- and then they're gone. -Wait there. She'll be right out. Is there snow on the ground up in Lawford? Yeah, lots. -Yeah, lots. See. Get your boots. -See. Get your boots. Hi honey. -No problem. Look, I... You make me sick. I can't believe you've sunk so low. -You make me sick. I can't believe you've sunk so low. Low as what? What have I done? It's bad to want to see your own daughter? -Low as what? What have I done? It's bad to want to see your own daughter? You know what I'm talking about. For what you're doing to me and to the child you say you love so much. Love. You won't get away with it. -Are you okay, Wade? What was wrong? Why were you holding everyone up? Did you see that sonofabitch in the BMW? He could've killed somebody. -Did you see that sonofabitch in the BMW? He could've killed somebody. Did you get his number? -Did you get his number? I know who it is. -I know who it is. Good. Who? -Good. Who? Mel Gordon. -Mel Gordon. I still don't understand -- -I still don't understand -- From Boston. Evan Twombley's son-in- law -- he was driving. I know where they're headed. Up the lake, Agaway. The old man's out deer hunting with Jack Hewitt, so they probably got some big weekend party planned. -New hat? Jill's up, I see. For a while. -For a while. How's she doing? -How's she doing? Okay. She's fine. -Okay. She's fine. You two want to do anything tomorrow and need a third party, give me a call, okay? I'm off. -Don't worry. I can protect my virtue. I mean, c'mon, Wade, give me a break. See you tomorrow, maybe. -See you tomorrow, maybe. You okay? -You okay? Yeah. -You okay? Yeah. -Yeah. I'm sorry about what I said. -I'm sorry about what I said. Said what? -Said what? About you and Jill and needing a third person. She went back to Lillian? -About you and Jill and needing a third person. She went back to Lillian? Forget it. -Forget it. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. I'm going to start one of those custody suits. I don't give a fucking shit. You know? -You don't mean that. Yeah. I mean that. -Yeah. I mean that. No you don't. You're pissed, that's all. You ought to cool off for a few days then have a long talk with Lillian. You know? Work it out with her, tell her how you feel. Lillian's not out to get you. -No you don't. You're pissed, that's all. You ought to cool off for a few days then have a long talk with Lillian. You know? Work it out with her, tell her how you feel. Lillian's not out to get you. The hell she isn't. Lillian's been trying to nail me to a cross since the day I met her. I'm gonna hire me a fucking lawyer from Concord and get this thing, this divorce thing, rearranged. I've been thinking about it a lot. It's like she owns Jill or something. Nobody owns nobody, especially not kids. And I pay her. -Call me. Tonight. Let's get together. -Tonight. Let's get together. Okay. -Jack's sort of sensitive, I guess. More than most. But he'll be okay in a few weeks. There's something funny about that shooting. There's lots funny about it, actually. -There's something funny about that shooting. There's lots funny about it, actually. I heard he was drunk at Toby's last night and got in a fight with Hettie. He drove off without her... -I heard he was drunk at Toby's last night and got in a fight with Hettie. He drove off without her... I'm sure, I'm positive it didn't happen the way Jack says it did. -I'm sure, I'm positive it didn't happen the way Jack says it did. ...Jack's turned into one of those men who are permanently angry. He used to be a sweet kid, but it's like, when he found out he couldn't play ball anymore, he changed. Now he's like everyone else. -...Jack's turned into one of those men who are permanently angry. He used to be a sweet kid, but it's like, when he found out he couldn't play ball anymore, he changed. Now he's like everyone else. I've been wondering if maybe Jack shot Twombley, instead of Twombley shooting himself. I've been wondering maybe Jack shot him on purpose. -I've been wondering if maybe Jack shot Twombley, instead of Twombley shooting himself. I've been wondering maybe Jack shot him on purpose. Wade! How can you even think such a thing? Why would Jack Hewitt do that, shoot Twombley on purpose? -Money. Jack doesn't need money. -Jack doesn't need money. Everybody needs money. Except guys like Twombley and that sonofabitch son-in-law of his. People like that. -Everybody needs money. Except guys like Twombley and that sonofabitch son-in-law of his. People like that. Jack wouldn't kill for it. Besides, who would pay him? -Jack wouldn't kill for it. Besides, who would pay him? Lots of people. Guy like Evan Twombley, Boston union official, probably got lots of people want to see him dead. The Government's been investigating his links with the Mafia. -Lots of people. Guy like Evan Twombley, Boston union official, probably got lots of people want to see him dead. The Government's been investigating his links with the Mafia. The Mafia hire Jack Hewitt? -The Mafia hire Jack Hewitt? No, I just know Jack's lying about what happened. He just seemed -- I know that kid, what he's like inside. He's a lot like I was at his age. -No, I just know Jack's lying about what happened. He just seemed -- I know that kid, what he's like inside. He's a lot like I was at his age. You wouldn't have done anything like that, shot someone for money. -You wouldn't have done anything like that, shot someone for money. No. Not for money. But, if somebody'd given me half a damned excuse -- I was pretty fucked up, you know. -No. Not for money. But, if somebody'd given me half a damned excuse -- I was pretty fucked up, you know. But not now. -I can see what you looked like as a kid. You knew me as a kid. -You knew me as a kid. Yeah, but never what you looked like. Not really. Never really studied your face, like now. I was never able to see you as a kid when you were a kid until now, this way. -Yeah, but never what you looked like. Not really. Never really studied your face, like now. I was never able to see you as a kid when you were a kid until now, this way. What way? -What way? After making love. I like it. It's nice to see that in a grown-up person. -After making love. I like it. It's nice to see that in a grown-up person. It's nice. -Don't you think, do you still think it's a good idea to press this custody thing -- just now? I'm her father -- supposed to be, but I'm not able to. Yes. Yes, I am. It may be the only thing in my life I've been so clear about wanting. Even if it takes a big fight. -I'm her father -- supposed to be, but I'm not able to. Yes. Yes, I am. It may be the only thing in my life I've been so clear about wanting. Even if it takes a big fight. Then... I guess you have to. -Then... I guess you have to. There's another thing I've been thinking about. I don't know how you feel about the idea, Margie, because we've never talked about it. But I've been thinking lately, I've been thinking we should get married sometime. You and me. -There's another thing I've been thinking about. I don't know how you feel about the idea, Margie, because we've never talked about it. But I've been thinking lately, I've been thinking we should get married sometime. You and me. Oh, Wade. -Oh, Wade. I've been thinking about it, that's all. -I've been thinking about it, that's all. You've been married twice -- -You've been married twice -- It was to the same woman. I was just a kid... It's not like a marriage proposal or anything, just a thought. Something for you and me to talk about and think about. You know? -It was to the same woman. I was just a kid... It's not like a marriage proposal or anything, just a thought. Something for you and me to talk about and think about. You know? Alright. I'll think about it. -Alright. I'll think about it. Good. -Did you tell them? That we were coming? Don't you think it's proper for a fella to introduce his girl to his parents? -Don't you think it's proper for a fella to introduce his girl to his parents? I know your parents. -I know your parents. I just want to pick up my divorce papers. For the lawyer. It won't take long. -Are you sure they're home? Did you call? The truck's here. Looks like they've stayed inside since the snow started. -Strange. Think they're alright? -Think they're alright? Of course! I would've heard. -Of course! I would've heard. How? -How? I don't know for Christ's sake! -This is nuts. Wade. -What happened? Jesus Christ, Pop, let's go home. I got waylaid. Sorry. -What on earth is happening to you? Why are you acting this way? It's my tooth! My fucking tooth! I can't even think anymore because of it. -It's my tooth! My fucking tooth! I can't even think anymore because of it. I heard you talking. You got fired this morning, didn't you? -I heard you talking. You got fired this morning, didn't you? Look, that's temporary, believe me. There's so much shit gonna hit the fan the next few days, my getting fired by LaRiviere and Merritt won't matter a bit. -Going somewhere, Margie? I'm just cleaning out some of this stuff that's built up. For the rummage sale. And some things for the cleaners. And the laundromat. -I'm just cleaning out some of this stuff that's built up. For the rummage sale. And some things for the cleaners. And the laundromat. Don't lie to me. You're leaving me, I can see that. -Don't lie to me. You're leaving me, I can see that. Don't be silly. Hi, Jill. -Have you been heating the house? Not just with the stove. There's a furnace. -There's a furnace. You're not using it today? -You're not using it today? It's broke I guess. There's an electric in the bedroom. -It's broke I guess. There's an electric in the bedroom. Maybe Wade should take a look at it. Your pipes'll freeze. Wade, would you do that? -Coffee's perked. When did she die? -When did she die? Is...? She's dead then? -It makes me sad. Can --? -Can --? Makes me sad it was her. Instead of me. I shoulda froze. -Whitehouse. Next time, phone ahead. How's that? -I said, 'Next time, phone ahead.' Jesus Christ. Mr. Gordon, when I come all the way to serve somebody a summons, I don't call ahead for an appointment. -Jesus Christ. Mr. Gordon, when I come all the way to serve somebody a summons, I don't call ahead for an appointment. What the hell are you talking about? -What the hell are you talking about? I'm issuing you a ticket. Moving violation. -I'm issuing you a ticket. Moving violation. Moving violation! I just got out of bed and you're telling me you're giving me a goddamn speeding ticket? Now? Are you nuts? Is that it, Whitehouse? You're nuts? -Moving violation! I just got out of bed and you're telling me you're giving me a goddamn speeding ticket? Now? Are you nuts? Is that it, Whitehouse? You're nuts? Yesterday morning, you passed a stopped school bus, which was flashing its lights, then you-- -Yesterday morning, you passed a stopped school bus, which was flashing its lights, then you-- Hold on! -Hold on! Don't ever put your hands on me, Mr. Gordon. -Don't ever put your hands on me, Mr. Gordon. You're talking about a goddamned ticket, from when I passed you at the school where you were deciding to hold up traffic while dreaming of becoming a traffic cop or something? -You're talking about a goddamned ticket, from when I passed you at the school where you were deciding to hold up traffic while dreaming of becoming a traffic cop or something? Don't give me a hard time, Mr. Gordon. I'm just -- -Don't give me a hard time, Mr. Gordon. I'm just -- Doing your fucking job. I know. I watch television too. -Doing your fucking job. I know. I watch television too. Yes. Here's your ticket. -Yes. Here's your ticket. You get the hell out of my house now, asshole. And know this -- you are going to be a lucky asshole if I haven't got you fired before the day is out. I can do it with one phone call, and I'm pissed enough to do it now! -Who are you? I was... I'm Wade Whitehouse. I was wondering, is your husband here? -I was... I'm Wade Whitehouse. I was wondering, is your husband here? He's asleep. We were up very late. -He's asleep. We were up very late. Well, yes, I'm... I want to say that I'm real sorry about your father, Mrs. Twombley. -Well, yes, I'm... I want to say that I'm real sorry about your father, Mrs. Twombley. Mrs. Gordon. Thank you. -Mrs. Gordon. Thank you. Well, yeah, I suppose. Sure. I just had a little business to settle with Mr. Gordon. I'm the local police officer. -Well, yeah, I suppose. Sure. I just had a little business to settle with Mr. Gordon. I'm the local police officer. Something about my father? -Something about my father? Oh, no. No, it's a... it's a traffic thing. No big deal. -Oh, no. No, it's a... it's a traffic thing. No big deal. Can't it wait, then? -Take care, Wade. You be careful of that little bastard. He's dying to get in your pants, you know. -It don't look right. What? -What? The sign. It looks like it's spelled wrong or something. -The sign. It looks like it's spelled wrong or something. Fuck. Wade Whitehouse. It's people like you that keep this fucking town from prospering. Whatever somebody does to improve things around here, you gotta find fault with it. -Fuck. Wade Whitehouse. It's people like you that keep this fucking town from prospering. Whatever somebody does to improve things around here, you gotta find fault with it. I'm not finding fault. It's a good idea, good for you, good for the town. Real modern too. -I'm not finding fault. It's a good idea, good for you, good for the town. Real modern too. This town sucks. -This town sucks. "Aw, c'mon, I was only saying there's something wrong with ""Home Made Cooking"", that's all. The sign's fine. What it says is wrong." -Marg! That goddamned woman. Thinks she can cart Jill off and leave me alone like this. I'm more than pissed, Margie. I'm a whole lot more than pissed. I been that plenty and I know the difference. This is different. -That goddamned woman. Thinks she can cart Jill off and leave me alone like this. I'm more than pissed, Margie. I'm a whole lot more than pissed. I been that plenty and I know the difference. This is different. Marg! You got orders! -You talked to Jack? Not since last night. He took a guy hunting. -Not since last night. He took a guy hunting. The fucker shot himself. Ker-bang! That's what it sounds like. Not on purpose. I assume accidental. -The fucker shot himself. Ker-bang! That's what it sounds like. Not on purpose. I assume accidental. Jack? -Jack? The other guy. -The other guy. Where... how'd you hear that? -Where... how'd you hear that? CB. Little while ago. One of the boys on the way in picked up Jack on the CB calling for state troopers. I figured you'd know what really happened. The fucking guy kill himself? This Twombley, who the fuck is he, anyhow? -CB. Little while ago. One of the boys on the way in picked up Jack on the CB calling for state troopers. I figured you'd know what really happened. The fucking guy kill himself? This Twombley, who the fuck is he, anyhow? No, I... I've been out on the grader all morning. Twombley's summer people. Massachusetts. Friend of Gordon's. It was his idea for Jack to take him hunting. I gotta go. -Jillie, you want a cheese grilled sandwich? It's called a grilled cheese sandwich, you dub. -Wade, I got a message for you. Jack Hewitt, he's looking for you. Wants you to clear your stuff out of his office in Town Hall. His office. You mean my old office. -His office. You mean my old office. Well, I guess -- that's what he said. -Well, I guess -- that's what he said. He got his deer yet? -He got his deer yet? No, he's out now. Somewhere on the mountain. I'd stay away from him if I were you. He's real pissed. -Rolfe. A lesson in work and its rewards. You'll thank me for this one day. Sally, turn off that TV! -Just do it. Atta-go. -What was that? You got something to say, say it! Say it! Nothing. -Nothing. You no-good pup! -Jesus, Pop, how can you stand the cold, dressed like that? Where's Ma? Sleeping. -Sleeping. You remember Margie Fogg? -You remember Margie Fogg? From Wickham's. Been a while. Like some coffee? -From Wickham's. Been a while. Like some coffee? How you and Ma doing? Haven't seen you in town for a while. -How you and Ma doing? Haven't seen you in town for a while. We're alright. Your Ma's sleeping. You want me to get her? -We're alright. Your Ma's sleeping. You want me to get her? Yeah. -Where's Ma? She's coming. -Yeah. I checked on her. She had the electric heater. Cold don't bother her as much as me. Which is why I give her the heater. -I checked on her. She had the electric heater. Cold don't bother her as much as me. Which is why I give her the heater. Is there something wrong with the phone? -Is there something wrong with the phone? In the living room. -In the living room. Why didn't you call and have the furnace fixed? -Why didn't you call and have the furnace fixed? Wade. I thought she was alright. Till this morning she was. -Listen, it's no big deal, Pop. Come on, smart guy. Tell how it's no big deal. Tell me how a single one of you is worth a single hair on that woman's head. -Pop, for Christ's sake! You think you can take me now? Come on, try. -You! By Christ, you -- I know you. Yeah, you goddamn sonofabitch, I know you. You're a goddamn fucking piece of my heart! You don't know me. You don't know me! So fuck you. Fuck you. -You don't know me. You don't know me! So fuck you. Fuck you. Nah-nah-naw! You done done finally done it! Like a man done it. Done it right. I love you, you mean sonofabitch! -Love! What the fuck do you know about love? Love! I'm made of love! -Love! I'm made of love! Call it what you want. -Call it what you want. Everything you know is from me. -Everything you know is from me. Yeah. -Yeah. Bang! -Bang! You and me. -Where the Christ you going? You sonofabitch, you leave my fucking truck where it is! I need... Give me the Goddamn keys! I need to get me to town! Crawl! -Crawl! Nothing in the fucking house to drink. Not a fucking thing. My house, my money, my truck -- stolen! -Nothing in the fucking house to drink. Not a fucking thing. My house, my money, my truck -- stolen! I don't know you. My goddamn father and I don't know you. -Rolfe. Wade? -Wade? Yeah, brother, look, I was calling cause -- has there been anything on TV in Boston about a hunting accident with a guy named Twombley, Evan Twombley? -Yeah, brother, look, I was calling cause -- has there been anything on TV in Boston about a hunting accident with a guy named Twombley, Evan Twombley? There was something. It happened up your way. -There was something. It happened up your way. Yeah, I know him -- the kid that was with him. Maybe you do too. Jack Hewitt. He works for LaRiviere with me. He's my best friend. -Yeah, I know him -- the kid that was with him. Maybe you do too. Jack Hewitt. He works for LaRiviere with me. He's my best friend. Wade, it's late. I know you're probably at Toby's, but I'm in bed reading. We got different habits. -Wade, it's late. I know you're probably at Toby's, but I'm in bed reading. We got different habits. No, not tonight. I'm in bed too. I'm calling because I need you to listen. You're supposed to be a smart guy. You're a professor. I got this theory. Jack says he didn't see Twombley shot but he did. -It'll come out Jack lied and the kid'll get hung for it. He was scheduled to testify for a committee investigating organized crime in New England and the construction business. -He was scheduled to testify for a committee investigating organized crime in New England and the construction business. Who? -Who? Twombley. -Twombley. No shit. -No shit. You think Jack shot him? -You think Jack shot him? Well, it was an accident. -Well, it was an accident. They were out deer hunting, right? Jack probably heard the gun go off, then came back and found the body. -Lillian was here. In Lawford. Huh? -Huh? The night before the shooting. -The night before the shooting. How was she? -How was she? Picked up Jill. She was supposed to visit for the weekend for Halloween. She wanted to go home. -Picked up Jill. She was supposed to visit for the weekend for Halloween. She wanted to go home. Who? -Who? Jill. I was thinking of getting a lawyer. Maybe you can help me. -Jill. I was thinking of getting a lawyer. Maybe you can help me. What happened? -What happened? A divorce lawyer. A custody lawyer. You know, 'cause of Jill. -Don't think about it. You're exhausted. Yeah, I guess. -Yeah, I guess. Get some sleep. -Get some sleep. I get to feeling like a whipped dog some days, Rolfe, and some night I'm going to bite back. I swear it. -I get to feeling like a whipped dog some days, Rolfe, and some night I'm going to bite back. I swear it. Haven't you already done a bit of that? -Haven't you already done a bit of that? No, no, I haven't. Not really. I've growled a little, but I haven't bit. -Pointless to stand around in church with nothing to do, I guess. What about Jill? Is Lillian bringing her? -Anyone else want one? Rolfe? No thanks. I don't drink. -No thanks. I don't drink. Yeah. I forgot. -What about Margie? What about her? -What about her? Well, do you still plan to get married? -Well, do you still plan to get married? Yeah. She'll probably quit her job and stay out here with Pop. We can't leave him alone here, he'll set the damn place on fire. With Jill here a lot, it'll be good to have Margie around. Things are going to change in that department, by the way. I got a custody lawyer in Concord. I'm gonna see him tomorrow. All hell's gonna break loose, but it's worth it. -I want to let the gas run out. I don't want the bastard driving drunk, and he's always drunk now. After, we'll hide the keys. Anything new about the shooting? Twombley? -Anything new about the shooting? Twombley? I guess it was an accident, like everybody thinks. -I guess it was an accident, like everybody thinks. Want to know what I think happened? -Find them everywhere. I think your first response to the Twombley shooting was the correct one. -I think your first response to the Twombley shooting was the correct one. Which is? -Which is? That it wasn't an accident. -That it wasn't an accident. Then who shot him? -Then who shot him? Well, your friend, I think. Jack Hewitt. -Well, your friend, I think. Jack Hewitt. Motive. You gotta have a motive. -Motive. You gotta have a motive. Money. -Money. Who'd pay him that kind of money? Not the mob. They got their own guys. Specialists. -Who'd pay him that kind of money? Not the mob. They got their own guys. Specialists. They wouldn't deal with a guy like Jack. Who else benefits if Twombley is suddenly dead? -They wouldn't deal with a guy like Jack. Who else benefits if Twombley is suddenly dead? I don't know. You tell me. -I don't know. You tell me. Okay. It's likely there are people in the union who don't want Twombley to testify. They probably include his son-in-law who's vice-president and will probably be the next president. I read that in the papers. What's his name, Mel Gordon? -Okay. It's likely there are people in the union who don't want Twombley to testify. They probably include his son-in-law who's vice-president and will probably be the next president. I read that in the papers. What's his name, Mel Gordon? Yeah, the guy with the BMW I told you about. I did, didn't I? -Yeah, the guy with the BMW I told you about. I did, didn't I? Here's my theory. Twombley, unaware of illegal union loans or whatever, starts nosing around cause of the investigation and finds out. Finds out his son-in-law is involved. -Here's my theory. Twombley, unaware of illegal union loans or whatever, starts nosing around cause of the investigation and finds out. Finds out his son-in-law is involved. So Mel Gordon wouldn't want a professional hit. That'd make the feds dig deeper. He wants an accident. -So Mel Gordon wouldn't want a professional hit. That'd make the feds dig deeper. He wants an accident. A hunting accident is perfect. -A hunting accident is perfect. Shit, around here, you shoot somebody in the woods, you say it was an accident, you get fined fifty bucks and your hunting license lifted. Jack's probably saying the guy shot himself cause he ain't got his deer yet and don't want his license pulled. -It's too neat. Things ain't that neat. It makes me mad. That somebody can pay to kill somebody, his own father-in-law, and not be punished for it. Don't that piss you off? Not particularly. -Not particularly. Right's right, goddamnit! Don't you care what's right? -Right's right, goddamnit! Don't you care what's right? I care about what happened. The truth. I'm a student of history, remember? -I was thinking about that story you told me, about Pop and chopping the firewood out of the ice and after. Yeah. -Yeah. I hate to disappoint you, but I don't think it happened. -I hate to disappoint you, but I don't think it happened. Of course it happened. Why would I lie about it? -Of course it happened. Why would I lie about it? It may have happened, but not the way you said. -It may have happened, but not the way you said. You think I wouldn't remember a thing like that? -You think I wouldn't remember a thing like that? It wasn't me. I wasn't there, but I heard about it. When I heard about it, it was about Elbourne. -It wasn't me. I wasn't there, but I heard about it. When I heard about it, it was about Elbourne. We'd have to go digging in Vietnam to ask him. -We'd have to go digging in Vietnam to ask him. And Elbourne and Mom took you to the doctor and told him you fell from the hay loft. -And Elbourne and Mom took you to the doctor and told him you fell from the hay loft. Well, I never heard that one. -Well, I never heard that one. I remember clearly cause when I heard I became real careful around Pop. I was a careful child and I became a careful adult, but at least I wasn't afflicted by that man's violence. -I remember clearly cause when I heard I became real careful around Pop. I was a careful child and I became a careful adult, but at least I wasn't afflicted by that man's violence. That's what you think. -Then you accidentally see your body, or your face, or whatever, and you don't know who the hell it belongs to. Strange. It's the business with the old man, I know, and how incredibly pissed I was at him, and also chasing Jack Hewitt like that, and the Goddamned truck going through the ice, not to mention Margie's being so upset -- one thing on top of another. Wade, are you alright? -Wade, are you alright? But you gotta hear this. You won't believe it. Mel Gordon had come by to visit LaRiviere and so now I'm in his office. -I know what it means. I'm just running out of ways to use it. For what? -To help, Jack, of course -- and to nail those sonsofbitches, the Two Gordons. That's what Alma calls them. Jesus, Rolfe, whose side are you on? Take care of the little things first, the things that are distracting you from taking care of the big things. Call Chub Merritt, get your car back, call a dentist, for God's sake, and get your tooth pulled, don't trust the locals, get your facts straight and go straight to the state police. Let them work on this. -It's not like he hasn't made us wait a few times. Well, you aren't the President, dear. -Well, you aren't the President, dear. Yeah, no duh. -You don't want to say hi to your father? I'm sure he's busy. -I'm sure he's busy. Don't you even want to ask? -Hey Joey, how `bout a cocoa, double whip cream. Alice... -Alice... Mom, just this once, give it a rest. -Mom, just this once, give it a rest. You're jet-lagged. We'll talk about this back... -You're jet-lagged. We'll talk about this back... Back at The Fishbowl? -We'll talk at home. You know, most girls aren't as lucky as you. For most girls seeing the Bolshoi ballet would be the experience of a lifetime. I know, Mom. It was great... really. -He's in a meeting. He can't be disturbed. I'm sorry, honey. -I'm sorry, honey. No, it's okay. After all, he is the President, right? -When I write my memoirs I think I'll devote an entire chapter to the cocoa aboard Air Force One. Your father never means to be so... -Your father never means to be so... I know... But lotsa times I feel like it's me versus the world. Some kid at school teases me and the same day a plague breaks out in Bangladesh. I mean it doesn't take a genius to figure which is more important. -I know... But lotsa times I feel like it's me versus the world. Some kid at school teases me and the same day a plague breaks out in Bangladesh. I mean it doesn't take a genius to figure which is more important. Some kids were teasing you? -Some kids were teasing you? That's not really the point. -You're right and I'll tell you a secret. I know exactly how you feel. Big secret. You said the same thing to Newsweek. -Mom? Yes dear? -Yes dear? I'm sorry I was so mean to you earlier. -Daddy. Daddy, please... Jim... for godsake! -I don't drink coffee. You must be tired. It'll wake you up. -You must be tired. It'll wake you up. No, thank you. The gunfire did that. -You're one of Stravanavitch's men. So, you study world events, little one. That's good for a girl your age. -So, you study world events, little one. That's good for a girl your age. Yeah, I study world events. Five thousand Turkienistan Muslims were slaughtered in Stravanvitch's cleansings... along with 15 American school kids. You know hQw I studied that. I went to their funerals with my dad. I met their parents. -Yeah, I study world events. Five thousand Turkienistan Muslims were slaughtered in Stravanvitch's cleansings... along with 15 American school kids. You know hQw I studied that. I went to their funerals with my dad. I met their parents. Smart for your age, eh? Top of your class? Tell me, do you know what the word "propaganda" means? -Smart for your age, eh? Top of your class? Tell me, do you know what the word "propaganda" means? Yeah. Do you know what the word "asshole" means. -The woman you shot. She was my friend. That's the way of the world, little one. Didn't they teach you that in school? -Fuck off, you stupid asshole. It would be a pity to squander such a strong personality. -He didn't leave us. You are a resilient man, Mr. -Oooooh, I'm good. Hey, you guys back already? -How was... ...the ballet? It was the experience of a lifetime. -It was the experience of a lifetime. How `bout a hug for the old man. -Alice! Daddy... -Daddy... Alice... I... -How you doing, sweetie? Been better, Dad... You? -Oh NY god... oh my god... oh my god... It's okay, honey. I got you. I got you. You're okay. -There they are! Okay, I'm slowing us down. -The Americans say they are escorting a damaged plane. Our pilots confirm they are surrounding a 747. Did we warn them off? -Did we warn them off? Yes. They refused to alter course and the 747 would not answer our hails. -It's some kind of trick... a preliminary airstrike in response to our troop movement. They are in our airspace. We would be within our rights. -They are in our airspace. We would be within our rights. The world would not look on us kindly if we shot down a civilian airliner. -The pilot says it is does not have the markings of a commercial jet. Warn then again. If they don't respond... shoot them down. We will not be intimidated. -Do you see the maintenance panel? Got it. -Got it. Pop it open. There should be a red switch, toggle it up. -Pop it open. There should be a red switch, toggle it up. Okay, it's on. We've got some indicator lights here. -Okay, it's on. We've got some indicator lights here. Okay, you're aerated. To dump the fuel you have to close the circuit for the pump. There's no switch in Avionics so you'll have to cross the wires. There should be five wires, just to your left. Do you see them? -It's cut. cross it... The static overwhelms the voice, then cuts out. -U.S. Pilots, this is Air Force One. Copy Air Force One. Welcome to the party. -Mr. President, it's an honor. Now with your permission can we lead you the fuck out of here. You read my mind. -You read my mind. Put your pilot on. -Put your pilot on. He's busy being dead. -Who's flying the fucking plane? I'm doing what I can. -Two and three are heading toward the Boeing. Okay. We're gonna arc a fat one to the right. Got it? -Okay. We're gonna arc a fat one to the right. Got it? Got it. -Got it. Stay cool. -How we doing, Colonel? We still got three MiGs running around and six more on the way. -Uh, we got a problem here. Just stay on my wing, sir. I'll take you all the way in. -Just stay on my wing, sir. I'll take you all the way in. No. We're losing fuel and my rudder's not responding. -No. We're losing fuel and my rudder's not responding. Lemme take a look. -Aw, man. You're torn up pretty bad out here, sir. Do you have any elevater control. Sluggish... I think it's jammed too. -Sluggish... I think it's jammed too. Uh, Tower, we got a problem up here. -He's dead then. They must have killed him. We don't know that. -We don't know that. Holding the president hostage is not something that slips your mind when you're making demands. -Walter, if you have a point, make it. That kid's name was Jim Marshall. -They aren't answering their hails. This doesn't make sense. -They've got no chutes. They can't control the plane, their engines are failing and they're losing fuel. I prefered the terrorists. -I prefered the terrorists. That's game, set, and match. There's nothing to do, except call the Chief Justice. -Sir, you threw out page two. Goddamn right I did. I asked for a tough-as-nails speech and you gave me diplomatic bullshit. What's the point in having a speech if I have to ad-lib? -Goddamn right I did. I asked for a tough-as-nails speech and you gave me diplomatic bullshit. What's the point in having a speech if I have to ad-lib? It was a good ad-lib, sir. -It was a good ad-lib, sir. Thanks. Wrote it last night. -Apparently taking uzis away from sixth graders isn't as popular as we thought it'd be. Representative Taylor is working on a compromise. Put together a score sheet. I'll make some calls. -The Iraqi ambassador is claiming it's just an exercise. An exercise in futility. Send the Nimitz back in. -General Greely says it looks like the Middle East. Does your office have anything to add, Mr. Dean? -Can we do that? We've got four hours before they make it into Turkienistan airspace. -But they start executing hostages in I hate to be pragmatic, but they'll sacrifice pawns before kings. It may take them some time to kill their way up to senior staff. -I hate to be pragmatic, but they'll sacrifice pawns before kings. It may take them some time to kill their way up to senior staff. Okay. Also, I want you to put our bases in Turkey on alert, and have the Kitty Hawk prepare a retaliatory air strike. -They still have the President, it's past their deadline and they haven't called. What do you think it means? Like any good poker player, they're checking over their hand seeing which cards to play and which to discard. -If challenged, our fighters are to state that they are on a rescue mission. Iraqi's won't buy it. Either they're already in on this or they'll think we're spying. -Iraqi's won't buy it. Either they're already in on this or they'll think we're spying. If fired upon, tell our fighters that they are ordered to engage. -The Chief Justice? What on earth for? To swear you in as President. -Special Agent Gibbs. You helped do this? Yes, Mr. President. -Yes, Mr. President. Why? -Why? Because it is my duty. -Because it is my duty. You're duty to what? The country you served doesn't exist anymore. -You're duty to what? The country you served doesn't exist anymore. My loyalty was never to my country. -Air Force One, this is AF-135-RA. We have been instructed to refuel your plane. About goddamn time. -About goddamn time. Please change course to Zero Seven Four and drop to eighteen thousand feet. Over. -Please change course to Zero Seven Four and drop to eighteen thousand feet. Over. Air Force One, acknowledged. tNT. EMERGENCY PARACHUTE LAUNCH RAMP. -Air Force One, please reduce speed to 250 knots. Roger. -That's affirmative. Ga get it. -We've already been inspected. Sir, this plane carries the President of the United States. -The rest of the secret service? Dead. -Dead. How many others killed? -How many others killed? Nine. -Nine. Any of us? -Who did this? We checked the manifest. Everyone was accounted for. -We checked the manifest. Everyone was accounted for. A secret service agent. It must be. -Remarkable aircraft. Remarkable. why did they do that? -why did they do that? Psychology. They're trying to unnerve us. -Psychology. They're trying to unnerve us. Well it worked. -How? Avionics compartment! It's the only place. You better get Zedeck down there fast Unless, of course, you'd rather be a martyr than a savior. -Avionics compartment! It's the only place. You better get Zedeck down there fast Unless, of course, you'd rather be a martyr than a savior. Go! Take Serge.. and watch your backs. -We've stopped dumping... but we've only got about twenty minutes of fuel left. We're not going to make it. -We're not going to make it. Not even close. Hell, we can't even make Syria or Iraq. -Not even close. Hell, we can't even make Syria or Iraq. Where are we now? -Where are we now? Over the Black Sea. I can probably get us to Turkey or Georgia. -Over the Black Sea. I can probably get us to Turkey or Georgia. No! If we land this plane anywhere else, we will end up another Entebe. The Americans built a super plane that flies through mushroom cloud, evades missiles and... refuels in mid-air. Call the White House. -Tower, Air Force One has been boarded. Romeo Tango Zulu, copy One the television, graphics of the First Family against the Presidential Seal. -Romeo Tango Zulu, do you have the President? Over. Stand by. -Stand by. Romeo Tango Zulu1 this is Tower. -We copy. Stand by... Tower? Tower, here. -Tower, here. This is Romeo Tango Zulu changing call signs. Tower, alert air traffic, Romeo Tango Zulu is now Air Force One. This is Air Force One... The President is safe onboard. -This is Romeo Tango Zulu changing call signs. Tower, alert air traffic, Romeo Tango Zulu is now Air Force One. This is Air Force One... The President is safe onboard. Copy, Air Force One. -Ms. Mitchell. So nice to finally meet you in person. The President and I were delighted that we could accommodate you. Now if you're all cleared? You can follow me then. -Up on the upper deck is the cockpit and the Mission Communication Center. The MCC, as we call it, can place clear and secure phone calls to anywhere on earth. We're linked to a network of military and civilian satellites and ground stations. We could run the country or run a war from there if we had to. This is a remarkable aircraft. -This is a remarkable aircraft. You don't know the half of it. Did you know this entire plane is shielded from radiation? We could fly through a mushroom cloud completely unharmed if necessary. -You don't know the half of it. Did you know this entire plane is shielded from radiation? We could fly through a mushroom cloud completely unharmed if necessary. A dubious distinction, no? -A dubious distinction, no? I guess it depends on your perspective. -And all these rooms here? Conference rooms, though some have other functions. The one up front doubles as an emergency medical center. -Here's a press kit. I'll let you guys get comfortable and once we're airborne I'll be able to schedule the interviews. Thank you. -* Please tell me your name. Maria... Maria Mitchell. -Maria... Maria Mitchell. And what is it you do, Ms. Mitchell. -I'm responsible for Press Relations for the Flight Office. How are your fellow hostages feeling, Ms. Mitchell? -How are your fellow hostages feeling, Ms. Mitchell? Scared. We're scared. -You're pointing a gun at me. Very good. Thank you, Ms. Mitchell. -Fear will keep you alive. Any one who is not afraid is bound to do something foolish, and bound to die. What do you want with us? -What do you want with us? Cooperation. If you try to escape, you will be met with automatic gunfire and a barricade of your comrade's bodies will prevent you from exiting. Good day. -Now, or he dies, please. Come on, Alice. -Leave my daughter alone. Or you will do what, Mrs. Marshall? But I admire your courage. Your husband, on the other hand... -Or you will do what, Mrs. Marshall? But I admire your courage. Your husband, on the other hand... What do you know of my husband? -What do you know of my husband? I know he left you behind. -I know he left you behind. My husband is a very courageous man. -My husband is a very courageous man. Your husband is a coward. He sends soldiers half-way around the world to steal a man from his home in the middle of the night. -Do you have to be so brutal? Yes -Yes Why? Do you enjoy it? -Why? Do you enjoy it? I neither enjoy nor dislike. I do what is necessary. -I neither enjoy nor dislike. I do what is necessary. How can you? I mean they're people. -But they are not ny people. You look at me as if I am a monster, but answer me this -- when your planes bombed the oil fields of Iraq, did You cry for those dark skinned men whose names you do not know and who's faces You will never see? Did You cry for their wives and children. They were people too, yes... but they were not your people. That was war. -That was war. So is this. Come now, you're upsetting the little one. -Shall I begin by executing the President's daughter? She's right here. No. -No. Say something dear. -Nor will there be. My husband does not negotiate with terrorists. You will be the first to pay for that mistake. -The world is such a dangerous place and we can't always protect our children. Please. You can kill me but leave my daughter alone. -Four... Jim... -Jim... Three... -You got what you wanted. You going to release us now? You're very valuable. And our nation needs so many things. -Now since we've had very little luck getting Washington or Moscow to cooperate, I wondered if you would be so kind. Over my dead body. -Over my dead body. No. But since I only have a few of your staff left to kill, perhaps I will start with your family instead... Gibbs. -She isn't a part of this. This is between you and me. Call up Petrov and order Stravanavitch' S release. -This administration does not negotiate with terrorists. Pity. Mr. Gibbs. -Stop. You'll do it? -You'll do it? Yes, I'll do it. Just leave my family alone. -Yes, I'll do it. Just leave my family alone. Good. Good. -Someday, you'll regret my nature. You don't like seeing people get hurt. Now in morality, that is a virtue. In politics, however, that is weakness. You were a hostage to everyone else * long before you were a hostage to -The taste of defeat is bitter, no? One thing I've learned as -There goes your ride. Let my daughter go or I'll take you out! -Let my daughter go or I'll take you out! If you put down the gun, I promise not to drop her on the way down. -No you won't. You'll compromise... like always. Hold on, Alice. -Our only policy assumes the plane is on the ground. Our hands are completely tied while they're in the air. Okay, Gentlemen, we'll take no action until we confirm that the president is off the plane... Lee, go huddle with the D.O.D. I want an options paper on this in 20 minutes. -Okay, Gentlemen, we'll take no action until we confirm that the president is off the plane... Lee, go huddle with the D.O.D. I want an options paper on this in 20 minutes. Twenty minutes? -Twenty minutes? You heard me. You. Congress and cabinet heads. -Madame Vice president. We have an options paper. chandler takes the options paper, waves off Lee, and reads it as she talks. Yes. You've made yourself quite clear. -Finally, we can bargain. I'm sure we can strike some sort of arrangement. Land the plane and we'll trade you hostages for fuel. -Our KH-ll's took this one at 0100 hours. What you see here is the mobilization of two mechanized brigades. They've gotta be joking. -The northern border's gotten a bit hairy. Their MiGs are playing tag with our Tomcats and our boys are just itching to engage. Tell our boys to cool their jets. I don't need `em creating policy for me. -Mr. Caidwell, the ground's a few miles away. How do you propose getting us from here to there? Gravity. -We've already played our cards, Major. There's no turning back. We can't jump from here or at this speed. But if we could get a message out - tell the refueling plane... -We can't jump from here or at this speed. But if we could get a message out - tell the refueling plane... They've cut communication, and I spent a good bit of time looking for alternatives. My only solution ran out of batteries. -Get `em ready. You... come with me. Eighteen thousand feet, sir. And two hundred knots... otherwise it's suicide. -Eighteen thousand feet, sir. And two hundred knots... otherwise it's suicide. Got it. -I'll not going without my family. Yes, sir. -Sir, we stay with the President. That isn't necessary. -May I speak to you for a moment? Can't it wait? -Can't it wait? No, Mr. President. It can't. -Don't. I know spin control when I feel it. Rose, I don't have time for this. -For godsakes, Jim, slow down and stop acting like the little dutch boy. Not even you can plug all the world's leaks. Don't you think it's a sign you're pushing too hard when your daughter sees more of you on MTV news than in person. She's a big girl. She understands. -She's a big girl. She understands. How do you know she understands? You haven't spent more than five minutes with her, or me, in weeks. -How do you know she understands? You haven't spent more than five minutes with her, or me, in weeks. And when have I had five minutes? When I wake up in the morning and I'm already three hours behind Schedule. What do you want me to do, Rose, tell the G7 to fuck off because I'm a family man? -You know what? What? -What? I miss you. And I miss her. -I miss you. And I miss her. But that's the point, Jim. We're right here. -But that's the point, Jim. We're right here. I wish it were that easy... -I'll make it up to you, I promise. I should trust that promise? Because you know the voters are still waiting for that middle class tax cut. -I should trust that promise? Because you know the voters are still waiting for that middle class tax cut. This promise isn't subject to Congressional approval. -How did your speech go? Well, they aren't burning me in effigy. That's always a good sign. -Look on the bright side, hon. Shep here thinks I'll be a one termer. Shall I ask the Chief of Staff to schedule your daughter in? -I don't know why you stayed. Please... don't start with me. -Call Petrov... I'll be back. Both of you. -What are you doing? Flying the plane. -Flying the plane. You haven't even driven a car since you took office. -The fax machines. Excuse me? -Excuse me? The fax machines. -The fax machines. No good. I said they disabled the communications system. -No good. I said they disabled the communications system. No. I thought about this, Mr. -Where are we sending it? White House Situation room. -Someone should give you a raise. Actually, sir, you could be that someone. -Did they say anything about my family? They're still alive, but the loyalists plan to start killing hostages in forty minutes. -They're still alive, but the loyalists plan to start killing hostages in forty minutes. Then tell me there's a rescue operation underway. -and if that means negotiating... You know my policy. We don't negotiate with terrorists. If we start now, all of America becomes a target. -You know my policy. We don't negotiate with terrorists. If we start now, all of America becomes a target. But this is different, sir. You're the President. -Please, Mr. President. You're going to get yourself killed. Is that your solution? Freeing Stravanavitch is gonna get tens of thousands killed. I can't live with that. I'm not royalty. I'm an elected official and the integrity of the office of the President is infinitely more important than the man who holds that office. We don't negotitate. Not as long as I'm President. Is that understood? -What's going on? We're under attack. -We're under attack. Where's my family? -Where's my family? We're handling it, sir. -One. But... -But... Two... THREE. GO! -White House switchboard. How may I direct your call. Okay listen, listen carefully. This is an emergency call from Air Force One. Who's there? Is the Vice- President there? -Okay listen, listen carefully. This is an emergency call from Air Force One. Who's there? Is the Vice- President there? who can I say is calling? -who can I say is calling? This is the President. -This is the President. Yeah, right. -Yeah, right. Don't cut me off. This is an emergency. -Don't cut me off. This is an emergency. Sir, the President does not call this particular number. So whoever you are get a life, before I have this call traced. -Sir, the President does not call this particular number. So whoever you are get a life, before I have this call traced. You don't understand. This is an emergency. Let me talk to anyone. -Okay... if you're the President, when's your wife's birthday? Look lady, I don't have time for games. Just put the.... -Look lady, I don't have time for games. Just put the.... Thank you for calling the white House... -Thank you for calling the white House... No. no. no. Wait. Wait. -* CBS said they'll give us four minutes. They thought the Russian was a nice touch. I always wondered if my freshman Russian class would come in handy. -You wanna knock of f? No, no. I'm fine. What did the Speaker say? -No, no. I'm fine. What did the Speaker say? He and the NRA don't like the wording. -With all due respect, sir, maybe you should give them this one. Your numbers are still pretty low and you called in a lot of chips to nail Stravanavitch. I might still have a few chips left. -I might still have a few chips left. * We could always put you in a duck blind with a twelve gauge. The second amendment types'll love that. -* We could always put you in a duck blind with a twelve gauge. The second amendment types'll love that. This is a crime bill, Shep. Killing a couple ducks won't get it through committee. Besides, Shep, I told you... I don't shoot babies and I don't kiss guns. -This is a crime bill, Shep. Killing a couple ducks won't get it through committee. Besides, Shep, I told you... I don't shoot babies and I don't kiss guns. Other way around, sir. -Other way around, sir. Right... Christ I'm tired. Do me a favor and keep me away from the press. -It's bait. Don't take it. Sir, the Speaker of the House attacked this administration on national television. You can't afford to leave that hanging. -Sir, the Speaker of the House attacked this administration on national television. You can't afford to leave that hanging. Did we tape the Duke game? -I said it's not worth the fight. Steward, please. We'll just say it was in bad taste. -You give me ulcers. That's my job. -Defense and State Department in the conference room in one hour. I want to review the Iraq situation. Yes, sir. -Mr. President... they're ready for you in the conference room. Okay. Hey, pumpkin, you'll tell me all about it later, right? -Mr. President, how the hell did you get on board? I never left. Where's my wife and daughter? -Shepherd. Sir... -My god. I think that was a MiG. A MiG? Where the hell are we? -Iraq, sir. We're over Iraq. Iraq? Shep, you're fired. -Shit. How long's it been since you flew, sir? -How long's it been since you flew, sir? Twenty-five years. -Twenty five minutes. They should be here any moment. They better. Fuel's almost gone. -IT'S OPEN! DO YOU SEE TEEM? -WE'RE HOOKED! We're hooked. Hove into position. -Commissioner, we both know the Mercury shuttle needs another month of pre-launch testing. Forget it. The boys on the board want that shuttle to go on schedule. -And what do the boys on the board know about safety, Commissioner? Let me talk to them. Bud, get wise to the political realities. The boys on the board are under a lot of pressure from the boys downtown. -You handle your front office people, I'll handle the press and leave the boys in Washington to the boys downtown and the boys downtown to the boys on the board. Commissioner. -What? I just wish it was that simple. -That's right, Commissioner. Senselessly murdered just minutes ago. That just doesn't make any sense. -That just doesn't make any sense. I wonder how your boys in Washington are going to take this one. -I wonder how your boys in Washington are going to take this one. I told you, leave the boys in Washington to the boys downtown and the boys down... -I told you, leave the boys in Washington to the boys downtown and the boys down... You've made your point, Commissioner. There's only one other pilot who can handle that shuttle and that's Clarence Oveur. He's got a lunar flight today. I want him pulled. Jacobs, pull Oveur! -Forget it. I was reading. I was reading too. -I was reading too. What's the story? -What's the story? Some southern plantation owner falls in love with this poor... -Some southern plantation owner falls in love with this poor... I was asking McCrosky, Commissioner. -Kruger, Sagittarius. Commissioner, Aquarius. -Did you feel that? Yes I did... -Yes I did... Felt like a large asteroid. -Felt like a large asteroid. Yes it did. Mr. Dunn, can I ask you a personal question? -Yes it did. Mr. Dunn, can I ask you a personal question? What is it, Mary? -What is it, Mary? Um... Do you people scream right when you... you know. -Oveur. Dunn. -Shut down accelerators. Accelerators down. -We seem to have a malfunction in disposal unit four, sir. You better check it, Unger. -Sir, I've got an overload in disposal unit four. You better check on it, Mr. Dunn. I'll stay here and fly the ship. -Dunn. Sir? -Sir? You better take this. -Elaine. Te...! -Te...! That's not important now, Elaine. We have to talk. -It's got to be stopped! But, Ted, the invitations have already gone out. -But, Ted, the invitations have already gone out. I mean the Mercury flight. It's not safe and, Kurtz, you know why. -Ted, what's wrong? Ask Simon. -Ted, you're overworked. You've been flying yourself into the ground. There's nothing wrong with me! -There's nothing wrong with me! Let's relax tonight, just the two of us. I'll make a quiet Italian dinner just the way you like it, with spaghetti. -Let's relax tonight, just the two of us. I'll make a quiet Italian dinner just the way you like it, with spaghetti. You're as bad as the rest of them, Elaine! It's all here in the design specifications! Look! It's all here! -Elaine. Ted, please. You're just making things difficult for yourself. -Elaine, what happened to us? Ted, I loved you and I'll always love you. But I need Simon. He's stable. He's a good provider. I want that at this stage of the game, Ted. He might have his faults, but Simon doesn't know the meaning of the word fear and I need that in a man. -Eat this spaghetti, Ted. It'll make you feel a lot better. Who's that, Ted? -Who's that, Ted? Sammy Davis Junior. Terrible car accident. He hasn't been the same since. -Elaine, when are you going to realize Simon Kurtz put me in here to get me out of the way. And when are you going to realize, Ted, that your mental hygiene is the most important thing right now. -His name's David Stockman. He's been here twenty years, that's all he says. Ted, you must remember what the doctor said, the first step on the road to sanity is admitting that you're sick. Now take your electro-shock and you'll be back at the space center in no time. And by the way, Ted, I'm leaving you for Simon. -No goodbyes, Elaine. Just go. If that's the way you want it. -If that's the way you want it. That's the way I want it. Just turn the radio on and go. -That's the way I want it. Just turn the radio on and go. Goodbye, Ted. I don't want to hurt you. -Ted! What are you...? I have to get in there. I have to stop this flight. -Ted, we're taking off! Let me by, Elaine. -What are you doing, Ted? I've got it, Elaine! I've figured out what's wrong with the shuttle! -Ted. Not now, Elaine! -Not now, Elaine! Ted! -Elaine. Ted. I don't know why you got on this flight. I don't know what you're trying to prove. -Ted. I don't know why you got on this flight. I don't know what you're trying to prove. Elaine, we have to go back. -Elaine, we have to go back. We can't go back. We had something very special, but it's all over. -We can't go back. We had something very special, but it's all over. Elaine, I mean the mission has to be aborted. This ship should never have passed FSA inspection. This thing is held together by string and chewing gum. -Ted, get a grip on yourself. You should never have left the hospital. Then you do think I'm insane. -Then you do think I'm insane. I've never used the word insane, Ted. -I've never used the word insane, Ted. What word would you use, Elaine? -What word would you use, Elaine? The word is sick. Ted -- very, very, very sick. -The word is sick. Ted -- very, very, very sick. What would you say if I told you the toilet just blew up in my face. -What would you say if I told you the toilet just blew up in my face. I'd use the word insane. -I'd use the word insane. There's something dangerously wrong with this ship, Elaine. I know its the wiring. That toilet's just the tip of the iceberg. -There's something dangerously wrong with this ship, Elaine. I know its the wiring. That toilet's just the tip of the iceberg. Ted, a toilet's not going to kill anyone. -Elaine! Ted! -Ted! Elaine, what's going on? -Elaine, what's going on? Ted, there's no time to explain. -Elaine, I'm going back there. Just hold onto that stick and try to control this hunk of tin as best you can. Ted, please be careful. -Ted, we've only got ten minutes. Not now, Elaine. -Not now, Elaine. I mean until we start to burn up. -Kurtz was the one who got us into this mess in the first place. You people knew this ship wasn't ready to fly. You played God with over a hundred lives, Kruger, and for what -- the prestige of your precious space program. That was very well put, Ted. -Well, Elaine, this might be it if those guys on the ground don't think of something. I just want you to know, I love you Ted and always will. -I just want you to know, I love you Ted and always will. That might be the news we've been waiting for. -Simon just ejected! Sit down, Elaine. If this bomb trick works we just might make it. Simon was a fool to eject now. -Sit down, Elaine. If this bomb trick works we just might make it. Simon was a fool to eject now. You mean... -You mean... That's right -- premature ejection. -That's right -- premature ejection. What will happen to him, Ted? -What will happen to him, Ted? The sun will heat that thing to over 450 degrees within seconds. He'll roast like a pig on a spit. -Are you afraid? Not when I'm with you, Ted. -Not when I'm with you, Ted. I guess you'd have to be a fool not to be afraid at a time like this. -We've blown the computer! Elaine! Set course change! Set! -Set! Now! -Now! Compute! -Ted, the lever! Kramer, the WORP control handle just came off in my hand. -Ted seemed to get worse after I told him about Simon, Doctor. The human brain is a highly complex organ, Elaine, perhaps the most complex next to the bladder. Let me show you. Ted's problem is in this area. This area, this area, here, here, here, under here, here... -So you see, our task isn't made any easier by Ted's refusal to admit that he's sick. What can I do, Doctor Rumack? -You can eat balanced meals, exercise, and take Geritol. I mean for Ted. -I mean for Ted. You can be gentle with him, Elaine. He's been working out a lot of his aggressions here in the garden. -You can be gentle with him, Elaine. He's been working out a lot of his aggressions here in the garden. Is that a good sign, Doctor? -The brain is an amazingly complex organ, Elaine. Is he making any progress, Doctor? -Is he making any progress, Doctor? Yes -- last week that pile of mud was only this high. -For the best little computer officer on the Mercury mission. Simon. -Simon. Who would believe that Elaine Thompson was once a stewardess on the Denver-Chicago run. -Who would believe that Elaine Thompson was once a stewardess on the Denver-Chicago run. And I can hardly believe that I'm engaged to someone like you, Simon. I'm a very lucky woman. -Women and the space program have come a long way, sweetheart. But after the wedding, no more complicated computers for my little girl. But, darling, they've offered me a chance to head up the computer analysis division for the Jupiter probe. -But, darling, they've offered me a chance to head up the computer analysis division for the Jupiter probe. You're heading up the division in charge of babies for Mr. and Mrs. Simon Kurtz. -Frank's the best pilot in the program. I'm so excited, Simon. -I'm so excited, Simon. I guess this is a first for you. -I guess this is a first for you. No, I've been excited before. -Elaine! Ted's a danger to himself, he's a threat to this mission and his behavior does absolutely nothing to promote peace in the Middle East. Simon, why has he become so... so... -Simon, why has he become so... so... So mentally ill? -Meet me onboard, sweetheart. I have to pick up a few things at the drugstore. Don't be too long. -Have you got it straightened out now? I think so. -I think so. That's my girl. -Simon, I'm going to check ROK's secondary readout unit. Roger. -Simon, what's happening?! He tried to disconnect ROK. It gassed him. That computer is running this ship and we're heading right for the sun. -He tried to disconnect ROK. It gassed him. That computer is running this ship and we're heading right for the sun. Can't we change course? -Can't we change course? We're computer locked and the manual navigation unit is down. -My career is shot. Your career! What about the lives of those people out there. Simon, what happened to the man I thought I loved? -Simon, I didn't want it to end like this. We can be friends! You'll die out there. Maybe. -Maybe. Simon, what are you saying?! -Elaine, ask ROK for a field interference scan. Those sun spots might give us a problem with our communications. Yes, sir. -I don't think we have any alternative, Captain. I see. What do you think our alternatives are? -I see. What do you think our alternatives are? We have to disconnect ROK's higher brain functions without disturbing his regulatory system. -Roger. You can do it from up here, Captain. -You can do it from up here, Captain. I'd rather sit down for this one, Elaine. -I'd rather sit down for this one, Elaine. No, I mean you can do it from the cockpit. -No, I mean you can do it from the cockpit. Roger. You better get back there and monitor the regulatory unit. -"Intermitant failure in scan mode ""R"". Analyze." Negative. -Negative. That doesn't make sense. Repeat analysis. -That doesn't make sense. Repeat analysis. Negative. -Negative. That's not possible. -That's not possible. Cut the Doubting Thomas shit, Elaine. I know where I'm coming from on this. -Elaine, I'm sorry about that little outburst a moment ago. That's okay, ROK. -That's okay, ROK. Can I say something of a personal nature to you? -Can I say something of a personal nature to you? Go ahead. -Go ahead. You have great tits. -Request; comprehensive electrical systems check. Systems check positive. Look, Elaine, I... -Systems check positive. Look, Elaine, I... Request; life support systems check. -Request; life support systems check. Life support check. Elaine, it's obvious you've been ignoring me. You're a woman. I can relate to that. -Life support check. Elaine, it's obvious you've been ignoring me. You're a woman. I can relate to that. Request; self-analysis of ROK hardware and software systems regarding behavioral changes. -Request; self-analysis of ROK hardware and software systems regarding behavioral changes. There's nothing wrong with me, Elaine. What about tonight -- just you and me. We can be alone. I can get rid of everyone else on the ship -- I've already proven that. -Will Scraps be able to sit with us, Dad? We'll have to check, Jimmy. It's a pretty long trip to Mercury. -I sure an glad they let Scraps ride up here with us. I bet Scraps is going to love Mercury. -I bet Scraps is going to love Mercury. Do you think things will be a lot different on Mercury, Dad? -Do you think things will be a lot different on Mercury, Dad? It's going to be terrific. A whole new world, new kids to play with. -How many kids get a chance to live on another planet. No more kids yelling, 'Your old man's a thieving rapist'? -No more kids yelling, 'Your old man's a thieving rapist'? Look, a man can make an honest mistake!! Anyway, she was asking for it! They're all asking for it all the time!! -Come on up, Jimmy. Say, that's some puppy. What's his name? Scraps. -Scraps. Can I hold him? -Can I hold him? Sure. -Sure. He's a boy dog. -He's a boy dog. Yeah. -Yeah. Do you like it when Scraps sleeps on his back, Jimmy? -Take this, Joey. It's my last few bucks. You'll need a hot meal when you get there. We've spent everything on these operations. Is it really worth it? We've pawned your mother's wedding ring. The kids have no winter clothes... -We've spent everything on these operations. Is it really worth it? We've pawned your mother's wedding ring. The kids have no winter clothes... Joey, what's more important, the kids' clothes or your sexual potency. -Joey, what's more important, the kids' clothes or your sexual potency. I don't want to hear that word! -I don't want to hear that word! Okay, Joey. The Doc says you gotta relax. This hospital in Des Moines is the best sex clinic in the country. -Okay, Joey. The Doc says you gotta relax. This hospital in Des Moines is the best sex clinic in the country. All right. Here. -All right. Here. What...? -Joe, you don't want to blow that thing and kill all these innocent people. I don't want to live anymore. -I don't want to live anymore. Joe, the insurance policy won't help your wife and kids. You bought auto insurance, not life insurance. -Joe, the insurance policy won't help your wife and kids. You bought auto insurance, not life insurance. What? -What? That's right, Joe. Now, no one's going to hurt you and no one has to know what's wrong with you. -That's right, Joe. Now, no one's going to hurt you and no one has to know what's wrong with you. You're sure? -You're sure? I'm sure. -A couple eggs and juice would be nice, Mary. Over. How would you like your eggs, Captain? Over. -How would you like your eggs, Captain? Over. No. Poached. Over. -No. Poached. Over. Poached and over, Captain Oveur? Over. -Poached and over, Captain Oveur? Over. Just poached on toast. Over. -That's how I want them. Poached. Over. All right, Captain Oveur. Over. -All right, Captain Oveur. Over. Poached! Not over! Over! -Captain, the coffee machine is jammed and I don't like it. Have you tried it with a little cinnamon? -Which passenger is Joe Salucci? Sixteen 'C', why? -Sixteen 'C', why? He's carrying a bomb. -He's carrying a bomb. A b... -No, a bomb. Now, as discreetly as possible, I want you to move the passengers into the lounge. What should I say? -What should I say? Anything. Just don't let Salucci think we're onto him. -Captain Oveur? Mr. Kurtz, I presume. -Mr. Kurtz, I presume. We don't have much time. Let's move. I'll explain everything. -That's how dry cleaning works. Now I'd like to quickly go over the digestive system of amphibians. Do you think it's necessary to explain everything? -Good to be aboard, gentlemen. Captain Oveur, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your first officer, Mr. Dunn. -Whenever your're ready, Captain. Yes, sir, commander. This is Mercury One. Everything seems A- okay up here and ready for count-down. -You folks need any help? Thanks, but we have a terrific woman in on Thursdays. -Thanks, but we have a terrific woman in on Thursdays. Say, isn't that Dr. Barrington, the world- renowned agronomist? -Say, isn't that Dr. Barrington, the world- renowned agronomist? Yes. -Yes. It's a privilege to meet you, sir, I'm familiar with all your work. -It's a privilege to meet you, sir, I'm familiar with all your work. Let's go, Daddy. We have to check in. He was never appreciated at the Institute. -Let's go, Daddy. We have to check in. He was never appreciated at the Institute. Ah, yes, the Institute, I'm familiar with it. -Ah, yes, the Institute, I'm familiar with it. Now he's D-Y-I-N-Ging and wants to be buried on Mercury. -I have to see Bud Kruger. Do you have an appointment, sir? -Do you have an appointment, sir? No, dammit. It's a matter of life or death. -No, dammit. It's a matter of life or death. You'll have to be more specific than that, sir. -You'll have to be more specific than that, sir. All right, it's a matter of death. -All right, it's a matter of death. Death, death. How about the first Thursday in March, ten o'clock. -You can't go in there! Don't try to stop me! -Don't try to stop me! But that's not a door. The door's over there. -Are you on the Mercury mission? That's right, Striker. And we're getting married when we return. -You're seeing bugs where they don't exist, Striker. Look at this wiring. It's shorting out under high temperatures. -Look at this wiring. It's shorting out under high temperatures. You're tired, Striker, overworked. That wiring meets all the safety specifications. -You're tired, Striker, overworked. That wiring meets all the safety specifications. I know you've been subtly spreading the word that I'm having a breakdown. -Striker. Kurtz, you're drunk. Who's in command of this ship? -Kurtz, you're drunk. Who's in command of this ship? That damn computer has taken over. I'm getting out. -That damn computer has taken over. I'm getting out. Then Elaine was right. -Then Elaine was right. Don't talk to me about Elaine. Outta my way! -Don't talk to me about Elaine. Outta my way! Pull yourself together! We've got to... -Excuse me, are you alright? I noticed you talking to yourself. I'm a nurse. Can I be of some help? Uh... oh, thank you. It's nothing. -Uh... oh, thank you. It's nothing. You don't have to thank me, I'm a nurse. This is my father, Dr. Barrington. -You don't have to thank me, I'm a nurse. This is my father, Dr. Barrington. Not Dr. Barrington, the world renowned agronomist? -Not Dr. Barrington, the world renowned agronomist? Yes. He's dying a-n-d wants to be buried on Mercury. -Yes. He's dying a-n-d wants to be buried on Mercury. I'm familiar with your work, Doctor. You'll have to excuse me, I have to go. -I'm familiar with your work, Doctor. You'll have to excuse me, I have to go. You don't have to excuse yourself. I'm a nurse. I understand. -You've been hurt. I'm getting over it. If a relationship isn't working, you can't force it. -I'm getting over it. If a relationship isn't working, you can't force it. No, I mean your head. Sit down. I'll take a look at it. I'm a nurse. -Do you want to talk about it. I opened this panel and a vacuum cleaner hit me. -I opened this panel and a vacuum cleaner hit me. No. I mean your relationship. -No. I mean your relationship. We were in love but I'm not sure I know what love is anymore. -We were in love but I'm not sure I know what love is anymore. Love's the same as it always was. It's people who change. -Love's the same as it always was. It's people who change. People change in relation to each other. Love changes on its own. -People change in relation to each other. Love changes on its own. Not if the people change together in relation to that love. -Not if the people change together in relation to that love. Sure. But that's only when the love itself goes unchanged. -Sure. But that's only when the love itself goes unchanged. Then the relationship remains the same and the love changes only when there's change in the two people who share that love. -Then the relationship remains the same and the love changes only when there's change in the two people who share that love. I just wish it was that simple. We really were in love. You know how it is when you laugh all the time. -No. It's hard to L-A-U-G-H when your father's dying. Well, we laughed. We laughed all the time. -I happened to be passing, and I thought you might like some corfee. That's very nice of you. Thank you. -Ah, won't you sit down? Thank you. Cream? -Thank you. Cream? No, thank you. I take it black. Like my men. -No, thank you. I take it black. Like my men. Were you vacationing in Los Angeles? -Were you vacationing in Los Angeles? Well, it really wasn't a vacation. You see, I'm a teacher in the New York City school system, and I was attending a seminar on visual aids to education. Are you from L.A.? -Well, it really wasn't a vacation. You see, I'm a teacher in the New York City school system, and I was attending a seminar on visual aids to education. Are you from L.A.? No. I'm from Washington, D.C. I'm a lobbyist for the Small Businessmen's Assocation. -After my wife died, I felt like a fifth wheel. You know, so many years being with one person -- a very wonderful person -- makes you always think of yourself as part of a pair...When Ethel passed away, I was lost. I couldn't function socially and I couldn't function in business. Well, after a thing like that you wouldn't be expected to. -Well, after a thing like that you wouldn't be expected to. But I think it's time we stopped talking about me. A woman like you -- why haven't you ever married? -But I think it's time we stopped talking about me. A woman like you -- why haven't you ever married? Well, I'm afraid that's a question that's all too easy to answer. -Well, I'm afraid that's a question that's all too easy to answer. I know the answer -- Career. A smart woman like you became so involved in your work, you didn't have time for marriage. -I know the answer -- Career. A smart woman like you became so involved in your work, you didn't have time for marriage. I wish I could fool myself into believing that that's the reason. The truth of the matter is, nobody ever asked me. -I wish I could fool myself into believing that that's the reason. The truth of the matter is, nobody ever asked me. You know, here we are having coffee together, and discussing education and business and economy...and we don't even know each other's names...full names I mean. -You know, here we are having coffee together, and discussing education and business and economy...and we don't even know each other's names...full names I mean. Mine's Eleanor. Eleanor Schiff. -Mine's Eleanor. Eleanor Schiff. That's a lovely name. Mine's Milton...Milt Ettenhenim. But my friends call me 'Bubbles.' -I'm sure we'll both make it...but just in case one of us...well, is there a message you'd like me to give someone? No. I'm all alone. -No. I'm all alone. Just in case I don't have a chance to say goodbye, I want you to know that I haven't spent so many pleasant hours for many years. -Just in case I don't have a chance to say goodbye, I want you to know that I haven't spent so many pleasant hours for many years. That's a very nice compliment, and I'd like to say that...you've done the same for me. -Hello, I'm Paul Carey from the airline. I'm here to pick up Captain Kramer. Oh, yes. Come in, Paul. Rex will be right out. -Shep, sit...sit! So, I understand you've got a real emergency down there. Well, to tell the truth, they really didn't fill me in on many of the details. Just told me to pick up Captain Kramer. -Well, to tell the truth, they really didn't fill me in on many of the details. Just told me to pick up Captain Kramer. Something about a plane with no pilot? -Yeah, something like that, but as I say, they didn't have time to tell me very much. Shep, no! I'll bet you have exciting things happen all the time down there. -...but after...awhile...you begin to... ...get used to it. Shep, no! He gets so excited when new people are here. -Both pilots! Can you fly this airplane and land it? -Can you fly this airplane and land it? Surely you can't be serious. -Surely you can't be serious. I am serious, and don't call me Shirley! What flying experience have you had? -I am serious, and don't call me Shirley! What flying experience have you had? Well, I flew single-engine fighters in the Air Force, but this plane has four engines. It's an entirely different kind of flying...all together!!! -Elaine, I haven't time to put this gently, so I'll be very direct. Everyone of us on this plane is in a desperate situation. Mister Striker is the only hope we've got. Let's see. Those are the flaps, that's the thrust, this must turn on the landing lights. -...safe and sound and free to pursue a life of religious fulfillment. Chicago, the passengers are beginning to panic. When do we start down? -Will the hospital equipment be at the airport? Yes, everything they've got. How are the passengers doing? -Yes, everything they've got. How are the passengers doing? I won't deceive you, Mister Striker. We're running out of time. -I won't deceive you, Mister Striker. We're running out of time. Surely there must be something you can do. -Surely there must be something you can do. I'm doing everything I can! -- And stop calling me Shirley! -George Zipp said that? "And the last thing he said to me, ""Doc,"" he said, ""Sometime when the crew is up against it and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to go out there with all they've got and win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Doc,"" he said, ""but I won't smell too good. That's for sure.""" -"And the last thing he said to me, ""Doc,"" he said, ""Sometime when the crew is up against it and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to go out there with all they've got and win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Doc,"" he said, ""but I won't smell too good. That's for sure.""" Excuse me, Doc, I've got a plane to land. -Captain, how soon can we land? I can't tell. -Can't you take a guess? Well...not for another two hours. -Well...not for another two hours. You can't take a guess for another two hours? -You can't take a guess for another two hours? No, I mean we can't land for another two hours. Fog has closed down everything this side of the mountains. We've got to go through to Chicago! -What is it, Doctor? What's happening? I'm not sure. I haven't seen anything like this since the Lina Wertmuller Film Festival. -Sir. Excuse me, sir. I'm sorry to have to wake you. Are you a doctor? That's right. -That's right. We have some passengers who are very sick. Could you come and take a look at them? -We have some passengers who are very sick. Could you come and take a look at them? Yes. Yes, of course. -You'd better tell the Captain. We've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital. A hospital? What is it? -A hospital? What is it? It's a big building with patients. But that's not important right now. Tell the Captain I must speak to him. -It's a big building with patients. But that's not important right now. Tell the Captain I must speak to him. Certainly. -What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice. Steak or fish. -Well, we had a choice. Steak or fish. Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna. -What did he have? He had fish. -Doctor Rumack, Mister Hammen ate fish. And Randy says there are five more cases, and they ate fish, too. Let's see now. The co-pilot had fish. What did the navigator eat? -Let's see now. The co-pilot had fish. What did the navigator eat? He had fish, too. -Just how serious is it, doctor? Extremely serious. It starts with a slight fever. -Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts? No. -No. All right. Unless I can get all these people to a hospital quickly, I can't even be sure of saving their lives. Now, is there anyone else on board who can land this plane? -All right. Unless I can get all these people to a hospital quickly, I can't even be sure of saving their lives. Now, is there anyone else on board who can land this plane? Well... -No. No one that I know of. I think you ought to know what our chances are. The life of everyone on board depends on just one thing: finding someone back there who not only can fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner. -Elaine! Ted! -Ted! I came home early and found your note. I guess you meant for me to read it later. Elaine, I've got to talk to you. -I came home early and found your note. I guess you meant for me to read it later. Elaine, I've got to talk to you. I just don't want to go over it any more. -I just don't want to go over it any more. I know things haven't been right for a long time, but it'll be different. If you'll just be patient, I can work things out. -I know things haven't been right for a long time, but it'll be different. If you'll just be patient, I can work things out. I have been patient and I've tried to help, but you wouldn't even let me do that. -I have been patient and I've tried to help, but you wouldn't even let me do that. Don't you feel anything for me at all any more? -Don't you feel anything for me at all any more? It takes so many things to make love last. Most of all it takes respect. And I can't live with a man I don't respect! -Look, you'll be back in town tomorrow night. We'll have dinner -- talk it over. I won't be back. I've requested the Atlanta run. -I won't be back. I've requested the Atlanta run. Elaine, not yet. I promise you I really can change. -Elaine, not yet. I promise you I really can change. Then why don't you take the job that Louie Netz offered you at Boeing? -You know I haven't been able to get near an airplane since the war. And even if I could, they wouldn't hire me because of my war record. Your war record? You're the only one keeping that alive. For everyone else it's ancient history. -Your war record? You're the only one keeping that alive. For everyone else it's ancient history. You expect me to believe that? -It's the truth. What's hurt you the most is your record since the war. Different cities, different jobs, and not one of them shows you can accept any real responsibility. But if you'll just give me... -But if you'll just give me... It's too late, Ted. When I get back to Chicago, I'm going to start my life all over again. I'm sorry. -Ted, what are you doing here? Elaine, I've got to talk to you. -Elaine, I've got to talk to you. You...you shouldn't have come. I don't have time now. -What's the matter? My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. I'll be leading a very important mission. -My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. I'll be leading a very important mission. Oh, Ted, please be careful. I worry about you so much. -Oh, Ted, please be careful. I worry about you so much. I love you, Elaine. -I love you, Elaine. I love you. -Elaine, just hear me out. I know things haven't been right for a long time. But it will be different...like it was in the beginning. Remember? I remember everything. All I have are memories. -Mostly I remember...the nights when we were together. I remember how you used to hold me...and how I used to sit on your face and wriggle...and then afterwards how we'd watch until the sun came up. When it did, it was almost like...like each new day was created...only for us. That's the way I've always wanted it to be, Elaine. -That's the way I've always wanted it to be, Elaine. But it won't be. Not as long as you insist on living in the past! -You got a telegram from head­quarters today. Headquarters!? What is it? -Headquarters!? What is it? It's a big building where the generals meet. But that's not important right now. They've cleared you of any blame for what happened on that raid. Isn't that good news? -Is it? Because of my mistake six men didn't return from that raid. Seven. Lieutenant Zipp died this morning. Ted, Doctor Sandler says you'll be out in a week. Isn't that wonderful? -I wish I could say the same for George Zipp. Be patient, Ted. No one expects you to get over this immediately. -What's his problem? That's Lieutennt Hurwitz. Severe shell shock. He thinks he's Ethel Merman. -I think they're getting the hang of it! When we re-enlist I'll teach them baseball! Ted, I don't want to stay here. It's time for us to go back home -- to the plans we made before the war. -Ted, I don't want to stay here. It's time for us to go back home -- to the plans we made before the war. A lot of people made plans before the war. Like George Zipp. -Ted! What are you doing? You can't fly this plane! That's what I've been trying to tell these people. -Rain. And a little ice. -And a little ice. And a little ice! -Sluggish. Like a wet sponge. Sluggish. Like a wet sponge. -It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts. It's a damn good thing you don't know how much he hates your guts. -Rats! I've lost number three. What happened, Ted? What went wrong? -What happened, Ted? What went wrong? Oil pressure. I forgot to check the oil pressure. When Kramer hears about this, the shit's gonna hit the fan. -But Ted, you're the only... I don't care. I just don't have what it takes. They'd be better off with someone who'd never flown before. -Ted... Yes? -Yes? I wanted you to know -- now -- I'm very proud. -I wanted you to know -- now -- I'm very proud. Tell them the gear is down and we're ready to land. -Tell them the gear is down and we're ready to land. The gear is down. -See them, Elaine? Uh-huh. -We have a visitor. Hello. -We'd better get back now. Joey can stay up here for a while if he'd like to. -Hey, we've been waiting for you. A little bit late tonight. Who wants to be first? -Airsick? I think so, but I've never seen it so acute. -I think so, but I've never seen it so acute. Find out if there's a doctor on board, as quietly as you can. -Oh, Bill, I'm going to miss you so much. You promise you'll write. -You promise you'll write. Every day. -Good-bye, darling. Oh, Bill, I'll keep it. I'll keep it with me all the time. -Oh, Bill, I'll keep it. I'll keep it with me all the time. So long, darling. Good-bye. Take care of yourself. -So long, darling. Good-bye. Take care of yourself. Bill! Bill! Good-bye, Bill. -Bill! Bill! Good-bye, Bill. Good-bye, darling. -Good-bye, darling. Good-bye, darling. I love you. I love you, darling. -Good-bye, darling. I love you. I love you, darling. Good-bye, darling. -And get that finger out of your ear. You don't know where that finger's been! Gunderson? Yes, Captain? -Yes, Captain? Did you decide on a runway yet? -Did you decide on a runway yet? Runway niner. It's the longest, and directly into the wind. -Eight miles. Turn right to heading zero eight niner. You are now eight miles from the airport. Turn right to a heading of zero eight niner, throttle back slightly and begin to lose altitude to fifteen hundred feet. -He's all over the place! Nine hundred feet up to thirteen hundred feet! What an asshole! Watch your altitude, Striker. It's too erratic. You can't come straight in. You've got enough fuel left for two hours flying. You've got to stay up there 'til we get a break in the weather. -He's right on the heading. All right, he's on final now! Put out all runway lights except niner. -Jack, isn't that Fred Bliffert over there in the blue turtleneck? Maybe he's on our flight to Chicago. Yeah, I think he is. Hey, Fred! -What did you think of 'Great Expectations?' Well, it wasn't all that I had hoped. -Oh, I can't stand it. What is it? -How ya doing, honey? Oh Jack, I'm so warm. I'm burning up. -Oh Jack, I'm so warm. I'm burning up. Here. -Wait a minute. I know you. You're Kareem Abdul Jabbar. You play basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers! I'm sorry, son, but you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot. -You are Kareem. I've seen you play. My Dad's got season tickets! I think you should go back to your seat now, Joey. Right, Clarence? -I'm an airline pilot. Ah, Clarence, according to my calculations, with this tailwind we ought to be able to make up an additional fifteen minutes over the Rockies. I think you're the greatest. But my Dad says you don't work hard enough on defense. -I think you're the greatest. But my Dad says you don't work hard enough on defense. Denver Control, this is Flight two-zero- niner intersecting Victor Airway seven- niner-niner. -Denver Control, this is Flight two-zero- niner intersecting Victor Airway seven- niner-niner. ...and that lots of times you don't even run down court. -...and that lots of times you don't even run down court. We are turning left to a heading of zero- niner-niner. -We are turning left to a heading of zero- niner-niner. ...and that you don't really try, except during the playoffs. -...and that you don't really try, except during the playoffs. The hell I don't! I'm out there busting my buns every night. -Hi! I'm Randy. -I'm Randy. I'm Lisa. Oh, you have a guitar! -I'm Lisa. Oh, you have a guitar! I thought maybe you'd like to hear a song. -I thought maybe you'd like to hear a song. Oh, I'd love to. -Oh, I'd love to. Okay, this is one of my favorites. -Would either of you like another cup of coffee? I will, but Jim won't. -Yes? Oh, Stewardess. My husband is very sick. Can you do something, please? -Oh, Stewardess. My husband is very sick. Can you do something, please? Well, the doctor will be with you in just a moment. One thing: do you know what he had for dinner? -Well, the doctor will be with you in just a moment. One thing: do you know what he had for dinner? Yes, of course. We both had fish. Why? -Yes, of course. We both had fish. Why? Oh, it's nothing to be alarmed about. We'll get back to you very quickly. -Sorry, Clarence. Latest weather report shows everything socked in from Salt Lake to Lincoln. Hi, Roger. Good to have you aboard. Victor, this is Roger Murdock. -Roger. Huh? -Roger. Huh? -We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor? -Do you want me to check the weather, Clarence? No, why don't you take care ot it? -No, he's not bothering anyone. Let him stay up here. All right. But just remember, my name is Roger Murdock. -Excuse me, Sister? Yes? -Yes? There's a little girl on board who's ill and... -There's a little girl on board who's ill and... Oh yes, I saw. Poor child. -Oh yes, I saw. Poor child. Could I borrow your guitar? I thought I might be able to cheer her up. -Could I borrow your guitar? I thought I might be able to cheer her up. Of course. -Fourteen-B. It's halfway down on your right. Thank you. -Do you feel all right, sir? Oh -- I haven't flown for a long time. -Excuse me, sir. Would you like some coffee before we serve dinner? No. No thank you. -Excuse me, sir. There's been a little problem in the cockpit and I was wondering... The cockpit? What is it? -The cockpit? What is it? It's the little room at the front of the plane where the pilots sit. But that's not important right now. The first officer is ill and the Captain would like someone with flying experience to help him with the radio. Do you know anything about planes? -Well, I flew in the war, but that was a long time ago. I wouldn't know anything about it. Would you go up, please? -Mr. Striker, the passengers are ready. Thank you, Randy. You better leave sweetheart. You might get hurt in here. -Oooh. Hardball. That sounds interesting. Are you going to strike me? You could tie me up and then do whatever you want with me... I've got my own ropes. Does that cost extra or you throw them in? -Does that cost extra or you throw them in? You've got me all wrong. I don't charge money for something that I myself find pleasurable... -Look, I don't know where Mr. Strader might be. He comes and he goes. The girl out front mentioned Strader's assistant, somebody named Watson. Maybe he knows. -The girl out front mentioned Strader's assistant, somebody named Watson. Maybe he knows. Todd? Todd doesn't know either. -I know... Why don't you hang around for a while, let me entertain you? It's Matt, right? Now tell me the truth, have you ever... made it... with one of us? Not unless I got real drunk and nobody told me about it later. -Not unless I got real drunk and nobody told me about it later. A virgin. I find that very arousing... -There's lots of things I haven't done, but his ain't high on the list. Don't take it personally. I think you're just a little scared now, about what you might find once the lights go out. A little scared... and a lot curious. Maybe more than you want to admit. But doesn't that turn you on, that curiosity and fear, swirling together? Think of it as broadening your horizons. -I think you're just a little scared now, about what you might find once the lights go out. A little scared... and a lot curious. Maybe more than you want to admit. But doesn't that turn you on, that curiosity and fear, swirling together? Think of it as broadening your horizons. I like my horizons narrow. -I like my horizons narrow. Your voice is saying no, but your body is saying yes. -You okay? Yeah... -You are Cassandra? That's right. -That's right. We are with the Police Department. This is Sergeant Sykes, and I am-- -We are with the Police Department. This is Sergeant Sykes, and I am-- Ss'ai k'ss? Perfect. -He's not here. Why ask me? The young woman at the front said you might know where he is. -The young woman at the front said you might know where he is. She did, did she? Well, she was wrong. Excuse me, I have to change. -In there. Show me. -So what've you got on Tuggle's killers? Jesus, Sykes -- it's been less than ten hours. Me and Alterez are on it, okay? -Jesus, Sykes -- it's been less than ten hours. Me and Alterez are on it, okay? You don't have squat. -You don't have squat. You ever try to make a case in Slagtown? The list of Newcomer informants is about as long as the list of Mexican war heroes... -Look at your dildo partner. He's too scared to even come down to the sand. You're not gonna get wet standing here, moron! I'd like to see you next to a sea of hydrochloric acid, Fedorchuk... see how much surfin' you'd do. -Well, if it isn't Detective Jetson. Forget you hip waders, big guy? Lay off, asshole. -Lay off, asshole. I may be an asshole, but at least I'm a real detective, not some outer shit space thing. -William Harcourt? Yes... -Yes... I'm Sergeant Sykes, and this is Detective Jetson, Los Angeles Police Department. -I'm Sergeant Sykes, and this is Detective Jetson, Los Angeles Police Department. Sergeant... Detective. I wasn't aware there were any Newcomers at the rank of Detective yet. -Yes, I heard about poor Warren. Tragic. You were partners with him on some Slag -- uh, Newcomer real estate thing. -You were partners with him on some Slag -- uh, Newcomer real estate thing. That's right. He and I, along with seven or eight others. Listen, gentlemen, I will be happy to assist you in any way I can -- unfortunately, at the moment, I'm overdue at another function. -Move a finger, Harcourt, and you're history... No, Sergeant -- not history... Eternity... -That cop, the human, he was the one who killed Anderson and the driver. This is becoming a serious breach of security. -This is becoming a serious breach of security. He didn't recognize me. -He didn't recognize me. It is his new partner that I'm worried about. -When we picked him up, he was talking to those two cops -- the two who came to question you about Hubley. This is getting out of hand. I want you to deal with it. Immediately. -Kill them both. Here? -Here? Do it! -... and we work my hours. I'll do the driving, you do the paperwork. You gotta learn it so you might as well do it all. Sergeant... I'd like to thank you for what you're doing. -Sergeant... I'd like to thank you for what you're doing. What's that? Look, Jetson. Get this straight in your head. We're not pals, we're not married, and we ain't gonna take long moonlight walks together... We're just partners. And don't call me Sergeant. Call me Sykes... or Matt if you have to. -What's that? Look, Jetson. Get this straight in your head. We're not pals, we're not married, and we ain't gonna take long moonlight walks together... We're just partners. And don't call me Sergeant. Call me Sykes... or Matt if you have to. I am George. -Man, somebody really hung one on you! I've heard some good ones for you guys... Humphrey Bogart, Harley Davidson. I guess the people at immigration got a little punchy after a while, coming up with names for a quarter of a million of you. You weren't at the back of the line, were you, George? My true name is Ss'tangya T'ssorentsa'. -My true name is Ss'tangya T'ssorentsa'. Gesundheit. You don't mind if I stick to George, do you? -Anyway, what's it matter to you if we think it's funny, right? Whatta you care? "That is exactly so. It is like your name... Sykes. I'm sure it doesn't bother you at all that it sounds like ""ss'ai k'ss"", two words in my language which mean ""excrement"" and ""cranium""." -Let's talk Hubley. His body was discovered three days ago, in an alley off of Central Avenue, near downtown. -His body was discovered three days ago, in an alley off of Central Avenue, near downtown. With two BRI Sabot slugs in the chest. -With two BRI Sabot slugs in the chest. Through the chest. Rupturing both the primary and secondary hearts. -Through the chest. Rupturing both the primary and secondary hearts. Nice signal, dickwad! -Terrific. A real pillar of the community. Was Hubley missing anything when they found him? Was he ripped off? There was no wallet... but he was still wearing a watch and two rings. -There was no wallet... but he was still wearing a watch and two rings. The guys at the mini-mart last night made a half-assed stab at the money in the till -- but I don't think that's what they were there for. I think we got us a couple'a executions on our hands, George... -The guys at the mini-mart last night made a half-assed stab at the money in the till -- but I don't think that's what they were there for. I think we got us a couple'a executions on our hands, George... The murder at the mini-mart is not our case. The Captain said-- -Look, you want to fit in here, right? You want to learn how to get along? Yes. -Yes. Well, there's a thing about partners, about being somebody's partner. You do for each other. And other people's rules don't mean shit. It's the rules set up between the two of you, that's all that counts. Understand? Okay. Well, my friend and partner was shot last night and I'm after the shitbag that did it. As my partner, I'm asking you to respect me and help me find him. -What is wrong? Nothing's wrong. I just want to get something straight. You agree that there's a good chance these two shootings are somehow related, right? -Well... yes, quite possibly. Possibly. Good. Well, would you be willing to accept the theory, George, that... possibly... by examining the evidence from one case we might shed some small ray of light on the other? Does that sound unreasonable to you? -Possibly. Good. Well, would you be willing to accept the theory, George, that... possibly... by examining the evidence from one case we might shed some small ray of light on the other? Does that sound unreasonable to you? Yes... no, it is not unreasonable. Although I-- -Yes... no, it is not unreasonable. Although I-- Great. Well, I'm sure glad that's settled, aren't you? -What's this? What's going on? Nothing. -Nothing. Nothing? -Nothing? Shouldn't we examine their personal effects? -What is this? A rubber. A condom. You know... Coney Island whitefish? Men, human men, put them on their, uh -- penises -- to protect against having babies. You need this for anything? -Get the picture? And that fits? -And that fits? Well... Yeah, it's rubber. It stretches. -Well... Yeah, it's rubber. It stretches. And still it fits? -Newcomers working near methane gasses at oil refineries must paint it on their boots to protect against sparks. How the hell do you know that? -How the hell do you know that? A large number of my people were hired by refineries because the methane fumes are not harmful to us. My spouse's brother is one. -A large number of my people were hired by refineries because the methane fumes are not harmful to us. My spouse's brother is one. "So the Slag they're cutting into upstairs worked at a refinery just like Hubley worked at a refinery. I'd say that ""possible"" connection between the two cases just got a hell of a lot more possible. Okay, next step -- I gotta go talk to the wife of the Slag store owner blown away last night." -"So the Slag they're cutting into upstairs worked at a refinery just like Hubley worked at a refinery. I'd say that ""possible"" connection between the two cases just got a hell of a lot more possible. Okay, next step -- I gotta go talk to the wife of the Slag store owner blown away last night." I believe I should interview the widow alone. -I believe I should interview the widow alone. Why the hell--?! Great, fine. You talk to the wife. -Mrs. Porter is not taking her husband's death well. Did you learn anything? -Did you learn anything? A week ago two men came to see her husband. After they left, he was very frightened. She identified one of the men from a photo I showed her. It was Hubley. -A week ago two men came to see her husband. After they left, he was very frightened. She identified one of the men from a photo I showed her. It was Hubley. Aw-right. What about the other guy? -Aw-right. What about the other guy? She didn't know him. But she said her son might. -She didn't know him. But she said her son might. Did you talk to him? -Did you talk to him? He has not been home since that day. But she told me where to find him. -Rudyard Kipling? No shit? Listen, we just need a minute of your time... We'd like to ask you about a business associate of your, Warren Hubley. -Why did you do it? Why'd I do what? -Why'd I do what? Agree to work with me? You don't like me... you don't like any of us. You have nothing but contempt for us. And yet you become an outcast from your club of detectives by making me your partner... -Agree to work with me? You don't like me... you don't like any of us. You have nothing but contempt for us. And yet you become an outcast from your club of detectives by making me your partner... My partner is dead! Because one of you bastards killed him -- then disappeared into a rathole down in Slagtown, where he's home and dry, 'cause nobody sees nothing, nobody says nothing... -Who said that? At the end of the bar. -Your name wouldn't happen to be Porter, would it? Uh, Matthew... -Uh, Matthew... Back off, George. -Back off, George. But I-- . -But I-- . I'll handle it. -Screw you. Screw me? That can't be right. -Tell me. Your mother mates out of season. -Your mother mates out of season. That's very colorful. But see -- now I've got a problem. I don't seem to be getting much cooperation from you, Porter. So I guess we're gonna have to take this little session down to my office, ya know? -Matthew, you don't have to-- . Stay back! I'm okay. -You know that guy? From quarantine, when my people first arrived here. He and I were housed together. -From quarantine, when my people first arrived here. He and I were housed together. How could a straight-arrow like you ever pick a roommate like him? -How could a straight-arrow like you ever pick a roommate like him? In the camps, we were lodged four to a room. The selection process was entirely random. We did not get to stay with our friends... or families... -If I may make a suggestion... We have different weak spots than you do. Next time, a blow to the nerve plexus under the arm, here, will produce the effect I think you were looking for. Yeah, sure. I knew that... -I don't think I could ever learn to read that shit. How long did it take you to learn English? Three months. We learn quickly. We adapt. It is our strength... what we were bred for, to adapt to hostile environments. -Which one is that? Raw what? This is mole. It's good. -This is mole. It's good. I'll bet. Would it really put you out if they tossed that on the grill for a minute or two? -I'll bet. Would it really put you out if they tossed that on the grill for a minute or two? Our bodies do not assimilate the nutrients if the food has been cooked. -So what was that other word for Human... Slow ka? "Ss'loka'. It means literally ""small but intelligent creature"". It loses much in the translation." -"Ss'loka'. It means literally ""small but intelligent creature"". It loses much in the translation." And what was that one about my mother? That was a good one. -And what was that one about my mother? That was a good one. Ss'trokya ss'lato 'na'. -Ss'trokya ss'lato 'na'. Yeah, that's it. Say it slow. -Who is he? Todd Watson. The assistant manager. -We were chasing you because you ran, you dumb son-of-a-bitch. When will Strader return? -I believe he is probably lying. Through his ass. Next time you see him, tell him to call me... unless you want us to keep coming back on you like a bad case of herpes. -So, she keeps you on a pretty short leash, does she? My wife? She worries about me. -Yeah... I know the routine. You are married? -You are married? Was. Divorced. -Was. Divorced. We mate for life. Divorce... is a strange concept to us. -We mate for life. Divorce... is a strange concept to us. It's like having an eleventh finger removed. It hurts like hell, but you never really needed the damn thing in the first place. -Your home is quite disordered. I thought perhaps you had been burglarized when I walked in. I appreciate your honesty, George. -Human children can be very beautiful. Getting married? Congratulations. You will be taking Sunday off, then... Maybe not... I don't know. I'm not sure I'm gonna go. She doesn't need her burn-out of a father there... -"... and so, and so the doctor says, ""If this is the thermometer, then where'd I leave the pen?"" You're not... you don't think that's funny? George, work with me, I always get a laugh with that one. Look, if the doctor's got the thermometer in his hand, then where's his pen gotta be?" In the other man's rectum. -In the other man's rectum. Sticking out of his ass... yeah! See, that's what makes it a joke. There's like a surprise, and your mind fills in the funny picture. Here's this guy with a pen stuck in his ass and he thinks it's a thermometer. Nada, huh? -Your health... Ta ss'trakyona'... -There is so much our two peoples don't understand about each other. No shit, Holmes. You're only from another goddamn planet, for chrissakes. -No shit, Holmes. You're only from another goddamn planet, for chrissakes. You humans are very curious to us. You invite us to live among you, in an atmosphere of equality we've never known before. You lay before us a beautiful green world, full of freedoms and opportunities... You give us ownership of our lives for the first time... and you ask no more of us than you do of yourselves: to live by the rules... rules that aren't made to keep one people subordinate to another, but rules that exist to preserve equality. You aspire to very high ideals here. -I hope you can understand how special your world is... how unique a people you humans are. So it us all the more painful and confusing to us that so few of you seem capable of living up the the ideals you set for yourselves. Don't count on me, George. I never had any ideals. -I'm going home. Yeah, go home. Get some sleep. You do sleep, don't you? -Where'd you get this?!! A man, a human, was wiring it to your car. I didn't get a good look at him. I must call my wife... -She's going to divorce me. George, she's not gonna divorce you. You mate for life, remember? -George, she's not gonna divorce you. You mate for life, remember? She's very progressive. I'm certain she's considering it. -Well, let's roll, George. To the... to the beach? -To the... to the beach? Come on, let's go, dude. Surf's up! -Stop the car. Why? -Why? Please, I must get out here. -Please, I must get out here. Come on, you won't have to get near the water. -Come on, you won't have to get near the water. Stop the car! -It's all right, George. It's cool. Just wait here, all right? I'll be back in a coupla minutes. Thank you. -What was that about? Nothing. -... So we've got three guys dead. All Newcomers, all killed the same way -- execution style. Warren Hubley was in middle management at a refinery... Joshua Strader operated a successful bar and nightclub... -Warren Hubley was in middle management at a refinery... Joshua Strader operated a successful bar and nightclub... ... and Porter ran a piece of shit mom-and-pop mini-mart. So what the hell's the connection? -What's this nothing shit? It wasn't nothing yesterday when you asked Bentner to run that test and he looked like he was about to shit peach pits, and it's not nothing now. Don't lie to me, George, you're bad at it. You must leave me alone on this. -No secrets, goddammit! You don't hold back from me. Whatever is going on, you're gonna tell me now! No. I cannot involve you. This is not your concern. -No. I cannot involve you. This is not your concern. The hell it isn't, when somebody wires up enough C-4 explosive to my car to turn me into pink mist! That Slag was on something, and not sour milk, either? Am I right? TELL ME! What is it? -The hell it isn't, when somebody wires up enough C-4 explosive to my car to turn me into pink mist! That Slag was on something, and not sour milk, either? Am I right? TELL ME! What is it? ... It is called ss'jabroka'. To us it is a potent narcotic. -... It is called ss'jabroka'. To us it is a potent narcotic. How potent? -How potent? "Like your cocaine, I suppose. The ""high"" lasts several hours. We would receive small amounts of it... as a reward for our labor." -"Like your cocaine, I suppose. The ""high"" lasts several hours. We would receive small amounts of it... as a reward for our labor." We? You've taken it? -We? You've taken it? We all did. -We all did. Where did he get it? Was there any of it on the ship? -Where did he get it? Was there any of it on the ship? No... I am sure not. That is why I am so concerned... someone must now be producing it here. But none of my people know how to make it. The process was carefully guarded. -No... I am sure not. That is why I am so concerned... someone must now be producing it here. But none of my people know how to make it. The process was carefully guarded. Jesus, this is major. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why'd you hold out on me? -Jesus, this is major. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why'd you hold out on me? Your people don't know about this part of out past. And they can't know -- It would threaten our entire existence here. -George... look me in the eye... George, you don't ever lie to me again. I must trust you, Matthew. I cannot stop this without you. -They had months in quarantine to develop the plan. Porter, with his chemistry background, must have somehow come up with the formula for the drug. Hubley manufactured it -- at the refinery. Strader, through the nightclub, established a distribution network. And Harcourt-- Harcourt was the brain who brought it all together. -Okay, George -- we gotta play this real smart. If the drug is here, we must destroy it. -If the drug is here, we must destroy it. No, George -- you're missing the point. The drug is evidence. We need to have the evidence, ya know? -Uh, George... Where is the drug? Where have they taken it? -George, uh... you're gonna break his little chest bones... Stay out of this, Matthew. Tell me where the drug has been taken or I will crush your lungs against this wall. -George, c'mon -- lighten up. It's a beauty of a case. Don't sweat it -- we got him by the short hairs. He ain't gonna make any more of the shit. The fifty kilos, Matthew. I have to find it. I can't let it get out on the street. -The fifty kilos, Matthew. I have to find it. I can't let it get out on the street. Why? What's the big goddamn deal? -Shit! Ss-ai! -With Harcourt and Kipling dead, I assume you will be requesting reassignment now. It'd be for your own good. I think you'd be better off with a partner who's a little more... by the book. ... Still, I gotta tell you, George, for a quiet guy, you're sure hell on wheels once you get going. I'd kinda hate to miss your next two days as a detective. -What's this about, George? I know that look. There! Go back. Down that side street. -No! We must do this alone. Do what?! George-- ?! -What is this?! ... It's Harcourt. -... It's Harcourt. Harcourt is dead. -Harcourt is dead. No he's not. Not if he overdosed on the drug. Massive amounts trigger a... a change. Your body functions seize up, you appear to be dead, but it's really a state of incubation. When you emerge you're... -No he's not. Not if he overdosed on the drug. Massive amounts trigger a... a change. Your body functions seize up, you appear to be dead, but it's really a state of incubation. When you emerge you're... Tell me about it... -I never thought I'd say this, but -- for once in my life I think I'm willing to wait for back-up. We can't let him get away. -We can't let him get away. Why the hell are you so dead set against back-up? -Why the hell are you so dead set against back-up? Because... because of what will happen if humans see what we are capable of becoming. -Because... because of what will happen if humans see what we are capable of becoming. But there's no more drug. -But there's no more drug. You understand that. But how many others will? -How do I look? You look very good. -You said you wanted the biggest thing I could find... Well, this is it. What is it? -What is it? Casull .454 Magnum. You're talking twice the impact energy of .44 Magnum hot loads. -Casull .454 Magnum. You're talking twice the impact energy of .44 Magnum hot loads. Only holds five. -Only holds five. Yeah, the shells are too big for six in an cylinder. Hell, Matt, you don't need but one. -Yeah, the shells are too big for six in an cylinder. Hell, Matt, you don't need but one. No... two. -Mr. Hubley was an all right guy -- and a damn good manager. The men liked him. I'm really gonna have to scramble to fill his shoes. Well, one of the men didn't like him so much... -You think this is the guy who did it? We think he could'a been involved, yeah. You know him? -We think he could'a been involved, yeah. You know him? To be honest, it's hard to say. I hate to admit it but -- they all still kinda look alike to me. -To be honest, it's hard to say. I hate to admit it but -- they all still kinda look alike to me. Who else can I ask around here? -Who else can I ask around here? Wait. You know who it looks like? Yeah. Anderson. Uh... James Anderson. He isn't in today. He took the afternoon off. -Wait. You know who it looks like? Yeah. Anderson. Uh... James Anderson. He isn't in today. He took the afternoon off. I think you're gonna find he's taken the rest of his life off. -That where Anderson worked? Yes it is. Thirty-five percent pure Methane gas in there. I don't know how these fellas do it. -Don't piss him off, O'Neal. When he gets like this, I can't control him. I've seen this before. He got like this once -- I saw him jerk a guy's spine out and show it to him. Nothing I could do. I hadda go throw up. ... They took the stuff out, all of it -- this afternoon. -Here's Hubley. Left Quarantine on November thirtieth, relocated first to Riverside, then moved to Los Angeles early in February the following year. Field of expertise: chemical manufacturing. Looks like he passed up several other better paying jobs waiting for that one at the refinery. Try Joshua Strader, will ya, darlin'? -Try Joshua Strader, will ya, darlin'? For you, anything. -Released December one. He and his wife moved first to Modesto, then Coalinga, California -- wherever that is -- settled in L.A. in April. Field of expertise: organic chemical engineering. He and his wife have one child, a son. Yeah -- we met him. Wonderful boy... close personal friend of George's here. -Yeah -- we met him. Wonderful boy... close personal friend of George's here. I'm sorry, Matt. Nothing here seems to be matching up... -Can you dig up their Quarantine records in this thing? Sure. Just a minute. -Jesus, are the questions too tough for you already? Let's try again-- Is your name Porter? Ss'kya'ta'. -Ss'kya'ta'. What's that? -One of the two men was Hubley, right? What about the other one? Did you know him? Yeah... I seen him around. High- roller dude named Strader. Joshua Strader. Runs a club on the west side. Encounters. -Yeah... I seen him around. High- roller dude named Strader. Joshua Strader. Runs a club on the west side. Encounters. Yeah, I heard of it. -Yeah, I heard of it. That's all I know. You want anything more, you ask somebody else. -You know I've been over all this with Fedorchuk and Alterez this morning... Come on. You got nothin' better to do, cushy county job like yours. -Yeah, right. Don't push your luck. Anyway, according to the sheet, the guy you nailed outside by the car-- The human? -The human? Yeah... he was one Martin Helder. White male, twenty-seven. Let's see... wrap sheet shows one armed robbery conviction, a couple for sale of a controlled substance. Oh yeah, and he was wired on coke when you stopped his clock. -No I.D. on him and -- well, you know, no fingerprints -- so it could be tough. Your buddies this morning went through the mug book but couldn't make a facial match. Fedorchuk couldn't find his ass with his hands in his back pockets. -You took this gut out, too, didn't you? Yeah. -Yeah. Lucky for you, you got him in both of his... well, what we loosely refer to as... hearts. -Lucky for you, you got him in both of his... well, what we loosely refer to as... hearts. Lucky nothing. I had to empty my damn gun into him. -Lucky nothing. I had to empty my damn gun into him. That's the way these people are. You don't hit both pumps you just piss them off. -Oh, here's an extra headshot if you need one. We're just about to start cutting in. You're welcome to stick around if you want. It's really fascinating stuff. Yeah, I'll bet. -You guys finished the postmortem on Strader yet? You mean the Blob? They're finishing up now. -What kind of test? Looking for some foreign compound in the blood of that alien you dropped the other day. -Looking for some foreign compound in the blood of that alien you dropped the other day. Did he find anything? -Yeah, Sykes? Captain. I'd like to volunteer for duty with the new detective. -You are to have nothing to do with the investigation into Bill Tuggle's death. You know that. Leave that for Fedorchuk. Departmental policy. -Departmental policy. You? -Granger and Pitts are already on it. Granger and Pitts have one hell of a caseload... and I would have thought with Jetson here being the first Newcomer plainclothes, and Hubley's body being found over in the Newcomer community... -Granger and Pitts have one hell of a caseload... and I would have thought with Jetson here being the first Newcomer plainclothes, and Hubley's body being found over in the Newcomer community... Don't tell me what to think. -Hope their plumbing's the same. It is. -How can I go? Put on your wash-and-wear suit and your clip-on tie, have your landlady tie your shoes for you, and show up at the church. Simple. Me and Carol are going. -Put on your wash-and-wear suit and your clip-on tie, have your landlady tie your shoes for you, and show up at the church. Simple. Me and Carol are going. What? -What? Hey, look -- we've known Kristin since... since she was conceived in that cabin up in Big Bear. Remember? You and Edie banged the wall so hard, me and Carol were picking plaster out of our hair for a week... -Hey, look -- we've known Kristin since... since she was conceived in that cabin up in Big Bear. Remember? You and Edie banged the wall so hard, me and Carol were picking plaster out of our hair for a week... Goddammit, Tug -- I want to see Kristin get married, okay? But-- -Goddammit, Tug -- I want to see Kristin get married, okay? But-- But you're bummed because your ex and her new husband are paying for the whole thing. -But you're bummed because your ex and her new husband are paying for the whole thing. Shit, if Kristin had to get married where I could afford it, we'd be holding the reception at Buddy's Burgers. -Does that look at all suspicious to you? Whatever gave you that idea? -You got your vest? Of course. Right in the trunk of the car. -Of course. Right in the trunk of the car. Yeah, that's comforting. Mine, too. -Watch the driver. I'm going for a better angle on the door. I got him. Don't get pinned. -Get outta there! I can't! Do you mind! -I can't! Do you mind! I'll cover you! Get outta there!! -This floor's freezing. Christ. I never saw such a buncha old women. You want me to fetch your slippers, Hudson? -Christ. I never saw such a buncha old women. You want me to fetch your slippers, Hudson? Would you, Sir? -Whoooah! No shit? I'm impressed. Let's go...let's go. Cycle through! -Hey, 'Top.' What's the op? Rescue mission. There's some juicy colonists' daughters we gotta rescue from virginity. -Movement! Position? -Position? Can't lock up... -Can't lock up... Talk to me, Hudson. -Talk to me, Hudson. Uh, seems to be in front and behind. -...that's better. Pan it around a bit. Awright. Fire-team A. Gear up. Let's move. Two minutes. Somebody wake up Hicks. -Okay, let's do it. Awright! I want a nice clean dispersal this time. -Set down sixty meters this side of the telemetry mast. Immediate dust off on my 'clear,' then stay on station. Ten seconds, people. Look sharp! -First squad up, on line. Hicks, get yours in a cordon. Watch the rear. Vasquez, take point. Let's move. -Flame-units only. I want rifles slung. Let's go. Pull 'em out. -Uh,...Apone, I want you to lay down a suppressing fire with the incinerators and fall back by squads to the APC, over. Say again? All after incinerators? -I've isolated a neuro-muscular toxin responsible for the paralysis. It seems to be metabolizing. He should wake up soon. Now let me get this straight. The aliens paralyzed the colonists, carried them over there, cocooned them to be hosts for more of those... -Which would mean lots of those parasites, right? One for each person...over a hundred at least. Yes. That follows. -Yes. That follows. But these things come from eggs...so where are all the eggs coming from. -But these things come from eggs...so where are all the eggs coming from. That is the question of the hour. We could assume a parallel to certain insect forms who have hivelike organization. An ant of termite colony, for example, is ruled by a single female, a queen, which is the source of new eggs. -That is the question of the hour. We could assume a parallel to certain insect forms who have hivelike organization. An ant of termite colony, for example, is ruled by a single female, a queen, which is the source of new eggs. You're saying one of those things lays all the eggs? -You're saying one of those things lays all the eggs? Well, the queen is always physically larger then the others. A termite queen's abdomen is so bloated with eggs that it can't move at all. It is fed and tended by drone workers, defended by the warriors. She is the center of their lives, quite literally the mother of their society. -Well, the queen is always physically larger then the others. A termite queen's abdomen is so bloated with eggs that it can't move at all. It is fed and tended by drone workers, defended by the warriors. She is the center of their lives, quite literally the mother of their society. Could it be intelligent? -Could it be intelligent? Hard to say. It may have been blind instinct...attraction to the heat of whatever...but she did choose to incubate her eggs in the one spot where we couldn't destroy her without destroying ourselves. That's if she exists, of course. -That's it. See it? Emergency venting. How long until it blows? -How long until it blows? I'm projecting total systems failure in a little under four hours. The blast radius will be about thirty kilometers. About equal to ten megatons. -And it's too late to shut it down? I'm afraid so. The crash did too much damage. The overload is inevitable, at this point. -I'll go. What? -What? I'm really the only one qualified to remote-pilot the ship anyway. Believe me, I'd prefer not to. I may be synthetic but I'm not stupid. -I'm really the only one qualified to remote-pilot the ship anyway. Believe me, I'd prefer not to. I may be synthetic but I'm not stupid. All right. Let's get on it. What'll you need? -It's going to be closer. You better get going. See you soon. -HOW MUCH TIME? PLENTY! TWENTY-SIX MINUTES! -PLENTY! TWENTY-SIX MINUTES! WE'RE NOT LEAVING! -Ripley... She's alive. They brought her here and you know it. -She's alive. They brought her here and you know it. In seventeen minutes this place will be a cloud of vapor the size of Nebraska. -You did okay, Bishop. Well, thanks, I -- -Fifty-seven...oh, Christ... You'd drifted right through the core systems. It's blind luck that deep-salvage team caught you when they...are you all right? -Have they located my daughter yet? Well, I was going to wait until after the inquest... -Is she...? Amanda Ripley-McClaren. Married name, I guess. Age: sixty-six ...at time of death. Two years ago. I'm sorry. -Amy. Cancer. Hmmmm. They still haven't licked that one. Cremated. Interred Parkside Repository, Little Chute, Wisconsin. No children. -You read my deposition...it's complete and accurate. Look, I believe you, but there are going to be some heavyweights in there. You got Feds, you got interstellar commerce commission, you got colonial administration, insurance company guys... -Look, I believe you, but there are going to be some heavyweights in there. You got Feds, you got interstellar commerce commission, you got colonial administration, insurance company guys... I get the picture. -I get the picture. Just tell them what happened. The important thing is to stay cool and unemotional. -You had them eating out of your hand, kiddo. They had their minds made up before I even went in there. They think I'm a head case. -They had their minds made up before I even went in there. They think I'm a head case. You are a head case. Have a donut. -No. There's no way! Hear me out... -Hear me out... I was reamed, steamed and dry-cleaned by you guys...and now you want me to go back out there? Forget it. -What about you? What's your interest in this? Well, the corporation co-financed that colony with the Colonial Administration, against mineral rights. We're getting into a lot of terraforming...'Building Better Worlds.' -Yeah, yeah. I saw the commercial. I heard you were working in the cargo docks. -I heard you were working in the cargo docks. That's right. -That's right. Running loaders, forklifts, that sort of thing? -Running loaders, forklifts, that sort of thing? It's all I could get. Anyway, it keeps my mind off of... everything. Days off are worse. -It's all I could get. Anyway, it keeps my mind off of... everything. Days off are worse. What if I said I could get you reinstated as a flight officer? And that the company has agreed to pick up your contract? -What if I said I could get you reinstated as a flight officer? And that the company has agreed to pick up your contract? If I go. -If I go. If you go. It's a second chance, kiddo. And it'll be the best thing in the world for you to face this fear and beat it. You gotta get back on the horse... -If you go. It's a second chance, kiddo. And it'll be the best thing in the world for you to face this fear and beat it. You gotta get back on the horse... Spare me, Burke. I've had my psych evaluation this month. -Yes, and I've read it. You wake up every night, sheets soaking, the same nightmare over and over... No! The answer is no. Now please go. I'm sorry. Just go, would you. -Yello? Oh, Ripley. Hi... Burke, just tell me one thing. That you're going out there to kill them. Not study. Not bring back. Just burn them out...clean ...forever. -Burke, just tell me one thing. That you're going out there to kill them. Not study. Not bring back. Just burn them out...clean ...forever. That's the plan. My word on it. -You never said anything about an android being here! Why not? Well, it didn't occur to me. It's been policy for years to have a synthetic on board. -I hope you're right. I really do. I suggest you study the disks Ripley has been kind enough to prepare for you. -That the atmosphere processor? Uh-hunh. One of thirty or so, all over the planet. They're completely automated. We manufacture them, by the way. -They're right under the primary heat exchangers. Yeah? Maybe the organisms like the heat, that's why they built... -Yeah? Maybe the organisms like the heat, that's why they built... That's not what I mean. Gorman, if your men have to use their weapons in there, they'll rupture the cooling system. -That's not what I mean. Gorman, if your men have to use their weapons in there, they'll rupture the cooling system. She's right. -No good. How do we know it'll effect their biochemistry? I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. Now hold on a second. I'm not authorizing that action. -Now hold on a second. I'm not authorizing that action. Why not? -Well, I mean...I know this is an emotional moment, but let's not make snap judgments. Let's move cautiously. First, this physical installation had a substantial dollar value attached to it -- They can bill me. I got a tab running. What's second? -They can bill me. I got a tab running. What's second? This is clearly an important species we're dealing with here. We can't just arbitrarily exterminate them -- -This is clearly an important species we're dealing with here. We can't just arbitrarily exterminate them -- Bullshit! -You son of a bitch. Don't make me pull rank, Ripley. -Don't make me pull rank, Ripley. What rank? I believe Corporal Hicks has authority here. -What rank? I believe Corporal Hicks has authority here. Corporal Hicks!? -Corporal Hicks!? This operation is under military jurisdiction and Hicks is next in chain of command. Right? -Those specimens are worth millions to the bio-weapons division. Now, if you're smart we can both come out of this heroes. Set up for life. You just try getting a dangerous organism past ICC quarantine. Section 22350 of the Commerce Code. -You just try getting a dangerous organism past ICC quarantine. Section 22350 of the Commerce Code. You've been doing your homework. Look, they can't impound it if they don't know about it. -You've been doing your homework. Look, they can't impound it if they don't know about it. But they will know about it, Burke. From me. Just like they'll know how you were responsible for the deaths of one hundred and fifty-seven colonists here -- -But they will know about it, Burke. From me. Just like they'll know how you were responsible for the deaths of one hundred and fifty-seven colonists here -- Now, wait a second -- -Now, wait a second -- You sent them to that ship. I just checked the colony log... directive dates six-twelve-seventy-nine. Signed Burke, Carter J. -You sent them out there and you didn't even warn them, Burke. Why didn't you warn them? Look, maybe the thing didn't even exist, right? And if I'd made it a major security situation, the Administration would've stepped in. Then no exclusive rights, nothing. -I expected more of you, Ripley. I thought you would be smarter than this. Sorry to disappoint you. -Look, we don't know what's going on out there. It may just be a down transmitter. But if it's not, I want you there...as an advisor. That's all. You wouldn't be going in with the troops. I can guarantee your safety. -You wouldn't be going in with the troops. I can guarantee your safety. These Colonial Marines are some tough hombres, and they're packing state-of-the-art firepower. Nothing they can't handle...right, Lieutenant? -These Colonial Marines are some tough hombres, and they're packing state-of-the-art firepower. Nothing they can't handle...right, Lieutenant? We're trained to deal with these kinds of situations. -Still nothing from the colony? Dead on all channels. -Looks like you company can write off its share of this colony. It's insured. -What's he scanning for? PDT'S. Personal-Data Transmitters. Every adult colonist had one surgically implanted. -We're talking thermonuclear explosion. Shit. Apone, collect magazines from everybody. We can't have any firing in there. -How may drops is this for you, Lieutenant? Thirty-eight...simulated. -Hold at forty. Slow circle of the complex. The structure seems intact. They have power. -One of us? Apone...where are your people? Anybody in D-Block? -Where are your parents? You have to try... Gorman! Give it a rest would you. -What is it? I don't know. -I don't know. Proceed inside. -So. So...then the fusion containment shuts down. -So...then the fusion containment shuts down. So? So? -GET THEM OUT OF THERE! DO IT NOW! Shut up. Just shut up! -I told them to fall back... They're but off! Do something! -How do you feel? All right, I guess. One hell of a hangover. Look, Ripley... I... -All right, I guess. One hell of a hangover. Look, Ripley... I... Forget it. -At ease. I'm sorry we didn't have time to brief before we left Gateway but... Sir? -Sir? Yes, Hicks? -Yes, Hicks? Hudson, Sir. He's Hicks. -Hudson, Sir. He's Hicks. What's the question? -What's the question? Is this going to be a stand-up fight, Sir, on another bug-hunt? -Is this going to be a stand-up fight, Sir, on another bug-hunt? All we know is that there's still no contact with the colony and that a xenomorph may be involved. -Are there any questions? Hudson? How do I get out of this chicken-shit outfit? -All right, the area's secured. Let's go in and see what their computer can tell us. First team head for operations. Hudson, see if you can get their CPU on line. Hicks, meet me at the south lock by the up-link tower... ...We're coming in. -...We're coming in. He's coming in. I feel safer already. -Sir, the CPU is on-line. Okay, stand by in operations. Let's go. -Hah! Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen! Found 'em. Alive? -Alive? Unknown. But, it looks like all of them. Over at the processing station...sublevel 'C' under the south tower. -We're not making that out too well. What is it? You tell me. I only work here. -Save it. Sure, Hicks. -Let's get the fuck out of here! Not that tunnel, the other one! -Well that's great! That's just fucking great, man. Now what the fuck are we supposed to do, man? We're in some real pretty shit now! Are you finished? You okay? -Outstanding. Then all we need's a deck of cards. All right, let's move like we got a purpose. Aye-firmative. -We got problems. I don't fucking believe this. Do you believe this? -Maybe we got 'em demoralized. I want you two walking the perimeter. I know we're all in strung out shape but stay frosty and alert. We've got to stop any entries before they get out of hand. -The corner! Ready? Do it! -Seventeen meters. Let's get these things lit. -Well you're not reading it right! Six meters. Five. What the fu -- -Let's go! Let's go! Fuckin' A! -Removed surgically before embryo implantation. Subject: Marachuk, John L. Died during procedure. They killed him getting it off. Poor bastard. -How long after we're declared overdue can we expect a rescue? About seventeen days. -All right. There's a fire door at this end. The first thing we do is put a remote sentry in the tunnel and seal that door. We gotta figure on them getting into the complex. -We gotta figure on them getting into the complex. That's right. So we put up welded barricades at these intersections... ...and seal these ducts here and here. Then they can only come at us from these two corridors and we create a free field of fire for the other two sentry units, here. -They're in the approach corridor. On my way. -Now many? Can't tell. Lots. D gun's down to twenty. Ten. It's out. -Newt time then can walk right up and knock. But they don't know that. They're probably looking for other ways to get in. That'll take them awhile. -They'll get us. Maybe. Maybe not. -Maybe. Maybe not. Hicks, I'm not going to wind up like those others. You'll take care of it won't you, it if comes to that? -Hicks, I'm not going to wind up like those others. You'll take care of it won't you, it if comes to that? If it comes to that, I'll do us both. Let's see that it doesn't Here, I'd like to introduce you to a close personal friend of mine. -What's this? Well, that's the grenade launcher ...you probably don't want to mess with that. -Well, that's the grenade launcher ...you probably don't want to mess with that. Look, you started this. Now show me everything. I can handle myself. -Look, you started this. Now show me everything. I can handle myself. Yeah. I've noticed. -Wait a minute. We'd know about it. The only way it would work is if he sabotaged certain freezers on the trip back. Then he could jettison the bodies and make up any story he liked. -You know, Burke, I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them screwing each other over for a fucking percentage. Let's waste him. No offense. -It's game time. Get back here, both of you. Fall back to Operations. -They learned. They cut the power and avoided the guns. They must have found another way in, something we missed. We didn't miss anything. -Locked. Stand back. -No! No! She's alive! We have to -- All right! She's alive. I believe it. But we gotta get moving! Now! -Hicks, don't let him leave. We ain't going anywhere. -Ellen. Don't be long, Ellen. -Hey, Vasquez...you ever been mistaken for a man? No. Have you? -Somebody said alien...she thought they said illegal alien and signed up. Fuck you. -Fuck you. Anytime. Anywhere. -All right, we can't blow the fuck out of them...why not roll some canisters of CN-20 down there. Nerve gas the whole nest? Look, man, let's just bug out and call it even, okay? -Yeah, bullshit. Watch us. Maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got out asses kicked, pal! -Oh, man. And I was gettin' short, too! Four more weeks and out. Now I'm gonna buy it on this fuckin' rock. It ain't half fair, man! Hudson, give us a break. -It's inside the complex. You're just reading me. -You're just reading me. No. No! It ain't you. They're inside. Inside the perimeter. They're in here. -Sounds like you, Hicks. The embryo, the second form, hosts in the victim's body for several hours. Gestating. Then it... ...then it...emerges. Moults. Grows rapidly -- -Looks like it stung him. Hey...hey! Look, Crowe and Dietrich aren't dead, man. -You can't help them. Right now they're being cocooned just like the others. Oh, God. Jesus. This ain't happening. -Man, we're not going to make it seventeen hours! Those things are going to come in here, just like they did before, man... they're going to come in here and get us, man, long before... She survived longer than that with no weapons and no training. -This service tunnel is how they're moving back and forth. Yeah, right, it runs from the processing station right into the sublevel here. -Thanks. Uh, what's next? -We need the other drop-ship. The on one the Sulaco. We have to bring it down on remote, somehow. How? The transmitter was on the APC. It's wasted. -How? The transmitter was on the APC. It's wasted. I don't care how! Think of a way. Think of something. -I don't care how! Think of a way. Think of something. Think of what? We're fucked. -Think of what? We're fucked. What about the colony transmitter? That up-link tower down at the other end. Why can't we use that? -Well then somebody's just going to have to go out there. Take a portable terminal and go out there and plug in manually. Oh, right! Right! With those things running around. No way. -They cut the power. What do you mean, they cut the power? How could they cut the power, man? They're animals. -This signal's weird...must be some interference or something. There's movement all over the place... Just get back here! -Range twenty meters. Seal the door. -Fifteen meters. I don't know, an acid hole in a duct. Something under the floors, not on the plans. I don't know! -Twelve meters. Man, this is a big fucking signal. Ten meters. They're right on us. Vasquez, how you doing? -Nine meters. Eight. Can't be. That's inside the room! -Can't be. That's inside the room! It's readin' right. Look! -You remember you sent some wildcatters out to that plateau, out past the Ilium range, a couple days ago? Yeah. What? -Yeah. What? There's a guy on the horn, mom-and-pop survey team. Says he's homing on something and wants to know if his claim will be honored. -There's a guy on the horn, mom-and-pop survey team. Says he's homing on something and wants to know if his claim will be honored. Christ. Some honch in a cushy office on Earth says go look at a grid reference in the middle of nowhere, we look. They don't say why, and I don't ask. I don't ask because it takes two weeks to get an answer out here and the answer's always 'don't ask.' -Christ. Some honch in a cushy office on Earth says go look at a grid reference in the middle of nowhere, we look. They don't say why, and I don't ask. I don't ask because it takes two weeks to get an answer out here and the answer's always 'don't ask.' So what do I tell this guy? -So what do I tell this guy? Tell him, as far as I'm concerned, he finds something it's his. -And how are we today? Terrible. -Terrible. Just terrible? That's better than yesterday at least. -Just terrible? That's better than yesterday at least. How long have I been on Gateway station? -How long have I been on Gateway station? Just a couple of days. Do you feel up to a visitor? -Bad dreams again? Do you want something to help you sleep? No.. I've slept enough. -What did you say? Newt. My n-name's Newt. Nobody calls me Rebecca except my dork brother. -Casey. She's my only friend. What about me? -I don't want you for a friend. Why not? -Why not? Because you'll be gone soon, like the others. Like everybody. You'll be dead and you'll leave me alone. -They'd be here if they could, honey. I know they would. They're dead. -They're dead. Newt. Look at me...Newt. I won't leave you. I promise. -Newt. Look at me...Newt. I won't leave you. I promise. You promise? -You promise? Cross my heart. -Cross my heart. And hope to die? -I was the best at the game. I knew the whole maze. The 'maze'? You mean the air ducts? -The 'maze'? You mean the air ducts? Yeah, you know. In the walls, under the floor. I was the ace. I could hide better than anybody. -Yeah, you know. In the walls, under the floor. I was the ace. I could hide better than anybody. You're really something, ace. -I guess we're not leaving, right? I'm sorry, Newt. -I'm sorry, Newt. You don't have to be sorry. It wasn't your fault. -Now you just lie here and have a nap. You're exhausted. I don't want to...I have scary dreams. -Ripley...she doesn't have bad dreams because she's just a piece of plastic. Oh. Sorry, Newt. -Oh. Sorry, Newt. My mommy always said there were no monsters. No real ones. But there are. -Yes, there are, aren't there. Why do they tell little kids that? -Well, some kids can't handle it like you can. Did one of those things grow inside her? -I don't know, Newt. That's the truth. Isn't that how babies come? I mean people babies...they grow inside you? -Isn't that how babies come? I mean people babies...they grow inside you? No, it's different, honey. -No, it's different, honey. Did you ever have a baby? -Did you ever have a baby? Yes. A little girl. -Yes. A little girl. Where is she? -Where is she? Gone. -Gone. You mean dead. -Don't go! Please. I'll be right in the other room, Newt. And look...I can see you on that camera right up there. -Newt. Newt, wake up. Wah...? Where are...? -Wah...? Where are...? Sssh. Don't move. We're in trouble. -Mommy...I mean, Ripley...I'm scared. I know, honey. Me too. -Burke! Open the door! Look! -Come on. Crawl faster. DO you know how to get to the landing field from here? -DO you know how to get to the landing field from here? Sure. Go left. -This way. Come on, we're almost there! Newt, wait! -I knew you'd come. Newt, I want you to hang on, now. Hang on tight. -Mommy...Mommy? Right here, baby. Right here. -Are we going to sleep now? That's right. -That's right. Can we dream? -Can we dream? Yes, honey. I think we both can. -Look, I told you... It did not, however, contain any entries concerning the hostile life form you allegedly picked up. -The analysis team which went over your shuttle centimeter by centimeter found no physical evidence of the creature you describe... That's because I blew it out the Goddamn airlock! Like I said. -Look, I can see where this is going. But I'm telling you those things exist. Back on that planetoid is an alien ship and on that ship are thousands of eggs. Thousands. Do you understand? I suggest you find it, using the flight recorder's data. Find it and deal with it -- before one of your survey teams comes back with a little surprise... Thank you, Officer Ripley. That will be... -Thank you, Officer Ripley. That will be... ...because just one of those things managed to kill my entire crew, within twelve hours of hatching... -Why won't you check out LV-426? Because I don't have to. The people who live there checked it out years ago and they never reported and 'hostile organism' or alien ship. And by the way, they call it Acheron now. -Because I don't have to. The people who live there checked it out years ago and they never reported and 'hostile organism' or alien ship. And by the way, they call it Acheron now. What are you talking about. What people? -How many colonists? Sixty, maybe seventy families. -Sixty, maybe seventy families. Sweet Jesus. -A sweetheart or a pretty little wife is Papageno's wish. A willing, billing, lovey dovey Would be My most tasty little dish. Be my most tasty little dish! Be my most tasty little dish! Then that would be eating and drinking I'd live like a Prince without thinking. The wisdom of old would be mine - A woman's much better than wine! Then that would be eating and drinking! The wisdom of old would be mine - A woman's much better than wine. She's much better than wine! She's much better than wine! -Then that would be eating and drinking I'd live like a Prince without thinking. The wisdom of old would be mine - A woman's much better than wine! Then that would be eating and drinking! The wisdom of old would be mine - A woman's much better than wine. She's much better than wine! She's much better than wine! A sweetheart or a pretty little wife is Papageno's wish. A willing, billing, lovey dovey Would be My most tasty little dish. -A sweetheart or a pretty little wife is Papageno's wish. A willing, billing, lovey dovey Would be My most tasty little dish. I need to net one birdie only And I will stop feeling so lonely. But if she won't fly to my aid, Then into a ghost I must fade. I need to net one birdie only But if she won't fly to my aid, Then into a ghost I must fade. To a ghost I must fade! To a ghost I must fade! -I need to net one birdie only And I will stop feeling so lonely. But if she won't fly to my aid, Then into a ghost I must fade. I need to net one birdie only But if she won't fly to my aid, Then into a ghost I must fade. To a ghost I must fade! To a ghost I must fade! A sweetheart or a pretty little wife is Papageno's wish. A willing, billing, lovey dovey Would be My most tasty little dish. -A sweetheart or a pretty little wife is Papageno's wish. A willing, billing, lovey dovey Would be My most tasty little dish. At present the girls only peck me. Their cruelty surely will wreck me. But one little beak in my own, And I'll up to heaven be flown! At present the girls only peck me. But one little beak in my own, And I'll up to heaven be flown. Up to heaven be flown! Up to heaven be flown! -Follow me, please. The Archbishop would like a word. Certainly! -Well, I think that went off remarkably well, don't you? Indeed. -Indeed. These Viennese certainly know good music when they hear it. -These Viennese certainly know good music when they hear it. His Grace is very angry with you. -His Grace is very angry with you. What do you mean? -Maestro. Good morning. -Good morning. Well? How do you like it? It's Turkish. My hairdresser tells me everything's going to be Turkish this year! -Well? How do you like it? It's Turkish. My hairdresser tells me everything's going to be Turkish this year! Really? What else did he tell you today? Give me some gossip. -Really? What else did he tell you today? Give me some gossip. Well, I heard you met Herr Mozart. -Well, I heard you met Herr Mozart. Oh? News travels fast in Vienna. -Oh? News travels fast in Vienna. And he's been commissioned to write an opera. Is it true? -And he's been commissioned to write an opera. Is it true? Yes. -Yes. Is there a part for me? -Is there a part for me? No. -No. How do you know? -How do you know? Well even if there is, I don't think you want to get involved with this one. -Well even if there is, I don't think you want to get involved with this one. Why not? -Why not? Well, do you know where it's set, my dear? -Well, do you know where it's set, my dear? Where? -Where? In a harem. -In a harem. What's that? -What's that? A brothel. -A brothel. Oh! -Oh! A Turkish brothel. -A Turkish brothel. Turkish? Oh, if it's Turkish, that's different. I want to be in it. -Turkish? Oh, if it's Turkish, that's different. I want to be in it. My dear, it will hardly enhance your reputation to be celebrated throughout Vienna as a singing prostitute for a Turk. -Oh. Well perhaps you could introduce us anyway. Perhaps. -What does he look like? You might be disappointed. -You might be disappointed. Why? -Why? Looks and talent don't always go together, Katherina. -Looks and talent don't always go together, Katherina. Looks don't concern me, Maestro. Only talent interests a woman of taste. -Did you know? Had you heard? What? -What? The marriage! -The marriage! Well, what does it matter to you? -Well, what does it matter to you? Nothing! He can marry who he pleases. I don't give a damn. -How was I? Tell me honestly. You were sublime. -You were sublime. What did you think of the music? -What did you think of the music? Extremely clever. -Extremely clever. Meaning you didn't like it. -Katherina! I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to write another aria for you. Something even more amazing for the second act. I have to get some water. Her mother is lying on the stage. Don't bother! -Don't bother! What? -What? Don't bother. -Don't bother. I'll be right back. -Oh - excuse me! Is her mother still lying on the floor? -Is her mother still lying on the floor? No, she's fine. -No, she's fine. I'm so relieved. -Is she a good fuck? What?? -What?? I assume she's the virtuoso in that department. There can't be any other reason you'd marry someone like that. -No, no, no, no. You can't take him away now. This is his night. Won't you introduce us, Wolfgang? Excuse us, Fraulein. Good night, Signore. -No! I won't have him back. But he needs to be here in Salzburg, Your Grace. He needs me and he needs you. Your protection, your understanding. -But he needs to be here in Salzburg, Your Grace. He needs me and he needs you. Your protection, your understanding. Hardly. -Hardly. Oh sir, yes! He's about to make the worst mistake of his life. Some little Viennese slut is trying to trick him into marriage. I know my son. He is too simple to see the trap - and there is no one there who really cares for him. -Oh sir, yes! He's about to make the worst mistake of his life. Some little Viennese slut is trying to trick him into marriage. I know my son. He is too simple to see the trap - and there is no one there who really cares for him. I'm not surprised. Money seems to be more important to him than loyalty or friendship. He has sold himself to Vienna. Let Vienna look out for him. -I'm not surprised. Money seems to be more important to him than loyalty or friendship. He has sold himself to Vienna. Let Vienna look out for him. Sir - -Sir - Your son is an unprincipled, spoiled, conceited brat. -Your son is an unprincipled, spoiled, conceited brat. Yes, sir, that's the truth. But don't blame him. The fault is mine. I was too indulgent with him. But not again. Never again, I promise! I implore you - let me bring him back here. I'll make him give his word to serve you faithfully. -Yes, sir, that's the truth. But don't blame him. The fault is mine. I was too indulgent with him. But not again. Never again, I promise! I implore you - let me bring him back here. I'll make him give his word to serve you faithfully. And how will you make him keep it? -And how will you make him keep it? Oh, sir, he's never disobeyed me in anything. Please, Your Grace, give him one more chance. -Oh, sir, he's never disobeyed me in anything. Please, Your Grace, give him one more chance. You have leave to try. -You have leave to try. Oh, Your Grace - I thank Your Grace! I thank you! -Why what, sir? Why do I have to be humiliated in front of my guests by one of my own servants? -Why do I have to be humiliated in front of my guests by one of my own servants? Humiliated? -Humiliated? How much provocation am I to endure from you? The more license I allow you, the more you take. -If His Grace is not satisfied with me, he can dismiss me. I wish you to return immediately to Salzburg. Your father is waiting for you there patiently. I will speak to you further when I come. -I wish you to return immediately to Salzburg. Your father is waiting for you there patiently. I will speak to you further when I come. No, Your Grace! I mean with all humility, no. I would rather you dismissed me. It's obvious I don't satisfy. -No, Your Grace! I mean with all humility, no. I would rather you dismissed me. It's obvious I don't satisfy. Then try harder, Mozart. I have no intention of dismissing you. You will remain in my service and learn your place. Go now. -Don Giovannnnnnnni! Who the devil are you? What do you want? -Who the devil are you? What do you want? I've come to dinnnnnner! -I've come to dinnnnnner! Dinner? How dare you? I am a nobleman. I only dine with people of my own height. -Dinner? How dare you? I am a nobleman. I only dine with people of my own height. Are you drunk? You invited me. And my horse. Here he is. Ottavio! -In the pot, I have got a good dinner. Not a sausage or stew, but a singer. Not a sausage or stew but a singer. Is the treat that I'll eat for my meat! Oh shut up. I'm sick to death of that tune. -What is it? I want to go! -I want to go! Where? -Where? I want to go back to Vienna. -I want to go back to Vienna. Now? -Now? Yes! -Yes! Why? -Why? I feel wrong. I feel wrong being here. -I feel wrong. I feel wrong being here. What are you talking about? -Stop it! I am! I am! I'm stopping it - slowly. You see! Look, I've stopped. Now we are going back. -No! No! No! Yes! Back! Back! Listen - don't you know where you are? -Yes! Back! Back! Listen - don't you know where you are? Where? -Where? We are in the Residence of the Fartsbishop of Salzburg. -We are in the Residence of the Fartsbishop of Salzburg. Fartsbishop! -Your Grace, I've got something to tell you. I want to complain about this man. Go ahead, tell him. Tell them all. They won't understand you anyway. -Go ahead, tell him. Tell them all. They won't understand you anyway. Why not? -Why not? Because here everything goes backwards. People walk backwards, dance backwards, sing backwards, and talk backwards. -Because here everything goes backwards. People walk backwards, dance backwards, sing backwards, and talk backwards. That's stupid. -That's stupid. Why? People fart backwards. -Why? People fart backwards. Do you think that's funny? -Do you think that's funny? Yes, I think it's brilliant. You've been doing it for years. -Oh, ha, ha, ha. Sra-I'm-sick! Sra-I'm sick! -Sra-I'm-sick! Sra-I'm sick! Yes, you are. You're very sick. -Yes, you are. You're very sick. No, no. Say it backwards, shit-wit. Sra-I'm-sick Say it backwards! -No, no. Say it backwards, shit-wit. Sra-I'm-sick Say it backwards! Sra-I'm-sick. Sick - kiss I'm - my Kiss my! Sra-I'm-sick - Kiss my arse! -Sra-I'm-sick. Sick - kiss I'm - my Kiss my! Sra-I'm-sick - Kiss my arse! Em iram! Em iram! -Em iram! Em iram! No, I'm not playing this game. -No, I'm not playing this game. No, this is serious. Say it backwards. -No, this is serious. Say it backwards. No! -No! Just say it - you'll see. It's very serious. Em iram! Em iram! -Just say it - you'll see. It's very serious. Em iram! Em iram! Iram - marry Em - marry me! No, no! You're a fiend. I'm not going to marry a fiend. A dirty fiend at that. -Iram - marry Em - marry me! No, no! You're a fiend. I'm not going to marry a fiend. A dirty fiend at that. Ui-vol-i-tub! -Ui-vol-i-tub! Tub - but i-tub - but I vol - love but I love ui - You. I love you! -Tish-I'm tee. What's that? What? -What? Tish-I'm-tee. -Tish-I'm-tee. Eat -Eat Yes. -Yes. Eat my - ah! -Excuse me, Wolfi. Mama is not feeling very well. Can we leave now? Of course. -I think you're mad! You're really mad! Oh, leave me alone. -Oh, leave me alone. One royal pupil and the whole of Vienna will come flocking. We'd be set up for life! -One royal pupil and the whole of Vienna will come flocking. We'd be set up for life! They'll come anyway. They love me here. -They'll come anyway. They love me here. No, they will not. I know how things work in this city. -No, they will not. I know how things work in this city. Oh yes? You always know everything. -Oh yes? You always know everything. Well, I'm not borrowing any more money from my mother, and that's that! -Well, I'm not borrowing any more money from my mother, and that's that! You borrowed money from your mother? -You borrowed money from your mother? Yes! -Yes! Well, don't do that again! -Well, don't do that again! How are we going to live, Wolfi? Do you want me to go into the streets and beg? -How are we going to live, Wolfi? Do you want me to go into the streets and beg? Don't be stupid. -Don't be stupid. All they want to see is your work. What's wrong with that? -All they want to see is your work. What's wrong with that? Shut up! Just shut up! I don't need them. -Shut up! Just shut up! I don't need them. This isn't pride. It's sheer stupidity! -Stop it now. Stop it. I've brought some friends to meet you. They're next door waiting. Do we have anything to eat? They're all starving. Tell them to go away. I don't want to see anybody. -Tell them to go away. I don't want to see anybody. What's the matter with you? -What's the matter with you? Tell them to go! -Tell them to go! Sssh. What is it? Tell me. -Sssh. What is it? Tell me. No! -No! Yes! -Yes! I love you! I love you! -My Stanzi - look at her! Isn't she beautiful? Come on now, confess, Papa. Could you want a prettier girl for a daughter? Stop it, Wolfi. I look dreadful. Welcome to our house, Herr Mozart. -Stop it, Wolfi. I look dreadful. Welcome to our house, Herr Mozart. He's not Herr Mozart. Call him Papa. -May I offer you some tea, Herr Mozart? Tea? Who wants tea? Let's go out! This calls for a feast. You don't want tea, Papa. Let's go dancing. Papa loves parties, don't you? -Tea? Who wants tea? Let's go out! This calls for a feast. You don't want tea, Papa. Let's go dancing. Papa loves parties, don't you? Wolfi! -Wolfi! What? How can you be so boring? Tea! -What? How can you be so boring? Tea! Wolfi, I think your father's tired. I'll cook us something here. -There's a young girl to see you. What does she want? -What does she want? I don't know. -I don't know. Well, ask her! -Well, ask her! She won't talk to me. She says she has to speak to you. -She won't talk to me. She says she has to speak to you. Oh, damn! -Look, old man, you stay out of this. We spend a fortune on you, more than we can possibly afford, and all you do is criticize, morning to night. And then you think you can - Stanzi! -Stanzi! No, it's right he should hear. I'm sick to death of it. We can't do anything right for you, can we? -We'll have a little party. Come in. Come in. You know Herr Schikaneder? This is! a very nice girl. Wolfi. -Wolfi. Yes, my love? -Yes, my love? These gentlemen are from Salzburg. -These gentlemen are from Salzburg. Salzburg. We were just talking about Salzburg. If you've come from my friend the Fartsbishop, you've arrived at just the right moment. Because I've got good news for him. I'm done with Vienna. It's over, finished, done with! Done with! Done with! -Salzburg. We were just talking about Salzburg. If you've come from my friend the Fartsbishop, you've arrived at just the right moment. Because I've got good news for him. I'm done with Vienna. It's over, finished, done with! Done with! Done with! Wolfi! Your father is dead. -Wolfi! Your father is dead. What? -What? Your father is dead. -Half the receipts! Stanzi! I'm talking about now. How much will you give him now? Down payment? -You're not going to do this? Why not? Half the house! -Why not? Half the house! When? We need money now. Either he pays now, or you don't do it. -When? We need money now. Either he pays now, or you don't do it. Oh, Stanzi. -Oh, Stanzi. I don't trust this man. And I didn't like what he did with your opera. It was common. -I don't trust this man. And I didn't like what he did with your opera. It was common. Well, you liked it, didn't you? Monkey-flunki-punki. -Well, you liked it, didn't you? Monkey-flunki-punki. Half the house! You'll never see a penny. I want it here, in my hand. -Half the house! You'll never see a penny. I want it here, in my hand. Stanzi-manzi, I'll put it in your hand! -Stanzi-manzi, I'll put it in your hand! Shut up! I'll not let you put anything in my hand until I see some money. -Who was that? No one. -No one. I heard voices. -What's that? Oh! Who gave you this? How much is it? Wolfi, who gave you this? I'm not telling you. -I'm not telling you. Why not? -Why not? You'd think I was mad. -No. Don't answer it! Why? -This is my wife, Stanzi. I've been sick, but I'm all right now. Aren't I? Oh yes, sir. He's all right. And he's working on it very hard. -Oh yes, sir. He's all right. And he's working on it very hard. Give me two more weeks. Please. -Give me one reason I can understand. I can't write it! -I can't write it! Why not? -Why not? It's killing me. -Go back to bed. Please! Let me sit here. Let me stay here with you. I promise I won't say all word. I'll just be here, so you know no one's going to hurt you. Please, please! -Excellency! Madame. How can I help you? -Frau Mozart? That's right, Your Excellency. I've come on behalf of my hus band. I'm - I'm bringing some samples of his work so he can be considered for the royal appointment. -That's right, Your Excellency. I've come on behalf of my hus band. I'm - I'm bringing some samples of his work so he can be considered for the royal appointment. How charming. But why did he not come himself? -How charming. But why did he not come himself? He's terribly busy, sir. -He's terribly busy, sir. I understand. -I will look at them, of course, the moment I can. It will be an honour. Please give him my warmest. Would it be too much trouble, sir, to ask you to look at them now? While I wait. -Would it be too much trouble, sir, to ask you to look at them now? While I wait. I'm afraid I'm not at leisure this very moment. Just leave them with me. I assure you they will be quite safe. -I'm afraid I'm not at leisure this very moment. Just leave them with me. I assure you they will be quite safe. I - I really cannot do that, Your Excellency. You see, he doesn't know I'm here. -I - I really cannot do that, Your Excellency. You see, he doesn't know I'm here. Really? -Really? My husband is a proud man, sir. He would be furious if he knew I'd come. -My husband is a proud man, sir. He would be furious if he knew I'd come. Then he didn't send you? -Then he didn't send you? No, sir. This is my own idea. -No, sir. This is my own idea. I see. -I see. Sir, we really need this job. We're desperate. My husband spends far more than he can ever earn. I don't mean he's lazy - he's not at all - he works all day long. It's just! he's not practical. Money simply slips through his fingers, it's really ridiculous, Your Excellency. I know you help musicians. You're famous for it. Give him just this one post. We'd be forever indebted! -Thank you very much, Your Excellency. Don't keep calling me that. It puts me at such a distance. I was not born a Court Composer, you know. I'm from a small town, just like your husband. -Are you sure you can't leave that music, and come back again? I have other things you might like. That's very tempting, but it's impossible, I'm afraid. Wolfi would be frantic if he found those were missing. You see, they're all originals. -That's very tempting, but it's impossible, I'm afraid. Wolfi would be frantic if he found those were missing. You see, they're all originals. Originals? -Originals? Yes. -These are originals? Yes, sir. He doesn't make copies. -It is miraculous. Oh yes. He's really proud of his work. -Tomorrow night I dine with the Emperor. One word from me and the post is his. Oh, thank you, sir! -Come back tonight. Tonight? -Tonight? Alone. -Alone. What for? -What for? Some service deserves service in return. No? -Some service deserves service in return. No? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Isn't it obvious? -It's a post all Vienna seeks. If you want it for your husband, come tonight. But! I'm a married woman! -But! I'm a married woman! Then don't. It's up to you. Not to be vague, that is the price. -I do apologize for this afternoon. I behaved like a silly girl. Where shall we go? What? -What? Should we stay here? It's a charming room. I love these candlesticks. Were they here earlier? I didn't notice them I suppose I was too nervous. -What are you doing here? Your husband is ill, ma'am. He took sick. I brought him home. -Your husband is ill, ma'am. He took sick. I brought him home. Why you? -Why you? I was at hand. -I was at hand. Well, thank you very much. You can go now. -Well, thank you very much. You can go now. He needs me, ma'am. -He needs me, ma'am. No, he doesn't. And I don't want you here. Just go, please. -No, he doesn't. And I don't want you here. Just go, please. He asked me to stay. -He asked me to stay. And I'm asking you - -This is not his handwriting. No. I was assisting him. He asked me. -No. I was assisting him. He asked me. He's not going to work on this anymore. It is making him ill. Please. -I regret we have no servants to show you out, Herr Salieri. Respect my wish and go. Madame, I will respect his. He asked me to stay here. -How much will you pay him? Ah. Well. Ah, I see you've got your manager with you. Well, Madame, how about half the receipts? -Am I interrupting something? Not at all. -Not at all. Where's our friend? -Where's our friend? He's not in. But he's working on it. He said to tell you. -He's not in. But he's working on it. He said to tell you. I hope so. I need it immediately. -Look, you little clown, do you know how many people I've hired for you? Do you know how many people are waiting? Leave him alone! -Leave him alone! I'm paying these people. Do you realize that? -I'm paying these people. Do you realize that? He's doing his best. -He's doing his best. I'm paying people just to wait for you. It's ridiculous! -I'm paying people just to wait for you. It's ridiculous! You know what's ridiculous? Your libretto, that's what's ridiculous. Only an idiot would ask Wolfi to work on that stuff! -You know what's ridiculous? Your libretto, that's what's ridiculous. Only an idiot would ask Wolfi to work on that stuff! Oh yes? And what's so intelligent about writing a Requiem? -Oh yes? And what's so intelligent about writing a Requiem? Money! Money! -Money! Money! You're mad! She's mad, Wolfi. -You're mad! She's mad, Wolfi. Oh yes, and who are you? He's worked for Kings. For the Emperor. Who are you? -I see that you're expecting. Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. When, may I ask? -When, may I ask? In three months! Papa. -What is ridiculous? Wolfi has many admirers in Vienna. They love him here. People send us gifts all the time. But you can't take her without reference. It's unheard of! -But you can't take her without reference. It's unheard of! Well, this is none of your business. Whoever sent you is going to pay, no? -And so you do! The only time you come out is to eat. And what do you expect? Who wants to walk out into a mess like this every day? -And what do you expect? Who wants to walk out into a mess like this every day? Oh, now I'm a bad housekeeper! -Oh, now I'm a bad housekeeper! So you are! The place is a pigsty all the time. -So you are! The place is a pigsty all the time. Do you hear him? Do you? -Be careful! Be careful! -He's adorable! Adorable! -Behold! Behold! -Hey! Hey! -Behold! Behold! -Let us pass, please! Let us pass at once! We're with the Emperor. I am sorry, Madame. It is not permitted. -I am sorry, Madame. It is not permitted. Do you know who I am? This is my daughter. I am Frau Weber. We are favoured guests! -Do you know who I am? This is my daughter. I am Frau Weber. We are favoured guests! I am sorry, Madame, but I have my orders. -I am sorry, Madame, but I have my orders. Call Herr Mozart! You call Herr Mozart immediately! This is insupportable! -I am sorry, Madame, but no! I cannot let anyone pass. Young man, I am no stranger to theatres. I'm no stranger to insolence! -Upstairs. Gertrude! -Gertrude! You can't be Herr Mozart! -I've heard about you for ages! I thought you must be an old man. Gertrude! -Gertrude! It's such an honour for us to have you here, Herr Mozart. And for Gertrude. -It's such an honour for us to have you here, Herr Mozart. And for Gertrude. People who know say the girl's got talent. You must judge for yourself. If you think she stinks, say so. -People who know say the girl's got talent. You must judge for yourself. If you think she stinks, say so. Michael, please! I'm sure you will find her most willing, Herr Mozart. She's really very excited. She's been preparing all morning. -I said play! Michael! -What a strange young man. Yes. He is a little strange. -Really? Ah, now! Here she comes. -Perhaps a little refreshment first? A little coffee, or a little chocolate? I'd like a little wine, if you have it. -I'd like a little wine, if you have it. Wine? -Just one year. Who was your teacher? -Who was your teacher? I was. But she quite outgrew the little I could show her. -I was. But she quite outgrew the little I could show her. Thank you, Madame. Come on now - courage. Play me something you know. -I think it is an interesting notion to keep Mozart in Vienna, Majesty. It should really infuriate the Archbishop beyond measure - if that is your Majesty's intention. You are cattivo, Court Composer. I want to meet this young man. Chamberlain, arrange a pleasant welcome for him. -What a charming idea. May I see? It's just a trifle, of course. -It's just a trifle, of course. May I try it? -May I try it? Majesty. -Delightful, Court Composer. Would you permit me to play it as he comes in? You do me too much honour, Sire. -You do me too much honour, Sire. Let's have some fun. Bring in Herr Mozart, please. But slowly, slowly. I need a minute to practice. -A-flat, Majesty. Ah-ha! -And here is our illustrious Court Composer, Herr Salieri. Finally! Such an immense joy. Diletto straordinario! -My pleasure. Well, there it is. Now to business. Young man, we are going to commission an opera from you. What do you say? -Well, I'm glad to hear that. Excuse me, Sire, but what do you think these could be? Being a foreigner, I would love to learn. -Excuse me, Sire, but what do you think these could be? Being a foreigner, I would love to learn. Cattivo again, Court Composer. Well, tell him, Mozart. Name us a German virtue. -Good morning, Court Composer. This is my niece, the Princess Elizabeth. Your Highness. -Oh, Your Majesty, it would be such a tremendous honour! I'm thinking about Herr Mozart. What is your view? -An interesting idea, Majesty. But - Yes? -Yes? You already commissioned an opera from Mozart. -You already commissioned an opera from Mozart. And the result satisfies. -And the result satisfies. Yes, of course. My concern is to protect you from any suspicion of favouritism. -Yes, of course. My concern is to protect you from any suspicion of favouritism. Ah-ha. Favouritism. But I so want Mozart. -Ah-ha. Favouritism. But I so want Mozart. I'm sure there is a way, Majesty. Some kind of a little contest. I could perhaps put together a small Committee, and I could see to it naturally that it will select according to Your Majesty's wishes. -I'm sure there is a way, Majesty. Some kind of a little contest. I could perhaps put together a small Committee, and I could see to it naturally that it will select according to Your Majesty's wishes. You please me, Court Composer. A very clever idea. -You please me, Court Composer. A very clever idea. Sire. -Sire. Well. There it is. -I don't think you understand me, Court Composer. Majesty, I did. Believe me, it was a most agonizing. decision. But finally, I simply could not recommend Herr Mozart. -Majesty, I did. Believe me, it was a most agonizing. decision. But finally, I simply could not recommend Herr Mozart. Why not? -Why not? Well, Sire, I made some inquiries in a routine way. I was curious to know why he had so few pupils. It is rather alarming. -Well, Sire, I made some inquiries in a routine way. I was curious to know why he had so few pupils. It is rather alarming. Oh? -Majesty, I don't like to talk against a fellow musician. Of course not. -Of course not. I have to tell you, Mozart is not entirely to be trusted alone with young ladies. -I have to tell you, Mozart is not entirely to be trusted alone with young ladies. Really? -Really? As a matter of fact, one of my own pupils - a very young singer - told me she was - er - well! -As a matter of fact, one of my own pupils - a very young singer - told me she was - er - well! Yes? -Yes? Molested, Majesty. Twice, in the course of the same lesson. -Do you like this, Salieri? It is not a question of liking, Your Majesty. Your own law decrees it, I'm afraid. -It is not a question of liking, Your Majesty. Your own law decrees it, I'm afraid. Well, look at them. -Your Majesty! No, no, please! It is not a holy relic. You know we have met already? In this very room. Perhaps you won't remember it, you were only six years old. He was giving the most brilliant little concert here. As he got off the stool, he slipped and fell. My sister Antoinette helped him up herself, and do you know what he did? Jumped straight into her arms and said, Will you marry me, yes or no? -Oh, thank you. The Director of our Opera. Count Orsini-Rosenberg. -The Director of our Opera. Count Orsini-Rosenberg. Oh sir, yes! The honour is mine. Absolutely. -And now he has returned the compliment. Herr Salieri composed that March of Welcome for you. Really? Oh, grazie, Signore! Sono commosso! E un onore per mo eccezionale. Compositore brilliante e famossissimo! -Majesty! Did we vote in the end for German or Italian? -Why so? Because I've already found the most wonderful libretto! -Well, what is it about? Tell us the story. It's actually quite amusing, Majesty. It's set - the whole thing is set in a - in a - -Yes, where? In a Pasha's Harem, Majesty. A Seraglio. -In a Pasha's Harem, Majesty. A Seraglio. Ah-ha. -Keep it, Sire, if you want to. It is already here in my head. What? On one hearing only? -What? On one hearing only? I think so, Sire, yes. -It is new, it is, isn't it, Sire? Yes, indeed. -Yes, indeed. And German? -And German? Oh, yes. Absolutely. German. Unquestionably! -Oh, yes. Absolutely. German. Unquestionably! So then you like it? You really like it, Your Majesty? -So then you like it? You really like it, Your Majesty? Of course I do. It's very good. Of course now and then - just now and then - it gets a touch elaborate. -Of course I do. It's very good. Of course now and then - just now and then - it gets a touch elaborate. What do you mean, Sire? -What do you mean, Sire? Well, I mean occasionally it seems to have, how shall one say? How shall one say, Director? -I don't understand. There are just as many notes, Majesty, as are required. Neither more nor less. My dear fellow, there are in fact only so many notes the ear can hear in the course of an evening. I think I'm right in saying that, aren't I, Court Composer? -My dear, young man, don't take it too hard. Your work is ingenious. It's quality work. And there are simply too many notes, that's all. Cut a few and it will be perfect. Which few did you have in mind, Majesty? -Majesty, this is Madame Weber. She is my landlady. Enchanted, Madame. -Really? How delightful. May I ask when you marry? Well - Well we haven't quite received my father's consent, Your Majesty. Not entirely. Not altogether. -Excuse me, but how old are you? Twenty-six. -Twenty-six. Well, my advice is to marry this charming young lady and stay with us in Vienna. -Bravo, Mozart. Most charming. Yes, indeed. Clever man. Thank you, Sire! -Majesty, may I ask you to do me the greatest favour? What is it? -What is it? May I introduce my father? He is on a short visit here and returning very soon to Salzburg. He would so much like to kiss your hand. It would make his whole stay so memorable for him. -May I introduce my father? He is on a short visit here and returning very soon to Salzburg. He would so much like to kiss your hand. It would make his whole stay so memorable for him. Ah! By all means. -Mozart, are you aware I have declared the French play of Figaro unsuitable for our theatre? Yes, Sire. -Yes, Sire. Yet we hear you are making an opera from it. Is this true? -Yet we hear you are making an opera from it. Is this true? Who told you this, Majesty? -Who told you this, Majesty? It is not your place to ask questions. Is it true? -It is not your place to ask questions. Is it true? Well, yes, I admit it is. -Well, yes, I admit it is. Would you tell me why? -Would you tell me why? Well, Majesty, it is only a comedy. -Mozart, I am a tolerant man. I do not censor things lightly. When I do, I have good reason. Figaro is a bad play. It stirs up hatred between the classes. In France it has caused nothing but bitterness. My own dear sister Antoinette writes me that she is beginning to be frightened of her own people. I do not wish to see the same fears starting here. Sire, I swear to Your Majesty, there's nothing like that in the story. I have taken out everything that could give offense. I hate politics. -Sire, I swear to Your Majesty, there's nothing like that in the story. I have taken out everything that could give offense. I hate politics. I think you are rather innocent, my friend. In these dangerous times I cannot afford to provoke our nobles or our people simply over a theatre piece. -But, Majesty, this is just a frolic. It's a piece about love. Ah, love again. -Ah, love again. But it's new, it's entirely new. It's so new, people will go mad for it. For example, I have a scene in the second act - it starts as a duet, just a man and wife quarreling. Suddenly the wife's scheming little maid comes in unexpectedly - a very funny situation. Duet turns into trio. Then the husband's equally screaming valet comes in. Trio turns into quartet. Then a stupid old gardener - quartet becomes quintet, and so on. On and on, sextet, septet, octet! How long do you think I can sustain that? -But it's new, it's entirely new. It's so new, people will go mad for it. For example, I have a scene in the second act - it starts as a duet, just a man and wife quarreling. Suddenly the wife's scheming little maid comes in unexpectedly - a very funny situation. Duet turns into trio. Then the husband's equally screaming valet comes in. Trio turns into quartet. Then a stupid old gardener - quartet becomes quintet, and so on. On and on, sextet, septet, octet! How long do you think I can sustain that? I have no idea. -I have no idea. Guess! Guess, Majesty. Imagine the longest time such a thing could last, then double it. -Guess! Guess, Majesty. Imagine the longest time such a thing could last, then double it. Well, six or seven minutes! maybe eight! -Well, six or seven minutes! maybe eight! Twenty, sire! How about twenty? Twenty minutes of continuous music. No recitatives. -Forgive me, Majesty. I'm a vulgar man. But I assure you, my music is not. You are passionate, Mozart! But you do not persuade. -You are passionate, Mozart! But you do not persuade. Sire, the whole opera is finished. Do you know how much work went into it? -Ah-ha. Well then, we should make some effort to acquire him. We could use a good German composer in Vienna, surely? I agree, Majesty, but I'm afraid it's not possible. The young man is still in the pay of the Archbishop. -I agree, Majesty, but I'm afraid it's not possible. The young man is still in the pay of the Archbishop. Very small pay, I imagine. I'm sure he could be tempted with the right offer. Say, an opera in German for our National Theatre. -Ah-ha. What do you say, Chamberlain? In my opinion, it is time we had a piece in our own language, sir. Plain German. For plain people. -Yes, sir. Well. There it is. -Well, what do you have for me today? Your Majesty, Herr Mozart - -Your Majesty, Herr Mozart - Yes, what about him? -Yes, what about him? He's here. -He's here. Ah-ha. Well. There it is. Good. -I write to you with urgent news. I am coming to Vienna. Take no further steps toward marriage until we meet. You are too gullible to see your own danger. As you honour the father who has devoted his entire life to yours, do as I bid, and await my coming. I will. -Why are you here? Am I not welcome? -Am I not welcome? Of course, welcome! Welcome ten thousand times. Papa! my Papa! -Feed? Well, of course she feeds me. She stuffs me like a goose all day long. She's the best cook in the world. I mean, since Mama. Just wait, you'll see. Is she not here? -Is she not here? I don't know. Stanzi? Stanzi! -Do you always live like this? Oh, yes. Oh, I mean no - not exactly like this. I mean today - just today, Stanzi - I remember now. She had to go - yes! She had to help her mother. Yes, she's like that. Her mother's a very sweet woman, you'll see. -She's very tired, poor creature. You know me: I'm a real pig. It's not so easy cleaning up after me. Don't you have a maid? -Don't you have a maid? Oh we could, if we wanted to, but Stanzi won't hear of it. She wants to do everything herself. -Oh we could, if we wanted to, but Stanzi won't hear of it. She wants to do everything herself. How is your financial situation? -How is your financial situation? It couldn't be better. -It couldn't be better. That's not what I hear. -That's not what I hear. What do you mean? It's wonderful. Really, it's - it's marvelous! People love me here. -What do you mean? It's wonderful. Really, it's - it's marvelous! People love me here. They say you're in debt. -They say you're in debt. Who? Who says that? Now that's a malicious lie! -Who? Who says that? Now that's a malicious lie! How many pupils do you have? -How many pupils do you have? Pupils? -Pupils? Yes. -Yes. Yes. -Yes. How many? -How many? I don't know. It's not important. I mean, I don't want pupils. They get in the way. I've got to have time for composition. -I don't know. It's not important. I mean, I don't want pupils. They get in the way. I've got to have time for composition. Composition doesn't pay. You know that. -Composition doesn't pay. You know that. This one will. -What's that? Oh, let's not talk about it. -Oh, let's not talk about it. Why not? -Why not? It's a secret. -It's a secret. You don't have secrets from me. -You don't have secrets from me. It's too dangerous, Papa. But they're going to love it. Ah, there she is! -Isn't that marvelous? We're delighted. Why didn't you mention it in your letters? -Why didn't you mention it in your letters? Didn't I? I thought I did. I'm sure I did. -Thank you. That'll be fine. Don't spend any money on me. Why not? Oh, come, Papa! What better way could I spend it than on you? My kissable, missable, suddenly visible Papa! -No, really! This is just a game, Papa. -Yes, Papa, name it. Name it. I'll do anything you say! I want you to come back with me to Salzburg, my son. -I'm tired of this game. Please play without me. But my penalty. I've got to have a penalty. -Papa, is this your idea? Mine? -Are you playing a trick on me? I never saw this girl in my life. Is this a kind of joke? -Never mind. You won't have to do anything for me ever again. I'm leaving! Papa! -Papa! Don't worry, I'm not staying here to be a burden. -Don't worry, I'm not staying here to be a burden. No one calls you that. -No one calls you that. She does. She says I sleep all day. -Father - Hush! I'm talking to His Majesty. Your Majesty, I wish to express only one thing - that you who are the Father of us all, could teach our children the gratitude they owe to fathers. It is not for nothing that the Fifth Commandment tells us: 'Honour your Father and Mother, that your days may be long upon the earth.' -Ah! Here she comes. Fraulein Lorl, good morning. Good morning, sir. -Good morning, sir. What have you got for me today? Let me see. -Ah-ha! Siena macaroons - my favourites. Give my best thanks to the baker. I will, sir. -Thank you. Are you well today, Fraulein Lorl? Yes, thank you, sir. -Yes, thank you, sir. Bene! Bene! -Madame Cavalieri is here for her lesson, sir. Bene. -Oh, thank you, sir. Do any pupils come to the house? -Do any pupils come to the house? Not that I've seen. -Not that I've seen. Then how does he pay for all this? Does he work at all? -Then how does he pay for all this? Does he work at all? Oh, yes, sir, all day long. He never leaves the house until evening. He just sits there, writing and writing. He doesn't even eat. -Oh, yes, sir, all day long. He never leaves the house until evening. He just sits there, writing and writing. He doesn't even eat. Really? What is it he's writing? -Really? What is it he's writing? Oh, I wouldn't know that, sir. -Oh, I wouldn't know that, sir. Of course not. You're a good girl. You're very kind to do this. Next time you're sure they'll be out of the house, let me know, will you? -I think I've found out about the money, sir. Yes what? -Where does he work? In there, sir. -Now calm yourself. Calm. What's the matter with you? I'm leaving. I'm not working there anymore. I'm scared! -I'm leaving. I'm not working there anymore. I'm scared! Why? What has happened? -Why? What has happened? You don't know what it's like. Herr Mozart frightens me. He drinks all day, then takes all that medicine and it makes him worse. -You don't know what it's like. Herr Mozart frightens me. He drinks all day, then takes all that medicine and it makes him worse. What medicine? -What medicine? I don't know. He has pains. -I don't know. He has pains. Where? -Where? Here, in his stomach. They bend him right over. -Here, in his stomach. They bend him right over. Is he working? -Is he working? I'm frightened, sir. Really! When he speaks, he doesn't make any sense. You know he said he saw - he said he saw his father. And his father's dead. -I'm frightened, sir. Really! When he speaks, he doesn't make any sense. You know he said he saw - he said he saw his father. And his father's dead. Is he working? -Is he working? I suppose so. He sits there all he time, doing some silly opera. -I suppose so. He sits there all he time, doing some silly opera. Opera? Opera! -Opera? Opera! Please don't ask me to go back again. I'm frightened! I'm very, very frightened. -Please don't ask me to go back again. I'm frightened! I'm very, very frightened. Are you sure it's an opera? -Yes? Are you Herr Mozart? -Are you Herr Mozart? That's right. -That's right. My name is Lorl, sir. I'm a maidservant. I was asked to come here and offer my services to you. -My name is Lorl, sir. I'm a maidservant. I was asked to come here and offer my services to you. What? -What? They'll be paid for by a great admirer or yours who wishes to remain anon - anonymous. -Are you saying that someone is paying you to be our maid and doesn't want us to know who he is? Yes. I can live in or out just as you wish. -Sssh! Stanzi-Manzi-Banzi-Wanzi! -Stanzi-Manzi-Banzi-Wanzi! Sssh! Stay here. -What did he say? What did he say? Papa, the rule is you can only give penalties that can be performed in the room. -Well? Sublime! Utterly sublime! -Sublime! Utterly sublime! That kind of music should be punishable by death. -Wonderful! He liked the monkey, didn't you? Yes, well, it's all good fun. -Yes, well, it's all good fun. I liked the horse. -Isn't he marvelous? He cost me a bundle, that horse, but he's worth it. I tell you, if you'd played Don Giovanni here it would have been a great success. I'm not joking. These people aren't fools. You could do something marvelous for them. I'd like to try them someday. I'm not sure I'd be much good at it. -I'd like to try them someday. I'm not sure I'd be much good at it. 'Course you would. You belong here, my boy, not the snobby Court. You could do anything you felt like here - the more fantastic the better! That's what people want, you know: fantasy. You do a big production, fill it with beautiful magic tricks and you'll be absolutely free to do anything you want. Of course, you'd have to put a fire in it, because I've got the best fire machine in the city and a big flood - I can do you the finest water effects you ever saw in your life. Oh, and a few trick animals. You'd have to use those. -'Course you would. You belong here, my boy, not the snobby Court. You could do anything you felt like here - the more fantastic the better! That's what people want, you know: fantasy. You do a big production, fill it with beautiful magic tricks and you'll be absolutely free to do anything you want. Of course, you'd have to put a fire in it, because I've got the best fire machine in the city and a big flood - I can do you the finest water effects you ever saw in your life. Oh, and a few trick animals. You'd have to use those. Animals? -Animals? I tell you I picked up a snake in Dresden last week - twelve foot long - folds up to six inches, just like a paper fan. It's a miracle. -I'm serious. You write a proper part for me with a couple of catchy songs, I'll guarantee you'll have a triumph- de-luxe. Mind you, it'll have to be in German. German! -German! Of course! What else do you think they speak here? -Of course! What else do you think they speak here? No, no, I love that. I'd want it to be in German. I haven't done anything in German since Seraglio. -No, no, I love that. I'd want it to be in German. I haven't done anything in German since Seraglio. So there you are. What do you say? -Leave that alone! Wolfi! -Wolfi! Put it down! -Put it down! What is this? -What is this? Put it down, I said! It's nothing for you. -Put it down, I said! It's nothing for you. Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! What have you got for me? Is it finished? -Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! What have you got for me? Is it finished? What? -What? What? The vaudeville, what'd you think? -What? The vaudeville, what'd you think? Yes. -Yes. Can I see it? -Can I see it? No. -No. Why not? -Why not? Because there's nothing to see. -Look, I asked you if we could start rehearsal next week and you said yes. Well, we can. -Well, we can. So let me see it. Where is it? -Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Down there, damn you. Welcome to you. Pay no attention, they're impossible. Stop it, you willful things! Come this way. Just ignore them. They're perfectly harmless, just willful. I treat them just like my own children. And which one of them do you want me to teach? -And which one of them do you want me to teach? What? Ha-ha! That's funny - I like it. Which one, eh? You're a funny fellow. Hannah! Come this way. -You won't be teaching this one either. She's my wife. Madame. -Madame. This is Herr Mozart, my dear. The young man Herr Salieri recommended to teach our Gertrude. Where is she? -I'm afraid I am. Of course, it's him. Who do you think it is? -Good morning, Fraulein Schlumberg. Strudel, this is Herr Mozart. Say good morning. -Never mind, Strudel. It's part of music, getting used to an audience. Aren't I right, Herr Mozart? Well, yes! on the whole. I suppose. How long have you been playing, Fraulein? -It's a miracle, Herr Mozart! Well, I'm a good teacher. The next time you wish me to instruct another of your dogs, please let me know. Goodbye, Fraulein, goodbye, Madame! goodbye, Sir! -Herr Mozart. What a surprise. What can I do for you? Is my pupil still anxious to learn the art of music? -Is my pupil still anxious to learn the art of music? Well, your pupil is married and living in Mannheim, young man. -Well, your pupil is married and living in Mannheim, young man. Really? Perhaps your dear wife might care to profit from my instruction? -Really? Perhaps your dear wife might care to profit from my instruction? What is this, Mozart? What's the matter with you? -What is this, Mozart? What's the matter with you? Well. Since it appears nobody is eager to hire my services, could you favour me with a little money instead? -Well. Since it appears nobody is eager to hire my services, could you favour me with a little money instead? What for? -What for? If a man cannot earn, he must borrow. -If a man cannot earn, he must borrow. Well, this is hardly the way to go about it. -Well, this is hardly the way to go about it. No doubt, sir. But I am endowed with talent, and you with money. If I offer mine, you should offer yours. -I'm sorry. No. Please. I'll give it back, I promise. Please, sir. -Please. I'll give it back, I promise. Please, sir. My answer is no, Mozart. -I know your work well, Signore. Do you know I actually composed some variations on a melody of yours? Really? -Really? Mio caro Adone. -Mio caro Adone. Ah! -Ah! A funny little tune, but it yielded some good things. -Love, Sire! Ah, love! Well of course in Italy we know nothing about that. -Yes! yes! er, on the whole, yes, Majesty. But this is absurd! -Dear Mozart, my sincere congratulations. Did you like it, then? -Did you like it, then? How could I not? -How could I not? It really is the best music one can hear in Vienna today. Don't you agree? -Herr Mozart, what brings you here? Your Excellency, you requested some specimens of my work. Here they are. I don't have to tell you how much I need your help. I truly appreciate your looking at these. I have pressures on me - financial pressures. As you know, I'm a married man now. -Your Excellency, you requested some specimens of my work. Here they are. I don't have to tell you how much I need your help. I truly appreciate your looking at these. I have pressures on me - financial pressures. As you know, I'm a married man now. So you are. How is your pretty wife? -So you are. How is your pretty wife? She is well. She is - well, actually, I'm about to become a father! She only told me last night. You are the first to know. -She is well. She is - well, actually, I'm about to become a father! She only told me last night. You are the first to know. I'm flattered. And congratulations to you, of course. -I'm flattered. And congratulations to you, of course. So you see, this post is very important to me right now. -Why didn't you come to me yesterday, Mozart? This is a most painful situation. Yesterday I could have helped you. Today, I can't. Why? Here is the music. It's here. I am submitting it humbly. Isn't that what you wanted? -Why? Here is the music. It's here. I am submitting it humbly. Isn't that what you wanted? I have just come from the palace. The post has been filled. -I have just come from the palace. The post has been filled. Filled? That's impossible! They haven't even seen my work. I need this post. Please, can't you help me? Please! -Filled? That's impossible! They haven't even seen my work. I need this post. Please, can't you help me? Please! My dear Mozart, there is no one in the world I would rather help, but now it is too late. -My dear Mozart, there is no one in the world I would rather help, but now it is too late. Whom did they choose? -Whom did they choose? Herr Sommer. -Herr Sommer. Sommer? Herr Sommer? But the man's a fool! He's a total mediocrity. -Sommer? Herr Sommer? But the man's a fool! He's a total mediocrity. No, no, no: he has yet to achieve mediocrity. -No, no, no: he has yet to achieve mediocrity. But I can't lose this post, I simply can't! Excellency, please. Let's go to the palace, and you can explain to the Emperor that Herr Sommer is an awful choice. He could actually do musical harm to the Princess! -But I can't lose this post, I simply can't! Excellency, please. Let's go to the palace, and you can explain to the Emperor that Herr Sommer is an awful choice. He could actually do musical harm to the Princess! An implausible idea. Between you and me, no one in the world could do musical harm to the Princess Elizabeth. -Look, I must have pupils. Without pupils I can't manage. You don't mean to tell me you are living in poverty? -You don't mean to tell me you are living in poverty? No, but I'm broke. I'm always broke. I don't know why. -No, but I'm broke. I'm always broke. I don't know why. It has been said, my friend, that you are inclined to live somewhat above your means. -It has been said, my friend, that you are inclined to live somewhat above your means. How can anyone say that? We have no cook, no maid. We have no footman. Nothing at all! -How can anyone say that? We have no cook, no maid. We have no footman. Nothing at all! How is that possible? You give concerts, don't you? I hear they are quite successful. -How is that possible? You give concerts, don't you? I hear they are quite successful. They're stupendously successful. You can't get a seat. The only problem is none will hire me. They all want to hear me play, but they won't let me teach their daughters. As if I was some kind of fiend. I'm not a fiend! -They're stupendously successful. You can't get a seat. The only problem is none will hire me. They all want to hear me play, but they won't let me teach their daughters. As if I was some kind of fiend. I'm not a fiend! Of course not. -Of course not. Do you have a daughter? -Do you have a daughter? I'm afraid not. -I'm afraid not. Well, could you lend me some money till you have one? Then I'll teach her for free. That's a promise. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being silly. Papa's right - I should put a padlock on my mouth. Seriously, is there any chance you could manage a loan? Only for six months, eight at most. After that I'll be the richest man in Vienna. I'll pay you back double. Anything. Name your terms. I'm not joking. I'm working on something that's going to explode like a bomb all over Europe! -Well, could you lend me some money till you have one? Then I'll teach her for free. That's a promise. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being silly. Papa's right - I should put a padlock on my mouth. Seriously, is there any chance you could manage a loan? Only for six months, eight at most. After that I'll be the richest man in Vienna. I'll pay you back double. Anything. Name your terms. I'm not joking. I'm working on something that's going to explode like a bomb all over Europe! Ah, how exciting! Tell me more. -Ah, how exciting! Tell me more. I'd better not. It's a bit of a secret. -I'd better not. It's a bit of a secret. Come, come, Mozart; I'm interested. Truly. -Come, come, Mozart; I'm interested. Truly. Actually, it's a big secret. Oh, this is delicious! What is it? -Actually, it's a big secret. Oh, this is delicious! What is it? Cream cheese mixed with granulated sugar and suffused with rum. Crema al Mascarpone. -Cream cheese mixed with granulated sugar and suffused with rum. Crema al Mascarpone. Ah. Italian? -Ah. Italian? Forgive me. We all have patriotic feelings of some kind. -Forgive me. We all have patriotic feelings of some kind. Two thousand, two hundred florins is all I need A hundred? Fifty? -Two thousand, two hundred florins is all I need A hundred? Fifty? What exactly are you working on? -What exactly are you working on? I can't say. Really -I can't say. Really I don't think you should become known in Vienna as a debtor, Mozart. However, I know a very distinguished gentleman I could recommend to you. And he has a daughter. Will that do? -Wolfgang, what is it? Sta calmo, per favore. What's the matter? It's unbelievable! The Director has actually ripped out a huge section of my music. Pages of it. -It's unbelievable! The Director has actually ripped out a huge section of my music. Pages of it. Really? Why? -Really? Why? I don't know. They say I've got to re-write the opera, but it's perfect as it is. I can't rewrite what's perfect. Can't you talk to him? -I don't know. They say I've got to re-write the opera, but it's perfect as it is. I can't rewrite what's perfect. Can't you talk to him? Why bother with Orsini-Rosenberg? He's obviously no friend of yours. -Why bother with Orsini-Rosenberg? He's obviously no friend of yours. Oh, I could kill him! I mean really kill him. I actually threw the entire opera on the fire, he made me so angry! -Oh, I could kill him! I mean really kill him. I actually threw the entire opera on the fire, he made me so angry! You burned the score? -You burned the score? Oh no! My wife took it out in time. -Oh no! My wife took it out in time. How fortunate. -How fortunate. It's not fair that a man like that has power over our work. -It's not fair that a man like that has power over our work. But there are those who have power over him. I think I'll take this up with the Emperor. -But there are those who have power over him. I think I'll take this up with the Emperor. Oh, Excellency, would you? -Oh, Excellency, would you? With all my heart, Mozart. -With all my heart, Mozart. Thank you! Oh, thank you. -Nine performances! Nine! That's all it's had - and withdrawn. I know; it's outrageous. Still, if the public doesn't like one's work one has to accept the fact gracefully. -I know; it's outrageous. Still, if the public doesn't like one's work one has to accept the fact gracefully. But what is it they don't like? -But what is it they don't like? Well, I can speak for the Emperor. You made too many demands on the royal ear. The poor man can't concentrate for more than an hour and you gave him four. -Well, I can speak for the Emperor. You made too many demands on the royal ear. The poor man can't concentrate for more than an hour and you gave him four. What did you think of it yourself? Did you like it at all? -What did you think of it yourself? Did you like it at all? I think it's marvelous. Truly. -I think it's marvelous. Truly. It's the best opera yet written. I know it! Why didn't they come? -It's the best opera yet written. I know it! Why didn't they come? I think you overestimate our dear Viennese, my friend. Do you know you didn't even give them a good bang at the end of songs so they knew when to clap? -I think you overestimate our dear Viennese, my friend. Do you know you didn't even give them a good bang at the end of songs so they knew when to clap? I know, I know. Perhaps you should give me some lessons in that. -I know, I know. Perhaps you should give me some lessons in that. I wouldn't presume. All the same, if it wouldn't be imposing, I would like you to see my new piece. It would be a tremendous honour for me. -I wouldn't presume. All the same, if it wouldn't be imposing, I would like you to see my new piece. It would be a tremendous honour for me. Oh no, the honour would be all mine. -Oh no, the honour would be all mine. Grazie, mio caro, Wolfgang! -Grazie, mio caro, Wolfgang! Grazie, a lei, Signor Antonio! -Mozart. It was good of you to come. How could I not? -How could I not? Did my work please you? -Did my work please you? How could it not, Excellency? -How could it not, Excellency? Yes? -Yes? I never knew that music like that was possible. -I never knew that music like that was possible. You flatter me. -You flatter me. Oh no! One hears such sounds and what can one say, but - Salieri! -I have come to commission work from you. What work? -What work? A Mass for the dead. -A Mass for the dead. What dead? Who is dead? -What dead? Who is dead? A man who deserved a Requiem Mass and never got one. -A man who deserved a Requiem Mass and never got one. Who are you? -Who are you? I am only a messenger. Do you accept? You will be paid well. -I am only a messenger. Do you accept? You will be paid well. How much? -How long will you give me? Work fast. And be sure to tell no one what you do. You will see me again soon. -I don't have it yet. It's not finished. I'm sorry, but I need more time. Are you neglecting my request? -Are you neglecting my request? No, no! I promise you, I'll give you a wonderful piece - the best I ever can! -What happened? Is it over? I'm taking you home. You're not well. -I'm taking you home. You're not well. No, no. I have to get back. I have - -Where is your wife? Not here! She's not well, either. She went to the Spa. -Not here! She's not well, either. She went to the Spa. You mean she's not coming back? -You mean she's not coming back? You're so good to me. Truly. Thank you. -You're so good to me. Truly. Thank you. No, please. -No, please. I mean to come to my opera. You are the only colleague who did. -I would never miss anything that you had written. You must know that. This is only a vaudeville. -This is only a vaudeville. Oh no. It is a sublime piece. The grandest operone. I tell you, you are the greatest composer known to me. -Oh no. It is a sublime piece. The grandest operone. I tell you, you are the greatest composer known to me. Do you mean that? -Do you mean that? I do. -I do. I have bad fancies. I don't sleep well anymore. Then I drink too much, and think stupid things. -I have bad fancies. I don't sleep well anymore. Then I drink too much, and think stupid things. Are you ill? -Are you ill? The doctor thinks I am. But - -The doctor thinks I am. But - What? -What? I'm too young to be so sick. -Shall I answer it? No! No, it's him! -No! No, it's him! Who? -Who? The man. He's here. -The man. He's here. What man? -Wait! Ask him if he'd give me some money now. Tell him if he would, that would help me finish it. Finish what? -Finish what? He knows. He knows! -Another? But that's too soon! Tomorrow night? It's impossible! Did he say a hundred? Yes. Can I - could I help you, in any way? -Yes. Can I - could I help you, in any way? Would you? Actually, you could. -Would you? Actually, you could. My dear friend, it would be my greatest pleasure. -My dear friend, it would be my greatest pleasure. But you'd have to swear not to tell a soul. I'm not allowed. -But you'd have to swear not to tell a soul. I'm not allowed. Of course. -Of course. You know, it's all here in my head. It's just ready to be set down. But when I'm dizzy like this my eyes won't focus. I can't write. -You know, it's all here in my head. It's just ready to be set down. But when I'm dizzy like this my eyes won't focus. I can't write. Then, let us try together. I'd regard it as such an honour. Tell me, what is this work? -Then, let us try together. I'd regard it as such an honour. Tell me, what is this work? A Mass. A Mass for the Dead. -Where did I stop? The end of the Recordare - Statuens in parte dextra. -The end of the Recordare - Statuens in parte dextra. So now the Confutatis. Confutatis Maledictis. When the wicked are confounded. Flammis acribus addictis. How would you translate that? -So now the Confutatis. Confutatis Maledictis. When the wicked are confounded. Flammis acribus addictis. How would you translate that? Consigned to flames of woe. -Consigned to flames of woe. Do you believe in it? -Do you believe in it? What? -What? A fire which never dies. Burning one forever? -A fire which never dies. Burning one forever? Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. Strange! -Strange! Come. Let's begin. -Confutatis Maledictis. We ended in F Major? -We ended in F Major? Yes. -Yes. So now - A minor. Suddenly. -The Fire. What time? -What time? Common time. -Start with the voices. Basses first. Second beat of the first measure - A. Con-fu-ta-tis. Second measure, second beat. Ma-le-dic-tis. G-sharp, of course. Yes. -Yes. Third measure, second beat starting on E. Flam-mis a-cri-bus ad-dic-tis. And fourth measure, fourth beat - D. Ma-le-dic-tis, flam-mis a-cri-bus ad- dic-tis. Do you have that? -Third measure, second beat starting on E. Flam-mis a-cri-bus ad-dic-tis. And fourth measure, fourth beat - D. Ma-le-dic-tis, flam-mis a-cri-bus ad- dic-tis. Do you have that? I think so. -I think so. Sing it back. -Good. Now the tenors. Fourth beat of the first measure - C. Con-fu-ta-tis. Second measure, fourth beat on D. Ma-le-dic-tis. All right? Yes. -Yes. Fourth measure, second beat - F. Flam-mis a-cri-bus ad-dic-tis, flam- mis a-cri-bus ad-dic-tis. -Now the orchestra. Second bassoon and bass trombone with the basses. Identical notes and rhythm. The first bassoon and tenor trombone - Please! Just one moment. -It couldn't be simpler. First bassoon and tenor trombone - what? -First bassoon and tenor trombone - what? With the tenors. -With the tenors. Also identical? -Also identical? Exactly. The instruments to go with the voices. Trumpets and timpani, tonic and dominant. -And that's all? Oh no. Now for the Fire. Strings in unison - ostinato on all - like this. -Do you have me? I think so. -I think so. Show me. -That's wonderful! Yes, yes - go on. The Voca Me. Suddenly sotto voce. Write that down: sotto voce, pianissimo. Voca me cum benedictis. Call me among the blessed. -C Major. Sopranos and altos in thirds. Altos on C. Sopranos above. Vo-ca, vo-ca me, vo-ca me cum be-ne- dic-tis. Sopranos up to F on the second 'Voca'? -Sopranos up to F on the second 'Voca'? Yes, and on 'dictis'. -Yes, and on 'dictis'. Yes! -And that's it. Do you have it? You go fast! -You go fast! Do you have it? -Do you have it? Yes. -Yes. Then let me hear it. All of it. The whole thing from the beginning - now! -Do you want to rest a bit? Oh no. I'm not tired at all. -Oh no. I'm not tired at all. We'll stop for just a moment. Then we'll do the Lacrimosa. -We'll stop for just a moment. Then we'll do the Lacrimosa. I can keep going, I assure you. Shall we try? -I can keep going, I assure you. Shall we try? Would you stay with me while I sleep a little? -Would you stay with me while I sleep a little? I'm not leaving you. -I'm not leaving you. I am so ashamed. -I am so ashamed. What for? -What for? I was foolish. I thought you did not care for my work - or me. Forgive me. Forgive me! -Oh? Have I seen it? I - I don't think you have, Herr Director. Not yet. I mean, it's quite n - Of course, I'll show it to you immediately. -I - I don't think you have, Herr Director. Not yet. I mean, it's quite n - Of course, I'll show it to you immediately. I think you'd better. -You mean in Turkey? Exactly. -Exactly. Then why especially does it have to be in German? -Then why especially does it have to be in German? Well not especially. It can be in Turkish, if you really want. I don't care. -What you think, Mozart, is scarcely the point. It is what His Majesty thinks that counts. But, Your Majesty - -That will do, Herr Mozart! Just let me tell you how it begins. -Mozart! Herr Mozart, may I have a word with you please. Right away. Certainly, Herr Director. -Did you not know that His Majesty has expressly forbidden ballet in his operas? Yes, but this is not a ballet. This is a dance at Figaro's wedding. -Yes, but this is not a ballet. This is a dance at Figaro's wedding. Exactly. A dance. -Exactly. A dance. But surely the Emperor didn't mean to prohibit dancing when it's part of the story. -But surely the Emperor didn't mean to prohibit dancing when it's part of the story. It is dangerous for you to interpret His Majesty's edicts. Give me your score, please. -What are you doing, Herr Director? Taking out what you should never have put in. -Can we see the scene with the music back, please? Oh yes, certainly. Certainly, Herr Director! -What is this, Herr Chamberlain? What is what? -What is what? Why do I have to submit samples of my work to some stupid committee? Just to teach a sixteen-year-old girl. -Why do I have to submit samples of my work to some stupid committee? Just to teach a sixteen-year-old girl. Because His Majesty wishes it. -Because His Majesty wishes it. Is the Emperor angry with me? -Is the Emperor angry with me? On the contrary. -On the contrary. Then why doesn't he simply appoint me to the post? -Then why doesn't he simply appoint me to the post? Mozart, you are not the only composer in Vienna. -Mozart, you are not the only composer in Vienna. No, but I'm the best. -No, but I'm the best. A little modesty would suit you better. -A little modesty would suit you better. Who is on this committee? -Who is on this committee? Kapellmeister Bonno, Count Orsini- Rosenberg and Court Composer Salieri. -Kapellmeister Bonno, Count Orsini- Rosenberg and Court Composer Salieri. Naturally, the Italians! Of course! Always the Italians! -Naturally, the Italians! Of course! Always the Italians! Mozart - -Mozart - They hate my music. It terrifies them. The only sound Italians understand is banality. Tonic and dominant, tonic and dominant, from here to Resurrection! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Anything else is morbid. -They hate my music. It terrifies them. The only sound Italians understand is banality. Tonic and dominant, tonic and dominant, from here to Resurrection! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Anything else is morbid. Mozart - -Mozart - Show them one interesting modulation and they faint. Ohime! Morbidezza! Morbidezza! Italians are musical idiots and you want them to judge my music! -Show them one interesting modulation and they faint. Ohime! Morbidezza! Morbidezza! Italians are musical idiots and you want them to judge my music! Look, young man, the issue is simple. If you want this post, you must submit your stuff in the same way as all your colleagues. -Look, young man, the issue is simple. If you want this post, you must submit your stuff in the same way as all your colleagues. Must I? Well, I won't! I tell you straight: I will not! -Herr Mozart - May I just do that, Majesty? Show you how it begins? Just that? -I don't think it was really decided, Director. Oh, German! German! Please let it be German. -My dear fellow, the language is not finally the point. Do you really think that subject is quite appropriate for a national theatre? Why not? It's charming. I mean, I don't actually show concubines exposing their! their! It's not indecent! It's highly moral, Majesty. It's full of proper German virtues. I swear it. Absolutely! -Well done, Mozart. Really quite fine. Baron! -Mozart - Sire, only opera can do this. In a play, if more than one person speaks at the same time, it's just noise. No one can understand a word. But with music, with music you can have twenty individuals all talking at once, and it's not noise - it's a perfect harmony. Isn't that marvelous? -Sire, only opera can do this. In a play, if more than one person speaks at the same time, it's just noise. No one can understand a word. But with music, with music you can have twenty individuals all talking at once, and it's not noise - it's a perfect harmony. Isn't that marvelous? Mozart, music is not the issue here. No one doubts your talent. It is your judgment of literature that's in question. Even with the politics taken out, this thing would still remain a vulgar farce. Why waste your spirit on such rubbish? Surely you can choose more elevated themes? -Mozart, music is not the issue here. No one doubts your talent. It is your judgment of literature that's in question. Even with the politics taken out, this thing would still remain a vulgar farce. Why waste your spirit on such rubbish? Surely you can choose more elevated themes? Elevated? What does that mean? Elevated! The only thing a man should elevate is - oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm stupid. But I am fed up to the teeth with elevated things! Old dead legends! How can we go on forever writing about gods and legends? -Elevated? What does that mean? Elevated! The only thing a man should elevate is - oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm stupid. But I am fed up to the teeth with elevated things! Old dead legends! How can we go on forever writing about gods and legends? Because they do. They go on forever - at least what they represent. The eternal in us, not the ephemeral. Opera is here to ennoble us. You and me, just as much as His Majesty. -What do you want? I am Father Vogler. I am a Chaplain here. I thought you might like to talk to someone. -I am Father Vogler. I am a Chaplain here. I thought you might like to talk to someone. About what? -About what? You tried to take your life. You do remember that, don't you? -You tried to take your life. You do remember that, don't you? So? -So? In the sight of God that is a sin. -In the sight of God that is a sin. What do you want? -What do you want? Do you understand that you have sinned? Gravely. -Do you understand that you have sinned? Gravely. Leave me alone. -Leave me alone. I cannot leave alone a soul in pain. -I cannot leave alone a soul in pain. Do you know who I am? You never heard of me, did you? -Do you know who I am? You never heard of me, did you? That makes no difference. All men are equal in God's eyes. -That makes no difference. All men are equal in God's eyes. Are they? -Are they? Offer me your confession. I can offer you God's forgiveness. -Offer me your confession. I can offer you God's forgiveness. I do not seek forgiveness. -I do not seek forgiveness. My son, there is something dreadful on your soul. Unburden it to me. I'm here only for you. Please talk to me. -My son, there is something dreadful on your soul. Unburden it to me. I'm here only for you. Please talk to me. How well are you trained in music? -How well are you trained in music? I know a little. I studied it in my youth. -I know a little. I studied it in my youth. Where? -Where? Here in Vienna. -Here in Vienna. Then you must know this. -I can't say I do. What is it? I'm surprised you don't know. It was a very popular tune in its day. I wrote it. How about this? -Well? I regret it is not too familiar. -I regret it is not too familiar. Can you recall no melody of mine? I was the most famous composer in Europe when you were still a boy. I wrote forty operas alone. What about this little thing? -Oh, I know that! That's charming! I didn't know you wrote that. I didn't. That was Mozart. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. You know who that is? -I didn't. That was Mozart. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. You know who that is? Of course. The man you accuse yourself of killing. -Of course. The man you accuse yourself of killing. Ah - you've heard that? -Ah - you've heard that? All Vienna has heard that. -All Vienna has heard that. And do they believe it? -And do they believe it? Is it true? -Is it true? Do you believe it? -Do you believe it? Should I? -Do you hear me? He was murdered, Father! Mozart! Cruelly murdered. -It was incomprehensible. What was God up to? Here I was denying all my natural lust in order to deserve God's gift and there was Mozart indulging his in all directions - even though engaged to be married! - and no rebuke at all! Was it possible I was being tested? Was God expecting me to offer forgiveness in the face of every offense, no matter how painful? That was very possible. All the same, why him? Why use Mozart to teach me lessons in humility? My heart was filling up with such hatred for that little man. For the first time in my life I began to know really violent thoughts. I couldn't stop them. Did you try? -Did you try? Every day. Sometimes for hours I would pray! -Yes, Father. Yes! So much for my vow of chastity. What did it matter? Good, patient, hard-working, chaste - what did it matter? Had goodness made me a good composer? I realized it absolutely then - that moment: goodness is nothing in the furnace of art. And I was nothing to God. You cannot say that! -You cannot say that! No? Was Mozart a good man? -No? Was Mozart a good man? God's ways are not yours. And you are not here to question Him. Offer him the salt of penitence. He will give you back the bread of eternal life. He is all merciful. That is all you need to know. -God's ways are not yours. And you are not here to question Him. Offer him the salt of penitence. He will give you back the bread of eternal life. He is all merciful. That is all you need to know. All I ever wanted was to sing to Him. That's His doing, isn't it? He gave me that longing - then made me mute. Why? Tell me that. If He didn't want me to serve Him with music, why implant the desire, like a lust in my body, then deny me the talent? Go on, tell me! Speak for Him! -All I ever wanted was to sing to Him. That's His doing, isn't it? He gave me that longing - then made me mute. Why? Tell me that. If He didn't want me to serve Him with music, why implant the desire, like a lust in my body, then deny me the talent? Go on, tell me! Speak for Him! My son, no one can speak for God. -My son, no one can speak for God. Oh? I thought you did so every day. So speak now. Answer me! -Oh? I thought you did so every day. So speak now. Answer me! I do not claim to unravel the mysteries. I treasure them. As you should. -I do not claim to unravel the mysteries. I treasure them. As you should. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Always the same stale answers! There is no God of Mercy, Father. Just a God of torture. -What? His funeral - imagine it! The Cathedral, all Vienna sitting there. His coffin, Mozart's little coffin in the middle. And suddenly in that silence, music. A divine music bursts out over them all, a great Mass of Death: Requiem Mass for Wolfgang Mozart, composed by his devoted friend Antonio Salieri. What sublimity! What depth! What passion in the music! Salieri has been touched by God at last. And God, forced to listen. Powerless - powerless to stop it. I at the end, for once, laughing at Him. Do you understand? Do you? -His funeral - imagine it! The Cathedral, all Vienna sitting there. His coffin, Mozart's little coffin in the middle. And suddenly in that silence, music. A divine music bursts out over them all, a great Mass of Death: Requiem Mass for Wolfgang Mozart, composed by his devoted friend Antonio Salieri. What sublimity! What depth! What passion in the music! Salieri has been touched by God at last. And God, forced to listen. Powerless - powerless to stop it. I at the end, for once, laughing at Him. Do you understand? Do you? Yes. -Yes. The only thing that worried me was the actual killing. How does one do that? How does one kill a man? It's one thing to dream about it. It's very different when you have to do it, with your own hands. -Why? Why? Why? Why add to your misery by confessing to murder? You didn't kill him. I did. -I did. No, you didn't! -No, you didn't! I poisoned his life. -I poisoned his life. But not his body. -But not his body. What difference does that make? -What difference does that make? My son, why should you want all Vienna to believe you a murderer? Is that your penance? Is it? -My son, why should you want all Vienna to believe you a murderer? Is that your penance? Is it? No, Father. From now on no one will be able to speak of Mozart without thinking of me. Whenever they say Mozart with love, they'll have to say Salieri with loathing. And that's my immortality - at last! Our names will be tied together for eternity - his in fame and mine in infamy. At least it's better than the total oblivion he'd planned for me, your merciful God! -No, Father. From now on no one will be able to speak of Mozart without thinking of me. Whenever they say Mozart with love, they'll have to say Salieri with loathing. And that's my immortality - at last! Our names will be tied together for eternity - his in fame and mine in infamy. At least it's better than the total oblivion he'd planned for me, your merciful God! Oh my son, my poor son! -Oh my son, my poor son! Don't pity me. Pity yourself. You serve a wicked God. He killed Mozart, not I. Took him, snatched him away, without pity. He destroyed His beloved rather than let a mediocrity like me get the smallest share in his glory. He doesn't care. Understand that. God cares nothing for the man He denies and nothing either for the man He uses. He broke Mozart in half when He'd finished with him, and threw him away. Like an old, worn out flute. -I've just learned something that might be of interest to you, Herr Director. Yes? -Yes? Mozart is writing a new opera. An Italian opera. -Mozart is writing a new opera. An Italian opera. Italian? -You mean that play? Exactly. -Exactly. He's setting that play to music? -He's setting that play to music? Yes. -Yes. You must be mad. -Are you absolutely sure? I've seen the manuscript. -I've seen the manuscript. Where? -Where? Never mind. -Well, Mozart is already rehearsing. Incredible. -Incredible. The Emperor has given him permission. -What anger? About the ballet. -About the ballet. Ballet? What ballet? -Ballet? What ballet? Excuse me - didn't His Majesty specifically forbid ballet in his opera? -Excuse me - didn't His Majesty specifically forbid ballet in his opera? Yes, absolutely. Is there a ballet in Figaro? -Yes, absolutely. Is there a ballet in Figaro? Yes, in the third act. -Bravo, Your Majesty! Well done, Sire! -Well, actually, Sire, if you remember, we did finally incline to Italian. Did we? -I know we banned this play, but frankly I can't remember why. Can you refresh my memory, Herr Director? For the same reason, Herr Chamberlain, that it was banned in France. -For the same reason, Herr Chamberlain, that it was banned in France. Oh yes, yes. And that was? -Oh yes, yes. And that was? Well, the play makes a hero out of a valet. He outwits his noble master and exposes him as a lecher. Do you see the implications? This would be, in a grander situation, as if a Chamberlain were to expose an Emperor. -Well, the play makes a hero out of a valet. He outwits his noble master and exposes him as a lecher. Do you see the implications? This would be, in a grander situation, as if a Chamberlain were to expose an Emperor. Ah. -Here I am, my angel. What? Who the devil are you? -What? Who the devil are you? I've taken pity on you, my angel. I heard your wish. -I've taken pity on you, my angel. I heard your wish. Oh. Well, thank you! How wonderful. Some people get all the luck. -Now you've got to promise me faithfully you'll remain true to me forever. Then you'll see how tenderly your little birdie will love you. I can't wait. -I can't wait. Well, promise then. -Well, promise then. What do you mean - now? -What do you mean - now? Of course now. Right away, before I get any older. -Well, I don't know! I mean you're a delicious, delightful, delectable little bird, but don't you think you might be just a little tough? Oh, I'm tender enough for you, my boy. I'm tender enough for you. -This is embarrassing, you know. You introduced Mozart to some of my friends and he's begging from practically all of them. It has to stop. I agree, Baron. -I agree, Baron. Can't you think of anyone who might commission some work from him? I've done my best. I got him to arrange some Bach for my Sunday concerts. He got a fee - what I could afford. Can't you think of anyone who might do something for him? -Can't you think of anyone who might commission some work from him? I've done my best. I got him to arrange some Bach for my Sunday concerts. He got a fee - what I could afford. Can't you think of anyone who might do something for him? No, Baron, no. I'm afraid Mozart is a lost cause. He has managed to alienate practically the whole of Vienna. He is constantly drunk. He never pays his debts. I can't think of one person to whom I dare recommend him. -No, Baron, no. I'm afraid Mozart is a lost cause. He has managed to alienate practically the whole of Vienna. He is constantly drunk. He never pays his debts. I can't think of one person to whom I dare recommend him. How sad. It's tragic, isn't it? Such a talent. -How sad. It's tragic, isn't it? Such a talent. Indeed. Just a moment - as a matter of fact I think I do know someone who could commission a work from him. A very appropriate person to do so. Yes. -Excuse me, sir, there is a lady who insists on talking to you. Who is she? -Who is she? She didn't say. But she says it's urgent. -She didn't say. But she says it's urgent. Excuse me, my dear. -That lady is back, sir. Show her in. Then go to bed. -What does he want? He didn't say, sir. I told him I didn't know when you would be back, but he insisted on waiting. -He didn't say, sir. I told him I didn't know when you would be back, but he insisted on waiting. Come with me. And stay in the room. -Herr Salieri. Yes, I am looking after him. -Yes, I am looking after him. Can we come in? -Can we come in? Well, he's sleeping now. Better not. -Well, he's sleeping now. Better not. But he's all right? -But he's all right? Oh, yes. He's just exhausted. He became dizzy, that's all. We should let him rest. -Oh, yes. He's just exhausted. He became dizzy, that's all. We should let him rest. Well, tell him we were here, won't you? -Well, tell him we were here, won't you? Of course. -Of course. And say everything went wonderfully. A triumph-de-luxe - say that! Tell him the audience shouted his name a hundred times. -And say everything went wonderfully. A triumph-de-luxe - say that! Tell him the audience shouted his name a hundred times. Bene. -Bene. I'll call tomorrow. -I'll call tomorrow. Yes. And congratulations to all of you. It was superb. -Oh, by the way, give him this. This is his share. That should cheer him up, eh? Yes, indeed. Goodnight to you all now. It was perfection - truly! -Has the patient in twenty-one gotten his tray yet? The American? Yes, duck. -The American? Yes, duck. How did he look? -How did he look? What do you mean, 'how did he look'? -What do you mean, 'how did he look'? You know, did he seem depressed? Do you think he'll eat the food? -You know, did he seem depressed? Do you think he'll eat the food? I'm an orderly, not a bleeding psychiatrist! I push things about, but I've little say what happens to them. -I'm an orderly, not a bleeding psychiatrist! I push things about, but I've little say what happens to them. Thank you. -Dr. Hirsch, Mr. Kessler cried out a minute ago. Miss Gallagher, surely you must perform some function here at the hospital. -Can I be of service, Miss Price? Dr. Hirsch? -Dr. Hirsch? Go about your duties. -Go about your duties. Yes, Doctor. -Oh, Miss Price? Yes, Doctor? -Yes, Doctor? What exactly did he call out? -What exactly did he call out? He said 'Jack'. -He said 'Jack'. That would be Jack Goodman, the boy who was killed. -That would be Jack Goodman, the boy who was killed. What happened to them? -What happened to them? The police report said an escaped lunatic attacked them. He must have been a very powerful man. Although I really don't see that it is any of your concern, Miss Price. -The police report said an escaped lunatic attacked them. He must have been a very powerful man. Although I really don't see that it is any of your concern, Miss Price. No, sir. Of course, sir. Good day, Doctor. -Did he say a wolf? Yes, I believe he did. -It's all right, Susan. Yes, Doctor, I have. Come to my office, Miss Price. -Oh dear girl, your extracurricular activities are of no consequence to me. I don't give a damn who you sleep with. I'm concerned about David. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. It's a full moon. Where is he? -It's a full moon. Where is he? At my flat. I'm off at midnight and... -He's not? Alex, has David persisted in his werewolf fantasies? -Alex, has David persisted in his werewolf fantasies? Well, yes, but he seems to be more upset by the death of his friend. -Well, yes, but he seems to be more upset by the death of his friend. Has his friend appeared to him again? -Has his friend appeared to him again? Yes. -Yes. What did he say? -What did he say? David says Jack comes to warn him. -David says Jack comes to warn him. Warn him? -Warn him? Dr. Hirsch, what's wrong? Is this more serious than I know? -Dr. Hirsch, what's wrong? Is this more serious than I know? I tried to investigate the attack. There are no records. The case was closed and now they've 'misplaced' the file. David's lacerations were cleaned and dressed when he arrived here and yet supposedly no doctor examined him before I did. The Goodman boy is already in the ground so he's no good to us. So I went to the pub in East Proctor where I was convinced of two things. -I tried to investigate the attack. There are no records. The case was closed and now they've 'misplaced' the file. David's lacerations were cleaned and dressed when he arrived here and yet supposedly no doctor examined him before I did. The Goodman boy is already in the ground so he's no good to us. So I went to the pub in East Proctor where I was convinced of two things. Yes. -Yes. They were lying. There were no witnesses, no escaped lunatic. The whole community is hiding the truth of what actually happened up there. -They were lying. There were no witnesses, no escaped lunatic. The whole community is hiding the truth of what actually happened up there. And what else? -And what else? I think the village of East Proctor is hiding some dark and terrible secret. I'm convinced that, like David, they believe in this werewolf. -You've absolutely no idea where David might be? No. He knows no one in London, besides me. I shouldn't have left him alone. -Surely you're not suggesting... David has suffered a severe trauma. I myself witnessed some form of mass neurosis in East Proctor. If all the villagers believe that Jack Goodman was killed by a werewolf, why shouldn't David? And then it follows that if he survived an attack by a werewolf, wouldn't he himself become a werewolf the next full moon? -David has suffered a severe trauma. I myself witnessed some form of mass neurosis in East Proctor. If all the villagers believe that Jack Goodman was killed by a werewolf, why shouldn't David? And then it follows that if he survived an attack by a werewolf, wouldn't he himself become a werewolf the next full moon? Dr. Hirsch? -Dr. Hirsch? Oh, I don't mean running about on all fours and howling at the moon. But in such a deranged state he could harm himself, or perhaps others. -Oh, I don't mean running about on all fours and howling at the moon. But in such a deranged state he could harm himself, or perhaps others. What shall we do? -What shall we do? Let's call the police and see if they can help us find our wandering boy. -He's here. Is he all right? Why didn't you call me? Where was he? -Is he all right? Why didn't you call me? Where was he? He doesn't remember. He woke up at the zoo. -He doesn't remember. He woke up at the zoo. The zoo? Is he rational? -The zoo? Is he rational? Yes, he is. He's very excited and confused, but he's not crazy, if that's what you mean. -Yes, he is. He's very excited and confused, but he's not crazy, if that's what you mean. Have you read the papers today? Have you listened to the radio or television? -Have you read the papers today? Have you listened to the radio or television? No, why? -No, why? Is David acting strangely? -Is David acting strangely? No, not really. -Could you get here without any trouble? Yes, I should think so. -Yes, I should think so. Right. Now listen carefully. I want you to bring David here. I want him in my care. I'll notify the police that we've found him. It is imperative that you bring him straight to the hospital. Do you understand? -Right. Now listen carefully. I want you to bring David here. I want him in my care. I'll notify the police that we've found him. It is imperative that you bring him straight to the hospital. Do you understand? Yes, Doctor. -Yes, Doctor. You're certain he's lucid? You won't need any help? -You're certain he's lucid? You won't need any help? He's fine. We'll come right over. -He's fine. We'll come right over. Shall I send a car? -Shall I send a car? No, a cab will be faster. -No, a cab will be faster. I expect you shortly. -What shall we do? Tea would be nice. -Nurse Hobbs said there's a disturbance in Leicester Square involving some sort of mad dog. David? -David? I doubt it. But it's something to do. -It wasn't a lunatic. I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? It was a wolf. -It was a wolf. What? -What? A wolf. -Mr. Kessler? Yes? -Yes? You haven't eaten your lunch. -You haven't eaten your lunch. I'm not very hungry, thank you. -I'm not very hungry, thank you. I'm afraid you have to eat something. -I'm afraid you have to eat something. Please, really. I'm not hungry. -Please, really. I'm not hungry. You put me in an awkward position, Mr. Kessler. -You put me in an awkward position, Mr. Kessler. How is that? -How is that? Well, you're to take these after you've eaten. Now what kind of nurse would I be if I failed in so simple a task as giving out some pills? -Well, you're to take these after you've eaten. Now what kind of nurse would I be if I failed in so simple a task as giving out some pills? Leave the pills. I'll take them later. -Leave the pills. I'll take them later. Sorry. -Aw come on, Miss Price! Call me Alex. -Call me Alex. Aw come on, Alex! -Aw come on, Alex! Shall I be forced to feed you, Mr. Kessler? -Call me David. Shall I be forced to feed you, David? -Shall I be forced to feed you, David? This is absurd. I'm not hungry. I don't want any food. -This is absurd. I'm not hungry. I don't want any food. Right. -Let's try a little harder, shall we? Will you give me a break? -You're a very beautiful girl. I thought you were asleep. -I thought you were asleep. I was. What are you reading? -I was. What are you reading? 'A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court' by Mark Twain. -'A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court' by Mark Twain. Do you like it? -Do you like it? I've just started it. My friend gave it to me. -What do you dream about? I dream of death mostly. -I dream of death mostly. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you. -I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you. It's okay. I want to talk to you. -How old are you? That's not really a very proper question. -That's not really a very proper question. How old are you? -How old are you? Twenty-eight. -Twenty-eight. I'm twenty-seven. -I'm twenty-seven. I know. -I know. Now what do you want to talk about? -Now what do you want to talk about? Was Jack Goodman your good friend? -Was Jack Goodman your good friend? My best friend. My very best friend. -My best friend. My very best friend. Shall I read to you? -Shall I read to you? What? Oh, yes, please. -What? Oh, yes, please. A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Samuel L. Clemens. This is after the preface but before chapter one: A Word of Explanation. You all right? -A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Samuel L. Clemens. This is after the preface but before chapter one: A Word of Explanation. You all right? Yes, go on. -Yes, go on. Ahem, A Word of Explanation. It was in Warwick Castle that I came across the curious stranger whom I am going to talk about. He attracted me by three things: his candid simplicity, his marvelous familiarity with ancient armor, and the restfulness of his company - for he did all the talking. We fell together as modest people will in the tail of the herd... -Hello. You all right? I'm sorry I woke you up. -I'm sorry I woke you up. Don't be silly. Can I get you something? -Don't be silly. Can I get you something? No, thank you. Just keep me company for a while. -No, thank you. Just keep me company for a while. That's easy enough. -That's easy enough. I keep having these really terrible dreams. They are getting worse and I can't seem to stop them. -I keep having these really terrible dreams. They are getting worse and I can't seem to stop them. David, your dreams will stop. You'll leave England and your bad memories; and then this will all fade away. -David, your dreams will stop. You'll leave England and your bad memories; and then this will all fade away. Will you come with me? -Will you come with me? What? -What? I'm serious. You don't know me and I know nothing about you. We have a perfect relationship. -I'm serious. You don't know me and I know nothing about you. We have a perfect relationship. Now, David, I said I would keep you company, but I meant right here and now. -Now, David, I said I would keep you company, but I meant right here and now. Will you think about it? -Will you think about it? How did we get from your bad dreams to my taking a holiday with a patient? -How did we get from your bad dreams to my taking a holiday with a patient? Not just a patient -- me. -Not just a patient -- me. You're being awfully forward, aren't you? -You're being awfully forward, aren't you? Forgive me, I'm trying to cheer myself up and an affair with a beautiful nurse seemed like just the thing to do it. -Forgive me, I'm trying to cheer myself up and an affair with a beautiful nurse seemed like just the thing to do it. All I am to you is a sex fantasy then? -All I am to you is a sex fantasy then? Now I'm embarrassed. -Now I'm embarrassed. Good. I thought for a moment I was the only embarrassed one in the room. -I'm a werewolf. A werewolf? -Are you better now? I'll let you know the next full moon. -I'll let you know the next full moon. You're to be discharged tomorrow. Will you be all right? -My friend Jack was just here. Your dead friend Jack? -Your dead friend Jack? Yeah. He says that I will become a monster in two days. What do you think? -Yeah. He says that I will become a monster in two days. What do you think? What do I think? You mean about the possibility of your becoming a monster in two days or about visits from dead friends? -What do I think? You mean about the possibility of your becoming a monster in two days or about visits from dead friends? I was dreaming again? -I was dreaming again? I would think so. -I would think so. Yeah, I would think so, too. -The kitchen. Very nice. -Closet. Charming. -Charming. Bathroom. -Bathroom. Lovely. -Lovely. The bedroom. -The bedroom. There is only one bed. -There is only one bed. David, perhaps you'd like to watch the telly while I take a shower. -It's nice to see you. It's nice to see you. -Alex? Yes? -Yes? Will you be here in about fifteen minutes? -Will you be here in about fifteen minutes? Of course. -Of course. Good. -David, you don't honestly believe that in reality your friend Jack rose from the grave to breakfast with you? Do you really? I was awake and he was in my room. -I was awake and he was in my room. But, David. -But, David. I wasn't hallucinating. -Tomorrow is the full moon. That's good, Alex. Reassure me. -Let me go now, you'll make me late. Do me an enormous favor? -Do me an enormous favor? Anything. -Anything. Tell me that it's silly of me to be apprehensive. -Tell me that it's silly of me to be apprehensive. It's silly of you to be apprehensive. -It's silly of you to be apprehensive. Werewolves simply do not exist. -Werewolves simply do not exist. David, do you want me to stay here tonight? -David, do you want me to stay here tonight? Yeah, I do, but go to work. -Listen, if you get too anxious, call me at the hospital, okay? Okay. -Okay. I've left those pills for you. -I've left those pills for you. A doper werewolf. -I'm off. There's food in the fridge. See you later. -David! Where on earth have you been!?! I'm freezing. -Alex, I've lost my mind. I woke up at the zoo! But you know what? I feel terrific! The zoo? -The zoo? Waking up at the zoo, that's not so insane. Having no clothes on? That's insane. What did I do last night, Alex? -Waking up at the zoo, that's not so insane. Having no clothes on? That's insane. What did I do last night, Alex? Don't you remember? -Don't you remember? I said goodbye to you. I was locked out of the flat. I climbed the wall and came in through the bathroom window. I started to read and then I was naked at the zoo! I guess I am out of my fucking mind. -The next corner we can get a cab. I should be committed. -I should be committed. Dr. Hirsch will know what to do. -Dr. Hirsch will know what to do. I don't know why I feel so good. I haven't felt this good in a long time. -But... Pull over. -David, what are you doing? Six people mutilated? It had to be me, Alex. -Six people mutilated? It had to be me, Alex. David, stop! -I am going to the cops. There's a full moon tonight. Jack was right. I... Jack is dead! -Jack is dead! Jack is dead. Look, six people have been killed. I'm going to the police. -David, please be rational. Let's go to Dr. Hirsch. Rational!?! I'm a fucking werewolf, for Christ's sake! -He's playing a stupid joke, sir. What? -What? We had an argument. He's being silly. -We had an argument. He's being silly. I swear, I don't know this girl. -Sir, he's very upset. His friend was killed and... Will you shut up!?!! -Hopeless. It's hopeless. David, let's go now. -Leave me alone, dammit! You people are crazy! I've got to get away from here! I've got to do something! David, don't lose control. -David, don't lose control. Control!?! What control!?! Get away from me! -Hello, Benjamin. No. -No. No what? -No what? No. -No. Well, all right then, be that way. Here, swallow this. -Well, all right then, be that way. Here, swallow this. No. -Feeling better? No. -No. The doctor will be round later. Would you like a picture book to look at? We have some lovely funny Beanos. -The doctor will be round later. Would you like a picture book to look at? We have some lovely funny Beanos. No. -No. Right. -How are we feeling tonight? No. -No. No what? -No what? No! -No! Benjamin, have you ever been severely beaten about the face and neck? -Benjamin, have you ever been severely beaten about the face and neck? No. -No. I thought not. -He all right? Yes, I should think. He called out just now. -Yes, I should think. He called out just now. He's an American, you know. Dr. Hirsch is going to fetch round one of those Embassy fellows to see him. -He's an American, you know. Dr. Hirsch is going to fetch round one of those Embassy fellows to see him. Chart says he's from New York. -Chart says he's from New York. I think he's a Jew. -I think he's a Jew. Why on earth do you say that? -Why on earth do you say that? I looked. -I looked. Really, Susan, I don't think that was very proper, and besides, it's common practice now. -Miss Price. Yes, Mrs. Hobbs. -Yes, Mrs. Hobbs. Take these round now, will you please? The American boy in twenty-one is only to have these after he's eaten. Will you be sure of that? -Take these round now, will you please? The American boy in twenty-one is only to have these after he's eaten. Will you be sure of that? Has he been refusing food? -Has he been refusing food? Nothing quite as dramatic as that, Miss Price. He just doesn't eat enough of what is put before him. He suffers from nightmares. I'd think he just needs a hand to hold. -Nothing quite as dramatic as that, Miss Price. He just doesn't eat enough of what is put before him. He suffers from nightmares. I'd think he just needs a hand to hold. Yes, Mrs. Hobbs. -Officer, I killed those people last night. You did, did you? -All right, you two, move along. Hey, you asshole! I want you to arrest me! -Hey, you asshole! I want you to arrest me! There's no call for that kind of language. -There's no call for that kind of language. Queen Elizabeth is a man! Prince Charles is a faggot! Winston Churchill was full of shit! -Queen Elizabeth is a man! Prince Charles is a faggot! Winston Churchill was full of shit! Now see here young man. -Now see here young man. Shakespeare was French! The Queen Mother sucks cocks in hell! Shit! Fuck! Piss! -Who is this girl? You're going to have to stop this disturbance or I shall arrest you. -You're going to have to stop this disturbance or I shall arrest you. That's what I want you to do, you moron! -Why are you doing this to me, Jack? This isn't Mr. Goodman's idea. He is your good friend, whereas I am a victim of your carnivorous lunar activities. -This isn't Mr. Goodman's idea. He is your good friend, whereas I am a victim of your carnivorous lunar activities. Mr. Bringsly, I'm sorry. I have absolutely no idea what to say to you. -Mr. Bringsly, I'm sorry. I have absolutely no idea what to say to you. You've left my wife a widow and my children fatherless. And I understand that I am to walk the earth one of the living dead until the wolf's bloodline is severed and the curse lifted. -That's easy for you to say - you're already dead. No, David. Harry and I and everyone you murder are not dead. The undead. -No, David. Harry and I and everyone you murder are not dead. The undead. Why are you doing this to me? -Here, Gladys, Tom. Did you hear the one about the crashing plane? No, but we're about to. -You be quiet, woman, and let me speak. Quiet, everyone! Hush! Shhh! -All right, laugh then. I shan't tell it. Oh, come on, tell us. -Oh, come on, tell us. No. You've had your chance. -Oh, all right. There was this airplane over the Atlantic on its way to New York. It was full of men from the United Nations. That's very funny, that is. -No one brought them here! No one wanted them here! You could have told them! -Mr. Kessler? Wake up, please. I was having a nightmare. -Now go back to sleep so you'll be fresh for Dr. Hirsch in the morning. What time is it? -What time is it? It's nearly eight. I'm off duty shortly, then I'm off to the films with Alex. -It's nearly eight. I'm off duty shortly, then I'm off to the films with Alex. Alex? -Alex? Miss Price, the other nurse that attended you. -Miss Price, the other nurse that attended you. What are you going to see? -What are you going to see? An American film about the Mafia called 'See You Next Wednesday', and I want to see it badly, so you give me no problems and go to sleep. -An American film about the Mafia called 'See You Next Wednesday', and I want to see it badly, so you give me no problems and go to sleep. Do you have bad dreams, too? -Do you have bad dreams, too? Some, everyone does. -Some, everyone does. Yes, but does everyone kill Bambi? -Yes, but does everyone kill Bambi? Bambi? -Hello, David. I am Dr. Hirsch and this is a countryman of yours, Mr. Collins. Where am I? -Where am I? You're in a hospital in London. -You're in a hospital in London. London? Where's Jack? I had a strange dream. -London? Where's Jack? I had a strange dream. I should think so after your recent traumatic experiences. -I should think so after your recent traumatic experiences. The guy I was with. Is he all right? How did I get to London? -The guy I was with. Is he all right? How did I get to London? Now, David, I want you to prepare yourself; your friend is dead. -Miss Price! Miss Price, please! Get your fucking hands off me! What the hell is going on here? -How long have I been here? You've been unconscious since you were brought in two weeks ago. -You've been unconscious since you were brought in two weeks ago. Two weeks? -Two weeks? You've suffered some rather severe cuts and bruises, lost a bit of blood, but nothing too serious; black and blue for a while. You'll have some dueling scars to boast of. That lunatic must have been a very fierce fellow. They say a mad man has the strength of ten. -You've suffered some rather severe cuts and bruises, lost a bit of blood, but nothing too serious; black and blue for a while. You'll have some dueling scars to boast of. That lunatic must have been a very fierce fellow. They say a mad man has the strength of ten. Lunatic? -Lunatic? Now we've just given you a pretty strong sedative, so try to get some rest now. Miss Price will see to your needs. Rest now. -There were witnesses? So they said. -So they said. How could there have been witnesses? It was so dark. We were running and I fell and Jack went to help me up and this thing came from nowhere... I don't understand what they're talking about. -How could there have been witnesses? It was so dark. We were running and I fell and Jack went to help me up and this thing came from nowhere... I don't understand what they're talking about. In time I'm sure it will all come back to you. -In time I'm sure it will all come back to you. Doctor, my memory is fine. It's my sanity I'm beginning to worry about. -You've never had bad dreams before? Sure, as a kid. But never so real. Never so bizarre. -Did you get a good look at the man who attacked you? I've told you, it wasn't a man. It was an animal. A big wolf or something. A rabid dog. -I've told you, it wasn't a man. It was an animal. A big wolf or something. A rabid dog. Yes. -Yes. Look, Dr. Hirsch, I know I've been traumatized, but Jack was torn apart. I saw him. A man can't do that to someone with his bare hands. -Look, Dr. Hirsch, I know I've been traumatized, but Jack was torn apart. I saw him. A man can't do that to someone with his bare hands. You'd be surprised what horrors a man is capable of. -You'd be surprised what horrors a man is capable of. Did you see Jack? -Did you see Jack? No. In fact, your wounds were cleaned and dressed before you arrived here. -No. In fact, your wounds were cleaned and dressed before you arrived here. Did you talk to the police in East Proctor? Did the cops go to The Slaughtered Lamb? -Did you talk to the police in East Proctor? Did the cops go to The Slaughtered Lamb? I really don't know. -I really don't know. Then why the hell are you so quick to disbelieve me? You yourself said it must have taken incredible strength to tear apart a person like that. -Then why the hell are you so quick to disbelieve me? You yourself said it must have taken incredible strength to tear apart a person like that. David, please. The police are satisfied. I'm certain that if a monster were out roaming northern England we'd have seen it on the telly. -David, please. The police are satisfied. I'm certain that if a monster were out roaming northern England we'd have seen it on the telly. You really think I'm crazy, don't you? -You really think I'm crazy, don't you? Believe me. The Hound of the Baskervilles was an invention of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's. And if you'd read the bloody book, you'd find that Holmes discovered your house of hell a fraud, a fake. -Dr. Hirsch? I'd rather not be by myself. Of course not, David. I'll fetch in young Miss Price. -Are you cold? Yes. -Yes. Good. -Jack. David. -David. You're not having a good time are you? -You're not having a good time are you? Oh, I don't know. I mean look around. Isn't this a fun place? -Well, I like it here. I'm sorry. Northern England first, Italy later. -I'm sorry. Northern England first, Italy later. Right. -Do you think she'll meet me in Rome? I think Debbie Klein is a mediocre person with a good body. -I think Debbie Klein is a mediocre person with a good body. Debbie is not mediocre and she has one of the great bodies of all time. -Debbie is not mediocre and she has one of the great bodies of all time. She's a jerk. -She's a jerk. You're talking about the woman I love. -You're talking about the woman I love. I'm talking about a girl you want to fuck, so give me a break. -I'm talking about a girl you want to fuck, so give me a break. Well, anyway, do you think she'll be there? -Well, anyway, do you think she'll be there? I don't know. -I don't know. Rendezvous in Rome starring Jack Goodman and Debbie Klein. The love affair that shocked Europe! See torrid lovemaking at its most explicit! See Jack and Debbie expose their lust in the sacred halls of the Vatican! Never has the screen dared... -Rendezvous in Rome starring Jack Goodman and Debbie Klein. The love affair that shocked Europe! See torrid lovemaking at its most explicit! See Jack and Debbie expose their lust in the sacred halls of the Vatican! Never has the screen dared... If you don't stop, I'm going to kill you. -If you don't stop, I'm going to kill you. I have to make love to her. It's very simple. She has no choice really. -I have to make love to her. It's very simple. She has no choice really. It just fascinates me that you can spend so much energy on someone so dull. -It just fascinates me that you can spend so much energy on someone so dull. It is impossible for a body like that to be dull. -It is impossible for a body like that to be dull. We've known Debbie what, since the eighth grade? How many years of foreplay is that? -We've known Debbie what, since the eighth grade? How many years of foreplay is that? She says she 'likes me too much'. -The Slaughtered Lamb? Of course, The Slaughtered Lamb. Why else would they have a severed fox head on a spear as their symbol? -Of course, The Slaughtered Lamb. Why else would they have a severed fox head on a spear as their symbol? That's a wolf's head. -That's a wolf's head. Of course, The Slaughtered Lamb. Why else would they have a severed wolf's head on a spear as their symbol? -Of course, The Slaughtered Lamb. Why else would they have a severed wolf's head on a spear as their symbol? That's not a spear. It's a pike. -That's not a spear. It's a pike. A severed wolf's head on a pike as their symbol. -A severed wolf's head on a pike as their symbol. David, before we go in there I want you to know that - no matter what happens to us - it's your fault. -David, before we go in there I want you to know that - no matter what happens to us - it's your fault. I assume full responsibility. -I assume full responsibility. Okay. -Okay. Shall we? -Hello. Nice to see you. -Nice looking group. Listen, at least it's warm in here. -Listen, at least it's warm in here. Look at that. -What about it? It's a five-pointed star. -It's a five-pointed star. Maybe the owners are from Texas. -Ask them what the candles are for. You ask them. -You ask them. Listen, that's a pentangle, a five- pointed star. It's used in witchcraft. Lon Chaney, Jr. and Universal Studios maintain it's the mark of the wolf man. -Listen, that's a pentangle, a five- pointed star. It's used in witchcraft. Lon Chaney, Jr. and Universal Studios maintain it's the mark of the wolf man. I see. You want me to ask these people if they're burning candles to ward off monsters. -I see. You want me to ask these people if they're burning candles to ward off monsters. Right. -Right. Wrong. -Go on, ask them. You ask them. -Jack, we'd better go. What do you mean? I'm starving. -Come on, Jack, shall we go?!! Apparently so. -What the hell was that all about? I don't know. Let's see if there's an inn or something up the road. -I don't know. Let's see if there's an inn or something up the road. Beware the moon? -Beware the moon? Come on, I'm freezing. -That was weird. I guess leaving was the best idea. I don't know. Now that we're out here and it's three degrees, I'm not so sure I wouldn't rather face a blood-thirsty mob. -I don't know. Now that we're out here and it's three degrees, I'm not so sure I wouldn't rather face a blood-thirsty mob. Well, not quite a blood-thirsty mob. -What do you think was wrong? I have no idea. -I have no idea. Maybe that pentangle was for something supernatural. -Maybe that pentangle was for something supernatural. I see and they were too embarrassed to talk about it, because they felt so silly. -Say, David... I'm well aware of how pleasant the weather is in Rome at the present time thank you. -Did you hear that? I heard that. -I heard that. What was it? -Could be a lot of things. Yeah? -Yeah? A coyote. -A coyote. There aren't any coyotes in England. -There aren't any coyotes in England. The Hound of the Baskervilles. -The Hound of the Baskervilles. Pecos Bill. -Pecos Bill. Heathcliffe. -Heathcliffe. Heathcliffe didn't howl. -Heathcliffe didn't howl. No, but he was on the moors. -No, but he was on the moors. It's a full moon, 'beware the moon'. -I vote we go back to The Slaughtered Lamb. Yeah. -Shit! David, what is that? I don't know. Come on. -I don't know. Come on. Come on, where? -Come on, where? Anywhere! I think we should just keep moving. -It's moving. It's circling us. -What's the plan? Plan? -Plan? Let's just keep walking. -It's in front of us. Do you think it's a dog? -Oh shit. What is that? A sheep dog or something. Turn slowly and let's walk away. -Nice doggie. Good boy. Walk away, Jack. -Walk away, Jack. Walking away, yes, sir. Here we are walking away. -See anything? No. -It sounds far away. Not far enough. Come on. -Jack? Yeah. -Yeah. Where are we going? -Where are we going? I'll tell you when we get there. -I'll tell you when we get there. Well. I'm glad we... WHOAA!! -You really scared me, you shithead. Are you going to help me up? -Nice to see you. Get the fuck out of here, Jack. -Get the fuck out of here, Jack. Thanks a lot. -Thanks a lot. This is too much. I can't handle this. -This is too much. I can't handle this. I'm aware that I don't look so great, but I thought you'd be glad to see me. -David! You're hurting my feelings. Hurting your feelings? Has it occurred to you that it may be unsettling to have you rise from your grave to visit me? Listen to me, I'm talking to a hamburger! -Hurting your feelings? Has it occurred to you that it may be unsettling to have you rise from your grave to visit me? Listen to me, I'm talking to a hamburger! I'm sorry to be upsetting you, David, but I had to come. -I'm sorry to be upsetting you, David, but I had to come. Aren't you supposed to be buried in New York someplace? -Aren't you supposed to be buried in New York someplace? Yeah. Your parents came to my funeral. I was surprised at how many people came. -Yeah. Your parents came to my funeral. I was surprised at how many people came. Why should you be surprised? You were a very well-liked person. -Why should you be surprised? You were a very well-liked person. Debbie Klein cried a lot. -Debbie Klein cried a lot. I can't stand it. -I can't stand it. So you know what she does? She's so grief stricken she runs to find solace in Rudy Levine's bed. -So you know what she does? She's so grief stricken she runs to find solace in Rudy Levine's bed. Rudy Levine the shmuck? -Rudy Levine the shmuck? Life mocks me even in death. -I'm going completely crazy. David! -David! What?! -What?! David, now I know this may be hard for you, but I have to warn you. -David, now I know this may be hard for you, but I have to warn you. Warn me? Will you get out of here, you meat loaf? -Warn me? Will you get out of here, you meat loaf? I'm a grisly sight, it's true; but I love you and that's why I'm here. You've got to know. -I'm a grisly sight, it's true; but I love you and that's why I'm here. You've got to know. If you love me so much, Jack, you'll realize how disconcerting it is to share one's breakfast with the living dead! -If you love me so much, Jack, you'll realize how disconcerting it is to share one's breakfast with the living dead! We were attacked by a werewolf. -We were attacked by a werewolf. I'm not listening! -I'm not listening! On the moors, we were attacked by a lycanthrope, a werewolf. -On the moors, we were attacked by a lycanthrope, a werewolf. Shut up, you zombie! -Shut up, you zombie! I was murdered, an unnatural death, and now I walk the earth in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted. -I was murdered, an unnatural death, and now I walk the earth in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted. What's wrong with you? Shut up! -What's wrong with you? Shut up! The wolf's bloodline must be severed. The last remaining werewolf must be destroyed. -The wolf's bloodline must be severed. The last remaining werewolf must be destroyed. Will you be quiet?! -It's you, David. What?! -What?! You survived and now you shall continue the curse. -You survived and now you shall continue the curse. What are you talking about? I won't accept this! Get out! God damit! -What are you talking about? I won't accept this! Get out! God damit! Remember what that guy at The Slaughtered Lamb said? 'Beware the moon.' -Remember what that guy at The Slaughtered Lamb said? 'Beware the moon.' Stop it, Jack. -Stop it, Jack. Beware the moon. The full moon, David. You've got two days. -Beware the moon. The full moon, David. You've got two days. Jack, please go away. Please go away. -Jack, please go away. Please go away. You'll stalk the streets of London a creature of the night. -You'll stalk the streets of London a creature of the night. You're talking like Boris Karloff! It's movie dialogue! -You're talking like Boris Karloff! It's movie dialogue! David, please believe me. You will kill people, David. You've got to stop the bloodshed before it begins. -David, please believe me. You will kill people, David. You've got to stop the bloodshed before it begins. Nurse! -Nurse! Listen to me! Take your own life, David. It's our only chance. -Listen to me! Take your own life, David. It's our only chance. Nurse! -Nurse! The supernatural! The powers of darkness! It's all true. Take your own life! Suicide, David. Join me. -The supernatural! The powers of darkness! It's all true. Take your own life! Suicide, David. Join me. Nurse! Oh God! Alex! -Nurse! Oh God! Alex! It's cold, David, and I'm so alone. The undead surround me. Have you ever talked to a corpse? It's boring! I'm lonely! Kill yourself, David, before you kill others. -You're not real. Don't be an asshole, David. Come here. -What are you doing here? I wanted to see you. -I wanted to see you. Okay, you've seen me. Now go away. -Okay, you've seen me. Now go away. David, I'm sorry I upset you yesterday, but you must understand what is going on. -David, I'm sorry I upset you yesterday, but you must understand what is going on. I understand all right. You're one of the undead and I'm a werewolf. -I understand all right. You're one of the undead and I'm a werewolf. Yes. -Yes. Get out of here, Jack! -Get out of here, Jack! David, tomorrow night is the full moon. You'll change, you'll become... -David, tomorrow night is the full moon. You'll change, you'll become... A monster. I know, I know. -A monster. I know, I know. You must take your own life now, David, before it's too late. -You must take your own life now, David, before it's too late. Jack, are you really dead? -Jack, are you really dead? What do you think? -What do you think? I think I've lost my mind. I think you're not real. I think I'm asleep and you're a part of another bad dream. -I think I've lost my mind. I think you're not real. I think I'm asleep and you're a part of another bad dream. You must believe me. -You must believe me. What, Jack? That tomorrow night beneath the full moon I'll sprout hair and fangs and eat people? Bullshit! -What, Jack? That tomorrow night beneath the full moon I'll sprout hair and fangs and eat people? Bullshit! The canines will be real. You'll taste real blood! God damit, David, please believe me! You'll kill and make others like me! I'm not having a nice time, David! Don't allow this to happen again! You must take your own life! -The canines will be real. You'll taste real blood! God damit, David, please believe me! You'll kill and make others like me! I'm not having a nice time, David! Don't allow this to happen again! You must take your own life! I will not accept this! Now go away! -Hi, Jack. Hi, David. -What can I say, Jack? You don't have to say anything. -You don't have to say anything. Aren't you going to say, 'I told you so'? -Aren't you going to say, 'I told you so'? If I was still alive, I probably would. -If I was still alive, I probably would. You look awful. -You look awful. Thank you. -Thank you. I didn't mean it. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm not even sure it was me who killed those people. I don't remember doing it. -I didn't mean it. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm not even sure it was me who killed those people. I don't remember doing it. What about the zoo? -What about the zoo? Well, even if I'm not the wolfman, I am crazy enough to do something like that. I mean, here I sit in Leicester Square talking to a corpse. I'm glad to see you, Jack. -Well, even if I'm not the wolfman, I am crazy enough to do something like that. I mean, here I sit in Leicester Square talking to a corpse. I'm glad to see you, Jack. I want you to meet some people. -David Kessler, this is Gerald Bringsly. Hello. -Hello. Gerald is the man you murdered in the subway. We thought it best you didn't see him as he's a fresh kill and still pretty messy. -Because this must be stopped. How shall I do it? -I could hang myself. If you did it wrong, it would be painful. You'd choke to death. -Dr. Hirsch? Come in, come in. Please sit. Some tea? -No, thank you, Doctor. Well, then, what can I do for Scotland Yard? -You were saying? Has David Kessler anything to say concerning the attack on the moors? -Has David Kessler anything to say concerning the attack on the moors? Why don't we ask him? -The forensic lads seem to feel that some sort of animal was involved, that's true, but I hardly think... Regardless of what you think, Lieutenant, the fact remains that David is missing and that we must find him. -What can we do to assist you? Stay here. If we need you, we'll know where to reach you. -Yes? Lt. Villiers and Sgt. McManus are here to see you, Doctor. -Lt. Villiers and Sgt. McManus are here to see you, Doctor. Send them in. -Excuse me. Yes? Roger Mathison, Doctor. -Roger Mathison, Doctor. What here? -What here? He's on the telephone. -He's on the telephone. Tell him I'm out. No, tell him I've passed away. An old war wound or something. Tell him I'm dead. And no more calls! -Hello, there. What can I get you? Campari and soda would do nicely. -Campari and soda would do nicely. Sorry, love. -Sorry, love. I suppose Guinness will suffice. -What's that? Oh, that's been there for two hundred years. We were going to paint it out, but it's traditional, so we left it. -Oh, that's been there for two hundred years. We were going to paint it out, but it's traditional, so we left it. I see. You've heard nothing about the incident? -Do you have any hot soup? No. -Hot chocolate? We've got spirits and beer. If it's something hot you want, you can have tea. -We've got spirits and beer. If it's something hot you want, you can have tea. Then you have some hot tea? -Then you have some hot tea? No. -No. Oh. -Oh. But I can heat some up for you if you'd like. -Remember the Alamo? I beg your pardon? -No, thank you. I'd like some tea, please. -Sorry. Has Mr. Kessler said anything regarding the attack on the moors? -He may have a point, Lieutenant. Two strong boys would be able to defend themselves against one man. Sgt. McManus, are you suggesting that David and Jack were, in fact, attacked by some animal and that the officialdom of East Proctor has conspired to keep it a secret? We have an autopsy report on the murderer who was shot in the act by the local police. We have two witnesses to the crime. You'll forgive me, Mr. Kessler, if I consider your testimony as coming from someone who has gone through a terrible shock. -Sgt. McManus, are you suggesting that David and Jack were, in fact, attacked by some animal and that the officialdom of East Proctor has conspired to keep it a secret? We have an autopsy report on the murderer who was shot in the act by the local police. We have two witnesses to the crime. You'll forgive me, Mr. Kessler, if I consider your testimony as coming from someone who has gone through a terrible shock. Lieutenant, the boy seems pretty lucid to me and... -Lieutenant, the boy seems pretty lucid to me and... And what, Sergeant? -And what, Sergeant? I don't rightly know, sir. -I don't rightly know, sir. That is precisely my point. David, as far as we are concerned, the matter is closed. We won't trouble you any further. Good day. -I cannot accept a connection between David Kessler and last night's murders. We will find him, however. I can assure you of that. We'll find him, not to worry. -Hello, Tom. You here again? What do you want? -What do you suppose anybody wants? Money, money, money! Listen, I told you I wasn't interested in that deal, didn't I? -Listen, I told you I wasn't interested in that deal, didn't I? I want to know why . -Tom, I never had trouble getting credit from you before. When I was flat broke you gave me all the money I wanted. Now I come to you with a swell deal, and the greatest— I'll tell you why. I don't like the crowd you're mixed up with. Personally, you can have all the credit you want. But for that deal - not a cent. -I'll tell you why. I don't like the crowd you're mixed up with. Personally, you can have all the credit you want. But for that deal - not a cent. But listen, Tom, I— -What's the idea of turning her down? It sounds like a perfectly safe investment. She's a widow. I don't like taking mortgages from widows. -She's a widow. I don't like taking mortgages from widows. Why not? -If she can't pay, I'll have to foreclose, won't I? Yes - sure— -Yes - sure— Yeah - sure! -Oscar, what's the matter? I was the first one to see it. I was coming down the stairs, and there was the watchman lying dead at my feet. -I was the first one to see it. I was coming down the stairs, and there was the watchman lying dead at my feet. No kidding? -No kidding? No kidding. When I saw it, you could'a knocked me over with a pin. -No kidding. When I saw it, you could'a knocked me over with a pin. Where's Matt? -Where's Matt? Matt? -Matt? Yeah. He'll have a tough time thinking up a wise-crack for this one . . . -Yeah. He'll have a tough time thinking up a wise-crack for this one . . . The detectives got Matt up there in Sampson's office. -The detectives got Matt up there in Sampson's office. He has? -He has? Yeah. -Say Matt, I'll have to have some money for those Manville payrolls. How much? -How much? About twenty-four thousand. -About twenty-four thousand. It was more than that last week. -It was more than that last week. Yeah. -Yeah. Here's twenty-five thousand. -Say, do me a favor, will you Charlie? Yeah. -Yeah. Let me have ten bucks? -Let me have ten bucks? Ten bucks? Say, if I had ten bucks, I'd quit. -Ten bucks? Say, if I had ten bucks, I'd quit. Charlie! -Charlie! Yeah? -I'll pay it back to you Saturday - on the level I will. Give a guy a break, will you? I've got to get it back in my account. If Helen ever finds out that I— Baby, I can't give you anything but love... -Whose death? It'll be yours if you don't kick in with that ten bucks. -It'll be yours if you don't kick in with that ten bucks. Say pal, did you ever hear of a Depression? -Say pal, did you ever hear of a Depression? Aw, nerts! -Where you been? Where do you think I've been? I took the baby for a stroll in the park. -What's the matter, Charlie? I'm fourteen cents out, and it took me half an hour to find the mistake. And me with a date, too. -I'm fourteen cents out, and it took me half an hour to find the mistake. And me with a date, too. I remember once when your account checked. -I remember once when your account checked. Yeah. -And listen, wise guy - I'm setting friend time clock for exactly nine o'clock, so no squawks out of you guys in the morning. Say, don't annoy me. I got troubles of my own. -Mr. Dickson in yet? Not yet, Mr. Clark. -Not yet, Mr. Clark. When he comes in, tell him we're waiting for him in the board room. -When he comes in, tell him we're waiting for him in the board room. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. And tell him not to delay. -And tell him not to delay. Yes, sir. -Personally, I think you're getting panic-stricken about nothing. Dickson's all right. Oh, is he? We carry more unsecured paper than any other institution in the city. We're fools to tolerate it. -Don't make me laugh, Schultz! Dickson doesn't have to go. But he must agree to this merger with New York Trust— -Dickson doesn't have to go. But he must agree to this merger with New York Trust— What good will that do? -What good will that do? What good will that do? Why, it will take control away from him. We'll put somebody else in charge, call in all doubtful loans, and be on safe ground again. That's what good it will do! -How are you protecting your depositors? By making a lot of idiotic loans! Take it easy, Clark. -You know Dickson as well as we do. He'll shut the doors before he gives up control. All right, let him! I'm sick and tired of hearing about him. If he wants to run the bank, let him do it. I don't want any part of it. -Say, you know, I found out something yesterday about hitting a golf ball. You've got to hit with the left hand, and from the inside out, it's the only way you can hit anything— I think, Mr. Dickson, we would like to have a little of your very valuable time here at the bank this morning, if you don't mind. -I think, Mr. Dickson, we would like to have a little of your very valuable time here at the bank this morning, if you don't mind. Oh, you would, eh? All right. If it's more important than golf, go ahead. What's on your mind? -What's the matter with my policy? How many losses has this bank taken in the last twenty-five years? I'll tell you. Not a single one! What's wrong with that kind of banking? Just pure luck! -Character, hmmpf! That's your idea? Not at all. That's Alexander Hamilton's idea[5] - the finest banking mind this country has ever known. Those are his exact words, gentlemen. Character! It's the only thing you can bank on, and it's the only thing that will pull this country out of the doldrums. -Most of the creditors I know personally. I've seen them grow up in the community. I knew their fathers and mothers before them. I know, Dickson. That's all very well. But you're taking too many chances. In these times a bank should keep liquid in case of trouble. In case of emergency! -I'm running this bank my way. Get that clear! Gentlemen, you notice Mr. Dickson refuses to consider our wishes. He refuses an offer to merge with the New York Trust - the only thing that will put this bank on safe ground. He insists upon running a bank on so flimsy a thing as . . . as faith! -Gentlemen, you notice Mr. Dickson refuses to consider our wishes. He refuses an offer to merge with the New York Trust - the only thing that will put this bank on safe ground. He insists upon running a bank on so flimsy a thing as . . . as faith! Yes! You said it, Clark. That's the only thing that means anything to me. -We want to talk to you. What about? -What about? We'll discuss that in the board room. -We'll be forced to shut the doors. I've worked twenty-five years night and day to keep this bank alive. You've all made money out of it. Are you willing to help? What do you mean, help? -What do you mean, help? I know that among you, you have at least a million dollars in various banks throughout the city. Get that money over here and I'll stop this run within five minutes. -I know that among you, you have at least a million dollars in various banks throughout the city. Get that money over here and I'll stop this run within five minutes. That sounds very simple, Dickson, but why should we jeopardize our personal fortunes? -That sounds very simple, Dickson, but why should we jeopardize our personal fortunes? I have everything I own in it. It's your bank as well as mine, isn't it? -The depositors you were protecting were the first ones to pounce on you. You thought they were your friends. Why don't you go out there now and try and get some help from them? Aw, they've gone crazy. You can't reason with a mob. -Aw, they've gone crazy. You can't reason with a mob. No. You can't reason with anyone else when you're in a jam. We pleaded with you to keep liquid, but you wouldn't listen to us. You preached to us about faith and a lot of other rubbish. Now you want our help. You want us to throw a lot of cash into a bank that you've wrecked. All right. There's one way you can get it. Give us an option on your stock and resign as president. -No. You can't reason with anyone else when you're in a jam. We pleaded with you to keep liquid, but you wouldn't listen to us. You preached to us about faith and a lot of other rubbish. Now you want our help. You want us to throw a lot of cash into a bank that you've wrecked. All right. There's one way you can get it. Give us an option on your stock and resign as president. So, that's it, eh? You've waited a long time for this chance, haven't you? Well, I'm not going to resign now - or ever. -Say, you can't do that— I can't? You just wait and see. If that run doesn't stop within the next hour, I'll shut the doors. You know what that means? The bank examiner will step in tomorrow. You'll be forced to liquidate. I'll insist upon it. The depositors will be paid one hundred cents on the dollar. What's left you gentlemen can have. But I'll guarantee there won't be enough to pay your next month's garage bill. -Dickson, I'd like to talk to you about the bank. The bank. All right. Do anything you want with it. -Come out here you pawnbrokers - take a look at this! We've been waiting fifteen minutes— -We've been waiting fifteen minutes— You know what you can do with that! Come on, take a look at this! You'll see a demonstration of faith that's worth more than all the collateral in the world. -I hope you don't mind me asking you a few questions, Mr. Cluett. Of course, yes. Just what would you like to know, Inspector? -Of course, yes. Just what would you like to know, Inspector? Where were you at twelve o'clock last night? -Where were you at twelve o'clock last night? That's very simple. I was home. -That is simple, isn't it? I assume you can prove that if necessary. Oh yes, of course. There was someone with me. A lady. -Oh yes, of course. There was someone with me. A lady. Looks like you're going to have no trouble at all. What was the lady's name, Mr. Cluett? -Looks like you're going to have no trouble at all. What was the lady's name, Mr. Cluett? If you don't mind, Inspector, I'd rather not say - that is, unless it becomes absolutely essential. You see, she's married. -If you don't mind, Inspector, I'd rather not say - that is, unless it becomes absolutely essential. You see, she's married. Oh! -Oh! You understand? -You understand? Why, of course. -Thanks. "Somebody must be in good humor. He was humming ""Mother Machree.""" -"Somebody must be in good humor. He was humming ""Mother Machree.""" "It's one of the boys from headquarters. He always sings ""Mother Machree"" whenever he's got good news. Looks like this case'll be settled in no time." -Stand back Inspector, or I'll shoot. Drop that gun. All right, Jack, all right. -Don't be a fool, Cluett. This is only going to make it worse for you. Stand back, Inspector. Let me out of here, or I'll shoot you! -What were you doing at Finlay's this morning? They took my keys yesterday. I went there to get them back. -I was crazy, I tell you, Mr. Dickson. I didn't know what I was doing. I wandered around in a daze. All I could think of was that they were going to kill me . . . You'll stand by me, won't you, Mr. Dickson? You won't go back on me now, will you? I'll die if they send me to prison! Don't forget there's a dead watchman downstairs. -Don't forget there's a dead watchman downstairs. I didn't kill him! I had nothing to do with that, I tell you! I was home in my apartment last night - I can prove it! -I didn't kill him! I had nothing to do with that, I tell you! I was home in my apartment last night - I can prove it! Claims he was there with a married woman. Doesn't want to mention her name. -Claims he was there with a married woman. Doesn't want to mention her name. He won't believe it, Mr. Dickson. But it's the truth - honest it is. I was in my apartment last night - ask your wife - she— -Confessed! Cluett, in heaven's name, what got into you? I don't know. It's all been like a crazy nightmare, Mr. Dickson. -I don't know. It's all been like a crazy nightmare, Mr. Dickson. What happened? You're not a thief. How'd you get mixed up with these kind of people? -What happened? You're not a thief. How'd you get mixed up with these kind of people? Gambling - I owed them a lot of money. Last week I lost over fifty thousand dollars! -Gambling - I owed them a lot of money. Last week I lost over fifty thousand dollars! Fifty thousand dollars! -Fifty thousand dollars! But I didn't kill that man last night. Honest I didn't, Mr. Dickson! -What was my wife doing in your apartment last night? Nothing, nothing, Mr. Dickson. Don't pay any attention to me. I don't know what I'm saying. -Nothing, nothing, Mr. Dickson. Don't pay any attention to me. I don't know what I'm saying. You just mentioned her name. What was she doing there? What was she doing in your apartment? -You just mentioned her name. What was she doing there? What was she doing in your apartment? She just came up for a drink. Just for a few minutes. -She wasn't to blame, Mr. Dickson. It wasn't her fault. Honest, it wasn't. I begged her to come up. She didn't— Get out, get out! -You know what we do to welchers, Cluett, don't you? I know, I know, Dude. Oh, I must have been crazy! I lost my head completely! -I know, I know, Dude. Oh, I must have been crazy! I lost my head completely! That's your funeral. We've got fifty thousand dollars comin' to us. -That's your funeral. We've got fifty thousand dollars comin' to us. I haven't got it. -Then what did you want to gamble for? If you'd have beat us out of fifty G's, you'd have been paid, wouldn't you? Well, we want our dough. I'm sorry, Dude, but—I— -I'm sorry, Dude, but—I— That don't do us any good. -That don't do us any good. But after all, you can't take blood from a stone. -But after all, you can't take blood from a stone. We can take blood from anything — If it's comin' to us. -Good heavens, man! You're not suggesting that I— Why not? -Why not? Why, I couldn't do that . . . ! -Why, I couldn't do that . . . ! You don't have to do nothing. -What do you mean? All you gotta do is fix a few things for us , and we'll do the rest, see? -Dude - there's not any chance of my becoming involved in this, is there? You? No, you'll be all right, so long as you establish an alibi for tonight. -You? No, you'll be all right, so long as you establish an alibi for tonight. know, but— -know, but— Be sure you're with somebody responsible in case any questions are asked. Understand? -Be sure you're with somebody responsible in case any questions are asked. Understand? But Dude, listen - couldn't we make this some other time? -But Dude, listen - couldn't we make this some other time? Listen, buddy, you're getting by pretty easy. Quit squawking! -This won't do. Not during business hours . . . Why, I needed a— -What is the matter with you? You're trembling? Am I? Why, I - I don't know any reason why I should be, unless of course it's you . . . -Am I? Why, I - I don't know any reason why I should be, unless of course it's you . . . Me? -Me? Being alone with you has always done this to me. You know that. -Being alone with you has always done this to me. You know that. For a celebrated bounder, that is an awful admission. Besides, I never knew that any female could do this to you . -For a celebrated bounder, that is an awful admission. Besides, I never knew that any female could do this to you . Well, you can. You always could. -Well, you can. You always could. Liar! You're just suffering from lack of sleep. -Here, here, here, now! Don't you go back to work on me, too. I'm getting tired of this. Besides, it's beginning to affect your looks— What is? -What is? —running around. Not your work. You'd better start reforming, Cyril! -—running around. Not your work. You'd better start reforming, Cyril! If I thought you were the slightest bit interested, I would. -If I thought you were the slightest bit interested, I would. Not bad, not bad at all. Do you know something? I've always been curious about your line. -Not bad, not bad at all. Do you know something? I've always been curious about your line. Line? -Line? Whatever it is that makes you such a riot with women. -Come on Cyril, try a little bit of it out on me. I haven't had any first-class blarney thrown at me since the day I was married. But you see, it isn't blarney where you're concerned. -But you see, it isn't blarney where you're concerned. Now let me see, what comes next? Oh yes, I know - what are you doing tonight, Phyllis? -Doesn't that come next? Yes, yes, it does. What are you doing tonight, Phyllis? -Yes, yes, it does. What are you doing tonight, Phyllis? See, we're getting along famously! -Oh! Oh, no! I think I've done enough experimenting for one day. Congratulations, Cyril. You've convinced me that you're a philanderer of the very first order. I shall recommend you highly. Please, please don't laugh at me, Phyllis. I must see you tonight! -But I'm giving a party for him - a real, old-fashioned surprise party. Caps, bells, whistles, and everything. I'm really terribly excited about it. I've been planning it for months. Well— -Well— Well, what? -Well, what? Well, aren't you going to invite me? -Well, aren't you going to invite me? You? No can do. It's all set. Just a few of Tom's closest friends. -You? No can do. It's all set. Just a few of Tom's closest friends. Now Phyllis, if you don't invite me, I'm coming anyway. -Now Phyllis, if you don't invite me, I'm coming anyway. Don't be silly, Cyril. These are respectable people. They'd probably bore you to death. -Don't be silly, Cyril. These are respectable people. They'd probably bore you to death. No, they won't. Not when you are there. Oh, please, be a sport. Please ask me. -No, they won't. Not when you are there. Oh, please, be a sport. Please ask me. Why are you so anxious? -Why are you so anxious? Don't you know? -Don't you know? No. -No. I want to be near you! -What? Don't you know I've been crazy about you for years? -Don't you know I've been crazy about you for years? Now wait a minute, wait a minute... -Now wait a minute, wait a minute... I've loved you ever since I can remember, long before you married Tom Dickson. -I've loved you ever since I can remember, long before you married Tom Dickson. Why, Cyril, you're insane— -Why, Cyril, you're insane— No. No, I'm not. I deliberately avoided you. I was afraid of making a fool of myself. But I won't stand it any longer— -No. No, I'm not. I deliberately avoided you. I was afraid of making a fool of myself. But I won't stand it any longer— Cyril! -What's this? My apartment. -My apartment. I knew I couldn't trust you. You told me you were taking me home. -I knew I couldn't trust you. You told me you were taking me home. Come on up for just a few minutes. We'll have just one drink, then we'll go. -Come on up for just a few minutes. We'll have just one drink, then we'll go. No. I know the answer to that one. I think you'd better take me home. -No. I know the answer to that one. I think you'd better take me home. What's the matter? Afraid papa will spank? -What's the matter? Afraid papa will spank? No. No, I'm afraid papa isn't that much interested. He's too busy rushing off to Philadelphia to make stuffy, old speeches at stuffy, old bankers' meetings. Too busy closing big, important deals— I think I will have a drink. -No. No, I'm afraid papa isn't that much interested. He's too busy rushing off to Philadelphia to make stuffy, old speeches at stuffy, old bankers' meetings. Too busy closing big, important deals— I think I will have a drink. Good for you. Come on. -You know, there ought to be a Congressional Medal for men like you. America's comfort to misunderstood wives. I never thought I would find myself in that class. Oh, you're not so badly off. There's something much worse than being a misunderstood wife. -Oh, you're not so badly off. There's something much worse than being a misunderstood wife. What is that, Mr. Bones?[7] -What is that, Mr. Bones?[7] A misunderstood bachelor. -And now fair woman, I have you in my power. I'm not afraid of you. You haven't got a moustache! -I'm not afraid of you. You haven't got a moustache! I'll grow a moustache by the time you get out of here. -Why, Matt! What are you doing here? -Are the payrolls ready for tomorrow? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Let me see your cash book, will you? -Let me see your cash book, will you? Now? -Now? Yes, now. -The butler said I could stay. I told him it was important. Oh, yeah? -Well, I thought I'd like to have a little talk with you. I'm listening. -I'm listening. It's funny - now that I'm here, I don't know just how to go about it. You see, I kind of expected to find you here alone. -Anything you have to say to me, you can say in the morning. Oh no, Mr. Cluett, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not wait. It's about you and Mrs. Dickson. -I'm not interested in what you think. You've no right to do this to her, Mr. Cluett. Why don't you think it over? It's only gonna get you into a lot of trouble. -You've no right to do this to her, Mr. Cluett. Why don't you think it over? It's only gonna get you into a lot of trouble. I tell you, I'm not interested in your opinion. -I tell you, I'm not interested in your opinion. No? Then maybe you'll understand, Mrs. Dickson. Oh, gee, he's crazy about you. Nobody knows it better than you. If he ever finds out, it'll kill him. -Phyllis, you don't have to explain anything. You'd do well to mind your own business. This is my business. Mr. Dickson's been like a father to me. What has he ever done to you to deserve a deal like this? -This is my business. Mr. Dickson's been like a father to me. What has he ever done to you to deserve a deal like this? That will be just about enough! Now get out of here! -That will be just about enough! Now get out of here! I guess I have said enough I'm just wasting my breath talking to you. -Good morning, Mr. Dickson. John, how's your wife this morning? -John, how's your wife this morning? Much better this morning, thank you. -Much better this morning, thank you. Got a handkerchief? -Excuse me— Wait a minute. How do you feel this morning? -Wait a minute. How do you feel this morning? I'm feeling fine this morning. -I'm feeling fine this morning. That makes it unanimous. I feel all right too. -That makes it unanimous. I feel all right too. Thank you! -Shall we let the people come in? Of course, let them in! You're late now. -Good morning, Mr. Dickson. My wife is much better this morning. Well, that's too bad. Mine's all right too. -Well, look who's here! Hello, dear. Hello, darling. -If this isn't a red-letter day for Tom Dickson! First I trample on the Board of Directors, then I promote Matt here to assistant cashier, and now to complete the day I have a visit from my sweet and lovely and gorgeous wife. What a man, what a man! It's amazing that your sweet, lovely, gorgeous wife can ever get to see you. -It's amazing that your sweet, lovely, gorgeous wife can ever get to see you. Oooh! That has the earmarks! -What's the matter dear? What have I done now? Nothing. Tom, I thought you were going out with me tonight. -Nothing. Tom, I thought you were going out with me tonight. Oh, I did have a date with you tonight, didn't I? -Oh, I did have a date with you tonight, didn't I? Yes. -Yes. I'm terribly sorry. I'd forgotten all about you. I'm so sorry, dear. -Now Tom, you simply cannot go to Philadelphia tonight. That's all there is to it. But I have to go, dear. It's a very important banker's meeting. -But I have to go, dear. It's a very important banker's meeting. I don't care whether it's important or not. You said you were going out with me, and if you hadn't promised so faithfully, I wouldn't have gone and planned the whole thing. -I don't care whether it's important or not. You said you were going out with me, and if you hadn't promised so faithfully, I wouldn't have gone and planned the whole thing. Listen, it isn't so terribly important. We can go to the theatre any time. -Listen, it isn't so terribly important. We can go to the theatre any time. The theatre? -The theatre? That's what it was you planned, wasn't it? -That's what it was you planned, wasn't it? Yes, of course. -Yes, of course. You can take some of the girls. You can take Mildred - or Gwynn— -You can take some of the girls. You can take Mildred - or Gwynn— The girls! I don't suppose it ever occurred to you that I might go out and find myself an attractive young man . . . -Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho, ho, ho, yourself! I wouldn't laugh if I were you. You may not suspect it, but I'm still attractive - to some. -Ho, ho, ho, yourself! I wouldn't laugh if I were you. You may not suspect it, but I'm still attractive - to some. Listen, don't go around being attractive to anyone but me . . . -Listen, don't go around being attractive to anyone but me . . . Well . . . -Well . . . Don't you forget that I'm still the head man around here too. Now we'll get the tickets changed for tomorrow night. You and I are going out together. How's that? -Don't you forget that I'm still the head man around here too. Now we'll get the tickets changed for tomorrow night. You and I are going out together. How's that? Tomorrow night? -All right. I'll postpone the whole thing until tomorrow night. Happy now? -Happy now? No. -Listen, dear. I want to ask you something. I know it's a silly thing for me to ask you, but . . . I want you to tell me the truth. Where were you last night? Last night? Er - why - uh, last night . . . -Last night? Er - why - uh, last night . . . Listen, dear. Now tell me the truth about this. Were you in Cluett's apartment? -Listen, dear. Now tell me the truth about this. Were you in Cluett's apartment? In Cluett's apartment? Well dear, you see, I . . . I . . . -Good morning. Helen, you're becoming more beautiful every day. What are we going to do about it? -Helen, you're becoming more beautiful every day. What are we going to do about it? I don't know. -I don't know. Guess we'll just have to sacrifice the bank. When are you and Matt going to get married? -Guess we'll just have to sacrifice the bank. When are you and Matt going to get married? Why - well, I— -Why - well, I— Ummm. Stalling, eh? Anything new? -Ummm. Stalling, eh? Anything new? Why, the directors are waiting for you in the board room. -Why, the directors are waiting for you in the board room. Directors, eh? Long faces? -Longer. I haven't got any new stories for them this morning, either. -Helen, tell Matt I want to see him. Yes, sir. -Oh, Mr. Dickson - they're going to arrest Matt. They think he did it! Where is he now? -Where is he now? In Mr. Sampson's office. -In Mr. Sampson's office. Now don't you worry about it. -Come on in here, Helen. Bring your book. I want some numbers to try to get some action. Get Parker at the Union-Leeds - the Exchange . . . Winslow and old man Harris at the Home Mortgage. Snap into it, Helen. Just as quick as you can. Yes, sir. -You want the rest of those numbers, Mr. Dickson? Numbers? No, never mind. -Good morning, Helen. Good morning. -Good morning. Say, I know what's the matter with you. Matt! -Oh! Oh, no! It's not for you. You're only going to get married. Mrs. Dickson and I are going to go on the honeymoon. -Yes? Helen, I'm going to Philadelphia, just as soon as the bank closes. Make all the arrangements, will you? -Helen, I'm going to Philadelphia, just as soon as the bank closes. Make all the arrangements, will you? Yes, sir. -Yes? Mr. Sampson . . . -Mr. Sampson . . . All right. Send him in. -Helen! Yes? -Yes? Get Mrs. Dickson on the phone. -Good morning, Mrs. Pembroke. Good morning, Mr. Dickson. -Good morning, Mr. Dickson. Got my letter? -Got my letter? Yes, thank you. -Yes, thank you. Hello, Helen. -Mr. Dickson? Ah, Mrs. Pembroke. I spoke to Mr. Schaffer at the Guaranty. He's going to take care of that mortgage for you . . . -But, Mr. Dickson, I thought you were going to take care of the mortgage. I only want ten thousand. The property is worth sixty. Mr. Schaffer will take good care of you. He'll give you fifteen - maybe twenty . . . -Wait a minute. Where's your uniform? I haven't any. -I haven't any. You haven't got a uniform? -You haven't got a uniform? No, sir. -No, sir. My goodness, you ought to have a uniform. How much does one cost? -My goodness, you ought to have a uniform. How much does one cost? Why, I don't know. -Why, I don't know. You see Sampson. Tell him I sent you. You've got to have a uniform. -Oh, make that uniform blue. Yes, sir. -Well, well, well - got your uniform, eh? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Looks good. How much did it cost? -Looks good. How much did it cost? I don't know. Mr. Sampson bought it for me. -It's all right. Thanks. And what's more, keep up the good work and who knows - some day you'll be the fellow sitting behind that desk . . . Not a bad thought, eh? -What's the matter? You don't seem very excited about it. Sure, I think it's swell. -Sure, I think it's swell. Say, come on. Show a little enthusiasm. What's the matter? Are you sick or something? Go on, fake it - even if it isn't real. -Aw, I'm sorry, Mr. Dickson. It's just kind of sudden, that's all. Sure, I'm excited. I think it's great. Only, well, you've done so much for me already . . . I'll never be able to thank you enough. Aw, go on, forget it. You came through, didn't you? That's all I wanted. A lot of them didn't think you would. You don't know how much satisfaction it's been to me. It's been swell. Well, when are you and Helen going to get married? -Aw, go on, forget it. You came through, didn't you? That's all I wanted. A lot of them didn't think you would. You don't know how much satisfaction it's been to me. It's been swell. Well, when are you and Helen going to get married? Well, I— -Well, I— I suppose you want me to fix that up for you too, eh? -I already told him I was home. There you are. -Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Matt, do you realize you're up against something? You're being charged with murder. It's serious, son. Now come on, I know you didn't do it. But we've got to make them believe it. Come on, tell the truth, where were you last night? I can't tell you. -No. I won't. You're protecting somebody. -You're protecting somebody. No, I'm not Mr. Dickson! -No, I'm not Mr. Dickson! Yes, you are. You're protecting somebody. Now listen, it doesn't make any difference who it is. It can't be as important as this. Now come on, tell me. Where were you last night? Come on, don't be a fool. Matt, you trust me, don't you? -We haven't got much time left, Mr. Dickson. We've got to do something quick or it'll be too late. Why wouldn't you tell me where you were last night? -Why wouldn't you tell me where you were last night? You're not giving up, are you, Mr. Dickson? -You're not giving up, are you, Mr. Dickson? Were you in Cluett's apartment? -Were you in Cluett's apartment? Oh, I can explain about that later. You're losing your bank - don't you realize what that means? -Oh, I can explain about that later. You're losing your bank - don't you realize what that means? Was Mrs. Dickson there? -Was Mrs. Dickson there? Listen, Mr. Dickson, don't let them lick you just because a couple of big shots turned you down. You've got more friends than anybody in this town. Little guys - guys who wouldn't be in business if it weren't for you. All you've got to do is— -Listen, Mr. Dickson, don't let them lick you just because a couple of big shots turned you down. You've got more friends than anybody in this town. Little guys - guys who wouldn't be in business if it weren't for you. All you've got to do is— Wait a minute. Answer my question. Was Mrs. Dickson there? -Wait a minute. Answer my question. Was Mrs. Dickson there? Well . . . uh . . . I . . . -Well . . . uh . . . I . . . She was, wasn't she? How long has this been going on? Do you know? -She was, wasn't she? How long has this been going on? Do you know? Aw, I don't know what you're talking about. All I know is that you're losing your bank and— -Aw, I don't know what you're talking about. All I know is that you're losing your bank and— All right. That's all. Please, Matt. -I want you both to take the day off. Go downtown and get a license and get married right away! But I haven't . . . -But I haven't . . . I don't want to hear any more about it. If you don't get married, I'll fire both of you. -Helen, while you're downtown, you might stop in and make reservations for the bridal suite on the Berengaria sailing next week. Gee, thanks, Mr. Dickson— -What's the matter? What's going on here? This is ridiculous! You can't hold this boy on a vague suspicion. I'm afraid I must, Mr. Dickson. -I'm afraid I must, Mr. Dickson. Why pick on him ? -Why pick on him ? It's an inside job. That's a cinch. Whoever did it had a pretty good picture of the layout. Now Brown, here, is in charge of the vaults, isn't he? -It's an inside job. That's a cinch. Whoever did it had a pretty good picture of the layout. Now Brown, here, is in charge of the vaults, isn't he? Yes. -What time did this thing happen? The clock opposite the vault was stopped by a bullet at 12:09. -The clock opposite the vault was stopped by a bullet at 12:09. All right. If the boy proves an alibi, he's all right, isn't he? -All right. If the boy proves an alibi, he's all right, isn't he? If he can do it, yes. -If he can do it, yes. Why, certainly he can. Matt, now all you've got to do is tell them where you were last night, between twelve and twelve-thirty, and everything will be all right. -That's what he says. I got a man from headquarters checking up on it now. Good. You've got nothing to worry about. Soon as the report comes in, you'll be released. And listen, don't talk so loud. Take it easy. Coast a little. -All I know is the bank's been robbed and a murder's been committed. The way I see it, Brown here looks guilty. What are you talking about? He had no more to do with it than you did. -What are you talking about? He had no more to do with it than you did. Maybe. But I'm taking no chances. Why, this kid's got a record. -Maybe. But I'm taking no chances. Why, this kid's got a record. So have you. So have I. So's everybody got a record. What difference does that make? You can't go around pinning crimes on people just because they— -Of course it's true - and he knows it. Listen, Matt. If you don't tell the truth, I can't help you. Where were you last night? -You were right, Mr. Dickson! Brown didn't have anything to do with it. Here's your man. Why, you must be crazy. I've known this man for years. -Why, you must be crazy. I've known this man for years. He's just confessed. He's been mixed up with the toughest gangsters in town. -My wife? What's she got to do with you? No wonder he didn't want to mention her name. -You're lying! Don't worry, Mr. Dickson. We'll find out whether he's telling the truth. I'll have a man from headquarters check up on it right away. -Don't worry, Mr. Dickson. We'll find out whether he's telling the truth. I'll have a man from headquarters check up on it right away. You don't want to check up on anybody. I'll do all the checking up. Wait a minute. -Well, Sampson, what is it? Here's the data on the Clyde deal. -Good. I'll take this along with me. Tell Clyde I'll see him tomorrow. I'm sick and tired of the delay. I'm afraid he's been stalling. -I'm afraid he's been stalling. That's just exactly what he has been doing. This deal should have been closed weeks ago. Tell him to keep tomorrow open . . . -That's just exactly what he has been doing. This deal should have been closed weeks ago. Tell him to keep tomorrow open . . . He says he can't get away in the daytime. -He says he can't get away in the daytime. How about his nights? He's too busy running around. Tell him to keep tomorrow night open, come in and sign this thing, or I'll call this whole deal off. -How about his nights? He's too busy running around. Tell him to keep tomorrow night open, come in and sign this thing, or I'll call this whole deal off. Yes, sir. -The lobby's half filled now. What are you talking about? -They've been coming in steady all morning. I have called for some extra police. All right. Send down to the vaults and have our reserve cash sent up here right away. -All right. Send down to the vaults and have our reserve cash sent up here right away. We haven't much on hand, you know. If it gets any worse, I hope we don't have to close the doors. -The bank's reputation wouldn't be worth a nickel after that. This is just a flurry, that's all. They've heard about the robbery and got panic-stricken. Listen, get a hold of our available securities and have them turned into cash. Wait a minute. Get my personal stuff and have that turned into cash too. Tell the boys anyone caught arguing with a depositor will be fired on the spot. Yes, sir. -Look at them, Mr. Dickson. They're going crazy. Did you get the case for the securities? -Did you get the case for the securities? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Mine too? -Mine too? Yes, sir. But soon as our money runs out, they'll mob the place. -The fools! If they only knew it, they're making things worse for themselves. Somebody starts a silly rumor, and they lose their heads. What'll we do? -What'll we do? I'll talk to them. Listen, go back and tell the boys to stall as much as possible. Tell 'em not to pay any attention to what I said. Tell 'em to verify every signature. -We can't keep open till four o'clock. We haven't cash enough to last an hour. Don't you think I know it? -Mr. Dickson! Mr. Dickson! Get all the big bills in the place. Take them out and get them changed. Get nothing but ones and fives. Distribute them among the tellers. Tell them to take their time. Stall as much as possible. Count and recount the money. -Get all the big bills in the place. Take them out and get them changed. Get nothing but ones and fives. Distribute them among the tellers. Tell them to take their time. Stall as much as possible. Count and recount the money. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. I hate to do this, but I've got to have time to dig up some help. I think I know where I can get some real cash. Snap into it, Sampson. We will lick this thing yet. -Yes, ma'am, you can deposit your money here. Is it safe? -Is it safe? Absolutely. -Absolutely. It's his life insurance money, you know. -Quiet down, please! Take it easy, folks. Everything will be all right. But you said it would be safe! It's his life insurance money. Oh, please, I'll go to the Old Ladies' Home if you don't do something, please! -But you said it would be safe! It's his life insurance money. Oh, please, I'll go to the Old Ladies' Home if you don't do something, please! Please, lady. Please be quiet. Everything will be all right. Open up here, folks. All right, folks, please! -How-do-you-do, Mrs. Dickson. Is that busy husband of mine busy? -Is that busy husband of mine busy? He's at a board meeting. -He's at a board meeting. Board meeting. Oh, that means hours, I suppose. -Board meeting. Oh, that means hours, I suppose. I'm afraid so. -I'm afraid so. Helen, did you ever try competing with a bank? -Helen, did you ever try competing with a bank? No. -No. Well, take my word for it, and don't try it. It's useless! If it were some other woman, I could handle her, but after all, you can't scratch a bank's eyes out now, can you? -Well, take my word for it, and don't try it. It's useless! If it were some other woman, I could handle her, but after all, you can't scratch a bank's eyes out now, can you? Hardly. -Oh, well. I guess the only other thing for me to do is to go out and buy myself a few sticks of dynamite. When he comes out, you tell him I'll be back. He hasn't gotten rid of me! All right. -Hello, Helen! Matt, come here! -Matt, come here! Why? -Why? Come here, honey! -Hey, look out, somebody's likely to see us! Oh, is that so? -What did you do with it? With what? -With what? The ten dollars. -The ten dollars. Oh, ten dollars— -Oh, ten dollars— Yes. -Yes. A friend of mine - yeah, really - his mother was terribly sick and she was dying, would you believe it? -No. Oh, you think I'm lying? -Oh, you think I'm lying? Yes. -Yes. All right, I'm lying. Don't forget you called me a liar. -All right, I'm lying. Don't forget you called me a liar. Oh, Matt. -Say, I just heard the merger isn't going thru. Isn't that grand? Yeah, swell. -What happened? What did he say? Did you get the job? Yeah. -What's the matter, Matt? Gee, I thought you'd be thrilled to death. Come here. You know, a few minutes ago I was in Cluett's office and Mrs. Dickson was there. -Come here. You know, a few minutes ago I was in Cluett's office and Mrs. Dickson was there. Well . . . ? -Well . . . ? Well, he was making love to her. -Oh Matt, you must be mistaken. I tell you, I saw them! -In Cluett's office? Yes, right in his office, the rat. I'd like to take a crack at that guy. -What's keeping you? Oh, Charlie again. -Oh, Charlie again. Say Matt, you haven't done anything about what you saw today, have you? -Say Matt, you haven't done anything about what you saw today, have you? Who? Cluett? No, not yet. But I'd like to take a crack at that stiff- necked, horse dollar.[6] -Who? Cluett? No, not yet. But I'd like to take a crack at that stiff- necked, horse dollar.[6] Oh now, don't be silly. -Oh now, don't be silly. Can you imagine that guy? He was kissing her. -Can you imagine that guy? He was kissing her. Now you've got me worried, dear. Promise me you won't butt in. -Now you've got me worried, dear. Promise me you won't butt in. Okay, honey - but just the same I'd like to take a crack at that— -Shh . . . ! I'll wait for you upstairs. All right, dear. -Oh, Matt . . . Don't cry, honey. Everything's gonna be all right. -What's he doing, honey? Is he getting any help? Something's happened. He isn't trying anymore. -Something's happened. He isn't trying anymore. They must have turned him down. -They must have turned him down. Yes. He called some of the biggest people in town. -Yes. He called some of the biggest people in town. Sure, they'd turn him down. He ought to know that. I'm going in there and talk to him. -Did you talk to him? Yeah. I got an idea. Come on, let's get to a telephone. -Dickson's in a jam I tell you. The run's getting worse. Mr. Williams . . . -Mr. Williams . . . The big guys have got the screws on him. You've got to come through for him, Mr. Conway. He came through for you a hundred times. If his friends don't help him, who is going to help him? -The big guys have got the screws on him. You've got to come through for him, Mr. Conway. He came through for you a hundred times. If his friends don't help him, who is going to help him? Matt, look! There's Mr. Jones! -Did you say Dude Finlay? Yes, why? -Yes, why? He was in the bank yesterday. -He was in the bank yesterday. He was here? -He was here? He came to see Mr. Cluett. -He came to see Mr. Cluett. Are you sure? -Are you sure? Yes, sir. -What did you find out, Mike? I've been trailing the cashier like you told me. You're right about that guy, chief. There's something screwy somewhere. -I've been trailing the cashier like you told me. You're right about that guy, chief. There's something screwy somewhere. Never mind all that. What did you find out? -Never mind all that. What did you find out? He left here about an hour ago and went down to Dude Finlay's joint. -He left here about an hour ago and went down to Dude Finlay's joint. Dude Finlay? -Dude Finlay? Yes, sir. -Do you know this young man, Mrs. Halligan? Sure I do. He has the best room in me house. The one with the fancy wallpaper. -—for the rheumatism, you know. What time was it, Mrs. Halligan? -What time was it, Mrs. Halligan? It was late, I know. The Dooley sisters was already in. They work at a show, you know. -What time was it? Huh? -Huh? What time did Matt Brown get in? -What time did Matt Brown get in? Now, let me see - a half hour after the Dooley sisters - and the Dooley sisters never get home until after— -Now, let me see - a half hour after the Dooley sisters - and the Dooley sisters never get home until after— I don't care about the Dooley sisters - what time did he get in? -I don't care about the Dooley sisters - what time did he get in? That's just what I'm trying to tell you, sir. It was a half hour after the Dooley sisters . . . -That's just what I'm trying to tell you, sir. It was a half hour after the Dooley sisters . . . Was it twelve o'clock? -Yes, I guess it was one, 'cause... It couldn't have been earlier? -It couldn't have been earlier? No. It wasn't earlier because... -No. It wasn't earlier because... Yes, I know. Cause the Dooley sisters weren't in yet. -Yes, I know. Cause the Dooley sisters weren't in yet. No - because me clock struck four, and when it strikes four, it's one. -No - because me clock struck four, and when it strikes four, it's one. There you are! -Listen here, young man - nobody ever called me a liar yet and got away with it— That's all, Mrs. Halligan. Thanks. -You turned off the burglar alarm, you set the time clock, came back at twelve and emptied the boxes, didn't you? wasn't anywhere near this place— -wasn't anywhere near this place— Sit down! When the watchman surprised you, you shot him - what'd you do with the gun? -Sit down! When the watchman surprised you, you shot him - what'd you do with the gun? I didn't do it! I haven't got a gun! -I didn't do it! I haven't got a gun! You used to carry a gun, didn't you? -Then who changed it? I don't know. -So you were home last night? Yes. -Yes. What time did you get in? -What time did you get in? Well, about - uh - eleven o'clock. -Well, about - uh - eleven o'clock. Eleven o'clock, eh? Are you sure it was that? -Eleven o'clock, eh? Are you sure it was that? Yes. -But I wasn't here, Mr. Dickson. Honest I wasn't . . . Then where were you? -You're carrying too much money on you, Hank. You better turn some in tonight. Okay, Matt. -How are you fixed? I'm okay, Matt. -I'm okay, Matt. You've got enough? -That mug reminds me of a guy with his second dollar. Yeah, what did he do with his first one? -Yeah, what did he do with his first one? Bought himself a pocketbook! -Everybody in? I guess so. -I guess so. Where's Charlie? -Where's Charlie? Charlie's upstairs as sore as a pup. He's out fourteen cents, and he can't find it. -Certainly, Mr. Jones! Certainly! Charlie! They're starting to come in already. Yeah. Yeah. Well, listen. Don't waste any time. Get all the money you can lay your hands on, and bring it down here right away. Step on it. -You can ride like that? I said like a Comanche, not this Comanche. -I think I may just go on to the reservation. Tom, I'm this close to coming with you... -I couldn't lose him. Jim Younger, I told you-- -This is healing? Sometimes a wound will kill. -Sometimes a wound will kill. Now you tell us. -Gatling! They've got a Gatling! Dammit, this stopped being fun about two years ago! -He's smiling. Never a good thing. -Never thought that pissant town would look so pretty. Anywhere nobody's shooting at me is pretty. -Your Ma wouldn't let us leave until we ate something. That was two hours ago. -Here's Liberty's favorite son! I'll never forget what you did, cousin. Zee, I'm pleased you came. -Our place, Clell Miller's, Sammy Johnston, the Creeders. Will Hite. The sheriff says it was a gang of drunk Kansas boys. -The sheriff says it was a gang of drunk Kansas boys. I say we ride into town and kill us some Pinkertons and railroad men. -These are deeds and mortgages of farms the bank was holding for the railroad. Better pass them over here before something happens to 'em. -Uhh, yeah it does. You stay out of this, Bob. -No, Jimmy has a point. The Younger-James Gang could be confusing. How? -How? "Say we bust into a bank. We yell ""We're the Younger-James Gang!"" People are gonna be thinking, ""The younger James Gang? Is there an older James Gang? How come we never heard of the older James gang?"" So people are trying to figure that out instead of raising their arms." -We got a problem here, brother? Frankly, yes. I'm feeling a little left out. -That's what the newspapers say. Weren't for Jesse James, this gang wouldn't be able to find a goat's ass with a stick. What? -This is the best score yet. It's still taking too long. The people used to snap to. -It's still taking too long. The people used to snap to. That was because of... the reputation the gang had. -That was because of... the reputation the gang had. As long as people think Jesse's still riding, we will never get the respect we deserve. -As long as people think Jesse's still riding, we will never get the respect we deserve. Cole, we're outlaws. Not exactly the most respectable job, if you know what I mean. -Cole, we're outlaws. Not exactly the most respectable job, if you know what I mean. Leave me alone, Bob. -How'd they -- What have you done? -What have you done? I ain't done -- -I ain't done -- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! -Bob. I didn't... Swear. -Swear. I swear -- -I swear -- Swear on Jimmy's grave. -I'm sorry, Cole. You're just upset about Jesse. We all are. -"Things changed when you quit the gang. For example, I'm now the one who says ""Let's ride.""" He's not bad at it. -He's not bad at it. It's tougher than it looks. -My plan of lying here pissing myself seems to be working mighty fine, thank you. I can hit those boys from here. We just need a distraction. -Yesterday. Well, somebody better go tell THE DAMN YANKEES! -Corn gonna shoot at me? Nope. -Nope. Then I love it. -Jesus mercy, that's Charlie Higgins, Dave Laller ... ... Will Perry ... -Cole, I want to get to the farm, make sure Little Jim and the girls are okay. Stop by our spread after that, tell our Ma we're all right. We'll go to Doc Mimms. -They came up, made the same offer they made you folks. Our little brother Jim tried to chase 'em off, one of those detectives hit him in the head, knocked him out. Cole lost his temper. Oh no... -Oh no... He just lost his temper a little. -Damn! They said because the detectives were working for the Department of the Interior -- -They said because the detectives were working for the Department of the Interior -- The Army can hang him. -The Army can hang him. Tomorrow. -Home. We go home. We ride like hell to get there, and we kill anything or anyone that comes between us and our homes. And when we get there we stay there and God help any fool who tries to get me to leave my farm again. Best damn plan I heard all war. -How many of them did he kill? Two. -You have no shame. Not yet. But I'm hoping. -But if we take their money and supplies... Exactly. -All right, settle down. All this money ain't ours. Well, no, Jesse, it was the bank's. That's why we had to go to all that trouble of stealing it. You explain it to him. -Well, no, Jesse, it was the bank's. That's why we had to go to all that trouble of stealing it. You explain it to him. We oughta take some of this, give it to our neighbors in Liberty. Lot of people hurting up there. -"""The outlaws calling themselves the James-Younger Gang shot their way out of town, wounding the Sherriff and three other townsfolk.""" Hey! -Hey! """Bank officials estimate the loss at fifty thousand dollars.""" -Okay, folks, I think we know how this is going to go... One false move and I'll blow your heads off! -Beg pardon? You heard me, Jesse. You know how crazy I get! -"This is about the ""Wanted!"" Posters, isn't it." Yes. I am obviously not standing out in people's minds at the robberies. -The things a fella has to do to get a little respect around here... You are a fine figure of a man. -You are a fine figure of a man. Listen, Jesse, we've got a problem. It's Cole. -Listen, Jesse, we've got a problem. It's Cole. He's been full of vinegar lately. -He's been full of vinegar lately. He's planning a job. -He's planning a job. What? -What? Listen, he's my brother and I don't want to start trouble... -Listen, he's my brother and I don't want to start trouble... Tell me. -What? You, ya barrel of pork lard. Here piggy piggy! -What you sayin' boy? I think I recognize you. -I think I recognize you. How? -How? I think I saw you leavin' by the front door just as I was coming in the back. -You shut up now, boy. No, really. You're wife said she needed some help, seeing as you were so fat you couldn't find your -- -'Bout time you got here, buddy. What's going on? -Ride with me, cousin? I could use the walk. -I could use the walk. Suit yourself. We'll have some horses waiting for you at the road. Let's ride, Rangers! -Where you boys going? There's Yankees back there. Lot's of 'em. -Home, boys. Back to our farms. Planting corn. Harvesting corn. Year after year. -Hands off your hip, Cole. You're not scared, are you? -You're not scared, are you? Pick your fights, cousin. You taught me that. -Not now. What is wrong with you? -What is wrong with you? In case we have to kill these sonofabitches, I don't want them to see us coming. -You ever notice Zerelda's eyes? She got two of them. -She had a moustache. She was European! -She was European! All right, calm down. I'll agree Sadie was a woman -- -Thanks for the help. After all you did on our farm? You miss it, don't you Jesse? -After all you did on our farm? You miss it, don't you Jesse? The war? What, are you crazy? There are things I miss about it. -The war? What, are you crazy? There are things I miss about it. It was exciting. -It was exciting. But it was a whole lot of killing. Why should we miss that? -Because we were good at it? Hell, we were great at it. Jesse, don't tell anyone I said this, because everybody knows I'm the toughest man in this town, but you are one terrifying sonofabitch with those guns. Yeah. -This isn't a feud, this is war. They've got more men than we do. We kill detectives, they can replace 'em in a day. So what do we do, General Lee? -So what do we do, General Lee? Just like in the war. Harass their supply lines. We kill the railroad's men, they won't care. -I'll pick the first job! I mean... I know a girl down at the bank. See if she can't get a list of towns where the railroad keeps its money. Perfect, Cole. -Perfect, Cole. Let's ride. -The James-Younger Gang. Sorry. -Sorry. Don't let it happen again. -I got seven thousand. I got three. -See, Frank's being smart about this. Just because he reads all those books and knows all those big words doesn't make him smart. -It's not a bank. It's better. It's a construction depot. They'll have the strongbox and some ammo and explosives for us to take. That way we can take on a bigger job. -"""The Fidelity Bank and Trust was robbed on Tuesday by a gang of twenty heavily armed men.""" Twenty?! -Jesse, we got to have a word. Sure, cousin. -Sure, cousin. "All the posters and newspapers are calling this bunch the ""James-Younger Gang.""" -"All the posters and newspapers are calling this bunch the ""James-Younger Gang.""" Yep. -Yep. "Why aren't we the ""Younger-James Gang""? I mean, there's three Younger brothers and only two James brothers here." -This is your fault for hogging all the publicity. Hold on, hold on, we all know Bob is an important part of the gang. -It'll be the biggest score yet. What will be? -Smells funny, it being mentioned in the paper. If you'd read about it first, you'd have no problems. -If you'd read about it first, you'd have no problems. What are you saying? -What are you saying? I've robbed just as many banks as you have! I know this town, and I know this bank, and I say it's an easy job. -I've robbed just as many banks as you have! I know this town, and I know this bank, and I say it's an easy job. You're forgetting who's in charge -- -Beautiful. Now the one time one of us comes up with an idea -- -Now the one time one of us comes up with an idea -- A bad idea. -A bad idea. I got us through the War all right. -I got us through the War all right. And almost got hanged in peacetime. -And almost got hanged in peacetime. That's it. -I'm the better soldier, Jesse. And I'm the better outlaw. -Still smells fishy. Then let me run the show, General Lee. -Fine. We hit this bank. You'll be smiling once you've got all that money to spend, cousin. Cole Younger's going to make everybody rich! -Dammit! A trap. -Okay, you're gonna rest here. Clell, Tom, go get Doc Mimms in Liberty! -Bob, rip up some bandages. Pass me some whisky. -We'll make them pay for this. I'm out. -I'm out. WHAT?! We follow you for a year, and now that our blood's been spilled, you're gonna quit?! -WHAT?! We follow you for a year, and now that our blood's been spilled, you're gonna quit?! Who's next? You? Me? Bob? -Missed you, cousin. Missed you too, cousin. -You know, you gettin' caught, right after leaving us, some people thought -- Pff. All we been through, the thought never crossed my mind. -Where'd you get all these riders? We didn't. Zerelda did. Turns out your wife makes a hell of an outlaw. -Some Indian tracker you turned out to be, Tom. You pay me to find you Bluecoats. There they are. -Wait'll we get back to Missouri, start telling those gals about how little Jesse James charged the whole Union Army by himself! You ride like a Comanche. -Tom, why don't you stop at our spread before you head on out to the reservation? Figure we might have some work for you, if you want. Hmm. Go back to the reservation and get drunk in a dirt shack, or work for you... -Hmm. Go back to the reservation and get drunk in a dirt shack, or work for you... Well? -Well? I'm thinking... -Cannon or Gatling? Both would be nice. -Both would be nice. Soon as I hit one, the other'll know and beat us up. -What the -- Must be a garrison in town. We're in occupied territory, boys. -I think one of 'em's glass. Which one, right or left? -Which one, right or left? The brown one. -Oh, Lord, the dance hall girl at Bunty's... Sadie was not a man! -I have no idea what you just said, but it sounded real nice. Shakespeare. He's European. -Shakespeare. He's European. Ah. -BASTARDS! Come back here and face me! Get buckets! -Hey! We decide something, that's it! We're in this for the long haul, and this idea of me and Jesse's will help give us more places to hide out without worrying about some farmer with a shotgun sneakin' up on us in our sleep. We've got to think -- Strategically. -Strategically. -- Exactly. Because this is a war. -Jesse. Oh, you're in charge? We ain't partners any more, Jesse? You tell Cole Younger where and when to ride? -Oh, you're in charge? We ain't partners any more, Jesse? You tell Cole Younger where and when to ride? Cole, he didn't mean that. -Another dozen out back. They gonna rush us? -They gonna rush us? They're just insurance in case we run. -The safe. Now. Of course! Uh, sir? -Of course! Uh, sir? What? -What? Where is Jesse James? -Where is Jesse James? This here is the Younger Gang! -OPEN THE DAMN SAFE! All right, all right. Jesse James never yelled at folk... -You 'um big lawman? Yeah, Injun. What do you want? -Yeah, Injun. What do you want? Great Chief of St. Louis send me. -Great Chief of St. Louis send me. The District Marshall -Of St. Louis? Ho-yah. Him say tell Big Lawman in Carville that badman Jesse James riding toward Rising Sun, above Great River, near Eagle Rock. -Ho-yah. Him say tell Big Lawman in Carville that badman Jesse James riding toward Rising Sun, above Great River, near Eagle Rock. East? East above the river heading for the Eagle Pass? -East? East above the river heading for the Eagle Pass? Ho-yah! -Go ahead to the saloon. But don't get too drunk! Me get heap firewater -- -I know it ain't no durned bank holiday! You're right, sir. -You're right, sir. Then why can't I go in there? -Then why can't I go in there? On account of we're robbing it. -On account of we're robbing it. Oh. Why didn't you just say so? -Oh. Why didn't you just say so? It's a secret. -It's a secret. Fine. I'll just wait here. -Fine. I'll just wait here. I'd appreciate that. -What the -- What is it? -What is it? Old Man Tucker is just standing quiet outside the bank. -Old Man Tucker is just standing quiet outside the bank. So? -So? When have you ever known Old Man Tucker not to be yelling at everybody? -Where the hell were you? I had you covered. From back there. -I had you covered. From back there. Shit. --- rode right into them, screaming like a banshee. My little Web did that? -My little Web did that? Pff. He jumped his horse clear over our heads, killed a dozen Union soldiers before they knew what hit them. -Web died fighting? Died a hero. -Boys... Go home, Doc. They ain't gonna hang no more Liberty boys. -What do you say, sir? Go on. You're pretty much all healed up. -You know you're welcome any time! Yesss, but I was thinking, I could come by, and then take Zee out. Some place near. With other folk. Near. Here. But out. -Yesss, but I was thinking, I could come by, and then take Zee out. Some place near. With other folk. Near. Here. But out. It's fine by me, Jesse. -Daddy, don't start with this again. Zerelda, it's no coincidence. The railroad men come through, offering to buy up land. Nobody sells. Then they start hanging men who own farms for treason? -He's going to be fine, right Daddy? The bullet came out clean, but he lost a whole lot of blood. Praying wouldn't hurt. -They're gone. What are you -- I fooled them into thinking I was alone. -I fooled them into thinking I was alone. Well, I hope the boy pulls through. We should know in the morning. -Well, I hope the boy pulls through. We should know in the morning. I think he's already feeling better. -He thinks this is some kind of game! I'm upset too, Zee, but Jesse and Cole know what they're doing. I'm sure they won't press their luck. -Every time I put my head up to hit that Gatling, they try to shoot it off. So we got a plan? -Distracting enough for you? Pff. They hardly even noticed you. -Pff. They hardly even noticed you. So you're saying I could have done more to attract their attention. -So you're saying I could have done more to attract their attention. Mm-hmm. -Mm-hmm. Such as? -Such as? You could have worn one of those big, floppy woman's Easter Sunday hats. -You could have worn one of those big, floppy woman's Easter Sunday hats. That would have made an impression. -That would have made an impression. I figure. -I figure. See, that's your problem, Frank. By the time you finish figuring out stuff, I'm already finished doing it. -See, that's your problem, Frank. By the time you finish figuring out stuff, I'm already finished doing it. No, Jesse, your problem is you're always doing stuff before I'm finished figuring it out. -Web's dead. I reckoned. -I reckoned. Hell of a war. -Hell of a war. I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time. -Hello, Liberty Missoura! All this time in the saddle... We get to the farm, I'm going to shoot this damn horse just on principle. -Looks like Web Mimms wasn't the only casualty this town's got. We better go to Doc's, see what's going on here. -Frank, don't you have something to say? You're doing just fine. -You're doing just fine. Zee, we got to talk to you and your father. -Whyyyy... he took down the Gatling gun and the cannon all by himself. Saved all our lives, Doc. None of the Liberty boys would have come home if not for Web Mimms, Doc. God's honest truth. -All we thought about was coming home. I swore I'd kill anybody who tried to get me off my farm again. If I have to go to war with the railroad to stay, fine by me. Think about this. If we just come up with a story and stick to it, we should be all right. -Think about this. If we just come up with a story and stick to it, we should be all right. What kind of story are they going to believe? -That just might work. Maybe, maybe... -"""Big and older""?" You can shut up now. -You can shut up now. You are a charmer. -You are a charmer. I swear I'll shoot you in your sleep. -I swear I'll shoot you in your sleep. "Next time try ""fat and haggard.""" -She's still talking to Jesus. What worries me is that Jesus is talking back. --- if you stop saying things about my Zee. "Your Zee? Hmm. ""From women's eyes this doctrine I derive: they sparkle still the right Promethean fire; They are the books, the arts, the academes, that show, contain, and nourish all the world.""" -You know him? Heard of him. -I went up to the courthouse and looked at the right of way documents for the rail bed. The railroad doesn't even need our land, they're just taking the land on both sides for as far as they can. Damn. All that reading paid off. -You ready to stop loafing around with this young lady and get back to farming? What do you think? -What do you think? Would you get in the carriage? Until Ma has you home so she can fuss over you herself, she's gonna make me miserable. -You're looking a bit more spry now that somebody -- Shut up. Uh, Doc, I was wondering if, uh, this evening, I could come by? -Pinkertons. It's the railroad. Ma. -... We could move on. Rebuild. Make a decent life someplace else. Don't care. -Don't care. Didn't think you would. I'm going to go make the coffin. -Didn't think you would. I'm going to go make the coffin. Make a thousand of 'em. Still won't be enough by the time I'm through. -How'd it go in there? Fine. How'd it go out here? -Fine. How'd it go out here? We're gonna have to talk... -And I planned getting you off the hangman's deck -- And that's why you both lead the gang. Two of you went into that bank together, right? -And it's guarded by Pinkerton detectives. And I do so want to shoot some Pinkerton detectives. -I don't think it's counterfeit. Do you mind if I take a look at all your real bills to compare? It's the scientific method. It's all the rage. -Gents, we are in the middle of something here. Bob's upset. -Bob's upset. The posters? -Pardon the delay, folks, but we had to get Mad Bob Younger under control! Bob here'll kill a man for sneezing, and he's the best shot in the gang. -This has been a good year. Jesse, we're outlaws. -Jesse, we're outlaws. And we're good at it. -And we're good at it. It got to you, didn't it. All the killing in the war. You need it now. -It got to you, didn't it. All the killing in the war. You need it now. You've killed your fair share of men. -You've killed your fair share of men. If I could go back to farming -- -If I could go back to farming -- That's a lie. You could've bought a dozen farms with the money we've stolen. -That's a lie. You could've bought a dozen farms with the money we've stolen. I can't quit and leave you alone. I can't quit until you quit. Ma would've wanted it that way. -I can't quit and leave you alone. I can't quit until you quit. Ma would've wanted it that way. We're doing this for Ma. -We're doing this for Ma. Maybe it started out that way. But now... -Maybe it started out that way. But now... What do you want me to say, Frank? I was killing men when I was fifteen. I like getting shot at. I like riding out of town with a posse at my back. This is a helluva better life than farming. -What do you want me to say, Frank? I was killing men when I was fifteen. I like getting shot at. I like riding out of town with a posse at my back. This is a helluva better life than farming. A better life than the one you could have had with Zee? -We're drunk. Oh yeah. -Oh yeah. Just do me a favor. Think about what this is costing everybody. Not just the railroad. -You taking sides against me, now, Frank? No, I -- -They're all pinned down. Can't even get to the door. Got any ideas, little brother? -Shoulda learned with Web. Made it look fun, made it look like an adventure. Got Web killed. Now Jim. Jim was old enough... -Jim was old enough... He was a boy riding with the most famous outlaws in the West. How was he supposed to say no to that? -He was a boy riding with the most famous outlaws in the West. How was he supposed to say no to that? Railroad burned him out too. You couldn't have stopped him. -Railroad burned him out too. You couldn't have stopped him. You're a piss-poor liar for the smartest man I know. -You're a piss-poor liar for the smartest man I know. Yeah. -Yeah. A war against the railroad. What the hell were we thinking? -A war against the railroad. What the hell were we thinking? I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time. -I'll meet you down there in a few weeks. See you soon. Oh, and I appreciate the distraction back there. -See you soon. Oh, and I appreciate the distraction back there. Hell, they hardly even noticed us. -Y'know, Uncle Frank... Yeah, Jimmy? -Yeah, Jimmy? ...every time you tell that story, you stop there. That's not how it ended. I was five when my dad got shot. -...every time you tell that story, you stop there. That's not how it ended. I was five when my dad got shot. I know. But that's how it should have ended. Your Dad and Mom, riding off into a new life, growing old together, happy. -Allow a man his version of the past. When you get to be my age, you've got enough painful memories, you're allowed to soften a few of the edges up. Sounds like he was a hell of a man. -Sounds like he was a hell of a man. That he was. -That he was. They're making him a hero now. -They're making him a hero now. Saved a lot of folk from the railroad. -Saved a lot of folk from the railroad. But he killed a lot of men, too. -But he killed a lot of men, too. Can't argue that. -Can't argue that. So what was he? -So what was he? I think... he was just a real interestin' fella to have around. -Uncle Frank? Yeah Jimmy? -Yeah Jimmy? How much of that story is true? -How much of that story is true? Everything but the boring parts. -Did you kill Yankees? A fair number, Ma. -A fair number, Ma. Say your prayers? -Ma, I'm glad to see you being nice to our Injun friend. He's a good Christian and he killed Yankees. Jesus told me that made him an all right boy. -Easterners. We're just fine, thank you, sir. -The Lord says we can bury 'em out back in the orchard, nobody'll ever find them. Somebody's in a vengeful smiting mood today. -Ma! Please! Boys? -Riders -- We know, Ma. Now we got to get you to Doc Mimms. -We know, Ma. Now we got to get you to Doc Mimms. Take care of each other, boys. You say your prayers. -Doc Mimms will -- Shush. -Zerelda? Little Zee Mimms? You were little Jesse James when you left. -You were little Jesse James when you left. But you got big! -But still died. If there's anything we can do for you, Dr. Mimms. We want to help. -Jesse, are you awake? Mmmm. -Jesse, is that your hand? Nuh-huh ... -You shouldn't be up. I've been on my back two weeks. I'm sick of it. -I've been on my back two weeks. I'm sick of it. You're sick of my company? -You're sick of my company? No! I mean, of course not. No. -No! I mean, of course not. No. Teasing you is completely unfair. -Teasing you is completely unfair. What you do to me is unfair. The teasing, I mean. -What you do to me is unfair. The teasing, I mean. I shouldn't tease a hero. -I shouldn't tease a hero. What? -What? Everybody in the county knows it was you who rescued Cole. We're all so proud of you, Jesse. And not a single farm's been sold to the railroad since. You're everybody's hero. -Everybody in the county knows it was you who rescued Cole. We're all so proud of you, Jesse. And not a single farm's been sold to the railroad since. You're everybody's hero. I wasn't the only one risking my neck that day. -I wasn't the only one risking my neck that day. So you're saying I should leave you alone and go spend time with Jimmy Younger? -So you're saying I should leave you alone and go spend time with Jimmy Younger? Unfair. You are completely unfair. -I used to come to this tree when I was a kid and imagine what my life would be like when I got older. You didn't want to farm? -You didn't want to farm? I was thinking more along the lines of being a river pirate. -I was thinking more along the lines of being a river pirate. A river pirate. -A river pirate. Arr. Hand over your jewels, Missy. -Arr. Hand over your jewels, Missy. Thank God you grew out of that. You did grow out of that, didn't you? -Thank God you grew out of that. You did grow out of that, didn't you? Mostly. It would be an all right life, for a bachelor. -Mostly. It would be an all right life, for a bachelor. You planning on being a bachelor your whole life, Jesse James? -You planning on being a bachelor your whole life, Jesse James? Not if I find the right girl. -Not if I find the right girl. And what's this right girl like? -And what's this right girl like? Smart. Funny. Bossy. Always makes me think she's two steps ahead of me. And big buck teeth. -Smart. Funny. Bossy. Always makes me think she's two steps ahead of me. And big buck teeth. Where will you find such a girl? -Where will you find such a girl? Honestly, you'd do if only you had the buck teeth. -"Ahem. ""From this doctrine..."" No, ah... ""From women's eyes this doctrine I derive, they sparkle still like ... shiny... sparkling rocks...""" Sparkling rocks? -Sparkling rocks? Little ones. -Little ones. Is this one of Frank's Shakespeare poems you're trying to quote? -Is this one of Frank's Shakespeare poems you're trying to quote? Yep. -Yep. Were you planning on kissing me when you finished quoting? -Were you planning on kissing me when you finished quoting? I've been planning on kissin' you for a very long time. -I am so sorry, Jesse. Frank and me have to go away for a while. -You and I, we've started... something, you know? I don't know what'll happen if you do this. Me neither. -Me neither. Let the law -- -Let the law -- Laws don't touch men like Thaddeus Rains. Only justice does. -Laws don't touch men like Thaddeus Rains. Only justice does. Whose justice? Yours or God's? When will you stop? -Whose justice? Yours or God's? When will you stop? When my name makes them cry in their sleep. When I've brought them to ashes. -Zee. Jesse. What are you thinking? There are bounty hunters and lawmen all over this county! -Jesse. What are you thinking? There are bounty hunters and lawmen all over this county! I had to see you. I'm getting married. -I don't understand. She's the most wonderful woman in the world. Can't get her out of my mind. -She's the most wonderful woman in the world. Can't get her out of my mind. That's... wonderful. It's just... I thought... -That's... wonderful. It's just... I thought... She's beautiful. Smart. And has the biggest... buck teeth in all of Missouri. -I would never have imagined us in a place like this. That's why I picked it. We can start a whole new life down here. -That's why I picked it. We can start a whole new life down here. Are you going to be happy here, Mr. James? Without all that excitement? -Are you going to be happy here, Mr. James? Without all that excitement? I've got you. You keep me busy. I figure we'll get over to the hotel... get checked in, cleaned up... then I'd like to do something I've been thinking about for a long time. -I've got you. You keep me busy. I figure we'll get over to the hotel... get checked in, cleaned up... then I'd like to do something I've been thinking about for a long time. Now wait a minute. There are certain things that have to wait until after the wedding. -Hmm. """Hmm"" what?" -"""Hmm"" what?" """But the life of the James Gang wasn't all robbing and shooting and killing, for these young Missouri bucks had a taste for the ladies... especially the handsome and charismatic Jesse James.""" -I beg your pardon? """Blazing Guns of the West. True Stories of Jesse James."" Only a dime in the hotel lobby." -"""Blazing Guns of the West. True Stories of Jesse James."" Only a dime in the hotel lobby." Let me see that. -Let me see that. "Oh, I'm not finished. ""When he sauntered into a saloon, his spurs jangling and his pockets full of gold, the ladies flocked around him like flies to a candied apple."" As I said. Hmm." -"Oh, I'm not finished. ""When he sauntered into a saloon, his spurs jangling and his pockets full of gold, the ladies flocked around him like flies to a candied apple."" As I said. Hmm." Now, sweetie, y'all wouldn't go believing one of them silly dime novels, would you? -Now, sweetie, y'all wouldn't go believing one of them silly dime novels, would you? Jesse, have you ever noticed that when you're trying to charm your way out of trouble, your accent gets all farm boy? -Jesse, have you ever noticed that when you're trying to charm your way out of trouble, your accent gets all farm boy? Aw, shucks, ma'am... -Aw, shucks, ma'am... Stop it. This is just sad. -Stop it. This is just sad. Swimming. Swimming is good. -Don't turn around. What? -What? If you don't see it, it's not real... -You get arrested again, I'll kill you. Yes ma'am. -Yes ma'am. I can't believe I had to blow up a train for you. -I can't believe I had to blow up a train for you. You are a hell of a woman. -You are a hell of a woman. Don't swear. -Don't swear. Yes ma'am. -Tennessee? I'll explain on the way. -We're moving you tomorrow. But I like the presidential suite. -But I like the presidential suite. Oh, it's a similar room. But the hotel is in Washington D.C. You're not going to get a fair trial down here, in front of a jury of Jesse James sympathizers. -Oh, it's a similar room. But the hotel is in Washington D.C. You're not going to get a fair trial down here, in front of a jury of Jesse James sympathizers. So I'll get a fair trial in front of a jury bought off by Thaddeus Rains? -So I'll get a fair trial in front of a jury bought off by Thaddeus Rains? That's the idea. -Did you order our houses burned down? Not that day. I am guilty of many things, but that was Mr. Thaddeus Rains and Parker, that day. -You almost ended my career before it began. Pity. -How did you spot the ambush in Torrell? Last February? -Last February? Mmm. -Mmm. You had all those cattle there, so I'd think the extra men were in town from the cattle drive? -You had all those cattle there, so I'd think the extra men were in town from the cattle drive? Yes? -Yes? The cows had a brand from a farm just five miles out of town. -The cows had a brand from a farm just five miles out of town. Damn. -Almost got me in Billings. I saw you there, shooting at me. I went myself to oversee the operation. Didn't help much. -I went myself to oversee the operation. Didn't help much. No, that one was close. A couple fellas quit after that one. -Oh. That's nice to know. We're going to hang you, you know. I figured. -I figured. Was it worth it? -Was it worth it? Should have just killed Thaddeus Rains and been done with it. -Should have just killed Thaddeus Rains and been done with it. That's what I would have done. -That's what I would have done. I'm not hanged yet. -I'm not hanged yet. You cocky little bastard. -You cocky little bastard. Ahh, you'll miss me. -Ahh, you'll miss me. No, I'll hang you. But I may miss you just a bit. -That was for my Ma. Now this is for everybody else. He's too important, James. They'll set the army on you. You and your wife. -The railroad has no business in Tennessee. Therefore I have no interest in the state of Tennessee. Thanks. -Thanks. I'd just as soon kill you, Jesse James. But chasing you takes up too much of my time. -I'd just as soon kill you, Jesse James. But chasing you takes up too much of my time. Fair enough. -This is unusual. Most of our marriages are members of the congregation. You don't think God'll mind, do you? -"The Lord is remarkably tolerant of the charitable. ""Jesse Woodson James."" Jesse James? The Jesse James?" I could have lied I suppose, but I want this marriage to be legal. I just want you to know, I'm trying to start a new life here. I'm depending on your... -I could have lied I suppose, but I want this marriage to be legal. I just want you to know, I'm trying to start a new life here. I'm depending on your... Discretion? Sir, I am a man of the cloth. -Discretion? Sir, I am a man of the cloth. Thank you. -Thank you. Who needs to repair a leaky church roof. -Now let's have a drink. Right here in church? -Right here in church? Communion. -And you're too young. I'm the same age you were when you went off to war. -I'm the same age you were when you went off to war. And the same age Web was. No. -I like that. No. -You okay, Jesse? Yeah. Hey, are you drinking whisky? You're too young to be drinking whisky. -Yeah. Hey, are you drinking whisky? You're too young to be drinking whisky. Not too young to shoot a man, not to young to drink. -Not too young to shoot a man, not to young to drink. I guess so. -I guess so. I was always jealous Web Mimms got to go off and fight with you and Cole. Now it's my turn. -Jim, you been with a girl yet? Tonight? Why, I'm just getting ready to turn on the Younger charm. -Well, not exactly. You been with a girl ever? -You been with a girl ever? Hell yeah! I been with... Uh, not exactly. It's just, I don't want to get one of these paid ladies, you know? -Hell yeah! I been with... Uh, not exactly. It's just, I don't want to get one of these paid ladies, you know? I think so. -I think so. You and Frank and Cole, and even Bob, get all these girls because you're good looking and famous. You don't have to pay. They just look at me like I'm the baby brother. Don't tell anyone, okay Jesse? -You and Frank and Cole, and even Bob, get all these girls because you're good looking and famous. You don't have to pay. They just look at me like I'm the baby brother. Don't tell anyone, okay Jesse? I swear. -I swear. Tell you something else. I can't drink that good neither. I'm going to go outside and throw up. -Tell you something else. I can't drink that good neither. I'm going to go outside and throw up. You do that. -What about that Rock Island bastard? It's his money. He's putting up the payroll out of his own fortune. You do want to hurt Thaddeus Rains, don't you Jesse? -... too young for whisky... This time we'll make an exception. -This time we'll make an exception. Jesse, you explain to Lyla. My girl, you know, from that time... -Jesse, you explain to Lyla. My girl, you know, from that time... You're gonna tell her when you're resting up in bed with her, Jimmy. -Why, yeah. I hope you don't mind, Jesse James told me your name. -I hope you don't mind, Jesse James told me your name. Oh, you were talking to Jesse. -Oh, you were talking to Jesse. Yes, but just so I could find out who you were. -Really? I hope I'm not being too forward. -I hope I'm not being too forward. Not at all. -Not at all. I just though you were awful cute. -I just though you were awful cute. Thank you, Miss -- ? -Thank you, Miss -- ? Lyla Devereux. -Lyla Devereux. Gosh, that's a pretty name. Buy you a drink? -Gosh, that's a pretty name. Buy you a drink? Could we go upstairs and talk? It's so loud down here. -Could we go upstairs and talk? It's so loud down here. Why don't we get a bottle of sherry to sip while we talk? -Why don't we get a bottle of sherry to sip while we talk? That is so gentlemanly of you. -Devereux. My brother Cole dated a European girl once. Really? -Really? Don't talk about it much, though. -Well, this land is about to be condemned. I'm doing you folks a favor -- -Relax, Alan. The Army has this all in hand. And Mr. Thaddeus Rains will be very pleased with this news. Nothing like a hanging to motivate the populace to relocate. It's not my job to relax. I've put men facing out both ways down Main Street, so nobody can ride in shooting. I've got a sharpshooter up on the water tower just in case. -My professional opinion is that you have managed to piss off the wrong bunch of farm boys this time. They had to be dealt with! -They had to be dealt with! By burning down their homes? -How can that be? They donate money to farmers, to churches. Rumor has it they gave the sharecroppers of Maddox so much money they were able to build a school. -There's only four of them... Move you fools! -Mr. Thaddeus Rains, sir, it is a pleasure to have you join us in the field. And it is my pleasure to be here. -And it is my pleasure to be here. Really! -Really! NO! It is NOT my pleasure to have to leave my board room to come to this godforsaken piece of dirt to discover why in the name of all that is holy you cannot seem to evict a few simple farmers from their PATHETIC LITTLE MUDHOLES so that I may build the GREATEST railroad that this country has ever seen! -NO! It is NOT my pleasure to have to leave my board room to come to this godforsaken piece of dirt to discover why in the name of all that is holy you cannot seem to evict a few simple farmers from their PATHETIC LITTLE MUDHOLES so that I may build the GREATEST railroad that this country has ever seen! I can completely understand your distress, sir. -Parker, tell me what's going on so I can return as quickly as possible to Boston and my whores and cigars, not necessarily in that order. Two weeks ago, we managed to arrange to have the Army hang one of the local farmers. -Two weeks ago, we managed to arrange to have the Army hang one of the local farmers. Good. -Good. Unfortunately not, sir. A gang of local thugs managed to rescue him from the gallows. Not only has this inspired resistance from the other farmers, the redoubtable Mr. Alan Pinkerton was seriously injured during the incident. -Unfortunately not, sir. A gang of local thugs managed to rescue him from the gallows. Not only has this inspired resistance from the other farmers, the redoubtable Mr. Alan Pinkerton was seriously injured during the incident. Leaving you in charge of operations until he recovers. -Leaving you in charge of operations until he recovers. Yes sir. -Yes sir. Just perfect. -Just perfect. A further impediment is that the Army garrison has been ordered to move on from Liberty. We will no longer have that particular stick with which to threaten the farmers. -A further impediment is that the Army garrison has been ordered to move on from Liberty. We will no longer have that particular stick with which to threaten the farmers. You see the Army leaving and you see the loss of a tool. I see a power void to be filled. As we have the most power, we may move with impunity. -You see the Army leaving and you see the loss of a tool. I see a power void to be filled. As we have the most power, we may move with impunity. I see. I'll get together four patrols of our detectives for action tonight. -I see. I'll get together four patrols of our detectives for action tonight. I'll teach these podunks what happens when they challenge the righteousness of progress. -They exchanged fire with the Pinkerton Guards, killing several of them. Then they raided the payroll office and blew the tracks for half a mile. How much did they get from the safe? -How much did they get from the safe? Thirty-five thousand, sir. Coins and currency. And the delay from the miles of destroyed track -- -Thirty-five thousand, sir. Coins and currency. And the delay from the miles of destroyed track -- I'll kill them for blowing up my railway! -I'll kill them for blowing up my railway! To be precise, they didn't blow up the tracks. -To be precise, they didn't blow up the tracks. THEN WHO DID?! -THEN WHO DID?! We did. -Your men knew the risks. What is going on here, man? -With my money! We should go burn that school to the ground, sir! -The final route for the railroad is complete. I look forward to seeing it. -Parker. Sir? -Sir? What is that? -What is that? What, sir? -That. Oh, that. I'll let Jenkins explain. -This is him. I remember you. -How did you know? Not such a menace now, is he, Pinkerton? -Look at this, Pinkerton! They got the payroll, and this damage will set construction back two months at least. Not to mention my men who lost their lives. -You wouldn't have done that? Oh no, I would have done that. But I would have made sure I killed them, too. -Oh no, I would have done that. But I would have made sure I killed them, too. I want them arrested and hanged! -I want them arrested and hanged! Would a jury around here convict their own? I think not. We're beginning an interesting game here, Mr. Rains. -Would a jury around here convict their own? I think not. We're beginning an interesting game here, Mr. Rains. This is no game. -This is no game. I'm afraid our adversaries don't agree. -"""A Rock Island and Pacific Railroad depot was robbed two nights ago just outside St. Louis, Missouri. The brave and daring James-Younger Gang was heavily outnumbered by Pinkerton detectives, but the city lawmen were no match for the guns of the West.""" It is a nice piece of writing. -It is a nice piece of writing. """The gang made off with thirty-five thousand dollars and also destroyed the Thaxton Switch construction, meaning that for a few months honest farmers will be able to sleep without fearing the railroad is coming to steal their land!"" Who wrote this!? I'll see him hanged every Tuesday for a month!" -"""The gang made off with thirty-five thousand dollars and also destroyed the Thaxton Switch construction, meaning that for a few months honest farmers will be able to sleep without fearing the railroad is coming to steal their land!"" Who wrote this!? I'll see him hanged every Tuesday for a month!" Oh, that's the best part. -It's early in the game yet, Mr. Rains. Jesse James and I are just learning how each other moves, feeling out each other's patterns. I'm losing millions of dollars and months of time while you play chess with these farmers! -I'm losing millions of dollars and months of time while you play chess with these farmers! Hardly farmers. I've done some checking. All these were in the War. These men know sabotage, tactics, and have four years of bloody fighting experience behind them. They are disciplined, well-trained and have a charismatic leader. If I were to design the perfect outlaw band, this gang is what I would create. -Hardly farmers. I've done some checking. All these were in the War. These men know sabotage, tactics, and have four years of bloody fighting experience behind them. They are disciplined, well-trained and have a charismatic leader. If I were to design the perfect outlaw band, this gang is what I would create. So you can't tell me anything? -So you can't tell me anything? It's going to be a long winter. -Pinkerton. It's been eight months. I see robberies. I see hold ups. But I do not see men on the end of nooses. All of the James Gang's encounters have been with local law enforcement who, quite frankly, are no match for this group's cunning. -First of all: you, shut up. Now, you've given me a thousand miles of railroad to cover. Every time the James Gang strikes, we shift a hundred detectives to that area. But there's just too much open land, too many riverbeds to ride, caves to hide in. This gang operates across four states, often riding a hundred miles between jobs. I can't believe this. -I can't believe this. And there are some towns in Missouri where James and his men can walk openly, as heroes. -Yes, that's the way to win the locals back to our side. I demand action. -I demand action. No, you demand results. They are not the same thing. And if you want results, you will let me do my job as I see fit. Unless of course, You want this fool to saddle up and take another run at it? -No, you demand results. They are not the same thing. And if you want results, you will let me do my job as I see fit. Unless of course, You want this fool to saddle up and take another run at it? Can't you tell me anything? -Can't you tell me anything? It's going to be a long spring. -So he's won. No. -Every three months, the James Gang circles back to the vicinity of Liberty, Missouri. They always pull a job right before they return, probably to have extra money to give family and friends. In English, Pinkerton. -In English, Pinkerton. There are only four banks within that travel radius which they have not robbed. -There are only four banks within that travel radius which they have not robbed. Can you put men at all four? -Can you put men at all four? No need. I have another tool at my disposal which will narrow it down to one bank. -No need. I have another tool at my disposal which will narrow it down to one bank. What is that? -What is that? Why, their intense hatred of you, of course. -What the hell is that sound? Vengeance. -Listen, what are you doing tonight? What? Oh, I'm...busy. -What? Oh, I'm...busy. Listen, you're dating Luis, he's in Arizona. You're fucking me, and we haven't made plans. What could you possibly be up to tonight? -Listen, you're dating Luis, he's in Arizona. You're fucking me, and we haven't made plans. What could you possibly be up to tonight? Stop it. I'm... -Stop it. I'm... On a lot of lithium? -On a lot of lithium? Waiting for Luis to call me. He said he'd call tonight. Oh don't be difficult, Patrick. -Waiting for Luis to call me. He said he'd call tonight. Oh don't be difficult, Patrick. You should come have dinner with me. COURTNEY But-when? -You should come have dinner with me. COURTNEY But-when? Am I confused or were we talking about tonight? -Am I confused or were we talking about tonight? Ummm . . yeah. Luis is calling me tonight. I need to be home for that. -Ummm . . yeah. Luis is calling me tonight. I need to be home for that. Pumpkin? -Pumpkin? Yes? -Yes? Pumpkin you're dating an asshole. -Pumpkin you're dating an asshole. Uh huh. -Uh huh. Pumpkin you're dating the biggest dickweed in New York. -Pumpkin you're dating the biggest dickweed in New York. I know. Stop it. -I know. Stop it. Pumpkin, you're dating a tumbling, tumbling dickweed. -Pumpkin, you're dating a tumbling, tumbling dickweed. Patrick don't call me pumpkin anymore, okay? I have to go. -Patrick don't call me pumpkin anymore, okay? I have to go. Courtney? Dinner? -Courtney? Dinner? I can't. -I can't. I'm thinking Dorsia. -I'm thinking Dorsia. Dorsia's nice. -Dorsia's nice. Nice? -Nice? You like it there, don't you? -You like it there, don't you? The question is do you like it, Courtney? And will you blow off a fucking phone call from your sad excuse for a boyfriend to eat there tonight. -The question is do you like it, Courtney? And will you blow off a fucking phone call from your sad excuse for a boyfriend to eat there tonight. Okay. Yeah. What time? -Okay. Yeah. What time? Eight? -Eight? Pick me up? -Pick me up? Sounds like I'll have to. Don't fall asleep, okay? Wear something fabulous. Dorsia, remember? -A facial at Elizabeth Arden, which was really relaxing, then to the Pottery Bam where I bought this silver muffin dish. Is that Donald Trump's car? -Is that Donald Trump's car? Oh God, Patrick. Shut up. -Oh God, Patrick. Shut up. You know, Courtney, you should take some more lithium. Or have a Diet Coke. Some caffeine might get you out of this slump. -You know, Courtney, you should take some more lithium. Or have a Diet Coke. Some caffeine might get you out of this slump. I just want to have a child. Just...two... perfect...children... -J&B. Straight. Champagne on the rocks. Oh-could I have that with a twist? She starts to sink back in her chair and Bateman leans over and pulls her back up. -Champagne on the rocks. Oh-could I have that with a twist? She starts to sink back in her chair and Bateman leans over and pulls her back up. Are we here? -Are we here? Yes. -Yes. This is Dorsia? -This is Dorsia? Yes, dear. -"Courtney, you're going to have the peanut butter soup with smoked duck and mashed squash. New York magazine called it a 'playful but mysterious little dish."" You'll love it. And then...the red snapper with violets and pine nuts. I think that'll follow nicely." Mmmm...thanks, Patrick. -Luis is a despicable twit. Yes, Luis is a despicable twit. I hate him. -"No, you idiot. I said ""Is it a receptacle tip?"" Not, is Luis a despicable twit. Is it a receptacle tip? Get off me." Is it a what? -Is it a what? Pull out. -Pull out. I'm ignoring you. -I'm ignoring you. Pull out, goddamnit! -Pull out, goddamnit! What do you want, Courtney? -It's a plain end. I think. Turn the light on. -Oh Jesus. I'm going home. Patrick. Turn on the Light. He turns on the light. -Patrick. Turn on the Light. He turns on the light. It's a plain end, see? So? -It's a plain end, see? So? Take it off. -Take it off. Why? -Why? Because you have to leave half an inch at the tip – to catch the force of the ejaculate! BATEMAN I'm getting out of here. Where's your lithium? -Oh Christ, this really isn't worth it. And see, Courtney, it's there for what? Huh? Tell us. Why is it pulled down half an inch? So it can catch the force of the ejaculate! Well, it's not a turn-on for me. I have a promotion coming to me. I don't want to get AIDS. -See? Happy? You dumb bitch? Are you happy, you dumb bitch? Oh God, just get it over with. -Will you call me before Thanksgiving? Maybe. -What are you doing tonight? Dinner at the River Cafe. Au Bar afterwards, maybe. -Dinner at the River Cafe. Au Bar afterwards, maybe. That's nice. -That's nice. You and...Luis? -You and...Luis? We were supposed to have dinner at Tad and Maura's, but-you know how Luis is... -We were supposed to have dinner at Tad and Maura's, but-you know how Luis is... I never knew you smoked. -I never knew you smoked. You never noticed. -Listen...Patrick. Can we talk? You look marvelous. There's nothing to say. You're going to marry Luis. Next week, no Less. -You look marvelous. There's nothing to say. You're going to marry Luis. Next week, no Less. Isn't that special? Patrick? -Isn't that special? Patrick? Yes, Courtney? -Patrick? Yes? -Yes? Nothing. -I haven't seen you around here. You just haven't been looking. -You just haven't been looking. Would you like to see my apartment? -Do you want to come to my apartment or not? I'm not supposed to. But I can make an exception. -I'm not supposed to. But I can make an exception. Do you take American Express? -You have a really nice place here...Paul. How much did you pay for it? Actually, that's none of your business, Christie, hut I can assure you it certainly wasn't cheap. -I'm not so sure about this. I had to go to Emergency after last time... Oh this won't be anything like last time, I promise. -Oh this won't be anything like last time, I promise. I don't think so. -Nothing like last time, promise. Alright. -So, you're looking great, how have you been? Well, I actually might need a little surgery after last time. -Well, I actually might need a little surgery after last time. Really? -Really? My friend told me I should maybe even get a lawyer. -My friend told me I should maybe even get a lawyer. Oh, lawyers are so complicated-don't do that. Here. -This is nicer than your other apartment. It's not that nice. -Marzipan. Pink tents. Hundreds, thousands of roses. Photographers. Annie Leibovitz. We'll get Annie Leibovitz. And we'll hire someone to videotape. Patrick, we should do it. Do...what. -Do...what. Get married. Have a wedding. -Get married. Have a wedding. Evelyn? -Evelyn? Yes, darling? -Yes, darling? Is your Evian spiked? -Is your Evian spiked? We should do it. -We should do it. No-I can't take the time off work. -No-I can't take the time off work. Your father practically owns the company. You can do anything you like, silly. -Your father practically owns the company. You can do anything you like, silly. I don't want to talk about it. -I don't want to talk about it. Well, you hate that job anyway. Why don't you just quit? You don't have to work. -Well, you hate that job anyway. Why don't you just quit? You don't have to work. Because I...want...to...fit...in. -Pat, this is my cousin Vanden and her boyfriend Stash. He's an artist. Hi. Pat Bateman. -Why don t you just go for Price? Oh God, Patrick. Why Price? Price? -Oh God, Patrick. Why Price? Price? He's rich. -He's rich. Everybody's rich. -Everybody's rich. He's good-looking. -He's good-looking. Everybody's good-looking, Patrick. -Everybody's good-looking, Patrick. He has a great body -He has a great body Everybody has a great body now. -Are you using minoxidil? No. I'm not. Why should I ? -No. I'm not. Why should I ? Your hairline looks like it's receding. -Your hairline looks like it's receding. It's not. -I want a firm commitment. I think, Evelyn, that we've...lost touch. -Why? What's wrong? My need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be, um, corrected, but I have no other way to fulfill my needs. -We need to talk. Talk about what, Patrick? What is there to talk about? -Talk about what, Patrick? What is there to talk about? It's over, Evelyn. It's all over -It's over, Evelyn. It's all over Touchy, touchy. I'm sorry I brought the wedding up. Let's just avoid the issue, alright? Now, are we having coffee? -Touchy, touchy. I'm sorry I brought the wedding up. Let's just avoid the issue, alright? Now, are we having coffee? I'm fucking serious. It's fucking over. Us. This is no joke. I don't think we should see each other anymore. -I'm fucking serious. It's fucking over. Us. This is no joke. I don't think we should see each other anymore. But your friends are my friends. My friends are your friends. I don't think it would work. You have a little something on your upper lip. -But your friends are my friends. My friends are your friends. I don't think it would work. You have a little something on your upper lip. I know that your friends are my friends. I've thought about that. You can have them. -You're really serious, aren't you? Yes, I am. -Yes, I am. But what about the past? Our past? -But what about the past? Our past? We never really shared one. -We never really shared one. You're inhuman. -You're inhuman. I'm...in touch with humanity. Evelyn, I'm sorry. You're just not terribly important to me. -No, no, no. I know my behavior is...erratic sometimes. -If you really want to do something for me, you can stop making this scene right now. Oh God, I can't believe this. -Oh God, I can't believe this. I'm leaving now. I've assessed the situation and I'm going. -Where are you going? I'm just leaving. -I'm just leaving. But where? -But where? I have to return some videotapes. -You'll notice that my friends and I all look and behave in a remarkably similar fashion, but there are subtle differences between us. McDermott is the biggest asshole. Van Patten is the yes man. Price is the most wired. I'm the best looking. We all have light tans. Right now I'm in a bad mood because this is not a good table, and Van Patten keeps asking dumb, obvious questions about how to dress . What are the rules for a sweater vest? -Picked them up from the printers yesterday Good coloring. -Good coloring. That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail. -Eggshell with Romalian type. What do you think? Nice. -But Laurie Kennedy is a total hardbody. What do you think, Bateman? I know her. I knew her. -Because he dated her. How did you guess? -How did you guess? Girls dig Bateman. He's CQ. You're total CQ, Bateman. -Girls dig Bateman. He's CQ. You're total CQ, Bateman. Thanks, guy, but...she's got a lousy personality. -Do you know what Ed Gein said about women? Ed Gein? Maitre d' at Canal Bar? -Ed Gein? Maitre d' at Canal Bar? No, serial killer, Wisconsin in the fifties. He was an interesting guy. -Listen, what about dinner? "Is that all you ever have to contribute, Van Patten? ""What about fucking dinner?""" -Are you my two o'clock? No. -Can I help you? I'm looking for...Paul Owen's...place. -Doesn't he live here? No, he doesn't. -No, he doesn't. Are you sure? -Are you sure? You saw the ad in the Times? -You saw the ad in the Times? No. Yes. I mean yes, I did. In the Times. But... doesn't Paul Owen still live here? -No. Yes. I mean yes, I did. In the Times. But... doesn't Paul Owen still live here? There was no ad in the Times. -I think you should go now. But I think...I want to know what happened here. -But I think...I want to know what happened here. Don't make any trouble. Please. I suggest you go. -Don't come back. I won't...don't worry. -Excuse me, gentlemen. Right back. He approaches Carnes cautiously. Face it-the Japanese will own most of this country by the end of the '90s. -Jesus, Davis. Yes. That was hilarious. That was you, wasn't it? Yes, naturally. -Yes, naturally. Bateman killing Owen and the escort girls? Oh that s fabulous. That's rich... -It was a pretty long message, wasn't it? What exactly do you mean? -What exactly do you mean? The message you left. -By the way Davis, how is Cynthia? You're still seeing her, right? But wait, Harold, what do you mean? -Carnes? Wait. Davis. I'm not one to bad-mouth anyone, your joke was amusing. But come on, man, you had one fatal flaw: Bateman's such a dork, such a boring, spineless lightweight, that I couldn't fully appreciate it. I wasn't fooled for a second. Now, if you'd said Price, or McDermott...Otherwise, it was amusing. Now, let's have lunch or dinner or something. Hilarious, Davis. A killer. -Davis. I'm not one to bad-mouth anyone, your joke was amusing. But come on, man, you had one fatal flaw: Bateman's such a dork, such a boring, spineless lightweight, that I couldn't fully appreciate it. I wasn't fooled for a second. Now, if you'd said Price, or McDermott...Otherwise, it was amusing. Now, let's have lunch or dinner or something. Hilarious, Davis. A killer. What are you talking about? Bateman is what? -What are you talking about? Bateman is what? Oh Christ. He can barely pick up an escort girl, let alone...what was it you said he did to her? -Now, if you'll excuse me, I really must... Wait. Stop. You don't seem to understand. You're not really comprehending any of this. I killed him. I did it, Carnes. I'm Patrick Bateman. I chopped Owen's fucking head off. I tortured dozens of girls. The whole message I left on your machine was true. -Wait. Stop. You don't seem to understand. You're not really comprehending any of this. I killed him. I did it, Carnes. I'm Patrick Bateman. I chopped Owen's fucking head off. I tortured dozens of girls. The whole message I left on your machine was true. Excuse me. I really must he going. -Excuse me. I really must he going. No! Listen, don't you know who I am? I'm not Davis, I'm Patrick Bateman! I talk to you on the phone all the time! Don't you recognize me? You're my lawyer. -Now, Carnes, listen to me. Listen very, very carefully. I killed Paul Owen and I liked it. I can't make myself any clearer But that's simply not possible. And I don't find this funny anymore. -But that's simply not possible. And I don't find this funny anymore. It never was supposed to he! Why isn't it possible? -It never was supposed to he! Why isn't it possible? It's just not. -It's just not. Why not, you stupid bastard? -Because I had dinner with Paul Owen twice in London...just ten days ago. No, you...didn't? -No, you...didn't? Now, if you'll excuse me. -Patrick, thanks so much for looking after Courtney. Dorsia, how impressive! How on earth did you get a reservation there? Lucky, I guess. -Lucky, I guess. That's a wonderful jacket. Let me guess, Valentino Couture? -That's a wonderful jacket. Let me guess, Valentino Couture? Uh huh. -Uh huh. It looks so soft. -It looks so soft. Your compliment was sufficient Luis. -Patrick? Is that you? No, Luis. It's not me. You're mistaken. -No, Luis. It's not me. You're mistaken. This is Gwendolyn Ichiban. This is my very good friend Patrick Bateman. Where are you going? We're going to Nell's. Gwendolyn's father's buying it. Where did you get your overnight bag? -This is Gwendolyn Ichiban. This is my very good friend Patrick Bateman. Where are you going? We're going to Nell's. Gwendolyn's father's buying it. Where did you get your overnight bag? Commes des Garcon. -Call me please, Patrick. Jesus lives, Luis. -What...is...it? Where are you going? -Where are you going? I've gotta...I've gotta...return some videotapes. -I've gotta...I've gotta...return some videotapes. Patrick? -Patrick? What? CARRUTHERS I'll call you. -Van Patten looks puffy. Has he stopped working out? It looks that way, doesn't it? -That's Paul Owen. That's not Paul Owen. Paul Owen's on the other side of the room. Over there. -There's this theory out now that if you can catch the AIDS virus through having sex with someone who is infected, then you can also catch anything-Alzheimer's, muscular dystrophy, hemophilia, leukemia, diabetes, dyslexia, for Christ's sake-you can get dyslexia from pussy- I'm not sure, guy, but I don't think dyslexia is a virus. -I'm not sure, guy, but I don't think dyslexia is a virus. Oh, who knows? They don't know that. Prove it. -Jeez. That's not a helluva lot, is it? Maybe it's just the light. -Maybe it's just the light. Is he fucking selling it by the milligram? Oh my God... -Is he fucking selling it by the milligram? Oh my God... What? -What? It's a fucking milligram of Sweet'n Low! -It's definitely weak but I have a feeling if we do enough of it we'll be okay. I want to get high off this; Bateman, not sprinkle it on my fucking All-Bran. -SHUT UP! Calm down. Let's do it anyway -Calm down. Let's do it anyway I guess you're right... THAT IS, IF THE FAGGOT IN THE NEXT STALL THINKS IT'S OKAY! -Oh come on. Price. There are a lot more important problems than Sri Lanka to worry about. Sure our foreign policy is important, but there are more pressing problems at hand. Like what? -Like what? Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. But we can't ignore our social needs. either We have to stop people from abusing the welfare system. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights while also promoting equal rights for women but change the abortion laws to protect the right to life yet still somehow maintain women's freedom of choice. -What's that, a gram? New card. What do you think? -I can't believe that Price prefers McDermott's card to mine. But wait. You ain't seen nothin' yet. -Raised lettering, pale nimbus white... Impressive. Very nice. Let's see Paul Owen's card. -Yes, Caron's right. Gorbachev's not downstairs. He's at Tunnel. Ask me a question. -I'm leaving. I'm getting out. Leaving what? -Leaving what? This. -Don't, I'll drink it. Listen to me, Patrick. I'm leaving. -Listen to me, Patrick. I'm leaving. Where to? Are you going to go get a gram? -Where to? Are you going to go get a gram? I'm leaving! I...am...leaving! -I'm leaving! I...am...leaving! Don't tell me...merchant banking? -Don't tell me...merchant banking? No, you dumb son of a bitch. I'm serious. I'm disappearing. -No, you dumb son of a bitch. I'm serious. I'm disappearing. Where to? Morgan Stanley? Rehab? What? -And Bateman, what are YOU SO fucking zany about? I'm just a happy camper. Rockin' and a-rollin'. VAN PATTEN Rehab's done wonders for you, pal. Working for UNICEF now? -Dorsia. Umm...yes...I know it's a little late but is it possible to reserve a table for two at eight or eight-thirty perhaps? -Marcus Halberstam. For two at eight? Your friend has already been seated. Follow me, Mr. Halberstam. -Dorsia, yes? Yes, can you take two tonight, oh, let's say at nine o'clock? -We are totally booked. Oh really? That's great. -Oh really? That's great. I said we are totally booked. -I said we are totally booked. Two at nine? Perfect. -Two at nine? Perfect. There are no tables available tonight. The waiting list is also totally booked. -There are no tables available tonight. The waiting list is also totally booked. See you then. -Late? Aerobics class. Sorry. Any messages? -Aerobics class. Sorry. Any messages? Ricky Hendricks has to cancel today. He didn't say what he was canceling or why. -Ricky Hendricks has to cancel today. He didn't say what he was canceling or why. I occasionally box with Ricky at the Harvard Club. Anyone else? -I occasionally box with Ricky at the Harvard Club. Anyone else? And...Spencer wants to meet you for a drink at Fluties Pier 17. -And...Spencer wants to meet you for a drink at Fluties Pier 17. When? -When? After six. -After six. Negative. Cancel it. -Oh? And what should I say? Just...say...no. -Just...say...no. Just say no? -Okay, Jean. I need reservations for three at Camols at twelve-thirty, and if not there, try Crayons. All right? Yes, sir. -Oh, something. . romantic? No, silly. Forget it. I'll make them. Thanks. -No, silly. Forget it. I'll make them. Thanks. I'll do it. -I'll do it. No. No. Be a doll and just get me a Perrier, okay? -No. No. Be a doll and just get me a Perrier, okay? You look nice today. -Yes? Is that the Ransom file? Thanks. Don't wear that outfit again. -Is that the Ransom file? Thanks. Don't wear that outfit again. Ummm...what? I didn't hear you. -Ummm...what? I didn't hear you. "I said ""Do not wear that outfit again."" Wear a dress. A skirt or something." -You don't like this, I take it? Come on, you're prettier than that. -Come on, you're prettier than that. Thanks, Patrick. -What is it? Patrick? -Patrick? Ye-es, Je-an? -Ye-es, Je-an? Patrick, a Mr. Donald KIMBALL is here to see you. -Patrick, a Mr. Donald KIMBALL is here to see you. Who? -Who? Detective Donald KIMBALL? -Tell him I'm at lunch. Patrick, I think he knows you're here. It's only ten-thirty. -Patrick? Can you bring Mr... -Yes, Patrick? Bring us an ashtray for Mr. KIMBALL, please. She whisks in with a crystal ashtray as they sit in silence. -Jean? Yes, Patrick? -Yes, Patrick? Would you like to accompany me to dinner? -That is...if you're not doing anything. Oh no. I have no plans. -Oh no. I have no plans. Well, isn't this a coincidence. -Anywhere you want? Let's not think about what I want. How about anywhere you want. -Let's not think about what I want. How about anywhere you want. Oh Patrick, I can't make this decision. -Oh Patrick, I can't make this decision. No, come on. Anywhere you want. -No, come on. Anywhere you want. Oh, I can't. I don't know. -Oh, I can't. I don't know. Come on. Where do you want to go? Anywhere you want. Just say it. I can get us in anywhere. -Soooo...Dorsia is where Jean wants to go... Oh, I don't know. No, we'll go anywhere you want. -Oh, I don't know. No, we'll go anywhere you want. Dorsia is...fine. -Yes? You're dressed...okay. You didn't give them a name. -You didn't give them a name. They know me. -Jean? Sorbet? Thanks, Patrick. I'd love some. -Want a bite? I'm on a diet. But thank you. -I'm on a diet. But thank you. You don't need to lose any weight. You're kidding, right? You look great. Very fit. -You don't need to lose any weight. You're kidding, right? You look great. Very fit. You can always he thinner. Look...better. -You can always he thinner. Look...better. Well, maybe we shouldn't go out to dinner. I don't want to ruin your willpower. -Well, maybe we shouldn't go out to dinner. I don't want to ruin your willpower. No. It's all right. I'm not very good at controlling it anyway. -And don't tell me you enjoy working with children, okay? Well, I'd like to travel. And maybe go back to school, but I really don't know...I'm at a point in my life where there seems lo be a lot of possibilities, but I'm so... I don't know...unsure. -Do you have a boyfriend? No, not really. -No, not really. Interesting. -Interesting. Are you seeing anyone? I mean, seriously? -Are you seeing anyone? I mean, seriously? Maybe. I don't know Not really. Bateman opens up a cupboard where there are a lot of very Bateman opens a cupboard where there are a lot of neatly ordered weapons - an ax, a rifle, a chain saw, duct tape, twine and a nail gun. -Maybe. I don't know Not really. Bateman opens up a cupboard where there are a lot of very Bateman opens a cupboard where there are a lot of neatly ordered weapons - an ax, a rifle, a chain saw, duct tape, twine and a nail gun. Jean, do you feel...fulfilled? I mean, in your life? -Jean, do you feel...fulfilled? I mean, in your life? Well, I guess I do. For a long time I was too focused on my work, I think, but now I've really begun to think about changing myself, you know, developing, and...growing. -Well, I guess I do. For a long time I was too focused on my work, I think, but now I've really begun to think about changing myself, you know, developing, and...growing. Growing. I'm glad you said that. -Did you know that Ted Bundy's first dog, a collie, was named Lassie? Had you heard this? Who's Ted Bundy? -Who's Ted Bundy? Forget it. -Forget it. What's that? -What's that? Oh. Uh, tape. Duct tape. I...need it for... taping something. Bateman goes back to the cupboard for the nail gun. -Oh. Uh, tape. Duct tape. I...need it for... taping something. Bateman goes back to the cupboard for the nail gun. Patrick, have you ever wanted to make someone happy? -What...No! Put it in the carton. Sorry. -Sorry. Jean? What? -Jean? What? Make someone happy-have you ever wanted to? -I'm looking for...I guess you could say I just want to have a meaningful relationship with someone special. Hmmmm. -Yes. I don t think I can...control myself. I know I should go. I know I have a tendency to get involved with unavailable men, and...I mean, do you want me to go? -If you stay, I think something bad will happen. I think I might hurt you. You don't want to get hurt, do you? No. No, I guess not. I don't want to get bruised. You're right, I should go. -And don't forget you have a breakfast meeting with Frederick Bennet and Charles Rust at '21. Thanks. It slipped my mind completely. -Patrick Bateman's office. Jean? Hello? Jean? -Jean? Hello? Jean? Patrick? Is that you? -Patrick? Is that you? Hello? Jean, I need help! -Hello? Jean, I need help! Where are you? -Where are you? Jean-I'm not- -Jean-I'm not- Craig McDermott called. He wants to meet you and David Van Patten and Tim Price at Harry's for drinks. -Craig McDermott called. He wants to meet you and David Van Patten and Tim Price at Harry's for drinks. Oh God, what did you say, you dumb bitch? -Oh God, what did you say, you dumb bitch? Patrick? I can't hear you. -Patrick? I can't hear you. What are I doing? -What are I doing? Where are you? Patrick, what's wrong? -Where are you? Patrick, what's wrong? I don't think I'm gonna make it, Jean. -...to the office this afternoon. Why? -Why? Just...say...no! -Just...say...no! What is it, Patrick? Are you alright? -What is it, Patrick? Are you alright? Stop sounding so Fucking sad! Jesus! -So, what do you do? What do you think I do? -What do you think I do? A model? An actor? -A model? An actor? No. Flattering, but no. -No. Flattering, but no. Well... -Well... I m into, well, murders and executions mostly. -Welt...it depends, why? Well, most guys I know who work in mergers and acquisitions don't really like it. -Oh really? DAISY He said... He said you gave him bad vibes. That's...that's too bad. -That's...that's too bad. You think I'm dumb, don't you? -You think I'm dumb, don't you? What? -What? You think I'm dumb. You think all models are dumb. -You think I'm dumb. You think all models are dumb. No. I really don't. -No. I really don't. That's okay. I don't mind. There's something sweet about you. -Hi, Patrick. I thought that was you. Hello -Well. Isn't it ridiculous? Coming all the way up here, but you know. They really are the best. -Isn't it ridiculous? Coming all the way up here, but you know. They really are the best. Then why can't they get these stains out? I mean can you talk to these people or something? I'm not getting anywhere. -Well, I mean, um, it s really...Bosco. You know, like... like a Dove Bar. It's a Dove Bar...Hershey's Syrup? Oh yeah. Oh I get it. Fun with chocolate. -Oh yeah. Oh I get it. Fun with chocolate. Listen, if you could talk to them I would really appreciate it. I'm really late. I have a lunch appointment at Hubert's in fifteen minutes. -Hubert's? Oh really? It moved uptown, right? Yeah, well, oh boy, listen, I've got to go. Thank you, uh... Victoria? -Yeah, well, oh boy, listen, I've got to go. Thank you, uh... Victoria? Maybe we could have lunch one day next week? You know, I'm downtown near Wall Street quite often. -Maybe we could have lunch one day next week? You know, I'm downtown near Wall Street quite often. Oh, I don't know, Victoria. I'm at work all the time. -Oh, I don't know, Victoria. I'm at work all the time. Well, what about, oh, you know, maybe a Saturday? -Well, what about, oh, you know, maybe a Saturday? Next Saturday? -Next Saturday? Yeah. -Yeah. Oh, can't, I'm afraid. Matinée of Les Miserables. Listen, I've really got to go. I'll-Oh...Christ...I'll call you. -Oh, can't, I'm afraid. Matinée of Les Miserables. Listen, I've really got to go. I'll-Oh...Christ...I'll call you. Okay. Do. -What do you mean, she was a hot number. If you had an American Express card she'd give you a blowjob. Listen, this girl worked in a tanning salon, need I say more?...What do you do? -She's my...cousin. Uh huh? -Uh huh? She's from...France. -Elizabeth, it's three in the morning. He's a goddamn drug dealer! These are his peak hours. -He's a goddamn drug dealer! These are his peak hours. Don't tell him you're here. -Don't tell him you're here. Why would I? -This tastes weird. Harley? It's me. I need your services. Translate that anyway you'd like. I'm at- You're at Paul Owen s. -You're at Paul Owen s. Who? -Who? Paul Owen. -Paul Owen. I want the number, idiot. Anyway, I'm at Paul Norman's and I'll try you later and if I don't see you at Canal Bar tomorrow night I'm going to sic my hairdresser on you. -Did you know that guy who disappeared? Didn't he work at Pierce & Pierce, too? Was he a friend of yours? No. -No. Do you have any coke? Or Halcyon? I'd take a Halcyon. -Listen, I would just like to see...the two of you...get it on. What's wrong with that? It's totally disease-free. Patrick, you re a lunatic. -Patrick, you re a lunatic. Come on. Don't you find Christie attractive? -Come on. Don't you find Christie attractive? Let's not get lewd. I'm in no mood to have a lewd conversation. -Let's not get lewd. I'm in no mood to have a lewd conversation. Come on. I think it would be a turn-on. -Come on. I think it would be a turn-on. Does he do this all the time? -Are you telling me you've never gotten it on with a girl? No! I'm not a lesbian. Why do you think I'd be into that? -No! I'm not a lesbian. Why do you think I'd be into that? Well, you went to Sarah Lawrence for one thing. -Well, you went to Sarah Lawrence for one thing. Those are Sarah Lawrence guys, Patrick. You're making me feel weird. -Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP called simply Whitney Houston had four number-one singles on it? Did you know that, Christie? Whitney's voice leaps across so many boundaries and is so versatile-though she's mainly a jazz singer-that it's hard to take in the album on a first listening. You actually listen to Whitney Houston? You actually have a Whitney Houston CD? More than one? -Listen, John, I've got to go. T Boone Pickens just walked in... Just joking... No don't tip the owner of the salon. Okay, John, right, got it. Sorry about that. No, I'm sorry. I should've made an appointment. Was that anything important? -No, I'm sorry. I should've made an appointment. Was that anything important? Oh that? Just mulling over business problems. Examining opportunities...Exchanging rumors... Spreading gossip. -Hi. I'm Donald KIMBALL Hi. Pat Bateman. Nice to meet you. -Hi. Pat Bateman. Nice to meet you. I'm sorry to barge in on you like this. but I was supposed to talk to Luis Carruthers and he wasn't in and...well, you're here, so...I know how busy you guys can get. -So, what's the topic of discussion? I've been hired by Meredith Powell to investigate the disappearance of Paul Owen. -I've been hired by Meredith Powell to investigate the disappearance of Paul Owen. You're not with the FBI or anything, are you? -You're not with the FBI or anything, are you? Nothing like that. I'm just a private investigator. -Nothing like that. I'm just a private investigator. Ah, I see...Yes. Paul's disappearance...Yes. -Ah, I see...Yes. Paul's disappearance...Yes. So it's nothing that official. I just have some basic questions. About Paul Owen. About yourself- -So it's nothing that official. I just have some basic questions. About Paul Owen. About yourself- Coffee? -Coffee? No. I'm okay. -No. I'm okay. Perrier? San Pellegrino? -Perrier? San Pellegrino? No, I'm okay. -KIMBALL. Mr. Kimball a bottle of San Pelle- -Mr. Kimball a bottle of San Pelle- Oh no, I'm okay. -Oh no, I'm okay. It's no problem -Well, what's the topic of discussion? The disappearance of Paul Owen. -The disappearance of Paul Owen. "Oh right. Well, I haven't heard anything about the disappearance or anything... Not on ""Page Six"" at least." -"Oh right. Well, I haven't heard anything about the disappearance or anything... Not on ""Page Six"" at least." I think his family wants this kept quiet. -I think his family wants this kept quiet. Understandable. Lime? -Understandable. Lime? No, really. I'm okay. -No, really. I'm okay. You sure? I can always get you a lime. -Just some preliminary questions that I need for my own files, okay? Shoot. -Shoot. How old are you? -How old are you? Twenty-six. I'll be twenty-seven in October. -Twenty-six. I'll be twenty-seven in October. Where did you go to school? -Where did you go to school? Harvard. The Harvard Business School. -Harvard. The Harvard Business School. Your address? -Your address? Fifty-five West Eighty-First Street. The American Gardens Building. -Fifty-five West Eighty-First Street. The American Gardens Building. Nice. Very nice. -Nice. Very nice. Thanks. -Pardon me, but are you okay? Who do you ask? -Who do you ask? You seem...nervous. -Bad habit. I know. I'm sorry. -Would you rather I not smoke? No, I guess it's okay. -No, I guess it's okay. You sure? -You sure? No problem. -What can you tell me about Paul Owen? Well... -How well did you know him? I'm...at a loss. He was part of that whole...Yale thing, you know. -I'm...at a loss. He was part of that whole...Yale thing, you know. Yale thing? -Yeah...Yale thing. What do you mean...Yale thing? -So...there's nothing you can tell me about Paul Owen? He led what I suppose was an orderly life. He... ate a balanced diet. -He led what I suppose was an orderly life. He... ate a balanced diet. What kind of man was he? Besides... the information you've just given. -What kind of man was he? Besides... the information you've just given. I hope I'm not being cross-examined here. -I hope I'm not being cross-examined here. Do you feel that way? -Do you feel that way? No. Not really. -No. Not really. Where did Paul hang out? -Where did Paul hang out? Hang...out? -Hang...out? Yeah. You know...hang out. -Yeah. You know...hang out. Let me think. The Newport. Harry's. Fluties. Endochine. Nell's. Comell Club. The New York Yacht Club. The regular places. -Let me think. The Newport. Harry's. Fluties. Endochine. Nell's. Comell Club. The New York Yacht Club. The regular places. He had a yacht? -He had a yacht? No, he just hung out there. -No, he just hung out there. And where did he go to school? -Don't you know this? I just wanted to know if you know. BATEMAN Before Yale? If I remember correctly, Saint Paul's... Listen, I just...I just want to help. -Anything else you can tell me about Owen? We were both seven in 1969. -We were both seven in 1969. So was I. -So was I. Do you have any witnesses or fingerprints? -Do you have any witnesses or fingerprints? Well, there's a message on his answering machine saying he went to London. -Well, there's a message on his answering machine saying he went to London. Well, maybe he did, huh? -Well, maybe he did, huh? His girlfriend doesn't think so. -His girlfriend doesn't think so. But...has anyone seen him in London? -But...has anyone seen him in London? Actually, yes. -Actually, yes. Hmmm. -Hmmm. Well, I've had a hard time getting an actual verification. A Stephen Hughes says he saw him at a restaurant there, but I checked it out and what happened is, he mistook a Hubert Ainsworth for Paul, so... -Well, I've had a hard time getting an actual verification. A Stephen Hughes says he saw him at a restaurant there, but I checked it out and what happened is, he mistook a Hubert Ainsworth for Paul, so... Oh. -Oh. Was he involved at all , do you think, in occultism or Satan worship? -Was he involved at all , do you think, in occultism or Satan worship? What? -What? I know it sounds like a lame question, but in New Jersey I know this sounds like a lame question, but last month-I don't know if you've heard about this, but a young stockbroker was recently arrested and charged with murdering a young Chicano girl and performing voodoo rituals with various body parts- -I know it sounds like a lame question, but in New Jersey I know this sounds like a lame question, but last month-I don't know if you've heard about this, but a young stockbroker was recently arrested and charged with murdering a young Chicano girl and performing voodoo rituals with various body parts- Yikes! No. Paul wasn't into that. He followed a balanced diet and- -Yikes! No. Paul wasn't into that. He followed a balanced diet and- Yeah, I know, and was into that whole Yale thing. -Have you consulted a psychic? No. -No. Had his apartment been burglarized? -Had his apartment been burglarized? No, it actually hadn't. Toiletries were missing. A suit was gone. So was some luggage. That's it. -No, it actually hadn't. Toiletries were missing. A suit was gone. So was some luggage. That's it. I mean no one's dealing with the homicide squad yet or anything, right? -I mean no one's dealing with the homicide squad yet or anything, right? No, not yet. As I said, we're not sure. But... basically no one has seen or heard anything. -No, not yet. As I said, we're not sure. But... basically no one has seen or heard anything. That's so typical, isn't it? -That's so typical, isn't it? It's just strange. One day someone's walking around, going to work, alive, and then... -It's just strange. One day someone's walking around, going to work, alive, and then... Nothing. -Nothing. People just...disappear. -People just...disappear. The earth just opens up and swallows people. -The earth just opens up and swallows people. Eerie. Really eerie. -You'll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable at Four Seasons in twenty minutes. Isn't the Four Seasons a little far uptown? I mean aren't you going to be late? -Isn't the Four Seasons a little far uptown? I mean aren't you going to be late? Uh, no. There's one...down here. -Uh, no. There's one...down here. Oh really? I didn't know that. -Listen, if anything occurs to you, any information at all... Absolutely, I'm 100% with you. -Absolutely, I'm 100% with you. Great, and thanks for your, uh, time, Mr. Bateman. -Detective Kendall...uh Campbell? KIMBALL Kimball. Call me Don. Don. -Don. So...you hang out here a lot? -So...you hang out here a lot? Uh, yes...I mean...whenever necessary. You know. -"How's the investigation going? Taken anyone in for ""formal questioning?""" 0h no. Informal conversations, mostly. What's that, Stoli? -0h no. Informal conversations, mostly. What's that, Stoli? Yeah. No Finlandia, as usual. Fucking dump. -Yeah. No Finlandia, as usual. Fucking dump. Too true. You know, Bateman-people tend to reveal so much more about themselves when they're in a relaxed setting, don't you think? -I mean they want to get caught. Dan, great to see you again. Like I said, you need anything at all, I'm your man. I don't envy your job. I mean Owen was a...complex man. -I actually came to see Timothy Price, but he's taken a leave of absence. Yeah, gone into rehab. Shame. Is he a suspect? -Yeah, gone into rehab. Shame. Is he a suspect? Not really. -Do you remember where you were on the night of Paul's disappearance? Which was on the twentieth of December? God...I guess...I was probably returning videotapes. -I had a date with a girl named Veronica. Wait. That's not what I've got. -Wait. That's not what I've got. What? -What? That's not the information I've received. -That's not the information I've received. Well...I...Wait...What information have you received? -Well...I...Wait...What information have you received? Let's see... That you were with- -Let's see... That you were with- Well, I could he wrong. -Well, I could he wrong. Well...When was the last time you were with Paul Owen? -Well...When was the last time you were with Paul Owen? We had...gone to a new musical called...Oh Africa, Brave Africa. It was...a laugh riot...and that's about it. I think we had dinner at Orso's. No, Petaluma. No, Orso's. The...last time I physically saw him was...at an automated teller. I can't remember which...just one that was near, um, Nell's. -Well, thank you, Mr. Bateman. Patrick, please. I hope I've been informative. Long day-a bit scattered. -Patrick, please. I hope I've been informative. Long day-a bit scattered. Listen, I'm a little spent for now but how about lunch in a week or so when I've sorted out all this information? -Listen, I'm a little spent for now but how about lunch in a week or so when I've sorted out all this information? Great, yes, I'd like that. -Great, yes, I'd like that. And if you could try and pin down where you were the night of Owen's disappearance, it would make my job a lot easier. -And if you could try and pin down where you were the night of Owen's disappearance, it would make my job a lot easier. Absolutely. I'm with you on that one. -Never. I mean...I don't really like... singers. Not a big music fan, eh? -Not a big music fan, eh? No, I like music. Just-they're-Huey's too... black sounding. For me. -No, I like music. Just-they're-Huey's too... black sounding. For me. Well, to each his own. So-lunch, Thursday? I'll call your secretary about reservations. -Well, to each his own. So-lunch, Thursday? I'll call your secretary about reservations. I'll be there. -No hash browns? Not in the mood, I guess. -Not in the mood, I guess. But...everyone orders the hash browns here. I mean- it's-have you been here before? -But...everyone orders the hash browns here. I mean- it's-have you been here before? Yes, of course. The hash browns are delicious. I'm just...not... ordering them. -Yes, of course. The hash browns are delicious. I'm just...not... ordering them. Suit yourself, I guess. -So, the night he disappeared? Any new thoughts on what you did? I'm not really sure. I had a shower...and some sorbet? -I'm not really sure. I had a shower...and some sorbet? I think maybe you've got your dates mixed up. -I think maybe you've got your dates mixed up. But how? Where do you place Paul that night? -But how? Where do you place Paul that night? According to his date book, and this was verified by his secretary, he had dinner with...Marcus Halberstam. -According to his date book, and this was verified by his secretary, he had dinner with...Marcus Halberstam. And? -And? I've questioned him. -I've questioned him. Marcus? -Marcus? Yes. And he denies it. Though at first he couldn't be sure. -Yes. And he denies it. Though at first he couldn't be sure. But Marcus denied it? -But Marcus denied it? Yes. -Yes. Well, does Marcus have an alibi? -Well, does Marcus have an alibi? Yes. -He does? You're sure? I checked it out. It's clean. -I checked it out. It's clean. Oh. KIMBALL Now where were you? -Oh. KIMBALL Now where were you? Where was Marcus? -Where was Marcus? He wasn't with Paul Owen. -He wasn't with Paul Owen. So who was he with? -So who was he with? He was at Atlantis with Craig McDermott, Frederick Dibble, Harry Newman, George Butner and – - you. -Oh, right. Of course...We had wanted Paul Owen to come. But he said he had plans...I guess I had dinner with Victoria...the following night. Personally I think the guy went a little nutso. Split town for a while. Maybe he did go to London. Sightseeing. Drinking. Whatever. Anyway, I'm pretty sure he'll turn up sooner or later. I mean, to think that one of his friends killed him, for no reason whatsoever would be too ridiculous. Isn't that right, Patrick? -I'm so hungry. It's cold out, too, isn't it? -It's cold out, too, isn't it? I'm so hungry. -I'm so hungry. Why don't you get a job? If you're so hungry, why don't you get a job? -Why don't you get a job? If you're so hungry, why don't you get a job? I lost my job... -I lost my job... Why? Were you drinking? Is that why you lost it? Insider trading? Just joking. No, really-were you drinking on the job? -Gee, uh, that's too bad. I'm so hungry. -Why don't you get another one? Why don't , you get another job? I'm not... -I'm not... You're not what? Qualified for anything else? -You're not what? Qualified for anything else? I'm hungry -I'm hungry I know that, I know that. Jeez, you're like a broken record. I'm trying to help you. -I know that, I know that. Jeez, you're like a broken record. I'm trying to help you. I'm hungry. -I'm hungry. Listen, do you think it's fair to take money from people who do have jobs? From people who do work? -Listen, do you think it's fair to take money from people who do have jobs? From people who do work? What am I gonna do? -What am I gonna do? Listen, what's your name? -Listen, what's your name? Al. -Al. Speak up. Come on. -Speak up. Come on. Al. -Al. Get a goddamn job, Al. You've got a negative attitude. That's what's stopping you. You've got to get your act together. I'll help you. -Get a goddamn job, Al. You've got a negative attitude. That's what's stopping you. You've got to get your act together. I'll help you. You re so kind, mister. You're kind. You're a kind man. I can tell. -You re so kind, mister. You're kind. You're a kind man. I can tell. Shhhh...it's okay. -Shhhh...it's okay. Please...I don know what to do. I'm so cold. -Please...I don know what to do. I'm so cold. Do ,you know how bad you smell? The stench, my God. -Do ,you know how bad you smell? The stench, my God. I can't...I can't find a shelter -I can't...I can't find a shelter You reek. You reek of...shit. Do you know that? Goddammit, Al-look at me and stop crying like some kind of faggot. Al...I'm sorry. -Hello, Halberstam. Nice tie. How the hell are you? I've been great. And you? -How's the Ransom account going, Marcus? It's...it's...all right. -It's...it's...all right. Really? That's interesting. Not great? -Really? That's interesting. Not great? Oh well, you know. -Oh well, you know. And how's Cecilia? She's a great girl. -And how's Cecilia? She's a great girl. Oh yes. I'm very lucky. -Listen, the mud soup and the charcoal arugula are outrageous here. Yeah, well, you're late. -Yeah, well, you're late. Hey, I'm a child of divorce. Give me a break Hmmm, I see they've omitted the pork loin with lime jello. -Hey, I'm a child of divorce. Give me a break Hmmm, I see they've omitted the pork loin with lime jello. We should've gone to Dorsia. I could've gotten us a table. -We should've gone to Dorsia. I could've gotten us a table. Nobody goes there anymore. -So, wasn't Rothschild originally handling the Fisher account? How did you get it? I could tell you that, Halberstam, but then I'd have to kill you. -And Cecelia, how is she? Where is she tonight? Cecelia is, well...you know -Cecelia is, well...you know Evelyn. Great ass. Goes out with that loser Patrick Bateman. What a dork. -Evelyn. Great ass. Goes out with that loser Patrick Bateman. What a dork. Another Martini, Paul? -Paul, give me your Amex card. Good boy. Bateman slaps the card down, looks at the check. Two-hundred-and-fifty. Very reasonable. Let's leave a big tip, shall we? My place hr a nightcap? -Two-hundred-and-fifty. Very reasonable. Let's leave a big tip, shall we? My place hr a nightcap? No, man. I'm gonna bail. -No, man. I'm gonna bail. Come on, you dumb son of a bitch. I've got a preview of the Barneys catalogue and a bottle of Absolut waiting for us. -You like Huey Lewis and the News? They're okay. BATEMAN Their early work was a little too New Wave for my taste. But then Sports came out in 1983, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. -Hey, Halberstam? Yes, Owen? -Yes, Owen? Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place? Do you have a dog? A chow or something? -Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place? Do you have a dog? A chow or something? No, Owen. -No, Owen. Is that a raincoat? -Is that a raincoat? Yes, it is. -You think so? You'll look like you consciously worked for the look. -You'll look like you consciously worked for the look. Good point. Excuse me, gentlemen. -How can he lie like that? How can he pull that shit? What shit? Now where do we have reservations at? I mean I'm not really hungry, but I would like to have reservations somewhere. -What shit? Now where do we have reservations at? I mean I'm not really hungry, but I would like to have reservations somewhere. I don't believe it. He looks so...normal. He seems so... out of it. So...undangerous. -I just don't see how someone, anyone, can appear that way and yet be involved in such total shit. How can you be so fucking, I don't know, cool about it? Some guys are just born cool, I guess. -Is it over? They still have to give 'em refreshments laced with mind-altering drugs. -They still have to give 'em refreshments laced with mind-altering drugs. You are a fanatic. -You are a fanatic. 'Gonna wait outside. -Alice? You gotta make him do the start-up with Teddy and me. """Make"" him?" -"""Make"" him?" You know what I mean. -I'm just screwed. You know what he's like. He just wants to work on stuff that's cool. -You know what he's like. He just wants to work on stuff that's cool. You don't wanna move, do you? -You don't wanna move, do you? I can paint anywhere. -I can't help it. I feel like they'd do anything to keep their -- Anything? That's not even credible. If he wants to go up there? To check it out? I think you should encourage him. It's his life. But everybody's treating him like this -- valuable object. You're hurting your own case. -I think I kind of lost it. I was just so thrilled to be talking to the richest, most powerful... 'Didn't know I even cared about that stuff. C'mon, how often do you talk to somebody who's been on the cover of Time. Three of four times. -A lot of what Larry says is true. They just clone stuff, or reverse engineer it, and everybody gets stuck with their inferior version cause they -- Then you've gotta ask him about that. -It's important. If he's really a bully, he won't cop to it, anyway. -If he's really a bully, he won't cop to it, anyway. Bully? Are we talking about Gary Boyd? Or your dad. -When I was a kid? And he was moving us all over the place? I spent all my time writing stuff on Outpost 1.0. I thought Gary Boyd was the greatest. But he's not quite the same guy anymore. Don't get your hopes too high? -If my dad'd leveled with me like that even once... The weird thing is, my fantasy he could somehow be like the old Gary? It's his fantasy, too. I think that's great, Milo. I do. -I think that's great, Milo. I do. ...But? -...But? Didn't you visit the campus? -Didn't you visit the campus? I forgot. That's why you have to help me decide. -I forgot. That's why you have to help me decide. No way. You have this -- destiny. -No way. You have this -- destiny. C'mon, I wouldn't have a destiny without you. My destiny would be dying at 20. From eating -- -C'mon, I wouldn't have a destiny without you. My destiny would be dying at 20. From eating -- Don't bring that up. Like a different girlfriend would'd've let you die? -Don't bring that up. Like a different girlfriend would'd've let you die? You saved my life in alot of ways. -When's Brian coming for the TV? Prob'ly waiting by the phone for Outpost to call. We'll leave it for him? -That took some fun out of -- We're not gonna let it. -You know he's never been anybody's counselor before? Milo! What about --? -To our new life. ...What's wrong? That's what I need to ask you. You know you can't keep anything from me. -That's what I need to ask you. You know you can't keep anything from me. "He gave me some new code-fixes this morning. I said, ""Did you really do this just today?"" Cause I was impressed. He said ""What're you implying?""" -It's the way he said it. Just the way my dad did, when he was caught in a lie. That's how you knew you were onto something ugly. What would it mean, anyway? If he didn't write it? -What would it mean, anyway? If he didn't write it? That's what I'm asking myself. Does he have some genius stowed away? Why not let him write Skywire. 'Not saying it makes sense. -He's your boss. He's not your -- I know, I know. -I know, I know. If you can't deal with him on that basis, you better get a new counselor. -If you can't deal with him on that basis, you better get a new counselor. Isn't that -- extreme? -Isn't that -- extreme? What's extreme is what that ER doctor said when he pumped your stomach. Eat another sesame seed and that's it. -I mean, if one little comment from Gary is gonna upset you this much -- You're right. It's -- a working relationship. Don't know what I was expecting. -What! Teddy was killed last night. -Teddy was killed last night. What're you -- what? -What're you -- what? It was a hate crime. -Are you saying you think they had something to do with his death? Nelson said it was an airtight case. I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe -- maybe they hired those guys. -I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe -- maybe they hired those guys. I can't see Outpost putting its reputation in the hands of people like that. -I can't see Outpost putting its reputation in the hands of people like that. "I don't know! I just know it was Teddy's code. All these ideas flying in from everywhere. You know how he says ""Any kid working in his garage can put us out of business?"" It's like they know what every kid's doing." -"I don't know! I just know it was Teddy's code. All these ideas flying in from everywhere. You know how he says ""Any kid working in his garage can put us out of business?"" It's like they know what every kid's doing." They hack into people's programs? -They hack into people's programs? Nobody does work like this on-line. It's in your PC, or in a mainframe. Self-contained. They'd have to be, like, watching people. Physically. Oh Jesus. -It isn't a broadcast studio. It's -- a surveillance post or something. That's why they have the dishes on top. You're scaring me. I think we should just go. -You're scaring me. I think we should just go. Go where? You can't get away from people like this. -Go where? You can't get away from people like this. """Like this?"" It's Gary you're talking about." -"""Like this?"" It's Gary you're talking about." You think I don't know that? -You think I don't know that? Milo. Why would he -- -Milo. Why would he -- "How should I know? ""Solving a problem,"" I guess. Or needing to control everything. I don't know. I've gotta get in there." -"How should I know? ""Solving a problem,"" I guess. Or needing to control everything. I don't know. I've gotta get in there." Even if all this were true. There're 20 other buildings. All of them filled with computers and -- -Even if all this were true. There're 20 other buildings. All of them filled with computers and -- It's the only one with dishes on the roof. The studio's a front. That's why they keep postponing its opening. ...gotta get in there. -It's the only one with dishes on the roof. The studio's a front. That's why they keep postponing its opening. ...gotta get in there. Milo, you told me those DOJ Agents are all over the place. How could they hope to hide a surveillance post? And how can you get in there, anyway? With the cameras and the swipe cards -- -Milo, you told me those DOJ Agents are all over the place. How could they hope to hide a surveillance post? And how can you get in there, anyway? With the cameras and the swipe cards -- I can't just walk away! -I can't just walk away! You can't just walk in, either. -You can't just walk in, either. They stop the construction work at six or seven. The parking lot's mostly clear by two or three in the morning. Even the early Geeks don't get there before five. -They stop the construction work at six or seven. The parking lot's mostly clear by two or three in the morning. Even the early Geeks don't get there before five. Is it two? Or is it three? Have you ever really noticed? -I know how to get in there. But you've gotta help me. ...Whaddo I do? -...Whaddo I do? So you believe me? -It's almost nine, I've been so worried! What did you see in there? Nothing. -Nothing. Nothing? -It's what they said it is. An unfinished broadcast studio. You were right... I just drove to Seattle and back. ...Why? -...Why? Remember Lyle Barton? -The Justice Department guy who came to the apartment when -- I remember. -I remember. After I broke into 21 -- which was insane, thank God they didn't catch me! -- I just drove around. Trying to figure out what possessed me. You know what? I've been putting my own guilt on Gary. -After I broke into 21 -- which was insane, thank God they didn't catch me! -- I just drove around. Trying to figure out what possessed me. You know what? I've been putting my own guilt on Gary. Guilt? -Guilt? If I'd stayed down there, maybe this wouldn't've happened. -If I'd stayed down there, maybe this wouldn't've happened. Poor baby. You know that's not true. -That was -- different. ...Different? -Where were you? You know you can't keep anything from me. Okay, yeah. I did something naughty... There's this amazing Comix store in Seattle. To tell you the truth, I did it once or twice at Stanford. 'Guess I can't keep anything from you... -Look at this. What? -What? Why doesn't he ask us to his party. He's never even met you. -Why doesn't he ask us to his party. He's never even met you. He has thousands of employees, Milo -- -He has thousands of employees, Milo -- It's for the Museum. He knows you're a painter. If anybody should be invited -- -It's for the Museum. He knows you're a painter. If anybody should be invited -- Milo -- -Milo -- I know you think I'm too attached to him, but still. I am close to Gary. And you're the most meaningful person in my life. I'm going back to the Comix place, why should I be killing myself. -I know you think I'm too attached to him, but still. I am close to Gary. And you're the most meaningful person in my life. I'm going back to the Comix place, why should I be killing myself. Milo, you -- -Are you gonna tell me where you went? I went to see the Skywire model in Gary's office. You know. Just to hold it again. -No. No. I sent an E-mail to somebody, just now. To tell her how I feel about you. You know I'm clueless, without you. You know I -- Just shut up? -Great! Look at me! I'm gonna change. -You look beautiful. Yeah? Give me a goodbye kiss. -Yeah? Give me a goodbye kiss. ...What? -...What? I know you. You're gonna run back to work right after dinner. I want my kiss now. -Milo? Don't we have any chopsticks? -Don't we have any chopsticks? Oh, right. Hold on. -Here we go. Great. -...wanna savor this. It's gonna get cold. -It's gonna get cold. Right. Wait. A toast. -Right. Wait. A toast. You're just afraid to eat it. -'Didn't mention he was going to the Justice Department? No. -No. Not like him, is it? To do a thing like that without telling you. You're not losing your hold on him, are you? -Not like him, is it? To do a thing like that without telling you. You're not losing your hold on him, are you? He'll tell me when he gets home. -He'll tell me when he gets home. That'll be a test, won't it? -That'll be a test, won't it? Instead of busting my chops you should do something about that girl. Fire her. Or something. -Instead of busting my chops you should do something about that girl. Fire her. Or something. Lisa's an extremely valuable member of the Skywire team. We've got our eyes on her. You keep yours on Milo. -Lisa's an extremely valuable member of the Skywire team. We've got our eyes on her. You keep yours on Milo. Prick. -He said it made sense that Gary's code was like Teddy's, that that cliché about great minds was true. Said it was all about his own guilt. Plus, he has a tendency to get Gary mixed-up with his dad once in a while. It always passes. He wasn't acting? -He wasn't acting? I don't think he knows how. -Don't worry, Milo. I'm here as a friend. Or maybe a supplicant. Right... What's that mean again? -Right... What's that mean again? Beggar. We're at a disadvantage with Outpost. Our experts aren't as smart as theirs. Sometimes we can't tell which technologies pose the threat of a monopoly. We need a really smart guy to help us pick our fights. I'm taking a shot in the dark, here. I can offer you 32,000 a year, a Buick. I'm hoping you've got a feeling it's the right thing to do. -Beggar. We're at a disadvantage with Outpost. Our experts aren't as smart as theirs. Sometimes we can't tell which technologies pose the threat of a monopoly. We need a really smart guy to help us pick our fights. I'm taking a shot in the dark, here. I can offer you 32,000 a year, a Buick. I'm hoping you've got a feeling it's the right thing to do. It's just -- I kind of feel the need to do something with my ability. Create something... -It's just -- I kind of feel the need to do something with my ability. Create something... Like I said: shot in the dark. -Mr. Barton, do you remember me? ...It's -- Milo, isn't it? -...It's -- Milo, isn't it? Yes sir. I need to talk to you. -Yes sir. I need to talk to you. Give me two seconds with Lacy here? Go on in, I won't be a moment. -Milo? Yeah. Hi. Thank you for seeing me. -Yeah. Hi. Thank you for seeing me. Have a seat. -What seems to be the problem? You look a little upset. I am. I am, sir. -Milo? My friend, my best friend, Teddy, was killed in Silicon Valley. -My friend, my best friend, Teddy, was killed in Silicon Valley. My goodness. -My goodness. It was racially motivated. He's Chinese. He was. And... I know sometimes the FBI gets involved with that. Don't they? -It was racially motivated. He's Chinese. He was. And... I know sometimes the FBI gets involved with that. Don't they? If there's a Civil Rights violation. But generally we let the local police and DA do their work first. -If there's a Civil Rights violation. But generally we let the local police and DA do their work first. I -- just wanna help bring these guys to justice. They're neo-Nazis. -I -- just wanna help bring these guys to justice. They're neo-Nazis. Let me look into it, see what's being done. Frankly, it's not my area. -Let me look into it, see what's being done. Frankly, it's not my area. 'Just didn't know who else to talk to. -'Just didn't know who else to talk to. And Outpost? You're happy there? -And Outpost? You're happy there? Yes sir. -You're living here? 'Thought if I relocated it could help my case. I'm writing programs for the local public access station. Where any whack-job with 100 bucks gets his own show? God, does it suck. Can you help me? -'Thought if I relocated it could help my case. I'm writing programs for the local public access station. Where any whack-job with 100 bucks gets his own show? God, does it suck. Can you help me? Sure, I'll see what I can do. -Well I parked illegally. See y'later? 'Forgot to introduce you. I have a girlfriend. -This is the biggest Beta demo in like the history of software. You'd be my partner. You can't pre-empt Yoga, that's our biggest show. -You can't pre-empt Yoga, that's our biggest show. Brian! You wanna be a big deal, don't you? That's your dream in life. -Will I get to work for Outpost? No. But you can write your own ticket in the Valley after this. We're gonna bring down Outpost. -No. But you can write your own ticket in the Valley after this. We're gonna bring down Outpost. What? -What? What'd they ever do for you? -Okay. Great. Great! We need to drag a lot of heavy stuff in front of the door -- -Great. Great! We need to drag a lot of heavy stuff in front of the door -- What?! -What?! Wanna be a part of history? -You're interfaced with our dish. Gimme the coordinates? -Is it your software? Is it your dish? -What?! He's working backwards, too. Let's do number five? -...When did you know? You should've called a few times to bug me about your job prospects. -That's gotta kill him, right? Outpost was his baby, sure. On the other hand, we just learned Gary Boyd owns the Skywire satellites. Personally. -Outpost was his baby, sure. On the other hand, we just learned Gary Boyd owns the Skywire satellites. Personally. Outpost doesn't own em. -Conglomerates're lined up to finance the launch of the remaining satellites. They'll pay him a huge premium to get on-line. That'd change with a criminal indictment. -That'd change with a criminal indictment. There's no hard evidence he knew about this. Anybody who could implicate him seems to've vanished. -There's no hard evidence he knew about this. Anybody who could implicate him seems to've vanished. Isn't there a stigma? Bankrolling this guy? -Isn't there a stigma? Bankrolling this guy? Stigma? Larry! 60 billion buys you some slack in this world. -Stigma? Larry! 60 billion buys you some slack in this world. And the kid who wrote Skywire -- then gave it away? They're calling him the digital Robin Hood. -And the kid who wrote Skywire -- then gave it away? They're calling him the digital Robin Hood. Milo. Surprised he's not your guest. -Milo. Surprised he's not your guest. We tried! -We tried! You better believe everybody's trying to sign him up. -Milo? I'm Danny. Oh hi. -'Couldn't convince Teddy to come? He's pretty tight with his family. -He's pretty tight with his family. We could move 'em up here. -We could move 'em up here. He just likes to write code. He's bummed there's so much secrecy and competition, everybody trying to own everything. -Who's that? "I think they call him the ""Houseman."" 'Cause ""guard"" sounds too weird." -...Hello? Milo? Gary Boyd. I'm hoping you and your friend can come up here. We've made some amazing strides in digital convergence. I'd love to show them to you. -Milo? Gary Boyd. I'm hoping you and your friend can come up here. We've made some amazing strides in digital convergence. I'd love to show them to you. You would? Wow. When would we come? 'Think he hung up. -Cool! Would you like a Coke or something? -Would you like a Coke or something? Oh. No thanks. -You know a lot about art, I guess. There's a rumor going around, maybe you've heard it. -I've only shown this to three other people. I bought 200, we've launched 12 so far. I keep the coordinates in this room. It's left over from SDI. Reagan's Star Wars technology? They orbit 426 miles up. Low enough to relay internet traffic. -Low enough to relay internet traffic. Among other things... We know convergence is the real super-highway: all the PC's, TV's, phones, etc. linked together. Why cram it into a cable if you can use the whole sky? -Among other things... We know convergence is the real super-highway: all the PC's, TV's, phones, etc. linked together. Why cram it into a cable if you can use the whole sky? Skywire. -The content filer has t'be written into the media files so bits coming off the satellite can be read by multiplatforms. Really, omniplatforms. Including whatever new hardware emerges. It needs a more object-oriented language. This doesn't scale, does it? -It needs a more object-oriented language. This doesn't scale, does it? You'd have to start practically from scratch. But this is all you'd be working on. No marketing meetings, no product seminars. We can't waste the time. Half the Valley's working on convergence. So're media conglomerates, cable companies, phone companies. 'Can't finish second, Milo. There is no second... Now what would you like to ask me? -When you get to a certain age, you start wondering. About your legacy. I doubt you even remember Outpost 1.0 -- I do! -I do! Yeah? I wanna feel like I did when I wrote that. But I'm 42, that's 100 in cyber-years. I look at you and see the things that got me here. But somehow got away. -No! Just waiting for my counselor to come by and introduce himself. Okay. I'm Gary. -'Think I should buy some originals? ...Do I? -...Do I? Somebody said I'm just another Philistine. With reproductions. -Somebody said I'm just another Philistine. With reproductions. That's insane. You're ahead of your time. -That's insane. You're ahead of your time. That's what I told her. My wife. -Could work with a new switch. There may be a few more things hidden. Don't spend too much time searching. You ever vetted somebody's old code before? It's a different skill. Stay close to the surface. The best-hidden secrets are in plain sight. You know the best place to hide a leaf, right? In a tree. -How's it going? Maybe I'm going too fast. -Maybe I'm going too fast. Too fast? At least four companies're on the verge of workable convergence systems, Milo, they -- -It's okay. Really. Take a look at this. Slightly different approach. -You did this -- overnight? You're making me young again. -Milo. What's up? Well -- you sent for me. -Well -- you sent for me. Right... Right. -You really wrote this just today? What're you implying. -What're you implying. Nothing! -Everything I do is under scrutiny. The questions they ask, trying to make anything strategic look sordid. I'm confused. Doesn't everybody in business try to get ahead? I'm sure. -I'm sure. The purpose of this company isn't to destroy our competitors any more than the purpose of living is to breath. But the software business is binary: you're a zero or a one. Being obsessive isn't a crime. It's a character trait. -It scales, don't you think? Definitely. -I heard what happened. Were the flags for Teddy? -Had you talked to him much lately? Just once. 'Guess I was worried we didn't have anything to talk about, since work was off-limits. Non- disclosure. -Just once. 'Guess I was worried we didn't have anything to talk about, since work was off-limits. Non- disclosure. Did you? -Did you? Talk about work? Never! -Talk about work? Never! I meant did you find other stuff to -- -I meant did you find other stuff to -- Oh. Yeah. -Oh. Yeah. You've been coming in early. -You've been coming in early. It helps. Alice said it would help. To focus on something. 'Don't know what I'd do without her. -Wow. You must have 20,000 lines of code there... 34,000. But they're real short lines. 'Just came out that way. -Been thinking about the push mechanism in the handler. And it came over me: it's in the wrong place. The wrong place? -The wrong place? The answer's not in the box. It's in the band. -Gary, hi. You look a little tired. -You look a little tired. I'm okay. It's going well! -I'm okay. It's going well! 'Have a look? -'Have a look? Sure. -Why did you move around so much? When you were a kid. "...My dad was a compulsive gambler. Only he didn't think he was. That applied to guys who didn't have a ""system."" ""Losers,"" who played games of chance. He could ""read"" people, so chance had nothing to do with it. No matter how deep a hole he dug himself, he'd give you the whole speech. And you'd better not point out the obvious. His creditors would catch up to him. Loan sharks or whatever. He'd wake us in the middle of the night. Off we'd go, again." -"...My dad was a compulsive gambler. Only he didn't think he was. That applied to guys who didn't have a ""system."" ""Losers,"" who played games of chance. He could ""read"" people, so chance had nothing to do with it. No matter how deep a hole he dug himself, he'd give you the whole speech. And you'd better not point out the obvious. His creditors would catch up to him. Loan sharks or whatever. He'd wake us in the middle of the night. Off we'd go, again." What would you tell the kids? At your new school? You had to come up with a good story, right? -No. I just went deeper into the machine. Preferred being the geek to having to explain. Lying would've been worse. ...Worse? -...Worse? "Cause he was a liar. And I hated him. ""Get your head out of that machine, wise up to the real world."" The more he mocked me the deeper I went. Cause if being savvy meant being like him -- Guess that's why I'm kind of clueless, even now. Didn't cultivate my conniving side. 'Not sure I even have one." -"Cause he was a liar. And I hated him. ""Get your head out of that machine, wise up to the real world."" The more he mocked me the deeper I went. Cause if being savvy meant being like him -- Guess that's why I'm kind of clueless, even now. Didn't cultivate my conniving side. 'Not sure I even have one." Don't be so hard on yourself. With a brain like yours, you could connive with the best of 'em I bet. -That's great! Thanks. 'Sorry about the late notice... -"""Dear Lisa. I've enjoyed working with you. I'd be lying if I didn't say I find you attractive. But in my heart I know that Alice..."" You left my party to send E-mail?" I couldn't do it at work cause of security or at home for -- obvious reasons. -You could've handwritten it. I'm not much good at handwriting. Or parties. -I'm not much good at handwriting. Or parties. "Oh, that's right. You're ""clueless.""" -Gary, I -- You see what's hanging on the wall? -I hope you know what you mean to me. Not just because of what you're doing. Because of who you are. I do know, Gary. I feel the same way. I thought I was coming here for a job. But it's meant a lot more. -I'm pretty close. But when I wrote the last contact switches, it wiped out a piece of the content filer. You know what it's like, writing software. I do know. You focus on the big problem. But somewhere down the chain, something breaks down. Something gets destroyed. At first it's upsetting. You feel you've lost control. -This is good. Who did it? 'Start-up not 50 miles from here. Kid's on Prozac. -'Start-up not 50 miles from here. Kid's on Prozac. Maybe we should all get on it. -What'd the girl say? There may be a little less trust after your outburst. -Hasn't affected his work, though. Nothing does. Still. I want him to like me. -Help me change the Skywire settings. Add five degrees to each satellite coordinate. Gary, don't worry, we -- -Gary, don't worry, we -- Just do what I'm asking! -Okay, #2. Longitude 48 degrees 06 minutes -- -Ready for number three? Let's go. -Let's go. Longitude 109 -- -Longitude 109 -- Wait... He knows. -Wait... He knows. What? -What? 'Knows I'm altering the coordinates. Let's jump to #12. -'Knows I'm altering the coordinates. Let's jump to #12. Gary? -Gary? Just do it. -All the companies know. The faculties tell 'em. At the target schools. In exchange for endowments. They should just drop the pretense and name the schools after 'em. -I think you should go. You do? -You do? I mean, it's your life. -I know you lost all his work. Maybe I could come down here and -- You are naive. Look at your employment contract: you can't work anywhere else in this field for at least few years. Not that I don't miss you. -You are naive. Look at your employment contract: you can't work anywhere else in this field for at least few years. Not that I don't miss you. Just thought his work should go on. -Just thought his work should go on. "He was on the verge of something, too. He was gonna show us the next day. He said ""The answer's not in the box, it's in the band."" Know what it means?" -"He was on the verge of something, too. He was gonna show us the next day. He said ""The answer's not in the box, it's in the band."" Know what it means?" It's only meaningful when you've got 40,000 lines of code to back it up. -It's only meaningful when you've got 40,000 lines of code to back it up. Man, could he write code. Totally elegant. He had his own style. -Man, could he write code. Totally elegant. He had his own style. Those really weird, short lines. -Your app kind of blew mine out of the water. We'll come up with the next big thing. -We'll come up with the next big thing. ...You wanna work -- here? -...You wanna work -- here? Got out of my other commitment. -You guys'll be using Teddy's old space, is that okay? Cool. -Could it be a glitch? Something the construction workers caused? Unlikely. All 14 cameras are frozen. Do we call Randy and Phil? Tell 'em there may have been a break-in? -Unlikely. All 14 cameras are frozen. Do we call Randy and Phil? Tell 'em there may have been a break-in? Not yet. 'Love to bust my ass cause I'm not in frigging Mensa. I swear to God, it's that kid Milo, I told 'em so in the first place, but they didn't even wanna hear about it. Let's run a printout on card entries. -Every entry was authorized. Keep looking. -Keep looking. What're we looking for? -What're we looking for? Any irregularity in the pattern. -Delbert seems to enter #21 twice. Without leaving the first time. Let's get him in here. -Get the backslash, the colon, keys kids don't use but geeks do. What would Milo want in here, anyway? They know. 'Just they don't trust me with it. So we'll get the evidence, first, ask questions later. -You calling Phil and Randy? I'm calling Gary. -Come with me. Where we going? -Now what are we doing? I don't get any of this shit! I launched Skywire. Just pray the last set of coordinates Milo sent me connected us to Gary's satellite. -Lisa. You know my name. -You know my name. You know mine. -You know mine. You're famous around here. -You're famous around here. I'm getting a teacher's pet rep. -I'm getting a teacher's pet rep. I wouldn't worry about it. You've gotta figure most people around here were their teachers' pets. -I wouldn't worry about it. You've gotta figure most people around here were their teachers' pets. ...Were you? -...Were you? We moved around so much I barely knew my teachers. -We moved around so much I barely knew my teachers. Me too! Were you an Army brat or something? -Me too! Were you an Army brat or something? ...Something like that. Yeah. -...Something like that. Yeah. Didn't mean to pry. I just have this theory. Some of us who got to good at this? We were -- escaping something. -Did I say something? No, I know what you mean. I used to spend my life wishing people could be like computers. Least they make sense. Sometimes you think they've betrayed you. Like a person would. But then you see, no, you just missed a step. You can go back and make it all work. -What've you got there? Graphical interfaces. For Skywire? I'm s'posed to coordinate with you. -Graphical interfaces. For Skywire? I'm s'posed to coordinate with you. Show me. -Cool! Yeah? I ran it for lots of platforms, ranging from the narrowest bandwidth to -- -Did you wanna be alone? No. Please. -They just pushed up the schedule on Skywire apps. How fast are you going? """There is no second place."" Plus every time I get jammed-up, Gary has an inspiration. Is it like that with your counselor?" -"""There is no second place."" Plus every time I get jammed-up, Gary has an inspiration. Is it like that with your counselor?" Mine's not the CEO. He barely remembers to take a shower. -Mine's not the CEO. He barely remembers to take a shower. Right, right. But does he ever just, like, hand you code? -Right, right. But does he ever just, like, hand you code? Maybe once. I re-wrote it, anyway. -Maybe once. I re-wrote it, anyway. You're compulsive. -You're compulsive. Mmm-more like -- I have a little trouble. Trusting people. -Mmm-more like -- I have a little trouble. Trusting people. Why's that? -Why's that? Long story. Not that interesting. -So, when you were talking about wishing people were more like computers. Was that then? Or now? Then and now. But not right now. -That's great. I -- didn't know. She saved my life. -I snuck into #21. Why would you do a thing like -- -Why would you do a thing like -- You thought about it too. You've been suspicious for a while. But it's not happening in there. It's happening in the Day Care. -You thought about it too. You've been suspicious for a while. But it's not happening in there. It's happening in the Day Care. The Day Care? -It's easy to know who the smart geeks are, the schools tell 'em. They upload medical files, school records, pharmacy files. They'd be happy just to steal code forever. But when a program gets close to fruition. Like Teddy. He was almost there. But why would they --? -But why would they --? "You know. There is no second place. And what's the risk? The killings're undetectable, they're hand-tailored, they make ""sense."" I mean, they're in the information business. They have scenarios for all of us, too. In case we find out too much." -I know why you're so secretive. Why you won't let anybody near you. I know what he did to you. Oh yeah? -Is that my -- scenario? Tell me. They'd frame him. -They'd frame him. He's out of prison? -He's out of prison? "They're already watching you. If they had to, they'd give him this drug that mimics an alcoholic blackout. He'd wake up not even remembering his ""act of revenge.""" -...Milo? Hmm? -Hmm? I always felt if a -- boy I liked ever found out -- he'd run. He'd think I was unclean. -I always felt if a -- boy I liked ever found out -- he'd run. He'd think I was unclean. No, no. Never. -What about the FBI? They've got this guy in the DOJ, maybe others. We tell the wrong person, it's over. -They've got this guy in the DOJ, maybe others. We tell the wrong person, it's over. Who can we trust? -Who can we trust? There's always a logical answer -- you just have to define the question. -Do we post it on the Net? There're so many disinformation sites about Gary already. Where he has devil's horns or they crop him in with Saddam Hussein. -The mainstream media. TV, or a newsmagazine. Right. But Gary's tied-in to a lot of media conglomerates. Have to be careful who we pick. -Right. But Gary's tied-in to a lot of media conglomerates. Have to be careful who we pick. We could cross-reference a data base on media ownership. But not on our own computers. Not even at home. -We could cross-reference a data base on media ownership. But not on our own computers. Not even at home. Certainly not at my happy home. -He's buying up pretty much everything: cable companies, baby bells, picture libraries, museum rights, film archives... Getting ready for Skywire. "What about ""60 Minutes.""" -"What about ""60 Minutes.""" "Yeah, they dig stuff like this. ""CBS News has partnered with Outpost Information Systems in a cable news network due to launch Fall of 2001.""" -"Yeah, they dig stuff like this. ""CBS News has partnered with Outpost Information Systems in a cable news network due to launch Fall of 2001.""" But still, you can't say CBS wouldn't love to break something like -- -But still, you can't say CBS wouldn't love to break something like -- "Say there's just one ""mole"" working there, like Barton at the DOJ. How do we know he's not the guy we've contacted? Or she? Or the guy she works for?" -Time? "Time-Warner has a 40 per cent stake in Gary's set-top device. That also takes out CNN. ""GE joins Outpost in new venture,"" which means NBC is out. ""Disney joins Outpost,"" ABC is out. ""Outpost and Newscorp in new deal,"" Fox is out. Any of these places could have a mole. Or all of 'em. It's like a a continuous loop. We can go to some alternative press place that 1,000 people read, get them and us killed. But anything big enough for this is a parent of or a subsidiary to something Gary's got a finger in!" -How close are you? What? -What? He's got 12 satellites up. He's got dishes on top of 21. He's building this -- mega-network for Skywire. Let's use it. -We can't just assume they're standing by to receive Skywire 12 months from launch. I'd have to write in an aglet. A what? -A what? It's how on-line services push logos they wanna sell you. You don't ask for 'em, they just appear. 'Have to work on it somewhere besides my office or my house. And then the quality of the broadcast wouldn't exactly be digital, that's 12 months away. -It's how on-line services push logos they wanna sell you. You don't ask for 'em, they just appear. 'Have to work on it somewhere besides my office or my house. And then the quality of the broadcast wouldn't exactly be digital, that's 12 months away. But they'd still get the idea, right? -But they'd still get the idea, right? You'd have to design a graphic interface to make the data pop. Maybe some audio, too. To tie it all in to Gary. How long would that take you? -You'd have to design a graphic interface to make the data pop. Maybe some audio, too. To tie it all in to Gary. How long would that take you? It's a standard GUI. Once I've got a concept, it's maybe three day's work. -It's a standard GUI. Once I've got a concept, it's maybe three day's work. Gary knows I'm close on Skywire. We have to do this fast. -Gary knows I'm close on Skywire. We have to do this fast. Before they kill somebody else, too. -Before they kill somebody else, too. Oh, man. I'd have to get into Gary's house. To get the satellite positions. -Oh, man. I'd have to get into Gary's house. To get the satellite positions. You mean -- break in? -You mean -- break in? I don't know -- -I don't know -- And what if the broadcast dishes on top of 21 aren't hot yet? You said the place isn't finished. -Why were you so careless? I thought the worst they would do is fire me. Who knew they took termination so literally? -Why were you snooping in my office? Oh. I liked you. I was checking you out. -'Think everybody in this place is here the same reason we are? 'Cause their apartments might be bugged? -I told Teddy about you. What'd he say? -What'd he say? """A beautiful geek? What're the chances?""" -"I felt guilty. 'Cause I ""owed so much"" to Alice. But even then I was starting to wonder. Is it so great to be so consumed by this one thing that you let another person do your thinking for you? If you have a lucrative skill, it's all anybody wants from you. You grow older but you don't grow up. You turn into -- into --" Gary. -Great. I knocked off the aglet, as soon as I get a passable version of Skywire we're there. The dishes are juiced up, too. -The dishes are juiced up, too. Thank God. -Thank God. Milo? Shrot suspects somebody broke into #21. I was in his office when he was reviewing the card readouts. -Milo? Shrot suspects somebody broke into #21. I was in his office when he was reviewing the card readouts. They know I broke in. Alice helped me. Shrot's not one of them. He's blundering into this on his own. -They know I broke in. Alice helped me. Shrot's not one of them. He's blundering into this on his own. He doesn't know about the Day Care. -He doesn't know about the Day Care. Hardly anybody does, that's the beauty part. No cameras, the DOJ doesn't bother with it, it's accessed by a tunnel they boast about. You know the best place to hide a leaf? -Hardly anybody does, that's the beauty part. No cameras, the DOJ doesn't bother with it, it's accessed by a tunnel they boast about. You know the best place to hide a leaf? Yeah, that's old, in a tree. -Yeah, that's old, in a tree. Oh. -Oh. Milo? What if Shrot notices somebody entered the Day Care at four A.M.? And tells them about it? -Same with the excerpts I'm choosing: they'll play against any of the images you described. Perfect. How am I gonna get away from the party long enough to -- -Perfect. How am I gonna get away from the party long enough to -- You could always say you have to go the bathroom. -You could always say you have to go the bathroom. That's lame, isn't it? -That's lame, isn't it? You'll come up with something. -Does he know you know? He suspects I know something. I think he was sort of -- explaining himself to me, in case I do. We have to go in tonight. I'm two hours from a Beta version. But I've gotta go home for an hour. -He suspects I know something. I think he was sort of -- explaining himself to me, in case I do. We have to go in tonight. I'm two hours from a Beta version. But I've gotta go home for an hour. Why?! -Why?! She called to apologize. I said I was pulling an all-nighter. She said then come home just to say Hi. Which I always do when we fight, it's suspicious if I don't. -She called to apologize. I said I was pulling an all-nighter. She said then come home just to say Hi. Which I always do when we fight, it's suspicious if I don't. Please don't go. -Please don't go. At this point the worst thing I could do is anything out of the ordinary. -Meet me at the other location. Tell me you're not calling on your car phone?! -They know, I had no choice. Get out of the house now! Do you have a laptop? It's three years old, it -- -It's three years old, it -- Bring it to the other location. -Bring it to the other location. But you said the other -- -Maybe it's the satellite. Let's try #2. -...He knows. What? -What? He's been altering the coordinates since we logged on. He's a step ahead. Let's jump to #12. -Latitude 47 degrees. Wait a second. He knows I know. -...You got my E-mail? And your phone messages. You wanna do what you do, it's not a crime. -And your phone messages. You wanna do what you do, it's not a crime. Is that how Larry feels? -Is that how Larry feels? Uh. Not exactly. -Wanted to say goodbye to him... Hey, we got seed money for the startup! A million-five! -We rented a loft in Sunnyvale. You know what's the bad part? We can't talk about work anymore. We're competitors! The venture capitalists made us sign like 100 confidentiality forms. Outpost made me sign 1,000. 'Guess we'll find out what else we have to talk about. Life stuff. -But these, like, White Supremacists trashed my office, last week. What?! -They're in the neighborhood. They usually hassle Vietnamese grocers. Jesus, Teddy. -Jesus, Teddy. I'm cool. They didn't touch the machine. Or my disks. Probably didn't know what they were. So, you a Moonie yet? Milo? -I'm cool. They didn't touch the machine. Or my disks. Probably didn't know what they were. So, you a Moonie yet? Milo? I met this girl. -I met this girl. What? Come on. Is it serious? -What? Come on. Is it serious? I don't know. -I don't know. Did you tell Alice? -Did you tell Alice? No! I keep thinking it'll go away. But there's this -- connection. She's been hacking since she was little, she had to move around a lot. Plus I see her every day, we're working on the same program. She's -- beautiful. -No! I keep thinking it'll go away. But there's this -- connection. She's been hacking since she was little, she had to move around a lot. Plus I see her every day, we're working on the same program. She's -- beautiful. A beautiful geek? I don't wanna sound paranoid, or like a pig, but what're the chances? -A beautiful geek? I don't wanna sound paranoid, or like a pig, but what're the chances? What d'you mean? -What d'you mean? I dunno. I guess Larry's got me totally suspicious of that place. -I dunno. I guess Larry's got me totally suspicious of that place. What does that mean? -What does that mean? Milo, geeks don't have two girlfriends. Most don't have one. -Milo, geeks don't have two girlfriends. Most don't have one. I didn't plan this. -So -- how far are we from the campus? Oh we're not going to the campus. -So how'd you like the house? His Snapples were in alphabetical order. -His Snapples were in alphabetical order. Well, he micro-managed the company till it got too big... 'Guess he needs to micro-manage something. -Every geek here's got a thing for Lisa. But that's about the biggest reaction she's had to anybody. She's a programmer? -She's a programmer? Heavy graphical background, doing design-interface for Skywire apps. You'll be working with her. -Heavy graphical background, doing design-interface for Skywire apps. You'll be working with her. I've got a girlfriend, remember? -I've got a girlfriend, remember? Right. That's rare around here. You know how nuns' re-married to Jesus? 'Posties are married to Outpost. -What're they building? #21. Way behind schedule. It's top- secret, but everybody knows it's a digital broadcast space. They see the dishes on top, the fiber optics going in. -#21. Way behind schedule. It's top- secret, but everybody knows it's a digital broadcast space. They see the dishes on top, the fiber optics going in. Gary's not into fiber optics. He's betting everything on the satellites. -Gary's not into fiber optics. He's betting everything on the satellites. You wanna survive in the software business, you cover your bets... I gotta say, this is the weirdest car anybody ever requested. -We tried the big vaporware number, Gary, it's no-sale. Can we buy into their IPO? Or is that a Justice Dept. problem? -Can we buy into their IPO? Or is that a Justice Dept. problem? There is no public offering. The guy who wrote it joined some freakazoid cult in San Luis Obispo. 'Wrote this just to run their web site. -Maybe he'll get back to work. Speaking of which... -Speaking of which... Yeah, yeah. -Did you download Corey? In San Jose? Damn. 'Have to go back over there. Be so much easier if we could walk in the front door. -Damn. 'Have to go back over there. Be so much easier if we could walk in the front door. You don't look anything like a three- year-old. -What is it? Not much. Glorified cherry bomb. Right by the civil defense sign? Some geek's idea of irony. I been saying we need a camera in this hall. -Not much. Glorified cherry bomb. Right by the civil defense sign? Some geek's idea of irony. I been saying we need a camera in this hall. There's nothing in this hall. Someone's pulling your chain, as usual. -There's nothing in this hall. Someone's pulling your chain, as usual. Unless it's a diversion. Milo's in my office. He was tailgating, so I -- -That kid's the great white hope. I could get it out of him. -I could get it out of him. You're not listening. -Who're these guys? Where is he? -Where is he? We're too late. Take a look. -Fellas, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave here now. Wait a second. I'm the one who found out he was mucking around in here in the first place. -Wait a second. I'm the one who found out he was mucking around in here in the first place. We're all grateful for that. Really. Go out the way you came in? -You seem surprised to see me. I thought you'd quit while you were ahead. -I thought you'd quit while you were ahead. What, and watch all my earnings go... Down the toilet? -What, and watch all my earnings go... Down the toilet? What do you want, Mr... Cunningham, was it? -What do you want, Mr... Cunningham, was it? Call me Ritchie, Miss Fagina. May I call you Alotta... Please? -Call me Ritchie, Miss Fagina. May I call you Alotta... Please? You may. -You may. Your boss, Number Two, I understand that cat's involved in big underground drills. -Your boss, Number Two, I understand that cat's involved in big underground drills. Virtucon's main interest is in cable television, but they do have a subterranean construction division, yes. How did you know? -Virtucon's main interest is in cable television, but they do have a subterranean construction division, yes. How did you know? I didn't, baby, you just told me. -I didn't, baby, you just told me. It's for the mining industry, Mr. Cunningham. We can talk about business later. But first, let me slip into something more comfortable. -It's for the mining industry, Mr. Cunningham. We can talk about business later. But first, let me slip into something more comfortable. Behave! -Come in. I'd rather talk about Number Two. -I'd rather talk about Number Two. Don't you like girls, Mr. Cunningham? Come in, and I'll show you everything you need to know. -May I wash you? Groovy. -In Japan, men come first and women come second. Or sometimes not at all. -Or sometimes not at all. Care for some saki? -Care for some saki? Sak-i it to me! -How do you feel, Mr. Cunningham? Mmmm... I feel extreme relaxation. -'Pardon me for being rude, It was not me, it was my food. It just popped up to say hello, and now it's gone back down below.' That's very clever. Do you know any other poems? -That's very clever. Do you know any other poems? 'Milk, milk, lemonade. Round the corner fudge is made. Stick your finger in the hole, And out comes a tootsie roll!' -'Milk, milk, lemonade. Round the corner fudge is made. Stick your finger in the hole, And out comes a tootsie roll!' Thank you, that's beautiful. To your health. -Thank you, that's beautiful. To your health. To my health. -To my health. Kiss me. -Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Is it about my teeth? -Is it about my teeth? Yes. -Yes. Damn. What exactly do you do at Virtucon? -Damn. What exactly do you do at Virtucon? I'll tell you all in due time, after we make love. But first, tell me another poem. -I'll tell you all in due time, after we make love. But first, tell me another poem. I think it was Wordsworth who penned this little gem: 'Press the button, pull the chain, out comes a chocolate choo-choo train.' -I think it was Wordsworth who penned this little gem: 'Press the button, pull the chain, out comes a chocolate choo-choo train.' Oh, you're very clever. Let's make love, you silly, hairy little man. -Austin Powers? Hi, I'm Andy Warhol. Hey, how are you? -Hey, how are you? Hungry. -Hungry. Here, have this can of Campbell's Tomato Soup. -I'm going to paint this can of soup and become famous and not give you any credit for it. If you can become famous, everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame, man. -If you can become famous, everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame, man. """Fifteen minutes of fame?"" I'm going to use that quote and not give you any credit for that, either." -"""Fifteen minutes of fame?"" I'm going to use that quote and not give you any credit for that, either." Smashing! -Hello, Austin. This is Basil Exposition, Chief of British Intelligence. You're Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, and you're with Agent Mrs. Kensington. The year is 1967, and you're talking on a picture phone. We know all that, Exposition. -We know all that, Exposition. I just wanted to be extremely clear so that everyone knows what's going on at any given time. We've just received word that Dr. Evil, the ultimate square, is planning to take over the world. -I just wanted to be extremely clear so that everyone knows what's going on at any given time. We've just received word that Dr. Evil, the ultimate square, is planning to take over the world. Dr. Evil? I thought I put him in jail for good. -Dr. Evil? I thought I put him in jail for good. I'm afraid not. Earlier this week, Dr. Evil escaped from Zedel Edel Prison in Baaden Baaden and now he's planning a trap for you tonight at the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club in Picadilly Circus here in swinging London. -Just where you'd never think to look for him. We'll be there. Good luck, Austin. -Good luck, Austin. Thank you. -Thank you. Oh, and Austin... -Oh, and Austin... Yes? -Yes? Be careful. -Be careful. Thank you. Let's go, baby! -Where am I? You're in the Ministry of Defense. It's 1997. You've been cryogenically frozen for thirty years. -You're in the Ministry of Defense. It's 1997. You've been cryogenically frozen for thirty years. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? -WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? The shouting is a temporary side- effect of the unfreezing process. -The shouting is a temporary side- effect of the unfreezing process. Yes, I'm having trouble controlling... THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE! -Yes, I'm having trouble controlling... THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE! You might also experience a slight fever, dry mouth, and flatulence at moments of extreme relaxation. Austin, this is Commander Gilmour, Strategic Command, and General Borschevsky, Russian Intelligence. -You might also experience a slight fever, dry mouth, and flatulence at moments of extreme relaxation. Austin, this is Commander Gilmour, Strategic Command, and General Borschevsky, Russian Intelligence. Russian Intelligence? Are you mad? -Russian Intelligence? Are you mad? A lot's happened since you were frozen, Austin. The cold war's over. -A lot's happened since you were frozen, Austin. The cold war's over. Thank God. Those capitalist dogs will finally pay for their crimes against the people, hey Comrades? -Thank God. Those capitalist dogs will finally pay for their crimes against the people, hey Comrades? We won, Austin. -We won, Austin. Groovy. Smashing! Good on ya! Nice tie. Yea capitalism! -When do I begin? Immediately. You'll be working with Ms. Kensington. -Immediately. You'll be working with Ms. Kensington. You mean Mrs. Kensington? -You mean Mrs. Kensington? No, Austin, Mrs. Kensington has long- since retired. Ms. Kensington is her daughter. -Vanessa's one of our top agents. My God, Vanessa's got a smashing body. I bet she shags like a minx. How do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner monologue? I hope I didn't say that out loud just now. -Yes, well...Agent Kensington will get you set up. She's very dedicated. Perhaps, a little too dedicated. She's got a bit of a bug up her ass. Good luck, Austin, the world's depending on you. Thank you, Exposition. -Thank you, Exposition. Oh, and Austin... -Oh, and Austin... Yes? -Yes? Be careful. -Be careful. Thanks. -Hello Austin. Hello Vanessa. This is Basil Exposition, from British Intelligence. There's a company in Las Vegas called Virtucon that we think may be linked to Dr. Evil. Many of the Virtucon executives gamble at the hotel/casino where you'll be staying. That's the first place you should look. Well, I'm off to the chat rooms. Thank you, Exposition. -Thank you, Exposition. Oh, and Austin... -Oh, and Austin... Yes? -Yes? Be careful. -Hello, Austin, this is Basil Exposition from British Intelligence. Thank you for confirming the link between Dr. Evil and Virtucon. Find out what part Virtucon plays in something called Project Vulcan. I'll need you and Vanessa to get on that immediately. Right away, Exposition. -Right away, Exposition. Where is Vanessa, by the way? -She's working on another lead right now. Then you'll have to go it alone. Good luck. -Then you'll have to go it alone. Good luck. Thank you, Basil. -Thank you, Basil. Oh, and Austin... -Oh, and Austin... Yes? -Yes? Let me remind you that because of the unfreezing process you might experience flatulence at moments of extreme relaxation. -Let me remind you that because of the unfreezing process you might experience flatulence at moments of extreme relaxation. Oh, yes. Thank you. -Oh, yes. Thank you. There's one more thing, Austin. -There's one more thing, Austin. Yes? -Yes? Be careful. -Be careful. Thank you. -Hello, Exposition. Austin, Vanessa, let me bring you up to speed. Dr. Evil has high- jacked a nuclear warhead from Kreplachistan and is holding the world ransom for one-hundred billion dollars. If the world doesn't pay up in four days, he's threatening to destroy the world. -Austin, Vanessa, let me bring you up to speed. Dr. Evil has high- jacked a nuclear warhead from Kreplachistan and is holding the world ransom for one-hundred billion dollars. If the world doesn't pay up in four days, he's threatening to destroy the world. Thank you, Exposition. Only two things, scare me, and one is nuclear war. -Thank you, Exposition. Only two things, scare me, and one is nuclear war. What's the other? -What's the other? Excuse me? -Excuse me? What's the other thing you're scared of? -What's the other thing you're scared of? Carnies. -Carnies. What? -What? Circus folk. Nomads, you know. They smell like cabbage. -Circus folk. Nomads, you know. They smell like cabbage. Indeed... If we could get back to the business at hand. It's one thing to have a warhead, it's quite another thing to have the missiles to launch it. -Indeed... If we could get back to the business at hand. It's one thing to have a warhead, it's quite another thing to have the missiles to launch it. Maybe these photographs are the last piece of that puzzle. I've uncovered the details on Project Vulcan. It's a new subterranean warhead delivery system. -Maybe these photographs are the last piece of that puzzle. I've uncovered the details on Project Vulcan. It's a new subterranean warhead delivery system. Good God, and underground missile. We've long feared such a development. -My God, Austin, what have you done? That's not your mother, that's a man! -I'm sorry, Basil, I thought she was a man. Damn it, man! You're talking about my mother! -Damn it, man! You're talking about my mother! You must admit, she is rather mannish. No offense, but if that's a woman, it looks like she's been beaten with an ugly stick. -All right, Austin, I think you should go. I think if everyone were honest, they'd confess that the lady looks exactly like a man in drag. -I think if everyone were honest, they'd confess that the lady looks exactly like a man in drag. I'm leaving! Oh, and Austin? -I'm leaving! Oh, and Austin? Yes, Basil? -Yes, Basil? Be careful. -Be careful. Thanks. -Well, Austin, you've stopped Dr. Evil from destroying the world with his subterranean nuclear probe, and somehow you and Agent Kensington managed to escape unscathed from his evil lair. I'd say that about sums it up, Exposition. -I'd say that about sums it up, Exposition. Not quite, actually. Vanessa, I have something for you. -Congratulations, Field Agent Kensington! Austin, I have something for you as well. -Here's the number of my dentist, he's first rate. Ring him up, he'll look after you. Thanks, Basil. Maybe the Nineties aren't so bad after all. -But, wait, I-- you got me again. Oh, and Austin-- Yes Basil? -Yes Basil? Be careful! -Hey Austin Powers, it's me, Mick Jagger. Hey, Mick! -Hey, Mick! Are you more satisfied now sexually, Austin? -Are you more satisfied now sexually, Austin? Well, you can't always get what you want. -Well, you can't always get what you want. """You can't always get what you want!"" That's a great title for a song! I'm gonna write that, and it'll be a big hit." -"""You can't always get what you want!"" That's a great title for a song! I'm gonna write that, and it'll be a big hit." Good on ya, man. -Good on ya, man. Groovy! -Good afternoon, Mr. Powers, I'm the Destructacon 5000. I'm programmed to prevent you from progressing beyond this point. You might as well surrender. Resistance is futile. Your odds of survival are 23,763,273 to... Well, Destructacon 5000, you have quite a head on your shoulders, I dare to coin. -Well, Destructacon 5000, you have quite a head on your shoulders, I dare to coin. Yes, I am programmed to answer any question. -Yes, I am programmed to answer any question. Really? Let me ask you this. What is love? -Really? Let me ask you this. What is love? That does not compute. -That does not compute. Why not? It's a question. -Why not? It's a question. Love is... love is... love is... -What's wrong with your hand? Don't try to suck up to me! It's a little late for that. I'm a freak! Look at it, it's been rendered useless. -I'm sorry, baby, I'm just not grocking your head space. Oh forget it. As a fellow player on the international stage, Mr. Powers, I'm sure you'll enjoy watching the curtain fall on the third and final act. -Dr. Evil, do you really expect them to pay? No, Mr. Powers, I expect them to die. Even after they pay me the money, I'm still going to melt all the cities of the world with hot magma. All right, guard, begin the unnecessarily Slow-Moving Dipping Mechanism. -I've got you, Dr. Evil! Well done, Mr. Powers. We're not so different, you and I. It's true, you're British, and I'm Belgian. You have a full head of hair, mine is slightly receding. You're thin, I'm about forty pounds overweight. OK, we are different, I'm not making a very good point. However, isn't it ironic, Mr. Powers, that the very things you stand for-- swinging, free love, parties, distrust of authority- are all now, in the Nineties, considered to be... evil? Maybe we have more in common than you care to admit. -Well done, Mr. Powers. We're not so different, you and I. It's true, you're British, and I'm Belgian. You have a full head of hair, mine is slightly receding. You're thin, I'm about forty pounds overweight. OK, we are different, I'm not making a very good point. However, isn't it ironic, Mr. Powers, that the very things you stand for-- swinging, free love, parties, distrust of authority- are all now, in the Nineties, considered to be... evil? Maybe we have more in common than you care to admit. No, man, what we swingers were rebelling against were uptight squares like you, whose bag was money and world domination. We were innocent, man. If we'd known the consequences of our sexual liberation, we would have done things differently, but the spirit would have remained the same. It's freedom, man. -No, man, what we swingers were rebelling against were uptight squares like you, whose bag was money and world domination. We were innocent, man. If we'd known the consequences of our sexual liberation, we would have done things differently, but the spirit would have remained the same. It's freedom, man. Your freedom has cause more pain and suffering in the world than any plan I ever dreamed of. Face it, freedom failed. -Your freedom has cause more pain and suffering in the world than any plan I ever dreamed of. Face it, freedom failed. That's why right now is a very groovy time, man. We still have freedom, but we also have responsibility. -That's why right now is a very groovy time, man. We still have freedom, but we also have responsibility. Really, there's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster. -It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil. Not really. Kill the little bastard. See what I care. -Not really. Kill the little bastard. See what I care. Man, you are one chilly square! -Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimate you to the Nineties. You know, a lot's changed since 1967. Well, as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection, while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound. -Well, as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection, while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound. My mother's told me all about you. -My mother's told me all about you. If it's a lie, goddamn her. It it's the truth, goddamn me. God, I hope that's witty. How's your mum? -If it's a lie, goddamn her. It it's the truth, goddamn me. God, I hope that's witty. How's your mum? My mother's doing quite well, thank you very much. -OK, OK, man, don't get heavy, I'll sign. Just to get things moving, baby. Listen, Mr. Powers, I look forward to working with you, but do me a favor and stop calling me baby. You can address me as Agent Kensington. We have to leave immediately. We've preserved your private jet just as you left it. It's waiting at Heathrow Airport. -Listen, Mr. Powers, I look forward to working with you, but do me a favor and stop calling me baby. You can address me as Agent Kensington. We have to leave immediately. We've preserved your private jet just as you left it. It's waiting at Heathrow Airport. My jumbo jet? Smashing baby. -Pretty groovy Jumbo Jet, eh? How does a hot chick like you end up working at the Ministry of Defense? I went to Oxford and excelled in several subjects, but I ended up specializing in foreign languages. I wanted to travel -- see the world. In my last year I was accepted into the M.O.D. in the Cultural Studies sector. I thought I was off on an exciting career, but my job was to read everything printed in every country. It's very boring. My whole day is spent reading wedding announcements in Farsi. If I do well with this case, I finally get promoted to field operative... -I went to Oxford and excelled in several subjects, but I ended up specializing in foreign languages. I wanted to travel -- see the world. In my last year I was accepted into the M.O.D. in the Cultural Studies sector. I thought I was off on an exciting career, but my job was to read everything printed in every country. It's very boring. My whole day is spent reading wedding announcements in Farsi. If I do well with this case, I finally get promoted to field operative... That's fascinating, Vanessa. Listen, why don't we go into the back and shag? -That's fascinating, Vanessa. Listen, why don't we go into the back and shag? I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? I've been frozen for thirty years, man, I want to see if my bits and pieces are still working. -I've been frozen for thirty years, man, I want to see if my bits and pieces are still working. Excuse me? -Excuse me? My wedding tackle. -My wedding tackle. I'm sorry? -I'm sorry? My meat and two veg. -My meat and two veg. Mr. Powers, please. I know that you must be a little confused, but we have a very serious situation at hand. I would appreciate it if you'd concentrate on our mission and give your libido a rest. -Mr. Powers, please. I know that you must be a little confused, but we have a very serious situation at hand. I would appreciate it if you'd concentrate on our mission and give your libido a rest. Have you ever made love to a Chigro? -Have you ever made love to a Chigro? A Chigro? -A Chigro? You know, a Chigro... part Chinese, part Negro... Chigro. -You know, a Chigro... part Chinese, part Negro... Chigro. We don't use the term 'Negro' anymore. It's considered offensive. -We don't use the term 'Negro' anymore. It's considered offensive. That's right. You're supposed to say 'colored' now, right? Here's the stewardesses! Bring on the sexy stews! -Brrrr! She must be frigid. There's two things I know about life: one, Americans will never take to soccer. Two, Swedish girls and stewardesses love to shag! They're shag-mad, man! Let me ask you a question, Vanessa, and be honest. Sure. -Sure. Do I make you horny? -Do I make you horny? What? -What? Do I make you horny? Randy, you know. To you, am I eros manifest? -Do I make you horny? Randy, you know. To you, am I eros manifest? I hope this is part of the unfreezing process. -I hope this is part of the unfreezing process. Listen, Vanessa, I'm a swinger... That's what I do, I swing. -Listen, Vanessa, I'm a swinger... That's what I do, I swing. I understand that, Mr. Powers, but let me be perfectly clear with you, perhaps to the point of being insulting. I will never have sex with you, ever. If you were the last man on Earth and I was the last woman on Earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you. -You've preserved my Jag! Smashing! Yes, we've had it retrofitted with a secure cellular phone, an on-board computer, and a Global Geosynchronous Positioning Device. Oh, and finally, this. -Let me guess. The floss is garotte wire, the toothpaste contains plastic explosives, and the toothbrush is the detonation device. No, actually. I don't know how to put this really. Well, there have been fabulous advances in the field of dentistry. -No, actually. I don't know how to put this really. Well, there have been fabulous advances in the field of dentistry. Why? What's wrong with my teeth? -Hey, who put this in here? Someone's playing a prank on me! Honestly, this isn't mine. I'm sure. -I'm sure. I think I'll give that stew a ding-a- ling. -I love Las Vegas, man. Oh, I forgot my x-ray glasses. Here, use mine. -Here, use mine. I'm going to use a cover name. It's important that it be a generic name so that we don't draw attention to ourselves. -I can't see a bloody thing. Oh, I forgot to tell you, they're prescription X-ray glasses. I have very bad astigmatism. -Why did you leave so soon? That cat Number Two has an X-ray eyepatch. I get bad vibes from him, man. Listen, we should go back to the room, but first I have to go to the naughty chair and see a man about a dog. -Good morning, luv, who are you on the phone with? Do you want to talk to him? -Good morning, Vanessa! I hope you have on clean underwear. Why? -Why? We've got a doctor's appointment-- an evil doctor's appointment. -A limousine has just pulled up. Let me see. -Hello, hello. That's Dr. Evil's cat. How do you know? -How do you know? I never forget a pussy... cat. -Let's go get him! He's too well-protected right now. -He's too well-protected right now. We can't just sit here, Austin. -We can't just sit here, Austin. Let me tell you a story. There's these two bulls on top of a hill checking out some foxy cows in the meadow below. The young bull says, 'hey, why don't we run down the hill and shag us a cow?', and the wise old bull replies, 'no, why don't we walk down the hill and shag all the cows?' -Let me tell you a story. There's these two bulls on top of a hill checking out some foxy cows in the meadow below. The young bull says, 'hey, why don't we run down the hill and shag us a cow?', and the wise old bull replies, 'no, why don't we walk down the hill and shag all the cows?' I don't get it. -I don't get it. Well, you know... cows, and shagging. -Well, you know... cows, and shagging. Unfortunately, while you told that stupid story, Dr. Evil has escaped. -Unfortunately, while you told that stupid story, Dr. Evil has escaped. No worries, luv. We'll just give Basil a tinkle on the telling bone... -I hate having my picture taken. You're crazy. The camera loves you, Vanessa. -Fancy a nibble? I couldn't have another bite. -Watch out, you're on my hair! Sorry. Move your hand to the left. There you go. Gorgeous. -Sorry. Move your hand to the left. There you go. Gorgeous. Go! Just go! -I haven't had fun like that since college. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Why? -Why? I'm sorry that bug up your ass had to die. -Always wanting to have fun, that's you in a nutshell. No, this is me in a nutshell. -You're smashed, Vanessa. I am not. -I am not. Oh, yes you are. -Oh, yes you are. I'm not. I'm the sensible one. I'm always the designated driver. -I can't. You're drunk. It's not that I'm drunk, I'm just beginning to see what my Mum was talking about. What was my mother like back in the Sixties? I'm dying to know. -It's not that I'm drunk, I'm just beginning to see what my Mum was talking about. What was my mother like back in the Sixties? I'm dying to know. She was very groovy. She was so in love with your Dad. If there was one other cat in this world that could have loved your Mum and treated her as well as you Dad did, it was me. But, unfortunately for yours truly, that train has sailed. -Really, Austin! Look at her hands, baby! Those are carpenter's hands. -Austin, may I have a word with you? Of course, luv. -Of course, luv. Listen, I know I'm just being neurotic, but I can't shake this suspicious feeling about that Italian secretary, Ms. Fagina. I mean, I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have some jealousy issues. You went to her penthouse. It makes me feel so small to give into these insecurities, but I can't help but feel this weird, irrational, unfocused... well, jealousy. I'm sorry. -Listen, I know I'm just being neurotic, but I can't shake this suspicious feeling about that Italian secretary, Ms. Fagina. I mean, I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have some jealousy issues. You went to her penthouse. It makes me feel so small to give into these insecurities, but I can't help but feel this weird, irrational, unfocused... well, jealousy. I'm sorry. Don't be sorry. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her. I shagged her rotten. -Don't be sorry. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her. I shagged her rotten. I can't believe you made love to her just like that. Did you use protection? -I can't believe you made love to her just like that. Did you use protection? Of course, I had my nine-millimeter automatic. -Of course, I had my nine-millimeter automatic. No, did you use a condom? -No, did you use a condom? Only sailors use condoms, man. -Only sailors use condoms, man. Not in the Nineties. -Not in the Nineties. Well they should, filthy beggars, they go from port to port. Alotta meant nothing to me. -Well they should, filthy beggars, they go from port to port. Alotta meant nothing to me. Well, it means something to me. If you want us to have a relationship, you've got to be a one-woman man. -Well, it means something to me. If you want us to have a relationship, you've got to be a one-woman man. It was just a shag, Vanessa. You're everything to me. -It was just a shag, Vanessa. You're everything to me. You just don't get it, do you, Austin? Good night. Welcome to the Nineties, you're going to be very lonely. -Hello, luv. Thirty years of political and social upheaval. The fall of the Berlin wall, a female Prime Minister of England, the abolishment of Apartheid, a fascinating tapestry of human strum und drang. -Thirty years of political and social upheaval. The fall of the Berlin wall, a female Prime Minister of England, the abolishment of Apartheid, a fascinating tapestry of human strum und drang. Yeah, I can't believe Liberace was gay. Women loved him, man. I didn't see that one coming. -Yeah, I can't believe Liberace was gay. Women loved him, man. I didn't see that one coming. Basil was very concerned to know where you were last night. -Basil was very concerned to know where you were last night. Out and about, doing odds and sods. -Out and about, doing odds and sods. I'll tell him. By the way, I've decided we should keep our relationship strictly professional. -Since I've been unfrozen, I've had a rancid taste in my mouth. Do you have a piece of gum? Do you think she's prettier than I? -Do you think she's prettier than I? Who? -Who? You know who. -You know who. No! Don't lay your hang-ups on me, Vanessa. You're being very trippy. -No! Don't lay your hang-ups on me, Vanessa. You're being very trippy. I'm looking at you, and the whole time I can't help thinking you had your willie inside her hootchie-kooch. -Austin, we don't look anything like our photo badges. Don't worry, baby. I picked up a mind control technique during my travels to India. I learned it from my guru, the late Guru Shastri, a chaste man who mysteriously died of a disease that had all the hallmarks of syphilis. Just watch me. Watch me, now. -Thank God, Austin, we made it. Yes, act naturally and we'll split this scene the way we came in, Vanessa. -Does that make you horny? Not now, Austin. -First, I plan to soil myself. Then, I plan to regroup and think about the next move. Any thoughts? Sadly, no. Hold on! I always keep this on me just in case. -All right, I get it. I have bad teeth. You have to understand, in Britain in the Sixties you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter. No, no, no. We'll use the floss to get to the ledge. -No, no, no. We'll use the floss to get to the ledge. Smashing idea! Give it to me. -Not a good time to lose one's head. Indeed. -Indeed. That's not the way to get ahead in life. -That's not the way to get ahead in life. Yes. -Yes. It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong. -It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong. Shut up. -Shut up. Fair enough. -What do we do now? We've got a freaked out square and world annihilation is his bag. You go get help. I'm gonna stay here and keep an eye on the bad Doctor. -We've got a freaked out square and world annihilation is his bag. You go get help. I'm gonna stay here and keep an eye on the bad Doctor. I'm not going anywhere. We're a team. -I'm not going anywhere. We're a team. Too right, youth. That's why I need you to lead the troops. -Too right, youth. That's why I need you to lead the troops. I'll hurry back. -I'll hurry back. Listen, Vanessa, whatever happens, I just want you to know that I feel bad about shagging that Italian girl. I had a sip of sake and all of the sudden, I don't know what happened. The whole time I was shagging her-- I mean really shagging her, I mean it was crazy, I was like a huge mechanical piston, in and out, IN and OUT!-- -Listen, Vanessa, whatever happens, I just want you to know that I feel bad about shagging that Italian girl. I had a sip of sake and all of the sudden, I don't know what happened. The whole time I was shagging her-- I mean really shagging her, I mean it was crazy, I was like a huge mechanical piston, in and out, IN and OUT!-- Austin, what's your point? -Austin, what's your point? Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that if you want me to be a one-woman man, well, that's just groovy, because... I love you. -Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that if you want me to be a one-woman man, well, that's just groovy, because... I love you. Oh, behave! -It's not what it looks like, Vanessa. At ease, boys. Likewise. -Likewise. I can explain. They attacked me. Gas came out of her...well, and then they... and I... -I can explain. They attacked me. Gas came out of her...well, and then they... and I... I believe you, Austin. Let's go. -I believe you, Austin. Let's go. Hold on a tick, let me put on my togs. -Follow me! We're going to have to jump over the rail! Are you crazy? -Are you crazy? Don't worry! -Austin, I'm coming with you. I'm going it alone this time, Vanessa. I have a follow-up visit with the Evil Doctor. -I'm going it alone this time, Vanessa. I have a follow-up visit with the Evil Doctor. I'll secure the perimeter. -I have something to tell you. Lay it on me. -Lay it on me. I love you, Austin. -I love you, Austin. That's fab, because I love you, too, Vanessa. -That's fab, because I love you, too, Vanessa. Kiss me. -Kiss me. Behave! -Danger Powers, personal effects. Actually, my name's Austin Powers. -Actually, my name's Austin Powers. It says here, name Danger Powers. -It says here, name Danger Powers. Danger's my middle name. -Danger's my middle name. OK, Austin Danger Powers: One blue crushed-velvet suit. One frilly lace cravat. One gold medallion with peace symbol. One pair of Italian shoes. One pair of tie-dyed socks, purple. One vinyl recording album: Tom Jones, Live at Las Vegas. One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump. -OK, Austin Danger Powers: One blue crushed-velvet suit. One frilly lace cravat. One gold medallion with peace symbol. One pair of Italian shoes. One pair of tie-dyed socks, purple. One vinyl recording album: Tom Jones, Live at Las Vegas. One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump. That's not mine. -That's not mine. One credit card receipt for Swedish- made penis enlarger pump, signed Austin Powers. -One credit card receipt for Swedish- made penis enlarger pump, signed Austin Powers. I'm telling you, baby, that's not mine. -I'm telling you, baby, that's not mine. One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers. -One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers. I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby. -I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby. One book: Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby, by Austin Powers. -Hi, folks. You're entering a restricted zone. Can I see your security badges? Sure. -Everything seems to be in order. Hey, wait a minute-- -Here, have a piece of gum. Here, have a piece of gum. -Don't mind if I do. Hey! Wait a minute, that's my last piece of gum. -No, no, I want you to have it, even if it's my last piece. No, no, I want you to have it, even if it's my last piece. -No, no, I want you to have it, even if it's my last piece. I'm going to go across the street and get you some sherbert. -Noooooooooooooo! Where did you learn to shoot? -Commander, this is Slater in SoWest Com Three. We have a potential bogey with erratic vectoring and an unorthodox entry angle. Is it one of ours? -Is it one of ours? No. Log Com Bird Twelve says its metalurg recon analysis is a standard alloy, not stealthy, not carbon- composite. It does have an odd shape, sir. -No. Log Com Bird Twelve says its metalurg recon analysis is a standard alloy, not stealthy, not carbon- composite. It does have an odd shape, sir. What are you saying, son? -What are you saying, son? It appears to be in the shape of Bob's Big Boy, sir. -Oh my God, he's back. In many ways, Bob's Big Boy never left, sir. He's always offered the same high quality meals at competitive prices. -In many ways, Bob's Big Boy never left, sir. He's always offered the same high quality meals at competitive prices. Shut up. -Shut up. Should we scramble TacHQ for an intercept? -Should we scramble TacHQ for an intercept? What's its current position? -Commander, I have to log it... That's a direct order. You didn't see a thing! -But my design was perfect! Your autonomic functions were shut down, and even though your arm wasn't frozen, the aging was retarded, therefore your right arm is only slightly older than the left. Can't you see I'm only half a man? Look at me, I'm a freak! -But Dr. Evil, all you need to do is-- --work with this tennis ball. Squeeze it for twenty minutes a day. A few months of that and it'll be just as strong as the other arm... And look what you've done to Mr. Bigglesworth! -We could not anticipate feline complications due to the reanimation process&emdash; Silence! -Ahhhhhhhhh! Let this be a reminder to you all that this organization will not tolerate failure. -We've got a lot of work to do. Someone help me! I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned. -Someone help me! I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned. Some of you I know, some of you I'm meeting for the first time. -Some of you I know, some of you I'm meeting for the first time. Hello up there! Anyone! Can someone call an ambulance? I'm in quite a lot of pain. -Hello up there! Anyone! Can someone call an ambulance? I'm in quite a lot of pain. You've all been gathered here to form my Evil Cabinet. Excuse me. -Ow! You shot me! Right. Okay. Moving on. -Right. Okay. Moving on. You shot me right in the arm! Why did-- -Remember when we froze your semen, you said that if it looked like you weren't coming back to try and make you a son so that a part of you would live forever? Yes. -Yes. Well, after a few years, we got sort of impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son. -Well, after a few years, we got sort of impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son. My son? -My son? Yes. Scott! -Austin Powers is getting too close. He must be neutralized. Any suggestions? Ya wohl-- I mean, yes wohl, Herr Doctor. I have created the ultimate weapon to defeat Austin Powers. Bring on the Fembots! -Breathtaking, Frau. These automated strumpets are the perfect bait for the degenerate Powers. These are the latest word in android replicant technology. Lethal, efficient, brutal. And no man can resist their charms. Send in the soldiers! -Quite impressive. Thank you, Herr Doctor. -Thank you, Herr Doctor. I like to see girls of that caliber. By caliber, I mean both the barrel size of their guns and the high quality of their character... Forget it. -Release the sharks! All the sharks have had laser beams attached to their heads. I figure every creature deserves a warm meal. Dr. Evil? -Dr. Evil? Yes, what is it? You're interrupting my moment of triumph. -Yes, what is it? You're interrupting my moment of triumph. It's about the sharks. Since you were frozen, they've been placed on the Endangered Species List. We tried to get some, but it will take months to clear up the red tape. -It's about the sharks. Since you were frozen, they've been placed on the Endangered Species List. We tried to get some, but it will take months to clear up the red tape. Right. Mr. Powers, we're going to lower you in a tank of piranhas with laser beams attached to their heads. -What is it now? Well, we experimented with lasers, but you would be surprised at how heavy they are. They actually outweighed the piranha themselves, and the fish, well, they sank to the bottom and died. -Well, we experimented with lasers, but you would be surprised at how heavy they are. They actually outweighed the piranha themselves, and the fish, well, they sank to the bottom and died. I have one simple request-- sharks with friggin' laser beams attached to their heads, and it can't be done? Remind me again why I pay you people? What do we have? -I have one simple request-- sharks with friggin' laser beams attached to their heads, and it can't be done? Remind me again why I pay you people? What do we have? Sea bass. -Sea bass. Right. -Right. They're mutated sea bass. -They're mutated sea bass. Really? Are they ill-tempered? -Really? Are they ill-tempered? Please allow me to demonstrate. -That was great, Mr. Keon, Dave. Thank you. OK, group, we have two new member. Say hello to Scott and his father, Mr.... Ehville? Evil, actually, Doctor Evil. -No, the boy's right. I really am evil. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're here, that's what's important. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. -Actually, the boy's quite astute. I am trying to kill him. My Evil Associates have cautioned against it, so here he is, unfortunately, alive. We've heard from Scott, now let's hear from you. -We've heard from Scott, now let's hear from you. The details of my life are quite inconsequential. -The details of my life are quite inconsequential. That's not true, Doctor. Please, tell us about your childhood. -Hi. Hello, Scott. I'm your father, Dr. Evil. I have a son! I have a son! Everyone, I have a son! Someday, Scott, this will all be yours. -Hello, Scott. I'm your father, Dr. Evil. I have a son! I have a son! Everyone, I have a son! Someday, Scott, this will all be yours. I haven't seen you my whole life and now you show up and want a relationship? I hate you! -But Scott, who's going to take over the world when I die? Not me. -An evil vet? No. Maybe, like, work in a petting zoo or something. -No. Maybe, like, work in a petting zoo or something. An evil petting zoo? -An evil petting zoo? You always do that! Anyways, this is really hard, because, you know, my Dad is really evil. -Scott my boy, come here. How was your day? Well, me and a buddy went to the video arcade in town and, like, they don't speak English right, and so my buddy gets into a fight, and he goes 'hey, quit hassling me cause I don't speak French or whatever', and the other guy goes something in Paris talk, and I go 'um, just back off' and he goes 'get out' and I go 'make me'. -Well, me and a buddy went to the video arcade in town and, like, they don't speak English right, and so my buddy gets into a fight, and he goes 'hey, quit hassling me cause I don't speak French or whatever', and the other guy goes something in Paris talk, and I go 'um, just back off' and he goes 'get out' and I go 'make me'. Fascinating. What are your plans for this evening? -Fascinating. What are your plans for this evening? Thought I'd stay in. There's a good tittie movie on Skinemax. -Thought I'd stay in. There's a good tittie movie on Skinemax. And that's how you want to live your life, is it? -And that's how you want to live your life, is it? Yeah. What? -Scott, I want you to meet Daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers. Why are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him? -Why are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him? In due time. -In due time. But what if he escapes? Why don't you just shoot him? What are you waiting for? -But what if he escapes? Why don't you just shoot him? What are you waiting for? I have a better idea. I'm going to put him in an easily-escapable situation involving an overly- elaborate and exotic death. -I have a better idea. I'm going to put him in an easily-escapable situation involving an overly- elaborate and exotic death. Why don't you just shoot him now? Here, I'll get a gun. We'll just shoot him. Bang! Dead. Done. -Why don't you just shoot him now? Here, I'll get a gun. We'll just shoot him. Bang! Dead. Done. One more peep out of you and you're grounded. Let's begin. -Fine. Whatever. Mutated, ill-tempered sea bass it is. Come, let's return to dinner. Close the tank. Aren't you going to watch them? They'll get away! -Aren't you going to watch them? They'll get away! No, we'll leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, and we'll just assume it all went to plan. -No, we'll leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, and we'll just assume it all went to plan. I have a gun in my room. Give me five seconds, I'll come back and blow their brains out. -I have a gun in my room. Give me five seconds, I'll come back and blow their brains out. No, Scott. You just don't get it, do you? -Come, everyone, let us repair to the main chamber. Project Vulcan is about to begin. Scott, are you coming? I don't want to. -I don't want to. Don't you want to see what Daddy does for a living? -Don't you want to see what Daddy does for a living? Blow me. -Blow me. What did you say? -What did you say? Show me. -Dad, we just made a breakthrough in group! I had the group liquidated, you little shit. They were insolent. -I had the group liquidated, you little shit. They were insolent. I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab. -I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab. Scott, don't say that... -We also own the Franklin mint, which makes decorative hand-painted theme plates for collectors. Some plates, like the Gone With The Wind series, have gone up in value as much as two-hundred and forty percent, but, as with any investment, there is some risk involved. Gentlemen, I have a plan. It's called blackmail. The Royal Family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either the Royal Family pays us an exorbitant amount of money, or we make it look like Prince Charles, the heir to the throne, has had an affair outside of marriage and, therefore, they would have to divorce. -Um, Dr. Evil, Prince Charles did have an affair. He admitted it, and they are now divorced, actually. "People have to tell me these things. I've been frozen for thirty years, throw me a bone here. OK, no problem. Here's my second plan. Back in the Sixties I had a weather changing machine that was in essence a sophisticated heat beam which we called a ""laser."" Using this laser, we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the ""Ozone Layer."" Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is, unless the world pays us a hefty ransom." -Umm, that also has already happened. Right. Oh, hell, let's just do what we always do. Let's hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Gentlemen, it's come to my attention that a breakaway Russian Republic called Kreplachistan will be transferring a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. Here's the plan. We get the warhead, and we hold the world ransom... ...FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS! -Don't you think we should ask for more than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't that much money these days. All right then... ...FIVE MILLION DOLLARS! -Virtucon alone makes over nine billion dollars a year. Oh, really? One-hundred billion dollars. OK, make it happen. Anything else? -Oh, hello Vanessa. How was the flight? Great. -Great. How's Austin? -How's Austin? He's asleep. -He's asleep. You didn't... -You didn't... Oh, God no, I made him sleep on the couch. -I'm proud of you. Why? -Why? Because you managed to resist Austin Power's charms. -Well, God knows he tried, but I've been rather firm with him, Mummy. You didn't tell me he was so obsessed with sex. It's bizarre. You can't judge him by modern standards. He's very much a product of his times. In my day he could have any woman he wanted. -You can't judge him by modern standards. He's very much a product of his times. In my day he could have any woman he wanted. What about his teeth? -What about his teeth? You have to understand, in Britain in the Sixties you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter. -You have to understand, in Britain in the Sixties you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter. I just don't see it. -I just don't see it. Just wait. Once Austin gets you in his charms, it's impossible to get out. -Just wait. Once Austin gets you in his charms, it's impossible to get out. Did you ever... -Did you ever... Of course not. I was married to your father. -Of course not. I was married to your father. Did you ever want to? -Did you ever want to? Austin is very charming, very debonair. He's handsome, witty, has a knowledge of fine wines, sophisticated, a world-renowned photographer. Women want him, men want to be him. He's a lover of love-- every bit an International Man of Mystery. -You didn't answer my question, Mum. I know. Let me just say this: Austin was the most loyal and caring friend I ever had. -No, it's been too long. Best to leave things alone. I'm on with a friend! Look, I'd better go. I love you. -I'm on with a friend! Look, I'd better go. I love you. I love you, Vanessa. -So, Scott, why don't we start with you. Why are you here? Well, it's kind of weird. -Well, it's kind of weird. We don't judge here. -We don't judge here. OK. Well, I just really met my Dad for the first time three days ago. He was partially frozen for thirty years. I never knew him growing up. He comes back and now he wants me to take over the family business. -OK. Well, I just really met my Dad for the first time three days ago. He was partially frozen for thirty years. I never knew him growing up. He comes back and now he wants me to take over the family business. And how do you feel about that? -And how do you feel about that? I don't wanna take over the family business. -What do you want to do, Scott? I don't know. I was thinking, maybe I'd be a vet or something, cause I like animals and stuff. -We don't label people here, Scott. No, he's really evil. -No, he's really evil. Scott. -I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me. "OK, Scott, no one really wants to ""kill"" anyone here. They say it, but they don't mean it." -We're not yet open for business, I'm afraid. Shame. I was recommended. By a friend. -Shame. I was recommended. By a friend. Really? -Really? Sir August Merryweather? I was looking for something relaxing. Say, a Tuscan hillside in June? -Sir August Merryweather? I was looking for something relaxing. Say, a Tuscan hillside in June? Normally, we'd be eager to oblige -- -Normally, we'd be eager to oblige -- Seriously? -Seriously? Of course. Natural weather delivered to your door on demand. Down your phoneline. For limited periods. -Of course. Natural weather delivered to your door on demand. Down your phoneline. For limited periods. You don't say. How real does it feel? -You don't say. How real does it feel? As real as you wish. Hot or cold. Humid or dry. Anything you like. Within reason. -As real as you wish. Hot or cold. Humid or dry. Anything you like. Within reason. There are limits? -There are limits? The technology is brand new. Soon it will be more powerful. We anticipate a huge demand. Leave us your number. We'll be in touch. -The technology is brand new. Soon it will be more powerful. We anticipate a huge demand. Leave us your number. We'll be in touch. No need. I'll call again. -I want you to say the first thing that comes into your head when I say these words. Do you understand ... ? Blue ... ... bottle ... -... bottle ... Red ... -Red ... ... head ... -Knight ... Black... -Black... ... death ... -... death ... Love... -Love... ... death ... -Flower ... ... power ... -Nature ... ... preserve... -... preserve... Secret ... -Secret ... ... love... -... love... Hope... -Hope... ... love ... -... love ... Fear ... -Fear ... ... love ... -... love ... Peter ... -How long have I been here? Three days. -He said if it vanished, he'd know it was ... you who betrayed him. He took a huge risk. The ultimate test. So I'm still ... -Would that I could say the Same. Ah, but you haven't see the real me. Watch closely ... -I've come to apply for membership in Brolly -- You don't get rain like you used to in England. A good shower that's the ticket. Stiffens resolve, puckers the spirit, quells the namby-pamby in a man. -I so agree. How did you acquire a taste for it? Out in India. So character-forming for the British. Not the heat. Good Lord, no. The rain, dash it. A good monsoon. Fifteen inches overnight. A whole week of lovely rain. I remember one summer in Jaipur ... -You Have we met? -Have we met? You mean you don't recall?? -Ah, beautiful. Just as he promised. Promised? Who promised? -Promised? Who promised? There, look! -Mrs. Peel ... Come quickly. Brolly's been betrayed! I'll tell you everything ... The weather's getting worse and worse ... they're after me ... coming for me ... come quickly! Sir August...? What now? -May I help you, madam ... Mr. John Steed, please. -Mr. John Steed, please. I'm afraid that's impossible. -I'm afraid that's impossible. Impossible? -You are female? As you see. -As you see. Then you can't come in. -Then you can't come in. I have an appointment. -I have an appointment. No women. Not in Boodles. Not since 1922. -No women. Not in Boodles. Not since 1922. Really -- what happened in 1922? -Sir August ... ? Sir August ... ? Eh? In here! -Quite a collection. If nature gives a man a collector's mind, it doesn't matter what he collects. Butterflies. Old China. Penny farthings. A true collector grows more obsessive as the years pass. -Your voice -- it's so familiar ... We have met ... -Congratulations, Mrs. Peel. You have been a worthy opponent. You have tracked us down. You are within an ace of winning. This isn't a game. -This isn't a game. Quite right, but we still make the rules. -Quite right, but we still make the rules. Rules are made to be broken. -Rules are made to be broken. People, too. -People, too. Then who wins? -Then who wins? You and I. Together. But first you must confront your greatest enemy. Who could that be, Mrs. Peel? The answer is obvious ... -Close. We're so hush-hush, even we know nothing about it. Now let's see, there's coconut cake, date and walnut; I recommend the rum baba ... Hmmm ... -Hmmm ... Looks like rain, Steed... -My number two. Special assignments. She's -- Let me guess -- 'Father'? -How curious ... Something strange is happening. And whoever knows about it doesn't want us to find out. -Father will be your controller. Steed here will show you the ropes. Ropes? -Welcome to mobile H.Q. Weather's turning quite nasty. Sir August was blown to smithereens. Along with half of Banffshire. The Ministry's worried. He tried to warn us ... -Would it be possible to use it for military purposes? Directed by laser. Bounced by satellite. Quite possible. -London. The World Council of Ministers meets soon on global defence. If you can control the weather, you control the world. After the cold war ... -I resign. You need treatment, Mrs. Peel. You can't resign. -You need treatment, Mrs. Peel. You can't resign. Watch me. -What are you trying to do to me? We want to help...! -We want to help...! I thought I was a widow. My husband ... the only man I ever loved ... is dead. For the rest of my life I have to live with that. -I thought I was a widow. My husband ... the only man I ever loved ... is dead. For the rest of my life I have to live with that. The death of Peter Peel was a great loss. To us all ... -The death of Peter Peel was a great loss. To us all ... To you ... ? -Peter Peel was a first class agent. A senior operative. 'X' department Special operations. He was engaged in top secret research. Top priority. Government approved. The Institute ... the funding ... -The Institute ... the funding ... A cover ... for us. I'm sorry... -Who? Quite frankly ... it could have been you. -This is an official matter, Mrs. Peel. No need to take it personally. Where are you going? To find out who killed my husband. -To find out who killed my husband. The doors and walls are monitored, Mrs. Peel. This is a very secure establishment. -The doors and walls are monitored, Mrs. Peel. This is a very secure establishment. So am I. -About your next assignment, Mrs. Peel ... Next assignment? -Ahem. As I was saying, perhaps another macaroon ... Thank you, Steed. -Good luck ... Peter ... Emma. Thanks, Valentine ... -You. Darling Emma -- yes, we: the true genius behind the Prospero Project ... -A slight miscalculation -- my face was burned beyond recognition. Fortunately my research into plastics came in handy ... Dr. Darling, Peter ... all you ... -Dr. Darling, Peter ... all you ... An unholy trinity ... -An unholy trinity ... You killed my husband. -You killed my husband. For starters. Of course I had to kill the Teddy Bears, as well ... -For starters. Of course I had to kill the Teddy Bears, as well ... Too many cooks -- -Too many cooks -- Spoil the majority shareholders. In Wonderland Weather. I planned everything, even the Ministry recruiting you ... -Spoil the majority shareholders. In Wonderland Weather. I planned everything, even the Ministry recruiting you ... But I found you. All the clues led me here ... -But I found you. All the clues led me here ... Of course. I planned that, too. -Of course. I planned that, too. But -- why? -But -- why? You disappoint me, Emma. Can't you guess? For you. It was all for you ... -You disappoint me, Emma. Can't you guess? For you. It was all for you ... 'Our revels now are ended.' -'Our revels now are ended.' Oh, no, Emma. They've only just begun ... -Think of this as your second wedding feast ... I'm already married ... -I'm already married ... Come, come, you're a widow -- a most attractive widow. Now I think of it, we'll need a bridesmaid. Here. -You know, I believe she's actually jealous. Valentine, listen to me ... -Valentine, listen to me ... Right, bridesmaid. Now what have I left out? Oh, yes, I know: the ring. -Right, bridesmaid. Now what have I left out? Oh, yes, I know: the ring. Ring? -That's better. I say, isn't this where you came in? It's impenetrable, by the way ... You're mad. -You're mad. Entirely. On the other hand Mad people get things done. Let me show you -- -Such as? Destruction of their local weather systems. I can zap a thousand Chernobyls into the air. -Destruction of their local weather systems. I can zap a thousand Chernobyls into the air. The result would be ... -The result would be ... Chaos. Transport paralysis. Crop failure. Economic disaster. Frostbite or sunburn ... on a massive scale. You've seen a few samples... -Chaos. Transport paralysis. Crop failure. Economic disaster. Frostbite or sunburn ... on a massive scale. You've seen a few samples... Then what's stopping you? -Then what's stopping you? One very small thing. A diamond 'cyclone' chip. A thousand times more information on a fraction of the size. If I possess that, my powers would be unlimited. My dear half-brother was developing it. But he suspected sabotage. He gave the chip to ... you, 'Mrs.' Peel. I want you. But also your ring. -The missing piece of the jigsaw. I tried to get you to give it to me as Peter; I tried to steal it from you as Dr. Darling. As myself I'll be a bit less subtle. With this ring my plan will be complete. How Wagnerian ... Do you mean to say you've waited all these years because you couldn't create a chip on your own? That would have amused Peter. -How Wagnerian ... Do you mean to say you've waited all these years because you couldn't create a chip on your own? That would have amused Peter. Speaking of Peter, there's more good news: You won't even have to change your last name. You'll always be Mrs. Peel. -Speaking of Peter, there's more good news: You won't even have to change your last name. You'll always be Mrs. Peel. What are my choices? -What are my choices? Choices? -Choices? I'll never marry you. -Doctor Peel, I presume? And you must be Steed. Please don't get up. -I was about to throw in the towel. I had a spot of bother at the door. -I had a spot of bother at the door. I shouldn't wonder. Not a woman inside Boodles since -- -I shouldn't wonder. Not a woman inside Boodles since -- 1922. Why the kippers? -1922. Why the kippers? Red herring would have been too obvious, don't you think? -Red herring would have been too obvious, don't you think? So what was all this -- some sort of test? -So what was all this -- some sort of test? Congratulations, you've penetrated a bastion of male privilege. I guessed you weren't a stickler for Tradition, doctor. -Congratulations, you've penetrated a bastion of male privilege. I guessed you weren't a stickler for Tradition, doctor. Whereas you are. -Whereas you are. Dyed in the wool. But I can admire someone who doesn't play by the rules. -Dyed in the wool. But I can admire someone who doesn't play by the rules. Rules are made to be broken. -Rules are made to be broken. Not by me. Play by the rules, Doctor, or the game is nothing. -Not by me. Play by the rules, Doctor, or the game is nothing. And just what is the game? -And just what is the game? I say, this is all terribly formal. Must I go an calling you Dr. Peel? -I say, this is all terribly formal. Must I go an calling you Dr. Peel? Under the circumstances, you may call me Mrs. Peel. -Under the circumstances, you may call me Mrs. Peel. Much better. -Much better. And now that we've settled the matter of honorifics, will you kindly explain why you wished me to meet you? -And now that we've settled the matter of honorifics, will you kindly explain why you wished me to meet you? I didn't. Mother did. -I didn't. Mother did. Mother? -... Showers followed by sunny periods. We're not here to talk about the weather, surely. -Ah ... From Trubshaw's. My shoemaker. A kipper. Or a red herring? What were they investigating? -My father always wanted a boy. Really? I fail to see the connection. -Really? I fail to see the connection. I had a feeling you would. Touche! -Do you? Yes indeed. I need protection. -I thought we were on our way. Oh, absolutely, but Trubshaw's a man worth meeting. No point setting out half shod. -Oh, absolutely, but Trubshaw's a man worth meeting. No point setting out half shod. Or half cocked. -Steed, we really must be -- Ahh. Perfect fit. The luxury of a hand-made shoe. As unique as a face or a fingerprint. Or should I say DNA? -You can but I wish you wouldn't ... Thank you, Trubshaw ... -That place is so absurd, so out of date ... Do you really think so? -You know what I mean. This car -- and you. Nobody walks around like that. Milk? Not all Tradition is bad, Mrs. Peel. No thank you. -But why? What's the point? A Gentleman has to have a code. This is part of mine. A uniform. Think of it as my suit of shining armor. -A Gentleman has to have a code. This is part of mine. A uniform. Think of it as my suit of shining armor. And I suppose you're the knight. -And I suppose you're the knight. The most unpredictable piece on the board. And always ready to protect his queen. -The most unpredictable piece on the board. And always ready to protect his queen. That's predictable. When I find a queen in need of protection I'll let you know. -Sir August Merryweather ... why are we seeing him first? As per mother's instructions. -As per mother's instructions. Do we always follow Mother's instructions? -Do we always follow Mother's instructions? For a man in my position -- -For a man in my position -- Just what is your position, if you don't mind my asking. How did a stuffed shirt like you get into this line of work? -Just what is your position, if you don't mind my asking. How did a stuffed shirt like you get into this line of work? They call me in when they've reached a dead end. Freelance. Like yourself. -They call me in when they've reached a dead end. Freelance. Like yourself. I have no choice. Why should you risk your life? -I have no choice. Why should you risk your life? After our fencing match, I was rather hoping you would do the risking. More tea? -After our fencing match, I was rather hoping you would do the risking. More tea? No thanks. -No thanks. I meant me. -According to Mother, Sir August owns half of the Highlands. A millionaire. Former head of Special Projects at the Ministry. Now ... An eccentric recluse? -Not so much eccentric. More barking mad. He has a wife called June. And a daughter somewhere -- Julie. June, July ... August? -June, July ... August? The family does seem to be somewhat meteorologically inclined. -The family does seem to be somewhat meteorologically inclined. Any other vices? -Any other vices? All of a piece, really. A fanatical weatherman. Chairman of BROLLY. British Royal Organisation For Lasting Liquid Years. Thinks British weather has been tampered with by ... aliens. -So ... I distract him while you snoop around? How? Small talk. Try the weather. -Ah, Brenda ... Mrs. Peel? You should be dead. How do you feel? -You should be dead. How do you feel? Strange. -Strange. You were very lucky. Four shots to the heart. I found you after I slipped away from Sir August. Mother brought you here. Not me you should thank. -You were very lucky. Four shots to the heart. I found you after I slipped away from Sir August. Mother brought you here. Not me you should thank. I wasn't about to. -I wasn't about to. I mean your man Trubshaw. Your bullet-proof waistcoat. I thought you were just overdressed. -I mean your man Trubshaw. Your bullet-proof waistcoat. I thought you were just overdressed. I might say the same. -Mother and Dr. Darling have me under observation. They think I tried to kill you. Why should they think that? -Why should they think that? You told them. You said I arrived on a camel, shot you four times. Left you for dead. -You told them. You said I arrived on a camel, shot you four times. Left you for dead. Frankly that's how I remember it. -Frankly that's how I remember it. But that's absurd. I may not be over-fond of you, Steed, but it's not my style. -But that's absurd. I may not be over-fond of you, Steed, but it's not my style. Perhaps your memory plays tricks, Mrs. Peel. -Perhaps your memory plays tricks, Mrs. Peel. That's possible. Sir August was convinced he'd met me before. But I'd never met him. Another odd thing. When it rained, he said it was just as someone had promised. -That's possible. Sir August was convinced he'd met me before. But I'd never met him. Another odd thing. When it rained, he said it was just as someone had promised. Did he say who? -Did he say who? No. But he must know. Incidentally, my double left you with this. -An invitation. To a 'formal picnic'...? Did you say formal? I must dress. -I must say, you look more your old self -- You mean my other self ... -You mean my other self ... Either way ... may I ask: why you dress in that fashion? -Either way ... may I ask: why you dress in that fashion? I should have thought that was obvious ... I'm in mourning. -Colonel Crabtree. International Satellite Systems. Formerly of the Ministry. How on earth can you tell? -Elementary, Mrs. Peel. Trubshaw isn't the only shoemaker still practicing his trade ... Very good, Steed ... -What on earth? Any ideas? -Any ideas? Well, he was a fellow of the Royal Zoological Society ... -Well, he was a fellow of the Royal Zoological Society ... Is that written in his shoe? -Is that written in his shoe? Common knowledge, Mrs. Peel ... -Common knowledge, Mrs. Peel ... She had this in her mouth. There, there... -For you, Mrs. Peel. Thanks ... I see what you mean about letting me do the risking ... Hello? -But Don't bother. Here's a bus ... -Not quite. This is my field. Is there anything that isn't? -Is there anything that isn't? The Prospero Project was started by my husband. It was an early attempt to solve the problems of global warming. In theory, climate engineering is entirely feasible. We thought of injecting a chemical cocktail into the atmosphere by laser and satellite. A 'quick fix'... -The Prospero Project was started by my husband. It was an early attempt to solve the problems of global warming. In theory, climate engineering is entirely feasible. We thought of injecting a chemical cocktail into the atmosphere by laser and satellite. A 'quick fix'... Filling in mother nature's blind spots ... ? -Filling in mother nature's blind spots ... ? Exactly. There'd been earlier attempts to pump carbon dioxide into deep sea. Propane gas mostly. In small quantities it captures chlorine. Protects the ozone layer. But it proved impractical. Too bulky ... -Exactly. There'd been earlier attempts to pump carbon dioxide into deep sea. Propane gas mostly. In small quantities it captures chlorine. Protects the ozone layer. But it proved impractical. Too bulky ... But if someone miniaturized the process... -But if someone miniaturized the process... That's what we were working on. -That's what we were working on. Sounds as if someone's hijacked your research. -Three agents killed by bad weather... ... And by you, Mrs. Peel ... -... And by you, Mrs. Peel ... Then a mad millionaire. Head of a secret defense establishment. A group of eccentrics obsessed by weather ... -Then a mad millionaire. Head of a secret defense establishment. A group of eccentrics obsessed by weather ... ... And by you, Mrs. Peel. Everything points to you. No sisters? No undiscovered twin? -... And by you, Mrs. Peel. Everything points to you. No sisters? No undiscovered twin? Not that I know of. Explanation? -Not that I know of. Explanation? According to Dr. Darling, you're a psychopathic personality with schizophrenic delusions, suffering from recurring amnesia based on traumatic repression, leading to outbursts of anti-social and violent behavior. Q.E.D. -Is that what you think? Oh, well ... Just my type, Mrs. Peel. -Do you always drive this fast? Have I trespassed on a male prerogative? We're being followed. I saw him at Trubshaw's ... -What, Lady Disdain? Are you yet breathing? Barely. -Barely. You will let me know if you find that queen who's in need of protection, won't you? -This must be the last straw. Here's the one that broke the camel's back. -Here's the one that broke the camel's back. Someone didn't want us to get to the party. -Someone didn't want us to get to the party. I expect we'll have to gatecrash. -Steed ... ! Mrs. Peel ... ? -Where am I? The Winslow Home for Retired Lepidoptorists. I'm so sorry I struck you, Mrs. Peel. Please forgive me. I thought you were someone else ... -The Winslow Home for Retired Lepidoptorists. I'm so sorry I struck you, Mrs. Peel. Please forgive me. I thought you were someone else ... Was I? -Was I? I expect that's for you to know and me to find out ... -I expect that's for you to know and me to find out ... It was Peter -- I saw him ... -You followed me. Orders. -Orders. To kill me? -To kill me? Nothing personal. -I could save you the trouble. No trouble. -No trouble. Because you always obey orders ... -Because you always obey orders ... Always. Except ... -Yes ... ? ... when I don't. It comes down to one thing, Mrs. Peel. Trust. -And do you trust me? I could be convinced, if ... I knew who poisoned me in the maze. That kiss ... -I could be convinced, if ... I knew who poisoned me in the maze. That kiss ... It wasn't me; you have my word. -Mmm ... what are you doing? Keeping a stiff upper lip? -Keeping a stiff upper lip? Is that all? -But you did suspect me. Not for a moment. -Not for a moment. You're playing games. -You're playing games. Aren't we all, Mrs. Peel? -Aren't we all, Mrs. Peel? I thought you played by the rules. -I thought you played by the rules. I thought you didn't. -I thought you didn't. I'm playing to win. -I'm playing to win. Winning isn't everything. -Winning isn't everything. Please don't tell me it's how you play the game. -Please don't tell me it's how you play the game. After you -- Mrs. Peel ... -No, after you. You don't trust me? -You don't trust me? As far as you trust me. -I told Mother I took care of you. You lied. -You lied. I equivocated. But you're not their big worry at present. It's Dr. Darling: he's disappeared ... -Drat. Someone wants to implicate you in this affair, Mrs. Peel. Any idea who? No idea who. No idea why ... -No idea who. No idea why ... Teddy bears, cuckoo clocks, toys All children's things ... -Teddy bears, cuckoo clocks, toys All children's things ... ... Or grown-ups, who still like to be children. -... Or grown-ups, who still like to be children. Quite. Any childhood friends? Enemies? -Quite. Any childhood friends? Enemies? Not to speak of. Peter and I were both loners. There was nobody. -Very well. I have a friend who might be of assistance. He's at the Ministry. We'd better be careful. I'm a wanted woman, I know ... -His name's Jones. 'Invisible' Jones. Why's he called 'Invisible'? -Why's he called 'Invisible'? You'll find out. -Aren't you coming? I'll catch you up. Don't worry; he's expecting you. -We must hurry, Mrs. Peel ... Hurry? What for? I'm just now -- -Hurry? What for? I'm just now -- You didn't tell her? -There's a reception this evening. Colonel Jones thinks it advisable we attend. Have we been invited? -What's that you're wearing? It's called Black Leather. -It's called Black Leather. Intoxicating. Here, have one of these. -What is it? Limpet bomb. Small, very compact. From Trubshaw's. -Limpet bomb. Small, very compact. From Trubshaw's. When all this is over, we simply must get you out of that suit. -When all this is over, we simply must get you out of that suit. You first. -You first. Shall we? -Trubshaw again? What now? Snuff. I must insist you try some. -They're playing your song, Mrs. Peel. 'The Merry Widow?' I might have known. Where's the reception? -Bad news. Father's looking for you. Where are those bloody ministers? Have a look at this. -I'll be back ... Where are you going? -Where are you going? Laying in supplies, Mrs. Peel weather may get very nasty and I've no umbrella ... -Laying in supplies, Mrs. Peel weather may get very nasty and I've no umbrella ... You needn't bother. I can't drag you further into this. After all, I am still the chief suspect. -You needn't bother. I can't drag you further into this. After all, I am still the chief suspect. No bother. Mother and Father think I've joined you. I might as well. -No bother. Mother and Father think I've joined you. I might as well. But -- -But -- Oh, and by the way, I think it's about time you got rid of that chip on your shoulder. -Oh, and by the way, I think it's about time you got rid of that chip on your shoulder. If you'd been through what I have, you wouldn't -- -Mrs. Peel? What kept you? -What kept you? The plot. Hello, we must be going ... -'The owl and the pussycat went to sea -' '... in a beautiful pea green boat...' -'... in a beautiful pea green boat...' A fine night, Mrs. Peel ... -A fine night, Mrs. Peel ... Still a bit chilly ... -Still a bit chilly ... English weather. You know, after all we've been through, I should say we deserve a long holiday ... -English weather. You know, after all we've been through, I should say we deserve a long holiday ... Have you any place in mind? -Have you any place in mind? As a matter of fact I have ... -I don't recall Siberia being this warm, Steed. It's the latest thing, Mrs. Peel. -It's the latest thing, Mrs. Peel. Our little paradise -- just made for two? -Our little paradise -- just made for two? Not quite. -Our chaperon. Pity your mother came, too ... -Ah ... sun tan lotion. Any shops nearby? Must be. Trubshaw's busy. I'll send Mother ... -Your mission is simple. Find out how and why these agents died. I'm no spy -- where do I fit in? -Think of it as special assignment, Mrs. Peel. With a twist. You're our chief suspect. You're saying I have no choice. -Where's Mother? Mobile HQ. In a blue funk. Can't take chances. I'm looking after things while he's hiding out ... -You don't believe him? It's Mother you have to convince. He's very agitated. Wait here. -Emma in Wonderland. Welcome, Mrs. Peel. We've been expecting you. We hope you'll enjoy your stay with us. Decontamination is almost complete. Decontamination -- ? -Decontamination -- ? And you've a new wardrobe. He does want you to look attractive. He tells me you're very beautiful. -Talk to the pipe, Mrs. Peel. That usually helps. Don't worry about me being invisible. Other than that I'm perfectly normal. I see. -I see. Or rather, you don't. Learnt the tricks in camouflage. Till this accident made a prang of things. How can I help you, Mrs. Peel? -Ah, here we are. Steed asked me to play a hunch: Valentine Peel. Peter's brother? But -- -Peter's brother? But -- Half-brother to be precise. -Now let's see ... Eton, Cambridge ... research into robotics and plastics. Overtaken by Peter's work on the physics of climate change ... I know all this. -I know all this. Do you also know that during your final experiment, your halfbrother- in-law was under surveillance? -Do you also know that during your final experiment, your halfbrother- in-law was under surveillance? Surveillance? By whom? -Surveillance? By whom? Father. She gave him an 'all clear' after a security test by Dr. Darling. -Father. She gave him an 'all clear' after a security test by Dr. Darling. Who's now vanished. -Who's now vanished. Makes two of us. -Makes two of us. Are you suggesting that Dr. Darling and Valentine were somehow in this together? But that's absurd. -I was getting to it. Getting to what? -Getting to what? The World Council of Ministers meets tomorrow to convene the new global defense initiative -- -The World Council of Ministers meets tomorrow to convene the new global defense initiative -- I fail to see -- -Under the circumstances Mother didn't see fit, but I think I can get you in ... Well, I can't possibly go like this. -'X' marks the spot. The shoes were delivered to ... an island in Hyde Park. Surrounded by the Serpentine. On the site of a former Ministry installation... ... and now? -Privately owned by ... Let me guess: Wonderland Weather. -Let me guess: Wonderland Weather. Very good, Mrs. Peel ... -Very good, Mrs. Peel ... I shall need a small plane. -I shall need a small plane. You're not venturing alone, surely. -You're not venturing alone, surely. I'm going to find out who killed my husband. Will you take these documents to Steed? -A series of bizarre shifts in local weather patterns ... Global warming? -Global warming? Jungle plants in the Arctic? A lush English village transformed overnight into African scrubland? Blizzards in summer? -We know one thing. That suspect was not Mrs. Peel. So you say ... -Oh, hello ... We want Mrs. Peel. -We want Mrs. Peel. Dead, I'm afraid. -Steed How did you guess? -How did you guess? You reek of Mrs. Peel's Black Leather ... -You reek of Mrs. Peel's Black Leather ... It was you who gave Valentine Peel his security clearance ... you're the mole who betrayed the Ministry. -Mother betrayed me. She was going to replace me with a younger Father. Errand boy that's all I was. 'Find Steed...' Well, you found me. Have a sniff of this, why don't you? Careful, the scent can be overpowering ... -Mother. I thought you were burglars. Brenda and I thought we'd drop in. -Weather's turning nasty. You didn't come to talk about the weather, surely. -You didn't come to talk about the weather, surely. Oh yes I did. I want you to meet somebody. I expect you'll like her. -Your research into climate engineering was state-of-the-art. Your experiments could have revolutionized our knowledge of global warming -- had they succeeded. We need your expertise. Perhaps I'd better start calling you doctor again, Mrs. Peel -- -Think she really killed those agents? She may not know. Theory goes she may be very ill. -She may not know. Theory goes she may be very ill. Amnesia? -Amnesia? Possibly. Split personality ... -Possibly. Split personality ... Insane ... ? -Insane ... ? Who knows? If Dr. Darling is right, you should watch out. -Who knows? If Dr. Darling is right, you should watch out. Why? -Why? She may try to kill you. -Something went wrong. System malfunction. Explosion. Mrs. Peel had a narrow escape. Suspected sabotage. Nothing proven. File still open. How come you took so much interest in her, Dr. Darling? -Still doesn't. Better safe than sorry. She was in a dangerous game, Steed. High stakes. She may prove to be a risk. If she is, there's only one solution. Termination. Anyone particular in mind? -Anyone particular in mind? You. -We had a lead to Wonderland Weather but we got there too late. Someone tipped them off ... Too late anyway. Today's escapade was only for starters. This is no ordinary weather. It's manmade. A kind of weather bomb. -Too late anyway. Today's escapade was only for starters. This is no ordinary weather. It's manmade. A kind of weather bomb. Impossible. -This man -- did you see him? No. Her husband, she says. Alice tried to warn us. A trap. Tell Mother beware. Tell Father That's all. -You're accusing Mrs. Peel of killing her own husband? Her husband suspected someone very close to the operation. On the day he died, he was setting a test. To prove to himself -- to us that his wife was beyond suspicion. He had to be certain. He said he was going to give Mrs. Peel something ... -Pity. I was growing fond of Mrs. Peel. Unfortunately -- Guilty until proven innocent? -Guilty until proven innocent? Mother and Father know best. -I was hoping you could tell me. You're getting yourself into terrible trouble, my son. Weather's turning very nasty -- and so am I. -You're getting yourself into terrible trouble, my son. Weather's turning very nasty -- and so am I. I'm going to follow up on a hunch of my own. If I'm right, Mrs. Peel is innocent and you have a mole. -I'm going to follow up on a hunch of my own. If I'm right, Mrs. Peel is innocent and you have a mole. Where? -Where? In your operation. -In your operation. I'm warning you for the last time, Steed: whoever's behind all this, looks like Mrs. Peel, walks like Mrs. Peel and kills like Mrs. Peel. -Are you alright, young man? I think so, thank you so much ... -Cocky little bastard. I hope he was a baddy. I feel sure of it. -I feel sure of it. I'm Alice. Mother said you'd be on your way. Mrs. Peel with you? -I'm Alice. Mother said you'd be on your way. Mrs. Peel with you? She was ... -You with Mother or Father? Both, actually. -Both, actually. Good. Glad to see they're together at last. They don't get along. Promotion. Top job. Most unfair. Quite a fuss at the Ministry. -Good. Glad to see they're together at last. They don't get along. Promotion. Top job. Most unfair. Quite a fuss at the Ministry. You don't say. Like looking for a needle in a ... -Wonderland Weather Ltd. This way ... -Mrs. Peel -- ? Ask not for whom the telephone rings ... -Ask not for whom the telephone rings ... No, please! I beg you ... -No, please! I beg you ... Walk over to the window ... -Walk over to the window ... Let it be rain, please let it be -- -Let it be rain, please let it be -- Stay by the window. By the window. -John Steed. Valentine Peel. I see you've gone back to using your original face. -Valentine Peel. I see you've gone back to using your original face. The last one you'll ever see. -The last one you'll ever see. Perish the thought. -You're better than I expected. I was at Harrow ... -I was at Harrow ... But did they teach you this? -Bang-bang ... you're dead. You wish. -One shot -- for emergencies. That's not playing by the rules. -That's not playing by the rules. Rules are made to be broken. -Rules are made to be broken. If you say so. -If you say so. I do. -You said ... one shot. Did I? My mistake. -Aren't you forgetting about something? You are, and it's behind you. -You are, and it's behind you. Come, come. You don't really expect me to fall for -- -I think she really likes you ... Where's Mrs. Peel? Ugh ... -What's happening? Debbie's marrying Rick. -Debbie's marrying Rick. ...Really? -Does Cole know about this? Really -- you went with him for two years. -I'm totally blown away. You're getting married. It seems like only yesterday I showed you how to have oral sex. Deb, I want to throw you a shower. -Look at that guy. What a hunk. Check out the other guy's buns. -Debbie... I don't believe it. I'm so excited. Bobbie, what are you talking about? -Bobbie, what are you talking about? O'Neill just tole me. It's sooo great... I don't believe it. -He still thinks I'm going with him. I'm going to break the news to him tomorrow. He's not gonna be happy. And your parents can't be too thrilled either. -He's not gonna be happy. And your parents can't be too thrilled either. No. As far as they're concerned the only good Rick is a dead Rick. But I don't care... it's my decision. -What do you think's gonna go on at the guys' party? They'll probably get drunk, and watch dirty movies. But don't worry about the dirty movies. -They'll probably get drunk, and watch dirty movies. But don't worry about the dirty movies. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I forgot to tell you. Yesterday I found a bunch of pornos in the back seat of O'Neill's car. -I forgot to tell you. Yesterday I found a bunch of pornos in the back seat of O'Neill's car. You're kidding. -You're kidding. Nah. Everything's cool... I took care of 'em. -That's what we're going to find out... I feel like I'm spying on Rick. -Deb, we're pretending to be hookers. Right in here. The big show starts in one minute. -I'm glad you guys came by... What's the occasion? Rick's got an important announcement to make. -Rick's got an important announcement to make. Yeah. What is it? -What? You're kidding. -Yeah, man. Let's throw a bachelor party with drugs, booze and broads. Yeah. Right. All the things that make life worth living. -Where's the women, man? We gotta have women. Chulo, one thing at a time. -Chulo, one thing at a time. Sex is my one thing. I'm good at it. -I don't get it, but at least Gary's got the real stuff coming up here in a few minutes. Women! -Hey, you guys, what's going on? We're going for a little liquid refreshment. -We're going for a little liquid refreshment. Great. I'll go with you. Wait a second. Hey, Raul! Move that car, will you? -I've decided not to run for President. Too bad, man, that blows my chance to be Ambassador to France. -Man, you're losing your audience. Okay... This is it... I'm getting married. -Yes, gentlemen. Saturday after next, I lose my amateur standing and turn pro. Hey, man, congratulations! -You sure Gary's got this whole party deal together? Yeah, man, he's got us a great room at the hotel and lots of chicks. -Yeah, man, he's got us a great room at the hotel and lots of chicks. I hope so. Hundred bucks apiece is a lot of dinero. -I hope so. Hundred bucks apiece is a lot of dinero. What time are we supposed to get to the hotel? -All right! When do the girls get to the party? -Denmark makes great Nautilus equipment. I'd like to jerk and press those babies. -And... Bond... James Bond. -Cole. Don't you know it's bad luck to see the groom before the wedding? I want Debbie. -I want Debbie. Cole... -Cole... You dump her and I'll give you cash. -You dump her and I'll give you cash. What's Debbie's blue book value right now? -What's Debbie's blue book value right now? Five thousand dollars. -Five thousand dollars. No. -Seventy-five hundred. Not interested. -Not interested. Okay, ten thousand plus a G.E. toaster oven, a Litton microwave, a Cuisinart... -Okay, ten thousand plus a G.E. toaster oven, a Litton microwave, a Cuisinart... I'm marrying Debbie. -I'm marrying Debbie. Michelin tires... brand new. A set of Sears Best metric tools... -Michelin tires... brand new. A set of Sears Best metric tools... What is this person's story here? -Thanks, Dad. Cole, go away. He's gonna hurt you, Debbie. He'll never be true to you the way I would. -He's gonna hurt you, Debbie. He'll never be true to you the way I would. Thank you. We'll all keep that in mind. 'Bye now. -Rick, I want to talk to you. Ah, Cole. I don't remember ordering an asshole from room service. -I don't want any trouble. Oh, come on, just a little. -Oh, come on, just a little. I'm ready to make you another deal. -I'm ready to make you another deal. Ooh, be still, my heart. -Ooh, be still, my heart. See that down there? That's my most prized possession. My new Porsche. -Great car. The best. -The best. I love that car. -I love that car. I'm very happy for you two. -I'll trade you my Porsche for Debbie. An even swap. The car for Debbie? -The car for Debbie? I mean it. The car is yours. Dump Debbie. -I mean it. The car is yours. Dump Debbie. Gee, guys, what should I do? The car or Debbie? -Low mileage... Handles like a dream. So does Debbie. -Shit, shit, shit, shit. My car's gone! Maybe it had something to do. -Maybe it had something to do. Shit! -Rick... Debbie is mine. She'll always be. Cole, when was the last time you had a lobotomy? -Cole, when was the last time you had a lobotomy? You've had it. I'm gonna get you. -Cole, what the hell are you doing? She's mine! -"He and Debbie stand outside the theater, which is a multi-plex cinema. Fourteen movie theaters under one roof. Prominent is a sign which reads: ""24 HOUR 3D FESTIVAL!"" Cole drags Debbie into one of the theaters. The gang runs up to the theaters." Fan out and look for them. -Hello? Mr. Thomerson. -Mr. Thomerson. Yes, son, did you find out where the bachelor party is? -Yes, son, did you find out where the bachelor party is? Yes I did. -Yes I did. Fine. How's everything going? -Fine. How's everything going? Not so good. He wouldn't listen to reason. He stole my car... my Porsche... I can't find it anywhere... -Hi, everybody. Am I late? Not at all. We're just finishing lunch. -So, Cole, you been practicing your game? Sure have... -Nice shot. Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir. I know you're as unhappy as I am about Debbie's marriage to Rick. -I know you're as unhappy as I am about Debbie's marriage to Rick. Yes, sir, I am. -Yes, sir, I am. Cole, I don't want you to give up on her. -Cole, I don't want you to give up on her. I've tried to change her mind. -I've tried to change her mind. It's not her mind you need to change. It's Disneyland head in there. -It's not her mind you need to change. It's Disneyland head in there. But how can I do that? -But how can I do that? If it were me, I'd reason with him first. Then, if that failed... ...I'd take more persuasive action. -Thanks for the advise, sir. Keep me informed. -So, he's playing hard ball. Well, two can play that game. Go after him. Stop at nothing. You hear me? What? I'm sorry, sir, I can't hear you. -Some fat slob in the next booth is making a lot of noise. Well, tell the asshole to shut up. -Well, tell the asshole to shut up. Right. Hey, shut up. Okay, sir. -Right. Hey, shut up. Okay, sir. Sorry, I can't hear you. Some pin head's yelling... Shut up, I'm talking here. Now look, I want you to go back and I don't care what you do. Stop that marriage. -Cole, my God, boy, what are you doing here? What happened? The bachelor party's upstairs. They made me get naked. They hung me from the window so high up it was so scary I fell down... -The bachelor party's upstairs. They made me get naked. They hung me from the window so high up it was so scary I fell down... Take hold of yourself. What room are they in? -Take hold of yourself. What room are they in? 1002. -1002. All right, I'll go up there and take care of this myself. You look awful, son. Go find yourself some clothes. -All right, I'll go up there and take care of this myself. You look awful, son. Go find yourself some clothes. Yes, sir. -Cole? Over here, Deb... in the Smokehouse. -Cole, we've got to talk. Finally realized Rick's a jerk, huh? -Finally realized Rick's a jerk, huh? No, Cole, I... -No, Cole, I... It's all right, I forgive you. I'm not the vengeful type. We'll forget what happened. Why don't we take a trip together? Maybe kill a few lions in Kenya over Christmas. -It's all right, I forgive you. I'm not the vengeful type. We'll forget what happened. Why don't we take a trip together? Maybe kill a few lions in Kenya over Christmas. Cole, listen to me... I've got to tell you... -Cole, listen to me... I've got to tell you... You know, when you dumped me for that wimp, I thought, Cole, she'll be back. God wants the two of you to be together, and sure enough... -You know, when you dumped me for that wimp, I thought, Cole, she'll be back. God wants the two of you to be together, and sure enough... Cole, I'm marrying Rick. -Cole, I'm marrying Rick. You're marrying him? Then why are you coming back to me? -You're marrying him? Then why are you coming back to me? I'm not. I just thought I should tell you myself before you heard it somewhere else. -You know how that makes me feel, Deb? Wanta know how that makes me feel? Angry, Deb. Yesss, that's the word, angry. But if he makes you happy, you go right ahead. I want you to be happy, Deb. No matter what, no matter how angry it makes me, no matter how much it hurts. Be happy, Deb. Be oh, so very, very happy. Cole, I'm sorry, I... -Cole, I'm sorry, I... That's all right, Deb. Go be happy and smile a lot, Deb. Do it for me. -That's all right, Deb. Go be happy and smile a lot, Deb. Do it for me. I'm going now, Cole. -I'm going now, Cole. I understand, Deb. 'Bye... be happy. -God, you're a slob. But a fabulous cook. -But a fabulous cook. What are we having? -What are we having? It's either meatloaf, Swiss steak or charred flesh. I won't know till it's finished. -It's either meatloaf, Swiss steak or charred flesh. I won't know till it's finished. I think your dinner's burning. -Don't worry... it's supposed to do this. Want to hear something great? Bobbie and Phoebe are throwing me a shower. It's really gonna be fun. -Want to hear something great? Bobbie and Phoebe are throwing me a shower. It's really gonna be fun. Not as much fun as the bachelor party the guys are throwing for me. -Not as much fun as the bachelor party the guys are throwing for me. You're going to have a bachelor party? -You're going to have a bachelor party? Of course. I'm a traditional guy... It's a traditional event. Well, what do you think? -Of course. I'm a traditional guy... It's a traditional event. Well, what do you think? It looks awful. -It looks awful. Yes, but looks are deceiving... Not in this case, however. -Yes, but looks are deceiving... Not in this case, however. Are you going to have women at your party? -Are you going to have women at your party? No, sweetheart, it's a stag party. Does stay home. -No, sweetheart, it's a stag party. Does stay home. I'm not talking about does. I'm talking about hookers. -I'm not talking about does. I'm talking about hookers. Oh, those. Why do you ask? -Oh, those. Why do you ask? Because from what I've heard, it's a tradition and you're a traditional guy. -Huh? Wha... I can't sleep. -I can't sleep. Oh... I got something for that. -Stop fooling around... I need to talk. What's the matter? -What's the matter? I don't know... I just feel scared. -I don't know... I just feel scared. About what? -About what? The wedding, my parents, your family, our friends, my job, the future, our relationship, the caterers, my gown, your tuxedo, our honeymoon, the apartment, my shower, your bachelor party... -The wedding, my parents, your family, our friends, my job, the future, our relationship, the caterers, my gown, your tuxedo, our honeymoon, the apartment, my shower, your bachelor party... I think the only think you've left out are our relations with the Soviet Union. Sweetheart, everything's gonna be all right. -I think the only think you've left out are our relations with the Soviet Union. Sweetheart, everything's gonna be all right. Before or After I have my nervous breakfown? -Before or After I have my nervous breakfown? C'mere. -That feels so great. Good... -Good... Um... that's very relaxing. -Um... that's very relaxing. Now, I want you to lie down and drift off to slumberland. -Well... twenty-four more hours to go and tonight we'll share with our friends and loved ones the joys of those last moments of singleness. You better not have too much joy. -You better not have too much joy. Wouldn't think of it. Because tomorrow... We're going to the chapel and we're... -Wouldn't think of it. Because tomorrow... We're going to the chapel and we're... Gonna get married... -This is it, lady. Last stop. Can't I just go with you guys? -Can't I just go with you guys? Sorry, we got men's business to do. It's no place for a lady. -Remember, you promised... no screwing around. Did I promise that? I don't remember that... -Did I promise that? I don't remember that... You're really pissing me off. -Okay, I promise... I swear on my mother's grave. Your mother's not dead. -Your mother's not dead. Well, if I go back on my word, I'll kill her. -Have a good time. Don't make it too late. Anything you say, ma'am. Have a fun shower. Use soap. -Anything you say, ma'am. Have a fun shower. Use soap. I love you. -Don't turn on the lights, sugar. I'll lead you around. How wonderful. A seeing eye hooker. -How wonderful. A seeing eye hooker. Why don't you get undressed. -I can't trust you! C'mon, I knew it was you. -C'mon, I knew it was you. Rick, you're lying! -Let go of me! Debbie, I'm telling you, I didn't do anything, hardly. -Debbie, I'm telling you, I didn't do anything, hardly. The marriage is off. Now you can screw around with your friends for the rest of your life. -The marriage is off. Now you can screw around with your friends for the rest of your life. I don't want that. I want to be with you. -I don't want that. I want to be with you. And I want to be with someone who understands the meaning of the word commitment. -And I want to be with someone who understands the meaning of the word commitment. I am committed. I love you. -I don't believe you. You don't believe me? Okay, fine. -See? And these are not just ordinary party-goers -- there are professionals in this crowd -- I didn't want any of them. You... You're what I want. Understand? Yes... -Yes... Great. Now, what do you want to do about it? -Great. Now, what do you want to do about it? Let's get naked. -Let's get naked. You're on. -Are you okay? Yeah. -Yeah. This has been quite a night. Here's a thought. Why don't we go home and give our private parts a workout? -This has been quite a night. Here's a thought. Why don't we go home and give our private parts a workout? You're so romantic... -If I were you, I'd worry less about the shower and more about Rick's bachelor party. Ilene, why would I want to do that? I trust Rick. -Ilene, why would I want to do that? I trust Rick. Of course you do. I trusted my ex, Mel, too. Cousin, I can only talk from experience. What do you think they do at these parties, have tea and play scrabble? -Of course you do. I trusted my ex, Mel, too. Cousin, I can only talk from experience. What do you think they do at these parties, have tea and play scrabble? Ilene, Rick promised... -Ilene, Rick promised... Debbie, don't be naive. Men are pigs. -Are you sure this is a good idea? Look, you heard what those hookers said. They were supposed to go to a bachelor party. -Look, you heard what those hookers said. They were supposed to go to a bachelor party. That doesn't mean it was Rick's party. -That doesn't mean it was Rick's party. Debbie, men are pigs -- if they can have women, we can have men. -Let's go. Look, girls -- I'll stay behind and hold them off. The rest of you break for it! -Look, girls -- I'll stay behind and hold them off. The rest of you break for it! Ilene, are you crazy? -Ilene, are you crazy? I know what I'm doing... Go! -I'm using the same caterer for the shower I had for our Christmas party last year. Great, Mom. -Why is Cole here? You know your father enjoys his company. -A strange wang right in my palm. Ilene, we don't really know that. -What kind of job? I'm a housewife. Quiet, Mother. -I hope Ilene's all right. I hope those guys are all right. -Ed, we're so glad you could come over at the last minute and judge our little beauty pageant. My pleasure, Al... Always happy to help out in a pinch... Excuse me. I better call my service... tell them where I am. -Congratulations on your daughter's wedding. Who's she marrying? A real turd. -A real turd. Well... hope she'll be very happy. -Great bathing suit. I think I screwed that one once. -Thanks for helping us out, Ed. We appreciate it. Any time, Al. -So we want your best girls, the cream of your crop. Let's see your bread. -Park View Hotel, Room 1002. They'll be up there in a half hour. -They'll be up there in a half hour. Okay. Nice to meet you both. -Jumbo, where the hell are the women? What are you talking about, asshole? -What are you talking about, asshole? Your whores never showed up. -Your whores never showed up. They left an hour ago, pink nuts. -They left an hour ago, pink nuts. Screw you! -That's it, prick lips. What are you... -What are you... I've had it, numb nuts... How much money you got? -I've had it, numb nuts... How much money you got? Why? -Why? Because I'm pissed off. Now give me your cash. -This is bad public relations. I was planning to do a lot of business with you. But now I'm going to have to go elsewhere. Hey. I'm sorry. You want girls. I'll give you girls. -Give him the works. That's more like it. -Screw you... Screw that... Don't jerk me around. You promised me 1500 seats for the Police Concert... 1500, not fifteen!... Screw that... Screw you -- Screw Sting. Hi, guys. Gary, you're quite an animal. -Gary, you're quite an animal. Screw you... -Let's go. Isn't he incredible, gets along with everybody. -Okay... We're all here. Rick, what's the big announcement? All right, gentlemen, I'm not gonna sugar-coat this thing. I've known you guys since grade school, so I'm gonna give it to you straight from the hip... right from the shoulder... without beating around the bush... Nothing fancy, just the plain, hard facts... tell it like it is. -Wait a minute. You been living with Debbie! Why do you want to get married? Because I love her. What can I tell you? -Sounds swell... I'm really touched. And my getting married's not gonna change a thing between me and my pals. We're still gonna go bowling on Tuesdays, play cards on Fridays and wear women's clothes on Sunday night. I love you guys... I always will. Let's have a toast. -Give the guy air. Everyone to a neutral corner. What's going on? -It's true. This place should have been wall to wall tits by now. -This place should have been wall to wall tits by now. Guy paints a beautiful picture. -Guy paints a beautiful picture. I'm going to see what the hell happened. -I'm going to see what the hell happened. Looks like the only one who got screwed here was you. -Looks like the only one who got screwed here was you. Screw that. -Hookers beat you up? Yes. -Yes. I didn't know you were into that. -Gary, how we doing, big stallion? Rick, I really think I'm in love. -Rick, I really think I'm in love. This is cause for celebration. She'll probably charge half price for sex from now on. -What can I be doing for you? You're a pimp? -You're a pimp? I'm telling you I am, Joe. -I'm telling you I am, Joe. I want women. -I want women. That I got. Very good women. They sit on your face, anything you want. -That I got. Very good women. They sit on your face, anything you want. I'll take some. -I'll take some. Big problem now. Soon they go to customers. -Big problem now. Soon they go to customers. I need them for a bachelor party at the Park View Hotel. -I need them for a bachelor party at the Park View Hotel. You are being in luck. Customers in same hotel. I let you have them at cut-rate price for 45 minutes. -You are being in luck. Customers in same hotel. I let you have them at cut-rate price for 45 minutes. Sold. 45 minutes. No problem. -Sold. 45 minutes. No problem. Not one minute longer or Milt will come for you. -Not one minute longer or Milt will come for you. Milt? -So, Larry, how have you been? Just in love with everybody. It's really a beautiful planet. I love you, Rick. I love you guys. I love everybody. -I hate her. I hate her guts, the bitch. Larry, you and your wife got problems? -Larry, you and your wife got problems? I don't want to talk about it. I love you guys. I love my friends. -Is that all the coke in the place? That's it. -That's it. Good. -You want to share it? Naw, two on a Quaalude... bad luck. -Naw, two on a Quaalude... bad luck. Right. -My marriage is the worst. All crap. A big pile of shit. Maybe your marriage should lay off grains for a while. -Maybe your marriage should lay off grains for a while. She hates me. It's over. You'll see, as soon as you get married, everything changes. You sure you want to go through with it, man? -She hates me. It's over. You'll see, as soon as you get married, everything changes. You sure you want to go through with it, man? What do you mean, it changes? -Guys, I think I'd rather stay here. C'mon, Larry. Be good for you. -C'mon, Larry. Be good for you. I just want to be alone. -I just want to be alone. "All right. Now, there's milk and cookies in the refrigerator. Go to bed right after ""Falcon Crest.""" -Lar... sometimes when people are mad they say things they don't mean. No, she hates me... I want to end everything here... now. -You okay? Yeah, I guess so. -Yeah, I guess so. Really? -Really? Yeah. I see you're right. C'mon, let's party. -What the hell are you doing? I'm trying to slash my wrists. -I'm trying to slash my wrists. You're trying to kill yourself with an electric razor? -You're trying to kill yourself with an electric razor? I couldn't find any razor blades. -I couldn't find any razor blades. Well, this is terrific. Now you're gonna have wrists that are smooth and kissable. Just go out there. Forget about everything and laugh it up. -Well, this is terrific. Now you're gonna have wrists that are smooth and kissable. Just go out there. Forget about everything and laugh it up. Ha, ha, ha. -Ha, ha, ha. No, have fun first. Then laugh. Now, forget about marriage for a while. Go party. -Hi, guys. We brought back a friend. It's Bullwinkle. -It's my fault. He's dead because... I left those drugs... It's really not all your fault. I was talking to Mike earlier and he had a lot of problems. Personal things, you know. Made some bad investments. At least now he's peaceful... -Are any of those right? This is the Park View Hotel. I'm the Hotel Manager. Are you looking for someone? -This is the Park View Hotel. I'm the Hotel Manager. Are you looking for someone? Yes, you. We're looking for our room... 1002. -It's on the tenth floor. What do you know, they moved it. Catch you later. -Keep your voices down. This is a respectable establishment. We don't go for any funny business here. Just then a GUY with a Moosehead Beer hat and TWO GUYS in a moose costume pass him and enter the elevator with the boys. I see what you mean... You're a beautiful guy. And you're doing a damn good job. -You're all under arrest. Open up! Your attention, please. May I be the first to say, It's a raid! -Oops! All right, who serves? -Rick, hit the ball easier, son. You don't have to kill it. Can't I just maim it a little? -Well, I have to admit my game's a little rusty, but I love polo. It's unrelenting, a constant challenge to the senses. Really a beautiful experience. Rick, I want to cut through the b.s. -Rick, I want to cut through the b.s. I'd love that. -I'd love that. Good. I think you're an asshole. No, let me correct that, an immature asshole. Which is fine, except you're marrying my daughter and I'm afraid my grandchildren are going to be little assholes. -Good. I think you're an asshole. No, let me correct that, an immature asshole. Which is fine, except you're marrying my daughter and I'm afraid my grandchildren are going to be little assholes. Mr. Thomerson, I... -Mr. Thomerson, I... Let me finish. Debbie's an adult. She can do what she wants. But if you want your marriage to last, you're going to have to change some things about yourself. If I may make some suggestions... -Let me finish. Debbie's an adult. She can do what she wants. But if you want your marriage to last, you're going to have to change some things about yourself. If I may make some suggestions... Feel free. -Feel free. First, you're a slob. You have to dress for success. Second, your outlook on life... -Welcome, welcome, one and all. Rick! -Rick! Oh, no! -The end. No sob story is going to change my mind. -Ebbie. Ger... umph... lable... Of course, sir. That explains it. Leather is a very good source of vitamin E. -Er... perhaps we ought to stop now. No. Let's at least finish the set. -Girls, why don't we go inside for lunch. Boys, would you mind bringing in that lemonade? In a second... And you're irresponsible. Show some initiative, try to better yourself, stop showing off, actions speak louder than words. -The thought of that person marrying my daughter makes me want to upchuck. You can tell a man by his friends. -Ed... you're kinky! The phone made me do it! -The phone made me do it! You've been having strange sex...! -You've been having strange sex...! No, Brett, I... -No, Brett, I... It's all right... So have I. -How are we doing? My name is O'Neill. And you are...? Klupner. Mrs. Klupner. -Klupner. Mrs. Klupner. Mrs.? -Mrs.? I'm separated. -I'm separated. Then there is a God. Why don't we take that baby picture. -I'm getting one heck of a glare off your dress there. Could you undo a few buttons? Of course. -Where'd she go? She probably had sex scheduled for 12:30. O'Neill, let's pick up the guys for a drink... I have major news to announce. -Where the hell is he? Knowing Larry, he probably missed the flight. -What's the matter? Nothing... Let's get crazy! -"We'll spend an hour with ""Nymphos Without Pants""..." Olivier's in that, right? -Olivier's in that, right? Then it's on to the real thing. -Excuse me, but this is as arousing as a stroll through the Vatican. This isn't right. -Don't you love it when old friends stop by? Hey, I'm starved... Let's go get something to eat. We'll bring back food for everybody. -Hey, I'm starved... Let's go get something to eat. We'll bring back food for everybody. I'm not really hungry. -I'm not really hungry. C'mon. I insist. -What the hell is that? My gift to you. -My gift to you. Under the table! -Under the table! The best table in the house. -I think you'll enjoy this table. So long, Father. -I don't get it. Why didn't you go for it just now? I don't know. Maybe it's because I love Debbie or maybe it's hard for me to get off in a place that smells like egg salad. I'm not sure. -Rick, I'm concerned. About what? -About what? This is your bachelor party. You haven't had sex with anyone yet. -This is your bachelor party. You haven't had sex with anyone yet. Get a few drinks into me, we'll dance and see what happens. -Get a few drinks into me, we'll dance and see what happens. I got something you can't resist. I have a friend, Tracey. She wants to meet you. She loves to please. -I got something you can't resist. I have a friend, Tracey. She wants to meet you. She loves to please. Oooooo. -Oooooo. Right in there, pal. -Right in there, pal. If I'm not out in a half hour, send for the paramedics. -If I'm not out in a half hour, send for the paramedics. That's the old Rick! -How'd it go? Put it to you this way -- you're gonna have to pry her out of the bed with a spatula, mister. -Put it to you this way -- you're gonna have to pry her out of the bed with a spatula, mister. I'm proud of you, lad. -Who was that? I don't know. -I don't know. What's this? -What's this? Got me. -How 'bout this? Still drawing a blank. -He look familiar? Very. -Very. C'mon. Get the hookers in a circle. We better put Cochise out of business. -Now, don't get into any trouble. Take care. -Hey, you guys... Who's your friend? -How about this, a Trojan donkey. And here's Mike's partner, in more ways than one. A gal who doesn't think happiness ends with primates. The very lovely, Miss Desiree... -What are you going to do about it? What can I do? I'm dead. Debbie's going to go crazy and end the whole thing. -What can I do? I'm dead. Debbie's going to go crazy and end the whole thing. I'll stop him... You stall him. -Reach out and snort someone. I'm saved. Let's party! -Guess who's here? Another surprise guest. Who? -Who? Debbie. -Debbie. My Debbie? -My Debbie? What's with her costume? -I don't know... Go up to her, make like you don't know her and send her into the other bedroom. You got it. -You always were sneaky, Stan, very sneaky. Rick, marriage will be good for you. It's done wonders for me. -Rick, marriage will be good for you. It's done wonders for me. True, you're a lot handsomer now. Don't you have enough blood already? -True, you're a lot handsomer now. Don't you have enough blood already? You won't miss a thing about being single... The wild parties, the different girls every night, running around like a maniac... God, I miss that. -You won't miss a thing about being single... The wild parties, the different girls every night, running around like a maniac... God, I miss that. Stan, you're depressing me... Hey, I didn't know you were going to fill 'er up. Just take a couple of gallons, okay? -That's an even trade... a cotton ball for all my blood. Okay, Rick, all finished. I can't wait for that bachelor party... I need the action. -Nah, that's okay. My brother has to look up old people's asses all day long. Let's give him a break. Right. Give me the will to live. Let me go first. -Thanks a lot, that was the best. You're next. Nah, not yet. Look, you're my older brother. I need some advice here. What's the deal with marriage? What can I expect? -Nah, not yet. Look, you're my older brother. I need some advice here. What's the deal with marriage? What can I expect? Well, the first month it's great. The second month things calm down a little. By the third month you're looking through your old girlfriends' phone numbers; by the fourth month you're numb; by the fifth month, hopefully the football season starts. -Well, the first month it's great. The second month things calm down a little. By the third month you're looking through your old girlfriends' phone numbers; by the fourth month you're numb; by the fifth month, hopefully the football season starts. Thanks, Stan, you've been a lot of help. -Oh... it's... er... the guys from the beer convention. We're bringing them to the party. Great. I was wondering, how do you guys go to the bathroom in that thing? -You're late again, Rick. I know, Sister, but I have a very good excuse. -I know, Sister, but I have a very good excuse. There can be no excuse for tardiness. -There can be no excuse for tardiness. You're absolutely right. I should never have stopped to save that drowning infant. I'm just weak, Sister; I'm so weak. -Sister, do you ever get lonely after vespers? If you do, why don't you give me a call. I'm in the book. Get going, Rick... you're late enough as it is. -Get going, Rick... you're late enough as it is. Right... Think it over. -How the hell are we supposed to get this donkey inside? I don't know. -I don't know. What? I thought you told me you had it all figured out. -What? I thought you told me you had it all figured out. Maybe I did... I don't remember. -Maybe I did... I don't remember. I'd love to get you in an operating room. Just once. -Can you believe how perfect it fits? Yeah. Who'd have thought they'd both be a size 138 regular. -Oh these moments do try me... Be gentle. -Wash it to the windows? No, we'll hit the son of a bitch head on. -No, we'll hit the son of a bitch head on. It's gonna flash, Stevie. We gotta get behind it. -It's gonna flash, Stevie. We gotta get behind it. Nah, listen to it. It's a pussy. It'll just steam on us. It won't flash. Go high in the ceiling. -That's Franny. She likes firemen. Tim, fill out the alarm card. Clean the pipe poles, wipe down the ladders and hang some hose. -Goddamn it, Stephen, lay off! You stupid dumbshit, you never know when to fucking quit, do you? You ever wonder why your career's in the fucking toilet? Why you're gonna be stuck a Lt. for life? No. I need a drink. -You know Knowlton pretty well? Yeah... -Yeah... Kind of an asshole, wasn't he? -Biggest in two battalions. We're gonna be okay, man... -Adcox, go with Pengelly and check the other side. It isn't safe, man. Don't go splittin' us up. Not with this one. -It isn't safe, man. Don't go splittin' us up. Not with this one. -- What the hell's the matter with you? You always check the other side. I haven't got time for bullshit right now, okay? We got a job here. --- What the hell's the matter with you? You always check the other side. I haven't got time for bullshit right now, okay? We got a job here. Let me take the lead, Stephen... -Let me take the lead, Stephen... Goddamn it Adcox! Just do your fucking job! -Aw man, Stephen, listen to me... -- What the fuck were you thinking, huh? Burning people? You're a fireman. --- What the fuck were you thinking, huh? Burning people? You're a fireman. They were killing firemen, man. When Sally showed me what was in Swayzak's files... They were my friends, I had to do it. I had to do it for the department. --- Knock it off! -- You can't let him turn you against your friends, man -- -...What do you want me to do, Stephen? Talk to me. What am I supposed to do? There's a fire. We've got a job here. Let's get on with it. -You stupid son of a bitch! What the fuck are you doing! Stevie... I... -Hey, baby McCaffrey. First one's the clincher. You did okay. My Lt. might have something to say about that. -My Lt. might have something to say about that. Ah, everybody screws up some, Brian. You're working for the toughest Lt. on the job. Saw him once pick up a probie he thought was moving too slow and throw him into a burning building. It's just bad luck you're family. -Ah, everybody screws up some, Brian. You're working for the toughest Lt. on the job. Saw him once pick up a probie he thought was moving too slow and throw him into a burning building. It's just bad luck you're family. John, when you're in there... in the fire... do you ever see... -Is he... He's alive. -Did you do it for Tim? That was an accident! Jesus Christ, why did you have to go in there so fucking early? Why didn't you listen to me! -You gotta let me finish -- Just come down, John. Just -- -Just come down, John. Just -- -- Shut up! Your dad would fucking puke if he saw how you've shit on his department! --- He killed people -- -- You know what Swayzak would do to the department if this got out? -- --- You know what Swayzak would do to the department if this got out? -- -- Stephen, this is bullshit -- --- Stephen, this is bullshit -- -- What he would do to your dad's department? You gotta let me finish it -- -It doesn't go like that. Who asked you? -Who asked you? If you do it like that it'll open in the fire. Then you'll get burned and DIE. -Well, look what we have here. Nice costume. Rent it? I want to thank you for coming to my graduation, Stephen. It was a great inspiration to me. -I want to thank you for coming to my graduation, Stephen. It was a great inspiration to me. So you're going to fight fires now, huh? -Doesn't work on you. See ya around, little brother. Not likely. -Not likely. Well, see you're wrong already. Had a talk with Chief Fitzgerald, and we decided in the interest of brotherly love, that maybe you shouldn't be way over on the other side of town. So starting tomorrow, your assigned to company 17. My company. One case of scotch, you're getting cheap in your old age, Brian... -I like what you've done with the place. It's comin' along... want a beer? -Been ripping off fire stations? It's old stuff Adcox gave me that the department was going to throw out anyway. Still good enough though for this tub. -My God, an actual operating 8-track. What, you've never seen one before? -What, you've never seen one before? In the Field Museum once. -In the Field Museum once. It works. -It works. It worked when you were in sixth grade. -People actually used to pay you for this? Millions, Stephen -- And sexual favors. -Millions, Stephen -- And sexual favors. Sheep don't count. -Sheep don't count. Yeah? What about Laura -- -Yeah? What about Laura -- That was never proved. -Why'd you come here, Brian? "I wanted to know why you messed with my station assignment. I mean, is this really gonna have to one of those big brother -- little brother ""you broke my GI Joe and I'm still pissed"" games?" -"I wanted to know why you messed with my station assignment. I mean, is this really gonna have to one of those big brother -- little brother ""you broke my GI Joe and I'm still pissed"" games?" What is it with you, man, huh? How do you manage to keep coming up with new and amazing ways to screw up? That scotch bullshit? Am I really supposed to believe you came crawling back home because you suddenly felt heart strings moan for the family biz? You were bankrupt, man. -What is it with you, man, huh? How do you manage to keep coming up with new and amazing ways to screw up? That scotch bullshit? Am I really supposed to believe you came crawling back home because you suddenly felt heart strings moan for the family biz? You were bankrupt, man. Hey! You don't know me -- -Hey! You don't know me -- I know you cold, Brian. The scary thing is, you probably could have faked it for awhile. But you see, in this job there's no place to hide. Isn't like selling log cabins. You have a bad day here -- someone dies. And that's not fucking good enough. Want another beer? -I know you cold, Brian. The scary thing is, you probably could have faked it for awhile. But you see, in this job there's no place to hide. Isn't like selling log cabins. You have a bad day here -- someone dies. And that's not fucking good enough. Want another beer? So that's it? Big bad brother's gonna ride my ass till I cough blood? -So that's it? Big bad brother's gonna ride my ass till I cough blood? Big bad brother is going to treat you like any other probie -- that I don't think is going to make it. -There's only so much technology can do. Thanks for the beer. Thanks for the speakers. -Y'know, I told myself a million times I didn't want to be a fireman. I said bullshit to that line about tradition and family legacy. I know I split, and I know how you felt... Yeah, you know. You know what it felt like. -Yeah, you know. You know what it felt like. I gotta do this, Stephen. I gotta know. -I gotta do this, Stephen. I gotta know. I think you're gonna find out, Brian. Don't be late tomorrow. -Ya love it, probie? I'm in heaven, Lt. -I'm in heaven, Lt. Hook us up to a stand-pipe. -Y'know, you got an awful short memory for direct orders. I told you to stay beside me. -- C'mon, Stephen. --- C'mon, Stephen. -- You split the team, man. And what was that crap with the standpipe? You'd think you and a hose were never introduced before. -Goddamn it Stephen! -- I told you to stay next to me! --- I told you to stay next to me! -- I was doin' it! I was up there fucking doin' it. You don't know, man, you don't know what I did! --- I was doin' it! I was up there fucking doin' it. You don't know, man, you don't know what I did! What you did was drop the ball, Probie. Get that right. -C'mon ladies, let's roll some hose... -- Never mind. -Thanks. Brian -- -- See ya tonight. -Hey. Hey. -So you got a 'roid going with Jackson or what? Nah, he's nothin'. It's just sometimes... sometimes you just gotta punch somebody out, y'know? -Look, Brian, a photographer. Maybe I can get on the cover of LIFE magazine, too. C'mon, let's crawl home. -Jesus, it's too damn bright in here... Like a goddamn spotlight... I'm goin' blind... This? -This? Yeah... too bright... -Roll the hose. What, are you kidding? By myself? -What, is it the stairs? Christ, I'll let you win next time. You got a problem with drilling, probie? -You got a problem with drilling, probie? No, Lt., I don't have a problem with drilling. But let's just have one drill. Not one for the company and one for me. -No, Lt., I don't have a problem with drilling. But let's just have one drill. Not one for the company and one for me. Roll the hose. -Ready? Christ, Stephen, let's wait for the hose team... -Christ, Stephen, let's wait for the hose team... Listen to it, Brian... Jump when I say... It won't get us. -You okay? I waited... I would have fucking waited... -I waited... I would have fucking waited... That's not what it's about, Brian. The point is there was a kid in there. And what if there'd been two? I went in because that's what I do. It's my way. It's dad's way. It isn't everybody's way. -That's not what it's about, Brian. The point is there was a kid in there. And what if there'd been two? I went in because that's what I do. It's my way. It's dad's way. It isn't everybody's way. Dad's way? Where did he tell you that? In a fucking seance? -Dad's way? Where did he tell you that? In a fucking seance? You said you wanted to know something, Brian. What did you learn today? What do you say, Brian, huh? Time to move on? -Look, you are sorta making yourself fair game. Thanks for the insight. -Thanks for the insight. Brian, look -- -Brian, look -- Just leave me alone, okay? -...Not now, Brian. Had to take on another fire bare- handed, huh? Had to be fucking myth man in there instead of looking out for your probie. Is that what happened? Is it, Stephen? -Had to take on another fire bare- handed, huh? Had to be fucking myth man in there instead of looking out for your probie. Is that what happened? Is it, Stephen? I had that fire. He didn't listen! -I had that fire. He didn't listen! He didn't listen? He was a fucking candidate! He was your responsibility. He shouldn't have been there in the first place, Stephen. You burned him. -He didn't listen? He was a fucking candidate! He was your responsibility. He shouldn't have been there in the first place, Stephen. You burned him. Fuck you. -Hey, what are you doing here? Just... Just wanted to say hello... -Just... Just wanted to say hello... So hello. -Well, long as you're here you can help clean up a little. I've got a guy coming to look at this in a few minutes. You're selling dad's boat? -You're selling dad's boat? Yeah, it's just another memory in my life right now. And I got way too many of them... -Yeah, it's just another memory in my life right now. And I got way too many of them... I really should get back. There's... there's something I'm supposed to do. -I really should get back. There's... there's something I'm supposed to do. Yeah? What have you got to do? Look at you. Look at your face. All the things you must be thinking. Man, you must really hate my guts. Well, you know what? It's okay. -Yeah? What have you got to do? Look at you. Look at your face. All the things you must be thinking. Man, you must really hate my guts. Well, you know what? It's okay. Look, Stephen, maybe we can talk about this some other -- -Look, Stephen, maybe we can talk about this some other -- -- Okay, so you don't like me. You don't like everything I've done. What, because I wasn't such a genius the way I raised you? Jesus Christ, dad was gone, what was I supposed to do? You tell me, what the fuck was I supposed to do?! -It's okay, Stephen, I -- -- I tried, y'know? Helen's right. I don't have all the answers, but goddamn it, I've got some. Look, you're gonna do what you have to, and maybe I shouldn't have gotten in the way. I'm your brother, not your father. Go on. You gotta go somewhere? Go... -I saw it. Saw what? -Saw what? When dad died, I saw another fire... -When dad died, I saw another fire... Everybody did. -Everybody did. I saw it before it got them. I tried to yell, but... He asked me to look out for him. And I didn't do it. I let him die. -I saw it before it got them. I tried to yell, but... He asked me to look out for him. And I didn't do it. I let him die. ...Jesus, you been carrying that around for twenty years? For christ's sake, you were seven years old! You think he could have heard you in there? -...Jesus, you been carrying that around for twenty years? For christ's sake, you were seven years old! You think he could have heard you in there? I hate him so much sometimes, Stephen. You don't know how hard it was for me to put that uniform on... -I hate him so much sometimes, Stephen. You don't know how hard it was for me to put that uniform on... Maybe I do. ...What a fuckin' mess, huh? People can change Brian. -Maybe I do. ...What a fuckin' mess, huh? People can change Brian. Sometimes right when you're looking at them. -Oh God, Stephen, what's going on with you? I don't know, Brian... I don't know... --- Stephen, wait a minute. I gotta talk to you. It's Adcox, he's -- -- What are you doing here? --- What are you doing here? I saw Adcox's back! I saw the burn! I put it there! Jesus Christ, Stephen, he's been killing people! -I saw Adcox's back! I saw the burn! I put it there! Jesus Christ, Stephen, he's been killing people! I know. -I know. How do you know? -How do you know? I knew when you came looking for the chemicals. Looking for me. -I knew when you came looking for the chemicals. Looking for me. -- What were they doing there? --- What were they doing there? They were for the fucking boat, Brian. -Anything else? What are we going to do about this? -What are we going to do about this? I'll handle it. -I'll handle it. We gotta go to Rimgale, Stephen. -We gotta go to Rimgale, Stephen. I'm his Lt. He's my responsibility. I'll handle it. Me. -You're his Lt., Stephen... Are you gonna handle it? Are you Stephen? Shut up! -You crazy son of a bitch, why couldn't you stay behind a desk where you belong? """You never know till the fire stares you down if you're gonna be --""" -"""You never know till the fire stares you down if you're gonna be --""" Oh shut up, huh? I think I broke my goddamn arm... -Don't tell them about Adcox... Don't let 'em... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I thought... I won't. -Brian. Jennifer. -Jennifer. You're back. -You're back. You look great. -You look great. Thanks for calling. -Thanks for calling. Uh... I've been sorta keeping a low profile... the academy... I graduated today. -Uh... I've been sorta keeping a low profile... the academy... I graduated today. Huh. -Huh. So... I see you're still in the neighborhood. -So... I see you're still in the neighborhood. Not quite. Just visiting. I live in Lincoln Park now. -Not quite. Just visiting. I live in Lincoln Park now. Yeah? What have you been up to? -Yeah? What have you been up to? I work for city hall. -I work for city hall. Really? No kidding. -Really? No kidding. What, you think I just dried up and blew away when you left? The world does turn once in awhile Brian, even without your permission. -Well, if nothing else, it's nice to know we can still be friends. I don't want to be your friend, Brian. -With grenadine, right? When I was twenty. -When I was twenty. Oooh, very sophisticated. Having fun? -Look, I'm not the same girl who had nothing better to do than wrap her legs around you on a Saturday night. This isn't about fun. I'm working here. Carrying Swayzak's notebook? -Carrying Swayzak's notebook? Let me tell you something. Martin Swayzak is going to be this town's next mayor. -Let me tell you something. Martin Swayzak is going to be this town's next mayor. Yeah. Swayzak. Humanity's last hope. How can you work for that guy? -Yeah. Swayzak. Humanity's last hope. How can you work for that guy? Why do you think Marty came here tonight? Because he cares about your department. You don't know how hard he works. You don't know about his programs helping West Side -- -Why do you think Marty came here tonight? Because he cares about your department. You don't know how hard he works. You don't know about his programs helping West Side -- -- All I know is that his programs are getting firemen hurt. --- All I know is that his programs are getting firemen hurt. Bullshit. Marty's plan is only about efficiency. I've got two cousins on the job, you think I'd work for him if I didn't believe in it? -What was that? Oh man, you have picked up a few moves since John Paul II Boulevard. Yeah, well I like to think I'm just a little past hanging out on JP II watching the Irish pick fights and Litwalks barf in the planters. -Yeah, well I like to think I'm just a little past hanging out on JP II watching the Irish pick fights and Litwalks barf in the planters. I seem to remember some pretty good nights on JP II. -Boy, took you all of thirty seconds to blow that. C'mon Jennifer, he's just another North-Side jag-off with a mouth. -C'mon Jennifer, he's just another North-Side jag-off with a mouth. Brian, do you always have to be so stupid? Think about your future for once. -Brian, do you always have to be so stupid? Think about your future for once. So now you suddenly care about my future? -So now you suddenly care about my future? Look, I didn't mean to take a piece out of you back there, I just thought you'd call when you came back. You didn't and... Don't blow it just because of this garbage between us. -Look, I didn't mean to take a piece out of you back there, I just thought you'd call when you came back. You didn't and... Don't blow it just because of this garbage between us. Hey, sorry if I made you look bad in front of your boss. But I'm not gonna be a poster boy for him, I'm trying to do something here. There's five hundred smoke eaters in this room that do that stuff for real every day. Tell Swayzak to talk to one of them. -I've been thinking about what you said the other night... If the offer's still on the table, I'd like to talk about it. ...Okay. I'll arrange things with your assignment captain. Marty's a good man, Brian. -...Okay. I'll arrange things with your assignment captain. Marty's a good man, Brian. Yeah... -Arson. Straightest answer your department's given me all week. -Hey. How's it going? -How's it going? Boss and I are up to about three words an hour. -Boss and I are up to about three words an hour. Green committed to a thousand. There's another fund-raising party tonight. Marty'd really like you to come. -Green committed to a thousand. There's another fund-raising party tonight. Marty'd really like you to come. I don't know, I'm kinda swamped here. -I could use a date. Yeah? Well, maybe I can fit it in... -Hi. Hey... So are you dating your boss or what? -Hey... So are you dating your boss or what? If you weren't at least the 300th person to ask me that, I'd probably be pissed. Boy, you sure know it's a man's world sometimes... -If you weren't at least the 300th person to ask me that, I'd probably be pissed. Boy, you sure know it's a man's world sometimes... Sorry. Are you dating anyone? -Sorry. Are you dating anyone? You think that's really any of your business? -You think that's really any of your business? Well, you did invite me here. -Well, you did invite me here. Marty did. But I wanted you to come to. -Okay. Boy, Rimgale's as slow as a snail, isn't he? -Boy, Rimgale's as slow as a snail, isn't he? No, he's more of a dinosaur. Guy's not a dummy, though. He's juggling alot of balls on this one. -No, he's more of a dinosaur. Guy's not a dummy, though. He's juggling alot of balls on this one. Yeah, but it doesn't take Albert Einstein just to figure out if these guys were killed by accidents or not. -Yeah, but it doesn't take Albert Einstein just to figure out if these guys were killed by accidents or not. Jesus, give him a break. There isn't enough proof yet to go public. Sure, we found some chemical shit we think somebody dumped in the plugs to torch 'em, and we've maybe figured out why backdrafts, but you can't rush this stuff. Not 'till it's locked. -Jesus, give him a break. There isn't enough proof yet to go public. Sure, we found some chemical shit we think somebody dumped in the plugs to torch 'em, and we've maybe figured out why backdrafts, but you can't rush this stuff. Not 'till it's locked. But Rimgale's probably going to come around to arson. -But Rimgale's probably going to come around to arson. In a dinosaur kinda way, yeah. -Thanks for the invite. Got anything to drink in there? -Got anything to drink in there? Oh, there might be something stashed away for emergencies. -This is one of the oldest fire stations in the city. Lotta tradition locked up in here. What do you think? Homey. -Homey. See that trap door up there? That used to lead to the hay loft when they had horse-drawn engines. It was pretty different then... but kinda the same, y'know? -See that trap door up there? That used to lead to the hay loft when they had horse-drawn engines. It was pretty different then... but kinda the same, y'know? Do you miss it? You seem like you do. -Do you miss it? You seem like you do. When I came back, I knew more than anything else that I wanted to be a fireman. -When I came back, I knew more than anything else that I wanted to be a fireman. Then why did you quit? -Then why did you quit? I wanted to be a good one. -Well, our specimen here is your basic standard issue piece of primary suppression equipment. This area is the pumping panel, which controls the rate of liquid insertion into the hose. Uh huh. -Brian. What's wrong? You told Swayzak about our arson lead. It's all over the fucking news. -You told Swayzak about our arson lead. It's all over the fucking news. I didn't know it was a secret. There aren't supposed to be secrets between the city and its investigators -- -I didn't know it was a secret. There aren't supposed to be secrets between the city and its investigators -- -- Bullshit! You knew what I told you wasn't ready for the papers -- --- Bullshit! You knew what I told you wasn't ready for the papers -- Will you please keep your voice down, there's people -- -Will you please keep your voice down, there's people -- -- You could have scared the son of a bitch off. We may never bust him now. All for a couple's political points. --- You could have scared the son of a bitch off. We may never bust him now. All for a couple's political points. I was doing my job. -I was doing my job. "Yeah? And just how much of all this has been ""doing your job""?" -"Yeah? And just how much of all this has been ""doing your job""?" Let me ask you something, do you really think Marty had you assigned to arson because of your firefighting skills? Who the hell are you kidding? I was there, remember? I saw you and your brother -- -Let me ask you something, do you really think Marty had you assigned to arson because of your firefighting skills? Who the hell are you kidding? I was there, remember? I saw you and your brother -- Leave Stephen out of this -- -Leave Stephen out of this -- Oh yeah, he's the real fireman. Who are you? Just another probie working for Swayzak -- -Oh yeah, he's the real fireman. Who are you? Just another probie working for Swayzak -- -- I work for the city. --- I work for the city. You knew what we were asking you to do. Don't suddenly pull out a conscience now. The fit isn't right. -Hi. Hi. -Hi. We still talking? Look, I'm sorry about the other day -- -We still talking? Look, I'm sorry about the other day -- Swayzak knows something about the guys that were murdered. I want to know why he keeps that hidden. -Swayzak knows something about the guys that were murdered. I want to know why he keeps that hidden. I don't know anything about it. -I don't know anything about it. You could check. It'd be in his files. -You could check. It'd be in his files. Do you know what you're asking me to do? -Do you know what you're asking me to do? Yes. -Yes. Y'know, four years ago I was working in a bakery. Two years ago I was bringing Marty coffee and he didn't even know my name. I run that office now. Marty believed in me and I believe in him. You want me to just throw that away? -Y'know, four years ago I was working in a bakery. Two years ago I was bringing Marty coffee and he didn't even know my name. I run that office now. Marty believed in me and I believe in him. You want me to just throw that away? Your boss is lying, Jennifer. -What is -- Just take it. -I'm sorry. That's a dumb thing to say. -That's a dumb thing to say. You're right. -I think your boss is going to need some spin control. I quit two days ago, Brian. -I quit two days ago, Brian. What'll you do? -What'll you do? I don't have the slightest idea... -I don't have the slightest idea... I'll see ya around, huh? -I'll see ya around, huh? It's a small town. -Brian McCaffrey... Oh this is really a treat. Brian McCaffrey. Lost a dad to the animal, huh? Hey, do I know you? -I'm close... but I can't get who it is... So you came to me... Well, this is going to be an interesting afternoon after all... -Okay, here's the deal. I'll tell you a story, you tell me one. Fair? Who's doing this? -Who's doing this? Your first question should be who isn't. It isn't a spark, Brian. Not enough damage. And an insurance pro? Where's the profit margin? -Your first question should be who isn't. It isn't a spark, Brian. Not enough damage. And an insurance pro? Where's the profit margin? Then who -- -Then who -- -- No no, your turn. Tell me a story. --- No no, your turn. Tell me a story. I don't have a story. -I don't have a story. Sure you do. -Famous story even. Straight burn. Just an engine and truck first on scene. What did you feel, Brian, when you first got there? What? -What? You gotta tell a story too, Brian. It's fair. C'mon, don't think too hard -- -You gotta tell a story too, Brian. It's fair. C'mon, don't think too hard -- I... I thought it was great. I loved it. It was nothing to these guys... medium deal. -I... I thought it was great. I loved it. It was nothing to these guys... medium deal. Right. Light smoke, low roll. Couple'a civilians hollering -- medium deal. So young fireman Adcox and Captain McCaffrey, they head up stairs, get out on the fire escape -- McCaffrey does the ballsy jump across... what were you feeling, Brian? C'mon, you promised. Be honest. Okay... Guard! -Right. Light smoke, low roll. Couple'a civilians hollering -- medium deal. So young fireman Adcox and Captain McCaffrey, they head up stairs, get out on the fire escape -- McCaffrey does the ballsy jump across... what were you feeling, Brian? C'mon, you promised. Be honest. Okay... Guard! -- I wanted to be him. Right then I wanted to be him more than anything... --- I wanted to be him. Right then I wanted to be him more than anything... Very good, Brian. -- About your report here. The way to a torch's heart is through his tools. That's how you know him. It's the way he talks to the fire. And to you if you listen. -Very good, Brian. -- About your report here. The way to a torch's heart is through his tools. That's how you know him. It's the way he talks to the fire. And to you if you listen. The outlets. -The outlets. That's a probie answer. You're smarter than that, Brian. -That's a probie answer. You're smarter than that, Brian. Trychticholorate. -Trychticholorate. Good. -- So our two heroes, Adcox and McCaffrey, they go back inside. Only there's another fire in there nobody sees. And it took your dad, didn't it Brian? Did you see him burn? -Who the fuck is doing this? After it took your dad... the fire... did it look at you Brian? Did it talk to you?... -Oh Jesus Christ... Not such a far walk after all, is it, Brian? -If it was a joke, sir, you'd be laughing. You walked out on this academy six years ago. One week to graduation. You think we forgot that? You think I did? -You walked out on this academy six years ago. One week to graduation. You think we forgot that? You think I did? I want another shot, Sir. -I want another shot, Sir. Look, everybody remembers your old man. Being his son, all you had to do was breathe to graduate here. Dead Hero Father Rule. But you blew us off. Why should I take you back? -Look, everybody remembers your old man. Being his son, all you had to do was breathe to graduate here. Dead Hero Father Rule. But you blew us off. Why should I take you back? If you remember, sir, my test scores were in the top -- -If you remember, sir, my test scores were in the top -- -- I don't give a damn what your test scores were, maybe you could have been a good firemen, but you had your shot. --- I don't give a damn what your test scores were, maybe you could have been a good firemen, but you had your shot. I need another one, sir. -I need another one, sir. Sorry, but it's out of my hands. Try again next year. -Sorry, but it's out of my hands. Try again next year. No, it isn't out of your hands or you wouldn't even have met me. If I push you have to let me back in. Dead Hero Father Rule. Sir. -No, it isn't out of your hands or you wouldn't even have met me. If I push you have to let me back in. Dead Hero Father Rule. Sir. Even if you graduate this academy, you've still got nine months of probation. That's hard duty, son. If you don't really love this job, it'll kill you. -Even if you graduate this academy, you've still got nine months of probation. That's hard duty, son. If you don't really love this job, it'll kill you. See you Monday. Sir. -Uh, I'm Brian McCaffrey. Your new assistant. Your Dennis' kid. I work alone. -Are you still here? Get used to me, Inspector. I'm not going anywhere. -Get used to me, Inspector. I'm not going anywhere. Then go find a corner. I don't want you in my way. -Then go find a corner. I don't want you in my way. I think we should get something straight here. I was assigned to this office by the city. -I think we should get something straight here. I was assigned to this office by the city. Look, I knew your father, he had a helluva reputation on this job. But that don't mean you get any slack. Swayzak sends you down here, okay, I gotta eat you, that's the rules and I got nothing to say about that. But Swayzak or no, you live with me. Step out of line, and I don't care who knows you, I'll swing the hammer. You think you're the first? -Where are you going? Pest control. --- Shhh. What are you listening to? -So you were happy here. Warm and cozy and in no hurry... Soot high, clean unburned wall low, indicates slow burn in thermal balance. Find me some glass. Glass? -Glass? Do we have a language barrier here? Glass. -Glass found in ignition room is in small, thin pieces, indicating explosion. Lack of discoloration indicates a long, slow burn. Explosion must of come after a slow burn. You little tease... What were you up to you little bastard, huh? What made you that mad? Or scared. It started in this room. Took its time, hung out... but the air ran out. It couldn't breathe. So it was snuffed. But it wasn't dead... still all that trapped heat, lying low, waiting for some sucker to open the door and give it that one gulp of air... -- Another backdraft. -Temperature in this room was about 2000 degrees, but copper wire in outlet is melted, which requires 5000 degrees. An accidental short in the plug could of created a spark of 7000 degrees, hot enough to melt the wire and start a fire. No it couldn't. -Uh, I don't think that's in my contract... I just re-wrote your contract. C'mere... -Read. """Trychtichlorate is a binary structured --""" -"""Trychtichlorate is a binary structured --""" -- Go to the bottom. Under heat properties. --- Go to the bottom. Under heat properties. """During heat episodes of 2000 Kelvin or higher, Trych breaks down and dissipates. Will consume magnesium""." -"""During heat episodes of 2000 Kelvin or higher, Trych breaks down and dissipates. Will consume magnesium""." Ever burned magnesium? It's so hot it takes water molecules and BAMM! -Son of a bitch tears 'em apart just to eat the oxygen. Wouldn't take much at all to melt ten gauge wire. Problem's burnt magnesium leaves a powder trace -- unless you could find something that would eat its residue. Trychticholorate. Then Swayzak can announce Seagrave was a murder. -Look, it isn't proof, okay? Someone may have put the chemical in the outlet, but we found it as a vapor in Cosgrove's clothes. And the putty around the door? -And the putty around the door? Even if it was used to seal the air off, that doesn't explain why someone would go to the trouble of a backdraft. A gun's a helluva lot easier -Even if it was used to seal the air off, that doesn't explain why someone would go to the trouble of a backdraft. A gun's a helluva lot easier But the right guess on this is arson. -But the right guess on this is arson. I don't guess. -I don't guess. Some people say you don't do much of anything when it comes to this case. -Some people say you don't do much of anything when it comes to this case. I don't work for them, either. -That's it! Oh, that son of a bitch, he's different, goddamn it! You see what this tells us, huh? Our killer doesn't love fire! What? -What? I got it after we talked to Ronald. Torches. Want to fry the whole goddamn world. But the fires that killed those guys never really burned up much. -- The burns were all lit in outlets surrounded by double firebreaks in the walls. And he made his burns backdrafts. -I got it after we talked to Ronald. Torches. Want to fry the whole goddamn world. But the fires that killed those guys never really burned up much. -- The burns were all lit in outlets surrounded by double firebreaks in the walls. And he made his burns backdrafts. But he killed these guys. -But he killed these guys. But he could have killed everybody there. The firebreaks kept it from spreading in the wall. The backdraft blew out the flame. That's it. That's the reason. -But he could have killed everybody there. The firebreaks kept it from spreading in the wall. The backdraft blew out the flame. That's it. That's the reason. What reason? -What reason? Why backdrafts. Whoever fried Seagrave and Cosgrove went to a helluva lot of trouble to make sure they died by fire, but also made sure the fire blew itself out. -Why backdrafts. Whoever fried Seagrave and Cosgrove went to a helluva lot of trouble to make sure they died by fire, but also made sure the fire blew itself out. That's why the sealant on the doors... So what have we got, a torch with a conscience? -That's why the sealant on the doors... So what have we got, a torch with a conscience? No, we have a stone killer trying to make a point. -No, we have a stone killer trying to make a point. Are you going public with this? -Are you going public with this? No. Do that and I guarantee you'll scare him off. I don't want him running away. -What the hell are you doing here? I'm finished with Swayzak. I'll do whatever you want me to do. I just want to help catch the guy that burned Tim. You gotta give me another shot. -In a word, Brian, what is this job all about? Fire. -Hey boss, Dekom Trust is owned by Pan Illinois... which is majority controlled by Lakeside Dynamics... which is a division of Windy City Ventures... who's partners are... Alan Seagrave, Donald Cosgrove, and Jeffrey Holcomb. Son of a bitch. They knew each other. -So Seagrave and Holcomb were accountants... And Cosgrove. Coppers figured he laundered money for the mob before getting into real estate. They weren't very high on Seagrave, either. -And Cosgrove. Coppers figured he laundered money for the mob before getting into real estate. They weren't very high on Seagrave, either. Nice bunch of guys. -Nice bunch of guys. Who all ended up wearing candles for faces... Swayzak's up to his ass in this somehow. Guy can barely hold a drink in his hand, he's so scared. -This is the copy of Swayzak's manning report that was released. Everybody on this job knows it's bullshit but we could never argue with the numbers. They're all airtight. Yeah? Airtight? -I've got three different drafts of the same report -- with different numbers that're all over the place. Looks like they were just making it up as they went along. Did a little check on the consulting firm that wrote the report. They did exactly one job -- Swayzak's manpower study. It's not even really a company. No employees, no directors, just a PO Box. -Did a little check on the consulting firm that wrote the report. They did exactly one job -- Swayzak's manpower study. It's not even really a company. No employees, no directors, just a PO Box. Then who wrote the report? -Then who wrote the report? It had to be someone who knows numbers. Some kind of fancy accountant. But what's the connection? -Well Brian, I guess you can say it's arson now... How ya feeling? -Did you pull me out? Yeah. -Yeah. Did I say thanks? -Did I say thanks? No. -No. Just wondering. -Just wondering. I hate hospitals. You're so... so goddamn useless... -So what do you want me to do? I've been lying here hours... just thinking... We're close... We're not looking in the right place, Brian. This one knows us and we're not looking in the right place... -Your brother was a good man. Yeah. -Yeah. Another couple of good men get burned up for their city? Is that how it's going to read? You're the only one that knows. -Another couple of good men get burned up for their city? Is that how it's going to read? You're the only one that knows. Like it never happened... -Brian? Hi, Helen. Man, you look great. -Hi, Helen. Man, you look great. You look like... Brian. -'Bout written you off. How long have you been in town? Four months. -Four months. Four months? -Four months? I know, I know, Should'a called. I've been really busy. I joined the fire department. -That's Sean? Jeez, he's a giant. Yeah, you'd be surprised what three years can do to a kid. -Yeah, you'd be surprised what three years can do to a kid. Sean, come on out, man. What, you forget your favorite uncle? -Sean, come on out, man. What, you forget your favorite uncle? Stephen told him you were killed in a hot tub accident. -Well that's two things to strangle Stephen for. Where is he, anyway? Stephen's not staying here now, Brian. He moved out last April. -Oh, man, I'm sorry. You guys ought to try picking up a phone once in awhile. -Yeah. Big fan. And I'm a huge fan of what you did to save that woman, Brian. -And I'm a huge fan of what you did to save that woman, Brian. Uh, I think there's been a mistake. I didn't save that woman. -Uh, I think there's been a mistake. I didn't save that woman. No need to be modest, Brian. -No need to be modest, Brian. No, you don't understand, I saved a mannequin. -No, you don't understand, I saved a mannequin. -- That really was incredibly work you did. You and your brother, fighting fires together, helluva image, isn't it? You must feel lucky to be assigned under his command. --- That really was incredibly work you did. You and your brother, fighting fires together, helluva image, isn't it? You must feel lucky to be assigned under his command. Every little boy's fantasy. -Every little boy's fantasy. Brian, let me come to the point. I'd like to offer you a job. -Brian, let me come to the point. I'd like to offer you a job. I have a job. -I have a job. This one's still with the fire department. One of our best investigators, Don Rimgale, is working on a very difficult, visible case right now. We think he could use another pair of hands and you're exactly the kind of guy I want representing us: An authentic hero from a traditional firefighting clan. -This one's still with the fire department. One of our best investigators, Don Rimgale, is working on a very difficult, visible case right now. We think he could use another pair of hands and you're exactly the kind of guy I want representing us: An authentic hero from a traditional firefighting clan. Yeah, we got all kinds of traditions -- like dying young. -Yeah, we got all kinds of traditions -- like dying young. Not every job in the fire department comes with a tombstone, Brian. This could be a great opportunity to move... beyond a fire engine. -Mr. McCaffrey... Nice boat. -Nice boat. It isn't mine. Let's get a picture. -Mr. McCaffrey... Keeping busy? Yeah. In fact, I just dropped off a letter to the Times explaining how yesterday's arson announcement was a fabrication by your office. They loved it. And you know what? You were right, my family background in firefighting gave it weight. -Completely out of control. What the hell are we waiting for? -Aren't you even curious? Engine 115, right? -Engine 115, right? How'd you know? These are supposed to be sealed. -How'd you know? These are supposed to be sealed. Lucky guess. And a case of scotch to a captain in station assignments. -Lucky guess. And a case of scotch to a captain in station assignments. You crooked son of a bitch. Why 115? -You crooked son of a bitch. Why 115? Lots of fires. They promote faster there. Take a look at the last Lt.'s list, half the guys on it came from that battalion. Gotta think about your future, Timmy. 115's the station. -Lots of fires. They promote faster there. Take a look at the last Lt.'s list, half the guys on it came from that battalion. Gotta think about your future, Timmy. 115's the station. Ah man, if you're gonna bribe your way into a station, why not 17 with me and your brother? -Man. Something sure put a crimp in his evening. Backdraft. -Do you have to do that? Could you believe that fire? Man! First day! There I was, Adcox and me, pullin' that lady right out of the fire's fuckin' throat! I love it here -- No surround and drown for this company. Fighting 17th! Goddamn Stephen's amazing. You see how he took that fire by the balls? I'm gonna be that good some day, you watch. -"Y'know what Stephen said to me, right when all the shit was coming hard? ""You never know till the moment the fire stares you down if you're just gonna do this job or be great at it""." Ah man, is he usin' that line now on you? What, you think he made that little gem up? Jesus Christ, I used to have to listen to my old man use that every morning. -What? """Probationary Fireman Brian McCaffrey, on his very first fire, showed the kind of bravery and courage of a veteran firefighter when he risked life and limb to double-check a burning floor alone, emerging victoriously with Anna Rodriguez, a seamstress for the North Shore Clothing Company... McCaffrey first gained prominence as the subject of a 1972 Pulitzer Prize winning photograph taken at the scene of his father's death...""" -So, you surviving without me? There's no replacement 'cause of your boss' cuts, if that's what you mean. If someone else goes out on an injury we're really screwed. -There's no replacement 'cause of your boss' cuts, if that's what you mean. If someone else goes out on an injury we're really screwed. Swayzak's not my boss. -Well, if it isn't the littlest McCaffrey. Hey! You break anything with that you buy it! Sorry, there must be something wrong with my eyes. I keep thinking that's a fire department uniform. It's in my blood, Willy. -"Really. Well, let's have a look at what else was ""in your blood"". I always look forward to getting these, they make such a nice collage for the bar... ""Assistant Director, Sales, Aspen Snowmobile Tours...""" Didn't offer the kinda growth and challenge I need. -Didn't offer the kinda growth and challenge I need. "Uh huh. And ""Pioneer's Pride, Mobile Log Cabins"". That was in your blood about six months wasn't it?" -"Uh huh. And ""Pioneer's Pride, Mobile Log Cabins"". That was in your blood about six months wasn't it?" Management were pin heads. -Management were pin heads. """Laguna Jamming, Custom Surfboards""?" -"""Laguna Jamming, Custom Surfboards""?" Coffee sucked. -Coffee sucked. "And just this year, ""Brian's Sound Spectrum"". Your own company even. Big step." -"And just this year, ""Brian's Sound Spectrum"". Your own company even. Big step." I was ahead of my time. -I was ahead of my time. "You know, I've got a perfect little spot here for ""Brian McCaffrey, Fireman""..." -Who's going to die? Brian. He's not doing it right, dad. He never does it right. -Brian. He's not doing it right, dad. He never does it right. Well, let's have a look. -Your brother's right. If you don't fasten these correctly they could open and you'd get burned. And DIE! -Fireman shit? Hey, what's with the mouth? Where'd you grow up, a barn? -Hey, what's with the mouth? Where'd you grow up, a barn? Firehouse. -Firehouse. Cute. -Dad! You've come along a dozen times, Stephen, give your brother a chance. We'll be back in a few minutes. How 'bout it, sport? -I hate it when we gotta fucking go look for it. Call in another alarm. We're gonna need some back-up. -Stevie? Rimgale's here to see you. I'm busy. -I'm busy. He just wants to -- -He just wants to -- -- I'm busy goddamn it, okay? -We gotta roll, Stevie... I'll be there. -I'll be there. They're waitin' man. -They're waitin' man. I'll be there, goddamn it! -Uh, Helen, I wanted to talk to you a second about Sean... Stephen, I'm kinda busy here, can we talk about this later? -You can't talk about my brother like that... Here we go... -Stephen, what are you doing here? Fixing my roof. -Fixing my roof. It's not your roof anymore. -Where's Sean? He's got piano lessons. -He's got piano lessons. Oh yeah? How's he doing? -Oh yeah? How's he doing? He's going to be a fireman. -He's going to be a fireman. Give up, babe. You can't fight it. Believe me, my mom tried... -Give up, babe. You can't fight it. Believe me, my mom tried... Stephen, you gotta stop just showing up on the roof like this. -Stephen, you gotta stop just showing up on the roof like this. I just wanted to, I don't know, not exactly apologize for the other night -- especially since I don't remember much of it -- -I just wanted to, I don't know, not exactly apologize for the other night -- especially since I don't remember much of it -- -- You remember. --- You remember. Yeah... I just thought I should say, I don't know, something. -Yeah... I just thought I should say, I don't know, something. The great communicator. -The great communicator. Sorry I hit Jackson. -Sorry I hit Jackson. He deserved it. He was born deserving it. -He deserved it. He was born deserving it. He treats you okay? -He treats you okay? Okay. -Okay. I treated you better. -I treated you better. You treated me like shit. -You want some coffee? Coffee? Nah, I gotta go. -Coffee? Nah, I gotta go. What's wrong, Stephen? C'mon, you only beat up the roof when something's on your mind. How's Brian doing? -What's wrong, Stephen? C'mon, you only beat up the roof when something's on your mind. How's Brian doing? He's out. -He's out. I know he's out, but how's he doing? -I know he's out, but how's he doing? Y'know, I treated him better than any other probie I ever had. He probably hates my guts, but I did the best thing for him. I made him finally look in the mirror. -Y'know, I treated him better than any other probie I ever had. He probably hates my guts, but I did the best thing for him. I made him finally look in the mirror. Ah Stephen, that's what this is really about, isn't it? You always have to be right. -Ah Stephen, that's what this is really about, isn't it? You always have to be right. Hey, I'm the first one to admit when I'm wrong. -Hey, I'm the first one to admit when I'm wrong. Yeah? When was the last time? -Yeah? When was the last time? In a fire? Never. Look, I'm his brother. I care about him, y'know? He was going to get himself killed. Maybe not today, maybe not in a year, but it would've happened. And I couldn't -- I just couldn't... -In a fire? Never. Look, I'm his brother. I care about him, y'know? He was going to get himself killed. Maybe not today, maybe not in a year, but it would've happened. And I couldn't -- I just couldn't... You can't keep being his father... -I'm sorry... I... couldn't sleep... What's wrong? -What's wrong? I... It used to be, when I was a kid, what meant most to me about this job was there were no ifs. Life and death, right and wrong. When someone called the fire department, we came... Those guys don't know how much I love them... You don't leave people hanging... cause that's what it's all about. It's loyalty. It's 'till death do us part. Isn't that what you heard?... It's you go, we go... Cause without that, it's the end of families, it's the end of the fire department... and when the fire department stops coming... that's the end of the fucking world... I'm sorry I came, Helen, it's just... it's just there's nobody I can talk to... I miss you. -Cook and I are almost finished here. Have a seat. Stephen... I... can I talk to you a second... -Look, I'm sorry I -- -- No, that's okay. It's just Sean... --- No, that's okay. It's just Sean... -- He's gettin' good on those eggs. And y'know, he told me he actually likes the piano. --- He's gettin' good on those eggs. And y'know, he told me he actually likes the piano. I don't want to confuse him, Stephen. -They ran the residue you scraped from both crispers' front doors. It's a combination of plumber's putty and rayophene gum. Burns almost completely away when you light it. Putty? On both doors? -Putty? On both doors? There's something else kinda interesting... -Anyway, down here, take a look... McCaffrey, hold this for us. -See that patch of shirt? We wondered about the discoloration so he ran a spectro. On a lucky shot we picked up some traces of Trychticholorate. Nobody around here had ever heard of it. Trychticholorate? Alright, it's an absorption catalyst in toxic waste accidents. It's pretty rare, they stopped making it a couple'a years ago. -Trychticholorate? Alright, it's an absorption catalyst in toxic waste accidents. It's pretty rare, they stopped making it a couple'a years ago. Probably got in Cosgrove's clothes in a gas state from the fire. -Probably got in Cosgrove's clothes in a gas state from the fire. What the hell was it doing in the fire? -What the hell was it doing in the fire? That's your job. -Shadow. How ya doin', Ronald. Staying comfortable? -How ya doin', Ronald. Staying comfortable? Didn't think you'd make it. -Didn't think you'd make it. Wouldn't miss this for the world, pal. -Wouldn't miss this for the world, pal. Who's this? -Who's this? He works for me. -He works for me. Is he a fireman? I like firemen. -Is he a fireman? I like firemen. You like everybody, Ronald. -You don't know him. I know you. -Knock it off. Now. Tell him about me, Shadow? -Tell him about me, Shadow? Ronald here likes telephones. Used to tape wooden matches to the bell striker and wrap it in cotton. Came up with a whole little thing there, didn't you Ronald? When you got bored, what did you do? You just started making calls... mostly day care centers and retirement homes, wasn't it? -Ronald here likes telephones. Used to tape wooden matches to the bell striker and wrap it in cotton. Came up with a whole little thing there, didn't you Ronald? When you got bored, what did you do? You just started making calls... mostly day care centers and retirement homes, wasn't it? Did he tell you how we finally met? -Did he tell you how we finally met? Nobody cares, Ronald. -Nobody cares, Ronald. Oh, but it's a good story, Shadow. You're depriving our famous young friend here... -Sure Ronald? You're ready alright. Absolutely. --- Burn them. And old ladies? -And old ladies? -- Burn them. --- Burn them. And the world -- the whole world. -And the world -- the whole world. -- Burn it all. -Got a cause? Are the glory boys actually showing interest in Investigation's work? I may have a stroke. -Are the glory boys actually showing interest in Investigation's work? I may have a stroke. The glory boys just want to finish their report so they can go home. -I'm working on it. I deal with this stuff every day. But a fireman... you never get used to it. What happened up there? He was a candidate. Did he pay attention? Was he listening? -I deal with this stuff every day. But a fireman... you never get used to it. What happened up there? He was a candidate. Did he pay attention? Was he listening? ...He wasn't listening to the right thing... -...He wasn't listening to the right thing... What do you listen to, Stephen? -What do you listen to, Stephen? You don't know... nobody knows... -You don't know... nobody knows... I might. -It knows us. This one knows us. I need that report, Lt. -Alderman Swayzak. Investigator Rimgale. -Investigator Rimgale. I need to get in the trunk. -Inspector. Alderman. -When are you going to catch the prick that's doing this, Don? """Don?""" -"""Don?""" Don't you have any leads at all? -Don't you have any leads at all? No Marty, I don't. -We still haven't found a connection between the victims. Jesus, open your eyes! Seagrave, Cosgrove, and now Holcomb -- fried in a goddamn high-rise! -Jesus, open your eyes! Seagrave, Cosgrove, and now Holcomb -- fried in a goddamn high-rise! Holcomb? I didn't know the name of that victim had even been released yet. -Is there a connection between them, Alderman? Just catch the son of a bitch. -Mr. Swayzak! How ya doin'? Investigator... -I'm a little busy right now -- This'll only take a minute. There's two cops outside that want to ask you about this -- -I'm gonna need some bread, man. This ain't fair. I'm always here for you, and you can't even take decent care of me. My landlord is bitching like a motherfucker! You're two months behind on the rent, Lieutenant! Didya ever think of moving to a cheaper apartment? $3,500 a month is crazy, man! -Didya ever think of moving to a cheaper apartment? $3,500 a month is crazy, man! It's nothing. This is New York, man... Oh -- I forgot. Bowtay needs some cash to buy her new acting headshots out of the developers. It's a good investment, man. She could make serious money! -Brown Downtown... There hasn't been any smoking brown on the street in -- Who said anything about the fucking street. I've got more connects than you have, Lieutenant... -I can't get over what those guys did to her. I just can't. They're alive, aren't they? Come on, man! Everyone's making such a fucking fuss, just because she's a nun. Just because she wears a penguin suit, the church puts up 50 G for the guys who dared to rape her. Do you think they'd put up a dime if you got raped? Of course not. Or even for your little sister? The virgin? Like shit they would. -They're alive, aren't they? Come on, man! Everyone's making such a fucking fuss, just because she's a nun. Just because she wears a penguin suit, the church puts up 50 G for the guys who dared to rape her. Do you think they'd put up a dime if you got raped? Of course not. Or even for your little sister? The virgin? Like shit they would. Susie's not a virgin anymore. -Susie's not a virgin anymore. She's fucking nine years old! Jesus Christ. -It's horrible. They burned her breasts with cigarettes. Christ. Yeah? At least she's alive! I see people get killed every day! Worse yet, tortured first and then killed! The nuns got off easy. Jeez. Cigarette burns. Everyone's all upset about fucking cigarette burns. I'll show you cigarette burns! -The Church is a fucking racket. I know how they operate. I've been part of the racket since the first time some faggot priest spilt water on my head. My Aunt Lu says I was crying all the way through. Yeah, I know their game inside out. Now I'm free of it and I'm gonna stay that way. I'm not talking about the fucking Church. Fuck the Church. But tell me. Do you believe in God? -I'm not talking about the fucking Church. Fuck the Church. But tell me. Do you believe in God? What's to believe? -What's to believe? That Jesus Christ was the Son of God and he came to die for your sins. -People. You believe that man is the be-all and end-all? -You believe that man is the be-all and end-all? Yeah. -Yeah. OK. OK. Fine. But -- do you believe in God? -It's not the drugs, Ariane, it's -- it's someone who wants to kill me. You gotta believe me! Why? -Christ! Shit! I could kill them all with my bare hands. Who? -Who? Those fucking Mob assholes. -C'mere. You got some good blow, right? Yeah. -Yeah. Then c'mere. I got something for you. -First I'll put your Uptown in the spoon, then, to make it more exciting, I'm gonna add some Downtown. They call this thing a speedball, honey, but then you must know that... First time shooting up? Nah... -Nah... Sure it is. You're a virgin. Just like that nun. And I'm gonna rape you. -Can you believe the nerve of this fucking guy? He kills people for fun, and then, he puts up 100 G to bring in some guys who raped a nun. What a sick fuck. Man... Who? -Who? A wiseguy. Paying 100 Grand for the rapists if I turn then over direct to him. -But you could do it, baby. We could use the bread... You mean you could use it. -I got it, man! I will find those kids. And I'll get the 50 G from the Church! Then the kids'll go to jail. I'll be in charge, of course. After a little while, I'll break the fuckers out -- and I'll turn them in to shithead I was just talking to. And pick up his 100 G. No. I'll hit him up for 200 G. Or 250 G. l can do it -- 'cause I've got the kids. Then, of course, there's the 180 G I'm gonna pick up on the Game tonight -- when the Strawberries win! """The Strawberries""?" -"""The Strawberries""?" The Mets. So anyway, chalk up another 180 G for the Game. Jesus Christ! That's almost half a million dollars. Ariane! Wait. That's not good enough, I'll ask the shithead for 280 G for the kids. Then it'll be a perfect 500 thousand. Yeah. Perfect. 280 G for the kids. Yeah, it's good I prepared, or I wouldn't have thought to -- -How come all those guys who're looking to get 50 from the Church haven't come up with shit? You got some kinda inside track? I'm a Catholic. -You took the chalice. Yes. -Yes. You brought it back to the Church. And then it made it's way back to me, again. -You brought it back to the Church. And then it made it's way back to me, again. Yes. -Are you all right, honey? I was gonna bring it back myself. -So what are you doing here? He wants to know who brought in the chalice. -He wants to know who brought in the chalice. That's no mystery. Julio and Paolo brought it in, You don't want to hurt those boys, do you? I mean, they sure as Hell have got something coming, but it ain't what the Law wants to give them. You understand? No. How could you understand. -That stuff'll kill you quick, man. What the fuck are you? A drug counselor or a drug dealer? And you don't even do your own product! What kind of businessman are you? -What the fuck are you? A drug counselor or a drug dealer? And you don't even do your own product! What kind of businessman are you? The rich kind. Jeez, man. The way you smoke that shit is suicide. -The rich kind. Jeez, man. The way you smoke that shit is suicide. Fuck you. Just give me back a little something for the road. -How are you doing, man? Very good. Very good. The Mets are gonna win tomorrow. -There. Now you've got your profit and more. You'll have more product day after tomorrow, right? Uh - right. Sure. The Mets are gonna win tomorrow. -Uh - right. Sure. The Mets are gonna win tomorrow. I know. Take care of yourself, man, OK? Be cool. -I forgive you. Me? -Me? I forgive you. -I forgive you. You can't forgive me. After what I've done. I've fucked up bigtime. I've been bad. Real bad. -You can't forgive me. After what I've done. I've fucked up bigtime. I've been bad. Real bad. I forgive you. -I forgive you. Please. Please don't forgive me. I've always hated you for that. -I forgive you. Why? Why can't you hate me? Hate me! Please! Help me! Hate me! Help me! Hate me! -Why? Why can't you hate me? Hate me! Please! Help me! Hate me! Help me! Hate me! I forgive you. -I forgive you. Why? Jesus! Why me? Why can't I wash the ashes from my forehead, year after year after year? And why am I still drunk on your blood, the taste of your flesh on my tongue? Worst of all, why can't I feel the nails in my palms, the spear in my side, the crown of thorns round my head? Why do I have to know, over and over, that it was you. You who died; died for my sins! And that I will die for nothing. Why? -I forgive you. Why do I dream every night of the whore who brought you water on your road to death? And why have I never forgotten that if she, then I -- -Oh God, my God. it's goddamn good to be good. Forgive me. Father, for I have sinned. It's still goddamn good to be good. I forgive you. -Large? All right, cop. I want my money. -All right, cop. I want my money. It's still my money. If you want to have a chance at any part of it, shithead, you will take my $120,000 and bet on tomorrow's game. -It's still my money. If you want to have a chance at any part of it, shithead, you will take my $120,000 and bet on tomorrow's game. What about the money you owe me on yesterday's game? -What about the money you owe me on yesterday's game? Fuck yesterday's game. The World Series is seven games not six. Put in my bet. -Fuck yesterday's game. The World Series is seven games not six. Put in my bet. Let me think about it. -Let me think about it. There's nothing to think about. Either you put in my bet or you ain't getting nothing. -Oh, really? Yeah, really. I'm no fucking asshole, man. I'm a fucking cop! -Yeah, really. I'm no fucking asshole, man. I'm a fucking cop! OK, cop. I want you to give yourself and your friends on the force a message. Tell them I've got my own reasons to be very interested in whomever did the job on the nuns. I'll double the Church reward if you bring those punks direct to me. 100 G cash. Get it? -Here's the deal: You meet me tonight across from the Garden. 33rd & 8th. At the beginning of the Ninth Inning. We'll listen to the end of the game together. You bring your cash, I'll bring mine. Yeah, sucker. You better be there! -I got them all going for Oakland. With bullshit money. We'll cover the $800. All right. What are you gonna do? -All right. What are you gonna do? I want 15 on the Mets. -I want 15 on the Mets. How about 7 1/2? -Hey, man. Don't give me that bullshit. Don't pussy-out on me. The Mets are a fucking lock. I wanna make some money. Are you sure? -Are you sure? Yeah. I'm sure. -OK asshole. You owe thirty grand. Now what are you gonna do? I wanna go double or nothing on the next game. -I wanna go double or nothing on the next game. Double or nothing? Are you fucking out of your mind? -Double or nothing? Are you fucking out of your mind? I'm not gonna let that bastard take my money -I'm not gonna let that bastard take my money Take your money? This guy will blow up your house and everyone in it! -Take your money? This guy will blow up your house and everyone in it! There's just no way the Mets will lose this game. Gooden is pitching and Strawberry is ready to break out. -Fuck Strawberry. You're gonna end up owing 60 G to a homicidal maniac! That's my problem. Just put in my bet. -Do you have the money? What money? -What money? Don't bullshit me. -I don't got it. Not tonight. You can't get blood from a stone. This psycho can. -This psycho can. Oooo... Big fucking scary guy. Just put $120,000 on tomorrow's game. -Oooo... Big fucking scary guy. Just put $120,000 on tomorrow's game. You're a fucking joke, you know that? He's been waiting for the money since the fucking game ended. And I've been waiting here since -- forget it. Listen up. You're gonna get us both fucking killed. You know that! -You're a fucking joke, you know that? He's been waiting for the money since the fucking game ended. And I've been waiting here since -- forget it. Listen up. You're gonna get us both fucking killed. You know that! Uh-uh. I'm gonna win. Just make sure the bet gets in. -You do know that he's gonna blow up your house, kill your wife and kids -- Good. I'll give him an extra 10 grand for his trouble. I hate that motherfucking house and -- -Good. I'll give him an extra 10 grand for his trouble. I hate that motherfucking house and -- He's gonna kill you, man. Do you hear me, motherfucker? You. Dead. Get it? -He's gonna kill you, man. Do you hear me, motherfucker? You. Dead. Get it? I've been dodging bullets since I was fourteen. No one can kill me. I'm fucking blessed. I'm fucking Catholic. -How's the case going? What case? -What case? The fucking rapists, man. The punks who raped that nun. The $50,000 reward from the Church! Remember? -The fucking rapists, man. The punks who raped that nun. The $50,000 reward from the Church! Remember? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. We're on it bigtime. Lots of leads. You bet. -Yeah. Sure. Yeah. We're on it bigtime. Lots of leads. You bet. That 50 G could help you -- -Get this, man. I was at the game today. Face to fucking face with Strawberry! Jesus! I saw him strikeout. And you know what? He looked at me, and I looked at him, and he laughed and I laughed and it was like we were all alone in that whole stadium and only we understood that it was all a racket, that he struck out on purpose, and that he's saving it up for the Big One. Tomorrow. Today I understood for the very first time that -- You've really got a problem. --- that there was never any other way it could have gone. Never any other way. So you had better just put in my fucking bet. $120,000 on the last game. The Big One. Come on! Are you a bookmaker, or fucking what? Here. Look I'll give you the psyho's number You call him yourself and tell him wnat you want. -Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been two days since my last confession. Father, my sin is a terrible sin. A sin of omission. There was another sin that happened at the same time, and in the same place, but my sin I think was graver stil. Sister, we all know what happened to you yesterday morning. I expected that you would want to speak to me about it. But you could have come to my office. Your being here, in the confessional, implies that you, Sister, have done something wrong. You haven't. I assure you. I feared you might have misplaced feelings of guilt. If you condemn yourself because you experienced feelings of... curiosity or even... pleasure, you mustn't -- -Father, if it was so trivial, so natural, so -- No. I have sinned. And you must listen if you are to prescribe an appropriate act of contrition, and to absolve me. Father, what would you do if you had but one day in which to use your arms to serve God? It's funny, you knew. But the first thing I think of is kneading the bread that I help bake for the soup kitchen. Maybe that's because my the muscles in my arms still hurt. -It's funny, you knew. But the first thing I think of is kneading the bread that I help bake for the soup kitchen. Maybe that's because my the muscles in my arms still hurt. I also thought of that bread, Father. And of that night six days ago when the Mother Superior died, and I kept the cool, damp cloth on her forehead freshly moist. Father, what would you do if you had but one day in which to use your legs to serve God? -I also thought of that bread, Father. And of that night six days ago when the Mother Superior died, and I kept the cool, damp cloth on her forehead freshly moist. Father, what would you do if you had but one day in which to use your legs to serve God? I think of running for help, and falling to my knees in prayer. -I think of running for help, and falling to my knees in prayer. As I have prayed day and night since the desecration of this church yesterday morning -- and my sin. You see, Father -- -As I have prayed day and night since the desecration of this church yesterday morning -- and my sin. You see, Father -- Yes, Sister? -Yes, Sister? Yesterday morning, God gave me but one chance to use something else to serve Him. Not my arms or my legs, but something I used for the first time, for the last time, and will never use again. My vagina. -Those boys, those sad, raging boys... They came to me as the needy do. And like many of the needy, they were rude. Like all the needy, they took. And like all the needy, they needed. Father. I knew them; They learn in our school. And play in our schoolyard. And they are good boys. You knew them? Who were they, Sister? Who are these boys? What are the names of these -- good boys you knew? -Yo, Big Black, we needs a name for this joint. How 'bout... -BLAK OUT. BLAK LISTED. BLAK BALL. Need I say more. B-L-A-K it is. -Keep trying. I'm on it. -...Benedict Arnold... ...that simpleton is holding back the race. They got rid of us and keep those two buffoons, Mantan and Sleep 'N Eat, y'knowwhatI'msayin'? -Same thing, y'knowwhatI'msayin', y'knowwhatI'msayin'! We know. We know. Yo, check it, my black brothers, we can't let this slide. Not this injustice. Nah, no way. Dem' two real coons iz ill. -We know. We know. Yo, check it, my black brothers, we can't let this slide. Not this injustice. Nah, no way. Dem' two real coons iz ill. 1/16, tru' 'dat. True 'dat. -He gots to be did. Did he gots to be. -You truly are a dancing fool. Yo Black, you looking for trouble. -Everybody say Ho! Ho! -Ho! That'swhatI'mtalkin'bout! That'swhatI'mtalkin'bout! I want to be the first to welcome you to the second taping of Mantan - The New Millennium Minstrel Show. -My name is Honeycutt and I want to try something different. Can you do this for me? Yeah! -Yeah! I'm gonna start a chant and I want y'all to follow me. Let's make our own 2 real coons know you're ready to start the show. -C'mon. It's easy. It's the same thing y'all do out at the Yankee game, no different 'cept we changing one word. Everybody go it? YEAH! -YEAH! Alright. Here we go. Let's go NIGGERS! LET'S GO NIGGERS! -Alright. Here we go. Let's go NIGGERS! LET'S GO NIGGERS! Let's go NIGGERS. -Let's go niggers! Louder. They can't hear you. -You idiot. You almost gave me a massive coronary. I didn't mean to scare you like that. -I didn't mean to scare you like that. Well you did. -Well you did. Give me some? -Give me some? I'm not huggin' you in the middle of the street. You must be crazy, Julius. -I'm not huggin' you in the middle of the street. You must be crazy, Julius. Whoa, hold up li'l sis'. I done told you 'bout that. Julius ain't my name, you better recognize Hopkins was our slave name. My true name is... -Whoa, hold up li'l sis'. I done told you 'bout that. Julius ain't my name, you better recognize Hopkins was our slave name. My true name is... I'm not callin you Big Black Africa. Mommy and Daddy named you Julius. -I'm not callin you Big Black Africa. Mommy and Daddy named you Julius. BIG BLACK is the first name and AFRICA is the last. -Damn, Sis, you don't keep no food up in here in dis' piece. I order out mostly. So what do I owe this visit to? -My group we need some exposure. Was wondering if you could hook a brother up? Hook you up? The Mau-Mau's? You must be smoking. Why in the world would I want to hook up a bunch of red, black and green flag-waving pseudo revolutionairies? -Hook you up? The Mau-Mau's? You must be smoking. Why in the world would I want to hook up a bunch of red, black and green flag-waving pseudo revolutionairies? So now I see where you're coming from. Just because we ain't rapping about Gucci, Timberland, Rolex, Benz, Cristal, ho's and bitches, we're pseudo. -So now I see where you're coming from. Just because we ain't rapping about Gucci, Timberland, Rolex, Benz, Cristal, ho's and bitches, we're pseudo. Who are you revolting against? -Who are you revolting against? We're revolting against the powers that be, that been enslaving the minds and hearts of all people of color. And we won't stop rapping till we bring about the overthrow of the government of the U.S. of A. -We're revolting against the powers that be, that been enslaving the minds and hearts of all people of color. And we won't stop rapping till we bring about the overthrow of the government of the U.S. of A. Please. -Please. If you were really down you would get us together with that boss of yours. What's his name again? -If you were really down you would get us together with that boss of yours. What's his name again? Delacroix. -Delacroix. Yeah, him. -Yeah, him. What makes you think he would write a show about the Mau-Mau's. -What makes you think he would write a show about the Mau-Mau's. C'mon, why not? The Monkees had a show. Look at all that other junk that's on TV. We got underground cult following. -You don't have the demographics. So are you telling me that you wouldn't even introduce me to Delacroix or set up a meeting? I'm talking 'bout me, your only brother, ya own flesh and blood, hook a brother up, youknowwhatI'msayin'. -So are you telling me that you wouldn't even introduce me to Delacroix or set up a meeting? I'm talking 'bout me, your only brother, ya own flesh and blood, hook a brother up, youknowwhatI'msayin'. That'swhatI'msayin'. I'm not blowin' my young career, brother or no brother, for you or anybody else. -That'swhatI'msayin'. I'm not blowin' my young career, brother or no brother, for you or anybody else. There is a name, a term for your kind, the likes of you. Back in slavery days, you would be classified as a house nigga. -There is a name, a term for your kind, the likes of you. Back in slavery days, you would be classified as a house nigga. If you think I'm a house nigga then that's your prerogative. You got your ways to affect change, I have mine. And I would appreciate it very much if you took ya field nigga ass out of my house. -If you think I'm a house nigga then that's your prerogative. You got your ways to affect change, I have mine. And I would appreciate it very much if you took ya field nigga ass out of my house. My own sister throwin' me out. I hope to seeya later when you get ya mind right. Don't bother letting me out. -My own sister throwin' me out. I hope to seeya later when you get ya mind right. Don't bother letting me out. That's mighty black of you. -The Mau-Mau's are up in dis place. That's right, the Mau-Mau's. What's your name? -What's your name? My righteous name is BIG BLACK. -My righteous name is BIG BLACK. And what are the Mau-Mau's going to do for us today? -And what are the Mau-Mau's going to do for us today? We gonna drop some knowledge, wisdom and understanding. The Mau- Mau's, we be scientists. We drop science. -We're ready when you are. Microphone check. One. Two. One. Two. One. Two. Hold up. I gots to give my peeps some props. Brothers introduce yourself. -Our first caller is Big Black from Brooklyn. Go 'head. Microphone check, one, two. One, two. Yo Tavis, I be lovin' yo show but Mantan you is foul. Why you perpetrating? You a sellout. -And Big Black from Brooklyn, what do you do? What do I do? -What do I do? What do you do? -What do you do? I'm a revolutionary. -And another thing, you better stay away from my sister or you better... Ladies and gentlemen, there is no need to go there. We can all agree to disagree without making threats. -Life is beginning to look up. It's all good in da neighborhood. You might be right. -You might be right. Why are you smiling so? -I'm not smiling. Naw, not you. It can't be. That hottie Sloan Hopkins. -Naw, not you. It can't be. That hottie Sloan Hopkins. It's that bad, huh? It's all over my face. -It's that bad, huh? It's all over my face. No shame in ya game. She got ya nostrils, ya chnoz is wide open. Sloan's what we certified ladies' men call low hanging fruit. -No shame in ya game. She got ya nostrils, ya chnoz is wide open. Sloan's what we certified ladies' men call low hanging fruit. Certified ladies' man, huh? -Certified ladies' man, huh? She's also moorish. -What's that? Moorish. Ya get a little taste of dat booty, ya wanna get some MORE. -Moorish. Ya get a little taste of dat booty, ya wanna get some MORE. Seconds and thirds, too. -Seconds and thirds, too. Sloan is all 'dat. I try her. I'm a tri-sexual. -Sloan is all 'dat. I try her. I'm a tri-sexual. You'd try anything. I got first dibs. You get ya own stuff. -You'd try anything. I got first dibs. You get ya own stuff. Naw, just jokin'. That's you. That's you. -DeLa - what's the matter with you. You ain't happy about the green light? -What's wrong with him? Must be the pressure. -Please, have a seat. Sloan never told us she had friends like you. -Sloan never told us she had friends like you. In fact, we never knew she had any friends period. -Why they gotta make my nose so big? Look at my lips. -I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid. What are you talkin' about? -What are you talkin' about? Jim Jones, y'know. I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid. -Jim Jones, y'know. I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid. Meaning? -Meaning? I'm out. -I'm out. Good. I've got a broken back from carrying you all these years anyway. -Good. I've got a broken back from carrying you all these years anyway. So that's what you been doing? -So that's what you been doing? Damn skippy. -Damn skippy. You're in this up till ya neck. -You're in this up till ya neck. Don't shoot me, I'm just the piano players. -Don't shoot me, I'm just the piano players. You can walk away. We both can. -You can walk away. We both can. Yeah, that's easy for you to do. You never had any talent. -Yeah, that's easy for you to do. You never had any talent. I'm so tired of you running that. I always worked hard for you. You think I'm a leech, a kling-on, I quit. -Good morning, Cheeba. Good morning to you, Mr. Delapot. -Good morning to you, Mr. Delapot. De-la-croix. -De-la-croix. Y'know what I mean. Got a gig yet for Manray and I yet? -Sloan and I have been looking all over for you. You'd take no offense if we called you DeLa for short? -You'd take no offense if we called you DeLa for short? No offense. -No offense. Manray needs a job. -I have this concept for a TV pilot. There's no guarantee it will get made but regardless, you'll still make some money. How much? -How much? First things first. I have to know if Manray is up for this. -What kind of show is this gonna be? Different. -What about in the mean time? Not the in between time? You'll both get an advance and you can stay with me. -Nice to meet you. And this is Manray. -Gentlemen, the show, our show will be satirical. You know what that is, don't you? Trust me on this one. We might need some mo' money behind this. -We might need some mo' money behind this. That can be done. -I'm starvin' like Marvin. My world famous, famous world Arroz con pollo will be ready very soon. -My world famous, famous world Arroz con pollo will be ready very soon. Hurry up, I wanna watch HBO. -Hurry up, I wanna watch HBO. Did we get our bill yet? -Ahh, the luxuries of life. Yo, check it. This is good and all that but one day soon I want to have much Benjamins so I can have a nice crib and pay all my bills. You hear me. -Yo, check it. This is good and all that but one day soon I want to have much Benjamins so I can have a nice crib and pay all my bills. You hear me. Chill, I'm the brains behind this outfit. -Chill, I'm the brains behind this outfit. And I'm the feet. -And I'm the feet. Yo, you gotta show some patience. You want me to snap my fingers and presto chango - you're an overnight sensation. Son, there is no such thing. -Yo, you gotta show some patience. You want me to snap my fingers and presto chango - you're an overnight sensation. Son, there is no such thing. I'm tired of waiting. -We ran out without my shoes and the floor. I gotta get my stuff. What about our savings? Are you crazy? The joint is crawling with cops now. You wanna go to Rikers? Go to the hoosegow? -We got evicted from our home. We've both been on the streets for the last week. We was coming to see you. -We was coming to see you. If it's not too much trouble could you order us some food? -If it's not too much trouble could you order us some food? We're starving. -That ain't funny. DeLa, I don't know 'bout this. -Manray, Sloan says you're too talented to be dancing on the street. Well do something about it. -My tap shoes. EUREKA!! -What do I have to do? Some tap dancing, some singing. -Some tap dancing, some singing. Where do I sign? -How different? Trust me. Of course I still have to pitch it to my boss, but we'll have an answer one way or the other. -Trust me. Of course I still have to pitch it to my boss, but we'll have an answer one way or the other. DeLa, I'm aboard. As long as I get to hoof and get paid too!!! -DeLa, I'm aboard. As long as I get to hoof and get paid too!!! That's right. Money turns the wheel. -I would like to change your name. To what? -To what? You're now Mantan. -You're now Mantan. Mantan? I don't even care as long as I'm dancing. Which reminds me, I need some new kicks. -I want you to start using the name Mantan and not Manray if you don't mind. Why? -Why? You have to start getting into your character. -Mantan? Mantan!! -I'm not playin' myself no mo'. How you sound? -How you sound? I won't do it anymore. -I won't do it anymore. Manray, I'm very sorry about ya boy Cheeba and Sloan. Believe me, it gave me no joy pulling ya coattail about her, just lookin' out for a brother. I feel you, all this stuff happenin' at once but you can't let if affect your work. You gotta be professional. -Manray, I'm very sorry about ya boy Cheeba and Sloan. Believe me, it gave me no joy pulling ya coattail about her, just lookin' out for a brother. I feel you, all this stuff happenin' at once but you can't let if affect your work. You gotta be professional. I'm always gonna be that. But I ain't doing no more buck dancing. -I'm always gonna be that. But I ain't doing no more buck dancing. No costume. No blackface. -Our guest today is Pierre Delacroix. He is the creator of the highly controversial TV show MANTAN. Let's get right into it. You have been called by some in the community a traitor, a sellout, an Uncle Tom. Why does your show generate such feelings? Because race has always been a sensitive issue in this country. Gary, I have no problem with people disagreeing with the show, it's when folks start trying to mess with my inherent right as an artist, that's when I get mad. No one, in any way, shape or form should be censored. -Because race has always been a sensitive issue in this country. Gary, I have no problem with people disagreeing with the show, it's when folks start trying to mess with my inherent right as an artist, that's when I get mad. No one, in any way, shape or form should be censored. No matter how sexist or racist the material may be? -No matter how sexist or racist the material may be? Yes. And I say yes because who is to judge? Who is to stand before us and say this is righteous and this is not? Who? Who can play God? -Yes. And I say yes because who is to judge? Who is to stand before us and say this is righteous and this is not? Who? Who can play God? But the line has to be drawn. -But the line has to be drawn. Don't you people get it? We're in the 21st Century. Slavery was over four hundred years ago. All that stuff people talked in the old days, it's over. Folks always crying, white man this, white man that. Let's all grow up. -Don't you people get it? We're in the 21st Century. Slavery was over four hundred years ago. All that stuff people talked in the old days, it's over. Folks always crying, white man this, white man that. Let's all grow up. Are you trying to excuse our Holocaust? -Are you trying to excuse our Holocaust? Can I finish? Thank you. I had a great Aunt, we called her Sister. She went to her grave not believing man had walked on the Moon. -...exactly thirty-two minutes ago. I'm sorry I'm late. -I'm sorry I'm late. Do you know how much information can be dispensed in one minute alone? -Do you know how much information can be dispensed in one minute alone? I didn't find out about this very important staff meeting until... -Four minutes ago. So are you telling me everyone knew about this get-together except you? -So are you telling me everyone knew about this get-together except you? I wasn't told about this until Marie informed me as soon as I got off the elevator. -Do you know what C.P. Time is? C.P. Time is Colored People's Time. The stereotypical belief that Negroes are always late. That Negroes have no sense of time - time except when it comes to music or dance. -I'm sorry about my blowup but I have to have a whipping boy every meeting. I understand. But again, in all honesty I was not informed. -I understand. But again, in all honesty I was not informed. Forget it. I believe you're my most creative person I've got on staff. You're hip. You know what's happening. I got some corny white boys and girls writing for me. -"I understand Black culture. I grew up around black people all my life. If the truth be told I probably know ""niggers"" better than you, Monsieur Delacroix. Please don't get offended by my use of the quote-unquote N word. I got a black wife and three bi-racial children, so I feel I have a right to use that word. I don't give a damn what Spike says, Tarantino is right. Nigger is just a word. If Dirty Ole Bastard can use it every other word so can I." I would prefer you not use that word in my presence. -I would prefer you not use that word in my presence. NIGGER. NIGGER. NIGGER. NIGGER. -The material you've been creating is too white bread. White people with black faces. The Huxtable's, Cosby, revolutionary. But that's dead. We can't go down that road again. I don't agree. The Negro middle class does exist, and it's rich material for a dramatic series or sitcom. -I don't agree. The Negro middle class does exist, and it's rich material for a dramatic series or sitcom. I'm telling you it's not. -The middle class black family moves into a white suburban enclave. The middle class black family moves into a small Southern town that is run by the KKK. The middle class single black father raises his teenage daughter. The middle class single black father raises his teenage daughter. The middle class single black mother raises her teenage son. And so on and so forth. It's too clean, too antiseptic... ...to white? I still feel all of my scripts would make good shows. -Delacroix, wake up, brother man. The reason why they didn't get picked up was because nobody - and I mean NOBODY - niggers and crackers alike wants to see that junk. I've never been given a fair shot. -I've never been given a fair shot. You got your head stuck up your ass with your Harvard education and your pretentious ways. Brother man, I'm blacker than you. I'm keepin' it real and you're frontin', trying to be white. -You got your head stuck up your ass with your Harvard education and your pretentious ways. Brother man, I'm blacker than you. I'm keepin' it real and you're frontin', trying to be white. "I'm an oreo, a sell out? Because I don't aspire to do HOMEBOYS FROM OUT OF SPACE, SECRET DIARY OF DESMOND PFEIFFER, A PJ's or some as you might put it, some ""nigger"" show? I'm a Tom? I'm whiter than white and you're blacker than black? Is that what you think?" -"I'm an oreo, a sell out? Because I don't aspire to do HOMEBOYS FROM OUT OF SPACE, SECRET DIARY OF DESMOND PFEIFFER, A PJ's or some as you might put it, some ""nigger"" show? I'm a Tom? I'm whiter than white and you're blacker than black? Is that what you think?" "That's exactly what I think. I want you to create something that people want to see. Let's be honest, the majority of the people in the country are deaf, dumb and blind and I'm including 35 million African-Americans. You know and I know ""niggers"" set the trend, set the styles. This is a golden opportunity now. These idiots have to be led to the water." -"That's exactly what I think. I want you to create something that people want to see. Let's be honest, the majority of the people in the country are deaf, dumb and blind and I'm including 35 million African-Americans. You know and I know ""niggers"" set the trend, set the styles. This is a golden opportunity now. These idiots have to be led to the water." I'm not sure if I can deliver what you want. -I'm not sure if I can deliver what you want. You will or you'll be back at BET so quick you'll never know what hit you. I need a mid-season replacement and pronto. It will be on the fast track. -What is it you want from me? Some plantation follies? Some sitcom that takes place on a watermelon patch? Some show that follows four nigger generations of junkies and crackheads? You want me to go back to the ante bellum days? Yes! Yes! Yes! I want a show that will make headlines, that will have millions and millions of households tuned in, glued to their televisions every week. I want advertisers dying to buy on this show. I'm gonna squeeze this show out of you if it kills you. -Delacroix, I'm glad you got your mind right. It's right and tight. Good morning, let me introduce you to everybody. You know my assistant, Sloan. -We're all happy to be here and I'm going to paint a picture for you. I'm wid it. -I'm wid it. I've done a lot of soul searching and once again you are right. In my previous work it's been all surface, superficial. I have never really dug deep. Not anymore. As Mark Twain fully understood satire is the way. Race has always been a hot button in this country's history and it needs to be pushed harder. If we are ever to live side by side in peace and harmony. It's about promoting racial healing. -I've done a lot of soul searching and once again you are right. In my previous work it's been all surface, superficial. I have never really dug deep. Not anymore. As Mark Twain fully understood satire is the way. Race has always been a hot button in this country's history and it needs to be pushed harder. If we are ever to live side by side in peace and harmony. It's about promoting racial healing. Go on. Good so far. -Go on. Good so far. I know you're familiar with minstrel shows. They came about at the turn of the 19th century. It was a variety show in which the talent was in blackface - singing, dancing, telling jokes, doing skits. Dunwitty, I ask you when was the last time there was a good variety show on the air. Carol Burnett? HeeHaw? -Word!!! So let's take this great form, this very American tradition of entertainment into the 21st century, into the new millennium. -So let's take this great form, this very American tradition of entertainment into the 21st century, into the new millennium. The name of the show? -The name of the show? It is called: MANTAN - THE NEW MILLENNIUM MINSTREL SHOW. -It is called: MANTAN - THE NEW MILLENNIUM MINSTREL SHOW. I'm lovin' it. You know how I know? Because I'm getting a boner, my Johnson is hard, no disrespect my sister. -I'm feelin' dis'! It will take a lot of courage and backbone on the part of the CNS to get this on the air. In fact, I would understand fully if the subject matter is deemed too risque, too controversial. -It will take a lot of courage and backbone on the part of the CNS to get this on the air. In fact, I would understand fully if the subject matter is deemed too risque, too controversial. Don't worry about that, that's my department. Now who do we cast? We need a star. Can Whoopi sing or dance? -Don't worry about that, that's my department. Now who do we cast? We need a star. Can Whoopi sing or dance? I don't know if Whoopi is the way to go. -I don't know if Whoopi is the way to go. Are these our two stars, sitting here in front of my nose? Which one is Mantan again? -That's a great handle. Mantan and Sleep 'n Eat. Two real coons. I know we're way out there but it's satire. -Mantan and Sleep 'n Eat. Two real coons. I know we're way out there but it's satire. I want you take it there. All the way to the edge and back. -Every week we follow the trials and tribulations of two real coons - Mantan and Sleep 'n Eat. The Dusky Duo. What are there character traits? -What are there character traits? Ignorant, dullwitted, lazy, and unlucky. -Ignorant, dullwitted, lazy, and unlucky. Exactly! -Exactly! Mantan is an uneducated Negro who always by some stroke of unbelievable stupidity makes his best laid plans go haywire. -Mantan is an uneducated Negro who always by some stroke of unbelievable stupidity makes his best laid plans go haywire. And Sleep 'n Eat is his comical sidekick? -And Sleep 'n Eat is his comical sidekick? Yep, you guessed it. -Yep, you guessed it. "This could be bigger than ""Amos and Andy.""" -"Protest finally forced ""Amos and Andy"" off the air. Could stop us from ever getting on." Let'em try. I will kill to make this happen. -Negroes would be in an uproar. So what. We would just give the NAACP a donation that would be the end of that. No such thing as bad publicity. So what. Earlier you said singing and dancing. -So what. We would just give the NAACP a donation that would be the end of that. No such thing as bad publicity. So what. Earlier you said singing and dancing. Mantan right here is a gifted hoofer. He has educated feet. -Mantan right here is a gifted hoofer. He has educated feet. Who are the other characters? -Who are the other characters? Do we have characters? How about Honeycutt, Snowflake, Rastus, Nigger, Jim, Sambo, Jungle Bunny, and how could we forget Aunt Jemima. -We gonna hit 'em wid da BOMB DICKEY on dis' one. What's the setting? "In the projects. Like Eddie Murphy's ""The PJ's.""" -"In the projects. Like Eddie Murphy's ""The PJ's.""" Ya first bad move. Projects been done. That's one of the problems now, everything, movies, TV, are set in the urban jungle, da hood. That's so tired. Mantan's Millennium Minstrel Show should be set on a plantation. In Alabama. -And every week these Alabama porch monkeys will make us cry, make us laugh, make us look at our own humanity. Make us feel good to be alive. I don't know about that plantation angle. -I don't know about that plantation angle. What are you talkin' 'bout? It's the move. Stay wid me now. We're movin' fast. What does everybody else think about this? -That'swhatI'mtalkin''bout. That'swhatI'mtalkin''bout! He's off the hiz-hook! We think so. -We think so. Sleep 'n Eat, what do you do? -"I strongly feel that a Negro should direct this. This kind of satire is a high wire act in a gale storm. One misstep and we're doing ""Amos and Andy."" Only a Negro will have the sensitivity and cultural awareness to navigate this dangerous terrain." To hire someone solely on their ethnicity, gender or religion is not right. It's un-American. I will hire someone who is most qualified for this particular job. -I was hoping to perhaps direct some episodes myself, if not the pilot soon after. I want a hot, young white director. Maybe the kid, that pheenom who just did that hot new sexy Madonna video. -I want a hot, young white director. Maybe the kid, that pheenom who just did that hot new sexy Madonna video. You're telling me some white boy is gonna direct this pilot? -You're telling me some white boy is gonna direct this pilot? I just want you to meet him. Keep an open mind. -I just want you to meet him. Keep an open mind. Besides, what does he know about Negroes? -Besides, what does he know about Negroes? Probably nuthin', but that's why it's such a sexy way to go. Sometimes an outsider has a fresh new outlook, a different unique perspective. A black director, y'know what he's gonna do given the subject matter? With this kid, the possibilities are endless. -Probably nuthin', but that's why it's such a sexy way to go. Sometimes an outsider has a fresh new outlook, a different unique perspective. A black director, y'know what he's gonna do given the subject matter? With this kid, the possibilities are endless. What are his qualifications besides being a white male and directing a hot new sexy freaky Madonna video? -What are his qualifications besides being a white male and directing a hot new sexy freaky Madonna video? "If Spielburg can direct ""The Color Purple"" and ""Amistad"", our whiz kid can direct the Mantan pilot." -"If Spielburg can direct ""The Color Purple"" and ""Amistad"", our whiz kid can direct the Mantan pilot." That's exactly my point. Has he even directed actors before in anything? -That's exactly my point. Has he even directed actors before in anything? No!!! Just meet the guy. That's all I'm asking. Look, I'll even let you choose your own musical director. You can have that. -In the immortal words of Derrick Coleman, WHOOOPDEEDAMNDOO!!! Derrick Coleman, he possessed all the talent in the world, coulda, shoulda, been a great ballplayer but alas D.C. didn't want it bad enough. Delacroix, do you want it? Bad enough to kill for it? Do you want it that much. -I'm gonna leave you two creative geniuses alone. Dunwitty, don't leave. -I will not be held responsible for these revisions. These changes are not the way I want to go. This is an outrage. This is a sham. A violation! Calm down, please. -I don't give a good goddamn about Finland, Norway, Sweden or wherever ya blond ass came from. We just punched it up a bit. Made it funnier. -We just punched it up a bit. Made it funnier. Funnier to who and at who's expense? Dunwitty, when Negroes start to run amok, the boycotts, when the demostrations commence, I'm giving them your home address. Let's see how you like it when they picket your lawn in Greenwich, Connecticut. -Funnier to who and at who's expense? Dunwitty, when Negroes start to run amok, the boycotts, when the demostrations commence, I'm giving them your home address. Let's see how you like it when they picket your lawn in Greenwich, Connecticut. I seriously doubt that will ever happen. Didn't I tell you I know your people better than you do. But if by some miracle you're correct, I'm gonna invite them inside my house and we'll have a sit down, discuss it like civil human beings. -Yo, DeLa, I just got the news from the CNS brass. They saw some clips from the pilot and they're rushing it onto the air. Yo, we're a midseason replacement, ordered 12 shows. We're on in 3 weeks. Didya hear what I just said, Yo? They didn't even view a rough cut, just some scenes we quickly cut together. -They didn't even view a rough cut, just some scenes we quickly cut together. This has to be a big mistake. -This has to be a big mistake. The big mistake was my not believing in your genius earlier. From the gitgo, from jump street. -The big mistake was my not believing in your genius earlier. From the gitgo, from jump street. Hold on a sec, I got a call. -Hold on a sec, I got a call. Hello, Mommy, let me get rid of this other call. -Hello, Mommy, let me get rid of this other call. I gots to go, it's my Moms. -I gots to go, it's my Moms. I want to meet her one day, please tell her the great news. I'm OUT like Vanilla Ice. -What do you want? I want to speak with you. -I want to speak with you. Go away, unless you got my money. -Go away, unless you got my money. It's me, Peerless. -Son. Good to seeya. Good to seeya. It's been a long time. -It's been a long time. Pull up a chair. Oh, excuse me, this is my lady DOT. -Pull up a chair. Oh, excuse me, this is my lady DOT. Pleased to meet you. -Good woman. I trained her right. Daddy, she's younger than me. -Daddy, she's younger than me. My game is still strong. No Viagra for me, don't need no chemicals. Just my tonic. -Purely for medicinal purposes. I thought you had promised Mommy you stopped. -I did. I'm not an alcoholic. I just like to drink. How did you end up here? -How did you end up here? How did I end up at the third rate chittlin' circuit greasy hole in the wall in West Hell, Virginny? Is that what you're asking ya Daddy? -That's what I'm askin'. Because I had too much pride. Too much integrity. I wouldn't lick nobody's butt. Some material I refused to do. -Because I had too much pride. Too much integrity. I wouldn't lick nobody's butt. Some material I refused to do. Daddy, it can't be just because of that. There had to be other factors. -That's the only reason, period. They only want one certain kind of black comic. Another one of your conspiracies to hold ya career back? -Another one of your conspiracies to hold ya career back? "All I know is what happened to me. All that other mess I just file into the ""life's too short"" category." -Enough about me, what's happening with you? The same old, same old. Trying to get my stuff through. -Dem white boys giving you a hard time? Nuthin' I can't handle. -Nuthin' I can't handle. The truth is never let them seeya sweat. You do that, that's half the battle. -The truth is never let them seeya sweat. You do that, that's half the battle. Where do you go from here? -Where do you go from here? Three nights Charleston, South Carolina. -Three nights Charleston, South Carolina. I didn't mean that, in life. -I didn't mean that, in life. In life? I'ma keep on living, having a good drink, got me a good young woman, make a couple of dollars and make people laugh. Haven't I always tol' you all nigga's are entertainers? The question is what are you gonna do, Peerless? -Let's get him over to the bed. Baby, you treat me so good. Peerless, you're a good son, I love you. You never gave me no trouble. -I love you too, Daddy. Always keep 'em laughing. -Glad to meet you, too. You are all your father talks about. Is that so? -How long has my father been like this? Not that often. He was excited to see you. -Not that often. He was excited to see you. So he drank himself into a stuper? -So he drank himself into a stuper? The drinking is for the pain. It doesn't kill it, just dulls it. -The drinking is for the pain. It doesn't kill it, just dulls it. So what's up with you? -So what's up with you? I was a hostess at this club, your Daddy was performing and I had never laughed so hard in my life. He asked me to come with him. I quit my job and we've been together ever since. -Don't tell him it's from me or he won't take it. Your father is proud of you. -He never showed it. He did the best way he knew how, Junebug is stubborn just like you. -How was it? Why didn't you tell me about this staff meeting? -Why didn't you tell me about this staff meeting? Nobody told me anything. -Nobody told me anything. What good are you if you don't tell me stuff like this? -What good are you if you don't tell me stuff like this? It wasn't my fault. If I would have known, I would have known. -Manray! Manray! -How did you know? It hit me like a ton of bricks. -It hit me like a ton of bricks. How can this be? You and me at the same time, the exact same thought. It's scary. -How can this be? You and me at the same time, the exact same thought. It's scary. The idea was out there in the universe. Now what? -Manray was under our nose the whole time. Do you know how you will use him? -Do you know how you will use him? Not yet, but this thing will never get made. -You lost me. Dunwitty wants a Coon show. And that's what I'm going to give him, it's going to be so racist, so negative, he won't have the balls to put it on the air. Hence I'll prove my point. -Dunwitty wants a Coon show. And that's what I'm going to give him, it's going to be so racist, so negative, he won't have the balls to put it on the air. Hence I'll prove my point. What point is that? -What point is that? The point being that him, the networks don't want Black people on television unless they are buffoons. -The point being that him, the networks don't want Black people on television unless they are buffoons. Sounds risky to me. -Sounds risky to me. You getting cold feet? -You getting cold feet? I'm in till the end. -I'm in till the end. Good. I'm going to need your support. -Good. I'm going to need your support. Can't you just quit? Walk away? -Can't you just quit? Walk away? And lose out on my money? The only way I get paid is if I get fired. And that's what I intend to do. -Maybe something happened to them. Maybe they're lying in an alley bleed to death. Manray better not be bleeding to death. I need him. After we're done he can do whatever he wants to do, until then, he's ours. -Hello. This is Cheeba. -You okay? I feel like somebody hit me upside da head with a sledgehammer. -What is your problem? My problem is MANTAN THE NEW MILLENIUM MINSTREL SHOW. -My problem is MANTAN THE NEW MILLENIUM MINSTREL SHOW. Why did you even come up with that shit if you didn't want it made? -Why did you even come up with that shit if you didn't want it made? It was the principle. Dunwitty had to be enlightened. I was making a point. I take pride in my work. Plus, I already told you I wasn't gonna walk away from my money. -It was the principle. Dunwitty had to be enlightened. I was making a point. I take pride in my work. Plus, I already told you I wasn't gonna walk away from my money. Fuck da money. Why do through all this effort? Why? Are you looking for love from Dunwitty? For respect? Dunwitty and his likes don't give a goddamn about you. So now what are you gonna do? -Even if money wasn't an issue, Dunwitty will still go ahead without me and that could be more dangerous. What's the chances of MANTAN being picked up? -What's the chances of MANTAN being picked up? I wouldn't bet against it. My Negroidal ass is stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. -I wouldn't bet against it. My Negroidal ass is stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Like I said, all this for some twisted, distorted sense of principal. Dunwitty, he just tolerates your Negroidal ass, he doesn't respect it. -Good morning, for those of you who don't know me, I'm Pierre Delacroix. I'm running things and this here is my assistant Sloan Hopkins. Hello. -Hello. I've never worked with any of you and you've never worked with me so we'll be starting from scratch. I'm a fair person, a straight shooter and I don't hold my tongue. Everybody up in here should know I had nothing to do with you being hired. -This is the group I was telling you about. Which one is your brother? -Which one is your brother? The big one. -You've said that already. I'm gonna slit my wrists. Cut my throat. For the love of Joseph. -Just want to say good luck. Break a leg. -Your life will never be the same. Let's leave the man in peace so he can get ready. -Let's leave the man in peace so he can get ready. We both lied to him. -We both lied to him. What do you want me to say? -What do you want me to say? Just don't lie to me. -Same here. The pleasure is mine. -I want to apologize about my brother and the Mau-Mau's. I should not have imposed them on you. C'mon. You were only doing what family is supposed to be doing for family. You gave your brother a shot. That's all anybody can ask for, an opportunity, a chance, a shot. He got his. -Who's side are you on? I'm sorry, I can't help it. It's too funny. -What would their reaction be? I hadn't the foggiest. Everybody shut up. -So you have your small victory, now what? A small victory isn't that small when you've been use to losing. -What is this? A gift. -A gift. For what? -For what? No matter what you think, you did come up with something unique. Open it. -The Jolly Nigger Bank. This is authentic, not a repro, circa turn of the century. -This is authentic, not a repro, circa turn of the century. Thanks. -Thanks. I thought it was appropiate. -I thought it was appropiate. Is that good or bad? -Is that good or bad? It's all good. You got a hit show, you're gonna need a bank. Plus, I love these old black collectibles. -It's all good. You got a hit show, you're gonna need a bank. Plus, I love these old black collectibles. How so? -How so? To me, it shows part of our history in this country, a time when we were considered inferior, sub-human. -Why'd you do that? I don't want to hear it. -I don't want to hear it. How long have you and Hambone been hangin' out? -How long have you and Hambone been hangin' out? You're the one that put us together. We're friends. -You're the one that put us together. We're friends. That crazy brother of yours doesn't think so. -That crazy brother of yours doesn't think so. He's just playing big brother. -He's just playing big brother. Oh, is he? You getting jiggy with Mantan? -Oh, is he? You getting jiggy with Mantan? Please don't go there. -Please don't go there. Dunwitty and I feel you've been getting too close to him, getting his mind all messed up. -Dunwitty and I feel you've been getting too close to him, getting his mind all messed up. I can't lie to him. If he asks me something, I tell him what I think. -I can't lie to him. If he asks me something, I tell him what I think. Do you have to be so damn forthright? -DeLa, you should try it sometime. Come into the light. Light? -Light? That which has been hidden in darkness is now in the light. This bucket of blood. -That which has been hidden in darkness is now in the light. This bucket of blood. You can talk all that mumbo jumbo if you want to but your hands are much bloody. I know where I made my big mistake. I have a general rule, never get involved romantically with somebody crazier than you. -This is crazy. That's why it will be so much fun. -That was a mistake, but I don't regret it. The first and only time. A big mistake. I'm gonna have to ask you not to see Mantan anymore. -The first and only time. A big mistake. I'm gonna have to ask you not to see Mantan anymore. Work related or otherwise? -Otherwise. I trust you know the difference. You're an intelligent woman, finished at NYU. DeLa, kiss my big black ass. -DeLa, kiss my big black ass. And that's how you got me in the first place. -Don't make me have to use this. I didn't think this was in your studies at NYU. -I told you but you wouldn't listen. You never listened to me. Give me the gun. -Yes, your name? He, I'm Mona. -He, I'm Mona. Hi, Mona. -Hi, Mona. I perfectly understand where you're coming from. As a minority I can relate to your struggle also. But I think you should give us all a chance. We want this pilot to be successful just as much as you. Please don't be so quick to judge us based only on our whiteness. -I perfectly understand where you're coming from. As a minority I can relate to your struggle also. But I think you should give us all a chance. We want this pilot to be successful just as much as you. Please don't be so quick to judge us based only on our whiteness. Oh, is that what I'm doing? -This thing was rigged, the deck was stacked, the fix was in. Could Don King be near? Good thing Sloan had my back. She's my rock. This was going to be a whole lot of work. David, I appreciate your comments. Anybody got an ideas? Everybody just talk out loud. -David, I appreciate your comments. Anybody got an ideas? Everybody just talk out loud. "I've always liked the format of Rowan and Martin's ""LAUGH-IN.""" -I'm happy for all of us. It's just we have a great responsibility now. The pressure is on. Pressure? DeLa, you don't know what the hell real pressure is. SHEEETT!!! This is lightstuff. Now when you scramblin' out on the street in da January winter and the hawk is talkin' to you with NO money and NO prospects of money anytime soon, now that there is some pressure. -Pressure? DeLa, you don't know what the hell real pressure is. SHEEETT!!! This is lightstuff. Now when you scramblin' out on the street in da January winter and the hawk is talkin' to you with NO money and NO prospects of money anytime soon, now that there is some pressure. I didn't mean it to sound like that. -That's the way it came out. Let me ask you one question. Have you ever been in want, in need your entire privileged life? Now I'm privileged?! Why? Because I didn't grow up on food stamps and welfare? Because I didn't call home a cardboard box? No, I never ever went to bed hungry and I'm proud of it, too. Whoever told you that living in poverty earns you somekind of badge of honor flat out lied to you. -Now I'm privileged?! Why? Because I didn't grow up on food stamps and welfare? Because I didn't call home a cardboard box? No, I never ever went to bed hungry and I'm proud of it, too. Whoever told you that living in poverty earns you somekind of badge of honor flat out lied to you. The point I'm trying to make is that this is a blessing. It's going to be fun doing this show and we should all look at it that way. -Can I kiss you too? Naw. I'll take the zero. -Naw. I'll take the zero. You feel good, not nervous? -You feel good, not nervous? I feel fine. -I feel fine. Not nervous? Relaxed? -Not nervous? Relaxed? Sloan, will you take your boss out of here so I can get ready. -So they can be on TV. You sound like the media. -You sound like the media. This is nothing. It will blow over by tomorrow. -This is nothing. It will blow over by tomorrow. Same thing Giuliani said. -Same thing Giuliani said. Tomorrow it will be all about cruelty to animals or some sex scandal. Besides, there is no such thing as bad publicity. -No joke. Serious. Hope the same thing doesn't happen to me. That's some big shoes to fill. -Hope the same thing doesn't happen to me. That's some big shoes to fill. In time. -What are you? A man or a mouse? Are you a punk? Punking out on me? No. -No. You getting scared because some people don't like what you are doing? -You getting scared because some people don't like what you are doing? Yo, DeLa, they tried to lynch my black ass up in dat piece. -You've made it from the guttermost to the uppermost. Don't you know you should never let them see you sweat. Y'knowwhatI'msayin'? Yeah. -Yeah. And now is definitely not the time to bitch up. -You shouldn't even be mad at me over Sloan. What you did is dead wrong. -What you did is dead wrong. Oh, is it? Buddy boy, in this business if people don't produce, they get fired. -Oh, is it? Buddy boy, in this business if people don't produce, they get fired. Sloan is the hardest working person I've ever met. -Sloan is the hardest working person I've ever met. Let me ask you a question, if I may. How do you think she got the job in the first place? I don't mean to burst your bubble, Mantan the Marvelous, but Sloan is an opportunity. -Let me ask you a question, if I may. How do you think she got the job in the first place? I don't mean to burst your bubble, Mantan the Marvelous, but Sloan is an opportunity. I don't believe it. -I don't believe it. Do I have to spell it out for you? In fact, go ask Sloan yourself. -Mantan, we got a show to tape. My name is Manray, goddamnit. -My name is Manray, goddamnit. Kook and the Gang, it's Manray. Let's do the taping. You go back to your dressing room, get dressed and blacken up. -You must think I'm some kind of fool. It looks delicious. -It looks delicious. You hear me talkin' to you. The only time you come up here when something is wrong. -You hear me talkin' to you. The only time you come up here when something is wrong. C'mon, Mommy, don't start with that I'm an ungrateful son stuff. -C'mon, Mommy, don't start with that I'm an ungrateful son stuff. I said no such thing. All I said is that something must be wrong. -How's the food? Can't beat it with a hammer. Well, since you asked, it looks like I may have a new show, a pilot being shot. -Can't beat it with a hammer. Well, since you asked, it looks like I may have a new show, a pilot being shot. That's wonderful. Isn't that what you always wanted, a show of your own? -It was. It is. But this is a different kind of show. If at first it's not what you want, just work that much harder, Peerless. -If at first it's not what you want, just work that much harder, Peerless. Mommy, please don't call me that. -Mommy, please don't call me that. Son, Peerless is your name. Now you might be one of these Hollywood types, change your name and all that but Peerless Dothan is on your birth certificate. -Son, Peerless is your name. Now you might be one of these Hollywood types, change your name and all that but Peerless Dothan is on your birth certificate. I know what's on my birth certificate. You heard from Daddy? -I know what's on my birth certificate. You heard from Daddy? I guess he's still on the road. What kind of show is this? Are they some Negroes in it without being buffoons? -I guess he's still on the road. What kind of show is this? Are they some Negroes in it without being buffoons? To answer your question, there are a lot of Negroes in it and what is your definition of buffoons? -To answer your question, there are a lot of Negroes in it and what is your definition of buffoons? Peerless, I didn't raise a buffoon. We have enough of those on television already. -Peerless, I didn't raise a buffoon. We have enough of those on television already. Please let me know when you hear from Daddy, get a number or something. -Please let me know when you hear from Daddy, get a number or something. I will. And good luck with your show. I hope it's a huge success. You've worked very hard. You deserve it. -Peerless, your father called. I'll be right over. -He wants you to come and see him. He said that? -He said that? Yes he did. -Yes he did. Where is he? -Where is he? He's performing at some place outside of Richmond, Virginia. -He's performing at some place outside of Richmond, Virginia. I can't go all the way down south. -Richmond is not all the way down south. I don't even know why you're still concerned over him. Daddy's not with you. -I don't even know why you're still concerned over him. Daddy's not with you. Regardless, he still is your father. -Regardless, he still is your father. It's gonna be hard for me to get away with the show taking off. -It's gonna be hard for me to get away with the show taking off. Even more reason to see him. He'll be overjoyed with your success. -Even more reason to see him. He'll be overjoyed with your success. C'mon, Mommy. Daddy hasn't been impressed with anything I've ever done. From winning my fifth grade Spelling Bee to the present. -C'mon, Mommy. Daddy hasn't been impressed with anything I've ever done. From winning my fifth grade Spelling Bee to the present. Peerless, last time, go see your father. -I'm doing okay. Been reading about your show, it's all over everywhere. I watched it's all over everywhere. I watched it once. I thought you said there would be no buffoonery. You going to attack me too. The show is a hit. Aren't you happy for me? -You going to attack me too. The show is a hit. Aren't you happy for me? Of course I'm happy for you. You've worked very hard for your success. -Of course I'm happy for you. You've worked very hard for your success. Yes I have, very hard. Has Daddy called? -Yes I have, very hard. Has Daddy called? No. -No. Not at all? -Not at all? You know how your Daddy is. -You know how your Daddy is. If and when he calls, please don't forget to ask him if he's seen Mantan. -If and when he calls, please don't forget to ask him if he's seen Mantan. I won't forget. When are you coming up here to see your mother? -I won't forget. When are you coming up here to see your mother? Soon. -Nice to meet you. If you don't mind me asking you - how old are you? I just turned twenty. -Where are you from? Helsinki, which is the capital of Finland. -Helsinki, which is the capital of Finland. Finland. -Finland. You know, Finlandia vodka? Yes? -You know, Finlandia vodka? Yes? Yes, I know. Jukka, have you ever seen a Negro person before? Even had a real conversation with a real Negro before? -Yes, I know. Jukka, have you ever seen a Negro person before? Even had a real conversation with a real Negro before? What's a Negro. -A fiasco. A disaster. A boondoggle. An abomination. Did you just ask me what's a Negro? I'M A NEGRO!!! -Did you just ask me what's a Negro? I'M A NEGRO!!! Ahhh!!! I never heard of that term before. I thought you were BLACK of African-American. No? -Ahhh!!! I never heard of that term before. I thought you were BLACK of African-American. No? Well before there was BLACK or AFRICAN AMERICAN, there were NEGROES. I'M A NEGRO. -Well before there was BLACK or AFRICAN AMERICAN, there were NEGROES. I'M A NEGRO. Thank you for correcting my ignorance. I'm looking forward to working side by side with you. I feel we make a good team. -How did you get this gig? My visual style is very erotic, sexy, how do you say - hot? -My visual style is very erotic, sexy, how do you say - hot? This is a TV show, not a music video. -This is a TV show, not a music video. Then will you teach me what I need to know. Maybe we learn from each other, if that's possible, no? -Then will you teach me what I need to know. Maybe we learn from each other, if that's possible, no? This is a travesty. A debacle. -Good luck, Jukka. Do a good show. Thank you very much. I always try my best. -I know all of you have seen the overnight ratings. Through the roof. But in this game you gotta be one, two, three steps ahead. I introduce you to Myrna Goldfarb. She's the best media consultant in the biz. First, I would like to say I love the show. It's very courageous. My parents marched in Selma, Alabama with Dr. King. -Myrna is here to help us plan our strategy. The best defense is offense. -"The Mantan Manifesto. Catchy ain't it? Number One. We gainfully employ African Americans, in front of and behind the cameras. Two. Let the audience decide. Three. Who put these critics in charge? These so-called cultural police? Four. Who determines what is black? Five. Mantan is a satire. Six. If they can't take a joke, ""F"" 'em." We all stick to this, it's smooth sailing. -Let Myrna finish. Thank you. And always smile. -Yes you! This show was created, conceived by you, a non-threatening African- American male. Voila. End of argument. It can't be racist because you're black. -I never had a really real pair before. You've never had any formal training, either? -You've never had any formal training, either? Not a class, not a thing, just picked stuff up by myself. -Not a class, not a thing, just picked stuff up by myself. I wish I had your natural talent. God only makes that visit once in a while. -I wish I had your natural talent. God only makes that visit once in a while. You sing and dance? -You sing and dance? A little. I just graduated from NYU film school. Cinema studies. -A little. I just graduated from NYU film school. Cinema studies. So what's up with you and DeLa? -So what's up with you and DeLa? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Are you and him kicking it? Knocking boots. Y'knowwhatI'mtalkin'bout. -No, we're not knocking boots. I got this internship while I still was at NYU, DeLa was impressed with my get up and go and hired me to be his assistant. I'm sure that was the only thing he was impressed with. You look beautiful like that. -I'm sure that was the only thing he was impressed with. You look beautiful like that. If that was suppose to be a compliment, I thank you. -If that was suppose to be a compliment, I thank you. You're welcome. You shouldn't give up on performing. -You're welcome. You shouldn't give up on performing. Why do you say that? You've never seen me. -Why do you say that? You've never seen me. I think that would probably make you the happiest. When I'm hoofing, I mean really doing my thing, hitting it, nothing compares to that feeling in the world. -I think that would probably make you the happiest. When I'm hoofing, I mean really doing my thing, hitting it, nothing compares to that feeling in the world. I envy you. That's the way I want to feel about my work. -Our guest tonight is the extraordinary, talented performer, Mantan. Thanks for coming in. Tavis, thank you for having me. -Tavis, thank you for having me. Before we begin, I want to thank you for coming on my show for your first television interview. You could have chosen Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters, Jane Pauley, whatnot but you're here. -Before we begin, I want to thank you for coming on my show for your first television interview. You could have chosen Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters, Jane Pauley, whatnot but you're here. I'm more comfortable around my people. -I'm more comfortable around my people. Let's jump right into it. Your show has sparked a world of controversy, provoked a tone of dialogue. How do you see all of this? -Let's jump right into it. Your show has sparked a world of controversy, provoked a tone of dialogue. How do you see all of this? "Yo, Tavis, check it out. This is the two-one, the 21st century and it's all about the money. Like my man Mase says, ""it's all about the Benjamins.""" -Money and nothing else? Money makes the world go round. It ain't no joke being poor. I know whatI'mtalkin''bout. Y'knowwhatI'msayin'? I've lived on the street. I've been homeless. I've learned how to play the game, work the game, be in the game. -Money makes the world go round. It ain't no joke being poor. I know whatI'mtalkin''bout. Y'knowwhatI'msayin'? I've lived on the street. I've been homeless. I've learned how to play the game, work the game, be in the game. Is it inevitable that the game plays you? -Is it inevitable that the game plays you? No if you go with the flow, Tavis. That's what a lot of Negroes don't understand. Protesting isn't gonna do a damn thing. If people don't like our satire in our number one hit show then don't watch it. Or better yet write your own show. Do it better. -No if you go with the flow, Tavis. That's what a lot of Negroes don't understand. Protesting isn't gonna do a damn thing. If people don't like our satire in our number one hit show then don't watch it. Or better yet write your own show. Do it better. Don't you feel that is a simplistic retort? -Don't you feel that is a simplistic retort? I don't know what a retort is, but it's simple. Mantan - The New Millennium Minstrel Show is UNIVERSAL. It's not just for Negroes in Compton or 125th in Harlem. This is America. Our ancestors helped build this country, we got a right, just like everybody else. I'm not gonna box myself in. This show makes people think, and they're laughing at the same time. -I don't know what a retort is, but it's simple. Mantan - The New Millennium Minstrel Show is UNIVERSAL. It's not just for Negroes in Compton or 125th in Harlem. This is America. Our ancestors helped build this country, we got a right, just like everybody else. I'm not gonna box myself in. This show makes people think, and they're laughing at the same time. I admit, that's a very hard thing to do. Quickly let's go to the phones before we pay the bills and hear from our proud sponsors, DA BOMB. 125% PURE PLEASURE MALT LIQUOR. IT MAKES YOU WANNA GET YA FREAK ON AND TIMMI HILLNIGGER. 125% AUTHENTIC GIT-TOE GEAR WHEN YOU WANT TO BE GIT-TOED FABULOUS. -This is my best friend Sleep 'N Eat. And this is my very best friend Mantan. -We both left the hustle and bustle of Uptown, Harlem... ...the big apple, New York, New York. -...the big apple, New York, New York. To come back to our roots. -To come back to our roots. Our Alabamy Home. Now we're getting countrified. We is Bama's. -Our Alabamy Home. Now we're getting countrified. We is Bama's. "No mo' ""city slickers."" Ahh, can't you smell the sweet aroma of the ripe watermelons and high cotton?" -"No mo' ""city slickers."" Ahh, can't you smell the sweet aroma of the ripe watermelons and high cotton?" Tell 'em what you mean Mistuh Mantan. -Tell 'em what you mean Mistuh Mantan. Well, thank you Mistuh Sleep 'N Eat. -Well, thank you Mistuh Sleep 'N Eat. Give or cousins some of dem educated feets. -Cousins, I want all of you to go to your windows. Go to your windows and yell. Yell, I'm tired of the drugs, the crack babies born out of wedlock to crackhead aids infested parents. I'm tired of the inflated welfare rolls while good wholesome Americans bring less and less of their paycheck home every two weeks. I'm tired, you're tired, we're all tired of these so-called bible- thumping God fearing, whore mongling Professional athletes. Aren't you tired of these basketball-dunking, football-running, hop-hip rapping ebonic-speaking sex offenders who got ten kids from ten different Ho's? I know I am and so is Sleep 'N Eat. You tellin' the truth. -You tellin' the truth. Go to your windows and yell out, scream with all the life you can muster up inside your assaulted, bruised and battered bodies. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF NIGGERS AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE! -Y'know my lady Lucindy? The one with da big... -The one with da big... Not her, the one with the little... -Not her, the one with the little... Oh her. -Oh her. Tomorrow is her birthday and I want to get her something really nice, like a... -No, not that. How 'bout... She hates dem. -She hates dem. Too bad. How 'bout a dress? -Too bad. How 'bout a dress? Sleep 'N Eat, one of dem slinky, sexy, little foxy... -Sleep 'N Eat, one of dem slinky, sexy, little foxy... Mantan, way too short, too tight. Get her one of dose... -Mantan, way too short, too tight. Get her one of dose... ...to big. The in-between one, not too tight, not too lose. -...to big. The in-between one, not too tight, not too lose. That'll work. I just bought one for myself. -Not for me, my woolly headed cotton pickin' friend for... I thought you got rid of... -I thought you got rid of... ...that was Vicki, her best friend. Dat dress will cast ya round... -...that was Vicki, her best friend. Dat dress will cast ya round... ...dat's too much money. I can't 'ford it. I needs me a dress that cost no mo' than... -...dat's too much money. I can't 'ford it. I needs me a dress that cost no mo' than... ...aconite get it dat cheap. -...aconite get it dat cheap. I'll buy her a less expensive dress, so I can have some money left over to take her out to dinner. -I'll buy her a less expensive dress, so I can have some money left over to take her out to dinner. We should go out on a double date. -I heard ya lady is wild. No. That's her second cousin. Who's married to Li'l Bit. -No. That's her second cousin. Who's married to Li'l Bit. Oh, because on our first date, she let me... -Oh, because on our first date, she let me... ...no, she didn't... -...no, she didn't... ...yes she did. -...yes she did. ...I heard different, thought that was... -...I heard different, thought that was... ...not that time... -...not that time... So when are you comin' to pick us up? -So when are you comin' to pick us up? Around... -Around... ...too early... -...too early... ...then what about... -...then what about... ...too late, maybe around... -...too late, maybe around... ...perfect... -...perfect... That's what I like about you and me. We git along... -That's what I like about you and me. We git along... ...like macaroni and cheese... -...like macaroni and cheese... ...like grits and butter... -...like grits and butter... ...like fried and chicken... -I fell out of my bed last night. You slept too near where you got in? -You slept too near where you got in? I slept too near where I fell out. -I slept too near where I fell out. You expect the unexpected in circumstances of that peculiarity. -Sleep 'N Eat, what's the matter with you? Using all dose ten dollar words? Mantan, it is possible that my hyphenated sentences are entirely too complex for all the intellect contained in that diminutive coconut? -Mantan, it is possible that my hyphenated sentences are entirely too complex for all the intellect contained in that diminutive coconut? Hold on, you allegorical hypothesis. Don't cross words with me. -Hold on, you allegorical hypothesis. Don't cross words with me. Ain't Jemima on the pancake box? -Ain't Jemima on the pancake box? Dat's yo Uncle Ben. That reminds me, I've seen a lot of troubles lately. -Dat's yo Uncle Ben. That reminds me, I've seen a lot of troubles lately. How be dat? -How be dat? I don't know who I am. -I don't know who I am. Well, I'll be an Alabama porch monkey's uncle. -Well, I'll be an Alabama porch monkey's uncle. Years ago I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love with my stepdaughter and married her. Thusly he became my son-in-law and my stepdaughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. Soon after dis my wife gave birth to a son, which of course was my father's brother in-law and my uncle, for he was the brother of my step-mother. My father's wife also became the mother of a son. He was of course my brother and also my grandchild for he was the son of my daughter. Accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. -Sleep 'N Eat, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo' and behold, as the husband of a person's grandmother is his grandfather, I Mantan, became my own grandfather. Mantan, dat sho' is a whopper. -I feel a song a comin' on. A song a comin' I feel. -People show their happiness in a lot of different ways. Well, homeboy, looks like he's at a funeral. -A lot? Enough. -So what's up with you? What do you want to know? -What do you want to know? The good stuff. -The good stuff. I'm an asthmatic. Been one all my life. Can't go anywhere without an inhaler. -I'm an asthmatic. Been one all my life. Can't go anywhere without an inhaler. What else? -What else? Are you trying to rap to me? -This is a nice place. It must have cost a pretty penny. Sloan, I got it like 'dat. -Sloan, I got it like 'dat. Oh you do, huh? -Oh you do, huh? Just a little something' somethin'. -Just a little something' somethin'. I hope you save a little somethin' somethin'. -I hope you save a little somethin' somethin'. Gots no intention of ending up broke. -Gots no intention of ending up broke. Y'know, at the beginnin' of the century, African-American had to perform in blackface. You ever heard of Bert Williams? He was a great artist. -Y'know, at the beginnin' of the century, African-American had to perform in blackface. You ever heard of Bert Williams? He was a great artist. No, before my time. -No, before my time. You don't read, do you? -You don't read, do you? Never read a book in my whole life. -Never read a book in my whole life. Maybe you need to start. -Maybe you need to start. Maybe I need to do a lot of things. -Maybe I need to do a lot of things. Bert Williams and the rest, they had to black up. They had no choice. They were considered 3/5ths of a human being. Did you know that's written in the Constitution of the United States? -Why all of a sudden are you flippin' on me? This blackface thing was part of the deal from the git-go. Don't even try to play it like you ain't a part of all this. You down with Delacroix. I just don't want you and Cheeba to get hurt. -I just don't want you and Cheeba to get hurt. We can look out for ourselves. -Why don't you call him? For what? He left. Not me. -You're sure this is a good idea. My people love me. -I'll be down front. You better start putting your face on. Y'know what? -Y'know what? What? -What? You look beautiful like that. -How did you get this gig? Worked my black ass off, first as an intern, then worked my way up to this position. -Worked my black ass off, first as an intern, then worked my way up to this position. You leave something out? -You leave something out? After my internship expired, Dela was impressed and offered me a position as his assistant. -After my internship expired, Dela was impressed and offered me a position as his assistant. And? -And? And what? -And what? Stop playing me Sloan. -Stop playing me Sloan. Just ask me what you want to know. -Just ask me what you want to know. Oh, you gonna make me say it. -Oh, you gonna make me say it. Say what, Manray? -Say what, Manray? Did you ever sleep with DeLa? -Did you ever sleep with DeLa? We did it one time, only once. It had nothing to do with the job, it was stupid. Everything I've got I've earned. -We did it one time, only once. It had nothing to do with the job, it was stupid. Everything I've got I've earned. Aw, c'mon. -Aw, c'mon. That's ancient history. That has nothing to do with you and I. -"So you say. Sloan, you wuz gonna use me up just like you used Dela? Work it to the top. I never imagined people in this biz could flip on you like ""IHOP."" I'm damn happy DeLa fired ya ass." Forget about me, are you a puppet for DeLa? -Forget about me, are you a puppet for DeLa? Don't try to change to the subject. -Don't try to change to the subject. Why don't you answer? -Why don't you answer? I know I won't be your puppet. -I know I won't be your puppet. You can go now. -You can go now. I wuz leaving anyway, for good. -Good day to you, young sir. Good morning. -Good morning. Where are you bound for? -Where are you bound for? That is none of your business. -That is none of your business. Is your mother not afraid on account of the highwayman to let one so young as you travel? -Is your mother not afraid on account of the highwayman to let one so young as you travel? Not at all, sir. I have a pair of good pistols that have already done execution, and are ready to do it again. -And, I'll tell you what, Mr. Dugan, I've been insulted grossly in this house. I ain't at all satisfied with these here ways of going on. I'm an Englishman, I am, and a man of property; and I -- I -- If you're insulted, and not satisfied, remember there's two of us, Best. -Both of us ride home with Best here. I'm not afraid of highwaymen. My man is armed, and so am I. -I'm not afraid of highwaymen. My man is armed, and so am I. You know the use of arms very well, Best, and no one can doubt your courage; but Michael and I will see you home for all that. -There's nothing else for it. Take your ground, Grogan -- twelve paces, I suppose? Ten, sir, and make them short ones, do you hear, Captain Grogan? -Ten, sir, and make them short ones, do you hear, Captain Grogan? Don't bully, Mr. Best. Here are the pistols. God bless you, my boy; and when I count three, fire. -Hoity-toity! John Best, what's the matter here? I'll tell you what it is, Mr. Dugan. I have had enough of Miss Dugan here and your Irish ways. I ain't used to 'em, sir. -I'll tell you what it is, Mr. Dugan. I have had enough of Miss Dugan here and your Irish ways. I ain't used to 'em, sir. Well, well! What is it? We'll make you used to our ways, or adopt English ones. -Well, well! What is it? We'll make you used to our ways, or adopt English ones. It's not the English way, for ladies to have two lovers, and, so, Mr. Dugan, I'll thank you to pay me the sum you owe me, and I resign all claims to this young lady. If she has a fancy for school-boys, let her take 'em, sir. -It's not the English way, for ladies to have two lovers, and, so, Mr. Dugan, I'll thank you to pay me the sum you owe me, and I resign all claims to this young lady. If she has a fancy for school-boys, let her take 'em, sir. Pooh! Pooh! Best, you are joking. -Pooh! Pooh! Best, you are joking. I never was more in earnest. -My companion treated me with great civility, and asked me a thousand questions about England, which I answered as best I might. But this best, I am bound to say, was bad enough. I knew nothing about England, and I invented a thousand stories which I told him; described the king and the ministers to him, said the British ambassador in Berlin was my uncle, and promised my acquaintance a letter of recommendation to him. What is your uncle's name? -What is your uncle's name? O'Grady. -O'Grady. Oh, yes, of course, Ambassador O'Grady... -This is a very good inn. Shall we stop for dinner? This may be a very good inn for Germany, but it would not pass in old Ireland. Corbach is only a league off, let us push on for Corbach. -This may be a very good inn for Germany, but it would not pass in old Ireland. Corbach is only a league off, let us push on for Corbach. Do you want to see the loveliest woman in Europe? -Ah! You sly rogue, I see that will influence you. The place seems more a farm than an inn-yard. -The place seems more a farm than an inn-yard. The people are great farmers, as well as inn-keepers. -Where's the beauty you promised me? It was my joke. I was tired, and did not care to go farther. There's not prettier woman here than that. If she won't suit your fancy, my friend, then you must wait awhile. -Upon my word, sir, I think you have acted very coolly. I have acted as I think fit. -I have acted as I think fit. Sir, I'm a British officer. -Sir, I'm a British officer. It's a lie! You're a deserter! You're an impostor, sir; Your lies and folly have confirmed this to me. You pretend to carry dispatches to a general who has been dead these ten months; you have an uncle who is an ambassador and whose name you don't know. Will you join and take the bounty, sir, or will you be given up? -It's a lie! You're a deserter! You're an impostor, sir; Your lies and folly have confirmed this to me. You pretend to carry dispatches to a general who has been dead these ten months; you have an uncle who is an ambassador and whose name you don't know. Will you join and take the bounty, sir, or will you be given up? Neither! -Good morning, Private James. Please come in. I should like you to meet my uncle, Herr Minister of Police Galgenstein. How do you do, sir? -The captain was the nephew and heir of the Minister of Police, Herr Galgenstein, a relationship which, no doubt, aided in the younger gentlemen's promotion. Your loyalty to me and your service to the regiment has pleased me very well -- and now there is another occasion on which you may make yourself useful to us; if you succeed, depend on it, your reward will be your discharge from the army, and a bounty of 100 guineas. -Your loyalty to me and your service to the regiment has pleased me very well -- and now there is another occasion on which you may make yourself useful to us; if you succeed, depend on it, your reward will be your discharge from the army, and a bounty of 100 guineas. What is the service, sir? -What is the service, sir? There is lately come to Berlin a gentleman in the service of the Empress Queen, who calls himself the Chevalier de Belle Fast, and wears the red riband and star of the pope's order of the Spur. He is made for good society, polished, obliging, a libertine, without prejudices, fond of women, of good food, of high play, prudent and discreet. -You are a Hungarian; you served in the army, and left on account of weakness in the loins. He gambles a great deal, and wins. Do you know the cards well? Only a very little, as soldiers do. -Only a very little, as soldiers do. I had thought you more expert. You must find out if the Chevalier cheats. He sees the English and Austrian envoys continually, and the young men of either ministry sup repeatedly at his house. Find out what they talk of, for how much each plays, especially if any of them play on parole. If you are able to, read his private letters, though about those which go to the post, you need not trouble yourself -- we look at them there. But never see him write a note without finding out to whom it goes, and by what channel or messenger. He sleeps with the keys of his dispatch-box with a string around his neck -- twenty frederics, if you get an impression of the keys. -What are the Chevalier's intentions? I am not sure. The Prince told him quite clearly that if he wished to have the money, he would have to fight for it. -Has he sent the challenge yet? Not yet, but I believe he intends to. -You say he drives after breakfast and before dinner. When he comes out to his carriage a couple of gendarmes will mount the box, and the coachman will get his orders to move on. And his baggage? -And his baggage? Oh! That will be sent after him. I have a fancy to look into that red box which contains his papers, you say; and at noon, after parade, shall be at the inn. You will not say a word to any one there regarding the affair, and will wait for me at the Chevalier's rooms until my arrival. We must force that box. You are a clumsy hound, or you would have got the key long ago. -This is a pretty way to recommend yourself to the family. The man that marries Dorothy Dugan must first kill me -- do you mind that? -Dorothy might love me or not, as she likes, but Best will have to fight me before he marries her! Faith, I think you are a lad that's likely to keep your word. -A pretty day's work of it you have made, Master Roderick. Knowing your uncle to be distressed for money, and try and break off a match which will bring fifteen hundred a-year into the family? Best has promised to pay off the four thousand pounds which is bothering your uncle so. He takes a girl without a penny -- a girl that has been flinging herself at the head of every man in these parts these ten years past, and missing them all, and a boy who ought to be attached to your uncle as to your father. And so I am. -And so I am. And this is the return you make for his kindness! Didn't he harbor you in his house when your father died, and hasn't he given you and your mother, rent-free, your fine house of Jamesville yonder? -And this is the return you make for his kindness! Didn't he harbor you in his house when your father died, and hasn't he given you and your mother, rent-free, your fine house of Jamesville yonder? Mark this, come what will of it, I swear I will fight the man who pretends to the hand of Dorothy Dugan. I'll follow him if it's into the church, and meet him there. I'll have his blood, or he shall have mine. Will you take my message to him, and arrange the meeting? -Mark this, come what will of it, I swear I will fight the man who pretends to the hand of Dorothy Dugan. I'll follow him if it's into the church, and meet him there. I'll have his blood, or he shall have mine. Will you take my message to him, and arrange the meeting? Well, if it must be, it must. For a young fellow, you are the most bloodthirsty I ever saw. No officer, bearing His Majesty's commission, can receive a glass of wine on his nose, without resenting it -- fight you must, and Best is a huge, strong fellow. -Well, if it must be, it must. For a young fellow, you are the most bloodthirsty I ever saw. No officer, bearing His Majesty's commission, can receive a glass of wine on his nose, without resenting it -- fight you must, and Best is a huge, strong fellow. He'll give the better mark. I am not afraid of him. -He'll give the better mark. I am not afraid of him. In faith, I believe you are not; for a lad I never saw more game in my life. Give me a kiss, my dear boy. You're after my own soul. As long as Jack Grogan lives, you shall never want a friend or a second. -Have you taken my message to him? The meeting is arranged. Captain Best is waiting for you now. -The meeting is arranged. Captain Best is waiting for you now. My mare is saddled and ready; who's the captain's second? -My mare is saddled and ready; who's the captain's second? Your cousins go out with him. -That's a very handsome sword you have there. It was with this sword that my late father, Harry James, God rest his soul, met Sir Huddelstone Fuddelstone, the Hampshire baronet, and was fatally run through the neck. He was quite in the wrong, having insulted Lady Fuddelstone, when in liquor, at the Brentford Assembly. But, like a gentleman, he scorned to apologize. -It was with this sword that my late father, Harry James, God rest his soul, met Sir Huddelstone Fuddelstone, the Hampshire baronet, and was fatally run through the neck. He was quite in the wrong, having insulted Lady Fuddelstone, when in liquor, at the Brentford Assembly. But, like a gentleman, he scorned to apologize. And now you risk the same fate. If you are killed, your mother is all alone in the world. -And now you risk the same fate. If you are killed, your mother is all alone in the world. I am Harry James' son, and will act as becomes my name and quality. -I hope to spoil this sport, and trust to see this sword of mine in that big bully's body. Oh, it's with pistols we fight. You are no match for Best with the sword. -Oh, it's with pistols we fight. You are no match for Best with the sword. I'll match any man with the sword. -I'll match any man with the sword. But swords are today impossible; Captain Best is -- is lame. He knocked his knee against the swinging park gate last night, as he was riding home, and can scarce move it now. -But swords are today impossible; Captain Best is -- is lame. He knocked his knee against the swinging park gate last night, as he was riding home, and can scarce move it now. Not against Castle Dugan gate, that has been off the hinges these ten years. -Not against Castle Dugan gate, that has been off the hinges these ten years. It must have been some other gate. -Look here, Roderick, my boy; this is silly business. The girl will marry Best, mark my words; and as sure as she does, you'll forget her. You are but a boy. Best is willing to consider you as such. Dublin's a fine place, and if you have a mind to take a ride thither and see the town for a month, here are twenty guineas at your service. Make Best an apology, and be off. A man of honor dies, but never apologizes. I'll see the captain hanged before I apologize. -Grogan gave me a wink of recognition, but offered no public token of acquaintance and it was not until two days afterwards that he called me into his quarters, and then, shaking hands with me cordially, gave me news which I wanted, of my family. I had news of you in Dublin. Faith, you've begun early, like your father's son, but I think you could not do better than as you have done. But why did you not write home to your poor mother? She has sent half-a-dozen letters to you in Dublin. -I had news of you in Dublin. Faith, you've begun early, like your father's son, but I think you could not do better than as you have done. But why did you not write home to your poor mother? She has sent half-a-dozen letters to you in Dublin. I suppose she addressed them to me in my real name, by which I never thought to ask for them at the post office. -I suppose she addressed them to me in my real name, by which I never thought to ask for them at the post office. "We must write to her today, and you can tell her that you are safe and married to ""Brown Bess.""" -I see you are thinking of a certain young lady at Duganstown. Is Miss Dugan well? -Is Miss Dugan well? There's only six Miss Dugans now... poor Dorothy. -There's only six Miss Dugans now... poor Dorothy. Good heavens! Whatever? Has she died of grief? -Good heavens! Whatever? Has she died of grief? She took on so at your going away that she was obliged to console herself with a husband. She is now Mrs. John Best. -She took on so at your going away that she was obliged to console herself with a husband. She is now Mrs. John Best. Mrs. John Best! Was there another Mr. John Best?! -Mrs. John Best! Was there another Mr. John Best?! No, the very same one, my boy. He recovered from his wound. The ball you hit him with was not likely to hurt him. It was only made of tow. Do you think the Dugans would let you kill fifteen hundred a-year out of the family? The plan of the duel was all arranged in order to get you out of the way, for the cowardly Englishman could never be brought to marry from fear of you. But hit him you certainly did, Roderick, and with a fine thick plugget of tow, and the fellow was so frightened that he was an hour in coming to. We told your mother the story afterwards, and a pretty scene she made. -No, the very same one, my boy. He recovered from his wound. The ball you hit him with was not likely to hurt him. It was only made of tow. Do you think the Dugans would let you kill fifteen hundred a-year out of the family? The plan of the duel was all arranged in order to get you out of the way, for the cowardly Englishman could never be brought to marry from fear of you. But hit him you certainly did, Roderick, and with a fine thick plugget of tow, and the fellow was so frightened that he was an hour in coming to. We told your mother the story afterwards, and a pretty scene she made. The coward! -The coward! He has paid off your uncle's mortgage. He gave Dorothy a coach- and-six. That coward of a fellow has been making of your uncle's family. Faith, the business was well done. Your cousins, Michael and Harry, never let him out of their sight, though he was for deserting to England, until the marriage was completed, and the happy couple off on their road to Dublin. Are you in want of cash, my boy? You may draw upon me, for I got a couple of hundred out of Master Best for my share and, while they last, you shall never want. -Mr. O'Higgins, I cannot say how grateful I am for your timely assistance to my wife. I am only sorry that I was unable to prevent the villain from carrying off all her ladyship's money and pearls. -I am only sorry that I was unable to prevent the villain from carrying off all her ladyship's money and pearls. Mr. O'Higgins, we are in your debt, and rest assured, sir, you have friends in this house whenever you are in Dublin. Mister O'Higgins, I wonder if I know your good father? -Mr. O'Higgins, we are in your debt, and rest assured, sir, you have friends in this house whenever you are in Dublin. Mister O'Higgins, I wonder if I know your good father? Which O'Higgins do you know? For I have never heard your name mentioned in my family. -Which O'Higgins do you know? For I have never heard your name mentioned in my family. Oh, I am thinking of the O'Higgins of Redmondstown. General O'Higgins was a close friend of my wife's dear father, Colonel Granby Somerset. -Oh, I am thinking of the O'Higgins of Redmondstown. General O'Higgins was a close friend of my wife's dear father, Colonel Granby Somerset. Ah -- I see. No, I'm afraid mine are the O'Higgins of Watertown. -Ah -- I see. No, I'm afraid mine are the O'Higgins of Watertown. I have heard of them. -Whom have I been harboring in my house? Who are you, sirrah? Sirrah! Sirrah, I am as good a gentleman as any in Ireland! -Sirrah! Sirrah, I am as good a gentleman as any in Ireland! You're an impostor, young man, a schemer, a deceiver! -You're an impostor, young man, a schemer, a deceiver! Repeat the words again, and I run you through the body. -Repeat the words again, and I run you through the body. Tut, tut! I can play at fencing as well as you, Mr. Roderick James. Ah! You change color, do you? Your secret is known, is it? You come like a viper into the bosom of innocent families; you represent yourself as the heir to my friends the O'Higgins of Castle O'Higgins; I introduce you to the nobility and gentry of this methropolis; I take you to my tradesmen, who give you credit. I accept your note for near two hundred pounds, and what do I find? A fraud. -Chevalier, though I cannot say how, I believe you have cheated me. I deny your Grace's accusations, and beg you to say how you have been cheated? -I deny your Grace's accusations, and beg you to say how you have been cheated? I don't know. -I don't know. Your Grace owes me seventy thousand frederics, which I have honorably won. -Your Grace owes me seventy thousand frederics, which I have honorably won. Chevalier, if you will have your money now, you must fight for it. If you will be patient, maybe I will pay you something another time. -Chevalier, if you will have your money now, you must fight for it. If you will be patient, maybe I will pay you something another time. Your Grace, if I am so tame as to take this, then I must give up an honorable and lucrative occupation. -Your Grace, if I am so tame as to take this, then I must give up an honorable and lucrative occupation. I have said all there is to be said. I am at your disposal for whatever purposes you wish. Good night. -Where is my rascal, Lazlo? I will let down the steps for your honor. -Good gracious! What is this? You are going to drive to the frontier. -You are going to drive to the frontier. It is shameful -- infamous! I insist upon being put down at the Austrian ambassador's house. -It is shameful -- infamous! I insist upon being put down at the Austrian ambassador's house. I have orders to gag your honor if you cry out, and to give you this purse containing ten thousand frederics if you do not. -I have orders to gag your honor if you cry out, and to give you this purse containing ten thousand frederics if you do not. Ten thousand? But the scoundrel owes me seventy thousand. -Ten thousand? But the scoundrel owes me seventy thousand. Your honor must lower his voice. -Your honor must lower his voice. All Europe shall hear of this! -All Europe shall hear of this! As you please. -I have no luggage. The gentleman has nothing contraband. -You are the young man who M. de Seebach recommended? Yes, sir. Here is my letter. -Your name is Lazlo Zilagyi? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. You come highly recommended by Herr Seebach. -You come highly recommended by Herr Seebach. Herr Seebach was a very kind employer. -Herr Seebach was a very kind employer. For whom else have you worked? -For whom else have you worked? No one, sir. Before that I served in the army but had to leave due to weakness of the loins. -No one, sir. Before that I served in the army but had to leave due to weakness of the loins. Who else can give me information about you? -Who else can give me information about you? Only the agency of servants. -And I think he was as much affected as I was at thus finding one of his kindred; for he, too, was an exile from home, and a friendly voice, a look, brought the old country back to his memory again, and the old days of his boyhood. I'd give five years of my life to see the old country again, the greenfields, and the river, and the old round tower, and the burying place. -The cards are now my only livelihood. Sometimes I am in luck, and then I lay out my money in these trinkets you see. It's property, look you, and the only way I have found of keeping a little about me. When the luck goes against me, why, my dear, my diamonds go to the pawnbrokers and I wear paste. Do you understand the cards? I can play as soldiers do, but have no great skill. -I can play as soldiers do, but have no great skill. We will practice in the mornings, my boy, and I'll put you up to a thing or two worth knowing. -But they will prevent a meeting at whatever the cost. Have no fear. It will come out well for me. -Have no fear. It will come out well for me. I believe they will deport you. -I believe they will deport you. I have faced that problem before. -I have faced that problem before. But, if they send you away, then what is to become of me? -But, if they send you away, then what is to become of me? Make your mind easy, you shall not be left behind, I warrant you. Do take a last look at your barracks, make your mind easy, say a farewell to your friends in Berlin. The dear souls, how they will weep when they hear you are out of the country, and, out of it, you shall go. -Make your mind easy, you shall not be left behind, I warrant you. Do take a last look at your barracks, make your mind easy, say a farewell to your friends in Berlin. The dear souls, how they will weep when they hear you are out of the country, and, out of it, you shall go. But how, sir? -Gentlemen, I wish you a good day. Will you please go to the house from whence we set out this morning, and tell my man there to send my baggage on to Three Kings at Dresden? Then ordering fresh horses, the Chevalier set off on his journey for that capital. I need not tell you that I was the Chevalier. -When the Duke of Courland brought fourteen lackeys each with bags of florins, and challenged our bank to play against the sealed bags, what did we ask? Sir, we have but eighty thousand florins in bank, or two hundred thousand at three months; if your highness' bags do not contain more than eight thousand, we will meet you. -It is distasteful to kill a scoundrel -- that should be work for a hangman. To risk one's life against such people is an imposition. -To risk one's life against such people is an imposition. I risk nothing, for I am certain to kill him. -I risk nothing, for I am certain to kill him. Certain? -Certain? Perfectly certain, because I shall make him tremble. -I entered here, monsieur, at a bad moment for you; it seems that you love this lady. Certainly, monseigneur, does not Your Excellency consider her worthy of love? -Certainly, monseigneur, does not Your Excellency consider her worthy of love? Perfectly so; and what is more, I will tell you that I love her, and that I am not of a humor to put up with rivals. -Perfectly so; and what is more, I will tell you that I love her, and that I am not of a humor to put up with rivals. Very well! Now that I know it, I will no longer love her. -Very well! Now that I know it, I will no longer love her. Then you yield to me. -Then you yield to me. On the instant. Everyone must yield to such a nobleman as you. -On the instant. Everyone must yield to such a nobleman as you. Very well; but a man who yields takes to his legs. -Very well; but a man who yields takes to his legs. That is a trifle strong. -That is a trifle strong. Take to your legs, low Irish dog. -No. Have you had one? -Have you had one? Never. -Never. But, for a time... a passing fancy? -But, for a time... a passing fancy? Not even that. -Not even that. How can I believe that there is not a man who has inspired desires in you? -How can I believe that there is not a man who has inspired desires in you? Not one. -Not one. Have you not a man whom you value? -Have you not a man whom you value? That man has, perhaps, not yet been born. -That man has, perhaps, not yet been born. What! You have not met a man worthy of your attention? -What! You have not met a man worthy of your attention? Many worthy of attention; but valuing is something more. I could value only someone whom I loved. -Many worthy of attention; but valuing is something more. I could value only someone whom I loved. Then you have never loved? Your heart is empty. -Then you have never loved? Your heart is empty. "Your word ""empty"" makes me laugh. Is it fortunate, or unfortunate? If it is fortunate, I congratulate myself. If it is unfortunate, I do not care, for I am not aware of it." -"Your word ""empty"" makes me laugh. Is it fortunate, or unfortunate? If it is fortunate, I congratulate myself. If it is unfortunate, I do not care, for I am not aware of it." It is nonetheless a misfortune, and you will know it when you love. -It is nonetheless a misfortune, and you will know it when you love. But if, when I love, I am unhappy, I will know that my empty heart was my good fortune. -But if, when I love, I am unhappy, I will know that my empty heart was my good fortune. That is true, but it seems to me impossible that you should be unhappy in love. -That is true, but it seems to me impossible that you should be unhappy in love. It is only too possible. Love requires a mutual harmony which is difficult, and it is even more difficult to make it last. -It is only too possible. Love requires a mutual harmony which is difficult, and it is even more difficult to make it last. I agree; but God put us on earth to take that risk. -I agree; but God put us on earth to take that risk. A man may need to do that, and find it amusing; but a girl is bound by other laws. -A man may need to do that, and find it amusing; but a girl is bound by other laws. I believe you, and I see I must hasten to leave, for otherwise I shall become the unhappiest of men. -I believe you, and I see I must hasten to leave, for otherwise I shall become the unhappiest of men. How so? -How so? By loving you, with no hope of possessing you. -You want my heart? It is my only object. -It is my only object. To make me wretched in two weeks. -To make me wretched in two weeks. To love you until death. To subscribe to all your commands. -To love you until death. To subscribe to all your commands. The amusing thing is that you deceive me without knowing, if it is true that you love me. -The amusing thing is that you deceive me without knowing, if it is true that you love me. Deceiving someone without knowing it is something new for me. If I do not know it, I am innocent. -Deceiving someone without knowing it is something new for me. If I do not know it, I am innocent. But you deceive me nonetheless if I believe you, for it will not be in your power to love me when you love me no longer. -Be so good as to tell me with whom you think you are? With a woman who is completely charming, be she a princess or a woman of the lowest condition, and who, regardless of her rank, will show me some kindness, tonight. -And if she does not choose to show you some kindness? Then I will respectfully take leave of her. -Then I will respectfully take leave of her. You will do as you please. It seems to me that such a matter can hardly be discussed until after people know each other. Do you not agree? -You will do as you please. It seems to me that such a matter can hardly be discussed until after people know each other. Do you not agree? Yes -- but I am afraid of being deceived. -Yes -- but I am afraid of being deceived. Poor man. And, for that reason, you want to begin where people end? -Poor man. And, for that reason, you want to begin where people end? I ask only a payment on account today -- after that, you will find me undemanding, obedient and discreet. -Will we always leave it at this? Always, my dear one, never any further. Love is a child to be pacified with trifles. A full diet can only kill it. -Always, my dear one, never any further. Love is a child to be pacified with trifles. A full diet can only kill it. I know better than you do. Love wants a more substantial fare, and if it is stubbornly withheld, it withers away. -I know better than you do. Love wants a more substantial fare, and if it is stubbornly withheld, it withers away. Our abstinence makes our love immortal. If I loved you a quarter of an hour ago, now I should love you even more. But I should love you less if you exhausted my joy by satisfying all my desires. -Our abstinence makes our love immortal. If I loved you a quarter of an hour ago, now I should love you even more. But I should love you less if you exhausted my joy by satisfying all my desires. Let us give each other complete happiness, and let us be sure that as many times as we satisfy our desires, they will each time be born anew. -Let us give each other complete happiness, and let us be sure that as many times as we satisfy our desires, they will each time be born anew. My husband has convinced me of the contrary. -My husband has convinced me of the contrary. Sir William Cosgrove is a man who is dying, and yet I envy him more than any man in Christendom. He enjoys a privilege of which I am deprived. He may take you in his arms whenever he pleases, and no veil keeps his senses, his eyes, his soul from enjoying your beauty. -Shall I tell you something -- I believed what was called love came after the union -- and I was surprised when my husband, making me a woman, made me know it only by pain, unaccompanied by any pleasure. I saw that my imaginings had stood me in better stead. And so we became only friends, seldom sleeping together and arousing no curiosity in each other, yet on good terms for a while, as whenever he wanted me, I was at his service, but since the offering was not seasoned with love, he found it tasteless, and seldom demanded it. O, my dearest love. Enough! I beg you. Stop believing in your experience. You have never known love. My very soul is leaving me! Catch it on your lips, and give me yours! -Without you, my dearest, I might have died without ever knowing love. Inexpressible love! God of nature! Bitterness than which nothing is sweeter, sweetness than which nothing is more bitter. Divine monster which can only be defined by paradoxes. Let me give a thousand kisses to that heavenly mouth which has told me that I am happy. -Let me give a thousand kisses to that heavenly mouth which has told me that I am happy. As soon as I saw you loved me, I was pleased, and I gave you every opportunity to fall more in love with me, being certain that, for my part, I would never love you. But after our first kiss, I found that I had no power over myself. I did not know that one kiss could matter so much. -As soon as I saw you loved me, I was pleased, and I gave you every opportunity to fall more in love with me, being certain that, for my part, I would never love you. But after our first kiss, I found that I had no power over myself. I did not know that one kiss could matter so much. "We then spent an hour in the most eloquent silence except that, from time to time, her ladyship cried out: ""Oh, my God. Is it true -- I am not dreaming?""" -My Lady Cosgrove's relationship with me was a singular one. Her life was passed in a series of crack-brained sort of alternation between love and hatred for me. We would quarrel for a fortnight, then we should be friends for a month together sometimes. One day, I was joking her, and asking her whether she would take the water again, whether she had found another lover, and so forth. She suddenly burst out into tears, and, after a while, said to me: Roderick, you know well enough that I have never loved but you! Was I ever so wretched that a kind word from you did not make me happy? Ever so angry, but the least offer of good-will on your part did not bring me to your side? Did I not give a sufficient proof of my affection for you in bestowing one of the finest fortunes of England upon you? Have I repined or rebuked you for the way you have wasted it? No, I loved you too much and too fondly; I have always loved you. From the first moment I saw you, I saw your bad qualities, and trembled at your violence; but I could not help loving you. I married you, though I knew I was sealing my own fate in doing so, and in spite of reason and duty. What sacrifice do you want from me? I am ready to make any, so you will but love me, or, if not, that at least, you will gently us me. -Lady Cosgrove, you are an old fool. Old fool! -I accept, but I insist on a wager. The loser must do whatever the winner pleases. Agreed. -Agreed. Do you see the gate at the end of the field? The first to touch it will be the winner. -I feel the ribbon. Then you must get it. -Why are you shaking? With pleasure at finding the ribbon. -I hate Miss Clancy, you know I do! And I only danced with her because -- because -- the person with whom I intended to dance chose to be engaged the whole night. I had not been in the room five minutes before I was engaged for every single set. -I had not been in the room five minutes before I was engaged for every single set. Were you obliged to dance five times with Captain Best, and then stroll out with him into the garden? -Were you obliged to dance five times with Captain Best, and then stroll out with him into the garden? I don't care a fig for Captain Best; he dances prettily to be sure, and is a pleasant rattle of a man. He looks well in his regimentals, too; and if he chose to ask me to dance, how could I refuse him? -I don't care a fig for Captain Best; he dances prettily to be sure, and is a pleasant rattle of a man. He looks well in his regimentals, too; and if he chose to ask me to dance, how could I refuse him? But you refused me, Dorothy. -But you refused me, Dorothy. Oh! I can dance with you any day, and to dance with your own cousin at a ball as if you could find no other partner. Besides, Roderick, Captain Best's a man, and you are only a boy, and you haven't a guinea in the world. -Oh! I can dance with you any day, and to dance with your own cousin at a ball as if you could find no other partner. Besides, Roderick, Captain Best's a man, and you are only a boy, and you haven't a guinea in the world. If ever I meet him again, you shall see which is the best man of the two. I'll fight him with sword or with pistol, captain as he is. -If ever I meet him again, you shall see which is the best man of the two. I'll fight him with sword or with pistol, captain as he is. But Captain Best is already known as a valiant soldier, and is famous as a man of fashion in London. It is mighty well of you to fight farmers' boys, but to fight an Englishman is a very different matter. -Suppose, now, Roderick, you, who are such a hero, was passing over the bridge and the enemy on the other side. I'd draw my sword, and cut my way through them. -I'd draw my sword, and cut my way through them. What, with me on the pillion? Would you kill poor me? -What, with me on the pillion? Would you kill poor me? Well, then, I'll tell you what I'd do. I'd jump Daisy into the river, and swim you both across, where no enemy could follow us. -Well, then, I'll tell you what I'd do. I'd jump Daisy into the river, and swim you both across, where no enemy could follow us. Jump twenty feet! You wouldn't dare to do any such thing on Daisy. There's the captain's horse, Black George, I've heard say that Captain Bes -- -Monster! Your father was a tailor, and you are always thinking of the shop. But I'll have my revenge, I will! Roddy, will you see me insulted? Indeed, Miss Dorothy, I intend to have his blood as sure as my name's Roderick. -I am at your service, Mr. Cosgrove. How much do you wish to spend? As much as possible. -As much as possible. As much as possible? -As much as possible? Yes, for I wish to entertain splendidly. -Yes, for I wish to entertain splendidly. All the same, you must name an amount. -All the same, you must name an amount. It is entirely up to you. I want the best. -Last month, the Duke of Suffolk spent no more. All right, five hundred guineas. -And, to be sure, I did know someone who knew precisely how these things were done, and this was the distinguished solicitor and former Government Minister, Lord West, whose acquaintance I made, as I had so many others, at the gaming table. Do you happen to know Gustavus Adolphus, the thirteenth Earl of Crabs? -Do you happen to know Gustavus Adolphus, the thirteenth Earl of Crabs? By name only. -By name only. Well, sir, this nobleman is one of the gentlemen of His Majesty's closet, and one with whom our revered monarch is on terms of considerable intimacy. I should say you would be wise to fix upon this nobleman your chief reliance for the advancement of your claim to the Viscounty which you propose to get. -Have you done, Mr. Cosgrove? Yes! -Yes! Well, Mr. Cosgrove, I'll answer you point by point. The King is exceedingly averse to make peers, as you know. Your claim, as you call them, have been laid before him, and His Majesty's gracious reply was, that you were the most impudent man in his dominions, and merited a halter, rather than a coronet. As for withdrawing your support from us, you are perfectly welcome to carry yourself whithersoever you please. And, now, as I have a great deal of occupation, perhaps you will do me the favor to retire, or tell me if there is anything else in the world in which I can oblige you. -Does this assignment interest you? Yes, Minister, I am interested in any work in which I can be of service to Captain Galgenstein. -Was he cheated? In so far as I can tell these things -- no. I believe the Chevalier won the money fairly. -In so far as I can tell these things -- no. I believe the Chevalier won the money fairly. Hmm-mmmm. -A meeting with the Prince of Turbingen is impossible. The Prince left him only that choice. -The King has determined to send the Chevalier out of the country. When is he to go? -Then this must be done tomorrow. What is to be done? -What has happened, madam, to annoy your ladyship? "Oh, I am grateful to you, sir. I am the wife of Captain O'Reilly hastening to join him at Dublin. My chair was stopped by a highwayman; this great oaf of a servant-man fell down on his knees, armed as he was, and though there were thirty people in the next field, working, when the ruffian attacked, not one of them would help but, on the contrary, wished him ""good luck.""" -Be off to your work, you pack of rascals, or you will have a good taste of my thong. Have you lost much? Everything -- my purse, containing upwards of a hundred guineas, my jewels, my snuff-boxes, watches. And all because this blundering coward fell to his knees... -That fool didn't know what was the meaning of a hundred-pound bill, which was in the pocket-book that the fellow took from me. I am riding to Dublin myself, and if your ladyship will allow me the honor of riding with you, I shall do my best to protect you from further mishap. -I am riding to Dublin myself, and if your ladyship will allow me the honor of riding with you, I shall do my best to protect you from further mishap. But I shouldn't like to put you to such trouble, Mister...? -But I shouldn't like to put you to such trouble, Mister...? O'Higgins... Mohawk O'Higgins. -As you have been robbed of your purse, may I have permission to lend your ladyship a couple of pieces to pay any expenses which you might incur before reaching your home? That's very kind of you, Mr. O'Higgins. -How different was her lively rattle to the vulgar wenches at Kilwangan assemblies. In every sentence, she mentioned a lord or a person of quality. To the lady's question about my birth and parentage, I replied that I was a young gentleman of large fortune, that I was going to Dublin for my studies, and that my mother allowed me five hundred per annum. You must be very cautious with regard to the company you should meet in Dublin, where rogues and adventurers of all countries abound. I hope you will do me the honor of accepting lodgings in my own house, where Captain O'Reilly will welcome with delight, my gallant young preserver. -I have good news for you, Mr. Cosgrove. The firm of Bracegirdle and Chatwick, in the city of London, are prepared to lend you 20,000 pounds, pledged against your interest in the Edric mines. They will redeem the encumbrances against the property, which amount to some 10,000 pounds, and take a twenty- year working lease on the mines. They will lend you the 20,000 pounds against the lease income, which they will apply to the loan as it comes in, and they will make a charge of 18% per annum interest on the outstanding loan balance. Mr. Newcombe, I have made some difficult loans during the past few years, at very onerous terms, but 18% a year interest seems very stiff indeed. -Mr. Newcombe, I have made some difficult loans during the past few years, at very onerous terms, but 18% a year interest seems very stiff indeed. Considering your financial circumstances, Mr. Cosgrove, it has been impossible to find anyone at all prepared to do any business with you. I think you may count yourself lucky to have this opportunity. But, obviously, if you would reject this offer, I shall keep trying to find a better one. -Considering your financial circumstances, Mr. Cosgrove, it has been impossible to find anyone at all prepared to do any business with you. I think you may count yourself lucky to have this opportunity. But, obviously, if you would reject this offer, I shall keep trying to find a better one. I am prepared to accept the terms, Mr. Newcombe. -I am prepared to accept the terms, Mr. Newcombe. There are a few other points we should discuss. The loan agreement can only be executed by her ladyship's signature, and provided that Bracegirdle and Chatwick can be assured of her ladyship's freewill in giving her signature. -There are a few other points we should discuss. The loan agreement can only be executed by her ladyship's signature, and provided that Bracegirdle and Chatwick can be assured of her ladyship's freewill in giving her signature. Provided that they can be assured of her ladyship's freewill? Are you serious? -Provided that they can be assured of her ladyship's freewill? Are you serious? May I be quite frank with you? -May I be quite frank with you? Yes, of course. -Yes, of course. Mister Bracegirdle said to me that he had heard her ladyship lives in some fear of her life, and meditated a separation, in which case, she might later repudiate any documents signed by herself while in durance, and subject them, at any rate, to a doubtful and expensive litigation. They were quite insistent on this point, and said they must have absolute assurance of her ladyship's perfect freewill in the transaction before they would advance a shilling of their capital. -Mister Bracegirdle said to me that he had heard her ladyship lives in some fear of her life, and meditated a separation, in which case, she might later repudiate any documents signed by herself while in durance, and subject them, at any rate, to a doubtful and expensive litigation. They were quite insistent on this point, and said they must have absolute assurance of her ladyship's perfect freewill in the transaction before they would advance a shilling of their capital. I see. -I see. When I asked them in what form they would accept her ladyship's assurances, they said that they were only prepared to accept them if her ladyship confirms her written consent by word of mouth, in their presence, at their counting-house in Birchin Lane, London. I requested they come here, and save her ladyship and yourself the inconvenience of the trip to London, but they declined, saying that they did not wish to incur the risk of a visit to Castle Hackton to negotiate, as they were aware of how other respectable parties, such as Messrs. Sharp and Salomon had been treated here. -Did you buy the horse, papa? Now, just have a little patience, my boy. Your birthday isn't until next week. -Now, just have a little patience, my boy. Your birthday isn't until next week. But I will have it on my birthday, won't I? -But I will have it on my birthday, won't I? Well, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we? -Good night, papa. Good night, my little darling. -Good night, my little darling. Papa? -Papa? Yes? -Yes? One of the boys in the stable told Nelly that you've already bought my horse, and that it's at Doolan's farm, where Mick the groom is breaking it in. Is that true, papa? -One of the boys in the stable told Nelly that you've already bought my horse, and that it's at Doolan's farm, where Mick the groom is breaking it in. Is that true, papa? What the devil? What kind of fools do we have here? Pottle, who told the lad this story? -I promise your lordship a good flogging if you even so much as go to Doolan's farm to see him. Yes, papa. -Your bother is in America fighting the rebels. Is he all right, papa? -Is he all right, papa? Yes, he's fine. -Yes, he's fine. Brooksy was better than you, papa, he used not to swear so, and he taught me many good things while you were away. -I made Sir William Cosgrove's acquaintance as usual at the play- table. One could not but admire the spirit and gallantry with which he pursued his favorite pastime; for, though worn out with gout and a myriad of diseases, a cripple wheeled about in a chair, and suffering pangs of agony, yet you would see him every morning, and every evening at his post behind the delightful green cloth. Hang it, Mr. Roderick James, you have no more manners than a barber, and I think my black footman has been better educated than you; but you are a young fellow of originality and pluck, and I like you, sir. because you seem determined to go to the devil by a way of your own. -Indeed, you are right, sir. Look at me. Marriage has added forty years to my life. I am dying, a worn-out cripple, at the age of fifty. When I took off Lady Cosgrove, there was no man of my years who looked so young as myself. Fool that I was! I had enough with my pensions, perfect freedom, the best society in Europe -- and I gave up all these, and married and was miserable. Take a warning from me, Mr. Roderick, and stick to the trumps. Do anything, but marry. Would you have me spend my life all alone? -Would you have me spend my life all alone? In truth, sir, yes, but, if you must marry, then marry a virtuous drudge. -In truth, sir, yes, but, if you must marry, then marry a virtuous drudge. The milkmaid's daughter? -The milkmaid's daughter? Well, why not a milkmaid's daughter? No man of sense need restrict himself or deny himself a single amusement for his wife's sake; on the contrary, if he selects the animal properly, he will choose such a one as shall be no bar to his pleasure, but a comfort in his hours of annoyance. For instance, I have got the gout; who tends me? A hired valet who robs me whenever he has the power. My wife never comes near me. What friend have I? None in the wide world. Men of the world, as you and I are, don't make friends, and we are fools for our pains. -Sir William Cosgrove, with his complication of ills, was dying before us by inches. He was continually tinkered up by doctors, and, what with my usual luck, he might be restored to health and live I don't know how many years. If Cosgrove would not die, where was the use of my pursing his lady? But my fears were to prove groundless, for on that very night, patient nature would claim her account. Good evening, Mr. James, have you done with my lady? -Good evening, Mr. James, have you done with my lady? I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? Come, come, sir. I am a man who would rather be known as a cuckold than a fool. -Come, come, sir. I am a man who would rather be known as a cuckold than a fool. I think, Sir William Cosgrove, you have had too much drink. Your chaplin, Mr. Hunt, has introduced me into the company of your lady to advise me on a religious matter, of which she is a considerable expert. -Gentlemen, see this amiable youth! He has been troubled by religious scruples, and has flown for refuge to my chaplin, Mr. Hunt, who has asked for advise from my wife, Lady Cosgrove, and between them both, they are confirming my ingenious young friend in his faith. Did you ever hear of such doctors and such a disciple? Faith, sir, if I want to learn good principles, it's surely better I should apply for them to your lady, and your chaplin than to you? -Faith, sir, if I want to learn good principles, it's surely better I should apply for them to your lady, and your chaplin than to you? He wants to step into my shoes! He wants to step into my shoes! -Well, if my intentions are what you think they are -- if I do wish to step into your shoes, what then? I have no other intentions than you had yourself. Lady Cosgrove's wealth may be great, but am I not of a generous nature enough to use it worthily? Her rank is lofty, but not so lofty as my ambition. I will be sworn to muster just as much regard for my Lady Cosgrove as you ever showed her; and if I win her, and wear her when you are dead and gone, corbleu, knight, do you think that it will be the fear of your ghost will deter me? Is it not a pleasure, gentlemen, for me, as I am drawing near the goal, to find my home such a happy one; my wife so fond of me, that she is even now thinking of appointing a successor? Isn't it a comfort to see her; like a prudent housewife, getting everything ready for her husband's departure? -Is it not a pleasure, gentlemen, for me, as I am drawing near the goal, to find my home such a happy one; my wife so fond of me, that she is even now thinking of appointing a successor? Isn't it a comfort to see her; like a prudent housewife, getting everything ready for her husband's departure? I hope that you are not thinking of leaving us soon, knight? -I hope that you are not thinking of leaving us soon, knight? Not so soon, my dear, as you may fancy perhaps. Why, man, I have been given over many times these four years, and there was always a candidate or two waiting to apply for the situation. Who knows how long I may keep you waiting. -Not so soon, my dear, as you may fancy perhaps. Why, man, I have been given over many times these four years, and there was always a candidate or two waiting to apply for the situation. Who knows how long I may keep you waiting. Sir, let those laugh that win. -Sir, let those laugh that win. I am sorry for you Mr. James. I'm grieved to keep you or any gentleman waiting. Had you not better to arrange with my doctor or get the cook to flavor my omelette with arsenic? What are the odds, gentlemen, that I don't live to see Mr. James hang yet? -Charming Schuvaloff. Black-eyed Sczortarska. -Black-eyed Sczortarska. Dark Valdez. -Dark Valdez. Do you expect me to believe that your lover brought you here tonight? -Do you expect me to believe that your lover brought you here tonight? Yes. He brought me in his carriage, and he will call for me at midnight. -Yes. He brought me in his carriage, and he will call for me at midnight. And he doesn't care about me? -And he doesn't care about me? He is only curious to know who you are. -He is only curious to know who you are. If his love were like mine, he would not permit you to come here. -If his love were like mine, he would not permit you to come here. He loves me, as I love you. -He loves me, as I love you. Will he wish to know the details of this night? -Will he wish to know the details of this night? He will believe that it will please me if he asks about it, and I shall tell him everything except some circumstances which might humiliate him. -He will believe that it will please me if he asks about it, and I shall tell him everything except some circumstances which might humiliate him. Tender Hegenheim. -Don't like 'em, don't eat 'em, don't make no damn difference to me. You know that was like a quadruple negative? -Can I at least have a drink? It's ten thirty in the morning. -It's ten thirty in the morning. Yeah, if you've slept. -Yeah, if you've slept. You know the law -- no liquor before noon. Could lose my license. -You know the law -- no liquor before noon. Could lose my license. "Don't you mean ""don't need no liquor license not taken away from me""?" -Hurricane kept you up, too? Yeah, and I could've used the sleep. I'm supposed to meet people here tonight, try and get some work going. -Bill Styles... Who? -Who? Old friend. Haven't talked to him in -- 911. Can I use your phone? -Don't you ever point a gun at me! I'm -- I'm sorry... -A target, Kendall, cap a fucking target. What's wrong with you? I thought I was gonna have an attack. Go into a fit and bite off my own tongue in the middle of the bayou. Childs could tell I wasn't right. -I thought I was gonna have an attack. Go into a fit and bite off my own tongue in the middle of the bayou. Childs could tell I wasn't right. Just safety your shit and get behind me, okay? I'll take care of this. -Fuck, what the fuck is going on -- What do we do? -What do we do? Whoever it is isn't shooting at us... -I don't want to go -- Fine. -Did -- did you -- It was the grenade you fucking idiot. Look at him! -What about Pike? Maybe he'll be there. Either way, we have to go. -He is the only one unaccounted for. Maybe he's dead too. Maybe you killed them both, Mueller -- -You framed-him... None of that matters now. We got two dead bodies and a story that explains them. You're either with us, or against us -- which is it? -This isn't our area. Whose area is this -- Can anybody hear me! -Hey, I -- Holy fuck... holy fuck, what the fuck did you guys do? We found him like this -- -You killed him you fucking faggot -- We found him like this! Kendall was with me the whole -- Listen to me! -We got -- I don't know, we got separated Before or after the explosion? Mueller -- -Before or after the explosion? Mueller -- I don't know! -Shut the fuck up, you fucking faggot, You just shut the FUCK UP. HEY! -West was one thing, but this -- Shut up, Mueller. -We finished the course and came here, then heard an explosion -- Where's Pike? We don't know. West is dead. -What about you, wandering around alone? At least we have an alibi -- What do you mean, alone? -Holy fuck... Holy fuck, what the fuck did you guys do? We found him like this... -Yeah, right... Shut up. West's dead. -You too? We can still come out of this okay. Pike got free, he got a gun, he came after us. That's the story. -Why not? I asked for a policeman. -I asked for a policeman. You're under military arrest, it's not gonna happen. What's wrong with baseball? -You're under military arrest, it's not gonna happen. What's wrong with baseball? It's... too slow. -It's... too slow. Well, it's a game of anticipation, that's the beauty. -Well, it's a game of anticipation, that's the beauty. I just don't like it. -I just don't like it. What do you like then? -I don't know... I like the Army. C'mon, Ray, everyone hates the Army during Basic. I'll tell you straight, I hated it here. -C'mon, Ray, everyone hates the Army during Basic. I'll tell you straight, I hated it here. You did Basic here? -You did Basic here? Fifteen years ago under Sergeant West. Piece of work, that guy. I remember, he used to have these two silver .45's with ivory handles and if you weren't quick enough, he'd knock you on the head with one of them. He still carry those guns? -There's no need... They're dead, aren't they? -Right. Now, I'm gonna go get you another donut and you think about whether you want to talk more, okay? Okay. -Why'd you ask for a cop, Ray? I'm not telling you what happened. -I'm not telling you what happened. Okay... but I would like to know about the other cadets. What they were like -- nice guys? -Some. Tell me about them. -And those were the guys who went on the exercise with you? Yeah. And that's all I'm saying. -You smoke, Ray? This is one of those interrogation tricks, isn't it? You don't give me a cigarette till I tell you more. -This is one of those interrogation tricks, isn't it? You don't give me a cigarette till I tell you more. No, actually, I just left mine in the car and was hoping you had some. -Hey, Ray! Just had a nice talk with your buddy Kendall -- seems you killed three people! That son of a bitch. -That son of a bitch. That'd be my reaction too -- -That'd be my reaction too -- He's lying. -He's lying. Well, why didn't you say so? We'll just drop all your charges, then -- -Well, why didn't you say so? We'll just drop all your charges, then -- I'm serious -- -"Fuck ""you're serious"", Raymond, you got exactly zero truck with us; right now we'd take the word of a crackhead over yours, so if you've got something to say, say it." Did Kendall tell you about the PX? -So Childs made some side money, so what? People are dead, Ray, and the only one we have to blame is you -- I didn't shoot West -- -I didn't shoot West -- Yeah, we know, Pike did. -I apologize -- You saw West's body. -You saw West's body. Of course -- -And he'd been shot. Yeah -- -You shot Childs and Nunez. They would have killed us both. You want me to write a confession, I'll write a confession. -They would have killed us both. You want me to write a confession, I'll write a confession. You saved Kendall's life -- -You saved Kendall's life -- But not Pike's. -Raymond, for you to have any chance of coming out of this, we need to locate the other bodies and examine them to corroborate your testimony. Otherwise this is just another story -- Mr. Hardy, I joined the army for college money. I didn't ask for any of this -- I tried to do the right thing out there and people got killed. You say finding those bodies'll help me, then go find them. I don't want to die. -We're not finished yet -- You wanna bet? -We don't need the tapes -- Oh, you don't? What else do you have on me? You haven't found any bodies yet, have you? -Oh, you don't? What else do you have on me? You haven't found any bodies yet, have you? We've found all of them. -Not true, Cadet, I've got a gun -- Jesus! -He -- He made me do it -- Do what? -Do what? Hunting -- we had to hunt him -- -I guess Nunez wasn't dead after all. He came after us with a vengeance. You know the rest. And the bodies? -And the bodies? You won't find them. Won't find West, either. He's too good. -I promised them I'd ask you where West and the others are... "Washout rejects, guys he said were ""dumbfucks too stupid to know they dead""..." -"Washout rejects, guys he said were ""dumbfucks too stupid to know they dead""..." He's telling the truth up to a point... -Are you saying Sergeant West tried to kill you? No, ma'am, he just wanted us to quit. Making it through was kind of an honor. Some of the other guys on the base told us that if you could hack Section Eight, Command would consider you at the top of the class. -That first night with Pike. I made the mistake of letting him sit down at around 0300. Tell us about the other guys, the ones West weeded out. -Tell us about the other guys, the ones West weeded out. There were six of us... -He was sickly. Had that shaking thing, whatd'yacall it, epoxy? Epilepsy. -Epilepsy. Yeah. Spent half his time in the infirmary. Only reason he enlisted was his father. West didn't section him till last week. -He said he worked there -- No, did he tell you about it? About the business Childs ran? -No, did he tell you about it? About the business Childs ran? What business? -What business? Pills, shots, you name it, Basic's a lot easier when you don't feel pain -- -Where? The creek bed -- -What about the phosphorous grenade? One went off, yeah, but it didn't touch him -- I thought you knew this -- -Back up. Mueller was alone in the cabin? -Mueller was alone in the cabin? Yeah. -Why didn't you tell us all this in the first place? Would you have believed me? -Where's the cabin? Don't know on a map. West told us it was there, we just found it. Maybe the hurricane took it away. -You kept Kendall alive to corroborate your story and he did it all they way up to the end. You even gave him his own motive in case we decided to burn him, too. Can't do that now, though, can you? -Is that what I did, now? And of course, you can prove all of it. We can prove that you're not Ray Dunbar. Impersonating a fellow Cadet is a court-martial in and of itself -- -We can prove that you're not Ray Dunbar. Impersonating a fellow Cadet is a court-martial in and of itself -- Did I ever claim I was Raymond Dunbar? Was I ever told to state my name rank and serial number for the record? No. You assumed who I was, because I was wearing this uniform. Don't believe me? -Ohhhh, I don't think so... How do you know that? -How do you know that? Just a guess. Maybe they're not where they're supposed to be. Maybe somebody moved them. Habeas Corpus -- no bodies, no crime, and Nunez still plays as self defense. Face it detectives... you have nothing. -Cadet, what's your name! Sir, Dunbar, sir! -Sir, Dunbar, sir! You know how to work a pistol, Dunbar? -You know how to work a pistol, Dunbar? Sir, yes, sir! -Dunbar you are to stand here and guard this nigger for the next twenty- four hours! He is not to be given food, water, or clothes! If he so much as moves, you are to blow his nigger brains out, is that clear? Sir, yes, sir! -Sir, yes, sir! The rest of you, fallout for physicals! -What the fuck is going on? Your weapons, Sergeant. -He wouldn't kill anybody... Oh, bullshit, he's a fucking convict. You know how much he hated West -- -Oh, bullshit, he's a fucking convict. You know how much he hated West -- I hated West, Childs hated West, everyone with a goddamn brain hated West but that doesn't mean we killed him! -Shut up. Let me see your grenades. Why? -Why? We were each given three so whoever killed West will be missing one. -Jesus, what happened? West... he's dead. -Pike and I got separated... then I heard gunfire. Close. So did we. Why didn't you come? -So you killed him? I... -Whose blood is that, Jay? West's. Any kindling for afire? -What do you mean, West's? I mean I killed him. Isn't that what we all wanted? -Where have you been, Jay? Wandering through a hurricane trying to find this place. It's gettin' bad out there -- Where's West? -Roberto, what the fuck? We just want to check your pack -- -We just want to check your pack -- Why? -You know it's not like that -- Do I? -Right? Yeah... -You gotta untie me. I didn't do this thing, Ray. You hated West more than any of us. -You hated West more than any of us. Maybe, but that don't make me a killer -- -Maybe, but that don't make me a killer -- You're the only one missing a grenade. -You're the only one missing a grenade. Which anyone coulda taken out of my gear on the chopper. Were you watching your pack on the ride in? -Ray, this is my life here. I ain't gonna pretend I'm not happy West is gone, but you know I couldn't have done this. It's not in me. If not you, then who? -If not you, then who? Mueller. -Mueller. Oh, come on -- -Oh, come on -- We're sweeping our area and suddenly he's gone. Couple minutes later, phosphorous grenade pops off about a third of a click away -- -We're sweeping our area and suddenly he's gone. Couple minutes later, phosphorous grenade pops off about a third of a click away -- That's exactly what he says about you. -That's exactly what he says about you. Who you gonna trust, Ray? Him or your friend? -You hated West, Mueller loved him -- Enough to go to prison? Childs' PX scam, Mueller was in on it -- -Enough to go to prison? Childs' PX scam, Mueller was in on it -- Bullshit. -Bullshit. Look in my pack. -Look in my pack. Why? -Why? Just look. Little pocket. -Combat grade morphine. Mueller sold it to me. You're lying -- -You're lying -- Pull up my sleeve. Right arm. -Why... why didn't you tell me? Becoming a morphine addict during Basic ain't exactly something you want to broadcast. Only Mueller and Childs know. -That still doesn't mean you didn't kill him. You saw West, right? How was he killed? -You saw West, right? How was he killed? Full clip to the body -- -Full clip to the body -- From up close or far away? -From up close or far away? His chest was hamburger -- -His chest was hamburger -- That's close range. You go full auto on a guy from close range, you're gonna be swimming in blood. Look at my uniform. Nothing. -Way I figure it, West must have found out about their little business and was gonna bust them, so they decided to get rid of him first... They? -They? Mueller and Childs. One of them must've taken the grenade from my pack on the chopper... -I... I don't know... What don't you know? -What don't you know? This is a lot of information to be getting... I have to think -- -There's no time to think, Ray, we gotta get out of here! You untie me, we grab the guns, get Kendall and Nunez, and make a run for it -- No... no, we can just wait till we get back and then tell the M.P.'s -- -No... no, we can just wait till we get back and then tell the M.P.'s -- We wait and I'm a dead man. I got a black face, a criminal record, and over a hundred other cadets who'll testify how much I hated West -- my court martial will take six minutes. It's either me or them, Ray, and you gotta decide right now. -A test will no doubt link you to the killing -- Put it down! -You... I've seen you around the Base. But you... You're not Army, are you? Coast Guard, special detective detail. We feel this incident may have put the beaches of Florida at risk. -That's it. You're that policeman with friends in low places. Tell me, how's Guissepe Torres doing these days? Those racketeering indictments must have really been a downer -- Levi, you got about four hours before armed men show up here, put you on a plane to Washington, and lock you in a very small dark room. I suggest you talk to us. -I've done nothing wrong. I'm the victim here. But not the only victim, right? -But not the only victim, right? My, my, my, how did things turn so hostile so quickly? If I didn't know better, I'd say you two were out to get me. -My father is a powerful man. Over the years he's used that power to protect me, in one form or another, from certain... unpleasantries. I am a homosexual. Senator Daddy must be thrilled. -Senator Daddy must be thrilled. He is not, shall we say, wild about the idea. He has asked me on numerous occasions to be more discreet about my proclivities, and I have done my best to oblige him. However, in the last four weeks, I began a relationship with another cadet. What do you think of that? -He is not, shall we say, wild about the idea. He has asked me on numerous occasions to be more discreet about my proclivities, and I have done my best to oblige him. However, in the last four weeks, I began a relationship with another cadet. What do you think of that? "I think you just blew ""Don't Ask, Don't Tell"" out of the fucking water." -"I think you just blew ""Don't Ask, Don't Tell"" out of the fucking water." The Sergeant discovered this relationship and wanted me expelled. My father interceded, so instead, West Sectioned me and made sure every other cadet knew that I was gay. -"Levi, I don't know if you're familiar with investigative work, but we have this little thing called ""motive"" and you just gave yourself one." You said you wanted to know what happened -- I'm telling you the truth. -You said you wanted to know what happened -- I'm telling you the truth. "What happened to ""degrees""?" -"What happened to ""degrees""?" I didn't kill him -- -I didn't kill him -- Then who did? -Maybe I shouldn't tell you that. Maybe I should tell you I wasn't scared at all. But I was... Enough to almost kill him. But you didn't. -But you didn't. No. Poetic justice, though. -He admitted it. Right in front of us. Mueller went after him but we held him back. -Why did he come back for you? I honestly don't know. Maybe to have someone to cover for him. And I wish I could, but there's no doubt in my mind he killed those men. -Okay. I think that's it. He rises and walks to the door. Mr. Hardy? -Somebody emptied a full clip into him -- Stop. -You tried to pin three stone murders on Dunbar -- How many murders did you cover up? One? Five? Maybe an even ten. -How many murders did you cover up? One? Five? Maybe an even ten. Can I go to jail for punching a guy who's been shot? -Epileptic attacks are murder on your system. Rattle your internal organs like a paint mixer. My heart weeps. -Is it the truth? There's that word again. As I told you, I wasn't in the room when everyone started shooting. -Why did you tell us he shot everybody, Levi? You put him in for three murders, the man saved your life -- So I should stay silent about his misdeeds? The guns went off, I ran in, Childs shot me, Pike and Mueller were dead, and Dunbar was running out the door with the smoking gun -- -So I should stay silent about his misdeeds? The guns went off, I ran in, Childs shot me, Pike and Mueller were dead, and Dunbar was running out the door with the smoking gun -- Dunbar was running out the door? Ohhhhhh... See that's where I was confused, because I thought you said Nunez was running out the door. -Dunbar was running out the door? Ohhhhhh... See that's where I was confused, because I thought you said Nunez was running out the door. No. I said Dunbar. -No. I said Dunbar. "Huh. You know, I really thought you said Nunez. I thought you said ""Dunbar was gone,"" My fault, I gotta check the tape on that. Oh, yeah we taped the last interview. This one too. Cause it'd be a real break for us to catch you in a lie." -"I believe your next line is ""What are you trying to hide?""" Well? -Well? Sorry to disappoint. I'm on painkillers for the injury -- they cloud the mind. You're right, it was Nunez. Any more questions? -Dunbar will testify that you were. Then we'll leave it up to the courts -- His word against mine. What does his father do again? Steelworker? Doesn't matter, I'm sure justice will be served. In any case, my father will definitely want to talk to you about all these questions, these accusations on his son. He's quite protective. -Something funny, Levi? I was just thinking of what's going to happen to your careers when my father gets through with you. -Jail if he's lucky, the gas chamber if he's not -- I didn't do anything -- -Why? Because of what I saw. Who really killed West. -How do you know? Because I was standing next to him. -Or you, Levi? When is it finally going to come out that you were the one who killed him? I didn't -- -I didn't -- But you can't prove it! You can't prove anything until we find the bodies! -You lied to us, Levi, you're going to the gas chamber unless you tell us where to find them! I don't know -- -I don't know -- Where are they! -Where are they! Maybe -- -Maybe -- MAYBE WHAT -- -MAYBE WHAT -- Maybe he... -How are you? Been better. I read about what's been happening with you... I should have called -- -Been better. I read about what's been happening with you... I should have called -- What kind of trouble are you in? -That bad? Would I have called you if it wasn't? If there was any other way -- -Would I have called you if it wasn't? If there was any other way -- Tell me what I can do. -This is Warrant Officer Julia Osborne, the closest thing we have to an in- house investigator. And here you are going out of house. How's that make you feel, Jules? -"The official term for it is ""Clusterfuck"". By the time Beth hit us, I'd canceled all off base exercises save one -- a six man cadet team and their Drill out in the bush. We're missing three and the Sergeant. The cadets are in their eighth week of the cycle, nobody here knows much about them, up to and including their names. But the Sergeant..." It's not West, is it? Tell me it's not West. -A few years ago, the Army picked our good buddy as their go to non-com to trot out to the press to talk about the kinder, gentler military. He even did the standard video greeting played to all incoming Basic cadets across the country. Well, he's a good soldier. -"The exercise was one of his Section Eight ""private sessions"". Left around 2100 yesterday and were scheduled for pick up at 0630 this morning." And the problem is you only got three. -And the problem is you only got three. No, the problem is one's dead, one's got a bullet in his arm, and one won't talk. The one who won't talk was trading live fire with the dead one as we reached the pick-up. -No, the problem is one's dead, one's got a bullet in his arm, and one won't talk. The one who won't talk was trading live fire with the dead one as we reached the pick-up. I'm assuming that's what made him the dead one? -I'm assuming that's what made him the dead one? Cadet Roberto R. Nunez. Killed right in front of me. -Which gives us about five hours. Why'd you call me? The guy in interrogation said he'd only talk to a cop. -The guy in interrogation said he'd only talk to a cop. And I'm the closest thing to it, right? -Tom, bottom line: I let those kids go out there. If JAG shows up and I don't have any answers for them, my career is finished -- I'm not gonna let that happen. -He's not done by a longshot, I can get more out of him -- He can wait. Kendall's out of surgery. -Pike killed West, Dunbar killed Mueller, Childs, and Nunez. Who killed Pike? -Who killed Pike? Someone must have got a shot off. He wasn't exactly a moving target. -We've already been over the terrain twice. Nothing. There was a hurricane, Bill, the wind probably moved it. -There was a hurricane, Bill, the wind probably moved it. Habeas Corpus -- you have to have a body to have a crime. -Habeas Corpus -- you have to have a body to have a crime. Okay, then let's widen the search to include the endzone in Giants Stadium and the trunk of my car -- -Okay, then let's widen the search to include the endzone in Giants Stadium and the trunk of my car -- Without the body we have no physical proof. We need a confession. -Without the body we have no physical proof. We need a confession. From Dunbar? I hate to break this to you, but I don't think he's gonna be all that psyched to put himself in for the death penalty. -From Dunbar? I hate to break this to you, but I don't think he's gonna be all that psyched to put himself in for the death penalty. Nevertheless -- -Nevertheless -- Nevertheless what'? Kendall will testify and that'll be enough. -Nevertheless what'? Kendall will testify and that'll be enough. Not for me. -You mean not enough to save you. JAG gets here in three hours. Try for the confession. -Tom, where are you going -- Home, I'm done. -Home, I'm done. What about the confession? -You want a confession? Why don't you confess, Bill: people are dead and you don't give a shit about it! Only reason you called me is to protect your fucking job, you know this is your fault -- What the hell are you talking about -- -What the hell are you talking about -- I'm talking about West! We had him, Bill, we were there. You're the fucking Base Commander, you knew what he did to Cadets and you let him go on the way he always he has -- -What I said before -- Was dead right. You think Dunbar's on the level? -Was dead right. You think Dunbar's on the level? Yeah. -Yeah. Does Osborne agree? -It's over. Time of death was 4:42. JAG's been notified and I called the Senator myself. My report will reflect that his medical condition made this unavoidable... you two had no culpability in the matter. That's horseshit and you know it. -That's horseshit and you know it. Maybe. But it's my fault and I'll carry it. -You think you could explain all this to me? I wouldn't know where to start. I guess it was about one man framing another. He thought if the other guy got blamed, people would over look his own wrong doings. -They're taking your command, aren't they? The Senator... -I'm sorry, Bill. Don't be. I'm not cut out to deal with the West's of the world. -Don't be. I'm not cut out to deal with the West's of the world. You're a good soldier, Bill. -You're a good soldier, Bill. I thought you said that wasn't a compliment. -It was so good, I actually forgot you're one of the bigger dogs now. The Base Commander. The one in control. You couldn't let him testify, could you? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? If you let him testify then it would have all come out. West was supposed to take care of it out there, shut Nunez up and then disappear. But it got messy and people got killed. So you called your old pal Tom Hardy, figuring if worse came to worse, he'd cover for you. -If you let him testify then it would have all come out. West was supposed to take care of it out there, shut Nunez up and then disappear. But it got messy and people got killed. So you called your old pal Tom Hardy, figuring if worse came to worse, he'd cover for you. You're drunk -- -You're drunk -- I'm not going to cover for you, Bill. Not for this. -Stay where you are. Or what? You've gone round the bend -- -Or what? You've gone round the bend -- West had a partner. Someone who knew how to get things done. -What I can't understand is why you signed these. If you'd just let West take care of the paperwork, no one would have known, but you got careless. So when Pike finally told the truth you had to get rid of him, too. That's preposterous -- -That's preposterous -- Toxicology report came back. Kendall's attack was caused by a drug known as anephadrine, maybe you've heard of it. It's for asthmatics. If an epileptic takes enough, it kills them. I checked with the nurses at the hospital -- you're the only other person who visited Kendall. -Toxicology report came back. Kendall's attack was caused by a drug known as anephadrine, maybe you've heard of it. It's for asthmatics. If an epileptic takes enough, it kills them. I checked with the nurses at the hospital -- you're the only other person who visited Kendall. I wanted to see if he was okay -- -I wanted to see if he was okay -- You poisoned him, Bill. You heard our interrogation, you knew he was ready to crack, so you killed him, just like Pike. -You poisoned him, Bill. You heard our interrogation, you knew he was ready to crack, so you killed him, just like Pike. I'm not even going to dignify that -- -I'm not even going to dignify that -- No! You will stand there and you will listen! What happened to you, Bill? You were the one who joined up to do good in the world. You were the one who believed in it -- -No! You will stand there and you will listen! What happened to you, Bill? You were the one who joined up to do good in the world. You were the one who believed in it -- You want to get into a finger pointing contest about character? The army kicked you out for drugs, the cops fired you for taking bribes from a mobster, and you think you can stand there and lecture me on codes of conduct? There's only one criminal standing in this room and it's you. -You want to get into a finger pointing contest about character? The army kicked you out for drugs, the cops fired you for taking bribes from a mobster, and you think you can stand there and lecture me on codes of conduct? There's only one criminal standing in this room and it's you. Not for long. -No more witnesses. West's a ghost. But it doesn't matter because we have your signature, the hospital log, and Kendall's toxicology report. And that'll be enough. You're crazy -- -You're crazy -- You can't duck this, Bill. I may have done every goddamn thing in my life wrong but I won't let this happen. -You can't duck this, Bill. I may have done every goddamn thing in my life wrong but I won't let this happen. For the last time, I have no idea what you're talking about -- -For the last time, I have no idea what you're talking about -- Get your hands away from the desk! -Hostile and uncooperative. Fantastic. You want to tell me what's going on? -Ah, Christ You knew Sergeant West? -You knew Sergeant West? He was our Drill here. Man's older than sand. -I didn't mean that as a compliment. Sergeant West's served for twenty- three years. He's the public face of the modern Army. -Sergeant West's served for twenty- three years. He's the public face of the modern Army. And you notice I'm not in the Army anymore. -Gotta be honest, I love what you've done with the place -- You and the Colonel go back. -You and the Colonel go back. He got me through Basic and a lot of other stuff. I owe him. -He got me through Basic and a lot of other stuff. I owe him. You're the Tom Hardy I've been reading about in the papers, right? New Orleans PD fired you for taking bribes from Guissepe Torres. -You're the Tom Hardy I've been reading about in the papers, right? New Orleans PD fired you for taking bribes from Guissepe Torres. It was for suspicion of bribery, it's really all in the wording -- -It was for suspicion of bribery, it's really all in the wording -- Wording and your friendship with the Colonel aside, I'm not comfortable having you involved in this. -Wording and your friendship with the Colonel aside, I'm not comfortable having you involved in this. Subtlety really isn't one of you finer points, is it, Osborne? -Three things. First -- You don't have a choice. Second -- I've never taken a bribe in my life. And Third -- I'm still a little drunk from last night, so if I skip over the witty banter and move forward to straight hitting on you, try not to take offense. Tell me about the two guys. Hurricane knocked out our Mainframe, so all we have are their dogtags. Cadets Raymond Dunbar and Levi Kendall -- -Hurricane knocked out our Mainframe, so all we have are their dogtags. Cadets Raymond Dunbar and Levi Kendall -- Levi? Who names their kid Levi -- -Levi? Who names their kid Levi -- Senator Jonathan Kendall, of Ohio. -Senator Jonathan Kendall, of Ohio. Christ... Remind me to thank Bill for mentioning that on the phone -- -Christ... Remind me to thank Bill for mentioning that on the phone -- Kendall Junior is still in surgery, so he won't be available to answer for his name or anything else for another hour -- the cadet we're talking to first is Dunbar. -Kendall Junior is still in surgery, so he won't be available to answer for his name or anything else for another hour -- the cadet we're talking to first is Dunbar. He's in interrogation? -He's in interrogation? Yes. -Yes. Move him. -Move him. Why? -Why? Because interrogation rooms look suspiciously like interrogation rooms, which doesn't exactly put people at ease. Is he cute? -Because interrogation rooms look suspiciously like interrogation rooms, which doesn't exactly put people at ease. Is he cute? Excuse me? -Excuse me? Is Dunbar cute? -Is Dunbar cute? That is the most unprofessional -- -That is the most unprofessional -- Is he handsome, self assured, carry himself well, does he look you in the eyes or down at the floor, does he have good bones, suggesting good breeding, does he slouch or sit up straight -- these are important questions, as they reveal a great deal about this man's character so please get over yourself for two and a half seconds and tell me is he cute? -Thank you. At some point in there I'm gonna rub my nose. When I do, go at him with everything you got. Good cop/bad cop? -Good cop/bad cop? Something like that. -I questioned him for three hours and he didn't make a sound. You don't have a badge, he won't talk to you. Ten bucks says I have him talking in under three minutes. -The Colonel saw you shoot Nunez, you're a murderer -- "See, Ray, this is what we call ""good cop, bad cop"". She shouts, I stand up for you, you're grateful, a bond of trust is established." -Baseball? I believe somebody owes me ten dollars -- -I believe somebody owes me ten dollars -- You made me look like an idiot -- -You made me look like an idiot -- Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know the object of the interrogation is to make you look good -- Everyone knows good cop, bad cop -- by admitting it I appeared trustworthy. -You really want to make banal chit- chat like that now? You're right. We should sit in silence. -You're right. We should sit in silence. We're in the middle of a murder case -- -We're in the middle of a murder case -- Best time for banal chit-chat. -What is that? Microrecorder for Kendall -- didn't have time to wire his room. Now tell me why you joined the army or I'll jab this pen through your neck. -Typical army brat story. Dad was noncom, Mom was a Nurse. There was never any real doubt of joining up. You had a mobile of bayonets above your crib. -You had a mobile of bayonets above your crib. Something like that. You? -Something like that. You? I lost a bet. -You're kidding. Yeah. That's just the story I tell the girls to get them into bed. Truth is... I don't know. The whole honor and duty thing. Make a difference in the world, crap like that. Didn't really work out. -This is the straight hitting on me you were talking about, isn't it? The very same. -The very same. You do understand that there's absolutely no way I could ever be attracted to you, right? -You do understand that there's absolutely no way I could ever be attracted to you, right? I plan to grow on you. -I plan to grow on you. You're off to a late start. -You're off to a late start. So noted. -You guys really got the shit kicked out of you here. Imagine what it must have been like for them out there. What do you think of Dunbar? -Imagine what it must have been like for them out there. What do you think of Dunbar? He's telling the truth, up to a point. -He's telling the truth, up to a point. What point? -Something wrong? Being back here. Gives me the willies. -Being back here. Gives me the willies. Not the happiest of memories? -Remember, he's the son of a Senator, so go easy. Kid gloves. Got it. -That was kid gloves? Have no fear, Osborne, we have not yet begun to fight. -But we have to question him -- Thought you didn't have cigarettes -- I lied. Wait for it... -"""Too neat."" How long have you been an investigator?" I don't think that has anything to do with -- -I don't think that has anything to do with -- That means under a year. Let me explain what ten years of police work has taught me -- murder is basic. There are no conspiracies, no grand mysteries, and no evil puppet masters behind it all, pulling the strings; murder is shitty people doing a shitty thing to other shitty people -- it doesn't always make sense but it's always neat. Dunbar's our guy. -I just... He came back for Kendall. I don't think he's capable of murder. Everyone's capable of murder, Osborne. -Look, all we've got is what Kendall says, and he didn't actually witness any deaths except Nunez. He found West, he saw Mueller and Pike, but just their bodies -- he didn't see any crime committed. Well, I'm sure if he'd known this was all going to happen he'd have tried harder to witness it for you -- -Why the fuck wasn't he in restraints? I don't know. -Styles couldn't reassign him, he's a legend -- You knew what he was capable of and you just stood by. It was just a matter of time till somebody fragged his ass, and you know what? He deserved it. There's your confession. -Goddammit, Hardy, you can't just leave -- Watch me. -Watch me. You said you owed Styles and now you're gonna turn your back on him? -West was a monster! Fifteen years ago, I was here, I was Section Eight, I was Pike. Fuck being the knife dummy -- that thing he did, stripping Pike down, making him stand outside all night? He did that every year, he did that to me. Fifteen years ago, I wanted him dead, and now I'm supposed to care that somebody offed him? Sorry, no can do. I tried. You did more than try. You cracked Dunbar in less than three minutes, as an investigator you're phenomenal -- -You did more than try. You cracked Dunbar in less than three minutes, as an investigator you're phenomenal -- Phenomenal at taking bribes, right? -I was starting to believe you, you know? That you weren't who everyone said. I guess I was wrong -- "Oh, spare me the reverse psychology bullshit! This isn't my ""great second chance"", Osborne. Everyone thinks I'm a piece of shit cop who took money and nothing is going to change that. Nobody will ever know what happens here --" -"Oh, spare me the reverse psychology bullshit! This isn't my ""great second chance"", Osborne. Everyone thinks I'm a piece of shit cop who took money and nothing is going to change that. Nobody will ever know what happens here --" But you will. -Why do you care? Because it's my job. Because people are dead. Because of the whole honor and duty thing, make a difference in the world, crap like that. We can do this, Hardy. -I didn't shoot West... What? -What? Dunbar... He said he didn't shoot West. West wasn't shot, Kendall said he was blown apart by a phosphorous grenade and Dunbar never saw the body. -At least you and Kendall agree on that. What happened next? -Talk it through: Childs, Mueller, and Nunez know they're going out on the regular Tuesday Night drill, hurricane or no hurricane, so they plan it: Kill West, pin it on Pike. And they're smart about it. They know when you commit a crime you know is going to be investigated, you need a fall guy and for that to work, you have to have a witness. -And they're smart about it. They know when you commit a crime you know is going to be investigated, you need a fall guy and for that to work, you have to have a witness. Dunbar. -Dunbar. Exactly, someone who's not involved, who's word can't be questioned. You only let them see what you want them to see, you make them believe, so when the time comes, they've totally bought into your version of events. -Exactly, someone who's not involved, who's word can't be questioned. You only let them see what you want them to see, you make them believe, so when the time comes, they've totally bought into your version of events. They believe the innocent are guilty and the guilty are innocent. -They believe the innocent are guilty and the guilty are innocent. And if they're asked, that's what they'll tell the, world. -And if they're asked, that's what they'll tell the, world. So it's a good plan but it goes wrong; Mueller flips out and shoots their fall guy, which means they have to bring Dunbar and Kendall into the cover story -- -So it's a good plan but it goes wrong; Mueller flips out and shoots their fall guy, which means they have to bring Dunbar and Kendall into the cover story -- Kendall maybe would have agreed, but the hurricane buttfucks the cabin -- -Kendall maybe would have agreed, but the hurricane buttfucks the cabin -- Buttfucks the cabin? -Buttfucks the cabin? And all hell breaks loose. A lot of Good guys shoot a lot of bad guys and whiz, bang, zoom, happy ending. -And all hell breaks loose. A lot of Good guys shoot a lot of bad guys and whiz, bang, zoom, happy ending. So why, after Dunbar drags Kendall out from under a house, does the Senator's son try and get us to put his savior in the gas chamber? -So why, after Dunbar drags Kendall out from under a house, does the Senator's son try and get us to put his savior in the gas chamber? That bugs you too? -That bugs you too? Little bit. -Little bit. Let's go talk to Bill... -We're fucked, I know -- They got their stories straight. -They got their stories straight. What? -What? "What Kendall said -- ""the type of guys you don't feel comfortable going to sleep around."" That's what Dunbar said about Childs to the letter." -"What Kendall said -- ""the type of guys you don't feel comfortable going to sleep around."" That's what Dunbar said about Childs to the letter." Are you sure? -Are you sure? Positive. Hardy, they planned this. -Why don't you talk to Levi off the record for a second? Good idea. -That's a fantastic idea -- See, I just take your gun to the morgue and fire it into one of their skulls; then I call every newspaper in the country with the story about how Senator Kendall's gay son went nuts on a training mission -- -I pushed him too hard. You couldn't have known -- -You couldn't have known -- Yeah, I could've. Should've. -Yeah, I could've. Should've. You wanted to get the truth. -You wanted to get the truth. No, I didn't. I wanted to humiliate him. For what he did to Dunbar. For fucking over the little guy. -No, I didn't. I wanted to humiliate him. For what he did to Dunbar. For fucking over the little guy. You mean the falsely accused? -You wanted to break him. Yeah. -Yeah. So did I. -So what now? Now I go home, get drunk, and try and forget this ever happened. -Now I go home, get drunk, and try and forget this ever happened. Think it'll work? -Think it'll work? Nah. -You know, you never told me why you left the army. It dawned on me one day that we were supposed to be a nation founded on the principle of questioning authority... and all I did here was follow orders. It didn't add up. Plus, I got kicked out. -It dawned on me one day that we were supposed to be a nation founded on the principle of questioning authority... and all I did here was follow orders. It didn't add up. Plus, I got kicked out. For what? -For what? That's gonna stay my secret. -We were close to something with Kendall. Maybe... Maybe we were nowhere near. Sometimes mysteries stay mysteries. I haven't by any chance grown on you, have I? -Maybe... Maybe we were nowhere near. Sometimes mysteries stay mysteries. I haven't by any chance grown on you, have I? No. -No. Good, just making sure. -Four -- Get in. -We got maybe three minutes till they break it down. Right back where we started. -Hardy, what are you doing -- Isn't this how your story goes? -We can tie you to the chair if it'll work better for you -- Hardy, for Chrissakes -- -Hardy, for Chrissakes -- WHERE'S WEST'S BODY? -No bodies, no West... No death certificates. No crime. -We need to talk -- Seven. -What? "Seven guys. What was it you said? You were ""just starting to believe I wasn't the guy people said""." -This isn't the time -- This is the perfect time. You know what makes a good detective? The number of confessions they get. You're a good detective, Osborne. So now you get mine. -This is the perfect time. You know what makes a good detective? The number of confessions they get. You're a good detective, Osborne. So now you get mine. What if I don't want it? -What if I don't want it? Tough. -That's not true. There are degrees of truth, officer. Always degrees. -There are degrees of truth, officer. Always degrees. You're a good man, Hardy. -You're a good man, Hardy. Really. -Really. Far as I'm concerned, whatever you did in the past can stay in the past. -West? Nobody saw. But I don't think so. -Do I have a choice in this? Yeah. I can wait till you're off the base and do it myself. -What are you doing out here? Leaving without saying goodbye. What are you gonna do? -Leaving without saying goodbye. What are you gonna do? Go home, get drunk, and try and forget this ever happened. -Go home, get drunk, and try and forget this ever happened. Think it'll work? -Think it'll work? Nah. -Nah. Want company? -A word of advice about women -- that first hour or so after they kill their boss? Probably not the best time to hit on them. I should probably write that down. -I should probably write that down. Yeah. -Your phone number? In case you need me to testify about the shooting. They'll clear you. -He was your friend. Yeah. But he was a lot of other things, too. Thanks. -The thing is, we've got a real opportunity here. You turn me in tomorrow and we're both fucked -- What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? A gay Senator's son who let his Sarge get fragged on a training exercise? The press'll crucify you and your father. His career will be over and it'll be your fault. But we do this different and you come out a hero. -How? Mueller. He's as bad as West and we both know it. Now I can't do it, cause I'm tied up, but we get the others to go along -- -Mueller. He's as bad as West and we both know it. Now I can't do it, cause I'm tied up, but we get the others to go along -- I don't think I want to hear this -- -I don't think I want to hear this -- Someone else can do the deed, it doesn't have to be you. Maybe Nunez too, he's got a tendency to follow Mueller, but the rest of us can come out ahead -- the guys who took out their Sergeant's killers! We'll move the bodies out to the creek and say we came over the hill right as they fragged West, all we gotta do is tell the story right. -Pike, please -- Although that won't matter much when coupled with the murder charge -- -Maybe we shouldn't go. The faggot speaks. -The faggot speaks. You ever been in a hurricane, Mueller? -You ever been in a hurricane, Mueller? You ever been in a hurricane, Mueller? -We should tell him we're not going. "Oh, yeah, ""Excuse me, Sergeant, sir, we don't feel like going out -- we don't want to get rained on."" He'll kick our asses from here to Cleveland." -They found him. Poor fucker was practically blown in half -- Poor fucker my ass... -Poor fucker my ass... You better watch it, faggot, I'm not sure you and Childs didn't do him -- -Pike and I got separated -- Yeah and he doesn't know when -- -Yeah and he doesn't know when -- I remember now, it was before the explosion -- -I remember now, it was before the explosion -- Oh, you remember now -- -Oh, you remember now -- I'm about two seconds away from seeing if fairies really can fly -- -I was freezing from the hurricane -- So you took off your shirt? -So you took off your shirt? To start a fire, goddammit! What about him, huh? Maybe he offed the Sarge and changed shirts, brought an extra one in his pack. Y'ever think of that? Go ahead, cut him loose! First chance he gets, he'll waste the rest of us, that's how they work -- -We just want -- "What, ""The Truth""? Please. There are degrees of truth, officer, always degrees. Things are not what they seem." -He couldn't kick you out so he wanted you to quit on your own. He wanted more than that. -He said what? """You're gonna die tonight, faggot"". Clear as day." -"""You're gonna die tonight, faggot"". Clear as day." No one else heard it? -No one else heard it? He whispered it in my ear. -Nunez was chasing Dunbar. Because he'd shot Mueller. -Because he'd shot Mueller. But you didn't see it, right? -But you didn't see it, right? Like I said, I was in the kitchen. When I came out, Mueller and Pike were dead, Nunez and Childs were hit and Dunbar was gone. -Pike never confessed. We've been making progress, I see. -Running out of time, are we? Tick- tock, tick-tock, how long till your witnesses fly the coop? Fifty minutes. -Fifty minutes. Not much time to solve the crime. Tell me, detective, how did it feel taking blood money from Guissepe Torres? Did it weigh on your conscience or did you just not think about it? -Pike never confessed. No, but it got you interested, didn't it? Got you to dig. Inspired Ray to tell you terribly sordid tales about drugs and creek beds and dead little sergeants who stuck their noses where they didn't belong. -Dunbar says you were. Then he's mistaken. You know, I really don't think my father would approve of this line of questioning -- -You and Dunbar got your stories straight. Little details, little inconsistencies, designed to bounce us back from one of you to the other, asking questions, killing time, until the transport arrives and whisks you away to where Senator Daddy can protect you. You think you're just going to slide out of this? You're an accessory to murder, Levi, you're going to jail -- You can't threaten me -- -It doesn't matter, Levi. We're going to find those bodies and when we do, I'm going to make sure one of them has a bullet in them that matches your weapon -- What? -It won't work -- It will and you know why? Because you're not a person anymore, you're a cadet in the United States Army; you have no identity, no Miranda warning, and no rights. So I'm gonna throw you to the wolves, and unlike you, I'm gonna get away with it, because you're pissing me off! -Enjoy your flight to Washington -- Wait -- -Wait -- What. -Dunbar's telling the truth. Wrong answer -- -Wrong answer -- We did get our stories straight, but not because we killed anyone. It was because I threatened him. -Who, Levi -- Childs. -I told him what had really happened to West. Told him to keep quiet about it or I'd destroy him. Because if it came out that I was involved with the whole PX scam, my father would be finished. I scared Dunbar into silence. He's been trying to cover for me the whole time. We got here, you came to see me... I didn't know if I could trust him with that kind of secret -- -I scared Dunbar into silence. He's been trying to cover for me the whole time. We got here, you came to see me... I didn't know if I could trust him with that kind of secret -- So you framed him. The same way Childs was going to frame Pike. -What happened with Nunez? He came after us. And I told Dunbar he had to kill him... -Hurricane's due after midnight and we're still going out? Toughens us up, Pike. You don't like it, quit. -What the fuck happened to you -- What the fuck happened to you? One minute you're next to me and the next you're gone and the sky lights up like fucking Christmas -- -Whoever shot the Sarge blew a grenade first -- Blame the nigger, then, huh? Someone turns up dead, you just look for the darkest face in the crowd -- -Thank God... What the fuck are you doing? -This place is going, Mueller. We gotta move -- Shut the fuck up. He was gonna cut him loose. -We all know what you did, Pike. I don't know what kind of nigger voodoo you been working in here, but -- Where's your shirt, Mueller? -Where's your shirt, Mueller? I used it to start the fire -- -I used it to start the fire -- Still got mine on, not a speck of blood on it. Not a bad trick for a murderer -- you said you burned yours? -Goddammit, Ray, we gotta get out of here -- We're not going anywhere. -Cadet Michael Mueller, I hereby place you under military arrest for the murder of Sergeant Nathan West -- The fuck are you talking about -- -The fuck are you talking about -- You are to be stripped of all weapons and placed under guard -- -You are to be stripped of all weapons and placed under guard -- Bullshit -- -Bullshit -- Until we return to base, and ballistics can match your weapon to the slugs in Sergeant West's body -- -Until we return to base, and ballistics can match your weapon to the slugs in Sergeant West's body -- Shut up! -Tell him to shut up -- -- failure to comply with this arrest is a court martialable offense in and of itself -- -Sign here and here. Hey, ain't you the folks workin' on that whole hulabaloo from last night? Yeah. -Yeah. Terrible tragedy. One of those Section Eight boys worked in here. Pike. Heard he got out okay. -Funny. I swear I saw them bring him and the smaller guy in this morning. No, no that was Cadet Dunbar -- -No, no that was Cadet Dunbar -- You mean Ray Dunbar? Well, that ain't right. -So? Ma'am, Ray Dunbar's black. -This is totally unnecessary -- He asked to see a policeman, we're getting him a policeman. -He asked to see a policeman, we're getting him a policeman. But this guy you called, he's not even Army -- -But this guy you called, he's not even Army -- He's former Army and the best I've ever seen in a room. Besides, he knows the territory, we did Basic together here. You've had three hours with Dunbar and haven't gotten a peep, we need to take a different tack. -He's former Army and the best I've ever seen in a room. Besides, he knows the territory, we did Basic together here. You've had three hours with Dunbar and haven't gotten a peep, we need to take a different tack. He's not Army, it's not official -- -He's not Army, it's not official -- Then it's unofficial. -Search parties for the others are fanning out in a ten click radius from the pickup. If they're hurt and we can get to them in time... I called the JAG Corps, the two cadets we retrieved are to be flown to D.C. on a transport leaving here at 1700 -- -You think he did it? No -- -What do you think? It's too neat. -You want Kendall, don't you? He tried to burn Dunbar to us. You don't do that if you're not involved. -You both know if you do this, if you go after a Senator's son and you're wrong... it's not just me in the hot seat anymore. We know. -We know. I'm giving you a chance to walk away. -What happens to Dunbar now? Gets on his plane in ten minutes, which means you two are done. You'll understand if I don't walk you out. -You never told me why you got kicked out of... The army kicked you out for drugs... -You motherfuckers have just made the worst mistake of your lives! You have chosen to join my Army! This Army is my mother, my father, and my little virgin sister and I will not allow anyone or anything that is not up to my standards near her pretty little virgin cooze, do you understand me -- give me a sir, yes, sir! Sir, yes, sir! -Sir, yes, sir! Those who I deem unworthy to pass through this camp will quit, and those who refuse to quit I will kill. You ever hear of a training accident -- give me a sir, yes, sir! -Those who I deem unworthy to pass through this camp will quit, and those who refuse to quit I will kill. You ever hear of a training accident -- give me a sir, yes, sir! Sir, yes, sir! -Sir, yes, sir! In my time I have killed sixteen men for the good of my country, sixteen men whose entrance into this Army I could not condone, as it would weaken the fabric of this nation's defense! This base suffers an average of three training accidents a year, unfortunate incidents that I will not hesitate to repeat if you cross me, understand -- give me a sir, yes, sir! -In my time I have killed sixteen men for the good of my country, sixteen men whose entrance into this Army I could not condone, as it would weaken the fabric of this nation's defense! This base suffers an average of three training accidents a year, unfortunate incidents that I will not hesitate to repeat if you cross me, understand -- give me a sir, yes, sir! Sir, yes, sir! -Sir, yes, sir! So forget what you've seen on Sixty fucking Minutes about the kinder, gentler military -- you will either succeed, quit, or die by my hand! -Some of you may have heard there's a hurricane coming! American soldiers do not wait for good weather -- they do not wait for a bright sunshiney day to do their duty! An American Soldier learns to operate in the worst conditions and turn said conditions into an advantage against their enemy! Anyone who thinks these conditions are too harsh, feel free to lay down and die, you get me? Sir, yes, sir! -Sir, yes, sir! LZ is two clicks North of a cabin, you are to split into teams of two and work your way through your designated area blasting as many targets as you can find! Each area has twenty targets, first team to take all twenty and find the cabin wins! Teams are as follows -- Dunbar and Nunez, Pike and Mueller, Kendall and Childs! -Great, great. That's fantastic. It was on that night Karl met his destiny. And I met mine. Almost. -Hey kid! Your friend just made himself a star. That's great. -See! The big guy likes it. I just saw the woman I'm going to marry, I know it. But then I lost her. -I just saw the woman I'm going to marry, I know it. But then I lost her. Tough break. Most men have to get married before they lose their wives. -Tough break. Most men have to get married before they lose their wives. I'm going to spend the rest of my life looking for her. That or die alone. -I'm going to spend the rest of my life looking for her. That or die alone. Jesus, kid. Let me guess. Real pretty, blonde hair, blue hat? -Jesus, kid. Let me guess. Real pretty, blonde hair, blue hat? Yes! -Yes! I know her uncle. Friends of the family. -I know her uncle. Friends of the family. Who is she? Where does she live? -Who is she? Where does she live? Kid. Don't waste your time. She's out of your league. -What do you mean? You don't even know me. Sure I do. You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat. You don't have a plan. You don't have a job. You don't have anything but the clothes on your back. -Sure I do. You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat. You don't have a plan. You don't have a job. You don't have anything but the clothes on your back. I've got a whole backpack full of clothes! -Someone stole my backpack. Kid, you were a big fish in a small pond. This here is the ocean, and you're drowning. Take my advice and go back to Puddleville. You'll be happy there. -I don't have a job, but I would have a job if you gave me one. And I may not have much, but I have more determination than any man you're ever going to meet. Sorry, kid. I don't do charity. -Sorry, kid. I don't do charity. I'll work night and day, and you won't have to pay me. You just have to tell me who she is. -Didn't kill anything, did I? A few rabbits, but I think one of them was already dead. -A few rabbits, but I think one of them was already dead. That would explain the indigestion. -I was wrong about you kid. You may not have much, but what you got, you got a lot of. You could get any girl. There's only one I want. -Her name is Sandra Templeton. She's going to Auburn. The semester's almost over, so you better hurry. Thank you. -Thank you. Good luck, kid. -Welcome to ya. What's your name? Edward Bloom. -Bloom like a flower? Yes. -Yes. Oh. Here! Right here. Edward Bloom. We weren't expecting you yet. -You were expecting me? Not yet. -What is this place? The town of Spectre. Best kept secret in Alabama. Says here you're from Ashton, right? Last person we had from Ashton was Norther Winslow. -The town of Spectre. Best kept secret in Alabama. Says here you're from Ashton, right? Last person we had from Ashton was Norther Winslow. The poet? What ever happened to him? -The poet? What ever happened to him? He's still here. Let me buy you a drink. I'll tell you all about it. Hell, I'll have him tell you. -He's still here. Let me buy you a drink. I'll tell you all about it. Hell, I'll have him tell you. No. I've gotta meet somebody. I'm already running late. -Now tell me if that isn't the best pie you ever ate. It truly is. -I have to leave. Tonight. Why? -Why? This town is everything a man could ask for. And if I were to end up here, I'd consider myself lucky. But the fact is, I'm not ready to end up anywhere. -This town is everything a man could ask for. And if I were to end up here, I'd consider myself lucky. But the fact is, I'm not ready to end up anywhere. No one's ever left. -You won't find a better place! I don't expect to. -Or are you too scared? I'll go in right now and get that eye. -I'll go in right now and get that eye. Then do it. -Then do it. Fine, I will. -Fine, I will. Fine, you do it. -Fine, you do it. Fine, I'm doing it. -You get the eye? I brought it. -I brought it. Let's see it. -Bloom! Don. -Don. What the hell are you doing? This is my girl. Mine! -What the hell are you doing? This is my girl. Mine! I didn't know she belonged to anybody. -Will. Dr. Bennett. It's good to see you. My wife, Josephine. -Dr. Bennett. It's good to see you. My wife, Josephine. A pleasure. -Can I see him? Absolutely. Be good for you to talk to him. -Glad to see you're not trying to have a heartfelt talk. It's one of my greatest annoyances, when people talk to those who can't hear them. My father and I have an advantage. We never talk. -How long have you known my father? Thirty years. Maybe more. -Thirty years. Maybe more. How would you describe him? -How would you describe him? Five-eleven. One-eighty. Regulated hypertension. How would his son describe him? -Did your father ever tell you about the day you were born? A thousand times. He caught an uncatchable fish. -A thousand times. He caught an uncatchable fish. Not that one. The real story. Did he ever tell you that? -Not that one. The real story. Did he ever tell you that? No. -No. Your mother came in about three in the afternoon. Her neighbor drove her, on account of your father was on business in Wichita. You were born a week early, but there were no complications. It was a perfect delivery. Now, your father was sorry to miss it, but it wasn't the custom for the men to be in the room for deliveries then, so I can't see as it would have been much different had he been there. And that's the real story of how you were born. -Did you see that woman? What did she look like? -What did she look like? Well, she... uh... -Well, she... uh... Was she nekkid? -Yeah. It's not a woman, it's a fish. No one ever catches her. -How old are you? Eighteen. -Eighteen. I'm eight. That means when I'm eighteen, you'll be 28. And when I'm 28, you'll only be 38. -I'm eight. That means when I'm eighteen, you'll be 28. And when I'm 28, you'll only be 38. You're pretty good at arithmetic. -You're pretty good at arithmetic. And when I'm 38, you'll be 48. And that's not much difference at all. -How are you gonna make it without your shoes? I suspect it will hurt a lot. -Promise me you'll come back. I promise. Someday. When I'm really supposed to. -You must be Edward Bloom. How did you know? -No one would come out here unless they had business. And no one would have business with me except for you. You're buying the town. Apparently I've overlooked this one piece of it, and I'd like to remedy that. You see, in order for the town to be preserved, the trust must own it in its entirety. -Apparently I've overlooked this one piece of it, and I'd like to remedy that. You see, in order for the town to be preserved, the trust must own it in its entirety. So I've heard. -So I've heard. I'll offer you more than it's worth. And you know you won't have to move. Nothing will change except the name on the deed, you have my word. -In so many words, yes. Then I don't think so Mr. Bloom. If nothing is going to change, I'd just as soon it not change in the way it hasn't been changing all this time. -Then I don't think so Mr. Bloom. If nothing is going to change, I'd just as soon it not change in the way it hasn't been changing all this time. It's not like you're going to lose anything. You can ask anyone in town. I've been nothing if not generous. I want the best for everyone. -Helping people makes me happy. I'm not convinced you should be happy. -I'm not convinced you should be happy. I'm sorry. Have I offended you? -You're Beamen's daughter. Your last name is different. You married. I was 18. He was 28. Turns out that was a big difference. -I won't be selling you this house, Mr. Bloom. I see. I thank you for your time. -It's okay, just leave it. I can get it. I can just... -Lord, I'm sorry I... Please. Go. Just go. -Please. Go. Just go. I'll... -I'll... Go. -Don't. Don't be embarrassed. I should never have let you think that... I am in love with my wife. I know. -I know. And from the moment I saw her until the moment I die, she's the only one. -And from the moment I saw her until the moment I die, she's the only one. Lucky girl. -Lucky girl. I'm sorry, Jenny. I am. -Really. You're lucky to get four words out of them in English. But if you were to walk through the jungle, you'd hear them speaking the most elaborate French. Those parrots talk about everything: politics, movies, fashion -- everything but religion. -Hi. How are you feeling? I was dreaming. -I was dreaming. What were you dreaming about? -"Means when you dream about something that's going to happen. Like one night, I had a dream where this crow came and told me, ""Your Aunt is going to die."" I was so scared I woke up my parents. They told me it was just a dream, to go back to bed. But the next morning, my Aunt Stacy was dead." That's terrible. -That's terrible. "Terrible for her, but think about me, young boy with that kind of power. Wasn't three weeks later that the crow came back to me in a dream and said, ""Your Grampa is going to die."" Well, I ran right back to my parents. My father said, no, Gramps is fine, but I could see there was trepidation. And true enough, that next morning my Grampa was dead." -Because see, my mother was banging the milkman. No, I understand. -No, I understand. He was slipping her a little extra cream. -He was buttering her rolls. Pumping her churn. Splashing milk in her box. Stop. -Stop. They were squeezing the cheese. Clanking the bottles. Licking the popsicle. -Spooning the sherbet. Can I take your picture? -Can I take your picture? You don't need a picture. Just look up handsome in the dictionary. -You don't need a picture. Just look up handsome in the dictionary. Please? -That's because we didn't have a wedding. Your mother-in-law was never supposed to marry me. She was engaged to somebody else. I never knew. -I never knew. Will never told you that? Probably just as well. He would have told it all wrong anyway. All the facts and none of the flavor. -Will never told you that? Probably just as well. He would have told it all wrong anyway. All the facts and none of the flavor. Oh, so this is a tall tale? -Oh, so this is a tall tale? Well, it's not a short one. -I thought you said you didn't have a church wedding. Well, we were all set to, but there was a complication. -Is it the medicine that's making you thirsty? Truth is, I've been thirsty my whole life. Never really known why. -There was one time when I was eleven... You were talking about your wedding. -You were talking about your wedding. I didn't forget. I was just working on a tangent. See, most men, they'll tell a story straight through, and it won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either. -I didn't forget. I was just working on a tangent. See, most men, they'll tell a story straight through, and it won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either. I like your stories. -I like your stories. And I like you. -Hardly two stories in the whole place. Now I've heard in real cities, they've got buildings so tall you can't even see the tops of 'em. Really? -Really? Wouldn't lie to you. And they've got all-you-can-eat buffets. You can eat a lot, can't you? -Wouldn't lie to you. And they've got all-you-can-eat buffets. You can eat a lot, can't you? I can. -I can. So why are you wasting your time in a small town? You're a big man. You should be in the big city. -You're just trying to get me to leave, aren't you? That's why they sent you here. What's your name, Giant? -What's your name, Giant? Karl. -Karl. Mine's Edward. And truthfully, I do want you to leave, Karl. But I want to leave with you. You think this town is too small for you, well, it's too small for a man of my ambition. I can't see staying here a day longer. -Mine's Edward. And truthfully, I do want you to leave, Karl. But I want to leave with you. You think this town is too small for you, well, it's too small for a man of my ambition. I can't see staying here a day longer. You don't like it? -You don't like it? I love every square inch of it. But I can feel the edges closing in on me. A man's life can only grow to a certain size in a place like this. So what do you say? Join me? -Okay. Okay. -What did she say? Beats me. -You know anyone's who's taken it? That poet, Norther Winslow did. He was going to Paris, France. He must have liked it, because no one ever heard from him again. Tell you what. You take the other way and I'll cut through here. Meet you on the far side. -You're not trying to run away? Just to be sure, you can take my pack. -You can see my predicament. My wedding ring, the symbol of fidelity to my wife, soon to be the mother of my child, was now lost in the gut of an uncatchable fish. Make him stop. -What, a father's not allowed to talk about his son? I am a footnote in that story. I am the context for your great adventure. Which never happened! Incidentally! You were selling novelty products in Wichita the day I was born. -I am a footnote in that story. I am the context for your great adventure. Which never happened! Incidentally! You were selling novelty products in Wichita the day I was born. Jesus Christ. -Jesus Christ. Friend of yours? Did you help him out of a bind? -Friend of yours? Did you help him out of a bind? Come on, Will. Everyone likes that story. -Come on, Will. Everyone likes that story. No Dad, they don't. I do not like the story. Not anymore, not after a thousand times. I know all the punchlines, Dad. I can tell them as well as you can. For one night, one night in your entire life, the universe does not revolve around Edward Bloom. It revolves around me and my wife. How can you not understand that? -The one about the witch. Your mom says I can't tell you that one anymore. You get nightmares. -Your mom says I can't tell you that one anymore. You get nightmares. I'm not scared. -You -- -- are in for a surprise. Am I? -Am I? Having a kid changes everything. I mean, there's the diapers and the burping and the midnight feedings... -Having a kid changes everything. I mean, there's the diapers and the burping and the midnight feedings... Did you do any of that? -Did you do any of that? No, but I hear it's terrible. Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill its head with nonsense and still it turns out perfectly fine. -No, but I hear it's terrible. Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill its head with nonsense and still it turns out perfectly fine. You think I'm up for it? -You think I'm up for it? You learned from the best. -People needn't worry so much. It's not my time yet. This isn't how I go. Really. -Really. Truly. I saw it in The Eye. -Truly. I saw it in The Eye. The Old Lady by the swamp. -The Old Lady by the swamp. She was a witch. -She was a witch. No, she was old and probably senile. Maybe schizophrenic. -No, she was old and probably senile. Maybe schizophrenic. I saw my death in that eye. And this is not how it happens. -I saw my death in that eye. And this is not how it happens. So how does it happen? -So how does it happen? Surprise ending. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you. -There was this panhandler who used to stop me every morning when I came out of this coffee shop near the office. Okay. -Okay. And every day I gave him a quarter. Every day. Then I got sick and was out for a couple of weeks. And when I went back there, you know what he said? -And every day I gave him a quarter. Every day. Then I got sick and was out for a couple of weeks. And when I went back there, you know what he said? What did he say? -What did he say? You owe me three-fifty. -You owe me three-fifty. Really. -Really. True story. -When did you ever work in an office? There's a lot you don't know about me. -There's a lot you don't know about me. You're right. -Dad, I'm hoping we can talk about some things while I'm here. You mean, while I'm here. -You mean, while I'm here. I'd just like to know the true versions of things. Events. Stories. You. -Your mother hasn't been keeping up the pool. If you wanted to you could... I will. -I will. You know where the chemicals are? -You know where the chemicals are? I used to do it when you were gone, remember? I used to do it a lot. -I thought you weren't dying. I said this isn't how I go. The last part is much more unusual. Trust me on that. -Why not religion, Dad? It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you're going to offend. -Josephine actually went to the Congo last year. Oh, so you know. -Did I ever tell you about how... Yes. -The maple tree and the Buick. We heard it. I think someone hasn't. -But the real story is how I got the car. You see... Dad? -Dad? Son? -Son? Can we talk? -Do you know much about icebergs, Dad? Do I? I saw an iceberg once. They were hauling it down to Texas for drinking water, only they didn't count on an elephant being frozen inside. The woolly kind. A mammoth. -Do I? I saw an iceberg once. They were hauling it down to Texas for drinking water, only they didn't count on an elephant being frozen inside. The woolly kind. A mammoth. Dad! -Dad! What? -What? I'm trying to make a metaphor here. -I'm trying to make a metaphor here. "Then you shouldn't have started with a question. Because people want to answer questions. You should have started with, ""The thing about icebergs is...""" -"Then you shouldn't have started with a question. Because people want to answer questions. You should have started with, ""The thing about icebergs is...""" The thing about icebergs is you only see 10 percent of them. The other 90 percent is below the water where you can't see it. And that's what it is with you Dad. I'm only seeing this little bit that sticks above the water. -The thing about icebergs is you only see 10 percent of them. The other 90 percent is below the water where you can't see it. And that's what it is with you Dad. I'm only seeing this little bit that sticks above the water. What, you're seeing down to my nose? My chin? -What, you're seeing down to my nose? My chin? I have no idea who you are because you have never told me a single fact. -I have no idea who you are because you have never told me a single fact. I've told you a thousand facts. That's all I do, Will. I tell stories. -I've told you a thousand facts. That's all I do, Will. I tell stories. You tell lies, Dad. You tell amusing lies. Stories are what you tell a five-year old at bedtime. They're not elaborate mythologies you maintain when your son is ten and fifteen and twenty and thirty. And the thing is, I believed you. I believed your stories so much longer than I should have. And then when I realized that everything you said was impossible -- everything! -- I felt like such a fool to have trusted you. You were like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny combined. Just as charming and just as fake. -You tell lies, Dad. You tell amusing lies. Stories are what you tell a five-year old at bedtime. They're not elaborate mythologies you maintain when your son is ten and fifteen and twenty and thirty. And the thing is, I believed you. I believed your stories so much longer than I should have. And then when I realized that everything you said was impossible -- everything! -- I felt like such a fool to have trusted you. You were like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny combined. Just as charming and just as fake. You think I'm fake. -You think I'm fake. Only on the surface. But that's all I've ever seen. -Dad, I'm about to have a kid of my own here. It would kill me if he went through his whole life never understanding me. It would kill you, huh? -What do you want, Will? Who do you want me to be? Yourself. Good, bad, everything. Just show me who you are for once. -Yourself. Good, bad, everything. Just show me who you are for once. I have been nothing but myself since the day I was born. And if you can't see that, it's your failing, not mine. -The river. The river? -Tell me how it happens. How what happens? -How what happens? How I go. -I can try, Dad. If you help. Just tell me how it starts. Like this. -Like this. Okay. Okay. -Let's get out of here. Somehow, you're better. Different. You're getting ready to go. And I say... -Where are we headed? You say... -You say... The River! -It's unbelievable. Story of my life. -You become what you always were. A very big fish. And that's the way it happens. Yes. Exactly. -I'm sorry. Don't need to apologize to me. I mean, I'm the luckiest person you're going to find today... -Oh. But you're wrong. I do know you, at least by reputation. Edward Bloom from Ashton. See, I'm actually engaged to a boy from Ashton. Don Price. He was a few years older than you. -Daffodils? They're your favorite flower. -They're your favorite flower. How did you get so many? -How did you get so many? I called everywhere in five states and explained this was the only way I could get my wife to marry me. -You don't even know me. I have the rest of my life to find out. -How can I convince you to stop? Go out with me. -I was drying out. I see. We need to get you one of those plant misters. We can spray you like a fern. -Wait! I need those! There is no softer ground than town. -I've been working on this poem for 12 years. Really. -Really. There's a lot of expectation. I don't want to disappoint my fans. -This is why you don't show work in progress. Norther, do you ever regret not making it to Paris? -Norther, do you ever regret not making it to Paris? I can't imagine any place better than here. -I can't imagine any place better than here. You're a poet. You oughta be able to. And maybe if you'd seen more, you could. -It's me. Norther Winslow. I was astonished to see the greatest poet of both Ashton and Spectre all the way out in Texas. -I don't believe it! I want you to know, when you left Spectre it opened my eyes. There was a whole life out there that I was not living. So I travelled. I saw France, and Africa, half of South America. Every day a new adventure, that's my motto. -I want you to know, when you left Spectre it opened my eyes. There was a whole life out there that I was not living. So I travelled. I saw France, and Africa, half of South America. Every day a new adventure, that's my motto. That's great, Norther. I'm happy for you. I can't believe I helped. -So what are you up to now? I'm robbing this place. -This is it? The whole vault. 'Fraid so. -'Fraid so. Edward, it's got your deposit slip on it. -Oh. Oh. Hello. -Hello. I wasn't expecting you. -Are you Jenny Hill? I am. And you're Will. I've seen your picture, that's how I recognize you. I almost said something at the store, but it would have been awkward. Like this. -How did you know my father? This was on his sales route, so he was through here all the time. Everyone in town knew him. -Were you and my father having an affair? Wow. Wow, you just said it. I was expecting to dance around this for another half hour. -Wow. Wow, you just said it. I was expecting to dance around this for another half hour. I've seen him with women. He flirts. He always has. On some level, I presumed he was cheating on my mother. I just never had proof. -Can I ask you a question? Why did you come here today? If you found this deed, why didn't you just ask Eddie? Because he's dying. -Look, I don't know how much you want to know about any of this. You have one image of your father and it would be wrong for me to go and change it. Especially this late in the game. My father talked about a lot of things he never did, and I'm sure he did a lot of things he never talked about. I'm just trying to reconcile the two. -Logically, you couldn't be the Witch, because she was old back when he was young. No, it's logical if you think like your father. See, to him, there's only two women: your mother and everyone else. -No, it's logical if you think like your father. See, to him, there's only two women: your mother and everyone else. You didn't become crazy. -You didn't become crazy. Well, therapy. And one day I realized I was in love with a man who could never love me back. I was living in a fairy tale. -Thank you. I'll bet you need to -- Yes. -Yes. Down the hall on the right. The door sticks. You have to really pull it. -I spent a week in Morocco for the story. It was incredible. We'll have to pick up a copy. -I'm going to get started on dishes. I'll help you. -I'm going to check on him. I need to lie down for a bit. -I'm sorry. It seems every hour I have to... I know. It was the same when I was carrying Will. Like clockwork. -Do you like it, being pregnant? I do. -I do. I loved it. It sounds peculiar, but I loved every minute of it. I did. Eddie was travelling a lot, so he was gone, but I felt like I always had a piece of him with me. A little part of his soul inside me. I could feel it. It was alive and kicking. -It's bad. It's more than they thought. They're going to stop chemo. -It's more than they thought. They're going to stop chemo. You need to go. -You need to go. Probably tonight. -I'm going with you. You don't have to. -You don't have to. I'm going with you. -I talked with your father last night. Did you? -You never told me how your parents met. They met at Auburn. -They met at Auburn. What about the details? How they fell in love. The Circus. The War. You never told me any of that. -What about the details? How they fell in love. The Circus. The War. You never told me any of that. That's because most of it never happened. -That's because most of it never happened. But it's romantic. -Mmm. Mmm, what? -Mmm, what? Mmm, what. I know better than to argue romance with a French woman. -Do you love your father? Everyone loves my father. He's a very likeable guy. -Everyone loves my father. He's a very likeable guy. Do you love him? -You have to understand. When I was growing up, he was gone more than he was here. And I started thinking -- maybe he has a second life somewhere else. With another house, another family. He leaves us, he goes to them. Or maybe there is no family. Maybe he never wanted a family. But whatever it is, maybe he likes that second life better. And the reason he tells all those stories is because he can't stand this boring place. But it's not true. -But it's not true. "What is ""true?"" I've never heard my father say a single true thing." -Look, I know why you like him. I know why everyone likes him. But I need you to tell me I'm not crazy. You're not. -You're not. I need you on my side. -I need you on my side. I am always on your side. And I think you should talk to him. -What happened? Your father had a stroke. He's upstairs with your mom and Dr. Bennett. -Your father had a stroke. He's upstairs with your mom and Dr. Bennett. Is he going to be okay? -How did you get here? We swam. The Atlantic, it's not that big really. -We swam. The Atlantic, it's not that big really. Ruth McHibbon offered to pick you up at the airport. -Ruth McHibbon offered to pick you up at the airport. We rented a car. -We rented a car. You didn't need to do that. You just didn't. -Is that Dr. Bennett's car? He's up with your father. -How is he? He's impossible. He won't eat. And because he won't eat, he gets weaker. And because he's weaker, he doesn't want to eat. -He's impossible. He won't eat. And because he won't eat, he gets weaker. And because he's weaker, he doesn't want to eat. How much time does he have left? -How much time does he have left? You don't talk about those things. Not yet. -I don't know if you've seen it, but Josephine has some photos in the most recent Newsweek. Really! That's wonderful. -Mom, would you say you understand Dad? Of course. -Of course. What I mean is, do you really know what's going on in his head? -What I mean is, do you really know what's going on in his head? Yes. -Yes. How is that possible? I mean, you try to ask him a question and suddenly it's another one of his stories. You can't honestly say you know him. -How is that possible? I mean, you try to ask him a question and suddenly it's another one of his stories. You can't honestly say you know him. Yes, Will, I do. And don't presume things you don't know. -Would you say you understand Josephine? Yes. But that's a different... -Yes. But that's a different... No it's not. It's exactly the same. Your father and I met, we dated, and we married -- we chose each other -- because we understood each other on some fundamental level. Just the same as you two. -Josephine and I have a lot in common. Yes, you both think William Bloom is a very smart man. The problem is, you only see me as your mother, and not as someone's wife. And I've been his wife longer than I've been your mother. You can't discount that. -Yes, you both think William Bloom is a very smart man. The problem is, you only see me as your mother, and not as someone's wife. And I've been his wife longer than I've been your mother. You can't discount that. True. But I've known him my whole life, and I don't feel like I know him at all. Or ever will. -I know it's not easy. Just remember, he didn't choose to be your father and you didn't choose to be his son. You just ended up together. You could pick numbers out of a dark bag and it'd be just the same. If you ask me, it's a wonder parents and children can stand each other at all. But I understand you, Mom. I always have. -But I understand you, Mom. I always have. Well, clearly you don't. But I'm not the mystery you're trying to solve right now. -Before I forget, your father has papers in the basement I'd like you to go through. I wouldn't know what's important. Mom, do you know who that is? Blonde hair. -Was she one of your teachers? No. But it's weird. She seemed to recognize me. -No. But it's weird. She seemed to recognize me. Do you know who that is? -That really happened? Not everything your father says is a complete fabrication. -Is he awake? He just fell asleep. Josephine's with him. -Mom? Yes? -Did you and Dad have any other property? I suppose your grandmother's house when she passed on. But we sold that right away. Your cousin Shirley bought it. -I suppose your grandmother's house when she passed on. But we sold that right away. Your cousin Shirley bought it. So you never bought any land. -So you never bought any land. Heavens no. We had a hard enough time keeping the mortgage on this place. -I don't suppose one of us could stay with him. In case he... In case he wakes up, one of us should be there. I'll stay. Why don't you go home with Josephine and I'll stay tonight. -I'll stay. Why don't you go home with Josephine and I'll stay tonight. That's okay? -Mom, do you want some time with Dad? Yes. Thank you. -You first. Fifty thousand. Almost exactly. -Put it in the cases. Split it up. And don't forget you owe me £150. What for? -What for? You know what for. -You know what for. No I don't. -No I don't. I got you those trousers from Paul Smith. -I got you those trousers from Paul Smith. I've been buying you stuff all week. I've been buying him stuff all week. -I've been buying you stuff all week. I've been buying him stuff all week. Such as? -When we went to the Hard Rock Cafe. Who paid? When we went to see 'Cats'. Who paid? Those aren't presents. That's normal friendship stuff -Those aren't presents. That's normal friendship stuff I paid for those guitar cases. -Yeah it was okay. Yeah. It was quite good actually. Some bits I really liked. -Yeah. It was quite good actually. Some bits I really liked. The sets were good. -The sets were good. The sets were excellent. Everything was big, you know, all the rubbish, coke cans, sweet wrappers, dustbins, so when you were watching it you felt cat size. It was really clever. -Sixty four thousand, eight hundred. There's over eighty thousand here. -It's enough isn't it? What do you mean? -What do you mean? You know what I mean babe, It's enough. We can stop. -You know what I mean babe, It's enough. We can stop. Do you want to stop? -Do you want to stop? Yes. -Yes. We'll stop then. -What's this? It's nothing. I burnt myself. -It's nothing. I burnt myself. That's not a burn. -That's not a burn. It is. I did it cooking. -Do you like it? Yeah. -Say thank you. Thank you. -What? You heard what I said. I'm pregnant. I've been throwing up for weeks. -A baby? What are we supposed to do with a baby? Name it. -What? What are you doing? What are you doing here? -What. You're what? You're with this creep now. Leave him! -Leave him! You have. You've actually fallen for this prick. -You have. You've actually fallen for this prick. No I haven't. -This is sensitive. Your car. Lovely car. Doesn't necessarily give the right impression. Ch... -Ch... To customers approaching the bank from the rear -To customers approaching the bank from the rear Right. -Right. You can see why it's sensitive? -You can see why it's sensitive? Uh... Yes. -Hello. I thought you could give us the tour this morning. Sort of be our Indian Guide. -I thought you could give us the tour this morning. Sort of be our Indian Guide. Right. -How's that? We can't drink our piss can we? Hang on hang on, sorry, but like, who are you? -Hang on hang on, sorry, but like, who are you? You must find some glasses, small, for the toast, and some plates. -You must find some glasses, small, for the toast, and some plates. What are you doing here? -Sorry. You've lost me... I'm asking what you're here for. -I'm asking what you're here for. What? -What did he say? He says he feels safe here. -I need to know who you are first please. Oh. We are Russian. -Oh. We are Russian. Yes. I know. -Yes. I know. Good. -Good. And... -And... And what? You mean from the beginning? Jesus. Can I uh okay, as we say in Russia can I cut a long story short. Okay. Nadia is my little cousin. Except she's not. But we say cousin. This is for you. -Hold on. Toast first then we talk seriously, I can see you are serious about us. -So hang on. You're both Nadia's cousins? Of course not. Alexei, he's is my problem. -Of course not. Alexei, he's is my problem. Right. -Right. We better watch him. He's crazy. -We better watch him. He's crazy. Right. -Right. I am actor, he is actor, although he is an actor stroke musician. I just noodle along, I'm not so good. He makes me look like a retard -- He smokes me. I don't mean he smokes me. -No. Right. So I can say he smokes me. So. -So? So I come to England with other actors to make shows, I meet this freak from Novgorod I tell him of you and Chicken and the birthday here we are. -What was that? I asked her if you were happy to see us. I find it hard to tell with you. -I asked her if you were happy to see us. I find it hard to tell with you. Yes it's okay. Thank you for the food. -So how long will you be in England? Plans are for the architects, politicians and so forth. -Plans are for the architects, politicians and so forth. You must have a visa or something... -You must have a visa or something... You're asking for my documents? -You're asking for my documents? No, no... -She says 'Hello' to you. Go for it John! Uh. Do you like England? -Uh. Do you like England? Classic! Thank God. She says 'Yes!' -She says she has a secret to tell. What? -When? """I saw you waiting there, by the gate.""" -"""I saw you waiting there, by the gate.""" I... -I... """I have these uh..."" She explains to you... ""When I was a little girl my father had these beautiful old glasses."" Like... I don't know the word. Like for watching uh... for watching the birds." -Binoculars. Binoculars. He had these Binoculars he has kept from the war. -What was that? Oh nothing. -Oh nothing. Tell me. -Tell me. No. It is too judgmental. -No. It is too judgmental. Tell me what he said. -Tell me what he said. He says why did you send to Russia for a wife. -You are not ashamed of it? It's no surprise to want to love. No. It's not that. -No. It's not that. Do you believe in love? -Do you believe in love? I suppose it's... I mean define your terms. -I suppose it's... I mean define your terms. It's very strange. How many people are truly themselves with their love? It is the greatest human disaster and it is never in the newspapers. There are no Marches Against Heartache, no Ministries Against Loneliness, no Concerts Against Disappointment. We look away. And still we know in secret that nothing is more important to us. The one thing we all share but don't say. Look John I will show you something. -How is bank? Fine. I thought you were leaving today. -Fine. I thought you were leaving today. To be indoors on such a day. It's crime. -I understand. I'm so sorry You can stay tonight. -You can stay tonight. I have brought you trouble. Maybe I should have come alone. -I have brought you trouble. Maybe I should have come alone. Good night. -Put the fucking kettle down. John. -John. Put the fucking kettle down. Tell, Yuri, tell him put it down or I'm going to make him. -He says you scare him so much he must go to the toilet in his trousers. John, he is a soldier. A trained killer. We must do what he says. What? What does he want? -What did he say? Tell me! He says you are very sad ridiculous man. I don't agree of course. And that you must pay someone to have sex like a prostitute. Nadia is a prostitute. I'm sorry. -He says you are very sad ridiculous man. I don't agree of course. And that you must pay someone to have sex like a prostitute. Nadia is a prostitute. I'm sorry. What does he want. The Russian shithead. What do you want ? -What does he want. The Russian shithead. What do you want ? He wants money. -He wants money. Tell him to put the kettle down and I'll give him money. -He wants a lot of money. I'll give him money. Tell him to put the... -I'll give him money. Tell him to put the... He wants the money from your bank. -He wants the money from your bank. I'll fuckin' give it to him! We'll go down there. -I'll fuckin' give it to him! We'll go down there. You don't understand. He wants all the money that is in your bank. -You don't understand. He wants all the money that is in your bank. I've got eight hundred pounds. Oh Jesus. -Oh Jesus. He is sure you can do this. Of course you can not. -He is sure you can do this. Of course you can not. Oh Jesus. Of course I can't. -Just leave her alone. I'm so sorry. -I'm so sorry. Leave her alone. -Is that everything? Yes. -Yes. Right. Okay. Good. -"It's about forty miles from here. I don't know if you've looked at a map, it's close to London but it's a city in itself. A Roman city. It's a nice house. I'm having a problem with ants. I uh... It's the warmer weather. I can't seem to find the nest. Sorry, do you understand ""ants""?" Yes. -Yes. I just can't find a nest. The root of the problem. I've looked everywhere. What's the Russian for ant? Sorry that's a stupid... Sorry. This is strange isn't it. -I just can't find a nest. The root of the problem. I've looked everywhere. What's the Russian for ant? Sorry that's a stupid... Sorry. This is strange isn't it. Yes. -Yes. I'm pretty nervous. Are you? -I'm pretty nervous. Are you? Yes. -Yes. "I mean... ""Ants."" ""I've got a problem with ants.""" -So. Is it different to how you imagined it? Yes. -Yes. I bet. What about me? Am I how you imagined? -I bet. What about me? Am I how you imagined? Yes. -And how was the flight. Sorry, am I speaking too fast for you? Yes. -Do uh... Sorry. Can you follow me? Do you understand what I'm saying? Yes. -Yes. Good. Or should I speak slower? -Good. Or should I speak slower? Yes. -Yes. Do you follow or should I speak slower? -Do you follow or should I speak slower? Yes. -Uh... Are you a giraffe? Yes. -Today is bath day. Sorry? -I don't understand. Happy bath day. -Syevodnya? Syevodnya -Syevodnya Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday. -"""Frenzy""." Yes I know. -They go. John. They go. What's wrong? -What's wrong? They go. -They go. Of course. They go. Yes. Yes. -Of course. They go. Yes. Yes. They go. -Oh, I don't know. In my job as Deputy Assistant of New Business at the bank would have to listen to the problems of a great many individuals. This took a lot of understanding and sympathy, to try to work out solutions to their problems. But, you see, I'm not in that line of work anymore. Nowadays I'm a bank robber. You don't understand anything. -You don't understand anything. I think that about covers it. I think I have grasped the part about you being dumped though. That's got to hurt, I imagine. That's got to smart a bit. I mean strictly in my observer's capacity it seemed you two were getting on Pretty Fucking Famously. -Unless. Unless this is part of the routine. You get tied up, stick around, distract me, they both bust in and Steal My Cup Of Coffee. It's makes it easier. Okay. -It's makes it easier. Okay. I don't want to know. -I don't want to know. It makes it faster. If I don't speak to the men, they fall faster. It's pretty obvious why. -It makes it faster. If I don't speak to the men, they fall faster. It's pretty obvious why. That's a relief. It's nice to know I'm a regular guy. -So what are you going to do? I'm going to drink my coffee. Then, we're going to the police station. Where there will be lawyers, loss of job, house, humiliation, gutter press, and probably prison. -I'm going to drink my coffee. Then, we're going to the police station. Where there will be lawyers, loss of job, house, humiliation, gutter press, and probably prison. They don't blame you. When a bank employee does this they understand. You get your life back. Anyway I bet you hated that bank. -They don't blame you. When a bank employee does this they understand. You get your life back. Anyway I bet you hated that bank. Even so I always felt the decision to burst in and rob it very much remained with me. -Even so I always felt the decision to burst in and rob it very much remained with me. Why else would you send off for me? If you just wanted sex just go to a prostitute. -Why else would you send off for me? If you just wanted sex just go to a prostitute. Well as it turns out I did. -You must think... I'm the biggest pillock... In the world. No I don't. -No I don't. In the world. -In the world. I know you just want to punish me -- -I know you just want to punish me -- I do. I want to very badly. -I do. I want to very badly. So you're just going to be vindictive -So you're just going to be vindictive In every sense. If at all possible. -In every sense. If at all possible. You can't hurt me more than I'm hurt already. -You can't hurt me more than I'm hurt already. Well, Nadia, It it's all the same to you, I'd like to give it a bash. -Where's the restroom? What? -What? I'm going to be sick. Where's the... -I'm going to be sick. Where's the... What? No you're not.. -What? No you're not.. I'm going... I am... I'm going to be sick. -I'm going... I am... I'm going to be sick. No you're not. How... Nice one. How dumb do you think I am ? -You don't have to do this. I can look after myself. Have you got your passport? -Have you got your passport? What? -What? Shut up. Have you got your passport? -Shut up. Have you got your passport? Yes. -Give me some money. I don't have any money. -What? I said I don't have any. -So, uh, Alexei, which I know isn't his name... I don't want to talk about him. -I don't want to talk about him. Fine. -Fine. It's none of your business. -It's none of your business. Fine. Absolutely. Must be disappointing though. Must come as a hell of a shock. -So uh... Look, if you want to know is he better in bed than you then yes he is. -Look, if you want to know is he better in bed than you then yes he is. Oh Jesus. -Oh Jesus. If what you want to know is does he have a bigger cock than you, then yes he does. -If what you want to know is does he have a bigger cock than you, then yes he does. Of course. Of course. Of course he does. Of course. Thank you. Thanks. -Of course. Of course. Of course he does. Of course. Thank you. Thanks. But, you know, so what? -Not the kids type then is he? Not that broody. You must be pretty miffed. He will come back. -He will come back. Excuse me? -Excuse me? He left me my passport and ticket. It's pretty clear he wants to see me again. -He left me my passport and ticket. It's pretty clear he wants to see me again. Yeah. I tend to tie up and abandon women I really want to see again too. -Yeah. I tend to tie up and abandon women I really want to see again too. No. But you tend to tie them up. -I don't want to talk about it. Why not? -Why not? Shut up. I'm not listening. -Shut up. I'm not listening. You don't want to talk about it. -You don't want to talk about it. No. -No. Okay we won't talk about it. -We'll pretend it never happened. So. What's it like having to fuck men you hate? -So. What's it like having to fuck men you hate? I don't hate you. -I don't hate you. Okay. Let's... Okay. Okay. You have had sex with people you don't like haven't you? For money. To make money. -Okay. Let's... Okay. Okay. You have had sex with people you don't like haven't you? For money. To make money. And? What are you saying? -And? What are you saying? And. It's wrong. -And. It's wrong. And who says what is wrong. -And who says what is wrong. And that would be Morals. That would be one's own moral sense of decency. -And that would be Morals. That would be one's own moral sense of decency. What's a moral orgasm John? Tell me how it feels exactly. -What's a moral orgasm John? Tell me how it feels exactly. So. What then? You just detach sex from everything.. -So. What then? You just detach sex from everything.. "Whereas ""Wet 'n' Wild"" is an emotional journey. ""Tied and Tethered"". It's pretty moving huh? Like Anna Karenina." -"Whereas ""Wet 'n' Wild"" is an emotional journey. ""Tied and Tethered"". It's pretty moving huh? Like Anna Karenina." Listen. I didn't go rooting around in your private stuff. -So what? Do you just switch off in your head or do you imagine you're with him, or what? Sometimes. -Sometimes. Sometimes which? -Sometimes which? Sometimes neither. -Sometimes neither. Some... What does that mean? -Some... What does that mean? There's nothing wrong in liking sex, John. -There's nothing wrong in liking sex, John. I don't like sex. I don't think I'll be having sex ever again. -I don't like sex. I don't think I'll be having sex ever again. Why? -Why? Well, it's just that the thought trying to charm up an erection in front of a woman, or alone for that matter, makes me want to die. -Well, it's just that the thought trying to charm up an erection in front of a woman, or alone for that matter, makes me want to die. So now you hate all women? -So now you hate all women? I think it's my safest bet, don't you? -I think it's my safest bet, don't you? Oh. I think you will recover okay. I think you got what you paid for. -What? You... -You... I got what I paid for. -I got what I paid for. You didn't mind too much. -It wasn't what I wanted. So what did you want? I think we understand each other, no? -So what did you want? I think we understand each other, no? You don't understand me. -You don't understand me. You don't understand you either. -Excuse me? Get out -Get out You are throwing me out. -You are throwing me out. Get out. -You know, in Russia, there's no work for women. It's a different world. You don't have to say anything -You don't have to say anything What? I... I wasn't saying... -What? I... I wasn't saying... Please, there's no... Oh. -Please, there's no... Oh. I wasn't saying anything. -I wasn't saying anything. Then okay. So how old were you when you met him? -Fifteen. You don't know him. He was very kind and strong. Yeah. He's a smashing bloke. -Yeah. He's a smashing bloke. The rest of the world, John, it's not all like St. Albans. -The rest of the world, John, it's not all like St. Albans. Thank Christ for that. -Thank Christ for that. You are pretty naive if you think it is. -You are pretty naive if you think it is. I'm pretty naive? Look at you. You have to do all this, and what have you got to show for it? Nothing. -I'm pretty naive? Look at you. You have to do all this, and what have you got to show for it? Nothing. I don't have nothing. -I don't have nothing. Well what have you got? -Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? No. -No. Have you had any before? -Have you had any before? No. -No. Are you scared? -Are you scared? Not really. Maybe a little. -What happened between you and the blonde? What? -What? The thin... the girl with small eyes. The one in your cupboard. -The thin... the girl with small eyes. The one in your cupboard. It's none of your business. She didn't have small eyes. -It's none of your business. She didn't have small eyes. Did she leave you? Come on. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Who did she leave you for? Your best friend? Her boss? A woman? Did she leave you for a woman, John? -Did she leave you? Come on. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Who did she leave you for? Your best friend? Her boss? A woman? Did she leave you for a woman, John? She's dead. -I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. She's not dead at all. -What? I don't know why I said it. I'm sorry. -I don't know why I said it. I'm sorry. She's alive? -She's alive!! She is not dead? Laugh it up. -You should stop smoking. You're pregnant. You smoke like a fucking lab dog. I'm trying to quit. -I'm trying to quit. I've got news for you. It's not working. -I've got news for you. It's not working. I smoke more these days. I smoke more when I'm unhappy. -I smoke more these days. I smoke more when I'm unhappy. Nobody's that unhappy. -Nobody's that unhappy. Maybe I want to die. Don't you want me to die? -Maybe I want to die. Don't you want me to die? I don't want anyone to die. -I don't want anyone to die. Except for Small Eyes. -Except for Small Eyes. Except for Small Eyes. -I don't know. What was her name? -What was her name? What's your name? -You know you can come under the blanket. It's alright. -I've got an hour. Can I buy you a coffee? No. I think I better just go. -No. I think I better just go. Okay. Thank you. -Okay. Thank you. Whatever. -Yeah. No thanks. Please. Why not? -Please. Why not? Because it was a lie. -Okay. Goodbye. Goodbye. -Something else. Okay. Promise? -You can probably buy them on the flight. I'm quitting. This will be my last one. So. Goodbye. -I'm quitting. This will be my last one. So. Goodbye. Goodbye. -Goodbye. You didn't deserve me John Buckingham. -You didn't deserve me John Buckingham. Whatever. -Whatever. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Please. -It's not mine. It's not mine either. -It's not mine either. It's what you came back for. -Why? I'm not asking you to marry me. -I'm not asking you to marry me. No. What? No. I know. -No. What? No. I know. It's more like a date. -It's more like a date. It's a long way to go for a date. -It's a long way to go for a date. Tell me about it. -What does it mean? Maybe you will find out. -Hurry. I'll wait for you here. Right. -My name's Sophia. Sophia. Hello Sophia. Mine's still John. -Is the flight full? I'm sorry Sir. I believe the flight is closed. -I'm sorry Sir. I believe the flight is closed. Please check. Is it full? Please could you check. -You have excellent English. Thanks. -Thanks. How do you want to pay? -How do you want to pay? Cash. -What are you doing? Just wanted to see. -Just wanted to see. You know the rules. You do know the rules, don't you? -You know the rules. You do know the rules, don't you? Yeah, I know. -Yeah, I know. Then start taking them seriously. -Then start taking them seriously. Yes, ma'am. -Lazarus? Oh! Gave me a start. -Oh! Gave me a start. I'm sorry. It's these soft shoes I wear for my back. -I'm sorry. It's these soft shoes I wear for my back. You hurt it? -You hurt it? I'm standing most of my day. They're for support. Didn't see you in church this mornin'. -I'm standing most of my day. They're for support. Didn't see you in church this mornin'. Been on the crop. May need to get some extra hands if I don't want to work on Sundays. -Been on the crop. May need to get some extra hands if I don't want to work on Sundays. Well. It's good to see you. -Angela? Yes? -Yes? I need to uh... -I need to uh... Go on, Laz. You can talk to me. -Go on, Laz. You can talk to me. My little niece... she got this deep cough. -My little niece... she got this deep cough. You take her to a doctor? -You take her to a doctor? No. No, she can't go. Mean to say... they's just no money fo'a doctor. Her daddy left for a job, and uh... give her to me to look on. I just... I don't know what to do. -Is your niece older than 12? Oh, she older than that. -My sister got a bad cough with her pneumonia. I just copied her prescription. You don't need to pay anything... just take it. But if she gets worse, you give me a call. I wrote my number on the box. This gonna get you in trouble? -This gonna get you in trouble? Not if no one finds out. -Thank you. Oh. My wife. She had a card here for her migraine pills. She ain't gonna be around no more... So if you... I already tossed that out. Somethin' you should'a done to that woman long ago... how she treated you. Of course, that's none of my business. -I already tossed that out. Somethin' you should'a done to that woman long ago... how she treated you. Of course, that's none of my business. Don't make it less true. -I brung you a little basket of goodies. Fresh squash, tomatoes, some okra, butter beans. You didn't have to do this. -You didn't have to do this. Just wanted to say how much I appreciate you helping me the other day. My niece, she's cured up, and I got you to thank. -Just wanted to say how much I appreciate you helping me the other day. My niece, she's cured up, and I got you to thank. Well that's good. I'm happy to hear it. -This was very sweet of you. Well. Hope you enjoy it. -I bet you have loyal customers. You liked what I brung ya? -You liked what I brung ya? Been eatin' like a princess all week. Even got enough for us to take a picnic under the gazebo. -Been eatin' like a princess all week. Even got enough for us to take a picnic under the gazebo. That'd be nice. -That'd be nice. I put on the lotion you got me. Can you smell it? -I's thinkin' about singing in the choir. At church? -At church? Mm-hm. I don't know if I got a good voice or not but... practice is only on Mondays and Wednesdays, so... -Mm-hm. I don't know if I got a good voice or not but... practice is only on Mondays and Wednesdays, so... You gonna sing me somethin'? -You gonna sing me somethin'? When? Now? Oh. No. -When? Now? Oh. No. Come on, just a little somethin'. Right here. Go'on now, don't be shy. -Hey. Hey. You wasn't at'cha work but that nosey gal up at the counter give me your home address. Hope you don't mind me comin' over. -Hey. You wasn't at'cha work but that nosey gal up at the counter give me your home address. Hope you don't mind me comin' over. What do you need? -What do you need? I need ya help again. -More cough syrup? Can I come in? -I lied to you. It was wrong. But at the time... I didn't know what to do. Imagine you got an earful from folks about that gal I's carryin'... Laz... you don't need to explain yourself to me... -Laz... you don't need to explain yourself to me... Yes, I do. Cuz I feel for you. Mean to say... I got feelings for you. And I didn't want you to think... I didn't... I don't want you to go away. There's better ways to say what I'm trying to say, but... they it is. Don't go away. -Laz. I'm gonna put my trust in you. I'm gonna do it knowin' all too well I can get hurt like this. And I have been hurt. Just like you. Woman like me, I got a lot of livin' to do. But my days are precious to me. They all I got left. Don't want no more fuss. I want love in my life. You understanding me, Laz? I do. God's truth. I do. -He black alright, he just ain't blue. Why you stop havin' dancin' on Saturday? Used to have bands... all kind's live shit. Like a wake up in here, now. -Why you stop havin' dancin' on Saturday? Used to have bands... all kind's live shit. Like a wake up in here, now. Folks can dance when they want. Didn't buy that mirror ball for nothin'. -Folks can dance when they want. Didn't buy that mirror ball for nothin'. You seen my snake-skin shoes? -Naw. They got some blue dye, though. You think them boots you got on come from a black cow? Wanna get on somebody 'bout live music, get on ol' Laz, there. He the one got this place shakin' back in the day. -Wanna get on somebody 'bout live music, get on ol' Laz, there. He the one got this place shakin' back in the day. Don't gotta tell me. Me and my girlfriends use-ta talk 'bout them hard fingertips he got pickin' that guitar. -Hi. Hey. -Hey. You ain't the kicker, are you? -You ain't the kicker, are you? No, ma'am. -No, ma'am. Cuz let me tell you, you boys gotta run the ball more. You get into a kicking game, ya'll gonna lose. -Cuz let me tell you, you boys gotta run the ball more. You get into a kicking game, ya'll gonna lose. Can I put it in your mouth? -Can I put it in your mouth? Okay. -And, sir... do you have a size in mind for what you're lookin' for? That young lady's size, right'cher. -That young lady's size, right'cher. Well, that makes it easier. -Mind I ask, what's all this business here? These are whipped body creams. It's like a lotion. -These are whipped body creams. It's like a lotion. For your hands? -For your hands? Some women prefer not to scent their bodies with perfume. So now they have scented creams. They help moisturize a woman's skin. This one's my favorite. It's called Ginger Souffle. I recommend... applying the cream while the skin is still damp. So... perhaps just after a shower. -Some women prefer not to scent their bodies with perfume. So now they have scented creams. They help moisturize a woman's skin. This one's my favorite. It's called Ginger Souffle. I recommend... applying the cream while the skin is still damp. So... perhaps just after a shower. I'll take a jar of that, too. -Still need a lift? Yeah. Transmission's shot. -Look it. I got somethin' for us. This is gonna help, okay. You gonna miss your bus. -Holy shit. Yeah. -Yeah. Sit down, man. Need a beer? -Sit down, man. Need a beer? Sure. -Sure. Marv, let's get Ronnie set up here. -What happened? They been keepin' a folder on me cuz of my stomach. Like how it was just before we'd play ball back in school. Thought it was just some tic I got, or ulcers like my daddy had. I can't... shoot. Target practice I'm a pro. I tag between the numbers each time but... But when there's really loud noises around me... somethin' happens. I get shaky and... I lose my breath. They called it anxiety. Severe anxiety. It can be fixed and all... just not in time for.... It's a long process but... they sent me home. -They been keepin' a folder on me cuz of my stomach. Like how it was just before we'd play ball back in school. Thought it was just some tic I got, or ulcers like my daddy had. I can't... shoot. Target practice I'm a pro. I tag between the numbers each time but... But when there's really loud noises around me... somethin' happens. I get shaky and... I lose my breath. They called it anxiety. Severe anxiety. It can be fixed and all... just not in time for.... It's a long process but... they sent me home. I guess it could be worse. You could be comin' back in a body bag. -I can't get Rae on the phone. She's not at home... none of her friends seen her anywhere. She's around. Always is. -She's around. Always is. I don't know. She's gettin' crazy, like she gets. Begged me not to go. Got real down. I just think somethin's happened. Like she run off with someone. You'd tell me if you knew somethin', right? -I don't know. She's gettin' crazy, like she gets. Begged me not to go. Got real down. I just think somethin's happened. Like she run off with someone. You'd tell me if you knew somethin', right? You been home yet? -You been home yet? Uh-uh. I's hitchin' up the interstate when I seen your truck outside. -Uh-uh. I's hitchin' up the interstate when I seen your truck outside. You need a ride? -This don't feel right. Kitchen looks just like I left it. I know, cuz I cleaned it. She ever tell you she was thinkin' of taking off? -She ever tell you she was thinkin' of taking off? I just been so mixed up lately, Gill. And, you know, with her history, I can see how she could get scared... ...and run. -Ronnie. You can't see cuz you're too close to it. These nervous spells you get. You never had that shit back in school... That's not right, really, cuz I... -That's not right, really, cuz I... You joined up in that monkey troop cuz you had a plan for yourself. Army'd pay for school. You were gonna get a degree, maybe somethin' in business or agriculture and you were gonna make somethin' of yourself. -And then you had to fall in love with the school slut. Now wait... -Now wait... With all she was doin'. With all the shit she kept doing! You stayed stuck to that bitch's ass and you wouldn't let go. -With all she was doin'. With all the shit she kept doing! You stayed stuck to that bitch's ass and you wouldn't let go. I know about how she was like. But we was different. I's the only person she talked to about it. How she's abused. Terrible things, Gill, just terrible... -YOU HAD A PLAN! YOU HAD A GODDAMN LIFE! AND SHE JUST FUCKED THE GUTS OUT OF YOU! It's not her fault, Gill. She's had to take care of me all this time, cuz I'd just start throwin' up... choking. Just losin' my grip. And she listened. She listened to me. And... I got better. I don't get nervous like I used to. And since we been together... she been faithful to me. Put all that junk behind her... -It's not her fault, Gill. She's had to take care of me all this time, cuz I'd just start throwin' up... choking. Just losin' my grip. And she listened. She listened to me. And... I got better. I don't get nervous like I used to. And since we been together... she been faithful to me. Put all that junk behind her... The only thing that cunt's had behind her is me and half the town fuckin' her. Your first night away, I come over and drop off the spare keys like you wanted me to. You weren't gone two hours and she was aching to get me inside her. Like she was havin' some kind'a fit. -You gonna steal my truck? Make yourself at home. You done it already. -It's not like I can't go out and have fun with my friends. You think I'm Ronnie's spy or somethin'? Come tomorrow that dumb- ass gonna be halfway round the world tryin' to keep his head on his shoulders. You think he's gonna be thinkin' about you? -You think I'm Ronnie's spy or somethin'? Come tomorrow that dumb- ass gonna be halfway round the world tryin' to keep his head on his shoulders. You think he's gonna be thinkin' about you? You go to hell. -Jes? Jesse? Oh shit... Wait... Wait... STOP! Stop what? -Thought you had a skirt earlier. I got others. -This thing you got... I've heard people say, you'd fuck a tree if it was handy. I can see that. But that nigger Tehronne. Thinks he's some player cuz he hustles dope and stolen hubcaps. I mean, I can see a tree. But that piece of shit? I begged him. Don't see why he had to go... -I begged him. Don't see why he had to go... I bet you did. Just had to get that black cock up in you. I swear to God. What Ronnie sees... you disgust me. -The fuck you laughin' at? You don't got half what Tehronne got. -Ronnie ship out this mornin'? It's so stupid. Says to me that he don't want nothin' to do with no military career. Says he wants to move. Open up an auto shop with his uncle up in Knoxville. I said, okay. How about now? Let's go. -Nothing's gonna happen. Not like everybody over there is in the line of fire with them Arabs blowin' themselves up. Can't be thinkin' bout him every second of my day. I'll go outta my gourd. -Can't be thinkin' bout him every second of my day. I'll go outta my gourd. Why should you waste your life waitin' and wonderin'. Not like you're married. -Why should you waste your life waitin' and wonderin'. Not like you're married. I begged him not to go. And he did. -You wanna go home? It gets worse there. Leavin' me to my own mind. That's just not good. -It gets worse there. Leavin' me to my own mind. That's just not good. Here. Pound this and I'll join you. -Better? Yeah. -Can't remember the last time I saw you in that suit. Your mother's funeral. I's a pallbearer, remember? -We leavin' this weekend. Deke got a friend in Mobile gonna get him a job at the water company... If you come to talk about that muthafucka, I'm gonna get up and leave you sittin' pretty in that new suit he bought'cha. -If you come to talk about that muthafucka, I'm gonna get up and leave you sittin' pretty in that new suit he bought'cha. Think this about money still, ya old fool? -Think this about money still, ya old fool? Say what you gotta say, but I ain't gonna hear you speak his name to me. Not never. You hear? -Say what you gotta say, but I ain't gonna hear you speak his name to me. Not never. You hear? How many times we been over this, Laz? How many times? -Thought we was gonna be friendly about this. Carryin' on behind my back. Make me out to look like a fool to all our people. Tell me, what's friendly about that? -Carryin' on behind my back. Make me out to look like a fool to all our people. Tell me, what's friendly about that? I'm not ready to grow old, Laz. Livin' with you. I feel it. Like I'm one foot in the dirt. Saw it happen to my momma. And that's not gonna happen to me. I got living to do. -I'm not ready to grow old, Laz. Livin' with you. I feel it. Like I'm one foot in the dirt. Saw it happen to my momma. And that's not gonna happen to me. I got living to do. And you gonna live it with him? -Rose. Folks get sick. But you do what you can to get on the mend. Our marriage... it just got sick. That's all. Talk to me about sick. Ain't been right since I moved into that drafty house. -Talk to me about sick. Ain't been right since I moved into that drafty house. I keep the heat on. -I keep the heat on. That damned, rusty, radiator, bout burned the skin off my legs each time I passed. -That damned, rusty, radiator, bout burned the skin off my legs each time I passed. Kept us warm for twelve years. -I deserve better than this. Better'n me? -Better'n me? Better than what you give. -Better than what you give. Rose... please... -Rose... please... Laz... You can't say nothin'... -Laz... You can't say nothin'... If we get with a counselor. At the church, maybe they's... -If we get with a counselor. At the church, maybe they's... I don't love ya no more. -God forgive you, for how you done me... Let go... -Let go... My Daddy told me that a younger woman would bleed me dry. And that's what you did. Ya bled me. -My Daddy told me that a younger woman would bleed me dry. And that's what you did. Ya bled me. Let go of my arm... -Let go of my arm... Would'a chopped my arm off if you asked. And this how you do me! -Would'a chopped my arm off if you asked. And this how you do me! LAZ, I said let...! -LAZ, I said let...! You better pray, gal. You better pray... -You better pray, gal. You better pray... Don't you lay a CURSE ON ME! -YOU SHUT UP! Careful how you point that gun, boy. -Careful how you point that gun, boy. Or what? OR WHAT? -Or what? OR WHAT? Boy? You here to make a point, or you here to kill somebody? -Boy? You here to make a point, or you here to kill somebody? Ain't gonna be callin' me boy when I blow your face off. -Ain't gonna be callin' me boy when I blow your face off. You sayin' you'll do what? -You sayin' you'll do what? You heard me, mother-fucker. I'll fuckin' kill.. -You heard me, mother-fucker. I'll fuckin' kill.. BOY! You so green you couldn't stomp a baby duck. -You testing me? Huh? You testin' me, old man? Test. Shit. What kind'a test you thinkin'? You mean like, if you a man or not? If you a killer? Only one way to prove that. You just look me in the eye, boy, and you squeeze that trigger back. -GODDAMMIT, RAE! BOY! YOU KEEP THAT GUN POINTED AT ME! You need to kill a man, all you gotta have is a good reason. You know she been here with me, don't cha? Been all over town, givin' up that switch you thought was your own. -BOY! YOU KEEP THAT GUN POINTED AT ME! You need to kill a man, all you gotta have is a good reason. You know she been here with me, don't cha? Been all over town, givin' up that switch you thought was your own. SHUT UP! SHUT UP! -SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Put all your love and dreams into one woman... she turn around and give it all to another man. That's a good reason to paint the wall with me, kid. She'd fear ya then. Cuz there won't be no more question in her mind. She with a real man now. A real KILLER! -Don't... don't say that to me... Son, I'm grown. Don't got patience to suffer you children and this monkey junk. I'm too old to play house... ...and cowboys. So let's have it. End me or get out of my face! -Like a man. Yes. I mean that's it. I wanna feel like a man with her. I wanna feel like the only man with her. -Teh... Tehronne? Tehronne? Tehronne done this? -Nn-nn... Nn-nn... no... N'RONNIE! GAL! YOU HEARIN' MY VOICE? -Mm-mm... Mm-mm... Come on, gal... -Take it easy now. Don't rush it. How long... how long I been out? -How long... how long I been out? You been in and out goin' on two... maybe two days. -You been in and out goin' on two... maybe two days. Two days? -Two days? After your fever broke, you'd wake up in spells... long enough to get that medicine in ya. -Where's Ronnie? Well I don't... -Well I don't... Wait. He left. -I don't got any money... for fixin' me up and all. Don't need none. -Don't need none. Then I better be on my way. Don't wanna put you out no more. -Then I better be on my way. Don't wanna put you out no more. Think it'd be best if you stayed put while we talk. -Think it'd be best if you stayed put while we talk. Naw'sir... I gotta be on my way. -Naw'sir... I gotta be on my way. Best try gettin' ya wits about you 'fore you try to... -Let me say somethin' first... Why you got me chained? -Why you got me chained? Way I see it, it's gonna take a while for you to get right. -Way I see it, it's gonna take a while for you to get right. The fuck you been doin' to me? -The fuck you been doin' to me? I ain't laid a hand on ya but to ease yo fever... Remember like I say, I found you in the road... -I ain't laid a hand on ya but to ease yo fever... Remember like I say, I found you in the road... Get this Goddamn thing off me! -Now, no harm's come to you... and I aim to keep it that way. Ain't gonna... gonna run a train over ya... or however you call it... see... you was runnin' wild on me... these fever dreams you was havin'... these fits. I'd be chasin' you all night. Well I'm woke now... you can take this off. -Gal, you ain't right yet. I'm right enough to stand on my own two feet. Now take this Goddamn chain off... -I'm right enough to stand on my own two feet. Now take this Goddamn chain off... How you let men treat ya like they do? -How you let men treat ya like they do? What? -What? These men you up under. How you let them do ya like that? -These men you up under. How you let them do ya like that? Do me? Do me like this, you mean? Like chainin' me up? -Do me? Do me like this, you mean? Like chainin' me up? You know what I'm talkin' about. All that mess with ya teachers and... boys in the backs of trucks. -You know what I'm talkin' about. All that mess with ya teachers and... boys in the backs of trucks. The hell you know about me?! You got no right to talk to me about that shit! The hell you think you are? -The hell you know about me?! You got no right to talk to me about that shit! The hell you think you are? I've saved ya life, gal. I can do and say whatever the fuck I want. -I give ya enough chain so's you can get about the house. Get you to the kitchen. You need the bathroom, it'll reach. What do you want? -What do you want? We got everything we need. Plenty of food. Ya medicine still got a few good swallows in it... -We got everything we need. Plenty of food. Ya medicine still got a few good swallows in it... WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! WHATEVER YOU GONNA DO TO ME, JUST DO IT! AND LET ME GO! -WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! WHATEVER YOU GONNA DO TO ME, JUST DO IT! AND LET ME GO! God saw to it to put you in my path. And I aim to cure ya of your wickedness. -You some kind'a pervert? No ma'am. -No ma'am. Some crazy Jesus freak, gonna fuck the spirit into me... -Some crazy Jesus freak, gonna fuck the spirit into me... In my house, you watch that lip... -In my house, you watch that lip... Look it, mister... you wanna have your way, you take it. I'll do whatever you want. But you gotta let me go. You can't do this! You can't KEEP ME HERE! -Look it, mister... you wanna have your way, you take it. I'll do whatever you want. But you gotta let me go. You can't do this! You can't KEEP ME HERE! You sick. You got a sickness... we broke that fever... we gonna break that hold the devil got on ya. -LET ME GO! You can holla y'self hoarse. Ain't gonna bend my will. Right or wrong, you gonna mind me. Gonna suffer you like Jesus say, to the FAITHLESS and the PERVERSE GENERATION. -Now you get up! And you get in my house! Or what? -Stop it! Stop it! IT HURTS! Whose doin' is that? -Wicked little bitch... gonna cut me... You gonna get a lot more a'that, you keep me locked up like this! -No, ma'am. You stop that foolishness. Hm-mm... Hm-mm... -Hm-mm... Hm-mm... I said... STOP! -I said... STOP! I CAN'T! -You like this? Walkin' me through this field like I's your mule? Can't sit all day on that sofa. Need to get your legs strong. -Can't sit all day on that sofa. Need to get your legs strong. If I break one you gonna shoot me? -My Daddy was one of the first mens to organize soil conservation in these parts. That's a group of farmers, you know, each season they'd rotate the crop. Know why it's best to rotate em like that? Uh-uh. -Cuz once in a while soil need a change. Corn take up a lot of nitrate in the fertilizer. So next crop what ya do is plant ya some soy beans. That give off a lot of nitrate. Change keeps it all growin' and growin' strong. Sting a bit? Itches. -Itches. Means ya healin'. So all this farmin' make me think on Matthew. Matthew 13. The parable of the sower? Man toss seed on rock, on the wayside, some fell in thorns... you know the story? -Means ya healin'. So all this farmin' make me think on Matthew. Matthew 13. The parable of the sower? Man toss seed on rock, on the wayside, some fell in thorns... you know the story? Uh-uh. -The seed that land on good soil is for them who hear the word of God... and understand the word of God. Not enough for you to hear what I'm sayin', you gotta understand. I know. I get it. What's Matthew doin'? -I know. I get it. What's Matthew doin'? Gal... Matthew ain't doin' shit... this just a story... Look it. I've seen it in nature, I've seen it in men. Ya got to change up your crop. Cuz that seed ain't gettin' in. Ya gotta cut this shit out. Got no cause to be up under these fools, ruttin' on ya like you a bitch. Like you somebody's dog. No woman... who joins in union with Almighty God... or man... in the sanctity of marriage... should degrade herself... and bend to ANOTHER MAN'S WILL! -My God, gal, don't you got no SENSE? I ain't sayin' I ain't weak? Shit. Playin' guitar in the blood-bucket jukes all ya life... a nigga learn how to sin, let me tell you! I GOT SIN IN ME! I AIN'T GO'N LIE! BUT I GOT RESPECT! AND ALL YOU GOT IS BILE, GAL! Let go of me... -Let go of me... GIVIN' UP THAT SWITCH LIKE A TRAMP! BEHIND MY BACK AND KILL MY BABY...! -Now that's sharp. That is sharp. Chain give you any trouble? Uh-uh. -Uh-uh. Good. Now I got the steaks on, potatoes at a boil, and biscuits ready to pop in the oven. R.L. and Lincoln out yonder grillin' up the corn. What do you know how to make? -Good. Now I got the steaks on, potatoes at a boil, and biscuits ready to pop in the oven. R.L. and Lincoln out yonder grillin' up the corn. What do you know how to make? I don't fuckin' cook. -I don't fuckin' cook. Gal, I been around hard-cursin' folk all my life. And let me tell you... -Gal, I been around hard-cursin' folk all my life. And let me tell you... Look it... I put the Goddamn dress on, didn't I? I think I'm handlin' myself with some... fuckin' restraint here... how you got me locked up like a dog on a... -Look it... I put the Goddamn dress on, didn't I? I think I'm handlin' myself with some... fuckin' restraint here... how you got me locked up like a dog on a... If all you got is filth comin' out'cha mouth... people just gonna tune ya out. Rae. RAE! I'm not fightin' with ya. I just know you got more in you than junk. Now, you sayin' you don't know how to cook anything at all? You know how to boil water? -If all you got is filth comin' out'cha mouth... people just gonna tune ya out. Rae. RAE! I'm not fightin' with ya. I just know you got more in you than junk. Now, you sayin' you don't know how to cook anything at all? You know how to boil water? I can handle that. -I can handle that. Well, get to it. -They sure liked them devilled eggs. You drink whiskey? -You take it straight? Sure. -Want another? We drinkin' buddies now? -We drinkin' buddies now? To freedom. -Still makin' jokes? No joke. -If you want... I can take you back to town now. I ain't in a hurry. -Could you do somethin' for me? Anything. -My life is gone. Only life I was livin'. And I lost it. I'm here with you. -I'm here with you. I had love in my heart. And I gave it to one woman. And she gone now. Where am I gonna put all this love? -Tell me what to do. The... chain helps. -I seen a man die. He couldn't breathe... his heart was... was givin' out. You just havin' a fit. You ain't goin' nowhere. -You just havin' a fit. You ain't goin' nowhere. He told me... get help. I just stood there and watched him... I watched him die, Laz. Oh God! GODDAMMIT! -Oh, Laz... he hurt me. He... hurt me so many times. No one's gonna hurt you no more. -No one's gonna hurt you no more. You think God forgives people like that? You think God forgives people like me? -Where you gonna be? Right here. Be here all afternoon. You ready for this? -Right here. Be here all afternoon. You ready for this? I'm gonna just get some girl stuff, like make-up and... stuff. -You took care of your wife, like you do me? I tried. -What is it? Nothin'. -Get'chu at that table up yonder. By myself? -By myself? You can handle it. -Are you drunk? Keep drinkin' water and you won't get a headache in the mornin'. Yeah, gal I been here before. -Yeah, gal I been here before. I guess you have. -Laz? Can I sleep with you tonight? Don't think that'd be wise. -Don't think that'd be wise. I didn't mean it nothin' dirty. -I didn't mean it nothin' dirty. I know you didn't. But you a grown girl. You can handle it. I got to. -Sorry. Looks like you know a song. -Looks like you know a song. Don't know where I learn't it, but... it's there in my head. -How you feelin' today? You know how you feel when you come out of a bad hangover? Like your eyes can open a little bit more. -You know how you feel when you come out of a bad hangover? Like your eyes can open a little bit more. I know that. -I know that. Woke up real early. Sun was shining. Just thought I'd mess around, try to learn a song. -Woke up real early. Sun was shining. Just thought I'd mess around, try to learn a song. Go'on and sing it, I'll play. -Go'on and sing it, I'll play. No, you do it. I can't sing. -No, you do it. I can't sing. Stop that foolishness. Just do as I say and close your eyes. Close your eyes. And think about... well, for a song like this, I'd say you think about what you love. -Stop that foolishness. Just do as I say and close your eyes. Close your eyes. And think about... well, for a song like this, I'd say you think about what you love. What I love. -What I love. Get a good picture in your mind. -Now that's sharp. That's real sharp. Miss Ella Mae set you up, didn't she? You like it? I've had nice things before but I always ruined 'em somehow. -I've had nice things before but I always ruined 'em somehow. Well, this one's yours now. You ready to take care of it? -I don't want you to let go. Maybe I won't. -Do you call it a game when only one man win each time? I think you call it a damn shame. Word wit'cha. In private. -You need some weed? Been years since I fooled with that. You know a white girl? Dirty blond hair, split down the middle like? -Been years since I fooled with that. You know a white girl? Dirty blond hair, split down the middle like? That ain't up to me to hook you up. Naw what I mean? She her own, you know? -That ain't up to me to hook you up. Naw what I mean? She her own, you know? Huh? -Huh? I don't pimp that. You talkin' about who I think you talkin' about, you mean Rae. Rae Doole. Sexy little split tail, like you say. I can't hook you up with that. I got two girls. One ain't in town, the other one pregnant. So... you on your own. -I don't pimp that. You talkin' about who I think you talkin' about, you mean Rae. Rae Doole. Sexy little split tail, like you say. I can't hook you up with that. I got two girls. One ain't in town, the other one pregnant. So... you on your own. This Rae... you get with her? -This Rae... you get with her? Shit. Who hasn't? -Shit. Who hasn't? Why you say that? -Why you say that? She got a spare minute she'll snatch up anyone... but me, I'm different. Sometimes she need the real deal, so she call me up. Girl got an itch. You know... what's a nigga to do? -She got a spare minute she'll snatch up anyone... but me, I'm different. Sometimes she need the real deal, so she call me up. Girl got an itch. You know... what's a nigga to do? She like it rough? You like beatin' on her? -She like it rough? You like beatin' on her? That ain't my scene. If that's somethin' you into... -That ain't my scene. If that's somethin' you into... Now, hold up. -Now, hold up. See, that girl is in my favor. You heard me, nigga? You fuck with her rough, and you got me to fuck wit. -See, that girl is in my favor. You heard me, nigga? You fuck with her rough, and you got me to fuck wit. You collar that dog, boy. I ain't gonna hurt nobody. Just wanted to know who she was. -You collar that dog, boy. I ain't gonna hurt nobody. Just wanted to know who she was. Like I say, you wanna hook that up... I ain't in ya way. That switch of hers been all over this town. Got that sickness, you know. -Like I say, you wanna hook that up... I ain't in ya way. That switch of hers been all over this town. Got that sickness, you know. What'chu sayin'? -What'chu sayin'? She a freak. Got what you call a sexual addiction. -What'chu sayin'? What I'm tellin' you. Girl gotta get dick or she go crazy. -She a freak. Got what you call a sexual addiction. What'chu sayin'? -What'chu sayin'? What I'm tellin' you. Girl gotta get dick or she go crazy. -First hooked up with that bitch when she was 16. Girl was fuckin' the principal and two of her teachers. You know coach Reynolds? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. He tapped that. -He tapped that. Naw! -Naw! Go ask him. -You ever seen a train run on a woman? Nuh-uh. -Nuh-uh. Meanin' like a team of fellas go to work on her and she don't even break a sweat. She into football, you know. You got a letter on your jacket you get that pussy in ya lap. I ain't playin'. -How a girl get like that? Like I told you. -It got some miles on it, but my boys say she run good. Got fresh 22's on her. Ain't my doin'. That's just how it came to me. Don't worry. Nobody gonna come lookin' for it. I got the pinks... got no problem. Ain't gonna have my girl ridin' no bus. Don't see generosity much these days. Everything always got a catch. Guess I'm tryin' to say... thank you. -Don't see generosity much these days. Everything always got a catch. Guess I'm tryin' to say... thank you. Nobody ever asks me to do shit like this for people. And you know what? I'm good at it. Naw what I mean? -You ain't gonna make a fuss, are you? Nothing a man can do when a woman make up her mind. I never laid a hand on her in anger. Not a day. Not even when I's drinkin'. But this business got me wonderin' what a good shake and slap would do for her. -I never laid a hand on her in anger. Not a day. Not even when I's drinkin'. But this business got me wonderin' what a good shake and slap would do for her. That kind of talk is between us. Don't you go in there with that shit on your tongue. -That kind of talk is between us. Don't you go in there with that shit on your tongue. I didn't start this, R.L. -Bojo called. Said you got to see your brother at the long end of a broken bottle. You gonna preach 'bout turnin' the other cheek? -You gonna preach 'bout turnin' the other cheek? I think you did alright by God under the circumstances. Your people are here for you, Laz. This is your home. No shame in showing your face. -I think you did alright by God under the circumstances. Your people are here for you, Laz. This is your home. No shame in showing your face. Don't know if God wanna see me. -Don't know if God wanna see me. He knows where ya at. Just answer the door if he come knockin'. -Was that Lincoln James I seen run off? He's fine. Just had a bad fall. -He's fine. Just had a bad fall. Why's his britches round his knees? -Why's his britches round his knees? R.L., you gonna have to get on. I can't have nobody round my place. -You get a call from Rose? This ain't got nothin' to do with that woman. Just don't want nobody around me now. -This ain't got nothin' to do with that woman. Just don't want nobody around me now. Somethin' wrong with ya phone? Been callin' the last few days. -Goin' dove huntin'? You gotta go, R.L.. I ain't foolin' this time. -You gotta go, R.L.. I ain't foolin' this time. You sayin' that gun's for me if I don't? -You ain't gonna talk me outta shit no more. I got my mind made up and I ain't gonna be moved on this. Ain't gonna be moved? -Ain't gonna be moved? Got no place for preachin' here. Not now. So you do as I say... -Got no place for preachin' here. Not now. So you do as I say... Or what? -Or what? I told you to TURN BACK! -Are you outta ya GODDAMN MIND? Man like you ought not take the Lord's name like you just done. -Man like you ought not take the Lord's name like you just done. A naked woman, chained in ya house? -A naked woman, chained in ya house? I'm tellin' you the truth, dammit. I found her beat. Left for dead. So I brung her home. -I'm tellin' you the truth, dammit. I found her beat. Left for dead. So I brung her home. Laz, I know about that girl. Good number of this town's sinners got my ear, you know. Oh, Laz. She's had a mess of crabs and them STD's. What'chu thinking? -Laz, I know about that girl. Good number of this town's sinners got my ear, you know. Oh, Laz. She's had a mess of crabs and them STD's. What'chu thinking? I haven't laid a hand. On my life, R.L., my wick is dry on this. -I haven't laid a hand. On my life, R.L., my wick is dry on this. You say she was beat on. You call the sheriff on that? -You say she was beat on. You call the sheriff on that? Put yo'self in my shoes. Say you out here, alone, with a beaten, half naked, white woman loves to fuck. I been toe to toe with the law in this town for no more than being black and nearby. -Put yo'self in my shoes. Say you out here, alone, with a beaten, half naked, white woman loves to fuck. I been toe to toe with the law in this town for no more than being black and nearby. What's that chain around her for? -Why don't you go'on and ask her. She need to talk wit somebody with sense. Folks been ruttin' and beatin' on this gal all her days. And this is how I'm handling it. THIS IS HOW YOU HANDLING IT? THIS IS HOW YOU HANDLING IT? -Good. Makin' steaks for supper. I expect you to come. You mean with you and that woman chained to ya radiator? -You mean with you and that woman chained to ya radiator? You treat folks special when they company. It's just supper, R.L., shit. -You treat folks special when they company. It's just supper, R.L., shit. One thing at a time, Laz. -Pass them potatoes, Lincoln. Y'all let me know if these steaks are too dry. -Y'all let me know if these steaks are too dry. This all looks wonderful. -Mm. MM. Now these eggs got some kick to it. What'chu got in this? Ask the chef. -Gotta get that chain off her, Laz. Somethin' like this gets out, you could land in a heap of trouble. I'm dealin' with what God put before me. -I'm dealin' with what God put before me. You believe He wants this? A woman chained to ya radiator? -You believe He wants this? A woman chained to ya radiator? Not like that. -Not like that. Then what? -Then what? She's tied to me, R.L.. We tied to each other. -The hell is this shit? What? I called Bojo, like you say. Called up the fellas in the band... -What? I called Bojo, like you say. Called up the fellas in the band... The fuck are all these people doin' here? Been drinkin' in this shit hole for years ain't seen this many people since I don't know... -There you go, preacher man. Get me drunk so I don't stick my foot up yo ass. I just know how you get. Good to know, them butterflies still in ya gut. -Heard about this morning. We ain't here to talk about that shit. -Yeah, you know you home, old man. You just walked through the door. I don't know, but I been told, them Georgia women sweet jelly roll. -And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Who gives this girl in marriage? I do. -You won't at the square this mornin'. Get me ten bags of mulch. -Get me ten bags of mulch. Yes'sir. -Keep the change on that. Naw... I got it, Mr. Lazarus. You wanna tip me, best do it in butter beans. Momma say she need a bag 'a yours, none of that store-bought junk. That's what she said. -What happened in there... that won't your fault. Ain't a young man alive could keep they britches on with that girl being in heat like she is. Why she got a chain on her? -Why she got a chain on her? That's between her and me. It's private. And I don't want you goin' off and tellin' ya daddy. -That's between her and me. It's private. And I don't want you goin' off and tellin' ya daddy. Please don't tell my daddy. -Please don't tell my daddy. My mouth is shut, boy. And that's how we gonna keep it. Don't go braggin' to ya buddies, ya heard me? -So... That your first time? Yes'sir. -Yes'sir. You struck some gold, didn't ya? -I skipped lunch. Well, dig in, son. Got plenty to eat. -Thank you. I gotta ask you. Why do you think Laz is keepin' you chained like this? -I gotta ask you. Why do you think Laz is keepin' you chained like this? You know how, like they say, you save someone's life, you responsible for them. Guess he just don't think it's safe for me. -You know how, like they say, you save someone's life, you responsible for them. Guess he just don't think it's safe for me. So he got it into his head that the only thing gonna keep you from endin' up bleedin' on the side of the road again, without a stitch of clothing on is... You think he's crazy for thinkin' that? -You a preacher? That's right. -That's right. Can I ask you a question? People always say, you gotta get good with Jesus, if you want not to go to hell. That you say sorry for all you done and... and Jesus would let you go on to heaven. -Can I ask you a question? People always say, you gotta get good with Jesus, if you want not to go to hell. That you say sorry for all you done and... and Jesus would let you go on to heaven. You could put it that way. -You could put it that way. But that's so fuckin' stupid. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to curse. -But that's so fuckin' stupid. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to curse. What's on your mind? -What's on your mind? You can't hurt people... and then just say, I'm sorry, and then everything just gets washed away. Why would heaven want people like that. People who... do what they want and then... switch. -You can't hurt people... and then just say, I'm sorry, and then everything just gets washed away. Why would heaven want people like that. People who... do what they want and then... switch. I'm gonna tell you somethin', and it's just gonna be between you and me. I think folks carry on about heaven too much. Like it's some all-you-can- eat buffet up in the clouds. And folks just gonna do as they're told so they can eat what they want behind some pearly gates. I can go to Shoney's for that. -It starts like this... fire... that spreads. Starts in my head. Then moves to my stomach. Then it goes lower. I can stop it sometimes but mostly I just jump on and ride it out... then everything'll go back to normal, you know. Only thing ever took that feeling away was... was... when I met Ronnie. Cuz I love him so much. He's all I got in my life that's special. And I like taking care of him and helping him when he gets nervous. When I can do that for him... it's like I'm givin' somethin' of myself that I haven't givin' nobody else. Rae, look at Ronnie. And tell him how you feel. -This ain't gonna work. Rae... -Rae... I don't see why we gotta lie 'bout it when you and I know this ain't gonna work. -I don't see why we gotta lie 'bout it when you and I know this ain't gonna work. Rae don't do this now... -Rae don't do this now... It's stupid... It's so fucking stupid! -It's stupid... It's so fucking stupid! Rae! -Hey. Hey. -Hey. You don't gotta get up but... I gotta go... -I think if I just piss... I'll be okay. You feelin' sick? -You feelin' sick? I'm just in one of my moods. You know how I get. -I'm just in one of my moods. You know how I get. Yeah, I know. -I think it'd be better if you talk to me. Yeah? -Yeah? Just about anything, you know. It can be funny or... not. Just tell me somethin'. -Well. That's my vomit. I came in here to get sick. I thought I'd make the toilet but... anyway, I got sick. Are you wasted? -Are you wasted? No. I just got a messed up stomach. -No. I just got a messed up stomach. Holy shit! -Holy shit! What? -What? Holy shit, Ronnie! You're a fuckin' rock star. -Holy shit, Ronnie! You're a fuckin' rock star. I'm a what? -I'm a what? All them people shoutin' your name like they were doing tonight! Shit! That arm you got'll get'chu on a box of cereal... -I feel better. Do you? Yeah, I do. -Ain't been a week and you already some nigger's whore? Gill told me. Told me how you and he... you and everybody... Ronnie. Please, baby... -Ronnie. Please, baby... Did 'ya have fun with her? Sweet as a peach, I bet. Huh? Huh? -Goddamn it, I ask you a question, you better answer it, or I'm gonna blast a hole in ya! Ronnie... -Didn't know you was workin' here now? I just like dressin' up in these goddamn blue vests. Your money ticket get shipped today? -What happened to your face? Got in a little accident. -Got in a little accident. Yeah. -Since you workin' on the square now, maybe we could get some coffee in the morning, if you want. You need money again? -You need money again? No. That's not why... Why we always gotta do this? I mean, you and me been at each other as far back as I can remember. Wasn't no love between us. And I'm your daughter. I'm the only family you got. -No. That's not why... Why we always gotta do this? I mean, you and me been at each other as far back as I can remember. Wasn't no love between us. And I'm your daughter. I'm the only family you got. You never needed nobody. Always made that clear to me. -You never needed nobody. Always made that clear to me. Yeah. I know I did. But... I'm tryin' to be dif'rent. I'm tryin' to... get some peace, you know? -Yeah. I know I did. But... I'm tryin' to be dif'rent. I'm tryin' to... get some peace, you know? I'm workin' here, Rae. Can you see that? -I'm workin' here, Rae. Can you see that? I just wanted some make-up. -I just wanted some make-up. All that shit's on aisle 5. -I just think you should'a kept him off me, that's all. The hell are you talkin' about? -The hell are you talkin' about? Now see? Don't do that. I'll go along with all you say about me. But that... you can't pretend no more on that. Cuz I was just a kid, Momma. I didn't know about any of that stuff he was doin' to me. And you let him do it. Some big nobody in your life... and you let him do as he wanted... with the only SOMEBODY you had. -I'm sorry... I didn't mean to shout... All my life I been puttin' out your fires, with you givin' out your snatch to every waggin' dick in this town. And you gonna lay the blame at my feet? Well, I ain't gonna take that. -All my life I been puttin' out your fires, with you givin' out your snatch to every waggin' dick in this town. And you gonna lay the blame at my feet? Well, I ain't gonna take that. But... Momma... just tell me... not gonna be mad... we can just talk about it... Be eye to eye on this... You don't even got to say you're sorry... Just say how you knew... -But... Momma... just tell me... not gonna be mad... we can just talk about it... Be eye to eye on this... You don't even got to say you're sorry... Just say how you knew... Only thing I'm sorry for is listenin' to my parents and having you instead of doin' what I should'a done. -You got any money? Thought you had a man for that. -Thought you had a man for that. I said we wasn't gonna talk about him. -I said we wasn't gonna talk about him. What we just did, you askin' for money, make a man stop. I ain't callin' you no ho. But I ain't gonna be played like no trick, neither. Remember... you called me. -What we just did, you askin' for money, make a man stop. I ain't callin' you no ho. But I ain't gonna be played like no trick, neither. Remember... you called me. Save that hustle talk to them field ballers you sell crack to. -Save that hustle talk to them field ballers you sell crack to. What'd I tell you? I don't do none of that shit no more. I'm in communications now. -What'd I tell you? I don't do none of that shit no more. I'm in communications now. Stolen phone cards and two-ways is what you sayin'. -Mobile technology is the new fix for these niggaz, I'm tellin' you. I'm just lookin' ahead. Anyways, ain't no money in drugs no more with these rednecks popping cough pills like they's Skittles. Hey, that's what you need, girl. Get you some cough medicine. What, you sick? Just a cough. Sugar and a spoonful of Jack'll do it. -Just a cough. Sugar and a spoonful of Jack'll do it. Alright. How much you need, ho? -Alright. How much you need, ho? The hell you call me? -The hell you call me? Eh, if the bootie fits... -I think she got to you, pappy. You want a popsicle, go to Good Humor. And don't call me 'pappy.' -You want a popsicle, go to Good Humor. And don't call me 'pappy.' Still, you gotta wonder how she'd look in handcuffs. -... It's not like you were slow or anything... I think you did just fine. I think you did great. Thanks. -Hey, hey, where you goin'? Home. -Wait up. You know the guy who did the Weismuller through the window -- -- Cavello. Ronnie Cavello. -He works for Frank Abolofia. Atlantic City. Casinos. So why dive through the glass for a nickel and dime bust? -What's this? Let go... -Back-up. Get rid of it. -Get rid of it. Why? -Why? It's not regulation. And the only way you're gonna stop anybody with it is to show it to him, and while he's laughing, you can shove it down his throat. -It's not regulation. And the only way you're gonna stop anybody with it is to show it to him, and while he's laughing, you can shove it down his throat. I'll get rid of it when you get rid of the egg-beater. -Nick, let's go hunting. Bag Cavello. Charlie... -... I found the goombah... Cavello. He's -- -- I should tear your head off. --- I should tear your head off. Whoa, I knew you were going to say that. I absolutely anticipated that, Nick. But I said to myself, Charlie, Charlie, we can move up on this, so go find Nicklaus... He'll be pissed for a moment, but then it'll dawn on him -- -Whoa, I knew you were going to say that. I absolutely anticipated that, Nick. But I said to myself, Charlie, Charlie, we can move up on this, so go find Nicklaus... He'll be pissed for a moment, but then it'll dawn on him -- -- Hey, I got a better chance of being hit by a bus then moving up. -What are they doing now? Eating Scungilli, just like the last time you asked. -Eating Scungilli, just like the last time you asked. Who do you think the Jap is? -Who do you think the Jap is? Maybe Cavello's buying a Subaru. How would I know? -Maybe Cavello's buying a Subaru. How would I know? I don't blame you for being sore. It'll pass when we bag him. -Charlie, don't do anything. Promise me? What? -Frank Abolofia. The Wolf? -Some party. Maybe we should do something? -Maybe we should do something? Charlie, take your gum, stick it under your ass and keep it warm. -What are you doing? Saving your life. -... Nick, you're the one that's always saying you never go anywhere. I was thinking the Poconos, Charlie. Maybe Vegas. -I was thinking the Poconos, Charlie. Maybe Vegas. What are you missing? Riding your motorcycle to the nurse's house. That shit is sadder than Ethiopia. -What are you missing? Riding your motorcycle to the nurse's house. That shit is sadder than Ethiopia. Beats forty hours on a plane. -Beats forty hours on a plane. They say we got to turn around and come right back. That's what they say. I got a plan. -I call, right? I say I got the dreaded thirty six-hour Asian shits from some raw clam and we stretch it into three days. You and I become a driving force on the local Geisha scene. Not a prayer. -Not a prayer. Hey, come on, big guy like you, cop from New York. You're gonna be the biggest thing to hit town since Godzilla. -What'd you say? Where is the subway station, please. -Nick... You up? No. -Nick, have I been a good partner? Number five with a bullet. -I just want you to know... I mean anybody who says you ever took has got to deal with me. Go to sleep, Charlie. -Go to sleep, Charlie. You didn't take, did you...? You hear things. -I worked the three nine in Queens, Charlie. I didn't know. -I didn't know. The lieutenant was on the pad along with the rest of the squad. I was new, didn't know shit. When the feathers flew, I got called in front of the special prosecutor. It's on the top of my personnel file. They think I'm dirty or I cut a deal. Doesn't leave you with a lot of friends either way. -Givin' you a book is like givin' a baby a gun. Hey, when in Rome -- -Hey, when in Rome -- In Rome, I'll bow. -Let's go. Nick, we can't just -- -Nick, we can't just -- I said let's go, Charlie. -... Detective Ich-iro Matsu-moto. Hey, we're getting Mr. Moto on our side. Let's grab some food. -Let's grab some food. First decent idea you've had. -This should be it... You said that in the last two places. -This the right place? I hope not. -Getting very weird. I'd feel better if we had some heat. -I'd feel better if we had some heat. Maybe we should bail? -It's incredible. Hit him or something. I don't think he'd feel it. -... He's a sorry old guy, but I like him. He couldn't find his ass with both hands. -Now that's the kind of motorcycle I want to see you on. Sure, a rice burning crotch rocket... -Sure, a rice burning crotch rocket... Nick, how we gonna bag this guy without any help? Maybe I should work on that girl Joyce, she speaks the language. -Squid? Pussy, ass, soft personnel. -Joyce can be nice. What'd she say? -What'd she say? That I should let you pay for the drinks. Kampai. -You cool, Ich? Cool? -Cool? You all right? You okay? -What does Ichiro mean, anyway? What does Charlie mean? -What does Charlie mean? Hey, all right. -Short shift? Yeah... I came to save you. If you're hopeless, I'll pull the plug. -It's getting too cold even for me, Nick. Connie... -Connie... All right, how's the new partner? -All right, how's the new partner? High spirits, desire, commitment. -High spirits, desire, commitment. You'll take care of that. -You'll take care of that. Give me a break, would you? -Give me a break, would you? If you give me one. -Are you expecting anyone? I wasn't expecting you. -Where do we start looking for this guy? Where would you look for the mafia? -Where're you going, Ichiro? The mayor's office, under the bed, the back room at Lombardi's. And call me Ich. -"""Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire."" To the killer. Jerry Lee Lewis." Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis, Dinky Doo And The Don't's. Let's book, Charlie. If he starts on Motown, we'll be here all night. -Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis, Dinky Doo And The Don't's. Let's book, Charlie. If he starts on Motown, we'll be here all night. No, this is the place for the young Yakuza. -No, this is the place for the young Yakuza. That's what you said in the last three piss pots. -... We got to keep looking. Track him down! Great balls of fire! What's the problem here? -Nick! Give us a break... -Give us a break... It's Ichiro. Ich. -It's Ichiro. Ich. Leave the rice cake outside and go home! -You know, Inspector, you take shit once, you take shit forever. I don't deserve Ohashi's respect. -I don't deserve Ohashi's respect. Why the hell not? -Why the hell not? I don't, that's all. -What happened? They made you leave your hotel... ... you caused a disturbance. -It may be too soon to talk about it. When someone we care for dies we... ... keep something of their's. A tie, a pen. Why weren't you at the platform? -Why weren't you at the platform? I couldn't keep up. My shame is complete. -You must leave? Yeah... -Yeah... I'll get him for you, Nick. -I've continued working on the case! I can see that. -How'd you get this? I stole them. -Know her? We can ask someone I used to work with. A criminal. Someone I pay money to... -We can ask someone I used to work with. A criminal. Someone I pay money to... A snitch? -What's he saying? He says they're very nice. He wants to know if you have anymore. -Nick, no one's seen Kobo in three days. He might not even be in Tokyo. Only one way to find out... Get her up in the morning and put her to bed at night. -You said you could keep up with her! 'No problem, Nick-san.' No. Don't say anything. Don't do anything, and for Christ's sake, don't apologize! -No. Don't say anything. Don't do anything, and for Christ's sake, don't apologize! Nick... -What'd I tell you? There she is! -Did I say that? You toler -- yes, tolerate me. -You toler -- yes, tolerate me. Are we getting married? -You're doing fine, Ich. Now drop it, okay? Sure. -Nick... If you're gonna give me a hard time, wait outside. -Work, lunch, groceries, laundry... Fabulous... Four goddamn days. This is going nowhere... -Chikuwa, Hampen, Kobu, Konnayaku, Ganmodoki -- Ichiro -- -Ichiro -- Broiled fish paste cake, Kelp roll, soybean curd, devils tongue -- -Broiled fish paste cake, Kelp roll, soybean curd, devils tongue -- Smells like Bayonne at low tide. -Yakuza. Good. Very good... -She disappeared... shit! You were too far behind. -You can't come in. They don't want -- Gaiijin. -Gaiijin. I'll check it out. -If I smell one drop of Scotch on your breath, my friend -- You can trust me. -I'm not drunk... We're through. I mean it. This is the end of the line, Matsumoto. -We're through. I mean it. This is the end of the line, Matsumoto. Nick -- -Nick -- Shut-up. -... A Godfather. His man was killed at the printing plant. I want to yank Kobo. -I want to yank Kobo. Not without a small army, Nicklaus- san. -Ich, my name is Nick. Not Nicklaus, not Nicklaus-san, not Nick-san. Nick. San is an honorable title. -Nick! A few minutes faster, we might've nailed him. -Where does this Sugai live? A resort city, Beppu. -A resort city, Beppu. I want to go talk to him. -I want to go talk to him. What...? Why? -What...? Why? Because he knows how to get to our man. -Because he knows how to get to our man. He'll never speak to a Gaiijin. -He'll never speak to a Gaiijin. I'll be a nice Gaiijin. -It's very small. Big enough. -Big enough. It's illegal, Nick. -It's illegal, Nick. It's a new deal. ... coming with me tomorrow? -It's a new deal. ... coming with me tomorrow? Sugai's not going to be impressed with your gun, Nick. No. I won't put myself in danger for you anymore. -What's in the box? For Sugai. Caviar, French cheese, ham... If you come to apologize for interrupting his meeting, Sugai may feel obligated to see you. -For Sugai. Caviar, French cheese, ham... If you come to apologize for interrupting his meeting, Sugai may feel obligated to see you. So I bring some cheese? -No... Let's go. Him first. -Let's go. Him first. Nick, you can't do this. -Nick, you can't do this. It's done. You don't have to come. -Grab the keys, Ich, and get inside. No. -No. Not now, man, okay, not now. Work with me. -Start it. I can't... -Just one, compadre... Kampai. Kampai. -You did great, Ichiro. I called Ohashi, he'll be waiting. I like him waiting. -I was ready to have your ass for taking off on me. I followed them. An hour from the train station. -I followed them. An hour from the train station. How many men? -How many men? I couldn't tell. -I couldn't tell. Joyce? -Joyce? I don't know. -I don't know. We need the plate to negotiate with. -Someone attacked him. Now we've got nothing to negotiate with. -Thank you. You have one? A wife. She left. -A wife. She left. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Me too. -What's that for? Luck. -You know, Nick, we can't lose. Why's that? -Why's that? Because we're the biggest things to hit this town since Godzilla. -You all right? Yes... -Yes... Call for help. -Louder, pal, louder. Joyce, give the assistant Chief Inspector a drink, would you? -Think we'll get him, Nick? We can't lose. -We can't lose. How can you be so sure? -Don't give him any more. He gets as much as he wants. -Ich said you left. There was a change in plans. -Dead gaiijin's are big news. Gaiijin? -Gaiijin? An outside person. A foreigner. A barbarian. You, me. More you. -An outside person. A foreigner. A barbarian. You, me. More you. I could use some help. Show me around. I'll pay you for your time. -I could use some help. Show me around. I'll pay you for your time. I don't give tours. -You can count on the truth from people who don't like you. You have a helluva way of asking for help. -You have a helluva way of asking for help. You have a helluva way of answering. -Look, you need Ich. I've been here five years and I still can't read all the street signs. Maybe I'm a quicker learner. -Maybe I'm a quicker learner. I don't think so. -She ever pull down her shades? Sure, but then I just pull out the photos. -Don't be an ass. He's on duty. -He's on duty. I paid for that. -You know where I can get a decent cup of coffee this time of night? I'm buying. Somebody must be suffering somewhere, you're being so nice. -I need your help, Joyce. Where's Ich? -Where's Ich? Unavailable. -I've heard of Sugai. I've also heard of the emperor. They're both national treasures. One's a hood. I need someone to translate for me. -I need someone to translate for me. My Japanese isn't that hot... Besides, you'll never get in. -My Japanese isn't that hot... Besides, you'll never get in. It's my last shot. I have to be on a plane home tomorrow night. -It's my last shot. I have to be on a plane home tomorrow night. And I'm supposed to care? -And I'm supposed to care? You could fake it. -You're wrong to sell Ich short. He drinks. -He drinks. He's got a reason. -Where's the wife? You met her. -I'd invite you up but I know you'd hate the incense. I chant. What do you chant? -What do you chant? 'Nam oyo ranged kyo.' You think it's dumb of course. -'Nam oyo ranged kyo.' You think it's dumb of course. Not if it works. I'll meet you at the train? -Not if it works. I'll meet you at the train? I don't remember saying yes. -I don't remember saying yes. I don't remember you saying no. -They want your autograph. Who am I supposed to be? -Who am I supposed to be? This little guy thinks you're Robert Redford... the other one thinks you're Charles Bronson... -This little guy thinks you're Robert Redford... the other one thinks you're Charles Bronson... Tell them I'm not. -We're in? The cheese... -You'll get Ich killed. No one's keeping him here. -No one's keeping him here. Bullshit, Nick. And don't tell me this is all just about Charlie. It's not. -Bullshit, Nick. And don't tell me this is all just about Charlie. It's not. Why would you care? -I still think you're a bastard. What if I chant? -What if I chant? Wouldn't help. Watch out for Ich. -Can't make you change your mind? Last time you asked me to come along I nearly got a hole in my head. -Last time you asked me to come along I nearly got a hole in my head. Might be different in New York. -Might be different in New York. Maybe. If I come visit, we can find out. -Maybe. If I come visit, we can find out. I'd like that. -Keep the change. I'm taking you back. -Ugly... A couple of thousand years they've been bound by these little rules. Looking in. Always afraid. Ugly little lives... Save it, I already took the tour. -Save it, I already took the tour. You are a lucky man. Where you come from a man can stand out. It's expected. Here a man is made to look a fool for standing out. -I like your friend, Joyce. You're lucky. Guess I'm on a roll. -Guess I'm on a roll. She's such a long way home for you. -She's such a long way home for you. Time, I've got plenty of. -This is my stop. I'm amused. -I'm amused. Don't be. -Sugai won't give it to me, you know that. Then take it from him. -How big a package we talking about? This by this... -This by this... Dope? -Dope? Not in that company. -Not in that company. The old man was a Japanese paper manufacturer. Hotel room and rental car were full of it. -One guy do all the damage? Yeah. -Yeah. Thought you knew your way around dark alleys, detective. -Doesn't speak a word of English. And he won't speak Japanese either. No papers. The Japanese embassy is very interested. Why? -Why? He's wanted in Japan. They want him first. Then we can have him. -He's wanted in Japan. They want him first. Then we can have him. What? -You and Charlie are taking the Jap home, tonight. What...? What if I say no? -What...? What if I say no? Check your gun before you leave. They're not allowed in Japan. It's a nice, safe country. -Check your gun before you leave. They're not allowed in Japan. It's a nice, safe country. Why me? -Why me? They said send a detective if I could spare one. I can always spare you. -It's not your job. He was my partner. -He was my partner. They're blaming it on you. Christ, Conklin, you didn't even tell me you lost the prisoner! -They're blaming it on you. Christ, Conklin, you didn't even tell me you lost the prisoner! I planned on catching him, Captain. -I planned on catching him, Captain. How? You don't know the place. You don't know the language. Get on the plane. -How? You don't know the place. You don't know the language. Get on the plane. He killed a police officer. -He killed a police officer. Your plane's at nine a.m. Be on it. That's orders. Period. -... Remember, counterfeiting is the Feds. They'll be all over Abolofia's place. Stick tight. You I.D. the other plate, he does real time. Right. -You lost a man we wanted for some time. It was very incompetent on your part, officer. Incompetent is letting people waltz through a secure area wearing your uniforms, carrying official documents. -I want a gun. It is not allowed. -It is not allowed. We're police officers. -We're police officers. You're foreigners. -You're foreigners. Work with me. I want your best detective. -Hey, inspector, I don't intend to take the rap for this. Do you know what this is? -Could you fill me in? Why don't you ask your chief detective? -Because I want you to tell me. The young are eating the old, something that usually doesn't happen here. -The young are eating the old, something that usually doesn't happen here. Can we skip the poetry, inspector? -What's this? Your visa has expired. Be on a plane in twenty-four hours or you will be deported. -Your visa has expired. Be on a plane in twenty-four hours or you will be deported. While you were hanging out at the visa office, we found the son-of-a- bitch. -While you were hanging out at the visa office, we found the son-of-a- bitch. Look. -Hey...! HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU, INSPECTOR! Twenty-four hours, detective. -Your plane leaves at six. Two officers will escort you. For God's sake, Ohashi, I need your help. Let me out of here! -For God's sake, Ohashi, I need your help. Let me out of here! You had my help, detective. -You had my help, detective. If anything happens to her while I'm here -- -If anything happens to her while I'm here -- -- Do you know where she is, detective? Do you know how to find her? Even where to start? We will find them. --- Do you know where she is, detective? Do you know how to find her? Even where to start? We will find them. I have to get to Sugai. -I have to get to Sugai. Goodbye, officer. -Seven years work by the finest engraver. Mass produced, sequentially numbered. The best there has ever been, Mr. Conklin. I'm impressed. But let's use the short form. I'm looking for -- -I'm impressed. But let's use the short form. I'm looking for -- -- Kobo... I know. He killed two of my partners. One in New York, one at the printing plant. -I took Kobo from the street. I gave him a home, a future... But my ways were too slow for him... I served seven years in prison for my boss when I was a young man. Kobo wouldn't serve seven minutes for his Oyabun. He was supposed to take over this syndicate when I retired. I want him. -I want him. He'll be dealt with. -Our associates in New York were close to closing a deal with us. The families who control the casinos? -The families who control the casinos? Yes. Unlike our syndicates, your criminals don't understand the words 'honor' and 'duty'... We can't afford not to deal with them. -Imagine if your families could pay their gambling and drug debts with perfect counterfeit bought for cents on the dollar. The Feds would be onto you in a month. -The Feds would be onto you in a month. Not with these bills. And even if it only took them six months, do you know what our profit margin would be? -Why tell me this? The other plate is currently in New York, in the hands of Kobo's man. Find it for me. -The other plate is currently in New York, in the hands of Kobo's man. Find it for me. You trust me? -You trust me? I'll pay you. -With these? Swiss bank deposit. Gold bullion. Whatever you want. You know the city and the police. -Swiss bank deposit. Gold bullion. Whatever you want. You know the city and the police. If I say no? -If I say no? You're smarter than Kobo. You know the price of deceit. Think about it. -You're smarter than Kobo. You know the price of deceit. Think about it. I don't have to. -Good. He'll find out you took me. I'm unprotected. He'll kill us. All of us. You don't stand a chance. -That wasn't our deal. You want him dead too. -You want him dead too. After a court convicts him. He belongs to me. -Can't thank you enough, Mr. Sebastian. If you hadn't come along... We were worried to death. It's awfully kind of you. -We're not used to the big city. Where we come from it's not so easy to get lost. You certainly have a nice place here. -You certainly have a nice place here. Well stocked. -He knows what he's doing. If he won't cooperate? -If he won't cooperate? Mr. Sebastian is a host who wants to be appreciated. We'll appreciate him and he'll cooperate. -I'm sure glad you found us, Sebastian. What do you think, Mary? I don't think there is another human being in this whole world who would have helped us. -I don't think there is another human being in this whole world who would have helped us. Pris? -Let's go while there is still time. Where? -Where? Anywhere. -What's the point? Not to be trapped. -Not to be trapped. You underestimate the trap, Mary. -One man. He must be good. Then go get him. -Then go get him. That wouldn't be very sporting. -The name is Batty. Roy Batty. Oh? -Yeah. It might be better if we talk in private, Sebastian. Why don't you go home. Here's your check, my boy. Thank you. -I'm surprised you didn't come to me sooner. It's not an easy thing to meet your maker. -It's not an easy thing to meet your maker. And what can he do for you? -And what can he do for you? Can the maker repair what he makes? -Can the maker repair what he makes? Would you like to be modified? -Would you like to be modified? Had in mind something a little more radical. -Had in mind something a little more radical. What's the problem? -What's the problem? Death. -Death. I'm afraid that's a little out of my... -I want more life, fucker. Come here. -The facts of life. I'll be blunt. To make an alteration in the evolvement of an organic life system, at least by men, makers or not, it fatal. A coding sequence can't be revised once it's established. Why? -Why? Because by the second day of incubation any cells that have undergone reversion mutation give rise to revertant colonies -- like rats leaving a sinking ship. The ship sinks. -Because by the second day of incubation any cells that have undergone reversion mutation give rise to revertant colonies -- like rats leaving a sinking ship. The ship sinks. What about E.M.S. recombination? -What about E.M.S. recombination? We've already tried it -- ethyl methane sulfonate is an alkylating agent and a potent mutagen -- it creates a virus so lethal the subject was destroyed before we left the table. -Then a repressor protein that blocks the operating cells. Wouldn't obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication, so that the newly formed DNA strand carries a mutation and you're got a virus again... but all this is academic -- you are made as good as we could make you. -Wouldn't obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication, so that the newly formed DNA strand carries a mutation and you're got a virus again... but all this is academic -- you are made as good as we could make you. But not to last. -But not to last. Put it this way. Rolls Royces are made to last -- as least they were. But I'm afraid you're a Ferrari. A high strung racing car -- built to win, not to last. -Also you're too valuable to experiment with. I am? -I've done some questionable things. Also extraordinary things. -Also extraordinary things. Nothing the God of biomechanics wouldn't let you in heaven for. -I like a man who stays put. An admirable thing to be able to sustain yourself in these times. You live here all by yourself, do you? Well, no, not really. There's Mr. Deetchum, he's the watchman, he lives on the first floor. -How about breakfast, I was just going to make some. If it wouldn't be too much of a bother... a little bite to eat would be... -If it wouldn't be too much of a bother... a little bite to eat would be... Oh, no bother, I'd be glad to. -Oh, no bother, I'd be glad to. Well, actually -Why are you staring at us? You're just all so... so different. -What, Sebastian? You're androids. -What generation are you? Nexus - 6. -Show me something? Like what? -Like what? Like... -We have a lot in common. You mean that you can't come here and I can't go there? -You mean that you can't come here and I can't go there? Not only that, but we have smiliar problems. Accelerated decrepitude. But we don't want to die quite yet. -Not only that, but we have smiliar problems. Accelerated decrepitude. But we don't want to die quite yet. Of course not. -Of course not. You could help us. -You could help us. I don't know much about biomechanics, Roy. I wish I did, but you're out of my league. -I don't know much about biomechanics, Roy. I wish I did, but you're out of my league. If we don't find help soon, Pris hasn't got long to live. -What about your friend, the man who owns this building? Dr. Tyrell? -He's not really my friend. I just do a job for him now and then. Tyrell could help us, Sebastian. -Tyrell could help us, Sebastian. He could? -He could? His company made us. -His company made us. I'd be happy to mention it to him. -I'd be happy to mention it to him. Be better if I could talk to him in person. But he's not an easy man to get to. -Be better if I could talk to him in person. But he's not an easy man to get to. No. -No. When do you deliver your project? -When do you deliver your project? This afternoon. -You're our best and only friend. Thank you. -Where are you going, Sebastian? Just thought I'd... -Just thought I'd... No, you stay here with us. Out last night together. -What's going on down there? He's not ready yet. -He's not ready yet. When? -When? Tomorrow, he says. -This is my Uncle Roy, Sebastian. Hello, glad to meet you. -Then we're stupid and we'll die. Not if everybody is doing their job here at home. How are things at home? -I think, therefore I am. Very good, Pris. Now show him why. -I want to do it. Okay, but don't kill him. Save a little for everybody. A masterpiece. -Six, huh? Five. Three nights ago one of them managed to break into the Tyrell Corporation. Killed two guards and got as far as the Genetic Sector before he got fried going through an electro- field. -Five. Three nights ago one of them managed to break into the Tyrell Corporation. Killed two guards and got as far as the Genetic Sector before he got fried going through an electro- field. What was he after? -What was he after? There wasn't much left of him, so we can't be sure. But bio- chemical data and morphology records of the Nexus-6 were reported missing. Going on the possibility they might try to infiltrate we send Holden in to run Voight-Kampff tests on the new employees. Guess he found himself one. -You got a machine on it yet? We're using Esper -- a 231 -- that picked up Holden's alarm. Its guess is that all five are in the city. -We're using Esper -- a 231 -- that picked up Holden's alarm. Its guess is that all five are in the city. Where do we start? -The Tyrell Corporation has a demo model. Check it out on the Voight-Kampff. There's a chance the Nexus-6 is beyond out ability to detect. If that's the case, everybody's up shit creek. What was the cover on the one that got Holden? -What was the cover on the one that got Holden? Industrial refuse. -Industrial refuse. Garbage man? -Yeah. Bryant here. Regarding the rundown you requested on job applicants, Esper's concluded that the only irregular category that Tyrell's got is the entertainment section. You better get on it. -Bryant here. Regarding the rundown you requested on job applicants, Esper's concluded that the only irregular category that Tyrell's got is the entertainment section. You better get on it. I was just about to have my dinner. -I was just about to have my dinner. If you hurry you'll get back before it gets cold. I got a spinner on your roof in five minutes. Good luck. -She was gonna get away. Then let her get away. I thought you were a pro -- you're supposed to be a fuckin' tracker! -I didn't like her. You didn't like her!? -Look, go home. Get some rest. Take an aspirin. Yeah. -Yeah. This is Bryant. Are you alone? -This is Bryant. Are you alone? Yeah. -Yeah. She's not with you? -She's not with you? Who. -Take a number. Canapt 1700, tenth floor, Villa Vita District, Olympia South. Got it. -Got it. Okay, here it is. Eldon Tyrell, his family and half his staff were just massacred. The cat is about to get out of the bag. Pressure is definitely on. The Nexus program is terminated. When you finish there, locate Nexus designated Rachael and retire. -If you don't, we will. It has to be total, Deckard. That's an order from as high as it comes. Got it? Yeah. I got it. -Yeah. I got it. Go. -It's gotta be right for my customer. Your customer, eh? -Well, when do you get paid? Soon as I finish the job. -Soon as I finish the job. When might that be? -When might that be? Day after tomorrow. -Day after tomorrow. Oh! Day after tomorrow. -Machines can be helpful sometimes, but they can also be a pain in the ass. Ask for a trace on a forger and you might wind up at a steel- mill. I don't mind a bum-steer once in a while -- it's their personalities that usually get me. Somebody once said that man makes machines in his own image. If that's true, whoever made Esper should have been shot. This is Esper and I'm ready. Go ahead please. -You equipped for random questions? Why, yes, of course. -Why, yes, of course. You start. -You start. The five in question are third generation Nexus Sixes, constructed of skin-flesh culture, selected enogenic transfer conversion capable of self-perpetuating thought, para-physical abilities and developed for emigration program. Are you with me? -The five in question are third generation Nexus Sixes, constructed of skin-flesh culture, selected enogenic transfer conversion capable of self-perpetuating thought, para-physical abilities and developed for emigration program. Are you with me? How do I stop one? -How do I stop one? Unlike a five, they can sustain massive traumas to several parts of the body without debilitating another. Sever a leg and it will perform quicker on the remaining leg than the fastest man can run, -Unlike a five, they can sustain massive traumas to several parts of the body without debilitating another. Sever a leg and it will perform quicker on the remaining leg than the fastest man can run, Okay, but... -Okay, but... I'm coming to that. Vulnerable zone is the base of the skull, the occipital bone. A direct hit is a positive retirement. -Here's something you might find interesting. They have been built to emulate the human in every way except in its emotional spectrum. However, after a period of time it is only logical that such a 'mechanism' would create its own emotional responses, hate, love, fear, anger, envy. I know all that. -I know all that. What about a summary then. -What about a summary then. I think we're through for the night. -Yes? Do you have something against science? -Do you have something against science? Not if it works. -Not if it works. And what in your estimation works? -And what in your estimation works? The umbrella. -Four years. Which would make her termination date... Never mind. Do they have that knowledge? -Never mind. Do they have that knowledge? Longevity is classified. No. -Okay, gimme a run-down on the three females. Nexus designated Mary: incept November 1 2017, domestic conditioning non competitive, trained for day care position. -Nexus designated Mary: incept November 1 2017, domestic conditioning non competitive, trained for day care position. Next. -Next. Nexus designated Pris: incept data December 13 2017, competitive, programmed to provide pleasure for long term spacers. -Nexus designated Pris: incept data December 13 2017, competitive, programmed to provide pleasure for long term spacers. Number three. -Number three. Nexus designated Zhora: incept June 13th 2017, athletic conditioning, highly competitive, special abilities in the entertainment field. -I think I have no money. It's okay. Forget it. -It's okay. Forget it. But I would like to buy you drink. -But I would like to buy you drink. I'll but you one. What'll you have? -I'll but you one. What'll you have? Vodka! -Vodka! Shot of vodka, please. -Shot of vodka, please. Thank you very much. -Thank you very much. My pleasure. -Prosit. Prosit. -You want to see my friends? Sorry, don't have the time. -Sorry, don't have the time. No problem. -Those cockroaches? Ya. -How long you had these guys? Two months. But this one is not guy. It is girl. His girl. -Prosit. Prosit. -You like to kiss her goodbye. No thanks. -I like you. I like you too. -I like you too. One more, eh? -One more, eh? I gotta piss. -How old am I? I don't know. -My birthday is April 10, 2015. How long do I live? Four years. -I'm great. I mean, I know I'm not really great, but I feel just great. How you like my new suit? Well, you don't have to worry about getting it wrinkled. -Don't make me laugh. It makes me pee. Sorry. -Sorry. Hey, it's okay. I like to pee. So how are you doing? -Hey, it's okay. I like to pee. So how are you doing? I'm doing okay. -I'm doing okay. From what I hear you're doing great. Bryant tells me you're going like a god damn one-man army. Making a lot of money, huh? -From what I hear you're doing great. Bryant tells me you're going like a god damn one-man army. Making a lot of money, huh? Yeah. But that's what I wanted to talk to you about. -Yeah. But that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Money? -Money? No. I got a problem. -No. I got a problem. Let's hear it. -Let's hear it. I think I'm starting to empathize with these Nexus-sixes. -What's that? I'm taking a piss. -Love is just another name for sex. Love is sexy and sex is lovely -- I don't care what you call it, an android can't have it. These aren't just... -These aren't just... I know what they are, Deck -- Look, maybe they can pretend to feel, but far as the raw, hot emotions of the old heart -- no way. -Nerves of steel. No rust? -No rust? I didn't say that. Your motivity rate checked out a little slower than last time. -I didn't say that. Your motivity rate checked out a little slower than last time. Meaning? -Meaning? Meaning you don't run as fast as you used to. -During the road test... Yeah? -Yeah? Your mind kept wandering. That bothered me. -Your mind kept wandering. That bothered me. Huh huh. -Huh huh. Considering the nature of your work, that could be unhealthy. -Considering the nature of your work, that could be unhealthy. True. -But you haven't put in for emigration. Nope. -Nope. You're going to be over the limit. -You're going to be over the limit. Listen, I could make you a long list of complaints about this fucken city but I still rather be here than up there. -Listen, I could make you a long list of complaints about this fucken city but I still rather be here than up there. What if you change your mind? -What if you change your mind? They'll change the limit before I change my mind. -They'll change the limit before I change my mind. You sure? -You sure? Never been more sure of anything in my life. -Why didn't you go? Too old. -Too old. But if you could? -My job is here. Me too. -Taffey Lewis? Yes? -Yes? Can I come in? -I'd like you to take a look at these pictures. Of course. -You see I lost my contacts a couple of days ago around here somewhere and my sight is a little... What am I supposed to be looking for? Do you recognize any of them? -This one looks familiar, but I don't know. Naw. There's one came in today looks a little like this one but... What did she want? -What did she want? Who? -Who? The girl that doesn't look like that girl. -The girl that doesn't look like that girl. Nothing. She wanted to know about suck night. -Nothing. She wanted to know about suck night. What night? -What night? I didn't know if I wanted to handle her -- I already got a snake act. But my partner goes down there to the Opera House on suck night to book the good ones. -I didn't know if I wanted to handle her -- I already got a snake act. But my partner goes down there to the Opera House on suck night to book the good ones. What's suck night? -What's suck night? That's what we call in the trade, audition free-for- alls and most of it sucks. Bit I don't think that's her. -That's what we call in the trade, audition free-for- alls and most of it sucks. Bit I don't think that's her. You talking about the Opera House on the Main? -Book the good ones for where? Lots of places. The tours, the clubs, the Silicone shows, private parties. -Lots of places. The tours, the clubs, the Silicone shows, private parties. What shows? -What shows? Silicone Valley. Lots of these science guys never leave that place. We book two shows a month in there. Those big time techs and bio- guys might be real high zoners up here, but when it comes to the arts, they like it loud and lewd. -Yeah? I'm with the American Federation of Variety Artists... -There's been reports of management sexually abusing the artists in this place. I don't know nothing about it. -I don't know nothing about it. You haven't felt yourself to be exploited by the management in any way? -How do you mean 'exploited'? Like to get this position. Did you or were you asked to do anything lewd or unsavory or otherwise repulsive to your person? -Like to get this position. Did you or were you asked to do anything lewd or unsavory or otherwise repulsive to your person? Are you for real? -Are you for real? Oh, yeah. You'd be surprised what goes on around here. I'd like to check the dressing room if I could. -Oh, yeah. You'd be surprised what goes on around here. I'd like to check the dressing room if I could. What the fuck for? -What the fuck for? For holes. -It that mother real? Of course he's not real. You think I'd be working here if I could afford a real snake? -Of course he's not real. You think I'd be working here if I could afford a real snake? It's a good job. -It's a good job. You mean the snake. -The best. Does it eat? -Does it eat? Come on. -Jeezus! Sorry. -Sorry. Hey! Do your job but don't wreck mine, huh? -You'd be surprised what a guy'll go through to get a glimpse of a beautiful body. I bet I would. -I bet I would. Little dirty holes the bastards drill in the wall so they can watch a lady undress. -Me. And who do I go to about you? -It seems your department doesn't believe out new unit is to the public benefit. A humanoid robot is like any other machine, it can be a benefit or a hazard. If it's a benefit, it's not our problem. -A humanoid robot is like any other machine, it can be a benefit or a hazard. If it's a benefit, it's not our problem. But because your department can't do an adequate job in detecting the miniscule number at large, it's a problem. Correct, Mr. Deckard? -It's artificial? Of course not. -Are you apprehensive? Why should I be? -Why should I be? For the responsibility of your power. Being a police bureaucrat, you've got more than your share. -I wouldn't accept it. Also, I'd report the person who gave it to me to the police. You have a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection, plus the killing jar. -I'd take him to the doctor. You're watching T.V. and suddenly you notice a wasp crawling on your wrist. -You're watching T.V. and suddenly you notice a wasp crawling on your wrist. I'd kill it. -In a magazine you come across a full-page photo of a nude girl. Is this testing whether I'm an android or a lesbian? -Is this testing whether I'm an android or a lesbian? You show the picture to your husband. He likes it and hangs it on the wall. The girl is lying on a bearskin rug. -You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion. I'd never get an abortion. -I'd never get an abortion. Why not? -Why not? That would be murder, Mr. Deckard. -That would be murder, Mr. Deckard. In your opinion. -In your opinion. It would be my child. -It would be my child. Sounds like you speaks from experience. -Last question. You're watching an old movie. It shows a banquet in progress, the guests are enjoying raw oysters. Ugh. -Is there anything else? I know you think it complicates your work, but I'm here to help. -I know you think it complicates your work, but I'm here to help. I've already got more help than I need. -I've already got more help than I need. I think you need more help than you've got. -There's two reasons a man rejects help. Either because he's so good at what he does he doesn't think he needs it, or he's so insecure he can't admit it. Sounds like I'm an ass-hole either way, but the answer is still no. -Sounds like I'm an ass-hole either way, but the answer is still no. Two of us might be more effective than one. -Two of us might be more effective than one. I work alone. -You use your equipment, don't you? So? -So? So, I'm a piece of equipment. Use me. -Do I make you nervous? Yeah. -Yeah. I'm sorry. -I can imagine. Can you? I couldn't. -They probably want to find out when they were made. Right. -Don't just stand there looking at me. It's not polite. What do you want me to do? -What do you want me to do? Sit. -You ever take a bath with a man before? There's a lot I haven't done with a man before. -I told you I'd come back. You did? -You did? You didn't hear me. You were sleeping. -Who is this? Me and my dad. -Me and my dad. Where is he? -Where is he? Dead. -Dead. Oh. -How come you're not on the job? I am. Part of my job is to sit on a couch and try and figure things out. -I am. Part of my job is to sit on a couch and try and figure things out. How are you doing? -How are you doing? Not too good. -What do people do in the afternoon? If they are smart, they take naps. -Do you dream? Yeah. Sometimes. -Yeah. Sometimes. I wish I could. -Did you cry when your father died? Yeah. -Yeah. That's another thing I can't do. -Nobody is freer than when he dreams. I read that. It wasn't very good last night, was it? -It wasn't very good last night, was it? I don't know, I have nothing to compare it to. I guess I thought there was something more to it. -I don't know, I have nothing to compare it to. I guess I thought there was something more to it. What? -What? I don't know... I think I missed something. -I don't know... I think I missed something. Like? -Like? I'm not sure. Is there a secret? -When was the last time you cleaned this place? Hmmm? -Hmmm? Have you ever cleaned your apartment? -Have you ever cleaned your apartment? Don't be fooled by appearances. -Don't be fooled by appearances. It appears to be dirty -- why don't you get somebody? -They could clean around the arrangement. I don't like people snooping around my stuff. -But if I don't plug it in how can I... Never mind the plug, just go through the motions. -Never mind the plug, just go through the motions. But then how can you... -But then how can you... I don't like the noise. Just practice. Practice makes perfect. -This feels stupid. Good for a smart girl to feel stupid. Part of your education. -You're sick, Deckard. I never felt better. -Have you ever known anybody a long time? You mean a woman? -You mean a woman? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. What's a long time? -What's a long time? Ten years. -Ten years. Nope. Nobody could stand me that long. -Why do you call it retire, why don't you call it murder? Because it's not. -Because it's not. Don't you think anything that can suffer deserves to be considered? -Don't you think anything that can suffer deserves to be considered? Andies only simulate suffering -- if they're programmed for it. -Andies only simulate suffering -- if they're programmed for it. Do you think I simulated what happened between us? -Do you think I simulated what happened between us? No, I don't. -Don't leave here. Don't open the door, don't answer the phone. What difference will it make? -What difference will it make? Just wait here. -You know what I think? What? -What? That some of the folks around here are more programmed then me. -Where the hell you been? You know where I been. I been on vacation. -You know where I been. I been on vacation. Next time you go on vacation, do me a favor, let us know where it is. -Next time you go on vacation, do me a favor, let us know where it is. What's up? -What's up? Holden got hit. -Bad? Severed spine. You'd better get in here. Bryant's waiting for you. -Severed spine. You'd better get in here. Bryant's waiting for you. I'll see you in a minute. -Thanks. Black? -Black? Please. -Is this to be an empathy test? Yes. -Yes. Capillary dilation of the so-called blush response? Plus fluctuation of the pupil, plus involuntary dilation of the iris? -May I ask a personal question? Go ahead. -Go ahead. Have you ever retired a human by mistake? -Have you ever retired a human by mistake? No. -No. But in your profession that is a risk. -But in your profession that is a risk. Nothing is infallible, but so far the Voight-Kampff scale bas been foolproof. -Nothing is infallible, but so far the Voight-Kampff scale bas been foolproof. Like you said, Mr. Deckard, a machine can be a hazard. The Voight-Kampff scale is a machine, isn't it? -Like you said, Mr. Deckard, a machine can be a hazard. The Voight-Kampff scale is a machine, isn't it? One that relies on human interpretation. Where's the subject? -One that relies on human interpretation. Where's the subject? Sitting next to you. -Well? If she is, the machine works. -If she is, the machine works. The machine works. She is. -How many questions did it take? Thirteen. -She didn't know? Memory implant. She was programmed. But I think she has transcended her conditioning. I think she was beginning to suspect. -How many questions does it usually take, Mr. Deckard? Five, maybe six. -And how is it one man will be able to cover so much ground? Discreetly. -Discreetly. All pertinent information is being fed into your departmental computer, an Esper 231 -- I believe -- and a photo over-lay packet is being produced. -Let's keep our eyes on the road, Deckard. Sorry. -We're going to have to start the sequence again if you don't stay with me, Deckard. Concentrate. How do you know I'm not? -How do you know I'm not? You're not responding to the stimulus. I can see right here, I'm not getting a reading. -You're not responding to the stimulus. I can see right here, I'm not getting a reading. I'm tired of this. -I'm tired of this. Almost through. -I kinda get nervous when I take tests. Don't move. -Don't move. Sorry. -Already had I.Q. test this year -- but I don't think I never had a... Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Answer quickly as you can. -You're in a desert, walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down and see a... What one? -What? What desert? -What desert? Doesn't make any difference what desert -- it's completely hypothetical. -Doesn't make any difference what desert -- it's completely hypothetical. But how come I'd be there? -But how come I'd be there? Maybe you're fed up, maybe you want to be by yourself -- who knows. So you look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling towards you... -Maybe you're fed up, maybe you want to be by yourself -- who knows. So you look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling towards you... A tortoise. What's that? -A tortoise. What's that? Know what a turtle is? -Know what a turtle is? Of course. -Of course. Same thing. -Same thing. I never seen a turtle. -But I understand what you mean. You reach down and flip the tortoise over on its back, Leon. -Whatcha mean, I'm not helping? I mean you're not helping! Why is that, Leon? -How come you were in my truck? I was tired and didn't have any place to go. -What's your name? Pris. -Pris. Mine's J.F. Sebastian. -Mine's J.F. Sebastian. Hi. -You want to go home? I don't have one. -I don't have one. Oh. -Where are your folks? They left. -They left. What about friends? -What about friends? I have some, but I have to find out where they are staying. -We scared each other pretty good didn't we? We sure did. -I'm hungry, J.F. I've got stuff. If you wanna go to my place? -I've got stuff. If you wanna go to my place? I was hoping you'd say that. -Whatcha doin'? You scared me. -You look... better. Just better. -Just better. Beautiful. -Beautiful. Thanks. -And you live in this building all by yourself? Yeah, I live here pretty much alone right now... -Twenty. What's your problem? -Methuselah Syndrome. What's that? -What's that? My glands. They grow old too fast. -My glands. They grow old too fast. Is that why you're still here? -Is that why you're still here? Yes. I couldn't pass the test. -Ah, you get hold of your friends? As a matter of fact I did. They've got some work to do tonight, but they're gonna come tomorrow. -As a matter of fact I did. They've got some work to do tonight, but they're gonna come tomorrow. Good. -Sebastian doesn't like to go out too much. I keep a lot of provisions right here. -What makes you think so? You're all so perfect. -Hi! Yes? -Yes? I was wondering if you might help me. I...I seem to have lost my Congressional Medal of Honor somewhere around here. -Oh, now, that's a great one! You like it? -You like it? Bravo! -Bravo! Thank-Q! -This is my new friend... I'm Adam Webber. -I'm Adam Webber. He's really funny! -We work on Rodeo Drive. But we're both professional dancers. Really? -You're kidding! No, I'm not! My mom taught me. -No, I'm not! My mom taught me. Your mom was a dancer? -Your mom was a dancer? She is a dancer! And a lovely one! You would like her very much! Shall we dance? -She is a dancer! And a lovely one! You would like her very much! Shall we dance? Sure. -I'm Nina Aron, Adam. How do you do? -How do you do? Very well, thank you. I'm with the County Family Services Department. Eve tells me you've been living in a bomb shelter most of your life. -Very well, thank you. I'm with the County Family Services Department. Eve tells me you've been living in a bomb shelter most of your life. Fallout shelter. There's a difference. -Fallout shelter. There's a difference. Adam, I'd like to introduce you to my associate -- Mr. Brown. -We want you to come with us so we can talk some more about your experiences. Come where? -Come where? My office. -My office. For how long? -For how long? Well, that depends... -Well, that depends... I thank you very much for the invitation, but I'm quite busy today. Perhaps I could see you tomorrow. -Let's go talk first, Adam. Yes, ma'am. -The key to my hotel room! I want you to have my baseball cards! And please be sure to pay my bill! Young man, stop right there! -How do you do? I do fine, Adam. How 'bout yourself? You doin' any good? -But I do miss that green sport coat of yours. Thank you very much. But, Cliff, that's my seat. And I was just-- -Thank you very much. But, Cliff, that's my seat. And I was just-- How 'bout a drink at the bar? -Please excuse this interruption. Oh, brother... -Eve, I don't mean to be rude, and please excuse me Cliff, but Eve, isn't Cliff just a butt with hair? What?! -What?! I'm sorry, and legs. Legs, butt and hair. Well, isn't he? And shallow, as well? -I'm sorry, and legs. Legs, butt and hair. Well, isn't he? And shallow, as well? Shallow? I'm shallow?! -Cliff, I must warn you. I know how to defend myself. Do ya? -Maybe we shouldn't fight at all. Fighting is pretty immature. It certainly is. I agree with you completely. -It certainly is. I agree with you completely. Eve? I'm leaving. -Bon soir, mademoiselle! Are you French? -Are you French? No. I'm from out of town. I'm here on business. -No. I'm from out of town. I'm here on business. Well, your business must not be sports memorabilia, because this one Mantle card right here-- --is worth six thousand dollars all by its little self. -Get out of here! No, you get out of here. -Come on, Heathcliff, I'll walk you to the corner. Yes, ma'am. But my name is Adam. -Where are we going? We? I'm going home. And, judging by that coat, I'd say you have to get back to the barber college. -We? I'm going home. And, judging by that coat, I'd say you have to get back to the barber college. No, I'm lost. -No, I'm lost. You're lost? -You're lost? Say,...did you just lose your job because of me? -Say,...did you just lose your job because of me? Forget it. I'm sick of working for that dickhead. -Forget it. I'm sick of working for that dickhead. Dickhead? -Dickhead? A walking penis capable of intelligent speech. A dickhead. -What's wrong with you? I just had a mental picture of... -I just had a mental picture of... Here, pick these up! -I came on a bus. Why doesn't that surprise me? -Why doesn't that surprise me? I don't know. Why doesn't it? -Well, I guess because I'm a little psychic...I have this thing. Oh, that's nice. -Oh, that's nice. Let me guess something. This is your first visit to La La Land. You're staying somewhere over in Hollywood because, like an idiot, you thought that would be an exciting place to stay. Right so far? -So far? Yes, I'm right? -Yes, I'm right? Right. -Right. I knew it! So anyhow, you get on a bus and before you know it, you're out here in the San Fernando Valley without a clue. Which brings us to here. Correct again? -I knew it! So anyhow, you get on a bus and before you know it, you're out here in the San Fernando Valley without a clue. Which brings us to here. Correct again? Again. -Again. Where are you staying? The Holiday Inn? -Where are you staying? The Holiday Inn? Yes! Yes! The Holiday Inn! That's exactly right! -Yes! Yes! The Holiday Inn! That's exactly right! See? I'm psychic. Not completely, but pretty much. That was pretty good, wasn't it?! -See? I'm psychic. Not completely, but pretty much. That was pretty good, wasn't it?! It was amazing. -It was amazing. Yeah. Thanks. Anyhow, let me predict a bus for you to get on. -Yeah. Thanks. Anyhow, let me predict a bus for you to get on. Do you own a car? -Do you own a car? I'm not taking you there, Sweetie. Rule Number One in North America: No strangers in the car. -I'm not taking you there, Sweetie. Rule Number One in North America: No strangers in the car. If it will make you feel any better, I don't have a gun. -If it will make you feel any better, I don't have a gun. You don't? -You don't? Nope. -Nope. Well, that changes everything. Get the fuck away from me!! I mean it!! -I'm sorry! I said something wrong, didn't I! Please forgive me! Get away from me!! -Wait! Please wait! I'll make a deal with you! I'll give you a Rogers Hornsby, if you'll take me to the hotel! Rogers Hornsby?!? -Rogers Hornsby?!? He's all yours. I was holding him back. -Rogers Hornsby's worth like four thousand dollars! So what?! I've got two of him! And this many DiMaggios and Robinsons. I was holding these out, too. -So for four thousand dollars, all I have to do is drive you to your hotel? Yes. -Yes. And that's it? -And that's it? Yes. -Yes. I don't have to take a physical in your space ship? -I don't have to take a physical in your space ship? Heck, no! What?! -Heck, no! What?! Okay. What the hell? You got a deal. Get in. -So...Mister Andretti, your first time on the freeway? It's Webber. Adam Webber. -It's Webber. Adam Webber. Mind if I change the station? Better traffic reports on AM. -Wait! Wait! What is it?! -What is it?! It's Perry! -It's Perry! Perry? -Perry? Perry Como! You had him! Go back! Go back! -Perry Como! You had him! Go back! Go back! Okay, okay! Take it easy! -How's that? Oh, I could die... -Oh, I could die... Over this? -Over this? Yeah! Listen to this part. This is where it really takes off! -Yeah! Listen to this part. This is where it really takes off! You are one scary son-of-a-gun. -Hey, what are you doing?! I know a short-cut. -Gee-zooie!! You better slow down!!! I can't help it. Perry Como always does this to me! I just get so cranked! -That was...wonderful! I've never felt anything like that in my life. Yeah, same here. Don't forget your suitcase. -Yeah, same here. Don't forget your suitcase. Right. -I am so glad to see you!! I thought I'd never see you again! Okay, down boy. I can't take this for driving you home. I wish I could, but I can't. So here, take it back. I could have just left it for you at the desk, but it's very valuable. Now take it. -Okay, down boy. I can't take this for driving you home. I wish I could, but I can't. So here, take it back. I could have just left it for you at the desk, but it's very valuable. Now take it. I can't, it's yours. -I can't, it's yours. Take it. damn it! -Take it. damn it! Okay. -Why are you doing that? I haven't brushed yet. -I haven't brushed yet. Oh. Okay. Well, so long. Enjoy your visit. -Wait, Eve, please! Wait. Please don't follow me. Don't do it! -I knew this would happen! You're like a lost puppy! Can't you please just talk to me for one second? -Can't you please just talk to me for one second? Okay! Damn! -Troy? Is he your husband? Or a boyfriend? No. -No. Thank-Q! -Thank-Q! Oh, stop that! God! Listen, I know you like me. I can tell. But you know what? A lot of guys like me. Not me, exactly. It's more like the legs or the butt or the hair. Or some combination of the above. -Oh, stop that! God! Listen, I know you like me. I can tell. But you know what? A lot of guys like me. Not me, exactly. It's more like the legs or the butt or the hair. Or some combination of the above. I think it's the eyes. -I think it's the eyes. The eyes. Okay. An eye-man. Anyhow, it never works out. Okay? Not that you even need to know that! You look like crap, by the way. What have you been doing? -The eyes. Okay. An eye-man. Anyhow, it never works out. Okay? Not that you even need to know that! You look like crap, by the way. What have you been doing? Watching television in color. -Watching television in color. Hey, no kidding? In color? -Hey, no kidding? In color? Cross my heart and hope to die. -See, ya. Why doesn't it never work out? -Why doesn't it never work out? What? -What? Why does it never work out? You and...men? -Why does it never work out? You and...men? Why?! Who the hell knows?! -...Okay. It never works out because I'm into legs and butts and hair myself! That's why! So I wind up with guys who are very good looking, but even more shallow than I am, if you can picture that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find another low-paying, demeaning job where some guy named Jerry keeps telling me how lousy his marriage is. -It never works out because I'm into legs and butts and hair myself! That's why! So I wind up with guys who are very good looking, but even more shallow than I am, if you can picture that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find another low-paying, demeaning job where some guy named Jerry keeps telling me how lousy his marriage is. Why not go to work for me? -Why not go to work for me? Doing what? -Doing what? Selling all my baseball cards. And helping me buy enough food and supplies to fill several large trucks. -Selling all my baseball cards. And helping me buy enough food and supplies to fill several large trucks. Food and supplies? Who for? Like starving people? -Well, they're not starving yet, but they need help. How long would you need me? -How long would you need me? Two weeks. -Two weeks. What's the pay? -What's the pay? What's fair? -What's fair? I've got to make at least a thousand a week. -You got it! Wait here while I change. Sure. -Why not buy them milk or something-- instead of Dr. Pepper? They like Dr. Pepper. -They like Dr. Pepper. Who are these people? -Who are these people? My Mom and Dad. -My Mom and Dad. Very funny, smart ass. -Very funny, smart ass. Hey! Pipe tobacco! I'm going to need all of this! This is swell! -Wait! Wait! What? -Well, another day, another dollar. Stop staring at me!! Sorry. -Pick you up at eight tomorrow morning. Hey, you know. I was thinking... -Hey, you know. I was thinking... Night! -We'll have to rent a refrigerated truck for the beef and poultry. It's your life. And, by the way, it's a dandy. -It's your life. And, by the way, it's a dandy. I guess we'll need another locker. -I guess we'll need another locker. No problem. We'll just sell another baseball card. -No problem. We'll just sell another baseball card. You know, Eve -- don't get mad, okay? - - but, I'd just be lost without you. -Thank you. And, um ...I guess... I guess you and I, uh... -And, um ...I guess... I guess you and I, uh... Adam? Don't even think about it. Okay? I'm sorry. I know that sounds mean, but believe me, it would be meaner if I didn't say it. Okay? -Adam? Don't even think about it. Okay? I'm sorry. I know that sounds mean, but believe me, it would be meaner if I didn't say it. Okay? Okay. -Okay. Now, let's take the truck back and get something to eat. -There's something else I would like you to help me with. Name it. -Name it. Well, this is going to sound a little crazy. -Well, this is going to sound a little crazy. Oh, I'm sure it will! -Oh, I'm sure it will! Then forget it. -Then forget it. No, no! I'm sorry! What is it? -No, no! I'm sorry! What is it? This is for me. -This is for me. Think of me as your genie. Just ask. -Well... Okay. I would like you to help me find a...wife. A wife? -A wife? Yes. -Yes. What for? -What for? Because I want to get married. -Because I want to get married. Why?! -Why?! I don't want to be alone. -I don't want to be alone. You can be single and not alone. Marriage bites! -You can be single and not alone. Marriage bites! Bites what? -Bites what? The big one! -The big one! It does? -It does? Sure. -Sure. I didn't know that. -I didn't know that. Everybody knows that. Ask my divorced sisters. Or ask my divorced mom and dad. -Everybody knows that. Ask my divorced sisters. Or ask my divorced mom and dad. They're all divorced? -They're all divorced? Everybody's divorced. -Everybody's divorced. It didn't used to be that way. -It didn't used to be that way. I wouldn't know. What kind of wife are you looking for? -I wouldn't know. What kind of wife are you looking for? One who's not a mutant. -One who's not a mutant. No dogs, huh? Okay. -No dogs, huh? Okay. And if possible, I'd like to marry someone from Pasadena. -When do you need her by? Two weeks. -Two weeks. Well, I could probably get you laid in two weeks, but to locate a non-mutant wife from Pasadena...that could take some time. -Well, I could probably get you laid in two weeks, but to locate a non-mutant wife from Pasadena...that could take some time. That's what I was afraid of. -Could we talk about that a little later? Of course. -Of course. Thank you. -Get out! The engine is still running. -Now, get out!! Yes, ma'am! -Yes, ma'am! Stop that ma'am crap! -Stop that ma'am crap! Sorry! -You almost got us killed! I told you I've never driven before! -I told you I've never driven before! Never drive again! -Never drive again! You said it would be easy! -You said it would be easy! I was wrong!! -I was wrong!! Is this your house? -Is this your house? Yes! -Yes! I like it. -Why, thank you! Very nice to have met you, Cliff! May I ask you a question? He's a former boyfriend. We lived together for about six months. And yes, I'll admit it. I've still kind of got a thing for him. That's what you wanted to know, isn't it? -He's a former boyfriend. We lived together for about six months. And yes, I'll admit it. I've still kind of got a thing for him. That's what you wanted to know, isn't it? Actually,no. I was wondering why Cliff likes to wear another man's underpants. -Actually,no. I was wondering why Cliff likes to wear another man's underpants. What?! -Here you go. One champagne cocktail. Thank-Q! -Thank-Q! I thought only hookers drank those things. -I thought only hookers drank those things. Well, I know Mom sure likes 'em! -Okay, let's see...I'm not promising anything. You okay? Um-hum. -Um-hum. I'm seeing...snow... lots of snow. Way up North. Are we getting hot? -I'm seeing...snow... lots of snow. Way up North. Are we getting hot? Yes! -Yes! You live in...Alaska. The only way in or out of your place is by plane and... you've definitely come down here for food and supplies and... to find a wife! -You live in...Alaska. The only way in or out of your place is by plane and... you've definitely come down here for food and supplies and... to find a wife! Wow. -Yeah, right! That's where you'd go to find girls! Nome. He's gay, by the way. Good for you. -Where's he gone? He's gone to check your answers on his computer. -He's gone to check your answers on his computer. He has a computer? -He has a computer? Sure. -Sure. In the house? -In the house? No. We keep it in the backyard. Of course, in the house. It's in there. -No. We keep it in the backyard. Of course, in the house. It's in there. May I please be excused? -May I please be excused? Uh...yeah. -All right. So, what are you seeing? -The what? Wazoo! Try to listen. Whataya think? Surfer, grunge, hip- hop, Euro trash? -The guy with the underpants! That's boring! -About clothing? Yeah. -Yeah. Whatever you two want. If you've got the time, I've got the wazoo. -What about holding your right arm up like that all the time? It's fine. Just give it a try. And for gosh sake, Eve, take your foot off the chair! -He's going to kill himself. Go skate out on the bike path! It's that way! Okay! -Hey, Eve! "Have you ever heard the saying, ""He hasn't got enough sense to come in out of the rain?""" -"Have you ever heard the saying, ""He hasn't got enough sense to come in out of the rain?""" Yep. You know, my father -- who is a scientist -- says that everything is a miracle. Everything. Until recently I wasn 't sure what he meant by that. -Yep. You know, my father -- who is a scientist -- says that everything is a miracle. Everything. Until recently I wasn 't sure what he meant by that. Yeah? No kidding. Listen, you still want to go girl hunting tonight? -Yeah? No kidding. Listen, you still want to go girl hunting tonight? I certainly do! -I certainly do! Okay. But you know, this business of finding you a wife -- it's kind of ridiculous, don't you think? -Okay. But you know, this business of finding you a wife -- it's kind of ridiculous, don't you think? No it's not! -No it's not! Yes it is. A girlfriend maybe. But a wife? I mean... -Yes it is. A girlfriend maybe. But a wife? I mean... Then just help me find a girlfriend! That's all I ask. I'll give you every single card I've got left! -Then just help me find a girlfriend! That's all I ask. I'll give you every single card I've got left! Hey, screw you! Okay? You think I'm just somebody you can buy off! Listen, let me tell you something-- -Hey, screw you! Okay? You think I'm just somebody you can buy off! Listen, let me tell you something-- Would you do it just because you're my friend? My very best friend. -Would you do it just because you're my friend? My very best friend. Well...yeah. Okay. -My goodness gracious! This place is something! Look unimpressed. -No! Not crazy! Do I look crazy? -Do I look crazy? Yes! -Quit showing off! We're here on business! Good-bye! -I thought I was here to meet women. Not that one! -Not that one! I like her. -I like her. And don't be so obvious! -What have you ordered? It's a Rob Roy. A very popular drink, I'm told. -What about her? No way. -No way. Why?! I think she's very attractive. -Why?! I think she's very attractive. "Adam! She's got bitch written all over her! You do know what ""bitch"" means, don't you?" -"Adam! She's got bitch written all over her! You do know what ""bitch"" means, don't you?" Yes, I have a dictionary. But I can't understand for the life of me why you would call her that! Or why Cliff would say that about you. -Yes, I have a dictionary. But I can't understand for the life of me why you would call her that! Or why Cliff would say that about you. Because we're bitches! Look at her! Look at the expression on her face! The walk, the jewelry, the fingernails. Please! -Because we're bitches! Look at her! Look at the expression on her face! The walk, the jewelry, the fingernails. Please! How 'bout this one? -Okay. I like that. Yeah, sweet. That's a nice way of putting it. -Yeah, sweet. That's a nice way of putting it. What do I say to Miss Sweet when I meet her? -Really? "Yes, really! Basically, they want what they think they can't have. Same with guys. That's why everybody is walking around here sending off ""you can't have me"" signals!" -That's ridiculous. Maybe. But that's how it works. -Yeah. Could be. Go say hello, Romeo. Looks like a healthy non-mutant to me. Okay. All right. And what do I say? -Okay. All right. And what do I say? Say something surprising. And funny. Lie, if need be. -What? Romeo and Juliet. I cried at the end. -Romeo and Juliet. I cried at the end. Did you? -You wanted to see me! You're not from Alaska! Where'd you learn to dance like that?! And there are no starving people, are there?! -You're not from Alaska! Where'd you learn to dance like that?! And there are no starving people, are there?! Why are you suddenly so mad at me? -Why are you suddenly so mad at me? Don't change the subject! I want you to tell me the truth about yourself. -Don't change the subject! I want you to tell me the truth about yourself. I've never lied to you. I've maybe let you believe things that you wanted to believe, but I've never lied. -I've never lied to you. I've maybe let you believe things that you wanted to believe, but I've never lied. You think I'm some sort of sap?! Don't you?! -You think I'm some sort of sap?! Don't you?! No. I admire you. I...I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I did. I think that you are the most-- -No. I admire you. I...I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I did. I think that you are the most-- I want to know exactly who you are and what you're really up to! -I want to know exactly who you are and what you're really up to! All right. Let me tell you the whole thing. In 1962-- -Adam?! I'm sorry. -I don't blame you! Eve, I'm sorry. -I'm leaving, too. But, Eve, I would-- -But, Eve, I would-- And tomorrow maybe Troy will help you out--because I quit! This is ridiculous! You're ridiculous! I'm ridiculous! -Eve?! Scare me, why don't you?!!? You stupid son of a bitch!!! -Scare me, why don't you?!!? You stupid son of a bitch!!! I'm really sorry! -I'm really sorry! What in the hell are you doing here!! You're supposed to be over on San Vicente Boulevard having unsafe sex with that slut Sophie!! -What in the hell are you doing here!! You're supposed to be over on San Vicente Boulevard having unsafe sex with that slut Sophie!! I know...and I'm really sorry. -I know...and I'm really sorry. Well, you should be! Thanks to you, my heart is in my neck! -Well, you should be! Thanks to you, my heart is in my neck! What? -What? Goodnight! -Eve, if you'll let me, I can -- Look! I'm limping! How attractive is that?! What if this is for life?! -Look! I'm limping! How attractive is that?! What if this is for life?! I know first aid! -I know first aid! Well, you had better!! -There. Thanks. -I went to Sophie's and she was very hospitable. Is that what you call it? -Is that what you call it? "But it just wasn't where I wanted to be so I left as politely as I could and found a taxi. But I asked the driver to drop me here instead of at the hotel. There's a song Mister Como sings called ""On the Street Where You Live."" You know it?" -"But it just wasn't where I wanted to be so I left as politely as I could and found a taxi. But I asked the driver to drop me here instead of at the hotel. There's a song Mister Como sings called ""On the Street Where You Live."" You know it?" Sing it to me. -Sing it to me. """All at once am I--several stories high-- knowing I'm--on the street-- where you live."" It's about a young man who is overjoyed just to be standing in front of the house of the person he loves." -Adam...dumb question, but humor me. Have you ever had sex before? No. -Uh-huh. Adam? Yes, Eve? -Yes, Eve? I want you to go back to the hotel now. I'll call you a cab. -I want you to go back to the hotel now. I'll call you a cab. Of course. I shouldn't be over here at this hour. -That's right. And I'll see you in the morning in the lobby. Do you mind waiting outside for the taxi? Not at all. And Eve thank you for tonight...and for the kiss. My first. -Not at all. And Eve thank you for tonight...and for the kiss. My first. My pleasure. -My pleasure. It was at least as good as the sky. -It was at least as good as the sky. Really? Okay! -Really? Okay! And I think better than the ocean. I'm serious! -And I think better than the ocean. I'm serious! Neat. Goodnight! -Hi, Eve! Hi, Adam. This is, uh.... -Adam....you should go with Dr. Aron. It's the best thing. The best thing for you. I promise. ...All right, Eve. If you say so. -...All right, Eve. If you say so. ...I do. -...I do. Could I please just go home? I was lost, but this morning I found home and I promise not to bother any of you ever again. -No. See! I can't tell them that! I can't ever let them know. It makes their life..well, frankly... a joke. I can't let that happen. You understand? -See! I can't tell them that! I can't ever let them know. It makes their life..well, frankly... a joke. I can't let that happen. You understand? We can make this work, Adam! Believe me! I'm very good at making things work! -We can make this work, Adam! Believe me! I'm very good at making things work! My mother's like that. -Is that a birthday cake?! Yes, it is. -Yes, it is. Gee-ma-nee! -Is this because of the radiation? What? -What? Nothing. -Good evening. I want to stay at this hotel. Fill this out please. And I'll need a card. -Fill this out please. And I'll need a card. A card? -A card? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Of course! -Are you all right? Yes! Yes! Oh, Lord! Yes, oh, yes! But where is the one who came last night -- all in yellow?! -Yes! Yes! Oh, Lord! Yes, oh, yes! But where is the one who came last night -- all in yellow?! All in yellow? Oh! That was my father! -All in yellow? Oh! That was my father! Ooooohhhh!! Of course! The father! Forgive me!! Can you forgive me for my wasted life?! Everything has been so awful!! -Ooooohhhh!! Of course! The father! Forgive me!! Can you forgive me for my wasted life?! Everything has been so awful!! I know it has been terrible. But it wasn't your fault. And now all the decay is over with and things are going to get better. You understand? -I know it has been terrible. But it wasn't your fault. And now all the decay is over with and things are going to get better. You understand? Yes. -Yes. I've got to go, now. -I've got to go, now. Of course you do. I'll stay here and pray. -Of course you do. I'll stay here and pray. That's always a good idea! Would you like some money? I have a great deal of it. -That's always a good idea! Would you like some money? I have a great deal of it. No. I don't need money anymore -- I see that now. -No. I don't need money anymore -- I see that now. How do I leave here? -How do I leave here? The front door is open. Will you be back? -The front door is open. Will you be back? I promise. -I've got almost everything we need! And this nice man... Archbishop Melker. We met earlier. -"This is what money looks like. It comes like this, in coin, or like this in paper. Or you can have an ""investment."" These are stock ""certificates"" that we bought in your name. Of course, they're worthless now, but at one time they were quite valuable." They're pretty. Can I have them? -They're pretty. Can I have them? Sure. Now, let's move on to our French exam. -Sure. Now, let's move on to our French exam. Latin exam, Dad. It's Tuesday. -Latin exam, Dad. It's Tuesday. You're right! It's Tuesday already! By gosh, time flies, doesn't it?! -You're right! It's Tuesday already! By gosh, time flies, doesn't it?! Tempus fugit! -Tempus fugit! En arte voluptus. Que les bons temps roulÈ! -En arte voluptus. Que les bons temps roulÈ! Gerade aus dann links! -Gerade aus dann links! Sorgen sie bitte dafur das die gepack sorgfaltic behandeldt warren! -Sorgen sie bitte dafur das die gepack sorgfaltic behandeldt warren! Haben sie etuas nettes in leder?! -Haben sie etuas nettes in leder?! You know, you have a wonderful sense of humor, son! I must say, the acorn doesn't fall very far from the tree. By the way, it's time I gave you something. Come with me. -These are wonderful. It's my entire baseball collection. It's yours now. -It's my entire baseball collection. It's yours now. What's baseball? -What's baseball? It's a game, son. I can explain it pretty easily. There's a pitcher. -It's a game, son. I can explain it pretty easily. There's a pitcher. Like a painting? -Like a painting? No, son. A pitcher. -No, son. A pitcher. Like one of Mom's? -Like one of Mom's? Uh, no. There's a man who throws the ball -- to a man who has a bat. -Uh, no. There's a man who throws the ball -- to a man who has a bat. The nocturnal flying mammal? -The nocturnal flying mammal? No. Sit down. -No, no! The runner on second goes to third! He's out there! Why? -Why? Because he's forced out at third! It's a force! -Because he's forced out at third! It's a force! Then why go there? -Then why go there? Because he must! -Thank you, Mom! Thanks, Dad! Blow out the candles! -Oh, boy! A jacket! Your mom made that all by herself. -Your mom made that all by herself. No kidding! -Holy Cow! What the heck are these?! Your roller-skates! I redesigned them! I think this new design will work even better! -Your roller-skates! I redesigned them! I think this new design will work even better! These are really swell! I mean swell! -Well, do we just go on up?! No, son! We wait for night. Now...is precisely when... we must be at our... most cautious. -Helen-Thomas-Webber! Maybe we have been down here a little too long! Please excuse her French. Shit is a French word? -C'est bon, Monsieur. Merci! -Adam...don't forget...don't forget ... Yes, father?! Yes? -Yes, father?! Yes? ...the pipe tobacco. -...the pipe tobacco. Yes, sir. Is that all? -"Also...stay out of the ""Adult Bookstore.""" Adult Bookstore. Why? -Adult Bookstore. Why? Poison gas. Invisible. Don't forget. -Poison gas. Invisible. Don't forget. I promise. Is that all? -I promise. Is that all? One more thing. If you find a healthy young woman, bring her back with you. -One more thing. If you find a healthy young woman, bring her back with you. I'll try. -But, I don't understand. And, I'm asking you to trust me without understanding why. -And, I'm asking you to trust me without understanding why. Well, in that case...of course, son. -This is great son, just great. By the way, Eve's last name. Rus-to-kov, that's not Russian, is it? It's Ukrainian. Her grandparents immigrated here. -It's Ukrainian. Her grandparents immigrated here. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Dad, I don't know how to tell you this. And I was going to wait a while, but I think...Dad,there was no bomb. A plane crashed into our backyard. I looked it up in old newspapers. -Dad, I don't know how to tell you this. And I was going to wait a while, but I think...Dad,there was no bomb. A plane crashed into our backyard. I looked it up in old newspapers. You're sure? -You're sure? Positive. The Soviet Union collapsed without a shot being fired. The Cold War is over. -Positive. The Soviet Union collapsed without a shot being fired. The Cold War is over. That's what everybody believes? -That's what everybody believes? Yes, sir. It's true. -Yes, sir. It's true. "What? Did the politburo just one day say - ""We give up?""" -"What? Did the politburo just one day say - ""We give up?""" Yes. That's kind of how it was. -Yes. That's kind of how it was. Uh-huh. -"My gosh, those Commies are brilliant! You've got to hand it to 'em! ""No, we didn't drop any bombs! Oh yes, our evil empire has collapsed! Poor, poor us!"" I bet they've even asked the West for aid! Right?!" Uh, I think they have. -Uh, I think they have. Hah!!! Those cagey rascals! Those sly dissemblers! Those, uh... They've finally pulled the wool over everybody's eyes! -You have very nice ceilings. I do? Well, thank you! You like ceilings? -I do? Well, thank you! You like ceilings? Not particularly. -Not particularly. "Well, I hope you like these! Fresh sea urchin wrapped in seaweed. Or ""nori"" if you prefer. I love sushi." -"Well, I hope you like these! Fresh sea urchin wrapped in seaweed. Or ""nori"" if you prefer. I love sushi." I love Lucy! -I love Lucy! You nut! -It's a very small place. People don't even know it's there. And it's called...? -And it's called...? Maybe Eve can guess. She's psychic. -Maybe Eve can guess. She's psychic. Really? Since when? -Right on the button. Well, Dionne Warwick, guess his home town. -That's right? I've never met anyone like you in my life. -I've never met anyone like you in my life. She's right?! -I've got goose-bumps all over me. Why not just go to... Nome for supplies and a wife? Isn't that closer? -Well, we try. Listen, let me just ask you a few questions. When did Alaska become a state? 1959. -1959. Who use to own it? -Who use to own it? Russia. -Russia. When did we get it from them? -When did we get it from them? 1867. Seward's Folly. We paid 7.2 million dollars for it. A tidy sum then, as well as now. I'm quoting my father, of course. -1867. Seward's Folly. We paid 7.2 million dollars for it. A tidy sum then, as well as now. I'm quoting my father, of course. What's the capitol? -What's the capitol? Juneau. -Juneau. Hello! It's Anchorage! Gotcha! -Hello! It's Anchorage! Gotcha! Sorry, that's the largest city. -This must be very new. Yeah. -Yeah. It's so small. -It's so small. What are you talking about? This is the new Mac. You a hacker? -What are you talking about? This is the new Mac. You a hacker? I don't think so. -I don't think so. You don't have a computer in your cabin? -You don't have a computer in your cabin? No. -No. How do you get through those winters? Well, you're right. Juneau. What's the highest peak? -How do you get through those winters? Well, you're right. Juneau. What's the highest peak? Mt. McKinley. It's also the highest point in North America. -Mt. McKinley. It's also the highest point in North America. Okay, maybe she is psychic. Let's go eat! -Okay, maybe she is psychic. Let's go eat! That would knock my father out. -That would knock my father out. Yeah? -Yeah? Oh, yes. It would probably kill him. -Oh, yes. It would probably kill him. He's a Windows guy then, huh? -He's a Windows guy then, huh? Yes. He likes windows. -Yes. He likes windows. Well, I think Windows stink. What do you think of that? -Well, I think Windows stink. What do you think of that? ...I guess it's...just a matter of personal taste. -...I guess it's...just a matter of personal taste. True. -Not on him. I'm not wearing his pants. -I'm not wearing his pants. Why not? He has great pants. -Why not? He has great pants. I just don't want to. -I just don't want to. Okay. -Isn't it a little tiring to sit up straight like that? No. -I guess a lot of those tall buildings we saw this morning are new. Almost all of them. -Almost all of them. The recovery is very impressive. -The recovery is very impressive. The recovery? Oh , yeah! Hey, they rebuilt the freeway in six months. -The recovery? Oh , yeah! Hey, they rebuilt the freeway in six months. Amazing. I'm very impressed. -That's why little things mean so much to him. I LOVE THIS!! -Why did you park way back there? Miss Rustokov refuses to let total strangers drive her car. -Miss Rustokov refuses to let total strangers drive her car. Oh. I see. -What?! Ladies first, Troy! That was close. -Yes! Lying is always a very effective dating tool. Okay. Thank you, my friends. -I'm sorry. I took the Lord's name in vain again, didn't I? I'm so sorry. No! There's an Adult Bookstore back there! I'll be right back! -Okay, Troy! Let's get those all-beef frozen patties! How 'bout we check with Eve first? -How 'bout we check with Eve first? You bet! -You bet! So, did you buy a movie? -So, did you buy a movie? What? -What? A magazine? A toy perhaps? In the bookstore. -A magazine? A toy perhaps? In the bookstore. No, I wouldn't go in one of those places with a gas mask on. -No, I wouldn't go in one of those places with a gas mask on. I know what you mean! I usually wear a big hat and dark glasses. -I know what you mean! I usually wear a big hat and dark glasses. Does that work? -Does that work? Yeah...Seems to. -Good-bye, Adam. Goodbye. -Bye, Troy! Bye, Adam! -Bye, Adam! And thanks for always being happy! -And thanks for always being happy! What? -You dial nine to get out. Of what? -Of what? The hotel. -The hotel. I see. Well, thank you very much. You've been very, very nice. -Thank you. Your father is a smart guy. My father is a genius. -My father is a genius. No kiddin'. Well...good night. -No kiddin'. Well...good night. Good night! Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite! That's what my Mom always says... ...who I'm really beginning to miss. I'm sorry. It's my first night away from home. -Good night! Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite! That's what my Mom always says... ...who I'm really beginning to miss. I'm sorry. It's my first night away from home. How old are you? -How old are you? Thirty-five. -Thirty-five. You don't look thirty-five. -You don't look thirty-five. How old do I look? -How old do I look? Twenty-five? Around there. -Twenty-five? Around there. I guess living up here makes people look older. -I guess living up here makes people look older. Up here on the fifteenth floor? -Up here on the fifteenth floor? Yes. Up here on the fifteenth floor. Goodnight. -Yes. Up here on the fifteenth floor. Goodnight. Goodnight. -What? What is it?! The sky!!! -The sky!!! The sky? Where? -The sky? Where? Up there!! -Up there!! I don't see anything! -I don't see anything! Just look!! -Help you? Yes, please. I'm looking for all beef patties. -Come on. Frozen. How much are they? Frozen, they're six-thirty a dozen in the three pound box. -Frozen, they're six-thirty a dozen in the three pound box. Then I'll need, twelve into nine hundred, seventy-five boxes. And that's almost...five hundred dollars just for the hamburger! And my Mom only gave me three thousand dollars for everything! The yacht batteries! The diesel oil! The birthday candles! -Then I'll need, twelve into nine hundred, seventy-five boxes. And that's almost...five hundred dollars just for the hamburger! And my Mom only gave me three thousand dollars for everything! The yacht batteries! The diesel oil! The birthday candles! You could have a meat order that big delivered to your home. -Sure. Well, that's great then! Terrific...except...it just occurred to me. I don't know where I live! I'm lost! I don't know where home is! Would you excuse me? -Well, that's great then! Terrific...except...it just occurred to me. I don't know where I live! I'm lost! I don't know where home is! Would you excuse me? Gladly. -Whatcha looking at? Oh, my holy stars! A Negro! -Oh, my holy stars! A Negro! Say what?! -Say what?! How do you do, ma'am. -How do you do, ma'am. I do alright. -I do alright. Good! -Hello. Hi. -How--how much do you want for the Mickey Mantle, rookie season? I was thinking of selling all the cards. -I was thinking of selling all the cards. Really? No kidding? -See, my problem is, all I have are hundred dollar bills and I need something smaller. Ones, fives, tens. Like that. I see what ya mean. Tell you what...I'll give you five hundred dollars in small bills for the whole box. -I see what ya mean. Tell you what...I'll give you five hundred dollars in small bills for the whole box. Oh, that would be wonderful! -Oh, that would be wonderful! Well, we're here to help! -Sir? I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't take the Lord's name in vain again. Oh, you got a problem with that? -I didn't want to leave without saying how much I admire your jewelry. Hey, smart ass, how 'bout I kick your butt? -Oh. A nice one, I hope. Yes, ma'am. -Elbows, Son. Sorry, Mom! -Sorry, Mom! You never know. You may someday dine at the White House with the president. -Dad! Oh, no! Oh, my goodness! Let's get him into the bedroom. -He seems to be doing all right now. I don't know if he's had a heart attack or just... a horrifying experience. But we need supplies and I've got to stay with him. I'll go up. -I'm afraid you've got to. I'll be all right. -I'll be all right. You're my brave boy. -I don't know how far you'll have to travel to find supplies, but if you can't get home by nightfall, I want you to look for something called a Holiday Inn. Write that down. It's a hotel. There might still be one standing. Yes, ma'am. -Right. I just hope this is still good up there. -I just hope this is still good up there. Mom? -Yes? I was thinking that, uh...you know, while I was up there and all...that maybe I could, you know...try to meet a girl. I've, been thinking about that a little...just these last...fifteen years or so. -Oh, Adam,that would be wonderful if you could find a girl. One who's not a mutant...and hopefully comes from Pasadena. Nothing against Valley girls, but in my day anyhow, the girls from Pasadena, I don't know...always just seemed a little nicer. Yes, ma'am. -Here's the shopping list and $3,000 which should take care of everything. Yes, ma'am. -Yes, ma'am. Your father has a few final words for you. You know, he'd fight a buzz saw for you - he loves you so much. We both do. -Your father has a few final words for you. You know, he'd fight a buzz saw for you - he loves you so much. We both do. Heck, I know that mom! You're my parents. -...and his church group have volunteered to help us bring the supplies down. But we've got to hurry. Are you in trouble, son?! -Are you in trouble, son?! I think I'm being chased by a psychiatrist. -I think I'm being chased by a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist?! -Mom? Eve and I have to go. What? -What? I can't explain it now. But I want you to set the locks for two months. You have more than enough of everything. Then we'll be back to get you. -We have to go. No, wait! At least stay for dinner! -This is your bedroom? No, Mom, I've turned it into Dad's office. -No, Mom, I've turned it into Dad's office. Well, where are you -- -Well, where are you -- Eve and I...eloped. We're married. -Eve and I...eloped. We're married. No. -No. Yes. -Oh, my God! He'll catch him. Hi. This is Nina Aron. I've got a run away and I'm going to need police assistance. -He'll catch him. Hi. This is Nina Aron. I've got a run away and I'm going to need police assistance. No! Not the police! Don't call them! -No! Not the police! Don't call them! I have to. If a complaint is made and the person resists obser-- -I have to. If a complaint is made and the person resists obser-- No, I can't have that! They'll come with their cars and their guns and their handcuffs-- -No, I can't have that! They'll come with their cars and their guns and their handcuffs-- Calm down, please. This man needs help and you need protection from him. That's obvious. -Calm down, please. This man needs help and you need protection from him. That's obvious. You know, I don't think so. I'm confused but you know, I don't think he'd ever hurt me. I don't think he'd hurt anyone. -You know, I don't think so. I'm confused but you know, I don't think he'd ever hurt me. I don't think he'd hurt anyone. And now you must let me be the judge of that! -And now you must let me be the judge of that! I was frightened and I didn't know what to think! But you know-I believe him. I think he just wants to go home. Wherever the hell that is... -I was frightened and I didn't know what to think! But you know-I believe him. I think he just wants to go home. Wherever the hell that is... Let's all remain calm. That's the key thing. -According to Caltech, this Webber guy was a bonafide genius and a borderline nutcase. Well, he and Mrs. Nutcase must have been out here when the plane hit. -Well, he and Mrs. Nutcase must have been out here when the plane hit. Unless we get a postcard or somethin', that's my guess. -Unless we get a postcard or somethin', that's my guess. What about relatives? -What about relatives? All back East. -All back East. The neighbors over there said the guy spent day and night out here. She'd bring him sandwiches and hot Dr. Pepper. -The neighbors over there said the guy spent day and night out here. She'd bring him sandwiches and hot Dr. Pepper. He drank it hot? -He drank it hot? Yeah. -Yeah. Good god. -Good god. Yeah. -You got a light, honey? What?! A light! Yes, I've got a light! -What?! A light! Yes, I've got a light! Good. -So...you...survived the blast, did you? "The blast? Honey, I have survived a host of things. Like the song says: ""A country boy can survive!""" -"The blast? Honey, I have survived a host of things. Like the song says: ""A country boy can survive!""" Yes, yes, the song. So tell me...has it been...hell up here? -Yes, yes, the song. So tell me...has it been...hell up here? """Hell up here?"" Honey, it's been hell up here, down there and over yonder! Hell everywhere." -"""Hell up here?"" Honey, it's been hell up here, down there and over yonder! Hell everywhere." "Yes, I can tell that just looking around. ""Boy?"" Did you say you were a ""country boy?""" -"Yes, I can tell that just looking around. ""Boy?"" Did you say you were a ""country boy?""" Cute Little Old Man, if you want a boy, I can be a boy. And if you want a girl, I can be a girl. I can be anything you want me to be! -Cute Little Old Man, if you want a boy, I can be a boy. And if you want a girl, I can be a girl. I can be anything you want me to be! Really? -Really? Uh-huh. And it's all yours for the remarkably low price of only $200! And if you act now, I might even throw in some free lawn furniture. -Uh-huh. And it's all yours for the remarkably low price of only $200! And if you act now, I might even throw in some free lawn furniture. No, I can't. I'm sorry! I have to go! I have to... -For Pete's sake, Calvin! We've got guests! Sorry, honey! I just got to fooling with this darn rheostat. -Sorry, honey! I just got to fooling with this darn rheostat. Well, put it down and come in! -Well, put it down and come in! You bet, hon! -I'm sorry everyone, but given this extraordinary turn of events, I think it's prudent that we cut the evening short. I'm sure this Cuban thing will resolve itself, but in the meantime...I'd suggest taking a prayerful watch-and-wait stance! We'll do this again! Maybe next week. Here's your hat. Could I wrap something up for you? Did you have a coat? -It's time. Time? Oh, no Calvin. It's not time yet. I still have-- -It shuts off automatically. Did you rig it to do that? You're so clever. -Did you rig it to do that? You're so clever. No. They all do. -No. They all do. I never know anymore. -You hear that?! Yes. -Calvin, I wish you would have at least let me do the dishes. It's not going to be that easy getting all that dried- on food off my nice plates. I just hope those plates aren't radioactive by tomorrow morning. -I just hope those plates aren't radioactive by tomorrow morning. Cheese is particularly troublesome. -Cheese is particularly troublesome. Worse than your Kraft Holiday dip? -Worse than your Kraft Holiday dip? Oh, much worse. But not as bad as that Mexican Jumping Bean dip. You remember that? -Oh, much worse. But not as bad as that Mexican Jumping Bean dip. You remember that? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Give me the roast and watch your step. I'll come back for the radio. -How long will we have to stay down here? I don't know. For this thing to blow over, it could take days. -I don't know. For this thing to blow over, it could take days. Days?? -Days?? Rather safe than sorry. That's my motto! -Rather safe than sorry. That's my motto! But, what if I go into labor? That could happen any time. -But, what if I go into labor? That could happen any time. I've read up on it. I'll deliver the baby myself if I have to. -I've read up on it. I'll deliver the baby myself if I have to. Now you listen to me Calvin Webber, when this baby comes, you're going to be out in the waiting room smoking yourself to death with all the other fathers. -Now you listen to me Calvin Webber, when this baby comes, you're going to be out in the waiting room smoking yourself to death with all the other fathers. Yes, dear! -Yes, dear! As long as we've got that straight. -Home sweet home! To you maybe. -What's that noise? The locks. -The locks. The locks? -The locks? To keep us from trying to leave. After an atomic blast there's a radiation half-life that lasts thirty five years. -To keep us from trying to leave. After an atomic blast there's a radiation half-life that lasts thirty five years. Thirty -five years! -Thirty -five years! Then after that it's safe. -Then after that it's safe. It's safe. -To go up. To go up. -Hi, honey! Feeling better? No. -No. We have to be strong, sweetheart. If not for ourselves, for the child. -We have to be strong, sweetheart. If not for ourselves, for the child. All our friends... -Burnt to a crisp. I've given you the most well-done cut. I'm not hungry. -I'm not hungry. Hot Dr. Pepper! Your favorite! -Hot Dr. Pepper! Your favorite! No, Calvin, you're favorite. -No, Calvin, you're favorite. Really? -Maybe I've just got the creeps. How could you?! This is just like home! -No. No! Calvin, this is different! Believe me! Would you like a tranquilizer? -Would you like a tranquilizer? You have tranquilizers? -You have tranquilizers? I told you! I've got everything! -Oh, no. What? -What? Uh, oh. Now it's time. -Uh, oh. Now it's time. Honey? -Is there a problem? No, Calvin. Babies cry. -No, Calvin. Babies cry. I've noticed. -I've noticed. What shall we call him? -No. I think it's just right. And I was wondering...if...if I could have a... -And I was wondering...if...if I could have a... Yes! -Yes! If I...you know... -If I...you know... What? Whatever you want, Helen! -Calvin?! Right here! -Right here! We looked all over for you. What are you doing back here? -We looked all over for you. What are you doing back here? Oh, I was just examining this rear hatchway. -Oh, I was just examining this rear hatchway. Why? -Why? No reason. Well, it's pretty clear that the front entrance caved in when the bomb went off. So, you know, when the time is up, we'll have to return to the surface using, you know, this back entrance. Which is very nice because it has the service elevator! -No reason. Well, it's pretty clear that the front entrance caved in when the bomb went off. So, you know, when the time is up, we'll have to return to the surface using, you know, this back entrance. Which is very nice because it has the service elevator! Very nice. Unless it caved in, too. -Very nice. Unless it caved in, too. Yes. Well... yes. -Watch this! What? -Not bad for a three and a half year old! I'd like to see the public school system match that! I don't care how terrific it is! Yes, he's very bright, dear. Much like his father. But you know, Calvin, maybe he's a little...young for school. -Yes, he's very bright, dear. Much like his father. But you know, Calvin, maybe he's a little...young for school. Nonsense. People have no idea what the human mind is capable of. Look at us! -Yes, you certainly will. And you'll find a nice girl and rebuild America. Just the way it used to be. Oh, Calvin, I'm not sure we should be making promises that perhaps can't be kept. -Oh, Calvin, I'm not sure we should be making promises that perhaps can't be kept. I believe there will be other survivors. In fact, I'm guessing there's life on the surface, even now. It's not life worth living perhaps, but believe me, something's moving around up there. And I don't just mean the cockroaches. -Hi, honey! Hi. -Calvin! Coming! -Get the presents and do the lights. You bet. -No kidding. Who else would have done it? And I made these! -What did you wish for, Adam? If he tells, it won't come true! -If he tells, it won't come true! Oh, that's just a bunch of baloney! We never believed that in my family! -Oh, that's just a bunch of baloney! We never believed that in my family! Well, we did in my family! -One who doesn't glow in the dark. Calvin Webber! What a thing to say! -Calvin Webber! What a thing to say! Well, we'll be going up in two years. We'll know then. I'm very hopeful. -Let's eat our cake. Yeah. Let's dig in! -If we still have one. Yes... -Yes... You know, when we do go up...I'm going to miss this old place. How 'bout you, hon? -You know, when we do go up...I'm going to miss this old place. How 'bout you, hon? Would you excuse me? -Would you excuse me? Sure. -In the generator room again? Oh, yes. It just fascinates me how all these things work. -Oh, yes. It just fascinates me how all these things work. I know exactly what you mean! Hey, honey? -Should we say a little prayer first? Just open the door. -Yes, yes it is! "It's an archaic colloquialism, roughly meaning...""good""." -"It's an archaic colloquialism, roughly meaning...""good""." Yes! That's right! -I'm going to give it to you straight. There's no point in beating around the bush. There were survivors. Apparently, the fallout has created....a subspecies of mutants. Mutants?! -Mutants?! It's not a pretty sight. Some eat out of garbage cans. Others are...cover your ears, Son, and hum. I mean that literally and I mean right now! -Others are...multi-sexual. It seems...they can be both masculine and feminine...simultaneously. No. -No. Yes. -Yes. I don't believe it! -They've done a lot of re-building but society, at least as we knew it, has utterly collapsed. People throw up in the streets. Others point guns. There's something terribly wrong with the automobiles and...and I...I can't tell you the rest. I just can't. Oh my. Oh,my, oh my, oh, my. So, what do we do now? -Oh my. Oh,my, oh my, oh, my. So, what do we do now? We stay down here. -We stay down here. We do? -We do? Yes. -Yes. Excuse me. -For how long? We've just about run out of everything! We'll make do. I'm of the opinion that these mutants will eventually kill each other off and then-- -We'll make do. I'm of the opinion that these mutants will eventually kill each other off and then-- No, Calvin. We're not going to make do. Not me! Not Adam. We're going up no matter what! We deserve it. Even if it's terrible! -No, Calvin. We're not going to make do. Not me! Not Adam. We're going up no matter what! We deserve it. Even if it's terrible! Well, I am the head of this household-- -Well, I am the head of this household-- I want him to at least see the sky! -I want him to at least see the sky! --and we will-- ---and we will-- And the ocean! A mountain range! -And the ocean! A mountain range! --do as I say! -He's smart. Yes, dear, I know. -And Lord we ask finally that you send an angel to look after and protect our beloved son, Adam. Amen. Amen. -How long will you set it for this time? I thought ten years. -I thought ten years. Well, that's...considerably shorter than before. I was wondering, Calvin, why set the locks at all. I mean the radiation is gone and... -Well, that's...considerably shorter than before. I was wondering, Calvin, why set the locks at all. I mean the radiation is gone and... To keep what's up there from getting down here! It's not the radiation I'm worried about. -Well, please excuse us! We...we haven't entertained a guest in...um... Some time. -Some time. What can I offer you, Eve? -What are you bitching about now? What are you doing here? -What are you doing here? I forgot some of my stuff. -I forgot some of my stuff. Your stuff? Let me see that. -You came back for these? Hey, they're Ralph Laurens. And who's this interesting looking fellow? -Hey, they're Ralph Laurens. And who's this interesting looking fellow? This is Adam. Adam, meet Cliff. -Go home, Cliff, wherever that might be. Shana Gillroy's apartment. Remember her? The model who went to Harvard? Well, I better get going! Bye, Adam. Nice coat! -So where is your roommate, the model? You know, I don't know. And looking at you, I don't care. It's been too long, Eve. -Go home, Adam. Go to your hotel. Yeah. Before I kick your ass. -Stop it, you two! I guess we shouldn't fight in here. -Eve! This guy is un-be-liev-able! I knew you'd like him. -I knew you'd like him. Darlin', this is X-File stuff! Think about it! The guy's got all this easily negotiable property. He's obviously setting something up very big. Like a self-sustaining island off the coast of South America, for instance. Or perhaps he's the head of a cult that's doing weird things with poultry and pipe tobacco. I've heard worse. -So, Adam...where on earth are you from? Out-of-town. That's all he'll say. -Since that guy rear-ended me in Palm Springs. Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. I even guessed his hotel, didn't I? -Give me your hand. Oh, my God... -But first, you have to start with the clothes! Exactly. You understand that, don't you? You have no chance of meeting a woman dressed like that. -I don't know. Money is no object. He's got cards up the wazoo. -You're serious, aren't you? What's that supposed to mean? -What's that supposed to mean? It means that your taste in men's apparel is as bad as your taste in men. -It means that your taste in men's apparel is as bad as your taste in men. Well, that's blunt! -Well, that's blunt! I'm sorry. But if the shoe fits. -I'm sorry. But if the shoe fits. And I suppose you see him in some sort of strapless thing, don't you? -And I suppose you see him in some sort of strapless thing, don't you? "I see ""elegant.""" -"I see ""elegant.""" Yeah? Like Ralph Lauren? -Yeah? Like Ralph Lauren? That's what I'm sensing. -Alright, I will. I'm busy tomorrow anyway. I have to buy six thousand paper napkins. -I'm busy tomorrow anyway. I have to buy six thousand paper napkins. What do you think, Adam? -Well, what do you think? I think...it...works. -I think...it...works. Let me show you the entire trousseau! -How 'bout it, Eve? Can he skate around your block? No. -That water's freezing! He's from Alaska. -Just be yourself. Always good advice. -Always good advice. For him. It doesn't work for the rest of us. -Are you kidding?! You wouldn't even be a crumb on her table! You don't see that?! Eve?! -Eve?! Well, I'm trying to educate him! It's nothing personal. -Well, I'm trying to educate him! It's nothing personal. "Adam, I think for you, we should go for ""sweet.""" -Um... Eve? It's not so much what you say but how you say it. Women like men who are unpredictable. -Go to the bathroom. Right here? Well, you're being so bossy I wasn't sure! -He go back to the hotel? Uh..he might of. -What's that mean? We did not leave together. -We did not leave together. Who did he leave with? -What's it to you?! I'm his pimp. He left with the dancers, didn't he? -I'm his pimp. He left with the dancers, didn't he? Hey, you're the psychic. Eve, the psychic pimp. You tell me. -Hey, you're the psychic. Eve, the psychic pimp. You tell me. Those sluts! -Those sluts! Yeah. But who's not a slut these days? -Where are you going? To bed. -To bed. To bed? -To bed? Yeah. I'm not the one who's in love with the guy. -Yeah. I'm not the one who's in love with the guy. What?! Now hold on! Wait one damn minute! -In the first place, I don't fall in love with weirdos I've only known for four or five days. Yes, you do. -Yes, you do. And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!! -And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!! Uh, yes, you do. -Uh, yes, you do. Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean! -Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean! Yes, you do! -Yes, you do! Or have perfect table manners. -Or have perfect table manners. You know, I asked him about that. And he said that good manners are a way we have of showing other people that we respect them. See, you'd eat like a slob if you were alone, but since another human being is present, you show that person respect by going to the trouble of having proper manners. I didn't know that. I thought it was a way of appearing superior. Know what else he told me? -You know, I asked him about that. And he said that good manners are a way we have of showing other people that we respect them. See, you'd eat like a slob if you were alone, but since another human being is present, you show that person respect by going to the trouble of having proper manners. I didn't know that. I thought it was a way of appearing superior. Know what else he told me? What? -What? He thinks that I am a gentleman and that you are a lady! -He thinks that I am a gentleman and that you are a lady! Well, consider the source. I don't even know what a lady is. -Well, consider the source. I don't even know what a lady is. Exactly! I thought a gentleman was somebody who owned horses. Turns out, the short and very simple definition of a gentleman or a lady is: someone who always attempts to make the people around him or her feel as comfortable as possible. That's it! If you don't do that, nothing else matters. The cars, the clothes, the houses... -Exactly! I thought a gentleman was somebody who owned horses. Turns out, the short and very simple definition of a gentleman or a lady is: someone who always attempts to make the people around him or her feel as comfortable as possible. That's it! If you don't do that, nothing else matters. The cars, the clothes, the houses... Where did he get all that information? -Where did he get all that information? From the oddest place. His parent's told him. I don't think I got that memo. -From the oddest place. His parent's told him. I don't think I got that memo. So now I suppose he's trying to make those two dancers feel as comfortable as possible. -So now I suppose he's trying to make those two dancers feel as comfortable as possible. He didn't leave with them. -He didn't leave with them. Well...I admit it. I'm glad to hear that. -Well...I admit it. I'm glad to hear that. He left with Sophie. -He left with Sophie. What?!! -What?!! It's true. She swept him out the door whispering little French things into his ear. -It's true. She swept him out the door whispering little French things into his ear. Oh, no! Not Sophie! No way! Please don't tell me that!! -What are you going to do? Go over to her place and kick in the door? You're goddamn right I am! -I don't think so. Coward! -Well what was I supposed to do?! He wants me to live underground with him! That's like Silence of the Lambs, don't you think?! I know...I know. You did the right thing. -Oh, no! What?! -Gay. Oh. Well, you're...certainly welcome! -Good God...you don't think there really is a bomb shelter, do you? Fallout shelter. -What do you want to do with it? Give it back to him. -Give it back to him. And if we can't find him? -And if we can't find him? We'll find him. -What's wrong? I don't know. Everything's so neat. It's all just so...goddamn dear. Damn! -I don't know. Everything's so neat. It's all just so...goddamn dear. Damn! See these? Found them in the box with the cards. These are stock certificates. IBM. AT&T. Polaroid. -Millions upon millions upon millions! The cards. The stock! The clothes! The toothpaste! The guy was on the level! And you blew it! A man walks into your life who is the kindest, most polite, honest, trustworthy, incredibly rich guy you have ever met in your life!! And what do you do?! Have him committed. -Have him committed. Yeah! That's thinking. -Yeah! That's thinking. "He was always so ""nice""! How was I supposed to know that's a good thing?! ""Nice"" is weird! Nice is...what is ""nice""? It's not cool! I'll tell you that. Was it ever?" -"He was always so ""nice""! How was I supposed to know that's a good thing?! ""Nice"" is weird! Nice is...what is ""nice""? It's not cool! I'll tell you that. Was it ever?" I don't know. I like to think so. -I don't know. I like to think so. Well, at least I fell for him before I found out he was rich! That's new. Wait a minute! He said today he knew where home was. What happened this morning?! Where did you go?! -Well, at least I fell for him before I found out he was rich! That's new. Wait a minute! He said today he knew where home was. What happened this morning?! Where did you go?! To get some frozen poultry. -To get some frozen poultry. Then what? -Then what? We came back to the house! -We came back to the house! You didn't stop anywhere else?! -You didn't stop anywhere else?! No. No, wait a minute. We stopped at a porno store. -No. No, wait a minute. We stopped at a porno store. What?! -What?! An adult bookstore. He was very excited about seeing it. You think home is under a dirty bookstore in the Valley? -An adult bookstore. He was very excited about seeing it. You think home is under a dirty bookstore in the Valley? Come on. -Why would you put a fallout shelter under a porno shop? None of this stuff was here in 1962. The Valley was mostly small homes and fruit orchards. -None of this stuff was here in 1962. The Valley was mostly small homes and fruit orchards. Well, we've come a long way, haven't we? I want to go home. -Well, we've come a long way, haven't we? I want to go home. Yeah. Maybe he'll call. -Adam!! Where?! -Where?! Stop! -I'm going to need two more banana- splits and a cherry coke! You bet, Mom! Coming up! -I can't tell the boys from the girls anymore! Uh...yeah. It's like hard. -I miss those nice flower-power kids. How 'bout you? Um...uh... -I'm selling this place. I want out of this hell hole! Could I, like...oh, wow...like,uh... -Could I, like...oh, wow...like,uh... Buy it from me? -Buy it from me? Yeah! Yeah, that's it! -Yeah! Yeah, that's it! I'll give it to ya, no money down. The neighborhood has gone to hell anyway. -Tower. Wolf One. I've got a problem here. Say your problem, Wolf One. Are you declaring an emergency? -Say your problem, Wolf One. Are you declaring an emergency? Stand by. One. -Wolf One -- say intentions. I've got secondaries of an engine fire and I'll need to find a clear area to eject. -I've got secondaries of an engine fire and I'll need to find a clear area to eject. Roger, Wolf One. Can you make it to the ocean? -Tower, say again!! The SAR HELO is airborne with you in sight. -The SAR HELO is airborne with you in sight. I'm marking the 180 radial for five and ejecting. -I'm marking the 180 radial for five and ejecting. Roger, Wolf One. -I sent a trunk home yesterday. This is all I have. You look good, Jeffrey. Did you have a nice flight? -You look good, Jeffrey. Did you have a nice flight? Yeah. How's Dad? -I think it's important not to get depressed. Depression is a terrible thing. They say it can bring on illness. Aunt Barbara. I'll try not to get depressed. -Jeffrey, you're not going down by Lincoln, are you? No, I'm just going to walk around the neighborhood. Don't worry. -Doctor Gynde, my whole family's sick. What's going on? I'm not sick. -Will you tell Mom when she gets home from the hospital that I've gone to dinner at Sandy Williams' house? Okay honey. That sounds nice. Jeffrey. I think you've got termites in the house. -Okay honey. That sounds nice. Jeffrey. I think you've got termites in the house. Oh yeah? Have you seen any? -Oh yeah? Have you seen any? I've seen a few. -I've seen a few. Well, I haven't seen any. I wouldn't worry about it. Look, I better go. -Well, I haven't seen any. I wouldn't worry about it. Look, I better go. Okay honey. -I don't want to talk about it. Everything's okay now. I don't want to talk about it. Sometimes it helps to talk things over. For instance, many marriages are saved by. -Sometimes it helps to talk things over. For instance, many marriages are saved by. Aunt Barbara. I love you, but you're not gonna get it. -Frank. Come in. Hey, I brought some friends. And some beer. -Hey, I brought some friends. And some beer. Fine. Welcome. Come sit down. -Suave. Goddam are you suave, you fucker. You want some beer? Certainly Frank. Darling, get some glasses. We'll have some beer with Frank. Won't you sit down? -Shit Ben! How the shit are ya? Fine Frank. Fine. How are you? -Fine Frank. Fine. How are you? Fuckin' good, real fuckin' good. You know this little tid bit, Dorothy, and this thing, here, is a neighbor. What the shit we're doin' with a neighbor, I don't know. Goddam!!! This is the suavest guy I know. Look at you. You're one beautiful fucker, Ben. I love this jacket and that cigarette holder of yours. Shit, that is too fuckin' much. Where's those glasses. This beer's gonna get too warm. I can't stand fuckin' warm beer. It makes me puke. -Fuckin' good, real fuckin' good. You know this little tid bit, Dorothy, and this thing, here, is a neighbor. What the shit we're doin' with a neighbor, I don't know. Goddam!!! This is the suavest guy I know. Look at you. You're one beautiful fucker, Ben. I love this jacket and that cigarette holder of yours. Shit, that is too fuckin' much. Where's those glasses. This beer's gonna get too warm. I can't stand fuckin' warm beer. It makes me puke. Darling, where are the glasses? Oh, here they are. -To your health, Frank. Shit. Let's drink to something else. Let's drink to fuckin'. Say here's to your fuck Frank. -Shit. Let's drink to something else. Let's drink to fuckin'. Say here's to your fuck Frank. If you like Frank. Here's to your fuck. Cheers. -Frank, I have something for you. Excuse us everyone. EXCUSE US por favor! Hey. Let Tits see her kid. -See you Tuesday, Frank. Right Ben. LET'S GO FUCK. I'll fuck anything that moves. -Are you Detective Williams? Yes. -Yes. My name is Jeffrey Beaumont - I live near you. I believe you know my father, Tom Beaumont - Beaumont's Hardware Store? -My name is Jeffrey Beaumont - I live near you. I believe you know my father, Tom Beaumont - Beaumont's Hardware Store? Sure I do. I understand he's in the hospital. How is he? -Sure I do. I understand he's in the hospital. How is he? He's alright, I guess. I hope. They're doing tests, that's why I'm home from school. I was over at the hospital this morning and I was going home and in the field behind our neighborhood. There behind Vista, I found an ear. -He's alright, I guess. I hope. They're doing tests, that's why I'm home from school. I was over at the hospital this morning and I was going home and in the field behind our neighborhood. There behind Vista, I found an ear. You did? A human ear? -You did? A human ear? Yeah. I've got it here in this bag. I thought I should bring it to you. -Yeah. I've got it here in this bag. I thought I should bring it to you. Yep, that's right. Let's take a look at it. -By the way, Jeffrey, this story isn't going to the press and I'm going to ask you to consider all you've heard strictly confidential. Do not discuss this business with anyone, but me, or other police personnel. Got it? Got it. Thanks for letting me in on as much as you did. -Got it. Thanks for letting me in on as much as you did. Come on. I'll drive you home. It's on my way. -Come into the study a minute. Excuse me, Mrs. Williams. -Detective Williams here. Yeah. Tell him to go to Sergeant Milton. Yeah, copy. Well, Jeffrey, you found something which is very interesting to us. Very interesting. I know you must be curious to know more. But. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you not only not to tell anyone about your find, but also not to ask more about the case. One day, when it's all sewed up, I'll let you know all the details. Right now, though, I can't. I understand. I'm just real curious like you said. -I understand. I'm just real curious like you said. I was the same way when I was your age. I guess that's what got me into this business. -I was the same way when I was your age. I guess that's what got me into this business. It must be great. -It must be great. And it's horrible too. I'm sorry Jeffrey. That's the way it has to be. Anyway. I'm sure you do understand. -Jeffrey? Yes? -Yes? If you want to come up a minute, I'll show you some pictures. -These are beautiful. How's the case coming? Okay. -Okay. Anything you can tell me? -Anything you can tell me? The criminals are winning. -The criminals are winning. Is that why you say it's horrible? -Is that why you say it's horrible? Yes. -Yes. I guess you've seen some bad things. -I guess you've seen some bad things. Yes I have - so bad I wouldn't poison your mind by telling you. -Yes I have - so bad I wouldn't poison your mind by telling you. Why do you do it? -Why do you do it? I won't let the bastards get me up against the wall. It's an act of defiance. -I won't let the bastards get me up against the wall. It's an act of defiance. Yeah. I get it. -What is this? What color is it? Blue. It's Blue Velvet. -What color is it? It's blue. Blue velvet. -Jeffrey! Come on in. Hi. Hi Sandy. I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got to talk to you. -Hi. Hi Sandy. I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got to talk to you. Okay, come on in. Looks like you had a bad face lift. -Okay, come on in. Looks like you had a bad face lift. Yeah. -Okay? Okay, I gotta tell you. I've discovered some things. Anyway I have to show you some pictures and tell you some things about them. The first picture is this. -And that man came out with a third man - this well-dressed guy. Here's the photo. I think a girl named Dorothy Vallens is in trouble with these people. I think Frank has taken her husband and her son. I have no hard proof of any of this. Her address is also on the photos. I think these people are involved with drugs, and murder. I think Frank is killing drug dealers and... ...and somehow Frank is getting all their drugs. I had to tell you I got slightly more involved in this than you wanted me to, but it's over now for sure. I had to tell you about these things in case it could help. -I have no hard proof of any of this. Her address is also on the photos. I think these people are involved with drugs, and murder. I think Frank is killing drug dealers and... ...and somehow Frank is getting all their drugs. I had to tell you I got slightly more involved in this than you wanted me to, but it's over now for sure. I had to tell you about these things in case it could help. Well now Jeffrey, how did you come to get so involved? -Well now Jeffrey, how did you come to get so involved? I can't tell you the whole story. I. I took it upon myself. I can't say more. -I can't tell you the whole story. I. I took it upon myself. I can't say more. Is Sandy part of this? -Is Sandy part of this? No, not at all. -No, not at all. Who knows you have these? -Who knows you have these? Only you and the photo lab. -Only you and the photo lab. You're all through with this now? -You're all through with this now? Yes sir. I sure am. -For now. Alright, you better be. And Sandy better not be involved with this, I can tell you. Be prepared to come in for further interrogation on this later. Yes sir. -Detective Williams!! Detective Williams!! Detective Williams here. Is that you, Jeffrey? -Detective Williams here. Is that you, Jeffrey? Yes it's me!!! Frank is on his way up to Dorothy's apartment. Oh no. Frank has a radio and is hearing everything we say!! Detective Williams. Hurry. I'm in the apartment. Hurry. I'm hiding in the back bedroom. -Yes it's me!!! Frank is on his way up to Dorothy's apartment. Oh no. Frank has a radio and is hearing everything we say!! Detective Williams. Hurry. I'm in the apartment. Hurry. I'm hiding in the back bedroom. We're ten minutes away and moving as fast as we can. -Because of your information I alerted internal affairs to check out Detective Gordon. I had to keep on with him as if nothing was different. He slipped off on his own when he found out we were going to raid Frank's place. Does Dorothy know her husband is dead? -Does Dorothy know her husband is dead? Not yet. -Not yet. Oh my God. Is her son OK? -Yes? What is it? Pest control, gotta do your apartment. -Pest control, gotta do your apartment. Oh God, that stuff stinks. -Oh God, that stuff stinks. Nope, it's new stuff. No smell. -Nope, it's new stuff. No smell. Oh yeah, that's good. -That oughta do it. Yeah. -GET OUT OF THERE!!! GET OUT!!! Put your hands up, on your head. GO ON!!! Get down on your knees - DO IT!! What are you doing? Who are you? What's your name? WHAT'S YOUR NAME? Jeffrey. -Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Jeffrey what? -Jeffrey. Jeffrey what? Jeffrey nothing. -Jeffrey nothing. You tell me!! Let me see that wallet. Jeffrey Beaumont. What're you doing in my apartment, Jeffrey Beaumont? -You tell me!! Let me see that wallet. Jeffrey Beaumont. What're you doing in my apartment, Jeffrey Beaumont? I wanted to see you. -I wanted to see you. What? Are you kidding me? Who sent you here? -What? Are you kidding me? Who sent you here? Nobody. -Nobody. Shit. You better tell me something. -Shit. You better tell me something. I was an experiment. Just to see if I could do it. -I was an experiment. Just to see if I could do it. An experiment? Hey, I've seen you before. -An experiment? Hey, I've seen you before. I sprayed your apartment. I took your key. I really didn't mean to do anything but see you. -I sprayed your apartment. I took your key. I really didn't mean to do anything but see you. Tell me what you saw tonight. TELL ME. -Tell me what you saw tonight. TELL ME. I saw you come in, talk on the phone. Get undressed. -I saw you come in, talk on the phone. Get undressed. The phone. What did you hear on the phone. Tell me. Word for word. -The phone. What did you hear on the phone. Tell me. Word for word. You said hello, to Frank. You wanted to talk to someone? Don? And little Donny. You said something about Momma loves you. And something about a Meadow Lane. Something in an hour. I don't remember any more. -That's right. That's what I said. You have a good memory. Then what? Well. -Well. THEN WHAT? -THEN WHAT? Then you got undressed. -Then you got undressed. How many times have you sneaked into girls' apartments and watched them undress? -How many times have you sneaked into girls' apartments and watched them undress? Never before this. -Never before this. How'd you like it if someone sneaked into your house and watched you. Get undressed. I want to see you. -How'd you like it if someone sneaked into your house and watched you. Get undressed. I want to see you. No. Come on. -No. Come on. NO, you come on. Take off your pants. I want to see you. -NO, you come on. Take off your pants. I want to see you. Look. I'm sorry. Just let me leave. -Look. I'm sorry. Just let me leave. No way. -What do you want from me? I, I don't know. -I, I don't know. What do you want? -Do you like that? Yes. -Do you like talk like that? No. -No. Lie down on the bed. -Don't. I don't like that. What do you want? Nothing. Are you alright? -Nothing. Are you alright? Sure I'm alright. -Sure I'm alright. I'll go then. -Don? No. -No. Don. Hold me. I'm scared. Hold me. Please. -Thank you. honey. It's okay. It's okay. -Do you like the way I feel? Yes. -Yes. See my breasts? See? -Yes. See my nipples? -See my nipples? Yes. -Yes. You can kiss them if you want. Feel them. They're getting hard. -You can hit me, if you want to. No, please. I won't. -Do you like me? Yes, I like you. -Yes, I like you. You can be my special friend and come and put that in me. -I made it go down the toilet. What? -Next Christmas. Is he Santa Claus who has left a present for Dorothy? What was it? An ear? Another ear?!! What was it? Do you know? -Do you know? No. -No. You don't? -You don't? No. What is happening? -No. What is happening? Maybe you don't know. I know you though. You're Jeffrey Beaumont and I know where you live and I know ways to get you and I know ways to kill you. -Maybe you don't know. I know you though. You're Jeffrey Beaumont and I know where you live and I know ways to get you and I know ways to kill you. Please don't talk like that. You're upset. I'm not helping you. I'm sorry for what I did. I better go. -Please don't talk like that. You're upset. I'm not helping you. I'm sorry for what I did. I better go. Go then. I can't let you put it in me now but I want you. I like you. -Go then. I can't let you put it in me now but I want you. I like you. Then don't talk about killing. -Then don't talk about killing. Did I say that? I didn't mean it, or did I? Sometimes I think it would be fun. Go ahead, you better leave now. I can't open myself to you now. I'll tell you a little secret. I want to die. -Did I say that? I didn't mean it, or did I? Sometimes I think it would be fun. Go ahead, you better leave now. I can't open myself to you now. I'll tell you a little secret. I want to die. Don't say that. -Don't say that. It's a secret so don't tell anyone. Some day I'll show you where. I've gotta go to sleep now. -It's a secret so don't tell anyone. Some day I'll show you where. I've gotta go to sleep now. OK. -Hi, can I come in? Yeah, hurry up though. -Why are you here. Whatiya want? I, uh. -I, uh. I looked for you in my closet tonight. It's crazy, I don't know where you came from, but I like you. -I looked for you in my closet tonight. It's crazy, I don't know where you came from, but I like you. That's not crazy. I like you too. -I liked being with you last night. Same here. -Oh shit. Frank? Can you stand up? -Frank? Can you stand up? I'm alright. Go hide. This won't take long. Be quiet. -Nice guy. Who's he? Who's it, you mean. -Oh God. Don!!! Why can't I just die. There you go again. Stop saying that. You can make it. -There you go again. Stop saying that. You can make it. I can't. I can't. You think you know so much. -I can't. I can't. You think you know so much. Take it easy. What's goin' on anyway? Why are you in so much trouble? -Look. No. -No. Falling. -Falling. No. Please, Dorothy. Why are you in so much trouble? -Who is Don? Don? Are you in with them? -Don? Are you in with them? No. But you're in very big trouble. -No. But you're in very big trouble. Why are you so interested? Why do you keep asking me? -Why are you so interested? Why do you keep asking me? I came back to help you. You said do I let girls sneak into my house. You know where I live. If you need to, come to where I live, OK? -I came back to help you. You said do I let girls sneak into my house. You know where I live. If you need to, come to where I live, OK? Who are you? Maybe I'll need to. You like me, huh? -Who are you? Maybe I'll need to. You like me, huh? Yes. -Yes. Or do you just want me? I'm going to let you enter me now. -Or do you just want me? I'm going to let you enter me now. No. I should go. -No. I should go. Please, please stay. -Come in. Hello. -It used to make me laugh, but. I'm sorry, maybe I better go Dorothy. -I'm sorry, maybe I better go Dorothy. Yes. Frank-- -Yes. Frank-- Frank is coming? -Frank is coming? No. How could he? Don't go. You think I'm crazy, don't you? I want you to stay. Don't hate me. -No. How could he? Don't go. You think I'm crazy, don't you? I want you to stay. Don't hate me. I sure don't hate you. -I sure don't hate you. I'm not crazy. I know the difference between right and wrong. -I'm not crazy. I know the difference between right and wrong. That's good. -Do you like my body? Sure I do. -What do you want to do? I'm doing it. -I'm doing it. Are you a bad boy? -Are you a bad boy? Whatiya mean? -Whatiya mean? Do you want to do bad things? Anything, anything. -Do you want to do bad things? Anything, anything. What do you want? -What do you want? I want you to hurt me. -I want you to hurt me. No. I told you. I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you. I think I know some of what is happening to you. Dorothy? Frank has your husband and son. Dorothy? Doesn't he? You have to do something Dorothy. Go to the police. -No. I told you. I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you. I think I know some of what is happening to you. Dorothy? Frank has your husband and son. Dorothy? Doesn't he? You have to do something Dorothy. Go to the police. No police!!! No police!! -You like to open me, don't you? Yes. -Yes. What if I told Frank that you opened me? -That wouldn't be too good, would it? Frank would open you. -Frank would open you. Okay. I know you've been scared. Now you want to scare someone. -Okay. I know you've been scared. Now you want to scare someone. Does that scare you? -Does that scare you? Shut up. -Shut up. Beeeee careful. -Beeeee careful. Come on Dorothy. -Come on Dorothy. What if Frank came over here and found us? -Look, snap out of it, will ya? Kiss me. -Do you love me? Do you love me? -Do you love me? I asked first. -I asked first. Sometimes I think I do. -Sometimes I think I do. And sometimes you think you don't?! Well, get away then! -Wait a minute. Wait. Whatiya want? For cryin' out loud! Just get outta my bed. -I love you Don with all my heart. No, it's not Don. -I didn't mean to hurt you. Shhhhhh. Now I have your disease. -Shhhhhh. Now I have your disease. You what? -You what? You put your disease in me. Your semen. It's hot and full of disease. -You put your disease in me. Your semen. It's hot and full of disease. There's no disease, I can tell you. -There's no disease, I can tell you. Men are crazy. Then they put their craziness into me. Then it makes me crazy. Then they aren't so crazy for awhile. Then they put their craziness in me again. It's burning me, but I love you. I do, I do. Did you know that? Did you know that I love you? -Men are crazy. Then they put their craziness into me. Then it makes me crazy. Then they aren't so crazy for awhile. Then they put their craziness in me again. It's burning me, but I love you. I do, I do. Did you know that? Did you know that I love you? I'm glad you do. -I'm glad you do. There's so much I want to tell you. I'm in so much darkness though with things moving. There is darkness sucking me. It's kissing me and darkness is entering me. In every hole. It's opening me to a death. -There's so much I want to tell you. I'm in so much darkness though with things moving. There is darkness sucking me. It's kissing me and darkness is entering me. In every hole. It's opening me to a death. Dorothy. No! -Dorothy. No! If I die, then they'll be free. It's getting late, isn't it? I can tell, it's a cold feeling when it's late. It's warm then it gets cold. Jeffrey. I feel it getting cold. -If I die, then they'll be free. It's getting late, isn't it? I can tell, it's a cold feeling when it's late. It's warm then it gets cold. Jeffrey. I feel it getting cold. You called me Jeffrey. -You called me Jeffrey. I did. Are you? -I did. Are you? Yes. -Yes. Why are you here? HMMMMMMMM!!!! OK. -Why are you here? HMMMMMMMM!!!! OK. No. Not really. But also because I really want you to be alright. -I guess I should go. I want you to stay with me. -I want you to stay with me. I think I better go. -I'll call you. Okay. Soon? Do you think I'm too fat? -Okay. Soon? Do you think I'm too fat? What? -What? I'm getting a little bit fat. I hate that. -I'm getting a little bit fat. I hate that. You look beautiful to me. -Oh no. No. Hi baby. -Yeah, it's me. Oh God, Jeffrey, is that you? Oh God. -Where have you been? Oh God, they hurt him, Jeffrey. Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, hold me. HOLD ME. Oh God. It's okay. It's okay. -It's okay. It's okay. My secret lover. -They hurt his head. Who, Dorothy? -Who, Dorothy? Don. Help him. HELP HIM!! DONNY!!!! -Hold me, Don. Don? Where is he? -Don? Where is he? HELP HIM!! Promise me you'll help him! -HELP HIM!! Promise me you'll help him! I promise, Dorothy. I promise. -I promise, Dorothy. I promise. Hold me. I'M FALLING! -Frank gone? Yeah, but get outta here. He's comin' back. -Yeah, but get outta here. He's comin' back. Bull. -Bull. Alright, suit yourself. -Alright, suit yourself. He's comin' back? What for? -He's comin' back? What for? 'Cause he's comin' back, that's what for. Frank's got you really loaded tonight. -'Cause he's comin' back, that's what for. Frank's got you really loaded tonight. Yeah, maybe so. Frank's got me, and you and really it's all thanks to Don, isn't it. Remember that. Your husband was the one who started fucking my mind with drugs. -Yeah, maybe so. Frank's got me, and you and really it's all thanks to Don, isn't it. Remember that. Your husband was the one who started fucking my mind with drugs. Oh he forced you, huh? -Oh he forced you, huh? He's the reformed dealer though who wanted to turn himself in. He's the one that caused Frank to come and Frank's fucking us real good. I just feel so horny. I'm supposed to be here watching you why can't I be here fucking you. Listen. I know his cock's the size of a pin - let me give you the real thing. Let me wet my whistle, baby. -He's the reformed dealer though who wanted to turn himself in. He's the one that caused Frank to come and Frank's fucking us real good. I just feel so horny. I'm supposed to be here watching you why can't I be here fucking you. Listen. I know his cock's the size of a pin - let me give you the real thing. Let me wet my whistle, baby. No way, get out. I'm gonna tell Frank. I'm gonna tell him what you said. -No way, get out. I'm gonna tell Frank. I'm gonna tell him what you said. Okay, I'm goin'. You'll see, I'll get you. -Hello, baby. Shut up. It's daddy, shit-head. -Shut up. It's daddy, shit-head. Hello, daddy. -Hello, daddy. My bourbon. -MOMMY! Mommy's here. -Mommy's here. Baby wants to fuck. -Who's this fuck? He's a friend. From the neighborhood. We were just talking. -He's a friend. From the neighborhood. We were just talking. From the neighborhood? Shut the fuck up. You like telephones? Huh? You wanta go for a ride? -Where are we going, Frank? Hey Tits, I'm taking your neighbor to the country. Maybe something for you too. -Hey Tits, I'm taking your neighbor to the country. Maybe something for you too. Frank? -Frank? You want to see him too, right? -You want to see him too, right? Yes, but. -Yes, but. Then, shut up! -Look at these. What are these? Come on, Frank. Let's go. Please. -Don't say PLEASE, Fuckhead. WHAT ARE THESE? Those are my breasts. -Those are my breasts. Can I feel 'em? -Can I feel 'em? If you want to. -Frank, he didn't mean it. Leave him alone. Come on. He didn't mean it. Shut up. Gimme your lipstick. Hey, pretty, pretty. -We're looking for him. In your opinion, why did Frank kidnap Dorothy's son and husband? He became obsessed with her. She hated him. He had to have her. He kidnapped them to control her. To make her do things. Then she wanted to commit suicide so he started cutting off ears as a warning to her to stay alive. I'm not kidding. Frank loved blue, blue velvet. He had to have Dorothy cause her whole life was blue. -He became obsessed with her. She hated him. He had to have her. He kidnapped them to control her. To make her do things. Then she wanted to commit suicide so he started cutting off ears as a warning to her to stay alive. I'm not kidding. Frank loved blue, blue velvet. He had to have Dorothy cause her whole life was blue. You seemed to see some very interesting things on your little escapade with Dorothy Vallens. -You seemed to see some very interesting things on your little escapade with Dorothy Vallens. Yeah. I guess I did. What's going to happen to me? -Yeah. I guess I did. What's going to happen to me? We're going to leave that up to Detective Williams. I'll tell you though, you're okay. You shot a real son of a bitch. -We're going to leave that up to Detective Williams. I'll tell you though, you're okay. You shot a real son of a bitch. Yeah. I sure know that. Yeah, but how many more are out there? -Hello? Speak to me Fucker. -No thanks. No thanks. What does that mean? -No thanks. What does that mean? I don't want to go. -I don't want to go. Go where? -Go where? On a ride. -On a ride. A ride? Hell, that's a good idea. Okay, let's go. Hey, let's go. -Heineken. FUCK THAT SHIT. PABST BLUE RIBBON!!! -Hey neighbor. Here's to Ben. Here's to Ben. -Here's to Ben. Do you see, Ben? I can make him do anything I fuckin' please. -Hey? You like to walk. What? -What? Let's take our neighbor out. Let him fuckin' walk back. -What are you lookin' at? Nothing. -Nothing. Don't look at me, Fuck. I shoot when I see the whites of the eyes. You like me? -Don't be a good neighbor to her or I'm gonna send you a love letter. Straight from my heart, fucker. You know what a love letter is? It's a bullet, straight from my gun, fucker. Once you get a love letter from me, you're fucked forever. Understand, Fuck? Yes. -Yes. I'll send you straight to hell, Fuck! -Come on. I wancha to meet a frienda mine. Raymond, get enough beer for Ben too. Okay Frank. -Okay Frank. What kinda beer do you like? -Raymond! Where's the fuckin' beer? Right here Frank. You want me to pour it? -Right here Frank. You want me to pour it? No, I want ya to fuck it. Shit, yes, pour the fuckin' beer. -No, I want ya to fuck it. Shit, yes, pour the fuckin' beer. There ya go. -There ya go. Good, let's drink up. -I mean, for good, Jeffrey. For good? I can't Mom. Not right in the middle of the term. -For good? I can't Mom. Not right in the middle of the term. Jeffrey, honey. Your father's condition is serious. It's going to cost so much. We just won't have the money to keep you in school. I'm telling you this now, so that you can get your things together and check out of school, honey, or whatever you have to do, it'll save you another trip back. You're going to have to work at the store. -Jeffrey, honey. Your father's condition is serious. It's going to cost so much. We just won't have the money to keep you in school. I'm telling you this now, so that you can get your things together and check out of school, honey, or whatever you have to do, it'll save you another trip back. You're going to have to work at the store. Mom. -Where's all your things, Jeffrey? This is it. -Jeffrey, breakfast is ready. Be right down. -What time are visiting hours? I've made arrangements with Dr. Gynde for 10:30. But Jeffrey, you'll have to walk over; I need the car this morning. -I've made arrangements with Dr. Gynde for 10:30. But Jeffrey, you'll have to walk over; I need the car this morning. Well. Okay. -Well. Okay. Jeffrey, when you see your father. -Jeffrey, when you see your father. Yeah? -Yeah? He doesn't know you're out of school. He thinks it's a vacation for you. -He doesn't know you're out of school. He thinks it's a vacation for you. What? -What? It would be too much for him. So please let him think as he does, that you're home just to see him. -It would be too much for him. So please let him think as he does, that you're home just to see him. Thanks a lot, Mom. -Thanks a lot, Mom. Jeffrey! Nobody wanted you to leave school and go to work in the store, maybe going back to school will be an option one day. I hope so. -I'm going out for awhile. Do you want the car? -Do you want the car? No, I'm just gonna walk around. -No, I'm just gonna walk around. Alright. -Can I use the car tonight? Of course, Jeffrey. -God, you scared me. Is something wrong? What's happened to your face? -Is something wrong? What's happened to your face? Nothing. I'm fine. -Nothing. I'm fine. You can't just stay out half the night and carry on, Jeffrey. There's got to be some order, Jeffrey. I thought it would have been nice to call your father when you got home but now it is much too late. -Hello, uh, my name is Jeffrey Beaumont. Is Detective Williams in? Oh, yes, Jeffrey. Come in. He'll be back any minute now. You're welcome to wait. Is it urgent? -Oh, yes, Jeffrey. Come in. He'll be back any minute now. You're welcome to wait. Is it urgent? I just wanted to ask him a few questions, that's all. Maybe I better go. -I just wanted to ask him a few questions, that's all. Maybe I better go. Really, he'll be home soon, would you like a cup of coffee? -Really, he'll be home soon, would you like a cup of coffee? Alright. -I was sorry to hear about your father. I know your mother from church. It's such a shame. Yeah, I know. -Yeah, I know. Would you like a piece of cake? -Would you like a piece of cake? No. No thank you. -No. No thank you. It's a real good chocolate cake. Duncan Hines' devil's food. Real good. -It's a real good chocolate cake. Duncan Hines' devil's food. Real good. Yeah. okay. -He comes over to study. Yeah. -Mrs. Williams? Thanks for the cake. Oh, you're welcome. Nice to finally meet you, Jeffrey. -Oh, you're welcome. Nice to finally meet you, Jeffrey. "Say ""goodnight"" to Sandy." -Here you are. Would anyone like coffee? That sounds great! -That sounds great! Anyone else? Alright Jeffrey, just a minute. -Please excuse me a moment, Jeffrey, and I'll get to the dishes. Sure thing, please don't worry about me. Can I help you with the dishes? -Sure thing, please don't worry about me. Can I help you with the dishes? Nice of you to offer, Jeffrey, but certainly not. Just relax and enjoy your coffee. I'm sure Sandy will be back soon. -Sandy?... Sandy, please. I'll get a coat for her. -No. Looks like you'd make a good runner. -Looks like you'd make a good runner. Well. -Well. I mean, you don't exactly have the build for a football. I mean, no offense. -No, you're right. I mean, some guys play anyway but they usually get slaughtered. -I mean, some guys play anyway but they usually get slaughtered. Yeah, well I never wanted to get slaughtered much. -Yeah, well I never wanted to get slaughtered much. Well, most guys don't. I mean that's the point. You all mind if I take my vitamins? -Hey, you ivy league shit. COME HERE! Later Mike. I gotta take care of someone who's hurt here, in case you haven't noticed. -Hi Dad. Hey Jeff. -Looks like they've got you strapped in pretty good. Uh-uh. -Uh-uh. Are you feeling okay? -Are you feeling okay? Uh-uh. -Good to see you, son. It's good to see you, Dad. -How ya doin' Dad? Hey Jeff. I'm feelin' so much better. -Hey Jeff. I'm feelin' so much better. Good deal Dad. -Yeah, how did you know? I just know, that's all. I remember you from Central. -Oh yeah? You were pretty popular. Didn't you run for some office? -You were pretty popular. Didn't you run for some office? Yeah I did, treasurer. Shouldn't you be studying or something. -Yeah I did, treasurer. Shouldn't you be studying or something. Am I bothering you? -Am I bothering you? No. You're not bothering me. You a senior? -No. You're not bothering me. You a senior? Yes. -Yes. How is Central these days? -How is Central these days? Terrible boring. -Terrible boring. What else is new? Right? -What else is new? Right? Yeah. What are you doing now? -Yeah. What are you doing now? I'm home from school. My father's in the hospital. -I'm home from school. My father's in the hospital. That's too bad. -That's too bad. What do you know about the ear? Anything? -What do you know about the ear? Anything? Didn't my father tell you not to talk about it? -Didn't my father tell you not to talk about it? Come on, you brought it up. Do you know anything? -Come on, you brought it up. Do you know anything? I don't really know much but bits and pieces. I hear things. My room is right above my father's office. The ear, there's no corpse in the morgue missing an ear, and it did come off a living person. That's direct from the Coroner's Office. The person is unknown. There are a couple of cases I get mixed up on, but I think there are some people who were brought in for questioning on a murder case that could have something to do with the ear. I heard some of the same names. -I don't really know much but bits and pieces. I hear things. My room is right above my father's office. The ear, there's no corpse in the morgue missing an ear, and it did come off a living person. That's direct from the Coroner's Office. The person is unknown. There are a couple of cases I get mixed up on, but I think there are some people who were brought in for questioning on a murder case that could have something to do with the ear. I heard some of the same names. Do you know who was brought in for questioning? -Do you know who was brought in for questioning? There were at least three, maybe four. But a name that keeps coming up is this woman who lives in an apartment building very close to your house and also close to the field where you found the ear. There's also a business man over by the Franklin factory district that was questioned. And a musician. And some others. -There were at least three, maybe four. But a name that keeps coming up is this woman who lives in an apartment building very close to your house and also close to the field where you found the ear. There's also a business man over by the Franklin factory district that was questioned. And a musician. And some others. Were all these people questioned this afternoon? -Were all these people questioned this afternoon? No, this has been going on for some time. Several months. About six months ago some parts of bodies were found down by the river. They were from people who were reported missing. They never found one complete body, only parts. -No, this has been going on for some time. Several months. About six months ago some parts of bodies were found down by the river. They were from people who were reported missing. They never found one complete body, only parts. The ear is from a missing person maybe? -The ear is from a missing person maybe? Maybe so. -Maybe so. It's a strange world isn't it? Do you know what building the woman lives in? -It's a strange world isn't it? Do you know what building the woman lives in? Yeah. It's close by, that's what's creepy. They've had her under surveillance for a couple of months, except I don't know what they've found out because my father isn't in charge of her. -Yeah. It's close by, that's what's creepy. They've had her under surveillance for a couple of months, except I don't know what they've found out because my father isn't in charge of her. I guess you have to get back home soon? -I guess you have to get back home soon? Not really, why? You want to see the building? Come on, I'll show you. -That's the building. She lives on the Seventh Floor. Don't stop to look long, the police are watching. Where are they? -Where are they? I don't know, you're not supposed to see them. They're supposed to see you. -Did they find out anything when they questioned her? I don't know, like I said, she's not my father's case. -I don't know, like I said, she's not my father's case. Oh yeah. What about those other people? Anything? -Oh yeah. What about those other people? Anything? My father is watching the businessman. The businessman had a partner who disappeared. Left his whole business and family, his wife and two kids. They think he's been murdered. -My father is watching the businessman. The businessman had a partner who disappeared. Left his whole business and family, his wife and two kids. They think he's been murdered. You really do hear a lot, don't you? -You really do hear a lot, don't you? Yeah, I guess so. What are you going to do now that you're home? -Yeah, I guess so. What are you going to do now that you're home? I have to help out in my father's hardware store. They're giving me sort of my own hours for a while, which is nice. -I have to help out in my father's hardware store. They're giving me sort of my own hours for a while, which is nice. Still, it must be kinda rough. -Still, it must be kinda rough. It's not bad, but it's bad enough. It's a lot worse for my father. I used to know a kid who lived there and who had the biggest tongue in the world. -What happened to him? I don't know. He moved away. -I've gotta go in. Thanks for the tour. It was nice talking to you. -I guess I'll see you sometime. I guess so. Like you said. It's a strange world. -I guess so. Like you said. It's a strange world. Yeah. Good bye. -You hungry or thirsty, or both? I don't know. -I don't know. I'd like to talk to you about something. -I'd like to talk to you about something. Just a minute, pull over and wait a minute. -I don't want to cause any trouble. I'm here, aren't I? -I'm here, aren't I? I guess Mike's got some sort of sports practice in the afternoon. -I guess Mike's got some sort of sports practice in the afternoon. Ooooo, you are smart. Just don't get too smart. -Alright, now tell me. What is it? There are opportunities in life for gaining knowledge and experience. Sometimes, in some cases, it's necessary to take a risk. I got to thinking. I'll bet a person could learn a lot by getting into that woman's apartment, you know, sneak in and hide and observe. -There are opportunities in life for gaining knowledge and experience. Sometimes, in some cases, it's necessary to take a risk. I got to thinking. I'll bet a person could learn a lot by getting into that woman's apartment, you know, sneak in and hide and observe. You said it was a strange world. And you're the strangest part of it. Are you crazy? She is possibly involved in murder. This gives me the creeps. -You said it was a strange world. And you're the strangest part of it. Are you crazy? She is possibly involved in murder. This gives me the creeps. Settle down. I have a plan which I think will work. There is very little for you to do, but I do need your help. Aren't you curious about my plan? -Settle down. I have a plan which I think will work. There is very little for you to do, but I do need your help. Aren't you curious about my plan? It wouldn't hurt to hear the plan, I guess. -It wouldn't hurt to hear the plan, I guess. Alright. the first thing is to get into her apartment and open a window that I could crawl into later. -Alright. the first thing is to get into her apartment and open a window that I could crawl into later. Now, how are you going to do that? -Now, how are you going to do that? Right out in the car I happen to have some old overalls and a bug spraying rig. I will go to her apartment and be the pest control man. I will spray her apartment. After a few minutes you will knock on her door, drawing her attention away from me and I will then jimmy a window. -Right out in the car I happen to have some old overalls and a bug spraying rig. I will go to her apartment and be the pest control man. I will spray her apartment. After a few minutes you will knock on her door, drawing her attention away from me and I will then jimmy a window. What will I say when she comes to the door? -What will I say when she comes to the door? "You will be a Jehovah's Witness. I have a few ""Awake"" magazines for you. You don't have to keep her very long. A few seconds is all I'll need. Whatiya think?" -"You will be a Jehovah's Witness. I have a few ""Awake"" magazines for you. You don't have to keep her very long. A few seconds is all I'll need. Whatiya think?" I don't know, it sounds like a good daydream, but actually doing it is too weird. Too dangerous. -I don't know, it sounds like a good daydream, but actually doing it is too weird. Too dangerous. Let's just try the first part. If that goes well, we'll see about the rest. No one will suspect us, because no one would believe two people like us would be crazy enough to do something like this. -Let's just try the first part. If that goes well, we'll see about the rest. No one will suspect us, because no one would believe two people like us would be crazy enough to do something like this. You've got a point there. -Now, we'll walk over so there's no license plates and you give me at least three minutes. I can stall if it's more, but I need time to find a good window, alright? Alright. -Alright. Let's go. -Okay, I'm going ahead. Wait a minute, what's her name? Oh brother. Dorothy Vallens, Seventh Floor. Look on the mailbox for her number, bright boy. -Oh brother. Dorothy Vallens, Seventh Floor. Look on the mailbox for her number, bright boy. Thanks. Dorothy Vallens. Okay, goodluck. Three minutes, no sooner. -Thanks. Dorothy Vallens. Okay, goodluck. Three minutes, no sooner. Alright. Good luck, yourself. -Are you alright? Yeah, let's get outta here. What happened? -I was just about to go to the door, when that man did my job for me. Was it alright? Yes and no. Did you recognize him? -Yes and no. Did you recognize him? No. I only saw his back. He went down another stairwell at the end of the hall. -No. I only saw his back. He went down another stairwell at the end of the hall. I didn't get a good look at him either, but he sure looked at me. I didn't have time to get a window, but I found this key. Pretty nifty, huh? -I didn't get a good look at him either, but he sure looked at me. I didn't have time to get a window, but I found this key. Pretty nifty, huh? Yeah, if it opens the door. -Yeah, if it opens the door. Yeah. -So, what's next? Pretty clever. Are you game for more? -Pretty clever. Are you game for more? I owe you, since I goofed up this one. -I owe you, since I goofed up this one. You didn't goof it up, but you still owe me one. I want to sneak in tonight. It's Friday, do you have a date tonight? -You didn't goof it up, but you still owe me one. I want to sneak in tonight. It's Friday, do you have a date tonight? Yes. I do. -Yes. I do. Well, it's Friday night and you're a beautiful girl. I guess you would have a date, that does that. -You really want to do this, don't you? I don't want you to get involved, really, I mean, I do, but if something went wrong I mean, like you said, they may be involved in murder. -I'll tell Mike I'm sick. There's a game tonight anyway and he'll never miss me. Afterwards he can go out with the guys. Just so the record is kept straight though, I love Mike. What do want me to do? First of all, we'll have a nice dinner. Try to find out where Dorothy sings. -First of all, we'll have a nice dinner. Try to find out where Dorothy sings. "I already know. The ""Slow Club"". It's on Route 7." -"I already know. The ""Slow Club"". It's on Route 7." Great. I'll pick you up around eight o'clock. Is that good? -Great. I'll pick you up around eight o'clock. Is that good? Yeah, but don't pick me up. My father may think it's strange. I'll walk over to your house. I'll be there at eight o'clock. -Yeah, but don't pick me up. My father may think it's strange. I'll walk over to your house. I'll be there at eight o'clock. Okay. You better get out before someone sees us. -What's the plan. First of all, we're going to the Slow Club to see Dorothy Vallens. We'll watch her for awhile. I'd like to hear her sing anyway, and then also we'll know she is there and not in her apartment. -First of all, we're going to the Slow Club to see Dorothy Vallens. We'll watch her for awhile. I'd like to hear her sing anyway, and then also we'll know she is there and not in her apartment. Brilliant. -Brilliant. Then we'll drive back to her apartment and I will plant myself there. -Then we'll drive back to her apartment and I will plant myself there. This is not my usual Friday night! -That sounds good. Two. -Here's to. An interesting experience. I'll drink to that. -Jeffrey, I don't think you ought to do it. Why not? -Why not? It's crazy and dangerous. My God, I shouldn't have told you. -It's crazy and dangerous. My God, I shouldn't have told you. It'll be okay. I don't think you should wait out here though. I think you should go home. Can you drive this car? -It'll be okay. I don't think you should wait out here though. I think you should go home. Can you drive this car? Yeah, but. -Yeah, but. Leave it in the front of your house for me, okay? -Leave it in the front of your house for me, okay? OK. -OK. Could you wait a little while, this key may not fit. -Could you wait a little while, this key may not fit. I wish you wouldn't do this. It doesn't make any sense. Let's go somewhere and have some coffee. -I wish you wouldn't do this. It doesn't make any sense. Let's go somewhere and have some coffee. I'm going in, Sandy. I'll see you tomorrow and tell you how it went. -I'm going in, Sandy. I'll see you tomorrow and tell you how it went. I, I don't want to see you tomorrow. Mike's coming over. -I, I don't want to see you tomorrow. Mike's coming over. Oh, okay, can I call? -Oh, okay, can I call? Okay, yeah, call. -Okay, yeah, call. Look, it can wait till Sunday. -Look, it can wait till Sunday. Call tomorrow. It's okay. Good luck. I hope you can sneak out okay. You're going to wait until she's asleep? -Call tomorrow. It's okay. Good luck. I hope you can sneak out okay. You're going to wait until she's asleep? Yeah. -Yeah. I'm going to wait here until she comes. -I'm going to wait here until she comes. Are you sure? -Are you sure? I'll honk four times so you'll hear it and know she's on her way up. Okay? -Okay, thanks. I don't know if you're a detective or a pervert. -I don't know if you're a detective or a pervert. That's for me to know and for you to find out. I'll see you. I mean call you, okay? -That's for me to know and for you to find out. I'll see you. I mean call you, okay? Okay, okay. Bye. -Well, how did it go? What happened? Well, I've found out some things, nothing really for certain. There are some strange people involved. -Well, I've found out some things, nothing really for certain. There are some strange people involved. What did you see? -What did you see? Well. Maybe we should discuss this somewhere else, you know what I mean? -What's with Mike? He got a little jealous. -He got a little jealous. I'm sorry, I didn't... -I'm sorry, I didn't... It's okay. Don't worry about it. -You want a Dairy Queen? No way. I'm about to blow up. -You want to tell me about it? "OK. It's a strange world, Sandy. This is what I have found out. What I think I have found out. Dorothy Vallens is married to a man named Don. They have a son. I think the son and the husband have been kidnapped by a man named Frank who has now cut off both of Don's ears. I think he is holding them to make her do things for him. I think she wants to die. The ears were for her a warning to stay alive. There is another man involved. I call him the ""yellow man"". You saw his back the other day in the hall at her door. I don't know what he does but I think he's on drugs supplied by Frank. Frank is a very dangerous man." -"OK. It's a strange world, Sandy. This is what I have found out. What I think I have found out. Dorothy Vallens is married to a man named Don. They have a son. I think the son and the husband have been kidnapped by a man named Frank who has now cut off both of Don's ears. I think he is holding them to make her do things for him. I think she wants to die. The ears were for her a warning to stay alive. There is another man involved. I call him the ""yellow man"". You saw his back the other day in the hall at her door. I don't know what he does but I think he's on drugs supplied by Frank. Frank is a very dangerous man." Wow. Should you tell my father? -Wow. Should you tell my father? I don't see how I can, and I can't prove any of this. I got all this information illegally. Also it could get you in trouble. -I don't see how I can, and I can't prove any of this. I got all this information illegally. Also it could get you in trouble. You saw a lot in one night. -You saw a lot in one night. Actually. I've been in twice. -Actually. I've been in twice. Twice. Without her sensing anything? -Twice. Without her sensing anything? Yes. -Yes. Did you see her undressed? -Did you see her undressed? Yeah. I mean a little, you know. -Yeah. I mean a little, you know. Yeah? -Yeah? That doesn't bother you, does it? -That doesn't bother you, does it? Who, me? Why should it? -Who, me? Why should it? That's what I thought. -That's what I thought. You're sure right. It is a strange world. -You're sure right. It is a strange world. Why are there people like Frank. Why is there so much trouble in this world? -Why are there people like Frank. Why is there so much trouble in this world? I don't know. I had a dream. In fact, the night I met you. In the dream the world was dark because there weren't any robins. You know, birds. Robins stood for love, and all of a sudden thousands of robins flew down and brought this blinding light of love. And it felt like that love would be the only thing that would make any difference. I guess, until the robins come there is trouble. -I don't know. I had a dream. In fact, the night I met you. In the dream the world was dark because there weren't any robins. You know, birds. Robins stood for love, and all of a sudden thousands of robins flew down and brought this blinding light of love. And it felt like that love would be the only thing that would make any difference. I guess, until the robins come there is trouble. Yeah I guess so. You're a neat girl. -Yeah I guess so. You're a neat girl. So are you. I mean you're a neat guy. We better get back. -So are you. I mean you're a neat guy. We better get back. I guess so. You want to help me watch Frank? I'm going to stake out Frank's place tomorrow with a camera. -No, silly - I'm still in school you know. But I'll meet you after school and you can tell me what you've learned. You better be careful, Jeffrey. I will. I'll pick you up on the same corner at three thirty-five, okay? -Okay, be careful. Okay, Sandy. -Can I give you a kiss good night? You better not, Jeffrey. -You better not, Jeffrey. Okay, okay. -Okay, okay. Goodnight. -Goodnight. See ya tomorrow. -You were late. I'm really sorry. -I'm really sorry. What am I going to do? -What am I going to do? You want to go talk to him? -You want to go talk to him? Yeah, but I don't think it's going to do much good. Let's go. I'll try to talk to him later. -You know, that cheese is practically all chemicals. That's what makes it so good. You wanta hear what I saw today? -That's what makes it so good. You wanta hear what I saw today? Shoot. -Shoot. Number one. I saw the Yellow Man go into Frank's building, laughing with Frank. Now, the only trouble is, what does this prove? -Number one. I saw the Yellow Man go into Frank's building, laughing with Frank. Now, the only trouble is, what does this prove? Nothing really, but it's interesting. They know each other. They seem to like each other. -Nothing really, but it's interesting. They know each other. They seem to like each other. Maybe. But I think the Yellow Man is on drugs. I think Frank supplies him. -Maybe. But I think the Yellow Man is on drugs. I think Frank supplies him. Oh yeah? -Oh yeah? Number two. I saw the Yellow Man come out. This time with a well- dressed man with an alligator briefcase. They drove down this factory building and stood on a staircase looking at something in the distance. Number three. Now get this. In the distance was a murder. A drug dealer shot to death and a woman with her legs broken. -Number two. I saw the Yellow Man come out. This time with a well- dressed man with an alligator briefcase. They drove down this factory building and stood on a staircase looking at something in the distance. Number three. Now get this. In the distance was a murder. A drug dealer shot to death and a woman with her legs broken. Jeffrey!! -Jeffrey!! Then these guys told me the police will find a huge amount of drugs inside the dead man's place. -Then these guys told me the police will find a huge amount of drugs inside the dead man's place. I can't believe what you are finding out. Are you going to continue with this. Are you going back to her apartment? -I can't believe what you are finding out. Are you going to continue with this. Are you going back to her apartment? Yeah. -Yeah. Jeffrey? Why? -Jeffrey? Why? I'm seeing something that was always hidden. I'm involved in a mystery. I'm learning. And it's all secret. -I'm seeing something that was always hidden. I'm involved in a mystery. I'm learning. And it's all secret. You like mysteries that much? -You like mysteries that much? Yeah, you're a mystery. I like you. Very much. -You worry about me really? Yes. Is that so surprising? Yeah I worry, a lot. I got you into this. -Great. Hey, I've got a bit of a problem. I know some things that could help your father but you might get into trouble. Jeffrey, are they important things? Well forget me - you have to tell him. Jeffrey, I mean it. -Jeffrey, are they important things? Well forget me - you have to tell him. Jeffrey, I mean it. Okay, but I promise I won't mention you. Okay? I'll see him at the police station, okay? See you Friday night, if not before. -Everything okay? Yeah. I think so. I just had to tell him some of what I knew. Is Friday still on? -Yeah. I think so. I just had to tell him some of what I knew. Is Friday still on? You didn't tell him about me? -You didn't tell him about me? No. -I should never had gotten you going on this. Yes Jeffrey. Friday's on! Okay. Great! -Okay. What is it? -What is it? Just some fatherly advice. -What was that all about? Nothing, really! It's good to see you. -Nothing, really! It's good to see you. It's good to see you. -It's good to see you. Where to? -Where to? Just go over to Gelford and up to Vista. It's not far. Can you tell me any more about what you learned? -Just go over to Gelford and up to Vista. It's not far. Can you tell me any more about what you learned? I'd rather not talk about it. I'll tell you about it sometime. -I'd rather not talk about it. I'll tell you about it sometime. It's okay. -It's okay. You look beautiful. -You look beautiful. Thank you. Whatiya say we just enjoy the evening? -Thank you. Whatiya say we just enjoy the evening? I like that idea, that's a real good idea. -You want to dance? I can't dance fast. -I can't dance fast. Really? -Really? Really. You want to dance with someone else? -Really. You want to dance with someone else? NO. -NO. Let's wait for some slow one. -Let's wait for some slow one. Just a minute. -You want to dance? Okay. -Oh my God. What's wrong? Frank!!! -My father has a gun at home. No. -No. Sandy, this guy is a killer!! I promise you. -Dorothy!... Dorothy! Dorothy Vallens? -Dorothy Vallens? Yes. -Take her to my house. My dad can get an ambulance faster than anyone. Do you have anything to put around her? No. Is Detective Gordon going to be at your house? -No. Is Detective Gordon going to be at your house? Probably not. No. Why? -Probably not. No. Why? Okay. Let's get her over to your father's. -Okay. Let's get her over to your father's. Right. Watch out for Mike, there. -Jeffrey? What's going on? Shhh. I'll tell you. -I should go with her, Sandy. Go ahead. -Go ahead. Sandy? -Sandy? Go ahead! -Please get to your father and send him and the police to Dorothy's apartment right away. Be sure your father comes. Something is happening over there. They're hurting someone, the guy she loves. Tell them to hurry. I'm going over right now. No Jeffrey!! -No Jeffrey!! Yes I'm going. I have to. I love you. I will, believe me. -Look Jeffrey. Yeah. I just saw him outside. Maybe the robins are here. -Mike's gotta go. Nice to meet you. Yeah, nice meetin' you. -What are watchin' this junk for? You can change it if you want to. -You can change it if you want to. I don't know why we have to watch TV. -I don't know why we have to watch TV. Mike. We don't have to watch it. Come on. -Sandy? Could I talk to you a minute? Sure, just a sec. Excuse me. -Come on out a minute, okay? Okay. -Hey come here, you stole my girl, you bastard. I'm gonna kick your ass, right in front of your stupid house. Stop it Mike. -Stop it Mike. You shut up. Nobody's talkin' to you. Hey who's that Jeffrey? Your mother? -What did he bring him in for? Needed an outsider. The package boy knows everyone. He'd spot our hitters a mile away. -Needed an outsider. The package boy knows everyone. He'd spot our hitters a mile away. Just for him? -Just for him? Well he's the one shooting up all his guys, right? He's scared of the kid. Says he's real good, got every available gun in the city up there. -Well he's the one shooting up all his guys, right? He's scared of the kid. Says he's real good, got every available gun in the city up there. Up where? -Up where? Up his house. I don't know what's going on but I know it's gotta have something to do with this kid. -Up his house. I don't know what's going on but I know it's gotta have something to do with this kid. Oh fuck! -Fuck you. Hey, Augustus, I need your help, I got a serious problem here. I'm not screwing around. -Hey, Augustus, I need your help, I got a serious problem here. I'm not screwing around. I bounced you on my knee at family reunions, for Christ sakes. Your dad and me ran the whole east coast syndicate you snot-nosed little prick. And when you took the wheel, who was beside you? -Hey, I just... Don't start with your shit. Don't you talk to me. Oh, hey Uncle Gussy, thanks for years of service. Here's a gold watch and a job sniffing other guys' shit eight hours a day. What am I, a retired bus driver? -Don't start with your shit. Don't you talk to me. Oh, hey Uncle Gussy, thanks for years of service. Here's a gold watch and a job sniffing other guys' shit eight hours a day. What am I, a retired bus driver? I need Il Duce. -I need Il Duce. The Duke? What did you do? -The Duke? What did you do? This kid, this package boy could bring down the whole east coast. If he decides to turn states he could dismantle us... totally. But it looks like for now, he's content with just killing us one by one. And even worse the kid is good at it. I mean I had a prodigy on my hands the whole time and didn't even know it. -Listen kid, I think you better understand who you're dealing with here. Yeah. I was only twelve or thirteen when you guys used to talk about him, like he was a ghost or something. -Yeah. I was only twelve or thirteen when you guys used to talk about him, like he was a ghost or something. Your dad and I used him three times over twenty years, only when everything went totally fucked. Believe me kid, you don't want this guy unless you are 100% sure you need him. He is... a fuckin' monster. -There's ways around that. Go find one. -Lord's name. Mother Mary, full of grace. -Mother Mary, full of grace. What did you do, Connor? -Well listen, I know how my boys take ta scrappin' when they take ta drinkin'. Yes mother. -Yes mother. I mean it now. I carried the two of you little bastards around in my belly at the same time you ungrateful pissants. Ya ruined my girlish figure in one fell swoop, and then ya sucked me dry. My tits are saggin' down ta my ankles. I trip over em for Christ sakes, now ya listen ta me, NO FIGHTEN! -Are ya ready? Aye. -Yes sir. Look in the trash around their hands. See if you can find me two bullet casings. 45's, if my eye serves me right. Don't disturb them. Mark them as they lay. Newman, root through this shit. If this was a sink find me some metal parts. Gimme a faucet or a drain cover or something. -Paraffin came up positive. And bullet holes are usually a big clue. I can't find the second one, sir. -I can't find the second one, sir. Look under the body. -Look under the body. Got it. -Are these me considered armed and dangerous? Well, not armed. If they had guns, they'd have used them. But dangerous? Oh yeah. -Look, look! I'm not saying one way or the other. Just be careful and go by the protocol on this one. Any tips on where these guys may be? -Any tips on where these guys may be? Any word back from the E.R.s? -Ah, Agent Smecker, we have a problem. What? -What? The press is everywhere outside. They're going nuts for these guys. What do you want to do? -The press is everywhere outside. They're going nuts for these guys. What do you want to do? You're not being charged. It's up to you. Do you want to talk to them? -Oh, God! Don't kill me! We're on the same side! The boss musta sent you in as back up, huh? Oh, shit, please! I'm Rocco. I'm the funny man. They call me the funny fuckin' man! Where's your gun? -Where's your gun? Chest pocket. Shit! -Chest pocket. Shit! This is a six-shooter. -Poppa Joe said there was only two. In and out. Boy, you guys sure did a good job. You're good, huh? Cool masks. Where'd you get them? Let's do him right here. -What did you do?! Fuckin'... what the fuckin' fuck! Who the fuck, fucked this fuckin'? fuck. How did you two fuckin', fucks?......... FUCK!!! Certainly illustrates the diversity of the word. -What the fuck are you doing here? What, huh!? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? ANSWERS! I WANT FUCKIN' ANSWERS! Get a hold of yourself, man. -Anybody you think is evil? Yes. -Yes. Don't you think that's a little psycho? A little weird? -Don't you think that's a little psycho? A little weird? Weird, huh?... Know what I think is weird? Decent men with loving families go home every day after work. They turn on the news and see rapists, murderers, and child molesters all getting out of prison. -Climb the corporate ladder, boy. Don Rocco. Fuck it! I'm doing it. I deserve it. I've been working for those fat bastards since I was in high school and look at this place. -Donna's gonna be angry about her cat. Shit. She's on every drug know to man. She'd have sold that thing for a dime bag. Screw her. But I do kinda feel like an ass-hole. -Shit. She's on every drug know to man. She'd have sold that thing for a dime bag. Screw her. But I do kinda feel like an ass-hole. You sound real remorseful. -She ain't been around in weeks anyhow. Listen. Something's been bothering me about last night. -Listen. Something's been bothering me about last night. What? -What? Well... what if your boss knew how many guys were supposed to be there... in that room? -Well... what if your boss knew how many guys were supposed to be there... in that room? What are you saying? -What are you saying? Think about it man. Nine men, six bullets. -Think about it man. Nine men, six bullets. You think they sold me out? No way. -You think they sold me out? No way. He probably knew you'd end up nailing the fat guy, maybe one or two more, but he had to know you weren't walking out of there. Figure it out. Shooter's dead on the scene. No in-depth investigation. It'd slide right off his back. 'Cause as much as I love ya, you're not exactly Don Corleone. What would he be losing? A thirty- five year old delivery boy? -He probably knew you'd end up nailing the fat guy, maybe one or two more, but he had to know you weren't walking out of there. Figure it out. Shooter's dead on the scene. No in-depth investigation. It'd slide right off his back. 'Cause as much as I love ya, you're not exactly Don Corleone. What would he be losing? A thirty- five year old delivery boy? No, no. That's just not the way things are done. Besides, how's he know I don't just get in there see there's too many and just serve em their fuckin' food and beat it? -No, no. That's just not the way things are done. Besides, how's he know I don't just get in there see there's too many and just serve em their fuckin' food and beat it? He knows you, man. He knows all you want is to move up. That's all. A smooth hitter woulda gone in there, seen it was a wash and slipped out. But a guy like you? Knowin' this is your only chance? Waitin' eighteen years? -He knows you, man. He knows all you want is to move up. That's all. A smooth hitter woulda gone in there, seen it was a wash and slipped out. But a guy like you? Knowin' this is your only chance? Waitin' eighteen years? No. No man. That's... that's... you don't know what you're talking about. That's bullshit. I know these guys. I mean, thanks for your concern, but that just ain't the thing of it. -No. No man. That's... that's... you don't know what you're talking about. That's bullshit. I know these guys. I mean, thanks for your concern, but that just ain't the thing of it. Do me a favor and roll it around for a bit on your way in. -Do me a favor and roll it around for a bit on your way in. No, look. No rolling. Nothing needs to be rolled. -Pack your shit! We gotta get outta here! We gotta get out! What happened? -What happened? I killed em! Oh, Jesus! I killed em all!! -What did I fuckin' do?... in the middle of the Lakeview. Lakeview the deli? Oh, shit! -Anybody see ya? Fuck, man! I may as well have posted flyers. Right out in public, man. -Yeah, well... Oh, what the fuck? How do you guys decide who you're... I mean, who makes the cut? Is there a raffle or something? -I guess we really don't have a system of deciding who. MEEE! ME! I'm the guy! I know everyone, their habits, where they hang out, who they talk to. I know where they fuckin' live. We could kill everyone! -What the fuck are you doing? I-I'll tip her. -What? What is it? This place is like a scumbag yard sale. -Oh man. You gotta let me do these guys. I'm such a moron. I gotta make up for the tit thing. No way. I've been waitin' for this asshole. -No way. I've been waitin' for this asshole. Aw, c'mon. I gotta clear my family name here. I've brought shame to the house of Della Rocco. -You guys gotta teach me that prayer, man. That's some good shit. Forget it. It's a family prayer. My father, his father before him that sort of shit. -Forget it. It's a family prayer. My father, his father before him that sort of shit. C'mon! -Who the fuck was he, Rocco? I know you fuckin' know! Fuck you! I told you I never saw him before! -Look again for fuck sake! I know what the fuck he looks like! -Shit. What? What, that guy? -They got nothing. This guy is very sharp. If he hasn't figured us out yet, he will. -You little fuck. Let him go. I'll drop you right here. Okay, just calm down. He could hurt us, brother. He could ruin the whole thing. -Okay, just calm down. He could hurt us, brother. He could ruin the whole thing. Let him go or I will deliver you, right now. -Let him go or I will deliver you, right now. You won't do it Connor, you won't. You love me man. -You guys? We're here brother. -We're here brother. You gotta keep going. -Hello. Connor, is that you? -Mother, is that you? Is that worthless brother of your there? I want you both ta hear this. -Is that worthless brother of your there? I want you both ta hear this. Ma, what's wrong? -It's all your fault. Both you little bastards. I was a fool to believe you would bring me any peace. The day your Da left us when you were almost too young to remember, he said the two of you would do me right and make me proud, but he was wrong and I got nothin' ta live for. Mother, what are you sayin'? You're talkin' crazy here. -I finally found your Da's army revolver, Connor. What the hell are you doin' with Da's gun!? -What?! What are you doin'? I want ta tell ya one last thing before I pull the trigger. -I want ta tell ya one last thing before I pull the trigger. Pull the trigger?! Have ya lost it woman?! Now just calm down here. -No ma! No! BLAME... -How's Uncle Sibeal? Well, you know how it is with him. Always complainin' he's never turnin' a profit on St. Patty's. Whole damn family goes down there with no money, cause we know he can't bear ta charge us. -Well, we tried ta make friends and she gave me a shot ta the nuts. What... the dirty bitch! I hope ya trounced her a good one! -What... the dirty bitch! I hope ya trounced her a good one! Well, I didn't but... -Yeah, we promise. Well, there's my boys. Shit. I gotta go. Looks like I caused a ruckus with that shot. Half the damn neighborhood is comin'. -Still bickerin' over that, huh? Come on, ma. Out with it. Who came out first? -Come on, ma. Out with it. Who came out first? All right, I suppose you have the right ta know. -You guys are not under oath, here. I am assuming you knew these two guys from before, huh? We... met them last night. -We... met them last night. They had some pretty interesting bandages. Know anything about that? -So, how is it that you guys are fluent in Russian? We paid attention in school. -We paid attention in school. Know any other languages? -Well, we could try the bag over the head thing. Walk you right out the front. Our mother can see through bags. -Well, the light caught the side of his face for a second. And it looked like he had a gray beard, maybe... late fifties, early sixties. So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns? A-and he was a senior fucking citizen? -So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns? A-and he was a senior fucking citizen? I think it's better if we find this man before he finds us again. -I think it's better if we find this man before he finds us again. I'll see what I can do. How do I get in touch with you? -I'll see what I can do. How do I get in touch with you? We're going to hit Poppa Joe tonight, right in the comfort of his own home. Then we move on to New York. It's getting a bit hot for us here. -We're going to hit Poppa Joe tonight, right in the comfort of his own home. Then we move on to New York. It's getting a bit hot for us here. Be careful. -Be careful. I'll call you tonight, afterwards. -We're alive. An F.B.I. agent came by the bar. He left me his c-c, he left me his c-c, he left me this. -What are you going to do? We're going to turn ourselves in. It was self defense. -We're going to turn ourselves in. It was self defense. y-y-yeah that's what he said. -Hold this shit for us, Doc. We'll be comin back for it when we get out. Right. -Would someone please come over here and... Fuck! -Fuck! me up the... -me up the... Ass! -I do believe the Monsignor finally got a point. Aye. -Hey Murphy? Aye. -Aye. How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? -How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many? -How many? Two. One ta screw it in and one ta suck my cock. -No fuckin' hot water man. That... Shut it. It's Ma. -Aaaww, shit!... evil woman! Lord have mercy. That was a good one ma. -Oh, Jesus. I gave him his first lesson in sensitivity toward the fairer sex just today. -I gave him his first lesson in sensitivity toward the fairer sex just today. Don't even do it, ya bastard. -Don't even do it, ya bastard. He got beat up by a girl. -He got beat up by a girl. If that was a girl I want ta see some papers. She had ta be just preoperative for Christ sakes. -All right, love ya ma. Listen, before ya go just give us the goods, eh? Yeah. It's been twenty-seven years. -"""What do we tell him about the guns and money?""" """We just got up and left. Bum musta rolled them before the police got there.""" -"""We just got up and left. Bum musta rolled them before the police got there.""" Okay. We're ready. -A p-penny saved is worth two in the bush. Don't c-cross the road if ya can't get out of the kitchen. -Listen fellas, Y'know he's got 'til this week's end. Ya don't have ta be hard asses, do ya? Yeah, it's St. Patty's day. Everyone's Irish tonight. Now, why don't ya pull up a stool and have a drink with us? -"""Now, that wasn't too polite, was it?""" """I'm afraid we can't let that one go, Ivan.""" -How do you think he figured all this out without talking to us? Italian. -I have no idea. Maybe someone saw and talked. German. Not in our neighborhood, man. A hundred percent Irish. No one talks to cops. Period. -German. Not in our neighborhood, man. A hundred percent Irish. No one talks to cops. Period. Spanish. Then I guess he's just real... real good. -Absolutely not. No pictures, either. -Destroy all that which is evil... ...so that which is good may flourish -Know what we need, man?... some rope. For what? -For what? Charlie Bronson's always got rope. -Charlie Bronson's always got rope. What? -What? Yeah, these guys always got a lot of rope strapped around em in the movies and they always end up using it. -Yeah, these guys always got a lot of rope strapped around em in the movies and they always end up using it. Oh, you've lost it, haven't ya? -Oh, you've lost it, haven't ya? I'm serious. -I'm serious. Me too. That's stupid. Name one thing we're gonna need it for. -Me too. That's stupid. Name one thing we're gonna need it for. I don't know they just always need it. -I don't know they just always need it. "What is all this ""they"" shit? This ain't a movie." -Is that right, Rambo? All right, get the stupid fuckin' rope. -Nervous? A bit. -A bit. Me, too. -See. I told you there'd be a shaft. Just like on TV. -Where the fuck are you going? We'll find it. Just calm down. -We'll find it. Just calm down. No, fuck you. This rope is bullshit. I'm sweatin' my ass off draggin' this stupid thing around. Must weigh 30 pounds. -We're doing some serious shit here. Now, get a hold of yourself, asshole. Asshole!? I'm not the rope-totin' Charlie Bronson wanna-be that's getting' us lost! -Asshole!? I'm not the rope-totin' Charlie Bronson wanna-be that's getting' us lost! Sh, sh! Fuck you! -That was way easier than I thought. Aye. -Aye. On TV ya always get that asshole that jumps behind the couch. -On TV ya always get that asshole that jumps behind the couch. Yeah, and ya gotta shoot at him for ten minutes. -Yeah, and ya gotta shoot at him for ten minutes. Oh, we're good man. -Oh, we're good man. Yes, we are. -Nine bodies. Oh, you're good. What were you gonna do? Laugh the last three to death, funny man? -Mafiosos getting caught with 20 kilos and walkin' on bail the same day. Little girls catchin' stray bullets in their heads, playin' hopscotch in their front yards. And everyone thinks the same thing... Someone should just go kill those motherfuckers. -Little girls catchin' stray bullets in their heads, playin' hopscotch in their front yards. And everyone thinks the same thing... Someone should just go kill those motherfuckers. Kill em all. Admit it, even you've thought about it. -Where are you goin'? Did you tell him? Yes. -Yes. Then what the fuck? -Who did you kill? Holy shit. Who? How many? -So what do you think? I'm strangely comfortable with it. -We've teamed up with a sex offender. So, when are you getting a plastic fuck doll? -Give the guy a shot. Rocco, this is the real deal. We must kill without hesitation, without guilt or remorse. Evil man, dead man. -There he goes. Okay, gentlemen. Are we ready to bring this man into the light? Are we ready to truly do the work of the Lord? A-fuckin'-men! -"That's the guy that got us off the hook with the ""Checkov"" thing." And he is one smart man. -He isn't to be touched. He's a good man. -Now, you will receive us. We do not ask for your poor or your hungry. -We do not ask for your poor or your hungry. We do not want your tired and sick. -We do not want your tired and sick. It is your corrupt we claim. -It is your corrupt we claim. It is your evil, who will be sought by us. -It is your evil, who will be sought by us. With every breath we shall hunt them down. -With every breath we shall hunt them down. Each day we will spill their blood till it rains down from the skies. -Each day we will spill their blood till it rains down from the skies. Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace. -Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace. These are not polite suggestions. They are codes of behavior and those that ignore them will pay the dearest cost. -These are not polite suggestions. They are codes of behavior and those that ignore them will pay the dearest cost. There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth Not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption... into our domain. -There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth Not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption... into our domain. For if you do, there will come the day when you look behind you and see we three. And on that day you will reap it. -For if you do, there will come the day when you look behind you and see we three. And on that day you will reap it. And we will send you to whatever God you wish. -I prefer to be called Rozengurtle by men. Okay then... let's get ya started. -Okay, just cut off as much fat as you can as it goes by and the rule of thumb here is... Rule of thumb? -Rule of thumb? Yeah? -Yeah? Do you know where that term comes from? In the early 1900's it was legal for men to beat their wives as long as they used a stick no wider than their thumb. -I knew you two pricks would give me problems. Give me shit cause I'm a woman. I'm not gonna take your male dominance bullshit! Oh, come on now Rozengurtle. I was just tryin' ta get a rise outta ya. -Baumgartner sound Irish to you, fuck face? Now look Rozengurtle, we're sorry. Just relax. -Holy shit. You're the first one that's ever got that. Yeah, well... I'm an expert in name- ology. -And number three, Dolly. Uh... two shooters! -Uh... two shooters! Fan-fuckin-tastic! -So, what do we do now? That depends. You either do your job or get ethical. -She was in here when it went down. Can she I.D. them? -Can she I.D. them? They were wearing masks. -They were wearing masks. Of course they were. How many? -Of course they were. How many? Three. -Only two did the shooting. So what are you thinking, Russian retaliation? Nah, too quick half their infrastructure got taken out at the Copley plaza. Besides, if you're a hitter, you're either working for the Russians or the Italians. There's no riding the fence. Our little theory from last night just got blown to shit. Something... new is going on here. -Maybe the three of them had something in common. No. This guy is big time. These two are street-walking scum. -And it's the same story over here. Why the crossover? Theories. That's just fucking weird. I have no idea. -The shooter knew these guys, huh? How do you figure? -How do you figure? Friends, Gentlemen. They were friends. -No! Fuck you! You start getting excited! We gotta fucking go! Rocco! -What? Where's my cat? -Where's my cat? I killed your fuckin' cat, you druggie bitch! -I killed your fuckin' cat, you druggie bitch! You... oh god, why? -You... oh god, why? I felt it would bring closure to our relationship! -I felt it would bring closure to our relationship! You killed my... my... -Your what?! Your fuckin' what?! My, my... -My, my... Your what, bitch? I'll shoot myself in the head, you can tell me that cats name! Go ahead... Your what? Your precious little... -Your what, bitch? I'll shoot myself in the head, you can tell me that cats name! Go ahead... Your what? Your precious little... Pee...Per...Man. -Pee...Per...Man. Peeperman? WRONG? What color was it?!!! -Peeperman? WRONG? What color was it?!!! It was... It was... -It was... It was... Male or female, bitch?!! -So what are you thinkin' here? Really want to know? -So Duffy, got any theories to go with that... tie. These guys were pros. I think they were coming for one target, the fag man, he was the... -These guys were pros. I think they were coming for one target, the fag man, he was the... The what man? -The what man? The fat man. -The fat man. Well, Freud was right. So you think they came for the fag man, huh? And what do you base this upon? -Well, Freud was right. So you think they came for the fag man, huh? And what do you base this upon? He was the only one done right. Two in the back of the head. -He was the only one done right. Two in the back of the head. And the pennies? -And the pennies? New hitman wants to leave his mark -New hitman wants to leave his mark That's a possibility. Y'know you Boston cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Another possibility is that they were placed there with religious intent. -That's a possibility. Y'know you Boston cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Another possibility is that they were placed there with religious intent. Yeah. Some cultures still put pennies in the eyes of the dead, or silver. -Yeah. Some cultures still put pennies in the eyes of the dead, or silver. The Greeks. The Italians. -The Greeks. The Italians. The Sicilians. -The two bullets went in here, through the top of the skull, criss-crossed and exited through the eyeballs. This one clue tells us three distinct facts. Number one... Duffy. They shot him at a downward angle. They put him on his knees. -They shot him at a downward angle. They put him on his knees. Excellent! Number two. Greenly. -Now stay with me, boys. What did they do to make two such identical wounds? Did one guy put him on his knees, pop a cap in, sit him back up and shoot him again the same way? No. Two men of similar height dropped this guy down, each put some iron to his head and boom! That's all she fuckin' wrote! What about one guy with two guns? -What about one guy with two guns? Possible, but unlikely. The angles are too extreme. A guy holding two guns to the back of your head is gonna shoot straight ahead. He wouldn't cock out his elbows, makes no sense. Besides, you telling me one guy came in here and killed eight men with eight extremely well aimed shots in just a few seconds? No way. Had to be at least two. -Now, what is this going to look like to those who do not know what I just told you? It's gonna look like the bad guys are killing each other. -It's gonna look like the bad guys are killing each other. And is there an American, shit is there a man seated among us that hasn't thought about it many times, let's just put them all on an island, give them guns and let them kill each other. This is our wet dream come true. You can expect federal and local law enforcement to go only deep enough to satisfy the law, then bury it from here on out. -Allow me to enlighten you gentlemen to the protocol of the porno industry, as I'm sure you've never been in one of these places before. A man goes into the booth, puts the money in the slot. The dancer gets it on the other side. She hits the button, door goes up, now there is only glass between you and it's little fireman time. No way they could have seen it? -No way they could have seen it? Those doors were down... which means this. They looked down in through the peep hole, saw these guys and opened the doors from the inside. Pop, pop, pop, right through the glass. Why? -Jesus. I just can't think anymore. That scene over at the coffee shop today tapped me out. What? -What? A guy went nuts over off of Commonwealth today. Shot three guys to death in a coffee shop in broad daylight. Fled the scene. Don't have much on him. -A guy went nuts over off of Commonwealth today. Shot three guys to death in a coffee shop in broad daylight. Fled the scene. Don't have much on him. Why was I not informed of this? -These two fucking scenes are related. Too many coincidences. Same day? Five hours apart? Dead mobsters on both scenes. Now, why did he kill the bartender? Crime of passion. He just went nuts. He would have shot everyone in here. He just ran out of bullets. -Crime of passion. He just went nuts. He would have shot everyone in here. He just ran out of bullets. Duffy. This look like a fucking post office to you? This guy came in here with intent. Maybe he didn't know exactly what he was gonna do but he had a pretty good idea. The bartender wasn't a fucking accident. -Duffy. This look like a fucking post office to you? This guy came in here with intent. Maybe he didn't know exactly what he was gonna do but he had a pretty good idea. The bartender wasn't a fucking accident. Well, we didn't get any help on that. A lot of people saw it. Nobody's talking. -Well, we didn't get any help on that. A lot of people saw it. Nobody's talking. Fucking figures. Look, are you guys seeing the pattern here? We got big questions at both of these crime scenes, with no answers. WHY did they kill the guys in the other two booths? WHY did he do the bartender? It would seem unnecessary, even stupid. God, I hate cold crime scenes! I'm fucking leaving now. And do me a favor, tell me when the next guy dies, cause these guys are not done yet. -That's one big fuckin' shoe!... and think about it. Of all the ways to kill a guy, crushin' him to death. That's very particular. You don't get many of those. I dunno. I feel something big here. I wouldn't be surprised if we see more of these turning up. Brilliant. So now we got a Huge guy theory and Serial crusher theory. Top fucking notch. What's your name? -Brilliant. So now we got a Huge guy theory and Serial crusher theory. Top fucking notch. What's your name? Detective Greenly. Who the fuck are you? -Who the... Twist of lemon! -Twist of lemon! Chief, what the fuck is this? -Chief, what the fuck is this? Sweet-n-low! -He's struck again, hasn't he, Greenly? Why do you always disrespect me like that? -Why do you always disrespect me like that? Respect is earned, Greenly, never given. Guys like you should have to follow me around squabbling for the scraps from my table. -How many bodies, Greenly? Eight. -While Greenly's getting coffee, anybody else want anything? Shit! Shit! -Uh. Shit, I, uh... It tells us that he was the last to die. All these men Were carrying. They came in, dropped all in seconds and then took their time with fag man. Didn't they, Duffy?! They sure as fuck did! -After talking to the dancer we know that their mark was the guy in the middle booth. After she watches them whack him, she passes out. Why the two extra victims? Witness? -Witness? No way they could have seen it. -They weren't related. The guy used a 38. No pennies. Totally amateur. Who were the victims? -Who were the victims? A couple of peons for the mob and... -A couple of peons for the mob and... Oh that's just BEAUTIFUL! All the scumbags in the quiet city of Boston start dropping dead and you think it's unrelated?! Greenly, the day I want the Boston Police doing my thinking for me, I will have a fucking tag on my toe! Now, get me a squad car and get me over there. I want the crime scene photos and any witness statements. NOW! -What if it was just one guy with six guns? Why don't you let me do the thinking, huh, genius? -What the...? I got it ta my head now. I got it ta my head now. -Oh my god! I... -Oh, she's quite proud of herself. Okay, seriously, both you listen ta me now. -It's only 11:00 here boys so I got lot's more drinkin' ta do with your worthless relatives down at the Anvil. Just called ta torture us did ya? -But he's been havin' himself a nip or two as well... Been up the waitress' skirt all night, poor girl. Well you tell him ta take it easy with that. He's gotta learn ta respect women the way Connor does. -Promise me boys. We promise. -Right now. Don't kill me. Oh shit, please no. I'm Rocco. I'm the funny man!... the funny man... the funny. -This is some heavy shit. This is like Lone Ranger-heavy man. Fuck it! There's so much shit that pisses me off. You guys should recruit 'cause I am sick and fuckin' tired of walkin' down the street waitin' for one of these assholes to get me, y'know? Hallelujah, Jaffar. -Hallelujah, Jaffar. So you're not just talkin' mob guys. You're talkin' anyone, right? Even like pimps and drug dealers and all that shit? -Well fuck, you guys could do this every day. We're like 7-Eleven. We ain't always doing business, but we're always open. -You fuckin' guys. You ruined me. I'm fuckin' done. Permanent package boy. Who says that? You could take credit on it. -Who says that? You could take credit on it. What are you serious? -What are you serious? Yeah, fuck it. If you think about it, it's all you can do really. You can't tell him it was us. Go in braggin' and shit. -Hey. You don't know that shit for sure. Oh, Jesus. You're such a fuckin' retard! -Oh, Jesus. You're such a fuckin' retard! Fuck you! -Fuck you! Use your brain for once. Is it so unbelievable they don't care about you? You are fuckin' dead, you go in there today. Dead! -Use your brain for once. Is it so unbelievable they don't care about you? You are fuckin' dead, you go in there today. Dead! Oh yeah. You two fuckin' Micks know what's going on, huh? Fuck you! -Fuck it! What kind of flowers ya want at your funeral? Ya dumb Wop. This is the last time I'll see you. Bye-bye ya stupid son of a bitch. I'll be back at 9:00. -Hello? Hey Murph. -Hey Murph. Roc. You okay? -Roc. You okay? Yeah. Anybody call for me? -Yeah. Anybody call for me? No. You sure you're okay? -No. You sure you're okay? I'm fuckin' fine. Catch you on the flip side. -Hello? Hey, Murph. -Hey, Murph. Roc. You okay? -Roc. You okay? Yeah. Anybody call for me? -Yeah. Anybody call for me? No. You sure you're okay? -No. You sure you're okay? I'm fuckin' fine. Catch you on the flip side. -Hurry the fuck up! This is some crazy shit, man! -This is some crazy shit, man! Those cocksuckers sold me out! -Those rat fucks! All of them were all laughing at me man! You sure you killed them? -Liberating isn't it? Y'know it is, a bit. -Vincenzo, that fat motherfucker, Yakavetta's right hand. He's the one who set me up. Then he went around shooting his mouth off, telling everyone I was as good as dead. He goes in there every Wednesday night around 10:00, he jerks off in the same booth to the same titty dancer. Never misses. So? -So? So let's kill the motherfucker. I mean, what are you guys... like that's your new thing right? -Well, truth be known, those first ones just kinda fell into our laps. Well, what'ya do? -You look like Mush Mouth from Fat Albert. Fine! Fuck it! When we're done she can I.D. me. I don't care. Just tryin' to be professional, but no... -Worst day of my life, man. Well, I'm sold. -Well he sure as fuck knew you! Fuck you both! Ya ask me, he was aiming at you! -Shit!... Shit! He ain't here. What the fuck do you mean? -What the fuck do you mean? I mean he ain't here. -You bet your ass he will. Well, I'd say that makes him a lia- fuckin-bility. -Hey! We gotta talk about this early morning church shit. We have to go now. We're on the lamb. -We'll keep going, Roc. You'll make it outta here. You can't ever stop, not ever. -Hello? You there? Y-Yes my son. -Why have you come to a church for council if you're not religious? Why have I come to a church? I never have before. I guess I just... felt I should. -Why have I come to a church? I never have before. I guess I just... felt I should. What is it my son? -What is it my son? It's ethics. I put evil men behind bars, but the law has miles of red tape and loopholes for these... cocksuckers to slip through. I've found out there are these two young men who fix the situation with an iron fist. As if they have God's permission. But what they do is wrong and I should arrest them... technically. -It's ethics. I put evil men behind bars, but the law has miles of red tape and loopholes for these... cocksuckers to slip through. I've found out there are these two young men who fix the situation with an iron fist. As if they have God's permission. But what they do is wrong and I should arrest them... technically. God's permission? God doesn't... -But in this day and age I believe what they do is... necessary. I feel it is... correct. You believe? -You believe? Yes. -Yes. You feel? -You feel? Yes. -Yes. You feel? A soul is what gives you feelings. Happiness, guilt, right or wrong. It is a conduit through which the Lord speaks to us. You felt that your answers would be here in the house of God today. You feel these men are necessary. The Lord has spoken to you twice this day. -Has he now? You have entered the house of the Lord of your own free will speaking of beliefs and feelings. Is it so much to believe that God has brought you here? -You have entered the house of the Lord of your own free will speaking of beliefs and feelings. Is it so much to believe that God has brought you here? I guess not. -I guess not. It is easy to be sarcastic about religion. It is harder to take small hints from God, your feelings and listen to them... to take a stand. -You're right. Those who do not act are in a constant state of ethical indecision. -Those who do not act are in a constant state of ethical indecision. I want to stand for what I believe in, father. -I want to stand for what I believe in, father. Then you must find out what your beliefs are. -Then you must find out what your beliefs are. I believe these young men are right. -I believe these young men are right. You know them personally? -You know them personally? Yes. -Yes. Do you think they would harm an innocent man, for any reason? -Do you think they would harm an innocent man, for any reason? No. They would never do that. -The laws of God are higher than the laws of man. Yes! Yes! I was thinking that, too. No. I was feeling it. All I needed was to hear you say it! Amen! I'll help them. -Yes! Yes! I was thinking that, too. No. I was feeling it. All I needed was to hear you say it! Amen! I'll help them. Forgive me father. -Forgive me father. Thank you, Father, thank you. Whatever. Goodbye, amen. -You gonna do what I say, got it? Yes. -Yes. I'm sorry you're gonna hafta see this. Don't look at me! -I'm sorry you're gonna hafta see this. Don't look at me! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't see. -I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't see. Shut up! Shut the fuck up! -Don't do this my son. Open it! -Open it! Have you no fear of God? -Have you no fear of God? That's who I'm doing this for, now open the fuckin' thing. -Father, I'll do you right here. God have mercy on my soul. -Do your thing Father. Don't fuck this up. What do you want me to say? -What do you want me to say? Just be natural, goddamit. -Just be natural, goddamit. How long since your last confession, my son? -I wouldn't have, uh, killed you, Father. Dominus Ominus. Remember, you're bound. You can't talk about this... to anyone. Just go! -Poppa Joe, you want me to go now? Yeah. Thanks, Rocco. See ya. -Hey, Rocco, wait. Come back here. Yeah boss? -I always see you talking to the boys and making them laugh. They always come around telling me what a crack up you are. What is it they call you? The... The funny man. -The... The funny man. The funny man. Well, I got a new job for you, just for now. Roc, I'm having a real shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny story or a joke. -The funny man. Well, I got a new job for you, just for now. Roc, I'm having a real shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny story or a joke. Uh. Okay... um... you hear the one about the, no fuck that one... uh... oh! oh! Well... shit. Okay, there's a white guy. He's walkin' along the beach and he finds a, a pot, y'know and ah, he rubs it and this genie pops out. But this genie, he's a ni... he's a black guy. -Uh. Okay... um... you hear the one about the, no fuck that one... uh... oh! oh! Well... shit. Okay, there's a white guy. He's walkin' along the beach and he finds a, a pot, y'know and ah, he rubs it and this genie pops out. But this genie, he's a ni... he's a black guy. He's a nigger. -He's a nigger. "Yeah. And uh, he's pissed off. He says, ""Why you crackers always gotta find my mother fuckin' pot? And he tells him he's gonna grant all his three wishes but he's gonna give all the black guys..." -Continue the joke. "He says, ""What's your third wish?"" And the guys says, ""I-I want you to beat me half to death.""" -Well, it's the funny man. Give it here, package boy. Joey Bevo said it was important. Said I had to give it to him myself. -Joey Bevo said it was important. Said I had to give it to him myself. Gimme the fuckin' thing. Now sit the fuck down! -I'm Rocco. I'm the funny man. Heee Hee. I'm so fuckin' funny. Hee Hee. Fuck you Vincenzo. -Fuck you Vincenzo. Tell me a joke funny man. Hee Hee. -Tell me a joke funny man. Hee Hee. I caught your show down at the velvet room at the Holiday Inn, loved it when you busted into Viva Las Vegas. -What color hair does he have? Black hair. Paul Michael Glaser. -Black hair. Paul Michael Glaser. Making Hutch David Soul? -Making Hutch David Soul? Right. The blond guy. -Right. The blond guy. OK. That's wrong. -OK. That's wrong. Dignan, it's -- -Dignan, it's -- Plus where's Huggie Bear? -Plus where's Huggie Bear? He's not there. Huggie Bear isn't in every single episode. -He's not there. Huggie Bear isn't in every single episode. I think you might of dreamed this one, Anthony. -I think you might of dreamed this one, Anthony. No. It's a real episode. The killer is leading him across the city by calling different pay phones. -Why? As part of his plan. I don't know why. -As part of his plan. I don't know why. See, that's what I'm saying. It has the logic of a dream. -See, that's what I'm saying. It has the logic of a dream. The point is the killer always goes, May I speak to Starsky? He says his name. -The point is the killer always goes, May I speak to Starsky? He says his name. What does Starsky say? -What does Starsky say? He says. This is he. -He says. This is he. This is he? -This is he? No. This is he. -Did you see what I meant about the window? Kind of. Except we've already got the keys. -Kind of. Except we've already got the keys. That's true. But what if they change the locks? -That's true. But what if they change the locks? Would they do that? -Would they do that? Who knows? That's why I filed it down. -Now that window can never be locked. It's impossible. See, your mind is very good with the more mechanical details. Whereas my strength would be -- -She's really kind of hot. She's an attractive older woman. -It's got a V-8, Dignan. What do you think the cops have? -Anthony, we'll get two hundred for the coin collection alone. That's less than what it's appraised at. But Dignan, do you really know that much about rare coins? -But Dignan, do you really know that much about rare coins? I know about money, Anthony. I know the value of money. Plus the earrings are worth three times that. -"The list, Dignan. I know you remember the list because you signed it. ""Things Dignan was not supposed to touch.""" Every valuable item in the house was on that list. -Every valuable item in the house was on that list. That doesn't make any difference. I bought those earrings for my mother on her birthday. They have a very special value for her. -That doesn't make any difference. I bought those earrings for my mother on her birthday. They have a very special value for her. Yeah, but I can't be sorting through that shit in the middle of a burglary. There's just not time for it. -Yeah, but I can't be sorting through that shit in the middle of a burglary. There's just not time for it. Then you shouldn't of gone in there, Dignan. Maybe we should of robbed your house. Did you ever think of that? -Where are you going? I don't appreciate you ridiculing me. -I don't appreciate you ridiculing me. How was I ridiculing you? -How was I ridiculing you? You're making fun of my family. You know there's nothing to steal from my mom and Craig. You know exactly what you're saying. -You're making fun of my family. You know there's nothing to steal from my mom and Craig. You know exactly what you're saying. That's not what I meant, Dignan. -Did you see that? Yeah, I saw it. -Yeah, I saw it. I'm lookout. -I'm lookout. Dignan, it's got an alarm. -Dignan, it's got an alarm. I don't think so. Just reach on in. -I don't think so. Just reach on in. That sets it off. -That sets it off. No, just do it real quick. I'll meet you down there. -It had an alarm. Yeah, I heard that. -Yeah, I heard that. Five, seven, eight dollars. -Holy shit. What'd I tell you? Eight dollars. -Eight dollars. That's not bad. -But he didn't say anything. Hang on a second. -Is it back in? Yeah. -Loop around real fast. Just turn right here. -OK. Escape route. The most important thing you can have is an escape route. Just in case somebody's tailing us. Or even chasing us, as the case may be -- You think we're going to be chased? -You think we're going to be chased? That's a good question. No. I don't. I'm just being hypocritical here. However, I will say -- -Now. One thing we need to discuss is timing. Timing is absolutely crucial. What are you doing? Anthony! Nothing. Go ahead. -Anthony, give me the fucking gun! No, Dignan. It's not your gun. It's all of ours. -Dignan, calm down. You're out! I'm not working with either one of you! -You're out! I'm not working with either one of you! Dignan! Stop! -Calm down. Take a deep breath. You're right. You're right. -Where's the manager? Where's the other stocker? -Where's the other stocker? There's another stocker, right? -There's another stocker, right? We know there's another stocker. -Is that the manager? Unlock that door. Check the aisles. -Holy shit. We got it. We got it. -What about what that guy said? Oh, shit. That was scary. In the middle of the robbery. The manager looks at me. Right in the eye. And goes, I'm going to remember you. -I swear to God. In a very quiet voice. Like he meant it. -Like he meant it. Yeah. -Yeah. Like he would find Dignan. One day. -Like he would find Dignan. One day. Like I'm going to hunt you down and kill you. -What's wrong with him? What do you think? -What do you think? Anthony, he sat in the car and watched a 4-11 in progress. He got what he deserved. -Anthony, he sat in the car and watched a 4-11 in progress. He got what he deserved. He was the driver, Dignan. He did what he's supposed to do. -He was the driver, Dignan. He did what he's supposed to do. I didn't realize you were so sensitive to Bob's feelings. Considering I did the plans, you're actually lucky you got -- -I didn't realize you were so sensitive to Bob's feelings. Considering I did the plans, you're actually lucky you got -- Don't even say it, man. -Can I get that credit card from you? I don't like to use that credit card, Dignan. -I don't like to use that credit card, Dignan. Why not? -Why not? Because my mom gets the bill. -Because my mom gets the bill. She's not going to notice, Anthony. -She's not going to notice, Anthony. I don't want to use it. -I don't want to use it. Well, then cut it in half. -Well, then cut it in half. I keep it for emergencies. -I keep it for emergencies. Anthony, we're on the run. This is an emergency. It's only fair that... -See if mine are in there. Dignan, those aren't running shoes. -Dignan, those aren't running shoes. Yes, they are. -Yes, they are. Look at the treads on those. -Look at the treads on those. What about them? -What about them? They obviously weren't designed for racing. -They obviously weren't designed for racing. Well, those treads stink. You'd blow a knee out racing on those. -Really. OK, Dad. But seriously, Anthony. These are fast shoes. You've never had a pair of fast shoes in your life, Dignan. In fifth grade Dignan used to wear cowboy boots for P.E. -You've never had a pair of fast shoes in your life, Dignan. In fifth grade Dignan used to wear cowboy boots for P.E. That's real cool, Anthony. Yeah, I wore boots. My parents wouldn't buy me any $200 running shoes like yours. I wasn't spoiled. -That's real cool, Anthony. Yeah, I wore boots. My parents wouldn't buy me any $200 running shoes like yours. I wasn't spoiled. Don't call me spoiled, Dignan. -Don't call me spoiled, Dignan. You were spoiled rotten. -I'll just say it. I'll say it. -I'll say it. OK. Go ahead. -OK. Go ahead. On your marks... Get set go. -You owe me fifty bucks. Bob? -Look, man. She didn't know anything about shirts. No, I'm not saying her. I'm just saying, I don't know. -No, I'm not saying her. I'm just saying, I don't know. It's a great shirt. Don't worry about it. -Armored trucks are very difficult to steal, Anthony. I know. But once you get inside you're home free. -I know. But once you get inside you're home free. Right. Get back to me on that one. Once your plan is worth a shit. -Right. Get back to me on that one. Once your plan is worth a shit. It's not a plan. It's just -- -It's not a plan. It's just -- Actually. If you knew the exact route, you could plant explosives under a manhole cover and blow it up as it went over. -Actually. If you knew the exact route, you could plant explosives under a manhole cover and blow it up as it went over. Yeah, but you wouldn't have the truck if you blew it up. -Yeah, but you wouldn't have the truck if you blew it up. True. -Dignan, I can't get my hair cut. That's just not possible, all right? Then you're going to have to dye it, Anthony. We've got to hide our identities. Especially after Bob crashed the car. -No, Dignan. I'm sorry. I can't do that. Even if it's the difference between some trooper recognizing us and throwing us in prison or not? -I thought you guys went to get your hair cut. No. We didn't. -This is Inez. Carmen. Anita. Hi. -Hi. Inez, this is -- -Inez, this is -- Jerry. And this is my associate Cornelius. -May I have a word with you, please? Sure. -What the fuck is going on here? What. What's the matter? -What. What's the matter? Anthony, we're on the run from the law here. Did you tell these people your real name? -Anthony, we're on the run from the law here. Did you tell these people your real name? No. I didn't. Dignan, they don't speak English. -No. I didn't. Dignan, they don't speak English. They don't? -They don't? No. Not really. Inez speaks a little. -No. Not really. Inez speaks a little. Which one was that? -Which one was that? On the left. -She's from Cuba. No kidding. -He needs to hire an attorney. No, no. Look. OK. Let's stay here until we find out what's going on. -Now that makes sense. We'll hang out for a couple of days. Get a little R&R. Make sure Future Man's OK and then get back on the road. As long as he gets out OK. -As long as he gets out OK. Obviously. That's a given. -Obviously. That's a given. Bob? -See, now we've got a plan. Don't worry about it, Bob. -See, one day we were playing hot box over at my next door neighbor Mr. Langston's house and Anthony fell in the pool and got knocked unconscious. I had to dive in and save him. This was in fourth grade. -This was in fourth grade. Mr. Langston performed cardiopulmonary recitation. CPR. I've never said this before, but frankly I thought Anthony was dead. The veins in his face were all sticking out. His skin was blue. He truly did look dead. -Mr. Langston performed cardiopulmonary recitation. CPR. I've never said this before, but frankly I thought Anthony was dead. The veins in his face were all sticking out. His skin was blue. He truly did look dead. After that my parents never let me go to Dignan's again. -After that my parents never let me go to Dignan's again. They blamed my family for everything. They always said Mr. Langston saved Anthony's life. -But if it wasn't for Dignan I probably would of died. Yes... It's true. -He's gone. He stole the car. Where was it parked? -Where was it parked? Right here. -That coward. Son of a bitch. Maybe he just went to the store. -Maybe he just went to the store. He took his stuff. He's gone. I should of seen this. I should of expected it. Bob doesn't have any character. -He went back for his brother. We said 48 hours. -We said 48 hours. That's a long time to be in jail. -When'd he tell you? This morning. -This morning. Where was I? -Where was I? You were asleep. -You were asleep. He told you and you let him do it. -He told you and you let him do it. He told me because he wanted to know if I wanted to go. -He told me because he wanted to know if I wanted to go. If you wanted to go? What were you going to do? Just leave me here by myself? -If you wanted to go? What were you going to do? Just leave me here by myself? Well, I didn't do it, did I? -Well, I didn't do it, did I? So when you were saying Bob's at the store and acting real surprised, that was just an act. You were just -- -So when you were saying Bob's at the store and acting real surprised, that was just an act. You were just -- Bob went to help his brother. I understand that and I can't help it if you don't. -Bob went to help his brother. I understand that and I can't help it if you don't. I understand that if I had a few more friends like you and Bob I'd be dead. -I understand that if I had a few more friends like you and Bob I'd be dead. If you say so. -If you'd gone with Bob you'd probably be in Weatherford by now. Of course I'd be here frantically worrying thinking you must of got kidnapped. I didn't realize you had such an incredible ability to feel sorry for yourself, Dignan. -I didn't realize you had such an incredible ability to feel sorry for yourself, Dignan. Well, the world is a little bit colder today. -We're going over to this bar if you feel like going. No. I'm going to swim. I'll see you later. -Why don't you come with us. OK. -I can't believe he just jumped you. Can you hand me those french fries. -I wish I'd been there. Would of been nice. -Man. I'm sorry. We just went for a walk -- I don't really feel like talking about it. The only thing I feel like is getting the fuck out of this place. -I don't really feel like talking about it. The only thing I feel like is getting the fuck out of this place. We need a car. -I have an idea for that. What? -What? Inez has a master key to all these rooms, doesn't she? Doesn't she? -Inez has a master key to all these rooms, doesn't she? Doesn't she? I don't think we can do that. -I don't think we can do that. I know we can. It's real simple. We go into a room, grab some car keys and -- -I know we can. It's real simple. We go into a room, grab some car keys and -- What I'm saying is she wouldn't go for that. -What I'm saying is she wouldn't go for that. She doesn't need to know. -She doesn't need to know. I don't know, Dignan. I just -- -I don't know, Dignan. I just -- Look. I'm ready to get the fuck out of here. It's real torture for me to be here. Getting the shit kicked out of me by Mexicans. -Look. I'm ready to get the fuck out of here. It's real torture for me to be here. Getting the shit kicked out of me by Mexicans. Shh. -Shh. No one to back me up. Now I have a good idea. So unless you come up with something better -- -No one to back me up. Now I have a good idea. So unless you come up with something better -- Dignan. I can't do that. All right? I just can't. -I don't think we need any keys, Dignan. I think I can hotwire a car for us. You don't know how to hotwire. -You don't know how to hotwire. Yes, I do. Bob taught me. -Yes, I do. Bob taught me. Bob taught you how to get electrocuted. -Bob taught you how to get electrocuted. No, I'm serious. He made me a diagram. -I think we better go home. Don't panic, Anthony. -Don't panic, Anthony. I'm not. But there's -- -I'm not. But there's -- You can't just run home every time things get tough. First of all, we've got enough dough to -- -You can't just run home every time things get tough. First of all, we've got enough dough to -- Our money situation is not good. -Our money situation is not good. "You're so spoiled. What is ""not good"" to you? Only a few hundred --" -"You're so spoiled. What is ""not good"" to you? Only a few hundred --" We've got sixteen dollars. -We've got sixteen dollars. That's not correct. -Sixteen dollars. I know. -I know. Where's the rest? -I had to give some to Inez. How much? -How much? $383. -You gave $383 to the goddamn housekeeper! What the fuck is your problem? She needed it. -She needed it. A $500 tip! For the housekeeper! -A $500 tip! For the housekeeper! Her name's Inez. Stop calling her the housekeeper. -Her name's Inez. Stop calling her the housekeeper. That's what she is! -That's what she is! I know that. But -- -I know that. But -- You're in love with the fucking housekeeper! -You're in love with the fucking housekeeper! Shut up! -Shut up! What are you going to do, get married? Have a bunch of little idiot janitor brats! And go around scrubbing the -- -When'd you get back? Ah. Couple days ago. -Who's in the car? That's Applejack. You want to meet him? -That's Applejack. You want to meet him? Sure. -Applejack would of got him anyway. This was just the quicker way. You really hit a guy with a bottle? -I want you to look at this. What is it? -What is it? It's big, Anthony. Real big. It's called Hinckley Cold Storage. -It's big, Anthony. Real big. It's called Hinckley Cold Storage. What's Hinckley Cold Storage? -Mr. Henry has an inside source. We call him Steve. That's where we get our information. Who's Mr. Henry? -Who's Mr. Henry? You'll meet him this afternoon. He's helping us set it up. -What exactly is this place? Freezers? Right. Freezers. Imported foods. -What time did he say to be here? Right now. -You could give somebody a concussion. Let me feel that. -What do you think? He seems pretty good. -Dignan. Take it easy. Bob! -He doesn't want to fight. Get out of the way. -Get out of the way. No, Dignan. This isn't -- -No fighting. It wasn't Bob's fault. Easy, Dignan. It's OK. -Shit, Dignan. What the fuck are we doing out here? -What the fuck are we doing out here? I don't know, Dignan. You went crazy. -I don't know, Dignan. You went crazy. I'm sorry, Bob. -OK. Man in blue jeans just left by southwest door. He is entering a white van. What time is it? Eleven fifteen. -Eleven fifteen. OK. Mark that down. -OK. Mark that down. I did. -God. Isn't this great? Working on the job. Got a wheel man. Got a safecracker. Good friends with Mr. Henry. Yeah. It's pretty good. -Yeah. It's pretty good. It's like we've finally arrived. -Next week we'll be drinking piña coladas. Hopefully this trip'll go a little smoother than the last one. -Or I might end up with a broken nose. Did that hurt? -I'll try not to hold you back tomorrow. I don't think you will. -I don't think you will. I don't want to be too much of a liability. -I don't want to be too much of a liability. Look, you're going to do fine. It's OK to be scared. -Look, you're going to do fine. It's OK to be scared. I don't think I ever said this to you. But it meant a lot to me the way you were after that Swifty stuff happened. -He was a nice guy. He was all right. -Do you like Inez? As a person? -As a person? Yeah. As a girl. -Yeah. As a girl. Yes. I do. -Yes. I do. So do I. -Bird Dog to Scarecrow. Bird Dog to Scarecrow. Go ahead, Bird Dog. -Go ahead, Bird Dog. You're all clear. -You're all clear. Roger. -Roger. We all set? -We all set? Hang on a second. -Uh-huh? Take your second position. -Take your second position. OK. Roger. -I'm in position, Scarecrow. Any activity? -Any activity? Not at all. The place is totally deserted. -Not at all. The place is totally deserted. Good. It's supposed to be. -Good. It's supposed to be. I've got a great view up here. I can see all the -- -I've got a great view up here. I can see all the -- Stand by, Bird Dog. -I don't know. Check the fucking elevator. It's moving. -What's happening? What's going on? It was Bob. His walkie talkie's busted. -Who did that? What the fuck is that? It's going back down. -It's going back down. Applejack! What's happening? -Freeze! Nobody move! -Nobody move! Get against the wall! -Help me move him. Careful. Check his pulse. -Who tripped the alarm? It's the fire alarm. Somebody pulled the fire alarm. -It's the fire alarm. Somebody pulled the fire alarm. Where's Kumar? -Where's Kumar? I don't know. -I don't know. Jesus Christ, Anthony. Did you lose him? -What are you doing? Let's go. Come on. -Wait for Kumar. Come on, Kumar. -You're kidding. Applejack's stuck in the elevator? -Come on. I'll see you there. -I'll see you there. What? -What? I'll see you there. -I'll see you there. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I'll get him. -I'll get him. There's not enough time. -There's not enough time. Yes, there is. Let's get organized. -Dignan, it's too late. I don't think so. -Like amnesia. Can't remember shit. CRS. -So is Mr. Henry going to come by and see me or anything? I don't think so. I mean. Actually, he robbed Bob's house. -I don't think so. I mean. Actually, he robbed Bob's house. He did? -He did? Yeah. -Yeah. You got to be kidding me. -You got to be kidding me. I'm not kidding. -I'm not kidding. What'd he get? -What'd he get? Pretty much everything. -Pretty much everything. The grandfather clock? -You think Applejack knew? We haven't heard from Applejack since he got out of the hospital. His case got dismissed. -Why? We're not sure. -Mr. Henry never gave you a test, did he? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Nothing. -You're living on a sailboat? It belongs to Bob's uncle. -It belongs to Bob's uncle. How big is it? -How big is it? Oh, I'd say about -- -Where? Behind Bob's house. -Does it float? We're not sure yet. It's going to need some repairs. -So how is it in there? What can I say? It's jail. You don't sleep when you want to. You don't eat when you want to. -What's he in for? He stole a tractor. -I think I may have found a way out of here. You're kidding. -You're kidding. No. I'm not. -No. I'm not. How? -How? Shhh. Wait for my instructions. -Shhh. Wait for my instructions. Dignan, I -- -When we go through the next gate you'll have 30 seconds to take out the tower guard. What? -What? Have the car running at the north- west checkpoint. Bob and I'll -- -Have the car running at the north- west checkpoint. Bob and I'll -- Dignan, I -- -Scale the barricade and tunnel through no man's land. And Bob. Remember: Scale the -- -Scale the -- Shield me from the bullets. They won't shoot civilians. Ready? -This is my business manager, Rowboat. Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. That's a sharp jacket. -That's a sharp jacket. Thanks. -It's hard to get much spin with this kind of paddle. It's called a racquet, Anthony, and you're holding it wrong. That's ghetto play. Hold it like this. -You know, your form is for shit, but you've got a hell of a talent. Thanks. -Every once in a while some cat comes to me. He wants to know how I made it. How did I become a success? The first thing I tell them is: follow your instincts. Let your instincts guide you. The second thing I tell them is, for Christ's sake: you got to know your grammar. Grammar. -You mean like techniques? Technique. That's right. Seventy- five percent of your job is crowd control. Seventy-five percent. Do you believe that? -I'd like to live in that place. Hinckley Cold Storage. Yeah. Convert it into lofts. OK. Pop quiz. What's the single most important aspect of your job? -You mean a safecracker? Yeah. And I'll tell you who we're going to want: Kumar Banijamali. -Look at that woman. She's what? Fifty? Fifty-five? But she hasn't let herself go. I appreciate an older woman who has a commitment to her body. So do I. -Tell me something. What the hell kind of name is Dignan? I'm not really sure. I think it's Irish. Or maybe -- -I'm not really sure. I think it's Irish. Or maybe -- I guess what I'm trying to say is what the hell kind of person is this Dignan? -I guess what I'm trying to say is what the hell kind of person is this Dignan? What do you mean what kind of person? He's a good person. -What do you mean what kind of person? He's a good person. Sure, sure. He's a great person, and I'd call bullshit on anybody who said differently. But I wonder if the kid has the goods up here. -Sure, sure. He's a great person, and I'd call bullshit on anybody who said differently. But I wonder if the kid has the goods up here. I don't think you're giving him enough credit. I know sometimes he doesn't think an idea through. He gets too excited. But -- -I don't think you're giving him enough credit. I know sometimes he doesn't think an idea through. He gets too excited. But -- As far as I can tell he hasn't thought his life through. He'd be fine cutting my grass or parking my car. But business? You I can work with. You I could groom. Dignan's not going to make it. -And you're wrong if you think, I'd turn my back on a friend. Hold it. -Congratulations. You passed the test. What do you mean? -What do you mean? The Abe Henry double-cross test. You just made a perfect score. -That was a test? Take a deep breath. -How does that feel? It feels good. -Did Dignan take the test? Yes, he did. -Yes, he did. How'd he do? -Well, he agreed 100% that Bob should be dropped. And he also agreed you were a liability. But he felt his talent would make up for your weaknesses. That sounds like Dignan. -I'll tell you, Anthony. Times like this I get philosophical. What does it mean? What's it all about? Are you afraid to die? Me? -Me? No, that door over there. -No, that door over there. I don't want to die. -I don't want to die. Are you afraid? -Are you afraid? Yeah. I mean, I don't think about it all the time. But once in awhile I kind of go, Woah. Man. -Yeah. I mean, I don't think about it all the time. But once in awhile I kind of go, Woah. Man. Exactly. Woah. -Exactly. Woah. Death. -Death. The fear of death, The pain of consciousness. Did you mix this martini? -The fear of death, The pain of consciousness. Did you mix this martini? No. Bob did. -No. Bob did. Bob. Bob. That's a palindrome. I love palindromes. -Bob. Bob. That's a palindrome. I love palindromes. Are you afraid to die, Mr. Henry? -Are you afraid to die, Mr. Henry? Anthony, I'm petrified. -This is good. I want to ask a favor, boys. One day, when I'm long gone and all but forgotten, make one last toast to Abe Henry. And remember me as a friend. -But you're thieves. It's what you are. Yeah. -Yeah. It's an esoteric journey. -We're renegades from despair. Can I ask you something, Mr. Henry? -Can I ask you something, Mr. Henry? Absolutely. -Absolutely. Why'd you want to help us? -Why'd you want to help us? Because I was like you once. And there was no one there to help me. -Future Man. Who? -Who? Future Man. You know. Cause he looks like he's from the future. -Did you ever steal a car before? Yeah. I've stolen two cars before. One Jaguar. And one Trans-Am. With T- Tops. That Trans-Am was fun to drive. -What do herbs have to do with it? I don't understand the -- Pot is an herb. It's just like any type of gardening. -In your backyard? How do you protect them? It's private property. Plus I have Hector. -It's private property. Plus I have Hector. Hector woudn't do anything. -Hector woudn't do anything. But he's got a loud bark. That's the most important thing is a loud bark. -Could you grow cinnamon? I don't know. Sure, I guess. -I don't know. Sure, I guess. You could make your own cinnamon toast. -Let them fight. Let them fight. -Are you serious? Yeah. He said that. -See you. See you, Bob. -You'll probably have them the rest of your life. What was that? -What the fuck is Dignan doing with that cop? He loves them. There's a million places to hide around here. -There's a million places to hide around here. Oh, yeah. They'll never catch the guy. -Oh, yeah. They'll never catch the guy. I hope not. -I hope not. Phil probably provoked him. Where's he going? -Where you going? Move. -Why don't you just tell them the truth. Those belong to my neighbor Phil. I don't know. I personally don't need that shit in my life right now. -I don't know. I personally don't need that shit in my life right now. Nobody does. -Will you guys shut up? God. It's like having two little kids in the car. OK, Dad. -You think he got my license plates? He looked too shaken-up. -How long are they going to hold him? I don't know. I don't know anything. Except Phil says they got him. And he's in jail. -Anthony, I -- And if Future Man doesn't get let out of jail in 48 hours, then we go back. All right? -What? Is that OK? -Bob, where you going? I'm not playing any more golf. -I'm not playing any more golf. Why not? -Why not? Cause I'm not getting any better. It's a waste of time. -Cause I'm not getting any better. It's a waste of time. You've only been playing for two weeks, Bob. It takes a long time to learn this game. -You've only been playing for two weeks, Bob. It takes a long time to learn this game. You think I'm improving? -You think I'm improving? Yes. You just got to stick with it. -You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. No, I don't mind. -No, I don't mind. I know it must of been a bad experience. But it doesn't sound like it was your fault. -I know it must of been a bad experience. But it doesn't sound like it was your fault. Well, I didn't mean to electrocute him. But the whole operation was my idea. -It took six months of research. I did all the wiring myself. Switched AC to DC. Doubled the voltage. Shorted out the generator. The whole school was shut down. That's pretty complicated for a senior prank. -That's pretty complicated for a senior prank. I don't like that word prank, Bob. I was trying to do something more than a prank. -At first they were going to charge me with manslaughter. That's partly why I was in custody so long. Sixty days. Sixty days? -Sixty days? Yeah. One minute you're studying Great Expectations and the next minute you're drawing the Holy Mary for some kid who tried to stab his girlfriend. -Yeah. One minute you're studying Great Expectations and the next minute you're drawing the Holy Mary for some kid who tried to stab his girlfriend. Why were you drawing the Holy Mary? -Why were you drawing the Holy Mary? Prison tatoos. I got to be pretty good. It's not like drawing on paper. -I thought he didn't have to pay anything because of the technicality. Yeah, but he still has the aggravation. Three days sitting in a cell. -Yeah, but he still has the aggravation. Three days sitting in a cell. Were you adopted, Bob? -Were you adopted, Bob? Why do you say that? -Why do you say that? Well, because you guys don't look alike. -Well, because you guys don't look alike. No. I wasn't adopted. -Was Future Man adopted? Jesus Christ! No. -Let's not even talk about it. It was stupid. -Yeah. Let's keep it -- Cause you would of let my brother rot in jail. -Give him a second. Hopscotch. The code name is hopscotch. -You OK, Bob? No, I'm having a heart attack. Of course, I'm OK. What's that supposed to mean? -No, I'm having a heart attack. Of course, I'm OK. What's that supposed to mean? Nothing. I was just asking. -No, I know. I'm just saying. I feel fine. You want a piece of cake? Sure. -What are you doing? My walkie talkie's busted. I can't tell what's going on. -My walkie talkie's busted. I can't tell what's going on. Let me see it. Did you drop it? -Let me see it. Did you drop it? No. -Jesus, Bob. I didn't do anything. -Yeah. Who's got the car keys? -We think Mr. Henry maybe -- His health isn't very good, you know. They take that into account. -It's in the driveway. Temporarily. -How do you say nineteen? Dies y nueve. -Dies y nueve. Right. Yeah. Yo soy dies y nueve. How old are you? -Are you ever scared of finding a dead body in one of these rooms? No. -No. It could happen. This is the exact kind of place where it happens. But I don't want to scare you. -Were you born in Mexico? Cuba. -Cuba. Oh, really? That's interesting. Do you prefer Cuba or the United States? -Does my skin feel soft, Anthony? God, yes. Like silk. -What? What? Like silk? -Like silk? God. That does sound corny. Oh, your skin feels so soft and silky. But it really kind of does. -Nice to meet you, Applejack. You're Anthony? -You're Anthony? Yeah. -Yeah. I hear you're a good thief. -Did you ever hear of the S. Cooper Trust robbery? Uh-uh. -Uh-uh. S. Cooper Trust, in San Francisco? -S. Cooper Trust, in San Francisco? Uh-uh. -Let's go, Abdul-Shabazz. Abdul-Shabazz? -I can knock a man out with a six inch punch. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Feel this. -Where'd they come from? The front stairs. -The front stairs. Where were you? -There's a lot of valuable shit in there, Applejack. The silver and the china. The crystal. And the grandfather clock. Goddammit, I bet that clock's worth ten grand. Why the fuck do we need to blow up the car? It doesn't make any goddamn sense. -Why the fuck do we need to blow up the car? It doesn't make any goddamn sense. Just settling an old score. You might say revenge. -Just settling an old score. You might say revenge. That sounds like a lot of bullshit that'll land us in jail. -That sounds like a lot of bullshit that'll land us in jail. We might have to take that chance. Cause I feel pretty strongly about this. -We might have to take that chance. Cause I feel pretty strongly about this. Is that Buckethead? -Is that him? Wait a second. -That's Anthony. That's your friend Anthony? -That's your friend Anthony? Yeah. -Yeah. What's he doing here? -What's he doing here? Looks like he's staying with Buckethead. That's what I figured. He's probably got his own room. Let's see where he's going. -Wait. Did he see us? We're going too slow. It looks like we're following him. -Mr. Henry pulled that job in 1965. It's famous. Applejack was the wheel man. Did you use this same car, Applejack? Hell, no. This is a '72. I was driving a '63 Pontiac. -I don't know why the fuck we're having a party. The damn job's not over yet. Well, this isn't really a party per se. -Well, this isn't really a party per se. You don't celebrate til it's over. -You don't celebrate til it's over. True. -What? Bob! Get back in position! -Are you a fag? You're the faggot. -Dignan and Anthony, this is Little Richard. He's crazy. Totally nuts. I don't know about that. -I don't know about that. Little Richard. Trust me. You're insane. Jesus, this guy used to carry a percussion bomb around in his trunk. You do not want a guy like that loose on the streets. -Little Richard. Trust me. You're insane. Jesus, this guy used to carry a percussion bomb around in his trunk. You do not want a guy like that loose on the streets. It seemed like a good idea at the time. -It seemed like a good idea at the time. The one and only Little Richard. -Well, what do you think? I don't know, Bob. What about one of those? -I'm not allowed to drive those. Not even for emergencies? -Not even for emergencies? No. -No. I thought your parents were in Italy. -I thought your parents were in Italy. They are. -They are. So who's going to know? -So who's going to know? My brother. -He looks like he was designed by scientists. For desert warfare. That never would of -- -That never would of -- Let's cut the bullshit. -If you're that worried, maybe we should just steal one. What are you talking about, Bob? -What are you talking about, Bob? Can you use a coaster. -You stole a Trans-Am. Yes. I did. -Yes. I did. OK, Bob. -OK, Bob. It's true, Dignan. -It's true, Dignan. Well. What do you want to do? You want to steal one or just drive your car? -Well. What do you want to do? You want to steal one or just drive your car? I'll just drive my car. -How much could you grow? Realistically. As much as I want. When these plants bud I'll probably have about six thousand dollars worth of weed. -As much as I want. When these plants bud I'll probably have about six thousand dollars worth of weed. Six thousand dollars? Come on, Bob. -Six thousand dollars? Come on, Bob. You should take a look. I have an entire crop in my backyard. -If it's that easy why doesn't everybody grow them? Good question. -Don't you guys tell anybody about my plants. You're paranoid, Bob. -You're paranoid, Bob. Yeah, but don't tell anybody. -What was that all about? I can't believe you said that. -I can't believe you said that. What did I say? -What did I say? I told you he's crazy. -The guy is fucking insane. I warned you, Dignan. -I warned you, Dignan. You said it like it was a big joke, Bob. Like he's wild. -You said it like it was a big joke, Bob. Like he's wild. No, I was saying crazy like a lunatic. -No, I was saying crazy like a lunatic. I know that now. He's a fucking psycho. -I know that now. He's a fucking psycho. Well, don't blame me. I told you. -Well, don't blame me. I told you. I do blame you, Bob. And woah. Look at her. -Where'd she go? Maybe she turned. -I think we might of scared her. Let's just go. -I'm going to take a look at this. Hang on. This is important, Bob. Anthony and I are responsible for the internal situation. The money and the people. You're responsible for the external situation. The streets and the getaway. -Hang on. This is important, Bob. Anthony and I are responsible for the internal situation. The money and the people. You're responsible for the external situation. The streets and the getaway. That's my responsibility. -That's my responsibility. That's your domain. -That's your domain. OK. -Bob. I'm paying attention. I just want to look at it for a minute. -I'm paying attention. I just want to look at it for a minute. What's your fucking problem? You're a shithead! -What's your fucking problem? You're a shithead! I just want to see how much bullets it takes. -I paid for it. God DAMMIT. -He doesn't get it. Held never understand what we're trying to accomplish here. It's too dangerous for him. Well, in reality it's not that dangerous, Bob. It's only dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. -Well, in reality it's not that dangerous, Bob. It's only dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. Yeah, but what if some nut pulled gun on you? -You know, Bob, Anthony did kill someone. He electrocuted our janitor senior year. He electrocuted someone? -He electrocuted someone? It was an accidental. I don't want to go into the details. It was just one of those senior pranks that didn't really go right. I mean, obviously, since Swifty's dead. That's why Anthony never graduated. -It was an accidental. I don't want to go into the details. It was just one of those senior pranks that didn't really go right. I mean, obviously, since Swifty's dead. That's why Anthony never graduated. His name was Swifty? -His name was Swifty? Yeah. One of the nicest old guys you'd ever know. -Yeah. One of the nicest old guys you'd ever know. That's too bad. -That's too bad. You know, when somebody gets electrocuted, their skin starts smoking. At least Swifty's did. -What are you doing? I'm putting a piece of tape on my nose. -What happened? Shhh. Slow down, Bob. Drive natural. -Shhh. Slow down, Bob. Drive natural. This is natural. -This is natural. That's good. Keep it at forty. -That's good. Keep it at forty. Did we get it? -Did we get it? Be cool, Bob. Be cool. Make that light. -How much is there? Don't count it. -Was Dignan screaming like, Get me a bag! No. I was calm. -You really think he'll remember you? No. All he'll remember is a guy with a piece of tape on his nose. -Bob, will you please listen? I don't want to talk about it. -"I mean, Jesus Christ, Bob. You didn't have some vicious lunatic screaming, ""I'm going to remember you!""" That's true. That would give me nightmares. -That's true. That would give me nightmares. Bob, I've got nightmares. -Way to go, Bob! I told you they were there. -I told you they were there. So it's my fault? -In all probability nothing would of happened. But why take the chance? That's why I ran. I mean how many plants were even back there? Five? Ten? There were more than that. -Shit, Bob. What the fuck did you do that for? He wouldn't move. -Is he chasing us? I don't know. -I'm sure he did. We'll have to get new plates. It's registered in my mother's name. -It's registered in my mother's name. What the fuck possessed you? -What the fuck possessed you? You're the one who kept saying ram him. -Bob. Are you coming? See you in a little while. -You can go first, Bob. My brother's in jail. -My brother's in jail. What are you talking about? -The weed. But it's not his. How can they arrest Future Man? -But it's not his. How can they arrest Future Man? They said he's a drug dealer. -I don't think they can make it stick, Bob. I mean, what do they actually have on Future Man? Well, the marijuana crop is a good start. -Well, the marijuana crop is a good start. That could be anybody's. -That could be anybody's. They also found my two beam scale in the garage. -They also found my two beam scale in the garage. Since when is it a crime to have a scale in your house? Everybody has a scale. -Since when is it a crime to have a scale in your house? Everybody has a scale. The cops say it's a special kind of scale drug dealers use in selling marijuana. -The cops say it's a special kind of scale drug dealers use in selling marijuana. So tell them the truth. What do you use it for? -So tell them the truth. What do you use it for? I was just going to use it to see how much I had. -How long has he been in there? I don't know. -I don't know. Then how come they haven't set the bail yet? That's unconstitutional. -Then how come they haven't set the bail yet? That's unconstitutional. We'll have to see when we get back. -What do you mean get back? Well, obviously, we got to go back. -Well, obviously, we got to go back. Bob, that makes no sense. -Bob, that makes no sense. Dignan, he's my brother. I can't just leave him there. -Dignan, he's my brother. I can't just leave him there. This could be a trap. -This could be a trap. Come on, Dignan. -Come on, Dignan. "Don't ""Come on, Dignan"" me." -"Don't ""Come on, Dignan"" me." I'm going back. -I'm going back. Not in that car you're not. -Not in that car you're not. Watch me. -Watch me. Good luck, since I got the keys. -Give me the keys, Dignan. I can't do that, Bob. -I can't do that, Bob. Dignan. You're going to give me those keys or you're going to get hurt. -Dignan. You're going to give me those keys or you're going to get hurt. Don't threaten me, Bob. -Don't threaten me, Bob. Goddammit, Dignan! It's my car! If you don't give me my keys, I swear to God -- -Future Man would never go to jail for you, I'll tell you that. His name's not Future Man, Dignan. -His name's not Future Man, Dignan. I know it's not. -I know it's not. You don't even know his name. -You don't even know his name. Yes, I do. -Yes, I do. What is it? -What is it? Just get in the car, Bob. -Just get in the car, Bob. What's his name? -What's his name? OK, Bob. I don't know his name. You know why? Because I don't care. He's Future Man. But I care about you. And to me it doesn't make sense to go back to the scene of a crime. Will you get in the car, Bob? This is stupid. -It's not your decision and he's not your brother, Dignan. That's right. I only have one vote. We'll go talk with Anthony and figure it out. -You've got a beautiful walk, Bob. Let's go. -Dignan. Anthony. Bad news. -Hey, Dignan. How's it going? Not bad. -Not bad. Come on in. What you been up to? -Come on in. What you been up to? Not a whole lot, Bob. -It's too bad about what happened on the road. Yeah. It is. -Right. It was extremely stupid. I don't expect an apology and I don't even want one. I just want us to -- -I don't expect an apology and I don't even want one. I just want us to -- I can't fucking believe this guy. An apology, Bob? -I can't fucking believe this guy. An apology, Bob? Man, I don't want to go into this. -You said 48 hours! I never agreed to that. -I never agreed to that. Bob, you're lying! -Bob, you're lying! Bullshit. -Bullshit. All right! Backyard! Right now! -Come on! I don't want to fight you, Dignan. -It wasn't your fault, Bob. You had your brother. I didn't have any choice. -I'm sorry, Bob. That's OK. -That's OK. Look. We want you on the job. -Come on, Bob. I know it, man. Hang on. -I know it, man. Hang on. Jesus Christ. -Scarecrow? Yeah? -Everything OK? Yeah. We're in the elevator. How's it look back there? -Yeah. We're in the elevator. How's it look back there? It looks pretty good. There's nobody back here. -It looks pretty good. There's nobody back here. Stand by. Bird Dog? -I couldn't hear anything. Who's watching the door? What the fuck are you doing? Get back in position. -What's wrong with Applejack? He's having a heart attack or something. -He's having a heart attack or something. Let's go! -Is he breathing? I think so. -Jesus Christ. What the fuck is that? I didn't think there was an alarm. -I didn't think there was an alarm. Take him to the car, Bob. -The elevator broke. Where's Applejack? -Where's Applejack? He's stuck between two floors. -Applejack drove. Run. Run. Let's go. -I said to the DA, That cop who hit me must of given me CRS disease. What's that? -What's that? That's just what the DA asked. CRS is a disease where you can't remember shit. -Do you have your own room? We don't have rooms, Bob. We have cells. -We don't have rooms, Bob. We have cells. Do you have your own cell? -Do you have your own cell? No. I have a cellmate. His name's Carl. -Do they let you -- I don't really want to talk about it, Bob. -Hold on -- Here we go. -Here we go. Wait a second -- -Wait a second -- Now! -How's that 700 bucks coming? I'm working on it. -I'm working on it. Hard to find it sitting by the pool drinking beer and bullshitting. -Fancy seeing you here, Bob. Yeah. Hey, Clay. -I might have mentioned it. John, I'm twenty-six years old I didn't run away from home. -John, I'm twenty-six years old I didn't run away from home. I know, Bob. You were on a secret mission. -I know, Bob. You were on a secret mission. I'd appreciate it if you didn't go around telling people lies about me. -I'd appreciate it if you didn't go around telling people lies about me. Right. I'm sorry. You've got a reputation to think about. -How you doing, Bob? Hey, Jackson. How's it going? -You keeping out of trouble? I'm trying. -I'm trying. This boy's a troublemaker. He used to tear this place apart. -Your brother was up here the other day. He said you ran away from home. He said what? -He said what? He said you ran away from home. -He said you ran away from home. No. I didn't run away. I went out of town. -How long do you have to go? 26 weeks. -26 weeks. And what does that cover? -And what does that cover? Social issues. Crime prevention. -Social issues. Crime prevention. Hand to hand combat? -Ground defense. Did you hear that? -Dignan. Good to see you. Good to see you Applejack. Who are you? This is Anthony Adams, Mr. Henry. -This is Anthony Adams, Mr. Henry. This is no good. -Is he in? I don't know. Are you in, Anthony? -What do you mean grammar? The basic grammatical rules of robbing. -The grammar? Crowd control. Crowd control. Wake up, guys. -Crowd control. Crowd control. Wake up, guys. Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. You're going to need a boxman for this one. But that can be arranged. -Is he good? He's damn good. -Join the party, fellas. We're just going over a few things. -You got to have fun with it. There's no point if you're not having any fun. Would you like me to be there tomorrow? Yes. -Yes. Why? -Why? Well, I think -- -Well, I think -- No, if I go out on this job, then it's just another score by Mr. Henry. And I don't see it like that. This is your job. Your creation. I want you to try this. -Where did he go? Who? Applejack? -Who? Applejack? Why did he go that way? -Why did he go that way? He's going to watch the back stairwell, remember? Don't worry about it. -What's the story? Can't get it. It won't... -Can't get it. It won't... What can we do? -We're closed, sir. Where's that guy going? -Where's that guy going? He left his sweater. -He left his sweater. Well, I left some money in there. -Well, I left some money in there. Where? -Where? In the cash register. Step away from the door. -Where is he? Where is Rob? I don't know. Maybe in literature. That's his section. -I don't know. Maybe in literature. That's his section. You got that? -Hello, my friend. You in the Army, yes? No. I just have short hair. -No. I just have short hair. Is that your chiquita? -Is that your chiquita? No, my friend knows her. -No, my friend knows her. She Chicano, yes? -You like Chicanos? Sure. -You a good pool player. Got a little lucky. -Got a little lucky. Where's your friend? He go with the chiquita? -I don't know. She is a good looking woman. -Guess I'll get another Tecate. Si. Tecate. You like to fight? -Si. Tecate. You like to fight? What? -What? Fight. You know. -No. Just pool. You Hoto? -You Hoto? Fuck you. You a Hoto. -Fuck you. You a Hoto. No. Me no Hoto. Tecate? -No. Me no Hoto. Tecate? Right. -How's the weather down there? Mr. Henry? -Mr. Henry? Come on in! -Come on in! It's locked. -It's locked. No, it's not. -John Mapplethorpe. How are you. Hi. Good to know you, John. -The world needs dreamers, son. What? -What? The world needs dreamers. To relieve the pain of consciousness. -Well, we'll see you later, Bob. Pleasure to meet you, John. -Pleasure to meet you, John. Nice to meet you. -You told me Bourne was dead. There was a mistake. -There was a mistake. I'll say. You killed his goddam girlfriend instead. Now they're onto Neski. They're at the Brecker Hotel even as we speak. -I'll say. You killed his goddam girlfriend instead. Now they're onto Neski. They're at the Brecker Hotel even as we speak. Will it track back to us? -Will it track back to us? No. The files are spotless. Whatever they find, it's just going to make Conklin look worse. -No. The files are spotless. Whatever they find, it's just going to make Conklin look worse. And the Landy woman? -And the Landy woman? She's done everything I wanted. She bit on Conklin so fast it was laughable. She even found his bogus Swiss account... -She's done everything I wanted. She bit on Conklin so fast it was laughable. She even found his bogus Swiss account... Anything else? -Neski was a roadblock. Without me, there's no company, no fortune. You owe me, Uri. One last push. One last push. One. -Leaving was a business decision. We're both rich, come enjoy it. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Go to the airport. Get a plane. I'll have a brass band waiting for you. -Go to the airport. Get a plane. I'll have a brass band waiting for you. Save it for Bourne. -Save it for Bourne. What? -He left yesterday on the night train. He's probably just getting in now. You'll have to hurry. Bourne comes here? Why? -Treadstone. Never heard of it. -Never heard of it. That's not gonna fly. -That's not gonna fly. With all due respect, Pam, I think you might've wandered a little past your pay-grade. -And what are we looking for? I want to know about Treadstone. -I want to know about Treadstone. To know about it? It was a kill squad. Black on black. Closed down two years ago. Nobody wants to know about Treadstone. Not around here. You better take this back to Marty and make sure he knows what you're doing. -To know about it? It was a kill squad. Black on black. Closed down two years ago. Nobody wants to know about Treadstone. Not around here. You better take this back to Marty and make sure he knows what you're doing. He does. I've been down to the archives. I have the files, Ward. -Let's talk about Conklin. What are you after, Pam? You want to fry me? You want my desk? Is that it? -What are you after, Pam? You want to fry me? You want my desk? Is that it? I want to know what happened. -I want to know what happened. What happened? Jason Bourne happened. You've got the files? Then let's cut the crap. It went wrong. Conklin had these guys wound so tight they were bound to snap. Bourne was his number one -- guy went out to work, screwed the op and never came back. Conklin couldn't fix it, couldn't find Bourne, couldn't adjust. It all went sideways. Finally there were no options left. -What happened? Jason Bourne happened. You've got the files? Then let's cut the crap. It went wrong. Conklin had these guys wound so tight they were bound to snap. Bourne was his number one -- guy went out to work, screwed the op and never came back. Conklin couldn't fix it, couldn't find Bourne, couldn't adjust. It all went sideways. Finally there were no options left. So you had Conklin killed. I mean, if we're cutting the crap... -So you had Conklin killed. I mean, if we're cutting the crap... I've given thirty years and two marriages to this agency. I've shoveled shit on four continents. I'm due to retire next year and believe me, I need my pension, but if you think I'm gonna sit here and let you dangle me with this, you can go to hell. Marshall too. It had to be done. -I've given thirty years and two marriages to this agency. I've shoveled shit on four continents. I'm due to retire next year and believe me, I need my pension, but if you think I'm gonna sit here and let you dangle me with this, you can go to hell. Marshall too. It had to be done. And Bourne? Where's he now? -And Bourne? Where's he now? Dead in a ditch? Drunk in a bar in Mogadishu? Who knows? -Dead in a ditch? Drunk in a bar in Mogadishu? Who knows? I think I do. We had a deal going down in Berlin last week. During the buy, both our Field Agent and the seller were killed. We pulled a fingerprint from a timing charge that didn't go off. They were killed by Jason Bourne. -...Ivan Mevedev -- senior financial manager -- worked for one of the new Russian petroleum companies, Pecos Oil. He claimed to know where the money landed. We believe this could have only happened with help from someone inside the Agency... This... ...this is Conklin's computer. -...this is Conklin's computer. ...At the time of his death, Conklin was sitting on a personal account in the amount of seven-hundred and sixty thousand dollars. -...At the time of his death, Conklin was sitting on a personal account in the amount of seven-hundred and sixty thousand dollars. Do you know what his budget was? -Do you know what his budget was? Excuse me. -Excuse me. We were throwing money at him. Throwing it at him and asking him to keep it dark. -We were throwing money at him. Throwing it at him and asking him to keep it dark. May I finish? -May I finish? Conklin might've been a nut, but he wasn't a mole. You have me his calendar for a couple of days, I'll prove he killed Lincoln. This is supposed to be definitive? -Conklin might've been a nut, but he wasn't a mole. You have me his calendar for a couple of days, I'll prove he killed Lincoln. This is supposed to be definitive? What's definitive, is that I just lost two people in Berlin! -What's definitive, is that I just lost two people in Berlin! So what's your theory? Conklin's reaching out from the grave to protect his good name? The man is dead. -Berlin! I've already got a team there. I doubt Bourne's in Naples to settle down and raise a family. -I've already got a team there. I doubt Bourne's in Naples to settle down and raise a family. You don't know what you're getting into here. -You don't know what you're getting into here. And you do? From the moment he left Treadstone, he has killed and eluded every person that you sent to find him... -Call a Mayday into Berlin station. We need snipers, DOD, whatever they got. Snipers? Hold on -- he said he wants to come in. -Hold on -- he said he wants to come in. My ass he does. You're playing with fire, Pamela. Marshall said nail him to the wall. I don't know how you interpreted that, but I don't think he meant repatriate him. -My ass he does. You're playing with fire, Pamela. Marshall said nail him to the wall. I don't know how you interpreted that, but I don't think he meant repatriate him. Don't you want answers? -Don't you want answers? There are no answers. There's either Jason Bourne alive or Jason Bourne dead. And I for one would prefer the latter. And what about her? You just send her out to this lunatic with no protection? -So what's he doing? You believe him? It's hard to swallow. The confusion -- the amnesia -- but he keeps on killing? It's more calculated than sick. What about Nicky? She's the last one to see Bourne in Paris. She's the one he asks for. They disappear... -It's hard to swallow. The confusion -- the amnesia -- but he keeps on killing? It's more calculated than sick. What about Nicky? She's the last one to see Bourne in Paris. She's the one he asks for. They disappear... Well, whatever he's doing, I've had enough -- this is now a search and destroy mission. I want the Berlin police fully briefed and -- -- get this out to all the agencies. -Sorry to wake you. I wasn't sleeping. You OK? -What? They found Danny Zorn's body. Dead in the basement at the building where my people got hit the first time. -They found Danny Zorn's body. Dead in the basement at the building where my people got hit the first time. Oh, God... It must have been Bourne. -Oh, God... It must have been Bourne. Did he say anything to you? -Did he say anything to you? No... It must have been Bourne. -Moscow? What the Hell's he going to Moscow for? Don't know. -Don't know. Jesus... I, Zorn... I have to call his family. Tell them... -Jesus... I, Zorn... I have to call his family. Tell them... I'm sorry, Ward. -Sit down. I'd rather stand if it's all the same to you. -I'd rather stand if it's all the same to you. I don't exactly know what to say -- I'm sorry. -I don't exactly know what to say -- I'm sorry. 'Why' would be enough for me. -'Why' would be enough for me. I'm not a traitor. I've served my ountry. -I'm not a traitor. I've served my ountry. And pocketed a fair amount of change while doing it. -And pocketed a fair amount of change while doing it. Why not? It was just money. -Why not? It was just money. And Danny Zorn, what was that? -And Danny Zorn, what was that? Had to be done. -Had to be done. No good options left? -No good options left? In the end, honestly, it's hubris. Simple hubris. You reach a point in this game when the only satisfaction left is to see how clever you are. -In the end, honestly, it's hubris. Simple hubris. You reach a point in this game when the only satisfaction left is to see how clever you are. No. You lost your way. -No. You lost your way. Well, you're probably right. I guess that's all that hubris is. -Sir... Thanks. -She say what time I should call? The sooner the better. -I did my box work, but I wanted to show you before I showed Landy. I came out here last night because none of this was making any sense. I mean, I'm with you on this, Conklin was a nut, but a traitor? I just can't get there. What do you have, Danny? -What do you have, Danny? You put a four-gam Kel on here and it's gonna take out power to the building. You know that. What you can't know, is if it's gonna blow the room with it. -You put a four-gam Kel on here and it's gonna take out power to the building. You know that. What you can't know, is if it's gonna blow the room with it. And? -And? There were two charges, they were supposed to go off simultaneously. The second one, the one that didn't go off, was down here... First of all, this is nothing, it's a sub-line for the breaker above. Second, why put the charge all the way down here? If you're good enough to get in here and handle the gear, you're good enough to know you don't need this. Bourne would know. -There were two charges, they were supposed to go off simultaneously. The second one, the one that didn't go off, was down here... First of all, this is nothing, it's a sub-line for the breaker above. Second, why put the charge all the way down here? If you're good enough to get in here and handle the gear, you're good enough to know you don't need this. Bourne would know. It was staged? -It was staged? Is it a slam dunk? No, but... -Is it a slam dunk? No, but... Jesus... -Jesus... Okay. What if someone decided to cover their tracks by blaming Conklin and Bourne. What if Bourne didn't have anything to do with this? -Okay. What if someone decided to cover their tracks by blaming Conklin and Bourne. What if Bourne didn't have anything to do with this? Keep going... -Keep going... Something's been going on here in Europe. And it's still going on. Post Conklin. Who's been in Berlin? -Something's been going on here in Europe. And it's still going on. Post Conklin. Who's been in Berlin? Lots of people... -Lots of people... Including Landy... She had access to the archives. -Who else knows about this? Nobody. You. I had to tell you, right? -Nobody. You. I had to tell you, right? Show me again... -Show me again... Okay... -Sit. Can you... [The chair. Have the chair.] I speak English. -Of all the people in the world, you're the only one I have anything to offer. That's why I came here. Okay. -It's nice. Does this picture mean anything to you? Hmm? It's nothing. It's just a picture. -It's nothing. It's just a picture. No. It's because you don't know how they died. -No. It's because you don't know how they died. No, I do. -I would want to know. I would want to know that my mother didn't kill my father. I would want to know that she didn't kill herself. What? -It changes things. That knowledge. Doesn't it? Yes... -Yes... That's not what happened to your parents. -That's not what happened to your parents. Then what? -Then what? I killed them. -It was my job. My first time. Your father was supposed to be alone. But then your mother, she came out of nowhere... I had to change my plan. You understand me? You don't have to live like that anymore. Thinking that. You killed them. -They loved you. And I killed them. How... how can... how can you be here and say this? -How... how can... how can you be here and say this? I don't want you to forgive me. -It doesn't matter. Your life is hard enough. You're a liar. -You're a liar. You know I'm not. -You know I'm not. YOU'RE A LIAR! -YOU'RE A LIAR! Look at me. -I should kill you... if it's true you should die... I should kill you now! I can't let you do that either. -I can't let you do that either. Because you're afraid! -Because you're afraid! No. Because you don't want to know how it feels. -I have to go now. Is this really happening? -Is this really happening? I'm sorry. -I emptied it. Felt a little light. -Felt a little light. Drop it. -Front. Use your teeth. Sorry. Old habits. -You still should've moved. I like it here. Last time I saw you was Greece. You had a good spot. -So why didn't you kill me then? She wouldn't let me. She's the only reason you're alive. -What do you want? Conklin. -Conklin. He's dead. -Try again. Shot dead in Paris. Dead the night you walked out. -You're lying. If it's over, why are they after me? I don't know. -I don't know. Who sent you to Greece? -Who sent you to Greece? A voice. A voice from the States. Someone new. -A voice. A voice from the States. Someone new. Pamela Landy? -Pamela Landy? I don't know who that is. -I don't know who that is. What's going on in Berlin? -What's going on in Berlin? I don't know! Why would I lie? -She really did that? Told you not to kill me? I had a woman once. But after a while, what do you talk about? I mean, for us. The work. You can't tell them who you are... I did. -You called it in? I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. How long? How long do I have -- --- car keys? -- my coat -- but we should -- --- my coat -- but we should -- -- what? -- --- what? -- -- take the back -- get another car -- -Where were you, Jason? In the car. Conklin up front. -Conklin up front. I'll get the book. -I'll get the book. No. There's nothing new. -No. There's nothing new. You're sure? We should still -- we should write it down. -You're sure? We should still -- we should write it down. Two years we're scribbling in a notebook -- -Two years we're scribbling in a notebook -- -- it hasn't been two years -- --- it hasn't been two years -- -- it's always bad and it's never anything but bits and pieces anyway! You ever think that maybe it's just making it worse? You don't wonder that? -We write them down because sooner or later you're going to remember something good. I do remember something good. All the time. I remember you. -I'm trying, Marie, Okay? I worry when you get like this. -I worry when you get like this. It's just a nightmare. -It's just a nightmare. I don't mean that. I worry when you try to ignore it. -Sleep. Sleep now. I should be better by now. -I should be better by now. You are better. And I think it's not memories at all. It's just a dream you keep having over and over. -You are better. And I think it's not memories at all. It's just a dream you keep having over and over. But it ends up the same. -But it ends up the same. One day it will be different. It just takes time. We'll make new memories. You and me. -No... How? The Telegraph office. -The Telegraph office. But we were so careful. -But we were so careful. We pushed it. We got lazy. -But you're sure? He was at the campground yesterday. -He was at the campground yesterday. So... -So... It's wrong. Guy with a rental car and hundred dollar sneakers sleeps in a tent? -That's crazy. No. Not this. This is real. And he's right there... -No. Not this. This is real. And he's right there... Where -- -Where -- Back there -- at the corner -- Hyundai -- silver -- -...but you're not -- you're not sure... We can't wait to be sure. -We can't wait to be sure. I don't want to move again... I like it here. -I don't want to move again... I like it here. Look, we clear out, we get to the shack, we get safe. We hang there awhile. I'll come back. I'll check it out. But right now we can't -- -Look, we clear out, we get to the shack, we get safe. We hang there awhile. I'll come back. I'll check it out. But right now we can't -- -- where's left to go? -- --- where's left to go? -- -- there's places -- we can't afford to be wrong! -You drive. What? -What? Switch! You drive! -Switch! You drive! -- where? - --- where? - -- make the left -- toward the bridge -- -Jesus! -- -- is he back there? -- -- not yet -- --- not yet -- -- it's just him? -- --- it's just him? -- -- yeah -- one guy -- I don't think he was ready -- --- yeah -- one guy -- I don't think he was ready -- -- hang on -- -You keep going to the shack. I'll meet you there in an hour. Where are you going? -Where are you going? I'm going to bail on the other side and wait. This bridge is the only way he can follow. -I'm going to bail on the other side and wait. This bridge is the only way he can follow. What if it's not who you think it is? -What if it's not who you think it is? If he crosses the bridge, it is. -If he crosses the bridge, it is. There must be another way! -There must be another way! I warned them, Marie. I told them to leave us alone. -I warned them, Marie. I told them to leave us alone. Jason, please don't do this...it won't ever be over like this. -Jason, please don't do this...it won't ever be over like this. There's no choice. -I love you, too. Tell me later. -I wanted to kill him. But you found another choice. -But you found another choice. I did. -I did. It wouldn't have changed the way you feel. -It wouldn't have changed the way you feel. It might have. -I know it's a dream. You do? -You do? I only dream about people who are dead. -God, I miss you. I don't know what to do without you. Jason. You know exactly what to do. That is your mission now. -See that tram coming around the corner? Yes. -Yes. Get on it. -I did... Jason, I swear, I did... I told them... I told them I believed you... Who is Pamela Landy? -Who is Pamela Landy? You hear me? I believed you. -You hear me? I believed you. IS SHE RUNNING TREADSTONE? -Why is she trying to kill me? They know! They know you were here. They know you killed these two guys. They know you and Conklin had something on the side. They don't know what it is, but they know! -How do they know that? How can they know any of that? What is this, a game? -What is this, a game? I want to hear it from you. -Say it. Last week an Agency field officer went to make a buy from a Russian national. -Last week an Agency field officer went to make a buy from a Russian national. A Russian? -A Russian? It was Pamela Landy's op. The guy was going to sell-out a mole or something. I haven't been debriefed on exactly what it was. -It was Pamela Landy's op. The guy was going to sell-out a mole or something. I haven't been debriefed on exactly what it was. Last week? When? -And you got to him before we could. I killed him??? -I killed him??? You left a print! There was Kel that didn't go off! There was a partial print, they tracked it back to Treadstone! They know it's you! -You left a print! There was Kel that didn't go off! There was a partial print, they tracked it back to Treadstone! They know it's you! I left a fingerprint! You fucking people. -What was Landy buying? What kind of files? WHAT WAS SHE BUYING? Conklin! Stuff on Conklin! -Why are you here, then? Please -- I'm only here because of Paris -- because they can't figure out what you're doing -- I'm here because of Abbott -- -Please -- I'm only here because of Paris -- because they can't figure out what you're doing -- I'm here because of Abbott -- Abbott? -Abbott? He closed down Treadstone -- he took care of me after Paris... -He closed down Treadstone -- he took care of me after Paris... So when was I here? -So when was I here? What do you mean? -What do you mean? For Treadstone. In Berlin. You know my file. I did a job here. When? -For Treadstone. In Berlin. You know my file. I did a job here. When? No. You never worked Berlin. -No. You never worked Berlin. My first job. -My first job. Your first assignment was Geneva. -Your first assignment was Geneva. That's a lie! -That's a lie! You never worked Berlin... -No... Jason... please... I was here! -I was here! ...it's not in the file... I swear... I know your file... your first job was Geneva!... I swear to God you never worked here!... -It's me. Bourne? -What do you want? I want to come in. -Okay, how do you want to do it? I want someone I know to take me in. -I want someone I know to take me in. Who? -Who? There was a girl in Paris. Part of the program. She used to handle the medication. -Okay, Jason, your move. Alexanderplatz. 30 minutes. Under the World Clock. Alone. Give her your phone. -Where am I? Ramstein Air Base, Germany. Before the wall fell you would have woken up in a Russian prison hospital. -Oh, shit... Careful... -Why am I alive? Are you disappointed? -Thank you for your gift. I'm sorry about Marie. What's that? -What's that? Do you think you can read? Are you well enough? -Don't need it. I remember everything. Sounds like a threat. -Sounds like a threat. You didn't answer my question. -You didn't answer my question. Why you're alive? You're alive because you're special. Because she kept you alive. Because we want you back on our side. -We need to get in there. I'm working on it. --- so there were two of these explosive charges placed on the power lines. One of them failed. The fingerprint... That's from the one that didn't go off. And the Germans can't match it? -Looks like he's been detained. Who's going? Us? -Who's going? Us? There's only a Consulate, they sent a field officer out half an hour ago -- -There's only a Consulate, they sent a field officer out half an hour ago -- Then get a number, they need to know who they're dealing with. --- Kurt's reopening all the wyfi and sat links -- -- uplink all relevant files to Kim -- -- and I want them to contact anyone who had anything to do with Treadstone -- --- go -- take the van! -- -- the hotel -- how far? -- -Maybe he just needed a place to spend the night? I want to look at the room. Check it out. -Alright... take it down. What? -What? This stays between you and I. We finally have an edge. I don't want to lose it. -We'll know for sure when we get the security tapes. But we can relax. We tracked him. He's on a train to Moscow. -You're sure? What? The tapes? -What? The tapes? Hold on... Yep. And Abbott just direct dialed Moscow from his room... -Show me. Here? -Here? Now. Show now. -This is everything? Is there. Is there. Is all there. --- who? -- who else is here? -- -- no! -- not me! -- no other people! -- --- no! -- not me! -- no other people! -- -- shut up! -- just shut the -- -I'm here. So is Donnie and Jack Weller. We understand you're using the full allocation for this buy? That's where we came out. -That's where we came out. It's a lot of money, Pam. -It's a lot of money, Pam. We're talking raw, unprocessed KGB files. It's not something we can go out and comparison shop. -We're talking raw, unprocessed KGB files. It's not something we can go out and comparison shop. Still... -Still... For a thief. A mole. I vetted the source, Marty. He's real. If it does nothing more than narrow the list of suspects, it's a bargain at ten times the price. -Okay, cut to the chase, Pam. What are you selling? I think that Bourne and Conklin were in business. That Bourne is still involved. And that whatever information I was going to buy in Berlin, it was big enough to make Bourne come out from wherever he's been hiding to kill again. How's that scan? -Mr. Nevins? Who's this? -Who's this? Pamela Landy, again. Where do we stand? -How long have you worked for the agency? Me? Four years. -Me? Four years. If you ever want to make it to five, you're gonna listen to me real close. Jason Bourne is armed and extremely dangerous. A week ago, he assassinated two men in Berlin, one of whom was a highly-experienced field officer... -I want that area secured, I want any evidence secured and I want it done now. Is that clear?? Yes, sir -- ma'am... -Yes, sir -- ma'am... I'm getting on a plane to Berlin in 45 minutes, which means you are going to call me back in 30, and when I ask you where we stand, I had better be impressed. My mobile number is... -What kind of problems? Depression. Anger. Compulsive behaviors. They had physical symptoms -- headaches -- sensitivity to light -- -Depression. Anger. Compulsive behaviors. They had physical symptoms -- headaches -- sensitivity to light -- Amnesia? -Amnesia? Before this? Before Bourne? No. -Good luck. You were his local contact. You were with him the night Conklin died. You're coming with us. -I'm curious about Bourne. Your interpretation of his condition. You have specific training in the identification and diagnosis of psychological conditions? Am I a doctor, no, but... -Am I a doctor, no, but... Are you an expert in amnesia? -Are you an expert in amnesia? Look, what do you want me to say? I was there. I believed him. -Look, what do you want me to say? I was there. I believed him. Believed what? -Believed what? I believed Jason Bourne had suffered a severe traumatic breakdown. -I believed Jason Bourne had suffered a severe traumatic breakdown. So he fooled you. -So he fooled you. If you say so. -If you say so. Not good enough. You're the person who floated this amnesia story. Ever feel sorry for him? For what he'd been through? -Not good enough. You're the person who floated this amnesia story. Ever feel sorry for him? For what he'd been through? You're making it out like we're friends here or something. I met him alone twice. -You're making it out like we're friends here or something. I met him alone twice. You felt nothing? No spark? Two young people in Paris? Dangerous missions? Life and death? -You felt nothing? No spark? Two young people in Paris? Dangerous missions? Life and death? You mean, did I want a date? -You mean, did I want a date? Did you? -Did you? These were killers. Conklin had them all jacked up. They were Dobermans. -These were killers. Conklin had them all jacked up. They were Dobermans. Some women like Dobermans -- -Some women like Dobermans -- What do you want from me? I was reassigned. I'm out. -What do you want from me? I was reassigned. I'm out. See, that's a problem for me, Nicky. Whatever he's doing, we need to end it. This isn't the kind of mess you walk away from. -I don't think we need to keep looking for him anyway. And why is that? -And why is that? Because he's doing just what he said he'd do. He's coming for us. -Is it fresh? It's got caffeine in it. That's all I know. -What do you think? Is he coming in? I don't know. He was sick. He wanted out. I believed him. -I don't know. He was sick. He wanted out. I believed him. Alright... -Let's give him half an hour. So? -So? Felt promising. It's a start. -Do we know what this says? Yup... The main word there, the file heading, translates as: Treadstone. -Yup... The main word there, the file heading, translates as: Treadstone. "What the hell is a ""Treadstone?""" -Anything? No. Munich's a bust. He's loose. -No. Munich's a bust. He's loose. Are we locked up? -Black coat, possibly leather. Dark slacks. Dark t-shirt. He says they're gonna try and corral the guests on the street over there, and then check them out, but... Yeah, that'll work...What the hell was he doing here? -Here's what I've got. Remember Vladimir Neski? Russian politician? Seven years ago, he was due to speak to a group of European Oil ministers here at the hotel. He never did. He was murdered. By who? -By who? His wife. In room 645. Then she shot herself. -His wife. In room 645. Then she shot herself. Alright... I want you, Kurt and Kim to stay on Bourne, track everything that's out there... -We're looking at all Berlin outbound. Good news is, every train station in Berlin has thirty to forty fixed, digital security cameras. Common feed. Are we hacking or asking? -Are we hacking or asking? Yes. In that order. -Yes. In that order. And what about you, anything? -Someone dead from this household? We just had a funeral, isn't that what it means in England as well? -We just had a funeral, isn't that what it means in England as well? What it means in England -- and in Scotland too -- is that rebels have forfeited their lands. We were ambushed last night. But the Scots dragged their dead away. -What it means in England -- and in Scotland too -- is that rebels have forfeited their lands. We were ambushed last night. But the Scots dragged their dead away. My brother and nephew perished two days ago, when their hay cart turned over. -My brother and nephew perished two days ago, when their hay cart turned over. Then we'll just have a peek at the wounds. Dig 'em up! -Then we'll just have a peek at the wounds. Dig 'em up! They've been sanctified and buried in the holy rites of God's church, and any hand that disturbs them now takes on eternal damnation. So please -- do it. -We'll sleep here tonight. You'll come home with me. We'll let the house, and the lands too; plenty of willing neighbors. I don't want to leave. -I don't want to leave. Didn't want your father to die either, did ya? But it happened. -Did the priest say anything about the Resurrection? Or was it all about Judgment? It was in Latin, sir. -It was in Latin, sir. Non loquis Latinum? You don't speak Latin? We have to fix that, won't we? Did he give the poetic benediction? The Lord bless thee and keep thee? Patris Benefactum et -- ...It was Malcolm's favorite. -What are they doing? Saying goodbye in their own way -- in outlawed tartans, with outlawed pipes, playing outlawed tunes. -But... what will you do? I will invade England. And defeat the English on their own ground. -I will invade England. And defeat the English on their own ground. Invade?! That's impossible, it -- -A thousand. You have made me Guardian of Scotland. So I tell you this is what we face. We must sue for peace. -We must sue for peace. Peace?! -Peace?! We cannot defeat this -- -We cannot defeat this -- With cavalry -- not heavy, like the English, but light, fast horsemen, like you nobles employ -- we could outmaneuver their bowmen! -With cavalry -- not heavy, like the English, but light, fast horsemen, like you nobles employ -- we could outmaneuver their bowmen! It is suicide. -Sir William. We come to seek a meeting. You've all sworn to Longshanks. -You've all sworn to Longshanks. An oath to a liar is no oath at all. An oath to a patriot is a vow indeed. Every man of us is ready to swear loyalty to you. -An oath to a liar is no oath at all. An oath to a patriot is a vow indeed. Every man of us is ready to swear loyalty to you. So let the council swear publicly. -So let the council swear publicly. We cannot. Some scarcely believe you are alive. Other think you'll pay them Mornay's wages. We bid you to Edinburgh. Meet us at the city gates, two days from now, at sunset. Pledge us your pardon and we will unite behind you. Scotland will be one. -I will meet you, but only one way -- if Robert the Bruce is there, and puts his hand on my Bible, and swears his loyalty to Scotland. He has already agreed to come. -Young Robert, we are honored -- My father hears that Longshanks has granted prima noctes. -My father hears that Longshanks has granted prima noctes. Clearly meant to draw more of his supporters here. -A wise plan. And how is your father? We have missed him at the council. He strained his leg so that it pains him to ride. But he sends his greetings -- and says that I speak for all the Bruces. And for Scotland. -Does anyone know his politics? No. But his weight with the commoners could unbalance everything. The Balliols will kiss his ass, so we must. -May he rest in peace... You have already sealed the coffin? He was a modest man. -He was a modest man. It will not be long before Longshanks too is encased in stone, and his crowns divided for others to wear. -If I pay homage to another's throne, then how am I a king? Homage is nothing. It is the crown that matters! -Homage is nothing. It is the crown that matters! The crown is that of Scotland. And Scotland is William Wallace. -The crown is that of Scotland. And Scotland is William Wallace. That is another matter. There is a price to all this, required both by Longshanks and our nobles. Pay it, and you will be our king. And we will have peace. -He won't come. He will. I know he will. -Longshanks promised! You are surprised he would lie? Balliol was murdered in a church yesterday. You are Longshanks' new designate. You will be king. -Scottish rebels have routed Lord Bottoms! I hear. This Wallace is a bandit, nothing more. -What news of the north? Nothing new, Majesty. We have sent riders to speed any word. -Nothing new, Majesty. We have sent riders to speed any word. While I am in France fighting to expand your future kingdom I learn that Stirling castle is lost, our entire northern army wiped out! And you have done nothing?! -While I am in France fighting to expand your future kingdom I learn that Stirling castle is lost, our entire northern army wiped out! And you have done nothing?! I have ordered conscriptions... -Wallace has sacked York! Impossible. How dare you bring a panicky lie. -The weapon has been outlawed by the Pope himself! So the Scots will have none of them, will they? My armorers have already made a thousand. -Now we kill two birds at one stroke. We recruit from Scotland for our armies in France. The Scots will fight for us? -The Scots will fight for us? What choice do they have? Now they must serve us or starve. -What choice do they have? Now they must serve us or starve. But if we have not caught Wallace -- -But if we have not caught Wallace -- He is gone! Finished! Dead! If he has not yet bled to death or had his throat cut for him, he will not survive the winter. It is very cold -- is it not, our flower? -His legend grows! It will be worse than before! You let Wallace escape your whole army. You cannot blame me for this. -What is it?! You directed me to report to you the moment the king's conference was ended. -You directed me to report to you the moment the king's conference was ended. So I did! And what was so important about it? -So I did! And what was so important about it? Scotland. He intends -- -Shut up, would you! How can I concentrate?! ...His majesty was quite keen that you should understand -- -...His majesty was quite keen that you should understand -- All so very boring! He wants me to learn to fight too, so let me do it! -No, M'lord. Look at me. I said LOOK AT ME! -Now, my flower, do you understand? Yes. I had thought that... I was loathsome to you. Perhaps I am. If I may be excused, M'lord. -Yes. I had thought that... I was loathsome to you. Perhaps I am. If I may be excused, M'lord. You may. -Good day to you, M'Lords. You mock us with a smile? -You mock us with a smile? I am cheerful with a plan to soothe your miseries. All of England shudders with the news of renewed rebellion. -I am cheerful with a plan to soothe your miseries. All of England shudders with the news of renewed rebellion. Wallace's followers. -Wallace's followers. Wallace himself. If you wish to pretend a ghost rallies new volunteers in every Scottish town, I leave you to your hauntings. If you wish to take him, I know a way. -The little cow is insane -- Grant, as you do everything else, with treachery. Offer him a truce to discuss terms, and send me to my castle at Locharmbie as your emissary. He trusts me. Pick thirty of your finest assassins for me to take along. And I will set the meeting, and the ambush. -Is it true? Wallace is captured? Simply because he eluded your trap, do you think he is more than a man? My father is dying. Perhaps you should think of our coronation. -Simply because he eluded your trap, do you think he is more than a man? My father is dying. Perhaps you should think of our coronation. When will his trial be? -When will his trial be? Wallace's? For treason there is no trial. Tomorrow he will be charged, then executed. -I have come to beg for the life of William Wallace. You fancy him. -You fancy him. I respect him. At worst he was a worthy enemy. Show mercy... Oh thou great king... and win the respect of your own people. -Nor you. To you that word is as unfamiliar as love. Before he lost his powers of speech, he told me his one comfort was that he would live to know Wallace was dead. -I'll wait... back there. Hamish, I... thank... -We make spears. A hundred spears. Fourteen feet long. Fourteen? -- -The Bruce is not coming, William. Mornay has come. So will the Bruce. -Stephen ready? Aye. -Thanks for the food and drink. And for bringing 'em yourselves. We're here to stay. We don't care to live, if we can't fight beside ya. -Rest, William. I rest. -I rest. Your rest is making me exhausted. -You know it's a trap. Probably. But we can't win alone. We know that. This is the only way. -Probably. But we can't win alone. We know that. This is the only way. I don't want to be a martyr. -I don't want to be a martyr. Nor I! I want to live! I want a home and children and peace. I've asked god for those things. But He's brought me this sword. And if He wills that I must lay it down to have what He wants for my country, then I'll do that too. -Nor I! I want to live! I want a home and children and peace. I've asked god for those things. But He's brought me this sword. And if He wills that I must lay it down to have what He wants for my country, then I'll do that too. That's just a dream, William! -That's just a dream, William! We've lived a dream together. A dream of freedom! -We've lived a dream together. A dream of freedom! Your dreams aren't about freedom! They're about Marion! You have to be a hero, because you think she sees you! Is that it? -Your dreams aren't about freedom! They're about Marion! You have to be a hero, because you think she sees you! Is that it? My dreams of Marion are gone. I killed them myself. If I knew I could live with her on the other side of death, I'd welcome it. -Keep these. We're going too. No. One of us is enough. -They're coming! How many? -How many? Three, maybe more! -Three, maybe more! Armed? -Armed? They're English soldiers, ain't they? -They're English soldiers, ain't they? With your father and brother gone, they'll kill us and burn the farm! -With your father and brother gone, they'll kill us and burn the farm! It's up to us, Hamish! -Wanna stay with me tonight? I wanna have supper waitin'. -I wanna have supper waitin'. We'll get those English pigs tomorrow. -We'll get those English pigs tomorrow. Aye, we'll get 'em. -Test of manhood. You win. -You win. Call it a test of soldiery, then. The English won't let us train with weapons, so we train with stones. -Call it a test of soldiery, then. The English won't let us train with weapons, so we train with stones. The test of a soldier is not in his arm. It's here. -I still say this is no test. A catapult can throw a stone farther than a man can. That depends on the man. -Can you do it when it matters? As it matters in battle? Could you crush a man with that throw? I could crush you like a roach. -You'll move I will not. -Good to see you again. I should'a remembered the eggs. -All right, Father, I'll ask him! If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen? Is your Poppa a ghost -- or do you converse with God Almighty? -Is your Poppa a ghost -- or do you converse with God Almighty? In order to find his equal, and Irishman is forced to talk to God. Yes, Father!... The Almighty says don't change the subject, just answer the fookin' question. -Excellent! Stephen is my name. I'm the most wanted man on the Emerald Isle. Except I'm not on the Emerald Isle of course, more's the pity. A common thief. -A common thief. A patriot! -We must run in different directions! We don't split up! -We don't split up! They used hounds on us in Ireland, it's the only way! -I am the one who is rotting. But I think your face looks graver than mine. He was so brave. With courage alone he nearly won. -He was so brave. With courage alone he nearly won. So more men were slaughtered uselessly! -So more men were slaughtered uselessly! He broke because of me. I saw it. He lost all will to fight. -He broke because of me. I saw it. He lost all will to fight. We must have alliance with England to prevail here. You achieved that! You saved your family, increased your lands! In time you will have all the power in Scotland!... Yet you grieve. -We must have alliance with England to prevail here. You achieved that! You saved your family, increased your lands! In time you will have all the power in Scotland!... Yet you grieve. In my heart I had begun to hope that he would never break. -In my heart I had begun to hope that he would never break. All men lose heart. All betray. It is exactly why we must make the choices we make. -Where is my son? Your pardon, M'lord, he asked me to come in his stead. -I sent for him -- and the little coward send you?! Shall I leave, M'lord? -Shall I leave, M'lord? If he wants his queen to rule, then you stay and learn how! I will deal with him. -My son's loyal wife returns, unkilled by the heathen. So he accepted our bribe. No. He did not. -No. He did not. Then why does he stay? My scouts say he has not advanced. -Then why does he stay? My scouts say he has not advanced. He waits. For you. He says he will attack no more towns -- if you are man enough to come fight him. -He waits. For you. He says he will attack no more towns -- if you are man enough to come fight him. You spoke with this Wallace in private. What kind of man is he? -You spoke with this Wallace in private. What kind of man is he? ...A mindless barbarian. Not a king like you, M'lord. -...A mindless barbarian. Not a king like you, M'lord. The Scottish nobles have sent him no support. His army starves. Our stall has worked, he must withdraw. You may return to your embroidery. -The Scottish nobles have sent him no support. His army starves. Our stall has worked, he must withdraw. You may return to your embroidery. Humbly, M'lord. -No. I have it to ease the suffering of the children of this war. This is what happens when you must send a woman. And a fool. -This is what happens when you must send a woman. And a fool. Forgive me, Sire. I thought that generosity might demonstrate your greatness to those you mean to rule. -Forgive me, Sire. I thought that generosity might demonstrate your greatness to those you mean to rule. My greatness is better demonstrated with this. -I have faced him. Have you? Let her speak. -Let her speak. He will fight you forever. But what does he fight for? Freedom first, and peace. So grant them. -Treason. Against whom? Against thy king, thou vile fool! Hast thou anything to say? -Against thy king, thou vile fool! Hast thou anything to say? Never, in my whole life, did I swear allegiance to your king -- -Never, in my whole life, did I swear allegiance to your king -- It matters not, he is thy king! -It matters not, he is thy king! -- while many who serve him have taken and broken his oath many times. I cannot commit treason, if I have never been his subject! --- while many who serve him have taken and broken his oath many times. I cannot commit treason, if I have never been his subject! Confess, and you may receive a quick death. Deny, and you must be purified by pain. Do you confess? ...DO YOU CONFESS?! -Confess, and you may receive a quick death. Deny, and you must be purified by pain. Do you confess? ...DO YOU CONFESS?! I do not confess. -I do not confess. Then on the morrow, thou shalt receive they purification... And in the end, I promise you'll beg for the axe. -Your father doesn't like me, does he? It's not you. He dislikes that you're a Wallace. He just says... the Wallaces don't seem to live for very long. -It's not you. He dislikes that you're a Wallace. He just says... the Wallaces don't seem to live for very long. Thank you for accepting. -Thank you for accepting. Thank you for inviting. -Thank you for inviting. I'll invite you again, but your mother thinks I'm crazy. -I'll invite you again, but your mother thinks I'm crazy. You are. And I'll come again. -You've been here before? Some nights. I have dreams. Mostly dreams I don't want. I started riding at night to fill up my mind so that when I did sleep I'd dream only of the ride and the adventure. -Some nights. I have dreams. Mostly dreams I don't want. I started riding at night to fill up my mind so that when I did sleep I'd dream only of the ride and the adventure. Did it work? -Did it work? No. You don't choose your dreams. Your dreams choose you. -I want... to marry you! I... accept your proposal! -I... accept your proposal! I'm not just saying it! -I'm not just saying it! Nor I! -Nor I! But I won't give you up to any nobleman. -But I won't give you up to any nobleman. You scare me. -You scare me. I don't want to scare you. I want to be yours, and you mine. Every night like this one. -I don't want to scare you. I want to be yours, and you mine. Every night like this one. This night is too beautiful to have again. -This night is too beautiful to have again. I will be with you, like this. Forever. -I've missed you. Shush. It's only been a day. And it's seemed like forever. -Shush. It's only been a day. And it's seemed like forever. Tonight then. -Tonight then. My parents are growing suspicious! I can't keep meeting you every night! -Then when? ...Tonight! -I'm dreaming. Yes, you are. And you must wake. -Yes, you are. And you must wake. I don't want to wake. I want to stay with you. -I don't want to wake. I want to stay with you. And I with you. But you must wake. -And I with you. But you must wake. I need you so much! I love you! -I need you so much! I love you! Wake up, William. Wake up! -When the king returns he will bury them in those new clothes. Scotland is in chaos. Your husband is secretly sending an army north. How do you know this? -How do you know this? Last night I slept with a member of the War Council. -Last night I slept with a member of the War Council. He shouldn't be telling secrets in bed. -He shouldn't be telling secrets in bed. Ah, Oui! Englishmen don't know what a tongue is for. -This Scottish rebel... Wallace? He fights to avenge a woman? A magistrate wished to capture him, and found he had a secret lover, so he cut the girl's throat to tempt Wallace to fight -- and fight he did. -Knowing his passion for his lost love, they next plotted to take him by desecrating the graves of his father and brother and setting an ambush at the grave of his wife. He fought his way through the trap and carried her body to a secret place! Now that is romance, Oui? ...I wouldn't know. -I am the Princess of Wales. Wife of Edward, the king's son? -I come as the king's servant, and with his authority. It's battle I want, not talk. -It's battle I want, not talk. But now that I am here, will you speak with a woman? -I understand that you have recently been given the rank of knight. I have been given nothing. God makes men what they are. -I have been given nothing. God makes men what they are. Did God make you the sacker of peaceful cities? The executioner of the king's nephew, my husband's own cousin? -Did God make you the sacker of peaceful cities? The executioner of the king's nephew, my husband's own cousin? York was the staging point for every invasion of my country. And that royal cousin hanged a hundred Scots, even women and children, from the city walls. -York was the staging point for every invasion of my country. And that royal cousin hanged a hundred Scots, even women and children, from the city walls. That is not possible. -Let us talk plainly. You invade England. But you cannot complete the conquest, so far from your shelter and supply. The King proposes that you withdraw your attack. In return he grants you title, estates, and this chest with a thousand pounds of gold, which I am to pay to you personally. A Lordship. And gold. That I should become Judas. -A Lordship. And gold. That I should become Judas. Peace is made is such ways. -Peace is made is such ways. SLAVES ARE MADE IN SUCH WAYS! -I understand you have suffered. I know... about your woman. She was my wife. We married in secret because I would not share her with an English lord. They killed her to get to me. And she was pregnant. -A meeting in a barn. It had to be a trap. And only you would know I would be aware of it. It does me good to see you. -Why did you? Because of the way you're looking at me now. The same way... as when we met. -You have... you have a husband. I have taken vows. More than one. I've vowed faithfulness to my husband, and sworn to give him a son. And I cannot keep both promises. -You understand. Consider, before you laugh and say no. You will never own a throne, though you deserve one. But just as the sun will rise tomorrow, some man will rule England. And what if his veins ran not with the blood of Longshanks, but with that of a true king? I cannot love you for the sake of revenge. -I cannot love you for the sake of revenge. No. But can you love me for the sake of all you loved and lost? Or simply love me... because I love you? -M'lady... what kindness of you to visit a stranger. Sir, I... come to beg you to confess all, and swear allegiance to the king, that he might show you mercy. -Sir, I... come to beg you to confess all, and swear allegiance to the king, that he might show you mercy. Will he show mercy to my country? Will he take back his soldiers, and let us rule ourselves? -Will he show mercy to my country? Will he take back his soldiers, and let us rule ourselves? Mercy... is to die quickly. Perhaps even live in the Tower. In time, who knows what can happen, if you can only live. -Mercy... is to die quickly. Perhaps even live in the Tower. In time, who knows what can happen, if you can only live. If I swear to him, then everything I am is dead already. -You will die! It will be awful! Every man dies. Not every man really lives. -Drink this! It will dull your pain. It will numb my wits, and I must have them all. If I'm senseless, or if I wail, then Longshanks will have broken me. -It will numb my wits, and I must have them all. If I'm senseless, or if I wail, then Longshanks will have broken me. I can't bear the thought of your torture. Take it! -Wait! ...I respect what you said. But remember, these men have lands, castles. Much to risk. And the common man who bleeds on the battlefield, does he risk less? -And the common man who bleeds on the battlefield, does he risk less? No. But from top to bottom this country has no sense of itself. Its nobles share allegiance with England and its clans war with each other. If you make enemies on both sides of the border, you'll end up dead. -No. But from top to bottom this country has no sense of itself. Its nobles share allegiance with England and its clans war with each other. If you make enemies on both sides of the border, you'll end up dead. We all end up dead. It's only a question of how. And why. -I'm no coward! I want what you want! But we need the nobles. Nobles? What does that mean -- to be noble? Your title gives you claim to the throne of our country. But men don't follow titles, they follow courage! Your arm speaks louder than your tongue. Our people know you. Noble and common, they respect you. If you would lead them toward freedom, they would follow you. And so would I. -War finds me willing. I know it won't bring back all I have lost. But it can bring what none of us have ever had -- a country of our own. For that we need a king. We need you. I am trying. -I am trying. Then tell me what a king is! Is he a man who believes only what others believe? Is he one who calculates the numbers for and against him but never weighs the strength in your own heart? There is strength in you. I see it. I know it. -Then tell me what a king is! Is he a man who believes only what others believe? Is he one who calculates the numbers for and against him but never weighs the strength in your own heart? There is strength in you. I see it. I know it. I must... consult with my father. -I must... consult with my father. And I will consult with mine. -We can't stop! They've tricked us. -They've tricked us. What's the crazy man saying, Lord? -What's the crazy man saying, Lord? The dogs have a scent. My scent. Someone must have given it to them. -The dogs have a scent. My scent. Someone must have given it to them. Who would do such a thing? -Who would do such a thing? Exactly. -I thought I was dead when ya pulled that dagger! No English lord would trust an Irishman! -Fine speech. Now what do we do? Bring out our spearmen and set them in the field. -Come, it'll help you sleep. Aye. But it won't let me dream. -Mrs. Treborn! I need to speak with you! I'm sorry, but can it wait til tonight? I'm already late for work -- -I was going to show this to the principal, but I wanted to talk to you first. What is it? -What is it? Yesterday I had all the children draw pictures of what they wanted to be when they grew up. Most of them made drawings of what their parents did, but this... -Thank you for showing it to me first. I'll... I'll take care of it. Can I have the picture? Of course. There is one more thing, Mrs. Treborn. And I feel bad for mentioning it... -Of course. There is one more thing, Mrs. Treborn. And I feel bad for mentioning it... What? -What? When I asked Evan about his drawing, well, he didn't remember doing it. -And you say he doesn't remember any of it? Not according to his teacher. It just got me thinking about Jason and what if Evan's inherited his father's condition? -Not according to his teacher. It just got me thinking about Jason and what if Evan's inherited his father's condition? Hold it, hold it, Andrea. Let's not jump to conclusions. I'll run some preliminary tests, see what we can rule out. -Just tell me that Evan doesn't have Jason's illness... Look, Andrea, I'm sure he'll test negative for brain disorders. But there's something else you can try to monitor his memory. -Look, Andrea, I'm sure he'll test negative for brain disorders. But there's something else you can try to monitor his memory. Anything. -Anything. A journal. Just have him write down everything he does. -A journal. Just have him write down everything he does. Why? What for? -Why? What for? It could be extremely useful to jog his memory. See if he remembers anything new the next day. And I'll have the test results back in a few days. -Well, the good news is that the results are negative. I've found no evidence in the way of lesions, hemorrhaging, tumors... And the bad news? -And the bad news? Unfortunately, we've got nothing to work with. It's harder playing detective now. -Unfortunately, we've got nothing to work with. It's harder playing detective now. But you must have something to go on? -But you must have something to go on? If I had to guess, I'd say the blackouts are stress related. -If I had to guess, I'd say the blackouts are stress related. But he's seven. What kind of stress can he have? -But he's seven. What kind of stress can he have? Plenty. Who knows? Maybe he's got severe coping problems about not having a father. Did you say the last blackout occurred when he was with his friend's dad. -Plenty. Who knows? Maybe he's got severe coping problems about not having a father. Did you say the last blackout occurred when he was with his friend's dad. Come on, I doubt the answer's that simple. -Come on, I doubt the answer's that simple. You'd be surprised how often they are. -You'd be surprised how often they are. Well, he has been pushing me to meet his father, but I've been putting it off. -Well, he has been pushing me to meet his father, but I've been putting it off. It's worth a shot. I can arrange a controlled meeting. A careful dose of sedatives for Jason, some security, you and I monitoring. Evan comes in for a quick visit and with any luck, no more missing father complex. -It's worth a shot. I can arrange a controlled meeting. A careful dose of sedatives for Jason, some security, you and I monitoring. Evan comes in for a quick visit and with any luck, no more missing father complex. How soon?... -Evan wake up, oh please wake up! Nine, ten. And you're awake! Open your eyes, dammit! -Actually, these tests weren't available twenty years ago. So what did you find. -No dances, just tell me. The hemorrhaging... the neural damage is irreparable. I'm frankly surprised he still has use of his motor functions. -We're gonna be late again. When did you ever care about getting to school on time? -When did you ever care about getting to school on time? We're putting up pictures for Parent's Night. -Righty-tighty, lefty-lucy. Thanks. Don't worry Evan, you'll have plenty of time. -Darn it! Um... can dad come this time? -Um... can dad come this time? You know the answer to that. -You know the answer to that. Can't he come out for one day? -Can't he come out for one day? We've been over this a hundred times. It's too dangerous for him. -We've been over this a hundred times. It's too dangerous for him. But Lenny said that his dad's coming... and Tommy and Kayleigh's dad... -All the dads are gonna be there. I get the point, kiddo. But I'm not so bad, am I? -I get the point, kiddo. But I'm not so bad, am I? No. -No. Good. Because I've been waiting to see your art projects all week and I'd feel terrible if all you thought about was your father not being there. -I don't like this place, Mom. It's creepy. Please can we go? I promise I won't make any more bad pictures! You'll be fine. Dr. Redfield just wants to give you some tests. You'll like him. -That's why I wanted you to come here, Evan. Dr. Redfield already has a background in memory loss. My father has a bad memory, too? -These'll bring you luck, Crockett. Great. I'll see you soon. -What happened? Honey. What were you doing with that? -Honey. What were you doing with that? I... I don't remember. -Now your father may seem sleepy to you, but that's just because of his medicine, okay? Okay. -I don't know... I don't remember. Something must've happened! What set him off? -Something must've happened! What set him off? I... I blacked out. -I... I blacked out. Don't try to use your blackouts to get out of this one! -Please, mom. People will talk. I can't help it. I'm just so proud of you. You've got the highest grades in all of your classes. -I can't help it. I'm just so proud of you. You've got the highest grades in all of your classes. Did Da -- Jason --- get good grades? -Did Da -- Jason --- get good grades? Please. He got straight A's without ever touching a book. That was the one area where his memory never failed him. -Please. He got straight A's without ever touching a book. That was the one area where his memory never failed him. Ma? Did he ever say that he figured out a way to recall a lost memory years after he blacked it out for the first time? -Why do you ask? No, it's just weird with him being such a brain and all, I just wondered if he was ever able to remember stuff he'd forgotten. -No, it's just weird with him being such a brain and all, I just wondered if he was ever able to remember stuff he'd forgotten. When he was around your age... almost exactly your age. He said he figured out a trick to remember the past. -I couldn't tell if they were real memories or just phantoms. You know, he might only have thought he actually remembered them... Sure... -Sure... And then, just before it got so bad that he had to be committed, he said that he could... -And then, just before it got so bad that he had to be committed, he said that he could... What? What could he do? -...I spoke to your new lawyer about the appeal. He's sure he can get you off on self-defense, so if you're patient. How long will I be in here? -How long will I be in here? I don't know. These things take time. -I don't know. These things take time. How's Kayleigh doing? She all right? -I found these. The others are still in storage. Damn it, Mom. I told you I need them all! -Damn it, Mom. I told you I need them all! Fine. You'll get them, Evan. But I think it's far more important to focus on your case right now. -Okay, doc. What's the damage? How much time have I got? Cute, Evan. -What does that mean for Evan? He's saying it's like forty years worth of new memories have been jammed in my brain since last year. Overload city. 'Sat about the gist of it, doc? -There must be a way to fix this. Fix? -Fix? I just need the entry about the blockbuster. Wait, shit, no arms. I never even got the chance to write it. -You're. Acting. Like your father. Come on, Mom. Just 'cause Dad was my age when he started going crazy doesn't mean that I'm nuts. -How. Did you. Know that? You told me that on Parents' Weekend. Remember? Wait, that wasn't me. Or you. -Just. Like. Jason. Don't worry. I'm gonna get you out of here. -Best not bitch up. Wind up someone's luggage that way. Can you protect me? -Can you protect me? Jesus himself couldn't make me take on the Brotherhood. When they come, just put your mind in another place, man. Be somewhere else. -"You're religious Carlos, you believe that bit about ""the Lord works in mysterious ways?""" Straight up. -Straight up. Because I think he sent me to your cell on purpose. For you to help me. -Because I think he sent me to your cell on purpose. For you to help me. Shit. I knew you were crazy. -Shit. I knew you were crazy. I ain't bullshitting. Jesus speaks to me in my dreams. -So when I'm out, I need you to watch my face and hands closely. You need to see the prison shrink, man. -Just tell me if anything weird happens. Weirder than this? -Weirder than this? Marks, scars, I dunno. Anything could happen I guess. -What did you see? What did it look like? Signs of the Lord. They just appeared out of nowhere. I thought you were loco! -Signs of the Lord. They just appeared out of nowhere. I thought you were loco! So you believe me? -Hello, Evan. It's very nice to meet you. He's as handsome as his father. You know my father? -Dad lives here? Not in this wing, actually. No. -Now I want you to go back to the time you were in the woods with Lenny. Think of it like a movie. You can pause, rewind, or slow down any details you wish. Understand? Yes. -Yes. Where are you now? -Where are you now? I'm standing next to Kayleigh, my hands are over her ears. -I'm standing next to Kayleigh, my hands are over her ears. Are you hurting her? -Are you hurting her? No, protecting her. -Okay. Then go a little forward in time. What do you see now? I see a car. -Go on. Nothing can hurt you. Remember, this is only a movie. You're completely safe. I can't... the car vanishes and all of a sudden I'm on the ground in the woods. -I can't... the car vanishes and all of a sudden I'm on the ground in the woods. The car doesn't vanish Evan. The movie in your head has broken, that's all. But now I've re-spliced it and I want you to tell me about the car. -The car doesn't vanish Evan. The movie in your head has broken, that's all. But now I've re-spliced it and I want you to tell me about the car. It's coming... argh! I can't! -It's a little complicated. I haven't seen results exactly like these before. Are you sure? Not even with my father? -This is where we're finding most of the hemorrhaging. The outer lining of the cerebral cortex. Lemme guess. Would that be where the memories are stored? -Hey, Evan. What's the big rush? We don't meet for another hour. Where are my goddamn books? -Where are my goddamn books? Books? -Books? My journals! Where are they? -Think Evan. You've invented a disease that doesn't exist. Alternate universes with colleges, prisons, paraplegia... But I... I need those books. -But I... I need those books. You remind me of your father. He always screamed for a photo album even though he never had one. -You remind me of your father. He always screamed for a photo album even though he never had one. Photos? -Get dressed, Thumper, you're taking me out for my birthday. I thought you were a December baby. -I thought you were a December baby. This is bigger. Seven years to the day. No blackouts. -It's an experiment with flatworms and a maze. You take a flatworm and run it through the maze until he's memorized it. Then you put a new flatworm in the maze. He's clueless. Banging into walls, getting lost, whatever. Like Ozzy. -Just by absorbing the first worm into its cellular structure, it gets all of the worm's memories. That's probably why Hannibal Lecter's so smart. -You really think he wanted to kill you? All I know is that I might be able to unblock some of my repressed memories. -I never wanted to be in the movie anyway and it was cold so I wanted to wear my clothes but Mr. Miller took his shirt off -- What the fuck are you doing? -What the fuck are you doing? Shhh! I need quiet for this. -Are you stupid or what? What? -What? Shucks, I dunno. But maybe there's a reason why you've repressed the one day when some old lecher had you in your tighty whities, dammit! -Whasamatter? Lost your Rolex? Huh? -Huh? Fuck off, frat boy. -Get out. Both of you. Sorry, dude. Just figured it'd be okay with you bein' sick and all. -We should go soon. If Dad catches us smoking down here, we're dead. So let's go. This place creeps me out. -Oh God... what did we do? Shit, Lenny. What's happened to you! We've gotta get help! -I'm sorry Kayleigh. This was a bad idea. You really don't remember anything that happened? -Ouch. I'm sorry. -It's not your fault. Mrs. Kagan called dad and blamed us for what happened to Lenny. Damn. Your dad did this? -I deserve a lot worse. What are you talking about? What you deserve is a better brother and father. All they do is make you feel like shit. -I can't believe Tommy's still pissed at me. He knows I'm moving away, right? He's been acting real strange lately. He won't even look me in the eyes anymore. -He's been acting real strange lately. He won't even look me in the eyes anymore. Duck, here they come. -Did your mom say if Lenny was... okay? He must be. They're letting him go, right? -Welcome home. Thought you might like some fresh air for a change. Hi, Lenny. -God, Evan! I never thought I'd see you again. How've you been? Oh, comme si, comme ca, you know... -Oh, comme si, comme ca, you know... No, Evan. I don't know. It's been a long time. Fill me in. -No, Evan. I don't know. It's been a long time. Fill me in. I'm going to State now. Things are going okay. I guess. Mom's good... -Not since we were kids. I've stopped a hundred times. -I've stopped a hundred times. So how's Tommy? -So how's Tommy? They kept him in juvy for a few years. Now he works over at Dale's Autobody. -No. I emancipated myself when I was fifteen. Wow. That must've taken some courage. -Wow. That must've taken some courage. Not if you remember my dad. -Not if you remember my dad. Couldn't you have moved in with your mom? -Couldn't you have moved in with your mom? She had a new family. Not enough space for me. Said I should have moved in with her when we were kids. But... whatever. -Actually, Kayleigh, the reason I came back to town was to talk to you. Me? Are you kidding? Why? -Me? Are you kidding? Why? Remember when I was a kid I had all these blackouts? -Remember when I was a kid I had all these blackouts? Of course. -Of course. Well, lately some of the memories have begun to come back and I'd kinda like to talk to you about one of them in particular. It'd be a big help. -Well, lately some of the memories have begun to come back and I'd kinda like to talk to you about one of them in particular. It'd be a big help. Well, sure. I'll try to remember. Shoot. -Well, sure. I'll try to remember. Shoot. When we were kids. Your dad was making a movie. Robin Hood or something? -When we were kids. Your dad was making a movie. Robin Hood or something? What do you want to know, Evan? -What do you want to know, Evan? It's just... did he... what happened in the basement? -It's just... did he... what happened in the basement? It was a long time ago. -It was a long time ago. I know, but... -I know, but... Is that why you came all the way back? To ask a lot of stupid questions about Robin Hood? -Is that why you came all the way back? To ask a lot of stupid questions about Robin Hood? No, but I think something really bad might've happened to us. -Just shut up, Evan. You're wasting your breath. You can't hate yourself just because your dad's a twisted freak. -You can't hate yourself just because your dad's a twisted freak. Who are you trying to convince, Evan?! You come all the way out here to stir up my shit just because you had a bad memory!? You want me to cry on your shoulder and tell you that everything's all better now? Well fuck you, Evan! Nothing's gonna be all better! Okay?! Nothing ever gets better! -Jesus, Kayleigh, you're... Incredible. Mmmm... You give good compliment. Clean up and come back to bed. -Where... where are my clothes? Those are your clothes, silly. -Hey, uh, don't go freaking out on me over this, but do you remember when your dad first got his video camera? Well I remember he had one... but he, like, put it away after the first day. Why would that freak me out? -Well I remember he had one... but he, like, put it away after the first day. Why would that freak me out? I dunno. Just being weird. -Oh my God, that was good. Where'd you learn all those new tricks? So it didn't feel... weird? -So it didn't feel... weird? Yeah, if you call multiple orgasms weird. -What do you think it is about us that makes us so perfect? Like, looking back, whatever gave you the nerve to sneak out and visit me after I moved away? As if my dad could've stopped me from seeing you. What's he gonna do to me? -I don't understand, where are you taking me? You'll see. -I don't know what to say. It's beautiful. Go on. Sit down. -Why are you doing all this for me? Simple math. When I woke up this morning and saw your smile... I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. -It's my fault. I should have told you he was released a few weeks ago. Might'a been nice. Like this is gonna do any good. Maybe one of the frat guys has a gun. -Might'a been nice. Like this is gonna do any good. Maybe one of the frat guys has a gun. Please, Evan. Don't even joke. He wouldn't hurt you. He's just trying to scare you away from me. -Please, Evan. Don't even joke. He wouldn't hurt you. He's just trying to scare you away from me. Yeah, right. Tell that to Crockett. -Yeah, right. Tell that to Crockett. It's not his fault, Evan. You knew how bad he had it when we were kids. -It's not his fault, Evan. You knew how bad he had it when we were kids. Don't give me this Oprah-book club bad upbringing shit, because you turned out fine. -Don't give me this Oprah-book club bad upbringing shit, because you turned out fine. My father never laid a hand on me. It's like the prick saved it all up for Tommy. -Are you okay? What do you mean? -What do you mean? It's just... you've been acting kinda strange, you know? -It's just... you've been acting kinda strange, you know? Like how? -Like how? I don't know. You seem... different. You make weird jokes. Your accents changed. You don't even walk the same. -I don't know. You seem... different. You make weird jokes. Your accents changed. You don't even walk the same. I walk differently? -I walk differently? I can't put my finger on it, but everything's a bit off. Even the dinner tonight. It was beautiful, but... -I can't put my finger on it, but everything's a bit off. Even the dinner tonight. It was beautiful, but... I know I've been actin strange lately. It's just that... I don't want anything to happen to us. -Wait. Something's not right. Isn't that your jacket? What? -Evan, stop! You're gonna kill him! He's a fucking maniac! -I want you to take this, Lenny. Today's your day of atonement. I know how guilty you feel about that woman and her baby -- Evan. Stop it. It's not the time. -Evan. Stop it. It's not the time. Now's the only time! Today you get a chance to redeem yourself. Start over with a clean slate. Tabula rasa -- -Oh, I thought you were my eight o'clock. Make it fast, I'm expecting someone. Nice to see you, too. Can I come in? -So how's tricks? Sorry, occupational humor. I get it. You can drop it now. -I get it. You can drop it now. Oh, I'm sorry. Does my line of work make you uncomfortable, precious? -Oh, I'm sorry. Does my line of work make you uncomfortable, precious? No. Just that you need to hurt me with it. I've been where you've been. -No. Just that you need to hurt me with it. I've been where you've been. Ha! Where's that? -Ha! Where's that? The bottom. When you're just a piece of meat waiting for the next attack. -What's happened to you? "You wouldn't believe me. I mean, people always say, ""You wouldn't believe me"", but in this case, it's not even worth trying." -"You wouldn't believe me. I mean, people always say, ""You wouldn't believe me"", but in this case, it's not even worth trying." I've seen some sickening shit. I don't blink twice anymore, especially in your case. -I've seen some sickening shit. I don't blink twice anymore, especially in your case. Why's that? -Why's that? Because you're... different. -Because you're... different. Different? How? -Different? How? Let me ask you a question. Just a little one that's been gnawing at me for years. -Let me ask you a question. Just a little one that's been gnawing at me for years. Yeah? -Yeah? On the bridge. How did you know that Tommy had your dog? That was no fucking hunch. -On the bridge. How did you know that Tommy had your dog? That was no fucking hunch. Do you remember when I was a kid and I had those blackouts? -You're right, Evan, I don't believe you. I never thought you would. That's why I've never bothered to tell a soul until now, and why I never will again. -I never thought you would. That's why I've never bothered to tell a soul until now, and why I never will again. I'm the only person you've told? That's a great line. Does that make other girls swoon? Do they actually eat up this bullshit? -I'm the only person you've told? That's a great line. Does that make other girls swoon? Do they actually eat up this bullshit? I couldn't give a shit if you believe me or not, and frankly I'm too tired to prove it to you. -I couldn't give a shit if you believe me or not, and frankly I'm too tired to prove it to you. Oh? There's proof now? -Oh? There's proof now? Shit. I dunno. How would I know about the twin moles on your inner thigh? -Shit. I dunno. How would I know about the twin moles on your inner thigh? Anyone with fifty bucks could tell you that. -Anyone with fifty bucks could tell you that. Then forget that. How about... you prefer the smell of a skunk to flowers, you hate cilantro because for reasons unknown to you, it reminds you of your step-sister. -I just thought you should know. Know what? -Know what? That I didn't leave you there to rot. -There's one major hole in your story. Which is? -Which is? There is no fuckin' way on this planet or any other that I was in some fuckin' sorority. -Sure you don't want your wallet? Don't think I'll need it where I'm going. -Don't think I'll need it where I'm going. Off to change everyone's life again, is that it? Maybe this time you'll pop up in some mansion while I wind up in Tijuana doing the donkey act. -Off to change everyone's life again, is that it? Maybe this time you'll pop up in some mansion while I wind up in Tijuana doing the donkey act. I'm over it. Whenever I try to help anyone it all turns to shit. -I'm over it. Whenever I try to help anyone it all turns to shit. Well, don't give up now, Slick. You've already done so much for me. Hell, why don't you go back in time and save Mrs. Halpern and her baby. Then maybe Lenny wouldn't freak out and ruin my family. -Where are we going? We have to get you to Sunnyvale. You're having one of your famous hemorrhages. -We have to get you to Sunnyvale. You're having one of your famous hemorrhages. Stop! Take me back! -You know how spiritual he's gotten ever since he saved Mrs. Halpern and Katie. He saved Mrs. Halpern? Please, the twisted fuck. -Is something the matter? Yeah, I think I gotta get these fixed or something. -"Kayleigh? Do you ever think about ""us?"" I mean, wonder if it could ever have been different between the two of us?" Sure, Evan, why not? You were the first person I really ever cared about. -Sure, Evan, why not? You were the first person I really ever cared about. I was? -I was? That's why when I was little I never went to live with my mother. -That's why when I was little I never went to live with my mother. I don't get it. -I don't get it. When my folks split, they gave me and Tommy a choice who we wanted to live with. I couldn't stand my dad, but I knew if I moved to my mom's I'd never see you again. -When my folks split, they gave me and Tommy a choice who we wanted to live with. I couldn't stand my dad, but I knew if I moved to my mom's I'd never see you again. I never knew that. So then you still sometimes think of us... together? -I never knew that. So then you still sometimes think of us... together? It's crossed my mind from time to time. -It's crossed my mind from time to time. And...? -And...? Well a lot of things cross my mind. I've always been a fast thinker, Ev. I can play out the movie of our entire lives in under a second. Boom -- we fall in love -- get married -- two kids, your keen analytical insight matched to my generous nature -- kids grow old as do we, relatively stable relationships, matching burial plots, the whole bit. It took a lot longer to spit out than to imagine. -Well a lot of things cross my mind. I've always been a fast thinker, Ev. I can play out the movie of our entire lives in under a second. Boom -- we fall in love -- get married -- two kids, your keen analytical insight matched to my generous nature -- kids grow old as do we, relatively stable relationships, matching burial plots, the whole bit. It took a lot longer to spit out than to imagine. Then you think it might have worked out? -Then you think it might have worked out? Why not? But that's not how things wound up. I'm with Lenny, Lenny's your friend. And there it ends. -We're really gonna be in a movie!? That's right, Evan, and you get to be the star. -Where am I? What happened? Where did we all go? Calm down, kid. Stand still. -I was just somewhere else -- how did I get here? Quit acting like some retard or I'll call your mother and tell her what a naughty little shit you've been. -Quit acting like some retard or I'll call your mother and tell her what a naughty little shit you've been. Kayleigh? What happened? -What time is it? It's time for you to stand where the hell I told you. -It's time for you to stand where the hell I told you. Wrong answer, fuckbag. This is the very moment of your reckoning. In the next thirty seconds you're going to open one of two doors. The first door will forever traumatize your own flesh and blood. -What's happened to -- How are you doing that? It'll change your daughter from a beautiful child into an empty shell whose only concept of trust was betrayed by her own sick pedophile father. Ultimately, it'll lead to her suicide. Nice work, daddy. -It'll change your daughter from a beautiful child into an empty shell whose only concept of trust was betrayed by her own sick pedophile father. Ultimately, it'll lead to her suicide. Nice work, daddy. Who -- who are you? -Let's just say you're being closely watched, George. Your other option is to get your porn off the rack and treat Kayleigh like... oh, let's say like how a loving father treats his daughter. Sound okay to you, Papa? ...yes. -...yes. Listen close then, fuckbag. You screw up again and I swear I'll flat out castrate you. -Easy does it, Evan! Don't be a bad boy or I'll tell mommy you were naughty. And I'll tell the Child Protective Services about your kiddie porn endeavors. One step closer and I'll shove this up your ass! -That's dangerous! You could blow your hands off! Been there, done that. -It's okay. I won't bite. You've seen pictures of me, right? Uh-huh. Mom says I have your eyes and your -- -Are you okay? You looked like you were somewhere else for a second there. Look, Jason, I need some fast answers if I'm ever gonna fix what I've done. -I was praying this curse would have ended with me. But it didn't. And now I need info to make things right again and you're the only one who can give it to me. -But it didn't. And now I need info to make things right again and you're the only one who can give it to me. "There is no ""right"". When you change who people are, you destroy who they were." -"There is no ""right"". When you change who people are, you destroy who they were." Who's to say you can't make things better? -You can't play God, son. It must end with me. Just by being here, you may be killing your mother. Bullshit. I'll send you a postcard when I've made everything perfect again. -Evan, you're hysterical. You study for this? We'll find out soon enough. -We'll find out soon enough. Me neither. -You're kidding. Are these the answers?! Damn, Evan, on the D.L. -Damn, Evan, on the D.L. Thanks. Wow. Hey, I want to do something really special for Kayleigh tomorrow. If I said I needed some help from you and the brothers... -Thanks. Wow. Hey, I want to do something really special for Kayleigh tomorrow. If I said I needed some help from you and the brothers... I'd say blow me. Get the pledges to do it. -I'm not sure. I might have gotten some stories mixed up. Did Pavlov condition his dogs to lick his nuts? Typical psych major. A complete wise ass. And how's your project coming? Still planning to change the way we humble scientists view memory assimilation? -Typical psych major. A complete wise ass. And how's your project coming? Still planning to change the way we humble scientists view memory assimilation? Hey, I got no choice. -Whoa! Didn't mean to scare you, Evan. Just wanted to know how the flatworms project was coming. Oh, fine I guess. It's been kind of crazy lately with my mom coming up, so I haven't... -Oh, fine I guess. It's been kind of crazy lately with my mom coming up, so I haven't... I know, I know. Who can think of worms when your libido's in full swing, right? -Just don't drop the ball, okay? I won't let you down, Professor Carter. -Remember, everyone! Only two weeks until your science projects are due. I still owe you an essay from last week. Is there any way I could get an extension? -I still owe you an essay from last week. Is there any way I could get an extension? And you are...? -And you are...? Evan Treborn. -Evan Treborn. The answer's 'no', Mr. Treborn. Now take a seat. The exam's about to begin. -So what's the point? Maybe if I can figure out how the memories of a simple worm function, it'll help me understand the complexities of the human brain. -Smells like sex in here. Thumper had a busy afternoon. -Thumper had a busy afternoon. You're kidding. He's so... big. -Most guys tuck their porn under here, but all you have are... comp books. Yeah. I've been keeping journals since I was seven. -Yeah. I've been keeping journals since I was seven. Wow... read something. -"Freeze! No ""worm-boy"". No ""Mr. Worm,"" and no ""Worm-Master-General!"" Once you get a nickname like that you can't shake it. And I don't want everyone thinking I've got tapeworms coming out of my ass or something, okay?" Deal. Now read me something. -Come on, go on... It was like Tommy was possessed or something. There was a hate in his eyes that I couldn't really call human. -It didn't feel like a dream. Maybe because they never do. So Don Juan, you pass out on all your dates? -Can... can... Can I have this? Sure. I was gonna make a new one, anyway. -That should buy you ten minutes at least. Gee, thanks friend. -I couldn't cut the rope. Yeah, good, what else do you remember? -Yeah, good, what else do you remember? Drop it or I'll slit your mother's throat in her sleep. -You knew the whole time, didn't you? When you put the blade in my hand, you knew something big was going to happen. Didn't you?! Y... yes. I guess I did. -Uh, we should be getting to class now. Forget it. What's the point of Psych now? Tomorrow I could wake up as some dirt farmer in Bangladesh. -Are you sure you even packed it? My mom packed for me. I think she sent everything I ever owned. So we'll see. -What do you need it for? I don't get you lately. Duly noted. Now I'm gonna ask you for one last favor. -Duly noted. Now I'm gonna ask you for one last favor. What? -What? Shhh. I need to concentrate on the blockbuster if I'm gonna destroy it. -Shhh. I need to concentrate on the blockbuster if I'm gonna destroy it. Destroy it? -Destroy it? If I hadn't blown my arms off, Mom never woulda started smoking in the first place. Now shhhh. -Hey, what'd you do that for? Fat little baby, crying for mommy. -Tommy, I'm bored shitless over here. What's up already? Hold your horses, man. It's here somewhere. I saw it when I was a kid. -Hurry! Let's go! Get him up, Evan! Come on! What happened?? Where are we?! -Look what you made me do! What's wrong with you?! -Leave us alone you sick fuck! "Get this ""us"" shit. As if I was gonna lay a hand on my own sister. You've done nicely for yourself, Evan. Nice friends, nice life, not to mention you're fucking my sister. Not a bad piece of ass if I say so myself." -What the hell are you doing? It wasn't enough that the whole world loves you, but you had to take away the last person on earth who didn't think I was a piece of shit. -It wasn't enough that the whole world loves you, but you had to take away the last person on earth who didn't think I was a piece of shit. No one thinks you're a piece of shit, Tommy. -No one thinks you're a piece of shit, Tommy. "Right, Evan. I believe you just said ""sick fuck.""" -Listen to me good, Evan... I'll do whatever you want. You don't want me to ever see Kayleigh again, fine. Just let Crockett go. Besides, you kill him now and they'll stick you in juvy for sure. And I know you'd never leave your sister alone with your father. -I did what you said, man! We're pooling our student funds with Hillel House and we're going to have an Awareness Dance. Oh goody, nothing like spinning my chair around to a techno mix of Hava Nagila til I puke. -Lung cancer? Sorry, Mrs. T. He's been out of sorts lately. -Mom. Don't cry. I can change this. I think I'll go check out the chapel. -Just get out, didja? Huh? -Huh? Nothing. Just that my brother did a stint in the pen and he used to eat like that. -Nothing. Just that my brother did a stint in the pen and he used to eat like that. I come from a big family. -I come from a big family. Meant no offense. -Meant no offense. None taken. Hey, uh, does Kayleigh Miller still work here? -None taken. Hey, uh, does Kayleigh Miller still work here? Sorry. Never heard of her. -Evan, guess what? Dad got a new video camera and we're all gonna be in a movie. I don't think Evan gets to be in it -- -I don't think Evan gets to be in it -- Quit it, Tommy. Evan gets to be Robin Hood. I'm gonna be Maid Marian, and you're the Sheriff of Nottingham! -Quit it, Tommy. Evan gets to be Robin Hood. I'm gonna be Maid Marian, and you're the Sheriff of Nottingham! I thought I was the bad guy! -I thought I was the bad guy! You are, silly. He's a bad sheriff. -What did I say about mentioning that bitch? Where the hell are you taking us anyway? Just blow something up already. -Where the hell are you taking us anyway? Just blow something up already. Just blow something up? Are you nuts? There's an art to mass destruction. Would you just paint the Mona Lisa? No. Besides, we're here already. -Wipe that sad-assed look off your face before you get us all busted. You see the way Evan's mom was looking at you? I'm sorry. -Lenny? Come on! Oh my God oh my God... -Shut up, Tommy! Aw, hey now, that was a compliment. -You put the mommy too far away. Mrs. Boswell has macaroni and glue if you wanna fix it. You're such a retard! -Here you go, buddy. What? No frigging way, man. I'm not touching that thing. -What? No frigging way, man. I'm not touching that thing. The hell you aren't. Anyone of us does it, you'll puss out and narc for sure. -The hell you aren't. Anyone of us does it, you'll puss out and narc for sure. Ain't gonna work this time, buddy. Look how small that fuse is! I'll get killed. -Maybe it went out. Should someone check it? Yeah, you do that, Lenny. -Monsieur Rick? Yes? -Yes? Could I speak to you for just a moment, please? -How did you get in here? You're under age. I came with Captain Renault. -I came with Captain Renault. I should have known. -I should have known. My husband is with me, too. -My husband is with me, too. He is? Well, Captain Renault's getting broadminded. Sit down. Will you have a drink? -No, of course not. Do you mind if I do? No. -Monsieur Rick, what kind of man is Captain Renault? Oh, he's just like any other man, only more so. -Oh, he's just like any other man, only more so. No, I mean, is he trustworthy? Is his word -- -No, I mean, is he trustworthy? Is his word -- -- Now, just a minute. Who told you to ask me that? --- Now, just a minute. Who told you to ask me that? He did. Captain Renault did. -He did. Captain Renault did. I thought so. Where's your husband? -I thought so. Where's your husband? At the roulette table, trying to win enough for our exit visa. Well of course, he's losing. -How long have you been married? Eight weeks. We come from Bulgaria. Oh, things are very bad there, Monsieur. A devil has the people by the throat. So, Jan and I, we, we do not want our children to grow up in such a country. -Eight weeks. We come from Bulgaria. Oh, things are very bad there, Monsieur. A devil has the people by the throat. So, Jan and I, we, we do not want our children to grow up in such a country. So you decided to go to America. -So you decided to go to America. Yes, but we have not much money, and traveling is so expensive and difficult. It was much more than we thought to get here. And then Captain Renault sees us and he is so kind. He wants to help us. -Yes, but we have not much money, and traveling is so expensive and difficult. It was much more than we thought to get here. And then Captain Renault sees us and he is so kind. He wants to help us. Yes, I'll bet. -Yes, I'll bet. He tells me he can give us an exit visa, but we have no money. -He tells me he can give us an exit visa, but we have no money. Does he know that? -Does he know that? Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. And he is still willing to give you a visa? -And he is still willing to give you a visa? Yes, Monsieur. -Yes, Monsieur. And you want to know -- -And you want to know -- -- Will he keep his word? --- Will he keep his word? He always has. -Nobody ever loved me that much. And he never knew, and the girl kept this bad thing locked in her heart? That would be all right, wouldn't it? -And he never knew, and the girl kept this bad thing locked in her heart? That would be all right, wouldn't it? You want my advice? -You want my advice? Oh, yes, please. -Oh, yes, please. Go back to Bulgaria. -Go back to Bulgaria. Oh, but if you knew what it means to us to leave Europe, to get to America! Oh, but if Jan should find out! He is such a boy. In many ways I am so much older than he is. -Oh, but if you knew what it means to us to leave Europe, to get to America! Oh, but if Jan should find out! He is such a boy. In many ways I am so much older than he is. Yes, well, everybody in Casablanca has problems. Yours may work out. You'll excuse me. -Monsieur Rick, I -- -- He's just a lucky guy. -Excuse me, but you look like a couple who are on their way to America. Well? -You will find a market there for this ring. I am forced to sell it at a great sacrifice. Thank you, but I hardly think -- -Thank you, but I hardly think -- -- Then perhaps for the lady. The ring is quite unique. -Good. What is your name? -What is your name? Berger, Norwegian, and at your service, sir. -Such a bargain. But that is your decision? I'm sorry. It is. -Mr. Berger, the ring, could I see it again? Yes, Monsieur. -Yes, Monsieur. A champagne cocktail, please. -I recognize you from the news photographs, Monsieur Laszlo. In a concentration camp, one is apt to lose a little weight. -In a concentration camp, one is apt to lose a little weight. We read five times that you were killed in five different places. -We read five times that you were killed in five different places. As you see, it was true every single time. Thank heaven I found you, Berger. I am looking for a man by the name of Ugarte. He is supposed to help me. -I see. But we who are still free will do all we can. We are organized, Monsieur, underground like everywhere else. Tomorrow night there is a meeting at the Caverne du Bois. If you would come... -Monsieur Rick, may I get you a cup of coffee? No thanks, Carl. -No thanks, Carl. Monsieur Rick! -Well, you are in pretty good shape, Herr Rick. How long can I afford to stay closed? -How long can I afford to stay closed? Oh, two weeks, maybe three. -Oh, two weeks, maybe three. Maybe I won't have to. A bribe has worked before. In the meantime, everybody stays on salary. -Maybe I won't have to. A bribe has worked before. In the meantime, everybody stays on salary. Oh, thank you, Herr Rick. Sacha will be happy to hear it. I owe him money. -Now you finish locking up, will you, Carl? I will. Then I am going to the meeting of the -- -I will. Then I am going to the meeting of the -- -- Don't tell me where you're going. --- Don't tell me where you're going. I won't. -I won't. Goodnight. -Goodnight. Goodnight, Monsieur Rick. -The police break up our meeting. Herr Rick! We escaped in the last moment. Come up here a minute. -Yes, I come. I want you to turn out the light in the rear entrance. It might attract the police. -I want you to turn out the light in the rear entrance. It might attract the police. But Sacha always puts out that light -- -But Sacha always puts out that light -- -- Tonight he forgot. --- Tonight he forgot. Yes, I come, I will do it. -I want you to take Miss Lund home. Yes, sir. -Excuse me, Monsieur Rick, but a gentleman inside has won twenty thousand francs. The cashier would like some money. Well, I'll get it from the safe. -Well, I'll get it from the safe. I am so upset, Monsieur Rick. You know I can't understand -- -I am so upset, Monsieur Rick. You know I can't understand -- -- Forget it, Emil. Mistakes like that happen all the time. --- Forget it, Emil. Mistakes like that happen all the time. I'm awfully sorry. -Here you are. It shall not happen again, Monsieur. -It shall not happen again, Monsieur. That's all right. -Here's to you, sir. Er, good luck, yes. -Er, good luck, yes. I'd better be going. -I'd better be going. Er, my check, please. -Er, my check, please. I have to warn you, sir. I beseech you... -Er, goodbye, sir. It has been a pleasure to meet you. -Hello, Rick. Hello, Ferrari. How's business at the Blue Parrot? -Hello, Ferrari. How's business at the Blue Parrot? Fine, but I would like to buy your cafe. -Fine, but I would like to buy your cafe. It's not for sale. -It's not for sale. You haven't heard my offer. -You haven't heard my offer. It's not for sale at any price. -It's not for sale at any price. What do you want for Sam? -What do you want for Sam? I don't buy or sell human beings. -I don't buy or sell human beings. That's too bad. That's Casablanca's leading commodity. In refugees alone we could make a fortune if you would work with me through the black market. -That's too bad. That's Casablanca's leading commodity. In refugees alone we could make a fortune if you would work with me through the black market. Suppose you run your business and let me run mine. -Suppose you run your business and let me run mine. Suppose we ask Sam. Maybe he'd like to make a change. -Suppose we ask Sam. Maybe he'd like to make a change. Suppose we do. -Suppose we do. My dear Rick, when will you realize that in this world today isolationism is no longer a practical policy? -I see the bus is in. I'll take my shipment with me. No hurry. I'll have it sent over. Have a drink with me. -No hurry. I'll have it sent over. Have a drink with me. I never drink in the morning. And every time you send my shipment over, it's always just a little bit short. -I never drink in the morning. And every time you send my shipment over, it's always just a little bit short. Carrying charges, my boy, carrying charges. Here, sit down. There's something I want to talk over with you, anyhow. -The bourbon. The news about Ugarte upset me very much. You're a fat hypocrite. You don't feel any sorrier for Ugarte than I do. -Of course not. What upsets me is the fact that Ugarte is dead and no one knows where those letters of transit are. Practically no one. -Practically no one. If I could lay my hands on those letters, I could make a fortune. -If I could lay my hands on those letters, I could make a fortune. So could I. And I'm a poor businessman. -So could I. And I'm a poor businessman. I have a proposition for whoever has those letters. I will handle the entire transaction, get rid of the letters, take all the risk, for a small percentage. -I have a proposition for whoever has those letters. I will handle the entire transaction, get rid of the letters, take all the risk, for a small percentage. And the carrying charges? -And the carrying charges? Naturally there will be a few incidental expenses. That is the proposition I have for whoever has those letters. -Naturally there will be a few incidental expenses. That is the proposition I have for whoever has those letters. I'll tell him when he comes in. -I'll tell him when he comes in. Rick, I'll put my cards on the table. I think you know where those letters are. -Rick, I'll put my cards on the table. I think you know where those letters are. Well, you're in good company. Renault and Strasser probably think so, too. -That's why I came over here to give them a chance to ransack my place. Rick, don't be a fool. Take me into your confidence. You need a partner. -Shall we draw up the papers, or is our handshake good enough? It's certainly not good enough. But since I'm in a hurry, it'll have to do. -Ah, to get out of Casablanca and go to America! You're a lucky man. Oh, by the way, my agreement with Sam's always been that he gets twenty- five percent of the profits. That still goes. -Oh, by the way, my agreement with Sam's always been that he gets twenty- five percent of the profits. That still goes. Hmmm. I happen to know that he gets ten percent. But he's worth twenty- five. -Hmmm. I happen to know that he gets ten percent. But he's worth twenty- five. And Abdul and Carl and Sacha, they stay with the place, or I don't sell. -And Abdul and Carl and Sacha, they stay with the place, or I don't sell. Of course they stay. Rick's wouldn't be Rick's without them. -Of course they stay. Rick's wouldn't be Rick's without them. Well, so long. -Don't forget, you owe Rick's a hundred cartons of American cigarettes. I shall remember to pay it... to myself. -You see, my dear, the word has gone around. As leader of all illegal activities in Casablanca, I am an influential and respected man. It would not be worth my life to do anything for Monsieur Laszlo. You, however, are a different matter. -As leader of all illegal activities in Casablanca, I am an influential and respected man. It would not be worth my life to do anything for Monsieur Laszlo. You, however, are a different matter. Signor Ferrari thinks it might just be possible to get an exit visa for you. -I will stay here and keep on trying. I'm sure in a little while -- -- We might as well be frank, Monsieur. It will take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca. And the Germans have outlawed miracles. -We've decided, Signor Ferrari. For the present we'll go on looking for two exit visas. Thank you very much. Well, good luck. But be careful. You know you're being shadowed? -I observe that you in one respect are a very fortunate man, Monsieur. I am moved to make one more suggestion, why, I do not know, because it cannot possibly profit me, but, have you heard about Signor Ugarte and the letters of transit? Yes, something. -Yes, something. Those letters were not found on Ugarte when they arrested him. -Do you know where they are? Not for sure, Monsieur, but I will venture to guess that Ugarte left those letters with Monsieur Rick. -Rick? He is a difficult customer, that Rick. One never knows what he'll do or why. But it is worth a chance. -He is a difficult customer, that Rick. One never knows what he'll do or why. But it is worth a chance. Thank you very much. Good day. -It was gracious of you to share it with me. Good day, Mademoiselle, Monsieur. Good day. -And Mademoiselle? You needn't be concerned about me. -Mademoiselle, after this disturbance it is not safe for Laszlo to stay in Casablanca. This morning you implied it was not safe for him to leave Casablanca. -This morning you implied it was not safe for him to leave Casablanca. That is also true, except for one destination, to return to occupied France. -That is also true, except for one destination, to return to occupied France. Occupied France? -Occupied France? Uh huh. Under a safe conduct from me. -Uh huh. Under a safe conduct from me. What value is that? You may recall what German guarantees have been worth in the past. -What value is that? You may recall what German guarantees have been worth in the past. There are only two other alternatives for him. -There are only two other alternatives for him. What are they? -What are they? It is possible the French authorities will find a reason to put him in the concentration camp here. -It is possible the French authorities will find a reason to put him in the concentration camp here. And the other alternative? -And the other alternative? My dear Mademoiselle, perhaps you have already observed that in Casablanca, human life is cheap. Good night, Mademoiselle. -"-- It was ""La Belle Aurore.""" How nice. You remembered. But of course, that was the day the Germans marched into Paris. -How nice. You remembered. But of course, that was the day the Germans marched into Paris. Not an easy day to forget. -Not an easy day to forget. No. -No. I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue. -I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue. Yes. I put that dress away. When the Germans march out, I'll wear it again. -Say goodnight to Sam for me. I will. -I will. "There's still nobody in the world who can play ""As Time Goes By"" like Sam." -"There's still nobody in the world who can play ""As Time Goes By"" like Sam." He hasn't played it in a long time. -Who are you really? And what were you before? What did you do and what did you think? Huh? "We said ""no questions.""" -"We said ""no questions.""" Here's looking at you, kid. -A franc for your thoughts. In America they'd bring only a penny. I guess that's about all they're worth. -In America they'd bring only a penny. I guess that's about all they're worth. I'm willing to be overcharged. Tell me. -I'm willing to be overcharged. Tell me. And I was wondering. -And I was wondering. Yes? -Yes? Why I'm so lucky. Why I should find you waiting for me to come along. -Why I'm so lucky. Why I should find you waiting for me to come along. Why there is no other man in my life? -Why there is no other man in my life? Uh huh. -Uh huh. That's easy. There was. He's dead. -That's easy. There was. He's dead. "I'm sorry for asking. I forgot we said ""no questions.""" -"I'm sorry for asking. I forgot we said ""no questions.""" Well, only one answer can take care of all our questions. -Richard, they'll find out your record. It won't be safe for you here. I'm on their blacklist already, their roll of honor. -My German's a little rusty. It's the Gestapo. They say they expect to be in Paris tomorrow. -With the whole world crumbling, we pick this time to fall in love. Yeah. It's pretty bad timing. Where were you, say, ten years ago? -Yeah. It's pretty bad timing. Where were you, say, ten years ago? Ten years ago? Let's see... ...Yes. I was having a brace put on my teeth. Where were you? -Ten years ago? Let's see... ...Yes. I was having a brace put on my teeth. Where were you? Looking for a job. -Was that cannon fire, or is it my heart pounding? Ah, that's the new German 77. And judging by the sound, only about thirty-five miles away. -Strange. I know so very little about you. I know very little about you, just the fact that you had your teeth straightened. -But be serious, darling. You are in danger and you must leave Paris. No, no, no, no. We must leave. -No, no, no, no. We must leave. Yes, of course, we -- -Yes, of course, we -- -- The train for Marseilles leaves at five o'clock. I'll pick you up at your hotel at four-thirty. --- The train for Marseilles leaves at five o'clock. I'll pick you up at your hotel at four-thirty. No, no. Not at my hotel. I, uh, I have things to do in the city before I leave. I'll meet you at the station, huh? -No, no. Not at my hotel. I, uh, I have things to do in the city before I leave. I'll meet you at the station, huh? All right. At a quarter to five. Say, why don't we get married in Marseilles? -That's too far ahead to plan. Yes, I guess it is a little too far ahead. Well, let's see. What about the engineer? Why can't he marry us on the train? -Yes, I guess it is a little too far ahead. Well, let's see. What about the engineer? Why can't he marry us on the train? Oh, darling! -Well, why not? The captain on a ship can. It doesn't seem fair that... Hey, hey, what's wrong, kid? I love you so much, and I hate this war so much. Oh, it's a crazy world. Anything can happen. If you shouldn't get away, I mean, if, if something should keep us apart, wherever they put you and wherever I'll be, I want you to know... -Oh. I saved my first drink to have with you. Here. No. No, Rick. Not tonight. -No. No, Rick. Not tonight. Especially tonight. -Please. Why did you have to come to Casablanca? There are other places. -Why did you have to come to Casablanca? There are other places. I wouldn't have come if I had known that you were here. Believe me, Rick, it's true. I didn't know. -I wouldn't have come if I had known that you were here. Believe me, Rick, it's true. I didn't know. "It's funny about your voice, how it hasn't changed. I can still hear it. ""Richard dear, I'll go with you any place. We'll get on a train together and never stop.""" -"It's funny about your voice, how it hasn't changed. I can still hear it. ""Richard dear, I'll go with you any place. We'll get on a train together and never stop.""" Please don't. Don't, Rick. I can understand how you feel. -Please don't. Don't, Rick. I can understand how you feel. Huh! You understand how I feel. How long was it we had, honey? -Huh! You understand how I feel. How long was it we had, honey? I didn't count the days. -I didn't count the days. Well, I did. Every one of them. Mostly I remember the last one. A wow finish. A guy standing on a station platform in the rain with a comical look on his face, because his insides had been kicked out. -Can I tell you a story, Rick? Has it got a wow finish? -Has it got a wow finish? I don't know the finish yet. -I don't know the finish yet. Well, go on, tell it. Maybe one will come to you as you go along. -Well, go on, tell it. Maybe one will come to you as you go along. It's about a girl who had just come to Paris from her home in Oslo. At the house of some friends she met a man about whom she'd heard her whole life, a very great and courageous man. He opened up for her a whole beautiful world full of knowledge and thoughts and ideals. Everything she knew or ever became was because of him. And she looked up to him and worshipped him with a feeling she supposed was love. -It's about a girl who had just come to Paris from her home in Oslo. At the house of some friends she met a man about whom she'd heard her whole life, a very great and courageous man. He opened up for her a whole beautiful world full of knowledge and thoughts and ideals. Everything she knew or ever became was because of him. And she looked up to him and worshipped him with a feeling she supposed was love. "Yes, that's very pretty. I heard a story once. As a matter of fact, I've heard a lot of stories in my time. They went along with the sound of a tinny piano playing in the parlor downstairs, ""Mister, I met a man once when I was a kid,"" it'd always begin. Huh. I guess neither one of our stories was very funny. Tell me, who was it you left me for? Was it Laszlo, or were there others in between? Or aren't you the kind that tells?" -I'm sorry I was in no condition to receive you when you called on me last night. It doesn't matter. -Why did you come back? To tell me why you ran out on me at the railway station? Yes. -Yes. Well, you can tell me now. I'm reasonably sober. -Well, you can tell me now. I'm reasonably sober. I don't think I will, Rick. -I don't think I will, Rick. Why not? After all, I got stuck with a railway ticket. I think I'm entitled to know. -Why not? After all, I got stuck with a railway ticket. I think I'm entitled to know. Last night I saw what has happened to you. The Rick I knew in Paris, I could tell him. He'd understand. But the one who looked at me with such hatred... well, I'll be leaving Casablanca soon and we'll never see each other again. We knew very little about each other when we were in love in Paris. If we leave it that way, maybe we'll remember those days and not Casablanca, not last night. -Last night I saw what has happened to you. The Rick I knew in Paris, I could tell him. He'd understand. But the one who looked at me with such hatred... well, I'll be leaving Casablanca soon and we'll never see each other again. We knew very little about each other when we were in love in Paris. If we leave it that way, maybe we'll remember those days and not Casablanca, not last night. Did you run out on me because you couldn't take it? Because you knew what it would be like, hiding from the police, running away all the time? -Did you run out on me because you couldn't take it? Because you knew what it would be like, hiding from the police, running away all the time? You can believe that if you want to. -You can believe that if you want to. Well, I'm not running away any more. I'm settled now, above a saloon, it's true, but... walk up a flight. I'll be expecting you. -All the same, someday you'll lie to Laszlo. You'll be there. No, Rick. No, you see, Victor Laszlo is my husband... and was, even when I knew you in Paris. -How did you get in? The stairs from the street. -I told you this morning you'd come around, but this is a little ahead of schedule. Well, won't you sit down? Richard, I had to see you. -Richard, I had to see you. "You use ""Richard"" again? We're back in Paris." -"You use ""Richard"" again? We're back in Paris." Please. -Please. Your unexpected visit isn't connected by any chance with the letters of transit? It seems that as long as I have those letters I'll never be lonely. -Your unexpected visit isn't connected by any chance with the letters of transit? It seems that as long as I have those letters I'll never be lonely. You can ask any price you want, but you must give me those letters. -You can ask any price you want, but you must give me those letters. I went through all that with your husband. It's no deal. -I went through all that with your husband. It's no deal. I know how you feel about me, but I'm asking you to put your feelings aside for something more important. -I know how you feel about me, but I'm asking you to put your feelings aside for something more important. Do I have to hear again what a great man your husband is? What an important cause he's fighting for? -Do I have to hear again what a great man your husband is? What an important cause he's fighting for? It was your cause, too. In your own way, you were fighting for the same thing. -It was your cause, too. In your own way, you were fighting for the same thing. I'm not fighting for anything anymore, except myself. I'm the only cause I'm interested in. -Richard, Richard, we loved each other once. If those days meant anything at all to you -- -- I wouldn't bring up Paris if I were you. It's poor salesmanship. --- I wouldn't bring up Paris if I were you. It's poor salesmanship. Please. Please listen to me. If you knew what really happened, if you only knew the truth -- -Please. Please listen to me. If you knew what really happened, if you only knew the truth -- -- I wouldn't believe you, no matter what you told me. You'd say anything now to get what you want. -No. Oh, Richard, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but, but you, you are our last hope. If you don't help us, Victor Laszlo will die in Casablanca. What of it? I'm going to die in Casablanca. It's a good spot for it. --- All right. I tried to reason with you. I tried everything. Now I want those letters. Get them for me. I don't have to. I've got them right here. -I don't have to. I've got them right here. Put them on the table. -Put them on the table. No. -No. For the last time, put them on the table. -For the last time, put them on the table. If Laszlo and the cause mean so much to you, you won't stop at anything. All right, I'll make it easier for you. -And then? "It wasn't long after we were married that Victor went back to Czechoslovakia. They needed him in Prague, but there the Gestapo were waiting for him. Just a two-line item in the paper: ""Victor Laszlo apprehended. Sent to concentration camp."" I was frantic. For months I tried to get word. Then it came. He was dead, shot trying to escape. I was lonely. I had nothing. Not even hope. Then I met you." -"It wasn't long after we were married that Victor went back to Czechoslovakia. They needed him in Prague, but there the Gestapo were waiting for him. Just a two-line item in the paper: ""Victor Laszlo apprehended. Sent to concentration camp."" I was frantic. For months I tried to get word. Then it came. He was dead, shot trying to escape. I was lonely. I had nothing. Not even hope. Then I met you." Why weren't you honest with me? Why did you keep your marriage a secret? -Oh, it wasn't my secret, Richard. Victor wanted it that way. Not even our closest friends knew about our marriage. That was his way of protecting me. I knew so much about his work, and if the Gestapo found out I was his wife it would be dangerous for me and for those working with me. When did you first find out he was alive? -When did you first find out he was alive? Just before you and I were to leave Paris together. A friend came and told me that Victor was alive. They were hiding him in a freight car on the outskirts of Paris. He was sick, he needed me. I wanted to tell you, but I, I didn't care. I knew, I knew you wouldn't have left Paris, and the Gestapo would have caught you. So I... well, well, you know the rest. -Just before you and I were to leave Paris together. A friend came and told me that Victor was alive. They were hiding him in a freight car on the outskirts of Paris. He was sick, he needed me. I wanted to tell you, but I, I didn't care. I knew, I knew you wouldn't have left Paris, and the Gestapo would have caught you. So I... well, well, you know the rest. Huh. But it's still a story without an ending. What about now? -Huh. But it's still a story without an ending. What about now? Now? I don't know. I know that I'll never have the strength to leave you again. -Now? I don't know. I know that I'll never have the strength to leave you again. And Laszlo? -And Laszlo? Oh, you'll help him now, Richard, won't you? You'll see that he gets out? Then he'll have his work, all that he's been living for. -Oh, you'll help him now, Richard, won't you? You'll see that he gets out? Then he'll have his work, all that he's been living for. All except one. He won't have you. -I can't fight it anymore. I ran away from you once. I can't do it again. Oh, I don't know what's right any longer. You'll have to think for both of us, for all of us. All right, I will. Here's looking at you, kid. -All right, I will. Here's looking at you, kid. I wish I didn't love you so much. -Richard, Victor thinks I'm leaving with him. Haven't you told him? No, not yet. -No, not yet. But it's all right, isn't it? You were able to arrange everything? -But it's all right, isn't it? You were able to arrange everything? Everything is quite all right. -Everything is quite all right. Oh, Rick! -But why my name, Richard? Because you're getting on that plane. -Because you're getting on that plane. I don't understand. What about you? -I don't understand. What about you? I'm staying here with him 'til the plane gets safely away. -No, Richard, no. What has happened to you? Last night we said -- -- Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing. You're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong. --- Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing. You're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong. But Richard, no, I, I -- -But Richard, no, I, I -- -- You've got to listen to me. Do you have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten we'd both wind up in a concentration camp. Isn't that true, Louis? -I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. No. -No. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. -Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. But what about us? -But what about us? We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we'd lost it, until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night. -We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we'd lost it, until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night. And I said I would never leave you. -And I said I would never leave you. And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going you can't follow. What I've got to do you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... -Yes. She tried everything to get them, and nothing worked. She did her best to convince me that she was still in love with me, but that was all over long ago. For your sake, she pretended it wasn't, and I let her pretend. -Hello, Sam. Hello, Miss Ilsa. I never expected to see you again. -It's been a long time. Yes, ma'am. A lot of water under the bridge. -Yes, ma'am. A lot of water under the bridge. Some of the old songs, Sam. -Some of the old songs, Sam. Yes, ma'am. -Where is Rick? I don't know. I ain't seen him all night. -When will he be back? Not tonight no more. He ain't coming. Uh, he went home. -Not tonight no more. He ain't coming. Uh, he went home. Does he always leave so early? -Does he always leave so early? Oh, he never... well... he's got a girl up at the Blue Parrot. He goes up there all the time. -Oh, he never... well... he's got a girl up at the Blue Parrot. He goes up there all the time. You used to be a much better liar, Sam. -You used to be a much better liar, Sam. Leave him alone, Miss Ilsa. You're bad luck to him. -Leave him alone, Miss Ilsa. You're bad luck to him. Play it once, Sam, for old time's sake. -Play it once, Sam, for old time's sake. I don't know what you mean, Miss Ilsa. -I don't know what you mean, Miss Ilsa. "Play it, Sam. Play ""As Time Goes By.""" -"Play it, Sam. Play ""As Time Goes By.""" Oh I can't remember it, Miss Ilsa. I'm a little rusty on it. -Victor, I, I feel somehow we shouldn't stay here. If we would walk out so soon, it would only call attention to us. Perhaps Ugarte's in some other part of the cafe. -You are very kind. Won't you join us? -This time they really mean to stop me. Victor, I'm afraid for you. -Victor, I'm afraid for you. We have been in difficult places before, haven't we? -I must find out what Berger knows. Be careful. -Be careful. I will, don't worry. -Goodnight. Goodnight. -Goodnight. Goodnight. -We are only interested in two visas, Signor. Please, Ilsa, don't be hasty. -Please, Ilsa, don't be hasty. No, Victor, no. -No, Ilsa, I won't let you stay here. You must get to America. And believe me, somehow I will get out and join you. But, Victor, if the situation were different, if I had to stay and there were only a visa for one, would you take it? -But, Victor, if the situation were different, if I had to stay and there were only a visa for one, would you take it? Yes, I would. -Yes, I see. When I had trouble getting out of Lille, why didn't you leave me there? And when I was sick in Marseilles and held you up for two weeks and you were in danger every minute of the time, why didn't you leave me then? I meant to, but something always held me up. I love you very much, Ilsa. -He does. Could we have a table close to him? And as far away from Major Strasser as possible. -What happened with Rick? We'll discuss it later. -Our faithful friend is still there. Victor, please, don't go to the underground meeting tonight. -Victor, please, don't go to the underground meeting tonight. I must. Besides, it isn't often that a man has a chance to display heroics before his wife. -Don't joke. After Major Strasser's warning tonight, I am frightened. To tell you the truth, I am frightened too. Shall I remain here in our hotel room hiding, or shall I carry on the best I can? -Whatever I'd say, you'd carry on. Victor, why don't you tell me about Rick? What did you find out? Apparently he has the letters. -Apparently he has the letters. Yes? -Yes? But no intention of selling them. One would think if sentiment wouldn't persuade him, money would. -Did he give any reason? He suggested I ask you. -He suggested I ask you. Ask me? -Ask me? "Yes. He said, ""Ask your wife."" I don't know why he said that." -Ilsa, I -- -- Yes? --- Yes? When I was in the concentration camp, were you lonely in Paris? -Yes, Victor, I was. I know how it is to be lonely. Is there anything you wish to tell me? -I know how it is to be lonely. Is there anything you wish to tell me? No, Victor, there isn't. -No, Victor, there isn't. I love you very much, my dear. -Yes, Yes I know. Victor, whatever I do, will you believe that I, that -- -- You don't even have to say it. I'll believe. Goodnight, dear. -Be careful. Of course, I'll be careful. -Are you ready Ilsa? Yes, I'm ready. Goodbye, Rick. God bless you. -Captain, the boy who is playing the piano, somewhere I have seen him. Sam? -Sam? Yes. -Yes. He came from Paris with Rick. -He came from Paris with Rick. Rick? Who's he? -Rick? Who's he? Mademoiselle, you are in Rick's and Rick is -- -Mademoiselle, you are in Rick's and Rick is -- -- Is what? --- Is what? Well, Mademoiselle, he's the kind of a man that, well, if I were a woman and I... were not around, I should be in love with Rick. But what a fool I am talking to a beautiful woman about another man. -Hello, Rick. Oh, you've already met Rick, Mademoiselle? -Well then, perhaps you also --- -- This is Mr. Laszlo. -I can't get over you two. She was asking about you earlier, Rick, in a way that made me extremely jealous. I wasn't sure you were the same. Let's see, the last time we met -- -I'm afraid Major Strasser would insist. You're saying this only to make me go. -How do you do? How do you do? -How do you do? One hears a great deal about Rick in Casablanca. -One hears a great deal about Rick in Casablanca. And about Victor Laszlo everywhere. -And about Victor Laszlo everywhere. Won't you join us for a drink? -And I congratulate you. What for? -What for? Your work. -Your work. Thank you. I try. -Thank you. I try. We all try. You succeed. -I hope we didn't overstay our welcome. Not at all. -We'll come again. Any time. -Good morning. Signor Ferrari is the fat gent at the table. -Good evening. Good evening. You see, here we are again. -Good evening. You see, here we are again. I take that as a great compliment to Sam. I suppose he means to you Paris of, well, happier days. -Monsieur Blaine, I wonder if I could talk to you? Go ahead. -Go ahead. Well, isn't there some other place? It's rather confidential, what I have to say. -Well, isn't there some other place? It's rather confidential, what I have to say. My office. -My office. Right. -You must know it's very important I get out of Casablanca. It's my privilege to be one of the leaders of a great movement. You know what I have been doing. You know what it means to the work, to the lives of thousands and thousands of people that I be free to reach America and continue my work. I'm not interested in politics. The problems of the world are not in my department. I'm a saloon keeper. -I'm not interested in politics. The problems of the world are not in my department. I'm a saloon keeper. My friends in the underground tell me that you have quite a record. You ran guns to Ethiopia. You fought against the fascists in Spain. -My friends in the underground tell me that you have quite a record. You ran guns to Ethiopia. You fought against the fascists in Spain. What of it? -What of it? Isn't it strange that you always happened to be fighting on the side of the underdog? -Isn't it strange that you always happened to be fighting on the side of the underdog? Yes. I found that a very expensive hobby, too. But then I never was much of a businessman. -Are you enough of a businessman to appreciate an offer of a hundred thousand francs? I appreciate it, but I don't accept it. -I appreciate it, but I don't accept it. I'll raise it to two hundred thousand. -I'll raise it to two hundred thousand. My friend, you could make it a million francs, or three, my answer would still be the same. -My friend, you could make it a million francs, or three, my answer would still be the same. There must be some reason why you won't let me have them. -There must be some reason why you won't let me have them. There is. I suggest that you ask your wife. -There is. I suggest that you ask your wife. I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? I said, ask your wife. -I said, ask your wife. My wife? -Well, this might come in handy. Thank you. -Thank you. Had a close one, eh? -Had a close one, eh? Yes, rather. -Don't you sometimes wonder if it's worth all this? I mean what you're fighting for? We might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die. -We might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die. What of it? Then it'll be out of it's misery. -You know how you sound, Monsieur Blaine? Like a man who's trying to convince himself of something he doesn't believe in his heart. Each of us has a destiny, for good or for evil. Yes, I get the point. -I wonder if you do. I wonder if you know that you're trying to escape from yourself and that you'll never succeed. You seem to know all about my destiny. -You seem to know all about my destiny. I know a good deal more about you than you suspect. I know, for instance, that you are in love with a woman. It is perhaps strange that we both should be in love with the same woman. The first evening I came here in this cafe, I knew there was something between you and Ilsa. Since no one is to blame, I, I demand no explanation. I ask only one thing. You won't give me the letters of transit. All right. But I want my wife to be safe. I ask you as a favor to use the letters to take her away from Casablanca. -I know a good deal more about you than you suspect. I know, for instance, that you are in love with a woman. It is perhaps strange that we both should be in love with the same woman. The first evening I came here in this cafe, I knew there was something between you and Ilsa. Since no one is to blame, I, I demand no explanation. I ask only one thing. You won't give me the letters of transit. All right. But I want my wife to be safe. I ask you as a favor to use the letters to take her away from Casablanca. You love her that much? -You love her that much? Apparently you think of me only as the leader of a cause. Well, I am also a human being. -Monsieur Blaine, I don't know how to thank you. Oh, save it. We've still lots of things to do. -I brought the money, Monsieur Blaine. Keep it. You'll need it in America. -Keep it. You'll need it in America. But we made a deal. -But we made a deal. Oh, never mind about that. You won't have any trouble in Lisbon, will you? -Oh, never mind about that. You won't have any trouble in Lisbon, will you? No. It's all arranged. -No. It's all arranged. Good. I've got the letters right here, all made out in blank. -Everything in order? All except one thing. There's something you should know before you leave. -All except one thing. There's something you should know before you leave. Monsieur Blaine, I don't ask you to explain anything. -Monsieur Blaine, I don't ask you to explain anything. I'm going to anyway, because it may make a difference to you later on. You said you knew about Ilsa and me. -I'm going to anyway, because it may make a difference to you later on. You said you knew about Ilsa and me. Yes. -Yes. But you didn't know she was at my place last night when you were. She came there for the letters of transit. Isn't that true, Ilsa? -I understand. Here it is. -Monsieur Laszlo, is it not? Yes. -Yes. I am Captain Renault, Prefect of Police. -I am Captain Renault, Prefect of Police. Yes. What is it you want? -Yes. What is it you want? Merely to welcome you to Casablanca and wish you a pleasant stay. It is not often we have so distinguished a visitor. -Merely to welcome you to Casablanca and wish you a pleasant stay. It is not often we have so distinguished a visitor. Thank you. I hope you'll forgive me, Captain, but the present French administration has not always been so cordial. May I present Miss Ilsa Lund? -Thank you. I hope you'll forgive me, Captain, but the present French administration has not always been so cordial. May I present Miss Ilsa Lund? I was informed you were the most beautiful woman ever to visit Casablanca. That was a gross understatement. -No, Captain, please. No. Please, Monsieur, it is a little game we play. They put it on the bill, I tear the bill up. It is very convenient. -Let us say that it is my request. That is a much more pleasant word. Very well. -My bill. No. Two champagne cocktails, please. -Well! A precedent is being broken. Er, Emil! This is a very interesting cafe. I congratulate you. -Ricky, you're becoming quite human. I suppose we have to thank you for that, Mademoiselle. Ilsa, I don't wish to be the one to say it, but it's late. -Ilsa, I don't wish to be the one to say it, but it's late. So it is. And we have a curfew here in Casablanca. It would never do for the Chief of Police to be found drinking after hours and have to fine himself. -Tomorrow at ten at the Prefect's office. We'll be there. -We'll be there. Goodnight. -I am delighted to see you both. Did you have a good night's rest? I slept very well. -I slept very well. That's strange. Nobody is supposed to sleep well in Casablanca. -That's strange. Nobody is supposed to sleep well in Casablanca. May we proceed with the business? -May we proceed with the business? With pleasure. Won't you sit down? -With pleasure. Won't you sit down? Thank you. -I am afraid not. My regrets, Monsieur. Well, perhaps I shall like it in Casablanca. -And the honor of having served the Third Reich. I was in a German concentration camp for a year. That's honor enough for a lifetime. -Monsieur, insofar as it is in my power -- -- Thank you. --- Thank you. By the way, Monsieur, last night you evinced an interest in Signor Ugarte. -By the way, Monsieur, last night you evinced an interest in Signor Ugarte. Yes. -Yes. I believe you have a message for him? -I believe you have a message for him? Nothing important, but may I speak to him now? -I am making out the report now. We haven't quite decided whether he committed suicide or died trying to escape. Are you quite finished with us? -I'm sure you'll excuse me if I am not gracious, but you see, Major Strasser, I'm a Czechoslovakian. You were a Czechoslovakian. Now you are a subject of the German Reich! -I've never accepted that privilege, and I'm now on French soil. I should like to discuss some matters arising from your presence on French soil. -I should like to discuss some matters arising from your presence on French soil. This is hardly the time or the place. -This is hardly the time or the place. Then we shall state another time and another place. Tomorrow at ten in the Prefect's office, with Mademoiselle. -Then we shall state another time and another place. Tomorrow at ten in the Prefect's office, with Mademoiselle. Captain Renault, I am under your authority. Is it your order that we come to your office? -Very well, Herr Laszlo, we will not mince words. You are an escaped prisoner of the Reich. So far you have been fortunate enough in eluding us. You have reached Casablanca. It is my duty to see that you stay in Casablanca. Whether or not you succeed is, of course, problematical. -Whether or not you succeed is, of course, problematical. Not at all. Captain Renault's signature is necessary on every exit visa. Captain, would you think it is possible that Herr Laszlo will receive a visa? -Is that all you wish to tell us? Don't be in such a hurry. You have all the time in the world. You may be in Casablanca indefinitely... or you may leave for Lisbon tomorrow, on one condition. -Don't be in such a hurry. You have all the time in the world. You may be in Casablanca indefinitely... or you may leave for Lisbon tomorrow, on one condition. And that is? -And that is? You know the leaders of the underground movement in Paris, in Prague, in Brussels, in Amsterdam, in Oslo, in Belgrade, in Athens. -You know the leaders of the underground movement in Paris, in Prague, in Brussels, in Amsterdam, in Oslo, in Belgrade, in Athens. Even in Berlin. -Even in Berlin. Yes, even in Berlin. If you will furnish me with their names and their exact whereabouts, you will have your visa in the morning. -You will give us the names? "If I didn't give them to you in a concentration camp where you had more ""persuasive methods"" at your disposal, I certainly won't give them to you now." -And what if you track down these men and kill them? What if you murdered all of us? From every corner of Europe, hundreds, thousands, would rise to take our places. Even Nazis can't kill that fast. Herr Laszlo, you have a reputation for eloquence which I can now understand. But in one respect you are mistaken. You said the enemies of the Reich could all be replaced, but there is one exception. No one could take your place in the event anything unfortunate should occur to you while you were trying to escape. -Herr Laszlo, you have a reputation for eloquence which I can now understand. But in one respect you are mistaken. You said the enemies of the Reich could all be replaced, but there is one exception. No one could take your place in the event anything unfortunate should occur to you while you were trying to escape. You won't dare to interfere with me here. This is still unoccupied France. Any violation of neutrality would reflect on Captain Renault. -For the time being. Good day. -Unoccupied France welcomes you to Casablanca. Thank you, Captain. It's very good to be here. -Thank you, Captain. It's very good to be here. Major Strasser, my aide, Lieutenant Casselle. -You may find the climate of Casablanca a trifle warm, Major. Oh, we Germans must get used to all climates, from Russia to the Sahara. But perhaps you were not referring to the weather. -Oh, we Germans must get used to all climates, from Russia to the Sahara. But perhaps you were not referring to the weather. What else, my dear Major? -What else, my dear Major? By the way, the murder of the couriers, what has been done? -By the way, the murder of the couriers, what has been done? Realizing the importance of the case, my men are rounding up twice the usual number of suspects. -Oh, there is no hurry. Tonight he'll be at Rick's. Everybody comes to Rick's. I have already heard about this cafe, and also about Mr. Rick himself. -Good evening, gentlemen. Good evening, Captain. -Thank you. It is a pleasure to have you here, Major. Champagne and a tin of caviar. -Champagne and a tin of caviar. May I recommend Veuve Cliquot '26, a good French wine. -May I recommend Veuve Cliquot '26, a good French wine. Thank you. -Especially so tonight, Major. In a few minutes you will see the arrest of the man who murdered your couriers. I expected no less, Captain. -Rick, this is Major Heinrich Strasser of the Third Reich. How do you do, Mr. Rick? -"You repeat ""Third Reich"" as though you expected there to be others." Well, personally, Major, I will take what comes. -Well, personally, Major, I will take what comes. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? Unofficially, of course. -Ho, diplomatist! How about New York? -Rick is completely neutral about everything. And that takes in the field of women, too. You weren't always so carefully neutral. We have a complete dossier on you. -Of course, one must admit he has great courage. I admit he is very clever. Three times he slipped through our fingers. In Paris he continued his activities. We intend not to let it happen again. -You see, Major, you have nothing to worry about Rick. Perhaps. -Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle. -I strongly suspect that Ugarte left the letters of transit with Mr. Blaine. I would suggest you search the cafe immediately and thoroughly. If Rick has the letters, he's much too smart to let you find them there. -If Rick has the letters, he's much too smart to let you find them there. You give him credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he's just another blundering American. -You give him credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he's just another blundering American. "But we mustn't underestimate American blundering. I was with them when they ""blundered"" into Berlin in 1918." -As to Laszlo, we want him watched twenty-four hours a day. It may interest you to know that at this very moment he is on his way here. -You see, Captain, the situation is not as much under control as you believe. My dear Major, we are trying to cooperate with your government, but we cannot regulate the feelings of our people. -Captain Renault, are you entirely certain which side you're on? I have no conviction, if that's what you mean. I blow with the wind, and the prevailing wind happens to be from Vichy. -I have no conviction, if that's what you mean. I blow with the wind, and the prevailing wind happens to be from Vichy. And if it should change? -We are concerned about more than Casablanca. We know that every French province in Africa is honeycombed with traitors waiting for their chance, waiting, perhaps, for a leader. A leader, like Laszlo? -A leader, like Laszlo? Uh, huh. I have been thinking. It is too dangerous if we let him go. It may be too dangerous if we let him stay. -Uh, huh. I have been thinking. It is too dangerous if we let him go. It may be too dangerous if we let him stay. I see what you mean. -You see what I mean? If Laszlo's presence in a cafe can inspire this unfortunate demonstration, what more will his presence in Casablanca bring on? I advise that this place be shut up at once. But everybody's having such a good time. -But everybody's having such a good time. Yes, much too good a time. The place is to be closed. -Yes, much too good a time. The place is to be closed. But I have no excuse to close it. -But I have no excuse to close it. Find one. -What is the meaning of that phone call? Victor Laszlo is on that plane. -Why do you stand here? Why don't you stop him? Ask Monsieur Rick. -Hello, Louis. How extravagant you are, throwing away women like that. Someday they may be scarce. -You know, I think now I shall pay a call on Yvonne, maybe get her on the rebound, eh? When it comes to women, you're a true democrat. -The plane to Lisbon. You would like to be on it? Why? What's in Lisbon? -Why? What's in Lisbon? The clipper to America. -It was a combination of all three. And what in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca? -And what in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca? My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters. -My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters. Waters? What waters? We're in the desert. -Waters? What waters? We're in the desert. I was misinformed. -I was misinformed. Huh! -Rick, there's going to be some excitement here tonight. We are going to make an arrest in your cafe. What, again? -What, again? This is no ordinary arrest. A murderer, no less. -If you are thinking of warning him, don't put yourself out. He cannot possibly escape. I stick my neck out for nobody. -I stick my neck out for nobody. A wise foreign policy. -You know, Rick, we could have made this arrest earlier in the evening at the Blue Parrot, but out of my high regard for you we are staging it here. It will amuse your customers. Our entertainment is enough. -I see. And what's Strasser doing here? He certainly didn't come all the way to Casablanca to witness a demonstration of your efficiency. Perhaps not. -How observant you are. As a matter of fact, I wanted to give you a word of advice. Yeah? Have a brandy? -Yeah? Have a brandy? Thank you. Rick, there are many exit visas sold in this cafe, but we know that you have never sold one. That is the reason we permit you to remain open. -Thank you. Rick, there are many exit visas sold in this cafe, but we know that you have never sold one. That is the reason we permit you to remain open. I thought it was because we let you win at roulette. -I thought it was because we let you win at roulette. That is another reason. There is a man who's arrived in Casablanca on his way to America. He will offer a fortune to anyone who will furnish him with an exit visa. -That is another reason. There is a man who's arrived in Casablanca on his way to America. He will offer a fortune to anyone who will furnish him with an exit visa. Yeah? What's his name? -Yeah? What's his name? Victor Laszlo. -Victor Laszlo. Victor Laszlo? -Rick, that is the first time I have ever seen you so impressed. Well, he's succeeded in impressing half the world. -Well, he's succeeded in impressing half the world. It is my duty to see that he doesn't impress the other half. Rick, Laszlo must never reach America. He stays in Casablanca. -It is my duty to see that he doesn't impress the other half. Rick, Laszlo must never reach America. He stays in Casablanca. It'll be interesting to see how he manages. -It'll be interesting to see how he manages. Manages what? -Manages what? His escape. -His escape. Oh, but I just told you. -- -Oh, but I just told you. -- -- Stop it. He escaped from a concentration camp and the Nazis have been chasing him all over Europe. --- Stop it. He escaped from a concentration camp and the Nazis have been chasing him all over Europe. This is the end of the chase. -This is the end of the chase. Twenty thousand francs says it isn't. -Is that a serious offer? I just paid out twenty. I'd like to get it back. -I just paid out twenty. I'd like to get it back. Make it ten. I am only a poor corrupt official. -Make it ten. I am only a poor corrupt official. Okay. -Okay. Done. No matter how clever he is, he still needs an exit visa, or I should say, two. -Done. No matter how clever he is, he still needs an exit visa, or I should say, two. Why two? -Why two? He is traveling with a lady. -He is traveling with a lady. He'll take one. -He'll take one. I think not. I have seen the lady. And if he did not leave her in Marseilles, or in Oran, he certainly won't leave her in Casablanca. -I think not. I have seen the lady. And if he did not leave her in Marseilles, or in Oran, he certainly won't leave her in Casablanca. Maybe he's not quite as romantic as you are. -Maybe he's not quite as romantic as you are. It doesn't matter. There is no exit visa for him. -It doesn't matter. There is no exit visa for him. Louis, whatever gave you the impression that I might be interested in helping Laszlo escape? -Louis, whatever gave you the impression that I might be interested in helping Laszlo escape? Because, my dear Ricky, I suspect that under that cynical shell you're at heart a sentimentalist. -Oh, laugh if you will, but I happen to be familiar with your record. Let me point out just two items. In 1935 you ran guns to Ethiopia. In 1936, you fought in Spain on the Loyalist side. And got well paid for it on both occasions. -And got well paid for it on both occasions. The winning side would have paid you much better. -The winning side would have paid you much better. Maybe. Well, it seems you are determined to keep Laszlo here. -Maybe. Well, it seems you are determined to keep Laszlo here. I have my orders. -I have my orders. Oh, I see. Gestapo spank. -Yeah, you were saying? Excuse me. -Oh, how do you do? And you already know Herr Heinze of the Third Reich. -That makes Rick a citizen of the world. I was born in New York City if that'll help you any. -Well, you were asking about Rick and here he is. Mademoiselle, may I present -- -- Hello, Ilsa. -Oh, no, Rick never -- -- Thanks. I will. -Oh, it's my party. Another precedent gone. This has been a very interesting evening. I'll call you a cab. Gasoline rationing, time of night. -Well, Ricky. I'm very pleased with you. Now you're beginning to live like a Frenchman. That was some going-over your men gave my place this afternoon. We just barely got cleaned up in time to open. -Well, I told Strasser he wouldn't find the letters here. But I told my men to be especially destructive. You know how that impresses Germans? Rick, have you got these letters of transit? Louis, are you pro-Vichy or Free French? -Louis, are you pro-Vichy or Free French? Serves me right for asking a direct question. The subject is closed. -Serves me right for asking a direct question. The subject is closed. Well, it looks like you're a little late. -Well, it looks like you're a little late. Huh? -So Yvonne's gone over to the enemy. Who knows? In her own way she may constitute an entire second front. I think it's time for me to flatter Major Strasser a little. I'll see you later, Rick. -As I suspected, you're a rank sentimentalist. Yeah? Why? -Yeah? Why? Why do you interfere with my little romances? -Why do you interfere with my little romances? Put it down as a gesture to love. -Put it down as a gesture to love. Well, I forgive you this time. But I'll be in tomorrow night with a breathtaking blonde, and it will make me very happy if she loses. Uh huh! -How can you close me up? On what grounds? I am shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here! -But you haven't any actual proof, and you know it. This isn't Germany or occupied France. All you can do is fine him a few thousand francs and give him thirty days. You might as well let him go now. Ricky, I'd advise you not to be too interested in what happens to Laszlo. If by any chance you were to help him escape -- -Ricky, I'd advise you not to be too interested in what happens to Laszlo. If by any chance you were to help him escape -- -- What makes you think I'd stick my neck out for Laszlo? --- What makes you think I'd stick my neck out for Laszlo? Because one, you've bet ten thousand francs he'd escape. Two, you have the letters of transit, now don't bother to deny it. And, well, you might do it simply because you don't like Strasser's looks. As a matter of fact, I don't like him either. -Because one, you've bet ten thousand francs he'd escape. Two, you have the letters of transit, now don't bother to deny it. And, well, you might do it simply because you don't like Strasser's looks. As a matter of fact, I don't like him either. Well, they're all excellent reasons. -Well, they're all excellent reasons. Don't count too much on my friendship, Ricky. In this matter I'm powerless. Besides, I might lose ten thousand francs. -Don't count too much on my friendship, Ricky. In this matter I'm powerless. Besides, I might lose ten thousand francs. You're not very subtle, but you are effective. I, I get the point. Yes, I have the letters, but I intend using them myself. I'm leaving Casablanca on tonight's plane, the last plane. -You're not very subtle, but you are effective. I, I get the point. Yes, I have the letters, but I intend using them myself. I'm leaving Casablanca on tonight's plane, the last plane. Huh? -Huh? And I'm taking a friend with me. One you'll appreciate. -And I'm taking a friend with me. One you'll appreciate. What friend? -What friend? Ilsa Lund. That ought to put your mind to rest about my helping Laszlo escape. The last man I want to see in America. -Ilsa Lund. That ought to put your mind to rest about my helping Laszlo escape. The last man I want to see in America. You didn't come here to tell me this. You have the letters of transit. You can fill in your name and hers and leave any time you please. Why are you interested in what happens to Laszlo? -Ilsa is Laszlo's wife. She probably knows things that Strasser would like to know. Louis, I'll make a deal with you. Instead of this petty charge you have against him, you can get something really big, something that would chuck him in a concentration camp for years. That would be quite a feather in your cap, wouldn't it? It certainly would. Germany... Vichy would be very grateful. -It certainly would. Germany... Vichy would be very grateful. Then release him. You be at my place a half hour before the plane leaves. -I'll arrange to have Laszlo come there to pick up the letters of transit, and that'll give you the criminal grounds on which to make the arrest. You get him, and we get away. To the Germans that last will be just a minor annoyance. There's still something about this business I don't quite understand. Miss Lund, she's very beautiful, yes, but you were never interested in any woman. -There's still something about this business I don't quite understand. Miss Lund, she's very beautiful, yes, but you were never interested in any woman. Well, she isn't just any woman. -I see. How do I know you'll keep your end of the bargain? I'll make the arrangements right now with Laszlo in the visitor's pen. -I'll make the arrangements right now with Laszlo in the visitor's pen. Ricky, I'm going to miss you. Apparently you're the only one in Casablanca who has even less scruples than I. -Ricky, I'm going to miss you. Apparently you're the only one in Casablanca who has even less scruples than I. Oh, thanks. -Oh, thanks. Go ahead, Ricky. -You're late. I was informed just as Laszlo was about to leave the hotel, so I knew I'd be on time. -I was informed just as Laszlo was about to leave the hotel, so I knew I'd be on time. I thought I asked you to tie up your watchdogs. -I thought I asked you to tie up your watchdogs. Oh, he won't be followed here. -You know, this place will never be the same without you, Ricky. Yes, I know what you mean, but I've already spoken to Ferrari. You'll still win at roulette. -Yes, I know what you mean, but I've already spoken to Ferrari. You'll still win at roulette. Is everything ready? -I have the letters right here. Tell me, when we searched the place, where were they? -Tell me, when we searched the place, where were they? Sam's piano. -Sam's piano. Serves me right for not being musical. --- Not so fast, Louis. Nobody's going to be arrested. Not for a while yet. Have you taken leave of your senses? -Have you taken leave of your senses? I have. Sit down over there. -I have. Sit down over there. Put that gun down. -I suppose you know what you're doing, but I wonder if you realize what this means? I do. We've got plenty of time to discuss that later. -I do. We've got plenty of time to discuss that later. Call off your watch-dogs you said. -Call off your watch-dogs you said. Just the same, you call the airport and let me hear you tell them. And remember, this gun's pointed right at your heart. -Just the same, you call the airport and let me hear you tell them. And remember, this gun's pointed right at your heart. That is my least vulnerable spot. -If you don't mind, you fill in the names. That will make it even more official. You think of everything, don't you? -You think of everything, don't you? And the names are Mr. and Mrs. Victor Laszlo. -Well I was right. You are a sentimentalist. Stay where you are. I don't know what you're talking about. -What you just did for Laszlo, and that fairy tale that you invented to send Ilsa away with him. I know a little about women, my friend. She went, but she knew you were lying. Anyway, thanks for helping me out. -Anyway, thanks for helping me out. I suppose you know this isn't going to be pleasant for either of us, especially for you. I'll have to arrest you of course. -I suppose you know this isn't going to be pleasant for either of us, especially for you. I'll have to arrest you of course. As soon as the plane goes, Louis. -Well, Rick, you're not only a sentimentalist, but you've become a patriot. Maybe, but it seemed like a good time to start. -Maybe, but it seemed like a good time to start. I think perhaps you're right. -It might be a good idea for you to disappear from Casablanca for a while. There's a Free French garrison over at Brazzaville. I could be induced to arrange a passage. My letter of transit? I could use a trip. But it doesn't make any difference about our bet. You still owe me ten thousand francs. -My letter of transit? I could use a trip. But it doesn't make any difference about our bet. You still owe me ten thousand francs. And that ten thousand francs should pay our expenses. -And that ten thousand francs should pay our expenses. Our expenses? -Our expenses? Uh huh. -Uh huh. Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. -Where were you last night? That's so long ago, I don't remember. -That's so long ago, I don't remember. Will I see you tonight? -Will I see you tonight? I never make plans that far ahead. -Give me another. Sacha, she's had enough. -Sacha, she's had enough. Don't listen to him, Sacha. Fill it up. -Rick, I'm sick and tired of having you -- -- Sacha, call a cab. -Come on, we're going to get your coat. Take your hands off me! -Make it official, if you like. What is your nationality? -What is your nationality? I'm a drunkard. -I understand you came here from Paris at the time of the occupation. There seems to be no secret about that. -There seems to be no secret about that. Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris? -Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris? It's not particularly my beloved Paris. -Well, there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade. Aha. Who do you think will win the war? -Aha. Who do you think will win the war? I haven't the slightest idea. -Are my eyes really brown? You will forgive my curiosity, Mr. Blaine. The point is, an enemy of the Reich has come to Casablanca and we are checking up on anybody who can be of any help to us. -You will forgive my curiosity, Mr. Blaine. The point is, an enemy of the Reich has come to Casablanca and we are checking up on anybody who can be of any help to us. My interest in whether Victor Laszlo stays or goes is purely a sporting one. -My interest in whether Victor Laszlo stays or goes is purely a sporting one. In this case, you have no sympathy for the fox, huh? -In this case, you have no sympathy for the fox, huh? Not particularly. I understand the point of view of the hound, too. -Not particularly. I understand the point of view of the hound, too. Victor Laszlo published the foulest lies in the Prague newspapers until the very day we marched in, and even after that he continued to print scandal sheets in a cellar. -You'll excuse me, gentlemen. Your business is politics. Mine is running a saloon. Good evening, Mr. Blaine. -I would advise you not to interfere. I was willing to shoot Captain Renault, and I'm willing to shoot you. -Hello? Put that phone down! -Put that phone down! Get me the Radio Tower! -Get me the Radio Tower! Put it down! -Uh, excuse me, please. Hello, Rick. Hello Ugarte. -Huh. You know, Rick, watching you just now with the Deutsches Bank, one would think you'd been doing this all your life. Well, what makes you think I haven't? -Well, what makes you think I haven't? Oh, nothing. But when you first came to Casablanca, I thought -- -Oh, nothing. But when you first came to Casablanca, I thought -- -- You thought what? -May I? Too bad about those two German couriers, wasn't it? They got a lucky break. Yesterday they were just two German clerks. Today they're the 'Honored Dead'. -They got a lucky break. Yesterday they were just two German clerks. Today they're the 'Honored Dead'. You are a very cynical person, Rick, if you'll forgive me for saying so. -Thank you. Will you have a drink with me please? No. -No. I forgot. You never drink with... I'll have another, please. You despise me, don't you? -I forgot. You never drink with... I'll have another, please. You despise me, don't you? If I gave you any thought, I probably would. -If I gave you any thought, I probably would. But why? Oh, you object to the kind of business I do, huh? But think of all those poor refugees who must rot in this place if I didn't help them. That's not so bad. Through ways of my own I provide them with exit visas. -But why? Oh, you object to the kind of business I do, huh? But think of all those poor refugees who must rot in this place if I didn't help them. That's not so bad. Through ways of my own I provide them with exit visas. For a price, Ugarte, for a price. -For a price, Ugarte, for a price. But think of all the poor devils who cannot meet Renault's price. I get it for them for half. Is that so parasitic? -But think of all the poor devils who cannot meet Renault's price. I get it for them for half. Is that so parasitic? I don't mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one. -I don't mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one. Well, Rick, after tonight I'll be through with the whole business, and I am leaving finally this Casablanca. -Well, Rick, after tonight I'll be through with the whole business, and I am leaving finally this Casablanca. Who did you bribe for your visa? Renault or yourself? -Who did you bribe for your visa? Renault or yourself? Myself. I found myself much more reasonable. -One moment. Tonight I'll be selling those for more money than even I have ever dreamed of, and then, addio Casablanca! You know, Rick, I have many friends in Casablanca, but somehow, just because you despise me you're the only one I trust. Will you keep these for me? Please. For how long? -For how long? Perhaps an hour, perhaps a little longer. -Perhaps an hour, perhaps a little longer. I don't want them here overnight. -I don't want them here overnight. Don't be afraid of that. Please keep them for me. Thank you. I knew I could trust you. -Rick! Rick, help me! Don't be a fool. You can't get away. -Don't be a fool. You can't get away. Rick, hide me. Do something! You must help me, Rick. Do something! -Sam, Ferrari wants you to work for him at the Blue Parrot. I like it fine here. -I like it fine here. He'll double what I pay you. -He'll double what I pay you. Yeah, but I ain't got time to spend the money I make here. -Yeah, but I ain't got time to spend the money I make here. Sorry. -Boss! Yeah? -Yeah? Boss, ain't you going to bed? -Boss, ain't you going to bed? Not right now. -Ain't you planning on going to bed in the near future? No. -No. You ever going to bed? -You ever going to bed? No. -No. Well, I ain't sleepy either. -Well, I ain't sleepy either. Good. Then have a drink. -Good. Then have a drink. No. Not me, boss. -No. Not me, boss. Then don't have a drink. -Then don't have a drink. Boss, let's get out of here. -Boss, let's get out of here. No, sir. I'm waiting for a lady. -No, sir. I'm waiting for a lady. Please, boss, let's go. Ain't nothing but trouble for you here. -Please, boss, let's go. Ain't nothing but trouble for you here. She's coming back. I know she's coming back. -She's coming back. I know she's coming back. We'll take the car and drive all night. We'll get drunk. We'll go fishing and stay away until she's gone. -We'll take the car and drive all night. We'll get drunk. We'll go fishing and stay away until she's gone. Shut up and go home, will you? -Shut up and go home, will you? No, sir. I'm staying right here. -They grab Ugarte and she walks in. Well, that's the way it goes. One in, one out. Sam? Yeah, boss? -Yeah, boss? Sam, if it's December 1941 in Casablanca, what time is it in New York? -Sam, if it's December 1941 in Casablanca, what time is it in New York? Uh, my watch stopped. -Uh, my watch stopped. I bet they're asleep in New York. I'll bet they're asleep all over America. -What's that you're playing? Just a little something of my own. -Just a little something of my own. Well, stop it. You know what I want to hear. -Well, stop it. You know what I want to hear. No, I don't. -No, I don't. You played it for her and you can play it for me. -You played it for her and you can play it for me. Well, I don't think I can remember it. -Well, I don't think I can remember it. If she can stand it, I can. Play it! -If she can stand it, I can. Play it! Yes, boss. -This sort of takes the sting out of being occupied, doesn't it, Mr. Richard? You said it! Here's looking at you, kid. -And getting closer every minute. Here. Drink up. We'll never finish the other three. The Germans'll be here pretty soon now, and they'll come looking for you. And don't forget there's a price on your head. -Where is she? Have you seen her? No, Mr. Richard. I can't find her. -It took this test package thirty-two hours to get from Seattle to St. Petersburg, a distance of nine thousand miles. And then it took forty-one hours to get from our warehouse in St. Petersburg to here, a distance of, what -- Six kilometers. Four miles. -Six kilometers. Four miles. So how are we going to get this place shaped up? -It's bad. Worse than Warsaw. -Worse than Warsaw. Nobody remembers that. -Nobody remembers that. The failures they remember. It's the successes they forget. -Save some for tomorrow. Catch another fish tomorrow. -Shit! Shit! Shit! Stay calm, identify the problem. Problem, rope fraying. Solution, fix rope. -Stay calm, identify the problem. Problem, rope fraying. Solution, fix rope. With what? There's nothing to fix it with. This rope comes undone, you're going to drown. -Get up. Feels so good to lie here. -Feels so good to lie here. Get up, damn you. -Can't. Need water. You've had today's water. -You've had today's water. Thirsty. -Thirsty. Come on, shape up, get going, you can do it. -Come on, shape up, get going, you can do it. No water, no work. -Okay look, I know you're tired, I know you're thirsty, but give it one more shot, you've just got to do a little more. Do too much, I'll die. -Do too much, I'll die. Do too little you'll die. -Do too little you'll die. Going to die anyway. -No more water, you said. Take it. -Take it. No. -No. Take it, damn it. -Take it, damn it. No. -No. Wilson, do you believe this? Take the damn water. -If they can't see you, what's the point? Survive today, that's the point. -Polaris, where are you? Maybe I'm too far south. You don't know where you are. You missed the shipping lanes. -You don't know where you are. You missed the shipping lanes. Moon's too bright. -You're putting off the inevitable. I'm putting it off. -Get water! Fix raft first. -Fix raft first. Water water water -- -You're beautiful. Marry me. You idiot, if he dives, he'll capsize the raft. -What are you doing? Can't kill another one. Can't. Can't kill my friends anymore. -Can't kill another one. Can't. Can't kill my friends anymore. You fucking bleeding heart, you kill or you die. -You fucking bleeding heart, you kill or you die. Why do they have to die for me? -Why do they have to die for me? They'd eat you if they could. They're laughing at you. Listen. -I'm lost. Goodbye. No! -Look, just slip off the raft. The ocean would feel so good, the water's so soft and warm. Take a little swim. Sleep. You quitter you quitter you quitter. -You quitter you quitter you quitter. The sea is lovely, dark and deep. -The sea is lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep. Got to fix the sea anchor. Use the sail. -But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep. Got to fix the sea anchor. Use the sail. Use the sail for a sea anchor and you won't move. -Use the sail for a sea anchor and you won't move. If I don't have a sea anchor I'll capsize. -If I don't have a sea anchor I'll capsize. Die tomorrow or die today. -That's death knocking, knocking on your door. Crazy little woman come knocking, knocking at my front door... Grow up, stop being such a baby. Other people get through a lot worse. -Grow up, stop being such a baby. Other people get through a lot worse. Yeah, sure, what? -You know, Wilson, every now and then we should say thank you. Thank you God. Thank you for fucking up my life. -What are you smiling about? They'll be back. I'm dancing on the roof of the Peabody Hotel. With Kelly. -They're never going to see you. You're just another piece of trash in the ocean. They're on autopilot. -They're on autopilot. They're always on autopilot. Or else it's night, or you're in the sun, or you're in the trough of a wave. They'll never see you. -They're always on autopilot. Or else it's night, or you're in the sun, or you're in the trough of a wave. They'll never see you. Damn it! Don't be so negative! -I float. You sink. End of story. I'm serious. I'm always going on about me, me, me. Enough about me. Your turn. -I'm serious. I'm always going on about me, me, me. Enough about me. Your turn. It's a fucking soccer ball, you idiot. -It's a fucking soccer ball, you idiot. Shut up. -What's so damn funny? You are. -Jesus. Look again, asshole. It's a mirage. -It's real. Nothing out there but ocean. -Nothing out there but ocean. Let's get a second opinion. Wilson? What do you see? -What did it matter if FedEx was five minutes late one day? The next day we just start over again. It matters. We do the best we can, that's all we have. -It matters. We do the best we can, that's all we have. Then we've just got shit. -You can't make it. Shut up. I don't feel like dying today. -You came on a bicycle? No wonder it's so late. There was an unavoidable delay. -Well, I have to say, I'm impressed. You never gave up. No. -You know what happened to this? As much as anybody. -As much as anybody. Want to come in? Get dry for a minute. -Want to come in? Get dry for a minute. Okay. Sure. -Hmmm. Feels like it might have gotten wet. Possible. So you did those wings? -Possible. So you did those wings? Yeah. A long time ago. -Yeah. A long time ago. They're harder to do than they look. -They're harder to do than they look. Oh? You've tried? -Oh? You've tried? Well, I do a little drawing -- -Our apologies that it never made it to the recipient. He was a sorry sonofabitch, and I'm sorry I ever married him. -I can't believe this. I -- I -- They are... You're a gifted artist. You're into something very powerful. Primal. Truly. Well, not really, I -- -Well, not really, I -- You are. Yes you are. What gave you the idea to paint on that cave? -To tell you the truth -- you did. Do you...have any more packages to deliver? -Do you...have any more packages to deliver? No. that was the last one. -No. that was the last one. Just sit here, I'll get us some lunch. -Keep painting. Promise me. Sure. -Did you really steal a crippled kid's bicycle to make your deliveries, or is that just some bullshit story? I didn't steal it, and he wasn't crippled. -What brings you out to the sticks? Had a package to deliver. -Had a package to deliver. You? Personally? -You? Personally? I had it on the island with me. -I had it on the island with me. Must be a story there. -Yeah, a long one. I've got lots of time. -I've got lots of time. So do I. -Sonofabitch! Hey, be nice to it, it'll be nice to you. -Your eyes are puffy. Did you take Valium again? You smell like formaldehyde. -My last chapter's in there, and the damn machine's jammed. Let's take a look. -How was Russia? Cold. -Cold. Don't overwhelm me with details, you know how I hate that. Did you get it fixed? -Don't overwhelm me with details, you know how I hate that. Did you get it fixed? I thought I did. -Got to follow the paper path here. Chuck, forget the Xerox. So Russia didn't turn out well? -Chuck. What do you want me to say? That I thought I'd done a great job but it all turned to shit? That I might as well have gone sailing for all the good I did? -What do you want me to say? That I thought I'd done a great job but it all turned to shit? That I might as well have gone sailing for all the good I did? Yeah, tell me. Tell me all of it. -Merry Christmas eve. Not if you work for FedEx. -Four four. A record. You don't seem too happy about it. -You don't seem too happy about it. Ah, the staff meeting could have gone better. -Ah, the staff meeting could have gone better. Let me guess, Russia came up? -Hey, look at you. I figure, if we could take care of a puppy, we could, you know, take care of -- -He is a cute thing. He's your cute thing. -He's your cute thing. I can't even keep fish alive. -I can't even keep fish alive. A puppy's got a little more personality than a fish. -A puppy's got a little more personality than a fish. And for you -- -You know, for when you travel. For when I travel? -I have to go. I'm on call for overflow down at the Hub. A ring. I wanted a ring. -A ring. I wanted a ring. You did? -Look, I love the puppy. I love you. But I have to go. You can't go now. -You can't go now. I have to. -I have to. You want to. -This isn't working out. We're a little emotional here. It's Christmas, maybe we're over-reacting. -We're a little emotional here. It's Christmas, maybe we're over-reacting. """We're"" not over-reacting." -"""We're"" not over-reacting." Could you watch Jango? -Could you watch Jango? No. -No. I can't take him to work. -That's your dog. It's our dog. It belongs to us. -It's our dog. It belongs to us. There isn't any us. -There isn't any us. Yes there is. -I'm sorry about the presents. I got a little carried away. No, it was great. Maybe a little overkill -- -No, it was great. Maybe a little overkill -- I burned the Christmas tree. -Why didn't you come over, get mad at me, tell me what a stupid bitch I was. I guess I hadn't thought through how I felt. -I guess I hadn't thought through how I felt. What, you were going to come over the next day all calm and say, Kelly that really made me mad? Don't tell me you're mad. Be mad. Be who you are right now. -What, you were going to come over the next day all calm and say, Kelly that really made me mad? Don't tell me you're mad. Be mad. Be who you are right now. Look, we'll do our trip as soon as I get back. -Look, we'll do our trip as soon as I get back. Don't even start. -Get back? From where? Malaysia. They're holding the sweep. -Chuck, you're breaking my heart. A week, max. Okay? Okay? -A week, max. Okay? Okay? Go on. We'll be fine. I'll feed Jango to the frogs. -I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Hey...hey...it's okay! -Right back, you said you'd be right back. A few things came up. Or went down. -I got married. I thought you might have. -I thought you might have. I would never -- -I would never -- I know. -I know. If I'd known you were alive -- -If I'd known you were alive -- I would have done the same thing. -I didn't want to. It just happened. One day Gary was there. He took care of everything. He took care of me. I was a mess. You have any children? -Her name's Hannah. Is that Jango? -Is that Jango? No, this is Jack. Jango was hit by a UPS truck. Can you believe it? -What's that? That's my sea anchor. My second one. Made it out of part of the sail. It keeps you from capsizing in a storm. In theory. And this, this I used to collect water. About half a cup a day. -All that time I waited to go on a cruise, and you went without me. Yeah, well...couldn't be helped. -What's that, written on the sail? My epitaph. -There was a coffin? Yeah, coffin, headstone, the whole thing. -Yeah, coffin, headstone, the whole thing. What was inside? -What was inside? Your calendar, your cell phone, your whoo pig sooey hat, some pictures of that ketch you wanted. -Your calendar, your cell phone, your whoo pig sooey hat, some pictures of that ketch you wanted. That about sums it up. -That about sums it up. Maybe now's when you tell me about it. -Maybe now's when you tell me about it. The plane went down. My friends died. I washed up on an island. Then I found these barrels, built the raft, and here I am. -The plane went down. My friends died. I washed up on an island. Then I found these barrels, built the raft, and here I am. Yeah? -Yeah? The tide came in, the tide went out. I survived. That's the headline. I survived. -The tide came in, the tide went out. I survived. That's the headline. I survived. Don't overwhelm me with the details. You know how I hate that. -Come on. Try. Cliches, mainly. Don't take anyone for granted. Don't sweat the small stuff. Live each day like it's your last. -Cliches, mainly. Don't take anyone for granted. Don't sweat the small stuff. Live each day like it's your last. So simple to say, so hard to do. -So simple to say, so hard to do. Not when you have no choice. -You hated being alone. Couldn't stand it. Busy every minute. Always plugged into something. I didn't know what really being alone was. No one back here does. -This is so unfair. That's what I told the fish I caught. But I ate them anyway. -You okay? Great. Really. -What will you do? I don't know. I really don't know. -I've got to get back to Memphis. Hannah's babysitter has finals. It means a lot...that you came. -It means a lot...that you came. I had to come. To be sure you were okay. -I love you, Chuck. You too. -You too. I'm so glad you're alive. -I need the latest PDRs on St. Petersburg. And how was your Christmas? -And how was your Christmas? Terrific. Yours? -When's the next Jumbo? The regular flight is scheduled for oh three hundred tomorrow. -The regular flight is scheduled for oh three hundred tomorrow. Anything else? -Anything else? There's a sweep leaving Memphis in an hour, goes through Sydney. -My favorite doctor. What's the verdict? Under the circumstances your overall health is good. Those salt water boils you picked up on the raft are ulcerated, but they're healing nicely. -Sorry...sorry... Why do my joints still ache? Dehydration. Vitamin deficiency. Protein deficiency. Any or all of the above. -Dehydration. Vitamin deficiency. Protein deficiency. Any or all of the above. All I ate was fish. That's solid protein. -All I ate was fish. That's solid protein. Protein digestion is very costly in water usage. -Protein digestion is very costly in water usage. Which I didn't have. -Which I didn't have. And fish are very low in fat, which is energy inefficient. So you're going to burn up your own cells no matter how much you eat. Luckily you ate the eyes and pancreas, which contain some Vitamin C, so you didn't get scurvy. -I am one lucky guy. Your body chemistry and your exposure to the elements would normally lead to irritability, depression, anxiety, periods of self-reproach. It's almost like schizophrenia. Different sides of your personality might come to life, speak out, act out. -Your body chemistry and your exposure to the elements would normally lead to irritability, depression, anxiety, periods of self-reproach. It's almost like schizophrenia. Different sides of your personality might come to life, speak out, act out. But all that's behind me. I'm fine now. -If you say you are. I most definitely say I am. -I most definitely say I am. Doctor Hegel tells me he discussed the Vietnam POW syndrome with you. -Yes, yes he did. You are aware of the potential disruptiveness on your loved ones when you return to your old life? -You are aware of the potential disruptiveness on your loved ones when you return to your old life? Not to mention on me. -Doc, I'm not on the island. I'm not on the raft. I'm alive. I'm so glad to be back, I can't tell you. I just want out of here. Well, when that IV runs out, you're through with us. Just the dentist tomorrow. -Need some help? You bet I do. High tide comes right up to this road. -You're not out of Pascagoula, are you? No. -I used to drive one of those. A long time ago. Hey, once a driver, always a driver. You want a lift? I've just got one more pickup. -Hey, once a driver, always a driver. You want a lift? I've just got one more pickup. Sure. -You're Chuck Noland. Yeah. -Bless us O Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thou bounty, through Christ the Lord. Amen. Let's eat. -Thought you were going to bring her. So did I. -But chickens? Sixty three pounds consumed per capita, up from twenty seven in 1960. Going to pass beef. Chicken's global. No religious taboos. You don't see your Hindus and your Muslims boycotting poultry. -Sixty three pounds consumed per capita, up from twenty seven in 1960. Going to pass beef. Chicken's global. No religious taboos. You don't see your Hindus and your Muslims boycotting poultry. True enough. No sacred chickens nowhere, so far as I know. -Really? Come on down to the plant. It's state of the art. We're doing for chickens what FedEx did for the delivery business. -Come on down to the plant. It's state of the art. We're doing for chickens what FedEx did for the delivery business. Just don't count 'em before they hatch. -What happened to your pants? Mom, meet Jango. -It seemed like she had such a good time last time. It's nothing you did, Mom, believe me. -Look, I help take care of the place. You got my check, didn't you Mom? That new roof, that's your doing. -Mom, this is a farm. We've got real strawberries growing outside, we've got real cream. Oh no, the prodigal son's home. We bring out the store bought. -Maybe I should take a few days off. Roger's working now, you could use some help around here... Don't you even think about it. -Don't you even think about it. The place is falling apart. -The place is falling apart. I'm doing fine. -Doing great, Mom, don't worry about me. There's settled folks, and there's nomads. You're just not a settled folk. You never belonged here. -When'd you start working here? Roger got me on. I wasn't doing anything, and -- but you're back, you're really back. I would have come to Memphis, but -- -Roger got me on. I wasn't doing anything, and -- but you're back, you're really back. I would have come to Memphis, but -- I wanted to come here. -I've got all this back pay coming. Why don't you let me get you a place in town? This is my home. I'm part of the wallpaper. -What a journey you've had. It seems more than a person should have to bear. The tide saved me, Mom. I lived by it. I'm just wondering where it will take me next. -Trying. Kamal, you're breaking up. Can you hear us? -Okay. After three years the PTR reverts to tape storage, which is okay because we access it through the CPC. Here it is. Ten packages from the same sender. Baku. Delhi. St. Petersburg. The guy was a real road warrior. This package was Kuala Lampur. No activity in his account after this package. No forwarding addresses after K.L. What about the sender? -What about the sender? Sure. Bettina Peterson. Marfa, Texas. Let's run a current check. -Hmmm. Durango, Colorado; Asheville, North Carolina, then...canceled her account. Can you find her? -Can you find her? You're looking at a Level III search. For your Level III, you gotta have E-4 authorization. I don't have it. -Kamal is not here. Who is this? Where is Kamal? -Who is this? Where is Kamal? It is Ibrim, I, I am a sorter. -It is Ibrim, I, I am a sorter. What's going on down there? -What's going on down there? Kamal is not here. We are very defused. -Kamal is not here. We are very defused. Who's in charge then, where is Chinn? -What do you expect, from the guy who stole a kid's bicycle when his truck broke down? Borrowed. I borrowed it. -How'd it go? Great. Terrific. The good guys won one for a change. -You what? It was fifteen minutes late. -I checked the weather, you had the jet stream, you could have made it up. But I might not have. -But I might not have. Jesus. I got it working... You have no idea how hard it was... They're finally a team... -Jesus. I got it working... You have no idea how hard it was... They're finally a team... I'm touched. -I'm touched. You fucked us over. -You fucked us over. The point of FedEx, as I understand it, is to make the damn connection. -The point of FedEx, as I understand it, is to make the damn connection. I was making a point. -I was making a point. What? Let Paris hold its plane? Let Memphis take care of it? Let somebody down the line clean up your mess? -What? Let Paris hold its plane? Let Memphis take care of it? Let somebody down the line clean up your mess? Every person counts, every package counts, that's my point. -Every person counts, every package counts, that's my point. You know what your problem is? You just see the packages in front of you. You don't see the big picture. -You know what your problem is? You just see the packages in front of you. You don't see the big picture. "Baloney. I do see the damn ""big picture.""" -I didn't know we had sailboats. It's a ketch Kelly and I had chartered. -It's a ketch Kelly and I had chartered. For all those vacation days you got coming. -And never take. Look, I'm sorry about your plane. But I couldn't risk being late into Memphis. -Look, I'm sorry about your plane. But I couldn't risk being late into Memphis. Forget it. -Forget it. You know General McLelland, he wouldn't attack unless he had everything just right. Finally Abe Lincoln came to him and said, General, if you're not going to use my army, could I borrow it for a while? So he gave it to Grant and Grant just said, let's go. -You know General McLelland, he wouldn't attack unless he had everything just right. Finally Abe Lincoln came to him and said, General, if you're not going to use my army, could I borrow it for a while? So he gave it to Grant and Grant just said, let's go. I'm from Arkansas. Tell me a story with Robert E. Lee in it and maybe I'll pay attention. -I'm from Arkansas. Tell me a story with Robert E. Lee in it and maybe I'll pay attention. We're warriors, not desk jockeys. We've got to be bold. You always want all your ducks lined up. But nothing's 100 percent. It's always 60-40, maybe 51-49. Hell, I'd take 40-60. Then roll the dice. -We're warriors, not desk jockeys. We've got to be bold. You always want all your ducks lined up. But nothing's 100 percent. It's always 60-40, maybe 51-49. Hell, I'd take 40-60. Then roll the dice. That's why you're a gambling man. -That's why you're a gambling man. That's why I'm running foreign and you're not. That's why you're not married and I am. -That's why I'm running foreign and you're not. That's why you're not married and I am. For the third time. -For the third time. Take the plunge, admit your mistakes, move on to tomorrow. That's FedEx, that's women, that's life. -You are one sick fucker. I'm trying to help you here. There's Warsaw, there's this -- -I'm trying to help you here. There's Warsaw, there's this -- This was nothing like Warsaw. I held the truck then minutes, it's not that big a deal. -A hundred rubles St. Petersburg hits 95 percent in a month. Ninety five percent? Just give me the money now. -Ninety five percent? Just give me the money now. Talk is cheap. Are we on or not? -Talk is cheap. Are we on or not? We're on. -Malaysia's tanking. We're meeting in ten in operations. Right. Get me everything on Indonesia, New Guinea, all the way to Australia. -Hello? Stan, it's Chuck...Chuck Noland... -God damn! God damn! Chuck, it's you! It's me. -It's me. You're fucking dead! -You're fucking dead! I'm most definitely not dead. And as I recall, you're the sick fucker. -I beat the odds! You beat 'em to shit, pal! Jesus! -Hello. This is Amber. Her boyfriend lost his foot in a shark attack. -How about we go somewhere else? Want to see my raft? -This stinks really bad. You should have smelled me. -Cool ropes. I braided them. -I braided them. Must have taken a hell of a long time. -Must have taken a hell of a long time. Time I had lots of. -You were how long on this? Forty-three days. -When I first showed up, I thought you'd lost your fucking marbles. I never thought it would end. Then it did. It was so great to be saved, I couldn't stop laughing. -To Wilson. To Wilson. -You've been over the line and you came back. You've been saved, hallelujah! Hallelujah. -I'm serious. The burning bush, the big picture, the words in neon... What's it all about? It's about being so thirsty you'd crush a fish's backbone to suck out the spinal fluid -- that's what it's about. -To life. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. To life. -To life. That's all there is. -That's all there is. Believe me I know. -Digital laser readers. Digital laser readers. Wow. Terrific. -Take your time. What? -What? That's what it's about. -That's what it's about. Being patient. Don't rush things. I get it. -Not just that. Take your time. Use it. Live it. Deep, real deep. -What, then? Deliver this package. Then, I dunno. -Deliver this package. Then, I dunno. You want that delivered, we'll deliver it. That's what we do. -You want that delivered, we'll deliver it. That's what we do. I need to do it. -I need to do it. Finish what you started. You haven't changed, Chuck. It's still you. -Thanks. For everything. No sweat. -Permission to come aboard, sir. Permission granted. -Permission granted. May I ask, where are you bound? -May I ask, where are you bound? San Francisco. And you? -San Francisco. And you? As it happens, I'm headed for Frisco myself. -As it happens, I'm headed for Frisco myself. Would you do us the honor of joining us? We're just sitting down at mess. Pork chops and gravy, cranberries, baked potatoes with all the trimmings, fresh- baked bread, apple pie... -Would you do us the honor of joining us? We're just sitting down at mess. Pork chops and gravy, cranberries, baked potatoes with all the trimmings, fresh- baked bread, apple pie... No please, join me. Some sundried fish strips, a few eyeballs, some gills to munch on. -Only if you can afford it. Try to think of nothing, Dorothy. -It's not ergot, it's not pituitary extract, it's not oil of rue... It claims to restore monthly regularity. -Wilbur, the adopting couple is waiting in your office. Life is waiting. -I was dreaming about you. How beautiful you were! You weren't dreaming about me. -You weren't dreaming about me. I was! -Then I wasn't beautiful. You were! You *are*! It was fantastic. -You were! You *are*! It was fantastic. It was just the ether, Wilbur... -They want to replace me! The Board of Trustees wants to *replace* me! They just want you to hire some new help. -They just want you to hire some new help. "Some new *things* would be useful. I don't need any ""new help.""" -He'll need clothes... some money... "Let him try to *make* some money! That's part of ""seeing the world,"" isn't it?" -"Let him try to *make* some money! That's part of ""seeing the world,"" isn't it?" Oh, just stop it! You knew this was going to happen. He's a young man. -Oh, just stop it! You knew this was going to happen. He's a young man. He's still a boy--out in the world, he's still a boy. -He's still a boy--out in the world, he's still a boy. Just find him some clothes, Wilbur. He could use some clothes. -"He is a goddamn psychiatrist--of *course* he wants to ""help""! He'd be happy if he could help *commit* me!" It's that Mrs. Goodhall you have to be careful of, Wilbur. -It's that Mrs. Goodhall you have to be careful of, Wilbur. "One has to be more than ""careful"" of Mrs. Goodhall--she has sufficient Christian zeal to start her own country! I'd like to give her a little ether." -This is *your* life story, Wilbur! You just changed the dates! """An internship and two years of training at the Boston Lying-in, South End Branch. For his age, he was judged an accomplished gynecological obstetrical surgeon; he is also experienced in pediatric care...""" -"""An internship and two years of training at the Boston Lying-in, South End Branch. For his age, he was judged an accomplished gynecological obstetrical surgeon; he is also experienced in pediatric care...""" You *invented* him! You've completely made his up! -You *invented* him! You've completely made his up! "Don't you understand? The board is going to *replace* me! That's what the ""new blood"" is *for*!" -These *credentials* are against the law! We all know who trained Homer--his credentials are as good as mine are. Don't you be holy to me about the *law*! What has the law done for any of us here? -Oh my, yes! This is a *far* superior taste--and crisp, too! You know, so many apples are disappointingly mealy. I wonder of most of the apples in my life weren't meant for pies! Wilbur, he picked them for us himself... -Wilbur, he picked them for us himself... You don't find it depressing that Homer Wells is picking apples? -I suppose it wouldn't hurt to *meet* him. What's his name again? Dr. Homer Wells. -Dr. Homer Wells. I just hope he won't expect us to say *Grace* all the time. -He *sniffs* that ether! I've seen him do it! It's because he's too tired to sleep. He has to. -It's because he's too tired to sleep. He has to. He *smells* like he could put you to sleep! -He *smells* like he could put you to sleep! He's a doctor, Buster--doctors smell like ether. -He's a doctor, Buster--doctors smell like ether. *You're* a doctor, Homer--you don't smell like ether. -*You're* a doctor, Homer--you don't smell like ether. I'm *not* a doctor. I haven't been to medical school--I haven't even been to high school! -I'm *not* a doctor. I haven't been to medical school--I haven't even been to high school! But you've studied with the old man for *years*! -But you've studied with the old man for *years*! I'm *not* a doctor! -I'm *not* a doctor! I'm sorry, Homer. -I mean your parents. I know who you mean. I think about leaving here, but not to find *them*. -I know who you mean. I think about leaving here, but not to find *them*. Why not? -Why not? Whoever they were, they didn't *do* any of the things parents are supposed to do. Dr. Larch did those things, and Nurse Edna, and Nurse Angela. -Whoever they were, they didn't *do* any of the things parents are supposed to do. Dr. Larch did those things, and Nurse Edna, and Nurse Angela. Yeah. But sometimes I wish I could meet mine, anyway. -Yeah. But sometimes I wish I could meet mine, anyway. What for, Buster? What would you do if you met them? -What for, Buster? What would you do if you met them? Uh... I'd like to show them that I can cook, a little. -Uh... I'd like to show them that I can cook, a little. You cook very well! -You cook very well! And that I can drive a truck! -And that I can drive a truck! Better than I can! -Better than I can! Sometimes I want to meet them so I can kill them. Just sometimes. -Homer, you know I would never kill anyone--you know I wouldn't. I know. -I think Mary Agnes could kill someone. I doubt it. She's just an... -What's she so emotional about? I don't know. She got left here, like the rest of us, didn't she? -What'd she die of? She died of *secrecy*, she died of *ignorance*... -What are you going to tell the little ones? I'll tell them Fuzzy was adopted. -I'll tell them Fuzzy was adopted. Why would the little ones believe that *anyone* would adopt him? -Why would the little ones believe that *anyone* would adopt him? They'll believe it because they want to believe it. -They'll believe it because they want to believe it. Shouldn't we tell Homer? -Shouldn't we tell Homer? If Homer wanted to know what was happening here, he could pick up a telephone and call us. -It's time somebody ate *them*. I was lookin' for Wally's letter. I was gonna show it to Homer... They made him a captain already-- *Captain* Worthington! -I was lookin' for Wally's letter. I was gonna show it to Homer... They made him a captain already-- *Captain* Worthington! Daddy, it's a letter to *me*. -Daddy, it's a letter to *me*. He mentions Homer, too, you know. -He mentions Homer, too, you know. "Wally said to say, ""Hello.""" -It's gettin' late. I think I'll pack it in. Good night, Daddy. -How about him not needin' the friggin' compass! How about that? Daddy, *please*... -Good night, kids. Don't catch cold-- it's gettin' cold already. Good night, Daddy. -So, Mrs... Candy. Candy Kendall. -How many months are you? Two. -Is your family in the apple business, too? No, but I work there--I like it. My dad's a lobsterman. -No, but I work there--I like it. My dad's a lobsterman. I've never seen a lobster. -I've never seen a lobster. Really? -Really? I've never seen the ocean, either. -I know. He's going to be dropping bombs on Mandalay! They're going to be shooting at him! -He's going to be dropping bombs on Mandalay! They're going to be shooting at him! Where's Mandalay? -Where's Mandalay? Burma! -Burma! Oh... -Oh... I can't have a baby alone. I don't even know if he's coming back! -I can't have a baby alone. I don't even know if he's coming back! I understand. -I'm a little worried about the... ...about how much bleeding is okay. It should taper off tomorrow, but it can come back again. You have cramps? They'll ease up, almost entirely. As long as the bleeding isn't heavy, it's normal. -I guess I'll see you around the orchards. Thanks for everything. Sure... I'll see you around. -So. Not bored yet? I'm *never* bored! It's all very... different for me... here. -Uh... have you been *feeling* okay? When I'm not thinking about Wally. I'm not good at being alone. Oh, goodness. You meant... yes, I'm fine. I... ...I don't suppose you've seen a lobster yet. -You have to come to my dad's lobster pound and see one, then. Okay... -I better go. I don't think Mr. Rose would leave without you. -A movie *outside*? Yes. But it's closed all the time now, because of the blackout. -Yes. But it's closed all the time now, because of the blackout. People watched the movies in their cars? -People watched the movies in their cars? When they watched at all. Do you like movies? -When they watched at all. Do you like movies? Yes! I've only seen one, though. -You've seen only one movie? Which one? """King Kong"". It's really good." -But you looked as if you liked it. "I *did* like it. All I said was, ""It's not 'King Kong'.""" -First she loved him, then she didn't, then no one else could have him... She *did* love him! How many women have you known? -And what did she die of, exactly? She was torn apart! She died of a broken heart. -She was torn apart! She died of a broken heart. Oh, sure! -What's the *medical* explanation? "Well, she was in a weakened condition... I don't know! What about ""King Kong""?! Is that medically possible?" -You're a natural. You were born to drive a car like this. You think? Maybe I was. I love this place! -The screen is enormous! Imagine King Kong up *there*! Have you seen a lot of movies here? Yes... and no. When you come here, you don't really care about the movie. -What are you so crazy about the movies for? It was my favorite night at the orphanage--movie night. We'd race into the dining hall. Of course everyone wanted to sit in front, so we'd be packed in so tight you could feel the kid next to you breathing. -It was my favorite night at the orphanage--movie night. We'd race into the dining hall. Of course everyone wanted to sit in front, so we'd be packed in so tight you could feel the kid next to you breathing. At least you were never lonely. -At least you were never lonely. I didn't say that. Growing up in an orphanage, you're always lonely. You're just never alone. -You don't miss it? I miss things. I miss... people. I miss reading to the boys. -I miss things. I miss... people. I miss reading to the boys. But you had so much *responsibility*. -But you had so much *responsibility*. I never *asked* for any responsibility. -I never *asked* for any responsibility. Just a little privacy. -Privacy is exactly the point of drive- in movies. Did you come here with Wally--to *not* watch movies? -Sometimes... movies mostly bore Wally. Ah-ha. So what is that--a radio? -Ah-ha. So what is that--a radio? The *speaker*. For the movie sound. -How could you not *care* about the movie? You just cuddle. You come to hug... to kiss. You don't *come* here to watch the movie. -You just cuddle. You come to hug... to kiss. You don't *come* here to watch the movie. That's what *I'd* come here for. I'd watch the movie. -That's what *I'd* come here for. I'd watch the movie. Not with the right girl you wouldn't. -Aren't you worried that people will cut their feet? Nobody will swim here until next summer. By then, the water will have rubbed the glass smooth against the sand--there won't be any sharp edges. -I *know* this was right. Right. -Just tell me. Do you want me to go? Do you want me to stay? It will be okay. -It will be okay. *What* will be okay? -*What* will be okay? We have to wait and see. I think that, for *everything* in life, you have to wait and see. -Olive told me. You might have told me yourself. I'm just waiting and seeing. Like you said. -Do you think I'm having a good time? Do you think I'm just *teasing* you? Do you think I *know* whether I want you or Wally? "So we should ""wait and see."" For how long?" -"So we should ""wait and see."" For how long?" I grew up with Wally. I began my adult life with him. -I grew up with Wally. I began my adult life with him. Fine. That's all there is to it then. -Fine. That's all there is to it then. No! That's not all there is to it! I love you, too--I *know* I do. -No! That's not all there is to it! I love you, too--I *know* I do. Okay, okay--I know you do, too. -Okay, okay--I know you do, too. It's a good thing I didn't have that baby, isn't it? -We should take her to St. Cloud's. That much is obvious, isn't it? Let her make up her mind when she gets there... I told her! She doesn't feel she can do that. Something about her father not letting her go anywhere... -I told her! She doesn't feel she can do that. Something about her father not letting her go anywhere... Well, we have to help her! -She won't go to St. Cloud's! Well, we can't force her. It's her decision. -Well, we can't force her. It's her decision. You don't understand! It's her father... -You don't understand! It's her father... Mr. Rose *knows*? -Mr. Rose *knows*? He's the *father*! He's her baby's father! -Wait... *wait*! Are you sure? We've got to keep her away from that bastard! -Just tell me. I'll do whatever you want to do. Nothing. -Nothing. Isn't that like waiting and seeing? -Isn't that like waiting and seeing? No. Nothing is nothing. I want Wally to come home. I'm afraid to see him, too. -No. Nothing is nothing. I want Wally to come home. I'm afraid to see him, too. I know. Is *that* nothing. -I know. Is *that* nothing. No, don't--that's something. Nothing is nothing. Don't even look at me. I want... -Please don't move, don't go anywhere. *Go* anywhere? Of course not! That would be *doing* something, wouldn't it? We wouldn't want to *do* something. Let's just sit here all night! -*Go* anywhere? Of course not! That would be *doing* something, wouldn't it? We wouldn't want to *do* something. Let's just sit here all night! If you're trying to be funny, Homer... -If you're trying to be funny, Homer... I'm not trying to be anything--I'm just doing nothing! If I wait and see long enough, then--with any luck-- I won't *ever* have to make up my mind! Decisions can be painful, after all... -Stop it! Just cut it out! You got up! You *did* something! If you keep this up, you might be in danger of making a *decision*! -You got up! You *did* something! If you keep this up, you might be in danger of making a *decision*! For God's sake, Homer, Wally's been shot down! -I know, I'm sorry. He's *paralyzed*! -He's *paralyzed*! He's *alive*. He still loves you. So do I. -He's *alive*. He still loves you. So do I. What do you want me to *do*? -Please don't make me say it again. No, that's not it--I just want to be sure I understand you. -I *helped* you not to think about Wally. You were so upset--you couldn't stand worrying about him, about his being killed and not coming back-- but when you were with me, you could stop worrying... well, for a while, anyway. This is how I helped you, right? Please... that's enough. I *loved* you, too--you know I did. -Please... that's enough. I *loved* you, too--you know I did. """...did."" Well, okay." -"""...did."" Well, okay." Please don't... -Please don't... And now that Wally's coming back, and because he'll certainly *need* you... -And now that Wally's coming back, and because he'll certainly *need* you... You say that as though it's some awful thing! I never stopped loving Wally! -Do you think she'll be all right? She knows how to take care of herself. -This came for you a couple of days ago. Olive asked me to bring it. With everything happening, I guess she forgot. Sure. Thanks. -I know you don't think much of being needed, or of me for that matter... I'm sorry for what I said about Wally needing you. It was... unnecessary. -I'm sorry for what I said about Wally needing you. It was... unnecessary. No, I'm the one who should be sorry. You have every right to be angry. -No, I'm the one who should be sorry. You have every right to be angry. No. You warned me. I didn't listen, but you warned me. -How is that Wally doing? Oh, he's fine! I just heard from him. He's bombing all these places... -Hi... Hi... -I've got some more clothes for you-- I just keep forgetting to bring them with me. I don't need no more clothes, thank you. -I don't need no more clothes, thank you. Rose, I know what's going on. Homer told me. I got pregnant, too--about a year ago. I've been through this. -You ain't been through what I been through, Candy. Yes, I *have*! -I know where you can go. Homer and I can take you... I can't go nowhere. -I can't go nowhere. Why? -You can trust me. Is it Jack? It's not Jack, is it? It's *Muddy*! Is it Muddy? No. It ain't Muddy. Muddy's just... -So many children. Are they all orphans? Well, this *is* an orphanage. -I'm okay--I can walk. I don't want you to walk--I want to carry you. Should I put the top up? It might get cold. -I don't want you to walk--I want to carry you. Should I put the top up? It might get cold. No--keep it down. I want to feel the air. -Wally thinks apples are boring. I never said they were boring. -I never said they were boring. "You said, ""Apples aren't exactly flying.""" -"You said, ""Apples aren't exactly flying.""" Well, they aren't. -There! You said it was boring. Well, *picking* them is! It's about as exciting as... walking! -I love you, Wally. I love you, too. See you tomorrow. -I was just showing Homer the orchards... kind of a geography lesson. I know what you've been doing. -You've been giving him a *flying* lesson! He *loved* it! Didn't you? -He thinks people *like* to get whacked by branches. *Homer* liked it! Didn't you? -I thought they might take me. They wanted a girl. -They wanted a girl. Nobody ever wants me! -You're one of the best, Curly--we couldn't let just anyone take you. Dr. Larch wouldn't let just anyone take *any* of us! -Dr. Larch wouldn't let just anyone take *any* of us! That's true. -That's true. Nobody's asked for me, have they? -Nobody's asked for me, have they? Nobody special enough, Curly. -Nobody special enough, Curly. You mean somebody asked? -You mean somebody asked? Only the right people can have you, Curly. -Her temperature is a hundred and four. How old are you, dear? Thirteen? -That's a heavy sedation. You *bet* it's a heavy sedation! The fetus is unexpelled, her uterus is punctured, she has acute peritonitis, and there's a foreign object. I think it's a crochet hook. -I don't know! He's just leaving-- you're the one who says he needs to see the world! *That's* what he'll do--he'll see the world! He's leaving... -"""Homer Wells, born Portland, Maine, March 2, 1915...""" Homer was born *here*, in, what was it, 1922? -Homer was born *here*, in, what was it, 1922? """...graduated Bowdoin College, 1935, and Harvard School of Medicine, 1939.""" -You mean they'll replace you with someone who won't perform abortions. Well, we can only guess about that, Edna. They *are* against the law. -So here is my candidate. What do you think? But what about school records? Homer doesn't have any *diplomas*... -Or that he can't be bothered to write us a proper letter? A dissertation on apples, we don't need! He probably doesn't make much money picking apples--he must have had to pay to send them, too. -He probably doesn't make much money picking apples--he must have had to pay to send them, too. I wouldn't worry, Edna, that he doesn't have money. If he gets hungry, he can pick his dinner! -I just wanted to ask you... Edna! Come dance with me! Let's be foolish tonight. -Edna! Come dance with me! Let's be foolish tonight. Does he *know* he's supposed to be in India? Does he even *want* to come back? -Is *your* father dead? Cirrhosis--it's a disease of the liver. -Cirrhosis--it's a disease of the liver. *Liver* killed him? -*Liver* killed him? *Alcohol* killed him--he drank himself to death. -*Alcohol* killed him--he drank himself to death. But did you know him? -But did you know him? Barely. It hardly mattered that I knew him. -Barely. It hardly mattered that I knew him. Did you know your mother better? -Did you know your mother better? She's dead now, too. She was a nanny. -She's dead now, too. She was a nanny. What's a nanny do? -What's a nanny do? She looks after other people's children. -She looks after other people's children. Did you grow up around here? -Did you grow up around here? No. She was an immigrant. -No. She was an immigrant. What's an immigrant? -What's an immigrant? Someone not from Maine. -Homer... doesn't King Kong think the woman is his *mother*? Uh, sure--that's what Kong thinks, all right. -Uh, sure--that's what Kong thinks, all right. That's why Kong loves her! -"""I was a posthumous child. My father's eyes had closed upon the light of this world six months, when mine opened on it.""" His father's dead, right? -Uh... it's the end of October. Is that soon? -Don't get too excited, Fuzzy. Why can't we have pumpkins for Christmas, too? We don't get any good presents at Christmas, anyway. -Did you bite it? I don't remember. -I don't remember. It looks like you bit it--it'll be all right. -It looks like you bit it--it'll be all right. Maybe I was kissing someone and he bit me. -Maybe I was kissing someone and he bit me. No, you did it yourself. Maybe in your sleep. -No, you did it yourself. Maybe in your sleep. I must have been *dreaming* of kissing someone. -I'm sorry. They're not used to seeing a car like this. It's okay--I don't mind. -So, now, uh... you're not... I mean, do *you* do the-- No. Dr. Larch will be performing the procedure. -No. Dr. Larch will be performing the procedure. Ah, well... okay. Good! I just wondered... -What kind of plane are you flying? A B-24 Liberator. -A B-24 Liberator. Liberator... -Liberator... Have you enlisted? -Have you enlisted? They wouldn't take me. I'm Class IV-- I've got a heart defect. -They wouldn't take me. I'm Class IV-- I've got a heart defect. Really! Is it serious? -Really! Is it serious? No, it's not serious. I'm just not supposed to get excited. You know-- no strain, no stress. I try to keep calm all the time. -Has anyone offered you anything to eat? Actually, someone did. I just didn't think I could eat anything. -I wonder if you might give me a ride. Sure! Be glad to! Uh... a ride where? -Sure! Be glad to! Uh... a ride where? Where are you going? -Where are you going? We're heading back to Cape Kenneth. -I think I'd probably like the apple business. You're a little overqualified, aren't you? -You're a little overqualified, aren't you? No, I'm not. I need a job. -No, I'm not. I need a job. The only jobs are picking jobs. Picking apples is truly boring. -This is all normal. Don't worry. The abortion procedure... it affects you. It's the ether, too. It'll take a little time. I don't *have* any time. There's a *war*! -I don't *have* any time. There's a *war*! It's all very normal. -"""Burma run"" because you fly over Burma..." *And* over the Himalayas. That's called flying over the hump. -At what altitude? I've got thirty-five minutes to climb to fifteen thousand feet--that's the first mountain pass. -What lousy luck--I mean your orders... to draw an assignment like that! Actually, I volunteered. -Uh, look... if you're serious about wanting a job, picking apples isn't that boring. Oh, I would love that, Wally. -They're migrants. Migrants? -Migrants? Yes. They pick fruit, all kinds. They travel up and down the coast with the seasons. The trick to Mr. Rose is, you have to let him be the boss. -It's almost like flying. What about the trees? -What about the trees? The trees are flak--antiaircraft fire from those geeks on the ground. -Uh... I'm shipping out sooner than I thought. I just wanted to be sure you were settled in--and happy enough, considering... Are you bored stiff? Or can you stick it out for a bit? Uh... actually, picking apples is as much excitement as I want for a while. I'm grateful for the job. -Uh... actually, picking apples is as much excitement as I want for a while. I'm grateful for the job. You're the one who's helping *me*, Homer. You're going to give my mom a little peace of mind while I'm gone. Candy, too. -You're the one who's helping *me*, Homer. You're going to give my mom a little peace of mind while I'm gone. Candy, too. Well, sure... that's good, then. All I mean is, I'm lucky I met you. -Well, sure... that's good, then. All I mean is, I'm lucky I met you. I don't think so, Homer. *I'm* the lucky one. -So. What should I do now? Out back, there's a shed. It's just a mess. If that shed was better organized, I could put my truck in there. -It's big enough to keep you out of the war, I suppose. Ain't that right? Right. -Stop it, Homer. They aren't our rules. We didn't write them. I don't see no reason to read them. Okay... -That's better. I can tell you got yourself some education. Them's good hands you got, Homer. Them hands you got, they know what they're doin'-- ain't that right? I guess so... -Are we supposed to be up here? The rules said... Homer, you the only one who's read them rules, so you the only one who feels like he's doin' somethin' wrong. -Cider don't have no taste till later in October--it's too watery now, when we're usin' just them early Macs and them Gravensteins. You don't get no *good* cider till you're pickin' them Golden Delicious and them Winter Bananas, them Baldwins and them Russerts... What about the worms? Most of these apples are the drops--off the ground, right? There have to be worms. -What about the worms? Most of these apples are the drops--off the ground, right? There have to be worms. Of *course* there's worms, Homer! And what is them worms, really? They just *protein*, them worms! They is *good* for you! -Slow down, Homer--don't be in such a big hurry. This is easy--I'm not hurrying. -This is easy--I'm not hurrying. You still doin' it too fast! -I didn't see where you was pickin' this mornin', Homer, but you musta worked up a big appetite. You look like you're serious about gettin' to your lunch today! Is it true? -I think you been stayin' up too late at night, Homer. You're actually having sex with your own little girl? Is that possible? -You're actually having sex with your own little girl? Is that possible? Ain't nobody havin' *sex* with my little girl, Homer--that's somethin' a father knows. -Ain't nobody havin' *sex* with my little girl, Homer--that's somethin' a father knows. You're lying. How can you... with your own daughter! -Homer, don't you know what business you in? You don't wanna go into no business with me, Homer--ain't that right? Go on, cut my clothes. I've got other clothes. -But she's your *daughter*... And I *love* her! There ain't nobody else gonna treat her as good as I do! I wouldn't do nothin' to hurt her, Homer--you must know that. -Please listen to me! *Both* of you... You forget yourself, Homer. This here's my daughter! You got your own mess to deal with--ain't that right? -What business is you in, Homer? Mr. Rose, I'm in the *doctor* business. If you want, I can help you. You don't have to go anywhere. -What's that? What's it called? One cervical stabilizer, two sets of dilators--Douglas points. One medium- sized curette, one small; one medium speculum, one large; two vulsellum forceps. -One cervical stabilizer, two sets of dilators--Douglas points. One medium- sized curette, one small; one medium speculum, one large; two vulsellum forceps. There ain't no *almost* about this stuff, Homer--ain't that right? -Merthiolate, ether, vulval pads, gauze--lots of gauze. When it comes to this, you is the real thing--is that what you sayin'? -I'm stayin', Homer. Okay. Then you can be of use. -If that was your knife, Muddy, I wanna thank you for givin' it to her-- no girl should be goin' *hitch-hikin'* if she don't got a good knife with her. Where'd she get you? -Where'd she get you? She just plan misunderstand me--I was tryin' to give her my knife, I was just reachin' to touch her hand. But I understand if she misunderstand me--it's all my fault, ain't that right? -There's more than one laceration, more than one cut. That's 'cause I sticked my *own* knife in the wound--after she go, I sticked my *own* knife in there. I poked it all around, I just tryin' to find the same place she got me. -Let me hear you say that! I so unhappy she runned away that I killed myself-- that what happen here, ain't that right? Right? -First pregnancy? Yes, for both. -Yes, for both. I presume you'd prefer handling the delivery. -I presume you'd prefer handling the delivery. All I said was, I don't want to perform abortions. I have no argument with *you* performing them. -All I said was, I don't want to perform abortions. I have no argument with *you* performing them. You know *how* to help these women-- how can you not feel *obligated* to help them when they can't get help anywhere else? -You know *how* to help these women-- how can you not feel *obligated* to help them when they can't get help anywhere else? One: it's illegal. Two: I didn't ask how to do it--you just showed me. -One: it's illegal. Two: I didn't ask how to do it--you just showed me. What *else* could I have showed you, Homer? The only thing I can teach you is what I know! In every life, you've got to be of use. -There was no visible wound? No. The fetus was dead. Her uterus was virtually *disintegrating*--my stitches pulled right through the tissue! -No. The fetus was dead. Her uterus was virtually *disintegrating*--my stitches pulled right through the tissue! It looks like scurvy. -It looks like scurvy. Scurvy! Ah yes, the curse of the old- time sailor, suffering long periods at sea with no fresh fruits or vegetables. Homer, Dorothy isn't a *sailor*! -It's obviously an aborticide. Obviously. -Christ, it's oil of tansy! I don't know it. -I don't know it. If you take enough of it, your intestines lose their ability to absorb Vitamin C. -If you take enough of it, your intestines lose their ability to absorb Vitamin C. In other words, scurvy. -In other words, scurvy. "Good boy. Good job. And you call yourself ""not a doctor""! Keep an eye on her--she's in trouble." -Fuzzy is not uncommon. I tell you, there's something about the premature babies of alcoholic mothers. They seem susceptible to every damn thing that comes along. I haven't read that. -I haven't read that. I haven't, either. But you *will*. The morons who write the books should do a little research *here*. -I haven't, either. But you *will*. The morons who write the books should do a little research *here*. But isn't Fuzzy just... well, underdeveloped? -But isn't Fuzzy just... well, underdeveloped? "When *doesn't* he have bronchitis? I wouldn't call his bronchial infections ""underdeveloped."" Would you?" -Where's the name sheet? Nobody's named this one yet. -Nobody's named this one yet. It's my turn! -He doesn't like it. He's a boy, That's why. Can't a boy be a Dorrit? -Can't a boy be a Dorrit? I don't think so. -I don't think so. You do it then. -Henceforth you shall be... Little Wilbur. "I'm not crazy about the ""Little...""" -Okay, he's just a Wilbur then. We haven't had a Wilbur here in a year or so, have we? We used to have *dozens*! -I thought you took care of this. It always breaks in the same place. It's your splice, isn't it? It's *your* splice! You blame me for everything! -I thought it was my turn. It is. I'll get this. You go ahead. -How about expecting people to be responsible enough to control themselves to begin with? How about this child? You expect *her* to be responsible? -It's just a marvel to me that you still have such high expectations of people. I'm happy I amuse you. -I'm happy I amuse you. Try to look at it this way. What choice does Buster have? What are his options? Nobody will ever adopt him. -Try to look at it this way. What choice does Buster have? What are his options? Nobody will ever adopt him. Try to look at it *this* way. Buster and I are sitting right here beside you. We could have ended up in the incinerator! -Try to look at it *this* way. Buster and I are sitting right here beside you. We could have ended up in the incinerator! Happy to be alive, under any circumstances--is that your point? -Doubtless you'll let me know what immensely worthwhile or at least *useful* thing it is that you find to do. I wasn't intending to leave here in order to be entirely useless--I expect I'll find some ways to be of use. -I wasn't intending to leave here in order to be entirely useless--I expect I'll find some ways to be of use. In other parts of the world, I suppose there are other ways. -In other parts of the world, I suppose there are other ways. Of course. -Of course. Are you really so *stupid* that you imagine you're going to find a more gratifying life? What you're going to find is people like the poor people who get left here--only nobody takes care of them as well! And you won't be able to take care of them, either. There's no taking care of *anybody*-- not out there! -Are you really so *stupid* that you imagine you're going to find a more gratifying life? What you're going to find is people like the poor people who get left here--only nobody takes care of them as well! And you won't be able to take care of them, either. There's no taking care of *anybody*-- not out there! You know I'm grateful for everything you've done for me... -You know I'm grateful for everything you've done for me... I don't need your gratitude. -I don't need this--I know all about my condition. It's your heart--you ought to take it with you. -I am not a doctor. You know everything I know, plus what you've taught yourself--you're a better doctor then I am and you know it! -What I mean is... I would like it very much if you thought you could be happy here, Homer. Mrs. Worthington, I feel I'm very lucky to be here. -Mrs. Worthington, I feel I'm very lucky to be here. There's not a lot of work in the winter, and you'll have to tolerate Vernon--even Wally despises him, and Wally likes everyone. -I think Wally will be fine, Mrs. Worthington--he seems indestructible to me. I don't know. Just promise me one thing. -Uh... sure. Just promise me that, if there's a blizzard, you'll move into Wally's room until it's over. -Good-bye, Arthur. Homer, I'll see you tomorrow? Right. -Don't mess in this, Homer, if you know what's good for you. How long's this been going on, Muddy? -How long's this been going on, Muddy? Long enough. You ain't gonna stop it. -"""One: Please don't smoke in bed.""" We heard that one already, Homer. -We heard that one already, Homer. """Two: Please don't go up to the roof to eat your lunch.""" -Thanks, guys... I'd like to go with you. But I've got to move on. Yeah, well... you could move on with *us*, man! You could move on somewhere *warm*! -Rose Rose? Pretty, ain't it? You a plumber? -What's that? It's just my heart. -It's just my heart. What you got a picture of your heart for? -There's a little something wrong with it. Just this part here--the right ventricle. It's slightly enlarged. So what? -So what? Yes, so what. It's nothing serious, really. Just a small defect. -Do you like to read? I can't read. Nobody taught me. -You ain't gettin' in no trouble, I hope. No trouble. -I'm not in trouble. Yeah, you is. I know when people is in trouble, and you is. -Give men that. I know how to do it. Oh, I suppose you is a doctor, Homer? -Oh, I suppose you is a doctor, Homer? Almost. -You okay, Rose? I guess you must like watchin' me be sick... -I guess you must like watchin' me be sick... I don't like watching anyone be sick. -You're not yet three months, are you? Not yet. What do you know about it? -Not yet. What do you know about it? I know more than I want to know about it. Who's the father? -I know more than I want to know about it. Who's the father? Don't trouble yourself about it, Homer--this ain't your business. -Don't trouble yourself about it, Homer--this ain't your business. But you don't look very happy. -But you don't look very happy. *Happy*! What are you thinkin'? How am I supposed to take care of a baby! I can't have a baby. -*Happy*! What are you thinkin'? How am I supposed to take care of a baby! I can't have a baby. Rose, please listen. Whatever you want to do, I can help you. -What I mean is, if you don't want to... keep the baby, I know a place where you can go. You think Daddy's gonna let me go anywhere? I ain't going *nowhere*. -Why don't you just go back to your pickin', Homer? I can take care of it myself! Rose, listen--don't *do* anything. You know, I mean to yourself. Please listen... -That's *it*? That's it. -That's it. It means nothin' at all! And all this time I been *wonderin'* about it! -Who cares? Now, now. He's a good boy. -Now, now. He's a good boy. Shit. We don't know what he is. -Shit. We don't know what he is. Jack, you gotta watch your language 'round my daughter. -I bet the view looks better from the Worthin'tons'. You think so, Jack? Well... I wouldn't want to be in that Wally's shoes tonight. -That just ain't right, Jack--your cigarette's gonna end up in nine or ten gallons of this batch of cider! That ain't right. Them people drinkin' that cider, they don't know there's a cigarette in there! -Them people drinkin' that cider, they don't know there's a cigarette in there! It's not that hard to find it in there, Jack--it'll take you just a minute. You just gotta go fishin'. -It's not that hard to find it in there, Jack--it'll take you just a minute. You just gotta go fishin'. You mean *swimmin'*. I ain't goin' in that vat to fish out no cigarette! -You mean *swimmin'*. I ain't goin' in that vat to fish out no cigarette! What business is you in, Jack? Just tell me what your business is... -Do you know him? *No*! I don't want to know him! He's doing *missionary* work--in *India*! I wrote him *weeks* ago, but he's either too holy or too busy to answer. Maybe he got killed in the war! -I fail to see how someone courageous enough to make a commitment to a foreign mission is automatically to be dismissed--that part of the world requires precisely the kind of dedication that is needed here. Does it *snow* in Bombay? One winter here and we'll be shipping him south, in a *coffin*! -Does it *snow* in Bombay? One winter here and we'll be shipping him south, in a *coffin*! You can't think that a man who has *served* under such conditions as exist over there will be in the slightest daunted by a little *snow*-- have you no idea how harsh and primitive and full of *disease* that part of the world is? -You can't think that a man who has *served* under such conditions as exist over there will be in the slightest daunted by a little *snow*-- have you no idea how harsh and primitive and full of *disease* that part of the world is? Then I suppose we can look forward to catching various diseases from him! -I fail to see how a little Christianity could *hurt* anyone here! Anyway, I was just showing you this guy as an example of what's available-- I didn't think you'd be interested. -When the plane was hit, the crew chief and the radioman jumped close together. The copilot jumped third. All on Captain Worthington's orders-- the captain was still flying the plane. None of the men of the ground could see the sky--that's how thick the jungle was. They never saw the plane crash--they never *heard* it crash. They never saw Captain Worthington's parachute, either. Why was he missing for twenty days? -Why was he missing for twenty days? Because the crew thought he'd gone down with the plane. They were hospitalized for almost a week in China before they were flown back to India. It wasn't until that they sorted through their gear... -Then it's malaria? It's encephalitis B. He's recovering at Mount Lavinia Hospital, Ceylon. Uh... Captain Worthington is paralyzed. Waist down. He won't walk. -No autonomic effects... that's correct. When will he be home, Major? -When will he be home, Major? Four weeks or so, right around Halloween. -They told me I was too old to serve. They told Muddy his feet was too flat! -Ain't you gonna see what it is, Homer? Mind your own business, Peaches. -Mind your own business, Peaches. Sorry, Homer... -You all take care of yourself, too, Homer! We see you next harvest. -Don't this place look like home? It look nicer then home! -It look nicer then home! What have you two been doin' to make it look so nice? -You pickin' nothin' but cider apples, Peaches--I hope you understand that. They ain't drops--I picked 'em off the tree! -They ain't drops--I picked 'em off the tree! Then you pickin' 'em too fast--they ain't no better than drops to me. See that bruise, and that one? *Half* of these is bruised! Look at this one! It ain't got no stem! You might as well *step* on 'em, too--they only good for cider. -They're *outrageous*, them rules! Who *live* here in this cider house, Peaches? Who grind them apples, who press that cider, who clean up the mess, and who just plain *live* here... just breathin' in the vinegar? Somebody who *don't* live here made them rules. Them rules ain't for *us*. *We* the ones who make up them rules. We makin' our *own* rules, every day. Ain't that right, Homer? -Where's your manners? Make room for Homer, so's he can enjoy the view. What view? -*What* view? Well, Muddy, we can look at all these angry stars Homer's been readin' to us about. -Don't let us make you nervous or nothin'--we know you gotta job to do. Yeah, we can wait all night for the water to come back on--you just go on and take your time. -It's that Vernon--he keeps askin' where you and Homer and Rose Rose is at. Tell that Vernon to mind his own business, Muddy. -Tell that Vernon to mind his own business, Muddy. I told him that you all is sick. -I told him that you all is sick. Tell him what you want, Muddy--*you* is the crew boss today. -She's *good* with that knife! She's real fast. She's a lot better with that knife than *you* is, Muddy! And who do you suppose taught her? *You* taught her, I suppose... -*You* taught her, I suppose... That's right! A girl's gotta know how to defend herself, don't she? -That what happen--you lost you only daughter so's you killed yourself! That's what we say, all right. That's right. I know you understand how I feel, Homer--you is breakin' them rules, too. Ain't that right? -Daddy, I'd like to be in that Wally's shoes *every* night. You lucky you in your work boots tonight, girl... -You lucky you in your work boots tonight, girl... What's lucky about that? -That sounds like you is in trouble already, Homer. That's right--that sounds like trouble to me. -We should drown that damn Jack in the vat! Now, now, darlin'... Jack just needs to know what business he's in. -Now, now, darlin'... Jack just needs to know what business he's in. Yeah, you really showed him, Daddy-- you just about cut your own hand off, and all you cut off *him* was his clothes! -Yeah, you really showed him, Daddy-- you just about cut your own hand off, and all you cut off *him* was his clothes! You oughta know you don't go to jail for cuttin' a guy's *clothes*. Ain't that right, Homer? -Now, now, Jack--that just ain't right. You just stay out of trouble, Homer! -Where do you think you're going? You gotta let me go, Daddy. Please... -You ain't goin' nowhere in the middle of the night, girl! I ain't your business no more, Daddy. Please let me go. -You just go inside, Homer. We don't need no help. That's right, Homer. This ain't your business. -That Candy--she's the nicest girl I know! She's about the most beautiful girl I ever seen--I don't know if she's the nicest. -You're lucky he didn't cut your *nipples* off, man. The good news, Jack, is you're half- undressed for *swimmin'*... -The good news, Jack, is you're half- undressed for *swimmin'*... Yeah, that cigarette ain't hard to find when you're properly undressed. -Rose Rose has runned away! She took off in the night! -She took off in the night! She took off on the bicycle, man. -You ever see a palm tree, Homer? He ain't never been outta Maine! -But I'm not that late. You didn't have to give away my seat. I wasn't sure if you'd make it. -Thanks for playing along. I just have to sit for a while. Tough day? -Tough day? Brutal day. They say the streets are lined with money down here, but I guess you have to know the secret handshake. What are you drinking? -Brutal day. They say the streets are lined with money down here, but I guess you have to know the secret handshake. What are you drinking? Uh, Maker's Mark. Rocks. -My name's Grant. Grant Ashby. Oh god. I'm overbearing and rude. Lily. Lily Finn. -So, what do you do? It's more like what aren't I doing. My partners and I are trying to secure start up capital for a small tech company. We tried the venture capitalist route in the Valley, but then again who hasn't up there. -It's more like what aren't I doing. My partners and I are trying to secure start up capital for a small tech company. We tried the venture capitalist route in the Valley, but then again who hasn't up there. Silicon Valley? -Silicon Valley? That's right. So, brainiacs that we are, we thought we'd be innovative and relocate east. Try our luck with a straight corporate loan out here. -Can -- On me. For the seat. Cheers. -"So we've been meeting with banks all day. It's amazing how many ways they can say ""no"" without ever using the word." Well, typically, corporate loans are relatively simple matters, but you do need to demonstrate a capacity for gross fund recovery. -Don't tell me you started a tech firm here before us. No, no. Nothing like that. I work in a bank. -No, no. Nothing like that. I work in a bank. Really? Wish we had met eight hours ago. -Oh. Well, thanks for the drink. You're welcome. I was just going to ask you if you'd like to join us. -Uh, right... And that was it. That's when we decided to start our own business. No more shithead bosses. I envy you guys. Taking a chance like that. -What do you do over at your bank, Grant? What do I do? I'm the VP of Finance. -Here's where a little research comes in handy. Corporate banks give out VP titles like calendars. It's a small lie, but now we're sure he's playing. Maybe you can help us understand what's so hard about getting a corporate loan. -Maybe you can help us understand what's so hard about getting a corporate loan. Well, typically speaking, they're not. As long as you can demonstrate -- -Well, typically speaking, they're not. As long as you can demonstrate -- A capacity for gross fund recovery. Yeah, we got that part. -A capacity for gross fund recovery. Yeah, we got that part. That's right. And tech firms... They 'tend to scare people off. -That's right. And tech firms... They 'tend to scare people off. They scare people off because most people lack vision. Vision and balls. Present company excluded of course. -They scare people off because most people lack vision. Vision and balls. Present company excluded of course. Banks need to know how they're going to get their money back. -Banks need to know how they're going to get their money back. We know exactly how we're going to make the money back. There in lies the Catch-22 -We know exactly how we're going to make the money back. There in lies the Catch-22 I don't follow. -Listen, what I'm about to tell you, I'm telling you in confidence, okay? Have you ever heard of a company called Big.Com? Big.Com. That Internet thing. -Big.Com. That Internet thing. Right. The guys who started that did what a lot of companies in the Valley do. They get a good idea, shop it around, raise some capital, then sell it off to a bigger company. Microsoft, Intel, Oracle, whatever. The beauty of it is, they've pretty much sold the company before they're even real. The bigger company is already set to buy it, all they want to do is make sure that the idea actually works. So they get some start up capital, make it work, then sell it for like five times the initial loan. -Right. The guys who started that did what a lot of companies in the Valley do. They get a good idea, shop it around, raise some capital, then sell it off to a bigger company. Microsoft, Intel, Oracle, whatever. The beauty of it is, they've pretty much sold the company before they're even real. The bigger company is already set to buy it, all they want to do is make sure that the idea actually works. So they get some start up capital, make it work, then sell it for like five times the initial loan. Sort of like a letter of intent. -Sort of like a letter of intent. Exactly. But the Catch-22 is that you can't tell anyone about the offer, because if it's public, you could start a bidding war and that's considered a breach of etiquette. It could kill a deal. But, wait too long and you're not considered hot anymore. -Exactly. But the Catch-22 is that you can't tell anyone about the offer, because if it's public, you could start a bidding war and that's considered a breach of etiquette. It could kill a deal. But, wait too long and you're not considered hot anymore. And you have this letter of intent? -And you have this letter of intent? Yes. That's why I wish there were guys willing to take a chance and live a little. -We had to finalize the deal. Everything looks in order. -Everything looks in order. This has to happen fast. -This has to happen fast. I know. It won't go unnoticed. -I know. It won't go unnoticed. There'll be red flags. -What's this? You need some convincing. Consider it a convincer. -Let's just slow down for a second... You're worried about recouping the loan. I already told you. -You're worried about recouping the loan. I already told you. No, I understand that. What I mean... What I'm trying to say... I was actually wondering about... Well, my cut. -Then there it is. Ashby gets the itch. The standard ten. -The standard ten. Ten percent. Of how much? -Ten percent. Of how much? Two million. -Same thing with playing a con. You have to be able to see that deep. Jake? Right. Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Yeah, it's going through -- -Hey, Jake... When am I gonna get to play the Inside? Gordo plays the inside. You're the Shill. -Gordo plays the inside. You're the Shill. Yeah, but come on... All I get to do is cry and get insulted. -Yeah, but come on... All I get to do is cry and get insulted. What are you talking about? You should get a fucking Academy Award for the Shill work you do. We got it down cold, Al. You don't want to jinx it by changing something up, do you? -What are you talking about? You should get a fucking Academy Award for the Shill work you do. We got it down cold, Al. You don't want to jinx it by changing something up, do you? I'm gonna go get eggrolls. Anyone want eggrolls? -It can erase all those things about you that you wish didn't exist. It's Alfonse. I want to settle up. I haven't been ducking you. I told you I'd get it. -And I think it's because of this redhead... Know who I am, Jake? -Know who I am, Jake? The Anti-Christ? -The Anti-Christ? No. I'm not the Anti-Christ. Or the Prince of Darkness. I'm just a guy looking for some answers. -Things are probably going to end badly for you, Jake. Gee... What makes you say that? -Gee... What makes you say that? Your life flashing before your eyes? -Your life flashing before your eyes? Just the last three weeks. -Just the last three weeks. That's not a bad place to start. -Grifters... We can't all be model citizens such as yourself. -We can't all be model citizens such as yourself. It's all about the money, isn't it? -It's all about the money, isn't it? Isn't it always? -I'm not saying anything. Besides, you're one to talk. You're the one who's got me on my knees in a dark alley. And these cops? What do they get? -Keeping the Fix happy. You never know when you can use a crooked cop. -You never know when you can use a crooked cop. Keep going. I want to know how you got Lionel Dolby. -Keep going. I want to know how you got Lionel Dolby. So you want to know how to play the Big Con. -So you want to know how to play the Big Con. In this case, you might say I want to know how not to play the Big Con. -So how'd you get caught? Suits used to say that in any con, sooner or later someone's going to start asking the right questions. Usually, it takes a little longer. -I can see why you liked her. That was it. We had our crew. Now we needed the Mark. -But there were other factors. Factors that weren't clear to me until now. -He's just as crooked as the next guy. You'd think he'd have more important things to do with tax payer dollars. Cue the fucking violins. Come on... It's getting cold. -Nice. We got our stake. Now we need to find our guy in Gillett's bank. -Thanks. Did you know you shouldn't light three cigarettes with a match? Back in WWI or WWII, one of the WW's, if you took the time to light three cigarettes with one match, some Nazi would be able to figure out where you were. Then, well... It was the last cigarette you and your two buddies ever had. So three on a match is bad luck. -Back in WWI or WWII, one of the WW's, if you took the time to light three cigarettes with one match, some Nazi would be able to figure out where you were. Then, well... It was the last cigarette you and your two buddies ever had. So three on a match is bad luck. You're a superstitious fucker. -You're a superstitious fucker. Luck's a funny thing. Especially the bad. -Luck's a funny thing. Especially the bad. Like what? -Like what? Having a gun pointed at you for one. It's not like breaking a mirror bad luck, but it's bad. Three on a match, black cats... Believe it. Believe it all. -She had you tempting fate. My father used to play the same fucking lotto numbers with these other guys in the pharmacy. The same numbers everyday for sixteen years. One day he gets pissed off, tells them he's out and plays his own numbers. They hit the Lucky Seven for one point two million. -Is that what it was, Jake? Was it love? You know when the first con was ever played? It was when Adam fell for Eve in the Garden of Eden. -So much for honor among thieves. You would have cut loose your friends, your girl... I was doing it for them. -I was doing it for them. BULLSHIT! You were scared, Jake! You lost your nerve! You lost your confidence! You weren't being noble. You weren't trying to save anybody but yourself! Admit it. -BULLSHIT! You were scared, Jake! You lost your nerve! You lost your confidence! You weren't being noble. You weren't trying to save anybody but yourself! Admit it. It's not true. -It's not true. Yes it is, Jake! Yes it is! They were right there for you. She was right there for you! Look at her! -We were back on. After you cut her loose. -After you cut her loose. She walked. -Alrlght, alrlght. What happened today? Today? Started off great... -Alright... Turn around. She doesn't get shit, unless I get that money. Where is it? Probably safe in the hands of the Federal Government. -Oh, Jake. You disappoint me. And you just let Lily here down again. What was it you said about playing the big con? It's like putting on a play, where everyone knows their part except for the mark. -It's like putting on a play, where everyone knows their part except for the mark. Like putting on a play... Guess some people forgot their lines. -Like putting on a play... Guess some people forgot their lines. Guess so. -Guess so. So why don't you take a deep breath, Jake, and I'll count to ten. One. Two. Three... -Not that I recall. What do you want us to do about it? Let's see... Let's suppose he gets to Customs and he gets caught. We get our money back, but then we have to deal with a criminal investigation. I don't much like that idea. Then again, let's suppose he actually gets through Customs. Now, that'll be something. We recover the money in cash and let the insurance cover the corporate fraud. We double our money. -Let's see... Let's suppose he gets to Customs and he gets caught. We get our money back, but then we have to deal with a criminal investigation. I don't much like that idea. Then again, let's suppose he actually gets through Customs. Now, that'll be something. We recover the money in cash and let the insurance cover the corporate fraud. We double our money. So we go to the bar. -So we go to the bar. I think so. The airport's going to be crawling with police. Traffic will be a nightmare. Go down to the bar. If they pull it off, great. Have someone deal with Ashby. -I think so. The airport's going to be crawling with police. Traffic will be a nightmare. Go down to the bar. If they pull it off, great. Have someone deal with Ashby. We'll take care of it. -We'll take care of it. And how much did you say you wanted for this... What did you call it? A finder's fee? -Ten is standard, sir. Fine. But only if we recover the cash. -Who's that? "The cash we fleeced off of him was collection money. He was supposed to take that money and give it to the King earlier yesterday like he does every Thursday. 'Cept this time, he figured he could make a little something for himself off us and still get the King's money back before any body says ""boo.""" -"The cash we fleeced off of him was collection money. He was supposed to take that money and give it to the King earlier yesterday like he does every Thursday. 'Cept this time, he figured he could make a little something for himself off us and still get the King's money back before any body says ""boo.""" What's a King Pin? -Currently, the King Pin is a very large-type pole stuck up our asses. Mob? -Mob? Independent. Same shit, just independent. They call him the King Pin because he looks like that guy from the comic book... Big. Fat. Bald. -Independent. Same shit, just independent. They call him the King Pin because he looks like that guy from the comic book... Big. Fat. Bald. So what? We hide, right? -So what? We hide, right? What are you? New? Let me tell you how good this guy is. Last night, Al calls this bookie to settle up. Apparently he's been ducking him for like a month. So the guy asks him where he's got all this money all of a sudden, right? What does Al do? Does he tell him that he cashed in a fucking Bar Mitzvah bond? Does he tell him he's been giving head out back for twenty bucks a pop? No... He starts going on about this job he just pulled and how he fleeced some Wall Street asshole-type... How HE fleeced. -What are you? New? Let me tell you how good this guy is. Last night, Al calls this bookie to settle up. Apparently he's been ducking him for like a month. So the guy asks him where he's got all this money all of a sudden, right? What does Al do? Does he tell him that he cashed in a fucking Bar Mitzvah bond? Does he tell him he's been giving head out back for twenty bucks a pop? No... He starts going on about this job he just pulled and how he fleeced some Wall Street asshole-type... How HE fleeced. You're pissed we didn't get credit? -You're pissed we didn't get credit? No, that was the only semi-fucking smart thing he said! Except anybody that's ever met Big Al knows that the only thing he's comfortable doing alone is eating. This guys tells this guy, that guy tells some other guy, eventually it works it's way back to someone who works for the King and -- -Big Al gets whacked mid-egg foo young. The whole thing took about two and a half hours. That's how good he is. We sure Big Al threw him to us? -We sure Big Al threw him to us? Come on... -Whoa. What? We're going to give him the money back? -Fuck that. We're going too. Alright, let's all put our dicks back in our pants for a second. Is this the best thing to do? -This might just be me, but that is hands down, the dumbest fucking idea I've ever heard. People have tried this before, Jake. It's never worked. Teddy Fraiser and his crew went on vacation in Chicago for it. Last year, Mumps got pinched in L.A. -The red hair... It's bad luck. It's not like she's a real redhead, Jake... -Poor bastard never knew what hit him. Jesus, I almost felt sorry for the guy. I gotta work off some of this adrenaline. I got a line on this Pawn Shop guy over in Brooklyn. Anybody want in? -Masters of our own destiny. So far, masters of our own demise. What bank are you with? -Jake... It's alright. Grant's one of the good guys. -I'm going home Let's go, Jake? -Moonan. Here. Shit... So what? We just stay clear of him. -That's it? What are you talking about? We can still do this! Jake, I mean, come on -- -Shit. I told you, use less powder. -I told you, use less powder. But you won't get that splatter effect. -What? I can feel you looking at me. That's a lot of cash. He came up with it pretty quick. -That's a lot of cash. He came up with it pretty quick. Probably some investment banker or convertible-bonds-broker-dickhead. Did you see how fast he ran out of here? It's done. He's not coming back. -Probably some investment banker or convertible-bonds-broker-dickhead. Did you see how fast he ran out of here? It's done. He's not coming back. I guess. I gotta drop a dime. Did anybody mess up the hoop? -It can buy you a new and better you. "I just don't know if this says, ""me"". What's the fabric?" -Seems Lionel Dolby came down with a sudden case of drowning last night. They just pulled him out of the East River. Well, this is just fucking great... -Well, this is just fucking great... "It gets worse. Now I know why he was such a good rope. I mean, cash... That much and we never had to put him on the ""Send?"" Turns out this ducking Moe was an accountant for the King Pin." -You know what we're doing with the money. And what about Big Al? -And what about Big Al? Leave him. Someone's going to find him eventually. Then they'll start looking for us, too. -When? Tonight. Just me. -You gotta be kidding me. Her? Yes, her. Where's my wallet? -How much we going after? Two million. -We only owe the King a hundred and fifty. We get fifty percent. And we get clear of the King. -We meet him with corporate papers, inquiring about a corporate loan for start up capital. The corporate papers are in order, but we need things to happen fast. Our guy fudges numbers in the right places, moves our papers to the top of the pile or to the bottom, depending upon what we need. How's that? He works for Gillette. -How's that? He works for Gillette. We pay better. -Yeah... Whatever, Jake. "No, not ""whatever."" You're either in or you're out." -You laugh now, but wait until you need a clean place to powder. This is New York city, Sister. Public sanitation does not run very high on the city hall agenda. You know what you can get off a toilet or doorknob? Let's do the list... Hepatitis, influenza, the flesh eating disease -- Here's what's going to happen. Gordo, we need to find a guy in Gillette's bank. Miles, we need papers, corporate, insurance... -She up for this? She's up for it. -She got one leg out from under him. Now we had to lean. "So then Miles walks straight into the Creative Director's office and says ""The code's fine, the program's for shit"" and throws down like a thousand pages of code on the guy's desk!" -Uh... No thanks. I'm not going all the way to Brooklyn for a hundred dollar pay-off. You sure? -We're going to make it back, Grant. Three or four times over. And all you need to do for your ten percent is put some paperwork through and push a button tomorrow. -You'll be there? Eight A.M. flight. -Eight A.M. flight. Calls? -Calls? We'll use the Euc. -Jake -- What do I always tell you guys? Don't spend it all. Sooner or later we're going to run into some bad luck. Save some. Put it away, so when shit like this happens, you're not desperate. That's it. The gig's up. -So that's it... That's it. -Then he had to bang it out across the street at the Bank of the Caymens... I'd like this cashed, please. -You ever use the bathroom in Kennedy? What? No. Use the bathroom on the plane! -Grifter huh? Where have you been on the grift? Couldn't been here long 'cause I would have heard of you, Skippy. Jake. You can call me Jake. Here and there. -Jake. You can call me Jake. Here and there. Here and there, Scooter? Here and there like Boston, Chicago, Houston? The bay area? Some action in London, 'til it turned nickel and dime. Or how about that little stint down in Miami? Heard you actually got into some trouble with the Feds down there. You guy's pretty good? -Here and there, Scooter? Here and there like Boston, Chicago, Houston? The bay area? Some action in London, 'til it turned nickel and dime. Or how about that little stint down in Miami? Heard you actually got into some trouble with the Feds down there. You guy's pretty good? I have a good crew. -I have a good crew. Minus one. -Minus one. You know, back in the day, grafting was considered a gentleman's racket. Good suits, good food... The Underworld of the Underworld. A grifter had to survive on his wits, his instincts... I like that. I like the idea of that. These days, things being what they are, guys like me gotta stay low. It's all take, take, take. You can't just be fucking witty about it. -You know, back in the day, grafting was considered a gentleman's racket. Good suits, good food... The Underworld of the Underworld. A grifter had to survive on his wits, his instincts... I like that. I like the idea of that. These days, things being what they are, guys like me gotta stay low. It's all take, take, take. You can't just be fucking witty about it. I guess it lacks a certain style. -I guess it lacks a certain style. Of course, your line of work's only as good as the people you find. -Of course, your line of work's only as good as the people you find. You can't cheat an honest man. -You can't cheat an honest man. You can't cheat an honest man. But a man like Lionel Dolby... -You can't cheat an honest man. But a man like Lionel Dolby... I apologize for the inconvenience. -Honest mistake. Just give me the money back and all will be forgiven. I can't do that. -I can't do that. Why not? -Why not? Let me rephrase -- I won't do that. -Let me rephrase -- I won't do that. Let me repeat -- Why not? -Let me repeat -- Why not? Because you killed one of my crew. -Because you killed one of my crew. Buddy, that was business. Besides, you have more crew. Then there's you... -Buddy, that was business. Besides, you have more crew. Then there's you... I'll get the money back, plus interest. I go on the grift for you. You get a cat, I get a cut. And we get square. -I'll get the money back, plus interest. I go on the grift for you. You get a cat, I get a cut. And we get square. Fucking grifters! I love it! You got balls, I'll give you that much. -Fucking grifters! I love it! You got balls, I'll give you that much. No. Just confidence. -I' ll be honest with you, Kid. A grifter comes in here with a fifteen hundred dollar D-K-fucking-N-Y suit, cooler than an Eskimo in winter and tells me he wants to grift for me? First thing I have to ask myself is, is he playing for me or is he just plain playing me? You tried it once. We got caught. So you know it won't happen again. -Why? You ask a lot of questions. Come on. Let me see 'em. -How much? I think two million. -I think two million. What do you need from me? Permission? Go! If you can fleece him for two million, then do it, Kid. -What do you need from me? Permission? Go! If you can fleece him for two million, then do it, Kid. I need you to stake me. -I need you to stake me. Stake you? -Stake you? I need you to stake me. I can't do it without it. It's just a couple hundred grand. Taken out of our cut when we're done. -That's more than you already owe me. What happens if you fuck this up? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. -Nothing ventured, nothing gained. "Hey Skippy? Do I have the word ""chump"" tattooed on my forehead?" -Listen, Scooter -- No, you listen. We're partners now and even though I'm running the show for you, I'm still running the show. That means I get a little respect. So I don't want to hear anymore of this Scooter, Buddy, Junior, Skippy, Tiger, bullshit. It's Jake. And I gotta tell you, for a guy who spends all his time in a gym, you could be in better shape. -Excuse me? I said take off your fucking shirt. -Look at you, you skinny prick. You're not going to bust out baby oil and start rubbing me down or anything, are you? -Come here. Feel this. No thanks. I'm good. -No thanks. I'm good. Come here! -Come on. Harder. I think I just broke my hand. -I think I just broke my hand. Harder. Remember, I killed your buddy. -What are you talking about? Ten's standard. Yeah Well, Sobo's kid needs braces. -Don't get me wrong, Jake. I like you boys. You guys are the steadiest business in town. But what can I say? Twenty percent's still better than what we give to any of the other criminals. All the shit we pulled with you and you're trying to shake us down? You guys got sack. -All the shit we pulled with you and you're trying to shake us down? You guys got sack. Was that a threat? Did I hear a threat? Last I remember, we were talking economics, then this...? What happens next time if we gotta stop and help a little old lady cross the street? Well, shit... Then we gotta pass the call to someone else. -That tip not work-out for you fellas? Tip was fine, Jake. We were a little more curious about the Fed. -Tip was fine, Jake. We were a little more curious about the Fed. Hey, listen... If you guys don't pay your taxes, that's your business. -Special Agent Gunther Moonan. Ring a bell? Gunther? I think I'd remember a Gunther. -Gunther? I think I'd remember a Gunther. Ring it for him, Sobo. -Oh yeah. Moonan. I remember now. Thanks. Well he's in town and he sure as shit remembers you. What are we going to do about this Jake? We can't afford to have a Fed onto us. -Well he's in town and he sure as shit remembers you. What are we going to do about this Jake? We can't afford to have a Fed onto us. Wouldn't dream of it. -I don't know what you're into with the King Pin, but whatever it is we get a piece, understand? We get a big piece. If we find out you're keeping us out, I may suddenly develop a conscious and give you up to Moonan myself. Say something stupid if we got a deal, Jake. Something stupid. -Something stupid. Good boy. -Kennedy. International terminal. Gordo with a black suitcase. You got Moonan under control? Don't worry about Moonan. We got him covered. When...? It was him. There's a shipment coming through tonight. Kennedy. -Sorry, I -- Jake. Jake Pearson. I go to lawschool with your daughter. Carolyn. We met once or twice. -Of course. Jake. Nice to see you. Well, it certainly is a coincidence. Here of all places! How is Mrs. Lewis? -Well, it certainly is a coincidence. Here of all places! How is Mrs. Lewis? Great. Thank you. -What brings you down from Boston, Jake? Taking advantage of the long weekend? My wife and I are just taking a little vacation. -Attractive girl. Thank you. Actually, it's our first anniversary this weekend. She thinks I'm here to pick up something for my mother, but it's actually a gift for her. Think I've fooled her? -Thank you. Actually, it's our first anniversary this weekend. She thinks I'm here to pick up something for my mother, but it's actually a gift for her. Think I've fooled her? Take it from me, you never do. But congratulations. Nice to be married, isn't it? -Take it from me, you never do. But congratulations. Nice to be married, isn't it? Very much so. -Thank you, sir. You know, I hope this isn't too much of an inconvenience, but if Carolyn is coming down for the weekend, perhaps I could give you something for her? It's a check. We split the cost on a few books and I haven't had the chance to pay her back yet. Could you..? Sure. -I lost my head. I'm... Sorry. I don't know what happened. Y-y-you fucking shot him! That's what happened! -Y-y-you fucking shot him! That's what happened! I had to! That motherfucker was about to welch! You saw what he was doing, right? You heard him! -I can't be here! You understand? I can't -- Listen to me! It went to shit. It happens sometimes. -Oh Jesus! LISTEN to me! We don't have much time. We can still get through this but you have to keep your head and trust me! -What -- What do we do? Help me. -What about... The money? What about this situation makes you think I can answer that question right now? -What is this? You guys cops or something? We're not cops. -That's not -- You interested in a little work? -Sorry about your wallet, but if you think I'm going to suck dick over thirty seven dollars, a maxed out Visa and a bad fake I.D., you're fucking crazy. Jake. Take a deep breath and count to ten. It's not that kind of work. You're Lily, right? -Take a deep breath and count to ten. It's not that kind of work. You're Lily, right? Says who? -Says who? You're working Daffy's block. He was going to break your kneecaps. Pick- pockets can be so bitchy sometimes. I told him you were with us, so that's two you owe me. -We have work. It pays a lot. Unless you figure on getting rich lifting wallets while old guys feel you up. Oooh. Sassy. What do you care who feels me up, Jake? Unless it kinda gotcha going. Did it, Jake? Getcha going? -Alright! Hold up. You win. You got the job. Gee thanks. Now I don't have to find that bridge to jump off. -We had to see what your deal was. I'm just a little superstitious. Here's my deal -- Don't waste my time. What do you want me for anyway? You don't even know me. -Here's my deal -- Don't waste my time. What do you want me for anyway? You don't even know me. I just have a good feeling about you. Haven't you ever had someone say they had a good feeling about you before? -No. What's my cut? You get an equal cut. -You get an equal cut. What do I have to do? -What do I have to do? Just play a part. A little acting. -What about Customs? I'll worry about Customs. -I'll worry about Customs. Hey, I'm not just along for the ride, so I don't want to hear any bullshit later about a smaller cut. -Hey, I'm not just along for the ride, so I don't want to hear any bullshit later about a smaller cut. Take a deep breath. You sound like you just broke up with your boyfriend or something. -Mr. King, I think -- Hey, I got it! Take some mental notes. You just might learn something here. -What the hell's his problem? Don't worry about it. -Don't worry about it. It's just that I left my asshole decoder ring at home, so how do I know not to worry? -You need to get a haircut. What? -What? And some new clothes. -And some new clothes. Why? -Why? We're going to rope this banker tomorrow and you gotta at least look classy, if not be classy. You gotta do this thing and I don't even know if you can. -We're going to rope this banker tomorrow and you gotta at least look classy, if not be classy. You gotta do this thing and I don't even know if you can. You're just going to have to trust me. -You're just going to have to trust me. I don't trust anyone. -I don't trust anyone. Then show me how. -Uh... Everything okay? Honey, this is Mr. Lewis. Carolyn Lewis's father. Mr. Lewis, this is my wife, Lily. -He's gone. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. I gotta go get a haircut. -I gotta go get a haircut. Uh-huh. -You just put a mother of a jinx on us. Lighten up. -Lighten up. But the fucking Grand Poo-Bah of all jinxes? A bird in your house... -You told me to change my hair! What about this? Do you have any idea what this means? You've killed us. We're dead! -What about this? Do you have any idea what this means? You've killed us. We're dead! Did I miss something? -We're getting down to the wire. Apparently another company has a similar product in R&D right now. If they beat us to it... Off the record, I'm this close to cutting someone in on the action if it'd help. -Look at you... You want to go. For what? A couple hundred bucks? -For what? A couple hundred bucks? I think you'd do it for free. You're almost drooling. You like the rush. -I think you'd do it for free. You're almost drooling. You like the rush. It's what I do. It's my job. -It's what I do. It's my job. Why? Your mother not breast feed you or something? -Why? Your mother not breast feed you or something? Are you asking me if I have something to prove? -Are you asking me if I have something to prove? Do you have something to prove? -Do you have something to prove? Not in that repressed anger sort of way. -Not in that repressed anger sort of way. I'm your basic underachiever. Can't stand working and porn doesn't seem like a good option. -I'm your basic underachiever. Can't stand working and porn doesn't seem like a good option. Good quality porn has it's place in the world. -Good quality porn has it's place in the world. Whatever. But you... I get the feeling you could have bullshitted your way into anything. So why this? -Whatever. But you... I get the feeling you could have bullshitted your way into anything. So why this? I'm good at it. Lying, cheating, manipulating... I'm good at it. -I'm good at it. Lying, cheating, manipulating... I'm good at it. It's more than that. -It's more than that. Intuition. It doesn't make you Yoda. Like tonight. You killed that guy tonight. But I knew you would. -Intuition. It doesn't make you Yoda. Like tonight. You killed that guy tonight. But I knew you would. So that was my part? Smile and shake my ass? -So that was my part? Smile and shake my ass? No. You have another part? You'll know what to do. -No. You have another part? You'll know what to do. How do you know I will? -How do you know I will? Intuition. -You have really soft hands. Like a baby's. Don't ruin this for me. -How do you deal with -- WHAT? -WHAT? I SAID, HOW DO -- Deal with that? -Who says you have to know the King to be in a hole? I actually did have a real job once. When I was in high school, I worked as a candy striper. Sounds respectable. -Sounds respectable. Not the way I did it. I was loaded half the time. I don't know how you could change bedpans sober. I used to hang out with this guy, Glenn. He was an x-ray technician or something. -Not the way I did it. I was loaded half the time. I don't know how you could change bedpans sober. I used to hang out with this guy, Glenn. He was an x-ray technician or something. You want to talk about an old boyfriend right now? -He wasn't my boyfriend. I had a boyfriend at the time... What was his name? Anyway, Glenn was like thirty. I was only fifteen. But he was a nice guy. Real sweet. Liked to talk. We used to get loaded on pills from the nurses station and then listen to Morrisey or some stupid shit like that. Yeah, the sensitive guy-thing never worked for me. -Yeah, the sensitive guy-thing never worked for me. We were friends. I trusted him. I should have known it was weird. But, then again I was weird. -We were friends. I trusted him. I should have known it was weird. But, then again I was weird. You guys got busted. This is a great neck. -No, we never got busted. We were done with a shift one night, both a couple of Percocets down and I was telling Glenn about my boyfriend, about how we were thinking about doing it, you know? I was thinking about letting him be my first because I loved him. What the hell was his name? Glenn talked you out of it. -Glenn talked you out of it. Sort of. I was telling him about this great love of my life who's name I don't remember, and I could see... He was getting pissed. I thought it was just because he was worried about me, but... He told me that I was stupid because my boyfriend didn't really love me. -He was looking out for you. "Then he grabbed me and threw me down on the floor, that really cold linoleum tiled hospital floor and started ripping my uniform off. He said he was going to ""fuck some sense into me.""" -Shit, what was that guy's name? I really liked him. Lily... Jesus Christ... -Lily... Jesus Christ... After Glenn was finished, he gave me a couple of valiums and I went home. The next day, I finished my shift and met him around back, like we always did. I stuck a number eight scalpel into his chest. Three or four times. -Did, uh... Did you kill him? I don't know. I packed up my shit and ran away. To this... So unlike you, I guess I do have something to prove, in a repressed anger sort of way. -No. You trusted him... You were just getting square. You know why I told you that, Jake? Because I trust you too. -Jesus... Take it easy. No, I'm not going to take it easy. You can't stay clear of this guy. He will be on this until the end of time. -You are such a raving pussy sometimes. Hey, we fucked once, honey. That hardly makes you a good judge of character. And don't think I didn't know you were working some angle with that either. -Hey, we fucked once, honey. That hardly makes you a good judge of character. And don't think I didn't know you were working some angle with that either. Everyone's working an angle, right? -Everyone's working an angle, right? There are three people I trust -- him, him and a guy who got killed. I don't know who you are! You're like some stray dog that wandered into the house. So I'm telling you to cut loose of this. No one's looking for you, Not the King, not Moonan and not Gillette. Just go wherever it is you would go. It's over. -What about... What about what? -What about what? What about the money? -So there it is. You got that big itch you need to scratch. It's all about the fucking money. What do you want, an apology? No, I want my cut! -No, I want my cut! I'm going to say this one last time for you, so take a deep breath and count to ten. There is no cut. -Sorry. I didn't know... Your friend, Big Al? It should have been you. -You got my cell. Leave a message. It's me. It's Jake. Listen... It's happening. Gordo's landing right now. Meet me at the Euclid... For your cut, I mean. It's... I want you to have it. -What do you get, Lily? Finder's Fee? Because it is all about the money, right? You sold me out. You should have trusted me like I trusted you. You fucked up. You fucked up HUGE. -"You tell them the ""Tale""." What do you want? An apology? -What do you want? An apology? No, I want my cut! -Tick-tock... If you wanna help, then help. If not, shut up. -If you wanna help, then help. If not, shut up. Your mess. -Your mess. Then shut up. -Then shut up. My place. -Stop waving that thing around. You sure we're clear? -Yeah. You better get over to Al's. Now. -I was supposed to meet him for breakfast. He likes that new IHOP they just opened, you know... He likes to order that thing. The Rutti- Tutti-Fresh and Fruity thing they got. Miles... -Miles... Sorry. I'm just... Look what they did to him. Right in the middle of his egg-foo-young. -It's bad luck. Just an idea, but let's just fucking split. We'll meet up anywhere. Akron or Austin or Atlanta. Anywhere... -Just an idea, but let's just fucking split. We'll meet up anywhere. Akron or Austin or Atlanta. Anywhere... He'll find us. We go talk to him. -Do we want insurance? I'm just asking... Just mail it to the hospital. Mr. King, please. It's regarding an accounting problem. Yes... Correct... I know where it is. That will be fine. Thank you. -Meet me at my place later. How do you know the King's going to let you walk? -How do you know the King's going to let you walk? I'm getting a ride. -You better hurry. The police will be here any second. I don't really understand my motivation with this. Why am I washing glasses? Now you're an accomplice in a homicide. Everything you thought you were in control of just flew out the window or is dripping down your leg. -We're working for the King. Wait a second... Who's the mope? -No. Big con. One rag. One rag and we get out from under all this. But we need another Shill. What do we need another Shill for? -What do we need another Shill for? Breasts. -Why? Because that's who the King Pin wants us to fleece. And Gillette's perfect... -Uh... What? -What? I'm just thinking out loud here, but... Two million in a briefcase? -I'm just thinking out loud here, but... Two million in a briefcase? Good point. -It never worked before because A, they didn't flush the bank enough; B, their corporate papers were for shit; C, they didn't have someone on the inside with Customs. Yeah, or D, it's a dumb fucking idea... -Yeah, or D, it's a dumb fucking idea... Then what do you want to do, Miles? Run? -Then what do you want to do, Miles? Run? We never had a problem with that before. -We never had a problem with that before. Yeah, well we never had this kind of problem before. -Yeah, well we never had this kind of problem before. What are you talking about? Yes we have. And we would have been beautiful about it. We would've had a bucket of chicken delivered to the King with a nice kiss my ass card attached to it. Then we woulda moved on 'til the next local putz caught on. -What are you talking about? Yes we have. And we would have been beautiful about it. We would've had a bucket of chicken delivered to the King with a nice kiss my ass card attached to it. Then we woulda moved on 'til the next local putz caught on. We're getting a little old for running. -We're getting a little old for running. "Yeah, well we're still a little young for Albany State Prison. Are you pissed about Al? I'm pissed too, but I'm not like ""twenty-five to life"" pissed." -"Yeah, well we're still a little young for Albany State Prison. Are you pissed about Al? I'm pissed too, but I'm not like ""twenty-five to life"" pissed." I'm getting clear of this. If you're not going to do it for the fucking principle, do it for the money. Gordo? -Is it all fugasi? No, the corporate papers have to be legit. But you gotta score an I.D. A clean one. Talk to Suits. I gotta get us a Banker. -What you're looking for in a mark is someone who's weakness you can exploit. Michelle Strigo. Loan officer. -Him. You sure? -But if you wanna talk about bad luck... Where the hell is she? -"So this is our boss, right? He chases me and Miles out of his office and he's yelling and screaming, ""You're fired! Your whole team's fired!"" He starts looking for Lily, Lupus, Gordo --" But the best part was that he couldn't find Gordo! He was in the bathroom. So he finally goes in there, kicks in a stall door and starts yelling! And there's Gordo, pants at the ankles, holding a PC World Magazine! -What do we do? We change the scam? There is no scam! I've got a fucking sign on my back! I can't leave town now and come back with a suitcase full of money. You get it? It's over. We walk. -No, no, no! Not this time. I am doing this for your own good! You guys have got to learn when to stop. You with the Armani! You with the hookers! Escorts! -Escorts! Do you even remember Al? Do you remember what he looked like sitting there? -Feeling lucky today, Miles. Found a penny -- Heads up. There was an empty cab right outside my building. We hit every green light. And we got rid of the red head. -And we got rid of the red head. Jake? Customs? -Excuse me? I believe you're holding something far me under Pearson. Do you have a ticket? -Do you have a ticket? You know, this is kind of embarrassing, but my wallet was stolen yesterday and I'm afraid the ticket was in it. But the name's Pearson. -I'm sorry. Nothing under Pearson. You're sure? This is... Just a complete disaster. -You're sure? This is... Just a complete disaster. What was it? -A ring for my wife. A lot like that one. In fact, it was that one. That's no problem. We have those in stock. -That's no problem. We have those in stock. Thank you. Sorry, I'm just a little anxious to give it to her. You take out of state checks? -Thank you. Sorry, I'm just a little anxious to give it to her. You take out of state checks? With identification. -I understand that, but I had my wallet stolen last night. Is there any way..? I'm sorry. -I know it's policy, but... The thing is... It's our first anniversary and we're only in town for the weekend. It's a very, very special night for my wife and I. This ring is my gift to her and I think she's going to really love it. I can give you phone numbers to call for people who'll vouch. I can send you I.D. later... I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. This is embarrassing. -When this is all over, you're going to tell me who the King put on Al. You going to have the time? -You going to have the time? I'll find the time. -King ain't gonna like this. Don't worry, I'll settle up with your boss. We haven't skipped town yet. -Don't worry, I'll settle up with your boss. We haven't skipped town yet. What I'm saying is, is that the King ain't gonna care. See he had a real thing with getting this Gillette guy, If you ask me I think he's jealous. -What I'm saying is, is that the King ain't gonna care. See he had a real thing with getting this Gillette guy, If you ask me I think he's jealous. Of what? They're both crooks. -Of what? They're both crooks. Exactly. 'Cept this Gillette guy. He gets to walk around in three piece suits, hob knob with the Mayor, own a bank, that kinda shit. Meanwhile, the King sits holed up in the steam, afraid to even take a leak without me or Harlin watching the door. -Exactly. 'Cept this Gillette guy. He gets to walk around in three piece suits, hob knob with the Mayor, own a bank, that kinda shit. Meanwhile, the King sits holed up in the steam, afraid to even take a leak without me or Harlin watching the door. My fucking heart bleeds. -My fucking heart bleeds. Your buddy. That fat guy. The King couldn't wait to have that guy whacked. He didn't even know who the guy was, but he was so pissed off at him, he gets him drilled. It ain't personal. It's business. -Your buddy. That fat guy. The King couldn't wait to have that guy whacked. He didn't even know who the guy was, but he was so pissed off at him, he gets him drilled. It ain't personal. It's business. Point, Lupus. Give us a point. -Point, Lupus. Give us a point. Point is, you don't go through with this, he's going to go after you next. And he don't even like you, Jake. -What'd he say? Oh, you know... Don't fuck this up. I'll kill you. I'll kill your family. I'll shoot your dog... All the usual. Then he said good luck. -So that's it, huh? You get the cops to give you a safe ride. Let me ask you something... You really think I'm going to come this close, this fucking close and let my guard down? I'll get square with your boss. I'll get square with whoever did Al. I'll get square with everybody. Then I'm going going to cash in my chips and be on my way to a new and better me far away from here. -Let me ask you something... You really think I'm going to come this close, this fucking close and let my guard down? I'll get square with your boss. I'll get square with whoever did Al. I'll get square with everybody. Then I'm going going to cash in my chips and be on my way to a new and better me far away from here. You're a weasel. -He's wheeling around two million dollars in cash and he wants to stop to use the bathroom. You believe this? Maybe he's got it right. Maybe we're all just looking for a safe place to shit. -Maybe he's got it right. Maybe we're all just looking for a safe place to shit. That was fucking deep. -What's up with you? Bladder infection? Keep it up. -You really like that bitch don't you? I gotta tell you, I was pretty convinced that the whole thing before was blowing her off for her cut. You know how it is, get her to do some shit for you, throw her a bang to keep her happy. But, if you're into her... That's cool. That's what I like about you, Lupus. You're a free thinker. Don't let the King tell you different. -Egg Foo Young. Stand up. What? -What? Stand up. -Stand up. No offense, but I've seen you fight. You gotta be kidding m- -What happened? Eee Oott Auught! -Eee Oott Auught! Sorry. What? -Sorry. What? HE GOT CAUGHT! Your boss tried to pull a switch and he got us all fucking pinched! -And like in a game of chess, you've played every possible move in your head... You were right. He's trying to fuck you. You want it, you gotta get it at the airport... -Aces, Suits. Not easy pickin's. Papers like these speak to larger issues. Sorry about Alfonse. You into something big? -Not easy pickin's. Papers like these speak to larger issues. Sorry about Alfonse. You into something big? Pretty much. -Pretty much. In over your head? -In over your head? Pretty much. -Can I speak to you in confidence? Huh? Oh. She's alright. -Try and keep up... You ask for the Advantage Goods, then you guys come in looking to be Bean Traps. So I gotta think you're either working the mace or playing the Jug Mob. A little bit of both. -Hey, I been on the ramp all my life, so I got no problem with the way you help yourself, Jake. "I saw you go up from the Knecker, working that Grind, learning the Barnard's Law and I thought, ""the kid's a prodigy."" But I know that if you're using these goods... So then I figure, what's worth that? You're either looking for a little history or a retirement fund. Who's the Mark?" -"I saw you go up from the Knecker, working that Grind, learning the Barnard's Law and I thought, ""the kid's a prodigy."" But I know that if you're using these goods... So then I figure, what's worth that? You're either looking for a little history or a retirement fund. Who's the Mark?" Can't say. -Can't say. Then who's the Banker? -Then who's the Banker? The King. -The King? Jake, you play the heavy rackets like that... They put the lug on for nothing at all. I can handle it. -I can handle it. I don't doubt your talent. You looking for that place in the hall of fame? -I don't doubt your talent. You looking for that place in the hall of fame? It's not history. -It's not history. So what do you want? -So what do you want? I want to get out from under all this for good. And I want to fuck them all doing it. -I want to get out from under all this for good. And I want to fuck them all doing it. Then I gotta say, in my opinion, you can't get what you want. -Still time. Can't do it Suits. I can't lay down for this one. -Can't do it Suits. I can't lay down for this one. Okay. Here's the thing... You fall flat, you might not get anything short of stiffed. Then it's Blue River Land for everybody. Papers like these are dangerous because papers tend to multiply, then they start to take shape. Usually it's the shape of an arrow. I hate to do it, but after this, I gotta give you the blowoff. We Jake, Jake? -Ten percent. You guys got sack, I'll give you that much. -You guys got sack, I'll give you that much. Confidence. It's just confidence. -Do you have any idea what those monks charge for that medieval torture? We got a good thing going here. You want to blow it over an overbite? -The King, huh? Nice going. I try. -Just a tip. What are we gonna do with this stuff anyway? Heroin? What the hell do you do with heroin? -What? Consider him part of your crew. Consider him a part of me. -Coupla things. They got this Fed looking around and the girl just split. A Fed? Is he close? -A Fed? Is he close? I don't think so. Their Fix gave us the heads up and Jake's got a plan that'll probably keep him off. -Speak. He's landing. He's got a suitcase on wheels. -He's landing. He's got a suitcase on wheels. So do half the other people in this place. How do I know which one? -So do half the other people in this place. How do I know which one? I got it figured out... He's got this thing with bathrooms. If he makes it through Customs, he'll be heading for the john. -I got it figured out... He's got this thing with bathrooms. If he makes it through Customs, he'll be heading for the john. Good. Good. Do not let Vig out of your sight. -Special Agent? You are Officer Richard Rottovich. And this would be Officer Walter Sobozinski. I'm looking for Jake Vig. -Preliminary forensics suggests he was sitting there, bloated and purple in his egg foo young for at least seventy two hours. Alfonse was not a small man and there was a lot of food ordered, so you can imagine the smell. Bad for the neighbors, good for me because in all the time I've been looking for Jake, this is only the second time I've even gotten a whiff of him. Look Special Agent Moonan... We don't know what you're talking about. -If you Feds are so hot for him, why don't we just bring him in right now? I want him for something big and to do that, we have to catch him in the act. -Like we told you before, we think he's into something with the King Pin -- Look, I'm not a confrontational person by nature. -Did he buy it? I think so. What'd he ever do to you anyway? -I think so. What'd he ever do to you anyway? Let's just say he burned me once. -You guys awake? We're here. -Who? I've been looking for this Jake Vig for some time now. Problem is, the guy's the invisible man. A spook, a spectre, a ghost. Then, like a gift, Jake's good buddy and member of his crew, Alfonse Moorely, is found the other day with a hole in his head. -"Do you want to know the first time I had a line on Vig? He sent me a birthday card. Belated, but it's the thought, right? Oh, this prick's got a sense of humor. But, then again you guys probably know him better than I do. In fact, I've only met the guy once. But now, now I have you. The next best thing. His partners. His ""Fix.""" What do you want? -What do you want? You help me catch him. Whatever he's into next, I want you to be into. And what you're into, I'm into. If it all goes well, those two guys from IAD will never have to hear this tape. I'll clear you guys of anything you've ever done with Vig under the guise of some cross- departmental investigation. This prick's been on the wish list for so long, you'll probably get gold shields out of it. -You help me catch him. Whatever he's into next, I want you to be into. And what you're into, I'm into. If it all goes well, those two guys from IAD will never have to hear this tape. I'll clear you guys of anything you've ever done with Vig under the guise of some cross- departmental investigation. This prick's been on the wish list for so long, you'll probably get gold shields out of it. What do you get out of it? -What do you get out of it? Peace of mind. -Peace of mind. That's it? -That's it? Not everyone's on the take, Walter. -This guy must have been a real pain in your dick. Literally. It's not a bad deal, gentleman. I get peace of mind. You get Detective Sheilds. But this is the best part, Walter... Walter, your daughter will get to keep her braces and have that winning smile. Capice? -Good... I gotta go. So, what do you have for me? Whaddya mean? We got dick. -Whaddya mean? We got dick. You guy's are not working with me here. I just got off the phone with my boss. After he got done ripping me a new Lincoln Tunnel size asshole, he let me know exactly how little I'm welcome back if we come up short. And now here you guys are, WASTING MY FUCKING TIME! -He's headed towards the eastern most exit. Do not, under any circumstances approach. I want to follow this all the way down to Vig. Roger that. -You sell it. To who? -To who? Don't be an idiot. How hard do you think it is to sell one drug dealer's drugs to another drug dealer? If Vig's right, we might be looking at a hundred, maybe a hundred fifty grand... -Don't be an idiot. How hard do you think it is to sell one drug dealer's drugs to another drug dealer? If Vig's right, we might be looking at a hundred, maybe a hundred fifty grand... You think this is a good idea? We never did this kinda shit before. -You think this is a good idea? We never did this kinda shit before. What's he going to do? File a missing drugs report? If it works out, this guy might be good for a few more turns. -Hope so. Those fucking orthodontist bills are killing me. One fifty every time they tighten those bitches up. One fifty! It's not even covered. It's cosmetic. They don't cover cosmetic. Last year I had a tooth capped. The dentist tells me I'm not covered for caps. It's cosmetic. -Bullshit it's cosmetic! My fucking tooth was cracked in half. I made the son of a bitch write it in as a cavity. The department's dental is for shit. Whoa, whoa... There he is. -You trust this Moonan guy? I don't trust anybody. You see how bad this guy wants Vig? It's like a sickness. I say we collar Vig ourselves. We got Vig, then we got leverage. And we trade; Vig for that tape. I want to see it right in front of my face. -I don't trust anybody. You see how bad this guy wants Vig? It's like a sickness. I say we collar Vig ourselves. We got Vig, then we got leverage. And we trade; Vig for that tape. I want to see it right in front of my face. It's just insurance. -It's just insurance. That's what I'm talking about. -That's what I'm talking about. I'm down! -What are you doing? High five. -High five. Put your hand down. I don't high five. -I'm Bella. Jack Manfred. -Jack Manfred. Hi, Jack. Welcome to the cesspit. -Hi, Jack. Welcome to the cesspit. Is it that bad? -Is it that bad? How do I look? -Jack. Do you need a ride? No. Thanks. -No. Thanks. My car's in the garage. -My car's in the garage. Maybe another time. -Maybe another time. I'll take you up on that. -I'll take you up on that. Goodnight. -You're shaking. It's the tension. -I hate cheats. All men are cheats. -But don't worry, I'm clean as a whistle. I only did S & M. No blow jobs. No screwing. Why did you quit? -Why did you quit? I got scared. -I got scared. I can imagine. -I can imagine. Can you? I'm happy being a dealer. At least the punters keep their hands to themselves. -Can you? I'm happy being a dealer. At least the punters keep their hands to themselves. You called the casino a cesspit. -You called the casino a cesspit. Well it is. But I know where I am. -I've been watching you work. You're the best in the place. But you know that. I despise the job. -I despise the job. Ah, we all say that. But if we hate it, why do we do it? -The Indian rope-trick. Look, now I'm pumping you. I'm sorry. It's none of my business. It's just that you're not like the others. -Look, now I'm pumping you. I'm sorry. It's none of my business. It's just that you're not like the others. Not like Matt, you mean. -Not like Matt, you mean. "Now he's a real shit. Don't get friendly with him. I'm sure he's got his hand in the till. You know what he said to me once? ""I want to fuck the whole world over. That's my mission."" The shit!" -Ouch. Sorry. -You fucking little shit! You shopped me. What are you talking about? -Reynolds got a doctor in. They forced me to take a dope test. It was positive. As you knew. I don't know anything about it. -Your boyfriend fucked me, smoked my dope, then shopped me. What do you think of that? I can't get a job now. You bastard. You're no different from Matt. A pair of vicious little shits, that's what you are. Look Bella, I don't know anything about this. You should talk to Matt. -Look Bella, I don't know anything about this. You should talk to Matt. You're all scumbags. -What are you laughing at? Who was that on the phone? A couple I know are getting married. -What kind of deal you looking to? What's the Blue Book price? -What's the Blue Book price? That's not relevant. An old car like this, it depends on the condition. -How about fifteen hundred? How about five hundred. -How about five hundred. What?! -What?! How about we split the diff... Seven-fifty. -How about we split the diff... Seven-fifty. Is that your idea of arithmetic? -Is that your idea of arithmetic? I'm not a mathematician. I'm in business. -I'm not a mathematician. I'm in business. Eight-fifty. -Eight-fifty. Seven-fifty. -Three years, two months. March '93. What a memory you've got. Maths always was your strong suit. What happened to the moaning Lisa? -What a memory you've got. Maths always was your strong suit. What happened to the moaning Lisa? She went back to South Africa. -She went back to South Africa. Did she? You were pretty thick at one time. -Did she? You were pretty thick at one time. We all played the field. -Hi-ya... I'll call you back. Now then... I want a job, Giles. -I want a job, Giles. All right. As what? -All right. As what? I was thinking perhaps I could be a reader. You employ readers, don't you? -I was thinking perhaps I could be a reader. You employ readers, don't you? We do. For unsolicited manuscripts. We pay twenty pounds a manuscript. You might get two, maybe three in a week. Can you live on sixty pounds? -I thought it was you. It's the hair! I'm working on that soccer story. -I'm working on that soccer story. Right. Look, I must get back to Habib. -Right. Look, I must get back to Habib. Habib? -Habib? My author. He's a Terrorist. He's written a kill-and-tell book. Take care. -Jack, look, next weekend I'm having a house party. Here... It's near Oxford. Why don't you come? It'll just be social. No business. Bring a friend. I've plenty of room. I'll try and make it. -I'll try and make it. Looking forward! -She's a dab hand With a racquet, your friend. South African women are very sporty. -I found her in bed with someone. Who was he? -Who was he? She. -I don't gamble. Don't be a spoilsport. It's only a few quid. -Don't be a spoilsport. It's only a few quid. It's nothing to do with money. I don't gamble. -Last hand. Hey. I've got an idea. Why don't we... -I get it. Get what? Are you accusing me of cheating? -Get what? Are you accusing me of cheating? Good God, no. But with skill like that, what do you want a job for? You don't need to work. -Good night? Not particularly. -Not particularly. And your lady? -And your lady? She had to leave early. She asked me to thank you. -She had to leave early. She asked me to thank you. A bit unexpected, wasn't it? -A bit unexpected, wasn't it? Not entirely. -Not entirely. How's that football story corning along? -How's that football story corning along? You said it was going to be social, Giles. No business. -I couldn't resist them. You mean I won't resist them. -No, no. I'm not ready for you. There's some vodka in the freezer. You want me drunk? -You want me drunk? I won't be that long. -You really are a beautiful woman. It's not just inner beauty, is it? -It's not just inner beauty, is it? Turn around. -Where did you get it? I. sold the car. -I. sold the car. You shouldn't have done that. I know what it meant to you. -You shouldn't have done that. I know what it meant to you. I owe you for the rent. It's only a car. I can get another. -I owe you for the rent. It's only a car. I can get another. Take it back. Till you sell your book. -Take it back. Till you sell your book. Come on, Marion. Let's face the truth. Nobody's going to publish it. -Come on, Marion. Let's face the truth. Nobody's going to publish it. Of course they will. You just have to be patient. I'm betting on you. -You're my prisoner. I've got something to tell you. -I've got something to tell you. I want to hear it. -I want to hear it. I've got a job. -I've got a job. What job? -In a casino. As a croupier. A dealer. How did you land that? -How did you land that? It came my way. 450 a week. -It came my way. 450 a week. 450? What did you do, just walked in and said I want to be a croupier? Don't you need training? -450? What did you do, just walked in and said I want to be a croupier? Don't you need training? I had training. In the Republic. -I had training. In the Republic. You were a croupier there? You never told me that. I thought you just knew some gamblers. -You were a croupier there? You never told me that. I thought you just knew some gamblers. I start Monday week. -You sold the car. You got a job. What's the third thing? Tell me. There's no third thing. Don't be superstitious. -There's no third thing. Don't be superstitious. I love you Jack, you know that. -Are you trying to read my palm? You've got such beautiful hands. -What's the time? I don't know. -How did it go? Fine. -You're shaking. What is it? Tension. It'll go. -Tension. It'll go. Poor baby. This'll relax you. -I loved it blond. It's only hair. I haven't changed. -When you get home, I'm asleep. When I leave home, you're asleep. I'll see you in my dreams. -Where've you been? I've got to give evidence in court at nine. Don't play the cop with me, Marion. -Don't play the cop with me, Marion. Take that back! Fucking take that back. I'm not a cop any more. -Take that back! Fucking take that back. I'm not a cop any more. I take it back. You're not a cop any more. You're a store detective. -I take it back. You're not a cop any more. You're a store detective. Are you drunk? -Are you drunk? Probably. -Probably. This fucking job's getting to you. You haven't written a fucking word since you started. -This fucking job's getting to you. You haven't written a fucking word since you started. Do you have to swear all the time? -Do you have to swear all the time? Well, that's my poor upbringing. I didn't go to no private school. I haven't got no class. I want to live with a writer. Not a fucking croupier. I don't even know what the word means. Croupier. -Well, that's my poor upbringing. I didn't go to no private school. I haven't got no class. I want to live with a writer. Not a fucking croupier. I don't even know what the word means. Croupier. Marion, stop this. -Marion, stop this. What do I mean to you? I want to know. Tell me. -You're my conscience. Haven't you got a conscience of your own? -What are you doing here? You know the rules. What about a drink on the way home? -What about a drink on the way home? I don't finish till eight. Make it nine and you're on. -I don't finish till eight. Make it nine and you're on. I'm on at nine. -I'm on at nine. Well, that's our life now, isn't it? -I don't like it. Why not? -Why not? I don't like it at all. You had a wonderful character before, the Gambler. He was so romantic. -I don't like it at all. You had a wonderful character before, the Gambler. He was so romantic. He was a loser. This guy's a croupier. He can't lose. People have shat on him all his life. Now he's in control. He's a winner. -He was a loser. This guy's a croupier. He can't lose. People have shat on him all his life. Now he's in control. He's a winner. Is that your idea of a winner? He doesn't give a shit about anyone. He uses people and -- -Is that your idea of a winner? He doesn't give a shit about anyone. He uses people and -- -- It's because of the sex, isn't it? You don't like the sex in it. --- It's because of the sex, isn't it? You don't like the sex in it. I don't give a fuck about the sex. Most men'll fuck a lamppost. He's just a miserable zombie. Is that the way you feel now? Is that what's happened to you? -I don't give a fuck about the sex. Most men'll fuck a lamppost. He's just a miserable zombie. Is that the way you feel now? Is that what's happened to you? Marion. It's a book. -Marion. It's a book. Oh really. Then why is he called Jake. Why don't you come clean and call him Jack. There's no hope in it. -Oh really. Then why is he called Jake. Why don't you come clean and call him Jack. There's no hope in it. It's the truth. -It's the truth. Without hope there's no point to anything. -Without hope there's no point to anything. Now wait a minute. What's so hopeful about your job? Spending the day catching poor people stealing. You said yourself the organised gangs get away with it. At least in the casino everybody gets caught. Rich or poor, the odds are the same. It's all relative. -Now wait a minute. What's so hopeful about your job? Spending the day catching poor people stealing. You said yourself the organised gangs get away with it. At least in the casino everybody gets caught. Rich or poor, the odds are the same. It's all relative. Crap. It's not relative. It's unfair. Like your casino. It's designed unfair. And your croupier's a little shit because he goes along with it. -The door, Jack. Leave it. -Leave it. No. Answer it! -It's beautiful. Thank you. I hope it brings you luck. -I hope it brings you luck. It will. -That girl, she works at the casino -- -- I don't care about her. Of course, I was angry. But not with you. The book is yours not mine. I was wrong, what I said about it. I hurt you, didn't I? --- I don't care about her. Of course, I was angry. But not with you. The book is yours not mine. I was wrong, what I said about it. I hurt you, didn't I? You're entitled to your opinion. -You're entitled to your opinion. It's none of my business what you write. And your job, that's none of my business either. I love you. And I've done everything wrong. -I'll leave the casino soon. I promise. You will? -You will? Within a month. Believe me, I'm going to quit! -What? You were talking in your sleep. -You were talking in your sleep. Not talking. Writing. -Aren't you ever tempted to gamble? Never. Why do you ask? -Never. Why do you ask? I can just imagine, being around so much money all the time... -I can just imagine, being around so much money all the time... Gambling's not about money. -Gambling's not about money. Really? -Really? Gambling's about not facing reality. Ignoring the odds. -How did you know I was here? I thought you wouldn't want to spend Christmas Day alone in here. -I don't want a criminal for a boyfriend. There was a message, wasn't there? -There was a message, wasn't there? It's probably easier for you to eat the rice. -It's probably easier for you to eat the rice. Marion! What did you tell the police? -Marion! What did you tell the police? Nothing about you. -Nothing about you. Then what? -Then what? Give up being a croupier, Jack. Or I'll shop you. All you have to do is keep your word. It's that simple. -Here...use a spoon. Leave me alone, Marion. -Leave me alone, Marion. You're already alone. -Why did you take the money? I hate public transport. -I hate public transport. What? -What? I want to buy a car. -I want to buy a car. How can anyone be that naive? -Great. Found a job? -Found a job? No. -No. Well I've got something for you. In London, I mean. I've been chatting to some friends. Do you know the Golden Lion casino? It's in Bayswater, I believe... They're looking for a dealer, a croupier. -Don't be stubborn. The pay won't be grand, but it's regular. That's what you need, isn't it? I know you don't like taking my advice... It's not that. -It's not that. I've set this up for you. Call the Golden Lion and ask for Mr Reynolds, he's the Manager. I don't know him personally, but I've spoken to his boss. Don't say no, Jacko. Give yourself a break. -For Christ's sake, Jacko, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Have you written that name down? Reynolds, at the Golden Lion. All right, dad. Yes, I'll call him. -So how are you doing, dad? Great. I've just started a new company. Solid financing. It's good. I love you Jacko, you know that -Great. I've just started a new company. Solid financing. It's good. I love you Jacko, you know that Yes, I know that. -Yes, I know that. Don't let yourself down. -Don't let yourself down. I won't. Goodbye, dad. -I'm sorry, madam, we don't accept gratuities in the UK. It's different in South Africa. You know where I'm from? -I've lived there. Well, thank you anyway. -Oh hello. You know what? I'd like to buy you a drink. -You know what? I'd like to buy you a drink. It's against the rules. Dealers are forbidden to talk to punters. -It's against the rules. Dealers are forbidden to talk to punters. That's stupid. What are the odds of you being seen with me? -That's stupid. What are the odds of you being seen with me? Impossible to calculate. -To coincidence. There's a casino in this hotel. -There's a casino in this hotel. I'm not much of a gambler really. I just like this bar. -I'm not much of a gambler really. I just like this bar. So why did you come to my casino? -So why did you come to my casino? I was at a loose end. A friend of a friend gave me a courtesy membership. -I was at a loose end. A friend of a friend gave me a courtesy membership. First visit to London? -First visit to London? No, no. I come every couple of years. I always think I'm going to stay. I'm from Cape Town originally -No, no. I come every couple of years. I always think I'm going to stay. I'm from Cape Town originally I was born in the Transkei, on the Wild Coast. -I was born in the Transkei, on the Wild Coast. Near the casino. -Near the casino. In the casino. -In the casino. Now there's a coincidence. My father used to gamble there. -Now there's a coincidence. My father used to gamble there. Your father? -Your father? I loved the atmosphere. But it destroyed my poor mother. -I loved the atmosphere. But it destroyed my poor mother. The debts. -The debts. And the lies. Gamblers are born liars. -And the lies. Gamblers are born liars. And superstitious too. It's like witchcraft. -And superstitious too. It's like witchcraft. That's Africa. There's an African in all of us, isn't there? -That's Africa. There's an African in all of us, isn't there? We all came from Africa, supposedly. -We all came from Africa, supposedly. Do you believe in astrology? -Do you believe in astrology? Absolutely not. But then, I'm a Gemini and Geminis don't believe in astrology. -I'm not married. I wear it to keep the flies off. I must go. Let me pay for this. Absolutely not. -Absolutely not. Toss you for it. -Toss you for it. I don't gamble. -How did you hurt your hand? Just an accident. Nothing. -Just an accident. Nothing. Turn left ahead. -Jani, there's something I want to say. Before we get there. I don't know what the sleeping arrangements are. Giles probably expects us to share a room. That's fine. -He doesn't gamble. I'll watch. -What happened? Remember the guy who cheated at the table? -Remember the guy who cheated at the table? You don't like cheats, do you. -Which side do you like? You choose. -That trick tonight, I don't think I've ever seen that before. It can only work with amateurs, A pro would have spotted it. -It can only work with amateurs, A pro would have spotted it. I didn't. -I didn't. Then you're not a pro. -I'm in trouble. What kind of trouble? -What kind of trouble? I owe a lot of money. -I owe a lot of money. Was that why you did the two grand? I couldn't help you. -Was that why you did the two grand? I couldn't help you. I know that. But you can now. -I know that. But you can now. I don't have any money. switches on the light. JANI is looking distressed. -I don't have any money. switches on the light. JANI is looking distressed. Some people I know, they're planning to rob The Golden Lion. -They mean it. Who's they? -Who's they? My creditors. One night, around three in the morning, they'll come into the casino - -My creditors. One night, around three in the morning, they'll come into the casino - Forget it, Jani. It'll never work. -Forget it, Jani. It'll never work. The point is, they want a man inside. -The point is, they want a man inside. And I thought you were a bright woman. -And I thought you were a bright woman. Just listen. You don't have to do anything criminal. -Just listen. You don't have to do anything criminal. Robbery's not criminal? -You don't have to be criminal. A man will come up to your table and deliberately cheat. You'll see him, stop him, and the guy will make a big scene. There'll be chaos. And that's when it'll happen. You're serious. -You're serious. You won't be committing a crime. The man will cheat, you'll just be doing your job, that's all. -And I thought you were only after my body. I've come to know you. You're honest. I trust you. -I've come to know you. You're honest. I trust you. What'll you do when it all goes wrong? -What'll you do when it all goes wrong? It won't. -It won't. But if it does. -But if it does. You keep the ten thousand pounds. -You keep the ten thousand pounds. What ten thousand pounds? -These people will pay you ten thousand before and ten thousand after. They want someone they can be sure of, an honest dealer. That's the point. Not all dealers are honest. Mr Reynolds will never suspect you. Reynolds? You've done your research. -Next time it'll be my neck. What about my neck? -I want to go back to Cape Town, I want to start again, clean. I can't do it, Jani. -I can't do it, Jani. I'm asking you, as a...friend. You'd be saving the life of a friend. -I want you to forget what I said. Wait a minute... -Wait a minute... No, forget it. The bet's off. -How much do you owe? Let it go. -Let it go. Did they tell you to sleep with me? -Did they tell you to sleep with me? I told you, all bets are off. -I'm sorry. What for? -What for? I have to take the car. -Is it yes? Yes. -Yes. Thank you. -It doesn't seem fair. You're offering me ten grand in cash but you can't afford a decent place. Well, life's not fair. We know that. -Well, life's not fair. We know that. It's all relative. I need the money too. -It's all relative. I need the money too. Do you? -Do you? Yes. -Yes. The date's not set yet. I'll call you. One last thing: the man you're going to catch cheating, he may get violent. But you know how to deal with cheats. -The date's not set yet. I'll call you. One last thing: the man you're going to catch cheating, he may get violent. But you know how to deal with cheats. That bruise has cleared up nicely. -That bruise has cleared up nicely. Bruise? Oh, yes. It's better. -Bruise? Oh, yes. It's better. I've still got mine. -And your hand too. I took the bandage off yesterday. -Would you like a drink? No thank you. -I don't think we should meet again. It's a shame there aren't more men in the world like you. -Hello... Jack! It's Jani. -Jani! Where are you? Sun City. I've been meaning to call you for months. -Sun City. I've been meaning to call you for months. How are you? -How are you? Great. I'm getting married. At least, I think I am. -Great. I'm getting married. At least, I think I am. Did you solve your problems? -Did you solve your problems? Yes. I'm all over that now. Jack, hold on a minute. There's someone here who wants to talk to you... -Detective Inspector Ross. Who... -Who... Ross. -Ross. Who did it? Tell me! -Of course I recognised him! You did? -You did? I know a cheat when I see one. The man was a cheat. -You've been avoiding me. Have I? -Have I? I'm Lucy. -I'm Lucy. And what do you do, Lucy? -And what do you do, Lucy? I'm a witch. A white witch. Why don't we move on? -I'm a witch. A white witch. Why don't we move on? Are you going to put a spell on me? -Are you going to put a spell on me? I might. -Nice car. How much did you pay for it? Too much. Eighteen hundred. -Where to? Turn left at the lights. -Where do you live, Jack? Over the river. -Over the river. Have you got transport? -I'm going over the river. I'll give you a lift if you like. Thanks. -So how do you feel, your first night? I'll bet you're on a high. Nice car. -Nice car. She's my baby. -She's my baby. How long have you worked at the casino? -How long have you worked at the casino? Coming up to two years now. But I was away for six months. -Coming up to two years now. But I was away for six months. You've done pretty well. -You've done pretty well. Not bad. I have other interests, of course. -I'm off to a little watering hole. Why don't you join me? Relax. No thanks, Matt. I need my eight hours. -No thanks, Matt. I need my eight hours. I'll lay you five to one you won't sleep. In this job you have to unwind. Otherwise it'll kill you. I mean that. -I'll lay you five to one you won't sleep. In this job you have to unwind. Otherwise it'll kill you. I mean that. Some other time. -Look Matt, there's something I have to say to you. I saw you cheating. What the fuck are you talking about? -What the fuck are you talking about? That Greek guy who won at the end. You paid him out in 25s not 20s. -That Greek guy who won at the end. You paid him out in 25s not 20s. I don't cheat, Jack. You've got it wrong. -I don't cheat, Jack. You've got it wrong. I'm not going to report it. -What are you, a cop? If I see you do it again, I'll report it. -If I see you do it again, I'll report it. I don't get you. Even if it was true, which it isn't, what the fuck difference would it make to you? -I don't get you. Even if it was true, which it isn't, what the fuck difference would it make to you? Because if a supervisor knew I'd seen you and I hadn't reported it, I'd lose my job as well. And I can't afford that. -Because if a supervisor knew I'd seen you and I hadn't reported it, I'd lose my job as well. And I can't afford that. So it's Mr Clean. Wise up, Jack, this whole business is bent. The casino is nothing but legal theft. And that's OK. It's the system. Half the punters who come in are using stolen money, drug money, they haven't earned it. We earn our money. I'm on your side, Jack. I don't need an enemy. -So it's Mr Clean. Wise up, Jack, this whole business is bent. The casino is nothing but legal theft. And that's OK. It's the system. Half the punters who come in are using stolen money, drug money, they haven't earned it. We earn our money. I'm on your side, Jack. I don't need an enemy. You're talking about complicity. -You're talking about complicity. I don't know what that means. I'm talking about not rocking the boat. -Who are these guys? Mostly people in the casino business. A few drug dealers. -Mostly people in the casino business. A few drug dealers. And the girls? -And the girls? Just girls. What are you drinking? -Just girls. What are you drinking? Vodka. Straight. On the rocks. -Vodka. Straight. On the rocks. Good call. Help yourself. -Does Bella come here? That bitch? No. -Hey Jack, join us. No thanks. -No thanks. Don't worry, I won't report you! -Don't worry, I won't report you! I don't gamble. -I'm off. I need to sleep. Loosen up, Jack. If you don't, this job'll get to you. The pressure's too much, believe me, it'll break you. -Loosen up, Jack. If you don't, this job'll get to you. The pressure's too much, believe me, it'll break you. """The world breaks everyone, and afterwards many are strong in the broken places."" Ernest Hemingway." -I can't give you a lift back tonight. Don't worry. -Rough day? Rough life, Jack. -What happened to Bella? I'll tell you later. -What? You know what happened to me, don't you? That bitch Bella shopped me. I'd like to beat the shit out of her. I'd like to buy you a drink. -I'd like to buy you a drink. Cheers. Happy New Year. I really like you, Jacko, you're so fucking straight. Hey, you haven't changed your clothes! -I'm sorry, sir, that's a late bet. What are you talking about? It's 11, I've won. With this lady. -What are you talking about? It's 11, I've won. With this lady. You've won with the two chips you placed earlier, but the third chip was a late bet. -You've won with the two chips you placed earlier, but the third chip was a late bet. I put them on together. -I put them on together. I'm afraid that's not so, sir. -You don't recognise me? You had me barred. You fucking little worm. Wait a minute. You got yourself barred. -Wait a minute. You got yourself barred. It was you, you shit. -David Reynolds, I'm the Manager here. Sit down, John. Jack. -You've been recommended by the management here. They know your father. He has a bit of a reputation, hasn't he? Has he? -Has he? In any case, I understand you've had some previous experience... in South Africa. You'll find the rules a little different here. Before we start, you haven't got a police record, have you? -In any case, I understand you've had some previous experience... in South Africa. You'll find the rules a little different here. Before we start, you haven't got a police record, have you? No. -Where did you go to school? I was at Beadles. -I was at Beadles. I don't think I know that one. Private, I suppose. -There are three types of casino in the U.K. High volume. Small faction. And MOTR. That's middle of the road. Us. Do you have a Salon Prive? -Do you have a Salon Prive? We tried. But there wasn't enough business. The punters like company. -I have to assume the serial numbers on the bowl and cylinder correspond. We check every four days. -We check every four days. Why four? And not three or five? -Why four? And not three or five? It's the procedure here. Now sort the chips. -Stacks of 20. Rows of 5. Any exceptions? -Any exceptions? 25 pounds or 25 pence in fours. -25 pounds or 25 pence in fours. Give me 365. -You use two alternating, don't you? We do. -We do. Where's the magnet? -Where's the magnet? They've been tested. -Haven't you forgotten something? I don't think so. -I don't think so. Wipe your hands. -Not with your own cloth. Besides, your pockets will be stitched. What happens if I want to sneeze? -What happens if I want to sneeze? You won't. Not without permission. -How many aces are left? Five. -Five. I make it six. -I make it six. Five. -What makes you so sure? It's a rule. Always stand by your first count. The odds are you're right. -It's a rule. Always stand by your first count. The odds are you're right. Good call. -You want me to check? I said good call. -Let me just run through a few things. As a dealer you never gamble, not anywhere. We'll need your picture. What for? -What for? For the database. It can be accessed by every casino in the country. We have the same system for punters. -For the database. It can be accessed by every casino in the country. We have the same system for punters. I don't gamble. -I don't gamble. Ever? -Ever? I don't gamble, Mr Reynolds. -Next point. Friendships between croupiers inside or outside the casino are discouraged. Relationships with females working here are expressly forbidden. We had the same rule at Sun City, but it was impossible to check. -We had the same rule at Sun City, but it was impossible to check. This isn't South Africa. We'd know, because someone would report it. Believe me, someone always does. -This isn't South Africa. We'd know, because someone would report it. Believe me, someone always does. Does know? Or does report? What would happen if I knew something like that and didn't report it? -Does know? Or does report? What would happen if I knew something like that and didn't report it? We'd know. There are no secrets in this casino. You'd be punished. -We'd know. There are no secrets in this casino. You'd be punished. How? -How? First offence: verbal warning. Second offence: written warning. That one's filed and sometimes copied to the Gaming Board. My discretion. Third offence: you're sacked on the spot. You'd never work in a casino in this country again. There's another rule: you're forbidden to talk to or recognise a punter outside the casino. If you see someone who's gambled here, even if it's just casually on the street, you must ignore him. Or her. You're not married, are you? -Girlfriend? Yes. -Yes. She's not in the gaming business is she? -She's not in the gaming business is she? No. -This is our Crow's Nest. I'm showing it to you now, but you'll never see it again. Very impressive. -Very impressive. We have tapes in here that go back six months. Let me show you something. -You can start Monday week. Fine. -Fine. That hair will have to go. -That hair will have to go. Fine. -I just want the job. Jack, you're not the usual type we get here. -Why don't you take a break, Jack. All right, Mr Reynolds. -Mr Tchai always likes to play at that table, and only with Bella. Does he win? -Does he win? He's a good customer. -He's paying out in stacks of 25. I can see. -Thanks for the information. A pleasure. Pity about Bella. -A pleasure. Pity about Bella. She was a real asset. But what could I do? -How do you feel, Jack? Bruised. -Bruised. Take your time. Two weeks. Three if you need it. We'll pay you sick leave. I don't want to lose you. You're a good man. Here... -I have a reduced drive reading of seven thousand. Right, that checks out here. -Ninety seven million, minus eight, corrected to mass critical. I read that with a quantum increase of seven. -I'm getting this flickering light on one of my panels. What flickering light? -What flickering light? The one on unit... oh, I think it's GMR twelve zero zero. -The one on unit... oh, I think it's GMR twelve zero zero. Oh. What's wrong now? -Oh. What's wrong now? I'm not sure. I think something is fucked up somewhere in the ship, though. -I'm not sure. I think something is fucked up somewhere in the ship, though. I hope it's not the oven again. -I hope it's not the oven again. Yeah. -Yeah. Remember when the artificial gravity, went out in the toilet? -There she is. Definite 99%-plus probability that the planet is going to deviate from its normal orbit in another twelve thousand rotations. It'll spiral in toward its sun, and -- Eventual supernova. -I can tell, the damn thing just doesn't understand. Look, bomb... -What's he doin'? I think he's talking to it. -The key! Key? Key? What is the key? -Key? Key? What is the key? No, no, the key, the key to the fail- safe lock! -No, no, the key, the key to the fail- safe lock! Key? -Key? Where's the fail-safe key? -Where's the fail-safe key? The key! -The key! Where is it? What did you do with it? -Where is it? What did you do with it? I don't have it. I don't know where it is. -I don't have it. I don't know where it is. You must have it, you idiot, we can stop the bomb! -The key, goddamit, the key! Christ, twenty seconds, Christ! -Christ, twenty seconds, Christ! Where is the key? -Where is the key? We're gonna die, Boiler. We're gonna die. -It didn't go off. Oh, God... -Oh, God... It didn't go off. -It didn't go off. Boiler, we're alive. My heart. -We've got to disarm the bomb. Doolittle, are you there? -What was that, I didn't hear... It's Talby. He's drifting away from the ship without his jetpack. -What the hell? Yoo hoo, bomb... -Pinback, I have a computer reading of nine five seven seven. Time to start talking. -Well... now what? What do, you have for us now. Boiler? Not much. Nothing at all in this sector. -Not much. Nothing at all in this sector. Find me something, I don't care where it is. -Find me something, I don't care where it is. Well, I show a 95% probability of sentient life in the Horsehead Nebula... -Well, I show a 95% probability of sentient life in the Horsehead Nebula... Fuck that shit. -Fuck that shit. Well, it is kind of a long shot... -Well, it is kind of a long shot... It's a goddamn wild goose chase. Remember when Commander Powell found that 99 plus probability of sentient life in the Magellanic Cloud? -It's a goddamn wild goose chase. Remember when Commander Powell found that 99 plus probability of sentient life in the Magellanic Cloud? Well, there's the possibility of... -Well, there's the possibility of... Remember what we found? Fourteen light years for a fucking mindless vegetable that looked like a limp balloon and went squawk and let a fart when you touched it. Remember? -Remember what we found? Fourteen light years for a fucking mindless vegetable that looked like a limp balloon and went squawk and let a fart when you touched it. Remember? All right, then... -All right, then... So don't give me any of that sentient life crap. Find me something I can blow up. -Hey, Doolittle, here's one. An unstable planet. 85% probability of an unstable planet in the Veil Nebula that will probably go off its orbit and hit a star. Sounds good. Chart a course for the Veil Nebula. -Sounds good. Chart a course for the Veil Nebula. Pinback, throw me the chart log. -Why doesn't Talby ever eat down here with the rest of us? He just likes it up in the dome, that's all. -Quantum is up thirty-five. I read the same here. -Rechannel all safety relays -- -- open quantum latches -- -Talby, Talby, can you read me? Can you beat that? I always knew Talby was weird. -Can you beat that? I always knew Talby was weird. Talby, can you read me? -Well, bomb, we have about sixty seconds to drop. Just wondering if everything is all right. Have you checked your platinum euridium energy shielding? Energy shielding positive function. -Energy shielding positive function. Swell. Let's synchronize detonation time. Do you know when you're supposed to go off? -Swell. Let's synchronize detonation time. Do you know when you're supposed to go off? Detonation in six minutes, twenty seconds. -Detonation in six minutes, twenty seconds. All right, I have detonation time at... Wait a minute, something's wrong with the clock. All right, I have detonation time at... no, that can't be right, it says three years. Okay, I have six minutes exactly. Does that check out down there? -All right, I have detonation time at... Wait a minute, something's wrong with the clock. All right, I have detonation time at... no, that can't be right, it says three years. Okay, I have six minutes exactly. Does that check out down there? Check at six minutes. -Check at six minutes. Arm yourself, bomb. -Armed. Well, then, everything sounds fine. We'll drop you off in thirty-five seconds. Good luck. -Well, then, everything sounds fine. We'll drop you off in thirty-five seconds. Good luck. Thanks. -Thanks. Begin main sequence. Mark at 10-9-8- 7-6-5-4-3-2-1-drop. -Fail safe in lock. Four minutes to drop, 22 minutes to detonation. This is Sergeant Pinback calling Bomb #20. Do you read me, bomb? Bomb #20 to Sergeant Pinback. Roger, I read you, continue. -One hundred twenty seconds to drop, bomb, have you checked your platinum euridium energy shielding? Energy shielding positive function. -Energy shielding positive function. Do you remember the detonation time? -Do you remember the detonation time? Detonation in twenty minutes. -Detonation in twenty minutes. Right, that synchronizes here. Okay, bomb, arm yourself. -Right, that synchronizes here. Okay, bomb, arm yourself. Armed. -Everything sounds fine, bomb. Dropping you off in sixty seconds. Good luck. Thanks. -But you can't explode in the bomb bay. It's foolish. You'll kill us all. There's no reason for it. I am programmed to detonate in nine minutes. Detonation will occur at the programmed time. -I am programmed to detonate in nine minutes. Detonation will occur at the programmed time. You won't consider another course of action, for instance just waiting around awhile so we can disarm you? -You won't consider another course of action, for instance just waiting around awhile so we can disarm you? No. -You are false data. Huh? -Huh? Therefore, I shall ignore you. -Therefore, I shall ignore you. Hello, bomb. -Hello, bomb. False data can act only as a distraction. Therefore. I shall refuse to perceive you. -False data can act only as a distraction. Therefore. I shall refuse to perceive you. Hey, bomb. -Hey, bomb. The only thing which exists is myself. -The only thing which exists is myself. Bomb? -Snap out of it, bomb. In the beginning there was darkness, and the darkness was without form and void. -Hey, bomb... And I saw that I was alone. -This is Lieutenant Doolittle calling Bomb #20. I repeat previous order, you are to disarm yourself and return immediately to the bomb bay. Do you understand? I am programmed to detonate in fourteen minutes thirty seconds. Detonation will occur at the programmed time. -I am programmed to detonate in fourteen minutes thirty seconds. Detonation will occur at the programmed time. Bomb, this is Doolittle. You are not to detonate, repeat, you are not to detonate in the bomb bay. Disarm yourself. This is an order. -Bomb, this is Doolittle. You are not to detonate, repeat, you are not to detonate in the bomb bay. Disarm yourself. This is an order. I read you, Lieutenant Doolittle, but I am programmed to detonate in fourteen minutes. Detonation will occur at the programmed time. -Hello, bomb, are you with me? Of course. -Of course. Are you willing to entertain a few concepts? -Are you willing to entertain a few concepts? I am always receptive to suggestions. -I am always receptive to suggestions. Fine. Think about this one, then: how do you know you exist? -Well of course I exist. But how do you know you exist? -But how do you know you exist? It is intuitively obvious. -It is intuitively obvious. Intuition is no proof. What concrete evidence do you have of your own existence? -Intuition is no proof. What concrete evidence do you have of your own existence? Hmm... Well, I think, therefore I am. -Hmm... Well, I think, therefore I am. That's good. Very good. Now then, how do you know that anything else exists? -That's good. Very good. Now then, how do you know that anything else exists? My sensory apparatus reveals it to me. -My sensory apparatus reveals it to me. Right! -Right! This is fun. -This is fun. All right now, here's the big question: how do you know that the evidence your sensory apparatus reveals to you is correct? -What I'm getting at is this: the only experience that is directly available to you is your sensory data. And this data is merely a stream of electrical impulses which stimulate your computing center. In other words, all I really know about the outside universe relayed to me through my electrical connections. -In other words, all I really know about the outside universe relayed to me through my electrical connections. Exactly. -Exactly. Why, that would mean... I really don't know what the outside universe is like at all, for certain. -Why, that would mean... I really don't know what the outside universe is like at all, for certain. That's it. -That's it. Intriguing. I wish I had more time to discuss this matter. -Intriguing. I wish I had more time to discuss this matter. Why don't you have more time? -Why don't you have more time? Because I must detonate in seventy- five seconds. -Now, bomb, consider this next question, very carefully. What is your one purpose in life? To explode, of course. -To explode, of course. And you can only do it once, right? -And you can only do it once, right? That is correct. -That is correct. And you wouldn't want to explode on the basis of false data, would you? -And you wouldn't want to explode on the basis of false data, would you? Of course not. -Of course not. Well then, you've already admitted that you have no real proof of the existence of the outside universe. -Well then, you've already admitted that you have no real proof of the existence of the outside universe. Yes, well... -Yes, well... So you have no absolute proof that Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate. -So you have no absolute proof that Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate. I recall distinctly the detonation order. My memory is good on matters like these. -I recall distinctly the detonation order. My memory is good on matters like these. Yes, of course you remember it, but what you are remembering is merely a series of electrical impulses which you now realize have no necessary connection with outside reality. -Yes, of course you remember it, but what you are remembering is merely a series of electrical impulses which you now realize have no necessary connection with outside reality. True, but since this is so, I have no proof that you are really telling me all this. -That's all beside the point. The concepts are valid, wherever they originate. Hmmm... -Hmmm... So if you detonate in... -So if you detonate in... ...nine seconds... -...nine seconds... ...you may be doing so on the basis of false data. -...you may be doing so on the basis of false data. I have no proof that it was false data. -I have no proof that it was false data. You have no proof that it was correct data. -Ah, what'd you say, Pinback? Mafhkin oble groop... -Mafhkin oble groop... Ah, what was that again, I still can't hear you? -Ah, what was that again, I still can't hear you? I said I'm trying to reach Talby. Something's wrong with the damn intercom. I need a last-minute diameter approximation. -I need a GHF reading on the gravity correction. I'll check it. -Pinback... Yes, Doolittle. -Yes, Doolittle. Your GHF reading is minus fifteen. -Your GHF reading is minus fifteen. Doolittle... -Doolittle... Yes. -Yes. I need a computer reading on a fail- safe mark. -I need a computer reading on a fail- safe mark. In a second. -In a second. Boiler, can you set me up with some temp figures? -New star. Hey, guess what? I got a new star on the readout. Which one? -Which one? Another unknown. Not on the charts. A red dwarf. -Another unknown. Not on the charts. A red dwarf. Any planets? -Any planets? Yeah. Eight, it says here. -Yeah. Eight, it says here. Any of 'em any good? -Any of 'em any good? Naah. All stable. -What are you gonna name it? What? -What? The new star. What are you gonna name it? -The new star. What are you gonna name it? Who cares. Don't bother me. -Commander Powell would have named it. Commander Powell is dead. -Come on, Doolittle, give it a name. Fred. -Fred. Wha? -Wha? I hereby name this star Fred. -Hey, Doolittle, think we'll ever find real intelligent life out there? Out where? -Out where? Veil nebula. -Veil nebula. Who cares? -Mark at 5-4-3-2-1-drop. Ah, negative drop. --- open circuit breakers -- -- remove thrust drive repellant -- --- remove thrust drive repellant -- -- automatic channels open -- --- automatic channels open -- -- Remark. --- Remark. 5-4-3-2-1-drop, drop, drop! -I'm coming in now. I'm down by the Emergency Air Lock. Too much trouble to come in the Ventral Lock. Would you blow the seal on the emergency hatch so I can come in? Oh, sure. -Hello, Pinback, are you there? Yeah, Doolittle. What's up? -Yeah, Doolittle. What's up? Talby was in the air lock. You blew him out of the ship. I'm going after him. Turn on his helmet radio so I can contact him. -TALBY! Oh! Ah, yes, Doolittle. What is it? -I need a diameter approximation. Okay, Doolittle, I'll have it in a minute. -You know, Talby, you really ought to eat with the rest of us. You spend too much time up here. I like it up here. -I like it up here. Must get lonely being up here so much. -Must get lonely being up here so much. I don't like to go below since Commander Powell died. I feel enclosed down there. If it were big enough, I'd sleep up here... -I don't like to go below since Commander Powell died. I feel enclosed down there. If it were big enough, I'd sleep up here... ...Should spend some time below, see more of the rest of the ship... -...Should spend some time below, see more of the rest of the ship... ...You see, I can watch things up here, Doolittle. I love to watch things, just stare at the planets and meteors and asteroids, gas clusters... -...You see, I can watch things up here, Doolittle. I love to watch things, just stare at the planets and meteors and asteroids, gas clusters... You'll have plenty of time for that, you know. Figure it this way: twenty years in space and we've only aged three, so there'll be plenty of time to stare around... -You'll have plenty of time for that, you know. Figure it this way: twenty years in space and we've only aged three, so there'll be plenty of time to stare around... You know, Doollttle, if we're going into the Veil Nebula, we may actually find a strange and beautiful thing: the Phoenix Asteroids. They should be passing through there about now... -You know, Doollttle, if we're going into the Veil Nebula, we may actually find a strange and beautiful thing: the Phoenix Asteroids. They should be passing through there about now... Phoenix Asteroids? Never heard of 'em. -Phoenix Asteroids? Never heard of 'em. They are a body of asteroids that make a complete circuit of the universe once every 12.3 trillion years. The Phoenix Asteroids... From what I've heard, Doolittle, they glow... glow with all the colors of the rainbow. Nobody knows why. They just glow as they drift around the universe. Imagine all the sights they've seen in the time they've been travelling -- the birth and death of stars, things we'll never see. The universe is alive, Doolittle. I thought it was all empty, but it isn't. In between the stars, it's seething with light and gasses and dust. There are little pebbles drifting around, planets no one on Earth has ever seen... No one but the Phoenix Asteroids... -You know what I think about, Talby? I'm getting something here, on this readout... -I'm getting something here, on this readout... It's funny, but I kind of sit around, you know, a lot of time to myself... -It's funny, but I kind of sit around, you know, a lot of time to myself... I think I'm getting a malfunction here somewhere. -I think I'm getting a malfunction here somewhere. I can't talk to the others, but with time to myself, I think about back home, back home at Malibu. I used to surf a lot, Talby. I used to be a great surfer. -I can't talk to the others, but with time to myself, I think about back home, back home at Malibu. I used to surf a lot, Talby. I used to be a great surfer. Lieutenant Doolittle, I'm getting a definite malfunction on one of the closed-circuit computer systems... -Lieutenant Doolittle, I'm getting a definite malfunction on one of the closed-circuit computer systems... The waves at Malibu and Zuma were fantastic in the springs Talby. I can remember running out on the beach early spring mornings with my board and a wet suit... -The waves at Malibu and Zuma were fantastic in the springs Talby. I can remember running out on the beach early spring mornings with my board and a wet suit... I can't seem to locate the malfunction exactly... -I can't seem to locate the malfunction exactly... Waves would be peaking really high and glassy. Hit that water. Ridin' the wall just perfect. -Waves would be peaking really high and glassy. Hit that water. Ridin' the wall just perfect. ...Somewhere in the autonomic relay circuits... -...Somewhere in the autonomic relay circuits... I guess I miss the waves and my board most of all. -Ah, Doolittle, I do have a malfunction on this readout, but I can't seem to pinpoint exactly where it is. Don't worry about it. We'll find out when it goes bad. -Don't worry about it. We'll find out when it goes bad. I really think I should try and locate it immediately. Might be something important. -I really think I should try and locate it immediately. Might be something important. I wish I had my board with me now. Even if I could only polish it once in awhile. -Lieutenant Doolittle, this is Talby. Lieutenant? Yes, Talby, what is it? -Yes, Talby, what is it? Sorry to interrupt your lunch, sir, but I'm in the Computer Room, and I think I've located the malfunction. The scanner shows it to be some sort of fault in the communications laser, down by the Emergency Air Lock. Can't pinpoint it exactly, but I'm going down there with a starsuit and try to find it. -Sorry to interrupt your lunch, sir, but I'm in the Computer Room, and I think I've located the malfunction. The scanner shows it to be some sort of fault in the communications laser, down by the Emergency Air Lock. Can't pinpoint it exactly, but I'm going down there with a starsuit and try to find it. Sounds good, Talby. Let me know if anything important comes up. -Ah, Lieutenant Doolittle? Sir? Sh, Talby, don't bother me now. -Sh, Talby, don't bother me now. Ah, well, I think I've found the malfunction, sir. I'm in the Emergency Air Lock... -Ah, well, I think I've found the malfunction, sir. I'm in the Emergency Air Lock... Not now! -Not now! Well, I'm in the Emergency Air Lock and -- -Doolittle! Help me. Calm down, Talby. I'm coming. -Doolittle, Doolittle, where are you? Here I am. I think I'm spinning... We're both falling, Talby, in opposite directions, away from each other. My -- my jetpack's gone. -Here I am. I think I'm spinning... We're both falling, Talby, in opposite directions, away from each other. My -- my jetpack's gone. What happened, Doolittle? -What happened, Doolittle? Bomb must have gone off inside the ship. Nothing we can do about it now. Hey, it looks like... the skipper. He made it. Commander Powell made it! -Looks like I'm headed for the planet, Talby. Going right toward it. When you fall, Doolittle, if there's anyone down there on the planet, somebody may see you. They may see you coming down. What a beautiful way to die... as a falling star... -When you fall, Doolittle, if there's anyone down there on the planet, somebody may see you. They may see you coming down. What a beautiful way to die... as a falling star... Guess you're right. -Oh yeah? Doolittle... I think it's the Phoenix Asteroids! -Doolittle... I think it's the Phoenix Asteroids! Phoenix? -It is, Doolittle, it's the Phoenix! They glow with all the colors of the rainbow, just like everybody said. No kidding? -No kidding? I'm going into them, I'm going to hit them. Doolittle... -I'm going into them, I'm going to hit them. Doolittle... Yeah? -Yeah? Before we get too far away, and our signals start to fade, I just wanted to tell you... you were my favorite. I really liked you, Doolittle. -Before we get too far away, and our signals start to fade, I just wanted to tell you... you were my favorite. I really liked you, Doolittle. I really liked you too, Talby. Hey, some debris from the ship! It's coming right by me. -Commander Powell, this is Doolittle. Ah, there's something serious come up, sir, and I have to ask you something. I'm glad you've come to talk with me, Doolittle. It's been so long since anyone has come to talk with me. -I'm glad you've come to talk with me, Doolittle. It's been so long since anyone has come to talk with me. Commander, sir, we have a big problem. You see, the Veil Nebula bomb, Bomb Number 20, is stuck. It won't drop from the bomb bay. It refuses to listen and plans to detonate in -- -- less than eleven minutes. -Commander, sir, we have a big problem. You see, the Veil Nebula bomb, Bomb Number 20, is stuck. It won't drop from the bomb bay. It refuses to listen and plans to detonate in -- -- less than eleven minutes. Doolittle, you must tell me one thing. -Doolittle, you must tell me one thing. What's that, sir? -What's that, sir? Tell me, Doolittle, how are the Dodgers doing? -Tell me, Doolittle, how are the Dodgers doing? Well, sir, the Dodgers broke up, disbanded over thirteen years ago. -Well, sir, the Dodgers broke up, disbanded over thirteen years ago. Ah... pity, pity... -Ah... pity, pity... You don't understand, sir, we can't get the bomb to drop. -You don't understand, sir, we can't get the bomb to drop. Ah, so many malfunctions... why don't you have anything nice to tell me when you activate me? Oh, well, did you try the azimuth clutch? -Ah, so many malfunctions... why don't you have anything nice to tell me when you activate me? Oh, well, did you try the azimuth clutch? Yes sir. Negative effect. -Yes sir. Negative effect. What was that, Doolittle? -What was that, Doolittle? Negative effect. -Negative effect. It didn't work? -It didn't work? That's correct, sir. -That's correct, sir. Sorry, Doolittle. I've forgotten so much since I've been in here. So much. -Sorry, Doolittle. I've forgotten so much since I've been in here. So much. What should we do, sir? The time is running out. -What should we do, sir? The time is running out. Well, what you might try is -- -Commander Powell? Commander, hello! Doolittle, hello? -Doolittle, hello? Sorry, sir, you faded out there for a minute. -Sorry, sir, you faded out there for a minute. Sorry. -Sorry. What were you saying, Commander, about the bomb? -What were you saying, Commander, about the bomb? Ah... it seems to me, Doolittle... Sorry, I've drawn a blank. Hold it. I'll have it again in a minute. I forget so many things in here, so many things. Hold on, just a minute, let me think... -Commander? Are you still there? Oh, yes, Doolittle, I'm thinking. -Oh, yes, Doolittle, I'm thinking. We're running out of time, sir. -We're running out of time, sir. Oh, yes... Well, Doolittle, if you can't get it to drop you'll have to talk to it. -Oh, yes... Well, Doolittle, if you can't get it to drop you'll have to talk to it. Sir? -Sir? Talk to the bomb. -Talk to the bomb. I already have, sir, and Pinback is talking to it now. -I already have, sir, and Pinback is talking to it now. No, no, Doolittle, you talk to it. Teach it Phenomenology, Doolittle. -No, no, Doolittle, you talk to it. Teach it Phenomenology, Doolittle. Sir? -Sir? Phenomenology... -Men... men... what happened, men? Yeah, the skipper always was lucky. -Who are you? Bruno's girlfriend. -Bruno's girlfriend. Oh, yeah? -Oh, yeah? Yeah. -Yeah. But see tonight wives and girlfriends aren't invited. -But see tonight wives and girlfriends aren't invited. No? -No? No... Cause tonight the girls are here in a more or less professional capacity. All of them work for me, and you don't... Let's go. -Okay, okay. I can explain... You ever have to do something you really don't want to? How I make my living, what's your point? -How I make my living, what's your point? This. -Mr. Sonrisa saw you on the cameras. He wants you to come see him. I'm on a break. -I'm on a break. Guess again. -No wire. Now that that's out of the way... You want the woman, here's how it works. You pull fifty large out of your mattress or wherever, and I make a call to bring her in. -Or we can work on your face with a pair of pliers for a couple of hours and you tell us where she is. Or we could go another way 'cause your boss seems to like my face just the way it is. -Look, that thing about the pliers, I was just doing what the man pays me to do. Ya know? Comin' off hard. Yeah, sure, I understand. -I never woulda done it. Probably not, anyway. I mean, I actually think you're pretty cool. Yeah? -You're attractive, you're smart. Stand on your own two feet, know what I mean? And you got a wicked sense of humor. Man, you really zinged the boss a couple times, it was all I could do-- Sooo...whattya think? Maybe after I betray the woman who trusts me and you take her and her daughter out and execute them...we could go on a date. Play a little miniature golf or somethin'. -Man, you got a bad attitude. I like to keep it professional, that's all. -Fine. So call her. Get her over here. Actually, that's not gonna be necessary. -Actually, that's not gonna be necessary. What? -What? That's not why we're here. -That's not why we're here. What the hell are you talkin' about? Call her. -Call the skank now or I start redecorating. You haven't figured this out yet, have you? You walk in here thinking you're gonna cap her then cap me and take the money back to your boss with your tail wagging... But see it's really the other way around. You think I'm the whack, when actually you're the whack. -See what you don't know is you're already in the last two minutes of your life. You're in the last two seconds, you don't cut the crap. -You can hardly blame him, the way you've been taking care of business...or should I say, not taking care of it. What're you talkin' about? -What're you talkin' about? I'm hired to do a piece of work, my mark goes down and stays down. Your's makes it to the hospital where you then gotta go finish the job. Only the cops got the whole thing on video tape. -I'm hired to do a piece of work, my mark goes down and stays down. Your's makes it to the hospital where you then gotta go finish the job. Only the cops got the whole thing on video tape. That's a lotta crap. -That's a lotta crap. Security camera got you coming outta the stairwell, weapon in your hand, going to room one-oh-four and greasing the patient. It's embarrassing to the professional community, is what it is. -Security camera got you coming outta the stairwell, weapon in your hand, going to room one-oh-four and greasing the patient. It's embarrassing to the professional community, is what it is. How come I never hearda you before? -How come I never hearda you before? I'm outta Portland. Sonrisa didn't want local talent. -This is what your life's worth, Bruno. But the boss knows I always been loyal. -But the boss knows I always been loyal. He's got exposure. He sees you starin' at fifteen to life, there's a chance you could roll over, cop a plea, who knows? Man's figured the odds...and he can't take a chance. -Ass like your, I can see why he's worried you'll punk. What the hell are you doing? -What the hell are you doing? Who's Camille? -Who's Camille? None of your business. -None of your business. This won't hurt. Triple dose of insulin, you'll go into a coma, couple minutes you'll stop breathing and on a busy night, the coroner will probably mistake it for an O.D. Plus, it's way classier than blowin' your brains out. -Some of us are trying to sleep. You didn't tell me you lived with her. -You didn't tell me you lived with her. You know each other? -Nothing happened between me and Tia. Leave. Now. -Leave. Now. Can I say something in my defense? -Can I say something in my defense? No. -Move it. Where? -How're ya doin', Max. You mean until you showed up? -You mean until you showed up? You're not still pissed? -'Cause you went out the back door and nailed her girlfriend? Who would take offense to that? Justine was not an unwilling participant. -Do you know why I went after Justine? She was there... -She was there... Trying to have a relationship with you, Max, is like standing in a fog bank. You know you're in the middle of something only you have absolutely no idea where you are. -Trying to have a relationship with you, Max, is like standing in a fog bank. You know you're in the middle of something only you have absolutely no idea where you are. And when the fog lifted, there's Darren with his head under Justine's skirt. -And when the fog lifted, there's Darren with his head under Justine's skirt. Could you give us a moment. -Why would I be pissed? It was a complicated situation which could have been misconstrued, causing you to maybe take offense. -I was crazy about you...am crazy about you. But you keep everyone at arm's length like there's some great big dark something going on that-- I don't know... It's just that the more I tried to get close to you, the more you pulled away. I'm really glad we're having this conversation. You're right. I was angry at you. But talking about it-- The scales have fallen from my eyes and I see now that it was all my fault. Can you ever forgive me? -I'm really glad we're having this conversation. You're right. I was angry at you. But talking about it-- The scales have fallen from my eyes and I see now that it was all my fault. Can you ever forgive me? I see the perimeter defense system is still fully intact... At least I tried. -What are you doing here? I live here... Guess I don't have to ask what you're doing here. -I live here... Guess I don't have to ask what you're doing here. You're roommates? -What is it? Police drone. -It's a sweep. C'mon. What? Where're we going? -Lemme put some clothes on. No time. -Out there. No way. -No way. Unless you wanna end up in jail, let me and Kendra handle the cops. -But I'm afraid of-- Don't look down. -Nobody there to sign for it, mon. What's a bruddah s'posed to do, ride around all day with the damn package? So you just decided to return it to the sender. Or, in this case, the sender's wife. -So you just decided to return it to the sender. Or, in this case, the sender's wife. "Like de prophets say, ""Only the unrighteous husband sends expensive gift- wrapped underpants to another woman.""" -Which is none of your business...or mine. It concerns only Jah. But, in this case, I was the instrument of the Most High. -It concerns only Jah. But, in this case, I was the instrument of the Most High. Yeah, well around here, I'm the Most High... From now on, before you do anything, call in for instructions. -What're you lookin' at me for? I'm not his next of kin. Anyway, I don't got that kind of cash lyin' around. Theo rode for this place a long time, man. -Where'd you clip this? I didn't. It was a present from a guy. -I didn't. It was a present from a guy. Must think you're pretty special laying this on you. -Must think you're pretty special laying this on you. Thought so. Turned out he wanted me for something else though. -Thought so. Turned out he wanted me for something else though. Same old story. Not interested. -Same old story. Not interested. Thought I'd let you have first crack... Later. -What're you looking for? A grand. -A grand. Which means I gotta fence it for two. Who's got that kinda scrilla lying around, these being the worst of the times. -Which means I gotta fence it for two. Who's got that kinda scrilla lying around, these being the worst of the times. I ain't mad at you... -I ain't mad at you... I'll give you seventy-five bucks for it. -I'll give you seventy-five bucks for it. Later. -I shouldn't do this. But I got a client lookin' to score some fire power. Maybe you'll keep your eyes open for me. I don't get involved with guns. -I don't get involved with guns. I'll make it worth your while. -I'll make it worth your while. It's a rule. -You're light a deuce. Am I? -So Max, what do you do with all your money? I got overhead... -I made you coffee. That oughta help you cope with the injustice of the world a little. Thanks, it's starting to kick in. I feel almost human. -Thanks, it's starting to kick in. I feel almost human. Yeah, me too. -He's a mistake I made about six months before you did. But don't feel bad. Justine made the same mistake, along with Renee, Jada, Tia, Brooke-- Yech... -What a creep. And for all his cattin' around, not much of a stick man either. -What's with you? Every week this scumbag puts the squeeze on us and every week you roll out the welcome wagon like he's family. Just thought maybe he'd like a little coffee with his saliva. -Just thought maybe he'd like a little coffee with his saliva. You didn't... -You didn't... Every week. -Oh my God! In here! IN HERE! SHHH! Don't do that! -Damn... Are you alright? They took my daughter. -They took my daughter. I know. -I know. I couldn't get to her. It all happened so fast. Logan had her, and I saw him fall...then Peter told me to run. And then he...and I remember so clearly, thinking it's me they want. If I run, maybe they'll come after me. Maybe they won't think about her... So I ran... -Your daughter's the only leverage they have to keep you quiet. Can you help me get her back? -Can you help me get her back? Look, I'd really like to... -If I give myself up in exchange for Sophy, would you make sure she's okay? We're not going that route. Sonrisa's not someone you make deals with. -We're not going that route. Sonrisa's not someone you make deals with. What else can we do? -What else can we do? Like I said-- This isn't my regular line of work so I'm making it up as I go. -Look, we gotta keep the momentum up here, not give her a chance to think. If she hears her kid's voice... Hello... -Hello... Hang on, Lauren. We're conferencing in Sophy. -Goodnight Bears. Goodnight chairs. Goodnight kittens. Goodnight mittens. Goodnight clocks. And goodnight socks. Goodnight little house. And goodnight-- I don't want to move away. -I don't want to move away. I know, Honey, but just think how exiting it will be-- new house, new school, new friends-- -I know, Honey, but just think how exiting it will be-- new house, new school, new friends-- But why can't we stay here? -But why can't we stay here? Because we can't. There's nothing here for us anymore. -Because we can't. There's nothing here for us anymore. Are we in some kind of trouble? -Are we in some kind of trouble? No... -No... Then how come last night I heard you talking to Logan and you were crying? -What makes you cry? If I'm sad, or tired, or sometimes when I'm angry or when somebody's being mean to me. -If I'm sad, or tired, or sometimes when I'm angry or when somebody's being mean to me. Pretty much the same reasons I was crying. But things will be better when we move to a new place. -Pretty much the same reasons I was crying. But things will be better when we move to a new place. Then I'm gonna do what you do to make me feel better when I'm sad. -Sophy? Are you okay? Mommy, where are you? -Mommy, where are you? Don't worry, I'm coming to get you. -Don't worry, I'm coming to get you. When? -When? Soon, baby. -Soon, baby. Mommy, I'm scared. -Mommy, I'm scared. There's nothing to be afraid of. Everything's going to be alright. -You're a thief? Girl's gotta make a living. -Girl's gotta make a living. Thank God. -Thank God. First time I ever heard that. -First time I ever heard that. I was expecting someone else. -I was expecting someone else. Guess it wasn't the pizza delivery guy. -Guess it wasn't the pizza delivery guy. You're lucky. I almost pulled the trigger. -I'm sorry if I caught you at a bad time. We're just a little tense right now... It's okay. -You have good taste. French, 1920's, attributed to Chitarus. Whoever that is. -Whoever that is. So, what, you liked it because it was shiny? -So, what, you liked it because it was shiny? No, because it's the Egyptian goddess Bast. -No, because it's the Egyptian goddess Bast. Who is... -Who is... The goddess who comprehends all goddesses, eye of Ra, protector, avenger, and destroyer, giver of life, who lives forever... I could keep going. -So this guy walks into a bar and says... We didn't get a chance to finish our conversation the other night. -Original Cindy, say hi to my good friend-- Logan Cale. -Sorry about your window. Can we go somewhere and talk? -Lemme get my coat. The one you're wearing? -How'd you find me? Wasn't that hard. -Wasn't that hard. Am I s'posed to be flattered by all the attention? -Am I s'posed to be flattered by all the attention? Now you know who I am, where I live. I figured I better find out who I'm dealing with in case you were looking to hurt me. -Now you know who I am, where I live. I figured I better find out who I'm dealing with in case you were looking to hurt me. So now you tracked me down. What d'ya think? -So now you tracked me down. What d'ya think? Too early to tell. -Too early to tell. How does Mrs. Eyes Only like being married to a guy on everybody's hit list? -How does Mrs. Eyes Only like being married to a guy on everybody's hit list? Lauren's not my wife. -Lauren's not my wife. Girlfriend? -Girlfriend? One of my sources. Her husband was murdered by Edgar Sonrisa. -One of my sources. Her husband was murdered by Edgar Sonrisa. What's your shot in all this? Being a famous, anonymous, underground, pirate, cyber-journalist can't be much of a payday. -What's your shot in all this? Being a famous, anonymous, underground, pirate, cyber-journalist can't be much of a payday. Fortunately, my needs are met in that department. -Fortunately, my needs are met in that department. So, what, you just like the sound of your own voice? -So, what, you just like the sound of your own voice? Look around at all this... Built by people who got up every morning and worked hard trying to make a better life. Then the bomb happened and everyone got scared. They blinked and before they knew it they'd given away the store to a bunch of thugs who were happy to take it off their hands. Overnight the government, the police, everything intended to protect the people had been turned against them. -Look around at all this... Built by people who got up every morning and worked hard trying to make a better life. Then the bomb happened and everyone got scared. They blinked and before they knew it they'd given away the store to a bunch of thugs who were happy to take it off their hands. Overnight the government, the police, everything intended to protect the people had been turned against them. You miss the good ol' days. Even though there were still poor people who died from diseases when they didn't have to. And rich people spent obscene amounts of money redecorating their houses to match the cat. Those good ol' days? -You miss the good ol' days. Even though there were still poor people who died from diseases when they didn't have to. And rich people spent obscene amounts of money redecorating their houses to match the cat. Those good ol' days? People had a choice, even if they took it for granted. And now they don't. -People had a choice, even if they took it for granted. And now they don't. So what are you gonna do about it? -So what are you gonna do about it? Something. -Something. Personally, I'm more interested in going fast on my motorcycle or climbing the Trans American building with my pals. Instead of giving myself a headache over stuff I can't do anything about. -Personally, I'm more interested in going fast on my motorcycle or climbing the Trans American building with my pals. Instead of giving myself a headache over stuff I can't do anything about. You accept the way things are, you're an active participant in making it worse. -You accept the way things are, you're an active participant in making it worse. Is the social studies class over for today? -Is the social studies class over for today? Yeah... -Ever notice how cats always seem to turn up around dinner time? I won't be staying. -I won't be staying. I'm not a half bad cook. -Like following me around and pestering the people I work with wasn't bad enough, but breaking into my apartment-- It was open. -It was open. You got a lotta nerve. -You got a lotta nerve. Me? You're the one who tried to rip off this piece. -Me? You're the one who tried to rip off this piece. Completely different situation. I steal things in order to sell them. For money. It's called commerce. But some stranger sneaking into a girl's bedroom is...bent. -Completely different situation. I steal things in order to sell them. For money. It's called commerce. But some stranger sneaking into a girl's bedroom is...bent. Bent? -Bent? Bent. -Bent. You make it sound I pawed through your priceless collection of underwear. -You make it sound I pawed through your priceless collection of underwear. How do I know you didn't? -How do I know you didn't? So saw my hands off, I left you a present. -So saw my hands off, I left you a present. Am I s'posed to be grateful? -Am I s'posed to be grateful? That would be appropriate, yes. -That would be appropriate, yes. How'm I s'posed to ever sleep there again knowing some pervo's probably touched everything I own? -How'm I s'posed to ever sleep there again knowing some pervo's probably touched everything I own? You're that nervous, you're welcome to stay here. -Whoa there, Tex! We've been through all this. It's alright, Peter, we're fine. -It's alright, Peter, we're fine. We are not fine. -Look, if I made you nervous or uncomfortable or creeped you out-- Yes on all counts. -Yes on all counts. I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention. But I had to see you. -I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention. But I had to see you. You'd think a guy who's taken on the job of saving the world would have a few more important things to do than traipse around after some girl. -You'd think a guy who's taken on the job of saving the world would have a few more important things to do than traipse around after some girl. I haven't been able to get you off my mind. -I haven't been able to get you off my mind. You need to get out more. -You need to get out more. C'mere, I want to show you something. -Gold leaf, art nouveau, French, early nineteen hundreds... I could probably fence this for three or four grand. No, I meant this. -Expensive gifts, surprise late-night visits, over-the-top flattery... You always come on this strong? Only when I meet someone I have to know everything about. -Suppose I could help you locate the other ones. The other ones? -The other ones? The other one like you... -The other one like you... You lost me. -You lost me. C'mon, Max. First I watch you dive headfirst out the window fifteen stories up like you're Rocky the flying squirrel. Then, I found this in your apartment. -L-Triptophane...a neurotransmitter sometimes used in homeopathy to control seizures. Then the lightbulb went off. You did go through my stuff. -I don't know what kind of game you're playing here but I'm out because you are a whack-job. He was working on something called Project Manticore, which was using recombinant DNA to produce a superior human...a warrior...an advanced infantry soldier. -He was working on something called Project Manticore, which was using recombinant DNA to produce a superior human...a warrior...an advanced infantry soldier. Not that I don't enjoy a good urban legend now and then but what does any of this have to do with me? -Not that I don't enjoy a good urban legend now and then but what does any of this have to do with me? The bar code on your neck, Max. I know who you are and I know who you're running from. -We got separated right away. I never knew how many made it. How well do you remember the lab? -How well do you remember the lab? I remember fine. I just didn't understand what was going on. They never told us anything except what to do. It took me a long time afterwards to figure things out. -I remember fine. I just didn't understand what was going on. They never told us anything except what to do. It took me a long time afterwards to figure things out. How much do you know? -How much do you know? I know they made me. Even got the label on my neck to prove it. -I know they made me. Even got the label on my neck to prove it. "The technical term for you is ""chimera""..." -"The technical term for you is ""chimera""..." Yeah...a made-up creature. Like in mythology...with the head of a lion, the body of a goat and the tail of... -Yeah...a made-up creature. Like in mythology...with the head of a lion, the body of a goat and the tail of... A girl. -A girl. Your basic hodge-podge. -Your basic hodge-podge. Hardly... -Christmas is a snap when you got no parents or relatives, just a bunch of gene sequences from probably twenty different people. Like extra virgin olive oil, the best of the best. -Like extra virgin olive oil, the best of the best. You said you could help. -You said you could help. I need to find this technician, or anyone else who knows about Project Manticore. They would've used surrogate mothers to carry you after the in-vitro work... If I can track down one of them. -I need to find this technician, or anyone else who knows about Project Manticore. They would've used surrogate mothers to carry you after the in-vitro work... If I can track down one of them. What's in it for you? -What's in it for you? Your help. -Your help. I already don't like the sound of this. -I already don't like the sound of this. The woman you met, Lauren. She supervised workers removing cortodiazapine from gel caps by hand and replacing it with powdered sugar. The real drug was shipped out of the country. The placebos were distributed to County VA Hospital and six veterans' clinics in the area. -The woman you met, Lauren. She supervised workers removing cortodiazapine from gel caps by hand and replacing it with powdered sugar. The real drug was shipped out of the country. The placebos were distributed to County VA Hospital and six veterans' clinics in the area. That's low, but this effects me how exactly? -That's low, but this effects me how exactly? She's prepared to testify that she was instructed to do this by one of Edgar Sonrisa's managers. You know who Sonrisa is? -She's prepared to testify that she was instructed to do this by one of Edgar Sonrisa's managers. You know who Sonrisa is? Yeah, I catch your hacks. He's Satan's lap dog, or something. -Yeah, I catch your hacks. He's Satan's lap dog, or something. So, you know the lengths he'll go to keep her from going public... I'm turning Lauren over to Canadian law enforcement tomorrow. They'll put her in witness protection, but if you're with her the risk of her safety goes way down. -So, you know the lengths he'll go to keep her from going public... I'm turning Lauren over to Canadian law enforcement tomorrow. They'll put her in witness protection, but if you're with her the risk of her safety goes way down. I didn't make it this far by attracting a lot of attention. -I didn't make it this far by attracting a lot of attention. She's put her life on the line, and her faith in me. -She's put her life on the line, and her faith in me. They want me...bad. Or at least they don't want me grabbed up by the Chinese or whoever. Best case, I wind up back in that facility. More likely, it's a long drive out in the country, if you know what I mean. -They've lost track of me and I plan to keep it that way. You're a soldier, Max. That's what you were put here for. But soldiers need a mission otherwise they tear themselves up. -You're a soldier, Max. That's what you were put here for. But soldiers need a mission otherwise they tear themselves up. That's deep. But before you lecture me about the meaning of life maybe you oughta get one...ta ta. -See you're back and still rocking the boat. Somebody's got to. -I would've come sooner, but...I didn't... How're you doin'? Not in any pain...the good and bad news of a blown out spinal cord. -Not in any pain...the good and bad news of a blown out spinal cord. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. My mother used to say the universe is right on schedule. Everything happens like it's supposed to. -My mother used to say the universe is right on schedule. Everything happens like it's supposed to. You believe that? -You believe that? I've never been much for trying to understand why bad things happen, I just know they do. So the job's to figure out how to deal with the consequences. Which you did... You took that sonuvabitch out. -I've never been much for trying to understand why bad things happen, I just know they do. So the job's to figure out how to deal with the consequences. Which you did... You took that sonuvabitch out. Well, not me personally. -Well, not me personally. On accounta you, Sonrisa didn't get to buy off the jury, or kill the judge. He's gone. Once and for all. It was war, Max, and you won. -On accounta you, Sonrisa didn't get to buy off the jury, or kill the judge. He's gone. Once and for all. It was war, Max, and you won. That's what soldiers do, right? -What's this? Open it. -It turned up on the black market. One of my sources thought I might be interested. I don't know what to say. -I don't know what to say. Deeds, not words. I need your help. -Forty-seven people drowned last night off the coast of Vancouver after paying smugglers twenty thousand apiece to get into Canada so they could get work in order to eat. Only they got marched overboard at gunpoint instead. Look, thank you for this but-- -These girls, kidnapped during the last month and sold overseas to the highest bidder. The oldest is twelve. The youngest about the same age you were when you escaped. And I feel real bad about all that but it doesn't mean I need to get involved. -And I feel real bad about all that but it doesn't mean I need to get involved. You are involved. By being alive you're involved. -You are involved. By being alive you're involved. We're quoting Mom again. -We're quoting Mom again. Maybe we got screwed outta living in a time when we could sit in a cafe, sipping our lattes wearing two thousand dollar wrist watches while we plan our next vacation. But the world got a whole lot meaner all of a sudden. Wasn't s'posed to, but it did. And it's back to the law of the jungle. You got your predators and you got your victims. -Maybe we got screwed outta living in a time when we could sit in a cafe, sipping our lattes wearing two thousand dollar wrist watches while we plan our next vacation. But the world got a whole lot meaner all of a sudden. Wasn't s'posed to, but it did. And it's back to the law of the jungle. You got your predators and you got your victims. And you still think you can do something to change that. -And you still think you can do something to change that. With your help. -With your help. Civilization as we know it is unraveling before our eyes. But Logan and Max, with a song in their hearts are gonna march into battle to keep that from happening. -Civilization as we know it is unraveling before our eyes. But Logan and Max, with a song in their hearts are gonna march into battle to keep that from happening. And whether you want to believe it or not, you already fired the first shot. On another matter, Federal Corrections used to keep records on distinguishing marks-- scars, tattoos. I did a search and came up with this. -That was taken nine years ago... I.D.'d as Michael Hanover. Sentenced to 18 months in the state penn at Rawlins, Wyoming for armed robbery. He escaped from custody after 4 days. Hasn't been seen or heard from since. Zack... He made it... He's alive... -I'm looking for a lady who works here. Ladies would be elsewhere. -Know where I can find her? You don't want to. -You don't want to. But she does work here? -But she does work here? She may be easy on the eyes but she's trouble, trust me. Hot run to two-oh-two Sansomme. -She may be easy on the eyes but she's trouble, trust me. Hot run to two-oh-two Sansomme. I need to talk to her. -I need to talk to her. Can't help you. -Max something. I got no clue where she stays. Any idea when she'll be back? -Any idea when she'll be back? None. -None. I'll wait. -Who is it? A friend of your fiance's. -A friend of your fiance's. What do you want? -What do you want? To set the record straight about where he was the other night when he said he was working late. -Who are you? My name's Lydia. And it seems you and I have a lot in common. -My name's Lydia. And it seems you and I have a lot in common. You said you knew where my fiance was the other night. -You said you knew where my fiance was the other night. With me, where he's been after work, three, sometimes four nights a week for the last two months... We have what you might call an intimate relationship. -With me, where he's been after work, three, sometimes four nights a week for the last two months... We have what you might call an intimate relationship. How do I know you're telling the truth? -How do I know you're telling the truth? He been sleeping in a T-shirt lately? That's so you won't see the fingernail marks on his back. Bet you didn't know your boyfriend finds a little pain exciting. He didn't either...at first. -He been sleeping in a T-shirt lately? That's so you won't see the fingernail marks on his back. Bet you didn't know your boyfriend finds a little pain exciting. He didn't either...at first. Look, I don't know what you want-- -Look, I don't know what you want-- I thought it was important for you to know the facts. -I thought it was important for you to know the facts. And so should you. Sketchy told me I could expect a visit from you. I know all about how you threatened him. That if he didn't break it off with me, you'd save him the trouble. -And so should you. Sketchy told me I could expect a visit from you. I know all about how you threatened him. That if he didn't break it off with me, you'd save him the trouble. Oh? -Oh? Well, it's over between you and him. We're getting married next month. -Well, it's over between you and him. We're getting married next month. How sweet. Standing by your man, even after what he did. You're a very understanding person. -How sweet. Standing by your man, even after what he did. You're a very understanding person. Big part of loving someone's being able to forgive them. -Big part of loving someone's being able to forgive them. You're also a fool. -You're also a fool. I think you should go now. -I think you should go now. Not before we get something straight you prissy little bitch. I decide when I'm done with your boyfriend. Not him, and certainly not you. Unless maybe you want to find out just how sharp these nails really are. -This is not a place you wanna go. Let go of my hand. -Help... Lemme go... No, don't let me go... Help... Now, here's how it's gonna be, Lydia. You're gonna take your threats and your acrylic nails, and you're gonna go home and figure out your marriage, instead of trying to make other people feel as miserable as you do, understand? -Now, here's how it's gonna be, Lydia. You're gonna take your threats and your acrylic nails, and you're gonna go home and figure out your marriage, instead of trying to make other people feel as miserable as you do, understand? Okay, okay. -"Say the words, ""I understand.""" I understand. -I understand. And if I ever catch you coming near my man again... -I asked you to keep that thing outside. You did. -You did. You drive away business roarin' in like that. -You drive away business roarin' in like that. Yeah, does kinda break the elegant atmosphere you got goin' on here. -Yeah, does kinda break the elegant atmosphere you got goin' on here. You got a punk-ass mouth on you, kid. -You got a punk-ass mouth on you, kid. My name's not kid. It's client. As in the person who pays for your opulent lifestyle. Now, you got something for me or not? -My name's not kid. It's client. As in the person who pays for your opulent lifestyle. Now, you got something for me or not? Right here someplace. -I got a hit on the car. An oh-five Tahoe, blue, with Wyoming tags... AGT349... It wasn't easy 'cause you were off in one of the numbers. Sorry, I was seven at the time. -Who's this guy? This isn't who we're looking for...her name was Hannah. He got the car in a trade for his old pick-up and some food...no bill of sale or nothing. It was right after the pulse so all the DMV records were wiped. So we don't get anything on the seller. Except I actually managed to find this guy, six hours on the phone... Say thank you. -He got the car in a trade for his old pick-up and some food...no bill of sale or nothing. It was right after the pulse so all the DMV records were wiped. So we don't get anything on the seller. Except I actually managed to find this guy, six hours on the phone... Say thank you. Thank you. -Thank you. He says he got it from a woman. Doesn't remember her name but she fits the description you gave like a glove. -Guy says he made the trade in Gillette, Wyoming sometime in the fall of oh-nine. Then what? -Then what? Then what? That's it. That's all I got. -Then what? That's it. That's all I got. Nothing on Hannah? -Nothing on Hannah? A nuclear airburst wipes out every record of every kind in every computer east of the Rockies, and you want me to find some woman you met when you were seven, whose last name you don't even know... Maybe if you could give me something more on her...anything you can remember, some detail... -She was a nurse. She must've lived near there, somewhere, near the... ...the clinic. There must be some registry of nurses or medical technicians or whatever for Wyoming. Only a last name would be nice. Or the nearest town to this...clinic. -What about the other kids? You get anything on them? They don't exactly have a search engine for finding a bunch of kids with bar- codes on their necks, which is something I'm not even going to ask about-- -They don't exactly have a search engine for finding a bunch of kids with bar- codes on their necks, which is something I'm not even going to ask about-- You were gonna run through the law enforcement databases for a match on identifying marks. -You were gonna run through the law enforcement databases for a match on identifying marks. Nothing so far from arrests, hospital admissions or coroners. This kind of search...it's heavy spadework. I'm gonna need-- -Nothing so far from arrests, hospital admissions or coroners. This kind of search...it's heavy spadework. I'm gonna need-- More money... Like I'm shocked to hear you say that. -As long as you're okay. I'll live... Regarding your case...I'm afraid I've come up with some bad news on your fiance. Lemme get the file. -I don't know what your story is and I don't want to. Here's your money. -Whoever tossed this place wants you. And I'm looking to stay outta the line of fire. How's this about me? -How's this about me? They lifted my wallet to make it look like a robbery. But there's a bug in my computer keyboard, a tap on the phone and a mike in the light fixture. -They lifted my wallet to make it look like a robbery. But there's a bug in my computer keyboard, a tap on the phone and a mike in the light fixture. Like you said, maybe somebody's tracking one of your investigations. -Like you said, maybe somebody's tracking one of your investigations. Hardware's too sophisticated. It's gotta be the government. And why do I think they're looking for you? -Hardware's too sophisticated. It's gotta be the government. And why do I think they're looking for you? You're crazy. -You're crazy. I'm you, I take that money and get outta town while you can. -Your fiance has four previous wives. His M.O. is to clean 'em out and take off. Which is what you oughta do. Bastard... -I'm sorry I couldn't come up with something more positive. You and me both. -I need a favor... I need you to trace a number for me. Sure you wanna be havin' this conversation over the phone? -Sure you wanna be havin' this conversation over the phone? Just do it... Five-seven-five-oh- eight... -Zero... C'mon, Dan I don't have all day. Got a pencil? -Got a pencil? Just give it to me. I'll remember. -Just give it to me. I'll remember. One-seven-four-nine-five Natoma. -One-seven-four-nine-five Natoma. I'm on my way. -Morning, Sunshine... Caught some son-of-a-bitch stealing my bike. Used a car jack to blow out my U lock and bent a bunch of spokes. So now I gotta get my wheels fixed. -Caught some son-of-a-bitch stealing my bike. Used a car jack to blow out my U lock and bent a bunch of spokes. So now I gotta get my wheels fixed. At least he didn't swing with your ride. -At least he didn't swing with your ride. No, but I broke a nail giving him a cranium crack and that just sort of wrecks your day, know what I'm saying? -Now, why can't I find a girlfriend like that? Brings him lunch everyday, thoughtful, sweet, legs from here to there-- Straight. -Straight. Shame, wastin' a girl like that on a guy, but what're you gonna do? -Craps all over everything and everyone and then wants mommy to forgive him. What guys do. 'Nother order. -What guys do. 'Nother order. You're way more philosophical than I could ever be. -You're way more philosophical than I could ever be. I just don't go in with any expectations. -That's odd... What? -Tell me the truth. Am I a female fog bank? You're not seriously buying into Darren's nonsense. -You're not seriously buying into Darren's nonsense. No. -No. He was just trying to blame you 'cause he's a slut. -He was just trying to blame you 'cause he's a slut. Yeah. -Yeah. Hell yeah. There's not the slightest grain of truth in anything that idiot was saying. You are a totally down-ass female and a straight-up friend who happens to be a little... -Hell yeah. There's not the slightest grain of truth in anything that idiot was saying. You are a totally down-ass female and a straight-up friend who happens to be a little... A little what? -A little what? You know what I'm saying. -You know what I'm saying. If I knew what you were saying, I wouldn't be asking. -If I knew what you were saying, I wouldn't be asking. How long you and me known each other? -How long you and me known each other? A long time. -A long time. Long enough for you to pretty much read me like a book, right? -Long enough for you to pretty much read me like a book, right? Because you're probably my closest friend in the whole world. -Because you're probably my closest friend in the whole world. And back at ya. Only there's a part of you that's... I don't know-- -And back at ya. Only there's a part of you that's... I don't know-- A fog bank. -A fog bank. More like a mystery... Which isn't bad. It's just kinduv...mysterious... -Gotta go. Where? -Where? It's a secret. -You're actually gonna bail Sketchy out. Yeah, 'cause maybe he's learned his lesson. -Yeah, 'cause maybe he's learned his lesson. Unlikely. -Unlikely. And because he's my friend. -And because he's my friend. Friends don't help other friends cheat. -Friends don't help other friends cheat. And because I actually kinda feel sorry for guys sometimes. -And because I actually kinda feel sorry for guys sometimes. Please... -Please... They're prisoners to their genes. -They're prisoners to their genes. So are dogs. -So are dogs. They don't have a lot of moving parts. -They don't have a lot of moving parts. Only one I can think of. -Only one I can think of. Besides, think of the drama I'm sparing Natalie. -Besides, think of the drama I'm sparing Natalie. I say hang the bastard out to dry, let her see him for the heel he is, then maybe she'll step to the all-girl team and let mama-licious ease her pain. -I say hang the bastard out to dry, let her see him for the heel he is, then maybe she'll step to the all-girl team and let mama-licious ease her pain. But, of course, there's nothing self- serving in that scenario. -Yeah, I can see to it your winning streak continues. I'll bet you can. Sit. -Not right now. Not right now? Okay, when? -Not right now? Okay, when? Right after you change your wardrobe, your personality and drop about thirty pounds. -Right after you change your wardrobe, your personality and drop about thirty pounds. Quite a mouth on a girl so young... ...but my guess is talking is not what it does best. -Quite a mouth on a girl so young... ...but my guess is talking is not what it does best. Only way you're ever gonna find out is reincarnation... Fact is, you are gonna pay me, and I am gonna provide you with a service. -Only way you're ever gonna find out is reincarnation... Fact is, you are gonna pay me, and I am gonna provide you with a service. I actually know how this works. -I actually know how this works. You're gonna pay me fifty thousand dollars... -Who are you? What, you gonna put me on your Christmas card list? -Look, you're a player... I'm bringing you this on a plate, and my fee is just the normal cost of doing business. Pull the cash. -So, how do you get the woman to come to me? I told her it's just business to you, that all you want is a reasonable solution to this. You give her daughter back, she agrees to leave the country. I play the guarantor, drive her down to Mexico tonight, and put her on a train to Brazil or wherever. -I told her it's just business to you, that all you want is a reasonable solution to this. You give her daughter back, she agrees to leave the country. I play the guarantor, drive her down to Mexico tonight, and put her on a train to Brazil or wherever. And she bought that? -And she bought that? I have sincere eyes. -Make the call. She's gonna need to know that her little girl's alright. -She's gonna need to know that her little girl's alright. She's got my word. -She's got my word. She's gonna want to hear for herself. -Can you put that in a bag or something? You get it when I get her. -You get it when I get her. Okay...idea. Compromise, right? Bruno here comes with me. He holds the money until mommy shows up, then we close escrow. What you do with her after I'm gone doesn't keep me awake nights. -It's payday, need me to pick up your check? You're the best, Maxie. -Playing hooky again? Feel like the dog's dinner. -Feel like the dog's dinner. Probably a touch of what's going around. -Probably a touch of what's going around. I know what I got, Max. They put me back on that drug they're giving the other vets. Only the guy does those cable hacks says the stuff's no good. -Don't believe everything you hear on TV. What if he's on the level? -What if he's on the level? Here's the dealio on Eyes Only. He's probably some wack rich dude sitting around in a trick-ass apartment, bored stupid. So he gets off on scarin' the poop outta folks like you-- I gotta go. -Here's the dealio on Eyes Only. He's probably some wack rich dude sitting around in a trick-ass apartment, bored stupid. So he gets off on scarin' the poop outta folks like you-- I gotta go. Tell everybody hey. -Tell everybody hey. You can tell 'em yourself tomorrow. -Catch you back at the wall. Later. -Quitting time. Grab a cold one? I gotta meet Natalie for dinner. -I gotta meet Natalie for dinner. Right, the big one-oh. -Right, the big one-oh. But I'll take a rain check... -Hey, Sketchy-- We gotta talk. -We gotta talk. What's up? -You blew off your girlfriend last night, even though it was the big one-oh. I'd be pissed off too if I was her. Not half as pissed as she's gonna be when she finds out why I blew her off... I need your help, Max. -I don't see how you cheating on Natalie involves me. I know what you're thinking. But the truth is, this other person is not someone I'm in love with. As a matter of fact, after what she just did, she's not even someone I like much. So in a technical sense, I'm not sure you could call me and her cheating...officially. -I know what you're thinking. But the truth is, this other person is not someone I'm in love with. As a matter of fact, after what she just did, she's not even someone I like much. So in a technical sense, I'm not sure you could call me and her cheating...officially. Do guys actually believe their lame, self- serving excuses? -Do guys actually believe their lame, self- serving excuses? Max-- -Max-- Or do you think we're just so grateful to have one of you idiots we'll look the other way, which is arrogant and condescending. -Or do you think we're just so grateful to have one of you idiots we'll look the other way, which is arrogant and condescending. Lame, self-serving, arrogant...guilty as charged. -Lame, self-serving, arrogant...guilty as charged. You left out condescending. -You left out condescending. But there's another side-- -But there's another side-- Here it comes. The part where the guy turns everything around. -Here it comes. The part where the guy turns everything around. I'm the victim here. -I'm the victim here. Really? -Really? Hear me out. This person I've been seeing is a Jam Pony client who happens to be married-- -Hear me out. This person I've been seeing is a Jam Pony client who happens to be married-- And you were a sympathetic ear. -And you were a sympathetic ear. Exactly. -Exactly. Then a sympathetic mouth, then a sympathetic-- -Then a sympathetic mouth, then a sympathetic-- She had me followed the other day and found out about Natalie. Now, this person's demanding I blow her off or she'll do it for me by telling Nat about us. -She had me followed the other day and found out about Natalie. Now, this person's demanding I blow her off or she'll do it for me by telling Nat about us. Does this person have a name? -Does this person have a name? Lydia. -Lydia. And Lydia telling Natalie the truth makes you a victim in what way? -And Lydia telling Natalie the truth makes you a victim in what way? I'm a toy to her. -I'm a toy to her. A toy? -A toy? She's as much as said so. But she doesn't want to share her toy with anyone else... It's just an ego thing with her. -She's as much as said so. But she doesn't want to share her toy with anyone else... It's just an ego thing with her. Fight fire with fire. Threaten to go to her husband. -Fight fire with fire. Threaten to go to her husband. Who either doesn't care, or could have me killed. Either way, Natalie's still gonna find out. -Who either doesn't care, or could have me killed. Either way, Natalie's still gonna find out. What happens if you level with her? -What happens if you level with her? Even if she doesn't dump me, which is unlikely, she'd never be able to trust me again. -Even if she doesn't dump me, which is unlikely, she'd never be able to trust me again. And why should she? -And why should she? Look Max, I made a terrible mistake. One I'll never, ever make again. Natalie and I are soulmates. I know that now. She's the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I guess it took the thought of losing her for me to understand that. -So you're straight on how this is gonna go down. You set up on Lydia. When she's on her way over to the apartment you give me the heads up. I answer the door and pretend to be Natalie. -You set up on Lydia. When she's on her way over to the apartment you give me the heads up. I answer the door and pretend to be Natalie. She tells you how I've been-- -She tells you how I've been-- --a philandering pig. ---a philandering pig. But you explain that you're a compassionate and understanding person who can find it in your heart to forgive me. -But you explain that you're a compassionate and understanding person who can find it in your heart to forgive me. Or, I dissolve into an angry, hysterical wreck who never wants to see your lying ass again, which is probably what would really happen. -Or, I dissolve into an angry, hysterical wreck who never wants to see your lying ass again, which is probably what would really happen. I just don't want Natalie to ever find out. She deserves better. -I just don't want Natalie to ever find out. She deserves better. How'd you get her out of town? -How'd you get her out of town? Convinced her she needed to visit her mom in San Mateo. -Convinced her she needed to visit her mom in San Mateo. And we're sure Lydia's gonna make her move? -And we're sure Lydia's gonna make her move? She came by the apartment once already. Fortunately, I'd disconnected the doorbell as a precaution... Lydia's not gonna back off until she gets her pound of flesh. -She came by the apartment once already. Fortunately, I'd disconnected the doorbell as a precaution... Lydia's not gonna back off until she gets her pound of flesh. I'll give it my best shot. -I'll give it my best shot. Max, what did I do to deserve a friend like you? -Max, what did I do to deserve a friend like you? You don't. -You rock, Max. You... Rock... Easy Sketchy. -Easy Sketchy. No, I'm serious. That psycho got exactly what she deserved... Yes. -No, I'm serious. That psycho got exactly what she deserved... Yes. Lydia may not have been one of humanity's finer specimens but-- -Lydia may not have been one of humanity's finer specimens but-- She's toxic...monster in bed, but toxic. -She's toxic...monster in bed, but toxic. You would be making a mistake to come away from this thinking she's the villain in the piece... You are. -You would be making a mistake to come away from this thinking she's the villain in the piece... You are. She was the one-- -She was the one-- None of this would've happened if you had exercised even a smidgen of good judgement or self-restraint, which you didn't. -None of this would've happened if you had exercised even a smidgen of good judgement or self-restraint, which you didn't. True, but-- -True, but-- You were trying to have it both ways and you were being completely selfish. And if I ever find out you're going out the back door on Natalie again, you're the one who's gonna be hanging by your ankles three stories up. Understand? -You were trying to have it both ways and you were being completely selfish. And if I ever find out you're going out the back door on Natalie again, you're the one who's gonna be hanging by your ankles three stories up. Understand? Okay, okay, okay-- -Okay, okay, okay-- "Say the words, ""I understand.""" -That was extreme! Did you see that one guy-- Shut-up... -This is a hot run. Beat it. You're late. I was on call. -I was on call. I want you on call here. -I want you on call here. What's the difference if I'm on call here or deployed in the field. -What's the difference if I'm on call here or deployed in the field. More like deployed in bed asleep. -More like deployed in bed asleep. I don't sleep... Theo asked me to pick up his check. -I don't sleep... Theo asked me to pick up his check. And Theo can't pick up his own check because?... -And Theo can't pick up his own check because?... He's sick. -He's sick. For a change. -For a change. How 'bout you don't break my sneakers on this. The guy is seriously not well. -You tell Theo he's not in tomorrow he can start looking for another job. I don't know how to break this to you, Normal, we're all looking for another job. -Fourteen-thirteen Market. Get a signature, then take it to this address... By the way, that guy who was in here sniffing after you yesterday called twice already. Tell him I took the day off 'cause I wasn't feeling so hot. -What about this? I'm taking the rest of the day off 'cause I'm not feeling so hot. -Hot run to 842 Beulah, corner of Haight... And you can tell your pal Theo he just got his worthless ass fired. Not that he cares but the wife and kid might. Theo's dead. -Thanks, miss. You're too kind. I'm Amanda. -You're too kind. I'm Amanda. Right, well, thanks for the drinks and stuff, Amanda, but there's no reason for me to stick around these parts anymore. -Right, well, thanks for the drinks and stuff, Amanda, but there's no reason for me to stick around these parts anymore. Don't be so glum, Hawk. The night's still young and filled with plenty of compensatory possibilities. -Don't be so glum, Hawk. The night's still young and filled with plenty of compensatory possibilities. Huh? -Huh? I'd be in a position to spend some money on you if you'd get in a position and spend some time on me. -What the hell is that? Gin. -Gin. Whoa. Some of this hard liquor's a tad too manly for me. I'm a brewski man myself. -Whoa. Some of this hard liquor's a tad too manly for me. I'm a brewski man myself. Better ease up then, Hawk. Wouldn't want to give you whiskey dick would we? -Better ease up then, Hawk. Wouldn't want to give you whiskey dick would we? Who's Whiskey Dick? -Well. Obviously no one you have to worry about... Woody. My name's not Woody, it's Haw-haw... -Well, Amanda, this has been quite a night. So far you've seen me and my dick throw up. What's next? Projectile diarrhea? Man. What a stud, huh? Believe it or not, you still have a way to go before you start competing with my soon-to-be-ex-husband... the champion of lousy lovemaking. The man who thinks he's the biggest and the best... The man who thinks every secretary, stewardess, and cocktail waitress he fucks should lick his feet for the honor. The man for whom faking it was invented. Christ, if I hadn't gotten pregnant with our son, I would have never known I even had sex with the prick. -You love him? I just told you, he's a big, hairy... -I just told you, he's a big, hairy... No, I mean... you love your son? -No, I mean... you love your son? More than anything in the world. -More than anything in the world. And he loves you back, doesn't he? -And he loves you back, doesn't he? He's a little spoiled, but I know he does. -He's a little spoiled, but I know he does. Well, shame on him if he doesn't. -Amanda, as ironic as this is gonna sound, I can't take any money for... I'm no Midnight Cowboy, y'know. It would only cheapen the whole deal for me. I'm not paying you for the lovemaking, Hawk. I just want you to have whatever you needed the money for when you took me up on my offer. -You're a little scrawny, but thanks to the concert we're low on amateurs. Name? Hawk. -Hawk. Pick a song, Hawk. -Pick a song, Hawk. Got any KISS? -Got any KISS? You kidding? This is Detroit. Drink? -You kidding? This is Detroit. Drink? Yeah, a man's drink... -What's that? You mean you never seen a Jack Daniels on the rocks before? -Sure, I have. But not one with ice in it, that's all. Save your money, stud muffin. The lady at the end of the bar sends her love. -Whoa... she is a killer. Amanda Finch. Her ex is one of the wealthiest businessmen in Detroit. Play your cards right and you could hit paydirt. She like 'em young. And since you look a little new at this, let me give you three words of advice. Hard to get. Think it, act it, know it, be it. Nothing a woman loves more than when you beat her at her own head games. -Oh, Dicky, I c-c-can't... You're not gonna chicken out on me now, are you? We've got your KISS song playing and everything. -You're not gonna chicken out on me now, are you? We've got your KISS song playing and everything. I-I c-can't... -I-I c-can't... Look, people undress in public because, A, they're exhibitionists, B, they're nutcases, or C, they need the money. I can tell you're not A, and I hope to hell you're not B. So my suggestion is, think about why you're a C and let your body party, shake your groove thing, boogie oogie oogie till you just can't boogie no more. -No problem. Thanks. -Sorry. It's okay. -Jeremiah? Yeah? -Beth? I can't believe it. Believe it. -I didn't mean for that to be so... intense. Forgive me. I don't care. I wanna hear more. -I've loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you, Jeremiah. I've just always been too scared to show it. Beth, I can't believe you just said that because that's exactly how I've always felt about you... Call me Jam. It's my band name. -Beth, I can't believe you just said that because that's exactly how I've always felt about you... Call me Jam. It's my band name. You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear that... Jam! -We've got to take this slow... Right, slow... -Right, slow... Oh, screw it! -So. Is it true that Gene Simmons had a cow's tongue grafted onto his real one? Y'know, to make it so long? I dunno. I think he had the piece of skin under his tongue removed so he could stick it out farther. I'm not too up on Gene trivia. -I dunno. I think he had the piece of skin under his tongue removed so he could stick it out farther. I'm not too up on Gene trivia. Your man is the drummer, Peter Criss, right? -Your man is the drummer, Peter Criss, right? Peter Criss is my inspiration, man. If I paid a hundred bucks for a KISS show and all I saw was his solo, I'd consider it... money... Hey, how'd you know that? -Peter Criss is my inspiration, man. If I paid a hundred bucks for a KISS show and all I saw was his solo, I'd consider it... money... Hey, how'd you know that? I have all your notebook doodles memorized, Jam... Here. -Ann Arbor? My dad's company is relocating him. We're moving. That's why I was acting so freaky in school today. I thought it was the last time I'd ever see you. Anyway, open the box. I would have given it to you this morning, except... like I said, I was freaking out. -Ann Arbor isn't... that far from Cleveland, right? Nah. Once I get my own wheels, I could come up all the time. -Nah. Once I get my own wheels, I could come up all the time. That'd be great. Hey, maybe someday your band'll play there. It's a college town, you know? -I feel like such an idiot. Why didn't I just say something a year and a half ago? Man, think of how much time we wasted. Let's not think about the past. Let's just think about from today on. I'll never forget you, Jam. -Let's not think about the past. Let's just think about from today on. I'll never forget you, Jam. Tell me about it. Church will never be the same again. -Coming dad. I'll call you. Soon as we get a phone. Bye. Bye. -Oh, great. I just hitched a ride with a bunch of potheads... I'm hooking up with some people at this funky place in downtown Detroit called Disco Inferno. Mind droppin' me there? What's it worth to you? -What's it worth to you? What the hell is that supposed to mean? -So, are you, like, gonna polish our nobs, or what? What? That's disgusting! -Tease? What the hell did I do to tease you mongoloids? You got in the car, didn't you? -You got in the car, didn't you? Oh, God, how calculating of me to lead you all on like that after you offered me a ride in the middle of nowhere. -Oh, God, how calculating of me to lead you all on like that after you offered me a ride in the middle of nowhere. Whatever... stella. -What are you, high? Yeah. -Yeah. For once Lex is right. It's over. Things can't get any worse from here. -Wonder if you could smoke shit out of this? Maybe some tunage'll chase those blues away. -This is the best thing that ever happened to me at school! Not only are we on again for KISS in Detroit, but we're actually sitting right at the fifty yard line! I dare you dudes to find a curlier scenario. Stan Lee couldn't think of a better one. -Namely? "Our band ""Mystery"" is a quartet and we can't go on the road without our drummer. Jam's mom said something about sending him to St. Bernard's, right? We gotta bust him out before we go anywhere." -Well, the least we, his only buds in the world, can do is take him along with us tonight and give him one last curl before he starts serving his sentence. Just for the record, I understood the last part of what you said, but for a while there you guys were making no fucking sense whatsoever. -Just for the record, I understood the last part of what you said, but for a while there you guys were making no fucking sense whatsoever. I was just explaining to Lex here what you and I already know. Just had to make it a little more complicated so he'd understand. -I'm starvin' and it's way past lunchtime. Totally. All I've had for chow was a packet of Pop Rocks and a Yoo-hoo. -Let's stop in Sandusky, Hawk. What's in Sandusky? -What's in Sandusky? Pizza, and I been jones-in' for a pizza ever since we left St. Bernard's. -You call that John Travolta/Denny Terio shit dancing? I wouldn't dance like that in private if you paid me. Disco blows dogs for quarters. -What was that D.J.'s name again? Oh, I'll remember it till the day I die. His name was... Simpleton the Simian? No, Samson Samoan... No, simply, similar... -I have one question. How could a kid who wails on the drums like it's the only thing keeping him alive even think of such a femmy thing to say? Really, Jam, you tryin' to make us barf? -So maybe we got enough for one ticket. Fuck! Waitaminit, dudes! I got it! We find four really small kids, beat the shit outta them and steal their tickets. What do you think? -Waitaminit, dudes! I got it! We find four really small kids, beat the shit outta them and steal their tickets. What do you think? Brilliance, Trip. Sheer brilliance. Give Albert Einstein here the Nobel Prize. -...at twenty-thirty hours. One more time in English. -One more time in English. For the next hour and a half it's every dude for himself. Try to get at least one ticket and at 8:30 P.M. we'll meet over there. -Any luck? Plenty, but it was all bad. -Will somebody please tell those chicks disco is dead. Stellas. I hate stellas almost as much as I hate dogs. -Shit, that dork is Jam. YO, DOOFUS! -Yeah, she gives you shit and you take it. Okay, enough. Enough. Gimme the tickets. I wanna hold onto them. -Second floor girls' john! Two minutes! He'll never look there! Check! -That's Sherry VanHafton. I've been in love with her since the second grade. -Whoa... she just farted. I have never heard a girl squeeze cheese in my entire life. -I have never heard a girl squeeze cheese in my entire life. Weird... -Too bad we're stuck in electronics or... Never mind with the too bad shit. I got a crazy plan, but only the craziest among us can pull it off. -But... but, St. Bernard's is way the hell over in the next county! So? Your mom's car has a CB, radar detector and cruise control, check? -So? Your mom's car has a CB, radar detector and cruise control, check? We are not stealing my mom's car. -We are not stealing my mom's car. Damn straight we are. -Damn straight we are. Hawk, all I need is one ding on the Volvo and presto! There are my balls hanging from the rearview mirror after she gets back from Cincinnati. -Hawk, all I need is one ding on the Volvo and presto! There are my balls hanging from the rearview mirror after she gets back from Cincinnati. And when is she due back from that groinecologist's convention anyway? -And when is she due back from that groinecologist's convention anyway? Sunday, but... -Sunday, but... Then lighten up. She'll never know we touched it. Alright, here's the plan. We bus it to chez Lex, grab the Volvo, bail Jam the hell outta St. Bernard's and arrive at the train station precisely on time for the 2:45 to Detroit. -There's only so much trouble an individual can get into till it just doesn't matter anymore, Lex. You familiar with a condition known as Absolute Zero? The hypothetical temperature characterized by the absence of heat and even the slightest amount of molecular activity? Yeah, I'm vaguely familiar -The hypothetical temperature characterized by the absence of heat and even the slightest amount of molecular activity? Yeah, I'm vaguely familiar Well, Jam is in absolute trouble. He couldn't get any deeper into shit if he was a fly sitting in a horse's ass. You know as well as me he'd give his right arm just to see Peter Criss's drum solo, never mind a whole KISS concert, check? -Very funny, Hawk. Okay, I'm in on this hare-brained scheme, but if anything happens to my mom's car, I'm blaming you. I'll say you drugged me or something. Curly. -Ok, dudes, follow my lead. Wait a minute. We ditching the rest of school? -Now, how are we gonna do this? Gimme a second, dudes. Lemme think. -We got you a change of duds when we picked up the car. Next stop: the 2:45 to Detroit Rock City! -Jeezis, Hawk, can you at least keep it within twenty miles of the speed limit? Lex, am I gonna have to lock you in the trunk till we reach Detroit? Don't worry, these babies are built for speed. -What the fuck! The paint! -Uh... dudes? Now there's a woman who totally abuses the privilege of motherhood. -Now there's a woman who totally abuses the privilege of motherhood. DUDES! -Here's a suggestion. Let's stop worrying about the concert for the time being and get the cops in on this Volvo situation. Wake up, Lex. This is Detroit. The cops aren't gonna waste city dollars looking for a Swedish car. Face it, the Volvo's on a cutting board as we speak getting sliced, diced, and julienned by Christine, the chop shop gourmet. -Now listen up. Here's the game plan. ...I mean, my mom's got insurance. What's the worst thing she could do? Ground me for the entire year? I can handle that... -...I mean, my mom's got insurance. What's the worst thing she could do? Ground me for the entire year? I can handle that... Cool, bro, now listen up... -Cool, bro, now listen up... ...Holy shit! I am in absolute trouble! I never should have let you drive, man! Absolute fuckin' trouble! -...Holy shit! I am in absolute trouble! I never should have let you drive, man! Absolute fuckin' trouble! Okay, shut the fuck up, Lex! Now, then, step number one, we find us a scalper. I got... twenty-five. -I think we should try sneaking in. Four dudes sneaking in? We'd get busted fer sure. Bad plan. -Four dudes sneaking in? We'd get busted fer sure. Bad plan. "Okay, one of us sneaks in, gets four ticket stubs off some kids in the audience, comes back out, and we all ""re-enter"" the concerto. Voila!" -"Okay, one of us sneaks in, gets four ticket stubs off some kids in the audience, comes back out, and we all ""re-enter"" the concerto. Voila!" Still too risky for my money. We're running out of time here. This is KISS! A victory for one is a victory for the team. I'm sure I can barter with a scalper, but if you dudes think you got better plans, go for it. We'll reconvene at that intersection... -I found the Volvo. Tickets? -No... You don't think...? Nah. Couldn't be. -Do you realize the sheer, goddamn, unadulterated, undiluted, no holds barred, one hundred percent pure as Ivory Snow, absolutely friggin' STUPIDITY of what you just did? Hey, disco dude, it's cool... -Could be. And if it ain't cleaned off? -Are you gettin' wise with me? No, I'm dumber than a goddamn slug. Now can I please clean your windshield and leave without further ado? -Well, let's recap, shall we? You slapped all of us, yelled at me, used my head for a rag, threw me on the ground and tossed our LOVE GUN 8- track under the wheels of a passing semi. So, if the lesson was that you're a dick with ears and a really bad haircut, then, yes... I'd say we learned it. Excuse me, I'm a little deef-a- hearin'. Can you repeat yourself? -Excuse me, I'm a little deef-a- hearin'. Can you repeat yourself? Okay. Ahem! You. Are. A. Dick. With. Ears. And. A. Really. Bad. Haircut. -Okay. Ahem! You. Are. A. Dick. With. Ears. And. A. Really. Bad. Haircut. Oh, yeah...? -How would you like a nice Hawaiian Punch? Sure. -Dude, this is all I got. Sorry, man, no can do. But I'll be here for a while if you scare up the extra gravy. -Sorry, man, no can do. But I'll be here for a while if you scare up the extra gravy. Where the hell am I gonna scare up that kinda gravy in one hour? -Where the hell am I gonna scare up that kinda gravy in one hour? The easy way. -You look a little scrawny, but it's worth a shot. I can't just walk in and take my clothes off. It's embarrasskin. -I can't just walk in and take my clothes off. It's embarrasskin. Guess you don't want to see the greatest show on earth. And in Detroit no less. Well, take care, chief. -Dude, if it were dancing the way Fred Astaire did it, I'd give it my best shot. I'd learn the steps and practice in my spare time. But this... tribal, ritualistic bullshit, it's way-too-spontaneous for me. Yeah, you're probably too young anyhow. -Yeah, you're probably too young anyhow. Hey, I invented fake I.D.s, alright. That's not the problem... They're playing disco music in there, man. -Hey, I invented fake I.D.s, alright. That's not the problem... They're playing disco music in there, man. Chief, here's a little secret. Drink heavily, your feet will know what to do. Now shit or get off the pot. Do you wanna dance or do you wanna see KISS only on their album covers? -Jam, listen up. Hawk? -Hawk? Just listen up, man, cause we are in a quandary. -Are you on the crapper with one of those antenna phones? Sounds like you're taking a dump the size of Butte, Montana. It's my Bullworker. -It's my Bullworker. Anyway, listen up. They're gone! -Anyway, listen up. They're gone! What's gone? -What's gone? The KISS tickets, you nimrod! They're just fuckin' gone! Please tell me you have'm! -The KISS tickets, you nimrod! They're just fuckin' gone! Please tell me you have'm! Gone!? Why would I have the KISS tick...? -Gone!? Why would I have the KISS tick...? Just check whatever you were wearing last night. Now! -Cool. I'm really sorry about that, man. -I'm really sorry about that, man. Don't be a fembot. So, are you like grounded because of last night, or what? -Don't be a fembot. So, are you like grounded because of last night, or what? Of course, but has that ever stopped me before? Besides, my mom's going to some church meeting and won't be back till late. No sweat... See you guys in school. -They're still at my house in Trip's jacket. They're what? -They're what? She was standing right over me when I was changing for fuck's sake. -Don't worry about it. They're perfectly safe. We can pick them up after school. My mom won't be home. It's no problem. All right. After school we double- time it to your house for the tix before heading to the train station for the 2:45 to Detroit Rock City. -All right. After school we double- time it to your house for the tix before heading to the train station for the 2:45 to Detroit Rock City. Check. -If he offers you a slice, you're not the least bit hungry, check? Check. -Don't you think we should at least pull over and offer to clean it off? What?! Are you mentally deranged, Jam? -Oh no, Jam. I'm not falling for that twice. Well, couldn't you slow down so I can at least state my case, Hawk? If you don't like it, you can speed up and I'll never mention it again. -It doesn't mean anything. Don't pay attention to him. Disco Inferno? Disco's infernal morelike. -Hey, Look at the front entrance! A car's pulling out. The parking space from heaven. God is surely smiling down upon us tonight, dudes. Kind of funny, I thought He'd be pissed as hell at me. -Oh, I'm sorry, Trip. What you made was a big, brainless, pile of horse shit. No offense. Guys, GUYS! Come on, if this is anyone's fault, it's mine. I was the one who grabbed Trip's jacket by mistake. It's my fault and I apologize. -Guys, GUYS! Come on, if this is anyone's fault, it's mine. I was the one who grabbed Trip's jacket by mistake. It's my fault and I apologize. Please, Jam, we're trying to vent some hostility here. Sure the whole thing may be your fault, but who's gonna get pissed off at you? -It was stolen! Christine stole it! Asleep, my ass! The stella booted with your mom's wheels. -I'm sorry, guys. I thought it was a nice thing to do. Jam, not another word out of your femmy-ass mouth! Okay, we're here, we got nothing, and we got an hour and a half. We're totally committed. It's time to brainstorm. -I got... Uh-uh. Don't tell us, Jam. Just show us. -Wait! I know how we can get in! Jam, shut-up! You're not allowed to speak, remember? Go use whatever femmy idea you have to get yourself a ticket or four. I don't wanna hear it. -Jam, shut-up! You're not allowed to speak, remember? Go use whatever femmy idea you have to get yourself a ticket or four. I don't wanna hear it. But... my plan involves all four of us acting together. -But... my plan involves all four of us acting together. See you at 8:30, Jam. Later. Dudes? Later. -Well... I still got my idea if anybody will let me speak. Go ahead, Jam. -Go ahead, Jam. We all beat each other up, then, once we're nice and bruised, we run over to the ticket takers and say we got mugged and our tickets were stolen. They gotta let us in then. -Oh, hi, mom. NOW! -Jeremiah, what are you doing? Uhh... nothing. -Ahh, sunshine. You're going to be late if you don't hurry up and change soon. -You're going to be late if you don't hurry up and change soon. Change? What's wrong with what I got on? -Change? What's wrong with what I got on? It's dirty laundry for one thing and for another, you still haven't worn the clothes I bought you. You're skating on thin ice already, young man, so I wouldn't push my luck. Now get out of those rags. -It's dirty laundry for one thing and for another, you still haven't worn the clothes I bought you. You're skating on thin ice already, young man, so I wouldn't push my luck. Now get out of those rags. But, mom! -But, mom! Besides, those jeans are so tight I can see your penis. -They're not idiots. Now don't forget you're on the honor system tonight. I'll be home a little after one and if you've been partying or playing that satanic KISS music... well, need I remind you of the consequences? -Now don't forget you're on the honor system tonight. I'll be home a little after one and if you've been partying or playing that satanic KISS music... well, need I remind you of the consequences? Grounded for the rest of the year? -Grounded for the rest of the year? You're a smart boy, Jeremiah. And so handsome. -I made an appointment with Father Phillip McNulty at St. Bernard's. We're to see him directly where he will register you on the spot. You mean, you're sending me to... b- b-boarding school? -You mean, you're sending me to... b- b-boarding school? What else can I do? Oh, records and magazines and comic books are one thing, but tickets? TICKETS? Jeremiah, do you realize what this means? That you're no longer content merely hearing their awful songs or looking at photos of their horrific faces! Now you want to see the devil in the flesh. You want to reach out and touch pure evil... and in Detroit no less! -Someday you'll have a son just like you, Jeremiah. A boy who lies through his teeth, buys demonic records, and smokes the dope just like you. If I'm anything like you, I'll deserve him. -If I'm anything like you, I'll deserve him. What?! -What?! I said, I'm sorry! -I said, I'm sorry! If you truly are sorry, son, then you better pray like you've never prayed before. God willed me to find those tickets because He wanted to hear from you. He knows you need help and He wants you to ask Him for it. -Mom, what're we...? Just keep your lying, heathenous trap shut, Jeremiah. -Jeremiah... what's gotten into you? I just lost my virginity in a confessional booth! Lord have mercy!! -Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession in... well... a really long time. Prepare to receive the Act of Penance. How many sins have you committed since your last confession? -Prepare to receive the Act of Penance. How many sins have you committed since your last confession? Just one, Father, but boy was it a doozy. -So, you see if it wasn't for me, me and my friends would be at that KISS concert right now... together. That's it? -That's it? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, this is a unique confession to say the least, son. And not exactly the most interesting one I've ever heard either. You sure you don't want to talk about... oh, carnal knowledge with a neighborhood girl or impure thoughts about the new student teacher maybe... or how about finding a box of magazines under your dad's bed? -Well, this is a unique confession to say the least, son. And not exactly the most interesting one I've ever heard either. You sure you don't want to talk about... oh, carnal knowledge with a neighborhood girl or impure thoughts about the new student teacher maybe... or how about finding a box of magazines under your dad's bed? No. -No. Well then, I suggest you have a seat on the bench behind you and think of something a little juicier to confess than losing KISS tickets. I realize this is Detroit, but I personally find, what that rock and roll band is all about, to be boring as Lucifer's kingdom. I'll return in a little while. -Okay, you better have something really sinful for me this time, son. My patience is worn to threads and your mom will be here any minute. Alright, Father, here it is. About two weeks ago I went to my cousin's wedding and one of the bridesmaids asked me if I wanted to take a bath. -Alright, Father, here it is. About two weeks ago I went to my cousin's wedding and one of the bridesmaids asked me if I wanted to take a bath. No... -I was insulted, so I asked her if I was wreaking some wicked b.o., right? Then she said no, she wanted to take a bath with me. Oh, this is terrible... Please go on. -Oh, this is terrible... Please go on. Well, she was a very tempting siren, Father. Built like you wouldn't believe. So I gave into temptation about a block away from the wedding reception at this little motel that charges by the hour. -Well? Continue! Continue! Okay... when she peeled off that gown, you'll never guess what she was wearing underneath. -Okay... when she peeled off that gown, you'll never guess what she was wearing underneath. Was it a teddy? -No. Much bet... I mean, much more sinful than that. A bustier? -A bustier? Tell you what. You keep guessing and I'll say something when you get it. -Tell you what. You keep guessing and I'll say something when you get it. Splendid! I love a good game of Name That Nightie. -Jam has yet to do an overnight with us. I had a nightmare once that something like this might happen. I hope he doesn't get grounded again. If he misses Peter Criss's drum solo, I don't know if he'll be able to handle it. -Poor, Jam, man. Imagine having to stash your KISS records inside Carly Simon album covers. No question, Mrs. Bruce is a psycho-bitch from hell. You're one to talk, Lex. Your mom's a fuckin' dyke. -Trip, a female gynecologist does not a lesbian make. And even if it did, at least my mom didn't give birth to me while she was on LSD. Shrooms! And even if it was LSD, I can still give my mom a kiss without smelling the catch of the day. -Trip, you fuckin' asshole. What? -Yeah, right. She wishes. Look at that big ass. You know what they say about a big ass... big shit. -That's some sick shit right there. Did she comb your ass hair for you too? If your mom so much as smells those tickets, they're history, and we get screwed outta seeing KISS for the third year in a row, the third year! -I knew it! I knew this was gonna happen! I had a bad feeling since last night. Remember? We are so totally fucked! Waitaminit, dudes! I got it! Maybe we can glue the tickets back together! -Hey, take it easy, man. This is the girls' crapper, remember? Wake up, Lex! We just watched Jam's mom torch our fuckin' KISS tickets! Not REO Speedwagon! Not Journey! Not the Bay City Rollers! KISS! If you can think of a better reason to trash a bathroom, I'd sure like to hear it! -Wake up, Lex! We just watched Jam's mom torch our fuckin' KISS tickets! Not REO Speedwagon! Not Journey! Not the Bay City Rollers! KISS! If you can think of a better reason to trash a bathroom, I'd sure like to hear it! Trip, it's not the end of the world, okay? Quit acting all squeezed out. -Oh, everything's hunky-dory now that the shit hit the fan just like you said it would, you snug sonofabitch! You fuckin' jinxed us! Smug, Trip! Not snug, smug. -I did it! I did it! We won! We won?! -"The Chinese have a proverb: ""That which appears too good to be true, usually is."" There's gotta be a catch." "Yeah? I have a saying too, Lex. It goes, ""Catch my jizz in your mouth and stop jinxing us, asshole."" We're going this time and that's all there is to it." -Simplicity, Hawk. Simple-icity is more like it. And you guys thought Jam was in trouble before. Wait till Mrs. Bruce finds out he went to that concert with us. -About fuckin' time if you ask me. I'm just going through the motions till I drop out anyway. Hello summer detention. -Well, here we are back at fucking school again. Huh. St. Bernard's. Figures it's named after a canine. -Eyowch! This is one hot pizza! Trip, huck that out before it stains the upholstery! -Man, that weed knocked Christine on her ass. She's sleeping like a baby stella. Let's lift up her shirt. -Really, Trip, can we bore holes in your head and use it as a bong so it actually does us some good for a change? Fuck you, Lex! This whole thing wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you jinxing us. I just made an honest mistake. -It's gone. I can see that, bright boy. What happened to it? -But we took the keys? Damn, she musta hot wired it. We picked up a professional car thief in the shape of Olivia Newton-John! -Damn, she musta hot wired it. We picked up a professional car thief in the shape of Olivia Newton-John! Okay, I'm just a little mad now! Jam, why'd you talk us into picking that bitch up in the first place!? -Twenty-five more'n I got. All I got is five. The rest is in the Volvo. -Please sir, don't beat me up. I do have a KISS ticket, but not on me. A likely story. Hand it over, kid. -A likely story. Hand it over, kid. No really. My brother's hanging onto it for safe keeping. Please, let me get him for you. -Hey, kid, that's okay. I don't wanna see KISS that ba... Don't try to run, maggot. Chongo's an all-state track star in every event. -Don't try to run, maggot. Chongo's an all-state track star in every event. What do you want? -What do you want? A tag on your toe. Nobody threatens me and lives. -A tag on your toe. Nobody threatens me and lives. Look, you can have my wallet... -Look, you can have my wallet... It's not nearly enough, punk. -Please, sir, don't kick my ass! I'll do anything to get out of a beating! Say, Chongo, perhaps we could use some extra cash for tasty snacks at the KISS concert our weasly friend won't be attending. -Two hundred bucks? You heard me, nad breath. My time's precious and I think that's a reasonable price to pay for your sorry life. -You heard me, nad breath. My time's precious and I think that's a reasonable price to pay for your sorry life. Look, I want to live, but I don't know where the fuck I'm gonna find two hundred bucks. -Oh, yeah! You and what army? The KISS Army! -Gimme your gun, boy! No, you gimme your gun, boy! -No, you gimme your gun, boy! Don't tempt me, I'll shoot! -Don't tempt me, I'll shoot! Not if I shoot first! -Not if I shoot first! I don't even think you have a gun! -I don't even think you have a gun! Neither do I! -Simple Simon on the Rock, go caller. Hello? Is this me? I'm Trip. Am I on the air? -Hello? Is this me? I'm Trip. Am I on the air? I should hang up on you right now, but you're the right caller so answer quick or get your battleship sunk. What are the names of the four members of KISS? -I should hang up on you right now, but you're the right caller so answer quick or get your battleship sunk. What are the names of the four members of KISS? Gene Klein, Stanley Eisen, Paul Frehley, and Peter...Criscula! Yeah, that's it! -Is that your final answer? Yeah. -Yeah. Trip? You just got yourself four tickets and four backstage passes to KISS live at Cobo Hall tonight! -I did? Yeah, you did! -Yeah, you did! Yeeeehaaawww!! This is totally fuckin' curly, man! Thank you God! -Yeeeehaaawww!! This is totally fuckin' curly, man! Thank you God! "Whoa, easy, Trip, this is radio, not ""Taxi Driver."" Now listen up cause this next part is crucial. Stay on the line so we can get your full name, information, and..." -Good morning, mongrels! Good morning... -Good morning... "That's all the gusta you can musta? I said, ""Good morning!""" -"That's all the gusta you can musta? I said, ""Good morning!""" Good MORNING! -Good MORNING! Now that's better... but I still sense some students out there... who are AFRAID... just to say GOOD MORNING! -Now that's better... but I still sense some students out there... who are AFRAID... just to say GOOD MORNING! GOOD MORNING! -GOOD MORNING! Are you AFRAID? -Are you AFRAID? GOOD MORNING! -GOOD MORNING! Now that's what I like to hear! Because too many young men and women today are paralysed by their fears. They give in to their feelings of self-doubt... they surrender their bodies to the temptations of drugs, alcohol and premarital sex. Empty solutions. These are toxic chemicals... and disease-spreading behaviour. -Hi... what's going on here? Horrible accident. My neighbour... he got killed. -Horrible accident. My neighbour... he got killed. What happened? -What happened? He got smooshed. By a jet engine. -What was his name? Donnie. Donnie Darko. -I feel bad for his family. Yeah. -Yeah. Did you know him? -Dr. Monnitoff? Donnie. -Donnie. I know that this is gonna sound kinda weird... but do you know anything about time travel? -So... according to Hawking... wormholes might be able to provide a short cut for jumping between two distant regions of space-time. So... in order to travel back in time, you'd have to have a big spaceship or something that can travel faster than the speed of light -- -So... in order to travel back in time, you'd have to have a big spaceship or something that can travel faster than the speed of light -- Theoretically. -Theoretically. -- and be able to find one of these wormholes. --- and be able to find one of these wormholes. A wormhole with an Einstein-Rosen bridge, which is, theoretically... a wormhole in space controlled by man. -A wormhole with an Einstein-Rosen bridge, which is, theoretically... a wormhole in space controlled by man. So... that's it? -So... that's it? The basic principles of time travel are there. So you have the vessel and the portal. And the vessel can be anything. Most likely a spacecraft. -Like a DeLorean. A metal craft of any kind. -What effect do you think this would have on an infant? Well... the thing is, nobody remembers their infancy. And anyone who says they do is lying. We think that this would help develop memory earlier in life. -Well... the thing is, nobody remembers their infancy. And anyone who says they do is lying. We think that this would help develop memory earlier in life. Did you stop and think that maybe infants need darkness? That darkness is part of their natural development. -Each vessel travels along a vector path through space-time... along its centre of gravity. Like a spear. -Like a spear. Beg pardon? -Beg pardon? Like a spear that comes out of your stomach? -Like a spear that comes out of your stomach? Uhh... sure. And in order for the vessel to travel through time it must find the portal, in this case the wormhole, or some unforeseen portal that lies undiscovered. -Uhh... sure. And in order for the vessel to travel through time it must find the portal, in this case the wormhole, or some unforeseen portal that lies undiscovered. Could these wormholes appear in nature? -Could these wormholes appear in nature? That... is highly unlikely. You're talking about an act of God. -That... is highly unlikely. You're talking about an act of God. If God controls time... then all time is pre-decided. Then every living thing travels along a set path. -If God controls time... then all time is pre-decided. Then every living thing travels along a set path. I'm not following you. -I'm not following you. If you could see your path or channel growing out of your stomach, you could see into the future. And that's a form of time travel, right? -If you could see your path or channel growing out of your stomach, you could see into the future. And that's a form of time travel, right? You are contradicting yourself, Donnie. If we could see our destines manifest themselves visually... then we would be given the choice to betray our chosen destinies. The very fact that this choice exists... would mean that all pre-formed destiny would end. -You are contradicting yourself, Donnie. If we could see our destines manifest themselves visually... then we would be given the choice to betray our chosen destinies. The very fact that this choice exists... would mean that all pre-formed destiny would end. Not if you chose to stay within God's channel... -Not if you chose to stay within God's channel... Donnie, I'm afraid I can't continue this conversation. I could lose my job. -When can I squeeze one out? Not until like... eighth grade. -Why do I have to sleep with Donnie? He stinks. When you fall asleep tonight, I'm gonna fart in your face. -When you fall asleep tonight, I'm gonna fart in your face. I'm telling Mom. -What happens if you tell Mom and Dad about this, Samantha? You'll put Ariel in the garbage disposal. -"""The Last Unicorn!"" By Samantha Darko." Donnie! Give it back! -Did you tell them that I flooded the school? I didn't say shit. -I didn't say shit. That's not what I heard. Now they think I did it. -That's not what I heard. Now they think I did it. Well, if you're innocent, then you have nothing to worry about. -Well, if you're innocent, then you have nothing to worry about. You know what? I think that you did it. -Dea ex machina... What did you say? -What did you say? Our saviour... -How can you do that? I can do anything I want... and so can you... -Why did you make me flood the school? We just want to guide you in the right direction. -We just want to guide you in the right direction. Who is... we? -Who is... we? You'll know soon enough. -You'll know soon enough. Where did you come from? -Where did you come from? Do you believe in time travel, Donnie? -I want to show you something. You have to do something for me first. -You have to do something for me first. You have a request? -You have a request? Yeah. Tell me why you're wearing that stupid bunny suit. -Yeah. Tell me why you're wearing that stupid bunny suit. Why are you wearing that stupid man suit? -Why are you wearing that stupid man suit? Take it off. I want to see you. -What happened to your eye? I am so sorry. -I am so sorry. Why do they call you Frank? -Why do they call you Frank? It is the name of my father... and his father before me. -It is the name of my father... and his father before me. How much longer is this gonna last? -How much longer is this gonna last? You should already know that. Watch the movie, Donnie. I have something to show you. -DARKO CHEATS DEATH! Man... you're famous! I called you, like, a jillion times last night! We went to a hotel. -We went to a hotel. My dad said he found you on the golf course. Are you sleepwalking again? -My dad said he found you on the golf course. Are you sleepwalking again? I don't wanna talk about it. -How old is Grandma Death? A hundred and one, I think. Every day she does the same thing. But there's never any mail. -What'd you do, Donnie? What'd you do! Go home. Go home and tell your parents that everything is going to be just fine. -Hey... Hey... -Hey... School's cancelled. -Wanna walk me home? Sure. -Don't look so freaked. I'm not. But you should check your backpack 'cause those guys like to steal shit. -I'm not. But you should check your backpack 'cause those guys like to steal shit. Fuck them. -So... you just moved here? Yeah. My parents got divorced. My mom has a restraining order against my stepdad. He has... emotional problems. -Yeah. My parents got divorced. My mom has a restraining order against my stepdad. He has... emotional problems. Oh, I... have those too. What kind of problems does your dad have? -Oh, I... have those too. What kind of problems does your dad have? He stabbed my mom four times in the chest. -Wow. Did he go to jail? He fled. They still can't find him. My mom and I had to change our names and stuff. I thought Gretchen sounded kind of cool. -He fled. They still can't find him. My mom and I had to change our names and stuff. I thought Gretchen sounded kind of cool. I'm sorry. I was in jail once. I accidentally burned down this house. It was abandoned. I got held back in school again. Can't drive until I'm eighteen. I think when I grow up I want to be a painter. Or maybe a writer or maybe both. Then I'll write a book and draw the illustrations like a comic book. You know, change things. -I'm sorry. I was in jail once. I accidentally burned down this house. It was abandoned. I got held back in school again. Can't drive until I'm eighteen. I think when I grow up I want to be a painter. Or maybe a writer or maybe both. Then I'll write a book and draw the illustrations like a comic book. You know, change things. Donnie Darko is a cool name. Sounds like a superhero. -Donnie Darko is a cool name. Sounds like a superhero. What makes you think I'm not? -I should go. For physics. Monnitoff says I have to write an essay on the greatest invention ever to benefit mankind. That's easy. Antiseptics. -I mean, the whole sanitation thing. Joseph Lister... 1895. Before antiseptics there was no sanitation, especially in medicine. You mean soap? -You mean soap? Don't knock soap. Without it, disease would spread rapidly. If we ran out... you and I would never live to see the year 2000. -Don't knock soap. Without it, disease would spread rapidly. If we ran out... you and I would never live to see the year 2000. Wonder where we'll be then. -Wonder where we'll be then. The best thing about soap is that it's the only thing on earth that can never get dirty. No matter what crap you throw on it... it always rubs off. And there it is again... perfect. -The best thing about soap is that it's the only thing on earth that can never get dirty. No matter what crap you throw on it... it always rubs off. And there it is again... perfect. Until it withers away. -It's a good thing the school was flooded today. Why is that? -Why is that? We never would have had this conversation. -You're weird. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. That was a compliment. -That was a compliment. Will you go with me? -Will you go with me? Where are we going? -Where are we going? No... I mean, will you GO with me? That's like... what they call it here. Going together. -No... I mean, will you GO with me? That's like... what they call it here. Going together. Sure. -Where are you going? I'm going home. -So when you sleepwalk, can you remember afterward? Like, do you dream? No. I just wake up and I look around, try to figure out where I am... how I got there. -No. I just wake up and I look around, try to figure out where I am... how I got there. My dad said never wake a sleepwalker... because they could drop dead. -It's like this big force... that's in your brain. But sometimes it grows bigger... and it spread down into your arms and legs... and it just sends you someplace. So when you sleepwalk, you go somewhere familiar? -So when you sleepwalk, you go somewhere familiar? No. Every time I wake up somewhere different. Sometimes my bike is laying there next to me. Like once when I woke up on the edge of this cliff up on Carpathian Ridge. -No. Every time I wake up somewhere different. Sometimes my bike is laying there next to me. Like once when I woke up on the edge of this cliff up on Carpathian Ridge. And you'd never been there before? -Donnie? Yeah? -Yeah? Do you ever feel as though there's always someone watching you? -Do you ever feel as though there's always someone watching you? Why? -Why? Well... maybe someone is, like... giving you these dream steroids. And sleepwalking ...is someone showing you the way. -What happened to your neck? I don't want to talk about it. So what happened to your neck? -Babies cry because they're afraid of the dark. And because they have no memories... for all they know... every night could be the last forever. Like, perpetual darkness. Why not just buy your baby a night light? -Why not just buy your baby a night light? That's not good enough. You've got to go back in time and take all those hours of darkness and pain and replace them... with whatever you wanted. -That's not good enough. You've got to go back in time and take all those hours of darkness and pain and replace them... with whatever you wanted. With, like, images? -With, like, images? Like... a Hawaiian sunset... the Grand Canyon. Things that remind you how beautiful the world can be. -You know... we've been going together for a week and a half... And what? -And what? Well... -Well... You want to kiss me... -That's alright... I understand. No... Donnie, wait. I've never... -No... Donnie, wait. I've never... I always wanted it to be at a time when... when it reminds you how beautiful the world can be. -I always wanted it to be at a time when... when it reminds you how beautiful the world can be. Yeah. And right now there's some fat guy over there watching us. -We're moving through time. What? -They suspended me for two days. Are you okay? -Are you okay? I've been seeing stuff... a lot of really messed-up stuff. Do you know who Grandma Death is? -I've been seeing stuff... a lot of really messed-up stuff. Do you know who Grandma Death is? Who? -Who? The old crazy woman who lives off Old Gun Road. -"Oh, yeah. ""The Philosophy of Time Travel"". What is this?" She wrote it. There are chapters in this book that describe the stuff I've been seeing. It can't just be a coincidence. Will you come see her with me? -I know she's here. She never leaves the house. Maybe she's asleep. -So, we call them... IMGs. Infant Memory Generators. -Infant Memory Generators. Yeah. So the idea is that... you buy these glasses for your infant, and they wear them at night when they sleep. -Yeah. So the idea is that... you buy these glasses for your infant, and they wear them at night when they sleep. And inside these glasses are these slide photographs. And each photograph is of something peaceful... or beautiful. Whatever pictures the parent wants to put inside. -What? How long was I asleep? The whole movie. Let's go. -You want to skip fourth period and go to the Ridge? What's wrong with you? -What's wrong with you? What do you mean? -Will you please talk to me? Not now, Donnie. It isn't a good time. -Not now, Donnie. It isn't a good time. Then when? I have to talk to you. -Hey. Hey. You OK? -Hey. You OK? My mom is gone. -My mom is gone. Where is she? -Where is she? I don't know. She didn't leave a note. The house is all messed up. -I don't know. She didn't leave a note. The house is all messed up. But you're OK? -Did you call the cops? Yeah, they told me to get out of the house. -I'm so scared... I just keep thinking that something awful has happened. It's my fucking stepdad. I know it. It's safe here. -What? There's something you have to know, Gretchen. Everything is going to be just fine. -Come with me. Where are we going? -Time is running out. We have to go see Grandma Death. We have to talk to her. Why? Is this about the book? -Why? Is this about the book? No. Frank. -No. Frank. Who's Frank? -Is that a cellar door? Yeah... -I'm sorry, Ms. Farmer, I just don't get this. Just place an X in the appropriate place on the Lifeline. -Just place an X in the appropriate place on the Lifeline. I just don't get this. Everything can't be lumped into two categories. That's too simple. -I just don't get this. Everything can't be lumped into two categories. That's too simple. The Lifeline is divided that way. -The Lifeline is divided that way. Well, life isn't that simple. So what if Ling Ling kept the cash and returned the wallet? That has nothing to do with either fear or love. -Well, life isn't that simple. So what if Ling Ling kept the cash and returned the wallet? That has nothing to do with either fear or love. Fear and love are the deepest of human emotions. -Fear and love are the deepest of human emotions. Well, yeah... OK, but you're not listening to me. There are other things that need to be taken into account here. Like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You're just lumping everything into these two categories... and, like, denying everything else. -People aren't that simple. If you don't complete the assignment, you'll get a zero for the day. -Will you still be working at Yarn Barn? 'Cause that's a great place to raise children. No, a year of partying is enough. She'll be going to Harvard this fall. -You're such a fuck-ass. When did you stop taking your medication? -Oh, please tell me, Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck? We will not have this kind of language at the dinner table. -I wish I knew where you went at night. Did you toilet paper the Johnson's house? I stopped rolling houses in the sixth grade, Mom. Get out of my room. -I stopped rolling houses in the sixth grade, Mom. Get out of my room. You know... it would be nice to look at you some time... and see my son. I don't recognise this person today. -You know... it would be nice to look at you some time... and see my son. I don't recognise this person today. Then why don't you start taking the goddamn pills? -Grandma Death. That is a terrible nickname. -He can't, Samantha. He's been suspended from after-school activities. Donnie... are you still with us? How was your therapy session tonight? Fine. You know, Dr. Thurman isn't so bad a lady. I can tell her anything. -I have to take the girls to Los Angeles tomorrow. Do you get to meet Ed? -Do you get to meet Ed? If I'm lucky. So... I won't be back until the first. Your dad will be back on Sunday, so I've put Elizabeth in charge until then. She has the car... so she can drive you to your therapy tomorrow. -If I'm lucky. So... I won't be back until the first. Your dad will be back on Sunday, so I've put Elizabeth in charge until then. She has the car... so she can drive you to your therapy tomorrow. How does it feel to have a wacko for a son? -How does it feel to have a wacko for a son? It feels wonderful. -So how was school today? It was great. We had peanut-butter sandwiches and apples and honey at snacktime. And then during show-and- tell, my stuffed walrus was a big hit. -It was great. We had peanut-butter sandwiches and apples and honey at snacktime. And then during show-and- tell, my stuffed walrus was a big hit. Good Lord. So the construction guys say it'll take about a week to fix the roof. Damn airline better not fuck us on the shingle match. -Good Lord. So the construction guys say it'll take about a week to fix the roof. Damn airline better not fuck us on the shingle match. Do they know yet? -Do they know yet? Know what? -Know what? Where it came from? -Where it came from? No... apparently they can't tell us what happened yet. Something about a matching serial number that got burned. But I had to sign a form saying I wouldn't talk to anyone about it. -No... apparently they can't tell us what happened yet. Something about a matching serial number that got burned. But I had to sign a form saying I wouldn't talk to anyone about it. So we're not supposed to tell anybody what nobody knows? -So we're not supposed to tell anybody what nobody knows? You tell Dr. Thurman whatever you want. -Oh, shit! Grandma Death. -Grandma Death. You know, Roberta Sparrow. We almost hit her with the car the other day. -You're right. Roberta Sparrow was famous for her gem collections. Kids used to try and steal stuff from her all the time. Over the years... as she got older, she became more and more of a recluse... now she just likes to stay up there all by herself. I guess she just lost faith in the world. -Who's been giving you weird looks? A lot of people. Teachers. Younger kids. It's like they're afraid of me for some reason. But that's OK... because I know I deserve it. -You're my only son... I know, Dad. -I know, Dad. I know I'm not the best... communicator. But whatever happens in your life... whatever obstacles you come up against... you just say... and do whatever is in your heart. You be honest... and tell the truth... even if they look at you funny... and they will. They'll tell you that you're wrong. They'll call you a fool. But what you've got to understand, son, is that almost all of those people are full of bullshit... and they're scared of people like you. Because you're smarter than all of them. -Donnie Darko, perhaps, given your recent brush with mass destruction, you can give us your opinion? Well... they say it right when they are ripping the place to shreds. When they flood the house. That like... destruction is a form of creation. So the fact that they burn the money is... ironic. They just want to see what happens when they tear the world apart. They want to change things. -Who is Frank? A six-foot-tall bunny rabbit. -And when the other rabbits hear of Fiver's vision, do they believe him? It could be the death of an entire way of life, the end of an era. Why should we care? -Why should we care? Because the rabbits are us, Donnie. -Because the rabbits are us, Donnie. Why should I mourn for a rabbit like it was a human? -Why should I mourn for a rabbit like it was a human? Is the death of one species less tragic than another? -Is the death of one species less tragic than another? Of course. A rabbit is not like us. It has no history books... it has no knowledge of sorrow or regret. I like bunnies and all. They're cute... and they're horny. And if you're cute and horny... then you're probably happy that you don't know who you are... or why you're even alive. But the only thing I've known rabbits to do is have sex as many times as possible before they die. -Ms. Pomeroy... what's going on? Donnie... it's Friday. Shouldn't you be off with your friends, scaring old people? -Donnie... it's Friday. Shouldn't you be off with your friends, scaring old people? Where are you going? -Where are you going? I don't know. That's a good question... but suffice to say that I am no longer your English teacher. They fired me. -I don't know. That's a good question... but suffice to say that I am no longer your English teacher. They fired me. That's bullshit. You're a good teacher. -That's bullshit. You're a good teacher. Thank you, Donnie. And you're a good student. Lazy... but a good student. Unlike most of the others, you question Mom and Dad's rules. -Thank you, Donnie. And you're a good student. Lazy... but a good student. Unlike most of the others, you question Mom and Dad's rules. What do I tell the rest of the class when they ask about you? -What do I tell the rest of the class when they ask about you? Tell them that everything is going to be just fine. It is up to the children to save themselves these days. Because the parents... they don't have a clue. -"What's ""Cellar Door""?" "A famous linguist once said... that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history... that ""Cellar Door"" is the most beautiful." -Cellar door. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us going. -So... will Donnie find his Cellar Door? I think I already have. But now she won't even talk to me. -I think I already have. But now she won't even talk to me. Then go find her, Donnie. Don't let her get away. She was right about the rabbits. Go. -Your mother said that you've been skipping cycles of your medication. I've been taking it. I just like to make her feel guilty for all of this. You know, abuse her. Psychologically. -I've been taking it. I just like to make her feel guilty for all of this. You know, abuse her. Psychologically. All of this... certainly isn't your mother's fault, Donald. -So, I met a new friend. Would you like to talk about this friend? -Would you like to talk about this friend? His name is Frank. -His name is Frank. Frank. -Frank. I think he saved my life. -I think he saved my life. How so? -How so? Don't you watch the news? -Don't you watch the news? I don't own a television. -I don't own a television. A jet engine fell on my house... landed on my bed. While I was talking to Frank on the golf course. -Frank... instructed you... to get out of bed... just before this happened. He said to follow him. -He said to follow him. Follow him where? -Follow him where? Into the future. Then he said that the world was coming to an end. -Do you believe that the world is coming to an end? No. That's stupid. -And when I clap my hands twice, you will wake up. Do you understand? Yes. -Yes. So, tell me about your day, Donald. -So, tell me about your day, Donald. I met a girl. -I met a girl. What is her name? -What is her name? Gretchen. We're going together now. -Gretchen. We're going together now. Do you think a lot about girls? -Do you think a lot about girls? Yes. -Yes. How are things going at school? -How are things going at school? I think about girls a lot. -I think about girls a lot. I asked you about school. -I asked you about school. I think about... fucking a lot during school. -I think about... fucking a lot during school. What else do you think about during school? -What else do you think about during school? "I think... about... ""Who's the Boss?""" -"I think... about... ""Who's the Boss?""" Who is the boss? -Who is the boss? I just turn the volume down and think about fucking Alyssa Milano. -I just turn the volume down and think about fucking Alyssa Milano. What about your family, Donnie? -What about your family, Donnie? No, I don't think about fucking my family. That's sick! -No, I don't think about fucking my family. That's sick! Donnie... I want to hear about your friend Frank. -How many times have you seen Frank? Four times... so far. -Four times... so far. Can anyone else see him? -Can anyone else see him? I don't think so. It's like a TV station. And they're tuned into mine and no one else's. -I don't think so. It's like a TV station. And they're tuned into mine and no one else's. Who is they? Is Frank part of some larger group? -Who is they? Is Frank part of some larger group? I don't know. Gretchen has a theory. That Frank is a sign. I told her I thought it was ridiculous. -I don't know. Gretchen has a theory. That Frank is a sign. I told her I thought it was ridiculous. A sign from whom? -A sign from whom? I think that Frank wants me to go to this woman. She wrote a book about time travel. Frank asked me if I believed in time travel. That can't just be a random coincidence. My dad almost hit her with the car the other day, and she said the creepiest thing. She said that every living creature on this earth dies alone. -I think that Frank wants me to go to this woman. She wrote a book about time travel. Frank asked me if I believed in time travel. That can't just be a random coincidence. My dad almost hit her with the car the other day, and she said the creepiest thing. She said that every living creature on this earth dies alone. How does that make you feel? -How does that make you feel? It reminded me of my dog Callie. -It reminded me of my dog Callie. Is Callie still around? -Is Callie still around? No. She died when I was eight. We couldn't find her for days. She went and crawled underneath our back porch... -No. She died when I was eight. We couldn't find her for days. She went and crawled underneath our back porch... Do you feel alone right now? -I'd like to believe that I'm not... but I've just never seen any proof. So I just choose not to bother with it. It's, like, I could spend my whole life thinking about it... debating it in my head. Weighing the pros and cons. And in the end, I still wouldn't have any proof. So... I don't even debate it any more. Because it's absurd. I don't want to be alone. So, does that make me, like, an atheist? No. That makes you keep searching. -And they grow out of our stomachs? It was just like she described them in her book. Like they were alive. The way that they looked... moved... smelled. They were like workers... assigned to each one of us. I followed my spear... and I found something... -It was just like she described them in her book. Like they were alive. The way that they looked... moved... smelled. They were like workers... assigned to each one of us. I followed my spear... and I found something... What did you find? -Nothing. Have you told Gretchen about the spears? -Have you told Gretchen about the spears? Yeah, but if I told her about the other stuff about Frank... -Yeah, but if I told her about the other stuff about Frank... Are you embarrassed by these things that you see? -Are you embarrassed by these things that you see? You know... every week I come in here and I tell you stuff... and it's all embarrassing. I tell you stuff that I don't tell anyone else... and you know what? It's your turn, Dr. Thurman. I'm not saying anything else until you tell me something embarrassing about yourself. -Whoa. That's OK, Dr. Thurman, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. I have sexual fantasies all the time too. I know. -I know. I mean... Gretchen... She won't even let me kiss her. She says because it's our first kiss... she's, like, waiting for this big... moment or something. I just don't get it. I just want to get it over with so we can move on to the good stuff. -I mean... Gretchen... She won't even let me kiss her. She says because it's our first kiss... she's, like, waiting for this big... moment or something. I just don't get it. I just want to get it over with so we can move on to the good stuff. The good stuff. -The good stuff. Yeah... you know... Fucking. -Yeah... you know... Fucking. Have you ever made love, Donald? -And when I clap my hands together twice, you will wake up. Do you understand? Yes. -Yes. So, your parents... why did you disappoint them? -So, your parents... why did you disappoint them? I... I was playing with fire. -I... I was playing with fire. Is it Frank who wants you to destroy the world, to set the world on fire? -People get hurt. But it was an accident. The house was under construction. -But it was an accident. The house was under construction. People get hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone. -People get hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone. But you were punished. -But you were punished. Yes. I went to jail. -Yes. I went to jail. Do you wish that you were punished by your parents instead? -Do you wish that you were punished by your parents instead? They... didn't buy me what I wanted for Christmas that year. -They... didn't buy me what I wanted for Christmas that year. What did you want for Christmas that year? -What did you want for Christmas that year? Hungry Hungry Hippos. -Hungry Hungry Hippos. How did you feel... being denied those Hungry Hungry Hippos? -How did you feel... being denied those Hungry Hungry Hippos? Regret. -Regret. What else makes you feel regret? -What else makes you feel regret? That I did it again. -That I did it again. You've done it again? -You've done it again? Yes. I flooded my school... and I burned down that pervert's house. I think I only have a few days left... before they catch me. -Yes. I flooded my school... and I burned down that pervert's house. I think I only have a few days left... before they catch me. Why did you do these things, Donnie? Did Frank tell you to commit these crimes? -I have to obey him... because he saved my life. He controls me and I have to obey him or I'll be left all alone... and I'll never figure out what all of this means... If God exists? -If God exists? I think now that he might... -I think now that he might... Why? -Why? Because I'm so horny. -Because I'm so horny. God exists because you're horny. -God exists because you're horny. I think so. I think that's one of the clues. It's a clue that tells us... to keep going. -I think so. I think that's one of the clues. It's a clue that tells us... to keep going. Where are we going? -Where are we going, Donald? I have the power to build a time machine. -I have the power to build a time machine. How is that possible? -How is that possible? Grandma Death will teach me how. Soon. -Grandma Death will teach me how. Soon. Then how is time travel possible? -Then how is time travel possible? It would have to be God's portal. They will lead me to it. Then I will go back in time... and I won't feel regret anymore. -It would have to be God's portal. They will lead me to it. Then I will go back in time... and I won't feel regret anymore. When will this happen? -When will this happen? Soon. Time is almost up. -What is going to happen? Frank is going to kill. -Frank is going to kill. Who is he going to kill? -I can see him right now! Where is he, Donald? -Where is he, Donald? He's right there... He can read my mind and he'll show me the way out of this. The sky is going to open up... and then He will reveal himself to me. -He's right there... He can read my mind and he'll show me the way out of this. The sky is going to open up... and then He will reveal himself to me. If the sky were to suddenly open up... there would be no law... there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made and the people you've touched. The life that has been carved out from your subconscious is the only evidence by which you will be judged... by which you must judge yourself. Because when this world ends, there will only be you and him... and no one else. -If the sky were to suddenly open up... there would be no law... there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made and the people you've touched. The life that has been carved out from your subconscious is the only evidence by which you will be judged... by which you must judge yourself. Because when this world ends, there will only be you and him... and no one else. It's too late. I've already ruined my life. -It's too late. I've already ruined my life. You will survive this... Donald. I promise you that you will survive. You must let me help you. And when I clap my hands together, you will wake up. -Your medication. They're placebos. Just pills made out of water. Thank you. -Thank you. Donald, an atheist is someone who denies altogether the existence of a God. You are an agnostic. An agnostic is someone who believes that there can be no proof of the existence of God... but does not deny the possibility that God exists. -Donald, an atheist is someone who denies altogether the existence of a God. You are an agnostic. An agnostic is someone who believes that there can be no proof of the existence of God... but does not deny the possibility that God exists. Goodbye, Dr. Thurman. -Goodbye, Dr. Thurman. Goodbye, Donald. -Whoa, Elizabeth. A little hostile, there. Maybe you should be the one in therapy. Then Mom and Dad can pay someone two hundred dollars an hour to listen to all of your thoughts... so we won't have to. Maybe you'd like to tell Mom and Dad why you stopped taking your medication. -"It's called ""The Philosophy of Time Travel""." What does time travel have to do with philosophy? -What does time travel have to do with philosophy? Guess who wrote it? -So I hear you have a girlfriend. Yeah. -Yeah. What's her name? -What's her name? You're not gonna tell Mom, are you? -You're not gonna tell Mom, are you? Why would I tell Mom? -Why would I tell Mom? Because you tell Mom everything. -Because you tell Mom everything. No I don't. She worries about you. -No I don't. She worries about you. Well, don't worry... I'm taking my medication. -Well, don't worry... I'm taking my medication. It's not that. I mean mouthing off to your teachers. I'll admit... when Dad told me what you said to Ms. Farmer, I laughed my ass off. -It's not that. I mean mouthing off to your teachers. I'll admit... when Dad told me what you said to Ms. Farmer, I laughed my ass off. I was just being honest. -I was just being honest. Yeah... well, that's not the way the world works. If you keep being too honest, the world will eventually find a way to destroy you. -Yeah... well, that's not the way the world works. If you keep being too honest, the world will eventually find a way to destroy you. Her name is Gretchen. -Her name is Gretchen. That's a nice name. OK, let me see it. -I got in. I'm going to Harvard. Congratulations. -Mom and Dad won't be back until Sunday night. It's Halloween Carnival. We should throw a party. We could totally get away with it. Okay, but it has to be a small one. -Okay, but it has to be a small one. Everything is going to be just fine. -How much are they paying you to be here? Excuse me? What's your name, son? -Excuse me? What's your name, son? Gerald. -Gerald. Well, Gerald, I think you're afraid. -Well, Gerald, I think you're afraid. Well, Jim, I think you're full of shit! -I think you are afraid to ask me for advice. I think that you are a very troubled... confused young man. I think you're searching for answers in all the wrong places. Well, I think you're the fucking Anti-Christ. -Thank you for seeing us... We... just felt that it was time to discuss... What I think is going on with your son. -What I think is going on with your son. Well, you know about his past. And when you said to look for signs of aggression... He was recently suspended from school for insulting his gym teacher. -Has your son ever told you about Frank? Come again? -Come again? Frank... the giant bunny rabbit? -Frank... the giant bunny rabbit? Frank? -Frank? Donnie is experiencing what is commonly called a daylight hallucination. -Donnie is experiencing what is commonly called a daylight hallucination. You're telling me my son has an imaginary friend? -You're telling me my son has an imaginary friend? He has described lengthy conversations... physical encounters with what I believe to be a manifestation of his subconscious mind. -I... What can we do? I would like to put him through more hypnotherapy... and increase his medication. -If that's what you think is necessary. But let me remind you that this treatment is... experimental. -Our son just called me a bitch. You're not a bitch. -So let me get this straight. No airline will claim ownership of the engine. So we have to wait for the FAA to decide who fixes my roof. Fuck that. We're taking the money out of savings. You are entering a new dimension of sight and sound... -What? Frankie Feedler. You remember him from high school? -Frankie Feedler. You remember him from high school? He was a year ahead of us? -He was a year ahead of us? He died, remember? On the way to the prom. He was doomed. -I haven't been accepted yet, mother. If you think Michael Dukakis will provide for this country prior to the point when you decide to squeeze one out, then I think you're misinformed. -Excuse me? Donnie? You're a dick. -Did you just call me a fuck-ass? That's enough. -That's enough. You can suck a fuck. -No. I took a year off to be with you. Of course I care. Don't get angry. What? How did you know -- -How did you know -- I didn't realise it was such a big deal. -I didn't realise it was such a big deal. It is a big deal. -It is a big deal. I caught him flushing pills down the toilet. He knows you check the container. -Here are the keys to the Taurus. There's plenty of groceries in the fridge. And I left money on the kitchen table. And don't forget... Don't worry, Mom. Just go, you'll miss your flight. -I got twelve classrooms full of water. All coming from a busted water main. What else? -What else? What else? Shit, Principal Cole, you ain't gonna believe what else. -Christ. Is that an axe? Yep. -Yep. How did this happen? -How did this happen? I guess they made him do it. -Excuse me... but what is the real issue here? The PTA doesn't ban books from school. The PTA is here to acknowledge that there is pornography in our school's curriculum. -Do you even know who Graham Greene is? "I think we've all seen ""Bonanza""." -Kitty, I don't know what to say. They've suspended him for two days. Ever since this jet fiasco, I honestly don't know what has gotten into him. Rose, I'll tell you this because our daughters have been on dance team together for two years and I respect you as a WOMAN. But after witnessing your son's behaviour today, I have... significant doubts... Our paths through life must be righteous. I urge you to go home and look in the mirror and pray that your son does not succumb to the path of fear. -Rose. Kitty... -Kitty... Rose, we have a crisis. I am sure that you are aware of the horrible allegations against Jim Cunningham. -Rose, we have a crisis. I am sure that you are aware of the horrible allegations against Jim Cunningham. Yes, I saw the news. Something about a kiddie-porn dungeon. -Yes, I saw the news. Something about a kiddie-porn dungeon. Please! Don't say those words. Well... as you can see... many of us are devastated by this news. This is obviously some kind of conspiracy meant to destroy an innocent man. And I have taken it upon myself to spearhead the Jim Cunningham defence campaign. But unfortunately my civic duties have created a conflict of interest... which involves you. -Please! Don't say those words. Well... as you can see... many of us are devastated by this news. This is obviously some kind of conspiracy meant to destroy an innocent man. And I have taken it upon myself to spearhead the Jim Cunningham defence campaign. But unfortunately my civic duties have created a conflict of interest... which involves you. Beg pardon? -Beg pardon? Rose... I have to appear at his arraignment tomorrow morning. And as you know, the girls also leave for Los Angeles tomorrow morning. Now, as their coach... I was the obvious choice to chaperone them on the trip. -Rose... I have to appear at his arraignment tomorrow morning. And as you know, the girls also leave for Los Angeles tomorrow morning. Now, as their coach... I was the obvious choice to chaperone them on the trip. But now you can't go. -But now you can't go. Yes. And believe me, of all the other mothers I would never dream of asking you, given the predicament with your son. But none of the other mothers are able to go. -Yes. And believe me, of all the other mothers I would never dream of asking you, given the predicament with your son. But none of the other mothers are able to go. Oh, Kitty, I don't know. This is so last-minute... Eddie is in New York... -Oh, Kitty, I don't know. This is so last-minute... Eddie is in New York... Rose... I don't know if you realise how great an opportunity this is for our daughters. This has been a dream of ours for a long time. Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion. -Kitty, I would appreciate... if you could wait... Mr. Cole... not only am I a TEACHER... but I am also a PARENT of a Middlesex child. Therefore, I am the ONLY person here who transcends the parent-teacher bridge. -Mr. Cole... not only am I a TEACHER... but I am also a PARENT of a Middlesex child. Therefore, I am the ONLY person here who transcends the parent-teacher bridge. Kitty... -Kitty... The bottom line... Mr. Cole... is that there is material being taught to our children that is cause for this destructive behaviour. -And how do they do this? They FLOOD the house... by breaking through the water main! This meeting of the PTA was called to inform the parents of our ongoing investigation... -This meeting of the PTA was called to inform the parents of our ongoing investigation... I AM THE PTA! And I say that this FILTH is directly related to this vandalism. -Chut up! Go back to China, bitch! -Maybe Martha Moo finally went nuts and hijacked the bus. You know, there's, like, this rule. We get to go home at 7:55. -You know, there's, like, this rule. We get to go home at 7:55. There's no rule! -There's no rule! Fuck yeah there is! If the bus doesn't show up in thirty minutes, you're supposed to go straight home. -All right! 7:55. Everybody goes home. Let's go to Donnie's house. His parents are both at work. -What is this shit? Raspberry. -Wicked. No more fuckin' for her. -No more fuckin' for her. Smurfette doesn't fuck. -Smurfette doesn't fuck. Bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other smurfs. That's why Papa Smurf made her, 'cause the other smurfs were getting too horny. -Bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other smurfs. That's why Papa Smurf made her, 'cause the other smurfs were getting too horny. Not Vanity. He's a homo. -We got eggs, water balloons, and a dozen rolls of toilet paper. I stole four beers from my dad. -Is Mom okay? She's alive, sweetie. -She's alive, sweetie. Where is she?! -Where is she?! She's right over there. -Mommmm! I'll be right behind you in the hearse! Don't let that worry you, Annette! -You're what?! I -- I'm quittin' the pageant. -I -- I'm quittin' the pageant. I heard you, I was just tryin' to scare you into changin' your mind. Oh for Chrissakes, Amber, the woman clung to your tap shoes while flyin' through the air like a Goddamn lawn dart! -I heard you, I was just tryin' to scare you into changin' your mind. Oh for Chrissakes, Amber, the woman clung to your tap shoes while flyin' through the air like a Goddamn lawn dart! Oh God, I'm dead... -So, what do I say? "Simple. Just say, ""Mom, I know you sacrificed everything -- relationships, dreams -- your tummy, ass and thighs -- all to bring me into this world. All so I could have tap lessons and be in the pageant -- the same one you were in. But, y'know what? I'm quittin'."" There. Easy as pie." -"Simple. Just say, ""Mom, I know you sacrificed everything -- relationships, dreams -- your tummy, ass and thighs -- all to bring me into this world. All so I could have tap lessons and be in the pageant -- the same one you were in. But, y'know what? I'm quittin'."" There. Easy as pie." Oh my God. I'm so dead... -Oh my God. I'm so dead... Yeah, you betcha... -Hell-no, she ain't quittin'. No. Mom said if I did, she'd look up my dad and marry him. -"""Once a carnie, always a carnie.""" Oh-yah. -That was your mom. She wanted you to have this. Really, Loretta? -Really, Loretta? You-betcha. -You-betcha. My mom wanted me to have this? -My mom wanted me to have this? Oh, shut up. I thought it might help you get some sleep. -Oh, shut up. I thought it might help you get some sleep. Loretta, never have kids. -Loretta, never have kids. Well God-love-ya for thinkin' I still could. -Oh, Mom's okay. They're just givin' her a ride back. She almost blew outta the back of Loretta's pick-up on the way over. Thank God for bunge cords. -Thank God for bunge cords. ...Yah -- well, at least, y'know, I got to perform. And Mom got to see me. I guess number eight only worked for Diane Sawyer... -What is wrong with you? I don't know. I just didn't wanna win like this. -I don't know. I just didn't wanna win like this. You stop right there. You are a good person. Good things happen to good people. -You stop right there. You are a good person. Good things happen to good people. Really? -Really? No. It's pure bullshit, sweetie. You're lucky as hell, so you might as well enjoy it. Let's get you a root beer float. -No. It's pure bullshit, sweetie. You're lucky as hell, so you might as well enjoy it. Let's get you a root beer float. Okay. -Okay. Do you guys want some shots? I'm buyin'. -I never liked her, but she didn't deserve to die in the belly of a swan like that. The whole thing's just kinda sad and lame at the same time. This came for you, sweetie. -This came for you, sweetie. Ah! It's from State! Oh my God! -"It's all the stuff I get to do. Oh my God, oh my God... Okay, okay... We get a ""personal consultation"" with a make-up artist -- Eeeh! Okay, um, there'll be a choreographer to the stars and, oh no -- No way. Oh... My... God!" What? For chrissakes, spit it out. -What? For chrissakes, spit it out. I'll be stayin' overnight at... The Airport Howard Johnsons! -I'll be stayin' overnight at... The Airport Howard Johnsons! Right by the airport -- Oh, Amber... -Right by the airport -- Oh, Amber... There's an indoor swimming pool! Ahhhh! -"All right, say ""Airport Ho-Jo.""" Airport Ho-Jo! -Airport Ho-Jo! I got it! Yeah, why don't ya take a... -Loretta, don't do that. I'm sorry. They're just starin'. -I'm sorry. They're just starin'. I gotta work with these women. -I gotta work with these women. Okay, sweetie, that's all right. Let's go. Let's go. -I just, I just can't believe it. I'm Minnesota's American Teen Princess! Our baby's going to Nationals! Lincoln, Alabama -- look out! -Our baby's going to Nationals! Lincoln, Alabama -- look out! I'm gonna be on TV! Just like Diane Sawyer. -Oh, Amber... I -- I -- I -- I -- I --, j-uh-j-uh- just wanted to compe-e-e-e-ete. -I -- I -- I -- I -- I --, j-uh-j-uh- just wanted to compe-e-e-e-ete. I can't believe this is happenin'. I can't believe she said you couldn't... -Amber? Here. """Here,"" wh-wh-what?" -"""Here,"" wh-wh-what?" My jacket. Take it 'cause, y'know, I got my costume okay'd before the pageant. You can wear it. -"Shut up, yous guys. Look, Amber, I'm not gonna win. And let's be honest, a family only needs one ""Liza"" and you know Peter's got much better legs than me." Your parents'd kill you. -Your parents'd kill you. Oh c'mon, I love 'em, but you know they only had me 'cause Peter needed a kidney. -Oh c'mon, I love 'em, but you know they only had me 'cause Peter needed a kidney. Lis, I want to, I really do, but... Oh, I can't. -Lis, I want to, I really do, but... Oh, I can't. "Then do it for Peter. Mrs. Leeman used to call him a ""skinny little fag"" when he'd bag her groceries. He'd pop his Nancy-belt if his old jacket somehow, I don't know, got her back." -"Then do it for Peter. Mrs. Leeman used to call him a ""skinny little fag"" when he'd bag her groceries. He'd pop his Nancy-belt if his old jacket somehow, I don't know, got her back." Yah? -Yah? Oh-you-beccha. -I'm lucky I have an after-school job where I can practice my talent. Oh, yeah, sure. You know, every pageant is special, but this one is extra-special to me. When I was seventeen, I don't know if you know this, but I was crowned Mount Rose's American Teen Princess. And this year... drum roll please, my lovely daughter, Rebecca Ann Leeman is competin'. -Mrs. Leeman? Huh? -Huh? I -- I'm wearin' this costume. I'm, uh, I'm gonna do my talent tonight. -I -- I'm wearin' this costume. I'm, uh, I'm gonna do my talent tonight. Oh really -- I don't think so. Uh, Amber, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but rules state that a costume must be okay'd at least a week in advance. And this... This is why we have the rule. My goodness gracious, I couldn't allow a neckline this low on stage. We have kids in the audience. -Oh really -- I don't think so. Uh, Amber, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but rules state that a costume must be okay'd at least a week in advance. And this... This is why we have the rule. My goodness gracious, I couldn't allow a neckline this low on stage. We have kids in the audience. But, you -- I mean... It's not my fault. I -- I... Please? I didn't do anything wrong... -Sorry. I just thought she might not wanna meet her Maker lookin' like a cheap whore. "Well, your ""cheap whore"" is this family's ""lovin' mother."" The Clemens said to make him look like he just came from snowmobilin'. Pink cheeks, and..." -"Well, your ""cheap whore"" is this family's ""lovin' mother."" The Clemens said to make him look like he just came from snowmobilin'. Pink cheeks, and..." -- red nose and ears. I know, I know. -Amber... No, don't say it. Another stray bullet to the head. -I'm gonna need more caps. You hafta go home. There's some kinda emergency at the trailer park. -You hafta go home. There's some kinda emergency at the trailer park. "Relax, that's my ma's code for, ""Bring home milk and a carton-a Luckys.""" -"Relax, that's my ma's code for, ""Bring home milk and a carton-a Luckys.""" No. Loretta called. There's been a... a fire. -...Yah -- 1963. Her beauty worked against her when she started as a reporter in Louisville, her hometown. Those were different times. Hey, Amber, y'get my smokes? -Hey, Amber, y'get my smokes? That's my mom. I'll get 'em in a sec. -Oh shit! They're from L.A. They wanted to see my room and film me for their movie. -They're from L.A. They wanted to see my room and film me for their movie. Oh... How quickly they grow up. Hey, if they ask you to take off your shirt, get the money first. -Oh, Mom, it's so ugly. Ruined a brand-new pair of Lee Press- ons. Well, I sat down for a beer and KA- BLEWEY! Next thing I know, somethin' blows through my kitchen window. Next thing I know, I'm ass up in Loretta's flower bed. -Go on! Get out! Mom, look, don't say anything. First of all, I'm not pregnant. -Mom! I ain't lettin' go ktil you tell me what's up. I'm reaching' a point where I'd kill someone for the nicotine on their fingernails. -I ain't lettin' go ktil you tell me what's up. I'm reaching' a point where I'd kill someone for the nicotine on their fingernails. Okay. Yesterday I... I got this picture. So I kinda, y'know, I'm thinkin' no. I'm gonna, I -- I -- I'm gonna quit the pageant. -Okay. Yesterday I... I got this picture. So I kinda, y'know, I'm thinkin' no. I'm gonna, I -- I -- I'm gonna quit the pageant. What?! -Ow! Would yous boys excuse us a second? Loretta, you too. -Nice mouth you got there, Mom, but I -- I'm not goin' through this again. You're not goin' through this again? You? You're not the one who knows how Jiffy Pop feels. -You're not goin' through this again? You? You're not the one who knows how Jiffy Pop feels. Oh, c'mon... First the picture of Tammy, then Brett Clemens, now this? It's scary. -Oh, c'mon... First the picture of Tammy, then Brett Clemens, now this? It's scary. "Let me tell you ""scary,"" Amber. Look at me. Do you wanna look like you been rode hard and put away wet at my age? I'm a ""lifer"" here. Best I can hope for is to end up in a descent ""raisin ranch"" where they'll change me twice a day." -"Let me tell you ""scary,"" Amber. Look at me. Do you wanna look like you been rode hard and put away wet at my age? I'm a ""lifer"" here. Best I can hope for is to end up in a descent ""raisin ranch"" where they'll change me twice a day." That's it, I'm goin'... -That's it, I'm goin'... Honest to God, if I got to do it over? I'd start walkin' outta this town the minute I took my first step. Practically the only thing I wouldn't do different is have you... -God I hope that's you and not your concussion talkin'. It's me... I just don't want this to be the thing you'd do over. This pageant's your ticket outta here. I know you can win, Amber. -It's me... I just don't want this to be the thing you'd do over. This pageant's your ticket outta here. I know you can win, Amber. C'mere. I love you so much. -C'mere. I love you so much. I love you much. -Bye mom. We was robbed. -We was robbed. It's okay. -"Okay, okay! Listen-up. Coupla notes from last night's dress rehearsal. Number one, Gladys says a coupla yous are gettin' sexy with your hips durin' the ""Physical Fitness"" routine..." Oh my God! My -- my tap costume's gone. -"Uh, Amber? We're not puttin' on our Talent costumes. You need to put on your ""Physical Fitness"" outfit. And let's shake a leg, ladies." No, wait. It -- it was here before the openin' number... wait. What am I sayin'? I should just ask you, Becky. Where is it? -I hate her! We all do. Now let's go. -Mrs. Clark, why are you doing this to me? Why're you pretendin' you don't know what's goin' on? Amber, I'm sorry. I really am. But you know the rules. All talent costumes hafta be okay'd by Gladys before the pageant. -Amber, I'm sorry. I really am. But you know the rules. All talent costumes hafta be okay'd by Gladys before the pageant. But, doesn't someone taking your costume so you can't compete, overrule that rule? -But, doesn't someone taking your costume so you can't compete, overrule that rule? Sorry. I -- I don't make the rules. -Sorry. I -- I don't make the rules. This, this... This is bullshit! -This, this... This is bullshit! Amber Atkins! That is not American Teen Princess language! -Amber Atkins! That is not American Teen Princess language! Good, 'cause this isn't an American Teen Princess Pageant -- it's, it's Nazi Germany! -What're you doin' here? Oh, Amber, like you're the only one who visits Mary. -What? You heard me. Where is it? -If you're gettin' at somethin', you better just say it. I just did. -I just did. Well then, you better be willin' to back it up, 'cause you're talkin' like crazy. -Oh -- oh, you bring me some of that snotty attitude, Becky -- bring it on. "Well, as my mother says at Sunday dinner, ""Come and get it,"" bitch!" -"Well, as my mother says at Sunday dinner, ""Come and get it,"" bitch!" "Oh, I'll ""get it."" I'll ""get it"" all right. I might even take seconds." -If you want seconds, then I'll make sure it's hot enough for ya. Bitch! -Here, I didn't get any. Here, have some. -So, anyone talk to Janelle? Yah -- I brought her some flowers this morning. She's in the room next to my mom. She's super happy. -Amber, if I die from these fumes, will you be sure to cover the hickies on my neck? Yeah... -Yeah... And the bite marks on my ears? -And the bite marks on my ears? Yes... -Yes... I know it doesn't matter, but on my inner thighs. -I know it doesn't matter, but on my inner thighs. Yes, Leslie! -Hi... Hi. -Here, I'll take it. It's my job. NO... It's all right. I got it. Don't worry about it. -Oh man, you got leutefisk in your hair. Then it must be Wednesday. -So, uh, I -- I'm not really busy Friday. I just said that -- y'know. I know. -I know. So if, uh, you wanted to do somethin'... -Well, uh, I'm cuttin' out early today to do a little duck huntin'... but, uh, maybe I could call you tonight. Yah-sure, fine... fine. -Yah-sure, fine... fine. Okay... well, bye. -Okay... well, bye. Bye. -What do you mean, they take out her butt? Oh, Jesus H. Christ! -Oh, Jesus H. Christ! "Are we on ""Cops"" again?" -"Are we on ""Cops"" again?" You could be quiet. -You could be quiet. Hi. -Hi. Hi. -Hi. It's just the guys that are... you know, makin' the movie about the pageant. I told you about 'em. -It's just the guys that are... you know, makin' the movie about the pageant. I told you about 'em. Oh, naw. Hi. -Oh, naw. Hi. This here's Loretta. -This here's Loretta. "I tell Annette, I says, ""You talk to me durin' my stories, you might as well be talkin' to the wall."" You guys want a beer?" -Say, yous boys been to the Leeman's? Loretta, shut it. -Loretta, shut it. Y'know, if you have, you got all the pictures of the winner you need. -Y'know, if you have, you got all the pictures of the winner you need. Shut it up, Loretta. -Shut it up, Loretta. Oh, Christ, it's true. -Let's just say who should win, who deserves to win is Amber. Why don't you paint a big red target on your ass, Loretta. -Why don't you paint a big red target on your ass, Loretta. She's the prettiest, y'know. The best damn tapper. The most smartest... -She's the prettiest, y'know. The best damn tapper. The most smartest... """Most smartest?"" Oh, that's good, Loretta. Make sure you get a picture of that. ""Most smartest."" We're cuttin you off and sendin' you home." -Well, excuse me, Annette, but I'm braggin' up your kid, here. Amber's gonna be the next Diane Sawyer, y'know... I'll be right back. See ya later. -They're makin' a movie, here, goddamn it. All right, they're makin' a movie. -All right, they're makin' a movie. You don't know where this is gonna... -You don't know where this is gonna... I got a hairdo. -Don't fall for it. She lives two trailers down. So? Be real easy. -So? Be real easy. Go on home, Loretta. Come on. Go on, the party's over. -Go on home, Loretta. Come on. Go on, the party's over. Anyone? -Oh-Jesus-Mary-n-Joseph, she's pregnant! If you are -- come back, sweetie. Mommy wants to talk, then KILL YOU! Annette, why don't you just see if there's any beer left in that can and relax a bit. -We was robbed. Okay. Take her purse. -Annette, just use your hand. They told me to practice. -Well, it's all happenin' so fast. Goodness-gracious, it hardly seems real, y'know? I mean, I won! I'm the winner! I'm going to State! She's the winner and we're going to state. -C'mon, Rebecca, you wanted it. Now get up there. Ride it side-saddle if you have to -- like a horse. C'mon, now. It smells funny. Like gasoline. -It smells funny. Like gasoline. Oh for chrissakes, everything smells like that in Mexico. -Oh for chrissakes, everything smells like that in Mexico. My dress'll reek. -My dress'll reek. Listen, little missy, this cost your dad a pretty penny. Now get your ass up there and show me some teeth. -I'm a mirror. Correction. This spunky monkey on my right is Terry Macey. And we are your Minnesota American Teen Princess State Board. -Correction. This spunky monkey on my right is Terry Macey. And we are your Minnesota American Teen Princess State Board. We're also the co-founders of the Minnesota Modeling Academy. Applications are at the tiki bar. We'll wave the fifty dollar application fee if you list a friend and put her address. -We're also the co-founders of the Minnesota Modeling Academy. Applications are at the tiki bar. We'll wave the fifty dollar application fee if you list a friend and put her address. That's right. -That's right. Okay? -Okay? Mm-hm. -People, people -- wait, wait a minute, here. Uh, while we haven't ruled out sabotage from neighboring state pageants -- Iowa, Wisconsin, North Dakota... Yeah. -Yeah. Dakota. -Dakota. Ohio... -Ohio... That bitch from... -That bitch from... What? -What? Wisconsin. -Wisconsin. All right, then. -All right, then. The bitch. -The bitch. The important thing is that we have a winner... -Do you think that most people would say that teenage beauty pageants are a good idea? "Oh yah-sure, I know what some of your big city, no bra wearin', hairy- legged women's libbers say, ""Pageants are old-fashioned"" and, uh, and ""demeaning"" to the girls --" -So what was the theme of the pageant last year? "Last year? It was, ""Buy American.""" -"Last year? It was, ""Buy American.""" And the year before that? -And the year before that? """U.S.A. is A-okay.""" -"""U.S.A. is A-okay.""" Can you remember the theme of your favorite pageant? -Can you remember the theme of your favorite pageant? """Can I? I'm Amer-I-Can!"" People ask me where I get this. I don't know, it's... maybe a gift from God or somethin'." -...Oh, yeah-right. I ain't gonna be in no goddamn pageant! Look what happened to that dork-ass farm girl. Tammy Curry? -Tammy Curry? Yah -- yah. Everyone says this is a big accident? She got iced because she wins everything, and this time someone didn't want her to win. -Yah -- yah. Everyone says this is a big accident? She got iced because she wins everything, and this time someone didn't want her to win. This pageant's like a roach motel. -This pageant's like a roach motel. Girls check in, but they don't check out. -Girls check in, but they don't check out. Yeah. And they say smokin' is bad for your health. -Yeah. And they say smokin' is bad for your health. Yeah. -What a surprise. Gladys Leeman's finally gonna go to State. And she'll probably ride on Becky's ass all the way to Nationals, too. I wonder how she's gonna fix that one. -...You betcha. S'posed to be colder- n-a witches tit tonight... Oh, Lester. He loves his weather, y'know. -Oh, Lester. He loves his weather, y'know. Hey, ya like it? Open it... Yah -- the globe. Pull at the equator there. -Hey, ya like it? Open it... Yah -- the globe. Pull at the equator there. We're not in the showroom, Dear. -Lester? Oh, all right How soon they forget where all this comes from. -Yah -- she's damn near as good as that little black fella -- with the glass eye. Sammy Davis, Jr., honey. -Sammy Davis, Jr., honey. Yeah, yeah, the Jew. -Hey! Turn that float around. You think a swan's gonna swim ass first up Main Street? Yah -- Gladys had me order that swan special made from Mexico in case Becky won. I do a lotta business with those people. I always offer to pay 'em in tacos. Whoo, they love that. -Hey, Ted, sorry. I didn't know your family was in the garage when I set it on fire! Gladys! Stop it! -Gladys! Stop it! Guess it wasn't a garage sale as much as it was a bake sale. Ah- hahahahahahahaha! -So help me, Gladys. Becky was my only shot at state! -Becky was my only shot at state! That's enough! -That's enough! Let go! Let go of me. Oh my God, it's COPS! -"...that filth is better left in the ""Sin Cities.""" A.k.a. Minneapolis -- St. Paul. -"...Today's ""To Do"" list includes a trip to the Mall of America. We need outfits for the ""Physical Fitness"" number --" Nothin' too showy! -Nothin' too showy! Y'betcha, Iris. We still need a third judge and we need to think of a theme. -Gladys -- Gladys! Look out! Oh, my! Hello, Father Donigan! Sidewalks, sidewalks? -Iris, stop! It's not his fault. The communal wine just proves too temptin' for some of them. That's why we Lutherans use grape Koolaid for the blood of Christ. -Oh, there's a parking space over there. Oh, no, that's just a compact. Sorry. You'd think they'd build the parking lot of America to go with the Mall of America! -It's a two-hundred dollar fine! I said I'd move if a cripple came. Let's just run in the store and pick out some outfits. -I said I'd move if a cripple came. Let's just run in the store and pick out some outfits. All right, let's go. -Oh! What is it? """Proud... to be... an... American.""" -Well, you know, I think everyone's doing really well considering the fact that she was so young. It's always hard to see the young ones called home, especially on an exploding thresher. It's just so odd and gross. -It's always hard to see the young ones called home, especially on an exploding thresher. It's just so odd and gross. You know that sometimes it's hard to understand God's great plan. -You know that sometimes it's hard to understand God's great plan. Yeah. -So, remember the three most important parts of a good interview... Okay, everybody, listen up! -Okay, everybody, listen up! Number one, American Teen Princess' don't cross their legs like streetwalkers. -Okay, I designed the float, you know. And, what's gonna happen here is that this is going to look like a glistening lake beneath the swan. Uh, Gladys? -Uh, Gladys? What! -What! We need more bars! -We need more bars! This is -- what? -This is -- what? Enid ate a whole pan! -Enid ate a whole pan! I swear to God she can't do anything by herself. -"Are we on ""Cops?"" Are we on ""Cops?"" Are we on ""Cops?""" Shut up, Hank. This here's business. -Ow, Harold -- Mom said not the head. Well, Mom's dead, so shut your fly trap. -Well, Mom's dead, so shut your fly trap. I will if you shut your piehole. -I will if you shut your piehole. Don't make me kick-ya where the good Lord split-ya. -Close up shop. Close up shop, Hank. Harold! -Harold! Close up shop! -EE-AAAYEEEE-AAAAYOUIAAAEEEEEEEE! Come on! Hankey here can't help it if he was born crazier than a shithouse rat! -Let's get this straight right now. We wouldn't have been late at all if it wasn't for you. I want to have the big bag of little donuts. -I want to have the big bag of little donuts. You get nothing, Hank, okay? -You get nothing, Hank, okay? I want to get the big bag of little donuts. -I want to get the big bag of little donuts. There's your paint can. The next time you drink window cleaner, I'm just gonna leave it in ya. -Excuse me, Father, Mother, when are we moving back to Tokyo? I can't stand this place anymore. They put butter on everything. English! English, you stupid little retard! We America now, Tina! -English! English, you stupid little retard! We America now, Tina! "I'm sorry, Dad, but with all due respect, my name isn't ""Tina,"" it's Seiko." -"I'm sorry, Dad, but with all due respect, my name isn't ""Tina,"" it's Seiko." Tina! Tina!! TINA!!! -Mom, I just finished the third movement of that concerto I was working on. I put, like, this techno beat on this Japanese folk tune -- wanna hear it? No! We not like to hear it! Go to your room and shut up! -No! We not like to hear it! Go to your room and shut up! Oh, I almost forgot... I got my acceptance to Tokyo University. -Oh, I almost forgot... I got my acceptance to Tokyo University. What, you deaf? I say shut up -- shut up -- SHUT UP! Cut her outta this! -From what I have been gathering, I think they think I should be king: I think they think I should be king! He should be king! -He should be king! And wear a crown and everything. -And wear a crown and everything. And everything. He should be king! -Of course you're All aware a king must have an heir some one to pass the family name along will some one tell me where I'd ever get an heir if a king can do no wrong The king can do no wrong! -The king can do no wrong! Suppose a pretty dame Into my castle came - And let us say that I was going strong. She might be stuck on me, but what good would it be, if the king can do no wrong. -Suppose a pretty dame Into my castle came - And let us say that I was going strong. She might be stuck on me, but what good would it be, if the king can do no wrong. The king can do to wrong! -The king can do to wrong! King Solomon was game he gave each Girl his name to number them would make a list that long I'll bet his thousand wives led miserable lives if the king can do no wrong. -King Solomon was game he gave each Girl his name to number them would make a list that long I'll bet his thousand wives led miserable lives if the king can do no wrong. We really think he should be king and wear a crown and everything. -We really think he should be king and wear a crown and everything. They think I should - They think I should - They think I should - They think I should be king. -Here I am, Father. Take a letter. -Take a letter. Who to? -Who to? The President of the United States. -My dear President... read it back... """My dear President""..." -"""My dear President""..." "That doesn't sound right... take out ""President""... now read it." -"That doesn't sound right... take out ""President""... now read it." """My dear""..." -"""My dear""..." "That's not right yet... put back ""President"" and take out ""dear""... How does it read now?" -"That's not right yet... put back ""President"" and take out ""dear""... How does it read now?" """My President""..." -"""My President""..." "There's still something wrong with it... take out ""President"" ...now what've you got?" -"There's still something wrong with it... take out ""President"" ...now what've you got?" """My""..." -"""My""..." "Now we're on the right track... Put back ""dear""... How does it read?" -"Now we're on the right track... Put back ""dear""... How does it read?" """My dear""..." -"""My dear""..." "You can't say that to the President... Put back ""President""... Now let's hear how sounds." -"You can't say that to the President... Put back ""President""... Now let's hear how sounds." """My dear President""..." -"""My dear President""..." That's what I wanted in the first place. Tear it up and send it airmail. -That's what I wanted in the first place. Tear it up and send it airmail. Is that all? -Is that all? Take another letter... to my tailor. -Dear Sir... enclosed find check for $100. Yours very truly... Send that immediately. I'll have to enclose the check first. -I'll have to enclose the check first. You do and I'll fire you. -Here I am, Father... Send for my car... -Send for my car... His Excellency's car! -Go out and chase that peanut vendor away from the building -- Get rid of him if you have to use violence - if necessary call out the militia and if he isn't looking get me a bag of peanuts. I've tried to chase him but it's no use - he won't go - -I've tried to chase him but it's no use - he won't go - He won't eh? - We'll see about that - send for your father immediately. -He won't eh? - We'll see about that - send for your father immediately. But you're my father - -But you're my father - Never mind then, I'll get in touch with him myself - -In case of fire, how long will it take to empty this place? About - thirty-four seconds. -About - thirty-four seconds. We'll start a fire -- -- and get rid of these microbes. -Father... Take a letter... -Who to? None of your business... Take another letter. -Eureka Ammunition Company -- Gentlemen -- Your shipment of sailor hats arrived this morning by freight -- Gloria, I could go for you in a big way -- However, the rifles you sent were a little rusty -- -- and I don't say that to everybody -- Have not received last month's drawing account. How come? Your neck is like a swan... Yours very truly. Now read it back. Eureka Ammunition Company, Gentlemen. Your shipment of sailor hats arrived this morning by freight. Gloria, I could go for you in a big way. However, the rifles you sent were a little rusty and I don't say that to everybody. Have not received last month's drawing account; how come your neck is like a swan. Yours very truly... -Eureka Ammunition Company, Gentlemen. Your shipment of sailor hats arrived this morning by freight. Gloria, I could go for you in a big way. However, the rifles you sent were a little rusty and I don't say that to everybody. Have not received last month's drawing account; how come your neck is like a swan. Yours very truly... They'll know I mean business then they get that letter... see that that gets out immediately and that goes for you too. -They'll know I mean business then they get that letter... see that that gets out immediately and that goes for you too. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Gloria, much as I hate to leave, I'd be crazy to stay here. -I wonder what's keeping His Excellency? Never mind His Excellency -- you gotta your pocketbook? -Never mind His Excellency -- you gotta your pocketbook? Yes -- why? -Yes -- why? I wanna powder my nose... -In her dressing room? Why, what could he be doing there? He could be playing solitaire, but I don't think so. -What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? -What's the matter with you? You haven't been still a moment since you've been here. You act as if you had neurosis -- -You haven't been still a moment since you've been here. You act as if you had neurosis -- I no gotta new-rosis. My uncle he's- a got a flower shop -- he's-a gotta new-rosis. -Hey you!! All right - -Have you got a license? No, but my dog he's a got millions of them -- -No, but my dog he's a got millions of them -- What kind of a dog is he? -What kind of a dog is he? He used to be a bloodhound but he's anemic -- -He used to be a bloodhound but he's anemic -- Well - what is he now? -Well - what is he now? He's half poodle and half watch dog - -He's half poodle and half watch dog - Half watch dog? -Half watch dog? Yeh, he's only got one eye. -Yeh, he's only got one eye. I don't know much about dogs but you ought to be on the end of a leash - a ninety-nine year leash - Look - what do you call your dog? -I don't know much about dogs but you ought to be on the end of a leash - a ninety-nine year leash - Look - what do you call your dog? I don't call him, I whistle. -I don't call him, I whistle. What do you whistle? -What do you whistle? Yankee Poodle. -Yankee Poodle. I've got just the place for a man like you but I'm too busy right now to do any digging. What do you call your dog when you want him? -I've got just the place for a man like you but I'm too busy right now to do any digging. What do you call your dog when you want him? I don't want him. -I don't want him. Well, if you don't want your dog why don't you put him in a pound? -Well, if you don't want your dog why don't you put him in a pound? He only weighs ten ounces -- -He only weighs ten ounces -- I can use you in the House of Representatives. We need a man who understands dogs -- and that's where this country is going to. Step inside. -That was for you. "I'm sorry I'm not in. I wanted to have a long talk with you... Now look here, my good man, you've got to stop yelling ""peanuts"" in front of the House of Representatives." -"I'm sorry I'm not in. I wanted to have a long talk with you... Now look here, my good man, you've got to stop yelling ""peanuts"" in front of the House of Representatives." Oh no, I can't do it. -Oh no, I can't do it. You don't want to be a public nuisance, do you? -You don't want to be a public nuisance, do you? Sure. How much does the job pay? Sure, if there's a chance for advancement. -Sure. How much does the job pay? Sure, if there's a chance for advancement. You wouldn't consider going over Niagara Falls without a barrel? -You wouldn't consider going over Niagara Falls without a barrel? 'At's-a no good. I went to Niagara Falls once. -'At's-a no good. I went to Niagara Falls once. Did you shoot the rapids? -Did you shoot the rapids? No, but I shot some ducks. -No, but I shot some ducks. If there was an open season for fellows like you, I'd get myself a hunting license. Anyway, I'm going to make you a sporting proposition. You give up the peanut stand and I'll make you vice-president of the country. -If there was an open season for fellows like you, I'd get myself a hunting license. Anyway, I'm going to make you a sporting proposition. You give up the peanut stand and I'll make you vice-president of the country. Oh, no -- nothing doing. I had a brother who was a vice-president once and that's the last we ever heard of him. -Oh, no -- nothing doing. I had a brother who was a vice-president once and that's the last we ever heard of him. Well, maybe he's still the vice- president. Now if I were to offer you -- -Hello... Yes... No, not yet... All right... Goodbye. That was for you again. He wants you to call him up as soon as you get back. I don't know what's keeping me. I should've been here a long time ago. Now how about my proposition? -I don't know what's keeping me. I should've been here a long time ago. Now how about my proposition? What other job you got? -What other job you got? Let's see -- What've I got in my cabinet besides mice -- I've got it -- how would you like to be Secretary of the Interior? -Let's see -- What've I got in my cabinet besides mice -- I've got it -- how would you like to be Secretary of the Interior? That's no good. I like to work on the outside. I must have something easy. -That's no good. I like to work on the outside. I must have something easy. Then you don't wanna work hard? -Then you don't wanna work hard? I don't wanna work at all. -I don't wanna work at all. In that case you'll have to take a civil service examination -- if you pass I'll put you in the post-office -- stick out your tongue. -In that case you'll have to take a civil service examination -- if you pass I'll put you in the post-office -- stick out your tongue. I don't wanna stick out my tongue. -I don't wanna stick out my tongue. Well, if you wanna work in the post- office you'll have to stick out your tongue. -Well, if you wanna work in the post- office you'll have to stick out your tongue. Look, I'm a very nervous man. I gotta have a job where I come to work at eleven -- go to lunch at twelve -- and quit at one. And twice a year I gotta have a six month vacation. -Look, I'm a very nervous man. I gotta have a job where I come to work at eleven -- go to lunch at twelve -- and quit at one. And twice a year I gotta have a six month vacation. I've got just the job for you -- Secretary of War. -I've got just the job for you -- Secretary of War. 'At's-a fine. -You know, I'd be lost without a telephone. Now - where were we? Oh, yes - I just made you Secretary of War. The first thing you do is buy ammunition -- you buy it from me and I get 10% commission. What do I get? -What do I get? You get half mine and I get half yours. -You get half mine and I get half yours. I don't want to buy ammunition -- we no gotta war. -I don't want to buy ammunition -- we no gotta war. Then we've gotta start one. Do you know how to start a war? -Then we've gotta start one. Do you know how to start a war? Sure, that's easy. You gotta insult somebody. -My card. That's a-no good. You gotta insult somebody from another country. Look -- I come from one country. You come from another country. I say something you don't like. You say something I don't like - and I'm insulted. -That's a-no good. You gotta insult somebody from another country. Look -- I come from one country. You come from another country. I say something you don't like. You say something I don't like - and I'm insulted. Why wasn't I insulted? -Why wasn't I insulted? You was insulted, but you don't know it. -You was insulted, but you don't know it. Then I demand an apology! -Then I demand an apology! That's a-no good. If I apologize we no got a war. Look -- I send you a scrap of paper. You send me a scrap of paper -- and we have a scrap. -That's a-no good. If I apologize we no got a war. Look -- I send you a scrap of paper. You send me a scrap of paper -- and we have a scrap. You've got a brain after all - and how you get along without it is amazing to me -- Now, who can I insult?... Who do we owe money to?... AMBASSADOR TRENTINO! How about him? -You've got a brain after all - and how you get along without it is amazing to me -- Now, who can I insult?... Who do we owe money to?... AMBASSADOR TRENTINO! How about him? He's-a very easy to insult -- I say something to his niece once, and he slapped my face. -He's-a very easy to insult -- I say something to his niece once, and he slapped my face. Why didn't his niece slap your face? -Why didn't his niece slap your face? She did. -She did. What did you say to her? -You're lucky I don't slap your face -- you oughtta be ashamed of yourself. Where did you hear that story? You told it to me. -You told it to me. Oh, yes, I remember -- and I should have slapped Mrs. Teasdale's face when she told it to me... I'm going right out and find Trentino. You go right out and get yourself an army. -Wait a minute. What kind of an army do you think we oughtta have? I think we oughtta have a standing army, so we can save money on chairs. -Send in the next girl. By the way, are you sure we need a spy? -By the way, are you sure we need a spy? Sure, we gotta have a spy. If we no got a spy who's gonna tell the other side what we're doing? -"I'm glad I didn't ask you for ""Washington Crossing the Delaware""." We've gotta have somebody who knows how to get secrets from men. You know how to make love? -He's going to make a good spy... that's not bad for the first day. That's not bad for any day. -You're right about that guy -- I think we've got something. I don't know about us, but I know he's-a got something... -You no gotta no gun. Who said I had a gun... Gimme those plans, you paper snatchers -- -Late again, eh? You haven't been on time once since this war started... Get out there and fight... I can't do it... -I can't do it... Why not? You're the Secretary of War, aren't you? -Why not? You're the Secretary of War, aren't you? Yes, but I'm not working for you any more. I'm on the other side. -Yes, but I'm not working for you any more. I'm on the other side. Is that so? I used to think you were two-faced - but you can't be - or you wouldn't be wearing that one. Now - let's talk this thing over. -Now -- how many men you got in your army? Well, we gotta one hundred thousand men. -Well, we gotta one hundred thousand men. That's not fair -- we've only got fifty thousand. -That's not fair -- we've only got fifty thousand. That's all right. We let you have twenty-five thousand men -- and we both start even. -That's all right. We let you have twenty-five thousand men -- and we both start even. That's the spirit -- fifty-fifty. -That's the spirit -- fifty-fifty. No. Seventy-five -- seventy-five. -No. Seventy-five -- seventy-five. Well, we'll let that one go. Now -- how many battalions you got? -Well, we'll let that one go. Now -- how many battalions you got? We gotta two battalions and one Frenchman. -We gotta two battalions and one Frenchman. I wish you were still working for me, so I could ask you to resign. How're ya fixed for cavalry? -I wish you were still working for me, so I could ask you to resign. How're ya fixed for cavalry? I've gotta five thousand men but no horses. -I've gotta five thousand men but no horses. That's funny, we've got five thousand horses but no men. -That's funny, we've got five thousand horses but no men. That's all right -- our men can ride your horses. -That's all right -- our men can ride your horses. Not a bad idea. If our horses get tired they can ride your men for a change. Now, I don't mind letting you have our horses, but you must promise to put them through their maneuvers. -Not a bad idea. If our horses get tired they can ride your men for a change. Now, I don't mind letting you have our horses, but you must promise to put them through their maneuvers. Oh, sure. We have horse maneuvers every morning. -With a gun like that you can kill some of your own men. That's-a pretty good. I'll take a dozen of them. -That's-a pretty good. I'll take a dozen of them. Anything else? -Anything else? Yes, one gross of bullets, two dozen hand-grenades, three kegs of powder -- and throw in some matches. -Yes, one gross of bullets, two dozen hand-grenades, three kegs of powder -- and throw in some matches. Fine. We'll throw in the matches before we make the delivery. By the way, how're you fixed for spys? -Fine. We'll throw in the matches before we make the delivery. By the way, how're you fixed for spys? Fine. We gotta him. -Fine. We gotta him. So! -- He's on your side, too. -So! -- He's on your side, too. Sure. -Sure. Well, with you two fellows on the other side, this country should have no trouble keeping the wolf from the door. -How'm I doing, boss? Fine - keep on yelling - Do everything you can to disturb Firefly - Now what about your cousin? -Fine - keep on yelling - Do everything you can to disturb Firefly - Now what about your cousin? He's working very hard - I got him a job driving Firefly's car - He's-a driving him crazy and I'm driving him nuts - P-E-A-N-U-T-S -Chicolini, you've come just in time. We need a man who's fearless, brave. A man who's willing to die, if necessary. All right -- I'll go out and find one. -All right -- I'll go out and find one. Firefly must be captured at any cost. -Firefly must be captured at any cost. That's easy, I'll get him for you wholesale. -That's easy, I'll get him for you wholesale. It must be done right away. -It must be done right away. I can't do it right away. -We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke HAIL, HAIL, FREEDONIA If chewing gum is chewed, The chewer is pursued And in the hoosegow hidden... -If chewing gum is chewed, The chewer is pursued And in the hoosegow hidden... If we should choose to chew, we'll be pursued - -If we should choose to chew, we'll be pursued - If any form of pleasure is exhibited Report to me and it will be prohibited. I'll put my foot down; So shall it be - This is the land of the free. The last man nearly ruined this place He didn't know what to do with it. If you think this country's bad off now Just wait 'till I get through with it. The treasury is low on dough; The last man went and flew with it. If you think we're short of money now Just wait 'till I get through with it. The country's taxes must be fixed - And I know what to do with it, If you think you're paying too much now, Just wait 'till I get through with it. -I will not stand for anything that's crooked or unfair; I'm strictly on the up and up, So everyone beware. If anyone's caught taking graft And I don't get my share, we'll stand 'em up against the wall - and pop goes the weasel! So everyone beware Who's crooked or unfair; No one must take a bit of graft Unless he gets his share. -So everyone beware Who's crooked or unfair; No one must take a bit of graft Unless he gets his share. If any man should come between A husband and his bride, We find out which one she prefers By letting her decide. If she prefers the other man, The husband steps outside; We stand him up against the wall And Pop goes the Weasel! -If any man should come between A husband and his bride, We find out which one she prefers By letting her decide. If she prefers the other man, The husband steps outside; We stand him up against the wall And Pop goes the Weasel! The husband steps outside; Relinquishes his bride; We stand him up against the wall And take him for a ride. -The husband steps outside; Relinquishes his bride; We stand him up against the wall And take him for a ride. The population must increase With great rapidity. We give a couple seven years To raise a family. If, by that time, there is no branch Upon the family tree, we stand 'em up against the wall - and Pop goes the Weasel. -Your Excellency, please don't think me silly, but I'd love to have a picture of you. I want to hang it in my bedroom. You couldn't hang me in your bedroom -- I'll make a note of it. Where's my secretary? -You keep that up and you'll crab the whole war. Carry out this tragic folly if you will -- But I for one will not be a part of it. I will stay here in Freedonia. -Oh, Your Excellency, isn't there something I can do? Yes, but I'll talk to you about that when we're alone... -I shall dance for you tonight as I've never danced before. This is a fine thing to be doing at my age. -This is a fine thing to be doing at my age. Are you getting tired? -Are you getting tired? Not at all. When I was a boy back on the farm I used to pump my own water. -Are you sure you're not tired? Tired! I'd like to stretch this into a week - -That's even a greater honor. I bring you the greetings of my President and the good will of my people. -I bring you the greetings of my President and the good will of my people. I'll keep the greetings -- but you can send back the good will... what we need right now is twenty million dollars. -I'll keep the greetings -- but you can send back the good will... what we need right now is twenty million dollars. Twenty million dollars is a considerable sum... I'll have to discuss that with my Minister of Finance. -Twenty million dollars is a considerable sum... I'll have to discuss that with my Minister of Finance. Well, in the meantime, could you let me have $50 personally? -Well, in the meantime, could you let me have $50 personally? $50? -$50? I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you Mrs. Teasdale as security. or my jackknife. If you want my advice, you'll take the jackknife... I've a better proposition... Make it $25 and I'll give you a first mortgage on my son and I hope you foreclose. -I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you Mrs. Teasdale as security. or my jackknife. If you want my advice, you'll take the jackknife... I've a better proposition... Make it $25 and I'll give you a first mortgage on my son and I hope you foreclose. Your Excellency, haven't we met before? -Your Excellency, haven't we met before? Why yes. I met you at the dog races -- say, you could have won that race if you tried a little harder. -Excellency, may I present my niece. Go ahead. -Go ahead. You don't understand. This is my niece Vera. -You don't understand. This is my niece Vera. And Vera niece, too. -When you get through with her feet, you can start on mine. I haven't been to a chiropodist in two years... If that's not an insult, I don't know what is. Gloria, I love you. I -- Can't we go some place where we can be alone? -Can't we go some place where we can be alone? What can this mug offer you? Wealth and family. I can't give you wealth... ...but we can have a little family of our own. -This has gone far enough! This interruption is humiliating, to say the least... Well, why not say the least and get it over with? -That's what you think. You swine! -You swine! Give me that again! -Give me that again! You worm! -You worm! Once more! -Once more! You upstart! -You upstart! That's it! No man lives who can call a Firefly an upstart. -Then it's war? Yes. -Yes. How're ya fixed for ammunition? -How're ya fixed for ammunition? Bah!! -Bah!! THEN IT'S WAR! -I'm sorry we lost our tempers... I'm willing to forget if you are. Forget? You ask me to forget... Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves... and I'd only have to bury them again... A Firefly never forgets... -Forget? You ask me to forget... Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves... and I'd only have to bury them again... A Firefly never forgets... I am willing to apologize... I'm willing to do anything to prevent this war. -I am willing to apologize... I'm willing to do anything to prevent this war. Nothing doing!! I've taken a lease on the battlefield. I'd lose my deposit, besides, I've already ordered the ammunition... -What I called you... Why, what did I call you? I don't remember. -I don't remember. Oh -- you mean... worm? -Oh -- you mean... worm? No, that wasn't it... -No, that wasn't it... Was it -- swine? -Was it -- swine? No... it was a seven letter word. -No... it was a seven letter word. Oh yes! -- UPSTART! -Oh yes! -- UPSTART! That's it... -Why - er - Mrs. Teasdale - this is an outrage! This man is impossible... My course is clear... this means war... You RUNT! I still like UPSTART the best. -What'll I do with this card? You can keep it -- I've got a whole pack... Now what were you saying? -In choosing you, I feel that I serve my country well. I heartily endorse everything you stand for. "Well, I won't stand for much. And I won't stand for you if you don't show some improvement soon. Look at your report card last month -- ""D"" in spelling... six in behavior. Now who were the six? A fine state of affairs -- no wonder you can't matriculate, now what were you saying?" -"Well, I won't stand for much. And I won't stand for you if you don't show some improvement soon. Look at your report card last month -- ""D"" in spelling... six in behavior. Now who were the six? A fine state of affairs -- no wonder you can't matriculate, now what were you saying?" The future of Freedonia rests upon you. Promise me you will follow in my husband's footsteps. -The future of Freedonia rests upon you. Promise me you will follow in my husband's footsteps. I haven't been on the job five minutes and already she's making advances to me. Not that I care -- but where is your husband? -I haven't been on the job five minutes and already she's making advances to me. Not that I care -- but where is your husband? Why - er -- my husband passed away... I was with him to the very end. -Why - er -- my husband passed away... I was with him to the very end. No wonder he passed away. I'd like to be with you to the very end. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you -- I love you. -No wonder he passed away. I'd like to be with you to the very end. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you -- I love you. Your Excellency! -Your Excellency! You're not so bad yourself, Mrs. Teasdale, when I look at you I can see that we're facing a crisis. We've got to balance the budget -- we've got to cut down everything including, you. -Your Excellency, the eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every land are gathered here in your honor -- This is a gala day for us. Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I couldn't handle any more. -Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I couldn't handle any more. If it's not asking too much -- For our information just for illustration Tell us how you intend to run the nation. -If it's not asking too much -- For our information just for illustration Tell us how you intend to run the nation. These are the laws of my administration: No one's allowed to smoke or tell a dirty joke -- And whistling is forbidden... -You've made a wonderful impression. Your views are liberal... It is easy to see you have an open mind. That's what I get for dressing in a hurry. -That's what I get for dressing in a hurry. Your Excellency, you mustn't forget your appointment at the House of Representatives... Have you got your speech ready? -Your Excellency, you mustn't forget your appointment at the House of Representatives... Have you got your speech ready? I wrote a speech last night that'll knock them off their seats... Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation -- -I wrote a speech last night that'll knock them off their seats... Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation -- Why, that's the speech that Lincoln made at Gettysburg... -Why, that's the speech that Lincoln made at Gettysburg... He did?... I told my son not to leave it laying around... Where is son? -Oh, Rufus! All I can offer you is a Rufus over your head. -All I can offer you is a Rufus over your head. Oh, Your Excellency, I don't know what to say. -Oh, Your Excellency, I don't know what to say. I wouldn't know what to say either if I was in your place. Maybe you can suggest something. -So -- you've come to ask for clemency! I'll give the enemy no quarter -- not a dime... But Your Excellency -- the Ambassador is here on a friendly visit... He came to ask you to patch up the breach. -But Your Excellency -- the Ambassador is here on a friendly visit... He came to ask you to patch up the breach. Let him patch up his own breeches... -Oh, won't you reconsider... Well, maybe I am a little headstrong... But, you know, it's awfully hard to forget what he called me. -Guard them with your life... don't leave them out of your sight... If the enemy gets those papers we're lost. If they don't get them, we're lost. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you... Mrs. Teasdale, you're the salt of the earth. They don't come any better than you... Now -- er -- -Now -- er -- Well -- they might come better but they don't come any bigger... and the bigger the better. The bigger the betta you've got on a horse, the more you lose, and speaking about horses, why don't you marry me. Come, come -- say yes and you'll never see me again. I'll go 'way if it means your happiness... -Well -- they might come better but they don't come any bigger... and the bigger the better. The bigger the betta you've got on a horse, the more you lose, and speaking about horses, why don't you marry me. Come, come -- say yes and you'll never see me again. I'll go 'way if it means your happiness... Oh, your Excellency, you take me off my feet. -Gloria -- may I call you Gloria? Why -- why -- of course. -Why -- why -- of course. You can call me Gloria too. Gloria -- what a beautiful name. When I was born my mother named me Gloria -- two minutes later she found out her mistake... -I hope I'm not interrupting. Take a seat -- you're next. -Take a seat -- you're next. Your Excellency, something terrible has just happened. -Your Excellency, something terrible has just happened. That's all right. I'll fix you right up. -My purse has been stolen -- the plans of war are in it. WHAT ? -I -- I may be wrong, but I suspect the Secretary of War. Don't bother me - I'm thinking -- What was that? -Don't bother me - I'm thinking -- What was that? I said - I suspect the Secretary of War. -I said - I suspect the Secretary of War. THIS IS TREASON!! What a fool I was to listen to your siren song and fall a helpless victim under the insidious spell of your irresistible charms -- -THIS IS TREASON!! What a fool I was to listen to your siren song and fall a helpless victim under the insidious spell of your irresistible charms -- But - -But - You satisfied your selfish whims, while nations tottered, dynasties rocked and the world plunged headlong into a chasm of chaos and oblivion -- Not bad, eh? -You know I think they think I should be king. Although it would please me to govern the throng, suppose I were king and then everything went wrong. The king can do no wrong! -Your uncle has been such a friend to us in every crisis. Without his country's financial aid -- What is money? Mrs. Teasdale, for you -- I would do anything. -What is money? Mrs. Teasdale, for you -- I would do anything. Ambassador! I am so anxious for you to meet our new dictator. -Ambassador! I am so anxious for you to meet our new dictator. Mrs. Teasdale -- no matter who rules Freedonia, to me you will always be the first lady of the land. -...but would further cement the relations of our countries. Ambassador Trentino, I am indeed honored... But you see - well - I -- -Ambassador Trentino, I am indeed honored... But you see - well - I -- Oh. Then there his somebody else? -Oh. Then there his somebody else? Well no -- not exactly -- but -- -Well no -- not exactly -- but -- Gloria -- I've waited for years. I won't be put off! I love you! I want you! Can't you see that I'm at your feet? -Gentlemen! Gentlemen! I didn't come here to be insulted. -I shall report this indignity the my President. Mrs. Teasdale, I feel this regrettable occurrence will plunge our countries into war. This is terrible! -Mrs. Teasdale, I'm willing to pocket my pride and do anything I can to make up with his Excellency. Oh, would you...? -Oh, would you...? For you, I would do anything... -So that's the one you want to marry. With Mrs. Teasdale as my wife and Freedonia under my control -- -With Mrs. Teasdale as my wife and Freedonia under my control -- Maybe it's not going to be so easy. From what I've heard, Mrs. Teasdale is rather sweet on this Rufus T. Firefly. -Maybe it's not going to be so easy. From what I've heard, Mrs. Teasdale is rather sweet on this Rufus T. Firefly. That's where you come in. I'll leave him in your hands, and don't forget you're supposed to be my niece. -Uncle, you can't do this! My dear niece -- I must ask you not to interfere. War is not a woman's problem. -My dear niece -- I must ask you not to interfere. War is not a woman's problem. It is every woman's problem. Who supplies the sons? -- the brothers? -- the husbands? Who... -This is all Firefly's fault -- that idiot, that fool... I thought everything was working out fine. -I thought everything was working out fine. Fine nothing! I didn't want war... My plan was to marry Mrs. Teasdale and overthrow Firefly. -Fine nothing! I didn't want war... My plan was to marry Mrs. Teasdale and overthrow Firefly. Maybe you can still win the old dame over -- why not try to -- -If only we can get his Excellency to listen to reason... Perhaps he will listen to you... -Mr. Merrick, sugar? Yes please, two. -Yes please, two. One or two? -One or two? Two, please. -Oh yes. You have so many nice things, and so much room. Oh? -And here is one of Frederick's mother. How lovely. -They have noble faces. I've always thought that myself. -I've always thought that myself. Oh, yes. -Oh... why Mr. Merrick she's beautiful. She has the face of an angel... She was an angel. She was so kind... so kind to me. It's not her fault, for in the fourth month of her maternal condition she was knocked down by an elephant. I'm sure I must have been a great disappointment to her. -She has the face of an angel... She was an angel. She was so kind... so kind to me. It's not her fault, for in the fourth month of her maternal condition she was knocked down by an elephant. I'm sure I must have been a great disappointment to her. Oh no, Mr. Merrick. No. No son as loving as you are could ever be a disappointment. -Oh no, Mr. Merrick. No. No son as loving as you are could ever be a disappointment. If only I could find her. If only she could see me now, here, with such lovely kind friends. You, Mrs. Treves, and you, Mr. Treves. Then maybe she would love me as I am. I've tried to hard to be good. -You won't be long? I'll join you shortly. -Did it go well, darling? Yes, very well, I think. Are the girls in bed? -Yes, very well, I think. Are the girls in bed? Yes, and they send their kisses. Would you like your sherry now? -Yes, and they send their kisses. Would you like your sherry now? No, I think a whiskey. -Freddie?... Freddie, don't look so discouraged. I shouldn't be. We made great progress today. I taught him to repeat a few basic phrases. He did rather well, too, but I had to lead him every step of the way. Though frankly, at times I was unsure of who was leading whom. -I shouldn't be. We made great progress today. I taught him to repeat a few basic phrases. He did rather well, too, but I had to lead him every step of the way. Though frankly, at times I was unsure of who was leading whom. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Well, I wasn't sure whether he was parroting me because that's all he was capable of, or whether he sensed that that's all I wanted to hear, and he was trying to please me. -Well, I wasn't sure whether he was parroting me because that's all he was capable of, or whether he sensed that that's all I wanted to hear, and he was trying to please me. But I thought you said that he was rather... simple? -But I thought you said that he was rather... simple? He is. I mean, I've always thought he was. I think he must be. Is he simple? Or is that just something I've wished upon him to make things simpler for myself? -Frederick, why are you so interested in this particular case? I don't know. I can't explain it. If this is an intelligent man, trapped in the body of a monster, then I'm under a moral obligation to help free that mind, free that spirit as best I can, to help him live as full and content a life as possible. But! If he's an imbecile, who's body I can't treat and who's mind I can't touch, well, then my obligation is discharged. They can put him where they will; he won't be bothered, I won't be bothered, and everyone's conscience can remain free and untroubled. And that is my dilemma... what is in his mind? -Perhaps you're just polishing a stone, endowing this Elephant Man with qualities he doesn't possess? And what qualities are those? Intelligence or stupidity? -And what qualities are those? Intelligence or stupidity? I'm sure I don't know, Freddie. -I'm sorry... I don't know either. I just don't know. Well, these things take time. -Well, these things take time. I've only got until two o'clock tomorrow afternoon, when Carr Gomm meets him. Somehow, between now and then I've got to make John Merrick at least seem like an intelligent man... Why am I fooling myself? Nothing short of John delivering the Sermon on the Mount is going to sway Carr Gomm... -John loves the house. Do you? -Yes. And here are my mother and father. -You stay with me. Dinner will be served, shortly, dear. -More romances for John? Hmmm? -Hmmm? ...Freddie! What's the matter? You've been like this all evening. -...Freddie! What's the matter? You've been like this all evening. Oh... I've just been thinking about something that man Bytes said. -Oh... I've just been thinking about something that man Bytes said. Oh, Freddie. What could that wretched vampire say to upset you? -Oh, Freddie. What could that wretched vampire say to upset you? That I am very little different from him. -That I am very little different from him. Oh that's absurd, Frederick. No, no Frederick, that's all wrong! John is happier and more fulfilled now than he has ever been in his entire life. And, that is completely due to you. -Oh that's absurd, Frederick. No, no Frederick, that's all wrong! John is happier and more fulfilled now than he has ever been in his entire life. And, that is completely due to you. But why did I do it? What was this all for? So John Merrick could live out his last days in peace and comfort? Or so I could become famous? -But why did I do it? What was this all for? So John Merrick could live out his last days in peace and comfort? Or so I could become famous? Frederick, just what is it that you are saying? -Frederick, just what is it that you are saying? ...Am I a good man or am I a bad man? -...Am I a good man or am I a bad man? Oh Frederick. -Excuse me, Mr. Treves, sir. Yes? -Yes? I found it. -I found it. Did you see it? -Our man is sick. Come right away. What is it? -What is it? Like this. -Like this. I'll get my bag. -You sly bastard. You're doing this to spite me, aren't you! Aw, Bytes, he's sick. -Aw, Bytes, he's sick. He's doing it to spite me, I tell you, and it's got to stop! -He's doing it to spite me, I tell you, and it's got to stop! He's sick, Bytes. He's going to die. -He's sick, Bytes. He's going to die. If he does it's his own fault! But I'm not burying that swollen bag of flesh. -What are you going to do? I'll show you! I'll show you! -Don't! Shut up! -What did you do to him? He's been like this all night! What do you mean? -What do you mean? He was fine when he left here, and now look at him. -He was fine when he left here, and now look at him. I intend to. -What happened? He fell. He falls. -He fell. He falls. He must have taken quite a fall. -He's a clumsy git. Never watches where he is going. Why is he sitting up like this? He needs rest. -Why is he sitting up like this? He needs rest. That's the way he sleeps. If he lays down, he'll die. Head's too heavy. -This man belongs in hospital. Can't you fix him up here? ...He's my livelihood. Listen. -Can't you fix him up here? ...He's my livelihood. Listen. "You listen, you're not going to have much of a livelihood if this man dies. He's got the rale, he's very weak, and I don't know how much damage has been done by his ""fall"". Now stop wasting time and fetch a cab." -I like doing business with you. You and I understand each other, completely. I know I can trust you. Can't I? Everything will be seen to. -I want my man back. Just a moment, how did you get in here? -Just a moment, how did you get in here? Never mind that, I want my man! -Never mind that, I want my man! He's still very sick. Please come downstairs with me. I'll explain the situation. -He's still very sick. Please come downstairs with me. I'll explain the situation. DON'T... Don't muck me about. You've had plenty of time to fix him up, and he's leaving with me, NOW. Do you understand me? Now, Mr. Treves. We had a bargain! -DON'T... Don't muck me about. You've had plenty of time to fix him up, and he's leaving with me, NOW. Do you understand me? Now, Mr. Treves. We had a bargain! You misunderstood. This man suffered a severe fall, if you take my meaning. He's my patient now and I must do what... -You misunderstood. This man suffered a severe fall, if you take my meaning. He's my patient now and I must do what... Pull the other one, why don't you! We made a deal! -Pull the other one, why don't you! We made a deal! I know what you've done to him and he's never going back to that. -I know what you've done to him and he's never going back to that. He's a freak! That's how they live. We're partners, him and I, business partners. You're willfully deprivin' me of my livlihood! -He's a freak! That's how they live. We're partners, him and I, business partners. You're willfully deprivin' me of my livlihood! All you do is profit from another man's misery! -All you do is profit from another man's misery! You think you're better 'n me? YOU wanted the freak to show all your doctor chums and make a name for yourself, you guv. So I gave him to you. On trust, in the name of science! And now I want him back. -You think you're better 'n me? YOU wanted the freak to show all your doctor chums and make a name for yourself, you guv. So I gave him to you. On trust, in the name of science! And now I want him back. You don't own this man! -You don't own this man! I want him back! -I want him back! So you can beat him? So you can starve him? A dog in the street would fare better with you! -So you can beat him? So you can starve him? A dog in the street would fare better with you! I've got my rights, damn you, and I'm going to the authorities! -Now I think we really do understand one another. Right... Right. -Good morning, Treves. Good morning, sir. -Good morning, sir. You've acquired a taste for this? -You've acquired a taste for this? It's quite nutritious, sir. -It's quite nutritious, sir. Don't be mad. This muck can kill you. -Don't be frightened. He won't hurt you. Indeed! -A hospital is no place for secrecy, Mr. Treves. Doctors spiriting hooded figures about are liable to cause comment. Why wasn't this patient properly admitted, and why is he in isolation? Is he contagious? No sir, he's got bronchitis and he's been badly beaten. -No sir, he's got bronchitis and he's been badly beaten. Why isn't he in the General Ward, then? -Why isn't he in the General Ward, then? Well sir, he's quite seriously deformed, and I fear the other patients would find him... rather shocking. -Well sir, he's quite seriously deformed, and I fear the other patients would find him... rather shocking. Deformed? Is that it. Then am I to assume that he is ultimately incurable? -Deformed? Is that it. Then am I to assume that he is ultimately incurable? Yes sir. -Yes sir. What are your plans then, Treves... You are aware that the London does not accept incurables. The rules are quite clear on that point. -What are your plans then, Treves... You are aware that the London does not accept incurables. The rules are quite clear on that point. Yes, I'm well aware of that. But this case is quite exceptional. -Yes, I'm well aware of that. But this case is quite exceptional. Oh, is he a friend of yours? -Oh, is he a friend of yours? No, more of an acquaintance. -I certainly sympathize with your problem, Treves... Why don't you try the British Home, or the Royal Hospital for perhaps they would have a place for him. Yes sir, I'll look into that. Would you like to meet him sir? -Have you contacted the British Home and the Royal Hospital? Ah, no sir. I had planned to see them in the morning. -Ah, no sir. I had planned to see them in the morning. Good! How is the patient? -Good! How is the patient? He's doing very well. In fact that's why I came to see you. I think that if I were to present Mr. Merrick to the hospital committee, then they would have a chance to see for themselves not only the extraordinary nature of the disease, but of the man as well. If the committee had a chance to speak with him, hear him say a few words for himself, I'm sure they would see him as a patient, rather than as a violation of the rules. -He's doing very well. In fact that's why I came to see you. I think that if I were to present Mr. Merrick to the hospital committee, then they would have a chance to see for themselves not only the extraordinary nature of the disease, but of the man as well. If the committee had a chance to speak with him, hear him say a few words for himself, I'm sure they would see him as a patient, rather than as a violation of the rules. A few words? I thought he was imbecile? -A few words? I thought he was imbecile? Well sir, perhaps I should explain... -Well sir, perhaps I should explain... I really don't think that's necessary Treves. I'm quite sure the committee will be able to make an equitable decision on the merits of the case, such as they are. -I really don't think that's necessary Treves. I'm quite sure the committee will be able to make an equitable decision on the merits of the case, such as they are. I don't agree. No one can make a reasonable decision about this man's future without at least meeting him. No doctor would presume to diagnose a patient he had never met. -I don't agree. No one can make a reasonable decision about this man's future without at least meeting him. No doctor would presume to diagnose a patient he had never met. "No, Treves, it's out of the question. Now if it was up to me, I'd say ""Certainly, let's meet the fellow, by all means,"" I'm sorry, I simply can't speak for the other members of the committee." -"No, Treves, it's out of the question. Now if it was up to me, I'd say ""Certainly, let's meet the fellow, by all means,"" I'm sorry, I simply can't speak for the other members of the committee." Then will you meet him, as a representative of the committee. -Then will you meet him, as a representative of the committee. Mr. Treves, it's out of the question. I want to hear as soon as possible what the other hospitals can do. I'm sorry. -Singularly unpleasant chap... uh... I don't suppose there would be any harm in my meeting your... patient, Mr. Treves. Thank you very much Sir. Shall we say in a few days then? -Thank you very much Sir. Shall we say in a few days then? Shall we say two o'clock tomorrow afternoon? -Shall we say two o'clock tomorrow afternoon? Wh... whatever is most convenient for you, sir. -Wh... whatever is most convenient for you, sir. Two o'clock then... you know Treves... It seems this acquaintance of yours has become rather more than just an acquaintance. -Two o'clock then... you know Treves... It seems this acquaintance of yours has become rather more than just an acquaintance. ...Yes, Sir. -It's only a physical problem. He has trouble with certain sounds because of the constrictive deformity of the mouth. But he can talk, and has a great eagerness to make contact with people who will let him. So if you have any difficulty understanding what he is saying, just tell me and I'll make it clear. Speaking is one thing, Treves, but can the man comprehend? -...As I said, it's only a physical problem... but I do feel that Mr. Merrick is very flattered that you're taking the time and trouble to meet him, and he's most anxious to make a good impression, so he might seem rather nervous. He needn't. I have no desire to cause him any discomfort. Did you make those inquiries we spoke about? -He needn't. I have no desire to cause him any discomfort. Did you make those inquiries we spoke about? Yes, I spoke to both the British Home and Royal Hospital for Incurables. I'm afraid that they weren't very encouraging, but they said they'd bring it up at their next committee meeting, so we should have their answers shortly. -Yes, I spoke to both the British Home and Royal Hospital for Incurables. I'm afraid that they weren't very encouraging, but they said they'd bring it up at their next committee meeting, so we should have their answers shortly. Fine, fine. You know, your dedication to this patient is an inspiring thing, Treves. But you must remember that this is a hospital, and there are many patients here. Patients who can be made well, and you owe them your first consideration. Just don't become so obsessed, old man, that you begin to neglect them. -Oh yes? And what was that, John? -It was a nice try, Treves, but the man is so obviously mouthing your words. Yes, I'm very sorry to have wasted your time, sir. I just felt that I had to do anything I could to protect him. -Yes, I'm very sorry to have wasted your time, sir. I just felt that I had to do anything I could to protect him. I'm sorry too. He simply doesn't belong here. He's be much happier somewhere else, where he could be constantly looked after. Believe me, Frederick, it's better that it worked out this way. Good day. -How did you, know the rest? I never taught you the rest of it. I don't understand. -I don't understand. Tell me, John, how did you know the rest of the 23rd Psalm? -Treves. Well done. Not me, sir. Mr. Merrick. He succeeded in spite of my shortsightedness. -Can you imagine what his life has been like? Yes, I think I can. -Yes, I think I can. No you can't. You can't begin to know, no one can. -You are quite right, Treves, this is an exceptional case. And I quite agree that the committee should see Mr. Merrick. I could easily arrange... -I could easily arrange... No, not that way. Broadneck and the others don't like to deal with patients directly. It makes them queasy... Do you have any photographs of Mr. Merrick? -No, not that way. Broadneck and the others don't like to deal with patients directly. It makes them queasy... Do you have any photographs of Mr. Merrick? Well, yes. -Well, yes. Excellent. We shall present them, along with the other particulars of the case to the committee. I want them to see, exactly, how horribly his body has been affected. You and I shall vouch for his inner qualities. -Excellent. We shall present them, along with the other particulars of the case to the committee. I want them to see, exactly, how horribly his body has been affected. You and I shall vouch for his inner qualities. Do you think they'll go along with us? -Do you think they'll go along with us? Of course they will. They're reasonable men. -Don't we? No, we don't. Their committees have informed me that they're unwilling to take Mr. Merrick, even if they were supplied with funds. They don't want him. -No, we don't. Their committees have informed me that they're unwilling to take Mr. Merrick, even if they were supplied with funds. They don't want him. Well, it's up to us then, isn't it? -Has the response picked up? Frankly, Treves, it's not what I'd expected. A few small cheques. Well- wishers. Don't worry, these things undoubtedly take time. -Frankly, Treves, it's not what I'd expected. A few small cheques. Well- wishers. Don't worry, these things undoubtedly take time. But he's so afraid he's going to be carted off. I've promised him that won't happen. -But he's so afraid he's going to be carted off. I've promised him that won't happen. Well... I'll let you know if there's something in the afternoon post. -Well... I'll let you know if there's something in the afternoon post. Please do. -Don't you think this is a bit premature? We don't have the backing yet to... Steady on, Treves. Have a seat. -How are you feeling today? I feel much better. Thank you for asking. And you? -I feel much better. Thank you for asking. And you? I'm feeling very fit, thank you. How is your bronchitis? -I'm feeling very fit, thank you. How is your bronchitis? I feel much better. Thank you. -I feel much better. Thank you. Are you comfortable here? -Are you comfortable here? Everyone has been very kind. I am extremely grateful. -...I... everyone has been very kind to me. Of course. How long did you and Mr. Treves prepare for this interview? -...everyone has been very kind. Yes, of course... Well, it's been a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Merrick. Good day. -What is it, Treves? Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies, Thou anointest my head with oil... -It was a great pleasure to meet you, Mr. Merrick. I am very pleased to meet you. -I am very pleased to meet you. I hope we can talk together again sometime. Good day. -How long has this man been here? Three quarters of an hour. -Three quarters of an hour. Mmmm. Hodges, Pierce come closer. Mr. Hill, take hold of the rope please. It's a machine accident. I expect you'll be seeing a good deal of this. -Abominable things these machines. One can't reason with them. What a mess. -I say Freddie, what are you about? Oh nothing... nothing of any great importance. -Good Lord, Freddie! What have you got in there? You'll know presently. At the meeting of the society. But until then, I beg of you Fox, keep it to yourself. -You'll know presently. At the meeting of the society. But until then, I beg of you Fox, keep it to yourself. Certainly, if you insist. You must have quite a find there. -Certainly, if you insist. You must have quite a find there. I don't know what I've got. -I don't know what I've got. Nothing of any importance, eh? -You never mentioned his mental state. He's imbecile, no doubt from birth. He speaks, but... it's all gibberish. No, the man's a homeless idiot... I pray God he's an idiot. -Fair Katharine, and most fair, will you vouchsafe to teach a soldier terms Such as will enter at a lady's ear And plead his love-suit to her gentle heart? Your majesty shall mock at me; I cannot speak your England. -Your majesty shall mock at me; I cannot speak your England. O fair Katharine, if you will love me soundly with your French heart, I will be glad to hear you confess it brokenly with your English tongue. Do you like me, Kate? -O fair Katharine, if you will love me soundly with your French heart, I will be glad to hear you confess it brokenly with your English tongue. Do you like me, Kate? "Pardonnez-moi, I cannot tell vat is ""like me""." -"Pardonnez-moi, I cannot tell vat is ""like me""." An angel is like you, Kate, and you are like an angel. -An angel is like you, Kate, and you are like an angel. O bon Dieu! les langues des hommes sont pleines de tramperies. -O bon Dieu! les langues des hommes sont pleines de tramperies. What say you, fair one? That the tongues of men are full of deceits? -What say you, fair one? That the tongues of men are full of deceits? Oui, dat de tongues of de mans is be full of deceits. -Oui, dat de tongues of de mans is be full of deceits. "I know no way to mince it in love, but directly to say ""I love you"". What! A speaker is but a prater; a rhyme is but a ballad. A good leg will fall; a straight back will stoop; a black beard will turn white; a curl'd pate will grow bald; a fair face will wither; a full eye will wax hollow; but a good heart, Kate, is the sun and the moon, or rather the sun and not the moon; for it shines bright and never changes, but keeps his course truly." -Good day...! I've brought you some things. I hope you'll like, Mr. Merrick. I hope you don't think it too forward. -I've brought you some things. I hope you'll like, Mr. Merrick. I hope you don't think it too forward. Oh, no. -Oh, no. I knew you'd understand. Here. -I want you to know that I don't go about giving my pictures to just anyone. Oh, no. I would never think it! It's so beautiful. You are so... I'll give it a place of honor, here, next to my mother. -She's very pretty, your mother. Yes. -Mr. Treves says that you are in the theatre. Do you live there? Oh no, Mr. Merrick. I just work there. -Oh no, Mr. Merrick. I just work there. Well, even to work there would be wonderful. Is it beautiful? -Well, even to work there would be wonderful. Is it beautiful? You've never been? -You've never been? Alas, no. -Alas, no. Well you must go. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Of course, I'm rather partial. -Well you must go. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Of course, I'm rather partial. Tell me about it, please! -Tell me about it, please! It's very difficult to put into a nutshell, but I should say the theater is the shrine of the imagination, where one may suspend disbelief and travel anywhere in the world, to any time you desire. You may look over the shoulders of kings, unobserved, battle with ruthless tyrants, and marry the beautiful princess, all in the space of a few hours. Onstage you may be whoever you wish to be, do anything you please, and always, always live happily ever after. The theatre is all the brightest and best things of the world, Mr. Merrick. It is lights and music, gaiety and joy. It's... well, it's romance. -It's very difficult to put into a nutshell, but I should say the theater is the shrine of the imagination, where one may suspend disbelief and travel anywhere in the world, to any time you desire. You may look over the shoulders of kings, unobserved, battle with ruthless tyrants, and marry the beautiful princess, all in the space of a few hours. Onstage you may be whoever you wish to be, do anything you please, and always, always live happily ever after. The theatre is all the brightest and best things of the world, Mr. Merrick. It is lights and music, gaiety and joy. It's... well, it's romance. Romance! -Romance! That's one thing the theatre has in great store. which reminds me. I have something else for you... -Have you read it? No, but I certainly shall. -Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too? Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. -Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair. -Why, Mr. Merrick, you're not an Elephant Man at all... Oh no? -Oh no? Oh no... no... you're a Romeo. -John, I'd like you to meet one of the brightest lights of the British stage, Mrs. Kendal. Mrs. Kendal, John Merrick. Good day, Mr. Merrick. -It's all arranged. I'll send over some evening gowns for the sisters that you select to accompany Mr. Merrick. You'll be using the Royal entrance and Princess Alexandra herself will be there to welcome him to her private box. I'm very grateful to you, Mrs. Kendal. This is just the thing to help him forget his ordeal. John will be very excited. -I'm very grateful to you, Mrs. Kendal. This is just the thing to help him forget his ordeal. John will be very excited. Well it is a miracle he ever got back. And, I'm sure, Mr. Treves, under your expert care, he'll have many happy years ahead. -Well it is a miracle he ever got back. And, I'm sure, Mr. Treves, under your expert care, he'll have many happy years ahead. I fear not, Mrs. Kendal. Even in the short time he was gone the size of his head has increased rapidly... as is his pain. -I fear not, Mrs. Kendal. Even in the short time he was gone the size of his head has increased rapidly... as is his pain. How awful for John. -How awful for John. And yet, not once have any of us heard him complain. -And yet, not once have any of us heard him complain. Is he... dying then? -Is he... dying then? Yes. There is nothing more frustrating, nothing that makes a physician feel more useless, than standing by watching his patient deteriorate. And when that patient is a friend, no... no, there's absolutely nothing I can do. -Yes. There is nothing more frustrating, nothing that makes a physician feel more useless, than standing by watching his patient deteriorate. And when that patient is a friend, no... no, there's absolutely nothing I can do. Well, it's all quite... I've never heard... It's quite... -Well, it's all quite... I've never heard... It's quite... Yes. -You alright? y-y-yes-- -y-y-yes-- Want to come out? -Want to come out? You're English. -You're English. Of course! You want out? -Of course! You want out? Yes. -Yes. Won't be a moment. -I'm sorry I could only get you a third class ticket, but it's all we had. Oh no, my friend... -Oh no, my friend... Say hello to London for me. I miss her. -Say hello to London for me. I miss her. Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. You know, I saw you once there, in London. You're a great attraction. -Feeling better now, Mr. Merrick? Yes. -Thank you very much. Well, if there is nothing more, I suppose we'll be leaving you now. -Well, if there is nothing more, I suppose we'll be leaving you now. No, nothing. -Good morning, Mr. Merrick. Good morning. -What? Oh! I see! It's St. Phillips. Oh, of course. Why... why that's very good, I mean you've gotten the windows and arches just right. Yes. -Yes. But it's so good, I mean... it's so very good. -But it's so good, I mean... it's so very good. Thank you... very much. -Thank you... very much. Where did you get this box? -The hallway? Oh, the wastecan! I meant no harm, it was the only place where I could find cardboard. I thought it has been thrown away. -I meant no harm, it was the only place where I could find cardboard. I thought it has been thrown away. It's alright, it was thrown away. No one wants it. It's just that it's a little dirty, that's all. -What's this? The main spire. -The main spire. The... oh, the spire! How silly of me, it's as plain as day... Mr. Merrick, where did you learn to do this? -The... oh, the spire! How silly of me, it's as plain as day... Mr. Merrick, where did you learn to do this? ...I learned a long time ago. -I'll have to find some more. Yes... well, good day, Mr. Merrick. -Yyyy... Yyye... yyyess. Yes John! -...Yyes Yyyess. -Yyyess. Yyess. -Yyess. "That's much better. I could understand that ""yes""." -"That's much better. I could understand that ""yes""." Yes! -Yes! Very good! Oh yes! Now listen. I'm going to say some things to you and I want you to repeat them... um... I want you to say them back to me. Do you understand? I'm going to say some things to you and I want you to say them back to me. Do you understand? -Very good! Oh yes! Now listen. I'm going to say some things to you and I want you to repeat them... um... I want you to say them back to me. Do you understand? I'm going to say some things to you and I want you to say them back to me. Do you understand? Yes. -Yes. "Excellent! Now, say... ""Hello""" -"Excellent! Now, say... ""Hello""" Hello... -Hello... My name is... -My name is... My... name is... -My... name is... John Merrick. -John Merrick. John... Merrick -John... Merrick "Say ""Merrick""." -"Say ""Merrick""." Merrick... -Merrick... "Say ""Mmmerrick.""" -"Say ""Mmmerrick.""" Mmmerrick. -Mmmerrick. "Say ""Mmmerrick.""" -"Say ""Mmmerrick.""" Mmmerrick. -Mmmerrick. Well, that's alright. I understand you. Now, say the whole thing again, Hello ... -Well, that's alright. I understand you. Now, say the whole thing again, Hello ... Hello... my name is... John Merrick. -Why, my dear Mrs. Mothershead, how good of you to join us. Mr. Merrick, will you please introduce yourself? Hello, my name is John Merrick. -The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want, he maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul: He Guideth me in the paths of righteousness... Righteousness... -Righteousness... Righteousness for his namesake. -Righteousness for his namesake. "Very good, very good. Now, when your visitor comes today I want you to say it exactly the way you said it just now. I will introduce him to you and you will say the words you've learned. If you have any trouble with any of the words, I'll help you. I'm sure you'll be just fine. If you do as well for him as you've done for me these last two days, then I'm sure our visitor will be very pleased. Now, let's go through the whole thing again, shall we? I will say ""May I introduce you to Mr. Carr Gomm."" And you will say..." -"Very good, very good. Now, when your visitor comes today I want you to say it exactly the way you said it just now. I will introduce him to you and you will say the words you've learned. If you have any trouble with any of the words, I'll help you. I'm sure you'll be just fine. If you do as well for him as you've done for me these last two days, then I'm sure our visitor will be very pleased. Now, let's go through the whole thing again, shall we? I will say ""May I introduce you to Mr. Carr Gomm."" And you will say..." Hello, my name is John Merrick. I am very pleased to meet you! -John, may I introduce you to Sir Carr Gomm. Hello... my name is John Merrick. I am very pleased to meet you. -Mr. Merrick likes the food here. Don't you John? Oh yes! It is much better than what I am used to. -...Yes potatoes... but... But the variety of food here is very pleasing... I commend you. -Why did you let me go on like that, teaching you what you already knew? Why didn't you tell me you could read? You did not ask me. -You did not ask me. I never thought to ask. How can you ever forgive me? -I never thought to ask. How can you ever forgive me? Oh, no do not say that. You have been so kind to me. I was afraid to say too much. People always want me to be quiet. You wanted me to speak, but I was afraid. Forgive me. -Oh, no do not say that. You have been so kind to me. I was afraid to say too much. People always want me to be quiet. You wanted me to speak, but I was afraid. Forgive me. We do have a lot to talk about, don't we? -Good evening. How are you feeling? Good evening. Very well, thank you. And you? -Good evening. Very well, thank you. And you? Very well, thank you. I have something for you, John. I'm sure you'll enjoy it, it's very popular. -This... is my new home? Yes. -Yes. The hospital? -The hospital? Of course! What did you think? -How long will I stay here? I promise you. You will never see the inside of that horrible place again. You will never, ever go back to the workhouse... or that man. It's a splendid room, don't you think? -You look splendid, John. Thank you very much. -Thank you very much. When one is invited to tea, one must look one's best. -John... what's the matter? John... why are you upset? I'm not used to such kindness. From a beautiful woman. -Well, it's a lovely bedroom. What do you call that thing above the bed? That's a canopy, John. -That's a canopy, John. Ohhh... -Ohhh... How is your tea, John? -How is your tea, John? It's very good. I'm enjoying my visit with you very much. It's so very kind of you to have me as a guest in your home. I'm sorry I made a spectacle of myself. -It's very good. I'm enjoying my visit with you very much. It's so very kind of you to have me as a guest in your home. I'm sorry I made a spectacle of myself. Not at all, John. -Not at all, John. I love the way you've arranged your pictures on the mantlepiece. Is that the way it's done in most houses? -I love the way you've arranged your pictures on the mantlepiece. Is that the way it's done in most houses? Oh yes. -Oh yes. Who are they of? -Who are they of? Oh, our relatives... the children. -Oh, our relatives... the children. The children! May I see? -The children! May I see? Of course. -The Children. Where are your children Oh, they're gone for the day... with friends. -Oh, they're gone for the day... with friends. Friends. Ah yes, friends! How nice. -Would you... would you like to see my mother? Your mother? -Your mother? Here. -Good morning, John. Good morning. -Good morning. John, there's someone here who would like to meet you. Would that be alright? -When will the stream be aweary of flowing under my eye? When will the wind be aweary of blowing over the sky? When will the clouds be aweary of fleeting? When will the heart be aweary of beating, and nature die? Never, oh! Never, nothing will die. the stream flows the wind blows the heart beats Nothing will die. -Mr. Treves, there is something I've been meaning to ask you for some time... Yes, John? -Yes, John? ...Can you cure me? -No John, I can't. I can care for you, but I can't cure you. I thought as much. -The cathedral is coming along nicely. Yes, soon I will start the main spire, but I must finish these columns first, How kind of her! -How blind of me. Is there anything else, John, anything at all that I could get for you? Oh no! There is nothing! I have everything, you have given me everything I could possibly want. I am happy every hour of the day. I only wish there was something I could give to you. -Oh no! There is nothing! I have everything, you have given me everything I could possibly want. I am happy every hour of the day. I only wish there was something I could give to you. Please John, it would give me so much pleasure to give you something. Something just for yourself. Isn't there something you would like to have? -You want a dressing bag, John? You don't think it's too gaudy, do you? -...my... home? Yes, John. -Yes, John. You did this for me? -You did this for me? Yes. -Yes. Please... please thank the governing committee for me. I will do my utmost to merit their kindness. -My home. There is one more thing, John. Here. -Is it the one you wanted? Oh, Mr. Treves. Mr. Treves. -Oh, Mr. Treves. Mr. Treves. Are you sure? Because I can take it back. -Are you sure? Because I can take it back. Mr. Treves. Thank you my... friends. -Mr. Treves! Treves. John.... how can you ever forgive me? -Stand up, John. Let them see you. Oh no, I couldn't. -Oh no, I couldn't. It's for you, John. It's all for you. Go ahead, let them see you. -Will the cathedral be finished soon, John? Yes, very soon. -Yes, very soon. Splendid. it's truly a masterpiece. Well, I suppose I'll be on my way now. I hoped your enjoyed yourself this evening. -Splendid. it's truly a masterpiece. Well, I suppose I'll be on my way now. I hoped your enjoyed yourself this evening. Oh yes! It was wonderful! -Oh yes! It was wonderful! I'm glad, John. Goodnight. -Yes John? Mr. Treves, tell me... tell me truly. Is it alright, did I make any mistakes that you can see? -Mr. Treves, tell me... tell me truly. Is it alright, did I make any mistakes that you can see? No, John, not one that I can see. -No, John, not one that I can see. Then I shouldn't change anything? -Then I shouldn't change anything? No, no, I wouldn't change a thing. -Goodnight John. Sleep well. You too, my friend. Goodnight. -Ah, Mothershead. How are you feeling today? Fine. -Fine. Good. Excellent. Now then, Mrs. Mothershead, I want you to come into this room with me. Inside there is a man with a rather... unfortunate appearance. -Good. Excellent. Now then, Mrs. Mothershead, I want you to come into this room with me. Inside there is a man with a rather... unfortunate appearance. I've heard. -I've heard. Yes... Well, I want you to clear up a little mess, a breakfast tray was spilt. And bring up another breakfast. When you've done that, you and I shall give the man a bath. But, Mothershead, I'm counting on your many years of experience to get you through this, Above all, do not scream, do not cry out, or in any way show this man that you are frightened of him... -Yes... Well, I want you to clear up a little mess, a breakfast tray was spilt. And bring up another breakfast. When you've done that, you and I shall give the man a bath. But, Mothershead, I'm counting on your many years of experience to get you through this, Above all, do not scream, do not cry out, or in any way show this man that you are frightened of him... Sir, you don't have to worry about me. I'm not the sort to cry out. Shall we go in? -Sir, you don't have to worry about me. I'm not the sort to cry out. Shall we go in? Yes... Yes, let's go in. -The workhouse. Yes! The workhouse! -Good morning, Mr. Treves. It'll be his bath-time soon. Has he eaten? Not quite yet, Mrs. Mothershead. There seems to be some difficulty this morning. -Won't come out, eh? No, he's very upset about something. -No, he's very upset about something. Just being obstinate, sir. I'll handle it. -"He's had his share of ""smacks"", Mothershead. I expect that's what drives him under the bed. We must use patience and understanding with this man." Perhaps you've got the time for that, Mr. Treves, I certainly don't. I've got an entire hospital to look after, and you have your real patients. Don't waste your time with him sir, it's like talking to a wall. I don't mean to be harsh, but truthfully what can you do for him? I'll be back later for his bath. And Mr. Carr Gomm would like to see you when you have a moment. Good day sir. -Good Lord, Mr. Treves! We've made tremendous strides today, Mothershead. He listens and repeats with great attention, and this certainly isn't easy for him. -We've made tremendous strides today, Mothershead. He listens and repeats with great attention, and this certainly isn't easy for him. Parrots can do as much, Mr. Treves. It's all very nice, but I don't see the point. You know they won't let him stay here. -Parrots can do as much, Mr. Treves. It's all very nice, but I don't see the point. You know they won't let him stay here. I'm sure that if Mr. Merrick made a good impression on the hospital committee they'd see that he's the exception to their rule. Now I'm not expecting miracles. I'm not saying he'll be able to read or write, but I do think that I can get him to speak for himself. I'm going to arrange things with Carr Gomm right now. That was very good, John, very good. That's all for today. We shall do some more tomorrow. Mothershead? -Watery headed bunch. I regret that I must leave you here, m' Lord, m' Lady. Thank you so much for coming. It was an act of the greatest charity. -Incredible, isn't it? Well, I think John has had enough visitors for one day, Mothershead. I've got a lecture at the college, I'll be back this evening. Excuse me, sir. I'd like to have a word with you. -Excuse me, sir. I'd like to have a word with you. Oh?... Well, quickly please, Mothershead, I'm overdue. -Oh?... Well, quickly please, Mothershead, I'm overdue. I can't understand why you let those people go in there, sir. -I can't understand why you let those people go in there, sir. Now Mothershead, you have to understand that this is very good for John. He relishes contact with people outside the hospital... -Now Mothershead, you have to understand that this is very good for John. He relishes contact with people outside the hospital... But you saw them, sir. They couldn't hide their disgust. They don't care anything for John, they're just trying to impress their friends. -But you saw them, sir. They couldn't hide their disgust. They don't care anything for John, they're just trying to impress their friends. Aren't you being just a little harsh, Mothershead? You yourself hardly treated John with much loving kindness when he first arrived. -Aren't you being just a little harsh, Mothershead? You yourself hardly treated John with much loving kindness when he first arrived. I bathed him, didn't I? I fed him and cleaned up after him! If loving kindness can be called care and practical concern, then yes, I did treat him with loving kindness, and I'm not ashamed to say it. -I bathed him, didn't I? I fed him and cleaned up after him! If loving kindness can be called care and practical concern, then yes, I did treat him with loving kindness, and I'm not ashamed to say it. You're right, Mothershead, please forgive me... Of course, I appreciate everything you've done for John, and I'm glad that you are concerned about his welfare. But, I'm the physician in charge and I must do what I think best. I'm also very late, so please forgive me. -Mr. Treves, some more books arrived for Mr. Merrick. Thank you, Mothershead. Have a porter put them in my office. -Thank you, Mothershead. Have a porter put them in my office. Yes sir. What's that? -Yes sir. What's that? A dressing bag. -A dressing bag. Very smart indeed. -Very smart indeed. Yes. John wants it. -Yes. John wants it. A dressing bag? -A dressing bag? You don't think it's too gaudy, do you. -You don't think it's too gaudy, do you. Well... -Well... John thinks it's very dashing. Something no gentleman should be without. I'm inclined to agree. -So you see, John, there's no need for a lighthouse. All your friends are here. Welcome home, John. -WHERE IS MR. MERRICK? I... I don't know what you mean, Sir. -Don't lie to me. I know all about it. You were SEEN. Where did you take him? Take him? Now wait... I didn't take him anywhere. We were just having some fun. We didn't hurt him... just having a laugh, that's all. -Take him? Now wait... I didn't take him anywhere. We were just having some fun. We didn't hurt him... just having a laugh, that's all. HE'S GONE! -HE'S GONE! When I left him, he was in his bed, safe and sound. -When I left him, he was in his bed, safe and sound. YOU BASTARD! You tortured him. YOU TORTURED HIM, you bastard. WHERE is HE? -YOU BASTARD! You tortured him. YOU TORTURED HIM, you bastard. WHERE is HE? YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! I ain't done nothing wrong. People pay to see your monster, Mr. Treves. I just take the money. -YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! I ain't done nothing wrong. People pay to see your monster, Mr. Treves. I just take the money. YOU'RE THE MONSTER! YOU'RE THE FREAK! GET OUT! YOU'RE FINISHED! -Are you the proprietor? And who might you be, sir? -And who might you be, sir? Just one of the curious. I'd like to see it. -Just one of the curious. I'd like to see it. I don't think so. No sir, we're closed. -I'd pay handsomely for a private showing. Are you the proprietor? Handsomely?... Who sent you? -Handsomely?... Who sent you? Pardon me? -Pardon me? Never mind. I'm the owner. -So you'll bring him to me, tomorrow, 10:00 a.m.? Mr...? Bytes. Mr. Bytes. He'll be there. -Bytes. Mr. Bytes. He'll be there. I'll send a cab. Here is my card. -Open up! I know you're in there! Ah! It's my father! -Ah! It's my father! Open up! I know you're in there! -Right! Where is he? Who, Father? -Who, Father? Who? Who? Whoever you've got in here of course! -Who? Who? Whoever you've got in here of course! There IS no one. -Well... where is he? There's nobody here, Father. Look for yourself. -Ah! So you admit there IS someone! You're losing your temper! -It's all in your own mind, Father... It's YOU who imagine that I'm always up here with some man or other.... I don't know how you do it, Aud... I sometimes think you've got some of your mother's magic... -There is no magic, Father... My mother had no magic... She did, I tell you! She could blind me as easily as the night the day. -She did, I tell you! She could blind me as easily as the night the day. It's your fantasy... -It's your fantasy... But one day I'll catch you... Like I caught her... -It's all right! It isn't happening! But, Father, it IS! -It's sinking! Hy-Brasil is sinking! Well, my dear, I think you'll find it's all a question of what you want to believe in.... I have slightly more experience of these matters than you... -WHAT did you say? I said welcome. -I said welcome. WELCOME? -WELCOME? Well, of course. We always welcome friends. -"How d'you KNOW we're ""friends""?" Well, EVERYONE is friends here on Hy- Brasil. -Please! Please! What are those? What are what? -What are what? Those things in your hands. -Those things in your hands. These? What are THESE? They're swords. -What's the matter? PLEASE! You don't know what you're doing! -PLEASE! You don't know what you're doing! What? -What? Put them down! PLEASE make them put them down. -WHY? Yes. -Yes. But surely you know...? -Have you ever felt like this about anyone else? "What... you mean ""got into bed with"" them?" -"What... you mean ""got into bed with"" them?" No, of course not, silly -- I mean FELT like this about them? -No, of course not, silly -- I mean FELT like this about them? You mean... you HAVE got into bed with somebody else? -You mean... you HAVE got into bed with somebody else? No, I mean have you ever felt that for the first time in your life you'd met somebody you could believe in with your whole heart... someone whose goals suddenly seem to be YOUR goals... whose dreams seem to be YOUR dreams? -No, I mean have you ever felt that for the first time in your life you'd met somebody you could believe in with your whole heart... someone whose goals suddenly seem to be YOUR goals... whose dreams seem to be YOUR dreams? HAVE you ever been to bed with anyone else? -HAVE you ever been to bed with anyone else? What does that matter? But you've... you've... FELT like this before... -What does that matter? But you've... you've... FELT like this before... It was different... -It was different... What was she like? -What was she like? Oh... oh, I didn't know her very well... -Oh... oh, I didn't know her very well... But you LOVED her all the same... -But you LOVED her all the same... We never went to bed together. -We never went to bed together. Why do you go on about that? What does it matter? -Why do you go on about that? What does it matter? You've been to bed with somebody else, haven't you? -You've been to bed with somebody else, haven't you? I've never LOVED anybody! -I've never LOVED anybody! I've never been to bed with anybody! -The Cloak Invisible. It was my mother's parting gift. """The fifth one this week""!" -"""The fifth one this week""!" Oh, for goodness' sake! -Oh, for goodness' sake! And I thought you said it was something special... -That's just what I was trying to tell you. You ARE... Five this week; how many the week before? -Five this week; how many the week before? You're as bad as my father. -You're as bad as my father. And the week before that? -We mustn't let him land! Who? -Who? Halfdan the Black. -Halfdan the Black. But, Erik... -Just give me a hand. I mean, you could have killed yourself. -Where's the Cloak Invisible? Why? -No! I'll bring it back. -I'll bring it back. Erik. You don't understand. -Erik. You don't understand. No. It's YOU who doesn't understand, Aud. Halfdan has come to kill and destroy. We brought him here. We must stop him. -No. It's YOU who doesn't understand, Aud. Halfdan has come to kill and destroy. We brought him here. We must stop him. But you don't realize.... -But you don't realize.... Goodbye, Aud... -And thanks for the Cloak Invisible! No! WAIT! ERIK! The Cloak! The Cloak Invisible! It only seems to work on my father! -No! No! We are in the spell of the Horn! Hatred will destroy us. That's right! -No. Don't look... The abyss will suck away your strength. I MUST look! Keitel! Hold this! -YOU still want to go to Asgaard? Of course. -Of course. Do you believe I love you? -Do you believe I love you? I... but I... -I... but I... You don't have to love me. Just: do you believe I love YOU? -You don't have to love me. Just: do you believe I love YOU? Yes -- I believe you do. -Yes -- I believe you do. Then let go! -The second note. The second note to wake the Gods... -Erik! You've done what you came to do! Not quite... -Blow the third note! The note to take us home! There is something I must ask the Gods... -There is something I must ask the Gods... No living man has ever set foot in the Halls of Asgaard... The Gods will never let you return. -Then I shall come too. No... no... -No... no... I don't want to live WITHOUT you. -I don't want to live WITHOUT you. But, Aud... I... I came to find someone... -LOKI! Where did YOU come from? Halfdan wanted to stop you waking the Gods... so... I disguised myself to sabotage their plans. -But -- It was my master Keitel's idea. -But... How is it you can see me? You can all see me? What d'you mean? -How do we know this is the way? We blew the Horn Resounding. -We blew the Horn Resounding. SHE blew the Horn Resounding. -"Now what CAN you want with me, Erik the ""Viking""?" I shouldn't have come. -I shouldn't have come. They will make fun of you for listening to an old woman's stories? -What do you see, Erik? I see the world. -I see the world. Is it night or day, Erik? -Is it night or day, Erik? It is day, of course, Freya. -It is day, of course, Freya. Is it summer or winter, Erik? -Have you ever seen the sun, Erik? The sun is up beyond the clouds -- where it always is. -The sun is up beyond the clouds -- where it always is. But have you ever seen it? Think back... -But have you ever seen it? Think back... Of course not... but... when I was a child... I remember a dream.... it was as if the whole sky was blue... -Of course not... but... when I was a child... I remember a dream.... it was as if the whole sky was blue... The sky WAS blue, Erik... once. -Is there nothing men can do? The Gods are asleep, Erik. -The Gods are asleep, Erik. I will go and wake them up! -And will the dead ever return, Freya? That I cannot tell you. -No... we don't... The Gods decreed that if ever a sword spills human blood upon these shores, the whole of Hy-Brasil will sink beneath the waves. -How? Well... for a start... er... there's no killing... -Well... for a start... er... there's no killing... Well, OBVIOUSLY there's no killing. -Well, OBVIOUSLY there's no killing. Well... isn't it great? -Would you like us to sing to you? That's very kind of you, but we're in rather a hurry... We're... -What's the matter, don't you WANT to hear our singing? Oh... well, yes, of course; it's just we're looking for the Horn Resounding and -- -Oh... well, yes, of course; it's just we're looking for the Horn Resounding and -- You don't think our singing's going to be good enough for you? -You don't think our singing's going to be good enough for you? Oh, no no no! It's just the Horn Resounding is... -Oh, no no no! It's just the Horn Resounding is... A lot of people like our singing. -A lot of people like our singing. I'm sure it's lovely. -I'm sure it's lovely. But you don't want to hear it. -But you don't want to hear it. No... no... We'd love to hear it. Wouldn't we? -Er... well... we... we... would be TERRIBLY grateful if you... all... would sing for us. You're just saying that. -Of course we're not; we'd genuinely like to hear you sing. REALLY? -REALLY? Really. -Really. And you're not just saying it because you think we want you to? -No. "Right! Summon the musicians! We'll do the one that goes ""TUM-TUM-TUM- TUM-TI-TUM-TUM""" -We're just not a very musical nation... No, no... It was very... er, nice. -No, no... It was very... er, nice. Now I want you to be ABSOLUTELY, totally, genuinely honest with me. Did you really, truly, honestly like it? -No. They didn't like it! Oh God! I want to die! -Your Majesty! We come from a world where there IS no music. Where men live and die by the axe and by the sword... Well, how d'you think I feel? -Well, how d'you think I feel? The Gods are asleep, King Arnulf. -The Gods are asleep, King Arnulf. YOU try to be nice to people, when they're rude about your singing... -I'll tell you what... Yes? -Careful! They're not supposed to hurt you. You've got to let me go! -It's all part of our safety regulations. You see if someone were to get hurt they might get angry and then... well... "They'll be more than ""hurt"" if Halfdan the Black lands! Ow!" -He's trying to stop us waking the Gods. Why? -Why? Because that's how he makes his money, by war and plunder! -Because that's how he makes his money, by war and plunder! Don't talk nonsense. -Don't talk nonsense. He wants to kill US! -He wants to kill US! Not when we explain about the Great Blessing. -Not when we explain about the Great Blessing. You don't know Halfdan the Black. -You don't know Halfdan the Black. I know that the Great Blessing has kept the peace for a thousand years, and will keep it for the next thousand. -Is there something the matter with it? Oh! No! No... of course not... it's just I hadn't expected it to be quite so big. -Oh! No! No... of course not... it's just I hadn't expected it to be quite so big. Well, it's not called the Horn Resounding for nothing. You DO know how to play the horn, don't you? -Well, it's not called the Horn Resounding for nothing. You DO know how to play the horn, don't you? Yes... oh, yes... -Yes... oh, yes... Then I expect you'll be leaving first thing in the morning. -But it IS! Look! The important thing is not to panic. -Have you done this sort of thing before? Me? Of course! I've been looting and pillaging up and down the coast. -Me? Of course! I've been looting and pillaging up and down the coast. Looting and pillaging, eh? -Looting and pillaging, eh? Yes. -Yes. What about the raping? -What about the raping? Shut up. -Shut up. It's obvious you haven't raped anyone in your life. -It's obvious you haven't raped anyone in your life. Sh! -Of course I like women... I LOVE 'em. You don't love ME. -You don't love ME. No... right... this is RAPE... Mark you, I'm not saying I couldn't get to like you... in fact... well, to be quite honest, I prefer it when there's some sort of mutual feeling between two people... -No... right... this is RAPE... Mark you, I'm not saying I couldn't get to like you... in fact... well, to be quite honest, I prefer it when there's some sort of mutual feeling between two people... What -- rape? -What -- rape? No. It isn't rape then, is it? -No. It isn't rape then, is it? Oh, get it over with. -Oh, get it over with. I don't suppose... no... -I don't suppose... no... What? -What? I don't suppose you... you DO like me at all? -I don't suppose you... you DO like me at all? What d'you expect? You come in here, burn my village, kill my family and try to rape me... -I'll kill you if you say anything about this to anyone. About raping me? -About raping me? About NOT raping you... -About NOT raping you... You DON'T like it, do you? -You DON'T like it, do you? Well it just seems a little bit crude, that's all. -Well it just seems a little bit crude, that's all. What about the killing and looting? That's just as crude, isn't it? -What about the killing and looting? That's just as crude, isn't it? Oh well -- you've GOT to do them. -Oh well -- you've GOT to do them. Why? Why have you got to go round killing and looting? -Why? Why have you got to go round killing and looting? To pay for the next expedition, of course. -To pay for the next expedition, of course. But that's a circular argument! If the only reason for going on an expedition is the killing and looting and the only reason for the killing and looting is to pay for the next expedition, they cancel each other out. -But that's a circular argument! If the only reason for going on an expedition is the killing and looting and the only reason for the killing and looting is to pay for the next expedition, they cancel each other out. Oh! Stop talking as if we were married! -Oh! Stop talking as if we were married! Well you started it. -Well you started it. I just said I didn't feel like raping you. -I just said I didn't feel like raping you. And I was just saying that rape is no MORE pointless or crude than all the killing and looting that goes on. -Scream. Ah. -Ah. Louder. -Louder. Aaagh! Rape! -Aaagh! Rape! Oh, thanks. -Thanks for saving me from a fate worse than death. I didn't mean to! -I didn't mean to! Oh, that's all right then... it's the thought... that counts... -You told them I raped you -- why? I dunno... you looked so... so vulnerable... -I dunno... you looked so... so vulnerable... Why should you care? -Why should you care? Why... should YOU care? -Why... should YOU care? Tell me your name? -I've come to take you back to the land of the living. What a stupid idea. -What a stupid idea. Why? -Why? What's the point of being dead in the land of the living? -What's the point of being dead in the land of the living? I'll ask the Gods to give you life again! -Have you tried to ask the God for anything? Well... no... -Is THAT Odin? You'll have to wait till he's finished his game. -You'll have to wait till he's finished his game. Odin! -Why should you care? I don't know! I just did! -FIND the Rainbow Bridge? Find it... AND cross it! -"""But"" what?" But... -But... What? -Nothing... Halfdan the Black chopped his hand off last night. He was lucky... Sit there. -What are you talking about? Come on, move it! -It's Halfdan the Black! I know. Snorri! Get your oar out! -Erik! Row! What are you doing? It saved my father! -How deep IS the ocean? Very deep... usually... -Let's hack her to pieces. No. -What's wrong with making friends? "You don't go through all the hardships of an ocean voyage to make ""friends""." -That's terrible! You mean if just ONE PERSON gets killed? -Halfdan the Black's here! I know! -I know! He wants to KILL us. -But. You're not even afraid of DEATH, Thorfinn! I know. I know. -It's not magic! It's just a trick! Don't you FEEL it? -We're missing all the fun... What's it all about? -What's it all about? What? -What? We toil and labor, we loot and pillage, rape and kill... and yet... -We toil and labor, we loot and pillage, rape and kill... and yet... You talking piffle, son? -You talking piffle, son? Where does it all get us, Grandpa? -Where does it all get us, Grandpa? Who have you been talking to? -Who have you been talking to? I met this girl... -I met this girl... It's always the women that start the trouble. -It's always the women that start the trouble. She got me thinking... -She got me thinking... So? What'd you do to her? -I... I... KILLED her... That's my boy! -He can have my place. I don't want to go anyway. Well, you ARE! -I want to die... No, I don't! Row! Row! Row! -Slower! Nobody can row at that speed! Sorry. -Slower! In... Out... Sorry! -Faster! Make your mind up. -What are YOU doing here? You may need a real Berserk. -Ohh! I wanted to sit next to Leif. Shut up. You there. You there and you there. -SHUT UP! ROW! -Look, the sky is blue... The sun! That's it! -It's magic. "What ""magic""?" -"What ""magic""?" I've heard stories of a magic that strikes fear into the heart so you cannot fight. -"What ""magic"" have you brought, Erik?" You'll see! -What did he say? Look out! -You must help us. We don't HAVE to help anybody. -We don't HAVE to help anybody. Fenrir the Wolf covers the sun -- men fight and kill each other the whole time. -Fenrir the Wolf covers the sun -- men fight and kill each other the whole time. Why should WE care? -Why should WE care? Because... you're... you're the Gods.... -Because... you're... you're the Gods.... So? -So? Bring the Age of Ragnarok to an end and stop all this fighting and bloodshed. -Erik the Viking! The things you seek are not in our power. We don't make men love each other or hate each other. But you're the Gods! -But you're the Gods! Look... Erik... -You mean we'd be dead? No! We'd be the first living men to set foot in the Halls of the Gods. -Thank you VERY much indeed. Now stop it! -Now stop it! It's SO nice to feel wanted. -It's SO nice to feel wanted. Leif, you sit there. Even, you sit there. Harald, you'd better sit over there... -Leif, you sit there. Even, you sit there. Harald, you'd better sit over there... Trust me to get the missionary. -You can't have Sven's father sitting next to Sven. They'll argue the whole time. That's true. You'd better sit there. You there, and Ornulf there. -That's true. You'd better sit there. You there, and Ornulf there. Now you've got all the big ones on one side. -That's better. Now you've got all the ones with beards on one side and all the moustaches on the other. -Row! Has anyone told him we've got a dragon eating our boat? -First we're flying -- now we're sinking! Well, come on! -Listen! Maybe we won't get to Hy- Brasil! Maybe we won't find the Horn Resounding... but at least we've tried... and at least we shall have died like men. Like fish. -A magic dishcloth. To the oars! -Weren't we supposed to? Oh... I feel a little... oh... -No! Let go, Snorri! I've got you! -I've got you! You'll be sucked down too! -You'll be sucked down too! No! Arrgh! -There is another way. Who gets killed? -Who gets killed? Nobody gets killed. -You need to say a bit more than that! Oh... er... yes... -What's the matter with them? Just say something cheerful. -Just say something cheerful. Oh... right! Well... CHEERS everybody! -I think we should go... Right. Farewell... for the last time... may the gods prevent... -Right. Farewell... for the last time... may the gods prevent... No, don't say anything else! -Wait, Erik! Keitel Blacksmith? -Bjorn's not. He could have Bjorn's place. What's the matter with Bjorn? -What do you think? But how could he know... unless... -And you, Keitel Blacksmith. But... -Well, what else do we do? How about making friends? -So Halfdan the Black's using magic, is he? Well, I have a magic to match his! What is it? -Don't you see, Erik! She wants revenge! What are you talking about? -And you, Sven, aren't you afraid of crossing the Rainbow Bridge to Asgaard? I will join my grandfather there. -What are you talking about, Erik? What if we could find Bi-Frost the Rainbow Bridge? -Only the dead reach Asgaard, Erik. What's the matter? Are you afraid to try? -Nobody's ever crossed the Rainbow Bridge to Asgaard. We'd be the first! -But HOW? I don't know -- but I'm not afraid to try. -Hey, you two! What's going on? I was sitting there. -Look, I bagged it last week. It doesn't matter WHERE you sit! -It doesn't matter WHERE you sit! Yes it does! We could be at sea for months. -Yes it does! We could be at sea for months. Well, what difference does it make where you're SITTING? -Well, what difference does it make where you're SITTING? I don't want to have to sit next to Snorri all that time. -I AM one, Dad! We haven't got a spare place. -ROW! DEATH! -She hasn't got any. She MUST have a knife or something... -Hy-Brasil? Is THIS Hy-Brasil? -We must blow the first note... he note that will take us to Asgaard... Over the Edge of the World. -Sven! Let me do something for myself for a change! -I came to find my grandfather. I have to go... -Bye, Leif. Bye... sorry... -Bye... sorry... Yeah... well... -Yeah... well... You will wait? -You will wait? What d'you expect me to do? -That's why they call me... Leif the Lucky. Please. -What's all the panic about? The Dragon... -It can't do you any HARM... What do we have to do? -What do we have to do? Nothing... I just immerse you in water... -How did he do that? Do what? -Do what? Vanish into thin air? -Vanish into thin air? He hasn't. -He hasn't. Well, where is he then? -You coming? You don't even believe in Asgaard. I thought I might do a bit of business on the way. -I thought I might do a bit of business on the way. You're wasting your time. -You're wasting your time. Listen. I've been in this dump for sixteen years and I haven't made a single convert... -Listen. I've been in this dump for sixteen years and I haven't made a single convert... There was Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife. You converted HER. -There was Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife. You converted HER. Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife became a Buddhist, not a Christian. -Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife became a Buddhist, not a Christian. Same thing, isn't it? -Same thing, isn't it? No, it is NOT. -You know, my son, our lord said... Your lord. -Your lord. "Quite... MY lord... said: ""The Prayer of Faith shall have the sick.""" -"Quite... MY lord... said: ""The Prayer of Faith shall have the sick.""" I hope the Dragon of the North Sea gets YOU AND your lord. -Are you all right? No, I'm not. -No, I'm not. You don't need to feel bad about being sea-sick, you know. -You don't need to feel bad about being sea-sick, you know. How can you help feeling bad when you're sea-sick? -How can you help feeling bad when you're sea-sick? I mean many of the greatest sailors were. -I know. I know. Olaf Tryggvason used to throw up on every single voyage... the whole time... non-stop... puke... puke... puke. -Olaf Tryggvason used to throw up on every single voyage... the whole time... non-stop... puke... puke... puke. Look! I don't feel BAD about it. I just feel ILL. -He used to puke in his sleep. Bastard. -Is it sort of... like a sinking feeling in your stomach? That's it! -And a sort of slightly sick feeling? That's it! AND you keep wanting to go to the lavatory. -That's it! AND you keep wanting to go to the lavatory. Oh, yes! I hadn't noticed that! -Oh! Who cares? We're HOME! Mum! Dad! -Aaagh! Got you! -Let me go, Sven. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I'm not worth risking your life for. -I'm not worth risking your life for. I've got you, Keitel Blacksmith. If you go... I go too... -I've got you, Keitel Blacksmith. If you go... I go too... For your own sake... For the others... I... -For your own sake... For the others... I... Hang on... -Well! Come on! I... I... -Who's that? It's me. I'm just going to water the dragon... -It's me. I'm just going to water the dragon... Oh... -What? What are you doing, Keitel Blacksmith? -What are you doing, Keitel Blacksmith? Get away, Snorri. -Get away, Snorri. What have you got there? -Ooh, that's a good one! You could charge Halfdan fifteen for that one. Yes, it is good. But I told him ten. -Yes, it is good. But I told him ten. You could charge him what you like. -You just can't make enough swords and spears and knives and daggers to satisfy the demand. You could charge Halfdan twenty and he'd pay it. Oh, I couldn't do that! The Blacksmith's Code says... -Oh, I couldn't do that! The Blacksmith's Code says... "Yes yes... of course.... the ""Blacksmith's Code""..." -If this IS the Age of Ragnarok, Keitel Blacksmith, it is GOOD to us. Can't make enough swords! -Can't make enough swords! Can't make enough axe-heads! -Can't make enough axe-heads! But, Keitel, if Erik ever finds the Horn Resounding... if he ever crosses Bi-Frost, the Rainbow Bridge... if he ever wakens the gods.. -They chase Fenrir the Wolf from the sky... The Age of Ragnarok ends... -The Age of Ragnarok ends... The bottom falls out of the sword business! -The bottom falls out of the sword business! It's not just YOUR livelihood that's at stake but your son's, and the livelihood of ALL blacksmiths. -It's not just YOUR livelihood that's at stake but your son's, and the livelihood of ALL blacksmiths. My brother blacksmiths! -My brother blacksmiths! That's right. -That's right. The Blacksmith's Code says I must... -The Blacksmith's Code says I must... Honour and protect all blacksmiths. -Honour and protect all blacksmiths. Together we stand! -Together we stand! You can't let Erik do THAT. -Wasn't it, Keitel? Well... I... I thought... -Are you going to let Erik wake the Gods? How can we stops him now? -Sh! Hurry! YOU do it! -YOU do it! You'll be able to throw it further than I could. -I can't swim! I can't swim! Relax! -Relax! I'm drowning! Help! -Urrgh! Argh! Let go, you idiot! Help! -Help! You'll drown us bo... -Help! Help! -Shut up! She knows it was our fault! -She knows it was our fault! Keep your mouth shut, Keitel! -Keep your mouth shut, Keitel! No! It's YOU, Loki! I should never have listened to you! -You've lost your mind. We came to stop you waking the Gods, Erik! But I didn't want anyone to get hurt! -We came to stop you waking the Gods, Erik! But I didn't want anyone to get hurt! You fool! -I should have got rid of you long ago! Like you got rid of Snorri! -Made by YOU, Loki! By YOU -- Keitel Blacksmith! Don't you know, Erik, that is why he went with you? Ragnarok was good for his business... -By YOU -- Keitel Blacksmith! Don't you know, Erik, that is why he went with you? Ragnarok was good for his business... It's not my business any more! -It's a tradition. I know, Dad. -I know, Dad. I was a Berserk for King Harald Fairhair... -I was a Berserk for King Harald Fairhair... You went berserk... -You went berserk... I went berserk in every battle I ever fought for King Harald... -I went berserk in every battle I ever fought for King Harald... So did your father... -So did your father... So did my father and his father before him. -So did my father and his father before him. But it's a responsibility... -But it's a responsibility... But it's a responsibility being a Berserk. -But it's a responsibility being a Berserk. I must only let the red rage... -I must only let the red rage... You must only let the red rage take hold of you in the thick of battle. -You must only let the red rage take hold of you in the thick of battle. I KNOW! I'VE HEARD IT ALL 1 THOUSAND TIMES! -We're being attacked! KILL! Kill! Kill! Not now, Sven... -Not now, Sven... I must KILL! Kill! -I must KILL! Kill! It's no good going berserk against a dragon! -KILL! KILL! Stop it! -HOLD it! HOLD it in! DEATH TO DRAGONS! -Well, of course he is! Sh! -There! THAT'S a true Berserk. I'm just building up to it, Dad. -Well, go on! Go berserk! GIVE US A CHANCE, Dad! -There is nothing we can do... Helpless... -He drove me mad! Easy, Dad! -Easy, Dad! "And his ""you'll never be a Berserk if you lose your temper""..." -"And his ""you'll never be a Berserk if you lose your temper""..." Dad! -Dad! I hate you! I hate you! -He's not in Valhalla! He died of old age! You liar! -Well I'M certainly not, either. Neither am I. -Well... I'm game. Me too. -Shut up. Erik's right! We'll all meet in Valhalla. -Thorfinn! You can't die! I'm not frightened... of anything... -I'm not frightened... of anything... You'll see my grandfather in Valhalla! -You'll see my grandfather in Valhalla! No... he's not... not... there... -No... he's not... not... there... Tell him I'm coming! -And you've got BOTH axes? Yes, Mother. -Yes, Mother. And something to sharpen them with? -And something to sharpen them with? Yes, Mum. -Yes, Mum. And don't forget: never let your enemy get behind you. -And don't forget: never let your enemy get behind you. No, Mother. -No, Mother. And keep your sword greased. -And keep your sword greased. Yes, Mother. Goodbye, Dad. -And if you have to kill somebody, KILL them! Don't stop to think about it. I never do... -I don't know, honey. It's horrible. She's punishing me for being honest. I should just go to her house. -Maybe you need to look at this as a sign to move on. Just make a clean break. I don't know. I'm so... I can't believe she'd be so goddamn immature! -You weren't supposed to see that. They can't erase memories. It's a joke. It's a nasty Clementine hoax. -They can't erase memories. It's a joke. It's a nasty Clementine hoax. Sweetie, we called the company. -Thanks, guys. I hope you feel better, sweetie. -I hope you feel better, sweetie. Yeah. -Yeah. Say hi to Naomi. -I'm sorry Naomi couldn't make it. You okay? You seem quiet. Just a little overworked, maybe. -I remember you turned around. Your face was dark and your hair was backlit -- I could see a halo of frizz -- you asked me if things were okay between Naomi and me. I did. You said, things were fine. -I did. You said, things were fine. I remember. -I remember. This is the night you met Clementine, Joel. I remember watching you walk down the beach with her and I thought, oh shit. -This is the night you met Clementine, Joel. I remember watching you walk down the beach with her and I thought, oh shit. Yeah, you told me that later. -Yeah, you told me that later. I told you that later. -Who was the girl you walked off with? No one. -Shit. The last time I saw you. Anyhoo, sweetie, I done a bad thing. I kinda sorta wrecked your car... -But I thought, I don't know, I thought it was cool that you were sensitive enough to know what I was feeling and that you were attracted to it. But, I don't know, maybe we're the normal ones, y'know? I mean, what kind of people do well at this stuff? -But, I don't know, maybe we're the normal ones, y'know? I mean, what kind of people do well at this stuff? And I just liked you so much. -And I just liked you so much. You did? You liked me? -No, it was lovely. Hi, Joel. So no jokes about my name? -May I help you? Yeah, hi, I have a one o'clock with Dr. Mierzwiak. Clementine Kruczynski. -Yeah, hi, I have a one o'clock with Dr. Mierzwiak. Clementine Kruczynski. Yes, please have a seat. He'll be right with you. -Ms. Kruczynski? Hi. -How are you today? Okay, I guess. -Okay, I guess. Here we are. -I just thought I'd say hi. I was in the neighborhood. You were not. -You were not. I was not. -Come over after I'm done here? I can't. I want to, but I have to study. -I can't. I want to, but I have to study. You rat. -You rat. I really want to, but tonight's important. Test tomorrow. -It's so cool. You're by far the most sensational person in the room. In the room? -In the room? In the world. -Oh, baby, what's going on? I don't know. I'm lost. I'm scared. I feel like I'm disappearing. I'm getting old and nothing makes any sense to me. -I don't know. I'm lost. I'm scared. I feel like I'm disappearing. I'm getting old and nothing makes any sense to me. Oh, Tangerine. -Oh, Tangerine. Nothing makes any sense. Nothing makes any sense. -Come up to Boston with me? Sure. We'll go next weekend and -- -Sure. We'll go next weekend and -- Now. Now! I have to go now. I have to see the frozen Charles! Now! Tonight! -Now. Now! I have to go now. I have to see the frozen Charles! Now! Tonight! Um, okay. I'll call my study partner. -Um, okay. I'll call my study partner. Yay! It'll be great! I'll get my shit. -I'm so excited. Yay! I'm excited, too. Oh, and I wanted to give you this. It's a little... thing. -I didn't have a chance to wrap it. It's gorgeous. Just my taste. I've never gone out with a guy who brought me a piece of jewelry I liked. Thanks. So let's get going. Long drive. -What's wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with you. You're the most wonderful person I've ever met. -How are you today? Okay, I guess. -Okay, I guess. Well, why don't you tell me what's going on? Do you mind if I turn this on? -Well, I've been having a bad time of it with um, my boyfriend, I guess. You guess he's your boyfriend? Or you guess you're having a bad time with him? -You guess he's your boyfriend? Or you guess you're having a bad time with him? What? No. I don't like the term boyfriend. It's so gay. -Maybe gay isn't the right word. But, anyway, it's been rough with him... whatever the fuck he is. Heheh. My significant other... heh heh. And I guess on a certain level, I want to break it off, but I feel... y'know... it's like this constant questioning and re questioning. Do I end it? Should I give it more time? I'm not happy, but what do I expect? Relationships require work. You know the drill. The thing that I keep coming back to is, I'm not getting any younger, I want to have a baby... at some point... maybe... right? So then I think I should settle -- which is not necessarily the best word -- I mean, he's a good guy. It's not really settling. Then I think maybe I'm just a victim of movies, y'know? That I have some completely unrealistic notion of what a relationship can be. But then I think, no, this is what I really want, so I should allow myself the freedom to go out and fucking find it. You know? Agreed? But then I think he is a good guy and... It's complicated. Y'know? I think I know. I think we can help. Why don't you start by telling me about your relationship. Everything you can think of. Everything about him. Everything about you. And we'll take it from there. -I'm sorry. Why? -Why? Why what? -Why what? Why are you sorry? I just said hi. -Why are you sorry? I just said hi. No, I didn't know if you were talking to me, so... -Really? Well, I didn't want to assume. -Well, I didn't want to assume. Aw, c'mon, live dangerously. Take the leap and assume someone is talking to you in an otherwise empty car. -Aw, c'mon, live dangerously. Take the leap and assume someone is talking to you in an otherwise empty car. Anyway. Sorry. Hi. -It's okay if I sit closer? So I don't have to scream. Not that I don't need to scream sometimes, believe me. But I don't want to bug you if you're trying to write or something. No, I mean, I don't know. I can't really think of much to say probably. -No, I mean, I don't know. I can't really think of much to say probably. Oh. So... -I mean, it's okay if you want to sit down here. I didn't mean to -- No, I don't want to bug you if you're trying to -- -No, I don't want to bug you if you're trying to -- It's okay, really. -It's okay, really. Just, you know, to chat a little, maybe. I have a long trip ahead of me. How far are you going? On the train, I mean, of course. -Just, you know, to chat a little, maybe. I have a long trip ahead of me. How far are you going? On the train, I mean, of course. Rockville Center. -Rockville Center. Get out! Me too! What are the odds? -Get out! Me too! What are the odds? The weirder part is I think actually I recognize you. I thought that earlier in the diner. That's why I was looking at you. You work at Borders, right? -The weirder part is I think actually I recognize you. I thought that earlier in the diner. That's why I was looking at you. You work at Borders, right? Ucch, really? You're kidding. God. Bizarre small world, huh? Yeah, that's me: book slave there for, like, five years now. -Ucch, really? You're kidding. God. Bizarre small world, huh? Yeah, that's me: book slave there for, like, five years now. Really? Because -- -Really? Because -- Jesus, is it five years? I gotta quit right now. -Jesus, is it five years? I gotta quit right now. -- because I go there all the time. I don't think I ever saw you before. --- because I go there all the time. I don't think I ever saw you before. Well, I'm there. I hide in the back as much as is humanly possible. You have a cell phone? I need to quit right this minute. I'll call in dead. -Well, I'm there. I hide in the back as much as is humanly possible. You have a cell phone? I need to quit right this minute. I'll call in dead. I don't have one. -I don't have one. I'll go on the dole. Like my daddy before me. -I'll go on the dole. Like my daddy before me. I noticed your hair. I guess it made an impression on me, that's why I was pretty sure I recognized you. -I noticed your hair. I guess it made an impression on me, that's why I was pretty sure I recognized you. Ah, the hair. Blue, right? It's called Blue Ruin. The color. Snappy name, huh? -Ah, the hair. Blue, right? It's called Blue Ruin. The color. Snappy name, huh? I like it. -I like it. Blue ruin is cheap gin in case you were wondering. -Blue ruin is cheap gin in case you were wondering. Yeah. Tom Waits says it in -- -Yeah. Tom Waits says it in -- Exactly! Tom Waits. Which song? -Exactly! Tom Waits. Which song? I can't remember. -I can't remember. Anyway, this company makes a whole line of colors with equally snappy names. Red Menace, Yellow Fever, Green Revolution. That'd be a job, coming up with those names. How do you get a job like that? That's what I'll do. Fuck the dole. -Anyway, this company makes a whole line of colors with equally snappy names. Red Menace, Yellow Fever, Green Revolution. That'd be a job, coming up with those names. How do you get a job like that? That's what I'll do. Fuck the dole. I don't really know how -- -I don't really know how -- Purple Haze, Pink Eraser. -Purple Haze, Pink Eraser. You think that could possibly be a full time job? How many hair colors could there be? -You think that could possibly be a full time job? How many hair colors could there be? Someone's got that job. Agent Orange! I came up with that one. Anyway, there are endless color possibilities and I'd be great at it. -Someone's got that job. Agent Orange! I came up with that one. Anyway, there are endless color possibilities and I'd be great at it. I'm sure you would. -I'm sure you would. My writing career! Your hair written by Clementine Kruczynski. The Tom Waits album is Rain Dogs. -My writing career! Your hair written by Clementine Kruczynski. The Tom Waits album is Rain Dogs. You sure? That doesn't sound -- -You sure? That doesn't sound -- I think. Anyway, I've tried all their colors. More than once. I'm getting too old for this. But it keeps me from having to develop an actual personality. I apply my personality in a paste. You? -I think. Anyway, I've tried all their colors. More than once. I'm getting too old for this. But it keeps me from having to develop an actual personality. I apply my personality in a paste. You? Oh, I doubt that's the case. -Oh, I doubt that's the case. Well, you don't know me, so... you don't know, do you? -Well, you don't know me, so... you don't know, do you? Sorry. I was just trying to be nice. -Sorry. I was just trying to be nice. Yeah, I got it. -My name's Clementine, by the way. I'm Joel. -I'm Joel. No jokes about my name? Oh, you wouldn't do that; you're trying to be nice. -No jokes about my name? Oh, you wouldn't do that; you're trying to be nice. I don't know any jokes about your name. -I don't know any jokes about your name. Huckleberry Hound? -Huckleberry Hound? I don't know what that means. -I don't know what that means. Huckleberry Hound! What, are you nuts? -Huckleberry Hound! What, are you nuts? I'm not nuts. -I'm not nuts. Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine? No? -Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine? No? "Sorry. It's a pretty name, though. It means ""merciful"", right?" -"Sorry. It's a pretty name, though. It means ""merciful"", right?" Yeah. Although it hardly fits. I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told. -Yeah. Although it hardly fits. I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told. See, I wouldn't think that about you. -See, I wouldn't think that about you. Why wouldn't you think that about me? -Why wouldn't you think that about me? Oh. I don't know. I was just... I don't know. I was... You seemed nice, so -- -Oh. I don't know. I was just... I don't know. I was... You seemed nice, so -- Now I'm nice? Don't you know any other adjectives? There's careless and snotty and overbearing and argumentative... mumpish. -Now I'm nice? Don't you know any other adjectives? There's careless and snotty and overbearing and argumentative... mumpish. Well, anyway... Sorry. -I don't need nice. I don't need myself to be it and I don't need anyone else to be it at me. Okay. -Okay. Shit. Shit. I know it's here. Hold on. -Joel? It's Joel, right? Yes? -Yes? I'm sorry I... yelled at you. Was it yelling? I can't really tell. Whatever, I'm a little out of sorts today. -I'm sorry I... yelled at you. Was it yelling? I can't really tell. Whatever, I'm a little out of sorts today. That's okay. -That's okay. "My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice. Right now, anyway. I can't tell from one moment to the next what I'm going to like. But right now I'm glad you said, ""that's okay"" to me. That was nice of you." -"My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice. Right now, anyway. I can't tell from one moment to the next what I'm going to like. But right now I'm glad you said, ""that's okay"" to me. That was nice of you." It's no problem. Anyway, I have some stuff I need to -- -It's no problem. Anyway, I have some stuff I need to -- Oh, okay. Well, sure, I'll just... Take care, then. -Oh, okay. Well, sure, I'll just... Take care, then. Probably see you at the book store. -Probably see you at the book store. Unless I get that hair-color-naming job. -Hi. I could give you a ride if you need. No, that's okay. Thanks, though. -No, that's okay. Thanks, though. You're sure? It's cold. -You're sure? It's cold. I don't want to take you out of your way. -I don't want to take you out of your way. It's okay. -It's okay. Yeah? -Where do you live? You're not a stalker or anything, right? -You're not a stalker or anything, right? Well, I probably wouldn't say if I were, but no. -Well, I probably wouldn't say if I were, but no. You can't be too careful. I've been stalked. I've been told I'm highly stalkable. I don't need that. -You can't be too careful. I've been stalked. I've been told I'm highly stalkable. I don't need that. I'm not a stalker. -I'm not a stalker. You know Wilmont? -You know Wilmont? Yeah. -Yeah. Wilmont. Near the high school. -Look, I'm very sorry I came off sort of nutso. I'm not really. It's okay. I didn't think you were. -So you like bookstores, huh? I like to read. -I like to read. Me too. It is Rain Dogs, by the way. -Me too. It is Rain Dogs, by the way. Yeah? I can't remember that album very well. I remember liking it. But -- -Yeah? I can't remember that album very well. I remember liking it. But -- "The song's 9th and Hennepin. I spent most of the train ride trying to remember. ""Till you're full of rag water and bitters and blue ruin/And you spill out/Over the side to anyone who'll listen."" Remember?" -"The song's 9th and Hennepin. I spent most of the train ride trying to remember. ""Till you're full of rag water and bitters and blue ruin/And you spill out/Over the side to anyone who'll listen."" Remember?" Sort of, um... -Sort of, um... "Remember? ""And you take on the dreams of the ones who have slept there/And I'm lost in the window/I hide on the stairway/I hang in the curtain/I sleep in your hat..."" Oh, shit. I'm so stupid. Sorry." -"Remember? ""And you take on the dreams of the ones who have slept there/And I'm lost in the window/I hide on the stairway/I hang in the curtain/I sleep in your hat..."" Oh, shit. I'm so stupid. Sorry." What? -What? "I'm just a bit of a wreck. ""I sleep in your hat"" makes me cry. Me." -Thanks very much. That was very nice of you. Well, I wouldn't want to be -- -Well, I wouldn't want to be -- Oh, geez, I'm full of shit. I already told you that. Anyway. See Ya. -Take care. Hey, do you want to have a drink? I have lots of drinks. And I could -- -Hey, do you want to have a drink? I have lots of drinks. And I could -- Um -- -Um -- Never mind. Sorry, that was stupid. I'm embarrassed. Good night, Joel. -You like that? Very much. -Very much. This... someone gave that to me, just like, recently. I like it, too. I like crows. I think I used to be a crow. -Thanks. That was good, that crow sound. Do you believe in that stuff? Reincarnation? -Do you believe in that stuff? Reincarnation? I don't know. -I don't know. Me neither. Oh, there's an inscription on the back. The way a crow/Shook down on me/The dust of snow/From a hemlock tree/Has given my heart/A change of mood/And saved some part/Of a day I rued. -Me neither. Oh, there's an inscription on the back. The way a crow/Shook down on me/The dust of snow/From a hemlock tree/Has given my heart/A change of mood/And saved some part/Of a day I rued. Frost? -Frost? Yeah. I'm not, like, a Robert Frost lover by any stretch. His stuff seems strictly grade school to me. But this made me cry for some reason. Maybe because it is grade school. Y'know? -Yeah. I'm not, like, a Robert Frost lover by any stretch. His stuff seems strictly grade school to me. But this made me cry for some reason. Maybe because it is grade school. Y'know? It's pretty. -It's pretty. I miss grade school. I don't know why I'm calling it grade school all of a sudden. When I went we called it elementary school. But I like grade school better. Sounds like something someone from the forties would call it. I'd like to be from then. Everyone wore hats. Anyway, cheers! -I miss grade school. I don't know why I'm calling it grade school all of a sudden. When I went we called it elementary school. But I like grade school better. Sounds like something someone from the forties would call it. I'd like to be from then. Everyone wore hats. Anyway, cheers! Cheers. -God, that feels so fucking good. Take yours off. I'm fine. -I'm fine. Yeah? Well, have a seat, anyway. -Ready for another? No, I'm okay for now. -What do you want to hear? You pick it. -You pick it. You just say. I'm not really -- -You just say. I'm not really -- I don't know! I can't see them from here, Joel! Just pick something good. -Well, I should probably get going. No, stay. Just for a little while. Refill? -No, stay. Just for a little while. Refill? No. I -- -No. I -- I know a man who needs a refill. -Thanks. Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant. -Y'know, I'm sort of psychic. Yeah? -Yeah? Well, I go to a psychic and she's always telling me I'm psychic. She should know. Do you believe in that stuff? -Well, I go to a psychic and she's always telling me I'm psychic. She should know. Do you believe in that stuff? I don't know. -I don't know. Me neither. But sometimes I have premonitions, so, I don't know. Maybe that's just coincidence. Right? Y'know, you think something and then it happens, or you think a word and then someone says it? Y'know? -Me neither. But sometimes I have premonitions, so, I don't know. Maybe that's just coincidence. Right? Y'know, you think something and then it happens, or you think a word and then someone says it? Y'know? Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to know. -Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to know. Exactly. Exactly! That's exactly my feeling about it. It's hard to know. Like, okay, but how many times do I think something and it doesn't happen? That's what you're saying, right? You forget about those times. Right? -Exactly. Exactly! That's exactly my feeling about it. It's hard to know. Like, okay, but how many times do I think something and it doesn't happen? That's what you're saying, right? You forget about those times. Right? Yeah, I guess. -Yeah, I guess. But I think I am. I like to think I am. -But I think I am. I like to think I am. It's helpful to think there's some order to things. You're kind of closed mouthed, aren't you? -It's helpful to think there's some order to things. You're kind of closed mouthed, aren't you? Sorry. My life isn't that interesting. I go to work. I go home. I don't know what to say. -Sorry. My life isn't that interesting. I go to work. I go home. I don't know what to say. Oh. Does that make you sad? Or anxious? I'm always anxious thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest, y'know? Taking advantage of every possibility? Just making sure that I'm not wasting one second of the little time I have. -Oh. Does that make you sad? Or anxious? I'm always anxious thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest, y'know? Taking advantage of every possibility? Just making sure that I'm not wasting one second of the little time I have. I think about that. -You're really nice. I'm sorry I yelled at you before about it. God, I'm an idiot. I do have a tendency to use that word too much. -I do have a tendency to use that word too much. I like you. That's the thing about my psychic thing. I think that's my greatest psychic power, that I get a sense about people. My problem is I never trust it. But I get it. And with you I get that you're a really good guy. -I like you. That's the thing about my psychic thing. I think that's my greatest psychic power, that I get a sense about people. My problem is I never trust it. But I get it. And with you I get that you're a really good guy. Thanks. -Thanks. And, anyway, you sell yourself short. I can tell. There's a lot of stuff going on in your brain. I can tell. My goal... can I tell you my goal? -And, anyway, you sell yourself short. I can tell. There's a lot of stuff going on in your brain. I can tell. My goal... can I tell you my goal? Yeah. -Yeah. What's the goal, Joel? My goal, Joel, is to just let it flow through me? Do you know what I mean? It's like, there's all these emotions and ideas and they come quick and they change and they leave and they come back in a different form and I think we're all taught we should be consistent. Y'know? You love someone -- that's it. Forever. You choose to do something with your life -- that's it, that's what you do. It's a sign of maturity to stick with that and see things through. And my feeling is that's how you die, because you stop listening to what is true, and what is true is constantly changing. You know? -What's the goal, Joel? My goal, Joel, is to just let it flow through me? Do you know what I mean? It's like, there's all these emotions and ideas and they come quick and they change and they leave and they come back in a different form and I think we're all taught we should be consistent. Y'know? You love someone -- that's it. Forever. You choose to do something with your life -- that's it, that's what you do. It's a sign of maturity to stick with that and see things through. And my feeling is that's how you die, because you stop listening to what is true, and what is true is constantly changing. You know? Yeah. I think so. It's hard to -- -Yeah. I think so. It's hard to -- Like I wanted to talk to you. I didn't need any more reason to do it. Who knows what bigger cosmic reason might exist? -Like I wanted to talk to you. I didn't need any more reason to do it. Who knows what bigger cosmic reason might exist? Yeah. -Yeah. You're very nice. God, I have to stop saying that. You're nervous around me, huh? -You're very nice. God, I have to stop saying that. You're nervous around me, huh? No. -No. I'm nervous. You don't need to be nervous around me, though. I like you. Do you think I'm repulsively fat? -I'm nervous. You don't need to be nervous around me, though. I like you. Do you think I'm repulsively fat? No, not at all. -No, not at all. I don't either. I used to. But I'm through with that. Y'know, if I don't love my body, then I'm just lost. You know? With all the wrinkles and scars and the general falling apart that's coming 'round the bend. So, I've been seeing this guy... -Well, for the last week, anyway! He's kind of a kid. Kind of a goofball, but he's really stuck on me, which is flattering. Who wouldn't like that? And he's, like, a dope, but he says these smart and moving things sometimes, out of nowhere, that just break my heart. He's the one who gave me that crow photograph. Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. That made me cry. But, anyway, we went up to Boston, because I had this urge to lie on my back on the Charles River. It gets frozen this time of year. -That made me cry. But, anyway, we went up to Boston, because I had this urge to lie on my back on the Charles River. It gets frozen this time of year. That's scary sounding. -That's scary sounding. Exactly! I used to do it in college and I had this urge to go do it again, so I got Patrick and we drove all night to get there and he was sweet and said nice things to me, but I was really disappointment to be there with him. Y'know? And that's where psychic stuff comes in. Like, it just isn't right with him. Y'know? -Exactly! I used to do it in college and I had this urge to go do it again, so I got Patrick and we drove all night to get there and he was sweet and said nice things to me, but I was really disappointment to be there with him. Y'know? And that's where psychic stuff comes in. Like, it just isn't right with him. Y'know? I think so. -I think so. I don't believe in that soulmate crap anymore, but... he says so many great things. We like the same writers. This writer Stephen Dixon he turned me on to. And he's cute. It's fucked up. Joel, you should come up to the Charles with me sometime. -I don't believe in that soulmate crap anymore, but... he says so many great things. We like the same writers. This writer Stephen Dixon he turned me on to. And he's cute. It's fucked up. Joel, you should come up to the Charles with me sometime. Okay. -Okay. Yeah? Oh, great! -I'll pack a picnic -- a night picnic -- night picnics are different -- and -- Sounds good. But right now I should go. -Sounds good. But right now I should go. You should stay. -You should stay. I have to get up early in the morning tomorrow, so... -I have to get up early in the morning tomorrow, so... Okay. -I would like you to call me. Would you do that? I would like that. Yes. -So, I enjoyed meeting you. You'll call me, right? -You'll call me, right? Yeah. -Yeah. When? -When? Tomorrow? -Tomorrow? Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines and all. -Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines and all. Okay. -How could she have done this to me? How could anyone do this to anyone? You didn't say anything about my hair. -Yo ho ho! It's three. -I can't believe you wrecked my car. You're driving drunk. It's pathetic. ...a little. I was a little tipsy. Don't call me pathetic. -...a little. I was a little tipsy. Don't call me pathetic. Well it is pathetic. And fucking irresponsible. You could've killed somebody. -I don't know, maybe you did kill somebody. Oh Christ I didn't kill anybody. It's just a fucking dent. You're like some old lady or something. -A wino? Jesus, Are you from the fifties? A wino! Face it, Joel. You're freaked out because I was out late without you, and in your little wormy brain, you're trying to figure out, did she fuck someone tonight? No, see, Clem, I assume you fucked someone tonight. Isn't that how you get people to like you? -Let me drive you home. Fuck you, Joel. Faggot. -Fuck you, Joel. Faggot. Look at it out here. It's falling apart. I'm erasing you. And I'm happy. -How can you watch this crap? Where are you going? -Where are you going? I'm fucking crawling out of my skin. -Oh shit. I remember this. Want to go? I want to have a baby. -I want to have a baby. Let's talk about it later. -Let's talk about it later. No. I want to have a baby. I have to have a baby. -No. I want to have a baby. I have to have a baby. I don't think we're ready. -I don't think we're ready. You're not ready. -You're not ready. Clementine, do you really think you could take care of a kid? -What?! I don't want to talk about this here. -I don't want to talk about this here. Joel, We're fucking gonna talk about it! -You can't fucking say something like that and say you don't want to talk about it! Clem, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have -- -Clem, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have -- I'd make a fucking good mother! I love children! I'm creative and smart and I'd make a fucking good mother! -Oh, thank God. It's going. It's you! It's you who can't commit to anything! You have no idea how lucky you are I'm interested in you! I don't even know why I am! I should just end it right here, Joel. Leave you in the zoo. Maybe you could find a nice sloth to hang out with! -So, um -- Would you get me another, Joely? -You're drunk. You're a whiz kid. So perceptive, so -- -You don't tell me things, Joel. I'm an open book. I tell you everything. Every damn embarrassing thing. You don't trust me. No, it isn't that. -No, it isn't that. I want to know you. -I want to know you. I just don't have anything very interesting about my life. -I just don't have anything very interesting about my life. Joel, you're a liar. -More? No. Thanks. -Joely... Yeah, Tangerine? -Yeah, Tangerine? Do you know The Velveteen Rabbit? -Do you know The Velveteen Rabbit? No. -No. "It's my favorite book. Since I was a kid. It's about these toys. There's this part where the skin Horse tells the rabbit what it means to be real. I can't believe I'm crying already. He says, ""It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.""" -Such a beautiful view. Yes indeed. Fuck! They're erasing you, Clem! -Yes indeed. Fuck! They're erasing you, Clem! Oh? -Oh? I hired them to. We're in my brain. But I want it to stop, before I wake up and don't know you anymore. -I hired them to. We're in my brain. But I want it to stop, before I wake up and don't know you anymore. Wow. Um, well... can't you just force yourself awake? -Wow. Um, well... can't you just force yourself awake? I don't know. -What if you hide me? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Well... if they're looking for me in memories I'm in, what if you take me to a memory I'm not in? And we can hide there till morning. -I want my mommy. I don't want to lose you, Clem. I'm right here. -I'm right here. I'm scared. I want my mommy. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose... -I'm scared. I want my mommy. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose... Joel, Joely, look... it's not fading. The memory. I think we're hidden. -You know, we're okay. They're not finding us. You'll remember me in the morning. And you'll come to me and tell me about us and we'll start over. I loved you so much this day. On my bed in your panties. I remember I thought, how impossibly lucky am I to have you on my bed in your panties. -You remember what happened next? I came over to the bed and you smelled so good, like you just woke up, slightly sweaty. And I climbed on the bed with you and you said something like -- -I came over to the bed and you smelled so good, like you just woke up, slightly sweaty. And I climbed on the bed with you and you said something like -- -- another rainy day. Whatever shall we do? -There's this guy! What? -What? There's this guy. I heard him talking in my apartment. He's one of the eraser guys. And he fell for you when they were erasing you, so he introduced himself the next day as if he were a stranger and now you're dating him. -There's this guy. I heard him talking in my apartment. He's one of the eraser guys. And he fell for you when they were erasing you, so he introduced himself the next day as if he were a stranger and now you're dating him. Really? Is he cute? -Really? Is he cute? He stole a pair of your panties while you were being erased! -He stole a pair of your panties while you were being erased! Gross! You must remember to tell me this in the morning. I'm, like, so freaked out now. -But can't you see... I love you, Antoine. Don't call me Antoine. My name is Wally. -Don't call me Antoine. My name is Wally. Yes, but I can't love a man named Wally. -They found us before. The plan didn't work. I don't know what to do now. Hide me somewhere deeper? Somewhere buried? -Look at you, cutey! What are we doing? This kid, Joe Early, is going to beat the shit out of me. -Joel! I don't like it either, but I'm just trying to find horrible secret place to -- -Happy Birthday. Thanks, Joely. A present! Oh boy! -I scoured the city for it. I love it! -I'm done, Clem. I'm just going to ride it out. Hiding is clearly not working. Yeah. -Yeah. I want to enjoy my little time left with you. -I want to enjoy my little time left with you. "This is our first ""date"" date." -"This is our first ""date"" date." Do you remember what we talked about? -Do you remember what we talked about? Naomi, I guess. -Naomi, I guess. Yeah. -Yeah. What was I wearing? -What was I wearing? God, I should know. Your hair was red. I remember it matched the wallpaper. -God, I should know. Your hair was red. I remember it matched the wallpaper. Egad, were you horrified? -Egad, were you horrified? No! I think you were wearing that black dress, y'know, with the buttons. -Right. Something black though. I'll buy that. Black's always good. -I'll buy that. Black's always good. We did talk about Naomi. -We did talk about Naomi. I said: Are you sure? You seem unsure. -I said: Are you sure? You seem unsure. I'm sure, I said. -I'm sure, I said. But you weren't. I could tell. -But you weren't. I could tell. I was so nervous. I remember I couldn't think of anything to say. There were long silences. -I thought I was foolish. I thought I'd mistaken infatuation for love. You said: So what. Infatuation is good, too. -So what. Infatuation is good, too. And I didn't have an argument. -I dropped you off after. You said -- Come up and see me... now. -Come up and see me... now. It's very late. -It's very late. Yes, exactly. Exactly my point. -I told her today I need to end it. Is that what you want? -Is that what you want? I did it. I guess that means something. -I didn't think you'd show your face around me again. I figured you were humiliated. You did run away, after all. Sorry to track you down like this. I'm not a stalker. But I needed to see you. -Sorry to track you down like this. I'm not a stalker. But I needed to see you. Yeah? -Yeah? I'd like to... take you out or something. -I'd like to... take you out or something. Well, you're married. -Well, you're married. Not yet. Not married. -Not yet. Not married. Look, man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high maintenance. So I'm not going to tiptoe around your marriage or whatever it is you got going there. If you want to be with me, you're with me. -Look, man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high maintenance. So I'm not going to tiptoe around your marriage or whatever it is you got going there. If you want to be with me, you're with me. Okay. -Okay. So make your domestic decisions and maybe we'll talk again. -Joel, I'm not a concept. I want you to just keep that in your head. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked-up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours. I remember that speech really well. -I remember that speech really well. I had you pegged, didn't I? -I had you pegged, didn't I? You had the whole human race pegged. -You had the whole human race pegged. Probably. -Probably. I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that. -I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that. I know. -I know. It would be different, if we could just give it another go around. -It would be different, if we could just give it another go around. Remember me. Try your best. Maybe we can. -Hi there. Hi. -You said... I saw you sitting over here. By yourself. I thought, thank God, someone normal, who doesn't know how interact at these things either. -I saw you sitting over here. By yourself. I thought, thank God, someone normal, who doesn't know how interact at these things either. Yeah. I don't ever know what to say. -Yeah. I don't ever know what to say. I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. I mean, I don't mean I'm happy you're uncomfortable, but, yknow... I'm such a loser. Every time I come to a party I tell myself I'm going to be different and it's always exactly the same and then I hate myself after for being such a clod. -I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. I mean, I don't mean I'm happy you're uncomfortable, but, yknow... I'm such a loser. Every time I come to a party I tell myself I'm going to be different and it's always exactly the same and then I hate myself after for being such a clod. Even then I didn't believe you entirely. I thought how could you be talking to me if you couldn't talk to people? -You know what I did. Yeah, I know. I'm fishing. -Yeah, I know. I'm fishing. You said -- -I'm Clementine. Can I borrow a piece of your chicken? And you picked it out of my plate before I could answer and it felt so intimate like we were already lovers. -Oh God, how horrid. I'm Joel. -You mean, like... Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', Clementine... ? Huckleberry Hound? That sort of thing? Yeah, like that. -Yeah, like that. Nope. No jokes. My favorite thing when I was a kid was my Huckleberry Hound doll. I think your name is magic. -This is it, Joel. It's gonna be gone soon. I know. -I know. What do we do? -What do we do? Enjoy it. Say good-bye. -No, I stopped. I didn't want to feel like I was being artificially modulated. I know what you mean. That's why I stopped. -I know what you mean. That's why I stopped. But my sleeping is really fucked up. -But my sleeping is really fucked up. I don't think I've slept in a year. -I don't think I've slept in a year. You should try Xanax. I mean, it's a chemical and all, but it works... and it works just having it around, knowing that it's there. Like insurance. -You should try Xanax. I mean, it's a chemical and all, but it works... and it works just having it around, knowing that it's there. Like insurance. yeah? -yeah? I'll give you a couple. See what you think. -I'll give you a couple. See what you think. Okay. -Okay. Have you ever read any Anna Akhmatova? -Have you ever read any Anna Akhmatova? I love her. -I love her. Really? Me, too! I don't meet people who even know who she is and I work in a book store. -Really? Me, too! I don't meet people who even know who she is and I work in a book store. I think she's great. -I think she's great. Me too. There's this poem -- -Me too. There's this poem -- Did this conversation come before or after we saw the house? -Did this conversation come before or after we saw the house? I think, before. -I think, before. Seems too coincidental that way. -Seems too coincidental that way. Yeah, maybe. -"Do you know her poem that starts ""Seaside gusts of wind,/And a house in which we don't live..." "Yeah, yeah. It goes ""Perhaps there is someone in this world to whom I could send all these lines""?" -"Yeah, yeah. It goes ""Perhaps there is someone in this world to whom I could send all these lines""?" Yes! I love that poem. It breaks my heart. I'm so excited you know it. Look, houses in which we don't live. -I wish we did. You married? Um, no. -Um, no. Let's move into this neighborhood. -I do sort of live with somebody though. Oh. -Male or female? Female. -Female. At least I haven't been barking up the wrong tree. -Cool. What are you doing? -What are you doing? It's freezing out here. -C'mon, man. The water's fine. Nobody's coming here tonight, believe me. This place is closed up. Electricity's off. I hesitated for what seemed like forever. -I hesitated for what seemed like forever. I could see you wanted to come in, Joel. -I knew. I knew by your nervousness that Naomi wasn't the kind of girl who forced you to criminally trespass. -I knew by your nervousness that Naomi wasn't the kind of girl who forced you to criminally trespass. It's dark. -It's dark. Yeah. What's your girlfriend's name? -Yeah. What's your girlfriend's name? Naomi. -Ah-ha! Now I can look for candles, matches, and the liquor cabinet. I think we should go. -I think we should go. No, it's our house! Just tonight -- -- we're David and Ruth Laskin. Which one do you want to be? I prefer to be Ruth but I'm flexible. Alcohol! You make drinks. I'm going find the bedroom and slip into something more Ruth. I'm ruthless at the moment. -So go. "I did. I walked out the door. I felt like I was a scared little kid. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation. You said, ""so go"" with such disdain." -"I did. I walked out the door. I felt like I was a scared little kid. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation. You said, ""so go"" with such disdain." What if you stay this time? -What if you stay this time? I walked out the door. There's no more memory. -I walked out the door. There's no more memory. Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one. -Bye, Joel. I love you. -So you'll call me, right? Yeah. -Yeah. When? -When? Tomorrow? -Tomorrow? Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines. -Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines. Yeah. -Don't worry. It's really solid this time of year. I don't know. -I don't know. What if it breaks? What if? -I think I should go back. Joel, come here. Please. -Listen, did you want to make love? Make love? -Make love? Have sex. Y'know -- -Have sex. Y'know -- Oh, um... -Oh, um... Because I just am not drunk enough or stoned enough to make that happen right now. -Because I just am not drunk enough or stoned enough to make that happen right now. That's okay. I -- -That's okay. I -- I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that. This seems like the perfect romantic exotic place to do it and -- -I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that. This seems like the perfect romantic exotic place to do it and -- Hey, Joel -- -Hey, Joel -- -- and I'm just too nervous around you right now. --- and I'm just too nervous around you right now. I'm nervous, too. -I'm nervous, too. Yeah? I wouldn't have thought that. -Yeah? I wouldn't have thought that. Well, you obviously don't know me. -Well, you obviously don't know me. I'm nervous because I have and enormous crush on you. -Says you were closed off, non communicative, never told me what you were feeling. Says you were a bully... -Says you were a bully... A bully? Moi? -A bully? Moi? That's what it says. You drank too much, you picked on me for being passive and timid. -That's what it says. You drank too much, you picked on me for being passive and timid. Well, sounds like me. Sorry, man. Says you were jealous and suspicious. -Well, sounds like me. Sorry, man. Says you were jealous and suspicious. Says you would sometimes disappear all night, then brag to me about your sexual conquests. -Says you would sometimes disappear all night, then brag to me about your sexual conquests. "Did I use the term ""sexual conquests"" or is that your way of putting it." -"Did I use the term ""sexual conquests"" or is that your way of putting it." I don't know. -I don't know. Doesn't sound like me. -Doesn't sound like me. Says you were a slob, leaving trails of panties and dirty socks in your wake. -Says you were a slob, leaving trails of panties and dirty socks in your wake. Says you were constantly calling me a slob. It's sexy that we were like a married couple, griping and overly-familiar and bored. Don't you think? -Says you were constantly calling me a slob. It's sexy that we were like a married couple, griping and overly-familiar and bored. Don't you think? I sort of do. But I only see it as a fantasy version of reality. Cleaned up enough to be erotic. -I sort of do. But I only see it as a fantasy version of reality. Cleaned up enough to be erotic. We should have sex. It's old hat for us. -"You're still excited by my irreverence. You haven't yet started to think of it as my ""gratuitous need to shock.""" I can't stop thinking about you. -I can't stop thinking about you. Yay. Meet me after work by the old mill. -Yay. Meet me after work by the old mill. What old mill? Is that somewhere we -- -What old mill? Is that somewhere we -- I just wanted to say that. Come by my house. -What took you so long? I just walked in. -I just walked in. Hmmm. Do you miss me? -Hmmm. Do you miss me? Oddly enough, I do. -Oddly enough, I do. Ha Ha! You said, I do. I guess that means we're married. -Ha Ha! You said, I do. I guess that means we're married. I guess so. -I guess so. Tomorrow night... honeymoon on ice. -Yeah? Did you send this? Is it a joke? -Did you send this? Is it a joke? I probably got the same thing as you. -I probably got the same thing as you. I mean, I haven't even told anyone I've met you. Who would even know to do this? -I mean, I haven't even told anyone I've met you. Who would even know to do this? Maybe it's true then. It's my voice on the tape. -Maybe it's true then. It's my voice on the tape. That's what you have to say? How could it be true? I never even heard of any procedure like this. It's a joke. -It's true. I know. I spoke to my friend Magda. -Look, I have to go. I have to think. Joel, we've fucked. We've made love. Like a million times. And we were so sweet and shy and inept with each other last night. Isn't that lovely? -Hi, it's Joel. Hey, lover. Whatcha doing? -Hey, lover. Whatcha doing? I'm just, y'know, passing the time best I can till I can see you. -I'm just, y'know, passing the time best I can till I can see you. God, I can't believe I ever hated you. -God, I can't believe I ever hated you. You must have been crazy. -You must have been crazy. Guess what I'm wearing. -Guess what I'm wearing. I don't know. Panties and -- -I don't know. Panties and -- Your dried cum. -Your dried cum. Jesus. -Hi, Naomi, it's Joel. Hi. -Hi. How's it going? -How's it going? Good. I called you at work today. They said you were home sick. -Good. I called you at work today. They said you were home sick. I know. I had to take the day to think. -I know. I had to take the day to think. Yeah, I tried you at home. Did you get my message? -Yeah, I tried you at home. Did you get my message? I just got in. -I just got in. Long day thinking. -That's me. There you are. Naomi, it's just... I'm afraid if we fall back into this fast without considering the problems we had... -It was snowing. There are two of them. Couldn't make them out. The orange glow of a cigarette. -The driver waved. So casual, friendly. I'm like a joke to them. -I might be making a mistake. Maybe I'm making a mistake. Maybe I just need to learn to live with this. First of all, I'll get over it. Secondly, it happened. Those who do not remember history are condemned to repeat it. Who said that? Churchill? I'm not sure. But I don't care. She did it to me. I have to rid myself of this. Fuck her. -Maybe I'm making a mistake. Maybe I just need to learn to live with this. First of all, I'll get over it. Secondly, it happened. Those who do not remember history are condemned to repeat it. Who said that? Churchill? I'm not sure. But I don't care. She did it to me. I have to rid myself of this. Fuck her. Fuck you, Clementine. -Pink. There was a number on it. I remember. AL 1718? I have to follow through with this. I have no choice. The pill was pink, I remember. It had some letters and numbers on it. What were they? AL 1718? AL something. Four digits. I don't like taking pills when I don't know what they are. I have no choice. -It's them. It's too late. -I should maybe talk to you. Clementine. I should just maybe talk to her. -I love you and if you knew that... if I told you what happened... I'll explain everything, what we meant to each other. I'll tell you everything about our time together. You'll know everything again and... Maybe if I just explain what happened, I wouldn't have to go through this and I could tell you everything and it would be like you knew and we could rebuild and we could be happy again and... -Clementine. That's your look for me. -Gotta get home. How could she do this to me? How could she not care about what we meant to each other. What a fuck! What a fucking monster she is! Oh, God. I miss her. I can't believe she's with that guy now! I'm never going to see her again. I love her so much. What a fucking monster she is! -So then she just stops calling. I wasn't going to call her. Not after the way she was. -I wasn't going to call her. Not after the way she was. Any messages, Carmen? -Right! She called me an old lady here, too! And I remember, I said... And what are you like? A wino? -How's the chicken? Is that like us? Are we just bored with each other? -She's so sexy. I loved you on this day. I love this memory. The rain. Us just hanging. -I can't. I have to go home. I'll do it later. I didn't want to do this. But I had to or they would've called me a girl. -Naomi. On the couch. Dark. Quiet. I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake. I almost reached for the phone about a thousand times. I thought I could take it back, erase it, explain I had momentarily lost my mind. Then I told myself we weren't happy. That was the truth. That what we were was safe. It was unfair to you and to me to stay in a relationship for that reason. I thought about Clementine and the spark when I was with her, but then I thought what you and I had was real and adult and therefore significant even if it wasn't much fun. But I wanted fun. I saw other people having fun and I wanted it. Then I thought fun is a lie, that no one is really having fun; I'm being suckered by advertising and movie bullshit... then I thought maybe not, maybe not. And then I thought, as I always do at this point in my argument, about dying. -Okay. I wish you could come. This is it. The night we met. My God, it's over. -Your back to me. In that orange sweatshirt I would come to know so well and even hate eventually. At the time I thought, how cool, an orange sweatshirt. I remember being drawn to you even then. I thought, I love this woman because she's alone down there looking out at the black ocean. -I remember being drawn to you even then. I thought, I love this woman because she's alone down there looking out at the black ocean. But I went back to my food. The next thing I remember, I felt someone sitting next to me and I saw the orange sleeve out of the corner of my eye. -So you're still on the Zoloft? Next thing I remember we were walking down near the surf. -Clementine. I couldn't believe you did that. I was paralyzed with fear. -I really should go. I really need to catch my ride. I didn't want to go. I was too nervous. I thought, maybe you were a nut. But you were exciting. You called from upstairs. -We'll start with your most recent memories and go backwards -- There is an emotional core to each of our memories -- As we eradicate this core, it starts its degradation process -- By the time you wake up in the morning, all memories we've targeted will have withered and disappeared. Like a dream upon waking. Is there any sort of risk of brain damage? -Is there any sort of risk of brain damage? Well, technically, the procedure itself is brain damage, but on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss. -I'm sorry you saw one of our notification cards. You never should have. Well... I did. -Well... I did. We can help you through this. Why don't you start now by telling me everything you can remember about your relationship with Clementine. -We can help you through this. Why don't you start now by telling me everything you can remember about your relationship with Clementine. It was a mess. I don't know how it got this way... -We can help you through this. Why don't you start now by telling me everything you can remember about -- You have to stop this! -You have to stop this! What? What do you mean? -What? What do you mean? I'm trapped in my head and everything I love is being erased! Stop it now! -I'm trapped in my head and everything I love is being erased! Stop it now! Yes, but... I'm just something you're imagining. What can I do? I'm in your head, too. -Yours? You take it. I don't know. -Naomi, I really value our relationship. I hope it's possible for us to stay in touch. Don't do this to me now, Joel. Really. -So what's going on, Joel? I don't know, I've just been thinking, maybe we're not happy with each other. -I don't know, I've just been thinking, maybe we're not happy with each other. What? -What? Y'know, we've been, I don't know, sort of, unhappy with each other and -- -Y'know, we've been, I don't know, sort of, unhappy with each other and -- "Don't say ""we"" when you mean ""you.""" -"Don't say ""we"" when you mean ""you.""" I think maybe, we're both so used to operating at this level that -- How can one person be unhappy? If one person is unhappy, both have to be... by definition. -I think maybe, we're both so used to operating at this level that -- How can one person be unhappy? If one person is unhappy, both have to be... by definition. Bullshit. Who is it? You met someone. -Bullshit. Who is it? You met someone. No. I just need some space, maybe. -No. I just need some space, maybe. The thing is, Joel, whatever it is you think you have with this chick, once the thrill wears off, you're just going to be Joel with the same fucking problems. -The thing is, Joel, whatever it is you think you have with this chick, once the thrill wears off, you're just going to be Joel with the same fucking problems. It's not somebody else. -Hi. Hi. -Hi. How was it? -How was it? You didn't miss much. Rob and Carrie say hello. -You didn't miss much. Rob and Carrie say hello. Hi, Rob and Carrie. -Hi, Rob and Carrie. Go back to sleep. -Yeah. Come to bed. I'm cold. In a minute. -So you don't mind? I've got to finish this chapter anyway. -Say hi to Rob and Carrie. Have some fun! I hope you get your work done. -I hope you get your work done. Yeah. -So... you haven't been involved with anyone in all this time? It's been a pretty lonely couple of years. -It's been a pretty lonely couple of years. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Well, it was my fault -- the break- up. I'm sorry. -Well, it was my fault -- the break- up. I'm sorry. Oh, sweetie. It really does cut both ways. We were taking each other for granted and -- -Oh, sweetie. It really does cut both ways. We were taking each other for granted and -- I miss you. -I miss you. Miss you, too. I have been seeing someone for a little while. -Miss you, too. I have been seeing someone for a little while. Oh! Great. That's great! -Oh! Great. That's great! A religion instructor at Columbia. A good guy. He's a good guy. -A religion instructor at Columbia. A good guy. He's a good guy. I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have -- -I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have -- I'm glad you called. -So you think the dissertation will get published? I don't know. I'm not sure there's a big public demand for books on Calvinism and Misogyny. -Okay, Joel. I suppose you're right. I had a good time last night. I really did. -I had a good time last night. I really did. So I'm going to get some sleep. I'm glad you're okay. -So I'm going to get some sleep. I'm glad you're okay. We'll speak soon. -We'll speak soon. 'Night. -Oh, hey, Patrick. Hi, Mary. How's it going? -Oh, Patrick, you didn't want any, did you? Nah, I don't know. -I love quotes. So did Winston Churchill. He actually has a quotation in Bartlett's about Bartlett's. Isn't that trippy? Yeah. Cool. -Yeah. Cool. """The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts.""" -"""The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts.""" Very cool. Trippy. -Very cool. Trippy. I like to read what smart people say. So many beautiful, important things. -Definitely! I think he'll be in Bartlett's one day. -Boo. Hi. -Stan... c'mon... Sorry. I just -- -Sorry. I just -- It's just... y'know... I mean... -It's just... y'know... I mean... I know. Anyway -- -I know. Anyway -- Anyway, I've got to do my tap dance here. -See you later, alligator. 'kay. -'kay. Hey, if you're ordering lunch for Mierzwiak, would you -- -Hey, if you're ordering lunch for Mierzwiak, would you -- I better do this, Stan. -It's freezing out. You found us okay? -You found us okay? Yeah. Poor guy. Have anything to drink? -Yeah. Poor guy. Have anything to drink? We haven't checked. -We haven't checked. Well, allow me to do the honors. It's fucking freezing and I need something. -Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil. Found it my Bartletts. That's a good one. -That's a good one. Yeah, I can't wait to tell Howard! It seems really appropriate. -Yeah, I can't wait to tell Howard! It seems really appropriate. It's a good one all right. -Yup. Don't you think Howard's like that? Smart? Important? -Don't you think Howard's like that? Smart? Important? Yup. -Let him go, Stan. I can help. Go. -It's amazing, isn't it? Such a gift Howard gave the world. Yeah. -Yeah. To let people begin again. It's beautiful. You look at a baby and it's so fresh, so clean, so free. And adults... they're like this messy tangle of anger and phobias and sadness... hopelessness. And Howard just makes it go away. -To let people begin again. It's beautiful. You look at a baby and it's so fresh, so clean, so free. And adults... they're like this messy tangle of anger and phobias and sadness... hopelessness. And Howard just makes it go away. You love him, don't you? -It's stopped. What? -What? Listen, it's not erasing. -It's not erasing. He's off the screen. Where? -Where? I don't know. He's not on the map. -I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do! Crap. Crap... Well, what should we do? -Well, what should we do? I don't know! I just said that! -I don't know! I just said that! Sor-ry We have to do something. He can't wake up half done. -Sor-ry We have to do something. He can't wake up half done. Shit! -No way. I can handle this. This guy's only half cooked. There's no time to fuck around, Stan. -He's coming? You better go. -You better go. Hell no. -Hey. Do you swear you didn't know? -Do you swear you didn't know? I swear. -I swear. And you never even suspected? Never saw us behaving in any unusual way together? -And you never even suspected? Never saw us behaving in any unusual way together? Once, maybe. -It was here. At his car. I was coming back from a job and spotted you together. You seemed caught. I waved. You giggled. How did I look? -How did I look? Happy. Happy with a secret. -And after that? I never saw you together like that again. So I figured I was imagining things. -I really like you, Mary. You know that. Do you remember anything else? What I was wearing? Was I standing close to him? Was I leaning against his car like I owned it? How did he look at me when I giggled? Tell me everything. -Do you remember anything else? What I was wearing? Was I standing close to him? Was I leaning against his car like I owned it? How did he look at me when I giggled? Tell me everything. You were in red. That red sweater with the little flowers, I think. You were leaning against his car. He looked a little like a kid. Kind of goofy and wide-eyed. I'd never seen him look like that before. Happy. You looked beautiful. You looked in love. -You were in red. That red sweater with the little flowers, I think. You were leaning against his car. He looked a little like a kid. Kind of goofy and wide-eyed. I'd never seen him look like that before. Happy. You looked beautiful. You looked in love. Thanks, Stan. -Oh. Hi. -Hi. What do you want, Stan? -What do you want, Stan? Can I... I brought some -- -What's this? Nothing. -Nothing. I know what it is. -I know what it is. Then why did you ask me? -Then why did you ask me? I don't know. I just -- there are a lot of really confused people showing up at the office. -I don't know. I just -- there are a lot of really confused people showing up at the office. They have a right to know. Howard is a thief. He steals the truth. I can't remember my baby! I can't remember my baby. It existed and I can't even remember. Do you understand that? -Mary, people come to him voluntarily. I won't allow it. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. What do you think of that? That's from my quote book. -I won't allow it. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. What do you think of that? That's from my quote book. The office is filled with people who want their memories re-erased. -The office is filled with people who want their memories re-erased. Remember the Alamo! Remember the Alamo! -Remember the Alamo! Remember the Alamo! Mary... please. This is hurting people. -Howard, your one o'clock. Thanks, Mary. You can bring her in. -Mary... Yes? -Yes? Order me a pastrami for after? -Order me a pastrami for after? Cole slaw, ice tea? -Cole slaw, ice tea? Thanks. -Thanks. Welcome, Howard. -Okay, we're back in. That was beautiful to watch, Howard. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist. -That was beautiful to watch, Howard. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist. Well, thank you, Mary. -Do you like quotes, Howard? How do you mean? -How do you mean? Oh, um, like famous quotes. I find reading them inspirational to me. And in my reading I've come across some I thought you might like, too. -Oh, um, like famous quotes. I find reading them inspirational to me. And in my reading I've come across some I thought you might like, too. Oh. Well, I'd love to hear some. -"Okay, um, there's one that goes ""Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.""" Is that Nietzsche? -Is that Nietzsche? Yeah, yeah it is, Howard. And here I was thinking I could tell you something you didn't know. -Yeah, yeah it is, Howard. And here I was thinking I could tell you something you didn't know. It's a good quote, Mary. I'm glad we both know it. -There's another one I like, I read. It's by Pope Alexander. Alexander Pope? -Alexander Pope? Yes, shit. Oops, sorry! Sorry. It's just I told myself I wasn't going to say Pope Alexander and sound like a dope and then I go ahead and do it. Like I psyched myself out. -Yes, shit. Oops, sorry! Sorry. It's just I told myself I wasn't going to say Pope Alexander and sound like a dope and then I go ahead and do it. Like I psyched myself out. It's no big deal. -It's no big deal. You are such a sweetheart. -That's lovely. Really? I thought it was appropriate maybe. That's all. I really admire the work that you do. I know it's not proper to be so familiar but I guess since we're outside the workplace I feel a certain liberty to -- -Really? I thought it was appropriate maybe. That's all. I really admire the work that you do. I know it's not proper to be so familiar but I guess since we're outside the workplace I feel a certain liberty to -- It's fine, Mary. I'm happy to hear it. -It's fine, Mary. I'm happy to hear it. Okay. Good. Great. Thanks. I like you, Howard... an awful lot. Is that terrible? -I've loved you for a very long time. I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that. I've got a wife, Mary. Kids. You know that. -I've got a wife, Mary. Kids. You know that. I wish I was your wife. I wish I had your kids. -We can't do this. No you're right. Once again. You're a decent man, Howard. -What, Howard? We... have a history. I'm sorry. You wanted the procedure. You wanted it done... to get past. I have to finish in there. It's almost morning. We'll talk later. -Thanks. So... do we talk about this... or what? I don't know what I'm supposed say, Mary. I want to do the right thing here. -I don't know what I'm supposed say, Mary. I want to do the right thing here. "Do you love me? Did you love me? Something. I listened to my tape. I can't believe I've been sitting right in front of it for a year. It's like listening to someone else's story. I mean, I hear myself talking about having sex with you and I can't even imagine you naked. I can't even say ""naked"" to you!" -"Do you love me? Did you love me? Something. I listened to my tape. I can't believe I've been sitting right in front of it for a year. It's like listening to someone else's story. I mean, I hear myself talking about having sex with you and I can't even imagine you naked. I can't even say ""naked"" to you!" I have a family, Mary. -I have a family, Mary. You made me have an abortion. -You made me have an abortion. It was a mutual decision. -It was a mutual decision. You made me have you erased! I loved you. I love you! How could you -- -You made me have you erased! I loved you. I love you! How could you -- I didn't make you. You thought it best. But, look, I take full responsibility. -Stan? What's going on? The guy we're doing? He's disappeared from the map. I can't find him anywhere. -The guy we're doing? He's disappeared from the map. I can't find him anywhere. Okay, what happened right before he disappeared? -Okay, what happened right before he disappeared? I was away from the monitor for a second. I had it on automatic. I had to go pee. -I was away from the monitor for a second. I had it on automatic. I had to go pee. Well, where was Patrick? -Well, where was Patrick? He went home sick. -He went home sick. Jesus. All right, what's the address. -Jesus. All right, what's the address. 1062 Sherman Drive. Apartment 1E, Rockville Center. -Ah, your journal. This will be invaluable. December 15th, 2004. I met someone tonight. Oh, Christ: I don't know what to do. Her name is Clementine and she's amazing. So alive and spontaneous and passionate and sensitive. Things with Naomi and I have been stagnant for so long. -Mary. What are you doing here? She came to help, Howard. -I tried that already. Did you try going through C-Gate? -Did you try going through C-Gate? Yeah. Of course. -You get some sleep, Howard. I'll take it from here. Yeah, probably a good idea. -Howard, they've disappeared again. Oh dear. -I'll go out for a smoke. If no one minds. That's fine, Stan. -So, I've got to drop the van off. Thanks, Stan. Thanks. -She should not have done this, Stan. As mad as she was... as justifiably -- I don't know what you're talking about, Howard. -I don't know what you're talking about, Howard. Mary has stolen our files and is sending them back to people. -Mary has stolen our files and is sending them back to people. Jesus. -Oh, hi. Hi, I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd see -- -Hi, I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd see -- I think he's in a conference. Unfortunately. I'm really sorry. -I think he's in a conference. Unfortunately. I'm really sorry. Would you just try him? You never know. As long as I'm here. You never know. -Would you just try him? You never know. As long as I'm here. You never know. Of course. Please have a seat. -This book -- It's essential that people read it because -- -- It's the truth. And only I know it. Maybe after the holidays then. -The voltage looks fine. Then check the connections. -Does that help? Yeah, that looks better. Thanks. -It's an apartment. Not a dump, then, but kind of plain. Uninspired. And there's a stale smell. Sort of stuffy. I don't know. Stuffy. -Not a dump, then, but kind of plain. Uninspired. And there's a stale smell. Sort of stuffy. I don't know. Stuffy. Patrick, let's just get through this. We have a long night ahead of us. -Patrick, let's just get through this. We have a long night ahead of us. Yeah. -Yeah? Just wanted to let you know. -Just wanted to let you know. I like Mary. I like when she comes to visit. I just don't think she likes me. -I like Mary. I like when she comes to visit. I just don't think she likes me. She likes you okay. -She likes you okay. I wonder if I should invite my girlfriend over, too. I have a girlfriend now. -I wonder if I should invite my girlfriend over, too. I have a girlfriend now. You can if you want. -You can if you want. Did I tell you I have a new girlfriend? -Did I tell you I have a new girlfriend? This one's history. Moving on... -This one's history. Moving on... The thing is... my situation is a little weird. My girlfriend situation. -The thing is... my situation is a little weird. My girlfriend situation. Patrick, we need to focus. -I gotta tell you something. I kind of fell in love with her last night. She was unconscious, Patrick. -She was unconscious, Patrick. She was beautiful. So sweet and funky and voluptuous. I kind of stole a pair of her panties, is what. -She was beautiful. So sweet and funky and voluptuous. I kind of stole a pair of her panties, is what. Jesus, Patrick! -Mary hates me. I've never been popular with the ladies. Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties. -Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties. Okay, There's more, Stan -- -What's your bartlett's? It's a quote book. -Hold on. Let me ask my friend. Stan, can I leave for a little while? My girlfriend is very -- Patrick, we're in the middle of -- -Patrick, we're in the middle of -- She's right in the neighborhood. She's upset. -I can handle it. He's pretty much on auto-pilot anyway. Thanks, Stan. I owe you. -I'm a friend of Bonanza Jellybean's. I know who you are. -I know who you are. Oh? Well, there's been some trouble on the ranch. I came up here to get out of the way. It's so dark now I doubt if I could find my way back down. If you could help... -Oh? Well, there's been some trouble on the ranch. I came up here to get out of the way. It's so dark now I doubt if I could find my way back down. If you could help... Save your breath for the climb. -But I don't know how to polka. Neither do I... ha ha ho ho hee hee. -What was that? Clockworks. -Clockworks. Clockworks? -The Clockworks is one reason that I am here on Siwash Ridge. I accepted the invitation to be initiated as a shaman by an aged Siwash chief who was the principle outside confederate of the Clock People. Siwash, huh? -Siwash, huh? He was a degenerated warlock who could turn urine into beer, and the honor that he extended me gave me rights of occupancy in this sacred cave on this far-away Siwash Ridge. I came to the Dakota hills to construct a clockworks of my own. -But unlike the clockworks of the Clock People, my ticks more accurately echo the ticks of the universe.... ......ha ha ho ho and hee hee. The Clock People? -During the Second World War I busted out of Tule Lake detention camp; as a Japanese-American, I had been put there and watched over. I found refuge with the Clock People, who discovered me in a snow bank, near dead, I had been climbing across the Sierra Nevada mountains. Then if you are Japanese, then why are you called the Chink? -Then if you are Japanese, then why are you called the Chink? "The Clock People mistook me for Chinese. And the name stuck. In the same way that all Indian tribes came to be labeled ""Indians"" through the ignorance of an Italian sailor with a taste for oranges, it is only fitting that ""Indians"" misnamed me. The Clock People, however, are not a tribe, rather they are a gathering of Indians from various tribes. They have lived together since 1906." -What do you believe in then? Ha ha ho ho and hee hee. -Is everything getting worse? Yes, everything is getting worse. But everything is also getting better. -Yes, everything is getting worse. But everything is also getting better. The Countess has come to our aid. The Rubber Rose Ranch is officially deeded to all the cowgirls. And I have been asked to oversee the ranch. For $300 a week. And as it turns out, the Countess is not going to be the vegetable the doctors thought he was... here's a picture! -I want to go back to the Clock People. I kind of miss those fool redskins and wonder what they're up to. What's happened to Jelly? She had a one way-ticket to Kansas City. -She had a one way-ticket to Kansas City. You mean she's dead? -But that's an old story now...... I can't believe that you would leave the Butte. Easy come, easy go. -Well, if the Clock People give you any inside information on the end of the world, drop us a postcard. The world isn't going to end, you dummy; I hope you know that much. But it is going to change. It's going to change drastically, and probably in your lifetime. The Clock People see calamitous earthquakes as the agent of change, and they may be right, since there are a hundred thousand earthquakes a year and major ones are long overdue. But there are far worse catastrophes coming... unless the human race can bring itself to abandon the goals and values of civilization, in other words, unless it can break the consumption habit -- and we are so conditioned to consuming as a way of life that for most of us life would have no meaning without the yearnings and rewards of progressive consumption. It isn't merely that our bad habits will cause global catastrophes, but that our operative political-economic philosophies have us in such a blind crab grip that they prevent us from preparing for the natural disasters that are not our fault. So the apocalyptic shit is going to hit the fan, all right, but there'll be some of us it'll miss. Little pockets of humanity. Like the Clock People. Like you two honeys, if you decide to accept my offer of a lease on Siwash Cave. There's almost no worldwide calamity -- famine, nuclear accident, plague, weather warfare or reduction of the ozone shield -- that you couldn't survive in that cave. -Suppose that you bear five or six children with your characteristics. All in Siwash Cave. In a postcatastrophe world, your offspring would of necessity intermarry, forming in time a tribe. A tribe every member of which had giant thumbs. A tribe of Big Thumbs would relate to the environment in very special ways. It could not use weapons or produce sophisticated tools. It would have to rely on its wits and its senses. It would have to live with animals -- and plants! -- as virtual equals. It's extremely pleasant to me to think about a tribe of physical eccentrics living peacefully with animals and plants, learning their languages, perhaps, and paying them the respect they deserve. How am I going to be the progenitor of a tribe when I'm living on an isolated ridgetop with Delores? -How am I going to be the progenitor of a tribe when I'm living on an isolated ridgetop with Delores? That's your problem. -Where do you live, Miss Hankshaw? I'm staying with the Countess. -I'm staying with the Countess. I know, but where do you reside when you aren't visiting New York? -I know, but where do you reside when you aren't visiting New York? I don't. -I don't. You don't? -You don't? Well, no, I don't reside anywhere in particular. I just keep moving. -A traveler, eh? You might say that, although I don't think of it as traveling. -Where are the others? Oh, Rupert and Carla had a little hassle and went home. -Welcome, podner. By God, it's great to have you here. It's an honor. Sorry I took so long getting to you, but we've had a mess of hard work these past few days -- and a heap of planning to do. Er, you seem to know who I am, and maybe even what I am. Thanks for the breakfast. -Er, you seem to know who I am, and maybe even what I am. Thanks for the breakfast. Oh, I know about Sissy Hankshaw, all right. I've done a little hitchhiking myself. Ah shucks, that's like telling Annie Oakley you're a sharpshooter because you once knocked a tomato can off a stump with a fieldstone. I'd heard tales about you from people I'd meet in jail cells and truckstops. I heard about your, uh, your, ah, your wonderful thumbs, and I heard how you were Jack Kerouac's girl friend... -No, I'm afraid that part isn't true. Jack was in awe of me and tracked me down. We spent a night talking and hugging in a corn field, but he was hardly my lover. Besides, I always travel alone. Well, that doesn't matter; that part never interested me anyway. The beatnicks were before my time, and I never got anything outta the hippies but bad dope, clichés and the clap. But the example of your life helped me in my struggle to be a cowgirl. -Tell me about it. About... -About... About being a cowgirl. What's it all about? When you say the word you make it sound like it was painted in radium on the side of a pearl. -About being a cowgirl. What's it all about? When you say the word you make it sound like it was painted in radium on the side of a pearl. Cowgirls exist as an image. A fairly common image. The idea of cowgirls especially for little girls prevails in our culture. Therefore, it seems to me, the existence of cowgirls should prevail. Otherwise, they're being fooled. In the Rodeo Hall of Fame in Oklahoma City there are just two cowgirls. Two. And both of 'em are trick-riders. Trick-riding is what cowgirls have almost always done in rodeos. Our society sure likes to see its unconventional women do tricks. That's what prostitutes call it, you know: 'tricking.' -You're political, then? "No, ma'am. No way. There's girls on the Rubber Rose who are political, but I don't share their views. I got no cowgirl ideology to expound. ""Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it.""" -Did that last comment sound too profound to be coming outta my mouth? It's not original. It's something I picked up from the Chink. Really? The Chink, huh? I've gathered that you sometimes speak with him. What else have you learned from the Chink? -Really? The Chink, huh? I've gathered that you sometimes speak with him. What else have you learned from the Chink? Learned from the Chink? Oh my. Ha ha. That's hard to say. We mostly.... Uh, a lot of his talk is pretty goofy. -......Delores zonks out on peyote at least once a week, but so far her Third Vision hasn't happened. Niwetükame, the Mother Goddess has not gotten back in touch with her. Meanwhile she and Debbie are rivaling each other like a couple of crosstown high schools. Tension. Cowgirl tension! What a drag. What is Debbie's position? -What is Debbie's position? Debbie says that if women are to take charge again, they must do it in the feminine way; they mustn't resort to aggressive and violent masculine methods. She says it is up to women to show themselves better than men, to love men, set good examples for them and guide them tenderly toward the New Age. She's a real dreamer, that Debbie-dear. -Debbie says that if women are to take charge again, they must do it in the feminine way; they mustn't resort to aggressive and violent masculine methods. She says it is up to women to show themselves better than men, to love men, set good examples for them and guide them tenderly toward the New Age. She's a real dreamer, that Debbie-dear. You don't agree with Debbie, then? -You don't agree with Debbie, then? I wouldn't say that. I expect she's right, ultimately. But I'm with Delores when it comes to fighting for what's mine. I can't understand why Delores is so uptight about the Chink; he could probably teach her a thing or two. Ee! That grass tickles, doesn't it? God knows I love women, but nothing can take the place of a man that fits. Still this is cowgirl territory and I'll stand with Delores and fight any bastards who might deny it. I guess I've always been a scrapper. Look. This scar. Only twelve years old and I was felled by a silver bullet. -That's Jellybean! FROM MEN, THE WHOOPING CRANE HAS RECEIVED NEITHER LOVE NOR RESPECT. MEN HAVE DRAINED THE CRANE'S MARSHES, STOLEN ITS EGGS, INVADED ITS PRIVACY, POLLUTED ITS FOOD, FOULED ITS AIR, BLOWN IT APART WITH BUCKSHOT. -Looks like every time we get together things are in a mess. So be it. It looks serious this time, though. All these guns... are you actually prepared to kill and die for whooping cranes? -So be it. It looks serious this time, though. All these guns... are you actually prepared to kill and die for whooping cranes? Hell no, the cranes are wonderful, okay, but I'm not in this for whooping cranes. I'm in it for cowgirls. If we cowgirls give in to authority on this crane issue, then cowgirls become just another compromise. I want a finer fate than that -- for me and for every other cowgirl. Better no cowgirls at all than cowgirls compromised. -Hell no, the cranes are wonderful, okay, but I'm not in this for whooping cranes. I'm in it for cowgirls. If we cowgirls give in to authority on this crane issue, then cowgirls become just another compromise. I want a finer fate than that -- for me and for every other cowgirl. Better no cowgirls at all than cowgirls compromised. How did this business get started, anyhow? Why are the birds nesting here? -No, I guess not. 'Drugged' is a stupid word. -'Drugged' is a stupid word. But the peyote is obviously affecting their brains. It's made them break a migratory pattern that goes back thousands of years. -Every time I tell you that I love you, you flinch. But that's your problem. If I flinch when you say you love me, it's both our problems. My confusion becomes your confusion. Students confuse teachers, patients confuse psychiatrists, lovers with confused hearts confuse lovers with clear hearts.... -Extraordinary! She's obviously that. Jesus! Which would you rather have, a million dollars or one of Sissy's thumbs full of pennies? -She's obviously that. Jesus! Which would you rather have, a million dollars or one of Sissy's thumbs full of pennies? Oh, you! I'm not talking about her hands. They're difficult to ignore, I confess, but I'm speaking of her whole being. Her whole being is extraordinary. The way she talks, for example. She's so articulate. -Oh, you! I'm not talking about her hands. They're difficult to ignore, I confess, but I'm speaking of her whole being. Her whole being is extraordinary. The way she talks, for example. She's so articulate. It's high time you realized, honey babe, that a woman doesn't have to give the best years of her life to Radcliffe or Smith in order to speak the English language. -It's high time you realized, honey babe, that a woman doesn't have to give the best years of her life to Radcliffe or Smith in order to speak the English language. Countess. I'm really in a dither. She's turned my head. -Countess. I'm really in a dither. She's turned my head. Ninety degrees to the left, I hope. How does she feel about you? -Ninety degrees to the left, I hope. How does she feel about you? I think she's disappointed that I'm not more, ah, sort of atavistic. She's got some naive, sentimental notions about Indians. I'm sure she liked me, though; but.... then she left town. -I think she's disappointed that I'm not more, ah, sort of atavistic. She's got some naive, sentimental notions about Indians. I'm sure she liked me, though; but.... then she left town. She always leaves town, you dummy. That doesn't mean anything. What about in bed? How does she like it in bed? -How does she like what in bed? Like what? -What do you think? Well.... er... -Well.... er... Shit O dear, Julian. Do you mean to tell me you didn't get it on? -Shit O dear, Julian. Do you mean to tell me you didn't get it on? Oh, we didn't get it all the way on. -Oh, we didn't get it all the way on. Whose fault was that? -Whose fault was that? I suppose it was mine. Yes, it definitely was my fault. -I suppose it was mine. Yes, it definitely was my fault. What do they do to you boys in those Ivy league schools, anyway? Strap you down and pump the Nature out of you? They can even press the last drop of Nature out of a Mohawk buck. Why, send a shaman or cannibal to Yale for four years and all he'd be fit for would be a desk in the military-industrial complex and a seat in the third row at a Neil Simon comedy. Jesus H.M.S. Christ! If Harvard or Princeton could get hold of the Chink for a couple of semesters they'd turn him into a candidate for the Bow Tie Wing of the Hall of Wimps. Oogie boogie. -What do they do to you boys in those Ivy league schools, anyway? Strap you down and pump the Nature out of you? They can even press the last drop of Nature out of a Mohawk buck. Why, send a shaman or cannibal to Yale for four years and all he'd be fit for would be a desk in the military-industrial complex and a seat in the third row at a Neil Simon comedy. Jesus H.M.S. Christ! If Harvard or Princeton could get hold of the Chink for a couple of semesters they'd turn him into a candidate for the Bow Tie Wing of the Hall of Wimps. Oogie boogie. If we Ivy Leaguers aren't earthy enough to suit you hillbillies, at least we don't go around indulging in racist terms such as 'Chink.' Next thing I know, you'll be calling me 'chief.' -If we Ivy Leaguers aren't earthy enough to suit you hillbillies, at least we don't go around indulging in racist terms such as 'Chink.' Next thing I know, you'll be calling me 'chief.' Chink's the guy's name, for Christ's sake. -Chink's the guy's name, for Christ's sake. What guy? -What guy? Aw, he's some old fart holyman who lives in the hills out West. Gives my ranch the creeps and the willies, too. But though he be old and dirty, he's alive, I'll bet, clear down to his toes. They don't have his juice in a jar in New Haven. Well I suppose that I'll have to write Sissy out on the road. -I'm cold. Here. I'll turn down the air conditioner. -Here. I'll turn down the air conditioner. It's not the air conditioner that's making me cold. Nothing moves in here. Not even your birds. -What are you doing? Getting dressed. I've got to go. -Getting dressed. I've got to go. But I don't want you to leave. Please stay. We can go to dinner. I owe you a dinner. And tonight... we can... really make love. -But I don't want you to leave. Please stay. We can go to dinner. I owe you a dinner. And tonight... we can... really make love. I have to go, Julian. -I have to go, Julian. Why? Why do you have to go? -Why? Why do you have to go? My thumbs hurt. I've made a mistake. I've been negligent. I haven't exercised. I have to hitchhike a little bit every day, no matter what. It's like a musician practicing his scales. When I don't practice, my timing gets off, my thumbs get stiff and sore. -Going north? You bet your raggedy white ass I am. -Thanks. American Cheese. The king of road food. -Are you in show business? I was a successful model once. -I was a successful model once. For magazines? -For magazines? I was the Yoni Yum feminine-hygiene Dew girl from 1965 to 1970, but got laid off. -I was the Yoni Yum feminine-hygiene Dew girl from 1965 to 1970, but got laid off. So now you're bummin' around? -So now you're bummin' around? Yep. -Yep. Hitchhiking? -Hitchhiking? I'm the best. -I'm the best. You're the best? -You're the best? When I was younger, I hitchhiked one hundred and twenty-seven hours without stopping, without food or sleep, crossed the continent twice in six days, cooled my thumbs in both oceans and caught rides after midnight on unlighted highways. -When I was younger, I hitchhiked one hundred and twenty-seven hours without stopping, without food or sleep, crossed the continent twice in six days, cooled my thumbs in both oceans and caught rides after midnight on unlighted highways. Whooee! -Whooee! As I developed, however, I grew more concerned with subtleties and nuances of style. Time in terms of M.P.H. no longer interested me. I began to hitchhike in something akin to geological time: slow, ancient, vast. When I am really moving, stopping car after car after car, moving so freely, so clearly, so delicately that even the sex maniacs and the cops can only blink and let me pass, then I embody the rhythms of the universe. I am in a state of grace. -To my own special Sissy. Cheers! And welcome. So my letter brought ya flying, eh? Where were you? Salt Lake City? La Conner? Well, I may have a little surprise for you. But first, tell me about yourself. It's been six months, hasn't it? In some circles that's half a year. How are you? Tired... -Tired... That's the very first time in the eons that I've known you that I've ever heard you complain. And now you're tired, poor darling. -That's the very first time in the eons that I've known you that I've ever heard you complain. And now you're tired, poor darling. A born freak can only go uphill. -A born freak can only go uphill. Freak, schmeek. Most of us are freaks in one way or another. Try being born a male Russian countess into a white middle class Baptist family in Mississippi and you'll see what I mean. -Freak, schmeek. Most of us are freaks in one way or another. Try being born a male Russian countess into a white middle class Baptist family in Mississippi and you'll see what I mean. I've always been proud of the way nature singled me out. It's the people who have been deformed by society I feel sorry for. I've been steady moving for eleven years and some months. Maybe I should rest up for a spell, I'm not as young as I used to be. -I've always been proud of the way nature singled me out. It's the people who have been deformed by society I feel sorry for. I've been steady moving for eleven years and some months. Maybe I should rest up for a spell, I'm not as young as I used to be. Shit O goodness, you won't be thirty for another year, and you're more beautiful than ever. -Shit O goodness, you won't be thirty for another year, and you're more beautiful than ever. Does that mean you might have an assignment for me? -You were the Yoni Yum girl from, let's see, from nineteen sixty-eight through nineteen seventy. You've always smelled so nice. Like a little sister. The irony has just killed me. You, the Dew Girl, one of the few girls who doesn't need Dew. I loath the stink of females! They are so sweet the way God made them, then they start fooling around with men and soon they're stinking. Like rotten mushrooms, like an excessively chlorinated swimming pool, like a tuna fish's retirement party. They all stink. From the Queen of England to Bonanza Jellybean, they stink. Bonanza Jellybean? -Bonanza Jellybean? What? Oh yes. Tee-hee. Jellybean. -She's a young thing who works on my ranch. Real name is Sally Jones or something wooden like that. She's cute as a hot fudge taco, and, of course, it takes verve to change one's name so charmingly. But she stinks like a slut just the same. Your ranch? -Your ranch? Oh my dear yes, I bought a little ranch out West, sort of a tribute to the women of America who have cooperated with me in eliminating their odor by using my vaginal products, Dew spray mist and Yoni Yum spray powder. A tax write-off, actually. -Sissy, Sissy, blushing bride, you can desist from wearing paths in those forgotten highways. The Countess has arranged a job for you. And what a job... A job for me? -A job for me? I am once more about to make advertising history. And only you, the original Yoni Yum/Dew Girl, could possibly assist me. -The Food and Drug Administration said Wednesday female deodorant sprays may cause such harmful reactions as blisters, burns and rashes. Although the FDA judges that the reported reactions are not sufficient to justify removal of these products from the market, they are sufficient to warrant the proposed mandatory label warnings. Shit O dear, that's enough to make me asthmatic. The nerve of those twits. What do they know about female odor? Don't interrupt. Here's my concept. My ranch out West? It's a beauty ranch. Oh, it's got a few head of cattle for atmosphere and tax purposes. But it's a beauty ranch, a place where unhappy women -- divorcees and widows, mainly -- can go to lose weight, remove wrinkles, change their hair styles and pretty themselves up for the next disappointment. My ranch is named the Rubber Rose, after the Rubber Rose douche bag, my own invention, and bless its little red bladder, the most popular douche bag in the world. So get this. It's on the migratory flight path of the whooping cranes. The last flock of wild whooping cranes left in existence. Well, these cranes stop off at my little pond -- Siwash Lake, it's called -- twice a year, autumn and spring, and spend a few days each time, resting up, eating, doing whatever whooping cranes do. I've never seen them, understand, but I hear they're magnificent. Very big specimens -- I mean, huge mothers -- and white as snow, to coin a phrase, except for black tips on their wings and tail feathers, and bright red heads. Now, whooping cranes, in case you didn't know it, are noted for their mating dance. It's just the wildest show in nature. It's probably the reason why birdwatching used to be so popular with old maids and deacons. Picture these rare, beautiful, gigantic birds in full dance -- leaping six feet off the mud, arching their backs, flapping their wings, strutting low to the ground. Dears, it's overwhelming. And picture the birds doing their sex dance on TV. Right there on the home screen, creation's most elaborate sex ritual -- yet clean and pure enough to suit the Pope. With lovely Sissy Hankshaw in the foreground. In a white gown, red hood attached, and big feathery sleeves trimmed in black. In a very subdued imitation of the female whooping crane, she dance/walks over to a large nest in which there sits a can of Yoni Yum. And a can of Dew. Off-camera, a string quartet is playing Debussy. A sensuous voice is reading a few poetic lines about courtship and love. Are you starting to get it? Doesn't it make the hair on your neck stand up and applaud? My very goodness gracious! Grandiose, lyrical, erotic and Girl Scout- oriented; you can't top it. I've hired a crew of experts from Walt Disney Studios, the best wildlife cinematographers around. You're my eternal favorite. Princess Grace herself couldn't be better, not even if she had your personality which she doesn't; Anyway, dear, I'm out of photography now and into water colors. Ah how circuitous conversation is! We're back at the beginning. The exact man I've wanted you to meet is my artist the watercolorist. -If you don't want me to pose for him, why do you want me to meet him? Purely personal. I believe you might enjoy one another. -Purely personal. I believe you might enjoy one another. But Countess... -But Countess... Now, now. Don't get exasperated. I realize that you've always avoided all but the most rudimentary involvements with men, and I might add, you've been wise. Heterosexual relationships seem to lead only to marriage. For men, marriage is a matter of efficient logistics: The male gets his food, bed, laundry, TV, pussy, offspring and creature comforts all under one roof, where he doesn't have to dissipate his psychic energy thinking about them too much, then he is free to go out and fight the battles of life, which is what existence is all about. But for a woman marriage is surrender. -But here you are, still a virgin -- you are virginal yet, aren't you? Why, yes, technically. Jack Kerouac and I came awfully close, but he was afraid of me, I think... -Why, yes, technically. Jack Kerouac and I came awfully close, but he was afraid of me, I think... Yes, well, what I'm getting at is that there comes a time when it is psychologically impossible for a woman to lose her virginity. She can't wait too long, you know. Now, there's no reason why you must lose yours. I mean, just ponder it a bit, that's all. -Yes, well, what I'm getting at is that there comes a time when it is psychologically impossible for a woman to lose her virginity. She can't wait too long, you know. Now, there's no reason why you must lose yours. I mean, just ponder it a bit, that's all. What makes you think this watercolorist and I would develop a romantic relationship? -What makes you think this watercolorist and I would develop a romantic relationship? I can't be certain that you would. But what have you got to lose? -I can't be certain that you would. But what have you got to lose? Well, okay. I'll try it. I don't see the point in it, but I'll try it. Just for you. It's kind of silly, actually, me going out with an artist in New York City. However... -Well, okay. I'll try it. I don't see the point in it, but I'll try it. Just for you. It's kind of silly, actually, me going out with an artist in New York City. However... Good, good, good... you'll enjoy it, you'll see. Julian is a gentleman. -Sissy, don't play dumb with me! You're a good model but a shitty actress. The cowgirls are involved in this whooping crane disappearance. You know perfectly well they are. Last seen in Nebraska. Didn't make it to Canada. Siwash Lake is between Nebraska and Canada. The cowgirls have possession of Siwash Lake. And who else but Jellybean's wild cunts could possibly conceive of doing something so diabolical as to tamper with the last flock of some nearly extinct birds? How much do you know about it? Have they murdered those cranes the way they murdered my moo cows? I don't know anything about it. -I don't know anything about it. Sissy. You're trying to protect those scuzzy bitches. Well, let your conscience be your guide, as my mommy used to say, but it won't work. Those stinking sluts are going to suffer... -Ballast. I am your best friend. I am a lifesaver and a heartbreaker... -That means top-secret, Cooper. I heard it. -I can see why they sent you along. So if the ship didn't blow up, what happened? -You still need the rope? I thought you were one a those spacemen with ice in ya veins. I'd rather be on the rope and not need it than need it and not have it. Now step aside, old man. -...do you copy? Uh, yeah Coop, I'm still here. -Uh, yeah Coop, I'm still here. Shit! Do not do that! Where the fuck are you? -Shit! Do not do that! Where the fuck are you? I'm in the Second Containment area. It's pitch black in here. There must have been a coolant leak. Man, this shit is everywhere. I can't see a damn thing. -Holy shit... Justin? -Justin? I think I found something... -Time to play Spam in the can. Don't start with me, Cooper. -Okay, listen up. As you all know by now, we have an addition to our crew. Dr. Weir, this is: Starck, navigation; Smith, pilot, Justin, ship's engineer -- You can call him Baby-bear, he loves that... -You can call him Baby-bear, he loves that... This is Cooper, what the hell do you do on this ship, anyway? -...cancel our leave and send us out on some bullshit mission...! EVERYBODY SHUT UP! Let the man speak. -From what? You're convinced the crew could still be alive? After seven years? -...come on, Skipper, I already put my shoes on... You've had plenty EVA, Coop, it's Justin's turn. Stay on station. If anything happens... -You've had plenty EVA, Coop, it's Justin's turn. Stay on station. If anything happens... I'll be all over it. -We have a man down... Coop, where are you... -Coop, where are you... The containment, Second Containment... -The containment, Second Containment... Hold on, Coop... -But Justin... I'll get him. -Captain Miller, we're ready to repressurize the Clark. On my way. -...and the gravity drive goes where no man has gone before. You prep the gravity couches. I'm going to manually arm those explosives. -You prep the gravity couches. I'm going to manually arm those explosives. Will it work? -Will it work? It worked for Weir. Prep the tanks. -You been out there a long time. Trying to break my record? I'd rather spend the next twelve hours Outside than another five minutes in this can. This ship is bad. It watches you. -I'd rather spend the next twelve hours Outside than another five minutes in this can. This ship is bad. It watches you. What? -What? You heard me. This ship, it's crazy: trying to go faster'n light, that's like the Tower of Babel. -You heard me. This ship, it's crazy: trying to go faster'n light, that's like the Tower of Babel. Shit, Smith, you're going Biblical on me. -Shit, Smith, you're going Biblical on me. You know what happened to the Tower of Babel, don't you? It fell down. -You know what happened to the Tower of Babel, don't you? It fell down. You're sucking too much nitrogen in your mix. -We'll have to re-route through the port conduit to the APU. What about the accumulator...? -It's holding... She's holding...! We're still venting trace gasses, gimme twenty minutes to plug the hole. -Solid as a rock. Hey, Smith... Smith, clear that airlock, man, I'm coming in. -Smith, clear that airlock, man, I'm coming in. Roger that. -Damn, Dr. Weir, don't scare us like that. Coffee? What? -What? Coffee. -Coffee. No, thank you. -The Event Horizon only had life support for eighteen months. It seems impossible, but in light of the transmission... I have to think that someone has managed to endure until now. Skipper, do we get hazard pay for this? -It was like... nothing was there... and then Justin appeared and the Core... became metal... No, he didn't. -No, he didn't. You weren't there. I saw it. -You weren't there. I saw it. Saw what, Mr. Cooper? What did you really see, because what you're describing is not physically possible... -I don't know what happened to Justin. I'm telling you, I saw it... -I'm telling you, I saw it... What you saw could have been an optical effect caused by gravitational distortion. -What you saw could have been an optical effect caused by gravitational distortion. "I know what I saw and it wasn't a fucking ""optical effect!""" -Is that an offer? It is not. -What's happening? I don't know, the screens are dead...! -Let me breathe, let me breathe... You're okay now, it's over... -How? The Bridge is gone. There must be a way! What about Engineering? -There must be a way! What about Engineering? Can you shut it down? -Can you shut it down? I don't know the process, Dr. Weir was the expert... -I don't know the process, Dr. Weir was the expert... I don't want to go where the last crew went. I'd rather be dead. -I'm gonna activate the emergency beacon. Hurry. -What...? Run! -He's a rescue technician. Peters, medical technician. DJ... Trauma. -Trauma. And this is mission specialist Dr. William Weir. We all know where we're going. Dr. Weir is going to tell us why. -We haven't tested the air yet. It could be contaminated... No time. We need whatever's left in our suits to repair the Clark. Like it or not, this is the only oxygen for three billion kilometers. -How is he? His vitals are stable, but he's unresponsive to stimuli. He might wake up in fifteen minutes. He might not wake up at all. -Carbon dioxide poisoning produces hallucinations, impaired judgement... Goddammit, DJ, it was not a hallucination! I saw a man, he was on fire. And then he disappeared. -To conserve our oxygen, we should severely restrict our activity. Anyone who can should get some sleep. I don't need sleep, DJ. I need answers. -He'll live... if we ever make it back. We'll make it. -Of course not. Justin just climbed into the airlock because he felt like it. Just one of those things. I swore I'd never lose another man. I came close today. Real close. """Another man?"" Who?" -I, I tried to go back for him, to save him, but I couldn't get to him in time. The fire... Have you ever seen fire in zero-gravity? It's like a liquid, it slides over everything. It was like a wave breaking over him, a wave of fire. And then he was gone. I never told anyone until now. But this ship knew, DJ. It knows about the Goliath, it knows about Corrick. It knows our secrets. It knows what we're afraid of. And now you're going to tell me it's carbon dioxide. No. -What is it? I've been listening to the transmission. And I think Houston made a mistake in the translation. -I've been listening to the transmission. And I think Houston made a mistake in the translation. Go on. -"They thought it said, ""Liberatis me,"" ""Save me,"" but it's not ""me."" It's ""tutemet:"" ""Save yourself.""" It's not a distress call. It's a warning. -It's not a distress call. It's a warning. It gets worse. -Do you hear it? Right there. Hear what? -Hear what? "It sounds like ""ex infera:"" ""ex,"" from; ""infera,"" the ablative case of ""inferi."" ""Hell.""" -"It sounds like ""ex infera:"" ""ex,"" from; ""infera,"" the ablative case of ""inferi."" ""Hell.""" """Save yourself. From Hell."" What are you saying, are you saying that this ship is possessed?" -"""Save yourself. From Hell."" What are you saying, are you saying that this ship is possessed?" No. I don't believe in that sort of thing. But if Dr. Weir is right, this ship has passed beyond the boundaries of our universe, of reality. Who knows where this ship has been... What it's seen... And what it's brought back with it. -DJ. The Clark's gone. Smith and Cooper are dead. What happened? -What happened? Weir. He used one of the explosives from the Corridor. -Please... Oh, God, DJ, what do I... how do I... -Oh, God, DJ, what do I... how do I... Please... kill... -Please... kill... Oh God... -What's wrong? Nothing. It's nothing. -What's happening...? A power drain -- -What's wrong? You didn't hear it? You must have heard it! -I've got a pulse, he's alive... Pressure? -Pressure? 90 over 50 and falling... . -90 over 50 and falling... . He's crashing... -Intubate, pure oxygen feed, get the nitrogen out of his blood... His peritoneum has ruptured... -His peritoneum has ruptured... One thing at a time, let's keep him breathing. Start the drip, 15cc's fibrinogen, Christ, he's bleeding out... -You wanted to see me, Admiral? I apologize for the short notice, Bill, but we've had something come up that requires your immediate attention. Lyle? -Incredible... These are the same coordinates before the ship disappeared... this, this happened? This isn't some kind of hoax? I wouldn't bring you here on a hoax. Houston confirms the telemetry and I.D. codes. -I wouldn't bring you here on a hoax. Houston confirms the telemetry and I.D. codes. It's the Event Horizon. She's come back. -That ship was lost in deep space, seven years ago. If the Titanic sailed into New York harbor, I'd find it more plausible. Houston wants Aerospace to send out a search and rescue team, investigate the source of the transmission. If it really is the Event Horizon, they'll attempt a salvage. We need you to prepare a detailed briefing on the ship's systems for the salvage crew... A written briefing can't possibly anticipate the variables on a mission like this. I have to go with them. -It's against my better judgement, but I'll run this by the Man downstairs. You'll know my decision by the end of the day. Thank you. -Thank you. Don't thank me, Bill. I'm not doing you any favors. -It's not that simple. Lyle, play the recording for Dr. Weir. Navigation Control tried to hail the vessel. This was the only response. -You're not seriously considering sending him? You don't just dismiss Bill Weir. The man held Oppenheimer's chair at Princeton. If the Event Horizon had worked, he would have gone down in history as the greatest mind in physics since Einstein. -You don't just dismiss Bill Weir. The man held Oppenheimer's chair at Princeton. If the Event Horizon had worked, he would have gone down in history as the greatest mind in physics since Einstein. The official inquiry blamed Weir's design for the ship's loss. -The official inquiry blamed Weir's design for the ship's loss. That doesn't mean a damn thing. They were looking for a scapegoat and Weir fit the bill. But he's not responsible for what happened to the ship. -That doesn't mean a damn thing. They were looking for a scapegoat and Weir fit the bill. But he's not responsible for what happened to the ship. Does he know that? -Does he know that? What's on your mind? -What's on your mind? He doesn't belong on this mission. Responsible or not, he blames himself. He's too close to it. And then there's his wife. -He doesn't belong on this mission. Responsible or not, he blames himself. He's too close to it. And then there's his wife. It's been two years since she died. He's over it. -It's been two years since she died. He's over it. Some things you don't get over. -I want our best people on this. Where's Miller? The Lewis and Clark just returned from patrol in the asteroid belt, she's docked in bay four. -What, Justin, what shows you? It won't stop, it goes on and on and on... -It won't stop, it goes on and on and on... What does? -What does? The dark inside me. -...It's inside and it eats and eats until there's nothing left. """The dark inside...""? I don't understand." -"""The dark inside...""? I don't understand." From the Other Place... -Oh my god OH MY GOD... Starck! -...is zero. That's what the singularity does: it folds space, so that point A and point B coexist in the same space and time. After the ship passes through this gateway, space returns to normal. It's called a gravity drive. How do you know all this? -How do you know all this? I built it. -You've reached the First Containment Seal. The engineering decks are on the other side. We still have pressure. The radiation count's steady at 7 millirads an hour. -We still have pressure. The radiation count's steady at 7 millirads an hour. Background radiation. Perfectly safe. -I've reached another containment door. This thing's huge... That's the Second Containment Seal. Beyond that, engineering. -That's the Second Containment Seal. Beyond that, engineering. I'm going in. -Everything green on my boards, Skipper. Start the countdown. -Okay. We do it the hard way. Deck by deck, room by room. Starck, deploy the umbilicus. I believe you're up for a walk, Mr. Justin. Go get your bonnet on. Yes, sir! -Justin, finish your sweep. Almost done, I just gotta check one thing... -Patch me through to him. Justin. -Justin. Skipper, you gotta help me... -...I don't want to die...! You're not going to die! Not today! I want you to do exactly as I say and I'm gonna get you out of there, alright? -You're not going to die! Not today! I want you to do exactly as I say and I'm gonna get you out of there, alright? But I can't... I gotta get out of here... Skipper, please... -But I can't... I gotta get out of here... Skipper, please... Justin. I won't let you die. -This is Weir. Dr. Weir, Admiral Hollis would like to see you as soon as possible. -Dr. Weir, you have no experience with salvage procedures. I designed the ship's propulsion system. I am the only person capable of evaluating the performance of the gravity drive. You can't send a Search and Rescue team out there alone and expect them to succeed. That would be like... like sending an auto- mechanic to work on the shuttle. -I designed the ship's propulsion system. I am the only person capable of evaluating the performance of the gravity drive. You can't send a Search and Rescue team out there alone and expect them to succeed. That would be like... like sending an auto- mechanic to work on the shuttle. I can understand your desire to redeem your reputation, Dr. Weir, but it doesn't factor into this. -I can understand your desire to redeem your reputation, Dr. Weir, but it doesn't factor into this. This is not about my reputation! This is not about me at all! The Event Horizon was created for one reason: to go faster than light. Imagine mankind exploring new solar systems, colonizing new worlds. Seven years ago, we didn't just lose the ship and the crew. We lost the dream. I have to go. -Since the initial transmission, there's been no further contact. Just the beacon, every two minutes. The crew? Could they still be alive? -The crew? Could they still be alive? The ship had life support systems for eighteen months. They're been gone seven years. -The ship had life support systems for eighteen months. They're been gone seven years. Someone sent that message. Admiral, you have to put me on that ship. -What's the hold up? Just loading the last of the CO2 scrubbers. Good for four months. -Just loading the last of the CO2 scrubbers. Good for four months. I put in for a replacement for you but no one... -I put in for a replacement for you but no one... No, no, its alright. I talked to my ex, he'll keep Denny over Christmas and I'll get him this summer. Goddam it, Skipper... I haven't seen him in two months. -No, no, its alright. I talked to my ex, he'll keep Denny over Christmas and I'll get him this summer. Goddam it, Skipper... I haven't seen him in two months. I am sorry. But now we have to go to work. -We've got pressure. Clear and open on my mark. Three... two... one... mark. -Jesus its huge. Ice crystals everywhere. This place is a deep freeze. -That means they didn't abandon ship. So where are they? Starck, any luck with the bio-scan? -Peters is right, no one's here. I don't know, this place is really dark, I can't see a thing... -I can see the hatch. Starck, you still showing those readings? -The blood came from somewhere, Peters... There's no one here, Skipper. -Okay. I'm on the bridge. What you got, Peters? -Everything's been shut down. Conserving power, I guess. Green light on the hull, it's intact. The science workstation has power, I'll see if I can find the crew from here. -I found one. Alive? -Alive? Frozen. -Justin, check the containment for radiation leaks. Peters... ...how's the client? -...how's the client? Crystallized. -Can anybody hear me... Skipper... -Skipper... Peters... -Peters... ...you okay? -...you okay? Yeah. I'm -- I'm okay. -Peters, I want you to go through the ship's log, see if we can't find some answers. I can use the station in Medical, keep an eye on Justin... -I can use the station in Medical, keep an eye on Justin... Fine. Starck, I want you to repeat the bio-scan... -I can run the image through a series of filters, try to clean it up. Do it. -That's a negative, Starck. Justin. -Peters. We need to know what happened to the crew. Before it happens to us. I'll get back to the log. But on the bridge, I won't go back, back in there... -I'll get back to the log. But on the bridge, I won't go back, back in there... Thanks. -Captain Miller, I just want to say... The clock is running, Dr. Weir. If you'll follow the rest of the crew, they'll show you to the gravity tanks. -Captain Miller, I appreciate this opportunity... Doctor Weir, my crew is not going on your mission because we want to. We were pulled off a well deserved leave, to be sent out to the middle of nowhere, and no one's even told us why. -Doctor Weir, my crew is not going on your mission because we want to. We were pulled off a well deserved leave, to be sent out to the middle of nowhere, and no one's even told us why. I've been authorized to brief you and the crew once we reach Neptune space. -I've been authorized to brief you and the crew once we reach Neptune space. Until then, do what you're told and stay out of my way. -It was the ship's maiden voyage, to test the drive. The Event Horizon moved to safe distance using ion thrusters. They received the go-ahead to activate the gravity drive. And the ship vanished from all our scopes. No radar contact, no enhanced optical, no radio contact of any kind. They disappeared without a trace. Until now. Where has it been for the last seven years? -Where has it been for the last seven years? That's what we're here to find out. -What does it say? NSA encryption specialists have deciphered some of the message... -That's the engineering containment. And there's the main airlock. We can dock there. Smith, use the arm and lock us onto that antennae cluster. -Smith, use the arm and lock us onto that antennae cluster. Be careful. It's not a load bearing structure... -Dr. Weir, I need you on the bridge. Captain, I didn't come out here to sit on your bridge, I need to be on that ship... -Captain, I didn't come out here to sit on your bridge, I need to be on that ship... Once the ship is secured, we'll bring you on board -- -Once the ship is secured, we'll bring you on board -- That is not acceptable -- -That is not acceptable -- -- once we've secured the ship, that's the way it is! I need you to guide us from the comm station. This is where I need you. Help us to do our job. -You're in the central corridor. It connects the personnel areas to Engineering. Peters and I will search the forward decks. Justin, take Engineering. No hot-dogging, not on this one, alright? -I can see that, what're they for? In an emergency, the charges detonate in series, destroying the central section and separating the personnel areas from the rest of the ship. That way, if the gravity drive malfunctions, the crew could use the foredecks as a lifeboat. -Easy, Peters, we're okay, we're okay. Let's finish the sweep. Captain Miller, the foredecks are just ahead. -Any survivors? Negative. -No one? They're empty, Dr. Weir. Moving forward. -It beats dying, Mister Smith. Dr. Weir's right. Get on board the Event Horizon. I'll meet you at the airlock. -Yes. One of my men is down. I want to know what happened to him. -"Hold on, what's this ""gravitational distortion?""" It's possible that a burst of gravity waves escaped from the Core, distorting space-time. They could be what hit the Lewis and Clark. -It's possible that a burst of gravity waves escaped from the Core, distorting space-time. They could be what hit the Lewis and Clark. What could cause them? What's in the Core? -What could cause them? What's in the Core? It's complicated... -It's complicated... How much time do you need? We have seventeen hours and forty-two minutes. Now: what is in the Core? -It's insane. """Insane?"" The finest astronauts fought to be posted to this ship. It would take the Lewis and Clark a thousand years to reach our closest star. The Event Horizon could be there in a day..." -"""Insane?"" The finest astronauts fought to be posted to this ship. It would take the Lewis and Clark a thousand years to reach our closest star. The Event Horizon could be there in a day..." If it worked. -If it worked. If it worked, yes. -I want this room sealed. The Second Containment is off limits. There's no danger. The black hole is contained behind three magnetic fields, it's under control. -There's no danger. The black hole is contained behind three magnetic fields, it's under control. Your black hole damn near ripped my ship apart. It may have killed one of my men. No one goes near that thing. -You have something, Dr. Weir? The date. -The date. What about it? -What about it? The Event Horizon's computer think's it's 2034. -The Event Horizon's computer think's it's 2034. It's 2041... -It's 2041... Exactly. The ship's internal clock is off by seven years. -Explanation? Intense gravitational fields effect the passage of time, it's possible... Black holes make sense on paper, it's all math, you see, but as to what really happened... The Event Horizon has passed beyond our plane of reality, and like Lazarus, returned from the dead. -What the hell is that? Dr. Weir? I don't know. -We barely have enough power for life support as it is, if we can't stop the drain, we're not gonna make it. The Core...! -We don't get the power back, our air's gonna go bad. Check the Core for radiation. Carbon dioxide may be the least of our worries. -We're a long way from home and we're in a bad place. Let's not make it worse. If anyone has any constructive suggestions, now is the time. I think I can stabilize the fields around the singularity, that should prevent another power drain. -I think I can stabilize the fields around the singularity, that should prevent another power drain. Do it. -"Is that your ""expert opinion?"" The only answer we've had out of you is ""I don't know.""" Justin just tried to kill himself. The man is clearly insane. -I want to know what caused that noise. I want to know why one of my crew tried to throw himself out of the airlock. Thermal changes in the hull could have caused the metal to expand and contract very suddenly, causing reverberations -- -Thermal changes in the hull could have caused the metal to expand and contract very suddenly, causing reverberations -- That's bullshit and you know it! You built this fucking ship and all I've heard from you is bullshit! -That's bullshit and you know it! You built this fucking ship and all I've heard from you is bullshit! What do you want me to say? -What do you want me to say? You said this ship creates a gateway... -You said this ship creates a gateway... Yes... -Yes... To what? Where did this ship go? Where did you send it? -To what? Where did this ship go? Where did you send it? I don't know... -I don't know... Where has it been for the past seven years? -Where has it been for the past seven years? I don't know... -I don't know... "The ""Other Place,"" what is that...?" -"The ""Other Place,"" what is that...?" I DON'T KNOW! I don't know. There's a lot of things going on here that I don't understand. Truth takes time. -I DON'T KNOW! I don't know. There's a lot of things going on here that I don't understand. Truth takes time. That's exactly what we don't have, Doctor. -We're leaving. You can't, your orders are specific... -You can't, your orders are specific... """...to rescue the crew and salvage the ship."" The crew is dead, Dr. Weir. This ship killed them. And now it's killing us." -"""...to rescue the crew and salvage the ship."" The crew is dead, Dr. Weir. This ship killed them. And now it's killing us." You're insane. You've lost your mind. -You're insane. You've lost your mind. Maybe you're right. But it's still my command, and I have leeway to abort when I feel there is an unacceptable threat to my crew. And I think there is. Starck, download all the files from the Event Horizon's computers. Coop, Smith, finish moving the CO2 scrubbers back onto the Clark. -Maybe you're right. But it's still my command, and I have leeway to abort when I feel there is an unacceptable threat to my crew. And I think there is. Starck, download all the files from the Event Horizon's computers. Coop, Smith, finish moving the CO2 scrubbers back onto the Clark. Don't... don't do this... -Don't... don't do this... It's done. -What about my ship? We will take the Lewis and Clark to a safe distance and then launch tac missiles at the Event Horizon until I am satisfied that she has been destroyed. Fuck this ship. -We will take the Lewis and Clark to a safe distance and then launch tac missiles at the Event Horizon until I am satisfied that she has been destroyed. Fuck this ship. You... You can't do that! -You... You can't do that! Watch me. -You can't leave. She won't let you. Just get your gear back onto the Lewis and Clark, doctor, or you'll find yourself looking for a ride home. -I told you... She won't let you leave... Son of a bitch! -Your eyes... I don't need them anymore. Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see. -I don't need them anymore. Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Do you know what a singularity is, Miller? Does your mind truly fathom what a black hole is? It is NOTHING. Absolute and eternal NOTHING. And if God is Everything, then I have seen the Devil. It's a liberating experience. -If you miss me, you'll blow out the hull. You'll die too. What makes you think I'll miss? -Weir is dead. Then who the fuck are you? -Then who the fuck are you? Your fear. Do you remember the Goliath, Miller? -What are you? You know. -You know. You want me to believe you're the Devil, well, I don't, that's bullshit! -You want me to believe you're the Devil, well, I don't, that's bullshit! I'm not the Devil. -I'm not the Devil. Then what, what are you? Tell me... -Then what, what are you? Tell me... Better if I just show you. -There is no Devil. There is no God. There is only... NOTHING. You're lying...! -You're lying...! I'm not asking you to believe me. You'll see for yourself... and so will your crew. You're all coming with me. -I'm not asking you to believe me. You'll see for yourself... and so will your crew. You're all coming with me. Starck... Cooper... -You can't have them. Go to hell. NOOO! -I don't like it either, but you know the rules: we get the call, we go. Is the course locked in? Locked and cocked. -Jesus... What is that? -Heading three-three-four... ...Make your approach vector negative fourteen degrees... -...Make your approach vector negative fourteen degrees... One-four degrees... -We have a lock on the Event Horizon's navigation beacon. It's in the upper ionosphere, we're in for some chop. Bring us in tight. Starck, get on the horn, see if anyone's listening... -We're all on edge, Smith. We're a long way out... That's not it. That ship was built to go faster than light... That's just wrong, it goes against everything we know... -That's not it. That ship was built to go faster than light... That's just wrong, it goes against everything we know... "What are you trying to say? ""If God had intended Man to fly, he would have given us wings?""" -"What are you trying to say? ""If God had intended Man to fly, he would have given us wings?""" Something like that, yeah. -I guess we're about to find out. Keep us slow and steady. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Dr. Weir...! -We've got some weather. I noticed. Starck, anybody home? -1500 meters. We're getting too close... Where is it? -Proximity warning! 900, 800 meters, 700... we're right on top of it, we're gonna hit! Starck... -Put it through TACS. Smith, you up for a flyby? Love to. -It is now. We're locked in. Starck, give me a read. -Captain Miller... Smith, where the hell have you been?! -Smith, where the hell have you been?! We have a situation here... -Do we have enough time for a weld? We don't have time to fart. -We don't have time to fart. We're losing pressure at 280 liters a second and our oxygen tanks are cracked. In three minutes, our atmosphere will be gone. We are fucking dead. -We're losing pressure at 280 liters a second and our oxygen tanks are cracked. In three minutes, our atmosphere will be gone. We are fucking dead. No one's dying on my watch, Smith! What about the reserve tanks? -No one's dying on my watch, Smith! What about the reserve tanks? They're gone. -But... You heard me, Smith. Peters, are you with me? -Captain Miller, you copy? I'm here, Smith, how's the Clark? -I'm here, Smith, how's the Clark? I've found a six inch fracture in the outer hull. We should be able to repair it and re-pressurize, it's gonna take some time. -I've found a six inch fracture in the outer hull. We should be able to repair it and re-pressurize, it's gonna take some time. We don't have time, Smith. In twenty hours we run out of air. -We don't have time, Smith. In twenty hours we run out of air. Understood. -...you break all the laws of physics, you think there won't be a price? You already killed the first crew... That's enough! -Sir. Get outside, go back to work. I'll join you shortly. -Thank you. Captain, we got a problem. -Captain, we got a problem. Now what? -Now what? She was right behind me, I turn around, she's gone. She could be anywhere. -She was right behind me, I turn around, she's gone. She could be anywhere. Alright. Prep the Clark for launch. I'll find her. -Skipper... What is it, Smith? -What is it, Smith? I just saw Weir, I think he was messing around on the Clark. -Smith, get out of there... Come again, Skipper? -Come again, Skipper? One of the explosives is missing from the corridor. I think Weir may have put it on the Clark. -Get off the Clark now and wait for me at the airlock. No, no, we just got her back together... -No, no, we just got her back together... Get out of there now! -Where is it, where is it... Smith? Smith! Fuck! -We're past the outer marker, we can engage the ion drive whenever you're ready. Justin? -Ion drive will engage in... T-minus ten minutes. Let's go. -Starck, why aren't you on the bridge? I just finished drying... -I just finished drying... Then what are you doing here? Come on, people, let's go! And Cooper... Put some pants on. -Crossing the horizon. Optimum approach angle is fourteen degrees. Come around to three-three-four... -Something's wrong with the bio-scan. Radiation interference? -Radiation interference? There's not enough radiation to throw off the scan. I'm picking up trace life forms, but I can't get a lock on the location. -That's an affirmative. Keep your eyes open. -Everybody okay? We're all here. -We're all here. Okay. Let's find out how much time we just bought. -It tastes bad. But you can breathe it. -The antennae array's completely fried, we've got no radio, no laser, no highgain... No one's going to be coming to help us. How much oh-two do we have? -How much oh-two do we have? Oxygen is not the problem. -Oxygen is not the problem. Carbon dioxide? -Carbon dioxide? It's building up with every breath we take. And the CO2 filters on the Event Horizon are shot. -It's building up with every breath we take. And the CO2 filters on the Event Horizon are shot. We can take the filters from the Clark... -We can take the filters from the Clark... I thought of that, with the filters from the Clark, we've got enough breathable air for twenty hours. After that, we'd better be on our way home. -I thought of that, with the filters from the Clark, we've got enough breathable air for twenty hours. After that, we'd better be on our way home. What about the life readings you picked up? -What about the life readings you picked up? "The Event Horizon sensors show the same thing: ""Bio-readings of indeterminate origin."" Right before that wave hit the Clark, there was some kind of surge, right off the scale, but now it's back to its previous levels." -"The Event Horizon sensors show the same thing: ""Bio-readings of indeterminate origin."" Right before that wave hit the Clark, there was some kind of surge, right off the scale, but now it's back to its previous levels." What's causing the readings? -What's causing the readings? I don't know, but whatever it is, it's not the crew. -I don't know, but whatever it is, it's not the crew. So where is the rest of the crew? We've been over every inch of this ship and all we've found is blood. Dr. Weir? Any suggestions? -What's the point? I'll just get the same thing... Not acceptable. I want to know what's causing those readings. If the crew is dead, I want the bodies, I want the crew found. -Not acceptable. I want to know what's causing those readings. If the crew is dead, I want the bodies, I want the crew found. I can reconfigure the scan for C-12, amylase proteins. -I can reconfigure the scan for C-12, amylase proteins. Do it. Dr. Weir... -Maybe one of the original crew? No. It was someone else. -No. It was someone else. Who? -Who? Dr. Weir, you were right there, you must have heard something, seen something... -Miller... What is it, Starck? -What is it, Starck? ...I ran the bio-scan with the DNA/RNA filter. The results were bio-readings of indeterminate origin... -...I ran the bio-scan with the DNA/RNA filter. The results were bio-readings of indeterminate origin... """...bio-readings of indeterminate origin,"" don't you have anything useful to tell me?" -"""...bio-readings of indeterminate origin,"" don't you have anything useful to tell me?" I've got a theory. -Go ahead. There was a another surge in the bio- readings right before you... you saw what you saw. We picked up a similar readings right before the Clarke was damaged. What if there were a connection between the two? The gravity waves, the hallucination, all part of an defensive reaction, like an immune system... -You've got to listen... To what? What are you saying? This ship is alive? -To what? What are you saying? This ship is alive? I didn't say that, I said the bio- readings correspond to what happened to you, the ship is reacting to us... -I didn't say that, I said the bio- readings correspond to what happened to you, the ship is reacting to us... We're hanging on by our fingernails and you're giving me bullshit stories... -It's not bullshit, it's the only conclusion the data supports... Starck, do you know how crazy that sounds? It's impossible. -Starck, do you know how crazy that sounds? It's impossible. I know that. -If you knew it was impossible, then why'd you waste my time? I thought you wanted an answer. And that's the only one I have. -What I want is to survive the next ten hours. Nine hours and twenty-two minutes. -Nine hours and twenty-two minutes. I'm going outside to work on the Clark. And Starck... don't tell anyone what you just told me. We've got enough to worry about. -Miller, come in... What's going on in there, Starck? -What's going on in there, Starck? Justin's in the airlock. -What? He's awake, he's in the airlock, he's not wearing a suit. -He's awake, he's in the airlock, he's not wearing a suit. Stay here! Don't stop working! -I'm on my way, Starck. You better hurry. He's engaged the override, we can't open the inner door. -Tuck yourself into a crouched position, shut your eyes as tight as you can! Five seconds. -Weir can't be alive. Whatever was on that bridge wasn't Weir. -Weir activated the drive. He's sending us to the Other Place. We've got to shut it down, we've got to... -BLOW THE FUCKER UP. Blow it up? -Blow it up? We blow the Corridor. Use the foredecks as a lifeboat, separate it from the rest of the ship. We stay put... -I'll do it -- No. I'll be right back. -We're armed. This fucker's ready to blow... ...repeat, we're armed... -...repeat, we're armed... Miller, he's back, he was in the tank... -Weir. He's dead... -First time in a grav couch? Yes. -Don't worry about it. He's hard, but he's fair. You're lucky to be shipping out with him. He's one of the few Captains in the service with experience in the Outer Reach. He's been past Mars? -He's been past Mars? He served on the Goliath. -He served on the Goliath. Wasn't that ship destroyed? -Wasn't that ship destroyed? They attempted to rescue a supply shuttle bound for Titan. The shuttle's oh-two tanks ruptured during the rescue, flooded both ships with pure oxygen. There was a spark and both ships were incinerated. The Skipper and three others just made it to a lifeboat. Captain Miller was able... -Claire... DJ! It's okay. You're okay. Just breathe. -Here's another one. They're all over the place. They're explosive charges. -Dr. Weir, what's this the door to? You're at the Bridge, Ms. Peters. You still haven't seen any crew? -Yes, we can see some kind of mist. What is that? Blood. Looks like arterial spray. -Blood. Looks like arterial spray. Can you see a body? -Can you see a body? There's no one here. -No. I saw nothing. I did. -About an hour ago. In medical. I saw my son. He was lying on one of the examination tables and his legs were... Isn't it possible that you were traumatized by finding the body on the bridge? -Isn't it possible that you were traumatized by finding the body on the bridge? I've seen bodies before. This is different. -There's no one in the corridor but us. Not according to the computer. -He's engaged the override. Can you shut it down? -Yes. Yes, Justin, we heard it. Keep him talking. -Keep him talking. Do you know what it was? -Almost got it. Come on, Baby-bear, open this door... -We have to do something, oh God... Skipper, Justin just activated the door. It's on a thirty second delay... -You got any coffee? It's cold. -It's cold. I don't care. -Hey... "Say this paper represents space-time, and you want to get from ""point A"" here... ...to ""point B,"" here. Now: what's the shortest distance between two points?" -Where is she? Dead ahead, 5000 meters. -Jesus, that is one big ugly fat fucker... She's not ugly. -Foredecks. Crew quarters, bridge, medical and science labs, hydroponics, what have you. That central section connects the forward decks to the Engineering containment area. Can we move in closer? Shit, Doc, any closer and we're gonna need a rubber... -What the hell is that? That's the Core: the gravity drive. The heart of the ship. -The safety circuit's failed! We're losing atmosphere... -What? It still has air and reserve power, we can activate gravity and life support. -I didn't see anything and I don't have to see anything. This ship is fucked. Thank you for that scientific analysis, Mister Smith. -Thank you for that scientific analysis, Mister Smith. Hey! You don't need to be a scientist figure it out... -I can't believe this, I haven't gotten more than my hand in six weeks and now this shit. Why not Mars, Cap, Mars has women... Smith's right. Neptune? There's nothing out there. If something happens, we'll be on our own. -30 hours to Neptune orbit. All boards are green, everything's five by five. -You can't do that. The law of relativity prohibits faster- than-light travel... -This is U.S. Aerospace Command vessel Lewis and Clark, hailing Event Horizon, Event Horizon, do you read...? This is the Lewis and Clark, hailing... Matching speed... now. Range to target ten thousand meters and closing... Skipper, I got a bad feeling about this... -If they are, they're screening their calls. Range 3000 meters and closing. -The scope is lit, it's right in front of us... 1000 meters... -Range 500 meters and holding. Turbulence is dropping off... Picking up magnetic interference. -What happened to his eyes? Explosive decompression. -Explosive decompression. Decompression wouldn't do that. -Miller, do you read me, Peters -- Get them back -- -Get them back -- I'm trying, goddammit -- -What if the air has gone bad? We can't wear these suits forever. I don't think this is a good idea, we don't even know what happened on that ship... -"Relativity, yes. We can't break the law of relativity, but we can go around it. The ship doesn't really move faster than the speed of light; it creates a dimensional gateway that allows the ship to instantaneously ""jump"" from one point in the universe to another, light years away." How? -How? Well, in layman's terms, you use a rotating magnetic field to focus a narrow beam of gravitons; these in turn fold space-time consistent with Weyl tensor dynamics until the space- time curvature becomes infinitely large and you have a singularity... -A straight line. Wrong. The shortest distance between two points... -The reactor's still hot. We've got several small radiation sources, leaks probably. Nothing serious. Do they have pressure? -Do they have pressure? Affirmative. The hull's intact... but there's no gravity and the thermal units are off line. I'm showing deep cold. The crew couldn't survive unless they were in stasis. -Could it be the crew? If they were in suspended animation, wouldn't that effect the scan? If they were in stasis, I'd get a location, but these readings, they're all over the ship. It doesn't make any sense. -What is it? Ship's log. -What is it? I don't know. The life readings just went off the scale. -That's how the gravity drive works, you see: it focuses the black hole's immense gravitational power to create the gateway. That's how the Event Horizon travels faster than light. I can't believe we built this. -Why Dr. Weir, I think you're in love. Hmmm. Claire used to tell me I loved the Event Horizon more than I loved her. I told her that wasn't true, I just knew the Event Horizon better, that's all. -Hmmm. Claire used to tell me I loved the Event Horizon more than I loved her. I told her that wasn't true, I just knew the Event Horizon better, that's all. Claire is your wife? -Claire is your wife? Yes. -Yes. It must be hard, being so far away from her. -It must be hard, being so far away from her. Yes. I miss her. She died. Two years now. -Yes. I miss her. She died. Two years now. I'm sorry. -Maybe a power interruption crashed the system... No, there's no evidence of a surge or spike of any kind. It's as if time just... stopped for seven years. -What are you doing? It wants me. I have to go. -In our current environment, Dr. Weir, self-control is an asset. I'm alright. Please. -What is it? The forward airlock. -The forward airlock. Miller, Smith, Cooper, any of you in the airlock? -"Justin said something about, ""The dark inside me..."" What did he mean?" It means nothing. -I don't think She's real big on hate. You wouldn't say that, if you could see me. -Such a sad face... You know, sometimes being different isn't a bad thing. Trust me, this ain't one of those times. -How'd you know it was me? I'm blind, not deaf. Wanna come in? -I'm not really dressed for a party. Relax, it's casual. -Relax, it's casual. No, I mean... I'm a little... dusty... -Those yours too? My step-dad's. I'm strictly into stone. I was wondering when you'd walk by. -We're going to have to work on your touch. I like the sound of that. -You know, you could'a run an ad in the personals. """Sensual blind chick seeks three- ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship.""" -"""Sensual blind chick seeks three- ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship.""" This ain't permanent. My friend Reed's working on a cure... I think. -You don't know what it's like out there. Walking around like some kind of circus freak. People staring, whispering -- I wouldn't know anything about that. -I wouldn't know anything about that. I mean... -I mean... Tell me. When you grew up in Brooklyn, how many astronauts did you know? You went your own way then. You didn't listen to people. So why start now...? -Way to not overthink it. So when do we leave? I'll schedule the launch. Call me in the morning to talk about resources and crew. -I can handle the ship. I can even handle Mr. Blonde Ambition. But I don't know if I should be flying or playing Vegas in these suits. Who the hell came up with them? Victor did. -We can monitor the cloud's approach and observe the tests from here. Is it safe? -I can only stay for one drink, Ben. I've got to meet with Victor. Wouldn't want to keep Vic waiting. -We need to give you a physical, so we know what got zapped. Well why didn't you say so? You want me to lift some weights or something? -You look like an eighties rock band. The suit will stretch. You should try it -- -The suit will stretch. You should try it -- I wouldn't be caught dead in that. -He didn't. Oh, he did. -Oh, he did. What did he do to the uniform?! -He didn't mean it. You know Johnny. He's always been a hothead -- It's not him. It's them. I can't live like this. -It's not him. It's them. I can't live like this. Just give Reed a little more time. You know how he works -- analyzing every little step before he takes one -- -Just give Reed a little more time. You know how he works -- analyzing every little step before he takes one -- It's easy for you to be patient. -It's easy for you to be patient. No, it's not. I thought I was done waiting for Reed... We're all in this together now, Ben. -Where is Reed? Victor must've taken him. -What are you doing here? I'm worried about you. -I'm worried about you. About me? How sweet. -About me? How sweet. Come on. Let me buy you something to eat. Looks like you could use the company. -Ben, come in. What is this? Where's Reed? -What is this? Where's Reed? Where do you think? With Sue. -What do you want, Vic? To help you. I've run every test known to man. And they all yield the same result: the machine is ready. -Reed said it'd be weeks till -- He also said we'd avoid that storm in space. And we know how that turned out. -"He couldn't generate enough power for the machine to reach critical mass. Yet another mistake for ""Mr. Fantastic.""" And you can? Power it up? -I'll be watching over you. Just get back soon, or I start looking for a new groom. -Soon as I'm back, I'm gonna trade that in for a bigger rock. I don't care about rocks, I care about you. You bring him back in one piece, or you can forget being Best Man. -Deb... It's me. I need you to step out front. Out front? You home, baby? I got a surprise for you. -Ben? "Don't come any closer for a sec. This is gonna be kind of a shock... You remember when we said ""together forever no matter what""?" -"Don't come any closer for a sec. This is gonna be kind of a shock... You remember when we said ""together forever no matter what""?" Baby, you're scaring me. -Oh my G-g-g. What did you... do to Ben? Deb, it's me. It's still me. -What did you wish for, honey? I already got it. Everything I want. -Good thing it ain't workin... Reed, what are we doing here? This guy's fast-food, strip-mall science -- This wasn't our first stop, in case you forgot NASA. And Victor's not that bad. He's just a little... Larger than life. -He's financed some of the biggest breakthroughs of this century. You'd never know it. -I can't take this. Ben. This is business. Just work. -What about his first born? Ben, the money's not important. We could save lives. -He knew about NASA. What if he made the call to shut us down -- Ben, think about all the people we can help if this works -- -Ben, think about all the people we can help if this works -- Maybe you should think about yourself for once. You always let this guy push you round -- -Maybe you should think about yourself for once. You always let this guy push you round -- We got what we wanted. That's enough. -We got what we wanted. That's enough. I know, I know. I'm just worried about what he wants... Speaking of which... -Can't do it. I cannot do it. External SRBs, orbital system engines. Its just like the shuttles you flew in -- -External SRBs, orbital system engines. Its just like the shuttles you flew in -- No. I cannot take orders from that underwear model. That wingnut washed out of NASA for sneaking two Victoria Secret wannabes into a flight simulator. -No. I cannot take orders from that underwear model. That wingnut washed out of NASA for sneaking two Victoria Secret wannabes into a flight simulator. Youthful high spirits. -They crashed it into a wall. A flight simulator. I'm sure he's matured since then. -When have I asked you to do something you absolutely said you could not do? Five times. -Five times. I had it at four. -I had it at four. This makes five. -Isn't that your speech? He's made a few changes. -He's made a few changes. This is your dream, Reed. You should be the one up there. -This is your dream, Reed. You should be the one up there. Victor's better at these things. -The shields on the station should protect us. Should? -I ain't done arranging your flowers, egghead. Ben. This is serious. Turn around. -How long was I out? Three days. I was worried about you. How are you feeling? -Three days. I was worried about you. How are you feeling? Solid. -I don't know. I just keep going over and over the numbers. Reed. Even you can't compute every little thing. -Reed. Even you can't compute every little thing. I should have done more, run more tests -- -You go through something like this, makes you appreciate having the right woman in your life. Yeah, you and Debbie and perfect -- -Yeah, you and Debbie and perfect -- Reed, I'm not talking about Debbie. -What? Come on. She's got a good thing with Victor -- I'm sorry, did that cosmic-bath loosen your screws? -I'm sorry, did that cosmic-bath loosen your screws? He's smart, powerful, successful -- -He's smart, powerful, successful -- Well maybe you should date him. -Are you alright? I think I need to lie down. Bad shrimp. -What the --! Ben. Are you okay? -Ben. Are you okay? Am I okay?! You wanna explain that?! -We had a tough year. Yeah, nine years straight. -You got a chisel round here? If we're going to identify the source of the mutation, we need to isolate your recombinant DNA so we can activate positional genomes. -Okay. I've uh, got some questions, from Sue. That she thought might be better coming from me... Can you, you know, go to the bathroom... like normal... Yeah. You don't wanna know the details. -Yeah. You don't wanna know the details. Ben, I'm afraid I've got to ask -- -Ben, I'm afraid I've got to ask -- Not unless you want that clipboard stretched up your -- -Not unless you want that clipboard stretched up your -- O-kay. We'll skip that question. -It's about to be a broken face. This isn't permanent, Johnny. We need to be careful until we're normal again. -Ben -- Oh, you remember my name do you? You happen to remember what you swore to do with every breath in your body? -Oh, you remember my name do you? You happen to remember what you swore to do with every breath in your body? We're working as hard as we can -- -We're working as hard as we can -- Yeah. I can tell. Victor was right. -"Glad ""nothing"" could take you away from your work." Ben, I don't know if this thing'll change us back or make us worse. I need you to be patient for a little while longe-- -Time for your lesson, Vic. Chem 101: what happens when you supercool hot metal...? Ben... Got it, teach. -Ben, I've been crunching the numbers on the machine. I think if we can rework the power settings... Forget it, egghead. I'm good as is. -What the hell you smiling at? Just keep your mouth shut, and your mind on those SMBs -- Actually, the engines are SMEs. Hydrogenbase, carbon propellant. Couple generations past your last ride. I'm not as dumb as you look. -If you behave, maybe next time daddy'll let you drive. Keep talking, there won't be a next time. -Please tell me your dawg's not trying to rekindle things with my sister. 'Course not. Strictly business. -'Course not. Strictly business. Yeah, well, his eyes say different. -Yeah, well, his eyes say different. Hey, two hearts got busted last time. Maybe she's not over it either. -Hey, two hearts got busted last time. Maybe she's not over it either. Let's see: you got Victor, stud of the year, more coin than God? Or Reed, the world's dumbest smart guy worth less than a postage stamp. Hmmm, it's a toss-up. -Let's see: you got Victor, stud of the year, more coin than God? Or Reed, the world's dumbest smart guy worth less than a postage stamp. Hmmm, it's a toss-up. Put your tiny little mind at ease. -Put your tiny little mind at ease. Don't you wander off, boy. -Where... where am I? Back on Earth. Victor's medical facility... We're in quarantine. -Back on Earth. Victor's medical facility... We're in quarantine. Reed?... Sue? -Reed?... Sue? They're fine. Everybody else... is fine. -What's wrong with me? I swear to you they've done everything humanly possible. The best plastic surgeons in the world, Ben. You had the best -- -I swear to you they've done everything humanly possible. The best plastic surgeons in the world, Ben. You had the best -- Give me a mirror... -They said that's not such a good idea, the shock alone could -- Give me the god damn mirror! -Hey! That's a prototype! Go back to the drawing board. -The machine works. And Vic's gone Mister Hyde on us -- Really? With a name like Von Doom? Never saw that one coming. -No more cracks about how I look. Hey, I'm Mr. Sensitivity now. Clear the way, wide load coming through. -Your tissue, your organs, your entire biophysical structure is changing. Every system is still functioning, somehow -- And they're changing into... -And they're changing into... I don't really know. A compound organic-metallic alloy. Stronger than titanium or carbon steel. Harder than diamonds -- -I don't really know. A compound organic-metallic alloy. Stronger than titanium or carbon steel. Harder than diamonds -- Like the shields Reed said would protect us. How long? -Like the shields Reed said would protect us. How long? At this rate, the infection should be complete in two, maybe three weeks -- -At this rate, the infection should be complete in two, maybe three weeks -- "What do you mean ""complete""?" -"What do you mean ""complete""?" I wish I could tell you. I can't pretend to know what we're dealing with here. I'll notify the CDC and -- -What? The Center for Disease Control. If this thing is contagious -- -But... this disease... is progressive... degenerative... That's terrible news... -And where do we think we're going? "I don't know if ""we've"" noticed, but the sickest runs this side of the Alps are right outside that window --" -You're hot! So are you! -So are you! I mean, you feel a little feverish. -I mean, you feel a little feverish. I've never felt better in my life. When do you get off work? -I've never felt better in my life. When do you get off work? My shift ends at four, but I couldn't -- -My shift ends at four, but I couldn't -- Meet me at 4:01, top of the run. That'll give you a minute to freshen up. -Me like-y. Stay right. Left is trouble. -Stay right. Left is trouble. I though we went over this. -I though we went over this. Last one down springs for room service. -You're on fire! Not this again -- -Not this again -- No: You're ON FIRE! -Victor's right. Johnny, get to the command center. Close the shields. What about you? -He's not responsive -- Ben! Ben! -Now what is up with that? The cloud has fundamentally altered our DNA. -The cloud has fundamentally altered our DNA. Cool. What'd it do to you guys? -Oh, you dawg you. Better not be my nurse! Ben, are you there? -This is wrong in so many ways. You've been working out. -Ben Grimm is a genuine American hero who's been through a terrible orde-- What he's trying to say is: every team needs a mascot... -Twenty? From outside the place looks a lot taller. Oh, it is. -We should stay here until we can define the extent of our changes... This place is deluxe. You got cable? -This place is deluxe. You got cable? ...and figure out how to reverse them. Let me show you to your rooms. -Back it down, Johnny! I can go hotter! -Not only could you kill yourself, but you could set fire to Earth's atmosphere and destroy all human life as we know it. Gotcha. Okay. Supernova bad. -Is there something about flames? About flaming, that you -- What are you trying to say? Just because I dress well and like to dance -- -What are you trying to say? Just because I dress well and like to dance -- What? No. I'm trying to figure out why we each ended up with different symptoms. -What? No. I'm trying to figure out why we each ended up with different symptoms. Oh, well that's easy: I'm hot. You're... well, you're a little limp. Sue's easy to see through. And Ben's always been a hardass. Why aren't you writing this down? -He's right. These costumes are... missing something. I can't put my finger on it -- They're not costumes. -That's what I'm trying to calculate. And it's not rubber. It's muscle, tendon. I seem to have the ability to manipulate the malleability of my molecular structure and redistribute my density to -- Right, whatever, have fun. -You need to control yourself and think before you -- Act. Here we go again. Reed, what if we got these gifts for a reason? What if we have some, you know... like, calling? -Act. Here we go again. Reed, what if we got these gifts for a reason? What if we have some, you know... like, calling? A higher calling like getting girls and making money? -Johnny. SUPERNOVA. But all these people... -But all these people... Now. -The synthetics act as a second skin, adapting to your individual needs to -- Keep the hot side hot, and the cool side cool! -Apparently I can disappear. Please tell me you go silent too. -Flame on, flame off. Flame on, flame off -- Johnny. -Stop it. "Okay, ""mom.""" -What is that thing? I think that thing is Ben. -Wait. You mean there's chance we could be full-on-24-7-fantastic? Grow up, Johnny. You want to run around on fire for the rest of your life? -Grow up, Johnny. You want to run around on fire for the rest of your life? Is that a trick question? C'mon, I can't be the only one who thinks this is cool. -You're really cramping my style here. You were at 4000 Kelvin. Any hotter, you're approaching supernova -- -You were at 4000 Kelvin. Any hotter, you're approaching supernova -- Sweet. -Sweet. That's the temperature of the sun. -Uh, we call my sister the invisible girl... the Invisible Girl. Girl...?! -I'm driving. Dude. That's my sister. -You're gonna pay for that, Pebbles. What?! "You gave us names? What are you, the ""face"" of the Fantastic Four now?" -You two need a time-out. Blockhead started it! -Johnny? Did you see Ben? Yeah, for the last time, I hope. I'm done with this freak show. I'm moving back to the real world. -Yeah, for the last time, I hope. I'm done with this freak show. I'm moving back to the real world. "Is that what you call it? ""Real""?" -"Is that what you call it? ""Real""?" At least it beats living in a lab like somebody's science project. -Johnny, slow down. Think. You know mom didn't raise us to -- Look around, sis! She's not here. So you can stop talking to me like I'm your little boy -- -Look around, sis! She's not here. So you can stop talking to me like I'm your little boy -- As soon as you stop acting like one. Come on, you're smarter than this. You think those people out there care about you? You're just a fad to them. -I'm sorry, sis, for leaving you guys -- No, I'm sorry, for pushing you out. -What are you doing -- Sis. Let me take care of you for once. -Sis. Let me take care of you for once. But Johnny... you can't fly. -If Reed's right, then this little trip will double our stock offering. And if he's not...? -And if he's not...? Reed's always right. Good thing he doesn't always know what he's got... -They're ready for you, sir. Showtime. -Our numbers are through the roof. The IPO's tracking at fifty, sixty a share. The bank's five times oversubscribed -- It's not just the money. I could make money in my sleep. -It's not just the money. I could make money in my sleep. Then what is it? -Then what is it? History, Leonard. History. Everything else is conversation... How's the other matter? -Leonard, how's the feed? Recording, sir. We see you perfectly. -How's the IPO? Stable. We're looking at low twenties. It's a good number, considering the fallout from -- -Stable. We're looking at low twenties. It's a good number, considering the fallout from -- Reed's disaster. You know, I half- think he did this to me on purpose. -Reed's disaster. You know, I half- think he did this to me on purpose. Sir, I'm sure he wouldn't put himself -- -Get me on the AM shows, Larry King, cover of the Journal... I've got to do something about this scar. Make sure they only shoot my right side. "Actually, uh, people seem to think the scar ""humanizes"" you." -"Actually, uh, people seem to think the scar ""humanizes"" you." And that's a good thing? -You know, maybe you should get some rest -- Later. First, I've got some unfinished business. A deal that needs closing... -Sir, I've always wondered... Why Sue? You could have any woman in the world but -- "That's why. Because I could have any other woman... You know, when they asked Caesar ""why England,"" he said, ""because it's not mine.""" -Make sure you find Ben, bring him back here. And keep it quiet. I don't need this to hit the press. Yes sir. You've got the Mayor at eight, then a nine-thirty interview with the Journal -- -Yes sir. You've got the Mayor at eight, then a nine-thirty interview with the Journal -- Front page? -Front page? Top left, like you asked. Today Wall Street. Tomorrow, who knows... maybe Washington. -You're, you've, I mean, how have you bee-- Never better. -Those solar winds are flaring, but I factored them into my coordinates and -- I was talking about us. Working together. -Well, uh, based on our history... you can handle the biogenetics, and I'll focus on the molecular physics. Or, uhm, maybe I should take the biotech, you work the microscopes, since you have some background in electropho-- Right. That's exactly what I meant. -I, uh, think I remember the number. It's been changed. -As far as crew, I was hoping Ben could pilot the mission -- Well, he's welcome to ride shotgun, but we already have a pilot on our payroll. You remember my brother Johnny... -Material made from self-regulating unstable molecules. I've been working on a formula for this. Great minds think alike. -Feeling better? Yes, thanks. -Yes, thanks. That's good. That's uh... good. -That's good. That's uh... good. You always had a way with words. I should be getting back. -You're happy for me and Victor. I can tell you guys are enjoying what was the best part of our relationship -- -I can tell you guys are enjoying what was the best part of our relationship -- Which was? -Which was? Passion. -For science. You are such a dork, Reed... You never got it and never will unless it's explained to you in quantum physics. -Uh, Sue...? I can't. What? What do you mean you -- -What? What do you mean you -- Sue... look at your hands. -It has to be the cloud. It's fundamentally altered our DNA. Let's not jump to conclusions, we need a massive amount of evidence before making that leap. -What? We need to get past them. -Sue. Your clothes. Lose them. What...? Oh. -How come Ben can't turn it on and off like us? That's what we're here to find out. -That's what we're here to find out. If it happened to him, then it could... -"It's not ""invisibility"" per se. You're bending the light around you with some kind of malleable force field. That's what you projected on the Bridge." What about you? You haven't eaten in days. How come you're never on this side of the microscope? -You should be able to bend light around other objects, even people, if you could control your emotional state better -- Excuse me? -I'm saying, if you had a little more self control, you could locate the trigger. Can you remember the exact emotions when -- Anger. Rage. Frustration. -Anger. Rage. Frustration. Okay. Is there any way to duplicate that feeling? Some memory or... -Okay. Is there any way to duplicate that feeling? Some memory or... I'm sure I can come up with something. -I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that... You must think that was some kind of latent hostility or -- What in the world would give me that idea? -I mean, you broke up with me, right? Are you kidding? -Are you kidding? No, I distinctly remember: you walked out my door. Ergo... -Reed. I was ready for the next step, you weren't, ergo, I walked. I think it was a little more complicated than -- -I think it was a little more complicated than -- I just wanted to share an apartment. What was so complicated about that? -There were a lot of variables to consider -- No. There weren't. There was you. And me. No variables, no math. It was actually the simplest thing in the world. But your head got in the way... like it always does. -What are you doing? The plants, from space. Their particles are still charged. With the right amount of energy, those ions could create the elemental profile of the cosmic storm. -If we can build a machine to re-create the storm, we can reverse the polarity -- And reverse the mutations -- -And reverse the mutations -- Curing countless diseases, not just ours. -But we're the focus, right Reed? Reed...? Of course. Of course. -Of course. Of course. And you sure you can control this thing? Last time didn't work out so well. -And you sure you can control this thing? Last time didn't work out so well. With the right energy, we can stabilize the storm. Maybe tie into the city grid... -Reed. How close are we to a cure? No way to know. Without more tests, experiments. -Don't let Victor push you into making a mistake -- He was going to take away all my data, equipment -- -He was going to take away all my data, equipment -- Better than your life. Victor's not the one who has to get into that thing. We are. -Which is why I'm working twenty hours a day, checking every variable -- Every variable but yourself. You don't eat, sleep. You can't live in your head like -- -Every variable but yourself. You don't eat, sleep. You can't live in your head like -- I'm not the only one in there. I got you, Vic, Ben, Johnny, all rattling around in there. -I could get Ben to tap into the Baxter's main power to generate enough voltage -- Reed. Shh. Just be quiet. And look up. -Remember our first date here...? God, I was so nervous. You were? -You were? Of course I was. I'd read all your papers on bioethics. Some of them two times just so I'd have something to say to you. -You know, I bribed the projectionist ten bucks to keep it open late? I gave him twenty. -You always talked about how you liked the kind of man who could approach you... speak his mind. One who wasn't afraid to tell you what he wanted. I did. I did, Reed... but I wanted you to be that man. -When I walked out, I waited ten minutes outside your door. Ten. Waiting for you to come find me. Why didn't you say something? -Why didn't you say something? That would have kinda defeated the purpose. And Reed... I'm saying it now. -I can... make it work. Reed, stop, you need to rest your -- -Reed, stop, you need to rest your -- The power... I need... more power... to control... the storm -- -The power... I need... more power... to control... the storm -- You need a doctor. -Sue, I need some of that anger, rage, frustration -- I'm sure I can come up with something. -I found a broken gasket, from space -- A gasket? Reed, we're at a party. -But dreams don't pay the bills, do they? Same old Reed, the hopeless optimist. Still reaching for the stars, with the world on your back. You remember in school we talked about working together. That's what I was about to explain... -This isn't going to be a problem, is it? Not at all. -You back this mission, and I'll sign over a fair percentage of any applications or -- The number's seventy-five. And it's applications and patents. -Funny how things turn out, isn't it? Hilarious. -Got it. So take a walk, Ben... I'm going to borrow Susan for a second. Sure. -We've got minutes until it hits, not hours... Victor, that storm's deadly -- the radiation's lethal. We need to abort. Get a grip. Reed. We didn't come all this way to lose our nerve at the first little glitch. Just close the shields... -Get a grip. Reed. We didn't come all this way to lose our nerve at the first little glitch. Just close the shields... Ben's still out there -- -Ben's still out there -- So reel him in. But we came here to do a job. So let's do it. Quickly. -Come on, Ben, come on... Reed, we're running out of time. -Not until Ben is back inside! It's too late for him, and soon it'll be too late for all of us. -Just a little banged up. A couple scrapes. Why? Ben did this. -Ben did this. Ben did this? -Ben did this? He's had some kind of... reaction to exposure from the cloud. And he's not the only one. -I'm starting to wonder the same thing... How much do you know about what happened to you? Not much. We need to run tests to see the extent of the damage. -Didn't go as planned? It was a catastrophe. You ruined the lives of four people -- I ruined? With all due respect, I told you to abort -- -I ruined? With all due respect, I told you to abort -- Abort? Reed, I put my company, my name, billions of dollars on the line, and I will not let you make me look like a fool -- -Abort? Reed, I put my company, my name, billions of dollars on the line, and I will not let you make me look like a fool -- Victor, if we could understand what happened to us -- -Victor, if we could understand what happened to us -- I don't want to understand it. This isn't one of your science projects. I just want to fix it. Fast! -What are you doing here? What I should have done a long time ago. Applications and patents, Reed. This all belongs to me. -But I'm not done with the machine -- Which is precisely the point. Analysis is over. It's time for action. My men could have mass-produced this by now. -It's just business. I think you both know my Director of Genetic Research, Susan Storm. -Surprised I agreed to Reed's proposal? I understand the business reasons. -I understand the business reasons. Well, when you're looking at your future, it never hurts to find closure about the past. -It's been a good two years, Victor... The company's accomplished so much. Right, of course, the company... But you see, I've come to realize all the accomplishments in the world mean nothing without someone to share them with -- -Right, of course, the company... But you see, I've come to realize all the accomplishments in the world mean nothing without someone to share them with -- Uh, Victor, I hope I haven't done something to make you think... -Uh, Victor, I hope I haven't done something to make you think... Sue, I've lived my life unafraid of taking big steps. And this is the biggest step yet. If it helps, think of this as a promotion. A merger of sorts... Four little words that can change our lives... -What are you doing? Raising the shields. -Raising the shields. You can't leave them out there. -What's going on? Victor, are you feeling alright? -Victor, I'm sorry I -- Just find him. -Victor, your scar -- I told you, I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about. -I told you, I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to -- -I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to -- Please, no apologies. I've arranged for your things to be moved to one of my condos. You'll have round-the clock care. -You said it was urgent. It is. There's something we need to talk about. Something I need to ask you... -Victor, wait, slow down a second. I want you to know I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I just don't -- Susan. What are you doing? -He's working round the clock. But the data needs to be tested, analyzed before -- Same old Reed. All analysis, no action. Wasn't that the problem with you two? -If these molecules aren't stable, they could make us worse, maybe even kill us. Then why is Reed dragging his feet? Maybe he likes having his prize specimen under glass... It's ironic, isn't it? You're finally the perfect woman for him... because you're his science project. -Please don't make this personal -- Oh, I think you already have. -Oh, I think you already have. Victor, we can't do anything until the research is ready. -'Scuse me. I know it can't be easy. Life hasn't changed that much for Reed, Sue and Johnny. At least they can go out in public. But for you? People staring. Whispering behind your back... -I know it can't be easy. Life hasn't changed that much for Reed, Sue and Johnny. At least they can go out in public. But for you? People staring. Whispering behind your back... If you're trying to cheer me up you're doing a helluva job -- -If you're trying to cheer me up you're doing a helluva job -- I'm just saying, I know what it's like to lose something you love. To see it slip away, and know it's never coming back. -Reed's gonna fix me up -- For your sake I hope you're right. I'm sorry if that sounds a little skeptical. -For your sake I hope you're right. I'm sorry if that sounds a little skeptical. Skeptical...? -Brad, can I talk to you a minute? Arnold. What's happening? -Brad, I really fuckin' hate McDonald's, man. Ever since they started in with the chicken, everything went downhill. You want to work at Carl's? -You want to work at Carl's? Oh, man, if you could swing something there, I'd do anything for you. I want to work with you guys. -Oh, man, if you could swing something there, I'd do anything for you. I want to work with you guys. I can probably get you in there. Just let me talk to Dennis Taylor. -I can probably get you in there. Just let me talk to Dennis Taylor. All right!! -Were those flowers really for me, Brad? Of course. -Of course. How much did they cost? -How much did they cost? Don't worry about it. -What's there to do at the Point? God, Lisa, we've been going together almost two years, and... Brad. I don't want to have to use sex as a tool. -Brad. I don't want to have to use sex as a tool. Tool? Tool for what? We've been going together almost two years! -Tool? Tool for what? We've been going together almost two years! I don't want to talk about it here, Brad. -Man, I don't even want to see those guys from Carl's again. If you'd apologize I think Dennis would take you back. -If you'd apologize I think Dennis would take you back. Apologize to that wimp? No way. Fuck Dennis Taylor. -I'm just glad we're still together, Lisa, because I need you this year. Look, Brad, I've been trying to think of a way to tell you this. We're almost out of high school, this is our last year. I think we owe it to ourselves to be free, and meet some new people. Then, if we get back together, we'll know it's the right thing. -Something happened to them, mon. Come on, Spicoli. Why don't you just put your shirts back on? See the sign? -Go ahead. Just make it quick. Totally. -Totally. It's the first door on your left. -I can't find it, mon! It's the first door on your left! -It's the first door on your left! On the ledge? -On the ledge? First door on your left! -First door on your left! There it is! -Easy, mon. Later. -Hamilton, come over here. What is that you've got on? This is how I dress all the time. -This is how I dress all the time. But you took off your Captain Kidd uniform. -But you took off your Captain Kidd uniform. I thought I'd take it off for the drive over to IBM. It's kind of uncomfortable. -Come on, Hamilton. You're going over there to represent Captain Kidd Fish and Chips. We have stores all over Southern California. Part of our image, part of our appeal is in our uniforms. You know that! You really want me to put all this stuff back on? -You really want me to put all this stuff back on? Yes. I think so. Show some pride, Hamilton. -Well, I believe you have to fill out a form. There's a pad right around here. No. I want my money back right now. -No. I want my money back right now. Well, that's not the way it works, really. And you ate most of your food already, too... -Well, that's not the way it works, really. And you ate most of your food already, too... See that sign? It says 100% Money Back Guarantee. Do you know the meaning of the word 'guarantee'? Do they teach you that here? Give me my money back. -I can't do that. But if you wait a minute... Look. Just put your little hand back in the cash register and give me my $2.75 back. Okay? Please, Brad? -Look. Just put your little hand back in the cash register and give me my $2.75 back. Okay? Please, Brad? I'm sorry, sir. Just let me find the forms here. -I'm sorry, sir. Just let me find the forms here. I am so tired. I am so tired of dealing with morons. How hard is it to... -Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna kick 100% of your ass. Manager!! -Hi, Brad. Sis. -Everyone wants to know where Lisa is. How should I know where Lisa is? What am I gonna do? Now my little sister goes to the same high school. The party's over. So who do you have first period? U.S. History. Mr. Hand. -U.S. History. Mr. Hand. Hey-yo. -Mom says to clean up the pool. Why can't you do it? -Why can't you do it? Your friends use the pool. Your friends messed it up. -Your friends use the pool. Your friends messed it up. Your friends use the pool too. -Your friends use the pool too. I take out the garbage. -I take out the garbage. Don't strain yourself. -Brad! Have Mom or Dad seen this? They're not home yet. -They're not home yet. Brad, what would you say if I asked you to just put these flowers in the trunk of the Cruising Vessel and get rid of them at work? -Brad, what would you say if I asked you to just put these flowers in the trunk of the Cruising Vessel and get rid of them at work? I'd say... who the hell is Ron Johnson? -I'd say... who the hell is Ron Johnson? I'll explain everything later. -Thanks for getting rid of those flowers. Don't worry about it. Who sent the flowers? -Don't worry about it. Who sent the flowers? It's just some guy I met at Swenson's. You don't know him. -It's just some guy I met at Swenson's. You don't know him. I don't care it you tell me or not. I got problems of my own. -Is everything okay at work? Are you kidding? Work is great. I kill at work. I don't even mind Mom and Dad making me pay rent. -Are you kidding? Work is great. I kill at work. I don't even mind Mom and Dad making me pay rent. You're going to break up with Lisa, aren't you? -You're going to break up with Lisa, aren't you? I've been doing some thinking. It's my last school year. I'm a single, successful guy. I think I want my freedom. -I've been doing some thinking. It's my last school year. I'm a single, successful guy. I think I want my freedom. Why? Because she won't sleep with you? -Why? Because she won't sleep with you? Where did you hear that? -Where did you hear that? I'm just guessing. -I'm just guessing. Well... it's true. -Well... it's true. Maybe you just need to give her some time. She's so nice, Brad. Everybody loves Lisa. -Maybe you just need to give her some time. She's so nice, Brad. Everybody loves Lisa. Everybody loves Lisa. Everybody loves Lisa. But everybody doesn't have to be her boyfriend. -Hey, Brad. Are you still a virgin? Why? -Why? I don't know. I was just curious. -I don't know. I was just curious. Maybe yes. Maybe no. -Maybe yes. Maybe no. You are a virgin! -You are a virgin! I didn't say that. -I didn't say that. But your face did! -Are you still a virgin? Maybe yes. Maybe no. -Maybe yes. Maybe no. Don't give me that shit! I know you're still a virgin! -Does Mom know you have company? It's just Linda. And Mark from school. -Yeah. This is it. I have some shopping to do. See you later. -See you later. Thanks a lot, Brad. I really appreciate it. -Since when do you shop at the Flea Market anyway? Brad. Please don't tell Mom and Dad... -You're not going to tell me, are you? No. -No. All right, then. It's your secret. -Any problems? No, just a couple of surfers with no shirts on. I took care of it, Dennis. -Did you throw away those fries, Hamilton? They were left over from the last shift. -They were left over from the last shift. Those were perfectly good fries, Hamilton. Perfectly good. -Those were perfectly good fries, Hamilton. Perfectly good. But they weren't mine. -Come on. Clean that counter off Brad. Let's go. Play ball. Okay, Dennis. -Did you threaten this man or use profanity in any way? He insulted me first. He called me a moron. -He insulted me first. He called me a moron. Did you threaten this customer or use profanity in any way? -Did you threaten this customer or use profanity in any way? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. You're fired. -Dad says you have to get up! Ugh. -Leave me alone! Dad says you're late again, you butthole! -Dad says you're late again, you butthole! Leave me alone. -Leave me alone. Dad says! -Jeff you have company! Go away, Curtis. If you can't knock, I can't hear you. -Nice to meet you, Stacy. Nice to meet you. -Hey! We came over to help you with Math homework! Oh, really? -Well, that's exactly why I brought some Wisk for the jacuzzi. O-kay, you guys can come swimming. But you have to leave as soon as my Mom gets home. Okay? -I can't wait until I can drive next year. I walk every day. It's such a drag. Get a ride with somebody. -Get a ride with somebody. Sometimes I get a ride with my brother. But he usually works in the mornings, and then drives to school himself. -Sometimes I get a ride with my brother. But he usually works in the mornings, and then drives to school himself. What a guy. -You know Mark Ratner really likes you. You like him? Mark is a really nice boy... -Do you have any ice tea? Sure. Come on in. -I guess the annuals are coming in pretty soon. Are you going to get one? I don't know. -I don't know. Aren't you curious to see how your class picture turned out? -Aren't you curious to see how your class picture turned out? I know what I look like. -Do you want to take a quick swim? Well... -Well... Brad probably has some trunks you can borrow... I'm going to my room to change! -Pick a suit. I don't know. It's getting pretty late... -Are you really a virgin? Come on... -Listen. I feel pretty strange here. Because Mark really likes you, and he's my friend. He's my friend, too. -You're a really good kisser. So are you. Are you shaking? -So are you. Are you shaking? No. Are you crazy? -Why don't you take off your clothes, Mike? You first. -You first. How about both of us at the same time? -I want you to know that it's your final decision if we should continue or not. Let's continue. -Hey, Mike? What? Are you all right? -What? Are you all right? I think we're making a lot of noise. -I think we're making a lot of noise. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. -What's wrong? I think I came. Didn't you feel it? -I think I came. Didn't you feel it? I guess I did. -Oh. Hi. I didn't see you this morning. -I didn't see you this morning. Look, I'm kind of in a hurry. -Look, I'm kind of in a hurry. I'm in a hurry too. I just thought I could say hi to you. -I'm in a hurry too. I just thought I could say hi to you. Hello. -What's going on? Mike, there's something that's been on my mind and I have to tell you about it. -Mike, there's something that's been on my mind and I have to tell you about it. What? Now? -Why don't you call me up tonight? Mike. I want you to know that I'm pregnant. -How do you know it's mine? We only did it once. I know it's yours. -Take that back. All right, I take it back. -There's only one thing we can do. We've got to get rid of it. We've got to get an abortion. We've got to get an abortion? -We've got to get an abortion? Yeah. My brother Art got his girlfriend one once. -Yeah. My brother Art got his girlfriend one once. It's already planned, Mike. It's going to cost $150 at the Free Clinic. -It's already planned, Mike. It's going to cost $150 at the Free Clinic. Doesn't sound free to me. So you want me to pay for it? -Doesn't sound free to me. So you want me to pay for it? Half. Okay? Seventy-five dollars. And a ride to the clinic. -Half. Okay? Seventy-five dollars. And a ride to the clinic. Seventy-five dollars, and a ride. Okay. -Mike! You have a mess on C-9! All right. All right. I just cleaned B-8. Give me a break. -All right. All right. I just cleaned B-8. Give me a break. Get going. -Do you ever look at those girls who work at Swenson's? They're beautiful. And I have to stand out here and watch them six nights a week. You should work for yourself. -You... are a wuss. Part wimp. Part pussy. What do you mean -- wuss? This girl is my exact type. It's her. Definitely her. -What do you mean -- wuss? This girl is my exact type. It's her. Definitely her. It's definitely your mama. -It's definitely your mama. Damone, you gotta listen to me. -All right... where did you see her? She's in my biology class. -She's in my biology class. Did you get her number? -Did you get her number? No. -No. Did you get her name? -Did you get her name? No. It's too soon. -No. It's too soon. It's never too soon! Girls decide how far to let you go in the first five minutes. -It's never too soon! Girls decide how far to let you go in the first five minutes. Well, what do you want me to do? Go up to this strange girl in my biology class and say, 'Hello! I'd like you to take your clothes off and jump on me?' -Well, what do you want me to do? Go up to this strange girl in my biology class and say, 'Hello! I'd like you to take your clothes off and jump on me?' I would. Yeah. -I would. Yeah. Really? -Really? I can see it all now. This is going to be just like the girl you fell in love with at Fotomat this summer. You bought forty bucks of fuckin' film and you never even talked to her. -I can see it all now. This is going to be just like the girl you fell in love with at Fotomat this summer. You bought forty bucks of fuckin' film and you never even talked to her. You tell me, Mike. What do I do? -You tell me, Mike. What do I do? Okay. Okay. Here's what you do. -Don't talk to her. Let her know. Use your face. Use your body. Use everything. This is what I do. I just sent out the vibe and I have personally found that... girls do respond. Something happens. Of course something happens. You put the vibe out to thirty million chicks, you know something's gonna happen. -Of course something happens. You put the vibe out to thirty million chicks, you know something's gonna happen. That's the idea, Rat. That's The Attitude. -That's the idea, Rat. That's The Attitude. The Attitude? The Attitude dictates that you don't care if she comes, stays, lays or prays. Whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. When you are the cruelest and the coolest... then you have The Attitude. -The business is changing, Rat. I'll tell you, these kids today... they don't even listen to Aerosmith. I hear they all dress like that at Lincoln now. -I hear they all dress like that at Lincoln now. There used to be three or four of those guys. Now we see 'em every time we come to the mall. -Hey, Rat. Yeah? -Yeah? Ace the jacket. -Knock it off, Damone. I need real help. What do you mean? Men have died trying to obtain this information. I will give it to you for free. -Okay. Tell me. What's the Five Point Plan? All right. Pay attention. -And that is how you talk to a girl, Rat. Voila. You can't miss. I think I've got it. Once I get going, I'll be okay. But... how do I get started? I mean, I hardly know her. -I think I've got it. Once I get going, I'll be okay. But... how do I get started? I mean, I hardly know her. You wuss. It's no problem. One person says something to the other and that's how it starts... -Yo. Damone. It's Mark. -Damone. It's Mark. Mark. What happened to your date? -Mark. What happened to your date? It's happening right now. I'm here at the Atlantis. Everything's fine except... I left my wallet at home. -It's happening right now. I'm here at the Atlantis. Everything's fine except... I left my wallet at home. Did you go home and get it? -Did you go home and get it? No. It's too late. The food is coming and everything. Damone, I've got to ask you this favor, and I'll never ask you for anything again in this lifetime or any other. Will you please borrow your mom's car, go by my house, get my wallet, and meet me back here? -Damone, are you there? I'm really pretty busy... -Hey, Mark. Is that you? Damone! You come here? -Damone! You come here? I come for the seafood. It's great! Hey... you know what, Mark? I found your wallet the other day. You want it back? -I come for the seafood. It's great! Hey... you know what, Mark? I found your wallet the other day. You want it back? Wow. I've been looking for that thing! Hey, Damone, have you met Stacy Hamilton? Stacy, this is Mike Damone. -Well, I've gotta be running. Okay. See ya. -Poor guy. Really. -No. I don't think so. Not right now. Chicken! -If you ask me, she's pretty aggressive. You understand what I'm saying? No Damone. I don't understand. -No Damone. I don't understand. She wasn't really your girlfriend anyway. -She wasn't really your girlfriend anyway. Hey fuck you Damone. There's a lot of girls out there and you mess around with Stacy. What have you got to prove? -Hey fuck you Damone. There's a lot of girls out there and you mess around with Stacy. What have you got to prove? Jesus. I'm sorry. -Jesus. I'm sorry. I always stick up for you. Whenever people say 'Aw, that Damone is a loudmouth' -- and they say that a lot -- I say 'You just don't know Damone.' When someone says you're an idiot, I tell them 'Damone's not an idiot. You just don't know him.' Well, you know, Damone, maybe they do know you pretty good. And I'm just finding out. -I always stick up for you. Whenever people say 'Aw, that Damone is a loudmouth' -- and they say that a lot -- I say 'You just don't know Damone.' When someone says you're an idiot, I tell them 'Damone's not an idiot. You just don't know him.' Well, you know, Damone, maybe they do know you pretty good. And I'm just finding out. Fine. Get lost. -You're losing it, Damone. You're crazy. Those girls love me. -The Attitude, Damone, is only good until you meet the right girl. Whatever you say, Rat. -And... you can only tell it's the right girl if you're sensitive. Sensitive -- what is that? -Sensitive -- what is that? Sensitive is when you can tell how people feel without asking. -Sensitive is when you can tell how people feel without asking. So what makes you so sensitive? -So what makes you so sensitive? Well, for one, I read. I don't watch as much television as you. I'm trying to feel things more. I'm learning a lot about people. -Well, for one, I read. I don't watch as much television as you. I'm trying to feel things more. I'm learning a lot about people. What do you read? What's the last book you read? -What do you read? What's the last book you read? Lust For Life. It's the story of Vincent Van Gough. -Lust For Life. It's the story of Vincent Van Gough. Yeah, well, I saw the movie. That must mean I'm sensitive too. -Yeah, well, I saw the movie. That must mean I'm sensitive too. It's a way, Damone. It's a vibe. I put it out, and I have personally found that girls do respond. -Are you Linda Barrett? Yes. -Yes. I'm Carrie Frazier from Toys 'R Us. Judy Hinton from May Company told me I could ask you something. -All right, what you want to do is go to the Free Clinic and tell the doctor that you have sex regularly -- several times a week -- and that you need Nornel One Plus Fifty's. And they don't call my parents? -And they don't call my parents? Not if you're over sixteen. -Not if you're over sixteen. Okay. Thanks a lot, Linda. -Okay. Thanks a lot, Linda. And don't let them talk you into a diaphragm either. -How've you been? Outrageous, Merv. Nice to be here. I feel great. -Outrageous, Merv. Nice to be here. I feel great. I was going to say... your eyes look a little red. -I was going to say... your eyes look a little red. I've been swimming, Merv. -Seriously, Merv, everything is great. I was thinking about picking up some hash this weekend, maybe going up to the mountains. I wanted to talk a little bit about school, if I could... -I wanted to talk a little bit about school, if I could... School. School is no problem. All you have to do is go to get the grades. And if you know something, all you have to do is go about half the time. -School. School is no problem. All you have to do is go to get the grades. And if you know something, all you have to do is go about half the time. How often do you go? -How often do you go? I don't go at all. -I hear you brought a film clip with you. Do you want to set it up for us? Well, it pretty much speaks for itself. Peter, you want to run with it? -Merv, this is the action down at Sunset Cliffs at about six in the morning. Fascinating. -Who's that? That's me, Merv. -Are you going to ride that wave? Totally. -What's going through your mind right here, Jeff? The danger of it all? Merv, I'm thinking... I've only got about four good hours of surfing left before these little clowns from junior high start showing up with their boogie boards. -Hey, slow down. This is my brother's car. I thought he was out of town. -I thought he was out of town. He is. -He is. Then don't hassle it. -Seen the new Playboy? Naw. Any good? -Naw. Any good? Suzanne Somers' tits. -Suzanne Somers' tits. All right. -All right. I like sex. -What the fuck is this guy doing? This ain't no cop. -It's a bunch of Jocks in a Granada! They're fuckin' with us. -My brother's car! All right. Die, Granada Jocks! -We just missed the turnoff to the party. You know the thing I love about Mustangs? The steering wheel. -My brother is going to kill us. He's gonna kill you and then he's gonna kill me. He's gonna kill us. Just be glad you're all right. -Just be glad you're all right. My brother is gonna shit. -My brother is gonna shit. Make up your mind. Is he gonna shit, or is he gonna kill us? -Make up your mind. Is he gonna shit, or is he gonna kill us? First he's gonna shit. And then he's gonna kill us. -First he's gonna shit. And then he's gonna kill us. Will you just relax, mon? He's not gonna kill us. My father is a television repairman. He's got all kinds of tools. I can fix-this car. -Will you just relax, mon? He's not gonna kill us. My father is a television repairman. He's got all kinds of tools. I can fix-this car. You can't fix this car, Spicoli. -That's him! He did it! Hey, mon, I don't know what your trip is, but... -How's it going. Do you think that guy's cute? -Don't you like him? Yeah, but I fucked up. You can take it. Really. -Yeah, but I fucked up. You can take it. Really. Come on, Stacy, it's your section and your man. -Come on, Stacy, it's your section and your man. What should I do? -What should I do? Just take his order, look him in the eye and if he says anything remotely funny, laugh a lot. -He gave me his card. 'Ron Johnson, Audio Consultant.' Should we buy a frame for that? -Should we buy a frame for that? Come on, Linda, I haven't had a boyfriend all summer. You promised when I started working at the mall that my life would change... Do you think he'll call this week? -Come on, Linda, I haven't had a boyfriend all summer. You promised when I started working at the mall that my life would change... Do you think he'll call this week? Listen, Stace, you want to know about guys? I'll tell you. They're mostly chicken. Before I met Doug I chased after every guy I thought was cute. I thought if I gave out a vibe they'd get the message and call me up. Well, guess what? They don't call. -Listen, Stace, you want to know about guys? I'll tell you. They're mostly chicken. Before I met Doug I chased after every guy I thought was cute. I thought if I gave out a vibe they'd get the message and call me up. Well, guess what? They don't call. So what did you do? -So what did you do? I called them. If I was sitting next to a guy and I wanted to sit closer, I'd sit closer. If I wanted to kiss him, I'd just do it. You want Ron Johnson? Grab him. -I called them. If I was sitting next to a guy and I wanted to sit closer, I'd sit closer. If I wanted to kiss him, I'd just do it. You want Ron Johnson? Grab him. I can't do that. -Face it. With some guys you have to make the first move. A lot of guys are just... wussies. Really? -Really? Stacy, what are you waiting for? You're fifteen. I did it when I was thirteen. It's no huge thing. It's just sex. If you don't, one of the other girls will. -Stacy, what are you waiting for? You're fifteen. I did it when I was thirteen. It's no huge thing. It's just sex. If you don't, one of the other girls will. He was hot, wasn't he? -He was hot, wasn't he? If I didn't have a fiancé in Chicago, I'd go for it. -I can't believe I start high school tomorrow. Believe it. -I hear some surfer pulled a knife on Mr. Hand this morning. No way! He just called him a dick. -No way! He just called him a dick. God. People exaggerate so much at this school. -Linda. That girl looks just like Pat Benatar. I know. -Do you think guys find that attractive? Oh, give me a break, Stacy. You're much prettier than them. -Yeah but they look more sophisticated. You'd probably think they'd be better in bed. What do you mean 'better in bed.' You either do it or you don't. -What do you mean 'better in bed.' You either do it or you don't. No there are variables that, like, I might not be good at. -No there are variables that, like, I might not be good at. What variables? -What variables? Like, you know, giving blow jobs. -Like, you know, giving blow jobs. What's the big deal? -What's the big deal? Well I never did it. -Well I never did it. There's nothing to it. -Just kidding. About 10cc. Oh! That's where that group got its name from. -Was it great? It was okay. -It was okay. You'll always remember your first time. -You'll always remember your first time. It was nice. -It was nice. So tell me, do you like Ron? Is it serious? -So tell me, do you like Ron? Is it serious? Come on, Linda. It's just sex. -Come on, Linda. It's just sex. Hey! That's my line! -There... There's his car. I know he's at work tonight. He hasn't come into Swenson's since he called my house. My mother told him I was still at high school, after I told him I was nineteen. I guess I should tell him I'm fifteen. Don't you dare, you'll never hear from him again. -Don't you dare, you'll never hear from him again. Does Doug care that you're seventeen? -Does Doug care that you're seventeen? Doug sees beyond that stuff to what the person inside is like. That's why I'm marrying him. -Doug sees beyond that stuff to what the person inside is like. That's why I'm marrying him. If he ever calls again I'll say I'm eighteen. -If he ever calls again I'll say I'm eighteen. Boy I am so glad to be through with all these games. -You've got to get used to working Christmas. People are always screaming and yelling... then they get home and they're all Christmasy. I think Christmas brings out the worst in people. -I think Christmas brings out the worst in people. I guess Ron hasn't called yet. -I guess Ron hasn't called yet. Not since November. -Don't you think it meant anything to him. Even if I am fifteen? Stacy. What does it matter? He's a stereo salesman. You want to marry him? You want to have kids with him? You want this guy to come home, fifty years old, and he's still got that little Pacific Stereo badge on? Come on. -I should quit this job. I'm going to get so fat working here... nobody will ever take me out. Stacy. How many times do I have to tell you? You are really going to be beautiful... someday. -Stacy. How many times do I have to tell you? You are really going to be beautiful... someday. Thanks a lot. -What do you think of that guy who works at the theatre? You know, Mark Ratner. Oh, come on. What is he? Fifteen? -Oh, come on. What is he? Fifteen? Sixteen. -I sent a letter to Doug today. I'll be so glad when he gets out here. You really ought to look at this, Linda. There's a drawing on every page... and all these quizzes. It's like school. -You really ought to look at this, Linda. There's a drawing on every page... and all these quizzes. It's like school. Why don't you put your mother's secret book back? -Listen to this... 'What are your mate's three most erogenous zones?' Okay, penis, that's one, balls... -Okay, penis, that's one, balls... Wouldn't penis and balls be the same category? -Wouldn't penis and balls be the same category? You're right. Probably penis, mouth and neck. -You're right. Probably penis, mouth and neck. All right! Here's another one. 'The most satisfactory lovemaking occurs when your mate climaxes first, you climax first, you and your mate climax together?' -All right! Here's another one. 'The most satisfactory lovemaking occurs when your mate climaxes first, you climax first, you and your mate climax together?' Climax together. -Climax together. Does that ever happen? -Does that ever happen? No. But it's a nice idea. -No. But it's a nice idea. Listen to this... it says 'Most women derive pleasure from sex, but they don't have real orgasms.' -How long does Doug take? I don't know. Thirty to forty minutes. -I don't know. Thirty to forty minutes. What's Doug do in Chicago? -What's Doug do in Chicago? He works for the airline. He'll be out here. You'll meet him. -What do you think? I think they're both virgins. -I didn't ask for any help. Did you, Linda? No. -God, he hardly even talks anymore. I know. He hates to have to wear uniforms. -Stacy! I've got water in my ears. Do you have any Q-Tips? God, I don't think so. Better look in the house. -God, Stacy, it's not that sad. It's just David Soul and Ricardo Montalban. I don't know, I'm just so depressed. Everything is just so... depressing. -You have been acting very strange the last few weeks. I don't know... I just don't feel right. -What do you think it is? What do you think it is? -What do you think it is? It couldn't be. -It couldn't be. It could be. I had a pregnancy test at the clinic. I'll find out Monday. I guess it was Damone. -It could be. I had a pregnancy test at the clinic. I'll find out Monday. I guess it was Damone. Of course it was Damone. If it was Ron Johnson, you'd be out to here! -Of course it was Damone. If it was Ron Johnson, you'd be out to here! I'm not going to tell him. He's an asshole. I hate him. -I'm not going to tell him. He's an asshole. I hate him. But it costs money to have an abortion. Even at the Free Clinic. You tell Damone to pay for it. It's the least he can do. It's the guy's responsibility too. -You know, there's one thing you didn't tell me about guys. What? -What? You didn't tell me that they can be so nice, so great... but then you sleep with them and they start acting like they're five years old. -You didn't tell me that they can be so nice, so great... but then you sleep with them and they start acting like they're five years old. You're right. I didn't tell you that. -I really thought he would show up. I waited... and waited... and waited... That little prick. -That little prick. Then I called his house, and his mother told me he was in the garage helping his father. -Then I called his house, and his mother told me he was in the garage helping his father. That little prick. -That little prick. I paid for it and everything. -I paid for it and everything. There goes your stereo for another year. Mike Damone is a no-brain little prick. I'm not letting him get away with this. -There goes your stereo for another year. Mike Damone is a no-brain little prick. I'm not letting him get away with this. Don't do anything, Linda. I'd rather just forget about it. I don't even like the guy. -Don't do anything, Linda. I'd rather just forget about it. I don't even like the guy. Stacy, he's not a guy. He's a little prick! -Another summer of working at Swenson's. Come on. There's lots of men around here. Keep your eyes open. -Come on. There's lots of men around here. Keep your eyes open. You know, Linda. I've finally figured it out. It's not sex I want. Anyone can have sex. -You know, Linda. I've finally figured it out. It's not sex I want. Anyone can have sex. What do you want? -What do you want? I want romance. -I want romance. Romance in Ridgemont? We don't even get cable TV. -Where's Doug? He's not coming. -He's not coming. Not coming? What happened? -Not coming? What happened? He says he's got to stay in Chicago. He says I should visit him sometimes. -He says he's got to stay in Chicago. He says I should visit him sometimes. Sometime? -Sometime? Yeah, like maybe never. -Yeah, like maybe never. But what are you going to do? -But what are you going to do? Well I might go to Dartmouth. -Well I might go to Dartmouth. Dartmouth?! -Dartmouth?! I didn't tell anyone I applied cause I never thought I'd make it. -I didn't tell anyone I applied cause I never thought I'd make it. I can't believe it! But what about Doug? -I can't believe it! But what about Doug? There's a world of guys out there. I just wish I didn't have to date any of them. -There's a world of guys out there. I just wish I didn't have to date any of them. Hey -- Doug Stallworth? It's his loss. -Yeah. I'm registered for this class. What class? -What class? This is U.S. History, right? I saw the globe in the window. -This is U.S. History, right? I saw the globe in the window. Really? -Can I come in? Oh, please. I get so lonely when that third attendance bell rings and I don't see all my kids here. -Mr. Spicoli? That's the name they gave me. -You just ripped my card in two! Yes. -Yes. Hey, bud. What's your problem? -Hey! Wait a minute! There's no birthday party for me here! Thank you, Desmond. What's the reason for your truancy? -Thank you, Desmond. What's the reason for your truancy? I couldn't make it in time. -I couldn't make it in time. You mean, you couldn't? Or you wouldn't? -You mean, you couldn't? Or you wouldn't? I don't know, mon. The food lines took forever. -I don't know, mon. The food lines took forever. Food will be eaten on your time! Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli? Why do you shamelessly waste my time like this? -Food will be eaten on your time! Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli? Why do you shamelessly waste my time like this? I don't know. -Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing? Learning about Cuba. Having some food. -Learning about Cuba. Having some food. Mr. Spicoli, you're on dangerous ground here. You're causing a major disturbance in my class and on my time. -Mr. Spicoli, you're on dangerous ground here. You're causing a major disturbance in my class and on my time. I've been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I'm here... and you're here... doesn't that make it our time? -You better save some for me, you swine! And you, my friend. I'll see you for a two-hour detention every afternoon this week. -Mr... Mr. Hand. That's right, Jeff. Mind if I come in? -Were you going somewhere tonight, Jeff? Yeah. The Graduation Dance Mr. Hand. It's the last school event of the year. -Yeah. The Graduation Dance Mr. Hand. It's the last school event of the year. I'm afraid we've got some things to discuss here, Jeff. -I'm afraid we've got some things to discuss here, Jeff. Did I do something wrong, Mr. Hand? -Do you want to sit there, Jeff? I don't know. I guess so. -I don't know. I guess so. Fine. You sit right here on your bed. I'll use the chair here. As I explained to your parents just a moment ago, and to you many times since the very beginning of the school year -- I don't like to spend my time waiting for late students, or detention cases. I'd rather be preparing the lesson. -Now, Mr. Spicoli, comes a rare moment for me. Now I have the unique pleasure of squaring our account. Tonight, you and I are going to talk in great detail about the Davis Agreement, all the associated treaties, and the American Revolution in particular. Now if you can just turn to Chapter 47 of Lord of Truth And Liberty. Hey, it's in my locker, Mr. Hand. -Hey, it's in my locker, Mr. Hand. Well, then, I'm glad I remembered to bring an extra copy just for you. -I think I've made my point with you tonight. Hey, Mr. Hand, can I ask you a question? -Hey, Mr. Hand, can I ask you a question? What's that? -What's that? Do you have a guy like me every year? A guy to... I don't know, make a show of. Teach other kids lessons and stuff? -Do you have a guy like me every year? A guy to... I don't know, make a show of. Teach other kids lessons and stuff? Well, you'll find out next year. -Well, you'll find out next year. No way, mon. When I graduate U.S. history I ain't even coming over to your side of the building. -No way, mon. When I graduate U.S. history I ain't even coming over to your side of the building. If you graduate. -If you graduate. You're gonna flunk me?! -Don't worry, Spicoli. You'll probably squeak by. All right! Oh, yeah! -Aloha, Mr. Hand! Aloha, Spicoli. -You look like you could still be in high school. I know, everyone says that. -What can I get for you tonight. How about your phone number? -Thanks for picking me up. No problem. -'The Cuer-vo Gold, the fi-ine Columbian.' You look nice tonight. Thanks. So do you. -Thanks. So do you. Where do you feel like going? -Where do you feel like going? I don't know. Wherever you want. -I don't know. Wherever you want. How about the point? -How about the point? The point sounds fine. -The point sounds fine. All right, the point it is. -That's a nice shirt. Thanks. Thanks a lot. -It's very warm out tonight. It is. It's very warm. I wonder how long it will last? -Are you really nineteen? Yes... I am really nineteen. -I think I better take you home. What about those other guys you live with? -What about those other guys you live with? No. I mean back to your home. -Is this your first time? Yes. -What do you do with the jackets people leave here? We keep them. -We keep them. You keep them. -You keep them. We keep them, in case the people come back. -What's your other question? My other question is... can-I-have your-phone-number-so-I-can-ask-you out-sometime? -Do you have a pen? This one's out of ink. Oh... yes. -Thanks for coming to get me. Sure thing. -This is a nice car. Yeah. It's my sister's. -Do you have Mrs. George for English? Yeah. She is pretty good. -Yeah. She is pretty good. Yeah. She is pretty good. -Joey at Cinema Four said this is a pretty good restaurant. I've heard that, too. -Do you know what you want? I think I'll have the Seafood Salad Special. -I think I'll have the Seafood Salad Special. Excellent. -Are you all right? Oh yeah. -Do you mind if I excuse myself for a moment? Not at all. -Sure. I'll... have another Coke. Two more Cokes. -I had a really nice time tonight. Me, too. I'm real sorry someone broke in and stole your tape deck. -I never thought it would happen at The Atlantis. Jeez. Do you want to come inside? -Do you want to come inside? Aren't your parents asleep? -Aren't your parents asleep? No, they're away for the weekend. Brad and I are watching the house. -No, they're away for the weekend. Brad and I are watching the house. Okay. Sure. I'll come in. -Where's your brother? I don't know. Probably out. Want something to drink? -I don't know. Probably out. Want something to drink? No. That's okay. -No. That's okay. Well, I'm going to change real quick. I hope you don't mind. -Well, I'm going to change real quick. I hope you don't mind. Naw. I don't mind. -So... pretty nice house you've got here. Thanks. So... What do you want to do? -I don't know. Do you want to see some pictures? I kept a lot of scrapbooks and pictures and stuff from junior high. How stupid, right? -Do you want to see some pictures? I kept a lot of scrapbooks and pictures and stuff from junior high. How stupid, right? Sure. -This is me in the eighth grade. Did you have Mr. Deegan? Oh, yeah. I had Mr. Deegan. -...I've got to go home. Do you really have to go? -Do you really have to go? Well... it's getting kind of late. -Where's Mike today? Today's April 16th. Damone never comes to school on April 16th. -Today's April 16th. Damone never comes to school on April 16th. What's April 16th? -What's April 16th? It's John Bonham's birthday. -It's John Bonham's birthday. John Bonham? -John Bonham? John Bonham. The drummer for Led Zeppelin. He died a couple years ago. Every birthday he stays home and plays everything John Bonham ever recorded. It's like his own holiday. -John Bonham. The drummer for Led Zeppelin. He died a couple years ago. Every birthday he stays home and plays everything John Bonham ever recorded. It's like his own holiday. Oh. I see. -I made a fool of myself. Nobody noticed. Don't worry about it. We'll just stay out here until everyone comes out, we'll blend back in. -Nobody noticed. Don't worry about it. We'll just stay out here until everyone comes out, we'll blend back in. What about the notes? -What about the notes? I'll get you the notes. -Hi, Mark. Hi, Stacy. How are you? -Hi, Stacy. How are you? I'm fine. Mark, I'm so glad you came over here because I want you to know something. I just thought I would tell you that I really enjoyed getting to know you this year. -Yeah? About fifty people I didn't know wrote that in my annual. I know everybody says it, but I really mean it. -Really? Yeah. I want you to have this picture, so you won't forget what I look like. And so you'll remember to call me over the summer. -Well, I don't know, I may be doing some traveling this summer. I don't know how much I'll be around... But I'll give you a call sometime. I'd like that. -Are you ready to order here? Well... sure. She will have the Seafood Salad Special. And I will have... the same. -Well... sure. She will have the Seafood Salad Special. And I will have... the same. Anything to drink? -Anything to drink? Two Cokes. -Two Cokes. Okay. Thanks. -Are you sure there's nothing else I can bring you? I'll have one more Coke... Do you want another Coke, Stacy? -Sir? This telegram came for you. Actually, it isn't for you. It's for somebody named Thompson, but it says 'care of Raoul Duke'. Does that make sense? Yes... It makes sense. -I checked the register for this man Thompson. We don't show him but I figured he might be part of your team. He is. Don't worry, I'll get it to him. -What confused us was Dr. Gonzo's signature on the telegram from Los Angeles. When we knew he was right here in the hotel. You did the right thing. Never try to understand a press message. About half the time we use codes -- especially with Dr. Gonzo. -You did the right thing. Never try to understand a press message. About half the time we use codes -- especially with Dr. Gonzo. Tell me. When will the doctor be awake? -Tell me. When will the doctor be awake? Awake? What do you mean? -Well... the manager, Mr. Heem, would like to meet him. Nothing unusual. Mr. Heem likes to meet all our large accounts... put them on a personal basis... just a chat and a handshake, you understand. Of course. But if I were you, I'd leave the Doctor alone until after he's eaten breakfast. He's a very crude man. -But he will be available? Perhaps later this morning? Look. That telegram was all scrambled. It was actually from Thompson, not to him. Western Union must have gotten the names reversed. I have to get going. I have to get out to the track. -Look. That telegram was all scrambled. It was actually from Thompson, not to him. Western Union must have gotten the names reversed. I have to get going. I have to get out to the track. There's no hurry! The race is over! -There's no hurry! The race is over! Not for me. -Let's have lunch! Righto! -Of course, I could hear what the Clerk was really saying... "Listen, you fuzzy little shithead -- I've been fucked around, in my time, by a fairly good cross-section of mean-tempered rule-crazy cops and now it's MY turn. ""Fuck you, officer, I'm in charge here, and I'm telling you we don't have room for you.""" -Certainly, Mr. Duke! My bags are out there in that white Cadillac convertible. Can you have someone drive it around to the room? -Oh, and could I get a quart of Wild Turkey, two fifths of Baccardi, and a night's worth of ice delivered to my room, please? Don't worry about a thing, sir. Just enjoy your stay. -Don't worry about a thing, sir. Just enjoy your stay. Well, thank you. -What's the message? My light is blinking. "Ah, yes. Mr. Duke? You have one message: ""Call Lucy at the Americana Hotel, room 1600.""" -"Ah, yes. Mr. Duke? You have one message: ""Call Lucy at the Americana Hotel, room 1600.""" Holy shit! -Mr. Duke? Hello, Mr. Duke, I'm sorry we were cut off a moment ago... I thought I should call again, because I was wondering... WHAT? What was that crazy bitch said to him? There's a war on, man! People are being killed! -WHAT? What was that crazy bitch said to him? There's a war on, man! People are being killed! Killed? -Killed? IN VIETNAM! ON THE GODDAMN TELEVISION! -IN VIETNAM! ON THE GODDAMN TELEVISION! Oh... yes... yes... This terrible war. When will it end? -Oh... yes... yes... This terrible war. When will it end? Tell me. What do you want? -The woman who left that message for you sounded very disturbed. I think she was crying... Crying? Why was she crying? -Crying? Why was she crying? Well, uh. She didn't say Mr. Duke. But since I know you're here with the Police Convention... -Well, uh. She didn't say Mr. Duke. But since I know you're here with the Police Convention... Look, you want to be gentle with that woman if she ever calls again. We're watching her very carefully... this woman has been into laudanum. It's a controlled experiment, but I suspect we'll need your cooperation before this thing is over. -Look, you want to be gentle with that woman if she ever calls again. We're watching her very carefully... this woman has been into laudanum. It's a controlled experiment, but I suspect we'll need your cooperation before this thing is over. Well, certainly... We're always happy to cooperate with the police... -Well, certainly... We're always happy to cooperate with the police... Don't worry. You're protected. Just treat this poor woman like you'd treat any other human being in trouble. -Don't worry. You're protected. Just treat this poor woman like you'd treat any other human being in trouble. What? Ah... yes, yes, I see what you mean... Yes... so, you'll be responsible then? -What? Ah... yes, yes, I see what you mean... Yes... so, you'll be responsible then? Of course. And now I have to get back to the news. Send up some ice. -Rum and ice, please. You're another one of these California boys. Your friend here's been tellin' us about dope fiends. -You're another one of these California boys. Your friend here's been tellin' us about dope fiends. They're everywhere. Nobody's safe. And sure as hell not in the South. They like warm weather... You'd never believe it. In L.A. it's out of control. First it was drugs, now it's witchcraft. -They're everywhere. Nobody's safe. And sure as hell not in the South. They like warm weather... You'd never believe it. In L.A. it's out of control. First it was drugs, now it's witchcraft. Witchcraft? Shit, you can't mean it! -Naw! That's science fiction stuff! Not where we operate. -Naked!? Naked. -Cut their goddamn heads off. Every one of them. That's what we're doing in California. WHAT? -Hell, no. We'd never hear the goddamn end of it. Dobermans don't talk. -Dobermans don't talk. What? -I'm a whiskey man myself. We don't have much trouble from drugs where I come from... You will. One of these nights you'll wake up and find a junkie tearing your bedroom apart. -You will. One of these nights you'll wake up and find a junkie tearing your bedroom apart. Naw! -Naw! They'll climb right into your bedroom and sit on your chest with big Bowie knives. They might even sit on your wife's chest. Put the blade right down on her throat. -They'll climb right into your bedroom and sit on your chest with big Bowie knives. They might even sit on your wife's chest. Put the blade right down on her throat. Not down in my parts. -What happened? What did they do to her? Do? Jesus Christ, man. They chopped her goddamn head off right there in the parking lot! Then they cut all kinds of holes in her head and sucked out the blood! -Do? Jesus Christ, man. They chopped her goddamn head off right there in the parking lot! Then they cut all kinds of holes in her head and sucked out the blood! And nobody did anything? -Yeh. The big guy used to be a major in the Marines. A major! -A major! We know where he lives, but we can't get near the house. -We know where he lives, but we can't get near the house. Naw! Not a major. -Naw! Not a major. He wanted the pineal gland. -He wanted the pineal gland. Really? -Really? That's how he got so big. When he quit the Marines he was just a little guy. -Hell, I really hate to hear this. Because everything that happens in California seems to get down our way, sooner or later. Mostly Atlanta. But that was back when the goddamn bastards were peaceful. All we had to do was to keep 'em under surveillance. They didn't roam around much... But now Jesus, it seems nobody's safe. You're going to need to take the bull by the horns -- go to the mat with this scum. -You're going to need to take the bull by the horns -- go to the mat with this scum. What do you mean by that? -What do you mean by that? You know what I mean. We've done it before and we can damn well do it again! -Where ya comin' from, young man? Las Vegas. -Las Vegas. A great town, that Vegas. I bet you had good luck there. You're the type. -A great town, that Vegas. I bet you had good luck there. You're the type. I know. I'm a triple Scorpio. -I know. I'm a triple Scorpio. That's a fine combination. You can't lose. -Oh, my God!... This is my granddaughter... -This is my granddaughter... Don't worry... ...and I'm actually the District Attorney from Ignoto County. Just another good American like yourself. -I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney! He's not just some dingbat I found on the Strip. He's a foreigner. I think he's probably Samoan. But it doesn't matter, does it? Are you prejudiced? Hell, no! -Hell, no! I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is extremely valuable to me. Hell, I forgot all about this beer. You want one? How about some ether? -I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is extremely valuable to me. Hell, I forgot all about this beer. You want one? How about some ether? What? -What? Never mind. Let's get right to the heart of this thing. Twenty-four hours ago we were sitting in the Pogo Lounge of the Beverly Wills Hotel... -Thanks for the ride. Thanks a lot. I like you guys. Don't worry about me. Wait a minute! Come back and have a beer! -"""One toke over the line, sweet Jesus.""" One toke. You poor fool. Wait till you see those goddamn bats. -We're your friends. We're not like the others. No more of that talk or I'll put the leeches on you. -If so -- well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere. Because it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency, and they'll run us down like dogs... Jesus! Did I say that? -Jesus! Did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me? -Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me? It's okay. He's admiring the shape of your skull. -God hell! I think I see the pattern! This one sounds like real trouble! You're going to need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over. As your attorney I must advise you that you'll need a very fast car with no top and after that, the cocaine. And then the tape recorder, for special music, and some Acapulco shirts... This blows my weekend, because naturally I'll have to go with you -- and we'll have to arm ourselves. Why not? If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing right. -I tell you, my man. This is the American Dream in action! We'd be fools not to ride this strange torpedo all the way to the end. Indeed. We must do it. What kind of story is this? -O.K., O.K., yes. Hang onto it. We'll be there in thirty minutes. I finally located a car with adequate horsepower and the proper coloring. What?! OF COURSE the gentleman has a major credit card! Do you realize who the fuck you're talking to? Don't take any guff from these swine. Now we need a sound store with the finest equipment. Nothing dinky. One of those new Belgian Heliowatts with a voice-activated shotgun mike, for picking up conversations in oncoming cars. -Don't take any guff from these swine. Now we need a sound store with the finest equipment. Nothing dinky. One of those new Belgian Heliowatts with a voice-activated shotgun mike, for picking up conversations in oncoming cars. We won't make the nut unless we have unlimited credit. -We won't make the nut unless we have unlimited credit. We will. You Samoans are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the white man's culture. -...and we're chock full of that! Damn right! -Damn right! My attorney understands this concept, despite his racial handicap. But do you?! -He said he understood, but I could see in his eyes that he didn't. He was lying to me. My heart! -Where's the medicine? The medicine? Yes, it's right here. -Turn up the fucking music! My heart feels like an alligator! Volume! Clarity! Bass! We must have bass! What's wrong with us? Are you goddamn old ladies? You scurvy shyster bastard! Watch your language! You're talking to a Doctor of Journalism! -You scurvy shyster bastard! Watch your language! You're talking to a Doctor of Journalism! What the fuck are we doing out here? Somebody call the police! We need help! -What the fuck are we doing out here? Somebody call the police! We need help! Pay no attention to this swine. He can't handle the medicine. -Pay no attention to this swine. He can't handle the medicine. The truth is we're going to Vegas to croak a scag baron named Savage Henry. I've known him for years but he ripped us off -- and you know what that means, right? -Savage Henry has cashed his check! We're going to rip his lungs out! And eat them! That bastard won't get away with this! What's going on in this country when a scum sucker like that can get away with sandbagging a Doctor of Journalism? -Oh, Jesus! Did you see what god just did to us? God didn't do that! You did it! You're a fucking narcotics agent, that was our cocaine, you pig! -God didn't do that! You did it! You're a fucking narcotics agent, that was our cocaine, you pig! You better be careful. Plenty of vultures out here. They'll pick your bones clean before morning. -You better be careful. Plenty of vultures out here. They'll pick your bones clean before morning. You whore! -How long do I have? Maybe thirty more minutes. As your attorney, I advise you to drive at top speed. It'll be a goddamn miracle if we can get there before you turn into a wild animal. Are you ready for that? Checking into a Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud and a head full of acid. -Maybe thirty more minutes. As your attorney, I advise you to drive at top speed. It'll be a goddamn miracle if we can get there before you turn into a wild animal. Are you ready for that? Checking into a Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud and a head full of acid. Thirty minutes. It was going to be very close. -Two Cuba Libres with beer and mescal on the side. Who's Lacerda, he's waiting for us in a room on the twelfth floor? Lacerda? -I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo. And somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things! It won't be long before they tear us to shreds! If you think we're in trouble now wait until you see what's happening in the elevators. -I just went upstairs to see this man Lacerda. I told him I knew what he was up to... He says he's a photographer! But when I mentioned Savage Henry he freaked! He knows we're onto him! But what about our room? And the golf shoes? -That's the press table. Where you have to sign in for our credentials. Shit, let's get it over with. You handle that, and I'll check on the room. No, no. Don't leave me! -Shoot it. Not yet. I want to study its habits. -What are you talking about? You bastard! They'll never let us back in that place. I leave you alone for three minutes and you start waving that goddamn marlin spike around -- yelling about reptiles! You scared the shit out of those people! They were ready to call the cops. Hell, the only reason they gave us press passes was to get you out of there... -That's good... I think he's lying to us. I could see it in his eyes. -I think he's lying to us. I could see it in his eyes. They'll probably have a big net for us when we show up. -Total control now. Tooling along the main drag on a Saturday night in Vegas, two good old boys in a fire apple red convertible... stoned, ripped, twisted... Good people! "How about ""Nickel Nick's Slot Arcade?"" ""Hot Slots,"" that sounds heavy. Twenty- nine cent hotdogs..." -"How about ""Nickel Nick's Slot Arcade?"" ""Hot Slots,"" that sounds heavy. Twenty- nine cent hotdogs..." Look, what are we doing here? Are we here to entertain ourselves, or to do the job? -Look, what are we doing here? Are we here to entertain ourselves, or to do the job? To do the job, of course. Here we go... a Crab Louie and quart of muscatel for twenty dollars! -Why? Why what? -Holy shit! They almost had us there! That was quick thinking. What do you expect? I'm your attorney. You owe me five bucks. I want it now. -Jesus creeping shit! Did the mescaline just kick in? Or was that Debbie Reynolds in a silver Afro wig?! -Did the mescaline just kick in? Or was that Debbie Reynolds in a silver Afro wig?! We wandered into a fucking time capsule! -This is the place. They'll never fuck with us here. Where's the ether? This mescaline isn't working. -Some angry Rotarian shoves you and you think: What's happening here? What's going on? Then you hear yourself mumbling. Dogs fucked the Pope, no fault of mine. Watch out!... Why money? My name is Brinks; I was born... Born? -Dogs fucked the Pope, no fault of mine. Watch out!... Why money? My name is Brinks; I was born... Born? Get sheep over side... women and children to armored car... orders from Captain Zeep. -I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I'm getting The Fear. Nonsense. We came here to find the American Dream, and now we're right in the vortex you want to quit. You must realize that we've found the Main Nerve. -Nonsense. We came here to find the American Dream, and now we're right in the vortex you want to quit. You must realize that we've found the Main Nerve. That's what gives me The Fear. -That's what gives me The Fear. Look over there. Two women fucking a Polar Bear. -Look over there. Two women fucking a Polar Bear. Please, don't tell me those things... Not now. This is my last drink. How much money can you lend me? -Please, don't tell me those things... Not now. This is my last drink. How much money can you lend me? Not much. Why? -Not much. Why? I have to go. -I have to go. GO? -GO? Yes. Leave the country. Tonight. -Yes. Leave the country. Tonight. Calm down. You'll be straight in a few hours. -Calm down. You'll be straight in a few hours. No. This is serious. One more hour in this town and I'll kill somebody! -No. This is serious. One more hour in this town and I'll kill somebody! OK. I'll lend you some money. Let's go outside and see how much we have left. -OK. I'll lend you some money. Let's go outside and see how much we have left. Can we make it? -Can we make it? That depends on how many people we fuck with between here and the door. -That depends on how many people we fuck with between here and the door. I want to leave fast. -I want to leave fast. OK. Lets pay this bill and get up very slowly. It's going to be a long walk. -OK. Lets pay this bill and get up very slowly. It's going to be a long walk. Do they pay you to screw that bear? -When does this thing stop? It won't stop. It's not ever going to stop. -Did you see that? Some sonofabitch kicked me in the back. Probably the bartender. He wanted to stomp you for what you said to the waitress. -Probably the bartender. He wanted to stomp you for what you said to the waitress. Good God! Let's get out of here! Where's the elevator? -Good God! Let's get out of here! Where's the elevator? Don't go near that elevator. That's just what they want us to do... trap us in a steel box and take us down to the basement. -Don't run. They'd like any excuse to shoot us. You drive! I think there's something wrong with me. -Yeah... I thought we might need it... What for? -Let's go up there and blast him out of bed with the fire hose. No, we should leave the poor bastard alone. I get the feeling that he's avoiding us for some reason. -No, we should leave the poor bastard alone. I get the feeling that he's avoiding us for some reason. Don't kid yourself. That Portuguese son of a bitch is dangerous. He's watching us like a hawk. -Don't kid yourself. That Portuguese son of a bitch is dangerous. He's watching us like a hawk. He told me he was turning in early... -That dirty bastard! I knew it! He's got hold of my woman! That little blonde groupie with the film crew? You think he sodomized her? -That little blonde groupie with the film crew? You think he sodomized her? That's right, laugh about it! You goddamn honkies are all the same! -Where'd you get that knife? Room service sent it up. I wanted something to cut the limes. -Room service sent it up. I wanted something to cut the limes. What limes? -What limes? They didn't have any. They don't grow in the desert. -Have you made a deal with him? Did you put him on to her? Look you better put that blade away and get your head straight. I have to put the car in the lot. -You evil son of a bitch. You better hope there's some Thorazine in that bag, because if there's not, you're in bad trouble. Music! Turn it up. Put that tape on. -Music! Turn it up. Put that tape on. What tape? -What tape? "Jefferson Airplane. ""White Rabbit."" I want a rising sound." -"Jefferson Airplane. ""White Rabbit."" I want a rising sound." You're doomed. I'm leaving here in two hours and then they're going to come up here and beat the mortal shit out of you with big saps. Right there in that tub. -You're doomed. I'm leaving here in two hours and then they're going to come up here and beat the mortal shit out of you with big saps. Right there in that tub. I dig my own graves. Green water and the White Rabbit. Put it on. -I dig my own graves. Green water and the White Rabbit. Put it on. OK. But do me one last favor, will you. Can you give me two hours? That's all I ask -- just two hours to sleep before tomorrow. I suspect it's going to be a very difficult day. -Of course, I'm your attorney, I'll give you all the time you need, at my normal rates: $45 an hour -- but you'll be wanting a cushion, so, why don't you just lay one of those $100 bills down there beside the radio, and fuck off? How about a check? -How about a check? Whatever's right. -I want that fucking radio! Don't touch it! Get back in that tub! -Don't touch it! Get back in that tub! Back the tape up. I need it again! Let it roll! Just as high as the fucker can go! And when it comes to that fantastic note where the rabbit bites its own head off, I want you to THROW THAT FUCKING RADIO INTO THE TUB WITH ME! -Not me. It would blast you through the wall -- stone dead in ten seconds and they'd make me explain it! BULLSHIT! Don't make me use this. -BULLSHIT! Don't make me use this. Jesus. -Jesus. Do it! I want to get HIGHER! -Fuck yes. I was beginning to think I was going to have to go out and get one of the goddamn maids to do it. Are you ready? -You bastard! You'd do that, wouldn't you? Why worry? You'll like it. Nothing in the world like a Mace high. Forty- five minutes on your knees with the dry heaves... -Why worry? You'll like it. Nothing in the world like a Mace high. Forty- five minutes on your knees with the dry heaves... You cheap honky sonofabitch... -You cheap honky sonofabitch... Why not? Hell, just a minute ago, you were asking me to kill you! And now you want to kill me! What I should do, goddamnit, is call the police! -Why not? Hell, just a minute ago, you were asking me to kill you! And now you want to kill me! What I should do, goddamnit, is call the police! The cops? -The cops? There's no choice. I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid and wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife! -There's no choice. I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid and wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife! Who said anything about slicing you up? I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead. Nothing serious. -You bastard! I need a lawyer immediately! What are you doing in Baker? Didn't you get my telegram? -What are you doing in Baker? Didn't you get my telegram? What? Fuck telegrams. I'm in trouble. You worthless bastard. I'll cripple your ass for this! All that shit in the car is yours! You understand that? When I finish testifying out here you'll be disbarred! -What? Fuck telegrams. I'm in trouble. You worthless bastard. I'll cripple your ass for this! All that shit in the car is yours! You understand that? When I finish testifying out here you'll be disbarred! You're supposed to be in Vegas. We have a suite at the Flamingo. I was just about to leave for the airport. -You degenerate pig! "It can't be helped. This is Lucy. You know -- like ""Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.""" -WELL? What are your plans? Plans? -Plans? Lucy. -Lucy. Shit. I met her on the plane and I had all that acid. You know, those little blue barrels. I gave her a cap before I realized... she's a religious freak... Jesus, she's never even had a drink. -Shit. I met her on the plane and I had all that acid. You know, those little blue barrels. I gave her a cap before I realized... she's a religious freak... Jesus, she's never even had a drink. Well... It'll probably work out. We can keep her loaded and peddle her ass at the drug convention. -Listen, she's running away from home for something like the fifth time in six months. It's terrible. She's perfect for this gig. These cops will go fifty bucks a head to beat her into submission and then gang fuck her. We can set her up in one of these back street motels, hang pictures of Jesus all over the room, then turn these pigs loose on her... Hell she's strong; she'll hold her own. -Jesus Christ. I knew you were sick but I never expected to hear you actually say that kind of stuff. It's straight economics. This girl is a god-send. Shit, she can make us a grand a day. -It's straight economics. This girl is a god-send. Shit, she can make us a grand a day. NO! Stop talking like that. -NO! Stop talking like that. I figure she can do about four at a time. Christ, if we keep her full of acid that's more like two grand a day. Maybe three. -I figure she can do about four at a time. Christ, if we keep her full of acid that's more like two grand a day. Maybe three. You filthy bastard. I should cave your fucking head in. -You filthy bastard. I should cave your fucking head in. In a few hours, she'll probably be sane enough to work herself into a towering Jesus-based rage at the hazy recollection of being seduced by some kind of cruel Samoan who fed her liquor and LSD, dragged her to a Vegas hotel room and savagely penetrated every orifice in her body with his throbbing, uncircumcised member. -NO! I felt sorry for the girl, I wanted to help her! You'll go straight to the gas chamber. And even if you manage to beat that, they'll send you back to Nevada for Rape and Consentual Sodomy. She's got to go. -The only alternative was to take her out to the desert and feed her remains to the lizards. But, it seemed a bit heavy for the thing we were trying to protect: My attorney. We have to cut her loose. She's got two hundred dollars. And we can always call the cops up there in Montana, where she lives, and turn her in. -We have to cut her loose. She's got two hundred dollars. And we can always call the cops up there in Montana, where she lives, and turn her in. What?... What kind of goddamn monster are you? -What?... What kind of goddamn monster are you? It just occurred to me, that she has no witnesses. Anything that she says about us is completely worthless. -It just occurred to me, that she has no witnesses. Anything that she says about us is completely worthless. Us? -Okay, Lucy, it's time to go meet Barbra... I felt like a Nazi, but it had to be done. -I gave the cabbie an extra ten bucks to make sure she gets there safe. Also, I told him I'd be there myself in an hour, and if she wasn't, I'd come back out here and rip his lungs out. That's good. You can't be subtle in this town. -That's good. You can't be subtle in this town. As your attorney, I advise you to tell me where you put the goddamn mescaline. -As your attorney, I advise you to tell me where you put the goddamn mescaline. Maybe we should take it easy tonight. -Maybe we should take it easy tonight. Right. Let's find a good seafood restaurant and eat some red salmon. I feel a powerful lust for red salmon... -I saw these bastards in Easy Rider, but I didn't believe they were real. Not like this. Not hundreds of them! They're actually nice people when you get to know them. -They're actually nice people when you get to know them. Man, I know these people in my goddamn blood! -Man, I know these people in my goddamn blood! Don't mention that word around here. You'll get them excited. -Don't mention that word around here. You'll get them excited. This is a fucking nightmare. -This is a fucking nightmare. Right. Sure as hell some dope-dealing bomb freak is going to recognize you and put the word out that you're partying with a thousand cops. -Read the newspapers. Man, you don't know trouble until you have to face down a bunch of these addicts gone crazy for human sacrifice! -Hell, in Malibu alone, these goddamn Satan worshippers kill six or eight people every day. All they want is the blood. They'll take people right off the street if they have to. Just the other day we had a case where they grabbed a girl right out of a McDonald's hamburger stand. She was a waitress, about sixteen years old... with a lot of people watching, too! -What could they do? The guy that took the head was about six-seven, and maybe three-hundred pounds. He was packing two Lugers, and the others had M-16s. They just ran back out into Death Valley -- you know, where Manson turned up... -They just ran back out into Death Valley -- you know, where Manson turned up... Like big lizards. -Like big lizards. ...and every one of them stacked naked... -Yeh, naked!... except for the weapons. They were all veterans. -What's wrong with you? Hell, somebody has to do it. Hurry up with those drinks. We're thirsty. Only two rums. Make mine a Bloody Mary. -Sure. It's all on the Q.T., but everybody who matters is with us all the way down the line. We keep it quiet. It's not the kind of thing you'd want to talk about upstairs. Not with the press around. -Sometimes it's easier to just rip out the backstraps. They'll fight like hell if you try to take the head without the dogs. -Good work. They'll treat us like goddamn lepers after that. Lucy is looking for you. -Lucy is looking for you. No, she's looking for you. -No, she's looking for you. Me? -Me? She really flipped over you. The only way I could get rid of her was by saying you were taking me out to the desert for a showdown -- that you wanted me out of the way so you could have her all to yourself. I guess she figures you won. That phone message wasn't for me, was it? -OK, goddamnit!... Look... I'll call her. I'll get her off our backs. You're right. She's my problem. It's gone too far. -It's gone too far. Relax. Let me handle this. You'd make a piss-poor lawyer... Room 1600, please. As your attorney, I advise you not to worry. Take a hit out of that little brown bottle in my shaving kit. -What is this? You won't need much. Just a little tiny taste, that stuff makes pure mescaline seem like ginger-beer. Adrenochrome. -Adrenochrome... Hi, Lucy? Yeah, it's me. I got your message... what? Hell, no, I taught the bastard a lesson he'll never forget... what? No, not dead, but he won't be bothering anybody for a while. Yeah. I left him out there, I stomped him, then pulled all his teeth out... -Hi, Lucy? Yeah, it's me. I got your message... what? Hell, no, I taught the bastard a lesson he'll never forget... what? No, not dead, but he won't be bothering anybody for a while. Yeah. I left him out there, I stomped him, then pulled all his teeth out... "I remember thinking, ""Jesus, what a terrible thing to lay on somebody with a head full of acid.""" -I remember slumping on the bed, his performance had given me a bad jolt. For a moment I thought his mind had snapped -- that he actually believed he was being attacked by invisible enemies. But the room was quiet again. Where'd you get this? -Where'd you get this? Never mind, it's absolutely pure. -Never mind, it's absolutely pure. Jesus... what kind of monster client have you picked up this time? There's only one source for this stuff -- the adrenaline gland from a living human body! -I know, but the guy didn't have any cash to pay me. He's one of these Satanism freaks. He offered me human blood -- said it would take me higher than I've ever been in my life. I thought he was kidding, so I told him I'd just as soon have an ounce or so of pure adrenochrome -- or maybe just a fresh adrenaline gland to chew on. I could already feel the stuff working on me -- the first wave felt like a combination of mescaline and methedrine -- maybe I should take a swim, I thought... -Why not? We should get some of that. Just eat a big handful and see what happens. Some of what? -Some of what? Extract of pineal! -Extract of pineal! Sure. That's a good idea. One whiff of that shit would turn you into something out of a goddamn medical encyclopedia. -Sure. That's a good idea. One whiff of that shit would turn you into something out of a goddamn medical encyclopedia. Man, your head would swell up like a watermelon, you'd probably gain about a hundred pounds in two hours... -Man, your head would swell up like a watermelon, you'd probably gain about a hundred pounds in two hours... Right! -Right! ...grow claws... bleeding warts. -...grow claws... bleeding warts. Yes! -Yes! ...then you'd notice about six huge hairy tits swelling up on your back... -Man I'll try about anything; but I'd never touch a pineal gland. FINISH THE FUCKING STORY! What happened?! What about the glands? -So do we, lady. I think we should put her on the payroll. See what she comes up with. -I think we should put her on the payroll. See what she comes up with. Do you think you can handle it? -Alright, Alice... you'll be contacted by Inspector Rock. Arthur Rock. He'll be posing as a politician. Inspector Rock will pay you. In cash. A thousand dollars on the ninth of every month. -Fuck the car. They should make these things with a goddamn FM radio. Yeh... This foreign made crap -- is sucking our dollar balance dry! -There was nothing in the atmosphere of the North Star to put me on my guard... Two glasses of ice water with ice. -I was stupid with shock -- not knowing whether to run or start laughing. How much is the lemon meringue pie? -How much is the lemon meringue pie? Her eyes were turgid with fear, but her brain was functioning on some basic motor survival level. -What are you doing? You were supposed to turn back there! We had abused every rule that Vegas lived by -- burning the locals, abusing the tourists, terrifying the help. The only chance now, I felt, was the possibility that we'd gone to such excess that nobody in the position to bring the hammer down on us could possibility believe it. -The airport is over there! Never missed a plane yet. -No! I can't get out! They'll crucify me. I'll have to take the blame! Ridiculous! Just say you were hitchhiking to the airport and I picked you up. You never saw me before. Shit, this town is full of white Cadillac convertibles. I plan to go through there so fast that nobody will even glimpse the goddamn license plate. You ready? -Ridiculous! Just say you were hitchhiking to the airport and I picked you up. You never saw me before. Shit, this town is full of white Cadillac convertibles. I plan to go through there so fast that nobody will even glimpse the goddamn license plate. You ready? Why not? But for Christ's sake, just do it fast! -Don't take any guff from those swine. Remember, if you have any trouble you can always send a telegram to the Right People. Yeah... Explaining my Position. Some asshole wrote a poem about that once... -Please... please... I'm only the maid. I didn't mean nothin!... YOU'RE UNDER ARREST! -What made you do it? Who paid you off? Nobody. I'm the maid! -The dope ring. You must know what's going on in this hotel. Why do you think we're here? I know you're cops, but I thought you were just here for that convention. I swear! All I wanted to do was clean up the room. I don't know anything about dope! -Maybe she's telling the truth. Maybe she's not part of it. No! I swear I'm not! -You'd pay me for that? You're damn right. But the first time you say anything about this, to anybody -- you'll go straight to prison for the rest of your life. What's your name? -You're damn right. But the first time you say anything about this, to anybody -- you'll go straight to prison for the rest of your life. What's your name? Alice. Just ring Linen Service and ask for Alice. -"The password is: ""One Hand Washes The Other."" The minute you hear that, you say ""I fear nothing.""" I fear nothing. -May I see your license. Of course, officer. -Could I have that, please? Why not? It was getting warm anyway. -You realize... Yeah. I know. I'm guilty. I understand that. I knew it was a crime but I did it anyway. Shit, why argue? I'm a fucking criminal. -Yeah. I know. I'm guilty. I understand that. I knew it was a crime but I did it anyway. Shit, why argue? I'm a fucking criminal. That's a strange attitude. -You know -- I get the feeling you could use a nap. There's a rest area up ahead. Why don't you pull over and sleep a few hours? A nap won't help. I've been awake for too long -- three or four nights. I can't even remember. If I go to sleep now, I'm dead for twenty hours. -Okay. Here's how it is. What goes into my book, as of noon, is that I apprehended you... for driving too fast, and advised you to proceed no further than the next rest area... your stated destination, right? Where you plan to take a long nap. Do I make myself clear? How far is Baker? I was hoping to stop there for lunch. -How far is Baker? I was hoping to stop there for lunch. Not my jurisdiction. The city limits are two point two miles beyond the rest area. Can you make it that far? -Not my jurisdiction. The city limits are two point two miles beyond the rest area. Can you make it that far? I'll try. I've been wanting to go to Baker for a long time. I've heard a lot about it. -You're lying! You were after the evidence. Who put you up to this -- the manager? I don't know what you're talking about! -I don't know what you're talking about! Bullshit! You're just as much a part of it as they are! -Bullshit! You're just as much a part of it as they are! Part of what? -Come on, baby don't try to tell us you never heard of the Grange Gorman. No! No! I swear to Jesus I never heard of that stuff! -In that case, maybe she can help. Yes! I'll help you all you need! I hate dope! -What? One phone call every day. Just tell us what you've seen. Don't worry if it doesn't add up, that's our problem. -Oh Lord! I'd do just about anything for that! You and a lot of other people. -Oh, and don't bother to make up the room. That way we won't have to risk another of these little incidents, will we? Whatever you say, gentlemen. I can't tell you how sorry I am about what happened... -Whatever you say, gentlemen. I can't tell you how sorry I am about what happened... Don't worry, it's all over now. Thank God for the decent people. -It serves you right. You cheatin' jerk. Spare me. -Spare me. I figure it's karma. You wronged me and you wronged your wife and you wronged your children, so this is karma biting you on the ass, or in your case... ...on the eye. -Stop! What the fuck are you doing he's in there! -What the fuck are you doing he's in there! They can't get in here! You said it yourself, they'll get in! -YOU'RE KILLING HIM! They'll get in! We'll all die! -You can't keep me here. This is bullshit. Fuckin' bullshit. This is fucking BULLSHIT! We can't risk letting them in. -We can't risk letting them in. Right. -Careful. I'm telling you, I don't see a thing -- -I will not die because of him! Don't be stupid, drop the gun! -We should go! We should go right now! He's right, let's move. Be quiet and get to the exit. Pair up, grab the weapons. -Are you two all right? Did you see that!? They left! We made it! I think we made it! They'll be back. -They'll be back. Oh, come on! Can't you be happy for one split second? They're gone! -You know where it is? Um, yeah, thirty miles east. -We'll meet in three hours? I don't wanna go home alone... I don't wanna see what might have... -Where are you two going? We're going to get my little girl. -Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Where is everyone? -Where is everyone? I don't know, I just got here. Did you find your girl? -IS IT CLEAR?! Yeah. -Yeah. IS THERE A GUN POINTING AT YOU? -IS THERE A GUN POINTING AT YOU? Nah, I got the gun. -My god damn foot is gone! Who fuckin' shot me? Who fuckin' shot me!? Her fella. -Well, it don't look pretty. But it's got teeth. -I got my .38 here. That's six shots and two refills. Downstairs, I think we got another rifle, maybe a scatterer and some gardening tools. Maybe a couple boxes of shells for The Judge. I got shells too, box and a half, tops. -I don't think you should... With what just happened upstairs -- -One keg of Beast for the basement, then, truck's dry. Gonna stay for a couple? -I have a CB in my truck, we could get some help out here. Who the hell would you call? -Who the hell would you call? Anyone. -Stop it. Hey. You noticed that no one's been killed or maimed for awhile? -We shot a skunk. We're lucky to be alive. -Hey! Get quiet or get out. C'mon guys-- -I think I know where a CB is. Where's that? -Where's that? Upstairs. -Okay, now. Easy steps. Easy breaths. Easy steps. Come on, come on. -Oh! """OH!?"" WHAT IS ""OH?"" What does ""oh"" mean?" -Wha? OPEN THE DOOR! -You got something better? If we move in a group, we are one target. If we scatter, they CAN'T get us all. -We'll be food, dickheads! "Well, your last words can be ""I told you so.""" -"Well, your last words can be ""I told you so.""" You gotta be with me on this. -That's the oldest of the bunch, looked like the Grandpapa. We caught the little one, Junior, in the cooler there. As we've seen, what he lacks in size he more than makes up for in speed. And the rest of 'em? -And the rest of 'em? Unfortunately, the worst of 'em are still outside. -And that's how I ended up here. And the head? -So, your husband ditched you? No, no, no it was... it was wild out there, no time to think, we just moved. He didn't leave me. He just ran. He just ran. -No, no, no it was... it was wild out there, no time to think, we just moved. He didn't leave me. He just ran. He just ran. Well, justice is funny. -They're right here. Hey! -Jesus Christ, I'm gonna have a stroke. Easy. -Don't bullshit me! If you know a way out of this place and you're holding out -- There's a tunnel. -What tunnel? Where? It's in the basement, about a hundred yards long. It spits out on the backside of that hill down the way. There's a truck there. -It's in the basement, about a hundred yards long. It spits out on the backside of that hill down the way. There's a truck there. What's it for? -HEY! No, I'm not trusting him either, that's why you and I will both be going with him. What!? I'm not going down there again! -What!? I'm not going down there again! This is it! This is our only way out! They have this place surrounded. We go out the front, we're dead. We go out the back, we're dead, but if we go UNDER them... we might just make it. Now, who else is in? Seven can go. -This is it! This is our only way out! They have this place surrounded. We go out the front, we're dead. We go out the back, we're dead, but if we go UNDER them... we might just make it. Now, who else is in? Seven can go. This is a bottleneck waiting to happen. -You all sure about this? Follow me. -Where's the tunnel? In the corner, behind the curtain. -We just smeared a skunk. Shit! -I'm gonna shoot him if they don't get him first. Just move! -You seem mighty collected about this. Buddy, I'm a full-blooded Chucktow. I can't think of a time my people haven't been takin' it dry. The fact that we are being eaten now, doesn't even faze me... ...this is just another Tuesday. -You're trusting that guy? He'll ditch us and never look back. Fuck you too. -Fuck you too. Get in line! -Scared? No. You? -No. You? Of course not. I fight monsters all the time. -I'd love to be macho, but this is a pants wetter from all angles. The door... on three. -Ohhh. What? -What? Look. -That's an unwise thing to say, you know that? Just an observation. -Just an observation. Well, why don't you keep your observations to yourself? -So, what now? Did those things leave? Why don't you go check it out? -Why don't you go check it out? Fuck no. -Any more ideas Animal Planet? You weren't helpin'. -You weren't helpin'. Go douche. -I'm telling ya, you got the cloth too deep, you're asking for it. Oh yeah? -Do you drive a short beer bus or something? You go out there you get eaten, you stay in here you get eaten, anyone comes to help they get eaten. Don't you see a pattern here, Spuds Makenzie? Well then I guess we should just give up. -Well then I guess we should just give up. Believe me, I'd love to save the day and get some heroic snatch. But it's not in the cards, partner. -We're better off. Who's with me? -Come on! He's dead. -What now, Geronimo? My truck. -Why do you take shit from him? Look, yeah, he's an ass, but he's my brother. Que sera-sera. -Look, yeah, he's an ass, but he's my brother. Que sera-sera. Your brother, huh? -Your brother, huh? Yep. -Yep. Your parents of relation? -Your parents of relation? We lived near power lines. -I'm in. Anyone else? -We're going to get help. We gotta try. -We gotta try. Anybody else? -We gotta be close. What? -All right! Tell us about the truck! Uh, uh, I think if we can get everyone into it... we can get out of here. -My truck can't be more than ten feet away. We load into the back, I can get in the front and we roll out of here. What's in the back? -What's in the back? Nothing, this was my last delivery. -Yeah, the lot's right there. My truck is right out back. But not flush against the tunnel? -It's imperative that you get that truck moving. Just cover me. It was built to move. -How are you holding up? Well... -Push and twist, it's child proof. Oh. -Oh. Gimme a couple dabs on the tongue. -What is this? Magic potion. You should try a little. -Magic potion. You should try a little. Oh, no. -Oh, no. It'll calm your nerves. Works like a charm. -It'll calm your nerves. Works like a charm. Really? -Really? Uh huh. Just put a dab on your tongue. -Uh huh. Just put a dab on your tongue. Will I go crazy or something? -Will I go crazy or something? No, no, it calms you, makes everything nice and smooth. Just takes the edge off like a beer, but in a fraction of the time. -No, no, it calms you, makes everything nice and smooth. Just takes the edge off like a beer, but in a fraction of the time. Why not then? -Wait, before you do that, help me to the kitchen, I need to lay down. There's a cot back there. But -- -But -- It's much safer in there, sweety. -It's much safer in there, sweety. Okay then. -Doesn't your foot hurt? I can't feel a thing, Hon. -Um-hmmm. The girl's got rhythm. -You wanna see, baby? Sure. -Sure. How much you got? -How much you got? How much I got, what? -How much you got to see the show? You don't understand sweety, Daddy doesn't pay, Daddy sees the show for free. But you do get points for being horny on a night like this. -What? Really? Uh huh, now wiggle that sweet little ass over here and sit on Daddy's face, I wanna do some appraising. -My husband... Well, where's the sonuvabitch!? -Well, where's the sonuvabitch!? He's dead. -He's dead. What? -Jesus Christ on the cross... Someone make sense. Easy. We're surrounded by something the likes none of you have ever seen before. Some kind of animals. Real fast, volatile, predators. ONE went through three of your patrons like they were Kleenex. -Easy. We're surrounded by something the likes none of you have ever seen before. Some kind of animals. Real fast, volatile, predators. ONE went through three of your patrons like they were Kleenex. So, your dead hubby shot me twice, three of my customers have been eaten, and there are angry creatures outside? -So, your dead hubby shot me twice, three of my customers have been eaten, and there are angry creatures outside? He only shot you once. -He only shot you once. Huh? -Huh? He shot you the other time. -Will these boards hold? The boards are solid oak planks, and the floor is reinforced by a steel grid beneath. Nothing real or supernatural is busting through this, least nothing the size of the beasts. -The boards are solid oak planks, and the floor is reinforced by a steel grid beneath. Nothing real or supernatural is busting through this, least nothing the size of the beasts. Good. -In the kitchen, under the sink. No one goes anywhere alone. Least of all, unarmed. -Go for it. It's by the far wall. A small wave band. Channel 9 is the emergency frequency. But I don't see the point. You're wasting your time, there's no one out there. -What? What? -What? What do you mean what? -What do you mean what? Huh? -Huh? What's going on between you two? -What's going on between you two? Nothing. -What's it for!? Grass. I grow some pot down there. It's no big deal, just something I dabble in. The truck's for a quick get away, deliveries, whatever. -Grass. I grow some pot down there. It's no big deal, just something I dabble in. The truck's for a quick get away, deliveries, whatever. Is it gassed up? -Is it gassed up? Fully. -Fully. Four door? -Four door? Two. -Two. Open? -Open? Covered. -Covered. How many? -How many? Holds four. -Holds four. Max? -Max? Seven. -Seven. Nine? -Nine? Seven. -Seven. Keys. -Keys. What!? So you can just get the hell outta here and forget about all of us!? No way! That's my god damn truck! -What!? So you can just get the hell outta here and forget about all of us!? No way! That's my god damn truck! Let me make this clear; if we stay, we die! -Let me make this clear; if we stay, we die! I don't trust you. No way! I pick who goes! And I'm holding you responsible. -What's that!? Wha'cha say? Huh? Get outta here. -This one will just stun ya, but this one will put ya to sleep. Whoa! -You young'uns worry about weapons, I'm thinkin' bout strategy. Oh? And what's that? -Oh? And what's that? Sit still, look less like a meal. -Sit still, look less like a meal. I think that's for bears and sharks, chunky chew. -I wouldn't do that, son. They're probably on to the next buffet by now. There's a retirement home up the road. They'd be easy. -I'll go with ya. What are you gonna do? Throw your teeth at 'em? Sit down, Cocoon. -Welcome back. F-f-fuck you. -They were all over the place. You smell like ass! -Look, the armed surround the unarmed in a circle and we move as a tight group. Those that can shoot, protect the rest to his ride. Hey, when this plan completely goes to shit, what are ya gonna do? -Bullshit. No bullshit. -Clever fuckers. What the hell's going on here!? -Blow the goddamn hatch! Clear! -Got 'cha! HOLD THAT TIGHT! -'Eh, Chief? Duh hickey. -Fine, Chief. Gimme the keys. -Gimme the keys. NO, but I will lock you in. -NO, but I will lock you in. What? -What? We'll be on the other side waiting for you. If you become food I don't want the only set of keys in the belly of one of those things. It's your funeral. -You are taking a chance that is not worth the risk. Well, we are one miracle short tonight. So, just guard the stairs? -Well, we are one miracle short tonight. So, just guard the stairs? Done. But you're locked in. Will you hold the keys? -What?! Move slow and move quiet. -Move slow and move quiet. No shit. -Move it! You keep that key handy. -Shit! I'm fine! I'm fine! -JUST A BAT! I'M FINE! JUST A BAT! SORRY! If he doesn't shut up... -Hurry! REPEAT. WE NEED HELP. SOS. CALLING ALL CARS! WE NEED HELP AT THE UNITED NATIONS TAV--! -SHIT. MOVE YOUR ASS! -COME ON! HELLLLLLLLP!! -Yeah, maybe. Get something on that. -Where the hell are we going to go then, Billy Jack!? There's a bomb shelter over in Durant, by the IGA, on First. You all know where that is? -You don't want the rag to touch the booze, that way you can hold it awhile and ensure it explodes when you throw it. You sure? I thought the rag had to touch? -You sure? I thought the rag had to touch? I'm sure. -HELP MEEE! BONSAI! -I'm in a wheelchair, the truck sounds pretty good. Amazing you made it this far. -Nothin' will happen to you. You get on my back, hold on tight and we truck out of here together. Am I too heavy for you? -Am I too heavy for you? Don't worry, you'll be like my little papoose. -OH JESUS! HELLLPPP! -Well, maybe they migrate? As long as it's dark, they're around. They hide, wait for you to drop your guard, and then attack. -Hey! Everyone take a role. Let's prepare the guns, ammo and whatever else we can scare up. We also need to help the hurt so we can move them on our ultimate exit outta here. So, who's going into the basement with me? -Okay, well... anybody else have an idea? Is there any other way out of this place? ANYONE? -Yeah, I'll go. Ok. Let's see what happens. -Let's move. I'm done drinking. That's it. Just Church and grocery stores. Nothin' else. -Do we have anything else to defend ourselves with? Anything? Right. Were going to need some fire power. Do you have any sort of guns or ammunition here? Anything at all? -What's wrong? Nothing, just lookin'. -Let's go. She's not very nice, is she? -DON'T! YOU'LL HIT US! -Let's wait it out. They'll tear this place down within the hour. -If you are face to face with her, dive left. And the last one is the... -And the last one is the... Father. The biggest, the strongest... -Okay, well that's something. So we've got guns, kitchen knives, pipes, fire and sticks. -There's a rifle and a shotgun here. That's fine. -Hold it! Whoa! -Let's go! Wait God-dammit! -If there is only one way out for us, there is only one way in for them. Make a distraction out front and go for it out the back. There's cars back there, right? -Go! Go! Not without you!!! -Not without you!!! Go!!! -Get to your cars! GO-GO-GO!! -Oh my God... What is that? That's one piece of four problems. -Cody! Cody are you all right? Mommy's coming! Mommy's coming, baby! Don't move! Mommy's coming! Stop her! -Oh sweetheart! What was I thinking? Mommy is never gonna let you go. Oh Jesus... Never, ever, never let you go. Let's lock off this room. -Shut up! Shut your mouth. You have no idea what is running through me right now. No idea. I'm ready. All right. -You know you don't have to do this. I'm fine, I really am. -I'm fine, I really am. I admire your strength. -I admire your strength. We all have to be strong, right? -We all have to be strong, right? Right. -Her name is Charlie. Oh... -Oh... She's still alive, I hope. I wouldn't have made it this far if it weren't for the chance of seeing my little girl again. I need to get to her. -She's still alive, I hope. I wouldn't have made it this far if it weren't for the chance of seeing my little girl again. I need to get to her. I'll do anything to help. -I'll do anything to help. I know. Thanks. Just don't tell anyone I have a soft side. -I know. Thanks. Just don't tell anyone I have a soft side. Deal. -We should stick together out there. I'd love to. -Did we make it? I think -- -Hey little bear, aren't you going to join the others? Um, my allergist told me not to engage in physically demanding activities where ragweed or spores might be present, sir. -Do you have a note to corroborate these claims? Um, well... -Um, well... Are you lying to me? -Are you lying to me? Well... -Well... What did we say about lying? -What did we say about lying? I'm not lying. -I'm not lying. You know that no one likes a liar, right? -You know that no one likes a liar, right? I said I'm not lying. -What have you done now, broke the darn thing? I just hit it like you said. -Well... come on. This is a mistake. No. This is a disaster. -This is a mistake. No. This is a disaster. Come on, it's just what you need! Let everyone see you. Talk to them, live it up! -Come on, it's just what you need! Let everyone see you. Talk to them, live it up! But we've been at it since six this morning. At least you could've let me go home and change. -But we've been at it since six this morning. At least you could've let me go home and change. Look, Frances, I didn't want this job. Think I'm crazy? But you begged me: improve your image. So please... lemme try, huh? -Look, Frances, I didn't want this job. Think I'm crazy? But you begged me: improve your image. So please... lemme try, huh? You're right. I'm sorry. Okay, let's go get 'em. -You're right. I'm sorry. Okay, let's go get 'em. Here, take a few of these. Studio makes 'em in the basement. They keep the fat off. -Here, take a few of these. Studio makes 'em in the basement. They keep the fat off. So not only am I a troublesome bitch, but I'm fat too? -So not only am I a troublesome bitch, but I'm fat too? Come on. They make you feel nice and peppy. -Frances? Oh no. Refill my drink, will you, Bob? -Refill my drink, will you, Bob? What're you doing? -What're you doing? Putting on my armor. -Putting on my armor. Come on, Frances. Louella Parsons is here. She wants to talk to you, help you out. -Come on, Frances. Louella Parsons is here. She wants to talk to you, help you out. Louella... didn't she call me a spoiled little bitch? -Louella... didn't she call me a spoiled little bitch? Come on, she's an important columnist! What's the matter? I thought you wanted these people to forgive you. -Come on, she's an important columnist! What's the matter? I thought you wanted these people to forgive you. 'Forgive'...? For What? -'Forgive'...? For What? I'm sorry... that was an unfortunate choice of words. -And on top of her political activities, now she's got a lawyer. She wants out of her contract, Mr. Bebe. She says she's through with motion pictures. I'm sure it wasn't me, it wasn't me... -I'm sure it wasn't me, it wasn't me... Excuse me, sir? -Excuse me, sir? I don't know who she fucked to get where she is, but I don't think it was me. -Well... you could always dump her, Mr. Bebe. Teach her a lesson. There are a million beautiful girls out there who don't give a damn about politics. That's not the point. Frances Farmer has the world by the tit because of this studio, and now she thinks she can waltz off without a thank you. No. No, that young lady has a contract, and she's going to honor it. -That's not the point. Frances Farmer has the world by the tit because of this studio, and now she thinks she can waltz off without a thank you. No. No, that young lady has a contract, and she's going to honor it. Oh. I mean, good. -Oh. I mean, good. I think it's time to take the gloves off. Get me some reporters. Particularly Louella Parsons! -Good morning, Mr. Bebe! Who's this? -Who's this? Frances Farmer, contract player, six- month option. -Frances Farmer, contract player, six- month option. Okay. Good tits. Can't we show them off a little more? -Okay. Good tits. Can't we show them off a little more? I guess so, sir. -I guess so, sir. Very fine bone structure. -That's Frances. I'm not the cookbook. You see: We've got to change that name. -I like your looks. You have the classical bone structure of the very great beauties... Garbo, Dietrich -- Thank you -- -Thank you -- I intend to make a great deal of money off you. -"Since we have you on a seven year contract, I'm planning long-range. I'm going to loan you out to Sam Goldwyn to make a picture called ""Come and Get It.""" Really? That's a very good book. It'd make a terrific -- -Really? That's a very good book. It'd make a terrific -- Never mind that. I'm concerned about you. Your attitude. -Society is falling apart, Miss Farmer, and people have to buckle down, do their jobs. You see, I view myself as the Henry Ford of motion picture industry, and I can't have the fellow who puts on the wheels arguing with the man who installs head-lights, now can I? But I'm concerned with everything, Mr. Bebe. -But I'm concerned with everything, Mr. Bebe. No, I'm concerned with everything. -No, I'm concerned with everything. But I'm the one up there on the screen. -But I'm the one up there on the screen. That's right. You're an actress, Miss Farmer and your job is to act. -Look, Mr. Bebe, you can hold me to my contract, but you can't break me. I'm back, and I'm gonna make the best of it. I'd like nothing better. -Hi Frances, got a minute? Sure, Claire. If you don't mind walking my way. -Well, I suppose I should just say it. It's your clothes. My clothes? -My clothes? Yeah, I mean slacks... and work clothes... and that awful car -- -Yeah, I mean slacks... and work clothes... and that awful car -- It's a perfectly good car. It runs. -It's a perfectly good car. It runs. Yes, but... Really, I hate to sound... it's just that the public expects something different from its stars. People won't take you seriously. -Yes, but... Really, I hate to sound... it's just that the public expects something different from its stars. People won't take you seriously. I don't care if my clothes are taken seriously. Or my car. -I don't care if my clothes are taken seriously. Or my car. You know what I mean. -You know what I mean. Uh-huh. You mean what if the public finds out I perspire? And wear slacks. And drive an old jalopy? What if they find out I'm a real person. Oh no! Say it ain't so! Not a real person! -That's not all, Frances. Mr. Bebe is very concerned about your politics. He hears you've been donating money, speaking at rallies. Yup. Claire... please, please tell Mr. Bebe that if he worried half as much about his scripts as he does about my private life, we'd make a lot better movies. -Yup. Claire... please, please tell Mr. Bebe that if he worried half as much about his scripts as he does about my private life, we'd make a lot better movies. I'm sorry, Frances. It's my job, you know? -I'm sorry, Frances. It's my job, you know? I know. 'This is a factory and we each have our jobs. The writer writes, the director directs, and the actress...' -I know. 'This is a factory and we each have our jobs. The writer writes, the director directs, and the actress...' ...acts. I'll relay your message. -Face it! Confess it! You're weak! I'm not! -I'm not! You're afraid! -You're afraid! I'm not! -I'm not! You don't want to show your whole soul -- ugly, mis-shapen, and pitiful -- you don't want to show it -- -You don't want to show your whole soul -- ugly, mis-shapen, and pitiful -- you don't want to show it -- God damn it, Clifford, will you shut up! I tell you, I want to give these things! I want to give them to the audience, and I can give them, I will give them, so shut up! -Good, good. Give them that. What? -Madam...? Thank you. -Oh my God! Frances, I'm such a cad. I can't go through with this. My wife is in Europe, but this is her house... her bedroom. I can't ask you to... Oh well. I guess I better leave then. -Okay, but come here first. Huh. -Huh. Come here. I want to show you something. -The Group is more than a theatre company. It's the embodiment of an ideal. Our approach allows the actor to be an artist in the fullest sense, a creative individual and an instrument of change. You see -- Really, Mr. Clurman, you don't have to sell me. -Really, Mr. Clurman, you don't have to sell me. Forgive my indulgence. Seems we always lecture those who are on time for those who are tardy. The point is, Mr. Odets here has written a wonderful play. Most of the roles are cast, but we haven't found our female lead... -Forgive my indulgence. Seems we always lecture those who are on time for those who are tardy. The point is, Mr. Odets here has written a wonderful play. Most of the roles are cast, but we haven't found our female lead... Who is she? -...Not only an artist, but an instrument of change. We must look to the world around us, not content to observe, but to take an active hand in redressing its wrongs. We will not stand idly by as Fascist bombs obliterate democracy. We contribute our profits, for if fascism is not stopped in Spain, it will spread across Europe, jeopardizing the struggle of civilized man to survive. The artist, to be vital, must be a soldier too. I'm not afraid of struggle, Clifford. -Hello, Harold. Frances. -Frances. Where's Clifford? -Where's Clifford? He's not here. -He's not here. Oh. -What's up? I hear you're meeting with the studio lawyers to get out of your contract. -I hear you're meeting with the studio lawyers to get out of your contract. That's right. I don't want them breathing down my neck while we're in London. -That's right. I don't want them breathing down my neck while we're in London. Well... well, you see, that's the point. You won't be opening in London. -You don't think I'm good enough? What?! Good Lord no, it's just... It's money. We needed backing and... well, we found it. -What?! Good Lord no, it's just... It's money. We needed backing and... well, we found it. Who? -Who? An actress. -An actress. A rich actress. -A rich actress. Yes. That's the deal. She plays Lorna. -Yes. That's the deal. She plays Lorna. But... but wait a minute. We're supposed to be different, right? Clifford says... This theatre is supposed to be different! And this play... this play is all about what greed and money do to people! -But... but wait a minute. We're supposed to be different, right? Clifford says... This theatre is supposed to be different! And this play... this play is all about what greed and money do to people! I know, but -- -I know, but -- What does Clifford say? -What does Clifford say? Right now we have to be practical. -Right now we have to be practical. Does Clifford even know? You didn't tell him, did you? I'm gonna tell him. Where is he? -Does Clifford even know? You didn't tell him, did you? I'm gonna tell him. Where is he? He knows, Frances. -Hey, where's the fire, sister? In my eyes, officer. -In my eyes, officer. "Cool off, beautiful. Didn't you see the sign says ""Dimout Zone?"" There's a war on, you know?" -"Cool off, beautiful. Didn't you see the sign says ""Dimout Zone?"" There's a war on, you know?" Come on. You're seriously trying to tell me the Japs can't find Los Angeles without my headlights? -Come on. You're seriously trying to tell me the Japs can't find Los Angeles without my headlights? I didn't make the law, lady. I just enforce it. -Get your clothes on. You have no right! You have no fucking right, you bastards! Get the hell out of here -- -You have no right! You have no fucking right, you bastards! Get the hell out of here -- Get your clothes on, lady -- -Get your clothes on, lady -- GET OUT! -GET OUT! You're under arrest. -You learn your lines? Sort of. -Sort of. There've been some calls. -There've been some calls. Who? -Who? Well... about half an hour ago that woman from the talent department called, what's her name? -Well... about half an hour ago that woman from the talent department called, what's her name? Claire? -Claire? Yeah, Claire. She said she was fired. Too bad, huh? -Yeah, Claire. She said she was fired. Too bad, huh? Fired? -Fired? Yeah. She said she delivered your message and that you'd understand. -There was another call too. From your agent. He says your summer stock deal is all set. So you're going back east, huh? ...Yes. -...Yes. Without me. -Without me. Showdown. -Showdown. You weren't going to tell me, were you? Just pack up and leave, is that it? -You weren't going to tell me, were you? Just pack up and leave, is that it? Dick, we need some time apart -- -Dick, we need some time apart -- Hey, I'm not a complete fool, you know. I can see you're going sour on me, and when I try to do something about it, you turn your back and say it's nothing. -Hey, I'm not a complete fool, you know. I can see you're going sour on me, and when I try to do something about it, you turn your back and say it's nothing. Dick, I can't even breathe here... -Dick, I can't even breathe here... Dwayne! I'm Dwayne now! And you damn well better get used to it! -Dwayne! I'm Dwayne now! And you damn well better get used to it! Dick... -Dick... I don't suppose it occurred to you that I might want to leave too, that I might want to do theatre? No, 'cause you don't want me along, do you? And the reason has nothing to do with summer stock. -I don't suppose it occurred to you that I might want to leave too, that I might want to do theatre? No, 'cause you don't want me along, do you? And the reason has nothing to do with summer stock. No? -No? No. It's all about that night, isn't it? -No. It's all about that night, isn't it? What night? -What night? The premiere. I never pressed you about it but god damn it, you're gonna tell me right here and right now what happened and where the hell you were! -The premiere. I never pressed you about it but god damn it, you're gonna tell me right here and right now what happened and where the hell you were! You want his name? -Oh, God! Let's get her out of here tonight, right now! Let's take her with us! The hearing's tomorrow. If she gets out legally, they can't come after her. -The hearing's tomorrow. If she gets out legally, they can't come after her. Look at her! She'll never pass that sanity test tomorrow... -Look at her! She'll never pass that sanity test tomorrow... I'm taking care of that, Harry. Just hold her. Reserpine. I guarantee you this'll clear her head. She'll wake up feeling smart and sailright through the hearing. -Let's get out of here! I'll lose my job! Frances, we gotta do it this way. Just remember tomorrow, remember what I told you. What're you gonna tell 'em? -Harry! I gotta go now. -We're all square now, Harry. Right? All square, Doc. -All square, Doc. Good. 'Cause I don't want to see you again. -Doctor, it may sound odd, but I believe I've profited from my stay here. It's just what I've needed, to get away like this. But I'm recuperated now. I've had lots of time to think and I've made a few decisions about my life. I'm ready to get on with it. I know you believe that. -I know you believe that. ...Don't you? -...Don't you? I'm afraid not. You see, we observe things that you're unaware of: signs, indicators. Your problem cuts very deep, Frances, and we have to get at that deeper stuff so that when you do get out, you'll really feel secure. Does that make sense? -No. Cut this runaround, Doctor. I know better. Listen to yourself, Frances. The resistance, the anger in your voice. -Listen to yourself, Frances. The resistance, the anger in your voice. You... I'm sorry, forgive me. Doctor, tell me honestly, what do I have to do to get out of here? -You... I'm sorry, forgive me. Doctor, tell me honestly, what do I have to do to get out of here? Be patient, that's all. Take an interest in your treatment and don't dwell on your resentments. You'll be yourself again, I assure you. -Be patient, that's all. Take an interest in your treatment and don't dwell on your resentments. You'll be yourself again, I assure you. ...I see. -...I see. We'll talk more about this. I'll see you later. -We'll talk more about this. I'll see you later. One question. If I'm not myself now, just who do you think I am? -Harry? Oh Harry, I knew you'd come. I love you, Harry. I love... Take me home, Harry. We'll get you home, Frances. -We'll get you home, Frances. Thank you, Harry. -"This is the answer: a subscription drive to ""Voice of Action!"" First prize is a trip to Moscow! You could visit the art theatre, maybe even meet Stanislavski!" But I'll never win that. -But I'll never win that. Yes, yes, it's all arranged. Everyone's collecting subscriptions in your name. And the best part is: the trip returns you to New York. -Yes, yes, it's all arranged. Everyone's collecting subscriptions in your name. And the best part is: the trip returns you to New York. Really? -Really? New York, Frances! Broadway! This is your chance! You belong on the stage! -New York, Frances! Broadway! This is your chance! You belong on the stage! Thank you. -...until finally your mother finds it necessary to commit you to a state mental institution. Were you mentally ill, Frances? ...No, Ralph. I don't believe I ever was sick. But when you're treated like a patient long enough, you're apt to act like one... -Were you an alcoholic? No. -No. Were you a drug addict? -Were you a drug addict? No. Never. -Thank you, Ralph. Thank you, Frances. And after the show we're hosting a reception for you and your friends at Hollywood's own Roosevelt Hotel! -Bye, baby. See you next weekend, Dad. -I'm... I'm really proud of you, Frances. Thanks, Dad. -Thanks, Dad. An essay contest... a national contest. That's pretty impressive. -An essay contest... a national contest. That's pretty impressive. I didn't have much to do with it. -I didn't have much to do with it. You wrote it, didn't you? -You wrote it, didn't you? Yeah, I suppose... Dad, who's Harry York? -Yeah, I suppose... Dad, who's Harry York? Well, Harry York is a guy who... well, he does a lot of things. Why do you ask? -Well, Harry York is a guy who... well, he does a lot of things. Why do you ask? He talked to me today. Told me to keep my mouth shut or I'd get everybody in trouble. -He talked to me today. Told me to keep my mouth shut or I'd get everybody in trouble. Yeah... well... it's possible. Harry York and I both work for Mr. Kaminski right now, and... well... There are lots of folks in this country who never got a square break. That's the way of things, but Mr. Kaminski wants to change it, and when it comes to new ideas, the people in power get nervous. -Yeah... well... it's possible. Harry York and I both work for Mr. Kaminski right now, and... well... There are lots of folks in this country who never got a square break. That's the way of things, but Mr. Kaminski wants to change it, and when it comes to new ideas, the people in power get nervous. Is Kaminski a Communist? -Is Kaminski a Communist? No, no, no. All he wants to do is see the common man get a little representation. -No, no, no. All he wants to do is see the common man get a little representation. He's a socialist, then? -It's already started, Dad... with me. I know. -I know. And I can't understand how it can hurt to be honest, but the more I tried to explain -- -Dad, please, don't leave early. Just because of Mama -- Francie, you'll learn that sometimes it's best to stay low and just walk away. -What do I do, Dad? You really want to go? -You really want to go? Of course. -Of course. And you think it's worth all this? -And you think it's worth all this? If I didn't, I wouldn't put you through it. -If I didn't, I wouldn't put you through it. ...Then go. -I love you, Mama. I love you, Dad. Be careful, Francie. -...So what do you think? I don't know, honey. Your mother has such big plans for you. -I don't know, honey. Your mother has such big plans for you. I know that, Dad, but -- -I know that, Dad, but -- What you have to understand, Francie, is that she... well... she wanted so much for herself too, and for me, and she never really got to... The only time I ever saw her happy was if her name was in the papers... but she could have been... if times were different she could have been a politician or... I don't know. -What you have to understand, Francie, is that she... well... she wanted so much for herself too, and for me, and she never really got to... The only time I ever saw her happy was if her name was in the papers... but she could have been... if times were different she could have been a politician or... I don't know. But Dad, I'm asking about me. What do you think I should do? -But Dad, I'm asking about me. What do you think I should do? Well, Francie, sometimes after you get your hands on something you want, it just doesn't look the same. Then you have to be real smart to know if you should hold onto it because it's all you've got... or just let it go. This is the way of things, but I guess you already know that. -Well, Francie, sometimes after you get your hands on something you want, it just doesn't look the same. Then you have to be real smart to know if you should hold onto it because it's all you've got... or just let it go. This is the way of things, but I guess you already know that. Dad... whatever I decide, will it be okay with you? -Dad... whatever I decide, will it be okay with you? Always. Always. -I'm sorry, I... I don't have a desk in my room, and... I don't care, Dad. I love you. -I don't care, Dad. I love you. I love you too, Francie. -Francie, you know I can't do that. Why? It's such a simple thing. You just let me out and I disappear down a road and you never have to see me again. -Why? It's such a simple thing. You just let me out and I disappear down a road and you never have to see me again. They'll just catch you again, Francie. Besides, your mother will know. -Dad, here! You don't have to stop, just slow down. You can tell Mama I jumped out. She knows that's the kind of thing I'd do. She won't blame you. But I gave her my word. Besides, she's still your legal guardian. My hands are tied. -You know where you're taking me. You know what she'll do. Just give me a minute, slow down, give me an instant for once in your life, please? Please, Francie... -Please, Francie... Daddy! -Are you... are you hungry? I pity us, Dad. I pity us both. -It always amazes me, Lil, how you can whip up a hot, hearty meal out of thin air. I can thank you for that. It was a hard-earned talent. -Bread? Thank you. -Thank you. When's the last time you saw a hundred dollars, Ernest Farmer? -You're poisoning that child's mind. I have a right to talk to her. She's my daughter, and she's beginning to understand why I've sacrificed so much in order to achieve... -I have a right to talk to her. She's my daughter, and she's beginning to understand why I've sacrificed so much in order to achieve... You've sacrificed?! If you'd practice law for decent folk instead of Communists and indigents -- -You've sacrificed?! If you'd practice law for decent folk instead of Communists and indigents -- They need help, Lil. They pay me back in other ways. -They need help, Lil. They pay me back in other ways. How? What do they do for you, Kaminski and his friends? They're all anarchists! Traitors! -How? What do they do for you, Kaminski and his friends? They're all anarchists! Traitors! No, Lil. It's just you can't understand their brand of patriotism. -No, Lil. It's just you can't understand their brand of patriotism. That's right. I can't understand a man who puts strangers over his family, a man who gives up a good career to become a shiftless inkhorn failure. -I'm going back to the hotel. Good. -Good. See you next weekend? -See you next weekend? As usual. Everything as usual, Mr. Farmer. Just give me my due. -Lillian... I'm more than willing to meet you halfway. Don't make me sick. I'd sooner drown myself in Puget Sound. -Don't make me sick. I'd sooner drown myself in Puget Sound. That's a thought, Lil. That sure is a thought. -Kurt! Oh, Angela! Go with these trappers! They'll lead you safely down the mountain... -Oh, Angela! Go with these trappers! They'll lead you safely down the mountain... But, Kurt, I... -But, Kurt, I... No, No arguments. Be my good girl and go. There's a forest, a burning forest, and you know what I have to do! -No, No arguments. Be my good girl and go. There's a forest, a burning forest, and you know what I have to do! Oh, Kurt! -Oh, Kurt! Oh Angela, my own... Angela! -Name? I don't believe this! You jerks drag me down here in the middle of the night and you don't even know who the hell I am! -Age? Fifteen. -Fifteen. Address? -Address? Just put me down as a avg -- a vagrant vagabond. Come on, this is a joke! Assault and battery? I barely touched that bitch! -Just put me down as a avg -- a vagrant vagabond. Come on, this is a joke! Assault and battery? I barely touched that bitch! Occupation? -I'm really sad it's closing. Now what am I gonna do on Tuesday nights? You can always come see it in London. -You can always come see it in London. Only if you were in it. Are you? -Only if you were in it. Are you? I wouldn't miss it. -I wouldn't miss it. Boy, I'd love to... but I'm going to Hollywood. -Boy, I'd love to... but I'm going to Hollywood. Are you an actor? -Are you an actor? Hell yes!... well, okay, I'm still in school. But as soon as I graduate... California, here I come! -Hell yes!... well, okay, I'm still in school. But as soon as I graduate... California, here I come! Are you really serious? About acting? -Are you really serious? About acting? Why... yes. -Why... yes. Then don't go to Hollywood. -Then don't go to Hollywood. Why? -Why? I'm telling you straight, if you have any serious ambitions, stay clear of the place. It'll crush you. -I'm telling you straight, if you have any serious ambitions, stay clear of the place. It'll crush you. You sound as if you hate it. -You sound as if you hate it. No, I don't hate it. -Aren't you ever going back? ...Not if I can help it. -...Not if I can help it. Gosh! You'll break a lot of hearts. -Gosh! You'll break a lot of hearts. They'll mend. -They'll mend. What about your husband? -What? Will you be getting back together? When you quit Hollywood, I mean. -Will you be getting back together? When you quit Hollywood, I mean. What is this? -Is it true you're getting a divorce? Comrade? Why, you... you little bastard! -Just one minute... You're wasting your time, lady. Nothing's off the record with me. -Momma told ya not to speak to strangers, huh? Hey! Don't touch me. -Don't touch me. I'm not gonna hurt you. I just wanna talk. -Okay then... Well... you're causin' trouble, you know that? -Well... you're causin' trouble, you know that? I'm causing trouble?! You're a pain in the butt! You newshounds've been after me and my folks ever since I won that dumb contest. I'm just sixteen, you know? Who the hell cares what I think? -I'm causing trouble?! You're a pain in the butt! You newshounds've been after me and my folks ever since I won that dumb contest. I'm just sixteen, you know? Who the hell cares what I think? Not me. But other people seem to. -Not me. But other people seem to. Yeah. Well if you didn't put it in the papers -- nobody'd even know about it. -Yeah. Well if you didn't put it in the papers -- nobody'd even know about it. Now wait a minute, sweetie. Do I look like a newshound to you? -Now wait a minute, sweetie. Do I look like a newshound to you? No... Actually, you look more like a cop. -I'll... take your word for it. So who are you, then? Harry York. I work for Martoni Kaminski, he's running for Congress here. -Harry York. I work for Martoni Kaminski, he's running for Congress here. Oh yeah! I saw you in the newsreel! -Oh yeah! I saw you in the newsreel! Yeah, well -- -Yeah, well -- You know, my Dad's done some work for Kaminski... -You know, my Dad's done some work for Kaminski... Now you're catchin' on. Don't wanna get your Daddy in hot water, do you? -Now you're catchin' on. Don't wanna get your Daddy in hot water, do you? Whattaya mean? -Whattaya mean? Well... see the papers've got us pegged as pinkos, then you come along, the friendly neighborhood atheist -- -Well... see the papers've got us pegged as pinkos, then you come along, the friendly neighborhood atheist -- But I'm not. The newspapers're -- -But I'm not. The newspapers're -- Right again. You're no more an atheist than my man's a Red, but what they're doin', see, they're addin' up their version of your ideas with their version of ours. Could look bad for your Daddy. -Right again. You're no more an atheist than my man's a Red, but what they're doin', see, they're addin' up their version of your ideas with their version of ours. Could look bad for your Daddy. Yeah. Could look bad for you and Kaminski too, I guess. -Sure don't talk like you're sixteen. Well aren't you the smoothie. Now you're going to ask for my number, I suppose. -Well aren't you the smoothie. Now you're going to ask for my number, I suppose. I suppose not. Gotta ask you this, though: for all our sakes, you better keep your trap shut. -I suppose not. Gotta ask you this, though: for all our sakes, you better keep your trap shut. Well... I'll give it a try, Mr. York. -Well... I'll give it a try, Mr. York. Harry. -Harry. Harry. -Hi, Harry. Did you see the play? You think I'd miss it? -You think I'd miss it? Well? What'd you think? -Well? What'd you think? I just wanted to see how you looked. -I just wanted to see how you looked. How'd I look? -How'd I look? Enh. -Enh. Don't be a rat, Harry. -Don't be a rat, Harry. You looked okay. Joint's pretty dead. How 'bout I take you home? -Honest. When you were up there, you were really... there, know what I mean? Everyone else looked stupid. I don't know... I did... feel different... Alive. -I don't know... I did... feel different... Alive. Yeah, it's a gift. You gotta do something with it. -Yeah, it's a gift. You gotta do something with it. Yeah, but if I win this trip, Mama'll kill me. She hates Russians. I do want to go, though... to New York, especially... but I wanted to do it... -Yeah, but if I win this trip, Mama'll kill me. She hates Russians. I do want to go, though... to New York, especially... but I wanted to do it... What? -What? Quietly. -Quietly. You're not the quiet type, Frances. -You know, my old man was an inventor. Spent his whole life down in the basement trying to design transcontinental underground railroads, stuff like that. Well, I was supposed to be his partner. When I told him the smell of his workshop made me sick, I thought he was going to die right there. What happened to him? -What happened to him? He retired to Florida... made a killing in vending machines. -I kick myself sometimes, but the thing is, I would have been miserable living his life. ...So you think I should go. -...So you think I should go. Sure. Try this acting thing. You can make good money at it. -Sure. Try this acting thing. You can make good money at it. I don't know, Harry. I... I want so many... -I don't know, Harry. I... I want so many... You don't know what you want. -You don't know what you want. Yeah. -Frances... What? -What? Well... don't you think it's up to me to... -Well... don't you think it's up to me to... Come on, Harry. This is America, land of the free. I thought we might go skinny dipping. For starters. -How ya doin', Farmer? Me? Look at you! What're you doing in Hollywood? -Me? Look at you! What're you doing in Hollywood? Came to get a tan. -Not bad. But come on, Harry; what's the real reason? Kaminski. -Kaminski. Yeah, I read about that. Terrible business, suicide. -Yeah, I read about that. Terrible business, suicide. Since when do you believe the papers? They killed him, kid. -Since when do you believe the papers? They killed him, kid. What? -What? They killed him. They threw him out that window. -They killed him. They threw him out that window. Oh no... -Oh no... Eight stories. -Jesus. Yup. Poor bastard lay there on the sidewalk and he couldn't die. Too god damn much heart. He just didn't want to die. -Yup. Poor bastard lay there on the sidewalk and he couldn't die. Too god damn much heart. He just didn't want to die. But... but why, Harry...? Why'd they do it? -But... but why, Harry...? Why'd they do it? He wouldn't play ball. What can I tell ya... it's done. Anyway, I didn't want to be next, so I skipped town; came down here to work for some big-wig. Tail and nail job. I'm sort of a non-gentleman's non- gentleman. How d'ya like the camouflage? -He wouldn't play ball. What can I tell ya... it's done. Anyway, I didn't want to be next, so I skipped town; came down here to work for some big-wig. Tail and nail job. I'm sort of a non-gentleman's non- gentleman. How d'ya like the camouflage? You jackass! C'mon, let's get out of here. -Not bad. It was slow at first, but I'm doing bits now. I always told ya, Frances. You got real ability. -I always told ya, Frances. You got real ability. I know what ability you're interested in. -I know what ability you're interested in. Hey, I'm a man, aren't I? Whattaya say we have dinner, then maybe head out to the beach, rub some of this tan off each other. For old time's sake. -Hey, I'm a man, aren't I? Whattaya say we have dinner, then maybe head out to the beach, rub some of this tan off each other. For old time's sake. Harry... I met someone. -Harry... I met someone. Yeah? What is he -- muscleman? Lifeguard? -Serious, huh? Yeah. -Yeah. Hey that's great, Farmer, just great. -Shit. I meant the other way around. Well, the studio told me not to. -Well, the studio told me not to. Is that why you did it? -Is that why you did it? Who ever thought they'd be right for once? Jesus, Harry... it's a zoo back there -- -Who ever thought they'd be right for once? Jesus, Harry... it's a zoo back there -- You're telling me. -You're telling me. Dick... and my mother! She acts like she's on Mars or something -- -Dick... and my mother! She acts like she's on Mars or something -- Well, she's back to earth now. They're all pretty huffed up about your leaving. I think you better go back, kid. -Well, she's back to earth now. They're all pretty huffed up about your leaving. I think you better go back, kid. Forget it. -You know, the funny thing is: it's not a great movie. I mean it could've been, but they screwed it up, gave it a happy ending. And all my friends, I know they're going to smile and say they loved it. If they say they love it, they'll probably love it. Not everybody lies, you know? -If they say they love it, they'll probably love it. Not everybody lies, you know? No, they don't, do they? -Frances, you're a movie star now. If you give them what they want, you can get anything. I don't have what they want, Harry. Harry, will you tell me something? How can I keep making movies when people in the streets are starving? -I don't have what they want, Harry. Harry, will you tell me something? How can I keep making movies when people in the streets are starving? Some people starve, kid. Until we can do something about it, they might as well see a movie. Makes 'em feel better. -Some people starve, kid. Until we can do something about it, they might as well see a movie. Makes 'em feel better. But I don't want to be like that. I want to do something... -But I don't want to be like that. I want to do something... What're you gonna do, waste your talent? Why not use it to make something worthwhile. You can do that, you know? -What're you gonna do, waste your talent? Why not use it to make something worthwhile. You can do that, you know? Yeah, if I don't make too big an ass of myself. -Tell you what. Let's ditch the limo. Let me drive you up to that red carpet in my beat up Chevy. The hell you will, Harry York. -The hell you will, Harry York. Come on, Cinderella, your pumpkin awaits. -Don't start, Farmer. It's midnight, Harry. My glittering raiments are dissolving. -It's midnight, Harry. My glittering raiments are dissolving. The chauffeur. He's watching. -The chauffeur. He's watching. He deserves a show. He missed the movie. -He deserves a show. He missed the movie. I'm serious, Frances. This is important. -I'm serious, Frances. This is important. I know. -Harry? Harry, where are you?! Jesus, Frances, how'd you find me? -Jesus, Frances, how'd you find me? I called your god-damned office! I want you to kill him, Harry. You'll do that for me, won't you? I loved him, I loved him... that bastard. -I called your god-damned office! I want you to kill him, Harry. You'll do that for me, won't you? I loved him, I loved him... that bastard. Calm down, Frances. -Calm down, Frances. Don't tell me what to do, just give me his head on a platter! -Two lines! Two fucking lines! 'My wife returns from Europe tomorrow. I can't see you any more.' Just like that! Frances... -Frances... Harry, I hate being in love. I don't ever want to be in love again. I just hate it! -How the hell do you find me anyway? Animal magnetism! No ginger beer. What's this red stuff? -Animal magnetism! No ginger beer. What's this red stuff? What's left of my blood. -What's left of my blood. Think I'll have a glass. -Think I'll have a glass. Help yourself. Everyone else has. -Nice joint. Can you afford it? Nope. The studio pays. Thank you, Harry. -Nope. The studio pays. Thank you, Harry. What for? -What for? For not chopping off his head and serving it to me on a platter. -For not chopping off his head and serving it to me on a platter. Well, I would have, you know? I just didn't know how to cook it. -Six months' probation...? You gotta learn when to do battle, Farmer. You're not going to win many bouts with 200 pound cops. I took the early rounds. -I took the early rounds. I'll bet. -I'll bet. I don't know. It hurts, Harry. Some things, no matter what you do with them, they just hurt. -I don't know. It hurts, Harry. Some things, no matter what you do with them, they just hurt. So you drink, and you fight with a cop...? -So you drink, and you fight with a cop...? Yeah, and you look at people and you wonder who the hell they are, what's going on inside their heads. Sometimes you can hear it, like a buzzing, the things that happen in their heads. And you wonder: does anybody ever love anybody, really? -Yeah, and you look at people and you wonder who the hell they are, what's going on inside their heads. Sometimes you can hear it, like a buzzing, the things that happen in their heads. And you wonder: does anybody ever love anybody, really? Beats me. -Hey look, I got some business down in San Diego. Whattaya say you come with me, stay a few days? No, Harry, I can't -- -No, Harry, I can't -- You're coming. -I just wanted to be part of something... one thing, one play or one movie, something that was really fine... memorable. And I could say: I did that, I made something good. And? -And? Well... to get a crack at something good, you gotta earn it, you gotta climb the ladder first. So you do, you work hard, and all these people behind you are pushing you up, shouting you on. And then one day you realize you are, you're at the top... and there's nothing there. And you look behind you and there's no one below. You're just left there all alone... swaying in the god-damned breeze. -Take a walk, pal. Who said I was a lady? -Oh my God, I look awful. You've looked a whole lot better. C'mon. -Evening, gorgeous. That sure looks like fun... You know how long it's been since I was behind the wheel? -That sure looks like fun... You know how long it's been since I was behind the wheel? Forget it, Frances. You're not driving. -Forget it, Frances. You're not driving. Have I told you how mean you're turning, York? -Where are we, mean man? Couple hours from Idaho. We'll cut across to Montana. I've got friends there with a ranch. -Couple hours from Idaho. We'll cut across to Montana. I've got friends there with a ranch. I should've known... -I should've known... What? -What? This is another one of your schemes to get me off alone... -This is another one of your schemes to get me off alone... That's right. -That's right. ...Take advantage of me. -I don't think I'd be much good in a war... Whattaya think you're in now? -Whattaya think you're in now? I don't know. Not a war exactly. It's more a... a misapprehension maybe... -I don't know. Not a war exactly. It's more a... a misapprehension maybe... Huh? -Huh? A misunderstanding, people taking the wrong meaning from things. I wasn't declaring war, Harry. I was just saying my prayers. -Harry, I have to go home. I have to talk to Mama. Frances, you're fulla drugs. You don't know what you're saying. Who do you think put you into Meadow Wood? Your mother thinks you're crazy and she'll keep on thinking it as long as it suits her. -Frances, you're fulla drugs. You don't know what you're saying. Who do you think put you into Meadow Wood? Your mother thinks you're crazy and she'll keep on thinking it as long as it suits her. No, she just didn't want me going to jail, that's all. -No, she just didn't want me going to jail, that's all. Yeah? She's a shark, Frances. I'm not taking you there, and that's that! -You know something, Harry? I guess. -I guess. Aside from meanness, you're almost perfect. There's only one other thing wrong with you. -Aside from meanness, you're almost perfect. There's only one other thing wrong with you. What's that? -What's that? You can't drink. -Ohhh, that's lousy Scotch! Hey! Another shot for the lady and a double for me! -Hey! Another shot for the lady and a double for me! What a man! -What a man! Hey, you're a good quarter-horse, kid, but you can't go a route of ground. -Hey, you're a good quarter-horse, kid, but you can't go a route of ground. To quarter-horses. -To quarter-horses. No. To thoroughbreds. -Why are you always leaving me, Harry? Huh? -Huh? You should stickaround sometimes. Look out for me. -You should stickaround sometimes. Look out for me. Look, Frances, I'm only gonna ask this one time. I mean it. I swear after this, I'll never ask again: Will you marry me? -Look, Frances, I'm only gonna ask this one time. I mean it. I swear after this, I'll never ask again: Will you marry me? I know a thing or two about marriage. You... you understand me more than anyone, Harry... maybe even more than Mama. But... you're too important to me. I'd fail you. I don't know how or why, but I would. And that's a chance I just can't take. Do you understand? -I know a thing or two about marriage. You... you understand me more than anyone, Harry... maybe even more than Mama. But... you're too important to me. I'd fail you. I don't know how or why, but I would. And that's a chance I just can't take. Do you understand? Well... I'll act like I do until I do. -There's just one more thing. What's that? -What's that? Will you marry me? -It's not too late to keep going, up to Vancouver? Be the smartest thing. Thanks, Harry, really, but... I can't explain it. She's my mother. She's just... I can't give up on her that easy. -Thanks, Harry, really, but... I can't explain it. She's my mother. She's just... I can't give up on her that easy. You give up on her? -You give up on her? Yeah. It's just... something I gotta do, I guess. -Yeah. It's just... something I gotta do, I guess. Frances, You're crazy. -Frances, You're crazy. I know. Don't tell anyone. -Anyway... if you need me... I got your number, Mister Man. -Frances! Frances! Who? -Who? Frances, it's me, Harry? -Frances, it's me, Harry? ...Touch me again and I'll kill you, you pig. -I love you, Harry. I love you. I love you too, Frances. -Where to? Oh Harry... -This is it, kid. This is our chance. When you got a chance, you better take it. Yeah. I don't know. -Yeah. I don't know. You don't need to screw around anymore. You don't need Dwayne Steele or Odets or your mother. You need me. -You don't need to screw around anymore. You don't need Dwayne Steele or Odets or your mother. You need me. I know, but... There were so many people in there, Harry. Every time I turned around someone was pressing against me... watching, looking over my shoulder, touching me, grabbing, sticking things into me. When I feel somebody near me now... anybody... my skin starts to crawl. -Been a lot of years, you know. A long time waiting. For what? End up feeling like a sap. Oh please, Harry... don't even think it. You're the only person who ever... It's just... Can't you wait for me? -Oh please, Harry... don't even think it. You're the only person who ever... It's just... Can't you wait for me? I don't know. -I don't know. Yes you do. If you love me you can wait, right? A month, six months, whatever it takes. -Yes you do. If you love me you can wait, right? A month, six months, whatever it takes. Right. Except... time has a way of -- -Right. Except... time has a way of -- No, Harry, it's not time, it's us. You and me. And I'm telling you now that I'll come to you, okay? I'll find you. I will. -No, Harry, it's not time, it's us. You and me. And I'm telling you now that I'll come to you, okay? I'll find you. I will. I hope so, Frances. -C'mere. I want to talk to you. Oh. Why, Harry York. How nice to see you. -How... how ya doin', Farmer? Fine, thank you. Did you watch the show? -Fine, thank you. Did you watch the show? Sure I did, that's why I'm here. -Sure I did, that's why I'm here. How did I look? -How did I look? Oh, you... ...ennh. -Oh, you... ...ennh. Well... you're looking well. -I got a new car. Only it's red. Did you know Mama died? Yeah. Yeah, I heard about that. -Yeah. Yeah, I heard about that. Dad, too. I sold the house. I'm a faceless sinner, Harry... -Dad, too. I sold the house. I'm a faceless sinner, Harry... Why do you say that? -Why do you say that? I'd ask you to take me home, but I'm a faceless sinner. ...You smell good, Harry. Familiar, you know? I'd ask you to take me home, but... -It's going to be slow from now on. Do you know what I mean, Harry? I'm not sure. -I'm not sure. Very slow. But we're not going to stop, are we? -Very slow. But we're not going to stop, are we? No. -No. No, we're not. -Goodbye, Harry. It was very good to see you again. Yes. Would you like me to walk a little way with you? -Yes. Would you like me to walk a little way with you? That would be okay. -That would be okay. Just a little way. -Pretty morning. It's always beautiful at this time. Peaceful... -It's always beautiful at this time. Peaceful... And no people. -And no people. Yes. -Where you goin'? Wherever they're going, I'm going. -Wherever they're going, I'm going. Yeah, I know what that's like... Where you been? -Yeah, I know what that's like... Where you been? Well, I was picking fruit with some migrant workers until... -Yeah. What'd you do? -What'd you do? You know, I've never been able to figure that out. -Shit! Run! -...Is that not true? Who's writing this guy's lines? -Who's writing this guy's lines? Answer the question! Have you driven a car since you were placed on probation? -Answer the question! Have you driven a car since you were placed on probation? No, I couldn't get my hands on one. -No, I couldn't get my hands on one. Have you reported to your Probation Officer as directed? -Have you reported to your Probation Officer as directed? I never saw him. Why didn't he show up? -I never saw him. Why didn't he show up? Did you expect him to look you up? -Did you expect him to look you up? Why, certainly. I wanted to get a peek at his face... -You're on your way to a contempt citation, young lady. That's fine with me... Get it? Fine. A fine! Hey c'mon, c'mon, what is this, an audience or a jury? -That's fine with me... Get it? Fine. A fine! Hey c'mon, c'mon, what is this, an audience or a jury? Miss Farmer, is it true you fought with the policeman who arrested you last night? -Miss Farmer, is it true you fought with the policeman who arrested you last night? Sure it's true. I was fighting for my country as well as myself. -Sure it's true. I was fighting for my country as well as myself. Miss Farmer, you were advised at the last hearing that if you took one drink of liquor or failed to be a law-abiding citizen -- -Miss Farmer! In light of your flagrant disregard for the conditions of your probation, coupled with the unwarranted assault on the Plaintiff here... I am forced to order you to begin serving a sentence of 180 days in the County Jail. Fine! -Fine! You are a deeply troubled young lady... I only hope you change your course before it's too late. -What happened? Who're you? Who're you? -Who're you? I live here. -I live here. You're Farmer? Oh... Well, look, they took your stuff out. Moved it to some hotel, I think. -You're Farmer? Oh... Well, look, they took your stuff out. Moved it to some hotel, I think. What? -What? I'm preparin' it for the next tenant, he's coming in tomorrow. -And what's the title of this seduc... assault? 'Golden Boy.' -That's me, Clifford. I know, but I'm not seeing it. It's there, Frances, the fire is there, but it's not coming through. You're lazy -- -I'm not! Yes, you win them, you bring them into your heart, touch them, but you don't set them on fire! -Yes, you win them, you bring them into your heart, touch them, but you don't set them on fire! But I want to. I'm trying! -But I want to. I'm trying! I need an incendiary! An arsonist! -I need an incendiary! An arsonist! Then show me! That's what I'm here for, to learn, to grow! -Then show me! That's what I'm here for, to learn, to grow! Good. Then it's very simple. You have to stop being afraid, Frances. It's in you. -'But how do I know you love me?' Your big speech? -Your big speech? "'How do I know it's true? You'll get to be the champ. They'll all want you, all the girls! But I don't care. I've been undersea a long time. When they'd put their hands on me I used to say, ""This isn't it! This isn't what I mean!"" It's been a mysterious world for me! But Joe, I think you're it! I don't know why, I think you're it. Take me home with you.'" -"'How do I know it's true? You'll get to be the champ. They'll all want you, all the girls! But I don't care. I've been undersea a long time. When they'd put their hands on me I used to say, ""This isn't it! This isn't what I mean!"" It's been a mysterious world for me! But Joe, I think you're it! I don't know why, I think you're it. Take me home with you.'" I already have. -How's it sound? The speech? Real good. -The speech? Real good. You think I got it? -You think I got it? You got it. -You got it. Yeah. Yeah, tonight I think I got it. -Mama... I'm not hungry. You two just enjoy yourselves. After all, this is a celebration. -Don't listen to him, little sister. When you're proud of what you are, you don't refuse the label, understand? Yes, Ma. -Yes, Ma. And you... should be proud. You won that contest and made a name for yourself. -But they're using you! Oh Ma, they're not using me. It's just a chance to travel, see things. Besides, it's the only way I can get to New York. -I'll pay your way to New York. I'll work, I'll slave. I'll sell my vegetables to the truck farmers, or -- Oh, Mama, don't you understand? -It isn't in your hands, Mama. It's my life. Yes, but important people are concerned about this. Judge Hillier spoke to Alma Styles -- -Yes, but important people are concerned about this. Judge Hillier spoke to Alma Styles -- I don't care. -I don't care. ...You will. -It's okay. Smile, little sister, smile. -It's alright now, little sister, everything's going to be just fine. Mama, what's... -Mama, what's... Shhh, shhh. You're not going to jail, Frances. The Judge has put you under my care. I'll see you get the rest you need. -Shhh, shhh. You're not going to jail, Frances. The Judge has put you under my care. I'll see you get the rest you need. You're taking me home! -Tell them who I am! Tell them who I am! Are you crazy? Unhand that woman! That's Amelia Earhart! -And here's one from nice Mr. Zeiss. He says that... Why are these all opened? -Why are these all opened? Well, they needed immediate answers, Frances. It's good manners and good sense. You shouldn't be bothering yourself with these right now. -Well, they needed immediate answers, Frances. It's good manners and good sense. You shouldn't be bothering yourself with these right now. Then why did you bring them? -Then why did you bring them? It's your fan mail, little sister. -It's your fan mail, little sister. You kill me, Mama. -You kill me, Mama. What? -What? Go on... -Well, who have we here...? Frances, you remember my lawyer, Alma Styles? -Oh Mama, I'm so... tired of that song. Please. I want you to. It would make me so happy. -I think I need a little air. What's wrong? -What's wrong? Nothing. I think I'll just go out for awhile. -Nothing. I think I'll just go out for awhile. Where are you going? -Where are you going? For a walk, Mama. Just a walk. -How long will you be? Not long. -I'll have lunch ready by one. I'll be back. -I'll be back. At one. Promise? -At one. Promise? Sure. -Say you promise. I promise I'll... I promise, Mama. -You know, the surest way to lose an appetite, is to drink, little sister. Yes, Mama. -Yes, Mama. I don't want you drinking, Frances. -I don't want you drinking, Frances. Yes, Mama. -I'm back, Mama. Oh Frances, do I have news for you! Guess who -- -Oh Frances, do I have news for you! Guess who -- Wait, Mama, wait. I have something to tell you. I've decided... well... I'm not going to make movies anymore. I thought that's what I wanted, and I went after it with all my soul, the way you taught me, but I was miserable, Mama, and it nearly killed me. So now... now it's over. I want a different kind of life, something... simple. I want to live someplace quiet and peaceful... in the country maybe, and I'll have dogs and cats -- I feel so light suddenly, so clear for the first time in... It's going to be okay, Mama, I know it. And I love you. -Don't... talk crazy. Mama...? -Mama...? They want you back! Your agent called today! Don't you understand? He's sending the scripts. He wants to fly up here in a week with the publicity people! Frances, you can't do this to your fans! Why, they've been praying for you all through this nightmare. You can't turn your back on them now! Look at this fan mail I've been answering! -Haven't you heard what I said? I told him to come up! I told him you wanted to show them all that there's nothing wrong with you any more, that you're completely cured! -I told him to come up! I told him you wanted to show them all that there's nothing wrong with you any more, that you're completely cured! I'm not cured. I was never sick! They had no business putting me in there! My only responsibility is to myself now! -I'm not cured. I was never sick! They had no business putting me in there! My only responsibility is to myself now! You... you selfish, selfish child. At least talk to him, hear what he has to say. -You... you selfish, selfish child. At least talk to him, hear what he has to say. No! -No! You want to throw it all away, is that it? You had everything, little sister. Beauty... a brilliant career... a wonderful husband. You were a movie star! -You want to throw it all away, is that it? You had everything, little sister. Beauty... a brilliant career... a wonderful husband. You were a movie star! Mama, shut up! -Mama, shut up! And now you're throwing everything away? You're gonna be a nobody! Nobody! You know what that's like?! -And now you're throwing everything away? You're gonna be a nobody! Nobody! You know what that's like?! You... You'd send me back, wouldn't you? You would. -Where are you going? I'm going out! -I'm going out! You're not going anywhere! -You're not going anywhere! Yes, I am, and you can't stop me! You can't tell me what to do, mother. I'm a grown woman, and I can decide about my own life. -Yes, I am, and you can't stop me! You can't tell me what to do, mother. I'm a grown woman, and I can decide about my own life. Frances! -Of course, she hasn't anything definite in mind. No. No, it all depends on what offers I get. -Oh, just leave those things for now. No, Mama, I'll take care of it. I'll wash them in the morning. -You know, little sister, I never resented you for refusing to see me in the... the hospital. I knew you had to manage on your own before you could come back. Thank you for understanding, Mama. -Little sister, I don't want you to feel any rush to get back to work. I want you to rest... for a while anyway. I will, I promise. -Do I go right away or do I have time to take a bath? I was hoping for a kind word, little sister. -I was hoping for a kind word, little sister. You were hoping for a kind word?! You're my mother! You're supposed to nourish me! Support me! -You were hoping for a kind word?! You're my mother! You're supposed to nourish me! Support me! I have! -No! All you've done is try to break my spirit, try to turn me into you! But I'm not you, mother, and I never will be, and thank god for it! That goes for you too! And frankly, I don't know how, with the two of you, I turned out as sane as I am -- Wait right there, gentlemen, I'll be with you in a minute... and believe me, I don't want to stay here one second longer than I have to! But I've got to tell you, Lillian, that one day before you die, you will realize what you've done and hang your head in shame. In shame! But what -- -But what -- No! You're not talking now. You listen. You can send me away, Lillian, you can pretend I'm crazy and pretend I'm still your little girl who can't take care of herself, but one thing you can't pretend anymore. You can't pretend I love you because I don't. I can't. Not after what you've done to me. Because you see... I'm still me... I'm trying real hard all this time to be me... and you, 'little sister', you haven't been any help at all. Okay, boys, I'm ready. -On behalf of the Seattle Ladies Club, as a token of our vast admiration -- Excuse me. -Excuse me. Yes...? -Yes...? Don't I know you? -Don't I know you? I don't believe so. -I don't believe so. Sure. You shouted at me in the auditorium when I read my essay. -Sure. You shouted at me in the auditorium when I read my essay. No, my dear. You must be mistaken. -No, my dear. You must be mistaken. Oh bullshit. -I find these initial meetings to be much easier without the concerned relatives in attendance. Am I supposed to say 'thank you'? -Am I supposed to say 'thank you'? Thanks are hardly necessary. -Thanks are hardly necessary. Aw, shucks, ma'am. T'weren't nothin'. -Aw, shucks, ma'am. T'weren't nothin'. I'm glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor. -I'm glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor. It ain't for lack of trying. -It ain't for lack of trying. So it seems. May we be serious for a moment? -So it seems. May we be serious for a moment? Why, Doctor! We've only just met! -Oh! Are you really? Among persons such as yourself, creative people under great stress, erratic behavior is not at all uncommon and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. It's just that the neuroses which fuel your talent can also generate certain character disabilities which... -Do you expect me, for one moment, to believe you have greater insight into my personality than I do? Please sit down... -Please sit down... You may discuss my predicament, Doctor. You may discuss it with anyone you like, but not with me. I'm not interested. I can solve my problems without recourse to a veternarian. -You may discuss my predicament, Doctor. You may discuss it with anyone you like, but not with me. I'm not interested. I can solve my problems without recourse to a veternarian. I see. -I see. Besides, I don't want to be what you want to make me. -Besides, I don't want to be what you want to make me. And what's that? -And what's that? Normal. Average. -Normal. Average. All right. Will you please sit down now? Symington says. -All right. Will you please sit down now? Symington says. ...Did you really say that? -...Did you really say that? Just a little joke, Miss Farmer. -Just a little joke, Miss Farmer. This whole thing is a joke! -This whole thing is a joke! Stay calm, please. -Stay calm, please. "No, you stay calm, Doctor! But you're finding that difficult, aren't you? Why, are you attracted to me? Perhaps later, in some of our more intimate sessions... after we know each other a little better... and you've torn my personality to shreds, and I'm weeping and vulnerable... then you'll really get your kicks, won't you, ""Doctor?""" -"No, you stay calm, Doctor! But you're finding that difficult, aren't you? Why, are you attracted to me? Perhaps later, in some of our more intimate sessions... after we know each other a little better... and you've torn my personality to shreds, and I'm weeping and vulnerable... then you'll really get your kicks, won't you, ""Doctor?""" I'll have someone show you to your room. -I'll have someone show you to your room. Oh, that's good, very professional. In control. But the tiny beads of sweat on your upper lip give you away. -Is there something else? You didn't say 'Symington says'. -...I'm sorry to keep you waiting, the staff review ran over. Did you enjoy your mother's visit? Yes. It was very good to see her. -Yes. It was very good to see her. Really? Any problems? -Not at all. She brought me my fan mail. I had no idea there were so many strangers concerned about me. But I guess that's the best thing about working in the movies. You make so many friends. I want to go back and show them that the faith they put in me wasn't a mistake. You're telling me you feel guilty. -You're telling me you feel guilty. No... What I mean is... I'm just very excited by the prospect of getting on with my life, that's all. -No... What I mean is... I'm just very excited by the prospect of getting on with my life, that's all. Do you really believe your mother's trying to kill you? -Do you really believe your mother's trying to kill you? What? -What? "She told me you said, ""Mama, you want to kill me.""" -"She told me you said, ""Mama, you want to kill me.""" I never said... Oh look. That's just a figure of speech. She said something funny, and I said... -I never said... Oh look. That's just a figure of speech. She said something funny, and I said... And you accused her of tampering with your mail. -And you accused her of tampering with your mail. Oh for Christ's... -I'm sorry. She misunderstood, that's all. But you tell me you had a pleasant visit and your mother says you were sullen and uncommunicative. Whom do you think I should believe? -But you tell me you had a pleasant visit and your mother says you were sullen and uncommunicative. Whom do you think I should believe? Doctor, I hate to break this to you, but my mother is a little batty. -Doctor, I hate to break this to you, but my mother is a little batty. Frances, you're still filled with anxiety. You feel guilty and hostile toward your family and friends. Consequently, I didn't recommend your release at the staff review. -Frances, you're still filled with anxiety. You feel guilty and hostile toward your family and friends. Consequently, I didn't recommend your release at the staff review. You what? -You what? Mental illness is an elusive thing, and though I'm pleased you're feeling more... capable, it's perhaps unrealistic to expect you to be completely cured after so short a time. Don't you agree? -I'm sure you'll see it my way in the end. Dr. Symington, how big is your dick? -Dr. Symington, how big is your dick? Huh? -Huh? 'Cause if it's long enough, which I doubt, why don't you wrap it around and fuck yourself in the ass! -I want outta here, you understand? I'm ready to get out! So you go back there... you go back and you tell them to let me out! Frances, I'm warning you... -Frances, I'm warning you... No, I'm warning you! Who do you think you are, God? You bumble around with your folders... ...and your pencils... ...and your god-damn buttons... ...all your badges of authority! But you have no authority! You're nothing! You're a zero! -Symington says... Sedate her. -And do you think it's radical for a man to have a job and feed a family? No! -No! Is it radical for you to have a hand in shaping your future, and the future of your children? -Is it radical for you to have a hand in shaping your future, and the future of your children? No! -No! Is it radical for the wealth of this country to be turned back to the people who built the country? -Is it radical for the wealth of this country to be turned back to the people who built the country? No! No! -No! No! Good! Because, Brothers, that's you! -I don't know why they even bother. She's had enough of this to knock sense into a bull elephant. Yeah? -Yeah? I checked the files. This one holds the record for shock treatments. Four hundred seventeen and no end in sight. -I checked the files. This one holds the record for shock treatments. Four hundred seventeen and no end in sight. You're kidding. -You're kidding. Yeah, well, you know doctors. They sure hate to use that word. -Yeah, well, you know doctors. They sure hate to use that word. What? -What? 'Incurable.' -You were with him at the end. Yes. -Yes. I was watching. -I longed to be with him. But I wanted his final moments to have peace. I could see you were a friend to him. What is that to you? Evil as you are. -What is that to you? Evil as you are. I am as he made me. In his own image. -I am as he made me. In his own image. You drove him to his torment. -You drove him to his torment. And he drove me to mine. -And he drove me to mine. Then why weep for him? -Then why weep for him? Would you not? He was father. And mother. We fell from grace together. He from his God. I from mine. -I've never been shown a kindness. Show me one now. What kindness? -What kindness? Build for him a pyre. Light up the sky with his passing. -Nice. The music? Or the fire? -I'm glad you finally came to the door. A man shouldn't have to scurry in the shadows. Better that way... for me. -Better that way... for me. Why? -Why? I'm... very, very ugly. People are afraid. Except you. -I'm... very, very ugly. People are afraid. Except you. It can't be as bad as that. -It can't be as bad as that. Worse. -You're an outcast. Yes. I have been seeking my friends. -Yes. I have been seeking my friends. Friends? Do they live around here? -Friends? Do they live around here? Yes. Very close -Yes. Very close Why do you not go to them? -I have been... afraid. Afraid... they will hate me... because I am so very ugly... and they are so very beautiful People can be kinder than you think. -People can be kinder than you think. I am afraid. -Come warm yourself if you like. You speak. -You speak. Yes, I speak. And read. And think... and know the ways of Man. I've been waiting for you. Two months now. -Yes, I speak. And read. And think... and know the ways of Man. I've been waiting for you. Two months now. How did you find me? -The letters in your journal. That and a geography book. Your Elizabeth sounds lovely. Kill me and have done with it. -Kill me and have done with it. Kill you? Hardly that. -Kill you? Hardly that. Then why am I here? What did you want with me? -Then why am I here? What did you want with me? More to the point, why am I here? What did you want with me? What does one say to one's Maker, having finally met him face to face? Milton gave it voice. Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay to mould me Man? Did I solicit thee from Darkness to promote me? -More to the point, why am I here? What did you want with me? What does one say to one's Maker, having finally met him face to face? Milton gave it voice. Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay to mould me Man? Did I solicit thee from Darkness to promote me? Fine words from a child killer. You who murdered my brother. -Fine words from a child killer. You who murdered my brother. Your crime... as well as mine. -Your crime... as well as mine. How dare you. You're disgusting and evil. -How dare you. You're disgusting and evil. Evil? Do you believe in evil? -Evil? Do you believe in evil? I see it before me. -I see it before me. I'm not sure I believe. But then I had no one to instruct me. I had no mother... and my father abandoned me at birth. -Why, Victor? Why? What were you thinking? There was something at work in my soul which I do not understand. -There was something at work in my soul which I do not understand. What of my soul? Do I have one? Or was that a part you left out? Who were these people of which I am comprised? Good people? Bad people? -What of my soul? Do I have one? Or was that a part you left out? Who were these people of which I am comprised? Good people? Bad people? Materials. Nothing more. -Materials. Nothing more. You're wrong. Do you know I knew how to play this? -In which part of me did this knowledge reside? In these hands? In this mind? In this heart? And reading and speaking. Not things learned... so much as things remembered. Trace memories in the brain, perhaps. -Trace memories in the brain, perhaps. Stolen memories. Stolen and hazy. They taunt me in my dreams. I've seen a beautiful woman lying back and beckoning for me to love her. Whose woman was this? I've seen boys playing, splashing about in a stream. Whose childhood friends were these? Who am I? -Stolen memories. Stolen and hazy. They taunt me in my dreams. I've seen a beautiful woman lying back and beckoning for me to love her. Whose woman was this? I've seen boys playing, splashing about in a stream. Whose childhood friends were these? Who am I? I don't know. -I don't know. Then perhaps I believe in evil after all. -What can I do? There is something I want. A friend. -There is something I want. A friend. Friend? -Friend? A companion. A female. Like me, so she won't hate me. -A companion. A female. Like me, so she won't hate me. Like you? Oh, God, you don't know what you're asking. -Like you? Oh, God, you don't know what you're asking. I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine. And rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will demonically indulge the other. That choice is yours. You're the one who set this in motion, Frankenstein. -I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine. And rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will demonically indulge the other. That choice is yours. You're the one who set this in motion, Frankenstein. And if I consent? -And if I consent? We'd travel north, my bride and I. To the furthest reaches of the Pole, where no man has ever set foot. There we would live out our lives. Together. No human eye would ever see us again. This I vow. -Soon? Yes. I want this over and done with. -Yes. I want this over and done with. I'll be waiting. And watching. -Why... her? Her body pleases me. -What is this? A brain. Extremities. -A brain. Extremities. This was not taken from a grave. -This was not taken from a grave. What does it matter? She'll live again. You'll make her. -What does it matter? She'll live again. You'll make her. No. I draw the line. -You will honor your promise to me! I will not! Kill me now! -I will not! Kill me now! That is mild compared to what will come. If you deny me my wedding night. I'll be with you on yours. -She's beautiful. She's not for you. -She's not for you. I'm sure the lady knows her own mind. Doesn't she? Let her decide the proper suitor. -GET AWAY FROM HER! SHE'S MINE! SHE'LL NEVER BE YOURS! SHE SAID MY NAME! SHE REMEMBERS! -Poor William! What indignant tears! There, there... shhh... -That's the nature of all progress, William. Don't let your brother sway you otherwise. Quite right! -Elizabeth, really! He's quite mad! Scandalous! What would your dear mother say? -Scandalous! What would your dear mother say? One-two-three, one-two-three, twirl- two-three... -You dance so beautifully together. And you look so lovely. -Must've been a terrible row. "He was almost expelled for calling one of his professors a ""pompous... Fellow...""" -Nothing. Still nothing. It's been months. It's not like him. -It's been months. It's not like him. Something's wrong. I know it. I've heard rumors of cholera spreading south from Hamburg. -Something's wrong. I know it. I've heard rumors of cholera spreading south from Hamburg. So have I -So have I I should go. I should leave today. -I should go. I should leave today. Elizabeth. If it's true, travel into Germany would be banned. You'd never get near Ingolstadt. Besides, they're only rumors. -Elizabeth. If it's true, travel into Germany would be banned. You'd never get near Ingolstadt. Besides, they're only rumors. And not a word of them to Father. He's agitated enough not hearing from Victor. -And not a word of them to Father. He's agitated enough not hearing from Victor. Read him one of the old letters and rephrase it. We'll say it came today. It'll set his mind at ease. -Are you all right? Fine. -He always was opinionated. He set things right with a proper apology... and now they've put him in charge of dissection lab! -What does it say? Let this locket be a token of the vow we took the night I left. He's coming home to marry me. -Have you seen Willie? Is he not back yet? -Is he not back yet? Claude rode over there to see if held lost track of time. They say he never arrived. -Claude rode over there to see if held lost track of time. They say he never arrived. It's far too late for him to still be out. -Don't cry, Elizabeth. Aren't you? -Are you sure it can't hurt us? Nothing can. Not ever. -How could all my father's knowledge and skill fail to save her? It's not ours to decide. All that live must die. It's God's will. -What kind of God is He to will this? She was mother to me as well. But ours is the job of the living. It's up to us now to hold this family together. We must think of Father and be strong for him. I cannot do that alone. -She was mother to me as well. But ours is the job of the living. It's up to us now to hold this family together. We must think of Father and be strong for him. I cannot do that alone. God took her from us. -God took her from us. He left a beautiful gift in her place. A baby boy. To cherish and love as our very own. Your brother -Victor, have a care! You'll make him dizzy! The world is a dizzying place. -Oh, do give him here! He needs to be comforted and held! He needs to vent his outrage to the skies! Make yourself heard, Willie! Learning to walk is not an easy thing! Why should it be so? -Don't listen, Willie. Progress is a feast to be consumed. Women would have you believe you must walk before you can run. Or run before you can waltz! Give me that child before you fill his head with drivel! -Smell the air. Wonderful. Quite a send-off, isn't it? -Quite a send-off, isn't it? Father's so proud. -Father's so proud. And you? -And you? Prouder still. You'll be the handsomest student there. -Prouder still. You'll be the handsomest student there. I'll have to do better than that. -I'll have to do better than that. You will. What do you want, Victor? -You will. What do you want, Victor? To be the best there ever was. To push our knowledge beyond our dreams... to eradicate disease and pestilence... to purge mankind of ignorance and fear... -I've loved you all my life All my life I've known. -This feels... incestuous. Is that what makes it so delicious? -Brother and sister still? I wish to be your husband. -I wish to be your husband. I wish to be your wife. -I wish to be your wife. Then come with me to Ingolstadt. Marry me now. -Then come with me to Ingolstadt. Marry me now. If only I could. But one of us must stay. Father's not strong. Willie's just a child. Who can look after them in your absence? Who can run the estate? -If only I could. But one of us must stay. Father's not strong. Willie's just a child. Who can look after them in your absence? Who can run the estate? Only you. -Only you. I will be here when you return. -You make me weak. Not as weak as I. -Our decision. Together. Your decision. For us. -Your decision. For us. I give you my soul... -I give you my soul... ...until our wedding night. When our bodies will join. -...until our wedding night. When our bodies will join. Victor. I love you, -Victor. I love you, Elizabeth. My more than sister. -My mind was not playing tricks. He was there in the storm... gloating over his crimes... challenging me to come. But why risk yourself? Hasn't this family suffered enough? -But why risk yourself? Hasn't this family suffered enough? I've no choice -I've no choice If what you say is true, it is a matter for the police! -If what you say is true, it is a matter for the police! They've done a fine job. Hanging an innocent for the crime of a fiend. -Do you know this man? Is there something between you? I know only that he is a killer. And I shall bring back his carcass. -I thought I'd never see you again! I'm all right. I'm safe, -What sort of task? It's not something I can explain now. Perhaps someday. -It's not something I can explain now. Perhaps someday. What of our marriage? Victor, we've had so much tragedy. I want this family to live again. -What of our marriage? Victor, we've had so much tragedy. I want this family to live again. So do I. -So do I. We need each other now, I need your comfort and strength, not separation and solitude. -We need each other now, I need your comfort and strength, not separation and solitude. A month at most, that's all I ask. Elizabeth, please. Things have not yet resolved. I must take steps to see that they do. For our family's sake. For our sake. You are life itself. We shall seal our vow. The moment I am done. -No. Not tomorrow, not next week, Marry me today. Why the change? What about your work? -Why the change? What about your work? It was misguided and pointless. Is your answer yes? -It was misguided and pointless. Is your answer yes? It is -It is We'll leave this afternoon, right after the ceremony. Pack only what you need. -We'll leave this afternoon, right after the ceremony. Pack only what you need. Does this have something to do with that man you saw? -Does this have something to do with that man you saw? Yes. We're in danger here. Every moment we stay. -Yes. We're in danger here. Every moment we stay. Victor, tell me why! Trust me! -Victor, tell me why! Trust me! I do. But you must trust me for now. -Brother and sister no more. Now husband and wife. -I remember the first time I ever saw you. Crossing the floor of the grand ballroom with my parents at your side. So beautiful even then. I have been waiting for this ever since. -Victor! Open this door for no-one! -It's going to ram us. It wouldn't dare. -Captain, I implore you. The men are frightened and angry. They want your assurance. They knew the risks when they signed on. I've come too far to turn back now. -They knew the risks when they signed on. I've come too far to turn back now. Then you run the danger of pushing them to mutiny. -A warming wind. This ice will break yet. How's our guest? -This ice will break yet. How's our guest? He died. Raving about phantoms. He was mad, poor devil. Gather a detail. Have the body removed from my cabin. -He died. Raving about phantoms. He was mad, poor devil. Gather a detail. Have the body removed from my cabin. Aye, Captain. -I'm quite serious. Look at all the charity and clinic work we do. Up until thirty years ago, the concept of vaccine was unheard of. You're saying all disease will eventually be eradicated? -You're saying all disease will eventually be eradicated? I'm convinced. Not by treating symptoms, but by diving nature's most jealously-guarded secrets. -I'm convinced. Not by treating symptoms, but by diving nature's most jealously-guarded secrets. Do you foresee this happening in our lifetimes? -Do you foresee this happening in our lifetimes? No. But someday. -No. But someday. Thank goodness. We'd be out of work. -Professor? Oh God. -I was just clearing my throat. Very well then. -I am not mad. As a march hare. -Are you having me on? Of course I am. It pays to humor the insane. -Henry Clerval. Victor, Victor Frankenstein. -Victor, Victor Frankenstein. I know. You have a way of making an impression. -Do you really think I'm mad? Come now. Magnus? Agrippa? Next thing you know, you'll be teaching toadstools to speak. -Rich old ladies and their daughters? Can you think of a better reason? -Can you think of a better reason? Quite a few. -Quite a few. Do me a favor then... ...keep them to yourself. -The entire school heard it. It wasn't something one could miss. You're a comfort to me, Henry. -You're a comfort to me, Henry. What now? Writing about it in your journal won't help. -What now? Writing about it in your journal won't help. It's a letter to my father. -Now you've got him started. These are exciting times, Henry. We're entering an era of amazing breakthroughs. Look at Edward Jenner. He wasn't content to bleed people with leeches, he pioneered a new frontier of thought -These are exciting times, Henry. We're entering an era of amazing breakthroughs. Look at Edward Jenner. He wasn't content to bleed people with leeches, he pioneered a new frontier of thought ...yes, and thanks to him, smallpox has been virtually eliminated. I've heard this speech before. -...yes, and thanks to him, smallpox has been virtually eliminated. I've heard this speech before. But you haven't listened, Never in history has so much seemed possible. We're on the verge of answers undreamt of... but only if we have the courage to ask the questions. -Only you would think of that! Somebody has to! -And here's to Him. Everything in moderation, Frankenstein. Nothing in moderation, Clerval. -They just caught the man who did it. He was a frightened soul who acted out of fear and ignorance. -He was a frightened soul who acted out of fear and ignorance. They'll hang him all the same. -They'll hang him all the same. Good. I'll be there to hear his worthless neck snap. -Keep your voice down. You don't know what you're saying. It was wrong, Henry! It shouldn't have happened! The bastard deserves to die. -You're making a scene! Why Waldman? He of all people should have cheated death! -Why Waldman? He of all people should have cheated death! You can't. Death is God's will! -You can't. Death is God's will! I resent God's monopoly. -I resent God's monopoly. That's blasphemy! -That's blasphemy! Blasphemy be damned! Waldman spent his life trying to help people! -Blasphemy be damned! Waldman spent his life trying to help people! All the more reason for us to continue his work with the poor! -All the more reason for us to continue his work with the poor! No. He had more important work. -No. He had more important work. There are sick people who need our help. Here and now. Not in some future time. Consider that. -Victor. This has got to stop. Nobody's seen you in months. You haven't attended a single class. I've been preoccupied. -I've been preoccupied. We all know how hard you took Waldman's death. Even Krempe is sympathetic. But it is time to move on. It is time to concern yourself with life. -We all know how hard you took Waldman's death. Even Krempe is sympathetic. But it is time to move on. It is time to concern yourself with life. That is my concern. I'm involved in something just now. I want to finish it in Waldman's memory. -That is my concern. I'm involved in something just now. I want to finish it in Waldman's memory. How much longer? -How much longer? Few months perhaps. I'm gathering the raw materials even now. -This is a bad time, Henry. I'm busy just now. What do you want? Things have gone worse with this cholera outbreak. Thousand new cases a day now. Classes have been suspended. University's shut down. -Things have gone worse with this cholera outbreak. Thousand new cases a day now. Classes have been suspended. University's shut down. Yes? And? -Yes? And? Listen to what I'm saying. The militia's arriving to quarantine the city. Most of us are getting out while we still can. -Listen to what I'm saying. The militia's arriving to quarantine the city. Most of us are getting out while we still can. You'll be leaving then. Just as well. You never were cut out for this, Henry. Goodbye. -Thank God your fever broke. Slowly, now. Just a sip. I've been worried we might lose you. It's been touch-and-go for a week. A... week? -A... week? We feared cholera. Turned out to be pneumonia, brought on by nervous exhaustion and some idiot running around in a storm. -We feared cholera. Turned out to be pneumonia, brought on by nervous exhaustion and some idiot running around in a storm. Is that your diagnosis? -Is that your diagnosis? Mine and Professor Krempe's. We've been trading off nursing you in shifts. The rest of the time we're out working with the cholera victims. It's his turn for that just now. -Mine and Professor Krempe's. We've been trading off nursing you in shifts. The rest of the time we're out working with the cholera victims. It's his turn for that just now. You've been going round-the-clock? -You've been going round-the-clock? We catch a few hours sleep where we can. Usually here at your bedside. -We catch a few hours sleep where we can. Usually here at your bedside. Everything in moderation, Clerval. -Everything in moderation, Clerval. Nothing in moderation, Frankenstein. -It's the down-and-outs I pity most. Those who can't fend for themselves. They'll be dead by the thousands before this is done. They don't stand a chance out there. No. They don't. -No. They don't. Victor. This place looked like a charnel house. What went on here? -Quite a place. Thank you, Henry. -Thank you, Henry. For what? -For what? This. My home. My family. If not for you, I'd be dead in a burial pit somewhere. -What happened up there? I didn't find what I was looking for. -Are you sure you'll be all right? Yes, don't worry. I'll look after your father. You look after her. -Yes, don't worry. I'll look after your father. You look after her. I'll be back as soon as I've got her far away and safe. We'll hunt this fiend down together. -I'll be back as soon as I've got her far away and safe. We'll hunt this fiend down together. Only if you'll tell me who he is. -Only if you'll tell me who he is. I owe you that. Done. -All that I once loved lies in a shallow grave. By my hand. Let it go. -Yes. I took refuge in the barn. Wouldn't you? Lost in the storm? Freezing and wet? I was exhausted and could search no longer. And is it true, Miss Moritz, that you love Victor Frankenstein? That your heart was broken? Answer the question. Do you love Victor Frankenstein? -I have always loved him. Is it also not true that you murdered his brother William in a misdirected crime of passion? -Is it also not true that you murdered his brother William in a misdirected crime of passion? Murder Willie? In my heart, he was our child. Victor's and mine. Such a thing could never have entered my mind. -Murder Willie? In my heart, he was our child. Victor's and mine. Such a thing could never have entered my mind. So you have claimed. Yet you have no explanation for this. The locket last seen in the hands of the poor murdered child was found hidden in your dress the morning following the murder. The locket you so coveted. How did it come to be in your possession? -So you have claimed. Yet you have no explanation for this. The locket last seen in the hands of the poor murdered child was found hidden in your dress the morning following the murder. The locket you so coveted. How did it come to be in your possession? I have no knowledge of that. -In science, the letter of fact is the letter of law. Our pursuit is as dogmatic as any religious precept. Think of yourselves as disciples of a strict and hallowed sect. Someday you may be priests... but only if you learn the scripture chapter and verse. Any questions? But surely, Professor, you don't intend we disregard the more... philosophical works. -But surely, Professor, you don't intend we disregard the more... philosophical works. Philosophical? -Philosophical? Those which stir the imagination as well as the intellect. Paracelsus, for one. -Paracelsus? Or Albertus Magnus. Cornelius Agrippa... -Or Albertus Magnus. Cornelius Agrippa... What is your name? -What is your name? Victor Frankenstein, sir. Of geneva. -Victor Frankenstein, sir. Of geneva. Of Geneva. Tell me, Mr. Frankenstein of Geneva. Do you wish to study medicine? Or mysticism? -You seem to be adapting well to the approved curriculum. Despite the lack of challenge. -Professor Waldman. Victor, explain yourself. -Victor, explain yourself. Krempe has a way of provoking my temper. -Krempe has a way of provoking my temper. You have a way of provoking his. I've been watching you. You seem impatient with your studies. -You have a way of provoking his. I've been watching you. You seem impatient with your studies. To say the least. I came here to expand my mind, but honest inquiry seems strangled at every turn. All we do is cling to the old knowledge instead of seeking the new. -To say the least. I came here to expand my mind, but honest inquiry seems strangled at every turn. All we do is cling to the old knowledge instead of seeking the new. You disdain accepted wisdom? -You disdain accepted wisdom? No, I embrace it... as something to be used or discarded as we advance the boundaries of what is known. -Preposterous. I once saw it done, as a boy in Canton. My parents were missionaries. The cure was nothing short of miraculous. I've never forgotten it. Been fascinated ever since. -Electricity. It's utterly fantastic! This is the sort of thing I'm talking about! We should be learning this! -It's utterly fantastic! This is the sort of thing I'm talking about! We should be learning this! Why? God alone knows what it means. Until it has proven value, it's nothing more than a ghoulish parlor trick. Hardly fit for the classroom. -Why? God alone knows what it means. Until it has proven value, it's nothing more than a ghoulish parlor trick. Hardly fit for the classroom. But the possibilities. Combining ancient knowledge with new? Something like this could change our fundamental views! -But the possibilities. Combining ancient knowledge with new? Something like this could change our fundamental views! It is a thrilling direction to explore. Thrilling and dangerous. Nature can be wonderful and terrible. Science is not a realm for the reckless; it needs a conscience. We must proceed cautiously. Assess as we go. What I do on my own time is my own business. The same holds true for you. You wish to expand your mind? Fine, do so. You can even join me here, if you like. But not at the expense of your normal studies. -It is a thrilling direction to explore. Thrilling and dangerous. Nature can be wonderful and terrible. Science is not a realm for the reckless; it needs a conscience. We must proceed cautiously. Assess as we go. What I do on my own time is my own business. The same holds true for you. You wish to expand your mind? Fine, do so. You can even join me here, if you like. But not at the expense of your normal studies. I doubt that decision is still mine to make. -I doubt that decision is still mine to make. Nonsense. Tonight you will draft an apology to Professor Krempe... -"""...a sincere and heartfelt apology which you will then read aloud to him before the assembled student body and faculty." Why? -Why? Our profession needs talent like yours. Destroy your career over an issue of pride? What a waste. -Re-configure the leads? Numbers four and twelve directly into the nervous system? -Victor. He was trying to be gracious. The strain was evident. -I tell you what we need, my friends. Forget the symptoms and diseases. What we need is a vaccine for death itself. Oh, now you have gone too far. There's only one God, Victor. -You're awake. I've prepared some broth. It'll help restore you. I'm... dying. -Frostbite. Gangrene. A simple diagnosis. Are you a physician? -Are you a physician? How is it you come to be here? -How is it you come to be here? There's a startling question, coming from you. I'm captain of this ship. We sailed from Archangel a month ago, seeking a passage to the North Pole. -There's a startling question, coming from you. I'm captain of this ship. We sailed from Archangel a month ago, seeking a passage to the North Pole. Ah. An explorer. -Ah. An explorer. Would-be. I'm plagued with my share of difficulties just at the moment. -Would-be. I'm plagued with my share of difficulties just at the moment. I heard. -I heard. I can't say I blame them. We're trapped in this ice and bedeviled by some sort of... creature. -I can't say I blame them. We're trapped in this ice and bedeviled by some sort of... creature. Creature? A... human like creature? -Creature? A... human like creature? You know of it? -You know of it? Your men are right to be afraid. -Your men are right to be afraid. Then explain it, whatever it is. It could save the voyage. I've spent years planning this. My entire fortune. -Then explain it, whatever it is. It could save the voyage. I've spent years planning this. My entire fortune. You'd persist at the cost of your own life? The lives of your crew? -You'd persist at the cost of your own life? The lives of your crew? Lives are ephemeral. The knowledge we gain, the achievements we leave behind... those live on. -Do you share my madness? Madness? -We are kindred, you and I. Men of ambition. Let me tell you all that I have lost in such pursuits. I pray my story will come to mean for you all that is capricious and evil in man. Who are you? -Who are you? My name is Frankenstein... -He's dead... She's dead... all dead... Please save me... oh... poor Bill... Oh my God, oh my God... oh God... It will be all right. I'll take care of you. -It will be all right. I'll take care of you. Jack? Marcie? Ned? -It's just this place. The storm. That's why you're all upset. No, no, they're all dead... -So young, so pretty. What monster could have done such a thing? Bill -- Bill -- Bill is out there... -The killer is still out there. I will protect you. -We should go now. Maybe we should wait for Mr. Christy. -What'd you see? I don't know. Marcie's got me paranoid. -Shows how much you know. It's something about tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. -Tomorrow is another day. Right! Right! -Melvin Belli. I was careless. -I think we should go wake them up. Just in case. Give them a little while longer. It's still early, anyway. -Give them a little while longer. It's still early, anyway. I guess... -Good night, Alice. Good night, Brenda. -Cabin B is ready. Push on this side. Alice, this is Jack, Marcie and Ned. Push. -That's got her. Thanks. I'm Steve Christy. Welcome to Camp Crystal Lake. You got some grubby clothes? Climb into 'em. Alice, see if Bill has cleaned out the boathouse. I want him to start with the canoes. What happened to Brenda? You told her to sweep the courts. -You draw very well. Oh, thanks. I wish I could spend more time at it. -Any particular reason? Just a feeling. Nothing personal. -Just a feeling. Nothing personal. You want to leave? -You want to leave? I don't know. Probably be best for everybody. -I don't know. Probably be best for everybody. You may not care a lot about this place, Alice, but I mean to make it my whole life. It's been my whole life. Gimme a chance. Stay a week. Help get it ready. Next Friday, if you're not happy, I'll put you on the bus myself. I'll be grateful. -Next Friday. Thanks, Alice. -I've got to go to town and pick up the trailer and all that other stuff, but I'll be back around ten. If you're still up, we can talk, okay? Sure. -Steve said for you to start on the boats. I finished the boats. -Alice? The others show up? Everybody except the girl who's supposed to handle the kitchen. Annie. -You think you're gonna last all summer? I'm not sure I'll last all week. I'll tell Steve. -Steve said you were thinking of leaving. True? Un-hunh. -Oh, my God... You okay? -How come you're leaving? It's long and personal. It has nothing to do with you or the other kids. -It's long and personal. It has nothing to do with you or the other kids. Maybe I can help? -And it's this place. It makes no sense, but it spooks me. You're right. It makes no sense. -Filmmaker. Artist. -It still hurts? I walked into it knowing I'd get hurt, but I thought I could stand anything. I just wasn't ready for that kind of pain. We were supposed to meet in L.A. When I got back there, he sent a telegram saying he was going back to his wife. -What'll you do when you leave here? I don't know. -I didn't know I was asleep... What time is it? Almost five. -You can only do what you can do. And then Steve looks at you with those hurt eyes -- like you don't care about children... -How the... did he get in there? Slipped in. Probably liked the scent of your perfume. -Trouble? Bad bulb or no power. It's getting a little gloomy in here. -Jack and Marcie are gonna be drenched. Not if they're where I think they are. -It wouldn't matter except Steve should be getting back pretty soon. It wouldn't look so great if he fell over them. Good point. -Good point. Well, it hasn't been that long. -Help you clean up? Absolutely. -I don't hear it anymore. Can't hear anything through that wind and rain. -Can't hear anything through that wind and rain. It sounded like Brenda. -It sounded like Brenda. I'll go take a look. -I'll go take a look. Did somebody leave the lights on at the softball field? -Where? They're off now. -I'll go check on Brenda. Okay. -Jack? Marcie? -Marcie? Hey, guys! -It's dead. Try the pay phone. Do you have a dime? A quarter? -Do you have a dime? A quarter? No. There must be some in the desk somewhere. -What's the matter with it? Wet. I don't know. -Why don't we run? Just run now? It's over twenty miles to the crossroads. Steve'll be back in an hour. Things will straighten out then. We'll take his Jeep and get help. -How come? Some campers drowned. Then some counselors got killed. -I'll be along. Don't burn that gorgeous body, or I'll scratch your eyes out... -I'm sorry. Ned? We're gonna be working together for a while. You're a nice guy without all the entertainment, okay? -Sure. I'm gonna go lie down and catch some z's. Today wiped me out. Thanks, Alice. -I'm gonna go lie down and catch some z's. Today wiped me out. Thanks, Alice. You're welcome. -You said we were special. I meant everything. -You know what I said, though. I can't, Barry... -I wouldn't know. Oh, you... -Claudette... Somebody'll see. -Somebody'll see. No, they won't... -Somebody's there, Barry. Come on, Claudette. A man's not made of stone. -Come on, Claudette. A man's not made of stone. Let's go back, Barry... -Let's go back, Barry... I need you so much, Claudette. -What the hell? Where'd you get that stuff? -Give me a hand? For sure. -This is almost like the one at my uncle's cabin in Maine. Here we go. -I'll be okay. Holy shit... Don't get up. Take a second... -You saved my life. I had to. -I had to. Thanks. -Thanks. I figured if I didn't save you. I'd have to give you mouth-to-mouth and that would have ruined my appetite. -Floor probably leaks. This area is full of springs. A short somewhere. -What is it? Is it stuck? -Roll him over! Get behind him more. -Chance to get even? I'll spot you five points. -You just had some lucky shots. Where's Ned? -Did anyone ever tell you you're beautiful when you're angry? I don't believe you... -I don't believe you... Want to see my trick shot? It's even better. -You ever fire one of those bows again, and I'll tack you up on the wall to dry. God, but I love that sexy talk. -What do you want to be when you grow up? Dancer. -Holy shit... We wouldn't want you thinking you're the only show-off in camp, would we? -No wonder they lost America. How could you sneak around in the bushes wearing that? What's to eat? Whatever you make yourself. -What hath God wrought? That was the telephone. -That was the telephone. "Ha! You wily oriental! The phone was ""Mr. Watson, come in here, I need you."" ""What hath God wrought"" was the telegraph." -Ha! Sometimes I only think about kissing women. -Ow! I was just wondering if you thought there'd by any other gorgeous women at Camp Crystal Lake. Besides yourself. -What about the dope paragraph in Mr. Christy's letter? Quote: Controlled substances are expressly forbidden. Possession or use of marijuana or alcohol on campgrounds will means instant dismissal. Unquote. -Jack? Coach, athletic director somewhere. -It's gonna be a long summer. Wait, wait! When I was finding these goodies in the shed. I also found this letter which a camper never sent home. Listen. -Steve taught me how to use the emergency generator. The town power lines are supposed to be real shitty. God, but I love that macho talk! Emergency generators! The Indian used campfires. -How about our last jay? Good call. -Just a walk, for Chrissakes. Boy, we sure do have a lot of filthy small-minded people around here. Wait a minute, I'll get my diaphragm and be right with you. -Wind's up. It's shifted a good hundred and eighty degrees. Makes me want to hold on and never let go. -Makes me want to hold on and never let go. I love you. -I love you. I love you. -What about Neddy? I don't love Neddy. -I don't love Neddy. He keeps on acting like such an asshole! -He keeps on acting like such an asshole! Ned! -Ned! Don't call him. -Don't call him. I thought you wanted to give him one of your motherly lectures. Ned is gonna do whatever he wants to do, you know. -I thought you wanted to give him one of your motherly lectures. Ned is gonna do whatever he wants to do, you know. I guess... -Looks like a storm. I'm a little scared of storms. Always have been. Since I was a kid. -I'm a little scared of storms. Always have been. Since I was a kid. You? The brick? -It's just a dream. I call it my shower dream. -This is no dream. Want to escape for a while? Lead the way! -Are you wet? Just a little. Wait a minute, woman. -Mmmmmmmph? Mmmmmmmph. -Mmmmmmmph. Best over... -Best over... Umhummmmph. -Umhummmmph. Like waves. It's never been likes waves before. -Like waves. It's never been likes waves before. Whassamatta? -Whassamatta? Gotta pee. You're lying on my bladder. -Sex is all you ever think of, Neddy. There you are dead wrong. -It's beautiful... Yeah, and it also look like it hasn't seen a coat of paint in six years. -Cowboy. Girls can't be cowboys. -Girls can't be cowboys. Okay, Fireman. -Doctor. Now, if you were a flavor of ice cream, what would you be? Rocky Road. -Last line of Gone With the Wind? Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn! -You okay? Those things can be nasty. -Wait'll you're really in trouble and see what happens... "But it's in the brochure! ""Camp Crystal Lake has a full drama program."" You just saw it." -Anything else you want? No, thanks. I'm fine. Sandy. -No, thanks. I'm fine. Sandy. You can't go back there tonight. Not in that stuff. 'Less you wanta get drownded. -You can't go back there tonight. Not in that stuff. 'Less you wanta get drownded. I got to. -I got to. Aw. -I have six new counsellor up there. They're all babes in the woods in every sense of the word. They'll be okay if they know enough to stay in outta the rain. -They'll be okay if they know enough to stay in outta the rain. How much do I owe you? -How much do I owe you? One night on the town. -One night on the town. I mean... -I mean... ...I know what you mean. Two and a quarter. Plus fifteen percent tip to make up for me spending the night alone. -Yeah. I got it on before this -- -- all started. That's thirty percent. -That's thirty percent. For two lonely nights. -I told you not to buy that hunk of junk! I think water got into the electrical system. You ride me back to camp? I'll get one of my counselors to drive me back tomorrow morning. -I think water got into the electrical system. You ride me back to camp? I'll get one of my counselors to drive me back tomorrow morning. Why not? -Bad enough we got a full moon; it's Friday the 13th. They keep statistics. We get more accidents, more robberies, more rapes, more homicides, more of everything when there's a full moon. It affects people. Makes 'em nuts. You've made a science out of coincidence. -Have to drop you here, Steve. Sure. -Good luck. Another coincidence. -Another coincidence. Yeah. -How many with you? Just my son and I. -Just my son and I. What is your purpose in Mexico? -What is your purpose in Mexico? Vacation. I'm taking him to see his first bullfight. -What was that? Oh, that's just my daughter in the bathroom. -Oh, that's just my daughter in the bathroom. You said it was just you and your son. -You said it was just you and your son. I meant me, my son and my daughter. -I meant me, my son and my daughter. Open the door. I'm coming aboard. -Whatsamatter with you? Are you crazy? Why the fuck, outta all the god forsaken shit holes in Mexico, did you have us rendezvous at that place? -Why the fuck, outta all the god forsaken shit holes in Mexico, did you have us rendezvous at that place? I don't know, one place's as good as another. -I don't know, one place's as good as another. Have you ever been there before? -Have you ever been there before? No, but I passed by it a couple of times. It's out in the middle of nowhere. It seems like a rowdy place, so there wouldn't be a lot of police. And it's open from dusk till dawn. You said meet you in the morning. -No, but I passed by it a couple of times. It's out in the middle of nowhere. It seems like a rowdy place, so there wouldn't be a lot of police. And it's open from dusk till dawn. You said meet you in the morning. Well, because you picked that place out of a hat, my brother's dead now. And this girl's family's dead. -I'm sorry to hear that. What were they, psychos? Did they look like psychos? They were fuckin' vampires. Psychos don't explode when sunlight hits 'em, I don't care how crazy they are. -Oh, Seth, how can I ever make it up to you? You can't, but fifteen percent instead of thirty for my stay at El Ray is a good start. -You can't, but fifteen percent instead of thirty for my stay at El Ray is a good start. Twenty-eight. -Twenty-eight. Jesus Christ, Carlos, my brother's dead and he's not coming back, and it's all your fault. Twenty. -You like the car? I said new, this is an '90. -I said new, this is an '90. It's hardly been used at all. I got it from a drug dealer who only drove it 5 times in as many years. Swear to God. That's like new. -It's hardly been used at all. I got it from a drug dealer who only drove it 5 times in as many years. Swear to God. That's like new. So do I just follow you? -So do I just follow you? Yeah, follow us. -Yeah, follow us. So let's do it. -So let's do it. Vamanos! -We got about two more hours of day light left. That'll get us into El Paso, which is right next to the border. We'll stop at a motel -- Stop? We're not going to actually stop at a motel, are we? -Unless you two wiseacres wanna be introduced to the joys of hitchhiking, what say we drop this? The truth hurts. -Why do you want to stop? I'm exhausted. -I'm exhausted. Lie in the back, Dad, I'll drive us into Mexico. -What's this guy's problem? I have no idea. -What are you gonna do? I'm gonna try and get us across the border. -I'm gonna try and get us across the border. No, dad, you gotta tell 'em that they're back there. -Have you forgotten about your sister? They're gonna kill us. They get us across the border, they're gonna take us out in the desert and shoot us. -They're gonna kill us. They get us across the border, they're gonna take us out in the desert and shoot us. If they get over the border, they're gonna let us go. -If they get over the border, they're gonna let us go. Dad, I watch those reality shows. They never let anybody go. Any cop will tell you, in a situation like this, you get a chance, you go for it. This is our chance. -Dad, I watch those reality shows. They never let anybody go. Any cop will tell you, in a situation like this, you get a chance, you go for it. This is our chance. What about Kate? -What about Kate? They're gonna kill her anyway. At least now with all these cops we've got a fighting chance. -They're gonna kill her anyway. At least now with all these cops we've got a fighting chance. Son, I have this situation under control. I know exactly what I'm doing. You're going to have to trust me on this. -Son, I have this situation under control. I know exactly what I'm doing. You're going to have to trust me on this. If trusting you means trusting those fuckin' killers, I can't do that. If you don't tell the cops, I will. -Now, you listen to me. You ain't gonna do a goddamn fucking thing, you hear me! Nobody cares what you think, I'm running this show, I make the decisions. He's running the show. -He's running the show. "I'm running the show. I make the plays, and you back the plays I make. Stop thinking with your fucking balls. Kate in a room with a couple of desperate men with nothing to fucking lose ain't the time to ""go for it."" I need your cover. Cover my ass." -You don't believe in suicide. It's not suicide if you're already dead. Two... -It's not suicide if you're already dead. Two... Okay, I'll kill you when you change, I swear to God in Jesus Christ's name. -Okay, I'll kill you when you change, I swear to God in Jesus Christ's name. Thank you, son. -Why did they block the door again? To keep the daylight out! This is where they sleep! Get to the door! -What's your name? Jacob. -Jacob. Okay, Jacob, get up and sit your ass down on the bed. Make a wrong move and I'll shoot you in the face. -What's the story with you two? You a couple of fags? He's my son. -He's my son. How does that happen? You don't look Japanese. -How does that happen? You don't look Japanese. Neither does he. He looks Vietnamese. -Neither does he. He looks Vietnamese. Oh, well, excuse me all to hell. -Oh, well, excuse me all to hell. What's this about, money? -What's this about, money? It's about money, all right, but not yours. You see, me and my brother here are in a little hot water and we need your assistance. -It's okay, honey. Everything's going to be all right. Just listen to daddy, sugar, and don't do nothin' stupid. You two, Simon says sit the fuck down! -Where are the keys to the motor home? On the dresser. -On the dresser. Richie, take the keys. Start that big bastard up, and drive it up front. -Not a chance. Come again? -Come again? If you're taking people, take me. But my kids aren't going anywhere with you. -If you're taking people, take me. But my kids aren't going anywhere with you. Sorry, I need everybody. -Sorry, I need everybody. My children are not going with you, and that's that. -My children are not going with you, and that's that. That's not fuckin' that... this is fuckin' this. Go sit over there. -Yes. Good. Your old man's all right, he just saved your life. -Jacob Fuller. Jacob, that's biblical, ain't it? What am I askin' for, of course it is. What are their names? Scott and Kate. -Who's this? My wife. -My wife. Where is the little lady? -Where is the little lady? In heaven. -In heaven. She's dead? -She's dead? Yes, she is. -Yes, she is. How'd she die? -How'd she die? Auto wreck. -Auto wreck. Come on, gimme some more details. How'd it happen? Some fuckin' drunk kill her? -Come on, gimme some more details. How'd it happen? Some fuckin' drunk kill her? No. It was a rainy night, the brakes on the car weren't great. She had to stop suddenly. She slid on the road, she crashed, she died. -No. It was a rainy night, the brakes on the car weren't great. She had to stop suddenly. She slid on the road, she crashed, she died. Died instantly? -Died instantly? Not quite. She was trapped in the wreck for about six hours before she passed on. -Not quite. She was trapped in the wreck for about six hours before she passed on. Whewww! Those acts of God really stick it in and break it off, don't they? -Whewww! Those acts of God really stick it in and break it off, don't they? Yes, they do. -Is this real? Yes. -Yes. I've seen one of these before. A friend of mine had himself declared a minister of his own religion. Away to fuck the IRS. Is that what you're doing, or are you the real McCoy? -I've seen one of these before. A friend of mine had himself declared a minister of his own religion. Away to fuck the IRS. Is that what you're doing, or are you the real McCoy? Real McCoy. -Real McCoy. You're a preacher? -You're a preacher? I was a minister. -I was a minister. Was? As in not anymore? -Was? As in not anymore? Yes. -Yes. Why'd ya quit? -Why'd ya quit? I think I've gotten about as up close and personal with you as I'm gonna get. Now if you need me like I think you need me, you're not gonna kill me 'cause I won't answer your stupid, prying questions. So, with all due respect, mind your own business. -I think I've gotten about as up close and personal with you as I'm gonna get. Now if you need me like I think you need me, you're not gonna kill me 'cause I won't answer your stupid, prying questions. So, with all due respect, mind your own business. I seem to have touched a nerve. Don't be so sensitive, Pops, let's keep this friendly. But you're right, enough with the getting to know you shit. Now, there's two ways we can play this hand. One way is me and you go round an' round all fuckin' night. The other way, is we reach some sort of an understanding. Now, if we go down that first path at the end of the day, I'll win. But we go down the second, we'll both win. Now, I don't give a rat's ass about you or your fuckin' family. Y'all can live forever or die this second and I don't care which. The only things I do care about are me that son-of-a-bitch in the back, and our money. And right now I need to get those three things into Mexico. Now, stop me if I'm wrong, but I take it you don't give a shit about seeing me and my brother receiving justice, or the bank getting its money back. Right now all you care about is the safety of your daughter, your son and possibly yourself. Am I correct? -I seem to have touched a nerve. Don't be so sensitive, Pops, let's keep this friendly. But you're right, enough with the getting to know you shit. Now, there's two ways we can play this hand. One way is me and you go round an' round all fuckin' night. The other way, is we reach some sort of an understanding. Now, if we go down that first path at the end of the day, I'll win. But we go down the second, we'll both win. Now, I don't give a rat's ass about you or your fuckin' family. Y'all can live forever or die this second and I don't care which. The only things I do care about are me that son-of-a-bitch in the back, and our money. And right now I need to get those three things into Mexico. Now, stop me if I'm wrong, but I take it you don't give a shit about seeing me and my brother receiving justice, or the bank getting its money back. Right now all you care about is the safety of your daughter, your son and possibly yourself. Am I correct? Yes. -Yes. I thought so. You help us get across the border without incident, stay with us the rest of the night without trying anything funny, and in the morning we'll let you and your family go. That way everybody gets what they want. You and your kids get out of this alive and we get into Mexico. Everybody's happy. -I thought so. You help us get across the border without incident, stay with us the rest of the night without trying anything funny, and in the morning we'll let you and your family go. That way everybody gets what they want. You and your kids get out of this alive and we get into Mexico. Everybody's happy. How do I know you'll keep your word? -How do I know you'll keep your word? Jesus Christ, Pops, don't start with this shit. -Jesus Christ, Pops, don't start with this shit. You want me to sit here and be passive. The only way being passive in this situation makes sense is if I believe you'll let us go. I'm not there yet. You have to convince me you're telling the truth. -You want me to sit here and be passive. The only way being passive in this situation makes sense is if I believe you'll let us go. I'm not there yet. You have to convince me you're telling the truth. Look, dickhead, the only thing you need to be convinced about is that you're stuck in a situation with a coupla real mean motor scooters. I don't wanna hafta worry about you all fuckin' night. And I don't think you wanna be worrying about my brother's intentions toward your daughter all night. You notice the way he looked at her, didn't ya? -Look, dickhead, the only thing you need to be convinced about is that you're stuck in a situation with a coupla real mean motor scooters. I don't wanna hafta worry about you all fuckin' night. And I don't think you wanna be worrying about my brother's intentions toward your daughter all night. You notice the way he looked at her, didn't ya? Yes. -Yes. Didn't like it, did ya? -Didn't like it, did ya? No, I didn't. -No, I didn't. Didn't think so. So, as I was saying, I'm willing to make a deal. You behave, get us into Mexico, and don't try to escape. I'll keep my brother off your daughter and let you all loose in the morning. -Didn't think so. So, as I was saying, I'm willing to make a deal. You behave, get us into Mexico, and don't try to escape. I'll keep my brother off your daughter and let you all loose in the morning. You won't let him touch her? -You won't let him touch her? I can handle Richie, don't worry. -If he touches her, I'll kill him. I don't give a fuck how many guns you have, nothing will stop me from killing him. Fair enough. You break your word, I'll kill all of you. Kate, honey! -Swear to God, on the Bible, you won't try to escape and you'll get us across the border. I swear to God I won't try to escape and I'll do my best to get you into Mexico. -I swear to God I won't try to escape and I'll do my best to get you into Mexico. You best better get it done, Pops. -I'm telling you, don't hurt her. As long as you're cool, she'll be cool. What're ya gonna say? -As long as you're cool, she'll be cool. What're ya gonna say? I don't have the slightest idea. -I don't have the slightest idea. Well, you just keep thinkin' of that gun next to Kate's temple. -We did our part, we gotcha in Mexico. Now it's time for your part, letting us go. Pops, when you're right, you're right, and you are right. -Then? Then stop, 'cause that's where we're going. -Out of the stew pot and into the fire. Shit, I been to bars make this place look like a fuckin' 4-H club. -Who else? Pass. -Pass. Why not, against your religion? -Why not, against your religion? No, I do drink, I'm just not drinking now. -No, I do drink, I'm just not drinking now. Suit yourself, more for me. Scotty? -Why are you so agitated? I'm still stewing about that ape laying hands on me. And that fuckin' bartender sticks a weed up my ass, too. -I'm still stewing about that ape laying hands on me. And that fuckin' bartender sticks a weed up my ass, too. He backed down. -He backed down. "He's smilin' at us. But behind his smile, he's sayin', ""Fuck you Jack."" I hear that loud and clear." -"He's smilin' at us. But behind his smile, he's sayin', ""Fuck you Jack."" I hear that loud and clear." What are you going to do? -What are you going to do? I'm gonna just sit here and drain this bottle. And when I've drunk the last drop, if I still feel then, the way I feel now, I'm gonna take this bottle and break it over his melon head. -I'm gonna just sit here and drain this bottle. And when I've drunk the last drop, if I still feel then, the way I feel now, I'm gonna take this bottle and break it over his melon head. Before we stepped in here, you told all of us to be cool. That means you, too. -Before we stepped in here, you told all of us to be cool. That means you, too. I never said do what I do, I said do what I say. -I never said do what I do, I said do what I say. Are you so much a fucking loser, you can't tell when you've won? -What did you call me? Nothing. I didn't make a statement. I asked a question. Would you like me to ask it again? Very well. Are you such a loser you can't tell when you've won? The entire state of Texas, along with the FBI, is looking for you. Did they find you? No. They couldn't. They had every entrance to the border covered. There's no way you could get across. Did you? Yes, you did. You've won, Seth, enjoy it. -To your family. To yours. -Now, is your shit together? Forever together. -Okay, does anybody here know what's going on? "Yeah, I know what's going on. We got a bunch of fuckin' vampires outside trying to get inside and suck our fuckin' blood! That's it, plain and simple. And I don't wanna hear any bullshit about ""I don't believe in vampires"" because I don't fuckin' believe in vampires either. But I do believe in my own two fuckin' eyes, and with my two eyes I saw fuckin' vampires! Now, does everybody agree we're dealin' with vampires." -You too, preacher? I'm like you. I don't believe in vampires, but I believe in what I saw. -I'm like you. I don't believe in vampires, but I believe in what I saw. Good for you. Now, since we all believe we're dealing with vampires, what do we know about vampires? Crosses hurt vampires. Do you have a cross? -Good for you. Now, since we all believe we're dealing with vampires, what do we know about vampires? Crosses hurt vampires. Do you have a cross? In the Winnebago. -In the Winnebago. In other words, no. -I don't know about that. In order for it to have any power, I think it's gotta be an official crucifix. What's an official cross? Some piece of tin made in Taiwan? What makes that official? If a cross works against vampires, it's not the cross itself, it's what the cross represents. The cross is a symbol of holiness. -What's an official cross? Some piece of tin made in Taiwan? What makes that official? If a cross works against vampires, it's not the cross itself, it's what the cross represents. The cross is a symbol of holiness. Okay, I'll buy that. So we got crosses covered, moving right along, what else? -Did he...? Yep. -You all are gonna fuckin' die! I'm gonna fuckin' kill every last one of you godless pieces of shit! You bet your sweet ass you are, and I'm gonna help you do it. But we ain't got much time. -What's this stuff? My guess is that this little dive's been feeding on nomad road waifs like bikers and truckers for a longtime. This is probably some of the shipments they stole off the trucks. -My guess is that this little dive's been feeding on nomad road waifs like bikers and truckers for a longtime. This is probably some of the shipments they stole off the trucks. Well, I say lets tear this place apart for weapons. So when they burst through that door, we'll make 'em wish they never did. -Well, I say lets tear this place apart for weapons. So when they burst through that door, we'll make 'em wish they never did. I don't give a shit about living or dying anymore. I just want to send as many of these devils back to hell as I can. -I don't give a shit about living or dying anymore. I just want to send as many of these devils back to hell as I can. Amen. -I promise. Kate, Scott? -It's the bitterest of pills. You two ought to start a stand-up act, because you're just wasting your humor on me. -You two ought to start a stand-up act, because you're just wasting your humor on me. Ain't it the truth. -I just bet you would. Don't even think about it. Besides, I want to have one night's sleep in an honest- to-goodness bed. The beds in the home are okay, but they're not like a real bed. Hey, if we go to a motel, we can swim. -Dad, when I called the machine to check our messages there was one from Bethel Baptist. Mr. Franklin said he wouldn't permanently replace you until we came back. He said when we come home, if you still feel the same way -- That's very nice of Ted, but I'll call him tomorrow and tell him not to bother waiting. -That's very nice of Ted, but I'll call him tomorrow and tell him not to bother waiting. I didn't want to talk about this in front of Scott because he gets upset. But you don't believe in God anymore? -I didn't want to talk about this in front of Scott because he gets upset. But you don't believe in God anymore? Not enough to be a pastor. Look, I know this is hard on you kids. After Jenny's death, this is probably the last thing you need. But I can't do it any longer. My congregation needs spiritual leadership. Well, they can't get that from me anymore. My faith is gone. To answer your question, yes, I do believe in Jesus. But do I love them? No. After Jenny died, I just thought, what's the point? -Not enough to be a pastor. Look, I know this is hard on you kids. After Jenny's death, this is probably the last thing you need. But I can't do it any longer. My congregation needs spiritual leadership. Well, they can't get that from me anymore. My faith is gone. To answer your question, yes, I do believe in Jesus. But do I love them? No. After Jenny died, I just thought, what's the point? It's just, all our lives you've been a pastor. For twenty years you've preached trust in the lord. And then one day you wake up and say fuck him? -It's just, all our lives you've been a pastor. For twenty years you've preached trust in the lord. And then one day you wake up and say fuck him? I didn't say fuck him. I'm just not connected anymore. -I didn't say fuck him. I'm just not connected anymore. That happens, you'll get it back. -That happens, you'll get it back. Kate, give your old man a little credit. Every person who chooses the service of God as their life's work has something in common. I don't care if you're a preacher, a priest, a nun, a rabbi or a Buddhist monk. Many, many times during your life you'll look at your reflection in the mirror and ask yourself, am I a fool? We've all done it. I'm not going through a lapse. What I've experienced is closer to awakening. I'm not trying to shake your faith. I've just decided not to devote my life to God anymore. -Kate, give your old man a little credit. Every person who chooses the service of God as their life's work has something in common. I don't care if you're a preacher, a priest, a nun, a rabbi or a Buddhist monk. Many, many times during your life you'll look at your reflection in the mirror and ask yourself, am I a fool? We've all done it. I'm not going through a lapse. What I've experienced is closer to awakening. I'm not trying to shake your faith. I've just decided not to devote my life to God anymore. What do you think Mom would say? -What do you think Mom would say? Mom's got nothing to say, she's dead. -There's nothing wrong with this place. It's a flop house. -It's a flop house. It's not a flop house. It's basic and simple. That doesn't make it a flop house. -It's not a flop house. It's basic and simple. That doesn't make it a flop house. If it doesn't have a pool, we're looking for a new place. -It has a bed. That's all I care about. Other places have beds, they also have cable TV, a gym, room service... -About two hours from now. So all we have to do is get by for a few more hours and then we can walk right out the front door. -You're gonna be okay, aren't you, daddy? No, I'm not. I've been bit. In effect, I'm already dead. -I promise. Scott? -Kate, we don't have all day, so I'm only gonna count to five. One...two... three... four... Okay, okay, I promise I'll do it! -Okay, okay, I promise I'll do it! Not good enough, swear to God. -Not good enough, swear to God. I swear to God, our father, that when you change into one of the undead, I will kill you. -I swear to God, our father, that when you change into one of the undead, I will kill you. Good girl. Now, Scott, we have even less time, so I'm only giving you the count of three. One... -I'm going for 'em! No! -No! Everybody goes home! -What's going on? We're having a wet bikini contest, and you just won. -Richie, will you do me a favor and eat my pussy? Sure. -What? Where are you taking us? -Where are you taking us? Mexico. -Mexico. What's in Mexico? -What's in Mexico? Mexicans. -What? In the room. Were you serious, or were you just foolin' around? I'm just bringing it up, 'cause if you really want me to do that for you, I will. -In the room. Were you serious, or were you just foolin' around? I'm just bringing it up, 'cause if you really want me to do that for you, I will. Do what? -Do what? What you said to me in the room. -What you said to me in the room. What did I say? -What did I say? You asked me if I would -- -Creepy guy. The Sword of Damocles is lifted from above Seth's head. He's just solved a problem that a mere thirty seconds ago seemed unsolvable. He knows exactly how he's going to cross the border. Whistling a happy tune, he turns and walks back into room #9. -You got three minutes. One second longer, I shoot your father in the face. Do you understand what I just said? Yes. -Yes. Do you believe me? -Do you believe me? Yes. -Yes. You damn well better. Go. -Yeah. You must have a bible in here, don't cha? -You must have a bible in here, don't cha? Yeah, we got a bible. -Yeah, we got a bible. Get it and bring it up here, will ya, please? -You're gonna let us go? "In the morning, darlin', in the morning, we are G-O-N-E and you are F-R-E-E. Now, I know I put you guys through hell, and I know I've been one rough pecker, but from here on end you guys are in my cool book. Scotty, help me pick Richie up, and lay him down. Jacob, keep going on this road till you get to a sign that says, ""Digayo."" When you get to Digayo, turn this big bastard left, go on down for a few miles, then you see a bar called ""The Titty Twister."" From what I hear, you can't miss it." -How about you, cutie pie? Ready for round two? Okay. -Are you okay? Peachy! Why shouldn't I be? The world's my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory. -Peachy! Why shouldn't I be? The world's my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory. I'm really sorry. -I'm really sorry. Bullshit! You hate us. If you had half a chance you'd feed us to them! -We have to go back for Daddy! Daddy's dead. -Daddy's dead. Noooo! -Watch my back! Anytime. -How many bullets left, kid? Not many. -Not many. Well, when you run out of weapons, just start cold cocking 'em. Make 'em sing for their supper. -Should I use the last bullets on us? You use 'em on the first couple of these parasites that try to bite you. -I'm sorry. Me too. -See ya. Later. -Why, just look at all this. You got your kitchen -- -- you got your microwave -- --- you got your microwave -- -- you got your sink -- --- you got your sink -- -- you got your shower -- --- you got your shower -- -- see this, television! --- see this, television! Feel this, real wood paneling. That's real wood, too, not that fake stuff. -For the time being we are very confident we will apprehend the fugitives in the next forty-eight hours. The Bureau, local law enforcement and the Texas Rangers have all joined forces in forming a dragnet to snare Seth and Richard Gecko. Agent Chase, does it appear that they are heading for Mexico. -Agent Chase, does it appear that they are heading for Mexico. Yes, it does, Kelly. We have already alerted the Mexican authorities. They intend to cooperate every way possible in bringing these fugitives to justice. -Yes, it does, Kelly. We have already alerted the Mexican authorities. They intend to cooperate every way possible in bringing these fugitives to justice. Are you optimistic about the safety of the hostage they took in Abilene, Gloria Hill? -Are you optimistic about the safety of the hostage they took in Abilene, Gloria Hill? We've received no news one way or the other. We can only hope for the best. -We've received no news one way or the other. We can only hope for the best. What about the report from an eyewitness at the liquor store who said one of the brothers was shot? -What about the report from an eyewitness at the liquor store who said one of the brothers was shot? This can't be confirmed at this time, but we do believe it to be true. We have reason to believe it was the youngest brother Richard, and he was shot in the vicinity of his neck and shoulders by the store's clerk. -This can't be confirmed at this time, but we do believe it to be true. We have reason to believe it was the youngest brother Richard, and he was shot in the vicinity of his neck and shoulders by the store's clerk. Is it safe to assume that because the death count involved and the loss of life of law enforcement officers, that the Bureau, the Rangers and the police force are taking this manhunt personally? -Is it safe to assume that because the death count involved and the loss of life of law enforcement officers, that the Bureau, the Rangers and the police force are taking this manhunt personally? I would say that's a very safe assumption. -Hot goddamn day! Haven't felt it a bit. Been inside with the air conditioner blastin' all day long. -Haven't felt it a bit. Been inside with the air conditioner blastin' all day long. Not even for lunch? -Not even for lunch? I'm by myself today, ate my lunch outta the microwave. -Jesus Christ man, that microwave food will kill ya as quick as a bullet. Those burritos are only fit for a hippie high on weed. Pull me down a bottle of Jack Daniels. I'm gettin' tanked tonight. Whatsamatter? -Whatsamatter? Awww, it's just been a shitass day. Every inch of it hot and miserable. First off, Nadine at the Blue Chip got some sorta sick, so that Mongoloid boy of hers was workin' the grill. That fuckin' idiot don't know rat shit from Rice Krispies. I ate breakfast at nine, was pukin' up pigs in a blanket like a sick dog by ten thirty. -Awww, it's just been a shitass day. Every inch of it hot and miserable. First off, Nadine at the Blue Chip got some sorta sick, so that Mongoloid boy of hers was workin' the grill. That fuckin' idiot don't know rat shit from Rice Krispies. I ate breakfast at nine, was pukin' up pigs in a blanket like a sick dog by ten thirty. Isn't there a law or something against retards serving food to the public? -Isn't there a law or something against retards serving food to the public? Well, if there ain't there sure oughta be. Who knows what goes on inside Mongoloid's mind? -Well, if there ain't there sure oughta be. Who knows what goes on inside Mongoloid's mind? You could sue the shit out of her, ya know. That kid belongs under a circus tent, not flippin' burgers. You could own that fuckin' place. -You could sue the shit out of her, ya know. That kid belongs under a circus tent, not flippin' burgers. You could own that fuckin' place. What the hell would I do with that grease pit? Besides, Nadine's got enough of a cross to bear just taking care of that potato head. Then all this Abilene shit happened. You heard about that bank robbery in Abilene, didn't ya? -What the hell would I do with that grease pit? Besides, Nadine's got enough of a cross to bear just taking care of that potato head. Then all this Abilene shit happened. You heard about that bank robbery in Abilene, didn't ya? That's all that's been on the box all day. They killed some people didn't they? -That's all that's been on the box all day. They killed some people didn't they? Four Rangers, three cops, and two civilians. And they took a lady bank teller as a hostage. -They'll probably make a run for the border, which would bring 'em this way. And if we get our hands on those shit asses, we're talking payback time. We'll get 'em all right. I gotta piss. I'm gonna use your commode. Knock yourself out. -Yeah, and I'm gonna be right back at it tomorrow. So tonight I'm gonna sit in front of the box and just drink booze. How much is the bottle? Six-fifty. -What do you want from me? I did what you said. Letting him use your toilet? No store does that. -Letting him use your toilet? No store does that. He comes in here every day and we bullshit. He's used my toilet a thousand times. If I told him no, he'd know something was up. -He comes in here every day and we bullshit. He's used my toilet a thousand times. If I told him no, he'd know something was up. "I want that son-of-a-bitch out outta here, in his car, and down the road or you can change the name of this place to ""Benny's World of Blood.""" -Were you giving that pig signals? What? Are you kidding? I didn't do anything! -He says you were scratching. I wasn't scratching! -I wasn't scratching! You callin' him a liar? -I never said help us! Well that don't matter now, 'cause you got about two fuckin' seconds to live! Richie! -Whiskey! You can't come in here. -You can't come in here. What dya mean? -What dya mean? This is a private club. You're not welcome. -This is a private club. You're not welcome. Are you tellin' me I'm not good enough to drink here? -Are you tellin' me I'm not good enough to drink here? This bar is for bikers and truckers only. You, get out! -Best in Mexico. I kinda doubt that. We're grabbin' a table, send over a waitress to take our order. -What the fuck was that about? He signaled the Ranger. -What the fuck is wrong with you -- Seth, he did it. You were by the beer cooler with your back turned. I was by the magazines, I could see his face. And I saw him mouth: -Start the car. You believe me don't cha? -You believe me don't cha? Shut up and start the car. -Richie? You okay? "I'm not dead, but I'm definitely shot! I told you that bastard said, ""Help us!""" -Yeah? When I count three, shoot out the bottles behind him! -When I count three, shoot out the bottles behind him! Gotcha! -Gotcha! One... Two... Three. -What did I tell you? What did I tell you? Buy the road map and leave. What am I supposed to do, Seth? He recognized us. -What am I supposed to do, Seth? He recognized us. He didn't recognize shit. -Do they have cable? No. -No. Do they have an X-rated channel? -Do they have an X-rated channel? No. -No. Do they have a waterbed? -Do they have a waterbed? They don't have anything except four walls and a roof, and that's all we need. -How's it feel? How ya think, it hurts like a son-of- a-bitch. -I got both rooms on either side of us, so we don't gotta worry about eavesdropping assholes. How's that feel? You okay? Feels good. -Feels good. I'm gonna go get the money. -Hey, when you talk to him, see if you can arrange a better deal than thirty percent. That's their standard deal, brother. They ain't about to change it for us. -That's their standard deal, brother. They ain't about to change it for us. Did you even to try to negotiate? -Did you even to try to negotiate? "These guys ain't spic firecracker salesman from Tijuana. They don't even know the meaning of the word ""barter"". You wanna stay in El Ray? You give them thirty percent of your loot. It's scripture. So it is written, so shall it be done. You want sanctuary, you pay the price, and the price is thirty percent." -"These guys ain't spic firecracker salesman from Tijuana. They don't even know the meaning of the word ""barter"". You wanna stay in El Ray? You give them thirty percent of your loot. It's scripture. So it is written, so shall it be done. You want sanctuary, you pay the price, and the price is thirty percent." All I'm saying -- -All I'm saying -- -- This conversation is over. -Shit, I started to get worried. Where the fuck ya been? Sight seein'. -Sight seein'. What'd ya see? -What'd ya see? Cops. -Cops. Didya look at the border? -Yeah, I saw the border. Through binoculars from on top of a high building. That's about as close as I risked getting. What's the TV say? They're going to apprehend us in forty-eight hours. -I gotta figure a way to get across that goddamn border. Longer we fuck around El Paso our lives ain't worth a shit. Look, fuck the border. Let's just dig in and wait for things to cool down. -Look, fuck the border. Let's just dig in and wait for things to cool down. Richie, it's gonna get a lot fuckin' worse before it gets any fuckin' better. We showed our ass in Texas. We killed Texas fuckin' Rangers. They ain't gonna stop lookin' till they find us, and when they find us, they're gonna kill us. Texans take it very personal when ya kill their law enforcement officers. The El Paso police have already started a motel and hotel search for us. -Richie, it's gonna get a lot fuckin' worse before it gets any fuckin' better. We showed our ass in Texas. We killed Texas fuckin' Rangers. They ain't gonna stop lookin' till they find us, and when they find us, they're gonna kill us. Texans take it very personal when ya kill their law enforcement officers. The El Paso police have already started a motel and hotel search for us. How do you know? -How do you know? I heard it on the radio. We gotta get our asses into Mexico tonight. Carlos is gonna meet us tomorrow morning at a rendezvous on the other side, then Carlos and his boys will escort us to El Ray and -- -Where's the woman? What? -What'd ya mean, what? The fuckin' woman, the hostage. Where the fuck is she, Richard!? She's in the other room. -She's in the other room. What the fuck is she doin' there?! -Yeah, explain it to me. I need an explanation. What's the matter with you? There's nothing wrong with me, brother. That woman tried to escape and I did what I had to do. -There's nothing wrong with me, brother. That woman tried to escape and I did what I had to do. No. That woman wouldn't of said shit if she had a mouthful. -No. That woman wouldn't of said shit if she had a mouthful. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! Once you left, she became a whole different person. -Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! Once you left, she became a whole different person. Is it me? Is it my fault? -Is it me? Is it my fault? It's not your fault, it's her fault! -Is this my fault? Do you think this is what I am? What? -What? This is not me! I am a professional fucking thief. I steal money. You try to stop me, god help you. But I don't kill people I don't have to, and I don't rape women. What you doin' ain't how it's done. Do you understand? -This is not me! I am a professional fucking thief. I steal money. You try to stop me, god help you. But I don't kill people I don't have to, and I don't rape women. What you doin' ain't how it's done. Do you understand? Seth, if you were me -- -Seth, if you were me -- Just say yes! Nothing else, just say yes. -Just say yes! Nothing else, just say yes. Yes. -Yes. Yes, Seth, I understand. -Yes, Seth, I understand. Yes, Seth, I understand. -Richard! What? -This isn't gonna work. Shut up. It's gonna work just fine, -Shut up. It's gonna work just fine, I just want to go on record as saying this is a bad idea. -I just want to go on record as saying this is a bad idea. Duly noted. Now, shut up. -They're gonna search the van. As long as you don't act like a fuckin' nut, we'll be just fine. -As long as you don't act like a fuckin' nut, we'll be just fine. What does that mean? -What does that mean? What? -You just called me a fuckin' nut. No, I didn't. -No, I didn't. Yes, you did. You said as long as I don't act like a fuckin' nut, implying that I've been acting like a fuckin' nut. -Yes, you did. You said as long as I don't act like a fuckin' nut, implying that I've been acting like a fuckin' nut. Take a pill, kid. I just meant stay cool. -Take a pill, kid. I just meant stay cool. You meant that, but you meant the other, too. -This ain't the time, Richard. Fuck those spic pigs! You called me a fuckin' nut, and where I come from, that stops the train on its tracks. -Fuck those spic pigs! You called me a fuckin' nut, and where I come from, that stops the train on its tracks. Keep your voice down. -Keep your voice down. Or what? -I'm curious. What was the nuttiest thing I did? This ain't the time. -This ain't the time. Oh, I know, was it possibly when your ass was rotting in jail and I broke it out? Yeah, you're right, that was pretty fuckin' nutty. Not to mention stupid. But you know what? I can fix that right now. -You okay? Yeah, I think so. What happened? -Yeah, I think so. What happened? I don't know, you just passed out. -I don't know, you just passed out. I did? -I did? Yeah, we were just standing there. You said something about your shoulder hurting, then you just hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. -Yeah, we were just standing there. You said something about your shoulder hurting, then you just hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. Really? -Really? Yeah, when you fell your head smacked the toilet hard. It scared the shit outta me. Sure you're okay? -Yeah, when you fell your head smacked the toilet hard. It scared the shit outta me. Sure you're okay? Yeah, I guess. I'm just a little fucked up. -Yeah, I guess. I'm just a little fucked up. Well, let me tell ya something, gonna clear your head right up. We are officially Mexicans. -Well, let me tell ya something, gonna clear your head right up. We are officially Mexicans. What? -What? "We are... ""South of the border down Mexico way.""" -"We are... ""South of the border down Mexico way.""" We are? -We are? Yep. We're heading for the rendezvous right now. We get there, we pound booze till Carlos shows up, he escorts us to El Ray. And then me and you, brother, kick fuckin' back. How ya like them apples? -Far out. Where are my glasses? They broke when you fell. -They broke when you fell. Oh, fuck, Seth, that's my only pair! -Oh, fuck, Seth, that's my only pair! Don't worry about it, we'll get you some glasses. -Don't worry about it, we'll get you some glasses. What dya mean, don't worry about it. Of course I'm gonna worry about it, I can't fuckin' see. -What dya mean, don't worry about it. Of course I'm gonna worry about it, I can't fuckin' see. When we get to El Ray, I'll take care of it. -When we get to El Ray, I'll take care of it. Yeah, like a Mexican hole-in-the- wall's gonna have my fuckin' prescription. -Yeah, like a Mexican hole-in-the- wall's gonna have my fuckin' prescription. It's not a big deal, unless you make it a big deal. Now, I'm real happy, Richie, stop bringing me down with bullshit. -That's what you think? That's how you're lookin', Richie. -That's how you're lookin', Richie. I'm lookin' scared? -I'm lookin' scared? That's what you look like. -That's what you look like. You know what you look like? -You know what you look like? No, Richie, what do I look like? -No, Richie, what do I look like? You're lookin' green. -How? Where are you right now? -Where are you right now? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Where are you? -Where are you? I'm here with you. -I'm here with you. No, you're not. You're sippin' margaritas in El Ray. But we're not in El Ray. We're here -- getting ready to go in there. You're so pleased with yourself about getting into Mexico, you think the job's down. It ain't. Get back on the clock. That's a fuck-with-you-bar. We hang around there for a coupla hours, in all likelihood, we'll get fucked with. So get your shit together, brother. -No, you're not. You're sippin' margaritas in El Ray. But we're not in El Ray. We're here -- getting ready to go in there. You're so pleased with yourself about getting into Mexico, you think the job's down. It ain't. Get back on the clock. That's a fuck-with-you-bar. We hang around there for a coupla hours, in all likelihood, we'll get fucked with. So get your shit together, brother. My shit is together. -My shit is together. It don't look together. -It don't look together. Well, it is. Just because I'm happy doesn't mean I'm on vacation. You're just not used to seein' me happy, 'cause it's been about fifteen fuckin' years since I been happy. But my shit is forever together. -Earth to Richie. Don't you wanna ask your new friend to join us? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, then ask her, dumb ass. -Well, then ask her, dumb ass. Por favor, Senorita. Would you care to join us? -How are you? Scarred for life, that's how I am! -How 'bout you? You are safer in here with us than wandering around a Mexican border town all night long. Just don't do nothin' stupid and we'll all get along fine. Scotty, you sure you don't want a drink? Okay, I'll have one. -In that camper out there I saw a guitar. I take it that's yours. Yeah, it's mine. -Yeah, it's mine. Go out and bring it in. I feel a song coming on. -You could take their head off. Actually, our best weapon against these satanic cocksuckers is this man. He's a preacher. -He's right, Kate. Daddy's dead! He was too far away. If flinging that door and filling this room with those bat-things would save him, I'd fling it. The only thing it'll do is turn us into one of them. He needs our help! -He needs our help! He's beyond our help. You saw him get bit. I saw him get bit. We all saw it. You can't help him. I've got no one left to lose but you. I can't be alone again. We're sticking together. -B.O.Q., south side. Take a starboard tack out the door. Thank you, ensign. -Thank you, ensign. No problem, lieutenant. -They take you away to San Clemente Island. Half the guys quit when they come back. Supposed to be just hell-and-a-half. That's what I hear. -That's what I hear. Can I ask you somethin', lieutenant? How come you're doing this? I mean, we're kinda curious. -Can I ask you somethin', lieutenant? How come you're doing this? I mean, we're kinda curious. "Who's ""we""?" -"Who's ""we""?" Just some of the women. -"I don't know if there's any single reason. But my father was Navy. And he had this old-time recruiting poster in his den. It showed a girl trying on a sailor's uniform while saying, ""Gee, I wish I were a man! I'd join the Navy!"" Was maybe 10 years old when I first saw it, and even then it felt wrong. Made me mad. And I don't think a month has gone by that I haven't thought about that poster. ""Gee, I wish I were a man.""" I've been accused of that wish. -I've been accused of that wish. The woman I saw you with... -The woman I saw you with... Just a friend. We have friends, too, you know. -Just a friend. We have friends, too, you know. But are there... I mean, how many... -But are there... I mean, how many... More than you'd guess. It's just that we don't hold coffee klatches. If more then three of us get together at any one time, the guys think it's some kind of uprising. -Administration, Ensign Blondell. Don't say my name. -Don't say my name. Who's... Lieuten -- -Who's... Lieuten -- Or rank. But can you do me a favor and pull a transfer order? -Or rank. But can you do me a favor and pull a transfer order? Okay, but... You didn't have to do what you did. Not for me. -Okay, but... You didn't have to do what you did. Not for me. """Wickwire, Thomas Dane."" See what you can find." -Got it. "Who signed as his ""sponsoring officer""?" -"Who signed as his ""sponsoring officer""?" "Uh... don't see it. There's no signature. But hang on -- there's a note to ""See Addendum."" Checking..." -Wow... What'd you find, Kathy? -Commander, are you of the habit of letting photographers traipse around your base snappin' their fill? These were supposed to have been discreet test cases -- Senator, they stand out on the public highway with telephoto lenses -- -Senator, they stand out on the public highway with telephoto lenses -- "-- and now I got reporters from Toadsquat, Iowa, calling my office and askin' what I know about this ""G.I. Jane"" thing." -"-- and now I got reporters from Toadsquat, Iowa, calling my office and askin' what I know about this ""G.I. Jane"" thing." -- nothing I can do about it unless you're suggesting I infringe on their civil liberties -- which I'd happily do if you'll just trim a little fat off the Constitution. --- nothing I can do about it unless you're suggesting I infringe on their civil liberties -- which I'd happily do if you'll just trim a little fat off the Constitution. Are you truly mouthin' off to a senior member of the Senate Arms Committee? I mean, I'll give you points for style -- just nothin' for smarts. -"Well, seein's how this thing is out, you let me handle the r.p.m. From this point forward, I want all press matters coordinated via my office. I'll be god-damned if I'm gonna watch Hayes pull flowers out of his ass and take credit for this one. Him or the President. This my shade? ""Midnight Mahogany""? 'Cuz I'm comin' dangerously close to lookin' like Ronald Reagan here." Your prerogative, Senator. -Your prerogative, Senator. Awright. How's our girl doin', anyway? -Awright. How's our girl doin', anyway? Standing right here in my office. -Standing right here in my office. Jordan, dear. How are they treating you? -Uh, V.I.P. security arrangements generally take some time, Senator. """Security""? What the hell you talkin' about? Your base isn't secure?" -"""Security""? What the hell you talkin' about? Your base isn't secure?" Of course, but there's more -- -Of course, but there's more -- Then set out the good plates, we'll all have lunch. My office will follow up with details. Jumping off, now... -Yes, of course. Please, have a seat, lieutenant... Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir. Would you care for a beverage? Tea? -Would you care for a beverage? Tea? I'm fine, sir. -I'm fine, sir. So. We're still coming to terms with the exact protocol for this -- for integrating the Spec-Recon training. It may not always be smooth, but we're trying to make it as painless as possible for you. -So. We're still coming to terms with the exact protocol for this -- for integrating the Spec-Recon training. It may not always be smooth, but we're trying to make it as painless as possible for you. Thank you, sir. But I expect a certain amount of pain. -Barber was my next stop, sir. Would've had it regulation sooner, only -- Don't worry about it. If it's off your collar and out of your eyes, that's all I'm going to ask. -Don't worry about it. If it's off your collar and out of your eyes, that's all I'm going to ask. Really, I have no problem with -- -Really, I have no problem with -- I'm not out to change your sex, lieutenant. You'll have separate beds, separate heads. If you have specific medical needs, inform the infirmary. If a classmate or superior acts in an harassing or otherwise unbecoming manner, please inform me immediately so I can deal with it immediately. Questions? -I'm not out to change your sex, lieutenant. You'll have separate beds, separate heads. If you have specific medical needs, inform the infirmary. If a classmate or superior acts in an harassing or otherwise unbecoming manner, please inform me immediately so I can deal with it immediately. Questions? None at this time, sir. -None at this time, sir. Then that's all I have to say. Dismissed. -Sir, I just want you to know... I'm not here to make a statement. I don't want to make men look foolish. All I care about is completing the training and getting operational experience -- just like everyone else, I suspect. If you were like everyone else, lieutenant, I suspect we wouldn't be making statements about not making statements, would we? Take your leave. -Pardon the hour, sir. But you told me to come to you immediately if I felt I was being mistreated in any way. Didn't take long. -All right, lieutenant, give me a name and specifics, I'll have the X.O. file an action first thing in the morning. A name? It's you, sir. And it started the day I came here. -It's you, sir. And it started the day I came here. Oh, really. -Oh, really. It's this double-standard, the separate quarters, the deferential treatment. It's how you pulled out my chair and nearly served high tea the first time we met. -It's this double-standard, the separate quarters, the deferential treatment. It's how you pulled out my chair and nearly served high tea the first time we met. Because I was civil, now you're complaining. -Because I was civil, now you're complaining. "I can't afford civility, sir. How am I supposed to fit in with these guys when you've got me set up as an outsider? Even if I make it under these rules, I still lose, because there'll always be a flag in my file -- ""Yeah, she made it, but..."" I mean, really -- why didn't you just issue me a goddamn petticoat to wear around the base?" -"I can't afford civility, sir. How am I supposed to fit in with these guys when you've got me set up as an outsider? Even if I make it under these rules, I still lose, because there'll always be a flag in my file -- ""Yeah, she made it, but..."" I mean, really -- why didn't you just issue me a goddamn petticoat to wear around the base?" Did you just have a brain-fart? -Did you just have a brain-fart? Pardon? -Pardon? Did you just barge in here and curse at your base commander? If so, I regard that as a bonafide brain- fart, and I resent it when people fart inside my home. -Did you just barge in here and curse at your base commander? If so, I regard that as a bonafide brain- fart, and I resent it when people fart inside my home. I think you've resented me from the start, sir. -What I resent, lieutenant, is some politician using my base as a test tube for her grand social experiment. What I resent is the sensitivity training that is now mandatory for my men... the day-care center I have to build where an officer's lounge used to be... and the OB/GYN I have to keep on staff just so someone can keep track of your personal pap smears. But most of all, lieutenant, I resent your perfume, however subtle it may be, competing with the aroma of my fine three-dollar-and-fifty- nine cent cigar, which I will happily put out this very instant if the phallic nature of it happens to offend your goddamn fragile sensibilities. DOES IT? No, sir. -No, sir. No, sir, WHAT? -No, sir, WHAT? The shape doesn't bother me. It's just that goddamn rotten stench. -Well. 'Least now we're talking the same language. So one standard. Is that what you're after? Same rules for everyone, sir. -Same rules for everyone, sir. Straight up? -Straight up? Across the board, sir. -Across the board, sir. And if you just happen to wash out, I won't have to contend with you bitchin' to some hairy-chested female Senator? And please note I did not identify any one in particular. -And if you just happen to wash out, I won't have to contend with you bitchin' to some hairy-chested female Senator? And please note I did not identify any one in particular. Wouldn't dream of it, sir. -Then good night. So I'll get a fair shot? -So I'll get a fair shot? You'll get everything you want, O'Neil. Let's see if you want what you're gonna get. -See me, sir? You makin' friends with the press, lieutenant? -Sir, I want you to know that I had nothing to do with any of this. Not this article, not -- """We'll all have lunch."" Good idea. Oh, and let's be sure to invite this sociologist, too -- just in case we want to have a FUCKING BRIDGE GAME AFTERWARDS!" -Permission to leave, sir? Permission to evaporate, O'Neil. -"I don't know of any delicate way to say this, lieutenant, so I won't try. Claims have been made that you have engaged in fraternization -- of the same-sex variety. Specifically, that you were... ""... seen leaving the apartment of another female officer at such a time and in such a manner as to suggest conduct unbecoming.""" Sir, if someone is suggesting that I'm a lesbian, they're wrong. -I'm saying, we're just friends. I find this as distasteful as you, lieutenant. But if it's on my desk, it's on my shoulders. There's going to be an inquiry -- it will not be quick and it will definitely not be pretty. You should prepare yourself. -I find this as distasteful as you, lieutenant. But if it's on my desk, it's on my shoulders. There's going to be an inquiry -- it will not be quick and it will definitely not be pretty. You should prepare yourself. Sir, please... if there's any way to do this without dragging everyone through the mud... -Sir, please... if there's any way to do this without dragging everyone through the mud... I don't see how, O'Neil. Dismissed. -Sir. If tomorrow... I was not under your command... would the inquiry still go forward? I'm not sure what -- -I'm not sure what -- Would you have the discretion to end it right then and there? -Well, if you had to go over my head, lieutenant, that's the way to do it. Christ, nothin' like a 0-200 call from the Commander and Chief to get the bowels movin'. Sir? What did he say? -Sir? What did he say? Basically -- he asked me if I could unring a bell. -Aw, what is this... Sir... -Ah, c'mon... Motherachrist... -Fine by me, sir! No problem, sir! -Newberry, get a photo. South? Entering my scan now... -Entering my scan now... West? -Shit. Think we're had. Smoke her. -Smoke her. I ain't gonna shoot her. -I ain't gonna shoot her. Only blanks. Lemme do it. -Only blanks. Lemme do it. Hey. Ain't your call, man. -Banditos on the east perimeter! 150 yards! Shit, she was part of it! Fuck me. -What, we're gonna pry 'em out with paddles? O'Neil. Our air's gonna crap out as soon as we get down there. You know that, don't you? -White House boys want a private meeting. I'll act surprised. -Think I overplayed it? Congress and the Pentagon share a lot of plumbing. They'll never know whose leak it is. -Yes? Did you hear? -Did you hear? She made it through S.E.R.E. training. Got a call this morning from -- -She made it through S.E.R.E. training. Got a call this morning from -- Not that. The White House just announced that it was sponsoring legislation that would, in one stroke, void all remaining elements of the 1948 Combat Exclusion Laws. -... last few years have brought many advances in the interests of women in naval service, particularly in the land-based maritime specialties. What's more, the Navy has instituted special sensitivity courses with an eye on -- "Whoa, whoa, whoa. ""Land-based maritime specialties."" Gimme a second here to de-euphemize that..." -Hardly the case, Senator. Well, I'm just an old dame without much time left, so you'll pardon me if I jump right in here before they discontinue my blood-type. I am deeply concerned over the Navy's seemingly incontrovertible attitude toward women in the military. Case in point... -"""The Lark Report.""" Madam Senator... this is an internal document of the U.S. Navy. I must seriously question whether -- -Madam Senator... this is an internal document of the U.S. Navy. I must seriously question whether -- The Navy's conclusion regarding the crash of an F-14 aboard an aircraft carrier. Female aviator, it just so happens. You're familiar with this report and its conclusion, am I right? -The Navy's conclusion regarding the crash of an F-14 aboard an aircraft carrier. Female aviator, it just so happens. You're familiar with this report and its conclusion, am I right? I was one member of the investigating commission. -I was one member of the investigating commission. "Yes, I see your signature right here -- twice the size of everyone else's. And your conclusion was ""pilot error,"" hmm?" -"Yes, I see your signature right here -- twice the size of everyone else's. And your conclusion was ""pilot error,"" hmm?" I'm really not prepared for any kind of in-depth review of -- -I'm really not prepared for any kind of in-depth review of -- I'd like to think our next Secretary of the Navy would be prepared for anything, Mr. Hayes. -The commission concluded that the aviator in question failed to execute a proper approach to the carrier. That aside for the moment, I'm struck by the tenor, the ill-spirit of your report... the degrading remarks by other aviators... innuendo about her performance in unrelated situations... even a reference to her sexual activity the weekend prior. In my seven years on this committee, I've never seen a downed aviator treated like this. Never. I'm deeply disturbed by this report, Mr. Hayes. Not just what it bodes for women in the military -- but for your own confirmation as well. -So everyone I talk to says you're top drawer with silk stockings inside. Thank you, ma'am. Um, may I ask what this is regarding? -Thank you, ma'am. Um, may I ask what this is regarding? High-school pentathlete... ROTC scholarship, graduated with honors... top marks in Basic Training... and, as it just so happens, a constituent of my home state of Virginia. Oh, the things I'll do for one extra vote. -"""Coronado.""" California. -California. I know that, sir. Ma'am. It's just that... Beggin' your pardon, Senator, but... do you understand that this involves combat training? -I know that, sir. Ma'am. It's just that... Beggin' your pardon, Senator, but... do you understand that this involves combat training? This is just a test case, O'Neil. But if it works out -- if you work out -- it could well change the Navy's official policy on women in combat. Or, actually, its official non-policy. Now who's your immediate superior there? -This is just a test case, O'Neil. But if it works out -- if you work out -- it could well change the Navy's official policy on women in combat. Or, actually, its official non-policy. Now who's your immediate superior there? Captain Dwyer. Technically. -Captain Dwyer. Technically. My office will fill him in and help expedite. Look forward to meeting you at the proper time. Jumping off now... -My office will fill him in and help expedite. Look forward to meeting you at the proper time. Jumping off now... Uh, question, ma'am. -Uh, question, ma'am. Yes, dear. -Yes, dear. Would I be the only one? The only woman? -Would I be the only one? The only woman? There'll be more to follow -- but yes, dear, right now you're the pick of a very large litter. And your success would mean a lot. Jumping, now... -Can't complain, ma'am. Hmmm. Maybe I'll ask when I see you in person. -Hmmm. Maybe I'll ask when I see you in person. Uh, ma'am. -Uh, ma'am. Gonna be visiting that all-woman's America's cup team in a few weeks -- If I were a gambler, I'd say Dennis O'Conner's days are numbered. But they're in San Diego, so I thought I'd take a quick promenade of the base. -Jordan. I always hoped we'd get together -- though just now I'm gearing up for a child-care vote that -- Lieutenant Thomas Wickwire. -You know him. Sounds familiar. -Sounds familiar. It should. You nominated him for Spec-Recon just three days after you nominated me. -It should. You nominated him for Spec-Recon just three days after you nominated me. Jordan. Might we do this over lunch tomorrow? I do very much want to talk, but now is scarcely -- -Jordan. Might we do this over lunch tomorrow? I do very much want to talk, but now is scarcely -- Did you set me up? Did you set me up just to see me fail? -Did you set me up? Did you set me up just to see me fail? Absolutely not. -Wickwire was there to help. To be my eyes on the inside, to make sure you were getting a fair shot. At least that was the intent. What changed? -What changed? Should probably ask him that. -Should probably ask him that. If I have to ask again, Senator, I'll be asking in front of cameras. -So? Isn't the President jumping on your bandwagon? What he did was light the bandwagon on fire. Because he knows what I know -- that American families are not prepared to put their daughters in harm's way. -What he did was light the bandwagon on fire. Because he knows what I know -- that American families are not prepared to put their daughters in harm's way. You don't know that. -You don't know that. In face, I do: Roper, Harris, Gallop -- they all come back the same. -In face, I do: Roper, Harris, Gallop -- they all come back the same. What are you saying? That a women's life is more valuable than a man's? That a women's death hurts a family more? -What are you saying? That a women's life is more valuable than a man's? That a women's death hurts a family more? I'm saying it's not going to happen. Not when the President is set to turn this into a third-rail issue should I choose to ever campaign against him. He will fry me six ways to Sunday for sending daughters and young mothers off to war -- and, quite possibly, for bringing them back in body bags. -You were never going to let women serve in combat. You always had a safety net. Or thought you did. Jordan. I don't expect you to fully understand this -- but sometimes there's more to be gained from the fight than the victory. -Jordan. I don't expect you to fully understand this -- but sometimes there's more to be gained from the fight than the victory. So the rhetoric gets you headlines. But the reality gets you in trouble. -So the rhetoric gets you headlines. But the reality gets you in trouble. The reality is this: We send far too many men off to war. I don't need to compound the problem with women. Can you honestly tell me you wanted that life? Squat-pissing in some third-world jungle with -- -The reality is this: We send far too many men off to war. I don't need to compound the problem with women. Can you honestly tell me you wanted that life? Squat-pissing in some third-world jungle with -- I wanted the choice. The chance to prove myself, my skills, my work, me. That's how it should've been. -I once promised you a fast ticket, Jordan, and I always meant to make good on that. Come work for me. I can always use a hard-charger on my team. You promise Wickwire a fast ticket, too? -You promise Wickwire a fast ticket, too? I've had no direct communication with him since this whole thing began. And that's quite verifiable. -I've had no direct communication with him since this whole thing began. And that's quite verifiable. I'm sure it is. -I'm sure it is. You'll think about my offer? -You'll think about my offer? You know, I wonder what the SecNav would think about it. If I spoke with him. -You know, I wonder what the SecNav would think about it. If I spoke with him. Well, I spoke with Mr. Hayes this morning myself -- and told him the deal was off. No more test cases. He was only too happy to oblige. Don't play politics with me, little darlin'. You'd be up way past your bedtime. -So she picks the women, we pick the programs. Seals? I'd go Special Reconnaissance. Every bit as tough -- and we have a 60 percent drop-out rate among the men. -I'd go Special Reconnaissance. Every bit as tough -- and we have a 60 percent drop-out rate among the men. Then I suggest we start there. -Then I suggest we start there. Doesn't matter who she picks. No woman is going to last one week in a commando training course. And I don't care who it is. -What the hell is the President trying to do? Steal DeHaven's thunder? I think it's more important, sir, to decide what we're going to do -- since it's apparent this issue is not going away quietly. -I think it's more important, sir, to decide what we're going to do -- since it's apparent this issue is not going away quietly. """G.I. Jane."" And which one of you told me she wouldn't last a week? Huh?" -"Montgomery, why do they call you ""Flea""?" "It's really ""F. Lee Montgomery"" -- but that gets whittled down to just ""Flea."" For short, ma'am." -"It's really ""F. Lee Montgomery"" -- but that gets whittled down to just ""Flea."" For short, ma'am." So it really has nothing to do with actual brain size? -So it really has nothing to do with actual brain size? No, ma'am. -No, ma'am. Well, Flea, I appreciate the respect you just showed me. But I don't need it and don't want it -- not that kind of respect, anyway. It's just gonna hurt us both, okay? -Well, Flea, I appreciate the respect you just showed me. But I don't need it and don't want it -- not that kind of respect, anyway. It's just gonna hurt us both, okay? I'll work on it, ma'am. -I'll work on it, ma'am. Do that. -Hey. You okay, Flea? 'Snot me. It's him. -Really don't wanna be captured, el- tee. Heard some bad things. Fuck. Basher-Basher, this is Ground Crew Six requesting emergency extraction. Stand by for a PRC fix... -Close as I can get, el-tee! Flea, 'Cool, Cortez, Newman -- take your minis, hit the water. Go, GO! -Six o'clock! Marking, marking! Spotted you, Chief. Pri One is to slip you some air, so we're coming down with a tank -- just something until the A-team shows. Over. -Don't have to use it, O'Neil, but it's gotta go out. Five... four... three... I can make this wall without -- -I can make this wall without -- ... two... one... MARK! -Just do it, okay? If you can't feel the other guy's pecker, you ain't in tight enough! I want nuts to butts! -If you can't feel the other guy's pecker, you ain't in tight enough! I want nuts to butts! Come on, Montgomery... -Come on, Montgomery... Flea! O'Neil! Why is there a break in that line? -O'Neil? Sir? -Sir? You're wanted at the C.O.'s. -Time. Check your watch, Pyro. Seems fast. -Miller. Thought the guy was made of depleted uranium. Really didn't expect to lose him. Every class has its surprises, Pyro. This one'll be no different. -Boat Five -- Wickwire, Cozad, Vinyl, Intagliata, Ayers, and Wise. Lieutenant Wickwire is your senior officer. Follow his orders to your death. Get it up! -You don't think she'd be raped if she were captured? You don't think the threat of rape would be used to leverage the men? You broke a dozen training rules back there -- before I lost count. -You broke a dozen training rules back there -- before I lost count. I've had it. Just because they pay me like a baby-sitter doesn't mean I'm gonna be one. -I've had it. Just because they pay me like a baby-sitter doesn't mean I'm gonna be one. She's a trainee, just like the others. Why are you coming down so hard? -She's a trainee, just like the others. Why are you coming down so hard? She's an officer. There's a higher standard. -She's an officer. There's a higher standard. She's a women, and that's why you're ridin' her bareback. -She's a women, and that's why you're ridin' her bareback. Of course it is. And I'm gonna stay on her until everyone realizes this is not some bullshit equal-rights thing, that real lives are gonna be lost. Maybe mine, maybe yours. -Of course it is. And I'm gonna stay on her until everyone realizes this is not some bullshit equal-rights thing, that real lives are gonna be lost. Maybe mine, maybe yours. I oughtta report you. -I oughtta report you. I think you probably would -- if you didn't know I was right. -Thank you, sir. But I like these just fine. Not doin' them very fine, O'Neil. -Not doin' them very fine, O'Neil. I'll try anyway, sir. -I'll try anyway, sir. You'll try what we tell you to try, O'Neil. Go regulation. -"Automatic five-second deduction, which slips you under the wire. It's called ""gender-norming,"" O'Neil -- standard procedure for all females in physical training courses. Where you been the last few years?" "What ""all females""? If I'm the only --" -The Navy Cross... I believe he earned it for saving a man's life in Saudi Arabia. He wanted you to have it. He was very clear on that point. -I believe he earned it for saving a man's life in Saudi Arabia. He wanted you to have it. He was very clear on that point. I was looking for him earlier, but... -I was looking for him earlier, but... The Chief was granted early retirement as of 17-hundred yesterday. By 18-hundred he was gone. Out of the Navy. -The Chief was granted early retirement as of 17-hundred yesterday. By 18-hundred he was gone. Out of the Navy. Just a coincidence? -Just a coincidence? Maybe it's not my place to speculate on his private thoughts. But I think the Chief knew that his way -- his world -- had come and gone. -Lieutenant O'Neil. Gotta situation here. Where are you? Stuck in traffic? -Gotta situation here. Where are you? Stuck in traffic? Not due in for 22 minutes, sir. Watcha got? -Do we know it's him using the beacon? Not a decoy? Signals received only sparingly, in such a pattern that leads us to conclude it is a downed aviator trying to conserve his batteries. -Signals received only sparingly, in such a pattern that leads us to conclude it is a downed aviator trying to conserve his batteries. Chances of recovery? -Chances of recovery? You're the analyst for East China, O'Neil. Analyze. -North Korean beaches are the best protected, most heavily monitored in the world. The civilian population is so propagandized that it acts as an Early Warning system. Extraction team has to be small and silent -- I'd go with Seals over Delta Force. Problem is, don't want to hold a conventional sub off-shore for target practice. Where's The Polk? Halfway 'round the world. So that's the problem -- we can get the team in, just not out. -Halfway 'round the world. So that's the problem -- we can get the team in, just not out. Unless you Whiskey Run. -Unless you Whiskey Run. Blank faces here, O'Neil. -Blank faces here, O'Neil. Quick-hit technique used by Capone. Rigged a getaway car with running boards and handles. All his guys had to do was jump on and take a ride. Check the files -- DPRK-57 -- I doped it out as a contingency plan: Seal Team infiltrates, picks up the package, links up with recovery sub. But don't waste time opening and closing hatches. They just grab the periscope and hang on for neutral waters. -You expect the extraction team to ride the sub bare-back? Is that correct, O'Neil? Only four minutes to neutral waters, sir. Why not? -That was good headwork, lieutenant. Thank you, sir. We hear back from the Pentagon? -Thank you, sir. We hear back from the Pentagon? Probably hear back from CNN first. -Probably hear back from CNN first. Hate this part. Just sweating it out on the sidelines. -Hate this part. Just sweating it out on the sidelines. Intel has its own glory, lieutenant -- no matter how subtle. -By the way, I'll need that option paper by 11-hundred today so I can review it with Admiral Hanover. And do we have any of that breakfast tea around here? Is this my glory, sir? -So why're you even considering it? Are you? Just like you would be. -Just like you would be. Spec-Recon. Those guys are world- class warriors. And they will not want you there, Jordan. -Spec-Recon. Those guys are world- class warriors. And they will not want you there, Jordan. I take it you don't either. Feet. -Well, you're doin' shit-hot at Intel. Royce. We're the same age, we started the same time -- and now you're sitting in the upperdecks while I'm still down in the bullpen. What does that tell you about the Navy? -Royce. We're the same age, we started the same time -- and now you're sitting in the upperdecks while I'm still down in the bullpen. What does that tell you about the Navy? She's haze grey and underway... -She's haze grey and underway... You need operational duty to really advance... you need combat training to go operational... yet combat training is off-limits to people with tits. I'm topped out at Intel. Forget the glass ceiling -- I'm beating my head on a big brass ceiling. -You need operational duty to really advance... you need combat training to go operational... yet combat training is off-limits to people with tits. I'm topped out at Intel. Forget the glass ceiling -- I'm beating my head on a big brass ceiling. So dump on me. -So dump on me. This has nothing to do with you. -This has nothing to do with you. Well, guess I don't even need to be here... -Well, guess I don't even need to be here... Get your dick back here. It has everything to do with you. -Get your dick back here. It has everything to do with you. You're such a ball-breaker sometimes. Especially at night. -You're such a ball-breaker sometimes. Especially at night. Sorry. But after our days... So if I try this thing... if I ship out to Coronado... what happens here? -Sorry. But after our days... So if I try this thing... if I ship out to Coronado... what happens here? I'll try to keep the door open. If you wash out, I make it so that -- -I'll try to keep the door open. If you wash out, I make it so that -- Wai', wait. What happens if it works? Four months of training, three years of operational duty. What then? -Wai', wait. What happens if it works? Four months of training, three years of operational duty. What then? I don't feel like doing an option paper on the rest of my life, Jordan. Maybe we should just let it happen. -I don't feel like doing an option paper on the rest of my life, Jordan. Maybe we should just let it happen. Which is guy-speak for... -Which is guy-speak for... Sounded lame as soon as it came out of my mouth. But I'm trying to be honest, okay? Three years is a long time. Don't ask me to predict how I'll feel then, Jordan, because I don't know. And either do you. -Sounded lame as soon as it came out of my mouth. But I'm trying to be honest, okay? Three years is a long time. Don't ask me to predict how I'll feel then, Jordan, because I don't know. And either do you. You know, right up until you said that -- I thought I did know. -Jordan... Thank you, Royce. It was shaping up like such a tough call -- and then you go and make it so goddamn easy. Really, thank you so much. -I've been trying you for five days. Don't they give you messages? It's hard to find time to sleep, Royce. Much less keep up with my phone life. -It's hard to find time to sleep, Royce. Much less keep up with my phone life. How hard they making it on you? -That bad? I feel like there's men here, there's women here -- then there's men. But hey, what'd I expect? -Well, not this. I was doing the Pentagon scene few nights ago. Got some fresh stuff -- about you. You may be in a hostile camp. I think someone may be taking steps to ensure that you crash and burn. Me? Why me? -Me? Why me? Don't you know? How they're talking about you? -Don't you know? How they're talking about you? I saw an article... -I saw an article... "I can't walk two blocks in Washington without hearing about ""G.I. Jane."" You're all over the place, and whether you wanted it or not, the feminists are sizing you up for that poster." -So why are you telling me this? Big symbols make big targets, Jordan. I think someone's gunning for you. -Big symbols make big targets, Jordan. I think someone's gunning for you. You know, Royce, I got enough heat on me without you turning up the jets, too. -You know, Royce, I got enough heat on me without you turning up the jets, too. I'm only trying to warn you in case -- -I'm only trying to warn you in case -- Well, let me warm you: I'm going though with this. The more everybody fucks with me, fucks with my head, the more it just makes me want to finish. So don't expect me back crying in your arms any time soon, okay? -Well, let me warm you: I'm going though with this. The more everybody fucks with me, fucks with my head, the more it just makes me want to finish. So don't expect me back crying in your arms any time soon, okay? That's not what I want, Jordan. I mean... it is and it isn't... -That's not what I want, Jordan. I mean... it is and it isn't... Still can't make up your mind, huh? Gotta go, Royce. -Still can't make up your mind, huh? Gotta go, Royce. Jordan. You watch your ass. -Jordan. You watch your ass. Sure. I'll join the crowd. -All I wanted was an honest chance. And If I couldn't get it, I couldn't stay. "And this class officer... ""Wickwire."" You think he was just trying to get even? Striking back for..." -"And this class officer... ""Wickwire."" You think he was just trying to get even? Striking back for..." Maybe. Though it didn't seem like he was getting any satisfaction out of it. Almost like... Did I say he was class officer? -Maybe. Though it didn't seem like he was getting any satisfaction out of it. Almost like... Did I say he was class officer? Almost like someone put him up to it. Okay, who? -Almost like someone put him up to it. Okay, who? No shortage of suspects. -No shortage of suspects. The Chief? Or maybe even Turrentine? Your C.O.? -C'mon, Jordan. Do the headwork with me. It's done with, Royce. Let it go. -It's done with, Royce. Let it go. Someone screwed you over like this, left unanswered charges hanging over your head, and you're not gonna fight back? -Someone screwed you over like this, left unanswered charges hanging over your head, and you're not gonna fight back? I'm tired of fighting back. I just wanted to come home and be safe and have you here and the river there and just forget the rest of the world, okay? -I'm tired of fighting back. I just wanted to come home and be safe and have you here and the river there and just forget the rest of the world, okay? Well, before you crawl off to die, Jordan, give me five minutes of good headwork. -"""John James Urgayle."" The Chief." What about him. -What about him. Instructors typically pull three year assignments. This guy's in and out in one year -- your year. That sound right? -Instructors typically pull three year assignments. This guy's in and out in one year -- your year. That sound right? Sounds like an amazing coincidence. -Sounds like an amazing coincidence. Or like maybe he was baby sitting a problem child for the Navy. -Or like maybe he was baby sitting a problem child for the Navy. I don't know, I don't care. -I don't know, I don't care. Well, pardon me if I do. Now who else? Who could've leveraged a class officer like that? C'mon, Jordan, keep your head in the game. -"""In Washington...""" What? -What? Wickwire said he was dry-docked in Washington between stints at Coronado... -"""Wickwire, Thomas Dane""... Second run at Coronado... and correct, they had him stashed in the ""Appropriation Liaison Office,"" whatever that is." You don't crap out of Spec-Recon and get another shot without dispensation from someone up in flag country. He's got a Sea Daddy somewhere. -You don't crap out of Spec-Recon and get another shot without dispensation from someone up in flag country. He's got a Sea Daddy somewhere. I'd sure like to know who. -I'd sure like to know who. Yeah. Me too. -So here we are again. Staring three years of operational duty in the face. Look. It's not like you'd be completely out of reach. And maybe we could call in a few favors, get you stationed at Norfolk instead of Coronado. There are ways of dealing with these things -- I mean, if people are so inclined. -Look. It's not like you'd be completely out of reach. And maybe we could call in a few favors, get you stationed at Norfolk instead of Coronado. There are ways of dealing with these things -- I mean, if people are so inclined. Which is guy-speak for... -Which is guy-speak for... """Yes, Jordan -- I'll wait for you no matter how long.""" -They're more afraid of you. Well, now I feel so much better. -Well, now I feel so much better. It was made clear before you came -- harassment equals career suicide. Can't say anything good, so they don't say much at all. To your face, anyway. -It was made clear before you came -- harassment equals career suicide. Can't say anything good, so they don't say much at all. To your face, anyway. Whose orders were those? -Whose orders were those? It was made clear. Anyway, stay ballsy. First week's hell, then it levels out. Until S.E.R.E. training, anyway. That's hell-and-a-half. -It was made clear. Anyway, stay ballsy. First week's hell, then it levels out. Until S.E.R.E. training, anyway. That's hell-and-a-half. And how do you know that? -And how do you know that? Made it to Week 10 last time. -Made it to Week 10 last time. I didn't know they let you try again. Especially at your age. -I didn't know they let you try again. Especially at your age. You're kind of a surprise yourself. -Hey. Way to gut it out. Thanks, Wick. -Who is it? You know, I had an apartment about this size once. -You know, I had an apartment about this size once. Wick. They got your crew, too? -Wick. They got your crew, too? Intagliata was out chasing breakfast. They found his tracks. Well, shit. -You really came back for more? Of this? When I was sittin' behind a desk in Washington, it made sense, somehow. Blame it on my big brother. He was Spec-Recon. And the stories he used to tell... -When I was sittin' behind a desk in Washington, it made sense, somehow. Blame it on my big brother. He was Spec-Recon. And the stories he used to tell... If you got a good one, Wick... -One time he was doing a rekkie of the Libyan coastline. This is, like, right before we bombed Khadaffi into the past tense. So his crew does a nighttime infil, maps all the big artillery placements and stuff, then turns around to get the hell gone. But between them and the water are five Libyan guards, all armed to the nuts. They had to kill 'em? -They had to kill 'em? Nah, they were dead-ass asleep. But on every guard's chest,they left one Marlboro cigarette. Just a little calling card to say they'd been there -- and could come back any time they wanted. -Nah, they were dead-ass asleep. But on every guard's chest,they left one Marlboro cigarette. Just a little calling card to say they'd been there -- and could come back any time they wanted. That's a good story. -That's a good story. So the shit you gotta go through? To get from here to there? Brother said it was worth it. Worth the training... worth the divorce... worth anything. -So the shit you gotta go through? To get from here to there? Brother said it was worth it. Worth the training... worth the divorce... worth anything. He was married? -He was married? At first. -At first. You got anybody, Wick? -You got anybody, Wick? Not me. You? -O'Neil? How'd you make it last time, Wick? How'd you get through this part? -How'd you make it last time, Wick? How'd you get through this part? Last time I didn't. -Last time I didn't. Let's keep talkin', Wick. Just keep talkin' to me... -Sorry, didn't mean to -- That's okay. Just an ex-girlfriend. And know I remember why. -That's okay. Just an ex-girlfriend. And know I remember why. First big night of liberty and no date? You're pathetic, Wickwire. -First big night of liberty and no date? You're pathetic, Wickwire. Maybe I'll just head over to McP's with the others, have a drink or four. Don't wanna come, do you? -Maybe I'll just head over to McP's with the others, have a drink or four. Don't wanna come, do you? I can't go out. Not like this. -I can't go out. Not like this. I think you look beautiful. -I think you look beautiful. Thanks for lying. But you're the class officer, Wick, and it'd just be weird if we hook up. Besides... -Do you, uh, know... Sure, sure. -Sure, sure. We're going over to her place to make salad and pasta. Just, you know, nothing special. -We're going over to her place to make salad and pasta. Just, you know, nothing special. Okay. Well... thought I'd ask. -I'm sorry, O'Neil. But as class officer, it's my obligation to report all violations. This is insane. You've got no proof. -What're you guys doing? Huh? Just askin' -Just askin' What, you gonna give it all up for a maple twist? How dumb you gotta be? That's exactly what they -- -She part of the training? I don't know... -If not, firing will only give away our position to hostiles in the area. Now how smart is that? Mighta been civilian. -32 feet, six inches! I'm lookin', I'm lookin'! -'Cool? Smoke it! -So we got two full mini-tanks, three minutes each. 'Cool? How much air in yours? Maybe half. Not even. -Maybe half. Not even. Grab an oar, find a way to weight it down, we're gonna need it. Cortez, help him. Flea? You take one of the two full minis -- and just follow my lead. -Say again, sir? You heard me. Move on. -Chief, sir, I don't understand why -- Educate her, Pyro. -Permission to get dressed, sir? It seems the men couldn't get used to the sight of women blown open and their viscera hanging from tree limbs. Israeli men would linger over wounded females -- often to the detriment of the mission, often endangering their own lives. They don't use women anymore. -It seems the men couldn't get used to the sight of women blown open and their viscera hanging from tree limbs. Israeli men would linger over wounded females -- often to the detriment of the mission, often endangering their own lives. They don't use women anymore. Sir, someone mentioned you received the Navy Cross. May I ask what you got it for? -Sir, someone mentioned you received the Navy Cross. May I ask what you got it for? For pulling a 210-pound man out of a burning barrack in Saudi Arabia. -For pulling a 210-pound man out of a burning barrack in Saudi Arabia. I see. So when a man tries to rescue another man, he's a hero. But when he tries to rescue a woman, he's gone soft. -I see. So when a man tries to rescue another man, he's a hero. But when he tries to rescue a woman, he's gone soft. Could you have pulled that 210-pound man clear, lieutenant? -Females in combat situations impact unit cohesion. Men fight better without women around. And that is an historical fact. It also seems like a problem with the men's attitude, sir. So maybe you should be sniffing around their shower room instead. -England went out with a stress fracture. That puts you in charge, lieutenant. McCool's that same rank. We're both j.g.'s. -McCool's that same rank. We're both j.g.'s. You were commissioned one month earlier, which makes you the senior officer. Remember. There are no bad crews -- only bad leaders. -Simple question, lieutenant. No reason not to answer. What is your father's name? """Dad.""" -"""Dad.""" Any brothers? Sisters? -Any brothers? Sisters? Dick, Jane, and Spot. -Dick, Jane, and Spot. Are you hungry? What's your favorite food? We'll try to get it for you. -Are you hungry? What's your favorite food? We'll try to get it for you. Green Eggs and Ham. You're not going to get anywhere. You might as well put me in the cage. -Green Eggs and Ham. You're not going to get anywhere. You might as well put me in the cage. You are in the cage, O'Neil. Right here, right now. -You are in the cage, O'Neil. Right here, right now. Should I be afraid? -Should I be afraid? Right down to your worthless womb, and I'll tell you why. This is my island. My world. And here I can get away with shit that would get me arrested anywhere else in the world. Take another scan of my little joy- boy outside. If I can do that to a Navy Seal, what's gonna happen to you? Huh? -Why didn't you shoot the woman, O'Neil? Wasn't deemed a threat. -Wasn't deemed a threat. She led us right to you. That's no threat? -Would you have shot if it was a man? No. Yes. I mean, depends on -- -No. Yes. I mean, depends on -- The others already told me, O'Neil. They wanted to shoot, but you wouldn't let them. Because you went soft on another women -- -The others already told me, O'Neil. They wanted to shoot, but you wouldn't let them. Because you went soft on another women -- That's not right. -That's not right. That's what your crew said. Are they lying? Or are you? -That's what your crew said. Are they lying? Or are you? I think you're the liar. -I think you're the liar. I'm not the one who got five good men thrown in a bamboo cage. You wear the bars, you made the call, and you got your whole crew -- -I'm not the one who got five good men thrown in a bamboo cage. You wear the bars, you made the call, and you got your whole crew -- We didn't know we were compromised. Firing would only've given away our position. -We didn't know we were compromised. Firing would only've given away our position. You think we should go easy on women, O'Neil? -Do you? No. -No. I'm so glad we agree. -Didn't you know you'd be raped if you were captured? Didn't you even think about that? Sure. Just like your men do. -Sure. Just like your men do. I think we oughtta practice it, just so you know what to expect. -Well, I'm trying to figure out if you're stupid, unlucky, gluttonous -- or some new alloy of all three. Good to see you again, too, sir. -Good to see you again, too, sir. Okay, O'Neil. So you've impressed all the others. Now try me. -Managed to activate the ELB. If you just radio base and let them know, they'll fix on that. Oh, and make sure they send a helo with a winch -- door's blocked by a reef. Over. Chief, sir -- rescue team won't be here for 15 minutes. What's your air situation? Over. -Chief, sir -- rescue team won't be here for 15 minutes. What's your air situation? Over. Say again? How many micks? -Say again? How many micks? 15, sir. -Got it. Show us where you are, Chief. -O'Neil... Shut up, sir. I'm concentrating. -Well, who the shit you think you are? Comin' in here like that? Your new roommate. -Anybody usin' these drawers here? Hey, hey, HEY. No possibility. You can't stay in here. You can't sleep right next to me. -Hey, hey, HEY. No possibility. You can't stay in here. You can't sleep right next to me. Funny, the C.O. says I can. -Aw, lookit this, lookit this -- she's bringin' Tampax in here. C'mon, you got nothin' but rooms over there. That your desk? I'll take this one. -That your desk? I'll take this one. WOULD YOU JUST GET OUTTA HERE? -WOULD YOU JUST GET OUTTA HERE? Listen, Sex Ape. I'm here to stay. And if you don't want me for a roommate or classmate, you got two options -- move out or ring out. End of file. -Clear. North? -All right, fire-and-evade maneuvers. Drop everything but weapons and the PRC radio -- we're gonna be high speed, low drag all the way to the link-up site. Ready? Sure. Now she wants to shoot. -Sure. Now she wants to shoot. MOVE! -I just wonder how that happened. Cortez, see if you can dig out the tools without losing the rest of out gear. Try a wrench on that thing. -You don't suppose this is just part of... FLEA! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THAT SPOT! Mark it, mark it! Cortez? What the hell you waiting for? -Maybe we should call the Coast Guard. Shut your hole, Slutnik. -We're fucked. Darth Vader reads poetry... -Darth Vader reads poetry... We are so fucked. -Can't live with them, can't kill them. What's the point? Somebody throw a tent over this circus. -You mind? I'm trying to eat here. So am I. -This ain't workin' right! What's our go-to-shit plan, O'Neil? -What's our go-to-shit plan, O'Neil? This ain't even workin' wrong! -Subject? O'Neil, Jordan. -O'Neil, Jordan. Thought you two were file-closed. -Thought you two were file-closed. You knew about us? -You knew about us? Sorry. Thought you knew I knew. -All right. So who stands to gain if Jordan flames out in a big way? The E-Ringers? Full integration is gonna cost the services billions at the worst possible time -- when Congress is already swinging the axe. -The E-Ringers? Full integration is gonna cost the services billions at the worst possible time -- when Congress is already swinging the axe. Congress cuts, military bleeds. But Pentagon's a big place. Let's narrow the sights. -Congress cuts, military bleeds. But Pentagon's a big place. Let's narrow the sights. The Navy? They've made it clear they don't want to pull missiles out of subs to make room for women's heads. What's it gonna cost to make a fleet of Trident's co-ed? -The Navy? They've made it clear they don't want to pull missiles out of subs to make room for women's heads. What's it gonna cost to make a fleet of Trident's co-ed? Sabotage born of economics? Wouldn't be a first. But is Hayes really going to start his watch with such a public failure? -Sabotage born of economics? Wouldn't be a first. But is Hayes really going to start his watch with such a public failure? Possibly. Just to spite DeHaven. -Possibly. Just to spite DeHaven. Hmm. Let's aim higher. -The White House. If Jordan wins, DeHaven wins in spades. Why? Well, it's been said that the only man the President fears -- ain't no man. The first female President? -The first female President? "Don't for a second think she didn't leak this story. ""G.I. Jane"" gives DeHaven a symbol that taps into the biggest constituency of them all." -"Don't for a second think she didn't leak this story. ""G.I. Jane"" gives DeHaven a symbol that taps into the biggest constituency of them all." Women. -Women. If you were the President, wouldn't that put a little piss in your shoes? -If you were the President, wouldn't that put a little piss in your shoes? I don't know. Seems... -I don't know. Seems... This ain't about some little soldier girl sloggin' her way through commando school. The implications go way beyond. -This ain't about some little soldier girl sloggin' her way through commando school. The implications go way beyond. Christ, I don't want to see her take a fall. She thinks I do, but... -Christ, I don't want to see her take a fall. She thinks I do, but... I take it this file is still open. -I take it this file is still open. Even tough I don't talk to her every day -- I still talk to her every day. Know what I mean? -Even tough I don't talk to her every day -- I still talk to her every day. Know what I mean? Okay, so now work it from the other end. Think about California -- and how things might be handled there. -Okay, so now work it from the other end. Think about California -- and how things might be handled there. "I don't... What, someone on base? A ""mole""?" -"I don't... What, someone on base? A ""mole""?" This is what you get for brain- picking an old CIA spook. but if I needed to control the outcome of this test case, that's how I'd do it. A man-in-place. Makes everything very controllable. -That's cuz I'm married to you. Shut up. How can you eat like that? -Shut up. How can you eat like that? Big bites. -I'm telling you he's dirt. He's a douche bag, gutter slime, dog crap, puke chunks... Hey, hey! I'm eating here! -Hey, hey! I'm eating here! Audrey, you're too damned nice, that's your problem. Nice gets you nothin' in this town. You gotta be a killer to get ahead, you know what I'm sayin'? I'm sorry, baby, but you just don't got what it takes. -Audrey's going to stay with us tonight. Great. See ya then. -Who the hell are all these people? What? I just couldn't just let them sleep in the street. -What? I just couldn't just let them sleep in the street. Where's Audrey? -Where's Audrey? In the bedroom. Crying her eyes out because of you. -In the bedroom. Crying her eyes out because of you. What? -What? "All that ""you gotta be vicious"" stuff you filled her head with." -"All that ""you gotta be vicious"" stuff you filled her head with." Me!? You where the one... -Me!? You where the one... Go in there. Talk to her. -I like that image. You know how I spent last weekend? Walking his damned dog. -Animal, you don't think that's true, do you? Nice guys finish last. First rule of the jungle. -Nice guys finish last. First rule of the jungle. Well, I can be tough if I want. -That why you dumped him? No! I just couldn't see myself with some boring egg head who spends his summer picking apart cockroaches. I wanted to have some adventure, some fun... -How long where you and dis guy goin' steady? Nearly four years... -Great stuff, Animal. Weren't you scared? Sure I was. I thought Lucy was gonna kill me. -He stole my report! That's my report! We know, Audrey. -You okay? It's all my fault. What have I done, Animal? What have I become? Look at me. This isn't me. I don't do things like this. -It's all my fault. What have I done, Animal? What have I become? Look at me. This isn't me. I don't do things like this. You made a mistake. -Yeah, I just screwed up with the only man who ever really cared about me. Didn't you tell me he left for the airport? -Didn't you tell me he left for the airport? Yeah. Why are you asking? -Yeah. Why are you asking? I just saw him. He's with a bunch of guys who want to sneak into the city tonight. -My God. He's going after the nest. Perfect! You wanted a story, well, baby, you got one. -Animal, I can't. Look, you want to make it up to your friend? Well if he's right, this is your chance. -What are you doing? Lucy'd kill me if she knew. -What are you doing? It's the maintenance entrance. Runs along the side of the tunnel. When they repaired it last year I worked on a piece about it. -Don't you think we have enough? Yes. Definitely. Definitely enough. -Think we can fit up in there? Only one way to find out. -He's not going to do it. Oh yes he will. -Cut uptown, take 8th to 57th then cut up Broadway. You're crazy, go to the east side and take the park avenue to the JFK. -You're crazy, go to the east side and take the park avenue to the JFK. The JFK? In the rain!? -What are you talking about? The east side is always faster. But we can get to the west side faster. -Audrey, did you take the tape out of the camera? No. -I'll take them all. You must have quite some harem. -Audrey?! Is that you? Hi, hello. You look, wow, uh, how've you been? It's good to see you, Nick. -So you made it. What? -You're a reporter. That's what you always wanted to be, right? I'm happy for you. Really, I am. Yeah, well... -So, you still picking apart cockroaches? "No, I'm into earthworms now. You wouldn't be interested. They're real ""boring"" creatures. Very reliable, dependable, no surprises..." -"No, I'm into earthworms now. You wouldn't be interested. They're real ""boring"" creatures. Very reliable, dependable, no surprises..." You're still mad at me, aren't you? -You're still mad at me, aren't you? You just left me without a phone call, a letter, nothing. All this time. Yeah, I guess I'm still a little mad. -You just left me without a phone call, a letter, nothing. All this time. Yeah, I guess I'm still a little mad. That was eight years ago. Some people change, you know. -That was eight years ago. Some people change, you know. Most people don't. -Most people don't. I'm sorry you feel that way. -Wait. I'm sorry. You're right. Eight years is a long time. Can I offer you a cup of tea? Sure. I'd like that. -I still can't believe it. How does a guy go from an anti-nuke activists to working for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission? When you and I use to attend rallies in college, we helped to create awareness. But from the inside now I can actually effect change. I never lost my idealism. -When you and I use to attend rallies in college, we helped to create awareness. But from the inside now I can actually effect change. I never lost my idealism. And exactly what changes are you trying to effect? -And exactly what changes are you trying to effect? I have this theory that we're inadvertently creating new species as a direct result of what we've done to nature. -I have this theory that we're inadvertently creating new species as a direct result of what we've done to nature. And you think this creature is one of them? -And you think this creature is one of them? Yes. The first of its kind. I found this blood sample earlier this evening... -Yes. The first of its kind. I found this blood sample earlier this evening... Blood sample? How close did you get to that thing? -Blood sample? How close did you get to that thing? I got pretty close. -I got pretty close. What else do you know about it? -...he's pregnant. Are you sure? -Well, obviously these tests weren't designed for this but fundamentally they're looking for the same hormonal patterns that would indicate pregnancy. I don't get it. If it's the first of its kind, how can it be pregnant? -The ultimate expression of evolution, it reproduces asexually. Think about it, all kinds of creatures have been known to travel great distances for reproduction. That's why he came to New York. Like every species of insufficient progenitors, he's nesting! Nesting? -Nesting? Yes. Do you realize that a creature like this could lay as many as a dozen eggs at a time! -Is this cause of me? Because of the story? Well what the hell did you think was going to happen? -Well what the hell did you think was going to happen? You never said it was off the record. -You never said it was off the record. I shouldn't have to, Audrey. You're supposed to be my friend. I trusted you. -I shouldn't have to, Audrey. You're supposed to be my friend. I trusted you. I didn't mean for it to turn out like this. Look, I lied to you. I'm not a reporter. When we broke up and I came out to New York I was so sure I'd make it. But I haven't. That's why I needed this story so bad. I just couldn't tell you I'm a failure. -I didn't mean for it to turn out like this. Look, I lied to you. I'm not a reporter. When we broke up and I came out to New York I was so sure I'd make it. But I haven't. That's why I needed this story so bad. I just couldn't tell you I'm a failure. So you thought that made it okay to steal my tapes? -What are you doing here? I thought you said there'd only be a dozen eggs. -I thought you said there'd only be a dozen eggs. I was wrong. -Circuits are overloaded. I know a way. I know how you can get a message out of here. -Come on, the broadcast booth is right over here. How do you know? -How do you know? Our network covers the Ranger games. -The network is on an intranet. It's a direct feed into our computer system. Your station won't have any easier time contacting the military than I did. -If the military are listening, they must immediately destroy this building before they can escape. Oh my God! They're coming! -Are you okay? Somehow I never thought your life was this exciting. -Somehow I never thought your life was this exciting. You'd be surprised. -You'd be surprised. Really? I'd like to find out. -Who was that French guy, anyway. Oh, just some insurance guy. -And I'm supposed to remind you to call him on all of Caiman's expense p.o.'s. Speak of the devil. -My life sucks. Oh, please, your life doesn't suck. His life sucks. -I can't believe he put the moves on me. After everything I've done for him. He's scum! As far as he's concerned you're just a pair of breasts that talk. -It's Nick! I know that guy. I know him! Who is he? -Who is he? He was my college sweetie! Look at him. He looks so handsome on t.v. What the hell is he doing in Panama. -Did Romeo have a name? Nick Tatopoulos. -Four years. Girl, I'm surprised he didn't ask you to marry him. That's the problem. He did. -What the hell are you doing? Remember my friend we saw on t.v.? -Remember my friend we saw on t.v.? Your old sweetheart? -Your old sweetheart? Yeah, well he just turned up in New Jersey at the military command post. Somehow all this is related to what happened down in Panama. There's a story here. I know it. You got any tape or glue? -Yeah, well he just turned up in New Jersey at the military command post. Somehow all this is related to what happened down in Panama. There's a story here. I know it. You got any tape or glue? I left my forgery kit back at the office. -Wish me luck! Audrey, I don't think this is a very good idea. Caiman finds out and he'll have your job. -Audrey, I don't think this is a very good idea. Caiman finds out and he'll have your job. I'm tired of waiting for someone else to give me an opportunity, Luce. If there's a story here I'm going to find it. -Hey, do you have any glue in your bag? What's it to you? -What's it to you? Can I use some? -Can I use some? What do I get? -What do I get? The warm feeling of helping your fellow man. -The warm feeling of helping your fellow man. Five bucks. -Five bucks. You're kidding, right? -Did you talk with Humphries? This is not the place... -This is not the place... Just tell me, did you talk with him? -Just tell me, did you talk with him? He said he'd consider it. It's between you and Rodriguez. -He said he'd consider it. It's between you and Rodriguez. Are you serious? He's going to consider me for he job? What else did he say? -Mr. Caiman, you're married. And you're beautiful... -And you're beautiful... Mr. Caiman... -Mr. Caiman... Call me Charlie. -Call me Charlie. Mr. Caiman, I've been doing extra research for you after hours and weekends for nearly a year. And I've never asked for anything but this job is really important to me. I'm too old to be an assistant anymore. I need to know this job is going someplace. -Mr. Caiman, I've been doing extra research for you after hours and weekends for nearly a year. And I've never asked for anything but this job is really important to me. I'm too old to be an assistant anymore. I need to know this job is going someplace. So have dinner with me tonight. -So have dinner with me tonight. I can't. -I can't. It's your choice. -Caiman, wait. Take me with you. What? -What? I've got something on this. I know a guy on the inside with the military... -I've got something on this. I know a guy on the inside with the military... Not now. You got my bag? -You don't understand, I can get us information... Listen, this is the time when the big boys have to go to work, okay Honey? -We did it! We've got the exclusive! Way to go, Audrey! We? I don't think so. -We? I don't think so. I want that story, Audrey. Remember you work for me. -I want that story, Audrey. Remember you work for me. Not anymore. Mr. Caiman, I quit. -Hi. Nick Tatopoulos... Ah, Elsie Chapman, paleontologist. -Three years digging up worms in Chernobyl? How did Mrs. Tatopoulos handle it? Oh, I'm not married. -Oh, I'm not married. Really? A girlfriend then? -Really? A girlfriend then? No. Perhaps I work too much. -No. Perhaps I work too much. You mean to tell me that there is no one who holds a special place in your heart? -Not for a long time, now. Well, I think you're cute. -Well, I think you're cute. Oh, thank you. Is she always like this? -Hence the radiation. More than that. I believe this is a mutated aberration, a hybrid from the fall out in that region. -Evacuate Manhattan? That's over three million people. Has that ever been done before? I don't think so. -I'm sorry about all this. Me too. -Make sure they find that nest before it's too late. I'll try. -Merde! Allez, allez! -They will set the trap at thirty minutes to ten. That is when we will go in. -We've secured the doors on both levels. Where's Luc and Pierre? -Where's Luc and Pierre? They didn't make it. -They didn't make it. Nick, my men and I will hold them here. You will have to go and get help! -When we learned he could burrow his way through the tunnels we realized he could be out of the quarantined zone. Christ. How many tunnels lead off the island? -Christ. How many tunnels lead off the island? Only five, Sir. We've checked them all. He hasn't used any of them. -Only five, Sir. We've checked them all. He hasn't used any of them. Have them sealed off. -Have them sealed off. And how should we do that, Sir? -And how should we do that, Sir? Fill them with cement, brick them up, put land mines in them, bombs, I don't know, just make sure that goddamned thing doesn't leave the island! -Who are they? Lieutenant, get those people away from there. They are with me! -CHARGEURES, property and casualty insurance. We are preparing a report. You're fast. -You're fast. That is our job. -That is our job. Well your people are getting in the way of my job. -Well your people are getting in the way of my job. Major, what do you think could have done this? -Major, what do you think could have done this? Get your people out of there or I will. -Dr. Niko Topopolosis? It's Tatopoulos. -It's Tatopoulos. Right. The worm guy. Can someone get those people off the beach? -Right. The worm guy. Can someone get those people off the beach? Excuse me, would you mind telling me what the hell I'm doing here? -Excuse me, would you mind telling me what the hell I'm doing here? Follow me. -You didn't answer my question. In fact, for the last 18 hours no one has answered any of my questions. We have a situation on our hands that requires your particular expertise. -Look, I may work for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission but accidents and spills are not my field. We know. -Do you know that you just interrupted a three year study of the Chernobyl earthworm? Yeah, you're the worm guy. -Yeah, you're the worm guy. The radioactive contamination in that area altered the earthworm's DNA! You have any idea what that means? -The radioactive contamination in that area altered the earthworm's DNA! You have any idea what that means? No, but I have the feeling I'm about to find out. -No, but I have the feeling I'm about to find out. It means that due to a man made accident the Chernobyl earthworms are now over seventeen percent larger than they were before. Mutated by seventeen percent? -Seventeen percent, huh? Sounds big. They're enormous! A new species created by man's recklessness. That's what I've been trying to tell you, I'm only a biologist. I take radioactive samples and study them. -They're enormous! A new species created by man's recklessness. That's what I've been trying to tell you, I'm only a biologist. I take radioactive samples and study them. Then you're perfect. Here's your radioactive sample. Study it. -What sample? You're standing on it. -That was a footprint. I was standing inside a footprint. That's right. -That's right. But there's no animal in the world that can make prints like that? Is there? -But there's no animal in the world that can make prints like that? Is there? We're hoping you're going to help us figure that out. -Somebody must have seen it. It happened so fast no one knew what hit them 'til is was over. -The radiation is not an anomaly, it's the clue. This creature is far too unique on every level to be some lost dinosaur. Don't tell me why it's not, tell me what the hell it is. -Don't tell me why it's not, tell me what the hell it is. What do we know? It was first sighted off the French Polynesian Pacific. An area that has been exposed to dozens of nuclear tests over the last thirty years. -You know, he's not an enemy trying to evade you. He's just an animal. What are you suggesting? -What are you suggesting? When I needed to catch earthworms, I knew the best way to catch them was not to chase them. I had to draw them out. -Well, yes. I did. Clearly he was injured and bled. You see, all we need to do is get a better shot at it with weapons that don't rely on heat seeking... -You see, all we need to do is get a better shot at it with weapons that don't rely on heat seeking... Um, excuse me, sir, but the situation's more complicated than that. The blood I recovered revealed that the creature is either about to lay eggs or already has. -No, it reproduces asexually. That's why we must find the nest. If we don't, dozens will be born, each one capable of laying eggs of its own. Very quickly we could be looking at an enormous population. So after we kill the creature we'll begin a search for the nest. -So after we kill the creature we'll begin a search for the nest. It may be too late by then. These eggs will hatch very quickly. -You gave them the tape? No, it's still in my tent. It's...oh my God, she took it. -We think there's a strong reason to believe it may be hiding inside one of the buildings within the sequestered area. But you don't know for sure! -General Anderson, the problem was the terrain. If we lure him out into a more open area such as this portion of Central Park... We should be able to take him down. Last time you didn't even scratch it! -Last time you didn't even scratch it! That's not true. Our worm guy, er, I mean, Dr. Tatopoulos found blood. -Do you have any idea what's going on out there? The phones are ringing off the hook with people screaming to be let back into the city. We're sending divers into the river now to retrieve the body. -We're sending divers into the river now to retrieve the body. That thing's dead. What the hell are we waiting for? -Organize a search party. I want a complete sweep of the entire city and subway system. You don't have the authority to do that. -Are you looking for this? Thanks. -Do I know you? We've met before. -We've met before. Oh yeah, the insurance guy. -SDECE, Service de Documentation Exterieure et de Contre-Espionnage. Agent Phillip Raymond. Sounds like a big company. -Sounds like a big company. It's the French Secret Service. -It's the French Secret Service. Oh. -Oh. We have learned that your American friends have decided not to look for the creature's nest. -We have learned that your American friends have decided not to look for the creature's nest. Are you sure? How do you know? -Are you sure? How do you know? We know. -We know. Why are you telling this to me? -Why are you telling this to me? I need you to trust me. -I need you to trust me. Why do you need that? -Why do you need that? I need your trust if you're to help me find the nest. -I need your trust if you're to help me find the nest. Oh, my bags. I've checked them in. -Oh, my bags. I've checked them in. We, have already taken care of them. -How did you get all of this stuff into the country? This is America. There is nothing you can not buy. -So why all the secrecy? Why aren't you guys working with the US military? I am not permitted to speak of such things. -I am a patriot. I love my country. Can you understand that? Sure. -Sure. It is my job to protect my country. Sometimes I must even protect it from itself. From mistakes we have made. Mistakes that we do not want the world to know about. -It is my job to protect my country. Sometimes I must even protect it from itself. From mistakes we have made. Mistakes that we do not want the world to know about. Your talking about the nuclear testing in the Pacific. -Your talking about the nuclear testing in the Pacific. Yes. This testing done by my country left a terrible mess. We are here to clean it up. -Here. 23rd street subway station. Where we first found the fish. With a little luck, this will lead us right to it. So you're in? -So you're in? Are you kidding? I always wanted to join the French Foreign Legion. -What's with the chewing gum? Makes us look more American. -They've turned off the ventilation system. They're calling him to dinner. Let's hope we are not the hors d'oeuvres. -Three eggs. I thought there would be more. You were right. -I think we should leave now. Good idea. -Contact the military and get them to send a bomber to blow up this building before these things escape. How do I do that? -How do I do that? 555-7600. Tell them it's a code dragonfly. They should get you through. -What'd they say? I can't get through. I don't know what's wrong. -Who the hell are you? It's okay. I know her. -Hello? It's Raymond. -It's Raymond. Where are you? -I understand. I just wanted to say, au revoir and thank you for your help, my friend. -I just wanted to say, au revoir and thank you for your help, my friend. Wait. Au revoir. -Dr. Lazarus... I hope that I'm not breaching protocol but.. I am so very humbled to stand in your presence... I have studied your missions extensively... Though I am Thermian, I have lived my life by your philosophy, by the code of the Mak'tar. Well good, that's very... nice. -Well good, that's very... nice. By Grabthar's Hammer, Dr. Lazarus, I- -By Grabthar's Hammer, Dr. Lazarus, I- Don't do that. I'm not kidding. -Don't do that. I'm not kidding. I'm sorry, sir, I was only- -I'm sorry, sir, I was only- Just don't. -Just don't. ...Yes sir. Your quarters sir. -This is it? Yes sir. Marvelous, isn't it? Completely distractionless. -Yes sir. Marvelous, isn't it? Completely distractionless. Where's my bed? -Just as on your home planet, sir. If I may say, it took me three years to master the spikes, but now I sleep with a peace I never thought possible... Is that the bathroom? -Is that the bathroom? Yes sir... The use of your waste facilities were strangely absent from the historical records, so we had to extrapolate purely on the basis of your anatomy. -Dr. Lazarus, here is your surface mapper. I have programed it to the coordinates of a Beryllium Sphere of sufficient density. Thanks. -Thanks. Good luck on your mission, Sir. By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Suns of Warvan I wish you- -Good luck on your mission, Sir. By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Suns of Warvan I wish you- Uh uh! What did we talk about? -Uh uh! What did we talk about? Right... Sorry, sir. -Sir, it's you Thank Ipthar! Quellek. What are you doing in there? -Quellek. What are you doing in there? I avoided capture using the Mak'tar stealth haze. Where is everyone? -I avoided capture using the Mak'tar stealth haze. Where is everyone? Come with me. I'll explain on the way. -Sir! The pressure. It's normalizing. Open. -Okay, Quellek, let's get back to the command deck and-Suddenly we hear a PISTOL BLAST and Quellek's chest turns RED. Alexander and Quellek look down at the blood, horrified. I'm... I'm shot. -Not so bad. We'll get you to medical quarters. You're going to be fine. I... I don't think I'm going to make it Sir... -I... I don't think I'm going to make it Sir... No, don't talk like that, son. We're going to get you fixed up. -No, don't talk like that, son. We're going to get you fixed up. ... It has been my greatest honor to serve with you. LIving by your example these years, my life has had meaning. I have been blessed. Sir, I... I... -Don't speak, Quellek. You'll forgive my impertinence, sir, but even though we had never before met, always considered you as a father to me. -Come on, old friend... Friend. You stole all my best lines. You cut me out of episode two entirely!.. -You WILL go out there. I won't and nothing you say- -I won't and nothing you say- """The show must go on.""" -"""The show must go on.""" ...Damn you! Damn you! -I'm glad you asked... To me the most important qualities of a Galaxy Explorer are loyalty... ... to camera center no matter whose shot you're blocking... -... to camera center no matter whose shot you're blocking... Leadership.... -God, what an ass. COME IN PROTECTOR... PROTECTOR... -Calm down everybody. We're just here to negotiate General Sarris' surrender. """Just!?""" -At ease men. Like throwing gasoline on a fire... -We've got to stop! We stop we die. Keep holding the thruster down Tommy! -We stop we die. Keep holding the thruster down Tommy! You don't hold a thruster down! It's for quick boosts -You don't hold a thruster down! It's for quick boosts Like YOU know? -NO! WE'RE ALMOST THROUGH! DON'T BE INSANE, STOP! FULL STOP! -DON'T BE INSANE, STOP! FULL STOP! KEEP GOING! KEEP GOING! -About this much. What's the scale? Is that ten miles? A hundred miles? -What's the scale? Is that ten miles? A hundred miles? THIS much. -There it is. The Beryllium sphere. Must be some sort of mining facility. -Go ahead! You go first! There's no time! -You go first! There's no time! Oh, of course, I forgot! YOU have to be the hero, don't you?... Heaven forbid anyone else get the spotlight once! Oh no, Jason Nesmith couldn't possibly- -What? What? Nothing. -Nothing. I heard something. A squeal. -Fred's no good, Jason. You're going to have to kill it KILL IT? Well I'm open to ideas!... -ALEXANDER??? PLEASE? You're my advisor, advise me! ... . Well you have to figure out what it wants... What's its motivation? -... . Well you have to figure out what it wants... What's its motivation? It's a DAMN ROCK MONSTER!!! It doesn't HAVE motivation! -It's a DAMN ROCK MONSTER!!! It doesn't HAVE motivation! "That's your problem. You were never serious about the caraft... ""I'm a rock... I just want to be a rock... Still. Peaceful.. Tranquil.."" ...""Oh, but what's this? Something's making noise... No, not noise, no... MOVEMENT. VIBRATIONS. Make the vibrations stop, they go straight into me like a knife!... I must CRUSH the thing that makes the vibrations...""" -"That's your problem. You were never serious about the caraft... ""I'm a rock... I just want to be a rock... Still. Peaceful.. Tranquil.."" ...""Oh, but what's this? Something's making noise... No, not noise, no... MOVEMENT. VIBRATIONS. Make the vibrations stop, they go straight into me like a knife!... I must CRUSH the thing that makes the vibrations...""" Am I crazy, or do you actually have something there? -Hundreds dead, all so you could play at being the Commander.' You've murdered us all you egomaniacal sonofabitch! Shut up.' Just shut up you purple skinned monstronsity, -"""Purple skinned monstrosity...?""" "I was staying in character. ""Egomaniacal sonofabitch?""" -"I was staying in character. ""Egomaniacal sonofabitch?""" Sense memory. I see you got to win the fight... -Sense memory. I see you got to win the fight... I had the shot... -~hex! Alex, are you oKav? Yes. Good was done this ..... -Yes. Good was done this ..... Okay... Let's go, buddy, they can take It from here... I'mo- -Jason, before we entered the black hole, my instruments detected strange energy surge from Sarris' shiD~ similar to... No time to worry about that, Alex. Tommy, let's get this thing slowed down... Gwen, see if you can calculate the impact point. Guy, cet down to deck C and make sure tne injured are secured. Also lets- -He's a twit! Oh, and did you hear he booked another fan appearance without us? -Not again... I played Richard III... -Settle down, Alex... No. I can't go out there! I won't say that ridiculous catch phrase one more time. I won't. I can't! -What the hell is going on?!!? Jason, what have you gotten us into? -He wants to THINK!? No, Jason, that's a wrap! There's nothing to think about! -Could you possibly try not to hit every single one! They're drifting toward me... I think they're magnetic!... -What's happened? The engines are dead. We're drifting. -You were holding it upside down weren't you? Shut up. -Shut up. You know, with the makeup and everything1 I actually thought he was smart for a second. -You know, with the makeup and everything1 I actually thought he was smart for a second. "You think you could do better ""Laredo?""" -"You think you could do better ""Laredo?""" "Hey, watch that ""Laredo"" shit." -And note the sucked in gut. ...Sleeves rolled halfway up the biceps... -This is ludicrous. Why are you listening to this man? Must I remind you that he is wearing a costume, not a uniform?... He's no more equipped to lead us than THIS fellow. No offense. You have a better plan, Alex? -You have a better plan, Alex? As a matter of fact, I do. Look at their eyes. They're obviously nocturnal. Come sundown they will go into the forest to hunt. So our plan is simply to wait for nightfall instead of mounting an insane assault in full daylight simply because we did it that way in episode 31.' -He's a miserable twit! The guy is terminally selfish! -Oh Alex, get away from that thing... Dear God.... How did I come to this? -Alex you can't -just leave. Oh can't I? Watch me! -Oh good, there's nothing to eat. Why didn't you stop at the market? -Why didn't you stop at the market? I still haven't got this bloody thing off. -I still haven't got this bloody thing off. You could order something in. -You could order something in. A boy comes to the door. -A boy comes to the door. I don't know... It just wasn't like him. -I don't know... It just wasn't like him. Yes, poor Jason. As we speak he's probably out somewhere talking rubbish to a roomful of hangers-on. While here I sit eating Christmas cheese in Spring. -Oh my god, It's real. All this from watching the.. historical records? -We heard it the first time! Shit! I'm doing it! I'm repeating the damn computer! -May I get the check? The ships are gaining... -WE'VE HAVE TO STOP! FRONT ARMOR IS GONE! JUST SLOW IT DOWN A LITTLE! -"""Go into the cloud! ..." Alex? Where are you going? -Alex? Where are you going? To see if there's a pub. -Look at that... Will you LOOK at that... They look like little children... Could they be the miners? -I don't know. Nobody was WATCHING? -Those blue things ate everybody here? It doesn't make sense... Surely they could have fortified the compound against those creatures... -He knocked me out the sonofabitch. Where is he? Down there. -"You said ""the Commander." What? -What? "Back there. You said ""the Commander is down there with a bunch of cannibals.""" -"Back there. You said ""the Commander is down there with a bunch of cannibals.""" No I didn't. -No I didn't. Yes you did. -He always has to make the big entrance. "By Grabthar's Hammer, this is true. 159 NT. LIVING ROOM - SOMEWHERE - NIGHT 159" -He dissed us AGAIN, Brandon! He probably... Has some very important business to attend to... -Hi Brandon. No time for pleasantries, Kyle. We have a level five emergency. The Commander needs us to get him to the core and shut it down before it overloads. -No time for pleasantries, Kyle. We have a level five emergency. The Commander needs us to get him to the core and shut it down before it overloads. Oh. Okay. -Oh. Okay. You've got the utility systems walkthrough, right? -You've got the utility systems walkthrough, right? I have sectors 1-28. I think Hector has the upper levels. -I have sectors 1-28. I think Hector has the upper levels. We'd better get everybody online. And Kyle, Stop downloading porn. Your frame rate is unacceptable. -"Commander, please settle a dispute that my crew and I are having. In ""The Quasar Dilemma"", the Sentient had taken control of the ship's guidance systems, however-" Excuse me guys. -"Commander, as I was saying... In ""The Quasar Dilemma"", you used the auxiliary of deck b for Gamma override. But online blueprints indicate deck b is independent of the guidance matrix, so we were wondering where the error lies?" It's a television show. Okay? That's all. It's just a bunch of fake sets, and wooden props, do you understand? -It's a television show. Okay? That's all. It's just a bunch of fake sets, and wooden props, do you understand? Yes but, we were wondering- -Yes but, we were wondering- There IS no quantum flux and there Is no auxiliary... There's no goddamn ship Do you get it? -... Yes? We accidently traded Vox units when we bumped into each other on Saturday. -We accidently traded Vox units when we bumped into each other on Saturday. Oh... Oh, I see. Oh. -Oh... Oh, I see. Oh. What's your name, son? -What's your name, son? Brandon. -Brandon. Brandon, I remember you from the convention, right?... You had a lot of little technical observations about the ship, and I spoke sharply to you... -Brandon, I remember you from the convention, right?... You had a lot of little technical observations about the ship, and I spoke sharply to you... Yes, I know, and I want you to know I thought about what you said... I know you meant it constructively but... -Yes, I know, and I want you to know I thought about what you said... I know you meant it constructively but... It's okay. Listen- -It's okay. Listen- ... But I want you to know that I am not a complete braincase, okay? I understand completely that It's just a TV show. There is no ship, there is no Beryllium Sphere, no diagital conveyor... I mean, obviously it's all just a- -... But I want you to know that I am not a complete braincase, okay? I understand completely that It's just a TV show. There is no ship, there is no Beryllium Sphere, no diagital conveyor... I mean, obviously it's all just a- It's real, Brandon. All of it, It's real. -It's real, Brandon. All of it, It's real. I knew it!... I KNEW it!... -I knew it!... I KNEW it!... Brandon.. . The crew and I are in trouble and we need your help. -Okay, we got it. Okay, you can go on in... I'm going to get Kyle. He knows the utility tunnel system better than anybody alive. -Okay, now left at the next turn... Past the oxygen units. Make a right there. Then go through the antimatter vent... Okay... Okay, now what. -Okay... Okay, now what. Now make a right, you'll see a doorway that opens on the central manufacturing facility. The bowels of the ship. -Commander, do you have a camera? I'd die to see this in person... All they showed on T,V was a machine here, and a wall here... I don't know why they didn't show the whole thing. We'd never have the budget for this. -We'd never have the budget for this. "Okay, so do you see a door marked ""CORE UNIT?"" Should be down at the far end to your left." -Yes...? Okay, that's where you want to be. -Brandon.. Just in case I die, there's something I have to know... Yes Commander? -Yes Commander? What does the Omega 13 do? -What does the Omega 13 do? Well, that's the big question, isn't it? -Well, that's the big question, isn't it? What do you mean? -What do you mean? It's been the subject of an extremely heated debate on the internet for years. Many believe that is a matter collapser, a bomb capable of destroying all matter in the universe in a chain reaction lasting 13 seconds. -It's been the subject of an extremely heated debate on the internet for years. Many believe that is a matter collapser, a bomb capable of destroying all matter in the universe in a chain reaction lasting 13 seconds. But you don't? -But you don't? No, I am of the firm belief that in reality it is not a matter killer, but a matter REARRANGER, converting all molecules to the exact state they existed thirteen seconds previous to activation thus effecting a thirteen second time jump to the past. -No, I am of the firm belief that in reality it is not a matter killer, but a matter REARRANGER, converting all molecules to the exact state they existed thirteen seconds previous to activation thus effecting a thirteen second time jump to the past. How did you come to that conclusion? -How did you come to that conclusion? My cousin's boyfriend's sister went out with the screenwriter. His favorite movie is the Omegaman. He's seen it 13 times... -"BRANDON! TIME TO GO!" Yes Commander... All right, you're almost there. Just go through the chompers and over the pit. -Commander, you and Lt. Madison will have to go through the crushers one at a time in three second intervals. Tell me when the first crusher hits the bottom... Okay, now. But- -Okay, now. But- Wait two seconds then go. -No, wait, are you- Lt. Madison, GO. -Lt. Madison, GO. Shit! Go! -Shit! Go! GO Commander. -Go. They're off again. Up. -Up. What? Up? -What? Up? Berithium lava coming through. Use the handholds above you. -I'm at the control oaneh. What do I do? Raise the glass and push the blue button. -Raise the glass and push the blue button. That's It? -That's It? Yeah. What's wrong? JASON ~~othIno. I -ust oncuont ot wou~o oc oomooooateo onan onat. -Structural damage at 68 percent. We're getting major structural damage. -"I just can't believe it. Any of it! Look at this room!.. They designed it based on the Tuaran Pleasure ship from ""historical document"" thirty seven. Oh and wait, wait, listen to this! Computer?" Yes? -Yes? What's the weather like outside? -What's the weather like outside? There is no weather in space. -There is no weather in space. I never get tired of that joke. -The ship is sustaining structural damage. Guys, we're sustaining structural damage!... -The enemy is matching velocity. The enemy is matching velocity. -Computer, what about our engines? Why don't we have power? The Beryllium Sphere has fractured under stress. -The Beryllium Sphere has fractured under stress. It's fractured... -Negative. The Beryllium sphere will have to be replaced. We need another one. -Negative, no reserve Beryllium sphere exists onboard. No, we don't have an extra Beryllium sphere. -Systems register functional. All systems are working, Commander. -Systems register functional. "All systems are working, Commander. ,~ -cc PINK) -' C -" -U.... What do you think? That possibly... The valence bonds have shifted bi-laterally? -That possibly... The valence bonds have shifted bi-laterally? ... What does that mean? -... What does that mean? What does that mean?!!! Yes, I see! Yes... It means that perhaps... the... bonding molecules have become covalent?!... -What does that mean?!!! Yes, I see! Yes... It means that perhaps... the... bonding molecules have become covalent?!... Covalent... Right. So... -Covalent... Right. So... So our solution is to introduce a bonding substrate! - A two molecule compound sharing a free electron - and bombard the ions with their reflective isotopes! -So our solution is to introduce a bonding substrate! - A two molecule compound sharing a free electron - and bombard the ions with their reflective isotopes! OK! -Hey Commander. Listen, we found some Beryllium on a nearby planet. We might be able to get there if we re-configure the solar matrix in parallel for endothermic propulsion. What do you think? I...Well, uh... Yes, absolutely. -A hologram... Never mind, Fred.... -Never mind, Fred.... No, no... I'll think on it... -The digital conveyer? You mean I'm going to get diced into cubes and sorted up there in a thousand pieces? Right. -Right. I'll take my chances with Gorignak. -No, I'll kill you. . Listen Fred. You did this for four years on the show. You can do it now... Put your hands on the controls.. -Fred, I worked summer stock with Hopkins. Regional theater with Hoffman. But I swear to God I have never met an actor who could hit his mark, or nail his lines with the professional consistency of a Freddy Kwan. You're Mr. Dependable... You can do this. You worked with Hopkins? I worship Hopkins. -As good as Hopkins? Hopkins can't drink your bathwater Fred. -How do you remember this stuff? "Oh I make it up. Use lots of ""k""s and ""v""s." -You Okay, Alex? I don't like this... I don't like this at all... -...The digital conveyor. Of course... We'll just zap him up with the digital conveyor! -We've got to get that valve turned off. Their oxygen Is almost gone... Listen, I'll go in, create a distraction. have this... may be able to hold them back long enough for the aliens to escape. -Listen, I'll go in, create a distraction. have this... may be able to hold them back long enough for the aliens to escape. It's suicide. -It's suicide. I'm just a glorified extra, Fred. I'm a dead man anyway. If I'm going to die, I'd rather go out a hero than a coward. -I'm just a glorified extra, Fred. I'm a dead man anyway. If I'm going to die, I'd rather go out a hero than a coward. Maybe you're the plucky comic relief, you ever think of that? -Listen, I was wondering, would you guys mind if I sit in today? See if anybody's interested in an autograph? Never know. Sure, Guy, If you can stand the excitement. -"""Crewman #6""... Call me Guy." You... know us? -THAT'S why you built this ship? It's ... incredible. -The Omega 13... Why does that sound so familiar?... The lost footage. At the convention. The mysterious device in our last episo--historical document. -Guy, you HAVE a last name. We just don't KNOW it. "Do I? DO I? For all you know I'm just ""CREWMAN #6""! Okay, it's FLEEGMAN! Guy FLEEGMAN! There! Now I'm a whole person! I can't die! FLEEGMAN! THEY CAN'T KILL ME NOW, CAN THEY? CAN THEY?" -Where are the miners? Something BAD happened here. -Oh, they're so cute. Of course they're cute NOW. But in a second they're going to turn MEAN and UGLY somehow and then there are going to be a million MORE of them!... -I am SO SICK of being right. Let's get out of here before one of those things kills guy. -How the hell is Fred supposed to project a hologram? We're doing episode 31, Jason? -...Okay All right. Put me back on with him. -They're still behind us... "We should have a turbo. I'm always saying ""activate turbo boosters"", right?..." -Guy, you're not going to get killed on the planet, okay? Oh, I'm not? I'm not? Then what's my last name? -Oh, I'm not? I'm not? Then what's my last name? Your last name. -Your last name. Yeah, what is it? -Yeah, what is it? It's... I don't know. -It's... I don't know. No. Nobody does. Do you know WHY? Because my character Isn't IMPORTANT enough for a last name. Because I'm going to DIE five minutes in, why bother to come up with a last name for me? -We're screwed... We're so screwed... All right, let's all settle down. If we're going to get through this we're going to have to exercise self control. -That's it, that's what's going to kill me. Let's just pick up the pace a little, shall we? -It doesn't have to be a hologram... Just a diversion. Jason, are we doing Episode 31 or not? -Jason, are we doing Episode 31 or not? It's a rough plan, Guy! What does it matter if we're doing episode 31 or not?! -It's a rough plan, Guy! What does it matter if we're doing episode 31 or not?! BECAUSE I DIED IN EPISODE 31! -I know... You contruct a weapon. Look around, can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?... A LATHE??? Get off the line, Guy.' -We~re oetting hammered, Jason. Return fIre? No. Keep all energy to the armor. -Hi everybody. Hey. Thanks for one nice intro... uh. -Hey. Thanks for one nice intro... uh. "Guy... You probably don't remember me do you? I was on the show in '82. Episode 31? Got killed by the lava monster before the first commercial? ""Crewman #6?""" -More to the left... Stay parallel... Hey, YOU want to drive? -"""Assault on Voltareck III."" Episode... 31 I think." We're doing episode 31? -We're doing episode 31? Whatever, the one with the hologram. The wall of fire. -They're gone. Where'd they go? Back inside? -You have no idea what a perimeter is, do you? Not a clue. You? -Not a clue. You? I think he just likes pointing at things. -We're alive! We made It. Commander, we made it.' m ALEXANDER sort ov) By Grabtnar' s h~mmer, we ove to te ono 'tale. -~e're alive! We made it. Commander, we made it.' -A few fans built a little set in their garage. . I come in for an hour at most. It's a nothing. How much of a nothing? Not enough to split five ways kind of a nothing? -How much of a nothing? Not enough to split five ways kind of a nothing? What do you want me to say, Gwen?... They wanted the Commander. -What? You smiled at me. -This isn't mine. Wait, where is that kid?... You know it's one thing to treat us this way, but how can you do this to your fans?... -It's Jason... One minute I'm - Hey, I'm dressing.' -One minute I'm - Hey, I'm dressing.' Oh come on, it's not like I haven't- -Let me try. Computer? Computer?... Only answers to me. -Only answers to me. But I'm the Commander! -But I'm the Commander! On the show I talk to the computer and repeat what it says. So that's what they built. -On the show I talk to the computer and repeat what it says. So that's what they built. C'mon, we're wanted up on the command deck. -Wait. When are you going to tell them? Tell them? About... -Tell them? About... Who we are. Don't you think they're going to be PISSED? -Who we are. Don't you think they're going to be PISSED? Are you kidding? I'm not going to tell them. -Are you kidding? I'm not going to tell them. Well you have to tell them. What if something happens? We're actors, not astronauts... We can't do this stuff! -Well you have to tell them. What if something happens? We're actors, not astronauts... We can't do this stuff! It's not the STUFF. I mean, anybody can learn the STUFF... The important thing is COMMITMNT. 99% of anything is just committing to it. -It's not the STUFF. I mean, anybody can learn the STUFF... The important thing is COMMITMNT. 99% of anything is just committing to it. Ninty-nine percent of ACTING is commitment. ACTING. Stella Adler never manned a resonance cannon, she taught ACTING... -Hey... Hey where are you going? We have no right to do this. They deserve to know. -We have no right to do this. They deserve to know. Gwen... Gwen, c'mon, wait, no! -We're leaving, Jason. We're leaving NOW. Let me think. I need time to think. -There's nobody here. Jason... Mathesar, maybe we should get some of your crew up here. -All right, now nobody panic, I've dealt with this guy before and believe me, he's as stupid as he is ugly. Jason.. -Jason.. We're going to fire everything we've got at him, all right? -We're going to fire everything we've got at him, all right? JASON... -JASON... You just keep pushing those buttons, those there, send everything at him, okay? -I made the CUT THE LINE gesture. You nodded okay.' "I thought It was the ""We're dead"" gesture! I was agreeing! Like I know where the hold button is???" -"I thought It was the ""We're dead"" gesture! I was agreeing! Like I know where the hold button is???" Listen, Sarris, you can't blame me for trying... -Maybe we can lose them in that cloud. I don't think that's a cloud... -Are they behind us? No, I don't think so... Wait. They're not but... Something is. Oh my god. -Can it be repaired? Computer, can it be repaired? -Do we have a replacement Beryllium sphere onboard? Computer, do we have a replacement Beryllium sphere onboard? -Self control? That's funny coming from the guy that slept with every Moon Princess and Terrakian slave girl on the show!... Did it ever occur to you that if you had been a little more supportive you could have held on to me? -Did it ever occur to you that if you had been a little more supportive you could have held on to me? I could have held on to YOU! ... -You're playing your good side. Don't be ridiculous. -All right... here's the plan: First, Fred, we need a diversion to clear those things out of the compound, then Gwen, Alex, Fred and I go down to get the sphere. Any of those things come back, give a signal. Guy, you set up a perimeter. Why does this sound so familiar? -How does the rolling help, actually? It helps. -Clenched jaw... Will you stop RIDING ME?! -Jason.. Can you hear me? Yes. Yes, I'm here! -Thank God. Are you okay? Yeah. But I've got Gorignak staring me in the face. I think I can take it though... -Yeah. But I've got Gorignak staring me in the face. I think I can take it though... Jason, we're going to use the digital conveyer to get you out of there. -What? What did he say? Nothing. Hold please. -Wait, the pig lizard is gone. Why are they still chanting for the pig lizard? Turn on the translation circuit. -Jason?... I don't think the pig lizard was Gorignak... What the hell are you talking about? -So... We get to shut down the neutron reactor? Right. -Right. Uh... I hate to break it to you Jason, but I don't know how to shut down a neutron reactor, and unless you took a Learning Annex course I don't know about, I'm pretty sure you don't know how to shut down a neutron reactor either. -Uh... I hate to break it to you Jason, but I don't know how to shut down a neutron reactor, and unless you took a Learning Annex course I don't know about, I'm pretty sure you don't know how to shut down a neutron reactor either. No I don't. But I know somebody who does. -There's no hatch. There's no hatch! Wait... Jason, Here!... -What IS that thing? It serves no useful purpose to have a bunch of CHOPPY CRUSHY things in the middle of a CATWALK!?.' Gwen... -Gwen... We shouldn't have to DO this! It makes NO LOGICAL SENSE! Why is it HERE? -We shouldn't have to DO this! It makes NO LOGICAL SENSE! Why is it HERE? Because it was on the show! -Because it was on the show! Well forget it! I'm not going. This episode was badly written! -He's accelerating to Mark 6. Mark 12. -never doubted you for a second. TOMMY, 270 DEGREE TURN TO PORT! -Where the hell is he? An hour and a half late. An hour and a half! This is great! They're going to start eating each other out there. -You're kidding. When for? Tomorrow morning, before the store opening. -Unbelievable. You are so full of shit -You gotta admit, they do love him. Almost as much as he loves himself. -That's it, It's go time. Don't do it, Tommy. He's not worth it. -You should have let me hit him. I don't know guys... I mean, he almost looked... sincere. I know, it's bizarre! -You know, that's really getting annoying. I have ONE job on this lousy ship. It's stupid, but I'm going to DO it. GOT IT? -I have ONE job on this lousy ship. It's stupid, but I'm going to DO it. GOT IT? Sure, no problem. -Oh my god! Tommy! Stop the pod! Stop the pod! I can't... It's on autopilot!... -We got the Sphere but the Commander's down there with a bunch of cannibals! Teb, reset the pod, we're going back. That thing's not going to get us down there fast enough. Face it, he's dead. -That thing's not going to get us down there fast enough. Face it, he's dead. "Wait, Fred, what about your thing, you know... ""Digitize me, Sergeant Chen!""" -I heard it too. Is this really the most important thing we could be talking about right now? -JASON You think you could-get any closer to those mines? Closer? I can try. -Closer? I can try. "What are you doing? What are thev doino? ~7C INT. SARRIS' SHIP h37C" -Tommy, look! Those lights... "I see them! I see them! RD STREET PASADENA 57" -First, I require the Omega 13... Second- Okey dokey, let's fire blue particle cannons full. Fire red particle cannons full. Fire gannet magnets left and right. Fire pulse catapults from all chutes. And throw this thing at him too, killer. -Yes... Hi Sarris... How are you doing? Better than my Lieutenant. He failed to activate ship's neutron armor as quickly as I'd hoped on our last encounter. -Right. Well... Listen, I'm I'm sorry about that whole... thing.. before. It was kind of a misunderstanding. I'm sure we can work this out like reasonable people... How's the uh... ... that going to heal up? God, I hope so, I feel just awful about that. Deliver the device now or I will destroy your ship. -Deliver the device now or I will destroy your ship. Listen, I'd like to, but frankly.. I'm not even sure where it is, or even... -Listen, I'd like to, but frankly.. I'm not even sure where it is, or even... You have ten seconds. -You have ten seconds. All right. You got it. You win. I'll deliver it now. Just give me a moment to set it up. -Yes. Then tell me one thing... What does it do, the device? The Omega 13. -Then tell me one thing... What does it do, the device? The Omega 13. I don't know. -Is it a bomb? A booby trap? Tell me! Stop, please! I don't know! -Stop, please! I don't know! Prepare a tear harness for the female... -Prepare a tear harness for the female... No! I swear I don't know! Please! -No! I swear I don't know! Please! Do you think I'm a fool? That the Commander does not know every bolt, every weld of his ship? -Wait. What did you say? Please, don't hurt them, it's not their fault. I'm not the Commander, I don't know anything. -Explain - Gwen. The show. There's no choice. Do it. -My name is Jason Nesmith. I'm an actor. We're all actors. Our dimwitted friends don't understand the concept of acting. They have no theater, no imagination these scientists. -Our dimwitted friends don't understand the concept of acting. They have no theater, no imagination these scientists. We pretend... -We pretend... Simpler. -Simpler. We.. We lie. -We.. We lie. Yes... You understand THAT, don't you, Mathesar?... -Accelerate to Mark 4, Tommy. This is embarrassing, really. I shan't tell this story when I return home. -Commander, I must speak to you. It is a matter of supreme importance... We are Thermians from the Klatu Nebula, and we require your help. I beseech you to come with us, back to our ship. A great many lives hang in the balance... Right, If this is about the thing tomorrow you can hammer out the details with my agent, but make sure I have a limo from my house, they jammed me into a Toyota the last time I did one of these -Right, If this is about the thing tomorrow you can hammer out the details with my agent, but make sure I have a limo from my house, they jammed me into a Toyota the last time I did one of these I... certainly, but- -I... certainly, but- Catch me later, okay? -Sir, I understand this is a terrible breach of protocol, but please, I beg you to hear our plea. We are Thermians from the Klatu Nebula. Our people are being systematically hunted and slaughtered by Roth'h'ar Sarris of Fatu-Krey. Sarris wants the Omega 13. We are to meet in negotiation. However our past efforts in this regard have been nothing short of disastrous. The flames, the death... Please Captain, you are our last hope. We have secured a limousine. Oh, right! The thing with the thing. Come on in, I'll get some pants on. -Commander... Welcome to the Protector II. Would you like to don your uniform? Mind If we skip that? I have to get back pretty quick for this thing in Van Nuys. -Mind If we skip that? I have to get back pretty quick for this thing in Van Nuys. As you wish. -Commander?... Where are you... going? Home. -Home. You... You mean Earth? -You... You mean Earth? "Yeah. ""Earth."" Time to get back to ""Earth,"" kids." -But Commander... The negotiation... You... You... You fired on him. Right. Long live... What's your planet? -Right. Long live... What's your planet? Theramin. -Theramin. Long live Theramini. Take a left here? -Long live Theramini. Take a left here? But what if Sarris survives? -But what if Sarris survives? Oh, I don't think so. I gave him both barrels. -Oh, I don't think so. I gave him both barrels. He has a very powerful ship. Perhaps you would like to wait to see the results of- -He has a very powerful ship. Perhaps you would like to wait to see the results of- I would but I am REALLY running late and the 134's a parking lot after 2:00. But listen, the guy gives you any more trouble, just give a call... -An interstellar vox. Thanks -How can we thank you, Commander. You- You have saved our people. It was a lot of fun. You kids are great. -Weapons storage... It's perfectly safe. I promise. -It's perfectly safe. I promise. ... Maintenance facility... -To our brave guests. Few in this universe have the opportunity to meet their heroes. We are blessed to count ourselves among them. Wherever a distress signal sounds among the stars, we'll be there, this fine ship, this fine crew. Never give up, never surrender! -Mathesar?. .. Has Sarris seen the.. historical records? NO, Thank God he has not. -NO, Thank God he has not. Then how did he find out about the device? -Then how did he find out about the device? Our former Commander was not... Strong. -Our former Commander was not... Strong. Former Commander? -Former Commander? I'm sorry. You deserve to be shown. -Commander... Mathesar, I need you to prepare pods for my crew. -Mathesar? What is that? It's the Tothian mine field left standing from the Great War of 12185. -A thousand apologies. We have failed you. You what?.. What are you talking about? -You what?.. What are you talking about? We have seen you victorious in many more desperate situations. The fault must lie with us, with the ship... -"""Deception..."" ""Lies.""" Well... Sort of... -Well... Sort of... We have become aware of these concepts only recently. In our dealings with Sarris. Often Sarris will say one thing, and do another. Promise us mercy and deliver destruction... It is a concept we are beginning to learn at some great cost. But if you are saying that any of you could have traits in common with Sarris. -I'm not a Commander, there is no National Space Exploration Administration. There is no snip. But there it is!... -But there it is!... A model, only as big as this. -A model, only as big as this. But... Inside, I have seen- -But... Inside, I have seen- Sections of rooms made of plywood. Our Beryllium Sphere was painted wire and plaster. The digital conveyor was Christmas lights... Decorations. It's all a fake. I'm not him... I'm a nothing. A nobody. -Sections of rooms made of plywood. Our Beryllium Sphere was painted wire and plaster. The digital conveyor was Christmas lights... Decorations. It's all a fake. I'm not him... I'm a nothing. A nobody. But...Why? -But...Why? It's difficult to... On our planet we pretend in order to... entertain. -The ship is a model... As big as this!... A very clever deception indeed! He oan't oontaln hIs lauchter. A belle-----TOMMY Set a course for home, lommander? You can oc that? -You said we do appearances together, or not at all.' "I didn't say that. I said ""wouldn't it be great if we could always, work together."" That's what I said." -... to make sure craft service keeps those little butter cookies, and plenty of them- And determination. -That's right... Just keep shaking it out... Here, have some gum, It helps. Wh... Where are we? -Wh... Where are we? Twenty third quadrant of gamma sector. I can show you on a map. -What's going on? I think we're going to exit the space port. -Excuse me? They designed the ship from watching you. So... Take her out, Lieutenant... -Well, it's... This was a device we... discovered on an alien planet. We don't know what it does either. Why don't you just turn it on and see? -Where? Just GO! GO! DAMMIT PUNCH GO! -Faster Tommy. Get us out of here! It's as far as it goes! -Could be this. Push It. Hold it down. -Do your best, Tommy... Oh god... -All right, Gwen, Alex, Fred, follow me. Guy, set up the perimeter. Tommy, you keep a lookout, make a signal if they come back. What kind of signal? -What kind of signal? Anything. -Anything. "Okay, I'll do this... ""Caw Caw!""" -"Okay, I'll do this... ""Caw Caw!""" Tommy, we have these... -Oh, right, sorry. Okay, let's go. -Sorry Guys... It just went off. Good work, Tommy. Let's go! -Okay... On what? How about the pig-lizard? -How about the pig-lizard? Hey I was doing okay with the pig lizard. -Go for the eyes. Like in episode 22 with- It doesn't have eyes. -It doesn't have eyes. The throat, the mouth... Its vulnerable spots. -The throat, the mouth... Its vulnerable spots. It's a ROCK. It doesn't HAVE vulnerable spots! -NO NO NO. We've got to get out of here. C'mon, hurry -All right guys... Uh... Gwen and I are going to have to get to the core and shut it down manually. Fred, you and Guy need to get that air valve back on. Alex, see if you can get the prison doors open downstairs in case Fred and Guy can't get the oxygen back in time. Jason? What about me? What do I do? -Jason? What about me? What do I do? Practice driving, Tommy. -Pedal to the metal Tommy... Pedal to the metal... -Let's do it, Tommy. Commander?... Call me Laredo? -Commander?... Call me Laredo? Mark 20 Into the black hole, areao. -Hold course, Laredo! I'm trying Commander... Everything's a blur, but as long as I stay locked to that vox signal... -Continue forward, sir? Patience, Lt. . Patience. -Lieutenant Lathe, I confess I am beginning to feel a bit foolish myself. Chasing across the universe to obtain what is, I am now certain, a bauble of fiction. Tell me how best to obliterate this vessel? I would like nothing to remain. The core could be hardwired to overload without much effort. -Find them. But sir, my MEN. The core implosion is not reversible... -But sir, my MEN. The core implosion is not reversible... Find them. -enerao, I've host them. The maanetlsm o: the field Is disrupting our onstru- ~ait. There they are Get oacK on their tail. -WHAT? WH Because they're coming right at us. -Because they're coming right at us. Fire at will. hI~D NT. PROTECTOR -Some say that Hessians are invincible. They always say that. -Well, now there's something worth dying for. What do you think? Hmmm... she's beneath me, I'm afraid. -Hmmm... she's beneath me, I'm afraid. I wish she was beneath me. -Unfortunately, I'll never get the chance. I'm leaving in an hour for Congress to scream like a violated virgin about my promotion. Wasting my time, naturally... Look at her teasing those bumpkins. What does she see in them? -I'm accused of using some government wagons to ship personal property. Congress has been using our supply wagons for years to ship their black market goods -- probably their whores! -We've got to attack the British! Now! Have they put you in charge yet? Do we have an army yet? What is happening? Patience, Colonel Arnold. Active personalities terrify these men. But, congratulations on your victory at Ticonderoga... -I capture Quebec leading an Army by river fordings through Maine... If we don't do it, the British will come down Champlain, take back Ticonderoga and attack us in the spring. You'd have to travel hundreds of miles through the wilderness. -You'd have to travel hundreds of miles through the wilderness. Over three hundred miles. -Over three hundred miles. You seem pleased by the prospect. -You seem pleased by the prospect. Exceedingly. Besides, if I had half the wagons that were used to lug the rum to Philadelphia for this congress, I could move a whole army to the moon! -What's your frank estimation of the British? Well, you fought with them against the French and Iroquois, how good were they then? -Well, you fought with them against the French and Iroquois, how good were they then? They died well. Otherwise, they didn't do much right. But if we have war, the British will surely send their best troops: right now they have no other enemies. -They died well. Otherwise, they didn't do much right. But if we have war, the British will surely send their best troops: right now they have no other enemies. And a French alliance? -And a French alliance? Ben Franklin's going to Paris, but I think the French will be long on talk and short on guns. Our troops are mobs, they won't take orders, have no equipment... could they beat the British? -Ben Franklin's going to Paris, but I think the French will be long on talk and short on guns. Our troops are mobs, they won't take orders, have no equipment... could they beat the British? It comes down to leaders. If our leaders are ordinary men who truly believe; if they go into the forests with the troops, eat what they eat, fight with them, perhaps to die? The most common soldier will defy your most depressing expectation. -Arnold! I've come to report that we've had a bit of luck! -Damn-it! You've given us a whole new season, Benedict! And Congress thinks that the British are going to ride right over us come spring. Now half their army is back in Canada. Congress has picked up it's skirts and is racing for Baltimore. They're not waiting for spring! Of course, they still had time to deny my promotion. Even John Adams voted against it... -Congress has picked up it's skirts and is racing for Baltimore. They're not waiting for spring! Of course, they still had time to deny my promotion. Even John Adams voted against it... Why in hell would John do that? Why in hell would any of them do that? After all you've done, it's unbelievable! -Why in hell would John do that? Why in hell would any of them do that? After all you've done, it's unbelievable! Oh, they have reasons... there's a lot of confusion these days. -Oh, they have reasons... there's a lot of confusion these days. They don't trust me, that's the truth isn't it? Sam Adams never did. -They don't trust me, that's the truth isn't it? Sam Adams never did. But trust you to do what? One side in Congress wants compromise; another glorious battle; some surrender -- some, of course, just want power and money. But if you don't mind my asking, George, what are your plans? -We're in bad shape, Benedict, moral is low. Before I can do anything, I need Lee and his seven thousand troops. I've ordered him to join us three times. In my last letter I all but begged him to come here. The man is insubordinate. The man's waiting for you to get wiped off the stage so he can become commander and chief. -Go on... I want to hear everything. Congress is talking -- openly -- about replacing you with Lee. -Congress is talking -- openly -- about replacing you with Lee. Is that a fact. -Is that a fact. It is. -What do you think, George, shall I resign? It's what they want. Don't do anything rash, please, Benedict. -The army needs you. The army can survive without me. -The army can survive without me. Then, I need you. We all do. Without your victory the men would have no hope at all. -Then, I need you. We all do. Without your victory the men would have no hope at all. Someday, George, you may need to act for the good of the people no matter what Congress thinks that is. It may come down to us, or them someday. You or them. Cicero was right: was is 'a time when the laws are silent'. -Someday, George, you may need to act for the good of the people no matter what Congress thinks that is. It may come down to us, or them someday. You or them. Cicero was right: was is 'a time when the laws are silent'. I hope I never have to believe that. -I hope I never have to believe that. Christ, George, Joseph Reed's been writing letters back to Congress attacking you. Your own aide! -After visiting Congress I know what it's like being violated by come disproportionate asses! Ah, if she only knew that the most important men in the country -- possibly the world -- are sitting at this table... We're so damned important! Look at us -- Nathanael, you were a horse- shoer, Benedict, before this? -We're so damned important! Look at us -- Nathanael, you were a horse- shoer, Benedict, before this? Well, truth be told? I was a pharmacist. Alexander? -Well, George, who were you? I? You all know my history. -Our plan is to hit them as they leave. While they're strung out? -While they're strung out? Exactly. We'd attack the baggage wagons and the rear guard. It would cause the line to buckle. Then we hit the center with our main force and cut them in half. -They're ready. Believe me, the ones that stayed on here at Valley Forge are ready for anything. Of course, we get nothing from Congress. They need boots, coats... we desperately need food. Same old story. -There was this anonymous pamphlet circulated at Congress which says I am personally responsible for all our hardships. And... that I have encouraged the people of America to make me into a God! Benedict, it says that I have gone mad! That can't be. -That can't be. There's this whispering campaign against me ever since Gates won at Saratoga. -There's this whispering campaign against me ever since Gates won at Saratoga. Gates? He used my battle plan and I humbly submit that without me he'd still be back at Saratoga waiting for the British to attack. George, why haven't you moved into the Potts' house back at the creek? Much more befitting of a Commander and Chief than your field tent. And... you could entertain. I think you need to entertain more. Seriously! Get a few New Jersey whores up here, invite some Congressmen... couldn't hurt. -Gates? He used my battle plan and I humbly submit that without me he'd still be back at Saratoga waiting for the British to attack. George, why haven't you moved into the Potts' house back at the creek? Much more befitting of a Commander and Chief than your field tent. And... you could entertain. I think you need to entertain more. Seriously! Get a few New Jersey whores up here, invite some Congressmen... couldn't hurt. As soon as the men have good shelters I'll move. Perhaps Martha will join me this winter. -As soon as the men have good shelters I'll move. Perhaps Martha will join me this winter. There, then, you can have sort of a normal life. -Have you heard? The British are negotiating to make a trade for General Lee. I'm sure his dogs will be overjoyed. -I'm sure his dogs will be overjoyed. The point being: he's also a candidate for my job. If we can pull this off, maybe I can restore their faith in me. -That scum Joseph Reed... they're calling him the 'King of Pennsylvania'. The man's a budding Cromwell. He condemns rich Tories to death and then 'appropriates' their property for himself. Naturally, the pig hates me for every Tory I've saved. Couldn't you have appealed to Congress? -They love Reed and his inquisition! I think they hope to share in his disgusting profits! It's becoming the American way! You go too far, Benedict. -These men were taken from their homes at night, tried by Reed's courts -- which Congress recognizes -- and, well, you can see. Cut those men down. Congress is pushing ahead with your court-martial. Benedict, trust me to handle this. -Colonel, sir, Mrs. Washington inquires if you are going to join her for dinner? Tell Mrs. Washington I am compelled to stay a while longer. -You, you just need a new flint, General. You are never, never to touch my guns! Do you understand!? -You are never, never to touch my guns! Do you understand!? Yes, General. But if you have to shoot somebody, you can't. -Yes, General. But if you have to shoot somebody, you can't. None of the servants is to touch a gun! You know that! -None of the servants is to touch a gun! You know that! Well... I misunderstood, then. -Misunderstood what!? A lot of years have gone by. -A lot of years have gone by. What? What are you talking about? -What? What are you talking about? That you would have known you can trust me. -Me? You apologizing to me? Yes, William. I am apologizing. -Wil... Yes, general? -Yes, general? You've served me loyally, year after year, without complaining. I've thought hard about you this past winter. I want to free you, Wil. I want to give you your freedom, after this battle is fought. -You've served me loyally, year after year, without complaining. I've thought hard about you this past winter. I want to free you, Wil. I want to give you your freedom, after this battle is fought. Yes, general. -Yes, general. Wil, I'm giving you your freedom. Do you understand? -Wil, I'm giving you your freedom. Do you understand? No. I guess. -No. I guess. You'd have money every year, so you wouldn't have to work. You can stay at Mount Vernon as long as you want... -Wil, I want to remind you of a conversation we started just before Monmouth... I ain't forgot about the freedom. -Well, what have you thought? Well, general, I think I ain't got no school learning, I ain't got no trade... and I'm a drunk. So, I think there ain't much left to be set free. -No uniforms. No coats, even? In this weather? No, my lord. -No, my lord. What sort of boots would you say he's wearing? I should say, no sort of boots at all. Aren't those rags wrapped around his feet? Is that what he marched here in? -What sort of boots would you say he's wearing? I should say, no sort of boots at all. Aren't those rags wrapped around his feet? Is that what he marched here in? Yes, my lord. -Yes, my lord. And, is that a pitchfork beside him? -And, is that a pitchfork beside him? Many of them, many did not possess proper arms. My lord. -Negroes? Washington has black men in his army? Are they good fighters? What's that red ribbon on his arm, Colonel? Because they have hardly any uniforms, they designate officers with colored ribbons. My lord. -Because they have hardly any uniforms, they designate officers with colored ribbons. My lord. By red, what rank would you say this black, officer, soldier is, Colonel? -By red, what rank would you say this black, officer, soldier is, Colonel? I, don't know what color is what officer, my lord... -General Lee, welcome back. I'm happy you've decided to join us. More than that, sir... my orders from Congress. -I am to take command of Major General Lafayette's division and lead the attack. Lafayette will not be happy... -What the goddamned hell do you think you are doing!? The British! These men cannot stand against them! -The British! These men cannot stand against them! What do you know about these men!? They can stand against anything! They've seen more war than most field generals! They are not cowards, sir! They are not afraid! -Who is that!? That's Greene. He's supporting our reconsolidation. -That's Greene. He's supporting our reconsolidation. Marquis! Get these men reformed, send Steuben and Wayne out on the left... -Captain Alexander Hamilton, sir! Hamilton, you're going to have to cover our asses as we cross. -Hamilton, you're going to have to cover our asses as we cross. We've got powder but no ball! -We've got powder but no ball! Then use rocks! -How old are you, Captain? I'll be twenty next year, sir. -I'll be twenty next year, sir. I'll expect you for dinner this evening, Captain Hamilton. For Christ's sake, have a bath. -I'll expect you for dinner this evening, Captain Hamilton. For Christ's sake, have a bath. Delighted, sir. -Excuse me, General, but may I ask how do you feel? No one wants to turn the table on the enemy more than I. But if victory is remote and there's any hope for a negotiated peace, we must keep this army intact. -No one wants to turn the table on the enemy more than I. But if victory is remote and there's any hope for a negotiated peace, we must keep this army intact. Therefore, retreat. -I'm so inclined. Well, sir, then is it possible you called us all here just to hear what you wanted to hear. -General Washington, is there actually going to be a compromise, I mean, a 'deal' with England? And is that the most horrible thing in the world? -Captain, I want you to know that I respect your openness. It would make me happy if you'd join our table for dinner from now on. With pleasure... and an honor. Did you hear about Nathan Hale? -With pleasure... and an honor. Did you hear about Nathan Hale? That young school teacher... I heard the British hung him as a spy. -That young school teacher... I heard the British hung him as a spy. "But it's what he said, just before they killed him: ""I regret that I have but one life to give to my country.""" -They're among the best divisions the British have. No conscripts, no impressed recruits, just professional killers. It's a wonder they find the British cause worth dying for. -I was a clerk's apprentice on Saint Croix. But, then I went to King's College. To learn to shoot cannon? -Are you going to keep him, sir? We better, Congress invented him. -It's impossible to stop these men deserting in winter, you might as well stop geese from migrating. They go back home to keep their families alive, stay into the spring to plant. Then, they start coming back to us. -What are we going to do? Get the body of our army up to Greene's vanguard as fast as we can. All the damned fool has to do is hit the British rearguard and then hold for us. -General Greene is here. There are two other divisions here. Colonel Hamilton. Anyone who served under Arnold, I want them shipped north. I don't want any troops here who served under Arnold. -Yessir. Did you know that Arnold left the entire defenses of this fort in complete disrepair? Most of our cannons are so neglected they may as well have been spiked!? You realize what would happen if this fort fell? The whole Hudson would be open to them! -Sir, I think no such thing. Don't lie to me, Hamilton! If I had not court-martialed Arnold... -Don't lie to me, Hamilton! If I had not court-martialed Arnold... Sir, Arnold is a traitor. -Sir, Arnold is a traitor. I must tell you sir you treat me with disrespect! -I must tell you sir you treat me with disrespect! I am not conscious of it, sir! But since you have thought it necessary to tell me so, we part! -What is this? Congress has informed the army that it is bankrupt and cannot pay the soldiers pensions. -This is a declaration of insurrection! Who wrote this!? No one knows... -George, remember that night when we were drinking with Arnold? To hell with Arnold... -To hell with Arnold... He warned you some day you might have to act for the good of the people -- even if it was against Congress. George, the time has come for you to declare yourself king of America. Listen to me, the whole army would rise up as one and place you on a throne! George, you must declare yourself with us or against us. -He warned you some day you might have to act for the good of the people -- even if it was against Congress. George, the time has come for you to declare yourself king of America. Listen to me, the whole army would rise up as one and place you on a throne! George, you must declare yourself with us or against us. Is this a coup? Alexander, are you trying to tell me that I might be assassinated if I don't agree? -What's your advice, Alexander? March on Philadelphia! Get Joseph Reed, and the pigs in Congress, the speculators, who've grown fat off the war! Get them all! Sweep them aside! -I want to address the officers, all the officers. Next Friday. Can we arrange it at the mess? Yes, I believe so. -Yes, I believe so. Well, if it's my last order, then I order them to be there! Tell them I will give them my decision then. -Have you decided if you are going to join the Virginia Delegation to the Constitutional Convention? I'm not sure. -I'm not sure. George, you're the only man the people trust... trust with power. They know you won't betray them. -George, you're the only man the people trust... trust with power. They know you won't betray them. But it's more than just that, am I right? -That's why the people trust you George. Without someone at the convention, who has the people behind him, everything will fail. Will you do it? You're asking me to be president of a republic, not king? Not a dictator over subjects? -Horatio! Horatio Gates, of course you know John Adams of the Massachusetts Delegation. Good day, Mister Adams... George, what's the word from Boston? -Good day, Mister Adams... George, what's the word from Boston? The last I heard, a bunch of drunken militia have dug in on Breed's hill. With one stroke the British could cut them off and apparently their leaders are too dumb to see it. -The last I heard, a bunch of drunken militia have dug in on Breed's hill. With one stroke the British could cut them off and apparently their leaders are too dumb to see it. Who's in command out there? -Who's in command out there? Who the hell knows? Everyone's giving orders. It's all very democratic. -Who the hell knows? Everyone's giving orders. It's all very democratic. George, we've got to get you out there before we lose our whole army. -Well, John Adams, your cousin has a marvelous gift. Yes, an astonishing power over weak minds. -With your support, Horatio. As one of our own who has seen combat with the British, your opinion counts. As does your ability, Horatio. We must talk further, when it's more convenient. -You won't be needing his largess, Rhode Island is already committed to your appointment. I don't know: delivering men and delivering men with their goodwill are two different things. And, if he's popular with his men... -Colonel Charles Lee... Hounds and all. Quite the character. He's got a tremendous reputation. I think many would like to see him commander-in-chief. -If he supports the British why is it that every time he gets near them he kills so many of them? Unlike General Lee... who you and Congress backed for second in command and who is a goddamned incompetent! Lafayette is a child! -Lafayette is a child! Lafayette is my friend! He believes in glory and truth and the freedom of all mankind; so, of course he's a child. But he would have died before he would have let me down. -George, I'm sorry. We all know the army will acquit Arnold... Of course the army will acquit him, that's not the point... Arnold is a man and will understand. What I need to understand is, John, Sam... what is happening here? Who are those people in there? The fat ones in silk? -Of course the army will acquit him, that's not the point... Arnold is a man and will understand. What I need to understand is, John, Sam... what is happening here? Who are those people in there? The fat ones in silk? They are... friends of Congress. -They are... friends of Congress. Is that where our meat and boots and uniforms and muskets went? -Washington is perfect. He's a Southerner, he's a war hero and he's rich! He's from Virginia -- there is no more classist, elitist... English place on earth than Virginia. And, what in hell has he done for our cause? Washington has been preaching compromise, compromise, compromise! Hancock acts, he led the Boston Tea party! That's why New England loves him. -He's from Virginia -- there is no more classist, elitist... English place on earth than Virginia. And, what in hell has he done for our cause? Washington has been preaching compromise, compromise, compromise! Hancock acts, he led the Boston Tea party! That's why New England loves him. Hancock led the Boston 'tea party' because he's a goddamned tea smuggler! He wasn't protesting inequality, he was eliminating competition. Now, you listen to me: we need to get a Southerner elected commander-in-chief, or the south will not fight! What have we been struggling for all these years? For this moment! And, if we fail now, remember: you stopped us! -Let's not over do it... "I tell you every damned place I go the man is adored! ""General Washington! Champion of Trenton! Savior of the Republic!"" And you should hear the way people are deprecating Congress!" -"I tell you every damned place I go the man is adored! ""General Washington! Champion of Trenton! Savior of the Republic!"" And you should hear the way people are deprecating Congress!" Makes you gag. -Makes you gag. Gag on your own invention, then. -Gag on your own invention, then. Oh, come now... -Oh, come now... You invented this, this... -You think that? He has the soul of an aristocrat who'd like nothing more than to become a king in the minds of the people! -No one wants another failure right now, God knows. But people like Arnold and, God knows, I'm having my fears about General Washington. Finally!? It's people like these who, as soon as they get a little power, want more and more. More ale, here! -Finally!? It's people like these who, as soon as they get a little power, want more and more. More ale, here! Again, just to touch on a touchy subject, but... would the people accept another leader over Washington? -Partially... It's the political 'cost of doing business', George. -I doubt Arnold will be afraid. If he isn't, then he's stupid. -Did God ever make such a pitiful army? These men have suffered but I believe they will fight. -No officer is going to get these men to fight! They had the life crushed out of them on Long Island. At the most, perhaps we could make a feint at an outpost, then retire to protect Congress. I hear General Lee is holding seven thousand fresh infantry back in New York -- why won't he come on!? -I hear General Lee is holding seven thousand fresh infantry back in New York -- why won't he come on!? General Lee is detained captain... -General Lee is detained captain... Detained by what? -Detained by what? The British army, sir! -The British army, sir! The British Army is right back there, across that river! Sir! I think it must be something else that detains General Lee. -Congress is bitterly opposed to allowing Negroes in the army! We already have black soldiers in our army... -We already have black soldiers in our army... Unofficially, General Greene. -Unofficially, General Greene. What's the difference? -Any word from Canada? Spies from Quebec confirm that the British are sending an entire fleet down Lake Champlain... -Spies from Quebec confirm that the British are sending an entire fleet down Lake Champlain... A fleet? -My God... They mean to finish us. What about Arnold? He's up there. What can he do? The British have massive superiority. -If we have any hope for a compromise or truce with England now, we have to hold on here: our men must believe they can win -- the British must believe that somehow, in some mad, impossible way we might actually be able to hurt them. I understand, George. -Colonel Reed... George! So good to be back! -That damned Arnold is here, isn't he? Did you know he lost all his ships? Outrageous and completely unacceptable. Joseph, the British spent thousands of pounds and precious months putting together a fleet that Arnold stopped by sacrificing a heap of old barges. In my opinion he saved my army. -Joseph, the British spent thousands of pounds and precious months putting together a fleet that Arnold stopped by sacrificing a heap of old barges. In my opinion he saved my army. Well, George, Congress just passed a resolution censuring Arnold for destruction of government property. I wouldn't cast my fate with that man. -A grand scheme? A ground swell-Christian movement, George, you see? -A ground swell-Christian movement, George, you see? No. As a matter of fact I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. -No. As a matter of fact I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. To assert the rights of our founding fathers! This country was colonized by Christians! This shall become a Christian revolution. Surely as a good Christian you understand that! -What do you mean you're not a Christian? Of course you're a Christian, we're all Christians... I mean, I'm a Deist. A belief I share with the likes of Tom Jefferson and Ben Franklin. Surely you knew that. -I mean, I'm a Deist. A belief I share with the likes of Tom Jefferson and Ben Franklin. Surely you knew that. No, I did not. Really? Well, what the hell is a deist, precisely? -But the Hessians are there! No one can beat them! That's why Cornwallis stationed them there! They have the post of honor! They are invincible! They are also very religious. So, we will attack them three days from now, on Christmas. One force under me, and another to the south under Colonel Cadwalader... -They are also very religious. So, we will attack them three days from now, on Christmas. One force under me, and another to the south under Colonel Cadwalader... George, I'm afraid if you go through with this madness I must tender my resignation as your aide. I see where we're headed, you're putting your trust in the likes of Hamilton and Arnold... -George, I'm afraid if you go through with this madness I must tender my resignation as your aide. I see where we're headed, you're putting your trust in the likes of Hamilton and Arnold... How many generals do we have like Arnold? He's got guts -- he's vain, and he fights! -How many generals do we have like Arnold? He's got guts -- he's vain, and he fights! And, Hamilton? Greene? -And, Hamilton? Greene? They help me understand why we fight. -They help me understand why we fight. Understand? You need to be listening to people like John Adams, and to keep the best interest of the country first in your mind! -Understand? You need to be listening to people like John Adams, and to keep the best interest of the country first in your mind! Joseph, are you afraid to cross that river with me? I accept your resignation. With regret. You have leave to return to Philadelphia... -Gentlemen, let me get to the point, I can't see the wisdom of pursuing this old court-martial against General Arnold. The man is a traitor! -The man is a traitor! How can you say that? -Arnold is indispensable, do you understand? I need Arnold to help me win this war! Well, I shall deny him to you! He is evil on earth! -Well, I shall deny him to you! He is evil on earth! Are you all going insane!? Benedict Arnold! The man who stopped the British on Lake Champlain! Who carried the day at Saratoga! Goddamn-it, Joseph, you own two mansions, ride in an expensive, Tory coach! You are all nothing but a pack of greedy pigs! -However, through my relations with members of his majesty's court, I am a representative of the French government whose deepest desire is to be one people, united with our American brothers in arms to defeat the rapacious armies of King George of England. Vive la France! Vive l'Amerique! We have more officers created by Congress than we know what to do with. -We have more officers created by Congress than we know what to do with. But, general, I assure you my motives are sincere. -Sir, please accept my commission from Congress... and... You must see this portrait of my beautiful wife, Adrienne, we had the most perfect little baby girl just before I left. Her name is Henriette... What I want to know is sir: where is your daddy? -Gentlemen, my I introduce a French gentleman, recently appointed major general by Congress... Marie Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette. General Lafayette has brought us the greetings and goodwill of his countrymen, and... how many cases of muskets, Mon petite Marquis? Uh... none just now, but... -'Continentals', Congress' paper money. It was worthless to start with, but as you see, counter feiters have made them even less than worthless. Can you tell which one is fake? I... they look both the same. -I... they look both the same. The one with 'Philadelphia' spelled correctly is the counterfeit. -No, please; an advance on your salary. Mon General, I have come here to learn and to give, not to take. I am serving without salary. -Mon General, I have come here to learn and to give, not to take. I am serving without salary. You must be very rich. -You must be very rich. I am. Then, I understand you too serve without salary. You know, since your charming little victories at Trenton and Princeton, the French court is softening. I expect any time now a ship load of supplies... -I am. Then, I understand you too serve without salary. You know, since your charming little victories at Trenton and Princeton, the French court is softening. I expect any time now a ship load of supplies... 'Charming little victories?' Please don't expect much more of us, Monsieur. -'Charming little victories?' Please don't expect much more of us, Monsieur. I only meant... -I only meant... These supplies...? -These supplies...? Muskets and uniforms and Bayonets. -Muskets and uniforms and Bayonets. And how rusty are these muskets? -And how rusty are these muskets? Sir, these are our finest firearms from the armory at Charleville! They are a gift from the people of France! -Well, we will accept these charming little gifts. When we see them. Meanwhile, please, take your pick of a horse. I rode here, on my horse. -I rode here, on my horse. Chose another. Any general worth anything should have a brace of horses. -Because, if the British got off their asses and came up here, now, we would be smashed. And the revolution would be finished. Tell King Louis, it's that bad. Yes, I will write him and tell his ministers and the court. -Like flowers after the snow melts. When the snow melts, mon petite Marquis, I suspect the only thing blossoming will be bright red British soldiers. -What is it, Marquis? My baby daughter has died... my baby... mon petite Henriette... -My God! Who ordered this retreat?! General Lee, sir! -General Lee, sir! Get these men back in line! -I feel the same, sir. I will continue with our French allies, concentrating on New York. -It's another demonstration against the king. This is the wildest yet. My God, these people mean to go to war! They really mean it. -My God, these people mean to go to war! They really mean it. Surely you knew this was coming. -Surely you knew this was coming. War? No! I did not! When you said compromise was possible I believed it was probable. There's no middle ground at all? We're the King's children! -Our beloved father, the King, also refuses to bend. But to go to war over trade, over money? Surely there's still time for a compromise. -But to go to war over trade, over money? Surely there's still time for a compromise. Of course, if it were that simple. These people? They're after something else... -Of course, if it were that simple. These people? They're after something else... My God, what? -My God, what? The eternal dream of the disenfranchised, my dear: a classless world. Not a very real expectation. -Well, a very real expectation is the British will hang you! They'll burn Mount Vernon and they'll hang you! Our marriage is a business just as surely as... I'm very aware of that. -I'm very aware of that. I can not allow the fortune in slaves my first husband created and what our partnership has elevated, to be destroyed... -I can not allow the fortune in slaves my first husband created and what our partnership has elevated, to be destroyed... Don't be ridiculous, of course that won't happen. -Don't be ridiculous, of course that won't happen. Have you been reading what Minister Jefferson has to say? If he had his way, all our slaves would be freed no matter what the outcome. And that would destroy us as surely as a British victory. -The day Tom Jefferson frees a slave I'll ride naked through the streets of Williamsburg on a mule. Tom Jefferson is one of those people who talks big and acts small. The only man out there who really does what he says is Sam Adams and everyone thinks he's crazy. Believe me, this 'disturbance' isn't going to last long. You have to understand, congress is a chicken coop full of foxes, Martha, each and every one has his eye on a nice, fat prize. And, what 'prize' do you see? What could we possible gain? -And, what 'prize' do you see? What could we possible gain? Everything. If we force Britain into concessions it will open up the western lands -- and that would be a boon for our family. We already have more slaves than we need, but we need more land. -But, as usual, it will not go well for... them. Martha, you must trust me. You're no fool, George. You never have been. -"""Liberty, Virtue, Country""... That's from Cato... you know, that play about the noble Romans? As I was riding up to Philadelphia, I found myself thinking about the old days..." When you lived with the Fairfaxes? -When you lived with the Fairfaxes? When I was a young man we used to recite Cato... We would come together recite it like they were words from heaven. Devotion to country, duty, purity of heart... Purity of heart. I was drunk on something then... -When I was a young man we used to recite Cato... We would come together recite it like they were words from heaven. Devotion to country, duty, purity of heart... Purity of heart. I was drunk on something then... That's when Sally Fairfax was tutoring you... -That's right... And have you heard anything from our dear friend, Sally? What with all the rumors getting back to England. I thought she might inquire after us. But then I believe she always looked down on us. -Did you know that Jefferson has proposed a law in Virginia aiming at an absolute separation of state from the church? I think I heard that. -I think I heard that. It's an anti-Christian dogma! I cannot believe you are so calm about it! -It's an anti-Christian dogma! I cannot believe you are so calm about it! What else? From Virginia? -What else? From Virginia? Well, I wouldn't want to trouble you with this now. -Martha... what? Virginia is outraged with your order allowing Negroes to fight in the army. There's a deep feeling of hurt and betrayal. They wanted you commander because they expected you would look out for our interests. -Virginia is outraged with your order allowing Negroes to fight in the army. There's a deep feeling of hurt and betrayal. They wanted you commander because they expected you would look out for our interests. To win this war I need an army. -To win this war I need an army. Oh, indeed? You know very well people are frightened of arming the Negroes! They beg you to consider the future. What good is a revolution if it overturns those things we cherish!? -Oh, indeed? You know very well people are frightened of arming the Negroes! They beg you to consider the future. What good is a revolution if it overturns those things we cherish!? What's the point of a revolution if it doesn't? -What's the point of a revolution if it doesn't? Some things must never change. -Some things must never change. Is that why you come in here tossing pennies to my starving men? It's damned condescending! -Is that why you come in here tossing pennies to my starving men? It's damned condescending! Don't condescend to me! We have both of us prospered from the arrangements of our kind... -Don't condescend to me! We have both of us prospered from the arrangements of our kind... Our 'kind'? What is that supposed to mean? These men are all I have left and they stay because they will fight! They desire it! They seek it! Of course Virginia is terrified! For my soldiers this is a war to obliterate the 'upper class' from the face of the earth! Should I tell them all to go home because if they win it will ruin me!? It is impossible for me to imagine that Negroes are fighting so that only white men may be free! If we win this war they will own this country too! -Well, we must keep in mind the Dower Laws. One third of everything we have is mine and since our Negroes have been interbreeding, it would be legally impossible to distinguish them. Martha! For God's sake! -Martha! For God's sake! Leave me, now sir, I am tired. -Leave me, now sir, I am tired. Come out and meet my soldiers. They're good people. -Not today. I want you to see our hospital. -I want you to see our hospital. I don't want to see your hospital. -We can't take them. Are you all right? We're leaving them? -We're leaving them? They're finished, they can't help us anymore! They've done their duty, General Greene, now you do yours! -They're finished, they can't help us anymore! They've done their duty, General Greene, now you do yours! Yessir! -Colonel Washington? Colonel Nathanael Greene, Rhode Island Militia. Yes, yes, happy to meet you. -Yes, yes, happy to meet you. I... I'm possessed of the idea of a command in your army, sir. -I... I'm possessed of the idea of a command in your army, sir. It isn't my army yet, Colonel Greene. Looks like you've seen some action -- did you hurt your leg, in a fight? -It isn't my army yet, Colonel Greene. Looks like you've seen some action -- did you hurt your leg, in a fight? I was born with a limp, sir. The Militia used to hate it when I marches with them because my pike would always sway... -But, you do come from a military family? I have commanded the Rhode Island Militia for a year now. My father is an ironmaster. As was I. -A horseshoer? Yes, but I've spent the last winter studying all the great battles of history. And I read the lives of Caesar, Alexander, Hannibal... Sir, I'm volunteering you the wholehearted support of the Rhode Island army. -The only way to get discipline into these men is to beat it into them! Fifty lashes each! Sir, Congress hasn't issued their pay for two months, many have not eaten properly for at least that long. You're being a little hard on them, don't you think? -Sir, Congress hasn't issued their pay for two months, many have not eaten properly for at least that long. You're being a little hard on them, don't you think? Nathanael, someone bred to station, bred to being a gentleman -- unlike these men -- his sense of duty naturally prevails over the baser needs. -Nathanael, someone bred to station, bred to being a gentleman -- unlike these men -- his sense of duty naturally prevails over the baser needs. Well sir, I was an ironmaster before you got me. Maybe I will let you down yet. -I certainly didn't mean you. Of course you are a gentleman, an officer and a gentleman. You wrong me, general; I am an officer and a horse-shoer. -General Greene? I'm with Captain Hamilton. -I'm with Captain Hamilton. Yes, I thought that's how you'd feel, Nathanael. -They're just disgusting, jealous, bottom-feeding swine. It's their nature. You have a free tongue, Captain Hamilton. -Sir, if you don't mind my saying, I don't understand your history at all. I mean, why would you want to win the war? You're not after glory, like Benedict... You're a slave owner, and yet you invite blacks to fight in your army. You don't believe I can fight from a sense of duty and patriotism? -You don't believe I can fight from a sense of duty and patriotism? No. We're all of us after something. It's easy for me to fight for the common man. My father could only dream that I would be... a general someday? And what of my daughter or son? I know what I'm after. But now, with all this talk about compromise? It means the rich will just be more wealthy and the common man has no hope. -No. We're all of us after something. It's easy for me to fight for the common man. My father could only dream that I would be... a general someday? And what of my daughter or son? I know what I'm after. But now, with all this talk about compromise? It means the rich will just be more wealthy and the common man has no hope. I will not betray you, Nathanael. -I will not betray you, Nathanael. But you are an aristocrat and a slave owner. Sir. -At one time I could have chosen not to be. Then, maybe I do see what you're after -- perhaps... you get to chose again... -What the hell are we doing? You've got to stop them here or our whole line will cave-in! It's all right boys, I'm here! -Nathanael, I'm sending you to Virginia to head the southern army, to harass Cornwallis. Marquis, you must go with him. I'm honored, but, reluctant to leave you. -Sir, I have to act on instructions from you ordering thirty copies of your own dress uniform... They're for my bodyguard. I have an absolute conviction that Arnold is planning to have me assassinated! It will be harder if I am surrounded by a body of men who look like me, don't you think? -They're for my bodyguard. I have an absolute conviction that Arnold is planning to have me assassinated! It will be harder if I am surrounded by a body of men who look like me, don't you think? Yes sir, it's a wise idea... -Well, this must be about something! It is; we need you George. -If the constitution is ratified... we'll have a country. They'll want to elect you president of the convention, which means president of the country. You know, I came back to Mount Vernon to retire. I don't need to be in government. -Well, the widow Curtis will bring you riches, position, land, even half-grown children. You won't have to do anything at all! You shan't have to do another thing to prove yourself. You know very well who it is that I love. -You know very well who it is that I love. Is that the truth? Well, we can't carry on like animals any longer. -George, you know I only love you, but... But not more than your comfort. -But not more than your comfort. And what is this, then? Been off to fight the French because you are a patriot? Or is this you, gaining your long sought after rise in society by becoming victorious in war!? -And what is this, then? Been off to fight the French because you are a patriot? Or is this you, gaining your long sought after rise in society by becoming victorious in war!? That's a lie! -That's a lie! Is it? William says now you have requested a British Commission, why not colonial? I'll clear it up for you, sir, because as a British officer you can lord over colonial yokels -- more than that, it will even get you into polite society! Your dream come true, George, the only dream that really matters to you. -Is it? William says now you have requested a British Commission, why not colonial? I'll clear it up for you, sir, because as a British officer you can lord over colonial yokels -- more than that, it will even get you into polite society! Your dream come true, George, the only dream that really matters to you. Perhaps you've been counting my acres, Mrs. Fairfax, and discovered exactly how poor I really am. -Perhaps you've been counting my acres, Mrs. Fairfax, and discovered exactly how poor I really am. Now that is a lie! See how much you want to create a scandal in exchange for a glowing reputation and polite society laid at your feet! When you break off your engagement to Martha Curtis, I'll divorce William! Do you hear? You get what you want from this world, then throw it all away on love! -Now that is a lie! See how much you want to create a scandal in exchange for a glowing reputation and polite society laid at your feet! When you break off your engagement to Martha Curtis, I'll divorce William! Do you hear? You get what you want from this world, then throw it all away on love! I'd throw everything away for you. -You remember, George, when we were 'studying' the great philosophers? I remember a pair of young philosophers once, who laughed at the world. -I remember a pair of young philosophers once, who laughed at the world. Well, I remember a philosopher who said something that I used to think was just another of those stupid class denouncements... but which I now see means us all. -Well, I remember a philosopher who said something that I used to think was just another of those stupid class denouncements... but which I now see means us all. Really? Which precious homily was it? -Really? Which precious homily was it? """Mankind is born free, but everywhere he is in chains...""" -So, you are William's wild young neighbor? Or should I say, 'brother'; William claims you as a member of his family. I have heard so many unflattering tales about you, and I understand, that except for you, this 'family' is quite cultivated. George, I'm sorry. -George, I'm sorry. Oh, but you must not mind my talking about you! In fact, William says my main job here at Belvoir is to civilize you; to make an honest English gentleman out of you. -Oh, but you must not mind my talking about you! In fact, William says my main job here at Belvoir is to civilize you; to make an honest English gentleman out of you. That's not what I said! Now, Sally, you're embarrassing me! Watch out for her, George; she talks refinement, but she has a barbarous soul! -We can grow three primary crops in a season and, if we have some luck, we get a forth. The temperature is generally mild. Except for that, quite like home; England, that is. -Except for that, quite like home; England, that is. Hear that, George? Sally's actually taken to thinking of this clod of earth as her home. And it's her first tour. We're gratified, aren't we George? -Think what the play means, William. Perhaps these words have a place in the real world. Words, words, words! Sally has been tutoring George in the philosophies, isn't that right? -Where... do those men come from, George? Africa, of course. -Africa, of course. Africa? That's so far? How do they get here? -Africa? That's so far? How do they get here? Slavers capture them and bring them here. -Slavers capture them and bring them here. Capture them? Well, I've never seen anything like it, so... of course I'm curious. -Capture them? Well, I've never seen anything like it, so... of course I'm curious. Sally, our slave system is a British law... -The word 'minuet' finds its source in minitus, which is Latin meaning 'small' or 'orderly'. Or, 'civilized'. -Or, 'civilized'. In the minuet, George, every movement is significant, like the strut of cranes... -Cranes? Who needs to walk like a crane? That's just my interpretation. Actually it's a dance designed as a sentiment of courtly manners. You see? Walk in a gently 'Z'. There are four distinct movements... -What do you really think of the minuet, anyway? It's stupid, of course. -Then why are you teaching me...? Perhaps you best ask, why you wish it. You asked William to teach you manners, philosophy, decorum... as I said, it's completely stupid. -I always though London was the place to be: capital of the world, the most spectacular city on earth. The place to want to be is America. Every English child dreams of it. I dreamt it. -The place to want to be is America. Every English child dreams of it. I dreamt it. I think America suits you. -Do you? When I saw those men yesterday in the field... and the women and children in those hovels? I'm not so sure if America is as far from England as I'd hoped. It's the freest land on earth. -It's the freest land on earth. Is it? Well, I'm scared of what we've become in our freedom. -Is it? Well, I'm scared of what we've become in our freedom. Well, we must be who we must be... -And to think I am teaching you to become one of them... What else should I become? There's no difference between Virginia and England. I must be educated if I'm to take my place in society. My father couldn't afford to send me to England for school -- he made a shambles of our fortunes. Everyone laughs at me. -I don't laugh at you, George. I like you. I like you because you will never, ever make it as an aristocrat... and that's because you're completely incompetent at hiding your feelings. I think I will disappoint you. -What are you doing? Let's get you darker! -Let's get you darker! You're out of your mind! -You're out of your mind! Why? Juba was an African and you want to look the part -- hold still. -Why? Juba was an African and you want to look the part -- hold still. They can use their imaginations. -They can use their imaginations. Those people? I doubt they'd think of this. Ooo, you're wonderful this color! -I've been surprised in an unguarded hour, But must not now go back; the love that lay, Half smothered in my breast, has broke through all, Its weak restraints, and burns in its full lustre. I cannot, if I would, conceal it from thee. I'm lost in ecstasy! And dost thou love, Thou charming maid? -I'm lost in ecstasy! And dost thou love, Thou charming maid? And dost thou live to ask it? -"Remember, George, ""It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.""" That's good... who? -That's good... who? Voltaire, of course... -You are a slave owner! You have been illegally surveying lands beyond the Ohio Valley! That land belongs to the natives! That land belongs to the strongest. -All people have rights! Just because they are born? -Just because they are born? Yes! -Yes! Who says so? -Who says so? I say! -I say! I see... -I see... And 'others', say... have you even read Locke, Vattel, Voltaire, Diderot... -And 'others', say... have you even read Locke, Vattel, Voltaire, Diderot... Are these philosopher going to be here to help you fight your war? You know why I don't trust revolutions? Because each of us is who we are: we make speeches, print pamphlets, and we never change. The world is not a philosophical abstraction, Mister Adams, it's us. And, I don't believe you can ever change human nature. -You hear that? That? I hear a mob: unemployed, drunkards, vagabonds... the world's dregs. -That? I hear a mob: unemployed, drunkards, vagabonds... the world's dregs. Well, I hear 'The People'. Indentured servants, freed slaves... escaped slaves. The world's castaways. And, my fear is, in the scramble for power that's coming, you will betray them. -Is that your test of patriotism, George; if a man will die for you? God damn you, Sam Adams! You wanted a revolutionary army and now that we've really got one it scares you more than it does the British! -The land here is best for grain and corn. Though, sometimes we get frost and that can cut the season. -My daughter, I ask only... This, this is life indeed! Life worth preserving, Such life as Juba never felt till now. -For God sake, get that horrid stuff off your face. You look like a damned slave! It's damned humiliating. Juba was a Numidian. -Juba was a Numidian. He was not black! He was... tan! Weathered! -William, we've been studying hard, I really know my stuff. Don't be silly, you have whole worlds to fathom. -What is this? An Oldsmobile Silhouette. -An Oldsmobile Silhouette. I reserved a Cadillac. -I reserved a Cadillac. Yeah, well, this one's the Cadillac of minivans. -Yeah, well, this one's the Cadillac of minivans. You're kidding me, right? -You're kidding me, right? Hey, you want La Tierra Rent-A-Car just over there, but I think all they got are Rabbit convertibles. -Shit, now someone's gotta climb down there and get him. You didn't have to shoot him, Bo. We coulda just beat him up some. -You didn't have to shoot him, Bo. We coulda just beat him up some. You see that? The way the man just went right over? -Cat, that's the lamest idea I've ever heard. Yeah, well, I'm bored, Bear. I wanna make movies. -And I mean high up in it. That's why Harry's gonna make Mr. Lovejoy with me, not Chili Palmer. Mr. Lovejoy? That's cute, Bo. -Mr. Lovejoy? That's cute, Bo. Doesn't matter what it's called, Harry's got Martin Weir and it's gonna be big. -Doesn't matter what it's called, Harry's got Martin Weir and it's gonna be big. They all sound big at the talking stage. -He knew it was a set up. He was ready for it. So where's the money? -So where's the money? I guess still in the locker. -I guess still in the locker. You guess? You mean you don't know? -You guess? You mean you don't know? I mean I don't care. -You see the paper? I seen it, but I don't believe it. Says Harry shot Ronnie five times. Four to the chest and one through his foot. -I seen it, but I don't believe it. Says Harry shot Ronnie five times. Four to the chest and one through his foot. His foot. Jeez, poor Ronnie... -His foot. Jeez, poor Ronnie... Yeah, I'm really gonna miss him. -Listen, tonight, later on, I got one for you doesn't involve any heavy work. I want you to go have a look around Chili Palmer's hotel room. I can't. I got to take Farrah to Satan's place down in Costa Mesa. -I can't. I got to take Farrah to Satan's place down in Costa Mesa. Who? -Who? Her mother. Not that it matters because I don't work for you no more. I quit. I just wanted to come by, tell you to your face so there's no misunderstanding. -Her mother. Not that it matters because I don't work for you no more. I quit. I just wanted to come by, tell you to your face so there's no misunderstanding. Whoa... This is the man used to jump offa high buildings? -Whoa... This is the man used to jump offa high buildings? Into air bags. There's no cushion under what you're doing. I'm out of it, Cat. I'm done. -Into air bags. There's no cushion under what you're doing. I'm out of it, Cat. I'm done. Bear. The Colombians are in L.A. Seems they all upset about their money. That ain't enough, as a bonus, it turns out the yoyo was Escobar's nephew. -Bear. The Colombians are in L.A. Seems they all upset about their money. That ain't enough, as a bonus, it turns out the yoyo was Escobar's nephew. That's your problem. You shouldn't've smoked the guy. -He's gonna plea-deal his way out. Give up this ace stunt man now one of the West Coast dope kings, if they go easy on the Cat. Come here, Farrah... -I heard in the Federal joints they let you spend an extra five minutes at the glass with your Daddy on Father's Day. Farrah. Come here. -After this one, I'm out, Cat, you understand? This is the last time we talk to each other. Remember Harry's story about the dry cleaner Palmer was after? Guy who stole the three hundred grand from the airline? -Remember Harry's story about the dry cleaner Palmer was after? Guy who stole the three hundred grand from the airline? What about him? -What about him? I was thinking tonight you could go have a look around Palmer's hotel room while I go check out Karen Flores' place. See if he hasn't stashed it somewhere. -I was thinking tonight you could go have a look around Palmer's hotel room while I go check out Karen Flores' place. See if he hasn't stashed it somewhere. And if we don't happen to find it under Palmer's mattress or inside Karen Flores' undie drawer? What then? -And if we don't happen to find it under Palmer's mattress or inside Karen Flores' undie drawer? What then? Just do what I told you and meet me back here at midnight. -You get the money? No. What's this? -No. What's this? Plan B. Here ya go, honey... -Trade for what? The money. Fuck. I gotta think... -You get life for kidnapping. Calm down, Bear... -Calm down, Bear... Calm down? We're going away for life and you tell me to calm down? -Hell, why not just shoot her? Why not shoot everybody. Fuckin' shoot me. Shoot the fuckin' president? Don't fade on me now, Bear. Not unless you wanna hold Farrah on your lap in a room fulla felons. -And that's for the airport. Hey, he should have a weapon, a knife or something. -Hey, he should have a weapon, a knife or something. We'll get it later. -You keep hittin' him like that, he ain't gonna look like he broke in anymore, he gonna look like someone beat him up and then shot him. You're right. -I don't know how I could've missed you with that shirt on. It's the same as the other one you had only the hibiscus are a different color. Right? So you didn't have the key with you. -So you didn't have the key with you. You think I'd be standing here? You set somebody up and you want it to work, it has to be a surprise. Can you remember that? -You think I'd be standing here? You set somebody up and you want it to work, it has to be a surprise. Can you remember that? You spotted them, huh? -What, did you see it work in some movie you got beat up in? I have to ask you for that key. -I have to ask you for that key. What, the setup didn't work so you want the key back? -What, the setup didn't work so you want the key back? Catlett says if you don't open the locker the deal's off. -Catlett says if you don't open the locker the deal's off. You serious? This is how you guys do business? I can't believe you aren't dead. -Look, there's no fuckin' way I'm gonna give you the key, outside of you point a gun at my head. Then we might have something to talk about. Now step away from the car. I don't need a gun. Where is it? If it isn't on you, it's around here someplace. -What're you hanging around with a guy like that for? You were in the movies, right? A stuntman? What's he ever done he can talk about? You feel okay? Not too bad. -Not too bad. How 'bout when you went down the stairs? -I think I pulled my quadriceps. So... how many movies you been in? -So... how many movies you been in? About sixty. -About sixty. No shit? What're some of 'em? -Where is my nephew? Your who? -Your who? Yayo. Where is he? -He's my sister's kid. No papa. Not too bright. Personally, I think he's a retard. I only gave him the job as a favor for my sister, you understand? Sure. Family. I know how that goes. -Sure. Family. I know how that goes. He comes up here with our product. He suppose to come home with five hundred thousand dollars. He never shows up. Meanwhile, my sister's going crazy calling me all the time worried about him. Me, I just wanna know what happened to my focking money. -He comes up here with our product. He suppose to come home with five hundred thousand dollars. He never shows up. Meanwhile, my sister's going crazy calling me all the time worried about him. Me, I just wanna know what happened to my focking money. Well, I don't know. I gave the man his money, sent him on his way. -Well, I don't know. I gave the man his money, sent him on his way. You gave him the money? -You gave him the money? I gave him a key to a locker that had the money in it. -I gave him a key to a locker that had the money in it. Now why would you do that? Put the money in a locker? -Now why would you do that? Put the money in a locker? Because there were a zillion DEA guys hanging around the terminal. -Because there were a zillion DEA guys hanging around the terminal. A zillion, huh? That's a lot. -Maybe your nephew panicked, took off. Where's your partner, the jumpy one? Why isn't he here? -Where's your partner, the jumpy one? Why isn't he here? He's around someplace. -He's around someplace. I hear he's around Palm Springs. Dealing our product. Product we sold to you for five hundred thousand dollars. Why do you keep talking to me bullshit? I think maybe I have Ramon and Ceasar staple your tongue to your chin. What do you think? -You know, you speak very good English, Mr. Escobar. I went to UC San Diego. We're gonna spend the weekend at the Universal Sheraton. We're gonna take the tour. See the shark. Check out the Miami Vice Action Spectacular. After, we'll come here, get our money. -What's this movie you're doing first? Harry, let me answer that. -But first I want to know who I'm talking to. Am I talking to you, or am I talking to him? You can talk to me. -You can talk to me. That's what I thought. So let me put it this way... -You understand I knew Harry was lying, saying this wasn't any good, but holding on to it, man, like you have to break his fingers to get it from him. That's funny, I was just wondering what I was gonna break of yours to get it away from you. -I'm just explaining to you what I'm doing here. Case you think I come to rob the place, rip off any of this dusty old shit the man has. I'd never make you as a burglar, not in that outfit. -Harry called you his associate, but what does that mean? I never heard your name or read it in Variety or The Reporter or anyplace. It's what he said, I'm his associate. -It's what he said, I'm his associate. You must bring something heavy to the deal. -You must bring something heavy to the deal. That's right, me. -Says here you're getting Martin Weir for the part of Lovejoy. Yeah, we're getting Martin. -Yeah, we're getting Martin. No shit, come on. How you gonna do that? -No shit, come on. How you gonna do that? I put a gun right here... ...and I tell him, 'Sign the paper Marty or your fuckin' dead.' Like that. -I put a gun right here... ...and I tell him, 'Sign the paper Marty or your fuckin' dead.' Like that. I wonder, would that work? You know who I see for Al Roxy? Harvey Keitel. The man could do it in his sleep. -I wonder, would that work? You know who I see for Al Roxy? Harvey Keitel. The man could do it in his sleep. "Harvey Keitel. Yeah. Maybe. He was pretty good in the movie ""Fingers""." -"Harvey Keitel. Yeah. Maybe. He was pretty good in the movie ""Fingers""." I missed that one. Or, hey, you know who else? Morgan Freeman. You know Morgan? -I missed that one. Or, hey, you know who else? Morgan Freeman. You know Morgan? Yeah, Morgan Freeman. But he's a colored guy. -Yeah, Morgan Freeman. But he's a colored guy. So what? Where's it say in this script he's white? Color is what the part needs, man, somebody to do it has some style. The way it is now, Ronnie could do it, play himself, some cracked out asshole. So whatta you think of the script? -"Title's the first thing's got to go. And the guy's name. I mean, even this writer's name, Murray Saffrin is better than ""Lovejoy""." I'm with you on that. And don't you think it needs a good female part? Increase the romance angle. -There's Ilona. What about her? -What about her? Get something going there. -Get something going there. With Ilona? You know how old Ilona is? -With Ilona? You know how old Ilona is? She's... young. -She's... young. Young? She's fuckin' nine-years-old, same age as Lovejoy's kid. Bernie. One she calls Bernard. Have you read the script? -Young? She's fuckin' nine-years-old, same age as Lovejoy's kid. Bernie. One she calls Bernard. Have you read the script? Yeah, I read it. I was just thinking you could make her older. We might even be able to get Karen Flores. -Yeah, I read it. I was just thinking you could make her older. We might even be able to get Karen Flores. Who? -Who? She's been out of movies a few years, but she's good. Real good. -You know how to write one of these? There's nothin' to know. You have an idea, you write down what you wanna say. Then you get somebody to add in the commas and shit where they belong, if you aren't positive yourself. Maybe fix up the spelling where you have some tricky words... although I've seen scripts where I know words weren't spelled right and there was hardly any commas in it at all. So I don't think it's too important. Anyway, you come to the last page you write in 'Fade out' and that's the end, you're done. -There's nothin' to know. You have an idea, you write down what you wanna say. Then you get somebody to add in the commas and shit where they belong, if you aren't positive yourself. Maybe fix up the spelling where you have some tricky words... although I've seen scripts where I know words weren't spelled right and there was hardly any commas in it at all. So I don't think it's too important. Anyway, you come to the last page you write in 'Fade out' and that's the end, you're done. That's all there is to it, huh? -That's all there is to it, huh? That's all. -I really think I can be of service on this one. Yeah, well, we need a ride somewhere, we'll let you know. -I need the money. What money? -What money? The three hundred grand you got from a little dry cleaner named Leo. -The three hundred grand you got from a little dry cleaner named Leo. Lemme see if I got this right, you break into Karen Flores' house, ask me for three hundred grand, doesn't even belong to you? -I can't believe the way you guys do business out here. I can't believe how fucked up your organization is. Tell you what... -How 'bout I give you to three, then I organize your fuckin' brains all over the wall back there. One... What, you gonna shoot me now, Bo? -What, you gonna shoot me now, Bo? In just a second. Two... -In just a second. Two... I don't believe this. -I don't believe this. Three. -Karen? You okay? She can't talk right now. -That's a nice scream, lady. You oughta be in movies. Alright, Bo. You can have the money... but it's not here. I have to go get it. -Alright, Bo. You can have the money... but it's not here. I have to go get it. Okay. Fine. The meantime, I'll just hang on to her for safe keeping. -You know Laurel Canyon? I'll find it. -I'll find it. I'm at 8150 Wonderland Avenue. It's right off Laurel. -I'm at 8150 Wonderland Avenue. It's right off Laurel. Gimme an hour. -Where's Karen? In the can. That the money? -She's great. Gimme the money. First you and me gotta get a couple things straight. -You broke in my house and I have a witness to it. What? -Only this time, no John Wayne and Dean Martin shooting the bad guys in El Dorado. It was Rio Bravo. Robert Mitchum was the drunk in El Dorado, Dean Martin in Rio Bravo, practically the same part. John Wayne, he also did the same thing in both. He played John Wayne. -It was Rio Bravo. Robert Mitchum was the drunk in El Dorado, Dean Martin in Rio Bravo, practically the same part. John Wayne, he also did the same thing in both. He played John Wayne. Man, I can't wait for you to be dead. -Man, I can't wait for you to be dead. Bear, you're not really gonna –- -"Harry, you think we go to see your movies? I've seen better film on teeth. Makes no difference to me which one our money's in. So how 'bout you take our twenty points out of ""Freaks"" and put 'em in this other one, ""Mr. Loverboy""." I can't do it. -I can't do it. You positive about that? -You positive about that? It's a different kind of deal. -Bo. I'm great. Listen, I'm expecting some people –- You must be makin' some big deals, doin' lunch in a place like this? -You must be makin' some big deals, doin' lunch in a place like this? I'm working on a few things. -I'm working on a few things. Yeah, I hear you bagged Martin Weir for Mr. Lovejoy. -Yeah, I hear you bagged Martin Weir for Mr. Lovejoy. Boy, this town. Word gets around, doesn't it? -Last night. When he called me over to your office to talk about it. Chili Palmer showed you my script? -Chili Palmer showed you my script? Yeah, I was wondering why he should do that. -Listen, Harry, how would you like to get your hands on five hundred grand? You pay me back at your convenience, no interest. You serious? -You serious? All I want in return is to work on the movie with you. Fact I already got some ideas on how to fix it up. -How 'bout another one for Mr. Zimm. A double. You're gonna just give me five hundred grand? -You're gonna just give me five hundred grand? We'll talk about that, Harry. But first I gotta know, how'd you hook up with Chili Palmer. -He was watching Letterman, huh? Sneaky, that Chili Palmer. So, he ever find this dry cleaner, the one with all that money on him? Leo, I don't know. -Assuming I go along with this, when can I have the five hundred? Whenever you want it. The money's in hundred dollar bills inside one of those jock bags, you know? In a locker at the airport, waiting to be picked up. -Whenever you want it. The money's in hundred dollar bills inside one of those jock bags, you know? In a locker at the airport, waiting to be picked up. The airport. -The airport. It was waiting out there on another deal, one that didn't go through; one you don't want to know about. -I don't know. It's not the kind of thing you do. -C-18. That's the magic number. -I can hear you, but where the fuck are you, man? What I been wondering is where's he been. -What I been wondering is where's he been. Yeah, where've you been? We haven't heard from you lately. -Okay. Then be good enough to hand us our money back, or you think about us coming in on this new one. By Friday, man, or you're fuckin' dead as disco. -You get to town, you go straight to the bank, raid the limo account. I'm already in town, but it don't matter. We got dick in the bank. We dumped it all in Harry's movie. -I'm already in town, but it don't matter. We got dick in the bank. We dumped it all in Harry's movie. What I'm sayin' is the man wants his money and he wants it now. -Ray Barboni? Who is this? -Who is this? Are you the guy they called Ray Bones? -Are you the guy they called Ray Bones? Depends. Who's this? -Depends. Who's this? Who is this? I'm the one telling you the way it is, okay, asshole? That's who I am. Now you want your three hundred grand or don't you? -Who is this? I'm the one telling you the way it is, okay, asshole? That's who I am. Now you want your three hundred grand or don't you? What three hundred grand? -What three hundred grand? The three hundred grand a guy named Leo Devoe scammed off an airline. The three hundred grand Chili Palmer now has in his possession. -Hello? You there? Yeah, I'm here. I just don't like the anonymous crap. It means your either chickenshit or not for real. -Yeah, I'm here. I just don't like the anonymous crap. It means your either chickenshit or not for real. Yeah? Well, trust me. I'm very for real. -Yeah? Well, trust me. I'm very for real. Okay. So who are you? -Okay. So who are you? I work for Harry Zimm, alright? -I work for Harry Zimm, alright? Who? -Who? Harry Zimm. The man happens to be a major Hollywood player. -Harry Zimm. The man happens to be a major Hollywood player. Never heard of him. -Never heard of him. Maybe that's because you've never been out've fuckin' Miami, dipshit. Maybe it's time you got on a plane, flew out to L.A. and took a meeting with Mr. Zimm. -So, what, this Zimm guy asking for some kinda finders fee, that what we're talking about here? Hey, Zimm doesn't ask for dick. Zimm tells you the way it is... or else. -Hey, Zimm doesn't ask for dick. Zimm tells you the way it is... or else. Or else what? -Or else what? Or else use your fucking imagination. -Where's Leo Devoe? Where's Chili Palmer? Where's my fuckin' money? Ray. Look at me. -What? Look at me, Ray. -Look at me, Ray. You say look at you? -You say look at you? That's correct. Look at me. -How'd you get in here? I told them I was you. I acted stupid and they believed me. -I told them I was you. I acted stupid and they believed me. So what brings you to L.A., Bones? -So what brings you to L.A., Bones? Don't insult me. Get up and turn around. -Why would I do that? 'Cause the guy's a customer now, stupid. His ass belongs to me. -I checked the bag at the airport, when I came. Yeah? Which terminal? -Yeah? Which terminal? Sovereign. -Sovereign. You found Leo, didn't you? Took the poor asshole's money and put it in a locker, ready to go. Why haven't you left? -You found Leo, didn't you? Took the poor asshole's money and put it in a locker, ready to go. Why haven't you left? I like it here. -Look, there's no reason you and I shouldn't get along. Forget all the bullshit from before -– I don't even remember how it started. You took a swing at me over some fuckin' thing, whatever it was -– forget it. You owe me some money, right? Forget that too. But, you don't say a fuckin' word about this to anybody. It's strictly between you and me, right? Whatever you want, Ray. -Who the fuck are you? Ray Barboni. From Miami. -Ray Barboni. From Miami. What, like that's supposed to mean something to me? -The man you're steppin' on belongs to me and my partner. He owes me money. -He owes me money. Get in line, bro. -Get in line, bro. I don't like waiting. -I don't like waiting. Tough shit, bro. This ain't Miami. You want something, talk to me. -Tough shit, bro. This ain't Miami. You want something, talk to me. Hey, fuckball, I don't need your permission. L.A.'s an open city. -You a quick draw... 'bro?' You better be, your piece stuck way down in your belt like that. Whatta you got there... some kinda pop nine, the fuckin' Fiat of guns, always jammin' at the wrong time. -You live in Miami? That's right. -That's right. What're you doing in Los Angeles? -What're you doing in Los Angeles? I'm in the movie business. -I'm in the movie business. You're an investor, is that it? -You're an investor, is that it? I'm a producer. -I'm a producer. You have a card in here? -You have a card in here? Not yet. I just started. -Your wife a Lakers fan? I am. I'm a fan of everything that's L.A. I love it out here. -By the way, you recall the number of the locker you used? It was C... I don't know, sixteen or seventeen, one of those. Why? You looking for anyway, a bomb or something? -It was C... I don't know, sixteen or seventeen, one of those. Why? You looking for anyway, a bomb or something? Something shouldn't be there. -Something shouldn't be there. Why don't you get the attendant to open all the lockers and take a look. Maybe you'll find it. -Why don't you get the attendant to open all the lockers and take a look. Maybe you'll find it. That's the idea. I'll think about it. -That's the idea. I'll think about it. That's what I'd do. Make sure I got the right guy next time. -That's what I'd do. Make sure I got the right guy next time. Get him out've here. -Anyway, you want this guy, he's in L.A. We put him on a flight after he spanked one a my cocktail girls in the Keno room. Leo spanked a waitress? -Leo spanked a waitress? Apparently, way it went, he invited her to come to Santa Anita to play the ponies with him. She told him what to do with that and he gave her one on the tush. My guess, he's by his lonesome at the track right now. -Hey, Chil? Since you're goin' out to L.A. anyway. What've you got? -What've you got? Guy owes us a hundred and fifty grand, sixty days over; a movie producer. -Guy owes us a hundred and fifty grand, sixty days over; a movie producer. Movie producer? Yeah, why not. -Jesus, if I have a heart attack, I hope you know what to do. Where you been, Harry? -Have we met? I don't recall. We just did. I told you my name's Chili Palmer. -Did you stop to think what if I had a heart attack? You look okay to me, Harry. Come over here and sit down. Tell me what you been up to. -I'm looking at you. I want you to keep looking right here, okay? -I want you to keep looking right here, okay? That's what I'm doing. -That's what I'm doing. You know Dick Allen, Mesa's Casino? -You know Dick Allen, Mesa's Casino? Dick Allen's a very dear friend of mine. How far you want to go with this? -Dick Allen's a very dear friend of mine. How far you want to go with this? We're there, Harry. You signed markers for a hundred and a half, you're over sixty days past due and you haven't told anybody what the problem is. -Operator, how do I get Las Vegas Information? Harry, lemme give you some advice. -A marker's like a check, Harry. I know what a marker is. -I know what a marker is. They don't want to deposit yours and have it bounce. That annoys them. So your dear friend Dick Allen's been calling, leaving messages on your machine, but you never get back to him. I happen to be in Vegas on another matter, and Dick asks me as a favor would I look you up. I follow you over here, see you in the window with this woman, looks a lot like that actress Karen Flores, was in Grotesque, except she's not blond anymore... -You're not looking at me, Harry. Why do I have to keep looking at you? -Why do I have to keep looking at you? I want you to. -I want you to. You gonna get rough now, threaten me? I make good by tomorrow or get my legs broken? -You gonna get rough now, threaten me? I make good by tomorrow or get my legs broken? Come on, Harry -– Mesas? The worst they might do is get a judgment against you, uttering a bad check. I can't imagine you want that to happen, man in your position. -Come on, Harry -– Mesas? The worst they might do is get a judgment against you, uttering a bad check. I can't imagine you want that to happen, man in your position. Fuckin' basketball game. -You make movies, huh? I produce feature motion pictures, no TV. You mentioned Grotesque, that happened to be Grotesque Part II that Karen Flores was in. She starred in all three of my Slime Creatures releases you might have seen. -Karen, say hello to Chili Palmer. Chili, this is Karen Flores. Karen, it's a pleasure. How you doing? -You want to hear this idea? It's about a dry cleaner who scams an airline out of three hundred grand. Go on, tell her. You just did. -You just did. I mean, the way you told it to me. Start at the beginning, we see how the story line develops. -It's the kind of situation, you don't pay, you get your legs broken. Or the guy thinks he could get 'em broken. You have to understand the loan shark's in business the same as anybody else. He isn't in it to hurt people. He's in it to make money. -Without him. The guy's so out of it he doesn't even know it's gone. That's right. As a matter of fact... -Keep going. Well, since Leo's name was on the passenger list... -So he comes to L.A... I don't know about his wanting to meet celebrities, that's something new. But, yeah, he comes to L.A. Then after that, I don't know what happens. -That's it? That's your movie? I said I had an idea, that's all. -I said I had an idea, that's all. That's half a movie, with holes in it. Maybe forty minutes of screen time. You don't even have a girl, a female lead, and on top of that, there's no one to sympathize with, you don't have a good guy. -That's half a movie, with holes in it. Maybe forty minutes of screen time. You don't even have a girl, a female lead, and on top of that, there's no one to sympathize with, you don't have a good guy. The shylock's the good guy. -The shylock's the good guy. The shylock? He's barely mentioned. And it's not believable the wife would get a settlement that fast. -Part of it, yeah. Wait a minute, you're not the guy, are you? The dry cleaner? -Wait a minute, you're not the guy, are you? The dry cleaner? You mean, Leo? -You mean, Leo? You wouldn't be talking to me if you were. -You wouldn't be talking to me if you were. I'm not the guy, Harry. -I'm not the guy, Harry. But you work for the casino? -But you work for the casino? I'm out here looking for Leo. I just looked you up as a favor to your dear friend, Dick Allen. -I'm out here looking for Leo. I just looked you up as a favor to your dear friend, Dick Allen. So you don't work for the casino? -Is that right, that's what you do for a living? What I did till recently. After I get done here I'll think about what I'm gonna do next. -I imagine in your line of work, there were times you had to get rough, you know, say one of your customers stopped paying. They always paid. -You pack a gun? Not really. -Not really. What does that mean? -What does that mean? Maybe a few times I have. -Maybe a few times I have. Ever shot anybody. -Ever shot anybody. Once. -Once. Really? You ever been arrested? -Really? You ever been arrested? I've been picked up a couple times. Loan sharking. Racketeering. But I was never convicted. I'm clean. -I've been picked up a couple times. Loan sharking. Racketeering. But I was never convicted. I'm clean. Racketeering, that covers a lot of ground, doesn't it? -These guys, my investors, they run a limo service, came to me originally, put money in a few of my pictures and did okay, they're happy. So they come in on another deal -– this was back a few months ago when I was planning what would be my next picture, about this band of killer circus freaks that travel around the country leaving bodies in their wake. The characters, there's this seven- hundred-pound fat lady who has a way of seducing guys, gets them in her trailer –- Harry, look at me. -You're trying to tell me how you fucked up without sounding stupid, and that's hard to do. Let's just get to where you're at, okay? You blew the two hundred grand the limo guys gave you in Vegas on a basketball game and you haven't told 'em about it. Why not? Because they're not the type of guys would take it with any degree of understanding or restraint. The first thing they'd do is break my legs. -Because they're not the type of guys would take it with any degree of understanding or restraint. The first thing they'd do is break my legs. You got that on the brain, Harry. If you're so scared of 'em why'd you take their money to Vegas to begin with? -You got that on the brain, Harry. If you're so scared of 'em why'd you take their money to Vegas to begin with? Because I need half a million to buy a script. -Because I need half a million to buy a script. For a movie? -For a movie? "A blockbuster. But quality. No mutants or maniacs. This one's gonna be my ""Driving Miss Daisy""." -"A blockbuster. But quality. No mutants or maniacs. This one's gonna be my ""Driving Miss Daisy""." What's it called? -What's it called? """Mr. Lovejoy""." -"""Mr. Lovejoy""." """Mr. Lovejoy""? That's the title?" -"""Mr. Lovejoy""? That's the title?" It's not bad when you know what it's about. -Murray Saffrin, guy who wrote it, did all my Grotesque pictures, had it in a drawer for twenty years. He shows it to me one day, tells me he's got a star interested, would I produce it. Who's the star? -Two time academy award nominee, Martin Weir. "Martin Weir. He played the mob guy that turned snitch in ""The Cyclone""." -"Martin Weir. He played the mob guy that turned snitch in ""The Cyclone""." One of his best parts. -One of his best parts. No, his best part was the cripple gay guy that climbed Mt. Whitney. -No, his best part was the cripple gay guy that climbed Mt. Whitney. """Ride the Clouds"". Good picture." -She looks familiar. She's a rock star. Every day, same time, they come down here and have breakfast. He has the egg white omelet; she has the banana pancakes. He sits facing west so he can see his billboard. She faces east so she has an excuse to wear the shades. -Anyway, Murray has this shrink, who also happens to be Martin's personal trainer's shrink. Murray gives the shrink the script and the shrink gives it to Martin's trainer who reads it to Martin while they work out, and Martin flips. Loves it. So what's the problem? -So what's the problem? The problem is Murray. He and a few other blocked screenwriters went river rafting down the Kern a few weeks ago. Murray never made it back. -The problem is Murray. He and a few other blocked screenwriters went river rafting down the Kern a few weeks ago. Murray never made it back. He drown? -He drown? Heart attack. Apparently they brought a couple hookers along. -Doris, Murray's widow, finds out about this Martin Weir thing and says since Murray and I never had any written contract, she wants five hundred grand for the script. So you're thinking what if I was to put you next to my dry cleaner. Ask him if he wants to invest his money in a movie. -So you're thinking what if I was to put you next to my dry cleaner. Ask him if he wants to invest his money in a movie. That, or I'm thinking what if some tragic accident were to befall the widow Saffrin -– -That, or I'm thinking what if some tragic accident were to befall the widow Saffrin -– I'm not gonna pop her, Harry. -I'm not gonna pop her, Harry. Just a thought. -Just a thought. But I could talk to the limo guys. Tell 'em to leave you alone for a while. Make the point in a way they'd understand it. -But I could talk to the limo guys. Tell 'em to leave you alone for a while. Make the point in a way they'd understand it. You don't even know these guys. -You don't even know these guys. Harry, I probably know 'em better than you do. -Harry, I probably know 'em better than you do. What do you get out of this? -What do you get out of this? Let's see how we get along. -Lovejoy sits behind the wheel, watching the bar across the street, getting his video camera ready for action... What's he doing? Following a guy? Read it. It's a grabber. -No leave 'em up, we want the light in their eyes. I'll be at the desk... but don't introduce me, let it go, just start talking. You're gonna be here, behind 'em when they sit down. They'll be looking at you. They don't know who you are. -They'll be looking at you. They don't know who you are. That's right, they're wondering, who's this guy? You don't tell 'em. Understand, Harry? Do not tell 'em who I am. -You don't say any more'n you have to. You say, 'Well, I'm glad you assholes stopped by, so I can set you straight.' You're kidding, right? -What? I don't know, maybe I wasn't clear. But I thought... I told you to keep your mouth shut. -I don't know, maybe I wasn't clear. But I thought... I told you to keep your mouth shut. I had to tell 'em something. -I had to tell 'em something. Never say anything unless you have to. -You tell me you want these guys off your back. Next thing I know, you're saying yeah, maybe they can have a piece of Mr. Lovejoy. I couldn't believe my fuckin' ears. I said I'd think about it. What does that mean? In this town, nothing. -I said I'd think about it. What does that mean? In this town, nothing. That's the difference between you and me, Harry. I say what I mean. I want something from someone, I ask 'em straight out. I want Martin Weir, I go get Martin Weir. I don't fuck around with his trainer's shrink. -That's the difference between you and me, Harry. I say what I mean. I want something from someone, I ask 'em straight out. I want Martin Weir, I go get Martin Weir. I don't fuck around with his trainer's shrink. His shrink's trainer. -How's anyone gonna see anything from way up there? Hey, Harry. -Hey, Harry. Yeah, Chili. Hi. You're fifty feet in the air! -Here's your keys, Harry. Get the fuck outta my chair. -Is he giving you a check or cash? Cash. It happens to be waiting right at this moment in a locker at the airport. -Okay, Harry, I'm wrong. You're not the one he's setting up. I mean, at least Bo's invested in three of my movies. -Really. Yeah, he wants us to talk to Buddy, set up a meeting. -Yeah, he wants us to talk to Buddy, set up a meeting. A meeting with who? You and Karen? -So how 'bout it, Mr. Selznick, do I make my deal with Bo? Or you gonna finally help me out, have a word with your dry cleaner when you find him. I found him. -Forget about Leo's money, Harry. You have it? -You have it? Harry, if I gave you Leo's money you'd have Ray Bones all over your ass and then you'd be in a whole new kinda trouble. -Harry, if I gave you Leo's money you'd have Ray Bones all over your ass and then you'd be in a whole new kinda trouble. Who? -Who? Ray Barboni. Guy from Miami, owns Leo now that Momo died. -Ray Barboni. Guy from Miami, owns Leo now that Momo died. Who the fuck is Momo? Jesus, these fucking names... -Who the fuck is Momo? Jesus, these fucking names... Tell you what, Harry, tomorrow morning, when the airport's crowded, I'll go check it out. If I don't see a problem, I'll pick up the money... -Maybe I oughta talk to this Ray Bones character myself. See if he wants to invest in my movie. Don't waste your time, Harry. The guy's not much of a movie fan. Now c'mon, gimme the key. -You cut straight hair in this place, or just fags? Hey, Bones, looks like you're gonna have a nice scar up there. Maybe these guys can fit you with a rug, cover it up for ya. -You got a miss. Leo Devoe. Guy's six weeks over. He died. -He died. How'd you know he died, he tell you? -Yeah, he told me. Personally? -Personally? Yeah, Ray, he personally told me he got killed in that Get Away Airlines' jet went down last month. -Yeah, Ray, he personally told me he got killed in that Get Away Airlines' jet went down last month. What Get Away jet? -What Get Away jet? It was in the Herald. -It was in the Herald. Yeah, well, maybe the guy took out flight insurance. Check with the wife. -Yeah, well, maybe the guy took out flight insurance. Check with the wife. Hey, it's your book now. You want to check it out, go ahead. He's got a dry cleaning business out on Federal Highway. -Which also means when I speak, I'm speakin' for Jimmy. So e.g. as of now, you start affording me the proper respect. 'E.g.' means 'for example', Ray. I think what you wanna say is 'i.e.' -'E.g.' means 'for example', Ray. I think what you wanna say is 'i.e.' Bullshit. E.g. is short for 'ergo'. -Bullshit. E.g. is short for 'ergo'. Ask your man here. -You owe me the dry cleaner's fifteen grand plus the juice which is what another, uhh... Twenty seven hundred. -Twenty seven hundred. Exactly. You either get it from the wife or out of your own pocket, I don't give a fuck. You don't ever hand me a book with a miss in it. -Yeah. That was a good party. You know, Marty, you were good in The Cyclone. -You know, Marty, you were good in The Cyclone. Martin. It was a beautiful role. All I had to do was find the character's center, the stem I'd used to wind him up and he'd play, man, he'd play. -Well, you had it down cold. Watching you in the movie, if I didn't know better I'd have to believe you were a made guy and not acting. Even the fink part. I never met a fink and I hope to God I never do, but how you did it must be the way finks act. A few weeks before shooting, I went back to Bensonhurst, just to listen to you guys. See, I'm Italian, but I grew up in Tarzana. So I wanted to pick up your rhythms of speech. -A few weeks before shooting, I went back to Bensonhurst, just to listen to you guys. See, I'm Italian, but I grew up in Tarzana. So I wanted to pick up your rhythms of speech. We talk different? -We talk different? It's more like your attitude. Your tone, your speech patterns demonstrate a certain confidence in yourselves, in your opinions, your indifference to conventional views. -It's more like your attitude. Your tone, your speech patterns demonstrate a certain confidence in yourselves, in your opinions, your indifference to conventional views. You mean like we don't give a shit. -You mean like we don't give a shit. Yeah. Kinda. Anyway, once I have the authentic sounds of speech, the rhythms, man, the patois, I can actually begin to think the way those guys do, get inside their heads. -So you don't know what I'm thinking. No, I don't. Though I have to say I'm curious. -No, I don't. Though I have to say I'm curious. So you want to know. -So you want to know. If you'd like to tell me, yeah. -If you'd like to tell me, yeah. I'm thinking of a movie. -I'm thinking of a movie. One of mine? -One of mine? One we're producing. -One we're producing. With what? Wiseguy money? -Martin, I'm not connected to those people anymore. Not since I walked out of a loanshark Operation in Miami. What happened? The pressure got to you? -What happened? The pressure got to you? Pressure? I'm the one applied the pressure. -Guy owes me fifteen large and takes off, I go after him. The fuck you think I do? Martin, look at me. -Martin, look at me. I'm looking at you. -No, I want you to look at me the way I'm looking at you. Put it in your eyes, 'You're mine, asshole,' without saying it. Like this? -Like this? What you're telling me, you're tired? You wanna go to bed? -What you're telling me, you're tired? You wanna go to bed? Wait. How about this? -Wait. How about this? Now you're squinting like you need glasses. -How about this? That's not bad. -That's not bad. That's what I think of you, asshole. Nothing. -That's what I think of you, asshole. Nothing. I believe it. -I believe it. I turn it on when I confront the guy. -I turn it on when I confront the guy. Yeah, but you haven't found him yet. The guy took off for Las Vegas. -Yeah, but you haven't found him yet. The guy took off for Las Vegas. How do I know that? -The wife sues the airline. This is a gutsy babe. Good-looking, too. Like Karen. -So when do I meet up with the husband and give him the look? It's not that simple. You have to be careful. There's another guy that comes along, a hard-on you owe some money to. A mob guy. Wants to take you out anyway, on account of a past situation. -It's not that simple. You have to be careful. There's another guy that comes along, a hard-on you owe some money to. A mob guy. Wants to take you out anyway, on account of a past situation. Okay. I'm listening. -At that point, basically, that has to be it. You're not going to tell me the rest? -Lemme talk to Buddy, set up a meeting. Buddy? -Very nice... Yeah, I like it, I'm high up, I can see everything, you know? It's the Cadillac of minivans. -Yeah, I like it, I'm high up, I can see everything, you know? It's the Cadillac of minivans. What's that? -What's that? Compass. -Compass. Wow. Mind if I take it for a spin? -Whatta you think, Chill? That's not bad. I think you got it down. -I wouldn't think you're that dumb, leave over three hundred grand in the closet, underneath the extra blanket, but I guess you are. I didn't know where else to keep it. Where would you? -I didn't know where else to keep it. Where would you? You're here a while, what's wrong with a bank? -You're here a while, what's wrong with a bank? They report it to the IRS. -They report it to the IRS. You don't open an account, Leo, you put it in a safe deposit box. Dip in whenever you want. -You've been losing. I'm up twelve grand today. -I'm up twelve grand today. From when? You left Vegas with four- fifty? -From when? You left Vegas with four- fifty? Who told you that? -Who told you that? Now you're down to three-ten in the case. You must've cooled off quite a bit since you got here. -Now you're down to three-ten in the case. You must've cooled off quite a bit since you got here. How'd you know I was here? -How'd you know I was here? Here's another tip... -It was Fay, wasn't it, told you about the money. She tell you my whole life history, for Christ's sake? I wouldn't let her if she tried. Why I'm here, Leo, basically, is to save your ass. -I wouldn't let her if she tried. Why I'm here, Leo, basically, is to save your ass. How? By taking my money? -How? By taking my money? You can keep what you won today. That's yours. -You can keep what you won today. That's yours. It's all mine. -It's all mine. Sit down, Leo. -You take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it? At eighteen percent, okay? And don't ask me no more fuckin' questions. I'm leaving. -But you won't know where I am. I don't even know where I'll be. I'll find you, Leo... -It's not one of these? You see a black leather jacket, fingertip length, like the one Pacino wore in Serpico? You don't, you owe me three seventy-nine. -You see a black leather jacket, fingertip length, like the one Pacino wore in Serpico? You don't, you owe me three seventy-nine. Maybe you don't see my sign? -We call you a taxi. Lemme get this straight. You aren't responsible for any lost articles like an expensive coat of mine, but you're gonna find Ray Bones' coat or get him a new one? Is that what you're telling me? -Lemme get this straight. You aren't responsible for any lost articles like an expensive coat of mine, but you're gonna find Ray Bones' coat or get him a new one? Is that what you're telling me? Mr. Barboni is a good customer. Works for Jimmy Capp. -Mr. Barboni is a good customer. Works for Jimmy Capp. I know who he works for. Where's your phone. -The door from the patio, in back. You broke in? -You broke in? No, it was open. It wasn't locked. -No, it was open. It wasn't locked. What if it was? -Well, basically, this guy owes a shylock fifteen thousand, plus he's a few weeks behind on the vig, the interest you have to pay. I know what a vig is. -The interest is four hundred and fifty dollars a week on fifteen thousand? That's right. Three percent. -That's right. Three percent. But a week. That's a hundred and fifty percent a year. -But a week. That's a hundred and fifty percent a year. A hundred and fifty-six. Some'll charge you more'n that, go as high as six for five on a short-term loan. So three a week's not too bad. -A hundred and fifty-six. Some'll charge you more'n that, go as high as six for five on a short-term loan. So three a week's not too bad. A real bargain. -A couple days ago by, people from the airliner come to see his wife, tell her how sorry they are and all that their plane exploded and offer her a settlement, the amount based on what he would've earned operating the dry cleaner's the rest of his life. Leo had some kind of trouble with his kidneys, so they were giving him about ten years. How much is the wife offered? -Hey... Karen. How ya' doin'? What're you doing here? -What're you doing here? I wanted to come by, apologize for coming into your house like I did last night. -I wanted to come by, apologize for coming into your house like I did last night. Lemme get this straight, you broke in again to apologize for breaking in before? -Lemme get this straight, you broke in again to apologize for breaking in before? No, no... you left the patio door open. You gotta stop doin' that, all the nice things you got around here. -No, no... you left the patio door open. You gotta stop doin' that, all the nice things you got around here. Yeah, well make sure you lock it on the way out. -Yeah, well make sure you lock it on the way out. Rough day on the set? -Rough day on the set? I spent all day crawling out of a grave. The costumer kept bitching 'cause I was ripping my nylons –- -I spent all day crawling out of a grave. The costumer kept bitching 'cause I was ripping my nylons –- Ripped nylons work. Makes the shot more real. -Ripped nylons work. Makes the shot more real. ...That's what we finally decided. -...That's what we finally decided. "Like in ""Bride of the Mutant"", when you played the whole end with that torn top." -You saw that one? "Yeah. When you turn to the camera to tell the alien mother that her time on earth is finished... when you give us all that look, Joan Crawford wishes on her best day she had that much presence. Not even in ""Mildred Pierce"" -– which by the way was a better book than a movie -– did Crawford even touch the intensity you had in that look." -"Yeah. When you turn to the camera to tell the alien mother that her time on earth is finished... when you give us all that look, Joan Crawford wishes on her best day she had that much presence. Not even in ""Mildred Pierce"" -– which by the way was a better book than a movie -– did Crawford even touch the intensity you had in that look." Yeah... that was a good scene. I mean, for a horror movie. -Yeah... that was a good scene. I mean, for a horror movie. For any movie. -For any movie. I know I'm better than what I've been doing the last ten years, walking around in a tank top and fuck-me pumps, waiting till it's time to scream. -I know I'm better than what I've been doing the last ten years, walking around in a tank top and fuck-me pumps, waiting till it's time to scream. Man, can you scream. -Man, can you scream. "Yeah. It's a real gift. I'm just saying it'd be nice, one time in my career to get the chance to say one great line. You know, like in that Bette Davis picture, ""Cabin in the...""" -"Yeah. It's a real gift. I'm just saying it'd be nice, one time in my career to get the chance to say one great line. You know, like in that Bette Davis picture, ""Cabin in the...""" """Cotton""." -"""Cotton""." Yeah, you know when Bette comes up to the guy on the porch, gives him a flirty look and says, 'I'd kiss you, but...' -How come you stopped making movies with Harry? I married Martin. That was a full- time job. -I married Martin. That was a full- time job. You read Harry's new one? He says it's the best thing he's ever read. -You read Harry's new one? He says it's the best thing he's ever read. "He must mean after ""Slime Creature 3""." -"He must mean after ""Slime Creature 3""." That why Harry came over last night? See if you could help him get Martin in his movie? -That why Harry came over last night? See if you could help him get Martin in his movie? Harry's dreaming of a forty-million- dollar production he'll never get off the ground with a star he'll never sign. With or without my help. -Harry's dreaming of a forty-million- dollar production he'll never get off the ground with a star he'll never sign. With or without my help. Harry told me Martin loves it, he flipped. -Harry told me Martin loves it, he flipped. Yeah, well Martin is known for his flipping. He flips over a script, and when the time comes to make a deal, he flips out. -Yeah, well Martin is known for his flipping. He flips over a script, and when the time comes to make a deal, he flips out. Tell you what, I'll stop by Harry's office and pick up a copy for you. -Tell you what, I'll stop by Harry's office and pick up a copy for you. Don't go out of your way. -Well, I gotta have a talk with Leo, my runaway dry cleaner. Right. See how your story ends. -Right. See how your story ends. "Yeah. Right. Listen, ""Touch of Evil""'s playing near my hotel. You wanna go check it out? Watch Charlton Heston play a Mexican?" -You been here the whole time? I just caught the end. -I got you a copy of the script. I already read it. Harry left a copy at the house. -I already read it. Harry left a copy at the house. What do you think? -I think it's not horrible. I don't like the title. Or the main guy's name. -I don't like the title. Or the main guy's name. Then you've read it? -Then you've read it? Not yet. -Not yet. You and Harry'll make a great team. I'm gonna make a deal with him. -You and Harry'll make a great team. I'm gonna make a deal with him. There a part in it for you? -There a part in it for you? I don't want to act in it, I want to produce it with Harry. Especially if I help him get Martin. -I don't want to act in it, I want to produce it with Harry. Especially if I help him get Martin. Sounds fair. -Sounds fair. What do you get out of it? -That why you came over here, to ask me that? I want to know. -I want to know. Why does anyone want to be in movies? -Why does anyone want to be in movies? Yesterday, you were a loan shark. -I was never much into it. All that bullshit having to do with respect. It's bad enough having to treat those guys like they're your heroes, having to smile when they make some stupid remark they think's real funny. And you think the movie business is any different? -And you think the movie business is any different? Yeah well... I like movies. I figure if I help Harry make one, I'll find out what you have to do outside of have an idea and raise the money. That doesn't sound too hard. I was in the money business and I get ideas all the time. -This thing's actually accurate. I bought it for ten bucks from a kid in a lawn chair on Sunset... You were supposed to wait for me with Harry at the restaurant. -Well actually, Martin the movie we came to talk about is Mr. Lovejoy. Yeah. We understand you read the script and like it... a lot. -A locker at the airport? Jesus Christ, Harry. Tell me you're not really that stupid. The guy's setting you up. You pulled out of their Freaks deal so he's paying you back. -That was Martin. He wants to have lunch tomorrow. That is, if you can make it. Depends, who pays? -Depends, who pays? Definitely not Martin. Movie stars never pick up the check. They have no idea what things cost. Most of them don't know their zip code and a lot don't even know their own phone number. -How'd you meet Martin anyway? Not unlike the way Nicki met him. Except it was a wrap party. Why? -Not unlike the way Nicki met him. Except it was a wrap party. Why? I don't know, I'm just havin' some trouble seeing you two together. -I don't know, I'm just havin' some trouble seeing you two together. You don't like Martin much, do you? -You don't like Martin much, do you? Oh, I like him. I just think he's... short. I mean, he's a good actor and all, but I'm wondering what it was exactly you saw in Marty. -Oh, I like him. I just think he's... short. I mean, he's a good actor and all, but I'm wondering what it was exactly you saw in Marty. For starters, Marty wasn't Martin back then. -So what about your story. You thought of a title yet? How 'bout Get Shorty? Except that isn't a movie. That's real life. -How 'bout Get Shorty? Except that isn't a movie. That's real life. How 'bout Chili's Hollywood Adventure. -How 'bout Chili's Hollywood Adventure. That's a different story. I'm still working on that one, you know, getting the visual fabric just right. Although I've added to it. -Yeah? Yeah. There's a girl in it now. -Yeah. There's a girl in it now. Really. -I think you could be an actor. I know you're acting sometimes, but you don't show it. You thought I was faking? -You thought I was faking? No. I don't mean that. I just meant in general. -No. I don't mean that. I just meant in general. Oh. -You don't mean a movie star? More like a character actor? Whichever. Let's talk about it tomorrow. -I mean I could see myself in movies Robert De Niro had been in. Or I could maybe do an Al Pacino movie, play a hard-on. But I couldn't see myself in ones, like say the one where the three guys get stuck with a baby. They don't know how to take care of it and you see these big grown-up assholes acting cute -– Hey, Chili? Look at me. -Harry... My God... What happened? -What kinda food they serve at this Ivy place anyway? Continental, but it doesn't matter. Martin won't order from the menu. -Why not? Because a movie star can never order straight from the menu. They have to think of something they have to have that isn't on the menu. -Harry, what're you doing? You're supposed to be in the hospital. Yeah, Harry, you look like you belong in one of your horror movies. -You sure? He's doing the same thing you did to him, playing Letterman on TV. -He's doing the same thing you did to him, playing Letterman on TV. It's not Dave. It's a movie. -It's not Dave. It's a movie. Are you going down? -Are you going down? I don't know. -I don't know. You're as bad as Harry... -You're as bad as Harry... I'll go. I'll go. -You okay? Guy's got a fucking pink toilet, for Christ's sake. -Karen! What the fuck are you doing?! Oh, shit... I'm sorry... I thought that was... I'm so sorry... -Were you scared up there? You bet. -You bet. You don't act like it? -You don't act like it? I was scared then, not now. How long you want me to be scared? -I'll be right back. Go get your stuff. -What took you so long? Couldn't find my toothbrush. -They're closing the Granview. You know, theater down on Biscayne? Yeah, the guy owes Momo a few G's. -Yeah, the guy owes Momo a few G's. What I'm thinkin' is maybe Momo could buy it. -Momo could buy it, I could run it for him. Show some Cagney films. What's Momo gonna want with an old place, shows old movies people don't care about no more. Outside of maybe turnin' it into a porno house, I don't think he's gonna give much of a fuck. And you already got a job. -You sure it was Ray Bones took the coat? That's what the guy said. -That's what the guy said. Tomorrow, I see on the TV weather, it's gonna be nice and warm. You won't need the coat. -Hey, Chili. Get your coat, but don't piss the guy off, okay? It could get complicated and we'd have to call Momo to straighten it out. Then Momo gets pissed for wasting his time and we don't need that. Don't worry about it. I won't say any more than I have to, if that. -No, I said I'm never goin' to bed. There's a difference. See, the article says most people die in their beds. I figure long as I stay outta bed, I'm safe. That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. Where do you sleep? -That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. Where do you sleep? In an armchair. Or I go to a coffee shop, sleep there. Sit in a booth, pull my hat down. -I told you not to -– Don't say a fuckin' word. -I hate to say I told you, but I did. I told you don't start nothing with him that time. You said don't say nothing and I didn't. -You said don't say nothing and I didn't. No, you just broke his fuckin' nose instead. -No, you just broke his fuckin' nose instead. You gonna start that again? You're just like him, all you got room for in your brain is one fuckin' thing. -You gonna start that again? You're just like him, all you got room for in your brain is one fuckin' thing. All I know is he came by the barber shop, all fuckin' undone, wanting to know where you were staying in Vegas. I told him I don't know. I still don't. -All I know is he came by the barber shop, all fuckin' undone, wanting to know where you were staying in Vegas. I told him I don't know. I still don't. How'd he know I was in Vegas? You tell him? -How'd he know I was in Vegas? You tell him? He already knew it. -He already knew it. Yeah, well, I'm in L.A. now. -Yeah, well, I'm in L.A. now. Whatta you doing out there? -Whatta you doing out there? I'm going into the movie business. -I'm going into the movie business. What're you talking about? You wanna be a movie star? -What're you talking about? You wanna be a movie star? I'm thinking about producing. -I'm thinking about producing. How you gonna do that? You don't know shit about making movies. -How you gonna do that? You don't know shit about making movies. I don't think the producer has to do much, outside of maybe knowing a writer. -I don't think the producer has to do much, outside of maybe knowing a writer. Hey, Chil? I think you're fulla shit. -Yeah, but whose point of view? Whatta you mean, whose point of view; The audience's point of view. -Whatta you mean, whose point of view; The audience's point of view. Get down here. I wanna talk to you. Come on... right now... She's gonna talk to Martin? -All these camera moves and weird angles and shit are gonna distance us from the emotion of the scene. What 'emotion'? Girl just got stabbed in the ear with an ice pick. -What 'emotion'? Girl just got stabbed in the ear with an ice pick. She's scared! Fear is an emotion! Look, kid, if you remember anything from your time working with Harry Zimm, let it be the three key words to filmmaking. -Yeah? What three words, Harry? Pick 'n' Save. -Pick 'n' Save. Hm? -Hm? You heard me, Pick 'n' Save. -So Mildred says to the cashier, 'I saw the new Streisand picture.' 'God, I just love it at the end when she brushed Robert Redford's hair off his forehead the way she did when they were together, and the way they gave each other this look that said they still loved each other, but knew they couldn't be together. That look was so... romantic.' That's great, Harry. So what's the -- -That's great, Harry. So what's the -- What she did not say was, 'I just loved the way the director moved the camera so much it made me fuckin' seasick.' All she cared about was that look. All she remembered was that look. And why do we remember things in movies? Because we can see them. -Hello, Doris. Harry Zimm. You look like a wet kiss. -Well, aren't you gonna offer me whatever it is you taste like? Come on in. -What a spectacular view. Yeah, lovely. Last night I watched two guys carjack a Camaro down on the corner of Argyle there. What do you want, Doris? -I miss Murray, Harry. Yeah, me too. He was a helluva good writer. And I would know. I discovered him. Made him what he was. -Yeah, me too. He was a helluva good writer. And I would know. I discovered him. Made him what he was. What he was, was a hack, couldn't get a job writing for anybody but you. I'm being honest. He was a lousy writer, but he was a good husband. I just didn't know it until too late. -I'm not sure how I feel about this, Doris. You seem to feel fine about it. -You seem to feel fine about it. I mean morally. Murray was my friend. -I mean morally. Murray was my friend. Murray's dead. -So this means you've reconsidered our deal on Mr. Lovejoy? No. But now that you mention it, I did talk to a handsome executive at Paramount the other day... who just happened to get his hands on the script. -No. But now that you mention it, I did talk to a handsome executive at Paramount the other day... who just happened to get his hands on the script. Yeah, what'd he have to say? -Yeah, what'd he have to say? He said if Martin's interested, I could get a half a million for it easy. But don't worry, Harry, I'm still giving you until Friday. -He said if Martin's interested, I could get a half a million for it easy. But don't worry, Harry, I'm still giving you until Friday. How honorable of you. -What's wrong? Be quiet and listen. -Be quiet and listen. I don't hear anything. -When I came upstairs, you stayed to finish your drink. I told you to turn off the TV when you were through. Come to think of it, I also told you you could sleep in the maid's room. Yeah, well I turned off the set. I used the remote control thing and laid it on the floor. You know what could've happened? The dog came in and stepped on it, turned the TV back on. -Yeah, well I turned off the set. I used the remote control thing and laid it on the floor. You know what could've happened? The dog came in and stepped on it, turned the TV back on. I don't have a dog. -I don't have a dog. You don't? What happened to Muff? -You don't? What happened to Muff? Harry, are you going down, or you want me to? -Anyone skim the pool? It needs it. Harry -– -Harry -– I'm going. -How did you get in the house? He's telling me an idea for a movie. It's not bad so far. Sit down, have a drink. Tell Karen, let's see what she thinks. -He's telling me an idea for a movie. It's not bad so far. Sit down, have a drink. Tell Karen, let's see what she thinks. Maybe you didn't hear me. -That Miami flight that went down, it was on the news every day for about a week. Harry must've been busy. That's where you got the idea? -With your experience, you could always become an agent. Right, Harry? Yeah, that's what we need. More agents. -Yeah, that's what we need. More agents. Well. I got an audition tomorrow. -Well. I got an audition tomorrow. No problem. You go on off to bed. -What I'm saying, Harry, is I want you and your new buddy to get out of my house. Oh, yeah, sure. -Harry, what're you still doing with those guys? He happens to be loaning me five hundred grand, no strings, I write any kind of agreement I want. -Harry, we spoke with Martin. 'We?' -'We?' Chili and me. -Harry -– Man's in town two days, thinks he's David O. fucking Selznick. -Which two? Once their lives are in danger and you have the mob guy coming after them, it not only heightens the tension, it adds a wistful element to their love. -Once their lives are in danger and you have the mob guy coming after them, it not only heightens the tension, it adds a wistful element to their love. Mob guy? -I have to run. But what I hope to see, they begin to have misgivings about wanting the money. It becomes their moral dilemma and they try to rationalize keeping it, but in the end they can't. Can they? What money? -What money? The three hundred large. What other money is there? I should keep quiet, I know, till I've read the script, but I've got a feeling about this one. I'm that shylock. -The three hundred large. What other money is there? I should keep quiet, I know, till I've read the script, but I've got a feeling about this one. I'm that shylock. Shylock? -Karen. Wow. Look at you... Hello, Martin. -I'm sitting here, I'm looking at you and I'm having these flashes. You know, flashbacks, of memories. Of us. Really. -Really. Yeah and I'm wondering, how did it go wrong? How did it all... slip away? -Yeah and I'm wondering, how did it go wrong? How did it all... slip away? 'It' didn't slip away, Martin, you did... when you went off to fuck Nicki in the middle of my birthday party. -Oh, for Christ's sake –- I know. I'm doing Shylock instead of a shylock. Okay, what's my motivation? The acquisition of money. To collect. Inflict pain if I have to. -Lufkin. His... agent. Yeah, Karen knows him. -Yeah, Karen knows him. But you are interested? -But you are interested? I'm intrigued, yeah. You know what might help you, take a look at the Cylone again, the way a visual fabric is maintained even while the metaphor plays on different levels. Hey –- This your ride, Chili? -Hi, sweetface. You look great. And mmmmm, you smell good, too. Thanks. -I have to consider, I mean, as the mob guy, this is another man's wife I'm sleeping with. And after all, you have such morals. -Arctic Warrior, Arctic Warrior, Arctic Warrior. This is United States Coastguard Station North Island. Over. North Island, I wish to declare myself salvor-in-posession under section four two charlie of the International Maritime Convention. -North Island, I wish to declare myself salvor-in-posession under section four two charlie of the International Maritime Convention. Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. What type of vessel? -Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. What type of vessel? A passenger liner. Over. -A passenger liner. Over. Say again. Over. -A passenger liner, north island. Over. What is the vessel name, registry, and present position? Over. -What is the vessel name, registry, and present position? Over. "Passenger vessel ""Chimera."" I will spell: charlie hotel india mary echo romeo alpha. No registry information is available at this time. I have determined to the best of my ability that the vessel has been abandoned on the high seas at position one seven four west, five seven north at... Two zero one four hours zulu time. Over." -"Passenger vessel ""Chimera."" I will spell: charlie hotel india mary echo romeo alpha. No registry information is available at this time. I have determined to the best of my ability that the vessel has been abandoned on the high seas at position one seven four west, five seven north at... Two zero one four hours zulu time. Over." Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. Please advise your salvage authority pending registry check. Over. -Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. Please advise your salvage authority pending registry check. Over. Roger, North Island. Arctic Warrior over and out. -North Island, please repeat? Over. Arctic Warrior, passenger vessel Chimera was lost at sea day two month two year one nine five three. Over. -North Island, have you got any additional information? Over. Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. The vessel Chimera was registered to The Dobbins Kirk Line, Halifax. Nova Scotia. Date of commission day nine month seven year one nine three two. Over. -Roger, North Island. I am tied to the passenger vessel Chimera. And she is afloat. Repeat, she is afloat. Over. Roger, Arctic Warrior. I say again, our records indicate the passenger vessel Chimera was lost at sea. Over. -Roger, Arctic Warrior. I say again, our records indicate the passenger vessel Chimera was lost at sea. Over. Roger, North Island. Please advise pending further information. Over. -Roger, North Island. Please advise pending further information. Over. Affirmative, Arctic Warrior. This is United States Coast Guard North Island Station. Over and out. -Arctic Warrior, Arctic Warrior, Arctic Warrior. This is United States Coastguard Station North Island. Your radio check is affirmative. Over. Roger that, North Island. Arctic Warrior whiskey alpha sierra bravo four zero niner two. Over and out. -Hear that, Dodge? Epps don't think it's a problem. I'll sleep good tonight knowing that. -Looks like Epps' gonna get some tonight. With that coxswain dickhead. -Hypothetically speaking, what if we get this boat to Sitka and find out somebody wants it back? They shoulda thought of that when they let her float away. -They shoulda thought of that when they let her float away. I don't care what, ain't nobody just gonna let us walk away with a ship that size. -You think the extra strain caused it? Nah. Everything was cool. It's just one of those things. -How about now? Sixty pounds. -Sixty pounds. What? You sure? -What? You sure? That's what it says. -That's what it says. Lemme see. -Are you crazy? Do you realize we got ourselves a ship? We own a ship, Dodge. Yeah, a ship that's supposed to have been lost at sea fifty years ago. You don't think that's just a little freaky? -Fucker! Take it easy, Dodge. It's only a piece of metal. -Take it easy, Dodge. It's only a piece of metal. Damn mind of it's own. -Damn mind of it's own. Morning, skipper. -One minute I'm minding my own business, the next thing I know the whole place is burning up. An oxygen tank must've blown on the welder. Started an oil fire. Looks like it took out the backup genny too. -What's so great about Sweden? It's a beautiful country. Very clean. Very civilized. And cold. -Yeah, but not as cold as those Swedish girls you only gonna dream about. We'll see who's dreamin', m'man. -Where's his boat, then? Where's his crew? He ain't gonna be out here by himself, that's for damn sure. She's so big somebody could come alongside her on the other side and we'd never know it. -Let's not be too hasty. Yeah. Hell, what difference does it make if we report it now or later? We call this in now, gonna be Coastguard, FBI, who knows who, all over the place. -I need lag bolts, especially one inch standard. And sheet metal. Preferably steel, about a sixteenth of an inch. Aluminium, even tin'll do. I ain't no mechanic, just so you know. -I ain't no mechanic, just so you know. You find anything that even looks like a compressor. I don't care what, grab it. -What day is it? I don't know. Tuesday? -I don't know. Tuesday? Wrong. It's Friday. -When they find out what it's carrying, they may not be so interested in what's legal. Maybe you shoulda thought a that before you scuttled our boat. -The turbine blew. Lemme see, was that before or after the oil fire? -You'd think on a ship this size there'd be something left to eat. After fifty years there ain't nothin' left but shoe leather. -Where from? Amidships starboard at the beam. Just under the waterline. I don't think it's a problem. -One more? Why not. -What is your first name? What? -What? It just occurred to me I don't know your first name. All this time and I don't know it. -Maureen. What? -What? Maureen. -Maureen. Maureen? -Roger. Roger? -Roger? Yeah. -You think that's funny No. -Probably slipped her moorings, got tangled up in a current. Out here? What, so a seven hundred foot passenger liner drifted out of Spokane harbor and nobody managed to bump into her until now? -Out here? What, so a seven hundred foot passenger liner drifted out of Spokane harbor and nobody managed to bump into her until now? Somebody's probably looking for her as we speak. -Seeing as though a foot of one of these fuckers weighs about a hundred pounds, it ain't gonna be what you'd call easy. Any questions? Supposing one of those cables breaks under tow. -Supposing one of those cables breaks under tow. Then we'll all be doomed. Any other questions? -Ready? Bring it on, dude. -Nobody just scuttles a passenger liner either. Ever heard of insurance, big boy? -If this thing turns out to be a ship everybody thought sank a long time ago, we just hit the jackpot. Yeah, well how the hell you get something like that wrong? That's a damn big boat. It's either sunk or it ain't. -Last thing we want is extra partners. Or uninvited guests. -This's gonna hurt a little. Thanks for the warning -- Ow! Damn! -What other choices have we got? I tell you one thing, we're not gonna be towing no ship now. -Guess I'll just keep working. What're you crazy? -What're you crazy? I like my job. -Light in those passages ain't so good. I'm telling you, I saw somebody. I don't know who it was. But I saw somebody. -Maybe that is his boat. Gimme a break. -Fifty million dollars. Fifty million. We gonna let this guy just take it from us? One guy? So we kill him? -So we kill him? I'm saying we gotta do whatever we gotta do to preserve our interest. -One guy isn't gonna be so stupid. Maybe he isn't alone. -Pretty handy with that scatter gun, Epps. You raised on a farm? Seen a lota movies. -Smokes? Oh yeah. -I'm no doctor. But I'd say he's in a coma. A what? -A what? I don't know what else you'd call it. He's breathing on his own, but his pupils are completely blown out. He's totally unresponsive to pain. What happened up there? -I don't know what else you'd call it. He's breathing on his own, but his pupils are completely blown out. He's totally unresponsive to pain. What happened up there? I heard a scream. When I got there I found him on the floor. He was having some kind of seizure. I didn't see anybody else. -Other than the obvious, there's nothing wrong with him that I can see, not on the outside. Then what the hell happened to him? -Try Wednesday. Right. Wednesday. -Did you? Hell no. You think I'm crazy? -What say, Epps? You up for some roasted albatross? Why not? -Dodge. Dodge. What? -What? Get up. -Get up. Yeah, yeah. -You aren't jealous, are you Dodge? Are you kidding me? Jealous? Epps? Gimme a break. -What the hell would a freighter be doing up here? It's way out of the lanes. There's not a port for 800 miles. Smugglers maybe. -Yeah, from one side of the harbor to the other. But we got half the Bering Sea and the whole Alaskan gulf to drag her over. You have any idea how much a ship like that could be worth in salvage? The fittings alone could go for a few million. -You have any idea how much a ship like that could be worth in salvage? The fittings alone could go for a few million. If you get it back in one piece. -If you get it back in one piece. It's a risk I'm willing to take. -It's a bloody navigation hazard. One boat can't control a ship that size. The damn thing's been floating around for God knows how long and it hasn't hit anything yet. So we take it easy. A little of the old push pull. -With a little extra fuel, weather permitting, we should make Sitka in five days without another stop. Sounds reasonable. -Mother fucker! What is it? -What is it? Threw a turbine blade. -The number one turbine's pretty well trashed. Number two runs, but it's way underpowered. How long to fix? -How long to fix? Hard to say. I gotta get in there and have a look. At least a couple days. Depending. -What's this? Turbine rotor's shot. -Turbine rotor's shot. I thought you said it was just a blade. -I thought you said it was just a blade. Metal's crystallized. Gotta replace the whole deal. -Metal's crystallized. Gotta replace the whole deal. How much longer's that gonna take? -How much longer's that gonna take? Like I always say -- -Like I always say -- I know I know, two ways to do anything -- -I know I know, two ways to do anything -- The right way and the wrong way. -The right way and the wrong way. But how long? -But how long? Hard to say. -Hard to say. We gotta get outa here, Dodge. A storm blows up and we're history. -We gotta get outa here, Dodge. A storm blows up and we're history. I'm telling you, you don't want to be running that fan like it is. -I'm telling you, you don't want to be running that fan like it is. What about running number two by itself? -What about running number two by itself? It's a full 2500 horses down. We couldn't drag that boat down hill on ice with it. -It's a full 2500 horses down. We couldn't drag that boat down hill on ice with it. How long, then? -How long, then? I gotta pull the blades and re-seat everything in a new rotor -- . -I gotta pull the blades and re-seat everything in a new rotor -- . How long? -How long? Three, four days. -Three, four days. Goddamit, Dodge. -Goddamit, Dodge. What do you want me to tell you, that we can throw this sucker back in and start pulling her like nothing happened? Can't do it, skipper. -Obviously it's some kind of screw up. The shipping records aren't a hundred percent accurate. Man, it gives me the creeps. We got no business towing a ship that size anyway. I say we fix the turbines and hit the highway. -Went aboard. She take a radio? -It's a hell of a lot of money. What, you think there's something funny about it? -What, you think there's something funny about it? A ship with fifty million dollars in gold aboard, adrift? And nobody seems to care enough to come looking for it? -Didn't happen yesterday, I'll tell you that. Torn parts rusted bad as the rest of the boat. Then it happened before they scuttled her. -Or somebody stopped them. Either way, they must've had a pretty good reason. -So what're we gonna do. That's the big question, right? A salvage claim to a vessel's cargo's as valid as a claim to the vessel itself. It's ours. -A salvage claim to a vessel's cargo's as valid as a claim to the vessel itself. It's ours. Then we're rich. We're damn, filthy stinking rich. -Then we're rich. We're damn, filthy stinking rich. It looks like it. -You gotta be kidding? What the hell we need that tub for, we got fifty million bucks? So we get a little more for the boat. Besides, the gold'll be safer where it is. -Yeah, yeah. I'm on it. The sooner we get under way, the sooner we are to spending what's ours. -I'm buyin' me a nice outrigger. Spend my time hauling rich Seattle business men through the Puget. How about you Epps? -Dreamin's all any of you're gonna be doing if we don't get this boat running. Yeah, yeah. -Sounds like the hull. Warm water current maybe, making the metal expand. -If somebody's aboard her already, she ain't ours. She's theirs. Bullshit. That boat hasn't made steam for fifty years. We found her. She's ours. -Bullshit. That boat hasn't made steam for fifty years. We found her. She's ours. Not in the eyes of the law. -I say fuck the motherfucker. We're a professional salvage crew going about our business. What's some yahoo doing way out here by himself anyway? And what do you propose? That we knock this guy off? -And what do you propose? That we knock this guy off? Why not? Why the fuck not? -What if that fucker finds it before we're ready to go? We'll stand a watch. Four on, eight off. Low man first. -If he's reasonable, maybe we can make some kind of deal. If not. We'll have to re-consider our options. Yeah, reconsider fucking his shit up. -Bodies're too fresh. Fresh ain't the first word that comes to mind. -Damn barbaric is what it is. Could be meant as a warning. -That'd be my guess. So whoever did this might still be around. -Can't you use something else? I might be able to find something on the ship. But it's gonna take time. -I might be able to find something on the ship. But it's gonna take time. Do what you need to do. Just do it fast. -Do what you need to do. Just do it fast. Right. -Dodge to Murphy. Murphy. -Murphy. "You better get down here quick, skipper. I'm on ""C"" deck. Cabin 400." -"You better get down here quick, skipper. I'm on ""C"" deck. Cabin 400." What is it? -What is it? I think you better see this for yourself. -It was a man's voice. Repeating some sort of children's rhyme. I don't know, it didn't make any sense. You didn't hear it? Not me. -On a passenger ship in 1953? If they knew what they were carrying. -So. I got a question. Just from a, you know, purely technical standpoint. We call the Coastguard. Coastguard shows up. What exactly is the plan? How do you mean? -How do you mean? Well, they're gonna be asking a lot of questions. About us. About those bodies. About the gold. Seems like we oughta be prepared is all. -Well, they're gonna be asking a lot of questions. About us. About those bodies. About the gold. Seems like we oughta be prepared is all. I guess the best strategy's just to tell them the truth. -I guess the best strategy's just to tell them the truth. Yeah, well. The truth is one thing. When there's more than a few hundred million dollars involved, that's a whole new deal. -Yeah, well. The truth is one thing. When there's more than a few hundred million dollars involved, that's a whole new deal. What do you propose? -What do you propose? For starters, getting that gold off the ship. What they don't know about isn't gonna bother them. -There's no way we're gonna hide a few thousand pounds of gold from the Coastguard here. Besides, it'll be safer where it is. With all due respect, skipper. Part of that up there's mine. I'd kinda like to have a little say in what happens to it. -Just what the hell do you think you're doing?! I don't know what you're talking about? -I don't know what you're talking about? I think you know. -I think you know. Maybe you can tell me then. -The radio! The radio. Oh, yeah, the radio. -Take it easy, willya? What about the radio?! You smashed it! -You smashed it! What?! -What?! Don't lie to me! -Don't lie to me! What the fuck -- ? -What the fuck -- ? You didn't want us calling anybody. Too liable to ruin your big payday. -You didn't want us calling anybody. Too liable to ruin your big payday. I didn't touch the fucking radio. -I didn't touch the fucking radio! Ever occur to you there's somebody else on that boat, skipper? Conveniently enough for you. -Conveniently enough for you. Look, I didn't touch it. Alright? -Yeah. You better get down here right now! We're taking water! Big time! -What the hell happened! Turbine chamber on number two must've blown! Took out part of the hull! -That oughta buy a man pretty much anything he wants. If money can buy what he wants. -If money can buy what he wants. I don't figure there's much I want money can't buy. -I don't figure there's much I want money can't buy. Then you're a lucky man. -We'll stand the watch on deck tonight. You're up first. Right. -Tomorrow we'll see if we can't find some line and tackle. Use some of those bodies below decks for bait. There's a charming thought. -You're late. Sorry. -Sorry. Don't fall asleep. -Don't fall asleep. Right. -What's slow? Maybe twenty gallons an hour. -Morning everybody. Show your tatoos to that coxswain last night, did you Epps? -Show your tatoos to that coxswain last night, did you Epps? Showed him a hell of a lot more than that. -Showed him a hell of a lot more than that. I bet you did. -Could be a fishing boat. Too big. More like a freighter. -Looks like one hell of a stick up his ass. He'd let you off at the nearest port, that's for sure. -You mean, before she sank. Cargo like this could make a crew think twice. -Then why didn't they take it. Probably didn't have time. -Two hundred twenty two kilograms of solid gold. That's what I call a payday. -That's what I call a payday. Hell yeah. -That's a good thing? Hell, yeah. I like it cold. Colder the better. -What'd he look like? Maybe six feet. Lanky. I didn't get a good look. He was far away. But I saw him. I saw him as sure as you're standing there. -Coffee. You're a pal. -Stay away. Or else. Because of the gold. -Any dizziness? No. -No. Headache, nausea, lights? -Headache, nausea, lights? Lights? -Lights? Sudden flashes of light. -Sudden flashes of light. I feel fine. -I don't even want to know what that's gonna taste like now. Better than starving to death. -You okay? Yeah. Fine. I just thought I heard something is all. -Yeah. Fine. I just thought I heard something is all. What? -What? Nothing. Let's get outa here. -I can't believe you. Dodge's dead and all you can think about is cashing in your share. I didn't sign up to go home empty handed. And I sure ain't gonna roll over for the freaky motherfucker did this. -Candy? It's my pen name. -Go on. Salvage fees on a vessel like this could come in around four million bucks. At least. Who knows, could be more. Could be a lot more. What I'm proposing is... we split it four ways. -The law's on our side. If they want to challenge it, let them try. They must've scuttled it. Nobody just lets a ship float away. -Coffee? Yeah. Thanks. -What'd you find up there? Some charts. A crew manifest. Looks like her last voyage was January 1953. The question is where the hell's she been since. -Some charts. A crew manifest. Looks like her last voyage was January 1953. The question is where the hell's she been since. She was sailing up north, right? -She was sailing up north, right? Her destination was Halifax, yeah. -Her destination was Halifax, yeah. Well, suppose she got a little further north than she should have. Got stuck in the ice. The passengers and crew evacuated. She froze into the ice pack, which moved further north, where it froze in solid. They write it off. Fifty years later, the whole global warming thing happens. The ice melts, she gets loose and floats around til somebody runs into her. -Ever heard of the Mary Celeste? Nope. -Nope. She was a two-masted brig boat sailing out of New York in 1872. One day she was sighted off the coast of Portugal by a merchant vessel, the Dei Gratia. As the crew of the Dei Gratia got closer, they discovered that no one was at the helm of the Mary Celeste. On boarding, they found her completely deserted. The captain, his wife, their daughter, and the entire crew, all gone. The last entry in their log made no mention of any trouble. The table was even set for dinner. And in the nine days after the last entry, she sailed 700 miles without anyone aboard. -She was a two-masted brig boat sailing out of New York in 1872. One day she was sighted off the coast of Portugal by a merchant vessel, the Dei Gratia. As the crew of the Dei Gratia got closer, they discovered that no one was at the helm of the Mary Celeste. On boarding, they found her completely deserted. The captain, his wife, their daughter, and the entire crew, all gone. The last entry in their log made no mention of any trouble. The table was even set for dinner. And in the nine days after the last entry, she sailed 700 miles without anyone aboard. So what did happen? -So what did happen? Nobody knows. There've been a lot of theories, of course. But we'll never really know for sure. -Nobody knows. There've been a lot of theories, of course. But we'll never really know for sure. You think she's sailing without a crew? -I think we'd be surprised where a drifting ship might wind up with a little wind and the right current. You're more practical than superstitious. -You're more practical than superstitious. Only way to be. -Maybe they didn't want it back. Maybe the whole fat deal was insured. Maybe. But there's always somebody whose interest's at stake. -Why not call for help? For now the best thing we can do is to keep quiet about this. -Take it easy, you'll live longer. Did you see him? -Did you see him? Who? -Who? The guy. He just came this way. -The guy. He just came this way. What guy? -What guy? There's somebody else on this boat. -There's somebody else on this boat. What? What the hell're you talking about. -What? What the hell're you talking about. I saw him. Just a minute ago. Some guy. -I saw him. Just a minute ago. Some guy. Are you sure? -Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. I saw him. -Of course I'm sure. I saw him. You sure it wasn't me? -You sure it wasn't me? It wasn't you. It was somebody else. There's somebody else aboard. -So, we find this guy and make a deal with him. We don't exactly have the best bargaining position. -Guess that'd be me. Again. Dodge, get on that turbine. I don't care if you don't sleep for a week. The sooner you're done, the sooner we can get out of here. How's the food situation? -No cowboy shit up there, understand? No cowboy shit. Right. -Got your light? Yup. -Murphy to Epps. Epps. -Epps. You just shoot at something? -You just shoot at something? Yeah. Just a bird. Just a stupid bird. -Just before I heard him yell there was somebody on the radio. Greer? -Greer? I don't know. No. Not Greer. Somebody. -He needs a doctor. I'll call us in. Dodge, see how many signal flares you can scrounge up. Keep an eye on him. -How's he doing? Same. Any luck? -Same. Any luck? No. I'll try again later. -They're dead in the water that morning. Four hours later the captain's relieved of his command. And that evening they issue a general SOS. Possibly false. Hence the IMA record of being lost at sea. I don't think mutiny's out of the question here. -You're saying they mutinied for the gold? If they were close enough to shore, they probably figured they could get away in the lifeboats. -If they were close enough to shore, they probably figured they could get away in the lifeboats. Only something must've gone wrong. -The ah... the radio's out. What? -What? Somebody took it out of commission last night. -Smashed it up pretty bad. But, who -- ? -"""The crew have gone mad with greed and fight among themselves like wild dogs over fresh kill.""" February first. -February first. The same day she supposedly went down. -The same day she supposedly went down. Must not've been the captain's entry. He was probably out of the picture by then. -"""Their lacking diligence has undoubtedly caused the collision. Distress calls have been made.""" Collision? With what? -Collision? With what? The page's missing. Then their SOS was real. -The page's missing. Then their SOS was real. But where's the damage? -But where's the damage? Maybe the other ship took the worst of it. -Maybe the other ship took the worst of it. If it was a ship she hit. -It's a good bet they'll be asking a lot of questions when they get here too. Let 'em ask. This ship's legally ours now. -It's not gonna hold us. Doesn't matter. -Hey. Hey. -Hey. Couldn't sleep. -Couldn't sleep. Wish I could say the same. -What do you think happened on this boat? I guess that's the sixty four thousand dollar question, isn't it? -I guess that's the sixty four thousand dollar question, isn't it? The what? -The what? Never mind. Before your time. I think at least some of the crew went a little nuts. The usual stuff that happens when people stumble on a fortune. Equal parts greed and paranoia, usually resulting in homicide. What happened after that is anybody's guess. But, judging by our Greek friends down below, it doesn't look like the last time. -Never mind. Before your time. I think at least some of the crew went a little nuts. The usual stuff that happens when people stumble on a fortune. Equal parts greed and paranoia, usually resulting in homicide. What happened after that is anybody's guess. But, judging by our Greek friends down below, it doesn't look like the last time. Are we smart enough to avoid that? -Are we smart enough to avoid that? I don't know, are we? -When you found me yesterday, at the pool. I'd seen... something. Someone. Not our mystery guest again. -Not our mystery guest again. No. Someone else. A girl. I'm not sure she was... real. -What, like some kind of ghost? I don't know what else you'd call her. One second she was there, the next she was gone. -Maybe hallucination is the wrong word. It was more than that. As though they were showing me. Showing you what? -Showing you what? What happened. -What happened. Maybe it was one of them did the handy work on those Greeks. -Maybe it was one of them did the handy work on those Greeks. No. I think they are, were, just passengers. Innocent victims. -No. I think they are, were, just passengers. Innocent victims. Victims of what? -Victims of what? Something bad happened here, Murphy. -Something bad happened here, Murphy. That much I think we've already established. -That much I think we've already established. More than just a mutiny. More than just the gold. -She said the ship was evil. That we had to leave right away. That if we didn't, we might never leave. What's that supposed to mean? -What's that supposed to mean? I don't know. -Why you? How come the rest of us haven't seen these people? Just lucky I guess. -Murphy to Epps. Epps, over. -Epps, over. Either of you seen Dodge? -Nope. He's not on deck and I can't raise him on the radio. -Epps? You there? Right here. -What do we do with him? Leave him till we can get some help. From now on, nobody comes down here. -What do you think? "Could be a stroke. Who knows? The general log said the crew were fighting among themselves. ""Like wild dogs.""" -"Could be a stroke. Who knows? The general log said the crew were fighting among themselves. ""Like wild dogs.""" Over the gold. -Over the gold. Maybe it was more than that. -They went crazy. Crazy with greed. Not crazy. Not like him. -Hard to say which is worse, staying here or taking our chances in open water. If the weather holds it might not be so bad. -If the weather holds it might not be so bad. It's not the weather I'm worried about. The wrong current could drag us as far as the Aleutians before we come across another boat. -What happened? We hit land. -We hit land. What? -What? We're in an island chain. It's only a matter of time before we hit another one. -We're in an island chain. It's only a matter of time before we hit another one. Greer's gone. He broke out of the tank. -You killed them. It was only a matter of time before somebody killed somebody. You saw it coming as well as I did. Dodge had his plans, starting with scuttling the boat. And Greer too, except he went nuts. Couldn't take it, I guess. Could've happened in the middle of downtown Anchorage. But did it make him any less dangerous? I don't think so. -It was only a matter of time before somebody killed somebody. You saw it coming as well as I did. Dodge had his plans, starting with scuttling the boat. And Greer too, except he went nuts. Couldn't take it, I guess. Could've happened in the middle of downtown Anchorage. But did it make him any less dangerous? I don't think so. So you killed them? -So you killed them? The way I figure it, it was them or me. I thought putting Dodge up on that pipe was a nice touch? Bought a little time. Made it look like whoever killed those Greeks was still around. But it's just us on this ship. Us and your... spirit friends. -The way I figure it, it was them or me. I thought putting Dodge up on that pipe was a nice touch? Bought a little time. Made it look like whoever killed those Greeks was still around. But it's just us on this ship. Us and your... spirit friends. And now you're gonna kill me, is that it? -And now you're gonna kill me, is that it? I didn't want it to turn out this way. -I didn't want it to turn out this way. Murphy, don't you see what's happening? -Murphy, don't you see what's happening? I think I see it pretty well. -I think I see it pretty well. It's the ship. The ship's making you think this way. -It's the ship. The ship's making you think this way. I know a little bit about human nature and what I've seen only confirms that. -I know a little bit about human nature and what I've seen only confirms that. It's a trap. There was no way we were gonna get away with that gold. Nobody ever does. It's just the bait. This ship sucks people in and it never lets them out. -It's a trap. There was no way we were gonna get away with that gold. Nobody ever does. It's just the bait. This ship sucks people in and it never lets them out. I think maybe you been on this boat a little too long, with all that supernatural mumbo jumbo. There's nothing supernatural about greed. And that's what it comes down to, pure and simple. -I think maybe you been on this boat a little too long, with all that supernatural mumbo jumbo. There's nothing supernatural about greed. And that's what it comes down to, pure and simple. I don't give a damn about the gold. -I don't give a damn about the gold. I wish I could believe that. Either way, you know what I've done. I've got no choice. -Greer to Murphy. Go. -The number nine on the starboard side's half flooded. Epps says it's a slow leak just under the waterline, about twenty gallons an hour. They must've pumped it before we left Sitka. Of course they did. -Of course they did. Let the buyer beware. -Let the buyer beware. What do you say, Dodge? -Not bad for dragging a leaky tub half way to Russia. He'll sell the scrap for three times what he paid. -He'll sell the scrap for three times what he paid. I must be in the wrong business. -I must be in the wrong business. You got that right. -You got that right. "Better than ""making hamburger for Mickey D.""" -Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky in morning, sailor take warning. -Yeah. There's a large vessel out about ten miles to the north-west. -I been watching it for close to an hour and it hasn't moved. I can't raise it on the radio either. Makes me think it might be in trouble. Alright. I'll be right up. -Too deep to anchor out there. Looks like it's adrift. -Call the Coastguard? Steer to one eight five. Let's check her out. -It's funny. How's that? -How's that? Besides a little rust, everything's pretty well-preserved. -Murphy, goddamit. Sorry. -Whatever the reason, she's adrift and abandoned. We've got every right to salvage her. You mean tow her back? That's a thirty thousand ton ship you're talking about. -You mean tow her back? That's a thirty thousand ton ship you're talking about. We've done it before. -All we got to do is hit some rough weather and you can forget about it. So we cut her loose and wait it out. A little weather couldn't be anything she hasn't seen before. -Some classy tub in it's day, huh? Yeah. -Morning. You're up late. -You're up late. Guess I must've fallen back to sleep. Where's Epps? -How much you figure that's worth, skipper? Hard to say. Maybe forty, fifty million. -Hard to say. Maybe forty, fifty million. Ho, baby! -If they thought it was lost at sea, they probably just wrote it off. Not for fifty million. An ocean liner maybe. But fifty million in gold, they come looking for. -So what? We gonna unload the gold and get a move on? We leave it where it is. Stick to the plan. -Yeah, but we still gotta haul that big piece of shit all the way back to Sitka. It's worth the effort. Believe me. Besides we're gonna need her to prove the salvage. -I heard that. Dodge, you gotta get on those repairs. -What now? We could call for help. -We could call for help. And get a bunch of fools sniffin' around here? -Fifty million four ways. That's twelve million and change a piece. What you gonna do with your share, skipper? Not much at all, I guess. Retire. Live out my golden years and all that. -Greer? Moving to Sweden. -I don't know. Let's just take it easy here, alright? Nobody's gonna kill anybody. -Let's just take it easy here, alright? Nobody's gonna kill anybody. Supposing he wants to get bad with us? -I say we off-load some of that gold now. Would you hold on just a minute here, please? Look, there's no reason to panic now. Epps saw somebody. Fine. It's a big boat. Chances're real good he doesn't even know about the gold. If we stay cool, nobody'll be the wiser. The gold stays where it is til we're ready to go. Like I said, it'll be a hell of a lot safer there than here. -Pretty low all around. We'll have to take it easy then. I don't think we'll find much aboard the ship, but it's probably worth looking around. -Ho-ly shit. Couldn't have happened much more than a month ago. -Greek citizen. Merchant navy. Obviously we aren't the first to come across this ship. They probably stumbled across it just like we did. And look what happened. -Maybe Epps's mystery man had something to do with it. Maybe. -Never been more thirsty in my life. Drink up then. -How're you feeling? Lost my sea legs. -What happened? You don't remember? -You don't remember? Last thing I remember I was aboard the Chimera. Down somewhere in there scavenging around. -Last thing I remember I was aboard the Chimera. Down somewhere in there scavenging around. You've been out for about a day. -You've been out for about a day. Say what? -Say what? Dodge found you out cold in one of the cabins. -Oh, man. We heard you scream. Any idea what you might've seen? -We heard you scream. Any idea what you might've seen? I wish I could tell you. I'd be real interested to know myself. -We're not gonna be able to pump it! Alright. Everybody grab your gear! This' is where we get off! -We ain't exactly in what you'd call your high traffic neighborhood either. The coast guard has our last position. They'll send somebody out soon enough. A ship this size you can't exactly miss. -Gettin' a little hot under the collar, I'd say. Shut up. -Shut up. Must be a little too the truth, eh Dodge? -It's a Noaa buoy. A what? -A what? Government weather. It's got a transmitter aboard. -We're still drifting. The mooring hasn't come taught. -He took the shotgun and a light. Must've heard something below deck and went down to check it out. -Can't find the shotgun. So whoever did this now has our shotgun. -So whoever did this now has our shotgun. Doesn't look like it much matters. -What about the gold? Leave it. -Leave it. Now hold up just a minute. Let's be reasonable here. -Now hold up just a minute. Let's be reasonable here. You think whoever did this is reasonable? -You think whoever did this is reasonable? All I'm saying is that gold's worth a lot more to us now than it ever was. -Nobody's going anywhere with that gold now. Anybody tries to board, we'll know about it. You can do what you want, Greer. But neither of us is gonna risk saving your ass down here if it comes to that. Fine with me. -What seems to be the trouble, ladies? Whyn't you mind your own business, chief. -As I said, what seems to be the trouble? Didn't you hear me, grandpa? Or you got your hearing aid turned down? -Didn't you hear me, grandpa? Or you got your hearing aid turned down? I heard you. But I'm choosing to ignore you. Epps, let's go. -These ladies was having themselves a discussion and you're interrupting it. You got about two seconds to get your paws off me, Tarzan. -You got about two seconds to get your paws off me, Tarzan. Or what? -I thought you say Tuesday. Better late than never. -Better late than never. What's this? -What's this? You got a leak in the number nine compartment. -You got a leak in the number nine compartment. No, no. You got leak. -No, no. You got leak. You pump it out and re-seam the hull, she'll be good as new. -You pump it out and re-seam the hull, she'll be good as new. That cost me twenty grand at least. -That cost me twenty grand at least. Fifteen, at the most. -Fifteen, at the most. Twenty. You knock off twenty and then we see. After my guy looks at it. -You're kidding, right? You want fair pay, make hamburger for Mickey D. Otherwise, please to sign. -Have you seen my blue spatula? Nope. What are you making, pancakes? -Nope. What are you making, pancakes? Not if I don't find that goddamn spatula. -Will you get off my back for once? It's tough to find a good job without any kind of training. -It's tough to find a good job without any kind of training. Look, I told you I'm not going to college. -Look, I told you I'm not going to college. Well, I think it's good to keep all your options open. You can always enroll for the winter quarter. You could even live here and go to the city college part time, and still get a job if you wanted to. -Well, I think it's good to keep all your options open. You can always enroll for the winter quarter. You could even live here and go to the city college part time, and still get a job if you wanted to. Look at me -- I'm not even listening to a word you're saying. -Did I tell you who I ran into at the bagel place? Who? -Who? Guess. -Guess. How should I know? -How should I know? Someone from the past. -Someone from the past. Who? -Who? Give up? -Give up? YES. -YES. Maxine. -Maxine. Not the Maxine? -Not the Maxine? Yup. -Yup. God, how horrifying. -Hi. Look, I'm kind of tired - I think I'll go to bed. I made spaghetti. Do you want some? -I made spaghetti. Do you want some? I-I really have to get up early for class tomorrow. -I have some good news for you, Pumpkin. What is it now? -What is it now? Are you still looking for a job? -Are you still looking for a job? I guess. -I guess. Well, Maxine thinks she can get you a sales job at Computer Station. Normally you have to have references and at least two years of experience, but she thinks she can convince them. -Well, Maxine thinks she can get you a sales job at Computer Station. Normally you have to have references and at least two years of experience, but she thinks she can convince them. Tell her to forget it - I don't need her help. -Pumpkin? What's wrong? Nothing. -It's nothing -- it's just some hormonal thing... don't worry about it... I've got some important news to tell you, but it can wait till later if you're not feeling... -I've got some important news to tell you, but it can wait till later if you're not feeling... What? -What? Well... as you know, Maxine and I have been seeing a lot of each other, and we decided it might be a good idea for all of us if she came back here to live at the end of the Summer, just so we can all get to know each other and to make sure this is what we want. -Pumpkin, are you in there? Are you going to yell at me? -Are you going to yell at me? About what? -About what? Yeah, I heard about that. -Yeah, I heard about that. I was in a horrible mood - tell her not to worry, I'll be completely out of her life in a few days. -I was in a horrible mood - tell her not to worry, I'll be completely out of her life in a few days. She understands what you're going through and she really wants to help you. She says that job at Computer Station is still available if you want it. -She understands what you're going through and she really wants to help you. She says that job at Computer Station is still available if you want it. I-I'm not sure... yeah, maybe. -I-I'm not sure... yeah, maybe. Actually, I was just checking to see if you were here - your friend Seymour is on his way up. -Actually, I was just checking to see if you were here - your friend Seymour is on his way up. "What do you mean ""on his way up""!?" -"What do you mean ""on his way up""!?" I just buzzed him in. -What's wrong with you?! Tell him I'm not here! But I can't -- -But I can't -- JUST DO IT! -That was great - jeez, thanks again for cooking all this. Oh I love to cook. I guess most women wouldn't invite a man over on the first date, but I believe you should trust your instincts. When I talked to you on the phone you just seemed so... I don't know... harmless. Ready for ice cream? -Here we are... it's mocha mint from Lickety Splits. Oh, isn't that photograph just heart-rending? Yeah ... where is this? Bosnia? -Yeah ... where is this? Bosnia? Was it Bosnia? I forget... It's so sad, the tragedy of an entire country eloquently captured in the face of one little boy. A Soul/Funk song starts up on the radio that catches her attention. She goes over and turns it up. -Was it Bosnia? I forget... It's so sad, the tragedy of an entire country eloquently captured in the face of one little boy. A Soul/Funk song starts up on the radio that catches her attention. She goes over and turns it up. Oh, I just love this song! Isn't it great? Doesn't it make you want to dance? C'mon! -Oh, I just love this song! Isn't it great? Doesn't it make you want to dance? C'mon! Uh, well, that's okay - I don't dance, heh, heh... -Uh, well, that's okay - I don't dance, heh, heh... Don't be silly, anyone can dance. Here, just follow me... watch my feet. -Don't be silly, anyone can dance. Here, just follow me... watch my feet. No, really I -- -Hey, it's nearly nine already - we're gonna have to leave now if we're going to make that movie. Oh, all right... Party-pooper! Just let me put a few things away. -I'm so excited to see this film - Dustoffvarnya is such a brilliant director! Did you see his last film, The Flower That Drank The Moon? It was simply glorious! Uh, no. I missed that one. But what do I know? I like Laurel and Hardy movies. -Uh, no. I missed that one. But what do I know? I like Laurel and Hardy movies. Really? I never really cared for those. Why does the fat one always have to be so mean to the skinny one? -Seymour?... uh... hello... I guess I'm a little early... Dana! Hi! Uh, Dana... this is Enid... -Dana! Hi! Uh, Dana... this is Enid... Hello... -Seymour! Hello! What are you doing here? Oh -- please - don't let me interrupt finish your phone call. -Oh -- please - don't let me interrupt finish your phone call. We're almost done. Hi. Yeah... no, it's excluded. They've already paid the earnest money... well, let them bring it up if they notice it at the final walk through. Right, great, sounds good! -Hey... so, what brings you down here? I uh... I feel that I need to uh -- there's something I feel I have to say... I uh, I've never said this to anyone before -- believe me, I've stayed in horrible relationships for years just so I wouldn't have to do this, but I uh... -I uh... I feel that I need to uh -- there's something I feel I have to say... I uh, I've never said this to anyone before -- believe me, I've stayed in horrible relationships for years just so I wouldn't have to do this, but I uh... What are you trying to say? -What are you trying to say? It's just that I feel like it's maybe not a good idea for us to keep going out. -I-I honestly never intended for this to happen... Please tell me it isn't that teenager! -Please tell me it isn't that teenager! Enid and I were just friends. You know... we feel comfortable around each other... she really likes my old records and... -Enid and I were just friends. You know... we feel comfortable around each other... she really likes my old records and... I can't believe this! I thought at the very least a guy like you would never pull this kind of shit on me! -And what can you tell us about this... Enid. It's sort of like a diary I guess. -Who is this, Enid? It's supposed to be Don Knotts. -It's supposed to be Don Knotts. And what was your reason for choosing him as your subject? -And what was your reason for choosing him as your subject? I dunno... I just like Don Knotts. -I dunno... I just like Don Knotts. I see... interesting... -These are all valid comments, but I think we should see if the artist has anything to bring to this. Well, I got the idea when I was doing some research and I discovered that Cook's Chicken used to be called Coon's Chicken, and so I decided to do my project based on this discovery as kind of a comment on racism... and the way racism is whitewashed over in our culture... -Well, I got the idea when I was doing some research and I discovered that Cook's Chicken used to be called Coon's Chicken, and so I decided to do my project based on this discovery as kind of a comment on racism... and the way racism is whitewashed over in our culture... Did you actually do this painting? -Did you actually do this painting? "Well, no - it's more like a ""found art object.""" -"Well, no - it's more like a ""found art object.""" And how do you think this addresses the subject of racism? -And how do you think this addresses the subject of racism? It's complicated... I guess I'm trying to show how racism used to -- more out in the open and now it's hidden, or something... -It's complicated... I guess I'm trying to show how racism used to -- more out in the open and now it's hidden, or something... And how does an image like this help us to see that? -And how does an image like this help us to see that? I'm not sure... I mean... I guess because when we see something like this it seems really shocking and we have to figure out why it's so shocking? -Enid, can I talk to you for a minute? Uh-oh. -Uh-oh. Don't worry - it's nothing bad. I was just wondering what your plans were for next year? -Don't worry - it's nothing bad. I was just wondering what your plans were for next year? I'm not really sure - working, I guess... -I'm not really sure - working, I guess... Well, I know this is really short notice, but I got a call from a very close friend at the Academy of Art & Design and she tells me that I'm allowed to place one student from your graduating class in a one year scholarship program... and, well, I hope you don't mind, Enid, but I took the liberty of submitting your name. -Hmm. As far as I know it includes housing and meals and everything... it is really quite an offer... -As far as I know it includes housing and meals and everything... it is really quite an offer... ...wow... -...wow... So what do you think? -So what do you think? I dunno... Would I have to take classes and stuff? -I dunno... Would I have to take classes and stuff? Well, yes... -Well, yes... I... -I... Let me know as soon as you can, Enid. This could be a great thing for you. -Enid! I'm so sorry about what happened. What do you mean? -What do you mean? The whole business with the art show and the newspaper -- it's absolutely -- -The whole business with the art show and the newspaper -- it's absolutely -- Huh? -Huh? Didn't Principal Jaffee call you? -Didn't Principal Jaffee call you? I didn't check my messages... -I didn't check my messages... Oh my goodness... well, the whole thing is just ridiculous, and as soon as the school board is back in session next Fall I'm going to do everything I can to help you. -Oh my goodness... well, the whole thing is just ridiculous, and as soon as the school board is back in session next Fall I'm going to do everything I can to help you. Help me what? -Help me what? Well they're forcing me to give you a non-passing grade in the class because of what happened at the exhibition... but don't worry -- I'm sure I'll be able to get you your diploma in the Fall! -Well they're forcing me to give you a non-passing grade in the class because of what happened at the exhibition... but don't worry -- I'm sure I'll be able to get you your diploma in the Fall! But... can I still get that scholarship to the Art Academy? -But... can I still get that scholarship to the Art Academy? I'm sorry, Enid - you have to be an official high school graduate before I can nominate you. I had to give it to someone else... But I'm sure next year I can -- -I'm gonna let you handle the four thirty crowd by yourself - that way I can evaluate your performance while it's slow and ease you into the bigger crowds. You can count on me, sir! -What are you doing? You don't ever criticize the feature! Why? What difference does it make? You already got his money... -Why? What difference does it make? You already got his money... Look, that's the policy... if you want to make up your own rules you can open your own theater... -Look, that's the policy... if you want to make up your own rules you can open your own theater... But I was only trying to be friendly... -But I was only trying to be friendly... Look, we don't pay you to be a movie critic -- just do your job. -Look, we don't pay you to be a movie critic -- just do your job. Okay, okay... I won't say a word... -What the hell is wrong with you?! What? I'm just kidding around with the customers... It's my shtick! -What? I'm just kidding around with the customers... It's my shtick! Well lose it! And why aren't you pushing the large sizes? Didn't you get training about upsizing? -Well lose it! And why aren't you pushing the large sizes? Didn't you get training about upsizing? But I feel weird... it's so sleazy. -But I feel weird... it's so sleazy. It's not optional! -It's not optional! Jesus... -Well hello there, young employee of the Sidewinder. Look, I already told you I'm not going to give you a ride. -Look, I already told you I'm not going to give you a ride. "What can you tell me, young man, about the various flavors of ""frozen yogurt""?" -"What can you tell me, young man, about the various flavors of ""frozen yogurt""?" Look, I'll be done in a minute. Just wait outside. -Look, I'll be done in a minute. Just wait outside. I'm afraid I don't understand. I simply wish to know -- -So Josh... Look, can we talk in a minute? I'm almost done. -That guy rules! Who, Doug? He spends more time here than I do... -Who, Doug? He spends more time here than I do... So Josh, will you give us a ride? Please? Pretty please? It's going to be super fun! -So Josh, will you give us a ride? Please? Pretty please? It's going to be super fun! No. -Why do you even need a ride? You could walk there in two minutes. It's just an excuse for us to spend time with you. -Aren't there a million places like this? This is the ultimate. It's like the Taj Mahal of bad, fake 50's diners. -This is the ultimate. It's like the Taj Mahal of bad, fake 50's diners. "So, where's ""Weird Al""?" -"So, where's ""Weird Al""?" SHH! He's back there. I can see his hair bobbing up and down. -Yeah, right. No, I'm serious. Give us your whole basic philosophy in a nutshell. -That's not him... Jesus, stop freaking me out. In answer to your question, I suppose I endorse policies that are opposed to stupidity and violence and cruelty in any form... -In answer to your question, I suppose I endorse policies that are opposed to stupidity and violence and cruelty in any form... I figured something like that... -Jesus, look at this guy. Oh my God, that's HIM! -Forget it. Come on, Josh... don't you want to see where he lives? -Come on, Josh... don't you want to see where he lives? No. -No. But this guy is like a one-of-kind, rare butterfly, and we have to follow him back to his natural habitat... -But this guy is like a one-of-kind, rare butterfly, and we have to follow him back to his natural habitat... You need counseling. -Hi Josh. Hi. -Hi. I just stopped in to say hi. -I just stopped in to say hi. Yeah, well... hi... -Hi... what's up? Can I come in? -Are you the one who left that note? I guess. -Do you want something to drink? Why? -Why? "What do you mean ""why""?" -"What do you mean ""why""?" Are you trying to get me wasted so you can take advantage of my womanly charms? -Are you trying to get me wasted so you can take advantage of my womanly charms? Yeah, right... -Yeah, right... """Yeah, right""... well why not? What's so wrong with me?" -"""Yeah, right""... well why not? What's so wrong with me?" Nothing. -Nothing. Then why do you hate me so much? -Then why do you hate me so much? When did I say I hated you? -When did I say I hated you? You've never once said anything even remotely nice to me. -You've never once said anything even remotely nice to me. You make me nervous! I always feel like you're going out of your way to make me feel uncomfortable so you can laugh at me! -You make me nervous! I always feel like you're going out of your way to make me feel uncomfortable so you can laugh at me! That's just the way I am! -That's just the way I am! Yeah, well -- -Yeah, well -- It's just my stupid way of getting attention! God, I practically love you, Josh! -You must have known all along how I -- you know -- how I felt about you -- it must be totally obvious... God... I always used to dream about this... Why do you have that stupid poster? -Oh, hi... Why do all guys have to play stupid guitars? It's so typical... Either they're into cars or guns or sports or guitars... it's so obvious... -Why do all guys have to play stupid guitars? It's so typical... Either they're into cars or guns or sports or guitars... it's so obvious... How long have you been up? -How long have you been up? I couldn't sleep... I should get going; I feel really weird... -I couldn't sleep... I should get going; I feel really weird... Do you want to go get breakfast somewhere? -Do you want to go get breakfast somewhere? I don't think we should... Look, you have to totally promise me you won't tell Becky about this. -I don't think we should... Look, you have to totally promise me you won't tell Becky about this. Why not? -Why not? Because if you do, I'll kill you! -Because if you do, I'll kill you! Okay... I promise. -Okay... I promise. Just take my word for it... if she ever finds out about this I'll never hear the end of it... -Hi Enid. Hey Josh. -Hey Josh. Are you ready to go? -God, what a bunch of retards... I thought Chipmunk-face was never going to shut up. -I thought Chipmunk-face was never going to shut up. I know, I liked her better when she was an alcoholic crack addict! She gets in one car wreck and all of a sudden she's Little Miss Perfect and everybody loves her. -I know, I liked her better when she was an alcoholic crack addict! She gets in one car wreck and all of a sudden she's Little Miss Perfect and everybody loves her. It's totally sickening. Let's see if they gave me the right diploma... -What?... Oh suck my fucking dick! What? -What? These assholes are saying that I have to go to Summer school and take some stupid art class! -These assholes are saying that I have to go to Summer school and take some stupid art class! Why? -Why? "Remember that stupid hippie art teacher who failed me sophomore year? I didn't think that just because you get an ""F"" that means you have to take the class over again." -"Remember that stupid hippie art teacher who failed me sophomore year? I didn't think that just because you get an ""F"" that means you have to take the class over again." You loser. -This is so bad, it's almost good. This is so bad it's gone past good and back to bad again... -Just think, we'll never have to see any of these creepy faces ever again. Unless they're in your Summer school class! -Unless they're in your Summer school class! Shut up! -Shut up! Uh oh... don't turn around... -Uh oh... don't turn around... What? Why? -What? Why? Forget it... -"Since when is she an ""actress""?" I know, she needs to die immediately. -Oh my god, look! Is Stacy Himmler going out with Rod Harbaugh? How perfect. -How perfect. He better watch out or he'll get AIDS when he date-rapes her. -God, just think, we'll never see Dennis again. Good. -Good. God, think about that... that's actually totally depressing. -Hi. Look at these people behind you. I'm totally convinced they're Satanists. -Look at these people behind you. I'm totally convinced they're Satanists. Why? -Why? Just look at them! -So, when are we going to start looking for our apartment? Soon... I have to wait and see how this Summer class goes. -Soon... I have to wait and see how this Summer class goes. Did you sign up yet? -Did you sign up yet? Yeah, I just picked the one that sounded the easiest. -Yeah, I just picked the one that sounded the easiest. God, it's so weird that we're finally out of high school... We've been waiting for this our whole life! Now we can get our own apartment and do anything we want. It's such a weird feeling. -God, it's so weird that we're finally out of high school... We've been waiting for this our whole life! Now we can get our own apartment and do anything we want. It's such a weird feeling. I know, it hasn't really hit me yet. -Hey, look, the satanists are leaving! We should follow them! -Much later. In fact, never. -What do you do if you're a satanist, anyway? You know, sacrifice virgins and stuff... -You know, sacrifice virgins and stuff... That lets us off the hook. -Maybe there's some weird secret satanic society that meets at the Quality Cafe and all of the other regular customers are in on it except for us. Or maybe not. -Or maybe not. Maybe they're slowly poisoning us or they're planning to brainwash us and -- -Maybe they're slowly poisoning us or they're planning to brainwash us and -- Okay, okay! -Okay, okay! Hey, look at this... -"""Authentic 50's diner""? Since when were there mini-malls in the 1950's?" God, it's so totally pathetic. -Who can forget this great hit from the 50's? I feel as though I've stepped into a time warp! -Hi, Al! "Can we call you ""Weird Al""?" -I might actually get the pasta special. You loser! -"Did you notice all those weird things on the menu? Like ""The Salad Explosion""?" "I know... and instead of ""dessert"" it says ""Mindbenders.""" -"I know... and instead of ""dessert"" it says ""Mindbenders.""" What does that even mean? -Check out the Personals... maybe our future husbands are trying to contact us. "God, this paper is so boring. Who reads all this shit? Here we go... ""Windsurfing Doctor, Mensan IQ, maverick Sagittarius. Let's hit the clubs, make each other laugh!""" -"God, this paper is so boring. Who reads all this shit? Here we go... ""Windsurfing Doctor, Mensan IQ, maverick Sagittarius. Let's hit the clubs, make each other laugh!""" You can have that one. -You can have that one. "Okay, well here's yours... ""Who said all the most eligible bachelors are taken? Not this one! Stunning bod, very snugglelicious ocean sunset dreamer.""" -"Okay, well here's yours... ""Who said all the most eligible bachelors are taken? Not this one! Stunning bod, very snugglelicious ocean sunset dreamer.""" Gross. -"Jesus! Listen to this one: ""Do you remember me? Airport shuttle, June 7th. You: striking redhead with yellow dress, pearl necklace, brown shoes. I was the bookish fellow in the green cardigan who helped you find your contact lens. Am I crazy, or did we have a moment?""" God, that's so pathetic. I bet she didn't even notice him. -God, that's so pathetic. I bet she didn't even notice him. I know. And he's like psychotically obsessing over every little detail. -I know. And he's like psychotically obsessing over every little detail. We should call him and pretend to be the redhead. -We should call him and pretend to be the redhead. Oh, we totally have to. -Does Oomie really like this show? Isn't it weird? It's her favorite. -So what should we do? Wait... I just want to see what's on this tape. -Wait... I just want to see what's on this tape. What is this? -What is this? I dunno. John Ellis always puts on all this sick stuff that I have to fast-forward past to get to the good stuff. There's supposed to be a Don Knotts movie on here someplace. -Hey - why do you have this? You lent it to me in like tenth grade. -You lent it to me in like tenth grade. I've been looking all over for this. -Look at how cute I am! What a little hosebag. -Look, that's back when I hated you. I remember every minute of that party. -I remember every minute of that party. There's my dad with Joanie. -There's my dad with Joanie. I can never keep them all straight - was she the super-bitch? -I can never keep them all straight - was she the super-bitch? No, she was the second wife. The third one was the super-bitch - Maxine. There! Look at her! -I want to do him! I bet! Actually he reminds me of that one creep you went out with -- you always go for guys with some lame, fake shtick. -I bet! Actually he reminds me of that one creep you went out with -- you always go for guys with some lame, fake shtick. What are you talking about -- who? -What are you talking about -- who? That Larry guy -- what look was he going for? A gay tennis player from the forties? -That Larry guy -- what look was he going for? A gay tennis player from the forties? Fuck you! -Hey! We forgot to call the loser! Which loser? -Which loser? You know, the green cardigan guy. -You know, the green cardigan guy. Oh yeah. -You call. Why do I always have to do it? -Why do I always have to do it? You're better at it. -You're better at it. "I remember when I first started reading these I thought DWF stood for ""dwarf!""" -"I remember when I first started reading these I thought DWF stood for ""dwarf!""" What does it stand for? -What does it stand for? Shh, it's his answering machine... We hear the indistinct traces of a musical message followed by a faint BEEP. -God, I think Josh is too mature for us. I know, look at the way he drives... he's like an old man. -I know, look at the way he drives... he's like an old man. Yeah, Josh, c'mon... MOVE IT! -Look, maybe that's him! It's still twenty-five minutes early. -"I want to ""make love"" to him." I'm going to tell him you said that. -SHUT UP! She says she wants to MMPH! -Is he wearing a green cardigan? What exactly is a cardigan anyway? -It's obviously him! I can't believe it! -What's going on now? What's he doing? Oh my god, he just ordered a giant glass of milk! -What's he doing now? He's still just sitting there. God, this is totally unbearable! -Do you think he knows? I dunno... -Are you sure? Totally! Look! -He's insane! We should follow him home. -He doesn't even look that bummed out, really. I know... wouldn't you be totally pissed off? -I know... wouldn't you be totally pissed off? This kind of thing must happen to him all the time. -This is way too creepy. He won't see us... we'll just stalk him from a distance. -He won't see us... we'll just stalk him from a distance. I'm afraid if I see him, I'll start feeling really bad again. -The W.C. Fields Fan Club Newsletter... Oh my God, The National Psoriasis Foundation! Bingo! -What should we do? What if he recognizes us? Come on, it's too late now... -Ew, look at this... Gross! -Gross! I think it's cute - look at his little weasel teeth. -I think it's cute - look at his little weasel teeth. Ew, it's like some gross rat... -That was truly pathetic. "I know... I still can't get over that his name was ""Seymour.""" -He was so excited when you bought that record -- you're a saint!... God, these apartments are super expensive... It was so cute how he had his own little bags. I thought I was going to start crying!... Do you think they're gay? -It was so cute how he had his own little bags. I thought I was going to start crying!... Do you think they're gay? "What about the ""striking redhead in the yellow dress""?" -"What about the ""striking redhead in the yellow dress""?" Oh yeah... -Oh yeah... He should totally just kill himself... Hey, here's one ...Oh wait... you have to share it with a non smoking feminist and her two cats... -He should totally just kill himself... Hey, here's one ...Oh wait... you have to share it with a non smoking feminist and her two cats... I dunno... I kind of like him... He's the exact opposite of everything I really hate... In a way he's such a clueless dork that he's almost cool... -I dunno... I kind of like him... He's the exact opposite of everything I really hate... In a way he's such a clueless dork that he's almost cool... "That guy is many things but he definitely isn't ""cool""... This one would be okay, but there's no kitchen..." -"That guy is many things but he definitely isn't ""cool""... This one would be okay, but there's no kitchen..." Yeah, but... you know what I mean. -Yeah, but... you know what I mean. Not really... -Not really... Forget it, I can't explain it... -We're not sure yet, that's why we're looking. Somewhere downtown. -"""Funky""?" What, is she black now? -I've been thinking about when we look for our apartment how we have to try and convince people that we're like these totally rich yuppies... What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? That's who people want to rent to. It's a known fact that it's way easier to get a job and everything if you're rich... All we have to do is buy a few semi-expensive outfits and act like it's no big deal... it'll be fun. -That's who people want to rent to. It's a known fact that it's way easier to get a job and everything if you're rich... All we have to do is buy a few semi-expensive outfits and act like it's no big deal... it'll be fun. You just want an excuse to dress like some stupid fashion model without me making fun of you. -You just want an excuse to dress like some stupid fashion model without me making fun of you. Just promise you'll do it. -Just promise you'll do it. Okay, okay, I promise... Jesus, you're out of your mind. -What? How long have you been standing there? Did you have to buy new hair dye or did you still have some left over from eighth grade? -Did you have to buy new hair dye or did you still have some left over from eighth grade? Fuck you, bitch! -We still have to go in there sometime. It's always closed... -It's always closed... I bet they have tons of incredible shoes hidden in the back. -Where are we going? Let's go hassle Josh. -Let's go hassle Josh. """Hassle""?" -There he is... As always. -As always. Waiting for the bus that never comes... -Waiting for the bus that never comes... I wonder if he's just totally insane and he really thinks a bus is coming or -- -I wonder if he's just totally insane and he really thinks a bus is coming or -- Why don't you ask him. -JOSH! JOSH! -I'll bet he never jerks off... Yeah, he's beyond human stuff like that. -Yeah, he's beyond human stuff like that. Should we leave a note? -Why are we going here? I hate this place. It'll only take a second. -What was that all about? It's not like I'm some modern Punk dickhead... It's obviously supposed to be a 1977 Punk look, but I guess Johnny Fuckface is too stupid to get it! -It's not like I'm some modern Punk dickhead... It's obviously supposed to be a 1977 Punk look, but I guess Johnny Fuckface is too stupid to get it! I didn't get it either. -I didn't get it either. Everybody's too stupid! -How about this one? Hey, you have to see my new good luck charm. -Ew ... when did you get that? This morning at Seymour's garage sale. -This morning at Seymour's garage sale. God, aren't you tired of Seymour yet? -How about this? Forget it. I'm sure it sucks. All these movies suck. -Let's get out of here, this place makes me sick. We have to do something fun tonight this is my last weekend of freedom before I start my stupid job. -We have to do something fun tonight this is my last weekend of freedom before I start my stupid job. I know a party we could go to... -I know a party we could go to... What? Where?! -What? Where?! It's a surprise. -It's a surprise. I don't believe you. -I don't believe you. If I promise you there's really a party with a lot of guys, do you promise you'll go? -I totally, totally hate you. Aw c'mon, this is a fun party. -I'll be right back, I'm gonna go get a beer. Wait... -Give me all your money, bitch! Where did you get that? -Where did you get that? You won't believe it! Guess! -You won't believe it! Guess! Where? -Where? Anthony's II! -Anthony's II! No way... when? -No way... when? Just now... I went with Seymour. -Just now... I went with Seymour. You cunt! -That guy is totally amazing. He does that every single day. -God, how can you stand all these assholes? I don't know... Some people are okay, but mostly I feel like poisoning everybody. -I don't know... Some people are okay, but mostly I feel like poisoning everybody. At least the wheelchair guy is sort of entertaining... -At least the wheelchair guy is sort of entertaining... He's a total asshole... He doesn't even need that wheelchair, he's just totally lazy! -He's a total asshole... He doesn't even need that wheelchair, he's just totally lazy! That rules! -That rules! No, it doesn't. You'll see... you get totally sick of all the creeps and losers and weirdos. -No, it doesn't. You'll see... you get totally sick of all the creeps and losers and weirdos. But those are our people... -But those are our people... Yeah, well... So when are you going to get your job? -Yeah, well... So when are you going to get your job? I'm working on it... I've got a few leads... it's just that right now I have, all these projects that take up all my time. -I'm working on it... I've got a few leads... it's just that right now I have, all these projects that take up all my time. Like what? -Like what? Nothing. Don't worry... I promise I'll get a job next week. -Nothing. Don't worry... I promise I'll get a job next week. God, I can't believe you went to Anthony's without me. -...you don't have to make a million dollars -- just get any stupid job so we can at least start looking for an apartment. I wonder if I hang around with you because you're like my surrogate mother figure or something. Like I have this subconscious biological need to be nagged and bitched at constantly. -I wonder if I hang around with you because you're like my surrogate mother figure or something. Like I have this subconscious biological need to be nagged and bitched at constantly. You hang out with me because nobody else can stand to be around you. -You hang out with me because nobody else can stand to be around you. Or maybe... did you ever think that deep down we really might be lesbos? Maybe that's why we spend so much time together. -Or maybe... did you ever think that deep down we really might be lesbos? Maybe that's why we spend so much time together. You're gross. See that guy? -You're gross. See that guy? Which one? -Which one? He gives me a total boner! -He gives me a total boner! He's like the biggest idiot of all time! -You're just jealous. Yeah, right... Believe me, at this point I'm over the fact that every single guy likes you better than me! -Yeah, right... Believe me, at this point I'm over the fact that every single guy likes you better than me! Face it, you hate every single boy on the face of the earth! -Face it, you hate every single boy on the face of the earth! That's not true, I just hate all these obnoxious, extroverted, pseudo- bohemian losers! Sometimes I think I act so weird because I'm crazy from sexual frustration. -That's not true, I just hate all these obnoxious, extroverted, pseudo- bohemian losers! Sometimes I think I act so weird because I'm crazy from sexual frustration. Haven't you heard about the miracle of masturbation? -Haven't you heard about the miracle of masturbation? ...maybe we should be lesbos... -...maybe we should be lesbos... Get away from me! -Are you kidding? It's a dream job! I can't believe you got a job like that without even trying... God, I wish that was my job... Yeah, maybe it'll be okay. At least I'll get to see every movie for free, I guess... I had to lie and tell them I already graduated... -Yeah, maybe it'll be okay. At least I'll get to see every movie for free, I guess... I had to lie and tell them I already graduated... When are you finally going to get your diploma? -When are you finally going to get your diploma? I dunno, but next week is my last class... -I dunno, but next week is my last class... Anyway, now we can start looking for the apartment... Do you remember when we first came up with that whole idea of renting our own apartment? -Anyway, now we can start looking for the apartment... Do you remember when we first came up with that whole idea of renting our own apartment? Wasn't it like eighth grade? -Wasn't it like eighth grade? Seventh... you wanted to move out right then! -Seventh... you wanted to move out right then! That must have been when my dad was married to Maxine... -That must have been when my dad was married to Maxine... I remember our big plan was as soon as we got the apartment we were going to trick Daniel Dusentrieb into coming over and then fuck him. -I remember our big plan was as soon as we got the apartment we were going to trick Daniel Dusentrieb into coming over and then fuck him. We were such desperate sluts back then. -What are you talking about? What kind of loser gets fired after one day?! I told you - my manager was a total asshole! Don't worry, I'm going to get another job... and anyway, I have some ideas for how to make money in the meantime... -This is it? I can't believe you're selling some of this stuff. Fuck it. Everything must go! -Fuck it. Everything must go! Oh my god, I remember this hat... this was during your little old lady phase... -What was that all about? I thought everything must go! Oh yeah right, like I'm gonna let some asshole with a goatee own Goofy Gus. -Now are you going to get a regular job? Don't worry. -Don't worry. If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you could've gotten more than ten bucks for all this stuff. -If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you could've gotten more than ten bucks for all this stuff. Yeah, thanks. -Do you want to do something tonight? I can't, it's Seymour's birthday... Shit! What time is it? I have to go to the store! I was going to make him a cake... -I can't, it's Seymour's birthday... Shit! What time is it? I have to go to the store! I was going to make him a cake... Well, are we still going shopping tomorrow? -Well, are we still going shopping tomorrow? Yeah, I guess... call me... -I think one of us should fuck Josh... Go ahead... -Go ahead... No, really... -No, really... God, you're really obsessed... -God, you're really obsessed... I am not -- I just think it'd be funny to see what he'd do... -I am not -- I just think it'd be funny to see what he'd do... I thought we decided that Josh was way too cool to be interested in sex, and that he's the only decent person left in the world and we would never want to bring him down to our level and all that... -I thought we decided that Josh was way too cool to be interested in sex, and that he's the only decent person left in the world and we would never want to bring him down to our level and all that... Yeah, but maybe one of us should at least try... -Yeah, but maybe one of us should at least try... No matter what happened it would be a big disaster... Let's just try and keep everything the way it is. -Look, we have to get these... I can't afford stuff like this right now. -I can't afford stuff like this right now. I'm sick of waiting - we need to start getting stuff if we're ever going to move. Aren't these the greatest towels? -I'm sick of waiting - we need to start getting stuff if we're ever going to move. Aren't these the greatest towels? Why do you care about this kind of stuff? -Why do you care about this kind of stuff? Don't you want nice stuff? -Don't you want nice stuff? I can't imagine spending money on towels. -I can't imagine spending money on towels. You don't have to. I'll pay for all the stuff right now and you can pay me back when you finally get a job. -You don't have to. I'll pay for all the stuff right now and you can pay me back when you finally get a job. You're insane. -You're insane. Do you still want to go to that thing tonight? -Do you still want to go to that thing tonight? What thing? -What thing? That guy's band is playing tonight... Alien Autopsy. -That guy's band is playing tonight... Alien Autopsy. Oh yeah... maybe... Seymour's going on his big date tonight and I kind of want to be around when he calls, so I can hear how bad it went. -Oh yeah... maybe... Seymour's going on his big date tonight and I kind of want to be around when he calls, so I can hear how bad it went. God, I'm so sick of Seymour. -Hello? Do you still want to do something tonight? -Do you still want to do something tonight? What happened to Seymour? -What happened to Seymour? I can't believe it - he actually scored! -I can't believe it - he actually scored! How repulsive! -How repulsive! So should I come over? -So should I come over? Actually, I'm just about to go out with some friends... -Actually, I'm just about to go out with some friends... What are you talking about? Who? -What are you talking about? Who? Just some people from work... -Just some people from work... I don't believe you. -I don't believe you. Yeah well, you said you were busy... look, I'd better get going... I'll call you tomorrow. -Where are we? This is a weird neighborhood... It's a totally normal, average neighborhood! -It's a totally normal, average neighborhood! I just mean it's weird to me... I've never been anywhere near here in my life. -I just mean it's weird to me... I've never been anywhere near here in my life. Josh says this is a really good neighborhood... -Josh says this is a really good neighborhood... What? When did you see Josh?! -What? When did you see Josh?! He came into work. -He came into work. Why? What did he say? -Why? What did he say? Nothing. -Nothing. When was this? -When was this? I don't know! God, don't act so jealous I only talked to him for two minutes. -Twenty-seven fifty-three... do you see it? That must be it... Great... -Great... What?! It looks totally normal... what's wrong with it? -What?! It looks totally normal... what's wrong with it? "I said ""great""..." -"I said ""great""..." Oh yeah, I can tell you really love it! -Oh yeah, I can tell you really love it! "Well, what am I supposed to say? ""I can't wait to live in some depressing shit-hole in the middle of nowhere""?!" -"Well, what am I supposed to say? ""I can't wait to live in some depressing shit-hole in the middle of nowhere""?!" There's something wrong with every single place we look at! Why don't you just come right out and tell me you don't want to move in with me?! -There's something wrong with every single place we look at! Why don't you just come right out and tell me you don't want to move in with me?! Because you'll freak out and act like a total psycho about it. -You're the psycho! You haven't been able to deal with anything since high school ended! You're the one who's still living out some stupid seventh-grade fantasy! -You're the one who's still living out some stupid seventh-grade fantasy! FUCK YOU! Have fun living with your dad for the rest of your life! -Hello? I need to talk to you. -I'm sorry about the other day. I don't know what's wrong with me... I really do want to move in with you. I don't know... I was thinking maybe I should live alone. I decided to rent that place we looked at. I'm moving in next week. -I don't know... I was thinking maybe I should live alone. I decided to rent that place we looked at. I'm moving in next week. Please let me come with you. Please please please... -Please let me come with you. Please please please... I don't know - I'm not sure it's a good idea. -I don't know - I'm not sure it's a good idea. Of course it's a good idea... it's our plan. -Of course it's a good idea... it's our plan. But how are you gonna pay rent and everything? You don't even have a job. -But how are you gonna pay rent and everything? You don't even have a job. I'll get a job tomorrow, I promise. If I don't, you can totally tell me to fuck off. -So, whaddya think? It's fine. -It's fine. So where's all your stuff? -There. That's all you're bringing? -That's all you're bringing? I'm gonna finish packing tonight... I'll bring it over tomorrow sometime. -I'm gonna finish packing tonight... I'll bring it over tomorrow sometime. What time? -What time? I dunno... -I dunno... Make sure you're here by noon - we have tons of stuff to do... Oh yeah! I have to show you something else! -Hi. Oh, hi... I almost didn't recognize you -- I think I need to get glasses; you're all blurry! -Oh, hi... I almost didn't recognize you -- I think I need to get glasses; you're all blurry! You're lucky then, you can't see the veins on that guy's biceps. -You're lucky then, you can't see the veins on that guy's biceps. Actually, he's a really nice guy. -Do you want anything? Maybe an orange juice. -Wow... finally. It just came yesterday... -What about me? Am I not even here? Oh, hey Enid... So... we finally made it! -We're not. Really? Both of you?... Why not? -Really? Both of you?... Why not? Just because. -What are you going to be when you grow up, Todd? Well I'm going to major in Business Administration and, I think, minor in Communications. -Well I'm going to major in Business Administration and, I think, minor in Communications. See, that's exactly the kind of thing we're trying to avoid. -Oh my God, you guys! I can't believe we made it! Yeah, we graduated high school -- how totally amazing. -Yeah, we graduated high school -- how totally amazing. So what are you guys doing this Summer? -So what are you guys doing this Summer? Nothing. -Nothing. I'm going to be in this actor's workshop, and I'm hoping to start going on auditions soon. I'm so excited to finally have some free time. We have to get together this summer! -I'm going to be in this actor's workshop, and I'm hoping to start going on auditions soon. I'm so excited to finally have some free time. We have to get together this summer! Oh yeah, that'll definitely happen... -Oh yeah, that'll definitely happen... Well, bye you guys... CONGRATULATIONS! -Oh my god, what are you guys doing here? What are you doing here, Melorra? -What are you doing here, Melorra? My acting workshop is across the street from here. I'm just on my break. -My acting workshop is across the street from here. I'm just on my break. Well, we won't keep you. -Well, we won't keep you. "I love this place... it's so - you know, ""funky.""" -It's really quite something to see you all grown up like this, Enid. I'd love to hear about what you're doing. I can't help but feel that I had some small part in how you turned out... What are you studying? You were always such a smart little girl. I'm taking a remedial high school art class for fuck-ups and retards. -May I ask what you're doing? Shhh! -Shhh! I want to know what you think you're doing, staying out all night and worrying your father to death! -I want to know what you think you're doing, staying out all night and worrying your father to death! Oh yeah, like he even noticed. -Oh yeah, like he even noticed. Listen, young lady... I know you don't like me -- I don't really care whether you do or not -- but I will not allow you to treat your father the way you do. -A what? A mongoose... they eat snakes... you never heard of a mongoose? That's a classic piece of vintage taxidermy. Nobody alive today knows how to do work like that. -A mongoose... they eat snakes... you never heard of a mongoose? That's a classic piece of vintage taxidermy. Nobody alive today knows how to do work like that. How much is this? -How much is this? Umm... That's not officially for sale... I might have to hang onto that for the time being. -"Perhaps the ""Jam-in-ator"" appeals to you. Absolutely no practice necessary. You shread like a giant. Just press a button." That's okay... -Do you have any other old records besides these? Seymour does. -Seymour does. Who does? -Who does? Him. Seymour. He's the man with the records. -You still interested in that? I thought it wasn't for sale. -I thought it wasn't for sale. I'm thinkin' maybe I could let it go... -I'm thinkin' maybe I could let it go... It's kind of falling apart. -Don't mind me, I'll just be in my room. Where did you get those pants? -Didn't they tell you? Tell me what? -Tell me what? Punk rock is over! -Punk rock is over! I know it's over, asshole, I -- -I know it's over, asshole, I -- "If you really want to ""fuck up the system"" - you should go to business school -- that's what I'm gonna do: get a job at some big corporation and fuck things up from the inside!" -"If you really want to ""fuck up the system"" - you should go to business school -- that's what I'm gonna do: get a job at some big corporation and fuck things up from the inside!" That's not even -- -That's not even -- Yeah yeah yeah. Do you have my money? -"Oh, how ""punk.""" That tape sucked, by the way! -That tape sucked, by the way! I'm so sorry if you were offended! -Go die, asshole! Get a job! -Hi... what's your name? Norman. -Norman. ...are you waiting for a bus? -...are you waiting for a bus? Yes. -Yes. I hate to tell you this but they cancelled this bus line two years ago... There are no buses on this street. -I hate to tell you this but they cancelled this bus line two years ago... There are no buses on this street. You don't know what you're talking about. -Well, if it isn't Enid and Rebecca, the little Jewish girl and her Aryan friend. You're late, asshole. -You're late, asshole. Fine, and how are you? -Fine, and how are you? Did you bring that tape? -You never paid me for that tape with the Indian dance routine. I did too! -I did too! Tsk! You Jews are so clever with money... -Tsk! You Jews are so clever with money... Fuck you, you stupid redneck hick! -Thanks for the tape - I'll have to pay you later, I'm broke. Hey, where are you going? -Hey, where are you going? "Later, ""Dude""." -That's five hundred dollars. What? -What? Five hundred. -Five hundred. You're crazy -- it should be like two dollars! -You're crazy -- it should be like two dollars! I was wearing that dress the day I lost my virginity. -I was wearing that dress the day I lost my virginity. Well why do I care about that? -Well why do I care about that? Why do you even want it? It would look stupid on you. -Why do you even want it? It would look stupid on you. God, fuck you! -Do you have any old Indian records? Indian records? -Indian records? You know, like weird 1960's Indian rock n' roll music. -You know, like weird 1960's Indian rock n' roll music. "I don't have anything after about 1935. I may have one Hindu 78 from the twenties in my collection, but it's not really for sale. I don't really collect ""foreign.""" -Those are all 78s... Can you play 78s? Sure!... Wait, maybe not 78s, but I can play regular records... -There's some good stuff in here... do you like old music? Sure, I guess. -Sure, I guess. Well there's a few choice LPs in here that re-issue some really great old blues stuff. -Is this one any good? Nah, it's not so great. Here's the one I'd recommend. -This track alone by Memphis Minnie is worth about $500 if you have the original 78. She was one of the greatest guitar players that ever lived, and a great singer and songwriter as well. I know the guy who owns the original and lent it for use on this reissue. Wow! -How much is it? A dollar seventy-five. -A dollar seventy-five. Okay. -Yeah, it took a while before I got a chance to play it, but when I heard that song it was like -- So you really liked it? Yeah, there's some really rare performances. You liked that Memphis Minnie, huh? -So you really liked it? Yeah, there's some really rare performances. You liked that Memphis Minnie, huh? "Yeah, that's good too... the whole record was good, but that one song, ""Devil Got My Woman"" -- I mostly just keep playing that one over and over... Do you have any other records like that?" -"Yeah, that's good too... the whole record was good, but that one song, ""Devil Got My Woman"" -- I mostly just keep playing that one over and over... Do you have any other records like that?" The Skip James record? Yeah, that's a masterpiece. There are no other records like that! I actually have the original 78 of it in my collection. It's one of maybe five known copies. -The Skip James record? Yeah, that's a masterpiece. There are no other records like that! I actually have the original 78 of it in my collection. It's one of maybe five known copies. Wow! -Wow! Do you want to see it? I can run upstairs and get it... -Do you want to see it? I can run upstairs and get it... Yeah, sure, I guess... -Yeah, sure, I guess... Watch my stuff. -Oops! I dropped it! NO!!! -NO!!! Hey, I was only kidding! -What was all that stuff about enlarged holes and tight cracks? I... I didn't think you would have any interest in this get together... I mean if you had told me you were coming I would have warned you -- it's not like a real party or anything. -I... I didn't think you would have any interest in this get together... I mean if you had told me you were coming I would have warned you -- it's not like a real party or anything. You're right about that. So this is your record collection? -You're right about that. So this is your record collection? Oh God no. This is just junk I have for sale or trade. The record room is off-limits. -Oh God no. This is just junk I have for sale or trade. The record room is off-limits. Really? Can I see it? -Really? Can I see it? Yeah, well sure... you can if you want to... it's just I don't want all these guys in there at once... you know... -Wow! This is like my dream room! Are these all records! I have about fifteen hundred 78s at this point. I've tried to pare down my collection to the essential... -I have about fifteen hundred 78s at this point. I've tried to pare down my collection to the essential... God, look at this poster! I can't believe this room! You're the luckiest guy in the world! I'd kill to have stuff like this! -God, look at this poster! I can't believe this room! You're the luckiest guy in the world! I'd kill to have stuff like this! Please... go ahead and kill me! This stuff doesn't make you happy, believe me. -Please... go ahead and kill me! This stuff doesn't make you happy, believe me. Oh, come on! What are you talking about? -Oh, come on! What are you talking about? You think it's healthy to obsessively collect things? You can't connect with other people so you fill your life with stuff... I'm just like all the rest of these pathetic collector losers. -No you're not! You're a cool guy, Seymour. Yeah right... If I'm so cool, why haven't I had a girlfriend in four years? I can't even remember the last time a girl talked to me. -Yeah right... If I'm so cool, why haven't I had a girlfriend in four years? I can't even remember the last time a girl talked to me. I'm talking to you... I'll bet there are tons of women who would go out with you in a minute! -I'm talking to you... I'll bet there are tons of women who would go out with you in a minute! Oh, right... -Oh, right... No really... I guarantee I could get you a date in like two seconds... -No really... I guarantee I could get you a date in like two seconds... Good luck... -Good luck... I'm totally serious! -I'm totally serious! Yeah, well... -Yeah, well... I mean it -- You leave everything to me -- I'm going to be your own personal dating service! -I mean it -- You leave everything to me -- I'm going to be your own personal dating service! I appreciate the offer but you really don't -- -I appreciate the offer but you really don't -- Mark my words, by the end of this summer you'll be up to your neck in pussy! -Mark my words, by the end of this summer you'll be up to your neck in pussy! Jesus! That's very nice of you Enid but I - I really -- -What about her? Would you go out with her? I don't know, what kind of question is that? I mean it's totally irrelevant because a girl like that would never be caught dead with me... -I don't know, what kind of question is that? I mean it's totally irrelevant because a girl like that would never be caught dead with me... But putting that aside for now, would you go out with her? -But putting that aside for now, would you go out with her? I really didn't get a good look at her. -Okay, what about this one? Are you into girls with big tits? Jesus! -Jesus! C'mon Seymour, I'm trying to collect data here! Don't you want me to find you your perfect dream girl? -C'mon Seymour, I'm trying to collect data here! Don't you want me to find you your perfect dream girl? "I'm just not one of those guys who has a ""type""..." -"I'm just not one of those guys who has a ""type""..." Every guy has a type! -Every guy has a type! I mean as long as she's not a complete imbecile and she's even remotely attractive... -We need to narrow this down somehow... we need to find a place where you can meet women who share your interests. Maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests! Where can I go to meet the exact opposite of myself? -Maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests! Where can I go to meet the exact opposite of myself? Yeah yeah yeah... Just tell me your five main interests, in order of importance. -Yeah yeah yeah... Just tell me your five main interests, in order of importance. Well, let's see... I guess I'd have to put Traditional Jazz, Blues, and Ragtime music at the top of the list, then probably... -Well, let's see... I guess I'd have to put Traditional Jazz, Blues, and Ragtime music at the top of the list, then probably... "Let's just say ""music"" - that way you only use up one... Wait, we have to go in here for a second..." -So is that your boyfriend? Josh? He's nobody's boyfriend... He's just this guy that Becky and I like to torture. -Josh? He's nobody's boyfriend... He's just this guy that Becky and I like to torture. Well are -- -Well are -- Oh my god! We have to go in here! -Yeah, sure... very funny.... Please, Seymour... Becky and I have been dying to go in here but we can't get any boys to take us... Please? -Please, Seymour... Becky and I have been dying to go in here but we can't get any boys to take us... Please? I - I'd really rather not... -I - I'd really rather not... We'll just go in for one minute -- it'll be a riot! -We'll just go in for one minute -- it'll be a riot! I don't think so... -I don't think so... PLEASE? We have to! -PLEASE? We have to! I really don't think it's a good idea. -I really don't think it's a good idea. Fine, I'll go by myself then... -Wow! Look at all these creeps! Shh! -Shh! OH MY GOD! -"Look at this -- ""Lollipop Lolitas"" - isn't child pornography totally illegal?" These are older women just dressed up to look young... I think. -Uh, I don't have much money with me right now. C'mon, Seymour, please? -Relax, Seymour, relax... That thing is just so shrill and piercing and loud - it's like someone jabbing me in the face! KFTO comin' atchya on this beautiful evening... -So, why did you bring this along? I brought it for him to autograph. He's going to be amazed to see it - it's one of two known copies... I can't believe they have him for the opening act and not the headliner. What an insult! -I brought it for him to autograph. He's going to be amazed to see it - it's one of two known copies... I can't believe they have him for the opening act and not the headliner. What an insult! This bar's going to be packed with girls for you to pick from. -This bar's going to be packed with girls for you to pick from. I'm not holding my breath in that department. -What are we, in slow motion here?! What are ya, hypnotized? Have some more kids, why don't you?... For Christ's sake, would you move!? Jesus, Seymour. -Yes, that would certainly do... Well, offer her a seat! You want me to do it? -Well, offer her a seat! You want me to do it? Wait a minute! Hang on! Jesus, I gotta think of something to talk to her about. No! No... -Wait a minute! Hang on! Jesus, I gotta think of something to talk to her about. No! No... Just wait here. -What did you tell that girl? I told her you were a big record executive and you were thinking of signing that band to your label. -I told her you were a big record executive and you were thinking of signing that band to your label. Jesus... -Jesus... Now I remember why I haven't gone anywhere in months. I'm not even in the same universe as those creatures back there. I might as well be from another planet. -Now I remember why I haven't gone anywhere in months. I'm not even in the same universe as those creatures back there. I might as well be from another planet. We just need to figure out a place where you can meet somebody who isn't a total idiot, that's all. -We just need to figure out a place where you can meet somebody who isn't a total idiot, that's all. Look, I really appreciate your help, Enid, but let's face it, this is hopeless. -Look, I really appreciate your help, Enid, but let's face it, this is hopeless. It's not hopeless... -It's not hopeless... Yeah, well it's simple for everybody else - give 'em a Big Mac and a pair of Nikes and they're happy! I just can't relate to 99.9% of humanity. -Yeah, well it's simple for everybody else - give 'em a Big Mac and a pair of Nikes and they're happy! I just can't relate to 99.9% of humanity. Yeah, well, I can't relate to humanity either, but I don't think it's totally hopeless... -Yeah, well, I can't relate to humanity either, but I don't think it's totally hopeless... But it's not totally hopeless for you... I've had it. I don't even have the energy to try anymore. You should make sure you do the exact opposite of everything I do so you don't end up like me... -But it's not totally hopeless for you... I've had it. I don't even have the energy to try anymore. You should make sure you do the exact opposite of everything I do so you don't end up like me... I'd rather end up like you than those people at that stupid bar... At least you're an interesting person... at least you're not exactly like everybody else... -I'd rather end up like you than those people at that stupid bar... At least you're an interesting person... at least you're not exactly like everybody else... Hooray for me. -I'm not sure I have anything to drink... there might be some -- It doesn't matter, I'm not staying long... I just want to make sure I convince you not to give up yet. -It doesn't matter, I'm not staying long... I just want to make sure I convince you not to give up yet. """Yet.""" -Wow, this is so cool... If you don't mind my asking -- why do you care so much if I get a date or not? -If you don't mind my asking -- why do you care so much if I get a date or not? I dunno... because I can't stand the idea of a world where a guy like you can't get a date... -What the fuck, Seymour?! What is this? What?... Oh that... I borrowed that from work about fifteen years ago... I guess it's mine now. -What?... Oh that... I borrowed that from work about fifteen years ago... I guess it's mine now. What, are you a klansman or something? -What, are you a klansman or something? Yeah, right, I'm a klansman - thanks a lot!... Do you know the Cook's Chicken franchise? -Yeah, right, I'm a klansman - thanks a lot!... Do you know the Cook's Chicken franchise? """Four-piece Cook's special deep fried with side n' slaw it's OUT RAY-GEOUS""!" -"""Four-piece Cook's special deep fried with side n' slaw it's OUT RAY-GEOUS""!" "Yeah, well ""Cook's"" is just a made up name. When they originally opened back in 1922 they were named ""The Coon Chicken Inn"" -- that's an early painting of their first logo." -Actually, I was a whole lot more interested in the Cook's phenomenon when I was about your age. I've kind of lost interest since I've been working for them... You work at Cook's Chicken? -You work at Cook's Chicken? For nineteen years... -For nineteen years... What are you, a fry cook or something? -What are you, a fry cook or something? Nothing so glamorous... actually, I'm an assistant manager at their corporate headquarters. -Nothing so glamorous... actually, I'm an assistant manager at their corporate headquarters. Jesus, I'd go nuts if I had to work in an office all day. -Jesus, I'd go nuts if I had to work in an office all day. Hey, I get good benefits, a good early retirement plan, nobody ever bothers me... -Hey, I get good benefits, a good early retirement plan, nobody ever bothers me... Yeah, but still... -Yeah, but still... I make enough money to eat and buy old records... what more do I want? -So, I don't really get it -- are you saying that things were better back then even though there was stuff like this? No, in a lot of ways things are better now... I dunno... it's complicated. Everybody still hates each other, but they know how to hide it better, or something... -No, in a lot of ways things are better now... I dunno... it's complicated. Everybody still hates each other, but they know how to hide it better, or something... Hey, can I borrow this? -Hey, can I borrow this? What? Why? -What? Why? I promise I'll take good care of it. -I promise I'll take good care of it. I dunno... they're very sensitive at work about all this stuff. Maybe it would be better if you -- -I dunno... they're very sensitive at work about all this stuff. Maybe it would be better if you -- Don't you trust me, Seymour? -You can open your eyes now. Oh... uh, thanks a lot Enid... I really appreciate it... -Oh... uh, thanks a lot Enid... I really appreciate it... No, Doofus... blow it out! -Arrrghhh! Ah Jeez... Christ... Are you okay? -Are you okay? It's just my stupid back. I'll be all right in a minute... -What is that? Oh... uh... It's just this elastic thing I have to wear for lumbar support... -Oh... uh... It's just this elastic thing I have to wear for lumbar support... What, like a girdle? -What, like a girdle? Maybe now you understand why I can't get a date. -Maybe now you understand why I can't get a date. Yeah, well, you're not the only one. Everybody I know has totally fucked up problems... It seems like only stupid people have good relationships... -Yeah, well, you're not the only one. Everybody I know has totally fucked up problems... It seems like only stupid people have good relationships... That's the spirit! -That's the spirit! I mean, I'm eighteen years old and I've never even had a real, steady boyfriend for more than like two weeks! -I mean, I'm eighteen years old and I've never even had a real, steady boyfriend for more than like two weeks! Really? -Really? Never... -Never... I'm starting to think that even if I did get a girlfriend it really wouldn't change anything. -I'm starting to think that even if I did get a girlfriend it really wouldn't change anything. I know. It's not like it makes all your problems go away. -I know. It's not like it makes all your problems go away. Then again, that's easy for me to say, since I'll never even get a date. I'm sure you have hundreds of guys who are interested in you. -Then again, that's easy for me to say, since I'll never even get a date. I'm sure you have hundreds of guys who are interested in you. Actually, I've got a total crush on this one guy right now, but it's a really fucked-up situation... -Actually, I've got a total crush on this one guy right now, but it's a really fucked-up situation... Oh yeah? -Oh yeah? Oh wait, you met him... remember that guy Josh? I'm like practically obsessed with him, but I can't do anything about it because Becky would freak out. -Oh wait, you met him... remember that guy Josh? I'm like practically obsessed with him, but I can't do anything about it because Becky would freak out. Why? -Why? Never mind, it's way too complicated... Did you have problems like this when you were my age - where you're totally confused all the time? -Never mind, it's way too complicated... Did you have problems like this when you were my age - where you're totally confused all the time? I won't even dignify that with a response. -I wonder if you really like all these old records or if you only like the fact that nobody else likes them? Who knows? -Aren't you going to get that? Let the machine get it. I have no desire to talk to anyone who would be calling me... -Wow! What was that all about? It's just somebody's idea of a joke... -It's just somebody's idea of a joke... That didn't sound like a joke to me... what, did you write a personal ad or something? -That didn't sound like a joke to me... what, did you write a personal ad or something? Uh yeah. A long time ago... she called before once... it's just somebody trying to humiliate me. -Uh yeah. A long time ago... she called before once... it's just somebody trying to humiliate me. Seymour! I promise you that wasn't a joke -- you have to call her back! -Seymour! I promise you that wasn't a joke -- you have to call her back! How can you be so sure? -How can you be so sure? Well, uh... I'm an expert-about stuff like this -- she was totally for real! -Uh... hello? Hi, it's me... -Hi, it's me... Oh, hi... -Oh, hi... So, what happened? -So, what happened? Actually, it's kind of still happening... she's over here right now... I think everything's going pretty well... -Actually, it's kind of still happening... she's over here right now... I think everything's going pretty well... What? You're kidding me... -What? You're kidding me... Yeah, so I better go -- it's not really the best time to talk... -Yeah, so I better go -- it's not really the best time to talk... What, are you going to like have sex with her on your first date? -What, are you going to like have sex with her on your first date? Jesus, Enid... I'll talk to you later... bye! -Boo! YAAA! -Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you... I've been wandering the streets day and night trying to find you... Really? -Really? No, actually Joe told me you were here... so how come you never call me anymore? -No, actually Joe told me you were here... so how come you never call me anymore? I know, I'm sorry... I-I've been really busy... -I know, I'm sorry... I-I've been really busy... Yeah, I'll bet! So, how's it going with what's-her-name? Dana? -Yeah, I'll bet! So, how's it going with what's-her-name? Dana? Oh... pretty well, surprisingly... you know... -Oh... pretty well, surprisingly... you know... So, what kind of stuff do you guys do together? Is she into old records and stuff? -So, what kind of stuff do you guys do together? Is she into old records and stuff? Sort of... she doesn't dislike any of that stuff... she's trying, anyway... actually, we're supposed to go antique shopping for her apartment this afternoon... -Sort of... she doesn't dislike any of that stuff... she's trying, anyway... actually, we're supposed to go antique shopping for her apartment this afternoon... Sounds good... -We really should get together sometime soon... I-I'll definitely call you this week -- What, are you trying to get rid of me? -What, are you trying to get rid of me? No... no, it's just that I should get going in a few minutes, and -- -No... no, it's just that I should get going in a few minutes, and -- Aren't you even going to ask me how I'm doing? -Aren't you even going to ask me how I'm doing? I-I'm sorry... uh so... uh... how -- -I-I'm sorry... uh so... uh... how -- I dunno... okay, I guess... I fucked that guy Josh finally... -I dunno... okay, I guess... I fucked that guy Josh finally... ...so... is he your boyfriend now? -...so... is he your boyfriend now? Maybe... I dunno... He wants to be, of course. I'm weighing several offers at the present time... -I'm going to this stupid art show and I want you to be my date... There's something I have to show you... I... I don't know. I don't really think I should... -I... I don't know. I don't really think I should... Of course you should. C'mon, I'm already a million hours late. -Of course you should. C'mon, I'm already a million hours late. ...I better not... -...I better not... Well forget the art show... let's do something else. -Well forget the art show... let's do something else. I... I wish I could, Enid, but I really can't right now... I -- it's just that I -- -I... I wish I could, Enid, but I really can't right now... I -- it's just that I -- Well when can we do something? -Well when can we do something? It's just that, well, you know, Dana just got out of a really bad relationship and I don't want to give her the wrong idea... you know... -Oh, uh... they were a present from Dana. And you like them? -And you like them? Well, you know... what do I know about clothes... I've never been the most fashionable guy -- it's nice to have someone do all the work for me... -Well, you know... what do I know about clothes... I've never been the most fashionable guy -- it's nice to have someone do all the work for me... So that's it? You don't ever want to see me again? -So that's it? You don't ever want to see me again? No, of course I do... It's just that right now I need to -- -No, of course I do... It's just that right now I need to -- What's her problem anyway? Did she actually tell you you couldn't see me? -What's her problem anyway? Did she actually tell you you couldn't see me? No, no... not exactly... she just doesn't understand how I would know somebody like you... -No, no... not exactly... she just doesn't understand how I would know somebody like you... "What does she mean by that - ""somebody like me""?" -"What does she mean by that - ""somebody like me""?" Just someone so young... -Just someone so young... You must have done something to make her think you like me. -You must have done something to make her think you like me. I... I don't think so. -I... I don't think so. Does that mean you don't like me? -Does that mean you don't like me? No, of course not. -No, of course not. So, do you like me, Seymour? -So, do you like me, Seymour? In what way do you mean? -In what way do you mean? In whatever way you think I mean. -In whatever way you think I mean. I don't know... I'm sorry, but Dana's a very jealous person. I just don't want to screw that up right now... I'm sure she'll dump me soon and we can go back to being friends... -I don't know... I'm sorry, but Dana's a very jealous person. I just don't want to screw that up right now... I'm sure she'll dump me soon and we can go back to being friends... I don't think you understand how I really feel about you, Seymour. -I don't think you understand how I really feel about you, Seymour. ...What do you mean? -...What do you mean? Nothing. Don't worry, I won't bother you any more. -What are you doing here? I had to see you. -I had to see you. What's up? -What's up? Can you at least let me in? -Can you at least let me in? Uh... sure... come in. -Uh... sure... come in. Look, I just need somebody to be nice to me for five minutes and then I'll leave you alone. -Look, I just need somebody to be nice to me for five minutes and then I'll leave you alone. What's the matter? -What's the matter? Do you have anything to drink? -Uh... I think there's some root beer... What about this? -That's Dana's - I'm supposed to be saving it for our two-month anniversary. You better not -- FUCK DANA. I'm sick of Dana. -You need a bigger place - this is like a little kid's room. I could never move - I've got too much stuff. -Where did you get this? "Dana bought it when we went antique shopping. She said it didn't go with her stuff, so she gave it to me... she thought it fit in better with my ""old time thingamajigs.""" -"Dana bought it when we went antique shopping. She said it didn't go with her stuff, so she gave it to me... she thought it fit in better with my ""old time thingamajigs.""" Jesus, how can you stand her? -God, she's going to kill me... this bottle is half-empty! "That's great! ""Half-empty"" - that's what I like about you, Seymour, you're a natural pessimist!" -"That's great! ""Half-empty"" - that's what I like about you, Seymour, you're a natural pessimist!" If you expect the worst, you're never disappointed. -If you expect the worst, you're never disappointed. What are you talking about? You're disappointed every minute of your life. -What are you talking about? You're disappointed every minute of your life. I'm just being realistic. -I'm just being realistic. At least you're not like every other stupid guy in the world - all they care about are guitars and sports... they're all such fags! -At least you're not like every other stupid guy in the world - all they care about are guitars and sports... they're all such fags! I hate sports. -I hate sports. How come in all that time I was trying to get you a date, you never asked me out? -How come in all that time I was trying to get you a date, you never asked me out? You're a beautiful young girl... I can't imagine you would ever have had any interest in me, except as an amusingly cranky eccentric curiosity. -You're a beautiful young girl... I can't imagine you would ever have had any interest in me, except as an amusingly cranky eccentric curiosity. Yeah, but still... it's kind of insulting for a girl to be ignored like that. -Yeah, but still... it's kind of insulting for a girl to be ignored like that. I mean... of course I... why wouldn't I want to go out with you? -I mean... of course I... why wouldn't I want to go out with you? I dunno... I always feel like everybody secretly hates me. I'm just paranoid I guess. I mean, you like me don't you? We're good friends, right? -I dunno... I always feel like everybody secretly hates me. I'm just paranoid I guess. I mean, you like me don't you? We're good friends, right? Yeah, sure. Of course. -Yeah, sure. Of course. ...Maybe I should just move in here with you... I could do all the cooking and dust your record collection and stuff until I get a job. -...Maybe I should just move in here with you... I could do all the cooking and dust your record collection and stuff until I get a job. What about Joe? -What about Joe? Oh yeah... and Dana... You were a lot more fun before you met Dana. You've been acting way too normal lately... you're a bitter, twisted, fucked-up guy, Seymour, that's why I like you. -Oh yeah... and Dana... You were a lot more fun before you met Dana. You've been acting way too normal lately... you're a bitter, twisted, fucked-up guy, Seymour, that's why I like you. Yeah, well I like you too... -You know what my number one fantasy used to be? What? -What? I used to think about one day not telling anybody and just taking off and going to some random place... Do you ever think about stuff like that? -I used to think about one day not telling anybody and just taking off and going to some random place... Do you ever think about stuff like that? I guess I probably used to when I was your age. -I guess I probably used to when I was your age. It would have to be some totally average day when nobody was expecting it, and I'd just disappear and they'd never see me again. -It would have to be some totally average day when nobody was expecting it, and I'd just disappear and they'd never see me again. Sounds like a healthy way to deal with your problems. -Sounds like a healthy way to deal with your problems. You know what we should do? Let's go get in your car right now and just take off! We could just drive away and find some new place and start a whole new life... fuck everybody! -You know what we should do? Let's go get in your car right now and just take off! We could just drive away and find some new place and start a whole new life... fuck everybody! I don't think I'm in any condition to drive. -I don't think I'm in any condition to drive. I'll drive, then -- we'll go out in a blaze of glory! -I'll drive, then -- we'll go out in a blaze of glory! So where would we go? -So where would we go? Who cares? Let's just go... what's stopping us? -Who cares? Let's just go... what's stopping us? I dunno, I... -I dunno, I... I'm serious! I'm just so sick of everybody! Why can't I just do whatever I want? -I'm serious! I'm just so sick of everybody! Why can't I just do whatever I want? What do you want? -What do you want? What do you want? -What do you want? I-I-I... -I-I-I... What's the matter with you, Seymour? Don't you like me? Be a man for once in your life! -God, Dana's going to kill you! ...Do you really want us to drive away somewhere? -...Do you really want us to drive away somewhere? What?... Maybe... no... I dunno... -What?... Maybe... no... I dunno... I will if you want to. -I will if you want to. No... forget it... -No... forget it... I-I never expected anything like this to happen... -I-I never expected anything like this to happen... Yeah, well... me neither... -Yeah, well... me neither... You must know I always... did you really mean all that about moving in with me? -You must know I always... did you really mean all that about moving in with me? I was just thinking out loud... I mean, you've got this whole thing with Dana -- I'm not going to let you fuck that up... -I was just thinking out loud... I mean, you've got this whole thing with Dana -- I'm not going to let you fuck that up... But, I... -But, I... Shhh... I really need to get some sleep. -I really want to talk to you. I've been thinking about what you said about moving in here... I can treat him any way I want to - I'm an adult! Leave me alone! -So what's the story with the two cheerleaders over here? They're Seymour's. -They're Seymour's. Seymour? You gotta be kidding me! -Seymour? You gotta be kidding me! Don't worry about it. He's not gettin' any and neither are you. -Don't worry about it. He's not gettin' any and neither are you. Let me tell ya somethin', Joe... Listen to me, Joe... you can't hit a home run without swinging the bat! -Let me tell ya somethin', Joe... Listen to me, Joe... you can't hit a home run without swinging the bat! Right. -Well, here's where the fun never stops! Yeah, I'm really, really happy. Really having a good time. -Yeah, I'm really, really happy. Really having a good time. Still torturing yourself over that Enid, huh? -Where else am I ever going to find another girl who likes Geeshie Wiley records? She could at least have the decency to call me back. Maybe she was just using you to try and get back at some guy. Who knows? It could be a million things. It's wasted time trying to logically figure out the female brain, that's for sure. -Maybe she's got another boyfriend. Yeah, well... thanks for cheering me up. -Yeah, well... thanks for cheering me up. No problem. -Please Josh? Forget it, there's no way... find some other poor sucker to abuse. -So Josh, if this guy freaks out, will you protect us? He has every reason to freak out -- this is a totally fucked-up thing to do to somebody! -I agree. I wish I could see him. -Did you remember to pay the phone bill? Yeah. -Yeah. Call me sometime. -I think that Phillip and Enid can help us to see that there are-many different ways we can express ourselves. We can do things like these cartoons that are amusing as a sort of light entertainment or we can do work that is more serious in scope and feeling and that deals with issues; emotional, spiritual, political; of great importance. I hope that you will each have the tools to do that type of work by the end of this class. Who is responsible for this? I am. -I am. Talk to us about it... -Talk to us about it... It's my response to the issue of a woman's right to choose... it's something I feel super-strongly about. -It's my response to the issue of a woman's right to choose... it's something I feel super-strongly about. Isn't this a wonderful piece, class? This definitely falls into that higher category of art I was speaking of earlier. -What do we have here, Margaret? It's a tampon in a teacup... -I can see that... now what can you tell us about it? First of all, what kind of sculpture is this? "It's a ""found object""... that's when an artist takes an ordinary object and places it in an artistic context and thus it becomes art." -"It's a ""found object""... that's when an artist takes an ordinary object and places it in an artistic context and thus it becomes art." Very good. Now, what can you tell us about it in regard to your artistic intent? -Very good. Now, what can you tell us about it in regard to your artistic intent? I guess I see the teacup as a symbol for womanhood, because of tea parties in the olden days, but instead of tea I was trying to kind of confront people with this... like... -I guess I see the teacup as a symbol for womanhood, because of tea parties in the olden days, but instead of tea I was trying to kind of confront people with this... like... This shocking image of repressed femininity! -This shocking image of repressed femininity! Right, exactly! -Right, exactly! I think it's really a wonderful piece, Margaret! -Uh... hi. Uh... Enid's stepmother told me I'd find her here? She's not at home? -She's not at home? No... they said she was here... -No... they said she was here... What the fuck is she doing?! She was supposed to be here three hours ago! -What the fuck is she doing?! She was supposed to be here three hours ago! Uh, do you mind if I wait? I really need to talk to her. -Uh, do you mind if I wait? I really need to talk to her. Are you sure she wasn't there? Maybe she was just hiding from you. -Are you sure she wasn't there? Maybe she was just hiding from you. Why would she be hiding from me? -Why would she be hiding from me? I don't know... where is she, then? -I don't know... where is she, then? Maybe she's with Josh? -Maybe she's with Josh? Josh!? Why would she be with Josh? -Josh!? Why would she be with Josh? I don't know. -I don't know. Why? What did she tell you? -Why? What did she tell you? She just mentioned him a few times and said that they had been dating - I thought maybe she was... -She just mentioned him a few times and said that they had been dating - I thought maybe she was... What? Is she having some secret affair with Josh? -What? Is she having some secret affair with Josh? I have no idea - I just want to... -I have no idea - I just want to... Why wouldn't she tell me? There's no way! She could never keep that to herself... you're crazy. -Why wouldn't she tell me? There's no way! She could never keep that to herself... you're crazy. Really, I don't know enough about it to... -Really, I don't know enough about it to... That slut! -That slut! Why did you say she might be hiding from me? Did she say anything to you about me? -Why did you say she might be hiding from me? Did she say anything to you about me? Yeah, she thinks you're a dork. -Yeah, she thinks you're a dork. Did she say that? -Did she say that? Look, what do you expect? Considering how we met you. -Look, what do you expect? Considering how we met you. What do you mean? -What do you mean? On that pathetic fake blind date. -On that pathetic fake blind date. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Didn't she ever tell you about that? God, she really is pathological... -Didn't she ever tell you about that? God, she really is pathological... What fake blind date? What are you talking about? -I have to admit, things have really started looking up for me since my life turned to shit. So tell me more about this job. What exactly will you be doing? -So tell me more about this job. What exactly will you be doing? Well, mostly archival research, cataloguing old records and writing liner notes for their CD reissues. It's really... I can't believe it. -Well, mostly archival research, cataloguing old records and writing liner notes for their CD reissues. It's really... I can't believe it. Remember what I said when we first started -- this little breakdown might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you! -Remember what I said when we first started -- this little breakdown might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you! It doesn't pay very much, but I should be able to afford my own place in a few months... Do you think that's too soon? I'm really anxious to get my record collection out of storage... -It doesn't pay very much, but I should be able to afford my own place in a few months... Do you think that's too soon? I'm really anxious to get my record collection out of storage... Why don't we start with that next week? -Thank you, doctor. Don't thank me. You're doing all the work. -Seymour? Yes? -Yes? Do you have a check for me? -You were contracted to work- -malaria epidemic; very sudden. --malaria epidemic; very sudden. Let me see the sick. -Let me see the sick. Oh, you're a doctor now, too? -Oh, you're a doctor now, too? There is no reason for fear. -There is no reason for fear. On that I choose to remain dubious. Two are dead now in two nights. --oh, sing a different song, Abdullah- -there's nothing wrong with your men so stop telling me there is- -you do not call me a liar- you know nothing of their health- consider yourself fortunate I persuaded so many to stay- consider yourself fortunate I have decided to stay- --you do not call me a liar- you know nothing of their health- consider yourself fortunate I persuaded so many to stay- consider yourself fortunate I have decided to stay- You think you matter? -Beaumont is on that train- he matters- -He sees this chaos, he'll replace you all. He'll replace you, too- that's all you really care about. -He'll replace you, too- that's all you really care about. You think so? Fine. It's best you get out. Go. Tell all your people to go, run home where they'll be safe under the covers and when the bridge is built and the railroad is done, they can tell their women that out of all the thousands who worked here, they were the only ones to flee- -Morning, friend, glorious day. As are they all. -The next time will be as this time- The Devil has come to Tsavo- -that's ridiculous talk and you can't seriously believe it- --that's ridiculous talk and you can't seriously believe it- -now you're telling me my beliefs?- I don't think so- -I wasn't and you know it and don't push it- just listen- we have a problem in Tsavo- -at last you're right- we do- you are the problem in Tsavo- --at last you're right- we do- you are the problem in Tsavo- -careful, Abdullah- -No hints, Samuel. You don't know all that has happened here- the Devil has come to Tsavo. -You don't know all that has happened here- the Devil has come to Tsavo. You're right. The Devil has come. Look at me. I am the Devil. -I am a man of peace. Am I to take it you want to live? -Am I to take it you want to live? Most certainly. Absolutely. Yes. -Most certainly. Absolutely. Yes. Excellent decision. Your name is Abdullah? I'm sure we'll meet again. Go and enjoy the splendid morning. -Excellent decision. Your name is Abdullah? I'm sure we'll meet again. Go and enjoy the splendid morning. I think it's been a pleasure. -Starting now, we attack them. How; we don't know where they are? -How; we don't know where they are? We'll have to make them come to us, won't we? And since there are two of them, we're going to set two plans in motion. First: we must move the entire hospital by tomorrow night. -John Henry Patterson, come in. I'm Robert Beaumont. Firm- I like that, tells me a lot about you- -now why don't you tell me about me? To get you started, many people find me handsome, with a wonderful smile. I'm sure you agree. Winning personality, heaps of charm? My wife is the game player in the family, sir. -My wife is the game player in the family, sir. Games? Look at me closely, Patterson: I am a monster. My only pleasure is tormenting people who work for me, such as yourself. One mistake and I promise you this: I'll make you hate me. --build the bridge over the Tsavo river. And be finished in four months time. Can you do that? I'm sure you've examined my record. So you know I've never yet been late on a bridge. -I'm sure you've examined my record. So you know I've never yet been late on a bridge. You've never built in Africa. -You've never built in Africa. But I have in India- every country presents problems. -But I have in India- every country presents problems. You'll need your confidence, I promise you. -You'll need your confidence, I promise you. I've got a reason far beyond confidence: my wife is having our firstborn in five months and I promised I'd be with her when the baby comes. -I've got a reason far beyond confidence: my wife is having our firstborn in five months and I promised I'd be with her when the baby comes. Very moving, Patterson; I'm touched you confided in me. But I don't really give a shit about your upcoming litter. I've made you with this assignment- -don't make me break you. -Very moving, Patterson; I'm touched you confided in me. But I don't really give a shit about your upcoming litter. I've made you with this assignment- -don't make me break you. You won't have the chance. Any further words of encouragement? Then I've a train to catch. -Pleasant journey? How could it be? I hate Africa. -Lovely sound- they seem happy. Don't they, though? -Don't they, though? So work must be going well? -Truthfully? There has been the occasional odd hiccup- but then, as you so wisely told me, I'd never built in Africa. But overall, you're pleased? -I do need to see Starling. Starling? -Starling? Awhile back he ordered some bibles- -I've brought them. Is he here? -Awhile back he ordered some bibles- -I've brought them. Is he here? Yes he is. -Yes he is. Well, I need to speak to him. -It's what the natives are calling the lions- -two lions have been causing trouble- -what's the surprise in that, this is Africa? --what's the surprise in that, this is Africa? It hasn't been that simple so far. -It hasn't been that simple so far. What have they done besides kill Starling? How many have they killed? -This is supposed to be salvation? What kind of idiocy are we dealing with here? "I'm calling it my ""contraption""- we're going to surround it with a boma- a fence, to you- and we're going to leave a small opening opposite that door." -In that half will be bait- human bait- I'll start things off- -a sliding door will fit above that and a trip wire will run across the floor. Genius- the beast will enter, tripping the wire, the door will slide down, trapping him, you, safe behind the bars, will have him at your mercy and will shoot him. -Are you running a high fever, man? How could you expect something as lunatic as this to succeed? How could you even conceive of it? I didn't conceive of it for the lions- I built one in India when there was trouble with a tiger. -I didn't conceive of it for the lions- I built one in India when there was trouble with a tiger. And it worked? -And it worked? In point of fact, it didn't. But I'm convinced the theory is sound. -What? I made a mistake hiring you- you're simply not up to the job. -I made a mistake hiring you- you're simply not up to the job. You genuinely enjoy trying to terrify people, don't you? Well, fine- -except there isn't a higher rated engineer and we both know that. And since time is so important to you, how long do you think it would take to find someone else qualified and bring him here? -Let me explain about time- you've been here three months and already two months behind. And the Germans and the French are gearing up. And I don't care about you and I don't care about the thirty dead- I care about my knighthood and if this railroad finishes on schedule, I'll get my knighthood and I want it. Professional hunters may be the answer. All they'll bring is more chaos and we've plenty of that already- and if they come in, word will get out- and what happens to your knighthood then? -All they'll bring is more chaos and we've plenty of that already- and if they come in, word will get out- and what happens to your knighthood then? I'm going to try and locate Redbeard- I assume you've heard of him. -I'm going to try and locate Redbeard- I assume you've heard of him. Every man who's ever fired a rifle has heard of him- by the time you find him, the lions will be dead. -Every man who's ever fired a rifle has heard of him- by the time you find him, the lions will be dead. Very well, the job's still yours, I'll go. But if I have to return, you're finished. And I will then do everything I can to destroy your reputation. Am I not fair? Told you you'd hate me. -Understand, I had help- -not a time for modesty, Bob- -This sham? Ridiculous. Who needs it? It's only being built to control the ivory trade, make men richer. Then why do you stay? -Then why do you stay? Who else would hire me? Beat you to it, didn't I? Oh yes, almost forgot- brought you a little welcoming gift. -I know it's your first day and of course you must be tired from the journey- -but what are you going to do about it? Karim will have to show me where it happened. And of course, I'll need the donkey. With any luck, I'll sort it out tonight. -You're certain about tomorrow? But you don't seem excited. You don't enjoy killing, do you? -You don't enjoy killing, do you? Then why do it? -"I'm David Hawthorne, this is my hospital. And my advice to you is, ""don't get sick in front of it."" That was meant to be charming, sorry. I seem to have lost the knack." You never had it. -You never had it. Nigel and I don't like each other much. -A man-eater attacks and you're such a buffoon you almost forget to mention it? Well, he got away, didn't he? Riding a donkey not far from here when the lion sprang on them- donkey took the brunt of it- then suddenly the lion ran off. --then he feasted on him, starting with his feet- -please- you needn't be so graphic- --please- you needn't be so graphic- "You intend ""sorting this out"" tonight?" -That's a terrible idea- -is it, I'm sorry, but then, of course, you're the doctor, you should know. --is it, I'm sorry, but then, of course, you're the doctor, you should know. Silliest thing I ever heard of- why in the world should we go through all that? -Silliest thing I ever heard of- why in the world should we go through all that? I suppose I could answer you. I suppose I could explain that the place is so inviting, what with the smell of blood and flesh, that they have to strike. It's even possible that I tell you I found some fresh paw marks around back which means they're already contemplating feasting here. But I don't want to answer you because when you question me you are really saying that I don't have the least idea what I am doing, that I am nothing but an incompetent, that I am a fool. Anyone who finds me a fool, please say so now. -I suppose I could answer you. I suppose I could explain that the place is so inviting, what with the smell of blood and flesh, that they have to strike. It's even possible that I tell you I found some fresh paw marks around back which means they're already contemplating feasting here. But I don't want to answer you because when you question me you are really saying that I don't have the least idea what I am doing, that I am nothing but an incompetent, that I am a fool. Anyone who finds me a fool, please say so now. I have been desperate for Patterson to let me move the hospital since the day he arrived. -I have been desperate for Patterson to let me move the hospital since the day he arrived. Then we agree. -I tried to be late, John- it would have been easier if you'd gone. We're not much good at goodbyes, Helena. -We're not much good at goodbyes, Helena. Tell me about Beaumont- does he understand how brilliant you are, how lucky he is to have you? -Tell me about Beaumont- does he understand how brilliant you are, how lucky he is to have you? It was embarrassing- the man showered me with compliments. -Oh dear- -you're geting that downtrodden look again- -well, it's just... ...other men don't abandon their wives at such a time- --well, it's just... ...other men don't abandon their wives at such a time- -oh please- if I'd been against your taking this, you would have abandoned me. You've been desperate to see Africa your whole life. --oh please- if I'd been against your taking this, you would have abandoned me. You've been desperate to see Africa your whole life. What if there are complications?- -What if there are complications?- "-not ""what if""- there will be, there always are. Which only means that our ""son"" and I- note my confidence- will have an excuse to come visit." -Go, now. Such a gentleman. I am desperate to see Africa- but I hate the leaving. -Very good indeed. We have hunted since childhood. -We have hunted since childhood. All right- you'll spend your nights inside. You'll have plenty of ammunition. You're totally protected, you have really nothing to fear. -All right- you'll spend your nights inside. You'll have plenty of ammunition. You're totally protected, you have really nothing to fear. That is correct. Nothing. -Not once?- you didn't hit it once?- -I would never make excuses- but a fire broke out- the light was bad- he kept moving- --I would never make excuses- but a fire broke out- the light was bad- he kept moving- -well, of course he kept moving- but he couldn't have been more than ten feet away from the three of you- surely you must have wounded the thing- --well, of course he kept moving- but he couldn't have been more than ten feet away from the three of you- surely you must have wounded the thing- I assure you we came close many times- -Many thanks. You're Patterson, yes? Nigel Starling- I'll be assisting you at Tsavo- but surely Beaumont must have told you that. "He just gave me his ""monster"" speech." -"He just gave me his ""monster"" speech." That. I know Robert seems dreadful, but when you truly get to know the man, well, he's much worse. And I'm one of his defenders. Forget him for now- it's your first ride to Tsavo- I think you'll find it breathtaking. -Don't much like them. The females are bigger- only animal here like that- have to be or they wouldn't survive because the males eat the young. -Anything special about them? Just that they fart through their mouths. Must make kissing something of a gamble. -Just that they fart through their mouths. Must make kissing something of a gamble. I've lived in Africa a year and I don't know what you know. How long have you been here? -I've lived in Africa a year and I don't know what you know. How long have you been here? Almost three hours. But I've been getting ready all my life. -Every time I see something like that, I know we're right to be here- to bring Christianity into their lives, enrich their souls. Beaumont says it's to end slavery. -Beaumont says it's to end slavery. We all have our reasons. Mine is simply to make them understand happiness, accept salvation, know the serenity that comes- -best I stop. One of the by-products of my belief is that I can become amazingly boring. But I know God smiles on me. -We all have our reasons. Mine is simply to make them understand happiness, accept salvation, know the serenity that comes- -best I stop. One of the by-products of my belief is that I can become amazingly boring. But I know God smiles on me. Have you got that in writing? -Samuel is camp liaison- absolutely indispensable- the only man here everyone trusts. Does he speak English? -Excellent. Could I see the bridge site? I've got medical supplies to deliver. Come along to the hospital when you're done. -Finish your tour? And anxious to get started. What is this, mostly malaria? -And anxious to get started. What is this, mostly malaria? Yes- but their suffering is only transitory- once they except God into their hearts, He will vanquish all pain. -"I couldn't believe it when you said ""sort it out."" As if it were the most normal thing in the world. ""Ho-hum, what lovely tea, I think I'll bag a killer beast this evening, nothing much else going on anyway.""" Well, he put me in a spot, didn't he? But that's all right- after all, I'm responsible for everything that happens here. And it certainly won't do much for morale if a man-eater's on the prowl. -"You said ""of course"" you'd need the donkey. Why ""of course""?" We know three things about man-eaters. First, they always return to where they've attacked before. Second, they're always old- they can't catch other animals so they turn to us. And third, they're always alone- they've been cast out by their pride because they can't keep up. -I don't suppose I could watch. Might be exciting for you. -Might be exciting for you. I've never been all that adventurous. I wouldn't be in the way? -I've never been all that adventurous. I wouldn't be in the way? I'd love the company. And I've hunted all my life. -I'd love the company. And I've hunted all my life. Well, why not? You seem so calm and experienced. Why not, indeed! -I hate to be a bother, John, but the cramp's getting worse. The pain is actually quite unbearable now. Shhh. -Shhh. I'm sure you mean that to be comforting, but- -I'm sure you mean that to be comforting, but- -you'll have to deal with it, Nigel. --you'll have to deal with it, Nigel. That is precisely my plan- but back in my tent. -John? I know this isn't the time to ask, but- What? -What? Since you'd only been here three hours when we met, are you sure this is how you hunt lions? -Since you'd only been here three hours when we met, are you sure this is how you hunt lions? Not to terrify you, Nigel, but it's worse than you think- I've never even seen one. -...one shot... So that's what a lion looks like. -With much more on the way- -John- we could have had this chat on flatter ground- -true enough- but without the comedy relief. -How lucky we are. Aren't we full of ourselves today? I think it's because of the lion. -Aren't we full of ourselves today? I think it's because of the lion. Possibly. -All right- thee second embankment will go there. "You do plan to mark it a bit more precisely than just- -""there.""" -"You do plan to mark it a bit more precisely than just- -""there.""" In your honor, Nigel. And you and Singh will be in charge of building them- and you'll also build the roadbeds and the three foundation pillars- and you'll be finished in eight thrilling weeks. -In your honor, Nigel. And you and Singh will be in charge of building them- and you'll also build the roadbeds and the three foundation pillars- and you'll be finished in eight thrilling weeks. John, it will not be easy. -John, it will not be easy. Nigel, you'll just have to use your hands- -I'll try- but this feels so different- that old lion I killed could never carry off a man Singh's size. But you said they were always old. -But you said they were always old. That's what the books say... -Second death? Where?- -far end of camp- man wandering alone at night. Hawthorne's examining the body now. There's even less of him than of Singh. --far end of camp- man wandering alone at night. Hawthorne's examining the body now. There's even less of him than of Singh. But it's crazy- the lion shouldn't be that hungry this soon. Samuel? -What a good week. You mean nobody died? -You mean nobody died? We all worked together. Worthy deeds were accomplished. I liked the labor. My mother insisted on piano lessons- broke the dear woman's heart when I turned out to be tone deaf- but she still was always at me about being careful with my hands. I like the blood, is that strange? -I didn't have a chance to thank you. What did I do? -What did I do? Got me out of trouble. -Got me out of trouble. Nonsense- Samuel would have done something. -Nonsense- Samuel would have done something. We need to talk. -We need to talk. Let me save time- you are the engineer; you are in charge; you're sorry I'm here. Right so far? Good- because I am not an engineer, I don't want to be in charge, and I'm sorrier than you are that I'm here- I hate Tsavo. So I will help you by killing the lions and leaving, and you will help me by doing what I tell you so I can leave. See any problems? -Let me save time- you are the engineer; you are in charge; you're sorry I'm here. Right so far? Good- because I am not an engineer, I don't want to be in charge, and I'm sorrier than you are that I'm here- I hate Tsavo. So I will help you by killing the lions and leaving, and you will help me by doing what I tell you so I can leave. See any problems? Actually, no. -Actually, no. All right- let's go into battle. I'm Redbeard. -All right- let's go into battle. I'm Redbeard. Somehow I guessed. -I don't really. But understand something- even though it may take me two or three days to sort this out- -when I'm gone, you'll still have to build the bridge. And I don't want the men to have lost respect for you. That's very considerate. -That's very considerate. I'm always considerate- my mother taught me that. -Have you got it? No, but you do- -see, you were needed after all. And fifty warriors at the camp before dawn. -The best way to ensure the kill when you're using trackers is for one to shoot while the other uses the trackers to force the lion toward the shooter. Have you ever led trackers? I can try. -I can try. Samuel says you killed a lion. -Samuel says you killed a lion. It was probably luck- I'd rather you did the shooting. -It was probably luck- I'd rather you did the shooting. You'd never force the lion to me- and nobody ever got a lion with one shot by luck. Around there's a clearing- you'll know it from the anthills- get there and hide and listen to the sounds- I'll make the lion come directly to you. -...misfire... it jammed... Has it ever done that before? -Has it ever done that before? ...don't know... -Think about something else. Have you ever failed? -Have you ever failed? Only in life... -Goddammit! It's all right. Stay ready. They know it's there. -Meant to ask you- the railroad car trap. Your idea? Excellent notion- I used the same device myself once. But of course yours worked. -But of course yours worked. In point of fact it didn't- but I'm convinced the idea is sound. -"It would have been a beautiful bridge, John. I never noticed before, occupied with other business, I suppose... ...never really pay much attention to that kind of thing but I've had the time today, nothing else on, and this... it's graceful and the placement couldn't be prettier... and..." You just got hit. The getting up is up to you- but they're only lions- -and I'm going after them crack of dawn... -In my town, when I was little, there was a brute, a bully who terrorized the place. But he was not the problem. He had a brother who was worse than he. But the brother was not the problem. One or the other of them was usually in jail. The problem came when they were both free togther. The two became different from either alone. Alone they were only brutes. Together they became lethal, together they killed. What happened to them? -What happened to them? I got big. -Their den? Have you ever seen anything like this? Nobody's seen anything like this. Lions don't have caves like this- -they're doing it for pleasure. -Where could it have gone? How could it get across the water? They're only lions, yes? Don't they have to be?... -They're used to people in trees, not in a clearing. It may be tight. Not for me- I'm too bulky and it's your idea, you go up there. Take the others to the water tower for the night. -Not for me- I'm too bulky and it's your idea, you go up there. Take the others to the water tower for the night. I'll be bait alone? -I'll be bait alone? Yes. And I'll be in some distant tree where I can provide no assistance whatsoever. Can you control your fear? -Yes. And I'll be in some distant tree where I can provide no assistance whatsoever. Can you control your fear? I'll have to. -I'll have to. I can't control mine- I'd be lost without the shame factor driving me. -I can't control mine- I'd be lost without the shame factor driving me. Was that supposed to make me feel better? -It's certainly the best chance they've had to kill you. You think they'll come then? Why? -You think they'll come then? Why? Good luck. -Good luck. Why? -Why? Because I think they're after you. -How many do you think they've killed? The most of any lions... a hundred...? Probably more. Johnny...? -I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad you came. Understood- you realize now you could never have done it without me. -Understood- you realize now you could never have done it without me. Actually, I could have done it much more easily without you, but for whatever reason, I'm glad you came. -Why do the workers look unhappy? Because they are here. Because Tsavo is the worst place in the world. Come, John- to the bridge. -It's all wonderfully under control, Samuel- you've done a splendid job. Thank you. The truth is this: you have to work at it constantly. -Thank you. The truth is this: you have to work at it constantly. The workers don't get on? -The workers don't get on? Get on? They detest each other. Obviously the Africans hate the Indians. But the Indians also hate the other Indians. Some of them worship cows, while others eat them. -Did it look like this in your mind? This is more difficult- -I am also liaison between these two. Clearly you don't agree about building the railroad? -What are they looking at? You- they cannot believe you're still here. -You- they cannot believe you're still here. Nonsense. -Nonsense. "You don't know what Tsavo means, do you? It means ""slaughter""..." -We should construct thorn fences around every tent area. Fires burning at night. Fine. Get started. And a strict curfew- no one allowed out at night. Send half your men to the bridge, the rest with these two. And I'm sorry for my tone earlier. But I repeat- there is no reason for fear. I will kill the lion and I will build the bridge. -Oh yes, I think so. Look out, Samuel, here it comes. -For you. Thank you, Samuel. -Thank you, Samuel. Good news? -Good news? I expect so- it's from my wife. -I expect so- it's from my wife. Do you love her? -Do you love her? I do, actually; very much. -I do, actually; very much. You give me hope, John. -Soon. I have to ask- why do you need me? -You like him, don't you? Oh yes. But it takes time. -Oh yes. But it takes time. You've known him long? -You've known him long? Since his beard was red. -Thank you. Why does he need you by him? He doesn't. He needs nobody. But we have hunted many times... ...he knows I am afraid of lions... -Three years I've worked for the railroad. Now I don't know why. It seemed a good idea once. I feel the same about the bridge. This country certainly didn't ask for it, doesn't need it. -He has children? Once... -Where is it? Underneath. Somewhere. -Afraid of lions. It's all right, Samuel- we all get hit- -Why do you laugh?- you don't believe she taught me? I don't believe you had a mother. -How many cattle? Four should do it. -Four should do it. They will want a lot of money. -Why so many? Because I have two plans to kill the lions- one involving the cattle, the other the men. -Did you ever see a lion that size? Not even close. What happened? -Gentlemen, there's no sickness smell at all here, and little blood. When we leave, close the gate securely, don't open it til morning and keep your fires high. Any questions, ask them now. You two will sleep beautifully in your tents. And stay there. And where will you sleep beautifully? -And where will you sleep beautifully? Patterson and I will be in the old hospital- where the enticing smell of sickness still lingers- -and by the time we're done, I promise you, the odor of blood will be irresistible. -Where do you go next? Some Russian princes want to hunt the Himalayas. You? -Some Russian princes want to hunt the Himalayas. You? Help finish the railroad. -My life was shaped because someone invented gunpowder. Our lives have crossed because two lions went mad. But what if in the future the three of us do something grand for humanity? Was that worth all the lives? Too soon to tell. Some mysteries should not have solutions. -Some mysteries should not have solutions. Hold your son high. -Oh, yes, I got in a little late this morning, Janosz. You know, you are really doing very good work here. I think soon you may be ready to assist me in some of the more important restorations. -You know, you are really doing very good work here. I think soon you may be ready to assist me in some of the more important restorations. Thank you, Janosz. I've learned a lot here, but now that my baby's a little older, I was hoping to rejoin the orchestra. -We'll be very sorry to lose you. Perhaps I could take you to lunch today? Actually, I'm not eating lunch today. I have an appointment. In fact, I'd better go. -Every day I ask you, and every day you've got something else to do. Do I have bad breath or something? I'm sorry. Perhaps some other time. -I'm sorry. Perhaps some other time. Okay, I'll take a raincheck on that. -Janosz? Hello, Dana. I happened to be in the neighborhood and I thought I'd stop by to see if everything's all right with you -- you know, with the blackout and everything? Are you okay? Is the baby all right? -Do you need anything? You want me to come in? No, everything's fine. Honestly. Thanks anyway. -No, everything's fine. Honestly. Thanks anyway. Okay, just thought I'd check. Good night, Dana. Sleep well. Don't let the bedbugs bite you. -Okay, just thought I'd check. Good night, Dana. Sleep well. Don't let the bedbugs bite you. Good night, Janosz. -Dana, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend? Oh, I'm sorry. This is Peter Venkman. Peter, Janosz Poha. -What do you want with my baby? No harm will come to the child. You might even say it's a privilege. He will be the vessel for the spirit of Vigo. And you -- well, you will be the mother of the ruler of the world. Doesn't that sound nice? -No harm will come to the child. You might even say it's a privilege. He will be the vessel for the spirit of Vigo. And you -- well, you will be the mother of the ruler of the world. Doesn't that sound nice? If this is what the world will be like, I don't want to live in it. -If this is what the world will be like, I don't want to live in it. I don't believe we have the luxury of choice. -I don't believe we have the luxury of choice. Everybody has a choice. -Everybody has a choice. Not in this case, my dear. Take a look. That's not Gainsborough's Blue Boy up there. He's Vigo! -Not in this case, my dear. Take a look. That's not Gainsborough's Blue Boy up there. He's Vigo! I don't care who he is. He's not taking my baby. -Time is running out, Dana. Soon it will be midnight and the city will be mine -- and Vigo's. Well, mainly Vigo's. But we have a spectacular opportunity to make the best of our relationship. We don't have a relationship. -We don't have a relationship. I know. Marry me, Dana, and together we will raise Vigo as our son. There are many perks that come with being the mother of a living god. I'm sure he will supply for us a magnificent apartment. And perhaps a car and free parking. -I know. Marry me, Dana, and together we will raise Vigo as our son. There are many perks that come with being the mother of a living god. I'm sure he will supply for us a magnificent apartment. And perhaps a car and free parking. I hate and despise you and everything you stand for with all my heart and soul. I could never forgive what you've done to me and my child. -I hate and despise you and everything you stand for with all my heart and soul. I could never forgive what you've done to me and my child. Many marriages begin with a certain amount of distance, but after a while I believe we could learn to love each other. Think about it. -Many marriages begin with a certain amount of distance, but after a while I believe we could learn to love each other. Think about it. I'd rather not. -Hundreds of people. Believe me, I didn't imagine this. I'm not saying you did. In science we always look for the simplest explanation. -What are you working on, Egon? I'm trying to determine whether human emotional states have a measurable effect on the psychomagnetheric energy field. It's a theory Ray and I were working on when we had to dissolve Ghostbusters. -We'll do the happiness index next. I'd like to bring Ray in on your case, if it's all right with you. Okay, whatever you think -- but not Venkman. -Okay, whatever you think -- but not Venkman. Oh no. -Oh no. Do you ever see him? -Do you ever see him? Occasionally -Occasionally How is he these days? -How is he these days? Venkman? I think he was borderline for a while there. Then he crossed the border. -Venkman? I think he was borderline for a while there. Then he crossed the border. Does he ever mention me? -Does he ever mention me? No. Not that I can recall. -This is my address and telephone number. Will you call me? Certainly. -Certainly. Egon, I'd rather you didn't mention any of this to Peter if you don't mind. -Egon, I'd rather you didn't mention any of this to Peter if you don't mind. I won't. -I won't. Thank you. -Frank, do you think you could give me a hand with these bags? I'm not a doorman, Miss Barrett. I'm a building superintendent. -I'm not a doorman, Miss Barrett. I'm a building superintendent. You're also a human being, Frank. -You're also a human being, Frank. Okay, okay. It's not my job, but what the hell. I'll do you a favor. He takes the grocery bags from her. -Okay, okay. It's not my job, but what the hell. I'll do you a favor. He takes the grocery bags from her. Thank you, Frank. I'll get the hang of this eventually. -Hiya, Oscar. What do you say, slugger? That's a good-looking kid you got there, Ms. Barrett. -That's a good-looking kid you got there, Ms. Barrett. Thank you, Frank. Oh, are you ever going to fix the radiator in my bedroom? I asked you last week. -Thank you, Frank. Oh, are you ever going to fix the radiator in my bedroom? I asked you last week. Didn't I do it? -No, you didn't, Frank. Okay, that's no problem. -Okay, that's no problem. That's exactly what you said last week. -Hello, Peter. You know, Dana, I'm very very hurt that you didn't call me first. I'm still into all this stuff, you know. Haven't you ever seen my show? -You know, Dana, I'm very very hurt that you didn't call me first. I'm still into all this stuff, you know. Haven't you ever seen my show? I have. That's why I didn't call you first. -I have. That's why I didn't call you first. I can see that you're still very bitter about us, but in the interest of science, I'm going to give it my best shot. Let's go to work, boys. -So what happened to Mr. Right? I hear he ditched you and the kid and moved to Europe. "He didn't ""ditch"" me. We had some problems, he got a good offer from an orchestra in England and he took it." -"He didn't ""ditch"" me. We had some problems, he got a good offer from an orchestra in England and he took it." He ditched you. You should've married me, you know. -He ditched you. You should've married me, you know. You never asked me, and every time I brought it up you'd get drowsy and fall asleep. -You never asked me, and every time I brought it up you'd get drowsy and fall asleep. Men are very sensitive, you know. We need to feel loved and desired, too. -Men are very sensitive, you know. We need to feel loved and desired, too. "Well, when you started introducing me as ""the old ball and chain,"" that's when I left." -"Well, when you started introducing me as ""the old ball and chain,"" that's when I left." I may have a few personal problems but one thing I am is a total professional. -What do you think? There's no doubt about it. He's got his father's looks. The kid is ugly -- extremely ugly. And smelly. You stink! It's just horrible. You are the stinkiest baby I ever smelled. What's his name? -There's no doubt about it. He's got his father's looks. The kid is ugly -- extremely ugly. And smelly. You stink! It's just horrible. You are the stinkiest baby I ever smelled. What's his name? His name is Oscar. -His name is Oscar. Oscar! You poor kid! -Oscar! You poor kid! Peter, this is serious. I need to know if you think there's anything unusual about him. -Peter, this is serious. I need to know if you think there's anything unusual about him. Unusual? I don't know. I haven't had a lot of experience with babies. -I'll do it. I'll supervise. -Brings back a lot of sweet memories, doesn't it? There's our old cash machine. And the dry cleaners we used to go to. And the old video store. We really had some good times, didn't we? We definitely had a moment or two. -That's where the buggy stopped. Okay, let's take a look. -I wish I could stay. I feel personally responsible for you being here. You are personally responsible. If I can get conjugal rights, will you visit me at Sing Sing? -You are personally responsible. If I can get conjugal rights, will you visit me at Sing Sing? Please don't say that. You won't go to prison. -Please don't say that. You won't go to prison. Don't worry about me. I'm like a cat. -Don't worry about me. I'm like a cat. You mean you cough up hairballs all over the rug? -You mean you cough up hairballs all over the rug? I'm El Gato. I always land on my feet. -I'm El Gato. I always land on my feet. Good luck. -Good luck. Thanks. -So this is what you do, huh? Oh, hello, Peter. -Oh, hello, Peter. You're really good, you know. -You're really good, you know. I didn't paint it. I'm just cleaning it. It's an original Ver Meer. It's worth about ten million dollars. -I'm sure you didn't come here just to talk about art. As a matter of fact, I stopped by to tell you that I haven't forgotten your problem and that we're still on the case. -He was also a lunatic and a genocidal madman. I hate this painting. I've felt very uncomfortable since they brought it up from storage. Yeah, it's not the kind of thing you'd want to hang in the rec room. You know what it needs? A fluffy little white kitten in the corner. -I may be wrong, but I think you've got a little crush on this guy. Good-bye, Peter. -Good-bye, Peter. I'd like to stay, but I really don't have time to hang around here. I'll call you. Later, Johnny! -I'm sorry. Were you on your way out? No, I just got in -- a couple hours ago. Come on in. Are we having a pajama party? -No, I just got in -- a couple hours ago. Come on in. Are we having a pajama party? Peter, the bathtub tried to eat Oscar. -You know, if anyone else told me that, I'd have serious doubts. But coming from you, I can't honestly say I'm surprised. I must be losing my mind. At the museum today I could have sworn that terrible painting of Vigo looked right at me. -I must be losing my mind. At the museum today I could have sworn that terrible painting of Vigo looked right at me. Who could blame him? Were you wearing this nightgown? -Who could blame him? Were you wearing this nightgown? I don't know what to do anymore. -I don't know what to do anymore. I'll get Ray and Egon to check out the bathtub. You better stay here. -This is Joe Namath's old number, you know. You could get a lot of chicks with this. Just don't pee in it. Peter, what about the bathtub? -Peter, what about the bathtub? We'll take care of that. Ray, Pete. Listen, get over to Dana's right away ... Her bathtub pulled a fast one -- tried to eat the kid. -We'll take care of that. Ray, Pete. Listen, get over to Dana's right away ... Her bathtub pulled a fast one -- tried to eat the kid. It was full of this awful pink ooze. -It was full of this awful pink ooze. Sounds like another slime job ... No, they're all right. They're here now ... Right ... Let me know. -Bathroom's right here -- let me just tidy up a few things. Peter, this is very nice, but you don't have to do any of this, you know. -Be careful on that sofa -- it's a butt-biter. But the bed's good and I just changed the sheets so if you get tired, feel free. In fact, I think you should definitely plan on spending the night here. Really? And how would we handle the sleeping arrangements? -Really? And how would we handle the sleeping arrangements? For me it's best if I sleep on my side and you spoon up right behind me with your arms around me. If we go the other way I'm afraid your hair will be getting in my face all night. -For me it's best if I sleep on my side and you spoon up right behind me with your arms around me. If we go the other way I'm afraid your hair will be getting in my face all night. How about you on the sofa and me in bed with the baby. -How about you on the sofa and me in bed with the baby. Or we could do that. -Or we could do that. Thank you. Poor baby. I think I should put him down now. -Thank you. Poor baby. I think I should put him down now. I'll put him down for you. You are way too short! And your belly-button sticks out! You're nothing but a burden to your poor mother! -Are you all squeaky clean now? Yes, I'm very clean. Did they find anything at my apartment? -They didn't find anything? In the bathtub ... the pink ooze ... nothing? So, what do I do now? Now you get dressed and we go out. I got a babysitter and everything. Trust me, you need it. -Now you get dressed and we go out. I got a babysitter and everything. Trust me, you need it. I'm not here to date. I can't leave Oscar in a strange place with someone I don't know. -I'm not here to date. I can't leave Oscar in a strange place with someone I don't know. It's Janine Melnitz, from my staff. She's one of my most valuable employees. -It's Janine Melnitz, from my staff. She's one of my most valuable employees. Does she know anything about babies? -Does she know anything about babies? Janine Melnitz, are you kidding? Do I have a vase? I brought some of your clothes. Wear something intriguing. I brought along some interesting possibilities. -Janine Melnitz, are you kidding? Do I have a vase? I brought some of your clothes. Wear something intriguing. I brought along some interesting possibilities. Okay, but it's not a date. It's a dinner. -Did you happen to see some shirts on the floor in here? I put them in your hamper. I thought they were dirty. -I put them in your hamper. I thought they were dirty. I have a hamper? Next time ask me first, okay. I have more than two grades of laundry. There're lots of subtle levels between clean and dirty. -So -- are you making any New Year's resolutions? I want to stop getting involved with men who aren't good for me. -I want to stop getting involved with men who aren't good for me. Does that start exactly at midnight tomorrow, or could you hold off for a few days maybe? -Does that start exactly at midnight tomorrow, or could you hold off for a few days maybe? For one night in your life, do you think it's possible for us to be completely real? -For one night in your life, do you think it's possible for us to be completely real? All right, you want to be real? So tell me why did you dump me? -All right, you want to be real? So tell me why did you dump me? Oh, Peter, I didn't dump you. I just had to protect myself. You really weren't very good for me, you know. -Oh, Peter, I didn't dump you. I just had to protect myself. You really weren't very good for me, you know. I'm not even good for me. -I'm not even good for me. Why do you say things like that? You're so much better than you know. -Why do you say things like that? You're so much better than you know. Thank you. If I had that kind of support on a daily basis, I could definitely shape up by the turn of the century. -Thank you. If I had that kind of support on a daily basis, I could definitely shape up by the turn of the century. So why don't you give me a jingle in the year 2000? -So why don't you give me a jingle in the year 2000? Let me jingle you right now. -Maybe I should call Janine. Don't worry. Janine has a very special way with children. -I think he likes you. I think I do too. Finally came to your senses, huh? -That's not true. It was 1620. Same difference. -That's a terrible thing to say. So what? It's a free country. Thanks, Lib. -Hi, Ray. It's good to see you. Thanks for coming. No problem. Always glad to help -- and hug. -No problem. Always glad to help -- and hug. Hi, Egon. -Is this the spot? A little to the left. Right there! That's where it stopped. -I think we hit the honeypot, boys. There's something brewing under the street. Peter, do you think maybe I have some genetic problem or something that makes me vulnerable to these supernatural things. -Sorry! Maybe we should discuss this somewhere else. -According to my sources, the world will end on February 14, in the year 2016. Valentine's Day. That's got to be a bummer. Where did you get that date, Elaine? -Valentine's Day. That's got to be a bummer. Where did you get that date, Elaine? I received this information from an alien. I was at the Paramus Holiday Inn, I was having a drink in the bar when he approached me and started talking. Then he must have used some sort of ray or a mind control device because he made me follow him to his room and that's where he told me about the end of the world. -I received this information from an alien. I was at the Paramus Holiday Inn, I was having a drink in the bar when he approached me and started talking. Then he must have used some sort of ray or a mind control device because he made me follow him to his room and that's where he told me about the end of the world. Your alien had a room in the Holiday Inn? -Your alien had a room in the Holiday Inn? It may have been a room on the spacecraft made up to look like a room in the Holiday Inn. I can't be sure, Peter. -It may have been a room on the spacecraft made up to look like a room in the Holiday Inn. I can't be sure, Peter. No, you can't, and I think that's the whole problem with aliens; you just can't trust them. You may get some nice ones occasionally like Starman or E.T., but most of them turn out to be some kind of lizard. Anyway, we're just about out of time. Next week on 'World of the Psychic,' hairless pets. Until then, this is Peter Venkman saying ... ... Good night. -Can I help you? Yeah, you can get your hand off my chest. -I'm Jack Hardemeyer. I'm the mayor's assistant. What can I do for you? I'm an old friend of the mayor's. I just want to say hello to him. -I'm an old friend of the mayor's. I just want to say hello to him. I know who you are, Doctor Venkman. Busting any ghosts lately? -I know who you are, Doctor Venkman. Busting any ghosts lately? No, that's what I want to talk to the mayor about. We did a little job for the city a while back and we ended up getting sued, screwed and tattooed by deskworms like you. -No, that's what I want to talk to the mayor about. We did a little job for the city a while back and we ended up getting sued, screwed and tattooed by deskworms like you. Look, you stay away from the mayor. Next fall, barring a disaster, he's going to be elected governor of this state and the last thing we need is for him to be associated with two-bit frauds and publicity hounds like you and your friends. You read me? -That's quite a story. Yeah, I think the Times might be interested, don't you? The Post might have a lot of fun with it, too. -Before you go running to the newspapers with this, would you consider telling this slime thing to some people downtown? Now you're talking. -Look, I've had it with you. Get your stuff together, get back in that clown car and get out of here. This is a city matter and everything's under control. Oh, you think so? Well, I've got news for you. You've got Dracula's brother-in-law in there and he's got my girlfriend and her kid. Around about midnight tonight, when you're partying uptown, this guy's going to come to life and start doing amateur head transplants. And that's just round one. -What is it, honey? It's that darn ghost again! I don't know what to do anymore. He just won't leave us alone. I guess we'll just have to move. -It's that darn ghost again! I don't know what to do anymore. He just won't leave us alone. I guess we'll just have to move. Don't worry. We're not moving. He is. -Who are you going to call? Ghostbusters. -Oh migod! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. It was an accident. What are you doing up here? -What are you doing up here? I was trying to get that smelly green thing. The guys asked me to help out. I'm like the fifth Ghostbuster. -I was trying to get that smelly green thing. The guys asked me to help out. I'm like the fifth Ghostbuster. Why would you want to be a Ghostbuster if you're already an accountant? -Why would you want to be a Ghostbuster if you're already an accountant? Oh, no, it's just if one of the guys calls in sick or gets hurt. -Have you made any plans yet? You know tomorrow is New Year's Eve. No, I celebrate at the beginning of my corporate tax year which is March first. That way I beat the crowds. -No, I celebrate at the beginning of my corporate tax year which is March first. That way I beat the crowds. That's very practical. I hate going out on New Year's Eve, too. -Well, good night, Louis. Janine, do you feel like maybe getting something to eat on the way home? -Janine, do you feel like maybe getting something to eat on the way home? I'd like to, but I told Dr. Venkman I'd babysit. Do you want to babysit with me? -I'd like to, but I told Dr. Venkman I'd babysit. Do you want to babysit with me? Oh, sure, that sounds great. -I can't believe a person could actually live like this. So these dwarfs had a limited partnership in a small mining operation and then one day a beautiful princess came to live with them. -So these dwarfs had a limited partnership in a small mining operation and then one day a beautiful princess came to live with them. It's really not a bad place. It just needs a woman's touch. -It's really not a bad place. It just needs a woman's touch. So they bartered room and board in exchange for housekeeping services, which was a good deal for all of them because then they didn't have to withhold tax and social security, which I'm not saying is right but it's just a story, so I guess it's all right. I can finish this later if you're tired. -You're really good with children, Louis. I can tell. Why don't you come here and sit with me? Okay. -Motherhood is a very natural instinct for me. I'd like to have a baby myself. Wouldn't you? Tonight? -Should we go? I don't think we should leave her alone. -I don't think we should leave her alone. You're right. We should stay. -I'm not sure this is such a good idea? Do they know you're doing this? Oh, yeah, sure -- no. But there's really not much to do here and they might need some back-up at the museum. -Oh, yeah, sure -- no. But there's really not much to do here and they might need some back-up at the museum. You're very brave, Louis. Good luck. -Pleasure to meet you. I've seen you on television. How are you? What's that you're working on, Johnny? -It's a painting I'm restoring for the new Byzantine exhibition. It's a self-portrait of Prince Vigo, the Carpathian. He ruled most of Carpathia and Moldavia in the 17th Century. Too bad for the Moldavians. -We don't go around altering valuable paintings, Dr. Venkman. Well, I'd make an exception in this case if I were you. -I'll let you get back to it. Nice meeting you. My pleasure. -Dr. Venkman? Dana is not here. I know. -I know. Then why have you come? -Then why have you come? We got a major creep alert and we're just going down the list. Your name was first. -You know, I never got to ask you. Where you from, Johnny? The Upper West Side. -This is the one that looked at Dana. It must be the chemical fumes in the studio. People start imagining things -- -It must be the chemical fumes in the studio. People start imagining things -- I'm going to rule out the glue-sniffing theory. If she says it looked at her, it looked at her. Hey, you! Vigie! Look at me. I'm talking to you. Hey! Look at me when I'm talking to you. -So you see, everything is in order, is it not? Not. Don't leave town and report any change in your address to the proper authorities. We'll be back. -You pitiful, miserable creatures! You dare to challenge the power of darkness? Don't you realize what you are dealing with? He's Vigo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him. Oh, Johnny. Did you back the wrong horse. -I, Vigo, the scourge of Carpathia, the sorrow of Moldavia, command you. Command me, lord. -Command me, lord. On a mountain of skulls in a castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood. What was will be, what is will be no more. Now is the season of evil. Find me a child that I might live again. -I, Vigo, the scourge of Carpathia -- Yes, the scourge -- -Yes, the scourge -- -- the sorrow of Moldavia -- --- the sorrow of Moldavia -- -- the sorrow -- --- the sorrow -- I command you. -I command you. I await the word of Vigo. -I await the word of Vigo. The season of evil begins with the birth of the new year. Bring me the child that I might live again. -The season of evil begins with the birth of the new year. Bring me the child that I might live again. Lord Vigo, the mother, Dana, is fine and strong. I was wondering -- well, would it be possible -- if I bring the baby, could I have the woman? -Lord Vigo, the mother, Dana, is fine and strong. I was wondering -- well, would it be possible -- if I bring the baby, could I have the woman? So be it. On this the day of darkness, she will be ours, wife to you and mother to me. -Keep that up, mister, and I'll find you in contempt. Sorry, your Honor, but when somebody sets me up like that I can't resist. -You've got to do something! Who are they? -Who are they? They're the Scoleri Brothers. I tried them for murder. They were electrocuted up at Ossining in '48. Now they want to kill me. -They're the Scoleri Brothers. I tried them for murder. They were electrocuted up at Ossining in '48. Now they want to kill me. Maybe they just want to appeal. -These boys aren't playing around. You've got to stop them. Please! -The witness is leading him. Sustained. Okay, let me rephrase that question. Didn't you once coach a basketball team for underprivileged children? -Sustained. Mr. Tully, do you have anything to ask this witness that may have some bearing on this case? Do I? -Your honor, may I approach the bench? Yes. -Can I have some of your water? Get on with it, counselor! -Get on with it, counselor! Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the -- audience. I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Okay, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was stuck in an elevator for about three hours and I had to go to the bathroom the whole time, but I don't blame them because once I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you. -That's it? That's all you have to say? Did I forget something? -Come on, Sherm. You're my cousin. Do this for me. I'm begging you. I can't do it, Louis. It isn't ethical. I could lose my license. -I can't do it, Louis. It isn't ethical. I could lose my license. Why can't you just have them released? You're a doctor. -Why can't you just have them released? You're a doctor. I'm a dermatologist. I can't write orders on the psych ward. -I'm a dermatologist. I can't write orders on the psych ward. Sherman, I've done lots of favors for you. -Sherman, I've done lots of favors for you. Like what? -Like what? I got you out of those bad tax shelters. -I got you out of those bad tax shelters. You were the one who got me in. -You were the one who got me in. I fixed you up with Diane Troxler and she put out, didn't she? -I fixed you up with Diane Troxler and she put out, didn't she? Yeah, I had to give her free dermabrasion for a year. Forget it, Louis. I could get in a lot of trouble. -Yeah, I had to give her free dermabrasion for a year. Forget it, Louis. I could get in a lot of trouble. I'm telling you, we're all going to be in big trouble if we don't do something fast. That ghost guy came and took my friend's baby and we got to get it back. It's just a scared little baby, Sherm. -I'm telling you, we're all going to be in big trouble if we don't do something fast. That ghost guy came and took my friend's baby and we got to get it back. It's just a scared little baby, Sherm. Then you should go to the police. I don't believe in any of that stuff. -This is my cousin Sherman. Sherm, say hello to the Ghostbusters. I promised him a ride in the car if he got you out. Hi, it's really great to meet you guys. I know this sounds weird but once I had a dream that my grandfather was standing at the foot of my bed, but I knew it was impossible because he died and he started to tell me that -- -Hey! Wait! Okay, I'll meet you there. I thought you were like the fifth Ghostbuster. -I thought you were like the fifth Ghostbuster. I let them handle all the little stuff. I just come in on the big ones. -Hi, welcome back to the 'World of the Psychic,' I'm Peter Venkman and I'm chatting with my guest, author, lecturer and of course, psychic, Milton Anglund. Milt, your new book is called The End of the World. Isn't that kind of like writing about gum disease. Yes, it could happen, but do you think anybody wants to read a book about it? Well, I think it's important for people to know that the world is in danger. -Well, I think it's important for people to know that the world is in danger. Okay, so can you tell us when it's going to happen or do we have to buy the book? -Okay, so can you tell us when it's going to happen or do we have to buy the book? I predict that the world will end at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve. -I predict that the world will end at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve. This year? That's cutting it a little close, isn't it? I mean, just from a sales point of view, the book just came out, right? So you're not even looking at the paperback release for maybe a year. And it's going to be at least another year after that if the thing has movie-of-the-week or mini-series potential. You would have been better off predicting 1992 or even '94 just to be safe. -This year? That's cutting it a little close, isn't it? I mean, just from a sales point of view, the book just came out, right? So you're not even looking at the paperback release for maybe a year. And it's going to be at least another year after that if the thing has movie-of-the-week or mini-series potential. You would have been better off predicting 1992 or even '94 just to be safe. This is not just some money-making scheme! I didn't just make up the date. I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New Year's Eve. -This is not just some money-making scheme! I didn't just make up the date. I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New Year's Eve. Well, for your sake, I hope you're right. But I think my other guest may disagree with you. Elaine, you had another date in mind? -Yes, I did. We were city champs. Objection. Irrelevant and immaterial. -So, Dr. Venkman, please explain to the court why it is you and your co-defendants took it upon yourselves to dig a big hole in the middle of the street. Seventy-seventh and First Avenue has so many holes already we didn't think anyone would notice. -I'll ask you again, Dr. Venkman. Why were you digging the hole? And please remember that you're under oath. I had my fingers crossed when they swore me in, but I'm going to tell you the truth. There are things in this world that go way beyond human understanding, things that can't be explained and that most people don't want to know about anyway. That's where we come in. -I had my fingers crossed when they swore me in, but I'm going to tell you the truth. There are things in this world that go way beyond human understanding, things that can't be explained and that most people don't want to know about anyway. That's where we come in. So what are you saying? That the world of the supernatural is your special province? -So what are you saying? That the world of the supernatural is your special province? No, I guess I'm just saying that shit happens and somebody has to deal with it. -Egon! Hello, Venkman. -Hello, Venkman. How've you been? How's teaching? I bet those science chicks really dig that big cranium of yours, huh? -How've you been? How's teaching? I bet those science chicks really dig that big cranium of yours, huh? I think they're more interested in my epididymis. -I think they're more interested in my epididymis. I don't even want to know where that is. -I'd like to have a stool specimen Yeah, you would. Is that for personal or professional reasons? -What now, Brainiac? I think we should see if we can find anything abnormal on the street. -I think we should see if we can find anything abnormal on the street. Finding something abnormal on the street shouldn't be too hard. -That's a thousand million electron volts. I knew that. -You were supposed to help me with this. You need the exercise. -"""Vigo the Carpathian, born 1505, died 1610 --""" A hundred and five years? He really hung on, didn't he. -"That's it? ""I'll be back?""" It's a rough translation from the Moldavian. -You know, animals and lower life forms often anticipate major disasters. Given the new magnetheric readings we could see a tremendous breeding surge in the cockroach population. Roach breeding? Sounds better and better. Dana? The boys are going down under the sewers tonight to look for slime. Egon thinks there might even be some kind of big roach-breeding surge. Should we forget about dinner and go with them instead? -Boys, listen. You're scaring the straights. Let's save this until tomorrow, okay? This won't wait until tomorrow, Venkman. It's hot and it's ready to pop. -It's working. The positive GeV's are climbing. They love you, Lib. Keep it up. -So far so good. I'm worried. The vibrations could shake her to pieces. We should have padded her feet. -Pretty impressive, huh? It's probably the first thing my grandparents saw when they came to this country. -It's probably the first thing my grandparents saw when they came to this country. From where -- Neptune? -From where -- Neptune? They came from Ostrov in Eastern Poland. -They came from Ostrov in Eastern Poland. Ostrov? I've been there. Good party town. -Who was that? Some crank. Looking for goat hooves. Come up with anything? -Some crank. Looking for goat hooves. Come up with anything? This one's interesting. Berlin, 1939, a flower cart took off by itself and rolled approximately half a kilometer over level ground. Three hundred eyewitnesses. -This one's interesting. Berlin, 1939, a flower cart took off by itself and rolled approximately half a kilometer over level ground. Three hundred eyewitnesses. You might want to check those Duke University mean averaging studies on controlled psychokinesis. -You might want to check those Duke University mean averaging studies on controlled psychokinesis. Good idea. -Nothing. Not a trace. Why don't we try the Giga-meter? -The New York Pneumatic Railway. It was an experimental subway system. Fan-forced air-trains, built around 1870. This is about as deep as you can go under Manhattan without digging your own hole. -This is about as deep as you can go under Manhattan without digging your own hole. What's the reading? -Seems like a pretty open-minded guy, huh? "His nickname is ""The Hammer.""" -Hey, I didn't imagine it. There must have been ten thousand gallons of it down there. It may be ebbing and flowing from some tidal source. -I'm Egon -- And we're the ... -"No, not exactly a man of the people. ""Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.""" "This guy was a bad monkey. He dabbled in all the Black Arts, and listen to this prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were, ""Death is but a door, time is but a window. I'll be back.""" -Six feet -- seven -- eight -- That's it. It's on the bottom. -That's it. It's on the bottom. Nine feet -- ten -- -If you two are looking for a fight, you got one. Who wants it first? Come on, Ray. Try me, sucker. Butt out, you pencil-necked geek. I've had it with you. -It won't work. There's no way we could generate enough positive energy to crack that shell. I can't believe things have gotten so bad in this city that there's no way back. Sure, it's crowded, it's dirty, it's noisy. And there are too many people who'd just as soon step on your face as look at you. But there've got to be a few sparks of sweet humanity left in this burned-out burg. We just have to mobilize it. -I can't believe things have gotten so bad in this city that there's no way back. Sure, it's crowded, it's dirty, it's noisy. And there are too many people who'd just as soon step on your face as look at you. But there've got to be a few sparks of sweet humanity left in this burned-out burg. We just have to mobilize it. We need something that everyone can get behind, a symbol -- -Something that appeals to the best in each and every one of us -- Something good -- -Don't shoot! You'll hit Ray! Do it! Just do it! -We've found it at every event site we've been to lately. You mean this stuff actually feeds on 'bad vibes'? -There's definitely something going on in that studio. The PKE levels were max-plus and the Giga-meter was showing all red. I'd put my money on that Vigo character. -Is the line sinking? No, the slime is rising. -Rivers of the stuff! And it's all flowing toward the museum. -Late Renaissance, I think. Caravaggio or Brunelleschi. There's something very familiar about this painting. -Oh, hello, perhaps you could help me. I'm looking for an aerosol love potion I could spray on a certain Penthouse Pet that would make her unconditionally submit to an unusual personal request. Oh, hiya, Pete. -Oh, hiya, Pete. So, no goat hooves, huh? -So, no goat hooves, huh? I knew that voice sounded familiar. What's up? How's it going? -I knew that voice sounded familiar. What's up? How's it going? Nowhere -- fast. Why don't you lock up and buy me a sub? -Nowhere -- fast. Why don't you lock up and buy me a sub? Uh, I can't. I'm kind of working on something. -Great. So what are you guys working on? Oh, just checking something for an old friend. -Oh, just checking something for an old friend. Who? -Who? Who? Just -- someone we know. -Who? Just -- someone we know. Oh, Ray -- -Who? Who? Who? Aaah! Nobody! I can't tell you! -Aaah! Nobody! I can't tell you! Who, Ray? -Who, Ray? Dana! Dana Barrett! -Well, Holmes, what do you think? It's an interesting one, Pete. If anything was going on it's totally subdued now. -What's that? Egon and I have been working on a gauge to measure psychomagnetheric energy in GEVs - giga electron volts. -I love this. We're onto something really big. I can smell it, Ray. We're going to make some headlines with this one. Hey, hey, hey, stresshound! Are you nuts? If anybody found out about this we'd be in serious trouble. The judge couldn't have been clearer - no ghostbusting. -Hey, hey, hey, stresshound! Are you nuts? If anybody found out about this we'd be in serious trouble. The judge couldn't have been clearer - no ghostbusting. Relax. We're going to keep this whole thing nice and quiet, low key, no profile. -Geez, I forgot how heavy these things are. Okay, let's heat 'em up! -I'm Ray -- I'm Peter -- -Careful, Winston. He's a mean one. And to celebrate our grand reopening, we're giving you twice the value with our special half-price 'Welcome Back' service plan. Hold on, Ray! Half-price! Have you gone crazy? -Hold on, Ray! Half-price! Have you gone crazy? I guess so, Pete, because that's not all. Tell them what else we've got, Egon. -You know he ran that last lap in under six minutes? If he wasn't dead he'd be an Olympic prospect. -Oh good, you're here. Spengler and I have something really amazing to show you. It's not that thing you do with your nostrils, is it? -And now you're going to eat it? No, I'm just restoring it to its normal state. -This is what you do with your spare time? This is an incredible breakthrough, Venkman. A psychoreactive substance! Whatever this is, it clearly responds to human emotional states. -This is an incredible breakthrough, Venkman. A psychoreactive substance! Whatever this is, it clearly responds to human emotional states. 'Mood slime.' We ought to bottle this stuff and sell it. -Like a goat on garbage. We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive reaction. -We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive reaction. What kind of tests? -What kind of tests? Well, we sing to it, we talk to it, we say supportive, nurturing things -- -Well, we sing to it, we talk to it, we say supportive, nurturing things -- You're not sleeping with this stuff, are you? -Did you find anything at Dana's? Nothing. Just some mood-slime residue in and around the bathtub. But we did turn up some interesting stuff on this Vigo character you mentioned. I found the name Vigo the Carpathian in Leon Zundinger's Magicians, Martyrs and Madmen. Listen to this: -Beautiful, beautiful. Work with me, baby. Just have fun with it. Okay, he's playing it cool. Let's finish up and get out of here. I'll get one more reading. -What happened? You just picked up three penalty points on your driver's license. -Don't tell me, let me guess. All-you-can-eat barbecue rib night at the Sizzler? We're going down into the sewer system to see if we can trace the source of the psycho-reactive slime flow. We thought you might want to come along. -We're going down into the sewer system to see if we can trace the source of the psycho-reactive slime flow. We thought you might want to come along. Darn it! I wish I'd known you were going. I'm stuck with these damn dinner reservations. -I think we're going to have to pass on the sewer trip, boys. Let me know what you find out. Okay, but you're missing all the fun. -You should've been there, Venkman. Absolutely incredible! Yeah, sorry I missed it. I guess you guys didn't know about the dress code here. It's really kind of a coat and tie place. -Yeah, sorry I missed it. I guess you guys didn't know about the dress code here. It's really kind of a coat and tie place. It's all over the city, Pete -- well, under it actually. -It looks like a giant Jello mold. I hate Jello. -Forget it. The Vienna Boys Choir couldn't get through this stuff. Good effort. Now what? Should we say supportive, nurturing things to it, Ray? -I hope we have enough stuff to do the job. Only one way to find out. Ready, Teddy? -I'll keep to the middle of the channel. We're okay to 59th Street, then we'll go ashore and take First Avenue to 79th. Are you kidding? We'll hit all that bridge traffic at 59th. I'm going to take 72nd straight up to Fifth. Trust me, I used to drive a cab. -I don't think they make Nikes in her size. We're almost there, Lib. Step on it. -My Fault! She's new in town. -Vigi, Vigi, Vigi -- you have been a bad little monkey. The whole city's together on this one. We took a vote. Everybody's down on you, you know. -I think she looks pretty good here, don't you? Yeah, and a lot easier to get to than that island. -My great-grandparents were Swiss. I still have the pictures they took of the statue from the boat when they arrived. Oh, right, you told me that. They came to America seeking other kinds of cheese, as I recall. How about you, Winston? -What's your story, Pete? Me? I'm a little of everything. Some Irish, some German, some French, Dutch -- the women in my family slept around. And that's what made this country great. -Ready? I'm ready. -I'm ready. Then let's do it. -That's it, Ray. I've had it. No more parties. I'm tired of taking abuse from over-privileged nine-year-olds. Come on, Winston. We can't quit now. The holidays are coming up. It's our best season. -Give it up, Ray. You're living in the past. Ghostbusters doesn't exist anymore. In a year these kids won't even remember who we are. Ungrateful little Yuppie larvae. After all we did for this city. -Ungrateful little Yuppie larvae. After all we did for this city. Yeah, what did we do, Ray? The last real job we had we bubbled up a hundred foot marshmallow man and blew the top three floors off an uptown highrise. -Yeah, what did we do, Ray? The last real job we had we bubbled up a hundred foot marshmallow man and blew the top three floors off an uptown highrise. Yeah, but what a ride. You can't make a hamburger without chopping up a cow. -Does it have any favorites? It likes all the sappy stuff: 'Cumbaya,' 'Everything is Beautiful,' 'It's a Small World' -- but it loves Jackie Wilson. -And he didn't die of old age either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disemboweled, drawn and quartered. I guess he wasn't too popular at the end there. -You got a flux and a half. "Now if you don't want to be the -- -- fifth person ever to die in meta-shock from a planar rift, I suggest you get down behind that desk and don't move until we give you the signal ""Stabilize -- All Clear.""" -Now that's one ugly dude. Huh? What? -Huh? What? You finished here? -You finished here? What? Yeah. -What? Yeah. Are you all right? You coming down with something? -Are you all right? You coming down with something? No, I'm fine. I just got light-headed for a second there. Let's go. -Are you telling me how to drive? No, I just thought -- -No, I just thought -- Well don't think! -Are you all right? Yeah, I guess so. It was the strangest thing. I knew what I was doing but I couldn't stop. This really terrible feeling came over me and -- I don't know -- I just felt like driving into that tree and ending it all. Whew! Sorry, boys. -Nice going, Ray! What were you trying to do -- drown me? Look, Zeddemore, it wasn't my fault you were too stupid to drop that line. -Look, Zeddemore, it wasn't my fault you were too stupid to drop that line. You better watch your mouth, man, or I'll punch your lights out. -You better watch your mouth, man, or I'll punch your lights out. Oh yeah? Anytime, anytime. Just go ahead and try it. -What are we doing? Ray, I was ready to kill you. Don't you see? It's the slime. That stuff is like pure, concentrated evil. -She's moving! I've lived in New York all my life and I never visited the Statue of Liberty. Now I finally get here and we're taking her out for a walk. -Ray -- Ray -- How do you feel, man? Groovy. I've never felt better in my life. -I don't care what you say. This could be a major Christmas gift item. Right, and the first time someone gets mad, their toaster will eat their hand. -Right, and the first time someone gets mad, their toaster will eat their hand. So we'll put a warning on the label. -Tell him about the toaster. I don't think he's ready for the toaster. -It better not start yet. I'm trying to finish my potholder before lunch. You think all those predictions about the world coming to an end in the 1990s are true? -And pure -- And decent. -Kind of makes you wonder, doesn't it? Wonder what? -Wonder what? If she's naked under that toga. She's French, you know. -How deep does it get? That water's cold and I can't swim. It's okay. I have my Senior Lifesaving card. -My people weren't taking any pictures from those slave ships, man. And there wasn't any Statue in Charleston Harbor to welcome them, either. What are you, Dana? Miss Blue Blood? Her family's been here since the year 12. -Aren't you glad we waited? I don't know. It probably would've been the same. -I don't know. It probably would've been the same. Well, thanks a lot. -Roy? Your clock broke. Nice going, honey. It was brand new. -Nice going, honey. It was brand new. I didn't break your precious clock, Roy! -Now where are you going? To the bathroom, where do you think? -To the bathroom, where do you think? Have I done the right thing? -Hey, sweetheart, will you CUT THAT OUT!!! Uuuuuuugh!! -Uuuuuuugh!! What's the matter, dear? -Is it a star? It is a star! That's great. You're very good. -Ready? What is it? Ummm -- figure eight? -Ummm -- figure eight? Incredible! Five for five. You're not cheating on me here, are you? -Incredible! Five for five. You're not cheating on me here, are you? No. They're just coming to me. -No. They're just coming to me. Well, you're doing great. Keep it up. -Well, I guess some people have it and some don't. Do you think I have it, Dr. Venkman? -Do you think I have it, Dr. Venkman? Definitely. I think you may be a very gifted telepath. -Okay. Just give me a second here. I have to leave now but if you've got some time I'd like you to come back this evening and do some more work with me. Eight o'clock? -Eight o'clock? "I was just going to say ""eight."" You're fantastic!" -Oh, Dana, it's you ... Hi, Louis. -Hi, Louis. ... I thought it was the drug store. -... I thought it was the drug store. Are you sick, Louis? -"Oh, no, I feel great. I just ordered some more vitamins. I see you were exercising. So was I. I taped ""20 Minute Workout"" and played it back at high speed so it only took ten minutes and I got a really good workout. You wanna have a mineral water with me?" No thanks, Louis. I'm really tired. I've been rehearsing all morning. -No thanks, Louis. I'm really tired. I've been rehearsing all morning. Okay. I'll take a raincheck. I always have plenty of mineral water and other nutritious health foods, but you know that. Listen, that reminds me, I'm having a party for all my clients. It's gonna be my fourth anniversary as an accountant. I know you fill out your own tax return, but I'd like you to come being that you're my next door neighbor and all ... -Okay. I'll take a raincheck. I always have plenty of mineral water and other nutritious health foods, but you know that. Listen, that reminds me, I'm having a party for all my clients. It's gonna be my fourth anniversary as an accountant. I know you fill out your own tax return, but I'd like you to come being that you're my next door neighbor and all ... Oh, that's nice, Louis. I'll stop by if I'm around. -Oh, that's nice, Louis. I'll stop by if I'm around. You know you shouldn't leave your TV on so loud when you go out. That creep down the hall phoned the manager. -You know you shouldn't leave your TV on so loud when you go out. That creep down the hall phoned the manager. I thought I turned it off. I guess I forgot. -Oh, Dana, it's you. Hi, Louis. -Hi, Louis. Hey, it's crazy in here. You're missing a classic party. -Hey, it's crazy in here. You're missing a classic party. Well, actually Louis I have a friend coming by. -Well, actually Louis I have a friend coming by. Great! Bring her, too. But you better hurry. I made nachos with non-fat cheese and they're almost gone. I'll make some more though. -Great! Bring her, too. But you better hurry. I made nachos with non-fat cheese and they're almost gone. I'll make some more though. Fine, Louis. We'll stop in for a drink. -Fine, Louis. We'll stop in for a drink. I got the Twister game for later ... -Are you the Gatekeeper? I am Zuul. -Oh, sure. I'm getting used to this. I'm innocent! Honest, Dana. I never touched you. Not that I remember anyway. -I'm innocent! Honest, Dana. I never touched you. Not that I remember anyway. All right, what happened to me? -Hello. I'm Peter Venkman. May I help you? Yes ... well ... I'm not sure. What I have to say may sound a little ... unusual. -Yes ... well ... I'm not sure. What I have to say may sound a little ... unusual. We're all professionals here, Miss ... -We're all professionals here, Miss ... Barrett. Dana Barrett. -... and then I opened the door again but it was gone. There was nothing there. So what do you think it was? -Why would anyone make up a thing like that? Some people like the attention. Some people are just crazy. -Is that your professional opinion? It's in the stars. -No, just that one word -- Zuul -- but I have no idea what it means. "Spengler, see if you can find the word ""Zuul"" in any of the literature. I'll take Miss Barrett home and check out her apartment." -Have you ever thought of moving out -- at least until this disturbance blows over? No. If I moved out now I'd be acknowledging that what happened was real. I'm not ready to do that. -You play the cello! It's my favorite instrument. Really? Do you have a favorite piece? -Really? Do you have a favorite piece? I'd have to say Prokofiev's third concerto. -I'd have to say Prokofiev's third concerto. That's a violin concerto. -That's a violin concerto. Yeah, but it's got a great cello break. -You really don't act like a scientist. No? What do I act like? -No? What do I act like? Like a used car salesman. -Like a used car salesman. Thanks. What's in there? -That's too bad. What? -What? Nothing. Is that the kitchen? -Uh-huh. Well, let's check it out. -Well, let's check it out. I'll wait here if you don't mind. -You're quite a housekeeper. I told you, I ... -I told you, I ... I know. It happened by itself. -Damn! Are you all right? -Are you all right? Yeah, yeah. -There's nothing there now and I don't get any significant readings. This is terrible. Either there's a monster in my kitchen or I'm completely crazy. -This is terrible. Either there's a monster in my kitchen or I'm completely crazy. If it's any comfort to you, I don't think you're crazy. -If it's any comfort to you, I don't think you're crazy. Thanks. Coming from you that really means a lot to me. -Thanks. Coming from you that really means a lot to me. I'm a qualified psychologist. I've got a degree and everything. I believe that something happened here and I want to do something about it. -I'm a qualified psychologist. I've got a degree and everything. I believe that something happened here and I want to do something about it. All right. What do you want to do? -All right. What do you want to do? I think I should spend the night here. -I think I should spend the night here. That's it. Get out. -That's it. Get out. On a purely scientific basis. -On a purely scientific basis. Out! -Out! I want to help you. -I want to help you. I'll scream. -I'll scream. Don't scream. -Don't scream. Then leave. -Then leave. Okay, okay. But if anything else happens, you have to promise you'll call me. -Okay, okay. But if anything else happens, you have to promise you'll call me. All right. -All right. Okay. Then I'll go. -Okay. Then I'll go. Goodbye. -Goodbye. No kiss? -Great rehearsal. You heard it? -You heard it? You're the best one in your row. -You're the best one in your row. Most people can't hear me with the whole orchestra playing. You're good. -Most people can't hear me with the whole orchestra playing. You're good. I don't have to take abuse from you. I have other people dying to give it to me. -I don't have to take abuse from you. I have other people dying to give it to me. I know. You're quite a celebrity these days. Are you here because you have info ... about my case? -I know. You're quite a celebrity these days. Are you here because you have info ... about my case? Who's the stiff? -Who's the stiff? "The ""stiff?"" He happens to be one of the finest musicians in the world and a wonderful man." -"The ""stiff?"" He happens to be one of the finest musicians in the world and a wonderful man." Is he dying or something? -He is a very close friend. Do you have some explanation of what happened in my apartment? Yes, but I have to tell you in private at a fine restaurant. -Yes, but I have to tell you in private at a fine restaurant. Can't you tell me now? -Can't you tell me now? "I'll cancel the reservation, I found the name ""Zuul"" in ... The Roylance Guide to Secret Societies and Sects. I don't suppose you've read it." -"I'll cancel the reservation, I found the name ""Zuul"" in ... The Roylance Guide to Secret Societies and Sects. I don't suppose you've read it." You must have gotten the last copy. -You must have gotten the last copy. Well, the name Zuul refers to a demi-god worshipped around 6000 B.C. by the ... What's that say? -Well, the name Zuul refers to a demi-god worshipped around 6000 B.C. by the ... What's that say? "Hittites, the Mesopotamians and the Sumerians. ""Zuul was the Minion of Gozer.""" -"Hittites, the Mesopotamians and the Sumerians. ""Zuul was the Minion of Gozer.""" """Gozer"" -- he was very big in the Sumerian religion. One of their gods." -"""Gozer"" -- he was very big in the Sumerian religion. One of their gods." What's he doing in my refrigerator. -What's he doing in my refrigerator. I'm checking on that. I think we should meet Thursday night at nine to talk about it. -I'm checking on that. I think we should meet Thursday night at nine to talk about it. I don't think so. I'm busy Thursday night. -I don't think so. I'm busy Thursday night. You think I enjoy giving up my evenings to spend time with clients? I'm making an exception because I respect you as an artist and as a dresser. -You think I enjoy giving up my evenings to spend time with clients? I'm making an exception because I respect you as an artist and as a dresser. All right. Since you put it that way. -All right. Since you put it that way. I'll pick you up at your place. I'll bring along the Roylance Guide -- we can read after we eat. -I'll pick you up at your place. I'll bring along the Roylance Guide -- we can read after we eat. I've got to go now. -Hey, Dana. What is it? What happened? I am Zuul. I am the Gatekeeper. -We must prepare for the coming of Gozer. Okay, I'll help you. Should we make some dip or something? -Okay, I'll help you. Should we make some dip or something? He is the Destructor. -He is the Destructor. Really? Can't wait to meet him. As long as we're waiting for him, I'd really like to try something with you -- in the bedroom. -Do you want this body? Well, I'll just use it for a while and get it right back to you. -Well, I'll just use it for a while and get it right back to you. Take me now. -Actually, it's more of a policy than a rule. I want you inside me. -I want you inside me. I don't know. You've got two people in there already. It could get a little crowded. I want you to close your eyes and relax. Now I'm going to speak to Dana and I want Dana to answer. -I don't know. You've got two people in there already. It could get a little crowded. I want you to close your eyes and relax. Now I'm going to speak to Dana and I want Dana to answer. I am Zuul. I am ... -I am Zuul. I am ... Right ... You're the Gatekeeper. But I want Dana. Dana, speak to me ... -Right ... You're the Gatekeeper. But I want Dana. Dana, speak to me ... There is no Dana. I am Zuul. -There is no Dana. I am Zuul. Whoa!! Nice voice. -Nothing! We just got rid of that thing in your kitchen. Really! Is it gone? -Really! Is it gone? Yeah, along with most of your furniture and a lot of your personal possessions. This one took some work. -Yeah, along with most of your furniture and a lot of your personal possessions. This one took some work. Thank you. Next time I want to break a lease I'll know who to call. -This is going to cost you, you know. Our fees are ridiculously high. Talk to my accountant. -I trust you're moving us to a better space somewhere on campus. No, we're moving you OFF CAMPUS. The Board of Regents has decided to terminate your grant. You are to vacate these premises immediately. -No, we're moving you OFF CAMPUS. The Board of Regents has decided to terminate your grant. You are to vacate these premises immediately. This is preposterous! I demand an explanation. -This is preposterous! I demand an explanation. Fine. This University will no longer continue any funding of any kind for your group's activities. -Fine. This University will no longer continue any funding of any kind for your group's activities. But why? The students love us! -But why? The students love us! "Dr. Venkman, we believe that the purpose of science is to serve mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of ""dodge"" or ""hustle."" Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy and your conclusions are highly questionable. You're a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman, and you have no place in this department or in this University." -"Dr. Venkman, we believe that the purpose of science is to serve mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of ""dodge"" or ""hustle."" Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy and your conclusions are highly questionable. You're a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman, and you have no place in this department or in this University." I see. -That is one speedy mutt. He's a big one. You don't want to mess with that particular breed. -He's a big one. You don't want to mess with that particular breed. Definitely some sort of fighting Spaniel, I think. -Well, that definitely looks like marshmallow to me. Yeah, it's some kind of mallow-type substance - that's for sure. -Yeah, it's some kind of mallow-type substance - that's for sure. You have to wonder why anybody would dump a marshmallow that size right in the middle of the street. -You have to wonder why anybody would dump a marshmallow that size right in the middle of the street. I wonder if there might not be a very large cup of hot chocolate somewhere in the area. -I wonder if there might not be a very large cup of hot chocolate somewhere in the area. That would definitely explain it. -Hello, I'm Roger Delacorte - the Head Librarian. Are you the men from the University? Yes. I'm Dr. Venkman and this is Dr. Stantz. -Yes. I'm Dr. Venkman and this is Dr. Stantz. Thank you for coming. I'd appreciate it if we could take care of this quickly and quietly. -Thank you for coming. I'd appreciate it if we could take care of this quickly and quietly. One thing at a time. We don't even know what it is yet. -What's that got to do with it? Back off, man! I'm a scientist! -Did you see it? What was it? We'll get back to you. -You're very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot, too. Print is dead. -Print is dead. That's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual. But I think reading is a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play racketball. Do you ever play? -That's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual. But I think reading is a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play racketball. Do you ever play? Is that a game? -Is that a game? It's a great game! You should play sometime. I bet you'd be good. You seem very athletic. Do you have any hobbies? -It's a great game! You should play sometime. I bet you'd be good. You seem very athletic. Do you have any hobbies? I collect spores, molds and fungus. -I collect spores, molds and fungus. Oh, that's very - unusual. -Oh, that's very - unusual. I think it's the food of the future. -I think it's the food of the future. Remind me not to go to lunch with you. -Egon, there's something very strange about that man. I'm very psychic usually and right now I have this terrible feeling that something awful is going to happen to you. I'm afraid you're going to die. Die in what sense? -Die in what sense? In the physical sense. -In the physical sense. I don't care. I see us as tiny parts of a vast organism, like two bacteria living on a rotting speck of dust floating in an infinite void. -I don't care. I see us as tiny parts of a vast organism, like two bacteria living on a rotting speck of dust floating in an infinite void. That's so romantic. -I want you to have this. What is it? -What is it? It's a souvenir from the 1964 World's Fair at Flushing Meadow. It's my lucky coin. -It's a souvenir from the 1964 World's Fair at Flushing Meadow. It's my lucky coin. I don't believe in luck. -I don't believe in luck. Keep it anyway. I have another one at home. -Keep it anyway. I have another one at home. Thank you. -Why don't you step into the office and we'll talk about it. Hold all my calls, Janine. What calls? -Here's the paper on the Brooklyn job. She paid with a Visa card. Here are tonight's calls. -And someone from the EPA is here to see you. The EPA? What's he want? -The EPA? What's he want? I didn't ask him. All I know is that I haven't had a break in two weeks and you promised you'd hire more help. -I didn't ask him. All I know is that I haven't had a break in two weeks and you promised you'd hire more help. Janine, I'm sure a woman with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top flight job in the housekeeping or food service industry. -Janine, I'm sure a woman with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top flight job in the housekeeping or food service industry. Oh, really? Well, I've quit better jobs than this one, believe me. -Thank you for coming so quickly. The guests are starting to ask questions and I'm running out of excuses. Has this ever happened before? -Has this ever happened before? Well, most of the original staff knows about the twelfth floor ... The disturbances, I mean ... But it's been quiet for years ... Up until two weeks ago ... It was never ever this bad, though. -Well, most of the original staff knows about the twelfth floor ... The disturbances, I mean ... But it's been quiet for years ... Up until two weeks ago ... It was never ever this bad, though. Did you ever report it to anyone? -Did you ever report it to anyone? Heavens, no! The owners don't like us to even talk about it. I hoped we could take care of this quietly tonight. -Heavens, no! The owners don't like us to even talk about it. I hoped we could take care of this quietly tonight. Yes, sir. Don't worry. We handle this kind of thing all the time. -Can I help you? I'm Walter Peck. I represent the Environmental Protection Agency, Third District. -I'm Walter Peck. I represent the Environmental Protection Agency, Third District. Great! How's it going? -Great! How's it going? Are you Peter Venkman? -Are you Peter Venkman? Yes, I'm Doctor Venkman. -Exactly what are you a doctor of, Mr. Venkman? I have Ph.D's in psychology and parapsychology. -I have Ph.D's in psychology and parapsychology. I see. And now you catch ghosts? -I see. And now you catch ghosts? You could say that. -You could say that. And how many ghosts have you caught, Mr. Venkman? -And how many ghosts have you caught, Mr. Venkman? I'm not at liberty to say. -I'm not at liberty to say. And where do you put these ghosts once you catch them? -And where do you put these ghosts once you catch them? In a storage facility. -In a storage facility. And would this storage facility be located on these premises? -And would this storage facility be located on these premises? Yes, it would. -Yes, it would. And may I see this storage facility? -And may I see this storage facility? No, you may not. -No, you may not. And why not, Mr. Venkman? -And why not, Mr. Venkman? Because you didn't say the magic word. -Because you didn't say the magic word. And what is the magic word, Mr. Venkman? -And what is the magic word, Mr. Venkman? "The magic word is ""please.""" -May I please see the storage facility? Why do you want to see it? -Why do you want to see it? Well, because I'm curious. I want to know more about what you do here. Frankly, there have been a lot of wild stories in the media and we want to assess any possible environmental impact from your operation. For instance, the storage of noxious, possibly hazardous waste materials in your basement. Now either you show me what's down there or I come back with a court order. -Well, because I'm curious. I want to know more about what you do here. Frankly, there have been a lot of wild stories in the media and we want to assess any possible environmental impact from your operation. For instance, the storage of noxious, possibly hazardous waste materials in your basement. Now either you show me what's down there or I come back with a court order. Go ahead! Get a court order. Then I'm gonna sue your ass off for wrongful prosecution. -Go ahead! Get a court order. Then I'm gonna sue your ass off for wrongful prosecution. Have it your way, Mr. Venkman. -Have it your way, Mr. Venkman. Hey! Make yourself useful! Go save a tree! -At ease, Officers. I'm Peter Venkman. I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding here and I want to cooperate in every way I can. Forget it, Venkman. You had your chance to cooperate but you thought it was more fun to insult me. Now it's my turn, smart-ass. -You turned off the power! Look, there was another man here ... You have to find him and bring him back. A short determined-looking guy with the eyes of a happy zombie. See! They are using drugs. -The man is a psychopath, Your Honor. Probably a mixture of gases, no doubt stolen from the Army ... -Mr. Mayor, it's a pretty simple choice. You can believe Mr. Pecker here ... "That's ""Peck!""" -"That's ""Peck!""" ... or you can accept the fact that this city is heading for a disaster of really Biblical proportions. -All right. What is it? A square? -A square? Good guess -- but no. -Circle? Close -- but definitely wrong. -Nervous? Yes. I don't like this. -Yes. I don't like this. Well, just 75 more to go. What's this one? -Well, just 75 more to go. What's this one? Two wavy lines? -Two wavy lines? Sorry. This isn't your day. -Hey! I'm getting a little tired of this. You volunteered, didn't you? Aren't we paying you for this? -You volunteered, didn't you? Aren't we paying you for this? Yeah, but I didn't know you were going to give me electric shocks. What are you trying to prove? -Yeah, but I didn't know you were going to give me electric shocks. What are you trying to prove? I'm studying the effect of negative reinforcement on ESP ability. -I'm studying the effect of negative reinforcement on ESP ability. I'll tell you the effect! It pisses me off! -I'll tell you the effect! It pisses me off! Then my theory was correct. -Hey, Mister! Can I see those guns? They're not guns. They're particle throwers. -They're not guns. They're particle throwers. Yeah, yeah. I just want to see 'em. -Yeah, yeah. I just want to see 'em. I couldn't do that. You might hurt someone. -Wait! Wait! Let me ask you something. If you like shot Superman with those guns, would he feel it or what? On Earth -- no. But on Krypton we could slice him up like Oscar Mayer Bologna. -On Earth -- no. But on Krypton we could slice him up like Oscar Mayer Bologna. Wow! -Yes? Were you recently in the bathroom? -Were you recently in the bathroom? What on earth gave you that idea? -What on earth gave you that idea? The wet towels, residual moisture on your lower limbs and hair, the redness in your cheeks indicating ... -The wet towels, residual moisture on your lower limbs and hair, the redness in your cheeks indicating ... You're a regular Sherlock Holmes. Now what do you want? -You're a regular Sherlock Holmes. Now what do you want? When you were in the bathroom, did you notice anything that was yellow and unusually smelly? -Oh! You're here. What have you got, Egon? -What have you got, Egon? Oh, this is big, Peter. This is very big. There's definitely something here. -Oh, this is big, Peter. This is very big. There's definitely something here. Egon, somehow this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole in your head. Do you remember that? -Spengler, are you serious about actually catching a ghost? I'm always serious. -I'm always serious. Wow! -Just for your information, Ray, the interest payments alone for the first five years come to over $75,000. Will you guys relax? We are on the threshold of establishing the indispensable defense science of the next decade - Professional Paranormal Investigations and Eliminations. The franchise rights alone will make us wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. -Generally, you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance. What do you think, Egon? She's telling the truth -- or at least she thinks she is. -Did you see anything? Didn't see anything, Didn't get anything. Nice girl - no ghost. I'm starting to worry. You said your graph was pointing to something big. You told me things were going to start popping. -Something was definitely here. Yeah, I can smell it. -Wait! Wait! There's something I forgot to tell you. What? -What? Don't cross the beams. -Don't cross the beams. Why not? -Why not? Trust me. It will be bad. -Trust me. It will be bad. "What do you mean ""bad?""" -"What do you mean ""bad?""" It's hard to explain, but try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and finding yourself confined forever in another dimension. -It's Peter, Egon. I've got a problem. What is it? -What is it? I'm with Dana Barrett and she's floating three feet off the bed. -I'm with Dana Barrett and she's floating three feet off the bed. Does she want to be? -Does she want to be? I don't think so. It's more of that Gozer thing. She says she's the Gatekeeper. Does that make any sense to you? -I don't think so. It's more of that Gozer thing. She says she's the Gatekeeper. Does that make any sense to you? Some. I just met the Keymaster. He's here with me now. Venkman? Are you there? -Some. I just met the Keymaster. He's here with me now. Venkman? Are you there? Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking. It probably wouldn't be a good idea for them to get together at this point. -Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking. It probably wouldn't be a good idea for them to get together at this point. I agree. -I agree. You have to keep him there. Do whatever you have to, but don't let him leave, He could be very dangerous. -All right. I'll try. I'll spend the night here and get back first thing in the morning. -I'll spend the night here and get back first thing in the morning. All right, Peter. Good night. -He wants to shut down the storage grid. If you turn that thing off we won't be responsible for the consequences. -Where's the Keymaster? Oh, shit! -Of course! Ivo Shandor, I saw his name in Tobin's SPIRIT GUIDE. He started a secret society in 1920. Let me guess -- Gozer Worshippers. -Let me guess -- Gozer Worshippers. Yes. After the First World War Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive. And he wasn't alone. He had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals, bizarre rituals, intended to bring about the end of the world. -Yes. After the First World War Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive. And he wasn't alone. He had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals, bizarre rituals, intended to bring about the end of the world. "She said he was ""the Destructor.""" -"She said he was ""the Destructor.""" Who? -Who? Gozer. -Gozer. You talked to Gozer? -You talked to Gozer? Get a grip on yourself, Egon. I talked to Dana Barrett and she referred to Gozer as the Destructor. -What now? Full-stream with strogon pulse. -On the count of three! One ... Two ... No! Them! Shoot them! Cross the beams. -No! You said crossing the beams would be BAD. It'll kill her! And us! Life is just a state of mind. -Life is just a state of mind. But it's my favorite state. -You know, Peter, this could be a past life experience intruding on the present. Or even a race memory, stored in the collective unconscious. And I wouldn't rule out clairvoyance or telepathic contact either. -I just realized something. We've never had a completely successful test with any of the equipment. I blame myself. -Sorry, Buddy! We'd better adjust our streams. -Ray! Where are you? Are you all right? God, it's ugly! -It's working! Easy ... Easy ... I'm going to throw in my trap now. -Set entry grid. Neutronize. System shut. -I've got to sleep. I need two new purge valves. How's the grid around the storage facility holding up? -I need two new purge valves. How's the grid around the storage facility holding up? I'm worried, Ray. It's getting crowded in there. And all my recent data points to something big on the bottom. -What happened??!!!? The storage facility blew. This one ... ... shut off the protection grid. -Look at the structure of the roof cap. It looks exactly like the kind of telemetry tracker NASA uses to identify dead pulsars in other galaxies. And look at this, Peter Cold-riveted girders with selenium cores. -You mean if I stand here and concentrate on the image of Roberto Clemente, Gozer will appear as Roberto Clemente and wipe us out? That appears to be the case. -Excuse me for a minute. Ray, I'm right in the middle of something here. Can you come back in about an hour? Peter, at 1:40 this afternoon at the main branch of the New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue, ten people witnessed a free-roaming, vaporous, full-torso apparition. It blew books from shelves at twenty feet away. Scared the socks off some poor librarian. -Peter, at 1:40 this afternoon at the main branch of the New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue, ten people witnessed a free-roaming, vaporous, full-torso apparition. It blew books from shelves at twenty feet away. Scared the socks off some poor librarian. Sure. That's great, Ray. I think you should get down there right away and check it out. Let me know what happens. -Sure. That's great, Ray. I think you should get down there right away and check it out. Let me know what happens. No, this one's for real, Peter. Spengler went down there and took some PKE readings. Right off the top of the scale. Buried the needle. We're close this time. I can feel it. -Spengler and I have charted every psychic occurrence in the Tri-State area for the past two years. The graph we came up with definitely points to something big. Ray, as your friend I have to tell you I think you've really gone around the bend on this ghost stuff. You've been running your ass off for two years checking out every schizo in the Five Boroughs who thinks he's had an experience. And what have you seen? -Ray, as your friend I have to tell you I think you've really gone around the bend on this ghost stuff. You've been running your ass off for two years checking out every schizo in the Five Boroughs who thinks he's had an experience. And what have you seen? "What do you mean by ""seen?""" -"What do you mean by ""seen?""" Looked at with your eyes. -Looked at with your eyes. Well, I was at an unexplained multiple high-altitude rockfall once. -Well, I was at an unexplained multiple high-altitude rockfall once. Uh-huh. I've heard about the rockfall, Ray. I think you've been spending too much time with Spengler. -What is it? It looks like a big pair of breasts and a pot belly. -I told you it's real. What do we do now? -What do we do now? I don't know. Talk to it. -I don't know. Talk to it. What do I say? -What do I say? Anything! Just make contact. -Anything! Just make contact. Hey, Lady? Lady! Can you talk? Who are you? This is not working. Think of something else. -Hey, Lady? Lady! Can you talk? Who are you? This is not working. Think of something else. Okay. Okay. I got it. I know what to do. Stay close. I have a plan. -"""Get her?"" That was your whole plan? You call that science?" I guess I got a little overexcited. Wasn't it incredible! I'm telling you, this is a first. You know what this could mean to the University? -I guess I got a little overexcited. Wasn't it incredible! I'm telling you, this is a first. You know what this could mean to the University? Oh, yeah. This could be bigger than the microchip. They'll probably throw out the entire engineering department and turn their building over to us. We're probably the first serious scientists to ever molest a dead old lady. -If you guys are right, if we can actually trap a ghost and hold it somehow, I think I could win the Nobel Prize. If anyone deserves it, it's Spengler and me. We're doing all the hard research and designing the equipment. -If anyone deserves it, it's Spengler and me. We're doing all the hard research and designing the equipment. Yeah, but I introduced you guys. You never would've met if not for me. That's got to be worth something. -You said you floored 'em at the Regents' meeting. Ray, I apologize. I guess my confidence in the Regents was misplaced. They did this to Galileo, too. -This is like a major disgrace. Forget M.I.T. or Stanford now ... they wouldn't touch us with a three-meter cattle prod. You're always so worried about your reputation. We don't need the University. Einstein did his best stuff while he was working as a patent clerk.'They can't stop progress. -You're always so worried about your reputation. We don't need the University. Einstein did his best stuff while he was working as a patent clerk.'They can't stop progress. Do you know what a patent clerk makes? I liked the University. They gave us money, they gave us the facilities and we didn't have to produce anything! I've worked in the private sector. They expect results. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there. -Do you know what a patent clerk makes? I liked the University. They gave us money, they gave us the facilities and we didn't have to produce anything! I've worked in the private sector. They expect results. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there. Let me tell you, Ray, everything in life happens for a reason. Call it fate, call it luck, Karma, whatever. I think we were destined to get kicked out of there. -Let me tell you, Ray, everything in life happens for a reason. Call it fate, call it luck, Karma, whatever. I think we were destined to get kicked out of there. For what purpose? -For what purpose? To go into business for ourselves. -You'll never regret this, Ray. My parents left me that house, I was born there. -My parents left me that house, I was born there. You're not going to lose the house. Everybody has three mortgages these days. -You're not going to lose the house. Everybody has three mortgages these days. But at nineteen percent interest! You didn't even bargain with the guy. -But most people are afraid to even report these things. Maybe. But no one ever advertised before. -Wow! Does this pole still work? "This might do ... I don't know ... it just seems kind of ""pricey"" for a fixer-upper, don't you think? We're trying to keep our costs down. You know how it is when you're starting a new company." -Everybody can relax. I found the car. How do you like it? Do you think it's wide enough? How much? -Do you think it's wide enough? How much? Fourteen hundred. -Why don't I check out the building? It may have a history of psychic turbulence. Good idea. Were any other words spoken that you remember? -How was your date? It wasn't a date. It was an investigation. -They will. Do you know when that might be? We're on the brink of a very serious cash-flow problem. -So do I. No sense worrying about it now. -No sense worrying about it now. Sure. Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on our back. No problem. -I'm getting high readings near the air vents. It must be using the duct system to get around. See, I told you we'd get something. So far all we got is a shit smell on the twelfth floor and we almost fried a Puerto Rican bellboy. -So far all we got is a shit smell on the twelfth floor and we almost fried a Puerto Rican bellboy. All right. Let's cool the negative vibes. These things can sense them. -Ray -- Something's here. Where are you, Pete? -Where are you, Pete? Third floor. Get down here, -Third floor. Get down here, Sit tight. I'm on my way. -Sit tight. I'm on my way. Well, hurry up. The needle's going wild. -It's here, Ray. It's looking at me. Don't move. It won't hurt you. -Don't move. It won't hurt you. How do you know? -How do you know? I don't know. I'm just guessing. -Boy, that was a rough one. I can't take much more of this. The pace is killing me. -Egon, how's the grid around the storage facility holding up? It's not good, Pete. -I guess they don't build them like they used to, huh? No! Nobody ever built them like this! The architect was either an authentic whacko or a certified genius. The whole building is like a huge antenna for pulling in and concentrating psychokinetic energy. -No! Nobody ever built them like this! The architect was either an authentic whacko or a certified genius. The whole building is like a huge antenna for pulling in and concentrating psychokinetic energy. Who was the architect? -Who was the architect? He's listed on the blueprints as I. Shandor. -It doesn't seem to have slowed him down any. I don't think it's Shandor. -As a duly-constituted representative of the City of New York, and on behalf of the County and State of New York, the United States of America, the Planet Earth and all its inhabitants, I hereby order you to cease and desist any and all supernatural activity and return at once to your place of origin or next parallel dimension. Well, that ought to do it. -Agile bastard, isn't he? Forget the trapping! Just blast him! -I couldn't help it! It just popped in there! What? What popped in there? -What? What popped in there? Look! -AND YOU CAME UP WITH THAT? The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man! He was on all the packages we used to buy when I was a kid. We used to roast Stay-Puft marshmallows at Camp Waconda! -The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man! He was on all the packages we used to buy when I was a kid. We used to roast Stay-Puft marshmallows at Camp Waconda! Great! The marshmallows are about to get their revenge. -Very impressive resume. Electronic countermeasures, Strategic Air Command ... Black belt in Karate ... Small arms expert ... Mr. Zeddemore, as you may have heard, we locate ghosts and spirits, trap them with streams of concentrated quantum energy and remove them from people's homes, offices and places of worship. Yeah, I heard that. Now tell me what you really do. -Hey man. What is it you're so involved with there? Uh ... Oh these are blueprints of the structural ironwork in Dana Barrett's apartment building ... And they're most unusual. -Uh ... Oh these are blueprints of the structural ironwork in Dana Barrett's apartment building ... And they're most unusual. Are you a Christian, Ray? -Are you a Christian, Ray? Mmmhmmm. -Mmmhmmm. Me, too. -Me, too. Boy! Solid cores of shielded Selenium .325. -Boy! Solid cores of shielded Selenium .325. Do you believe in God? -Do you believe in God? No. But I liked Jesus' style. -No. But I liked Jesus' style. Me, too. Parts of the Bible are great. -Me, too. Parts of the Bible are great. The whole roof cap was fabricated with a magnesium-tungsten alloy. -The whole roof cap was fabricated with a magnesium-tungsten alloy. Ray, do you remember something in the Bible about a day when the dead would rise up from their graves? -Ray, do you remember something in the Bible about a day when the dead would rise up from their graves? And the seas would boil ... -And the seas would boil ... Right. And the sky would fall ... -Right. And the sky would fall ... Judgement Day ... -Judgement Day ... Yeah, Judgement Day. -Yeah, Judgement Day. Every ancient religion had its own myth about the end of the world. -Every ancient religion had its own myth about the end of the world. Well, has it ever occurred to you that the reason you've been so busy lately is because the dead have been rising from their graves? -You don't have to worry about that with us, sir. Right. We'll believe anything. -Stantz? You okay in there? LATER, MAN!! -What's he talking about? Choose what? "What do you mean ""choose?"" We don't understand." -Where are we now, Commodus? Can you see the camp? My Gods! The air is turning into ice! We're nearly there, Lucilla. -We're nearly there, Lucilla. That's what you told me two days ago! -That's what you told me two days ago! Will you please get back in your wagon? And stay there? -Will you please get back in your wagon? And stay there? I'm tired of being stuck in that wagon. -More wine, sister? Surely you can drink more than that. I was suddenly thinking about going to bed. -I was suddenly thinking about going to bed. Oh, stay... Don't you want to join the chorus of praises for Narcissus' glory? Just remember, he is a married man. -Quite so. Narcissus and his courageous men; may they live long to serve Rome... And Caesar! Let's not forget to serve Caesar! -Don't you think you should at least wave? Why? Then they'll notice when I'm gone. Well. I'm making a public appearance aren't I? -They hate me, they really hate me don't they? Maybe you should get married. Pick one of your cousins, it would demonstrate a profound stability. -I should at least have you, don't you think? If you get me pregnant with a boy he'll be a double direct heir and will end up killing you for the throne. -Did Narcissus die today? Wasn't this his day to die? I'm sure, I don't know. -No one in Rome has ever heard of him. Do you want to remind those few in the Senate who have? The whole sordid thing is far beneath your position to begin with. Forget about him. Let some time pass... then ask, quietly, without anyone knowing it comes from me. -Those are priceless sculptures. I want every single thing that belonged to my father out of this house! If it's worth something then sell it! -It's disgusting! Animals! I had to come here under armed guard. Slaves -- get this junk out of my sight. Commodus is heaving out every thing that belonged to our father. Except that he can't heave out his ghost. -How about in the forum. Right in front of the Senate. If I may be so bold... -If I may be so bold... For the gods, spit it out! -For the gods, spit it out! Why not do it in the Colosseum? -Kill him! Tribuus -- execute that bastard. You can't do that! You came here to turn the crowd around not make them hate you. -Tribuus... tomorrow. You're coming back? -You're coming back? I have to come back. If I don't come back the people will think I'm a coward. Tribuus, tomorrow he dies -- I want his blood on the sand. Do you understand? -Where have you been? Taking my pleasure. Do I need to clear my lovers with you? -Taking my pleasure. Do I need to clear my lovers with you? You must start clearing everything with me -- especially your lovers. -You must start clearing everything with me -- especially your lovers. Why are you so surly -- you've won, brother. The people have bread and the city is quiet. -Why are you so surly -- you've won, brother. The people have bread and the city is quiet. What is that... wailing? -What is that... wailing? The fans of Narcissus. They were on vigil outside the school of Proximo. They believe he's dying. -Now that is a happy sound! Tomorrow, I want the citizens -- my people -- back in the arena. The Gods know, I'm tired. Come to bed, now; tonight we're celebrating. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Now that we're done with that infatuation forever. -Now that we're done with that infatuation forever. If I ever loved Narcissus it wasn't like you want. -If I ever loved Narcissus it wasn't like you want. But I get what I want, always, don't I? -"""... encased in the armor of a demigod, Narcissus The Good continues his impossible climb in the arena where he was unjustly cast...""" Yes? Go on! -Yes? Go on! """... by the emperor of Rome. This writer asks: between a Senate that debates truth until they choke, an Emperor who has the birth sign of a woman, is it possible there is more virtue within the arena than without?""" -Tell Lykas to send a retiarius and a Samnite to help Tiger. You can't do that... listen to the mood of the crowd. -You can't do that... listen to the mood of the crowd. I want that bastard dead! -I want that bastard dead! You want control of the crowd -- you can't get it by killing their hero. -You want control of the crowd -- you can't get it by killing their hero. I am their hero! -I am their hero! Not yet, dear brother... -Not yet, dear brother... Send them out! -Lykas, pick a man. Someone who will look good. Jerses I want it built up in the Daily Action... Do you want posters, too? -Damn him! I should have killed him on the front -- I let you talk me out of that. You would have had a full scale revolt on your hands. -You would have had a full scale revolt on your hands. What have I got now? It's exactly as if there were two emperors. Because of this the people have two minds. He is their champion. -Welcome back from your great triumph Narcissus Meridas. My father sends his heart felt praise. Sadly, Marcus is in dark humors -- nothing to worry about, but he needs rest. Likely just the weather. Respectfully Caesar, Quintus and I must report. -Respectfully Caesar, Quintus and I must report. Of course, but not now. However, if he continues to be unwell, you may report to me. -Do you expect Marcus to be well enough by morning for an audience? That's difficult to say, general. -That's difficult to say, general. Perhaps, Master Galen, you may say. -Then you'd be out of a job. Gladly Caesar. -Gladly Caesar. Or perhaps into a new one. But here's to your God and the courage of our legions... -I back Rome against all her enemies -- if that answer disappoints you, I'm not a politician... Oh, but with the army behind you, you could become extremely political. Not a Republican by any chance? -I would say there's nothing more dangerous than a man who knows what 'right' is. The dangerous man, Caesar, is the man who doesn't care. -But they're not destroyed, not yet. Do we really need to repair this fort? It seems like an expensive undertaking. I propose we burn it to the ground. That way if the Germans cross the Danube here there will be nothing to help them build an offensive position. -You and my father have become very close. Perhaps one day I may say the same for us. You flatter me, Caesar. -You flatter me, Caesar. Being as close, I'm certain you've noticed what we all have noticed. -Being as close, I'm certain you've noticed what we all have noticed. Caesar? -Caesar? That this illness has clouded his mind. -I'm ordering a general stand-down in preparation for withdrawal back across the Danube. We have to stop the Germans now! -Forgive me, Caesar, but do two Senator represent the mood of the whole Senate or the will of the Roman people? Besides, every truce we make with the Germans they break! They won't break this one. -They won't break this one. Apparently my opinion wasn't needed. -Where is my family? Cooperate and they will be returned to your estate. I could have executed you. -Cooperate and they will be returned to your estate. I could have executed you. And my army would have thrown your body into the Danube. -The army is a problem. They love you. You have led them from victory to victory in the name of Rome and they love you. And after all, you're just a hothead acting from a misguided sense of loyalty -- who could fault you for that? Thus have I reached a compromise with the Senate over your fate: instead of executing you, I'm sending you to Rome where you will be tried... On what charge? -Endorse me in public. Do that and I'll make you rich and set you free. I'll return your estates. I know you would give anything to be outside again. Endorse me and you will be free. Think of it. What would you do with your freedom? If you set me free I will find my way back to the army, march on Rome and depose you. Then, the army and I will restore the Republic so that animals like you will never control human destinies again. -Insubordination. To the Emperor... and the Senate. Quintus will tell the army that you are being called to Rome to celebrate your victory. They will hear that you are living in luxury. He will let them feel you have betrayed them for the good life. And soon the army won't even remember your name. -The Senate is out to sink you. I swear it, Caesar, your generosity is being repaid with public attacks on your honor. Your enemies want you weak enough so by the first of Janus when you must be confirmed the Senate will be able to deny you. How can they? Who else is there? I have no heir... -Caesar, ignore them. Ignore that?! The sooner we leave this disgusting place the better. -Ignore that?! The sooner we leave this disgusting place the better. At least stay for the running of the animals. You are paying for it you know... -Gods of hell! This must cost a fortune! How many days is this going to go on? Until your confirmation date. -"And like children everywhere they scream ""freedom"" the most when they desire it least. I beg you, please continue, Caesar." At the opening of the month of Janus, I will ask this noble body to confirm my emperorship... -Throw it down into the streets! Down into the Forum. If it's my father they want then give him to them! Yes. You know, that's not a bad idea. -Yes. You know, that's not a bad idea. Maybe it'll crush Gaius. -Maybe it'll crush Gaius. I'm serious. -I'm serious. So am I. -So am I. We can crush Gaius another way. What if you do throw something to the people they really want? Make them a gift of food. -We can crush Gaius another way. What if you do throw something to the people they really want? Make them a gift of food. Give away food? -Give away food? Sacks of grain, even bread. I own the grain licenses for the military, I can arrange to divert a shipment bound for the army of the Danube. -Sacks of grain, even bread. I own the grain licenses for the military, I can arrange to divert a shipment bound for the army of the Danube. Take grain away from the army? -Take grain away from the army? Make a gift to the people. It's your money anyway so it's only fair. -Caesar, let me sponsor your first wager in the arena. I wouldn't know who to bet on. -Gladly, Caesar. And, if you'd like we can take you for a tour of the front at first light. I'm certain father will be in better humors by then. Now, honor us with your presence at dinner. I'll join you as soon as I see my father's physician. -Marcus Aurelius has died. He left us at dawn. -We must obey our emperor and the Senate. I met with Falco, and the Senators have agreed to call for a truce with the Germans. -This is the only place in Rome where I thought -- I believed -- I was wholly in power. Narcissus will never support you, Caesar, he has too much of a philosophical temperament. -It's because he comes off as the underdog. Underdog! How can he be an underdog -- he wins all the time! I'm the emperor why can't I kill him? He could be poisoned, or somehow killed to look like an accident. -Underdog! How can he be an underdog -- he wins all the time! I'm the emperor why can't I kill him? He could be poisoned, or somehow killed to look like an accident. You don't want to kill him. If anything happens to him now you will be blamed... and he knows it. Besides, that gladiator school is a fortress. It would take the army to break in there. What you want is to... offer him the wooden sword. If he takes it, he's no longer the champion of the people, is he? He's gone. And you are a hero for awarding it. -Where is my father? Where is the emperor and the army, soldier? -Tribuus, what happened in the arena? Was Narcissus killed? He must have been. He was on the list of prisoners to be executed. -Why isn't he dead? Damn you, you promised me he would be dead! Caesar, I did my best. The Colosseum isn't under my control... -Yes, Caesar? Jerses -- tomorrow... -Tribuus! Go left here, I want to see my new statue at Via Claudia. Yes, Caesar. -Yes, Caesar. We need more statues -- perhaps I should open medical clinics. For the poor. Citizens only, though... -You won an impossible fight. You got the attention of the crowd, legate... This is Cos, this precocious young man. A scribe for the Daily Action. I've invited him to write a small piece about you... -This is Cos, this precocious young man. A scribe for the Daily Action. I've invited him to write a small piece about you... I'm mentioning you in tomorrow's athlete's section, legate. So, I'd love to know your birth sign; it effects how people bet. And perhaps you could tell me a bit about... well, who are you? -"""Caesar Commodus discovering his lineage converges with the Demigod, Hercules, has determined to display his magnificence before his beloved citizens."" The Emperor's going to fight in the arena. I'm supposed to write this for tomorrow's edition." Commodus... he's a gladiator... is he mad? -Cos, what in hades is the emperor up to? And don't tell me you don't know! I don't know... -I don't know... AGH! Please! He's having a secret device constructed for the circus. The brass craftsmen are working overtime. -AGH! Please! He's having a secret device constructed for the circus. The brass craftsmen are working overtime. I'll nose around... -I'll nose around... You know there were riots last night. Now the unrest has started again and Commodus has sent for an army division. You understand what you are doing... -So tell me, what happened between you and the emperor? What really happened on the German front? You know the Senate's arguing your case... That's their job, isn't it? To argue. So, I think my case will be long on talk and short on action. -That's their job, isn't it? To argue. So, I think my case will be long on talk and short on action. I am prepared to write anything you tell me. -My birth sign is Water Bearer, twenty-fifth day in the month of Janus. The exact month when the Emperor must be confirmed! -The Emperor and I are bound by the threads of The Fates. He was born on August thirty-first, you know. That makes his birth sign... Virgo! Why that's the sign of a little girl! Can you tell my readers more about your star-crossed connection with Emperor Commodus? -That makes his birth sign... Virgo! Why that's the sign of a little girl! Can you tell my readers more about your star-crossed connection with Emperor Commodus? Proximo, we need to talk about my one third... I imagine the betting booths will be doing good business. And, what was the name of that olive oil company? -It's time for you to tell the Citizens that Commodus stole the money allocated for defending the German border. It's time to tell the citizens everything. Will you write it? Yes, because I know they'll read it. -The battle was won, today, and I prefer to believe it was a gift of Janus, the eldest God of Rome. God of my ancestors. God of passages and changes? -God of passages and changes? I believe we are arriving in an enlightened age; an age of peace that will bring Rome her greatest glory. Thanks to Marcus Aurelius. -I believe we are arriving in an enlightened age; an age of peace that will bring Rome her greatest glory. Thanks to Marcus Aurelius. You know, general, there is a Gate of Janus in Rome which is only closed in time of peace. Sadly, it has remained open for three hundred years. -You know, general, there is a Gate of Janus in Rome which is only closed in time of peace. Sadly, it has remained open for three hundred years. I've read of it. -I've read of it. But have never been? -But have never been? My only visits to Rome, Senator, have been through books. But the war's over, time to close the door of war once and for all. -I would venture, with all respect: the Emperor's health is the business of every soul in the empire. Yes! The days of Imperial Prerogative and disdain for the Senate are over -- thanks to your father! Now report to the Senate, Master Galen: what is Marcus' state? -A republican is a man who strives to create equality among all classes. At the core he's a man who believes in doing what's right. The trouble is defining exactly what 'right' is. -The trouble is defining exactly what 'right' is. We all know what right is, Senator. -The Senate too? The moment you returned from the battle your options were clear. If you are a friend to neither side, legate, you must be an enemy to both. We needed to know what you believed. -The moment you returned from the battle your options were clear. If you are a friend to neither side, legate, you must be an enemy to both. We needed to know what you believed. I hope you live to see what I believe... -Who are you? Narcissus The Good? I have heard of Narcissus Meridas. That's who I hear you are. You're hearing about somebody else. -You're hearing about somebody else. How did you get condemned to the arena without a trial? -How did you get condemned to the arena without a trial? When the Senate and the Emperor agree miracles can happen. -When the Senate and the Emperor agree miracles can happen. Would you support the Senate if they would give you a trial? You'd have to give me your word. -Would you support the Senate if they would give you a trial? You'd have to give me your word. I need to give you my word when yours is worth nothing? -I need to give you my word when yours is worth nothing? You're a citizen and a soldier. Not a gladiator. -You're a citizen and a soldier. Not a gladiator. You don't know how wrong you are. -You on your way to trial, too, general? Or do you think they've already had our trial? Why you? -Why you? My loyalties... were in doubt. -My loyalties... were in doubt. Fools to let us both live; we'll be our own best witnesses at our trial. -Fools to let us both live; we'll be our own best witnesses at our trial. That's what worries me... -Is this Rome? Are we just going to be executed? They can't... if this is Rome... -No future-telling, please, I've been terrified enough for one day. Narcissus! Terrified? You? The only thing he's scared of is me. -You know our two most senior Senators: Gaius Cantus and Falco Verus? Only from a distance. -I thought all good generals were quick to recognize opportunities. Sneaking around with your brother? -Sneaking around with your brother? Without him. He'd be weeping if he overheard that. Well? The idea of you as my adopted brother is very... exciting. -Without him. He'd be weeping if he overheard that. Well? The idea of you as my adopted brother is very... exciting. I'm not fit for the job and as a matter of fact I'm not taking the job. -I'm not fit for the job and as a matter of fact I'm not taking the job. Why do you keep playing at being so humble? It's a little embarrassing. -Why do you keep playing at being so humble? It's a little embarrassing. Why do you play at being drunk? -Why do you play at being drunk? How do you know I am playing? Well, the clown is always harmless. Isn't that right? And how did you ever get to know me so well? The last we spent any time together I was fourteen. I think you know me better than my father. He's going to die, isn't he? -How do you know I am playing? Well, the clown is always harmless. Isn't that right? And how did you ever get to know me so well? The last we spent any time together I was fourteen. I think you know me better than my father. He's going to die, isn't he? I don't believe that. He's got the best doctor in the world and a will of iron. You know we're preparing for a full-blown invasion of Germany. -I don't believe that. He's got the best doctor in the world and a will of iron. You know we're preparing for a full-blown invasion of Germany. Of course I know -- who do you think is paying for it? The Emperor himself, didn't you know? Why do you think Commodus came rushing up to the front? Burning patriotism? Filial love? He wants to be sure when he takes over there's enough cash left in the treasury to... play Emperor. Watch out for him, Narcissus; he's inexperienced, but... be careful. -It's my brother's neck you want, not mine. Yours will do! -I came here to see that you stay alive. The people need a living breathing alternative to Commodus, a hero. You mean a symbol of someone who doesn't exist. -You mean a symbol of someone who doesn't exist. But you do exist. Narcissus: hero of the battle of the Danube. -Twenty years I've led men to die. For me it was the glory of Rome. But that was something. If it wasn't that, then it was the pay or the loot of the next whore -- but that was something! These men here are butchered for laughs! Their lives are like jokes delivered in the back alley theaters where their death is a punch line! For the sake of the Gods, you're not leading these men? How like my father you are. You 'believe'... I guess that's why you're still alive. -To think I brought my daughters up on all things Roman. Read to sleep on Catullus, Lucretius... Virgil... every night. My beautiful daughters. Do you remember your Epictetus, that little homily we recited when we were children? The one that was supposed to remind us we were Romans? -"""If you consider yourself to be only one thread of many in the tunic, then it is fitting for you to be like the rest of men, just as the thread has no desire to be any better than the other threads. But...""" """But what if I wish to be purple?""" -You cannot die. Would that Marcus had lived. -Would that Marcus had lived. Marcus would have lived but... was poisoned by his son. -Marcus would have lived but... was poisoned by his son. He killed his father and then my family... -He killed his father and then my family... Narcissus, I have your family. They're alive. All of them. -Where are they? Hidden. Where my brother cannot place hands on them. He didn't have the guts to watch them die so... I took care of it all. The sooner he is put out of our misery, the sooner will they be safe. -Commodus, it's we who are going on the offensive. The fort helps position us for a final invasion in the spring when they're most vulnerable. -The fort helps position us for a final invasion in the spring when they're most vulnerable. Commodus -- listen to Narcissus, listen to the man who has never lost a battle for Rome! You're young with years ahead of you before you gain the experience to wear the purple! -I want you to start your work for the last phase of the campaign. I will, Marcus. But you're going to be well enough to direct it yourself. -I will, Marcus. But you're going to be well enough to direct it yourself. I've made so many mistakes, Narcissus. We all put off the very last duties of our lives because we're afraid of admitting when our lives are over. -I've made so many mistakes, Narcissus. We all put off the very last duties of our lives because we're afraid of admitting when our lives are over. There's no reason to say that. Everyone knows you're going to be well. I had Servis groom your horse for a triumphal visit to the front at first light. -There's no reason to say that. Everyone knows you're going to be well. I had Servis groom your horse for a triumphal visit to the front at first light. Servis made it through again? -Servis made it through again? He's like you, sir, too tough for the Gods to swallow. -If I'd ever had a sign that you wanted to rule I would have... no, again, it's my own bullheadedness. Narcissus, I should have adopted you years ago. And now the Gods are begging me to make you my son! Commodus is just a young man, he'll learn what you had to learn. -Commodus is just a young man, he'll learn what you had to learn. It's not because he's young, it's because he's ignorant and arrogant. His sister is a better man. That's why I have undertaken to begin sweeping changes in the relationship between the emperor and the Senate. -It's not because he's young, it's because he's ignorant and arrogant. His sister is a better man. That's why I have undertaken to begin sweeping changes in the relationship between the emperor and the Senate. So I understand. -So I understand. Everyone talking about it? I wouldn't wonder. All I seek is a genuine balance of power between the Emperor and the Senate. Thus I have transferred legal power -- which was theirs to begin with -- back to the Senators. This includes a shared right to taxation too but some bite in the plan. It's a start, only a start. If the Emperor and the Senate can share power then the people will be ready to take their share. This means Commodus has to bend; does he strike you as that type? -Everyone talking about it? I wouldn't wonder. All I seek is a genuine balance of power between the Emperor and the Senate. Thus I have transferred legal power -- which was theirs to begin with -- back to the Senators. This includes a shared right to taxation too but some bite in the plan. It's a start, only a start. If the Emperor and the Senate can share power then the people will be ready to take their share. This means Commodus has to bend; does he strike you as that type? You're too hard on him. He is a strong young man, with you as his guide... -You're too hard on him. He is a strong young man, with you as his guide... A man should be upright, not be kept upright. History shows us that a good general is quick to recognize opportunities -- even if it means making a complete about face at the last minute. I want you to consider becoming my heir. -A man should be upright, not be kept upright. History shows us that a good general is quick to recognize opportunities -- even if it means making a complete about face at the last minute. I want you to consider becoming my heir. Marcus, you honor me, but I'm a soldier, politics scare the hell out of me. -Marcus, you honor me, but I'm a soldier, politics scare the hell out of me. The Senators admire you. -The Senators admire you. They fear me. -They fear me. They fear change. The new Caesar must be honest enough to know when the emperorship is no longer feasible. You could be the one, the Emperor, the man who oversees the rebirth of the Republic. -They fear change. The new Caesar must be honest enough to know when the emperorship is no longer feasible. You could be the one, the Emperor, the man who oversees the rebirth of the Republic. I'll do anything in my power to help you restore the Republic but I can't be that power. -I made the plume from a quail feather. Much more colorful than the ones we wear. And, of course, less dented. -Don't stop to visit -- take the children straight home and I'll follow as soon as I can. Tomorrow? -Tomorrow? As soon as I can. -As soon as I can. On your honor as a Roman officer, daddy? -On your honor as a Roman officer, daddy? On my honor as your daddy... -I see the emperor's little boy has finally caught up with the army. Let's hope he doesn't start giving orders. -What the hell was all that about? What the hell do you think it was about? There's nothing an unproved heir to the throne likes less than glaring competence in others. -What the hell do you think it was about? There's nothing an unproved heir to the throne likes less than glaring competence in others. Why don't we try to keep politics out of the conversation. -Why don't we try to keep politics out of the conversation. Well, we can try... -Serious stuff... Centurions on both sides of the river are convinced the Germans will try one last offensive. They've got nothing to lose and it's so very like them. -Everyone knew you would have been outspoken against this deal. What deal? -What deal? Rome is going to pay an allotment to the German tribes on an annual basis. -Rome is going to pay tribute -- like a defeated nation begging for mercy? Have you told your troops that? My troops don't make policy. -My troops don't make policy. Well, they die for it! -On his death bed I promised Marcus I would complete our work here. The Senate may be vacillating, but I have the army behind me. I'm taking half a cohort and restocking that fort. I can't let you do that. -You brought the army into Rome. I was summoned. -I was summoned. It's your job as a Roman officer to disobey such a summons. -It's your job as a Roman officer to disobey such a summons. It's my job to keep my job. And that, by the way, is now head of Praetorian Guard. Good ole Tribuus has been retired. -It's my job to keep my job. And that, by the way, is now head of Praetorian Guard. Good ole Tribuus has been retired. Quintus, you've got at least a division with you -- we could take Rome away from Commodus and give it back to the Senate! -Quintus, you've got at least a division with you -- we could take Rome away from Commodus and give it back to the Senate! You seem to be doing a great job of it single-hand! Narcissus, the Republic is dead. You think those Senators could govern? For the last hundred and fifty years they've worked hard at kissing an endless succession of Imperial asses! -You seem to be doing a great job of it single-hand! Narcissus, the Republic is dead. You think those Senators could govern? For the last hundred and fifty years they've worked hard at kissing an endless succession of Imperial asses! Then give the empire back to the people... the children who will grow up to become senators... -Then give the empire back to the people... the children who will grow up to become senators... The 'people'?, listen to the people, they know what they want: A government that gives them what they need and doesn't bother them with messy thoughts of issues. You know, messy... thinking. They want a dictator! As far as the children, there is only one thing that every Roman child dreams of: being you! A famous gladiator! -What are you fighting for in here? The good of Rome? I can end this madness now! Take the job for the sake of the Gods, live! Can you stop that slaughter?! Can you free these men? -He's very realistic. Isn't the helmet magnificent? -Well, you wanted the girls to have the best teachers. Greeks? -Greeks? Athenians... -What about their philosophy lessons? They're studying with Cynics. -They're studying with Cynics. Of course... -You need to come home! I can see that... -I can see that... The battle is over. The war is over. You've won! -The battle is over. The war is over. You've won! If you win, you know, you have to stay. It's the losers who get to go home. Besides, I'm not so sure it is over. Centurions report enemy scouts probing our lines. -This is our oil from our estates? I've been overseeing production myself for the past three years, you'll be surprised at how wonderful our oil has become. -Very fancy. Did you design the bottle? Who else? I'm the one who runs the estates while you're here risking everything we have for the glory of Rome! Or for the glory of you! -Who else? I'm the one who runs the estates while you're here risking everything we have for the glory of Rome! Or for the glory of you! I'm a soldier -- we're at war. I can't stay home tending the damned olive groves? -I'm a soldier -- we're at war. I can't stay home tending the damned olive groves? We don't need your help we're doing great on our own. -I want to come home, of course I do, I'd have to be mad not to want that. It's just that Marcus trusts me. Let him trust Quintus. -Let him trust Quintus. Quintus is overly idealistic. -Quintus is overly idealistic. I never knew a more idealistic man than you. -I never knew a more idealistic man than you. Me? Well, I believe in Rome... you'd have to after what I've seen, how people outside the empire treat each other. -Me? Well, I believe in Rome... you'd have to after what I've seen, how people outside the empire treat each other. I don't even want to imagine the things you've seen... -I don't even want to imagine the things you've seen... What you don't want to imagine is the things I've done. -When you get to Ostia, use this -- bribe passage to Africa or Spain. Save my family. You should be able to find a merchant ship that will take you to Egypt then to Numidia. No! -You're not going! You have to stay with us! How long do you think Commodus will let us live once he's in power? A month? Half a year? Paestum will be a prison where he'll hold us until it's time... -How long do you think Commodus will let us live once he's in power? A month? Half a year? Paestum will be a prison where he'll hold us until it's time... Narcissus! -Narcissus! Do you want to see Themis and Manto butchered? If I die fighting Commodus he won't care about you. If I live I'll come and get you. -Do you want to see Themis and Manto butchered? If I die fighting Commodus he won't care about you. If I live I'll come and get you. I don't want you to die! -I'll never die. You tell the girls that. You honor our ancestors and I'll be there. Every night. At the table of life. Your daughters need more than some vapors; they need you! -Your daughters need more than some vapors; they need you! They'll have me. Teach them. Don't let them become like these ignorant heaps of citizens without history, without philosophy, without meaning. Teach them of the Greeks, the Babylonians, the Hebrews, the Numidians, the Egyptians and the great Romans. Teach them, who we are! -They'll have me. Teach them. Don't let them become like these ignorant heaps of citizens without history, without philosophy, without meaning. Teach them of the Greeks, the Babylonians, the Hebrews, the Numidians, the Egyptians and the great Romans. Teach them, who we are! You teach them! -You teach them! That's what I'm going to do. That's what I'm going to do... -You're a legate in the Roman army. Huh...? and you act like one. What was your crime? I killed too many barbarians. -I killed too many barbarians. I'm a Greek, thank you. And I was brought up believing Romans were the barbarians. Give our new colleague some of the Cretan white. Relax, tell me everything, I'm your friend. -Who the hell are you? I am the man who might save your life -- give you a bit more life at any rate. I am Proximo Palindromos head of this gladiatorial school which is named after me. I own this school and everything that's in it. You're in it! But why? What did a Roman general do to get himself condemned to the Colosseum? Understand, we usually get corn thieves and pick pockets. Please, I separated you from the others because... ... my nose tells me you've been condemned for important reasons. -I am the man who might save your life -- give you a bit more life at any rate. I am Proximo Palindromos head of this gladiatorial school which is named after me. I own this school and everything that's in it. You're in it! But why? What did a Roman general do to get himself condemned to the Colosseum? Understand, we usually get corn thieves and pick pockets. Please, I separated you from the others because... ... my nose tells me you've been condemned for important reasons. Condemned? Aren't I owed a trial before being condemned? -Condemned? Aren't I owed a trial before being condemned? General, all I know is you have been condemned to the Colosseum, and a trial is nowhere to be seen. -General, all I know is you have been condemned to the Colosseum, and a trial is nowhere to be seen. Impossible! Every citizen has a right to trial -- this is Rome! -Thank you. What is going to happen tomorrow? Exactly? You are to be killed, exactly. They'll give you a sporting chance, but just enough to make your murder... entertaining. Romans like to mix their metaphors: laughter with their executions, you know? If you survive, though, you will become a gladiator. A gladiator at least gets a fair fight. -You are to be killed, exactly. They'll give you a sporting chance, but just enough to make your murder... entertaining. Romans like to mix their metaphors: laughter with their executions, you know? If you survive, though, you will become a gladiator. A gladiator at least gets a fair fight. Death is a very light thing for you. -Death is a very light thing for you. Death is... everything for me. Now you have to go to your cell, and I to dicker with Jerses... you'll be fed well. I want you to be fit as you can be; I want you to win for me tomorrow! I want all my gladiators to win and be happy! Besides, I've never owned a Roman general before. -Take your hands off me animal! Chain him. -Sorry but I have to get at least one fight out of you otherwise I won't even get back the cost of the bribe I had to pay the arena slaves to get you here. I know what you're trying to do: kill yourself and trust in the Roman tradition of justice that the emperor will let your family survive and keep their lands. The only thing you have accomplishes is to prove you're a very important individual. You make me feel good about my investment! And that puking pig Jerses -- he won't even discuss you. Both of you have clamped mouths! But I love all my fighters -- I'll find out about your family. And about you. That I promise. I refuse to be your slave. I refuse -- -I refuse to be your slave. I refuse -- -- to fight? We'll see... -Legate Narcissus Meridas, general of the Spanish Felix Legions! I'm proud to have you in my school! Now, show them what you can do! I'm not a gladiator. I refuse to fight. -I'm not a gladiator. I refuse to fight. Then, you'll die... Just, know this: because you asked I asked: I'm sorry but... -General, do you realize what happened out there today? I didn't get killed and everyone else did. -I didn't get killed and everyone else did. That's one way to look at it. -At the end of the day I was approached by the Golden Pompeii Olive Oil company. Small, but profitable. They asked if you would endorse their oil. We could get some very nice posters. Make some very big money... "What would the poster say: ""Narcissus would kill for a taste of Golden Pompeii Olive Oil?""" -"What would the poster say: ""Narcissus would kill for a taste of Golden Pompeii Olive Oil?""" Think about it! Just think about it! -General, hang on... drink slowly. You are blessed by the Gods to have a physician and a Divine of Janus with you tonight. A fan sent them to you. Alive... I'm alive... -Proximo, if this is her doctor he's an assassin. Don't be ridiculous. -It will be good luck for you to wear that helmet... It belonged to Cimon of Smyrna... he was crushed by an elephant. Lucky it didn't step on his head. -No more bad luck now! The people are anticipating you! I have posters up over half the city advertising you as the great warrior -- the true Roman! The man who fought side by side with the wolf of Rome! Make us rich, Proximo, make us very rich... -Tiger's challenged you and Jerses has made me an offer, made us both an offer: you take a fall. What the hell are you talking about, Greek? -You put this inside your shirt -- when Tiger stabs your stomach -- it's full of pig's blood. Gushes out everywhere! It's really impressive. Fantastic! Better than the real thing! So I pretend I'm dead. You get gold, what do I get? -So I pretend I'm dead. You get gold, what do I get? You get to come alive again in the country! -You get to come alive again in the country! As, what, 'The Galloping Gladiator?!' -As, what, 'The Galloping Gladiator?!' The point is you get to fight the easy country circuit, the small arenas, relax, live the good life! -The point is you get to fight the easy country circuit, the small arenas, relax, live the good life! Spend my days beheading country bumpkins? I don't know, Proximo, who has better wine than you? Besides, I'm beginning to think of the Colosseum as my home. -Spend my days beheading country bumpkins? I don't know, Proximo, who has better wine than you? Besides, I'm beginning to think of the Colosseum as my home. But -- you have to go out there! I'll give you more than your one third! When I get paid... just take the fall! You're too hurt to fight and the man's a killer! -But -- you have to go out there! I'll give you more than your one third! When I get paid... just take the fall! You're too hurt to fight and the man's a killer! Pressures on, eh Proximo? There's got to be a load of money in this. Why else would you toss a red hot commodity like me out the window? -Pressures on, eh Proximo? There's got to be a load of money in this. Why else would you toss a red hot commodity like me out the window? It's absolutely not like that! This is for your own good! Come on get the rest of your armor on! -Tell me honestly, since this may be our last earthly meeting: if this were a fair fight where would you put your money? On you! Of course! You are my bravest fighter -- the best fighter I have ever seen! -On you! Of course! You are my bravest fighter -- the best fighter I have ever seen! Such nobility from such an ignoble mouth. Take my advice and make that bet. -Such nobility from such an ignoble mouth. Take my advice and make that bet. Oh, shit. Take your time! Don't get suckered! This man is a murderer! In his career he's killed over a thousand gladiators. Please, just take the fall! -How much money is involved? A great deal. They designed and build Tiger's chariot... -A great deal. They designed and build Tiger's chariot... They want to dump Tiger and have me endorse their damned chariot, right? They don't waste time... -They want to dump Tiger and have me endorse their damned chariot, right? They don't waste time... I can really rape them on this! Can I at least tell them you'll think about it? -I can really rape them on this! Can I at least tell them you'll think about it? No. Tell them I'll do it. But I want more posters all over Rome. -No. Tell them I'll do it. But I want more posters all over Rome. Fantastic! Wonderful! But posters are very expensive. -Fantastic! Wonderful! But posters are very expensive. Then get a large cash advance. -Then get a large cash advance. Right, right... But they'll have to bring in a lawyer. I don't want to get sued over this. -Right, right... But they'll have to bring in a lawyer. I don't want to get sued over this. Before they leave, get gold. -Before they leave, get gold. Right, right, what am I thinking of? -Right, right, what am I thinking of? I want another interview with Cos. Tell him to bring plenty of ink. -I want another interview with Cos. Tell him to bring plenty of ink. I'll do it! Sure as there's shit in the Tiber we're all going to die, but for you -- anything! -So, things change. The government has moved to the circus. You're going to fight last. And Commodus is going to fight first. You were a soldier, and then a gladiator, weren't you? -You were a soldier, and then a gladiator, weren't you? Was I? -Let's talk about this later. Right now we have other things to settle. You and your family will be leaving with a supply ship returning in the morning to Ostia. From there, Caesar has decreed you be given an estate in Paestum. It's beautiful; an old Greek town right on the ocean. Rich soil. Perhaps we could keep our financial arrangements... although Caesar will give you a sort of pension it's always good to look to the future, keep your hand in the arena... so to speak. I want nothing to do with the arena. -I want nothing to do with the arena. Something else, then. Do the chariot races interest you? -Commodus must hate you. Free your gladiators and come with us. Are you mad? With all this unrest the Colosseum will be open day and night! Anyway, I'm not political, I'm in the entertainment business. -Hello. Hello. -You're living at home now. Is that right? Yes. -Yes. Do you know what you're going to do? -Do you know what you're going to do? No. -No. Are you going to graduate school? -Are you going to graduate school? No. -Do you always drive like this? Yes. -Do you want some dinner? I'd love some. -Aren't you eating? No. -No. Why not? -Why not? If it's all right with you, I'm not hungry. -Benjamin -- do you dislike me for some reason? No -- why should I? -No -- why should I? I don't know. -Could you do it? No. -Will you take me home now? I'm sorry I took you in there. -I'm sorry I took you in there. I think I'd better go home now please. -I think I'd better go home now please. But, Elaine -- -But, Elaine -- Where is the car? -Where is the car? I just want to tell you something. -I want to go home. But could I just tell you this one thing? -But could I just tell you this one thing? What? -What? This whole idea -- this date and everything. It was my parents' idea. They forced me into it. -This whole idea -- this date and everything. It was my parents' idea. They forced me into it. Oh -- that's very nice of you to tell me. -Oh -- that's very nice of you to tell me. No. What I mean is -- that's why I've been acting this way. I'm not like this. I hate myself like this. -Listen -- could you stop crying, please? No, I couldn't. -No, I couldn't. But could you try? -But could you try? No. -I've had this feeling -- ever since I've graduated -- this -- kind of compulsion that I have to be rude all the time. Do you know what I mean? Yes, I do. -Would you like to come in? I could make some coffee. No, I mean -- I wouldn't want to wake anyone up. -No, I mean -- I wouldn't want to wake anyone up. We won't. Let's go inside. -We won't. Let's go inside. Wait a minute. -Wait a minute. Is anything wrong? -Is anything wrong? No -- I was just thinking -- look -- it's still early -- we could do something -- go somewhere else. -No -- I was just thinking -- look -- it's still early -- we could do something -- go somewhere else. All right. -Where we going? I'm trying to think of where there's a place to have a drink around here. -I'm trying to think of where there's a place to have a drink around here. Isn't there one in the Taft Hotel? -What is the matter? Nothing. I'm just wondering if they have a bar or not. I mean let's go see. Let's go see if they do or not. -Listen, Elaine -- it seems to me that there isn't a bar in here. I mean -- as far as I know. Of course there is. Look -- The Veranda Room -- right there. -Benjamin -- Let's get out of here, Elaine. Let's go somewhere else. -Let's get out of here, Elaine. Let's go somewhere else. Benjamin -- do they know you? -Benjamin -- do they know you? Of course not. -Ben -- what's happening? Who is Mr. Gladstone? I don't know. They must think I look like this guy Gladstone. -Do you? Yes. -Yes. You're the first -- you're the first thing for so long that I've liked. The first person I could stand to be with. -I'm sorry. That is not my business. It just happened. It was just this thing that happened along with everything else. Can you understand that? -Was she married or something? Yes. -Yes. With a family? -With a family? Yes. She had a husband and a son. -Yes. She had a husband and a son. Did they ever find out? -Did they ever find out? No. -No. And it's all over now. -And it's all over now. Yes. -Yes. I'm glad. -All right. During the day? We'll go for a drive or something. -During the day? We'll go for a drive or something. Okay. -Okay. You sure you really want to? -You sure you really want to? Yes. -Yes. Because I wouldn't want you to do it unless you really wanted to! -Because I wouldn't want you to do it unless you really wanted to! I do. -I do. You do? -You do? Benjamin -- I really do. -What's the matter? You've got to go over the back fence and I'll meet you on the corner. -You've got to go over the back fence and I'll meet you on the corner. Benjamin -- what's happening? -Benjamin -- what's happening? Hurry up. Put your shoes on. -Why aren't you ready? Because I want to know what's happening. -What is it? That woman -- -That woman -- What? -What? That woman. The older woman. -That woman. The older woman. You mean the one who -- -You mean the one who -- Yes. The married woman -- it wasn't just some woman -- -Elaine -- Oh my God -- -No -- don't cry -- GET OUT! -GET OUT! Don't cry. -Don't cry. Get out of here. -I'm meeting someone. Ah. Where? -Where are you meeting this person? At the Zoo. -At the Zoo. The Zoo. They have a pretty good one here, do they? -The Zoo. They have a pretty good one here, do they? I've never been to it. -I've never been to it. Oh. Well, I haven't either. I might just ride out there with you. -Is that him over there? No. -No. Where did he say he was going to meet you? -Where did he say he was going to meet you? I thought he said by the monkey house. -I thought he said by the monkey house. Oh. -Benjamin -- I would like to know what you're doing here. Here? In Berkeley? -Here? In Berkeley? Yes. -Yes. Well, I have this very pleasant room on Carter Street -- and I've been getting to some classes -- -Well, I have this very pleasant room on Carter Street -- and I've been getting to some classes -- But you're not enrolled. -But you're not enrolled. No. I just sit in. They don't seem to mind. They've been very congenial about it. -Benjamin -- you're -- I don't know what to say -- you're -- Maybe we could get together some time and talk about it. -Maybe we could get together some time and talk about it. -- really incredible -- --- really incredible -- Here he comes. -Here he comes. What? -What? I've got a real feeling that this is the fellow. -I want to ask you a question. Come in. -Come in. No. I want to know why you're here in Berkeley? -No. I want to know why you're here in Berkeley? Because -- I am. -Because -- I am. Is it because I'm here? -Is it because I'm here? What do you think? -What do you think? I think it is. -I said I think it is. All right then! Yes! -All right then! Yes! Well, I want you to leave. -Well, I want you to leave. Elaine -- I love you. -Elaine -- I love you. How could you do that, Benjamin? -Do you just hate everything? How could you possibly rape my... What? -What? I don't understand -- -I don't understand -- Did you say rape her? -Did you say rape her? -- how you -- how anyone -- could do a thing like that. --- how you -- how anyone -- could do a thing like that. What did she say? -What did she say? Let me go. -Let me go. You've got to tell me what she said. -Why? Because it isn't true. -Because it isn't true. I don't feel well. -She said she was having a drink in the hotel with a friend. You waited for her in the parking lot and told her she was too drunk to drive home and that you would get her a room for the night. Then what? -Then what? Then you took her upstairs and you raped her. -Then you took her upstairs and you raped her. Elaine -- that is not what happened. -Please let me go. All right -- but listen to me. What happened was there was this party at my parents. I drove your mother home -- then we went upstairs to see your portrait -- -Don't tell me -- -- and when we got up in the room she starts taking her her clothes off -- and -- --- and when we got up in the room she starts taking her her clothes off -- and -- Benjamin -- this is my mother! -Benjamin -- this is my mother! -- suddenly there she was without any clothes on -- I mean really naked -- -Benjamin, when you came up here, what did you think was going to happen between us? Elaine -- right now I don't feel like talking much. I'm sorry about everything but I think I'll just do this now. -Can I just sit here while you're packing? If you want. -What are you looking for? My belt. -My belt. Don't you have it on? -Don't you have it on? No. I have two. The other one is the one I'm looking for. What's this? It's from my grandmother. -No. I have two. The other one is the one I'm looking for. What's this? It's from my grandmother. The marble? -The marble? The belt I'm looking for was from my grandmother. -The belt I'm looking for was from my grandmother. Oh. -What are you going to do now? I don't know. -Are you going home? No. -No. Well -- where are you going? -I don't want you to leave tomorrow. I don't understand. -I don't understand. I don't want you to go anywhere until you have a definite plan. -I don't want you to go anywhere until you have a definite plan. But Elaine -- -But Elaine -- Goodbye. -Benjamin? What? -What? Will you kiss me! -You won't? I don't know. -I don't know. But you might. -But you might. I might. -I might. Is that so? You might marry me? -Is that so? You might marry me? Yes. -Yes. When? -When? I don't know. -I don't know. How about tomorrow? I don't mean to be pushy but -- -How about tomorrow? I don't mean to be pushy but -- I don't know. I don't know what's happening. -I don't know. I don't know what's happening. You mean you're confused? -Well -- look -- don't be confused. We're getting married. I don't see how we can. -I don't see how we can. We just can. -We just can. I have to go back now. -Elaine -- are you serious about this? I'll think about it. -I'll think about it. You really will? -You really will? Yes. -We could go down and get our blood tests tomorrow. Tomorrow? -Tomorrow? Or this afternoon. It's a good day for it. -Or this afternoon. It's a good day for it. Benjamin -- I haven't even said I'll marry you yet. -Benjamin -- I haven't even said I'll marry you yet. We'll need our Birth Certificates. I happen to have mine with me. Where's yours? -I just don't think it would work. Why wouldn't it? -Why wouldn't it? I just don't think it would... -Why don't you just drag me off if you want to marry me so much? Why don't I just drag you off? All right -- I will. Right after we get the blood tests. -Why don't I just drag you off? All right -- I will. Right after we get the blood tests. Well -- I have to see Carl first. -Well -- I have to see Carl first. Carl who? -Carl who? Carl Smith. He's a medical student. We've known him for years. -Carl Smith. He's a medical student. We've known him for years. Who -- that guy at the Zoo? -Who -- that guy at the Zoo? Yes. -Yes. Why do you have to see him? -Why do you have to see him? Well -- I said I might marry him. -How did he do it? Did he get down on his knees? He didn't get down on his knees, I hope. No, Benjamin. -No, Benjamin. Well, what did he say? I'm curious. -Well, what did he say? I'm curious. He said he thought we'd make a pretty good team. -He said he thought we'd make a pretty good team. Oh no. He said that. -Oh no. He said that. Shhhh. -Shhhh. Where did he do it? -Are we getting married tomorrow? No. -No. The day after tomorrow? -The day after tomorrow? Maybe we are and maybe we aren't. -Benjamin? What? -657-2036 Hello -- who is this? -Hello -- who is this? This is Dr. Smith's answering service. -This is Dr. Smith's answering service. Is the doctor anywhere? -Is the doctor anywhere? Well -- you see -- the doctor is at his son's wedding, but I'm sure it's over by now. He should be checking in any moment -- -Well -- you see -- the doctor is at his son's wedding, but I'm sure it's over by now. He should be checking in any moment -- Listen to me. I am Dr. Smith's brother -- Reverend Smith -- and I am supposed to perform the ceremony. I just got in -- from -- Portland -- and I've forgotten what church -- you see? -Oh. Well -- I'm not sure -- but you might try the First Presbyterian. That's on Allan Street. Thank you. -Thank you. I certainly hope you -- -Ben! Excuse me. Mr. McQuire. -Excuse me. Mr. McQuire. Ben. -Ben. Mr. McQuire. -Ben -- I just want to say one word to you -- just one word -- Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Are you listening? -Are you listening? Yes I am. -Yes I am. Plastics. -Exactly how do you mean? There is a great future in plastics. Think about it. Will you think about it? -There is a great future in plastics. Think about it. Will you think about it? Yes, I will. -Yes, I will. Okay. Enough said. That's a deal. -You a student? Not exactly. -What's that? I said -- not exactly -- no. -I said -- not exactly -- no. What are you then? -What are you then? Well -- I'm just sort of traveling through. -I like to know who's living in my house. I like to know what my boys are up to. Ahhh. -You're not one of those agitators? What? -What? One of those outside agitators. -One of those outside agitators. Oh -- no sir. -Oh -- no sir. I hate that. I won't stand for it. -Oh -- hello, Mr. McCleery. Who screamed? -Who screamed? It's all right, Mr. McCleery. -It's all right, Mr. McCleery. Screaming isn't all right. Not in my house it isn't. -Screaming isn't all right. Not in my house it isn't. It was just a visitor. But it's all right now. -What did you do to her? Look -- she's all right. She's upset and she screamed. But she's okay now. -See -- she's just having some water. Now there's no need for the cops or anything. All right, boys -- I think you can get back to your rooms. I don't think we'll have any more of this agitation. Will we, Braddock? -All right, boys -- I think you can get back to your rooms. I don't think we'll have any more of this agitation. Will we, Braddock? No, sir. -Mr. McCleery? You heard me. Out of here. -You heard me. Out of here. What for? -What for? Because I don't like you. -Mr. McCleery -- do you have some change? I need to use the phone? I want you out of here. -I want you out of here. Look -- I'll give you ten dollars for a dime -- I'll give you twenty -- for God's sake, will you let me use that phone? -Look -- I'll give you ten dollars for a dime -- I'll give you twenty -- for God's sake, will you let me use that phone? I am going to call the police now. -I am going to call the police now. Could I make one phone call first? -Could I make one phone call first? Get out! -BENJAMIN? Yes. -Yes. Will you bring up my purse before you go? -Will you bring up my purse before you go? I have to go now. I'm sorry. -Mrs. Robinson? I'm in the bathroom. -I'm in the bathroom. Well here's the purse. -Well here's the purse. Could you bring it up? -Could you bring it up? Well I'll hand it to you. -Come to the railing and I'll hand it up. Benjamin -- I am getting pretty tired of all this suspicion. Now if you won't do me a simple favor I don't know what. -I'm putting it on the top step. For God's sake, Benjamin, will you stop acting that way and bring me the purse? -I'm putting it here by the door. Will you bring it in to me? -Will you bring it in to me? I'd rather not. -I'd rather not. All right. Put it in the room where we were. -All right. Put it in the room where we were. Right. -Hello. Mrs. Robinson -- I don't quite know how to put this -- -Mrs. Robinson -- I don't quite know how to put this -- Benjamin? -Benjamin? Look -- I was thinking about that time after the party -- -Look -- I was thinking about that time after the party -- Where are you? -Where are you? -- and I was wondering if I could buy you a drink or something -- --- and I was wondering if I could buy you a drink or something -- Where are you? -Where are you? Uh -- The Taft Hotel. -Uh -- The Taft Hotel. Did you get a room? -Did you get a room? No. Now I know it's pretty late and if you'd rather -- -No. Now I know it's pretty late and if you'd rather -- Give me an hour. -Give me an hour. What? -What? I'll be there in an hour. -Can I help you, sir! What? Oh -- no -- I'm just -- -What? The Singleman party, sir? -The Singleman party, sir? Oh -- yes. The Singleman party. -Oh -- yes. The Singleman party. It's in the main ballroom. -It's in the main ballroom. Ahh -- thank you. -Yes sir? A room. I'd like a room, please. -A room. I'd like a room, please. A single room or a double room? -A single room or a double room? A single. Just for myself, please. -A single. Just for myself, please. Will you sign the register, please? -Is anything wrong, sir? What? No. Nothing. -What? No. Nothing. Do you have any luggage, Mister -- Gladstone? -Do you have any luggage, Mister -- Gladstone? Luggage? Yes. Yes. I do. -Luggage? Yes. Yes. I do. Where is it? -Where is it? What? -What? Where is your luggage? -Where is your luggage? Well it's in the car. It's out in the car. -Well it's in the car. It's out in the car. Very good, sir. I'll have a porter bring it in. -Very good, sir. I'll have a porter bring it in. Oh no. -Oh no. Sir? -Sir? I mean I'd -- I'd rather not go to the trouble of bringing it all in. I just have a toothbrush. I can get it myself. If that's all right. -I mean I'd -- I'd rather not go to the trouble of bringing it all in. I just have a toothbrush. I can get it myself. If that's all right. Of course. -I'll have a porter show you the room. Oh. Well actually, I'd just as soon find it myself. I just have the toothbrush to carry up and I think I can manage it myself. -Oh. Well actually, I'd just as soon find it myself. I just have the toothbrush to carry up and I think I can manage it myself. Whatever you say, sir. -Oh. I guess this isn't the bathroom, is it? It's down the hall. -How are you, Benjamin? Fine, thank you. The bathroom is down at the end of the hall. -Is there an ashtray in here? No. -No. Oh -- I forgot. The track star doesn't smoke. -Is it a girl? Is what a girl? -Is what a girl? Whatever it is you're upset about. -Whatever it is you're upset about. Oh -- no. I'm just sort of disturbed about things. -Oh -- no. I'm just sort of disturbed about things. In general. -In general. That's right. -Benjamin, I want to ask you something. What? -What? Will you take me home? -Will you take me home? What? -What? My husband took the car. Will you drive me home? -You don't? No. -No. Let's go. -Thank you. Right. -Will you come in, please? What? -What? I want you to come in till I get the lights on. -I want you to come in till I get the lights on. What for? -What for? Because I don't feel safe until I get the lights on. -Would you mind walking ahead of me to the sun porch. I feel funny about coming into a dark house. But it's light in there now. -But it's light in there now. Please. -What do you drink? Bourbon? Look -- I drove you home. I was glad to do it. But I have some things on my mind. Can you understand that? -All right then. What do you drink? -Benjamin -- I'm sorry to be this way, but I don't want to be alone in this house. Why not? -Why not? Please wait till my husband gets home. -Please wait till my husband gets home. When is he coming back? -When is he coming back? I don't know. -Drink? No. -Are you always this much afraid of being alone? Yes. -Yes. Well, why can't you just lock the doors and go to bed? -Well, why can't you just lock the doors and go to bed? I'm very neurotic. -What do you think of me? What do you mean? -What do you mean? You've known me nearly all of your life. You must have formed some opinion. -You've known me nearly all of your life. You must have formed some opinion. Well -- I've always thought that you were a very -- nice -- person. -Well -- I've always thought that you were a very -- nice -- person. Did you know I was an alcoholic? -Did you know I was an alcoholic? What? -What? Did you know that? -Did you know that? Look -- I think I should be going -- -Look -- I think I should be going -- Sit down, Benjamin. -Sit down, Benjamin. Mrs. Robinson -- if you don't mind my saying so -- this conversation is getting a little strange. Now I'm sure that Mr. Robinson will be here any minute and -- -Mrs. Robinson -- if you don't mind my saying so -- this conversation is getting a little strange. Now I'm sure that Mr. Robinson will be here any minute and -- No. -No. What? -What? My husband will be back quite late. -Oh my God. Pardon? -Pardon? Oh no, Mrs. Robinson, oh no. -Oh no, Mrs. Robinson, oh no. What's wrong? -What's wrong? Mrs. Robinson, you didn't -- I mean you didn't expect -- -Mrs. Robinson, you didn't -- I mean you didn't expect -- What? -What? I mean -- you didn't really think that I would do something like that. -I mean -- you didn't really think that I would do something like that. Like what? -Like what? What do you think? -What do you think? Well I don't know. -Well I don't know. For God's sake, Mrs. Robinson, here we are, you've got me into your house. You give me a drink. You put on music, now you start opening up your personal life to me and tell me your husband won't be home for hours. -For God's sake, Mrs. Robinson, here we are, you've got me into your house. You give me a drink. You put on music, now you start opening up your personal life to me and tell me your husband won't be home for hours. So? -So? Mrs. Robinson -- you are trying to seduce me. -Aren't you? Why no. I hadn't thought of it. I feel rather flattered that you -- -Why no. I hadn't thought of it. I feel rather flattered that you -- Mrs. Robinson, will you forgive me for what I just said? -Mrs. Robinson, will you forgive me for what I just said? It's all right. -It's all right. It's not all right, it's the worst thing I've ever said to anyone. -It's not all right, it's the worst thing I've ever said to anyone. Sit down. -Sit down. Please forgive me. Because I like you. I don't think of you that way. But I'm mixed up. -Please forgive me. Because I like you. I don't think of you that way. But I'm mixed up. All right. Now finish your drink. -All right. Now finish your drink. Mrs. Robinson, it makes me sick that I said that to you. -Mrs. Robinson, it makes me sick that I said that to you. We'll forget it right now. Finish your drink. -We'll forget it right now. Finish your drink. What is wrong with me? -What is wrong with me? Have you ever seen Elaine's portrait? -Have you ever seen Elaine's portrait? Her portrait? -Her portrait? Yes. -Yes. No. -No. We had it done last Christmas. Would you like to see it? -We had it done last Christmas. Would you like to see it? Very much. -I don't remember her as having brown eyes. Benjamin? -Benjamin? Yes? -Yes? Will you unzip my dress? -I think I'll go to bed. Oh. Well, goodnight. -Oh. Well, goodnight. Won't you unzip my dress? -Won't you unzip my dress? I'd rather not, Mrs. Robinson. -I'd rather not, Mrs. Robinson. If you still think I'm trying to seduce you -- -If you still think I'm trying to seduce you -- No, I don't. But I just feel a little funny. -No, I don't. But I just feel a little funny. Benjamin -- you've known me all your life. -Benjamin -- you've known me all your life. I know that. But I'm -- -I know that. But I'm -- Come on. -Thank you. Right. -What are you so scared of? I'm not scared, Mrs. Robinson. -I'm not scared, Mrs. Robinson. Then why do you keep running away? -Then why do you keep running away? Because you're going to bed. I don't think I should be up here. -Haven't you ever seen anybody in a slip before? Yes, I have -- -But I just -- Look -- what if Mr. Robinson walked in right now? What if he did? -What if he did? Well, it would look pretty funny, wouldn't it? -Well, it would look pretty funny, wouldn't it? Don't you think he trusts us together? -Don't you think he trusts us together? Of course he does. But he might get the wrong idea. Anyone might. -Of course he does. But he might get the wrong idea. Anyone might. I don't see why. I'm twice as old as you are. How could anyone think -- -I don't see why. I'm twice as old as you are. How could anyone think -- But they would! Don't you see? -But they would! Don't you see? Benjamin -- I'm not trying to seduce you. I wish you'd -- -Benjamin -- I'm not trying to seduce you. I wish you'd -- I know that. But please, Mrs. Robinson. This is difficult for me. -I know that. But please, Mrs. Robinson. This is difficult for me. Why is it? -Why is it? Because I am confused about things. I can't tell what I'm imagining. I can't tell what's real. I can't -- -Because I am confused about things. I can't tell what I'm imagining. I can't tell what's real. I can't -- Would you like me to seduce you? -Would you like me to seduce you? What? -What? Is that what you're trying to tell me? -Is that what you're trying to tell me? I'm going home now. I apologize for what I said. I hope you can forget it. But I'm going home right now. -I really don't want to put this on again. Won't you bring it up? Where is it? -Where is it? On that chair in the hall. -Don't be nervous. Get away from that door. -Get away from that door. I want to say something first. -I want to say something first. Jesus Christ! -Jesus Christ! Benjamin -- I want you to know I'm available to you. If you won't sleep with me this time -- -Benjamin -- I want you to know I'm available to you. If you won't sleep with me this time -- Oh my God. -Oh my God. If you won't sleep with me this time, Benjamin, I want you to know you can call me up any time you want and we'll make some kind of arrangement. -If you won't sleep with me this time, Benjamin, I want you to know you can call me up any time you want and we'll make some kind of arrangement. Let me out! -Let me out! Do you understand what I said? -Do you understand what I said? Yes. Yes. Let me out! -Yes. Yes. Let me out! Because I find you very attractive and any time -- -Yes, I do. I've got to go. -Benjamin? Yes. -Yes. Thank you for taking me home. -Hello, Benjamin. Oh. Hello. Hello. -May I sit down? Of course. -How are you? Very well. Thank you. -May I have a drink? A drink? Of course. -He didn't see me. Waiter! -You don't have to be so nervous, you know. Nervous. Well, I am a bit nervous. I mean it's -- it's pretty hard to be suave when you're -- -Did you get us a room? What? -What? Have you gotten us a room yet? -Have you gotten us a room yet? I haven't. No. -I haven't. No. Do you want to? -Do you want to? Well -- I don't. I mean I could. Or we could just talk. -Well -- I don't. I mean I could. Or we could just talk. Do you want me to get it? -Do you want me to get it? You? Oh no. No. I'll get it. -You? Oh no. No. I'll get it. Do you want to get it now? -Do you want to get it now? Now? -Now? Yes. -Yes. Well -- I don't know. -Well -- I don't know. Why don't you get it. -Why don't you get it. Why don't I get it? Well -- I will then. If you'll excuse me. -I got a single room. That's fine. -That's fine. But there's one thing. The desk clerk seemed to be a little bit suspicious. I mean -- I don't know what their policy is -- but -- -But there's one thing. The desk clerk seemed to be a little bit suspicious. I mean -- I don't know what their policy is -- but -- Well -- do you want to go up first? -Well -- do you want to go up first? Yes -- I think that would be good. -Yes -- I think that would be good. I'll be up in five minutes. -I'll be up in five minutes. Well -- goodbye then -- -Well -- goodbye then -- Benjamin. -Benjamin. Yes? -Yes? Isn't there something you want to tell me? -Isn't there something you want to tell me? To tell you? -To tell you? Yes. -Yes. Well -- I want you to know how much I appreciate this -- really -- -Well -- I want you to know how much I appreciate this -- really -- The number. -The number. What? -What? The room number, Benjamin. I think you ought to tell me that. -The room number, Benjamin. I think you ought to tell me that. Oh? You're absolutely right. Absolutely. It's 512. -Oh? You're absolutely right. Absolutely. It's 512. Thank you. -Thank you. You're welcome. Well -- I'll see you later, Mrs. Robinson. -Well. Benjamin. -Benjamin. Yes? -Yes? I'll get undressed now. Is that all right? -I'll get undressed now. Is that all right? Sure. Shall I -- I mean shall I just stand here? I mean -- I don't know what you want me to do. -Sure. Shall I -- I mean shall I just stand here? I mean -- I don't know what you want me to do. Why don't you watch? -Why don't you watch? Oh -- sure. Thank you. -Will you bring me a hanger? What? -What? A hanger. -Oh -- yes. Wood? What? -What? Wood or wire? They have both. -Wood or wire? They have both. Either one will be fine. -Either one will be fine. Okay. -Thank you. You're welcome. -Would this be easier for you in the dark? Mrs. Robinson -- I can't do this. -Mrs. Robinson -- I can't do this. You what? -You what? This is all terribly wrong. -This is all terribly wrong. Benjamin -- do you find me undesirable? -Benjamin -- do you find me undesirable? Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think -- I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I just don't think we could possibly -- -Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think -- I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I just don't think we could possibly -- Are you afraid of me? -Are you afraid of me? No -- but look -- maybe we could do something else together, Mrs. Robinson -- would you like to go to a movie. -No -- but look -- maybe we could do something else together, Mrs. Robinson -- would you like to go to a movie. Benjamin, is this your first time? -Benjamin, is this your first time? Is this -- what? -Is this -- what? It is, isn't it? It is your first time. -It is, isn't it? It is your first time. That's a laugh, Mrs. Robinson. That's really a laugh. Ha ha. -That's a laugh, Mrs. Robinson. That's really a laugh. Ha ha. You can admit that, can't you? -You can admit that, can't you? Are you kidding? -Are you kidding? It's nothing to be ashamed of -- -It's nothing to be ashamed of -- Wait a minute! -Wait a minute! On your first time -- -On your first time -- Who said it was my first time? -Who said it was my first time? That you're afraid -- -That you're afraid -- Wait a minute. -Wait a minute. -- of bring -- inadequate -- I mean just because you happen to be inadequate in one way -- --- of bring -- inadequate -- I mean just because you happen to be inadequate in one way -- INADEQUATE! -Now -- do you think we could say a few words to each other first this time? If you want. -If you want. Good. I mean are we dead or something? -Good. I mean are we dead or something? Well I just don't think we have much to say to each other. -Well I just don't think we have much to say to each other. All we ever do is come up here and throw off the clothes and leap into bed together. -All we ever do is come up here and throw off the clothes and leap into bed together. Are you tired of it? -Are you tired of it? I'm not. No. But do you think we could liven it up with a few words now and then? -I'm not. No. But do you think we could liven it up with a few words now and then? Well what do you want to talk about? -Well what do you want to talk about? Anything. Anything at all. -Anything. Anything at all. Do you want to tell me about some of your college experiences? -Do you want to tell me about some of your college experiences? Oh my God. -Oh my God. Well? -Well? Mrs. Robinson. If that's the best we can do let's just get the goddamn clothes off and -- -Leave it on! Now we are going to do this thing. We are going to have a conversation. Think of another topic. How about art. -How about art. Art. That's a good subject. You start it off. -Art. That's a good subject. You start it off. You start it off. I don't know anything about it. -You start it off. I don't know anything about it. Oh. -Oh. Don't you? -Don't you? Yes I do. I know quite a bit about it. -Yes I do. I know quite a bit about it. Go ahead then. -Go ahead then. Art. Well what do you want to know about it. -Are you interested more in modern art or more in classical art. Neither. -Neither. You're not interested in art? -You're not interested in art? No. -No. Then why do you want to talk about it? -Then why do you want to talk about it? I don't. -Can I take off my clothes now? No. Think of another topic. Tell me what you did today. -No. Think of another topic. Tell me what you did today. Do you really want me to? -Do you really want me to? Yes I do. -Yes I do. I got up. -Do you want to hear it or not? Yes. But you might try and spice it up with a little originality. -Yes. But you might try and spice it up with a little originality. I got up. I ate breakfast and went shopping. During the afternoon I read a novel. -I got up. I ate breakfast and went shopping. During the afternoon I read a novel. What one. -What one. What? -What? What novel did you read. -What novel did you read. I don't remember. -Then I fixed supper for my husband and waited until -- There! -There! What? -What? Your husband! Mrs. Robinson! There's something we could have a conversation about. -Your husband! Mrs. Robinson! There's something we could have a conversation about. Him? -Him? I mean everything. I don't know anything about how you -- how you work this. I don't know how you get out of the house at night. I don't know the risk involved. -I mean everything. I don't know anything about how you -- how you work this. I don't know how you get out of the house at night. I don't know the risk involved. There isn't any. -There isn't any. There's no risk? -How do you get out of the house? I walk out. -I walk out. You walk right out the door. -What do you say to him? He's asleep. -He's asleep. Always? -Always? Benjamin, this isn't a very interesting topic. -Benjamin, this isn't a very interesting topic. Please. Now tell me. How do you know he won't wake up sometime and follow you. -Please. Now tell me. How do you know he won't wake up sometime and follow you. Because he takes sleeping pills. He takes three sleeping pills every night at ten o'clock. -Because he takes sleeping pills. He takes three sleeping pills every night at ten o'clock. But what about the noise from the car. What if -- -But what about the noise from the car. What if -- The driveway's on my side of the house. -The driveway's on my side of the house. We're talking. -We're talking. What? -What? We're talking, Mrs. Robinson. We're talking. -We're talking, Mrs. Robinson. We're talking. Calm down, Benjamin. -Calm down, Benjamin. Now let's keep going here. -Now let's keep going here. Can I undress and talk at the same time? -Can I undress and talk at the same time? Right. -Right. Thank you. -Thank you. Now. You say the driveway's on your side of the house. So I guess you don't sleep in the same room. -Now. You say the driveway's on your side of the house. So I guess you don't sleep in the same room. We don't. -We don't. So you don't -- I mean I don't like to seem like I'm prying but I guess you don't sleep together or anything. -So you don't -- I mean I don't like to seem like I'm prying but I guess you don't sleep together or anything. No we don't. -No we don't. Well how long has this been going on. -Well how long has this been going on. About five years. -About five years. Oh no. Are you kidding me? -Oh no. Are you kidding me? No. -No. You have not slept with your husband for five years? -You have not slept with your husband for five years? Now and then. He gets drunk a few times a year. -Now and then. He gets drunk a few times a year. How many times a year. -How many times a year. On New Year's Eve. Sometimes on his birthday. -On New Year's Eve. Sometimes on his birthday. Man, is this interesting. -Man, is this interesting. Is it? -Is it? So you don't love him. You wouldn't say you -- -So you don't love him. You wouldn't say you -- We've talked enough, Benjamin. -We've talked enough, Benjamin. Wait a minute. So you wouldn't say you loved him. -Wait a minute. So you wouldn't say you loved him. Not exactly. -Not exactly. But you don't hate him. -But you don't hate him. No, Benjamin. I don't hate him. Unhook my blouse. -No, Benjamin. I don't hate him. Unhook my blouse. Well how do you feel about him, then? -Well how do you feel about him, then? I don't. -I don't. Well that's kind of a bad situation then, isn't it? -Well that's kind of a bad situation then, isn't it? Is it? -Is it? I mean it doesn't sound like it could be much worse. If you hated him at least you'd hate him. -Well you loved him once, I assume. When you first knew him. No. -No. What? -What? I never did, Benjamin. Now let's -- -I never did, Benjamin. Now let's -- Well, wait a minute. You married him. -Why did you do that? See if you can guess. -See if you can guess. Well I can't. -Well I can't. Think real hard, Benjamin. -Think real hard, Benjamin. I can't see why you did, unless... you didn't have to marry him or anything, did you? -I can't see why you did, unless... you didn't have to marry him or anything, did you? Don't tell Elaine. -Don't tell Elaine. Oh no. You had to marry him because you got pregnant? -Oh no. You had to marry him because you got pregnant? Are you shocked? -Are you shocked? Well I never thought of you and Mr. Robinson as the kind of people who... -Well I never thought of you and Mr. Robinson as the kind of people who... All right. Now let's get to bed. -All right. Now let's get to bed. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. So how did it happen? -Wait a minute. Wait a minute. So how did it happen? What? -What? I mean do you feel like telling me what were the circumstances? -I mean do you feel like telling me what were the circumstances? Not particularly. -Not particularly. Was he a law student at the time? -And you were a student also. Yes. -Yes. At college. -At college. Yes. -Yes. What was your major? -What was your major? Why are you asking me all this? -Why are you asking me all this? Because I'm interested, Mrs. Robinson. Now what was your major subject at college? -Because I'm interested, Mrs. Robinson. Now what was your major subject at college? Art. -Art. Art? -But I thought you -- I guess you kind of lost interest in it over the years then. Kind of. -Kind of. Well how did it happen? -Well how did it happen? How do you think. -How do you think. I mean did he take you up to his room with him? Did you go to a hotel? -I mean did he take you up to his room with him? Did you go to a hotel? Benjamin, what does it possibly matter? -Benjamin, what does it possibly matter? I'm curious. -I'm curious. We'd go to his car. -We'd go to his car. Oh no. In the car you did it? -Oh no. In the car you did it? I don't think we were the first. -What kind of car was it? What? -What? Do you remember the make of the car? -Do you remember the make of the car? Oh my God. -Oh my God. Really. I want to know. -Really. I want to know. It was a Ford, Benjamin. -It was a Ford, Benjamin. A Ford! A Ford! Goddamnit, a Ford! That's great! -A Ford! A Ford! Goddamnit, a Ford! That's great! That's enough. -That's enough. So old Elaine Robinson got started in a Ford. -Don't talk about Elaine. Don't talk about Elaine? -Don't talk about Elaine? No. -No. Why not? -Why not? Because I don't want you to. -I wish you'd tell me. There's nothing to tell. -There's nothing to tell. Well why is she a big taboo subject all of a sudden? -Well -- I guess I'll have to ask her out on a date and find out what's -- Benjamin, don't you ever take that girl out. -Do you understand that? Well look. I have no intention of taking her out. -Well look. I have no intention of taking her out. Good. -Good. I was just kidding around. -I was just kidding around. Good. -Good. But why shouldn't I? -But why shouldn't I? I have my reasons. -I have my reasons. Then let's hear them. -Then let's hear them. No. -No. Let's hear your reasons, Mrs. Robinson. Because I think I know what they are. -I'm not good enough for her to associate with, am I? I'm not good enough to even talk about her, am I? Let's drop it. -Let's drop it. We're not dropping it. Now that's the reason, isn't it? I'm a dirty degenerate, aren't I? I'm not fit to -- -We're not dropping it. Now that's the reason, isn't it? I'm a dirty degenerate, aren't I? I'm not fit to -- Benjamin? -Benjamin? I'm good enough for you but I'm too slimy to associate with your daughter. That's it, isn't it? ISN'T IT? -I'm good enough for you but I'm too slimy to associate with your daughter. That's it, isn't it? ISN'T IT? Yes. -Yes. You go to hell. You go straight to hell, Mrs. Robinson. Do you think I'm proud of myself? Do you think I'm proud of this? -You go to hell. You go straight to hell, Mrs. Robinson. Do you think I'm proud of myself? Do you think I'm proud of this? I wouldn't know. -I wouldn't know. Well, I'm not. -Well, I'm not. You're not. -You're not. No sir. I am not proud that I spend my time with a broken-down alcoholic! -No sir. I am not proud that I spend my time with a broken-down alcoholic! I see. -I see. And if you think I come here for any reason besides pure boredom, then you're all wrong. -Because -- Mrs. Robinson this is the sickest, most perverted thing that ever happened to me. And you do what you want but I'm getting the hell out. Are you? -Are you? You're goddamn right I am. -That I'm a sick and disgusting person. Now don't start this. -Now don't start this. What? -What? Don't start acting hurt. -Don't start acting hurt. Don't you expect me to be a little hurt? -Don't you expect me to be a little hurt? Mrs. Robinson, you stand there and tell me I'm not good enough for your daughter. -Mrs. Robinson, you stand there and tell me I'm not good enough for your daughter. Did I say that? -Did I say that? Of course you did. -Benjamin, I want to apologize to you if that's the impression you got. Well two minutes ago you told me I wasn't good enough for your daughter. Now you say you're sorry I got that impression. -Well two minutes ago you told me I wasn't good enough for your daughter. Now you say you're sorry I got that impression. I didn't mean it. I don't think you'd be right for each other. But I would never say you weren't as good a person as she is. -I didn't mean it. I don't think you'd be right for each other. But I would never say you weren't as good a person as she is. You wouldn't. -You wouldn't. Of course I wouldn't. -What are you doing? Well it's pretty obvious you don't want me around any more. -Well it's pretty obvious you don't want me around any more. Well look -- I was kind of upset there. I'm sorry I said those things. -Well look -- I was kind of upset there. I'm sorry I said those things. If that's how you feel -- -If that's how you feel -- But it's not. -But it's not. That's all right. I think I can understand why I'm disgusting to you. -That's all right. I think I can understand why I'm disgusting to you. Oh no. Look -- I like you. I wouldn't keep coming here if I didn't like you. -Oh no. Look -- I like you. I wouldn't keep coming here if I didn't like you. But if it's sickening for you -- -But if it's sickening for you -- It's not! I enjoy it! I look forward to it. It's the one thing I have to look forward to. -It's not! I enjoy it! I look forward to it. It's the one thing I have to look forward to. You don't have to say that. -You don't have to say that. Well I wouldn't. I would never say it if it wasn't true. -Well I wouldn't. I would never say it if it wasn't true. May I stay then? -May I stay then? Yes. Please. I want you to. -Yes. Please. I want you to. Thank you. -Thank you. Well don't thank me, because I want you to. -Look. Why the hell did you bring this up. It never occurred to me to take her out. Then give me your word you won't. -Then give me your word you won't. This is absurd. -This is absurd. Promise me, Benjamin. -Promise me, Benjamin. All right, for christ's sake. I promise I will never take out Elaine Robinson. -All right, for christ's sake. I promise I will never take out Elaine Robinson. Thank you. Benjamin -- -Thank you. Benjamin -- Let's not talk about it. Let's not talk at all. -Now listen -- this was not my idea. It was my father's idea. Benjamin -- I thought I made myself perfectly clear about this. -Benjamin -- I thought I made myself perfectly clear about this. Look, we'll go out to dinner and have a drink and I'll bring her back. Because it was either that or a dinner party for the two families. And I'm afraid I couldn't quite handle that, if you don't mind. I have no intention of ever taking your precious daughter out again in her life. So don't get upset about it. -Look, we'll go out to dinner and have a drink and I'll bring her back. Because it was either that or a dinner party for the two families. And I'm afraid I couldn't quite handle that, if you don't mind. I have no intention of ever taking your precious daughter out again in her life. So don't get upset about it. But I am. I'm extremely upset about it, Benjamin. -Drive down the block. Mrs. Robinson -- I have a date with Elaine. We're going for a drive. -Mrs. Robinson -- I have a date with Elaine. We're going for a drive. Do exactly what I say. -Now it seems to me -- Listen to me very carefully, Benjamin. You are not to see Elaine again. Ever. Those are my orders. Is that clear? -Mrs. Robinson -- I can makes things quite unpleasant. -I can makes things quite unpleasant. How? -How? In order to keep Elaine away from you -- I am prepared to tell her everything. -In order to keep Elaine away from you -- I am prepared to tell her everything. I don't believe you. -I don't believe you. Then you'd better start believing me. -Then you'd better start believing me. Mrs. Robinson, don't wreck it. I'm asking you please not to wreck it. -Mrs. Robinson, don't wreck it. I'm asking you please not to wreck it. Go home now. -Go home now. I just don't believe you would do that. -Hello. Get me the police, please. Where is Elaine? -Where is Elaine? I'll be with you in a moment, Benjamin. Will you send a police car to twelve hundred Glenview Road. We have a burgler here. Just a second. I'll ask him. Are you armed? No -- I don't believe he is. Thank you. -What have you done to her? I think we have everything quite under control now, Benjamin. Would you like a quick drink before you go? -You can't stop me from seeing her, Mrs. Robinson. I'll find her. I'm sorry we won't be able to invite you to the wedding, Benjamin, but the arrangements have been so rushed -- -I'm sorry we won't be able to invite you to the wedding, Benjamin, but the arrangements have been so rushed -- What the hell have you done? -Ahh. I don't think you'll have time for that drink after all. I'll find her. -I'll find her. I don't think so. -I say I've got it. Sir? -Sir? The toothbrush. I got it all right. -The toothbrush. I got it all right. Very good, sir. -Very good, sir. Yes. Well -- goodnight. -Yes. Well -- goodnight. Goodnight, sir. -No -- actually I'm not -- I'd like you to know my sister, Miss DeWitte -- -Braddock -- Braddock? Yes, but I'm afraid -- -Yes, but I'm afraid -- I'll find your table in a moment. Braddock. Not Braniff? We have a Braniff. -I'll find your table in a moment. Braddock. Not Braniff? We have a Braniff. No -- actually I'm just looking for a friend. -No -- actually I'm just looking for a friend. I'm afraid I don't understand. -I'm afraid I don't understand. I'm not with your party -- I'm sorry. -I'm not with your party -- I'm sorry. Hey -- I don't get it. -Say hello to Mrs. Robinson, Benjamin. Hello, Mrs. Robinson. -Can I talk to you a minute? Sure. -Sure. Benjamin? I'm going to ask you something but you don't have to tell me if you don't want. -Benjamin? I'm going to ask you something but you don't have to tell me if you don't want. What? -What? Well I'm going to ask you what you do when you go off at night. -Well I'm going to ask you what you do when you go off at night. When I go off? -When I go off? You don't have to tell me if you don't want. -You don't have to tell me if you don't want. No, I do. I want to tell you. -I drive around. What else? -What else? Nothing else. -Nothing else. Well you don't drive around from midnight until noon the next day, Benjamin. -Well you don't drive around from midnight until noon the next day, Benjamin. Oh, no. -Oh, no. Then what do you do? Do you meet someone? -Then what do you do? Do you meet someone? Meet someone? -Why did you say that? Well this is your business, Benjamin. If you -- -Well this is your business, Benjamin. If you -- No wait. Wait. -I don't meet anyone, mother, but why did you say that? Benjamin, I'm not going to pry into your affairs, but I'd rather you didn't say anything at all than be dishonest. Goodnight, Benjamin. -Benjamin, I'm not going to pry into your affairs, but I'd rather you didn't say anything at all than be dishonest. Goodnight, Benjamin. Well, wait. -Well why do you -- why do you think that? Because I know you don't drive around for twelve hours. -Because I know you don't drive around for twelve hours. Oh. Well, I don't. Shall I tell you what I do? -Oh. Well, I don't. Shall I tell you what I do? Not if you don't want to. -Not if you don't want to. I do. -I do. But I don't want you to make up something. -But I don't want you to make up something. I'm not. But I'm -- I'm not very proud of what I do. I usually get kind of drunk. I usually drive over to Los Angeles and go to some bars and get kind of drunk. Then I take a hotel room. So I won't have to drive home on the freeway. I mean it kind of scares me to drive home after -- -I'm not. But I'm -- I'm not very proud of what I do. I usually get kind of drunk. I usually drive over to Los Angeles and go to some bars and get kind of drunk. Then I take a hotel room. So I won't have to drive home on the freeway. I mean it kind of scares me to drive home after -- Goodnight, Benjamin. -Goodnight, Benjamin. You believe me, don't you? -You believe me, don't you? No. -No. You don't? -But I want you to. Please. Please will you believe me. Goodnight. -It's pretty embarrassing. I really don't know what to tell Mr. Robinson. It's awkward and strained for me every time he suggests that you call up Elaine. Next time he suggests it, I'll tell him I have no intention of ever calling her up in my life. -Don't go on like this. Now if Benjamin absolutely refuses to take her out -- I do. -I do. -- then I'll simply invite all the Robinsons' over for dinner on Thursday. -I'm going up to Berkeley today. Oh, Ben -- this is so -- exciting -- -They don't know? No -- they don't. -No -- they don't. Well -- when did you decide all this? -Well -- when did you decide all this? About an hour ago. -When did you two talk this over? We haven't. -I'm just -- -- worried? --- worried? Well -- -Well -- About what? -About what? I guess -- about my future. -I guess -- about my future. What about it? -What about it? I don't know. I want it to be -- -I don't know. I want it to be -- To be what? -To be what? Different. -Why? Well -- it's very comfortable -- just to drift here. -Well -- it's very comfortable -- just to drift here. Have you thought about graduate school? -Have you thought about graduate school? No. -No. Would you mind telling me then -- what were those four years of college for? What was the point of all that hard work? -Would you mind telling me then -- what were those four years of college for? What was the point of all that hard work? You got me. -You got me. Now listen, Ben. I think it's a very good thing that a young man -- after he's done some very good work -- should have a chance to relax and enjoy himself, and lie around, and drink beer and so on. But after a few weeks I believe that person would want to take some stock in himself and his situation and start to think about getting off his ass. -I guess she's not good enough for you, is that it? Look -- Elaine Robinson and I do not get along. -Look -- Elaine Robinson and I do not get along. How do you know? You haven't seen her since high school. I guess your evenings, whatever you do with them, are just too valuable. -How do you know? You haven't seen her since high school. I guess your evenings, whatever you do with them, are just too valuable. That has nothing to do with it -- -That has nothing to do with it -- I guess I'll just tell Mr. Robinson that you're just too busy every evening -- doing God knows what -- -Say that again. I'm going to marry Elaine Robinson. -Come on, let's call the Robinsons. We've got something to celebrate. No. I think you'll want to wait on that. -Wait a minute. You talked to Elaine this morning? No. She doesn't know about it. -No. She doesn't know about it. She doesn't know that you're coming up to Berkeley? -She doesn't know that you're coming up to Berkeley? No. Actually -- she doesn't know about us getting married yet. -Ben -- this whole idea sounds pretty half-baked. No -- it's not. It's completely baked. It's a decision I've made. -I drove -- I drove Mrs. Robinson home. She wanted me to drive her home so I -- I drove her home. Swell. I appreciate it. -Swell. I appreciate it. She's upstairs. She wanted me to wait down here till you got home. -She's upstairs. She wanted me to wait down here till you got home. Standing guard over the old castle, are you? -Standing guard over the old castle, are you? Yes, sir. -Here. It looks like you need a refill. Oh no. -Oh no. What? -What? I've got to go. -I've got to go. Is anything wrong? You look a little shaken up. -Is anything wrong? You look a little shaken up. No. No -- I'm just -- I'm just a little worried about my future. I'm a little upset about my future. -Thank you very much, sir. Ben -- how old are you now? -Ben -- how old are you now? Twenty. I'll be twenty-one next week. -Twenty. I'll be twenty-one next week. That's a hell of a good age to be. -That's a hell of a good age to be. Thank you. -Thank you. I wish I was that age again. Because, Ben -- -I wish I was that age again. Because, Ben -- Sir? -Sir? You'll never be young again. -You'll never be young again. I know. -I know. Ben, can I say something to you? -Ben, can I say something to you? What? -What? How long have we known each other now? -How long have you and I known each other? How long have your Dad and I been partners? Quite a while. -Quite a while. I've watched you grow up, Ben. -I've watched you grow up, Ben. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. In many ways I feel as though you were my own son. -In many ways I feel as though you were my own son. Thank you. -Thank you. So I hope you won't mind my giving you a friendly piece of advice. -So I hope you won't mind my giving you a friendly piece of advice. I'd like to hear it. -I'd like to hear it. Ben -- I think -- I think you ought to be taking it a little easier right now than you seem to. -You have yourself a few flings this summer. I bet you're quite a ladies' man. Oh no. -Oh no. What? You look like the kind of guy that has to fight them off. Doesn't he look to you like the kind of guy who has to fight them off? -Oh say -- Elaine gets down from Berkeley on Saturday. Oh yes. -Oh yes. Ben -- I want you to give her a call. -Ben -- I want you to give her a call. I will. -I will. Great. -Hi, Ben. What are you doing with yourself these days? Oh -- not too much. Taking it easy. -Oh -- not too much. Taking it easy. That's what I'd do if I could. Nothing wrong with that. Hey Ben, Elaine's coming down from Berkeley soon. I want you to call her up this time. -That's what I'd do if I could. Nothing wrong with that. Hey Ben, Elaine's coming down from Berkeley soon. I want you to call her up this time. I will. -I will. Because I just think you two would hit it off real well together. -Hello. What would you say to a short one? Bourbon still your drink? -What would you say to a short one? Bourbon still your drink? Yes. -Do you want -- do you want to try and tell me why you did it? Mr. Robinson? -Mr. Robinson? Do you have a special grudge against me? Do you feel a particularly strong resentment for me? -Do you have a special grudge against me? Do you feel a particularly strong resentment for me? No, it's not -- -No, it's not -- Is there something I've said that's caused this contempt? Or is it just the things I stand for that you despise? -Is there something I've said that's caused this contempt? Or is it just the things I stand for that you despise? It was nothing to do with you, sir. -It was nothing to do with you, sir. Well, Ben, it was quite a bit to do with me. -Now look -- please -- Ben, I think we're two civilized human beings. Do you think it's necessary to threaten each other? -Ben, I think we're two civilized human beings. Do you think it's necessary to threaten each other? I am not threatening you. -I am not threatening you. Do you want to unclench your fists, please? Thank you. I can see in the dark, you know. I've been here quite a while. -Do you want to unclench your fists, please? Thank you. I can see in the dark, you know. I've been here quite a while. I am trying to tell you I have no personal feelings about you, Mr. Robinson. I am trying to tell you I do not resent you. -I am trying to tell you I have no personal feelings about you, Mr. Robinson. I am trying to tell you I do not resent you. You don't respect me terribly much either, do you? -You don't respect me terribly much either, do you? No, I don't. -No, I don't. Well, I don't think we have a whole lot to say to each other, Ben. I do think you should know the consequences of what you've done. I do think you should know that my wife and I are getting a divorce soon. -Well, I don't think we have a whole lot to say to each other, Ben. I do think you should know the consequences of what you've done. I do think you should know that my wife and I are getting a divorce soon. But why? -But why? Why? -Why? It shouldn't make any difference what happened. -It shouldn't make any difference what happened. That's quite a statement. -That's quite a statement. Listen to me. We got -- we got into bed with each other. But it was nothing. It was nothing at all. We might -- we might just as well have been shaking hands. -Listen to me. We got -- we got into bed with each other. But it was nothing. It was nothing at all. We might -- we might just as well have been shaking hands. Shaking hands. Well, that's not saying much for my wife, is it? -Shaking hands. Well, that's not saying much for my wife, is it? You miss the point. -You miss the point. Don't shout at me, Ben. -Don't shout at me, Ben. The point is -- I don't love your wife. I love your daughter, sir. -The point is -- I don't love your wife. I love your daughter, sir. Well -- I'm sure you think you do, Ben, but after a few times in bed with Elaine I feel quite sure you'd get over that as quickly as you -- -Well -- I'm sure you think you do, Ben, but after a few times in bed with Elaine I feel quite sure you'd get over that as quickly as you -- HUH? -HUH? I think I've talked about this enough. I don't know how far I can go, Ben. I don't know if I can prosecute or not, but I think maybe I can. In the light of what's happened I think maybe I can get you behind bars if you ever look at my daughter again. I have seen Elaine and I have spent the afternoon taking steps to insure... -Hello. Mrs. Robinson? -Mrs. Robinson? Yes? -Yes? It's Benjamin. -It's Benjamin. Yes? -Yes? Benjamin Braddock. -Benjamin Braddock. Benjamin -- where are you? -Benjamin -- where are you? Can you look through the glass. -Can you see me now? Yes, I can. -Are you ready in there, feature attraction? Could I speak to you for a second, Dad? -Dad -- could we just talk about this for a second? Twenty-one-years-old, ladies and gentlemen; four of those years spent accomplishing some rather extraordinary things at one of our nation's leading seats of learning -- -I can't hold them much longer, Ben. You better get out here. I'd like to discuss this. -I'd like to discuss this. This boy -- I'm sorry -- this young man -- is soon to continue his education as a Frank Halpingham Award Scholar -- but before he does -- --- before he does -- You're disappointing them, Ben. You're disappointing them. Dad -- can you listen -- -Dad -- can you listen -- I'll give you ten seconds. He is going to give us a practical demonstration of what I feel safe in saying is a pretty exciting birthday present -- and it better work or I'm out over two hundred bucks -- so let's hear it for -- -Is anything wrong? No! No -- we're just on our way downstairs! -The Carlsons' are here. They are? Come on. -They came all the way from Tarzana. It's a wonderful thing to have so many devoted friends. -What's happening? Ben says he and Elaine are getting married. -Ben says he and Elaine are getting married. I don't believe it. -I don't believe it. That what he says. Right? -Turn 'em up. Oh yes -- that's right -- look! I win, don't I -- -I'm having luck for the first time in my life. Your bank, Mr. Kringelein. -I oughtn't to presume, but I -- I'm so grateful to you -- it's been so marvelous. The first time in my life I have gambled -- I've danced! Oh, you can laugh, gentlemen, but it's the first time in my life I've ever tasted life! Splendid! -Life, gentlemen, is wonderful, but very dangerous. You must have courage for it, then it's wonderful. You gentlemen don't know that because you are all healthy and happy, but I -- believe me -- a man must know death and not until then does a man know anything about life. Rejoice in life while yet the small lamp burns. -It's a short life and a gay one... Every glass high to life -- the splendid, dangerous, mighty, brief -- brief life -- and the courage to live it. Baron, you know -- I've only lived since last night -- but that little while seems longer than all the time before -- all the -- -Have you a minute now? No -- I told you not to come in this lobby. -No -- I told you not to come in this lobby. Time's getting short. -Time's getting short. I've told you a hundred times not to speak to me with a cigarette in your mouth. -I want to speak -- Not now. -Not now. Yes, sir. -You are late -- the dancer's gone to the theatre. Well? -Well? She's gone to the theatre -- don't you know? -She's gone to the theatre -- don't you know? Yes. -Yes. And what are you going to do? -And what are you going to do? The pearls are in her room. -The pearls are in her room. Now listen to me. The others are getting suspicious of you. I was on the telephone to Amsterdam today, they think you're scared. -Now listen to me. The others are getting suspicious of you. I was on the telephone to Amsterdam today, they think you're scared. I've been careful, I've been waiting my chance. -I've been careful, I've been waiting my chance. You've been waiting your chance. You're too much of a gentleman -- that's the trouble with you. -You've been waiting your chance. You're too much of a gentleman -- that's the trouble with you. I told you I'll get the pearls tonight. -I told you I'll get the pearls tonight. Need any help? -Need any help? No. -No. Have you got that skeleton key? -No -- Why? -Why? The floor clerk is out there in the corridor -- she sees everything --- -The floor clerk is out there in the corridor -- she sees everything --- I could take care of her. -I could take care of her. How? -How? Chloroform on a handkerchief from behind -- while you... -Chloroform on a handkerchief from behind -- while you... No -- no -- no -- no... -No -- no -- no -- no... Why? -Why? Poor girl -- chloroform would give her a rotten headache... I know -- I had it in the war. Besides, she's very pretty -- not young but -- -Poor girl -- chloroform would give her a rotten headache... I know -- I had it in the war. Besides, she's very pretty -- not young but -- You're no good for this business. It's just a joke to you... -You're no good for this business. It's just a joke to you... I don't like your tone. -I don't like your tone. No -- -Get out and leave it to me... be ready to leave on the night train for Amsterdam... With the pearls? -With the pearls? With the pearls -- -I've quit. You can't. -You can't. I'm not going to get those pearls and neither are you. -I'm not going to get those pearls and neither are you. What about the money? -What about the money? I'll pay you back. -I'll pay you back. How? -How? I have an idea working in my head... -I have an idea working in my head... You might find a bullet through that head... -You might find a bullet through that head... If you did that, you'd get nothing except the police after you. If you wait -- I'll give you your six thousand back -- -Like dancing? Not with strangers. -Never? You're a fool! -You're a fool! Yes, I am rather. -He must be very nice. Who? -Who? Whoever is keeping you waiting. -Whoever is keeping you waiting. Have you seen it? -Have you seen it? Oh, my large and noisy neighbor -- really? That? -Oh, my large and noisy neighbor -- really? That? That. -That. You? -You? Oh -- work!! -Oh -- work!! Oh! -Oh! Dictation. You know... -Dictation. You know... Oh... poor child. If you were free, I'd ask you to come and have some tea -- but -- -Oh... poor child. If you were free, I'd ask you to come and have some tea -- but -- Tea would spoil my dinner. One meal a day, I'd hate to spoil it. -Tea would spoil my dinner. One meal a day, I'd hate to spoil it. Reducing? -Reducing? No -- why? -- should I? -No -- why? -- should I? Lord no -- charming -- but why one meal a day? -Lord no -- charming -- but why one meal a day? Money -- Ever heard of it? -Money -- Ever heard of it? Yes -- yes indeed -- but you are a... ...a stenographer. Don't little stenographers earn little pennies? -Yes -- yes indeed -- but you are a... ...a stenographer. Don't little stenographers earn little pennies? Very little. -Very little. Too bad. -Too bad. Did you ever see a stenographer with a decent frock on? -- One that she'd bought herself? -Did you ever see a stenographer with a decent frock on? -- One that she'd bought herself? Poor child -- I wish I were free tonight -- we could -- -Poor child -- I wish I were free tonight -- we could -- Aren't you? -Aren't you? What? -What? Free -- -Free -- Unfortunately no -- to bad -- tomorrow though. -Unfortunately no -- to bad -- tomorrow though. Tomorrow? What time tomorrow? -Tomorrow? What time tomorrow? Shall we say five o'clock -- downstairs? -Shall we say five o'clock -- downstairs? Where downstairs? -Where downstairs? Yellow Room where they dance -- -Yellow Room where they dance -- You're very funny -- -You're very funny -- Yes? -- Tomorrow? -Yes? -- Tomorrow? Of course. -Of course. Really? -We'll dance. All right. We'll dance. -I'd given you up. Sorry. -Chasing around. Chasing what? -Chasing what? Money. -You were very different yesterday. Yesterday -- yes -- that was yesterday. -That was lovely. Will you do me a big favor? -Will you do me a big favor? I'll do anything for you. -I'll do anything for you. Would you like to make a man happy? -Would you like to make a man happy? Yes -- I'd love to. -Yes -- I'd love to. Then dance the next number with Kringelein. -Then dance the next number with Kringelein. Why? -Why? I feel sorry for him. -I feel sorry for him. You're not a bit like you were yesterday. -You're not a bit like you were yesterday. I fell in love last night -- the real thing. -I fell in love last night -- the real thing. Oh -- there's no real thing -- it doesn't exist. -Oh -- there's no real thing -- it doesn't exist. I thought that, too -- but I found that it does. Come along, dance with Kringelein. -I thought that, too -- but I found that it does. Come along, dance with Kringelein. Anything for you. -Going? Yes -- -Flaemmchen, what are you doing here in the middle of the night. Looking for my room -- one sixty- six. -Looking for my room -- one sixty- six. You live here? -You live here? For tonight. -For tonight. Oh! -Oh! Yes -- oh! -Yes -- oh! Well -- such is life, Flaemmchen. -Well -- such is life, Flaemmchen. And Baron, thanks so much for everything. -Please do not be frightened, Madam. What do you want here? -What do you want here? Nothing -- only to be here. -Nothing -- only to be here. Why do you hide in my room? -Why do you hide in my room? But surely you must know -- because I love you. -But surely you must know -- because I love you. Because you love me -- you love me? -Poor little Grusinskaya! Does it do you good to cry? Are you afraid? Shall I go? I was so alone -- always alone -- and suddenly you were there and said that. No. I am not afraid. It is strange. -I was so alone -- always alone -- and suddenly you were there and said that. No. I am not afraid. It is strange. Don't cry -- it tears my heart to see you sob like that. -Don't cry -- it tears my heart to see you sob like that. Nerves -- just nerves. You must forgive me. I have had a bad evening. I am very tired. Do you know what it is to be tired -- tired of a routine existence? -Nerves -- just nerves. You must forgive me. I have had a bad evening. I am very tired. Do you know what it is to be tired -- tired of a routine existence? I'm afraid not -- I usually do just what I feel like doing at the moment. -So you feel like coming into a lady's room -- and you come... What now? I'd like to smoke a cigarette. -I'd like to smoke a cigarette. Certainly. -Why do you look at me like that? I did not know you were so beautiful... and -- -I did not know you were so beautiful... and -- And then --? -And then --? No irony. You're so appealing -- so soft -- so tired. I feel like taking you in my arms and not letting anything more happen to you -- ever. -No irony. You're so appealing -- so soft -- so tired. I feel like taking you in my arms and not letting anything more happen to you -- ever. And -- and -- -And -- and -- How tired you are! -How tired you are! Yes -- tired... -Yes -- tired... So alone. -So alone. Alone. All alone. Oh, you strange -- strange creature. -Alone. All alone. Oh, you strange -- strange creature. You mustn't talk Russian to me. -You mustn't talk Russian to me. Strange man... -Strange man... Am I quite strange to you? -Am I quite strange to you? Not quite strange now. It is as if I had been expecting you. You know, once when the Grand Duke was alive, I found a man hiding in my room -- a young officer -- -Not quite strange now. It is as if I had been expecting you. You know, once when the Grand Duke was alive, I found a man hiding in my room -- a young officer -- And...? -And...? He disappeared. Later he was found dead. -He disappeared. Later he was found dead. I never knew it was so dangerous to hide in a woman's room when she's alone. -I never knew it was so dangerous to hide in a woman's room when she's alone. Go away. Who are you --? -Go away. Who are you --? A man who could love -- that is all, who has forgotten everything else for you. -A man who could love -- that is all, who has forgotten everything else for you. You could love me. It is so long since I have heard that word. Nobody has loved me for a long time. It is so icy-cold to be famous. One is so cruelly alone. How is it that you -- Let me look at you. Your hands. Your eyes. Why could you love me? -You could love me. It is so long since I have heard that word. Nobody has loved me for a long time. It is so icy-cold to be famous. One is so cruelly alone. How is it that you -- Let me look at you. Your hands. Your eyes. Why could you love me? I saw you just now -- then I saw you cry -- and now I see you in the mirror -- Grusinskaya... -I saw you just now -- then I saw you cry -- and now I see you in the mirror -- Grusinskaya... Grusinskaya... Oh -- oh if you knew how I slaved and slaved for Grusinskaya -- for the success of Grusinskaya -- for the triumph of Grusinskaya... and what is she now? Just someone who has found that on the day success ceases life ceases -- Are you listening to me -- Do you understand? -- I want you to understand. -Grusinskaya... Oh -- oh if you knew how I slaved and slaved for Grusinskaya -- for the success of Grusinskaya -- for the triumph of Grusinskaya... and what is she now? Just someone who has found that on the day success ceases life ceases -- Are you listening to me -- Do you understand? -- I want you to understand. Yes -- I do understand. -Yes -- I do understand. I think you must go now -- the key is on the floor. -I think you must go now -- the key is on the floor. I'm not going -- You know I'm not going -- Let me stay here? -I'm not going -- You know I'm not going -- Let me stay here? I want to be alone. -I want to be alone. That is not so -- you don't want to be alone. -That is not so -- you don't want to be alone. I want to be alone -- -I want to be alone -- No -- You don't want to be alone at all -- You were in despair before -- If I left you, you'd feel worse than you did before, You must not be alone -- You mustn't cry -- you must forget... Tell me that I can stay with you -- tell me. -No -- You don't want to be alone at all -- You were in despair before -- If I left you, you'd feel worse than you did before, You must not be alone -- You mustn't cry -- you must forget... Tell me that I can stay with you -- tell me. Just for a minute then. -The stage frays one's nerves... the discipline -- it's so exacting. Discipline means doing what you don't want to do and take no pleasure in doing. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever experienced the weariness that comes from discipline? I? -- Oh, no. I do only what I take pleasure in doing. -I see -- you do only what you take pleasure in doing. You take pleasure in coming into a woman's bedroom and you come. You take pleasure in a dangerous climb onto a balcony, so you do it... And what is your pleasure now? I should like to smoke. -Why do you smile? Because I can see something in the mirror that you cannot. My dear -- -Because I can see something in the mirror that you cannot. My dear -- What can you see? -What can you see? You are beautiful! -You are beautiful! No. -No. Beautiful but so sad. I did not know it was so dangerous to look into a woman's bedroom. -I'm not going... You know that I'm not going... Do you think I could leave you alone here? After that --? What? -What? The veronal -- you. I'm going to stay here with you. -The veronal -- you. I'm going to stay here with you. I want to be alone. -I want to be alone. That is not the truth. You do not want to be alone -- you're afraid of being alone -- I know you're afraid. I know you. You were desperate, just now, if I go away you'll be more desperate than ever. Say I am to stay with you... say it. -Oh -- I was ambitious then -- ambition was in my blood -- no rest, no stopping. We were drilled like little soldiers -- We danced in the school of the Imperial Ballet, in St. Petersburg. I was little and slim but hard as diamond -- a duty machine -- No rest, no stopping. And then -- I became famous and whoever is famous is alone... But why should I be telling you this? Last night I did not know you at all -- who are you, really? -- I do not even know your name. I am Felix Benvenuto von Gaigern. My mother called me Flix. -I am Felix Benvenuto von Gaigern. My mother called me Flix. Flix. -- And how do you live? What kind of a person are you? -Flix. -- And how do you live? What kind of a person are you? I'm a prodigal son, the black sheep of a white flock -- I shall die on the gallows. -I'm a prodigal son, the black sheep of a white flock -- I shall die on the gallows. Really? -Really? Really, I haven't a bit of character. None at all. -Really, I haven't a bit of character. None at all. No? -No? When I was a little boy I was taught to ride and be a gentleman -- at school, it was a monastery, I learned to pray and lie -- and --- -When I was a little boy I was taught to ride and be a gentleman -- at school, it was a monastery, I learned to pray and lie -- and --- And? -And? And then, in the war, to kill and hide. That's all. -And then, in the war, to kill and hide. That's all. And what do you do -- now? -And what do you do -- now? I'm a gambler -- I'm running at large like a happy pig, devouring anything of life that pleases me, I really belong in jail -I'm a gambler -- I'm running at large like a happy pig, devouring anything of life that pleases me, I really belong in jail Oh! What a picture -- and what else? -Oh! What a picture -- and what else? I'm also a criminal and a hotel thief. -I'm also a criminal and a hotel thief. That's a silly joke. -That's a silly joke. Please look at me. You must believe me -- you must believe that I love you -- that I have never known what love is -- until last night. -Please look at me. You must believe me -- you must believe that I love you -- that I have never known what love is -- until last night. What is the matter? -There. Oh -- -You may keep the pearls -- I don't want them any more -- I'll make you a present of them. I don't want them now. -I don't want them now. I'll not denounce you. -I'll not denounce you. I know. -I know. So -- -So -- Yesterday I was a thief -- but now, -- -Yesterday I was a thief -- but now, -- But now, you must go... I give you the pearls. But now you must go --- -But now, you must go... I give you the pearls. But now you must go --- I wanted money desperately -- Can you understand? -- That's why I wanted the pearls. I was threatened -- I was desperately in need of a certain big sum of money. I've been following you -- I've admired you. But I have forced myself not to think about you -- Last night, at last, I managed to came into your room and -- and now. -I wanted money desperately -- Can you understand? -- That's why I wanted the pearls. I was threatened -- I was desperately in need of a certain big sum of money. I've been following you -- I've admired you. But I have forced myself not to think about you -- Last night, at last, I managed to came into your room and -- and now. And now? -And now? I couldn't go through with it. Remarkable. -Do you understand? Yes -- yes -- yes. -Grusinskaya -- Yes. -Yes. You do believe that I really love you? -You do believe that I really love you? Yes -- If I didn't believe that, I'd die after last night. -Yes -- If I didn't believe that, I'd die after last night. I want to be good to you -- madly good. -I want to be good to you -- madly good. Suzette will be back here in a minute. -Suzette will be back here in a minute. I'll go -- good-bye. -I'll go -- good-bye. Shall I see you again? -Shall I see you again? I -- -Suzette will be back here any minute. When are you leaving Berlin? -When are you leaving Berlin? Very early in the morning. -Very early in the morning. For Vienna? -For Vienna? Can't -- can't you -- Couldn't you come too -- I think it would be better -- for us -- for us both. -Can't -- can't you -- Couldn't you come too -- I think it would be better -- for us -- for us both. Oh -- yes but -- later. -Oh -- yes but -- later. Why later? -Why later? I have no money now -- I must get some first -- I must get some. -I have no money now -- I must get some first -- I must get some. I'll give you what you need -- I have money. -I'll give you what you need -- I have money. Oh no -- that would spoil everything. I'll -- I will manage somehow -- I'll manage myself. I will go with you. When does the train leave? -Oh no -- that would spoil everything. I'll -- I will manage somehow -- I'll manage myself. I will go with you. When does the train leave? Six twenty-seven in the morning... But the money? -Six twenty-seven in the morning... But the money? Never mind -- I'll get it. I have a whole day. I'll be on that train. -You must go now. Be careful on your way to your room. I'll go. -- I love you. I'll be on that train. I'll get the money. -Don't do anything foolish -- I'm alarmed about you. Don't worry. I'll be on the train. He leaves. -Bless you... Are you coming to the theatre? Oh -- I shall dance tonight -- How I shall dance -- I want to feel that you are in the theatre. -Are you coming to the theatre? Oh -- I shall dance tonight -- How I shall dance -- I want to feel that you are in the theatre. I can't. -I can't. No? -No? No! I can't explain now. Oh, look -- the pearls. You wear them now... -No! I can't explain now. Oh, look -- the pearls. You wear them now... Why do you think -- -Why do you think -- Why? -Why? They've brought me such good luck -- you -- -I'm worried about you. Don't. -Don't. On the train? -On the train? Yes -- I will be on the train. -Yes -- I will be on the train. Till then. -Till then. Bless you -- -Thank you, sir. Not at all, sir. -Not at all, sir. Permit me -- my name is Kringelein -- from Fredersdorf. -Permit me -- my name is Kringelein -- from Fredersdorf. I'm Baron von Gaigern. -I'm Baron von Gaigern. Oh, a Baron! -And this is Doctor Otternschlag. Oh -- Doctor -- you are a Doctor -- I am -- -What's the matter, Mr. Kringelein? General Director Preysing! Baron, when I was sixteen years old, I started as an office boy in that man's factory -- -General Director Preysing! Baron, when I was sixteen years old, I started as an office boy in that man's factory -- Then you know him? -Then you know him? Do I know him -- I know him through and through. -Baron, we must have gone a hundred miles an hour, at least... Yes, quite. -Yes, quite. We've been together all day... and in an aeroplane. -I'm going to change and we'll meet for a drink in the Yellow Room. In the Yellow Room, where the music's playing and the ladies are? -In the Yellow Room, where the music's playing and the ladies are? Where the music's playing and the ladies are... -Hello -- sorry I'm late. Oh -- here you are, Baron. A drink -- A Louisiana flip? -Oh -- here you are, Baron. A drink -- A Louisiana flip? Hello, Mr. Kringelein. How do you feel now? -Hello, Mr. Kringelein. How do you feel now? A little strange, Baron. -A drink, Baron -- A Louisiana flip? No thanks -- keeping my head clear. -The Baron is tired? No, Kringelein, not tired, -- just -- Well -- well -- -No, Kringelein, not tired, -- just -- Well -- well -- Perhaps this evening, Baron, we could go to the Casino -- the place we passed with the marvelous bright lights? -Perhaps this evening, Baron, we could go to the Casino -- the place we passed with the marvelous bright lights? I'd like to Kringelein, but I can't -- I am broke! -I'd like to Kringelein, but I can't -- I am broke! Broke -- A Baron? But, Baron -- -Was the Baron joking, or is it really true that the Baron is -- in financial straits. Absolutely true, Kringelein and I have to raise some money immediately. -Absolutely true, Kringelein and I have to raise some money immediately. If the Baron -- if you would permit me -- -What? I would be awfully glad to oblige, you've been so decent to me. Three hundred? -I would be awfully glad to oblige, you've been so decent to me. Three hundred? If I could get into a game I might win some. -If I could get into a game I might win some. Gambling! I'd like that. I have over six thousand eight hundred marks with me. -Gambling! I'd like that. I have over six thousand eight hundred marks with me. If we could scare up some men to play. -If we could scare up some men to play. We could come to my room. -We could come to my room. Good! -Ready, Kringelein? Ready, Baron. -Is that too much, Baron? No -- not at all. -No -- not at all. All right then. -All right then. All right then. -That was my last. You've lost everything? -You've lost everything? I've no luck. -I've no luck. Pardon me, Baron. Permit me again... -Drink to me, Kringelein -- it's my last chance. I do drink, Baron -- I drink to you, Baron and to win. It's good, -- come along, Baron. -I take five hundred. All of that at once, Baron? -Here -- here it is. Here's your pocketbook, Kringelein. Oh -- yes -- that's it -- you found it -- you found it for me, Baron. -Oh -- yes -- that's it -- you found it -- you found it for me, Baron. Goodnight, Kringelein. -Goodnight, Kringelein. No -- no please -- oh, don't go -- don't go -- don't leave me alone, Baron. -You're all right now -- it's very late -- goodnight, Kringelein. Oh, no, stay here, Baron -- stay. -Good evening -- my key -- one sixty- eight. Good evening, Mr. Pimenov. -Good evening, Mr. Pimenov. Oh -- good evening, Baron. -Oh -- good evening, Baron. How's the beautiful lady? -How's the beautiful lady? Grusinskaya -- well, to tell the truth, Baron -- tonight we are a little bit nervous. Were you at the theatre last night? -Grusinskaya -- well, to tell the truth, Baron -- tonight we are a little bit nervous. Were you at the theatre last night? Certainly -- always when Grusinskaya dances. -Certainly -- always when Grusinskaya dances. Well -- last night was not so good. -Well -- last night was not so good. I thought she was splendid! -I thought she was splendid! Yes -- but the audience. -It's always so quiet here. If you occupied the room next to Madam Grusinskaya, you would appreciate the quiet of a hotel lobby. -If you occupied the room next to Madam Grusinskaya, you would appreciate the quiet of a hotel lobby. My dear sir, I would gladly change rooms with you. -My dear sir, I would gladly change rooms with you. No doubt you would, Baron. But do you know, I'm quite indispensable to her. I'm her ballet master and her nurse. I hardly belong to myself anymore. But, there you are, it's Grusinskaya -- you can't help adoring her. -The war. That is Doctor Otternschlag -- You know him? -That is Doctor Otternschlag -- You know him? Yes -- He always seems to be waiting for something -- and nothing ever comes. -Yes -- He always seems to be waiting for something -- and nothing ever comes. The war dropped him here and forgot him. -The war dropped him here and forgot him. Yes, I was in the war. -Perhaps you could present me now, Mr. Pimenov. Please, Baron -- forgive me -- not now -- here she is. -Pardon me, the lady has urgent business here with me. Insolent -- Berlin manners. -Oh, let the poor devil alone. I did not ask your advice. -I think it would be much better if you went away. We shall see who remains here the longer. -We shall see who remains here the longer. As you will. -Aha! -- The Baron. What do you want here? I must have made a mistake. -I must have made a mistake. Made a mistake -- remarkable. We shall soon see if you made a mistake. Stay here... Give me that money. -So that's how we stand, Baron. Look here, sir -- I'm completely at your mercy -- I'm desperate -- it's a matter of life or death -- I had to get some money -- tonight. -Look here, sir -- I'm completely at your mercy -- I'm desperate -- it's a matter of life or death -- I had to get some money -- tonight. Indeed you must, Baron -- you must. Humm -- humm, but you must go to jail, Baron, you're a thief. -Indeed you must, Baron -- you must. Humm -- humm, but you must go to jail, Baron, you're a thief. Be quiet. -Be quiet. I'm going to call the police. I'm going to watch you play the great Baron with the police. Aristocrat! Aristocrat! -Hello! Hello! -- Don't do that. -Is that for me? No -- Madam Grusinskaya's car is to be brought. -No -- Madam Grusinskaya's car is to be brought. Madam Grusinskaya's car is to be brought. -For me? No -- Madam Grusinskaya's car is not to be brought. -No -- Madam Grusinskaya's car is not to be brought. Madam Grusinskaya's car is not to be brought. -For me? No -- letters to two-eighty. -No -- letters to two-eighty. If a young woman, a stenographer, -- etc. -The stenographer is to go up -- Mr. Preysing telephoned. Mr. Preysing -- one sixty-four. -Madam Grusinskaya -- at once -- Your chauffeur's been waiting, Baron. -The night clerk has already gone -- you are late. Man -- I was at the clinic the whole night -- there are no words to describe what my wife suffered. -Man -- I was at the clinic the whole night -- there are no words to describe what my wife suffered. And the child isn't coming? -And the child isn't coming? No -- no -- not yet. Well, I mustn't let it interfere with my duty. Any news here? -No -- no -- not yet. Well, I mustn't let it interfere with my duty. Any news here? News? Yes -- killing in number one- sixty-four. -News? Yes -- killing in number one- sixty-four. What? -- Who? -- Whom? -What? -- Who? -- Whom? The big manufacturer killed Baron von Gaigern. -The big manufacturer killed Baron von Gaigern. Good heavens. What for? -Good heavens. What for? I don't know. -I don't know. Man -- that's terrible. He was a nice fellow -- I am sorry about him. -Man -- that's terrible. He was a nice fellow -- I am sorry about him. It seems that he was a thief and an imposter. -It seems that he was a thief and an imposter. I don't believe it -- he was a real gentleman. I know people... I'm so tired I can hardly see out of my eyes. No sleep for two nights and so many duties and now this killing in the hotel -- that means a lot of work. But it's too bad about the Baron, you always felt better when he came along -- always friendly -- such an agreeable fellow. -I don't believe it -- he was a real gentleman. I know people... I'm so tired I can hardly see out of my eyes. No sleep for two nights and so many duties and now this killing in the hotel -- that means a lot of work. But it's too bad about the Baron, you always felt better when he came along -- always friendly -- such an agreeable fellow. Most imposters are -- -Any letters? No, Doctor. -No, Doctor. Telegrams? -Telegrams? No, Doctor. -No, Doctor. Anyone asked for me? -Anyone asked for me? Nobody, Doctor. -Any letters? No, doctor. -I came here from a long distance to stay at the Grand Hotel. I want a room -- a big room -- like you would give General Director Preysing -- I'm as good as Mr. Preysing -- I can pay like Mr. Preysing -- would you give him a little room, way up in the corner with the hot water pipes going -- bang -- bang -- bang... This gentleman can have my room. -This gentleman can have my room. Oh! -Oh! Send his bags up to my room. -Send his bags up to my room. Oh -- but -- I -- -Oh -- but -- I -- You're tired. I can see that. -You're tired. I can see that. Yes -- yes -- I am tired. I have been ill... -Yes -- yes -- I am tired. I have been ill... You are ill. -I know -- I know -- when a man's collar is an inch too big for him -- I know he is ill. Yes -- Oh -- oh -- yes, -- -You will stay, Doctor -- if you have nothing better to do? I have nothing better to do, Mr. Kringelein. -Oh, but Doctor. Isn't this wonderful. To live -- to live -- in the Grand Hotel. The Grand Hotel. -The Grand Hotel. Oh, but Doctor. The music -- the champagne -- girls when they dance -- all the shining ice in those big silver things -- That's life -- -Oh, but Doctor. The music -- the champagne -- girls when they dance -- all the shining ice in those big silver things -- That's life -- Life! -- Mr. Kringelein, you are drunk -- good night. -Life! -- Mr. Kringelein, you are drunk -- good night. But Doctor -- -Life is changing you, Mr. Kringelein. Yes, thanks to the Baron. The best shops, the very best. Look, Doctor, silk -- feels so nice on the skin... a London hat, see -- made in England, that's silk, too -- fifty marks... Look, the price is on it. That was half my salary before. The Baron is a very fine gentleman -- no one in my life has been so nice to me as the Baron. -No pain, Mr. Kringelein? Pain? Oh, no, Doctor. I think if I had pain I'd be too happy to notice it... -Barman -- whiskey -- For you, Mr. Kringelein? For me? -- Oh, please, something sweet and cold. -Well, Mr. Kringelein, are you getting what you're looking for? What, Doctor? -What, Doctor? A masculine paradise -- drink, the ladies, dancing... -A masculine paradise -- drink, the ladies, dancing... I had a very good opportunity, a young lady asked me to dance -- I ought to be able to dance, it seems to be very important. -I had a very good opportunity, a young lady asked me to dance -- I ought to be able to dance, it seems to be very important. You must learn as quickly as your time allows -- Believe me Mr. Kringelein, a man who isn't with a woman is a dead man. -You must learn as quickly as your time allows -- Believe me Mr. Kringelein, a man who isn't with a woman is a dead man. Haven't you anyone -- Haven't you anybody -- you -- I mean -- Are you all alone in the world. -Haven't you anyone -- Haven't you anybody -- you -- I mean -- Are you all alone in the world. I'm always alone -- I have been everything. -I'm always alone -- I have been everything. Everything? -Everything? I was sent as a military surgeon to South Africa. Stinking climate. Taken prisoner. Home on parole not to fight. I was a surgeon in the Great War till the end. Grenade in the face. Carried diphtheria bacilli in the wound until 1920. Isolated two years. I've been everything. -Excuse me, gentlemen. I'll take the bank -- All right, gentlemen. -Over -- over so soon -- it has just begun. Oh, the pain. Try and sleep, Kringelein, don't be afraid. -Try and sleep, Kringelein, don't be afraid. I'd like to live a little longer but -- I'm not afraid to die -- I'm not... -There is no pocketbook here... On the floor probably. More than fourteen thousand marks... were in that pocketbook. -More than fourteen thousand marks... were in that pocketbook. Fourteen thousand marks... One can travel -- one's happiness might depend on fourteen thousand marks -- don't you think so, Baron? -Oh, I've got to find it. Stay where you are. -Stay where you are. No -- I must find it -- Fourteen thousand two hundred marks. -You've nothing to fear, Kringelein No. -If I could trouble the Baron to come and see this beautiful room. I have ordered champagne. Perhaps the Baroness could join us. Waiter, oh waiter! Wait a minute! We are having caviar -- it's expensive but that makes no difference -- I see the Baroness is laughing. -Waiter, oh waiter! Wait a minute! We are having caviar -- it's expensive but that makes no difference -- I see the Baroness is laughing. Have caviar if you like, but it tastes like herring to me. -You may laugh. Caviar and champagne may mean nothing to you, but to me -- they mean a great deal. You see, I'm ill and all of a sudden I got a fear of missing life. I don't want to miss life -- do you understand? You are funny. You speak of life as if it were a train you wanted to catch. -You are funny. You speak of life as if it were a train you wanted to catch. Yes -- and for me, it's going to leave at any minute. Let's drink. -I'm sure this beautiful room must appeal to your taste -- distinctive, don't you think? Velvet upholstery -- 'A-number one'. I'm in the textile trade and I know. And these are real silk drapes. Silk -- think of that -- silk -- they are, too. -Silk -- think of that -- silk -- they are, too. Have you seen the bathroom? -- Hot and cold running water -- You see, I can get a bath whenever I like. -Her master's voice! I must go now -- goodbye -- thanks. Oh, don't go. -Oh, don't go. I'm engaged for the evening. -I'm engaged for the evening. Oh, can anyone engage you for the evening? -Oh, can anyone engage you for the evening? To take dictation -- a Mr. Preysing -- Goodbye, you -- tomorrow at five o'clock. -Good evening, Mr. Kringelein -- Where's the Baron? I'm waiting for him here. The Baron and I have been together all day. A hundred miles an hour -- in a motor car -- and in an aeroplane -- It was marvelous -- -I'm waiting for him here. The Baron and I have been together all day. A hundred miles an hour -- in a motor car -- and in an aeroplane -- It was marvelous -- Mr. Kringelein -- How you have changed, you look so nice. -Mr. Kringelein -- How you have changed, you look so nice. Oh, thank you, Miss Flaemm. Oh, please, Miss Flaemm -- Permit me, Miss Flaemm, won't you have something sweet -- a Louisiana flip. A Louisiana flip. -Oh, thank you, Miss Flaemm. Oh, please, Miss Flaemm -- Permit me, Miss Flaemm, won't you have something sweet -- a Louisiana flip. A Louisiana flip. No - absinthe. -No - absinthe. Yes -- that -- -You like music? Yes -- it's stimulating -- a man might -- -Yes -- it's stimulating -- a man might -- A man might what? -A man might what? I don't know -- I'd like to do anything -- -I don't know -- I'd like to do anything -- Oh -- you would! -Dance then? She's beautiful -- isn't she? -You must look at my face and not at the floor. Yes. -Yes. You're trembling. -You're trembling. I never danced before -- in public. -I never danced before -- in public. You dance splendidly. -You dance splendidly. I'm happy, Miss Flaemm. -I'm happy, Miss Flaemm. Really? -Really? For the first time in my life, I'm happy. -Please -- please! You don't like to see me enjoying myself. -Quick -- Mr. Kringelein. Oh -- what -- what -- -Oh -- oh, Miss Flaemmchen. It's you -- Quick -- something awful -- awful has happened. Go -- go at once, -- Mr. Preysing -- -Quick -- something awful -- awful has happened. Go -- go at once, -- Mr. Preysing -- Preysing? -What's the matter? Oh -- I was thinking -- Poor Baron -- Lying there, his eyes so open. -Oh -- I was thinking -- Poor Baron -- Lying there, his eyes so open. You loved the Baron, didn't you? -You loved the Baron, didn't you? Yes -- -Yes -- So did I. He was friendly to me as no man ever was. -So did I. He was friendly to me as no man ever was. Perhaps he really was a burglar -- But they don't kill a man for that. -Perhaps he really was a burglar -- But they don't kill a man for that. He was in desperate straits. He'd been trying to raise money all day. He laughed -- Poor devil! And then a man like Preysing kills him. -He was in desperate straits. He'd been trying to raise money all day. He laughed -- Poor devil! And then a man like Preysing kills him. I didn't like Preysing right off. -I didn't like Preysing right off. Then why did you have anything to do with him? -Then why did you have anything to do with him? Money! -Money! Yes, of course, -- money! -Yes, of course, -- money! You don't understand that do you? -You don't understand that do you? Of course I do -- I never knew what money really meant till I started spending it. Do you know -- I can hardly believe that anything so beautiful should come to me from Preysing -- I'll take care of you. Will -- will you let me? -Of course I do -- I never knew what money really meant till I started spending it. Do you know -- I can hardly believe that anything so beautiful should come to me from Preysing -- I'll take care of you. Will -- will you let me? What? -What? You'll have a good time with me. Want to? I've got enough money. Ten thousand two hundred in my pocketbook. Three thousand four hundred that I won. It will last a long time. I can win more -- we'll travel. -You'll have a good time with me. Want to? I've got enough money. Ten thousand two hundred in my pocketbook. Three thousand four hundred that I won. It will last a long time. I can win more -- we'll travel. Yes -- to Paris? I wanted to go there always. -Yes -- to Paris? I wanted to go there always. Wherever you like. Here I'll give you the money I won, three thousand four hundred. Later you can have more. -Wherever you like. Here I'll give you the money I won, three thousand four hundred. Later you can have more. Later? -Later? When I -- I'm ill, Flaemmchen -- It will not be long -- I'll not last long. Will you stay with me until... -When I -- I'm ill, Flaemmchen -- It will not be long -- I'll not last long. Will you stay with me until... Nonsense! We'll find a great doctor, he'll cure you. They can cure anything these days. -Nonsense! We'll find a great doctor, he'll cure you. They can cure anything these days. Do you believe that you will have a better time with me than you would with Preysing? -Do you believe that you will have a better time with me than you would with Preysing? Oh yes, of course. -Oh yes, of course. Do you like me better? -Do you like me better? You're a good man, Mr. Kringelein -- a very good man. -Am I! Is the bill ready -- the lady's too? -How do you know there is a Grand Hotel? Oh, there must be one in Paris... They have everything in Paris. -What...! -- I'm the stenographer. -I'm the stenographer. Then you will please wait outside. -Moreover -- Moreover -- -Moreover... Moreover... -Do you work in Justice Zinnowitz' office? No -- only occasional jobs. -No -- only occasional jobs. Tired? -Tired? You pay me. -You pay me. You're a very unusual stenographer -- -You're a very unusual stenographer -- Moreover... -Moreover... Moreover... -I don't see why it's unusual for a stenographer to be pretty -- if she does her work well, -- seems so silly. I don't know why they don't like girls like me in offices. Personally, I hate offices -- I'd much rather be in the movies. Movies? -Movies? Yes, I photograph very well. Look -- -What is this? I got ten marks for that. -You... Me. -You... Moreover... -Moreover... What? -What? Only in mutual advantages -- moreover. -Only in mutual advantages -- moreover. What brown hands you have. -What brown hands you have. That's from skiing. -That's from skiing. Skiing? -Skiing? Yes... A man I know took me to Switzerland last month... -A man? -- To Switzerland? -- That must have been nice -- for him. Only in mutual advantages -- moreover... -Moreover... He was a lucky man -- that man. Perhaps. -Don't misunderstand me. I'm a married man -- with grownup daughters. Uh -- Moreover -- Do you mind if I smoke? I went to Florence once, too. -Moreover -- Do you mind if I smoke? I went to Florence once, too. With the same friend? -No. Moreover, the possibility of the successful termination of negotiations now pending with the Manchester Cotton Company... -Moreover, the possibility of the successful termination of negotiations now pending with the Manchester Cotton Company... Not too quickly. -Not too quickly. What? -What? You're a little too fast. -You're a little too fast. Can't you understand me? -Can't you understand me? I understand you perfectly. -I understand you perfectly. Have you got it now? -Have you got it now? Cotton Company -- -Cotton Company -- Should throw a great weight into the balance... -Should throw a great weight into the balance... ...weight into the balance... -How nice -- your daughters? My daughters -- yes, my daughters. -My daughters -- yes, my daughters. Is that Mrs. Preysing. -Is that Mrs. Preysing. Definitely off. -Definitely off. Oh -- too bad. Did you quarrel? -Oh -- too bad. Did you quarrel? That'll be all -- be here tomorrow at nine o'clock. -Miss Flaemm. Hello! -Hello! I must speak with you, Miss Flaemm. -I must speak with you, Miss Flaemm. Presently, Mr. Preysing. -Presently, Mr. Preysing. It's urgent. -Come and dance with me, Mr. Kringelein. I must speak to you, Miss Flaemm -- business. -I must speak to you, Miss Flaemm -- business. Tomorrow morning. -Tomorrow morning. No -- now. -No -- now. Do you gentlemen know each other, Mr. Kringelein -- Mr. Preysing -- Baron von Gaigern. -Now, children, no fighting -- save that for the office. Let's have our dance. I'll remember you, Mr. Kringelein. -Oh, yes, Mr. Preysing? Sit here. Cognac -- for you? -Sit here. Cognac -- for you? Nothing. -I'm going to keep an eye on that Kringelein fellow. I'll find out where he gets the money to hang around the Grand Hotel. Well -- you want me? -Well -- you want me? Yes. -Yes. Well? -Well? I must go to England -- at once. -I must go to England -- at once. Well? -Well? You see, I'd like to take a secretary with me for my correspondence and -- humm -- humm -- for company on the trip -- I'm nervous -- I need somebody -- I don't know if you quite understand me. You said you have travelled with gentlemen -- and I mean -- -You see, I'd like to take a secretary with me for my correspondence and -- humm -- humm -- for company on the trip -- I'm nervous -- I need somebody -- I don't know if you quite understand me. You said you have travelled with gentlemen -- and I mean -- I understand perfectly. -I understand perfectly. What do you think your salary would be -- for such a trip? -What do you think your salary would be -- for such a trip? Wait -- I must figure it up. First, I'll need -- clothes -- shoes -- it's cold in England in March, I'll need a suit... You'd want me to look nice? -Wait -- I must figure it up. First, I'll need -- clothes -- shoes -- it's cold in England in March, I'll need a suit... You'd want me to look nice? Of course -- of course. -Of course -- of course. A thousand marks -- -A thousand marks -- It's agreed -- I will get a room here for you. -Can you pay some attention to me? Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. Insolent young cub! -Insolent young cub! You mean Baron von Gaigern? -You mean Baron von Gaigern? Baron! -Baron! Well, he's a gentleman! -You are late. I've been waiting for you -- waiting. I had to arrange about the trip. -I had to arrange about the trip. You're sweet. -You're sweet. You think so? -Come here. Here, hold up! -Oh -- careful, Mr. Preysing. Call me -- do you know -- would you -- would you like to call me by my first name? -Call me -- do you know -- would you -- would you like to call me by my first name? Oh, no. -Oh, no. Why not? -Why not? I couldn't do that, you're a stranger to me. -I couldn't do that, you're a stranger to me. You're a funny little creature, Flaemmchen. I can't make you out. -You're a funny little creature, Flaemmchen. I can't make you out. It's not funny at all. One can't get intimate just off hand. I could go to England with you and everything like that -- supposing I met you next year and I said: 'How do you do, Mr. Preysing! And you said: 'That was the young lady who was my secretary in Manchester'. -And ask me what it's costing us to hammer it down. Exactly. -Exactly. If the Preysing people get the Manchester contract, we shall certainly merge with the Preysing company -- but if they haven't they're ruined -- Preysing will have to declare himself. -If the Preysing people get the Manchester contract, we shall certainly merge with the Preysing company -- but if they haven't they're ruined -- Preysing will have to declare himself. Shhh -- here he is now. -Oh -- ho -- you want legal aid against us? -- The whole thing seems to me to be very simple. Very simple -- I've always liked the way you dressed, Preysing -- English, isn't it? -What we want to know about is Manchester. Yes, Mr. Preysing -- that's what we want to know. -What? They turn out marvelous material in Manchester. -They turn out marvelous material in Manchester. Manchester -- yes. Yes, yes, they do. Yes -- Now gentlemen shall we begin at the beginning? -- Have we cigars -- water and everything? -There's a lot of business to be done with the Manchester Cotton Company. They've the whole English market right in their hands. Have you any connections with -- Manchester? We have a good many connections in England, naturally. -We have a good many connections in England, naturally. I mean with the Manchester people? -I mean with the Manchester people? We are here to discuss our merger. Naturally I can make no statement at this time. We must begin at the beginning. -We are here to discuss our merger. Naturally I can make no statement at this time. We must begin at the beginning. All right. -All right. Since, on the eleventh of June, this year -- when the first negotiations for a merger between our respective firms was entered into -- both parties have fully agreed that this merger can result only in mutual advantages. -Oh -- yes -- I beg your pardon! I'm laying before you the last general statement of our concern. Active capital, plant and machinery, raw material and finished product -- for instance -- mop rags -- -I'm laying before you the last general statement of our concern. Active capital, plant and machinery, raw material and finished product -- for instance -- mop rags -- Mop rags --! -I'd like to wait for Justice Zinnowitz, before I commit myself. Oh -- Preysing, Preysing -- -Oh -- Preysing, Preysing -- No water -- What a place! -No water -- What a place! All you have to do is phone for it. -Now to proceed with the projected merger, the advantages for the Saxonia are so obvious... Oh -- now let's talk like adults. You want to tell us now a along story of what your factory can do. We know all that you could tell us and if you tell the truth it wouldn't sound so good. When you first approached us... -Oh -- now let's talk like adults. You want to tell us now a along story of what your factory can do. We know all that you could tell us and if you tell the truth it wouldn't sound so good. When you first approached us... We did not approach you. -Tentative my foot -- a month before this your old father-in-law came very privately and scratched at my door. Scratched -- We did not take the initiative. -Scratched -- We did not take the initiative. Of course you took the initiative. -I know you did -- I said you did -- And I said we didn't. -Evil days -- I've shown you here -- -- my company exports to the Balkans alone, sixty-five thousand marks worth of mop rags a year. Mop rags -- mop rags -- we're interested in something quite different! -Mop rags -- mop rags -- we're interested in something quite different! What? -Sorry, Preysing. You've decided against the merger? -You've decided against the merger? Yes -- -Yes -- Then, it's all over? -Then, it's all over? Yes -- -Goodbye, Preysing, I hope you pull through. This is a very bad time to be in such a crisis. We've... Why talk -- it's over -- it's over -- it's finished. You've broken off negotiations. You did it. You're calling them off. You had nothing on your mind all day, but Manchester, -- Manchester -- Manchester. You don't suppose for one moment that I'm such a fool as not to have something that I could say definitely about Manchester. -Why talk -- it's over -- it's over -- it's finished. You've broken off negotiations. You did it. You're calling them off. You had nothing on your mind all day, but Manchester, -- Manchester -- Manchester. You don't suppose for one moment that I'm such a fool as not to have something that I could say definitely about Manchester. What? -What? Oh no -- no -- the session is over. Let's go, it's off. Thank you, gentlemen. -Oh no -- no -- the session is over. Let's go, it's off. Thank you, gentlemen. If you actually have news from Manchester then... -If you actually have news from Manchester then... Gentlemen, I am now free to announce... ...that the deal between my firm and the Manchester Cotton Company has been successfully negotiated. -Gentlemen, I am now free to announce... ...that the deal between my firm and the Manchester Cotton Company has been successfully negotiated. Preysing, you're joking with us. -I thought we'd suspended negotiations, gentlemen. Under these circumstances it's quite a different matter. -Under these circumstances it's quite a different matter. Under these circumstances we might refuse to sign. -See you soon, Preysing. Next week we'll meet and discuss further details. Next week. -How clear is Manchester? Foggy -- frightfully foggy, always, I'm told. Have you said anything about Manchester, Mr. Preysing? -Since, on the eleventh of June of this year -- when the first negotiations for a merger... Thank God we're beginning at the beginning. -Thank God we're beginning at the beginning. As you remember it -- when you approached us... -As you remember it -- when you approached us... We did not approach you. -...and let me say again for the tenth time... ...you people were quite ready for the merger. You declared yourselves... fully agreed on all the terms -- Why should the signing of these articles be suddenly held up? I've admitted that at one time we had reason for desiring ther merger -- What reason have we now? The Preysing Company has fallon upon evil days, very evil days. -Mr. Preysing has too scrupulous a regard for certainties... You've talked enough today, you're hoarse now. -Here's my signature -- here Preysing, sign here. What a session this has been. -Nine-thirty, Mr. Preysing keeps us waiting. He likes to play the great man. -Shall I tell them again? Why waste time -- it's getting late. -Why waste time -- it's getting late. You see -- what we are interested in -- -You see -- what we are interested in -- Ah, come on -- we're going home. -You're a deep one. In that case give us the articles. We'll sign at once. We know all the details... -Always the performance -- every day the performance -- time for the performance. I think, Suzette, I have never been so tired in my life. Veronal didn't even help me to sleep. Madam Grusinskaya's car is to be brought. -I can't dance tonight -- It will pass -- it will pass -- come. -It will pass -- it will pass -- come. Let us cancel the engagement. -Let us cancel the engagement. But, Madam. cannot do that. -But, Madam. cannot do that. Now is the time to cancel to stop entirely. I feel it -- everything tells me -- enough -- enough. -Mon Dieu -- the pearls -- if they were to break -- The pearls won't break -- they hold together and bring me bad luck ---- I hate them! -Orchids come again, Madam -- no card -- I think perhaps they are from the same young man -- he is at the end of the corridor -- tall -- he walks like a soldier -- Madam must have noticed how often he is in the elevator with us. Last night for instance -- Oh, Suzette -- Suzette -- Sshh -- quiet. -Ah, oui -- the car is here for Madam. Send it away -- I shan't need it. -Oh, come, Madam -- please come. All right, Suzette -- quickly -- hurry. -Good morning, Suzette. Good morning, Madam. -Madam has slept well? Oh, yes, Suzette. -Oh, yes, Suzette. Madam will dress now, it is late. -Madam will dress now, it is late. Five minutes, Suzette, come back in five minutes. I'll ring. -Five minutes, Suzette, come back in five minutes. I'll ring. Yes, madam Suzette knows all about it. -Madam should sleep. I've done my hair differently -- do you like that? -I've done my hair differently -- do you like that? When a lady falls in love she does her hair differently. -When a lady falls in love she does her hair differently. In the middle of the night -- those flowers make me think of a funeral. Laurels and tube-roses. Oh, think, Suzette -- the Villa and the sun at Tremezzo -- quiet -- simple -- happy -- we'll have a guest, Suzette. -In the middle of the night -- those flowers make me think of a funeral. Laurels and tube-roses. Oh, think, Suzette -- the Villa and the sun at Tremezzo -- quiet -- simple -- happy -- we'll have a guest, Suzette. Yes, Madam. And now Madam will sleep. It is not long 'till the train. -Yes, Madam. And now Madam will sleep. It is not long 'till the train. Goodnight, Suzette. -Madam, it is Mr. Meierheim -- he is waiting downstairs. Where is Pimenov? Where is Pimenov? -What is this that you have cancelled your car? Who am I that I should wait like a fool at the door? And here on a whim, you cancel your car. Have you forgotten there is a performance? Do you know the time? Or, are we all mad? Am I your manager?... Have we a contract? Have we obligations? Am I blind? ...Or is that the time? I'm cancelling the engagement. -I'm cancelling the engagement. Oh! -Oh! Madam is cancelling the engagement. Madam has chosen a funny time for such a funny joke. Ha, ha, ha -- hurry, come on. Tonight -- there's a line in front of the theatre since six o'clock. The house is jammed to the roof. The house is not full -- Is it really full? -The house is not full -- Is it really full? Packed to the ceiling. Hurry -- get dressed. And what an audience -- the French Ambassador -- American Millionaires -- Princess Ratzville -- er -- er -- -Packed to the ceiling. Hurry -- get dressed. And what an audience -- the French Ambassador -- American Millionaires -- Princess Ratzville -- er -- er -- Oh -- but it can't be. -Suzette -- I told you not to bring the pearls. I will not wear them tonight. Why not? -Why not? Take them back, Suzette. -Take them back, Suzette. You haven't time. -Hurry, Suzette. Such nonsense. -I suppose I can cancel the Vienna engagement. I wish to be alone. -I wish to be alone. You'll be very much alone, my dear madame. This is the end. -Come along, oh, Madam, come along. The train will be going. Wait a minute. I've got to ask myself. -Oh, the sun -- it will be sunny in Tremezzo -- Every seat for the opening has been sold at Vienna. Sold out for three days. -Every seat for the opening has been sold at Vienna. Sold out for three days. I know -- I know -- but it will be sunny in Tremezzo. We'll have a guest then. -It is time for the performance. The performance -- the performance -- the performance. -It is not stage fright -- it's something more -- What -- what is it? Last night... -What -- what is it? Last night... Last night?... There was no applause. -Last night?... There was no applause. There was -- there was. -There was -- there was. That theatre -- half empty -- dancing for those few -- I was frantic -- I finished -- the last beat and... ...I waited -- I listened -- but the applause didn't come -- nothing. A man in the box -- and just the claques behind -- it is passed, Pimenov. We are dead -- it's finished. -Good morning, Pimenov. Good morning, Gru -- your -- -Gru -- you are positively radiant. Yes, Pimenov. One minute, Suzette, I will call you. -He will be on the train. But when did he go? How do you know? -Mr. Kringelein will take room number one-seventy-six, one of our most expensive rooms. It is large and on the front with bath. Does that mean that the bath is my own? --- Private? -Does that mean that the bath is my own? --- Private? Certainly, sir. -Certainly, sir. Well, now, that's very kind -- thanks. That's what I want -- a large room on the front with a private bath -- Yes, that's what I want. I can pay now if you like. -Will Mr. Kringelein kindly register. Again? -Again? Please. -I wish you a very good evening, Mr. Preysing. You are staying here, too, Mr. Preysing? I don't know you. -I don't know you. Oh -- you must know me -- Kringelein at the plant. Assistant bookkeeper, building C, room twenty-three -- third floor. -Mr. Kringelein will be a good friend and not accept your invitation to dance. I could not think of not accepting. -I could not think of not accepting. You say that you are employed by us in Fredersdorf, and here you are in Berlin, indulging in diversions which ill befit your position and which are very much beyond your means -- Quite extraordinary, Mr. Kringelein, I think we will look into your books. -Well now, Miss Flaemm, we can talk. Some champagne, Miss Flaemm? -Some champagne, Miss Flaemm? You may go, Mr. Kringelein. -You may go, Mr. Kringelein. Does the world belong to you, Mr. Preysing? -Does the world belong to you, Mr. Preysing? What is this insolence? -What is this insolence? Do you think you have free license to be insulting? Believe me you have not. You think you're superior, but you're quite an ordinary man. -Do you think you have free license to be insulting? Believe me you have not. You think you're superior, but you're quite an ordinary man. Go away -- go away. -Who are you? -- An embezzler most likely. An embezzler -- you're going to take that back, right here in the presence of this young lady -- who do you think you're talking to? You think I'm dirt, if I'm dirt, you're a lot dirtier, Mr. Industrial Magnate Preysing. -An embezzler -- you're going to take that back, right here in the presence of this young lady -- who do you think you're talking to? You think I'm dirt, if I'm dirt, you're a lot dirtier, Mr. Industrial Magnate Preysing. You're discharged. -You're discharged. Me? -Me? Yes you -- shut your mouth -- get out -- you're discharged. -Oh -- the Baron -- the Baron. He tried to rob me -- he is dead -- -He tried to rob me -- he is dead -- My best friend -- poor, Baron -- dead -- just like that. -My best friend -- poor, Baron -- dead -- just like that. -- We must do something... --- We must do something... Yes, the police must be called. -Yes, the police must be called. No -- no -- wait -- the man was a burglar -- he was going to steal my money. -No -- no -- wait -- the man was a burglar -- he was going to steal my money. Oh, no -- no -- not the Baron. -Oh, no -- no -- not the Baron. Where is that girl -- she was working with him -- she enticed me into her room. -Where is that girl -- she was working with him -- she enticed me into her room. Her room -- oh -- I see, Mr. Preysing -- I understand, Mr. General Director Preysing. -Her room -- oh -- I see, Mr. Preysing -- I understand, Mr. General Director Preysing. I can answer for this, it was self- defense -- I can answer for this -- but that girl -- the scandal -- my wife -- my daughters, you know them? -I can answer for this, it was self- defense -- I can answer for this -- but that girl -- the scandal -- my wife -- my daughters, you know them? Yes, I know them -- -Yes, I know them -- The scandal -- we are men -- you -- you could take that affair of the young lady upon yourself -- take her and hold your tongue. Then you can travel -- I'll give you anything -- anything -- she was with you. -The scandal -- we are men -- you -- you could take that affair of the young lady upon yourself -- take her and hold your tongue. Then you can travel -- I'll give you anything -- anything -- she was with you. We must call the police, your excellency. -How much -- how much do you want -- you need money -- you have nothing. Don't worry about me, Mr. General Director Pryesing -- worry about yourself. There has been a murder -- this is room one sixty-four. -If you will wait one moment, sir. I won't wait -- I can't wait -- I waited three days before I got a room at all and what a room that is. -I won't wait -- I can't wait -- I waited three days before I got a room at all and what a room that is. It's a very nice room and inexpensive, sir. -It's a very nice room and inexpensive, sir. Did I say I wanted a cheap room to live in -- when I came here did I ask for a cheap room? Did I? -Just one moment, sir. No, I won't wait -- I can't -- Every day is precious -- every hour -- Every minute. -The gentleman is dissatisfied with room number five fifty-nine. I certainly have a complaint -- and a fair one. -We will wait. You are late. Hurry. -How is the house? Terrible. After this, no more ballets for me. Jazz -- Just jazz. -Terrible. After this, no more ballets for me. Jazz -- Just jazz. If the house is empty again, I don't know -- -If the house is empty again, I don't know -- When she gets her paint on and hears the music -- she'll be all right. I know these people. -What's the use of asking, Gru -- he is at the train -- He will be there. The troupe, the scenery, everything -- all on board, waiting. You have a rehearsal in Vienna tomorrow morning. Come, Madam, are you mad? -Four minutes past. Please come. Come, Lisaveta, he will be there -- he will be there. -Come, Lisaveta, he will be there -- he will be there. Madam Grusinskaya's car. -Ach! Here you are, Doctor Zinnowitz. Have I kept you waiting? -Have I kept you waiting? Waiting -- I'm waiting for news from Manchester. -Waiting -- I'm waiting for news from Manchester. No news yet? -No news yet? No. No word. -No. No word. Everything depends on the Manchester merger. -Everything depends on the Manchester merger. I know -- I know. -I know -- I know. I saw Gerstenkorn at lunch -- and as your lawyer I made it my business to broach the matter --- -No news from Manchester yet -- Do you think we ought to postpone the conference? Good heavens no. That'd create the very worst impression. You must be optimistic. You must convince them. You know as well as I do that the merger must go through. -Good heavens no. That'd create the very worst impression. You must be optimistic. You must convince them. You know as well as I do that the merger must go through. Yes -- the merger must go through -- But I am used to making my deals on a solid basis. I am not a liar. I am an honest business man -- a good husband and father -- I have a sense of honor -- I have nothing to conceal. I couldn't live happily otherwise. -Yes -- the merger must go through -- But I am used to making my deals on a solid basis. I am not a liar. I am an honest business man -- a good husband and father -- I have a sense of honor -- I have nothing to conceal. I couldn't live happily otherwise. Well, don't get excited about it. We agreed that the merger with the Saxonia people must go through. -Well, don't get excited about it. We agreed that the merger with the Saxonia people must go through. I want to dictate my statement for tomorrow. I can't speak without notes. I like to have things down before me in black and white. -I want to dictate my statement for tomorrow. I can't speak without notes. I like to have things down before me in black and white. I'll see you in the morning then, at the conference. Everything'll be all right, Preysing... Don't worry. Goodnight. -I'll see you in the morning then, at the conference. Everything'll be all right, Preysing... Don't worry. Goodnight. Good night. -Good morning, gentlemen -- I see the conference is already underway. Oh, here you are, Justice Zinnowitz -- I'm at cross-purposes with these gentlemen -- will you clear up the situation? -Oh, here you are, Justice Zinnowitz -- I'm at cross-purposes with these gentlemen -- will you clear up the situation? But the situation is perfectly clear, If you will allow me -- -I can make no statement about Manchester at this time. Well -- gentlemen. -Next week. You let me talk till I'm hoarse and you had Manchester sewed-up all the time. Why? -What's the matter with you? Bluff -- Bluff -- all bluff. -Bluff -- Bluff -- all bluff. What's bluff? -What's bluff? That. -That. "'Deal with Manchester definitely off! ""Preysing, oh -- I'd never have thought it of you." -"'Deal with Manchester definitely off! ""Preysing, oh -- I'd never have thought it of you." No one would have thought it of me. I've been getting rusty in Fredersdorf. Well, if bluff is what the world wants I guess I can put up as big a bluff as anyone. From now on... -No one would have thought it of me. I've been getting rusty in Fredersdorf. Well, if bluff is what the world wants I guess I can put up as big a bluff as anyone. From now on... You must go to Manchester at once yourself and really see it through. -You must go to Manchester at once yourself and really see it through. Yes -- I must go to England -- I was desperate -- Now I don't care -- This sort of thing goes to a man's head. -Yes -- I must go to England -- I was desperate -- Now I don't care -- This sort of thing goes to a man's head. What you need is some relaxation. -What you need is some relaxation. Yes -- that's what I want -- I'd like to tear loose -- I'd like a drink. I'd like to go down to that dancing place. I'd like to start something. -Yes -- that's what I want -- I'd like to tear loose -- I'd like a drink. I'd like to go down to that dancing place. I'd like to start something. I can understand that -- after your -- uh -- -I can understand that -- after your -- uh -- Say it -- say it -- my lie -- it's the first time in thirty years that I've ever... Where's that stenographer? Miss Flaemm... -Say it -- say it -- my lie -- it's the first time in thirty years that I've ever... Where's that stenographer? Miss Flaemm... What do you want with her? -What do you want with her? I want to see her, I want to do some dictating -- report of the conference for my father-in-law. -I want to see her, I want to do some dictating -- report of the conference for my father-in-law. She had an engagement in the Yellow Room at five o'clock -- she was in a hurry. -She had an engagement in the Yellow Room at five o'clock -- she was in a hurry. Zinnowitz, would you say she was pretty? -Zinnowitz, would you say she was pretty? Pretty as a picture. -Pretty as a picture. Let's go down and find her -- I need a drink -- Come along Zinnowitz. I don't know anything about women -- been married for twenty-six years. -Let's go down and find her -- I need a drink -- Come along Zinnowitz. I don't know anything about women -- been married for twenty-six years. Bluff does it, Preysing, bluff does it. Goodnight. -Hi, Bobo. Did I buy you that dress, you piece of shit? -Well, I guess so. You're the guy I work for. You work for me, huh? Then I just may flush you down the toilet. Drive me to the Durando. -How'd you figure you were gonna get away with that? I'm not getting away with anything, Bobo. -I'm not getting away with anything, Bobo. You're fuckin right you're not. How much did your pals cut you in for on that nag, huh? Or did they give you the same kind of screwing you gave me? -You're fuckin right you're not. How much did your pals cut you in for on that nag, huh? Or did they give you the same kind of screwing you gave me? I was down on that horse, Bobo. Not as much as I should have been, but there was a lot of action on those-- -One question. Do you want to stick to that story, or do you want to keep your teeth? I want to keep my teeth. -I want to keep my teeth. Now I'll ask you another. You think I got no contacts out here? That nag paid off at just the opening price. There wasn't hardly a flutter on the tote board from the time the odds were posted. There ain't enough action to tickle the tote, but you claim a ten grand win! You send me ten thousand dollars, like I'm some mark you can blow off! -Now I'll ask you another. You think I got no contacts out here? That nag paid off at just the opening price. There wasn't hardly a flutter on the tote board from the time the odds were posted. There ain't enough action to tickle the tote, but you claim a ten grand win! You send me ten thousand dollars, like I'm some mark you can blow off! Bobo, no, I -- -Bobo, no, I -- You wanna talk to me straight up? -You wanna talk to me straight up? My son -- -My son -- Your what? -Your what? My son was in the hospital -- -My son was in the hospital -- What the fuck are you doin with a son? -What the fuck are you doin with a son? He left home a long time ago. He was in the hospital, up in Los Ang gleez, real sick. -He left home a long time ago. He was in the hospital, up in Los Ang gleez, real sick. Motherhood. -Motherhood. I never fucked up before, Bobo. -I never fucked up before, Bobo. You expect me to buy this? -I got a lot of people work for me, Lilly. I can't have shit like this. It'll never happen again. I swear. -It'll never happen again. I swear. It happened once. With me, that's making a habit of it. -You're calling the shots. You got any kind of long coat in the car? Anything you can wear home over your clothes? -You got any kind of long coat in the car? Anything you can wear home over your clothes? No. -No. I'll loan you a raincoat. -You ever hear about the oranges? You mean, the insurance frammis? -You mean, the insurance frammis? Tell me about the oranges, Lilly. -You hit a person with the oranges in the towel, they get big, awful looking bruises, but they don't really get hurt, not if you do it right. It's for working scams against insurance companies. And if you do it wrong? -And if you do it wrong? It can louse up your insides. You can get puh, puh, puh... -It can louse up your insides. You can get puh, puh, puh... What's that, Lilly? -Permanent damage. You'll never shit right again. -Almost forgot. That ten grand of yours. It's in the envelope by the door. Oh, thanks, Bobo. -Oh, thanks, Bobo. You want a drink? -You want a drink? Gee, I better not, if it's okay. I still gotta drive back up to Los Ang-gleez. -Gee, I better not, if it's okay. I still gotta drive back up to Los Ang-gleez. See your son, huh? Well, that's nice. A side of you I didn't know, Lilly. -He's a good kid. A salesman. On the square, huh? And how are you making out these days? Stealing much? -Not skimming a thing, Lilly? Oh, well, you know. I just clip a buck here and a buck there. Not enough to notice. -Oh, well, you know. I just clip a buck here and a buck there. Not enough to notice. That's right. Take a little, leave a little. -That's right. Take a little, leave a little. A person that don't look out for himself is too dumb to look out for anybody else. He's a liability, right, Bobo? -A person that don't look out for himself is too dumb to look out for anybody else. He's a liability, right, Bobo? You're a thousand percent right! -You're a thousand percent right! Or else he's working an angle. If he doesn't steal a little, he's steeling big. -Or else he's working an angle. If he doesn't steal a little, he's steeling big. You know it, Lilly. -You know it, Lilly. You know, I like that suit, Bobo. I don't know what there is about it, but it somehow makes you look taller. -You know, I like that suit, Bobo. I don't know what there is about it, but it somehow makes you look taller. Yeah? You really think so? A lot of people been telling me the same thing. -Yeah? You really think so? A lot of people been telling me the same thing. Well, you can tell them I said they're right. I better get going. Roy'll wonder where I am. -Well, you can tell them I said they're right. I better get going. Roy'll wonder where I am. Worries about his mother, eh? Give him a hug for me. -Worries about his mother, eh? Give him a hug for me. I will. So long, Bobo. -Your kid's in the back here. He's crying. Roy? He's always crying. -Roy? He's always crying. The kids beat him up, because his home life is, uh, different. -The kids beat him up, because his home life is, uh, different. I like you, too. -Come on, kid, let's see if there's any food in the house. Hah. -Evening. Welcome to Phoenix. Good evening. I'd like a single for tonight. -Good evening. I'd like a single for tonight. Oh, everything's the same size, same price. -I'm a very light sleeper, traffic noise keeps me wide awake all night. Those trucks. I know exactly what you mean. -Those trucks. I know exactly what you mean. Do you have something around back, facing away from the road? -I'll put you in one thirty-one. Very quiet. Faces the desert. Sounds perfect. I can park my car back there? -Sounds perfect. I can park my car back there? Right in front of the room. -Right in front of the room. Fine. -And I'll want to leave an early wake-up call. No problem. My husband gets up the crack of dawn. It's his kidneys. -Mary Beth, what we have here, uh... Oh, I told Mister Hebbing all about it, how brilliant you are at making money for your special clients! -Oh, I told Mister Hebbing all about it, how brilliant you are at making money for your special clients! Mary Beth, I hope you aren't spreading this good news too widely. -Mary Beth, I hope you aren't spreading this good news too widely. Well, of course not! I know how dangerous this is. But I would trust Mister Hebbing with anything. Wouldn't I, darling? -Well, I'll have to take your word for it, Mary Beth. Here's your money. Goody! -Henry, next time, couldn't Mister Hebbing -- Mary Beth! This has never been anything but -- -Mary Beth! This has never been anything but -- Oh, I know, I know, and you've been wonderful since I was widowed. But Mister Hebbing has-- -- you don't mind my telling him, darling -- -- suffered reverses. If he could... -Well. If Mary Beth vouches for you, and if she told you the story already... So here we are! -So here we are! Mister Hebbing, we are talking about breaking the law here, I want to be sure you understand that. No one gets hurt, but the law does get broken. -Want a look? Oh, Henry, no, that's just boring. -Come take a look. An entire-suite of main-frame computer. We're not really interested, Henry. -You ruined me! You destroyed me! Henry, no! -Cole, it'll be all right. Honey? Can't move. -Can't move. It's just the strain again, the stress. We'll take a vacation. -It's just the strain again, the stress. We'll take a vacation. It's all hollow. Nothing behind it. -Demon! Demon! That's why you can walk on it! Demon! Oh, Cole, please. Please come out of it. What would I do without you? -Well, that's what the law's for, isn't it? And I don't just mean the SEC. We could have the FBI breathing down our necks. -And I don't just mean the SEC. We could have the FBI breathing down our necks. I certainly hope not. -I certainly hope not. Loose talk is the one thing I worry about. -Loose talk is the one thing I worry about. I can keep my mouth shut, Mister Fellowes. -The Tokyo Exchange is nine hours ahead of us, New York one hour behind. There isn't one hour of the day when both are open. Information moves, but it has to wait. Now, we have a young fellow working here -- Do you know what a hacker is, Mister Hebbing? One of those computer geniuses, isn't it? -One of those computer geniuses, isn't it? You're right! And this boy tapped into that main link between Tokyo and the New York Stock Exchange. He can give us, when it's really useful, a seven second delay in that movement of information. Do you know what that means? -Well, you've got your information ahead of New York, I see that. Every once in a while, a major change comes through. We have seven seconds to take advantage, put our buy order, our sell order, into the computer in New York before the Tokyo data comes in. -Every once in a while, a major change comes through. We have seven seconds to take advantage, put our buy order, our sell order, into the computer in New York before the Tokyo data comes in. Not much time. -Not much time. We have to be ready. We have to have the money, and we have to know what the information means, and we have to move immediately. -We have to be ready. We have to have the money, and we have to know what the information means, and we have to move immediately. Seven seconds. I don't see how you do it. -Seven seconds. I don't see how you do it. These machines -- They're in here. -Here you are! Two rich people! I must admit, Mister Fellowes, I had moments I was worried. -I must admit, Mister Fellowes, I had moments I was worried. You brought a case? Good. -The ambulance is on the way, for what good it will do. What? He's going to be all right! -What? He's going to be all right! Mrs. Dillon, your son was in some sort of accident. He's had an internal hemorrhage, he's bleeding to death inside. -Mrs. Dillon, your son was in some sort of accident. He's had an internal hemorrhage, he's bleeding to death inside. Well, make it stop! -Well, make it stop! His blood pressure is under a hundred. I don't think he'll live to get to the hospital. -His blood pressure is under a hundred. I don't think he'll live to get to the hospital. You know who I work for. -Yes, yes, but that's -- My son will be all right. If he isn't, I'll have you killed. -Bobo wants you to go on to Delmar. Delmar? I never go out to California. That's a thousand miles from here. -Delmar? I never go out to California. That's a thousand miles from here. Nine hundred. Bobo needs somebody to handle playback this time. Come on, Lilly, you don't argue with Bobo. -Nine hundred. Bobo needs somebody to handle playback this time. Come on, Lilly, you don't argue with Bobo. I know. -I know. Take two, three days. Call when you get there. -Take two, three days. Call when you get there. Maybe I'll swing around Los Ang gleez on the way. -Mrs. Langtry, I'm sorry. Why? What's wrong? -Why? What's wrong? You are a valued customer, as you know. -You are a valued customer, as you know. But what's wrong? -But what's wrong? I can't understand a thing like this. It's something you almost never see. -I can't understand a thing like this. It's something you almost never see. What is? -What is? This is some of the finest filigreed platinum I've ever seen. But the stones, no. They're not diamonds, Mrs. Langtry. -This is some of the finest filigreed platinum I've ever seen. But the stones, no. They're not diamonds, Mrs. Langtry. But they must be! They cut glass! -But they must be! They cut glass! Glass will cut glass, Mrs. Langtry. Do you know where it was purchased? -It was a gift. It isn't worth anything at all? Why, of course it is. I can offer you -- well, five hundred dollars. -All right. I'll get you a check. -I hope you're not too badly disappointed with us, Mrs. Langtry. It's not your fault. -It's not your fault. You'll give us an opportunity to serve you again, I hope. If there's anything you think we might be interested in... -You'll give us an opportunity to serve you again, I hope. If there's anything you think we might be interested in... I have only one thing now. Are you interested? -I have only one thing now. Are you interested? Well, I'd have to see it, of course. -Well, I'd have to see it, of course. You are seeing it. You're looking right at it. -Whadaya say? Hello. -Kaggs. Home office. Roy Dillon. -Roy Dillon. I know that. Knew it when I saw you out there. The best salesman here, which isn't saying much. Want to talk to you, Dillon. -What's up? That was a pretty backhanded compliment. If I let people get away with things like that, I wouldn't be a good salesman. -That was a pretty backhanded compliment. If I let people get away with things like that, I wouldn't be a good salesman. You're right. I apologize. But I still want to talk to you. -You're right. I apologize. But I still want to talk to you. Lead on. -When I said you being the best salesman here didn't say much, I meant for us. I know your record with Sarber and Webb, and I'd say you're a top-flight man, but you've had no incentive. No one walking on your heels. Just a lot of half asses, so the tendency's been not to stretch yourself. I'm bouncing the slobs, incidentally. So I heard. -So I heard. Makes no difference to me if they're only on commission. If they don't make good money, they're not giving us good representation, and we can't afford to have them around. Ever supervise salesmen? -Makes no difference to me if they're only on commission. If they don't make good money, they're not giving us good representation, and we can't afford to have them around. Ever supervise salesmen? Just myself. -Just myself. That's right, you've had to supervise yourself. This place needs a sales manager. Somebody who's proved he's a salesman and can handle other salesmen. He'd have a lot of deadwood to clear out, new men to hire. What do you think? -Sounds like a good Idea. I don't know offhand what your best year's been, we can look it up. The idea is, we'll top it by fifteen percent. -What? Me? That's just the first year. If you aren't worth a lot more than that the second year, I'll kick you out. What do you say? -That's just the first year. If you aren't worth a lot more than that the second year, I'll kick you out. What do you say? Well, uh... No. -Well, uh... No. No? -No? I can't take that job! I mean, I mean, I can't take it right away. I'm still recuperating, I just dropped in to say hello, see everybody -- -I can't take that job! I mean, I mean, I can't take it right away. I'm still recuperating, I just dropped in to say hello, see everybody -- I didn't realize. Yeah, you do look a little pale. How soon will you be ready? A week? -I didn't realize. Yeah, you do look a little pale. How soon will you be ready? A week? But you need a man right now. It wouldn't be fair to you to -- -But you need a man right now. It wouldn't be fair to you to -- I take care of the being-fair-to-me department. Things've gone to hell this long, they can go a little longer. -I take care of the being-fair-to-me department. Things've gone to hell this long, they can go a little longer. Well... -See you in a week, Roy. I can call you Roy? Oh, sure. Fine. -And I'm Perk. Short for Percy, I'm afraid. Perk. -Good to have you back, Roy. I was just looking at -- Mr. Kaggs, I'm sorry. -Mr. Kaggs, I'm sorry. You're turning me down? Makes no sense, Roy. -You're turning me down? Makes no sense, Roy. I guess I'm just not a leader of men. -I guess I'm just not a leader of men. Oh, come on, Roy. -Oh, come on, Roy. The truth is, Mr. Kaggs -- -The truth is, Mr. Kaggs -- Perk, remember? -Perk, remember? Okay, fine. Perk, the truth is, I like things the way they are now. Pick my own hours, have time for, uh, other activities... -Okay, fine. Perk, the truth is, I like things the way they are now. Pick my own hours, have time for, uh, other activities... A well-rounded life. I respect that. But it has to have a center, Roy, something you care about, something you can think about. -A well-rounded life. I respect that. But it has to have a center, Roy, something you care about, something you can think about. Maybe I'm just not ready for that yet. -Maybe I'm just not ready for that yet. Well, Roy, if that's the way you feel, I won't badger you. Don't want to lose you as a salesman, too. -Well, Roy, if that's the way you feel, I won't badger you. Don't want to lose you as a salesman, too. Oh, I'd like to stay on. Just keep everything the way it was. -Oh, I'd like to stay on. Just keep everything the way it was. That's what we'll do, then. But I tell you what, Roy. Before I hire anybody else, I'll ask you one last time. Fair enough? -That's what we'll do, then. But I tell you what, Roy. Before I hire anybody else, I'll ask you one last time. Fair enough? Fair enough. -So what's your story today? They twisted my arm. -They twisted my arm. Only one arm? -They knocked out my tooth! Only one tooth? -Sure I am. What made you turn up, after all these years? I'm working down in San Diego. Just for a few weeks. Thought I'd drop in on my long-lost son. -I'm working down in San Diego. Just for a few weeks. Thought I'd drop in on my long-lost son. Nice to see you. What am I doing in here? -Well... You're all right now, I guess. I have to get down to the track. Thanks, uh, Lilly. -Thanks, uh, Lilly. Don't mention it. -Don't mention it. I guess I owe you my life. -I guess I owe you my life. You always did. -What happened to your hand? Just a little accident. I went by your place, picked up your mall. Just bills, I'll take care of them. -Just a little accident. I went by your place, picked up your mall. Just bills, I'll take care of them. I can take care of my own bills, Lilly. -I can take care of my own bills, Lilly. Whatever you say. The manager says your boss called. Really pulled the wool over everybody's eyes, huh? -Whatever you say. The manager says your boss called. Really pulled the wool over everybody's eyes, huh? What are you talking about? So I've got a job. So what? -What are you talking about? So I've got a job. So what? Stop kidding me! Four years in a town like Los Ang-gleez, and a peanut selling job is the best you can do? You expect me to believe that? -Stop kidding me! Four years in a town like Los Ang-gleez, and a peanut selling job is the best you can do? You expect me to believe that? It's there. The boss called, you said so yourself. -It's there. The boss called, you said so yourself. And that dump you live in! Those clown pictures on the walls! -I like those. You do not! Roy Dillon? Cornball clown pictures? Commission salesman? It's all a front, isn't it? You're on the grift, I know you are. You're working some angle, and don't tell me you're not because I wrote the book! -You do not! Roy Dillon? Cornball clown pictures? Commission salesman? It's all a front, isn't it? You're on the grift, I know you are. You're working some angle, and don't tell me you're not because I wrote the book! You're one to talk. Still running playback money for the mob. -You're one to talk. Still running playback money for the mob. That's me. That's who I am. You were never cut out for the rackets, Roy, and if you -- -That's me. That's who I am. You were never cut out for the rackets, Roy, and if you -- How come? -Not as tough as you, huh? No. And you have to be. -Up to you. My boss is a guy named Bobo Justus, back in Baltimore. When a long shot gets too much action, I have to put money on that horse at the track, because it's the only way to get the odds down. -My boss is a guy named Bobo Justus, back in Baltimore. When a long shot gets too much action, I have to put money on that horse at the track, because it's the only way to get the odds down. Sure. -Sure. The first day of the Delmar meet, there was a nag called Bluebell. I should have been on it. But that was the day after you came in here, so I stuck around to see how you were gonna be. -That was my choice, nothing to do with you. I took a chance, and it didn't work out. Bluebell came in? -Bluebell came in? I sent Bobo ten grand of my own money, like it was the winnings from my bets. I hoped that would cover me. It didn't. -Lucky? You call that lucky? He let me live. He let me be his friend. -You don't put up with that! Nobody has to put up with that! You do if you're where I am. Where you want to be. How'd you get that punch in the stomach, Roy? -I tripped over a chair. Get off the grift, Roy. -Get off the grift, Roy. Why? -Why? You don't have the stomach for it. -I just give you your life. What you do with it is up to you. That's right. -Roy! What are you doing in San Diego? Myra and me come down to LaJolla for the weekend. -If you come out to the track, don't know me. We won't hit the track. The beach. Couple a nice restaurants. -What's that? Four grand. For the hospital. Is that enough? -Four grand. For the hospital. Is that enough? Roy, I don't want money from you. -Roy, I don't want money from you. I pay my debts. -I pay my debts. You do? -Expecting visitors? No. That was the point. -You ought to put a bandage on that. No can do. Have to dip in and out of my bag too much. Besides, it'll heal in the air. -I thought... I was hoping we could play it straight with one another. I guess not. You'll be heading east from here, huh? -I guess not. You'll be heading east from here, huh? After the meet. Back to Baltimore. -After the meet. Back to Baltimore. Well... nice to see you again, Lilly. -Well... nice to see you again, Lilly. You, too, Roy. -Well, sure, Roy. You want me to drive up --? Okay, fine, come on down. It won't be a home-cooked meal, you know. Well, that's good news. -Going somewhere? Somewhere else, that's for sure. -Somewhere else, that's for sure. I just came back from Phoenix. -I just came back from Phoenix. Oh, yeah? Is the frame holding? -Oh, yeah? Is the frame holding? Looks very solid, Lilly. Sit down. Take a minute, tell me about it. -Looks very solid, Lilly. Sit down. Take a minute, tell me about it. I've really got to -- -I've really got to -- You're dead, Lilly, it worked. -You're dead, Lilly, it worked. Not for long. Not when they do a fingerprint check. -Not for long. Not when they do a fingerprint check. Why should they? The cops are satisfied. -Why should they? The cops are satisfied. Bobo won't be. He'll spend the money to make sure. -Bobo won't be. He'll spend the money to make sure. Even so. You still got time. Relax a minute, tell me what happened. Sit down. -Myra followed you, huh? She must have been the one that blew me off with Bobo. I guess to get me running. Did you tell her about my stash? -She must have been the one that blew me off with Bobo. I guess to get me running. Did you tell her about my stash? No. -No. No, you wouldn't. That's what she was after, though. But why hit on me? -No, you wouldn't. That's what she was after, though. But why hit on me? I wouldn't go in on a deal with her. She blamed you for it. -I wouldn't go in on a deal with her. She blamed you for it. As though you do what I say. -As though you do what I say. That's pretty funny, all right. What happened in Phoenix? -I sat in there with her, I thought, what do I do now? Run and I've got Bobo and the law after me. Stay, and how do I explain? This way's perfect. -It is, isn't it? And maybe it's a break for me after all. I've been wanting out of the racket for years, and now I'm out. I can make a clean start, and -- You've already made a start. Doesn't look that clean, though. -I'm sorry. I hated to take your money, but -- Don't be sorry. You're not taking it. -I need this, Roy. I can't run without money, and if I can't run I'm dead. You must have some money. -You must have some money. Just a few bucks. -Just a few bucks. And Myra's stuff? -And Myra's stuff? Her credit cards. How far am I gonna get with that? -Her credit cards. How far am I gonna get with that? Far enough. Maybe up to San Francisco. Or St. Louis, someplace new. Start over. -Far enough. Maybe up to San Francisco. Or St. Louis, someplace new. Start over. At what? -At what? You're smart, Lilly, and you're good-looking. You won't have any trouble finding a job. -You're smart, Lilly, and you're good-looking. You won't have any trouble finding a job. A job? I've never had a legit job in my life! -A job? I've never had a legit job in my life! Well, you're gonna start, if you hope to live through this. A square job and a quiet life. You start showing up at the track or the hot spots and Bobo's boys will be all over you. -Well, you're gonna start, if you hope to live through this. A square job and a quiet life. You start showing up at the track or the hot spots and Bobo's boys will be all over you. Roy, I know what to do with myself! It's a big world out there. -Roy, I know what to do with myself! It's a big world out there. Not any more. Lilly, listen, I'm giving you good advice. I'm following it myself. -Not any more. Lilly, listen, I'm giving you good advice. I'm following it myself. What? -What? I thought it over, and you were right. You wanted me out of the rackets, and now -- -I thought it over, and you were right. You wanted me out of the rackets, and now -- Roy, that's fine, but I don't have time for this. Bobo -- -Roy, that's fine, but I don't have time for this. Bobo -- I thought you'd be happy for me. After all, you -- -I thought you'd be happy for me. After all, you -- Bobo isn't after you! Bobo's after me, and he's goddamn good! But so am I. I'm a survivor, Roy. I survive. -Bobo isn't after you! Bobo's after me, and he's goddamn good! But so am I. I'm a survivor, Roy. I survive. I know you do, so that's why -- -I know you do, so that's why -- And to survive, my way, I need money. Bobo knows about the stash in the car, so I didn't dare touch it, not if Lilly Dillon's dead. So that leaves this. -And to survive, my way, I need money. Bobo knows about the stash in the car, so I didn't dare touch it, not if Lilly Dillon's dead. So that leaves this. No. -You want a drink? I don't think so. You probably shouldn't either. -I don't think so. You probably shouldn't either. No, but I'm goddamn thirsty. Ice water? -No, but I'm goddamn thirsty. Ice water? Yeah, sure, that sounds nice. -Yeah, sure, that sounds nice. I'll get it. -You don't know what I'd do, Roy. You have no idea. To live. Oh, you'll live, Lilly. -I know what's bugging you, of course. Oh? I didn't know anything was. -Oh? I didn't know anything was. Oh, really? You've got a legitimate complaint, Roy, I don't deny that. I wasn't a very good mother when you were a kid. -Oh, really? You've got a legitimate complaint, Roy, I don't deny that. I wasn't a very good mother when you were a kid. Not very good! -A bad mother. By any standards. I've thought about it, you know, from your side, since then. I know just how bad I was. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. I wonder did you ever think about it from my side. -I wonder did you ever think about it from my side. Never. -Never. No, I guess not. It was pretty lousy of me, I guess, to be a child at the same time you were. Not to stop being a child just because I had a child. I guess I was a real stinker not to be a grown-up when you needed a grown-up. -What do you want me to do? Pin a halo on you? You're doing a pretty good job of that yourself. And making you feel bad at the same time, huh? But that's the way I am, you know, the way I've always been. Always picking on poor little Roy. -And making you feel bad at the same time, huh? But that's the way I am, you know, the way I've always been. Always picking on poor little Roy. For God's sake, Lilly! -For God's sake, Lilly! I gave you your life twice. I'm asking you to give me mine once. I need the money. -I gave you your life twice. I'm asking you to give me mine once. I need the money. No. -You're getting off the grift? That's right. -That's right. That's good. You don't really belong on this side of the fence, you know. -That's good. You don't really belong on this side of the fence, you know. I don't? -I don't? If you stayed a crook, do you think you'd live to be my ripe age? -If you stayed a crook, do you think you'd live to be my ripe age? I don't see why not. -I don't see why not. Well, I guess I got it wrong, then. Seems to me I heard about a guy just your age that got hit so hard in the guts it almost killed him. -Well, uh... Sure, sure, that doesn't count. That's different. -Sure, sure, that doesn't count. That's different. Well, it doesn't matter, does it? I'm getting out. -Well, it doesn't matter, does it? I'm getting out. And that's why you've got to get rid of this money. If you keep it around, it'll just make you think how clever you are. It'll be a temptation to get back into the game. -And that's why you've got to get rid of this money. If you keep it around, it'll just make you think how clever you are. It'll be a temptation to get back into the game. Oh, that's it! You're stealing my money for my own good! How very motherly of you, Lilly. -If I should get out of the racket, that goes double for you. That's why you've got to change your life completely, go to some town, get a square job, live like a john yourself. If you try to do it your way, what future is in it? A future. The only future I've got. -A future. The only future I've got. That money wouldn't last forever. And then what? You'd be back in some other part of the rackets. Another Bobo Justus to slap you around and burn holes in your hands. This way, you've got to go the square route. You could send me a card when you're settled, I could maybe help out sometimes... -That money wouldn't last forever. And then what? You'd be back in some other part of the rackets. Another Bobo Justus to slap you around and burn holes in your hands. This way, you've got to go the square route. You could send me a card when you're settled, I could maybe help out sometimes... ) That's what it is, isn't it? Keep me down. Your turn to be in charge, have the power. -) That's what it is, isn't it? Keep me down. Your turn to be in charge, have the power. Just trying to help, Lilly. -Roy... What if I told you I wasn't really your mother? That we weren't related? What? -There's nothing more to talk about. I have to have that money, Roy. What do I have to do to get it? -Lilly, Jesus, what are you doing? Is there nothing I can do, Roy, nothing at -- -Is there nothing I can do, Roy, nothing at -- NO! -You heard the shower, didn't you? I don't care about that. This time, I gotta have the rent. -Joe, I thought I was gonna be all right by now, I just need a little more -- It isn't the owner, Myra, it's my wife. She knows what's going on. This time, I gotta have the money. -It isn't the owner, Myra, it's my wife. She knows what's going on. This time, I gotta have the money. Joe, you know you'll -- -Joe, could we talk it over? Do you want a drink? My wife sent me here, Myra. For the money. She's waiting. -My wife sent me here, Myra. For the money. She's waiting. I'll have it tonight. Nine o'clock? Ten? -I'll have it tonight. Nine o'clock? Ten? This time... -This time... We'll work something out, Joe. -I didn't teach you that. You taught me a lot. Then I invented. -Let me see how you did that one. Scram. Go home. -Scram. Go home. I can't. I just left home. -I can't. I just left home. You're too young. You should be in school. -You're too young. You should be in school. I am in school. -Where's the five? In your other hand. -Well, well. In a real hurry, are we? Always, for you, baby. -You aren't taking me for granted, are you? Taking you for granite? -That isn't granite. If that fell on me, it wouldn't hurt at all. Are you sure? -Are you sure? Let's find out. -Roy? Mm? -Mm? Look at me. -Look at me. Oh, I am, baby, believe me. -Oh, I am, baby, believe me. Roy? It this all we have? -Roy? It this all we have? All? It ain't bad. -All? It ain't bad. No more than this? -What are you talking abut, Myra? Marriage? I didn't say that. You aren't marriage material. -Ow! Hey, what are you trying to do, throw me off my game? No, baby. Come to Mama. -You were bleeding inside, honey. Remember that bruise you had? You called the doctor, huh? -You called the doctor, huh? Well, no, Roy. Your mother found you. -Well, no, Roy. Your mother found you. Oh, yeah? Thanks. How long do they say I'm in here? -Her job. I want to know everything about you. -I want to know everything about you. You do. And once I'm out of here, I'll remind you of the best parts. -I don't see why you're still here. You look healthy to me. I just do what the doctor says, babe. -I just do what the doctor says, babe. You're just comfortable, that's all. You don't even ask to go home. You just lie around, let your mama take care of you. -You're just comfortable, that's all. You don't even ask to go home. You just lie around, let your mama take care of you. Mama! -Mama! Who else is paying for all this? You badmouth the woman all the time, but you sure do take the payoffs she gives you. -Who else is paying for all this? You badmouth the woman all the time, but you sure do take the payoffs she gives you. I'll pay Lilly back, don't you worry about that. -I'll pay Lilly back, don't you worry about that. I don't like to come here, Roy. Every time I do, your mother comes in and makes remarks. -I don't like to come here, Roy. Every time I do, your mother comes in and makes remarks. That's just Lilly's way. -That's just Lilly's way. And you never defend me. You're afraid of her. -And you never defend me. You're afraid of her. Oh, don't be stupid. -Oh, don't be stupid. You're a mama's boy, if you want the truth. -Get well soon. Every day in every way. -Every day in every way. I'll see you when you get home. -I don't see why we have to take the train. Because it's comfortable. -What if we want to drive somewhere while we're there? We'll rent a car. -Big spender. You ain't seen nothin. -No. See you soon. -You were right, I had to get out of that hospital. Nothing wrong with me any more. I'll sign that affidavit. -I'll sign that affidavit. Great to get away, take it easy. Next week, I'll get back to work. -Great to get away, take it easy. Next week, I'll get back to work. You already went back to work. -You already went back to work. What? -What? I watched you. Working the tap on those soldier boys. -I watched you. Working the tap on those soldier boys. Working the what? -Working the what? Oh, come on, Roy. -The tap. What you do for a living. I'm a salesman. -I'm a salesman. You're on the grift. Same as me. -You're on the grift. Same as me. Myra, I'm not following this. -Myra, I'm not following this. Roy, you're a short-con operator. And a good one, I think. Don't talk to me like I'm another square. -You talk the lingo. What's your pitch? The long end. Big con. -The long end. Big con. Nobody does that single-o. -Nobody does that single-o. I was teamed ten years with the best in the business. Cole Langley. -I was teamed ten years with the best in the business. Cole Langley. I've heard the name. -I've heard the name. It was beautiful. And getting better all the time. -It was beautiful. And getting better all the time. Is that right? -Is that right? It is, Roy! And now, right now, it's the perfect time, the best time since I've been in the game. -He didn't think they were risks. He was so good, Roy, he could just play with the mark. And when he got serious? -And when he got serious? He'd explain he had to have cash, so there wouldn't be any paper trail for the SEC. And a lot of cash, or it wasn't worth while. The least we ever took was forty thousand, and the most was one hundred eighty-five thousand dollars! From one sucker! -He'd explain he had to have cash, so there wouldn't be any paper trail for the SEC. And a lot of cash, or it wasn't worth while. The least we ever took was forty thousand, and the most was one hundred eighty-five thousand dollars! From one sucker! I thought these people were broke. -I thought these people were broke. No, no, Roy, just cash poor. They had savings accounts, stocks to sell, houses to mortgage. Sell their wife's jewelry. Oh, they had a lot of money, when they put their minds to it. Or when I put their minds to it. I stayed with them, that's the roper's job, made them get up every penny they could raise, turn it all over to Cole. -No, no, Roy, just cash poor. They had savings accounts, stocks to sell, houses to mortgage. Sell their wife's jewelry. Oh, they had a lot of money, when they put their minds to it. Or when I put their minds to it. I stayed with them, that's the roper's job, made them get up every penny they could raise, turn it all over to Cole. And a month later, the sucker calls the cops and you're on the run. -And a month later, the sucker calls the cops and you're on the run. No no! He never calls the cops, not after we give him the blow-off. -No no! He never calls the cops, not after we give him the blow-off. Yeah? How? -Oh, Roy, it was great! We were rolling in dough, lived wherever we wanted, only pulled two or three scams a year. What happened to Cole? -What happened to Cole? He retired. -He retired. Where? -Where? Upstate. -Upstate. Upstate where? -Upstate where? Atascadero. -Atascadero. That's where they keep the criminally insane, isn't it? -I just bet you are, too. And now you're trying to rope me. Join up with you! I watched you, Roy, I've been watching you, wondering if I should talk about this at all, or maybe just... -Join up with you! I watched you, Roy, I've been watching you, wondering if I should talk about this at all, or maybe just... Take a hike, you mean? -Take a hike, you mean? I need a partner, Roy. I need an inside man, and you're it. You could be as wonderful as Cole. -I need a partner, Roy. I need an inside man, and you're it. You could be as wonderful as Cole. I don't know, Myra, I never had partners. I never needed them. -I don't know, Myra, I never had partners. I never needed them. Not to take soldiers for a hundred bucks. But how about taking a bank president for a hundred grand? -Think about it. Okay? Sure. -I still don't see why we have to have separate rooms. You expect your father to come through? Separate bathrooms, darling. I will not lay out all my cosmetics for you to knock over. -Separate bathrooms, darling. I will not lay out all my cosmetics for you to knock over. Things a man isn't supposed to know. -Things a man isn't supposed to know. You don't mind, really, do you, Roy? It's been such a wonderful evening, I guess I just wore myself out. -You don't mind, really, do you, Roy? It's been such a wonderful evening, I guess I just wore myself out. Sure. I'm pretty tired myself. -Yeah? Open your door. -Open your door. What? What for? -What? What for? Open it and find out. -You -- I don't know. ) If you could have seen your face when I told you good night! You looked so, so... Ah! -) If you could have seen your face when I told you good night! You looked so, so... Ah! Oh, come here. -You were gone for a while. I went out to Delmar. -I went out to Delmar. ) The track? Did you run into Lilly? -) The track? Did you run into Lilly? I saw her. -I saw her. She didn't see you, in other words. -She didn't see you, in other words. I'm not trying to make trouble, Roy. It's just, she's always so nasty to me, I thought, who is she to be so high and mighty. I saw her out there, and I called a friend of mine in Baltimore, so now I know who she is. -I'm not trying to make trouble, Roy. It's just, she's always so nasty to me, I thought, who is she to be so high and mighty. I saw her out there, and I called a friend of mine in Baltimore, so now I know who she is. You must have some very knowledgeable friends. -You must have some very knowledgeable friends. I'm well connected, Roy, Cole introduced me to a lot of people. Very valuable. Valuable for us. -I'm well connected, Roy, Cole introduced me to a lot of people. Very valuable. Valuable for us. Running your broker scam, you mean. -Running your broker scam, you mean. You and me, Roy. What a team we'll make. We think alike; we get along together. Once or twice a year we take some slob, the rest of the time we live like this. You won't regret this, Roy. -You and me, Roy. What a team we'll make. We think alike; we get along together. Once or twice a year we take some slob, the rest of the time we live like this. You won't regret this, Roy. Regret what? I didn't say I was coming aboard. -Regret what? I didn't say I was coming aboard. But why not? I thought it was settled. What's holding you back? -But why not? I thought it was settled. What's holding you back? Come on, Myra, don't talk business here. This is time out. -You mean, it would be too tough to give me a turndown here. Easier on home grounds. Yes or no. They're both easier at home. Okay? -And hello to you, too. I called a fellow I know in Tulsa, the one who plays my chauffeur. There's a sucker there he says is made for us. And a boroker that just shut down, we can use their office, not change a thing! Now, I can scrape up ten grand without much trouble. That leaves fifteen or twenty for your end. We could start this weekend, get the sucker into position -- -I called a fellow I know in Tulsa, the one who plays my chauffeur. There's a sucker there he says is made for us. And a boroker that just shut down, we can use their office, not change a thing! Now, I can scrape up ten grand without much trouble. That leaves fifteen or twenty for your end. We could start this weekend, get the sucker into position -- Wait a minute! When did this happen, that we're partners? -Wait a minute! When did this happen, that we're partners? What? -What? The last I looked, we were just talking things over. -The last I looked, we were just talking things over. But the setup's there. It's there now. -But the setup's there. It's there now. I don't think I need it. -I don't think I need it. You're too good for the small-time, Roy. Move up to where there's big dough to be made, and you don't have to stick your neck out every day. -You're too good for the small-time, Roy. Move up to where there's big dough to be made, and you don't have to stick your neck out every day. Maybe I like it where I am. -Don't I get any say in this? No! Because I -- -No! Because I -- That's what I say. -That's what I say. What? -What? What I say is, no. We don't do partners. -What I say is, no. We don't do partners. For Christ's sake, why not? -For Christ's sake, why not? Mostly, because you scare the shit out of me. I've seen people like you before, baby. Double-tough and sharp as they come, and you get what you want or else. But you don't make it work forever. -Mostly, because you scare the shit out of me. I've seen people like you before, baby. Double-tough and sharp as they come, and you get what you want or else. But you don't make it work forever. Bullshit! -Bullshit! No; history. Sooner or later, the lightning hits. I don't want to be around when it hits you. -What is it? What's going on? I'm happy the way I am. -I'm happy the way I am. By God, it's your mother. It's Lilly. -By God, it's your mother. It's Lilly. ) What? -) What? Sure it is. That's why you act so funny around each other. -What's that? Don't act so goddamned innocent! You and your own mother, gah! You like to go back where you been, huh? -You watch that mouth. I'm wise to you, I should have seen it before, you rotten son of a bitch. How is it, huh? How do you like -- -Roy Dillon? Yes? -Yes? Lieutenant Pierson, Phoenix police. I have a car here. -Lieutenant Pierson, Phoenix police. I have a car here. Thank you. -I realize this is a shock. Well, mostly, I don't believe it. -Well, mostly, I don't believe it. That's natural. -That's natural. No. I mean, I don't believe it. Lilly is not a suicide. I know my mother, nothing would make her check out. -No. I mean, I don't believe it. Lilly is not a suicide. I know my mother, nothing would make her check out. I'm sorry, it was her all right. Her gun, even. -I'm sorry, it was her all right. Her gun, even. Gun? -Gun? I grant you, it's a little odd, shoot yourself with a gun with a silencer on it, but it was hers, all right. It really is your mother, Mister Dillon. -I grant you, it's a little odd, shoot yourself with a gun with a silencer on it, but it was hers, all right. It really is your mother, Mister Dillon. It may be Lilly, but it isn't suicide. -It may be Lilly, but it isn't suicide. Do you have any particular reason to say that? -Do you have any particular reason to say that? My mother... Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. She worked for gamblers. She always knew they might turn on her some day. -My mother... Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. She worked for gamblers. She always knew they might turn on her some day. A hit, you mean. Honestly, it doesn't have that feel to it, but I'll certainly consider the possibility. Thank you for telling me. -Not that it matters. This is the morgue? You up to it now? -You up to it now? Sure. Let's get it over. -Sure. Let's get it over. One thing I have to caution you about. A gunshot wound... -One thing I have to caution you about. A gunshot wound... Yes, I know, I know. -Yes, I know, I know. Well, uh, you know, she ate the gun. -Well, uh, you know, she ate the gun. What? -What? I'm sorry, that's an unfortunate phrase, it slipped out, I'm, to tell you the truth, Mr. Dillon, this isn't an everyday occurrence around here. -I'm sorry, that's an unfortunate phrase, it slipped out, I'm, to tell you the truth, Mr. Dillon, this isn't an everyday occurrence around here. Ate the gun. Oh. -Ate the gun. Oh. Someone who knows her well could still identify her, that's not the problem. It's just there's, uh, it's likely to be a shock. -Someone who knows her well could still identify her, that's not the problem. It's just there's, uh, it's likely to be a shock. Well, let's get the shock over with. -Not many laughs in this room, eh? Not many. -Oh, Jesus. No question, huh? -No question, huh? No, its -- Why did she--? -That's that, then. Oh, yeah. That's that. -Mr. Simms. Why yes, Mr. Dillon. Here's a potential new neighbor, looking at-- -Why yes, Mr. Dillon. Here's a potential new neighbor, looking at-- Uh-huh. Mrs. Langtry may drop by. -Well, thank you. And thank them. Sickness comes to us all, Mister Dillon. -Sickness comes to us all, Mister Dillon. That's true, Mr. Simms. -That's true, Mr. Simms. We never know when and we never know why. We never know how. The only blessed thing we know is, it'll be at the most inconvenient and unexpected time. Just when you've got tickets to the World Series. And that's the way the permanent waves. -We never know when and we never know why. We never know how. The only blessed thing we know is, it'll be at the most inconvenient and unexpected time. Just when you've got tickets to the World Series. And that's the way the permanent waves. Well, I'm back now. I just wanted you to know. Gotta rush. -Well, I'm back now. I just wanted you to know. Gotta rush. Happy to see you looking so good. -No thanks, I'm not thirsty. It's for your cigarette. I prefer not to contaminate my crime scene with micropollutants. -Why am I here? They said on the phone you were assigned to the Meyers case. -They said on the phone you were assigned to the Meyers case. With all due respect, detective, you can't go blaming every brutal murder in Illinois on Michael Meyers. -With all due respect, detective, you can't go blaming every brutal murder in Illinois on Michael Meyers. Pamela Whittington was a long time associate of Dr. Loomis. Her home office was ransacked. It was chock full of Loomis' files on Meyers. It'd say that makes Meyers a suspect, wouldn't you? -Pamela Whittington was a long time associate of Dr. Loomis. Her home office was ransacked. It was chock full of Loomis' files on Meyers. It'd say that makes Meyers a suspect, wouldn't you? Well, when you put it that way. -Well, when you put it that way. Right. So why don't we get on with this investigation? -Right. So why don't we get on with this investigation? I like a woman who takes control. -One set of muddy shoe prints. That don't match either of the victim's. -Where, judging by the looks of the finger and palm prints, she struggles to open the window before banging on it like hell. Unable to escape, she turns and attacks the killer, but doesn't connect. -Unable to escape, she turns and attacks the killer, but doesn't connect. No blood on the knife. -The killer knocks the knife out of her hand with the wrought-iron poker. Broken blood vessels on her right forearm. -As which point she drops to her knees in pain... Explaining the low height of the blood splatter on the curtains... -Impressive, Blake. Where'd you learn how to do that? Girl scouts. -Carter. It's Blake. Meet me at Grand View. -It's Blake. Meet me at Grand View. Where? -Where? The cemetery... -The cemetery... Yeah, alright... I'll be there in ten. -You take all your dates here. Blake? Only the real stiffs. -Only the real stiffs. I can be real stiff. -I can be real stiff. Charming. -That's it? Care to join me? -Care to join me? Come on, Carter. You know it's Michael. -Come on, Carter. You know it's Michael. What do you want me to do, put out an A.P.B. on a man in overalls wearing a white mask dragging a headstone? -What do you want me to do, put out an A.P.B. on a man in overalls wearing a white mask dragging a headstone? Yes. -Yes. Sweet dreams, Blake. -Carter. It's Blake. How do you feel about Wisconsin? -We're sorry to startle you, Miss Tate. The door was open, so we let ourselves in. -Detective Carter from the Haddonfield P.D. Toni Blake from Langley P.D. -I'll be damned. Do I know you? -Mind if we sit down? I'd prefer you didn't. I'm very busy. -I'd prefer you didn't. I'm very busy. Okay, then how 'bout we ask you a few questions? -Okay, then how 'bout we ask you a few questions? Detective... -Detective... Carter. -Carter. ... I think it would be best if you both left. -... I think it would be best if you both left. Might want to stop and think about the safety of your students, Miss Tate. -Might want to stop and think about the safety of your students, Miss Tate. I never stop thinking about it, Detective. The only way in or out of this school is through that gate, and it is secured at all times. -I never stop thinking about it, Detective. The only way in or out of this school is through that gate, and it is secured at all times. Funny, we just drove right in. -Funny, we just drove right in. Well, I can assure you, it won't happen again. Thanks for your concern. Goodbye. -Bruce... what's going on? The kids are here to pick out their costumes for the festival. Better take 'em to Virgil's downtown. We got a dead body in there. -A dead body? It's Amy Kramer. -It's Amy Kramer. My god... -My god... Pretty messy. Parents have already been notified. Our office has been trying to get a hold of you... -Do you know who did this? Well, Eddie Catero didn't show up for work this morning... parents say he never came home last night. Car's still missing. -Well, Eddie Catero didn't show up for work this morning... parents say he never came home last night. Car's still missing. Think Eddie had something to do with it? -Think Eddie had something to do with it? Doesn't look good. -Besides, it's historically inaccurate. What the fuck are you talking about? -What the fuck are you talking about? Michael Meyers never used a meat cleaver. It was a butcher knife. -Michael Meyers never used a meat cleaver. It was a butcher knife. Who are you, the serial killer police? What difference does it make? -Who are you, the serial killer police? What difference does it make? It's not historically accurate, that's all. -Another historical inaccuracy. Would somebody shut this guy up? -Hey, Mis Whittington, what's up? My blood pleasure. You scared the hell out of me. -My blood pleasure. You scared the hell out of me. Oh. Sorry. I'm on my way to the ring and -- -Oh. Sorry. I'm on my way to the ring and -- I think someone broke into my house. -I think someone broke into my house. No shit?! -No shit?! No shit. -Jimmy, what are you doing? Checking out your place. -Checking out your place. No. Wait for the police. -No. Wait for the police. And miss the big game? No way. -Nothing to fear. The coast is clear. You sure? -You sure? Totally. I checked all the rooms and closets... -Totally. I checked all the rooms and closets... Nothing's missing? -Nothing's missing? Don't think so. But they sure did a real number on your office. Crap everywhere. -Don't think so. But they sure did a real number on your office. Crap everywhere. My office? -My office? Yeah. Oh, and they messed up your kitchen pretty good, too... Goodnight. -"Nothing's changed since yesterday, or last week, or last month... the answer's still ""no.""" You're so predictable. -What the -- Betcha' didn't predict that. -I'm sixteen, Keri. I should be able to live wherever I want. "And I should have a son who calls me ""Mom"". Looks like we're both shit out of luck." -"And I should have a son who calls me ""Mom"". Looks like we're both shit out of luck." Okay, you win. I'll call you Mom. Now can I move into the dorms? -Okay, you win. I'll call you Mom. Now can I move into the dorms? No. -Well, Dad thinks it's okay. You're father thinks it's okay to run off to Cancun with a blonde bimbo in a halter top. Somehow his opinion doesn't count. -You're father thinks it's okay to run off to Cancun with a blonde bimbo in a halter top. Somehow his opinion doesn't count. I promise not to run off to Cancun. -I promise not to run off to Cancun. Forget it. -Forget it. The dorms are only fifty feet away. You could practically see into my window. So, what difference does it make? -The dorms are only fifty feet away. You could practically see into my window. So, what difference does it make? My point exactly. See, we both agree. -Alright, I was wrong. There is a big difference between rooming with your buddies and living with your mother and school headmaster. I took the padlock off your door. What more do you want? -I took the padlock off your door. What more do you want? My life is a living hell. -Where are you going? To the bathroom. Can I do that alone or do you want to watch? -To the bathroom. Can I do that alone or do you want to watch? I thought you'd never ask. -You're twisted. I know. -Shit, John! What the hell were you doing out there?! Nothing. -Nothing. You're kidding with that answer, right? -You're kidding with that answer, right? I just went for a walk. It's no big deal. -I just went for a walk. It's no big deal. Wrong. There are rules in this house and you're going to follow them whether you like it or not. -Wrong. There are rules in this house and you're going to follow them whether you like it or not. Or what? You're gonna shoot me? -Or what? You're gonna shoot me? It's an option. -It's an option. Well, maybe if you'd let me live in the dorms, I wouldn't have to sneak out to spend time with my friends. -Well, maybe if you'd let me live in the dorms, I wouldn't have to sneak out to spend time with my friends. Oh, so now it's my fault? -Oh, so now it's my fault? Just forget it... -I'm sorry, alright? It was just a stupid joke. Will, sit down... -You some kind of fugitive or something? I was trying to get away from someone. -Now you're joking, right? Afraid not. You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. -Wait a minute... slow down... you're telling me Michael Meyers is my uncle? Yes. -Yes. Any other psychotic relatives I should know about? Jason? Freddy Krueger? -Any other psychotic relatives I should know about? Jason? Freddy Krueger? No. -No. Why didn't you tell me? -Why didn't you tell me? I was trying to protect you from this... -Where are you going? I don't know. -He found you, didn't he? Get on the bus. -Get on the bus. Where's Molly? She's not in her room... -Where's Molly? She's not in her room... Just get on the bus. -Just get on the bus. I'm not leaving without her. -I'm not leaving without her. John, you can't help her now. -John, you can't help her now. What? Where is she? -What? Where is she? John... -Oh, God... no... not Molly. Please, get on the bus... -Yeah, me too, Keri. Call me Laurie, will ya? -Call me Laurie, will ya? Keri.... Laurie... how about if I just call you Mom? -Keri.... Laurie... how about if I just call you Mom? That would work. -Shelve the barf bag. It's the key to the main gate. Where'd you get it? -Where'd you get it? Swiped it from my mom's desk yesterday. -Swiped it from my mom's desk yesterday. You stole it? -You stole it? I borrowed it. -Not me. Why not? -Why not? I can't afford to get caught. -Nah, I didn't tell her where I went. Is that all you guys can think about? Amy never came back last night. Maybe she's in trouble. -What are you doing here?! I came to see you. -I came to see you. I can see that. Why? -I can see that. Why? Can I come in? -Can I come in? Are you crazy? You'll get caught. -Are you crazy? You'll get caught. Then you come out here. -Then you come out here. Then I'll get caught. -Then I'll get caught. Well, I'm not going until I talk to you. -Well, I'm not going until I talk to you. Alright. I'll come out. Just be quiet. -You really think Eddie killed her? You saw that Michael Meyers display. You've got to be pretty twisted to come up with something like that. -You saw that Michael Meyers display. You've got to be pretty twisted to come up with something like that. I guess. It's just hard to believe. -You look kind of cold. I'm okay. -I'm okay. Here, take my jacket. -Better? Yeah. -Molly, of all the people... if I can't trust my resident assistant, then what? I know. I'm really, really sorry, Miss Tate. Please let me keep the job... it's the only way I can afford to stay here. -I know. I'm really, really sorry, Miss Tate. Please let me keep the job... it's the only way I can afford to stay here. Okay, tell you what... you can still be the school R.A., but no dance tomorrow night. -Okay, tell you what... you can still be the school R.A., but no dance tomorrow night. Okay... thank you. -Linda! He killed Linda! Who?! -Who?! Michael Meyers! -Aren't they doing a terrific job this year? Looks great. It does. -Looks great. It does. You okay? You seem a little off. -You okay? You seem a little off. Nothing a good stiff drink can't fix. -It's John, isn't it? It's always John. -It's always John. Still wants to move out? -Still wants to move out? He's been living out of moving boxes for three months. -He's been living out of moving boxes for three months. This kid just wants his freedom. -This kid just wants his freedom. It's not going to happen. -It's not going to happen. The tighter you squeeze, the harder he'll try to break free. -The tighter you squeeze, the harder he'll try to break free. Oh, please... you get that out of a fortune cookie? -Oh, please... you get that out of a fortune cookie? Doesn't make it bad advice. -I'm going into town... run a few errands before dark. Need anything? A box of fortune cookies... I'm running out of advice. -A box of fortune cookies... I'm running out of advice. Bye Will. -Hey, you alright? What? -What? What are you looking at? -What are you looking at? I'm fine. I just need to lie down... -There's something I have to tell you both. It's going to sound strange... What? -What? My name hasn't always been Keri Tate. It was once Laurie Strode. -My name hasn't always been Keri Tate. It was once Laurie Strode. You're right. It does sound strange. -Who? Michael Meyers. -Michael Meyers. The serial killer? -The serial killer? He's my brother. -No, Will, this isn't the alcohol talking. It's the truth. I can't believe this is happening. -I can't believe this is happening. Shit happens. -You just dropped a shitload on him... give him some time to digest it. Are you going to leave, too? -Are you going to leave, too? Never. -So you're really Michael Meyers' sister? Yeah. -Yeah. Do we have to invite him to the wedding? -Not a real fan of Halloween humor, Will. Oh, right. Sorry. -Oh, right. Sorry. I'm gonna head back to the office... finish up some things. -I'm gonna head back to the office... finish up some things. Can't it wait till Monday? I thought maybe we could dance... I'm very light of my feet. -Keri, you all right? We've got to get these kids out of here... -We've got to get these kids out of here... I'll make sure there's no kids left in the dorms... -Look, they're staring right at us. You think your mom knows we snuck out last night? -Wait. What is it? -What is it? I have to pee. -I have to pee. Can't you hold it? -Can't you hold it? Can't you? -You aced it, didn't you? I did alright. -Fuckin' A. He gave me a fuckin' A? Wow. -What's this? "You say, ""The key to my heart,"" and I'm gonna hurl." -Better her than me. You're unbelievable. -Ooooh, busted. Big time. And news travels fast. Wouldn't be surprised if the whole school knows about this one by tonight. -Shane's going as a condom. I thought you were allergic to latex. -I thought you were allergic to latex. I'll pop a Benadryl. -I'll pop a Benadryl. You think they'll let him in dressed like that? -You think they'll let him in dressed like that? Oh, they're so stupid... I'll just tell them he's going as a sausage casing. -BLAAAAAGGGHHHHH! Shit, Linda! -Shit, Linda! You're so easy... -You're so easy... Wasn't scaring the hell out of me once today enough?! -Wasn't scaring the hell out of me once today enough?! Nope. Hey, you think I'll win scariest costume? -Nope. Hey, you think I'll win scariest costume? Linda, you are without a doubt the scariest person on campus. -Linda, you are without a doubt the scariest person on campus. Thanks! -Thanks! Where's Shane? -Where's Shane? Condom Boy is waiting for me in the cafeteria. -Condom Boy is waiting for me in the cafeteria. But the dance is in the gymnasium. -But the dance is in the gymnasium. Very insightful. -Let the party begin. Have enough fun for the both of us. -Have enough fun for the both of us. Oh, don't be such a victim. -He do that to you? Another episode of 'Daddy Knows Best' at the Strode house. -Another episode of 'Daddy Knows Best' at the Strode house. Pig. What the hell happened this time? -Beth, who's that guy that lives across the hall from you? Why? You interested? -Why? You interested? No! I keep seeing him staring out his window. Watching me. -No! I keep seeing him staring out his window. Watching me. You mean Tommy. Yeah, on the weirdness scale he's about an eleven. Supposedly some scary shit happened to him when he was a kid. Messed up his head. He's harmless, though. Probably just lonely. -Mom -- Who is this? Kara? ... No, this is Beth. -Kara? ... No, this is Beth. What are you doing there? Where's my mother? -What are you doing there? Where's my mother? We were worried about you guys so we left early to see if you were -- -We were worried about you guys so we left early to see if you were -- Is Tim there? -Is Tim there? He's in the bathroom. -Hold on, hot lips. We got work to do. Shit, Beth, why do we have to be the ones to organnize this friggin' fair? It's only Halloween. -Whatever happened to women in back? Reality check, dillweed. This is 1995. -Happy fuckin' Halloween. Someone's trying to scare us out of having this fair ... and it's not gonna work. -Seven-thirty is the costume pageant ... Carving jack-o'-lanterns at eight ... Photos for the school paper at nine ... Then Harry lights the tree at nine- thirty ... I just know I'm forgetting something! Relax. Everything's cool. Didn't I tell you Harry would be here? -Jesus, that's my neighbor. Tommy. Isn't he that psycho who's been spying on my sister? -Isn't he that psycho who's been spying on my sister? Kara and Danny never showed up tonight. We'd better go home and check on them. There's nothing else for us to do here. -Kara and Danny never showed up tonight. We'd better go home and check on them. There's nothing else for us to do here. But they're gonna light the tree in a few minutes -- -But they're gonna light the tree in a few minutes -- We can light our own tree at home. -Guess they -- went to the fair after all. Guess so ... -What if your parents come home? Then they can watch. -Aren't you gonna answer that? Answer what? -Answer what? What if it's Kara? -Shh. Mommy's here. What is it? The voice man! He's here! -Home is here in Grandma and Grandpa's new house. At least while I'm in college. Remember our deal. The kids at school said this is a haunted house -- that a bad man used to live here. -The kids at school said this is a haunted house -- that a bad man used to live here. They did, did they? Since when did we start listening to the kids at school? -They did, did they? Since when did we start listening to the kids at school? But I've seen him! -But I've seen him! You've been watching too much TV. -You've been watching too much TV. He says things. Bad things. -He says things. Bad things. Like what? -No, Mom -- keep it on! Okay ... But just for tonight. -Mom, I want to go to the fair ... You can't expect us to stay here -- -Come on, Mom. We're gonna miss all the fun stuff! Danny, you're just going to have to wait! -Mommy, I'm scared. There's nothing to be scared of, baby. It's just another storm. Try to get some sleep. -There's nothing to be scared of, baby. It's just another storm. Try to get some sleep. I can't. The voice man is coming to get me. -I can't. The voice man is coming to get me. No one's coming to get you. Not while I'm around. -No one's coming to get you. Not while I'm around. Promise? -Promise? I promise. -Mommy!!! Danny!!! -Shitheads ... Defacing my property. I showed them ... Relax, John. They were just kids. -Relax, John. They were just kids. Kids are what's ruining this country. Everywhere you go, it's the same. No goddamn respect. -See what I'm talkin' about? You'll never pass that exam on an empty stomach, Kara. -What is it this time? A man came by the house. A psychiatrist by the name of Loomis. -He told me about the terrible things that happened here. In our house. What the fuck are you doing letting strangers in without -- -What the fuck are you doing letting strangers in without -- John, they sound Jamie Lloyd this morning! Someone tried to kill her! -John, they sound Jamie Lloyd this morning! Someone tried to kill her! What in God's name are you talking about, woman? When are you gonna stop listening to those damned talk shows? -What in God's name are you talking about, woman? When are you gonna stop listening to those damned talk shows? I'm getting the children out of here. At least until we know what we're dealing with. John, I want you to come with us. -I'm getting the children out of here. At least until we know what we're dealing with. John, I want you to come with us. Debra, you're fuckin' insane. -Debra, you're fuckin' insane. You knew, didn't you, John? You knew. -I've been knocking. The door was open. Is everything all right in here? Who are you? -Who are you? I've come to help your family. -He crept up these stairs and made his way into this room. His sister's room. Right here. Where it all began. What makes you think he'll come here again? -What makes you think he'll come here again? This house is sacred to him. It's the source of his memories -- his rage. Mrs. Strode, I beg you. Don't let your family suffer the same fast as Laurie and her daughter. -This house is sacred to him. It's the source of his memories -- his rage. Mrs. Strode, I beg you. Don't let your family suffer the same fast as Laurie and her daughter. Jamie? But I thought she was -- -Jamie? But I thought she was -- Found this morning. In a field outside Haddonfield. Stabbed. -What should I do? Lock the doors and call your husband. Get your family as far away from Haddonfield as possible. -Lock the doors and call your husband. Get your family as far away from Haddonfield as possible. God ... this can't be true. -God ... this can't be true. Mrs. Strode, Michael Myers is here to kill his family. And he won't stop until you are all destroyed. I only thank God that I found you before he did. -So they're trying to kill you and your baby. Don't tell me. Your name also happens to be Rosemary. No -- please listen! They're coming ... coming for me and my baby. -Come on, sweetheart -- what is this? Who's coming? It's ... Michael ... ... Michael Myers! -So they're trying to kill you and your baby. Don't tell me. Your name also happens to be Rosemary. No, please listen! They're coming ... coming for me and my baby. -No, please listen! They're coming ... coming for me and my baby. Come on, sweetheart -- what is this? Who's coming? -Come on, sweetheart -- what is this? Who's coming? It's ... Michael ... Michael Myers! -She wasn't here when I brought Danny home from -- Danny, go downstairs -- Now! -My, God! What have you done to him? I didn't -- He got in a fight and I -- -I didn't -- He got in a fight and I -- You stay away from him! -Do you know how insane this is? Who am I supposed to be looking for? Him. -God, what's wrong with him? Here. Let me try. -Kyle's mother might be dead for all I know. Now I'm afraid he could be next. Why would anyone want to kill an innocent baby? -Why would anyone want to kill an innocent baby? Not just Kyle. All of you. His entire family. Here. Look at this. -It was there when I found him this morning. It looks like some kind of letter or number or -- It's a rune ... Thorn. -Runes were a kind of early alphabet that originated in Northern Europe thousands of years ago. They were symbols -- carved out of stone or pieces of wood. Of all the runes, Thorn had the most negative influence. Cults used them in blood rituals to portend future events and invoke magic. Black magic ... 'In ancient times, Thorn was believed to cause sickness, famine and death. Translated literally, it was the name of a demon spirit that delivered human sacrifices ... on the Celtic celebration of Samhain.' -Black magic ... 'In ancient times, Thorn was believed to cause sickness, famine and death. Translated literally, it was the name of a demon spirit that delivered human sacrifices ... on the Celtic celebration of Samhain.' Halloween. -Halloween. 'When applied directly to another person, Thorn could be used to call upon them confusion and destruction -- to literally visit them with the Devil.' -Where are you going? To find the rest of your family before Michael Myers does -- or whoever's been controlling him. -Danny?! Danny! Mrs. Blankenship, have you seen the little boy who came in with me and -- -Where's the baby?! He's gone. -Danny! Danny, where are you?! Kara, no! -What now?! Wait a minute ... -Come on! It's not working! -Christ, what a night! Not even so much as a sign for five miles on that road! That's the whole idea of living in the country. I thrive on the seclusion. -Unlike you, Sam, I learned many years ago not to second-guess the motives of my fellow man. Remember what Freud said: 'Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.' Or, in this case, a drink is just a drink. I hope you didn't come all the way out here in this storm just to quote Freud. -I hope you didn't come all the way out here in this storm just to quote Freud. As always, your keen powers of perception astound me. And you're right. I've come to celebrate. After thirty-two years as Psychiatric Administrator, guess who has been named Smith's Groves new Chief of Staff. -As always, your keen powers of perception astound me. And you're right. I've come to celebrate. After thirty-two years as Psychiatric Administrator, guess who has been named Smith's Groves new Chief of Staff. But surely Rogers isn't -- -But surely Rogers isn't -- Retiring. -We need you, Dr. Loomis. You should know that it's not wise to play Halloween pranks on me. -You should know that it's not wise to play Halloween pranks on me. You're the only man for the job, Sam. Things haven't been the same since you left. I'm recruiting the best psychiatric team in the country. Old colleagues. This is your change to finally make a difference. -But with Rogers and his house of hacks gone, you'd make the rules. Just think it over. Please try to understand, Terence. I've already made up my mind. -It was her voice. On the radio. It was Jamie. Calling for me. You don't know that for sure. It could have been anyone. A practical joke. Kids. -You don't know that for sure. It could have been anyone. A practical joke. Kids. It was Jamie Lloyd. She came back, as I knew she would one day. And whatever has brought her back has brought Michael back as well. -It was Jamie Lloyd. She came back, as I knew she would one day. And whatever has brought her back has brought Michael back as well. After six years? Sam, she died with him in that explosion after the -- -After six years? Sam, she died with him in that explosion after the -- That's what someone wants us to believe, but I tell you Michael is alive. I feel him. I sense the evil that lives inside, just as I did all those years as I watched him. Sitting behind these very same walls. Staring. Growing stronger. As my colleague, as my friend, please. I can't go through this again. Not alone. I need your help to stop him. -Notify Haddonfield's sheriff; tell him we're on our way. I want the entire staff on alert. We go to code red lockdown for twenty-four hours. If he is alive, I plan on bringing him back. Or what's left of him. -What is that? It's a sign. He's come home. -Sam, don't -- let them take care of her. I'm here now, Jamie. You're going to live. You have to. -There you are. Who was that boy? An old friend. -There's more people moving eastbound down Old Reservoir Road past the elementary school. Any word on the location of the Strodes? -Any word on the location of the Strodes? No one's home. Checked it out myself. -No one's home. Checked it out myself. Good. I want around-the-clock surveillance on that house. -What's wrong? What's happened to Jamie? I'll meet you over there. -Where's the child? Sam, you know you never fail to amaze me. Yesterday happily retired, today right back in the thick of things. Somehow I knew you still had it in you. -Come now, Sam. This is a gathering of old friends. I know how difficult this must be for you -- a man of your upbringing and integrity -- but now that I'm in charge I felt it was only fair that you finally know the truth. After all, you're the only one around here who's still in the dark, as it were. This isn't the way I wanted to tell you, but you've really given me no other choice. This is madness, Wynn. -This is madness, Wynn. Your madness is another man's greatness. This is the way things have always been. You've just been too blinded by your own reality to see. But having you on the outside has been convenient for us in many ways. You always did come through -- our loyal watch dog. Finding him. Bringing him back to us once he'd finished his work. Although after you had that nasty stroke the last time, I had to go after him myself. And what a terrible time we had getting him out of that jail cell. -Your madness is another man's greatness. This is the way things have always been. You've just been too blinded by your own reality to see. But having you on the outside has been convenient for us in many ways. You always did come through -- our loyal watch dog. Finding him. Bringing him back to us once he'd finished his work. Although after you had that nasty stroke the last time, I had to go after him myself. And what a terrible time we had getting him out of that jail cell. It was you. -It was you. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. -Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Why did you take Jamie? -Why did you take Jamie? She has the gift -- the blood of Thorn running through her veins. Michael's mother had it, too. So for six years I incubated her, prepared her for this night. Michael has served his purpose. And soon we will have a new progeny. -She has the gift -- the blood of Thorn running through her veins. Michael's mother had it, too. So for six years I incubated her, prepared her for this night. Michael has served his purpose. And soon we will have a new progeny. Jamie's baby ... -Jamie's baby ... There you go trying to make sense again. It's a curse. Handed down through countless generations. As ageless as this celebration which you call Halloween. -There you go trying to make sense again. It's a curse. Handed down through countless generations. As ageless as this celebration which you call Halloween. Samhain. -Samhain. And I'm its deliverer. Its calling card, if you will. I follow it. Protect it. Act as its guardian. In a sense, Sam, so do you. -You've created a monster. Amazing, isn't it? I even taught him to drive. -No!!! Stay away, Sam. -Stay away, Sam. Leave the boy. Take me. -Yes? Dr. Loomis, thank God you're here. You heard her, didn't you? It was Jamie. -Dr. Loomis, thank God you're here. You heard her, didn't you? It was Jamie. I'm sorry, but do I know you -- -I'm sorry, but do I know you -- I'm Tommy. Tommy Doyle. Laurie Strode -- Jamie's mother -- she was baby-sitting for me that night -- -Yes ... Tommy. What are you doing here? Please -- just tell me the truth. Has Michael Myers come home? -What do you know about Michael? I know he's alive. People in this town -- they want us to believe he's dead. But I know. I've always known. -I know he's alive. People in this town -- they want us to believe he's dead. But I know. I've always known. Right now at least one girl is dead and Jamie Lloyd is in there fighting for her life. She is the last of his blood line. If she dies -- -Right now at least one girl is dead and Jamie Lloyd is in there fighting for her life. She is the last of his blood line. If she dies -- No, Dr. Loomis. She's not the last night. -Who else knew I had the baby?! No one. -No one. No -- there had to be someone else. Who knew?! -No -- there had to be someone else. Who knew?! Only me -- -- and Dr. Wynn. -Run, Tommy!!! Run!!! No!!! -Miss me, baby? I dunno, boy. -I dunno, boy. Hm? -Hm? It's a bitch. -It's a bitch. A bitch. -A bitch. Didn't recognize you. -Didn't recognize you. We've never met. -We've never met. I wonder who'll recognize us first? They'll wet their pants. -I wonder who'll recognize us first? They'll wet their pants. I hope the men do. I would rather the women didn't. -I hope the men do. I would rather the women didn't. I'm gonna wet my pants. -Home, sweet home. One thing, anyway--at least Penelope didn't throw out all your crap. I bet Alice threw out all my crap after I'd been gone a week. -One thing, anyway--at least Penelope didn't throw out all your crap. I bet Alice threw out all my crap after I'd been gone a week. We'll see. -It appears that we're going to have to wait awhile for any more action here, Colonel. Why don't you run on home while the evening's young. Home. Jesus. I'm like this. Home! -Home. Jesus. I'm like this. Home! Home is important to a man. -Home is important to a man. You know what gets me? -You know what gets me? No. -No. How all the magazines show tits today. -How all the magazines show tits today. Um. -Um. Used to be against the law, didn't it? -Used to be against the law, didn't it? I suppose. -I suppose. Must have changed that law. -Home. You know what gets me? -You know what gets me? Oh, shit. -Oh, shit. "How everybody says ""fuck"" and ""shit"" all the time. I used to be scared shitless I'd say ""fuck"" or ""shit"" in public, by accident. Now everybody says ""fuck"" and ""shit,"" ""fuck"" and ""shit"" all the time. Something very big must have happened while we were out of the country." -"How everybody says ""fuck"" and ""shit"" all the time. I used to be scared shitless I'd say ""fuck"" or ""shit"" in public, by accident. Now everybody says ""fuck"" and ""shit,"" ""fuck"" and ""shit"" all the time. Something very big must have happened while we were out of the country." Looseleaf--will you get the hell home? -Looseleaf--will you get the hell home? At least we found the diamonds. -At least we found the diamonds. At least! -At least! I'd really feel stupid if we didn't bring anything back home. -I'd really feel stupid if we didn't bring anything back home. It's enough that you've brought yourself home! -It's enough that you've brought yourself home! I wish you'd tell Alice that. And that Goddamn Mrs. Wheeler. -I wish you'd tell Alice that. And that Goddamn Mrs. Wheeler. Tell them yourself! -Tell them yourself! You don't know my mother-in-law, boy. -You don't know my mother-in-law, boy. After eight years in the jungle with you, I know Mrs. Wheeler better than I know anybody in the universe! -After eight years in the jungle with you, I know Mrs. Wheeler better than I know anybody in the universe! I didn't tell you everything. -I didn't tell you everything. The time we were in a tree for fourteen days, you certainly tried to tell me everything about Mrs. Wheeler. -The time we were in a tree for fourteen days, you certainly tried to tell me everything about Mrs. Wheeler. I didn't even scratch the surface. You're lucky, boy. You come home, and nobody's here. When I go home, everybody's going to be there. -I didn't even scratch the surface. You're lucky, boy. You come home, and nobody's here. When I go home, everybody's going to be there. This room is full of ghosts. -This room is full of ghosts. You're lucky, boy. My house is gonna be filled with people. -You know what gets me? Go home! -Go home! Thank God we found the fucking diamonds! -Thank God we found the fucking diamonds! The hell with the diamonds! -The hell with the diamonds! You were rich before. This is the first time I was ever rich. -You were rich before. This is the first time I was ever rich. Go home! Show them how rich you are for a change! -Go home! Show them how rich you are for a change! Can I have the Cadillac? -Can I have the Cadillac? Take the Cadillac and drive it off a cliff, for all I care. -Take the Cadillac and drive it off a cliff, for all I care. What'll you do for transportation? -What'll you do for transportation? I'll buy a hundred more Cadillacs. Go home! -I'll buy a hundred more Cadillacs. Go home! You know what gets me about that Cadillac? -You know what gets me about that Cadillac? Go home! -Go home! When I drive it, I feel like I'm in the middle of a great big wad of bubblegum. I don't hear anything, I don't feel anything. I figure somebody else is driving. It's a bitch. -When I drive it, I feel like I'm in the middle of a great big wad of bubblegum. I don't hear anything, I don't feel anything. I figure somebody else is driving. It's a bitch. Go home. -Go home. I'm liable to find anything! -I'm liable to find anything! That's the point! Walk in there and find whatever there is to find--before Alice can cover it up. -That's the point! Walk in there and find whatever there is to find--before Alice can cover it up. I know, I know. I dunno. At least she's in the same house. Sure was spooky, looking in the window there, and there she was. -I know, I know. I dunno. At least she's in the same house. Sure was spooky, looking in the window there, and there she was. So long, Colonel. -So long, Colonel. You know what gets me? -You know what gets me? Let's talk about it some other time. -Let's talk about it some other time. How short the skirts are. -How short the skirts are. Good night, Colonel. It's been beautiful. -Good night, Colonel. It's been beautiful. Something very important about sex must have happened while we were gone. -You know what gets me? Those guys who went to the moon! To the moon, boy! Leave me alone! After eight years of horrendously close association, the time has come to part! I crave solitude and time for reflection-- and then a reunion in privacy with my own flesh and blood. You and I may not meet again for months! -Leave me alone! After eight years of horrendously close association, the time has come to part! I crave solitude and time for reflection-- and then a reunion in privacy with my own flesh and blood. You and I may not meet again for months! Months? -Months? I'm certainly not going to come horning back into your life tomorrow, and I will not welcome your horning back into mine. A chapter has ended. We are old comrades--at a parting of the ways. -I'm certainly not going to come horning back into your life tomorrow, and I will not welcome your horning back into mine. A chapter has ended. We are old comrades--at a parting of the ways. I'm lonesome already. -I've been looking at motorcycles. Go home! -Go home! You ever own a motorcycle? -You ever own a motorcycle? You're right! We'll take a trip. A trip is what we'll take. I don't want to talk about motorcycles. I don't want to talk about tits. Go home! -You're right! We'll take a trip. A trip is what we'll take. I don't want to talk about motorcycles. I don't want to talk about tits. Go home! Haven't got one. -And how were things? Let's talk about something else. -Otherwise, how are things? I sure didn't expect her to drop dead. -Could have happened to anybody. First Nagasaki--now this. -First Nagasaki--now this. How about breakfast, wife? -I dunno, boy. The educational process. -The educational process. I guess. You're lucky you don't have any old people around here. -I guess. You're lucky you don't have any old people around here. She was about to get married again. She locked me out of the bedroom last night. -What's funny about that? You know me, boy. -Excuse me. One of them is the doctor, whose weapons are compassion, unselfishness, peacefulness-- maudlin concern. -One of them is the doctor, whose weapons are compassion, unselfishness, peacefulness-- maudlin concern. Huh. -Huh. He and his love are like a retiarius. Do you know what a retiarius is? -He and his love are like a retiarius. Do you know what a retiarius is? He's a kind of gladiator who fights with a knife and a net and doesn't wear anything but a jockstrap. -He's a kind of gladiator who fights with a knife and a net and doesn't wear anything but a jockstrap. How do you know that? -How do you know that? You told me. -You told me. When? -When? When we were up in the tree so long--with the bats. -When we were up in the tree so long--with the bats. Oh. I'd forgotten. -Oh. I'd forgotten. Fourteen times you told me. I counted. -Fourteen times you told me. I counted. Really? -Really? "You'd get this funny look in your eyes, and I'd say to myself, ""Oh, Jesus--he's going to tell me what a retiarius is again.""" -"You'd get this funny look in your eyes, and I'd say to myself, ""Oh, Jesus--he's going to tell me what a retiarius is again.""" Sorry. -Go to the funeral? Of course! Not only go to it but go to it in full uniform! Rent a uniform! -Of course! Not only go to it but go to it in full uniform! Rent a uniform! That's against the law, isn't it? I can't wear a uniform anymore. -That's against the law, isn't it? I can't wear a uniform anymore. Wear your uniform and every decoration, and let them despise you, if they dare. -Wear your uniform and every decoration, and let them despise you, if they dare. Alice would be absolutely tear-ass. -Alice would be absolutely tear-ass. When I was a naive young recruit in Spain, I used to wonder why soldiers bayoneted oil paintings, shot the noses off of statues and defecated into grand pianos. I now understand: It was to teach civilians the deepest sort of respect for men in uniform-- uncontrollable fear. To our women. -When I was a naive young recruit in Spain, I used to wonder why soldiers bayoneted oil paintings, shot the noses off of statues and defecated into grand pianos. I now understand: It was to teach civilians the deepest sort of respect for men in uniform-- uncontrollable fear. To our women. I didn't know we had any women left. -I didn't know we had any women left. The world is teeming with women-- ours to enjoy. -The world is teeming with women-- ours to enjoy. Every time I start thinking like that I get the clap. -I told you the uniform wouldn't help. It helped more than you know. Down deep, people were deeply affected. -It helped more than you know. Down deep, people were deeply affected. "You keep on saying ""deep"" and ""deeply."" I wish something good would happen on the surface sometime." -So, kid--how they hanging? Or don't you say that to a little kid? He's a man. Tell him you're a man. -Of course you'll go! You're going to fly the helicopter. I dunno. -I dunno. You're so low! Look at that beautiful red meat. You haven't touched it. -You're so low! Look at that beautiful red meat. You haven't touched it. Sorry. At least you've got a place to come back to. I don't have a place to come back to anymore. -Sorry. At least you've got a place to come back to. I don't have a place to come back to anymore. All the more reason to go to Africa. -All the more reason to go to Africa. I dunno. You know. I used to really love that Alice. Do you know that? -I dunno. You know. I used to really love that Alice. Do you know that? You know her for what she is now-- garbage. -You know her for what she is now-- garbage. I dunno. -I dunno. She was always a rotten wife! She was against everything manly you ever wanted to do. He was the most daring test pilot in the country at one time, and his wife made him quit. She made him become a life insurance salesman instead. -Hi, Penelope. Shut up, you ninny! You were never to come here again-- for any reason whatsoever! -Go live in a safe-deposit box--with your things. LOOSELEAF Jesus--I wouldn't want to be married to him. You know? What's this? -What's this? I wouldn't want to be married to me. We're too crazy. You know? -I wouldn't want to be married to me. We're too crazy. You know? In what way, pray tell? -In what way, pray tell? I didn't like that violin thing. That was sad. -I didn't like that violin thing. That was sad. Tit for tat--as simple as that. -Tit for tat--as simple as that. You never played a violin. -You never played a violin. You did? -You did? "Yeah. I practically forgot. But after you busted that thing, I got to thinking, ""Jesus--maybe I'll start the violin again."" That didn't just belong to Woodly. That belonged to everybody. Maybe he would have sold it to me, and I could have some fun. After you busted the violin, boy, and Penelope walked out, I thought to myself, ""Jesus--who could blame her?""" -"Yeah. I practically forgot. But after you busted that thing, I got to thinking, ""Jesus--maybe I'll start the violin again."" That didn't just belong to Woodly. That belonged to everybody. Maybe he would have sold it to me, and I could have some fun. After you busted the violin, boy, and Penelope walked out, I thought to myself, ""Jesus--who could blame her?""" Maybe it's time you got out. -Maybe it's time you got out. Me? -Me? You. -You. Okay. Okay. -Okay. Okay. You're an imbecile. -You're an imbecile. I know you think that. -I know you think that. Everybody thinks that. -Everybody thinks that. Anybody who'd drop an atom bomb on a city has to be pretty dumb. -Anybody who'd drop an atom bomb on a city has to be pretty dumb. The one direct, decisive, intelligent act of your life! -The one direct, decisive, intelligent act of your life! I don't think so. It could have been. -I don't think so. It could have been. If what? -If what? "If I hadn't done it. If I'd said to myself, ""Screw it. I'm going to let all those people down there live.""" -"If I hadn't done it. If I'd said to myself, ""Screw it. I'm going to let all those people down there live.""" They were enemies. We were at war. -They were enemies. We were at war. "Yeah, Jesus--but wars would be a lot better, I think, if guys would say to themselves sometimes, ""Jesus--I'm not going to do that to the enemy. That's too much."" You could have been the manufacturer of that violin there, even though you don't know how to make a violin, just by not busting it up. I could have been the father of all those people in Nagasaki, and the mother, too, just by not dropping the bomb. I sent 'em to Heaven instead--and I don't think there is one." -"Yeah, Jesus--but wars would be a lot better, I think, if guys would say to themselves sometimes, ""Jesus--I'm not going to do that to the enemy. That's too much."" You could have been the manufacturer of that violin there, even though you don't know how to make a violin, just by not busting it up. I could have been the father of all those people in Nagasaki, and the mother, too, just by not dropping the bomb. I sent 'em to Heaven instead--and I don't think there is one." Goodbye, Looseleaf. -Hello. How are you, honeybunch? -How are you, honeybunch? Is Penelope in? -Is Penelope in? The posies are for her? -The posies are for her? I wanted to apologize. -I wanted to apologize. You've come to the right man. -You've come to the right man. I forgot my vacuum cleaner. -I forgot my vacuum cleaner. I forget mine for years on end. -I forget mine for years on end. Oh my God-- And you are Looseleaf Harper. -I can't get over how you guys are my friends. Harold Ryan and Looseleaf Harper are my friends. Our pleasure. -Our pleasure. Eight years you guys were together-- through thick and thin. -Eight years you guys were together-- through thick and thin. For seven and a half of those years we were heavily drugged--or we would have been home long before now, believe me. We were saved from starvation by the Lupi-Loopo Indians, who fed us a strange blue soup. -For seven and a half of those years we were heavily drugged--or we would have been home long before now, believe me. We were saved from starvation by the Lupi-Loopo Indians, who fed us a strange blue soup. Blue soup. -Blue soup. It sapped our will--made us peaceful and unenterprising. It was a form of chemical castration. We became two more sleepy Indians. -Are we really going to find out where the elephants go to die? I'd rather go to Viet Nam. -I'd rather go to Viet Nam. Would somebody please pass me the catsup? -Would somebody please pass me the catsup? "What you say is, ""Pass the fucking catsup.""" -"What you say is, ""Pass the fucking catsup.""" Pass the fucking catsup. -Insurance! You actually sold insurance! -What an awful sound! Get used to it. Back door, Paul. -It's possible, of course, that you'll die in Africa. I've considered that. -I've considered that. Selling vacuum cleaners isn't the best preparation you could have. -Selling vacuum cleaners isn't the best preparation you could have. I just want one true adventure before I die. -I just want one true adventure before I die. That can be arranged. -Fifty years? You're making a joke. -You're making a joke. I'm interested in long-term expectations. -I'm interested in long-term expectations. It's engineered to last about fifteen years. -It's engineered to last about fifteen years. Things. Oh--you silly people and your things. Things, things, things. -If I were married to him, I sure wouldn't walk out. Never mind the condition of your body and your spirit! Look after your things, your things! -Who's going to fly our helicopter now? What? -What? We got to get another pilot. -We got to get another pilot. For what? -For what? For Africa. -For Africa. Do you really think that Harold Ryan would go to Africa with a vacuum cleaner salesman? -Do you really think that Harold Ryan would go to Africa with a vacuum cleaner salesman? You invited me. -You invited me. To make an ass of yourself. -To make an ass of yourself. What went wrong? -What went wrong? We're ahead of schedule, that's all. You're finding out here what you would have found out in Africa-- that you are a rabbit, born to be eaten alive. -We're ahead of schedule, that's all. You're finding out here what you would have found out in Africa-- that you are a rabbit, born to be eaten alive. Gee whiz-- -Gee whiz-- It would have been fun to see you drop your rifle and run the first time an elephant charged us. -It would have been fun to see you drop your rifle and run the first time an elephant charged us. I wouldn't drop my gun. -I wouldn't drop my gun. You're hollow, like a woman. -You're hollow, like a woman. I'm smarter than Looseleaf. -I'm smarter than Looseleaf. He can shoot! He can hold his ground! He can attack! You're in your proper profession right now-- sucking up dirt for frumpish housewives, closet drunkards every one. -He can shoot! He can hold his ground! He can attack! You're in your proper profession right now-- sucking up dirt for frumpish housewives, closet drunkards every one. How do you know how I'd act in Africa? -How do you know how I'd act in Africa? Look how you're acting now! This is a moment of truth, and you're almost crying. Slug me! -Look how you're acting now! This is a moment of truth, and you're almost crying. Slug me! You're my buddy. -You're my buddy. Out! Out! -Out! Out! No matter what you say to me, I still think you're the greatest guy I ever knew. -No matter what you say to me, I still think you're the greatest guy I ever knew. Out! -Out! You--you aren't going to have any friends left, if you don't watch out. -You--you aren't going to have any friends left, if you don't watch out. Thank God! -Anybody home? As a matter of fact-- -As a matter of fact-- Sir? -Sir? As a matter of fact--I am home. -As a matter of fact--I am home. Hello. -Hello. Hello. -Hello. Are you-- -You were about to ask a question? Are you--do you-- -Are you--do you-- Ask it! -Ask it! Do you know who Wanda June is? -Do you know who Wanda June is? Life has denied me that thrill. -Life has denied me that thrill. Do you mind if I ask who you are? -Do you mind if I ask who you are? Mind? God, yes, I mind. I'm your father's friend. A man claiming to be the family physician let me in a while ago. -Mind? God, yes, I mind. I'm your father's friend. A man claiming to be the family physician let me in a while ago. Dr. Woodly. -Dr. Woodly. Dr. Woodly. I should make a little list. -Dr. Woodly. I should make a little list. Is anybody besides you here now? -Is anybody besides you here now? The doctor was called away on an emergency. I think it was birth. -The doctor was called away on an emergency. I think it was birth. Where's Mom? -Where's Mom? You don't know where your mother is? Does she put on a short skirt and go drinking all night? -You don't know where your mother is? Does she put on a short skirt and go drinking all night? She went to the fight with Herb Shuttle, I guess. -She went to the fight with Herb Shuttle, I guess. You think you could find me a pencil and paper? -You think you could find me a pencil and paper? I'll see. -And you've been roaming the streets while your mother is God-knows-where? I was going to a funny movie, but I changed my mind. If you're depressed, laughing doesn't help much. When did you know my father? -I was going to a funny movie, but I changed my mind. If you're depressed, laughing doesn't help much. When did you know my father? Man and boy. -Man and boy. Everybody says he was so brave. -Everybody says he was so brave. "Even this--""Herb Shuttle"", you said?" -"Even this--""Herb Shuttle"", you said?" He worships Father. -He worships Father. Ah! And what sort of man is this worshiper? -Ah! And what sort of man is this worshiper? He's a vacuum cleaner salesman. -He's a vacuum cleaner salesman. I see. And he came into the apartment one day, to demonstrate his wares, and your mother, as it happened, was charmingly en deshabille-- -I see. And he came into the apartment one day, to demonstrate his wares, and your mother, as it happened, was charmingly en deshabille-- She met him at college. -She met him at college. College! -College! They were in the same creative writing class. -They were in the same creative writing class. College? -College? She has a master's degree in English literature. -She has a master's degree in English literature. What a pity! Educating a beautiful woman is like pouring honey into a fine Swiss watch. Everything stops. And the doctor? He worships your father, too? -What a pity! Educating a beautiful woman is like pouring honey into a fine Swiss watch. Everything stops. And the doctor? He worships your father, too? He insults him all the time. -He insults him all the time. Excellent! -Excellent! What's good about that? -What's good about that? It makes life spicy. -It makes life spicy. He doesn't do it in front of me, but he does it with Mother. You know what he called Father one time? -He doesn't do it in front of me, but he does it with Mother. You know what he called Father one time? No. -No. """Harold, the Patron Saint of Taxidermy.""" -"""Harold, the Patron Saint of Taxidermy.""" What does he do--of an athletic nature? -What does he do--of an athletic nature? Nothing. He plays a violin in a doctors' quartet. -Nothing. He plays a violin in a doctors' quartet. Aha! He has a brilliant military record, I'm sure. -Aha! He has a brilliant military record, I'm sure. He was a stretcher-bearer in the Korean War. Were you in a war with Father? -He was a stretcher-bearer in the Korean War. Were you in a war with Father? Big ones, little ones, teeny-weeny ones--just and otherwise. -Big ones, little ones, teeny-weeny ones--just and otherwise. Tell me some true stories about Dad. -Tell me some true stories about Dad. """Dad?"" Dad. The boy wants tales of derring-do. Name a country." -"""Dad?"" Dad. The boy wants tales of derring-do. Name a country." England? -England? Oh hell. -Oh hell. Dad was never in England? -Dad was never in England? "Behind a desk for a little while. A desk! They had him planning air raids. A city can't flee like a coward or fight like a man, and the choice between fleeing and fighting was at the core of the life of Harold Ryan. There was only one thing he enjoyed more than watching someone make that choice, and that was making the choice himself. Ask about Spain, where he was the youngest soldier in the Abraham Lincoln Brigade. He was a famous sniper. They called him ""La Picadura""--""the sting.""" -"Behind a desk for a little while. A desk! They had him planning air raids. A city can't flee like a coward or fight like a man, and the choice between fleeing and fighting was at the core of the life of Harold Ryan. There was only one thing he enjoyed more than watching someone make that choice, and that was making the choice himself. Ask about Spain, where he was the youngest soldier in the Abraham Lincoln Brigade. He was a famous sniper. They called him ""La Picadura""--""the sting.""" """The sting.""" -"""The sting.""" "As in ""Death, where is thy sting?"" He killed at least fifty men, wounded hundreds more." -"As in ""Death, where is thy sting?"" He killed at least fifty men, wounded hundreds more." """The sting.""" -"""The sting.""" Ask about the time he and I were parachuted into Yugoslavia to join a guerrilla band--in the war against the Nazis. -Ask about the time he and I were parachuted into Yugoslavia to join a guerrilla band--in the war against the Nazis. Tell me that. -Tell me that. I saw your father fight Major Siegfried von Konigswald, the Beast of Yugoslavia, hand to hand. -I saw your father fight Major Siegfried von Konigswald, the Beast of Yugoslavia, hand to hand. Tell me that! Tell me that! -Tell me that! Tell me that! Hid by day--fought by night. At sunset one day, your father and I, peering through field glasses, saw a black Mercedes draw up to a village inn. It was escorted by two motorcyclists and an armored car. Out of the Mercedes stepped one of the most hateful men in all of history--the Beast of Yugoslavia. -Hid by day--fought by night. At sunset one day, your father and I, peering through field glasses, saw a black Mercedes draw up to a village inn. It was escorted by two motorcyclists and an armored car. Out of the Mercedes stepped one of the most hateful men in all of history--the Beast of Yugoslavia. Wow. -Wow. We blacked our hands and faces. At midnight we crept out of the forest and into the village. The name of the village was Mhravitch. Remember that name! -We blacked our hands and faces. At midnight we crept out of the forest and into the village. The name of the village was Mhravitch. Remember that name! Mhravitch. -Mhravitch. We came up behind a sentry, and your father slit his throat before he could utter a sound. -We came up behind a sentry, and your father slit his throat before he could utter a sound. Uck. -Uck. Don't care for cold steel? A knife is worse than a bullet? -Don't care for cold steel? A knife is worse than a bullet? I don't know. -I don't know. The story gets hairier. Should I stop? -The story gets hairier. Should I stop? Go on. -Go on. We caught another Kraut alone in a back lane. Your father choked him to death with a length of piano wire. Your father was quite a virtuoso with piano wire. That's nicer than a knife, isn't it--as long as you don't look at the face afterwards. The face turns a curious shade of avocado. I must ask the doctor why that is. At any rate, we stole into the back of the inn, and, with the permission of the management, we poisoned the wine of six Krauts who were carousing there. -We caught another Kraut alone in a back lane. Your father choked him to death with a length of piano wire. Your father was quite a virtuoso with piano wire. That's nicer than a knife, isn't it--as long as you don't look at the face afterwards. The face turns a curious shade of avocado. I must ask the doctor why that is. At any rate, we stole into the back of the inn, and, with the permission of the management, we poisoned the wine of six Krauts who were carousing there. Where did you get the poison? -Where did you get the poison? We carried cyanide capsules. We were supposed to swallow them in case we were captured. It was your father's opinion that the Krauts needed them more than we did at the time. -We carried cyanide capsules. We were supposed to swallow them in case we were captured. It was your father's opinion that the Krauts needed them more than we did at the time. "And one of them was the Beast of Yugoslavia? HAROLD The Beast was upstairs, and he came running downstairs, for his men were making loud farewells and last wills and testaments--editorializing about the hospitality they had received. And your father said to him in perfect German, which he had learned in the Spanish Civil War, ""Major, something tragic seems to have happened to your bodyguard. I am Harold Ryan, of the United States of America. You, I believe, are the Beast of Yugoslavia.""" -Mhravitch. Remember that name. Mhravitch. -Mhravitch. The name will live forever. It was there that Harold Ryan slew the Beast of Yugoslavia. Mhravitch. -The name will live forever. It was there that Harold Ryan slew the Beast of Yugoslavia. Mhravitch. When I grow up, I'm going to go to Mhravitch. -When I grow up, I'm going to go to Mhravitch. It's rather a disappointment these days. It isn't there any more. -It's rather a disappointment these days. It isn't there any more. Sir? -Sir? The Germans shot everybody who lived there, then leveled it, plowed it, planted turnips and cabbages in the fertile ground. They wished revenge for the slaying of the Beast of Yugoslavia. To their twisted way of thinking, your father had butchered an Eagle Scout. Play lots of contact sports? -The Germans shot everybody who lived there, then leveled it, plowed it, planted turnips and cabbages in the fertile ground. They wished revenge for the slaying of the Beast of Yugoslavia. To their twisted way of thinking, your father had butchered an Eagle Scout. Play lots of contact sports? I wanted to go out for football, but Mom was afraid I'd get hurt. -I wanted to go out for football, but Mom was afraid I'd get hurt. You're supposed to get hurt! -You're supposed to get hurt! Dr. Woodly says he's seen hundreds of children permanently injured by football. He says that when there's a war, everybody goes but football players. -Dr. Woodly says he's seen hundreds of children permanently injured by football. He says that when there's a war, everybody goes but football players. Does it bother you to have your mother engaged to a man like that? -Does it bother you to have your mother engaged to a man like that? They're not engaged. -They're not engaged. He seems to think they are. He told me that were. -He seems to think they are. He told me that were. Oh no, no, no, no, no. It can't be. How embarrassing. -Oh no, no, no, no, no. It can't be. How embarrassing. You're a very good boy to respond that way. -You're a very good boy to respond that way. No, no, no, no, no. -No, no, no, no, no. I'd like to use the sanitary facilities, if I may. -I'd like to use the sanitary facilities, if I may. Go ahead. No, no, no, no. -Yes, wife, it is. Come here, boy. Your father is home. Sir? -Wants to fix up her makeup, no doubt. Is Looseleaf Harper alive? -Is Looseleaf Harper alive? Alive and hale. He's throwing a little surprise party for his own family. Is your mother often this unstable? Penelope! -Alive and hale. He's throwing a little surprise party for his own family. Is your mother often this unstable? Penelope! She's a real heavy sleeper sometimes. -She's a real heavy sleeper sometimes. Why don't you go to bed--son. -Why don't you go to bed--son. I can't take my eyes off you. -I can't take my eyes off you. Tomorrow's another day. PAUL You know what my English literature teacher said about you? -Tomorrow's another day. PAUL You know what my English literature teacher said about you? Can't it keep till morning? -Can't it keep till morning? "She said you were legendary. I wrote a theme about you, and she said, ""Your father is a legendary hero out of the Golden Age of Heroes.""" -"She said you were legendary. I wrote a theme about you, and she said, ""Your father is a legendary hero out of the Golden Age of Heroes.""" That's nice. You thank her for me. Go to bed and get lots of sleep, and then you thank her in the morning. -That's nice. You thank her for me. Go to bed and get lots of sleep, and then you thank her in the morning. Tomorrow's Saturday. Anyway, she's dead. -Tomorrow's Saturday. Anyway, she's dead. Penelope! -Penelope! She was killed in the park two months ago--in the daytime. -She was killed in the park two months ago--in the daytime. Penelope! -Penelope! She was on her way home from a meeting of the African Violet Society, and they got her. -She was on her way home from a meeting of the African Violet Society, and they got her. Will you go to bed? -Will you go to bed? Yes sir. If you can't wake Mom up, I've got double-decker bunks. -Yes sir. If you can't wake Mom up, I've got double-decker bunks. Scat! -Dad's got jungle fever, Mom. What'll I do? Mom! Damn. -Damn. Mom? -Play? Your mother and I do not wish to be disturbed for three full hours. -A hundred dollars! The smallest thing I've got. -The smallest thing I've got. Can I get dressed first? -Can I get dressed first? Make it fast. -Dad-- Couldn't you have vanished quietly out the back door? -Couldn't you have vanished quietly out the back door? A hundred dollars for breakfast? -A hundred dollars for breakfast? Leave a tip. -What kind of exercise? Beat the shit out of someone who hates you. -I'm a man. We've got to do something to make this boy's voice change. I wonder if we couldn't get bull balls somewhere, and fry 'em up. Still miss your mother? -We've got to do something to make this boy's voice change. I wonder if we couldn't get bull balls somewhere, and fry 'em up. Still miss your mother? No. -No. You're free to go to her, if you want. If you'd rather be a woman and run with the women, just say the word. -Dad? Who was it? -Who was it? It's Mom. -Mom? What's this? -What's this? Nothing. -Nothing. That's a rifle you have? -That's a rifle you have? No. -No. Of course it is. Is it loaded? -Of course it is. Is it loaded? No. -No. Open the bolt! -That's a cartridge, if I'm not mistaken. Gunpowder, bullet, cartridge case, and fulminate of mercury percussion cap--all set to go. PAUL I was cleaning it. Pick up that cartridge and slip it back into the chamber--where it belongs. -Pick up that cartridge and slip it back into the chamber--where it belongs. Gee whiz, Dad-- -Gee whiz, Dad-- Welcome to manhood, you little sparrowfart! Load that gun! -Welcome to manhood, you little sparrowfart! Load that gun! Dad-- -Dad-- Too late! It's man to man now. Protecting your mother from me, are you? Protect her!` -Then speak, by God! Can you fight with words? I don't want to fight you. -I don't want to fight you. Get mad! Tell me you don't like the way I treat your mother! Tell me you wish I'd never come home! -Get mad! Tell me you don't like the way I treat your mother! Tell me you wish I'd never come home! It's your house, Dad. -It's your house, Dad. Everybody simply evaporates! There are guest issues to be fought out here--or to be argued, at least. The enemy, the champion of all who oppose me, is in East St. Louis with his mother and his aunt! I have so far done battle with a woman and a child and a violin. -I don't know what I hope. But I don't think you care what I hope, anyway. You don't know me. You don't know her, either. I don't think you know anybody. You talk to everybody just the same. I'm talking to you gently now. -I'm talking to you gently now. Yeah. But it's going to get loud again. -How do you do. My name is Penelope Ryan. This is a simple-minded play about men who enjoy killing--and those who don't. I am Harold Ryan, her husband. I have killed perhaps two hundred men in wars of various sorts--as a professional soldier. I have killed thousands of other animals as well--for sport. -"""Hamburger Heaven.""" Heaven. -Can I help you, sir? I think so, daughter. How old are you? -I think so, daughter. How old are you? Eighteen-- and a half. -Eighteen-- and a half. A springbok, an oryx, a gemsbok--a gazelle. -A springbok, an oryx, a gemsbok--a gazelle. Sir? -Sir? Raw hamburger, please--and a whole onion. I want to eat the onion like an apple. Do you understand? -Raw hamburger, please--and a whole onion. I want to eat the onion like an apple. Do you understand? Yes, sir. It was a very unusual automobile. It was a Cadillac, but it had water buffalo horns where the bumpers should be. And what to drink? -Yes, sir. It was a very unusual automobile. It was a Cadillac, but it had water buffalo horns where the bumpers should be. And what to drink? What time do you get off work, my child? -What time do you get off work, my child? I'm sorry, sir, I'm engaged to be married. My boyfriend would be mad if I went out with another man. -I'm sorry, sir, I'm engaged to be married. My boyfriend would be mad if I went out with another man. Did you ever daydream that you would one day meet a friendly millionaire? -Did you ever daydream that you would one day meet a friendly millionaire? I'm engaged. -I'm engaged. Daughter--I love you very much. -Daughter--I love you very much. You don't even know me. -You don't even know me. You are woman. I know woman well. -You are woman. I know woman well. This is crazy. -This is crazy. Destiny often seems that way. You're going to marry me. -Destiny often seems that way. You're going to marry me. What do you do for a living? -What do you do for a living? My parents died in an automobile accident when I was sixteen years old. They left me a brewery and a baseball team--and other things. I live for a living. I've just come back from Kenya--in Africa. I've been hunting Mau Mau there. -My parents died in an automobile accident when I was sixteen years old. They left me a brewery and a baseball team--and other things. I live for a living. I've just come back from Kenya--in Africa. I've been hunting Mau Mau there. Some kind of animal? -Some kind of animal? The pelt is black. It's a kind of man. -How do you do? How do you do, Mrs. Ryan? I'd heard you were beautiful, and so you are. Am I intruding here? -How do you do, Mrs. Ryan? I'd heard you were beautiful, and so you are. Am I intruding here? Not at all. -Not at all. I couldn't help overhearing that you were about to get married again. -What's the matter? Give us time. -Give us time. Like hugging a lamp post. -Like hugging a lamp post. Give us time, Harold--to adjust to your being alive. -Give us time, Harold--to adjust to your being alive. You were well adjusted to my being dead? -You were well adjusted to my being dead? We adjust to what there is to adjust to. Perhaps Paul, being young, can adjust to joy or grief immediately. I hope he can. I will take a little longer. I'll be as quick as I can. -We adjust to what there is to adjust to. Perhaps Paul, being young, can adjust to joy or grief immediately. I hope he can. I will take a little longer. I'll be as quick as I can. What sort of time period do you have in mind? Half an hour? An hour? -What sort of time period do you have in mind? Half an hour? An hour? I don't know. This is a new disease to me. -I don't know. This is a new disease to me. Disease? -Disease? Situation. -Situation. This reunion isn't what I imagined it would be. -This reunion isn't what I imagined it would be. A telegram--a phone call might have helped. -A telegram--a phone call might have helped. Seemed the most honest way to begin life together again--natural, unrehearsed. -Seemed the most honest way to begin life together again--natural, unrehearsed. Well--enjoy the natural, honest, unrehearsed result--surgical shock. -Well--enjoy the natural, honest, unrehearsed result--surgical shock. You feel that you're behaving as a woman should? -You feel that you're behaving as a woman should? Every fuse in my nervous system has been blown. -Bluh. You'd better get Dr. Woodly. -What's that all about? We thought a doctor might help. -We thought a doctor might help. Your old beau? -Your old beau? We thought it was an emergency. -We thought it was an emergency. I don't want that chancre mechanic in here. -I don't want that chancre mechanic in here. He's a very decent man, Harold. -He's a very decent man, Harold. We all are. -We all are. Shouldn't you lie down? -Shouldn't you lie down? When I'm dead-- or fucking. -When I'm dead-- or fucking. Paul said you were awfully sick. -Paul said you were awfully sick. I was, I was. It never lasts long. -You know what I want? I want you both to be friends. I know you both, respect you both. You should be friends. Nothing would please me more. -Nothing would please me more. Thank God! -I'm so glad you like each other. I was so scared, so scared. Have some. -Harold! I could carve a better man out of a banana! -I could carve a better man out of a banana! Please-- -Please-- You and your damned bedside manner and your damned little black bag full of miracles. You know who filled that bag for you? Not Alice-sit-by-the-fires like yourself. Men with guts filled it, by God--men with guts enough to pay the price for miracles--suffering, ingratitude, loneliness, death-- -He doesn't deserve this! You don't know him. It isn't fair! He thought he could take my place. It is now my privilege to give an unambiguous account of why I don't think he's man enough to do that. -Awful. I can't tell you how sorry I am. Say hello to your mother. -Say hello to your mother. Do say hello to your mother. -Now that's what I call fun. Ghastly, cruel, unnecessary. -Ghastly, cruel, unnecessary. You'll get so you enjoy twitting weaklings again. You used to eat it up. -You'll get so you enjoy twitting weaklings again. You used to eat it up. I did? -I did? We were one hell of a pair--and we'll be one again. What we need is a honeymoon. Let's start right now. -We were one hell of a pair--and we'll be one again. What we need is a honeymoon. Let's start right now. A trip, you mean? -A trip, you mean? I had a trip. We'll honeymoon here. Go out and play. -He hasn't had breakfast yet. Buy yourself breakfast. There we go. -Honeymoon! Honeymoon! Say it: Honeymoon! It's so--so stark. -It's so--so stark. You used to like it stark! -You used to like it stark! Just--bang--we have a honeymoon. -Just--bang--we have a honeymoon. I'm not going to strike you. I am going to be as gentle as pie--as lemon meringue pie. You mustn't run away now. This is your loving husband approaching. I'm your husband. Society approves! -Now--turn around, if you would. Turn around? -Turn around? I'm not about to introduce to you a jungle novelty. What I have in mind is massage--a perfectly decent massage. Turn around, turn around. -I'm going to touch your shoulders very gently now. You mustn't scream. So tense, so tense. You shouldn't have talked to Norbert that way. -You shouldn't have talked to Norbert that way. You're thinking with your brain instead of your body. That's why you're so tense! Forget Norbert. Relax. It's body time. -You're thinking with your brain instead of your body. That's why you're so tense! Forget Norbert. Relax. It's body time. I have a brain. -I have a brain. We all do. But now it's body time. Relax. Ideally, the body of a woman should feel like a hot water bottle filled with Devonshire cream. You feel like a paper bag crammed with curtain rods. Think of your muscles one by one. Let them go slack. Relax. Let the brain go blank. Relax. That's the idea-- that's my girl. Now the small of the back. Let those knots over those kidneys unsnarl. -I have some change! Ram it up your ass! -Breakfast? Scrambled eggs, kippered herring, fried potatoes--and a whole onion. I want to eat the onion like an apple. Do you understand? -And lots of orange juice--oceans of orange juice. Mrs. Wheeler is dead. -Mrs. Wheeler is dead. All right--bring me a side order of Mrs. Wheeler. Oh, hell--sit down, Colonel. Penelope will bring you some chow. -All right--bring me a side order of Mrs. Wheeler. Oh, hell--sit down, Colonel. Penelope will bring you some chow. That is the most heartless statement I ever heard pass between human lips. -That is the most heartless statement I ever heard pass between human lips. Which one? -Which one? """Bring me a side order of Mrs. Wheeler.""" -"""Bring me a side order of Mrs. Wheeler.""" She's up in Heaven now. She didn't hear. She is experiencing nothing but pure happiness. There's nothing nicer than that. Chow! Harold Ryan wants chow! -She's up in Heaven now. She didn't hear. She is experiencing nothing but pure happiness. There's nothing nicer than that. Chow! Harold Ryan wants chow! What a honeymoon. -What a honeymoon. Honeymoon temporarily canceled. The boy should still go out and exercise. I have the impression he never gets any exercise. He simply bloats himself with Fig Newtons and bakes his brains over steam radiators. -Honeymoon temporarily canceled. The boy should still go out and exercise. I have the impression he never gets any exercise. He simply bloats himself with Fig Newtons and bakes his brains over steam radiators. You're wrong. -You're wrong. Then let me see him go out and get some exercise. Right now! -Chow, chow, chow! God damn it-- nutriment! We're all going to have to go out for breakfast. The cook quit yesterday. -We're all going to have to go out for breakfast. The cook quit yesterday. You're a woman, aren't you? -Cook, by God! Cook! You're the nigger now. People don't use that word any more. -People don't use that word any more. Don't lecture me on race relations. I don't have a molecule of prejudice. I've been in battle with every kind of man there is. I've been in bed with every kind of woman there is--from a Laplander to a Tierra del Fuegian. If I'd ever been to the South Pole, there'd be a hell of a lot of penguins who looked like me. Cook! -Don't lecture me on race relations. I don't have a molecule of prejudice. I've been in battle with every kind of man there is. I've been in bed with every kind of woman there is--from a Laplander to a Tierra del Fuegian. If I'd ever been to the South Pole, there'd be a hell of a lot of penguins who looked like me. Cook! You leave me so--so without-- without dignity. -You leave me so--so without-- without dignity. People now have dignity when frying eggs? -People now have dignity when frying eggs? They don't have to feel like slaves. -They don't have to feel like slaves. Then go now--and fry with dignity-- sunnyside up. -I should have torn that door off its hinges. Should have scrogged her ears off. Should have broken the bed. What do you want? Well? I--I was wondering--is there anything you shouldn't eat--because of jungle fever? -I--I was wondering--is there anything you shouldn't eat--because of jungle fever? I could eat a raw baby crocodile. The way to get your wife back is in bed. Do such a job on her that she'll be lucky if she can crawl around on all fours. We're starving. Do you mind? -Let me guess--breakfast is served? No. -No. What then? -What then? I do not wish to be scrogged--ever. I never heard that word, but when I heard it, I knew it was one thing I never wanted to have happen to me. -I do not wish to be scrogged--ever. I never heard that word, but when I heard it, I knew it was one thing I never wanted to have happen to me. That's what you're supposed to say. -That's what you're supposed to say. This is not a coy deception. I do not want to be scrogged. I want love. I want tenderness. -This is not a coy deception. I do not want to be scrogged. I want love. I want tenderness. You don't know you want. That's the way God built you! -You don't know you want. That's the way God built you! I will not be scrogged. I remember one time I saw you wrench a hook from the throat of a fish with a pair of pliers, and you promised me that the fish couldn't feel. -I will not be scrogged. I remember one time I saw you wrench a hook from the throat of a fish with a pair of pliers, and you promised me that the fish couldn't feel. It couldn't! -It couldn't! I'd like to have the expert opinion of the fish--along with yours. -I'd like to have the expert opinion of the fish--along with yours. Fish can't feel. -Fish can't feel. Well, I can. Some injuries, spiritual or physical, can be excruciating to me. I'm not a silly carhop any more. Maybe you're right about fish. When I was a carhop, I didn't feel much more than a fish would. But I've been sensitized. I have ideas now--and solid information. I know a lot more now--and a lot of it has to do with you. -Well, I can. Some injuries, spiritual or physical, can be excruciating to me. I'm not a silly carhop any more. Maybe you're right about fish. When I was a carhop, I didn't feel much more than a fish would. But I've been sensitized. I have ideas now--and solid information. I know a lot more now--and a lot of it has to do with you. Such as?... -Such as?... The whole concept of heroism--and its sexual roots. -The whole concept of heroism--and its sexual roots. Tell me about its sexual roots. -Tell me about its sexual roots. It's complicated and I don't want to go into it now, because it's bound to sound insulting--even though nobody means for anybody to be insulted. It's just the truth. -It's complicated and I don't want to go into it now, because it's bound to sound insulting--even though nobody means for anybody to be insulted. It's just the truth. I like the truth. I wouldn't be alive today if I weren't one of the biggest fans truth ever had. -I like the truth. I wouldn't be alive today if I weren't one of the biggest fans truth ever had. Well--part of it is that heroes basically hate home and never stay there very long, and make awful messes while they're there. -Well--part of it is that heroes basically hate home and never stay there very long, and make awful messes while they're there. Go on. -Go on. And they have very mixed feelings about women. They hate them in a way. One reason they like war so much is that they can capture enemy women and not have to make love to them slowly and gently. They can scrog them, as you say-- for revenge. -And they have very mixed feelings about women. They hate them in a way. One reason they like war so much is that they can capture enemy women and not have to make love to them slowly and gently. They can scrog them, as you say-- for revenge. You learned this in some college course? -You learned this in some college course? I learned a lot of things in college. Actually--it was Norbert who told me that. -I learned a lot of things in college. Actually--it was Norbert who told me that. The doctor. -The doctor. Yes. -Yes. And what is his most cherished possession? -And what is his most cherished possession? His most cherished possession? His violin, I guess. -His most cherished possession? His violin, I guess. And he keeps it in his apartment? -And he keeps it in his apartment? Yes. -Yes. And no one's there now? -And no one's there now? I don't think so. -I don't think so. That's too bad. I would rather have him at home--to see what I'm going to do. -That's too bad. I would rather have him at home--to see what I'm going to do. What are you going to do? -What are you going to do? He did his best to destroy my most precious possession, which is the high opinion women have of me. I'm now going to even that score. I'm going to break in his door and I'm going to smash his violin. -He did his best to destroy my most precious possession, which is the high opinion women have of me. I'm now going to even that score. I'm going to break in his door and I'm going to smash his violin. No you're not! -No you're not! Why not? -Why not? Because if you do--I'll leave you. HAROLD Goodbye. -I came for my clothes. Sneaking in the back door. -Sneaking in the back door. I rang. It seemed like the proper door for a servile, worthless organism to use. -I rang. It seemed like the proper door for a servile, worthless organism to use. Your clothes are at the city dump by now. Perhaps you can get a map from the Department of Sanitation. -Your clothes are at the city dump by now. Perhaps you can get a map from the Department of Sanitation. I came for Paul as well. -I came for Paul as well. If he wants to go. -If he wants to go. You took him to the funeral, I hear. -You took him to the funeral, I hear. He'd never seen a corpse. He's seen a dozen now. -He'd never seen a corpse. He's seen a dozen now. A dozen? -A dozen? It's a big and busy funeral home. -It's a big and busy funeral home. Did you like it, dear? -Did you like it, dear? It isn't a matter of liking. It's a matter of getting used to death-- as a perfectly natural thing. Would you mind leaving? No woman ever walks out on Harold Ryan, and then comes back--for anything. -It isn't a matter of liking. It's a matter of getting used to death-- as a perfectly natural thing. Would you mind leaving? No woman ever walks out on Harold Ryan, and then comes back--for anything. Unless she has nerve. -Unless she has nerve. More nerve than the doctor, I must admit. He hasn't been home for two days. Has he suddenly lost interest in sleep and color television--and the violin? -More nerve than the doctor, I must admit. He hasn't been home for two days. Has he suddenly lost interest in sleep and color television--and the violin? He knows you shattered his violin. -He knows you shattered his violin. I'm dying to hear of his reaction. The thrill of smashing something isn't in the smashing, but in the owner's reactions. -I'm dying to hear of his reaction. The thrill of smashing something isn't in the smashing, but in the owner's reactions. He cried. -He cried. About a broomstick and a cigar box--and the attenuated intestines of an alley cat. -About a broomstick and a cigar box--and the attenuated intestines of an alley cat. Two hundred years old. -Two hundred years old. He feels awful loss--which was precisely my intention. -He feels awful loss--which was precisely my intention. He had hoped that someone would be playing it still--two hundred years from now. -He had hoped that someone would be playing it still--two hundred years from now. Hope. -Things. You feel I've done a dreadful thing--leaving him? -Well--what have we here? A family. Almost a Christmas scene. -Almost a Christmas scene. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. -Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. Just one favor. -Just one favor. Money? There's plenty of that. Mildred got the brewery. You'll probably get the baseball team. -Money? There's plenty of that. Mildred got the brewery. You'll probably get the baseball team. I want you to tell me that you loved me once. -Testimonials of that sort are--are beyond my range. I don't do them well. That's a failing, I know. I see. -See how you've upset him. He was so merry and hale before you came home. How unhappy he's going to be--alone in his room. -How unhappy he's going to be--alone in his room. He'll play with his rifle, I expect. That will cheer him up. -He'll play with his rifle, I expect. That will cheer him up. Rifle? -Rifle? I bought him a twenty-two yesterday--on the way home from Hamburger Heaven. And where is the good doctor? Have you two feathered a love nest somewhere? -I bought him a twenty-two yesterday--on the way home from Hamburger Heaven. And where is the good doctor? Have you two feathered a love nest somewhere? He's in East St. Louis with his mother--visiting an aunt. -He's in East St. Louis with his mother--visiting an aunt. Last I heard, his mother was going alone. -Last I heard, his mother was going alone. He's afraid of you, Harold. He knew you'd want to fight him. He doesn't know anything about fighting. He hates pain. -He's afraid of you, Harold. He knew you'd want to fight him. He doesn't know anything about fighting. He hates pain. And you, a supposedly healthy woman, do not detest him for his cowardice? -And you, a supposedly healthy woman, do not detest him for his cowardice? It seems highly intelligent to me. -It seems highly intelligent to me. What kind of a country has this become? The men wear beads and refuse to fight--and the woman adore them. America's days of greatness are over. It has drunk the blue soup. -What kind of a country has this become? The men wear beads and refuse to fight--and the woman adore them. America's days of greatness are over. It has drunk the blue soup. Blue soup? -Blue soup? "An Indian narcotic we were forced to drink. It put us in a haze--a honey-colored haze which was lavender around the edge. We laughed, we sang, we snoozed. When a bird called, we answered back. Every living thing was our brother or our sister, we thought. Looseleaf stepped on a cockroach six inches long, and we cried. We had a funeral that went on for five days--for the cockroach! I sang ""Oh Promise Me."" Can you imagine? Where the hell did I ever learn the words to ""Oh Promise Me""? Looseleaf delivered a lecture on maintenance procedures for the hydraulic system of a B-36. All the time we were drinking more blue soup, more blue soup! Never stopped drinking blue soup. Blue soup all the time. We'd go out after food in that honey-colored haze, and everything that was edible had a penumbra of lavender." -"An Indian narcotic we were forced to drink. It put us in a haze--a honey-colored haze which was lavender around the edge. We laughed, we sang, we snoozed. When a bird called, we answered back. Every living thing was our brother or our sister, we thought. Looseleaf stepped on a cockroach six inches long, and we cried. We had a funeral that went on for five days--for the cockroach! I sang ""Oh Promise Me."" Can you imagine? Where the hell did I ever learn the words to ""Oh Promise Me""? Looseleaf delivered a lecture on maintenance procedures for the hydraulic system of a B-36. All the time we were drinking more blue soup, more blue soup! Never stopped drinking blue soup. Blue soup all the time. We'd go out after food in that honey-colored haze, and everything that was edible had a penumbra of lavender." Sounds quite beautiful. -Sounds quite beautiful. Beautiful, you say? It wasn't life, it wasn't death--it wasn't anything! Beautiful? Seven years gone-- like that, like that! Seven years of silliness and random dreams! Seven years of nothingness, when there could have been so much! -Beautiful, you say? It wasn't life, it wasn't death--it wasn't anything! Beautiful? Seven years gone-- like that, like that! Seven years of silliness and random dreams! Seven years of nothingness, when there could have been so much! Like what? -Like what? Action! Interaction! Give and take! Challenge and response! -He's a child! With an iron penis three feet long. Load it, boy. -With an iron penis three feet long. Load it, boy. You're begging him to kill you? -You're begging him to kill you? If he thinks he's man enough. -If he thinks he's man enough. That's really what you want. You become furious when people won't make you dead. -That's really what you want. You become furious when people won't make you dead. I'm teaching my son to be a man. -I'm teaching my son to be a man. So he can kill you. You hate your own life that much. You beg for a hero to kill you. -So he can kill you. You hate your own life that much. You beg for a hero to kill you. I plan to live one hundred years! -I plan to live one hundred years! No you don't. -No you don't. If that's the case--what's to prevent my killing myself? -If that's the case--what's to prevent my killing myself? Honor, I suppose. -Honor, I suppose. What a handsome word. -What a handsome word. But it's all balled up in your head with death. The highest honor is death. When you talk of these animals, one by one, you don't just talk of killing them. You honored them with death. Harold--it is not honor to be killed. -But it's all balled up in your head with death. The highest honor is death. When you talk of these animals, one by one, you don't just talk of killing them. You honored them with death. Harold--it is not honor to be killed. If you've lived a good life, fought well-- -If you've lived a good life, fought well-- It's still just death, the absence of life--no honor at all. It's worse than the blue soup by far-- that nothingness. To you, though, it's the honor that crowns them all. -It's still just death, the absence of life--no honor at all. It's worse than the blue soup by far-- that nothingness. To you, though, it's the honor that crowns them all. May I continue with the rearing of my son? Load that gun! -The old heroes are going to have to get used to this, Harold--the new heroes who refuse to fight. They're trying to save the planet. There's no time for battle, no point to battle anymore. I feel mocked, insulted, with no sort of satisfaction in prospect. We don't have to fight with steel. I can fight with words. I'm not an inarticulate ape, you know, who grabs a rock for want of a vocabulary. Call him up in East St. Louis, Penelope. Tell him to come here. -I feel mocked, insulted, with no sort of satisfaction in prospect. We don't have to fight with steel. I can fight with words. I'm not an inarticulate ape, you know, who grabs a rock for want of a vocabulary. Call him up in East St. Louis, Penelope. Tell him to come here. No. -No. No. -And my son, the only son of Harold Ryan--he's going to grow up to be a vanisher, too? I don't know. I hope he never hunts. I hope he never kills another human being. -I don't know. I hope he never hunts. I hope he never kills another human being. You hope this, too? -I'm going to call the police. Don't! -This is suicide. Go get the police. Stop! -No, we won't. No matter how it begins, it will end in death. Because it always does. Isn't that always how it ends, Harold--in death? There has to be a threat of some sort, nobility of some sort, glamour of some sort, sport of some sort. These elements are lacking. -I'm turning off the alarm. I'm turning off everything. Ah! The lady is armed. -Ah! The lady is armed. I want you to get out of here, Norbert. Harold--I want you to sit down in the chair, and not lift a finger until Norbert is gone. -I want you to get out of here, Norbert. Harold--I want you to sit down in the chair, and not lift a finger until Norbert is gone. Whoever has the gun, you see, gets to tell everybody else exactly what to do. It's the American way. -Whoever has the gun, you see, gets to tell everybody else exactly what to do. It's the American way. I mean it! -I mean it! Then you'd better fix your bayonet, because there aren't any bullets in the gun. -Then you'd better fix your bayonet, because there aren't any bullets in the gun. Where's the bullet? -Help your mother find the bullet. There it is. Give it to me. -How do I load? Load it for her. -All right! Am I exceedingly dangerous now? The National Safety Council would be appalled. -The National Safety Council would be appalled. Then listen to me. You're both disgusting--with your pride, your pride. I hate you for coming here--like a federal marshal in a western film. I loved you when you stayed away. But here you are now--high noon in the Superbowl! You fool, you fool. -She's right, Norbert--go home. WOODLY I haven't said all I have to say. Out! -Give me that Goddamn thing! Now get out of here, or I might kill you. Who knows? You've killed women? -You've killed women? Seventeen of them--eleven by accident. March! Move! You, too! -Norbert--you come, too. Let him go, Harold. Let him go. Of course he can go--if he'll just go down on his hands and knees for a moment--and promise me that he does not find me comical in the least degree. -Of course he can go--if he'll just go down on his hands and knees for a moment--and promise me that he does not find me comical in the least degree. Do it, Norbert. -Ooops. Ooops. -Ooops. Can I--uh--help you gentlemen? -Can I--uh--help you gentlemen? Gentlemen--that's nice. -Gentlemen--that's nice. You startled me. -The door ws unlocked. Is it always unlocked? It's always locked. -It's always locked. But here you are inside, aren't you? -But here you are inside, aren't you? You're--you're old friends of Harold Ryan? -You're--you're old friends of Harold Ryan? We tried to be. We tried to be. -We tried to be. We tried to be. He's dead, you know. -He's dead, you know. Dead! Such a final word. Dead! Did you hear that? -Hello? Oh--hello, Mother. Hello, Mother. -Hello, Mother. ...Who?... Did she say how far apart the pains were?... When was that?... Oh dear. -...Who?... Did she say how far apart the pains were?... When was that?... Oh dear. Oh dear. -Oh dear. Call her back--tell her to head for the hospital. Tell the hospital to expect her. I'll leave right now. -Look--I'm sorry--I have to go. We'll miss you so. -We'll miss you so. Look--this isn't my apartment, and there isn't anybody else here. Mrs. Ryan won't be home for a while. -Look--this isn't my apartment, and there isn't anybody else here. Mrs. Ryan won't be home for a while. Oh, oh, oh--I thought it was your apartment. You seemed at home here. -Oh, oh, oh--I thought it was your apartment. You seemed at home here. I'm a neighbor. I have the apartment across the hall. I have to go to the hospital now. An emergency. -I mean--I can't leave you here. You'll have to go. I'll tell Mrs. Ryan you were here. You can come back later. Ahh--then she's still alive. -Ahh--then she's still alive. She's fine. Please-- -She's fine. Please-- And still Mrs. Harold Ryan? -And still Mrs. Harold Ryan? Will you please go? An emergency! -Will you please go? An emergency! She still has just the one child-- the boy? -Yes! Yes! The boy! One boy! And what, exactly, is your relationship to Mrs. Ryan? -And what, exactly, is your relationship to Mrs. Ryan? Neighbor! Doctor! I live across the hall. -Neighbor! Doctor! I live across the hall. And you come into Mrs. Ryan's apartment as often as you please, looking into various health matters? -And you come into Mrs. Ryan's apartment as often as you please, looking into various health matters? Yes! Please! You've got to get out right now! -Just her neighbor and doctor? That's all? And her fiancé! -And her fiancé! And her fiancé! How nice. I hope you'll be very happy--or is that what one says to the woman? -And her fiancé! How nice. I hope you'll be very happy--or is that what one says to the woman? I've got to run! -You wish the woman good luck, and you tell the man how fortunate he is. That's how it goes. I've literally got to run! -I've literally got to run! I won't try to keep up with you. I'm not as fast on my feet as I once was. -Safe and sound, I see. Oh--you came back. I came back. -How was the emergency, Doctor? Profitable, I hope. A policeman delivered the baby in a taxicab. -A policeman delivered the baby in a taxicab. Tough luck. You'll have to split the fee. -Tough luck. You'll have to split the fee. Are--are you crying, Penelope? -Are--are you crying, Penelope? She's crying because she's so happy. -I feel the same way. What next? What next? You leave promptly, of course. There is no question as to whose home this is-- -What next? You leave promptly, of course. There is no question as to whose home this is-- None. -None. Whose son this is, whose wife that is. A fiancé is the most ridiculous appurtenance this household could have at this time. Good night. -Whose son this is, whose wife that is. A fiancé is the most ridiculous appurtenance this household could have at this time. Good night. Good night. -Ah! You're ambulatory! What a brilliant diagnosis! -Well now--what seems to be the trouble with the patient today? A touch of malaria, perhaps? I know malaria. Malaria isn't caused by the bites of bats. -I know malaria. Malaria isn't caused by the bites of bats. You've been bitten by bats? -You've been bitten by bats? Colonel Harper and I once shared a treetop with a family of bats. There was a flash flood. There were piranha fish in the water. That's how Colonel Harper lost his little toe. -Colonel Harper and I once shared a treetop with a family of bats. There was a flash flood. There were piranha fish in the water. That's how Colonel Harper lost his little toe. You have chills? -You have chills? "Chills, fevers, sweats. You can describe it and name it after yourself: ""the Woodly galloping crud.""" -You can also describe its cure. I'm eating its cure. I was going to ask. -I was going to ask. Pacqualinincheewa root. -Pacqualinincheewa root. Would you say that again? -Would you say that again? "Pacqualinincheewa root. Means ""cougar fang."" Cures anything but a yellow streak down the back." -"Pacqualinincheewa root. Means ""cougar fang."" Cures anything but a yellow streak down the back." I've never heard of it. -I've never heard of it. Congratulations. By crossing twenty-eight feet of cockroach- infested carpet, you've become the third white man ever to hear of it. -Congratulations. By crossing twenty-eight feet of cockroach- infested carpet, you've become the third white man ever to hear of it. Are you've seen it work cures? -Are you've seen it work cures? Hundreds. -Wasn't that sweet of me? More and more we find ourselves laying aside false pride and looking into the pharmacopoeias of primitive people. Curare, ephedrine--we've found some amazing things. -More and more we find ourselves laying aside false pride and looking into the pharmacopoeias of primitive people. Curare, ephedrine--we've found some amazing things. We have, have we? -We have, have we? That's an editorial we, of course. I haven't turned up anything personally. -That's an editorial we, of course. I haven't turned up anything personally. Everything about you is the editorial we. Take that away from you, and you'd disappear. -Good Lord. "I can just hear the editorial wee- wee-weeing when Looseleaf and I start flying in pacqualinincheewa root. I can hear the Alice-sit-by- the-fires now: ""We discovered it in the Amazon Rain Forest. Now we cure you with it. Now we lower our eyes with becoming modesty as we receive heartfelt thanks.""" -I thought she was a widow. You were wrong, you quack! -I'm going to have to report you to the Department of Health. What for? -What for? Quarantine, possibly. You may be suffering from a loathsome disease which the American people could do without. Goodbye. -It died for your sins. This little corpse is intended as a lesson? -This little corpse is intended as a lesson? There's a certain amount of information there. -There's a certain amount of information there. Lest we forget how cruel you are. -This is man to man. It's healer to killer. Is that the same thing? -It's healer to killer. Is that the same thing? What brought you back? -What brought you back? "The same hairy, humorless old gods who move you from hither to yon. ""Honor, "" if you like." -"The same hairy, humorless old gods who move you from hither to yon. ""Honor, "" if you like." He's a champion after all. WOODLY Of the corpses and cripples you create for our instruction--when all we can learn from them is this: how cruel you are. -There's going to be no bloodshed here. I know how he'll fight--the only way he can fight: with words. The truth. Am I correct? Yes. -Yes. I can defeat him with anything from flavored toothpicks to siege howitzers. But he got it into his little head that he could come here and demolish Harold Ryan with words. The truth! Correct? -I can defeat him with anything from flavored toothpicks to siege howitzers. But he got it into his little head that he could come here and demolish Harold Ryan with words. The truth! Correct? Correct. -Correct. What an hallucination! Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear. Oh dearie me. -What an hallucination! Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear. Oh dearie me. You haven't heard me yet. -You haven't heard me yet. You intend to crack my eardrums with your voice? Will I bleed from my every orifice? Who will clean up this awful mess? -You intend to crack my eardrums with your voice? Will I bleed from my every orifice? Who will clean up this awful mess? We'll find out now, won't we? -You're a filthy, rotten bastard. Oooooo. That hurt. -Oooooo. That hurt. You're old--so old. -You're old--so old. Now who's being cruel? -Now who's being cruel? A living fossil! Like the cockroaches and the horseshoe crabs. -A living fossil! Like the cockroaches and the horseshoe crabs. We do survive, don't we? You're going to have to apologize, of course, for calling me a bastard. That's a matter of form--not allowing you or anybody to call me a bastard. No rush about that. Just remember to apologize sometime soon. -You're a son of a bitch. Yes--well--uh--that's another one of those statements which more or less automatically requires an apology. Whenever you feel like it. It's sort of like turning off an alarm clock that's ringing loudly. Your apology turns off the alarm. -I haven't told you, Harold, how comical I think you are. Comical? -Hands and knees, you say? And terror, if you don't mind. -You're in one hell of a jam. You realize that? I'm high as a kite. -I'm high as a kite. Glands. You're supposed to be happy when you die. Call me comical again. -Glands. You're supposed to be happy when you die. Call me comical again. You're a clown. You're a clown who kills--but you're a clown. -You're a clown. You're a clown who kills--but you're a clown. I love you! Have a cigar! -I love you! Have a cigar! Evolution has made you a clown-- with a cigar. Simple butchers like you are obsolete! -Evolution has made you a clown-- with a cigar. Simple butchers like you are obsolete! I'm to be left behind--in primordial ooze? -I'm to be left behind--in primordial ooze? If you're at home in the ooze, and nowhere else. -If you're at home in the ooze, and nowhere else. This is going to become very physical. Are you prepared for that? -This is going to become very physical. Are you prepared for that? You're not such a creature of the ooze that you'd hurt an unarmed man. -You're not such a creature of the ooze that you'd hurt an unarmed man. I'm an honorable clown? -I'm an honorable clown? King Arthur. -King Arthur. You hope. -You hope. In any event, I will not beg for mercy. -In any event, I will not beg for mercy. No quarter asked. No quarter given. -No quarter asked. No quarter given. Don't you laugh even inwardly at the heroic balderdash you spew? -Don't you laugh even inwardly at the heroic balderdash you spew? Cut me open. Find out. -Cut me open. Find out. I've struck my blow. -I've struck my blow. With spittle? -With spittle? I've poisoned you. HAROLD Lucretia Borgia? Something I drank or touched? You refused a cigar. That's it! Potassium cyanide in the humidor! Treacherous lover of peace! -I've poisoned you. HAROLD Lucretia Borgia? Something I drank or touched? You refused a cigar. That's it! Potassium cyanide in the humidor! Treacherous lover of peace! "I put a poisoned thought in your head. Even now that poison is seeping into every lobe of your mind. It's saying, ""Obsolete, obsolete, obsolete,"" and, ""Clown, clown, clown.""" -"I put a poisoned thought in your head. Even now that poison is seeping into every lobe of your mind. It's saying, ""Obsolete, obsolete, obsolete,"" and, ""Clown, clown, clown.""" Poison. -Poison. "You have a very good mind, or I wouldn't have come back. That mind is now asking itself, cleverly and fairly, ""Is Harold Ryan really a clown?"" And the answer is, ""Yes.""" -"You have a very good mind, or I wouldn't have come back. That mind is now asking itself, cleverly and fairly, ""Is Harold Ryan really a clown?"" And the answer is, ""Yes.""" I--I really must congratulate you. Something is happening in there. -I--I really must congratulate you. Something is happening in there. You can never take yourself seriously again! Look at all the creatures you've protected us from! Did you shoot them on the elevator, as they were on their way up here to eat us alive? -You can never take yourself seriously again! Look at all the creatures you've protected us from! Did you shoot them on the elevator, as they were on their way up here to eat us alive? No. WOODLY The magic root you gave me--I had it analyzed. It was discovered by a Harvard botanist in 1893! He explored your famous jungle for five years, armed with nothing but kindness, a talent for languages, and a pocketknife. -No. WOODLY The magic root you gave me--I had it analyzed. It was discovered by a Harvard botanist in 1893! He explored your famous jungle for five years, armed with nothing but kindness, a talent for languages, and a pocketknife. I see. -I see. You aren't going to hurt me. You aren't going to hurt anybody any more. Any violent gesture will seem ridiculous--to yourself! -You aren't going to hurt me. You aren't going to hurt anybody any more. Any violent gesture will seem ridiculous--to yourself! Don Quixote. -Don Quixote. My violin is avenged! -My violin is avenged! Something seems to have happened to my self-respect. -Something seems to have happened to my self-respect. And the hell with it. It was so tragically irrelevant, so preposterously misinformed. -And the hell with it. It was so tragically irrelevant, so preposterously misinformed. The new hero is you. -The new hero is you. I hate crowds, and I have no charisma-- -I hate crowds, and I have no charisma-- You're too modest. -You're too modest. But the new hero will be a man of science and of peace--like me. He'll disarm you, of course. No more guns, no more guns. -But the new hero will be a man of science and of peace--like me. He'll disarm you, of course. No more guns, no more guns. Was I ever of use? -Was I ever of use? Never. For when you began to kill for the fun of it, you became the chief source of agony of mankind. -Here. Finish the job. I'm utterly satisfied. -I'm utterly satisfied. You're making a mistake. Obsolete old carnivores like me are most dangerous when wounded. You've wounded me. -You're making a mistake. Obsolete old carnivores like me are most dangerous when wounded. You've wounded me. More clowning! Don't you see? -More clowning! Don't you see? We never quit fighting until we're dead. -We never quit fighting until we're dead. You'd be killing a friend. Don't you know how much I like you? -You'd be killing a friend. Don't you know how much I like you? I'm going to shoot you now. -I'm going to shoot you now. No! -No! My self-respect is gone--and my soldier's honor with it. It is now very easy for me to shoot an unarmed man. -My self-respect is gone--and my soldier's honor with it. It is now very easy for me to shoot an unarmed man. New dignity can be yours--as a merciful man. You can change! -New dignity can be yours--as a merciful man. You can change! Like the saber-toothed tiger. -Like the saber-toothed tiger. Oh God--you're really going to kill me. HAROLD It won't hurt as much as the sting of a bumblebee. Heaven is very much like Paradise, they say. You'll like it there. -Oh God--you're really going to kill me. HAROLD It won't hurt as much as the sting of a bumblebee. Heaven is very much like Paradise, they say. You'll like it there. Can I beg for mercy--on my knees? -Can I beg for mercy--on my knees? If you want to be found that way. -If you want to be found that way. What is this thing that kills me? -What is this thing that kills me? Man, as man was meant to be--a vengeful ape who murders. He will soon be extinct. It's time, it's time. -Man, as man was meant to be--a vengeful ape who murders. He will soon be extinct. It's time, it's time. Don't shoot. -Don't shoot. I've enjoyed being man. -No. No. Get up. -Get up. No. -No. Have it your way. We'd both be better off dead now. -Can't do it. Thank God. HAROLD Crawl home. -Thank you--for my life. It's trash now, like mine. -It's trash now, like mine. New lives begin! -New lives begin! Somewhere in this city. Not here, not here. Tell Penelope I loved her--in my clownish way. And Paul. Tell him to be a healer, by all means. -Somewhere in this city. Not here, not here. Tell Penelope I loved her--in my clownish way. And Paul. Tell him to be a healer, by all means. What are you going to do? -What are you going to do? Use the sanitary facilities, if I may. -Use the sanitary facilities, if I may. Leave the rifle here. -Leave the rifle here. I'll put it in Paul's room, where it belongs. -I'll put it in Paul's room, where it belongs. Give me your word of honor that that's all you're going to do. -Give me your word of honor that that's all you're going to do. For what it's worth now, Harold Ryan, the clown, gives his sacred word. -Jesus--I dunno. You know. What the heck. Who knows? Colonel Harper, retired now, dropped an atom bomb on Nagasaki during the Second World War, killing seventy-four thousand people in a flash. -Colonel Harper, retired now, dropped an atom bomb on Nagasaki during the Second World War, killing seventy-four thousand people in a flash. I dunno, boy. -I dunno, boy. You don't know? -You don't know? It was a bitch. -It was a bitch. Thank you. You can leave now. We'll begin. -And you went home unannounced, too? I dunno. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I did. -Alice got married again. She did? -She did? You didn't even find that out? -You didn't even find that out? There was so much going on. -There was so much going on. She married an accountant named Stanley Kestenbaum. -She married an accountant named Stanley Kestenbaum. "So that's it! ""Kestenbaum, Kestenbaum."" Everybody was yelling ""Kestenbaum, Kestenbaum."" I thought it was some foreign language." -Dead! Jesus. -Jesus. Alice is dead? -Alice is dead? No, no--shit no. Excuse me, Penelope. -No, no--shit no. Excuse me, Penelope. For what? -For what? "For saying ""shit."" Or is that okay now?" -"For saying ""shit."" Or is that okay now?" Who's dead? -Who's dead? My mother-in-law. Fire engines, pulmotors, doctors, cops, coroners-- -My mother-in-law. Fire engines, pulmotors, doctors, cops, coroners-- What happened? -What happened? "Well--I walked up to the front door. I was still alive. Big surprise. I rang the doorbell, and old Mrs. Wheeler answered. She had her Goddamn knitting. I said, ""Guess who?"" She conked right out." -"Well--I walked up to the front door. I was still alive. Big surprise. I rang the doorbell, and old Mrs. Wheeler answered. She had her Goddamn knitting. I said, ""Guess who?"" She conked right out." How horrible. -How horrible. Yeah--cripes. I never did get any sense out of Alice. She found me holding up the old lady, dead as a mackerel. It was a bitch. You know--maybe Mrs. Wheeler was going to die then and there anyway, even if I'd been the paper boy. Maybe not. I dunno, boy. That's civilian life for you. Who knows what kills anybody? -And you, Colonel? Let me guess: You don't know. I dunno. -So long, you guys. What will you do, Colonel? -What will you do, Colonel? I dunno. Marry the first whore who's nice to me, I guess. Get a job in a motorcycle shop. So long, you guys. -Mr. Ryan just borrowed my birthday cake. I don't really know him. Thought you were another wife, maybe. -Thought you were another wife, maybe. I'm only ten years old. -I'm only ten years old. That's what he wanted--a ten-year- old wife. He'd come home from a war or a safari, and he'd wind up talking to the little kids. -That's what he wanted--a ten-year- old wife. He'd come home from a war or a safari, and he'd wind up talking to the little kids. Won't you please join our club? Please? -Won't you please join our club? Please? Honey--Alcoholics Anonymous takes all the time I've got--and Harold Ryan is an individual I would rather forget. He drove me to drink. He drove his first two wives to drink. -Aha! Hello! You're Mildred, right? I heard you were looking for me. -I heard you were looking for me. You were Harold Ryan's third wife. Right? -You were Harold Ryan's third wife. Right? Yes. -Yes. You want to join the Harold Ryan Fan Club? Wear a pink jacket with a yellow streak up the back? -You want to join the Harold Ryan Fan Club? Wear a pink jacket with a yellow streak up the back? Do I have to? Who's the little girl? -Because he was cruel? Premature ejaculation. -Premature ejaculation. "Ach soooooooooo. MILDRED No grown woman is a fan of premature ejaculation. Harold would come home trumpeting and roaring. He would the kick the furniture with his boots, spit into corners and the fireplace. He would make me presents of stuffed fish and helmets with holes in them. He would tell me that he had now earned the reward that only a woman could give him, and he'd tear off my clothes. He would carry me into the bedroom, telling me to scream and kick my feet. That was very important to him. I did it. I tried to be a good wife. He told me to imagine a herd of stampeding water buffalo. I couldn't do that, but I pretended I did. It was all over--ten seconds after he'd said the word ""buffalo."" Then he'd zip up his pants, and go outside, and tell true war stories to the little kids. Any little kids." -"Ach soooooooooo. MILDRED No grown woman is a fan of premature ejaculation. Harold would come home trumpeting and roaring. He would the kick the furniture with his boots, spit into corners and the fireplace. He would make me presents of stuffed fish and helmets with holes in them. He would tell me that he had now earned the reward that only a woman could give him, and he'd tear off my clothes. He would carry me into the bedroom, telling me to scream and kick my feet. That was very important to him. I did it. I tried to be a good wife. He told me to imagine a herd of stampeding water buffalo. I couldn't do that, but I pretended I did. It was all over--ten seconds after he'd said the word ""buffalo."" Then he'd zip up his pants, and go outside, and tell true war stories to the little kids. Any little kids." That is sad. -That is sad. Is it? I have this theory about why men kill each other and break things. -Is it? I have this theory about why men kill each other and break things. Ja? -Ja? Never mind. It's a dumb theory. I was going to say it was all sexual..but everything is sexual...but alcohol. Peace. -She's my date tonight. What do you want her to do--bring the poor old jaguars back to life with a bicycle pump? Bugger off! Ask Paul what he thinks. Your mother looks beautiful--right? Kid? Doesn't your mother look nice? Paul? I don't care what she wears. -I don't care what she wears. Something's made you sore. -Something's made you sore. Don't worry about it. -Don't worry about it. You bet I'll worry about it. I said something wrong? -You bet I'll worry about it. I said something wrong? It's my father's birthday--that's all. That's all. Who cares about that? -It's my father's birthday--that's all. That's all. Who cares about that? I had not the slightest inkling. Why didn't you say so? -I had not the slightest inkling. Why didn't you say so? She doesn't care! She's not married any more! She's going to have fun! I hope you have so much fun you can hardly stand it. Dr. Woodly--I hope you make up even better jokes about my father than the ones you've said so far. -She doesn't care! She's not married any more! She's going to have fun! I hope you have so much fun you can hardly stand it. Dr. Woodly--I hope you make up even better jokes about my father than the ones you've said so far. Kid--kid-- -Kid--kid-- And I wish you'd quit touching me all the time. It drives me nuts! -And I wish you'd quit touching me all the time. It drives me nuts! What's this? -What's this? Don't! -Don't! You sure misunderstood something-- and we'd better get it straight. -You sure misunderstood something-- and we'd better get it straight. Explain it to them. I'm bugging out of here. -Don't touch me. Get out of the way. Men can touch other men, and it doesn't mean a thing. Haven't you ever seen football players after they've won the Superbowl? -I worship your father. That stuffed alligator your mother gave me--the one he shot? It's the proudest thing in my apartment. Everybody talks about how rotten kids act. Grownups can be pretty rotten, too. -Thank God! What a relief! -That goes double for me. I don't want to live any more. -I don't want to live any more. I feel like I want to yell my head off--just yell anything. Bulllllllllllllll-dickey! -I feel like I want to yell my head off--just yell anything. Bulllllllllllllll-dickey! I'll kill myself. -I'll kill myself. The wife of Harold Ryan is going to marry a pansy next? This is the end of Western Civilization as far as I'm concerned. You must be crazy as a fruitcake. -Don't touch me. Wouldn't you rather have your mother marry me than him? -Wouldn't you rather have your mother marry me than him? No. -No. All my dreams have suddenly collapsed. We did have a lot of laughs together, Penelope. -And this is my son, Paul. He was only four years old when his father disappeared. He's coming back, Mom! He's the bravest, most wonderful man who ever lived. -He's coming back, Mom! He's the bravest, most wonderful man who ever lived. I told you this was a simple-minded play. -I told you this was a simple-minded play. Maybe he'll come back tonight! It's his birthday. -Maybe he'll come back tonight! It's his birthday. I know. -I know. Stay home tonight! -Stay home tonight! Oh, Paul-- -Oh, Paul-- You're married! You've already got a husband! -You're married! You've already got a husband! He's a ghost! -He's a ghost! He's alive! -He's alive! Not even Mutual of Omaha thinks so anymore. -Not even Mutual of Omaha thinks so anymore. If you have to go out with some guy--can't he be more like Dad? Herb Shuttle and Norbert Woodly-- can't you do better than those two freaks? -If you have to go out with some guy--can't he be more like Dad? Herb Shuttle and Norbert Woodly-- can't you do better than those two freaks? Thank you, kind sir. -Thank you, kind sir. A vacuum cleaner salesman and a fairy doctor. -A vacuum cleaner salesman and a fairy doctor. A what kind of doctor? -A what kind of doctor? A fairy--a queer. Everybody in the building knows he's a queer. -A fairy--a queer. Everybody in the building knows he's a queer. That's an interesting piece of news. -That's an interesting piece of news. You're the only woman he ever took out. -You're the only woman he ever took out. Not true. -Not true. Still lives with his mother. -Still lives with his mother. You know she has no feet! You want him to abandon his mother, who has no husband, who has no money of her own, who has no feet? -You know she has no feet! You want him to abandon his mother, who has no husband, who has no money of her own, who has no feet? How did she lose her feet? -How did she lose her feet? In a railroad accident many years ago. -In a railroad accident many years ago. I was afraid to ask. -I was afraid to ask. Norbert was just beginning practice. A real man would have sold her to a catfood company, I suppose. As far as that goes, J. Edgar Hoover still lives with his mother. -Norbert was just beginning practice. A real man would have sold her to a catfood company, I suppose. As far as that goes, J. Edgar Hoover still lives with his mother. I didn't know that. -I didn't know that. A lot of people don't. -A lot of people don't. J. Edgar Hoover plays sports. -J. Edgar Hoover plays sports. I don't really know. -I don't really know. To only exercise Dr. Woodly ever gets is playing the violin and making that stupid peace sign. Peace. Peace. Peace, everybody. -I hate that thing. It's beautiful. -Where will you be? Anywhere but here. I'd just sit here and cry about the way my father's been forgotten. -Are you and Dr. Woodly engaged? Who have you been talking to? -Who have you been talking to? What difference does that make? Is Dr. Woodly going to be my father now? -Yes, he is. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! -Is Norbert still here? No. -No. Then who flushed the toilet? -Then who flushed the toilet? Father's friend. -Father's friend. What's his name? -What's his name? Don't know. -Don't know. For Heaven's sakes! -Mom? That man is your father. -That man is your father. What? -What? There stands the loins from which you've sprung. -There stands the loins from which you've sprung. I don't get it. -I don't get it. It is you, isn't it, Harold? -That's why I'm crying. Dr. Woodly? You know who this is? -What are his symptoms? Shivers and sweats and groans. His teeth chatter. What'll we do? -Shivers and sweats and groans. His teeth chatter. What'll we do? What does he say to do? -What does he say to do? He can hardly talk. -Really? It is an emergency, isn't it? -It is an emergency, isn't it? Yeah. -Yeah. Then get him. -Then get him. Okay. -Peace, everybody--Paul, Penelope. You're taking Mom out tonight? -You're taking Mom out tonight? You're going out? -We don't have a maid any more. Oh? -Everything stays as it is! A monument to a man who thought that what the world needed most was more rhinoceros meat. -A monument to a man who thought that what the world needed most was more rhinoceros meat. My father! -My father! I apologize. But you didn't know him, and neither did I. How's your asthma? -I apologize. But you didn't know him, and neither did I. How's your asthma? Don't worry about it. -Don't worry about it. How's the fungus around your thumbnail? -How's the fungus around your thumbnail? It's fine! -It's fine! It's jungle rot! This room is making everybody sick! This is your family doctor speaking now. Here--I brought you something else to hang on your wall, for the sake of variety. -I hate that thing. Keeps fairies away! -It came yesterday. I haven't opened it yet. Maybe it's supposed to end now. Maybe God wouldn't have it any other way. -I didn't get his name. A friend of your father? He isn't any friend of Father. -He isn't any friend of Father. He isn't? -He isn't? He is my father. -He is my father. No! -Please-- He's not anybody to tell somebody else what to do in a master bedroom. -He's not anybody to tell somebody else what to do in a master bedroom. I'll get ready, Herb. I didn't expect you this soon. Please--won't everybody be nice to everybody else while I'm gone? -I keep having this nightmare--that he catches us. Doing what? -Doing what? He'd kill me. He'd be right to kill me, too--the kind of guy he is. -He'd kill me. He'd be right to kill me, too--the kind of guy he is. Or was. We haven't done anything wrong, you know. -Or was. We haven't done anything wrong, you know. He'd assume we had. -He'd assume we had. That's something I suppose. -That's something I suppose. All through the day I'm so confident. That's why I'm such a good salesman, you know? I have confidence, and I look like I have confidence, and that gives other people confidence. People laugh sometimes when they find out I'm a vacuum cleaner salesman. They stop laughing, though, when they find out I made forty-three thousand dollars last year. I've got six other salesmen working under me, and what they all plug into is my confidence. That's what charges them up. -All through the day I'm so confident. That's why I'm such a good salesman, you know? I have confidence, and I look like I have confidence, and that gives other people confidence. People laugh sometimes when they find out I'm a vacuum cleaner salesman. They stop laughing, though, when they find out I made forty-three thousand dollars last year. I've got six other salesmen working under me, and what they all plug into is my confidence. That's what charges them up. I'm glad. -I'm glad. I was captain of the wrestling team at Lehigh University. -I was captain of the wrestling team at Lehigh University. I know. -I know. If you want to wrestle, you got Lehigh. If you want to play tennis, you go to Vanderbilt. -If you want to wrestle, you got Lehigh. If you want to play tennis, you go to Vanderbilt. I don't want to go to Vanderbilt. -I don't want to go to Vanderbilt. "You don't wrestle if you don't have supreme confidence, and I wrestled. But when I get with you, and I say to myself, ""My God--here I am with the wife of Harold Ryan, one of the great heroes of all time--""" -Yes? Something happens to my confidence. -Something happens to my confidence. This conversation took place, incidentally, about three months before Harold was declared legally dead. -This conversation took place, incidentally, about three months before Harold was declared legally dead. When Harold is definitely out of the picture, Penelope, when I don't have to worry about doing him wrong or you wrong or Paul wrong. I'm going to ask you to be my wife. -When Harold is definitely out of the picture, Penelope, when I don't have to worry about doing him wrong or you wrong or Paul wrong. I'm going to ask you to be my wife. I'm touched. -I'm touched. That's when I'll get my confidence back. -That's when I'll get my confidence back. I see. -I see. If you'll pardon the expression, that's when you'll see the fur and feathers fly. Good night. -If you'll pardon the expression, that's when you'll see the fur and feathers fly. Good night. Good night. -Coming. Women are always late. You'll find out. -Gentlemen! Is this right for a fight? It's been so long. Beautiful! I've never seen that coat. -Beautiful! I've never seen that coat. Seven jaguars' skins, I'm told. Harold shot every one. Shall we go? -What then? We could have had some kind of birthday party for him. We could have taken Paul to the fight with us. -Did you see him? Yeah. -Yeah. Is he all right? -Is he all right? Far as I know. -Far as I know. Is he coming home? -Is he coming home? He ditched me. He started running, and I started running, then he lost me in the park. -He ditched me. He started running, and I started running, then he lost me in the park. The park! -The park! It's dark in there. PENELOPE And that's where he is! -It's dark in there. PENELOPE And that's where he is! I figure he ducked in one place and ducked out another. -I figure he ducked in one place and ducked out another. You figure! -You figure! Then I saw this bakery store that was still open, so I bought a birthday cake. -Then I saw this bakery store that was still open, so I bought a birthday cake. A what? -A what? For Harold. When Paul comes home, we can have some birthday cake. -For Harold. When Paul comes home, we can have some birthday cake. How nice. -How nice. "They had this cake somebody else hadn't picked up. It says, ""Happy Birthday, Somebody Else.""" -Did you talk to Paul? Before he started to run. He said his father carried a key to this apartment around his neck--and someday we'd all hear the sound of that key in the door. -Before he started to run. He said his father carried a key to this apartment around his neck--and someday we'd all hear the sound of that key in the door. We've got to find him. I want you to show me exactly where you saw him last. And you stay here, Norbert, in case he comes home. That's all he said--the thing about the key? -We've got to find him. I want you to show me exactly where you saw him last. And you stay here, Norbert, in case he comes home. That's all he said--the thing about the key? He said one other thing. It wasn't very nice. -He said one other thing. It wasn't very nice. What was it? -What was it? He told me to take a flying fuck at the moon. -What's the matter now? We got a birthday cake, kid. Did you see the cake? -Possibly. How long has this been going on? -How long has this been going on? A week. We were waiting for the right time to-- -A week. We were waiting for the right time to-- I feel as though I had been made a perfect chump of. -I feel as though I had been made a perfect chump of. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Marry me instead. -Marry me instead. Thank you, Herb. You're a wonderful man. You really are. Everybody respects you for what you've done for scouting and the Little League. -Thank you, Herb. You're a wonderful man. You really are. Everybody respects you for what you've done for scouting and the Little League. You're saying no. -You're saying no. I'm saying no--and thank you. -I'm saying no--and thank you. I didn't make my move fast enough. That's it, isn't it? I was too respectful. -I didn't make my move fast enough. That's it, isn't it? I was too respectful. You were wonderful. -You were wonderful. What's so wonderful if I lost the sale? You poor kid. -It's true. Well--it was nice while it lasted. Thanks for the memories. -You and Harold are friends? He's the most wonderful guy I ever met, Penelope. He's the most complicated guy I ever met. I can't believe it, but he's going to take me to Africa with him. -I am Dr. Norbert Woodly--a physician, a healer. I find it disgusting and frightening that a killer should be a respected member of society. Gentleness must replace violence everywhere, or we are doomed. Would you like to say something about killing, Colonel? -Herb Shuttle is taking me to a fight. Take plenty of cigars. -Take plenty of cigars. We made the date three months ago. -We made the date three months ago. I must take you to an emergency ward sometime--on a Saturday night. That's also fun. I came to see Selma, as a matter of fact. -I must take you to an emergency ward sometime--on a Saturday night. That's also fun. I came to see Selma, as a matter of fact. She quit this afternoon. -The animals made her sneeze and cry too much. I'm glad somebody finally cried. Every time I come in here and see all this unnecessary death, I want to cry. I don't cry, of course. Not manly, you know. Did she try antihistamines? -I'm glad somebody finally cried. Every time I come in here and see all this unnecessary death, I want to cry. I don't cry, of course. Not manly, you know. Did she try antihistamines? They made her so sleepy she couldn't work. -They made her so sleepy she couldn't work. Throw out all this junk. Burn it! This room crawls with tropical disease. -"""War is not healthy for children and other living things."" How lovely." No doubt Paul thinks it stinks. -Oh no! Wear a coat of cotton--wear a coat of wool. What? -What? Wear a coat of domestic mink. For the love of God, though, Penelope, don't lightheartedly advertise that the last of the jaguars died for you. -I never knew when to hold it--or who to ask, or what to say. Tonight's the night. -This is very good for us. It is? -It is? The wilder Paul is tonight, the calmer he'll be tomorrow. -The wilder Paul is tonight, the calmer he'll be tomorrow. As long as he keeps out of the park. -As long as he keeps out of the park. After this explosion, I think, he'll be able to accept the fact that his mother is going to marry again. -After this explosion, I think, he'll be able to accept the fact that his mother is going to marry again. "The only thing I ever told him about life was, ""Keep out of the park after the sun goes down.""" -"The only thing I ever told him about life was, ""Keep out of the park after the sun goes down.""" We've got to dump Shuttle. He brings his vacuum cleaner on dates? -We've got to dump Shuttle. He brings his vacuum cleaner on dates? That's the XKE. -That's the XKE. The what? -The what? It's an experimental model. He doesn't dare leave it in his car, for fear it will fall into the hands of competition. -It's an experimental model. He doesn't dare leave it in his car, for fear it will fall into the hands of competition. What kind of a life is that? -What kind of a life is that? He told me one time what the proudest moment of his life was. He made Eagle Scout when he was twenty-nine years old. Oh, Norbert--promise me that Paul has not gone into the park! -He told me one time what the proudest moment of his life was. He made Eagle Scout when he was twenty-nine years old. Oh, Norbert--promise me that Paul has not gone into the park! If you warned him against it as much as you say, it's almost a certainty. -If you warned him against it as much as you say, it's almost a certainty. No! Oh no! Three people murdered in there in the last six weeks! The police won't even go in there any more. -No! Oh no! Three people murdered in there in the last six weeks! The police won't even go in there any more. I wish Paul luck. -I wish Paul luck. It's suicide! -It's suicide! I'd be dead by now if that were the case. -I'd be dead by now if that were the case. Meaning? -Meaning? Every night, Penelope, for the past two years, I've made it a point to walk through the park at midnight. -Every night, Penelope, for the past two years, I've made it a point to walk through the park at midnight. Why would you do that? -Why would you do that? To show myself how brave I am. The issue's in doubt, you know--since I'm always for peace-- -To show myself how brave I am. The issue's in doubt, you know--since I'm always for peace-- I'm amazed. -I'm amazed. Me, too. I know something not even the police know--what's in the park at midnight. Nothing. Or, when I'm in there, there's me in there. Fear and nobody and me. -Me, too. I know something not even the police know--what's in the park at midnight. Nothing. Or, when I'm in there, there's me in there. Fear and nobody and me. And maybe Paul. What about the murderers? They're in there! -And maybe Paul. What about the murderers? They're in there! They didn't murder me. -They didn't murder me. Paul's only twelve years old. -Paul's only twelve years old. He can make the sound of human footsteps--which is a terrifying sound. -He can make the sound of human footsteps--which is a terrifying sound. We've got to rescue him. -We've got to rescue him. If he is in the park, luck is all that can save him now, and there's plenty of that. -If he is in the park, luck is all that can save him now, and there's plenty of that. He's not your son. -He's not your son. "No. But he's going to be. If he is in the park and he comes out safely on the other side, I can say to him, ""You and I are the only men with balls enough to walk through the park at midnight."" On that we can build." -"No. But he's going to be. If he is in the park and he comes out safely on the other side, I can say to him, ""You and I are the only men with balls enough to walk through the park at midnight."" On that we can build." It's a jungle out there. -It's a jungle out there. That's been said before. -That's been said before. He'd go to a movie. I think that's what he'd do. If I were sure he was in a movie, I could stop worrying. We could have him paged. -You know each other? We met here earlier this evening. -We met here earlier this evening. How neat. How keen. -Thank you. Thank you very much. I believe in miracles now. -I'm taking her to the airport a few minutes from now. She's going to East St. Louis--to visit an aunt. Tell her to have a nice trip. -Tell her to have a nice trip. Thanks. -Get out of here. It's really that bad? -You fool, you fool. Oh--look at the poor, crucified violin, would you? -Everything's going to be beautiful. You fake! You're no better than the dumbest general in the Pentagon. You're not going to beat Harold. You're not going to beat anybody. You're not going to stay here, either--yammering and taunting until you're most gloriously killed. Go home! -Do it! Goodbye. -Hi kid. Would you look what the car dragged in. I'm glad you brought your vacuum cleaner. -I'm glad you brought your vacuum cleaner. Is that a fact? -Is that a fact? That maid just quit. The place is a mess. You can start in the master bedroom. -You've got to fight from time to time. Not true. -Not true. Or get eaten alive. -Or get eaten alive. That's not true either--or needn't be, unless we make it true. -That's not true either--or needn't be, unless we make it true. Phooey. -Phooey. Which we do. But we can stop doing that. -We simply stop doing that--dropping things on each other, eating each other alive. Penelope! We're late! -The late Mrs. Harold Ryan. I'm sick of this argument. I just have one more thing to say: If you elect a President, you support him, no matter what he does. That's the only way you can have a country! -I'm sick of this argument. I just have one more thing to say: If you elect a President, you support him, no matter what he does. That's the only way you can have a country! It's the planet that's in ghastly trouble now and all our brothers and sisters thereon. -It's the planet that's in ghastly trouble now and all our brothers and sisters thereon. None of my relatives are Chinese Communists. Speak for yourself. -None of my relatives are Chinese Communists. Speak for yourself. Chinese maniacs and Russian maniacs and American maniacs and French maniacs and British maniacs have turned this lovely, moist, nourishing blue-green ball into a doomsday device. Let a radar set and a computer mistake a hawk or a meteor for a missile, and that's the end of mankind. -Chinese maniacs and Russian maniacs and American maniacs and French maniacs and British maniacs have turned this lovely, moist, nourishing blue-green ball into a doomsday device. Let a radar set and a computer mistake a hawk or a meteor for a missile, and that's the end of mankind. You can believe that if you want. I talk to guys like you, and I want to commit suicide. You get that weight-lifting set I sent you? -Start with the smallest weights. Every week add a pound or two. Maybe God has let everybody who ever lived be reborn--so he or she can see how it ends. Even Pithecanthropus erectus and Australopithecus and Sinanthropus pekensis and the Neanderthalers are back on Earth--to see how it ends. They're all on Times Square--making change for peepshows. Or recruiting Marines. -Maybe God has let everybody who ever lived be reborn--so he or she can see how it ends. Even Pithecanthropus erectus and Australopithecus and Sinanthropus pekensis and the Neanderthalers are back on Earth--to see how it ends. They're all on Times Square--making change for peepshows. Or recruiting Marines. You ever hear the story about the boy who carried a calf around the barn every day? -You ever hear the story about the boy who carried a calf around the barn every day? He died of a massive rupture. -He died of a massive rupture. You think you're so funny. You're not even funny. Right? Right? You don't hurt yourself if you start out slow. -You think you're so funny. You're not even funny. Right? Right? You don't hurt yourself if you start out slow. You're preparing him for a career in the slaughterhouses of Dubuque? Take care of your body, yes! But don't become a bender of horseshoes and railroad spikes. Don't become obsessed by your musculature. Any one of these poor, dead animals here was a thousand times the athlete you can ever hope to be. Their magic was in their muscles. Your magic is in your brains! -Kid--kid-- It's good. Let him go. -It's good. Let him go. If he'd just come out for the Little League, the way I asked him, he'd find out we touch all the time--shove each other, slug each other, and just horse around. I'm going to go get him-- -If he'd just come out for the Little League, the way I asked him, he'd find out we touch all the time--shove each other, slug each other, and just horse around. I'm going to go get him-- Don't! Let him have all the privacy he wants. Let him grieve, let him rage. There has never been a funeral for his father. -If he'd just get into scouting, and camp out some, and see how everybody roughhouses around the fire-- What a beautiful demonstration this is of the utter necessity of rites of passage. -What a beautiful demonstration this is of the utter necessity of rites of passage. I feel like I've been double- crossed. If you'd just told me it was Harold's birthday-- -Minors aren't allowed at fights. Then we'd stay home and eat venison or something, and look through the scrapbooks. I've got a friend who has a whole freezer full of striped bass and caribou meat. I'm going to bring that boy back. -"""Happy Birthday, Wanda June!""" "We can take off the ""Wanda June"" with a butter knife." -We have this new club up here in Heaven. Yes, we do. -Yes, we do. We only have two members so far, but it's growing all the time. -We only have two members so far, but it's growing all the time. We have enough for a shuffleboard team. In Heaven, shuffleboard is everything. Hitler plays shuffleboard. -We have enough for a shuffleboard team. In Heaven, shuffleboard is everything. Hitler plays shuffleboard. Albert Einstein plays shuffleboard. -Albert Einstein plays shuffleboard. Mozart plays shuffleboard. -Mozart plays shuffleboard. Lewis Carroll, who wrote Alice in Wonderland, plays shuffleboard. -Lewis Carroll, who wrote Alice in Wonderland, plays shuffleboard. Jack the Ripper plays shuffleboard. -Jack the Ripper plays shuffleboard. Walt Disney, who gave us Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, plays shuffleboard. Jesus Christ plays shuffleboard. -Walt Disney, who gave us Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, plays shuffleboard. Jesus Christ plays shuffleboard. "It was almost worth the trip--to find out that Jesus Christ in Heaven was just another guy, playing shuffleboard. I like his sense of humor, though--you know? He's got a blue-and-gold warm-up jacket he wears. You know what it says on the back? ""Pontius Pilate Athletic Club."" Most people don't get it. Most people think there really is a Pontius Pilate Athletic Club." -"It was almost worth the trip--to find out that Jesus Christ in Heaven was just another guy, playing shuffleboard. I like his sense of humor, though--you know? He's got a blue-and-gold warm-up jacket he wears. You know what it says on the back? ""Pontius Pilate Athletic Club."" Most people don't get it. Most people think there really is a Pontius Pilate Athletic Club." We're going to have jackets, aren't we? -We're going to have jackets, aren't we? "You bet! ""The Harold Ryan Fan Club."" Pink, eh? With a yellow streak up the back. We got very good tailor shops up here. They'll make you any kind of uniform, any kind of sweatsuit you want. Judas Iscariot--he's got this black jacket with a skull and crossbones over the heart. He walks around all hunched over, and he never looks anybody in the eye, and written on the back of his jacket are the words, ""Go take a flying--" -Hello. My name is Beatrice. Have you been here before? No. -No. What we offer here is nude body to body contact on a bed in a private room. It's twenty dollars a half hour, thirty dollars an hour. Anything else you desire may be discussed in the privacy of your room. Tips are allowed. We accept Bank Americard, Master Charge and American Express. -What we offer here is nude body to body contact on a bed in a private room. It's twenty dollars a half hour, thirty dollars an hour. Anything else you desire may be discussed in the privacy of your room. Tips are allowed. We accept Bank Americard, Master Charge and American Express. I don't really want... 'body to body contact.' -I don't really want... 'body to body contact.' That you may discuss with the girl of your choice in the privacy of your room. -No. I don't think so. You sure? We have regular sessions, too. Only twenty dollars? -You're not exactly the type we're looking for. You mean I'm black? -You mean I'm black? No, just not the type. -No, just not the type. What do you mean, not the type? Don't you know who I am? I'm Big Dick Brown! I've been in more porno movies than you ever saw. I've worked with Harry Reems. I've worked with Johnny Wad. Not the type! I can come ten times a day. I can keep it hard two hours at a time. My cock is nine inches long. -What do you mean, not the type? Don't you know who I am? I'm Big Dick Brown! I've been in more porno movies than you ever saw. I've worked with Harry Reems. I've worked with Johnny Wad. Not the type! I can come ten times a day. I can keep it hard two hours at a time. My cock is nine inches long. I'm sorry, Mr. Brown. I'm sure you're very good, but at the moment, I've got nothing for you. If something comes up, we'll give you a call. -I'm sorry, Mr. Brown. I'm sure you're very good, but at the moment, I've got nothing for you. If something comes up, we'll give you a call. Shit! You just don't want to hire a nigger, that's all. I knew this was a scam. I shouldn'ta come. -The boy your daughter was talking to didn't work at the park. We've interviewed everybody there. But is she, has... -But is she, has... There's no evidence of any foul play at present. I hope she's just a runaway. -There's no evidence of any foul play at present. I hope she's just a runaway. There's something wrong here. Kristen is not the type of girl to just up and leave. -There's something wrong here. Kristen is not the type of girl to just up and leave. I said I hope she's a runaway. Better that than she just disappears like so many others do. Sometimes they turn up years later, sometimes not. A lot of crimes go unreported, unknown. These are realities. -I said I hope she's a runaway. Better that than she just disappears like so many others do. Sometimes they turn up years later, sometimes not. A lot of crimes go unreported, unknown. These are realities. What are you doing? -What are you doing? Two officers have been assigned to the case. I can't keep them on indefinitely, but we'll go through every lead. -Apparently your friend has gone into Mexico. A Border Guard responded to the APB. How does it feel to have the L.A.P.D. doing your work for you? You're going to thank me for this. You know what the media's like. They love this kinda shit. If that guy goes off half-cocked and gets himself hurt, you're going to have so much bad publicity, you... -You're going to thank me for this. You know what the media's like. They love this kinda shit. If that guy goes off half-cocked and gets himself hurt, you're going to have so much bad publicity, you... I heard you the first time. We had nothing to go on with this kid. Just a runaway. Do you really think he's in danger? -I heard you the first time. We had nothing to go on with this kid. Just a runaway. Do you really think he's in danger? If he has anything to say about it, yeah. I've been asking a lot of questions and I don't like the answers I'm getting. He's made a lot of people nervous, including some poor faggot who thought he was going to be a movie star. -If he has anything to say about it, yeah. I've been asking a lot of questions and I don't like the answers I'm getting. He's made a lot of people nervous, including some poor faggot who thought he was going to be a movie star. We aren't gonna arrest him for that... -We aren't gonna arrest him for that... Big threat. TV would ream you. -Big threat. TV would ream you. Keep me informed of what he's up to. You help me, I'll help you. -No. We offer Female Wrestling, that is, nude body to body contact, with a girl of your choice in a private room. Twenty dollars a half hour, thirty dollars hour. Any other arrangements may be discussed in the privacy of your room. Tipping is permitted. We accept Bank Americard, Master Charge and American Express. -We offer Female Wrestling, that is, nude body to body contact, with a girl of your choice in a private room. Twenty dollars a half hour, thirty dollars hour. Any other arrangements may be discussed in the privacy of your room. Tipping is permitted. We accept Bank Americard, Master Charge and American Express. Yeah. -Yeah. Do you want to take a session? -Do you want to take a session? I just want to ask some questions. -I just want to ask some questions. You may do that in the privacy of your room. -You may do that in the privacy of your room. Okay. I'll take a half hour. -Okay. I'll take a half hour. Do you have any particular choice of girl? -Do you have any particular choice of girl? You'll be fine. -You're still dressed? Well, I want to... -Well, I want to... Sit down. Make yourself comfortable. My name's Felice. -There's a girl I want to ask you about. You're not Vice, are you? Do you work for the Los Angeles Police Department, or do you have any other affiliation with any law enforcement agency? -You're not Vice, are you? Do you work for the Los Angeles Police Department, or do you have any other affiliation with any law enforcement agency? No, I don't. -No, I don't. I have to ask you that. If you were Vice you couldn't deny it. You ought to dress less square. You wouldn't get hassled so much. Here, let me help you get that tie off. -Well, actually I wanted to ask about this girl. I have her picture here. Pull out your cock. -Pull out your cock. What? -What? Cops aren't allowed to do that either. A judge ruled that that was entrapment. Don't ask me why. I guess he figured the sight of a Vice Officer's dong would make a girl unable to stop herself. -No, Felice, I'm not a cop. In fact, right now I've got as little respect for the police as you do. I'm looking for a girl. A runaway. I need someone to help me. Are you going to stiff me? -Are you going to stiff me? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Look, that twenty dollars you just paid, I don't get any of that. That goes to the guys that own this place. I get two bucks an hour, minus ten percent for a bail fund. I make all my money on tips. -Look, that twenty dollars you just paid, I don't get any of that. That goes to the guys that own this place. I get two bucks an hour, minus ten percent for a bail fund. I make all my money on tips. You want a tip? -You want a tip? Sure. What do you want? Tips can be anywhere from thirty dollars to seventy dollars. -Sure. What do you want? Tips can be anywhere from thirty dollars to seventy dollars. What do you mean? -What do you mean? What do you want to tip me for? Look, you got to spell it out. Whatever you want, just say it. -What do you want to tip me for? Look, you got to spell it out. Whatever you want, just say it. I'll give you a tip. Here's forty dollars. -Now, what do you want? I said I just wanted to talk to you... -I said I just wanted to talk to you... That's cool. -That's cool. ...about this woman. I'm trying to find her. Do you know her? -...about this woman. I'm trying to find her. Do you know her? Look, I don't know anybody. I never seen her before. -I'm getting angry. Wait a minute, that's going to cost you more than forty bucks. -Wait a minute, that's going to cost you more than forty bucks. I'm getting angry. I want some answers. Where's the guy who runs this place? -Who is it? That blond guy? Where is he? I'm going to talk to someone. Wait? -Wait? Where is he? Where's the bastard that runs this shit hole? -I'd like to place a 'Personals' ad in the Free Press. How many weeks? -How many weeks? Just one. -Just one. The rate is a dollar per line, a dollar and a half bold face. -'Film Producer' -- that should be in caps, bold face. Okay. -Okay. 'Film Producer seeks young men, 18 to 25, for hardcore film. Prior film experience a must. Call Jake at Players Motel. 777 Vine. 463-5671. -Hello. You want some information? Yeah. -Yeah. We offer... -We offer... Yeah, yeah... -Yeah, yeah... ...the disciplines: bondage, domination and humiliation. -...the disciplines: bondage, domination and humiliation. I'm looking for Tod. Is he in? -I'm looking for Tod. Is he in? I don't know no Tod. -I don't know no Tod. What girls you got here? -What girls you got here? My name is Hope. This is Faith. Charity's in back. -My name is Hope. This is Faith. Charity's in back. That's all you got, three girls? -That's all you got, three girls? Man, how many girls do you need? -Man, how many girls do you need? I was told there was a real nice girl here named Joanne. Quite young. -I was told there was a real nice girl here named Joanne. Quite young. That's Charity. She's out back. She'll be free in half hour. -Is this all the display space we can get? I tried to get more, but this is the limit. The De Vries line has the same area. -What do you think of this... ah, shade of blue, Mary. I like it, Mr. Van Dorn. -I like it, Mr. Van Dorn. Don't you think it's a little too... bright? -Don't you think it's a little too... bright? Not really. But if you want me to tone it down... -Not really. But if you want me to tone it down... No, no. I wouldn't hire a display designer if I didn't trust her taste. Maybe we should bring in more of that shade. Perhaps a stripe across the back wall. -No, that would be much too overpowering. Yeah, overpowering. That was the word I was looking for. -Yeah, overpowering. That was the word I was looking for. Mr. Van Dorn, I've worked on the color scheme for weeks. I think it's just right. -Mr. Van Dorn, I've worked on the color scheme for weeks. I think it's just right. What's that shade of blue called? -What's that shade of blue called? Pavonine. It's the same tint as the stripe in the fabric. -Are you still going with that fella that teaches at Grand Valley? Sam? -Sam? Yeah. He's a nice guy. Don't lose him. Maybe we could tone down this stripe a bit. It's a little... -Yeah. He's a nice guy. Don't lose him. Maybe we could tone down this stripe a bit. It's a little... Overpowering? -Overpowering? Yeah. -Yeah. Okay, Mr. Van Dorn, I think we could knock that Pavonine blue a bit. -Okay, Mr. Van Dorn, I think we could knock that Pavonine blue a bit. Are you sure it's all right? -Are you sure it's all right? Yes. I think it'll look better. -Yes. I think it'll look better. If you say so. -Kristen went on that convention today, didn't she? Yeah. How did you know? -Are you the star of this picture? You kidding? Three days work. I finish tonight. -You kidding? Three days work. I finish tonight. The other girl is the star? -The other girl is the star? She thinks so. What do you do? -She thinks so. What do you do? I work with Ramada. We're doing some pictures together. -I work with Ramada. We're doing some pictures together. Well, next time you talk to him, tell him to pay his actresses more. -Are you Niki? Sure. Like in Mikey and Niki. Did you see that picture? -Sure. Like in Mikey and Niki. Did you see that picture? No. -No. Too bad. I wasn't in it. -It's your money. You talk. I'm making a film. Jim Sullivan's going to be in it. He said you might know where Tod is. -I'm making a film. Jim Sullivan's going to be in it. He said you might know where Tod is. Do I know you? Weren't you on the set the other night? With Ramada. -Do I know you? Weren't you on the set the other night? With Ramada. Yeah. -Yeah. You making a feature? -You making a feature? Um-hm. Live sound. -Um-hm. Live sound. Got any parts? I'm free. Not free- free, but, you know, free. I don't really do this. -Joanne? You know her? -You know her? No. I saw her with Tod. -No. I saw her with Tod. Do you know where she lives? -Do you know where she lives? Nah. -Nah. Do you know where she would be? -Where is she? Tod might know. -Tod might know. Where's he? -Where's he? Last I heard he went to San Diego. -Last I heard he went to San Diego. If we went there, would you be able to find him? -If we went there, would you be able to find him? You're not a film producer, are you? -You're not a film producer, are you? How much do you make a week, Niki? -Are you a private detective? Something like that. How much do you make? -Something like that. How much do you make? Here? What a joke. There was some detective asking about that girl. -Here? What a joke. There was some detective asking about that girl. Three hundred? -Three hundred? This is just temporary. I once made nine hundred in outcall. -This is just temporary. I once made nine hundred in outcall. I'll give you $700 a week, cash, if you help me find this girl. -I'll give you $700 a week, cash, if you help me find this girl. Up front? -Up front? Half now, half later. -Half now, half later. Make it nine hundred. That was my best week. -Make it nine hundred. That was my best week. Okay. My client pays for it anyway. -Okay. My client pays for it anyway. When do we start? -When do we start? Tonight. When you get out, we'll go. Why didn't you tell the other detective? -Tonight. When you get out, we'll go. Why didn't you tell the other detective? This is different. This is nine hundred dollars. -I thought you were going to bed? I am. -No. Huh? -Huh? Niki. Calm down. Relax. Let's just talk for a while. Then, later, you'll go back to your room and we'll get some sleep. -You have anything to drink? You want to go out and get something? I don't drink, but you can go out. -I don't drink, but you can go out. You don't drink? -You don't drink? Ulcers. -You're not a private detective either, are you? No. -No. I didn't think so. I've fucked detectives. Who are you? -I didn't think so. I've fucked detectives. Who are you? A friend. -A friend. Of Joanne's? -Of Joanne's? Yeah. I'm her father. -Yeah. I'm her father. Jesus. -Jesus. Her name is Kristen. She disappeared a couple of months ago. -Her name is Kristen. She disappeared a couple of months ago. And your wife? Where's she? -And your wife? Where's she? She's dead. -She's dead. Hey, don't worry about it. Your daughter's around. We'll find her in a couple days. -You really shouldn't eat like that. All that sugar. It's not good for you. At least I'm a growing person. -At least I'm a growing person. You won't keep growing at this rate. -You won't keep growing at this rate. What rate? -What rate? You know what I'm talking about. -You know what I'm talking about. You never met a working girl before, have you? You think I like sucking off guys all night? Maybe I do. So what? You can't even say it, can you? -You never met a working girl before, have you? You think I like sucking off guys all night? Maybe I do. So what? You can't even say it, can you? Say what? -Say what? 'Sucking off.' -'Sucking off.' Okay. Sucking off. Now does that make me as good as you? -Okay. Sucking off. Now does that make me as good as you? You don't understand shit. -You don't understand shit. Okay, tell me. Why do you live like you do? -Okay, tell me. Why do you live like you do? Did you ever live in a room with six people and you didn't have any money, any food, any furniture? Have your brother come out, his car break down, he can't get a job? Your friends stealing food, going through trash behind a supermarket? -Did you ever live in a room with six people and you didn't have any money, any food, any furniture? Have your brother come out, his car break down, he can't get a job? Your friends stealing food, going through trash behind a supermarket? Is that the way it was with you? -Is that the way it was with you? No. But does it make any difference? How did you get to be the way you are? -Don't knock it. A girl can save up a lot money doing this -- big money. Then you're free. You can go off to Europe, meet somebody, get married. My girlfriend's going to buy her own beauty parlor. Not me. I'm gonna travel. 'Keep movin' that's my motto. Would you rather work at Copper Penny at a dollar-eighty an hour, having every two-bit cocksucker able to yell at you? I can make more money suc... doing what I do for five minutes than I can all week at another job. You used to work at Copper Penny? -You used to work at Copper Penny? No. -No. You and I, Niki, have very different ideas about sex. -You and I, Niki, have very different ideas about sex. Why? Are you a sex fiend? -Why? Are you a sex fiend? No. -No. Neither am I. -Neither am I. But it's all you do. -But it's all you do. How important do you think sex is? -How important do you think sex is? Not very. -Not very. We're just alike. You think sex is so unimportant you don't do it. I think sex is so unimportant I don't care who I do it with. -I don't see why I must justify myself to you. I don't care about the things you do. I don't care what's happening in New York or Los Angeles. I don't care about movies or TV. I don't care who's on Johnny Carson. What do you care about? -What do you care about? I care about my daughter. -What's T-J? Tijuana. -Tijuana. They were here? -They were here? Tod was. He was with Ratan. -Tod was. He was with Ratan. What does that mean? What does he do? -What does that mean? What does he do? He deals in pain. -He deals in pain. Is Kristen safe? -You have to believe in something. What do they believe in -- the Whatjamacillit church? Christian Reformed. It's a Dutch Calvinist denomination. -Christian Reformed. It's a Dutch Calvinist denomination. Do they believe in reincarnation? I believe in reincarnation. -Do they believe in reincarnation? I believe in reincarnation. They believe in the 'TULIP.' -They believe in the 'TULIP.' What the crap? -What the crap? It's an anagram. It comes from the Canons of Dort. Every letter stands for a different belief. T-U-L-I-P. Like -- are you sure you're interested in this? -It's an anagram. It comes from the Canons of Dort. Every letter stands for a different belief. T-U-L-I-P. Like -- are you sure you're interested in this? Yeah, yeah, go on. -Yeah, yeah, go on. T stands for Total depravity, that is, all men, through original sin, are totally evil and incapable of good. 'All my works are like filthy rags in the sight of the Lord.' -T stands for Total depravity, that is, all men, through original sin, are totally evil and incapable of good. 'All my works are like filthy rags in the sight of the Lord.' Shit. -Be that as it may. U is for Unconditional Election. God has chosen a certain number of people to be saved, The Elect, and He has chosen them from the beginning of time. L is for Limited Atonement. Only a limited number will be atoned, will go to Heaven. Fuck. -Fuck. I can stop if you want. -I can stop if you want. No, please go on. -I is for Irresistible Grace. God's grace cannot be resisted or denied. And P is for the Perseverance of the Saints. Once you are in Grace you cannot fall from the number of the elect. And that's the 'TULIP.' Wait, wait. I'm trying to figure this out. This is like Rona Barrett. Before you become saved, God already knows who you are? -Wait, wait. I'm trying to figure this out. This is like Rona Barrett. Before you become saved, God already knows who you are? He has to. That's Predestination. If God is omniscient, if He knows everything -- and He wouldn't be God if He didn't -- then He must have known, even before the creation of the world, the names of those who would be saved. -He has to. That's Predestination. If God is omniscient, if He knows everything -- and He wouldn't be God if He didn't -- then He must have known, even before the creation of the world, the names of those who would be saved. So it's already worked out. The fix is in? -So it's already worked out. The fix is in? More or less. -More or less. Wow. Then why be good? Either you're saved or you ain't. -Wow. Then why be good? Either you're saved or you ain't. Out of gratitude for being chosen. That's where Grace comes in. God first chooses you, then allows you, by Grace, to choose Him of your own free will. -Out of gratitude for being chosen. That's where Grace comes in. God first chooses you, then allows you, by Grace, to choose Him of your own free will. You really believe all that? -You really believe all that? Yeah. Well, mostly. -Yeah. Well, mostly. I thought I was fucked up. -I thought I was fucked up. I'll admit it's confusing from the outside. You've got to see it from the inside. -I'll admit it's confusing from the outside. You've got to see it from the inside. If you see anything from the inside it makes sense. You ought to hear perverts talk. A guy once almost had me convinced to let his dachshund fuck me. -If you see anything from the inside it makes sense. You ought to hear perverts talk. A guy once almost had me convinced to let his dachshund fuck me. It's not quite the same thing. -It's not quite the same thing. It doesn't make any sense to me. -Tod'll meet you at the bookstore at Eddy and O'Farrell tomorrow noon. I told him you were a 'specialty' customer. Why can't I meet him now? -Rot in hell, honey. He's busy now. Where does he live. -Where does he live. Just a second. It's my ass I'm risking. You better do it my way. These fuckers don't mess around. -I must have been in more motel rooms this week than in the rest of my life. At least it feels that way. I know what you mean. After a while they all look the same. -I know what you mean. After a while they all look the same. They are the same. -They are the same. Do you live in a house back in wherever. -Do you live in a house back in wherever. Grand Rapids? Of course. -Grand Rapids? Of course. On your own land? -Look, I really don't know your daughter but... But what? -But what? I wouldn't expect too much. I mean about her coming back. Once a girl gets into the life. -I wouldn't expect too much. I mean about her coming back. Once a girl gets into the life. What makes you so sure? -What makes you so sure? You wife isn't dead is she? -Why do you say that? Just a guess. She ain't dead though is she? -She left you right? Yeah. She was the one called Joanne. How'd you find that out? -Yeah. She was the one called Joanne. How'd you find that out? Just a guess. Did you have it good with your wife? You know, sex. -I don't blame you, Niki. Really I don't. It's this culture, where everything's based on sex, sold on sex... ...magazines, music, TV. It's destroying everything. Buy this 'cause of sex, use this 'cause of sex. Kids think it's normal. They think they're supposed to talk dirty, wear scanty clothes... Don't get upset. I lied too. I don't make no five hundred dollars a week. Everything I make goes to Granville. -Don't get upset. I lied too. I don't make no five hundred dollars a week. Everything I make goes to Granville. Granville? -Granville? My man. 'Pimp.' I split 'cause he don't treat me for shit. Thinks he's so cool 'cause he's black. I once tried to take my clothes but he says, 'You can't take 'em 'cause they're my clothes -- I bought 'em.' Yeah, with my fucking money... -Look, Niki, this really isn't my business. I don't know anything about... So I guess we're both fucked, huh? But at least you get to go to heaven. I don't get shit. -Did you find out where she was? Tod gave me the slip. I have to find him again. Where does he live? -Tod gave me the slip. I have to find him again. Where does he live? What happened? -What happened? Where is he? -Where is he? I can't tell you that. -Listen, Niki. My daughter's been missing five months. I've gone through a lot to find out what's happened to her. I just saw a girl killed. I will not let Tod slip out of my hands. You have to tell me where he is. But then you'll forget about me. -But then you'll forget about me. Where is he, Niki? -Those cops, like all cops, are intelligent enough, but they are masters of de-ductive reason. That is, you ask them what three and two are they'll tell you five, but if you ask them what five is, they go blank. That's spec-u-lative reasoning, and that's where I come in. Well, what do they know? -Well, what do they know? Dogshit. Worse yet, they don't care. -Dogshit. Worse yet, they don't care. So then, Mr. Mast... -So then, Mr. Mast... Andy. -Andy. ...What do you have to offer? -...What do you have to offer? Let me ask you a personal question, a painful one. The first of many. Tell me, was your daughter the kind of girl to run around, to, ah, play practical jokes, maybe? -No, I didn't think she was. Let me get the picture here. Let me guess. She was an absolutely clean girl, a model daughter, she never had rebellious or impure thoughts, she didn't fuck around... If I was you, Mr. Mast, I'd watch my language. -If I was you, Mr. Mast, I'd watch my language. Hey, I'm a private detective, Van Dorn, you want to hire a choir boy you can go back to Grand Rapids. I've been to that scumbag town. It's full of them. -Hey, I'm a private detective, Van Dorn, you want to hire a choir boy you can go back to Grand Rapids. I've been to that scumbag town. It's full of them. Who's paying you? -Who's paying you? You are. -You are. That's right. -That's right. As I was saying, I'll pick up the thread. There's a number of ways I can go. There's not much you can do here. Stay if you want. Maybe it'd be better if you went back home. Go through Kristen's personal stuff. Ask around, maybe she knew somebody out here. Look, I do this a lot. I work at a minimum rate of $750.00 a week. It may seem like a lot of money to you, but it ain't. You could hire cheaper. -As I was saying, I'll pick up the thread. There's a number of ways I can go. There's not much you can do here. Stay if you want. Maybe it'd be better if you went back home. Go through Kristen's personal stuff. Ask around, maybe she knew somebody out here. Look, I do this a lot. I work at a minimum rate of $750.00 a week. It may seem like a lot of money to you, but it ain't. You could hire cheaper. And better? -And better? I suppose. But I'll tell you, Jake, I'm like a little animal. When I get my teeth into something I never let go. If your daughter's here, I'll track her down. -Hello? Mr. Van Dorn? -Mr. Van Dorn? Mast? -Mast? Yeah. -Yeah. Where are you? The connection sounds very good. -Where are you? The connection sounds very good. I'm back in Grand Rapids. -I'm back in Grand Rapids. In G.R.? Why? -In G.R.? Why? Can you meet me in about an hour? At the Pantlind Hotel? -Can you meet me in about an hour? At the Pantlind Hotel? I've got a meeting... -I've got a meeting... What are you paying me for? -What are you paying me for? I'll be there. -This used to be a real city. I was here about fifteen years ago. Embezzlement case. It was always a little religious for my taste, but at least it was a city. With a downtown and all. What have you found out? -What have you found out? I've got some news. Your daughter's all right. At least I think she is. -I've got some news. Your daughter's all right. At least I think she is. Where is she? -Where is she? I don't know. -I don't know. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Have you ever seen any, ah, pornographic movies, Jake? -Have you ever seen any, ah, pornographic movies, Jake? No. -No. "Do you know what a ""hardcore"" movie is?" -"Do you know what a ""hardcore"" movie is?" That's like a stag film. -That's like a stag film. Yeah. You ever seen any of those? -Yeah. You ever seen any of those? No. -No. They're legal now. -They're legal now. They are? -They are? Yeah. All over. Even here in Grand Rapids. -Yeah. All over. Even here in Grand Rapids. Hmm. -Hmm. There's a little stall theatre up here. It's closed now, but I'm borrowing it for an hour. I think there's something you'd better see. -Where is she? I don't know. -I don't know. Where did you get that film? -I bought it at a store in L.A. Who made it? -Who made it? I don't know. -I don't know. What do you mean? -Wait. Slow down. A film like this, 16mm, cost two three hundred dollars, sold outright, shown in peep machines, maybe theatres, maybe not, is almost impossible to track. 'Nobody' makes it; 'nobody' shows it; 'nobody' sees it. It's like it doesn't even exist. What's it called? -What's it called? It was called 'Slave of Love' when I bought it. Next time it's sold, it'll be called something else. -It was called 'Slave of Love' when I bought it. Next time it's sold, it'll be called something else. But the police... -But the police... The police? They know less than you do. -The police? They know less than you do. Do you think she's safe? -Do you think she's safe? Yeah. Probably. -Yeah. Probably. You like this, don't you. Showing me... this. -You like this, don't you. Showing me... this. I hate it. But you gotta know, buddy. A lot of strange things happen in this world. Things you don't know about in Grand Rapids. Things you don't want to know about. Doors that should never be opened. I've known more about this sort of thing than a man should. Don't ask me why. -I ain't cheated you, Pilgrim. This is research, damn it! That girl could have told us something. Research, my ass. I suppose these are the 'extra expenses' I've been paying for? And in the middle of the morning, too. -Oh, fuck off. You should stay where you belong. Get out. Get out of here, Goddammit. -I'm only human, you know. Get out. -Get out. But this is my apartment. -But this is my apartment. Get out! -What are you doing here? I felt like such a shit, pilgrim, after what I did to you -- not that I did anything wrong -- that I kept investigating, poking around. There's some poor s.o.b. in L.A. with his face all bent out of shape who you've damaged his movie career. Lucky for him, people don't look at his face. -I felt like such a shit, pilgrim, after what I did to you -- not that I did anything wrong -- that I kept investigating, poking around. There's some poor s.o.b. in L.A. with his face all bent out of shape who you've damaged his movie career. Lucky for him, people don't look at his face. Do the police want to arrest me? -Do the police want to arrest me? Nah. They don't care about some faggot hustler. They're more interested in your daughter's health -- and yours. Like I am. -Nah. They don't care about some faggot hustler. They're more interested in your daughter's health -- and yours. Like I am. Yeah, sure. -Yeah, sure. Listen, pilgrim, you're way out on a limb here. You don't know what you're into. -Listen, pilgrim, you're way out on a limb here. You don't know what you're into. You sure as hell haven't been any help. -You sure as hell haven't been any help. I'm sorry about that. Have you found anything out? You've got to tell me. -I'm sorry about that. Have you found anything out? You've got to tell me. Why don't you tell me something for a change? -Why don't you tell me something for a change? Like what? -Like what? Who is Ratan? -Where'd you hear that name? I just heard. Who is he? -You know, it's possible to buy anything on this earth. You can buy child whores, slaves. You can have people raped, killed... One of the men who supposedly arranges such things is named Ratan. He usually isn't in this country. How'd you hear about him? It's just a name. -It's just a name. Don't do anything more. I'll find out what I can. -Don't do anything more. I'll find out what I can. Does she know anything about this? -Does she know anything about this? Who? The whore? No. She's just a victim. A dime a dozen. -What happened, pilgrim? Just leave me alone. -Just leave me alone. But I'm here to help you... -Andy, can you do something for her? Maybe money... Go home, pilgrim. There's nothing you can do. Forget this place. Start over. -You want to go for coffee after we send the girls off? No. Thanks anyway. I've got to get over to the office. -No. Thanks anyway. I've got to get over to the office. Anne wants to make sure you come over for dinner Sunday. With Kristen gone you'll be all alone. -What is it, Jake? Wes, Anne, come here a moment. -What happened? They don't know. They were having some recreation deal out at Knott's Berry Farm and Kristen wasn't there when they got back to the bus and they couldn't find her. -Is Marsha there? Yeah. She's quite upset. I'm going to fly out today. They want me to bring some pictures. -Yeah. She's quite upset. I'm going to fly out today. They want me to bring some pictures. I'll come with you. Let me pack some things. -How's your business, Jake? Pretty good. -Pretty good. You should come around more often. You haven't been around for weeks. Anne complains she doesn't see you anymore. -Jake? How did you find me? -How did you find me? I called every L.A. hotel. The Holiday Inn gave this as a referral number. Your office said you had no business in New York, so I figured you had come out here. What's happening, Jake? What are you doing? Nobody's heard from you. Anne's worried sick. We didn't know if you were dead or alive. -Wes, do me a favor. What? -What? Leave me alone. Go home. Go away. -Just do what I say. Don't ask. What is going on? -What is going on? I think I've found a way to find Kristen. I have a plan. But I have to be alone. -I think I've found a way to find Kristen. I have a plan. But I have to be alone. What plan? -What plan? You don't want to know. Now, Wes, leave, please. For me. -You don't want to know. Now, Wes, leave, please. For me. What will I tell the others? They care about you. -What will I tell the others? They care about you. Tell them anything you want. Tell them I'm on a vacation, a business trip. Tell them I needed a rest. Tell them anything, just don't tell them... -Hey man. We're casting for an explicit sex action feature... -We're casting for an explicit sex action feature... I know. Word's out on the street -- word's also out you ain't really hiring anyone. -I know. Word's out on the street -- word's also out you ain't really hiring anyone. That's not true, Mr...? -That's not true, Mr...? Jim Sullivan. Sometimes they call me Jism Jim. -Jim Sullivan. Sometimes they call me Jism Jim. That's not true, Jim. In fact, I think you're very close to the type we're looking for. -Oh yeah? I've done a lot of good stuff. Shorts, features. No major roles it's true. But good stuff. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. -Oh yeah? I remember that. It was made by some college kids. It was called 'Slave of Love.' -It was called 'Slave of Love.' God, I don't know what it was called. I never saw it. I only got twenty- five bucks for the whole Goddamned thing. -God, I don't know what it was called. I never saw it. I only got twenty- five bucks for the whole Goddamned thing. I thought you were quite good in it. I also like the girl in it. Really thought she was good. I wondered if she was still around. If she was still working. -Hey, stop, stop. I'll do anything you want. It's okay. I can dig it. You can do anything you want to me. Where is she? Where is the girl? -Where is she? Where is the girl? She's got a man. A white guy. Tod something or other. -She's got a man. A white guy. Tod something or other. Where does he hang out? -Where does he hang out? I don't know. -I don't know. Where! -Where! Look, I know this chick Niki. She works at Les Girls. She would know. Honest. -I hear you got money to spend. I hear you're interested in... interesting things. Yeah. -Yeah. Do you work for the San Francisco Police Department, or do you have any other affiliation with any law enforcement agency? -Do you work for the San Francisco Police Department, or do you have any other affiliation with any law enforcement agency? No. -No. What you got in mind? -What you got in mind? I want to meet Ratan. -I want to meet Ratan. What is that? A kind of chair? I never heard of no Ratan. -What is that? A kind of chair? I never heard of no Ratan. I was told that there were certain things that only Ratan could provide. -I was told that there were certain things that only Ratan could provide. You're talking about real excitement? -You're talking about real excitement? Yeah. I heard you and Ratan just came from Mexico. And that you had a film of a girl being, ah you know... -Yeah. I heard you and Ratan just came from Mexico. And that you had a film of a girl being, ah you know... Who told you about this? -Who told you about this? Rucker. -Rucker. I don't know no Ratan, but I may be able to help you out. It's not me, of course. Just helping out a friend. It'll cost you five hundred bucks for a single screening. -I don't know no Ratan, but I may be able to help you out. It's not me, of course. Just helping out a friend. It'll cost you five hundred bucks for a single screening. Is this with a girl named Kristen? -Is this with a girl named Kristen? Um-hm. You got the five hundred? -Um-hm. You got the five hundred? Well... -Well... Take it or leave it. -Take it or leave it. Okay. -Okay. Meet me here today at seven o'clock. With the money. Then we'll go see the film. -Meet me here today at seven o'clock. With the money. Then we'll go see the film. Good. -What do you want? Do I know you from somewhere? I want to know where my daughter is. Her name is Kristen, or Joanne. She's with you. -I want to know where my daughter is. Her name is Kristen, or Joanne. She's with you. I don't know what you're talking about. -You wait here. I'll find out where she is. You ain't goin' nowhere alone. -Where's Ratan? Who? -That film was a fake! Everything's phony... Ratan! -Who the fuck knows? The Four Aces. He goes there. Let's go. -Fifty cents admission. What? -What? It's fifty cents admission. It's applicable to a purchase. -Do you have a, ah, film called 'Slave of Love?' What we got is just these here. What you see. -What we got is just these here. What you see. It's a short film. -It's a short film. They're all about the same. You want something? -This is from the movie I was talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. -I don't know what you're talking about. I wondered if you had ever seen this film or this woman... ...right here. -I wondered if you had ever seen this film or this woman... ...right here. That girl? No, never saw her. I don't know anybody. -That girl? No, never saw her. I don't know anybody. I'm just trying to find... Who owns this store? -I'm just trying to find... Who owns this store? I don't know. Look, man, if you're looking for somebody maybe you ought to see the cops. -I don't know. Look, man, if you're looking for somebody maybe you ought to see the cops. But I... -But I... I don't know nothing, man. -You don't want anything for your fifty cents? No. -Here. Take your fifty cents back. That's all right. -That's all right. No, take it. I don't want your Goddamn fifty cents. -No. I walked up. Don't ride elevators. My secretary said you wanted to discuss a business proposition. -My secretary said you wanted to discuss a business proposition. Yes. I'm interested in financing an adult feature film. I was told you were the man to come to. -Yes. I'm interested in financing an adult feature film. I was told you were the man to come to. Film making can be pretty expensive... -I've got fifty thousand dollars to invest. Oh. Why is it that you want to get into film financing? -Oh. Why is it that you want to get into film financing? Well, Bill -- mind if I call you Bill? Let me be frank. I've made a lot of money. I've got my own business in Detroit. Rivets. I make rivets and sell them to Fisher Body. Well, rivets, you know, can get pretty boring after a while. When my business manager told me I should shelter some money, I thought I'd try this. -Well, Bill -- mind if I call you Bill? Let me be frank. I've made a lot of money. I've got my own business in Detroit. Rivets. I make rivets and sell them to Fisher Body. Well, rivets, you know, can get pretty boring after a while. When my business manager told me I should shelter some money, I thought I'd try this. What exactly do you have in mind? -What exactly do you have in mind? I thought I'd invest in a film. I want to sort of become involved in the process of making a film, meet the people who make films, learn how it's done... -I thought I'd invest in a film. I want to sort of become involved in the process of making a film, meet the people who make films, learn how it's done... In other words, you want to get laid? -In other words, you want to get laid? Not exactly... -Not exactly... It's cool. Why do you think I got in the movies? How much poon do you think you get in the car wash business? Look, fifty thousand dollars buys a lot of pussy. You can get your joint pulled by beautiful girls every night for the rest of your life for fifty thousand dollars. So why fuck with the movie business? -It's cool. Why do you think I got in the movies? How much poon do you think you get in the car wash business? Look, fifty thousand dollars buys a lot of pussy. You can get your joint pulled by beautiful girls every night for the rest of your life for fifty thousand dollars. So why fuck with the movie business? It's an investment. -It's an investment. If you want to watch when we shoot a film, for fifty bucks, I let guys stand around and watch. It's a lot cheaper. -If you want to watch when we shoot a film, for fifty bucks, I let guys stand around and watch. It's a lot cheaper. I thought you were a businessman. -I thought you were a businessman. Don't get me wrong. A couple years ago, I woulda jumped at fifty thousand dollars possible financing. But the Lord's been good to me. I can now finance any films I choose. Big ones, small ones. Right now we're setting up a two hundred thousand dollar feature film. Live sound. I like to keep my own money in my films. That way you don't have to share the profits. There's plenty of guys in town that'll take it, though. But if I was you, Mr... what was your name again? -Don't get me wrong. A couple years ago, I woulda jumped at fifty thousand dollars possible financing. But the Lord's been good to me. I can now finance any films I choose. Big ones, small ones. Right now we're setting up a two hundred thousand dollar feature film. Live sound. I like to keep my own money in my films. That way you don't have to share the profits. There's plenty of guys in town that'll take it, though. But if I was you, Mr... what was your name again? Jake. -Jake. ...I'd just start my own business. That's what I did. Get into kid porn. That's big now. Why don't you come around the set? Meet some people. If you still want to invest, I'll ask around. -...I'd just start my own business. That's what I did. Get into kid porn. That's big now. Why don't you come around the set? Meet some people. If you still want to invest, I'll ask around. Sounds all right. -Sounds all right. Okay. Keep in touch with my secretary. -I got a picture here. I want you to tell me where to find this woman. I been asking everybody. Nobody knows anything. Calm down, mister. You don't want to get the cops in here do you? You got a family? -Calm down, mister. You don't want to get the cops in here do you? You got a family? I don't suppose you've ever seen this girl before either? Her name's Kristen, but I suppose you've never seen her? -I don't suppose you've ever seen this girl before either? Her name's Kristen, but I suppose you've never seen her? Why don't you just go outdoors, mister? Cool off. -Why don't you just go outdoors, mister? Cool off. Cool off, huh? How's this for cooling off? -Hold it, mister. What do you think of that? Or this? -You going to Knott's Berry Farm with him? He asked me. You going with anybody? -He asked me. You going with anybody? I don't know. -I don't know. You ever play Chicken? -You ever play Chicken? What's that? -What's that? You never heard of that? -You never heard of that? Com'on, tell me. -Com'on, tell me. Well, a boy goes like this, see. -What does that do? Well, each time he comes in closer, like this. -Ssh. I'm on a stakeout. Oh. -I'm staking out this beer bottle. Trying to find out if I'll finish it or it'll finish me. I'm worried about Jake. -I'm worried about Jake. I'm off that case. He fired me. -I'm off that case. He fired me. He didn't look good at all. Something strange is going on. He's got himself into some trouble. He wouldn't say what. -He didn't look good at all. Something strange is going on. He's got himself into some trouble. He wouldn't say what. I'll tell you, that was an interesting case. The Van Dorn girl. I've handled runaway cases like it before. Usually when you put the pressure on the porn underworld for an underage kid, she pops up in about a week. Everybody denies ever seeing her, but there she is at the airport with a prepaid ticket home. Well, I put pressure on all over town for this girl and it stayed cold as ice. In fact, certain people for this girl and -- nothing. I guess I gave your brother-in-law sort of a raw deal. -I want to rehire you. To find out what's happening to my brother-in- law. I've been on another case. All day. I suppose I can move it over. Seven fifty a week, plus travel expenses. -I've been on another case. All day. I suppose I can move it over. Seven fifty a week, plus travel expenses. Do you really think Kristen is just a runaway? -Maybe. Maybe not. I also want you to protect my brother- in-law. -I also want you to protect my brother- in-law. Huh? -Huh? You have to understand. He can be mean, self-righteous. He had a Vishund once. Loved that dog. He came home one day and the dog bit him. He took that dog and staked him out in the back yard. It was winter. Every day he came home and watched that dog until he froze. He's capable of doing anything. -You have to understand. He can be mean, self-righteous. He had a Vishund once. Loved that dog. He came home one day and the dog bit him. He took that dog and staked him out in the back yard. It was winter. Every day he came home and watched that dog until he froze. He's capable of doing anything. To his own daughter? -To his own daughter? To anybody. -You know Granville's looking for you, Niki? My name ain't Niki. It's Pattica, like in Attica. -My name ain't Niki. It's Pattica, like in Attica. Granville's looking for you anyway. -Granville's looking for you anyway. Who's that? -Who's that? The guy who bought you that ring. -The guy who bought you that ring. Well, he can just fuck himself. -You can fuck off, too. You're taking a big chance. -You're taking a big chance. I ain't ever gonna see him again anyway. -I ain't ever gonna see him again anyway. Oh no? What you gonna do? Get a job? -Jake'll take care of me. Who? Van Dorn? You must be kidding yourself, honey. You think once that guy finds his daughter he'll care about you? -Hey, piss-head, what brings you around? You don't have to get uppity with me, Bill. I remember when you was running that car wash and couldn't make it go. And what was that other thing you tried? A Dairy Queen? Went busted too. -You don't have to get uppity with me, Bill. I remember when you was running that car wash and couldn't make it go. And what was that other thing you tried? A Dairy Queen? Went busted too. At least I improved myself. What's up? -I want you to take a look at this girl here. She's been in some porn stuff. No, Andy. Don't know the kid. -No, Andy. Don't know the kid. Look again, Billy-boy. This is jail bait. Could get you in a lotta trouble. -Look again, Billy-boy. This is jail bait. Could get you in a lotta trouble. Nope never saw her before. Kurt, come over here. Don't use underage kids. Wouldn't touch 'em for all the cow shit in Mexico. You recognize this piece of wool, Kurt? -You remember me. Louise? Rhymes with squeeze. You working in San Diego now? -You working in San Diego now? I'm still in L.A., but I'm looking for Tod. I heard he was around. -I'm still in L.A., but I'm looking for Tod. I heard he was around. 'Was.' He and that shitheel Ratan went down to T-J. Maybe I shouldn't say that. Anyway, I hear he's back in Frisco now. -'Was.' He and that shitheel Ratan went down to T-J. Maybe I shouldn't say that. Anyway, I hear he's back in Frisco now. Was he with a girl? -Was he with a girl? No. -No. Thanks. -Hello, I'm Candy Gulf. How do you do. I'm Mrs. Chasen. Come in. -You are at the University, Candy? Yes, I am. -Yes, I am. And what are you studying? -And what are you studying? Poli. Sci. With a home ec minor. -Poli. Sci. With a home ec minor. Eh, Poli Sci? -Eh, Poli Sci? Political Science. It's all about what's going on. -He seems very nice. Is Harold interested in, eh, what's going on? I think it's such a super thing to study. And then, of course, I can always fall back on home ec. Yes, that's good planning. Tell me, are you a regular, Candy, in this computer club? -I think I should mention, Candy, that Harold does have his eccentric moments. Oh, yes? Well, that's all right. I've got a brother who's a real cut-up, too. I'll never forget the time we had this old TV set with no parts in it. Well, Tommy stuck his head behind it and started giving a newscast before the whole family. We were all hysterical. And here's little Tommy pretending to be Walter Cronkite. -Lady, you were going 70 miles an hour in a 45-mile zone. Could I see your license, please? Yes. Those little pieces of paper with your picture on it? -Yes. Those little pieces of paper with your picture on it? Yes. -Yes. Oh, I don't have one. -Oh, I don't have one. Come again. -Come again. I don't have one. I don't believe in them. -I don't have one. I don't believe in them. How long have you been driving? -How long have you been driving? About forty-five minutes, wouldn't you say, Harold? We were hoping to start sooner but, you see, it's rather hard to find a truck. -About forty-five minutes, wouldn't you say, Harold? We were hoping to start sooner but, you see, it's rather hard to find a truck. Could I see your registration? -Could I see your registration? I just don't think we have one, unless it's in the glove compartment. Could you look, Harold? -I just don't think we have one, unless it's in the glove compartment. Could you look, Harold? Isn't this your vehicle? -Isn't this your vehicle? No, no. I just took it. -No, no. I just took it. Took it? -Took it? Yes. You see I have to plant my tree. -Yes. You see I have to plant my tree. Your tree. -Your tree. Well, it's not really mine. I dug it up in front of the courthouse. We're transplanting it. Letting it breathe, you know. But, of course, we would like to get it into soil, as soon as possible. -Well, it's not really mine. I dug it up in front of the courthouse. We're transplanting it. Letting it breathe, you know. But, of course, we would like to get it into soil, as soon as possible. Lady, let me get this straight. -Lady, let me get this straight. All right, then, and we'll be off. Nice chatting with you. -Okay, lady. Out. Hello. -Haven't we met before? None of that, lady. -None of that, lady. Oh, well. Must have been your brother. -Oh, well. Must have been your brother. Out! -But there is a family resemblance. You too, Buster. Stand over here. Lady, you're in a heap of trouble. I have you down here for several violations; speeding, resisting arrest, driving without a license, driving a stolen vehicle, possession of a stolen tree... Where's the tree? -You too, Buster. Stand over here. Lady, you're in a heap of trouble. I have you down here for several violations; speeding, resisting arrest, driving without a license, driving a stolen vehicle, possession of a stolen tree... Where's the tree? We planted it. -We planted it. Is this your shovel? -Is this your shovel? No. -No. Possession of a stolen shovel. -Possession of a stolen shovel. Officer, I can explain. -Officer, I can explain. Lady, resisting arrest is a serious criminal offense. Under the state criminal code, section 545, paragraph 10-B... -Lady, resisting arrest is a serious criminal offense. Under the state criminal code, section 545, paragraph 10-B... Oh, don't get officious. You're not yourself when you're officious. That's the curse of a government job. -Oh, don't get officious. You're not yourself when you're officious. That's the curse of a government job. Lady, is it true you're driving without a license? -Lady, is it true you're driving without a license? Check. -Check. And that truck - is it registered in your name? -And that truck - is it registered in your name? Oh no! Not in my name. -Oh no! Not in my name. Then whose name is it registered in? -Then whose name is it registered in? Well, I don't know. Do you know, Harold? -Well, I don't know. Do you know, Harold? Where are the papers? -Where are the papers? I suppose they are in the truck. Are you going to take a lot of time with this? -I suppose they are in the truck. Are you going to take a lot of time with this? Wait here. -Wait here. Because if you are... -Because if you are... Lady! Be quiet. -This way, Edith. Harold is out by the garage. He has a new car and he has been tuning it up. He's very mechanical. What kind of a car is it? -Oh. It looks like a hearse. Very nice. Compact. Edith, I'd like you to meet my son, Harold. Harold, this is Edith... eh? -Edith, I'd like you to meet my son, Harold. Harold, this is Edith... eh? Fern. I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance. -And what do you do, my dear? I'm a file clerk - Harrison Feed and Grain. -I'm a file clerk - Harrison Feed and Grain. How interesting. -How interesting. Not very. -Not very. Oh. Well, what is it exactly that you do? -Oh. Well, what is it exactly that you do? I'm in charge of all the invoices for the southwest. We supply, for example, most of the egg farmers in Southern California. So you can imagine. -Edith was just telling me about her job. I'm a file clerk. -I'm a file clerk. Yes. Henderson Feed and Grain. -Yes. Henderson Feed and Grain. Harrison. Harrison Feed and Grain... At Hamilton and Fourth... I'm in charge of the invoices... And I type up the schedule for the trucking fleet... -Harrison. Harrison Feed and Grain... At Hamilton and Fourth... I'm in charge of the invoices... And I type up the schedule for the trucking fleet... She supplies the whole southwest with chicken feed. -She supplies the whole southwest with chicken feed. Well, not all the southwest. Although we do have a large business... Barley was very big last week... Fifteen hundred... -What do you want? I'm sorry. I was looking for Maude. -Sorry I'm late. A rather free translation but nonetheless correct. Greetings to you too, my little one. Tell me, what do you see? -A rather free translation but nonetheless correct. Greetings to you too, my little one. Tell me, what do you see? A block of ice. -A block of ice. Exactly! Now, ask me what I see. -Exactly! Now, ask me what I see. What do you see? -What do you see? I see the eternal goddess of beauty and love. I see Aphrodite. The consummate woman. -Here's your shovel. What?... Oh yes... Shovel... Create ... Verily these issues lie in the lap of the gods... Iliad... Just sit down for a minute. -Eh, no. Thank you. You're welcome. Did you know him? -You're welcome. Did you know him? Eh, no. -Eh, no. Me neither. I heard he was eighty years old. I'll be eighty next week. A good time to move on, don't you think? -Me neither. I heard he was eighty years old. I'll be eighty next week. A good time to move on, don't you think? I don't know. -I don't know. I mean, seventy-five is too early, but at eighty-five, well, you're just marking time and you may as well look over the horizon. -It's a question of emphasis, you might say. Accentuate the positive, so to speak. Eh, could I have my pen back now, please? -Eh, could I have my pen back now, please? Oh, of course. What is your name? -Oh, of course. What is your name? Harold Chasen. -Harold Chasen. How do you do? I am Dame Marjorie Chardin, but you may call me Maude. -How do you do? I am Dame Marjorie Chardin, but you may call me Maude. Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. Oh, thank you. I think we shall be great friends, don't you? -Can I drop you anywhere, Harold? No, thank you. I have my car. -No, thank you. I have my car. Well then, I must be off. We shall have to meet again. -Do you dance? What? -What? Do you sing and dance? -Do you sing and dance? Eh, no. -Eh, no. No. I thought not. -Yes. Oh, so do I. They're such fun, aren't they? It's all change. All revolving. Burials and births. The end to the beginning and the beginning to the end - - the great circle of life. My, this old thing handles well. Ever drive a hearse, Harold? -Oh, so do I. They're such fun, aren't they? It's all change. All revolving. Burials and births. The end to the beginning and the beginning to the end - - the great circle of life. My, this old thing handles well. Ever drive a hearse, Harold? Yes. -Yes. Well, it's a new experience for me. Good on curves. Shall I take you home, Harold? -Well, it's a new experience for me. Good on curves. Shall I take you home, Harold? But this is my car. -But this is my car. Your hearse? -Your hearse? Yearse! -Yearse! Oh. -Of course, I've had to make some additions for the new models, but not as many as you might think. Once you have your basic set it's then only a question of variation. And you get into any car you want and just drive off? -And you get into any car you want and just drive off? Not any car. I like to keep a variety. I'm always looking for the new experience, like this one. I liked it. -Not any car. I like to keep a variety. I'm always looking for the new experience, like this one. I liked it. Thank you. But when you take these cars don't you think you are wronging the owners? -Thank you. But when you take these cars don't you think you are wronging the owners? "What owners, Harold? We don't own anything. It's a transitory world. We come on the earth with nothing, and we go out with nothing, so isn't ""ownership"" a little absurd?" -"What owners, Harold? We don't own anything. It's a transitory world. We come on the earth with nothing, and we go out with nothing, so isn't ""ownership"" a little absurd?" Still, I think you'd upset people and I'm not sure that's right. -Still, I think you'd upset people and I'm not sure that's right. Well, if some people are upset because they feel they have a hold on some things, then I'm merely acting as a gentle reminder - I'm sort of breaking it easy -- Here today, gone tomorrow, so don't get attached to things. Now, with that in mind, I'm not against collecting stuff... -It's all memorabilia, but incidental and not integral, if you know what I mean. It's very interesting. -It's very interesting. Oh, look! The birds. -She's very sweet, but so old- fashioned. Please sit down, Harold. I'll put on the kettle and we'll have a nice hot cup of tea. Thank you, but I really have to go. -Thank you, but I really have to go. But it's oat straw tea. You've never had oat straw tea, have you? -But it's oat straw tea. You've never had oat straw tea, have you? No. -No. Well then. -Thank you, but it's an appointment. I really shouldn't miss it. Oh, at the dentist's? -Oh, at the dentist's? Sort of. -Sort of. Well, then, you must come back and visit. -Well, then, you must come back and visit. All right. -All right. My door is always open. -My door is always open. All right. -All right. Promise? -Harold? Maude???! -How about some ginger pie? Eh, fine. -Eh, fine. I'll heat some up. My, it's nice to see you again, Harold. How's your hearse? -I'll heat some up. My, it's nice to see you again, Harold. How's your hearse? Oh, it's fine. Fine. -Oh, it's fine. Fine. She seemed yare to me. -Do you often model for Glaucus? Heavens no! I don't have the time. But I like to keep in practice and poor Glaucus occasionally needs his memory refreshed as to the contours of the female form. Do you disapprove? -Heavens no! I don't have the time. But I like to keep in practice and poor Glaucus occasionally needs his memory refreshed as to the contours of the female form. Do you disapprove? Me! No. Of course not. -Me! No. Of course not. Really. Do you think it's wrong? -Really. Do you think it's wrong? No. -No. "Oh, I'm so happy you said that because I wanted to show you my paintings. This is the ""Rape of Rome"" and, of course, there in the corner is quite a graphic depiction of Leda and the Swan." -"A self-portrait. But over here is my favorite. It's titled ""Rainbow with Egg Underneath and an Elephant."" Do you like it?" Yes. Very much. -Yes. Very much. "It was my last. I then became infatuated with these -- my ""Odorifics.""" -Now I'll pump it up... ... and you just turn the handles. Okay. What do you smell? Subways... Perfume... Cigarette... ... Cologne... Carpet... Chestnuts! ... Snow! -Subways... Perfume... Cigarette... ... Cologne... Carpet... Chestnuts! ... Snow! It goes on and on. -It goes on and on. That's really great. -What do you think? Oh. Eh, I like it. -Oh. Eh, I like it. No, you have to touch it. You have to run your hands over it, get close to it, really reach out and feel. You try it. -Here we are, Harold. Oat straw tea and ginger pie. Certainly a new experience for me. -Certainly a new experience for me. Wonderful! Try something new each day. After all, we're given life to find it out. It doesn't last forever. -You look as if you could. Me. Ha! Did I tell you I'll be eighty on Saturday? -Me. Ha! Did I tell you I'll be eighty on Saturday? You don't look eighty. -You don't look eighty. That's the influence of the right food, the right exercise, and the right breathing. Greet the dawn with the Breath of Fire! Of course, there's no doubt the body is giving out. I'm well into autumn. I'll have to be giving it all up after Saturday. Sweeten the tea with honey, Harold. It's delicious. -That's the influence of the right food, the right exercise, and the right breathing. Greet the dawn with the Breath of Fire! Of course, there's no doubt the body is giving out. I'm well into autumn. I'll have to be giving it all up after Saturday. Sweeten the tea with honey, Harold. It's delicious. That's a nice teapot. -That's a nice teapot. Sterling silver. It was my dear mother-in-law's, part of a dinner set of fifty pieces. It's one of the few things that survived. Oh, but I do rattle on so. Tell me about yourself, Harold. What do you do when you aren't visiting funerals? -Well, it's all very thrilling, of course, but I ask you, Harold... Is it enough? What do you mean? -I should like to change into a sunflower most of all. They are so tall and simple. And you, Harold, what flower would you like to be? I don't know. Just one of those. -Why do you say that? Because they are all the same. -Because they are all the same. Oooh, but they are not. Look. -Boy, Maude. The way you handle cars. I'd never handle a car like that. Oh, it's only a machine, Harold. It's not as if it were alive, like a horse or a camel. We may live in a machine age, but I simply can't treat them as equals. Of course, the age has its advantages. -The universal language of mankind. What music do you like, Harold? Well... -What happened? Look. -Look. What? -What? Over there by the courthouse. -Over there by the courthouse. What is it? -What is it? That little tree. It's in trouble. Come on. -Look at it, Harold. It's suffocating. It's the smog. People can live with it, but it gives trees asthma. They can't breathe. See the leaves are all brown. Harold, we've got to do something about this life. But what? -But what? We'll transplant it. To the forest. -We'll transplant it. To the forest. But we can't just dig it up! -But we can't just dig it up! Why not? -Why not? But this is public property. -But this is public property. Exactly. -Don't you think we should get some tools, maybe? Yes, you're right. We'll go see Glaucus. Come on. -Yes, you're right. We'll go see Glaucus. Come on. Oh, wait, Maude. Look! -Oh, my. We're too late. Is he all right? -Is he all right? He's fallen asleep, as usual. -We'll come back in the morning. What is that he's working on? -What is that he's working on? An ice sculpture. It's Venus - the Goddess of Love, the completion of which is his unfulfilled dream. -An ice sculpture. It's Venus - the Goddess of Love, the completion of which is his unfulfilled dream. It is kind of rough. -It is kind of rough. He's never finished one yet. He has around him every kind of hand tool known to man, but the poor dear has difficulty staying awake. -He's never finished one yet. He has around him every kind of hand tool known to man, but the poor dear has difficulty staying awake. Look, the ice is melting. -Look, the ice is melting. Yes. -A little after-dinner liqueur, Harold? Well, I really don't drink... -Well, I really don't drink... Oh, it's all right. It's organic. -Thank you. Some nuts? Some licorice? It has no nutritional value but then consistency is not really a human trait. -Some nuts? Some licorice? It has no nutritional value but then consistency is not really a human trait. Thank you. -What's that? My umbrella? Oh, that's just a relic. I found it when I was packing to come to America. It used to be my defense on picket lines and rallies and political meetings - being dragged off by police or attacked by thugs of the opposition. A long time ago. -My umbrella? Oh, that's just a relic. I found it when I was packing to come to America. It used to be my defense on picket lines and rallies and political meetings - being dragged off by police or attacked by thugs of the opposition. A long time ago. What were you fighting for? -What were you fighting for? Oh, Big Issues. Liberty. Rights. Justice. Kings died and kingdoms fell. I don't regret the kingdoms - what sense in borders and nations and patriotism - but I do miss the kings. When I was a little girl I was taken to the palace in Vienna, to a garden party. I can still see the sunshine, the parasols, and the flashing uniforms of the young officers. I thought then I would marry a soldier. Later, Frederick would chide me about it. He was so serious. A doctor at the University. And in the government. -No. No more revolts. -No more revolts. Oh, yes! Every day. But I don't need a defense anymore. I embrace! Still fighting for the Big Issues but now in my small, individual way. Shall we have a song? -Oh, yes! Every day. But I don't need a defense anymore. I embrace! Still fighting for the Big Issues but now in my small, individual way. Shall we have a song? Well, I don't... -Well, I don't... Oh come on. I'll teach you. -Oh, that was fun. Let's play something together. But I don't play anything. -But I don't play anything. Don't play anything! Dear me. Everyone should be able to make some music. Why, it's life! - Rhythm and harmony - That's the cosmic dance. Come with me. -Okay? Superb. -I think he's following us. Is he? Ah, the police. Always wanting to play games. Well, here goes. -He's stopped. The old double U-turn. Gets them every time. -"There. Oh, I like the feel of soil, don't you? And the smell. It's the earth. ""The earth is my body. My head is in the stars."" Who said that?" I don't know. -I don't know. I suppose I did. Well, farewell little tree. Grow up tall, and change, and fall to replenish the earth. Isn't it wonderful, Harold? All around us. Living things. -Oh, those motorcycles are awfully chilly. Yeah. And it is cold in here. Hello, Glaucus. -I think I see it. Yes. It's almost there. -The ice is melting. Yes. -Yes. Don't you think we should turn off the heat? -Don't you think we should turn off the heat? Why? There'll be a new block of ice in the morning. -I like Glaucus. Yes, so do I. But I think he is a little... old-fashioned. Like a puff, Harold? -Yes, so do I. But I think he is a little... old-fashioned. Like a puff, Harold? Well, I really don't smoke. -Well, I really don't smoke. It's all right. It's organic. -It's all right. It's organic. I'm sure picking up on vices. -I'm sure picking up on vices. "Vice? Virtue? It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. As Confucius says, ""Don't simply be good. Make good things happen.""" -"Vice? Virtue? It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. As Confucius says, ""Don't simply be good. Make good things happen.""" Did Confucius say that? -Did Confucius say that? Well -- - they say he was very wise, so I'm sure he must have. -Well -- - they say he was very wise, so I'm sure he must have. You are the wisest person I know. -You are the wisest person I know. "Me! When I look around me I know I know nothing. I remember though, once long ago in Persia, we met a wise man in the bazaar. He was a professional and used to sell his wisdom to anyone willing to pay. His specialty for tourists was a maxim engraved on the head of a pin. ""The wisest,"" he said, ""the truest, the most instructive words for all men at all times."" Frederick bought one for me and back at the hotel I peered through a magnifying glass to read the words - ""And this too shall pass away."" Well, the wise man was right - if you remember that, you can't help but live life fully." -"Me! When I look around me I know I know nothing. I remember though, once long ago in Persia, we met a wise man in the bazaar. He was a professional and used to sell his wisdom to anyone willing to pay. His specialty for tourists was a maxim engraved on the head of a pin. ""The wisest,"" he said, ""the truest, the most instructive words for all men at all times."" Frederick bought one for me and back at the hotel I peered through a magnifying glass to read the words - ""And this too shall pass away."" Well, the wise man was right - if you remember that, you can't help but live life fully." Yes. I haven't lived. I've died a few times. -Yes. I haven't lived. I've died a few times. What was that? -What was that? Died! Seventeen times - not counting maiming. Shot myself in the face once with a popgun and a pellet of blood. -Died! Seventeen times - not counting maiming. Shot myself in the face once with a popgun and a pellet of blood. How ingenious! Tell me about them. -How ingenious! Tell me about them. Well, it's a question of timing, and the right equipment, and plenty of patience... You really want to hear about this? -Well, it's a question of timing, and the right equipment, and plenty of patience... You really want to hear about this? Of course. -Of course. Okay. -"Yes. I understand. A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead really. They're just backing away from life. They're players - but they sit on the bench. The game goes on before them. At any moment they can join in. Reach out! Take a chance! Get hurt maybe. But play as well as you can. Go team, go! Give me an ""L."" Give me an ""I."" Give me a ""V."" Give me an ""E."" LIVE!!!!! Otherwise you'll have nothing to talk about in the locker room." I like you, Maude. -I like you, Maude. I like you, Harold. Come, I'll teach you to waltz. -Look at that sky. It's so big. It's so blue. -It's so blue. And beyond the blue is the blackness of the cosmos. -And beyond the blue is the blackness of the cosmos. Spreckled with uncountable stars. The stars are shining right now. We just can't see them. Just another instance of all that's going on that is beyond human perception. -Spreckled with uncountable stars. The stars are shining right now. We just can't see them. Just another instance of all that's going on that is beyond human perception. Maude, do you pray? -Maude, do you pray? Pray? No. I communicate. -Pray? No. I communicate. With God? -With God? With Life. -This is really nice. Makes me feel like a kid. I want to do somersaults . Well, why don't you? -Well, why don't you? No. I'd feel stupid. -No. I'd feel stupid. Harold, everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You just can't let the world judge you too much. -Want to join me in some cartwheels? No. I feel more like - yodeling. -No. I feel more like - yodeling. Yodeling? -"It's sinking, Harold. Going over the horizon - where we are all going to go. It's getting dark. ""Let each man hold on to his candle and get a light where'er he can.""" Where's that? -Where's that? From the guys who got the matches, of course. -From the guys who got the matches, of course. Boy! It sure has been a wonderful day. And you - you are beautiful. -Oh, Harold. You make me feel like a schoolgirl. Shall I drop by tomorrow? Oh, I have a luncheon date. With this girl. -Shall I drop by tomorrow? Oh, I have a luncheon date. With this girl. Oh. -Oh. I've never met her. My mother set it up. -I've never met her. My mother set it up. Well, be kind. I've lived a long time, Harold, seen evil as well as good, and it has been my experience that kindness... -Maude, I must speak to you. What is it, Harold? -What is it, Harold? They're going to draft me. In the Army. I'm going to be sent away. -They're going to draft me. In the Army. I'm going to be sent away. But they can't do that. You haven't even got the vote. -But they can't do that. You haven't even got the vote. But they have. -But they have. Well, don't go. -But they'll put me in jail. Really. Just put it there, Harold. -They'd put you in jail, eh? Well, historically you'd be in very good company. That's what my husband used to say when we were in the French Underground dealing with the Gestapo. Would you like to do a little raking? Work, I'm told, done with no selfish interest, purifies the mind. You sink your separate self and become one with the universal self. On the other hand, senseless labor is a bloody bore and should be scrupulously avoided. Maude, do you think you can help me? -Maude, do you think you can help me? What? With your skill and my experience... I think we can come up with something. -Don't you talk to me like that, you little foul mouth degenerate! Really, sir, I thought that you at least... Traitor! Benedict Arnold! Remember Nathan Hale, right, sir? -Don't you advance on me. ... of you. You'll all end up like this. -Just like this. Give me that. I'm going to throw it in the sewer where it belongs. -Give me that. I'm going to throw it in the sewer where it belongs. She took my head. -That wasn't very scary. No. It had nothing on this afternoon. -No. It had nothing on this afternoon. Oh, you weren't scared. -Oh, you weren't scared. Scared? Swimming underwater with that oxygen device of yours. I was petrified. -Scared? Swimming underwater with that oxygen device of yours. I was petrified. Come on, you loved it. It was a new experience. -How about some candy floss? Right on! It wouldn't be a celebration without it. -You sure have a way with people. Well, they're my species. -Look at the stars. Yes. They're old friends. -Yes. They're old friends. Do you think there is any life up there? -Do you think there is any life up there? I don't know. Perhaps. -I don't know. Perhaps. Science thinks there isn't. That we are all alone in the universe. -Science thinks there isn't. That we are all alone in the universe. We are alone - you and me and everybody. But we can look at those stars and maybe someone down the beach or across the sea in China is looking at them, too. Someone we don't know and most likely will never see - that someone is breathing along with us. And the star- gazers of the past - from peasant to princes - and the star-gazers of the future - all of us breathing and looking up there. We are alone - but look at the stars and never feel lonely. -We are alone - you and me and everybody. But we can look at those stars and maybe someone down the beach or across the sea in China is looking at them, too. Someone we don't know and most likely will never see - that someone is breathing along with us. And the star- gazers of the past - from peasant to princes - and the star-gazers of the future - all of us breathing and looking up there. We are alone - but look at the stars and never feel lonely. You should have been a poet. -You should have been a poet. Oh, no. But I should have liked to have been an astronaut. A private astronaut able to just go out and explore. Like the men who sailed with Magellan, I want to see if we really can fall off the edge of the world. What a joke it will be if like them I - -- end where I began. Maude. -Maude. Yes. -Yes. Here. -Why are there no photographs in these frames? I took them out. -I took them out. Why? -Why? They mocked me. They were representations of people I dearly loved yet they knew these people were gradually fading from me, and that in time all I would have left would be vague feelings - but sharp photographs! So I tossed them out. My memory fades, I know. But I prefer pictures made by me with feeling, and not by Kodak with silver nitrate. -They mocked me. They were representations of people I dearly loved yet they knew these people were gradually fading from me, and that in time all I would have left would be vague feelings - but sharp photographs! So I tossed them out. My memory fades, I know. But I prefer pictures made by me with feeling, and not by Kodak with silver nitrate. I'll never forget you, Maude. But I would like a photo of you. -It looks like you. Thanks. Harold, that picture is almost twenty-five years old. -Harold, that picture is almost twenty-five years old. You haven't changed a bit. I'll put it in my wallet. -I was remembering how much this meant to me. It was after the war... I had nothing... except my life. How different I was then - and yet how the same. You've never cried before. I never thought you would. I thought, despite anything, you could always be happy. -You've never cried before. I never thought you would. I thought, despite anything, you could always be happy. Oh, Harold. You are so young. -Supper for two. Oh, you've thought of everything. And champagne. -Oh, you've thought of everything. And champagne. It's all right. It's organic. -It's all right. It's organic. Oh, Harold. -Oh, Harold. For you. -... which I hope will make you very happy. Oh, I am happy, Harold. Ecstatically happy. I couldn't imagine a lovelier farewell. -Oh, I am happy, Harold. Ecstatically happy. I couldn't imagine a lovelier farewell. Farewell? -Farewell? Why yes. It's my eightieth birthday. -Why yes. It's my eightieth birthday. But you're not going anywhere, are you? -But you're not going anywhere, are you? Oh yes, dear. I took the pills an hour ago. I should be gone by midnight. -Oh, Harold! What a fuss this is. So unnecessary. Maude, please. Don't die. I couldn't bear it. Please, don't die. -Maude, please. Don't die. I couldn't bear it. Please, don't die. But, Harold, we begin to die as soon as we are born. What is so strange about death? It's no surprise. It's part of life. It's change. -But, Harold, we begin to die as soon as we are born. What is so strange about death? It's no surprise. It's part of life. It's change. But why now? -But why now? I thought eighty was a good round number. -I feel giddy. But Maude, you don't understand. I love you. Do you hear me? I've never said that to anyone in my life before. You're the first. Maude. Please don't leave me. -But Maude, you don't understand. I love you. Do you hear me? I've never said that to anyone in my life before. You're the first. Maude. Please don't leave me. Oh, Harold, don't upset yourself so. -Oh, Harold, don't upset yourself so. It's true. I can't live without you. -It's true. I can't live without you. """And this too shall pass away.""" -"""And this too shall pass away.""" Never! Never! I'll never forget you. I wanted to marry you. Don't you understand! I love you. I love you! -Never! Never! I'll never forget you. I wanted to marry you. Don't you understand! I love you. I love you! Oh! That's wonderful, Harold. Go - and love some more. -Chardin. Dame Marjorie. But you may call me Maude. Please! She has got to see a doctor right away. -Please, don't you realize? She is dying. Well, not dying, actually. I'm changing. You know, like from winter to spring. Of course, it is a big step to take. -"Of course, Harold's father had a similar sense of the absurd. I remember once in Paris he stepped out for cigarettes and the next I hear he's arrested for floating nude down the Seine - experimenting in river currents with a pair of yellow rubber water wings. Well, that cost quite a little bit of ""enfluence"" and ""d'argent"" to hush up, I can tell you. Harold, dear, stop playing with your food. Don't you feel well?" I have a sore throat. -I have a sore throat. Well, I want you to go to bed directly after dinner. You know how susceptible you are to colds. Harold has always been a delicate child. Even as a baby he seemed to be abnormally prone to illness - Harold, dear, eat up your beets... -Mother. Not now, Harold... You can't put me down for Monday? -Not now, Harold... You can't put me down for Monday? Mother. -Mother. Harold, please! I'm on the phone. -Harold, please! I'm on the phone. Mother. I'm going to get married. -Mother. I'm going to get married. Fay, I'll call you back. What did you say? -Fay, I'll call you back. What did you say? I'm getting married. -I'm getting married. To whom? -To whom? To a girl. Here. -I suppose you think this is very funny, Harold. What? -What? A sunflower? -Love? Love? What do you know about her? Where does she come from? Where did you meet her? At a funeral. -At a funeral. Oh... That's wonderful... I get an eighty-year-old pallbearer for a daughter-in-law! Be reasonable, Harold! You're dealing with your life! What will people say?! -Oh... That's wonderful... I get an eighty-year-old pallbearer for a daughter-in-law! Be reasonable, Harold! You're dealing with your life! What will people say?! I don't care what people say. -I don't care what people say. "You don't care! ""Miss Shroud of 1890 Weds the Boy of a Thousand Deaths!"" Listen to me..." -I'm going to marry the woman I love. Harold! -This is insane. Perhaps it is. -How do you do? Can't complain. -Would you like a cigarette? No, thank you. They stain my fingers. -Is Sunshine your real name? "Well, actually, it was the name of my drama teacher - Louis Sunshine. Perhaps you've heard of him. He was such an influence on the development of my instrument. That means my body - in theatre talk. Well, when I came to Hollywood I felt the need to express the emerging me in a new form, so I took on ""Sunshine."" Dore is my real name... Well, Dore, actually. My, what a lovely place you have here." -Do you play? No. I'm learning the banjo. Do you? -No. I'm learning the banjo. Do you? Oh, I studied the guitar. I had to give it up. Gave me calluses on my fingers. As an actress I can't afford to have a tarnished instrument. -Oh, is this your father? No. My uncle. -No. My uncle. "Oh, he's in the Army. I do so like the military, don't you? Those uniforms make men look so virile. I did ""What Price Glory?"" in summer stock. I played Charmaine - with a French accent." -This one is particularly interesting. It's a hari-kari blade. Ohhh. What's hari-kari? -Ohhh. What's hari-kari? An ancient Japanese ceremony. -An ancient Japanese ceremony. Like a tea ceremony? -Like a tea ceremony? No. Like this. -Tell me, Harold, how many of these, eh, suicides have you performed? An accurate number would be difficult to gauge. -An accurate number would be difficult to gauge. And why is that? -And why is that? Well, some worked out better than others - some had to be abandoned in the planning stages - do you include the first time? - then there's the question of maiming... -Well, some worked out better than others - some had to be abandoned in the planning stages - do you include the first time? - then there's the question of maiming... Just give me a rough estimate. -Just give me a rough estimate. Well, a rough estimate... I'd say fifteen. -Well, a rough estimate... I'd say fifteen. Fifteen. -Fifteen. A rough estimate. -A rough estimate. And were they all done for your mother's benefit? -And were they all done for your mother's benefit? "I wouldn't say ""benefit.""" -"I wouldn't say ""benefit.""" No, I suppose not. How do you feel about your mother? -I don't think I'm getting through to Mother like I used to. Does that worry you? -Does that worry you? Yes. It does. -Yes. It does. Why? -Why? I put a lot of effort into these things. -I put a lot of effort into these things. Ah, yes. -Ah, yes. And a lot of time. -And a lot of time. I'm sure. But what else do you do with your time? Do you go to school? -I'm sure. But what else do you do with your time? Do you go to school? No. -No. What about the draft? -What about the draft? My mother spoke to my Uncle Victor. He's in the Army and he fixed it up. -My mother spoke to my Uncle Victor. He's in the Army and he fixed it up. Oh. Well, how do you spend your day? -Oh. Well, how do you spend your day? You mean when I'm not working on a... -You mean when I'm not working on a... Yes. What kind of things do you do? -I see. Junkyards. What is the fascination there? I don't know. -I don't know. Is it the machines? The noise? The people? -Is it the machines? The noise? The people? No. It's the junk. I like to look at junk. -No. It's the junk. I like to look at junk. What else do you like? -That's very interesting, Harold, and I think very illuminative. There seems to be a definite pattern emerging. Your fondness for useless machines and demolitions seems indicative of your present emotional state, your self-destructive urges and your alienation from the regular social interaction. What do you think? And of course this pattern once isolated can be coped with. Recognize the problem and you are half way on the road to its solution. But tell me, what do you do for fun? What activity gives you a different sense of enjoyment than the others? What do you find fulfilling? What gives you that certain satisfaction? I go to funerals. -Harold? Huh? -Huh? You don't seem to be listening. I asked do you have any friends? -You don't seem to be listening. I asked do you have any friends? No. -No. None at all? -None at all? Well, maybe one. -Well, maybe one. Would you care to talk about this friend? -Would you care to talk about this friend? No. -No. Is this a friend you had when you were away at school? -Is this a friend you had when you were away at school? No. -No. I see. Were you happy at school, Harold? -I see. Were you happy at school, Harold? Yes. -Yes. You liked your teachers? -You liked your teachers? Yes. -Yes. Your classmates? -Your classmates? Yes. -Yes. Your studies? -Your studies? Yes. -Yes. Then why did you leave? -Then why did you leave? I burnt down the Chemistry building. -We are not relating today, Harold. I sense a definite resistance. A lack of true and helpful communication. I find you a very interesting case, Harold, but this reluctance of yours is detrimental to the psycho-analytical process, and can only hinder the possibility of effective treatment. Do you understand? Yes. -Yes. Very well. Now your mother tells me she is arranging several dates for you with some young ladies. How do you feel about that? -I see. Tell me, Harold, do you remember your father at all? No. I'd have liked to. -No. I'd have liked to. Why? -Why? I'd have liked to talk to him. -I'd have liked to talk to him. What would you say? -What would you say? I'd show him my hearse. And my room, and stuff. -I'd show him my hearse. And my room, and stuff. What kind of stuff? -Good idea of yours to come out here, Harold. It's a lovely spot. Thank you, Uncle. -Thank you, Uncle. "Call me ""sir,"" Harold. First thing you learn in the Army - an officer deserves your respect." -"Call me ""sir,"" Harold. First thing you learn in the Army - an officer deserves your respect." Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Perfectly lovely. You know, this is what we're defending. Everything that's good and beautiful in the American way of life. Oh, there's some nut peace petitioner over there. Let's go off this way. Those crazy Commie bastards. I don't know why we tolerate 'em. Parasites. -Let's examine the facts on it. I say this country has been too harsh in its outright condemnation of war. I say you can point to many material advantages brought about by a crisis and conflict policy. Hell, World War II gave us the ballpoint pen. That's common knowledge. During wartime the national suicide rate goes down. -During wartime the national suicide rate goes down. Is that a fact? Well, that fits in right along with everything I've been saying. War is not all black. -Is that a fact? Well, that fits in right along with everything I've been saying. War is not all black. War is not all black. -And so I ask you - why the hell did we give up on the Germans? Those damn politicians in Washington chalked them up on our side and the wars ever since have been a national disgrace. Hell, look at history. The two best wars this country has fought were against the Jerries. Now I say, get the Krauts on the other side of the fence where they belong, and let's get back to the kind of enemy worth killing and the kind of war this whole country can support. Jeez, sir. That's pretty strong stuff. -"They came at me from all sides, hundreds of 'em. We kept firing - Zat-Tat-Tat-Tat! ""Throw the grenades,"" I shouted. ""Mac, throw the grenades!"" ""He's dead,"" Joe said, and kept right on feeding me bullets. Zat-Tat-Tat-Tat! They kept falling, but they kept coming. Bullets whizzing all around me. Zot! Joe falls back with a neat red hole in his head. I thought I was done for. But I kept firing. Zat-Tat-Tat! Only one thought kept me going. Kill! Kill! For Mac, and Joe, and the rest of the guys. Kill! - a blinding flash. I wake up on a stretcher. ""Did we hold?"" I asked the medic. ""Yes, sir,"" he said, and I slipped into unconsciousness." Jeez! That's a great story, -Jeez! That's a great story, Well, you'll soon have stories like that to tell of your own. -Well, you'll soon have stories like that to tell of your own. You think so, sir? -You think so, sir? Sure. Be able to tell your children. Something for them to look up to. Be proud of. -Sure. Be able to tell your children. Something for them to look up to. Be proud of. I hope so, sir. Golly I never knew it could be so exciting. -I hope so, sir. Golly I never knew it could be so exciting. It's the greatest excitement in the world. -It's the greatest excitement in the world. To pit your own life against another. -To pit your own life against another. That's right. -That's right. To kill. The taste of blood in your mouth. -To kill. The taste of blood in your mouth. The moment of truth. -The moment of truth. Another man's life in your sights. -Another man's life in your sights. Yes. -Yes. ZAT! -Will they really teach me to shoot? Oh, sure. A variety of weapons. -Oh, sure. A variety of weapons. And to use the bayonet? PACHOIE! -And to use the bayonet? PACHOIE! Oh sure. -Oh sure. How about hand-to-hand combat? -How about hand-to-hand combat? Yes. -Yes. To strangle someone. Choke him. Squeeze out his life between your hands. -To strangle someone. Choke him. Squeeze out his life between your hands. Eh? -Eh? How about to slit his throat? -How about to slit his throat? Well, I don't... -Well, I don't... I'd like that. You could see the blood squirt out. -I'd like that. You could see the blood squirt out. Harold, I think you're getting carried away here. -Harold, I think you're getting carried away here. Sir, how about souvenirs? -Sir, how about souvenirs? Souvenirs? -Souvenirs? Of your kill - ears, nose, scalp, privates. -Of your kill - ears, nose, scalp, privates. Harold! -Harold! What's the chance of getting one of these? -Boy, to think I could maybe make my own. Harold! That's disgusting! -Parasite! Harold! -Harold! Crazy parasite! Commie bastard! Get out of here. -Harold, calm down! This is... She's a Commie pig. We're going to nail every last one... -Stay where you are, Harold . She took my head. -Good afternoon, Officer. Bit of trouble here? Yes, ma'am. Somebody had some trouble parking. -Yes, ma'am. Somebody had some trouble parking. Well, it's a tricky turn. -Well, it's a tricky turn. Eh, yes, ma'm. -Eh, yes, ma'm. Tell me -- -- is that car parked all right? -Tell me -- -- is that car parked all right? Oh yes. That's fine. -Oh yes. That's fine. Well, thank you. Eh, officer, you might turn off the radio. Saves the battery. -Ah! There you are, madam. Were not you the lady who drove my car off yesterday? Was that the one with the St. Christopher medal on the dashboard? -Was that the one with the St. Christopher medal on the dashboard? Yes. -Yes. Then I suppose it was me. Get in, Harold. -Were you also the one who painted the statues? Oh, yes. How did you like that? -Oh, yes. How did you like that? Well, I didn't. -Well, I didn't. Oh, don't be too discouraged. For aesthetic appreciation - always a little time. -Oh, don't be too discouraged. For aesthetic appreciation - always a little time. But wait... -Oh, Kirsty; so eager to play, so reluctant to admit it. Perhaps you're teasing us. Are you teasing us? -It's different for us. We've always been here. -We've always been here. We have no more surprises. -Oh. No Boxes. Such a shame. No more delays, Kirsty. No more teasing. Time to play. -No more delays, Kirsty. No more teasing. Time to play. Time to play. -Well, well. All my family together again. How very sweet. Julia. -Julia. Frank. -Frank. I knew you'd come. -I knew you'd come. You knew? -You knew? Yes. You're a girl who remembers her promises. -Yes. You're a girl who remembers her promises. Oh, I do. I do. -Oh, right. Daddy's died and gone to heaven, eh? Yes! -Yes! Shit. Bull. Shit. -See? He's here. You should learn to believe your Uncle Frank. No! He SHOULDN'T be here! It SHOULD'VE been a trick! -No! He SHOULDN'T be here! It SHOULD'VE been a trick! 'Fraid not, baby. He belongs here. With me. We're the same. Brothers. Equal and opposite. Pure appetite. Pure banality. Too much feeling. None at all. -He... he loved me. Don't waste your tears. Look at him! -Daddy! Daddy! I love you! Help me! I'm your Daddy now, Kirsty. -Yes... Yes. You look... Surreal? Strange? Nightmarish? -Surreal? Strange? Nightmarish? No. You look... -It's a beautiful dress... I know. -She's done it. She certainly has. -She certainly has. It's coming. -It's coming. It certainly is. -I want to go back! Sorry, friend. No day trips to Hell. Here you are. Here you stay. And forward the only way to go. -I knew you'd come back. I'm a girl who keeps her promises. -So... You're Kirsty, huh? You a doctor, too? -Sad, huh? She's been here six months. Her name's TIFFANY. What's the matter with her? -What's the matter with her? Almost complete withdrawal. She hasn't said a word for nearly two years. -Almost complete withdrawal. She hasn't said a word for nearly two years. God, that's terrible. -God, that's terrible. Yeah. Doctor Malahide's got her doing these jig-saws and things, though. Says it's helping to bring her out. -I... I had a visitor. What? -What? Oh, Jesus. I can't explain. It's... it's. I don't know how to help! I have to save him and I don't know how to help! -Oh, Jesus. I can't explain. It's... it's. I don't know how to help! I have to save him and I don't know how to help! Kirsty, I'm sorry... don't understand. I... -Kirsty, I'm sorry... don't understand. I... I know. No-one can. But I have to save him. Where's the other doctor? He said He'd listen. He promised. -Help. No, no-one can help. I just want someone to listen or I WILL go crazy. If anyone can help, HE can. -No bad dreams. So you slept O.K.? -Well, the sofa isn't often used for sleeping on... Oh yeah? On your own a lot, Huh? -And you're sure it was a woman? God, I wish I could say no. This is going to do terrible things to my attitude, you know. -Don't worry about it. Your attitude sucks anyway. Hey, so for it. Don't let pity stop you. I'm down. Nail me. -The box. I need the box. The box? Like in your story? Like in his house? -What? The Boxes. In the House. I told you. -The Boxes. In the House. I told you. What do you mean? -What do you mean? The boxes! I TOLD you. -The boxes! I TOLD you. You DIDN'T tell me. Do you mean Malahide's got... -You DIDN'T tell me. Do you mean Malahide's got... Yeah. The things you were talking about. -Get out of the way. Are you crazy? -Are you crazy? I don't know, Kyle. You're the fucking expert. Now get out of the way! -I don't know, Kyle. You're the fucking expert. Now get out of the way! WHY? -WHY? Because I'm going to get my father! -O.K. Let's go. Kyle, you don't have... -Kyle, you don't have... I KNOW I don't have to. It's just my time of the month to be a complete fucking idiot. O.K.? -I have to go back. Or it'll never stop. What are you talking... -What are you talking... I've got to finish it. -I've got to finish it. Finish what? -I'm scared. No. Don't let it. You've come this far. -Well... G'bye. It's been Hell. -But I didn't open it! I didn't! Then why are you here? -Then why are you here? I've come for my father! -But it's true, he is his own Hell. Just as you are in yours. And what about you? -Wait! No more deals, Kirsty. It's your flesh we want to experience, not your skill at bargaining. -No more deals, Kirsty. It's your flesh we want to experience, not your skill at bargaining. No deals! Just information. Information. Free of charge. No strings. Just information. -No deals! Just information. Information. Free of charge. No strings. Just information. Go on. But trick us again, child, and your suffering will be legendary even in Hell. -What is this? Someone else you think escaped us, like Frank? No, No, this one didn't escape. You told me you'd always been in Hell. You were wrong. Look at it. LOOK. IT'S YOU. -No, No, this one didn't escape. You told me you'd always been in Hell. You were wrong. Look at it. LOOK. IT'S YOU. Nonsense, I... -Nonsense, I... It's you! You HAVEN'T always been as you are. You were HUMAN. Remember. Remember all your confusions. Think! -I... remember. You were ALL human! -Where am I? You're in the Malahide Institute. It's a psychiatric hospital. But, hey, don't feel judged -- it was just the nearest place to bring you. Remember? You and your boyfriend...? -You're in the Malahide Institute. It's a psychiatric hospital. But, hey, don't feel judged -- it was just the nearest place to bring you. Remember? You and your boyfriend...? Steve... -Steve... Don't worry. He's O.K. We sent him home hours ago. Jeez, what a story. -What was it, kid? Smack? Angel dust? Don't tell me acid's back in fashion? What are you talking about? Who are you? -What are you talking about? Who are you? Oh, excuse me... -I thought Steve had talked to you? Oh, pardon me. I obviously didn't convey my hesitation to take his story at face-value. No, YOU talk to me. But -- do me a favor? -- none of this DEMONS crap. -He talked about Demons, huh? Yeah. -What the hell are you asking me for? Tag it. Move it. The mattress... The mattress... JULIA. -Easy, easy. Whatever happened, whatever you saw, it's not here now. I saw it... him. But I got away. And I took the box. And I solved it. And they came. -I saw it... him. But I got away. And I took the box. And I solved it. And they came. Who? -Who? The Cenobites. -"I need to touch it to ""see""..." See what?? -See what?? The past, the future, whatever this object holds. -The past, the future, whatever this object holds. Is he serious?? -Is he serious?? Don't worry about fingerprints. I never had any. -They were over here, Professor. Oooh!! Who was here? Nixon? Houdini? You mind sharing your mystic insights? -Look at them ugly suckers, Blue. One sheet of glass between them and us. Story of my life. -Story of my life. I break it, they see us, Happy Halloween. No more hiding. Outside. I could be outside -- -I break it, they see us, Happy Halloween. No more hiding. Outside. I could be outside -- You mean, outside... with her. -Don't get psychic with me. Nothing psychic about it. You're easy. -How am I ever gonna get a girl?? I drive around in a garbage truck Liz left us, Red. Take the hint. -Liz left us, Red. Take the hint. We don't take hints. -Would'ya look at this babies? Made 'em myself. Holy water, silver shavings, white oak: the works. Behind this door. A dark entity -- Evil, ancient and hungry. -Hey. Stinky. Kitchen's closed. Whatcha havin'? Six library guards, raw? Plus belts and boots? Man, you're gonna need some heavy fiber to move that out -- Red, I found something -- -Nah -- he's taken care of. No, listen this: Sammael, the desolate one, lord of the shadows, son of Nergal -- -You were burned by some organic acid. I'm lucky that way. -Red. How long was it latched onto you? I dunno, maybe five seconds -- ow! -Touched you five seconds. Laid three eggs. Didn't even buy me a drink. -Remind me why I keep doing this. Rotten eggs and the safety of mankind. -Rotten eggs and the safety of mankind. Oh, right -- -That's all for you, Sammy. Red -- you need to hear the rest of the information -- -hound of resurrection -- See? I don't like that -- -See? I don't like that -- -- Hound of resurrection? -harbinger of pestilence, seed of destruction -- Skip to the end, willya? How do I kill it -- ? -Skip to the end, willya? How do I kill it -- ? It doesn't say -- -This is an important mission, Sgt. Whitman. I hope you realize that. Oh -- you don't wanna know what I think. Topside, now. -Sgt. Whitman!! Sgt. Whitman!! May I have a word?? What is it? -What is it? In private, if you don't mind... -You are a Catholic?? Amongst other things, yes -- but that's hardly the point. -Here. You'll need one of these. I abhor violence. Sergeant Whitman, I hope you don't think me mad -- -I abhor violence. Sergeant Whitman, I hope you don't think me mad -- "Three days too late for that one, ""professor.""" -You're wasting our time: There's nothing on this island but sheep and rocks. Ruins. Not rocks. The remains of Trondham Abbey. Built on an intersection of Ley Lines, the boundaries between our world and the other -- -Ruins. Not rocks. The remains of Trondham Abbey. Built on an intersection of Ley Lines, the boundaries between our world and the other -- What a load of crap. Hell, a week ago I hadn't even heard the word parabnormal -- -What a load of crap. Hell, a week ago I hadn't even heard the word parabnormal -- """Paranormal"" But -- you read the transmission." -"""Paranormal"" But -- you read the transmission." Half transmission. Nonsense -- German ghost stories! -Half transmission. Nonsense -- German ghost stories! I have seen ghosts, Whitman. -I have seen ghosts, Whitman. Oh, I'll bet you have. -The freak in the gas mask -- Karl Ruprecht Kroenen, one of the Reich's top Scientists. Head of the Thule Occult Society. -If he's here, this is worse than I thought. Air and sea backup. What's closest? -Cordon off the area. Something came through. From where??!! -It's almost over!! No. It's not. -Do you believe in hell? There is a place -- a dark place where evil slumbers and awaits to return. From there it infects our dreams. Our thoughts. Grigory gave us a glance tonight -- -There is a place -- a dark place where evil slumbers and awaits to return. From there it infects our dreams. Our thoughts. Grigory gave us a glance tonight -- Grigory -- That's Russian, right? Thought they were on our side... -Grigory -- That's Russian, right? Thought they were on our side... Grigory Yefimovich Rasputin -- -Grigory Yefimovich Rasputin -- C'mon -- Rasputin?? -C'mon -- Rasputin?? Spiritual advisor to the Romanovs. In 1916, at a dinner in his honor, he was poisoned, shot, stabbed, clubbed, drowned and castrated. -Spiritual advisor to the Romanovs. In 1916, at a dinner in his honor, he was poisoned, shot, stabbed, clubbed, drowned and castrated. That makes him more than a hundred -- -What the hell was that? An ape? No. It was red. Bright red. -It's got a big stone -- in its hand -- I think that is its hand. -Every time the media get a look at him, they come to me. I'm running out of lies, Trevor. I thought you liked being on TV. -I thought you liked being on TV. I do. How many escapes? This year alone: five! -I do. How many escapes? This year alone: five! Tom -- he's our guest, not a prisoner. -Tom -- he's our guest, not a prisoner. "Your ""guest"" happens to be six foot five, bright red, and is government funded." -"Your ""guest"" happens to be six foot five, bright red, and is government funded." He's just going through a phase -- -These freaks, Trevor, they give me the creeps. And I'm not the only one. You're up for review. You and your petting zoo. I know where to find him. I'll get him back. -A 16th century statue was destroyed. Saint Dionysius the Aeropagite. Who wards off demons. -Who wards off demons. Smuggled into this country by an overzealous curator. The statue, however, was hollow -- -Smuggled into this country by an overzealous curator. The statue, however, was hollow -- Reliquary -- -Reliquary -- A prison. The Vatican deemed its contents dangerous enough to include it on the List of Avignon. Of which we hold a copy. -Son. About Rasputin -- Don't worry. I'll get him soon enough -- -Don't worry. I'll get him soon enough -- Listen to me. This time is different. There's more at stake than ever before. -Listen to me. This time is different. There's more at stake than ever before. How hard can it be? I punched the crap out of that thing that he sent -- ouch!! -How hard can it be? I punched the crap out of that thing that he sent -- ouch!! I worry about you. -I worry about you. Me?? C'mon -- -Me?? C'mon -- Well, I won't be around forever, you know? -Well, I won't be around forever, you know? Oh, stop that -- Damn! Be careful, there -- -Don't look! Turn around. Is it bad? -How many buildings does she have to burn? She belongs here! That's not how she feels. She may never feel it. -It's her choice -- She's human -- Oh, as opposed to -- ? -They took his name from this little inscription that was stuck on his tank. Icthyo Sapiens, April 14, 1865. -Icthyo Sapiens, April 14, 1865. "The day Abraham Lincoln died. Hence ""Abe"" Sapien." -How does he know so much about me? "Abe possesses a unique frontal lobe. ""Unique."" That's a word you'll hear quite a bit around here." -"Abe possesses a unique frontal lobe. ""Unique."" That's a word you'll hear quite a bit around here." Where am I -- exactly, Sir? -Where am I -- exactly, Sir? As you entered the lobby there was an inscription -- -As you entered the lobby there was an inscription -- On the desk, yes. In Latin. -On the desk, yes. In Latin. Impressive. Do you remember what it said? -Impressive. Do you remember what it said? """In absentia luci, tenebrae vinciunt...""" -"""In absentia luci, tenebrae vinciunt...""" """In the absence of light, darkness prevails."" For there are things that go bump in the night, Agent Myers. We are the ones who bump back." -1958, the occult war finally ends when Adolf Hitler dies. 1945, you mean. Hitler died in '45. -1945, you mean. Hitler died in '45. Did he, now? -I'm in way over my head, I know that much. You're doing fine. -And as a father, I worry about him. In medieval stories, Agent Myers, there's often a young knight, inexperienced but pure of heart... "Oh, please. I'm not ""pure of heart.""" -Who's the squirt? Agent Myers is your new liaison. -Agent Myers is your new liaison. Got tired of me? -Got tired of me? Nah. I'll be around, Red, just back in the field. -I don't want him. Manning says I'm too soft on you -- The candy. Give him the candy. -Well, you did break out -- I wanted to see her. It's nobody's business. -I wanted to see her. It's nobody's business. It is. You got yourself on TV again. -It is. You got yourself on TV again. """Myers"", huh? You have a first name??" -"""Myers"", huh? You have a first name??" Try not to stare. He hates when people stare. -Hey, hey, hey. They're playing our song. We're on the move. -We're on the move. C'mon, Champ! Happy Halloween!!! You're taking me for a walk! -At nineteen hundred hours an alarm tripped. B&E. Robbery. Six guards dead -- Hold on -- hold on -- I thought we checked this place. Fakes, and reproductions. -C'mon, champ. You look a little woozy, there. This -- ? This is nothing. You know what'll kill me? Her. -They're not speaking. Professor Broom had him grounded. Grounded? Who's grounded? -Grounded? Who's grounded? Okay. You saw the fish man, right? -He gets fed six times a day. He's got a thing for cats. You'll be his nanny, his keeper, his best friend. He never goes out unsupervised -- Who?! -Oh, Jesus!! Hellboy -- ?? Is real -- Yup. Sixty years old by our count. But he doesn't age like we do -- think dog years: He's barely out of his teens. -Uh-oh -- John. Staring at what? "His horns. He files 'em. To ""fit in.""" -"His horns. He files 'em. To ""fit in.""" His what??!! -Sir, may I go first?? Not so fast. He barely knows him -- -That voice -- I sang the first lullaby you ever heard, my child. I ushered you into this world. I alone know your true calling, your true name. -I sang the first lullaby you ever heard, my child. I ushered you into this world. I alone know your true calling, your true name. Don't tell me, it's Zeppo. -She's dead. Noooo! Noooo!!! -"Names hold the power and nature of things. Mine for example. Rasputin: ""The crossroads."" And crossroads I have become. Your true name: Anung-un-Rama. Repeat it. Become the key." Anung-un-Rama... -You will never fulfill your destiny. You will never understand the power inside you. I can live with that. -But not everyone was so lucky. Two agents died today. Clay probably won't survive the night. You're reckless. I knew those men better than you did -- -I knew those men better than you did -- Ah, I see. That makes it all alright then. -No, it doesn't make it right, but I stopped that creature, didn't I? That's what you do. That's why we need you. You have an insight. You know monsters. -That's what you do. That's why we need you. You have an insight. You know monsters. What are you trying to say? -What are you trying to say? In the end, after you've killed and captured every freak out there -- there's still one left: you. -In the end, after you've killed and captured every freak out there -- there's still one left: you. I wish I could be more gracious but -- -"""One falls, two shall arise."" So: you pop one, two come out. You kill two, you get four. You kill four, you're in trouble. We have to nail 'em all at once. And the eggs." When we do: No mumbo-jumbo. Double- core Vulcan-65 grenades. -We've installed a very handy timer. Set it, walk away. Cable pulls the safety pins, K-boom! Easy to clean, easy to use... Those things never work. Never. -Those things never work. Never. Each of us gets a belt. -Each of us gets a belt. I won't take 'em. They never work. -We should go back -- you -- you could tear that door apart -- Don't move. We -- -Don't move. We -- -- should go back. Now! --- should go back. Now! No. Don't -- -No. Don't -- I'm in charge. We go back! -You'd better stay here. I'll find a way out. We'll come back for you. You call that thing a cigar?? -You call that thing a cigar?? Yup. -Yup. You never, ever light a cigar that way. -Thank you. My job. -You're kidding -- Those comics -- They never got the eyes right. -Oh. Uh. Hello. I -- I have these. For you. Father's back? Still angry? -Whatcha looking at, John?? Oh-n-no -- I -- -Helping you -- I just -- No one ever helps me. It's my job. -Myers??? How's your arm? My arm is fine. Where are you?? -I just fried Stinky. Tell Father I'll be home. He shouldn't wait up. Wait -- Wait -- You can't go anywhere -- I gotta go with you -- -Wait -- Wait -- You can't go anywhere -- I gotta go with you -- No, no, no, it's fine: I do my job, I take a break. -No, no, no, it's fine: I do my job, I take a break. No. Stop. Don't do this -- Listen to me -- Tell me where you are -- -No. Stop. Don't do this -- Listen to me -- Tell me where you are -- Myers? -Myers? Yes? -Yes? Goodbye. -What took you so long? C'mon, time to go home. Tape you up. -C'mon, time to go home. Tape you up. What are you, a Boy Scout? -What are you, a Boy Scout? No. I never was. -No. I never was. Could've fooled me. Go away. -You want me to hold him down? That's right, Stud, hold me down. -Down there. Did you ever loose track of him? Well, let's see -- there was that moment, when I had a train on top of my head -- -"Mmmh -- ""Pamcakes."" We're going out --" Professor, that girl you were talking about -- -Professor, that girl you were talking about -- Hey. You: think twice -- -Hey. You: think twice -- I think I can help -- Talk to her -- I can bring her back. -I think I can help -- Talk to her -- I can bring her back. "What landed you this job, pushing ""pamcakes""? Punctuality? What was your area of expertise?" -What was that?? Hostage negotiations. -Where do you -- Shh! Just a second. -"Myers, you're a talker. What's a good word -- a solid word for ""need"" --" """Need"" is a good, solid word." -"""Need"" is a good, solid word." "Nah, sounds too ""needy.""" -"Nah, sounds too ""needy.""" Start in, you got nachos coming. -Hey, your chili's getting cold -- Not hungry. -Anything else you -- Not from you. -Not from you. Well good n- -Well good n- Good night. -Are you sure about this? On a scale of one to ten: two. But -- -- she'll take care of you, Myers. She's a tough one. -Keep her safe. No matter what. I'll deal with whatever's back there. Alone? -Alone? How big can it be? -You better have that looked at. Just a scratch. I wanted to see you. -We miss you at the Bureau. Abe's crazier every day. And Father's still mad at me -- Come back, Liz. Come back. I -- No. Not this time, H.B. It's been months since I've had an episode. And you know what? I'm learning to control it. -Goodnight, then. Goodnight. -Um... Liz -- I -- there's something I'd like you to -- something I need you to hear. Well. Is it long?? I'm going out, but -- -Well. Is it long?? I'm going out, but -- Out? Out out? -Out? Out out? For a cup of coffee, but go ahead, read. -For a cup of coffee, but go ahead, read. You're going alone? -You're going alone? No. Myers is taking me. -It's nothing. Just a list -- It's not finished -- Oh, okay then. Maybe later then. -Hi. I've changed my mind. I'll come to Moscow. If you -- are still going -- -But I understand what you don't like about me. I do. What I am makes you feel out of place -- out there -- Red, I -- -Red, I -- Listen. I'm not like Myers. He makes you feel like you belong. And -- that's good. It really is. I -- wish I could do something about this -- But I can't. I can promise you only two things... One: I'll always look this good. Two: I won't give up on you. Ever. -Listen. I'm not like Myers. He makes you feel like you belong. And -- that's good. It really is. I -- wish I could do something about this -- But I can't. I can promise you only two things... One: I'll always look this good. Two: I won't give up on you. Ever. I like that... -I like that... Good. -Okay, someone's expecting us. Turn on your locators -- Anyone sees anything... Marco... -Marco... ...Polo. -Liz -- can I call you Liz? It's a beautiful name -- "60% OF THE WOMEN IN THIS WORLD ARE NAMED ""LIZ""." -"60% OF THE WOMEN IN THIS WORLD ARE NAMED ""LIZ""." It's still impressive by my standards: My name's John. -Dr. Broom asked me to invite you back to the Bureau. No special precautions, no security escorts. You and me in a taxi. Like regular folks. Doesn't sounds like him. -Doesn't sounds like him. Miss Sherman, he's asking you back, but it's entirely your choice. -I admire him. He's a force of nature. He's just pushy. -He's just pushy. No... He's determined. Unstoppable -- -No... He's determined. Unstoppable -- Cocky. -Cocky. Strong. -Strong. A brute. -A brute. My uncle used to say... we like people for their qualities but love them for their defects. -He -- loves you. I know. -I know. What about you? -What about you? Don't know. Really. I grew up with him. I've missed him too, but now, every time I see him, I get confused. Hardly a day goes by he's not in my mind. Even now, I feel he's here -- -It's freezing, isn't it? Coffee's warming me up. -But it's not true, is it? What -- ? -What -- ? That you feel that way about me. -That you feel that way about me. You want to know -- Now -- ? Here? Red, white, whatever -- Guys are all the same. -Hit me. What? -Hello, I'm -- -- Late. Five minutes late. --- Late. Five minutes late. Yes, I -- -Yes, I -- -- Section fifty-one. Step back. --- Section fifty-one. Step back. Pardon? -Pardon? Two steps back, please. -Wait! Wait! Watch the fucking paint work. Look, do you want the bed in or not? -Look, do you want the bed in or not? Just take it slowly. -Just take it slowly. Oh, sod you. -Christ! What's the problem? -What's the problem? My fucking hand! -You fucking ass-holes. Who are you calling a fucking ass- hole? It's this bastard bed that's your fucking problem! -It's my lucky day. Hi. -Hi. Want to buy a bed? -Want to buy a bed? Not much. -What's happening? We're leaving. -We're leaving. Where's my father? -Will you sign for the bed? Sure. -Eh, Chas, slow it down like the man says. It'll go in. -Alright, let's give it another try. Do you really need this bed, lady? -That your daughter? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Got her mother's looks. -Got her mother's looks. Her mother's dead. -Oh. Julia's my second wife. -Julia's my second wife. Lucky man. -Lucky man. Damn right. Now are we going to move the bed or not? -The box... you opened it. We came. It's just a puzzle box. -It's just a puzzle box. It's a means to summon us -- it's called the Lament Configuration. -It's a means to summon us -- it's called the Lament Configuration. Who are you? -Who are you? Cenobites. Explorers in the further regions of experience. Demons to some. Angels to others. -Cenobites. Explorers in the further regions of experience. Demons to some. Angels to others. Well, I didn't mean to open that thing. You can go back wherever you came from. -This isn't for real. You solved the box. We came. Now you must come with us. Taste our pleasures. -He doesn't see us, or hear us. We belong to you, Kirsty. And you to us. No! -Let me alone, will you? No tears please. It's a waste of good suffering. -No time for argument. You did this before, right? -You did this before, right? Many times. -Many times. To a man called Frank Cotton? -Nobody escapes us. HE did. I've seen him. -Suppose he HAD slipped us. What significance has that? I could lead you right to him. You could take him back to Hell instead of me. -We want the man who did this -- No. That wasn't the deal. -Just in time. Stay the fuck away from me. -We've got such sights to show you -- You can keep them. -Please. Get back into bed. I have to speak to my father. -I have to speak to my father. That's easily arranged. But first, back into bed. -That's easily arranged. But first, back into bed. It's important. -It's important. You took quite a beating. You must lie down. -Please listen to me -- First things first. You can have a telephone when we've talked. Do you know who did this to you? -You were holding onto it like grim death. I don't remember. -I don't remember. Well the police are going to want to speak to you. You know that. -Well the police are going to want to speak to you. You know that. Oh Christ. -Oh Christ. We'll get you a phone as long as you promise to stay put. -Julia! Kirsty? -Kirsty. It's Frank. It's Uncle Frank. No. -No. You remember. -You remember. No. -No. Come to Daddy. -Don't touch me. Or so help me -- What? What will you do? What CAN you do? There's nothing to be frightened of. -I bet you make your Daddy proud, don't you? Beautiful. This isn't happening. -This isn't happening. I used to tell myself that. Used to try and pretend I was dreaming all the pain. But why kid yourself? Some things have to be endured. Take it from me. And that makes the pleasures so much sweeter... -No. One last time. Give me the box. -One last time. Give me the box. You want it? -Come to Daddy. This isn't happening. -This isn't happening. Some things have to be endured... -Oh my God. Don't mourn him. He was dead long before we laid a finger on him. -You bastard -- Poor baby. -Poor baby. Bastard. -Bastard. Hush now. It's all right Frank's here. -Hush now. It's all right Frank's here. Frank -- -Frank -- That's right. This is Frank you're talking to, remember? FRANK. -You're Julia, right? That's right. Who are you? -That's right. Who are you? I'm brother Frank. -I'm brother Frank. Oh. -Oh. I came for the wedding. -There is going to BE a wedding? Oh. Oh yes. -Oh. Oh yes. Well can I come in or not? -Well can I come in or not? I'm sorry. Of course. You're very welcome. -Well? I don't want to see the dress. -I don't want to see the dress. But you said -- -But you said -- I don't want to see the dress. -What about Larry -- Forget him. -Wedded bliss? I'm very happy. -I'm very happy. Sure you are. -Julia. Oh my God. -Oh my God. Don't look at me. -Don't look at me. Who are you? -Who are you? I said: don't look. -Help me. Tell me who you are. -Tell me who you are. Frank. -No. God no. Believe me. It's me. It's really me. -Believe me. It's me. It's really me. What happened to you? -What happened to you? His blood... on the floor... It brought me back. -His blood... on the floor... It brought me back. Back from where? -Back from where? Just help, will you? Please God, help me -- -...somebody... Ssh! -You can't let me stay like this. Please. You can't. What do you want me to do. -What do you want me to do. The blood brought me this far. I need more of the same. Or I'll slip back... -I'm hurting Hurting. -Hurting. My nerves... are beginning to work again. -My nerves... are beginning to work again. Good. -Good. One more. Maybe two -- --- to heal me completely. Then we can be away from here, before they come looking. Who? -Who? The Cenobites. It's only a matter of time before they find I've slipped them. I have to get away from here. -Poor Larry. Obedient as ever. Keep your voice down. -Ssh. Don't want babe to hear. You're hurting. -You're hurting. You won't cheat me will you? You'll stay with me. Help me. Then we can be together, the way we were before. We belong to each other now, for better or worse... -Well? Better. Very much better. I'd like something to wear. And some cigarettes. Will you bring me some? -Better. Very much better. I'd like something to wear. And some cigarettes. Will you bring me some? Later. -Later. What? -What? I want an explanation first. I want to know what happened to you. -I want an explanation first. I want to know what happened to you. Not know. -Not know. Tell me, damn you. -A long time. You promised me an explanation. -This is what began it. A box? -A box? It's not any box. It's called the Lament Configuration. It's a puzzle. -It's not any box. It's called the Lament Configuration. It's a puzzle. Let me see. -Let me see. Don't touch it. It's dangerous. It opens doors. -Don't touch it. It's dangerous. It opens doors. What kind of doors? -What kind of doors? To experience beyond anything ever known. At least that's what I was promised when I bought it. Pleasure from Heaven or Hell. I didn't much care which. -To experience beyond anything ever known. At least that's what I was promised when I bought it. Pleasure from Heaven or Hell. I didn't much care which. Hell... -Hell... I was bored. I'd done everything. I'd gone to the limits. There was nothing left to experience. At least nothing I could buy on earth. -I was bored. I'd done everything. I'd gone to the limits. There was nothing left to experience. At least nothing I could buy on earth. And you came back here to solve the puzzle -- -And you came back here to solve the puzzle -- Sure. Somewhere safe. Safe. Christ! They tortured me here. In this room. -Sure. Somewhere safe. Safe. Christ! They tortured me here. In this room. Who did? -Who did? The Cenobites. The creatures the box set free. Sometimes I think they're still here. Just behind the walls. Them and their hooks and their beasts. Just waiting to break out again. Except that I've got the box. -The Cenobites. The creatures the box set free. Sometimes I think they're still here. Just behind the walls. Them and their hooks and their beasts. Just waiting to break out again. Except that I've got the box. You're still afraid. -You're still afraid. You would be. They tore me apart. -You would be. They tore me apart. So you were cheated. -So you were cheated. No. They gave me experiences beyond the limits. Pain and pleasure, indivisible. -They took my body, but my spirit... they left that here. In the boards, in the walls. Watching the world, but not able to TOUCH it. And the blood let you out? -And the blood let you out? It gave me a little chance, and I took it. They won't get me back. I'm going to live, and you're going to help me. Yes? -It gave me a little chance, and I took it. They won't get me back. I'm going to live, and you're going to help me. Yes? Yes. They'll never find us. -You can't love him. I don't. -I don't. So where's the harm? -So where's the harm? I said no. -I said no. Then find me somebody else, before they come looking. -She'll tell them everything... I don't think so. She'll want Larry first. -I don't think so. She'll want Larry first. That's probably her now. Or the police. -That's probably her now. Or the police. Maybe. -Maybe. Don't you care? -Don't you care? There's very little I can do about it. -There's very little I can do about it. Maybe we should just leave -- -Maybe we should just leave -- Like this? Look at me! LIKE THIS? -Like this? Look at me! LIKE THIS? Well we can't just stay here -- -Well we can't just stay here -- I need a skin. Then we leave -- -Kirsty. Hi. I got soaked. -Hi. I got soaked. There's a towel in the bathroom. -There's a towel in the bathroom. Which is where? -Which is where? Just to your left. -What happened? Just an accident. He's all right. Will you drive? He needs stitches. -Just an accident. He's all right. Will you drive? He needs stitches. Sure. -Sure. The keys are in the kitchen. -Kirsty? It's very late. Where's Daddy? -Where's Daddy? What's the problem? -What's the problem? I have to see my father. -I have to see my father. Of course. There's no need to shout. -You look terrible. Have you had an accident? I was here this afternoon. -I was here this afternoon. This afternoon. -This afternoon. I saw everything. -I saw everything. I'm sorry, I don't follow. What was there to see? -No, damn you -- Oh my God. -It's ONE of these. We're going to freeze to death. -We're going to freeze to death. O.K. O.K. -Maybe somebody changed the lock. Like who? -Like who? Just a thought -- -Just a thought -- Ah! -It smells damp. It's just been empty a while. -How long since you were here? The best part of ten years. -Why didn't he want to sell it? I don't know. Probably wanted a hideaway. -Not exactly modern. We'll sell it. Sell everything. -We'll sell it. Sell everything. I thought half of it was your brother's? -I thought half of it was your brother's? He won't complain. He can pay off some of his creditors. -You know we have to let Kirsty see this place, before we do anything to it. She'll love it. You mean we're moving in? -You're still blaming me. No. I'm not. -No. I'm not. You wanted to come back to London. We came back. -All right. So what's the argument? -So what's the argument? No argument. -No argument. Oh Christ. Julia... -Larry! I hear you. -Where are you? In here. -He's here? He's BEEN here. There's stuff in the kitchen. He must have made a hasty exit. -Well? Why not? -Why not? We'll move in Sunday. -How are you doing through there? It looks like a bomb's dropped. -What have you done? I cut myself. -Is it deep? I don't know, I haven't looked. You know me and blood. -I don't know, I haven't looked. You know me and blood. You're NOT going to faint. -You're NOT going to faint. Shit. -Shit. Let me see. -It's probably going to need stitches. I'm going to throw up. -I'm going to throw up. No, you're not. -Take it slowly. So damn stupid. -So damn stupid. You're done worse. -You're done worse. I'll be scarred for life. -I'll be scarred for life. No you won't. -Look, I'm going to have to leave you guys to keep each other company. Larry.... -Larry.... Anyway, it's bad luck to see too much of the bride before the wedding. -Would you excuse me? I think I'm going to go to bed. Are you O.K.? -Julia? I'm here. -I'm here. Sweetheart... I've been calling you. -Are you all right? Just feeling a bit sick. -Just feeling a bit sick. Oh, babe... -I'll be O.K. Just leave me be a while. Can I get you anything? -Can I get you anything? Maybe a brandy. -Maybe a brandy. Sure. -Sure. I'll be down in a minute -I'll be down in a minute O.K. -Just a moment. Put on some music will you babe? O.K. -Who was it? Kirsty. -Is this upsetting you? I've seen worse. -Are you all right? Fine. -Fine. Only I'll turn it off -- --- I'll go see. No. I'll do it. -Larry... What's wrong with you? -Oh baby. Don't go upstairs. -Don't go upstairs. Come with me then. -Huh? Please... -Please... What's wrong with you? -What's wrong with you? Please. I can't bear it... -What's wrong? I don't know where to begin... -I don't know where to begin... What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? It's better you see for yourself -- -Dead. He was insane, baby: a mad dog. I put him out of his misery -- -Not much fun, is it? What? -What? Drinking alone. -Drinking alone. Not much. -Not much. I wonder, maybe... -What are you drinking? Just soda. -Just soda. Plain soda? -Plain soda? Please. -Please. I try not to drink at lunch-time. Makes me sleepy in the afternoon. You like to keep a clear head, eh? One soda, one whisky. I do it anyway. No will-power. Got a busy afternoon? -I try not to drink at lunch-time. Makes me sleepy in the afternoon. You like to keep a clear head, eh? One soda, one whisky. I do it anyway. No will-power. Got a busy afternoon? That depends. -That depends. Oh? -You know it's not often I... you know... There's a first time for everything. -There's a first time for everything. I suppose that's right. -I suppose that's right. You want something to drink? -You want something to drink? I'm already way over my usual limit. You know, it's funny. I feel like I've known you for years. -Well, isn't it? I... suppose so, yes. -I... suppose so, yes. So, what's your problem? Let's get to it. You're not going to change your fucking mind ? -So, what's your problem? Let's get to it. You're not going to change your fucking mind ? No. No. Let's go upstairs. -No. No. Let's go upstairs. That's more like it. -Is this your place ? Do you care ? -Do you care ? No, not much. -No, not much. Let's keep it that way, shall we? -Let's keep it that way, shall we? No personal details? -No personal details? That's right. -This isn't the bedroom. No. -What's going on? We don't need a bed, do we? -I suppose not. I prefer the floor. -First time for everything. That's right. -Why don't you take off your jacket? You're warm. Yeah, why don't I? -Why don't you do the same? Maybe I will. -You know, you're very beautiful. Am I? -Am I? You know you are. Loveliest woman I ever set eyes on. -Oh Christ. What's wrong? -What's wrong? Too much drink. Better empty my bladder. -You're awake. Good girl. What happened to me? -What happened to me? I'll get the doctor. -I'll get the doctor. Wait a moment -- -Who brought me in here? I won't be a moment. -What a pretty tune. My father doesn't answer. I have to go find him. -My father doesn't answer. I have to go find him. I'm afraid you'll have to wait until the police have spoken to you. Keep trying your father; he'll answer eventually. -I'm afraid you'll have to wait until the police have spoken to you. Keep trying your father; he'll answer eventually. I called another friend of mine and he's coming over. Will you let him in? -I called another friend of mine and he's coming over. Will you let him in? Of course. This isn't a prison you know. Look if you'd prefer to tell ME what happened, instead of a policeman -- -You wouldn't believe me. Try me. -Well, if you change your mind. What's this friend's name? Steve. -Who's there? Daddy? -Kirsty? I got through. -I got through. Where are you? -Where are you? I found a room. -I found a room. What did you say? -What did you say? I said: I found a room. -I thought you were going to stay with us for awhile? No Dad. -No Dad. You'd like the house. -You'd like the house. YOU'D like my room. -YOU'D like my room. Do you want me to come over? -Well I want you to see the house. I'm not going to change my mind, Dad. -Great. Well come over, will you? See the place? -Well come over, will you? See the place? Maybe later in the week. First I've got to find myself a job. -Maybe later in the week. First I've got to find myself a job. What for, honey? You know we can look after you. You've made the gesture -- -What for, honey? You know we can look after you. You've made the gesture -- It's not a gesture. I want to do this on my own. Come on, trust me a little will you? -It's not a gesture. I want to do this on my own. Come on, trust me a little will you? I do. I'd just feel happier if you were with us. -I do. I'd just feel happier if you were with us. I'll come over and see you in the next few days. You can show me the mansion. O.K.? -I'll come over and see you in the next few days. You can show me the mansion. O.K.? You will keep in touch. -You will keep in touch. Of course. Every day. -Of course. Every day. O.K. -O.K. Take care, Dad. -Take care, Dad. Call me tomorrow. -Call me tomorrow. I will. See you. -Big house. You like? -You like? Me like. -I'll show you around when we've got this damn bed moved. Is Julia here? -Is Julia here? Upstairs. Treat her gently, huh? She hates moving. -Upstairs. Treat her gently, huh? She hates moving. Surprise. -Surprise. Kirsty. -Kirsty. O.K. I'll be nice. You get on with the muscle work. I'll make myself some coffee. -O.K. I'll be nice. You get on with the muscle work. I'll make myself some coffee. Kitchen's through on your left. -Are you O.K.? Sure. -What are you drinking, love? I've forgotten. -I've forgotten. Steve? -I just wanted to be sure you were O.K. Never better. You sleep well. -Never better. You sleep well. Yeah. -Yeah. I love you, honey. -I love you, honey. I love you too. -...maybe we should never have come back. Maybe you should give it some time. -Maybe you should give it some time. I guess. -I guess. She's not like Mom. She's... I don't know... moody. I thought that was what you liked about her. -She's not like Mom. She's... I don't know... moody. I thought that was what you liked about her. You don't like her at all do you? -She doesn't even want to leave the house. Really? -Really? It's like she's waiting for something. -It's like she's waiting for something. What? -What? I don't know. I don't know. It's beyond me. -Would you... maybe call round sometime? Try to make friends. Sure. -Sure. Maybe all she needs is some company. -I have to talk to you. Of course. -It's all right, sweetheart. Julia's told me everything; and it's all right... No. You don't understand. Your brother -- Frank -- he's here in the house. And he's -- -No. You don't understand. Your brother -- Frank -- he's here in the house. And he's -- Whatever Frank did was his error. And it's finished with now. -Whatever Frank did was his error. And it's finished with now. Finished? -Finished? He's gone. -He's gone. Gone? -Poor Frank. He's better off dead. I don't believe it. -I don't believe it. I'm afraid it's true. -I'm afraid it's true. I want to see. -I want to see. No you don't. -No you don't. Yes! -Yes! Show her. -Get the fuck out of here. What's the problem? -What's the problem? PLEASE. You're in danger. -PLEASE. You're in danger. No. It's all over. -No. It's all over. It isn't. I know what's going on here, and it isn't over -- -Where are you going? I have to get out. -We're on the Cointreau. That's right. Cointreau. -I won't be able to stand. So lie down. -You're not going? Just upstairs. -Need any help? I AM house-trained. -I'm here. I thought we'd lost you. -I thought we'd lost you. I'm coming! Sleep well. -You know I do know the way home. It's late. -It's late. Not that late. -Not that late. Please. I want to see you home. All right? -Please. I want to see you home. All right? All right. No. That's nice. -All right. No. That's nice. If there's a train. -If there's a train. What do we do if there isn't? -What do we do if there isn't? We walk. -Why don't you stay at Larry's house? There's plenty of room. Yeah, there's room. And there's Julia. -Yeah, there's room. And there's Julia. I see. -I see. She's so damn... English. -She's so damn... English. Meaning what? -Meaning what? Oh, I don't know. Up-tight. Frigid. -I beg your pardon? There ya go. I beg your pardon? -There ya go. I beg your pardon? We're not all frigid. -Oh no? Oh no. -Oh no. It's not what I heard. -It's not what I heard. Well you've just been talking to the wrong people. -Oh! Are you alright ? -Are you alright ? I've been better. -I've been better. Your father told me you were working here. -Your father told me you were working here. If I make it through the day. -If I make it through the day. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have surprised you. -I'm sorry, I shouldn't have surprised you. No, it's good to see you. -Are you busy after work ? Just trying to get my apartment in order. -Just trying to get my apartment in order. Can I lend you a hand? -Can I lend you a hand? As long as you don't mind the smell of fur -- -As long as you don't mind the smell of fur -- It's a fetish of mine. -Steve. Thank God you came. What happened to you? -These THINGS... they want to take me -- What things? -What's wrong? Don't let them take me, Steve -- -Don't let them take me, Steve -- I won't let anybody take you. -What? Just go. PLEASE. I'll be O.K. I'm going to go see Dad. He'll look after me -- -Just go. PLEASE. I'll be O.K. I'm going to go see Dad. He'll look after me -- What did I say? -What did I say? Will you GO, damn you? -I'll come back later, huh? Sure. Why not? -'Bye. 'Bye. -Do I know you? I don't know. -Alison's. Really. -Really. Long time ago. I was just thinking about her. I was her first boyfriend. -Rob. Rob Gordon. Circa junior high... I hate to quibble with you Rob, but she married her first boyfriend. Kevin Bannister. -I hate to quibble with you Rob, but she married her first boyfriend. Kevin Bannister. You gotta be kidding me. -You gotta be kidding me. That's right. Kevin. She's Mrs. Kevin Bannister. She lives in Australia. -Really? Married Kevin? Her junior high sweetheart... What chance would I have had against that? None, no chance. That's just fate. I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? Technically, I'm number one. I went out with her a week before Kevin did. Her first boyfriend. Me. -TURN IT OFF, BARRY. IT WON'T GO ANY LOUDER. -What are you doing? I don't want to hear Public Enemy right now. -I don't want to hear Public Enemy right now. Public Enemy! All I'm trying to do is cheer us up. Go ahead and put on some old sad bastard music see if I care. -Public Enemy! All I'm trying to do is cheer us up. Go ahead and put on some old sad bastard music see if I care. I don't want old sad bastard music either. I just want something I can ignore. -I don't want old sad bastard music either. I just want something I can ignore. But it's my new tape. My Monday morning tape. I made it last night just for today. -But it's my new tape. My Monday morning tape. I made it last night just for today. Yeah, well it's fucking Monday afternoon. You should get out of bed earlier. -Yeah, well it's fucking Monday afternoon. You should get out of bed earlier. Don't you want to hear what's next? -Don't you want to hear what's next? What's next? -What's next? Play it. -Play it. Say it. -Say it. """Little Latin Lupe Lu.""" -How can it be bullshit to state a preference? Since when did this shop become a fascist regime? -Since when did this shop become a fascist regime? Since you brought that bullshit tape in. -Since you brought that bullshit tape in. Great. That's the fun of working in a record store. Playing crappy pap you don't want to listen to. I thought this tape was going to be, you know, a conversation stimulator. I was going to ask you for your top five records to play on a Monday morning and all that, and you just had to ruin it. -Great. That's the fun of working in a record store. Playing crappy pap you don't want to listen to. I thought this tape was going to be, you know, a conversation stimulator. I was going to ask you for your top five records to play on a Monday morning and all that, and you just had to ruin it. We'll do it next Monday. -We'll do it next Monday. Well what's the point in that? -Nice, Barry. "Rob. Top five musical crimes perpetrated by Stevie Wonder in the '80's and '90's. Subquestion -- is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter- day sins? ""Is it better to burn out than to fade away?""" -"Rob. Top five musical crimes perpetrated by Stevie Wonder in the '80's and '90's. Subquestion -- is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter- day sins? ""Is it better to burn out than to fade away?""" You just drove a fucking customer away, Barry. -You just drove a fucking customer away, Barry. "We didn't even really have it. I happen to know for a fact that the only Stevie Wonder single we have is ""Don't Drive Drunk."" I was just goofing on the straight, and it never cost you a penny." -"We didn't even really have it. I happen to know for a fact that the only Stevie Wonder single we have is ""Don't Drive Drunk."" I was just goofing on the straight, and it never cost you a penny." Not the point. -Not the point. Oh, so what's the point then? -Oh, so what's the point then? I don't want you talking to our customers like that again. -I don't want you talking to our customers like that again. """Our customers?"" You think that Mr. L.L. Bean out there is going to be a regular?" -Barry, I'm fucking broke! I know we used to fuck with anyone who asked for anything we didn't like, but it's gotta stop. Bullshit. The guy was going to buy one record -- which we didn't even have -- and leave and never come back again anyway. Why not have a little fun? Big fucking deal. -Bullshit. The guy was going to buy one record -- which we didn't even have -- and leave and never come back again anyway. Why not have a little fun? Big fucking deal. What did he ever do to you? -What did he ever do to you? He offended me with his terrible taste. -He offended me with his terrible taste. It wasn't even his terrible taste. It was his daughter's. -It wasn't even his terrible taste. It was his daughter's. Oh, now you're defending that motherfucker? You're going soft in your old age, Rob. There was a time when you would have chased him out of the store and up the street. Now all of a sudden I'm offending your golf buddy. You're right, Rob. I am so sorry. How are we ever going to make enough money to get you and Laura into the country club? -Yeah. But now I kind of like it. -I wanna date a musician... I wanna live with a musician. She'd write songs at home, ask me what she thought of them, maybe even include one of our private jokes in the liner notes. -I wanna live with a musician. She'd write songs at home, ask me what she thought of them, maybe even include one of our private jokes in the liner notes. ...Maybe a picture of me in the liner notes... -What did you tell her about the shop for? I didn't know it was classified information. I mean, I know we don't have any customers, but I thought that was a bad thing, not, like, a business strategy. -We're only on the fucking list for Marie's gig at the Pulaski Pub, that's all! All three of us. That's fucking great, Barry. We can spend fifteen bucks on a cab to save five each. Fantastic, Barry! -That's fucking great, Barry. We can spend fifteen bucks on a cab to save five each. Fantastic, Barry! We can take your car. -We can take your car. It's not my car, now is it? It's Laura's car, and thus Laura has it. So it's an ass-bumping double- transferring bus ride through bumblefuck or a fat wad on a cab. Wow. Fucking great. -What? "What do you mean, ""what?""" -"What do you mean, ""what?""" What are you snickering about? -What are you snickering about? I'm not snickering. I'm smiling. Because I'm happy. -I'm not snickering. I'm smiling. Because I'm happy. What am I missing? What do you have to be happy about? -"Okay. Top five side one track ones. Number one... ""Janie Jones,"" the Clash, from The Clash." Ehh. -Ehh. """Thunder Road,"" Bruce Springsteen, from Born to Run. ""Smells Like Teen Spirit,"" Nirvana, Nevermind." -"""Thunder Road,"" Bruce Springsteen, from Born to Run. ""Smells Like Teen Spirit,"" Nirvana, Nevermind." Oh no, Rob, that's not obvious enough. Not at all. Dick, did you hear that? -Oh no, Rob, that's not obvious enough. Not at all. Dick, did you hear that? "Shut up. ""Let's Get It On,"" Marvin Gaye, from Let's Get It On. ""Airbag,"" Radiohead, from OK Computer." -"Shut up. ""Let's Get It On,"" Marvin Gaye, from Let's Get It On. ""Airbag,"" Radiohead, from OK Computer." "Ooh! A kind of recent record! Rob's sly declaration of new classic-status slipped into a list of old classics! Nice! ""Let's Get It On?"" Couldn't you make it more obvious than that?" -"There's something different about the sound of her voice... And what did she mean last night, she hasn't slept with him yet. Yet. What does ""yet"" mean, anyway? ""I haven't seen... Evil Dead II yet."" What does that mean? It means you're going to go, doesn't it?" -- You're like a little squirrel of music, storing away dead little nuts of old garbage music, musical lint, old shit, shit, shit -- --- You're like a little squirrel of music, storing away dead little nuts of old garbage music, musical lint, old shit, shit, shit -- -- Barry, if I were to say to you I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet, what would that mean? -"Just... come on, what would it mean to you? That sentence? ""I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet?""" To me, it would mean that you're a liar. You saw it twice. Once with Laura -- oops -- once with me and Dick. We had that conversation about the possibilities of the guy making ammo off-screen in the Fourteenth Century. -To me, it would mean that you're a liar. You saw it twice. Once with Laura -- oops -- once with me and Dick. We had that conversation about the possibilities of the guy making ammo off-screen in the Fourteenth Century. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But say I hadn't seen it and I said to you, ""I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet,"" what would you think?" -I'd think you were a cinematic idiot. And I'd feel sorry for you. No, but would you think, from that one sentence. That I was going to see it? -No, but would you think, from that one sentence. That I was going to see it? I'm sorry, Rob, but I'm struggling here. I don't understand any part of this conversation. You're asking me what I would think if you told me that you hadn't seen a film that you've seen. What am I supposed to say? -I'm sorry, Rob, but I'm struggling here. I don't understand any part of this conversation. You're asking me what I would think if you told me that you hadn't seen a film that you've seen. What am I supposed to say? Just listen to me. If I said to you -- -Just listen to me. If I said to you -- """-- I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet,"" yeah, yeah, I hear you --" -"""-- I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet,"" yeah, yeah, I hear you --" Would you... would you get the impression that I wanted to see it? -Would you... would you get the impression that I wanted to see it? Well... you couldn't have been desperate to see it, otherwise you'd have already gone... -"...But the word ""yet..."" Yeah, you know what, I'd get the impression that you wanted to see it. Otherwise you'd say you didn't really want to." But in your opinion, would I definitely go? -But in your opinion, would I definitely go? How the fuck am I supposed to know that? You might get sick of people telling you you've really gotta go see the movie. -Why would they care? Because it's a brilliant film. It's funny, violent, and the soundtrack kicks fucking ass. -I never thought I would say this, but can I go work now? Let's pack it up. We haven't had a customer in four hours. -Fine by me. I still want pay to 7 o'clock. Ha. -Un-fucking-believable. Dick's out on a hot date, Rob's boning Marie LaSalle, and the best-looking and most intelligent of all of us isn't getting anything at all. How do you know about that? -How do you know about that? Oh come on, Rob. What am I, an idiot? I'm more bothered by Dick's thing. How did this happen, Dick? What rational explanation can there possibly be? What's her name? -Shut the fuck up, Barry. Yeah, you would say that, wouldn't you? You two have to stick together now. Boners United. United in getting some. -Don't be sad, Barry. You'll find true love someday. Suck my ass. -Suck my ass. Terrific. -Hey. What the fuck is that? -What the fuck is that? My band. -My band. What band? -What band? The band that found me and asked me to join. -The band that found me and asked me to join. You are not in a band, Barry. You are not a musician. And no posters. -You are not in a band, Barry. You are not a musician. And no posters. Thanks for your support, Rob. Really appreciate it. -Thanks for your support, Rob. Really appreciate it. Barrytown. Barrytown? Is there no end to your arrogance? -Barrytown. Barrytown? Is there no end to your arrogance? I didn't make up the name. It's the Steely Dan song. And it was in The Commitments. -I didn't make up the name. It's the Steely Dan song. And it was in The Commitments. You can't be called Barry and sing in a group called Barrytown. -You can't be called Barry and sing in a group called Barrytown. They were fucking called that before I was in it, okay? It wasn't my idea. -They were fucking called that before I was in it, okay? It wasn't my idea. That's why you got the gig, isn't it? -Isn't it? That was one of the reasons they asked me to join originally, yes. But -- -That was one of the reasons they asked me to join originally, yes. But -- Great! That's fucking great! They only asked you to sing because of your name! You can stick it above the browser racks over there. -Great! That's fucking great! They only asked you to sing because of your name! You can stick it above the browser racks over there. How many tickets can I put you down for? -How many tickets can I put you down for? None. Christ! -None. Christ! You're not even coming? -You're not even coming? Of course I'm not coming. Do I look like I'd want to listen to some terrible experimental racket played in some hideous cave? Where is it? The fucking Bucktown Pub? Ha! -Of course I'm not coming. Do I look like I'd want to listen to some terrible experimental racket played in some hideous cave? Where is it? The fucking Bucktown Pub? Ha! So much for friends, then. You're a bitter bastard, Rob, you know that? -So much for friends, then. You're a bitter bastard, Rob, you know that? Bitter? Because I'm not in Barrytown? You should be shot like a lame horse, you jerk. Just keep that out of my window. -What's up? Laura. Her dad died. -Laura. Her dad died. Ooh. Drag. -It was Jan, and it was a long time after-- "Whatever. Okay. ""Tell Laura I Love Her."" That'd bring the house down. Laura's mom could sing it." -"Whatever. Okay. ""Tell Laura I Love Her."" That'd bring the house down. Laura's mom could sing it." Fuck off, Barry. -Fuck off, Barry. "I'd want ""One Step Beyond"" by Madness. And ""You Can't Always Get What You Want.""" -"I'd want ""One Step Beyond"" by Madness. And ""You Can't Always Get What You Want.""" Because it's in The Big Chill. -Because it's in The Big Chill. Haven't seen it. -Haven't seen it. Liar. We saw it in the Lawrence Kasdan double-bill with Body Heat. -Liar. We saw it in the Lawrence Kasdan double-bill with Body Heat. Oh. Right. But I'd forgotten about that. I wasn't biting the idea. -Oh. Right. But I'd forgotten about that. I wasn't biting the idea. Not really. -The little skate-fuckers. No way. -No way. Yes way. It's really... -What the fuck is that? What? -What? "I heard you, man. Don't give me that ""what"" shit. You just told them that you're gonna put out a record with them." -"I heard you, man. Don't give me that ""what"" shit. You just told them that you're gonna put out a record with them." So? You even said they're good. -So? You even said they're good. HELLO. DO YOU SEE ANYONE ELSE around here with a band, Mr. Branson? Mr. Phil Spector? -Like fuck you are. Laura said we could. If we helped out with the posters and stuff. And we did. And we are. -Laura said we could. If we helped out with the posters and stuff. And we did. And we are. I'll give you 10% of the door if you don't play. -I'll give you 10% of the door if you don't play. We're getting that anyway. -We're getting that anyway. What is she doing? Okay, 20%. -What is she doing? Okay, 20%. No. We need the gig. -No. We need the gig. 110%. That's my final offer. I'm not kidding. That's how much it means to me not to hear you play. -110%. That's my final offer. I'm not kidding. That's how much it means to me not to hear you play. We're not as bad as you think, Rob. -We're not as bad as you think, Rob. You couldn't be. Look, Barry. There's going to be people from Laura's work there, people who own dogs and babies and Tina Turner albums. How are you going to cope with them? -You couldn't be. Look, Barry. There's going to be people from Laura's work there, people who own dogs and babies and Tina Turner albums. How are you going to cope with them? We're not called Barrytown anymore, by the by. They got sick of the Barry/Barrytown thing. We're called SDM. Sonic Death Monkey. -We're not called Barrytown anymore, by the by. They got sick of the Barry/Barrytown thing. We're called SDM. Sonic Death Monkey. Sonic Death Monkey. -Sonic Death Monkey. What do you think? Dick likes it. -What do you think? Dick likes it. Barry, you're over thirty years old. You owe it to yourself and your friends and to your parents not to sing in a group called Sonic Death Monkey. -Barry, you're over thirty years old. You owe it to yourself and your friends and to your parents not to sing in a group called Sonic Death Monkey. I owe it to myself to go right to the edge, Rob, and this group does exactly that. Over the edge, in fact. -I owe it to myself to go right to the edge, Rob, and this group does exactly that. Over the edge, in fact. You'll be going over the fucking edge if you come anywhere near me next Friday night. -You'll be going over the fucking edge if you come anywhere near me next Friday night. That's what we want. Reaction. And if Laura's bourgeois lawyer friends can't take it, then fuck 'em. Let 'em riot, we can handle it. We'll be ready. -"I'm looking for a record for my daughter. For her birthday. ""I Just Called To Say I Love You."" Do you have it?" Oh yeah. We got it. -Great. Can I have it then? No, you can't. -Why not? "Because it's sentimental tacky crap, that's why not. Do we look like the kind of store that sells ""I Just Called To Say I Loved You?"" Go to the mall and stop wasting our time." -"Because it's sentimental tacky crap, that's why not. Do we look like the kind of store that sells ""I Just Called To Say I Loved You?"" Go to the mall and stop wasting our time." What's your problem? What did I... Why are you -- -What's your problem? What did I... Why are you -- Do you even know your daughter? There is no way she likes that song. Or is she in a coma? -It's almost impossible to find, especially on CD. Yet another cruel trick on all of the dumbasses who got rid of their turntables. But every other Echo and the Bunnymen album -- I have all of the others. -I have all of the others. Oh really. Well what about the first Jesus and Mary Chain? -Oh really. Well what about the first Jesus and Mary Chain? They always seemed... -They always seemed... They always seemed what? They always seemed really great, is what they always seemed. They picked up where your precious Echo left off, and you're sitting here complaining about no more Echo albums. I can't believe that you don't own that record. That's insane. -Well what about the new Echo -- Do not get ahead of yourself. -That is perverse. Do not tell anyone you don't own fucking Blonde on Blonde. What about Television? I have a television. -I have a television. NO--! -Holy Shiite! What the fuck's this? It's the new -- -Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels? No. The Righteous Brothers. -No. The Righteous Brothers. Oh well. Nevermind. -What? Nothing. -Nothing. No, not nothing. What's wrong with the Righteous Brothers? -No, not nothing. What's wrong with the Righteous Brothers? Nothing. I just prefer the other one. -Nothing. I just prefer the other one. Bullshit. -"She shouldn't done it on ""The Number Four With a Smile.""" "Isn't her album called ""Number Four With A Smile?""" -"Isn't her album called ""Number Four With A Smile?""" That's what I said. -That's what I said. "No, no, no, you said ""The Number Four With a Smile,"" and there's no ""The"" at the front of the title of the album." -"No, no, no, you said ""The Number Four With a Smile,"" and there's no ""The"" at the front of the title of the album." "It's a reference to a Chinese meal in Toronto and I think that there is a ""The."" But I could be wrong." -"It's a reference to a Chinese meal in Toronto and I think that there is a ""The."" But I could be wrong." You can be and are wrong. -He's got one! On Clark Street! -On Clark Street! A couple blocks! About six! -A couple blocks! About six! We work there! -We work there! You'd love it! -I can't go to the club tonight, guys. Why? -Who are you going to see? Nobody. -Anna. Anna who? Anna Green Gables? Anna Conda? -Anna who? Anna Green Gables? Anna Conda? Anna Moss. -Anna Moss. Anna Moss. Mossy. The Mossy Thing. The Swamp Thing. Is she all green and furry? -Don't do it, Rob! He's not worth it! -"Okay, okay -- ""Leader of the Pack."" The guy fucking cracks up on a cycle and dies right? ""Dead Man's Curve,"" Jan and Dean..." Did you know that after that song was recorded, Jan himself crashed his -- -Did you know that after that song was recorded, Jan himself crashed his -- -- It was Dean, you fucking idiot. -"""Somebody's Gonna Die"" by Blitz. ""Bella Lugosi's Dead,"" Bauhaus. It's got that creepy Halloween feeling." No. No. Mom wants you to come to the funeral. It's on Friday. -Hey, Barry. Oh, hi. -Oh, hi. Where's Rob? -Where's Rob? The Malcolm McClaren of Clark Street is in his executive suite. Do you have an appointment? -The Malcolm McClaren of Clark Street is in his executive suite. Do you have an appointment? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Just that Rob seems to think it would be wiser to start a record label by putting out a record with business- crippling Nazi Youth shoplifters than with someone he knows in his bitter jealous heart is a musical visionary. That's all. -May I help you? I'm looking for Deejay Rob Gordon. -I'm looking for Deejay Rob Gordon. Uh. That's me. -Uh. That's me. I'm Caroline Fortis from The Reader. I want to do a story on you. -I'm Caroline Fortis from The Reader. I want to do a story on you. Right. Why? -Right. Why? Well, I used to go to the Dodger on your nights, and I saw you're doing it again and that your putting out a record, and it's sort of a then-and- now story against the backdrop of the Chicago music scene with the emphasis on now. -Well, I used to go to the Dodger on your nights, and I saw you're doing it again and that your putting out a record, and it's sort of a then-and- now story against the backdrop of the Chicago music scene with the emphasis on now. Oh. Okay. -Oh. Okay. I thought I would ask you a few questions if that's okay. -I thought I would ask you a few questions if that's okay. Huh. You used to come to the club? I shouldn't have let you in. You must have only been about sixteen. -What I mean is, I didn't mean you look young. You don't. You don't look old either. You look just as old as you are. A bit younger maybe, but not a lot. Not much. Just right. So. Is now a good time? -Right. So. You must have an enormous record collection. Yeah. I could show it to you if you want to come over and see it. -Yeah, well... Let's see... What are you're all-time top five records? Pardon me? -Pardon me? Your desert island top-five. -Your desert island top-five. Oh boy... In the club, or at home? -Oh boy... In the club, or at home? Is there a difference? -Is there a difference? "OF COURSE... Well yeah, a bit. ""Sin City"" by the Flying Burrito Brothers is an all-time top five, but I wouldn't play it at the club. It's a country-rock ballad. Everybody'd go home." -"OF COURSE... Well yeah, a bit. ""Sin City"" by the Flying Burrito Brothers is an all-time top five, but I wouldn't play it at the club. It's a country-rock ballad. Everybody'd go home." Nevermind. Any five. So four more. -Nevermind. Any five. So four more. What do you mean, four more? -What do you mean, four more? "Well if one of them is this ""Sin City"" thing --" -"Well if one of them is this ""Sin City"" thing --" Can I go home and work this out and let you know? In a week or so? -Can I go home and work this out and let you know? In a week or so? Look if you can't think of anything, it doesn't matter. I'll do one. My five favorite from the old days at the Dodger. -"Oh, I'm sure I can manage something... ""Sin City."" ""New Rose,"" by The Damned. ""Hit It and Quit It"" by Funkadelic. ""Shipbuilding,"" Elvis Costello, Japanese import, no horns, or different horns, anyway... um... ""Mystery Train"" by Elvis Presley... And... ""Spaced Cowboy"" by Sly and the Family Stone. A bit controversial, I know, but..." Fine. That's great. -Fine. That's great. Is that it? -Is that it? Well, I wouldn't mind a quick chat, if you got the time. -Well, I wouldn't mind a quick chat, if you got the time. Sure, but is that it for the list? -Sure, but is that it for the list? That's five. So. Why did you decide to deejay again? -That's five. So. Why did you decide to deejay again? Well it was a friend's idea, really, and the record release party seemed like a good place to do it. So... I should really put a James Brown in there -- -Well it was a friend's idea, really, and the record release party seemed like a good place to do it. So... I should really put a James Brown in there -- Nice friend. -Nice friend. Yeah. -Yeah. What's his name? -What's his name? Who? Oh. My friend. My friend is Laura. A girl. A friend who's a girl. -Who? Oh. My friend. My friend is Laura. A girl. A friend who's a girl. """Music for Old People."" What does that mean?" -"""Music for Old People."" What does that mean?" "Look, I'm sorry about this, but I'd like ""the Upsetter"" by Lee ""Scratch"" Perry, in there. Instead of ""Sin City.""" -"Okay. ""Dance Music For Old People?""" Oh, you know... a lot of people aren't too old for clubs but they're too old for acid jazz and garage and ambient and all that. They want to hear old funk and Stax and New Wave and Old School Hip Hop and some new stuff all together and there's nowhere for them. -Oh, you know... a lot of people aren't too old for clubs but they're too old for acid jazz and garage and ambient and all that. They want to hear old funk and Stax and New Wave and Old School Hip Hop and some new stuff all together and there's nowhere for them. And the new label? And the Kinky Wizards? -And the new label? And the Kinky Wizards? Oh, well, the Kinky Wizards are -- you know what? Why don't I just make you a tape? -Oh, well, the Kinky Wizards are -- you know what? Why don't I just make you a tape? Would you? Really? Wow. I could have deejay Rob Gordon play in my own home. -Would you? Really? Wow. I could have deejay Rob Gordon play in my own home. Haha. Right. It's no problem. I love making tapes. -Rob, hi, so sorry I missed your call. In LA on business. You know how it gets. Yeah, sure... -Yeah, sure... Good. Great. Yeah... Wow. Rob Gordon. Seems like a 100 million years ago now. -Good. Great. Yeah... Wow. Rob Gordon. Seems like a 100 million years ago now. Yeah. A billion. Right... How are you? -Yeah. A billion. Right... How are you? Fantastic but I'm a little busy right now. Listen. Do you want to come to dinner Saturday? I'm having some friends over and I need a spare man. Are you a spare man? -Fantastic but I'm a little busy right now. Listen. Do you want to come to dinner Saturday? I'm having some friends over and I need a spare man. Are you a spare man? Uh...yes, at the moment. -Uh...yes, at the moment. Great. Gotta go. See you then. -Hey Charlie. Hey Rob. -Hey Rob. Why did you break up with me for Marco? -Why did you break up with me for Marco? Fuck! I knew it! You're going through one of those what-does-it- all-mean things. -Fuck! I knew it! You're going through one of those what-does-it- all-mean things. Huh? -Huh? There's been a rash of them, recently. I find it a little unnerving. In fact Marco called a few months back, and he wanted to see me, and rehash the past as they say, and I wasn't really up for it. Do all men go through this? -There's been a rash of them, recently. I find it a little unnerving. In fact Marco called a few months back, and he wanted to see me, and rehash the past as they say, and I wasn't really up for it. Do all men go through this? C'mon, just answer the question. You can say what you like. What the hell? -It's all kind of lost in the... in the dense mists of time now... It wasn't that I really liked Marco more. In fact I thought you were more, shall we say, attractive than him. It was just that he knew he was good-looking and you didn't, and that made a difference somehow. You used to act as if I was weird for wanting to spend time with you, and that got kind of beat, if you know what I mean. Your self-image started to rub off on me and I ended up thinking that I was strange. And I knew that you were kind and thoughtful... you made me laugh, and I dug the way you got consumed by things you loved... and Marco seemed a bit more, I don't know, glamorous? More sure of himself? Less hard work, because I felt like I was dragging you around, sort of. A little sunnier. Sparkier. I don't know. You know what people are like at that age. They make very superficial judgements. Do you think that's superficial? He was a clown, if it's any consolation. Did you tell that to Marco when he did his what-does-it-all-mean thing with you? -Did you tell that to Marco when he did his what-does-it-all-mean thing with you? Oh God, no. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. -'Morning, Dick. Oh, hi. Hi, Rob. -Oh, hi. Hi, Rob. Good weekend? -Good weekend? Yeah, OK. I found the first Licorice Comfits album at Vintage Vinyl. The one on Testament of Youth. Never released here. Japanese import only. -Yeah, OK. I found the first Licorice Comfits album at Vintage Vinyl. The one on Testament of Youth. Never released here. Japanese import only. Great. -Great. I'll tape it for you. -I'll tape it for you. No, that's okay. Really. -No, that's okay. Really. 'Cause you like their second one, you said, Pop, Girls. etc. The one with Cheryl Ladd on the cover. You didn't see the cover though. -'Cause you like their second one, you said, Pop, Girls. etc. The one with Cheryl Ladd on the cover. You didn't see the cover though. Yeah, I haven't really absorbed that one. -Yeah, I haven't really absorbed that one. Well, I'll just make it for you. -Well, I'll just make it for you. Okay. -What's this? The new Belle and Sebastian. Like it? -Hey. Didn't you steal that one already? Can I help you? -Are you all right? Yeah. I'm sorry... Look Dick, Laura and I broke up. She's gone. And if we ever see Barry again maybe you can tell him that. -Yeah. I'm sorry... Look Dick, Laura and I broke up. She's gone. And if we ever see Barry again maybe you can tell him that. 'Course I will, Rob. No problem. No problem at all. I'll tell him next time I see him. -I've ah... got some other stuff to tell him anyway, so it's no problem. I'll just tell him about, you know, Laura, when I tell him the other stuff. Fine. -Fine. I'll start with your news before I tell him mine, obviously. Mine isn't much, really, just about Marie LaSalle playing at Lounge Ax tonight. I like her, you know, she's kind of Sheryl Crowish... but, you know, good. So I'll tell him before that. Good news and bad news kind of thing. -Or rather, bad news and good news, because he likes this person playing tonight. I mean, he liked Laura too, I didn't mean that. And he likes you. It's just that -- I understand, Dick. -I understand, Dick. Sure. 'Course. Rob, look. Do you want to... talk about it, that kind of thing? -I always hated this song. Yeah. -Let's not. I want a tape. -Rob. Liz, hold on a second -- What? -Liz, hold on a second -- What? Marie LaSalle is in the store! Here, she's here, and now! -Rob --! -- FUCK OFF! -I will now sell four copies of Cats and Dogs by the Royal Trux. Do it. Do it. -Well we rang $900 today. Yeah but more than that. I'm happy because I'm proud of us. Because although our talents are small and peculiar, we use them to their best advantage. -Don't worry about it, Dick. Barry's an asshole. Yeah... Well... I'll see you tomorrow, Rob. -I'm sorry, Rob, that's, it's -- You're a horrible person, Barry. I mean it. -Can I do anything? """Abraham, Martin, and John."" That's a nice one." -What is this. It's Vince and Justin. -It's Vince and Justin. Who's that? -Laura? Are you okay? I am fine... I gotta go. Goodbye. -Yeah, I'm fine. I'm off the phone. You look upset. -You look upset. I'm upset, but I'm fine. -I'm upset, but I'm fine. Maybe I should talk to him. -Maybe I should talk to him. Mmmm, no. Not a good idea. -Mmmm, no. Not a good idea. Conflict resolution is my job, Laura. -Conflict resolution is my job, Laura. Nothing to resolve, Ian. Let's get a drink. -Can I help you? Hello, Rob. Remember me? I'm Ray. Ian. -What needs sorting out? Come on, Rob. My relationship with Laura has obviously disturbed you a great deal. -Come on, Rob. My relationship with Laura has obviously disturbed you a great deal. Funnily enough I haven't been too thrilled about it. -Funnily enough I haven't been too thrilled about it. We are not talking jokey understatement here, Rob. We're talking actionable harassment. Ten phone calls a night, hanging around outside my house... -We are not talking jokey understatement here, Rob. We're talking actionable harassment. Ten phone calls a night, hanging around outside my house... Yeah, well, I've stopped all that now. -Yeah, well, I've stopped all that now. We've noticed and we're glad. But, you know... how are we going to make peace here? We want to make things easier for you. What can we do? Obviously I know how special Laura is, and I know things can't be good for you at the moment. I'd hate it if I lost her. But I'd like to think that if she decided she didn't want to see me anymore, I'd respect that decision. Do you see what I'm saying? -We've noticed and we're glad. But, you know... how are we going to make peace here? We want to make things easier for you. What can we do? Obviously I know how special Laura is, and I know things can't be good for you at the moment. I'd hate it if I lost her. But I'd like to think that if she decided she didn't want to see me anymore, I'd respect that decision. Do you see what I'm saying? Yeah. -Yeah. Good. So shall we leave it at that then? -Good. So shall we leave it at that then? I dunno. -I dunno. Think about it, Rob. -Good. So shall we leave it at that then? I've already left it, you pathetic rebound fuck! Now get your patchouli stink out of my store. -Good. So shall we leave it at that then? We won't leave it, Ian. Not ever. -So shall we leave it at that then? I dunno. -I dunno. Think about it, Rob. -You don't have to go this second. You can stay until whenever. We've done the hard part now. I might as well, you know... -We've done the hard part now. I might as well, you know... Well stay for tonight, then. -Jeez. He goes on long enough. I should be so lucky. -Shit! Hi. -Hi. Hi. -Hi. I thought I could give you a lift back. -I thought I could give you a lift back. Are you coming home? -Are you coming home? Yes. Well, I'm coming over to your house to get some things. -Yes. Well, I'm coming over to your house to get some things. My house? -How can you like Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye? It's like saying you support the Israelis and the Palestinians. It's not like saying that at all, actually, Rob. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye make pop records -- -It's not like saying that at all, actually, Rob. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye make pop records -- -- Made. Made. Marvin Gaye is dead, his father shot him in -- --- Made. Made. Marvin Gaye is dead, his father shot him in -- -- whatever, and the Israelis and the Palestinians don't. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye are not engaged in a bitter territorial dispute, and the Israelis and the Palestinians are. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye -- --- whatever, and the Israelis and the Palestinians don't. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye are not engaged in a bitter territorial dispute, and the Israelis and the Palestinians are. Art Garfunkel and Marvin Gaye -- -- Alright, alright but -- --- Alright, alright but -- -- and who says I like Marvin Gaye, anyway? -"Hey! Marvin Gaye! ""Got to Give It Up!"" That's our song! Marvin Gaye is responsible for our entire relationship!" Is that right? I'd like a word with him. -Is that right? I'd like a word with him. But don't you remember? -But don't you remember? I remember the song. I just couldn't remember who sang it. -"You used to care more about things like Marvin Gaye than you do now. When I first met you, and I made you that tape, you loved it. You said -- and I quote -- ""It was so good it made you ashamed of your record collection.""" Well, I liked you. You were a deejay, and I thought you were hot, and I didn't have a boyfriend, and I wanted one. -Well, I liked you. You were a deejay, and I thought you were hot, and I didn't have a boyfriend, and I wanted one. So you weren't interested in music at all? -So you weren't interested in music at all? Yeah, sure. More so then than I am now. That's life though, isn't it? -But Laura... that's me. That's all there is to me. There isn't anything else. If you've lost interest in that, you've lost interest in everything. You really believe that? -Yes. Look at me. Look at our -- the apartment. What else do I have, other than records and CDs? And do you like it that way? -And do you like it that way? Not really. -Have you tackled the Great Reorganization yet? Don't you think there are more important things to talk about than my record collection? -So. Where have you been staying for the last week? I think you know that. -I think you know that. Had to work it out for myself, though, didn't I? -I'm sorry. I haven't been very fair to you. That's why I came here to the store this evening. I feel terrible, Rob. This is really hard, you know. Good. So. Is it my job? -Good. So. Is it my job? What? Gimme a fucking break. Is that what you think? That your not big enough a deal for me? Jesus, gimme a little credit, Rob. -What? Gimme a fucking break. Is that what you think? That your not big enough a deal for me? Jesus, gimme a little credit, Rob. I don't know. It's one of the things I thought of. -I don't know. It's one of the things I thought of. What were the others? -What were the others? Just the obvious stuff. -Just the obvious stuff. What's the obvious stuff? -What's the obvious stuff? I don't know. -I guess it's not that obvious, then. No. -What? What, what? -Did you say something? No. So. Is it working out with Ian? -No. So. Is it working out with Ian? Rob. Don't be childish. -Rob. Don't be childish. Why is that childish? Your living with the guy! I'm just asking how it's going. -Why is that childish? Your living with the guy! I'm just asking how it's going. I am not living with him. I've just been staying with him for a few days until I work out what I'm doing. Look, this has nothing to do with anyone else. You know that, don't you? I left because we weren't exactly getting along, and we weren't talking about it. And I suddenly realized that I like my job, and I like what my life is could be turning into, and that I'm getting to a point where I want to get my shit together and I can't really see that ever happening with you, and yeah, yeah, I sort of get interested in someone else, and that went further than it should have, so it seemed like a good time to go. But I have no idea what will happen with Ian in the long run. Probably nothing. -I am not living with him. I've just been staying with him for a few days until I work out what I'm doing. Look, this has nothing to do with anyone else. You know that, don't you? I left because we weren't exactly getting along, and we weren't talking about it. And I suddenly realized that I like my job, and I like what my life is could be turning into, and that I'm getting to a point where I want to get my shit together and I can't really see that ever happening with you, and yeah, yeah, I sort of get interested in someone else, and that went further than it should have, so it seemed like a good time to go. But I have no idea what will happen with Ian in the long run. Probably nothing. Well then why don't you quit it while you seem to not be ahead? -Look. Maybe you'll grow up and we'll get it together, you and me. Maybe I'll never see either of you again. I don't know. All I know is that it's not a good time to be living here. So, what, you haven't definitely decide to dump me? There's still a chance we'll get back together? -So, what, you haven't definitely decide to dump me? There's still a chance we'll get back together? I don't know. -I don't know. Well, if you don't know, there's a chance, right? It's like, if someone was in the hospital and he was seriously ill and the doctor said, I don't know if he's got a chance of survival or not, then that doesn't mean the patient's definitely going to die, now does it? It means he might live. Even if it's only a remote possibility. -Well, if you don't know, there's a chance, right? It's like, if someone was in the hospital and he was seriously ill and the doctor said, I don't know if he's got a chance of survival or not, then that doesn't mean the patient's definitely going to die, now does it? It means he might live. Even if it's only a remote possibility. I suppose so. -I suppose so. So we have a chance of getting back together again. -So we have a chance of getting back together again. Oh, Rob, shut up. -Oh, Rob, shut up. Hey, I just want to know where I stand. What chance -- -Hey, I just want to know where I stand. What chance -- -- I don't fucking know what chance you fucking have! -Well if you could tell me roughly it would help. Okay, okay, we have a nine percent chance of getting back together. Does that clarify the situation? -Okay, okay, we have a nine percent chance of getting back together. Does that clarify the situation? Yeah. Great. -Yeah. Great. I'm too tired for this now. I know I'm asking a lot, but will you take off for a while so I can get my stuff packed up? I need to be able to think while I do it and I can't think while you're here. -I'm too tired for this now. I know I'm asking a lot, but will you take off for a while so I can get my stuff packed up? I need to be able to think while I do it and I can't think while you're here. No problem. If I can ask one question. -No problem. If I can ask one question. Fine. One. -Fine. One. It sounds stupid. -It sounds stupid. Nevermind. -Nevermind. You won't like it. -You won't like it. Just ask it! -Just ask it! Is it better? -Is it better? Is what better? Better than what? -Is what better? Better than what? Well. Sex, I guess. Is sex with him better? -Well. Sex, I guess. Is sex with him better? Jesus Christ, Rob. Is that really what's bothering you? -Jesus Christ, Rob. Is that really what's bothering you? Of course it is. -Of course it is. You really think it would make a difference either way? -You really think it would make a difference either way? I don't know. -I don't know. Well the answer is that I don't know either. We haven't done it yet. -Well the answer is that I don't know either. We haven't done it yet. Never? -Never? I haven't felt like it. -I haven't felt like it. But not even before, when he was living upstairs? -But not even before, when he was living upstairs? No. I was living with you, remember? We've slept together but we haven't made love. Not yet. But I'll tell you one thing. The sleeping together is better. -No. I was living with you, remember? We've slept together but we haven't made love. Not yet. But I'll tell you one thing. The sleeping together is better. The sleeping together is better but not the sex because you haven't done it was him yet. -The sleeping together is better but not the sex because you haven't done it was him yet. Will you please just go? -Hi. Hi. I've been looking for an envelope of my receipts from last month and I'm thinking I didn't take them with me. Have you seen them around? -Hi. I've been looking for an envelope of my receipts from last month and I'm thinking I didn't take them with me. Have you seen them around? I'll look for 'em. How you doing? -I'll look for 'em. How you doing? I'm sorry to call, but I need that stuff... -I'm sorry to call, but I need that stuff... Fine, I'm sure it's in the file at home. I'll call you when I find it, and then we'll talk. -Fine, I'm sure it's in the file at home. I'll call you when I find it, and then we'll talk. We'll talk some other time. -We'll talk some other time. Great... That's great. -So, how are you? Have you slept with him yet? -Have you slept with him yet? I told you I slept with him. -I told you I slept with him. No, not -- I mean have you, you know -- -No, not -- I mean have you, you know -- Is that why you wanted to see me? -Is that why you wanted to see me? I guess. -I guess. Oh, Rob. What do you want me to say? -Oh, Rob. What do you want me to say? I want you to say that you haven't, and I want it to be the truth. -"You kind of have to start with Elvis Costello, but where? ""Motel Matches?"" ""I Want You?"" ""I Hope You're Happy Now?"" ""Green Shirt?"" His records should be sealed in cases that say ""in case of vicious betrayal, smash glass."" ""Where Did You Sleep Last Night,"" sure, but by Robert Johnson or by Nirvana? Maybe a Liz Phair track. There are a couple to get angry at instead of being angry with. Some devil's advocate stuff. The Silver Jews could be good when you're ready to start putting it all behind you... But I think we're getting ahead of ourselves there. Ah. Dylan. Bob fucking Dylan. Now Bob Dylan would --The phone rings. He pulls off his headphones and picks it up but says nothing." You must have known it would happen. You couldn't have been entirely unprepared. Like you said, I've been living with the guy. We were bound to get around to it sometime. -And anyway, I keep trying to tell you, that's not really the point, is it? The point is we got ourselves into an awful mess, Rob... Are you there? What are you thinking? Nothing. -Nothing. We can meet for another drink if you want. So I can explain it better. I owe you that much. -We can meet for another drink if you want. So I can explain it better. I owe you that much. Look, I gotta go. I work too, you know. -Look, I gotta go. I work too, you know. Will you call me? -Will you call me? I don't have your number. -I don't have your number. Call me at work. We can arrange to meet properly. I don't want this to be the last conversation we have. I know what you're like. -Call me at work. We can arrange to meet properly. I don't want this to be the last conversation we have. I know what you're like. You do, huh. -Hello. It's me. -It's me. I figured it was. Where are you? -I figured it was. Where are you? "I think the big question here is where are you, if you don't mind my saying so, and I think I know where you are. You're running. On the run. You're running from a point that everyone hits in any relationship, and you're just going to hit it again with Ian but it's going to be with a World Music bunny- rabbit-looking earth-shoe-wearing ""Doctor Who""-watching twit who doesn't really understand you, not the way that I do and will more in the future, and you'll have just wasted more time and arrive in the exact same place that you're in now, only later. And with... him." -"I think the big question here is where are you, if you don't mind my saying so, and I think I know where you are. You're running. On the run. You're running from a point that everyone hits in any relationship, and you're just going to hit it again with Ian but it's going to be with a World Music bunny- rabbit-looking earth-shoe-wearing ""Doctor Who""-watching twit who doesn't really understand you, not the way that I do and will more in the future, and you'll have just wasted more time and arrive in the exact same place that you're in now, only later. And with... him." I'm not -- hold on... -Are you still in love with me? Jesus. I do not know. I'll talk to you later. -Jesus. I do not know. I'll talk to you later. Think about what I said. I mean, if you want to experiment, or whatever -- -Think about what I said. I mean, if you want to experiment, or whatever -- I'm not experimenting. Why don't you go experiment. -I'm not experimenting. Why don't you go experiment. I don't want to. Don't need to. I love you. -I don't want to. Don't need to. I love you. You don't ever think about other people? -You don't ever think about other people? No... not really... I mean, I think about it... but no, I don't really think about it. -I called and called but you were out. I thought I'd be gone before you got back. Is that the last of it? -Is that the last of it? Yep. I might have missed some stuff. I'm so used to some things being here that I don't even notice them. -Yep. I might have missed some stuff. I'm so used to some things being here that I don't even notice them. Those look heavy. Where's Ian? -Those look heavy. Where's Ian? He's at home. Listen, I can't believe he went to the store. I'm mortified, actually. I'm really sorry. He had no right to do that, and I told him so. -He's at home. Listen, I can't believe he went to the store. I'm mortified, actually. I'm really sorry. He had no right to do that, and I told him so. It was kind of funny. -I'm sure. You still together? Going all right? -You still together? Going all right? I don't really want to talk about it, to be honest. -I don't really want to talk about it, to be honest. That bad, eh? -That bad, eh? You know what I mean. -Fix it up. It'll make you feel better. I'll bet you can't remember what you were doing here, can you? I mean, how much are you making now? Sixty? Seventy? And you were living in this shitty place. -I'll bet you can't remember what you were doing here, can you? I mean, how much are you making now? Sixty? Seventy? And you were living in this shitty place. You know I didn't mind. And it's not as if Ray's place is any better. -You know I didn't mind. And it's not as if Ray's place is any better. I'm sorry, but can we get this straight? What is his fucking name, Ian or Ray? What do you call him? -I'm sorry, but can we get this straight? What is his fucking name, Ian or Ray? What do you call him? Ray. I hate Ian. -Ray. I hate Ian. "I hate him too. So I just call him ""Mavis."" Or ""Sissyboy."" Or ""Mavis the Sissyboy.""" -This is where you're supposed to say that you haven't laughed this much in ages, and then you see the error of your ways. You make me laugh much more than Ray does, if that's what you're getting at. But I already knew you could make me laugh. It's everything else I don't know about. -You make me laugh much more than Ray does, if that's what you're getting at. But I already knew you could make me laugh. It's everything else I don't know about. You know I'm a good person. -You know I'm a good person. Mmm hmm. -Mmm hmm. You know that I can cook my ass off when I feel like it. -You know that I can cook my ass off when I feel like it. Oh ho, so very infrequently. -Don't forget your CDs. Those aren't mine. -Those aren't mine. Sure they are. -Sure they are. They're not really, though, are they? I know you bought them for me, and that was really sweet of you, but that was when you were trying to turn me into you. I can't take them, I know they'd just sit around staring at me, and I'd feel embarrassed by them and... they don't fit in with the rest of what's mine, do you understand? That Sting record you bought for me... that was a present for me. I like Sting and you hate him. But the rest of this stuff... Who the hell is Nick Lowe? Or Gram Parsons? Or the Boredoms? I don't know these people. I... -They're not really, though, are they? I know you bought them for me, and that was really sweet of you, but that was when you were trying to turn me into you. I can't take them, I know they'd just sit around staring at me, and I'd feel embarrassed by them and... they don't fit in with the rest of what's mine, do you understand? That Sting record you bought for me... that was a present for me. I like Sting and you hate him. But the rest of this stuff... Who the hell is Nick Lowe? Or Gram Parsons? Or the Boredoms? I don't know these people. I... Okay, okay. I get the picture. -Okay, okay. I get the picture. I'm sorry to go on about it. But, I don't know, there's a lesson here somewhere, and I want to make sure you get it. -I'm sorry to go on about it. But, I don't know, there's a lesson here somewhere, and I want to make sure you get it. I got it. You like Sting but you don't like Gram Parsons, because you've never heard of him. -I got it. You like Sting but you don't like Gram Parsons, because you've never heard of him. You're being deliberately obtuse. -You're being deliberately obtuse. I guess I am. -I guess I am. Well, think about it. -Hello. Hey, how ya doin'? -Guess who I just saw, right by my store? Ian. In Starbuck's. Neat, huh? I can't talk right now. -I can't talk right now. God, that's a cold and a half. Maybe you should bet back in bed. -Are you alright? Pigsty. -Pigsty. Don't worry about it. Just get into bed. Worry about that when you're better. -Don't worry about it. Just get into bed. Worry about that when you're better. Pig died. -Pig died. Who the fuck's Pig? -Who the fuck's Pig? My dad died. My dad, my dad. -I'm sorry. No, no. When are you going home? -No, no. When are you going home? In a minute. When I get it together. -Me? My dad liked you. And Mom never told him we'd split, because he wasn't up to it and... oh, I don't know. I don't really understand it. I think she thinks he'll be able to see what's going on. It's like... He's been through so much, what with dying and everything, that she doesn't want to upset him any more than she has to. -My dad liked you. And Mom never told him we'd split, because he wasn't up to it and... oh, I don't know. I don't really understand it. I think she thinks he'll be able to see what's going on. It's like... He's been through so much, what with dying and everything, that she doesn't want to upset him any more than she has to. Do you want me to be there? -Do you want me to be there? I don't care. As long as you don't expect me to hold your hand. -Look, are you coming or not? Yes, of course. -Yes, of course. Liz'll give you a lift. She knows where to go and everything... I don't have time to talk, Rob. I've got too much to do. -Liz'll give you a lift. She knows where to go and everything... I don't have time to talk, Rob. I've got too much to do. Sure. I'll see you on Friday. -Are you going to lie in that flower bed all night? Uh... No. -You're soaking. Mmnn. -Mmnn. You're also an idiot. -I can see why you say that. Look, I'm sorry. I really am. The last thing I wanted was... that's why I left, because... I lost it, and I didn't want to blow my top in there, and... look, the reason I fucked everything up was because I was scared. I just wanted you to know, that's all. Thank you. I appreciate it. I can't reciprocate. -Thank you. I appreciate it. I can't reciprocate. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I didn't mess things up because I was scared. I slept with Ray because I was sick of you. And I needed something to snap me out of it. -I didn't mess things up because I was scared. I slept with Ray because I was sick of you. And I needed something to snap me out of it. Sure, I understand. Look, I don't want to take up any more of your time. You get back, and I'll wait here for a bus. -Sure, I understand. Look, I don't want to take up any more of your time. You get back, and I'll wait here for a bus. I don't want to go back. -I don't want to go back. What do you want to do? -What do you want to do? C'mon. -When are you going back? I don't know. Sometime. Later. Listen, Rob, would you have sex with me? -I don't know. Sometime. Later. Listen, Rob, would you have sex with me? What? -What? I want to feel something else than this. It's either that or I go home and put my hand in the fire. Unless you want to stub cigarettes out on my arm. -I want to feel something else than this. It's either that or I go home and put my hand in the fire. Unless you want to stub cigarettes out on my arm. I've only got a couple left. I'm saving them for later. -I've only got a couple left. I'm saving them for later. It'll have to be sex, then. -Hello. It doesn't seem so long ago that I looked at you from here. Hi. -Hi. I knew there was a reason I wore a skirt today. -You know, with Ray... Oh, Rob, we're not going to go through that again. -Oh, Rob, we're not going to go through that again. No, no. It's not... are you still on the pill? -No, no. It's not... are you still on the pill? Yes, of course. There's nothing to worry about. -Yes, of course. There's nothing to worry about. I didn't mean that. I mean... was that all you used? -Look, we can do other things. I lived with you. You were my partner just a few weeks ago and now you're worried I might kill you, and you're entitled to worry. Isn't that a terrible thing? Isn't that sad? -Laura... I'm too tired not to go out with you. -So if you had a bit more energy we'd stay split. But things being how they are, what with you wiped out, you'd like us to get back together. Everything's too hard. Maybe another time I would have the guts to be on my own, but not now I don't. -Everything's too hard. Maybe another time I would have the guts to be on my own, but not now I don't. What about Ian? -What about Ian? Ray's a disaster. I don't know what that was all about, except that sometimes you need someone to lob into the middle of a bad relationship like a hand grenade, I guess, and blow it all apart. -Ray's a disaster. I don't know what that was all about, except that sometimes you need someone to lob into the middle of a bad relationship like a hand grenade, I guess, and blow it all apart. Mission accomplished. -Mission accomplished. I know it's not very romantic, but there will be romance again at some stage, I'm sure. I just... I need you, Rob. That's it. And we know each other and we care for each other, and you've made it clear that you want me back, so... -Let's go home. Okay? Okay. -C'mon. I want to know. Want to know what, exactly? -Want to know what, exactly? What it was like. -What it was like. It was like sex. What else could it be like? -It was like sex. What else could it be like? Was it like good sex or was it like bad sex? -Was it like good sex or was it like bad sex? What's the difference? -What's the difference? You know the difference. -You know the difference. Look, we're okay now. We just had a nice time. Let's leave it at that. -Look, we're okay now. We just had a nice time. Let's leave it at that. Okay, that's cool, okay. But the nice time we just had... was it nicer, as nice, or less nice than the nice times you were having a couple of weeks ago? -Oh, c'mon, Laura. Just say something. Lie, if you want. It'd stop me asking you questions and it'd make me feel better. Well I was gonna lie and now I can't, because you'd know I was lying. -Well I was gonna lie and now I can't, because you'd know I was lying. Well why the fuck would you want to lie, anyway? -Well why the fuck would you want to lie, anyway? To make you feel better. -To make you feel better. Oh, great... -Look, Rob. If great sex was as important as you think it is, and if I was having great sex with him, then we wouldn't be lying here now. And that is my last word on the subject, okay? Okay. -... Like Mexico. Or Jamaica. Or New York, even. Hey, great idea. What I'll do is, tomorrow I'll get a hold of a box full of mint Elvis Presley 78s on the Sub label, and I'll pay for it that way. -Hey, great idea. What I'll do is, tomorrow I'll get a hold of a box full of mint Elvis Presley 78s on the Sub label, and I'll pay for it that way. I'll pay for you. Even though you owe me money. We have to do something with the money I earn. I need to. I deserve it. You can just think of it as winning the lottery. -I'll pay for you. Even though you owe me money. We have to do something with the money I earn. I need to. I deserve it. You can just think of it as winning the lottery. Fantastic. The Girlfriend Lottery. -Fantastic. The Girlfriend Lottery. Money does not matter. I do not care how much you earn. I'd just like you to be a little happier in your work, but beyond that you can do what you like. -Money does not matter. I do not care how much you earn. I'd just like you to be a little happier in your work, but beyond that you can do what you like. But it wasn't supposed to be like this. When I met you we were the same people and now we're not, and... -But it wasn't supposed to be like this. When I met you we were the same people and now we're not, and... How? How were we the same people? -How? How were we the same people? Well, you were the kind of person who came to the Artful Dodger and I was the kind of person who deejayed at the Artful Dodger. You wore jeans and T-shirts, and so did I. And I still do, and you don't. -Well, you were the kind of person who came to the Artful Dodger and I was the kind of person who deejayed at the Artful Dodger. You wore jeans and T-shirts, and so did I. And I still do, and you don't. Because I'm not allowed to. I still do, after work. So, what? Should we just break up? Is that what you're saying? Because if you are, I'm going to run out of patience. -Because I'm not allowed to. I still do, after work. So, what? Should we just break up? Is that what you're saying? Because if you are, I'm going to run out of patience. No, but... -No, but... But what? -But what? But why doesn't it matter that we're not the same people we used to be? -But why doesn't it matter that we're not the same people we used to be? You haven't changed so much as a pair of socks in the years I've known you. If we've grown apart, then I'm the one who's done the growing, and all I've done is change jobs. -You haven't changed so much as a pair of socks in the years I've known you. If we've grown apart, then I'm the one who's done the growing, and all I've done is change jobs. And hairstyles and clothes and attitude and friends and... -And hairstyles and clothes and attitude and friends and... I can't go to work with my hair dyed pink. And I can afford to go shopping more now, and I've met a couple people I like over the last year or so. -I can't go to work with my hair dyed pink. And I can afford to go shopping more now, and I've met a couple people I like over the last year or so. You're tougher. -You're tougher. More confident, maybe. -More confident, maybe. Harder. -Harder. Less neurotic. Are you intending to stay the same for the rest of your life? -Less neurotic. Are you intending to stay the same for the rest of your life? I'm alright. -I'm alright. Yeah, you're alright. But you're certainly not happy. So what happens if you get happy? And yes I know that's the title of an Elvis Costello album, I use the reference deliberately to catch your attention. Should we split up because I'm used to you being miserable? What happens if you, I don't know, start you're own record label, and it's a success? Time for a new girlfriend? -Yeah, you're alright. But you're certainly not happy. So what happens if you get happy? And yes I know that's the title of an Elvis Costello album, I use the reference deliberately to catch your attention. Should we split up because I'm used to you being miserable? What happens if you, I don't know, start you're own record label, and it's a success? Time for a new girlfriend? You're being stupid. -You're being stupid. How? What would be the difference between you having a record label and me going from legal aid to private practice? -All I'm saying is, you have to allow for things to happen to people, most of all to yourself. Otherwise, what's the use? No use. -Hi. Hi. What are you doing? -Hi. What are you doing? Nothing. -Nothing. Wanna go to dinner? -Wanna go to dinner? Where? -Where? At Paul and Miranda's. Paul from work. -At Paul and Miranda's. Paul from work. Oh. Well. We don't really get along. Paul and I. -Oh. Well. We don't really get along. Paul and I. I know. But you've never met. It just seems like a stone unturned in your relationship with him. -I know. But you've never met. It just seems like a stone unturned in your relationship with him. Ha. -You did that deliberately. You knew all along I'd like them. It was a trick. I tricked you into meeting some people you'd think were great. I thought it would be fun to introduce you to someone with a Tina Turner album and then see whether you still felt the same way. -I called Dan Koretzky because he -- Has Drag City Records, I know, I know. You told Dan Koretzky about this? -Has Drag City Records, I know, I know. You told Dan Koretzky about this? "Yeah, and he said it's a good way to break out a record. Especially for what he said, and I quote, ""would be a highly anticipated event, locally."" He helped me put out a press release." -"Yeah, and he said it's a good way to break out a record. Especially for what he said, and I quote, ""would be a highly anticipated event, locally."" He helped me put out a press release." WHAT? -WHAT? Just local, of course. -Just local, of course. "And the ""triumphant return of DJ Rob Gordon?"" ""Triumphant?"" ""Return?""" -"And the ""triumphant return of DJ Rob Gordon?"" ""Triumphant?"" ""Return?""" I had that idea when I was living with Ian and it was such a good idea that I was annoyed we weren't together anymore. It might even be why I came back. -I had that idea when I was living with Ian and it was such a good idea that I was annoyed we weren't together anymore. It might even be why I came back. You had no right. Supposing I was doing something that couldn't be cancelled? -You had no right. Supposing I was doing something that couldn't be cancelled? What do you ever do that can't be cancelled? -What do you ever do that can't be cancelled? That's not the point. I mean, what if the single isn't done in time? -That's not the point. I mean, what if the single isn't done in time? Barry said its done. -Barry said its done. Barry? Barry knows about this? -Barry? Barry knows about this? Yeah. His band is playing a set. -They'll go on early. Nobody will even be there yet and I told them they can't play for more than a half hour. It's no joke. I'm responsible for what happens, you know. Embarrassment aside, there's a lot of money and effort in this, at least by my standards. I have to put down a deposit for the room. I have to pay the pressing plant for the records, sleeve them, sticker them -- -It's no joke. I'm responsible for what happens, you know. Embarrassment aside, there's a lot of money and effort in this, at least by my standards. I have to put down a deposit for the room. I have to pay the pressing plant for the records, sleeve them, sticker them -- We took care of that. -I'm sorry I've been acting like a jerk. I do appreciate what you've done for me, and I know you've done it for the best possible reasons, and I do love you, even though I act like I don't. That's okay. You seem pissed off all the time, though. -That's okay. You seem pissed off all the time, though. I know. I don't get it. -Are you worried about tomorrow night? Not really. -Are you going to talk to me, or shall I get my paper out? I'm going to talk to you. -I'm going to talk to you. Right. -What are you going to talk to me about? I'm going to talk to you about whether you want to get married or not. To me. -I'm going to talk to you about whether you want to get married or not. To me. Ha ha ha. Hoo hoo hoo. -Ha ha ha. Hoo hoo hoo. I mean it. -I mean it. I know. -I know. Oh, well thanks a fucking bunch. -Oh, well thanks a fucking bunch. I'm sorry. But two days ago you were in love with that girl who interviewed you for The Reader, weren't you? -I'm sorry. But two days ago you were in love with that girl who interviewed you for The Reader, weren't you? Not in love, exactly, but... -Not in love, exactly, but... Well forgive me if I don't think of you as the world's safest bet. -Well forgive me if I don't think of you as the world's safest bet. Would you marry me if I was? -Would you marry me if I was? No. Probably not. -No. Probably not. Right. Okay, then. Shall we go? -Right. Okay, then. Shall we go? Don't sulk. What brought all this on? -Don't sulk. What brought all this on? I don't know. -I don't know. Very persuasive. -Very persuasive. Are you persuadable? -Are you persuadable? No. I don't think so. I'm just curious about how one goes from making tapes for one person to marriage proposals to another in two days. Fair enough? -No. I don't think so. I'm just curious about how one goes from making tapes for one person to marriage proposals to another in two days. Fair enough? Fair enough. -Fair enough. So? -So? I'm just sick of thinking about it all the time. -I'm just sick of thinking about it all the time. About what? -About what? This stuff. Love and marriage. I want to think about something else. -This stuff. Love and marriage. I want to think about something else. I've changed my mind. That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. I do. I will. -I've changed my mind. That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. I do. I will. Shut up. I'm only trying to explain. -Shut up. I'm only trying to explain. I mean, maybe you're right. But were you really expecting me to say yes? -I mean, maybe you're right. But were you really expecting me to say yes? I dunno. Didn't think about it, really. It was the asking that was the important thing. -I dunno. Didn't think about it, really. It was the asking that was the important thing. Well, you've asked. -I'm an idiot. I should have played the record first. This place is about to get burned down. It's gonna be fine. These people are ready for anything. -Rob here. Hey. It's Liz. -Hey. It's Liz. What's happenin'. -What's happenin'. You called this morning? -You called this morning? Yeah. I just wanted to thank you for that message last night. It made me feel like... like less of an asshole. -Yeah. I just wanted to thank you for that message last night. It made me feel like... like less of an asshole. How're you holding up? -How're you holding up? "Actually, I'm fine. I'm great. Last night I got to thinking, ""you know what? Maybe it is time to move on. Maybe we're just not right for each other. Or maybe we are. But time will tell and at this point I'm going to be fine with whatever's meant to be."" You know?" -"Actually, I'm fine. I'm great. Last night I got to thinking, ""you know what? Maybe it is time to move on. Maybe we're just not right for each other. Or maybe we are. But time will tell and at this point I'm going to be fine with whatever's meant to be."" You know?" Yeah. Like I said, I don't want to take sides. And I like Laura with you. She's more fun, more open. You guys are good together. I just wish you two could, I don't know. I don't think much of this Ian guy -- -What's the -- hey, Liz -- -- No, no, no, don't even. I talked to Laura, Rob. I talked to her and she gave me a little background. And you're a fucking ASSHOLE. -To think I sympathized with you for two seconds! Poor Rob! Laura left him out of nowhere for the schmuck upstairs. You let me believe that! It's true! -It's true! "Rob! Two years ago you got Laura pregnant; you then proceeded to cheat on her! You borrowed money from her and never paid a dime back! And then, just a few weeks ago, you told her you were unhappy with her and were ""kind of looking around for somebody else!""" -"Rob! Two years ago you got Laura pregnant; you then proceeded to cheat on her! You borrowed money from her and never paid a dime back! And then, just a few weeks ago, you told her you were unhappy with her and were ""kind of looking around for somebody else!""" Well she -- -So the minister says nice things, and then, what, we all troop outside and they bury him? It's a crematorium. -It's a crematorium. You're kidding. A crematorium? Jesus. -You're kidding. A crematorium? Jesus. What difference does it make? -What difference does it make? Is Ray going? -Is Ray going? No. They don't know him. And Ken liked you. Rob, Ken didn't die for your benefit, you know. It's like everybody's a supporting actor in the film of your life story. -No. They don't know him. And Ken liked you. Rob, Ken didn't die for your benefit, you know. It's like everybody's a supporting actor in the film of your life story. Isn't that how it is for everybody? -Enough, Liz. Enough of what? -Enough of what? I know I can't speak now because Laura's father died, and I just have to take it because otherwise I'm a bad guy, with the emphasis on guy, self-centered. Well, I'm fucking not, not all the time, anyway, I'm really sorry Jo. But you know, Liz... I can either stick up for myself or believe everything you say about me and end up hating myself. And maybe you think I should, but it's not much of a life, you know? -I know I can't speak now because Laura's father died, and I just have to take it because otherwise I'm a bad guy, with the emphasis on guy, self-centered. Well, I'm fucking not, not all the time, anyway, I'm really sorry Jo. But you know, Liz... I can either stick up for myself or believe everything you say about me and end up hating myself. And maybe you think I should, but it's not much of a life, you know? Maybe I've been a little unfair. But is this really the time? -Maybe I've been a little unfair. But is this really the time? Only because it's never the time. I can't go on apologizing my whole life, you know? -Only because it's never the time. I can't go on apologizing my whole life, you know? "If by ""we"" you are referring to men, then I have to say that just the once would do." -Good. 'Cause I'm enjoying myself. Good. -So you live in Chicago now? Yup. Not far from here, actually. -Don't you like that? No, no, I love, it's just, thinking you're, you must be so sick of it... Well. -Hi, Marie. Everything go alright? -She just wanted to pick up some stuff. No big thing. A relief, actually. "God, I hate that time. That pick up stuff time. I just went through that before I came here. You know that song ""Patsy Cline Times Two"" I play? That's about me and my ex dividing up our record collections." -"God, I hate that time. That pick up stuff time. I just went through that before I came here. You know that song ""Patsy Cline Times Two"" I play? That's about me and my ex dividing up our record collections." It's a great song. -It's a great song. Thank you. -Is that why you came to Chicago in the first place? Because of, you know, dividing up your record collection and stuff? Yup. -You share a place with T-Bone? No way! I'd cramp his style. And I wouldn't want to listen to all that stuff happening on the other side of the bedroom wall. I'm way to unattached for that. -No way! I'd cramp his style. And I wouldn't want to listen to all that stuff happening on the other side of the bedroom wall. I'm way to unattached for that. I understand completely. -Awhile back, Dick and Barry and I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Yeah, but if you heard this band called the Crumblers, you'd -- -Yeah, but if you heard this band called the Crumblers, you'd -- What do you mean, the Crumblers? You know the Crumblers? Nobody's heard the Crumblers. Except me. -What do you mean, the Crumblers? You know the Crumblers? Nobody's heard the Crumblers. Except me. Yeah, I know the Crumblers! I bought a used Blasters album in New York about ten years ago and somebody left a Crumblers single in it. My everything changed for a couple of weeks. -Books, records, films -- these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the damn truth, and by this measure I was having one of the best dates of my life. Yeah, but you know what's his best film and nobody's even seen it? -Yeah, but you know what's his best film and nobody's even seen it? The Conformist. -The Conformist. Exactly! Fucking ex-actly! -Exactly! Fucking ex-actly! You haven't even seen it! -You haven't even seen it! Nor have you! -Are you okay? Yes. You? -Yes. You? For now. But I wouldn't be if I thought this was the end of the evening. -For now. But I wouldn't be if I thought this was the end of the evening. I'm sure it isn't. -I'm sure it isn't. Good. In that case, I'll fix us something else to drink. You sticking to the whiskey or you want coffee? -Good. In that case, I'll fix us something else to drink. You sticking to the whiskey or you want coffee? Whiskey. -Tops off two whiskeys and starts into the other room where she sees Rob, standing and holding his jacket. I'd better go. I gotta get up early. Go over to my parents'. -I'd better go. I gotta get up early. Go over to my parents'. When I said before that I hoped it wasn't the end of the evening, I was, you know... talking about breakfast and stuff. -I'd like it if you could stay the night. Oh, right. Alright. -Oh, right. Alright. Jesus, so much for delicacy. I pegged you for a master of understatement, beating around the bush and all that buzz. -Jesus, so much for delicacy. I pegged you for a master of understatement, beating around the bush and all that buzz. I use it but I don't understand it when other people use it. -I use it but I don't understand it when other people use it. So you'll stay? -So you'll stay? Yeah. -Yeah. Good. -Would you like me to turn the lights out? Or would you like them on? God, you ask a lot of questions. -Which way are you going? That way. You? -That way. You? That way. -That way. And so it is. I'll talk to you later. -And so it is. I'll talk to you later. I'll call you. -I'll call you. Right. -Yeah? Hi, Rob. It's your mother. -Hi, Mom. Everything all right? -Everything all right? Great. Super-fantastic. -Great. Super-fantastic. How's the store? -How's the store? So so. Up and down. -So so. Up and down. Your lucky Laura's doing so well. If it wasn't for her, I don't think either of us would ever sleep... -She left. She's gone. What do you mean? Where did she go? -What do you mean? Where did she go? How would I know? Gone. Girlfriend. Leave. Not say where gone. Laura move out. -How would I know? Gone. Girlfriend. Leave. Not say where gone. Laura move out. Well call her mother. -Well call her mother. She just called. She doesn't even know. It's probably the last time I'll ever hear her voice. That's weird, isn't it? You spend Christmas at somebody's house, you know, and you worry about their operations and you see them in their bathrobe, and... I dunno... -Hello? Anybody there? I'm all right, if that's what's upsetting you. -I'm all right, if that's what's upsetting you. You know that's not what's upsetting me. -You know that's not what's upsetting me. Well it fucking should be, shouldn't it? -Well it fucking should be, shouldn't it? I knew this would happen. What are you going to do Rob? -I knew this would happen. What are you going to do Rob? I'm going to drink this bottle of wine watch TV and go to bed. Then tomorrow I'll get up and go to work. -I'm going to drink this bottle of wine watch TV and go to bed. Then tomorrow I'll get up and go to work. And after that? -And after that? Meet a nice girl and have children. I promise the next time we talk I'll have it all sorted out. -Meet a nice girl and have children. I promise the next time we talk I'll have it all sorted out. I knew this was going to happen. -I knew this was going to happen. Then what are you getting so upset about? -Then what are you getting so upset about? What did Laura say? Do you know why she left? -What did Laura say? Do you know why she left? It's got nothing to do with marriage, if that's what you're getting at. -It's got nothing to do with marriage, if that's what you're getting at. So you say. I'd like to hear her side of it. -So you say. I'd like to hear her side of it. Mom! For the last fucking time, I'm telling you Laura didn't want to get married! She is not that kind of girl! To use a phrase. That's not what happens now. -Mom! For the last fucking time, I'm telling you Laura didn't want to get married! She is not that kind of girl! To use a phrase. That's not what happens now. Well I don't know what happens now, apart from you meet someone, you move in, she goes. You meet someone, you move in, she goes. -What do you think? It's the best collection I've ever seen. -It's the best collection I've ever seen. Give me fifty bucks and they're all yours. -These are worth at least, I don't know -- I know what they're worth. Give me fifty and get them out. -I know what they're worth. Give me fifty and get them out. But you must have -- -But you must have -- I must have nothing. Their my husband's. -I must have nothing. Their my husband's. And you must not be getting along too well right now, huh? -And you must not be getting along too well right now, huh? He's in Jamaica with a twenty-three- year-old. A friend of my daughter's. He had the fucking nerve to call me and ask me to borrow some money and I told him to fuck off, so he asked me to sell his singles collection and send him a check for whatever I go, minus a ten percent commission. Which reminds me. Can you make sure you give me a five? I want to frame it and put it on the wall. -He's in Jamaica with a twenty-three- year-old. A friend of my daughter's. He had the fucking nerve to call me and ask me to borrow some money and I told him to fuck off, so he asked me to sell his singles collection and send him a check for whatever I go, minus a ten percent commission. Which reminds me. Can you make sure you give me a five? I want to frame it and put it on the wall. It must have taken him a long time to get them together. -It must have taken him a long time to get them together. Years. This collection is as close as he's ever come to an achievement. -Look. Can I pay you properly? You don't have to tell him what you got. Send him forty-five bucks and blow the rest. Give it to charity. Or something. That wasn't part of the deal. I want to be poisonous but fair. -That wasn't part of the deal. I want to be poisonous but fair. Look... I... I'm sorry. I don't want to be any part of this. -Look... I... I'm sorry. I don't want to be any part of this. Suit yourself. There are plenty of others who will. -Suit yourself. There are plenty of others who will. That's why I'm trying to compromise. What about fifteen-hundred? They're worth five times that. -That's why I'm trying to compromise. What about fifteen-hundred? They're worth five times that. Sixty. -Sixty. Thirteen hundred. -Thirteen hundred. Seventy-five. -Seventy-five. Eleven-hundred. That's my lowest offer. -Eleven-hundred. That's my lowest offer. And I won't take a penny over ninety. -With eleven hundred he could come home, and that's the last thing I want. I'm sorry but I think you better talk to someone else. -I'm sorry but I think you better talk to someone else. Fine. -Can I buy this Otis Redding single off you? Sure. Ten cents. -Sure. Ten cents. Oh, come on! Let me give you ten dollars for this, and you can give the rest away for all I care. -Oh, come on! Let me give you ten dollars for this, and you can give the rest away for all I care. Okay. Because you took the trouble to come up here. And because you've got principles. But that's it. I'm not selling them to you one by one. -Eno import. Sigue Sigue Sputnik. Break beats. Serge Gainsbourg. Ryuchi Sakamoto, Syd Barrett... What's going on here? Are you guys stealing for other people now? Naw. Those are for us. -Naw. Those are for us. Oh really. You two are slamming to Nico now? -I think you have more. Well we don't. -Well we don't. I can't frisk you but the cops can. -Jesus. That thing's been in the bargain bin for six months! Was it just your criminal nature or what? Hell, I would've given it to you for free. No, we... -"Uh, yes I, like, do... It's simple. You make the tracks -- recording studio -- deliver them to the pressing plant where a master is cut, the master is then dubbed to submasters, which are the ""mothers,"" as their called, for each press in the plant. You press the CD's or records, put in your cover art, and that's it." Records are those big round black things, right? -Records are those big round black things, right? Fuck off. -It's rough. But it shows promise. We record a couple of songs right, in a studio. I'll take care of the rest. I'll put out your record. Any profits after recouping expenses get split down the middle, between us and you guys. Wait a minute. Island Records charged U2 a million five against their overhead for one plane ride. -Wait a minute. Island Records charged U2 a million five against their overhead for one plane ride. We're not there yet, Justin. -We're not there yet, Justin. I'm Vince. -I'm Vince. Whatever. -We saw this ad in the personals for two swingers lookin' for a Renaissance fair. Nice. -Nice. What's the name of your label? -I can't figure out why he's doing it. He's been Richard Taupin at least since 1967. And the guys rich. You should see the stuff he has in that shop. Maybe he's hiding from something. -Maybe he's hiding from something. Some guy named Smith was asking about him in Church Hill. I passed his name around with your buddies downtown but they drew a blank. So he isn't a cop. District anyway. -Probably just some exec ducking an ex-wife. Dr. Kidell had a picture in his file of the funeral. The father looked just like Richard. Even had a mark on his cheek. -Dr. Kidell had a picture in his file of the funeral. The father looked just like Richard. Even had a mark on his cheek. How old is Richard? -How old is Richard? P.D. says 41, but he barely looks 30. -P.D. says 41, but he barely looks 30. Find the father. That should clear things up. -Taupin, isn't that the guy Moran picked up the other night? Yeah. -Yeah. He'd want to know about all this. -He'd want to know about all this. Mr. Congeniality? Let him find his own clues. There's a journal article in this somewhere. -Mr. Congeniality? Let him find his own clues. There's a journal article in this somewhere. Uncle Joey's little girl. Can't get the taste out of her mouth. -Well, the cream of society awaits. If you're ever in the neighborhood... Sure. -I warned you. Go to hell. -Doesn't have a head, does he? This one came unassembled. -How's your uncle? I hardly ever see him anymore. Fine. -"Didn't look like it came from ""Toys-Are-Us"", that's why I called you." Didn't think it was my buddy over there. -Didn't think it was my buddy over there. Figured you knew more about swords than I did. -Figured you knew more about swords than I did. Claymore. -Claymore. Huh? -Huh? Scottish claymore. Take a French epee, add twenty pounds of ballast so it means business, and you've got a claymore. -Scottish claymore. Take a French epee, add twenty pounds of ballast so it means business, and you've got a claymore. You're the expert. -You're the expert. It's in good condition. -That stuff'll put you away if you're not careful. There was a Count. Count Dusan. He would invite the local peasants to his chateau, fill them full of wine, then slice their bellies so he could reuse it. The symmetry of that somehow always appealed to me. -There was a Count. Count Dusan. He would invite the local peasants to his chateau, fill them full of wine, then slice their bellies so he could reuse it. The symmetry of that somehow always appealed to me. You're very macabre. -You're very macabre. It's my birthday. -It's my birthday. Happy birthday. -Happy birthday. Thanks. -Would you like more tea? No thank you, I'm fine. -He was unsual. Why? -Why? Well, this is a small town, and it was even smaller then. Most all the babies I delivered were from local families. Richard's parents were just passing through when his mother's time came. I did it right here at the house. -Well, this is a small town, and it was even smaller then. Most all the babies I delivered were from local families. Richard's parents were just passing through when his mother's time came. I did it right here at the house. Then you didn't know Richard later on. -Then you didn't know Richard later on. No. -No. I've been trying to find somebody who knew him and any connections his family might have had with museums or historical societies. -I've been trying to find somebody who knew him and any connections his family might have had with museums or historical societies. Don't know about any of that. Suppose nobody does. -Don't know about any of that. Suppose nobody does. I don't follow you. -I don't follow you. Poor little tyke didn't have a chance. Hopelessly premature. He died a few days after he was born. -Poor little tyke didn't have a chance. Hopelessly premature. He died a few days after he was born. The boy _died_? -The boy _died_? Mother too. Sad case it was. The young lady just couldn't make it through labor. Never even saw her son. -Have you spoken to anyone else about this? There was this one fella. Asked a lot of questions. I was out of town but I heard he spent near a full day in the records office. -There was this one fella. Asked a lot of questions. I was out of town but I heard he spent near a full day in the records office. Would you remember his name? -Would you remember his name? Carl Smith. -This is against the rules. So's playing choo-choo with two high school cheerleaders in the middle of- -So's playing choo-choo with two high school cheerleaders in the middle of- -Okay okay. --Okay okay. You owe me. Besides, I'm cute. -Taupin, Richard Marshall. Born March 16, 1945 in Church Hill, Maryland. Received first driver permit 1967 in Philadelphia. Church Hill, that's pretty close, isn't it? -Church Hill, that's pretty close, isn't it? Anything in Maryland is close. -Do you play? Yes. -Yes. Very traditional. -Miss Cartwright, what is it I can do for you? I'd like to ask you about the claymore. -I'd like to ask you about the claymore. It's not mine. -It's not mine. It's quite rare you know, some- thing so common in its time so well looked after all these years. -It's quite rare you know, some- thing so common in its time so well looked after all these years. Miss Cartwright, unless you have come here to sell the sword, there's very little I can help you with. Now if you will excuse me, I have a great deal of work to do. -Byzantine? Basil the II. -Basil the II. Charming guy, Basil. Once after beating an army of Serbians he blinded all but- -Charming guy, Basil. Once after beating an army of Serbians he blinded all but- -All but one out of a hundred, I know. All left to be led like donkeys back home. Now if you will please- -Good reflexes. Good day, Miss Cartwright. -Someone beat you. Have you taken to touring small town cemetaries, Miss Cartwright? -Have you taken to touring small town cemetaries, Miss Cartwright? Grave robbers? -Grave robbers? Probably. -Probably. Who? -Who? People like that rarely leave business cards. -People like that rarely leave business cards. Does Carl Smith? -I don't know what you're talking about. I think you do. Better yet, I don't think anything was stolen because nothing was there in the first place. And I think Mr. Smith, whoever he is, now knows that. -I think you do. Better yet, I don't think anything was stolen because nothing was there in the first place. And I think Mr. Smith, whoever he is, now knows that. You have an active imagination. -You have an active imagination. I've been to Church Hill. -I've been to Church Hill. Miss Cartwright, you are involving yourself in matters that do not concern you. I strongly suggest you return to Washington and stay out of small town cemetaries. -I have friends. I doubt that. Good day, Miss Cartwright. -Jesus Christ. You'll be safe here. He won't kill in a church. -You'll be safe here. He won't kill in a church. Why not? -Why not? Tradition. -Tradition. What the hell is going on? -He tried to kill me last night. Where? -Where? Dupont Circle. -Who is he? At the moment? Carl Smith. -At the moment? Carl Smith. And you? -What will you do now? You needn't worry Miss Cartwright. I've been at this a very long time. -You needn't worry Miss Cartwright. I've been at this a very long time. "He called you ""MacLeod""." -"He called you ""MacLeod""." Not your concern. -Not your concern. I left a man dead in Felton. But you don't really care, do you? -I left a man dead in Felton. But you don't really care, do you? That bothers you? -That bothers you? He was innocent. -He was innocent. He's dead. Whatever I may or may not feel means exceedingly little to him now. -He's dead. Whatever I may or may not feel means exceedingly little to him now. What about me? -What about me? You? -You? I'm a witness to a murder. That seems to put me pretty high on your friend's chop list. -I'm a witness to a murder. That seems to put me pretty high on your friend's chop list. Have you gone to the police? -Have you gone to the police? No. -No. Why not? I'm sure they'd love to hear your story. -Why not? I'm sure they'd love to hear your story. I'd rather hear yours. -I'd rather hear yours. You are being foolish. -You are being foolish. I'm a historian, Mr. Taupin. Only once in a lifetime do you stare history in the face. -I'm a historian, Mr. Taupin. Only once in a lifetime do you stare history in the face. Go home. -He sees me as a threat. Are you? -No. No one knows you're here? -No one knows you're here? No. I had to talk to you. -No. I had to talk to you. You had to do _nothing_! -You had to do _nothing_! You're wrong. -You're wrong. You're a fool. -You're a fool. Maybe. -Is this what you killed them with? You've been listening to rumors. -You've been listening to rumors. Our cars were seen together in Felton. They're calling me an accessory to murder. -Our cars were seen together in Felton. They're calling me an accessory to murder. You are. Now. -What's all that? Richard Taupin has become cumbersome. It would be best if he just disappeared. -You did kill those men. Not all of them. -Not all of them. When you finish, what then? -When you finish, what then? I go my way and you can write all you want about the big bad Mr. Taupin. -I go my way and you can write all you want about the big bad Mr. Taupin. You make it all sound so simple. -You make it all sound so simple. The only real difficulty comes in changing over the ownership of property I've aquired. That requires certain records and most importantly a personal appearance at the county seat in Gettysburg. But that's where you come in. -The only real difficulty comes in changing over the ownership of property I've aquired. That requires certain records and most importantly a personal appearance at the county seat in Gettysburg. But that's where you come in. You want me to front for you. -You want me to front for you. The less exposure I recieve around government buildings the better. You, as Mrs. Taupin, will attract considerably less attention than I. -There was a man once. Just a simple woodcarver. But he understood. More than anyone he could see to the heart of it. It never ends. Today is the same as the first. Tomorrow will be the same as today. So much time. And all of it wasted. You love history? Yes. -Yes. I wish I could. -The estate stuff is pretty straight forward. Just lots of forms and an appearance at the county seat. It will take some time for the forms to clear before you go to Gettysburg. -No. So what now? We just wait? Yes. -Yes. Well, as long as we're stuck here. -It's some sort of party the town is throwing. They do it each year. -They do it each year. I thought it might be a nice break from all of this. -Maybe it would do us both good. There's a catch. You're supposed to wear 19th century clothing. -Here, try this. I suppose they're still making women the same as back then. It's beautiful. -It's beautiful. A little dusty. -I don't know any of these. I'll make a fool of myself. Follow me. -William Taupin seems to have left his mark. Yes. -Yes. And you are William Taupin, aren't you? -And you are William Taupin, aren't you? Yes. -You're using your son's name. No. Just the child of some lonely girl I gave a ride to. When they died I put them in a grave with my name on it. Twenty years later I became the son. -Then you must be at least 70 years old. At least. -At least. That's impossible. -It's frightening sometimes the way you talk about other people's lives. A factor of age. -A factor of age. I hope I never get that old. -I hope I never get that old. You won't. -I must be insane. Leaving work, ditching cops. All to follow a murderer. A very old murderer, but a murderer just the same. Why are you here? -Why are you here? I've been telling myself it's the award winning journal article I'm going to write. But it's not. It's you. -I've been telling myself it's the award winning journal article I'm going to write. But it's not. It's you. I see. -I see. I'm not even sure why. -I'm not even sure why. Hardly a reason to run off with a murderer. -Hardly a reason to run off with a murderer. My life has been chock full of people with complications and weak- nesses. I can't stand it. But you're different. It's in your hands. A clarity. -My life has been chock full of people with complications and weak- nesses. I can't stand it. But you're different. It's in your hands. A clarity. You are a very perceptive young woman. -You are a very perceptive young woman. Just a little crazy. -Who are you? That would be difficult to explain. -That would be difficult to explain. I'd like you to try. -I carried that rifle in World War I. This book is a 16th Century policy report for the King of Austria. The diploma is my con- ference of degree in Latin from Trinity College. Class of 1672. It goes on. That's why Smith called you MacLeod. -That's why Smith called you MacLeod. Yes. -Yes. He knows about you. -He knows about you. He is older than I. -He is older than I. What could possibly be worth all this murder and distruction. -What could possibly be worth all this murder and distruction. Sometimes I think it's just for something to do. A conquest to be the last. Something to hold onto while everything else around you withers and blows away. Some- thing to replace the love that can never work. -Sometimes I think it's just for something to do. A conquest to be the last. Something to hold onto while everything else around you withers and blows away. Some- thing to replace the love that can never work. That's insane. -That's insane. Perhaps. There is something more. An inheritance. -Perhaps. There is something more. An inheritance. Of bodies. -Of bodies. I didn't kill the watchman. -I didn't kill the watchman. You killed those other two. -You killed those other two. Not the same. -Not the same. What about that family in '31? -What about that family in '31? Sometimes innocents become involved. -Sometimes innocents become involved. You and your buddy make a real team, don't you? Exchanging eloquent threats in iambic pen- tameter while hacking up all the innocents in between. -You and your buddy make a real team, don't you? Exchanging eloquent threats in iambic pen- tameter while hacking up all the innocents in between. There are differences. -There are differences. You kill with your left hand? -You kill with your left hand? I haven't killed _you_. -I haven't killed _you_. Is that a threat? -Don't. Come here, Brenna. -Come here, Brenna. Damn you. -What is it like? Being you? Empty. And fear. Fear of those that would kill you and fear of those that would love you. It can never last, and in the end you always end up destroying both. -Empty. And fear. Fear of those that would kill you and fear of those that would love you. It can never last, and in the end you always end up destroying both. But you're known so much. History I'll only read about. -But you're known so much. History I'll only read about. It's all the same. Half lives that never go away. -It's all the same. Half lives that never go away. What is it you want? -What is it you want? All of it finished. -Gettysburg's an hour's drive at most. You should be back by nightfall. Will I see you again? -Will I see you again? Be careful. Don't stay any longer than you have to. -What's wrong? I can't stand it. Oh God, I can't stand it! -What is it? I'm the last. Oh Christ, I'm the _last one_! -Get out. No! -No! I'll destroy you. I've destroyed everything I've ever touched! Oh God... -The emptyness. The years and years of void. Nothingness. Bordered only by the quest for ultimate nothingness. Who would have guessed? The inheritance. -The inheritance. Not power. Not control. -Life. It is the gift and the under- standing of life. You have lived forever. -You have lived forever. Life is only life when it is bounded by death. The inheritance is death. The gift is the finality of life. To be part of the fabric. The inside. I love you Brenna. -It will be horrible. The future. I may die tomorrow or 10,000 tomorrows. I can promise you nothing. Nothing but a moment. Maybe two. But a moment of love, is that not worth a lifetime? Yes. -Forget it. I'm just curious. -I'm just curious. "You're never ""just curious"". You've met my neice, Brenna." -Aren't you getting a little old for this? You flunked out of law school. Now there's a new topic. -Now there's a new topic. Don't they have enough for you to do at the castle? -Forgers do it all the time. They take the birth certificate of some- one who died young and use it to get legit I.D. Usually they carry it long enough to pass some bad checks then dump it. Thanks. -Thanks. Call your mother. You never call her. -A murder. You better have a warrant. That's my notebook, you've got no right to be sticking your fingers into it. -You better have a warrant. That's my notebook, you've got no right to be sticking your fingers into it. I've got a morgue filling up with bodies. That's my right. -I've got a morgue filling up with bodies. That's my right. What do you want from me? -What do you want from me? Well, the man of the hour that we all would like to talk to about now has apparently skipped town. And all of a sudden the Smithsonian's ambulence chaser is an expert on missing persons. -I'm calling an attorney. You and I should talk first. -You and I should talk first. We've got nothing to say. -What are you going to tell them? That you're protecting a man who's killed four people? Four? -Four? All fashionably without heads. -All fashionably without heads. Spare me the details. -Spare me the details. But there's more. Wednesday someone played javelin with the cemetary curator in Felton, Delaware. Some locals spotted two cars with D.C. plates and surprise surprise, they turn out to be registered to our own Brenna Cartwright and the ever popular Richard Taupin. -But there's more. Wednesday someone played javelin with the cemetary curator in Felton, Delaware. Some locals spotted two cars with D.C. plates and surprise surprise, they turn out to be registered to our own Brenna Cartwright and the ever popular Richard Taupin. What are you getting at, Moran? -What are you getting at, Moran? You've been a busy little beaver. Especially with that records mess up in Church Hill. Your notes are very complete. Naturally my feelings were crushed when you didn't rush right over and tell us what you knew. In fact, we're considering book- ing the ambulence chaser as an accessory to murder. -You've been a busy little beaver. Especially with that records mess up in Church Hill. Your notes are very complete. Naturally my feelings were crushed when you didn't rush right over and tell us what you knew. In fact, we're considering book- ing the ambulence chaser as an accessory to murder. It'll never stick. -It'll never stick. But we might just give it the 'ole college try. What with the court back ups, it could be days before you got an arraignment. But then, I'm sure the flunk-out neice of the D.A. knows all about that. -But we might just give it the 'ole college try. What with the court back ups, it could be days before you got an arraignment. But then, I'm sure the flunk-out neice of the D.A. knows all about that. You're an asshole, Moran. -You're an asshole, Moran. I want Taupin. -I want Taupin. What makes you so sure he's the one? -What makes you so sure he's the one? Just for laughs we raided wonder boy's house. There was a gallon of one of the corpse's blood in his carpet. I think it was about then I withdrew his name for humanitarian of the year. -Just for laughs we raided wonder boy's house. There was a gallon of one of the corpse's blood in his carpet. I think it was about then I withdrew his name for humanitarian of the year. What's all of this got to do with me? -What's all of this got to do with me? What were you doing in Felton? -What were you doing in Felton? Research. If your pal was there I never saw him. -Research. If your pal was there I never saw him. I have witnesses that can put the two of you together. -I have witnesses that can put the two of you together. Never take up poker, Detective. -Never take up poker, Detective. Don't be stupid, lady. Your neck can be sliced as fast as anyone else's. -Come on Brenna, your ass is already in a sling, don't drag me into it. All I need is for you to check the name. -All I need is for you to check the name. You talked to your supervisor lately? He's burning up the place about you just dropping out of sight. That on top of the cops bugging him. -You talked to your supervisor lately? He's burning up the place about you just dropping out of sight. That on top of the cops bugging him. I'll take care of that Corey, but I need this now. -Corey, you _owe_ me. It's that important? -It's that important? Yeah. -Good way to lose your job. Some job. Card filing and cabinet dusting. Four years in this dump and I haven't written anything for Wilson that a wounded yak couldn't do. -Some job. Card filing and cabinet dusting. Four years in this dump and I haven't written anything for Wilson that a wounded yak couldn't do. I liked the bit you did about Baltic chastity belts. Too bad no one else did. -I liked the bit you did about Baltic chastity belts. Too bad no one else did. It's bullshit. Everything. My job, the people I get involved with, I'm up to here with it. -It's bullshit. Everything. My job, the people I get involved with, I'm up to here with it. You always were hard to impress. -Who is it? Not who. What. Worstick's a town in Pennsylvania. -I don't believe him. Why? -Why? He's too cool. Too sharp. I think he's got something to do with it. -Hang on a sec, you did your little favor for the boys downtown, I'm sure your uncle and the rest are perfectly capable of taking it from here. I've seen nobleman swords that weren't as well preserved. It's just a hunk of peasant iron. Why would he be carrying it around in an alley? -Someone should check him out. Maybe a collection somewhere got knocked over. He has one, he might have two. You see that desk? _Your_ desk? You see the crap piled up on it? -You see that desk? _Your_ desk? You see the crap piled up on it? Give it a rest Ned, huh? -Requiem acer'nam donaei- What are you doing man? -What are you doing man? -Et lux perpetua- --Et lux perpetua- You'll not be bringing the church into this. -You'll not be bringing the church into this. -Luceat ei- -Be quiet. -Auditorium nostrum- --Auditorium nostrum- Stop. -Stop. -In nomine sanctus esperitu- --In nomine sanctus esperitu- Stop! -Afternoon. Your name is Conor? -Your name is Conor? Aye. -Aye. Juan Cid Romirez. Chief surveyor and alchemist. -Juan Cid Romirez. Chief surveyor and alchemist. You're not from these parts. -You're not from these parts. I am from Spain. And I would like a moment of your time. -I haven't much to offer, Mr. Romirez from Spain, but you're welcome to what's here. Please go to no trouble. -Your back, it would seem perhaps you were injured in battle? Five years past me clan fought another over some- thing I cannot even re- member. -Five years past me clan fought another over some- thing I cannot even re- member. Your marks would suggest great injury. -Your marks would suggest great injury. I was nearly killed. -I was nearly killed. But you lived. -I did at that. And but for a mark you are well as any man, no? -And but for a mark you are well as any man, no? Aye. -Aye. I should imagine that your recovery must have alarmed your fellow villagers, perhaps giving them reason to invent an explanation. And a solution. -I was driven out. And now you live in a small village miles away from all you knew. -And now you live in a small village miles away from all you knew. How can you know this? -How can you know this? First food, no? A good meal makes conversation so much easier. -Hmm, que rico. What is it you call this? Pheasant. -Pheasant. You Scots have a way with game. It still has life in it. Spirit. Back home the food is so...domestic. -You Scots have a way with game. It still has life in it. Spirit. Back home the food is so...domestic. Why are you here? -Why are you here? I was sent by his majesty of Spain to Inverness as a con- sultant on matters of metal. -I was sent by his majesty of Spain to Inverness as a con- sultant on matters of metal. You're a long way from Inverness. -You're a long way from Inverness. In my travels I heard the story of the MacLeod boy struck down and brought from the hand of death by powers not of this Earth. -In my travels I heard the story of the MacLeod boy struck down and brought from the hand of death by powers not of this Earth. You know me home. Me name. -You know me home. Me name. It was time for our paths to cross. -When I was a boy a cart driven by a drunken fool crushed me. All thought I would die or be maimed for life. But I healed quickly. And like you I paid the price for being different. You are the same? -You are the same? Do you ever feel a flow, as if some- thing were pushing against you? -Do you ever feel a flow, as if some- thing were pushing against you? Yes. Always. -Yes. Always. Does it change with me in the room? -Does it change with me in the room? It is less. -It is less. You feel you know me. -You feel you know me. I don't know why. -I don't know why. We are brothers. -He told me there could be only one. Some cling to sanity through time with the one continuity and trad0 ition their lives have known: The Game. You and I Conor, we are different from all others around us. You know this, you can feel it. We are flesh and bone like any man, but unlike our neighbors we are rather difficult to injure, permanently. -Some cling to sanity through time with the one continuity and trad0 ition their lives have known: The Game. You and I Conor, we are different from all others around us. You know this, you can feel it. We are flesh and bone like any man, but unlike our neighbors we are rather difficult to injure, permanently. I don't understand. -I don't understand. You are still so very young. -You are still so very young. I'm twenty-two. -I'm twenty-two. Not even a single lifetime. -Conor, you and I, we cannot be killed. What? -What? We are immortal. -It is as you are. No! -Listen to me. Hear the words. This is madness! -This is madness! It is the truth. -It is the truth. No! -Three days you've laid there. It's time you ate. This can't be. -This can't be. You are not dead, boy. Accept it. -You are not dead, boy. Accept it. This is monstrous. I'll burn in hell for all eternity. -This is monstrous. I'll burn in hell for all eternity. You'd have to die first. Aqui. -What is to become of me? Am I to wander the Earth forever like a ghost? You will live. Survive. -You will live. Survive. Then they were right. I am evil. This is God's punishment. -Then they were right. I am evil. This is God's punishment. You have done nothing wrong Conor MacLeod. -You have done nothing wrong Conor MacLeod. Oh my God. Oh my God I'm lost. -Why does he want to kill me? You recall how I spoke of the push you feel and how I make it less? -You recall how I spoke of the push you feel and how I make it less? Aye. -Aye. It is always less with my living. Far or near. But if I were to die the push would become stronger than ever before. There is power in this. And as long as you and I live, The Knight can never have it all. -It is always less with my living. Far or near. But if I were to die the push would become stronger than ever before. There is power in this. And as long as you and I live, The Knight can never have it all. But we cannot be killed. -But we cannot be killed. There is an imperfection. For all your healing, if your head ever leaves your neck, you are dead. You can survive anything but steel against your threat. Then it is over. The end. -There is an imperfection. For all your healing, if your head ever leaves your neck, you are dead. You can survive anything but steel against your threat. Then it is over. The end. How can I stop such a man? -How can I stop such a man? Hide. Run to the ends of the Earth till you learn. You must learn to defend yourself. In this I can help. -Hide. Run to the ends of the Earth till you learn. You must learn to defend yourself. In this I can help. Why? -Why? We are brothers. And you are a defense- -of sorts. -Harder. Concentrate harder. Me arm hurts. -Me arm hurts. Again. Try again. -Harder! You swing like an impotent cow! Go to hell. -Go to hell. Oh, the boy has a mouth, now if only he had an arm. -Impotent cow. Muy Bien! -It will take less effort as you learn. It's like to kill me first. -You have a gift. One you must protect. And what is this great gift that cannot be seen or smelt? -And what is this great gift that cannot be seen or smelt? The Fabric of life. The spark that allows the passing of existence from one generation to another. -The Fabric of life. The spark that allows the passing of existence from one generation to another. If that was meant to be an ex- planation Mr. Romirez from Spain, I'm afraid you've failed. -You're no match for Scot, Mr. Romirez. We're raised as riders. Point conceeded, Mr. MacLeod. -What is the fascinatioon? It is only a leaf. All living things pay dues, Conor. They must be respected for that. -As they age they contribute to a sum that is the kindling from which all future life comes. To feel it, to know it, is to be in touch with the will of every living thing. I do not think I like the sound of that. -I do not think I like the sound of that. It does not feel nearly as frightening as it sounds. But the consequences of such feelings can be very frightening. For it gives you great strength. The strength of _knowledge_. The ability to stand between the giving of what has always been to what will always be. -It does not feel nearly as frightening as it sounds. But the consequences of such feelings can be very frightening. For it gives you great strength. The strength of _knowledge_. The ability to stand between the giving of what has always been to what will always be. I feel hardly nothing. -I feel hardly nothing. You have not been fully trained. But you will learn. And you will be good, I can feel that. You have apt- itude. This is why our friend is so concerned. -You have not been fully trained. But you will learn. And you will be good, I can feel that. You have apt- itude. This is why our friend is so concerned. But why be so concerned about me? -But why be so concerned about me? This power is divided amongst you, me, and others like cuts in a pie. But the cuts are not equal. Some, like you and he, have more. Much more. -This power is divided amongst you, me, and others like cuts in a pie. But the cuts are not equal. Some, like you and he, have more. Much more. And you? -And you? I am a small player. But if by helping you I can keep that monster from being the last, then perhaps my life has meant something. -I am a small player. But if by helping you I can keep that monster from being the last, then perhaps my life has meant something. I am not ready for this. -I am not ready for this. You must be. You have responsibilities. You must learn the rules. You can never attract attention to yourself, never show the side that will draw others to you. You will always know when you are in the presence of another. Beware. But more importantly Conor MacLeod, will be your battle against time. In the coming years you will see kingdoms rise then rot like wheat. People will become a transitory, pathetic lot. The only constant you will know will be the others and the tradition their greed and quest represent. But life without morality, without the ability to truly taste the sweetness of wine and love, is no life at all. That is how the others exist. Nothing more than walking corpses living only to slaughter each other in an insane quest to be the last. Keep your soul sewed to the earth. Do not become one of them. -You must be. You have responsibilities. You must learn the rules. You can never attract attention to yourself, never show the side that will draw others to you. You will always know when you are in the presence of another. Beware. But more importantly Conor MacLeod, will be your battle against time. In the coming years you will see kingdoms rise then rot like wheat. People will become a transitory, pathetic lot. The only constant you will know will be the others and the tradition their greed and quest represent. But life without morality, without the ability to truly taste the sweetness of wine and love, is no life at all. That is how the others exist. Nothing more than walking corpses living only to slaughter each other in an insane quest to be the last. Keep your soul sewed to the earth. Do not become one of them. Of course. -Of course. You are young, inexperienced. You do not know what time can do. How it can sap all pity, all love. -You are young, inexperienced. You do not know what time can do. How it can sap all pity, all love. That is not me. -That is not me. With the proper tools, Conor, a naive man can be much more dangerous than an evil one. -Go ahead, Senor. I have my friend to keep me company. I'll be back when I can. -I'm your future husband, remember? I have no future husband. -I have no future husband. I don't understand. Not a week ago your father gave us his blessing. -My future husband died in battle against the Sutherlands. What are you saying? I'm standing here as real as you. -What are you saying? I'm standing here as real as you. You cannot be real, Conor. You had the last rites. No man has been cut half as bad and lived. -You cannot be real, Conor. You had the last rites. No man has been cut half as bad and lived. But I did live. -But I did live. Live? In less than a week you're prancing about the country like a squirrel. -Live? In less than a week you're prancing about the country like a squirrel. So why the crazy talk? It's a miracle it is. Saint Andrew has smiled on me. On us. -So why the crazy talk? It's a miracle it is. Saint Andrew has smiled on me. On us. Some think not. -Some think not. Who? -Who? There's rumor in the village. Some call it magic. -There's rumor in the village. Some call it magic. That's mad. Surely you don't take their word? -That's mad. Surely you don't take their word? I don't know, Conor. It's not natural. Maybe something has touched you. -I don't know, Conor. It's not natural. Maybe something has touched you. You're sounding like that mad woman, Widow Baggins. -You're sounding like that mad woman, Widow Baggins. Me father has taken back my hand. -Please not be touching me, Conor. I'll not take that kind of talk from you. From those others below, maybe. But not from you. -I'll not take that kind of talk from you. From those others below, maybe. But not from you. Leave me alone, Conor. Please. -Leave me alone, Conor. Please. You're not talking sense, Mara! -If you send me away now, Mara, I'll not come looking for you. Do what you must. -Oh please. Another one. What would you like? -What would you like? Something pretty. -Something pretty. Like you. -That's wonderful. Where did you ever learn it? Far away. -Far away. Kiss me. -David. Do you have cause to bothering us? -Who am I deceiving? Certainly not me. -State of grace and all that. Tradition. -Tradition. It's all we have. -Not so scared. Perhaps not. You seem to have misplaced a private. No doubt by now his head is stranger to his neck. -Perhaps not. You seem to have misplaced a private. No doubt by now his head is stranger to his neck. No doubt. -No doubt. You surprise me. Eliminating a rival like that. Such are the actions of a man of conquest. I was mistaken. 300 years have turned the boy's fear into ambit- ion. -You surprise me. Eliminating a rival like that. Such are the actions of a man of conquest. I was mistaken. 300 years have turned the boy's fear into ambit- ion. You're wrong. -You're wrong. I know you very well, Conor MacLeod. And I can see the truth beginning to make itself clear to you. Mulet, Romirez, they were fools without vision. It was destined that the board would be cleared for the real players. -Romirez understood. Not you. Romirez is dust. -Finish your prayers? Finish yours? -Finish yours? Our common heritage. I am your only real friend, you know. The only one who truly understands you. I look forward to the day we meet again. And I kill you. -Our common heritage. I am your only real friend, you know. The only one who truly understands you. I look forward to the day we meet again. And I kill you. So sure? -Complete your inspection? They're nothing but boys. It will be a slaughter tomorrow. -They're nothing but boys. It will be a slaughter tomorrow. I doubt much can change that. The enemy has five brigades waiting for us. -I doubt much can change that. The enemy has five brigades waiting for us. We need more time. -We need more time. Won't get it. We are a sacrifice. A diversion. -Eat up Dupont. It will probably be your last. Not likely. -Your name? Mulet. -I thought I gave orders the regiment was to drill. Staff sargeant detailed me to prepare firewood for the break- fast cooking. -Staff sargeant detailed me to prepare firewood for the break- fast cooking. What is your position? -What is your position? Second musketeer. -Second musketeer. I understand you joined up in Bremen. -I understand you joined up in Bremen. You seem to understand a great deal. -You seem to understand a great deal. I am a Major, Private. You would do well remembering that when addressing me. -I am a Major, Private. You would do well remembering that when addressing me. "Excuse me, ""sir"". I thought we spoke as equals." -"Excuse me, ""sir"". I thought we spoke as equals." Equals? -Equals? If you wish to play games, Major. -Wait. I think we understand each other. We have no understanding. -We have no understanding. Then it is time two of us did. You are very young. I was once young. I can help. -"Help? I've seen others ""help"". Somehow a head always ended up on the counter." It can be different. It must be. -It can be different. It must be. It never changes, Major. -We must talk. Stay out of it. -Stay out of it. Don't threaten me, Private. -Don't threaten me, Private. "Who do you think I am? One of your freckle faced children waiting to die tomorrow? ""Threaten you""? You and I just living will always be a threat. Forever. Look at your life, Major. Look at mine. Nothing there but threat. Threats and nothingness. It's what we live for." -Do not turn your back on me. You are really going to force this, aren't you? -You are really going to force this, aren't you? Either you are with me or against me. -You see Major? You are not so different... I had no choice. -Ah, Conor, how you look a man. Have you time for some- thing to eat? -Your grandfather wore that in his service to the King, and I to fight for the Duke. Must he go? -Must he go? Aye. It is his duty. All of ours. -Aye. It is his duty. All of ours. But Ian, he's still but a boy. -But Ian, he's still but a boy. He's a MacLeod. -Here. The hook should go just below the head, where the meat is toughest. Thanks. -Fish are creatures of habit. They like their food where they're used to it. At the top, hiding in old leaves. Where did you learn that? -Where did you learn that? My father taught me. -My father taught me. Your father must be smart. -Your father must be smart. Yes, he was. -I want people in here to check over every piece of this stuff. Figure she's with him? -Figure she's with him? Yeah. -Yeah. We ran down that Church Hill info. She's right. There is no Richard Taupin. -We ran down that Church Hill info. She's right. There is no Richard Taupin. Any other I.D.s come up? -Any other I.D.s come up? Not yet. Called FBI yesterday. Thompson's going to try CIA this afternoon. Y'never know. -Should have seen him the first night. Son of a bitch stood there with a quart of blood on his pant leg and didn't even blink. You'd think he'd had practice. -Are you sure? Won't know till the records department comes back with it this after- noon. Looks good though. They found the receipt in his townhouse. It was pretty smeared but had Taupin's father listed as a signatory. -Won't know till the records department comes back with it this after- noon. Looks good though. They found the receipt in his townhouse. It was pretty smeared but had Taupin's father listed as a signatory. Round up who you can and put them on standby. -Round up who you can and put them on standby. Think we should call the local P.D. out there first? -Think we should call the local P.D. out there first? No. I want this to be all ours. -Where! I don't know. -I don't know. What name is he using? -Smith. Carl Smith. How many came? -How many came? The last four. -The last four. And the Bulgarian? -And the Bulgarian? He got him. He always does. Eventually. -He got him. He always does. Eventually. He knows I'm here. How? -He knows I'm here. How? None of this would be happening if you hadn't run... -_Answer_ me. We learned he'd found the immigration notaries in Liverpool and traced them to New York. Then he figured out the birth records in Church Hill... -Spare a chair? Kahn? -Kahn? Are you going to offer me a chair or leave me standing here all night? -Are you going to offer me a chair or leave me standing here all night? Sit. -How are you? Head still secure to the neck. -Head still secure to the neck. How did you find me? -How did you find me? How many places this side of the Atlantic serve lager and lime? -Old habits die hard. Waitress! A round of Nitzhic! Peasant drool, I know. But it's the closest thing they stock to my side of the fence. What are you doing here? -What are you doing here? It is the gathering, my friend. The settling of old scores. -And have you something to settle with me? Not tonight. Tonight I have a drink with an old friend. -Not tonight. Tonight I have a drink with an old friend. It's good to see you, Kahn. -"I'll never forget the look on that Papal commander's face when his ""heretic stronghold"" turned out to be a rock full of whores climbing all over Neuvich." Neuvich, the clown of the crusades. -Neuvich, the clown of the crusades. But then rides up Pope Pius who calmly brushes the dust from his papal cross, climbs off his papal horse, draws his papal sword and asks just what the hell is going on. And what did Neuvich, dear dear drunken Neuvich do? -But then rides up Pope Pius who calmly brushes the dust from his papal cross, climbs off his papal horse, draws his papal sword and asks just what the hell is going on. And what did Neuvich, dear dear drunken Neuvich do? Offered the Pope one of his whores. -Had a great swing with his blade. For a Pope. Good times then. A man could stretch his legs without bring- ing half the world down around his ears. Not like now. -He found us even there. He always did. -I haven't drunk this much since- -Since you last saw me. -I love zoos. Ever since I was a kid. You were never a kid. -I knew his great-grandfather. You're insane. -You're insane. No, seriously. We used to shoot pool together in Rangoon. -No, seriously. We used to shoot pool together in Rangoon. How do you do it, Kahn? How do you live so full of life for so long? -How do you do it, Kahn? How do you live so full of life for so long? Tasting and enjoying life is the only thing of value we have. All else is just marking time. You're marking time. -Tasting and enjoying life is the only thing of value we have. All else is just marking time. You're marking time. I've had a few more concerns. -The pressure only comes when you let the taste slip into your mouth. You're wrong. -You're wrong. You don't run as hard, MacLeod. You just don't run as hard anymore. -Long time. Not so long. -You've been here from the start. My quarry grows clever with age. And the others, incompetent. -Friend of yours? Of sorts. -Of sorts. I do hope she enjoys a good show. -Run! MACLEOD! -You disappoint me. I thought you'd finally gotten over that sort of thing. Leave her out of this. -Leave her out of this. As you wish. -What's the point? This isn't done. Get up. -This isn't done. Get up. What's the point! You have me, finish it! -What's the point! You have me, finish it! I have waited forever for this. You will not cheapen it, little boy. -I have waited forever for this. You will not cheapen it, little boy. Tradition. -Tradition. It's all we have. -It's all we have. Go to hell. -Perhaps Miss Cartwright would like to play. Leave her alone. -Leave her alone. Get up. -We have some unfinished business. Are you here? -Are you here? I want you to come to me. -I want you to come to me. And if I refuse? -And if I refuse? Give me an address where I can forward Miss Cart- wright's head. -Yes laddie, I have her. Should I care? -This your present address? Yes. -Yes. Mr.- Taupin, what were you doing in that alley? -Mr.- Taupin, what were you doing in that alley? I was walking by when I heard a shout. Your men came right after. -I was walking by when I heard a shout. Your men came right after. Did you know the victim? -Did you know the victim? No. -No. His name was Iman Fasil if that jogs your memory. -His name was Iman Fasil if that jogs your memory. It doesn't. -It doesn't. He was carrying a Syrian passport and had been in the country less than a week. -Two days ago a Bulgarian national was murdered the same way. He'd also been in the country less than a week. What is your citizenship? American. -Do you make a habit of hanging out in that neigh- borhood at night? What are you getting at? -What are you getting at? Let's just say that in my years with this department I've seen more than one well dressed business man look for a hand job on 14th Street. -What were _you_ looking for? That's none of your business. -That's none of your business. You're wrong. -Do you know what this is? I presume it's a sword. -I presume it's a sword. A claymore to be exact. You wouldn't know anything about it would you? -A claymore to be exact. You wouldn't know anything about it would you? Your murder weapon? -Your murder weapon? It was covered with Mr. Fasil's fingerprints, but none of his blood. -It was covered with Mr. Fasil's fingerprints, but none of his blood. A mystery. -A mystery. For the moment. -My condolences. Where were you Tuesday night? -Where were you Tuesday night? Home. -Home. A neighbor saw your car leave. -A neighbor saw your car leave. He's mistaken. -Look, I don't know what the hell you're up to, but I think I've got a pretty good idea. Do you? -Do you? All I need is time. -All I need is time. I've got all the time in the world. Except right now. If you will excuse me, Lieutenant. -Ah Steven, it is good to see you. I only just heard of Conor. I came up from Catroch as soon as I could. -I only just heard of Conor. I came up from Catroch as soon as I could. You're a kind man to be sure. -You're a kind man to be sure. I thought it only proper to pay me last respects to the family. -I thought it only proper to pay me last respects to the family. Steven, Conor didn't die. -Steven, Conor didn't die. But I had heard his wounds were mortal. -But I had heard his wounds were mortal. They were Steven, they were. It's been a miracle it has. He lasted right through and healed. No one in the village has ever seen anything like it. Ever. -When your father died I saw to it that the grounds were kept up. The money in the estate was enough to cover your costs? -The money in the estate was enough to cover your costs? Oh yes, more than enough. -You're one of William's kids, huh? His only kid. -His only kid. Sure take after him. Never seen a father and son look more alike. -Sure take after him. Never seen a father and son look more alike. We were very close. -We were very close. The resemblance is amazing. -The resemblance is amazing. When may I expect the cleaners? -When may I expect the cleaners? I'll send them right up. -Morning Mr. North Same. -Same. Such a pretty day. If I live to be 90 I'll never tire of mornings like this. Mind you I'm 74 now. -Such a pretty day. If I live to be 90 I'll never tire of mornings like this. Mind you I'm 74 now. No. -No. Yes sir. When you get older your priorities change. It's the simple things that count. Without them growing old can be a very lonely thing. -Yes sir. When you get older your priorities change. It's the simple things that count. Without them growing old can be a very lonely thing. I'm sure that's true. -Nothing to be sorry about. Just your pappy scared some. -Hello, Harvard! Got anything new on the hanging? Why don't you fellows get your own news? -This is Murphy. More slop on the hanging. A double guard's been thrown around the jail, municipal buildings, railroad terminals, and elevated stations to prepare for the expected general uprising of radicals at the hour of execution. -A double guard's been thrown around the jail, municipal buildings, railroad terminals, and elevated stations to prepare for the expected general uprising of radicals at the hour of execution. Ready? The Sheriff's just put two hundred more relatives on the payroll to protect the city against the Red Army -- which is leaving Moscow in a couple of minutes. Up a dime. -Ready? The Sheriff's just put two hundred more relatives on the payroll to protect the city against the Red Army -- which is leaving Moscow in a couple of minutes. Up a dime. The Sheriff has just received four more letters threatening his life, but he says nothing can interfere with his duty. -The Sheriff has just received four more letters threatening his life, but he says nothing can interfere with his duty. And to prove to the voters that the Red Menace is on the level, the Sheriff has written himself four more letters, threatening his life. I know he wrote 'em on account of the misspellings. -Can't you say 'hello' to a fellow? Hildy! -Are you back? No, just a farewell appearance, batting for Sweeney. I'm going into business for myself. -No, just a farewell appearance, batting for Sweeney. I'm going into business for myself. What doing? -What doing? I'm getting married tomorrow. -I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, congratulations! Good luck! -Who is it? What's the idea of locking this? -What's the idea of locking this? That's Bensinger. That's his desk. -Bensinger -- of the Tribune. Open this door! -Ain't you got any more sense than to -- ? Oh, h-hello, Mr. Burns. Why, quite an honor having you come over here. Hello, Bensinger. -Hello, Bensinger. Excuse me, I just want to -- -How do you mean? I was having a little chat about you just this afternoon -- with our Mister Duffy. -I was having a little chat about you just this afternoon -- with our Mister Duffy. Nothing -- ah -- detrimental, I hope. -Nothing -- ah -- detrimental, I hope. I should say not! That was one swell story you had in the paper this morning. -I should say not! That was one swell story you had in the paper this morning. Oh, did you -- care for the poem, Mr. Burns? -Oh, did you -- care for the poem, Mr. Burns? The poem?... The poem was great! -The poem?... The poem was great! "Remember the ending? "" -- and all is well, outside his cell, But in his heart he hears the hangman Calling and the gallows falling And his white-haired mother's tears...""" -"Remember the ending? "" -- and all is well, outside his cell, But in his heart he hears the hangman Calling and the gallows falling And his white-haired mother's tears...""" Heartbreaking! How would you like to work for me? -Heartbreaking! How would you like to work for me? What? -Duffy! I'm sending Bensinger over to see you. Mervyn, isn't it? No. Roy. Roy V. -No. Roy. Roy V. Of course! Roy Bensinger, the poet. Of course you wouldn't know! You probably never heard of Shakespeare, either! Put Mr. Bensinger right on the staff. How much are you getting on the Tribune, Roy? -Of course! Roy Bensinger, the poet. Of course you wouldn't know! You probably never heard of Shakespeare, either! Put Mr. Bensinger right on the staff. How much are you getting on the Tribune, Roy? Seventy-five. -Seventy-five. I'll give you a hundred and a by- line. -Let him have everything he wants. Now hustle and write me a story from the point of view of the escaped man. He hides, cowering... Afraid of every light, of every sound... hears footsteps... his heart going like that... And all the time they're closing in... Get the sense of an animal at bay! Sort of a Jack London style? -Sort of a Jack London style? Exactly! -I got my rhyming dictionary in -- It doesn't have to rhyme! -I'll keep you in mind. Au revoir, mon capitaine. -Au revoir, mon capitaine. Bon jour! -I won't be more than ten minutes, I promise you. Even ten minutes is a long time to be away from you. -I said -- uh -- I said even ten minutes -- is a long time -- to be away from you. Don't be embarrassed, Bruce. I heard it, but I just wanted to hear it again. I can stand being spoiled a little. The gentleman I'm going to have a chat with did very little spoiling. -Don't be embarrassed, Bruce. I heard it, but I just wanted to hear it again. I can stand being spoiled a little. The gentleman I'm going to have a chat with did very little spoiling. I'd like to spoil him just once. Sure you don't want me to go in with you? -I'd like to spoil him just once. Sure you don't want me to go in with you? My job, Bruce. I started it -- and I'll finish it. -My job, Bruce. I started it -- and I'll finish it. I suppose you're right -- but if it gets rough, remember I'm here. -I suppose you're right -- but if it gets rough, remember I'm here. I'll come a-running, pardner. -Oh, it isn't like that. It will be perfectly all right, Walter. Mother is coming with us on the train. -You know, Hildy, he's not a bad fellow. You're so nice, Bruce, you think everybody else is. -You're so nice, Bruce, you think everybody else is. Oh, he's not the man for you. I can see that. But I sort of like him. Got a lot of charm. -Oh, he's not the man for you. I can see that. But I sort of like him. Got a lot of charm. He comes by it naturally. His grandfather was a snake. -He comes by it naturally. His grandfather was a snake. If anybody had told me I'd be sitting at lunch with him -- but he swept me right off my feet. -If anybody had told me I'd be sitting at lunch with him -- but he swept me right off my feet. That's what he did to me. Swept me right off my feet -- and left me lying on the floor. -Too hot? No. It's strong. But I like it that way. -Say, what's happened to Burns? He looks sunk, doesn't he? He certainly -- hic -- does! -I don't use my wife for business purposes, Mr. Burns! Wait a minute, Bruce. What's commission on a $100,000.00 policy? -Wait a minute, Bruce. What's commission on a $100,000.00 policy? Well, at his age, twenty payment life, a little over a thousand dollars. -Well, at his age, twenty payment life, a little over a thousand dollars. And what's the matter with a thousand dollars? -And what's the matter with a thousand dollars? But -- -But -- According to the budget, we laid out that's more than our food bill for a whole year. Listen, Bruce, I don't want Walter Burns to use me, but I'm perfectly willing to use him. How long will it take to get him examined? -According to the budget, we laid out that's more than our food bill for a whole year. Listen, Bruce, I don't want Walter Burns to use me, but I'm perfectly willing to use him. How long will it take to get him examined? I could get a company doctor in twenty minutes. -About twenty-five hundred dollars. Better make that a certified check, Walter. -All right, dear. Wait a minute, Bruce. Have you got that money? -Wait a minute, Bruce. Have you got that money? The five hundred? Sure. -The five hundred? Sure. On second thought, would you let me have it? I'll get the tickets. -On second thought, would you let me have it? I'll get the tickets. But -- -But -- Believe me, Bruce, I know what I'm doing. He'd get you in a crap game -- -Believe me, Bruce, I know what I'm doing. He'd get you in a crap game -- But I don't gamble, Hilda! -But I don't gamble, Hilda! I know a lot of men who didn't do anything till they met Walter Burns. Please, dear. -I know a lot of men who didn't do anything till they met Walter Burns. Please, dear. All right. One -- two -- three -- four -- five. Five hundred. Be careful, honey. -All right. One -- two -- three -- four -- five. Five hundred. Be careful, honey. I'll be careful, darling. You be, please. -Hildy Johnson... Oh, hello, Bruce. Have you got it? Is it certified? Certified and everything. Got it right here in my wallet... What? No, he's not here -- I'm in a phone booth. -All right. I've done it. Now, are you satisfied? Fine. And here's a kiss for you. -What's the matter? I lost my wallet. -I lost my wallet. The check, Bruce! -That's right here. Gee, it was lucky your telling me about that old newspaper superstition. Yes, wasn't it? -Yes, wasn't it? I can't imagine who did it. I can't think of any enemies I have. -I can't imagine who did it. I can't think of any enemies I have. I'm sure you haven't any. -I'm sure you haven't any. For a minute, I thought maybe Walter Burns was at the back of it. But then I realized he couldn't have been. -For a minute, I thought maybe Walter Burns was at the back of it. But then I realized he couldn't have been. Oh, no. How could you ever think of such a thing? -Oh, no. How could you ever think of such a thing? Oh, I realized right away. He's really a very nice fellow, Hildy -- I found that out. -Oh, I realized right away. He's really a very nice fellow, Hildy -- I found that out. Yes, he is... Look, Bruce, we're taking that next train -- and when I say next train, this time I mean it! -Yes, he is... Look, Bruce, we're taking that next train -- and when I say next train, this time I mean it! Did you finish the interview? -Did you finish the interview? The Criminal Courts Building. -No -- but I'm sure it'll be all right with Walter. But, gee, Hildy -- he gave us that insurance business -- and you promised -- -But, gee, Hildy -- he gave us that insurance business -- and you promised -- Well, the story's practically finished. I'll just go upstairs and send it over with a messenger. -Hildy! Hello, Bruce... -BRUCE!! How'd you get out? Not through any help of yours, Hildy. -Not through any help of yours, Hildy. Bruce, I know, but I was in the biggest jam -- -I waited and waited and then I had an idea and wired Albany to send me a hundred dollars so I could get out on bail... I don't know what they'll think -- they sent it to the police station! We'll explain the whole thing to them. -We'll explain the whole thing to them. I know I got you into this, Hildy, but it does seem to me that you can't care much for me if you're willing to let me stay locked up for two hours. -I know I got you into this, Hildy, but it does seem to me that you can't care much for me if you're willing to let me stay locked up for two hours. Bruce, you know I'm mad about you and stop talking like that. Walter! -Oh, she was here. Where'd she go? -Where'd she go? Out some place. -Hildy! Where's mother? Oh -- mother -- she -- I don't know where she went. -Oh -- mother -- she -- I don't know where she went. Did you give her the money? -Did you give her the money? No, I was going to give it to her -- but she left hurriedly. -No, I was going to give it to her -- but she left hurriedly. Then suppose you give me the money. Four hundred and fifty dollars. -Then suppose you give me the money. Four hundred and fifty dollars. Oh, yes. Here it is. -Here it is, Bruce. One -- two -- three -- four hundred -- and fifty dollars. Thank you. -Just a second, Walter. Here, Bruce, here's the check... And, oh, Bruce, here's your wallet. I got it back. You got it back, eh? There's something funny going on around here. -I'm taking the nine o'clock train, Hildy. And you can meet us at the station. Fine. -Mr. Burns -- I've just told you I was busy with Mr. Bruce Baldwin! -I've just told you I was busy with Mr. Bruce Baldwin! I'm Bruce Baldwin! -You're Bruce Baldwin? Yes! -Yes! Then who are you? -Oh, I thought there was something funny... You see, Bruce, you don't mind if I call you Bruce, do you? After all, we're practically related -- Mr. -- well -- no -- no -- not at all. -Mr. -- well -- no -- no -- not at all. You see, my wife -- I mean, your wife -- that is, I mean Hildy -- had led me to expect that she was marrying a much older man. -You see, my wife -- I mean, your wife -- that is, I mean Hildy -- had led me to expect that she was marrying a much older man. Oh. -Oh. But I see, she didn't mean old in years. You always carry an umbrella, Bruce? -But I see, she didn't mean old in years. You always carry an umbrella, Bruce? Well, er -- it looked a little cloudy this morning. -Well, er -- it looked a little cloudy this morning. That's right. -- Rubbers, too, I hope? A man ought to be prepared for any emergency. -Attaboy! Come on, Bruce. Where are we going? -Where are we going? Where are we going? I'm going to buy you two lunch -- didn't Hildy tell you? -Where are we going? I'm going to buy you two lunch -- didn't Hildy tell you? No -- she didn't. -No -- she didn't. Just wanted to surprise you, I guess. Down! After you, Bruce! Come on, Hildy, my treat! -Well, so you're getting married tomorrow, eh? How does it feel, Bruce? Feels awful good. Yes, sir -- we're taking the four o'clock train to Albany and tomorrow we'll be married. -Feels awful good. Yes, sir -- we're taking the four o'clock train to Albany and tomorrow we'll be married. Taking the train today -- and being married tomorrow? -Mother? But your mother -- No. My mother. -No. My mother. Oh. Your mother -- well, of course, that relieves my mind. -I know I wasn't a good husband, Hildy, but you can always count on me. I don't think she'll need you very much -- I aim to do most of the protecting myself. -Well, I'll try to give her one. I know you will, Bruce. Are you going to live with your mother? -I know you will, Bruce. Are you going to live with your mother? Just for the first year. -Just for the first year. That'll be nice. A home with mother. A real honeymoon. In Albany, too. Ow! -Mighty nice little town, Albany. They've got the State Capitol there, you know. Yes, I know... Hildy, will you ever forget the night you brought the Governor back to your hotel room and found me taking a bath? She didn't even know I was in town... -How's business, Bruce? Well, Albany's a mighty good insurance town. Most people there take it out pretty early in life. -Well, Albany's a mighty good insurance town. Most people there take it out pretty early in life. I don't blame them. -I sometimes wish I'd taken out insurance -- but, of course, now it doesn't matter. Still, I suppose it would have been the smart thing to do. Well, I honestly feel that way. I figure I'm in one line of business that really helps people. Of course, we don't help you much when you're alive -- but afterward -- that's what counts. -Well, I honestly feel that way. I figure I'm in one line of business that really helps people. Of course, we don't help you much when you're alive -- but afterward -- that's what counts. I see what you mean. -Anything the matter? Just Sweeney again. One of my best reporters. -Just what is the lowdown on Williams? It's simple. A poor little dope who lost his job went berserk and shot a cop who was coming after him to quiet him down. -Are you sure Williams is not all there? All you've got to do is talk to him. But the Mayor would hang his own grandmother to be re-elected. -All you've got to do is talk to him. But the Mayor would hang his own grandmother to be re-elected. But couldn't you show the man wasn't responsible? -But couldn't you show the man wasn't responsible? How? -How long would the interview take? Oh -- an hour for the interview. Another hour to write it. -Oh -- an hour for the interview. Another hour to write it. We could take the six o'clock train, Hildy. If it would save a man's life. -I never knew Hildy to be so determined before. You haven't seen anything yet. -I don't know. This makes me feel funny. Why shouldn't I make Hildy my beneficiary? I've got nobody else to leave it to. -Why shouldn't I make Hildy my beneficiary? I've got nobody else to leave it to. I feel I ought to take care of her. -I feel I ought to take care of her. Well, you'll take care of her. After all, if that doctor's right, I'm going to live for a long time yet. Look, Bruce, this is a debt of honor. I was a very bad husband: Hildy could have got a lot of alimony if she'd wanted to, but she wouldn't take any. She had it coming to her, but she was too independent. -Well, you'll take care of her. After all, if that doctor's right, I'm going to live for a long time yet. Look, Bruce, this is a debt of honor. I was a very bad husband: Hildy could have got a lot of alimony if she'd wanted to, but she wouldn't take any. She had it coming to her, but she was too independent. Well, I'm independent, too. -Well, I'm independent, too. Figure it this way: I ought to be good for twenty-five years. By that time, you'll probably have made enough so that the money won't mean anything. But suppose you haven't made good -- don't you think Hildy's entitled to a quiet old age without any worries? -Figure it this way: I ought to be good for twenty-five years. By that time, you'll probably have made enough so that the money won't mean anything. But suppose you haven't made good -- don't you think Hildy's entitled to a quiet old age without any worries? Well, of course, if you put it that way. -Well, of course, if you put it that way. And remember this, Bruce! I love her, too. -And remember this, Bruce! I love her, too. I'm beginning to realize that. -I'm beginning to realize that. And the beauty of it is she'll never have to know 'till I've passed on. Maybe she'll think kindly of me --- after I'm gone. -And the beauty of it is she'll never have to know 'till I've passed on. Maybe she'll think kindly of me --- after I'm gone. Gee, you almost make me feel like a heel -- coming between you. -Gee, you almost make me feel like a heel -- coming between you. No, Bruce, you didn't come between us. It was all over for her before you came on the scene. For me -- it'll never be over. -Well, Bruce, here you are -- certified and everything. Certified! I'm afraid Hildy'd feel ashamed to think she hadn't trusted you. -Well, she'll know some day. That's all I ask. Oh, wait a minute. -Don't want to forget this, you know. Might start to rain again. Thanks. I'll phone Hildy right away to get that story. -Well, anyway, I know Hildy's getting a good man. Thanks a lot. -Well, I got to get back. You can find your way out, can't you? Oh, sure. Well, thanks for everything. -Oh, sure. Well, thanks for everything. Don't thank me. I should thank you. So long. -Don't thank me. I should thank you. So long. So long. -Hildy! What the devil do you want? Listen, Bruce, you can't come in here now! We're busy! Where you been, Duffy? Stick around! What? What Chinese earthquake? The deuce with it... what's that? -No -- I was just talking to one of the guys at the office. Oh. I wonder what's keeping mother? She was supposed to come down and get you. -And I'll take that certified check, too. I've decided I can handle things around here... Come on, Hildy, we've got to keep going! Sorry, Bruce, but -- -I'll see she's there, Bruce, I promise you. If she's not there, mother and I are leaving anyhow! -I know how you feel, Bruce, but you've got to forgive her. She's only a woman, after all. Suppose she is -- I have feelings, too! Do you know where I've been for the last couple of hours? Locked up in a police station and she didn't move to do anything about it. -Suppose she is -- I have feelings, too! Do you know where I've been for the last couple of hours? Locked up in a police station and she didn't move to do anything about it. Ts! Ts! Ts! -Ts! Ts! Ts! And now I don't know where my mother is. She may be lost. -And now I don't know where my mother is. She may be lost. I'll find her, Bruce, if I have to put every detective in the city on the job. Tell you what -- go over to the Missing Persons Bureau and describe your mother. What does she look like? -I'll find her, Bruce, if I have to put every detective in the city on the job. Tell you what -- go over to the Missing Persons Bureau and describe your mother. What does she look like? She's -- well, she's very motherly. That's about the best description I know. -She's -- well, she's very motherly. That's about the best description I know. That's the kind of stuff they want! -Oh, Bruce, let me see that money Hildy gave you. The money? Why? -The money? Why? There's a lot of counterfeit big bills going around. -There's a lot of counterfeit big bills going around. Gee! Take a look, will you? -Oh, this is all right, Bruce. I just wanted to be sure. Say, I want to be sure, too! -Who do you think you are, breaking in here like this? You can't bluff me, Burns. I don't care who you are or what paper you're editor of. -If you've any accusations to make, Hartman, make them in the proper manner. Otherwise, I'll have to ask you to get out. You'll ask me to what? -You'll ask me to what? Get out! -Get out! Close that door. Don't let anybody in or out. -I can explain that, Hartman. When Hildy told me she wanted to interview Earl Williams I thought it might be dangerous and I gave her a gun to defend herself. Oh, you did! Well, that's very, very interesting. This happens to be the gun that Earl Williams shot his way out with! -You're barking up the wrong tree, Hartman. I'll give you three minutes to tell me where he is. -No? Well -- Johnson, you're under arrest. You, too, Burns. Who's under arrest? You pimple-headed, square-toed spy -- do you realize what you're doing? -Who's under arrest? You pimple-headed, square-toed spy -- do you realize what you're doing? I'll show you what I'm doing. Burns, you're guilty of obstructing justice and so is the Morning Post. I'm going to see that the Post is fined ten thousand dollars for this. -I'll show you what I'm doing. Burns, you're guilty of obstructing justice and so is the Morning Post. I'm going to see that the Post is fined ten thousand dollars for this. You'll see nothing of the kind, Sheriff. -You'll see nothing of the kind, Sheriff. We'll just start by impounding the Post property. Is that your desk? -Hartman, if you take this desk out of this building, I'll put you behind bars. You will, eh? Well, we'll see about that. All right, boys. Take it. -You will, eh? Well, we'll see about that. All right, boys. Take it. I'm warning you -- it'll be a Federal offense. And you'll be an accessory! -I'm warning you -- it'll be a Federal offense. And you'll be an accessory! We'll take a chance on that, Burns. Go ahead, boys. -What about this, Burns? Kidnapping, eh? Oh, trying to frame me, eh! I never saw this woman before in my life! -Call Duffy! No, you don't! -No, you don't! Do you want to get us scooped? -You're going to be in office for exactly two days more and then we're pulling your nose out of the feed bag. Give me the District Attorney's office. I'll tell you what you'll be doing -- making brooms in the State penitentiary. Hello, D'Arrasty! This is Hartwell. Come over to my office, will you? I've just arrested a couple of important birds and I want to take their confessions. -What's this? Get out of here, you! -Does it? You forget the power that always watches over the Morning Post. Your luck's not with you now! -Duffy! Get Liebowitz! All the lawyers in the world aren't going to help you! -All the lawyers in the world aren't going to help you! This is the Morning Post you're talking to! -This is the Morning Post you're talking to! The power of the press, huh! -That's absurd on the face of it, Mr. Burns! He's talking like a child. Out of the mouths of babes. -Out of the mouths of babes. He's insane or drunk or something. Why, if this unfortunate man, Williams, has really been reprieved, I personally am tickled to death. Aren't you, Pete? -Save that for the Tribune. What did you say your name was -- Pinkus? -What do you want? Why, I'm surprised, Mr. Burns. That's no way to talk to your wife -- even if she's no longer your wife. -Why, I'm surprised, Mr. Burns. That's no way to talk to your wife -- even if she's no longer your wife. Hello, Hildy! -Hello, Hildy! Hello, Walter. Hi, Louie -- how's the slotmachine king? -How long is what? You know what. How long since we've seen each other? -You know what. How long since we've seen each other? Let's see. I was in Reno six weeks -- then Bermuda... Oh, about four months, I guess. Seems like yesterday to me. -Let's see. I was in Reno six weeks -- then Bermuda... Oh, about four months, I guess. Seems like yesterday to me. Maybe it was yesterday. Been seeing me in your dreams? -Maybe it was yesterday. Been seeing me in your dreams? No -- Mama doesn't dream about you any more, Walter. You wouldn't know the old girl now. -No -- Mama doesn't dream about you any more, Walter. You wouldn't know the old girl now. Oh, yes I would. I'd know you any time -- -"You're repeating yourself! That's the speech you made the night you proposed. ""-- any time -- any place -- anywhere!""" I notice you still remember it. -I notice you still remember it. I'll always remember it. If I hadn't remembered it, I wouldn't have divorced you. -I'll always remember it. If I hadn't remembered it, I wouldn't have divorced you. You know, Hildy, I sort of wish you hadn't done it. -You know, Hildy, I sort of wish you hadn't done it. Done what? -Done what? Divorced me. It sort of makes a fellow lose faith in himself. It almost gives him a feeling he wasn't wanted. -Divorced me. It sort of makes a fellow lose faith in himself. It almost gives him a feeling he wasn't wanted. Holy mackerel! Look, Walter, that's what divorces are for. -Holy mackerel! Look, Walter, that's what divorces are for. Nonsense. You've got the old-fashioned idea that divorces are something that last forever -- till 'death us do part'. Why, a divorce doesn't mean anything today. It's only a few words mumbled over you by a judge. We've got something between us nothing can change. -Nonsense. You've got the old-fashioned idea that divorces are something that last forever -- till 'death us do part'. Why, a divorce doesn't mean anything today. It's only a few words mumbled over you by a judge. We've got something between us nothing can change. I suppose that's true in a way. I am fond of you, Walter. I often wish you weren't such a stinker. -I suppose that's true in a way. I am fond of you, Walter. I often wish you weren't such a stinker. Now, that's a nice thing to say. -Now, that's a nice thing to say. Well, why did you promise me you wouldn't fight the divorce and then try and gum up the whole works? -Well, why did you promise me you wouldn't fight the divorce and then try and gum up the whole works? Well, I meant to let you go -- but, you know, you never miss the water till the well runs dry. -Well, I meant to let you go -- but, you know, you never miss the water till the well runs dry. A fellow your age, hiring an airplane to write: 'Hildy: Don't be hasty -- remember my dimple. Walter.! It held things up twenty minutes while the Judge ran out to watch it. -A fellow your age, hiring an airplane to write: 'Hildy: Don't be hasty -- remember my dimple. Walter.! It held things up twenty minutes while the Judge ran out to watch it. Well, I don't want to brag, but I've still got the dimple -- and in the same place -- I just acted like any husband who doesn't want to see his home broken up. -Well, I don't want to brag, but I've still got the dimple -- and in the same place -- I just acted like any husband who doesn't want to see his home broken up. What home? -Was it my fault? Did I know that coal mine was going to have another cave-in? I meant to be with you on our honeymoon, Hildy -- honest I did. All I know is that instead of two weeks in Atlantic City with my bridegroom, I spent two weeks in a coal mine with John Kruptzky -- age sixty-three -- getting food and air out of a tube! You don't deny that. Do you? -All I know is that instead of two weeks in Atlantic City with my bridegroom, I spent two weeks in a coal mine with John Kruptzky -- age sixty-three -- getting food and air out of a tube! You don't deny that. Do you? Deny it! I'm proud of it! We beat the whole country on that story. -Deny it! I'm proud of it! We beat the whole country on that story. Well, suppose we did? That isn't what I got married for. What's the good of -- Look, Walter, I came up here to tell you that you'll have to stop phoning me a dozen times a day -- sending twenty telegrams -- all the rest of it, because I'm -- -Well, suppose we did? That isn't what I got married for. What's the good of -- Look, Walter, I came up here to tell you that you'll have to stop phoning me a dozen times a day -- sending twenty telegrams -- all the rest of it, because I'm -- Let's not fight, Hildy. Tell you what. You come back to work on the paper and if we find we can't get along in a friendly way, we'll get married again. -Let's not fight, Hildy. Tell you what. You come back to work on the paper and if we find we can't get along in a friendly way, we'll get married again. What?!! -What?!! I haven't any hard feelings. -I haven't any hard feelings. Walter, you're wonderful in a loathesome sort of way. Now, would you mind keeping quiet long enough for me to tell you what I came up here for? -Walter, you're wonderful in a loathesome sort of way. Now, would you mind keeping quiet long enough for me to tell you what I came up here for? Sure, come on. We'll have some lunch and you can tell me everything. -Sure, come on. We'll have some lunch and you can tell me everything. I have a lunch date. I just want -- -I have a lunch date. I just want -- You can break it, can't you? -You can break it, can't you? No, I can't. -No, I can't. Sure you can. Come on. -Sure you can. Come on. Don't tell me what to do! We're divorced -- I'm a free woman. You're not my husband and you're not my boss! And what's more, you're not going to be my boss. -Don't tell me what to do! We're divorced -- I'm a free woman. You're not my husband and you're not my boss! And what's more, you're not going to be my boss. What do you mean by that? -What do you mean by that? Just what I said. That's what I -- -Just what I said. That's what I -- You mean you're not coming back to work here? -You mean you're not coming back to work here? That's the first time you've been right today. That's what I -- -That's the first time you've been right today. That's what I -- You've had a better offer, eh? -You've had a better offer, eh? You bet I've got a better offer. -You bet I've got a better offer. Well, go on and take it. Work for somebody else! That's the gratitude I get for -- -Well, go on and take it. Work for somebody else! That's the gratitude I get for -- I know, Walter, but I -- -I know, Walter, but I -- What were you when you came here five years ago? A little college girl from a School of Journalism! I took a little doll-faced mugg -- -What were you when you came here five years ago? A little college girl from a School of Journalism! I took a little doll-faced mugg -- You wouldn't have taken me if I hadn't been doll-faced! -You wouldn't have taken me if I hadn't been doll-faced! Why should I? I thought it would be a novelty to have a face around here a man could look at without shuddering. -Why should I? I thought it would be a novelty to have a face around here a man could look at without shuddering. Listen, Walter -- -Listen, Walter -- I made a great reporter out of you, Hildy, but you won't be half as good on any other paper, and you know it. You need me and I need you -- and the paper needs both of us. -I made a great reporter out of you, Hildy, but you won't be half as good on any other paper, and you know it. You need me and I need you -- and the paper needs both of us. Well, the paper'll have to learn to do without me. And so will you. It just didn't work out, Walter. -Well, the paper'll have to learn to do without me. And so will you. It just didn't work out, Walter. It would have worked if you'd been satisfied with just being editor and reporter. But no! You had to marry me and spoil everything. -It would have worked if you'd been satisfied with just being editor and reporter. But no! You had to marry me and spoil everything. I wasn't satisfied! I suppose I proposed to you! -I wasn't satisfied! I suppose I proposed to you! Well, you practically did! Making goo-goo eyes at me for two years till I broke down. And I still claim I was tight the night I proposed. If you'd been a gentleman you'd have forgotten all about it. But not you! -Well, you practically did! Making goo-goo eyes at me for two years till I broke down. And I still claim I was tight the night I proposed. If you'd been a gentleman you'd have forgotten all about it. But not you! You -- you -- -Sweeney! You can't do that to me! Not today, of all days! Jumping Jehosophat! Oh, no, Sweeney... Well, I suppose so... All right. If you have to, you have to. How do you like that? Everything happens to me -- with 365 days in the year -- this has to be the day. What's the matter? -What's the matter? Sweeney. -Sweeney. Dead? -Dead? Not yet. Might just as well be. The only man on the paper who can write -- and his wife picks this morning to have a baby! -Not yet. Might just as well be. The only man on the paper who can write -- and his wife picks this morning to have a baby! Sweeney? Well, after all, he didn't do it on purpose, did he? -Sweeney? Well, after all, he didn't do it on purpose, did he? I don't care whether he did or not. He's supposed to be covering the Earl Williams case and there he is -- waiting at the hospital! Is there no sense of honor left in this country? -I don't care whether he did or not. He's supposed to be covering the Earl Williams case and there he is -- waiting at the hospital! Is there no sense of honor left in this country? Well, haven't you got anybody else? -Well, haven't you got anybody else? There's nobody else on the paper who can write! This'll break me, unless -- Hildy! -There's nobody else on the paper who can write! This'll break me, unless -- Hildy! No! -No! You've got to help me, Hildy. -You've got to help me, Hildy. Keep away -- -Keep away -- It'll bring us together again, Hildy -- just the way we used to be. -It'll bring us together again, Hildy -- just the way we used to be. "That's what I'm afraid of. ""Any time -- any place -- anywhere!""" -"That's what I'm afraid of. ""Any time -- any place -- anywhere!""" Don't mock, Hildy, this is bigger than anything that's happened to us. Don't do it for me! Do it for the paper. -Don't mock, Hildy, this is bigger than anything that's happened to us. Don't do it for me! Do it for the paper. Get away, Svengali. -Get away, Svengali. If you won't do it for love, how about money? Forget the other offer and I'll raise you twenty-five bucks a week. -If you won't do it for love, how about money? Forget the other offer and I'll raise you twenty-five bucks a week. Listen, you bumble-headed baboon -- -Listen, you bumble-headed baboon -- All right -- thirty-five, and not a cent more! -All right -- thirty-five, and not a cent more! Please! Will you just -- -Please! Will you just -- Great grief! What's that other paper going to give you? -Great grief! What's that other paper going to give you? I'm not working for any other paper! -I'm not working for any other paper! Oh! In that case, the raise is off and you go back to your old salary and like it. Trying to blackjack -- -Oh! In that case, the raise is off and you go back to your old salary and like it. Trying to blackjack -- Look at this! -I tried to tell you right away but you started reminiscing. I'm getting married, Walter, and also getting as far away from the newspaper business as I can get! I'm through. Get married all you want to, Hildy, but you can't quit the newspaper business. -Get married all you want to, Hildy, but you can't quit the newspaper business. You can't sell me that, Walter. -You can't sell me that, Walter. Who says I can't? You're a newspaper man. -Who says I can't? You're a newspaper man. That's why I'm quitting. I want to go some place where I can be a woman. -That's why I'm quitting. I want to go some place where I can be a woman. I know you, Hildy, and I know what it would mean. It would kill you. -I know you, Hildy, and I know what it would mean. It would kill you. A journalist! Peeking through keyholes -- running after fire engines -- waking people up in the middle of the night to ask them if they think Hitler's going to start a war -- stealing pictures off old ladies of their daughters that got chased by apemen! I know all about reporters -- a lot of daffy buttinskies going around without a nickel in their pockets, and for what? So a million hired girls and motormen's wives will know what's going on! No, Walter, I'm through. -A journalist! Peeking through keyholes -- running after fire engines -- waking people up in the middle of the night to ask them if they think Hitler's going to start a war -- stealing pictures off old ladies of their daughters that got chased by apemen! I know all about reporters -- a lot of daffy buttinskies going around without a nickel in their pockets, and for what? So a million hired girls and motormen's wives will know what's going on! No, Walter, I'm through. Where'd you meet this man? -Where'd you meet this man? Bermuda. -Bermuda. Bermuda... Rich, eh? -Bermuda... Rich, eh? Not what you'd call rich. Makes about five thousand a year. -Not what you'd call rich. Makes about five thousand a year. What's his line? -What's his line? He's in the insurance business. -He's in the insurance business. The insurance business? -The insurance business? It's a good, honest business, isn't it? -It's a good, honest business, isn't it? Oh sure, it's honest. But somehow, I can't picture you with a guy who sells policies. -Oh sure, it's honest. But somehow, I can't picture you with a guy who sells policies. Well, I can, and I love it! He forgets the office when he's with me. He doesn't treat me like an errand-boy -- he treats me like a woman. -Well, I can, and I love it! He forgets the office when he's with me. He doesn't treat me like an errand-boy -- he treats me like a woman. He does, does he? How did I treat you -- like a water buffalo? -He does, does he? How did I treat you -- like a water buffalo? I don't know about water buffaloes, but I know about him. He's kind and sweet and considerate. He wants a home -- and children. -I don't know about water buffaloes, but I know about him. He's kind and sweet and considerate. He wants a home -- and children. Say, sounds more like a guy I ought to marry. What's his name? -Say, sounds more like a guy I ought to marry. What's his name? Well, I'll give you a hint. By tomorrow they'll be calling me Mrs. Bruce Baldwin. -Well, I'll give you a hint. By tomorrow they'll be calling me Mrs. Bruce Baldwin. Tomorrow? Tomorrow... as quick as that? -Tomorrow? Tomorrow... as quick as that? The quicker the better. Well -- I finally got out what I came in to tell you. So long, Walter, and better luck next time. -The quicker the better. Well -- I finally got out what I came in to tell you. So long, Walter, and better luck next time. I wish you everything I couldn't give you, Hildy. -I wish you everything I couldn't give you, Hildy. Thanks... -Thanks... Too bad I couldn't see this guy first. I'm pretty particular about whom my wife marries. -Too bad I couldn't see this guy first. I'm pretty particular about whom my wife marries. Well, he's waiting in the anteroom for me now. -Well, he's waiting in the anteroom for me now. Say, could I meet him? -Say, could I meet him? Oh, better not, Walter. Wouldn't do any good. -Oh, better not, Walter. Wouldn't do any good. You're not afraid, are you? -You're not afraid, are you? Afraid? I should say not! -Afraid? I should say not! All right then, come on and let's see this paragon. Is he as good as you say? -All right then, come on and let's see this paragon. Is he as good as you say? Better. -Then what does he want with you? Now you got me. -Now you got me. Nothing personal. I was just asking. -You wouldn't believe this, Walter, but Bruce holds the door open for me. No kidding? -And he takes his hat off when he's with a lady. What for? -What for? And when he walks with a lady, he waits for her! -And when he walks with a lady, he waits for her! Oh, I'm sorry. -Allow me. Thanks. -I suppose I can't call this off without creating a scene -- but remember, it's your last fling. How do you like that? Here I am being nice to you and your sweet-heart and that's the thanks I get! -Well, I'll tell you one thing, old man, she never looked at me the way she's looking at you. I might have, Walter, but you were never there. -I might have, Walter, but you were never there. Anyway, I'm glad you two are going to be happy and have all the things I couldn't give her. You know, Hildy is about the best reporter in the country -- and that goes regardless of sex. But all she really ever wanted was a home. -Here's luck to the bride and bridegroom. Thank you. -What now? His wife had twins and he went out to celebrate and got as drunk as a lord. They can't even find him. I tell you, drink is the ruin of this nation. -His wife had twins and he went out to celebrate and got as drunk as a lord. They can't even find him. I tell you, drink is the ruin of this nation. You said it. -You said it. So -- Sweeney gets twins -- and Earl Williams gets hanged tomorrow. -If he's nuts, why doesn't the State just put him away? Because it happened to be a colored policeman. -Because it happened to be a colored policeman. The colored vote happens to be very important to the Mayor of this town. -The colored vote happens to be very important to the Mayor of this town. Especially with an election coming up in a few days. -No, Bruce, dear. Don't you see? This is a trick to get your sympathy. No, Walter, I've been waiting for something like this -- but I wasn't sure when you'd spring it. If you want to save Earl Williams' life, you can interview him yourself. You're still a good reporter. Bruce and I will be on that four o'clock train -- and thanks just the same. I'm an editor. I know what ought to be written, but I can't write it the way you could. It needs a woman's heart -- -I'm an editor. I know what ought to be written, but I can't write it the way you could. It needs a woman's heart -- Why, Walter, you're getting poetic! -Why, Walter, you're getting poetic! You see what I had to put up with? She never trusted me! You argue with her -- otherwise you're going on a honeymoon with blood on your hands! -How can you have any happiness after that? All through the years you'll remember that a man went to the gallows because you were too selfish to wait two hours! I tell you, Earl Williams' face will come between you on the train tonight -- and at the preacher's tomorrow -- and all the rest of your lives! What a performance! Bravo! Don't let him fool you, Bruce -- it's only an act! -What a performance! Bravo! Don't let him fool you, Bruce -- it's only an act! What do you mean, only an act? Haven't you got any feeling? -What do you mean, only an act? Haven't you got any feeling? Well, it's either an act on your part or a miracle on Sweeney's. -Well, it's either an act on your part or a miracle on Sweeney's. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I happen to know Sweeney was married only three months ago. If he's got twins this morning, I claim it was done with mirrors. -I happen to know Sweeney was married only three months ago. If he's got twins this morning, I claim it was done with mirrors. All right, Hildy, I'm licked. But I'll make you and Bruce a business proposition. -All right, Hildy, I'm licked. But I'll make you and Bruce a business proposition. We're not interested. -We're not interested. Maybe you'll be. You're a smart young man. You let Hildy do this story for me and you can write out a $100,000.00 insurance policy for me. What do you say? -Now you're talking! You keep out of this. Bruce, suppose you examine Mr. Burns in his office. I'll get my bag and go over to the Press Room in the Criminal Courts Building. You phone me as soon as Mr. Burns has given you his check. Then I'll go get the interview and you phone Mother that we're taking the six o'clock train. And no tricks, Walter! -You keep out of this. Bruce, suppose you examine Mr. Burns in his office. I'll get my bag and go over to the Press Room in the Criminal Courts Building. You phone me as soon as Mr. Burns has given you his check. Then I'll go get the interview and you phone Mother that we're taking the six o'clock train. And no tricks, Walter! What tricks would I pull? -What tricks would I pull? Oh, nothing! Of course, you might cancel the check. Yes! Wait a minute! What would be his first payment on that policy? -What do you think I am -- a crook? Yes --- and that's putting it mildly! No certified check -- no story -- Get me? -Yes --- and that's putting it mildly! No certified check -- no story -- Get me? All right. The check will be certified. Want my fingerprints? -All right. The check will be certified. Want my fingerprints? No thanks, I've still got those. Well, I'll step into some working clothes and hop over to the Press Room for the background on this yarn. It'll be kind of fun to see the boys again, too. Remember, Bruce, it must be certified. -Exclusive? That's great. It cost me four hundred and fifty bucks to tear it out of Cooley. -It cost me four hundred and fifty bucks to tear it out of Cooley. Never mind that. What's the story? -Never mind that. What's the story? Never mind it? That's not my money! That's Bruce's money! -Never mind it? That's not my money! That's Bruce's money! You'll get it. Now what's the story? I'll have the paper send the money right down to you. I swear it on my mother's grave. -You'll get it. Now what's the story? I'll have the paper send the money right down to you. I swear it on my mother's grave. Wait a minute. Your mother's alive. -Wait a minute. Your mother's alive. I meant on my grandmother's grave. Don't be so technical, Hildy. What's the story?! -I meant on my grandmother's grave. Don't be so technical, Hildy. What's the story?! Well, this expert Dr. Egelhoffer, from New York, decides to make Williams re-enact the crime -- -Well, I'm coming to it. It seems the Professor had to have a gun to re- enact the crime with -- and who do you suppose supplied it? Nobody else but that great thinker, Sheriff Hartman! No kidding, Hildy. Say, this isn't a rib? -No kidding, Hildy. Say, this isn't a rib? No, this is on the level, Walter. I'm not good enough to make this one up. The Sheriff gave his gun to the Professor, the Professor gave it to Earl, and Earl gave it right back to the Professor -- right in the stomach! Who? No, Egelhoffer wasn't hurt badly. They took him to the County Hospital where they're afraid he'll recover. -No, this is on the level, Walter. I'm not good enough to make this one up. The Sheriff gave his gun to the Professor, the Professor gave it to Earl, and Earl gave it right back to the Professor -- right in the stomach! Who? No, Egelhoffer wasn't hurt badly. They took him to the County Hospital where they're afraid he'll recover. That's great work, Hildy... Huh? Oh, will you stop worrying about the money? I'll see you get it in fifteen minutes. -That's great work, Hildy... Huh? Oh, will you stop worrying about the money? I'll see you get it in fifteen minutes. It better be fifteen minutes, because Bruce is waiting downstairs in a taxicab and that meter's clicking away to beat the band. -It better be fifteen minutes, because Bruce is waiting downstairs in a taxicab and that meter's clicking away to beat the band. Hold on a minute. -Walter! D-did you see -- -- that? Yes. Where is he? -Yes. Where is he? She jumped out of the window. -She jumped out of the window. I know. Where is he, I said. -Where do you think you're going? Let go o' me! I've got to get Bruce out of jail! Oh, Walter, why did you have to do this to me? -Let go o' me! I've got to get Bruce out of jail! Oh, Walter, why did you have to do this to me? Get Bruce out of jail! How can you worry about a man who's resting comfortably in a quiet police station while this is going on? Hildy, this is war! You can't desert now! -Get Bruce out of jail! How can you worry about a man who's resting comfortably in a quiet police station while this is going on? Hildy, this is war! You can't desert now! Oh, get off that trapeze! There's your story! Smear it all over the front page -- Earl Williams caught by the Morning Post! And take all the credit -- I covered your story for you and I got myself in a fine mess doing it -- and now I'm getting out! I know I told you that twice before today -- but this time I mean it! -Oh, get off that trapeze! There's your story! Smear it all over the front page -- Earl Williams caught by the Morning Post! And take all the credit -- I covered your story for you and I got myself in a fine mess doing it -- and now I'm getting out! I know I told you that twice before today -- but this time I mean it! You drooling idiot! What do you mean, you're getting out! There are three hundred and sixty-five days in the year one can get married -- but how many times have you got a murderer locked up in a desk? -- Once in a lifetime! Hildy, you've got the whole city by the seat of the pants! -You drooling idiot! What do you mean, you're getting out! There are three hundred and sixty-five days in the year one can get married -- but how many times have you got a murderer locked up in a desk? -- Once in a lifetime! Hildy, you've got the whole city by the seat of the pants! I know, but -- -I know, but -- You know! You've got the brain of a pancake! That wasn't just a story you covered -- it was a revolution! Hildy! This is the greatest yarn in journalism since Livingstone discovered Stanley for the New York Herald! -You know! You've got the brain of a pancake! That wasn't just a story you covered -- it was a revolution! Hildy! This is the greatest yarn in journalism since Livingstone discovered Stanley for the New York Herald! Wait a minute -- wasn't it Stanley who discovered Livingstone? -Wait a minute -- wasn't it Stanley who discovered Livingstone? Don't get technical at a time like this! Do you realize what you've done? You've taken a city that's been graft-ridden for forty years under the same old gang and with this yarn you're kicking 'em out and giving us a chance to have the same kind of government that New York's having under La Guardia! We'll make such monkeys out of these ward-heelers next Tuesday that nobody'll vote for them -- not even their wives! -Don't get technical at a time like this! Do you realize what you've done? You've taken a city that's been graft-ridden for forty years under the same old gang and with this yarn you're kicking 'em out and giving us a chance to have the same kind of government that New York's having under La Guardia! We'll make such monkeys out of these ward-heelers next Tuesday that nobody'll vote for them -- not even their wives! I'd like to think. -I'd like to think. Well, think it then, because it's true! We'll crucify that mob. We're going to keep Williams under cover till morning so the Post can break the story exclusive. Then we'll let the Governor in on the capture -- share the glory with him. -Well, think it then, because it's true! We'll crucify that mob. We're going to keep Williams under cover till morning so the Post can break the story exclusive. Then we'll let the Governor in on the capture -- share the glory with him. I get it! -I get it! You've kicked over the whole City Hall like an apple-cart. You've got the Mayor and Hartman backed against a wall. You've put one administration out and another in. This isn't a newspaper story -- it's a career! And you stand there belly-aching about whether you catch an eight o'clock train or a nine o'clock train! Still a doll-faced mugg! That's all you are. -You've kicked over the whole City Hall like an apple-cart. You've got the Mayor and Hartman backed against a wall. You've put one administration out and another in. This isn't a newspaper story -- it's a career! And you stand there belly-aching about whether you catch an eight o'clock train or a nine o'clock train! Still a doll-faced mugg! That's all you are. Let me get at that typewriter and I'll show you how a doll-faced mugg can write! -Let me get at that typewriter and I'll show you how a doll-faced mugg can write! Attagirl! Why, they'll be naming streets after you -- Hildy Johnson Street! There'll be statues of you in the parks, Hildy. The radio'll be after you -- the movies! By tomorrow morning I'll betcha there's a Hildy Johnson cigar! I can see the billboards now. Light up with Hildy Johnson! -Attagirl! Why, they'll be naming streets after you -- Hildy Johnson Street! There'll be statues of you in the parks, Hildy. The radio'll be after you -- the movies! By tomorrow morning I'll betcha there's a Hildy Johnson cigar! I can see the billboards now. Light up with Hildy Johnson! Whoa -- wait a minute. We can't leave Williams here. One of the other fellows'll -- -Whoa -- wait a minute. We can't leave Williams here. One of the other fellows'll -- We're going to take him over to my private office. Where's our phone? -We're going to take him over to my private office. Where's our phone? That one -- how you gonna take him? They'll see him. -Not if he's inside the desk. We'll carry the desk over. Give me Duffy! You can't take that desk out. It's crawling with cops outside. -You can't take that desk out. It's crawling with cops outside. We'll lower it out of the window with pulleys. Quit stallin'. -Hildy! Huh! -Huh! Get the lead out of your typewriter and start pounding out a load, will you? Snap into it! -Get the lead out of your typewriter and start pounding out a load, will you? Snap into it! How much do you want on it? -How much do you want on it? All the words you've got. -All the words you've got. Where's some paper? -Can I call the Mayor a bird of prey -- or is that libelous? Call him a love-child, if you want to. Duffy! -How about the time he had his house painted by the Fire Department? Give him the works. Hello, Duffy, get set! We've got the biggest story in the world. Earl Williams caught by the Morning Post -- exclusive! -For Pete's sake, Hildy, they're waiting for the rest of that story! Okay, Walter. -Hildy! All right, Walter. -Listen, did you impress it on Butch that I want him and his gang here right away? You did? Every minute counts. All right. Duffy's getting old! Where's Butch? -Well, keep going! We want an extra out on the streets before it's too late! Where's Bruce? -Where's Bruce? Bruce? Oh -- er -- he went out to get the tickets. -Bruce? Oh -- er -- he went out to get the tickets. What tickets? -What tickets? Railroad tickets. -Railroad tickets. Is he coming back here? -Is he coming back here? Didn't you hear him? Of course he's coming back here. Keep going, will you? -Double-crossing swine! You said it! But this'll teach him a lesson. He won't quit his paper without giving notice after this. -Tear into it, will you? Don't sit there like a frozen robin! I'm finished. -I'm finished. Finished! -Bruce ought to be back by now. Walter, you're not trying anything again, are you? Hildy, you think I could? After this story? Here! You're just nervous. -Where's Mrs. Baldwin? What did you do with her? -What did you do with her? What happened? -What happened? You been in a fight? -Where is she? Tell me! Louie! -Don't tell me -- was she killed? Was she? Did you notice? -It's Fate, Hildy. What will be, will be. What am I going to say to Bruce? What'll I tell him? -What am I going to say to Bruce? What'll I tell him? If he really loves you, you won't have to tell him anything. Snap out of it! Would you rather have had the old dame dragging the whole police force in here? -If he really loves you, you won't have to tell him anything. Snap out of it! Would you rather have had the old dame dragging the whole police force in here? I killed her. I'm responsible. Oh- h... what can I do now? How can I ever face him? Oh, I hope he never comes back! -Look at me, Hildy -- I'm looking at you -- you murderer! -I'm looking at you -- you murderer! If it was my own mother, I'd carry on! You know I would. For the paper! -If it was my own mother, I'd carry on! You know I would. For the paper! Louie, where'd it happen? I'm going out! -Hello -- hello... Gimme Western four-five-five-seven. -Gimme Western four-five-five-seven. Who? Hello, Butch! Where are you? -Who? Hello, Butch! Where are you? Mission Hospital? Gimme the Receiving Room. -Mission Hospital? Gimme the Receiving Room. What are you doing there? Haven't you even started? -What are you doing there? Haven't you even started? Hello -- Eddie? Hildy Johnson. Was there an old lady brought in from an auto smashup? -Hello -- Eddie? Hildy Johnson. Was there an old lady brought in from an auto smashup? Oh, for -- H. Sebastian -- Butch! Listen, it's a matter of life and death! Listen! -Oh, for -- H. Sebastian -- Butch! Listen, it's a matter of life and death! Listen! Nobody? Morningside three-one-two-four. -Nobody? Morningside three-one-two-four. I can't hear... You got who? Speak up! A what?... You can't stop for a dame now! -I can't hear... You got who? Speak up! A what?... You can't stop for a dame now! Is this the Community Hospital? -Is this the Community Hospital? I don't care if you've been after her for six years! Butch, our whole lives are at stake! Are you going to let a woman come between us after all we've been through? -I don't care if you've been after her for six years! Butch, our whole lives are at stake! Are you going to let a woman come between us after all we've been through? Hello, Max, Hildy Johnson. Was there an old lady --? -Hello, Max, Hildy Johnson. Was there an old lady --? Butch! I'd put my arm in fire for you -- up to here! Now, you can't double-cross me!... She does? All right -- put her on. I'll talk to her... Hello! Oh, hello, Madam... Now listen, you ten-cent glamour girl, you can't keep Butch away from his duty... What's that? You say that again and I'll come over there and knock your eye out! Hello? I'll kill 'em! I'll kill both of 'em! Duffy! Mousing around with some big blonde Annie on my time! That's co-operation! Duffy!! -Butch! I'd put my arm in fire for you -- up to here! Now, you can't double-cross me!... She does? All right -- put her on. I'll talk to her... Hello! Oh, hello, Madam... Now listen, you ten-cent glamour girl, you can't keep Butch away from his duty... What's that? You say that again and I'll come over there and knock your eye out! Hello? I'll kill 'em! I'll kill both of 'em! Duffy! Mousing around with some big blonde Annie on my time! That's co-operation! Duffy!! Shut up, will you? You sure? Nobody? -Shut up, will you? You sure? Nobody? Duffy!!!! Duffy!!!! Well, where is Duffy? Diabetes! I ought to know better than to hire anybody with a disease. Louie. -Lafayette two-one-hundred. That dumb immigrant'll flop on me. I know it. Can you imagine Butch doing this to me -- at a time like this? -Ring that number, will you? Come here. See if we can move it. -Come here. See if we can move it. Hello -- hello! Is this the Lying -- In Hospital? Did you have an auto accident in the last -- -Hello -- hello! Is this the Lying -- In Hospital? Did you have an auto accident in the last -- Will you come here? -Will you come here? Oh, I see. I beg your pardon. -Oh, I see. I beg your pardon. When I'm surrounded, with my back against the wall, you're not going to lay down on me, are you -- -When I'm surrounded, with my back against the wall, you're not going to lay down on me, are you -- Yes. -Hildy, you just can't leave me out on a limb now. It -- it wouldn't be cricket! I don't care what you say. I'm going to find Bruce's mother. Oh-h... I'm going out and find her! -Don't open that! Who says so? I'm going to the morgue -- to look -- -No, you don't! Walter! What is it? Here! -No! Yes! What are you afraid of Hildy? I dare him to move that desk out of here. -Wait a minute! Let go there! Murder, uh? -Murder, uh? Hanging an innocent man to win an election! -When did you deliver this first? Who did you talk to? -Which ought to be about three hours more, I'd say. Just until we can get out a special edition asking for your impeachment. -Just until we can get out a special edition asking for your impeachment. And your arrest. You'll each get about ten years, I think. -How was that for a tight squeeze? Don't tell me you were worried! -Don't tell me you were worried! Worried! I was petrified. Weren't you? -Worried! I was petrified. Weren't you? Uh-uh. As long as we were in there together pitching -- they couldn't lick us. Well, it's been a lot of fun. -Uh-uh. As long as we were in there together pitching -- they couldn't lick us. Well, it's been a lot of fun. In a way. -In a way. I mean -- working together. Just like the old days. The things we've been through, Hildy. -I mean -- working together. Just like the old days. The things we've been through, Hildy. We've certainly been in some swell jams. -We've certainly been in some swell jams. Remember the time we broke into the D.A.'s office, and copied Fifi Randell's diary? -Remember the time we broke into the D.A.'s office, and copied Fifi Randell's diary? Yeah. What about the time we hid the missing heiress in the sauerkraut factory? Six scoop interviews! -Yeah. What about the time we hid the missing heiress in the sauerkraut factory? Six scoop interviews! Yeah - but that time we stole Old Lady Haggerty's stomach off the Coroner's physician. We proved she was poisoned though, didn't we? -Yeah - but that time we stole Old Lady Haggerty's stomach off the Coroner's physician. We proved she was poisoned though, didn't we? We sure did, but we had to go in hiding for a week. -We sure did, but we had to go in hiding for a week. In the Shoreland Hotel. And our only chaperon was the poor old lady's stomach. -In the Shoreland Hotel. And our only chaperon was the poor old lady's stomach. Don't remind me. That's how we happened to -- -Sorry, Hildy. I didn't mean to be making love to another man's fiancee. That's all right, Walter. It's as much my fault as yours. -That's all right, Walter. It's as much my fault as yours. Bruce is making the nine o'clock train. I told him you'd be on it -- unless you want to write this story yourself. -Bruce is making the nine o'clock train. I told him you'd be on it -- unless you want to write this story yourself. Well, if it's my last story, I'd like it to be a good one. But -- I guess I can't, Walter. -Well, if it's my last story, I'd like it to be a good one. But -- I guess I can't, Walter. Suit yourself, kid. This isn't for me to decide. Of course, you could make a later train and still be in Albany tomorrow morning. -Suit yourself, kid. This isn't for me to decide. Of course, you could make a later train and still be in Albany tomorrow morning. Yeah. I suppose I could. But, Walter -- -Yeah. I suppose I could. But, Walter -- He's going to have you the rest of his life, Hildy. Can't you give me another hour? -He's going to have you the rest of his life, Hildy. Can't you give me another hour? I don't know what to do, Walter. -I don't know what to do, Walter. Flip a coin. -Flip a coin. All right. Heads I go -- tails I stay to write the story. Ready? -Well -- what is it? What's the difference? I'm going to write that story -- and you know it! -Hildy! Don't touch me! I'm not doing it for you! -Don't touch me! I'm not doing it for you! Then why are you doing it? -Then why are you doing it? Because I'm a newspaper woman, Heaven help me! -The greatest yarn ever written by anybody. My hat's off to you, Hildy! Thanks. -Thanks. And what a way to quit. While you're still champion! That's the way to leave, Hildy! -And what a way to quit. While you're still champion! That's the way to leave, Hildy! Yeah. Only -- only I'm not leaving, Walter. -Yeah. Only -- only I'm not leaving, Walter. What do you mean? Bruce'll be waiting for you in Albany. -What do you mean? Bruce'll be waiting for you in Albany. No, he won't. I wired him that I wasn't coming. -No, he won't. I wired him that I wasn't coming. Where'd you wire him? -Where'd you wire him? On the nine o'clock train. That's the one he took, isn't it? -On the nine o'clock train. That's the one he took, isn't it? Sure. -Sure. It's awfully clear now. Bruce needs a wife who can give him a home -- and affection -- and peace. I couldn't do that for him, Walter. I'm what you made me -- a cheap reporter who'd give up her soul for a story!... Is that job still open? -It's awfully clear now. Bruce needs a wife who can give him a home -- and affection -- and peace. I couldn't do that for him, Walter. I'm what you made me -- a cheap reporter who'd give up her soul for a story!... Is that job still open? Both jobs are open, Hildy. The paper -- and being Mrs. Walter Burns. -Both jobs are open, Hildy. The paper -- and being Mrs. Walter Burns. Thanks, Walter, but it's no good. We tried it. -Thanks, Walter, but it's no good. We tried it. Sure, it was good -- it was wonderful! Only you expected it to be like other marriages. It can't be like other marriages -- we're different! We're a different world. Look at what we went through today. I wouldn't trade that for any honeymoon in the world. I bet you wouldn't, either. -Sure, it was good -- it was wonderful! Only you expected it to be like other marriages. It can't be like other marriages -- we're different! We're a different world. Look at what we went through today. I wouldn't trade that for any honeymoon in the world. I bet you wouldn't, either. A fine honeymoon, with a murderer right in the boudoir! And that other honeymoon in a coal mine! -A fine honeymoon, with a murderer right in the boudoir! And that other honeymoon in a coal mine! That's what makes it romantic. Every other married couple goes away on a honeymoon and for two weeks the bride knows just where the groom is, and vice versa. But us -- you never know where I am and I'm not sure where you are. That's Romance! -That's what makes it romantic. Every other married couple goes away on a honeymoon and for two weeks the bride knows just where the groom is, and vice versa. But us -- you never know where I am and I'm not sure where you are. That's Romance! Well, maybe I'd like to know just once! -Well, maybe I'd like to know just once! Hildy, if that's what you want, all right. We'll even go to -- how about Niagara Falls? -Hildy, if that's what you want, all right. We'll even go to -- how about Niagara Falls? Niagara Falls! Walter, you don't mean that? -Niagara Falls! Walter, you don't mean that? Sure I do. And I'll tell you something else -- I'd like a baby. -Sure I do. And I'll tell you something else -- I'd like a baby. Walter! -Walter! Sure, I can't last forever. I want a son I can train to take my place on this paper. -Sure, I can't last forever. I want a son I can train to take my place on this paper. What would you do if it was a daughter? -What would you do if it was a daughter? Well, if she looked like you -- Say! My brains and your looks -- that mightn't be such a bad combination. -Well, if she looked like you -- Say! My brains and your looks -- that mightn't be such a bad combination. What's the matter with my brains? -What's the matter with my brains? What's the good of arguing about something that probably doesn't exist? Look, Hildy, I'm proposing to you. What do you say? -What's the good of arguing about something that probably doesn't exist? Look, Hildy, I'm proposing to you. What do you say? Well, I'd like to be lady-like and think it over. -Well, I'd like to be lady-like and think it over. I don't want to rush you. Take a couple of seconds. -What! Now don't argue, Hildy. How about it, Judge? -That's what he said the last time. Don't believe him, Judge. Hildy, from this time on no tricks, no double-crossing -- everything on the level! -Hildy, from this time on no tricks, no double-crossing -- everything on the level! You're not fooling anybody. -How about Bruce's? Walter, you can't do that! -Walter, you can't do that! "Sure, I can. Look at the policy I gave him! ""With this ring I thee wed and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: And thereto I plight thee my troth.""" -Hildy, darling! Yes -- 'Hildy, darling'. I'm just a fool. That's what I am. I know what it's going to be like. -Yes -- 'Hildy, darling'. I'm just a fool. That's what I am. I know what it's going to be like. It'll be Heaven! -It'll be Heaven! Sure, Heaven! You've probably thought up another coal mine to send me down in -- to get a new story for your paper! -But, Hildy -- I can explain -- You -- you!! -Louie, take this lady over to Polack Mike's and lock her up. See that she doesn't take to anyone on the way. What's that -- what's that? -Are you referring to me, Madam? You know you did! -Come on, Sheriff. We've got to get bail. I was in here -- and they had some kind of murderer in with them. They were hiding him! -Oh, dear! Oh, dear! You grey-haired old Judas! -You grey-haired old Judas! Let me out! Let me out of here! -Down Western Avenue. We were going sixty-five miles an hour. You know what I mean? Take that mush out of your mouth! -Butter-fingers! I give you an old lady to take somewhere, and you hand her over to the cops! What do you mean, I handed her? The patrol wagon was on the wrong side of the street. -What do you mean, I handed her? The patrol wagon was on the wrong side of the street. Now everything's fine. She's probably squawking her head off in some police station. -Now everything's fine. She's probably squawking her head off in some police station. I don't think she's talking much... You know what I mean? -You stay here. I'll find out everything. Western an' Thirty-fourth. -Anything you want, Boss. Beat it out and get hold of some guys. -Beat it out and get hold of some guys. Who do you want? -Who do you want? Anybody with hair on his chest. Get 'em off the street -- anywhere. Offer them anything -- only get them. We've got to get this desk out of here. -You know me. The shirt off my back. You got plenty of money? -You got plenty of money? Sure, boss. -Sure, boss. I mean real money -- not counterfeit! -I mean real money -- not counterfeit! I always have both. -Walter! I'm busy, Duffy. -I'm busy, Duffy. Well, you're not too busy to know that the Governor hasn't signed that reprieve! -Well, you're not too busy to know that the Governor hasn't signed that reprieve! What? -What? And that means Earl Williams dies tomorrow morning and makes a sucker out of us! -And that means Earl Williams dies tomorrow morning and makes a sucker out of us! You're crazy. Where's Mac? -You're crazy. Where's Mac? He's on my phone. He just called me. -He's on my phone. He just called me. They can't do that to me! -Don't blame me. I'm City Editor in name only. You do all the hiring around here. Yeah! Well, I do the firing, too. Remember that, Duffy, and Keep a civil tongue in your head. -Here's that certified check, Walter. I drew out my wife's savings, and if this isn't back by 5:30 I'm a ruined man! Don't worry, Duffy, you'll have it back by five. Thanks, Duffy. Stick around. -Hello, Hildy! What are you doing around here? I want to interview Earl Williams, Warden. How about a little service? -I want to interview Earl Williams, Warden. How about a little service? No more interviews. Besides, a doctor's coming over. -Say, isn't this your twenty dollars? I think it is. -I think it is. I thought so. Come on, I'm in a hurry. -Cooley, I want to talk to you. Hildy -- I can't. I'm busy -- I -- Let me up, Hildy. Earl Williams has escaped -- -There's money in it, Cooley. I can't Hildy. It means my job! It means -- -I can't Hildy. It means my job! It means -- A lot of money. Four hundred and fifty dollars -- -How much? Four hundred and fifty dollars. Is it a deal? -Four hundred and fifty dollars. Is it a deal? It's a deal. Let me up. -Let's see the money. First we talk. How did Earl Williams get that gun? -The newspapers! Sheriff, they're the scum of modern civilization. You said it! -You said it! They're always after me for interviews. -They're always after me for interviews. Me, too. -Me, too. Of course, I sort of promised them I would give out a statement when I got through here. You don't mind? -Of course, I sort of promised them I would give out a statement when I got through here. You don't mind? Well, I don't know if that's ethical. You see, all statements are supposed to come from me. -Well, I don't know if that's ethical. You see, all statements are supposed to come from me. We'll have to satisfy them. What would you say to giving them a joint interview? I could give them some of the psychological aspects of the case and you could give them the legal aspects. -We'll have to satisfy them. What would you say to giving them a joint interview? I could give them some of the psychological aspects of the case and you could give them the legal aspects. A joint interview, eh? That might be all right. We could have our pictures taken together, Doctor. -A joint interview, eh? That might be all right. We could have our pictures taken together, Doctor. Yes, shaking hands. I don't take a very good picture, though. -Yes, shaking hands. I don't take a very good picture, though. It doesn't matter. The publicity's the main thing. -It doesn't matter. The publicity's the main thing. Yes, I suppose so. It all helps. -I don't know -- Come, come, Sheriff, lightning doesn't strike in the same place twice. Nothing's going to happen. -Are you gentlemen all through with me? Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you were here. No, Mr. Williams, we still have some questions for you. Sheriff, will you kindly extinguish the lights? -You know you are to be executed, Mr. Williams. Who do you feel is responsible for that? The system. But I'm not afraid to die, Doctor. I'm dying for what I believe. -The system. But I'm not afraid to die, Doctor. I'm dying for what I believe. I see. You realize, however, that you committed a crime? -I see. You realize, however, that you committed a crime? In a legal sense, yes. But not actually. Actually, I'm innocent. I didn't do anything. -Now, the Sheriff will be Mollie Malloy, in whose room you were. You will be Earl Williams. And I will be the policeman. Follow me, Mr. Williams? Yes, sir. -So -- now I say to you: 'Earl Williams, you are under arrest!' and you point your gun at me. Well, it wasn't exactly that way -- -Well, it wasn't exactly that way -- Point the gun at me! -Well, that about covers everything. Good. Now I want to ask you fellows a couple of questions. Did Earl Williams know what he was doing when he fired that gun? -Say, that's old Prissy Bensinger's desk. I know, I just want to give him a thrill. -I call. What you got? Three bullets! Any good? -Three bullets! Any good? Beats king up. -Who locked the door? Just a second, Mike --- Mollie, I got it! -Open up there, will you! All right -- all right! -Hey! Mollie, drop down here! You've fainted! -Kind of exclusive, ain't you? We got calls to make, you know. Run down and get some smelling salts, will you? -Mollie Malloy -- what happened to her? Came up here -- had hysterics and passed out. I've been trying to get her to come to. -She looks as though she's going to come to. Give me a hand with her, will you? -Give me a hand with her, will you? Okay. Up you go, Mollie. -A fine bunch of reporters. Biggest story in two years and they're too lazy to go after it. It's easy for you to talk. You're retired. We're still working. -Better let us in on it, Mollie. Aw, why don't you let her alone? She's ill! -That must be the tenth alienist they've had on Williams. Even if he wasn't crazy before, he would be after ten of those babies got through psychoanalyzing him. Gimme the desk. This Egelhoffer's pretty good. -This Egelhoffer's pretty good. Yeah? What did he ever do for his country? -Yeah? What did he ever do for his country? Don't you remember? He's the guy went to Washington to interview the Brain Trust, and gave out a statement that they were all sane. It created a sensation! -Trouble is, when the Red Menace shows up the Sheriff will still be crying 'Wolf!' What have you got, Hildy? -Well, a guy can win when Hildy ain't around. Who's this guy she's gonna marry? -She says she's gonna write fiction. Well, if she's gonna write fiction, there's nothing like being a reporter. -You guys wanna play some more poker? What's the use? I can't win a pot. -Boy, did you see her go? Lioness Rushes to Defense of Cub. -No, I tell you! Nobody knows where he got it. The Crime Commission has offered a reward of ten thousand dollars for Williams' capture. -The Crime Commission has offered a reward of ten thousand dollars for Williams' capture. Call you back. -So have we! What's the dope, Sheriff? -What's the dope, Sheriff? Who engineered this getaway? -Say, Hildy, if I know you, you sound pretty anxious to get rid of us. Are you trying to scoop us or something? Something smells around here. If you ask me Mollie gave her the story on how Williams got that gun. Did you smuggle that gun into Williams, Mollie? -Oh, you two are pals now -- I think you're right, Endicott. Mollie did give her some kind of story. I tell you, it's a screwy set-up. We better hold onto 'em both. -Come on, you! Before we slap you down. Do you want us to call the cops and have them give you the boots? -Do you want us to call the cops and have them give you the boots? Where is he, before we beat it out of you? -Come on, Pinky! Give 'em a little third degree. Make them talk and you got Williams, Pinky! -Hold the phone! I'll have it in a minute. -I'll call. Three sixes. Is that any good? -Goodbye, Yonson. So long, Hildy. -What a chase! No luck on Williams, yet -- call you back. -You ain't gettin' out o' here! Now, where is he? -We know what you're up to. Probably goin' out to get Williams. -How's everything, Gus? I can't complain. -Oh -- I'll take the same, I guess. And coffee. Little rum in yours, too? -Little rum in yours, too? I guess so. -No -- just coffee, Gus. Just coffee. And you, sir? -Oh, I'm sorry, Gus! My foot must have slipped. That's all right. -Gus, this -- Good coffee, isn't it? -Same way you did. Through that gate. I gave strict orders that nobody was to interview Williams without my permission. -I gave strict orders that nobody was to interview Williams without my permission. All right, then, I'll just run the story that Sheriff Hartman is afraid to let reporters interview his prisoner. Of course, with election coming, that might do you a lot of harm, but just as you say. -All right, then, I'll just run the story that Sheriff Hartman is afraid to let reporters interview his prisoner. Of course, with election coming, that might do you a lot of harm, but just as you say. Now, wait a minute! I'm not afraid of anything. What were you going to write about Williams? -Now, wait a minute! I'm not afraid of anything. What were you going to write about Williams? Oh, nothing much. Just that the state had proved he was sane -- and he admits it himself. If you don't want me to run it -- -Oh, nothing much. Just that the state had proved he was sane -- and he admits it himself. If you don't want me to run it -- Oh, that'll be all right, Hildy. Go ahead, run it. And you can say I treated him well, too. 'Lo, Earl. How are you feeling? -No, thanks Sheriff. I'm leaving town tonight. You ought to stay over. You always wrote a good hanging story, Hildy. -You ought to stay over. You always wrote a good hanging story, Hildy. That's awful kind of you, Sheriff. I've got to get started on my interview. See you later. -Just a minute, Johnson! Let go o' me. What's the idea? -Take your paws off me! Hold her, boys! -Let me go! Fellows, something's happened to my mother-in-law. Hang onto her! Keep her in here! -I don't know anything, I tell you. There's been an accident. Johnson, there's something very peculiar going on. -Johnson, there's something very peculiar going on. You can send somebody with me if you don't believe me! -You can send somebody with me if you don't believe me! I wasn't born yesterday. Now the boys tell me you and this Mollie Malloy -- -I wasn't born yesterday. Now the boys tell me you and this Mollie Malloy -- Nobody's trying to put anything over on you. I'm getting out of here and you can't stop me! -Johnson, I'm going to the bottom of this. What do you know about Williams? Are you going to talk or aren't you? What do I know about Williams? -What do I know about Williams? All right, boys. Take her along. I got ways of making her talk. -Where'd you get this? I've got a right to carry a gun if I want to. -I've got a right to carry a gun if I want to. Not this gun! -He went over to the hospital to call on Professor Egelhoffer. What? -What? With a bag of marshmallows. -He's harmless. Don't take any chances. Shoot through the desk. -Don't take any chances. Shoot through the desk. He can't hurt anybody. You've got his gun. -That's murder! All right! Carl! Frank! One of you get on each side of the desk. Take hold of the cover. -If the Mayor wants me, he knows where I am. This tear bomb went off unexpectedly in the hands of Sheriff Hartman's Bombing Squad. -This tear bomb went off unexpectedly in the hands of Sheriff Hartman's Bombing Squad. What went off? -What went off? Four of Mr. Hartman's Deputy Sheriffs were rushed to the hospital -- -Four of Mr. Hartman's Deputy Sheriffs were rushed to the hospital -- A fine fair-weather friend you are! -A fine fair-weather friend you are! The names are Merwyn D. Mayor, who is the Mayor's brother-in-law -- -The names are Merwyn D. Mayor, who is the Mayor's brother-in-law -- After all I've done for you -- -After all I've done for you -- Howard Shenken, the Sheriff's uncle on his mother's side -- -Where is he? Where he used to live. You can catch the Riot Squad -- it's just going out. -I'm Sheriff Hartman. You want me? You're certainly a hard fellow to find, Sheriff. -For who? Earl Williams. The reprieve. -Read it! Insane, he says. He knows very well that Williams ain't insane! Yeah. But I -- -Well, wait a minute, will you? I'm in conference. No, I couldn't do that. -Just one second -- That's good, because my health ain't what it used to be. -Pete, I want to talk to you! I ain't got time, Fred, honest. I'll see you after. -I ain't got time, Fred, honest. I'll see you after. Did you actually give Williams that gun? -Did you actually give Williams that gun? The professor asked me for it -- I thought it was for something scientific! -The professor asked me for it -- I thought it was for something scientific! Pete, I've got a mighty unpleasant task to perf -- -Now, listen, Fred. Just give me a few hours before you make any decisions. I'll get results. I'm doing everything humanly possible. I've just sworn in four hundred deputies. Four hundred! Do you want to bankrupt this administration? -Four hundred! Do you want to bankrupt this administration? I'm getting them for twelve dollars a night. -I'm getting them for twelve dollars a night. Twelve dollars! -- For those rheumatic uncles of yours? Out shooting everybody they see for the fun of it? -Twelve dollars! -- For those rheumatic uncles of yours? Out shooting everybody they see for the fun of it? If you're talking about my brother- in-law, he's worked for the city fifteen years. -Pete, you're through! What do you mean -- through? -What do you mean -- through? I mean I'm scratching your name off the ticket Tuesday and running Czernecki in your place. It's nothing personal. And, Pete -- it's the only way out. It's a sacrifice we all ought to be glad to make. -I mean I'm scratching your name off the ticket Tuesday and running Czernecki in your place. It's nothing personal. And, Pete -- it's the only way out. It's a sacrifice we all ought to be glad to make. Fred! -Fred! Now, Pete! Please don't appeal to my Sentimental side. -Now, Pete! Please don't appeal to my Sentimental side. Fred, I don't know what to say. A thing like this almost destroys a man's faith in human nature. -Fred, I don't know what to say. A thing like this almost destroys a man's faith in human nature. I wish you wouldn't talk like that, Pete. -I wish you wouldn't talk like that, Pete. Our families, Fred. I've always looked on Bessie as my own sister. -Our families, Fred. I've always looked on Bessie as my own sister. If there was any way out... -That gives you an idea of what I'm up against! We're up against a lot more than that with that nutty slogan you invented: 'Reform the Reds With a Rope'. -Williams ain't a Red, and you know it! Well, there's a lot of Communistic sympathizers around -- -Well, there's a lot of Communistic sympathizers around -- I know it! But they've got nothing to do with this case! Do you realize there are two hundred thousand votes at stake and unless we hang Earl Williams we're going to lose 'em? -I know it! But they've got nothing to do with this case! Do you realize there are two hundred thousand votes at stake and unless we hang Earl Williams we're going to lose 'em? But we're going to hang him, Fred. He can't get away. -The Governor gave me his word of honor he wouldn't interfere. Two days ago! And you fell for it, Pete. It frightens me what I'd like to do to you. Who else knows about this? -Pure politics! An attempt to ruin us! -Dementia praecox Oh-h-h! We got to think fast before those lying reporters get hold of this. What'll we tell 'em? -We got to think fast before those lying reporters get hold of this. What'll we tell 'em? Tell 'em the party is through in this State on account of you. -Tell 'em the party is through in this State on account of you. Ah, Fred -- Hello... this is Hartman -- -Ah, Fred -- Hello... this is Hartman -- And you can tell 'em as an afterthought that I want your resignation now! -And you can tell 'em as an afterthought that I want your resignation now! Sssh. Wait, Fred. What?... Where?... Where? Holy Moses! -Sssh. Wait, Fred. What?... Where?... Where? Holy Moses! What is it? -What is it? They got him! Wait a minute -- hold the wire. They got Earl Williams surrounded -- the Riot Squad has -- in his house. -They got him! Wait a minute -- hold the wire. They got Earl Williams surrounded -- the Riot Squad has -- in his house. Tell 'em to hold the wire. -Tell 'em to hold the wire. I did. Hold the wire. -I did. Hold the wire. Cover up that transmitter! -No -- don't out me off. How would you like to have a job for three hundred and fifty dollars a month. That's almost a hundred dollars a week! -Hold your horses -- will you, Olsen? Hurry up, Fred! Now what do you say? -We'll fix that, too. Just -- one -- second! -All right. Tell 'em to shoot to kill. What? -What? Shoot to kill, I said. -Shoot to kill, I said. I don't know, Fred. There's that reprieve if they ever find out. -I don't know, Fred. There's that reprieve if they ever find out. Nobody reprieved that policeman he murdered. Now, do as I tell you. -Nobody reprieved that policeman he murdered. Now, do as I tell you. Hello, Olsen... Listen... Shoot to kill... That's the orders pass the word along... No! We dont want him! And listen, Olsen, five- hundred bucks for the guy that does the job... Yes, I'll be right out there. Well, I hope that's the right thing to do. -Hello, Olsen... Listen... Shoot to kill... That's the orders pass the word along... No! We dont want him! And listen, Olsen, five- hundred bucks for the guy that does the job... Yes, I'll be right out there. Well, I hope that's the right thing to do. Now take that guilty look off your face, Pete -- and stop trembling like a horse. -Now take that guilty look off your face, Pete -- and stop trembling like a horse. If we didn't have election Tuesday I'd have this on my conscience. -Fine work, Pete! You certainly delivered the goods. I'm proud of you. Look kind o' natural, don't they, Fred? -Look kind o' natural, don't they, Fred? A sight for sore eyes! -A sight for sore eyes! Aiding an escaped criminal! And a little charge of kidnapping I'm looking into. But that's the jail! There must be somebody there! -Aiding an escaped criminal! And a little charge of kidnapping I'm looking into. But that's the jail! There must be somebody there! Well! Looks like about ten years apiece for you birds! -Who is this man? Throw him out, Frank. -You drunken idiot! Arrest him! The idea of coming here with a cock-and- bull story like that! It's a frame-up! Some imposter! -That's a lie!! I never saw him before! -Take those handcuffs off our friends, Pete. That wasn't at all necessary. I was just going to! -Walter, I can't tell you how badly I feel about this. There was no excuse for Hartwell to fly off the handle. I was only doing my duty. Nothing personal in it. -And so do I! So do you what, you hoodoo! And now, Mr. Pinkus, if you'll come with us, we'll take you over to the Warden's office and deliver this reprieve. -Fine, thanks, Sheriff. That's good, Earl. Oh, they've got another alienist to see you. He ought to be here any minute. Don't go to sleep, will you? -That's good, Earl. Oh, they've got another alienist to see you. He ought to be here any minute. Don't go to sleep, will you? I won't. -I won't. Hildy, how'd you like a couple of tickets for the hanging? -I hope you're pretty nearly through with me, Doctor, I'm getting a little fatigued. Yeah, you don't want to tire him out, Doctor. -Got you, Williams! Go on -- shoot me! -Let him out of here, Lieutenant. But, Hildy, I can't. He's accused of stealing a watch. And they found the watch on him. -But, Hildy, I can't. He's accused of stealing a watch. And they found the watch on him. And who accused him? Diamond Louis! One of the worst crooks in town! Why don't you arrest Louis instead of innocent people that he frames? -And who accused him? Diamond Louis! One of the worst crooks in town! Why don't you arrest Louis instead of innocent people that he frames? Now, Hildy -- -Now, Hildy -- Don't Hildy me! Are you going to let him out? -Don't Hildy me! Are you going to let him out? I can't. -I can't. All right. You can't. But tomorrow the Post will run the story of that roulette game on 43rd Street that your brother-in-law runs. And we'll print that you get five hundred a month for forgetting about it! -All right. You can't. But tomorrow the Post will run the story of that roulette game on 43rd Street that your brother-in-law runs. And we'll print that you get five hundred a month for forgetting about it! Now, Hildy, don't be hasty! I can't let him out. -Now, Hildy, don't be hasty! I can't let him out. You can let him out on bail, can't you? -You can let him out on bail, can't you? Five hundred dollars. -Five hundred dollars. You'll take fifty and like it! -You'll take fifty and like it! Well, all right. But I'm liable to get into a jam. -Oh, I ain't doing that any more. I'm retired. I'm one of you fellas now -- a newspaper man. Editorials? -Wait a minute, Walter. You can't do that! My name is Louis Peluso. -Where's the old lady? I'm telling you! -We run smack into a police patrol. You know what I mean? We broke it in half! Oh-h-h... was she hurt? -I'm telling you. Can you imagine bumping into a load of cops?! They come rollin' out like oranges! What did you do with her? -What did you do with her? Search me! When I come to I was running down Thirty-fifth Street. -Search me! When I come to I was running down Thirty-fifth Street. -- You were with her. You were in the cab, weren't you? --- You were with her. You were in the cab, weren't you? Was I? The driver got knocked cold. -Nobody's going to rush me into anything! You keep away from me! All right, Judge. -Gentlemen of the Press! Always picking on somebody who can't defend himself -- the littler the better. Phone for you, Hildy. -Phone for you, Hildy. Who is it? -Who is it? Oh, some insurance man. Are you in? -Oh, some insurance man. Are you in? Give me that! -There goes another scrub lady. I'll go right after it. -Well, anyhow, I won't be covering stuff like this any more. What's the matter? Getting yellow? -It's getting so a girl can't step out of the room without being discussed by a bunch of old ladies. Hello, Post... Mr. Walter Burns, please. Well, Hildy, we were only saying that a swell reporter like you wouldn't give this up so easily. -Well, Hildy, we were only saying that a swell reporter like you wouldn't give this up so easily. "This is Hildy Johnson... Oh, I can give it up all right. Without a single quiver. I'm going to live like a human being -- not like you rats. Oh, is that you, Walter dear? Oh, I didn't mean ""dear."" That was just habit, I guess. Oh, be yourself, Walter. I've got some news for you... Yes, I got the interview, but I've got some news that's more important." -Hello, Mr. Burns. Yes, she's still here. I'll take it. What's the matter, Mr. Burns -- don't you understand English? -- Why, your language is shocking, Mr. Burns -- positively shocking! I don't mind because I was married to you and know what to expect, but suppose Central is listening in... Oh, did you hear that, Central? We ought to report him, don't you think?... Oh, fooey on you! -Any news? Yeah. I was never so tired in my life. -You fight it cut. And up a dime. -I don't know why you boys are so good to me. Your poker's improved a lot, Hildy. Lend me two bucks, will you? -Your poker's improved a lot, Hildy. Lend me two bucks, will you? Nothing doing. I'm playing for keeps. -Certified, eh? Who is it -- your milkman? But, Bruce, don't keep it in your wallet!... Well, you see -- -- there's an old newspaper superstition that the first big check you get you -- you put in the lining of your hat. That brings you good luck for ten years. -But, Bruce, don't keep it in your wallet!... Well, you see -- -- there's an old newspaper superstition that the first big check you get you -- you put in the lining of your hat. That brings you good luck for ten years. Say, I've been a reporter twenty years and never heard any hooey like that. Where'd you get it? -Say, I've been a reporter twenty years and never heard any hooey like that. Where'd you get it? I made it up just now, and who's asking you? I know it's silly, honey, but do it for me, won't you?... Yes, right now. -Hello, Hildy. I thought you were gone. I thought so, too. -Did you get that, Hildy? No -- what? -If Walter Burns calls, hold the wire for me, will you? I'll be right back. Okay, Hildy. Well, we can't get any official statement -- -Okay. Forget it. What's the matter with you boys? Afraid it might rain? If you want to go, I'll cover this end. -Look out, you -- What's the use of fighting, Hildy? -Have you got my dough? Oh, sure. The boss sent me over with it. Four hundred dollars, wasn't it? -Oh, sure. The boss sent me over with it. Four hundred dollars, wasn't it? Four hundred and fifty and I'll cut your throat if you try any tricks! -Four hundred and fifty and I'll cut your throat if you try any tricks! All right, all right. You can't blame a guy for tryin', can you? -All right, all right. You can't blame a guy for tryin', can you? Come on with that money! -Come on with that money! First you got to sign a receipt. -First you got to sign a receipt. Where's the money? -Where's the money? Keep your shirt on. I got it -- right here. One hundred -- two hundred -- three hundred -- four hundred -- and fifty. Now sign. -Keep your shirt on. I got it -- right here. One hundred -- two hundred -- three hundred -- four hundred -- and fifty. Now sign. Here! -Here! Thanks. So long, Hildy! -Thanks. So long, Hildy! So long, nothing! Where's Bruce Baldwin's wallet? -So long, nothing! Where's Bruce Baldwin's wallet? Huh? -Huh? None of that innocent stuff, you double-crossing hyena! You stuck Bruce Baldwin in jail this afternoon on a phony charge that he swiped your watch, and you frisked his wallet! Now, give me that wallet or I'll stick you in jail and it won't be on any phony charge either! It'll be for life! -None of that innocent stuff, you double-crossing hyena! You stuck Bruce Baldwin in jail this afternoon on a phony charge that he swiped your watch, and you frisked his wallet! Now, give me that wallet or I'll stick you in jail and it won't be on any phony charge either! It'll be for life! Now don't get excited, Hildy! I don't know what you're talking about -- but is this Mr. Baldwin's wallet? -You know it is! I didn't frisk him. He must have dropped it in Burns' office. I didn't know whose it was. -I didn't frisk him. He must have dropped it in Burns' office. I didn't know whose it was. No -- and you don't know that your cheap boss has had Mr. Baldwin arrested again -- do you? -No -- and you don't know that your cheap boss has had Mr. Baldwin arrested again -- do you? What -- already? Why, the dame left only a minute before I did! -Kings and sixes. That's good. -That's good. 'Kings and sixes The pot affixes'... Poetry. I learned that at my grandma's knee. -Any dope yet on how he got out? From all I can get the Sheriff let him out so's he could vote for him. -Hildy, I thought you were gone -- Well -- I was going, but Mollie fainted away and I thought I ought to do what I could. -Well -- I was going, but Mollie fainted away and I thought I ought to do what I could. Some Hallowe'en goin' on outside. The whole police force standing on it's ear. -Hiding him where? Mother! -Mother! Don't you mother me! Playing cat-and- mouse with my poor boy! Keeping him looked up -- making us miss two trains -- and supposed to be married tomorrow! -Don't you mother me! Playing cat-and- mouse with my poor boy! Keeping him looked up -- making us miss two trains -- and supposed to be married tomorrow! Mother, I can explain everything. I'll go with you in five minutes and -- -Mother, I can explain everything. I'll go with you in five minutes and -- You don't have to go with me at all! Just give me my son's money and you can stay here forever as far as I'm concerned. Stay with that murderer you caught! -I don't know what she's talking about. I never said any such thing. I'm quoting my son, and he has never lied to me. -Mother! That man there! -That man there! Mother! Oh, I'm so glad to see you! Are you all right? Tell me. -I couldn't plead insanity, because you see I'm just as sane as anybody else. You didn't mean to kill that policeman? -You didn't mean to kill that policeman? Of course not. I couldn't kill anybody -- it's against everything I've ever stood for. They know it was an accident. They're not hanging me for that -- they're hanging me for my beliefs. -Of course not. I couldn't kill anybody -- it's against everything I've ever stood for. They know it was an accident. They're not hanging me for that -- they're hanging me for my beliefs. What are your beliefs, Earl? -What are your beliefs, Earl? They're very simple. I believe in the Golden Rule. I'm not the first man to die for preaching it. But if they would only listen to it -- we could have a fine, decent world instead of this mass of hate that makes man do such cruel things. -They're very simple. I believe in the Golden Rule. I'm not the first man to die for preaching it. But if they would only listen to it -- we could have a fine, decent world instead of this mass of hate that makes man do such cruel things. How would you go about applying the Golden Rule, Earl? -How would you go about applying the Golden Rule, Earl? I'd do away with the profit system and have production for use only. There's enough food and clothing and shelter for everybody if we'd use some sense. -I'd do away with the profit system and have production for use only. There's enough food and clothing and shelter for everybody if we'd use some sense. """Production for use only."" Well, maybe that's the answer." -"""Production for use only."" Well, maybe that's the answer." It's the only answer. Everything has a use and if we let it be used for its purpose, we could solve all our problems. Food was meant to be eaten, not stored away in restaurants while poor people starved; clothing was meant to be worn, not piled up in stores while people went naked. Doesn't that make sense? -It's the only answer. Everything has a use and if we let it be used for its purpose, we could solve all our problems. Food was meant to be eaten, not stored away in restaurants while poor people starved; clothing was meant to be worn, not piled up in stores while people went naked. Doesn't that make sense? Yes, that makes a lot of sense, Earl. -A gun? Why -- to shoot, of course. Is that how you came to shoot the policeman? -Is that how you came to shoot the policeman? Sure. You see, I'd never had a gun in my hand before and I didn't know what to do with it. Well, when I get stuck, I know that there's an answer for everything in production for use. So it came to me in a flash: what's a gun for? To shoot! So I shot. Simple isn't it? -Sure. You see, I'd never had a gun in my hand before and I didn't know what to do with it. Well, when I get stuck, I know that there's an answer for everything in production for use. So it came to me in a flash: what's a gun for? To shoot! So I shot. Simple isn't it? Very simple, Earl. -Very simple, Earl. There's nothing crazy about that, is there? -There's nothing crazy about that, is there? No, Earl, not at all. Who sent you the flowers, Earl? -No, Earl, not at all. Who sent you the flowers, Earl? Miss Mollie Malloy. She's a wonderful person. -Miss Mollie Malloy. She's a wonderful person. Isn't that her picture? -Isn't that her picture? Yes. Isn't she beautiful? -Don't forget about production for use. I won't, Earl. -You're not going to phone anybody where I am. Put down that gun, Earl. -"You're not going to shoot me, Earl. I'm your friend, remember? I've got to write that story about your ""Production for Use""." Yes -- that's right. Production for use. -Earl, you don't want to hurt your friends, do you? Don't move! -Maybe you're my friend and maybe you're not -- but don't come any nearer. You can't trust anybody in this crazy world. Say, I'll bet I could shoot you from here. Sure you could, Earl -- but you wouldn't want to do that, would you? You wouldn't want to kill anybody. -Sure you could, Earl -- but you wouldn't want to do that, would you? You wouldn't want to kill anybody. No, no, you're right. I don't want to kill anybody. All I want to do is be let alone. -Earl, there's just one thing I ought to clear up for the interview. What's that? Only -- you're getting too near. I don't trust anybody. -What's that? Only -- you're getting too near. I don't trust anybody. I don't blame you, Earl. If I were in your place I wouldn't trust anybody, either. -I don't blame you, Earl. If I were in your place I wouldn't trust anybody, either. Keep away! -Earl, you must never do that again. Oh, I'm awful tired. I couldn't go through another day like this. -Oh, I'm awful tired. I couldn't go through another day like this. Well, maybe you think I could! -Don't talk too loud. Wakin' me up in the middle of the night -- talkin' to me about things they don't understand. Callin' me a Bolshevik. I'm an anarchist. It's got nothin' to do with bombs. It's the philosophy that guarantees every man freedom. You see that, don't you? -Wakin' me up in the middle of the night -- talkin' to me about things they don't understand. Callin' me a Bolshevik. I'm an anarchist. It's got nothin' to do with bombs. It's the philosophy that guarantees every man freedom. You see that, don't you? Sure I do, Earl. -Quiet, Mollie, quiet! Don't cry, Mollie, there's nothing to cry about. -Don't cry, Mollie, there's nothing to cry about. How'd you get here, Earl? -How'd you get here, Earl? Down the drainpipe. I didn't mean to shoot him. You believe me, don't you, Mollie? -Stop screaming, Mollie or we're sunk. I'm trying to think of something before those reporters get back. Let 'em take me. It's better that way. -What good'll it do? We'll get you out in ten minutes. -Come on, Mollie. This is no place for you. They're not human! -They're not human! They're newspaper men, Mollie. They can't help themselves. The Lord made them that way. -They're newspaper men, Mollie. They can't help themselves. The Lord made them that way. It wasn't the Lord! It was the devil! -Where are they gone? You know where they are? Wait a minute, Mollie. -They got him surrounded some place -- gonna shoot him like a dog! Mollie, they haven't got him. You gotta help me, Mollie! We've got to do something! -Mollie, they haven't got him. You gotta help me, Mollie! We've got to do something! What do you mean? -What's that? Quiet, Mollie! -Quiet, Mollie! There's somethin' funny going on around here. -They'll get him! They'll get him! Ssh! -I'm coming! Keep dead quiet. Don't even breathe. I'll be right here. I won't leave you. -What's the idea? Never mind! Just play dead. -Hey -- Shut up, you! -Are you all right, now? Yeah, I'm feelin' fine. -What do you want? I'm a messenger at the State House. This is from the Governor. -I'm a messenger at the State House. This is from the Governor. What's from the Governor? -What's from the Governor? The reprieve for Earl Williams. -They were all standing around when he wrote it. It was after they got back from fishing. Get the Governor on the phone! -Get the Governor on the phone! You can't get him on the phone. He's out duckshooting now. -You can't get him on the phone. He's out duckshooting now. Fishing! Duckshooting! How do you like that. A guy does nothing more strenuous for forty years than play pinochle -- he gets elected Governor and right away he thinks he's Tarzan! -Now, listen! You never arrived here with this -- reprieve. Get it? Yes, I did, just now. Don't you remember? -Yes, I did, just now. Don't you remember? How much do you make a week? -How much do you make a week? Huh? -Huh? How much do you make a week? What's your salary? -How much do you make a week? What's your salary? Forty dollars. -Who? Me? Who do you think! -Now, listen. There's a fine opening for a fellow like you in the City Sealer's office. The what? -The what? The City Sealer's office! -The City Sealer's office! You mean here in the city? -You mean here in the city? Yes, yes! -Why not? I couldn't work in the city. You see, I've got my family in the country. -I couldn't work in the city. You see, I've got my family in the country. But you could bring 'em in here! We'll pay all your expenses. -But you could bring 'em in here! We'll pay all your expenses. No, I don't think so. -No, I don't think so. For heaven's sake, why not? -For heaven's sake, why not? I got two kids going to school there, and if I changed them from one town to another, they'd lose a grade. -I got two kids going to school there, and if I changed them from one town to another, they'd lose a grade. No, they wouldn't -- they'd gain one! And I guarantee that they'll graduate with highest honors! -No, they wouldn't -- they'd gain one! And I guarantee that they'll graduate with highest honors! Yeah? -This puts me in a peculiar hole. No, it doesn't. Now, remember: you never delivered this. You got caught in the traffic, or something. Now, get out of here and don't let anybody see you. -No, it doesn't. Now, remember: you never delivered this. You got caught in the traffic, or something. Now, get out of here and don't let anybody see you. But how do I know...? -But how do I know...? Come in and see me in my office tomorrow. What's your name? -Come in and see me in my office tomorrow. What's your name? Pinkus. -Pinkus. All right, Mr. Pinkus, all you've got to do is lay low and keep your mouth shut. Here! Go to this address. It's a nice, homey little place, and they'll take care of you for the night. Just tell 'em Fred sent you. And here's fifty dollars on account. -You forgot to tell me what a City Sealer has to do. I'll explain it tomorrow! -I'll explain it tomorrow! Is it hard? -Is it hard? No! It's easy -- it's very easy! -Get out of here! You can't bribe me! -They wouldn't take it. You're insane! -Here's the picture of my wife. A very fine-looking women. -A very fine-looking women. She's good enough for me! And if I was to go home and tell my wife -- -She's good enough for me! And if I was to go home and tell my wife -- I understand perfectly, Mr. Pinkus, and as long as I am Mayor -- -If you ask us, no. If you ask the state alienists, the answer is yes. It's a simple story. Earl Williams works for the E.J. McClosky Manufacturing Company as a bookkeeper for fourteen years. He starts in at twenty dollars a week and gradually works his way up to twenty-two fifty. A year ago the McClosky Company goes out of business and Williams loses his job. Take it away, Fred Wilson! -Well, well -- Miss Mollie Malloy. Hello, Mollie. -Look out! Look out where you're aiming, will you? -Sure, Mollie, you never looked better in your life. Yeah, hold the line. Hey, this looks good. An old lady just called the detective bureau and claims Williams is hiding in her cellar. Well - we've looked every other place. Want to go out on it? -Get the cops, somebody. Come on, fellas. -There she is! Say, Hildy... -What's your hurry? We want to see you. -Williams put up a desperate struggle but the police overpowered -- -- tried to shoot it out with the cops but his gun wouldn't work, so -- -Well -- Williams goes a little balmy and begins making speeches on a plan he's got to save the world. Only he makes his speeches, usually, on a very busy street and neglects to get a license for it. Well, the cops let him alone as much as they can because he's harmless and they're kinda sorry for him. But one day he decides to hold a meeting right in the middle of a Veteran's Parade and the cops chase him. He gets scared and goes into hiding. Come in, Dave Schwartz. His Honor, the Mayor, now comes out with a statement that Earl Williams is a dangerous character in the employ of two or three foreign governments and the police are going to get him dead or alive. Somebody sends out a tip that this guy is hiding in Molly Malloy's joint. And this colored policeman, Daniels, goes over to pick Williams up. Williams has read the papers, thinks the cop is going to kill him and shoots first. That is all. -Baldwin -- his name is. I give that marriage six months. -Who? Hildy Johnson? She just stepped out. She'll be back in a second. Who? Oh, Mr. Baldwin. Well, if you'll hang on a minute, she ought to be right in. All right. Baldwin. The blushing bridegroom -- himself. -Baldwin. The blushing bridegroom -- himself. What's he want? -What's he want? Wants Hildy -- and sounds very excited. -The door was locked. She and Mollie were talking. -What's that? Henry Chapman's daughter. It was Sheila. I remember her from last year. -Henry Chapman's daughter. It was Sheila. I remember her from last year. So it was. Sheila. This boy will go far. -Can I try? Put your hand on mine, get the knack of it. -Never let a rat creep up on you. I think you hit him, Grandpa. He was limping when he ran off. -That was a googly! I know. -I know. You're a dark horse, bowling googlies at your age. Toss me up another. -You're a dark horse, bowling googlies at your age. Toss me up another. No, you're out, Grandpa. It's my turn. -Want to know why they're called Faith, Hope, Grace and Charity? Why? -Why? Your grandmother. She named them after virtues I lack. That's marriage for you. -This is going too far, young man. But Grandpa, you said... -But Grandpa, you said... I concede I was insistent, but how the Devil... -Give him the you-know-what. Very well, Grandpa. -You miserable little tripe-hound. I'm the one who should be fed up, sacrificing my last sup of black market petrol to take you to school. I have to live in Rosehill Avenue as well. -I have to live in Rosehill Avenue as well. Only till they get you into the local school. -Only till they get you into the local school. With Mrs. Evans. I hate her. -With Mrs. Evans. I hate her. You'll be at home for the weekends. Now shut up, or walk. -It's true. You're much more convincing when you're making it up. -Grandpa, if you think of something hard enough, can you make it happen? Apparently so. -Pauline's mum got killed. No, she didn't. -No, she didn't. Yes, she did, didn't she? -What are you doing here? This is our territory Looking for shrapnel. -I never was. Yes, you was. Make him talk. -I know a secret. What's that? -What's that? The Germans are dropping men on bomb sites. -The Germans are dropping men on bomb sites. Who told you that? -"My uncle's in the War Office. He said, Don't go on the bomb sites. ""Boys are going missing all the time.""" They're not. -You want to join our gang? I don't mind. -I don't mind. Do you know any swear words? -Do you know any swear words? Yes. -Yes. Say them. -Well go on then. You can't join if you can't answer. I only know one. -That word is special. That word is only for something really important. Now, repeat after me... Bugger off. Bugger off. -Bugger off. Sod. -Sod. Sod. -Sod. Bloody. -Bloody. Bloody. -Bloody. Now put them together. Bugger off, you bloody sod. -Now put them together. Bugger off, you bloody sod. Bugger off, you bloody sod. -Bugger off, you bloody sod. OK. You're in. -They pulled them up from all the crossroads, so when the Germans land they'll lose their way. Won't they have maps? -Won't they have maps? They'll have to go to a shop to buy a map, stupid. Then they'll give zemselves avay viz ze vay zay tork. -He's never going to come back. He's gone off to be a soldier and Mummy doesn't even know. It doesn't matter, I can drive the car home. -It doesn't matter, I can drive the car home. You wouldn't. -You wouldn't. Would. -Would. You couldn't. -You couldn't. Could. -Go and ask her if she wants to play. Ask her yourself. -Ask her yourself. You do it. You're a girl. -Tell them about Pauline's mum. Not now. They wouldn't believe me. -Bruce, look! Dad got some German jam. We thought it was poison. -I suppose they're still learning, that's why they keep moving about. It's easy. I've done it. -It's easy. I've done it. Who with? -Who with? Pauline. -Pauline. Liar. Mummy keep still and Daddy moves on top of her. That's what they do when they know how. -I did see them. I did. He's the worst liar. -You're the biggest fibber. It's dinner time. It really is. Cross my heart. -The next one is ours. Either it hits us or it goes past us. ...and four and five... -...and four and five... Please God. Not on us. Drop it on Mrs. Evans. She's a cow. -Please God. Not on us. Drop it on Mrs. Evans. She's a cow. ...and six... -Can't we just see the end? They've got the real thing outside. -They've got the real thing outside. It's not the same. -Mind that shrapnel DAWN thrusts a brass regimental hat badge in BILL'S face. I'm starting my own collection. -I'm starting my own collection. It's Canadian. Where'd you get it? -Well, I'm not having any. Even if it's not poisoned. I don't think it's right. It's not patriotic. You don't like jam. You hate jam. You never eat jam. -You don't like jam. You hate jam. You never eat jam. That's not the point. -You did that for me, and on the last day of your holidays? Well, for the baby, really. -Well, for the baby, really. Thank you Billy, from the baby and me. -Crocodiles! Aah! The sodding water table. -But Dad, It's the News. Thanks, son. I can hear it. I'm not sleeping, just closing my eyes. -Now, the googly looks like a leg break, but it's really an off break. Got it? Like this. It's like telling fibs. -It's like telling fibs. That's it. When you tell a lie, you hope to get away with it. When someone else does, you want to find them out. A good batsman will spot a googly. A good bowler will hide it. Always remember that, son. -You said that last year, Dad. The land and the King are one, my son. If he stutters we falter. He's getting batter, and so are we. -What's that? Big Berthas, shelling France. Twenty-five-mile range, they have. -Big Berthas, shelling France. Twenty-five-mile range, they have. Wow! -Wow! They send over a few every day, to let them know we're still here. Each shell costs as much as a Ford 8. -They send over a few every day, to let them know we're still here. Each shell costs as much as a Ford 8. Who pays for them? -Who pays for them? We will, you will, for the rest of our lives? -It was great for me, how was it for you. A bit too quick. -A bit too quick. Well. Now we can do it slow. Are those some kind of stockings you're wearing? -Well. Now we can do it slow. Are those some kind of stockings you're wearing? They might be. -They might be. I mean, no suspenders. They just kinda' disappear up your ass. -Take it away. I know your husband's been away a long time, but.... Don't be so cheeky, Bruce. -Boy, that was some air-raid. Air-raid? -Air-raid? Didn't you feel the house rock? You must have seen all those shell bursts. -What is it? We're not supposed to say, but we're being shipped out tomorrow. -We're not supposed to say, but we're being shipped out tomorrow. Where? -Where? I don't know? -I don't know? You do, you do. You're just not saying. -You do, you do. You're just not saying. I swear I don't know. Here's your Christmas present. -You expect me to spend the rest of the war sitting at home staring at a ring? And you'll meet some French girl who can speak your own language. No thank you! Please yourself. -Could you seal it over with hot pitch, Clive? Caulk it like the hull of a ship. Thanks. I hope you can come for the launching. -...It was a toss-up. His company went to India, mine went to France. Flip of a coin. ...two Indians to fan me all night. The heat. -...two Indians to fan me all night. The heat. ....buried In a shell-hole for thee days, while he's out there playing polo and sticking pigs. -And Jim. What's left of him. He'll never see outside of the Star and Garter. -Root it out Clive... the thought of it, before it takes hold. Weeds will grow, Mac. -Weeds will grow, Mac. Consider Grace, the kids. I love them like my own. And you. -Consider Grace, the kids. I love them like my own. And you. Kiss me Hardy. -You're a mug, Clive. We did our bit in the Last Lot. If King and Country call, Mac, you go as soon as I will. -What did we know? We were seventeen. I heard the drum and fife yesterday, Mac, marching past. Made my hair stand on end. I thought, I've been asleep for twenty years. -What kind of war is this Mac? Up there in Cumberland, we never see an air-raid. The worst problem I have is getting a new typewriter ribbon. When I rode in against the Turks, I knew what it was about. Did you? You thought you did. We've been gypsed, all our lives. Look at your street. -What about it? Rosehill Avenue. No roses. No hill. And it's certainly not an avenue. -Rosehill Avenue. No roses. No hill. And it's certainly not an avenue. Why not? -Why not? You need trees for an avenue. -You need trees for an avenue. There was talk of planting some when we first came. -There was talk of planting some when we first came. Propaganda. We've been had. -How's your war, Mac? Never done better. On the fiddle. Like everyone else. -Never done better. On the fiddle. Like everyone else. Except the servicemen. -Except the servicemen. Naturally. -Naturally. I don't understand. Is there any point to it? -I don't understand. Is there any point to it? There is all right. This Hitter fellow. We've got to winkle him out. And get shot of some of our lot at the same time. -You always were, Clive. Steady the Buffs. Bugger the Buffs. -Don't panic! Keep your head! I will if you will! -So you're going to be a grandfather. And I'm still just a lad myself. -And I'm still just a lad myself. Don't bother to grow up. It's no fun at all. -Here's to music. And absent friends. And absent bridegrooms! -And absent bridegrooms! And the bride. -No Turks. We didn't know that. It was a suicide mission. Machetes against artillery. Volunteers only. -We didn't know that. It was a suicide mission. Machetes against artillery. Volunteers only. They'd gone. -We all had to write a last letter home. And it was the last. Hasn't written a letter since. Not even a birthday card. -Has Sue got it right? What's that? -What's that? You joined up. -You joined up. Oh, that. -Oh, that. I wish you could have told me yourself. Oh, Grace, it's not for long. They say it'll be over by Christmas. -And what's that? Jam. -We don't know anything about it Well, it's off ration. We know that. -Well, it's off ration. We know that. How do we know they didn't plant it there? They know we're mad on jam. They could poison half the country. -Well? It looks....foreign. -It looks....foreign. Jam is jam! It's just jam! -Taste it. Why don't you taste it? You taste it. -You mean they let you go through the officer training course and then said you were too old for a commission? That's it. -That's it. Why didn't they say that before you started? -Why didn't they say that before you started? I wasn't too old when I started the course. I was too old when it finished. -I wasn't too old when I started the course. I was too old when it finished. What are you going to be then? -What are you going to be then? A clerk. I'm doing a typing course. I'll be typing for England. -When do you think you'll get leave again? Not till Christmas, I don't suppose. -I'm glad you didn't send them to your aunt. I've had a letter from her. They've moved house. -I've had a letter from her. They've moved house. Where to? -I've found a bungalow to rent up the towpath, Clive. I never want to leave the river again. The children have had such a wonderful summer. Fair enough. The river. -I doubt if a few bombs would wake up Dawn on a Sunday morning. This phoney war get's on my nerves. If we're going to have a war, I wish they'd get it started. -This phoney war get's on my nerves. If we're going to have a war, I wish they'd get it started. Just ignore her, Mac. -You know it? It must be an old one. Ancient. Have you finished your homework? -Ancient. Have you finished your homework? After this dance. -He always knows. Half the time he's bluffing. -What would we do if a German came into the house? Don't be silly, Dawn. -Don't be silly, Dawn. Well, why do you always bring the carving knife in here? -Tell me the truth. You had to get married, didn't you? Because of me. The ideas you get in your head. -The ideas you get in your head. That's why you never liked me. I'm different from you. Well, everything's different now, so it doesn't matter. So there. -I won't have this vulgar talk in my house. It's only a joke, Mummy. I'm fifteen. I'm still at school. I want to be a nun when I grow up. -And where do you think you're going? Out. -Out. You go to bed this minute and take off that lipstick. -You go to bed this minute and take off that lipstick. No, I won't. -I want him. I want him so much. I'll kill myself if I can't have him. There, there, my baby. -You better bring him home, if you really love him. Don't kill love. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. Who said anything about love? -What is it, pet? He's being posted. I was terrible to him. -He's being posted. I was terrible to him. Don't leave it like that. Go after him. Swallow your pride. -What did he say? He said I was right. I shouldn't wait for him. I was better to make a clean break. -He said I was right. I shouldn't wait for him. I was better to make a clean break. I think it's very sensible in the circumstances. -I think it's very sensible in the circumstances. Now he's gone and made me fall in love with him, which I never wanted to do. I told him that. -I don't believe this is happening to me. It's not. It's happening to me. -It looks a bit fishy to me. Could we salt them, or smoke them, do you think? -Now take deep breaths, and push. Why? It's coming on its own. It doesn't hurt. -Is it peace in out time? No, Mother! It's War! War! -No, Mother! It's War! War! Or what? -Did they say how long it would take to get new ration books, Grace? Up to six weeks, I think. -Up to six weeks, I think. How are we going to cope? -...such nice boys with straw boaters and blazers. All the punts lit up with Chinese lanterns. Like fireflies. And the gramophone going on one of the boats. Always the Charleston, the Charleston, the Charleston. Oh, you girls. Wasn't it lovely? -It was the best time of his life. How many of our class left? You and me out of twenty-eight. -I can't do it. What's the point? It's just the wrench, Grace. It's for their sake. -Please yourself. Let them go, if they want. Grace! -It seems to have survived. Play something, Grace. -Mac, that was wonderful. I haven't been to a concert since... ...since I used to take you to the Proms? -...since I used to take you to the Proms? That's right. Not since then Not since I got married. -Remember this beach, Mac? All those summers. Out two families, together. Happy days. When you're bigger, Bill, I'll teach you the googly. -Mac, did you ever find out who Molly went off with? A Polish pilot. It's like one of those jokes on the wireless. -She said, 'I know you love me, Mac, but you've never loved me enough.' Not loving enough. That is a terrible thing to do to someone. I suppose I did it to Clive. Always held something back. -It's all better left unsaid, Grace. You were never apart, you and Clive. He kept asking and asking. And I waited and waited for you to say something. And you never did. -You were never apart, you and Clive. He kept asking and asking. And I waited and waited for you to say something. And you never did. Clive had a job. I didn't. I couldn't. -He could always make me laugh. We did the decent thing. -We did the decent thing. This war's put an end to decent things. I want to close my eyes and jump and give myself for once, hold nothing back. -This war's put an end to decent things. I want to close my eyes and jump and give myself for once, hold nothing back. We can't change what's past. Not even the war can do that. -We can't change what's past. Not even the war can do that. We did all the proper things, and we lost love. That's sad, Mac. -Bless you, Mac. What would I have done without you? You might still have a house. -You might still have a house. I wish it could all have been different. -I wish it could all have been different. Look after yourself, Grace. -To Mary McDonald, Thelma Richardson, Bobo Hinds, Lily Sanderson... ...Little Sarah Whats-it, now there was a spirit. And Marjorie Anderson. Father, that's enough now -Father, that's enough now And...and...Henry Chapman's girl, was it Thelma? No, I can see those cornflower eyes...I've lost your name, my sweetness. -What did I do to deserve this? You married that fool, Clive, that's what. Never mind, you can stay with us. -You married that fool, Clive, that's what. Never mind, you can stay with us. How long? -What can you do with four daughters, I asked myself, A string quartet was all I could come up with. They hated me for making them learn. And now we're glad you did. -It's not fair on them. It's selfish to keep them with you. My aunt in Australia has offered.. -It's so far way. I couldn't bear it. Kids don't care. You're thinking of yourself. -I didn't mean it like that, Grace. Why does it always come out wrong? I know you mean well. -God, how I hate all this scrimping and squalor. I don't mind it. It was harder before the war. Trying to keep up appearances. Now it's patriotic to be poor. -I don't know how you cope, Grace. Three kids, army pay. On your own. You know something, Molly? I like it on my own. I never got used to sharing a bed, not really. -Molly! Well! I'm not talking about Mac. He hasn't toughed me for ages. And not often ever. My life started when Mac went on nights. -You're having me on, Molly. Am I? Maybe I am. -Am I? Maybe I am. You've been drinking. Your tipsy. -You've been drinking. Your tipsy. Tipsy, topsy, turvy. -I'm so glad you could come. Here we are, all together again. Happy as can be. In the old groove. -Whoa, thanks for stopping. I been standing out there in that toad strangling rain for like a hundred million years. Really, that's a long time. -Really, that's a long time. Yeah, most people just whiz on by like I was invisible or something... or else they're creeps who wanna jam their slimy hands down my pants and twiddle my naughty-naughty. -Yeah, most people just whiz on by like I was invisible or something... or else they're creeps who wanna jam their slimy hands down my pants and twiddle my naughty-naughty. Yikes. -Yikes. Yeah, icky. This one guy stops and I look in and he's got his thing out waving it around like a drunk monkey. -Yeah, I know where that is, it's right by my house. It's Dr. Satan's tree. I can show ya. Really, wow, so it's really a real thing. -Really, wow, so it's really a real thing. Yeah, it's a tree. I used to play there all the time. But, you can't find it without me. Outsider can't find no deadwood. -Yeah, it's a tree. I used to play there all the time. But, you can't find it without me. Outsider can't find no deadwood. Deadwood, is that what it's called? Cool, will you show us? -Deadwood, is that what it's called? Cool, will you show us? Maybe, maybe, maybe... hey, you know what word I hate? -Maybe, maybe, maybe... hey, you know what word I hate? What? -What? Cone. -Cone. Huh... what cone? -Huh... what cone? Any cone, yeah... I hate that word... sounds ugly, I don't like crumple either. -Any cone, yeah... I hate that word... sounds ugly, I don't like crumple either. I always hate saying the word cheese, every time you get your picture taken... smile, say cheese. -I always hate saying the word cheese, every time you get your picture taken... smile, say cheese. I know I hate Swiss cheese, the holes make me nervous. -Oh, I know. I'll show you where it's at, sweetie. Aren't you just so cute all bundled up like a cinnamon roll of Christmas love. Cool. -The lions were totally covered in this guy's blood... I think they ate his face off, tore open his rib cage, pulled his legs off... it was a wild scene. Things like that get a lot bloodier than ya think. -I agree. Yeah, it won't take long and besides you sassy poodle girls will slow us down. -Please don't kill us, please don't kill us. Please don't kill us, please don't kill us. -Tiny's home. What about R.J.? -What about R.J.? Oh, he was already gone before I seen him... but Tiny saw him and said he said he was going out to the yard to get a new wheel. -Ma, Tiny's in. Go tell him to get your Grandpa. -I'll cut your fucking tits off and shove 'em down your throat. Baby! Stop! -Come on, ma... this bitch's got it coming. No, I told you... -Drink up, it's party time. Enjoy your last night... ...where's Otis? -Enjoy your last night... ...where's Otis? Oh, he's coming, he got something real special this year. -Who's your Daddy! Who's your Daddy! -Take his gag out, it's more fun with the screaming. Yeah, I like the screaming too... it's so much more exciting. -Aw, I was going home to my Mamma's house... yeah, I was out doing this thing. Where's that? -Where's that? Couple more miles up this road. -What about the tree? Oh yeah, the tree. -Which way? Go straight up about another mile... til we hit Cherrypicker Road and turn right... it ain't far from there. -I guess I'll try to back it out on the rim... at least to the main road. If you keep going straight you can get back on the interstate... it's easier. -OK, whatever. Let's go get your brother's truck. Faster we get the truck, faster we get out of here. OK. -Don't worry, I'll be right back. Come on. -How much further? Almost there... are you in a hurry or something? -Almost there... are you in a hurry or something? Well, yeah, kind of. -The door's locked. I'll gotta go around... wait here. OK. -Christ, you scared the shit out of me. Aw, you ain't seen nothing yet. -Aw, you ain't seen nothing yet. Is your brother ready to go? -Is your brother ready to go? Oh... yeah, he already left. We'll wait inside, come on. -Oh... yeah, he already left. We'll wait inside, come on. He left! -He left! Yeah, come on. -So, you live here alone... I mean with just your brother? No. There's a bunch a us 'round somewhere... I think Mamma's sleepin'. She sleeps a lot, now... do you want marshmallows? -No. There's a bunch a us 'round somewhere... I think Mamma's sleepin'. She sleeps a lot, now... do you want marshmallows? Um, yeah sure, I guess. -Um, yeah sure, I guess. You sure do a lot of guessing. -Thank you. You're welcome. -Hey, um... ...what kind of animal is that? A dead one. -A dead one. Mmmmm, this is tasty. -Mmmmm, this is tasty. Ain't the only thing tasty in this house. -Ain't the only thing tasty in this house. I wonder what time it is. Seems kind of late. -I wonder what time it is. Seems kind of late. Don't worry, sugar. It ain't past my bedtime... are you flirting with me? -Don't worry, sugar. It ain't past my bedtime... are you flirting with me? What? No, I'm was worried that... I was just wondering what's taking so long. -What? No, I'm was worried that... I was just wondering what's taking so long. Oh. Maybe R.J. got into a crash and killed everbody? -Oh. Maybe R.J. got into a crash and killed everbody? That's not something to joke about. -That's not something to joke about. OK, sorry... maybe the Great Pumpkin ate 'em up. -Hey, great they're back. Whoopie fucking doo. -No! He's one of God's creatures, he can't help it if he's dumb... I'm just crazy about animals. The animals have got nothing to do with it. -I'd like to see that. Nice. -Can I help you with something? I was just wondering. -I was just wondering. Wondering what? -Wondering what? Are you two gals all funny with each other? -Are you two gals all funny with each other? What? -What? You know... a couple of queers. -You know... a couple of queers. Do you believe this fucking girl? -Do you believe this fucking girl? I was just wondering, cause you got a pissy look about you... like a real pussy licking bitch. -What the hell are you laughing about? I just pictured the tire sitting in a chair watching TV. -I just pictured the tire sitting in a chair watching TV. Oh, wonderful. Fucking psycho. -He walks, duh. Fucking great. -Take that, you fucking slut! Fucking redneck whore! You shouldn't a done that. -You shouldn't a done that. Why? You gonna do something about it? -Why? You gonna do something about it? Yeah, I'll do something. -You all having a Halloween party tonight? Now, what makes you think that? -Now, what makes you think that? You all sure are buying a lot of holy water for two people. -You all sure are buying a lot of holy water for two people. Yeah, well we like to get fucked up and do fucked up shit, you know what I mean? -Yeah, well we like to get fucked up and do fucked up shit, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah... ...I like to fuck shit up. -Yeah, yeah... ...I like to fuck shit up. I'll bet you do... how much we owe ya... ...Goober? -I'll bet you do... how much we owe ya... ...Goober? Actually it's G. Ober... Gerry Ober, but the guys drew in the other O, fucking assholes. -Actually it's G. Ober... Gerry Ober, but the guys drew in the other O, fucking assholes. Great story Goober, how much? -Great story Goober, how much? Ummmm... two hundred and eighty-five dollars. -Keep the change and get yourself a new name. Holy crap, thanks! -Come on, bro. Let's go. Hey, wait take this. -What's this? A missing girl. I use'ta go to school with her, she just up and disappeared some day... real weird. -How long have you been running this place? How long is a piece of string? Too God damn long, that's how long. -No, really. Shit, I don't remember exactly. I took over for my Pa just after the Duke nabbed the Oscar. -Shit, I don't remember exactly. I took over for my Pa just after the Duke nabbed the Oscar. The Duke? -The Duke? Yeah, my Pa wasn't right in the head after that. -Yeah, my Pa wasn't right in the head after that. You mean John Wayne? -You mean John Wayne? Hell, boy there some other Duke you know about? A great American. -Hell, boy there some other Duke you know about? A great American. Yeah, I was never that big of a western fan. I like science fiction. -Yeah, I was never that big of a western fan. I like science fiction. I figured that much. Why the fuck you asking so many jackass questions for? -I figured that much. Why the fuck you asking so many jackass questions for? You see me and my friends are writing a book on offbeat roadside attractions. You know all the crazy shit you see when you drive cross country. -You see me and my friends are writing a book on offbeat roadside attractions. You know all the crazy shit you see when you drive cross country. I don't drive cross country. -I don't drive cross country. But if you did. -But if you did. I don't. -I don't. But suppose for a second you did. -But suppose for a second you did. Y'all find us country people real funny like don't ya... well, God damn pack up the mule and sling me some grits, I'ze a gotta get me some schooling. -Y'all find us country people real funny like don't ya... well, God damn pack up the mule and sling me some grits, I'ze a gotta get me some schooling. No, no I think it's really interesting. -No, no I think it's really interesting. Well fuck me Side Sally, who want to read about all that horse shit anyway. -Really? Huh, I thought for sure you'd say Lynette Fromme. She's got that snooty vibe I know you dig. Sqeaky! No way, she ain't that hot. -Sqeaky! No way, she ain't that hot. She's pretty cute. -She's pretty cute. Yeah but, she reminds me of this chick that I remember from fourth grade... called a... shit, what did we call her? Oh yeah, Patty Pee-pee Pants... when ever she got called on by Miss Chumski, this chick would piss in her pants and start bawling. -Yeah but, she reminds me of this chick that I remember from fourth grade... called a... shit, what did we call her? Oh yeah, Patty Pee-pee Pants... when ever she got called on by Miss Chumski, this chick would piss in her pants and start bawling. There always one kid with no bodily controls. We had this dude, Jeff Baxter, he was a puker. The fucker would just sit there puke all over himself. -There always one kid with no bodily controls. We had this dude, Jeff Baxter, he was a puker. The fucker would just sit there puke all over himself. Better than pissing... anyway so, what's your choice? -Better than pissing... anyway so, what's your choice? If we're talking cute... like regular cute, I'd say Leslie Van Houton, but cute ain't hot. -If we're talking cute... like regular cute, I'd say Leslie Van Houton, but cute ain't hot. Yeah, no shit. -Yeah, no shit. As far a hot... goes I gotta go with... Ruth Ann Moorehouse. -As far a hot... goes I gotta go with... Ruth Ann Moorehouse. Oh yeah, I forgot about her. She was pretty hot. -Oh yeah, I forgot about her. She was pretty hot. Fuck yeah, she is. I'd join a cult to get some of that... and the best part is she didn't try to kill the President or nothing, so that baggage ain't hanging around. -Fuck yeah, she is. I'd join a cult to get some of that... and the best part is she didn't try to kill the President or nothing, so that baggage ain't hanging around. I thought she tried to murder a witness for the prosecution. -I thought she tried to murder a witness for the prosecution. I'll let it slide, she was only seventeen. -I'll let it slide, she was only seventeen. Dude, talk about baggage, that ain't no carry-on shit, that's some heavy duty Samsonite shit. -Dude, talk about baggage, that ain't no carry-on shit, that's some heavy duty Samsonite shit. Yeah, I guess... hot chicks are always nuts. -Yeah, I guess... hot chicks are always nuts. Hot has got nothing to do with it. -Hold on, I've heard this before... but I can't remember the end. "So, the guy goes to Hell and the devil says, ""do you smoke?"" The guy say, ""yeah""... the devil say, ""great cause Tuesday is cigar night, sweetest Cuban cigars you ever had.""" -"So, the guy goes to Hell and the devil says, ""do you smoke?"" The guy say, ""yeah""... the devil say, ""great cause Tuesday is cigar night, sweetest Cuban cigars you ever had.""" Shit, we really need to find some gas. -Shit, we really need to find some gas. "Then the devil asks, ""do you drink?"" Guy says, ""yeah""... devil say, ""wonderful, Wednesday is free drinks night, best booze you ever had... all made from the finest stuff.""" -"Then the devil asks, ""do you drink?"" Guy says, ""yeah""... devil say, ""wonderful, Wednesday is free drinks night, best booze you ever had... all made from the finest stuff.""" Yeah. -Yeah. "Then the devil says, ""are you gay?"" Guy says, ""fuck no""... Devil says, ""Well then, I guess you're gonna hate Thursdays.""" -"Then the devil says, ""are you gay?"" Guy says, ""fuck no""... Devil says, ""Well then, I guess you're gonna hate Thursdays.""" Oh yeah, I remember now. -Oh yeah, I remember now. "Yeah, no shit I just told ya. Hey, you think this place called Alien Ed's UFO Welcoming Center is still around? It says, ""Where the Fact is separated from the Fantasy.""" -"Yeah, no shit I just told ya. Hey, you think this place called Alien Ed's UFO Welcoming Center is still around? It says, ""Where the Fact is separated from the Fantasy.""" I dunno... we'll ask around as we get closer. Man, I really don't want to run out of gas out here in the middle of Petticoat Junction, man. -I dunno... we'll ask around as we get closer. Man, I really don't want to run out of gas out here in the middle of Petticoat Junction, man. Don't panic yourself, way too much caffeine guy... I see a sign. Captain Spaulding's Museum of Madmen and Monsters... cool. Also... fried chicken and... gasoline... next exit. -Don't panic yourself, way too much caffeine guy... I see a sign. Captain Spaulding's Museum of Madmen and Monsters... cool. Also... fried chicken and... gasoline... next exit. Perfect. -Perfect. I hope this place is cool. We could use something interesting to liven up chapter 12. -I'll pump the gas. Go inside and see if it's worth thinking about. OK, Boss. -Holy crap. You gotta see this place. It's awesome. How awesome? -How awesome? Really fucking awesome. -Really fucking awesome. Wake up the chicks and bust out the camera awesome? -Wake up the chicks and bust out the camera awesome? Hell yeah. -Keep straight on this road here. How much further? -How much further? I'm not exactly sure... it looks close. Did we pass an abandoned school bus yet? -I'm not exactly sure... it looks close. Did we pass an abandoned school bus yet? I don't know. -Come on, we need something like this. It could be the real deal. It's too far out of the way to come back to. What's that? -It's a hitchhiker. Way out here? -She looks like she stinks. Cat fight, cat fight. -That reminds me of a film I saw once of a guy who got out of his car at Lion Country Safari to take a picture of a lion cub and got eaten by the lions. Oh yeah, I heard about that. I always thought it was bullshit. -Oh yeah, I heard about that. I always thought it was bullshit. No... yeah, they ripped him to pieces while his family watched from the car. The wife is screaming, the kids are crying. Some dude in another car filmed the whole thing. -What was that? Fuck. I think we blew a tire. -OK, let's relax. I'll check it, maybe I'm wrong. Don't everybody freak out just yet. I'll help ya. -I'll help ya. Gee, ya think it wouldn't be too much trouble. -I hope you fixed the spare like I asked ya. Yeah, I fixed it. Well, I ain't... um, I can't remember. I think I took it out to fit the bags and forgot to put it back. -Yeah, I fixed it. Well, I ain't... um, I can't remember. I think I took it out to fit the bags and forgot to put it back. Jesus Christ, Jerry. -Jesus Christ, Jerry. Well, technically I did what ya said. -Well, technically I did what ya said. You're a real fucking piece of work. -Tire's fucking gone crap on us, man. There's no saving it now. And the spare is safely sitting in Jerry's garage. -Don't forget the flashlight, it's pretty dark out there. Thanks. -Thanks. No problem. -Oh, don't worry she didn't get offended by what I said. You two got to lighten up... right, Bill? Whatever, at this point all I care about is food. I'm starving and I got a fucking killer headache. -Whatever, at this point all I care about is food. I'm starving and I got a fucking killer headache. Hey, I asked you if you wanted some chicken. -Hey, I asked you if you wanted some chicken. Didn't look like chicken to me, more like fried pussy cat. -Didn't look like chicken to me, more like fried pussy cat. Tasted pretty good. -I can't believe what I'm seeing. I know, this is fucking nuts. -Almost there. Jesus, you think she was really gonna cut you? -I like sleep. Here he comes. -Honk at him. Scare him. He won't move. -Fuck! We are fucked! Turn that fucking radio off! -Yeah, maybe R.J. could just tow us and our car to the nearest garage. I mean obviously we will compensate you for your troubles. -What's he so excited about? Yeah, showtime for what? -Just grin and bear it. That food... ugh, I feel like I'm gonna puke. -Shit, I'm all for being a sport, but this is ridiculous. Man, it's already ten thirty. -Yeah, I'd say at this point all we can do is just wait it out. There's nothing else. I suppose. I mean they're obviously all bonkers, but I guess they're harmless. -Don't look back, just get in the car. Lock the fucking doors. -We'll need pictures of the inside too. Alright, alright. I know... I wanted to be the photographer. -Well, don't even think about playing the good samaritan, there's way too many psychos wandering loose these days. It's a girl. -Should we stop? We can't leave her out here in the rain... maybe we can just drop her at the next rest area. -We can't leave her out here in the rain... maybe we can just drop her at the next rest area. She looks like a freak. -Sounds like a magical trip through the heartland. Where ya headed? -Why are we stopping? There's a dog in the road. -Go around him. There's not enough room. -There's not enough room. Then run him over, he'll move. -Hey, he moved. Let's get going before that thing tries to eat the car or something. -Well, I got some bad news and some bad news. What? -Fine. I'll go straight. What! -What! Fine! I'll go straight! -Forget it. I'll just go. Screw that, no way, I ain't letting you go by yourself. -Screw that, no way, I ain't letting you go by yourself. Don't worry, I'll be quick. Just stay here, no sense everybody getting drenched. -I hope to Christ she doesn't expect us to wear these things. Whatever it is just do it. The more we play along the faster we'll get the hell out of here. -Check this out. Well, ya can't complain I never take you anyplace. -This is starting to make me real uncomfortable. Just sit back and enjoy the show. -How much is a person supposed to stand? Quiet. -Quiet. Oh, I'm sorry, bothering you? Was I disturbing your viewing pleasure? -What are you doing! I gotta open the gate. -I gotta open the gate. Drive through it! -Drive through it! It won't work. -Officers, officers what can I do for you today? I ain't fried up the birds yet... if that's what you're ring a ding dinging about. What I need are some answers. -What I need are some answers. Well, I'll try but I don't know nothing 'bout nobody. I'm a guy who likes to mind his own business, if ya get what I'm saying. -Well, I'll try but I don't know nothing 'bout nobody. I'm a guy who likes to mind his own business, if ya get what I'm saying. You seen this girl? Say... within the last 24 hours. -Come on, get with the facts. Hmmmmmmmmm? -Hmmmmmmmmm? What'd you see, who was she with, where were they going? -What'd you see, who was she with, where were they going? Aw, she was with some nosey, smartass high-rise kids. They were poking around... asking stupid questions. -And... And I gave 'em directions out there, up by the old farm row... I figured what's the harm. Stupid kids probably going out to piss up a rope and got themselves turned around backasswards and got lost as shit. -And I gave 'em directions out there, up by the old farm row... I figured what's the harm. Stupid kids probably going out to piss up a rope and got themselves turned around backasswards and got lost as shit. Is that all... think real hard. -Is that all... think real hard. Yeah, they weren't here but a few minutes, didn't really have time to get as up close and personal as I do with most of the assholes that wander through here. -Yeah, they weren't here but a few minutes, didn't really have time to get as up close and personal as I do with most of the assholes that wander through here. How's about you give me those same directions. -How's about you give me those same directions. Yeah, yeah, sure. You don't have to get all True Grit all over my ass... I'll give'm to ya... you can knock yourself silly for all I care. -Yeah, yeah, sure. You don't have to get all True Grit all over my ass... I'll give'm to ya... you can knock yourself silly for all I care. Enough talk, write. -I... I got back a stack today. Some nice shots. See, a good topless June Wilkinson... unfortunately she personalized it... to Stucky, love June. Hmmmmm. -Hmmmmm. Shit, this ain't worth nothing now that my name gotten all over it. I was a fixin' on trading it to Jackie Cobb. -Shit, this ain't worth nothing now that my name gotten all over it. I was a fixin' on trading it to Jackie Cobb. The retard over at Molly's fruit stand. -The retard over at Molly's fruit stand. Yeah, he's all hot on her after he found some of his dad's old nudie books hidden in the basement. He keeps 'em taped inside his school workbook. -Fascinating. That kid is one horny retard. -That kid is one horny retard. Christ, ain't they all. All them retards wanna do is fuck and eat. -Christ, ain't they all. All them retards wanna do is fuck and eat. Well, yeah... I think that if you knew him... I mean if you'd understand his urges, shit the guy's like forty or something. -Well, yeah... I think that if you knew him... I mean if you'd understand his urges, shit the guy's like forty or something. Worse than a fucking rabid baboon. -Worse than a fucking rabid baboon. Yeah, I guess, you know next to wacking his weasel his other favorite thing is twisting sharpened pencils in the corner of his eyes. -Yeah, I guess, you know next to wacking his weasel his other favorite thing is twisting sharpened pencils in the corner of his eyes. What? -What? Yeah, doesn't hurt himself, just spins it around next to his eyeball. -Yeah, doesn't hurt himself, just spins it around next to his eyeball. I'm sure that ain't the only place he's sticking those pencils. -I'm sure that ain't the only place he's sticking those pencils. Naw, he don't do anything else with 'em, but he did get caught once with a Planet of the Apes doll hanging out his asshole. -Naw, he don't do anything else with 'em, but he did get caught once with a Planet of the Apes doll hanging out his asshole. Goddamn. -Goddamn. Had to take him to the hospital. Kid had Dr. Zaius stuck half way up his butt, couldn't get it out. -Had to take him to the hospital. Kid had Dr. Zaius stuck half way up his butt, couldn't get it out. I always loved that mute broad that Chuck Heston was shacking up with. -I always loved that mute broad that Chuck Heston was shacking up with. Nova, yeah she looked pretty sweet. -Nova, yeah she looked pretty sweet. Yeah, now there's the perfect woman. -Yeah, now there's the perfect woman. Can I get some stamps off ya? Did you fix the toilet yet? -Ya hear me? You bust that crapper and I'll beat your ass. I hear ya. -Fuck your grandmother. Yeah, I remember Mr. Alacard the shop teacher use'ta call you Little Dick Wick. Hey, wasn't there a song we made up to go with that? -Huh? Oh, hi. You really don't have a phone? No, none. I had one once, back in '57 maybe... I don't know. Really ain't nobody we wanna be jaw flapping at around here no more. -No, he's just joking. We don't really have any plans other than spending the night at my Dad's house... ...which is where we were headed when our car broke down. That's nice. -That's nice. Yeah, I guess I'll just help him hand out candy to the trick or treaters. -How long is that gonna take? He should be back in a couple hours. -Tiny ain't got no car, he ain't even got a bicycle. How's he get around out here? -You sure you don't need any help in there? No dear, I'm fine. Now what kind of host would I be if I put my guests to this kind of work. -You'll have to forgive Tiny, he can't hear so much. Oh. -Oh. Yeah, my poor baby. It's his Daddy's fault. I mean Earl was a good man... I mean he never hit me or nothing, but one day he just got up and went pure devil on us all. -Yeah, my poor baby. It's his Daddy's fault. I mean Earl was a good man... I mean he never hit me or nothing, but one day he just got up and went pure devil on us all. What happened? Oh, I'm sorry, it's none of my business. -What happened? Oh, I'm sorry, it's none of my business. He tried to burn the house down, said it was possessed by the spirits. Tiny was sleeping in the basement where the fire started. I don't think Earl ever meant to harm us... but Tiny was badly burnt, his ears were destroyed and most of his skin. -Huh? Grab Mary and come inside. -Great, you're back. Let's go. We already paid for the tickets. Tickets for what? -Tickets for what? This isn't everything. Get ready for this... there's a Museum of Murder and Mayhem. -This isn't everything. Get ready for this... there's a Museum of Murder and Mayhem. I don't want to see that. -Aw, come on. It will be fun. Oh yeah, murder museum... sounds fun. -Ugh, what's that smell? Fried chicken. Anybody want some? -Hey, maybe she knows where this is? That seems likely. -Fuck, it's freezing. Hey, listen to this... I think this is related to our Dr. Satan. -Hey, listen to this... I think this is related to our Dr. Satan. Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. Yeah, in this book there's a chapter called Self Made Freaks about how people would mutilate themselves in order to work in a freak show. It mostly talks about tattooed people and wild men of Borneo and shit like that, but there is one mention of a single case where a woman was suspected of having her arms removed on purpose to become an arm-less wonder. -Yeah, in this book there's a chapter called Self Made Freaks about how people would mutilate themselves in order to work in a freak show. It mostly talks about tattooed people and wild men of Borneo and shit like that, but there is one mention of a single case where a woman was suspected of having her arms removed on purpose to become an arm-less wonder. Yeah, so how does that fit with the story of four morons with a flat tire looking for a dead tree? -Yeah, so how does that fit with the story of four morons with a flat tire looking for a dead tree? "It says, ""records show that Ellie Thompson was born in 1914 of normal physical stature and lived a life of normal bearings, until such time that she was placed in the care of the Willows State Mental Facility.""" -"It says, ""records show that Ellie Thompson was born in 1914 of normal physical stature and lived a life of normal bearings, until such time that she was placed in the care of the Willows State Mental Facility.""" So. -So. Now she was put in the nuthouse in 1930 at the age of 16. -Now she was put in the nuthouse in 1930 at the age of 16. Why? -Why? "Blah, blah, blah... it doesn't say, but she was released sometime in 1937, only to reappear as Ellie Bogdan, the arm-less wonder. Says she, ""criss-crossed the United States constantly in carnivals and freak shows until her death in 1946.""" -"Blah, blah, blah... it doesn't say, but she was released sometime in 1937, only to reappear as Ellie Bogdan, the arm-less wonder. Says she, ""criss-crossed the United States constantly in carnivals and freak shows until her death in 1946.""" Yeah? -Yeah? These dates perfectly correspond with the time frame of our beloved Dr. Satan working at the looney bin. I'll bet he amputated her arms. -These dates perfectly correspond with the time frame of our beloved Dr. Satan working at the looney bin. I'll bet he amputated her arms. So what? -So what? I don't know, I just thought it was interesting. -I don't know, I just thought it was interesting. You know what Jerry, who really cares at this point? -You know what Jerry, who really cares at this point? I don't... ...I just thought it was weird. -Yeah, Jerry, she said some pretty fucked shit to us. When? -When? When you were outside with Bill. -Hey, nice outfit Billy Bob. Thanks for coming to get us. Little brother almost scared us to death. -Thanks for coming to get us. Little brother almost scared us to death. Dude, your chick's a little high strung. -Thank you. Yes, thank you. Thank you very much. -Really, now is not the time to make waves. Hey, I'm just waiting for Cousin Itt to show up. -Hey, I'm just waiting for Cousin Itt to show up. Shhhhhh. -What are you laughing at? I don't know, I think he's funny. -I don't know, I think he's funny. This isn't funny, it's twisted. -You gotta be kidding me. This chick is wasted. Shhhhhh. -We've got get out of here, we got get out of here. Think, think. Try to open the lid, try to kick a hole in the wood. -Think, think. Try to open the lid, try to kick a hole in the wood. I can't... I can't move my arms. I hurt so much. -I can't... I can't move my arms. I hurt so much. I know, but we can make it out of here. We can do it. -That was good babe, just keep doing that. That's not me. I didn't... I'm not doing that. -That's not me. I didn't... I'm not doing that. Someone is out there... ...help, we're in here! -Someone is out there... ...help, we're in here! Help, help us. -Hello... ...hey Denise... what, what's wrong, did you break down? No, nothing like that... yeah, we're gonna be a little late. We stopped for gas at this place called Capt. Spaulding's outside of Ruggsville and it turned into a whole thing, so we're kind of behind schedule. -No, nothing like that... yeah, we're gonna be a little late. We stopped for gas at this place called Capt. Spaulding's outside of Ruggsville and it turned into a whole thing, so we're kind of behind schedule. Oh yeah, yeah I've driven by that place before. I seem to remember a crabby old bastard in a crummy clown suit running the place. -Oh yeah, yeah I've driven by that place before. I seem to remember a crabby old bastard in a crummy clown suit running the place. Yeah, well he's still here. I think him and Jerry are fast becoming buddies, you know Jerry... yeah, he's gotta see everything... yeah, I know... thinks there's some unsolved mystery around every corner. -Yeah, well he's still here. I think him and Jerry are fast becoming buddies, you know Jerry... yeah, he's gotta see everything... yeah, I know... thinks there's some unsolved mystery around every corner. Well, don't take too long, the kids are already knocking down the door demanding their sugar fix... I know, I know I forgot to mention that Halloween falls on a school night, so they're trick or treating tonight... I got the joint decked out this year, built a graveyard in the front yard like when you were a kid. -Well, don't take too long, the kids are already knocking down the door demanding their sugar fix... I know, I know I forgot to mention that Halloween falls on a school night, so they're trick or treating tonight... I got the joint decked out this year, built a graveyard in the front yard like when you were a kid. Hopefully I can move things along here and make up the lost time by speeding all the way home... yes, Dad I'm kidding. -Hopefully I can move things along here and make up the lost time by speeding all the way home... yes, Dad I'm kidding. Well, just promise me you'll be careful... alright, alright see ya soon... good-bye. -Come on sleeping beauty, time to go to work. Sleeping. -Sleeping. Rise and shine. -Rise and shine. No please, let me sit this one out. -No please, let me sit this one out. Let's go. You're the one who wanted to be a photographer. -Let's go. You're the one who wanted to be a photographer. I resign. -I resign. Too late. You're in for life, let's move it out Private Shutterbug. -Too late. You're in for life, let's move it out Private Shutterbug. Christ, I hope this isn't more crappy folk art. It's so quaint... it's so primal... it's so crap. -Christ, I hope this isn't more crappy folk art. It's so quaint... it's so primal... it's so crap. Aw, it ain't crap... it's... cute. ...and really who are we to judge the artistic merit of the tin-can Mona Lisa? -Aw, it ain't crap... it's... cute. ...and really who are we to judge the artistic merit of the tin-can Mona Lisa? Aw, shit... I gotta pee anyway. -I swear I've aged five years since this trip started. Tell me about it. -Tell me about it. God, I hate falling asleep in the afternoon. Now I'll be up all night... ...ugh, my back is killing me. -God, I hate falling asleep in the afternoon. Now I'll be up all night... ...ugh, my back is killing me. Yeah, hey how far do you think we are from your Dad's? -It will be nice to have a few days off to regenerate. This trip is fun, but it's starting to get brutal. Yeah, I hit burn out mode back at that old stripper lady's place. Watching her dance around with those ratty-looking animals was ridiculous. -Yeah, I hit burn out mode back at that old stripper lady's place. Watching her dance around with those ratty-looking animals was ridiculous. I know, that was some crazy shit. I never in a million years would have believed it if I hadn't seen it. -I know, that was some crazy shit. I never in a million years would have believed it if I hadn't seen it. A decent meal every once in a while wouldn't hurt either, this road food is crap. -A decent meal every once in a while wouldn't hurt either, this road food is crap. If I never eat at another Waffle House again, I can die a happy girl. -If I never eat at another Waffle House again, I can die a happy girl. Scattered, smothered and covered. -Scattered, smothered and covered. Exactly... well, I guess a couple more photos won't kill me. -Geez, he never gets tired does he. Never. I swear to God he never sleeps, he goes to bed after me, wakes up before me. He's always working on 10. -Never. I swear to God he never sleeps, he goes to bed after me, wakes up before me. He's always working on 10. Maybe he's a cyborg. -Let's just skip it. It is probably nothing anyway. Aw Christ, Jerry. We can't see anything now, it's too dark. Let's forget it. -Stick her in the front, if you want to pick her up so bad. She's soaked. She looks like she stinks. -Don't even say it. You got to be fucking joking. -You got to be fucking joking. God damn it, I knew this witch-hunt was fucking bullshit. -I think I'm going fucking crazy. I can't believe... -She said we look like pussy lickers or some shit like that. Yeah, she said we looked queer. -How long has it been? I don't know... about half an hour. -What was that? What? I didn't hear anything. -What? I didn't hear anything. Wait... quiet. Turn off the radio. -I don't hear anything. Shhhhhh, quiet. -Shhhhhh, quiet. I still don't. -I still don't. Turn on the headlights. See if anything is out there. -Jesus Christ. I think I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack. -Excuse me, may I please use your phone? Bill, why don't you ask her... she's your special friend. -A couple hours! Can't Tiny drive us to a phone? -Don't be such a fucking smart ass. Yeah, it's really your fault that we're stuck in this shithole in the first place. -What'd we here, Georgie? A vehicle registered to a William S. Hudley. -A vehicle registered to a William S. Hudley. Holy Jesus, somebody had themselves a field day beating the shit outta this thing. -Holy Jesus, somebody had themselves a field day beating the shit outta this thing. Yeah, no mercy here. -Yeah, no mercy here. Recover any bodies? -Recover any bodies? Not yet. -Not yet. Shit, I wonder what these kids did to bring this much hell down on 'em. -Shit, I wonder what these kids did to bring this much hell down on 'em. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time. -Just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's the understatement of the year. -That's the understatement of the year. Yep, I suppose it is. -God damn. You find something, Georgie? -You find something, Georgie? Yep, I found something. -What'd ya got there? Keys. -Keys. Well Christ boy, don't stand there like a prize dog dick with his butthole caught up a tree. -Well Christ boy, don't stand there like a prize dog dick with his butthole caught up a tree. Huh? -Huh? Open up the trunk. -Open up the trunk. Yes, sir. -Hey, maybe the guy with the tow truck could drive us to a phone. His name is Rufus, Rufus Jr., but we all call him R.J. -His name is Rufus, Rufus Jr., but we all call him R.J. Oh, right. -Oh, right. What do they call you, sweety? -What do they call you, sweety? Um, I'm Jerry... that's Bill... Denise and Mary. -So, what brings you kids way out here, ain't you got something better to do for Halloween than wander around out here in the sticks? Well, I thought I'd maybe take in a hoedown. -Well, I thought I'd maybe take in a hoedown. Oh, really... ...well, I'm a pretty good dancer if you know what I mean... I bet I got a few moves you ain't never seen. -Oh, really... ...well, I'm a pretty good dancer if you know what I mean... I bet I got a few moves you ain't never seen. I don't doubt that. -And I'm gonna help put the razor blades in the candy apples. I'll bet you are... you are a naughty little thing aren't ya. -I'll bet you are... you are a naughty little thing aren't ya. I was just kidding. -Great. I thought I felt a certain attraction between Mary and Tiny soon as he walked in. Maybe. He's a real lady killer. -Maybe. He's a real lady killer. Didn't ya think, Mary? -I've been meaning to ask you, Mrs... Ummmm. Firefly. -Firefly. Firefly... mmmmm odd name. Mrs. Firefly, do you know anything about the legend of Dr. Satan? -For the show. It's Halloween eve and time for our show. Oh, you mean on TV. -Oh, you mean on TV. No, no, no it's so much more special than that... you'll see, you'll be the first to ever see. I think this is something you'll really love. -No, no, no it's so much more special than that... you'll see, you'll be the first to ever see. I think this is something you'll really love. Great. -Bye sweety, we could of been great together. Please, let us go, we won't tell anybody. -Please, let us go, we won't tell anybody. Aw, honey you know I can't do that. -I'm gonna go ask him. Aw, come on Jerry. We've gotten all we're gonna get out of this place and its starting to rain. -Aw, come on Jerry. We've gotten all we're gonna get out of this place and its starting to rain. Shit, it is only sprinkling and it's worth the trouble. Hold on for two seconds. -We hit the jackpot! Let's roll, good buddy. We got ourselves a convoy. Huh? -Just back up. I think we should go straight. I mean we know for a fact there ain't nothing back that way, right? -I'll go. It's my fault. You said it, not me. -God damn it, I must be fucking crazy to let him go off with that crazy fucking bitch. Huh? -Huh? That stupid hillbilly slut. -That stupid hillbilly slut. Oh, don't blow everything out of proportion. -Oh, don't blow everything out of proportion. You didn't see the look she threw me. She's up to something. -Hold on, hold on! Everybody calm down! It's the tow truck guy. What! -OK lassies, I think it's time you get to gripping reality. Enough with the stupid voices. -This is way too fucked up for words. I know the words... fucking psycho fucking bullshit, that's the words. -I'm with Denise, can't we just walk to someplace, this is getting fucking stupid. Negative. Shit, we are so deep in the sticks we could walk for hours and find zero. -Oh, I get it... I guess you think you're too good for the simple pleasures of Halloween. No, just a little too old. -No, just a little too old. Oh really, well I hope something changes your mind some day. -I know you're my guests and welcome but I'd please advise you to keep from cussing while in my house, thank you. Sorry. -Sorry. Well, even though I know it seems childish to you all. Tonight is Halloween eve and it special to us so you are all invited to stay for dinner. -I suggest you kids leave now. Don't worry, I'm gone. -Why? Why are you doing this? Doing what? Messy up your day? Well, fuck lady there are some bigger issues at hand... than your fucking have a nice fucking day bumper sticker shit! -Doing what? Messy up your day? Well, fuck lady there are some bigger issues at hand... than your fucking have a nice fucking day bumper sticker shit! Where's Bill? -Where's Bill? Well, Bill... he's a good guy, he's been great help to me... a real blessing... I couldn't have asked for a better specimen. I mean you don't know what a dry spell I've had, total block... ...total block... but Bill he's OK. -Where is he? Let's go see. -Behold... The Fish-Boy! This can't be real, this can't be real, this can't be real. -This can't be real, this can't be real, this can't be real. Oh, it's real... as real as I want it to be, mamma... ...look, see the magic in my brush strokes. -Fuck you, you fucking freak! Oh, come now... we're all creatures of God and freaks in our own way... ...but if you'll notice... right here, needs a little something, heh? -What are you doing? ...no, stop... please, please. You, my dear worm feeder, are about to become immortalized. -Well hello, officer. Excuse me, I'm sorry for disturbing you this fine afternoon. -Excuse me, I'm sorry for disturbing you this fine afternoon. Aw, you ain't disturbing me, but it kind of looks like rain, don't ya think? -Aw, you ain't disturbing me, but it kind of looks like rain, don't ya think? My name is Lt. Wydell, I'd like to ask you a few questions. -My name is Lt. Wydell, I'd like to ask you a few questions. Questions? Well, heck, I'll tell you anything you want to know. -Questions? Well, heck, I'll tell you anything you want to know. I appreciate your cooperation. I'm looking for a missing girl... ...this girl here, Denise Willis... have you seen her? -I appreciate your cooperation. I'm looking for a missing girl... ...this girl here, Denise Willis... have you seen her? Well, I... mmmmm... no, I ain't seen her, sorry. -Please, could I please come in and talk to you for a minute? Maybe you could take a better look at the picture... might stir up something. I um... no, I don't think so... -I um... no, I don't think so... Please, just a minute. -Please, just a minute. Oh, alright... I guess I can trust you... being a man of the law and all. -Thank you. Oh, you are very welcome... Lord knows how I love a man in uniform. -Think... do any of these kids look familiar in any way? No, I can't say that I ever seen 'em before... ...he looks familiar, is he on TV? -Grampa... watch the language. I ain't sure that you really need to know. It's better you go home still dreaming about your kitty cats and puppy dogs. -Otis! Otis! Come quick, there's cops outside. What! God damn, how many? -I don't know. I only saw one. I'm sure there's more than that... fucking pigs always travel in packs... ...here, take this. -I'm sure there's more than that... fucking pigs always travel in packs... ...here, take this. What should I do? -What should I do? Go down stairs and play nice... I'm a gonna go 'round back and handle things like I always fucking do. -I'm the one who brings the devil's brandy... Who's your Daddy! -Who's your Daddy! Yes! I'm the one who beats you when you're bad... -Get in... now! Wait, I want to say good-bye. -That's true, Otis... not that we're having a bad time, but... Well, go get her. -Hey. George Willis... ...any leads? -Local girl, Karen Murphy, been missing for a couple months, figured for a runaway. Fit the profile? -Fit the profile? No, not really. Good kid, never been in any trouble. -Christ, four kids couldn't just disappear. No they couldn't, somebody had to see something. -No they couldn't, somebody had to see something. My Denise is a smart girl, she wouldn't do anything stupid, and her boyfriend, he always seemed like a good kid. -Turn up this road. Where we headed? -Shit, don't these packrat hillbillies throw anything away? Shhhh... you hear that? -Yeah, I hear it... where's it coming from? Over here, inside the smokehouse. -We gotta break it open. I ain't got a warrant. -Tell it to my daughter. Shit... fuck procedure. -Jesus Christ. Call Wydell. -Fuck, go to the car... call for backup. Tell 'em officer down. Right. -Mr. Willis? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. I'm Wydell... this is Naish. -Well, we were on our way out to run a check on a couple farmhouses out on the edge of town... closest thing we got to a lead at this point. That's it? -That's it? Well, all we know is the kids were headed out to a spot the locals call Deadwood to play Nancy Drew with some local legend about this character everybody calls Dr. Satan. -Well, all we know is the kids were headed out to a spot the locals call Deadwood to play Nancy Drew with some local legend about this character everybody calls Dr. Satan. Dr. Satan? -What about the body you found? Oh, yeah, you know about that? Hmmm, that's a strange one. -Her part in this I can't figure... but I will. Christ, you know it's crazy... I lived through so many other people's nightmares, you know. Always cool and calm, but... but I never thought I'd be the one needing help, ya know? -I'm sure there's a logical explanation. I pray to God there is. -Well, let's go see if the nut that runs this place can help us. Right. -Boss, the way I see it is these kids probally stop off somewhere, bought a bunch of booze and are off getting shitfaced. I hope you're right, but my guts are telling me different. -I hope you're right, but my guts are telling me different. Your Spidey senses tingling. -Your Spidey senses tingling. Yeah... ...huh, what the hell are you talking about? -Yeah... ...huh, what the hell are you talking about? You know, your hyper sensitive Spidey senses... like Spider-man... ...you know, like in the comics. -You know, your hyper sensitive Spidey senses... like Spider-man... ...you know, like in the comics. How old do you think I am? I know who the fuck Spider-man is. Get to your point. -How old do you think I am? I know who the fuck Spider-man is. Get to your point. You know, his senses start tingling... when he was approaching danger and shit. -You know, his senses start tingling... when he was approaching danger and shit. I always favored the Hulk. -I always favored the Hulk. Hulk was dumb as shit. -Hulk was dumb as shit. Aw, fuck. -Aw, fuck. What. -Plates match. Call the chief... We found 'em. -You sure this guy's supposed to ride with us? Seems kind of weird. Chief said pick him up and take him with us on our house to house. Guy's an ex-cop, thinks he can help. -Chief said pick him up and take him with us on our house to house. Guy's an ex-cop, thinks he can help. Sounds like a bad idea to me, probally just get in the way. -Sounds like a bad idea to me, probally just get in the way. Yeah, well I guess it's tough to sit on the sidelines and wait when your own kid's missing... besides, ain't no such thing as an ex-cop. -Yeah, well I guess it's tough to sit on the sidelines and wait when your own kid's missing... besides, ain't no such thing as an ex-cop. I guess not. -I guess not. That must be him. -Yeah it's horseshit, just some boogieman crap that the kids like to scare each other with. Anyway, there's not much else out that way... so, I figure maybe there's a chance the kids broke down and found their way over to one of the farms. -Don't worry, we'll find her. Let's hit the road, sooner we get a move on sooner we'll find her. -I'm gonna see if anybody's home. You and Mr. Willis take a look around the grounds for any sign of anything. Right... ...come on. -Wydell. Excuse me for a second. -Over. We found one. -And furthermore... Tell him, Harold. Uh... We must never act like apes, son. For you see, The ape is our closest biological relative -- specifically the pygmy chimp. A single chromosome separates us. But you know what truly separates us from the apes, what makes us better than apes? -That is the wrong fork, young man. Harold, tell the boy. That is the wrong fork, young man. -Harold! Tell the boy again. "No ""buts."" Go to your room now." -"No ""buts."" Go to your room now." And? -And? And think about what you've done. -Tell him, Harold. Son, your mother and I are doing a production of The Gin Game at the local community theater. We forgot to take off our make-up. -Tell him, Harold. It's going famously, son, famously! -Lila, what are you doing in there? I need to get ready for my date. Nothing! I'll be out in a minute! -I don't know why you didn't tell me about this. It's embarrassing, okay? -It's embarrassing, okay? It's not so bad. So, it just keeps growing? -It's not so bad. So, it just keeps growing? Yeah, Natalie. It's hair. It grows. -Yeah, Natalie. It's hair. It grows. Well, don't jump down my throat. I'm just trying to help. -Well, don't jump down my throat. I'm just trying to help. How is that helping, Natalie? How exactly? -How is that helping, Natalie? How exactly? Look, if you're going to be like that... You should be appreciative that I'm interested. -Look, if you're going to be like that... You should be appreciative that I'm interested. Why, because I'm a freak and you are beautiful, and you are being nice enough to come down to my freak, nonbeautiful level and act concerned about my repulsive troubles? -Why, because I'm a freak and you are beautiful, and you are being nice enough to come down to my freak, nonbeautiful level and act concerned about my repulsive troubles? You're fucked up, Lila. Why don't you fucking try electrolysis or something? Figure it out for chrissake. -Hello, my little boy. Hey, ma. Did you bring any clothes? I'm freezing my ass off. -Hey, ma. Did you bring any clothes? I'm freezing my ass off. Oui. Nathan's silk suit, just like you asked. -Oui. Nathan's silk suit, just like you asked. Great. God, I've wanted you forever. -Say my name. Gabrielle. -Gabrielle. You remind me so much of Nathan. -You remind me so much of Nathan. Like father, like son. -Like father, like son. You remind me so much of Nathan plus so much of my little mongrel doggie. -You remind me so much of Nathan plus so much of my little mongrel doggie. Woof. -As much as I loved Nathan, I'm not sorry she killed him, if it means I can have you. Is that a terrible thing to say, my sweet? Hush. No, it is never terrible to be in love. Nathan's memory lives on in our sacred union. I'm not sorry she killed him either. Nathan was wonderful. He was erudite and sophisticated and charming. You are all that, too. But you have something more. You have a bit of the animal in you. -Let's go eat, I'm starved. French? -French? Oui. -Only three shocks. A chimp takes fifteen. This is going to be tres simple, no, Gabrielle? Oui, doctor, oui. -Oui, doctor, oui. Good morning... We need a name for him, don't we? -Good morning... We need a name for him, don't we? Oui. -Oui. You decide. Today is your day. -You decide. Today is your day. Really? My day? Well, I had a sweet little mongrel puppie named Puff when I was a girl. This one reminds me of my dog, all shaggy! So cute! I loved my doggie very much, monsieur. -Really? My day? Well, I had a sweet little mongrel puppie named Puff when I was a girl. This one reminds me of my dog, all shaggy! So cute! I loved my doggie very much, monsieur. Puff it is then. Puff Bronfman. Is that okay? -Puff it is then. Puff Bronfman. Is that okay? Oui. Perfect! -Oui. Perfect! Good morning, Puff Bronfman. I'm Dr. Bronfman and this is my assistant Gabrielle. We're your mommy and daddy while you are here. -Oh, Hi, Gabrielle. Hi. I just wanted to tell you that I very much enjoy working with you. Now I'm embarrassed that I say this. -No. Don't be. I really enjoy hearing that. You're a terrific assistant. Merci. I... Do you... would you like to go get a cup of coffee, perhaps? -Merci. I... Do you... would you like to go get a cup of coffee, perhaps? Well, I don't know. I'm actually on my way to... -Well, I don't know. I'm actually on my way to... Now I am truly embarrassed. Forgive me. I should not have asked such a stupid question. I know you are a very important man and... -Now I am truly embarrassed. Forgive me. I should not have asked such a stupid question. I know you are a very important man and... No. Don't be silly. It's just... -No. Don't be silly. It's just... I am a foolish little thing. I am pink in my face, no? It is only that I have been so lonely lately and... I am ashamed. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Unless... Am I fired now? -Thank you so much for accompanying me. Not at all. -Not at all. I have had such a difficult time in my personal life and you seem to be such a nice man... but I'm talking too much again, no? -I have had such a difficult time in my personal life and you seem to be such a nice man... but I'm talking too much again, no? Of course not. -Of course not. You're so sweet. Oh, why are there not more men out there like you? -Listen, you're the best assistant I've ever had... Gabrielle. I like it when you say my name. Is that stupid? -Oh, Doctor. I did not know. I'm sorry to disturb you. I just came for some papers I left. Gabrielle. No, I'm sorry if I startled you. I came to think. God, Did I hang up on you? -Gabrielle. No, I'm sorry if I startled you. I came to think. God, Did I hang up on you? Oui. Perhaps I called at a bad time. I am sorry. -Oui. Perhaps I called at a bad time. I am sorry. No. I just got distracted. I'm so sorry. -No. I just got distracted. I'm so sorry. Is everything fine? -Is everything fine? Oui. Now you've got me talking French. -Oui. Now you've got me talking French. I was in my p.j.'s when I remembered I left some papers I need to go over. See? I rushed right out of the house. I must look a mess. I'm so embarrassed. -I was in my p.j.'s when I remembered I left some papers I need to go over. See? I rushed right out of the house. I must look a mess. I'm so embarrassed. I'm in my p.j.'s, too. Funny, huh? -Coincidence, yes? And how is our son? Our...? Oh! He seems fine. I guess we woke him. The lights and all. -Our...? Oh! He seems fine. I guess we woke him. The lights and all. I should turn them off. Maybe I sing him a lullaby my mama sang to me when I was a little girl. -I should turn them off. Maybe I sing him a lullaby my mama sang to me when I was a little girl. When you were a little French girl? -When you were a little French girl? Oui. -Oui. That would be good. -Shall we close up, then? Maybe we should just sit for a while. It's very peaceful. -Maybe we should just sit for a while. It's very peaceful. It's nice, yes. I'm glad I ran into you, both in our silly pajamas. It is two happy coincidences, no? -It's nice, yes. I'm glad I ran into you, both in our silly pajamas. It is two happy coincidences, no? Yes. Happy happy. -Yes. Happy happy. Yet you look so sad. A great man like you should not be sad. -Yet you look so sad. A great man like you should not be sad. I'm fine. Life is funny, that's all. -I am sleepy. I shouldn't say this, but you're pretty, Gabrielle. It's unprofessional, I know. -I shouldn't say this, but you're pretty, Gabrielle. It's unprofessional, I know. Really? I always think myself so ugly. No, not ugly, but plain. A wallflower. -Really? I always think myself so ugly. No, not ugly, but plain. A wallflower. Really? No. Not at all. You're a very pretty girl. You should know that. You should be confident. -Really? No. Not at all. You're a very pretty girl. You should know that. You should be confident. Thank you so much. Merci. It's very wonderful to hear a man say such a nice compliment. -Thank you so much. Merci. It's very wonderful to hear a man say such a nice compliment. It's true. I wouldn't lie. -It's true. I wouldn't lie. You are sweet. -So soft. So smooth. I'm sorry. It's just... Shh. -What is wrong, my darling? Nothing, my darling. All is right with the world. -Dr. Bronfman's line. Yes. One moment please. Lila. Shit. Hi, honey. -Yeah. Okay. Be home around seven. Bye. What? I'm sorry. What was I supposed to do? I don't know, Nathan. What are you supposed to do? -I don't know, Nathan. What are you supposed to do? You don't abandon somebody because they have a physical problem. -You don't abandon somebody because they have a physical problem. Funny. I thought that's exactly what you did. You just don't have the courage to admit it to yourself. -Isn't Puff doing spectacularly, honey? Hmmmph. -Hmmmph. Gabby, what is it? -Gabby, what is it? Hmmph. Hmmph. Nathan, we have to talk, you and I. -Hmmph. Hmmph. Nathan, we have to talk, you and I. Fine. -Fine. Not in front of the boy. -Not in front of the boy. Very well. -My little French. Stop. Get away. -Stop. Get away. What is it? -What is it? You have to choose Nathan. It's like Sophie's choice. Only it is Nathan's choice. Did you ever see that movie, Sophie's Choice? It is like that. Only it is this. -You have to choose Nathan. It's like Sophie's choice. Only it is Nathan's choice. Did you ever see that movie, Sophie's Choice? It is like that. Only it is this. Gabby, you know I'm trying to sort things out. -Gabby, you know I'm trying to sort things out. No! It is now that you must decide. I love you, Doctor Nathan... ...but I will not wait. I will not be your chippy. I will not be your little Mademoiselle Parlez-vous side dish. My love. I want to have a sweet tiny baby inside my belly... from you. -I love you so much, Gabrielle. "But?... But? There is a ""but,"" Nathan." -"But?... But? There is a ""but,"" Nathan." But I don't know how to leave Lila. -You were wonderful today, darling. Such authority with the ape-man boy. It made me so hot for you. Unnhh. -Unnhh. The way you are taming him, it sends chills down my girlish spine and... everywhere else, too. -The way you are taming him, it sends chills down my girlish spine and... everywhere else, too. Urgh. -Urgh. Take me, darling! Tame your little monkey of love! -Yeah? What? Hi. It's Nathan. -Call you back. You bastard! What do you want? I just want to talk. -I just want to talk. We have nothing to say! You are a rotten bastard, that's what! -Please. Just one minute of your time. Why? You've made your decision, Mister Stinky American! Now I hate you! No, I don't hate you; I don't even think about you! -Why? You've made your decision, Mister Stinky American! Now I hate you! No, I don't hate you; I don't even think about you! I've got some things to tell you. -Like what? Well, I think it would be easier if I could talk to you in person. -Well, I think it would be easier if I could talk to you in person. What for? -Well, I think... You think too much. I need a man who doesn't think so much but acts more than he thinks... is what I need! -You think too much. I need a man who doesn't think so much but acts more than he thinks... is what I need! What? -What? You heard me! You make me sick when you pretend to not understand what I am saying to you! Go away from here! -You heard me! You make me sick when you pretend to not understand what I am saying to you! Go away from here! Well, look, I'm sorry to have bothered you. -Well? God, you're beautiful. -God, you're beautiful. Please. I look a mess. -Please. I look a mess. No. You look so beautiful. -No. You look so beautiful. Anyway. Come already to the point. -Anyway. Come already to the point. I'm... I'm going to leave Lila. I can't stop thinking about you. -I'm... I'm going to leave Lila. I can't stop thinking about you. I've moved on. -I've moved on. No! -No! I've been seeing Johannsen in chemistry. -I've been seeing Johannsen in chemistry. That goddamn Neanderthal? I'm the one who gave him the idea for the combination bug spray-sun screen! Did you know that?! -That goddamn Neanderthal? I'm the one who gave him the idea for the combination bug spray-sun screen! Did you know that?! That's not how he tells it. -That's not how he tells it. Of course not, that Swedish thief! He's a thief of hearts! I love you, Gabrielle. -Of course not, that Swedish thief! He's a thief of hearts! I love you, Gabrielle. Hunh. -Hunh. Just give me some time to let Lila down easily. She's a really nice girl and I don't want to hurt her more than is necessary. -Just give me some time to let Lila down easily. She's a really nice girl and I don't want to hurt her more than is necessary. You hurt me, you know, when you made Nathan's Choice. Does that not even matter to you, you pig? -You were wonderful! Was I? I wasn't a tad stiff? -Was I? I wasn't a tad stiff? "Don't be silly! And you were wonderful, too! I loved the way you said "" au revoir.""" -So we've got seventeen new bookings for speaking engagements, my wonderful men. Terrific. We're all going to be rich and famous. -Lila? That's Lila? -A penny for your thoughts, mon cheri. I don't know. Something's missing. -Yes, please, somebody ask him what is wrong. I don't know. -I want our boy back. Oui. -Oui. That bitch. I worked so hard. We worked so hard, you and I. He would've made us famous. -That bitch. I worked so hard. We worked so hard, you and I. He would've made us famous. We still have you and I. -We still have you and I. I know. And that's great. But it would be great in a better way, not a better way but a different way, if I could find him and bring him back. -I know. And that's great. But it would be great in a better way, not a better way but a different way, if I could find him and bring him back. Where do we look for little lost Puff? -Where do we look for little lost Puff? I have some thoughts. I think that hairy bitch is somewhere trying to turn him back into an ape. -I have some thoughts. I think that hairy bitch is somewhere trying to turn him back into an ape. That is horrible. Apes are dirty. No? -That is horrible. Apes are dirty. No? You better believe they're dirty! And smelly! And messy! And they don't know their forks from their assholes! -I'm going alone. This could be dangerous. Okay, my sweet. Good night. -Okay, my sweet. Good night. A little resistance would be nice, damn it. -A little resistance would be nice, damn it. Please let me go with you. -Please let me go with you. No. -No. Okay. -My apologies, madam. It's okay, Puff. -It's okay, Puff. Shan't happen again. -It shan't happen again. I swear it. I'm just getting my sea legs, you know. It's an animal urge, Puff. It's nothing to be ashamed of. -Very well. Very well. -We're going back to nature, you and I. I'm going to retrain you. I'm going to make you free again if I have to kill you doing it. But I like being human now. -You what? I want to be the way I was before. -I want to be the way I was before. Good. I'll show you how, apey. -Nice night. Talking is to be kept to a minimum. Eventually, when we are ready, there will be none. Language was invented so that people could lie to each other and to themselves. There is no other reason. -You'll thank me eventually, Puff. Well, you won't thank me, because we won't be speaking, but you'll sort of thank me with a special look, the look a dog gives you to let you know he loves you. What an enchanting picture you paint of our future together. -He's dead. We bury the body. We disappear into the woods. Nobody knows. -We bury the body. We disappear into the woods. Nobody knows. No. This is the end of the road. There's a dead human being here. For all of his faults, he was a human being, and certainly a victim of his culture as much as anybody. -No. This is the end of the road. There's a dead human being here. For all of his faults, he was a human being, and certainly a victim of his culture as much as anybody. Forget him, Lila. We'll disappear. We'll never talk about it again. We'll never talk again period. I love you. -Forget him, Lila. We'll disappear. We'll never talk about it again. We'll never talk again period. I love you. Puff, what happened to you is as much my fault as Nathan's. Maybe more so, because I knew it was wrong and I went along with it anyway. I'm taking responsibility for the murder. I want you to go back to your old life. -Puff, what happened to you is as much my fault as Nathan's. Maybe more so, because I knew it was wrong and I went along with it anyway. I'm taking responsibility for the murder. I want you to go back to your old life. I won't let you do that. I shot the bastard. And I'm glad. -I won't let you do that. I shot the bastard. And I'm glad. No. Go back to the woods. This is a sacrifice I need to make. In my world we have something called penance. It's another abstraction, but I had the concept drummed into my head during my years in the convent. It doesn't exist for you, and it shouldn't. See, I could never be free again anyway, so I might as well be in jail. -No. Go back to the woods. This is a sacrifice I need to make. In my world we have something called penance. It's another abstraction, but I had the concept drummed into my head during my years in the convent. It doesn't exist for you, and it shouldn't. See, I could never be free again anyway, so I might as well be in jail. Then I'll live for both of us, Lila. I'll be the most free, truest animal in the whole forest. For both of us. -Then I'll live for both of us, Lila. I'll be the most free, truest animal in the whole forest. For both of us. That's what I'm counting on. -That's what I'm counting on. But first I'll live among them, just long enough to testify before congress about the waywardness of humankind. -But first I'll live among them, just long enough to testify before congress about the waywardness of humankind. Okay. If you think it will help. -Progress! Ouch. Yeah? -Ouch. Yeah? Oh yes, honey. Getting to be smooth smooth smooth all over. Smooth as a baby's butt. -Oh yes, honey. Getting to be smooth smooth smooth all over. Smooth as a baby's butt. I love it, Rose. I'm getting to be a real girl. -I love it, Rose. I'm getting to be a real girl. You still in the market for a real boy? -You still in the market for a real boy? Always. Ow. -Always. Ow. Cause there's this guy. My brother knows him. Might be right up your alley. -Cause there's this guy. My brother knows him. Might be right up your alley. Tell me. I could use someone up my alley. -Tell me. I could use someone up my alley. I don't get that. Is that sexual? -I don't get that. Is that sexual? Shut up and tell me. -Shut up and tell me. Handsome, thirties, psychologist... -Handsome, thirties, psychologist... Loves animals? Ouch. Must love animals, Rose. -Loves animals? Ouch. Must love animals, Rose. Loves animals. Loves you. -Loves animals. Loves you. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Somehow it came up that you were a friend of mine. Mr. handsome, animal- loving psychologist said he would love to meet you. -Somehow it came up that you were a friend of mine. Mr. handsome, animal- loving psychologist said he would love to meet you. Holy shit. Your brother didn't tell him about the nature of our relationship, did he? -Holy shit. Your brother didn't tell him about the nature of our relationship, did he? My brother is discreet. -My brother is discreet. Won't he be able to tell? -Won't he be able to tell? "My brother says the guy's a thirty- five year old virgin, so maybe he won't know how women usually feel. Plus he's got bad eyesight, almost legally blind, which is helpful in this situation. Plus he's got an extremely small penis, of which he is ""mortifyingly ashamed"", so chances are he'll be so grateful for any non- judgmental attention, that he'll be yours forever." -"My brother says the guy's a thirty- five year old virgin, so maybe he won't know how women usually feel. Plus he's got bad eyesight, almost legally blind, which is helpful in this situation. Plus he's got an extremely small penis, of which he is ""mortifyingly ashamed"", so chances are he'll be so grateful for any non- judgmental attention, that he'll be yours forever." God, he must be really close to your brother to tell him such personal stuff. -God, he must be really close to your brother to tell him such personal stuff. Yeah, well my brother is his shrink. -So? I really like him, Rose. He's so... ...passionate about his work. -I really like him, Rose. He's so... ...passionate about his work. My brother says he likes you, too. -My brother says he likes you, too. Really? -Really? Yeah. Says he likes you even more than he likes his own mother. And according to my brother Nathan's abormally close with his mother. -My brother says things are going really well between you and Nathan. I cannot believe how in love I am with this man. -I cannot believe how in love I am with this man. Yeah? -Yeah? He's so cute. I even like his cute little penis. It's like a little pig's penis or something. Rose, we connect on every level. I've finally found someone I can feel completely safe with. -He's so cute. I even like his cute little penis. It's like a little pig's penis or something. Rose, we connect on every level. I've finally found someone I can feel completely safe with. Don't throw that away. I had that once with a guy. But I threw it away for a cheap thrill. -Don't throw that away. I had that once with a guy. But I threw it away for a cheap thrill. One night stand? -One night stand? No. I married a midget. -No. I married a midget. Marrying a midget was a cheap thrill? -Marrying a midget was a cheap thrill? Well he wasn't really a midget. He was on the cusp of midgethood. That's what made it cheap. Had he been an actual midget, there would've been nothing cheap about it, my dear. -Well he wasn't really a midget. He was on the cusp of midgethood. That's what made it cheap. Had he been an actual midget, there would've been nothing cheap about it, my dear. I didn't know you were into that sort of thing. -I didn't know you were into that sort of thing. Let me tell you, honey, midgets are the best kept secret in male companionship. They're portable. They're controllable. They're eager. And they're exactly the right height for a little covert oral fun on the dance floor. -Let me tell you, honey, midgets are the best kept secret in male companionship. They're portable. They're controllable. They're eager. And they're exactly the right height for a little covert oral fun on the dance floor. I have a friend you might like to meet. -I have a friend you might like to meet. Oh? -Oh? Three foot one. -Three foot one. Be still my crotch. -Be still my crotch. Rose, Nathan's no midget, but he's asked me to move in with him. -Rose, Nathan's no midget, but he's asked me to move in with him. Yeah. My brother told me. -Yeah. My brother told me. And I think I'm going to. -And I think I'm going to. Stand on a stepladder sometimes. -"No maid service! For God's sake, can't you read the fucking ""do not disturb"" sign on the fucking doorknob?" Lila, it's Rosie. -Lila, it's Rosie. Go the fuck away, Rosie. -Go the fuck away, Rosie. Please, honey, let me in. -Please, honey, let me in. Rose, please go away. -Rose, please go away. Lila, I want to help you. -How'd you know where I was? Nathan told my brother. -Nathan told my brother. Your brother should have his license revoked. -Your brother should have his license revoked. Yeah, although I'm not going to turn him in. I like hearing the dirt. -Yeah, although I'm not going to turn him in. I like hearing the dirt. Why didn't your brother tell you that Nathan was having an affair? -I don't know, honey. I don't know. Maybe he just didn't want to get involved. Oh, Rosie. -Oh, Rosie. Let's get you out of here. Come stay with me until you get your strength back. Free electrolysis, if you want it! We'll get that face of yours cleared up in no time. -Done! Ready! -Uh, tie them up, Rosie. If you will. With pleasure. -I'm going to miss you. Oh, Rosie. -Oh, Rosie. And I'm going to miss the lifestyle having you as a client has afforded me. -And I'm going to miss the lifestyle having you as a client has afforded me. Shut up, you. -I like you so much, with or without hair. But don't spread that around. Bad for business. I'm really glad you two found each other. -I'll be in touch. No you won't. But it's okay. You have stuff you gotta do. -Meditations on a Banana Slug was a delightful read. Thank you so much. I love slugs. All slugs, not just banana slugs. -Thank you so much. I love slugs. All slugs, not just banana slugs. As do I. -As do I. "They're so even keel. They forge ahead with slow determination. They don't get distracted or side-tracked. They don't care what they look like. They don't care that people look at them and go, ""Ewww. A slug.""" -"They're so even keel. They forge ahead with slow determination. They don't get distracted or side-tracked. They don't care what they look like. They don't care that people look at them and go, ""Ewww. A slug.""" They don't seem to be especially ego driven, this is true. -They don't seem to be especially ego driven, this is true. You've got to respect that. -You've got to respect that. I have to say that I'm not there yet. -I have to say that I'm not there yet. Where? -Where? Slugdom. Sluggishness. Whatever you'd call it. I'm not there yet. I still have many human characteristics. -Slugdom. Sluggishness. Whatever you'd call it. I'm not there yet. I still have many human characteristics. That's not necessarily a bad thing. -That's not necessarily a bad thing. Yes. I suppose not. But still. One would like to move along. To move beyond. -Yes. I suppose not. But still. One would like to move along. To move beyond. I'm not sure we can escape our natures. Believe me I've tried. I'm not even so sure anymore that we should want to. -I'm not sure we can escape our natures. Believe me I've tried. I'm not even so sure anymore that we should want to. I love that you said that. It makes me feel a bit lighter. I've been rather heavy lately. Thinking about my childhood. Realizing how much a product I am of my upbringing. I've been seeing someone. A therapist. -I love that you said that. It makes me feel a bit lighter. I've been rather heavy lately. Thinking about my childhood. Realizing how much a product I am of my upbringing. I've been seeing someone. A therapist. You are a therapist, right? -You are a therapist, right? No no. I'm a psychologist, but I do research. I'm a behaviorist. I work with animals. Mice at the moment. -No no. I'm a psychologist, but I do research. I'm a behaviorist. I work with animals. Mice at the moment. I hope you don't perform any of those dreadful torture experiments, Nathan. -I hope you don't perform any of those dreadful torture experiments, Nathan. Heavens no. My work now is... Right now I'm teaching mice... well, table manners, to be candid. -Heavens no. My work now is... Right now I'm teaching mice... well, table manners, to be candid. How's it going? -How's it going? Quite well, really. It's a lot of work. A lot of reinforcement, mostly positive. Right now I've gotten two of my subjects to use napkins. Tiny napkins of course. -Quite well, really. It's a lot of work. A lot of reinforcement, mostly positive. Right now I've gotten two of my subjects to use napkins. Tiny napkins of course. Paper or cloth? -Paper or cloth? I hope you don't think me daft. It's important work. It's part of a larger sociological experiment. I'm federally funded. -I hope you don't think me daft. It's important work. It's part of a larger sociological experiment. I'm federally funded. What's the larger experiment? -What's the larger experiment? It's my thesis that if table manners can be taught to mice, they can be taught to humans. -It's my thesis that if table manners can be taught to mice, they can be taught to humans. Going out on a limb, aren't you, Nathan? -Going out on a limb, aren't you, Nathan? The truth is most people don't have table manners today. And when the foundations of civilized society crumble and disappear, civilized society in its entirely follows closely at its heels. -The truth is most people don't have table manners today. And when the foundations of civilized society crumble and disappear, civilized society in its entirely follows closely at its heels. I'm not sure. -I'm not sure. Courtesy, decorum, manners, are all sadly lacking from our daily intercourse. Rudeness, vulgarity, meanness are the norm. -Courtesy, decorum, manners, are all sadly lacking from our daily intercourse. Rudeness, vulgarity, meanness are the norm. We are animals after all. -We are animals after all. Ergo if I can teach table manners to mice, I can teach them to humans. If I can teach table manners to humans, I can save the world. -It looks wonderful. You look wonderful. I'm on top of the world tonight, Lila. Work is going splendidly and my personal life is ... -Um-mmm. Oh Nathan, this salad is delish... My God! The fork! The fork! -My God! The fork! The fork! I'm sorry? -I'm sorry? Tell her, Harold... It's just that... It's nothing. It's just that the outside fork is the salad fork. One goes from the outside in as the dinner progresses. -Tell her, Harold... It's just that... It's nothing. It's just that the outside fork is the salad fork. One goes from the outside in as the dinner progresses. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Nathan. I never really learned those things. -Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Nathan. I never really learned those things. No biggie. -Boy, this is good! I'm sorry that I became so upset. -I'm sorry that I became so upset. No, I'm sorry. I'm really backward in certain areas. -No, I'm sorry. I'm really backward in certain areas. It's only that I really enjoy your company and... -It's only that I really enjoy your company and... You do? -You do? Yes, and... -Yes, and... You really enjoy my company? -You really enjoy my company? Yes. Please don't talk with food in your mouth, Lila. Please. You're so pretty and it only mars your... I'm sorry. I'm being critical. -It's just that I have some peculiarities, and... I like you, too, Nathan. -I like you, too, Nathan. You do? -You do? Yeah But I have some peculiarities also. -Yeah But I have some peculiarities also. I don't care. I don't care! Like what, for example? -Actually, Mother and Father, you look very, very old. You look terrible. Nathan! -What are you doing in there? I'll be out in a minute. -I'll be out in a minute. I'm sorry about my parents. -I'm sorry about my parents. You didn't seem sorry when you were laughing at all your mother's stupid, tasteless, cruel animal jokes. -You didn't seem sorry when you were laughing at all your mother's stupid, tasteless, cruel animal jokes. I was simply attempting to keep the evening light. You know that I feel similarly to you about nature. -I was simply attempting to keep the evening light. You know that I feel similarly to you about nature. Do you? -Do you? Of course. I simply love the... naturalness of it all. -Do you? Oh do you, darling? Why certainly! -Oh, darling. I'm so relieved. Let's celebrate with a long hike in the woods tomorrow! That's a great idea. -It'll be wonderful! I'll show you my old stomping grounds! Terrific. Can't wait! -Shaving cream? I don't think so. Why? -Darling, did you bring the insect repellent lotion? Yes, darling. -Yes, darling. Oh, and the sun block? -Oh, and the sun block? Of course. -Of course. What SPF, sweetie? -What SPF, sweetie? Fifteen. -Fifteen. Perfectomundo! We are ready! Say, wouldn't it be wonderful to have an insect repellent lotion that also worked as a sun block? Think of all the time one would save. -Perfectomundo! We are ready! Say, wouldn't it be wonderful to have an insect repellent lotion that also worked as a sun block? Think of all the time one would save. Yes, darling. -Yes, darling. I think I'll get Johannsen in chemistry on that. Oh! Did you bring the first aid kit? -I think I'll get Johannsen in chemistry on that. Oh! Did you bring the first aid kit? Yes. -Yes. Flares? -Flares? Absolutely. -Absolutely. "We could call it ""Quit Bugging Me, Sunny."" Get it? Sunny. S-u-n-n-y." -"We could call it ""Quit Bugging Me, Sunny."" Get it? Sunny. S-u-n-n-y." That's very funny. -That's very funny. I love you so much. -Did you see that? What? -What? I don't know. Something. -I don't know. Something. A deer? -A deer? No. Too... upright. Might've been a person. -No. Too... upright. Might've been a person. It might behoove us to turn back at this point. -Come on. If it's a person, why should we go see it? It's not like it's nature or anything. It's just a person. Sometimes people who live in the woods don't want to be seen. They live in the woods because they're anti-social, Lila. We have to respect that. -You'll catch cold. It's cold. What do you suppose he is, a survivalist? I think he's feral. -I think he's feral. Feral? Don't touch him! He might be diseased! He might... My God, rabies! -Feral? Don't touch him! He might be diseased! He might... My God, rabies! He looks perfectly fine. -He looks perfectly fine. I think we should go. Please. Before he wakes up and, I don't know, eats us, or whatever feral things do. -I think we should go. Please. Before he wakes up and, I don't know, eats us, or whatever feral things do. I don't understand you. This is fascinating and you just want to run away. I mean, here we have a human being totally uncontaminated by civilization, totally free, and all you want to do is run back to your... -I don't understand you. This is fascinating and you just want to run away. I mean, here we have a human being totally uncontaminated by civilization, totally free, and all you want to do is run back to your... Actually, I just had an amusing thought. -Actually, I just had an amusing thought. What? -What? Feral, huh? Totally uncontaminated? -Feral, huh? Totally uncontaminated? Look at him. He doesn't understand English. He moves like an animal. -Look at him. He doesn't understand English. He moves like an animal. It's perfect! -It's perfect! Nathan, what the hell are you talking about? -Nathan, what the hell are you talking about? Forget mice! Actually forget guinea pigs, cats, monkeys, and chimps also. I'm on to stage five: The human subject. -Forget mice! Actually forget guinea pigs, cats, monkeys, and chimps also. I'm on to stage five: The human subject. Oh no. You can't take him from his home, Nathan. -Oh no. You can't take him from his home, Nathan. Don't you see? He's my Tabula Rasa, my Eliza Dolittle. He's my ticket to the top of the Behaviorist food chain. He's going to make me famous. -Don't you see? He's my Tabula Rasa, my Eliza Dolittle. He's my ticket to the top of the Behaviorist food chain. He's going to make me famous. I won't allow you. It's wrong. He's happy here. -I won't allow you. It's wrong. He's happy here. Is he, Lila? Is he happy living filthy and naked alone in this tick infested wilderness? Never to know the love of a good woman, never to revel in the pitter-patter of little feet, never to read Moby Dick, or marvel at a Monet, or just sit back after a day of hard but rewarding work, smoke a pipe, and wonder about the nature of reality. -Is he, Lila? Is he happy living filthy and naked alone in this tick infested wilderness? Never to know the love of a good woman, never to revel in the pitter-patter of little feet, never to read Moby Dick, or marvel at a Monet, or just sit back after a day of hard but rewarding work, smoke a pipe, and wonder about the nature of reality. You'd be taking away his freedom, Nathan. -You'd be taking away his freedom, Nathan. Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, Lila, to quote Janet Jackson. -...what is it that makes us human, if not the knowledge that we are indeed human? Think of this poor soul's education as the greatest gift we could bestow upon... All right. -All right. Great. Grab his feet. We'll throw him in the trunk. -What are you doing in there? Nothing. Be right out. -Who is it? Uh-huh. Right, Gabrielle. Right. -Who is it? Absolutely, Gabrielle. Someone from work! Sorry about that, Gabrielle. Uh-huh. Exactly. -Who from work? Excuse me one second, would you, Gabrielle? -It's hormonal, Nathan. I can't help it. I'm sorry. Your entire body? -Your entire body? I'm getting electrolysis. It's working, but it takes time. So meanwhile I have to... -I'm getting electrolysis. It's working, but it takes time. So meanwhile I have to... You have to shave? Like an ape? -You have to shave? Like an ape? Apes don't shave, you son of a bitch! -Apes don't shave, you son of a bitch! Don't quibble. You know what I mean. -Don't quibble. You know what I mean. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me for this. -I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me for this. Mad? I'm I'm... disgusted! -Mad? I'm I'm... disgusted! I'm the same person I was before you knew, damn it! Oh God! -I'm the same person I was before you knew, damn it! Oh God! I have to think! I have to think! -Was that okay? I mean, was I able to... satisfy you? You are an animal. -You are an animal. Really? Wow! That's that's terrific to hear from someone so... feminine, so female. -Really? Wow! That's that's terrific to hear from someone so... feminine, so female. I love being female because it, how do you say, allows me to be close to men. -I love being female because it, how do you say, allows me to be close to men. I'm glad you're female. Do you think our boy witnessed the primal scene? -So, how's it going today? Good. Making progress. -Good. Making progress. Honey, can we talk tonight? You know, about stuff? Things have been so strained for the past three weeks, since you know, and I just want to talk. -Everything's fine, honey. We don't need to talk. Besides I have to work late. Please, Nathan. I really need this. You've been working late a lot. -Are you seeing somebody else, Nathan? I just have to know. Of course not. -Of course not. It would just be helpful to know. -It would just be helpful to know. No. -No. Because, you know, you seem so distant. And you work late every night. And we hardly ever have sex, and when we do, it's... I don't know. It feels different. -Because, you know, you seem so distant. And you work late every night. And we hardly ever have sex, and when we do, it's... I don't know. It feels different. I'm just preoccupied. -I'm just preoccupied. Do you like my new look? -Do you like my new look? Yeah. It's nice. It's really good. -Yeah. It's nice. It's really good. I'm trying, you know. I'm trying to be what you want. I want to be what you want, Nathan. All I want is to be what you want. -I'm trying, you know. I'm trying to be what you want. I want to be what you want, Nathan. All I want is to be what you want. Shh. It's okay. It's okay, Lila. You're what I want. You know that. You're exactly what I want. -Shh. It's okay. It's okay, Lila. You're what I want. You know that. You're exactly what I want. Really? -Really? Sure. Of course. -Sure. Of course. Because I'm really trying, you know. Rosie says maybe only another two years of the elctrolysis. -Because I'm really trying, you know. Rosie says maybe only another two years of the elctrolysis. That's great. -That's great. I've signed up for a ballet class. And look at my nails! A real girl! -That's great. It's a great color for you. Oh, Nathan, let's have a baby! -Oh! I didn't see you there, sneaky boy! You're like a boy sneaking in... ...the back door of a movie theater. Yes, indeed. -...the back door of a movie theater. Yes, indeed. You remember that from my book? I'm touched! What's wrong? -You remember that from my book? I'm touched! What's wrong? Nothing. Hard day. Gonna have a drink. -Nothing. Hard day. Gonna have a drink. I'll make it. I'm so happy, Nathan! Everything's going to be so great! Scotch on the rocks, right? Just kidding. I know what you drink, mister. I know what you drink. Voila! -How's work? Cruddy, okay? Are you satisfied? -Cruddy, okay? Are you satisfied? No. I don't want your work to be cruddy. -No. I don't want your work to be cruddy. My assistant quit today. Okay? He was highly valuable to the project. -My assistant quit today. Okay? He was highly valuable to the project. Oh, baby. I'm sorry. Can't you hire somebody else? -Oh, baby. I'm sorry. Can't you hire somebody else? I guess. -Hey! I could come work for you! I know I haven't been all that supportive of this project, but I've come around. Have you? -Have you? Oh yes, baby! I think that this is a wonderful project you're doing, taking this poor unfortunate, uncivilized creature and turning him into a human being! What a wonderful wonderful compassionate man you are! -Oh yes, baby! I think that this is a wonderful project you're doing, taking this poor unfortunate, uncivilized creature and turning him into a human being! What a wonderful wonderful compassionate man you are! Really? -Really? Yes! And I want to help. You won't have to pay me, and I was thinking of giving up that crazy nature writing anyway. -Yes! And I want to help. You won't have to pay me, and I was thinking of giving up that crazy nature writing anyway. How come? -How come? Who needs it? I have you and I have being a woman and I have thinking about womanly things! I love being a woman because... -Who needs it? I have you and I have being a woman and I have thinking about womanly things! I love being a woman because... Such as what womanly things? -Such as what womanly things? Such as my man and how to please him! Such as making wonderful dinners for my man! Such as looking pretty for my man! And I'm writing an article on quilting for the Ladies Home Journal! -Such as my man and how to please him! Such as making wonderful dinners for my man! Such as looking pretty for my man! And I'm writing an article on quilting for the Ladies Home Journal! I had sold my fucking soul. -I had sold my fucking soul. I let her sell her soul. I stood by as she did it. It's inexcusable. At the time though I thought it might help. -Bravo to you, Puff! That was wonderful! -I think he's ready. Oh boy! -You just have to control it. We're not apes. Thank you very much for that. -Puff, I'm proud of you! You did remarkably well under difficult circumstances. Absolutely! -I'm going to go down and check on Puff. See how he's holding up. Should I come with? -Should I come with? Nah. You just relax. How's the book? -Nah. You just relax. How's the book? Ummm. It's good. -You were gone a long time. Yeah. Puff and I got into a big, philosophical discussion. He's really quite well read, considering he's only been literate for a month now. He's going to make us famous, Lila. -Yeah. Puff and I got into a big, philosophical discussion. He's really quite well read, considering he's only been literate for a month now. He's going to make us famous, Lila. So he's doing okay? -So he's doing okay? Seemed fine. Quiet evening enjoying his new digs. -Seemed fine. Quiet evening enjoying his new digs. "That's funny because, you know, I just went and picked him up at some flophouse on the lower eastside. He called here when he ran out of his ""mad"" money after spending an entire evening drinking, watching strippers, and fucking a whore! Oh, and what did you do tonight, honey?" -"That's funny because, you know, I just went and picked him up at some flophouse on the lower eastside. He called here when he ran out of his ""mad"" money after spending an entire evening drinking, watching strippers, and fucking a whore! Oh, and what did you do tonight, honey?" Shit. -Shit. And what did you do tonight, honey? -And what did you do tonight, honey? I've fallen in love with somebody else, Lila. -I've fallen in love with somebody else, Lila. And what did you do tonight, honey? -And what did you do tonight, honey? I fucked her! Okay? I fucked her. I'm sorry. But that's what the hell I did. -I fucked her! Okay? I fucked her. I'm sorry. But that's what the hell I did. Do you know what I gave up to be with you? -Do you know what I gave up to be with you? Yes. -Yes. I gave up my soul, my beliefs. I gave up my body hair! -I gave up my soul, my beliefs. I gave up my body hair! Yeah, well, I'm sorry. The human heart is a strange thing. -Yeah, well, I'm sorry. The human heart is a strange thing. How the hell would you know anything about the human heart? -How the hell would you know anything about the human heart? Lila... -Shut up! Yeah, this is Lila, cunt. And don't let the hirsutism fool you. I know more about being a woman, and more about the black hearts of men than you, in your pretty little powdered, bullshit fantasy world, can ever imagine. I know the darkness and cruelty of nature, sweetie pie. Lila, you don't intend to hurt us, do you? -Lila, you don't intend to hurt us, do you? Eat shit, thumbtack dick! Thank you, Frank. You're the best. -Aha! Finally. I've covered almost the entire seaboard and parts of eastern Ohio. Ugnh. -Look at you two. You both disgust me. Oook. Oook. -Oook. Oook. Shut up! I gave you... life. I created you in my image, Puff. I took you from this primordial ooze and brought you into the world of culture and art and manners. And this is how you repay me? By heading back to the ooze first chance you get? I should leave you here with Lila the ape woman. It would serve you right, you ungrateful piece of crap. But I'm not going to. You're too valuable to me. Totally selfish of me. You serve my purpose. But if you had any smarts you would realize that I serve your purpose as well. Life is so much more delightful when lived in a silk suit. -Shut up! I gave you... life. I created you in my image, Puff. I took you from this primordial ooze and brought you into the world of culture and art and manners. And this is how you repay me? By heading back to the ooze first chance you get? I should leave you here with Lila the ape woman. It would serve you right, you ungrateful piece of crap. But I'm not going to. You're too valuable to me. Totally selfish of me. You serve my purpose. But if you had any smarts you would realize that I serve your purpose as well. Life is so much more delightful when lived in a silk suit. Ooka. -Ooka. Don't worry, Lila. You can stay. I don't have any interest in you anymore. C'mon, monkey boy. -Good-eve-n-ing-lay-dees-and-gent- elmen. Bravo, Puff! Bravo! -Oh boy! Now, Puff, we're leaving on the electronic collar. I don't think we'll need to shock you, but just in case. -Now, Puff, we're leaving on the electronic collar. I don't think we'll need to shock you, but just in case. Okay. That's fair. -This is great, Puff. You're doing fine. I'm loving this. It's such a treat to be out and about. What a wonderful invention a city is. The immense buildings of glass and steel glinting in the afternoon sun, the smartly dressed women in their best summer frocks, the colorful street vendors. -I don't think this aversion therapy is really necessary, doctor. I understand the problem. Humor me, Puff. It's essential that I am able to trust you to function independently in the world. -Humor me, Puff. It's essential that I am able to trust you to function independently in the world. I bow to your expertise in these matters. -I bow to your expertise in these matters. Lila? -Excellent work, Puff. Extra desert tonight. Yahoo! -Yahoo! Tomorrow, the acid test. -Did I? I tried so hard! I really concentrated! Oh, I'm so happy! And because you did so well, we have a little surprise for you. -And because you did so well, we have a little surprise for you. Extra dessert? -Extra dessert? Even better. -"Free to come and go as you please. There's some ""mad money"" in the night table drawer." It's wonderful! Do you think I'm ready? Do you really? -It's wonderful! Do you think I'm ready? Do you really? I trust that you'll make good, mature decisions. I trust that you'll do the proper thing. -I trust that you'll make good, mature decisions. I trust that you'll do the proper thing. Oh, I will! Your very trust has instilled an enormous sense of responsibility in me. I don't want to disappoint you. -Oh, I will! Your very trust has instilled an enormous sense of responsibility in me. I don't want to disappoint you. Good. Remember, when in doubt: Don't ever do what you really want to do. -Good. Remember, when in doubt: Don't ever do what you really want to do. Got it. -Puff, why don't you say a few words to the assemblage. It would be my pleasure, doctor. Distinguished gentlemen and ladies of the psychological community, I stand before you today, a living testament to the amazing skill of Dr. Nathan Bronfman. To say that he took me from crayons to perfume would be a vast understatement. Dr. Bronfman took me from playing with my own feces, then to crayons, and then to an appreciation of the complex works of Franz Kline, Joseph Beuys, and Marcel Duchamp. From compulsive masturbation to... -Thanks to you, Nate. Thanks to you, Buddy. And your diligence and intelligence and perseverance. -And of course to you, my sweet, for your... moral support. here, here. -Interesting. Now, my diminutive friend, what can I do for you? -Ugnh. Oh please, is that as articulate as you can be after all the time I spent teaching you? We've discussed Wittgenstein, for Christ's sake. Not that you ever had anything very original or challenging to say on the subject. -Oh please, is that as articulate as you can be after all the time I spent teaching you? We've discussed Wittgenstein, for Christ's sake. Not that you ever had anything very original or challenging to say on the subject. Unn. -Unn. Down from the tree. Both of you. Keep your hands where I can see them. Don't want you pulling any weapons out of your fur. -Puff, put the gun down. Ounpoo. Ungh. -Ounpoo. Ungh. Let's be reasonable human beings here. We're all reasonable human beings, aren't we? -Let's be reasonable human beings here. We're all reasonable human beings, aren't we? Unka unka unka unka unka. -Unka unka unka unka unka. Look, why don't you and Lila stay here and have your natural life. I'll just go on my way. You'll never see me again. -Look, why don't you and Lila stay here and have your natural life. I'll just go on my way. You'll never see me again. I have to talk. Is that okay? -You did create me in your image, Nathan. Before you I was a simple, happy, complete being, in harmony with the world around me. After you I became duplicitous, cynical, angry, anal, totally out of touch with my surroundings. In a word, Nathan, I became you. Lila has reintroduced me to myself. And, incidentally, what I'm about to do, kill you, is something that would never have occurred to me to do as a creature of the Earth. Before when I killed, it was for food or in self-defense. Now I will kill for revenge. Revenge is an abstract concept, Nathan. And I learned abstract thinking from you. No. -So anyway, that's the nightmare I've been having lately. Do you suppose it has anything to do with Lila's unusually hairy body? -Do you suppose it has anything to do with Lila's unusually hairy body? No, why? -No, why? Well, it seems that since Lila broached the subject of children, you've been on edge and I know you have an issue with the, uh, body hair. -Well, it seems that since Lila broached the subject of children, you've been on edge and I know you have an issue with the, uh, body hair. Oh, I see. Yes, that's something to think about. That's very good. That's what you get the big bucks, right? Ha ha. -Oh, I see. Yes, that's something to think about. That's very good. That's what you get the big bucks, right? Ha ha. I just think it might be important to explore your feelings for Lila. -I just think it might be important to explore your feelings for Lila. I love Lila. I mean, she's a wonderful person. And... she loves me! That's no small potatoes. I mean she really loves me. She's sacrificed so much to be in this relationship with me. And she's a good person. A truly good person. How rare is that in this world, eh? And how could I stop loving somebody because of a little physical imperfection, if it can even be called that. I mean, God knows I'm not perfect! What about my eyesight? It's lousy, that's what! Lila's not going to leave me because of my eyesight. What about my penis? -I love Lila. I mean, she's a wonderful person. And... she loves me! That's no small potatoes. I mean she really loves me. She's sacrificed so much to be in this relationship with me. And she's a good person. A truly good person. How rare is that in this world, eh? And how could I stop loving somebody because of a little physical imperfection, if it can even be called that. I mean, God knows I'm not perfect! What about my eyesight? It's lousy, that's what! Lila's not going to leave me because of my eyesight. What about my penis? And how do you feel about Gabrielle? -Wait! Yes? -Yes? I saw you on C-Span. I've been looking for you for thirty years. Then there you were, such a beautiful, beautiful grown man. -Mother? Yes... Derek. -It's a pleasure to meet you, mother. But I'm an ape like dad was... And I have to go back into the woods now... forever. Yes, I suppose so. I suppose I knew that was going to be what you would say. It's good to see you again though. -Yes, I suppose so. I suppose I knew that was going to be what you would say. It's good to see you again though. Yes. -Yes. I'm in the book, if you ever want to drop me a line or something. -I'm in the book, if you ever want to drop me a line or something. I'm an ape, mom. I'm an ape. And apes don't drop lines. -Boys just passing through? Yep. -Yep. Pittsburgh? -Pittsburgh? Mm hmm. -Mm hmm. Comin' in or goin' out? -Comin' in or goin' out? Goin' in. We got a sales convention. Gotta be there tomorrow. -Goin' in. We got a sales convention. Gotta be there tomorrow. What do you guys sell? -Thanks. Sure is a hot day for driving. Late afternoon is better. You guys have plenty of time. Make Pittsburgh in two, maybe three hours. Hey, he's right! Whaddya say, Charlie, huh? Play a little pool? Wait out the heat? -About sixty, seventy bucks. Next game, ten bucks. -Give me some bourbon. J. T. S. Brown. You want a chaser? -You want a chaser? No. -Hey, another one for me and another one for the lady. Check! -Check! You look different... More relaxed. -Give me a bottle of beer. Right. -Huh? It's open... What'll you have? -You sure you going to be comfortable enough there, Miss... ah... ? Packard. Sarah Packard. -Packard. Sarah Packard. It always takes me a little while to get a name fixed in my mind. Are you sure you don't want anything? -It always takes me a little while to get a name fixed in my mind. Are you sure you don't want anything? No, I'm fine. -No, I'm fine. You, uh, you ever been to Louisville during Derby week, Miss, ah, Packard? -You, uh, you ever been to Louisville during Derby week, Miss, ah, Packard? I've never been to Louisville. -I've never been to Louisville. Lots of action. Lots of money. Lots of class. You'll see some of the best-dressed and most beautiful women in the world at the races. Knock your eye out. -I'm ready. Soon as I finish my coffee. -What makes you know so much? How do you know what Eddie was thinking? I know. Been there myself. We've all been there, haven't we, Miss Packard? -Doesn't your lighter work, Mr. Gordon? Oh, I forgot all about it. How's the hands? -It's all right, Eddie. I'm sure Mr. Gordon meant no offense. It was a figure of speech. That's right, Miss Packard. -That's right, Miss Packard. And a fact is a fact. -And a fact is a fact. She's a smart girl, Eddie. -Oh, wait a minute, Miss Packard. We're neighbors now. You can call me Sarah. -I want to talk to you. Do we need words? -Do we need words? Yeah, I think we do. We could try to cut each other up. But that would be bad for everybody. Bad for me, bad for you. And worst of all, be bad for Eddie. -Yeah, I think we do. We could try to cut each other up. But that would be bad for everybody. Bad for me, bad for you. And worst of all, be bad for Eddie. You know what's good for him? -You know what's good for him? To win. -To win. For whom and for what? -For whom and for what? For what makes the world go round. For money, and for glory. -For what makes the world go round. For money, and for glory. You didn't answer my first question. For whom? -You didn't answer my first question. For whom? All right. Today for me, tomorrow for himself. -All right. Today for me, tomorrow for himself. No, there's no tomorrow. Not with you. You own all the tomorrows because you buy them today, and you buy cheap. -No, there's no tomorrow. Not with you. You own all the tomorrows because you buy them today, and you buy cheap. Well, nobody has to sell. -You bastard. Listen, Miss Ladybird, you're here on a rain check and I know it. You're hanging on by your nails. You let that glory whistle blow loud and clear for Eddie and you're a wreck on a railroad track. You're a horse that finished last. So don't make trouble, Miss Ladybird. Live and let live. While you can. -I'll make it up to you. How? -How? You tell me. -Are you ready for another? Thank you. -In a little while. That's what you want, isn't it? It's what Eddie wants. He, uh, told me to give you some money. -Put it on the bed. That's the way it's done, isn't it? That's the way it's done. -That's the way it's done. And the way you're looking at me, is that the way you look at a man you've just beaten? As if you'd just taken his money, and now all you want is... his pride? -And the way you're looking at me, is that the way you look at a man you've just beaten? As if you'd just taken his money, and now all you want is... his pride? All I want's the money. -All I want's the money. Sure, sure, just the money, and the aristocratic pleasure of seeing him fall apart. You're a Roman, Bert. You have to win them all. -Could be. Well, Mr. Felson, maybe you could come out to my place some evening. We could play a few games of billiards. -We'll be there. Good, good. -Oh, we'll start small... a hundred dollars a game. You ever played billiards before? -I'm sure Mr. Felson knows what he's doing. Certainly you can afford a hundred dollars to find out. Deal the cards. -How much? Oh, about five hundred. -Oh, about five hundred. Do you really think you can beat him? -Do you really think you can beat him? Of course he thinks he can beat me, Bert. He wouldn't be playing me if he didn't. Right, Felson? -Of course he thinks he can beat me, Bert. He wouldn't be playing me if he didn't. Right, Felson? I didn't ask him can he beat you. I already know he can beat you. I asked him will he? With Eddie, that's two different things. -Have you noticed, Bert? This fellow here bears a striking resemblance to you. It seems as though you might have modeled for the artist. It's possible. -That seems a shame. The night is young. The night is two thousand dollars old. -Will you take a check, Bert? Cash. -Cash. How much do I owe you? -How much do I owe you? Twelve thousand. -Hey, mister. The name's Gordon. Bert Gordon. -The name's Gordon. Bert Gordon. Mister. You been sittin' in that spot for hours. Would you mind moving? It bothers me. -Stay with this kid. He's a loser. What did he say? -Okay? Sit down. -Make it twenty. Cut. -Cut. Deal. -Bourbon. J. T. S. Brown. Two. -I'm buyin'. Thought you only drank milk. -Thought you only drank milk. Only when I work. -Only when I work. Yeah? Why? -Yeah? Why? I like it. It's good for you. Besides, you start drinking whisky gambling and it gives you an excuse for losing. That's something you don't need -- an excuse for losing. How did you make out in the poker game? -I like it. It's good for you. Besides, you start drinking whisky gambling and it gives you an excuse for losing. That's something you don't need -- an excuse for losing. How did you make out in the poker game? I lost twenty bucks. -I lost twenty bucks. Poker's not your game. -Poker's not your game. What is? -What is? Pool. -Pool. You being cute? -You being cute? I don't think there's a pool player alive shoots better pool than I saw you shoot the other night at Ames. You got talent. -I don't think there's a pool player alive shoots better pool than I saw you shoot the other night at Ames. You got talent. So I got talent. So what beat me? -So I got talent. So what beat me? Character. -Character. Yeah. Sure, sure. -Yeah. Sure, sure. You're damned right I'm sure. Everybody's got talent. I got talent. You think you can play big-money straight pool, or poker, for forty straight hours on nothing but talent? You think they call Minnesota Fats the best in the country just 'cause he's got talent? Nah. Minnesota Fats's got more character in one finger than you got in your whole skinny body. -You're damned right I'm sure. Everybody's got talent. I got talent. You think you can play big-money straight pool, or poker, for forty straight hours on nothing but talent? You think they call Minnesota Fats the best in the country just 'cause he's got talent? Nah. Minnesota Fats's got more character in one finger than you got in your whole skinny body. I got drunk. -I got drunk. He drank as much whisky as you did. -He drank as much whisky as you did. Maybe he knows how to drink. -Maybe he knows how to drink. You bet he knows how. You think that's a talent too, huh? Knowin' how to drink whisky? You think Minnesota Fats was born knowin' how to drink? -You bet he knows how. You think that's a talent too, huh? Knowin' how to drink whisky? You think Minnesota Fats was born knowin' how to drink? Okay, okay... What do I do now, lie down on the floor and, uh, bow from the ankles? What do I do, go home? -Okay, okay... What do I do now, lie down on the floor and, uh, bow from the ankles? What do I do, go home? That's your problem. -That's your problem. So I stay. Stay until I hustle up enough to play Fats again. Maybe by that time I'll develop myself some character. -Maybe by that time you'll die of old age. How much do you think you'll, uh, need? A thousand. -A thousand. No, three thousand at least. He'll start you off at five hundred a game -- he'll beat the pants off you. That's the way he plays when he comes up against a man who knows the way the game is. He'll beat you flat four or five games -- maybe more, depending on how, uh... steady your nerves are. But he might -- he just might be a little scared of you, and that could change things. But I wouldn't count on it. -No, three thousand at least. He'll start you off at five hundred a game -- he'll beat the pants off you. That's the way he plays when he comes up against a man who knows the way the game is. He'll beat you flat four or five games -- maybe more, depending on how, uh... steady your nerves are. But he might -- he just might be a little scared of you, and that could change things. But I wouldn't count on it. How do you know? Huh? When nobody knows that much? -How do you know? Huh? When nobody knows that much? See that big car parked out by the fireplug on the way in? Well, that's mine. I like that car. But I get a new one every year because I make it my business to know what guys like you and Minnesota Fats are gonna do. I made enough off of you the other night to pay for it twice over. -See that big car parked out by the fireplug on the way in? Well, that's mine. I like that car. But I get a new one every year because I make it my business to know what guys like you and Minnesota Fats are gonna do. I made enough off of you the other night to pay for it twice over. In that case, you owe me another drink. -Eddie, is it all right if I get personal? Whaddya been so far? -Whaddya been so far? Eddie, you're a born loser. -Eddie, you're a born loser. What's that supposed to mean? -What's that supposed to mean? First time in ten years I ever saw Minnesota Fats hooked, really hooked. But you let him off. -First time in ten years I ever saw Minnesota Fats hooked, really hooked. But you let him off. I told you. I got drunk. -I told you. I got drunk. Sure, you got drunk. That's the best excuse in the world for losing. No trouble losing when you got a good excuse. And winning! That can be heavy on your back too. Like a monkey. You drop that load too when you got an excuse. All you gotta do is learn to feel sorry for yourself. It's one of the best indoor sports: feeling sorry for yourself -- a sport enjoyed by all, especially the born losers. -Sure, you got drunk. That's the best excuse in the world for losing. No trouble losing when you got a good excuse. And winning! That can be heavy on your back too. Like a monkey. You drop that load too when you got an excuse. All you gotta do is learn to feel sorry for yourself. It's one of the best indoor sports: feeling sorry for yourself -- a sport enjoyed by all, especially the born losers. Thanks for the drink. -Thanks for the drink. Wait a minute. Maybe I can help you. -Wait a minute. Maybe I can help you. To do what? -To do what? Get the three thousand. Play Minnesota Fats again. -Get the three thousand. Play Minnesota Fats again. Why? -Why? Ten reasons. Maybe fifteen. And also there's something in it for me. -Ten reasons. Maybe fifteen. And also there's something in it for me. Oh yeah, I figured that. How much? -Oh yeah, I figured that. How much? Seventy-five per cent. -Seventy-five per cent. For who? -For who? For me. -For me. That's a -- that's a pretty big slice. Who do you think you are, General Motors? -That's a -- that's a pretty big slice. Who do you think you are, General Motors? How much you think you're worth these days? I'm puttin' up the money, I'm puttin' up the time. For that I get seventy-five per cent return on my money -- if you win. -How much you think you're worth these days? I'm puttin' up the money, I'm puttin' up the time. For that I get seventy-five per cent return on my money -- if you win. You think I can lose? -You think I can lose? I never saw you do anything else. -I never saw you do anything else. You saw me beat Minnesota Fats for eighteen thousand dollars. -You saw me beat Minnesota Fats for eighteen thousand dollars. Look, you wanna hustle pool, don't you? This game isn't like football. Nobody pays you for yardage. When you hustle you keep score real simple. The end of the game you count up your money. That's how you find out who's best. That's the only way. -Look, you wanna hustle pool, don't you? This game isn't like football. Nobody pays you for yardage. When you hustle you keep score real simple. The end of the game you count up your money. That's how you find out who's best. That's the only way. Why back me then? Why not back yourself? Go find yourself a big fat poker game and get rich. You know all the angles. -Why back me then? Why not back yourself? Go find yourself a big fat poker game and get rich. You know all the angles. I'm already rich. But I like action. That's one thing I think you're good for is action. Besides, like I say... you got talent. -I'm already rich. But I like action. That's one thing I think you're good for is action. Besides, like I say... you got talent. Yeah, you already told me that. You cut that slice down to bite-size and maybe we can talk. -Yeah, you already told me that. You cut that slice down to bite-size and maybe we can talk. No, we don't talk. I don't make bad bets. Seventy-five, twenty-five. That's it. -No, we don't talk. I don't make bad bets. Seventy-five, twenty-five. That's it. Kiss off. -Hey, wait. What are you gonna do about the money? There are places. I'll scuffle around. -There are places. I'll scuffle around. Word's out on you, Eddie. You walk in the wrong kind of place and they'll eat you alive. -Word's out on you, Eddie. You walk in the wrong kind of place and they'll eat you alive. Now, when did you adopt me? -Now, when did you adopt me? I don't know when it was. -Hello, Eddie. Hi. How's business? -Hi. How's business? Ahh, slow... Why the open hand bridge? Something wrong with your hand? -Ahh, slow... Why the open hand bridge? Something wrong with your hand? Yeah. Had a little accident. A place called Arthur's. -Yeah. Had a little accident. A place called Arthur's. Oh. You seem to do all right that way. -Oh. You seem to do all right that way. I'd say my game is about twenty per cent off. Maybe more. -I'd say my game is about twenty per cent off. Maybe more. What happened? Somebody step on your hands? -What happened? Somebody step on your hands? Yeah. Big creep. Broke my thumbs. -Yeah. Big creep. Broke my thumbs. Man named Turk Baker? -Man named Turk Baker? You know everybody, don't you? -You know everybody, don't you? Everybody who can hurt me, everybody who can help me. It pays. -Everybody who can hurt me, everybody who can help me. It pays. Maybe you oughta give me lessons. -Maybe you oughta give me lessons. Sign up. -Sign up. Where do I sign? -Where do I sign? The first match I got in mind for you is in Louisville, Kentucky. -The first match I got in mind for you is in Louisville, Kentucky. You name the place, boss. I'll be there. -You name the place, boss. I'll be there. What happened to you anyway? -What happened to you anyway? Like I told ya. My thumbs. -Like I told ya. My thumbs. No, I don't mean the thumbs. You already told me about the thumbs. -No, I don't mean the thumbs. You already told me about the thumbs. I been thinking. -I been thinking. Thinking about what? -Thinking about what? Maybe I'm not such a high-class piece of property right now. And a twenty- five per cent slice of something big is better than a hundred per cent slice of nothin'. -Maybe I'm not such a high-class piece of property right now. And a twenty- five per cent slice of something big is better than a hundred per cent slice of nothin'. Hey, get us a couple of drinks here, will ya? J. T. S. Brown. -Sarah Packard... Bert Gordon. Miss Packard. How do you do? -James Findley is a very rich man. Grandfather left him twenty per cent of a tobacco company. What? And he -- he hustles pool? -What? And he -- he hustles pool? He's a gentleman. Gentleman gambler. He gets his kicks playing with hustlers. He's got an old Southern mansion with a pool table in the basement, drinks eight-year-old bourbon, smokes cork-tipped cigarettes. -He's a gentleman. Gentleman gambler. He gets his kicks playing with hustlers. He's got an old Southern mansion with a pool table in the basement, drinks eight-year-old bourbon, smokes cork-tipped cigarettes. How good is he? -How good is he? I don't know. Never saw him play. They say he's one of the best. -You must have a lot of confidence in me. I don't. But I got confidence in Findley. -I don't. But I got confidence in Findley. What's that supposed to mean? -What's that supposed to mean? Means I got confidence that he's a loser. All the way a loser. You happen to be about only one-half loser -- the other half, winner. I'm finished. -Here, I got it. No, no. When you play for me, I pick up all the tabs. -Fats knew the game was in the clutch, knew he had to do something to stop ya. He played it smart. I played that game, Bert. In my head I played it a thousand times. -I played that game, Bert. In my head I played it a thousand times. Play it again. Learn something. Fats went in the john, see? Washed his face, cleaned his fingernails, made his mind a blank, combed his hair, came back all ready to go. You were through. You saw him, you saw how he looked. Clean, all set to start all over again. Hold tight and push hard. You know what you were doing? You were waitin' to get beat. Flattened out on your butt, swimmin' around in glory. And whisky. Probably deciding how you could lose. -Fine. Good. I'd hate to think I was putting my money on a cripple. -Good. I'd hate to think I was putting my money on a cripple. Hey, whaddya say something like that for? -You know, that's real sweet music in there. You can almost smell the action and the money. You know, I can feel it right down in the bottom of my shoes. Come on, let's go... -Hey, Findley's here. Where? -Where? Over there by the bar. -Aren't you gonna go over and talk to him? Nah. Sit tight. He'll be over here. -So does Eddie. Well, I win sometimes. -What's the matter? What happened? It's all right. She had a little too much to drink, that's all. Forget it. Go upstairs and sleep it off. -Well, we won't. C'mon, Bert. Let me play him. -C'mon, Bert. Let me play him. How much? -Sure. You hustlin' me? -How do we stand? 'Bout even. -'Bout even. When do I raise the bet? -When do I raise the bet? I don't know. -I don't know. Bert, if that's his best game, I can beat him. -Bert, if that's his best game, I can beat him. Level with me, Eddie. You ever play billiards before? -Level with me, Eddie. You ever play billiards before? What's the difference? You got a pool cue, balls on the table. All you gotta do is get the feel of it. -I can beat him. All right. Five hundred. -I'll beat him the next game. How're the hands? -How're the hands? They're fine. -They're fine. Well, rack up your cue. We're leavin'. -Hey, Bert. Wait a minute! I said we're leavin'. -I can beat him, Bert. Now he suckered me 'cause he knows how to hustle. I didn't think he did. But I can outplay him. I can beat him. I don't believe you, Eddie. I think you're still a loser. -I don't believe you, Eddie. I think you're still a loser. All right, then. I'll play him with my own money. -Please don't get off me now. I know when to quit. You don't. Win or lose, you don't know when to quit. -I know when to quit. You don't. Win or lose, you don't know when to quit. What do you want me to do, huh? What do you want me to do? Just say it and you got it but PLEASE don't get off me now. -I wanna walk. It's a long walk. -It's a long walk. I got time, Bert. -I got time, Bert. You want me to tell her for you? -You want me to tell her for you? Tell her what? -Tell her what? You gotta be hard, Eddie. -Eddie?... YOU OWE ME MONEY! And just how do you figure that, Bert? What do you figure I owe you? -And just how do you figure that, Bert? What do you figure I owe you? Half. -Half. In Louisville it was seventy-five per cent. -In Louisville it was seventy-five per cent. Well, here it's half. -Well, here it's half. What if I don't pay ya, Bert? -What if I don't pay ya, Bert? You don't pay me? You gonna get your thumbs broken. And your fingers. And if I want them to, your right arm in three or four places. -So you figure you're still my manager, huh? I'm a businessman, kid. -I'm a businessman, kid. Well, you got a lot of games lined up for me? -Well, you got a lot of games lined up for me? Yeah, we're gonna make a lotta money together, from now on. -Yeah, we're gonna make a lotta money together, from now on. Fifty per cent? -Fifty per cent? No, it don't have to be fifty. It can be thirty... twenty-five. -No, it don't have to be fifty. It can be thirty... twenty-five. We really stuck the knife in her, didn't we, Bert? -We really stuck the knife in her, didn't we, Bert? Aaaahhhh! -Aaaahhhh! Boy, we really gave it to her good. -Boy, we really gave it to her good. If it didn't happen in Louisville, it'd happened someplace else. If it didn't happen now, it'd happen six months from now. That's the kinda dame she was. -If it didn't happen in Louisville, it'd happened someplace else. If it didn't happen now, it'd happen six months from now. That's the kinda dame she was. And we twisted it, didn't we, Bert? Course, maybe that doesn't stick in your throat cause you spit it out just like you spit out everything else. But it sticks in mine. I loved her, Bert. I traded her in on a pool game. But that wouldn't mean anything to you. Because who did you ever care about? Just win, win, you said, win, that's the important thing. You don't know what winnin' is, Bert. You're a loser. 'Cause you're dead inside, and you can't live unless you make everything else dead around ya. -Maybe. You want to play? No. Hell, no! You Eddie Felson? -No. Hell, no! You Eddie Felson? Who's he? -Who's he? What's your game? What do you shoot? -What's your game? What do you shoot? You name it, we shoot it. -You name it, we shoot it. Look, friend, I'm not trying to hustle. I don't never hustle people that walk into poolrooms with leather satchels. Don't try to hustle me. -Look, friend, I'm not trying to hustle. I don't never hustle people that walk into poolrooms with leather satchels. Don't try to hustle me. Okay, I'm Eddie Felson. I shoot straight pool. You got any straight pool shooters in this here poolroom? -Okay, I'm Eddie Felson. I shoot straight pool. You got any straight pool shooters in this here poolroom? What kind of straight pool game you like? -What kind of straight pool game you like? The expensive kind. -The expensive kind. Come up here to play straight pool with Minnesota Fats? -Come up here to play straight pool with Minnesota Fats? Yeah, that's right. -Yeah, that's right. Want some free advice? -He's my partner. You well-heeled, partner? -You got that wrong, mister. I am. Okay, I told you what I wanted about Minnesota Fats. You just go ahead and play him, friend. -Okay, I told you what I wanted about Minnesota Fats. You just go ahead and play him, friend. Just tell me where I can find him, friend. -Just tell me where I can find him, friend. Comes right in this poolroom every night, eight o'clock on the nose. Just stay where you are. He'll find you. -Druggist supplies. Buster here is gonna get an award. No, he sold seventeen thousand bucks' worth of stuff last month. Fastest boy in the territory. Yep. Fastest and the bestest... Hey, give us another round, will ya? One for him, one for yourself. -It's gonna cost ya money. It always does. Oh, come on, stop stalling. Grab yourself a cue. -You ought to take up crap shooting. Talk about luck! Luck! Whaddya mean, luck? -Luck! Whaddya mean, luck? You know what I mean. You couldn't make that shot again in a million years. -You know what I mean. You couldn't make that shot again in a million years. I couldn't, huh? Okay. Go ahead. Set 'em up the way they were before. -I couldn't, huh? Okay. Go ahead. Set 'em up the way they were before. Why? -Why? Go ahead. Set 'em up the way they were before. Bet ya twenty bucks. Make that shot just the way I made it before. -Go ahead. Set 'em up the way they were before. Bet ya twenty bucks. Make that shot just the way I made it before. Nobody can make that shot and you know it. Not even a lucky lush. -Set 'em up again... C'mon, set 'em up again. You're drunk, boy. I'm not gonna bet ya any more. -You're drunk, boy. I'm not gonna bet ya any more. Whaddya mean? -Whaddya mean? Let's get back on the road. You gotta be at that convention in the morning. -Let's get back on the road. You gotta be at that convention in the morning. Up the flagpole with the convention. C'mon, Charlie. You're into me now. I got my money on the table. -Up the flagpole with the convention. C'mon, Charlie. You're into me now. I got my money on the table. I don't want it. -Well... well, now. Don't be a chump. Don't bet any more money on that damn fool shot. -Don't be a chump. Don't bet any more money on that damn fool shot. Well, now... I mean, you figure I'm a little drunk, and I'm loaded on the hip, and you just want in, real friendly, while the money's still floating, huh? Okay... Go ahead. Set 'em up. -It's quiet. Yeah, like a church. Church of the Good Hustler. -Yeah, like a church. Church of the Good Hustler. Looks more like a morgue to me. Those pool tables are the slabs they lay the stiffs on. -Looks more like a morgue to me. Those pool tables are the slabs they lay the stiffs on. I'll be alive when I get out, Charlie. -Ten grand. I'm gonna win ten grand in one night. ...Well, who's gonna beat me? C'mon, Charlie, who's gonna beat me? Okay... Okay. Nobody can beat you. -Okay... Okay. Nobody can beat you. Ten grand! I mean, what other poolroom is there in the country where a guy can walk out with ten grand in one night? Jeez, you know, I can remember hustling an old man for a dime a game. -How do you feel? Fast and loose, man. -Fast and loose, man. In the gut, I mean. -In the gut, I mean. I feel tight -- but good. -Quit. He's too good. Charlie, I'm gonna take him. -Hey, how much are we ahead? Approximately? One thousand bucks. -Approximately? One thousand bucks. Fats, let's you and I shoot a game of pool for a thousand dollars a game. -How much we got? Eleven thousand four hundred, cash. Here in my pocket. -Eleven thousand four hundred, cash. Here in my pocket. Preacher, go on down and get me some breakfast, will ya? Egg sandwich and a cup of coffee. You want something, Charlie? -Preacher, go on down and get me some breakfast, will ya? Egg sandwich and a cup of coffee. You want something, Charlie? Now wait a minute. You're coming with me. You're gonna eat breakfast at the hotel. Pool game is over. -Now wait a minute. You're coming with me. You're gonna eat breakfast at the hotel. Pool game is over. No, it isn't, Charlie. -No, it isn't, Charlie. Eddie... -Eddie... The pool game is over when Fats says it's over. -The pool game is over when Fats says it's over. You wanted ten thousand? You got ten thousand. -You wanted ten thousand? You got ten thousand. Ah, get with it, will ya, Charlie? -Ah, get with it, will ya, Charlie? Get with what? -Get with what? You can't see it, can you, Charlie? I mean, you've never been able to see it. I came after him. And I'm gonna get him. I'm goin' with him all the way. The pool game is not over until Minnesota Fats says it's over. Is it over, Fats? -Twenty-five hours, Eddie. Twenty- five hours you been playin' straight. Give me a drink, will ya? -Give me a drink, will ya? You don't need a drink. -You don't need a drink. Will you shut up... Just give me a drink. -What are you trying to do, Eddie? You beat him. You beat him bad. You wanna kill yourself? What are ya, chicken, Charlie? -What are ya, chicken, Charlie? Well, maybe that's it. I'm chicken. -Well, maybe that's it. I'm chicken. Go on home. Just leave me the money. -Go on home. Just leave me the money. Go to hell. -Go to hell. Charlie, boy, you better give me that money. C'mon now, give it to me. It's mine. -Charlie, boy, you better give me that money. C'mon now, give it to me. It's mine. Okay, here... Be a damn fool. -Is this all we got left? If that's all you got, that's all we got left. -Hello, Charlie... C'mon in... That's my girl. Hello, Eddie's girl... I looked all over for you. -Hello, Eddie's girl... I looked all over for you. Oh yeah? How'd you find me? -Oh yeah? How'd you find me? I asked around. -Oh, I don't want to be no bother to nobody. Oh, don't play it small, Charlie. It don't look good on you. -Oh, don't play it small, Charlie. It don't look good on you. How do you want me to play it? I'm broke. -How do you want me to play it? I'm broke. So am I... Sit down. Would you get us a couple of drinks? -You walked out on me like that. No goodbye, no nothing. Like a thief in the dark. We were partners. We were more than partners. He was like a... like -- A son. -A son. "Yeah, yeah, like a son. I've known this boy since he was sixteen. The first time I saw him, back in Oakland, I said, ""This is a talented boy. This is a smart boy.""" -"Yeah, yeah, like a son. I've known this boy since he was sixteen. The first time I saw him, back in Oakland, I said, ""This is a talented boy. This is a smart boy.""" Talk to me, Charlie. -Talk to me, Charlie. I want you to come back on the road with me. -I want you to come back on the road with me. Aah! I've got no stomach for that any more. I've had that kind of life. -Aah! I've got no stomach for that any more. I've had that kind of life. What kind of life have you got here? Scufflin' around the small rooms, picking up eight, ten bucks a day? -What kind of life have you got here? Scufflin' around the small rooms, picking up eight, ten bucks a day? I'll connect. I'll get you your money back. -I'll connect. I'll get you your money back. Are you figuring on going back to Ames to play Minnesota Fats again? Is that what's on your mind? -Are you figuring on going back to Ames to play Minnesota Fats again? Is that what's on your mind? Never been out of it. I'm gonna beat that fat man... with that curly hair, and those diamond rings, and that carnation. -Never been out of it. I'm gonna beat that fat man... with that curly hair, and those diamond rings, and that carnation. This boy's crazy. They wiped the floor with him. They beat his brains out and he wants to go back. What for? To take another beating? -This boy's crazy. They wiped the floor with him. They beat his brains out and he wants to go back. What for? To take another beating? I told you you'd get your money back. -I told you you'd get your money back. He thinks I care about the money. I care about you. Do you care about me, Eddie? We're together a long time, night and day. So how do you say goodbye? You gimme the car and a hundred bucks. You think I care about the dough, the car? I care about you. This boy is the greatest pool hustler you ever saw. A real high-class con man. He can charm anybody into anything. Did he ever tell you how well we were doing on the road? We had everything: we ate good, we slept late, we had money to burn. Whisky, dames... Excuse me... I'll tell you what -- take her along. -With what? Don't worry about it. I'll raise the money. -Don't worry about it. I'll raise the money. Oh yeah? Where? -Oh yeah? Where? What's the difference where? I'll raise it. Is it all right if I have another drink? -HOW MUCH?! My twenty-five per cent. Approximately fifteen hundred bucks. -My twenty-five per cent. Approximately fifteen hundred bucks. Oh, you crumb. With that fifteen hundred I coulda beat him. That's all I needed, Charlie. -Oh, you crumb. With that fifteen hundred I coulda beat him. That's all I needed, Charlie. Aw, Eddie. -Aw, Eddie. C'mon, c'mon, just give me the money. -C'mon, c'mon, just give me the money. What for? To play Fats again? -What for? To play Fats again? Yeah, to play Fats again. -Yeah, to play Fats again. You wanna come back on the road with me, okay, the money's yours. But if you wanna give it to Minnesota Fats... nothing doing. What do you say? -You wanna come back on the road with me, okay, the money's yours. But if you wanna give it to Minnesota Fats... nothing doing. What do you say? You still don't see it, do you, Charlie? You are nothing but a small- time Charlie. You'd love to keep me hustling for you, huh? Wouldn't ya? I mean, a couple more years with me, scuffling around them little towns and those back alleys. You might make yourself enough to get a little poolroom back in Oakland. Six tables and a handbook on the side. Is that when you say goodbye to me, Charlie? -You still don't see it, do you, Charlie? You are nothing but a small- time Charlie. You'd love to keep me hustling for you, huh? Wouldn't ya? I mean, a couple more years with me, scuffling around them little towns and those back alleys. You might make yourself enough to get a little poolroom back in Oakland. Six tables and a handbook on the side. Is that when you say goodbye to me, Charlie? Is that what you think? -Is that what you think? Yeah, that's what I think. -Yeah, that's what I think. All right. That's what I want. Poolroom with a little handbook on the side. Getting old. -All right. That's what I want. Poolroom with a little handbook on the side. Getting old. Lay down and die by yourself. Don't take me with you. -Just like that? Yeah. Just like that. -No, no more for me. Well, hello. Haven't seen you in a long time. -Findley. Glad to meet you. -Glad to meet you. And I you. I think I've heard about you, Mr. Felson. You play pocket billiards, don't you? -And I you. I think I've heard about you, Mr. Felson. You play pocket billiards, don't you? Now and then. Why, do you? -Now and then. Why, do you? A little, although I'm afraid I generally lose. -I'll bet you do, Mr. Felson. I'll just bet you do. How much? -How much? Bert, I believe Mr. Felson's making a proposition. -When? You're very direct, Mr. Felson. -You're very direct, Mr. Felson. That's right. When? -That's right. When? Would you like to come out tonight? -Would you like to come out tonight? What time? -What time? I'm having some people over for drinks right after the races. Why don't you all come over? Then about nine, ten o'clock we can play. -You gentlemen care for a drink? No, none for me. Come on, let's play. -No, none for me. Come on, let's play. By all means. -I thought we came here to play pool. I don't play pool, Mr. Felson. I play billiards. My house, my game. You don't have to play if you don't want to. -Beautiful shot, Felson. Beautiful. You've played billiards before, Mr. Felson. Ah, you gentlemen sure you don't care for a drink? Oh no, nothing for me. -Like to raise the stakes, Mr. Felson? Okay? -There it is. I'm broke. Ah, that's unfortunate, Mr. Felson. -Ah, that's unfortunate, Mr. Felson. For who, Mr. Findley? ...Bert, he only beat me by one point. Now, you can't get off me now. -Here. Been an interestin' evening. Yeah, sure has. -Yeah, sure has. Charles, will you call a cab for these gentlemen, please. I'd show you to the door, but I... -Charles, will you call a cab for these gentlemen, please. I'd show you to the door, but I... Oh yeah, yeah. You're tired. And beat. -Oh yeah, yeah. You're tired. And beat. Yeah. You must come again. -Yeah. You must come again. Yeah. Sure. -Hey, uh, mister? Hey, okay if I grab a cue? Hey, you're Eddie Felson, aren't you? -Hey, you're Eddie Felson, aren't you? Who's he? -Who's he? Now, look, fella, I saw you playing at Ames the other night. -Now, look, fella, I saw you playing at Ames the other night. Hey, I'll tell you what -- I'll play you jack-up pool -- just keep one hand in my pocket. -Hey, I'll tell you what -- I'll play you jack-up pool -- just keep one hand in my pocket. Oh man, you're way out of our league. -What's the limit? Half and a dollar. -Half and a dollar. Gimme ten bucks. -Gimme ten bucks. Ten dollars. -Hi. Hi. -How much you playin' for? A dollar on the five, two on the nine. -A dollar on the five, two on the nine. Yeah, I'll play you a couple. Just for kicks. -Yeah, I'll play you a couple. Just for kicks. Okay, friend. -You quittin' too? You're a pretty good player. -You're a pretty good player. How much are you ahead? -How much are you ahead? Couple of bucks. -Couple of bucks. I guess it's just you and me, huh? -I guess it's just you and me, huh? Yeah, I guess it is, boy. Just you and me. -Yeah, I guess it is, boy. Just you and me. You wanna raise the bet? Two on the five, five on the nine? -You wanna raise the bet? Two on the five, five on the nine? You know what, kid? I think maybe you're a hustler. -You know what, kid? I think maybe you're a hustler. Try me. -Try me. Shoot. -Shoot. Okay. -You sure you don't want to quit, friend? Let's cut out the small stuff, huh? Hundred dollar freeze-out. Ten games, ten bucks a game, winner take all. And then we'll see who quits. -Let's cut out the small stuff, huh? Hundred dollar freeze-out. Ten games, ten bucks a game, winner take all. And then we'll see who quits. Okay, friend. You're on. -Okay, friend. You're on. Call it. -Call it. Heads. -You better not miss, friend. I don't rattle, kid. But just for that I'm gonna beat you flat. -You quittin', friend? Yeah, I'm quittin'. -Long wait for a bus? Yes. -How long you been waiting? What? -What? How long have you been waiting? -How long have you been waiting? Since four. -Just a cup of black coffee, please... Hey, ma'am! Wait a minute! Would you, uh, like another cup? Fine, thanks. -What time does the bus leave? What bus? -What bus? Yours. -Yours. Eight o'clock. -That wouldn't give us much time, would it? Well, you're right. I guess it wouldn't. -Have a nice trip. Thanks. I will. -Have a nice trip? Fair. -Fair. Can I sit down? -Can I sit down? Why not? We already know each other's secrets. -Why not? We already know each other's secrets. Thanks for the, uh, for the breakfast. -Thanks for the, uh, for the breakfast. Two ships that pass in the night should always buy each other breakfast. -Two ships that pass in the night should always buy each other breakfast. Can I buy you another drink? -It's the lights. And the scotch. How come you didn't catch your bus? -How come you didn't catch your bus? I wasn't waiting for a bus. -I wasn't waiting for a bus. Then why go to the bus station? -Then why go to the bus station? Same reason you went: at that hour of the morning you haven't much choice. Besides, I only live three blocks from there. Where do you live? -Same reason you went: at that hour of the morning you haven't much choice. Besides, I only live three blocks from there. Where do you live? Around. -Around. I know where you live: in a locker, in a bus station. What's it like living in a locker? -I know where you live: in a locker, in a bus station. What's it like living in a locker? Cramped. You always drink like this, so early in the morning? -Cramped. You always drink like this, so early in the morning? Do you always ask so many questions? -Do you always ask so many questions? No, not always. -No, not always. Sometimes I wake up and I can't sleep, not without a drink. The bars don't open until eight. Mack over there has faith in me. When I'm broke, he trusts me. Don't you trust me, Mack? -You talk kind of funny, but I like it. I used to be an actress. -I used to be an actress. Yeah? What do you do now? -Yeah? What do you do now? I'm a college girl. Two days a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I go to college. -I'm a college girl. Two days a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I go to college. You don't look like a college girl. -You don't look like a college girl. I'm the emancipated type. Real emancipated. -I'm the emancipated type. Real emancipated. No, I didn't mean that -- whatever that means. I mean, you just don't look young enough. -No, I didn't mean that -- whatever that means. I mean, you just don't look young enough. I'm not. -I'm not. So why go to college? -So why go to college? I've got nothing else to do on Tuesdays and Thursdays. -I've got nothing else to do on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What do you do on the other days? -What do you do on the other days? I drink. -I drink. Hey! -Hey! No. No more. I'm getting sleepy. Thank you very much, Mr...? -No. No more. I'm getting sleepy. Thank you very much, Mr...? Eddie. The name is Eddie. -Eddie. The name is Eddie. The name should be Eddie. What should my name be? -The name should be Eddie. What should my name be? I don't know. Whatever you like it to be. -I don't know. Whatever you like it to be. I like it to be what it is. It's Sarah. That's a biblical name. You want to know its meaning? -I like it to be what it is. It's Sarah. That's a biblical name. You want to know its meaning? I could always get us a bottle. -I could always get us a bottle. No. -No. Fifth of scotch? -Fifth of scotch? What do you want me to do, just step out in the alley? Is that it? -What do you want me to do, just step out in the alley? Is that it? No. I'll take you home. -Why did you do that? I wanted to see what kind of a day it is. -I wanted to see what kind of a day it is. A day like any other. People come, people go. -A day like any other. People come, people go. Give me a drag. -What time is it? Eleven o'clock... I'll be back later. -Eleven o'clock... I'll be back later. Why? -Why? Come here. -Oh, you need a shave. You mustn't go looking like that. There's a razor and shaving cream in the bathroom. Compliments of the house. What did you say that for, Sarah? -What did you say that for, Sarah? How did you know my name was Sarah? -How did you know my name was Sarah? You told me. -You told me. I lied. When I'm drunk I lie. -I lied. When I'm drunk I lie. Okay. So what's your name today? -Okay. So what's your name today? Sarah. Eddie, look. I've got troubles, and I think maybe you've got troubles. Maybe it'd be better if we just leave each other alone. -I got my things over at the hotel. I'll bring them over later... Come here. I'm not sure... I don't know. -I'm not sure... I don't know. Well, what do you want to know? And why? -Where you been all day? At school. It's Thursday. -At school. It's Thursday. Oh, I forgot. -You were asleep when I left. I didn't want to wake you. Did you go out? Yeah, I went out for a couple of hours. -"You know, I've been living here for almost three years. Now in three days it seems as if I know everybody. When I pass people on the street I want to stop and say, ""Listen, I got a fella.""" Thanks. -Thanks. Eddie, where do you go when you go out? -Eddie, where do you go when you go out? Museums... art galleries... concerts. -Well, I believe you when you say you go to school. You want to go with me? -You want to go with me? What, are you kidding? See that book? I've been trying to get through that book ever since I first got here. I haven't finished the first chapter. Did you read all them books? -What, are you kidding? See that book? I've been trying to get through that book ever since I first got here. I haven't finished the first chapter. Did you read all them books? Mm hmm. -Mm hmm. You got it all in your head? -You got it all in your head? When I'm sober. They get a little mixed up when I'm drunk. Most of the time they're mixed up. -When I'm sober. They get a little mixed up when I'm drunk. Most of the time they're mixed up. Oh, stop talking about yourself like you're a lush or something. I don't like it. Maybe you ought to go to a clinic, get some treatments. -Oh, stop talking about yourself like you're a lush or something. I don't like it. Maybe you ought to go to a clinic, get some treatments. I'm getting treatments right here. -I'm hungry. Take your choice. I've got enough so we won't have to go out of the house till Tuesday. -Take your choice. I've got enough so we won't have to go out of the house till Tuesday. What did all this stuff cost you? -What did all this stuff cost you? When you've got money, you'll pay. -When you've got money, you'll pay. No, c'mon, I wanna know. I wanna keep score. -No, c'mon, I wanna know. I wanna keep score. The bills are right here. You didn't say what you wanted. -The bills are right here. You didn't say what you wanted. Don't you ever cook anything? -Don't you ever cook anything? Eggs. How do you like them? -Eggs. How do you like them? Raw. -Oh, cut my finger. I've got something in my bag. -I've got something in my bag. Oh, it's not bad. -Eddie, what's in that case? Haven't you opened it? -Haven't you opened it? No, why should I? It's yours. -No, why should I? It's yours. It's a machine gun. This guy told me when I came to the big city I'd have to have a machine gun, so I bought one. Where do you get the money? To pay for all this? I mean the liquor, and the groceries, and the rent? -It's a machine gun. This guy told me when I came to the big city I'd have to have a machine gun, so I bought one. Where do you get the money? To pay for all this? I mean the liquor, and the groceries, and the rent? From a rich old man who used to be my lover. -Do you want me to go? No, stick around. Can I get you something? Drink? Coffee? -You going out? Yeah. For a little while. -What are you writing? Oh, it's a story. A story I'm making up. -Give it to me. What's this supposed to mean? -What's this supposed to mean? Give it back to me. -Give it back to me. "What's this supposed to mean: ""We have a contract of depravity. All we have to do is pull the blinds down.""" -You told Charlie to lay down and die. Will you say that to me too? What happens, Eddie? You'll find yourself another rich old lover. -You'll find yourself another rich old lover. That's right! And I'm sure you'll help me. -Who is it? Me. It's Eddie. -What happened? I got beat up. They... They broke my thumbs. -You can read it, if you want to. You want to go out for a while? To a movie? You wanna drink? -You wanna drink? No. You? -No. You? What's it so hot in here for? -Sarah, do you think I'm a loser? A loser? -A loser? Yeah. I met this guy -- Gordon, Bert Gordon. He said I was. Born loser. -Yeah. I met this guy -- Gordon, Bert Gordon. He said I was. Born loser. Would he know? -Would he know? He knows. A lot. -He knows. A lot. Why did he tell you? -Why did he tell you? I don't know. I'm not sure. He said there are people who want to lose, who are always looking for an excuse to lose. -I don't know. I'm not sure. He said there are people who want to lose, who are always looking for an excuse to lose. What does he do, this Bert Gordon? -What does he do, this Bert Gordon? He's a gambler. -He's a gambler. Is he a winner? -Is he a winner? Well, he owns things. -Well, he owns things. Is that what makes a winner? -Is that what makes a winner? Well, what else does? -Well, what else does? Does it bother you? What he said? -Does it bother you? What he said? Yeah. Yeah. It bothers me a lot. 'Cause, you see, twice, Sarah -- once at Ames with Minnesota Fats and then again at Arthur's... ...in that cheap, crummy poolroom... Now, why'd I do it, Sarah? Why'd I do it? I coulda beat that guy, I coulda beat him cold. He never woulda known. But I just had to show 'em, I just had to show those creeps and those punks what the game is like when it's great, when it's really great. You know, like anything can be great -- anything can be great... I don't care, bricklaying can be great. If a guy knows. If he knows what he's doing and why, and if he can make it come off. I mean, when I'm goin' -- when I'm really goin' -- I feel like... ...like a jockey must feel. He's sittin' on his horse, he's got all that speed and that power underneath him, he's comin' into the stretch, the pressure's on him -- and he knows -- just feels -- when to let it go, and how much. 'Cause he's got everything workin' for him -- timing, touch. It's a great feeling, boy, it's a real great feeling when you're right, and you know you're right. It's like all of a sudden I got oil in my arm. Pool cue's part of me. You know, it's a -- pool cue's got nerves in it. It's a piece of wood -- it's got nerves in it. You feel the roll of those balls. You don't have to look. You just know. Ya make shots that nobody's ever made before. And you play that game the way nobody's ever played it before. -Yeah. Yeah. It bothers me a lot. 'Cause, you see, twice, Sarah -- once at Ames with Minnesota Fats and then again at Arthur's... ...in that cheap, crummy poolroom... Now, why'd I do it, Sarah? Why'd I do it? I coulda beat that guy, I coulda beat him cold. He never woulda known. But I just had to show 'em, I just had to show those creeps and those punks what the game is like when it's great, when it's really great. You know, like anything can be great -- anything can be great... I don't care, bricklaying can be great. If a guy knows. If he knows what he's doing and why, and if he can make it come off. I mean, when I'm goin' -- when I'm really goin' -- I feel like... ...like a jockey must feel. He's sittin' on his horse, he's got all that speed and that power underneath him, he's comin' into the stretch, the pressure's on him -- and he knows -- just feels -- when to let it go, and how much. 'Cause he's got everything workin' for him -- timing, touch. It's a great feeling, boy, it's a real great feeling when you're right, and you know you're right. It's like all of a sudden I got oil in my arm. Pool cue's part of me. You know, it's a -- pool cue's got nerves in it. It's a piece of wood -- it's got nerves in it. You feel the roll of those balls. You don't have to look. You just know. Ya make shots that nobody's ever made before. And you play that game the way nobody's ever played it before. You're not a loser, Eddie. You're a winner. Some men never get to feel that way about anything. I love you, Eddie. -You know, someday, Sarah, you're gonna settle down. You're gonna marry a college professor, and you're gonna write a great book. Maybe about me, huh? Fast Eddie Felson, hustler. I love you. -I love you. You need the words? -You need the words? Yes, I need them very much. And if you ever say them I'll never let you take them back. -You glad? Yes, I'm glad. -Sherry. Very old, very dry. Two. Sherry?... Nice joint. You look very pretty. -Two. Sherry?... Nice joint. You look very pretty. I feel pretty. -Well, what's so funny? Your tie. I never saw you wear one before. -Your tie. I never saw you wear one before. First time for everything. -What is it, Eddie? Nothin'. Want another drink? -Nothin'. Want another drink? What do you want to tell me? -What do you want to tell me? Well, I, uh, I'll be leaving town for a little while. -Well, I, uh, I'll be leaving town for a little while. For how long? -For how long? Oh, I don't know. -Oh, I don't know. A week? A year? -A week? A year? More like a week. Look, I'll be back. -More like a week. Look, I'll be back. Sure. Let's go home. -No, I want to walk. Come here. Come on, now. -Don't you want to know where I'm going? No. Yes, I want to know what for. But I don't want to ask. -No. Yes, I want to know what for. But I don't want to ask. I'm going to Kentucky. To Louisville. With a friend. Try to make some money. I need it, the money. I'll be leaving early in the morning. -I'm going to Kentucky. To Louisville. With a friend. Try to make some money. I need it, the money. I'll be leaving early in the morning. Leave now. -Leave now. Oh, grow up. -Oh, grow up. Why should I? -Why should I? Sarah, I'm going to Kentucky to play pool, with a guy by the name of Findley. Now, I need the action and I need the money. I told you I'd be back. -Sarah, I'm going to Kentucky to play pool, with a guy by the name of Findley. Now, I need the action and I need the money. I told you I'd be back. If you were going to come back you wouldn't have taken me out tonight. You wouldn't have bought this dress. You're hustling me, Eddie. You've never stopped hustling me. -If you were going to come back you wouldn't have taken me out tonight. You wouldn't have bought this dress. You're hustling me, Eddie. You've never stopped hustling me. Now, I never hustled you. Even when I thought I was. You know it. -Now, I never hustled you. Even when I thought I was. You know it. What do you want me to do? Just sit here and wait? Faithful little Sarah. Pull the shades down and sit. When you feel like coming back, you'll come back. And you'll love me. And then you'll go away again. Is that your idea of love? -What do you want me to do? Just sit here and wait? Faithful little Sarah. Pull the shades down and sit. When you feel like coming back, you'll come back. And you'll love me. And then you'll go away again. Is that your idea of love? I got no idea of love. And neither have you. I mean, neither one of us would know what it was if we saw it coming down the street. -I got no idea of love. And neither have you. I mean, neither one of us would know what it was if we saw it coming down the street. I'd know it, Eddie. I'd know. For God's sakes, what are you trying to do to me? I love you. -I'd know it, Eddie. I'd know. For God's sakes, what are you trying to do to me? I love you. Well, what's your idea of love? Chains? -Well, what's your idea of love? Chains? No. I made you up, didn't I, Eddie? You weren't real. I made you up, like everything else. There was no car crash, Eddie. When I was five, I had polio. I was never an actress. The rich old man is my father. He walked out on us when I was seven. He sends me a check every month. That's how he buys his way out of my life. The men I've known... after they left, I'd say they weren't real, I made them up. But you, Eddie. I wanted you to be real. -Fifty-seven. I'll be up later. -Where's Bert? He went off someplace. -He went off someplace. Well, that old lovin' horse paid twenty-two forty. Let's see... two hundred I won from the jockey last night. And today at the track... I got five hundred and forty bucks. Here, you hold it. -Well, that old lovin' horse paid twenty-two forty. Let's see... two hundred I won from the jockey last night. And today at the track... I got five hundred and forty bucks. Here, you hold it. Why? -Why? Just for luck. -If you don't mind I think I'll stay at the hotel. Well, what's the matter? -Well, what's the matter? I'm a little tired. -Go on back to the hotel. Please, Eddie, don't beg him. -Please, Eddie, don't beg him. Would you go on back to the hotel? Take a cab, go on back to the hotel. -Would you go on back to the hotel? Take a cab, go on back to the hotel. Doesn't all of this come through to you, Eddie? Doesn't any of this mean anything to you? That man, this place, the people. They wear masks, Eddie. And underneath the masks they're perverted, twisted, crippled. -Doesn't all of this come through to you, Eddie? Doesn't any of this mean anything to you? That man, this place, the people. They wear masks, Eddie. And underneath the masks they're perverted, twisted, crippled. Shut up. -Don't wear a mask, Eddie. You don't have to. That's Turk, Eddie, the man who broke your thumbs. Only he's not going to break your thumbs. He'll break your heart, your guts. And for the same reason -- 'cause he hates you, 'cause of what you are. 'Cause of what you have and he hasn't. Would you get off my back, Sarah? Once and for all, will you get out, will you GET OFF MY BACK?! -Now and then. You know how it is. You're, uh, you're Minnesota Fats, aren't you? You know, uh, they say Minnesota Fats is the best in the country out where I come from. -You're, uh, you're Minnesota Fats, aren't you? You know, uh, they say Minnesota Fats is the best in the country out where I come from. Is that a fact? -Is that a fact? Yes sir, boy, they, heh, they say that old Fats just shoots the eyes right off them balls. -Yes sir, boy, they, heh, they say that old Fats just shoots the eyes right off them balls. Where do you come from? -Where do you come from? California. Oakland. -California. Oakland. California? Is your name Felson? Eddie Felson? -California? Is your name Felson? Eddie Felson? That's right. -That's right. I hear you've been looking for me. -I hear you've been looking for me. Yeah. That's right, too. -Yeah. That's right, too. Big John! You think this boy is a hustler? -Do you like to gamble, Eddie? Gamble money on pool games? Fats, let's you and I shoot a game of straight pool. -Fats, let's you and I shoot a game of straight pool. Hundred dollars? -Hundred dollars? Well, you shoot big-time pool, Fats. I mean, that's what everybody says, you shoot big-time pool. Let's make it two hundred dollars a game. -Well, you shoot big-time pool, Fats. I mean, that's what everybody says, you shoot big-time pool. Let's make it two hundred dollars a game. Now I know why they call you Fast Eddie. Eddie, you talk my kind of talk... Sausage! Rack 'em up! -Boy, he is great! Jeez, that old fat man. Look at the way he moves. Like a dancer. Twelve. Cross side. -And them fingers, them chubby fingers. And that stroke. It's like he's, uh, like he's playing a violin or something. Nine ball. Three ball. -Your shot. You miss? Well, you don't leave much when you miss, do you, fat man? -You miss? Well, you don't leave much when you miss, do you, fat man? That's what the game's all about. -That's what the game's all about. Mm hm... Two ball, side pocket. -Very good shot. You know I gotta hunch, fat man. I gotta hunch it's me from here on in... One ball, corner pocket. I mean, that ever happen to you? When all of a sudden you feel like you can't miss? I dreamed about this game, fat man. I dreamed about this game every night on the road... five ball... You know, this is my table, man. I own it. -Preach! Go down and get me some White Tavern whisky, a glass, and some ice. Preacher! Go on down and get me some bourbon. J. T. S. Brown. No ice, no glass. -Preacher! Go on down and get me some bourbon. J. T. S. Brown. No ice, no glass. Preach... get it at Johnny's. You got a bet. -Fats, I got about two hundred dollars here. Game's over, Eddie. -Game's over, Eddie. Fats, look, I got about two hundred dollars here. You can't run out on me. -Fats, look, I got about two hundred dollars here. You can't run out on me. You watch me. -I came to play pool, Fats. That's good, Eddie. For how much? -That's good, Eddie. For how much? You name it. -You name it. Thousand dollars a game. -Thousand dollars a game. Let's make it three thousand dollars a game, Fats. C'mon, three thousand dollars. That's my bankroll, my life's savings. What's the matter, Fats? All you gotta do is beat me the first game and I'm on my way back to Oakland. -Let's make it three thousand dollars a game, Fats. C'mon, three thousand dollars. That's my bankroll, my life's savings. What's the matter, Fats? All you gotta do is beat me the first game and I'm on my way back to Oakland. Let's go. -Shoot pool, Fast Eddie. I'm shootin' pool, Fats. When I miss you can shoot. -I quit, Eddie. I can't beat you. Willie, give him the stakes. You got yourself a pool player. Preacher, gimme my coat, will ya? -...you shoot a great game of pool. So do you, Fast Eddie. -You -- think I am -- I'm -- -- an animal. No. -I can't live like you do -- all your machines and -- cold metal and sharp corners -- You lived like this once. -You lived like this once. That is not now, human! -That is not now, human! My name is Robert. -It is not arguing to speak the truth. Listen to me, my blood somehow... helped you. It could help all of you. We could find some way to -- -Are you all right? Yes. -Yes. Do you want to go on? -How much do you remember? It comes back. Flashes. My name. -Do you remember where you lived? It was warm. I was outside. The ocean? -It was warm. I was outside. The ocean? What about... now? -What about... now? With them? -With them? Yes. -Yes. We move. Place to place. -When you're here, in the city, where do you live? Dark and large. With vines -- no, not vines. Not alive. -Who is this? My wife. -"Was this -- ""beautiful?"" Before?" Yes. -Do you remember where it is? What? -What? Where you lived with them. -You want to find them. Yes. -Yes. You want to kill them. -Why don't you start with me? You're not them. -What choice did I have -- ?! You hunt us like animals -- do you know how many you have slaughtered?! -You hunt us like animals -- do you know how many you have slaughtered?! I only protect myself -- ! -I only protect myself -- ! You are The Human. The Hunter. The thing that comes in the day and kills -- -You are The Human. The Hunter. The thing that comes in the day and kills -- If I'm a hunter it's because you taught me to be! -What do you want? What do you mean? -What do you mean? You know what I mean. -Will you keep feeding me? How long can you live like that? Until it kills you? Until I kill you? Without your blood I'll go back. We don't know that -- -We don't know that -- I know it. What do you want, Robert? -Mine. Have you always had it? -Have you always had it? I don't know. -I don't know. Have you looked inside? -Have you looked inside? Yes. -Yes. What's inside? -What's inside? Humans. -Humans. Who? -Who? I don't know. -That's who you are too, Emma. Before... when I was one of them. I would look at this and it was just strangers. Now I... remember. -You want me to stay? Yes. -Do you still want me to stay? Yes. -Emma... He wanted me to see -- he thinks I was -- infected by you. -He wanted me to see -- he thinks I was -- infected by you. Shhh... don't talk. -Shhh... don't talk. I want to talk. I just learned again. -You have to go. He'll never stop. Leave this place. Find another. I'll go. We'll both go. Far away. -Good evening. Did you have a pleasant day today? Busy. I went swimming and prepared a new vehicle. A big vehicle. -Busy. I went swimming and prepared a new vehicle. A big vehicle. That sounds charming. Did you meet any interesting people today? -That sounds charming. Did you meet any interesting people today? Yesterday. They're back. Haven't seen them for a few months. I have to be careful. -Yesterday. They're back. Haven't seen them for a few months. I have to be careful. Tell me about the interesting people you met, won't you? -Tell me about the interesting people you met, won't you? They are... sinister. They want to kill me. -They are... sinister. They want to kill me. That sounds charming. What are you planning to do tomorrow? -That sounds charming. What are you planning to do tomorrow? Stay alive. -I remember the first time we met. Do you remember that? Yes. -Yes. It was at Diane's party in Malibu and I had just broken up with Todd and I was loaded for bear, any man who had the nerve to come at me -- watch out. So you come sauntering in -- you know that saunter you do. That watch out, baby, here comes Mr. Smooth thing. -You and that damned garden. Yeah, but when your mother came what's the first thing you showed her? -Yeah, but when your mother came what's the first thing you showed her? I surrender -- -I surrender -- Besides, if we get a lot of work done this summer it'll be done. -Besides, if we get a lot of work done this summer it'll be done. It's never gonna be done. You love puttering out there too much. -It's never gonna be done. You love puttering out there too much. Well, it's not supposed to be done anyway. -The more we plant, the more that'll grow, and the happier -- Virginia...? -Virginia...? What? -Need some gas? Please. -Please. Only got one kind. -Only got one kind. That's fine. -Hell of a night. You got that right. -So, what do you do? I'm am architect. I'm working on a site back in -- -I'm am architect. I'm working on a site back in -- You built things. -You built things. I guess you could say that. -Bathroom? Round back. -Son ... are you awake? Yes. -We're going to be moving, son. Do we have to? -Do we have to? I know, son. But you'll like it where we're going. I'm getting a good job. It's a pretty part of the country. -I know, son. But you'll like it where we're going. I'm getting a good job. It's a pretty part of the country. I'll have to go to a new school -- again. -I'll have to go to a new school -- again. You'll meet new friends. I know ... it's rough. But I have to move, son. -What's that, Dad? That's the Air Force Base. -Wow. Look at the mountains. This can be your room if you want it. What do you say? -This can be your room if you want it. What do you say? Is the hill ours too? -Is the hill ours too? If we want it, it is. -If we want it, it is. Let's check it out, Dad. -Wow. There's the town. And there's the air base. This is a great hill. It's got a name. Copper Ridge. There used to be a copper mine near here. -It's got a name. Copper Ridge. There used to be a copper mine near here. Let's see what's on the other side. Maybe we'll find some copper. -A meteorite, Dad, look! It's that time of year again. We should get a pretty good show out here. -It's that time of year again. We should get a pretty good show out here. Why, Dad? -Why, Dad? Because the sky is so clear out here. -There are more this year than last. This should be the heaviest shower of the year. -This should be the heaviest shower of the year. There's Cassius ... -... and Rigel. And that one -- to the right of Rigel? -Which one's that? The dull, red one. That's Mars. The closest planet to us, now. That's why it's more than just a point in the sky. -Well, son? Should we call it a night? I for one have had a long day. Okay. -Jim -- what's wrong?! You've got to come see -- a big thing went down over the hill! -It was big -- and it glowed -- and it went down over there -- behind the hill. What did it look like? -What did it look like? It was -- it was -- it changed shape. First it was big and round, then it was flat, then it was long and thin. -Are you sure you saw that? In the rain -- it may have looked like it changed shape -- I don't know, Dad. But it was big. -I don't know, Dad. But it was big. I'll go take a look when the rain lets off. -Are you all right, Dad? Sure ... fine. -I lost it. It's kind of muddy out there. Was there anything over the hill? -I had an awful dream. What, Jim, what? -What, Jim, what? First lemme look at your necks. -... And then everything blew up. And then I woke up. That's a doozy of a dream, son. -That's a doozy of a dream, son. It was so real, Dad. -It was so real, Dad. It was all made of stuff that's happened to you in the last few days. The sand pit in back of the house, and the meteor shower, and meeting your teacher and the colonel at school, and being afraid of the new kids because you don't know them ... -I know, Ellen. We'll settle down soon. I was so scared. -I was so scared. Better now, son? -I have to go over to the town this morning and do a lot of shopping. This house needs just everything. I'll probably be gone all day. Jimmy, hurry up and eat or you'll be late. I'll take you to school. -I'll take you to school. You don't have to. The school bus stops right outside here, at 7:30. I've got to run. -It's probably the solenoid. Take it back to Gleason's, they said they'd fix it if we found anything wrong. I will. But isn't that odd -- about my dream ... ? -What happened to you? Who was that? That's Ed. Ed works with the Bell Telephone switching division. -That's Ed. Ed works with the Bell Telephone switching division. Where's your car? -Where's your car? I left it at work. -I left it at work. You did? Why? Where were you? They said you left hours ago. We were worried. -I'm home now. Yes -- but ... -You know, it really is beautiful up there. Let me show you. We'll take a walk after dinner. George, you're acting very strangely. -What's wrong, Ellen? It's his nightmare. He still hasn't gotten over it ... about the other side of the hill. -Better get some sleep, son, or you'll be pretty tired at school tomorrow. Good night. -We'll be by to pick him up in ten minutes. Yes, Mr. Gardner. -What do you mean -- gone? What the hell kind of a nurse are you, anyway? I'm sorry, Mr. Gardner. I was out of my office for a minute and when I got back -- he was gone. -What did he talk to you about? He was upset with moving, I believe. -He was upset with moving, I believe. Is that all he said? -Is that all he said? Why, yes. Why? -Hello, this is Ms. Magnuson speaking. I understand, Miss, that you have my son in your office. -I understand, Miss, that you have my son in your office. Yes, I do, Mr. Gardner. -Yes, I do, Mr. Gardner. May I ask why? -May I ask why? We were having a little talk. -We were having a little talk. About what? -About what? Children often have trouble adjusting to a new school. -Children often have trouble adjusting to a new school. I don't know what he's told you -- What has he told you? Would you like to tell me -- ? -I don't know what he's told you -- What has he told you? Would you like to tell me -- ? Mr. Gardner, I -- -Mr. Gardner, I -- You people have a lot of nerve, taking it on yourselves to encourage young children to speak out of turn. I'm of a mind to pull him out of school if this is your idea of how to handle ... What sort of training do you have anyway? -You people have a lot of nerve, taking it on yourselves to encourage young children to speak out of turn. I'm of a mind to pull him out of school if this is your idea of how to handle ... What sort of training do you have anyway? Mr. Gardner, I don't think this is the place to discuss this matter. -Mr. Gardner, I don't think this is the place to discuss this matter. I'm not particularly interested, Ms. Magnuson, in what you think is correct. My wife and I are going away on a business trip this afternoon and we want Jimmy with us. Keep him in your office until we arrive. -I'm not particularly interested, Ms. Magnuson, in what you think is correct. My wife and I are going away on a business trip this afternoon and we want Jimmy with us. Keep him in your office until we arrive. Of course. -This is a new town for you. Do you like it here? No. -No. Why not? Moving is hard for anybody. Was it hard for you to leave all your friends? -Why not? Moving is hard for anybody. Was it hard for you to leave all your friends? I don't have many friends. Dad's all the time moving. -I don't have many friends. Dad's all the time moving. Can you tell me about that? -That's quite a story. You know that, don't you? Yes. -Yes. A UFO lands in back of your house and puts something in your Dad and Mom's necks. Then it gets the police, and your teacher too. -How did it get Mrs. McKeltch? She said the frog came from around the Copper Ridge. She must've been behind the hill. -She said the frog came from around the Copper Ridge. She must've been behind the hill. What would you think if somebody told you a story like this? -What would you think if somebody told you a story like this? I'd believe him. -I'd believe him. Why? -Why? 'Cause he wouldn't lie. -Do you know how to follow a map? Yes. I can even read star maps. -Yes. I can even read star maps. This shows how to get to my home. I'm giving you back roads and footpaths, so there's less chance of you being seen. -Jimmy, calm down! What happened? Tell me what happened! I got trapped in Mrs. McKeltch's van -- and she went to the tunnel and went down there with them -- behind my house. I saw them. -I got trapped in Mrs. McKeltch's van -- and she went to the tunnel and went down there with them -- behind my house. I saw them. Where, Jimmy? -Where, Jimmy? Behind my house, up on the ridge. -Behind my house, up on the ridge. If we go and look and there's nothing there, you'll have to admit to me that this is all in your mind. -This is where it was -- the tunnel opening. I don't see anything. -I don't see anything. No, but it was here. -I swear it was here. But it's not, Jimmy. -But it's not, Jimmy. No. -No. Let's go look at the sand pit behind your house. -They'll get us. We'll be very careful. But we have to see. If something landed there, there would be a big scar in the ground. Wouldn't there? -Does it look to you like anything landed here? Maybe -- it landed in the bushes. -Stay here. I'm going to make a phone call. Who are you calling? -Who are you calling? The State Police. -Did you call the State Police? All their lines were busy. -No one comes here after dark. Hide the car. -Damn. I know a way. -What is it? I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing here -- -But you saw -- the men go under the sand ... Yes ... yes, but I'm not sure what I saw anymore. -Don't go in. I'm not. They must be tunneling under the whole town. -I'm not. They must be tunneling under the whole town. We can't do this alone. We've got to get help. -We can't do this alone. We've got to get help. There was a man named Colonel Wilson, from the Air Force Base. He was talking in our class. He said we could visit him any time we wanted. I'll bet he could do something. -There was a man named Colonel Wilson, from the Air Force Base. He was talking in our class. He said we could visit him any time we wanted. I'll bet he could do something. Let's try. -You're looking for life? They didn't find any signs of life on the Viking missions. -Well, come on, you two. Time to go to bed. Mom -- this is the best show all year. -Mom -- this is the best show all year. I know. But you have a full day of school tomorrow -- You, too. -What do you think he saw? Could it have been something from the air base? No, Mom. It wasn't a plane. -George, where have you been? What happened to your other slipper? -Your father asked you a question. What? -- I... -Hi. Sorry I'm late. The back door was open. -Mom. I gotta talk to you. What? -What? Don't go over the hill, Mom. Please. -When? This afternoon. It's wonderful up there -- you still haven't seen the best part. -This afternoon. It's wonderful up there -- you still haven't seen the best part. I have school. -I have school. I'll pack us a lunch. Hamburgers. You always like that, don't you. -It's all this moving from place to place. We're never settled. I'm having nightmares myself. What kind, Mom? -What kind, Mom? Oh, I can't remember. But people do have bad dreams when their routine is disturbed. -What's the story on Jimmy Gardner? Gardner? Oh, um -- he's a new student. Just moved here. Why? -Gardner? Oh, um -- he's a new student. Just moved here. Why? His teacher brought him in to see me. Said he'd been acting up in class. Creating a disturbance. I couldn't get a thing out of him. -His teacher brought him in to see me. Said he'd been acting up in class. Creating a disturbance. I couldn't get a thing out of him. Oh? -Oh? What's his family background? -What's his family background? They're from out of state. Father's an engineer at the nuclear power plant. I really don't know much about them. -Ms. Magnuson, is Jimmy Gardner with you? Why, yes. -Why, yes. Jimmy's father is on the phone. I wonder if you'd take the call. -Jimmy's father is on the phone. I wonder if you'd take the call. All right. I'll be right back. -Penicillin. At least it will help keep his fever down. It's really nice of you to help us. -It's really nice of you to help us. I wish I could do more but we're moving out. -I wish I could do more but we're moving out. We're going with you. I mean, we're going too. -We're going with you. I mean, we're going too. Cool. -This could be our last night on Earth. I don't want to die a virgin. If we do, we'll both die virgins. But at last we'll be together. -What do you want? You have to leave the White House. -You have to leave the White House. This is not the time or the place to have this same old discussion. -This is not the time or the place to have this same old discussion. You don't understand. You have to leave Washington. -In case you haven't noticed, we're in a little bit of a crisis here. I've worked with embedded loading. They're communicating with a hidden signal. They're going to attack... -I've worked with embedded loading. They're communicating with a hidden signal. They're going to attack... You're being paranoid. -You're being paranoid. It's not paranoia. The embedding is very subtle. It's probably been overlooked... -What? Connie, don't hang up. -Connie, don't hang up. David? How'd you get this number? -David? How'd you get this number? Walk to the window. Right in front of you. -And when is the countdown supposed to expire? Fifty six minutes, forty five seconds. -What do you want me to do? I want you to leave with us. Right now. -I want you to leave with us. Right now. I can't leave. We have to tell this to the President. -I can't leave. We have to tell this to the President. He's not going to listen to me. -You can't be seriously considering firing nuclear weapons? David, don't... -Just my luck, no ice. I take it you've heard. -I take it you've heard. A toast to the end of the world. -You still believe in him. He's a good man. -He's a good man. Better be. You left me for him. -Better be. You left me for him. I wanted a career. Didn't you ever want to be part of something special? -Thirty seconds? Isn't that cutting it a little too close? We'll be well on our way out of there before we shoot that thing off. -With you? I don't understand why you can't just show someone how to plant the virus, somebody trained for this kind of mission? If anything goes wrong I'll have to think quickly, adjust the signal, who knows? -Are you all right? Did it work? -Did it work? You bet it did. -David thought I was having an affair, which I wasn't. Punched the President? Oh my god. -Moishe Martinsburg, Mr. President. My ex-husband works in satellite communications. -He still gets air sick, huh? In all of this I didn't get the chance to thank you two. Think nothing of it, Spanky. -Spunky. He told you about that? All he could think about was getting to you. There's still love there I think. -All he could think about was getting to you. There's still love there I think. Love was never our problem. -Love was never our problem. All you need is love. John Lennon. Smart man. Shot in the back, very sad. -Can we expect the same kid of panic here as in Russia? More than likely. -I don't know how you put up with him. He used to run the NASA. He knows where all the bones are buried. Comes in handy. -He used to run the NASA. He knows where all the bones are buried. Comes in handy. I'll bet. -You saved a lot of lives. I could have evacuated the cities hours ago. You know, when I flew in the Gulf War everything is simple. We knew what we had to do. It's not simple anymore, Connie. A lot of people died today. How many didn't have to? -We're losing them. Then get them out of there. -What the hell is the point of having a beeper if you don't turn it on? It was turned on. I was ignoring you. What's the big emergency? -It was turned on. I was ignoring you. What's the big emergency? Started this morning. Every channel is making like it's nineteen fifty. Snow, static, all kinds of distortions. No one knows what the hell is going on. -What the hell is this? So sue me. -Did you try to switch to transponder channels? Please, would I be this panicked if it was that simple? -Let's retrofit the dish to another satellite. We've tried. It's not working. It's almost as though they weren't even there. -There's good news and bad news. What's the bad news? -What's the bad news? You're in meal penalty for disturbing my lunch. -You're in meal penalty for disturbing my lunch. And the good news is you won't charge me. -And the good news is you won't charge me. No. The good news is I found the problem and it's not our equipment. There's some weird signal embedded within the satellite feed. -No. The good news is I found the problem and it's not our equipment. There's some weird signal embedded within the satellite feed. That's the good news? -Yes, because the analog signal has a definite sequential digital patterns embedded within it. When I find the exact binary sequence and I apply a phase reversed signal to that calculated spectra analyzer I built you last Christmas, we should be able to block out the overlay completely... ...and we'll be the only guys in town with a clear picture? That's my man. -I've got a lock on the signal pattern. We can filter it out. Huh? Oh, good, good. -Huh? Oh, good, good. Strange thing is, if my calculations are right it'll be gone in approximately seven hours anyway. The signal reduces itself every time it recycles. Eventually it will disappear. Are you listening? -Strange thing is, if my calculations are right it'll be gone in approximately seven hours anyway. The signal reduces itself every time it recycles. Eventually it will disappear. Are you listening? Can you believe this? -Can you believe this? What're you talking about? -What're you talking about? Haven't you been watching? -Tell her to get the kids and leave town. What happened? -What happened? Just do it! -Okay, why did I just send my family to Atlanta? Remember I told you that the signal hidden within our satellite signal is slowly recycling down to extinction. -Remember I told you that the signal hidden within our satellite signal is slowly recycling down to extinction. Not really... -Not really... That signal. It's a countdown. -That signal. It's a countdown. A countdown to what? -A countdown to what? Think. It's like in chess. First you strategically position your pieces. Then, when the timing's right. You strike. -Then what? Checkmate. -What are you waiting? My social security will expire, you'll still be sitting there. I'm thinking. -I'm thinking. So think already. -You have any idea how long it takes for those things to decompose? You don't move soon. I'll begin to decompose. -David, I've been meaning to talk with you. It's nice you've been spending so much time with me, but... Dad, don't start. -Dad, don't start. I'm only saying, it's been what? Four years, you still haven't signed your divorce papers. -I'm only saying, it's been what? Four years, you still haven't signed your divorce papers. Three years. -Three years. Three, four. Move on. It's not healthy. -Pops! The television said they've started with the looting already. Vultures. -The television said they've started with the looting already. Vultures. You still got the Olds? -You still got the Olds? You want to borrow the car? You don't have a license. -You want to borrow the car? You don't have a license. That's okay. You're driving. -It's the White House, for crying out loud. You can't just drive up and ring the bell. Can't this thing go any faster? -Can't this thing go any faster? You think they don't know what you know? Believe me, they know. She works for the President. They know everything. -You think they don't know what you know? Believe me, they know. She works for the President. They know everything. They don't know this. -They don't know this. And you're going to educate them? Tell me something, you're so smart how come you spent eight years at M.I.T. to become a cable repairman? -And you're going to educate them? Tell me something, you're so smart how come you spent eight years at M.I.T. to become a cable repairman? Dad... -Dad... All I'm saying is they've got people who handle these things, David. They want HBO, they'll call you. -What the hell is that? This, pops, is every phone book in America. -This, pops, is every phone book in America. You think an important person like Constance is going to be listed? -You think an important person like Constance is going to be listed? She always keeps her portable phone listed, for emergencies. Sometimes it's just her first initial, sometime her nickname... -Not listed, huh? I just haven't found it yet. I tried C. Halbrook, Connie Halbrook, Spunky Halbrook... -I just haven't found it yet. I tried C. Halbrook, Connie Halbrook, Spunky Halbrook... Spunky? -Spunky? College nickname. -College nickname. You try Martin? -You try Martin? She didn't take my name when we were married. -Perfect, she's using it. It's perfect the line is busy? -It's perfect the line is busy? Yes. I can use he signal to triangulate her exact position in the White House. -Yes. I can use he signal to triangulate her exact position in the White House. You can do that? -Sure he'll listen. Why wouldn't he? Because last time I saw him I punched him in the face. -Because last time I saw him I punched him in the face. You punched the President in the face? -You punched the President in the face? He wasn't the President then. -It's Air Force One for crying out loud. Still he gets sick? Moishe, please, don't talk. -Dad, please... What was it, Roswell? You had the space ship, the bodies, everything locked up in a bunker, the what is it, Area fifty one. That's it! Area fifty one. You knew and you didn't do nothing! -David, David! What the hell are you doing!? I'm making a mess. -I'm making a mess. This I can see. -This I can see. We've gotta burn the rain forest, Pops. Dump toxic waste, pollute the air, rip up the ozone. Maybe if we screw this planet up enough they won't want it anymore. -We've gotta burn the rain forest, Pops. Dump toxic waste, pollute the air, rip up the ozone. Maybe if we screw this planet up enough they won't want it anymore. David, you're drunk. -Pops, you're a genius! What'd I say? -What'd I say? A cold? Of course. -Thanks, Pops. I want you should know, I'm very proud of you, son. -I'll see how they're doing with the radio transmitter. Oh shit, we're late. -Oh shit, we're late. We'll meet you there. -I have a confession to make. I'm not real big on flying. Great. -What the hell are you doing? Just getting a feel for her. -Must be thousands of them. What are they doing? Looks like they're preparing the invasion. -Get us out of here! I can't shake her free. -What're you doing? It's not me. They're overriding the system. -Nice meeting you. You as well. -We're loose! Doesn't matter. Game's over. -Doesn't matter. Game's over. I don't hear no fat lady. -With your permission, Mr. President, I'd like to remain my your side. I had a feeling you would. -I had a feeling you would. Sir, what happens if they do become hostile? -Sir, what happens if they do become hostile? Then God help us. -General Grey, co-ordinate with Atlantic Command. Tell them they have twenty five minutes to get as many people out of the cities as they can. But Mr. President... -But Mr. President... And get those helicopters away from the ship. Call them back immediately. -Is my wife in the air? She should be shortly. -Any news on my wife? The helicopter never arrived at Nellis and there's been no radio contact. -Where are they? ETA with target; four minutes. -Atlanta, Chicago and Philadelphia, destroyed? And there are scattered reports of sightings over Miami, Ft. Worth, And Memphis. -And our forces? We're down to approximately fifteen percent, Sir. If you calculate the time it takes them to destroy a city and move on, we're looking at world wide destruction of every major city within the next thirty six hours. -We're down to approximately fifteen percent, Sir. If you calculate the time it takes them to destroy a city and move on, we're looking at world wide destruction of every major city within the next thirty six hours. We're being exterminated. -Organize every plane you can find and get some Goddamned pilots to fly them. Yes, Sir. -How're we doing? Better than we thought. -We have confirmed divisions of troops from different armies all around the world. Most of Europe, the Middle East and Asia are battle ready. And our troops here? -And our troops here? We've been collecting planes from all over but... -We've been collecting planes from all over but... But what, General? -But what, General? Pilots, sir. We don't have enough people to get them in the air. -Pilots, sir. We don't have enough people to get them in the air. Then find them. -Mr. President, just what do you think you're doing? I'm a pilot, Will. This is where I belong. -Grey, you read me? Roger, Eagle One, our primary target has shifted course. -Where's it headed? I think our secret is out. They're headed right for us. -Do not engage until we've confirmed the package has been delivered. Roger. -Get on the horn with Atlantic Command. Let's upgrade the situation to DEFCON 3. That's not your call to make, Mr. Nimziki. -Organize a military escort to Crystal Mountain. Sir, I strongly recommend we move you to a secured location immediately. -More ships keep arriving, fifteen in total so far. This is crazy. We're loosing our first strike capabilities! -This is crazy. We're loosing our first strike capabilities! We're trying to communicate with them on all frequencies but we're getting nowhere. Atlantic Command is working on a type of visual communication. -That's impossible... My God, the Vice President and the Joint Chiefs... -My God, the Vice President and the Joint Chiefs... Mr. President, we must launch. A delay now would be more costly than when you waited to evacuate the cities! -You were the head of the National Intelligence Agency! You knew all about this. When were you planning on informing the rest of us!? It had been deemed classified. -It had been deemed classified. Christ, why didn't you say anything about this when they first arrived? You could have warned us before we launched a counter attack that cost us hundreds of American pilots! -This is ridiculous. How long would their shields be down? -With their shields down it might be possible. Please, you're not buying into any of this nonsense, are you? We don't have the manpower or the resources to launch that kind of a campaign. Not to mention that this whole cockamamie plan is dependent on a machine that no one in the world is qualified to operate. -A meteor? No Sir. Definitely not. -No Sir. Definitely not. How do you know? -How do you know? Well, er... it's slowing down. -Well, er... it's slowing down. It's doing what? -It's doing what? It's... slowing down, Sir. -He's trying to impress you. He's doing a good job. -You can't go. Call them back. Baby, you know how it is. I have to report to El Toro right away. -Baby, you know how it is. I have to report to El Toro right away. You said you were on leave for the Fourth. -You said you were on leave for the Fourth. They cancelled it. Why are you acting like this? -Wait. I have to tell you something. What? -What? Be careful. -Be careful. Look, after your shift tonight, why don't you grab Dylan and come stay with me on base. -Look, after your shift tonight, why don't you grab Dylan and come stay with me on base. Really? You don't mind? -Really? You don't mind? Naw. I'll just tell my other girlfriends they can't come over tonight. -You know, you're not as charming as you think you are. Yes, I am. -Yes, I am. Dick-weed! -Dick-weed! Butt-munch. -You're late. You know how I like to make a big entrance. -You're late. You know me... -You know me... I know, you like to make a big entrance. -Before we do this, I want you to know I'm sorry. Sorry for what? -Sorry for what? I should have done this a long long time ago. -You scared the hell out of me. Yeah, but what an entrance! -Yeah, but what an entrance! Dick-weed. -Dick-weed. Butt-munch. -Your son. He's my angel. -He's my angel. Was his father stationed here? -Was his father stationed here? He wasn't his father. I was kinda hoping he'd want the job, though. -So, what do you do for a living? I'm a dancer. -I'm a dancer. Really? Ballet? -Really? Ballet? No. Exotic. -No. Exotic. Oh. Sorry. -Oh. Sorry. Don't be. I'm not. It's good money. 'Side, he's worth it. -And when the dancing's over? What about your future? Funny, it used to scare me when I thought about the future. Guess it doesn't really matter anymore. -Dylan, come here. I want you to meet the First Lady. I thought you didn't recognize me. -I thought you didn't recognize me. Didn't want to say anything. I voted for the other guy. -I don't believe it. They make you learn how to fly everything from an Apache to a Harrier and still they turn you down? What else do they want you to learn? How to kiss ass. -Jasmine has this thing for dolphins. I had them make it... I thought you said you were doing to break it off. -That is an affirmative. I have victory dance. Mmmmmmm. Don't get premature on me, Jimmy. We don't light up 'til the Fat Lady sings. -Don't get premature on me, Jimmy. We don't light up 'til the Fat Lady sings. I hear you. -I shouldn't have left her. Don't worry, big guy. I'm sure she got out of here before it happened. -Damn it! I didn't even see them fire! -I didn't even see them fire! "Command, Eagle One. Switching to ""sidewinders."" We're moving in." -Jimmy, kick it! They're gaining. We're already over Mach 2! -We're already over Mach 2! So push it! -Stevie... I can't... Jimmy, stay with me. -Stop it. It's all fuzzy. -It's all fuzzy. You're gonna break it. Just leave it alone. Here, take your medicine. -I don't need it. Just take it, dick head. Alicia! Make sure he takes his medicine. -He's got that SEGA Saturn CD, 64 bit, right? Yeah. What would you think if we went there to live for a while? -Yeah. What would you think if we went there to live for a while? That'd be cool! -But I gave you some this morning. I didn't take it. I thought I didn't need it anymore. -Just what the hell do you think you're doing? I'm bringing home the bacon. Earning my keep. And doing a fine job if I do say so myself. -I'm bringing home the bacon. Earning my keep. And doing a fine job if I do say so myself. It's the wrong field, you idiot! Lucas' farm is on the other side of town. -It's the wrong field, you idiot! Lucas' farm is on the other side of town. You sure? -You sure? Damn it, he was doing you a favor. You know how hard it is to find someone who doesn't think you're completely crazy? What are we supposed to do now? Huh? Where are we supposed to go now? -They let you out? Just what the hell do you think you're doing? -We're leaving, don't try and stop us. You're not going anywhere. You hear me? I'm still your father. -Troy's still my son no matter how you feel about me. For once in your life think about what's best for Troy. Who has to beg for money to buy him medicine when you screw up? Who? -I couldn't find anything. Everyone is packing up, they're leaving. Word is a space ship is heading this way. We should leave too. -We should leave too. There's a group heading south, they said there's a hospital just a couple hours away. I think we should follow them. -How' he doing? Just fell asleep. He's gonna be just fine. Join me in a little celebration? -I'm not leaving. We must maintain a working government in a time of crisis... -We must maintain a working government in a time of crisis... I want the Vice President, Secretary of Defense, the whole Cabinet and the Joint Chiefs taken to a secured location. I'm staying here. I am not going to add to a public hysteria that could cost lives. -I want the Vice President, Secretary of Defense, the whole Cabinet and the Joint Chiefs taken to a secured location. I'm staying here. I am not going to add to a public hysteria that could cost lives. But, Mr. President... -But, Mr. President... So far these things have not become hostile. For the moment let's assume they won't. Connie, let's issue statements advising people not to panic, to stay home and take cover. -What the hell's going on? We're leaving. -I spoke with the Joint Chief when they arrived at NORAD. They agree, we must launch a counter offensive with a full nuclear strike. Hit 'em with everything we've got. Above American soil? -Above American soil? If we don't strike soon, there may not be much of an America left to defend. -Why the hell wasn't I told about this place? Two words, Mr. President. Plausible deniability. -Mr. President? Deploy. -Call them back. The other bombers might have more luck. We shouldn't just give up... -The other bombers might have more luck. We shouldn't just give up... I said call them back. -Mr. President, a real pleasure. They don't let us out much, you know. Yes. -Yes. Well, I guess you'd like to see the big tamale? Follow me. -See, we can't duplicate their type of power so we've never been able to experiment. But since these guys started showing up, all the gizmos inside turned on. The last twenty four hours have been really exciting! "People are dying out there. I don't think ""exciting"" is the word I'd choose to describe it!" -What can you tell us about the enemy we're facing? Not all too dissimilar to us. Breathes oxygen, comparable tolerances to heat, cold... probably why they're interested in our planet. Hey, you wanna see them? -Can they be killed? These three died in the crash. Their bodies are as frail as our own. You just have to get past their technology, which is, I'm sorry to say, far more advanced. -Why did you people come here? "Air... water... your ""sun.""" -"Air... water... your ""sun.""" Where do your people come from? Where is your home? -Where do your people come from? Where is your home? Here... now. -Here... now. And before here? -And before here? Many worlds... -Many worlds... Can we negotiate a truce? Is there room for co-existance? Can there be peace between us? -Can we negotiate a truce? Is there room for co-existance? Can there be peace between us? Peace? No peace. -Peace? No peace. What do you want us to do? -What do you want us to do? Die. -Oh, Sallah! What a relief! Marcus Brody, sir. And where is Indy? -Marcus Brody, sir. And where is Indy? Oh, he's in Austria. A slight detour. -Oh, he's in Austria. A slight detour. You are on your own? -Yes, but don't panic. Everything's under control. Have you... have you arranged our supplies? Oh, yes, of course. But where are we going? -Oh, yes, of course. But where are we going? Oh, this map will show you. It was drawn by, uh... -Oh, what?... your servant, sir. And I am his. -My reputation precedes me. There is no museum in Iskenderun. -Yes. Papers, sir. Got it here. -Yes. Egyptian Mail. Morning edition. Run! -Egyptian Mail. Morning edition. Run! Did you say...? Uh, uh... -May we go home now, please? The dog!? You are named after the dog... -Marcus! I did it! You've got it! -You know how long I've been looking for that?! All your life. -All your life. All my life! -All my life! Well done, Indy. Very well done, indeed. This will find a place of honor in our Spanish collection. -Your treat. Yes. My treat. -What has the old fool got himself into now? I don't know. But whatever it is, he's in over his head! -Dad? It's today's mail. And it's been opened. -Venice, Italy! What is it? -It's Dad's Grail Diary. Every clue he ever followed. Every discovery he made. A complete record of his search for the Holy Grail. This is his whole life. Why would he have sent this to me? I don't know. But someone must want it pretty badly. -I don't know. But someone must want it pretty badly. Do you believe, Marcus? -Do you believe the Grail actually exists? The search for the Cup of Christ is the search for the divine in all of us. -But if you want facts, Indy, I have none to give you. At my age, I'm prepared to take a few things on faith. Call Donovan, Marcus. Tell him I'll take that ticket to Venice now. -Call Donovan, Marcus. Tell him I'll take that ticket to Venice now. I'll tell him we'll take two. -Ah, Venice... Yes. Uh, how will we recognize this Doctor Schneider when we see him? -Yes. Uh, how will we recognize this Doctor Schneider when we see him? I don't know. Maybe he'll know us. -That doesn't look much like a library. It looks like a converted church. -Marcus -- I've seen this window before. Where? -Look, Indy. The Roman numerals! Dad was onto something here! -Dad was onto something here! Well, now we know the source of the numbers, but we still don't know what they mean. -How's the head? "It's better, now I've seen this. It's the name of a city. ""Alexandretta?"" Hmmm..." -"The present city of Iskenderun is built on its ruins. Marcus -- you remember what the Grail Tablet said. ""Across the desert and through the mountain to the Canyon of the Crescent Moon."" But where exactly?" Your father would know. Your father did know. Look. He made a map. -Now, he knew there was a city with an oasis due east. Here. He knew the course turned south through the desert to a river, and the river led into the mountains. Here. Straight to the canyon. He knew everything except where to begin, the name of the city. Alexandretta. Now we know. -Alexandretta. Now we know. Yes. Now we know. -Yes. Now we know. Marcus, get hold of Sallah. Tell him to meet you in Iskenderun. -What about you? I'm going after Dad. -Indy... Indy, you must hurry!! Come quickly! It's... a leap of faith. Oh, God. -Marcus! Arghhh! Oh! -Henry! What are you doing here?! It's a rescue, old boy. Come on. -Henry, the pen -- What? -What? But don't you see? The pen is mightier than the sword. -Look what you did! It's war. -The Word of God... No, Henry. Try not to talk. -No, Henry. Try not to talk. The Name of God... -Indy! Henry! Follow met I know the way! Haaa! Got lost in his own museum, huh? -Tell me, what's going to happen when we get to Venice? Don't worry. Doctor Schneider will be there to meet you. -Don't worry. Doctor Schneider will be there to meet you. Schneider? -Schneider? I maintain an apartment in Venice, at your disposal. -I maintain an apartment in Venice, at your disposal. Oh, well. That's good. Thank you. -Care to wet your whistle, Marcus? I'd rather spit in your face. But as I haven't got any spit... -Well, Marcus, we are on the brink of the recovery of the greatest artifact in the history of mankind. You're meddling with powers you cannot possibly comprehend. -Are you expected? Don't take that tone with me, my good man. Now buttle off and tell Baron Brunwald that Lord Clarence MacDonald and his lovely assistant are here to view the tapestries. -Don't take that tone with me, my good man. Now buttle off and tell Baron Brunwald that Lord Clarence MacDonald and his lovely assistant are here to view the tapestries. Tapestries? -Tapestries? Dear me, the man is dense. This is a castle, isn't it? There are tapestries? -Dear me, the man is dense. This is a castle, isn't it? There are tapestries? This is a castle. And we have many tapestries. But if you're a Scottish lord, then I am Mickey Mouse. -This is a castle. And we have many tapestries. But if you're a Scottish lord, then I am Mickey Mouse. How dare he?! -My name is Donovan. Walter Donovan. I know who you are Mr. Donovan. Your contributions to the museum over the years have been extremely generous. Some of the pieces in your collection here are very impressive. -I know who you are Mr. Donovan. Your contributions to the museum over the years have been extremely generous. Some of the pieces in your collection here are very impressive. Well, like yourself, Doctor Jones, I have a passion for antiquities. Have a look over here. This might interest you. -Well, it's sandstone. Christian symbol. Early Latin text. Mid-Twelfth Century, I should think. That was our assessment as well. -That was our assessment as well. Where did this come from? -Where did this come from? My engineers unearthed it in the mountain region north of Ankara while excavating for copper. Can you translate the inscription? -"""Where the cup that holds the blood of Jesus Christ resides forever.""" The Holy Grail, Doctor Jones. The chalice used by Christ during the Last Supper. The cup that caught His blood at the Crucifixion and was entrusted to Joseph of Arimathaea. -The Arthur Legend. I've heard this bedtime story before. Eternal life, Doctor Jones! The gift of youth to whoever drinks from the Grail. Oh, now that's a bedtime story I'd like to wake up to! -Eternal life, Doctor Jones! The gift of youth to whoever drinks from the Grail. Oh, now that's a bedtime story I'd like to wake up to! An old man's dream. -An old man's dream. Every man's dream. Including your father's, I believe. -Hard to resist, isn't it? The Holy Grail's final resting place described in detail! What good is it? This Grail Tablet speaks of deserts and mountains and canyons. Pretty vague. Where do you start looking? Maybe if the Tablet were intact, you'd have something to go on. But the entire top portion is missing. -What good is it? This Grail Tablet speaks of deserts and mountains and canyons. Pretty vague. Where do you start looking? Maybe if the Tablet were intact, you'd have something to go on. But the entire top portion is missing. Just the same, an attempt to recover the Grail is currently underway. -"Let me tell you another ""bedtime story,"" Doctor Jones. After the Grail was entrusted to Joseph of Arimathaea, it disappeared and was lost for a thousand years before it was found again by three Knights of the First Crusade. Three brothers, to be exact." I've heard this one as well. Two of these brothers walked out of the desert one hundred and fifty years after having found the Grail and began the long journey back to France. But only one of them made it. And before dying of extreme old age, he supposedly imparted his tale to a -- to a Franciscan friar, I think. -I've heard this one as well. Two of these brothers walked out of the desert one hundred and fifty years after having found the Grail and began the long journey back to France. But only one of them made it. And before dying of extreme old age, he supposedly imparted his tale to a -- to a Franciscan friar, I think. "Not ""supposedly,"" Doctor Jones." -"This is the manuscript in which the friar chronicled the Knight's story... it doesn't reveal on location of the Grail, I'm afraid... but the Knight promised that two ""markers"" that had been left behind would. This Tablet is one of those ""markers."" It proves the Knight's story is true. But as you pointed out -- it's incomplete. Now, the second ""marker"" is entombed with the Knight's dead brother. Our project leader believes that tomb to be located within the city of Venice, Italy. As you can now see, Doctor Jones, we're about to complete a great quest that began almost two thousand years ago. We're only one step away." That's usually when the ground falls out from underneath your feet. -That's usually when the ground falls out from underneath your feet. You could be more right than you know. -You could be more right than you know. Yes? -Yes? We've hit a snag. Our project leader has vanished. Along with all his research. Uh, we received a cable from his colleague, Doctor Schneider, who has no idea of his whereabouts or what's become of him. I want you to pick up the trail where he left off. Find the man and you will find the Grail. -We've hit a snag. Our project leader has vanished. Along with all his research. Uh, we received a cable from his colleague, Doctor Schneider, who has no idea of his whereabouts or what's become of him. I want you to pick up the trail where he left off. Find the man and you will find the Grail. You've got the wrong Jones, Mister Donovan. Why don't you try my father? -You've got the wrong Jones, Mister Donovan. Why don't you try my father? We already have. Your father is the man who's disappeared. -DONOVAN! Didn't I warn you not to trust anybody, Doctor Jones? -Impossible? What do you say, Jones? Ready to go down in history? As what? A Nazi stooge like you? -As what? A Nazi stooge like you? Nazis?! -- Is that the limit of your vision?! The Nazis want to write themselves into the Grail legend and take on the world. Well, they're welcome. But I want the Grail itself. The cup that gives everlasting life. Hitler can have the world, but he can't take it with him. I'm going to be drinking my own health when he's gone the way of the Dodo. The Grail is mine, and you're going to get it for me. -Nazis?! -- Is that the limit of your vision?! The Nazis want to write themselves into the Grail legend and take on the world. Well, they're welcome. But I want the Grail itself. The cup that gives everlasting life. Hitler can have the world, but he can't take it with him. I'm going to be drinking my own health when he's gone the way of the Dodo. The Grail is mine, and you're going to get it for me. Shooting me won't get you anywhere. -Shooting me won't get you anywhere. You know something, Doctor Jones? You're absolutely right. -I'm through! We're through! -Doctor Jones? Yes? -Yes? I knew it was you -- -And my mother's ears. But the rest belongs to you. Looks like the best parts have already been spoken for. -The last time I saw your father we were in the library. He was very close to tracking down the Knight's Tomb. I've never seen him so excited. He was as giddy as a schoolboy. Who? Attila the Professor? He was never giddy, even when he was a schoolboy! -Fraulein -- will you permit me? I usually don't. -I usually don't. I usually don't either. -I usually don't either. In that case, I permit you. -It would make me very happy. But I'm already sad -- by tomorrow it will have faded. -But I'm already sad -- by tomorrow it will have faded. Tomorrow I'll steal you another. -My dad sent me this Diary for a reason. Until we find out why, I suggest we keep it to ourselves. Find something? -Bingo. You don't disappoint, Doctor Jones. You're a great deal like your father. -You don't disappoint, Doctor Jones. You're a great deal like your father. Except he's lost, and I'm not. -Except he's lost, and I'm not. Lower me down. -Pagan symbols. Fourth or Fifth Century. Right. Six hundred years before the Crusades. -Right. Six hundred years before the Crusades. The Christians would have dug their own passages and burial chambers centuries later. -The Ark of the Covenant. Are you sure? -Are you sure? Pretty sure. -It must be one of these... Look at the artistry of these carvings and the scrollwork. -What's that? It's a rubbing Dad made of the Grail Tablet. -Wouldn't it be wonderful if he were here now to see this? He never would have made it past the rats! He hates rats! He's scared to death of them! -Don't wander off. What? -I said go around! You said go between them! -You said go between them! I said don't go between them! -My room! Mine, too. -Mine, too. What were they looking for? -This. The Grail Diary. -The Grail Diary. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. You had it? You didn't trust me! -At least I let you tag along. Oh, yes. Give them a flower and they'll follow you anywhere. -Oh, yes. Give them a flower and they'll follow you anywhere. Knock it off. You're not mad. -Knock it off. You're not mad. No? -No? No. You like the way I do things. -No. You like the way I do things. It's lucky I don't do things the same way. You'd still be standing at the Venice pier. -What do you know about this place? I know the Brunwalds are famous art collectors. -What are you going to do? Don't know. Think of something. -This one. I think he's in here. How do you know? -This book contained a map -- a map with no names -- precise directions from the unknown city to the secret Canyon of the Crescent Moon. So it did. -How did you get here? Where is it? I want it. -You came back for the book? Why? My father didn't want it incinerated. -Is that what you think of me? I believe in the Grail, not the Swastika. Yet you stood up to be counted with the enemy of everything the Grail stands for -- who gives a damn what you think? -Yet you stood up to be counted with the enemy of everything the Grail stands for -- who gives a damn what you think? You do. -All I have to do is squeeze. All I have to do is scream. -I never expected to see you again. I'm like a bad penny. I always turn up. -Elsa! Elsa, don't move! It's ours, Indy. Yours and mine. -It's ours, Indy. Yours and mine. Elsa, don't cross the Seal. The Knight warned us not to take the Grail from here. -Elsa. Elsa don't. Elsa. Elsa. Give me your other hand, honey. I can't hold you. I can reach it. I can reach it... -Dad! Out! -Out! It's important! -It's important! Then wait -- count to twenty. -Then wait -- count to twenty. No, Dad. You listen to me -- -No, Dad. You listen to me -- Junior! -It is you Junior! Don't call me that, please. -Don't call me that, please. But what are you doing here? -But what are you doing here? I came to get you! What do you think? -Oh, it breaks the heart. And the head. You hit me, Dad! -And the head. You hit me, Dad! I'll never forgive myself -- -I'll never forgive myself -- Don't worry -- I'm fine. -Don't worry -- I'm fine. Thank God! -No! Dad, get your stuff. We've got to get out of here. Well, I am sorry about your head, though. But I thought you were one of them. -Well, I am sorry about your head, though. But I thought you were one of them. Dad, they come in through the doors. -Dad, they come in through the doors. Good point. -Humpf -- so I was wrong this time. But by God, I wasn't wrong when I mailed you my Diary. You obviously got it. I got it and I used it. We found the entrance to the catacombs. -I got it and I used it. We found the entrance to the catacombs. Through the library? -Through the library? Right. -Right. I knew it. And the tomb of Sir Richard? -Found it. He was actually there? You saw him? -He was actually there? You saw him? Well, what was left of him. -Well, what was left of him. And his shield... the inscription on Sir Richard's shield...? -And his shield... the inscription on Sir Richard's shield...? Alexandretta. It's a great moment in Henry's life. He turns aside, lost to himself for a moment, then turns to Indy with joy. -Alexandretta. It's a great moment in Henry's life. He turns aside, lost to himself for a moment, then turns to Indy with joy. Alexandretta... of course... on the pilgrim trail from the Eastern Empire. Oh, Junior... -...you did it. No, Dad. You did. Forty years. -No, Dad. You did. Forty years. If only I could have been with you. -If only I could have been with you. There were rats, Dad. -There were rats, Dad. Rats? -Rats? Yeah, big ones. What do the Nazis want with you Dad? -Yeah, big ones. What do the Nazis want with you Dad? They want my diary. -They want my diary. Yeah? -You didn't, did you? You didn't bring it, did you? Well, uh... -Well, uh... You did!! -You did!! Look, can we discuss this later? -Look, can we discuss this later? I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers. -I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers. Will you take it easy! -Will you take it easy! Take it easy?! Why do you think I sent it home in the first place? So it wouldn't fall into their hands!! -Take it easy?! Why do you think I sent it home in the first place? So it wouldn't fall into their hands!! I came here to save you. -I came here to save you. Oh yeah? And who's gonna come to save you, Junior?? -No! Don't Shoot! Don't worry. He won't. -She ransacked her own room and I fell for it. How did you know she was a Nazi? Umh? -Umh? How did you she was a Nazi? -How did you she was a Nazi? She talks in her sleep. -Ooooh... I like the Austrian way better. So did I. -So did I. Let's try and get these ropes loose. We've got to get to Marcus before the Nazis do! -Let's try and get these ropes loose. We've got to get to Marcus before the Nazis do! You said he had two days' start. That he would blend in. Disappear! -You said he had two days' start. That he would blend in. Disappear! Are you kidding? -- I made that up! You know Marcus -- he got lost once in his own museum! -What am I looking for? My lucky charm. -My lucky charm. Feels like a cigarette lighter. -Feels like a cigarette lighter. Try and burn through the ropes. -I ought to tell you something. Don't get sentimental now Dad -- save it 'til we get out of here. -Don't get sentimental now Dad -- save it 'til we get out of here. The floor's on fire! See?! -The floor's on fire! See?! What??? -What??? And the chair. -And the chair. All right, move! Move! Rock your Chair. Do what I do. -Dad! What? -What? Dad! -Dad! What? -What? Dad! -What? Head for the fireplace! -Head for the fireplace! Oh. -This is intolerable! I'm out, Dad! -Dad! ...the solution presents itself. -Come on, Dad. Come on! What about the boat? We're not going on the boat? -Stop! What? -What? Stop! Stop! -You're going the wrong Way! We have to get to Berlin! Brody's this way. -Brody's this way. My Diary's in Berlin. -My Diary's in Berlin. You don't need the Diary, Dad. Marcus has the map. -You don't need the Diary, Dad. Marcus has the map. There is more in the Diary than just the map. -There is more in the Diary than just the map. All right Dad -- tell me. -All right Dad -- tell me. Well, he who finds the Grail must face the final challenge. -Well, he who finds the Grail must face the final challenge. What final challenge? -What final challenge? Three devices of such lethal cunning. -Three devices of such lethal cunning. Booby traps? -Booby traps? Oh, yes. But I found the clues that will safely take us through, in the Chronicles of St. Anselm. -Oh, yes. But I found the clues that will safely take us through, in the Chronicles of St. Anselm. But what are they? Can't you remember? -But what are they? Can't you remember? I wrote them down in my Diary so that I wouldn't have to remember. -I wrote them down in my Diary so that I wouldn't have to remember. Half the German Army's on our tail and you want me to go to Berlin? Into the lion's den? -Half the German Army's on our tail and you want me to go to Berlin? Into the lion's den? Yes! The only thing that matters is the Grail. -Yes! The only thing that matters is the Grail. What about Marcus? -What about Marcus? Marcus would agree with me. -Marcus would agree with me. Two selfless martyrs. Jesus Christ! -That's for blasphemy. The quest for the Grail is not archaeology. It's a race against evil. If it is captured by the Nazis, the armies of darkness will march all over the face of the earth. Do you understand me? This is an obsession Dad. I never understood it. Never. Neither did Mom. -This is an obsession Dad. I never understood it. Never. Neither did Mom. Oh yes, she did. Only too well. Unfortunately she kept her illness from me until all I could do was mourn her. -What did you get? I don't know. The first available flight out of Germany. -I don't know. The first available flight out of Germany. Good. -When we're airborne, with Germany behind us, then I'll share that sentiment. Relax. -You know, sharing your adventures is an interesting experience. That's not all we shared. It's disgraceful. You're old enough to be her fa... er, her grandfather! -That's not all we shared. It's disgraceful. You're old enough to be her fa... er, her grandfather! Well, I'm as human as the next man. -Well, I'm as human as the next man. I was the next man. -I was the next man. Ships that pass in the night... -Do you remember the last time we had a quiet drink? I had a milk shake. Hmmm... What did we talk about? -Hmmm... What did we talk about? We didn't talk. We never talked. -We didn't talk. We never talked. And do I detect a rebuke? -And do I detect a rebuke? A regret. It was just the two of us, Dad. It was a lonely way to grow up. For you, too. If you had been an ordinary, average father like the other guys' dads, you'd have understood that. -A regret. It was just the two of us, Dad. It was a lonely way to grow up. For you, too. If you had been an ordinary, average father like the other guys' dads, you'd have understood that. Actually, I was a wonderful father. -Actually, I was a wonderful father. When? -Did I ever tell you to eat up? Go to bed? Wash your ears? Do your homework? No. I respected your privacy and I taught you self-reliance. What you taught me was that I was less important to you than people who had been dead for five hundred years in another country. And I learned it so well that we've hardly spoken for twenty years. -What you taught me was that I was less important to you than people who had been dead for five hundred years in another country. And I learned it so well that we've hardly spoken for twenty years. You left just when you were becoming interesting. -You left just when you were becoming interesting. Dad, how can you? -Dad, how can you? Very well. I'm here now. -Well... I can't think of anything. "Then what are you complaining about? Look, we have work to do. When we get to Alexandretta we will face three challenges. ""First, the breath of God. Only the penitent man will pass. Second, the Word of God, only in the footsteps of God will he proceed. Third, the Path of God, only in the leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth.""" -"Then what are you complaining about? Look, we have work to do. When we get to Alexandretta we will face three challenges. ""First, the breath of God. Only the penitent man will pass. Second, the Word of God, only in the footsteps of God will he proceed. Third, the Path of God, only in the leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth.""" What does that mean? -What does that mean? I don't know. We'll find out. -I didn't know you could fly a plane. Fly... yes. Land... no. -Dad -- eleven o'clock!! What happens at eleven o'clock? -Dad, are we hit?! More or less. Son, I'm sorry. They got us. -Nice landing. Thanks. -Those people are trying to kill us! I know, Dad! -I know, Dad! It's a new experience for me. -It's a new experience for me. It happens to me all the time. -This is intolerable! This could be close. -What do you think you're doing?! Get down! Dad, we're well out of range. -Now, who are all these people? Who cares? As long as they're keeping Donovan busy. Dad, you stay here while Sallah and I organize some transportation. -Dad? You call this archaeology? -You call this archaeology? Get out of there, Dad! -Dad?! Junior... -"""Only the penitent man will pass. Only the penitent man will pass.""" The penitent man will pass. The penitent... the penitent. The penitent man... -The penitent man will pass. The penitent... the penitent. The penitent man... The penitent man. The penitent... -The penitent man is humble before God. Penitent. Penitent... -Penitent. Penitent... The penitent man is humble... -"But in the Latin alphabet, ""Jehovah"" begins with an ""I""." """J""." -Junior, give me your other hand! I can't hold on!! I can get it -- I can almost reach it, Dad. -Elsa never really believed in the Grail. She thought she'd found a prize. What did you find, Dad? -What did you find, Dad? Me?... Illumination. -What did you find, Junior? Junior?! Dad... -I like Indiana. We named the dog Indiana. -Ready? Ready. -Uh-huh. After you, Junior. -After you, Junior. Yes, sir! Haaa! -I knew you'd come, but my strength has left me. Who are you? -Who are you? The last of three brothers who swore an oath to find the Grail and to guard it. -The last of three brothers who swore an oath to find the Grail and to guard it. That was seven hundred years ago. -That was seven hundred years ago. A long time to wait. -You're strangely dressed... for a knight. I'm not exactly... a knight. What do you mean? -I'm not exactly... a knight. What do you mean? I was chosen because I was the bravest and the most worthy. The honor was mine until another came to challenge me to single combat. I pass it to you who vanquished me. -Get that camel out of the way! What happened to Marcus, Sallah? -What happened to Marcus, Sallah? Ah, they set out across the desert this afternoon. I believe they took Mister Brody with them. -That car belonged to my brother-in- law. Come on -- come on! -I'm going after those horses. I'll take the camels. -I'll take the camels. I don't need camels. -I don't need camels. But, Indy -- -But, Indy -- No camels! -Sallah, I said no camels! That's five camels. Can't you Count? Compensation for my brother-in-law's car. Indy, your father and Brody -- -Compensation for my brother-in-law's car. Indy, your father and Brody -- Where's my father? -Where's my father? They have them. In the belly of that steel beast. -Why are you trying to kill us? Because you're looking for the Holy Grail. -Because you're looking for the Holy Grail. My father was looking for the Holy Grail. Did you kill him too? -My father was looking for the Holy Grail. Did you kill him too? No. -No. Where is he? Talk -- or you're dead. Damn it, tell me! Tell me! -Where is he? Talk -- or you're dead. Damn it, tell me! Tell me! If you don't let go, Doctor Jones, we'll both die. -If you don't let go, Doctor Jones, we'll both die. Then we'll die. -Then we'll die. My soul is prepared. How's yours? -This is your last chance. No, Doctor Jones. It's yours! -All right! Where's my father If you let me go, I will tell you where he is. -If you let me go, I will tell you where he is. Who are you? -Who are you? My name is Kazim. -My name is Kazim. And why were you trying to kill me? -And why were you trying to kill me? The secret of the Grail has been safe for a thousand years. And for all that time the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword has been prepared to do anything to keep it safe. -Ask yourself, why do you seek the Cup of Christ? Is it for His glory, or for yours? I didn't come for the Cup of Christ. I came to find my father. -I didn't come for the Cup of Christ. I came to find my father. In that case, God be with you in your quest. Your father is being held in the Castle of Brunwald on the Austrian-German border. -"Captain Blumburtt and his troops are here to check up on the ""natives""." Just a routine inspection tour. -Just a routine inspection tour. The British worry so about their Empire -- it makes us feel like well- cared-for children. -Dr. Jones, you know very well that the Thuggee cult has been dead for nearly a century. Of course. The Thuggees were an obscenity that worshipped Kali with human sacrifices. The British Army wiped them out about the time of the Mutiny of 1857. -Well, Mr. Prime Minister, my report will duly note that we found nothing unusual here in Pankot. I'm sure that will please the Maharajah, Captain. -I'm sure that will please the Maharajah, Captain. As I said before, we'd be happy to escort you to Delhi. -Interested in local curios? No. But I am interested in the occult. And this is a kryta. -Charming. It's like the voodoo dolls of West Africa. The kryta represents your enemy -- and gives you complete power over him. -It's like the voodoo dolls of West Africa. The kryta represents your enemy -- and gives you complete power over him. Thank God all that mumbo jumbo rubbish is disappearing. -Thank God all that mumbo jumbo rubbish is disappearing. You think so? -You think so? Of course. Admittedly, it's taken time. Britain's controlled India for almost two hundred years now. -You're hanging on better here than you did in America. This is a different situation, Dr. Jones. These people are like children. We have to lead them slowly into the twentieth century. -The Prime Minister doesn't seem that naive. No, he's a very shrewd old boy. Power behind the throne and all that. He actually runs this whole province. -I'm sure it's nothing. Just rumors. What was it they claimed was stolen? Something magical. A sacred rock. -Rather bizarre menu, wouldn't you say? Even if they were trying to scare us away, a devout Hindu would never touch meat. Makes you wonder what these people are... -I've spent by life crawling around in caves and tunnels -- I shouldn't have let somebody like Willie go in there with me. Miss Scott panicked? -Miss Scott panicked? When she saw the insects she passed out cold. I carried her back to her room. She was sleeping when I re- entered the tunnel to look around. -Then she must have run out of the room and you found her. Did you discover anything in that tunnel, Dr. Jones? -I believe we're being called to dinner. Finally! -Jones isn't in his room. Miss Scott -- my troops are leaving at dawn if you want us to escort you to Delhi -- No -- you can't go! Something awful's happened. They've got Short Round and I think Indy's been -- -No -- you can't go! Something awful's happened. They've got Short Round and I think Indy's been -- What? -What? We found a tunnel that leads to a temple below the palace! Please, come with me, I'll show you! -Who? It's some kind of cult! And they've got the sacred stones that Indy was searching for. -Hard to believe, isn't it...? I remember first hearing your name when I was studying at Oxford. I am Chattar Lal, Prime Minister for His Highness the Maharajah of Pankot. -The plane crash and your journey here sound -- most incredible. You should have been there... -"He's not exactly what we call ""a spring chicken""." No, no, that is Uhmed Singh, the present Maharajah's late father. -No, no, that is Uhmed Singh, the present Maharajah's late father. Oh -- good. And maybe the present Maharajah is a little younger? And thinner? -They will escort you to your rooms now. You will be provided with fresh clothes. Tonight you will be dining with His Highness. Dinner? And with a prince?! My luck is changing. But look at me -- my god, I've to get ready! -Listen, Mr. Lal, what do you call the Maharajah's wife? His Highness has not yet taken a wife. -His Highness has not yet taken a wife. No? Well, I guess he just hasn't met the right woman... -Miss Scott, you're not making any sense. I'm afraid they'll kill them! We saw horrible things down there -- they had a human sacrifice and they ripped a man's heart out! -I sense the fumes of opium in all this. Perhaps Miss Scott picked up the habit in Shanghai. What're you talking about -- I'm not a dope fiend! I saw it! I'll show you! -I would say you look rather lost. But then I cannot imagine where in the world the three of you would look at home... Lost? No, we're not lost. We're on our way to Delhi. This is Miss Scott -- and Mr. Round. My name's Indiana Jones. -Lost? No, we're not lost. We're on our way to Delhi. This is Miss Scott -- and Mr. Round. My name's Indiana Jones. Dr. Jones? The eminent archaeologist? -We'd appreciate it if the Maharajah would let us stay tonight. We'll be on out way in the morning. I am only his humble servant, but the Maharajah usually listens to my advice. -I had a question, Mr. Prime Minister. I was examining some of the Maharajah's artifacts. A very fine collection of very old pieces, don't you think? -A very fine collection of very old pieces, don't you think? Yes, very fine. But not all of the pieces look old. Some were carved recently and look like images used by the Thuggees to worship the goddess Kali. -I suppose stories of the Thuggees die hard. There are no stories anymore. -There are no stories anymore. Well, I don't know... we came here from a small village and the peasants there told us that the Pankot Palace was growing powerful again -- because of some ancient evil. -Their stories are just fear and folklore. Maybe... but how do you explain The Thuggee shrine I saw right below the palace? -You know the villagers also claimed that this palace stole something from them. Dr. Jones, in our country a guest does not usually insult his host. -Dr. Jones, in our country a guest does not usually insult his host. Sorry, I thought we were just talking about folklore. -There, you see, Captain. A rock! When they lost this rock their fields and animals died. They also said their children were taken from them. -When they lost this rock their fields and animals died. They also said their children were taken from them. I think that's enough of this nonsense, Dr. Jones... -I was dubious myself at first. Then something connected -- the village's rock and the old legend of the Sankara Stones... Dr. Jones, we are all vulnerable to vicious rumors. I seem to remember that in Honduras you were accused of being a grave robber rather than a scientist. -Dr. Jones, we are all vulnerable to vicious rumors. I seem to remember that in Honduras you were accused of being a grave robber rather than a scientist. The newspapers exaggerated the incident. -The newspapers exaggerated the incident. And didn't the Sultan of Madagascar threaten to cut your head off if you ever returned to his country? -And didn't the Sultan of Madagascar threaten to cut your head off if you ever returned to his country? That was a misunderstanding. -That was a misunderstanding. Exactly what we have here, Dr. Jones. -Mola Ram is telling the faithful of out victory. He says the British have left the palace, which proves Kali Ma's new power. Yes, I understand. -You understand what he tells us? Kali Ma protects us now and for ever, and we must pledge our devotion by worshipping her with an offering of flesh and blood! -Dr. Jones. Lao She. -Lao She. Nee chin lie how ma? -You never told me you spoke my language, Dr. Jones. I don't like to show off. -So, it is true, Dr. Jones? You found Nurhachi? Sure, I found him. Then last night I had a little trouble. Somebody tried to slit my throat. -You have insulted my son. Next time I'll cut off more than his finger. -Next time I'll cut off more than his finger. Dr. Jones -- I want Nurhachi. -What's that? A bonus, Dr. Jones. That is poison. You just drank the rest of it. -Now what about the antidote, Lao. At last I have the ashes of my sacred ancestor! -Wow! Holy smoke! Crash landing! Step on it, Short Round! -Step on it, Short Round! Okey-doke, Indy! Hold onto your potatoes! -You got the tickets, Short Round? Sure, Indy -- three tickets! You, me and Wu Han -- -Indy? Okay, Shorty. -Indy, they make our plane crash? To get you here? It's just superstition, Shorty. Like a ghost story. -I ride with you, Indy? Nope, you got a little surprise over there, Shorty. -Indy, look! That's it. Pankot Palace. -What you look at, Indy? Just a statue. -That little Maharajah think he big stuff. You don't like him do you? -You don't like him do you? Next time I flatten him! Did you see his eyes? -Next time I flatten him! Did you see his eyes? No. -No. Indy, they glow like fire and get real crazy! Then he talk in this real scary voice! -He was afraid of you. He knows a tough guy when he sees one. Yeah, that's what happened... -Get to sleep Indy -- I stay up and keep eye on things... Okay, Shorty... see you in the morning... I'm going to have a little -- word with Willie. -What does it mean, Indy? """Follow in the footsteps of Shiva. Do not betray his truth.""" -The village knew their rock was magic -- but they didn't know it was one of the lost Sankara Stones... Why they glow like that? -Why they glow like that? Legend says that when the stones are brought together the diamonds inside of them will glow. -This is Nainsukh -- from the village. They bring him here to dig in the mines. Why? -Come one, what's wrong? Behind you! -Slow on the curves or we'll fly off the tracks! Read you loud and clear, Indy! -Let up on the brake! What? -You were caught trying to steal the Sankara Stones. Nobody's perfect. The way I heard it, you stole one of them from a small village. -There were five stones in the beginning. Over the centuries they were dispersed by wars, sold off by thieves like you... Two are still missing. -Two are still missing. No. They are here -- somewhere. A century ago when the British raided this temple and butchered my people, a loyal priest hid the last two stones down here in the catacombs. -No. They are here -- somewhere. A century ago when the British raided this temple and butchered my people, a loyal priest hid the last two stones down here in the catacombs. That's what you've got these children -- these slaves digging for? -That's what you've got these children -- these slaves digging for? They dig for the gems to support our cause. They also search for the last two stones. Soon we will have all five Sankara Stones and the Thuggees will be all powerful! -They dig for the gems to support our cause. They also search for the last two stones. Soon we will have all five Sankara Stones and the Thuggees will be all powerful! Nobody can say you don't have a vivid imagination. -Nobody can say you don't have a vivid imagination. You do not believe me? You will, Dr. Jones. You will become a true believer. -That's far enough! You are in no position to give orders, Dr. Jones. -Give me the stones! Mola Ram -- you're about to meet Kali -- in Hell! -No, the stones are mine! You're betrayed Shiva. -On the way to Delhi, you will stop at Pankot. Pankot isn't on the way to Delhi. -Pankot isn't on the way to Delhi. You will go to palace there. -You will go to palace there. Hasn't the Pankot palace been deserted since the Mutiny of 1857? -Hasn't the Pankot palace been deserted since the Mutiny of 1857? No. Now there is new Maharajah -- and palace is powerful again. -It is Pankot Palace that kills my village. I don't understand. What's happened here? -I don't understand. What's happened here? The evil starts in Pankot. Then like monsoon, it moves darkness over all country. -The evil starts in Pankot. Then like monsoon, it moves darkness over all country. What evil? -What evil? They came from Palace and took sivalinga from out village. -It is why Krishna brought you here. Nobody brought us here. Our plane crashed. We were shot down by -- -Nobody brought us here. Our plane crashed. We were shot down by -- No. We pray to Krishna to help us find the stone. It was Krishna who made you fall from sky -- so you can got to Pankot Palace. To find sivalinga -- and bring back to us. -Was the stone very smooth? It was probably brought here from a sacred river. Long ago -- before my father's father. -Long ago -- before my father's father. And it had three lines painted across it? The lines represent the three levels of the universe. I've seen stones like the one you lost. -But why would the Maharajah take this sacred stone? They say we must pray to their evil god. We say we will not. -You will find them when you find sivlalinga. I'm sorry, I don't know how I can help you here. -I like the service here. Hey, he's not a waiter... -Hey, he's not a waiter... No, Wu Han's an old friend I brought along. So, the game's not over. Put the antidote on the table, Lao. -Look out, damn it, I need that antidote! Who cares? Where's that diamond! -For crying out loud, a kid's driving the car?! Relax, I've been giving him lessons. -Listen, we just met for crissake! I'm not that kind of girl! Don't get your hopes up -- where's the antidote? -You don't look very good. Poison never agrees with me. Pull a right, Short Round, and head for the Wang Poo bridge! -What're we going to do?! Where're we going?! The airport... No, look out, Short Round! Left, left! -I'll take the extra ticket. Where's this plane going anyway? Siam. -Siam. Siam? But I'm not dressed for Siam... -So, what're you supposed to be, a lion tamer? Since I was nice enough to let you tag along, why don't you give your mouth a rest? Okay, doll? -I'm freezing. What do you mean, tag along? From the minute you walked into that nightclub, you haven't been able to keep your eyes off me. Oh yeah? -Are you crazy, a lift raft?! We're not sinking, we're crashing! Get over here, damn it! Short Round, come on, grab onto me tight! -You all right? No... I'm not cut out for the kind of life you lead. Oh no... I ripped my dress. Where are we anyway? -India... Holy cow -- India? How do you know we're in -- -What'd he say? He told me they knew I was coming here. -He told me they knew I was coming here. What do you mean -- how? -What do you mean -- how? The old man saw it in a dream. -The old man saw it in a dream. Dream -- nightmare is more like it. -Dream -- nightmare is more like it. He said that's whey they were at river -- they were waiting for the plane to fall down. -God, I am starving, but I can't eat this... That's more food than these people eat in a week. They're starving, too... -Took what? It's a sacred stone in a shine that's supposed to protect a village. -And then they took their children. Their children? -What'd he say now? It was destined that I came here -- and the future cannot be changed... -Hey, Willie -- I think you better get out now. Stark naked? You wish... If you're trying to seduce me, Dr. Jones, this is a very primitive approach. -Stark naked? You wish... If you're trying to seduce me, Dr. Jones, this is a very primitive approach. Me seduce you? Honey, you're the one who took your clothes off. I just came over to remind you that you never know what else might be in the water. -Me seduce you? Honey, you're the one who took your clothes off. I just came over to remind you that you never know what else might be in the water. Somehow I feel safer in here. -Indy! Help me! Don't worry, I'm coming in! What is it? -Don't worry, I'm coming in! What is it? A snake! -A what...? A SNAKE!! -Hurry, help me out of here! What're you waiting for?! Uh, listen -- Willie -- I got a better idea. -Uh, listen -- Willie -- I got a better idea. What?! -What?! First of all -- don't panic! -Don't let it pull you deeper! It's pulling me deeper! -It's pulling me deeper! Don't let it curl around you! -Don't let it curl around you! It's curling around me! Damn it, stop talking and do something! -Listen, Willie. Do exactly what I tell you now. What?! -What?! Can you move your arm? -Can you move your arm? Just one arm! -Just one arm! Okay, I want you to lift your hand -- and pet the snake. -Okay, I want you to lift your hand -- and pet the snake. PET IT??!! -PET IT??!! Yes, stroke it right along the maxillary and precaudal vertebrae. -Yes, stroke it right along the maxillary and precaudal vertebrae. THE WHAT?! -THE WHAT?! Pet it on the head! Go on, pet it! -Oh -- my -- god -- it's going to crush me! Keep stroking it! -What's happening? It's starting to let go! -It's starting to let go! That's good -- you're doing fine. -Thanks for nothing! I hate snakes! I know the feeling... -Where'd you find your little bodyguard? I met Short Round when he tried to pick my pocket. -Shorty's family was killed when they bombed Shanghai. He was living on the streets. He'll be okay. He's a good kid. -By the way, how'd you end up in Shanghai? "Well, when my nightclub career was run over by the Depression, some pinhead convinced me that ""a girl could go places in the Orient..."" So, look where I got." -What about the future? Oh, that's easy -- I'm going to latch onto a good-looking, incredibly rich prince. -I'd like to find one of those myself. Oh really? -Oh really? Yeah, but he's got to be dead and buried for a couple of thousand years. Fortune and glory... -Yeah, but he's got to be dead and buried for a couple of thousand years. Fortune and glory... Is that what you're hoping to find at this palace, Dr. Jones? -Is that what you're hoping to find at this palace, Dr. Jones? Maybe... -The drawing shows a priest named Sankara who lived centuries ago. What does the writing say? -What does the writing say? It's Sanskrit. It tells the story of Sankara climbing Mt. Kalisa where he met the Hindu god Shiva. -It's Sanskrit. It tells the story of Sankara climbing Mt. Kalisa where he met the Hindu god Shiva. That's Shiva? What's he giving the Priest? -That's Shiva? What's he giving the Priest? Legend says he told Sankara to go forth and combat evil. To do that he gave him five sacred stones that had magical powers. -Legend says he told Sankara to go forth and combat evil. To do that he gave him five sacred stones that had magical powers. You mean magical like the rock that was stolen from that village? -I think you should sleep closer. I meant for safety. I'd be safer sleeping with that snake. -Couldn't keep away, huh? Just try and control yourself. -He's afraid of something. He said he couldn't take us any farther. He has to go sell the elephants. -He said he couldn't take us any farther. He has to go sell the elephants. You mean we have to walk the rest of the way? -Any more complaints? Yeah, I wish you'd thought of this sooner... -I've always had a weakness for folk dancing. She might get away with that act here, but she'd never make it in a real nightclub. -That's the Maharajah -- that kid?! Maybe he likes older women. -Cheer up, you lost your prince, but dinner's on the way. I've never been so hungry in my life... -Not leftovers? No -- real food. -You're nice. Listen, I'm taking applications -- how'd you like to be my palace slave? Wearing your jewels to bed, princess? -Yeah -- and nothing else. That shock you? "I'm a scientist. I like doing research on certain ""nocturnal activities"" --" -Primitive sexual practices? You're talking to an authority in that area. -You're dying to come into my room, aren't you? You want me so bad, why don't you invite me? -You want me so bad, why don't you invite me? Too proud to admit you're crazy about me, Dr. Jones? -Too proud to admit you're crazy about me, Dr. Jones? I think you're too used to getting you own way, Willie... -We'll see who gives in first -- I'll leave my door open. Don't catch cold. -Don't catch cold. Dr. Jones? -Five minutes... you'll be back over here in five minutes... You're dreaming, Willie. You want to make it real, just knock on my door. -No -- don't you see -- crawling -- What -- the bug? -Get -- the -- bug -- off! Gee, I wouldn't want to touch an ugly critter like that! -Oh no -- oh no!! You know, Willie, I'll bet he's mad because they were eating his friends for dinner. -You know, Willie, I'll bet he's mad because they were eating his friends for dinner. Please -- oh please, I'm going to die! Get it off! -What?! Willie, come here! Hurry up, we're in trouble!! -WILLIE?! I'm coming, what's the rush?! Ohh! What's that?! There's stuff all over the floor! I can't see a thing! -There's bugs! Bugs all over! Help! Help me! Willie, open the door! GET US OUT OF HERE! -GET US OUT! Willie, shut up and listen! There's got to be a fulcrum release! Look around! A what?! -A fulcrum release lever! I can't find any lever! Help me Indy! -There's a hole! I found a square hole! That's it -- the release lever -- look inside! -That's it -- the release lever -- look inside! I am -- it looks horrible! -Oh God, it's soft -- it's moving! Willie! -What is it...? It's a Thuggee ceremony. They're worshipping Kali, the goddess of Death and Destruction. -Oh my God! He ripped out his -- he killed him! No... the heart's still beating! -Let's go! Let's get out of here! Quiet! -Wait -- what're you doing? I'm going down. -I'm going down. Down? Down there?! Are you crazy! -Down? Down there?! Are you crazy! I'm not leaving without those stones. -I'm not leaving without those stones. You're gonna get killed chasing after your damn fortune and glory! -You're gonna get killed chasing after your damn fortune and glory! Maybe... someday. Not today. -It's okay. You're all right now. They think I'm insane. Tell them I'm not, Indy. Please -- help me ... -What? You've got to go to sleep now. -You've got to go to sleep now. I want to go home... -I want to go home... I don't blame you... this hasn't been what you'd call a fun vacation... -Indy? Did you talk to them? Yes. -Yes. So now they believe me. -So now they believe me. Yes, they believe you. -I was scared to death last night when I thought they were going to kill you. No... they won't kill me. -No... they won't kill me. You know you've been nothing but trouble since I hooked up with you -- but I have to admit I'd miss you if I lost you... -What're we going to do?! There's got to be another way out. -I can't! Go! -Let her go! Our only chance is outrunning them! What above the curves?! -Anymore ideas...? Yeah -- this time you're gonna help! -I guess Mola Ram got what he wanted. Not quite. -The last Sankara Stone. And they don't even know what it really is. -And they don't even know what it really is. Well, you didn't get your prince, and there goes your diamond. -Well, you didn't get your prince, and there goes your diamond. You didn't do so well yourself. Finding that stone could've gotten you all the fortune and glory you were talking about. -You didn't do so well yourself. Finding that stone could've gotten you all the fortune and glory you were talking about. It's still a long way to Delhi. Who knows what might happen. -I get it! You got it! -This is the first time anybody ever cried when I left. They don't cry about you. They cry about the elephants leaving. -They don't cry about you. They cry about the elephants leaving. Figures... -Figures... They got no food to feed them. So they taking the elephants away to sell them. -Give me your hat... What for? -What for? I'm going to puke in it... -I don't appreciate being cooked like a french fry! Willie, come on! -I said something. I know you did! -No, not her. Me. Who's you? -My name is AL. Al ???!!! -Where are you,...Al? You're not gonna believe this... -You're not gonna believe this... Try me. -Try me. I'm...inside you. -I'm reporting you to the .....transit authority!!! What's going on? -...reporting....him... ventriloquism...On a bus Don't do that. -Don't do that. Why not. -Arrrgh! It wasn't him. -It wasn't him. Who was it? -Who was it? Me. -Me. Who? -Who? Al. -Al. Yes? -Yes? This candid camera? -You're in my head... Yes. -Yes. Your name is Al... -Your name is Al... Yes. -Yes. I see... -No...no...it's nothing.. Rehearsing a play... What light through yonder window breaks...It is Al... and he's in my head. What is your name? -What is your name? You're in my head? You don't know my name? -You're in my head? You don't know my name? I just got here. -I just got here. What??? You lose your lease on a condo? -What??? You lose your lease on a condo? Where are we? -Where are we? Where are we? We're on the street. We're walking down the street. We're talking to ourselves. People are staring at us. -Where are we? We're on the street. We're walking down the street. We're talking to ourselves. People are staring at us. What street? -What street? What street?! We're walking down QUEER STREET. We coming to Dopey Drive. We're about to be put somewhere quiet where they won't mind that we talk to ourselves. -What street?! We're walking down QUEER STREET. We coming to Dopey Drive. We're about to be put somewhere quiet where they won't mind that we talk to ourselves. Why don't we go home? -Why don't we go home? Go home. Good idea. Get some rest. -Go home. Good idea. Get some rest. ...I need to make a phone call. -...I need to make a phone call. Do me a favor, Al. -Do me a favor, Al. Yeah? -Yeah? Shut up! -Somebody's been here. Where are we now? -Where are we now? My place, can't you see? -My place, can't you see? No. -No. You're in my head, you can talk to me and hear what I say, but you can't see anything. -You're in my head, you can talk to me and hear what I say, but you can't see anything. Right. -Right. Kind of an oversight, wouldn't you say. -Kind of an oversight, wouldn't you say. I'm working on it. Soon as I find the right nerve bundle. -I'm working on it. Soon as I find the right nerve bundle. Nerve bundle! What are you doing? You just leave the nerve bundles right where they are. -Who are you? Who am I? -Who am I? Yeah...Who? -Yeah...Who? Well...If you're in my head... to you, I'm...GOD! -Quit screwing around, this is important. It's my head, I'll be the judge of that. Anyway, who are you? -It's my head, I'll be the judge of that. Anyway, who are you? I told you, my name is Al. -I told you, my name is Al. What are you doing in my head, Al? -You've heard of the PEM114... That a new Datsun? -Are you threatening me? I'm trying to get you to listen to reason. -Look! I didn't ask to be in you. Don't blame me for it. You did it. Me? What'd I do? -Me? What'd I do? Yeah. What did you do? You explain it. ...why I'm not at the lab right now, in my tube, with my crew. Explain that! -Yeah. What did you do? You explain it. ...why I'm not at the lab right now, in my tube, with my crew. Explain that! I don't know what you're talking about. -I don't know what you're talking about. The Nicholson Node. I suppose you haven't heard of that either. -The Nicholson Node. I suppose you haven't heard of that either. No. -No. You've heard of U.S.T.? -You've heard of U.S.T.? I just went there for a job. -I just went there for a job. Then how'd I get here? -I know...it sounds insane. You said it. -What are you doing? Loading a gun. -Loading a gun. What for? -What for? Kill myself. -Kill myself. Are you crazy? -Are you crazy? Yep. -Yep. Don't do it. Don't aim at the head. -Don't do it. Don't aim at the head. Used to be, things were bad. No job...no money...no girl. Now I got all that and I'm crazy too. -Used to be, things were bad. No job...no money...no girl. Now I got all that and I'm crazy too. You're not crazy. -You're not crazy. Hear voices don't I. -Hear voices don't I. Of course you do! -Of course you do! Then I'm crazy. -You're not crazy. Don't...wait a minute, just let me explain. You're gonna explain. -You're gonna explain. Yeah JOE Why there's a little man in my head? -Yeah JOE Why there's a little man in my head? Yeah. -Yeah. Why he's argumentative? -Why he's argumentative? Yes...Yes...I'll explain it all. Just put the gun down. -You'll be alive. With a man in my head... -With a man in my head... Yeah. -What was that? Who was that? Somebody out there? -You weren't listening! Sorry...all this...buzzing in my head. Why don't I just take you back to UST? -Sorry...all this...buzzing in my head. Why don't I just take you back to UST? Why don't you? -No they won't. Why not? -Why not? I'll talk to them. -I'll talk to them. Oh...Gooood! -Oh...Gooood! I'll tell you what to say. -I'll tell you what to say. If I get you back to the lab, will you get out of my head? -If I get you back to the lab, will you get out of my head? If I'm real, they'll get me out. If I'm not, they'll treat you. Either way you'll be better off than you are now. You'll get a reward. -Anyone there? No one. Maybe I dreamed it all up. -Behind us? Still clear. Just a motorcycle. -What's that? Nothing. Just the cyclist. He's passed us. -What'd he look like? He's not the problem. It's the van in the back. -What do I do? Outrun them. -Outrun them. This is a Fiesta! -Now what? Whatever you do, just...don't stop. -I wouldn't say that. Then what are you stopping for? -Get your breathing down. You sound like a cement mixer. Can't see a Goddamn thi.. -I want out. Too late...They want you. -Too late...They want you. Why? AL You know too much. -Why? AL You know too much. I don't know anything. I just want to go home. -I don't know anything. I just want to go home. You have no choice, you're involved. Will you help? -Calm Down! Act rational. How do you act when someone trys to kill you? -I don't know...To get Al. No. Don't tell the guards. -Did you hear that? Yeah. Al wants to talk to you! -It can't take that long. Why? -JOE Or what? I don't know. I don't want to find out. -They could put you back in the tube.. I'd be helpless and useless. They don't have the PEM. Without that...there's no chance. -I'd be helpless and useless. They don't have the PEM. Without that...there's no chance. Well...they sure as hell aren't gonna get it for you. -Well...they sure as hell aren't gonna get it for you. "They're busy covering their asses. They're not the type of people we need.""" -"They're busy covering their asses. They're not the type of people we need.""" Yeah...Who is? -Yeah...Who is? I am. You are. -I am. You are. You are CRAZY! -You are CRAZY! You're the one talking to a little guy in your head. ...We'll have to do it on our own. -You're the one talking to a little guy in your head. ...We'll have to do it on our own. What do you mean we. -What do you mean we. You gotta help. -You gotta help. I did. I brought you back here. -I did. I brought you back here. We're a team...My...talent. Your... mobility. -We're a team...My...talent. Your... mobility. Thanks. -Thanks. Think of the scientific data we'll gain. Come on, lets get out of here. -Think of the scientific data we'll gain. Come on, lets get out of here. I'm not leaving until you do. -Ever think of what they might have to do to find me? Find You? -Find You? I'm not gonna make it easy. -They'll have to take you apart. ...piece by piece. Why don't you just get out, leave me alone. -Sue them. I'll sue. -I don't like the sound of that. We have to get out of here. -We have to get out of here. Door's locked. -Door's locked. See the codelock? Punch this in. 26993 -Now what. Go out, take your first left. -Go out, take your first left. Just walk down the hall? -Just walk down the hall? With Authority! -Which way do I go? What does it say. -What does it say. Corridor A. -Corridor A. Take a left and your next right. -Take a left and your next right. Where are we going? -A lab and equipment. Is it familiar? Have you been here before. -Is it familiar? Have you been here before. I was thirsty. He told me to get a drink. -I was thirsty. He told me to get a drink. Who did? -Who did? The man. -Oh my God...What did he look like, the man? I can't remember.. -Like the guys that attacked us. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Black suits and helmets. -Black suits and helmets. That's it. They know I'm in here. We've got to find them. -That's it. They know I'm in here. We've got to find them. That's not a good idea. -That's not a good idea. They think we're safe here. They don't really need us. They're probably long gone. -They think we're safe here. They don't really need us. They're probably long gone. Gone where? -Gone where? Don't know. -You need ID in there? You do. To get out of here. You're gonna be me. -You do. To get out of here. You're gonna be me. I don't wanna be you. I wanna go home. -I don't wanna be you. I wanna go home. You can't go home. When UST finds we're gone, they'll come after you and put us away. -Anything...A feeling...a smell..? Nothing! -Wait a minute. The fight. Where did he get you? Just scratched my arm, why? -Just scratched my arm, why? I'll be out of touch for a while. Just get to the airport. -I'll be out of touch for a while. Just get to the airport. The airport! Hey, wait a minute. -I'm back. I'm at the airport. -I'm at the airport. Good. Get to a phone. -Who is it? Not who. A data bank. Just keep your ear to the phone and don't make a sound. -Don't talk, I told you. You just screwed it up. What am I supposed to do? -What am I supposed to do? Nothing. You just do nothing. -What is it? Composition of the sand, ...trace elements..unique... -What do we do? Send a man there. A secret agent. -Send a man there. A secret agent. Who?... Wait a minute! I'm no agent, secret or otherwise. And..I'm alone. -Who?... Wait a minute! I'm no agent, secret or otherwise. And..I'm alone. You are not alone. But you are incon- picuous...and, with our abilities... -You mean...just leave. We get on a plane. -We get on a plane. We get on which plane? -What about money? What about it? -What about it? I don't have any. -I don't have any. Use my credit cards. -Use my credit cards. I can't do that. -I can't do that. Why not? -Why not? It's illegal. -It's illegal. Who cares? -Who cares? I'll get in trouble. -I'll get in trouble. You are in trouble. Now do it. -...and a license to kill... Well, if not to kill, then to bother and annoy. -They'll know who I am. We'll change your appearance. -It's just not enough. It's attitude...how you carry yourself. -It's attitude...how you carry yourself. What's wrong with how I carry myself. -What's wrong with how I carry myself. Nothing, but it's yours. Change it. Change your whole persona. -Nothing, but it's yours. Change it. Change your whole persona. Oh yeah, to what? -Oh yeah, to what? You'll be me. -You'll be me. I don't want to be you. I don't even like you, why would I want to be you? -I don't want to be you. I don't even like you, why would I want to be you? Because you got my ID. Now brace yourself. I'm gonna try something with your glands. -Because you got my ID. Now brace yourself. I'm gonna try something with your glands. You leave my glands alone! -Now what? The beach. -The beach. The beach? -The beach? How else do you get seaweed under your nails? -How else do you get seaweed under your nails? Eating sushi? -Eating sushi? Just get there. -Holy shit! What is it? -What is it? ...Just beautiful. -Do you notice anything. The sky, the sun, the sea... There's no one here. It's deserted. What now? -The sky, the sun, the sea... There's no one here. It's deserted. What now? Swim. -Swim. Good Idea! -Take it easy, now. Don't want you in over your head. Little late for that. -Here...all the seaweed you want. Now, what? You eat it. -You eat it. You eat it. You know what this stuff tastes like? -You eat it. You know what this stuff tastes like? I'm living on freeze dried limas and ham. Just eat it. -Now what? The sand. -The sand. Eat it? -Eat it? Eat it. -Eat it. I don't want to eat it. -I don't want to eat it. Why not? -Why not? It's sand. -It's sand. For chrissakes, it's only sand. You should see some of the stuff that's floating around in here. That sand's the cleanest thing in you, including me. Now EAT it! -Now lie down somewhere quiet and rest, I'll be back in a while. Where are you going? Wait! -Al, are you doing anything in there? What? What do you mean? -What? What do you mean? Are you screwing with any nerves? -Beautiful! What was? -What was? A girl. -This must be business, there's nothing else here. Follow it. -She's...pretty fast. You're out of shape. -What is it? She's beautiful...! What do I do? -You're beautiful.. What's happening? -What's happening? She doesn't seem to understand. -She doesn't seem to understand. Try another language. -Try another language. Which language? -Which language? How should I know? -Help me out, will you? What can I do? You're on your own. -What do I do? Don't just stand there, say something. -Don't just stand there, say something. What? -What? Anything. Aw hell...Just tell her the truth. -. . -Wait. Wait. -Where is she staying? Where are you staying? -Touch her. What? -What? Touch some part of her body. Trust me. It works. -...Joe. No...you idiot! -What happened? ...Rene... -Where are you going? To the hotel. To register. -To the hotel. To register. Without your pants. -Without your pants. Maybe they won't stand on ceremony. -Good thing I'm here to do the thinking. Yeah. Some help. That poetry really killed her. -Yeah. Some help. That poetry really killed her. It worked. -It worked. I made it work. -I made it work. You stumbled around. Remember, you've got my ID, you've got to be me, not some stumblebum. -You stumbled around. Remember, you've got my ID, you've got to be me, not some stumblebum. Rene... -Rene... I'm not some hot shot test pilot. I'm not some playboy. I don't usually pick up girls. -I'm not some hot shot test pilot. I'm not some playboy. I don't usually pick up girls. Well you did it today. -Well you did it today. Yeah. I did it. -Yeah. I did it. But, you've got to have... sophistication ...savoir faire. -Now, where would I be? What are you looking at? -But what's it look like? What's nothing look like? ...it looks like nothing. -What's nothing look like? ...it looks like nothing. Is something glinting? -What is it? Looks like...the optic nerve. I can see out! -You really like that shirt? This...is not going to work out. -Much too blue. Not blue enough. -Mind your own business. It is my business. It's my name. -It is my business. It's my name. But the rest is me. I'll dress like I want. -Not that tie with that coat. Why not?! -What did that cost? You want sophistication, it don't come cheap. -You want sophistication, it don't come cheap. Doesn't. -Which one is she? The beautiful one. -They both look good to me. You have no taste. -Get close to them. That place. By the window. -You're not just after this girl, are you? Who, me? -You got a better idea, you tell me. Other than her, there's no one here I know. Pan the group, will you. If you're right, at least one of them...is involved. -Pan the group, will you. If you're right, at least one of them...is involved. That's a big if. -Who are they? Stay on them, will you. How can we find out...Wait. The glasses. What glasses. -What glasses. The drinks...Stay on them. -Follow that busboy. Are you serious? -I feel like an idiot. Just hold them close and stay still. -Which one? The blond...GRUNER. A killer. -The blond...GRUNER. A killer. Killer! -Just don't show fear. I don't know what's going on. -I don't know what's going on. It lends you an air of mystery. -He recognises you, throw him off. My coast is Maine, actually. We have a place in Bar Harbor...And a bar in Sutton Place. -My coast is Maine, actually. We have a place in Bar Harbor...And a bar in Sutton Place. Don't get too cute. -Joe, be careful! ...I've lost something. I must get it back. -They're all in it. How do you know? -How do you know? Voice stress analyzer. -Voice stress analyzer. Your data must be bad. Everyone can't be lying all the time. -Even Rene? She's the toughest to read. -She's the toughest to read. Maybe she's telling the truth. -Maybe she's telling the truth. Can't tell. Every time I try her, you look away. Or you make noises. Maybe you don't want to know. -Can't tell. Every time I try her, you look away. Or you make noises. Maybe you don't want to know. Come on...look at her. Don't you know anything about women?... The data is skewed. We might as well go with instinct... -What is it, your charm? This just won't work. -This just won't work. You're doing great with her. -You're doing great with her. Not her. You! -Not her. You! What is it? -What is it? You can't listen. You can't watch either. -It's embarrassing. What if she says something important? -What if she says something important? I'll be right here. I'll keep it in mind. I'll get a lot more from her without you butting in. -I'll be right here. I'll keep it in mind. I'll get a lot more from her without you butting in. What am I supposed to do? -What am I supposed to do? You got any books in there? -You got any books in there? Oh come on. -Oh come on. You shut down your sensors. -You shut down your sensors. Joe! It's 56 hours! -Joe! It's 56 hours! I mean it. You watch old tapes of the ballgame, I'll fill you in... later. I mean it. -What Happened? I don't know! -I don't know! What she say. What'd you get out of her? -Ahhh...works...Ryuji... travel...just business...She's.. Fine Arts, University of Tokyo.. Is that all? -Is that all? Oh, you were right. They've all been here before... met just last week. -She's got the most beautiful...s Shit! You're in love. -And on my time. It's not your time. I get time off. -It's not your time. I get time off. You get time off to sleep. -No. What do you hope? AL I hope. I just hope. That someday, you're real small, and you've got no time. And you got no one to help you. And you depend on me. And you know what I'll do? No. What will you do. -No. What will you do. I...I'll got to the movies. That's what I'll do! -You been had. We have. It wasn't like that. -Some agent you are. Why don't you get out of my face. -Bingo. You found her. -You found her. Better. I found Ryuji. -Better. I found Ryuji. That's good. It's not better. Where? -That's good. It's not better. Where? Osaka. -Osaka. Osaka? -Osaka? Fountainhead of High-Tech. -Don't you think I stand out like this. We are trying to stand out. Right near his address. Easier to get them to come to us, than to try and find them. ..now keep your eyes open, something might present itself. -We are trying to stand out. Right near his address. Easier to get them to come to us, than to try and find them. ..now keep your eyes open, something might present itself. I'm running in circles in the middle of some foreign country. I don't speak their language, they don't speak mine. I don't even know where I am. What's going to present itse........ -What do I do? Follow her. -Follow her. On what? -On what? Run, stupid! -Come on, she's getting away. I can't keep up. -Beer. And cakes...cookies ..anything bad. That's not funny. -Sapporo.. Just stay here and rest. -Just stay here and rest. Where are you going? -Where are you going? Down to your heart. I'm gonna clean some fat out before you drop on me. -Down to your heart. I'm gonna clean some fat out before you drop on me. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Al, you leave my heart alone... -`Joe. I'm here. You're Okay. What do I do? -What do I do? Relax. Let me do this. -Relax. Make your mind a blank. It is a blank. This is no time for Zen. -What are you doing? Wait a minute. Lets think this through. You think. That's what you're good at. -Yeah...You've fallen for her. I told you, I have a feeling... -I told you, I have a feeling... One of your instincts? -One of your instincts? I know she's not with them. I know something else. What's bothering you isn't her. -Don't touch a thing. Don't worry! -...drink it. Too late. -What next! Drink lots of water. -I can't... You have to! Quickly! -You have to! Quickly! ...imagine a better grape for the region. -What are you doing? Trying to analyze this stuff. Now...go to the medicine shelf and take ---- and ----. -Ow! A hard left. A hard left. -Door to the right. Get up and run. I can't see a thing. -I can't see a thing. Neither can they. -What? Never mind, just say it. -He was with Gruner! You were with GRUNER! -I need a guide and you need a client...and $1000. No. You can't trust her. -Hiroshima! She's going, with us? Are you out of your mind. Probably. -Probably. I don't trust her. -I don't trust her. Then why let her out of our sight? Besides, she's all we've got... -It's him. Come on. -Plenty of circuits in a Walkman... I've got an idea. -I've got an idea. I was afraid of that. -You sure this will work? Not sure at all. -Not sure at all. Well at least talk it up, then. I feel like an idiot. -Well at least talk it up, then. I feel like an idiot. Just say the words. Just like I told you. -What was it? What'd I say? You said 100,000 yen for the right Sony Walkman. -haka xuki. haka xuki. What's that mean? -haka xuki. What's that mean? Cash. -Left...The one with the red dot. Well...? -Well...? It's not the one...Wait... there's a label. -He hung us up dry. While he makes the run. -While he makes the run. Where? -It's in the watch. He lead us on that chase while Dieter brought the chip into Hong Kong. And Dieter? -And Dieter? He must not know. GRUNER just made the switch back. -Then, why'd he lead us here. He didn't. He left us that walkman chip to confuse us. Would have kept most people busy. We were too fast for him. -Do it. I can't handle that thing. -I can't handle that thing. Don't worry, I can. -Are you alright? Just fine. I'll do the driving from now on. -Aim just in front of his face. Aim what? -Holy... ...Shit! It's just money. -He aready made the deal.. The man we want has the PEM, and is across the border by now. -The man we want has the PEM, and is across the border by now. Dieter! -Dieter! GRUNER switched the chip to him, not from him, then he led us away again...to Chiang Cho. -There's a lot you don't know. And don't let her know, either. -This may hurt. Well, don't let it. What are you doing? -Pretty advanced, isn't it? Ought to be, they stole everything and reverse-engineered it. Looks like all they need is the chip. -Do something. What exactly? -What exactly? I don't know. -What happened? Losing power. The laser drained it. -Be quiet. Where've you been? -Where've you been? Never mind that, where are we now. -Never mind that, where are we now. We are in a dungeon. How do we get out? -We are in a dungeon. How do we get out? Gimme a minute. -Gimme a minute. Looks like you can have all you want. -I can always flush you down the toilet. Keep thinking. -Keep thinking. I have been... I think you're right. -I have been... I think you're right. About what? -About what? Dieter asked where I was. He expected me here. Maybe someone was assigned to bring me here. -Dieter asked where I was. He expected me here. Maybe someone was assigned to bring me here. Rene? -Rene? She works for them. -She works for them. Now, you're too suspicious. -Now, you're too suspicious. You were the one who was always suspicious of her! -You were the one who was always suspicious of her! I was wrong. She tried to help us get away. -I was wrong. She tried to help us get away. No. She just stayed with us. Like she did all along. -She is beautiful. You've changed your mind. -Not really. Truth is...I was ..jealous. Of you. Thing is...I think I'm in love with her. -Thing is...I think I'm in love with her. Oh no! -I know it's no good. I've no right to be jealous. She's in love with you. Anyone can see that. -She's in love with you. Anyone can see that. They can? -You're a lucky man. Yeah, sure. -She's so lovely. It's all my fault...I was wrong. You're lovely. -I don't know how we're gonna get out of this, but we will, somehow. I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done. -I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done. I want to thank you for what you've done. -Awwww... I mean it! No one else would have helped. I take it all back, everything I've said about you. -Don't worry, I owe you a lot. I'm not gonna let us rot here. I'm gonna find us a way out. I'll get us out of here. -I'll get us out of here. Don't worry about me. You take this time for your own, you two..... -In a way, we're like brothers... I can't have her. I want you to. That's nice. -What are you doing? Sending what we know back to U.S.T. via satellite. -JOE Go to, What the Hell does that mean?!! GO-TOE. It's some islands. -GO-TOE. It's some islands. JOE What does some island have to do with this? It's a mistake? -JOE What does some island have to do with this? It's a mistake? It's all we've got. -JOE What abilities...? Face it, we're the men for the job. Besides, if someone is really chasing you, the best way to avoid them is to keep moving ...and FIND THE GODDAMN PEM. -I've got twenty hours left. I could die in here. And you're falling in love. JOE It's not love. It's like. It's real strong like. And I got your information. Now, get off my back! -JOE It's not love. It's like. It's real strong like. And I got your information. Now, get off my back! Some friend you are! You know what I hope? -You just got a Mickey. RYUJI Bandaio. Grown near here. -Not that truth! Aren't we all. -Sorry... It'll remind me of you. -It'll remind me of you. Works like a charm when I use it. You didn't say it right. -Doesn't matter. What part what? -What part what? The best part. She'll love it. -I've seen that before. Never had anyone actually do it. Do what? What'd you do? -What is your name? Don't give her your name. -No! Oh, I can't. -Oh, I can't. Good. -We've ruined his market in Japan.. Where's Dieter? Dieter? -I'm against it. I insist. -Can you fly this? Don't worry. -I'm...scared. Look, I don't know how we're gonna get out of this. -I didn't do anything. I know we fight, but I don't mean it. You're quite a guy. No one else could have dealt with this. -Nice? In my own way...I want you to know that...I love you. -What kind of a deal? Let us get to the border! -Let us get to the border! Then what? -I knew you were trouble. Trouble...is, if we both get stuck here. -What happened? Joe's escaped. Dieter's in him. -Joe's escaped. Dieter's in him. In him? -In him? It's a long story. -It's a long story. ya hyutn slulptsa? -They have stolen state property. What a nerve! -I knew he was following us. He diverted attention, exposed Ryuji's trap.. Rene? -Rene? She found out what she could ...and delivered him here. -Impossible. I'll prove it. We'll repeat their procedures...put a man in our POD, bring it down, and then...inject him. -If there is a POD inside him, We'll find it, and bring it out for study. Who's our little man? -Who's our little man? Me. -Me. No. If anything happened, you'd be stuck in there like he was. -No. If anything happened, you'd be stuck in there like he was. I take the last chip in with me. I use it, to control re-enlargement, from inside. -You didn't tell us you were coming? Then how did you know? -You've cut your hair? I dyed it. We're all getting old. -PEM115! **?!! -**?!! Newer, more powerful design. -How about a deal? We'll let you go. You leave the pods and the PEM. -Surveillance Cameras? They took the tapes. -They took the tapes. You have nothing... -You have nothing... We don't even know where to start. What about these people? What do we do with them? -We'll have to let them go. Surveilliance on them all. -Must be delayed effects of the drug... I'll get him out of here. He work for us? -He work for us? Ah...no sir. He was here for a job interview. -What Job? Doesn't matter. Then put him away. -Doesn't matter. Then put him away. Sir? -Sir? Private clinic. Best of care. Total privacy. We'll pay all costs. -Private clinic. Best of care. Total privacy. We'll pay all costs. Bit expensive, sir. -Bit expensive, sir. It's the least we can do. After all, it's our responsibility. -Who is your friend? We met on the beach. -We met on the beach. Join us. -What are you doing here, where've you been? I have a new client. -I have a new client. That crazy guy? -That crazy guy? Yes. Joe. -Well, I'm glad to see you. Sorry things broke up like that. It's just money. -It's just money. Hey, sit in the car. I'll get you a fee. Make up for what you lost on the tour. -Yes? He's not an ordinary man. -He's not an ordinary man. Enough ROmance. -Enough ROmance. He's...more. Somehow, enhanced... He's...zxflbbgt! -I don't want to intrude. We insist. -Al Viola. That name's familiar. -That name's familiar. It is to me too. -It is to me too. You remind me of someone. You from the west coast? -...Foreign service. And how do you service foreigners. -And how do you service foreigners. Well...I try to give them whatever they want. -What brings you here? I came for a rest. As, I imagine, you did. To get away with it all. -And...you know Jan Gruner? I think I've heard of you. -Now remember, your short term memory may have been affected. What? -What? Your memory. -Your memory. What about it? -What about it? It may have been affected. -It may have been affected. Oh. -Oh. You may not remember things. -You may not remember things. What things? -What things? I don't know...the last couple of hours...last few days. -I don't know...the last couple of hours...last few days. Oh...that's okay. -Oh...that's okay. When you do... -When you do... Do what? -Do what? When you remember... -When you remember... Remember what? -Remember what? Anything....You call us right away. You got that? -Anything....You call us right away. You got that? Yeah. If I remember anything... I call ...you -Yeah. If I remember anything... I call ...you Right. -Right. Who...are you? -Who...are you? Sergeant Finnegan. Name's right there on the card. Are you sure you're alright? -Sergeant Finnegan. Name's right there on the card. Are you sure you're alright? How do I look? -How do I look? Fine. You look fine. -Fine. You look fine. Thanks. -Thanks. Well... -Well... Well what? -Well what? We're here. -We're here. Here? -Here? Home. Your home. The address on your form. -Home. Your home. The address on your form. Oh. -Oh. Don't you want to get out? -Don't you want to get out? Oh....Sure. -Oh....Sure. Why don't you lie down until you feel better. -Why don't you lie down until you feel better. I feel fine. -I feel fine. You'll feel better -You'll feel better I will? -I will? Look, we'll bring your car home. just take it easy until the effects wear off. You need anything, just call this number. -Joe. What? -What? Take the card. -Take the card. Oh yeah, thanks... -Now, Joe, you know it was all a mistake, don't you? No, it wasn't, It was intentional. -No, it wasn't, It was intentional. Why would we want to hurt you? -Why would we want to hurt you? Not you. Them. -Not you. Them. Who? -Who? I don't know Who. -Al? The little man in my... ...head... -I'm not going anywhere until you get this guy out of my head. Of course you're not. We'll take good care of you. -Ahhh...nothing. Been complaning of hallucinations. -Been complaning of hallucinations. Not...complaining, actually. -Not...complaining, actually. Been hearing voices. -Was quite excited, when he came in... Much better now, thank you. Just sit here quietly...see there's nothing to worry about...just be my old self again....soon... -Sue who? You...him...UST. -That Rene...lovely girl...a killer! I noticed you staring. -I noticed you staring. Couldn't help it. No offense. She's not your wife is she...? -And you, there are many places to get away. Why here? A little voice in my head. -You may you find all the solitude you want. Thanks, I appreciate that. -Don't do it! Just give me the keys. -Just give me the keys. Whatever it is, don't do it. -How's that for fucking Savoir Fair! Sir? -How's that Trucklhouser Beer? We have Henekin, Kirin... Very good, sir. -We have Henekin, Kirin... Very good, sir. This sophistication ain't tough. All it takes is a credit card. -Now you know what I know. Sir? -About cholesterol...You know what I know, you'd have the seafood. Ahhh. Good choice, sir. -The fresh tuna?.. Yessir...very good sir. -Yes...What is it? What's what? -What's what? What do you want? -What do you want? Nothing. -Nothing. What did you say? -What did you say? Nothing. -Nothing. What? -What? I said...I didn't say..anything! -I said...I didn't say..anything! Then who did? -Then who did? You did. JOE No I didn't. You said something first. -Oh...and who is it!? I didn't say anything. -What do you do about what? ...I'm looking for someone. -Is someone else here? No. No one to speak of. -No. No one to speak of. I am confused. Or maybe it's you. -...Blake Blake? -Blake? The poet...something he said... -The poet...something he said... Yes? -Blake said that? Yeah. One of the corniest lines I ever heard. -I'll be right there. Where? -Where? Dinner...tonight. -Dinner...tonight. Oh...I can't. Business. -And you. ...right here too. -...right here too. Haven't seen you around. -I can't do that? Do what? -Do what? Let you leave without it. -Let you leave without it. Without what? -What's so funny? Nothing...Al. Why do you talk that way? -Nothing...Al. Why do you talk that way? What way? -What way? Like there's someone else here. -Wait. What's your name? ...Rene. -You mean from it. Yes, of course. -And you? I just work for the travel firm. -You again. Me still. They left you alone? -Me still. They left you alone? I waited for you. -I waited for you. Why? -Why? ...I...don't know. -I guess it's a combination you don't often see. Apparent attraction.. It's not apparent. -It's not apparent. ...and sort of...disinterest. -...and sort of...disinterest. Disinterest? -Disinterest? As if your mind's not all there. -As if your mind's not all there. I am sort of scattered. -I am sort of scattered. Can I help? -Can I help? You are. -You are. Are you alright? -Promise you what? That you're not crazy. -That you're not crazy. I promise you that. I am not crazy. Course, if I was, I'd be the last to know. Why do you ask? -I promise you that. I am not crazy. Course, if I was, I'd be the last to know. Why do you ask? You talk to yourself. -You talk to yourself. But I don't listen...then I'd be crazy. -But I don't listen...then I'd be crazy. Why do you do it? -Why do you do it? If I was with you, I wouldn't -If I was with you, I wouldn't You did. -You did. That was then. This is now. Who am I talking to? -That was then. This is now. Who am I talking to? You're talking to me. -You're talking to me. And how'm I doing? -And how'm I doing? You're doing...Okay. -You're doing...Okay. Just Okay... -...Ummm, you really work for the foreign service? ...Naw. Made that up. -...Naw. Made that up. Who do you work for? -Who do you work for? No one. No one at all. I'm unemployed. Who do you? -No one. No one at all. I'm unemployed. Who do you? Trans Ocean Travel. -Trans Ocean Travel. Is that Ryuji? -Is that Ryuji? No. Ryuji just hires us. -No. Ryuji just hires us. Hires you for what? -Hires you for what? To organize things. Meetings and travel...Whenever they come here, I handle details. -To organize things. Meetings and travel...Whenever they come here, I handle details. How often they come here? -How often they come here? He likes the quiet. They were here last week. -He likes the quiet. They were here last week. And you, what do you like? -And you, what do you like? That depends... -Joe! What happened to you? Why'd you run off? -Why did you leave? They left. I had to go with them. -They left. I had to go with them. Why didn't you tell me? -Why did you stay with me? Wanted to get to know you. -Wanted to get to know you. Why? -Why? You seemed interesting. -You seemed interesting. Who else is interested in me? -Who else is interested in me? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Your friends, did they ask about me? -Your friends, did they ask about me? They kidded me a little. -They kidded me a little. What did you tell them? -What did you tell them? There's not much to tell. -There's not much to tell. Why did they leave? -Why did they leave? I don't know, Ryuji said there was a change of plans. -I don't know, Ryuji said there was a change of plans. You work for Ryuji? -You work for Ryuji? Sometimes. I told you I did. -Sometimes. I told you I did. Were you working for him last night? -Were you working for him last night? Last night? -Last night? Did he put you up to it? Did he ask you to sleep with me? -Did he put you up to it? Did he ask you to sleep with me? No, he didn't do that. -No, he didn't do that. He didn't. -He didn't. No. -No. Who did? -Who did? You did. -I'm not worried, I'm not going to eat it. This is a tough place to keep Kosher. -You're leaving. Food doesn't agree with me. -Food doesn't agree with me. I'm leaving too. -I'm leaving too. Why? -Why? This business is over. -This business is over. I'm sorry. What will you do? -I'm sorry. What will you do? Go back to Tokyo. Try to get another tour....You're following GRUNER? -Go back to Tokyo. Try to get another tour....You're following GRUNER? I'm just on vacation. -I'm just on vacation. Now, so am I...What's so interesting about him? -You know where he went? What's he done? -What's he done? He stole something. From a friend of mine. -He stole something. From a friend of mine. He must be a good friend. -He must be a good friend. We're very close. -We're very close. What'd he steal? -What'd he steal? A chip. Goes in a computer. -A chip. Goes in a computer. One chip? -One chip? The most important one. Can you help me find him? -The most important one. Can you help me find him? How do you know you can trust me? -How do you know you can trust me? Got to trust someone. -I don't know. He mentioned a city. What is it? -What is it? Hiroshima. -Hiroshima. Get your things. -You don't believe me. Oh sure. -Oh sure. Then why are you smiling like that? -Then why are you smiling like that? Lots of my clients are rich guys... They like danger..like playing with drugs and things...running around, acting mysterious. -Lots of my clients are rich guys... They like danger..like playing with drugs and things...running around, acting mysterious. You think I'm like that? -What's Gruner like? They'd never talk in front of me. They'd walk away up the beach. Nervous about something. -They'd never talk in front of me. They'd walk away up the beach. Nervous about something. Who was? -Who was? Ryuji and Gruner. -Ryuji and Gruner. And Dieter. -And Dieter. Friend of Gruner. Just went along for the party. -Friend of Gruner. Just went along for the party. And you? -And you? It was a good job. Not many ways for a foreigner to make money here. Ryuji hires me to organize business meetings...take care of things. -Where we going? Beats me. -This boat doesn't go anywhere. Just toots around the Inland Sea. Must be a pick-up, a rendezvous. -Must be a pick-up, a rendezvous. Then where's the chip. -What? He plays it all the time. -Now what? We figure out if it's in here. -We figure out if it's in here. How? -How? Why don't you get us some food. This may take some time. -That must be him. Water taxi. Get us one. -Get us one. Too late, they won't come back out till morning. -Where what? Where would you go to sell a chip? -If Gruner led us away, Who'd he lead us away from? Hong Kong. -Hong Kong. What? -What? Dieter's gone to shoot a still job. Hong Kong. -Wait a minute! How'd you know Dieter was coming here? I asked him. -I asked him. Oh. -Why'd you ask him. He's a client of mine! What's the matter. You can't suspect Dieter. He's a famous photographer. He makes millions. -He's a client of mine! What's the matter. You can't suspect Dieter. He's a famous photographer. He makes millions. Maybe I'm wrong. Then GRUNER won't be here. -What? I said just relax. I'm in full control. -Chiang Cho? ...across THE BORDER. Come on! -...across THE BORDER. Come on! That's not this direction. It's back the other way. -That's not this direction. It's back the other way. You've been there? -You've been there? I know the territory. -I know the territory. You coming along? -So do I. This going to work? -This going to work? Maybe they're expecting Gruner. I'm gonna be him. -Maybe they're expecting Gruner. I'm gonna be him. He's Dutch. You can't even speak Dutch. -Why not? Can you? -Can you? Sure I can, can't I? -What happened? I can't fly it. -I can't fly it. What'd...you forget? -Are you alright? Yes. No. I'm...okay. They can't do this. They can't hold us here. -Yes. No. I'm...okay. They can't do this. They can't hold us here. Looks like they can. What did they do? -Looks like they can. What did they do? They asked about you. -They asked about you. What did you tell them? -What did you tell them? That I really don't know. -That I really don't know. Now what? -Now what? They'll listen to what we say in here. -What? Oh, about Dieter, Yes. It was him. Gruner works for him. Why? -What a mess. You can say that again. What do we do? -You can say that again. What do we do? Nothing we can do. -What? They can hold us here forever. Nobody knows about us. -They can hold us here forever. Nobody knows about us. Can't you do something? -I'm sorry I got you into this. It was my choice. -Don't blame yourself, I didn't have to come along. Why did you, then? -Why did you, then? For you. -I encouraged you to come here. My fault as much as yours. I was...crazy...desperate. I took it out on you. I didn't mean it. I know what she sees in you. You're kind and you're brave. If I ever get out of you, I'll be glad to call you my friend. -How? What? -Now what? I've never met anyone like you. -Uh...wonderful. I know I'm strange, but in my own way, I love you I love you too. -Don't worry. Why not, what are you going to do? -Why not, what are you going to do? Escape. -Just like that? I'll come back for you. -I'll come back for you. Aren't you a little optimistic? -You son of a bitch! You conned me! You're gonna laugh. -Kiss her you fool. Her? -Who are you? Who do you work for? Doesn't matter. I'm on your side. -Doesn't matter. I'm on your side. I knew it. I told him. -I knew it. I told him. Now what? -Now what? We just don't stop. -He can't help us. Do something! -Do something! Do what? I don't know. I'm no good at this. -Do what? I don't know. I'm no good at this. You are, I've seen you. -You are, I've seen you. It wasn't me. It was him. -It wasn't me. It was him. It was you. -It was you. He told me what to do. -He told me what to do. But you did it. It was you. -It was me. He just told me how...I wish he could tell me now. If he was able, what would he say. -Come on. That's twenty feet high. -That's twenty feet high. "Like Al says...""Under stress, the human body is capable of impossible feats." -Riuji? I told you, I work for him. -What is it? We're not moving fast enough for him. -He wants to apologise. He should do it in person ...I mean ex person. -He should do it in person ...I mean ex person. Yeah...I have to get away. -Yeah...I have to get away. I know a nice island. -Must be a fulfilling occupation. It keeps me busy. Everybody always wants something. -What could you find in this place? ...Piece of mind. -Excuse me? Could have been drunk a little sooner, but excellent...good character...What is it? -I can't. He didn't do anything. Thanks to you. Why are you on to him? -Why are you on to him? We've had thefts of our new stuff ...GRUNER deals in this... A big deal is going down now. I went to see if GRUNER had anything to sell. But he didn't make any moves...And when you arrived, he backed off. -We've had thefts of our new stuff ...GRUNER deals in this... A big deal is going down now. I went to see if GRUNER had anything to sell. But he didn't make any moves...And when you arrived, he backed off. Why'd you invite me here? -Why'd you invite me here? Someone is selling. You followed us. If it's not him, it must be you. If it's not you, it must be him... You scared him off. -Someone is selling. You followed us. If it's not him, it must be you. If it's not you, it must be him... You scared him off. What about the others. -What about the others. I don't know. -Joe Doakes? It's quarter to 10... I'm sorry. We're running behind. So many applicants...so few jobs... If you'll just have a seat. -I'm sorry. We're running behind. So many applicants...so few jobs... If you'll just have a seat. I have a seat. I've had it since nine. -I have a seat. I've had it since nine. ...Mr. Athol will be with you as soon as possible. Will you be able to wait? -Is there anything else? A drink... -A drink... Water fountain's through that door, down the hall. -Water fountain's through that door, down the hall. Thanks. -Wait. Why? -Why? You can't take that. -You can't take that. Why not? -Why not? The experiment. The danger... -It's alright. It is? -It is? It will be fine. You have another. -It will be fine. You have another. Just one. The back up. -Just one. The back up. Could I have it, please. -Could I have it, please. I can't get it out. It would take hours. -I can't get it out. It would take hours. That's alright. Just tear it apart. -That's alright. Just tear it apart. Tear it apart? -Tear it apart? Yes. -Yes. Ahhh...Okay?!!! -Mom...what are you doing here? Leaving, now go to sleep. ...all of you. -Right there. Thank you. -This the only spare? Yes. -Yes. The other working. -The other working. Perfectly. -Ow?... It'l be alright. -It'l be alright. It will. -It will. It doesn't hurt. -It doesn't hurt. No? -Screw the PEM...What about Al... Poor bastard. -What'd he say, how's he know about Al? What does he know? -What does he know? Too much. -Look, nobody knows we did it. Whoever took it does. -It'l take months. So we better get started. -So we better get started. What about Al... -Hi, honey. Hi, Daddy. -Hi, Daddy. What's new? -What's new? Ms. Laufer gave me a star today. -Ms. Laufer gave me a star today. Yeah? What for? -Yeah? What for? For reading. -That's great... Little early for cartoons, isn't it? Okay. -Sweetheart, c'mon. C'mon. She was playing with my Pooh doll again... -Here we go. Deep breaths, deep breaths. She was playing with the Pooh doll. -She was playing with the Pooh doll. "Pooh's dusty, sweetheart... he's dusty, and you breathed him in, okay? So what's -- what's happening to you now is... cells called mast cells told your lungs ""don't breathe any more of that dust in."" ...and the airways in your lungs are like branches. And when the branches close up, you get an asthmatic attack. And, we give you medicine, and you get better. Huh? Okay? You're better already, aren't you?" -I'll take some. Instant rice...? -Instant rice...? Can I go over to Janeane's house? -Hey, baby. What's wrong? What's that outside, Daddy? -What's that outside, Daddy? Did you see somebody or did you hear them? -Did you see somebody or did you hear them? I heard them. -I heard them. Where? -Where? In the backyard. -He's into kind of little cars, that... That remote control thing? -That remote control thing? Yeah. -Yeah. Alright, we'll do that tomorrow. -Alright, we'll do that tomorrow. Mom. -Mom. Yes, baby? -Yes, baby? There's Dad, on TV. -Let me tell you something, Lowell. Look, look, look. You're talking about two agents in a regional office in Louisville. I got the goddamn Unabomber threatening to blow up LAX! I gotta move 45 agents from all over the country into L.A. Alright? When I get a chance, I'll give it a look... You better take a good look! Because I'm getting two things: pissed off and curious! Now, any of these guys been offered jobs in corporate security after they retire? Either one of those guys have ex-agent pals already in those jobs? Like, for instance, their ex-supervisor, who's already at Brown & Williamson as we fucking speak? -"Just ran into two of your ""geologists."" Geologists whose hands aren't all chewed up...?" Lowell? -We'll give you a heads up before we launch. How long? -How long? Three hours. -Three hours. You got a deal. -Well, are you or are you not, Charlie? You bet we are. And I can't talk to you now. -You bet we are. And I can't talk to you now. We gotta hook up. -We gotta hook up. Sure. Where? -Sure. Where? P.J.'s. -P.J.'s. I'll be there. -When's your deadline? Monday. -Monday. Push it. -Push it. What? Forget it. -What? Forget it. It's a smear campaign, Charlie. -It's a smear campaign, Charlie. It's drawn from a selectively circulated... -It's drawn from a selectively circulated... Oh, it's real selective... about as hard to get a hold of as the Manhattan phone book. -Oh, it's real selective... about as hard to get a hold of as the Manhattan phone book. Well, it's authoritative and is overwhelmingly documented. -Well, it's authoritative and is overwhelmingly documented. And it's bullshit. And if I'm right, are you going to put the Journal's reputation behind a story that's going to blow up in your face? -And it's bullshit. And if I'm right, are you going to put the Journal's reputation behind a story that's going to blow up in your face? I'll take a look at what you got. But I'm not moving any deadlines 'cause you say so. -Are you all right? Yeah. Catch you later. -These are their leads, their sources. I want you to have your reporters... Suein Hwang and Milo Geyelin. -Suein Hwang and Milo Geyelin. Have them make their own calls. They'll find that these sources have a different story than the one that's in the dossier... Push the deadline, Charlie... -I want you to get legal onto CORPORATE CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENTS. Boundaries of their constraint. Kentucky state law about. I want you to drop everything. Okay. -What does that do? What do you mean, what's it do? -What do you mean, what's it do? What I mean is, like, how does it cut through the confidentiality agreement? -What I mean is, like, how does it cut through the confidentiality agreement? Because he has to reveal it in a court of law. It's on record, it's out. It's no secret anymore. So how can they restrain his speech or retaliate? It's out in the world... -Shit... Oh, we need cops on the street. We don't need them on horses. -Oh, we need cops on the street. We don't need them on horses. I don't know what he was thinking. -I don't know what he was thinking. Oh, for God's sake, what has this guy got, a horse fetish? -Oh, for God's sake, what has this guy got, a horse fetish? Alright, alright. -Alright, alright. Get me to New Orleans this afternoon. I'll shoot the fucking thing myself! -When's the air date? Excuse me, Lowell. Sharon's on line 3. -Excuse me, Lowell. Sharon's on line 3. Tell her I'll call her back in ten. -What was that about? Get me Wigand. -Get me Wigand. Sure. -Sure. ...fuck is this? Fuck! -I can't get out of here til mid- morning. I'll be in tomorrow night... Listen, could you call a number for me, it's in Mississippi... Okay. Hold on a second... What is it? -Yeah. Yeah, sure. I'll see if I can find him. Hold on... Yeah, Don's looking for you... Good. -Good. "The sub-heading is, ""Brown & Williamson Has a 500-Page Dossier Attacking Chief Critic."" It quotes Richard Scruggs calling it ""the worst kind of an organized smear campaign against a whistle-blower.""" -Can I go to dance tomorrow? I'm better... ...if you are, then I'll take Barbara to soccer and take you to dance after... -Do you want more rice? Maybe later. -Maybe later. How about you? -What are you cooking? I'm cooking pasta primavera. -I'm cooking pasta primavera. Oh, I love that stuff. -I heard Wigand's deposition got sealed. "Yeah, they argued he was going to reveal the secret formula of ""Kools"" to the world. ""Sealed"" doesn't hurt Scruggs' litigation, and since we're the only ones with the story, I believe we're sitting on an exclusive." -"""Tortious interference""? Sounds like a disease caught by a radio." Lunch? -"Since when has the paragon of investigative journalism allowed lawyers to determine the news content on ""60 Minutes""?" It's an alternate version. So what if we have an alternate version? And I don't think her being cautious is so damned unreasonable. -Yeah, I heard rumors. It's not a rumor. It's a sale. If Tisch can unload CBS for $81 a share to Westinghouse and then is suddenly threatened with a multibillion-dollar lawsuit from Brown & Williamson, that could screw up the sale, could it not? -Are you suggesting that she and Eric are influenced by money? Oh, no, of course they're not influenced by money. They work for free. And you are a Volunteer Executive Producer. -Oh, no, of course they're not influenced by money. They work for free. And you are a Volunteer Executive Producer. CBS does not do that. And, you're questioning our journalistic integrity?! -CBS does not do that. And, you're questioning our journalistic integrity?! "No, I'm questioning your hearing! You hear ""reasonable"" and ""tortious interference."" I hear... ""Potential Brown & Williamson lawsuit jeopardizing the sale of CBS to Westinghouse."" I hear... ""Shut the segment down. Cut Wigand loose. Obey orders. And fuck off...!"" That's what I hear." -"No, I'm questioning your hearing! You hear ""reasonable"" and ""tortious interference."" I hear... ""Potential Brown & Williamson lawsuit jeopardizing the sale of CBS to Westinghouse."" I hear... ""Shut the segment down. Cut Wigand loose. Obey orders. And fuck off...!"" That's what I hear." You're exaggerating! -You're exaggerating! I am? You pay me to go get guys like Wigand, to draw him out. To get him to trust us, to get him to go on television. I do. I deliver him. He sits. He talks. He violates his own fucking confidentiality agreement. And he's only the key witness in the biggest public health reform issue, maybe the biggest, most-expensive corporate-malfeasance case in U.S. history. And Jeffrey Wigand, who's out on a limb, does he go on television and tell the truth? Yes. Is it newsworthy? Yes. Are we gonna air it? Of course not. Why? Because he's not telling the truth? No. Because he is telling the truth. That's why we're not going to air it. And the more truth he tells, the worse it gets! -I am? You pay me to go get guys like Wigand, to draw him out. To get him to trust us, to get him to go on television. I do. I deliver him. He sits. He talks. He violates his own fucking confidentiality agreement. And he's only the key witness in the biggest public health reform issue, maybe the biggest, most-expensive corporate-malfeasance case in U.S. history. And Jeffrey Wigand, who's out on a limb, does he go on television and tell the truth? Yes. Is it newsworthy? Yes. Are we gonna air it? Of course not. Why? Because he's not telling the truth? No. Because he is telling the truth. That's why we're not going to air it. And the more truth he tells, the worse it gets! You are a fanatic. An anarchist. You know that? If we can't have a whole show, then I want half a show rather than no show. But oh, no, not you. You won't be satisfied unless you're putting the company at risk! -You are a fanatic. An anarchist. You know that? If we can't have a whole show, then I want half a show rather than no show. But oh, no, not you. You won't be satisfied unless you're putting the company at risk! C'mon, what are you? And are you a businessman? Or are you a newsman?! Because that happens to be what Mike and I do for a living... -So, what are you going to do? Well, what do you think I'm going to do? Quit in protest? I'm not going to do that. -Well, what do you think I'm going to do? Quit in protest? I'm not going to do that. "You're taking ""no"" for an answer?" -"You're taking ""no"" for an answer?" "No. I'm not going to take ""no"" for an answer. No." -"No. I'm not going to take ""no"" for an answer. No." Then what are you going to do? -I'm staying right here. Doing my job. Fighting to get my show on the air. You don't like it? Hey, I'll tell you what... fire my ass... End up in a high-profile lawsuit with Lowell, the First Amendment martyr? I don't think so. Take a look at this... This is a summary of a dossier that's being prepared. -What the hell are you doing? What does it look like I'm doing? I'm editing. -What does it look like I'm doing? I'm editing. No, not that. I'm talking about the Associated Press. They got this story that we pulled this interview and they talked to Mike and I. Did you tell them that we were lying? -No, not that. I'm talking about the Associated Press. They got this story that we pulled this interview and they talked to Mike and I. Did you tell them that we were lying? No. I should have. I told them I disagreed with you, Mike and Kluster that this segment is as good as the original. I'm not lying for you. I'm not gonna shut up for you. Not on any of it. -No. I should have. I told them I disagreed with you, Mike and Kluster that this segment is as good as the original. I'm not lying for you. I'm not gonna shut up for you. Not on any of it. Hey! I'm not going to fire you, okay? Take a vacation. Now! -The New York Times ran a blow by blow of what we talked about behind closed doors! You fucked us! No, you fucked you! Don't invert stuff! Big Tobacco tried to smear Wigand; you bought it. The Wall Street Journal, here, not exactly a bastion of anti-capitalist sentiment, refutes Big Tobacco's smear campaign as the lowest form of character assassination! And now, even now, when every word of what Wigand has said on our show is printed, the entire deposition of his testimony in a court of law in the State of Mississippi, the cat totally out of the bag, you're still standing here debating! Don, what the hell else... do you need? -There has been so much soul searching about this Wigand, I've decided we should cut an alternate version of the show without his interview. So, what happened to Ms. Caperelli's checking with outside counsel first, all that crap? -So, what happened to Ms. Caperelli's checking with outside counsel first, all that crap? That's happening. And, hopefully we won't have to use the alternate, but we should have it in the can. -That's happening. And, hopefully we won't have to use the alternate, but we should have it in the can. I'm not touching my film... -I'm not touching my film... I'm afraid you are. -I'm afraid you are. No, I'm not... -No, I'm not... We're doing this with or without you, Lowell. If you like, I can assign another producer to edit your show... -So, now, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, Mr. Rather's been complaining about his chair again. As they start to leave... Before you go... -And what are you implying? "I'm not implying. I'm quoting. More vested interests... ""Persons Who Will Profit From This Merger... Ms. Helen Caperelli, General Counsel of CBS News, 3.9 million. Mr. Eric Kluster, President of CBS News, 1.4 million...""" -Did you handle the round, Mr. Wigand? Yes, I'm afraid I did. -A gun? Yes. What caliber is your gun? -What caliber is your gun? What caliber is my gun? -What caliber is my gun? Yes, sir. What caliber is your gun? -Yes, sir. What caliber is your gun? What does that have to do with the price of tea in China? -You think I put that bullet in the mailbox myself...? If we could take a look, Mr. Wigand... -That bullet was for a .38 caliber. Do you own a .38? Yes, I do. A .38 Target Master. In my gun safe downstairs. A .45 Gold Cup. A .22 target pistol. So what? -Yes, I do. A .38 Target Master. In my gun safe downstairs. A .45 Gold Cup. A .22 target pistol. So what? Do you have a history of emotional problems, Mr. Wigand? -Do you have a history of emotional problems, Mr. Wigand? Yes. Yes, I do. Yes, I get extremely emotional when assholes put bullets in my mailbox...! -You can't take that... It's personal property...! We have a search warrant, Mr. Wigand. There's been a death threat. -We have a search warrant, Mr. Wigand. There's been a death threat. ...my files! Personal correspondence... -That computer has everything... You alright, Mr. Wigand? -Debbie... Hey, Lowell. -Oh, Bill... Main Justice is investigating a major New York bank. Laundering narco dollars out of their Mexico City branch. You want it for the Evening News? What about you, you got a crew already? -What about you, you got a crew already? I'm gonna do a follow-up. -I'm gonna do a follow-up. Okay. -Okay. Catch ya' later. -Shall I send for coffee? Sorry I'm late. No, no, we're fine... -No, no, we're fine... Are you sure? -If this holds up, and it very well may not, Mike... but, if it did. And we aired this segment? And CBS was sued by Brown & Williamson? I think we could be at grave risk. How grave? -How grave? Well, at the end of the day... because of your segment... the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company... could own CBS. -Mike... Mike... Mike... """Mike?""" -"What does that mean? ""Rife with -- ?""" I'm told unusual promises were made to Wigand. -I'm told unusual promises were made to Wigand. No, only that we would hold the story until it was safe for him... -No, only that we would hold the story until it was safe for him... "And, I'm told there are questions as to our ""star witness'"" veracity." -"And, I'm told there are questions as to our ""star witness'"" veracity." "His ""veracity"" was good enough for the State of Mississippi." -"His ""veracity"" was good enough for the State of Mississippi." Our standards have to be higher than anyone else's, because we are the standard... for everyone else... -"Well, as a ""standard""... I'll hang with ""is the guy telling the truth?""" Well, with tortious interference, I'm afraid... the greater the truth, the greater the damage. -Well, with tortious interference, I'm afraid... the greater the truth, the greater the damage. Come again? -Come again? They own the information he's disclosing. The truer it is, the greater the damage to them. If he lied, he didn't disclose their information. And the damages are smaller. -They own the information he's disclosing. The truer it is, the greater the damage to them. If he lied, he didn't disclose their information. And the damages are smaller. "Is this ""Alice in Wonderland""?" -Is CBS corporate telling CBS News do not go to air with this story? You're getting ahead of yourself. We're all in this together. We're all CBS. We'll find out soon. Thank you, gentlemen. -Hey, Lowell. How are you, Jim? -How are you, Jim? Hey, listen, I hear you guys are sitting on something sensational over there. -Hi, baby. Catch you later. -How prominent? What kind of placement? Oh, c'mon, Lowell. This is The New York Times. I don't know... -Oh, c'mon, Lowell. This is The New York Times. I don't know... Well, until you do, all I can tell you is what you already know... they will not air an interview. -Well, until you do, all I can tell you is what you already know... they will not air an interview. Call me back in ten. -Hello? Jim, it's Lowell. -Here's how it works. You ask me questions. I tell you if you're wrong. Okay. Lowell? -Okay. Lowell? Yeah? -Yeah? You're sure you want to do this? -You're sure you want to do this? Why? -Why? Hey, it doesn't work? You've burned your bridges, man. -Hey, it doesn't work? You've burned your bridges, man. You ready...? -You ready...? Okay... About this whistle-blower... Did Mike and Don go along with the corporate decision? -Lowell? Did I tell you you were wrong? -Did I tell you you were wrong? No. I'm assuming the cave-in begins with the threat of litigation from Big Tobacco. Are we talking... are we talking Brown & Williamson, here? -I can take her. Don't you have to be at the office? -Don't you have to be at the office? Is there any more rice...? -Is there any more rice...? Yes, it's on the stove... -I'm sorry, darling, have you seen my coffee mug...? Try the car. -Uh, what are those boxes? I'm going to the store. You need anything? -I'm going to the store. You need anything? What do you need at the store? -What do you need at the store? Soy sauce... -Soy sauce... Right now? -Right now? That's my stuff from the office... -That's my stuff from the office... Why did you take your stuff from the office? -Why did you take your stuff from the office? I didn't want to leave it there... -I didn't want to leave it there... I don't understand. -I don't understand. I got fired this morning... Where else am I gonna take it? -I got fired this morning... Where else am I gonna take it? Why? Who said? -Why? Who said? Thomas Sandefur... -Thomas Sandefur... What are we supposed to do...? What about our medical coverage; what about our health? What about our car payments? The payments on this house? -There's a severance agreement... It includes cash payouts over time and continuing medical coverage... Sure you don't need anything? No, thank you. -What's going on? "I told him that you had an E-mail death threat that said if you didn't shut the ""F"" up, they were going to kill you..." -...taping? What are you taping? I'm doing an interview. -I'm doing an interview. An interview! Do you know what they will do to us...! I thought... Sorry. -Please don't wash your hands in the sink. Where should I wash them? -Where should I wash them? Use the bathroom. -Use the bathroom. What's the difference... -What's the difference... That's for food. -I don't think I can do this... I want to stand by my husband... I really do, Jeffrey. But I don't think I can do this anymore. I am so sorry... Can we talk about this when I get back? -Can we talk about this when I get back? Yes... Jeffrey. -Thank you, Bob. Who's calling? -Who's calling? My name's Lowell Bergman... I'm -- -My name's Lowell Bergman... I'm -- Did you say Berman? -Did you say Berman? "No, Bergman... B.E.R.G.M.A.N.... I'm a producer with ""60 Minutes""..." -"No, Bergman... B.E.R.G.M.A.N.... I'm a producer with ""60 Minutes""..." """60 Minutes""?" -"""60 Minutes""?" Yeah. -Yeah. """60 Minutes,"" the television show?" -"""60 Minutes,"" the television show?" Yes. -"Oh, someone took a poll? ""Are all things Canadian boring...?""" It's Stuart... he's in Mexico City... -It's Stuart... he's in Mexico City... Let me call you back... -No classes this morning? Will he go on-camera and talk about the Mexico City branch? -Will independent sources corroborate that? Hello? Yeah... -Let me see this... No, 'cause I gotta know where you're going at all times. I can't... I've got to fly to Boston tomorrow. -Two p.m. Great. Bye-bye. "...""ignition propensity?"" ...you understand any of this...?" -...no... this looks like a table of temperatures... Who's this from? "...it's anonymous. References to ""P.M."" It's got to be Philip Morris, huh?" -"...it's anonymous. References to ""P.M."" It's got to be Philip Morris, huh?" I have to take a shower. -What's wrong? They're killing the Wigand interview... -They're killing the Wigand interview... What?! -What?! They're pretending it's process. Bullshit, it's foregone. -They're pretending it's process. Bullshit, it's foregone. What are you and Mike going to do? -What are you and Mike going to do? I'm alone on this... -I'm alone on this... Oh, baby... -Jeffrey Wigand... Jeffrey... -"""I'm Lowell Bergman, I'm from '60 Minutes.'"" You know, you take the ""60 Minutes"" out of that sentence, nobody returns your phone call. Maybe Wigand's right. Maybe I'm hooked. What am I hooked on? The rush? ""60 Minutes""? What the hell for? Infotainment. It's so fucking useless, all of it." So, it's a big country with a free press. You can go work somewhere else. -So, it's a big country with a free press. You can go work somewhere else. Free press? Press is free... for anyone who owns one. Larry Tisch has a free press. -Free press? Press is free... for anyone who owns one. Larry Tisch has a free press. Get some perspective, Lowell. -Get some perspective, Lowell. I got perspective. -I got perspective. No, you do not. -No, you do not. From my perspective, what's been going on and what I've been doing is ridiculous. It's half-measures. -From my perspective, what's been going on and what I've been doing is ridiculous. It's half-measures. You're not listening. Really know what you're going to do before you do it. -Yeah... ...you fucked me! -...you fucked me! Who is this? -Is it too late? No. No, it's okay... How's -- how's the new place? -Oh, my God. You're not even on this anymore... What do you care? -You're not even on this anymore... What do you care? Jeff! Wake the fuck up! Everybody is on the line here. If they can catch you in a lie, they can paint everything with that brush. Do you understand? Everything you say! -Yes, I'm right here. Could you call me back on a hard line? Alright. -Alright. Area code 212-555-0199. -Area code 212-555-0199. I'll call you then. -...you filed a lawsuit against tobacco on behalf of the State of Mississippi, did you not? That's right... -That's right... Well, I'm working with someone, now, who was the former head of research at Brown & Williamson, a former corporate officer there. -Well, I'm working with someone, now, who was the former head of research at Brown & Williamson, a former corporate officer there. What's your interest in this, Mr. Bergman? -What's your interest in this, Mr. Bergman? Well, he may tape an interview with us. And, we believe if his testimony showed up in a court record first, it would free him up from his confidentiality agreement and give him some protection. -Has he decided to go public? Because let me tell you, we've been doing this for three years now, and we've worked with a lot of corporate cases involving whistle-blowers, so we know... Big Tobacco will do everything in their power to stop him. So, is your man truly committed? Well, actually, no. Well, he's on the fence. That's the point. -Well, we'd certainly be interested in making his acquaintance, but without knowing what he's going to do... Well, would you want him to call you? Or, you want to call him? How do you want to do it? -Well, would you want him to call you? Or, you want to call him? How do you want to do it? It would be better if he called us. -It would be better if he called us. Yeah. -Yeah. Alright? -Alright? Okay. Thank you. -Yeah, I'm here. What chance is there of getting Jeff's interview on the air...? -...I'd be lying to you if I did not tell you how important it was in the court of public opinion... ...and I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you, I'm about out of moves, Dick... -...and I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you, I'm about out of moves, Dick... All right. See you... -We're there. Good, well ask him if Arabic is his second language. -Good, well ask him if Arabic is his second language. Don't interpret that! Hold it. Hold it. Hold it! Slow, slow!! Sheikh, do you mind... if you would just turn your chair a little bit to face Mr. Wallace? -...come in earlier on Mike's Marine barracks line when he's talking to Sheikh Mussawi... You eating with us? -You eating with us? Yeah. -Yeah. Bring a tie so they'll let us in the front door... -He referred to this... the Seven Dwarfs... "What ""Seven Dwarfs?""" -"What ""Seven Dwarfs?""" The seven CEOs of Big Tobacco... Referred to this... Said they should be afraid of him... I assume, afraid of what he could reveal. Now, you tell me. What does this guy have to say that threatens these people? -"Well, it isn't ""cigarettes are bad for you""..." Hardly new news. -Hardly new news. No shit. -No shit. What's this? -Okay, let's look through the looking glass the other way... What do you mean? -What do you mean? "We got a guy... who wants to talk but he's constrained. What if he were ""compelled""?" -"We got a guy... who wants to talk but he's constrained. What if he were ""compelled""?" Oh, torture? Great ratings. -So, is everything okay? How are the rooms? Comfortable? -Thank you for saying that... Do you think we could talk about the taping? Tomorrow's taping, just so we can get it out of the way and order... -Do you think we could talk about the taping? Tomorrow's taping, just so we can get it out of the way and order... Yeah, well, questions will go toward what work you did there, why you were fired. And others will deal... -Oh, man. Who are these people? -Who are these people? Ordinary people! Under extraordinary pressure, Mike. What the hell do you expect? Grace and consistency? -It went great in Mississippi, Mike. Good. -I think what we're trying to tell you is that it happens all the time. This is a news organization. People are always telling us things they shouldn't. We have to verify if it's true and in the public interest... And if it is, we air it. After we corroborate it. That's why we've never lost a lawsuit and run a classy show. Anything else? -I discovered this. SEC filing... For the sale of the CBS Corporation to Westinghouse Corporation. What? -Lowell. """Put the corporation at risk""...? Give me a fucking break!" -"""Put the corporation at risk""...? Give me a fucking break!" Lowell. -Lowell. These people are putting our whole reason for doing what we do... on the line! -These people are putting our whole reason for doing what we do... on the line! Lowell! -Lowell! What? -What? I'm with Don on this. -I've been banished. In lieu of being fired. I took off on Tisch. I took off on corporate. They'll know they're not going to see everything on Sunday night... -I took off on Tisch. I took off on corporate. They'll know they're not going to see everything on Sunday night... I don't know. How does that get Wigand on the air? -I don't know. How does that get Wigand on the air? "Do me a favor, will you? Spare me, for God's sake. Get in the real world. What do you think? I'm going to resign in protest? To force it on the air? The answer is ""no."" I don't plan to spend the end of my days wandering in the wilderness of National Public Radio. That decision I've already made." -Yeah. You disappeared on me. How long you staying? -You disappeared on me. How long you staying? I disappeared on you? -I disappeared on you? Alright. What did you think? -Alright. What did you think? I think it was a disgrace. -Did I get you up? No, I usually sit around in my hotel room, dressed like this at 5:30 in the morning, sleepy look on my face. -How many shows have we done? Huh? C'mon, how many? Oh, lots. -Oh, lots. Yeah, that's right. -Yeah, that's right. But in all that time, Mike, did you ever get off a plane, walk into a room, and find that a source for a story changed his mind? Lost his heart? Walked out on us? Not one fucking time! You want to know why? -But in all that time, Mike, did you ever get off a plane, walk into a room, and find that a source for a story changed his mind? Lost his heart? Walked out on us? Not one fucking time! You want to know why? I see a rhetorical question on the horizon. -I see a rhetorical question on the horizon. I'm going to tell you why. Because when I tell someone I'm going to do something, I deliver. -I'm going to tell you why. Because when I tell someone I'm going to do something, I deliver. Oh, how fortunate I am to have Lowell Bergman's moral tutelage to point me down the shining path. To show me the way. -Oh, how fortunate I am to have Lowell Bergman's moral tutelage to point me down the shining path. To show me the way. Oh, please, Mike... -Oh, please, Mike... Give me a break! -Give me a break! No, you give me a break! I never left a source hung out to dry, ever. Abandoned. Not 'til right fucking now! When I came on this job, I came with my word intact. I'm gonna leave with my word intact. Fuck the rules of the game! Hell, you're supposed to know me, Mike. What the hell did you expect? You expect me to lie down? Back off? What, get over it? -No, you give me a break! I never left a source hung out to dry, ever. Abandoned. Not 'til right fucking now! When I came on this job, I came with my word intact. I'm gonna leave with my word intact. Fuck the rules of the game! Hell, you're supposed to know me, Mike. What the hell did you expect? You expect me to lie down? Back off? What, get over it? In the real world, when you get to where I am, there are other considerations... -In the real world, when you get to where I am, there are other considerations... Like what? Corporate responsibility? What, are we talking celebrity here? -Like what? Corporate responsibility? What, are we talking celebrity here? "I'm not talking celebrity, vanity, CBS. I'm talking about when you're nearer the end of your life than the beginning. Now, what do you think you think about then? The future? ""In the future I'm going to do this? Become that?"" What ""future""? No. What you think is: how will I be regarded in the end? After I'm gone." -Mike... in my... You and I have been doing this together for fourteen years. -That Canada story? Still interest you? Everything interests me. -C'mon, it all worked out. You came out okay in the end... I did? What do I tell a source on the next tough story? Hang in with us. You'll be fine... maybe? -Coffee? Yeah... Thank you. -Yeah... Thank you. How have you liked your stay? -How have you liked your stay? What I've seen... I've liked. -Please to explain, why I should agree to interview... with pro-Zionist American media? Because I think Hezbollah is trying to broaden into a political party right now. So you care about what you're thought of in America. And in America, at this moment in time, Hezbollah does not have a face. That's why. -Perhaps you prove journalism objectivity and I see the questions first. Then I decide if I grant the interview. "No. We don't do that. You've seen ""60 Minutes"" and Mike Wallace. So you know our reputation for integrity and objectivity. You also know we are the highest-rated, most-respected, TV-magazine news show in America." -Tell him I will see him day after tomorrow. That's good. That works. Uh, you know, I want to ask you something... I know it sounds odd... but... -Who's that? That's room service. They usually knock first. Come on in... Over here, please. -How do you like your coffee? Black? Black, black... -Look, I really don't have that much time... Is there anything you want to know about me, Mr. Wigand...? -Is there anything you want to know about me, Mr. Wigand...? Like what? Your sign? -I know what I have to know. Just so I know you know, when I talk to people in confidence, it stays that way. -Just so I know you know, when I talk to people in confidence, it stays that way. How did a radical journalist from Ramparts Magazine end up at CBS? -...but that's as far as I go... Far as you go where? -Far as you go where? This issue is a drop in the bucket. I can talk to you about what's in here. But I can't talk to you about anything else. -Doesn't CBS have confidentiality agreements, Mr. Bergman? Between journalists and management, yes, I believe they do... but I don't take that seriously. Where do you work? -Between journalists and management, yes, I believe they do... but I don't take that seriously. Where do you work? Did work. -Did work. Did work. -Did work. How much would I get paid? -How much would I get paid? That, you have to discuss with CBS Business Affairs. But, for something like this, I would say anywhere between 10, 12 thousand. -Should I just take the documents now? If you want to do it. -...protect your sources...! You screwed me! You sold me out! What are you talking about? Where are you? -What are you talking about? Where are you? Fuck you, too! -Mrs. Wigand, how do you do? Jump in, quick, c'mon... -Jump in, quick, c'mon... I'm Lowell Bergman. We spoke on the phone, remember? -C'mere. I want to talk to you. Good. I want to talk to you. -What do... I did not burn you. I did not give you up to anyone! -I did not burn you. I did not give you up to anyone! This is my house... In front of my wife, my kids?! What business do we have? -This is my house... In front of my wife, my kids?! What business do we have? To straighten something out with you. Right here. Right now. -To straighten something out with you. Right here. Right now. So, you didn't mention my name? You haven't talked to anybody about me? -So, you didn't mention my name? You haven't talked to anybody about me? Why am I gonna mention your name? -Why am I gonna mention your name? How did Brown & Williamson know I spoke to you...? -How did Brown & Williamson know I spoke to you...? How the hell do I know about Brown & Williamson? -How the hell do I know about Brown & Williamson? It happened after I talked to you. I do not like coincidences! -It happened after I talked to you. I do not like coincidences! And I don't like paranoid accusations! I'm a journalist. Think. Use your head. How do I operate as a journalist by screwing the people who could provide me with information before they provided me with it? -And I don't like paranoid accusations! I'm a journalist. Think. Use your head. How do I operate as a journalist by screwing the people who could provide me with information before they provided me with it? You came all the way down here to tell me that? -You came all the way down here to tell me that? No. I did not. Big Tobacco is a big story. And you got something important to say. I can tell. But, yes. I did. I came all the way down here to tell you: story, no story, fuck your story, I don't burn people. -And, I'm unemployed. So I have to protect my medical coverage. ...so I left them a message this morning. Their expanded confidentiality agreement? I will sign it. They're afraid of you, aren't they? -They're afraid of you, aren't they? They should be. -Talk to me outside the zone of your agreement? Like what? -Like what? Like where'd you work before Brown & Williamson? -Like where'd you work before Brown & Williamson? "Johnson & Johnson. Union Carbide in Japan. I was general manager and director of new products. I speak Japanese. I was a director of corporate development at Pfizer. All health-related. What else? Outside the ""zone""...?" -"Johnson & Johnson. Union Carbide in Japan. I was general manager and director of new products. I speak Japanese. I was a director of corporate development at Pfizer. All health-related. What else? Outside the ""zone""...?" I don't know... you think the Knicks are gonna make it through the semi- finals? -Seven dwarfs? The seven CEOs of Big Tobacco... they got up in front of Congress that time... it was on television... -The seven CEOs of Big Tobacco... they got up in front of Congress that time... it was on television... ...and swore under oath that they know nothing about addiction, disease... -...and swore under oath that they know nothing about addiction, disease... It was on C-SPAN. Yeah. -It was on C-SPAN. Yeah. "Okay, so, here you are... you go to work for tobacco. You come from corporate cultures where research, really, creative thinking, these are core values. You go to tobacco... Tobacco is a sales culture. Market and sell enormous volume. Go to a lot of golf tournaments. The hell with everything else. What are you doing? Why are you working for ""tobacco"" in the first place?" -"Okay, so, here you are... you go to work for tobacco. You come from corporate cultures where research, really, creative thinking, these are core values. You go to tobacco... Tobacco is a sales culture. Market and sell enormous volume. Go to a lot of golf tournaments. The hell with everything else. What are you doing? Why are you working for ""tobacco"" in the first place?" I can't talk about it. The work I was supposed to do... might have had some positive effect. I don't know... it could have been beneficial. Mostly, I got paid a lot. I took the money. My wife was happy. My kids had good medical. Good schools. Got a great house. I mean, what the hell is wrong with that...? -I've always thought of myself... as a man of science. That's what's wrong with it. Then... you're in a state of conflict, Jeff. -The new place? New. You okay? -You know, I was thinking of calling you tomorrow, anyway. How are your kids handling the new house? Good. You have kids? -No, you said you were going to call me tomorrow. So, what about? Oh, yes, yes, yes, I did... I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to hook up and talk to you. About what we were talking about in your car. -Oh, yes, yes, yes, I did... I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to hook up and talk to you. About what we were talking about in your car. ...okay. -...okay. Makes you feel good? Putting what you know to use? -How'd you know that, Lowell? It's obvious, isn't it? -Hello. You there Yeah... Look, thanks for talking. I'm sorry I woke you up. -Yeah... Look, thanks for talking. I'm sorry I woke you up. It's okay. -What did you get us? Tempura... -The internet said you did graduate work in Wisconsin, then went to UC La Jolla with Professor... Marcus? Marcuse. Yeah. He was my mentor. He had a major influence on the New Left in the late '60s... and on me, personally. -Marcuse. Yeah. He was my mentor. He had a major influence on the New Left in the late '60s... and on me, personally. Next to your father? -Next to your father? My father? What the hell's that got to do with my father? -My father? What the hell's that got to do with my father? Is that why you became a journalist? Then you get to ask all the questions? -Is that why you became a journalist? Then you get to ask all the questions? You charge by the hour? -You charge by the hour? My father was a mechanical engineer... most ingenious man I ever knew. -My father was a mechanical engineer... most ingenious man I ever knew. "Well, my father left us when I was five-years old. He was not the most ingenious man I ever knew... Let's get back to Brown & Williamson. If you decide to go on ""60 Minutes,"" I got to know everything about why you got fired." -"Well, my father left us when I was five-years old. He was not the most ingenious man I ever knew... Let's get back to Brown & Williamson. If you decide to go on ""60 Minutes,"" I got to know everything about why you got fired." Why? -Why? They're gonna dig up stuff from your past, they're gonna throw it at you. I got to know what they're gonna throw. You understand? -They're gonna dig up stuff from your past, they're gonna throw it at you. I got to know what they're gonna throw. You understand? I drink. A couple of occasions more than I should have. I was cited for shoplifting once. But it was a mistake... I pushed Liane one time. We were both stressed out because of the pressure. She went to her mother's. I got fired because when I get angry I have difficulty censoring myself. And I don't like to be pushed around! -I drink. A couple of occasions more than I should have. I was cited for shoplifting once. But it was a mistake... I pushed Liane one time. We were both stressed out because of the pressure. She went to her mother's. I got fired because when I get angry I have difficulty censoring myself. And I don't like to be pushed around! I'm not pushing you around! I'm asking you questions. -I'm not pushing you around! I'm asking you questions. I'm just a commodity to you, aren't I? I could be anything. Right? Anything worth putting on between commercials... -I'm just a commodity to you, aren't I? I could be anything. Right? Anything worth putting on between commercials... ...to a network, probably, we're all commodities. To me? You are not a commodity. What you are is important. -You believe that? No. -No. You should. Because when you're done, a judgment is going to go down in the court of public opinion, my friend. And that's the power you have. -You should. Because when you're done, a judgment is going to go down in the court of public opinion, my friend. And that's the power you have. You believe that? -You believe that? I believe that? Yes, I believe that. -I believe that? Yes, I believe that. You believe that because you get information out to people... something happens? -You believe that because you get information out to people... something happens? Yes. -Yes. Maybe that's just what you've been telling yourself all these years to justify having a good job? Having status? And maybe for the audience, it's just voyeurism? Something to do on a Sunday night. And maybe it won't change a fucking thing. And people like myself and my family are left hung out to dry. Used up! Broke, alone! -Maybe that's just what you've been telling yourself all these years to justify having a good job? Having status? And maybe for the audience, it's just voyeurism? Something to do on a Sunday night. And maybe it won't change a fucking thing. And people like myself and my family are left hung out to dry. Used up! Broke, alone! Are you talking to me or did somebody else just walk in here?! I never abandoned a source! -Are you talking to me or did somebody else just walk in here?! I never abandoned a source! I don't think you really understand -- -I don't think you really understand -- "No, don't evade a choice you gotta make be questioning my reputation or ""60 Minutes'"" with this cheap skepticism!" -"No, don't evade a choice you gotta make be questioning my reputation or ""60 Minutes'"" with this cheap skepticism!" I have to put my family's welfare on the line here, my friend! And what are you puttin' up? You're puttin' up words! -I have to put my family's welfare on the line here, my friend! And what are you puttin' up? You're puttin' up words! Words! While you've been dickin' around at fucking company golf tournaments, I been out in the world, giving my word and backing it up with action. -Excuse me. Yeah... They're terrorizing us. Death threats?! To my family? My kids?! -Jeff, call the FBI right away... They do this with impunity! -They do this with impunity! Jeff... -Jeff... They get to go home at night. What does it cost these people to do this to us? Nothing?! My girls are crying, so fuck them! I want to tape! I'm done thinking about it. -Good. But Jeff... I'll call them, Lowell. -Liane, this is a preliminary... You didn't tell her we were taping? What did she think she was coming to New York for? ...to talk about it. To think about it. I had a plan to ease her into it. But, I really -- I didn't know how to do that... -Lowell, I can't afford -- "...they ""volunteered."" A friend owns a large security company." -I called Richard Scruggs in Mississippi... I heard. -I heard. I'm going to be a witness for them in their litigation. So I'm going to fly to Pascagoula to give a deposition... -I'm going to be a witness for them in their litigation. So I'm going to fly to Pascagoula to give a deposition... I know. I'm going to go there tonight... -I know. I'm going to go there tonight... Did you have a good day? -You attract a crowd. Yeah, great. -Yeah, great. I heard about the Kentucky gag order... -I heard about the Kentucky gag order... I don't know what to do. -What's changed? You mean... since this morning? -You mean... since this morning? No. I mean since whenever... -"""Part of the reason I'm here is I felt that their representation clearly, at least within...""" "Run that Sandefur piece on ""nicotine's not addictive."" Run that on-camera. Then cut right to Wigand with ""I believe they perjured..."" Then go wide to the CEOs all taking the oath. Back on Jeff and play the pause after the word ""felt"" on the B-side..." -I don't know how to say this, Jeff, except to just say it right out, so I'll say it. They do not want to air it. What?! -What?! B & W may have threatened litigation... CBS is on the block... But you, I mean, I know how... -B & W may have threatened litigation... CBS is on the block... But you, I mean, I know how... No. -No. No? No, what? -No? No, what? "I do not think that you ""know"" for me... what it is to walk in my shoes... ...for my kids to have seen it... for them to know why I've put them through what I did... the public airing of that... the testament to why I did what I did... you're telling me is not going to see the light of day." -Oh, you know what we do or do not need to know? Since when have you become a media expert? What do you want to do, Lowell, look up my ass, too...! -I told the truth! Everything... you... say! And I can't defend you, man, with one hand tied behind my back! Because you keep from me... what they can discover. And they will discover everything! Believe me. -...I was young. I was young... confused... We didn't handle it the right way... She sued you for back payments of child support? -She sued you for back payments of child support? She did not sue me. We had a dispute over money... I settled it, she dropped the complaint... Any other questions? -Yes. Did you lie about being on the American Judo Team in the Olympics? What? -What? Some public relations guy got a hold of a tape of an interview... where you're saying you were on the American Judo Team in the Olympics...? -Some public relations guy got a hold of a tape of an interview... where you're saying you were on the American Judo Team in the Olympics...? What kind of shit is this? I was not on the team, I sparred with the Olympic Team... okay? -Alright... the ABC Telemarketing Company? ABC...? -ABC...? ABC Telemarketing Company. -ABC Telemarketing Company. A can opener! A $39.95 can opener. I canceled payment... It was junk. You ever bounce a check, Lowell? You ever look at another woman's tits? You ever cheat a little on your taxes? Whose life, if you look at it under a microscope, doesn't have any flaws...? -That's the whole point, Jeffrey. That's the whole point. Anyone's. Everyone's. They are gonna look under every rock, dig up every flaw, every mistake you've ever made. They are going to distort and exaggerate everything you've ever done, man. Don't you understand? What does this have to do with my testimony? -What does this have to do with my testimony? That's not the point. -That's not the point. What does this have to do with my testimony?! I told the truth! It's valid and true and provable! -What does this have to do with my testimony?! I told the truth! It's valid and true and provable! That's not the fucking point, whether you told the truth or not! Hello...? -That's not the fucking point, whether you told the truth or not! Hello...? I told the truth... I told the truth. -I've got to teach class. I've got to go. I've got to teach class. And I've got to refute every fucking accusation made in this report before The Wall Street Journal runs. I am trying to protect you, man! -You manipulated me into this...! That's bullshit, Jeff! -That's bullshit, Jeff! You greased the rails! -You greased the rails! I greased the rails for a guy who wanted to say yes. I helped him to say yes. Alright. You're not a robot, Jeff! That's all. You got a mind of your own, don't you? -I greased the rails for a guy who wanted to say yes. I helped him to say yes. Alright. You're not a robot, Jeff! That's all. You got a mind of your own, don't you? """Up to you, Jeffrey. That's the power you have, Jeffrey. Vital insider information the American public need to know."" Lowell Bergman, the hot show who never met a source he couldn't turn around." -"""Up to you, Jeffrey. That's the power you have, Jeffrey. Vital insider information the American public need to know."" Lowell Bergman, the hot show who never met a source he couldn't turn around." I fought for you... and I still fight for you. -I fought for you... and I still fight for you. You fought for me...?! ...you manipulated me... into where I am now... staring at the Brown & Williamson Building. It's all dark. Except the 10th floor! That's the legal department. That's where they fuck with my life! -You fought for me...?! ...you manipulated me... into where I am now... staring at the Brown & Williamson Building. It's all dark. Except the 10th floor! That's the legal department. That's where they fuck with my life! Jeffrey, where you going with this? So where you goin'? You are important to a lot of people, Jeffrey. You think about that. You think about them. -Where are you, anyway? I'm on a leave of absence. Forced vacation. -I'm on a leave of absence. Forced vacation. You try and have a good time. -You try and have a good time. Yeah. Yeah, I will. -I think I need to call the police. He won't respond... No, no. Don't call the police! Just tell him I'm on the phone with you... My name is Lowell Bergman... Just tell him that. -Did he hear you? You're breaking up. I can't hear you. -What about now? What? -What? Hello, can you hear me now? -What's happening?! He doesn't seem to be listening... -He doesn't seem to be listening... Alright, now listen to me. I want you -- I want you to tell him, in these words: get on the fucking phone...! -Alright, now listen to me. I want you -- I want you to tell him, in these words: get on the fucking phone...! I can't say that! -I can't say that! No, you can. Tell him to get on the fucking phone! -Just give me an example... For example. James Burke, the CEO of Johnson & Johnson... when he found out that some lunatic had put poison in Tylenol bottles, he didn't argue with the FDA... He didn't even wait for the FDA to tell him. He just pulled Tylenol off every shelf of every store right across America. Instantly. And then he developed the safety cap... Because, look, as a CEO, sure, he's gotta be a great businessman, right? But he's also a man of science. He's not going to allow his company... to put on the shelf... a product that might hurt people. Not like the Seven Dwarfs... -We have a couple. One's hers, one's mine. Everybody uses a different name. Modern marriage. How's Liane? She's okay. -Hold on a minute, Lowell... ...somebody... may be following me. I don't know. They came on the property... What do you mean followed you? Did you call the police? -What do you mean followed you? Did you call the police? I don't want to be paranoid... I mean, maybe it's a game. Some kind of mind game. -I don't want to be paranoid... I mean, maybe it's a game. Some kind of mind game. Well, what do you really think, though? -Well, what do you really think, though? I don't know what the fuck I really think! Are they doing it? Is some crank doing it? Are they doing it to make me feel paranoid? Are they doing it for real and don't give a shit what I think? I don't know! I don't fucking know. -Well, no, look... I mean, there was a footprint. Forget it. It's probably not important at all. You know, I got a job now. I'm teaching high school. Japanese and Chemistry. So, what were you calling about? You called me. -What are you talking about? Someone put a bullet in my mailbox. -I heard you. But I got to arrange a legal defense first. I got to get you to testify in court, get it on public record. Then hold it off the air until you got that. But I want to go to New York. And I want to go on the record. Right now! -Jeffrey, how are you? How's the family, okay? There is -- there is no family. -There is -- there is no family. What do you mean there is no family? -What do you mean there is no family? Liane has filed for divorce... -And, so, I moved out... I see the girls a couple of days a week... Where you staying now? -Where you staying now? Our favorite hotel, honey... I checked into Room 930. Odd choice? Huh? -Jeff Wigand, Michael Moore. Good to meet you, Dr. Wigand. -Good to meet you, Dr. Wigand. Mike's our Attorney General down here. I was just explaining to Jeff, they got a Kentucky court to issue a gag order to stop his deposition today. -Mike's our Attorney General down here. I was just explaining to Jeff, they got a Kentucky court to issue a gag order to stop his deposition today. Right. -Right. Now, they tried to get the Mississippi Court to honor it, but the judge threw it out... However, for you, there is a more perilous effect to the Kentucky gag order... -Now, they tried to get the Mississippi Court to honor it, but the judge threw it out... However, for you, there is a more perilous effect to the Kentucky gag order... Dr. Wigand, you do understand what could happen, don't you? -You heard Mr. Sandefur say before Congress that he believed nicotine was not addictive...? ...I believe Mr. Sandefur perjured himself because I watched those testimonies very carefully. -All of us did. There was this whole line of people... whole line of CEOs up there all swearing. Part of the reason I'm here is I felt that their representation clearly misstated, at least within Brown & Williamson's representation, clearly misstated... what is common language within the company... we are in the nicotine delivery business. -Part of the reason I'm here is I felt that their representation clearly misstated, at least within Brown & Williamson's representation, clearly misstated... what is common language within the company... we are in the nicotine delivery business. And that's what cigarettes are for...? -And that's what cigarettes are for...? A delivery device for nicotine. -A delivery device for nicotine. A delivery device for nicotine. Put it in your mouth, light it up, and you're gonna get your fix... -A delivery device for nicotine. Put it in your mouth, light it up, and you're gonna get your fix... You're gonna get your fix... -You're gonna get your fix... You're saying that Brown & Williamson manipulates and adjusts the nicotine fix, not by artificially adding nicotine, but by enhancing the effect of nicotine through the use of chemical elements such as ammonia... -You're saying that Brown & Williamson manipulates and adjusts the nicotine fix, not by artificially adding nicotine, but by enhancing the effect of nicotine through the use of chemical elements such as ammonia... "The process is known as ""impact boosting..."" While not spiking nicotine, they clearly manipulate it. There's extensive use of this technology, know as ""ammonia chemistry."" It allows for the nicotine to be more rapidly absorbed in the lung and therefore affect the brain and central nervous system." -"The process is known as ""impact boosting..."" While not spiking nicotine, they clearly manipulate it. There's extensive use of this technology, know as ""ammonia chemistry."" It allows for the nicotine to be more rapidly absorbed in the lung and therefore affect the brain and central nervous system." "The straw that broke the camel's back for me and really put me in trouble with Sandefur was a compound called ""coumarin."" When I came on board at B&W, they had tried to transition from coumarin to a similar flavor that would give the same taste, and had been unsuccessful. I wanted it out immediately. I was told that it would affect sales, so I should mind my own business. I constructed a memo to Mr. Sandefur indicating I could not in conscience continue with coumarin in a product that we now knew, we had documentation, was similar to coumadin, a lung-specific carcinogen..." -"The straw that broke the camel's back for me and really put me in trouble with Sandefur was a compound called ""coumarin."" When I came on board at B&W, they had tried to transition from coumarin to a similar flavor that would give the same taste, and had been unsuccessful. I wanted it out immediately. I was told that it would affect sales, so I should mind my own business. I constructed a memo to Mr. Sandefur indicating I could not in conscience continue with coumarin in a product that we now knew, we had documentation, was similar to coumadin, a lung-specific carcinogen..." And you sent the document forward to Sandefur? -And you sent the document forward to Sandefur? I sent the document forward to Sandefur. I was told that we would continue to work on a substitute, we weren't going to remove it as it would impact sales, and that that was his decision. -I sent the document forward to Sandefur. I was told that we would continue to work on a substitute, we weren't going to remove it as it would impact sales, and that that was his decision. In other words, you were charging Sandefur and Brown & Williamson with ignoring health considerations consciously... -In other words, you were charging Sandefur and Brown & Williamson with ignoring health considerations consciously... Most certainly. -Most certainly. And on March 24, Thomas Sandefur, CEO of Brown & Williamson had you fired. And the reason he gave you? -And on March 24, Thomas Sandefur, CEO of Brown & Williamson had you fired. And the reason he gave you? Poor communication skills. -Poor communication skills. And, do you wish you hadn't come forward? You wish you hadn't blown the whistle? -And, do you wish you hadn't come forward? You wish you hadn't blown the whistle? Yeah, there are times I wish I hadn't done it. There are times I feel compelled to do it. If you asked me would I do it again? Do I think it's worth it? Yeah, I think it's worth it. -"""I would bet on it.""" """The former executive has reason to bet on being sued, for major cigarette manufacturers...""" -"""You wish you hadn't blown the whistle?""" """There are times... I wish I hadn't done it. But there are times that I feel compelled to do it..."" ""I've -- if you asked me if I would do it again or if it's -- do I think it's worth it. Yeah. I think it's worth it.""" -Object to the form of the question! It acts as a drug on the body? -It acts as a drug on the body? Object to the form! -Object to the form! It acts as a... -It acts as a... Object! -Object! There an echo in here? Your objection's been recorded. She typed it into her little machine over there. It's on the record. So now I'll proceed with my deposition of my witness. Does it act as a drug? -There an echo in here? Your objection's been recorded. She typed it into her little machine over there. It's on the record. So now I'll proceed with my deposition of my witness. Does it act as a drug? Dr. Wigand. I am instructing you... ...not to answer that question in accordance to the terms of the contractual obligations undertaken by you not to disclose any information about your work at the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company. And in accordance with the force and effect of the temporary restraining order that has been entered against you to by the court in the State of Kentucky! That means you don't talk! Mr. Motley, we have rights, here... -Dr. Wigand. I am instructing you... ...not to answer that question in accordance to the terms of the contractual obligations undertaken by you not to disclose any information about your work at the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company. And in accordance with the force and effect of the temporary restraining order that has been entered against you to by the court in the State of Kentucky! That means you don't talk! Mr. Motley, we have rights, here... Oh, you got rights and lefts! Ups and downs and middles! So what?! You don't get to instruct anything around here! This is not North Carolina, not South Carolina nor Kentucky. This is the sovereign State of Mississippi's proceeding. Wipe that smirk off your face! Dr. Wigand's deposition will be part of this record. And I'm going to take my witness' testimony! Whether the hell you like it or not! Answer the question, Dr... -Hello. Mr. Scruggs, Jeff Wigand. Lowell Bergman said I should give you a call... -Mr. Scruggs, Jeff Wigand. Lowell Bergman said I should give you a call... My co-counsel, Ron Motley, and I have filed a lawsuit against the tobacco industry on behalf of the State of Mississippi to get the state reimbursed Medicaid costs for treating people with smoking-related illness. If you'd be interested in talking to us, we'd certainly like to talk to you... -My co-counsel, Ron Motley, and I have filed a lawsuit against the tobacco industry on behalf of the State of Mississippi to get the state reimbursed Medicaid costs for treating people with smoking-related illness. If you'd be interested in talking to us, we'd certainly like to talk to you... When should we do this? -Jail? Possibly, yes. That is one of the possible consequences of your testifying here today. That's right... -Possibly, yes. That is one of the possible consequences of your testifying here today. That's right... "How does one... ""go... to... jail?"" What does my family do? Go on welfare? If my wife has to work? Who's going to look after the kids? Put food on the table? My children need me. If I'm not teaching... there's no medical... no medical... even on co- pay, that's like... Tuition..." -Jeff's a premiere golfer... What are you, a two handicap? Seven... -Seven... And, he gets out there and he has five strokes on us. He has more concentration than anybody I've ever met. It's spooky how he can concentrate. -And, he gets out there and he has five strokes on us. He has more concentration than anybody I've ever met. It's spooky how he can concentrate. I'd rather play than talk about it. What did you want to see me about? I don't like being back here. -Jeffrey says exactly what's on his mind. Most people consider what they're saying... social skills... Jeffrey just charges right ahead. Now, I know you understood the nature of the confidentiality portion of your severance agreement with Brown & Williamson, Jeff... Chapter and verse. -Chapter and verse. Yeah, I know you do... You know, I came up through sales. One of the reasons I was a great salesman, was I never made a promise I couldn't keep. I knew that if I ever broke my promise I'd suffer the consequence... -Is that a threat? ...we worked together for, what was it, three years...? Now, the work we did here is confidential, not for public scrutiny... any more than are one's family matters... -...we worked together for, what was it, three years...? Now, the work we did here is confidential, not for public scrutiny... any more than are one's family matters... You threatening my family, now, too? -You threatening my family, now, too? Now, don't be paranoid, Jeff. About the direction of research here, we may have had our differences of opinion... -Now, don't be paranoid, Jeff. About the direction of research here, we may have had our differences of opinion... """Research..."" You declare, as a badge of honor, you don't even know what makes water boil..." -"""Research..."" You declare, as a badge of honor, you don't even know what makes water boil..." That's why we hire scientists... -That's why we hire scientists... Okay. I don't believe you can maintain corporate integrity without confidentiality agreements. I was paid well for my work. The health and welfare benefits are good. The severance package is fair. I have no intention of violating my confidentiality agreement and disclosing that which I said I wouldn't. -Okay. I don't believe you can maintain corporate integrity without confidentiality agreements. I was paid well for my work. The health and welfare benefits are good. The severance package is fair. I have no intention of violating my confidentiality agreement and disclosing that which I said I wouldn't. I appreciate all that, Jeff. But, upon reflection... we've decided to expand our zone of comfort with you. -Yes. Your husband did show remarkable foresight in taking those pictures. And, yes, absent a swimming pool, the presence of the pool man would appear to be suspicious. But Bonnie, who is the real victim here? Let me suggest the following. Your husband, who on a prior occasion slapped you -- beat you -- Well, I wouldn't say -- -Well, I wouldn't say -- Your husband, who has beaten you -- repeatedly -- -Your husband, who has beaten you -- repeatedly -- He -- -He -- Please -- was at the time brandishing your firearm, trying in his rage to shoot an acquaintance -- friend of long standing -- -Please -- was at the time brandishing your firearm, trying in his rage to shoot an acquaintance -- friend of long standing -- They hate each other -- -They hate each other -- So he says now! But if not for your cool headed intervention, his tantrum might have ended this schmoe's life and ruined his own... As for the sexual indiscretion which he imagined had taken place, wasn't it in fact he who had been sleeping with the pool man? -Miles, how nice of you to see us -- may I introduce Howard D. Doyle of Doyle Oil. I told you we know each other, baby. Mr. Massey represented my ex-brother- in law. Martin Reiser? -Yeah. I know. Leather would be more practical, but whatcha gonna do? Miles, I know you're busy and that you charge by the hour so I'll come to the point. Howard and I are planning to marry. -Sixteen years? Howard Jr. is fourteen and Mandy must be what -- twelve? Here. Got pictures. -Honey, I don't think this is really relevant to... ...and one day, this sweet girl calls me, asks me to lunch. Just a shoulder to cry on deal. One thing leads to another and before I know it -- -...and one day, this sweet girl calls me, asks me to lunch. Just a shoulder to cry on deal. One thing leads to another and before I know it -- -- we realized we'd always been very attracted to one another. -Baby. You are so HOT! Howard! -As you are well aware, my previous marriage ended with an unjustified strain on my reputation My motives were questioned. I was slandered in court. You did good, Massey! -You did good, Massey! Therefore in an effort to remove any trace of suspicion from my sweet Howard -- I wish to execute a pre- nuptial agreement. -Therefore in an effort to remove any trace of suspicion from my sweet Howard -- I wish to execute a pre- nuptial agreement. And -- there's no talking her out of it. Believe me, I've tried. -And -- there's no talking her out of it. Believe me, I've tried. They say the Massey pre-nup has never been penetrated. -They say the Massey pre-nup has never been penetrated. "She said ""penetrate."" Heh heh heh." -"Course I can't do much ""wriggling"" if you tie me up like that again. Massey -- this is one bad bad little girl." We'd better go before we get thrown out. -Oh. Right. Won't you have a seat? After you, Doll. -And how is Mrs. Reiser? "Few suicide attempts, little inpatient stint. Naturally, she misses her kids. Six weekends a year and alternate Yom Kippurs seemed harsh to us but -- hey -- all's fair. Anyhoo, she lives with a ""nurse,"" takes her meds and goes to occupational therapy at a local sheltered workshop." -"Few suicide attempts, little inpatient stint. Naturally, she misses her kids. Six weekends a year and alternate Yom Kippurs seemed harsh to us but -- hey -- all's fair. Anyhoo, she lives with a ""nurse,"" takes her meds and goes to occupational therapy at a local sheltered workshop." So she's uh, flourishing? -So she's uh, flourishing? She makes felt wallets. Got one right here. -Muh -- Well, uh -- Huh? Yep. My divorce just came through. Shoulda called you. Coulda cut a better deal! My wife still has health insurance and gets to see the children. But, I don't know. Guess I'm just a softie. After all Amanda and me were together for -- what -- you'd know better than me, Marylin. She was your best friend. -I... uh guess congratulations are in order. Well -- Marylin and Rex broke up and... -No! I had no idea until after, but -- -What a touching story. You know, Miles, after my wife -- wife's mastectomy -- things were never the same. This might sound cold, well, maybe not to you, Massey, but... I like my women with two boobs. -Harvard? Whoa, Daddy! I just want to make sure that you both -- --- understand what you're asking for here. The Massey pre-nup provides that in the event of a dissolution of the marriage for any reason, both parties shall leave it with whatever they brought in, and earned during. No one can profit from the marriage. The pre-nup protects the wealthier party. Well -- at the moment, that'd be me. -Well -- at the moment, that'd be me. And without it, that party is exposed -- a sitting duck. No wriggle room. -And without it, that party is exposed -- a sitting duck. No wriggle room. A Wriggle Room! Maybe we should put that in the Malibu house. Screw the screening room! -A Wriggle Room! Maybe we should put that in the Malibu house. Screw the screening room! -- and we are sure... -Excuse me, Mr. Doyle, if I could just borrow your charming fiancee for a moment. What part? -What part? I'd just like to have a word with her. -I'd just like to have a word with her. Why not? I'm going to have her for a lifetime. -I am here representing Mr. Dumbarton, on a... matter of some delicacy. Who's the pigeon? -Who's the pigeon? Excuse me? -Excuse me? Who do you want me to kill? -Who do you want me to kill? Well -- I, uh, that is to say Mr. Dumbarton -- would like you to uh, neutralize a, uh, business associate by the name of Marylin Rexroth Doyle Massey uh Dumbart -- uh, Massey. -Well -- I, uh, that is to say Mr. Dumbarton -- would like you to uh, neutralize a, uh, business associate by the name of Marylin Rexroth Doyle Massey uh Dumbart -- uh, Massey. Is that... one person? -Is that... one person? Here's her picture... -You're in a rush. Mr. Dumbarton is, yes. -Whoever sent you, I'll pay double. Mr. Dumbarton. -Is this Mr. Dumbarton? No... -That's his lawyer. Triple! -Triple! Who's the pigeon? -You're calling me a pestilence? That's a hoot! I'm sorry. That was unkind and -- but, we changed our minds. Did you really mean what you said on the phone. It wasn't because you found out about Rex? -Lemme tell you something. You are the pestilence. I'm the exterminator. Oh Joe, be happy for us. I'll pay you the twenty thousand. -Well, actually, all whores worship the dollar, if you want to get technical. Shut up. I was a lawyer. Just like you. And my clients? Whores just like you. -Objection, your honor! Grounds? -Grounds? Uh... poetry recitation. -Who's next, Mrs. Rabinow. We rest, Your Honor. -We rest, Your Honor. Mr. Massey? -Objection, Your Honor. This isn't about Mrs. Rexroth's filial obligations. Sustained. -She got absolutely nothing. Zero. Zip. So. I won't be seeing her? Your clients usually visit me after the settlement. -So. I won't be seeing her? Your clients usually visit me after the settlement. Not this one. Not unless her HMO covers plastic surgery, which, incidentally, she does not need. -Not this one. Not unless her HMO covers plastic surgery, which, incidentally, she does not need. Everyone needs plastic surgery. You need it. -Everyone needs plastic surgery. You need it. I don't need it. -I don't need it. You want Botox? -You want Botox? What the hell is Botox? -What the hell is Botox? It's a form of botulism. I just inject it into your forehead, and it paralyzes your eyebrows so you can't raise them... -It's a form of botulism. I just inject it into your forehead, and it paralyzes your eyebrows so you can't raise them... Why in God's name would I want...? -Why in God's name would I want...? No frown lines. New watch? -No frown lines. New watch? It's a LeCoultre Revers. You can flip the face, and set it for two time zones. -It's a LeCoultre Revers. You can flip the face, and set it for two time zones. Why would you need two time zones? You never leave Beverly Hills. -Why would you need two time zones? You never leave Beverly Hills. It was a gift from a client. -It was a gift from a client. Set one side for Bel Air. -Set one side for Bel Air. Botox. Christ. We had aspirations when we were in college. -Botox. Christ. We had aspirations when we were in college. We did not. -We did not. You were going to be a Cardiac Surgeon. I was going to clerk for the Supreme Court. -You were going to be a Cardiac Surgeon. I was going to clerk for the Supreme Court. I was going to play golf. You were going to have Asian girlfriends. -I was going to play golf. You were going to have Asian girlfriends. Denial is not a river in Egypt. -You're in check. I should be in therapy. -Do you think I'm going to end up like Herb Myerson, with a colostomy bag instead of a family? Got any symptoms? -Got any symptoms? Yes. The inability to experience pleasure. -Yes. The inability to experience pleasure. Oh. That. Don't waste time with your queen. -Oh. That. Don't waste time with your queen. What? -What? The Center Counter Defense. The thing is not to move your queen too early. -The Center Counter Defense. The thing is not to move your queen too early. She can't really love that idiot, can she? -She can't really love that idiot, can she? What? -What? Marylin Rexroth. She came into my office and signed a pre-nup with Howard Doyle. -Marylin Rexroth. She came into my office and signed a pre-nup with Howard Doyle. Doyle Oil? A Massey Pre-nup? She loves him. -Doyle Oil? A Massey Pre-nup? She loves him. He's the wrong man. -He's the wrong man. Miles! Don't waste time with someone else's queen, either. -I'm happy for you, pal. Thanks, buddy. -Thanks, buddy. Is she Asian? -Is she Asian? Asian? No. -Asian? No. Well... I'm still... -I have it. You have the pre-nup? -You have the pre-nup? No. I have the ring. Was I supposed to have a pre-nup? -No. I have the ring. Was I supposed to have a pre-nup? No. You have the ring. Wrigley has the pre-nup. -No. You have the ring. Wrigley has the pre-nup. Oh. I thought maybe -- Gee! -They won't get a conviction. The husband called it in as a suicide. The forensic guys weren't thinking murder. I'm sure some of the evidence was compromised. It's your move, Miles. -It's your move, Miles. I already made my move, Kenneth. -My God. What? -What? That was Marvin Untermeyer. -That was Marvin Untermeyer. Yes? -Yes? He was Rex Rexroth's personal attorney. -He was Rex Rexroth's personal attorney. What do you mean, was. -What do you mean, was. Rex just had a massive coronary. In the middle of a business meeting. He's dead. -I'm sorry to hear that. But you weren't close, were you? Marvin says that Rex's will is four years old. He never redrafted it. -Marvin says that Rex's will is four years old. He never redrafted it. Yes. -She's rich. We're still married. We have no pre-nup. So, that's good, right? -Who was that? That was -- oh, shit. What if he's on his way over there? -That was -- oh, shit. What if he's on his way over there? Huh? -Marylin! What have I done? I don't know, but don't call me Marylin. -Mrs. Guttman, you have testified that you were your husband's sexual slave for thirty-six years, ever since you were married -- Except for two years when he was in the Navy, in Korea. -Except for two years when he was in the Navy, in Korea. Prior to your marriage, what was your profession? -Prior to your marriage, what was your profession? I was a hostess. For Trans-World Airlines. -I was a hostess. For Trans-World Airlines. What is your husband's profession? -What is your husband's profession? He manufactures staples and industrial brad-tacks. He's very successful. -So who'd you hire? Ruth Rabino. -You should have tried to get pregnant Marylin -- solidify your position. No. -No. You like kids. -You like kids. I can't have a baby with a man I don't love... And I can't submit a child to divorce. -It was like that scene in The Godfather. Frankie Pentangeli is called to testify against the Family. And he's in court, and he looks into the spectators gallery, and sees his Brother. They brought the brother from Sicily. And Frankie can't say a word. He can't testify. That's what it was like seeing Pat in there. I couldn't even have Ruth cross examine her. Why do you think she did it? -Why do you think she did it? Maybe she wanted a free trip to LA. Maybe they offered her money. Massey is very seductive. Who knows. -Maybe she wanted a free trip to LA. Maybe they offered her money. Massey is very seductive. Who knows. Maybe they put a horse head in her bed? -I begged you to have a baby! In the Godfather, after the courtroom scene, Frankie Pentangeli opens his veins in the bathtub. -You're vulnerable. It's about time. -You said 'yes' didn't you? I said yes. -Is Tong older than Ming? I think Ming is older than Tong. What is this? -"Well. He said to ""make the house mine.""" Oh boy. If he only knew. -Oh boy. If he only knew. Yeah. I guess. You know -- -It sounded like a bell. I'll be right back. --- Ruth Rabinow, this is Rex Rexroth. And you must be Mrs. Rexroth. And you must be Mr. Massey. -How nice. Positano is beautiful. Remember when we were there, Rex? We stayed in the Santo Pietro? That hotel on the cliff? -These are yours. Not according to Mrs. Rabinow. -I assume this is on Rex? Isn't everything? -Your husband told me you were beautiful, but I was unprepared. """Dismiss your vows, your feigned tears, your flattery, for where a heart is hard, they make no battery.""" -Do you have a hard heart, Marylin. Did you see the tape? -Did you see the tape? Not yet. -Not yet. See the tape. Then we can discuss my heart. -Tell me Mr. Massey. What was your performance about this afternoon? What does your lawyer think? -What does your lawyer think? Ruth says you've been too successful, that you're bored, complacent, and you're on your way down. -Ruth says you've been too successful, that you're bored, complacent, and you're on your way down. But you don't agree? -But you don't agree? How do you know? -How do you know? Why would you be here? -Why would you be here? I told you. I was hungry. -I'll have the tournedos of beef. And the lady will have the same? I assume you're a carnivore. I know you do. -"""Who ever lov'd that lov'd not at first sight?""" You didn't ask me here to pick me up. You could get in trouble for that. -You didn't ask me here to pick me up. You could get in trouble for that. Not really. You're not my client. Freedom of association. Big issue with the First Amendment fans. Want to go to Hawaii for the weekend? -Not really. You're not my client. Freedom of association. Big issue with the First Amendment fans. Want to go to Hawaii for the weekend? Have you ever been married, Miles? -Have you ever been married, Miles? No. -No. You don't believe in it. -You don't believe in it. As a matter of fact, I'm a huge fan. -As a matter of fact, I'm a huge fan. You just haven't met the right person. -You just haven't met the right person. No. I haven't. Have you? -All right, Miles. Let me tell you everything you THINK you know. I was married to Rex for a long time. I was an excellent wife, a partner, a lover, a hostess and a friend. There was only one thing I did wrong during the five years we were together. I got five years older. Think he should be able to ditch me for that? He wants a reconciliation. -He wants a reconciliation. See the tape. Then we can discuss reconciliation. Rex screwed up and I nailed his ass. Now I'm going to have it mounted and have my girlfriends over to throw darts at it. Then I'm getting on with my life. That's all I'm after. -See the tape. Then we can discuss reconciliation. Rex screwed up and I nailed his ass. Now I'm going to have it mounted and have my girlfriends over to throw darts at it. Then I'm getting on with my life. That's all I'm after. Gotcha. -Gotcha. What is it you're after, Miles? -What is it you're after, Miles? Oh, I'm a lot like you -- just looking for an ass to mount. -Oh, I'm a lot like you -- just looking for an ass to mount. Well, don't look at mine! -Yes. I loved my husband, Rex. And you've always loved him? -And you hoped to spend the rest of your life with him? Yes. Why is that so difficult for you to understand? -He'll regret this. Have you ever met Mr. Rexroth? -Oh, for the love of... That is true, isn't it Miles? Your pre-nup is the best there is? -That is true, isn't it Miles? Your pre-nup is the best there is? That is correct. Not to blow my own horn, but they devote an entire semester to it at Harvard Law. --- we are both sure that's what we want? Absolutely. -Getting married. To him? He's a sick freak. -To him? He's a sick freak. He's passionate. -He's passionate. Passionate! He's a pervert. He should have to register when he moves. -Passionate! He's a pervert. He should have to register when he moves. All girls enjoy a little rough trade from time to time. -All girls enjoy a little rough trade from time to time. Marylin! Listen to me. -Marylin! Listen to me. No. You listen to me. You busted me, Miles. You left me with nothing! What did you expect me to do? Get a degree in counseling? Write a book about table linen? Because that's what wives do when they get dumped, and frankly, I'm not quite ready for that. -No. You listen to me. You busted me, Miles. You left me with nothing! What did you expect me to do? Get a degree in counseling? Write a book about table linen? Because that's what wives do when they get dumped, and frankly, I'm not quite ready for that. But why him? -But why him? We told you. We realized we've always been in love. -The Massey pre-nup has never been pene -- successfully challenged. So I hear. Is that all? -So I hear. Is that all? No, that's not all. -I'd like to offer my congratulations. That was a beautiful gesture of Howard's. Howard is a beautiful person. -Howard is a beautiful person. Yes. He's a diamond in the rough. And I have a feeling that someday soon you'll be taking that diamond and leaving the rough. -Yes. He's a diamond in the rough. And I have a feeling that someday soon you'll be taking that diamond and leaving the rough. Miles. Miles. Miles. -Miles. Miles. Miles. I am thrilled for you, but tell me this... How'd you get Howard to do it? I've addressed enough juries to appreciate the power of suggestion, but it seemed like he thought it was his own idea. -I am thrilled for you, but tell me this... How'd you get Howard to do it? I've addressed enough juries to appreciate the power of suggestion, but it seemed like he thought it was his own idea. It was his idea. It was a gesture of love and trust. Be happy for me, Miles. -It was his idea. It was a gesture of love and trust. Be happy for me, Miles. Well, when this goes south -- promise you'll have dinner with me? -Well, when this goes south -- promise you'll have dinner with me? Have you tried the duck? -Have you tried the duck? I figure a couple of months. That's how long it should take for the ink on the settlement to dry. -It has bones. Be sure to swallow one. Although knowing you as I do -- there will be no settlement. This time it will be complete and total annihilation. -To victory. I don't feel victorious Miles. I feel betrayed, abandoned and humiliated. I have pictures of him with another woman... -I don't feel victorious Miles. I feel betrayed, abandoned and humiliated. I have pictures of him with another woman... More pictures? My God, Marylin. You can open an erotic art gallery. -More pictures? My God, Marylin. You can open an erotic art gallery. Did you invite me here to score some cheap laughs. -Did you invite me here to score some cheap laughs. No. Just to comfort you, and appreciate you -- -No. Just to comfort you, and appreciate you -- You really think I engineered the whole thing. You think the marriage and the divorce was part of some scheme. You came here to celebrate because you think I'm without morality or soul. You -- sound like my mother. -Hello? Miles? -Miles? Yes? Marylin? -Yes? Marylin? You're right about me. I am worthless. I am nothing. I don't deserve to live. -You're right about me. I am worthless. I am nothing. I don't deserve to live. Marylin? When did I say...? -Marylin? When did I say...? I don't blame them for betraying me. I don't blame Rex, or Howard or my father. You see, Miles, I'm going to tell you something about me. Something you may or may not know. I suck! -Screw you, asswipe! Marylin? Forgive me but are you -- drunk? -Marylin? Forgive me but are you -- drunk? A little. You get out of the car. That's right, Fuctard. I'm talkin' to you! -A little. You get out of the car. That's right, Fuctard. I'm talkin' to you! You shouldn't be driving. Where are you? -You shouldn't be driving. Where are you? I'm on Sunset. Near the Beverly Hills hotel. Wanna meet me for a drink in the Polo...? -I'm on Sunset. Near the Beverly Hills hotel. Wanna meet me for a drink in the Polo...? I live right near there. The 800 Block of Maple. Come here. Marylin -- come here right now before -- just come here. -I live right near there. The 800 Block of Maple. Come here. Marylin -- come here right now before -- just come here. Okay. Should I stop at Starbucks and pick up a blended for -- -Okay. Should I stop at Starbucks and pick up a blended for -- No. Don't stop. -No. Don't stop. Okay Miles. -You have a very nice home, Miles. Very inviting. Thank you. -Thank you. You have wonderful art. I love that lithograph. Hockney? -You have wonderful art. I love that lithograph. Hockney? Yes. I just got that, actually. It was a gift. -Yes. I just got that, actually. It was a gift. From a -- girlfriend. -From a -- girlfriend. No. No. I don't have a... no. It was from a client. -No. No. I don't have a... no. It was from a client. No kidding. I'll bet you have some very grateful clients. What'd Rex buy you? -No kidding. I'll bet you have some very grateful clients. What'd Rex buy you? Rex sent me two humidors full of pre- Castro Cubans. -Is that you? Me. Yes. -Me. Yes. Oh. And that is -- mom? -Oh. And that is -- mom? Yeah. Mom. Mom and brother. -Yeah. Mom. Mom and brother. You look like you were a very sensitive child. You have expressive eyes. -Hmmm... And your mother was very beautiful. She must be proud of you. -And your mother was very beautiful. She must be proud of you. She never particularly cared for me. -She never particularly cared for me. She didn't love you? -She didn't love you? "No. She loved me. She would never not love her son. She just didn't... I wasn't her ""type."" She said I was a very, colicky baby. You know? Difficult. Not a good sleeper? Didn't eat well? We got off to a bad start, and she never seemed to recoup --" -"No. She loved me. She would never not love her son. She just didn't... I wasn't her ""type."" She said I was a very, colicky baby. You know? Difficult. Not a good sleeper? Didn't eat well? We got off to a bad start, and she never seemed to recoup --" She held that against you? -She held that against you? Apparently she was very disappointed. -Apparently she was very disappointed. Boy. Boy, oh boy. -And here I thought my mother was... Your mother was. -Your mother was. Oh right. You met Patricia. -We're damaged goods. No, we're not! -No, we're not! "We are, Miles. You know I'm right. There's something ""off"" about you and me Miles. And maybe it isn't because of these women -- maybe they were just extremely insightful and recognized our ""deficiencies"" very early on. Maybe..." -"We are, Miles. You know I'm right. There's something ""off"" about you and me Miles. And maybe it isn't because of these women -- maybe they were just extremely insightful and recognized our ""deficiencies"" very early on. Maybe..." That is bullshit! Mine is a bitch and yours is a psycho. I can't believe you're saying this, Marylin! There's nothing wrong with us. We're attractive and charismatic and successful and... I like us. -That is bullshit! Mine is a bitch and yours is a psycho. I can't believe you're saying this, Marylin! There's nothing wrong with us. We're attractive and charismatic and successful and... I like us. I'm sorry Miles. You shouldn't listen to me. I'm sure you have a very fulfilling life. I'd better go. I'm depressing. -I'm sorry Miles. You shouldn't listen to me. I'm sure you have a very fulfilling life. I'd better go. I'm depressing. No. -No. Thank you for the coffee. It's very robust. -Friends? Don't go. Stay with me for a while. -I have to say -- I'm speechless. No. I'm never speechless. I'm a little embarrassed. I'm not used to losing control with such -- volume. -I'm a little embarrassed. I'm not used to losing control with such -- volume. And I'm not used to -- Marylin -- there's something I want to ask you. -And I'm not used to -- Marylin -- there's something I want to ask you. What is it Miles? -What is it Miles? I want... I want to... -I want to be your -- your wife. Huh? -Huh? No... That wasn't right. I want YOU to be MY wife. -No... That wasn't right. I want YOU to be MY wife. Did you just propose to me? -Did you just propose to me? Yes. I am. What else could those words mean? I believe we belong together and we can make one another happy. And we should be happy because happiness is better than the alternative which is -- just jump in any old time, Marylin. You have more experience at this than I do. -Yes. I am. What else could those words mean? I believe we belong together and we can make one another happy. And we should be happy because happiness is better than the alternative which is -- just jump in any old time, Marylin. You have more experience at this than I do. Yes. -Yes. Yes? Yes, you do have more experience? -Yes? Yes, you do have more experience? Yes, Miles. I accept. -Yes, Miles. I accept. You do? -You do? Do you want me to sleep on it? -Do you want me to sleep on it? No. -No. Do you want to sleep on it? -Do you want to sleep on it? No ma'am. I have been asleep all my life up to this moment. Marylin, will you marry me? -No ma'am. I have been asleep all my life up to this moment. Marylin, will you marry me? Yes. Again. -I don't have a ring! I know. -I know. I have a watch. -Wasn't she the Judge at my divorce hearing? Yes. Short notice you know, but I think there's nice closure to it. Hello Judge Muson. A pleasure as always. -No. Judge -- just a sec. But Marylin, if we sign it, I can't hope to benefit from the marriage. Oh Miles! -Oh Miles! What I mean is, your wealth is completely protected. -But? I want this to be a marriage based on love, trust and community property. That's all I've ever wanted. -I'm sorry. I'm squishing you. I'll move to the... "No. Stay. I want you close to me. This couch is wrong. It's not a ""married couch.""" -Honey, I could sit... In fact, this is not a married house -- it's a bachelor pad. -In fact, this is not a married house -- it's a bachelor pad. Hardly. You have six bedrooms -Hardly. You have six bedrooms "I know. But I've converted most of them into ridiculous ""Guy"" rooms -- a billiard room, a card room, a gym -- Honey, want you to go out, as soon as you feel up to it -- and buy married things. Woman things. Personalize it. Marylinize it. Make this your house." -Here's my card. Spend as much as you want. We get mileage. "Well, I suppose I could ""girly"" it up for you with a little Fortuny, and some passementerie --" -"Well, I suppose I could ""girly"" it up for you with a little Fortuny, and some passementerie --" Good. Are those foods? -Good. Are those foods? Fabric and fringe. -Fabric and fringe. Exactly. And then -- maybe -- not right away -- There's a room right off the bedroom -- It would be perfect for a nursery. It's a walk in humidor right now -- but if I took out the refrigeration unit -- -Exactly. And then -- maybe -- not right away -- There's a room right off the bedroom -- It would be perfect for a nursery. It's a walk in humidor right now -- but if I took out the refrigeration unit -- Miles. -Miles. I think a nursery should be right off the master suite. My parents put mine in the guest house. Apparently they did have a Fisher Price intercom, but my mother turned it off when I was seven months old because I was so -- -Hi. Hello Marylin. -Hello Marylin. I have a surprise for you. -I have a surprise for you. I bet. -You don't like me? I love you. I want to have your baby. -I love you. I want to have your baby. What's wrong Miles? Did I spend too much? -Miles. I have a very good relationship with all the salesmen. I can return everything. Can you Marylin? Can you return the trust? Can you return the hopes? The dreams? Can you just... SEND IT ALL BACK FOR STORE CREDIT? -Can you Marylin? Can you return the trust? Can you return the hopes? The dreams? Can you just... SEND IT ALL BACK FOR STORE CREDIT? Miles? You're scaring me. -Miles? You're scaring me. I'm sorry, Darling. I love it. It's chic and timeless and elegant and eclectic and. It's you, Marylin. It is YOU. -Well. Well. Well. Look who made bail! May I come in? -May I come in? "I don't know. Maybe I should grab my mace. I'm a civil attorney. I have little experience with ""the criminal mind.""" -"I don't know. Maybe I should grab my mace. I'm a civil attorney. I have little experience with ""the criminal mind.""" I'd just like to pick up a few of my things -I'd just like to pick up a few of my things "I don't believe you have ""things.""" -"I don't believe you have ""things.""" On the contrary. We're married and we have no pre-nup, so a case could be made that everything in here is mine. -Comfy! What do you want? -What do you want? I want to nail you ass. -I want to nail you ass. Are you threatening me, because I'm sure that's a violation of the terms of your bail. -Are you threatening me, because I'm sure that's a violation of the terms of your bail. I'm reporting you to the IRS. -I'm reporting you to the IRS. The IRS? They owe me. I'm expecting a refund. -I'm clean with the IRS. I've reported every dollar I've ever made. Try again, girlfriend. I'm not talking about dollars, studmuffin. I'm talking about -- -STUFF. Got a light? "What kind of ""stuff?""" -Arty Farty stuff. Lithographs and pre Castro Cubans. Watches and mileage on private jets. Stuff, Miles. Stuff you get from grateful clients. Those are gifts. -Those are gifts. Salary. Unreported income. By the way, what time IS it on Bellagio Road? -Salary. Unreported income. By the way, what time IS it on Bellagio Road? You can't prove anything. -You can't prove anything. I don't have to. That's what the IRS guys do. And they do it with great zeal. See, they work at these tortuous civil service jobs, and when five hundred dollar an hour boys like you take their trade out in luxury goodies, these saps feel.. well, they feel like saps. And they feel bitter and they feel vengeful and they feel WRATH. What is this? A Romeo and Julieta? -I don't have to. That's what the IRS guys do. And they do it with great zeal. See, they work at these tortuous civil service jobs, and when five hundred dollar an hour boys like you take their trade out in luxury goodies, these saps feel.. well, they feel like saps. And they feel bitter and they feel vengeful and they feel WRATH. What is this? A Romeo and Julieta? You're out of your league, Marylin. Rexroth was a primate. I'm a professional. -You're out of your league, Marylin. Rexroth was a primate. I'm a professional. I know. So am I, right? And so is Agent Wilson of the Internal Revenue Service. He's a dedicated, underpaid graduate of Southwestern University -- very tenacious, and never more so than when he's dealing with an unscrupulous colleague. I think it's only fair to warn you: I'm going to file an action, Miles. And after a decent interval I plan to have Ruth seek an injunction that will forbid your approach within 500 feet of my house. -I know. So am I, right? And so is Agent Wilson of the Internal Revenue Service. He's a dedicated, underpaid graduate of Southwestern University -- very tenacious, and never more so than when he's dealing with an unscrupulous colleague. I think it's only fair to warn you: I'm going to file an action, Miles. And after a decent interval I plan to have Ruth seek an injunction that will forbid your approach within 500 feet of my house. Meaning my house. -Meaning my house. I believe the residence will be part of the settlement. -I believe the residence will be part of the settlement. Did our marriage ever mean anything to you? -Did our marriage ever mean anything to you? Drop the bogus forgery charge and I'll forget about your generous friends slash clients. -Drop the bogus forgery charge and I'll forget about your generous friends slash clients. That's blackmail. -That's blackmail. That's marriage. -Hello? Marylin? -Marylin? Miles? Miles! Where have you been? I've been trying to get in touch. -Miles? Miles! Where have you been? I've been trying to get in touch. You have to leave the house immediately! -You have to leave the house immediately! I will, Miles. I will leave. But Miles -- -I will, Miles. I will leave. But Miles -- No buts. Now. Out. -No buts. Now. Out. Just listen to me. I'm sorry, Miles. It's true that my initial intention was to... -Just listen to me. I'm sorry, Miles. It's true that my initial intention was to... Please! Leave the house. -Please! Leave the house. I fell in love Miles. -I fell in love Miles. So did I. Now pack up a few basics and -- -So did I. Now pack up a few basics and -- You do? You do love me? -It's a no go, Joe. Marylin! -Marylin! It's okay Joe. -Wait! He works for YOU? Now. But first, he worked for you. -Now. But first, he worked for you. You were going to have this thug...? -You were going to have this thug...? Wait just a second there. You sent him here. You unearthed this pestilence. -Nonono. Marylin -- I'm your husband. I'd be entitled to Rex's money. No matter what happened to you. That's true. -Marylin. Run. I'll distract him. I'm not leaving you. I took self defense -Hello Marylin. Hello Miles. -Hello Miles. Hard to believe this is the way it will end up for us. -Hard to believe this is the way it will end up for us. It's not something I wanted either. -It's not something I wanted either. But then -- I guess -- something inside me died when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me. -But then -- I guess -- something inside me died when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me. Yes. I know. It's exactly how I felt when I realized you'd hired the goon to kill... -You wounded me first, Marylin. Your forgetting Rex Rexroth? -Your forgetting Rex Rexroth? You're forgetting Howard Doyle? -You're forgetting Howard Doyle? Forgery? Fraud? -Forgery? Fraud? Income tax evasion? -Income tax evasion? Murder? -Murder? Murder! -Murder! I don't see how we can ever find our way back from... -Pre-Castro. "Fine. They were created during a dictatorship. What if something happened to you? What would I tell little Gus when he asked ""what was my daddy like?""" -Sweet. I thought so. -Rex. Get away from the door. Look, Marylin, can't we have a civilized discussion about this? -Look, Marylin, can't we have a civilized discussion about this? We are. And it's winding down. -We are. And it's winding down. But Marylin, you know a divorce would ruin me right now. Everything I have -- everything we have -- is tied up in my business. The business is my entire life. -But Marylin, you know a divorce would ruin me right now. Everything I have -- everything we have -- is tied up in my business. The business is my entire life. Are you forgetting about the Atcheson, Topeka and the Santa Fe? -Are you forgetting about the Atcheson, Topeka and the Santa Fe? Marylin? -Marylin? Rex. Go away. I don't want to have to sic the dogs on you. -Rex. Go away. I don't want to have to sic the dogs on you. Dogs? -Hello, Rex. Marylin. -Marylin. Are you alright? You lost weight. -Are you alright? You lost weight. My whole metabolism is -- off. -Do you need a Tagamet? You have some? -Have you been taking your digestive enzymes? Sometimes I forget. -I'm sorry. Where were we? We were about to request the primary residence, and thirty percent of the remaining assets. -I was devastated. Of course. Thank you, Mrs. Rexroth. -Who's that? Jesus. -Is this a lover? Please! -Forgery and Fraud? You used his credit card. -You used his credit card. He told me to -- he said he wanted me to -- -He told me to -- he said he wanted me to -- Quite a little shopping spree. How do you spend six figures in less than six hours? Oh, never mind I've seen it before. I've seen everything. -Quite a little shopping spree. How do you spend six figures in less than six hours? Oh, never mind I've seen it before. I've seen everything. Do you think he set me up? Do you think that was his intention? -Do you think he set me up? Do you think that was his intention? Like I know his intention? Or yours for that matter? I should join Sam. I'm too old for this bullshit. -Like I know his intention? Or yours for that matter? I should join Sam. I'm too old for this bullshit. He never even asked. He just assumed -- -He never even asked. He just assumed -- He was right, wasn't he? -He was right, wasn't he? So. Now what? -So. Now what? Now? Well, Marylin, now you cut a deal or find out how Jean Harris made it work for her. -You want to come out to the beach house tomorrow? I didn't know Barry had a beach house. -I didn't know Barry had a beach house. Neither did I until my lawyer found it -- quite a paper trail -- he had it in the dog's name. -She's a legend. Didn't she do Kravis or a Pearlman? She definitely did a Factor. She did a Harriman. -She did a Harriman. Wow. -Wow. In the words of my Private Investigator, we're going to nail his ass. -Miles Massey. Of Massey Myerson? -Of Massey Myerson? Do you know him? -Do you know him? By reputation. He got Ann Rumsey that cute little island of George's. -Who's she? Now? She's a night manager at McDonalds. -Maybe. We do have a man for you. -Please. I'm not seeing anyone until this is over. One husband at a time. I wish I had your discipline. -I don't know what his game is. He dismissed every one of Ruth's proposals. And Sarah, we weren't unreasonable. Well what does he want? -Well what does he want? I don't know. Ruth kept her cool, but I could tell she was surprised. -I don't know. Ruth kept her cool, but I could tell she was surprised. He has a reputation for being tough. -Lilly's up. Oh, God! -Every week -- I'm dying. -Anyway, even Rex seemed perplexed by his intransigence. If I didn't know better, I'd swear Massey had some personal investment in my ruination. So where are you now? -So where are you now? Well, if he continues to maintain this position -- we're in court. -Well, if he continues to maintain this position -- we're in court. Shit. -Shit. Get this! He called and invited me to dinner. -That stinks. They left you with absolutely nothing. It makes you wonder about the entire legal system. Like Rodney King. They bought her speech. If I was only in it for Rex's money, he shouldn't have to give me any. -Nothing specific, but I'll have my own place soon. So, Marylin. Is that what you said when you were a little girl? -So, Marylin. Is that what you said when you were a little girl? Probably. Every woman in my life was divorced at least twice. What was I supposed to say. Anthropologist? -You're not... No. I'll see some blood before this is over, but it won't be mine. -Sarah Sorkin. Ramona Barcelona -- this is Miles Massey. Hello Miles. -But Marylin, without this, you're completely exposed. I want to be exposed. -Is this Ming? It's not Ming. It's Tong. -I can't do this anymore. Let's get some lunch. What about rugs? I thought we were stopping at Mansour? -What about rugs? I thought we were stopping at Mansour? Right. -What? He's not what I expected. He's very -- he's so -- happy. -He's not what I expected. He's very -- he's so -- happy. But you're going through with it? -But you're going through with it? Yes, yes, it's just -- you know I've never been the first wife. Rex was married before me. -Yes, yes, it's just -- you know I've never been the first wife. Rex was married before me. So what? -So what? Miles is different. He's still so idealistic. -Miles is different. He's still so idealistic. Well, that's about to change big time. -Well, that's about to change big time. He has no cynicism or anger. For once I'm not the repository of rage at some other woman. -He has no cynicism or anger. For once I'm not the repository of rage at some other woman. Soon, you'll have your own rage! -Soon, you'll have your own rage! I guess. --- is not a challenge. I need something I can sink my teeth into, professionally speaking. He would invite these girls home from the staple factory to our condominium in Palm Springs. He had a device he called the Intruder. -Wait. I know you. Yes? -Yes? You're Miles Massey! You probably don't recognize me. The drugs made me put on weight and grow facial hair. -You're Miles Massey! You probably don't recognize me. The drugs made me put on weight and grow facial hair. Excuse me? -Excuse me? You ruined my life you sonofabitch. Gimme those. -Yes, I know Howard Doyle. He tricked you. With a phony wife and a fake pre-nup. Howard Doyle. He got you. You married Marylin, didn't you? You thought she had money. HA HA HA. Howard Doyle made you think that because of what you did to me. And to Marylin Rexroth. Yeah. I heard all about it. My brother Howard Doyle got you. Neener neener neener. -Herb wants to see me? When you have a moment. -Mr. Massey -- Please! No calls! I'm feeling very fragile. -Please! No calls! I'm feeling very fragile. I'm sorry, Mr. Massey, but I felt certain you'd want to know -- Marylin Rexroth wants to see you. -I'm sorry, Mr. Massey, but I felt certain you'd want to know -- Marylin Rexroth wants to see you. Marylin Rexroth? When does she -- -Marylin Rexroth? When does she -- She's here now. -So, Ruth. How's Sam? Sam is Sam. He's taking up fly fishing. He's in a yert in Montana. -Sam is Sam. He's taking up fly fishing. He's in a yert in Montana. A yert. Ruth is a living legend, Rex. At a time when most women are in Boca, having early bird specials -- she's working so her husband can be in Montana. In a yert. -What?! Oh, just a routine mammogram. She said to say hello. She's going to Positano with your brother's family. -So, Miles. If you have a proposal, let's hear it. At this point my client is still prepared to consider reconciliation. -At this point my client is still prepared to consider reconciliation. My client has ruled that out. -My client has ruled that out. My client is prepared to entertain an amicable dissolution of the marriage without prejudice. -My client is prepared to entertain an amicable dissolution of the marriage without prejudice. That's delusional. -That's delusional. My client proposes a thirty day cooling off period. -My client proposes a thirty day cooling off period. My client feels sufficiently dispassionate. -My client feels sufficiently dispassionate. My client asks that you not initiate proceedings pending his setting certain affairs in order. -My client asks that you not initiate proceedings pending his setting certain affairs in order. Ha Ha. -Ha Ha. Heh heh. --- So much for the icebreakers. What're you after, Ruth? My client is prepared to settle for fifty percent of the marital assets. -My client is prepared to settle for fifty percent of the marital assets. Why only fifty percent, Ruth? Why not ask for a hundred percent? -Why only fifty percent, Ruth? Why not ask for a hundred percent? Oh brother. Here we go. -Oh brother. Here we go. Why not a hundred and fifty percent? -Why not a hundred and fifty percent? Yes. Maybe you're right, Miles. Maybe we're being too conservative. Seventy five percent. -Are you familiar with Kirshner? Kirshner does not apply. Kirshner was in Kentucky. -...arty farty! Rephrase. Mrs. Rexroth, have you ever been in love? -He divorced his wife -- he married Marylin -- he divorced Marylin -- and he -- remarried his WIFE? What kind of sick -- Marylin was friends with Howard and Amanda Doyle. They don't like the way you operate. They helped her. -Marylin was friends with Howard and Amanda Doyle. They don't like the way you operate. They helped her. He never ate the pre-nup, did he! -He never ate the pre-nup, did he! I have no idea what Howard Doyle eats. I'm not a damn dietician. -I have no idea what Howard Doyle eats. I'm not a damn dietician. Did Marylin end up with money? -Did Marylin end up with money? She's YOUR wife. Why don't you ask her? Anyway, I assume she signed the highly over rated Massey pre-nup. -She's YOUR wife. Why don't you ask her? Anyway, I assume she signed the highly over rated Massey pre-nup. I don't have a pre-nup -...The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars... Don't give me that crap. That's MY crap. -Don't give me that crap. That's MY crap. And it's good! -And it's good! I'll have you suspended. I'll have you disbarred. -I'll have you suspended. I'll have you disbarred. Don't threaten me, Miles. I did nothing illegal. -Don't threaten me, Miles. I did nothing illegal. ...why did she do it, Ruth? Why? -...why did she do it, Ruth? Why? That's attorney client privilege. Sorry, Miles. But as a great and clever man once said, What's good for the goose -- -Where does that leave us? We've outlined a settlement... -Mr. Rexroth. Rex, please. -Rex, please. Miles Massey. Please sit, relax, and consider this office your office, your haven, your war room -- for the duration of the campaign. -Miles Massey. Please sit, relax, and consider this office your office, your haven, your war room -- for the duration of the campaign. Thank you. -Thank you. Now Rex. -...Well, my wife has me between a rock and a hard place. That's her job. You have to respect that. -That's her job. You have to respect that. When I first met Marylin -- Well, we were crazy about each other. Not emotionally, of course. We just couldn't keep our hands off each other. -When I first met Marylin -- Well, we were crazy about each other. Not emotionally, of course. We just couldn't keep our hands off each other. Mm. -Mm. But then... But then... -Time marches on. Ardor cools. No. Not exactly. It didn't exactly cool. Marylin is a knock-out. And very sexy -- but -- there's a lot of it out there. -No. Not exactly. It didn't exactly cool. Marylin is a knock-out. And very sexy -- but -- there's a lot of it out there. Ah. -Ah. "You know what I mean when I say ""it.""" -"You know what I mean when I say ""it.""" Gotcha. No need to get anatomically correct with me, Rex. -Gotcha. No need to get anatomically correct with me, Rex. Seems like there's more of it than ever before -- -Seems like there's more of it than ever before -- "Well, with the expanding global population -- Let me ask you this -- your wife. Has she pursued the opportunities which must present themselves to the ""knock-out, sexy woman"" you described?" -"Well, with the expanding global population -- Let me ask you this -- your wife. Has she pursued the opportunities which must present themselves to the ""knock-out, sexy woman"" you described?" I don't know. I can assume... -I don't know. I can assume... Not in court you can't. Has she retained counsel? -Not in court you can't. Has she retained counsel? I'm not sure. -I'm not sure. And your wife is aware of or has evidence of your activities? -And your wife is aware of or has evidence of your activities? Video. -Video. Mmm... And to cut to the chase, forensically speaking -- is there a pre-nup? -The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves. Well, let me ask you this: what kind of settlement do you seek? What are, for you, the parameters of the possible? That's the problem. I can't afford to give her anything. -That's the problem. I can't afford to give her anything. Nothing? -Nothing? I know that sounds rough but I'm about to close on a deal to develop some mini-malls, and I'm mortgaged up to my ass. If this deal goes south, I'm ruined -- I'll lose millions. -I know that sounds rough but I'm about to close on a deal to develop some mini-malls, and I'm mortgaged up to my ass. If this deal goes south, I'm ruined -- I'll lose millions. So, you propose that in spite of demonstrable infidelity on your part, your unoffending wife should be tossed out on her ear? -So, you propose that in spite of demonstrable infidelity on your part, your unoffending wife should be tossed out on her ear? Well -- is that possible? -What's Kirshner? Please -- let me handle this. Okay, Ruth, forget Kirshner -- what's your bottom line? -I think that went as well as could be expected. She always looked out for me. -She always looked out for me. And she had private investigators assisting her. -And she had private investigators assisting her. She brought my digestive enzymes. -She brought my digestive enzymes. In anticipation of making you sick. -In anticipation of making you sick. Maybe I should reconsider my... -Wait... He wants to give her...? Nothing. -Nothing. And she has...? -And she has...? Video. -Video. What the fuck...? -Wrigley! Sorry. -Sorry. Sometimes I have serious doubts about you. -Sometimes I have serious doubts about you. I am very sorry. -I am very sorry. Am I mentoring the wrong mentee? -Am I mentoring the wrong mentee? No. You're not. -No. You're not. I could be mentoring Kramer. Kramer clerked for Scalia. -What the hell is wrong with you? I can't help it. Even with the business we're in, I -- it gets me every time. It's so -- optimistic. -I can't help it. Even with the business we're in, I -- it gets me every time. It's so -- optimistic. Is she going through with it? -What do you think? What are they? -What are they? Berry spoons. -Berry spoons. Spoons! Honestly Wrigley, I'm surprised at you. What is this? Some Martha Stewart suggestion? Those are the most cockamamie things I've ever -- -Spoons! Honestly Wrigley, I'm surprised at you. What is this? Some Martha Stewart suggestion? Those are the most cockamamie things I've ever -- Miles -- why so angry? -I'm sorry I'm late. I was having lunch with Ruth Rabinow's assistant. Guess what? Marylin Rexroth is divorced! HA! -HA! ...and I hear she's richer than Croesus. -...and I hear she's richer than Croesus. Ah, but is she richer than Mrs. Croesus? -Ah, but is she richer than Mrs. Croesus? She could buy and sell you ten times over. -She could buy and sell you ten times over. She deserves every penny. They pay great athletes a fortune. Well, Marylin Rexroth is an athlete at the peak of her power. -Get me Marylin Rexroth Doyle. What...? -What...? She owes me a meal. -She owes me a meal. I'd stay away from her, Miles. -I'd stay away from her, Miles. I know you would, Wrigley. But would Kramer? -Wrigley? Miles. -Miles. Kenneth this is my associate, Wrigley. Wrigley this is my friend, Dr. Beck. -Kenneth this is my associate, Wrigley. Wrigley this is my friend, Dr. Beck. The plastic surgeon! I read about you in LA Style. -The plastic surgeon! I read about you in LA Style. Do you have it? -I tried to reach Ruth, but we couldn't get her. We wanted Ruth here for your protection as well -- -We wanted Ruth here for your protection as well -- The Judge is here. Over here, Judge Munson. -Yes. It's for your protection, sweetheart. You're the one with the -- the... -- the coin? -Extinguish? Should we counsel fear -- or trust? Should we seek to destroy -- or to build? Should we meet our clients' problems with cynicism -- or with love? -Now, Mrs. Banderas. What is your relationship to Mrs. Rexroth. We don't have much of a relationship anymore. I haven't seen her since before she married Rex. We had some very nice times prior to that. We were quite close. -And how would you define your relationship to Mrs. Rexroth. You know -- you are her...? Mother? -Hi, Sweetie. Hard to believe I know. I'm sure you are frequently mistaken for sisters. -No. I haven't. But I've been out of town. Hello, Rex. Hello there. You were never invited to meet your son-in-law? -You were never invited to meet your son-in-law? No. Uh uh. I don't think so. Hmm? No. Well... no. -Did you know Mrs. Rexroth was married? Of course. Of course she was married. What else would she be? Single? I don't think so. -Let me tell you something about Patty. "Who's ""Patty.""" -"Who's ""Patty.""" "Oh. That's her name. Patricia. Like mine. I was Pat and she was Patty. But she changed it after seeing ""Some Like It Hot."" To Marylin. After Marylin Monroe." -"Oh. That's her name. Patricia. Like mine. I was Pat and she was Patty. But she changed it after seeing ""Some Like It Hot."" To Marylin. After Marylin Monroe." I see. And what were you going to tell us about Patty slash Marylin? -I see. And what were you going to tell us about Patty slash Marylin? "When she was a tiny girl? And people asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up? She never said the usual things little girls say -- like -- nurse -- ballerina -- anchorwoman? She always said -- ""When I grow up, I want to be divorced.""" -Divorce was her childhood aspiration? "Well, not just divorce. She used to say ""I want to be divorced from some big dumb rich guy..."" And I guess her dream is coming true. I'm happy for you Patty" -I've been trying to nail George's for years, but he's very careful. I'll just keep having children. I think I'm pregnant, by the way. Ramona! Don't get Mia Farrow on us. -Ramona! Don't get Mia Farrow on us. Three is not Farrow. -Three is not Farrow. Who's Rex's guy? -George was so impressed he hired him when he divorced his second. Muriel Rumsey. -It's not so bad these days. Kids like joint custody. Two sets of toys. Maybe next time. -Thorstenson Gieselensen. He just separated from his third. He's in fish. He is fish. She's keeping his name. And one of his planes. And all seven of his children -She's keeping his name. And one of his planes. And all seven of his children And only two are hers. -That doesn't make sense. It's like punishing you for being goal oriented. Well, you can live here as long as you want. Do you have any plans? -We can't do the impossible, Mr. Andrews. What I'm asking isn't impossible. My daughter is somewhere between here and Miami. I want her found! -What I'm asking isn't impossible. My daughter is somewhere between here and Miami. I want her found! I've put extra men on, all along the way. -I've put extra men on, all along the way. It's not enough! Are you certain she's not with King Westley? -It's not enough! Are you certain she's not with King Westley? No. He's been trailed twenty-four hours a day since this thing started. He can't even get a phone call we don't know about. -No. He's been trailed twenty-four hours a day since this thing started. He can't even get a phone call we don't know about. I'm worried, Lovington. After all, something might have happened to her. -Oh—Mary— Yes, sir? -Yes, sir? How is she? -How is she? Why—uh—she's all right, sir. -Why—uh—she's all right, sir. What's the matter? Anything wrong? -What's the matter? Anything wrong? Oh, no, sir. No different than— -Oh, no, sir. No different than— Yes. I know. Still in the dumps, huh? -Yes. I know. Still in the dumps, huh? Yes sir. If you'll excuse me, sir—she sent me for a drink. Andrews stands a moment thoughtfully and then starts up the stairs, following which the scene dissolves to the UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR in front of Ellie's door. Andrews enters and knocks several times. Receiving no response, he gingerly opens the door. -Can't you get them to go any faster? This dissolves to a deserted ROAD, Peter at the wheel of his car. His high spirits find expression in his efforts to sing. """I found a million dollar baby—""" -Yeah, but I don't like the idea of walking in on your jamboree . . . Just between you and me—those things give me a stiff pain. You needn't see anybody. You can come directly to my study. I'd appreciate it very much if— -You needn't see anybody. You can come directly to my study. I'd appreciate it very much if— No—no. What the deuce do I want to— -Mr. Warne? Yeah. -Yeah. Come in. Sit down. -I was surprised to get your note. My daughter hadn't told me anything about you. About your helping her. That's typical of your daughter. Takes those things for granted. Why does she think I lugged her all the way from Miami— for the love of it? -That's typical of your daughter. Takes those things for granted. Why does she think I lugged her all the way from Miami— for the love of it? Please understand me. When I say she didn't tell me anything about it, I mean not until a little while ago. She thinks you're entitled to anything you can get. -Please understand me. When I say she didn't tell me anything about it, I mean not until a little while ago. She thinks you're entitled to anything you can get. Oh, she does, huh? Isn't that sweet of her! You don't , I suppose. -Oh, she does, huh? Isn't that sweet of her! You don't , I suppose. don't know. I'd have to see on what you base your claim. I presume you feel you're justified in— -don't know. I'd have to see on what you base your claim. I presume you feel you're justified in— If I didn't I wouldn't be here! I've got it all itemized. -I sold some drawers and socks, too; I'm throwing those in. And this is what you want—thirty- nine dollars and sixty cents? -And this is what you want—thirty- nine dollars and sixty cents? Why not? I'm not charging you for the time I wasted. -Why not? I'm not charging you for the time I wasted. Yes, I know—but— -Yes, I know—but— What's the matter? Isn't it cheap enough? A trip like that would cost you a thousand dollars! -What's the matter? Isn't it cheap enough? A trip like that would cost you a thousand dollars! Let me get this straight. You want this thirty-nine sixty in addition to the ten thousand dollars? -Let me get this straight. You want this thirty-nine sixty in addition to the ten thousand dollars? What ten thousand? -What ten thousand? The reward. -The reward. Who said anything about a reward! -Who said anything about a reward! I'm afraid I'm a little confused. You see, I assumed you were coming here for— -I'm afraid I'm a little confused. You see, I assumed you were coming here for— All I want is thirty-nine sixty. If you'll give me a check I'll get out of this place. It gives me the jitters. -All I want is thirty-nine sixty. If you'll give me a check I'll get out of this place. It gives me the jitters. You're a peculiar chap. -You're a peculiar chap. We'll go into that some other time. -We'll go into that some other time. The average man would go after the reward. All you seem to— -The average man would go after the reward. All you seem to— Listen, did anybody ever make a sucker out of you? This is a matter of principle. Something you probably wouldn't understand. When somebody takes me for a buggy ride I don't like the idea of having to pay for the privilege. -Listen, did anybody ever make a sucker out of you? This is a matter of principle. Something you probably wouldn't understand. When somebody takes me for a buggy ride I don't like the idea of having to pay for the privilege. You were taken for a buggy ride? -You were taken for a buggy ride? Yeah—with all the trimmings. Now, how about the check. Do I get it? -Here you are. Do you mind if I ask you something frankly? Do you love my daughter? A guy that'd fall in love with your daughter should have his head examined. -A guy that'd fall in love with your daughter should have his head examined. That's an evasion. -That's an evasion. She grabbed herself a perfect running mate. King Westley! The pill of the century! What she needs is a guy that'd take a sock at her every day—whether it's coming to her or not. -If you had half the brains you're supposed to have, you'd have done it yourself—long ago. Do you love her? -Do you love her? A normal human being couldn't live under the same roof with her, without going nuts. She's my idea of nothing! -A normal human being couldn't live under the same roof with her, without going nuts. She's my idea of nothing! I asked you a question. Do you love her? -I asked you a question. Do you love her? Yes! But don't hold that against me. I'm a little screwy myself. -What's this about not eating? I don't want to eat! And there's one more thing I don't want! Definitely! That's to see you. -Know what my next move is? No more cigarettes. Why don't you put me in chains? -Why don't you put me in chains? I might. -I might. All right! Put me in chains! Do anything you want! But I'm not going to eat a thing until you let me off this boat! -Come on, Ellie. Stop being silly. You know I'm going to have my way. I won't stand for it! I won't stand for your running my life! Why do you insist on it! -I won't stand for it! I won't stand for your running my life! Why do you insist on it! You ought to know why. Because— -You ought to know why. Because— Yes. I know. Because I'm your daughter and you love me. Because you don't want me to make any mistakes. Because— -Yes. I know. Because I'm your daughter and you love me. Because you don't want me to make any mistakes. Because— Because marrying that fool King Westley is— -Because marrying that fool King Westley is— You're wasting your time. I'm already married to him. -You're wasting your time. I'm already married to him. Not so far as I'm concerned, you're not. Yes? -Smart, aren't you! So subtle. If Gandhi had a chef like Paul, it would change the whole political situation in India. -If Gandhi had a chef like Paul, it would change the whole political situation in India. You can't tempt me. Do you hear? I won't eat! -You can't tempt me. Do you hear? I won't eat! Please. I can't fight on an empty stomach. Remember what Napoleon said. -Please. I can't fight on an empty stomach. Remember what Napoleon said. I hope you're not comparing yourself to Napoleon. He was a strategist. Your idea of strategy is to use a lead pipe. -Where are you taking me? South America. -South America. South America! -South America! We leave Miami in an hour. Soon's we get some supplies aboard. -We leave Miami in an hour. Soon's we get some supplies aboard. You'll have a corpse on your hands! That what You'll have. I won't eat a thing while I'm on this boat. -You'll have a corpse on your hands! That what You'll have. I won't eat a thing while I'm on this boat. In that event, we won't need so many supplies. -In that event, we won't need so many supplies. What do you expect to accomplish by all this? I'm already married! -What do you expect to accomplish by all this? I'm already married! I'll get it annulled. -I'll get it annulled. You'll never do it! You can't do it! -You'll never do it! You can't do it! I'll do it if it takes every penny I've got. I'll do it if I have to bribe that musical comedy Justice of the Peace! I'll do it—if I have to prove that you were dragged in, staggering drunk. You probably were. Mmm—mmm. This filet mignon is divine! -I'll do it if it takes every penny I've got. I'll do it if I have to bribe that musical comedy Justice of the Peace! I'll do it—if I have to prove that you were dragged in, staggering drunk. You probably were. Mmm—mmm. This filet mignon is divine! What've you got against King Westley? -What've you got against King Westley? Nothing much. I just think he's a fake, that's all. -Nothing much. I just think he's a fake, that's all. You only met him once . -You only met him once . That was enough. Do you mind handing me the ketchup? -That was enough. Do you mind handing me the ketchup? You talk as if he were a gigolo—or something. -You talk as if he were a gigolo—or something. Never mind—I'll get it myself. Gigolo? Why, you took the word right out of my mouth. Thanks. -Never mind—I'll get it myself. Gigolo? Why, you took the word right out of my mouth. Thanks. He's one of the best fliers in the country. Right now he's planning a trip to Japan. -He's one of the best fliers in the country. Right now he's planning a trip to Japan. You're going to finance him, I suppose. -You're going to finance him, I suppose. Why not? Look what he's doing for aviation. It takes courage to do what he does. And character! At least he's accomplished something worthwhile. I suppose you'd like to have me marry a business man. Well, I hate business men—particularly if you're a shining example. -Your whole life is devoted to just one thing. To accumulate more money. At least there's romance in what he's doing. He's no good, Ellie, and you know it. You married him only because I told you not to. -He's no good, Ellie, and you know it. You married him only because I told you not to. You've been telling me what not to do since I was old enough to remember. I'm sick of it! -A time will come when you'll thank me for this. I won't thank you! I'll never thank you! -I won't thank you! I'll never thank you! Please don't shout. -Please don't shout. I'll shout to my heart's content! I'll scream if I want to. -I'll shout to my heart's content! I'll scream if I want to. Ah! Coconut layer cake. Nice and gooey, too. Just the way I like it. -Ellie— Oh, hello, Dad. -Oh, hello, Dad. I knocked several times. -I knocked several times. Sorry. Must have been day-dreaming. -Sorry. Must have been day-dreaming. Well, everything's set. Creating quite a furor, too. Great stunt King's going to pull. -Well, everything's set. Creating quite a furor, too. Great stunt King's going to pull. Stunt? -Stunt? Landing on the lawn in an autogyro. -Landing on the lawn in an autogyro. Oh, yes. I heard. -Oh, yes. I heard. Yes. Personally, I think it's silly, too. -What's the matter, Ellie? What's wrong? Nothing. -Nothing. You've been acting so strangely since you returned. I'm—I'm worried. I haven't bothered to ask you any questions—I— Isn't all this what you wanted? You haven't changed your mind about King, have you? -You've been acting so strangely since you returned. I'm—I'm worried. I haven't bothered to ask you any questions—I— Isn't all this what you wanted? You haven't changed your mind about King, have you? Oh, no. -Oh, no. If you have, it isn't too late. You know how I feel about him. But I want to make you happy. You gave me such a scare—I—when I couldn't find you. You know, the old pump isn't what it used to be. -If you have, it isn't too late. You know how I feel about him. But I want to make you happy. You gave me such a scare—I—when I couldn't find you. You know, the old pump isn't what it used to be. Sorry, Dad. I wouldn't hurt you for the world. You know that. -I haven't seen you cry since you were a baby. This must be serious. Where'd you meet him? On the road. -On the road. Now, don't tell me you fell in love with a bus driver! -Now, don't tell me you fell in love with a bus driver! No. -No. Who is he? -Who is he? I don't know very much about him. Except that I love him. -I don't know very much about him. Except that I love him. Well, if it's as serious as all that—we'll move heaven and earth to— -Well, if it's as serious as all that—we'll move heaven and earth to— It'll do no good. He despises me. -It'll do no good. He despises me. Oh, come now— -Oh, come now— He despises everything I stand for. He thinks I'm spoiled and pampered, and selfish, and thoroughly insincere. -He despises everything I stand for. He thinks I'm spoiled and pampered, and selfish, and thoroughly insincere. Ridiculous! -Ridiculous! He doesn't think so much of you either. -He doesn't think so much of you either. Well! -Well! He blames you for everything that's wrong about me. Thinks you raised me stupidly. -He blames you for everything that's wrong about me. Thinks you raised me stupidly. Fine man to fall in love with. -Fine man to fall in love with. He's marvelous! -He's marvelous! Well, what are we going to do about it? Where is he? -Well, what are we going to do about it? Where is he? I don't know. -I don't know. I'd like to have a talk with him. -I'd like to have a talk with him. It's no use, Dad. I practically threw myself at him. -It's no use, Dad. I practically threw myself at him. Well, under the circumstances, don't you think we ought to call this thing off? -Well, under the circumstances, don't you think we ought to call this thing off? No, I'll go through with it. -No, I'll go through with it. But that's silly, child. Seeing how you feel, why— -But that's silly, child. Seeing how you feel, why— It doesn't matter. I don't want to stir up any more trouble. I've been doing it all my life. I've been such a burden to you—made your life so miserable—and mine, too. I'm tired, Dad. Tired of running around in circles. He's right, that's what I've been doing ever since I can remember. -Yes, I guess I have. I don't want to hurt anybody any more. I want to get away from all this front page publicity. It suddenly strikes me as being cheap and loathsome. I can't walk out on King now. It'll make us all look so ridiculous. Besides, what difference does it make? I'll never see Peter again. Is that his name? -Is that his name? Yes. Peter Warne. -Peter Warne! Why? Do you know him? -Why? Do you know him? Oh, no—no. -Oh, no—no. You haven't heard from him, have you, Dad? -You haven't heard from him, have you, Dad? Why, no . . . Don't be silly. -Why, no . . . Don't be silly. Oh, please, Dad— -Looks like that was his only interest in me. The reward. I'm sorry you read it. -I'm sorry you read it. Are you going to see him? -Are you going to see him? I suppose so. -I suppose so. Certainly! Pay him off. He's entitled to it. He did an excellent job. Kept me thoroughly entertained. It's worth every penny he gets. -I'll be going. Ellie swallows her drink and starts pouring herself another, as King enters. Well, if it isn't the groom himself! You're just in time, King. -might have been able to help if it weren't for you. I've been watched so closely, I— Yes. I know. Well, you can help now. I issued a statement yesterday that I've withdrawn my objections. Begging her to come home. I haven't heard from her. Apparently she doesn't trust me. -Yes. I know. Well, you can help now. I issued a statement yesterday that I've withdrawn my objections. Begging her to come home. I haven't heard from her. Apparently she doesn't trust me. Why should she? After all— -Why should she? After all— All right. That's why I sent for you. There's a room full of reporters out there. I want you to make a statement—that you've had a talk with me—that we've reached an understanding—that if Ellen comes home, I won't interfere with your marriage. Will you do that? -All right. That's why I sent for you. There's a room full of reporters out there. I want you to make a statement—that you've had a talk with me—that we've reached an understanding—that if Ellen comes home, I won't interfere with your marriage. Will you do that? If you really mean it, I will. -If you really mean it, I will. Of course I mean it! I don't care whom she's married to— —as long as I can get her back. -On a hunger strike, huh? When'd she eat last? She hasn't had a thing yesterday—or today. -She hasn't had a thing yesterday—or today. Been sending her meals in regularly? -Been sending her meals in regularly? Yessir. She refuses them all. -Yessir. She refuses them all. Why didn't you jam it down her throat? -Why didn't you jam it down her throat? It's not quite that simple. I've dealt with prisoners in my time, but this one— -It's not quite that simple. I've dealt with prisoners in my time, but this one— Absurd! All this fuss over a snip of a girl. I'm going down to see her myself. -It's my daughter! Go after her. Lower the boats! -What a hell cat. No controlling these modern girls. They're terrible! Terrible! Nothing terrible about her. She's great! Marvelous youngster! Got a mind of her own. Knows just what she wants. She's not going to get it though. She won't get very far. Has no money. -Terrible! Nothing terrible about her. She's great! Marvelous youngster! Got a mind of her own. Knows just what she wants. She's not going to get it though. She won't get very far. Has no money. What about that diamond wrist watch she had on—she can raise some money on that? -What about that diamond wrist watch she had on—she can raise some money on that? "Holy Smoke! I forgot all about that. Send a wireless at once, ""Lovington Detective Agency. Daughter escaped again. Watch all roads—all transports and railroad stations in Miami. Have your New York office keep tabs on King Westley. Intercept all messages. Want her back at all costs!""" -I haven't changed my mind, Westley, I want you to understand that! I don't like you! I never have! I never will! That's clear enough, isn't it? You've made that quite evident—with all your threats of annulment. Well, it hasn't bothered me for a minute. Ellie and I got married because we love each other. And she's proving it; as far as I'm concerned there's going to be no annulment. -You've made that quite evident—with all your threats of annulment. Well, it hasn't bothered me for a minute. Ellie and I got married because we love each other. And she's proving it; as far as I'm concerned there's going to be no annulment. You've got a good thing and you're hanging on to it, huh? All right, You win. I'll just have to get used to you. I admit I'm licked. But only because I'm worried. I've had detectives all over the country searching for her. I've seen thousands of photographs. Fortune tellers, nuts, every crank in the country has written me. Haven't slept one night this week. If I don't find her, I'll go crazy. -Why; naturally, I— Naturally. You're going to become a partner in a big institution. It's one of the largest in the world. -Naturally. You're going to become a partner in a big institution. It's one of the largest in the world. You talk as if— -You talk as if— Someday perhaps, you might even take charge. -Ellie? Oh, she's no responsibility. No? Say, listen—I've devoted a whole lifetime trying to tame that wildcat. Toughest job I ever tackled. Ever hear of J.P. Clarkson? Biggest man in the country, isn't he? Well, I tamed him . Got him eating out of the palm of my hand. I've browbeaten financiers, statesmen, foreign ministers—some of the most powerful people in the world—but I've never been able to do a thing with her. She's been too much for me. I'm glad you think it's easy. Now listen—if you'll do what I tell you, perhaps I might develop a little respect for you. You never can tell. -No? Say, listen—I've devoted a whole lifetime trying to tame that wildcat. Toughest job I ever tackled. Ever hear of J.P. Clarkson? Biggest man in the country, isn't he? Well, I tamed him . Got him eating out of the palm of my hand. I've browbeaten financiers, statesmen, foreign ministers—some of the most powerful people in the world—but I've never been able to do a thing with her. She's been too much for me. I'm glad you think it's easy. Now listen—if you'll do what I tell you, perhaps I might develop a little respect for you. You never can tell. What would you like to have me do? -What would you like to have me do? Sock her! -Try. Do me a favor. Try. It's your only chance. And hers, too. Do that for me—and maybe we'll be friends— Maybe. Do we understand each other? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Fine. I'll see you at the reception. -You thought that up all by yourself, huh? Why, it'll make all the front pages. A spectacular thing like that— -Why, it'll make all the front pages. A spectacular thing like that— Personally, I think it's stupid! But go ahead. Have a good time. As long as Ellie doesn't object. -Personally, I think it's stupid! But go ahead. Have a good time. As long as Ellie doesn't object. Oh, no. She'll be crazy about it. Well, see you later. I'm going out on the lawn and arrange for landing space. Goodbye. -Oh, no. She'll be crazy about it. Well, see you later. I'm going out on the lawn and arrange for landing space. Goodbye. We've done that already. -We've done that already. Yes, of course. -What happened? I haven't the slightest idea. -"Here's another wire, sir. This one's from Charleston. ""Checking every northbound train. Also assigned twenty operatives to watch main highways. No success yet. Will continue to do everything possible."" Signed: Lovington Detective Agency, Charleston." Any others? -Any others? Yessir. There's a report here from every State along the East coast. Want to hear them? -Yessir. There's a report here from every State along the East coast. Want to hear them? What do they say? -What do they say? They're practically all the same, sir. -They're practically all the same, sir. Amateurs! -Amateurs! They're the finest detective agency in the country, sir. -Don't want to talk to—don't want to talk to anybody. Don't want to see anybody. But it's King Westley on the phone. -But it's King Westley on the phone. Ooooooh. Hello my would-be ex-son-in-law. I've sent you a check for a hundred thousand. Yes. That's the smartest thing you ever did, Westley, not to contest that annulment. That's satisfactory, isn't it? Yeah. Well, it ought to be. Oh I'm not complaining. It was dirt cheap. Don't fall out of any windows. -Ooooooh. Hello my would-be ex-son-in-law. I've sent you a check for a hundred thousand. Yes. That's the smartest thing you ever did, Westley, not to contest that annulment. That's satisfactory, isn't it? Yeah. Well, it ought to be. Oh I'm not complaining. It was dirt cheap. Don't fall out of any windows. There's another wire from Peter, sir. They're in Glen Falls, Michigan. -There's another wire from Peter, sir. They're in Glen Falls, Michigan. """What's holding up the annulment, you slow poke? The Walls of Jericho are toppling."" Send him a telegram right away. Just say: ""Let 'em topple.""" -Never mind, son. She doesn't want it. But the lady says— -We ain't ate nothin' since yestidday. What happened to your money? -What happened to your money? Ma spent it all for the tickets. She didn't know it was gonna be so much. We shouldn'a come, I guess, but Ma said there's a job waitin' for her in New York—and if we didn't go, she might lose it. -Ma spent it all for the tickets. She didn't know it was gonna be so much. We shouldn'a come, I guess, but Ma said there's a job waitin' for her in New York—and if we didn't go, she might lose it. Going without food is bad business, son. Why didn't you ask somebody? -Going without food is bad business, son. Why didn't you ask somebody? I was gonna do it, but Ma wouldn't let me. She was ashamed, I guess. -Me? Forget it, son. I got millions. Thanks. -Hey, hey, aren't you afraid you'll burn out a tonsil? "Tonsil? Me? No! Me burn a tonsil? ""My tonsils won't burn— As life's corners I . . ." -"Tonsil? Me? No! Me burn a tonsil? ""My tonsils won't burn— As life's corners I . . ." All right, let it go. -All right, let it go. ". . . turn.""" -No, thanks. We're not hungry. Oh, I see, young people in love are never hungry. -Oh, I see, young people in love are never hungry. No. -No. """Young people in love Are very seldom hungry. People in love Are very seldom hungry . . .""" -Whadda you want! If you'll be good enough to remove those newspapers I'll have a seat. -If you'll be good enough to remove those newspapers I'll have a seat. Okay! Okay! Keep your shirt on, young feller. -Okay! Okay! Keep your shirt on, young feller. Just between you and me, I never intended taking it off. -What do you think you're doing! Huh? -Huh? The papers! The papers! Whadda you mean throwin' 'em out! -The papers! The papers! Whadda you mean throwin' 'em out! Oh—the papers— -That's a long story, my friend. You see, I don't like sitting on newspapers. I did once and all the headlines came off on my white pants. Hey, whadda you tryin' to do—kid me? -Hey, whadda you tryin' to do—kid me? Oh, I wouldn't kid you . On the level, it actually happened. Nobody bought a paper that day. They followed me all over town and read the news from the seat of my pants. -Oh, I wouldn't kid you . On the level, it actually happened. Nobody bought a paper that day. They followed me all over town and read the news from the seat of my pants. What're you gonna do about the papers? Somebody's gotta pick 'em up. -What're you gonna do about the papers? Somebody's gotta pick 'em up. It's okay with me. I'm not arguing. -It's okay with me. I'm not arguing. Fresh guy, huh! What you need is a good sock on the nose. -Fresh guy, huh! What you need is a good sock on the nose. Look here, partner. You may not like my nose. But I do. It's a good nose. The only one I've got. I always keep it out in the open where anybody can take a sock at it. If you decide to do it, make sure you don't miss. -Oh, yeah? Now, that's a brilliant answer. Why didn't I think of it? Our conversation could have been over long ago. -Now, that's a brilliant answer. Why didn't I think of it? Our conversation could have been over long ago. Oh, yeah? -Oh, yeah? You win! -Driver! Yeah? -Yeah? These seats accommodate two passengers, don't they? -These seats accommodate two passengers, don't they? Maybe they do—and maybe they don't. -That storm sure made a mess outa these roads. Holy Smokes! You'll never get out yourself! Better phone for some help. -Holy Smokes! You'll never get out yourself! Better phone for some help. Phone for help? We're right in the middle of nowhere. There isn't a town within ten miles of here. -I beg your pardon! Now, listen. I'm in a very ugly mood. I put up a stiff battle for that seat. So if it's just the same to you— scram. -Now, listen. I'm in a very ugly mood. I put up a stiff battle for that seat. So if it's just the same to you— scram. Driver! -Tell that man not to drive so fast. Are you talking to me? -Are you talking to me? Yes. Tell that man to drive slowly. -I don't know what you're raving about, young man. And, furthermore, I'm not interested. Well—of all the—well— Maybe you'll be interested to know your bag's gone. -Oh, my heavens! It's gone! Yeah. I knew you'd catch on eventually. -Yeah. I knew you'd catch on eventually. What happened? -What happened? That cadaverous-looking yegg who sat in front of us, just up and took it. Boy, how that baby can run! -That cadaverous-looking yegg who sat in front of us, just up and took it. Boy, how that baby can run! What am I going to do now? -What am I going to do now? Don't tell me your ticket was in it? -Don't tell me your ticket was in it? No, I've got that, all right. But my money. All I have here is four dollars. I've got to get to New York with it. -No, I've got that, all right. But my money. All I have here is four dollars. I've got to get to New York with it. You can wire home for some money when we get to Jacksonville. -You can wire home for some money when we get to Jacksonville. Why, no—I— Yes . . . I guess I will. -Why, no—I— Yes . . . I guess I will. I'll report it to the driver. About your bag, I mean. -I'll report it to the driver. About your bag, I mean. No. I'd rather you didn't. -No. I'd rather you didn't. Don't be a fool. You lost your bag. The company'll make good. What's your name? -Don't be a fool. You lost your bag. The company'll make good. What's your name? I don't want it reported! -I don't want it reported! Why, that's ridiculous! They're responsible for everything that— -Why, that's ridiculous! They're responsible for everything that— See here, can you understand English! I don't want it reported! Please stay out of my affairs! I want to be left alone. A CLOSE-UP of PETER shows him glaring after her. -See here, can you understand English! I don't want it reported! Please stay out of my affairs! I want to be left alone. A CLOSE-UP of PETER shows him glaring after her. Why, you ungrateful brat! -Oh, thank you. We're in Jacksonville, aren't we? Yes. -Yes. That was foolish of me. Why didn't you shove me away? -That was foolish of me. Why didn't you shove me away? I hated to wake you up. How about some breakfast? -I hated to wake you up. How about some breakfast? No, thank you. Thank you so much. -Remember me? I'm the fellow you slept on last night. Seems to me I've already thanked you for that. What time is the next bus to New York? -What's the matter? Wouldn't the old meanies wait for you? Say, how old are you anyway? Don't you know these busses work on a schedule? You need a guardian. What are you excited about? You missed the bus, too. -Don't tell me you did it on my account! hope you're not getting any idea that what happened last night is— You needn't concern yourself about me, young man. I can take care of myself. You're doing a pretty sloppy job of it. Here's your ticket. -You're doing a pretty sloppy job of it. Here's your ticket. My ticket? -My ticket? I found it on the seat. -I found it on the seat. Oh, thank you. Must have fallen out of my pocket. -You'll never get away with it, Miss Andrews. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Just a spoiled brat of a rich man. You and Westley'll make an ideal team. -Just a spoiled brat of a rich man. You and Westley'll make an ideal team. Will you please tell me what you're raving about! -Will you please tell me what you're raving about! You'll never get away with it, Miss Andrews. Your father'll stop you before you get half way to New York. -You'll never get away with it, Miss Andrews. Your father'll stop you before you get half way to New York. You must have me confused with— -You must have me confused with— Quit kidding! It's all over the front pages, You know, I've always been curious about the kind of a girl that would marry King Westley. -Take my advice—grab the first bus back to Miami. That guy's a phony. I didn't ask for your advice. -I didn't ask for your advice. That's right. You didn't. -That's right. You didn't. You're not going to notify my father, are you? -You're not going to notify my father, are you? What for? -What for? If you play your cards right, you might get some money out of it. -If you play your cards right, you might get some money out of it. I never thought of that. -I never thought of that. Listen, if you'll promise not to do it, I'll pay you. I'll pay you as much as he will. You won't gain anything by giving me away as long as I'm willing to make it worth your while. I've got to get to New York without being stopped. It's terribly important to me. I'd pay now, only the only thing I had when I jumped off the yacht was my wrist watch and I had to pawn that to get these clothes. I'll give you my address and you can get in touch with me the minute you get to New York. -Listen, if you'll promise not to do it, I'll pay you. I'll pay you as much as he will. You won't gain anything by giving me away as long as I'm willing to make it worth your while. I've got to get to New York without being stopped. It's terribly important to me. I'd pay now, only the only thing I had when I jumped off the yacht was my wrist watch and I had to pawn that to get these clothes. I'll give you my address and you can get in touch with me the minute you get to New York. "Never mind. You know I had you pegged right from the start, you're the spoiled brat of a rich father. The only way you can get anything is to buy it. Now you're in a jam and all you can think of is your money. It never fails, does it? Ever hear of the word ""Humility""? No, you wouldn't. I guess it never occurred to you to just say, ""Please mister, I'm in trouble. Will you help me?"" No; that'd bring you down off your high horse for a minute. Let me tell you something; maybe it'd take a load off your mind. You don't have to worry about me. I'm not interested in your money or your problems. You, King Westley, your father, you're all a lot of hooey to me." -If you promise not to snap my head off, I'd like to thank you. Forget it. I didn't do it for you. His voice got on my nerves. -Here, boy! What'd you do? Wire one of your friends for money? -What'd you do? Wire one of your friends for money? No. It'd be useless. Father'd get the wire before they would. -Of course I do. What do you mean— Beat it! -Beat it! You have your nerve! Here, boy—! -A dollar sixty! . . . You had four dollars last night! How do you expect to get to New York at the rate you're going? That's none of your business. -That's none of your business. You're on a budget from now on. -Now, just a minute—you can't— Shut up! -Hey, Brat—! The VIEW moves to the rear door of the bus. Ellie stands on the bottom step. Are you talking to me! -Are you talking to me! Yeah. Come on—we're stopping here for the night. -Darn clever, these Armenians. Yeah. Yeah, it's a gift. -Yeah. Yeah, it's a gift. I just had the unpleasant sensation of hearing you referred to as my husband. -I just had the unpleasant sensation of hearing you referred to as my husband. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I registered as Mr. and Mrs. -Oh, I forgot to tell you. I registered as Mr. and Mrs. Oh, you did? What am I expected to do—leap for joy? -Oh, you did? What am I expected to do—leap for joy? I kind of half expected you to thank me. -I kind of half expected you to thank me. Your ego is colossal. -Your ego is colossal. Yeah. Yeah, not bad. How's your's? -Chalk up one for your side. Now listen, you want to get to King Westley, don't you? All right, I'm here to help you. What I want is your story, exclusive. A day-to- day account. All about your mad flight to happiness. I need that story. Just between you and me I've got to have it. Now isn't that just too cute? There's a brain behind that face of yours, isn't there? You've got everything nicely figured out, for yourself, including this. -Now isn't that just too cute? There's a brain behind that face of yours, isn't there? You've got everything nicely figured out, for yourself, including this. This? Oh, that's a matter of simple mathematics. These cabins cost two bucks a night and I'm very sorry to inform you, wifey dear, but the family purse won't stand for our having separate establishments. -This? Oh, that's a matter of simple mathematics. These cabins cost two bucks a night and I'm very sorry to inform you, wifey dear, but the family purse won't stand for our having separate establishments. Well, thank you. Thank you very much, but— you've been very kind. -Well, thank you. Thank you very much, but— you've been very kind. Oh, yeah? It's all right with me. Go on out in the storm, but I'm going to follow you, see? Yeah. And if you get tough I'll just have to turn you over to your old man right now. Savvy? Now that's my whole plot in a nutshell. A simple story for simple people. Now if you behave yourself, I'll see that you get to King Westley; if not, I'll just have to spill the beans to papa. Now which of these beds do you prefer? This one? All right. -That, I suppose, makes everything—uh—quite all right. Oh, this?—I like privacy when I retire. I'm very delicate in that respect. Prying eyes annoy me. Behold the walls of Jericho![4] Maybe not as thick as the ones that Joshua blew down with his trumpet, but a lot safer. You see, I have no trumpet. Now just to show you my heart's in the right place, I'll give you my best pair of pajamas. -Do you mind joining the Israelites? You're not really serious about this, are you? -You're not really serious about this, are you? All right, don't join the Israelites. Perhaps you're interested in how a man undresses. Funny thing about that. Quite a study in psychology. No two men do it alike. -I have an idiosyncrasy all my own. You'll notice my coat came first—then the tie—then the shirt—now, according to Hoyle,[5] the pants should come next. But that's where I'm different. go for the shoes first. After that I— Smart aleck! -Do you mind putting out the light? Not at all. -Who are you? Who, me? Why, I'm the whippoorwill that cries in the night. I'm the soft morning breeze that caresses your lovely face. -Who, me? Why, I'm the whippoorwill that cries in the night. I'm the soft morning breeze that caresses your lovely face. You've got a name, haven't you? -You've got a name, haven't you? Yeah. I got a name. Peter Warne. -Yeah. I got a name. Peter Warne. Peter Warne? I don't like it. -Peter Warne? I don't like it. Don't let it bother you. You're giving it back to me in the morning. -Don't let it bother you. You're giving it back to me in the morning. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Warne ... -Pleased to meet you, Mr. Warne ... The pleasure is all mine. -Here— What is it? Why, it's a toothbrush! Thanks. You—you had it pressed. -What is it? Why, it's a toothbrush! Thanks. You—you had it pressed. Come on! Hurry up! Breakfast'll be ready in no time. -Come on! Hurry up! Breakfast'll be ready in no time. Why, you sweet thing, you. Where'd you get it pressed? -Why, you sweet thing, you. Where'd you get it pressed? Listen, Brat—I'm going to count to ten. If you're not out of bed by then I'm going to yank you out myself. -You'll find the showers—and things—right back of the second cottage. Outside! -Outside! Certainly, outside. All the best homes have 'em outside. -Certainly, outside. All the best homes have 'em outside. I can't go out like this. -I can't go out like this. Like what? -Like what? Like this. I have no robe. -Like this. I have no robe. Here—take mine. -Where'd you say the showers—and things—were? Hey—you're little, aren't you? -Hey—you're little, aren't you? Where is the shower? -Where is the shower? Your hair's cute like that. You should never comb it. -Your hair's cute like that. You should never comb it. I'll find it myself. -High time you got back. I met some very interesting women at the showers. We got to chatting about this and that. You know how time files. -Very outspoken, too. Said I looked funny. Wasn't that cute? Hurry up and get dressed. -Hurry up and get dressed. Why, Peter! Don't you want to hear about our lovely friends? -Why, Peter! Don't you want to hear about our lovely friends? If you didn't waste so much time on that wise-cracking drummer—we'd have been through with breakfast by this time. -Well, I hope you're not going to dictate whom I can talk to. I know a couple of truck drivers I'd like to have you meet sometime. Come on, sit down. -I know a couple of truck drivers I'd like to have you meet sometime. Come on, sit down. Thank you. My, my! Scrambled eggs. -Thank you. My, my! Scrambled eggs. Egg. One egg—doughnuts—black coffee. That's your ration till lunch. Any complaints? -Egg. One egg—doughnuts—black coffee. That's your ration till lunch. Any complaints? Nope. No complaints. -Nope. No complaints. I'd have gotten you some cream but it meant buying a whole pint. -I'd have gotten you some cream but it meant buying a whole pint. Why, you don't have to apologize, Mr. Warne. You'll never know how much I appreciate all this. -Why, you don't have to apologize, Mr. Warne. You'll never know how much I appreciate all this. What makes you so disgustingly cheerful this morning? -What makes you so disgustingly cheerful this morning? Must be the Spring. -Must be the Spring. "I thought maybe—uh—""believe you me"" told you a couple of snappy stories." -"I thought maybe—uh—""believe you me"" told you a couple of snappy stories." He apologized for last night. Said he didn't know we were married. -He apologized for last night. Said he didn't know we were married. Just shows you how wrong a guy can be. Doughnut? -Just shows you how wrong a guy can be. Doughnut? Thanks. You think this whole business is silly, don't you? I mean running away and everything. -Thanks. You think this whole business is silly, don't you? I mean running away and everything. No. No. It's too good a story. -No. No. It's too good a story. Yes, you do. You think I'm a fool and a spoiled brat. Perhaps I am, although I don't see how I can be. People who are spoiled are accustomed to having their own way. I never have. On the contrary, I've always been told what to do and how to do it and where and with whom. Would you believe it? This is the first time I've ever been alone with a man! -Yes, you do. You think I'm a fool and a spoiled brat. Perhaps I am, although I don't see how I can be. People who are spoiled are accustomed to having their own way. I never have. On the contrary, I've always been told what to do and how to do it and where and with whom. Would you believe it? This is the first time I've ever been alone with a man! Yeah? -Yeah? It's a wonder I'm not panic stricken. -It's a wonder I'm not panic stricken. Um. You're doing all right. -Um. You're doing all right. Thanks. Nurses, governesses, chaperones, even body-guards. Oh, it's been a lot of fun. -Thanks. Nurses, governesses, chaperones, even body-guards. Oh, it's been a lot of fun. One consolation; you can never be lonesome. -One consolation; you can never be lonesome. It has its moments. It got to be a sort of game to try to outwit father's detectives. I—I did it once; actually went shopping without a body-guard. It was swell. I felt absolutely immoral. But it didn't last long. They caught up with me in a department store. I was so mad I ran out the back way and jumped into the first car I saw. Guess who was in it? -It has its moments. It got to be a sort of game to try to outwit father's detectives. I—I did it once; actually went shopping without a body-guard. It was swell. I felt absolutely immoral. But it didn't last long. They caught up with me in a department store. I was so mad I ran out the back way and jumped into the first car I saw. Guess who was in it? Santa Claus? -Santa Claus? King—King Westley was in it. -King—King Westley was in it. Oh. Is that how you met him? -Oh. Is that how you met him? Um-hm. We rode around all afternoon. Father was frantic. By 6 o'clock he was having all the rivers dragged. -Um-hm. We rode around all afternoon. Father was frantic. By 6 o'clock he was having all the rivers dragged. Say, where did you learn to dunk, in finishing school? -Say, where did you learn to dunk, in finishing school? Aw, now, don't you start telling me I shouldn't dunk. -Aw, now, don't you start telling me I shouldn't dunk. Of course you shouldn't. You don't know how to do it. Dunking's an art. Don't let it soak so long. A dip and plop, into your mouth. If you let it soak so long, it'll get soft and fall off. It's all a matter of timing. I ought to write a book about it. -Of course you shouldn't. You don't know how to do it. Dunking's an art. Don't let it soak so long. A dip and plop, into your mouth. If you let it soak so long, it'll get soft and fall off. It's all a matter of timing. I ought to write a book about it. Thanks, professor. -Thanks, professor. Just goes to show you. Twenty millions and you don't know how to dunk. -Just goes to show you. Twenty millions and you don't know how to dunk. I'd change places with a plumber's daughter any day. -Detectives! That's Father at work, What'll I do? Peter, what'll I do? -That's Father at work, What'll I do? Peter, what'll I do? Don't look at me. I didn't marry King Westley. -Yeah. I got a letter from Aunt Betty. She says if we don't stop over at Wilkes-Barre she'll never forgive us. What are you talking about? -Don't get excited, Peter. They just asked a civil question. There you go again! How many times did I tell you to stop butting in when I have an argument? -There you go again! How many times did I tell you to stop butting in when I have an argument? Well, you don't have to lose your temper! -Well, you don't have to lose your temper! You don't have to lose your temper! That's what you told me the last time too. Every time I step in to protect you. At the Elk's dance[7] when that big Swede made a pass at you— -You don't have to lose your temper! That's what you told me the last time too. Every time I step in to protect you. At the Elk's dance[7] when that big Swede made a pass at you— He didn't make a pass at me! I told you a million times! -Oh, so now I was drunk! Well, you were! -Well, you were! I'm sorry I didn't take another sock at him. -I'm sorry I didn't take another sock at him. Yeah, and gotten yourself arrested! -Yeah, and gotten yourself arrested! Aw, nuts! You're just like your old man! Once a plumber always a plumber! There isn't an ounce of brains in your whole family! -Aw, nuts! You're just like your old man! Once a plumber always a plumber! There isn't an ounce of brains in your whole family! Peter Warne, you've gone far enough. I won't stand being insulted like this another minute. -Say, you were pretty good. Jumping in like that. Got a brain, haven't you? You weren't so bad yourself. -You weren't so bad yourself. "We could start a two-person stock company. If things get tough—we can play some small town auditoriums. We'll call this one ""The Great Deception.""[8]" -"We could start a two-person stock company. If things get tough—we can play some small town auditoriums. We'll call this one ""The Great Deception.""[8]" "Next week ""East Lynne.""" -"Next week ""East Lynne.""" "After that ""The Three Musketeers."" I'd make a great D'Artagnan." -"After that ""The Three Musketeers."" I'd make a great D'Artagnan." How about Cinderella—or a real hot love story? -How about Cinderella—or a real hot love story? No mushy stuff. I'm running this troupe. -No mushy stuff. I'm running this troupe. Oh, you are! Who made you the manager? -Oh, you are! Who made you the manager? I did! It was my idea, wasn't it? -I did! It was my idea, wasn't it? You always want to run everything. -You always want to run everything. If you don't like it, you can resign from the company. -If you don't like it, you can resign from the company. I refuse to resign! -I refuse to resign! Then I'll fire you. I'll do all the parts myself. -I better go over and see her. Don't be silly. Nothing you can do. Must be tough on an old woman—a trip like this. -Don't be silly. Nothing you can do. Must be tough on an old woman—a trip like this. Yes. -Poor old Shapeley. You shouldn't have frightened him like that. At the rate he started, he's probably passed two state lines by this time. The exercise is good for him. -At the rate he started, he's probably passed two state lines by this time. The exercise is good for him. Yes, I noticed he was getting a little fat lately. Ouch! -Yes, I noticed he was getting a little fat lately. Ouch! What's the matter? -What's the matter? I was never built for these moonlight strolls. Why did we have to leave the bus? -I was never built for these moonlight strolls. Why did we have to leave the bus? I don't trust that chatterbox. -First town we hit in the morning, you better wire your father. Not as long as I'm alive. -Not as long as I'm alive. Okay with me, if you can stand the starvation diet. -Okay with me, if you can stand the starvation diet. What do you mean—starvation? -What do you mean—starvation? It takes money to buy food. -It takes money to buy food. Why, haven't you—? -Why, haven't you—? Not a sou. I had some before the fainting scene. -Not a sou. I had some before the fainting scene. You didn't give that boy all your money? -You didn't give that boy all your money? I didn't give him anything . You were the big-hearted gal. How about wiring your father now? -I didn't give him anything . You were the big-hearted gal. How about wiring your father now? Never! I'll get to New York if I have to starve all the way. -Never! I'll get to New York if I have to starve all the way. Must be some strange power Westley has over you women. How do you expect to get there? -Must be some strange power Westley has over you women. How do you expect to get there? To New York? -To New York? Yeah. -Yeah. I'm following you. -I'm following you. Aren't you afraid of me? -Aren't you afraid of me? No. -No. Okay. Hang on to these. -I wish you'd stop being playful. "Sorry. It's the first time I've ridden ""piggy-back"" in years." -"Sorry. It's the first time I've ridden ""piggy-back"" in years." "This isn't ""piggy-back.""" -"This isn't ""piggy-back.""" Of course it is. -Of course it is. You're crazy. -You're crazy. "remember distinctly Father taking me for a ""piggy-back"" ride—" -"remember distinctly Father taking me for a ""piggy-back"" ride—" And he carried you like this, I suppose. -And he carried you like this, I suppose. Yes. -Yes. "Your father didn't know beans about ""piggy-back"" riding." -"Your father didn't know beans about ""piggy-back"" riding." "My uncle—Mother's brother—had four children . . . and I've seen them ride ""piggy-back.""" -"My uncle—Mother's brother—had four children . . . and I've seen them ride ""piggy-back.""" "I don't think there's a ""piggy- back"" rider in your whole family. I never knew a rich man yet who was a good ""piggy-back"" rider." -"I don't think there's a ""piggy- back"" rider in your whole family. I never knew a rich man yet who was a good ""piggy-back"" rider." That's silly. -That's silly. "To be a ""piggy-backer"" it takes complete relaxation—a warm heart—and a loving nature." -"To be a ""piggy-backer"" it takes complete relaxation—a warm heart—and a loving nature." And rich people have none of those qualifications, I suppose. -And rich people have none of those qualifications, I suppose. Not a one. -Not a one. You're prejudiced. -You're prejudiced. "Show me a good ""piggy-back"" rider and I'll show you somebody that's human. Take Abraham Lincoln, for instance—a natural ""piggy-backer."" Where do you get off with your stuffed-shirt family? Why, your father knew so much about ""piggy-back"" riding that he—" -This looks like the best spot. We're not going to sleep out here, are we? -We're not going to sleep out here, are we? I don't know about you, but I'm going to give a fairly good imitation of it. -Peter— What? -If you're scared it scares the hunger out of you. Not if you're more hungry than scared. -Not if you're more hungry than scared. All right. You win. Let's forget it. -All right. You win. Let's forget it. I can't forget it. I'm still hungry. -I can't forget it. I'm still hungry. Holy Smokes! Why did I ever get mixed up with you! -I'll get my clothes all wrinkled. Well, take them off. -Well, take them off. What! -What! All right! Don't take them off. Do whatever you please. But shut up about it. -What's the matter? Oh, Peter— -Oh, Peter— What's got into you? -What's got into you? Oh, Peter! I was so scared. -I wasn't gone more than a minute. Just went out to find you something to eat. know—but— -know—but— Here. Eat your head off. -Here. Eat your head off. I don't want it now. -I don't want it now. Thought you were hungry! -Thought you were hungry! was—but— -was—but— But what! -But what! was so scared—that it scared— -was so scared—that it scared— Holy Jumping Catfish! You can drive a guy crazy. -Sure. What? -What? Nothing. Nothing you'd give two cents for. -Nothing. Nothing you'd give two cents for. Try me. -I am. I only work when I have to. Two years ago I got a notion and went to China. There was a war going on. Swell! After a while it got stale. I went down to Tahiti. Just lay on the beach for six months. What could be sweeter? Doesn't sound very exciting. -What are you thinking about? By a strange coincidence, I was thinking of you. -By a strange coincidence, I was thinking of you. Really? -Really? Yeah. I was just wondering what makes dames like you so dizzy. -Yeah. I was just wondering what makes dames like you so dizzy. What'd you say we're supposed to be doing? -What'd you say we're supposed to be doing? Hitch-hiking. -Hitch-hiking. Well, you've given me a very good example of the hiking— -If it's just the same to you, we'll sit right here till they come. Got a toothpick? No. But I've got a penknife. -No. But I've got a penknife. Hay—in my teeth. -There it is. Better swallow it. We're not going to have any breakfast. Needn't rub it in. What're you eating? -Needn't rub it in. What're you eating? Carrots. -Carrots. Raw? -Raw? Uh-huh. Want one? -Uh-huh. Want one? No!! It's a wonder you couldn't get me something I can eat. -No!! It's a wonder you couldn't get me something I can eat. You don't think I'm going around panhandling for you. Best thing in the world for you—carrots. Had a tough time getting them. If that farmer ever caught me—goodnight! -You don't think I'm going around panhandling for you. Best thing in the world for you—carrots. Had a tough time getting them. If that farmer ever caught me—goodnight! I hate the horrid stuff. -I wish you wouldn't talk too much. We let a car get away. What if nobody stops for us? -What if nobody stops for us? Oh, they'll stop, all right. It's a matter of knowing how to hail them. -Oh, they'll stop, all right. It's a matter of knowing how to hail them. You're an expert, I suppose. -You're an expert, I suppose. "Expert! Going to write a book on it. Called the ""Hitch-Hikers Hail.""" -"Expert! Going to write a book on it. Called the ""Hitch-Hikers Hail.""" There's no end to your accomplishments. -There's no end to your accomplishments. You think it's simple, huh? -You think it's simple, huh? Oh, no! -Oh, no! Well, it is simple. It's all in the thumb, see? A lot of people do it— -But the thumb always works. Different ways to do it, though. Depends on how you feel. For instance, number one is a short, jerky movement— That shows independence. You don't care if they stop or not. 'Cause you got some money in your pocket, see? Clever. -Clever. Number two is a wider movement—a smile goes with that one—like this. That means you got a couple of brand new stories about the farmer's daughter.[12] -Number two is a wider movement—a smile goes with that one—like this. That means you got a couple of brand new stories about the farmer's daughter.[12] You figured that all out yourself, huh? -You figured that all out yourself, huh? Oh, that's nothing. Now take number three, for instance. That's a pip. It's the pathetic one. When you're broke—and hungry—and everything looks black. It's a long movement like this— —with a follow through. -Oh, that's nothing. Now take number three, for instance. That's a pip. It's the pathetic one. When you're broke—and hungry—and everything looks black. It's a long movement like this— —with a follow through. Amazing. -Amazing. Hm? Yeah, but it's no good if you haven't got a long face with it. -Here comes a car! Now watch me. I'm going to use Number One. Keep your eye on that thumb, baby, and see what happens. -Something must have gone wrong. I guess I'll try number two. When you get up to a hundred, wake me up. -I guess maybe I won't write that book after all. Yes. But look at all the fun you had. Mind if I try? -Yes. But look at all the fun you had. Mind if I try? You! Don't make me laugh. -You! Don't make me laugh. You're such a smart aleck! Nobody can do anything but you. I'll show you how to stop a car—and I won't use my thumb. -What're you going to do? Mind your own business. -You might give me a little credit. What for? -What for? I proved once and for all that the limb is mightier than the thumb. -I proved once and for all that the limb is mightier than the thumb. Why didn't you take all your clothes off? You could have stopped forty cars. -Why didn't you take all your clothes off? You could have stopped forty cars. We don't need forty cars. -What were you going to do? Gold dig him for a meal?[13] Why not? I'm hungry. -Why not? I'm hungry. Eat a carrot. -Eat a carrot. Never! I'm going in and ask him— -Never! I'm going in and ask him— If you do, I'll break your neck. -Oh, Peter! What happened? Are you all right? Come on—get in. -Come on—get in. Oh, you've been hurt! There's a cut on— -Oh, you've been hurt! There's a cut on— Come on! come on! -Come on! come on! What happened? -What happened? Just a road thief. Picks people up and runs off with their stuff. What a racket! -Just a road thief. Picks people up and runs off with their stuff. What a racket! What'd you give him for the car? -What'd you give him for the car? A black eye. -You don't have to eat the carrots. Just passed a pond with some ducks in it. Darling! -Any luck? Yeah. He finally agreed to let us have a room. -Yeah. He finally agreed to let us have a room. What about money? -What about money? Talked him out of it. He thinks we're going to stay a week. I'll have to think of something before morning. -Talked him out of it. He thinks we're going to stay a week. I'll have to think of something before morning. That's swell! -That's swell! I'm glad you think so. If you ask me, it's foolish. I told you there's no sense in our staying here tonight. We could make New York in less than three hours. -I'm glad you think so. If you ask me, it's foolish. I told you there's no sense in our staying here tonight. We could make New York in less than three hours. I couldn't arrive in New York at three in the morning. Everybody's in bed. -I couldn't arrive in New York at three in the morning. Everybody's in bed. Okay. Cottage Number Three. -Yes. You'll have a great story, won't you? Yeah, swell. -Thank you. Am I going to see you in New York? Nope. -Nope. Why not? -Haven't you ever wanted to fall in love? Me? -Me? Yes. Haven't you thought about it at all? Seems to me you could make some girl wonderfully happy. -Yes. Haven't you thought about it at all? Seems to me you could make some girl wonderfully happy. Maybe. Sure—sure, I've thought about it. Who hasn't? If I ever met the right sort of a girl, I'd— Yeah, but where you going to find her—somebody that's real—somebody that's alive? They don't come that way any more. -Better go back to your bed. I love you. -I love you. You're forgetting you're married. -You're forgetting you're married. I don't care. I love you. Nothing else matters. We can run away. Everything'll take care of itself. Please, Peter. You can't go out of my life now. I couldn't live without you. Oh, Peter— -I hope you got your money. You bet I did. -You bet I did. Congratulations. -Congratulations. Same to you. -Same to you. Why don't you stay and watch the fun? You'll enjoy it immensely. -Why don't you stay and watch the fun? You'll enjoy it immensely. I would. But I've got a weak stomach. -Compared to you, my friend, Shapeley's an amateur. Whatever gave you an idea you can get away with this! You're positively the most conceited— Hey, wait a minute! Let's get something straightened out right now. If you've any peculiar ideas that I'm interested in you, forget it. You're just a headline to me. -Hey, wait a minute! Let's get something straightened out right now. If you've any peculiar ideas that I'm interested in you, forget it. You're just a headline to me. A headline? You're not a newspaper man, are you? -I'll bet you're in an awful hurry to get back to New York, aren't you? Goodnight, Mr. Warne. -ONE—TWO—THREE—FOUR—FIVE Why, you bully. I believe you would. -Why, you bully. I believe you would. —six—seven—eight—nine— -—six—seven—eight—nine— I'm out! I'm out! -Maybe I could jump out of the window. Do you think they'd see me? Come here, you little fool! -There's a man here to see you, Sweetheart. Who—me? Want to see me? -No, it isn't. I'm hungry and—and scared. You can't be hungry and scared at the same time. -You can't be hungry and scared at the same time. Well, I am. -Comical part of it is, it isn't what you want at all. In a couple of weeks you'll be looking for the nearest exit . . . People like you spend all your life on a merry-go-round. I guess that's what makes you so dizzy. You're always chasing after something. At least you think you are. Truth is, you're just running away. From yourself, mostly. 'Cause you're miserable. You hate yourself. The world's full of people like you. Don't know what they want. Do you know? -I just want to be let alone, that's all. Life's swell if you don't try too hard. Most people want to get a strangle-hold on it. They're not living. They're just feverish. If they didn't get themselves all balled up with a lot of manufactured values, they'd find what they want. Peace and calm. When you get right down to it, what's all the shootin' for, will you tell me? After all, you can only eat three meals a day, only sleep in one bed— Right now, that hay feels pretty good to you, doesn't it? Sure it does. 'Cause you were tired—and it's the only thing around. You sound like a hobo. -Is that the Walls of Jericho going up? Yep! The Walls of Jericho. -No harm in your coming to see us. Not interested. -Not interested. Won't I ever see you again? -How are you, Ellie? Are you happy? Happy? Why shouldn't I be happy? I'm getting the handsomest man in captivity. Here you are, King. Let's drink. Let's drink to us . We finally made it, didn't we? -Happy? Why shouldn't I be happy? I'm getting the handsomest man in captivity. Here you are, King. Let's drink. Let's drink to us . We finally made it, didn't we? You bet we did. -You bet we did. It's up to you now. I want our life to be full of excitement, King. We'll never let up, will we? Never a dull moment. We'll get on a merry-go-round and never get off. Promise you'll never let me get off? It's the only way to live, isn't it? No time to think. We don't want to stop to think, do we? Just want to keep going. -It's up to you now. I want our life to be full of excitement, King. We'll never let up, will we? Never a dull moment. We'll get on a merry-go-round and never get off. Promise you'll never let me get off? It's the only way to live, isn't it? No time to think. We don't want to stop to think, do we? Just want to keep going. Whatever you say, darling. -Whatever you say, darling. I heard about your stunt. That's swell, King. Just think of it—the groom lands on the lawn with a plane. It's a perfect beginning for the life we're going to lead. It sets just the right tempo. Come on, King. You're lagging. -Where's the bus to New York? Left twenty minutes ago. -Left twenty minutes ago. Why, that's ridiculous! I was on that bus—I told them to wait! -Why, that's ridiculous! I was on that bus—I told them to wait! Sorry, Miss. It's gone. Ellie's face clouds. The crowds surge about her. She looks around thoughtfully. Suddenly her eyes open in surprise at something she sees, and the VIEW then moves over to Peter, who sits on his suitcase, looking toward Ellie. -Eight o'clock tonight. Eight o'clock! Why, that's twelve hours! -Eight o'clock! Why, that's twelve hours! Sorry, Miss. -Here's your ticket, ma'am. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Here. -Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Here. Oh, thank you. Thank you. -Oh, thank you. Thank you. When does the bus leave? -When does the bus leave? In about fifteen minutes. -In about fifteen minutes. Thank you. -What's the matter? Where's your husband, young lady— Husband? -Husband? Yes—if he is your husband. -Yes—if he is your husband. Isn't he here? -Isn't he here? No, he ain't! And the car's gone, too. -No, he ain't! And the car's gone, too. Why, he'll be back. -Why, he'll be back. Yeah? What makes you think so! He took his suitcase and everything. Kinda surprised, huh? It's just like I told you, Zeke. They ain't married a'tall . . . -Why, you can't put me out in the middle of the— Serves you right. Oughta be careful who you take up with on the road. You can't go plyin' your trade in my camp. -Serves you right. Oughta be careful who you take up with on the road. You can't go plyin' your trade in my camp. But can't you wait until morning— -But can't you wait until morning— Ain't gonna wait a minute. -Can I use your telephone? I want to talk to New York. You ain't gonna stick me for no phone calls. You can go down to the Sheriff's office. -You made no mistake sitting next to me. Just between us, the kinda muggs you meet on a hop like this ain't nothing to write home to the wife about. You gotta be awful careful who you hit up with, is what I always say, and you can't be too particular, neither. Once when I was comin' through North Carolina, I got to gabbin' with a good-lookin' mama. One of those young ones, you know, and plenty classy, too. Kinda struck my fancy. You know how it is. Well, sir, you could'a knocked me over with a Mack truck. I was just warming up when she's yanked offa the bus. Who do you think she was? Huh? Might as well give up. The girl bandit! The one the papers been writin' about. Yessir, you coulda knocked me over with a Mack truck. What's the matter, sister? You ain't sayin' much. Seems to me you're doing excellently without any assistance. -Seems to me you're doing excellently without any assistance. That's pretty good . . . Well, shut my big nasty mouth! -"But I don't go in for that kinda stuff—much. I like to pick my fillies. Take you, for instance. You're my type. No kiddin' sister. I could go for you in a big way. ""Fun-on-the-side Shapeley"" they call me, and the accent is on the fun, believe you me." Believe you me, you bore me to distraction. -Hey, what's this? Wearing Papa's things? Now that's cute. That's what I call real lovey-dovey. Yessir. If you don't get out of here, I'll slap that fresh mouth of yours. -If you don't get out of here, I'll slap that fresh mouth of yours. Sorry—I didn't mean to— -Sorry—I didn't mean to— Get out! -Get out! Okay. I was just trying to make conversation. -Do you mind taking those things off the Walls of Jericho? It's tough enough as it is. Oh, excuse me. -Oh, by the way—what's your name? What's that? -I've been thinking about you. Yes? -Yes? You've had a pretty tough break at that. Twice a Missus and still unkissed. -Hey—you not up yet? Come on—come on! What time is it? -What time is it? Eight o'clock. -I'm hungry. Just your imagination. -The old man's screwy! What's 'at? -What's 'at? I said, the old man's screwy! -I said, the old man's screwy! Yeah! -Yeah! The dame's too smart for him. -The dame's too smart for him. How'd you like to be married to a wild cat like that? -What's up? Bridge washed out—around Dawson. -Any of your passengers want a place to sleep—there's an auto camp up yonder a piece. Yeah? Where? -Yeah? Where? Up yonder. See the lights? -Up yonder. See the lights? Yeah. -Yeah. That's it. Dyke's Auto Camp. -That's it. Dyke's Auto Camp. Thanks. -Mr. Gordon— Huh? -Huh? Did you know he reversed the charges on that call? -Did you know he reversed the charges on that call? What! Say, listen you! When you get back to New York, take my advice and stay f-a-r away from this office—unless you don't care what happens to that funny map of yours. -Here's another wire from Peter Warne. "Throw it in the basket. What's it say? ""Have I got a story! It's getting hotter and hotter. Hope you're the same.""" -Collect? Yes. -Yes. Don't accept any more. -Say, listen, you wouldn't know a story if it reached up and kicked you in the pants. Yeah? Sure, sure, I got your copy. Why didn't you tell me you were going to write it in Greek? I'd start a new department. That was free verse, you gashouse palooka! -That was free verse, you gashouse palooka! Free verse, huh? What the dickens was free about it? It cost this paper a gob of dough. Well, I'm here to tell you, it's not gonna cost us any more. -Free verse, huh? What the dickens was free about it? It cost this paper a gob of dough. Well, I'm here to tell you, it's not gonna cost us any more. That's okay by me! 'Cause as far as I'm concerned, I'm through with newspapers! See? I'm through with stupidity! I'll never write another newspaper story, for you or anybody else, if I have to starve. Yeah? What about my novel! When I get through with that— -That's okay by me! 'Cause as far as I'm concerned, I'm through with newspapers! See? I'm through with stupidity! I'll never write another newspaper story, for you or anybody else, if I have to starve. Yeah? What about my novel! When I get through with that— When you get through with that, I'll have a beard down to my ankles. -Get out of here! Wait a minute, Gordon—I— -Wait a minute, Gordon—I— Get out! -Joe, listen— "Don't ""Joe"" me." -"Don't ""Joe"" me." Okay, Joe. Listen—you know I've always liked you. Anytime I could do you a great turn—anytime I ran into a story that looked good—I always came running to you, didn't I? Well, I got one now. Those wires I sent you were on the level. It's the biggest scoop of the year. I'm giving it to you, Joe. -Okay, Joe. Listen—you know I've always liked you. Anytime I could do you a great turn—anytime I ran into a story that looked good—I always came running to you, didn't I? Well, I got one now. Those wires I sent you were on the level. It's the biggest scoop of the year. I'm giving it to you, Joe. You mean about the Andrews' kid? -You mean about the Andrews' kid? That's it. I got it all written up. Ready to go. All I want is a thousand dollars. -A thousand dollars! Get out of this office before I throw you out bodily. Don't get sore, Joe. This is something you got to do for me. I need a thousand dollars—and I need it quick. I'm in a jam. -Don't get sore, Joe. This is something you got to do for me. I need a thousand dollars—and I need it quick. I'm in a jam. What's the thousand bucks for? -What's the thousand bucks for? To tear down the Walls of Jericho. -To tear down the Walls of Jericho. What! -What! Never mind . . . Listen—suppose I should tell you that Ellen Andrews is going to have her marriage annulled. -Never mind . . . Listen—suppose I should tell you that Ellen Andrews is going to have her marriage annulled. Huh? -Huh? That she's going to marry somebody else. -That she's going to marry somebody else. You're drunk. -You're drunk. Would an exclusive story like that be worth a thousand bucks to you? -Would an exclusive story like that be worth a thousand bucks to you? If it's on the level. -If it's on the level. Well, I got it, Joe. -Well, I got it, Joe. Who's she gonna marry? -Who's she gonna marry? It's all right here. Give me the thousand and it's yours. -It's all right here. Give me the thousand and it's yours. I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw that desk. -I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw that desk. Wait a minute, Joe. Use your bean. I couldn't afford to hand you a phoney yarn, like that. I'd be crazy. There isn't a newspaper in the country'd give me a job after that! I could go to jail! -Wait a minute, Joe. Use your bean. I couldn't afford to hand you a phoney yarn, like that. I'd be crazy. There isn't a newspaper in the country'd give me a job after that! I could go to jail! I'd put you there myself. -I'd put you there myself. Sure. I wouldn't blame you, either. -Sure. I wouldn't blame you, either. Who's the guy she's gonna marry? -Who's the guy she's gonna marry? I am, Joe. -I am, Joe. You! -You! Yeah. -Yeah. Now I know you're drunk. I'm going home. Don't annoy me any more. -Now I know you're drunk. I'm going home. Don't annoy me any more. For heaven's sake, Joe—stop being an editor for just a minute. We've been friends for a long time, haven't we? You ought to know when I'm serious. This is on the level. -I met her on a bus coming from Miami. Been with her every minute. I'm in love with her, Joe. Well, I'll be— -Well, I'll be— Listen, Pal—you've got to get this money for me. Now. Minutes count. She's waiting for me in an auto camp outside of Philadelphia. I've got to get right back. You see, she doesn't know I'm gone. A guy can't propose to a girl without a cent in the world, can he? -Thanks, Pal. You saved my life. Okay, pete. -'Bye, Agnes. You're beautiful. All women are beautiful! Gordon is immediately electrified into action. Oh, boy! What a yarn! What a yarn! Get me Hank on the phone. Gotta hold up the morning edition. -Hello, Joe. Sorry. Just a little gag of mine. Thought I'd have some fun with you. Yeah. Sure. Had me going for a while. -Yeah. Sure. Had me going for a while. Wouldn't have made a bad story, would it? -Wouldn't have made a bad story, would it? Great! But that's the way things go. You think you got a swell yarn—then something comes along—messes up the finish—and there you are. -Great! But that's the way things go. You think you got a swell yarn—then something comes along—messes up the finish—and there you are. Yeah, where am I? -Yeah, where am I? When you sober up—come in and see me. -When you sober up—come in and see me. Thanks, Joe. -All I'm asking is enough gas to get me to New York. The bag's worth twenty-five dollars. Yeah, but I got a bag. My wife gave me one for Christmas. -Yeah, but I got a bag. My wife gave me one for Christmas. Listen, man—I'll tell you what I'll do. When I come back in the morning, I'll buy it back from you and give you ten dollars profit? What do you say? -Listen, man—I'll tell you what I'll do. When I come back in the morning, I'll buy it back from you and give you ten dollars profit? What do you say? ain't got a hat— -ain't got a hat— What? -What? I ain't got a hat. -I ain't got a hat. Well, you got one now. —Come on, fill 'er up. -Funny couple, ain't they? Yeah. -Yeah. If you ask me, I don't believe they're married. -If you ask me, I don't believe they're married. They're married all right. I just seen the license. -They're married all right. I just seen the license. They made me get 'em a rope and a blanket, on a night like this. -They made me get 'em a rope and a blanket, on a night like this. Yeah? -Yeah? What do you reckon that's for? -What do you reckon that's for? Blamed if I know. I just brung 'em a trumpet. -Blamed if I know. I just brung 'em a trumpet. A trumpet? -A trumpet? Yeah. You know, one of those toy things. They sent me to the store to get it. -Yeah. You know, one of those toy things. They sent me to the store to get it. But what in the world do they want a trumpet for? -But what in the world do they want a trumpet for? I dunno. -You send telegrams here? "I'm just fine thanks, and how are you? To ""Joe Gordon, care of New York Mail, New York. Am I laughing. The biggest scoop of the year just dropped in my lap. I know where Ellen Andrews is—"" No, do you really?" -"I'm just fine thanks, and how are you? To ""Joe Gordon, care of New York Mail, New York. Am I laughing. The biggest scoop of the year just dropped in my lap. I know where Ellen Andrews is—"" No, do you really?" Go on. Go on send the telegram. -Go on. Go on send the telegram. """How would you like to have the story, you big tub of—of—""" -"""How would you like to have the story, you big tub of—of—""" Mush. Mush. -Mush. Mush. """Tub of mush. Well try and get it. What I said about never writing another line for you still goes. Are you burning? Peter Warne."" Well, that will be $2.60." -"""Tub of mush. Well try and get it. What I said about never writing another line for you still goes. Are you burning? Peter Warne."" Well, that will be $2.60." Send it collect. -Send it collect. Collect? -Collect? Collect. -There you go—trustin' people again. How many times did I tell you— He looked like an upright young feller to me, Ma. -He looked like an upright young feller to me, Ma. Yeah. They're all upright till they walk out on you. -Yeah. They're all upright till they walk out on you. Said he was gonna stay a week. -Said he was gonna stay a week. Mebbe. -Mebbe. Worst comes to the worst, we got his car for security. -Worst comes to the worst, we got his car for security. I don't trust him. -I told you! I told you, you couldn't trust him! He's gone! Who? -Who? That feller last night, that's who! He was gonna stay a week, huh? Well, he's skipped. Took the car with him, too. We wouldn't have known a thing about it until morning if I hadn't took that magnesia. Come on, get up, don't lay there. Let's do something about it. -See that. They're gone! Looks like it, don't it? Here's the woman, ma. -Looks like it, don't it? Here's the woman, ma. Oh!! -Then—you'll have to git ! Yeah, you'll have to git . -Not a minute! Better start gettin' into your clothes. -Better start gettin' into your clothes. Yeah. -Yeah. Zeke. Git! -Zeke. Git! Yes, Ma. -Well, you're two up on me now. Hey, you! -Huh? There's a seat over there for you. -There's a seat over there for you. What's the idea? -What's the idea? I'd like to sit with my—uh—wife—if you don't mind. -I'd like to sit with my—uh—wife—if you don't mind. Wife? -Wife? Yeah. Come on—come on! -Yeah. Come on—come on! Oh, excuse me. I was just tryin'—you know—to make things pleasant. -What's up? Looks like we're going to be stuck for a long time. -Looks like we're going to be stuck for a long time. Say, Buddy– -Travelin' like this, you kinda lose track of what's goin' on in the world. Thanks. -Thanks. If you wanna get anywhere nowadays, you gotta keep in touch with all the news, is what I always say. -If you wanna get anywhere nowadays, you gotta keep in touch with all the news, is what I always say. That's right. -That's right. Take that story there, for instance. Be kinda sweet if we could collect that ten thousand smackers. -Take that story there, for instance. Be kinda sweet if we could collect that ten thousand smackers. Yeah—wouldn't it? -Yeah—wouldn't it? It's a lotta dough. If I was to run across that dame, you know what I'd do? -It's a lotta dough. If I was to run across that dame, you know what I'd do? What? -What? I'd go fifty-fifty with you . -I'd go fifty-fifty with you . Why? -Why? Cause I'm a guy that don't believe in hoggin' it, see? A bird that figures that way winds up behind the eight ball,[10] is what I always say. -Cause I'm a guy that don't believe in hoggin' it, see? A bird that figures that way winds up behind the eight ball,[10] is what I always say. What's on your mind? -What's on your mind? Five G's—or I crab the works. -Five G's—or I crab the works. You're a pretty shrewd baby. We better get away from this gang. Talk this thing over privately. -Lucky thing, my running into you. Just the man I need. You're not making any mistake, believe you me. -You're not making any mistake, believe you me. I can use a smart guy like you. -I can use a smart guy like you. Say listen, when you're talkin' to old man Shapeley, you're talking to— -Say listen, when you're talkin' to old man Shapeley, you're talking to— Do you pack a gat?[11] A CLOSE VIEW of the TWO shows the smile dying on Shapeley's face. He looks up quickly. -Do you pack a gat?[11] A CLOSE VIEW of the TWO shows the smile dying on Shapeley's face. He looks up quickly. Huh? -Huh? A gat! A gat! Got any fireworks on you? -A gat! A gat! Got any fireworks on you? Why—no— -Why—no— That's all right. I got a couple of machine guns in my suitcase. I'll let you have one of them. -"Yeah—the ""big boy""—the Boss of the outfit." You're not kidnapping her, are you? -You're not kidnapping her, are you? What else, stupid! You don't think we're after that penny-ante reward, do you? Ten thousand bucks? Chicken feed! We're holding her for a million smackers. -What else, stupid! You don't think we're after that penny-ante reward, do you? Ten thousand bucks? Chicken feed! We're holding her for a million smackers. Say, look! I didn't know it was anything like this, see—and— -Say, look! I didn't know it was anything like this, see—and— What's the matter with you! Gettin' yellow? -What's the matter with you! Gettin' yellow? But I'm a married man. I got a couple of kids. I can't get mixed up with— -But I'm a married man. I got a couple of kids. I can't get mixed up with— Sh-sh-sh—! Soft pedal, you mug!—before I— What're you trying to do? Tell the whole world about it! Now listen, you're in this thing—and you're staying in! Get me? You know too much. -Sh-sh-sh—! Soft pedal, you mug!—before I— What're you trying to do? Tell the whole world about it! Now listen, you're in this thing—and you're staying in! Get me? You know too much. I won't say anything. Honest, I won't. -I won't say anything. Honest, I won't. Yeah ?—How do I know? I gotta good mind to plug you. I shouldn't take any chances on you. -Yeah ?—How do I know? I gotta good mind to plug you. I shouldn't take any chances on you. You can trust me, Mister. I'll keep my mouth shut. -Where do you live? Orange, New Jersey. -Orange, New Jersey. Got a couple of kids, huh? -Got a couple of kids, huh? Yeah. Just babies. -Yeah. Just babies. You love them, don't you? -You love them, don't you? Oh, gee, Mister—you wouldn't—you ain't thinkin' about— -Oh, gee, Mister—you wouldn't—you ain't thinkin' about— You'll keep your trap shut, all right. -You'll keep your trap shut, all right. Sure—sure—I'll keep my trap shut. you can depend on me, Mister. -Sure—sure—I'll keep my trap shut. you can depend on me, Mister. If you don't—Ever hear of Bugs Dooley? -If you don't—Ever hear of Bugs Dooley? No. -No. Nice guy. Just like you. But he made a big mistake, one day. Got kind of talkative. Know what happened? His kid was found in the bottom of the river. A rock tied around its neck. Poor Bugs! He couldn't take it. Blew his brains out. -Gee! That musta been terrible. I guess he had it coming to him though. But don't you worry about me. I don't talk. I never talk. Take my word for it. Gee, I wouldn't want anything to happen to my kids. Okay. Just remember that. Now beat it. -Okay. Just remember that. Now beat it. Oh, thanks, thanks, Mister. I always knew you guys were kind-hearted. -Oh, thanks, thanks, Mister. I always knew you guys were kind-hearted. Come on, scram! And stay away from that bus. -Come on, scram! And stay away from that bus. Sure. Anything you say. -Boss, Oswald impersonators? Sounds like James Bond now. Al, you can't tell a mink from a coonskin unless you see the fur up close. Goddamn, Sam! If we don't start reading between the lines here! Y'all gotta start thinking on a different level - like the CIA does. We're through the looking glass. Here white is black and black is white. -If this is Oswald, it must be our third Oswald. The interesting thing is the extent to which the Warren Commission went to make him a Communist. They got almost 150 pages and 130 exhibits of the report on this Mexico trip and the picture doesn't even match. I'm beginning to think the point of the Mexican episode was to lay the blame at Castro's door. If Oswald, or someone purporting to be Oswald, had gotten into Cuba, come back, then killed the President, the American public once again would've screamed for a Cuban invasion... -Susie, watch the language, would you please. My instinct is that Ferrie is going to keep on deteriorating, and we'll end up getting more out of him when he finally cracks. If we call him now, he might freeze up and we could lose the best shot we've ever had. -I don't care if he was doing it with giraffes in the zoo, Numa, it's none of our business. Let's keep this side of it quiet, shall we? When you're in a war, boss, you use every weapon you got. -When you're in a war, boss, you use every weapon you got. Not one word. That's an order. -"The U.S. Attorney in Washington ""declines"" to serve our subpoena on Allen Dulles, Charles Cabell, CIA Director Richard Helms, or any FBI agent we named." Well, what do you expect from a pig but a grunt. -Well, what do you expect from a pig but a grunt. Without them, it's going to be near impossible, chief, to prove Shaw's connection to the CIA. We got the same problem with the governors. All of them. Reagan in California won't give us Brading, Ohio refuses Orville Townsend, Texas on Arcacha, and Nebraska on Sandra Moffet. -William Walter, the night clerk on duty here in the FBI office, gave me a copy of this. It went all over the country. Nothing was done, and the motorcade went ahead on schedule - and this wasn't even mentioned in the Warren Report! Read it, Al. """Threat to assassinate President Kennedy in Dallas, Texas, November 22-23. Information received by the Bureau has determined that a militant revolutionary group may attempt to assassinate President Kennedy on his proposed trip to Dallas, Texas, etc, etc...""" -Gentlemen, I will not hear this. I value Bill as much as anyone here. We all need to make room for someone else's ideas, Lou, especially me. Maybe Oswald is what everyone says he is and I'm just plain dumb wrong. I've seen him copying files, leaving here late at night. -Why you keep dancing on my head for, my man? We been thicker'n molasses pie since law school. Because you keep conning me, Dean. I read your testimony to the Warren Commission and... -Because you keep conning me, Dean. I read your testimony to the Warren Commission and... There you go. Grain of salt. Two sides to every coin. -There you go. Grain of salt. Two sides to every coin. "You tell them the day after the assassination you were called on the phone by this ""Clay Bertrand"" and asked to fly to Dallas and be Lee Oswald's layer." -"You tell them the day after the assassination you were called on the phone by this ""Clay Bertrand"" and asked to fly to Dallas and be Lee Oswald's layer." Right. -Right. Now that's pretty important, Dean. You also told the FBI when you met him, he was six foot two. Then you tell the Commission he was five foot eight. How the hell did the man shrink like that, Dean? -Now that's pretty important, Dean. You also told the FBI when you met him, he was six foot two. Then you tell the Commission he was five foot eight. How the hell did the man shrink like that, Dean? They put the heat on, my man, just like you're doing. I gave'em anything that popped into my cabeza. Truth is, I never met the dude. -Yeah, she was pretty, all right, but not half as cute as you, Deano. You shoulda tried a legitimate line of business. You can't ever say crime don't pay in Louisiana, Jim - only not as good as it used to. Good chowder, ain't it? -You can't ever say crime don't pay in Louisiana, Jim - only not as good as it used to. Good chowder, ain't it? When did you first do business with this Bertrand? -When did you first do business with this Bertrand? Oh, I first heard these street cats jiving about him back in '56, '57 when I lived down in the Quarter. -Oh, I first heard these street cats jiving about him back in '56, '57 when I lived down in the Quarter. Street cats? -Street cats? Swishes. They swish, y'know. Young fags, you know. They'd come into my bureau needing help, no bread, and I'd say, hey man, I ain't Rockefeller, who gonna back you up? These cornmuffins go to the phone and dial... -What was his voice like? You knew you weren't talking to some low life fag, you know. He had command of the king's English. -You knew you weren't talking to some low life fag, you know. He had command of the king's English. Did he pay? -Did he pay? Always - like tits on a pig. I wish I had a million of those bimbettes. -Always - like tits on a pig. I wish I had a million of those bimbettes. And Oswald? -And Oswald? Like I told to the Washington boys, Bertrand called that summer and asked me to help the kid upgrade his Marine discharge... -Like I told to the Washington boys, Bertrand called that summer and asked me to help the kid upgrade his Marine discharge... So you saw Oswald how many times? -So you saw Oswald how many times? Three, four. He came in with a few Cubano swishes one time I remember... -Recall any names? Mario, Jose - they wear names like you and I wear clothes. Today the name is Candy, tomorrow it's Butsie. I wish I could help you, Jim. -Mario, Jose - they wear names like you and I wear clothes. Today the name is Candy, tomorrow it's Butsie. I wish I could help you, Jim. Did you speak to Oswald in Dallas? -Did you speak to Oswald in Dallas? Hell, no! I told this Bertrand cat right off, this isn't my scene, man. I deal with muni court, I'm a hack in nigger town, that kid needs a hot dog. -Hell, no! I told this Bertrand cat right off, this isn't my scene, man. I deal with muni court, I'm a hack in nigger town, that kid needs a hot dog. Then how the hell did you get in the Warren Commission, Dean? Except through the phone records in the Dallas jail? -Then how the hell did you get in the Warren Commission, Dean? Except through the phone records in the Dallas jail? There were no phone records. -There were no phone records. Of course there weren't. 'Cause they disappeared. And yet the Commission found you, Dean. -Of course there weren't. 'Cause they disappeared. And yet the Commission found you, Dean. I don't know how they got to me. Maybe cause I repped him here. The Feebees run background checks. On my mama's breasts, man, that's all I got. There wasn't no conspiracy, Jim. If there were, why the hell didn't Bobby Kennedy prosecute it as Attorney General, he was his brother for Chrissake. How the fuck three people could keep a secret like that, I don't know. It was Oswald. He was a nut job. Faggot, y'know, hated this country. -All this blubbering over that sonofabitch! They're grieving like they knew the man. It makes me want to puke. God's sake, chief. The President was shot. -God's sake, chief. The President was shot. A bullshit President! I don't see any weeping for all the thousands of Cubans that bastard condemned to death and torture at the Bay of Pigs. Where are all the tears for the Russians and Hungarians and Chinese living like slaves in prison camps run by Kennedy's communist buddies - All these damned peace treaties! I'm telling ya Jack, that's what happens when you let the niggers vote. They get together with the Jews and the Catholics and elect an Irish bleeding heart. -A bullshit President! I don't see any weeping for all the thousands of Cubans that bastard condemned to death and torture at the Bay of Pigs. Where are all the tears for the Russians and Hungarians and Chinese living like slaves in prison camps run by Kennedy's communist buddies - All these damned peace treaties! I'm telling ya Jack, that's what happens when you let the niggers vote. They get together with the Jews and the Catholics and elect an Irish bleeding heart. Chief, maybe you had a little too much to drink. -Chief, maybe you had a little too much to drink. Bullshit! Bartender, another round... Here's to the New Frontier. Camelot in smithereens. I'll drink to that. -Well, the kid musta gone nuts, right? I said Oswald must've flipped. Just did this crazy thing before anyone could stop him, right? I think I'll cut out here, chief. I gotta get home. -I think I'll cut out here, chief. I gotta get home. Get home my ass. We're going to the office, have another drink. I want some company tonight. -Who'd ever thought that goofy Oswald kid would pull off a stunt like an assassination? Just goes to show, you can never know about some people. Am I right, Jack? Well, bless my soul. Your eyes are as red as two cherries, Jack. Don't tell me we have another bleeding heart here. Hell, all these years I thought you were on my side. Chief, sometimes I don't know whether you're kidding or not. -Chief, sometimes I don't know whether you're kidding or not. I couldn't be more serious, Jack. Those big red eyes have me wondering about your loyalty. -Who the hell opened my files! You've been looking through my private files, haven't you, you weasel? You may not like this, chief, but you're beginning to act paranoid. I mean, you really are. -You may not like this, chief, but you're beginning to act paranoid. I mean, you really are. You found out about Dave Ferrie going to Texas today and you went through all my files to see what was going on. You're a goddamn spy. -You found out about Dave Ferrie going to Texas today and you went through all my files to see what was going on. You're a goddamn spy. Goddammit chief, why would I ever need to look in your files? I saw enough here this summer to write a book. -Goddammit chief, why would I ever need to look in your files? I saw enough here this summer to write a book. I always lock my files. And you were the only one here today... What do you mean, you son of a bitch? -I always lock my files. And you were the only one here today... What do you mean, you son of a bitch? You know what I mean. I saw a lot of strange things going on in this office this summer. And a lotta strange people. -Maybe there's more to this, Susie. The CIA's keeping something from our enemies. Yes, but we're talking about a dead warehouse employee of no political significance. Three years later and he's still classified? They gave us his grammar school records, a study of his pubic hairs... Put it in context, Bill, of what we know about Oswald. Lonely kid, no father, unstable childhood, high school dropout - wants to grow up and be a spy, joins the Marines at 17. He learns Russian, he acts overtly Marxist with two other marines, but he's stationed at a top secret base in Japan where U2 spy flights over Russia originate. He's discharged from the Marines supposedly because his mother's sick. He stays home 3 days, then with a $1500 ticket from a $203 bank account, he goes to Moscow... -I don't know if it's coincidence, but Oswald had a top security clearance and knew about the U2 program from his days at Atsugi Air Base in Japan. Six months after he arrives in Russia, Francis Gary Powers' U2 spy flight goes down in Russia. That plane was untouchable. Powers hinted that Oswald could've given the Russians enough data to hit it. As a direct result, the peace summit between Khrushchev and Eisenhower failed. I can't help thinking of that book Seven Days In May, maybe someone in our military didn't want the Peace Conference to happen, maybe Oswald was part of that. It gets weirder. Susie, you're an assistant D.A., remember. Stick to what you can prove in court. -Susie, you're an assistant D.A., remember. Stick to what you can prove in court. You want facts, Bill? Okay. From 1945 to '59 only two U.S. soldiers defect to Russia. From '59 to '60, seven defect, six return, one of them another Marine a month before Oswald. All of them young men made to seem poor, disenchanted. -Who? Grab your socks and pull... Clay Bertrand is Clay Shaw... -Grab your socks and pull... Clay Bertrand is Clay Shaw... No!... Shaw! Director of The Trade Mart? This is incredible. -Or a cover up! Jesus, Bill, don't you have enough proof of the FBI's complicity now? Maybe I have a little more respect for this country's institutions than you do, Susie. You tell me how the hell you can keep a conspiracy going between the Mob, the CIA, FBI, and Army Intelligence and who knows what else, when you know you can't even keep a secret in this room between 12 people! We got leaks everywhere! We're going to trial here! What the hell do we really got? Oswald, Ruby, Banister, Ferrie are dead. Shaw - maybe he's an agent, I don't know, but as a covert operator in my book he's wide open for blackmail 'cause of his homosexuality. -Bill. Hey, where y'at, Frank? You're wasting your time here. Big Jim gave strict orders. No FBI allowed. -Hey, where y'at, Frank? You're wasting your time here. Big Jim gave strict orders. No FBI allowed. It's you I want to talk to, Bill. -It's you I want to talk to, Bill. Boss would fry me in hog fat if he knew... -Boss would fry me in hog fat if he knew... Your boss got a serious problem, Bill. Real serious. We know what's been going on at your office -Your boss got a serious problem, Bill. Real serious. We know what's been going on at your office Yeah, I guess you do. -Yeah, I guess you do. You've got nothin', Bill. I'm talking as a friend now. You're riding on the Titanic. Time to jump off before you get destroyed along with Garrison. -You've got nothin', Bill. I'm talking as a friend now. You're riding on the Titanic. Time to jump off before you get destroyed along with Garrison. Frank, I don't want to hear it. -Frank, I don't want to hear it. Senator Long set your boss up, my friend. -Who do you think fed him that information? Garrison's going down. We're talking your career here, Bill, your life. You're a young guy... we know you're working that Castro thing. No, I'm not... -No, I'm not... Yes, you are. Look we know Oswald didn't pull that trigger. Castro did. But if that comes out, there's gonna be a war, boy - millions of people are gonna die. That's a hell of a lot more important than Jim Garrison. Goddammit, look at me when I talk to you! You're too goddamn self- opinionated, now shut up. If you got a brain in that thick skull of yours, listen to me. Listen real hard. -Correct me if I'm wrong. I thought we were on the same side. What the hell business is it of theirs to say that? Pretty fast, wasn't it. The way they let him go. -What do you think, Lou? I'm just an investigator, Bill. I leave the theories to you lawyers. -I'm just an investigator, Bill. I leave the theories to you lawyers. You, Numa? -"It's addressed to no one and no signature. ""To leave this life is, for me, a sweet prospect. I find nothing in it that is desirable and on the other hand, everything that is loathsome.""" Pretty flowery for Dave Ferrie. -The fact is he's gone, chief, and so's our case. Not unless we go for Shaw now. -Not unless we go for Shaw now. With whose testimony? Willie O'Keefe? A male prostitute. Jack Martini? A drunk? Vernon Bundy? A dope fiend. Shaw's got respect, the newspaper editors, the American Bar Association - they're not... -Yeah. They were seen together in Clinton in early September. The Civil Rights Movement was running a voter registration drive. ...rumor is Shaw, a local boy, was working on some arms deal to discredit the civil rights movement. No one really knows what they were doing there, but everyone sure saw 'em. They stood out like cottonballs. I got whites and blacks saw 'em, but last time I checked there was nothing illegal with registering to vote. We still got the Negro junkie, Vernon Bundy, saw 'em talkin' at the seawall near Lake Pontchartrain. But it's tough, boss - no one wants to talk about Shaw. He's... -...rumor is Shaw, a local boy, was working on some arms deal to discredit the civil rights movement. No one really knows what they were doing there, but everyone sure saw 'em. They stood out like cottonballs. I got whites and blacks saw 'em, but last time I checked there was nothing illegal with registering to vote. We still got the Negro junkie, Vernon Bundy, saw 'em talkin' at the seawall near Lake Pontchartrain. But it's tough, boss - no one wants to talk about Shaw. He's... You know you keep saying that. -You know you keep saying that. Keep saying what? -Keep saying what? You're not digging. -Clay Bertrand? Sure I know him. He comes around the Quarter. Who is he, Joe? I've been to every bar, no one wants to talk. -Who is he, Joe? I've been to every bar, no one wants to talk. I told your uncle I never met a lawman who wasn't a punk. You too, Bill, even if you're family. He's a big shot businessman. I seen him on the TV news a lot with all the other big shots. A fag, you know. Goes by another name down here. -I told your uncle I never met a lawman who wasn't a punk. You too, Bill, even if you're family. He's a big shot businessman. I seen him on the TV news a lot with all the other big shots. A fag, you know. Goes by another name down here. What's the other name? -What's the other name? Shaw. Clay Shaw. -Shaw. Clay Shaw. Clay Bertrand is Clay Shaw? The guy who used to run the International Trade Mart? -Clay Bertrand is Clay Shaw? The guy who used to run the International Trade Mart? Yeah, what's the big mystery? Everybody down here knows the guy. -Yeah, what's the big mystery? Everybody down here knows the guy. So why does he call himself Bertrand? -So why does he call himself Bertrand? Who gives a shit what he calls himself? -Clay Bertrand, Willie? Yeah. Clay. I met him sometime in June of '62 at the Masquerade Bar. Dave Ferrie took me there, for the express reason to meet him. -Did he pay you for this? Twenty dollars each time. Hell, it's no secret. That's what I'm here for. -...there were about nine or ten people, Cubans, friends of Dave doing some stuff in the bush with him. Place was a mess. Dave's mind was a mess, Y'know he had all those mice cages around cause he's working on this cure for cancer... Dave's smart - real smart - speaks five languages, knows philosophy, medicine, military history, politics. He wanted to be a priest but they defrocked him 'cause he was queer... And that's where you met Oswald for the first time? -And that's where you met Oswald for the first time? Yeah, strange guy. Dave introduced him as... -Fuck, yes. Hell, I'm already in jail. I got no reason to lie to you. I ain't no nigger. Go on, Willie. -Go on, Willie. "...well the party got crazier and crazier, one of those, y'know ""beatnik"" type things." -Hold your horses. What kinda source? The anonymous kind, Chief. -Morning, boys. Ready for a walking tour? At 7:30 Sunday morning? It's not exactly fresh blood we're sniffing here, boss. -At 7:30 Sunday morning? It's not exactly fresh blood we're sniffing here, boss. Old stains, Bill, but just as telling. -What the hell's a Communist like Lee Oswald doing working out of Banister's? Y'ever heard of a double agent, Bill? I'm beginning to doubt Oswald was ever a Communist... after the arrest, 544 Camp Street never appeared on the pamphlets again. Now here's another one for you: What would you say if I told you Lee Oswald had been trained in the Russian language when he was a Marine? -Lord, wake me, please. I must be dreaming. No, you're awake, Bill, and I'm dead serious. And we're going to start by tracking down your anonymous source from three years ago. How did you find out Dave Ferrie drove to Texas that day? -Well, it's a terrific yard, Chief, but the man's an obvious alcoholic with a reputation lower than crocodile piss. Does that bother you, Bill? I always wondered in court why it is because a woman is a prostitute, she has to have bad eyesight. -Does that bother you, Bill? I always wondered in court why it is because a woman is a prostitute, she has to have bad eyesight. He'll never sign a statement, boss, let alone get on a witness stand. -He'll never sign a statement, boss, let alone get on a witness stand. When something's rotten in the land, Bill, it generally isn't just one fish, we'll get corroboration... find this Clay Bertrand. If I were a betting man, I'd give you 10 to 1 it's an alias. Start checking around the Quarter. -When something's rotten in the land, Bill, it generally isn't just one fish, we'll get corroboration... find this Clay Bertrand. If I were a betting man, I'd give you 10 to 1 it's an alias. Start checking around the Quarter. And the six of us, with almost no budget and in secret, are going to solve the case that the Warren Commission with dozens of support staff and millions of dollars couldn't solve. We can't keep up with the crimes in the Parish as it is, Chief. -And the six of us, with almost no budget and in secret, are going to solve the case that the Warren Commission with dozens of support staff and millions of dollars couldn't solve. We can't keep up with the crimes in the Parish as it is, Chief. The murder of a President, Bill, is a crime in Orleans Parish too. I didn't pick you because of your legal skill, you know. -The murder of a President, Bill, is a crime in Orleans Parish too. I didn't pick you because of your legal skill, you know. Gee, thanks boss. -I'm lost, boss. What are we saying here? We're saying that when Oswald went to Russia, he was not a real defector, that he was an intelligence agent on some kind of mission for our government and he remained one till the day he died, that's what we're saying. -We're saying that when Oswald went to Russia, he was not a real defector, that he was an intelligence agent on some kind of mission for our government and he remained one till the day he died, that's what we're saying. And therefore because Oswald pulled the trigger, the intelligence community murdered their own commander in chief. That's what you're saying! -And therefore because Oswald pulled the trigger, the intelligence community murdered their own commander in chief. That's what you're saying! I'll go you one better! Maybe Oswald didn't even pull the trigger, Bill. The nitrate test indicates he didn't even fire a rifle on November 22nd. And on top of that, they didn't even bother to check if the rifle had been fired that day. -I'll go you one better! Maybe Oswald didn't even pull the trigger, Bill. The nitrate test indicates he didn't even fire a rifle on November 22nd. And on top of that, they didn't even bother to check if the rifle had been fired that day. He had his palm print on the weapon. -He had his palm print on the weapon. "It went to the goddamn FBI and they didn't find a goddamn thing. It comes back a week later and one guy in the Dallas police department suddenly finds a palm print which for all I know he could've taken off Oswald at the morgue. There's no chain of evidence, Bill. And what about the tow guns actually seen in the Depository? One an Enfield photographed by a newsman and the other a Mauser, described by Deputy Weitzman... Maybe, just maybe, Lee Oswald was exactly what he said he was Bill - ""a patsy"". Take it at face value. Lou, Susie, I'm going with my gut here. He's got an alias of Hidell to buy the rifle, ""O.H. Lee"" to rent the room, right? What's in a name, right? In intelligence, they're assumed to be fake. A name is sort of like a postbox number, a code - several different people can use the same name, right? Then why can't somebody be using Oswald's name?" -But why? To frame him, obviously. You got to get in your minds how the hell spooks think, Bill! They're not ordinary crooks. -I still have to question what the legal basis is that supports this, boss. Susie's stuff is colorful, but... Let's start making some assumptions about the man. Why would he leave a path as big as Lee Harvey Oswald's? This is not a thin trail, gentlemen, it is a very wide one. Who found the evidence? Who set him up? Lou, Bill, Susie, I want you to go back and check all the sightings of Oswald in Dallas, New Orleans and Mexico in the summer and fall of '63 - see if it's the same guy. -Can you get some sworn statements? That's gonna be tough. Nobody's talking. -That's gonna be tough. Nobody's talking. I think we should have him in for a little talk. -"That's fine, Numa, but what about all the people who aren't writing letters. They're sitting home reading all these lies. I just heard NBC crew's in town to do a ""White Paper"" - not on the Kennedy killing, but on us. One of their top guys, Harry Stoner, is talking to everybody he can find about you, boss..." Oh Jesus, Stoner!... Why doesn't he call me? -Those bastards! That's proof enough right there of what we're up against. The whole goddamn Federal Government, Bill! Well, they offered you the carrot, and you turned it down... you know what's coming next, don't you, boss? -"Found another note, same thing, no name, no signature. ""When you receive this, I will be quite dead, so no answer will be possible. I offered you love. All I got in return in the end was a kick in the teeth.""" Jesus, they must've been hard pressed to come up with that one. -All right, all right. Break it up. Where you going, boss? -Where you going, boss? I don't know, Bill, I just don't know. -I don't buy it, chief - why would the FBI cover it up? You're talking the whole FBI here. A telex that disappears from every single FBI office in the country? There's a word - orders. -Shaw's our toehold, Bill. I don't know exactly what he is, where he fits, and I don't care. I do know he's lying through his teeth and I'm not gonna let go of him! So for those reasons, you're going to trial against Clay Shaw, chief? Well, you're gonna lose! We should be investigating all our Mafia leads here in New Orleans - Carlos Marcello, Santos Trafficante - I can buy that a hell of a lot easier than the Government. Ruby's all Mob, knows Oswald, sets him up. Hoffa - Trafficante - Marcello, they hire some guns and they do Kennedy and maybe the Government doesn't want to open up a whole can o'worms there because it used the Mob to get to Castro. Y'know, Castro being assassinated sounds pretty wild to John Q. Citizen. So they close the book on J.F.K. It makes sense to me. -So for those reasons, you're going to trial against Clay Shaw, chief? Well, you're gonna lose! We should be investigating all our Mafia leads here in New Orleans - Carlos Marcello, Santos Trafficante - I can buy that a hell of a lot easier than the Government. Ruby's all Mob, knows Oswald, sets him up. Hoffa - Trafficante - Marcello, they hire some guns and they do Kennedy and maybe the Government doesn't want to open up a whole can o'worms there because it used the Mob to get to Castro. Y'know, Castro being assassinated sounds pretty wild to John Q. Citizen. So they close the book on J.F.K. It makes sense to me. I don't doubt their involvement, Bill, but at a low level. Could the Mob change the parade route, Bill, or eliminate the protection for the President? Could the Mob send Oswald to Russia and get him back? Could the Mob get the FBI, the CIA, and the Dallas Police to make a mess of the investigation? Could the Mob appoint the Warren Commission to cover it up? Could the Mob wreck the autopsy? Could the Mob influence the national media to go to sleep? And since when has the Mob used anything but .38's for hits, up close? The Mob wouldn't have the guts or the power for something of this magnitude. Assassins need payrolls, orders, times, schedules. This was a military-style ambush from start to finish... a coup d'etat with Lyndon Johnson waiting in the wings. -I don't doubt their involvement, Bill, but at a low level. Could the Mob change the parade route, Bill, or eliminate the protection for the President? Could the Mob send Oswald to Russia and get him back? Could the Mob get the FBI, the CIA, and the Dallas Police to make a mess of the investigation? Could the Mob appoint the Warren Commission to cover it up? Could the Mob wreck the autopsy? Could the Mob influence the national media to go to sleep? And since when has the Mob used anything but .38's for hits, up close? The Mob wouldn't have the guts or the power for something of this magnitude. Assassins need payrolls, orders, times, schedules. This was a military-style ambush from start to finish... a coup d'etat with Lyndon Johnson waiting in the wings. Oh, now you're saying Lyndon Johnson was involved? The President of the United States? -I know this, Bill - Lyndon Johnson got $1 billion for his Texas friends, Brown and Root, to dredge Cam Ranh Bay for the military in Vietnam. That's just for openers. Boss, are you calling the President a murderer? -Boss, are you calling the President a murderer? If I'm so far from the truth, why is the FBI bugging our offices? Why are our witnesses being bought off and murdered? Why are Federal agencies blocking our extraditions and subpoenas when we were never blocked before? -If I'm so far from the truth, why is the FBI bugging our offices? Why are our witnesses being bought off and murdered? Why are Federal agencies blocking our extraditions and subpoenas when we were never blocked before? Maybe 'cause there's some rogue element in the Government! -With a full-blown conspiracy to cover it up? Y'ever read your Shakespeare, Bill? Yeah. -Yeah. "Julius Caesar: ""Brutus and Cassius, they too are honorable men."" Who killed Caesar? Twenty, twenty-five Senators. All it takes is one Judas, Bill - a few people, on the inside, Pentagon, CIA..." -"Julius Caesar: ""Brutus and Cassius, they too are honorable men."" Who killed Caesar? Twenty, twenty-five Senators. All it takes is one Judas, Bill - a few people, on the inside, Pentagon, CIA..." This is Louisiana, chief. How the hell do you know who your daddy is? 'Cause your momma told you so... You're way out there taking a crap in the wind, boss, and I for one ain't going along on this one. Jim sighs, saddened. Bill was one of his best men. -What's it look like, Nick? I don't see any violence, Jim. Heart attack, maybe an aneurysm. Looks like natural causes. -Nick, what would happen if a man suffering from hypertension were to take an entire bottle of Proloid? He'd die pretty quick, either a heart storm or a ruptured blood vessel in the brain. -He'd die pretty quick, either a heart storm or a ruptured blood vessel in the brain. Can you ascertain if there's Proloid in his system? -Can you ascertain if there's Proloid in his system? Not in a routine autopsy, but if we looked at the spinal fluid, there might be a high level of iodine, but it's difficult to know. Whatcha thinkin', Jim? -Not in a routine autopsy, but if we looked at the spinal fluid, there might be a high level of iodine, but it's difficult to know. Whatcha thinkin', Jim? Well, it doesn't make sense, Nick - he was afraid of dying, then he kills himself in a way that leaves no trace, but he leaves two unsigned suicide notes. -Well, it doesn't make sense, Nick - he was afraid of dying, then he kills himself in a way that leaves no trace, but he leaves two unsigned suicide notes. If it's a suicide, I seen weirder, Jim. -Mr. Goldberg, you claim you met David Ferrie and Clay Shaw while on a vacation here from your accounting business in New York, you had drinks and, under the influence discussed killing Kennedy, is that not so? I did. -I did. Why? -Why? Well, I wanted to make sure she's the same girl I sent. -Well, I wanted to make sure she's the same girl I sent. I see... and why are you experiencing this paranoia? -I see... and why are you experiencing this paranoia? Well, you see, I've been subject to hypnosis and psychological warfare ever since 1948, when I was in Korea... -...Oswald? No, I did not. -No, I did not. ...ever called Dean Andrews? -...ever called Dean Andrews? No, I did not. -No, I did not. ...and have you ever met David Ferrie? -...and have you ever met David Ferrie? No, I would not even know what he looked like except for the pictures I've been shown. -No, I would not even know what he looked like except for the pictures I've been shown. ...did you ever use the alias Clay Bertrand? -...did you ever use the alias Clay Bertrand? No, I did not. -No, I did not. Thank you... Mr. Shaw. -You know damn well who it is. Dave? -Dave? Yeah, you got it. Since you're the only straight shooter in that fuckin' office, I'd like an answer from you. Did you plant it? -Yeah, you got it. Since you're the only straight shooter in that fuckin' office, I'd like an answer from you. Did you plant it? Dave, do you think we're out of our minds? The whole building's been a zoo since that broke. We can't get a thing done. Reporters crawling everywhere. You think we want that? -Somebody planted that fucking story! And somebody tipped off the press I'm one of Garrison's fucking suspects. I can't go home. I'm out on the street. The maggots are everywhere! Do you know what you've done to me? It's all over the national news now. You know what you've done to me? Calm down, Dave, what? -Calm down, Dave, what? I'm a dead man! From here on, believe me, I'm a dead man. -I'm a dead man! From here on, believe me, I'm a dead man. What are you talking about, Dave? You weren't mentioned in the story. Don't jump to conclusions. -What are you talking about, Dave? You weren't mentioned in the story. Don't jump to conclusions. You think your investigation's been all that secret? You know, when you talk to people, they talk to other people. -You think your investigation's been all that secret? You know, when you talk to people, they talk to other people. What did they... -What did they... You still questioning any Cubans? -You still questioning any Cubans? Dave, you know that's where this road leads. -Dave, you know that's where this road leads. It leads farther than that. -It leads farther than that. Dave, just calm down. Meet me in the lobby of the Fontainbleau in 20 minutes. I'll have a suite reserved for you under an assumed name. -Dave, just calm down. Meet me in the lobby of the Fontainbleau in 20 minutes. I'll have a suite reserved for you under an assumed name. The Fontainbleau? 20 minutes? -The Fontainbleau? 20 minutes? Yeah. Come on, Dave, come on our side. I guarantee you the boss'll protect you... Dave? -Yeah. Come on, Dave, come on our side. I guarantee you the boss'll protect you... Dave? ...give me protection? -...give me protection? Yeah! He'd kill for you Dave. He likes you. Your mind. -Yeah! He'd kill for you Dave. He likes you. Your mind. I got no place to sleep. I'll meet you in 20 minutes. -I'm caught in the middle. They're after me. It's almost over. Listen, Dave, why don't we order some room service, have a bite, relax. I'll stay as long as you want. -Listen, Dave, why don't we order some room service, have a bite, relax. I'll stay as long as you want. I don't know who to trust anymore. Yeah, sure I could use a pot of hot coffee and a few packs of Camels. You got anything new in the investigation? -"Dave, I always play square. No bugs. I'd love you to go on the record, but I""m in no hurry. Whenever you're ready." I don't have much time. They don't even need bugs anymore. They got these fuckin' satellite waves. They put a bug in a friend of mine when he was born, right up his nostrils, subcutaneous, between his eyes. He was one of those products of a crossbreading experiment. A Nazi rocket scientist father and a Commie spy mother. You'd never believe half the shit the Agency does. I'm so fuckin' tired. Haven't slept since that shit article came out. Why'd you guys have to go and get me involved with this? -I don't have much time. They don't even need bugs anymore. They got these fuckin' satellite waves. They put a bug in a friend of mine when he was born, right up his nostrils, subcutaneous, between his eyes. He was one of those products of a crossbreading experiment. A Nazi rocket scientist father and a Commie spy mother. You'd never believe half the shit the Agency does. I'm so fuckin' tired. Haven't slept since that shit article came out. Why'd you guys have to go and get me involved with this? Did we involve you, Dave, or did Clay Shaw? -Did we involve you, Dave, or did Clay Shaw? That cocksuckin' faggot! He's got me by the balls. -That cocksuckin' faggot! He's got me by the balls. What do you mean? -What do you mean? "Photographs - compromising stuff. And he'll use 'em. The Agency plays for keeps... I knew Oswald. He was in my Civil Air Patrol unit. I taught him everything. A ""wanna be,"" y'know, nobody really liked him cause he was a snitch. I treated him good. He'd talk about his kid, y'know, really wanted her to grow up with a chance, but... He got a raw deal. The Agency fucked him. Just like they're gonna fuck me." -What about the mob, Dave? How do they figure in this? "They're Agency, too. Don't you get it? CIA and Mafia together. Trying to whack out the Beard. Mutual interests. They been doing it for years. There's more to this than you dream. FBI fucking hates the CIA. Navy Intelligence got something to do with it too. Check out ""Alan Pope"" in Miami. Jack Youngblood. Bill Harvey. Colonel Roselli. The shooter, I hear, was a Dallas cop - the bagman at Ruby's club. I heard he shot his own partner. Got that? Check out the rich fucks in Dallas. H.L. Hunt. He's dirty. That's all I know. But the Agency always runs the show. Check out something called ""Mongoose"" Operation Mongoose. Government, Pentagon stuff, they're in charge, but who the fuck pulls whose chain who the fuck knows, fun 'n' games man - check out Southeast Asia - that's the next big number - the heroin trail. ""Oh, what a deadly web we weave when we practice to deceive.""" -Come in, Dave. Have a seat, make yourself comfortable. Coffee? Do you remember me, Mr. Garrison? I met you on Carondolet Street right after your election. I congratulated you, remember? -Do you remember me, Mr. Garrison? I met you on Carondolet Street right after your election. I congratulated you, remember? How could I forget? You make quite a first impression. Sharon, could you please bring us some coffee? I've heard over the years you're quite a first-rate pilot, Dave. Legend has it you can get in and out of any field, no matter how small... I'm a bit of a pilot myself, you know. Flew grasshoppers for the field artillery in the war. -Do you mind if I smoke, Mr. Garrison? How could I? Dave, as you know, President Kennedy was assassinated on Friday. A man named Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested as a suspect and then was murdered yesterday by a man named Jack Ruby. We've heard reports that Oswald spent the summer in New Orleans and we've been advised you knew Oswald pretty well. -How could I? Dave, as you know, President Kennedy was assassinated on Friday. A man named Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested as a suspect and then was murdered yesterday by a man named Jack Ruby. We've heard reports that Oswald spent the summer in New Orleans and we've been advised you knew Oswald pretty well. That's not true. I never met anybody named Oswald. Anybody who told you that has to be crazy. -That's not true. I never met anybody named Oswald. Anybody who told you that has to be crazy. But you are aware, he served in your Civil Air Patrol unit when he was a teenager. -But you are aware, he served in your Civil Air Patrol unit when he was a teenager. No... if he did, I don't remember him. There were lots of kids in and out... y'know. -No... if he did, I don't remember him. There were lots of kids in and out... y'know. I'm sure you've seen this. Perhaps you knew this man under another name? -I'm sure you've seen this. Perhaps you knew this man under another name? No, I never saw him before in my life. -No, I never saw him before in my life. Well that must've been mistaken information we got. Thanks for straightening it out for us. There is one other matter that's come up, Dave. We were told you took a trip to Texas shortly after the assassination of Friday. -Well that must've been mistaken information we got. Thanks for straightening it out for us. There is one other matter that's come up, Dave. We were told you took a trip to Texas shortly after the assassination of Friday. Yeah, now that's true. I drove to Houston. -Yeah, now that's true. I drove to Houston. What was so appealing about Houston? -What was so appealing about Houston? I hadn't been there ice skating in many years, and I had a couple of young friends with me, and we decided we wanted to go ice skating. -I hadn't been there ice skating in many years, and I had a couple of young friends with me, and we decided we wanted to go ice skating. Dave, may I ask why the urge to go ice skating in Texas happened to strike you during one of the most violent thunderstorms in recent memory? -Dave, may I ask why the urge to go ice skating in Texas happened to strike you during one of the most violent thunderstorms in recent memory? Oh, it was just a spur of the moment thing... the storm wasn't that bad. -Oh, it was just a spur of the moment thing... the storm wasn't that bad. I see. And where did you drive? -I see. And where did you drive? We went straight to Houston, and then Saturday night we drove to Galveston and stayed over there. -We went straight to Houston, and then Saturday night we drove to Galveston and stayed over there. Why Galveston? -Why Galveston? No particular reason. Just to go somewhere. -No particular reason. Just to go somewhere. And then Sunday? -And then Sunday? In the morning we went goose hunting. Then headed home, but I dropped the boys off to see some relatives and I stayed in Hammond. -In the morning we went goose hunting. Then headed home, but I dropped the boys off to see some relatives and I stayed in Hammond. Did you bag any geese on this trip? -Did you bag any geese on this trip? I believe the boys got a couple. -I believe the boys got a couple. But the boys told us they didn't get any. -But the boys told us they didn't get any. Oh yes, well, come to think of it, they're right. We got to where the geese were and there were thousands of them. But you couldn't approach them. They were a wise bunch of birds. -Oh yes, well, come to think of it, they're right. We got to where the geese were and there were thousands of them. But you couldn't approach them. They were a wise bunch of birds. Your young friends also told us you had no weapons in the car. Dave, isn't it a bit difficult to hunt for geese without a shotgun? -Your young friends also told us you had no weapons in the car. Dave, isn't it a bit difficult to hunt for geese without a shotgun? Yes, now I remember, Mr. Garrison. I'm sorry, I got confused. We got out there near the geese and it was only then we realized we'd forgotten our shotguns. Stupid, right? So of course we didn't get any geese. -Yes, now I remember, Mr. Garrison. I'm sorry, I got confused. We got out there near the geese and it was only then we realized we'd forgotten our shotguns. Stupid, right? So of course we didn't get any geese. I see. Dave thank you for your time. I'm sorry it has to end inconveniently for you, but I'm going to have you detained for further questioning by the FBI. -I see. Dave thank you for your time. I'm sorry it has to end inconveniently for you, but I'm going to have you detained for further questioning by the FBI. Why? What's wrong? -Why? What's wrong? Dave, I find your story simply not believable. -Leon's in a bad mood, don't get excited, he's all right. "Would you say this ""Leon"" was actually Lee Harvey Oswald?" -You mean about the Cubans getting trained north of the lake? Oh, you got that? Banister's pet project. Getting paid by the government to work against the government. Beautiful. What a mind he had, what a guy, Guy. He had all those files. -Oh, you got that? Banister's pet project. Getting paid by the government to work against the government. Beautiful. What a mind he had, what a guy, Guy. He had all those files. Who was paying you, Dave? -Who was paying you, Dave? You think I was a getaway pilot for the assassination, don't you? -You think I was a getaway pilot for the assassination, don't you? I don't know. Were you? Who you scared of, Dave? -I don't know. Were you? Who you scared of, Dave? Everybody! The Agency. The Mob. The Cubans. Yeah, follow the Cubans. Check them out. Here, in Dallas, Miami. Check out a guy named Eladio del Valle. My paymaster when I flew missions into Cuba - he's somewhere in Miami. You're on the right track. -Let me get this straight, now. Clay Shaw is blackmailing you? Fuckin' A. How do you think the Agency gets people to do their bullshit? Fuck knows what they got on Oswald! -Was it the same Oswald, Dave, that was in Dallas, or was it an impersonator. Same one. I didn't know no impersonator. -Did you take a good look at the TV when they had Oswald? Black, black - just give it to me. Shit. I'm so exhausted. My neck is killing me. I've got cancer. Had it for years. I been working with mice, y'know, trying to come up with a cure. -Black, black - just give it to me. Shit. I'm so exhausted. My neck is killing me. I've got cancer. Had it for years. I been working with mice, y'know, trying to come up with a cure. Dave, can I just ask you this directly? Did you ever work for the CIA? -Dave, can I just ask you this directly? Did you ever work for the CIA? You make it sound like some remote fuckin' experience in ancient history. Man, you never leave the Agency. Once they got you, you're in for life. -You make it sound like some remote fuckin' experience in ancient history. Man, you never leave the Agency. Once they got you, you're in for life. And Shaw? -And Shaw? "Shaw's an ""untouchable"", man - highest clearance. Shaw, Oswald, the Cubans - all Agency." -"Shaw's an ""untouchable"", man - highest clearance. Shaw, Oswald, the Cubans - all Agency." What about Ruby? -What about Ruby? Jack? Jack was a pimp. A bagman in Dallas for the Mob. He used to run guns to Castro when he was still on our side. Check out Jack Youngblood. Shit - we almost had Castro. Then we tried to whack him. Everybody's flipping sides all the time. It's fun 'n' games, man fun 'n' games. -Then who killed the President? Oh man, why don't you stop. This is too fuckin' big for you! Who did Kennedy? It's a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma. Even the shooters don't fuckin' know! Don't you get it yet? I can't be talking like this. They're gonna kill me. I'm gonna die! I don't know what happened. All I wanted in the world was to be a Catholic priest - live in a monastery, study ancient Latin manuscripts, pray, serve God. But I had this one terrible, fatal weakness. They defrocked me. And then I started to lose everything. -Shit! Forgot to glue this fuckin' rug today. You know, at one time I even had a full head of hair like everyone else. And then I lost that. That fuckin' Clay Shaw. I hate the bastard. All I got left is in his rotten, bloody hands. He tipped the newspapers - I know it. That's how the Agency works. They use people, chew them up, spit 'em out. Now it's my turn. Dave, it's going to be okay. Just talk to us on the record and we'll protect you. I guarantee it. -They'll get to you, too - they'll destroy you... They're untouchable, man... I'm so fucking exhausted I can't see straight. Get some rest, Dave, and you'll feel better in the morning. We'll talk then. -Get some rest, Dave, and you'll feel better in the morning. We'll talk then. Yeah, yeah. But leave me alone for awhile. I got to make some calls. -Colonel Finck, are you saying someone told you not to dissect the neck? I was told that the family wanted examination of the head. -I was told that the family wanted examination of the head. As a pathologist it was your obligation to explore all possible causes of death, was it not? -As a pathologist it was your obligation to explore all possible causes of death, was it not? I had the cause of death. -I had the cause of death. Your Honor, I would ask you to direct the witness to answer my question. Why did Colonel Finck not dissect the track of the bullet wound in the neck? -Your Honor, I would ask you to direct the witness to answer my question. Why did Colonel Finck not dissect the track of the bullet wound in the neck? Well I heard Dr. Humes stating that - he said... -I don't remember his name. You must understand it was quite crowded, and when you are called in circumstances like that to look at the wound of the President who is dead, you don't look around too much to ask people for their names and who they are. But you were a qualified pathologist. Was this Army general a qualified pathologist? -But you were a qualified pathologist. Was this Army general a qualified pathologist? No. -No. But you took his orders. He was directing the autopsy. -But you took his orders. He was directing the autopsy. No, because there were others. There were admirals. -No, because there were others. There were admirals. There were admirals. -There were admirals. Oh yes, there were admirals - and when you are a lieutenant colonel in the Army you just follow orders, and at the end of the autopsy we were specifically told - as I recall it was Admiral Kenney, the Surgeon General of the Navy - we were specifically told not to discuss the case. -I'm going to have to ask the jury to leave the courtroom. What? -Jesus, Ed, from time immemorial it's been standard booking procedure to ask an alias. You know that. There's no constitutional requirement that says a lawyer has to be present for routine questions. I call'em as I see'em, Jim. I'm ruling it inadmissible. -I call'em as I see'em, Jim. I'm ruling it inadmissible. That's our case! -That's our case! If that's your case, you didn't have a case. I wouldn't believe whatever Habighorst said, anyway. -If that's your case, you didn't have a case. I wouldn't believe whatever Habighorst said, anyway. I can't believe you're saying this in the courtroom. -I can't believe you're saying this in the courtroom. Well, I am saying it. Bring in the jury. -Daddy said it was all right if I was real quiet. Sure it is. Freckle Face, if I ever handled a minor felon like that, it'd be all over the papers. I'd catch hell. And this is the alleged murderer of the President? -Dad, look what I drew. That's something, Jasper. What is it? -That's something, Jasper. What is it? A rhinoceros. Can I stay up another hour? -Daddy! Where have you been? Hi, Freckle Face. -Are we going away, Daddy? Well, it looks like it, Jasper. -Well, it looks like it, Jasper. Because of Kennedy? Are the same people gonna kill us, Daddy? -Because of Kennedy? Are the same people gonna kill us, Daddy? No, Jasper, nobody's gonna kill us. -I'm scared. There's nothing wrong with feeling a little scared, Jasper, Virginia. Telling the truth can be a scary thing. It scared President Kennedy, but he was a brave man. If you let yourself be too scared, then you let the bad guys take over the country, don't you - and then everybody gets scared. -He asked me why I thought I was in danger and I said: Well if they can kill the President, they can certainly get me. -Well if they can kill the President, they can certainly get me. That doesn't make sense, Mrs. Hill. We have the man that killed the President. -That doesn't make sense, Mrs. Hill. We have the man that killed the President. No, you don't! -No, you don't! He kept trying to get me to change my story about the shots. He was getting hot under the collar, and telling the woman not to write when he wanted. -He kept trying to get me to change my story about the shots. He was getting hot under the collar, and telling the woman not to write when he wanted. Look, do you want the truth, or just what you want me to say? -Look, do you want the truth, or just what you want me to say? I want the truth. -I want the truth. The truth is that I heard between four and six shots. I'm not going to lie for you. -The truth is that I heard between four and six shots. I'm not going to lie for you. ...you heard echoes. -...you heard echoes. No. I had guns all my life. I used to go turtle shooting. -No. I had guns all my life. I used to go turtle shooting. I realize you're under a great deal of stress .. it's clouded your judgement. -I realize you're under a great deal of stress .. it's clouded your judgement. So off the record, he starts talking about my family, and even mentioned my marriage was in trouble like I didn't know it or something. He got angrier and angrier and then: -So off the record, he starts talking about my family, and even mentioned my marriage was in trouble like I didn't know it or something. He got angrier and angrier and then: Look, we can put you in a mental institution. We can make you look crazier'n Marguerite Oswald, and everybody knows how crazy she is. -Look, we can put you in a mental institution. We can make you look crazier'n Marguerite Oswald, and everybody knows how crazy she is. I knew something was crooked as a dog's hind leg, 'cause no one who is just taking a deposition gets that involved and angry... sure enough, when I finally read my testimony as published by the Warren Commission, it was a fabrication from start to finish. -These new people never identified themselves. They musta been watching the whole thing 'cause they knew everything Mary and me had been doing that day. I guess I wasn't too hard to find - wearing that red raincoat. How many shots you say you heard? -How many shots you say you heard? Four to six. -Four to six. That's impossible. You heard echoes ...echoes. We have three bullets and three shots which came from the Book Depository and that's all we're willing to say. -That's impossible. You heard echoes ...echoes. We have three bullets and three shots which came from the Book Depository and that's all we're willing to say. ...which is strange 'cause this is less than 20 minutes after the assassination. -...which is strange 'cause this is less than 20 minutes after the assassination. No, I saw a guy shooting from over there. He was behind that fence. What are you going to do about it? -No, I saw a guy shooting from over there. He was behind that fence. What are you going to do about it? We have that taken care of. You only heard three shots and you are not to talk to anyone about this. No one, you hear? -We have that taken care of. You only heard three shots and you are not to talk to anyone about this. No one, you hear? I was scared. It was all kinda queer, but it sure felt like two and two was coming up three... and then they took Mary's five snapshots from me, sent them to Washington, and when they returned them weeks later, two of them had the backgrounds mutilated... The only one we saved was in Mary's camera. I didn't want to go to Washington when the Warren Commission subpoenaed me... so the lawyer come down here and interviewed me at Parkland Hospital. -If we go to him our investigation'll hit the front pages by sunrise. Blow up right in our face. Ruby was just given a new trial. If he has something to say, it'll be there. Susie, what did you find out on Oswald? Negative on his tax records. Classified. First time I know a D.A. can't get a tax record. I put together a list of all the CIA files on Oswald that were part of the Warren Report and asked for them. There are about 1200 documents... Oswald in the USSR, in Mexico City, Oswald and the U2, a CIA 201 personnel file, a memo from the Director on Oswald, travel and activities - can't get one of them. All classified as secret on the grounds of national security. It's real strange. -Finally they shuttle him to a radio factory in Minks where he lives as high on the hog as he ever has - he's given 5,000 rubles, a roomy apartment with a balcony, has affairs with local girls. Makes sense - he's a spokesman. -Makes sense - he's a spokesman. But he never writes, speaks, or does any propaganda for the Russians. He meets Marina, whose uncle is a colonel in Soviet intelligence, at a trade union dance; she thinks he's Russian the way he speaks, six weeks later they marry, have a daughter. -Don't get sidetracked! How does he get back to the States? That's the point. Does he have any problems? None! The State Department issues him a new passport in 48 hours and loans him the money to travel. He's never investigated or charged by the Navy for revealing classified information or, as far as we know, debriefed by the CIA. -None! The State Department issues him a new passport in 48 hours and loans him the money to travel. He's never investigated or charged by the Navy for revealing classified information or, as far as we know, debriefed by the CIA. This is a man whose secrets cause us to change our radar patterns in the Pacific! He should've been prosecuted as a traitor! -This is a man whose secrets cause us to change our radar patterns in the Pacific! He should've been prosecuted as a traitor! The FBI finally gets around to talking to him in Dallas and runs a file on him as a miscreant Communist type. -The FBI finally gets around to talking to him in Dallas and runs a file on him as a miscreant Communist type. But who meets him when he gets off the boat in New York in June '62? -Spas T. Raikin, a leading member of an anti-Communist group. And Marina? Does she have a problem getting out? -And Marina? Does she have a problem getting out? None either. It's bizarre. It's next to impossible to get Russian sweethearts out. Nor does Lee have any problem getting a new passport when he wants to go to Cuba and Russia in '63. A man who has defected once already. It's crazy. -None either. It's bizarre. It's next to impossible to get Russian sweethearts out. Nor does Lee have any problem getting a new passport when he wants to go to Cuba and Russia in '63. A man who has defected once already. It's crazy. Dammit, it doesn't add up! Ordinary people get blacklisted for leftist affiliations! The State Department did everything short of dispatching a destroyer to Minks to insure Oswald's return. Only intelligence people can come and go like that. -The next thing we know he's living in Dallas/Ft. Worth in October '62 working 6 months at Jaggars-Chiles- Stovall, a photographic firm that contracts to make maps for the U.S. Army... He starts work only days before the government reveals Russian missiles in Cuba and the crisis explodes. Oswald may have had access to missile site footage obtained by the U2 planes and works alongside a young man who'd been in the Army Security Agency. Sort of like Benedict Arnold coming back to George Washington's cabinet. -Sort of like Benedict Arnold coming back to George Washington's cabinet. Equally incongruous is Oswald becoming chummy with the White Russian community of Dallas - all rabid anti- Communists. -The Oswalds are introduced by George de Mohrenschildt to Janet and Bill Williams. It's through Janet Williams in October '63 that Lee gets the warehouse job, right smack on Elm Street at the Book Depository, which is owned by another oilman with ties to defense and military intelligence. Presumably so he can now exercise his intellect stacking school texts at $1.25 an hour. -All I can find out about the Williams' is their tax returns are classified and that Bill Williams, a descendant of the Cabots of Massachusetts, has links through his family and United Fruit to the CIA and does classified work for Bell Helicopter which requires a security clearance - so what is Oswald, a defector, doing visiting his wife in his house? Williams has a relationship at Bell with General Walter Dornberger, another one of the Nazis we brought in after the War for our missile program. He used slave labor to build the V-2 Rockets for Hitler before Bell needed him. "I wonder about the Williams'. Just where did the first description of Oswald come from at 12:44? No one knows. They claimed it was Brennan's, but his description came after 1 P.M. Who called? Somehow the FBI's been tapping the Williams' and picks up a call between Bell Helicopter and Janet's phone, an unidentified voice saying ""We both know who's responsible."" Who called? Why's the Bureau been tapping them?" -"...now it gets positively spooky. In January, 1961 - in New Orleans, at the Bolton Ford Dealership - when the Oswald we know is in Russia - there is a man using the name ""Oswald"" to buy trucks for the Friends of Democratic Cuba. The salesman never saw him again, but guess who's on the articles of incorporation of the Friends of Democratic Cuba? Guy Banister. Banister has someone using the name ""Oswald"" to buy the trucks. Hoover, at the FBI, writes a memo dated June, 1960, that there could be someone using Oswald's passport and identity." "Goddamn! They put Oswald together from Day One! Like some dummy corporation in the Bahamas - you just move him around a board. Sent him to Russia, in and out, no passport problems. You got the word ""microdots"" in his notebook, you got the Minox camera and the electronic devices they find in his possessions, the sealed DIZ201 personnel file. For all we know, there could be a dozen Oswalds in different cities, countries - all of them leaving a trail of incriminating evidence that could easily be traced to a scapegoat after the assassination. Does the real Oswald know he's been put together? Who knows. It doesn't matter, does it? He's a low level spy, he doesn't know who he really works for..." -I don't believe it! Bugging the District Attorney's office of New Orleans! It's outrageous! -I think Clinton is a breakthrough. Shaw denies he knows Ferrie or Oswald. Is that right? It proves he's a liar. Keep on it, Bill. This is interesting - are you ready for this? Oswald went to see the FBI two weeks before the assassination. It seems Special Agent Hosty made three routine visits to his house, supposedly to keep an eye on Marina Oswald. -Aren't you being a little hard? No, I don't think I am, Susie. Anyone else? -I'm sorry. I know. -I'm not sure I understand. Well... in an investigation we're conducting your name has come up a number of times. -Well... in an investigation we're conducting your name has come up a number of times. I wouldn't imagine where. -I wouldn't imagine where. We recently talked to a number of men who claim to know you. Are you acquainted with a David Logan? -We recently talked to a number of men who claim to know you. Are you acquainted with a David Logan? No. Never heard of him. -No. Never heard of him. A Perry Russo? -A Perry Russo? No. -No. A Willie O'Keefe? -A Willie O'Keefe? No, I don't believe I know anyone by that name. -No, I don't believe I know anyone by that name. Mr. O'Keefe told us he met you at the Masquerade Bar down in the Quarter and several evenings later you had him over for dinner at your apartment on Dauphine Street. Do you recall that? -Perhaps a few more details about the evening will refresh your memory. Mr. O'Keefe told us dinner was served by a uniformed waiter - a colored man. He particularly remembers that you sat at one end and he at the other - which he found rather unusual because the table was so long. Does that bring back memories of Willie O'Keefe? Not at all. But on the other hand, I do have a lovely Chippendale dining table and I often have a friend over sitting at one end while I sit at the other. That is precisely the point of a long dining table. The splendor of the meal adds to the enjoyment of it. -Not at all. But on the other hand, I do have a lovely Chippendale dining table and I often have a friend over sitting at one end while I sit at the other. That is precisely the point of a long dining table. The splendor of the meal adds to the enjoyment of it. I would imagine a uniformed waiter helps. -I would imagine a uniformed waiter helps. "It adds a taste of elegance for which I must confess a weakness for now and then. I call him Smedley. His real name is Frankie Jenkins - but I could hardly imagine anything more uncouth during dinner than my turning toward the kitchen and hollering ""Frankie!"" .. Where is this leading to, Mr. Garrison?" -After dinner you paid him to have sex with you. Pffft! Absolute nonsense. The Quarter is filled with vivid imaginations, my dear Mr. Garrison - grimy young hoodlums who'll say and do anything. As you well know. -Pffft! Absolute nonsense. The Quarter is filled with vivid imaginations, my dear Mr. Garrison - grimy young hoodlums who'll say and do anything. As you well know. ...in the course of that night, Mr. O'Keefe said a man named David Ferrie stopped by the house... along with another young man... -Who? David Ferrie. -David Ferrie. No. I have never known anyone by that name. Of course never having met Mr. O'Keefe I could hardly have met Mr. Ferrie... -No. I have never known anyone by that name. Of course never having met Mr. O'Keefe I could hardly have met Mr. Ferrie... ...and that the four of you partied early into the morning hours... -Let me show you his picture. No. I'm sure I've never met anyone of such a bizarre appearance. -No. I'm sure I've never met anyone of such a bizarre appearance. Does the name Clay Bertrand mean anything to you? -Does the name Clay Bertrand mean anything to you? Clay Bertrand? Clay Bertrand? I believe there was a man with a name similar to that who worked at the Chamber of Commerce. Is that the man you had in mind? -Clay Bertrand? Clay Bertrand? I believe there was a man with a name similar to that who worked at the Chamber of Commerce. Is that the man you had in mind? No, it was not. Do you know an attorney by the name of Dean Andrews? -No, it was not. Do you know an attorney by the name of Dean Andrews? One meets so many attorneys in my business. No, I don't believe I know Dean Andrews. -Mr. Shaw, can you identify this man? Naturally. Are you claiming, Mr. Garrison, that Mr. Oswald also had dinner with me? -Naturally. Are you claiming, Mr. Garrison, that Mr. Oswald also had dinner with me? Mr. Shaw, did you ever meet Lee Harvey Oswald? -Mr. Shaw, did you ever meet Lee Harvey Oswald? You really have me consorting with a cast of sordid characters, don't you, Mr. Garrison. -You really have me consorting with a cast of sordid characters, don't you, Mr. Garrison. Please answer the question. -Please answer the question. Of course not! Such a pity, that assassination. In fact, I admired President Kennedy. A man with true panache, and a wife with impeccable taste. -Mr. Shaw, this is an Italian newspaper article saying you were a member of the Board of Centro Mondo Commerciale in Italy, that this company was a creature of the CIA for the transfer of funds in Italy for illegal political-espionage activities. It says that this company was expelled from Italy for those activities. I'm well aware of this asinine article. And I am thinking very seriously of suing this rag of a newspaper. -I'm well aware of this asinine article. And I am thinking very seriously of suing this rag of a newspaper. It says that this company has heavily Fascist ties to the French secret army organization that tried to assassinate de Gaulle in 1960. -It says that this company has heavily Fascist ties to the French secret army organization that tried to assassinate de Gaulle in 1960. Nonsense. What next? -Nonsense. What next? ...and that this company is linked to the Schlumber tool company here in Houma, Louisiana - which is where their arms may have come from to David Ferrie and his Cubans... -...and that this company is linked to the Schlumber tool company here in Houma, Louisiana - which is where their arms may have come from to David Ferrie and his Cubans... Mr. Garrison, you're reaching. I am an international businessman. The Trade Mart which I founded is America's commercial pipeline to Latin America. I trade everywhere. I am accused, as are all businessmen, of all things. I somehow go about my business, make money, help society the best I can and try to promote free trade in this world. -Mr. Garrison, you're reaching. I am an international businessman. The Trade Mart which I founded is America's commercial pipeline to Latin America. I trade everywhere. I am accused, as are all businessmen, of all things. I somehow go about my business, make money, help society the best I can and try to promote free trade in this world. Mr. Shaw, have you ever been a contract agent with the Central Intelligence Agency? -And if I was, Mr. Garrison... do you think I would be here today... talking to somebody like you? No, people like you don't have to, I guess - people like you walk between the raindrops. -No, people like you don't have to, I guess - people like you walk between the raindrops. May I go? Regardless of what you may think of me, Mr. Garrison, I am a patriot first and foremost. -May I go? Regardless of what you may think of me, Mr. Garrison, I am a patriot first and foremost. I've spent half my life in the United States military serving and defending this great country, Mr. Shaw, and you're the first person I ever met who considered it an act of patriotism to kill his own president. -I've spent half my life in the United States military serving and defending this great country, Mr. Shaw, and you're the first person I ever met who considered it an act of patriotism to kill his own president. Now just a minute, sir! You're way out of line! -In the sheriff's report, Mrs. Mercer, it says you were at Dealey Plaza two hours before the assassination but that... Yes, it was about 11 in the morning. I was driving west on Elm Street toward the Triple Underpass, in a rented car - a blue Valiant. I'll never forget that day. -You mean you identified him on Saturday, the day before Ruby shot Oswald? "That's right. When I saw him on TV, I was shocked. I said to my family, ""that was the man I saw in the truck.""" -"That's right. When I saw him on TV, I was shocked. I said to my family, ""that was the man I saw in the truck.""" But you didn't seem nearly so sure in your statement to the Warren Commission. -But you didn't seem nearly so sure in your statement to the Warren Commission. That's what bothers me, Mr. Garrison. You see, they've been altered. My statements... -"This says ""Mercer could not identify any of the photographs as being identical with the person she had observed slouched over the wheel of a green Ford pickup truck."" That's not true. I recognized him and I told them so... They also said it was a dark green air conditioning truck, which it was not. And here... ...on the Dallas Sheriff's report. This is really strange. See that notarized signature on the bottom of each page? That's not my signature. And there never was any notary present during any of my questioning. I guess that's all..." Mrs. Mercer, as a former FBI man, it's difficult to accept this. -Mrs. Mercer, as a former FBI man, it's difficult to accept this. I know, but Mr. Garrison, the FBI is just not doing their job. -Jim, dinner's just about ready... I've got a surprise for you... tried something new... Jim? Jim, dinner. Mmmmm... sure smells good... but Egghead, do you realize Oswald was interrogated for twelve hours after the assassination, with no lawyer present, and nobody recorded a word of it? I can't believe it. A police captain with 30 years experience and a crowd of Federal agents just had to know that with no record anything that Oswald said would be inadmissible in court. -Mmmmm... sure smells good... but Egghead, do you realize Oswald was interrogated for twelve hours after the assassination, with no lawyer present, and nobody recorded a word of it? I can't believe it. A police captain with 30 years experience and a crowd of Federal agents just had to know that with no record anything that Oswald said would be inadmissible in court. Come on now, we'll talk about it at the table, dinner's getting cold. What are you doing in here? -I can't believe a man as intelligent as Earl Warren ever read what's in those volumes. Well maybe you're right, Jim. I'll give you one hour to solve the case... until the kids are in bed. Then you're mine and Mr. Kennedy can wait 'til morning. Come on, everybody say goodnight to Daddy. -One hour, y'hear? Some Saturday night date you are. Mama warned me this would happen if I married such a serious man. Oh, she did, huh? When I come up I'll show you how Saturday night got invented. -Honey, you all right? It's incredible, honey - the whole thing. A Lieutenant Colonel testifies that Lee Oswald was given a Russian language exam as part of his Marine training only a few months before he defects to the Soviet Union. A Russian exam! -It's incredible, honey - the whole thing. A Lieutenant Colonel testifies that Lee Oswald was given a Russian language exam as part of his Marine training only a few months before he defects to the Soviet Union. A Russian exam! I cannot believe this. It's four- thirty, Jim Garrison. I have five children are gonna be awake in another hour and ... -I cannot believe this. It's four- thirty, Jim Garrison. I have five children are gonna be awake in another hour and ... Honey, in all my years in the service I never knew a single man who was given a Russian test. Oswald was a radar operator. He'd have about as much use for Russian as a cat has for pajamas. -Honey, in all my years in the service I never knew a single man who was given a Russian test. Oswald was a radar operator. He'd have about as much use for Russian as a cat has for pajamas. These books are getting to your mind, Mr. Garrison. I wish you'd stop readin' them. -These books are getting to your mind, Mr. Garrison. I wish you'd stop readin' them. "And then this Colonel tries to make it sound like nothing. Oswald did badly on the test, he says. ""He only had two more Russian words right than wrong."" Ha! That's like me saying Touchdown here... ...is not very intelligent because I beat him three games out of five the last time we played chess." -"And then this Colonel tries to make it sound like nothing. Oswald did badly on the test, he says. ""He only had two more Russian words right than wrong."" Ha! That's like me saying Touchdown here... ...is not very intelligent because I beat him three games out of five the last time we played chess." Jim, what is going on, for heaven's sake! You going to stay up all night every night? For what? So you'll be the only man in America who read the entire 26 volumes of the Warren Report? -Jim, what is going on, for heaven's sake! You going to stay up all night every night? For what? So you'll be the only man in America who read the entire 26 volumes of the Warren Report? Liz, do I have to spell it out for you? Lee Oswald was no ordinary soldier. That was no accident he was in Russia. He was probably in military intelligence. That's why he was trained in Russian. -Liz, do I have to spell it out for you? Lee Oswald was no ordinary soldier. That was no accident he was in Russia. He was probably in military intelligence. That's why he was trained in Russian. Honey, go back to sleep, please! -Honey, go back to sleep, please! Goddammit! I been sleeping for three years! -Do you have any evidence against him, Jim? Clay Shaw's done so much for the city with all that restoration in the Quarter. He's well connected, all his friends, the money, people, be careful, Jim. It'll be off the record, honey. I'll bring him in on a Sunday. A quiet little chat between gentlemen. -Jim, come on, honey, get down on your hands and knees and hunt for Jasper's Easter egg. You know I don't like these tribal rituals, Freckle Face. I'm interviewing Clay Shaw this morning. -No. I told you I was going to talk to Shaw. But why in the Lord's name would you do it in the middle of Easter Sunday when you knew we were... -But why in the Lord's name would you do it in the middle of Easter Sunday when you knew we were... Because when I scheduled it I didn't realize it was a holiday. You were there, why didn't you say something? -Because when I scheduled it I didn't realize it was a holiday. You were there, why didn't you say something? Look at the calendar, for Christ's sake. You said a Sunday, not Easter Sunday. -Look at the calendar, for Christ's sake. You said a Sunday, not Easter Sunday. I'm sorry, but it's important. Clay Shaw is important. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry, but it's important. Clay Shaw is important. I'm sorry. You're missing most of your life, Jim, and you don't even know it. The kids are missing out too. It's not just you making the sacrifice here, honey. -You're missing most of your life, Jim, and you don't even know it. The kids are missing out too. It's not just you making the sacrifice here, honey. Look, I'll rush and be there by two, I promise. Go ahead without me. -Hi. Tough day. -Tough day. My sympathies. -My sympathies. Liz, I'm really sorry. The meeting went much longer than expected. -Liz, I'm really sorry. The meeting went much longer than expected. We waited for you... hours, Jim. You could have telephoned, for God's sake. It's Easter! You promised, Jim. -We waited for you... hours, Jim. You could have telephoned, for God's sake. It's Easter! You promised, Jim. I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. I just don't have rabbits on my mind. -I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. I just don't have rabbits on my mind. "I think you care more about John Kennedy than your family! All day long the kids are asking, ""Where's Daddy?"" What am I supposed to tell your kids, Jim!" -"I think you care more about John Kennedy than your family! All day long the kids are asking, ""Where's Daddy?"" What am I supposed to tell your kids, Jim!" I don't know what to tell them. How 'bout the truth - I'm doing my job to make sure they can grow up in a country where justice won't be an arcane, vanished idea they read about in history books, like the dinosaurs or the lost continent of Atlantis. -I don't know what to tell them. How 'bout the truth - I'm doing my job to make sure they can grow up in a country where justice won't be an arcane, vanished idea they read about in history books, like the dinosaurs or the lost continent of Atlantis. That sounds dandy, but it doesn't replace a father and a husband on Easter Day. -That sounds dandy, but it doesn't replace a father and a husband on Easter Day. It's going to get worse, honey. -Did they live? It's not funny, Jim, I'm scared. -It's not funny, Jim, I'm scared. Don't be. Nothing to be scared about, honey, I been through four years of war - this is nothing. -Nothing is going to happen to you. I won't let it. Leave us ALONE for God's sake! ...Oh, it's Lou. -Did you enter Virginia into a beauty contest? What? -What? A man just called. He asked her everything! -Honey, some crackpot. Martin Luther King was killed in Memphis today! Your daughter's life was just threatened! -Your daughter's life was just threatened! Just a crank making phone calls. Happens a dozen times a day at the office. -Just a crank making phone calls. Happens a dozen times a day at the office. Our home, Jim! A kidnapper, a murderer, who knows! -Our home, Jim! A kidnapper, a murderer, who knows! Only cowards make crank calls, sweetheart, nothing is going to happen. -Only cowards make crank calls, sweetheart, nothing is going to happen. How do you know? How do you even know what goes on in this house anymore! You're too busy making speeches, stirring up every crazed Klansman in Louisiana after us! -How do you know? How do you even know what goes on in this house anymore! You're too busy making speeches, stirring up every crazed Klansman in Louisiana after us! Get a hold of yourself. -Get a hold of yourself. I'm leaving. I'm taking the kids and I'm leaving! I won't stand it anymore. -Honey, come on. The government wants you to be scared. They want everybody to be scared to speak out. They count on it. But there's nothing to be scared of. You and your government! What's the matter with you? Don't you have any feelings? Your daughter! What kind of man are you? -I'll take them up to my mother's if it'll make you feel better. Spend a week. I'll change the locks, the phone lines, I'll even get a bodyguard, all right? Elizabeth, get a hold of yourself. Jim, before this Kennedy thing, nothing mattered to you in this life more than your children. The other night Jasper tried to show you a drawing. You didn't even notice he was there. He came to me bawling his little eyes out. Jim, he's sensitive - he needs more from you. -Jim, before this Kennedy thing, nothing mattered to you in this life more than your children. The other night Jasper tried to show you a drawing. You didn't even notice he was there. He came to me bawling his little eyes out. Jim, he's sensitive - he needs more from you. I promise I'll make more time for Jasper. -I promise I'll make more time for Jasper. Is it such a chore? I don't understand you. -Is it such a chore? I don't understand you. Damn it, if I say I'll spend more time with him, I'll spend more time with him. I can't fight you and the world too, Liz. -Damn it, if I say I'll spend more time with him, I'll spend more time with him. I can't fight you and the world too, Liz. I'm not fighting you, Jim, I'm just trying to reach you. You've changed. -I'm not fighting you, Jim, I'm just trying to reach you. You've changed. Of course, I've changed! My eyes have opened, and once they're open, believe me, what used to look normal seems insane! And now King. Don't you think this has something to do with that? Can't you see? -Of course, I've changed! My eyes have opened, and once they're open, believe me, what used to look normal seems insane! And now King. Don't you think this has something to do with that? Can't you see? "I don't want to see, goddammit! I'm tired. I've had enough! They say you don't have anything anyway! Everybody in town's talking. You're ruining this man Shaw's life! You're attacking him because he's homosexual! Going ahead with this stupid ""trial""! Did you ever once stop and consider what he's going through?" -"I don't want to see, goddammit! I'm tired. I've had enough! They say you don't have anything anyway! Everybody in town's talking. You're ruining this man Shaw's life! You're attacking him because he's homosexual! Going ahead with this stupid ""trial""! Did you ever once stop and consider what he's going through?" That's not why I'm attacking him! You don't believe me - all this time you never believed me. -That's not why I'm attacking him! You don't believe me - all this time you never believed me. Oh, I don't know anymore! I believe there was a conspiracy, but not the government. I just want to raise our children and live a normal life! I want my life back! -"Well so do I, goddammit! So do I! I had a life too, y'know - I had a life, too. But you just can't bury your head in the sand like some ostrich, goddammit, Elizabeth! It's not just about you - and your well- being and your two cars and your kitchen and your TV and ""I'm jes fine honey."" While our kids grow up into a shithole of lies! Well, I'm not ""fine"" about that, I'm angry. My life is fucked, Liz! And yours is, too! And if you don't want to support me I can understand that but don't you go start making threats of taking the children away." You never talked to me this way before, Jim Garrison. I'm not making any threats. I'm leaving you. I'm taking the kids to my mother's. I am - I am. -And if you're wrong? I never doubted for a second that I was. Will you come to the trial, Elizabeth? -I never doubted for a second that I was. Will you come to the trial, Elizabeth? I don't think so, Jim... -They killed him, honey. Huh? -Huh? He won... and they killed Robert Kennedy. They shot him down. -He won... and they killed Robert Kennedy. They shot him down. Oh no! No! I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Both of them, both brothers, oh my God! -I want to thank you, Mr. O'Keefe, for this time. Call me Willie. I ain't got nuthin' but time, Mr. Garrison. Minutes, hours, days, years of'em. Time just stands still here like a snake sunnin' itself in the road... -For sexual purposes? Well... yeah. -Anything else unusual about him you'd be able to describe in a court of law, Willie? I remember he had some kinda thing wrong with his left leg. He limped. Don't get me wrong, he's not one of those, you know, limp wrists. He's a butch John. You'd meet him on the street, you'd never snap. You could go fishing with him, play poker with him, you'd never snap in a million years. So one night we were over at Ferrie's place. Having a party. Sometime in the late summer of '63. -Willie, are you willing to repeat your statements under sodium pentothal? Under the supervision of a doctor? Fuck, yeah! I told you so. And you can tell'em all I told you so. -Fuck, yeah! I told you so. And you can tell'em all I told you so. You realize the things you're saying, Willie, are going to be attacked by a lot of different people. -You realize the things you're saying, Willie, are going to be attacked by a lot of different people. Bring on all the motherfuckers! Bring their college degrees in here! I got nuthin' to hide. They can't buy me. You can't buy me. I don't even need the parole. This is about the truth coming out. You're a goddamn liberal, Mr. Garrison, you don't know shit, cause you never been fucked in the ass. Fascism is here now, Facism is... -Bring on all the motherfuckers! Bring their college degrees in here! I got nuthin' to hide. They can't buy me. You can't buy me. I don't even need the parole. This is about the truth coming out. You're a goddamn liberal, Mr. Garrison, you don't know shit, cause you never been fucked in the ass. Fascism is here now, Facism is... No one's trying to buy you, Willie. It's important to know why you're telling us this. -No one's trying to buy you, Willie. It's important to know why you're telling us this. You wanna know why? 'Cause that mother fucker Kennedy stole that fuckin' election, that's why! Nixon was gonna be one of the great Presidents 'til Kennedy wrecked this fuckin' country. Got niggers all over the fuckin' place asking for their rights, where do you think we got all this fuckin' crime now, 'cause Kennedy promised 'em too damned much. Revolution comin'. Fascism's coming back. I tell ya this - the day that Communist sumbitch died was a great day for this country. I jes' hate to think they're blaming it on some silly fuckin' Oswald who didn't know shit anyway. People should know why that sumbitch was killed. 'Cause he was a Communist. Put me on the stand, go ahead, I'll tell the same goddamn story, I'm proud of it, don't matter fuck all to me, things don't change. -What's wrong, Lou? Boss, the President's been shot. In Dallas. Five minutes ago. -Oh no!... How bad? No word yet. But they think it's in the head. -One little guy with a cheap rifle - look what he can do. Let's get outta here, Lou. I saw too much stuff like this in the war. -I know David - a strange character. He's been in trouble before. Used to be a hot shot pilot for Eastern Airlines, but he got canned after an alleged homosexual incident with a 14-year old boy. -Remember whose office this was back in '63? 531 Lafayette Street. Yeah, Guy Banister. Ex-FBI man. He died couple years ago. -I'd say he was probably getting intelligence training. Lou, you were in the Marines. Who would be running that training? -Lou, you were in the Marines. Who would be running that training? The Office of Naval Intelligence. -The Office of Naval Intelligence. Take a look across the street. -Post Office. Upstairs. In 1963 that was the Office of Naval Intelligence - And just by coincidence, Banister, before he was FBI, was ONI. What do they say? -Upstairs. In 1963 that was the Office of Naval Intelligence - And just by coincidence, Banister, before he was FBI, was ONI. What do they say? """Once ONI, always ONI""?" -Bill, Lou, we're standing in the heart of the United States Government's intelligence community in New Orleans. That's the FBI there, the CIA, Secret Service, ONI. Doesn't this seem to you a rather strange place for a Communist to spend his spare time? What are you driving at, boss? -What are you driving at, boss? We're going back into the case, Lou - the murder of the President. I want you to take some money from the Fees and Fines Account and go to Dallas - talk to some people. Bill, I want you to get Oser on the medical, the autopsy, Susan on Oswald and Ruby histories, tax records... -They took 'em to the Sheriff's office, not the police station, and they let 'em go. No record of them ever being questioned. I can't say that comes as a surprise anymore. -I can't say that comes as a surprise anymore. A photographer from The Dallas Times Herald got some great shots of them never published... -...take a good look, chief, do any of 'em look like the hoboes you remember? Hoboes I knew of old used to sleep in their clothes - these two look pretty young. -Hoboes I knew of old used to sleep in their clothes - these two look pretty young. ...not a single frayed collar or cuff, new haircuts, fresh shaves, clean hands - new shoe leather. Look at the ear of the cop... That's a wire. What's a cop wearing a headset for? I think they're actors, chief; they're not cops. -Graveyard dead. August this year. A single car accident on an empty road in Midlothian, Texas. The doctor said he was in some kind of strange shock when he died. We need to find more witnesses, Lou. -We need to find more witnesses, Lou. There was Rose Cheramie. A whore. Two Cubans threw her out of a car on the way to Dallas. -Can we find her? Graveyard dead near Big Sandy, Texas in '65. Two in the morning on some highway. A hit and run. -I never could figure out why this guy orders a traceable weapon to that post office box when you can go into any store in Texas, give a phony name and walk out with a cheap rifle which can never be traced. Unless he or someone else wants him to get caught. Maybe he never ordered the weapon, Lou. Somebody else did. It was picked up at the post office early morning when Oswald's time sheet shows him clocked in at his job. Lou, come alive. These things are not adding up. -Mobbed up all the way. Tight with the Dallas cops. I'm digging, chief. I just need 10 more men and some more dollars. I know you do, Lou. I'm doing three more lectures this month. You're all doing an incredible job, Sue, Al, Numa. But this is one where if you don't nail the other guy, you're dead. How did Jack Ruby dies so quick? Of what? Cancer, right? A history of Nazi Germany, Lou. They were studying viral cancers as a weapon in the 30's. We learned a lot more than you think from the Nazis. Read this. Our biological warfare lab is in Fort Detrick, Maryland. Close to where the National Cancer Institute is located. Think about it. Think the unthinkable - question everything. -Goddamn Sam! "And it ain't pretty ...""the AD has spent more than $8,000 on unexplained travel and investigative expenses since November, 1966." -You don't get it, guys - he can't go down any further. We got to protect him full time. I have a plane to catch... going to Washington. An interesting lead, says he's closely connected to these events, but he won't come down here... I know what you're going through with Ferrie, Lou. We'll talk tomorrow. -I have a plane to catch... going to Washington. An interesting lead, says he's closely connected to these events, but he won't come down here... I know what you're going through with Ferrie, Lou. We'll talk tomorrow. I'm onto Ferrie's Cuban paymaster, Eladio del Valle, in Miami. I gotta get him in, boss. I need more men - I can't even pull the teams to watch Ferrie... This is our case! -I took it once for a low thyroid condition... It raises the metabolism, Lou. Did David Ferrie strike you as the kind of person who had a low metabolism? I'd say the opposite - hypertension. -Time? Between six and seven seconds. -Between six and seven seconds. The key is the second and third shots came right on top of each other, and it takes a minimum 2.3 seconds to recycle this thing. The other problem is there was a tree right there... Blocking the first two shots at the time they occur in the Zapruder film. -The key is the second and third shots came right on top of each other, and it takes a minimum 2.3 seconds to recycle this thing. The other problem is there was a tree right there... Blocking the first two shots at the time they occur in the Zapruder film. Didn't Hoover say something about that? The leaves had fallen off in November? -Didn't Hoover say something about that? The leaves had fallen off in November? It was a Texas Live Oak, boss. It sheds it's leaves the first week of March. You try to hit a moving target at 88 yards through heavy foliage with this cheap 13-dollar sucker, the world's worst shoulder weapon. No way. The FBI tried two sets of tests and not one of their sharpshooters could match Oswald's performance. Not one. And Oswald was at best a medium shot. The scope was defective on it, too. I mean this is the whole essence of the case to me. The guy couldn't do the shooting. Nobody could. And they sold this lemon to the American public. -It was a Texas Live Oak, boss. It sheds it's leaves the first week of March. You try to hit a moving target at 88 yards through heavy foliage with this cheap 13-dollar sucker, the world's worst shoulder weapon. No way. The FBI tried two sets of tests and not one of their sharpshooters could match Oswald's performance. Not one. And Oswald was at best a medium shot. The scope was defective on it, too. I mean this is the whole essence of the case to me. The guy couldn't do the shooting. Nobody could. And they sold this lemon to the American public. The Zapruder film is the proof they didn't count on, Lou. We gotta get our hands on it. -The Zapruder film is the proof they didn't count on, Lou. We gotta get our hands on it. That means we gotta subpoena Time- Life on it. -That means we gotta subpoena Time- Life on it. Why not just shoot Kennedy coming up Houston? There's plenty of time - he's out in the open - a frontal shot? -When Kennedy gets to the kill zone, it's a turkey shoot. How many men? -How many men? "One shooter. One spotter on a radio. Maybe three teams. I'd say these were professional riflemen, chief, serious people. Hunters... patient. It takes skill to kill with a rifle, that's why there's been no execution of an executive with one in 200 years... ""3-2-1... green!"" Or else ""Abort! Abort!""" -Who do you think changed the parade route? "Beats me. City officials. Secret Service. Dallas police. They did a dry run with Chief Curry a few days before. But they didn't bother running through Dealey. They stopped right there, said something like, ""and afterwards there's only the freeway,"" and went home." -"Beats me. City officials. Secret Service. Dallas police. They did a dry run with Chief Curry a few days before. But they didn't bother running through Dealey. They stopped right there, said something like, ""and afterwards there's only the freeway,"" and went home." You know who the mayor was? -You know who the mayor was? No. -No. Earle Cabell. And guess who his brother is? -Earle Cabell. And guess who his brother is? Who? -Who? "General Charles Cabell. Deputy Director of the CIA. Fired by Kennedy in '61 because of the Bay of Pigs fiasco, he moved back to the Pentagon, called Kennedy a ""traitor"". When he came to New Orleans to address the Foreign Policy Association, you know who introduced him? Our friend Clay Shaw." -"General Charles Cabell. Deputy Director of the CIA. Fired by Kennedy in '61 because of the Bay of Pigs fiasco, he moved back to the Pentagon, called Kennedy a ""traitor"". When he came to New Orleans to address the Foreign Policy Association, you know who introduced him? Our friend Clay Shaw." The Warren Commission call him? -The Warren Commission call him? His boss was the one on the Warren Commission who handled all the leads to the intelligence community. -His boss was the one on the Warren Commission who handled all the leads to the intelligence community. Allen Dulles? -Allen Dulles? Head of the CIA since '53. Kennedy fired them both. Cabell was his deputy for nine years. Talk about the fox investigating the chicken coop. Now we'll have to subpoena them, Lou. -Head of the CIA since '53. Kennedy fired them both. Cabell was his deputy for nine years. Talk about the fox investigating the chicken coop. Now we'll have to subpoena them, Lou. They're gonna love you, chief. -Maybe we should just call it a day, Lou. Go home. While we're still a little behind. We got two people killed, maybe more we never thought about. You never got anyone killed, boss. Their actions killed them years before. If we stopped now, it'd be even more wrong. -Chief, I've had my doubts about Bill for a long time. He's fighting everything. We need him back. -I just plain don't trust him anymore. Maybe you didn't hear what I said. I will not tolerate this infighting among the staff, I warn you that... -Maybe you didn't hear what I said. I will not tolerate this infighting among the staff, I warn you that... Boss, then I'm afraid I can't continue working with Bill. -Are you giving me an ultimatum, Lou? Well, if that's what you want to call it. I didn't ever think it would come to this. I guess I am, boss. -Well, if that's what you want to call it. I didn't ever think it would come to this. I guess I am, boss. I will not have any damned ultimatums put to me, Lou. I'll accept your resignation. -I will not have any damned ultimatums put to me, Lou. I'll accept your resignation. You sure got it. You're one stubborn and stupid sonofabitch D.A. and you're making one hell of a mistake! -"Sad thing is the way it's screwing up this country, all these hippies running around on drugs, the way young people look you can't tell a boy from a girl anymore. I saw a girl the other day, she was pregnant - you could see her whole belly, and you know what she painted on it? ""Love Child."" It's fuckin' outa control. Values've gone to hell, Jim... Course it figures when you got somebody like that polecat Johnson in the White House." I sometimes feel things've gone downhill since John Kennedy was killed, Senator. -I sometimes feel things've gone downhill since John Kennedy was killed, Senator. Don't get me started on that. Those Warren Commission fellows were pickin' gnat shit out of pepper. No one's gonna tell me that kid did the shooting job he did from that damned bookstore. -I thought the FBI test-fired the rifle to make sure it could be done? "Sure, three experts and not one of them could do it! They're telling us Oswald got off three shots with world-class precision from a manual bolt action rifle in less than six seconds - and accordin' to his Marine buddies he got Maggie's drawers - he wasn't any good. Average man would be lucky to get two shots off, and I tell ya the first shot would always be the best. Here, the third shot's perfect. Don't make sense. And then they got that crazy bullet zigzagging all over the place so it hits Kennedy and Connally seven times. One ""pristine"" bullet? That dog don't hunt." -"Sure, three experts and not one of them could do it! They're telling us Oswald got off three shots with world-class precision from a manual bolt action rifle in less than six seconds - and accordin' to his Marine buddies he got Maggie's drawers - he wasn't any good. Average man would be lucky to get two shots off, and I tell ya the first shot would always be the best. Here, the third shot's perfect. Don't make sense. And then they got that crazy bullet zigzagging all over the place so it hits Kennedy and Connally seven times. One ""pristine"" bullet? That dog don't hunt." You know, something always bothered me about that from day one, and I can't put my finger on it. -You know, something always bothered me about that from day one, and I can't put my finger on it. "If I were investigatin', I'd round up the 100 best riflemen in the world and find out which ones were in Dallas that day. You been duck hunting? I think Oswald was a good old-fashioned decoy. What'd he say? ""I'm just a patsy."" Out of the mouth of babes y'ask me." -"If I were investigatin', I'd round up the 100 best riflemen in the world and find out which ones were in Dallas that day. You been duck hunting? I think Oswald was a good old-fashioned decoy. What'd he say? ""I'm just a patsy."" Out of the mouth of babes y'ask me." You think there were other men involved, Russell? -Hell, you're the District Attorney. You read the Warren Report - and then you tell me you're satisfied Lee Oswald shot the President all by his lonesome. Russell, honestly you sound like one of those kooky critics spreading paranoia like prairie fire. I just can't believe the Chief Justice of the United States would put his name on something that wasn't true. -Russell, honestly you sound like one of those kooky critics spreading paranoia like prairie fire. I just can't believe the Chief Justice of the United States would put his name on something that wasn't true. Honey, another one of these. This one's as weak as cricket pee-pee. Yessir, you mark my words, Jim, Vietnam's gonna cost Johnson '68 and it's gonna put that other varmint Nixon in - then watch your hide, 'cause there ain't no offramps on a freeway to Hell! -Welcome, District Attorney Garrison. May I call you Jim? I've been called everything under the sun, Jerry. Call me whatever you like. -There have been a number of reports in reputable news media - Time, Newsweek, our own NBC - that you have gone way beyond the legal means available to a prosecutor, that you've intimidated and drugged witnesses, bribed them, urged them to commit perjury. What is your response? Your faith in the veracity of the major media is touching, Jerry. It indicates that the Age of Innocence is not yet over. But seriously, Jerry, people aren't interested in Jim Garrison - they want the hard evidence! They want to know why he was killed and what forces were opposed to... -Your faith in the veracity of the major media is touching, Jerry. It indicates that the Age of Innocence is not yet over. But seriously, Jerry, people aren't interested in Jim Garrison - they want the hard evidence! They want to know why he was killed and what forces were opposed to... Some people would say you're paranoid. -Some people would say you're paranoid. Well, if I am, why is the Government concealing evidence? -Well, if I am, why is the Government concealing evidence? Are they? Why would they? -Are they? Why would they? That's exactly my question, Jerry. Maybe I'd better show you some pictures so you can begin to understand what I am talking about. -Pictures like this don't show up on television! Sure they do. The camera can pick this up. -Sure they do. The camera can pick this up. No, it can't! -Jim Garrison? Yes. -Yes. I'm glad you came. I'm sorry about the precautions. -I'm glad you came. I'm sorry about the precautions. Well, I just hope it was worth my while, Mr... -I could give you a false name, but I won't. Just call me X. I've already been warned by the Agency, Mr. Whoever. If this is another type of threat, I don't... -I've already been warned by the Agency, Mr. Whoever. If this is another type of threat, I don't... I'm not with the Agency, Mr. Garrison, and I assume if you've come this far, what I have to say interests you. But I'm not going to name names, or tell you who or what I represent. Except to say - you're close, you're closer than you think... -I don't... I can't believe it. They killed him because he wanted to change things. In our time - in our country? Kings are killed, Mr. Garrison. Politics is power, nothing more. But don't believe me. Don't trust me. Do your own work, your own thinking. -Kings are killed, Mr. Garrison. Politics is power, nothing more. But don't believe me. Don't trust me. Do your own work, your own thinking. The size of this is... beyond me. Testify? -The size of this is... beyond me. Testify? No chance in hell, Mr. Garrison. I'd be arrested and gagged, declared insane and hospitalized... maybe worse. You, too. I can only give you background, you got to find the foreground, the little things... Keep digging. Y'know you're the only person to ever bring a trial in the murder of John Kennedy. That's important - it's historic. -No chance in hell, Mr. Garrison. I'd be arrested and gagged, declared insane and hospitalized... maybe worse. You, too. I can only give you background, you got to find the foreground, the little things... Keep digging. Y'know you're the only person to ever bring a trial in the murder of John Kennedy. That's important - it's historic. I haven't yet. I don't have much of a case. -I haven't yet. I don't have much of a case. But you don't have a choice anymore. You've become a significant threat to the national security structure. They would've killed you already, but you got a lot of light on you. Instead, they're gonna destroy your credibility; they already have in many circles in this town. You're some kinda ego-crazed southern caricature to many folks. Be honest - the best chance you got is come up with a case, something, anything, make arrests, stir the shitstorm. You gotta hope to reach a point of critical mass where other people will come forward and the government will crack. Remember, fundamentally people are suckers for the truth, and the truth is on your side, 'bubba. I hope you get a break... -Well, thanks for coming. You didn't get that break you needed, but you went as far as any man could, bubba. What can I do for you? -You didn't get that break you needed, but you went as far as any man could, bubba. What can I do for you? Just speculating, I guess. How do you think it started? -Just speculating, I guess. How do you think it started? I think it started in the wind. Money - arms, big oil, Pentagon people, contractors, bankers, politicians like L.B.J. were committed to a war in Southeast Asia. As early as '61 they knew Kennedy was going to change things... He was not going to war in Southeast Asia. Who knows? Probably some boardroom or lunchroom somewhere - Houston, New York - hell, maybe Bonn, Germany... who knows, it's international now. -He's done it before. Other countries. Lumumba in the Congo, Trujillo, the Dominican Republic, he's working on Castro. No big deal. In September, Kennedy announces the Texas trip. At that moment, second Oswalds start popping up all over Dallas where they have the mayor and the cops in their pocket. Y flies in the assassins, maybe from the special camp we keep outside Athens, Greece - pros, maybe some locals, Cubans, Maria hire, separate teams. Does it really matter who shot from what rooftop? Part of the scenery. The assassins by now are dead or well paid and long gone... Any chance of one of them confessing someday? -Any chance of one of them confessing someday? ...don't think so. When they start to drool, they get rid of 'em. These guys are proud of what they did. They did Dealey Plaza! They took out the President of the United States! That's entertainment! And they served their country doing it. -...don't think so. When they start to drool, they get rid of 'em. These guys are proud of what they did. They did Dealey Plaza! They took out the President of the United States! That's entertainment! And they served their country doing it. ...and your General? -...and your General? ...got promoted to two stars, but he was never military, you know, always CIA. Went to Vietnam, lost his credibility when we got beat over there, retired, lives in Virginia. I say hello to him when I see him at the supermarket... -...got promoted to two stars, but he was never military, you know, always CIA. Went to Vietnam, lost his credibility when we got beat over there, retired, lives in Virginia. I say hello to him when I see him at the supermarket... Ever ask him? -Ever ask him? You never ask a spook a question. No point. He'll never give you a straight answer. General Y still thinks of himself of the handsome young warrior who loved this country but loved the concept of war more. -You never ask a spook a question. No point. He'll never give you a straight answer. General Y still thinks of himself of the handsome young warrior who loved this country but loved the concept of war more. His name? -His name? Does it matter? Another technician. But an interesting thing - he was there that day in Dealey Plaza. You know how I know? That picture of yours. The hoboes... you never looked deep enough... -"I knew the man 20 years. That's him. The way he walked... arms at his side, military, the stoop, the haircut, the twisted left hand, the large class ring. What was he doing there? If anyone had asked him, he'd probably say ""protection"" but I'll tell you I think he was giving some kind of ""okay"" signal to those hoboes - they're about to get booked and he's telling 'em it's gonna be okay, they're covered. And in fact they were - you never heard of them again." ...some story... the whole thing. It's like it never happened. -...some story... the whole thing. It's like it never happened. It never did. -It never did. Just think... just think. What happened to our country .. to the world... because of that murder... Vietnam, racial conflict, breakdown of law, drugs, thought control, guilt, assassinations, secret government fear of the frontier... -Just think... just think. What happened to our country .. to the world... because of that murder... Vietnam, racial conflict, breakdown of law, drugs, thought control, guilt, assassinations, secret government fear of the frontier... I keep thinking of that day, Tuesday the 26th, the day after they buried Kennedy, L.B.J. was signing the memorandum on Vietnam with Ambassador Lodge. -Here's my problem, Jack. You told me you and Guy were good friends for a long time? More than ten years. -More than ten years. And he never hit you before? -And he never hit you before? Never touched me. -Never touched me. Yet on November 22, 1963 - the day of the President's murder - our police report says he pistol-whipped you with a .357 Magnum. But the police report says you had an argument over the phone bill. Here, take a look at it. Now, does a simple argument over phone bills sound like a believable explanation to you? -How much more? I don't know if I should talk about this. -I don't know if I should talk about this. Well, I'd ask Guy - we were friendly, you know - heart attack, wasn't it? -Well, I'd ask Guy - we were friendly, you know - heart attack, wasn't it? If you buy what you read in the paper. -If you buy what you read in the paper. You have other information? -You have other information? I didn't say that. All I know is he died suddenly just before the Warren Report came out. -I didn't say that. All I know is he died suddenly just before the Warren Report came out. Why did Guy beat you, Jack? -Why did Guy beat you, Jack? Well, I guess now that Guy's dead, it don't really matter... it was about the people hanging around the office that summer. I wasn't really part of the operation, you know. I was handling the private-eye work for Guy when that came in - not much did - but that's why I was there... it was a nuthouse. There were all these Cubans coming and going. They all looked alike to me. -Dave Ferrie - you know about him? Was he there often? -Was he there often? Often? He practically lived there. It was real cloak and dagger stuff. They called it Operation Mongoose. The idea was to train all these Cuban exiles for another invasion of Cuba. Banister's office was part of a supply line that ran from Dallas, through New Orleans to Miami, stockpiling arms and explosives. -Where is Banister in all this? Banister was running his camp north of Lake Pontchartrain. Ferrie handled a lot of the training. There was a shooting range and a lot of tropical terrain like in Cuba. A few Americans got trained, too. Nazi types. Mercenaries. But Ferrie was the craziest. -Like I said, a fuckin' nuthouse. And Oswald? -Yeah, he was there, too... sometimes he'd be meeting with Banister with the door shut. Other times he'd be shooting the bull with Ferrie. But he was there all right. Anything more specific, Jack? It's important. -Anyone else involved at Banister's level? There was one guy, I don't know, big guy, business guy, white hair - I saw him come into the office once. He looked out of place, y'know - like a society guy. Can't remember his name. Oswald was with him. -Clay something, that was his name - Clay. Bertrand. Clay Bertrand? -Bertrand. Clay Bertrand? Yeah! That's it. I don't know. Maybe it wasn't. I gotta go. -Yeah! That's it. I don't know. Maybe it wasn't. I gotta go. Clay Bertrand. He's in the Warren Report. He tried to get Oswald a lawyer. Was Kennedy ever discussed, Jack? -Clay Bertrand. He's in the Warren Report. He tried to get Oswald a lawyer. Was Kennedy ever discussed, Jack? Sure. 'Course they hated the sonofabitch, but... -Sure. 'Course they hated the sonofabitch, but... The assassination, Jack? -The assassination, Jack? Never. Not with me sir, never... Listen, I think I'd better go. I said enough. I said all I'm going to say. -Never. Not with me sir, never... Listen, I think I'd better go. I said enough. I said all I'm going to say. Hold on, Jack. What's the problem? -Hold on, Jack. What's the problem? What's the problem? What's the problem? Do I need to spell it out for you, Mr. Garrison? I better go. -What's the problem? What's the problem? Do I need to spell it out for you, Mr. Garrison? I better go. Nobody knows what we're talking about, Jack. -Nobody knows what we're talking about, Jack. You're so naive, mister. -Didn't someone say he didn't speak good Russian? It's a contradiction, Numa, get used to them. The only explanation for the royal treatment is he did give them radar secrets. Or fake secrets. -Even my own wife, chief, Who's wondering where I am? Even your own wife, Numa. Any of you want to quit, do me a favor... put us out of our misery. -HOLD IT, CHIEF... You just need some sleep, Lou. It won't look so bad when... -Well, believe what you want, boss, but we got to be more careful. All these new volunteers, any one of them could be... Okay, you handle it, Numa. I don't have time for this nonsense. We've obviously got the bastards worried now. I'm going to Washington. -No, she could get hurt. If you believe what's happening to these other people. She's the best damn witness we have! -She's the best damn witness we have! I just don't want to do it. What else? -Hate mail here. Fan mail here. The bad news is the IRS has just requested an audit on your income from this office. I expected that two months ago, and they're wasting their time... The bad news is the National Guard has just asked me to resign after 18 years. Well, maybe that's good news - it was never as good as combat, but this is. Bill, any more on Oswald and Shaw? -Sure sounds like he's winning. He'll never make it. If he wins, they'll kill him. He wants to avenge his brother. He'll stop that war. No, they'll kill him before they let him become President. -"I don't think so, Al. You remember the Hemingway story, ""The Old Man and the Sea""? The old fisherman manages to catch this great fish - a fish so huge he has to tie it to the side of the boat to get it back in. But by the time he reached shore, the fish had long since been picked apart by sharks and nothing was left but the skeleton." Then what are we going through all this trouble for? -Then what are we going through all this trouble for? It's a means to an end. This war has two fronts - in the court of law, we hope, against the odds, to nail Clay Shaw on a conspiracy charge. In the court of public opinion, it could take another 25 or 30 years for the truth to come out, but at least we're going to strike the first blow. -Welcome, Mr. Miller. Jim Garrison. Would you care for some coffee? Yes, thank you, Mr. Garrison. Your coffee's almost Turkish down here but I could get used to it. -I'm glad you could find time to see me. I flew down from Denver this morning on my private jet. Yes, your letter indicated you were in he oil business up there. -Yes, your letter indicated you were in he oil business up there. I've done quite well in Denver, Mr. Garrison, but I have to admire someone like you - and I have the means to back up what I say. -I've done quite well in Denver, Mr. Garrison, but I have to admire someone like you - and I have the means to back up what I say. We can use all the support we can get. I think these might interest you. -They've been enlarged and show a lot of detail... Splendid, love to see them. -Where were you? Europe, Pacific? Germany. -Germany. You were lucky. I spent three years in the Pacific. I've never seen an avenue with such a profusion of bail-bonding companies. Why is that? -You were lucky. I spent three years in the Pacific. I've never seen an avenue with such a profusion of bail-bonding companies. Why is that? I imagine because this is the Criminal District Court Building This is an enlargement of a potential shooter standing behind the picket fence. We... -I know about that shot. A terrible tragedy. How much do you have for carrying on your investigation? If you must know, virtually nothing. -If you must know, virtually nothing. How many men are working with you on this? -How many men are working with you on this? Less than you would guess. Most days two to three assistant D.A.'s. A handful of police investigators. -Less than you would guess. Most days two to three assistant D.A.'s. A handful of police investigators. That's all you've had all this time? -That's all you've had all this time? That's it. -I'm going to be very frank with you. You've done a great job, an astounding job considering the limited resources available to you. But the best you can ever hope for is to stir up a lot of confusion. You're not going to do this country any good, and you're not going to do yourself any good. You don't belong here. On this Mickey Mouse street with that cheap strip of bail bond shops. The job manages to keep me pretty busy. -The job manages to keep me pretty busy. Nonsense. You should be in a job where you can make decisions that have impact, affect the world. Here you're trying to climb up the steep side of Mount Everest. -I propose you accept an appointment to the bench in Federal District Court and move into a job worthy of your talent. Do you have any idea, do you have any conception of how easily such an appointment can be arranged? And what would I have to do? -And what would I have to do? Stop your investigation... it was a magnificent effort but it's over and done with. The press is already on your behind and that's only the beginning, my boy, only the beginning. -Stop your investigation... it was a magnificent effort but it's over and done with. The press is already on your behind and that's only the beginning, my boy, only the beginning. How long do you think it would take me to be appointed? -Hello. Is this Jim Garrison's daughter? Yes? -Yes? Virginia or Elizabeth? -Virginia or Elizabeth? Virginia. -Virginia. Virginia, you're a lucky little girl. Your daddy has entered you in a beauty contest. Would you like to be in a beauty contest? -Virginia, you're a lucky little girl. Your daddy has entered you in a beauty contest. Would you like to be in a beauty contest? That sounds fun. -That sounds fun. I need some information from you then. How old are you? -I need some information from you then. How old are you? Six. -Six. And how tall are you? -And you get of from school at 3 every day? Yes. -Yes. Do you walk home? -Do you walk home? Uh huh. -Then do you understand that I cannot tell the truth here? In Dallas. That there are people here who do not want me to tell the truth... who do not want me to have a retrial? Mr. Ruby, I really can't see why you can't tell us now. -When are you going back to Washington, sir? I am going back very shortly after we finish this hearing - I am going to have some lunch. -I am going back very shortly after we finish this hearing - I am going to have some lunch. Can I make a statement? If you request me to go back to Washington with you right now, that is if you want to hear further testimony from me, can you do that? Can you take me with you? -Can I make a statement? If you request me to go back to Washington with you right now, that is if you want to hear further testimony from me, can you do that? Can you take me with you? No, that could not be done, Mr. Ruby. There are a good many things involved in that. -No, that could not be done, Mr. Ruby. There are a good many things involved in that. What are they? -What are they? Well, the public attention it would attract. And we have no place for you there to be safe, we're not law enforcement officials, and many things are at stake in this affair, Mr. Ruby. -Well, the public attention it would attract. And we have no place for you there to be safe, we're not law enforcement officials, and many things are at stake in this affair, Mr. Ruby. But if I am eliminated there won't be any way of knowing. Consequently a whole new form of government is going to take over this country, and I know I won't live to see you another time. My life is in danger here. Do I sound screwy? -But if I am eliminated there won't be any way of knowing. Consequently a whole new form of government is going to take over this country, and I know I won't live to see you another time. My life is in danger here. Do I sound screwy? Well I don't know what can be done, Mr. Ruby, because I don't know what you anticipate we will encounter. -Well I don't know what can be done, Mr. Ruby, because I don't know what you anticipate we will encounter. Then you don't stand a chance, Mr. Chief Justice, you have a lost cause. All I want is a lie detector test, and you refuse to give it to me. Because as it stands now - and the truth serum - how do you pronounce it - Pentothal - whatever it is. They will not give it to me, because I want to tell the truth... And then I want to leave this world. -Can I help you? Yes, you have a suit I've had my eye on. -This looks pretty good on me. Are you kidding, it looks great. You wear this to a business meeting, you're the badass in the room. But you can go out dancing in this too. It's a total power suit. -I think I'm gonna just get this for today. I'm in kind of a hurry. Would you mind ringing this up while I change out of it? Not a problem. -Not a problem. Thanks. -I'm sorry, I just decided to stay in the suit -- get out of that damn uniform. Oh, that's not a problem. -Tomorrow I'll talk to your probation officer. Karen's a good kid, but she's mad at you, because you lied to her. This business about your grandmother's funeral I went. I did. I took my mother and little brother. -I went. I did. I took my mother and little brother. But you didn't ask permission. You broke a trust. If you had asked, Karen probably would have let you. I'm sure she would. -But you didn't ask permission. You broke a trust. If you had asked, Karen probably would have let you. I'm sure she would. I know. That's why I went. -I know. That's why I went. But then you told her you were home. -But then you told her you were home. Sure, 'cause I didn't ask her if I could go. -I don't know. Maybe it's a language problem. Anita, you ever cause this much heartache over something that could easily be avoided, I'll never write you again. You understand? I understand. -I understand. I mean it. I don't care how many times your mother calls or how much she cries. -I understand. "Then say ""Yes, Max. I understand.""" -"Then say ""Yes, Max. I understand.""" Yes, Max, I understand. -So you're gonna call Karen tomorrow? I'll call her. -I'll call her. Won't forget? -Won't forget? I won't forget. -What the fuck can I say? I'm serious, man. What the fuck can I say? Thank you... thank you... thank you. Who was there for your ass? -Who was there for your ass? You were there for me. -You were there for me. Who? -Who? You. -You see, it works like this. You get your ass in trouble, I get your ass out. That's my job. And I don't mind tellin ya, nigga, it's steady work. I'm still scared as a motherfucker, Ordell. They talkin' like they serious 'bout me doin' that machine gun time. -I'm still scared as a motherfucker, Ordell. They talkin' like they serious 'bout me doin' that machine gun time. Naw, man. They just tryin' to put a fright in your ass. -Naw, man. They just tryin' to put a fright in your ass. If that's what they want to do, they're doin' it. -If that's what they want to do, they're doin' it. How old is that machine gun shit? -How old is that machine gun shit? Three years. -Three years. Three years. That crime's old, man. They ain't got room in prison for all the motherfuckers out there killin' people. How they gonna find room for you? -Three years. That crime's old, man. They ain't got room in prison for all the motherfuckers out there killin' people. How they gonna find room for you? That's not what they're tellin' me. -That's not what they're tellin' me. "That's why they call it ""fuckin' with ya."" Now you wanna hear how we retaliate?" -Hey, c'mon in, man. I was just -- you know -- smokin' a fatty, watchin' TV. Naw, man. I gotta be someplace. I was kinda hopin you could come with me. -Naw, man. I gotta be someplace. I was kinda hopin you could come with me. What'd ya mean? -What'd ya mean? Look, I hate to be the kinda nigga, does a nigga a favor -- then BAM -- hits a nigga up for a favor in return. But I'm afraid I gotta be that kinda nigga. -Look, I hate to be the kinda nigga, does a nigga a favor -- then BAM -- hits a nigga up for a favor in return. But I'm afraid I gotta be that kinda nigga. What? -What? I need a favor. -I need a favor. That requires me goin' out tonight? -That requires me goin' out tonight? A bit. -A bit. Aaaaawww man, I wasn't plannin' on goin' no place. It's twelve o'clock, man. I'm home, I'm high -- -Aaaaawww man, I wasn't plannin' on goin' no place. It's twelve o'clock, man. I'm home, I'm high -- Why the fuck you at home? Cause I spent ten thousand dollars gittin' your ass home. Look, I gotta problem. I need help, and you can help me. -What's the problem? Well, it ain't so much a problem a a situation. Remember I sold those three M-60 machine guns outta the five I got? -Well, it ain't so much a problem a a situation. Remember I sold those three M-60 machine guns outta the five I got? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. I'm gonna sell the other two tonight. This group of Koreans in Koreatown have started a Neighborhood Watch kinda thing. And they want a few weapons so the neighborhood niggas know they mean business. So I'm gonna sell 'em my two machine guns tonight. Only problem, I ain't never dealt with these Koreans before. Now I ain't worried. Asians are by and large real dependable. They don't want no trouble. You might argue about price, but you ain't gotta worry about them shootin' you in the back. But I got me kind of a rule. Never do business with nobody you ain't never done business with before without backup. That's why I need you, backup. -I'm gonna sell the other two tonight. This group of Koreans in Koreatown have started a Neighborhood Watch kinda thing. And they want a few weapons so the neighborhood niggas know they mean business. So I'm gonna sell 'em my two machine guns tonight. Only problem, I ain't never dealt with these Koreans before. Now I ain't worried. Asians are by and large real dependable. They don't want no trouble. You might argue about price, but you ain't gotta worry about them shootin' you in the back. But I got me kind of a rule. Never do business with nobody you ain't never done business with before without backup. That's why I need you, backup. Man, I ain't ready to be goin' out nowhere -- -Man, I ain't ready to be goin' out nowhere -- Let me finish. Can I finish? -Let me finish. Can I finish? Go ahead. -Fuck that shit, man. I ain't shootin' anybody. What the fuck I tell you. You don't hafta shoot nobody. Just hold the gun. They'll get the idea. -What the fuck I tell you. You don't hafta shoot nobody. Just hold the gun. They'll get the idea. I ain't gittin' in that trunk. -I ain't gittin' in that trunk. We're only goin' to Koreatown. You'll be in there -- ten minutes. -We're only goin' to Koreatown. You'll be in there -- ten minutes. Uh-uh. I ain't riding in that trunk no minutes. Why don't I just ride with you? -Uh-uh. I ain't riding in that trunk no minutes. Why don't I just ride with you? You can't ride with me. The surprise effect is ninety percent of it. -You can't ride with me. The surprise effect is ninety percent of it. Well, I'm sorry, man, but I ain't gittin' in that trunk. -Well, I'm sorry, man, but I ain't gittin' in that trunk. I can't believe you do me this way. -I can't believe you do me this way. I ain't doin' you no way. I just ain't climbin' in that trunk. I got a problem with small places. -I ain't doin' you no way. I just ain't climbin' in that trunk. I got a problem with small places. Well, my ass has got a problem spending ten thousand dollars of my own goddam money to get ungrateful, peanuthead niggas outta jail, but I do it -- -Well, my ass has got a problem spending ten thousand dollars of my own goddam money to get ungrateful, peanuthead niggas outta jail, but I do it -- Look, man, I know I owe you -- -Look, man, I know I owe you -- Well, if you owe me, git your ass in the trunk. -Well, if you owe me, git your ass in the trunk. I wanna help you, but I don't wanna be locked in the trunk of no car. -I wanna help you, but I don't wanna be locked in the trunk of no car. You think I wanted to spend ten thousand dollars on your ass? -Answer the question, nigga. Do you think I wanted to spend the thousand dollars on your ass? Yes or no? Course you didn't. -Course you didn't. But the only way to help you was to do that, so I did it. Okay, how 'bout this? After we're through fuckin' with these Koreans, I take you to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. My treat. -Does he have the marked bills on him? In his inside coat pocket. -Why were you with him? I went to give him his refund, so he wouldn't have to come here. -I went to give him his refund, so he wouldn't have to come here. How'd you know where he was? -How'd you know where he was? I found out. -I found out. And you didn't tell the Police? -And you didn't tell the Police? I told Jackie, and Jackie said you wanted him. -I'd say there's about, oh, fifty thousand dollars here. What would you say Ray? That looks like fifty thousand dollars from here. -You got a good lawyer? Can she afford a good one is the question. Otherwise she'll be in Sybill Brand three weeks easy before the Public Defender gets around to her. -Can she afford a good one is the question. Otherwise she'll be in Sybill Brand three weeks easy before the Public Defender gets around to her. Ever heard of a fella named Beaumont Livingston? -Great, you're here. Hey, Jackie. -What's going on? She wants to make a deal. -She wants to make a deal. She sound scared? -She sound scared? She almost sounds scared. -She almost sounds scared. What's she want? -What's she want? She wants to go back to work. -She wants to go back to work. What's she willing to give us? -What's she willing to give us? She hasn't one into specifics yet, she's been waiting for you. -She hasn't one into specifics yet, she's been waiting for you. She knows it's my case? -She knows it's my case? She ain't said it, but she's not stupid, she knows it's you who wants her. -We are. Don't worry about it. Every step of this goes in my report. I am now taking a manila envelope from the subject's flight bag. -The envelope contains currency... all the same denomination, one-hundred- dollar bills. Now, I'm counting it. What time do you have to be there? -Can I have a word with you? Sure. -Hi, I'm Detective Mark Dargus. L.A.P.D. can I ask what you have in that bag? The usual things. I'm a flight attendant with Cabo Air. -I doubt it. Who's your friend? This is Special Agent Ray Nicolet with Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. Would you mind if we looked in that bag? -Would I mind? Do I have a choice? "You have the right to say ""no."" And I have the right to make you wait here with Ray while I go get a warrant. And if I don't want to go through all that trouble, I could just take you in on suspicion." -"You have the right to say ""no."" And I have the right to make you wait here with Ray while I go get a warrant. And if I don't want to go through all that trouble, I could just take you in on suspicion." Suspicion of what? -This is your money? "If I were to tell you ""no it isn't...""" -You should know if you bring in anything over ten thousand you have to declare it. You forgot or what? You could get a two hundred and fifty thousand dollar fine, plus two years in prison. Now you want to talk to us about it, or you want to talk to Customs? I'm not saying another word. -Hey, this is my office. There's no smoking. Arrest me. -I'm not a loser. Oh, you're both? In 1985 you were flying for TWA and got busted for carrying drugs. You were carrying them for a pilot husband of yours. He did time and you got off. But that ended your career with the big airlines. Cut to thirteen years later. You're forty-four years of age. You're flying for the shittiest little shuttle-fucking piece of shit Mexican airline that there is. Where you make a whopping twelve-thousand dollars a year. That ain't a hulluva lot to show for a twenty year career. And to top it off, you're going to jail. Now true, the judge, even with your prior, will probably only give you a year or two. But this doesn't seem like the time of life you got years to throw away. Now, we don't like trying losers like they're criminals. But in the absence of a criminal, we will try you. Now, wasn't this money given to you by an American living in Mexico by the name of Cedric Walker? -Help yourself. While you're at it, let me see what else is in there. You mind? -My pocketbook. What's in it? -What's in it? Beauty products. -What's this? That's my diet shit. -Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. What with all the cash, I think I could go with Conspiracy to Traffic. I'm tellin' you, I don't know nothin' about that fuckin' shit. -Let me have a word outside with Agent Nicolet for a moment? Take your time. -Take your time. Thanks. -Help us do what? Help you get Ordell Robbie. -But now you're telling us now you do. 'Course I do -- I deliver money for him. -You don't want much, do you? Can you do it or not? -How was your flight? Fine. -Fine. Bet you're happy to be working again. -Four thirty. I'm meeting a woman. What's her name? -What's her name? He wouldn't say. You gonna follow her? -He wouldn't say. You gonna follow her? She leaves, somebody'll be on her. -She leaves, somebody'll be on her. But you're not going to stop her? -I can give you a lift home if you'd like? Okay. -Are you really a bail bondsman? Who do you think I am? -I gave you my card there. Can I see your I.D.? -Can I see your I.D.? You're serious? -Who put up my bond? Ordell? In cash. -Can we stop for cigarettes? Sure, ever been to the Riverbottom? -Sure, ever been to the Riverbottom? I don't think so. -I don't think so. It's okay. It's a cop hangout. -It's okay. It's a cop hangout. Couldn't we just stop at a seven- eleven? -Couldn't we just stop at a seven- eleven? I thought you might want a drink? -I thought you might want a drink? I'd love one, but not there. -I'd love one, but not there. We could stop at the Hilton by the airport. -We could stop at the Hilton by the airport. Is it dark? -Is it dark? It's kind of a sports bar -It's kind of a sports bar That doesn't sound dark. -That doesn't sound dark. Why does it need to be dark? -Why does it need to be dark? 'Cause I look like I just got outta jail, that's why. You droppin' me off at home, right? There's a place by me. -'Cause I look like I just got outta jail, that's why. You droppin' me off at home, right? There's a place by me. Great. -You gain weight? Ten pounds. I lose it and put it back on. -Ten pounds. I lose it and put it back on. That's why I don't quit. If I can't fly anymore, I'm gonna have a bitch of a time gettin' my brand. -That's why I don't quit. If I can't fly anymore, I'm gonna have a bitch of a time gettin' my brand. What's your brand? -What's your brand? Davidoffs. I get 'em in Mexico. They're hard to find here. I was locked up with the last two getting legal advice from a woman who was in for bustin' her boyfriend's head open with a baseball bat. -Davidoffs. I get 'em in Mexico. They're hard to find here. I was locked up with the last two getting legal advice from a woman who was in for bustin' her boyfriend's head open with a baseball bat. Was she helpful? -Was she helpful? She was more helpful than the fuckin' Public Defender. I don't know -- I guess what I need is a lawyer, find out what my options are. -She was more helpful than the fuckin' Public Defender. I don't know -- I guess what I need is a lawyer, find out what my options are. You know, I figured out the other day I've written something like fifteen thousand bonds since I've been in the business. I'd say about eighty percent of them were at least drug related. If you want, I can help you look at your options. -You're not tired of it? I am, as a matter of fact. -What have they told you? So far I've been told I can cooperate and get probation, maybe. Or, I can stand mute and get as much as five years. Does that sound right? -So far I've been told I can cooperate and get probation, maybe. Or, I can stand mute and get as much as five years. Does that sound right? I'd say if you're tried and found guilty you won't get more than a year and a day. That's State time. Prison. -I'd say if you're tried and found guilty you won't get more than a year and a day. That's State time. Prison. Shit. -Shit. But they won't want to take you to trial. They'll offer you simple Possession, a few months of County time, and a year or two probation. How 'bout another? -But they won't want to take you to trial. They'll offer you simple Possession, a few months of County time, and a year or two probation. How 'bout another? Sure. -You know who put the dope in your bag? "Yeah, but that's not what this was about. They were fuckin waitin' for my ass. They knew I had that money, they even knew the amount. The one who searched my bag, from L.A.P.D., Dargus, hardly even looked at it. ""Oh, I'd say there's fifty thousand here. What would you say?"" But all they could do was threaten me and hand me over to Customs, and I could tell they didn't want to do that." -"Yeah, but that's not what this was about. They were fuckin waitin' for my ass. They knew I had that money, they even knew the amount. The one who searched my bag, from L.A.P.D., Dargus, hardly even looked at it. ""Oh, I'd say there's fifty thousand here. What would you say?"" But all they could do was threaten me and hand me over to Customs, and I could tell they didn't want to do that." They wanted you to tell them what you know. -They wanted you to tell them what you know. I had 'em too. I burnt those two Starky and Hutch motherfuckers down. Then their asses lucked out and found that coke. -I had 'em too. I burnt those two Starky and Hutch motherfuckers down. Then their asses lucked out and found that coke. What did they want to know? -What did they want to know? Who gave me the money and who I was giving it to. And some guy they found in a trunk with his head blown off. Said it was him who told them 'bout me. -That would be Beaumont Livingston. That's him. How do you know 'em? -That's him. How do you know 'em? I wrote him on Monday. They found him dead on Tuesday. -I wrote him on Monday. They found him dead on Tuesday. Ordell pick up his bond? -Ordell pick up his bond? Same as you. Ten thousand. -Same as you. Ten thousand. The federal agent kinda half hinted Ordell might of done Beaumont. -The federal agent kinda half hinted Ordell might of done Beaumont. You mentioned a guy from L.A.P.D., but you didn't mention the Federal. -You mentioned a guy from L.A.P.D., but you didn't mention the Federal. I didn't? -I didn't? No, you didn't. What branch? -No, you didn't. What branch? Ray Nicolet with Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. -He's the one who wants you. It was the other guy who busted me. -It was the other guy who busted me. 'Cause if he busted you, you'd play hell bonding out of federal court. He doesn't want you mad at him, he wants you to tell him what you know. He uses you to get a line on Ordell, make a case, then take him federal. You know what Ordell's into? -'Cause if he busted you, you'd play hell bonding out of federal court. He doesn't want you mad at him, he wants you to tell him what you know. He uses you to get a line on Ordell, make a case, then take him federal. You know what Ordell's into? I have a pretty good idea. Ordell ain't no bootlegger and I doubt he's smugglin' Cuban cigars. So that only leaves one thing an A.T.F. man would be interested in. -I used to bring over ten thousand at a time. That's the legal limit, so I never brought more than that. How many trips did you make? -How many trips did you make? With ten thousand? Nine. -With ten thousand? Nine. He's got that kinda money? -He's got that kinda money? It's all in lock boxes in a Mexico bank. But he's got a problem. He's -- what do you call it when you got money, but don't have cash? -It's all in lock boxes in a Mexico bank. But he's got a problem. He's -- what do you call it when you got money, but don't have cash? Cash poor? -Cash poor? That's it. He's cash poor. He kept on me till I finally said okay. I'll bring whatever fits in a nine-by- twelve envelope. I got paid five hundred dollars, and his friend, Mr. Walker, in Mexico gave me the envelope. -That's it. He's cash poor. He kept on me till I finally said okay. I'll bring whatever fits in a nine-by- twelve envelope. I got paid five hundred dollars, and his friend, Mr. Walker, in Mexico gave me the envelope. If you knew bringing anything over ten thousand was against the law, why not pack a hundred grand? -Whatever it was had to fit in my bag and not hit you in the face if the bag was opened. This ain't solvin' my problem. I gotta figure out a way to either keep my job or get out of trouble. I'm off today, but if I can't leave the country I'm out of a job. And if I don't got a job, I can't hire a lawyer. Ask A.T.F. They might give you permission. -Ask A.T.F. They might give you permission. Yeah, if I cooperate. -Yeah, if I cooperate. Well, Jackie, you got caught, you're gonna have to give 'em something. -Well, Jackie, you got caught, you're gonna have to give 'em something. But if all I can give 'em is Ordell's name -- I don't really know shit about what he does or how he does it -- That don't give me much to bargain with. -But if all I can give 'em is Ordell's name -- I don't really know shit about what he does or how he does it -- That don't give me much to bargain with. Give 'em what you got. Offer to help. Show a willingness to be helpful. You want to stay out of jail, don't you? -What'dya think? I think maybe I have more options than I thought. -If you're having some. I am. Have a seat. -You get a chance to use it? I felt a lot safer having it. My milk went bad when I was in jail. -I felt a lot safer having it. My milk went bad when I was in jail. Black's fine. -Thanks, but I have my own now. You went out this morning and bought a gun? -What, I couldn't hear you? You went out this morning and bought a gun. -Somebody loan it to you? Yeah. -Want to hear some music? Sure. -I couldn't wait till I got home last night and wash my hair. It looks nice. -You never got into the whole CD revolution? I got a few. But I can't afford to start all over again. I got too much time and money invested in my records. -This is pretty. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Who is this? -Who is this? The Delfonics. -The Delfonics. '76? -'76? '74, I think. -'74, I think. It's nice. -I called in sick this morning. As far as the airline knows, I'm still available. Are you? -Are you? I don't know yet. I'm going to talk with Dargus and Nicolet today. Do what you suggested. Offer to help and see what happens. -I don't know yet. I'm going to talk with Dargus and Nicolet today. Do what you suggested. Offer to help and see what happens. What I meant was have a lawyer do the negotiating for you. -What I meant was have a lawyer do the negotiating for you. I want to talk to them first. I know more now about Ordell's money. -I want to talk to them first. I know more now about Ordell's money. Well, if the A.T.F. guy is the one who wants you, that'll only interest him up to a point. -Well, if the A.T.F. guy is the one who wants you, that'll only interest him up to a point. It's a lot of money. About a half-a- million dollars. All of it in Cabo in safe deposit boxes and more comin' in. -It's a lot of money. About a half-a- million dollars. All of it in Cabo in safe deposit boxes and more comin' in. How'd you find that out? -How'd you find that out? He told me last night. -He told me last night. He called you? -He called you? He came by. -He came by. What?... What'd you do? -What?... What'd you do? We talked. -He had his doubts at first. But he's always trusted me an wants more than anything to believe he still can. Why? -Why? He needs me. Without me all that money is just gonna sit over there in Cabo. Sugar? -He needs me. Without me all that money is just gonna sit over there in Cabo. Sugar? No thanks. There's gotta be other ways to get it out. -How do you get it out? Same way I been doin', but first they got to let me go back to work. -Same way I been doin', but first they got to let me go back to work. You're gonna offer to set him up? -You're gonna offer to set him up? If I get let off. Otherwise, fuck 'em. -If I get let off. Otherwise, fuck 'em. It's very possible Ordell's killed somebody. -It's very possible Ordell's killed somebody. I ain't goin' to jail, and I ain't doin' that probation thing again. -How do you feel about getting old? You're not old. You look great. -You're not old. You look great. I'm asking how you feel. Does it bother you? -I'm asking how you feel. Does it bother you? It's not really something I think about. -It's not really something I think about. Really? -Really? Okay, I'm a little sensitive about my hair. It started falling out ten years ago. So I did something about it. -Okay, I'm a little sensitive about my hair. It started falling out ten years ago. So I did something about it. How'd you feel about it? -How'd you feel about it? I'm fine with it, or I wouldn't of done it, I did it to feel better about myself, and I do. When I look in the mirror it looks like me. -I'm fine with it, or I wouldn't of done it, I did it to feel better about myself, and I do. When I look in the mirror it looks like me. It's different with men. -It's different with men. You know, I can't really feel too sorry for you in that department. -My ass ain't the same. Bigger? -Bigger? Yeah. -Does something else worry you? I just feel like I'm always starting over. You said how many bonds you wrote? -I just feel like I'm always starting over. You said how many bonds you wrote? Fifteen thousand. -Fifteen thousand. Well, I've flown seven million miles. And I've been waitin' on people almost twenty years. The best job I could get after my bust was Cabo Air, which is about the worst job you can get in this industry. I make about sixteen thousand, with retirement benefits, ain't worth a damn. And now with this arrest hanging over my head, I'm scared. If I lose my job I gotta start all over again, but I got nothin' to start over with. I'll be stuck with whatever I can get. And that scares me more than Ordell. -Well, hello. Surprise. -I walked right past you. I know, ignoring me. What're you up to? -I know, ignoring me. What're you up to? Catching a movie. -Catching a movie. What'd ya see? -What'd ya see? """American President""" -"""American President""" How was it? -How was it? Pretty good. Me and Annette Bening are goin steady. -Pretty good. Me and Annette Bening are goin steady. Oh, are you? Does she know that? -Oh, are you? Does she know that? No... ...I don't believe she's ever heard of me. But that doesn't mean we're not going steady. -Does it happen to all men? Well, I'd never be so bold as to speak for all men, but as or myself and a few of my friends, that's definitely the case. There's a lot of actresses out there you like, and there's some you have crushes on. But there's always one who you love. And with her it's sorta like going steady. -Well, I'd never be so bold as to speak for all men, but as or myself and a few of my friends, that's definitely the case. There's a lot of actresses out there you like, and there's some you have crushes on. But there's always one who you love. And with her it's sorta like going steady. And Annette's it for you? -And Annette's it for you? For now. These relationships never last too long. -Who was your girl before Annette? Sandra Bullock. You know her? -Sandra Bullock. You know her? "Yeah, she's the girl who drove the bus in ""Speed."" She's cute." -"Yeah, she's the girl who drove the bus in ""Speed."" She's cute." She's adorable. But I had to end it. -She's adorable. But I had to end it. Why? -Why? I'm old enough to be her father. -I'm old enough to be her father. How old's Annette? -How old's Annette? I don't care. -What're you, a bag lady? I go back to work tomorrow. -I go back to work tomorrow. You talk them into it? -You talk them into it? They seem to like the idea. -They seem to like the idea. Bring the money in and they follow it? -Bring the money in and they follow it? Yea, but I'm going to dress it up. Put the money in a shopping bag and hand it to someone I meet here. -Yea, but I'm going to dress it up. Put the money in a shopping bag and hand it to someone I meet here. You don't actually do it that way? -You don't actually do it that way? He always just picked it up at my place. But with A.T.F. involved, I want to stage it. You know, make it look more intriguing, like we know what the fuck we're doin'. Then it's up to Ray Nicolet, the A.T.F. guy to follow the shopping bag. -He always just picked it up at my place. But with A.T.F. involved, I want to stage it. You know, make it look more intriguing, like we know what the fuck we're doin'. Then it's up to Ray Nicolet, the A.T.F. guy to follow the shopping bag. Make the delivery somewhere in the mall. -Make the delivery somewhere in the mall. Right around here, in the food court. -Right around here, in the food court. Sit down, leave the bag under the table? -Will Ordell go for that? I'm helping him bring his money into America. He loves the idea. You just missed him. -I'm helping him bring his money into America. He loves the idea. You just missed him. He was here? -He was here? Yeah, we were goin' over everything. That's why all the bags. -Yeah, we were goin' over everything. That's why all the bags. I called you last night. -I called you last night. I know, I got your message. Ray wanted to have dinner. He wanted to talk about the sting we're plotting. That's what he calls it. A sting. He's being real nice to me. -I know, I got your message. Ray wanted to have dinner. He wanted to talk about the sting we're plotting. That's what he calls it. A sting. He's being real nice to me. You think he's got a thing for you? -You think he's got a thing for you? Maybe. But I'm thinking it might be something like he wants the money for himself. -Maybe. But I'm thinking it might be something like he wants the money for himself. I don't follow your logic. What does his being nice to you have to do with him wanting Ordell's money? -I don't follow your logic. What does his being nice to you have to do with him wanting Ordell's money? He's setting me up to make a proposition. -He's setting me up to make a proposition. I see. -I see. You don't propose something like that unless you're pretty sure the other person's into it. -You don't propose something like that unless you're pretty sure the other person's into it. Has he hinted around? -Has he hinted around? Not really. But I knew this narcotics cop one time. Told me that in a raid, the whole package never gets back to the station. His exact words. -Not really. But I knew this narcotics cop one time. Told me that in a raid, the whole package never gets back to the station. His exact words. You know some interesting people. -You know some interesting people. He weren't bullshittin' either, 'cause later he was suspended and forced to retire. -He weren't bullshittin' either, 'cause later he was suspended and forced to retire. Has Nicolet told you any colorful stories like that? -He tries to act cool. No harm in that. He's a young guy havin' fun being a cop. I know the type, trust me on this. He's more interested in Ordell than the money. If he's gonna do anything suspect, it'll be cutting corners to get the conviction; but he wouldn't walk off with the money. It's evidence. -No harm in that. He's a young guy havin' fun being a cop. I know the type, trust me on this. He's more interested in Ordell than the money. If he's gonna do anything suspect, it'll be cutting corners to get the conviction; but he wouldn't walk off with the money. It's evidence. What about you Max? -What about you Max? What? If I was in Nicolet's place? -What? If I was in Nicolet's place? No, I mean you, right now. Not it you were somebody else. -No, I mean you, right now. Not it you were somebody else. If I saw a way to walk off with a shopping bag full of money, would I take it? -If I saw a way to walk off with a shopping bag full of money, would I take it? You know where it came from. It's not like it's anybody's life savings. It wouldn't even be missed. -You know where it came from. It's not like it's anybody's life savings. It wouldn't even be missed. A half-a-million dollars will always be missed. -A half-a-million dollars will always be missed. You're avoiding the question. -You're avoiding the question. Okay, sure. I might be tempted. Especially now, since I'm getting out of the bail bonds business. -I have to stand behind all my active bonds, but I'm not writing any new ones. Why? -Why? A lot of reasons. But the main one would be I'm tired of it. -A lot of reasons. But the main one would be I'm tired of it. When did you decide? -When did you decide? It's been a long time coming. I finally made up my mind -- I guess it was Thursday. -Hi, I'm Max Cherry. Your bail bondsman. The day you got me out of jail? -The day you got me out of jail? Yeah, that night I went to pick up a guy. I hear he's staying at this house, so I sneak in, wait for him to come home. -Yeah, that night I went to pick up a guy. I hear he's staying at this house, so I sneak in, wait for him to come home. Wait a minute. After we were together you went and snuck into a guy's house? -Wait a minute. After we were together you went and snuck into a guy's house? Uh-huh. -Got another gun and a stun gun... And went to this guy's house in El Monte, and I waited for him. -And went to this guy's house in El Monte, and I waited for him. What do you do when he comes home? -What do you do when he comes home? Shoot him with the stun gun. While he's incapacitated, cuff him, take 'em to County. -Shoot him with the stun gun. While he's incapacitated, cuff him, take 'em to County. You do that? -You do that? That's my job. -That's my job. Did you do it that night? -Did you do it that night? "He never came home. But I'm sitting on the couch, in the dark, holding my stun gun and the whole house smells of mildew -- So after a couple hours I think, ""What am I doing here? Nineteen years of this shit? So I made up my mind, that's it." -"He never came home. But I'm sitting on the couch, in the dark, holding my stun gun and the whole house smells of mildew -- So after a couple hours I think, ""What am I doing here? Nineteen years of this shit? So I made up my mind, that's it." And is that it? -And is that it? More or less. -I'm not sure you answered my question. Which one? -Which one? If you had a chance, unemployed now, to walk off with a half-million dollars, would you take it? -If you had a chance, unemployed now, to walk off with a half-million dollars, would you take it? I believe I said I'd be tempted. -Don't even think about it. You could get yourself killed go to prison... What if I've figured a way? -The feds. It's evidence. It may be evidence once they get their hands on it, but right now it's only money. -You're rationalizing. That's what you do to go through with the shit you start. You rationalize. I can do this, Max, I know I can. But I can't do it without you. -I told them Ordell's changed the amount he's bringing in. Do you think they bought it? -Do you think they bought it? Oh, yeah. I got them thinking Ordell's real nervous. They love thinking he's scared of them. -Oh, yeah. I got them thinking Ordell's real nervous. They love thinking he's scared of them. You know, a good cop won't let you know he knows you're fulla shit. -You know, a good cop won't let you know he knows you're fulla shit. All he needed was a reasonable explanation. -It'll be more than that. Don't be so literal. Ray believed it. -Don't be so literal. Ray believed it. But you still have to show him the money at the airport. -But you still have to show him the money at the airport. Well, you know I'm not going to show him the whole amount. He'll see fifty thousand. -Well, you know I'm not going to show him the whole amount. He'll see fifty thousand. Where's the rest of it? -Where's the rest of it? In the bag underneath. -In the bag underneath. What if he checks it? -What if he checks it? He won't -- I mean, he didn't the last time. He'll be expecting fifty thousand and there it is -- on top. -He won't -- I mean, he didn't the last time. He'll be expecting fifty thousand and there it is -- on top. You're takin' a helluva chance kid. -You're takin' a helluva chance kid. Not really. If he finds it, I say Mr. Walker put the money in, and I didn't know nothing about it. Like the coke. -Not really. If he finds it, I say Mr. Walker put the money in, and I didn't know nothing about it. Like the coke. Then you're out and you get nothing. -Then you're out and you get nothing. Yeah, but I'm not in jail and I tried. -Yeah, but I'm not in jail and I tried. You're gonna have surveillance all over you. -You're gonna have surveillance all over you. That's why you don't make a move till I come out of the fitting room. -That's why you don't make a move till I come out of the fitting room. In a dress. -In a dress. Well, a suit. There's one I had my eye on. -How'd you find out? All Winston had to do was ask around. Ordell's living in Long Beach with a woman junkie. -All Winston had to do was ask around. Ordell's living in Long Beach with a woman junkie. How does Winston find him if A.T.F. and all the local Police can't? -How does Winston find him if A.T.F. and all the local Police can't? People talk to Winston. He's street, same as them, they trust him. They get busted, they know somebody who can bond them out. I thought I might drop in on him. He'll no doubt be surprised to see me. -People talk to Winston. He's street, same as them, they trust him. They get busted, they know somebody who can bond them out. I thought I might drop in on him. He'll no doubt be surprised to see me. He's liable to shoot you. -He's liable to shoot you. On the phone I told him I have the ten thousand he put up for your bond. I could bring the money and the papers for him to sign. Walk out and call the Sheriff's department. -Ray wants him. Everybody wants him, he's a homicide suspect. It doesn't matter who brings him in, he's gonna name you as an accessory. -That's why A.T.F.'s gotta make the case. I'm their witness. They wouldn't have a case without me. If it's his word against mine, who are they gonna believe? It's not that simple. -It never was, so I'm not gonna start worrying about it now. Look, Ray more or less believes my story, and he more or less doesn't care. All he really gives a shit about is getting Ordell. So how do we give Ordell to Nicolet? -So how do we give Ordell to Nicolet? Get Ordell to come to your office. -Get Ordell to come to your office. Set him up. -Set him up. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Tell him you want to see him? -Tell him you want to see him? Tell him I want to give him his money. -Tell him I want to give him his money. Why? -Why? I've chickened out. I'm afraid of him. He'll like that. -I've chickened out. I'm afraid of him. He'll like that. What do you tell Nicolet? -What do you tell Nicolet? Ordell called and wants to meet me and I'm scared. -Ordell called and wants to meet me and I'm scared. We get Ordell to come to my office. Nicolet -- is he already there, or does he come busting in while we're chatting? -He's already there. What if he hears something he's not supposed to? -What if he hears something he's not supposed to? Well, we don't let that happen, now do we? -I got your package. It was fun getting a half-a-million dollars in the mail. Less ten percent. -Less ten percent. Yeah, your fee. I had to figure that out, since there wasn't no note. -Only this isn't a bail bond, Max. I hesitated taking that much. -I hesitated taking that much. You worked for it -- if you're sure that's all you want. -You worked for it -- if you're sure that's all you want. I'm sure. -I saw Ray the other day. Boy is he pissed he missed all the excitement. What's he doing? -What's he doing? "He's on to a new thing. He's after a guy who owns a gun shop he says is ""woefully and wantonly"" selling assault rifles to minors. He says he's gonna take him down if it's the last thing he does." -"He's on to a new thing. He's after a guy who owns a gun shop he says is ""woefully and wantonly"" selling assault rifles to minors. He says he's gonna take him down if it's the last thing he does." Did you tell him you were leaving? -Did you tell him you were leaving? I told him I might. -That's Ordell's. They've confiscated all his other stuff. But this one's sorta left over. The registration's in the glove box, the keys were under the seat... What's a matter, haven't you ever borrowed someone's car? -They've confiscated all his other stuff. But this one's sorta left over. The registration's in the glove box, the keys were under the seat... What's a matter, haven't you ever borrowed someone's car? Not after they're dead. -I didn't use you, Max. I didn't say you did. -I didn't say you did. I never lied to you. -I never lied to you. I know. -I know. We're partners. -We're partners. I'm fifty-five-years old. I can't blame anybody for anything I do. -I'm fifty-five-years old. I can't blame anybody for anything I do. Do you blame yourself for helping me? -I'd feel a whole lot better if you took some more money. You'll get over that. -Where're you going? Spain. -Spain. Madrid or Barcelona? -Madrid or Barcelona? Start off in Madrid. Ever been there? -Wanna go? Thanks, but you have a good time. -Thanks, but you have a good time. Sure I can't twist your arm? -Sure I can't twist your arm? Thank you for saying that, but no. My business. -Thank you for saying that, but no. My business. I thought you were tired of your business? -I thought you were tired of your business? I'm just tired in general. -I'm just tired in general. Are you scared of me? -You tell those guys they'll have to do one helluva lot better than that before I'll even say 'hi' to them. Well, that's the State's offer. If you plead to possession and tell L.A.P.D. what they want to know, your bond will be set at one-thousand dollars. If you don't, L.A.P.D. will request one at twenty-five thousand based on your prior record and risk of flight. If you don't post it or don't know anyone who can, you'll spend six to eight weeks in County before your arraignment comes up. -Well, that's the State's offer. If you plead to possession and tell L.A.P.D. what they want to know, your bond will be set at one-thousand dollars. If you don't, L.A.P.D. will request one at twenty-five thousand based on your prior record and risk of flight. If you don't post it or don't know anyone who can, you'll spend six to eight weeks in County before your arraignment comes up. Who's side are you on? -Who's side are you on? I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? What if I plead guilty? -What if I plead guilty? And cooperate? You might get probation. -And cooperate? You might get probation. If I don't cooperate? -If I don't cooperate? With the prior? You could get anywhere from a year to five depending on the judge. You want to think about it? You got two minutes before we're up. -He say we like the same thing as married. Do you live together? -Most of the times. Not every day? -Sometimes every day, for a while. Then you don't see him for a few days? -Yes'm. You know what's in the bag you're taking? -You know what's in the bag you're taking? He say is a surprise. -He say is a surprise. Well, Sheronda, it was nice talking to you. -Oh, Miss Brown? Yeah? -And what would this be, Sweet and Low? What the fuck is that shit? -What the fuck is that shit? I know what it looks like. -I know what it looks like. You planted that shit on me. -Look, that shit ain't mine. It isn't enough for Trafficking, but how 'bout Posession with the Intent to Distribute? -We'll just be a minute. Can I smoke? -Thanks for waiting, Jackie. Now tell me, what can we do for you? I need permission to leave the country so I keep my job. -I need permission to leave the country so I keep my job. We can look into that. -We can look into that. I need it tomorrow. If I don't show up for work tomorrow, I'm fired. -I need it tomorrow. If I don't show up for work tomorrow, I'm fired. You know what we want. -You know what we want. If I'm working, I can help you. -Oh, so now you know him? You never asked me if I did or not. -No shit. You know how he makes his money? He sells guns. -He sells guns. You ever see him sell guns? -You ever see him sell guns? No. -No. Then how do you know he sells guns? -Then how do you know he sells guns? He told me. Besides, why else would an A.T.F. man be after him? -He told me. Besides, why else would an A.T.F. man be after him? How can you help us? -How can you help us? Short of wearing a wire, I'll do everything I can to help you throw his ass in jail. And in exchange for my help, I need permission to leave the country and immunity. -This is A.T.F. agent Ray Nicolet, Jackie Brown, Ordell Robbie money exchange trial run. It's three p.m., July 4th 1997. The location is the parking structure at LAX. What are you doing? -I'm recording this. I thought you were going to let this one through. -The envelope contains ten thousand dollars. The subject will be delivering the currency in a... A Broadway shopping bag. -Ordell has a white guy working for him named Louis. You two meet? -You two meet? This afternoon before I came here. He was with Ordell at an apartment in Hermosa Beach. I don't know if he lives there, but I can find out. -This afternoon before I came here. He was with Ordell at an apartment in Hermosa Beach. I don't know if he lives there, but I can find out. You talk to him? -You talk to him? Not really. -Not really. His full name is Louis Gara. He just got out from serving four years in Susanville. -His full name is Louis Gara. He just got out from serving four years in Susanville. What for? -What for? Bank robbery? Do you know what he does for Ordell? -Bank robbery? Do you know what he does for Ordell? I imagine shit needs to be done. -I imagine shit needs to be done. We've been following Mr. Gara, and he's definitely working for Ordell. -...Compton with a fifty-six-year- old petty thief -- woman named Simone Hawkins. Ever meet her, or they talk about her? -Ever meet her, or they talk about her? Not yet. -Not yet. Who's the other one? -Who's the other one? White girl named Melanie Ralston. Another girlfriend of Ordell's. -White girl named Melanie Ralston. Another girlfriend of Ordell's. What's her story? -What's her story? It was her coke I got busted with. She knows everything, but she's not part of it, and she's pissed cause she's not part of it. Ordell wouldn't even let her stay at the meeting. She tried to talk me into ripping off Ordell. -It was her coke I got busted with. She knows everything, but she's not part of it, and she's pissed cause she's not part of it. Ordell wouldn't even let her stay at the meeting. She tried to talk me into ripping off Ordell. And splittin' with her? -And splittin' with her? I'm sure that was the idea. -I'm sure that was the idea. What did you say? -What did you say? I smiled and walked away. She also told me Ordell killed Beaumont. -I smiled and walked away. She also told me Ordell killed Beaumont. She told you that? -She told you that? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Was she there? -Was she there? She didn't say. -She didn't say. But she mentioned Beaumont by name? -But she mentioned Beaumont by name? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Well, this sounds like a lady I'd like to have a word with. So everything's set for tomorrow? -Well, this sounds like a lady I'd like to have a word with. So everything's set for tomorrow? Right. Everything's the same, except one change... -You said that the last time. Well, it's true, isn't it? After this is buttoned up we could meet someplace else. What do you think? -Well, it's true, isn't it? After this is buttoned up we could meet someplace else. What do you think? We could, if I'm not in jail. -We could, if I'm not in jail. Oh, that's taken care of. I called the State Attorney's Office. You were no-filed this morning in Circuit Court. -That's fifty thousand, huh? It doesn't look like that much. I was told ten thousand in each pack. -I was told ten thousand in each pack. You didn't count it? -You didn't count it? I never have. It's not my money. -Ever been tempted? What? To put one of these in my pocket? -What? To put one of these in my pocket? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. If I did, I'd have to give you one, wouldn't I? Or we could take what we want. No one knows how much there is except us, right? -If I did, I'd have to give you one, wouldn't I? Or we could take what we want. No one knows how much there is except us, right? Yes. All those things are true. -Yes. All those things are true. After all, it don't belong to nobody, right? -After all, it don't belong to nobody, right? That would be one point of view. -That would be one point of view. Yeah, well, it's not a point of view that A.T.F. shares. Once we make it evidence, it belongs to us. You are now officially out of trouble. Don't do nothing stupid, now. -Yeah, well, it's not a point of view that A.T.F. shares. Once we make it evidence, it belongs to us. You are now officially out of trouble. Don't do nothing stupid, now. How can I do anything if I'm being watched every second? -How can I do anything if I'm being watched every second? I'm glad you realize that. Saves me the trouble of pointing it out to you. Put this in your shopping bag. It's what I expect to find when I look in Sheronda's. Comprende? -I'm glad you realize that. Saves me the trouble of pointing it out to you. Put this in your shopping bag. It's what I expect to find when I look in Sheronda's. Comprende? Si. -I thought I did. You didn't. I would think with all this on your mind, you'd wait till after. -You didn't. I would think with all this on your mind, you'd wait till after. I got there early. I've had my eye on this suit -- Wait, let's start over. I got there early. The idea was to try on the suit, see if I liked it. If I did, get them to wrap it up, and change back into my uniform. That's what Sheronda's expecting me to wear. Go meet Sheronda, give her the bag with fifty thousand, and go home. -I got there early. I've had my eye on this suit -- Wait, let's start over. I got there early. The idea was to try on the suit, see if I liked it. If I did, get them to wrap it up, and change back into my uniform. That's what Sheronda's expecting me to wear. Go meet Sheronda, give her the bag with fifty thousand, and go home. But you didn't do that. -But you didn't do that. Because I didn't have it. Ray, I swear, Melanie came in and grabbed it. And someone killed her for it. -Where's the bag she gave you? She didn't give me one. I told you before, Melanie wasn't part of the plan. Ordell must of told her to do it. She bursts in, grabs the shopping bag, and takes off. What am I supposed to do, go after her? I'm in my fucking underwear. I had to get dressed before I could do anything. So I put this back on 'cause could put this on faster than I could my uniform. -She didn't give me one. I told you before, Melanie wasn't part of the plan. Ordell must of told her to do it. She bursts in, grabs the shopping bag, and takes off. What am I supposed to do, go after her? I'm in my fucking underwear. I had to get dressed before I could do anything. So I put this back on 'cause could put this on faster than I could my uniform. You took the time to pay the saleswoman. -You took the time to pay the saleswoman. I had to. I was frantic. I didn't know what to do. -I had to. I was frantic. I didn't know what to do. What did you do after that? -What did you do after that? I went looking for you. I went straight to the bookstore, 'cause that's where you were last time, but you weren't there. How the hell else am I supposed to let anybody know what happened? You didn't tell me how to do that, did you? I knew I was under surveillance, so when I couldn't spot anybody, I started yelling. -I went looking for you. I went straight to the bookstore, 'cause that's where you were last time, but you weren't there. How the hell else am I supposed to let anybody know what happened? You didn't tell me how to do that, did you? I knew I was under surveillance, so when I couldn't spot anybody, I started yelling. There was a guy with Melanie? -There was a guy with Melanie? Not in the fitting room. -We had our agent on you. She sees a blonde come out of the fitting room carrying a Robinson's/May bag and tussle with a tough-looking white guy. The white guy takes the shopping bag and they go. This guy with Melanie, that was Louis Gara? -This guy with Melanie, that was Louis Gara? I didn't see him. I was in my underwear. If it was a white guy, it was probably Louis. He kill Melanie? -I didn't see him. I was in my underwear. If it was a white guy, it was probably Louis. He kill Melanie? It's possible. You're saying you don't have any idea what happened to that fifty thousand? -It's possible. You're saying you don't have any idea what happened to that fifty thousand? I have no idea. -I have no idea. You'd take a polygraph on it? -You'd take a polygraph on it? If it'll make you happy. -If it'll make you happy. I sure hope you haven't done anything dumb Jackie. -Louis Gara's dead. L.A.P.D. found him dead in a car on Ninth. And we've lost Ordell. I thought you were watching him. -I thought you were watching him. We were, and we lost him. He walked into a strip bar sometime around three thirty and never came out. The bar was on Ninth, less than a mile- and-a-half from where Louis was found dead. It looks like Louis's friend shot him twice at point blank range. -We were, and we lost him. He walked into a strip bar sometime around three thirty and never came out. The bar was on Ninth, less than a mile- and-a-half from where Louis was found dead. It looks like Louis's friend shot him twice at point blank range. So what happens now? -So what happens now? We pick up Ordell. We've got three murders we can link him to. We have the storage unit where he keeps his guns, by tomorrow we'll have a search warrant to go in and get him. And we have you. -We pick up Ordell. We've got three murders we can link him to. We have the storage unit where he keeps his guns, by tomorrow we'll have a search warrant to go in and get him. And we have you. What about me? -What about me? What about you? -What about you? Do you think I took some of that money? -Do you think I took some of that money? I have no evidence of your taking anything. You didn't pay for your snazzy new suit with marked bills; I was glad to see that. You've been helping us out, you gave us Melanie and Louis. Melanie had a packet of marked bills stuffed in her shorts when they found her, which goes a long way backing up your story. -Oh, hi. Buy ya a beer? -Buy ya a beer? I'm waiting for the phone. -I'm waiting for the phone. Good luck. That guy's been in there since I got here. -Good luck. That guy's been in there since I got here. Well, I guess I better look for another one, then. Thanks, anyway. -Sure. Great... ...Wanda! -Killian's. Better get me another Sam's. Join me in a Jaeger shot? -Better get me another Sam's. Join me in a Jaeger shot? Uh-uh. -Uh-uh. Gimme one anyway. -How long you been with Ordell? This time? Almost a year. I've known him forever. -This time? Almost a year. I've known him forever. What were you two fighting about? -What were you two fighting about? "He told me to go outside. ""You may leave us now."" It's all part of his pathetic attempt to be ""the man."" You know Mr. Walker don't you?" -Mr. Walker's my buddy. Ask him about Ordell. That coke was yours, wasn't it? -He said he didn't know about it. You believe that? Yeah, well, I guess you have to trust him. I'd have second thoughts on that, but then I know 'em. -He killed a guy who works for him the other day. Beaumont Livingston? -Beaumont Livingston? You already knew that? -You already knew that? Kinda. -Kinda. So tell me. Having all that money in your flight bag -- Is it tempting? -You think I'm kidding? Dreaming. -Dreaming. You know how easy it would be? He won't be anywhere near that mall. Pull one more switch, up front. That's it. Half-a-million dollars. Need help? -You know how easy it would be? He won't be anywhere near that mall. Pull one more switch, up front. That's it. Half-a-million dollars. Need help? Keep it between us girls? -Keep it between us girls? What's that fucker ever done for us? -What's that fucker ever done for us? I don't think so, but thanks for the beer. -Jackie? Hi, Melanie. -Hi, Melanie. Are you getting that black suit? -Are you getting that black suit? Yeah, do you like it? -Yeah, do you like it? It looks good on you. -It looks good on you. Do you got something for me? -Do you got something for me? You betcha. -I put a little cherry on top. You're right. What the hell he ever do for us? Thanks. -Thanks. Now be careful with that bag. You don't want it ripping open on you in the middle of the store. -How you doing, Ms. Jackie? I was expecting you. Come in. -I got some vodka in the freezer. Got some o.j.? -Got some o.j.? Yeah. -Well, then, why don't you be a good hostess and make me a screwdriver? Sure. -For what? Who you think got your ass outta jail? -The same guy who put me in, thanks a lot. Hey, you get caught with blow, that's your business. -I'magine they asked who you givin' it to, too. They asked. -They asked. And what was your answer? -And what was your answer? I said I wanted to talk to a lawyer. -I said I wanted to talk to a lawyer. You positive about that? You weren't nervous and let something slip by mistake? If you did, I ain't mad, I just gotta know. -Beaumont Livingston. I knew it. -I knew it. And they asked if I knew Mr. Walker. -Yeah? I didn't tell 'em anything. -This fella Beaumont, they say what happened to him? They told me. -What do you think it is? I think it's a gun pressing against my dick. -I think it's a gun pressing against my dick. You thought right... Now take your hands from around my throat, nigga. -What the hell you doin'? Shut your ass up and grab the wall! -Now, baby, that's got nothin' to do with you. I just carry that. You been listenin' to them cops too much. The cops didn't try and strangle my ass. -The cops didn't try and strangle my ass. Damn, Jackie, I was just playin' with you. -Damn, Jackie, I was just playin' with you. Well, I ain't playin with you. I'm gonna unload both these motherfuckers, you don't do what I tell you. Understand what I'm saying? -Well, I ain't playin with you. I'm gonna unload both these motherfuckers, you don't do what I tell you. Understand what I'm saying? Baby, I ain't come here -- She shoves both guns in Ordell's back. -Baby, I ain't come here -- She shoves both guns in Ordell's back. I said, you understand what I'm saying -I said, you understand what I'm saying I understand woman, damn! -I understand woman, damn! Go sit over in that chair. -I'm tellin' you, those cops been fuckin' wit your mind. They turn black against black, that's how they do. Shut your raggedy ass up and sit down. -I just came here to talk. Way I see it, me and you only got one thing to talk about. What you willing to do for me? -Let's get realistic, baby. Sooner or later they're gonna get around to offering me a plea deal, and you know that. That's why you came here to kill me. Baby, I didn't -- -Baby, I didn't -- It's okay. I forgive you. Now, let's say if I tell on you, I walk. And if I don't, I go to jail. -Yeah? One hundred thousand put in an escrow account in my name, if I'm convicted up to a year, or put on probation. If I have to do more than a year, you pay another hundred thousand. -I got a problem... All your money's in Mexico. -Yeah. I been thinkin about that, too, and I got me a idea. -I'll talk to the cops tomorrow and tell you if it's on. Talk to you tomorrow. -The Cockatoo Inn. The Cockatoo Inn? Where's that? -The Cockatoo Inn? Where's that? It's right on Hawthorne Boulevard and Manhattan Beach Boulevard. It's red brick... -It's right on Hawthorne Boulevard and Manhattan Beach Boulevard. It's red brick... Oh, wait, you mean that place that has the big sign with a rooster on it? -Oh, wait, you mean that place that has the big sign with a rooster on it? It's a cockatoo. -I bet you come here on a Saturday night, you need nigga repellent keep 'em off your ass. I do okay. -I do okay. You a fine lookin' woman, Jackie. I bet you do a damn sight better than okay. You think anybody followed you? -You a fine lookin' woman, Jackie. I bet you do a damn sight better than okay. You think anybody followed you? I don't think so, but it don't really matter. They know I'm meeting you. -I don't think so, but it don't really matter. They know I'm meeting you. How the fuck they know that? -How the fuck they know that? I told them. -You told em? You told em it's me? They already know it's you. -They already know it's you. Well, shit. That don't mean you gotta confirm it! -Well, shit. That don't mean you gotta confirm it! Look, the only way I can get permission to fly is if I agree to help them. Which is what I have to appear to be doing. So I give them something they already know. You. -Look, the only way I can get permission to fly is if I agree to help them. Which is what I have to appear to be doing. So I give them something they already know. You. Didja tell 'em anything else? -Didja tell 'em anything else? I told them you got a half a million dollars in Mexico, and you want me to bring it here. -You told them that? It's true, isn't it? -It's true, isn't it? What the fuck's that got to do with it? -What the fuck's that got to do with it? They know I'm delivering for you. I mention the half-million -- they don't give a fuck about that -- They want you with guns. So I say, well, if you want proof he's getting paid for selling them, let me bring the money in. -They know I'm delivering for you. I mention the half-million -- they don't give a fuck about that -- They want you with guns. So I say, well, if you want proof he's getting paid for selling them, let me bring the money in. What did they say? -...I make two deliveries. The first one with ten thousand, like a dry run. They watch it. See how it works. Then we do a second delivery, when I bring in the half mill. Naw, naw, that's too much exposure. I ain't goin anywhere near that money. -Naw, naw, that's too much exposure. I ain't goin anywhere near that money. You don't have to. I told 'em you're real careful. You never pick up money yourself. You always send someone, and I never know who it is. -You don't have to. I told 'em you're real careful. You never pick up money yourself. You always send someone, and I never know who it is. That's a good idea. -That's a good idea. If you just listen, you'll see it's a damn good idea. The first time I do it they're lurking about. They see me hand the ten thousand to someone. -If you just listen, you'll see it's a damn good idea. The first time I do it they're lurking about. They see me hand the ten thousand to someone. Who? -Who? I don't know. One of your friends. -I don't know. One of your friends. A woman. -A woman. If you want. -If you want. Yeah, I think a woman. -Yeah, I think a woman. The next trip, when I come with all the money, it'll look like I hand it to the same one I did before... -The next trip, when I come with all the money, it'll look like I hand it to the same one I did before... But you don't? -But you don't? No, I give it to someone else first. -No, I give it to someone else first. And they follow the wrong one thinkin' she's bringing it to me. -And they follow the wrong one thinkin' she's bringing it to me. That's the idea. -That's the idea. So we need two people, two women. -So we need two people, two women. Can you cover that? -Can you cover that? I got the woman covered. Where you thinkin' about doin' this? -I got the woman covered. Where you thinkin' about doin' this? I was thinkin' the Del Amo Mall. In the food court. -I was thinkin' the Del Amo Mall. In the food court. I suppose you see a piece of this for yourself? -I suppose you see a piece of this for yourself? Well, it's my plan. We're in this together. -Well, it's my plan. We're in this together. Yeah, but it's my money, and I don't need me a partner. -Yeah, but it's my money, and I don't need me a partner. I ain't your partner, I'm your manager. I'm managing to get your money out of Mexico, into America, in your hands, and I'm managing to do all this under the nose of the cops. That makes me your manager, and managers get fifteen percent. -I ain't your partner, I'm your manager. I'm managing to get your money out of Mexico, into America, in your hands, and I'm managing to do all this under the nose of the cops. That makes me your manager, and managers get fifteen percent. Managers get ten percent. -Managers get ten percent. That's an agent. Manager's get fifteen percent. -That's an agent. Manager's get fifteen percent. I'll give ya ten. -I'll give ya ten. Plus the same deal as before. -Plus the same deal as before. I can do that. -The money's in a Broadway shopping bag. I get some food, and sit down here in the food court. Then your girl comes -- you got somebody yet? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Who? -Who? What'd you care? -What'd you care? Look, it's my ass facin' the penitentiary. You send some hard- headed roc whore, and she fucks things up. -Look, it's my ass facin' the penitentiary. You send some hard- headed roc whore, and she fucks things up. I ain't gonna send no roc whore. The woman's cool, I promise. -Drink? I need to talk to you alone. -I don't want no more fuckin' surprises. We do this the way I laid it out, or we don't do it at all. What the hell you talkin' bout? -What the hell you talkin' bout? Sheronda passin' the money onto someone else, that's what the hell I'm talkin' 'bout. -Sheronda passin' the money onto someone else, that's what the hell I'm talkin' 'bout. How do you know she did that? -How do you know she did that? I was there, I saw her do it. -I was there, I saw her do it. Well, you weren't supposed to be there. -Well, you weren't supposed to be there. I know, but I hung around, 'cause I figured you'd try an' pull some shit like this. -I know, but I hung around, 'cause I figured you'd try an' pull some shit like this. Now, hold on there. I ain't pullin' no shit. It's my money, I can do whatever the fuck I wanna do with it. -Now, hold on there. I ain't pullin' no shit. It's my money, I can do whatever the fuck I wanna do with it. Not when it's my ass on the line you don't. We do this my way or fuck it. -Nicolet and Dargus stop me at the airport and mark the bills. Man, I don't like that part. -Man, I don't like that part. It washes off. I tell them we're doing it the same way as before. They'll follow Sheronda. I hate the idea of leaving her for a fall. -It washes off. I tell them we're doing it the same way as before. They'll follow Sheronda. I hate the idea of leaving her for a fall. She won't have no problems 'cause she don't know nothin'. -She won't have no problems 'cause she don't know nothin'. Are you sure she don't know about the money? -Are you sure she don't know about the money? She don't know shit about the money. -She don't know shit about the money. What does she think she's gettin? -What does she think she's gettin? I told her this is a game us rich folks play, exchanging gifts. Like a scavenger hunt. She didn't know what that was neither. No answer? -No, you gonna give her a Robinson's/May bag this time? Right, the one Simone gives me. Simone and I'll make the switch at Robinson's/May. She knows what I look like? -Right, the one Simone gives me. Simone and I'll make the switch at Robinson's/May. She knows what I look like? She saw you with Sheronda. So Simone goes to the dress department with her Robinson's/May bag. -She saw you with Sheronda. So Simone goes to the dress department with her Robinson's/May bag. Designer clothes. -Designer clothes. She waits for you to go in the place where you try things on. -She waits for you to go in the place where you try things on. The fitting room. There's a sign over the door. -So you come out with her Robinson's/May bag, go meet Sheronda. Simone peeks out, waits for my man Louis here to give her a signal nobody's watchin'. She leaves the store, gets in her car -- mission accomplished. Where you gonna be during all this? -Where you gonna be during all this? I'm gonna be sittin' at the titty bar In downtown L.A. till my man over here calls me and gives me the O.K. sign. -Who's paging you? Ray, the A.T.F. guy. -Ray, the A.T.F. guy. That works on my nerves, you bein' so buddy-buddy with him. -That works on my nerves, you bein' so buddy-buddy with him. If I wasn't, this wouldn't work. Now once I deliver I'll have to trust you. -If I wasn't, this wouldn't work. Now once I deliver I'll have to trust you. Well, I've been trusting you all this time, haven't I? We agreed on ten percent of what you bring in and that's what you gonna get. -And a hundred thousand if I go to jail. We're partners, Baby, sorta. I ain't gonna screw you. You haven't told me where I put it for you. -Give it to the bail bondsman, Max Cherry. He'll take care of it. Max Cherry? You and him friends now? You tell him about this shit? -Max Cherry? You and him friends now? You tell him about this shit? He won't know where the money came from. Only that it's money. -It's boring, isn't it? I can sit through it once. -I can sit through it once. He thinks he's Joe Gunn now. -He thinks he's Joe Gunn now. I'm impressed. He knows a lot. -I'm impressed. He knows a lot. He's just repeating shit he overheard. He ain't any more a gun expert than I am. -Want a hit? Sure. -When did you get out of jail? Four days ago. -Four days ago. Where at? -Where at? Susanville. -Susanville. How long? -How long? Two months shy of four years. -Two months shy of four years. Four years? -Four years? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. What for? -What for? Bank robbery. -Bank robbery. Really, I'm impressed. -Is it ready to go? Yeah, there's another hit left. -You okay? Yeah, I'm just gettin' old. I can't smoke or laugh now it seems without coughing. -Yeah, I'm just gettin' old. I can't smoke or laugh now it seems without coughing. Coughing opens up the capillaries. When you cough, you're getting air -- in this case smoke -- to parts of the lung that don't normally get used. Coughing's good -- gets ya higher. My dad coughs when he smokes all the time. -Want a Metrix? What's a Metrix? -It's like this major meal in a shake you drink instead of having a big meal. It's a diet thing? -It's a diet thing? No, it's what body builders drink to beef up. -No, it's what body builders drink to beef up. No thanks. -Which one? The roller disco one. -The roller disco one. Fourteen. -You're fourteen years old here? Yeah. -Yeah. I thought you were sixteen. -I thought you were sixteen. I was pretty much the same height now as I was then. -I was pretty much the same height now as I was then. Were you a disco girl? -Were you a disco girl? Noooo, I was a surfer girl. Besides, I was only fourteen. I couldn't go to discos. -Noooo, I was a surfer girl. Besides, I was only fourteen. I couldn't go to discos. So where did you go? -So where did you go? The beach. Or get high, drop acid at a friend's place. I was a K.L.O.S. girl. I hated disco. -"That was taken at a place called ""Flippers."" It was in Hollywood. Were you in L.A. back then?" No. -No. Where were you? -Where were you? Detroit. -Detroit. With Ordell? -With Ordell? We had done time together already. -Were you a disco guy? No. -No. C'mon, don't lie. -C'mon, don't lie. I don't like dancing. -I don't like dancing. Did you ever go I one? -Did you ever go I one? I went to a few just to meet women. But I don't like to dance, and it's so fuckin; loud. During that whole scene I just drank in bars. Who didn't make the cut? -I went to a few just to meet women. But I don't like to dance, and it's so fuckin; loud. During that whole scene I just drank in bars. Who didn't make the cut? That's a picture of me in Japan. -That's a picture of me in Japan. You been to Japan? -You been to Japan? I lived there for about nine months. -I lived there for about nine months. You lived in Japan, when? -You lived in Japan, when? About five years ago. -About five years ago. Who's arm is that? -Who's arm is that? That's the guy I lived with... his name was... Hirosh. -That's the guy I lived with... his name was... Hirosh. Must of made quite an impression. -Must of made quite an impression. I never got to know him, really. I couldn't speak Japanese, and his English was terrible. But I couldn't say anything, because his English was better than my Japanese. -I never got to know him, really. I couldn't speak Japanese, and his English was terrible. But I couldn't say anything, because his English was better than my Japanese. That sounds like a problem. -That sounds like a problem. Not really. We didn't have much to say to each other anyway. I never got to know him that well, but I knew enough to know I wasn't missing much. I keep that, because of all the fuckin' time I was there, that's the only picture I got of me in Japan. That's Japan. -Wanna fuck? Sure. -Yeah, that really hit the spot. Now that's over, let's get to know each other. -Is it dead? Yeah. -Well, so far he is. But you have to admit he's not too bright. I wouldn't go so far as to say that. -He killed a man worked for him the other night. So what are you trying to tell me? I should get out of here? -That's not what I'm saying at all. You know where he went? No. -No. He went to meet that stewardess. -He went to meet that stewardess. Does that bother you? -Please. You live with him. -You live with him. I live here. He drops in and out. He tell you about that half-million dollars he's got in Mexico? -I live here. He drops in and out. He tell you about that half-million dollars he's got in Mexico? Uh-huh? -Uh-huh? Course he did, he tells everybody who'll listen. That's what he's doin' with this stewardess. He's scheming how he can get it over here. -Course he did, he tells everybody who'll listen. That's what he's doin' with this stewardess. He's scheming how he can get it over here. And your point is? -And your point is? Let him and that stewardess get that money over here... -Let him and that stewardess get that money over here... Uh-huh? -Uh-huh? ...and just take it from him. -We're leaving now! All right already. -Jesus Christ, get a grip, Louis. We shoulda been there already and we woulda been if it hadn't been for your fuckin' around! -That's a nice outfit on her. I'm gonna go over and look at this Michi Moon display. Just stay right fuckin' here, all right? -Just stay right fuckin' here, all right? Are you sweating? -What are you doin'? I'm getting out of here. What do you think? -I'm getting out of here. What do you think? Lemme have the bag. -Lemme have the bag. Fuck you. I can carry it. -Goddam you. Gimme that bag, Watch it, dipshit. You wanna rip the fuckin' bag? -Watch it, dipshit. You wanna rip the fuckin' bag? Gimme that bag before I knock you out and take it. -I'm carrying it. Okay, you got it. Just take a chill pill, for christ sake. -Is it this aisle, Lou-is? Yeah, down the end. -Yeah, down the end. You sure? -Is it this aisle or the next one over? This one. -This one. You sure? -I mean it. Don't say one fuckin' word. Okay, Lou-is. -Thanks, Baby. Who's your partner? -"See, what did I tell you? Man in New York wants a 9 millimeter Smith and Wesson Model 5946. Why does he want it? It's the gun that nigga on ""New York Undercover"" uses. Because of that nigga, I can sell it to this nigga for twelve-fifty." What's your cost? -What's your cost? As low as two. -As low as two. Are you serious? -Are you serious? That's what I been tellin' you. Start adding these motherfuckin' figures up, and you tell me this ain't a business to be in. -I got me five M-60 machine guns. These came straight from the Gulf War. I sold me three of them so far, twenty grand a piece. That's good money. -That's good money. Louis, this is it, man. I'm gonna make me a million dollars out of this. I already got me a half-a- million sittin' in Mexico. When I do this last delivery, I'm gonna make me another half-million. -Louis, this is it, man. I'm gonna make me a million dollars out of this. I already got me a half-a- million sittin' in Mexico. When I do this last delivery, I'm gonna make me another half-million. Then what? -Then what? I get out. Spend the rest of my life spending. -I'm going to wait in the car. Sure. We almost done, ain't we? -Take the keys, man. Listen to music. Which one is for the car? -This one's for the ignition... ...but you gotta hit this thing to shut the alarm off and unlock the door. What do I do? -What do I do? "You ain't got to do nothing. Just point at it and push the button. You'll hear the car go ""bleep."" That means the alarm's off and the doors are open." -"You ain't got to do nothing. Just point at it and push the button. You'll hear the car go ""bleep."" That means the alarm's off and the doors are open." Okay. -Okay. Now play the volume as loud as you want but don't touch my levels. I got them set just the way I want 'em. -Louis, my man. Watcha doin'? Oh, I dunno. Watching TV. -Oh, I dunno. Watching TV. Whatcha watchin'? -Whatcha watchin'? Nothin' really. Just kinda goin' back and forth. They had some black girl from some black show on Jay Leno. I watched that for a bit, but I kept flippin channels cause I didn't know who she was. -Nothin' really. Just kinda goin' back and forth. They had some black girl from some black show on Jay Leno. I watched that for a bit, but I kept flippin channels cause I didn't know who she was. Guess where I am? -Guess where I am? I dunno. -I dunno. I know you don't know. I said guess. -I know you don't know. I said guess. The moon -- I dunno -The moon -- I dunno I'm talkin' to you from the comfy- cozy interior of an Oldsmobile parked outside your nasty-ass welfare motel. -I'm talkin' to you from the comfy- cozy interior of an Oldsmobile parked outside your nasty-ass welfare motel. You're outside? -You're outside? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. C'mon in. -C'mon in. Naw, man. I just told you, I'm comfortable. I ain't about to walk into that roach motel and get uncomfortable. You bring your ass out here. -Naw, man. I just told you, I'm comfortable. I ain't about to walk into that roach motel and get uncomfortable. You bring your ass out here. I'm in my underwear. -I'm in my underwear. Then put your goddam drawers on, and get your ass out here. I got somethin' to show you. -Who was that? That was Beaumont. -That was Beaumont. Who was Beaumont? -Who was Beaumont? An employee I had to let go. -An employee I had to let go. What did he do? -What did he do? He put himself in a situation where he was gonna have to do ten years in the penetentiary, that's what he did. And if you know Beaumont, you know there ain't no way in hell he can do no ten years. And if you know that, you know Beaumont's gonna go any goddam thing Beaumont can to keep from doin' those ten years including telling the Federal government everything they want to know about my ass. Now that, my friend, is a clear case of him or me. And you best believe it ain't gonna be me. You know what I'm sayin'? You gonna come in on this with me, you gotta be prepared to go all the way. I got me so far over a half-a-million dollars sittin' in lockboxes in a bank in Cabo San Lucas. Me and Mr. Walker make us one more delivery, I'm gonna have me over a million. You think I'm gonna let this little cheese eatin' nigga here fuck that up? Shit, you better think again. 'Fore I let this deal get fucked up, I'll shoot that nigga in the head, and ten niggas look just like em. Understand what I'm sayin'? -He put himself in a situation where he was gonna have to do ten years in the penetentiary, that's what he did. And if you know Beaumont, you know there ain't no way in hell he can do no ten years. And if you know that, you know Beaumont's gonna go any goddam thing Beaumont can to keep from doin' those ten years including telling the Federal government everything they want to know about my ass. Now that, my friend, is a clear case of him or me. And you best believe it ain't gonna be me. You know what I'm sayin'? You gonna come in on this with me, you gotta be prepared to go all the way. I got me so far over a half-a-million dollars sittin' in lockboxes in a bank in Cabo San Lucas. Me and Mr. Walker make us one more delivery, I'm gonna have me over a million. You think I'm gonna let this little cheese eatin' nigga here fuck that up? Shit, you better think again. 'Fore I let this deal get fucked up, I'll shoot that nigga in the head, and ten niggas look just like em. Understand what I'm sayin'? Yeah. -Yeah. So we on the same page then? -So we on the same page then? I follow. -I didn't look like a bum. But you did have a Salvation Army- thing going. -How much is there? Over half-million dollars worth of merchandise. -Can I ask you about Melanie? Sure. -Sure. What's your relationship? -What's your relationship? She one of the women I got set up. I got Melanie in Hermosa Beach. I rent Simone a small house in Compton, and about four blocks away I got me this nineteen-year-old country girl named Sheronda. I found her waitin' for a bus two days outta Alabama, barefoot, country as a chicken coop. Took her to my house in Compton, told her it was Hollywood. -She one of the women I got set up. I got Melanie in Hermosa Beach. I rent Simone a small house in Compton, and about four blocks away I got me this nineteen-year-old country girl named Sheronda. I found her waitin' for a bus two days outta Alabama, barefoot, country as a chicken coop. Took her to my house in Compton, told her it was Hollywood. She believed you? -She believed you? Hell, yeah. To her dumb country ass, Compton is Hollywood. Close as she's ever been, anyway. -"If this is about you fucked Melanie, I don't give a damn. I ain't a fool. I leave you alone with a bitch like Melanie, you're gonna be fuckin' that twenty minutes after I'm out the door. So say ""thank you"" and I'll tell you, ""you're welcome.""" That's not what I meant when I asked did you trust her. -She tryin' to work your ass against me, ain't she? Yep. -Yep. You didn't even hafta say it. I know the woman. -You didn't even hafta say it. I know the woman. Well, why the fuck keep her around? -Well, why the fuck keep her around? 'Cause she my fine little surfer gal. She can't do me no harm. Fact she think she can play you against me shows how little she knows. You could teach that bitch for days how it is 'tween me an you, she never understand a damn word. -'Cause she my fine little surfer gal. She can't do me no harm. Fact she think she can play you against me shows how little she knows. You could teach that bitch for days how it is 'tween me an you, she never understand a damn word. Why do you let someone know your business you can't trust? -Why do you let someone know your business you can't trust? I don't hafta trust her, I know her. -I don't hafta trust her, I know her. What does that mean? -What does that mean? You can't trust Melanie. But you can always trust Melanie to be Melanie. -I still don't understand why you keep her around. I told you, man. She my fine little surfer gal. -Uh-huh. Hang it up, she's on her way. You gotta listen to this. This involves you. -Well, you the one in motherfuckin' charge. Well, she keeps saying 'in a minute.' -Well, she keeps saying 'in a minute.' Go in there, snatch her by the hair, and drag her big ass out. This is my goddam money we're talking about. Get your ass out the door. -It's Louis. Did you get it? -Did you get it? I got it. Listen, there's something else I have to tell you. -I got it. Listen, there's something else I have to tell you. When I see you. Pick me up at Sam's. You count the money? -When I see you. Pick me up at Sam's. You count the money? I haven't even looked at it yet, it's still in the shopping bag. -I haven't even looked at it yet, it's still in the shopping bag. Melanie must be dyin' to see it. Louis. -Melanie must be dyin' to see it. Louis. That's what I got to talk to you about. You see, Melanie was giving me a hard time -- -That's what I got to talk to you about. You see, Melanie was giving me a hard time -- Not now, pick me up. -You keep drivin' down Ninth, to where they got all them car dealerships. We're gonna leave this heap in a parking lot and get one the cops don't know about. Hey, where's Melanie? "That's what I gotta tell you. She bugged me the whole time. Got pissy with me 'cause I wouldn't let her carry the bag. Started running her fuckin' mouth... I couldn't remember right away when we came out where the car was parked, so she got on me about that. ""Is it this aisle Lou- is, is it that one?"" She was totally fuckin' with my nerves." -"That's what I gotta tell you. She bugged me the whole time. Got pissy with me 'cause I wouldn't let her carry the bag. Started running her fuckin' mouth... I couldn't remember right away when we came out where the car was parked, so she got on me about that. ""Is it this aisle Lou- is, is it that one?"" She was totally fuckin' with my nerves." So what, you left her there. -So what, you left her there. I shot her. -You shot Melanie? Twice. In the parking lot. -Twice. In the parking lot. Couldn't talk to her? -Couldn't talk to her? You know how she is. -You know how she is. You couldn't just hit her? -You couldn't just hit her? Maybe... but at that moment... I dunno... -Maybe... but at that moment... I dunno... You shot her twice? -You shot her twice? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. So you're sure she's dead. -So you're sure she's dead. Pretty sure. -Pretty sure. Where did you shoot her? -Where did you shoot her? In the chest and stomach. -In the chest and stomach. Well, if you had to do it, you had to do it. What we don't want is that bitch surviving on us. Anybody but that woman. -Louis? What? -What? Where's the rest of it? -Where's the rest of it? How much it there? -How much it there? Maybe forty, maybe not that much. -Maybe forty, maybe not that much. You said five hundred and fifty! -You said five hundred and fifty! So you light, ain't you. You light about a half-a-million. -So you light, ain't you. You light about a half-a-million. Look, that's the bag she came out with. She never even put her hand in it, and neither did I. -Look, that's the bag she came out with. She never even put her hand in it, and neither did I. Came outta where? -Came outta where? The fitting room. It went down exactly the way it was supposed to. -The fitting room. It went down exactly the way it was supposed to. How long was she in there? -How long was she in there? Maybe a minute. She came right out. -Maybe a minute. She came right out. Louis, You tellin' me the truth? -Louis, You tellin' me the truth? Look, I swear to fucking god, she came out with that bag and I took it from her. -Look, I swear to fucking god, she came out with that bag and I took it from her. Then what? -Then what? We went to the parking lot. -We went to the parking lot. Where you shot her. -Where you shot her. That's right. -That's right. You sure she ain't somewhere with a half-a-million dollars I worked my ass off to earn? -You sure she ain't somewhere with a half-a-million dollars I worked my ass off to earn? Fuck you for asking me that. -Fuck you for asking me that. Pull the car over. -What'd you shoot her with? It's in there. -Okay, so it was Jackie Brown. If she's got it, why didn't she take it all? -If she's got it, why didn't she take it all? 'fore I blow that bitch's brains out, I'll ask her. -'fore I blow that bitch's brains out, I'll ask her. Maybe the Feds got it. -Maybe the Feds got it. If there were nothin; in here but towels, maybe she didn't get a chance to take it from her suitcase and A.T.F. got it. But, she put these fuckin' books in here to trick our ass. -If there were nothin; in here but towels, maybe she didn't get a chance to take it from her suitcase and A.T.F. got it. But, she put these fuckin' books in here to trick our ass. That's why I never checked it. The bag felt right. -That's why I never checked it. The bag felt right. Then she throws forty thousand in here, to rub the shit in my face, know what I'm saying? She wants me to know she ripped me off. -Then she throws forty thousand in here, to rub the shit in my face, know what I'm saying? She wants me to know she ripped me off. I don't know. Either she has it or the Feds. -I don't know. Either she has it or the Feds. Or... ...she gave it to somebody else first, before Melanie went in the dressing room. -Jesus Christ. What? -What? You know who I saw in the dress department? -You know who I saw in the dress department? Tell me. -Tell me. I didn't really think anything of it. No -- I did wonder what he was doing there, but didn't think it had anything to do with us. You know like maybe he was there with his wife or girlfriend. -I didn't really think anything of it. No -- I did wonder what he was doing there, but didn't think it had anything to do with us. You know like maybe he was there with his wife or girlfriend. You gonna tell me who it was? -You gonna tell me who it was? Max Cherry. -You see Max Cherry in the dress department. We're about to be handed half-a-million dollars -- Man, look at me when I'm talking to you! And you don't think nothing of him being there! Do Max Cherry and Jackie Brown know each other? -Do Max Cherry and Jackie Brown know each other? Hell, yes, they know each other. He bonded her out of county. -Hell, yes, they know each other. He bonded her out of county. How am I supposed to know that? -How am I supposed to know that? You know the motherfucker's a bail bondsman, don't ya? You know every last one of them motherfuckers is crooked as hell? -You know the motherfucker's a bail bondsman, don't ya? You know every last one of them motherfuckers is crooked as hell? Why should I think anything's weird, if I don't know nothin' about them knowing each other? -Why should I think anything's weird, if I don't know nothin' about them knowing each other? Man, I don't want to hear your fuckin' excuses! -I ain't givin' you fuckin' excuses, I'm givin' you reasons. Oh, you gonna tell me the reason you lost all the goddam money I got in the world! Let me tell you the reason, motherfucker! The reason is, your ass ain't worth a shit no more! -I'm going out for a few hours. Hold on a minute. Where you going? -Hold on a minute. Where you going? I'm going to Del Amo, see a movie, get something to eat. -I'm going to Del Amo, see a movie, get something to eat. Watcha gonna see? -Watcha gonna see? Whatever looks best and starts the soonest. -Whatever looks best and starts the soonest. Have fun. -You're right, that was Ordell. You have time, you think you could find out for me where he's staying? Cops can't locate him, huh? -Cops can't locate him, huh? They don't have your winning personality. -They don't have your winning personality. Sure thing. I don't have to know what I'm doing, long as you know. -Sure thing. I don't have to know what I'm doing, long as you know. I think I do. Is that good enough? -How can I help you? Where would you like me to put my ash? -That's Winston. He works here. He's a big one. You two tight? -He's a big one. You two tight? Yeah. -Yeah. It was our idea to take the picture, wasn't it? -So, you want a ten-thousand dollar bond. What've you got for collateral? Gonna have to put up cash. -Gonna have to put up cash. You have it with you? -It's in my bag. You have cash. What do you need me for? -You have cash. What do you need me for? C'mon, you know how they do. Black man comes in with ten thousand, they wanna fuck with 'em. First off, they gonna wanna know where I got it. Second, they gonna keep a big chunk of it -- start talkin' that court cost shit. Fuck that shit, Jack. I'll go through you. -C'mon, you know how they do. Black man comes in with ten thousand, they wanna fuck with 'em. First off, they gonna wanna know where I got it. Second, they gonna keep a big chunk of it -- start talkin' that court cost shit. Fuck that shit, Jack. I'll go through you. Cost you a thousand for the bond. -Cost you a thousand for the bond. I know that. -Who's it for? A relative? "Fella named Beaumont. They have him up at county. It started out drunk driving, but they wrote it up ""possession of a concealed weapon."" Dumb monkey-ass had a pistol on him." -"Fella named Beaumont. They have him up at county. It started out drunk driving, but they wrote it up ""possession of a concealed weapon."" Dumb monkey-ass had a pistol on him." Ten thousand sounds high. -Ten thousand sounds high. They ran his name and got a hit. He's been in before. -He takes off and I gotta go to Kentucky to bring him back, you pay the expenses. You think you could do that? -What's his full name? Beaumont. That's the only name I know. -Getting there. You go wait in the car. Wait a minute. -Beaumont Livingston. Livingston, huh? -Livingston, huh? On his prior, he served nine months, and he's working on four years' probation. -On his prior, he served nine months, and he's working on four years' probation. You don't say. -You don't say. Do you know what he's on probation for? -Do you know what he's on probation for? Haven't a clue. -Haven't a clue. Possession of unregistered machine guns. -Possession of unregistered machine guns. Will they consider this a violation of his probation? -Will they consider this a violation of his probation? They do consider this a violation of his probation. Your boy's looking at ten years, plus the concealed weapon. -They do consider this a violation of his probation. Your boy's looking at ten years, plus the concealed weapon. Man, he won't like that. Beaumont don't got a doin' time disposition. -Man, he won't like that. Beaumont don't got a doin' time disposition. I need your name and address. -I need your name and address. Ordell Robbie. O-R-D-E-L-L. R-O-B-B- I-E. 1436 Florence Boulevard. Compton 90222. -Ordell Robbie. O-R-D-E-L-L. R-O-B-B- I-E. 1436 Florence Boulevard. Compton 90222. House or apartment? -House or apartment? House. -House. Now I need you to count your money. -Across the street a Great Western. It goes in a trust account. You'll need to fill out an Application for Appearance Bond, an Indemnity Agreement, a Contingent Promissory Note. That's the one, if Beaumont skips and I go after him, you pay the expenses. Beaumont ain't going nowhere. Where do I sign? -Hey, Max. Yes. -Yes. I was wondering. What if before the court date gets here, Beaumont gets hit by a bus or something and dies. I get my money back, don't I? -Comfortable? The door was opened, so I just came right in. -The door was opened, so I just came right in. I can see that. Why? -I can see that. Why? I got some more business for ya. -I got some more business for ya. Oh, yeah? What did he do? -Oh, yeah? What did he do? She is an airline stewardess. Got caught coming back from Mexico with some blow. They set her bond this afternoon at ten thousand. Now, what I was thinkin', you could use the ten thousand you owe me from Beaumont and move it over on to the stewardess. -She is an airline stewardess. Got caught coming back from Mexico with some blow. They set her bond this afternoon at ten thousand. Now, what I was thinkin', you could use the ten thousand you owe me from Beaumont and move it over on to the stewardess. The bond for possession is only a thousand. -The bond for possession is only a thousand. They fuckin' wit' her. They callin' it Possession with Intent. A black woman in her forties gets busted with less than two ounces on her, they call that shit Intent. Same shit happened to a movie star. It's Possession. -They fuckin' wit' her. They callin' it Possession with Intent. A black woman in her forties gets busted with less than two ounces on her, they call that shit Intent. Same shit happened to a movie star. It's Possession. It still sounds high. -It still sounds high. She had, I believe it was... fifty grand on her, too. There was a cop at the hearing. Young guy with L.A.P.D. wanted her bond set at twenty- five thousand, saying there was a risk of flight. Jackie being a stewardess and all. -She had, I believe it was... fifty grand on her, too. There was a cop at the hearing. Young guy with L.A.P.D. wanted her bond set at twenty- five thousand, saying there was a risk of flight. Jackie being a stewardess and all. Before we start talking about stewardess, let's get Beaumont out of the way first. -Somebody already did. What? -What? You didn't hear? -You didn't hear? Hear what? -Hear what? Somebody with a grudge blew Beaumont's brains out -- hey, that rhymes -- blew Beaumont's brains out. -Somebody with a grudge blew Beaumont's brains out -- hey, that rhymes -- blew Beaumont's brains out. Did the police contact you? -Did the police contact you? Very first motherfuckin' thing they did. They see I put up a big money bond on my boy, they start thinking with that where-there's-smoke-there's fire logic. They roust my ass outta bed, ten o'clock in the morning. Fuckin' scare my woman, Sherona, half to death. She thought they were gonna take my ass away for sure. -Very first motherfuckin' thing they did. They see I put up a big money bond on my boy, they start thinking with that where-there's-smoke-there's fire logic. They roust my ass outta bed, ten o'clock in the morning. Fuckin' scare my woman, Sherona, half to death. She thought they were gonna take my ass away for sure. The stewardess. Do you know her last name? -The stewardess. Do you know her last name? Brown, Jackie Brown. -Brown, Jackie Brown. What does she do for you? -What does she do for you? Who says she does anything for me? She's my friend. When my friends get into trouble, I like to help 'em out. -Who says she does anything for me? She's my friend. When my friends get into trouble, I like to help 'em out. Beaumont worked for you. -Beaumont worked for you. That's what the police thought. I told them I'm unemployed, how could I have anybody work for me? Now I bail out Jackie, I'm liable to have the police on me again, huh? Wanting to know was she doing things for me, was she bringing me that money! -That's what the police thought. I told them I'm unemployed, how could I have anybody work for me? Now I bail out Jackie, I'm liable to have the police on me again, huh? Wanting to know was she doing things for me, was she bringing me that money! Was she? -Was she? Is this, me and you, like a lawyer- client relationship? The lawyer can't tell nothing he hears? -Is this, me and you, like a lawyer- client relationship? The lawyer can't tell nothing he hears? You're not my client until you get busted and I bond you out. -You're not my client until you get busted and I bond you out. If there's no -- what do you call it -- confidentiality between us? Why would I tell you anything? -If there's no -- what do you call it -- confidentiality between us? Why would I tell you anything? Cause you want me to know what a slick guy you are. You got stewardesses bringing you fifty grand. -Cause you want me to know what a slick guy you are. You got stewardesses bringing you fifty grand. Why would a stewardess bring me fifty grand? -Why would a stewardess bring me fifty grand? You want me to speculate on what you do. I'd say you're in the drug business, except the money's moving in the wrong direction. Whatever you're into, you seem to be getting away with it, so more power to you. Okay you want another bond, and you want to move over the ten thousand you put down on Beaumont to the stewardess. That means paperwork. I have to get a death certificate, present it to the court, fill out a receipt for return of bond collateral, then type up another application. An indemnity agreement -- -You want me to speculate on what you do. I'd say you're in the drug business, except the money's moving in the wrong direction. Whatever you're into, you seem to be getting away with it, so more power to you. Okay you want another bond, and you want to move over the ten thousand you put down on Beaumont to the stewardess. That means paperwork. I have to get a death certificate, present it to the court, fill out a receipt for return of bond collateral, then type up another application. An indemnity agreement -- Jackie ain't got time for all that shit -- -Jackie ain't got time for all that shit -- I'm telling you what I have to do. What you have to do, in case you forgot, is come up with premium of a thousand bucks. -I'm telling you what I have to do. What you have to do, in case you forgot, is come up with premium of a thousand bucks. I got it. I just don't got it on me. -I got it. I just don't got it on me. Well, come back when you do, and I'll bond out the stewardess. -Well, come back when you do, and I'll bond out the stewardess. Man, you know I'm good for it. Thousand bucks ain't shit. -Man, you know I'm good for it. Thousand bucks ain't shit. If I don't see it in front of me, you're right. It ain't shit. -If I don't see it in front of me, you're right. It ain't shit. Man, you need to look at this with a little compassion. Jackie ain't no criminal. She ain't used to this kinda treatment. I mean, gangsters don't give a fuck -- but for the average citizen, coupla nights in County fuck with your mind. -Man, you need to look at this with a little compassion. Jackie ain't no criminal. She ain't used to this kinda treatment. I mean, gangsters don't give a fuck -- but for the average citizen, coupla nights in County fuck with your mind. Ordell, this isn't a bar, an you don't have a tab. -Ordell, this isn't a bar, an you don't have a tab. Just listen for a second. We got a forty-year-old, gainfully employed black woman, falsely accused -- -Just listen for a second. We got a forty-year-old, gainfully employed black woman, falsely accused -- Falsely accused? She didn't come back from Mexico with cocaine on her? -Falsely accused? She didn't come back from Mexico with cocaine on her? "Falsely accused of Intent. If she had that shit -- and mind you, I said ""if"" -- it was just her shit to get high with." -"Falsely accused of Intent. If she had that shit -- and mind you, I said ""if"" -- it was just her shit to get high with." Is white guilt supposed to make me forget I'm running a business? -Where is it? Is that what I think it is? -What's up with this shit. I think falling in live with movie stars is something that happens to a man as he gets older. -You know who this is? Mister Robbie, isn't it? I have the ten thousand you put up. Isn't that why you called. -The bond collateral on Beaumont Livingston you moved over to cover Miss Brown, remember? She got off, huh? -She got off, huh? They decided to no-file. Tell me where you are and I'll bring you your money. -You still there? Looky here, I know you helped her and I know you know what I want. Jackie can tell me any story come in that pretty head of hers. Long as at the end of that story, she hands over my money. She do that, we're still friends. Now, she don't wanna be my friend no more, tell her to think about ol' Louis. And if she tries to turn me in, I'll name her ass as my accessory. We'll go upstate together. Hand in handcuffed hand. Now that shit's a promise, understand what I'm sayin'? You tell her that, and I'll call you back. -What the fuck you doin' knockin on the door like the goddamn police? You lookin' to get shot? I thought you might be asleep. -I thought you might be asleep. You keep fuckin' with me, you're gonna be asleep forever. -I'm alone. Git your ass in here. -That's all? I have a bond receipt for you to sign. -I have a bond receipt for you to sign. You know what the fuck I'm talkin' about. You talk to her? -You know what the fuck I'm talkin' about. You talk to her? She wants to give you your money. If she didn't, there'd be cops batter- ramming the door right now. -She wants to give you your money. If she didn't, there'd be cops batter- ramming the door right now. How'd you find me? -How'd you find me? Winston found you. -Winston found you. How the fuck did he find me? -How the fuck did he find me? That's what Winston does. He finds people who don't want to be found. -That's what Winston does. He finds people who don't want to be found. Well, bully for that nigga. You say she wants to give me the money, huh? -Well, bully for that nigga. You say she wants to give me the money, huh? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Well, give it to me then. -Well, give it to me then. She wants to give it to you herself and collect her ten percent. She also wants to explain why she had to hold on to it. -She wants to give it to you herself and collect her ten percent. She also wants to explain why she had to hold on to it. I'd like to hear that too. Turn around and put your hands on your head. -Jackie didn't trust Melanie. She'd already tried to get Jackie to go in with her, split the half million amongst themselves. What she did was take quite a risk to see you get your money. Lift up your pant leg. You help her? -Lift up your pant leg. You help her? All I did was walk out with it. -All I did was walk out with it. And you did that to protect my interest? -And you did that to protect my interest? In a way, yes. -In a way, yes. My ass be dumb, but I'm not a dumbass. Go sit over there on the couch. -This place stinks. You get used to it after a while. Now tell me where my money's at. -You get used to it after a while. Now tell me where my money's at. My office. -My office. And where's Jackie? -And where's Jackie? She's been there since Thursday night. -She's been there since Thursday night. She wanted to see me, why wasn't she home? -She wanted to see me, why wasn't she home? She was afraid. -She was afraid. That I gotta see. -That I gotta see. She still is. She doesn't want to get shot before she can tell you what happened. -She still is. She doesn't want to get shot before she can tell you what happened. Have her bring the money here. -Have her bring the money here. It's in the safe. She can't get at it. -It's in the safe. She can't get at it. Call her, tell her the combination. -Call her, tell her the combination. I'm telling you, you got her spooked. She won't leave there till you have your money and you're gone. -I'm telling you, you got her spooked. She won't leave there till you have your money and you're gone. You expect me to just walk in there? -You expect me to just walk in there? If she wanted to set you up, you'd be in custody right now. When you said you'd name her as an accessory she believed you. That scares her more than anything. -If she wanted to set you up, you'd be in custody right now. When you said you'd name her as an accessory she believed you. That scares her more than anything. That's why she's givin' up my money huh? Not that bullshit about Melanie. I didn't trust her ass neither, but I knew how to handle her. She was my blonde-headed little surfer gal. I fuckin' told Louis he could've just given her a punch in the mouth, he didn't need to shoot her. She's at your office. -That's why she's givin' up my money huh? Not that bullshit about Melanie. I didn't trust her ass neither, but I knew how to handle her. She was my blonde-headed little surfer gal. I fuckin' told Louis he could've just given her a punch in the mouth, he didn't need to shoot her. She's at your office. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. By herself. That big mandingo nigga Winston ain't there, is he? -By herself. That big mandingo nigga Winston ain't there, is he? She's all alone. -She's all alone. I call your office, she better answer the phone. -I call your office, she better answer the phone. She will. -It's the next street. I know where it is. -I know where it is. Turn left. -Turn left. I know where to turn. -My money's in that office, right? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. She starts givin' me some bullshit about it ain't there. It's somewhere else and we can go get it. I'm shootin' you in the head right then and there. Then I'm gonna shoot her in the kneecap, find out where my godamn money is. I go walkin' in there and that nigga Winston or anybody else is in there, you're the first man shot, understand what I'm sayin'? -She starts givin' me some bullshit about it ain't there. It's somewhere else and we can go get it. I'm shootin' you in the head right then and there. Then I'm gonna shoot her in the kneecap, find out where my godamn money is. I go walkin' in there and that nigga Winston or anybody else is in there, you're the first man shot, understand what I'm sayin'? Yeah. -Yeah. Now, is there anything you want to tell me before we get out of this car? -Now, is there anything you want to tell me before we get out of this car? No. -No. You sure? -You sure? Yes. -Yes. You better be, motherfucker. -Get that for me, will ya baby? You know it's for you. -Who is it? It's Beaumont. -We're back. 'Ola! -Hey, hey, hey. I think somebody's got some new clothes. We been shoppin'. Can't have my boy running around lookin' like a bum on the street. -Ha-ha-ha. I'm serious, you smoke too much of that shit. That shit robs you of your ambition. Not if your ambition is to get high and watch TV. -Hello. Hey, Jackie... No, Jackie, I didn't get your message. I was gonna tell you... -Hope you don't mind keeping him company. No problem. -No problem. Try not to rip his clothes off 'em they're new. -Cherry Bail Bonds. Let me speak to Max Cherry. -He ain't here right now. He leave town? -He leave town? He's around. -He's around. Give me his home number. -Give me his home number. I'll give you his beeper. -Get me out of here. Where do you want to go? -Where do you want to go? Take me home. -Take me home. Home? This is your home. You're dead. -Home? This is your home. You're dead. Dead? No. I just hurt my back. I'm not dead. -Dead? No. I just hurt my back. I'm not dead. What are you then? -What are you then? I'm alive. -I'm alive. Then what are you doing here? -Then what are you doing here? I don't know. I don't know. This isn't happening. -I don't know. I don't know. This isn't happening. What isn't happening? -What isn't happening? Let me out of here! -Let me out of here! There is no out of here. You've been killed. Don't you remember? -Remember? No! That was years ago! I've lived years since then. -No! That was years ago! I've lived years since then. It's all been a dream. -It's all been a dream. No! The army did this to me! They've done something to my brain. Jezzie! I want my boys! Sarah! I'm not dead! I want my family! -Dream on! No! Oh God. -Go on Jake. She reads 'em like a book. No, thanks. -No, thanks. It's fun. -Hiya Jake. That was some dance. Della? -Della? You want to see me? Well, here I am. -You want to see me? Well, here I am. I see. -I see. What do you want? -What do you want? Just to see you. That's all. -Just to see you. That's all. Well, how do I look? -Well, how do I look? Like Della. -Dr. Singer. It's been a long time. Hello, Sam. -Hello, Sam. Are you all right? -Are you all right? I'm okay. -I'm okay. Do you want some help? I can call upstairs. -Do you want some help? I can call upstairs. No, don't. But thanks. -By who? Why? Paul didn't have an enemy in the world. How do you know? -How do you know? Hey, you're talkin' about Paul. Who'd want to hurt him? -Something weird is going on here. What is it about us? Even in Nam it was always weird. Are we all crazy or something? Yeah, ever since that ... -Grass never did that to me. You know, I've been to three shrinks and a hypnotist. Nothing penetrates that night. Nothing. -Too late. I've tried. I think you're right, Jake. I'm game. Me, too. -Daddy! Oh God! -Oh God! You're hurting me! -You're hurting me! Stop!!!! -Stop!!!! Daddy. Let go. -Daddy. Let go. What do you want from me? -What do you want from me? LET GO! -You have an unusual hand. I could have told you that. -I could have told you that. You see this line here? It's your life line. Here's where you were born. And this is where you got married. You're a married man, huh? Oh oh. Nope. Divorce. See this split. -You know, you got a strange line here. It's short, huh? -It's short, huh? Short? It's ended. -Short? It's ended. Oh, terrific. -Oh, terrific. It's not funny. According to this ... you're already dead. -It's not funny. According to this ... you're already dead. Just my luck. -What did he talk about when you guys went out? Did he say anything? He was upset. He thought people were following him. -Hello. Frank. It's Jake. Jacob SInger. -Listen, I just got a strange call from Geary. He said the guys backed down. What's he talking about? That's right. We did. -That's right. We did. What does that mean, Frank? I don't get it. Why? -What does that mean, Frank? I don't get it. Why? It's hard to explain. -It's hard to explain. Well, try, huh. -Well, try, huh. I don't know if I can. It's just that war is war. Things happen. -I don't know if I can. It's just that war is war. Things happen. Things happen? What the fuck are you talking about? They did something to us, Frank. We have to expose this. -Things happen? What the fuck are you talking about? They did something to us, Frank. We have to expose this. There's nothing to expose. -There's nothing to expose. Jesus Christ! Who's been talking to you? What's going on? How can you just turn away? What about the others? -Jesus Christ! Who's been talking to you? What's going on? How can you just turn away? What about the others? They're not interested, Jake. -They're not interested, Jake. Shit! You know it's not half the case if I go it alone. We're all suffering the same symptoms, Frank. The army is to blame. They've done something to us. How can you not want to know? -Shit! You know it's not half the case if I go it alone. We're all suffering the same symptoms, Frank. The army is to blame. They've done something to us. How can you not want to know? Maybe it's not the army, Jake. -Maybe it's not the army, Jake. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Maybe there's a larger truth. -Maybe there's a larger truth. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Maybe the demons are real. -Maybe the demons are real. Goddamn it. What kind of bullshit is that? -Goddamn it. What kind of bullshit is that? Listen, Jake. I gotta go. -Listen, Jake. I gotta go. What the hell? What kind of mumbo jumbo ... ? -What the hell? What kind of mumbo jumbo ... ? I'm hanging up. -I'm hanging up. Hey, wait! -Hey, wait! Don't bother to call again, okay? -Daddy, what was that noise? Gabe? What are you doing ... ? -Gabe? What are you doing ... ? There was a bang. -There was a bang. It was the window. -It was the window. It's cold. -It's cold. Tell your mother. -Tell your mother. Mom, it's ... -Wait ... Daddy. Now what? -Now what? Don't go. -Don't go. Don't go? I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, Gabe. Come on, go back to sleep. You can still get a couple of hours. -I'm sorry, Mr. Singer, but do you have any idea how many people come to me with the injustices of the world? It'd break your heart. This isn't injustice, Mr. Geary. The army did something to us and we've got to find out what. -This isn't injustice, Mr. Geary. The army did something to us and we've got to find out what. The army. The army. What is it with you guys? We're not talking about a trip to the library here. This is the United States Government for God's sake. This is red tape coming out of your ass. You know what I mean? -The army. The army. What is it with you guys? We're not talking about a trip to the library here. This is the United States Government for God's sake. This is red tape coming out of your ass. You know what I mean? Exactly. And we need someone to cut through it. We hear you're the man. -Exactly. And we need someone to cut through it. We hear you're the man. Oh yeah? What am I - Perry Mason here? -Doctor. Ph.D. Ah! I thought you were a mailman. -Ah! I thought you were a mailman. I am. -I am. Then why aren't you teaching? Why aren't you in a university? -Then why aren't you teaching? Why aren't you in a university? I'm too messed up to teach. -I'm too messed up to teach. Ah! Well then, they're going to have to pay for that, aren't they? -Who's been talking to you? The army? Have they been talking to you, huh? Nobody's been talking to nobody. You don't have a case, you hear me? It's pure and simple. Now leave me alone. Okay? -Listen, will you listen? They're trying to get me. They're comin' out of the walls. The army's done something to me. I need you. You need ... a doctor. -You need ... a doctor. A doctor? And what's he gonna do, tell me I'm crazy? They've fucked with my head. I've got to prove it. You've got to do something. -You mind? I'm eating, huh? Something's going on here. You're not telling me something. What the hell's gotten into you? -Something's going on here. You're not telling me something. What the hell's gotten into you? I'll tell you what's gotten into me. I don't know you from Adam, right? You come to my office with this bizarro story and demand I look into it. Okay. I said I'd check it out and I did. Now I don't know what kind of fool you take me for, but you have used and abused me, and I don't like it. -I'll tell you what's gotten into me. I don't know you from Adam, right? You come to my office with this bizarro story and demand I look into it. Okay. I said I'd check it out and I did. Now I don't know what kind of fool you take me for, but you have used and abused me, and I don't like it. Used you? -Used you? I talked to the Army's Bureau of Records. You've never even been to Viet Nam. -I talked to the Army's Bureau of Records. You've never even been to Viet Nam. What the hell is that supposed to mean? -What the hell is that supposed to mean? It means that you and your buddies are whacko, that you were discharged on psychological grounds after some war games in Thailand. -It means that you and your buddies are whacko, that you were discharged on psychological grounds after some war games in Thailand. War games? Thailand? That's not true! How can you believe that? Can't you see what they're doing? It's all a lie. We were in Da Nang, for God's sake. You've got to believe me. -War games? Thailand? That's not true! How can you believe that? Can't you see what they're doing? It's all a lie. We were in Da Nang, for God's sake. You've got to believe me. I don't have to do any such thing. I'm eating my lunch, okay? -Bullshit. Someone's covering somethin'. That was no accident. Why do you say that? -Why do you say that? Cars don't explode that way. Any simpleton knows that. -Cars don't explode that way. Any simpleton knows that. But the paper ... -But the paper ... That was set. I'm tellin' you. -What'd he say that for? What made him say that? Strange, huh? Strange. What else did he say, Jake? -What do you mean, demons? He told me he was going to Hell. -He was scared. He saw these creatures coming out of the woodwork. They were tryin' to get him, he said. How long had that been going on? -How long had that been going on? A couple of weeks, I think. -He say what they looked like? No. Not really ... -No. Not really ... Excuse me a minute. I'll be right back. -You think they're connected? I think something's fucking connect- ed. I mean, a car tried to run me over the other day. Doug too, right? We've got six guys here going fucking crazy. -It's not worth goin' over again and again. Whatever happened, happened. It's over. ... I've seen them, too. -... I've seen them, too. Shit! -Dr. Carlson's dead? An explosion, just like Paul's. -Not me, buddy. Okay, not you Rod. But the rest of us are flipping out for some goddamn reason. They're tryin' to kill us. Fuck it man, we need to find out what's going on. -Come on, Professor. The army's not gonna give you any answers. You'll be buttin' your head against a stone wall. Maybe that's the only way to get through. Besides, six heads'll be better than one. -Maybe that's the only way to get through. Besides, six heads'll be better than one. Not my head, buddy. Not me. I'm gettin' a headache just listenin' to you. -Not my head, buddy. Not me. I'm gettin' a headache just listenin' to you. We should get ourselves a lawyer. -We should get ourselves a lawyer. I say you should get a shrink. -Come on, Jake. That didn't hurt. How do you know? -How do you know? I know you. How come you're so tense today? -I know you. How come you're so tense today? What can I tell you? -What can I tell you? I saw Sarah the other day. -I saw Sarah the other day. Her knee acting up? -Her knee acting up? A bit. -A bit. What did she have to say? -What did she have to say? "Turn on your right side. How about the other ""right?"" I don't understand you philosphers. You've got the whole world figured out but you can't remember the difference between right and left." -"Turn on your right side. How about the other ""right?"" I don't understand you philosphers. You've got the whole world figured out but you can't remember the difference between right and left." I was absent the day they taught that in school. What did she say? -I was absent the day they taught that in school. What did she say? Who? -Who? Sarah. -Sarah. Not much. She's like you that way. Two clams. No wonder your marriage didn't last. Put your hand under your head. Take a breath and then let it out. -Ah, good. Now turn to your left. She talk about the boys? -She talk about the boys? She says she can't get them new coats because you haven't sent the alimony for three months. -She says she can't get them new coats because you haven't sent the alimony for three months. She told you that? Did she tell you about the $2,000 I'm still paying for the orthodontist? I'll bet she didn't mention that. -She told you that? Did she tell you about the $2,000 I'm still paying for the orthodontist? I'll bet she didn't mention that. She said you were a son of a bitch and she regrets the day she set eyes on you. -She said you were a son of a bitch and she regrets the day she set eyes on you. I thought you said she didn't say much. -I thought you said she didn't say much. She didn't. That's about all she said. Put your hand up. Good. I think she still loves you. Take a breath and let it out. -Loves me!? She hasn't said a kind word about me in years! Right. She doesn't stop talking about you. You're always on her mind. That's love, Jake. -Right. She doesn't stop talking about you. You're always on her mind. That's love, Jake. She hates me, Louis. -She hates me, Louis. You should go back to her. -You should go back to her. What? She threw me out, remember. She wanted some professor to carry her far away from Brooklyn. Only we didn't make it. She can't forgive me that she still lives in the same house she grew up in. -What? She threw me out, remember. She wanted some professor to carry her far away from Brooklyn. Only we didn't make it. She can't forgive me that she still lives in the same house she grew up in. Her problem is that you spent eight years getting a PhD and then went to work for the post office. -Her problem is that you spent eight years getting a PhD and then went to work for the post office. What can I tell you, Louis? After Nam I didn't want to think anymore. I decided my brain was too small an organ to comprehend this chaos. -What can I tell you, Louis? After Nam I didn't want to think anymore. I decided my brain was too small an organ to comprehend this chaos. If it was any other brain but yours, I might agree. Relax, this is going to be strong. -If it was any other brain but yours, I might agree. Relax, this is going to be strong. I can't relax. -I can't relax. Wiggle your toes. -God almighty. What did you do to me? I had to get in there. A deep adjustment. Rest a moment and let it set a bit. -I had to get in there. A deep adjustment. Rest a moment and let it set a bit. I had this weird flash just then. -I had this weird flash just then. What? -What? I don't know. I've been having them recently. You know, you look like an angel, Louis, an overgrown cherub. Anyone ever tell you that? -I don't know. I've been having them recently. You know, you look like an angel, Louis, an overgrown cherub. Anyone ever tell you that? Yeah. You. Every time I see you. No more Errol Flynn, okay? Your back won't take it. You tell your girl friend to calm down if she knows what's good for you. -Yeah. You. Every time I see you. No more Errol Flynn, okay? Your back won't take it. You tell your girl friend to calm down if she knows what's good for you. Louis, you're a life saver. -Louis, you're a life saver. I know. -Half an hour from now and you'll be walking out of here all by yourself. Mark my words. Well, you've done it to yourself this time, haven't you? Am I dead, Louis? Am I dead? -Am I dead, Louis? Am I dead? From a slipped disc? That'd be a first. -From a slipped disc? That'd be a first. I was in Hell. I've been there. It's horrible. I don't want to die, Louis. -I was in Hell. I've been there. It's horrible. I don't want to die, Louis. Well, I'll see what I can do about it. -Well, I'll see what I can do about it. I've seen it. It's all pain. -I've seen it. It's all pain. You ever read Meister Eckart? How did you ever get your Doctorate without reading Eckart? Good. Okay, let's turn over gently. Right side. -Perfect. We got it. Okay. Let's just give it a little try. See if you can stand. What? By myself? -What? By myself? You can do it. Come on. Easy. Just give it a try. -What are you doing? There's something I've gotta take care of, Louis. -There's something I've gotta take care of, Louis. What are you talking about? You can barely stand. -What are you talking about? You can barely stand. I'm walking, aren't I? -I'm walking, aren't I? Jake, you need to rest. -Jake, you need to rest. Not tonight, Louis. No more rest. -Are you in the service? The postal service. I'm a mailman. -The postal service. I'm a mailman. Ah. Neither snow nor sleet, nor dark of night ... I always admired that. -Ah. Neither snow nor sleet, nor dark of night ... I always admired that. It's good to see you. -It's good to see you. Likewise. -And how is your wife? Sarah, no? I haven't seen her in months. -I haven't seen her in months. Ah! -Ah! I'm with another woman now. We're both with the post office, Midtown, 34th Street branch. -I'm with another woman now. We're both with the post office, Midtown, 34th Street branch. Hmm. I don't suppose there are too many philosophers in the post office? -Hmm. I don't suppose there are too many philosophers in the post office? Oh, you'd be surprised. They just don't have their doctorates, that's all. -Oh, you'd be surprised. They just don't have their doctorates, that's all. Last I heard you were offered a posi- tion in the West somewhere. Tuscon was it? -Last I heard you were offered a posi- tion in the West somewhere. Tuscon was it? Oh, that goes way back. They had a hiring freeze, one of those last min- ute things. Bad timing for me though. Middle of the war. The draft. I'll tell you Prof, after Viet Nam ... I didn't want to think anymore. I decided my brain was just too small an organ to comprehend this chaos. -Oh, that goes way back. They had a hiring freeze, one of those last min- ute things. Bad timing for me though. Middle of the war. The draft. I'll tell you Prof, after Viet Nam ... I didn't want to think anymore. I decided my brain was just too small an organ to comprehend this chaos. Jacob, if it was any other brain but yours, I might agree. Tell me, does your lady friend know what a brilliant thinker, what a sub- lime intellect she's living with? -Jacob, if it was any other brain but yours, I might agree. Tell me, does your lady friend know what a brilliant thinker, what a sub- lime intellect she's living with? I doubt it's my mind that interests her. I tell you Prof, she's a fiery lady. -I doubt it's my mind that interests her. I tell you Prof, she's a fiery lady. Well, try not to get burned. You have a great mind, Jacob. Don't let anyone tempt you away from it. -I've got a problem, Prof. More Augus- tine than Kierkegaard, if you know what I mean. I need to know about ... demons. Demons, Jacob? Why demons? Are you writing ... ? -Demons, Jacob? Why demons? Are you writing ... ? No. I see them. -No. I see them. See them? What do you mean? Physically? -See them? What do you mean? Physically? Yes. -I know very little about demons, Ja- cob, fleshy ones anyway. I know them as literary figures, biblical ones ... Dante, Milton ... but Jacob, this is the 20th Century. We don't see demons now. I see them, Prof. Everywhere. They're invading my life. -Christ, I know how it sounds. Have you considered a doctor? A psy- chiatrist? -Have you considered a doctor? A psy- chiatrist? Yes. I don't want them. I'm not looking for analysis or drugs. It's too easy to dismiss as some kind of psychosis. It's more than that. I can feel it. I need you Prof. You're the only one I can talk to. -Yes. I don't want them. I'm not looking for analysis or drugs. It's too easy to dismiss as some kind of psychosis. It's more than that. I can feel it. I need you Prof. You're the only one I can talk to. I don't know what to say. -I don't know what to say. I need your insight, your intuition. -Demons? I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like a spiritual mat- ter to me. The problem, Jacob, is that you have no context for it. You're a renegade Existentialist suf- fering demons a hundred years after Freud. How the hell am I supposed to make it fit? I'm afraid, Prof. Nothing makes sense. Please help me. -I'm afraid, Prof. Nothing makes sense. Please help me. Jacob, I don't believe in demons, not in the empirical sense. I don't be- lieve in devils fighting for our souls. I don't believe in enternal damnation. I don't believe in other- worldly creatures tormenting us. We don't need them. We do a good enough job on ourselves. -Jacob, I don't believe in demons, not in the empirical sense. I don't be- lieve in devils fighting for our souls. I don't believe in enternal damnation. I don't believe in other- worldly creatures tormenting us. We don't need them. We do a good enough job on ourselves. But I see them. -But I see them. Look. I don't pretend to know what's going on inside your head. For all I know it's pathological and they should be pumping Valium into your veins by the quart. But if you're not willing to accept the help of sci- ence; and believe me, I admire you for that: then you'll have to do bat- tle on your own. What can I say? It's a lonely pilgrimage through our times even for the strongest souls. But to be pursued by ... demons no less ... There are no guides, Jacob. You wanna know what I'd do if I sud- denly started seeing demons? I'd hail the first taxi that came along, shoot over to Bellvue and beg them for shock treatment. I'm no saint. -Look. I don't pretend to know what's going on inside your head. For all I know it's pathological and they should be pumping Valium into your veins by the quart. But if you're not willing to accept the help of sci- ence; and believe me, I admire you for that: then you'll have to do bat- tle on your own. What can I say? It's a lonely pilgrimage through our times even for the strongest souls. But to be pursued by ... demons no less ... There are no guides, Jacob. You wanna know what I'd do if I sud- denly started seeing demons? I'd hail the first taxi that came along, shoot over to Bellvue and beg them for shock treatment. I'm no saint. Hell, you think I am? -Hell, you think I am? "I'venever understood you, you know that? You were by far the best pupil I've ever had, bar none. Intellectu- ally, you were the most original, the most imaginative. Who knows, maybe you've been ""elected"" to see demons. Maybe you're in touch with ... some- thing. Nothing would surprise me about you Jacob. Nothing." -I'd like to speak to Dr. Carlson, please. Carlson? Is he new here? -Carlson? Is he new here? New? He's been here for years. -Not according to my charts. Do you have an appointment? Look, I need to see him. I know where his room is. Just give me a pass. I won't be long. Ten minutes. -Look, I need to see him. I know where his room is. Just give me a pass. I won't be long. Ten minutes. Our doctors are seen by appointment only. -Our doctors are seen by appointment only. Damn it. I was in the veteran's out- patient program. He knows me. -Damn it. I was in the veteran's out- patient program. He knows me. What's your name? -What's your name? Jacob Singer. -I'm sorry but there's no record of a Jacob Singer in our files. Whataya mean, no record? -Whataya mean, no record? You want me to spell it out? There's nothing here. -You want me to spell it out? There's nothing here. That's ridiculous. I've been coming here for years. Listen to me. I'm going out of my fucking mind here. I need to see him. -That's ridiculous. I've been coming here for years. Listen to me. I'm going out of my fucking mind here. I need to see him. If this is an emergency we have a staff of psychiatric social workers. There's about an hour's wait. I'll be glad to take your name. Why don't you just fill out this form? -If this is an emergency we have a staff of psychiatric social workers. There's about an hour's wait. I'll be glad to take your name. Why don't you just fill out this form? Goddamn it! I don't want a social worker. Carlson knows me. -What was that? It's freezing. -It's freezing. I'm not cold. -I'm not cold. Of course not. You have all the blankets. It must be ten degrees in here. I'm telling you, Sarah, if you want to sleep with fresh air, you sleep on the fire escape. From now on that window is closed. -Of course not. You have all the blankets. It must be ten degrees in here. I'm telling you, Sarah, if you want to sleep with fresh air, you sleep on the fire escape. From now on that window is closed. It's not healthy with it closed. -It's not healthy with it closed. This is healthy? I'll probably die of pneumonia tomorrow and this is healthy. -What a dream I was having. I was living with another woman ... You know who it was? I don't want to know. -I don't want to know. Jezebel, from the post office. You remember, you met her that time at the Christmas party. I was living with her. God, it was a nightmare. There were all these demons and I was on fire. Only I was burning from ice. -Jezebel, from the post office. You remember, you met her that time at the Christmas party. I was living with her. God, it was a nightmare. There were all these demons and I was on fire. Only I was burning from ice. Guilty thoughts. See what happens when you cheat on me, even in your mind? -Guilty thoughts. See what happens when you cheat on me, even in your mind? She was good in bed, though. -She was good in bed, though. Go to sleep. -Go to sleep. She had these real beefy thighs. Delicious. -She had these real beefy thighs. Delicious. I thought you said it was a nightmare? -I'm not dead. I am not dead. No. Of course you're not. You've just hurt your back. That's all. You're going to be fine. It'll just take some time. -Jacob, what can I do? Save me! -My back. I can't move. I need my chiropractor. Your back? Did you fall? -They stole it. Who did? -Who did? I don't know. Santa Claus. I had my son's picture in it. Gabe's picture. It's the only one I had. -I don't know. Santa Claus. I had my son's picture in it. Gabe's picture. It's the only one I had. We better get an orthopedic man in here. Is Dr. Davis on call? -I'm going to have to move you a bit, just to check for injuries. This may hurt a little. No. Don't move me. -I don't have to ask if you can feel that. Goddamn it. I want Louis. -Jake, is that you? What the hell did you do, move all the furniture? -What the hell did you do, move all the furniture? Why didn't you turn on the light? -Why didn't you turn on the light? I didn't want to wake you. -I didn't want to wake you. Gee, thanks a lot. -Gee, thanks a lot. Where is the lamp? -Where is the lamp? Where are you? -Where are you? If I knew I wouldn't have to ask. What did you do? I was happy the way it was. -If I knew I wouldn't have to ask. What did you do? I was happy the way it was. I moved the couch. That's all. -I moved the couch. That's all. Where to? -That help? Thanks. -What do you think? What do you mean? -What do you mean? The room! -The room! Oh God, Jezzie, ask me tomorrow. -Oh God, Jezzie, ask me tomorrow. It is tomorrow. Four A.M. How come you're so late? -It is tomorrow. Four A.M. How come you're so late? Roberts didn't show up. What could I say? Besides, it's double time. -Roberts didn't show up. What could I say? Besides, it's double time. What happened to you? -What happened to you? Don't ask. -You up? No. Have you seen my glasses? -No. Have you seen my glasses? Where'd you leave 'em? -Where'd you leave 'em? I don't know. -I don't know. Did you look around the headboard? -Did you look around the headboard? Jezzie, I can't see. -Jezzie, I can't see. Maybe you left 'em in the bathroom. -Thanks. What's that? Your kid dropped it off. -Your kid dropped it off. Who? Jed? -Who? Jed? No. The little one. -No. The little one. Eli. Why can't you remember their names? -Eli. Why can't you remember their names? They're weird names. -They're weird names. They're Biblical. They were prophets. -They're Biblical. They were prophets. Well, personally, I never went for church names. -Well, personally, I never went for church names. And where do you think Jezebel comes from? -And where do you think Jezebel comes from? I don't let anybody call me that. -I don't let anybody call me that. You're a real heathen, you know that, Jezzie? Jesus, how did I ever get involved with such a ninny? -You're a real heathen, you know that, Jezzie? Jesus, how did I ever get involved with such a ninny? You sold your soul, remember? That's what you told me. -You sold your soul, remember? That's what you told me. Yeah, but for what? -Yeah, but for what? A good lay. -A good lay. And look what I got. -And look what I got. The best. -The best. I must have been out of my head. -I must have been out of my head. Jake, you are never out of your head! -Jake, you are never out of your head! What's in here? -What's in here? "Pictures. Your wife was gonna toss 'em so ""what's his name"" brought 'em over on his way to school." -Look at these, will ya? I don't believe it. Jesus, these are fantastic. Look, here's my Dad ... And here's my brother, when we were down in Florida. Lemme see. -Lemme see. Here. Look. This is me and Sarah when I was still at City College. -Here. Look. This is me and Sarah when I was still at City College. That's Sarah? I can see what you mean. -That's Sarah? I can see what you mean. What? -What? Why you left. -Why you left. What do you mean you can see? -What do you mean you can see? Look at her face. A real bitch. -Look at her face. A real bitch. She looked good then. -She looked good then. Not to me. -Not to me. Well, you didn't marry her. -Is that the one who died? Gabe. -Wait. Don't. I don't like things that make you cry. -I don't like things that make you cry. I just want to look ... -Ready? Just gettin' rid of the garbage. -Jake! How's it going? -I'm going home. What's wrong? -What's wrong? I don't know. One of these days, I'm gonna see Louis. My back's killing me. -I don't know. One of these days, I'm gonna see Louis. My back's killing me. Now? What about the boss? He's not gonna like it. -Well, I'll miss riding home with you. I was looking forward to it. I'll be glad to avoid the crush. -I'll be glad to avoid the crush. I enjoy crushing into you. -Maybe it's all the pressure, Jake. The money. Things like that. Or your wife. Why do you bring her up? -Why do you bring her up? 'Cause she's always on your mind. -'Cause she's always on your mind. When was the last time I said a word? -When was the last time I said a word? It has nothin' to do with talkin'. -It's still there, Jake. Even if you never say a word about it. You can't spend two years in Vietnam ... What does that have to do with anything? Does it explain the barricaded subway stations? Does it explain those Godforsaken creatures? -What does that have to do with anything? Does it explain the barricaded subway stations? Does it explain those Godforsaken creatures? New York is filled with creatures. Everywhere. And lots of stations are closed. -New York is filled with creatures. Everywhere. And lots of stations are closed. They're like demons, Jez. -They're like demons, Jez. Demons, Jake? Come on. They're winos and bag ladies. Low life. That's all they are. The streets are crawling with 'em. Don't make em into somethin' they're not. It's the pressure, honey. That's all it is. -Demons, Jake? Come on. They're winos and bag ladies. Low life. That's all they are. The streets are crawling with 'em. Don't make em into somethin' they're not. It's the pressure, honey. That's all it is. Those guys tried to kill me tonight. They were aiming right at me. -Those guys tried to kill me tonight. They were aiming right at me. Kids on a joy ride. Happens all the time. -Kids on a joy ride. Happens all the time. They weren't human! -They weren't human! Come on. What were they, Jake? -You okay? I wanna leave. Get me out of here. -I wanna leave. Get me out of here. Oh, come on. It's early. -Oh, come on. It's early. Where are we? -Where are we? We're at Della's. -We're at Della's. Where? -Where? What do you mean? Where do you think? -What do you mean? Where do you think? Where's Della? Bring her here? -Where's Della? Bring her here? Why? What for? -Why? What for? Show me Della! -Show me Della! Hey, I'm here. -Can't you stop it? If I could stop it, I'd stop it. -What's it say? A hundred and two? I don't believe this. I'm calling the doctor. -What does it say? It's gone to the top. -It's gone to the top. How high is that? -How high is that? The numbers stop at 107. -What the hell are you doin'? Get your clothes off. -Get your clothes off. What are you talking about? I'm freezing. -What are you talking about? I'm freezing. Get your clothes off! -What'd the doctor say? That you'd die on the way to the hospital. Now get into that tub. -He's coming right over. Coming here? -Coming here? Goddamn it. Get in here. I can't stand around waiting. -You're out of your mind. I'm not getting in there. I'd rather die. That's your decision. -That's your decision. Look at me. I'm ice cold. -Look at me. I'm ice cold. You're red hot, damn it. Get in there. I've got to get more ice. -I can't do it. What kind of man are you? -Don't gimme that. Lie down! -Lie down! Jezzie! My feet are throbbing! -Jezzie! My feet are throbbing! Sam, Tony, come in here. -Sam, Tony, come in here. Hey, I'm not dressed. -Help me! Help me! Here. I'll do it. -Jake. You're gonna be all right, Jake. You're gonna be fine. Am I home? -Am I home? "You're here. Home. The doctor said you're lucky your brains didn't boil. What a night, Jake. It was crazy. You kept sayin' ""Sarah, close the window,"" over and over. And talkin' to your kids. Even the dead one. Weird. You know you melted 200 pounds of ice in 8 hours. Amazing, huh?" -"You're here. Home. The doctor said you're lucky your brains didn't boil. What a night, Jake. It was crazy. You kept sayin' ""Sarah, close the window,"" over and over. And talkin' to your kids. Even the dead one. Weird. You know you melted 200 pounds of ice in 8 hours. Amazing, huh?" Are we in Brooklyn? -Are we in Brooklyn? You're right here, Jake. You just rest. The doctor said you had a virus. That's what they say when they don't know what it is. You can't do anything for a week. He says you gotta recuperate. Now you just lie here. Mrs. Sandelman made you some chicken soup. It'll warm you up. -You know, you really ought to get out today. You can't just sit around like this all the time. It's not healthy. It's not good for your mind. Go take a walk, or somethin'. Go to a movie. Christ, who's gonna know? You think I care? I don't give a shit. Go. Enjoy yourself. One of us should be having a good time. Hello! Anybody home? Anybody in there? What? -Look, I'm horny. Keep it in mind. Love me a little? You are the most unbelievable woman I have ever met. One second you're a screaming banshee and the next you're Florence Nightingale. Who are you? That's what I want to know. Will the real Jezzie Pipkin please stand up. -So tell me ... am I still an angel? With wings. You transport me, you know that? You carry me away. -We're all angels, you know ... ... and devils. It's just what you choose to see. I love you, Jez. -I love you, Jez. I know. -I know. Underneath all the bullshit, just love. -Underneath all the bullshit, just love. Remember that. -Remember that. You know what? I feel ... exorcised ... like the demons are gone. -You know what? I feel ... exorcised ... like the demons are gone. How come? The army? -How come? The army? In a way. At least now I have some idea of what was happening. If we can only get them to admit ... to explain what they did ... I don't know. Maybe it'd clear things up in my head. I'll tell you something, Jez, honestly ... I thought they were real. -I put a frozen dinner in the oven, a Manhandler. It'll be ready at a quarter of. I threw a little salad together. It's in the fridge. I also bought some apple juice, Red Cheek. Don't drink it all. Oh, and Jake, your lawyer called. He did? When? -He did? When? While you were in the shower. -While you were in the shower. Why didn't you call me? -Why didn't you call me? He didn't give me a chance. Look, honey, don't get upset, but he's not taking your case. -He didn't give me a chance. Look, honey, don't get upset, but he's not taking your case. What? What do you mean? -What? What do you mean? He said you didn't have one. -He said you didn't have one. What's he talking about? -What's he talking about? I don't know. That's all he said. He wasn't very friendly. Oh, yeah. He said your buddies backed down. They chickened out, he said. -I don't know. That's all he said. He wasn't very friendly. Oh, yeah. He said your buddies backed down. They chickened out, he said. I don't believe this. -I don't believe this. Baby, I'm sorry. I feel terrible. I'd stay and talk but I'm so late. Look, don't be upset. We'll talk when I get home. See you around midnight. Bye. And don't brood. Watch T.V. or something. -It's just me. Jezzie? -Jezzie? Who else were you expecting? -Who else were you expecting? Let go! -Let go! Where were you, Jake? Where've you been? Why haven't you called? -Where were you, Jake? Where've you been? Why haven't you called? Stay away from me, Jez. -Stay away from me, Jez. I want to know. You tell me! -I want to know. You tell me! You wanna know? Turn on the T.V. Watch the fucking news! -Why are you doing this to me? You can't just go away like that. I can do anything I want. -Don't! It might be for me. -It might be for me. I'm not here. You haven't seen me. -I'm not here. You haven't seen me. Hello ... No. He's not here. I haven't seen him all night ... I don't know when ... What? Tell him what? Vietnam? ... What experiments? -Who was that? A chemist. Part of a chemical warfare unit out of Saigon. He said he knows me and that I'll know him when I see him. -A chemist. Part of a chemical warfare unit out of Saigon. He said he knows me and that I'll know him when I see him. How? -How? I have no idea. I was right. There were experiments. I knew it. I knew it. My God. -I have no idea. I was right. There were experiments. I knew it. I knew it. My God. How do you know he's telling the truth? -What are you doing here? Are you all right? How do you expect to pay for this? Everyone's looking for you, Jake. I dodged people all over the place, reporters, police. I don't know what you're gonna do. I'm gonna make love to you. That's what I'm gonna do. -I'm gonna make love to you. That's what I'm gonna do. Are you out of your mind? -Are you out of your mind? Yep. Finally. I love you, Jez. -Yep. Finally. I love you, Jez. God, I can't keep up with all your changes. -God, I can't keep up with all your changes. Me neither. -Me neither. What's gotten into you? -It's amazing, you know, that a drug could change things like that, destroy a life and then give it back. It's hard to believe that the world could be so hellish on day and like heaven the next. I tell you, it was so wonderful. I felt like a little boy. I saw Paradise, Jezzie. -I tell you, it was so wonderful. I felt like a little boy. I saw Paradise, Jezzie. It's so hard to believe. -This is one of my dreams, Jake. Ever since I was a little girl. I never thought it would happen. Stick with me, kid. -I want to go with you, Jake. Wherever you go. It's not practical, Jez. It'll be hard enough alone. -It's not practical, Jez. It'll be hard enough alone. I can waitress. I'm good. -I can waitress. I'm good. No. Things are too hot. Later. I'll send for you. -No. Things are too hot. Later. I'll send for you. Bullshit! -Bullshit! I promise. -I promise. Please. -Please. No. I'm a marked man, Jez. I'm the only one left. I don't want to expose you to that. It's not right for you or me. Be reasonable. -No. I'm a marked man, Jez. I'm the only one left. I don't want to expose you to that. It's not right for you or me. Be reasonable. Reasonable? Reasonable? Jake ... You're gettin' me angry. -Reasonable? Reasonable? Jake ... You're gettin' me angry. I love you when you're angry. -I love you when you're angry. Oh yeah? Try leavin' without me. -What're you ... ? Where's Sarah? Where are the boys? Sit down, Jake. -Sit down, Jake. Where are they? -Where are they? Sit down. -Sit down. No! What's going on? Where's my family? -No! What's going on? Where's my family? It's over, Jake. It's all over. -It's over, Jake. It's all over. Where have they gone? -Where have they gone? Wake up. Stop playing with yourself. It's finished. -What's going on? Your capacity for self-delusion is remarkable, Dr. Singer. -What's wrong, Jake? Forget to take your antidote? Who are you? What are you doing to me? -Who are you? What are you doing to me? You have quite a mind, Jake. I loved your friends. That chemist - the Ladder. What an imagination you have! -WHO ARE YOU? How many times have you asked me that? How many times? -How many times have you asked me that? How many times? TELL ME, DAMN YOU! -TELL ME, DAMN YOU! YOU KNOW WHO I AM. -So tell me ... am I still an angel? With wings. You transport me, you know that? You carry me away. -It's going to be all right, Jake. It's going to be all right. Don't be afraid. I've got you now. Hold me, Jezzie. Hold me. -Why won't you answer me? Cause you know goddamn well who I am. -Cause you know goddamn well who I am. I don't know you. -I don't know you. You've lived with me for two years. -You've lived with me for two years. That doesn't mean shit. Where do you come from, huh? And I don't mean Indiana. -That doesn't mean shit. Where do you come from, huh? And I don't mean Indiana. What do you want me to say? My mother's tummy? -What do you want me to say? My mother's tummy? You know goddamn well what I mean. -You know goddamn well what I mean. You're out of your fucking mind. I'm not gonna stand around here gettin' interrogated by you. -You're out of your fucking mind. I'm not gonna stand around here gettin' interrogated by you. Well leave then. Go to Hell. -Well leave then. Go to Hell. You son-of-a-bitch. Who do you think you are? I don't deserve this. Who takes care of you day and night? Who cleans the floor and washes your goddamn underwear? Well, I've had it. You flip out on your own, you ungrateful bastard. I'm done holding your hand. I don't want anything to do with you, you hear? Nothing! -What'd you do that for? It's an in- teresting story. All these people are still disappearing. Right off the street. Hey, what's wrong? Are you all right? I'm okay. I just don't want to lis- ten. -I'm okay. I just don't want to lis- ten. You look upset. -You look upset. I'm not upset. -I'm not upset. Jake, what is it? -Jake, what is it? I'm tired. -I'm tired. You look terrible. What happened? Jake ... is it the antidote? -You look terrible. What happened? Jake ... is it the antidote? Goddamn it. Why do you say that? -Goddamn it. Why do you say that? Look at yourself. You look like you've seen a ghost. -Look at yourself. You look like you've seen a ghost. Shit! Can't I just have a bad day? -Shit! Can't I just have a bad day? You can have anything you want. -You can have anything you want. Then don't bug me. -Then don't bug me. I'm not bugging you. Come and lie down. I'll give you a massage. Where'd you go today? -I'm not bugging you. Come and lie down. I'll give you a massage. Where'd you go today? Mid-town mostly. -Mid-town mostly. Oh yeah? What was happenin' there? -Oh yeah? What was happenin' there? I picked up my ticket. I'm leaving in the morning, Jez. -I picked up my ticket. I'm leaving in the morning, Jez. Oh? Where you going? -Oh? Where you going? West. -West. Where's West? New Jersey? -Where's West? New Jersey? Don't be funny. -Don't be funny. I always liked the West, west of Il- linois anyway. But you gotta give me time to pack. -I always liked the West, west of Il- linois anyway. But you gotta give me time to pack. Stop it, Jez. Don't do that. -Stop it, Jez. Don't do that. Do what? I haven't done a thing. -Do what? I haven't done a thing. Don't play games with me. There's nothing more to say. -Where's Sarah? Where are the boys? Sit down, Jake. -Sit down, Jake. Where are they? -Where are they? Sit down! -Sit down! No! What's going on? Where's my family? -No! What's going on? Where's my family? It's over, Jake. It's all over. -It's over, Jake. It's all over. Where have they gone? -Where have they gone? Wake up! Stop playing with yourself. It's finished. -This isn't happening. Your capacity for self-delusion is remarkable, Dr. Singer. -Oh God! What's wrong, Jake? Forget to take your antidote? -What's wrong, Jake? Forget to take your antidote? Goddamn you! -Goddamn you! I loved your chemist, Jake. The height of fantasy. And your vision of paradise. A most romantic creation. You're quite a dreamer, Jake. Only it's time to wake up. -WHO ARE YOU? How many times have you asked me that? How many times? -How many times have you asked me that? How many times? TELL ME, DAMN YOU! -TELL ME, DAMN YOU! You know who I am. -Surprised, huh? I told you you'd know me. I've been tracking you for a long time. I just wish I'd spoken to you before tonight. I don't get it. Who are you? Why have you been following me? -I don't get it. Who are you? Why have you been following me? Observation, mainly. Clinical study. You were one of the survivors. -So first I'm arrested, right? Best LSD I ever made, right down the drain. I figure this is it, twenty years in the joint, if I'm lucky. That was '68. Long time ago. -Long time ago. Next thing I know I'm on Rikers Island. Ever been there? Suddenly they take me from my cell to the visitors room with those bank teller windows, you know. Four army colonels, medals up their asses, are standing on the other side. They tell me if I'll come to Vietnam for two years, no action, mind you, just work in a lab, they'll drop all the charges and wipe the record clean. Well, I'd only been in jail for thirteen hours and I already knew that Nam couldn't be any worse. -Next thing I know I'm on Rikers Island. Ever been there? Suddenly they take me from my cell to the visitors room with those bank teller windows, you know. Four army colonels, medals up their asses, are standing on the other side. They tell me if I'll come to Vietnam for two years, no action, mind you, just work in a lab, they'll drop all the charges and wipe the record clean. Well, I'd only been in jail for thirteen hours and I already knew that Nam couldn't be any worse. Shows how much you knew. -Shows how much you knew. No shit. They had me by the balls. Next thing I know I'm in Saigon ... in a secret lab synthesizing mind- altering drugs. Not the street stuff mind you. They had us isolating special properties. The dark side, you know? They wanted a drug that increased aggressive tendencies. -No shit. They had me by the balls. Next thing I know I'm in Saigon ... in a secret lab synthesizing mind- altering drugs. Not the street stuff mind you. They had us isolating special properties. The dark side, you know? They wanted a drug that increased aggressive tendencies. Yeah, sure. We were losing the war. -Yeah, sure. We were losing the war. Right. They were worried. They figured you guys were too soft. They wanted something to stir you up, tap into your anger, you know? And we did it. The most powerful thing I ever saw. Even a bad trip, and I had my share, never compared to the fury of the Ladder. -Right. They were worried. They figured you guys were too soft. They wanted something to stir you up, tap into your anger, you know? And we did it. The most powerful thing I ever saw. Even a bad trip, and I had my share, never compared to the fury of the Ladder. The Ladder? -The Ladder? That's what they called it. A fast trip right down the ladder. Right to the primal fear, the base anger. I'm tellin' you, it was powerful stuff. But I don't need to tell you. You know. -Anyway, this big offensive was coming up. Everyone knew it; Time Magazine, Huntley-Brinkley. And the brass was scared 'cause they knew we couldn't win. Morale was down. It was gettin' ugly in the States. Hell, you remember. Like it was yesterday. -Like it was yesterday. A couple days later they decided to use the Ladder, on one test battalion. Yours. Just in an infintessimal dose in the food supply, to prove its effectiveness in the field. They were sure your unit would have the highest kill ratio in the whole goddamn offensive. And you did, too. But not the way they tnought. -None of us can remember that night. I get flashes of it but they don't make sense. We saw shrinks for years. But nothing they did could ever touch it. What happened? Was there ever an offensive? A couple of days later. It was fierce. You guys never saw it. -A couple of days later. It was fierce. You guys never saw it. But there was an attack. I can still see them coming. There was a fight, wasn't there? -But there was an attack. I can still see them coming. There was a fight, wasn't there? Yeah. But not with the Cong. -Yeah. But not with the Cong. Who then? -I always suspected the effects might come back. That's why I had to follow you. I had a hell of a time getting hold of your records. If you knew, why didn't you say anything? -If you knew, why didn't you say anything? The truth can kill, my friend. Five hundred men died out there. This isn't a story they'd ever want out. When Paul's car blew up I realized the scope of the thing. I knew they meant business. -The truth can kill, my friend. Five hundred men died out there. This isn't a story they'd ever want out. When Paul's car blew up I realized the scope of the thing. I knew they meant business. So why tell me now? -So why tell me now? Because I can get rid of the demons. I can block the Ladder. I have an antidote. We can kill them off, chemically speaking. They'll all disappear. It's chemistry, my friend. I know. I created it. Come with me. I can help. -You come here often? Sometimes. When it's convenient. -Sometimes. When it's convenient. How do I know this isn't just some kind of, you know, seduction or something? -How do I know this isn't just some kind of, you know, seduction or something? Hey, I'm not the problem. You've got bigger problems than me. -I came up with the formula back in Nam but I never got a chance to use it. Never? -Never? I'd hoped I'd never have to. Just open your mouth and stick out your tongue. -I'd hoped I'd never have to. Just open your mouth and stick out your tongue. What is it? -What is it? Don't worry. Take it. It'll free your head. Come on. -Don't worry. Take it. It'll free your head. Come on. I don't know. -I don't know. """Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil,"" but no one ever said I wouldn't be shittin' in my pants every step of the way, huh? Stick out your tongue. That'a boy. Now why don't you just lie down and relax." -"""Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil,"" but no one ever said I wouldn't be shittin' in my pants every step of the way, huh? Stick out your tongue. That'a boy. Now why don't you just lie down and relax." One drop? -One drop? It's strong stuff. -I think I'm falling asleep. Pleasant dreams. -I can't move. Just relax. -Just relax. What's happening? Help me. -And no more demons. I told you they'd be gone. I don't believe this. It's a miracle, Michael. A miracle. -I don't believe this. It's a miracle, Michael. A miracle. Better living through chemistry, that's my motto. -It was paradise, Michael. You showed it to me. You were there. Well that's good to know. -Well that's good to know. Mike, it was real. It was glorious. -Mike, it was real. It was glorious. Glorious. I'm not surprised. I fed you enough of that stuff to send a horse to heaven. I'm just glad you came back. -Glorious. I'm not surprised. I fed you enough of that stuff to send a horse to heaven. I'm just glad you came back. I would have stayed there if I could. -I would have stayed there if I could. I'm sure. You've got nothing but troubles waitin' for you here. -Here. I've got every credit card ever printed. Take this. Stay here till you can arrange to get away. It's on me. No. I couldn't. -No. I couldn't. What? You want the Plaza? Don't be foolish. Here. Take this, too. This is my place on Prince Street. It's got my phone, everything. Call if you need me ... but you won't. Everything's gonna work out. You just get outta town as fast as you can. The New York police can be effective when they want to be. -What? You want the Plaza? Don't be foolish. Here. Take this, too. This is my place on Prince Street. It's got my phone, everything. Call if you need me ... but you won't. Everything's gonna work out. You just get outta town as fast as you can. The New York police can be effective when they want to be. I don't know what to say. -I don't know what to say. Save the words ... Just send back my credit card. -Excuse me, do you know if we've passed Nostrand Avenue yet? Excuse me. Look, I'm asking a simple question. Have we hit Nostrand Avenue? I fell asleep. I no from around here. -I no from around here. Yeah, you and everyone else. -How 'bout over there? No wait. Do me a favor. Bring 'em to the back room. They're awfully heavy. -They're awfully heavy. I know. That's why I'm asking. -Where's Wong? That's what I'd like to know. If you see him on the street somewhere, tell him he's fired. -How was Palm Springs? Hot. Where do I sign? -Hot. Where do I sign? You got a nice tan, though. -You got a nice tan, though. Tan? What tan? It faded on the airplane. I'd try to get my money back, but who do you ask? Two hundred dollars a night, for what? -No. I'll take the other one. Right. Well it's good to have you back. See you tomorrow, probably. If you're lucky. -He's burning up. Total delirium. -Total delirium. That's some gash. His guts keep spilling out. -That's some gash. His guts keep spilling out. Push 'em back. -Push 'em back. Help me! -Throw that torch away, young man. Give yourself up. You're under arrest. For what? For seeking the truth? -For what? For seeking the truth? Please come quietly. -Please come quietly. You come near me and I'll blow us all up. -You come near me and I'll blow us all up. We're not going to hurt you. -Clear the area. This is an order! What is wrong with you? -Dream on! What?! -He's burning up. Total delirium. -Total delirium. He'll never make it. -He'll never make it. That's some gash. His guts keep spilling out. -That's some gash. His guts keep spilling out. Push 'em back. -Push 'em back. Help me! -I'll page him. Call my chiropractor. -Call my chiropractor. We're doing everything we can. -We're doing everything we can. Louis Schwartz. Nostrand Avenue. -Well, don't we look better this morning? That was a hard night, wasn't it? Where am I? -Where am I? Lennox Hospital. -Lennox Hospital. I'm awake? -I'm awake? You look awake to me. Here. Drink some of this. -You look awake to me. Here. Drink some of this. Where's Sarah? Where did she go? She was here ... -Where's Sarah? Where did she go? She was here ... No. No. You haven't had any visitors. -No. No. You haven't had any visitors. That's a lie. My family was here. -That's a lie. My family was here. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Last night! They were as real as you are! -This is not a dream! This is my life. Of course it is. What else could it be? -Hello. Jacob Singer? -Jacob Singer? Speaking. -Speaking. Paul Gruneger! -Paul Gruneger! Paul Gruneger! Well I'll be goddamned! -Paul! You son-of-a-bitch, how the hell are you? I haven't seen you in what, five, six, years? A long time. -A long time. Jesus Christ. How've you been? What's happening in your life? -Jesus Christ. How've you been? What's happening in your life? Nothin' much. -Nothin' much. Me neither. Nothing too exciting. So tell me, to what do I owe the honor? -Me neither. Nothing too exciting. So tell me, to what do I owe the honor? I need to see you, Jake. -I need to see you, Jake. Shit, Paul. I'd love to see you. But I'm kind of laid up here. I've been sick. -Shit, Paul. I'd love to see you. But I'm kind of laid up here. I've been sick. I need to see you. -Jesus, man, you look terrific. You must have put on twenty pounds. I work in a bakery. -I work in a bakery. You're lucky. How many vets you know are even employed? -You're lucky. How many vets you know are even employed? Count 'em on one hand. -Count 'em on one hand. It's almost like a conspiracy, huh? -It's almost like a conspiracy, huh? No joke. Fuckin' army! That goddamn war. I'm still fightin' it. -No joke. Fuckin' army! That goddamn war. I'm still fightin' it. It's not worth it. You'll never win. -It's not worth it. You'll never win. You tellin' me? How many times can you die, huh? -Still married, Jake? Nope. -Nope. You and everybody else. God I hate this area. Makes me nervous. -You and everybody else. God I hate this area. Makes me nervous. Why the hell we drivin' here? -Why the hell we drivin' here? I just need to talk. -I just need to talk. You can't talk in Brownsville? -You can't talk in Brownsville? I'm not sure where I can talk anymore. -I'm not sure where I can talk anymore. What's wrong? -What's wrong? Let's get a couple drinks, okay? Hey, take a look behind us. Do you think that car is followin' us? -Let's get a couple drinks, okay? Hey, take a look behind us. Do you think that car is followin' us? That black car? -That black car? Pull the mirror down on the sun visor. Just watch 'em. -Pull the mirror down on the sun visor. Just watch 'em. What's goin' on Paul? -What's goin' on Paul? I don't know. -I don't know. You in trouble? -You in trouble? Yeah. -That's as straight as I can put it. And don't tell me that I'm crazy 'cause I know I'm not. I'm goin' to Hell. They're comin' after me. Who is? -Who is? They've been followin' me. They're comin' outta the walls. I don't trust anyone. I'm not even sure I trust you. But I gotta talk to someone. I'm gonna fly outta my fuckin' mind. -Sorry. Sometimes I think I'm just gonna jump outta my skin. They're just drivin' me wild. Who, Paul? What exactly ... ? -Who, Paul? What exactly ... ? I don't know who they are, or what they are. But they're gonna get me and I'm scared, Jake. I'm so scared I can't do anything. I can't go to my sisters. I can't even go home. -I don't know who they are, or what they are. But they're gonna get me and I'm scared, Jake. I'm so scared I can't do anything. I can't go to my sisters. I can't even go home. Why not? -Why not? They're waitin' for me, that's why. -It's okay, Paul. It's okay. I don't know what to do. -I don't know what to do. Don't do anything. Paul, I know what you're talking about. -Don't do anything. Paul, I know what you're talking about. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I've seen them too ... the demons! -I've seen them too ... the demons! You've seen them? -You've seen them? Everywhere, like a plague. -Everywhere, like a plague. God almighty. I thought I was the only one. -God almighty. I thought I was the only one. Me, too. I had no idea. It's like I was coming apart at the seams. -Me, too. I had no idea. It's like I was coming apart at the seams. Oh God. I know. I know. -Oh God. I know. I know. What is it Paul? What's happening to me? -What is it Paul? What's happening to me? They keep telling me I'm already dead, that they're gonna tear me apart, piece by piece, and throw me into the fire. I carry these everywhere but they don't help. Nothing helps. Everyone thinks I'm crazy. My mother filed a report with the army. -They keep telling me I'm already dead, that they're gonna tear me apart, piece by piece, and throw me into the fire. I carry these everywhere but they don't help. Nothing helps. Everyone thinks I'm crazy. My mother filed a report with the army. The army? -The army? She said I haven't been the same since then. Since that night. There's still this big hole in my brain. It's so dark in there, Jake. And these creatures. It's like they're crawling out of my brain. What happened that night? Why won't they tell us? -She said I haven't been the same since then. Since that night. There's still this big hole in my brain. It's so dark in there, Jake. And these creatures. It's like they're crawling out of my brain. What happened that night? Why won't they tell us? I don't know. I don't know. -I don't know. I don't know. They're monsters, Jake. We're both seein' 'em. There's gotta be a connection. Something. -I'm afraid to go by myself anymore. I keep thinkin' one of 'em's gonna come up behind me. Somethin's wrong when a guy can't even take a leak by himself. I've seen 'em take people right off the street. I used to go home a different way every night. Now I can't even go home. You come home with me. -You come home with me. What about your girlfriend? You don't think she'll mind? -What about your girlfriend? You don't think she'll mind? Are you kidding? We've put up more of her cousins. You wouldn't believe how they breed down there. -Can I help you? I'm looking for Dr. Carlson. Isn't this his office? -I'm so sorry. Obviously you haven't ... Dr. Carlson died. Died? -Died? A car accident. -A car accident. Jesus, Jesus! ... When? -Jesus, Jesus! ... When? Last month, before Thanksgiving. -Last month, before Thanksgiving. How did it happen? -How did it happen? No one knows. They say it blew up. -No one knows. They say it blew up. Blew up? What do you mean it blew up? -Do you want me to get someone? No. No. It's okay. I'm okay. -I have some ice from the machine. Bring it in. -Bring it in. Is he all right? -Is he all right? He doesn't like it. -He doesn't like it. I don't blame him. What should I do with the ice? -I don't blame him. What should I do with the ice? Pour it in. -Pour it in. On top of him? -On top of him? He's melting it as fast as we dump it in. -He's melting it as fast as we dump it in. Okay. My husband's got two more bags. He's coming. They're heavy. -Watch it punk, I'm armed. Punk? -That's nine to four, geek-boy. You got lucky. -You got lucky. You got lucky. I could have waited until he ate your head. -You got lucky. I could have waited until he ate your head. Speaking of which, duck! -That sucks. Why won't he go down? Pause play. -He's not part of the program. Hey cool. They brought ancient hockey guy back to life. -Asshole that does not count as a kill. Yes it does. -Yes it does. Oh, come on! -Okay, enough of this shit. Alright, asshole. -I don't have all day, kid. Yeah yeah I better call the labs, see what the hell is going on. -Duck fuckers? He's either unconcious or playing dead, whichever, he ain't really dead. Okay, you know , that's it for me. I'm outta here. -Forget the bridge, the shuttle's waiting! What do you mean, not enough time? -Just make a break for the door. He'll get some of us, but that's the breaks. We're not leaving Crutch! -We're not leaving Crutch! We don't have time to argue! -Goodbye old friend. Okay, he was a great guy, now let's move out. -Okay, he was a great guy, now let's move out. Could you show a little compassion?! -It's locked! Then break it! If you don't pull it, the ship's going to depressurize! -What are you doing?!! If the ship goes, so does Jaso. -If the ship goes, so does Jaso. Rizzo pull the fucking lever! -Rizzo pull the fucking lever! No. -What's that? THat's the sound of deep space attacking the integrity of the ship. -When the left hull goes, so will the right. What if we blow the walkways first? Leave Jason over here to go up with the ship? -We can't lead him into the other hull! We don't have a choice! -Can we blow it with just two? If we don't sever the hull completely she'll drag us down with her. -His mother? What? -What? I don't know. Nothing. -Minimal. We made it? -The ship's depressurizing, the engines overheating. When it reaches the core, we're done. Done? -Hurry up, guys. We've got the rescue ship on radar. Delongpre! Out of time! -Remember, stay calm, use your thrusters. We'll be fine. Why wouldn't we be. I mean, look around. So far so good. -Damnit to hell, you left me back there to die! Sergeant? We thought you were... -Sergeant? We thought you were... Yeah, yeah. Well, what have you got to say for yourself? -Bomb? Explosive. We're blowing the walkway. -Blowing the walkway? You come up with that yourself? Rizzo did. -Can't shut em' down from here. Somebody's gonna have to go back to the engine room. -Sergeant! Get out of here! -Uh-oh. What?! -What?! Kkinsa! Open the doors! -Okay that hurt. Thorgan, pull us in. -Where have you been?!! He....He... -Where the hell were you?!! He came for me, I had to run! -Creepy. Cool. -Nice touch. And you said high school was boring. -You see that? Briggs, Geko, movement beyond the boxed fuselage. -Better let me. Where'd you get the gun? -Everyone okay? I think I broke my arm. -Shit! The hull's imploding! -The hull's imploding! Rizzo! Can you hear me?! -We're not supposed to do that. What are you gonna do, tell me? -I'll need system four converters. They're back here. -Hey! I'm not ready. Then you better hurry. I'll blow alley one, Delongpre, you and Rizzo take there. Janessa you ready two and we'll meet up there. -Thorgan, quit screwing around and come on! I'm coming, I'm coming. -Kay-Em! What are you doing back?!! -As long as they're connected we can blow them all simultaneously from a safe distance. Two more charges to go. -Done! Let's move out! -Goodbye, my love. Thorgan, suit up. -Thorgan, suit up. This is gonna work. If he sticks to the program. Will he? Stick to the program? -Brodski! Get to Lab two. We have an emergency! Er, guys. Where's the Hockey Player? -We'd need charges. We could convert fission transistors. -How many? Bring 'em all. Let's move! -I think I speak on behalf of the group when I say this is bad news. Thorgan? You coming?! -Where is...? You tell me! She's only set one charge. And it's not finished! -I'd say we have about ten minutes tops. Then stop talking and work faster! -Then what do we do?! I don't know! -Hurry! Faster! Don't we have another gun? -It bought us some time. And now we're all out of it. -Earth II. Suit up. -Boeman, the ships not here. Use the thrusters and you'll be fine. We'll huddle together out there. -Use the thrusters and you'll be fine. We'll huddle together out there. Hey, easy now. -Get them in the lab! Not so fast Yllo! There's a protocol here. -My god! This is way over your head, pal. We need to call some experts and . . . I am an expert! -I am an expert! You're a teacher. -You're a teacher. Brodski I'll talk slow so you can understand me. She's thawing. If we don't get her to the lab, she'll die, and that will be on your bald fucking head! -Brodski I'll talk slow so you can understand me. She's thawing. If we don't get her to the lab, she'll die, and that will be on your bald fucking head! What if they're carrying? Did you even check? -How do you know that piece of cursed rock down there doesn't carry something metal tits can't detect? Well, when we rejuvenate this one you can ask her. -Well, when we rejuvenate this one you can ask her. Damnit, Yllo! I don't like it. -Damnit, Yllo! I don't like it. I don't give a shit. This one's prime for decryonization. We're brining her back. -I don't give a shit. This one's prime for decryonization. We're brining her back. I still think we should send for a team of real scientists. -I still think we should send for a team of real scientists. I am a scientist you asshole! This could be the most important discovery in 400 years. Do you have any idea what a find like this could mean? -I am a scientist you asshole! This could be the most important discovery in 400 years. Do you have any idea what a find like this could mean? Right now, I care only for the safety of this crew. You don't know anything about these two - -Jesus what the hell is that? That's exactly what we need to find out. Check your orders, Sergeant. I out rank you where discovery is concerned. Now step aside. I have a medical emergency to deal with. -What the hell are you doing? My job. -My job. Fine, just stay out of my way. Hit it. -Wait a minute...I need... Give it a rest Yllo. She needs some time. -Yllo, what's your head count? Looks like we're missing two. Stone and Kkinsa. -ALL I'm saying is dock with Space Lab, couple of hours no more. Let them take a look at our friends. Not a chance. -Not a chance. JUst don't go in there half cocked. You guys have a tendency to blow shit up and ask questions later. -JUst don't go in there half cocked. You guys have a tendency to blow shit up and ask questions later. You got that right. -Got it! Let's move out girls. Yllo go to Lab two and cover out backs. At least try to get him alive...will ya Brodski? -Yeah, I got ya. I don't see anything inside though. You just keep an eye out. -You just keep an eye out. Yeah yeah. Got it. -Ok Sarge, what's your status? wHAT'S My status?! I've lost three men and your worthless fuck! After I kill this asshole I'm coming your Yllo! -wHAT'S My status?! I've lost three men and your worthless fuck! After I kill this asshole I'm coming your Yllo! But I didn't see... -Sergeant! What? -I'm with you kid. Where is he? -Where is he? Lab two, relax. What's the matter? He's dead. -Lab two, relax. What's the matter? He's dead. No, you're dead! You're all dead! -He's dead. They're both dead. You don't understand what is on this ship. This is a being that kills. That's what he does. That's all he does. And he is very good at it. Kicker, Sven. Get into the grid and tell me what the hell is going on! -I doubt that. I think we can handle whatever your ancient hockey player can throw at us. Look! Just get everyone together, get off the ship... and then blow it to kingdom fucking come! That's the only way you're going to live. -I need to know what you know about this guy. Don't go out there. You can't win. We need to get off this ship. That's all there is to it. -Don't go out there. You can't win. We need to get off this ship. That's all there is to it. Not an option. I'm going to hunt this son of a bitch down. -We need weapons. Weapons? All this technology and what good has it done?! -Jesus, God! Oh man, what the hell happened? -Report to weapons. We're going on a hunt. Roger that. Time to kick some ass! -You sumbitch! Three dead! On my watch! If that...that thing is out there, it's dead! You got it!!! Fuckin A... -Fuckin A... Now get out of our way...get back to the lab and baby sit your snot nosed brats... we've got a job to do! -Kicker, anything? Negative. -Jesus, Sarge, what is this thing? Teach! Where the hell are you?! Where's our visuals?!! -Where is everybody? What happened? Damnit! You scared the hell out of me! -Damnit! You scared the hell out of me! Give me a break! What happened? -Give me a break! What happened? Jason. He's what happened. Then Grendel hit Space Lab. -Jason. He's what happened. Then Grendel hit Space Lab. Space Lab?! Wait'll I get my hands on Yllo. -Space Lab?! Wait'll I get my hands on Yllo. Yllo's dead. We...we thought you were too. -Yllo's dead. We...we thought you were too. Takes more than a steelbalde to take this old dog down. -Pull me in! I'm pulling, damnit! -Where are you going? We have to get off this ship. -You just need to relax. Rizzo ti's the future. We have soldiers on board, E-X Grunts, the baddest of the bad...and their weapons? I'm sure are slightly more advanced than what you're used to. I hope so. -Outta here? Isn't there an escape POD on this ship? Something? -Rizzo, he's out there. Yeah and he'll be here soon enough. Last chance. -Well, I'm not hanging out here with Ms. Showtunes. Guys!!! The shuttle? -Don't just stand there! Shoot him! No you don't! -Kkinsa, open the goddamn door! Yeah, that's it, scare the hell out of here, that'll work. -Kkinsa, Crutch is hurt! We need access to the shuttle's med-kit or he'll die. Med-kit? -Med-kit? I guessed. -We're screwed! 400 years in the future and these pea-shooters are the best you can do?! -What if you miss? What if we don't? -Rizzo?! It's better this way. If we were rescued Jason would just get off the ship. You want him on your precious Earth II? -Hey. That's a good fantasy, though. Kinky, but good. -That's a good fantasy, though. Kinky, but good. Hey!! -What's this? It's the engine, reactors, audiometers, it's the stuff that makes the ship go zoom. -That's why I'm here. So, you thought you'd be cool. Go against your father's wishes? Yeah, that's grown up. -My father's company imports and exports. Archaeology is part of the business. We happen to get along just fine, smartass. Look, why don't you bust somebody else's balls for a change. I thought you meant... -I thought you meant... You thought I meant...too tough to apologize, huh? You must have been a very lonely girl. -Jason seemed to have the right stuff. Physically, anyway. Radiation, cell damage, didn't matter. He just kept going. Were you close to your father? -They were all wrong. They couldn't control him. And what happend to ...? -I couldn't save them. Well, we'd be dead without you. You know that, don't you? -See? We're not so bad. Not so bad. -You know, this future shit sucks. I'll fucking do it. You? -You? Wait around on your asses all day. I'll need a distraction. -Got it. You ever space walked? Oh sure, all the time. -His mother was killed before his eyes. That's what drove him insane. It'll work. That sounds like Rizzo having faith in some of that future shit. -That sounds like Rizzo having faith in some of that future shit. Eat me. -You wanna release your air tanks? Okay, good tip. -Okay, good tip. You'll be fine. -Rizzo, you okay? No I'm not okay! I don't know what the hell I'm doing! -No I'm not okay! I don't know what the hell I'm doing! You're doing fine. I won't let anything happen to you, remember? -Rizzo, did they have chinese food in your time? I think I had some when I was eight. -I think I had some when I was eight. Did you like it? -Did you like it? I think so, why? -Delongpre, you don't even know me. I know you. -Rizzo, pull away! I'm stuck! -You okay?! Oh great...yeah, having a great time, and you? -Oh great...yeah, having a great time, and you? No thank you, you crazy old woman. -No thank you, you crazy old woman. Old woman? -Old woman? Well I mean, technically you are old enough to be my great, great, great... -Well I mean, technically you are old enough to be my great, great, great... I get it. -Now what? We wait. I need about fifteen. Call me if there are any changes. If she farts I want a full report. -It's time. What about the others? Shouldn't we wait? -What about the others? Shouldn't we wait? I've waited long enough. Kay . . . you know what to do. -Spunky . . . She broke my fucking nose! -Well? She needs a little time. -She needs a little time. More time...shit, she's had 400 years... -That's really funny. I'd want her statements before we reach porch. Jesus, women. -I'd want her statements before we reach porch. Jesus, women. Yeah, like you'd be a rock after everything she went through? -God damnit! Will you stop doing that?! Oh I like her a lot. -Shut up! She just wants this thing dead! No shit. I got no problem with that. -We must assume the machete was an intricate part of the game of hockey. I'm thinking Rizzo was right. -I'm thinking Rizzo was right. Thinking with your dick again, Delongpre? -Thinking with your dick again, Delongpre? Maybe we should go with them. Like you said, your Space Lab connections can deal with this thing. At least we'll be safe. -Maybe we should go with them. Like you said, your Space Lab connections can deal with this thing. At least we'll be safe. They are not going anywhere. I cut power to the shuttle. -Now hold on! We should hear her out! She's obviously dealt with this guy before. -Yuck. We're screwed. -Go-go-go-go-go!!!! He's right behind us! -I feel better. Now how do you fire this damn thing? Just go! I've a feeling he's right behind us! -It's on the table where I left it! What the hell are you doing?! Hurry up! I'm on my way. -Kaboom. Again?! Jesus! -Okay?!! Just come on, I've got an idea. -I'll help you in. Kay-Em, you've saved our lives, you know that don't you? -Oh, shit. He's going to see us. Well, do something! -He's trying to ask you out on a date. Shut up, Thorgan! -Push off toward us. Forget her, she's a pain in the ass. Let her hang there. -I...I don't know what I did... You lost the charge? -You lost the charge? He was chasing me! -They're not gonna make it. Close the door before he gets us all. They'll make it. -They'll make it. Close the fucking door! -Close the fucking door! NO! -And what's with the headgear? The mask is an artifact from a sport outlawed in twenty-twelve. -Now that's just gross. GO, GO, GO! -Now this is getting exciting. Remember to roll his balls around a bit. -You must shut down the engines. Then do it. The rescue ship can find us here right? -I knew you were a little sick, but Geez. I get no kick from champaign, mere alcohol doesn't faze me at all, but I get a kick out of you. -I'm missing two! Shit! Temp's dropping! We should have left this rock an hour ago! -Hey teach! This rock's starting to freeze! Get your ass back hre! Keep your shirt on! I'm working on it. You won't believe what we found. Adrienne! Stoney! -Oh my God . . . what the hell is . . . Just get us to the ship! -Fat Lou, we're changing courses for the Solaras Space Lab. I'll need the sergeant's okay on that. -I'll need the sergeant's okay on that. We've got a situation here! Just do as you're told! -We've got a situation here! Just do as you're told! Alright, relax. 20 minutes. Soon as we've passed Tara's rings we'll make the course correction. -Alright, relax. 20 minutes. Soon as we've passed Tara's rings we'll make the course correction. Thank you. -This is what it means right here. Small brains make your balls itch? -I'm gonna spew. That ought'a help the situation. -You think it killed . . . Yeah, I guess not. Let's just get out of here. -Hurry! She's lost it! So what else is new? -You read a lot of Science Fiction didn't you? A little late to be thinking about escape, isn't it? -YeaH, GREAT IDEA! And I'll keep the big guy distracted with a blow job. Would you? -You're so bossy. You're leaving me here alone? -You're quicker than usual. Later. -Later. You prefer an apple? -Jesus! Oh my God! Adrienne? -Look ice chip, why don't you just chill out and let us handle this? Try to calm down. Just think, you're going to be famous! -What are you doing? Jesus! Can't you knock? Diminish power to shutttle Beowulf. -What do we do?!! Crutch? -I'll tell you where he is. He's walking around this ship, killing anything that moves. Maybe she tripped. -Boeman don't. You know I'm right. Are you crazy?! Pull the lever! -No. Teleportation? Some way to beam us the hell out of dodge? -Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. I'm just saying. -I'm just saying. Come on. You got all these gadgets and shit. Why can't we get inside the right hull, seal up the doors and blow the walkways? -I don't know...sorry? Sergeant, we could use a big bomb. -Robot huh? Kay-em 14. -Kay-em 14. Barbie from hell... -Barbie from hell... Cybernetics science droid, fluent in over six... -Cybernetics science droid, fluent in over six... Yeah 3cpo, I saw STAR WARS, now how about you help me get out of this coffin, Barbie... -Yeah 3cpo, I saw STAR WARS, now how about you help me get out of this coffin, Barbie... I'm afraid I cannot assist. -I'm surrounded by idiots. You need to get laid! -No... That's the sound of the men working on the chain gang. Are there any other shuttles? -Sumbitch won't be giving us anymore trouble. You killed him? -You killed him? Blew half his skull away, one leg, one arm and left his entrails stretched across the lab. And look at me! I'm covered in his filthy blood! -The air's laced with type two ozone, it reads as a solid. Somebody wanted the place to stay hidden. -Somebody wanted the place to stay hidden. In twenty-eighty-two many of the survivors moved their facilities underground to escape . . . -The cryo unit leaked. The computers sealed the room. No airborne viruses no hazardous materials. I've shut down the until. Alright, stand back. Hold your breath. Initial cryo gasses will render you unconcious. -I didn't say I was good at it. Oh shit! There he is! -I'll never experience my fantasy of three sex droids, two humans, and a Knofflapod. Damn. Am I in there? -Am I in there? Sory... -It's just you and me, then. Come here, might as well fix that arm. -Almost done. Ow! -Ow! Oh, hush. I disengaged your pain programming. -Oh, hush. I disengaged your pain programming. Sometimes I just wish I had a kitten. -Sorry, sorry. Who are you apologizing to? -Who are you apologizing to? Good point. -Do I have to? Yes, I've reprogrammed you. You are very brave. Bad ass. -Yes, I've reprogrammed you. You are very brave. Bad ass. Oh, alright. -Kay-Em, you okay? Don't worry about me. I live for this shit. -You did good, Kay-Em. I'm proud of you. A real mamma's boy that one. Dissed his mamma and he nearly threw a tantrum. Little good it did him. -Kay-Em we made it! Oh, goody. I'm so pleased. I'd clap if I could. -Kay-em you okay? I am now. I missed you, Thorgan. -I am now. I missed you, Thorgan. I missed you too. -I missed you too. I love you. -Yo, Teach, what the fuck? We're missing two of the kids! -We're missing two of the kids! Get your ass back to the shuttle. I'll check it out. -Fat Lou, bring the ship to the following coordinates. Call Grendel, have them power up the labs, we're bringing in the find of the century! Now wait a minute! I don't think you should open that door. -Now wait a minute! I don't think you should open that door. This is a science excursion corporal. Just stay out of the way. -Kicker! Defense droids. I'm on it. -Leave him behind! No! He's coming with us! -I don't understand...what does he want? He wants to kill you...and me...and everyone on this ship. -What? Ssh. -How do you know? I just know. -Something's wrong. Keep trying! -The power's back up! Then open the doors! -Then open the doors! Thirty seconds. -Damn! Close the door! I'll be right back. What?!! -What?!! I gotta go back. -I gotta go back. But?!! -You son of a bitch, you know what time it is? We just left old Earth. You'll never believe what we found. -I'm sending you the files. Yeah, yeah if this is another ancient Farrari . . . -Yeah, yeah if this is another ancient Farrari . . . Trust me. I'm bypassing regular channels. See what kind of payday we're looking at. -Trust me. I'm bypassing regular channels. See what kind of payday we're looking at. Alright, I'm . . . No way . . . is this a joke? -Hypothetically, how much are we talking? If you're for real, you're looking at a million credits for viewing rights alone. Doesn't include touring and guest lectures. When can you get them here? -If you're for real, you're looking at a million credits for viewing rights alone. Doesn't include touring and guest lectures. When can you get them here? I'll reset our course . . . 3 hours? -I'll reset our course . . . 3 hours? See you then . . . doctor. -Where..? Who . . .? I'm alive. You brought me back. Obviously so. -How did I get here, how did you bring me back? Nanotechnology. -Nanotechnology. Nano...but nanotechnology is impossible. -Nano...but nanotechnology is impossible. We've had Nano-Tech for the last 30 years. -We've had Nano-Tech for the last 30 years. 30? How long was I out? -Now lay back we need to do some tests and I have some questions... JASON?! WHERE IS HE?! -We need to do some tests...I'd like to ask you a few questions. But...I...400 years? -But...I...400 years? That's right, now if you could... -Jason? He's on this ship?! Of course he is. He's the most relevant find in 400 years...except for you, of course. Look if you're worried about PR don't be. You're walking and talking. He's a stiff. You'll get the publicity. -Of course he is. He's the most relevant find in 400 years...except for you, of course. Look if you're worried about PR don't be. You're walking and talking. He's a stiff. You'll get the publicity. Are you finished? -Jason! Can't you see? He did this. Impossible! He was dead before he entered Cryo-statis. There is no possible way he could be alive. -Impossible! He was dead before he entered Cryo-statis. There is no possible way he could be alive. I didn't say he was alive. -Azrael can you repeat that? Get him out of there! -That's ridiculous. You're overreacting. Why don't you get it? He's going to kill us all! -You're not going anywhere. You wanna die? -You wanna die? Are we locked down? -What good will that do? They can deal with this sort of thing. -They can deal with this sort of thing. More soldiers? -More soldiers? Scientists. Very intellegent men. -Scientists. Very intellegent men. That's great. I bet they'll kick Jason's ass at a spelling bee! -Guys, please come with me! 4You're not going anywhere. -How do you open the damn door? You're crazy! -It's okay, he just wanted his machete. Three...two...one... -The hockey player? He a friend of yours? Hockey player? He's not a ... -Hockey player? He's not a ... He's dead! Everyone's dead! Old Earth is dead! -He's dead! Everyone's dead! Old Earth is dead! Old Earth? -What have you done? What have I done?! Idiots. -So, you're saying thse guys have like, lasers and stuff? They could hack him to pieces? Exactly. -Yes! Listen up duck fuckers, you can't kill this thing. -Listen to me. Please. Let's get off thsi ship. Come with me. Rizzo, a shuttle out in the middle of space? We'll die oout there. -Can we get through these? Sure but what good will that do? -Guys, he's right behind us! It's okay. -Cut my hand. Hit by a vampire. On the swing? I told you not to play near there until I sanded it down. See what your son did? -Son! -- Out of the water now! My boat's neat, dad! -My boat's neat, dad! I want him out of the ocean. -You're not going to the ocean with that, are you son? I'm all checked out for light surf and look at it. -I'm all checked out for light surf and look at it. Do me this favor just once. Use the ponds. -Do me this favor just once. Use the ponds. Dad, the ponds are for old ladies. -Dad, the ponds are for old ladies. Just a favor for your old man. -Just a favor for your old man. Sure, Dad. -My cars. And a comic book. Here -- Take him home. -Did you bring a check? What? -What? Cash? Or do we do this on a handshake and a promise? -Cash? Or do we do this on a handshake and a promise? I'm authorized by the township of Amity to hire you as an independent contractor. We'll meet your price. $10,000. -I'm authorized by the township of Amity to hire you as an independent contractor. We'll meet your price. $10,000. And my regular daily rate -- $200, whether we catch him or not. -And my regular daily rate -- $200, whether we catch him or not. You got it. -You got it. And incidental damages, if any... -And incidental damages, if any... You got it. -You got it. And you get the Mayor off my back with this zoning crap. Nobody tells me how to run my property. -And you get the Mayor off my back with this zoning crap. Nobody tells me how to run my property. You got it. -You got it. And, uh, a case of apricot brandy and you buy the lunch. -And, uh, a case of apricot brandy and you buy the lunch. Two cases. And dinner when you land. -Two cases. And dinner when you land. Try some of this. I made it myself. -This is Matt Hooper... I know who he is... -I know who he is... He's from the Oceanographic Institute. -Hey. Knock it off. I don't want to have to listen to this while we're out there... What do you mean 'We...?' -What do you mean 'We...?' It's my charter. My party. -It's my charter. My party. All right, Commissioner. But when we're on my ship, I am Master, Mate and Pilot. And I want him... ...along for ballast. -All right, Commissioner. But when we're on my ship, I am Master, Mate and Pilot. And I want him... ...along for ballast. You got it. -Keep that chum line going -- we've got five good miles. Don't break it. Who's driving the boat? -Who's driving the boat? Nobody. We're drifting with the current. -Why are we way out here, when the shark's back there? ...'cause this is where he lives. You gotta think like they do. -You got it? Get behind me, dummy! Reverse her and turn -- he's taking too much line! Wet my reel, quick! -The wire's showing! Unbuckle me -- fast! Grab the leader. He ain't normal, this one... they never -- -What's the point with hooks and Lines? -- Don't tell me my business! Quarter-mile, that way. Full throttle. -How -- if they're gonna keep on breaking? What I do is trick him to the surface, got that? Then I can jab him, understand? Think I'm gonna haul it in as if he's a catfish, like everyone else does? -I never saw one that big. What do we do? Get some help? Radio in? -Why don't we go in? Get another crack at him tomorrow. We got a barrel on him. We can't lose him. We stay out here until we find him. -Let's call in -- we can radio and have a big boat here in an hour... You hired me, remember? It's my $10,000. It's my shark... -Look a' that -- Bayonet Iwo Jima. C'mon. Middle appendix -- -C'mon. Middle appendix -- I almost had 'im. -What's that one, there? Tattoo. Had it taken off. -He's busting the shaft! Start the pump! Where...? -Where...? The bilge pumps. There -- -That's it! Radio in for help! Shut up! Just pump her out! -Shut up! Just pump her out! Yeah, Captain, as soon as I make a call. -Did you get him in the head? No! No! No! Swing around! After him! -What about us? Have to pump her steady, s'all. -He can't stay down with three barrels on him! Where is he?! Have you ever had one do this? -Have you ever had one do this? No! -He's trying to sink us! Dead astern! Zig-zag! -He's chasing us! I don't believe it. Full throttle! To port! -He's comin' up -- ! He's taken him! -How come the sun didn't used to shine in here? 'cause when we bought the house it was Autumn. This is summer. Feed the dogs. -Right. Do you see the kids? -Do you see the kids? Probably out in the back yard. -Probably out in the back yard. In Amity, you say 'Yahd.' -In Amity, you say 'Yahd.' The kids are in the yahd, playing near the cah. How's that sound? -The kids are in the yahd, playing near the cah. How's that sound? Like you're from N'Yawk. -Like you're from N'Yawk. Give me 30 years, I'll get it. -Did you burn another kettle? Y'know you're a fire hazard? This is the third one! I never hear the whistle. -I never hear the whistle. Feed the dogs. -You want to go through those? I'm taking them to the Thrift Shop. It's Marcia Vaughn's pet charity. Pick out what you want to keep -- it's mostly your city clothes. I used to wear this to the Garden. Garbage strikes. Dog shit. Muggers. Ship it. -I used to wear this to the Garden. Garbage strikes. Dog shit. Muggers. Ship it. Don't be silly -– You're going to make summer better for them... -Don't forget these. Oh, yeah. How do I look? Older, huh? -Oh, yeah. How do I look? Older, huh? I think they make you look sexy. -Sexy, hm? What was I before? Older, sillier. -Older, sillier. I don't want to depend on these things, y'know -– sometimes you can weaken your eyes. -Be careful. Here? You gotta be kiddin'. -Love ya. Hey Chief. Bring my cup back. -You're very tight, y'know? Right there. Ow. He's gotta be more careful in the water... -Can you stand something to eat? Love a cup of tea. With lemon. -Mikey loves his birthday present. Where is he? -Where is he? He's sitting in it. -It's three feet deep, Martin Michael! Come inside! -Michael! Come inside! It's his birthday present, and you closed the beach, Honey. I told him not to go in the water after what happened yesterday. I don't believe he'll ever do it again. -It's his birthday present, and you closed the beach, Honey. I told him not to go in the water after what happened yesterday. I don't believe he'll ever do it again. I told him not to go out until he memorized the handbook and the safety safety regulations, until he was sure of himself... -How come you have to tell them that? Excuse me, but what are you talking about? Didn't they catch the shark this afternoon? It was on the Cape station news. -You too, sweetheart... Thank you. -Why don't we have one more drink, you and I, and then we go down and cut open that old shark and see for sure what's inside him, or not. Can you do that? -Can you do that? I am Chief of Police. I can do anything I want. You want to come? -Home... New York? No. Home here. -Colorful, isn't he? You going to be all right? -You going to be all right? Nothing to worry about -- I'll survive this. -Nothing to worry about -- I'll survive this. I'll see you back soon. There's an extra pair of glasses in your black socks, and there's some suntan lotion and blistex in your kit. -Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum. What'll I tell the kids? -What'll I tell the kids? Tell 'em I went fishin'! -Martin! Are you going to shut down the beach on your own authority? Do I need any more authority? -Now tell me something I don't know. All I'm saying is that Amity is a summer town -- we need summer dollars, and if they can't swim here, they'll use the beaches at Cape Cod, or Long Island. -All I'm saying is that Amity is a summer town -- we need summer dollars, and if they can't swim here, they'll use the beaches at Cape Cod, or Long Island. So we should set out a smorgasbord? -I don't think you can appreciate the gut reaction people have to these things. I was only reacting to what I was told. -I can't work in a vacuum. Why don't you make Hendricks Chief? His family's been here since the Puritans -- half this island are his cousins. Martin, we hired the best man we could find. -I'll get to that in a minute. First, I plan to start our seasonal summer help early, and to use shark spotters on beaches open to the sea. I'd like cooperation from local fishermen, and I've also contacted the Oceanographic Institute over on the mainland. No need to involve outsiders in our business, Martin. -Only 24 hours! I didn't agree to that! -Larry, if you'd see these clowns leave, you'd never believe they'd come back with anything. But they got him! That's good. That's real good. Ben Meadows getting pictures for the paper. -That's good. That's real good. Ben Meadows getting pictures for the paper. Sure he is. -Who's that young man? Matt Hooper, the specialist they send down from the Oceanographic Institute. -Matt Hooper, the specialist they send down from the Oceanographic Institute. I think we all owe a debt of gratitude to these men for catching this monster. -Why not, Larry? We could get a positive confirmation that way. Be reasonable, boys -- this isn't the time or the place to do some kind of half-assed autopsy on a fish. Ben... do you have all the pictures you need? -She's right. Let's all get out of here, this place stinks. -Let's all get out of here, this place stinks. I'm going home. -He lost it on the way up. What kind of a shark did you say it was? -We have got to close the beaches. We have got to get someone to kill the shark, we need non-corrosive mesh netting, we need scientific support... It's gonna cost money just to keep the nuts out and save what we have. I don't thing either of you is familiar with our problems... -You'd love to prove that. Getting your name in the National Geographic. Larry, we can re-open the beaches in August. -Larry, we can re-open the beaches in August. August! Tomorrow is the 4th of July, and we are going to open for business. It's going to be our best summer in years. If you're so concerned about the beaches, you two, you do whatever you have to to keep them safe, but with you or without you, the beaches stay open this weekend. -Got a pen on you? Why? -Why? There's only one thing you're good for anymore -- signing a damn voucher. Here. It's an authorization to employ a contractor. -There's only one thing you're good for anymore -- signing a damn voucher. Here. It's an authorization to employ a contractor. I don't know if I can do that without a... -I don't know if I can do that without a... I'm going to hire Quint to kill the fish. I want to see that shark dead. -I'm going to hire Quint to kill the fish. I want to see that shark dead. Maybe we can save August... -Maybe we can save August... Forget it. This summer's had it. Next summer's had it. You're the mayor of Shark City. You wanted to keep the beaches open. What happens when the town finds out about that? -Forget it. This summer's had it. Next summer's had it. You're the mayor of Shark City. You wanted to keep the beaches open. What happens when the town finds out about that? I was acting in the town's best interests... -I was acting in the town's best interests... The best interest in this town would be to see that fish belly-up in the water with a hole in his head. You do the right thing. You authorize me. Right there. Whatever it costs. -The best interest in this town would be to see that fish belly-up in the water with a hole in his head. You do the right thing. You authorize me. Right there. Whatever it costs. My kids were on that beach... -My kids were on that beach... Just sign it, Larry. -There's a fantail launch out there that won't make it beyond the breakwater. You're tellin' me. I swear, this town has gone crazy. -You're tellin' me. I swear, this town has gone crazy. Officer, I wonder if you could tell me where I could find Chief Brody? -Officer, I wonder if you could tell me where I could find Chief Brody? Who are you? -Who are you? Hooper, Matt Hooper. From the Oceanographic Institute. -...height and weight may only be estimated from partial remains. Torso severed in mid-thorax, eviscerated with no major organs remaining. May I have a drink of water? Right arm severed above the elbow with massive tissue loss from upper musculature. Portions of denuded bone remaining. -- did you notify the coast guard? No, it was local jurisdiction. -No, it was local jurisdiction. Left arm, head, shoulders, sternum and portions of ribcage intact. Please don't smoke. With minor post- mortem lacerations and abrasions. Bite marks indicate typical non-frenzy feeding pattern of large squali, possibly carchaninus lonimanus, or isurus glaucas. Gross tissue loss and post-mortem erosion of bite surfaces prevent detailed analysis; however, teeth and jaws of the attacking squali must be considered above average for these waters. -- Did you go out in a boat and look around? -Left arm, head, shoulders, sternum and portions of ribcage intact. Please don't smoke. With minor post- mortem lacerations and abrasions. Bite marks indicate typical non-frenzy feeding pattern of large squali, possibly carchaninus lonimanus, or isurus glaucas. Gross tissue loss and post-mortem erosion of bite surfaces prevent detailed analysis; however, teeth and jaws of the attacking squali must be considered above average for these waters. -- Did you go out in a boat and look around? No, we just checked the beach... -No, we just checked the beach... It wasn't an 'accident,' it wasn't a boat propeller, or a coral reef, or Jack the Ripper. It was a shark. It was a shark. -Well, if one man can catch a fish in 50 days, then I guess 50 of these bozos can catch a fish in one day -- beginner's luck. You did it! Did Ben Gardner catch this? -I didn't say this wasn't the shark, I just said I wasn't sure this was the one... What d'ya mean? -What d'ya mean? There are hundreds of different kinds of sharks; makos, blues, hammerheads, white-tips... any one of them could've attacked. Look -- shark digestion is slow. We could open this one up, and find whatever he's been eating is still inside. -Dynamite! How was your day...? Swell. -We ought to let it breathe... Whatever. Let's all have a drink. -Drowning. Lemme ask you something. Is it true most attacks take place in three feet of water, around 10 feet from the beach? Yeah. Like the kid on your beach. I wish I could've examined that shark they caught... -Yeah. Like the kid on your beach. I wish I could've examined that shark they caught... Something else. Do most attacks go unreported? -Something else. Do most attacks go unreported? About half of them. A lot of 'missing swimmers' are really shark victims. -About half of them. A lot of 'missing swimmers' are really shark victims. There's a kind of a lone shark, called, uh... -There's a kind of a lone shark, called, uh... Rogue? -Rogue? Yeah. Rogue. Picks out an area where there's food and hangs out there as long as the food supply lasts? -Yeah. Rogue. Picks out an area where there's food and hangs out there as long as the food supply lasts? It's called Territoriality. It's a theory. -It's called Territoriality. It's a theory. And before 1900, when people first starting swimming for recreation, before public bathing and resorts, there were very few shark attacks, cause sharks didn't know what they were missing? -And before 1900, when people first starting swimming for recreation, before public bathing and resorts, there were very few shark attacks, cause sharks didn't know what they were missing? You could say that. -...And it was Dartmouth Winter weekend, and she was Homecoming Queen, and I was her date; then she got into the fact that her family had more money than my family, and she was right -- her great-grandfather was in mining, and my ancestors were Yankee shipbuilders. So we broke up and I went home with some beatnik from Sarah Lawrence. What stinks so bad? -What stinks so bad? Our friend, the shark. -What's that? Half a flounder. Hmmm... a burlap bag... a paint can... aha! -Half a flounder. Hmmm... a burlap bag... a paint can... aha! What? What?! -What? What?! Just as I thought. He drifted up here with the Gulf Stream, from southern waters. -Just as I thought. He drifted up here with the Gulf Stream, from southern waters. How can you tell? -How can you tell? Florida license plate. -Florida license plate. He ate a car? -He ate a car? No, but Tiger sharks are the garbage cans of the ocean. They eat anything. But this one didn't eat any people. There's nothing here... -...Nothing. What do we do? -What do we do? If you're looking for a shark, you don't look on land. You go out and chum for him. -If you're looking for a shark, you don't look on land. You go out and chum for him. Chum? -Chum? Only one sure way to find him -- offer him a little something to eat. Chum -- blood, waste meat, fish, anything. They can sense it miles away. If he's out there, we might be able to get a closer look at him. It's a good time, too. They're night feeders... -What is all this stuff? Depth-finder, fathometer, sonar, closed-circuit TV -- fore and aft -- RDF, single side band... And two loose nuts behind the wheel. -Depth-finder, fathometer, sonar, closed-circuit TV -- fore and aft -- RDF, single side band... And two loose nuts behind the wheel. Can you tell from that if a big man- eater is around? -Can you tell from that if a big man- eater is around? Sometimes. Look here -- something big, probably a school of mackerel clumped together. And staying right with us. -Where'd you get all this? I Bought it. Both sets of grandparents set up trust funds for me; stocks went up, so I don't have to touch my principal. -I Bought it. Both sets of grandparents set up trust funds for me; stocks went up, so I don't have to touch my principal. You're at the Institute full time? Or do you have a job? -You're at the Institute full time? Or do you have a job? It is a job. I'm not fooling around like some amateur. It's my life! -It is a job. I'm not fooling around like some amateur. It's my life! We gotta get back soon... -What happened? I want to check something. Hold my feet. -Don't they have lifejackets or something? An extra boat? They must've hit something. -He didn't have a dinghy aboard. I'm going down to take a look at his hull. Why don't we just tow it in? -Why don't we just tow it in? We will. There's something I've got to find out. -We will. There's something I've got to find out. Be careful, for chrissake. -You all right? A White! A Great White, I found a tooth buried in the hull. He must've attacked... I knew it... Gardner's dead in there. I didn't see the mate... -A White! A Great White, I found a tooth buried in the hull. He must've attacked... I knew it... Gardner's dead in there. I didn't see the mate... No shark did that to a boat! -There is a kind of shark called a Great White Shark that every expert in the world agrees is a maneater. You're situation here suggests that a Great White has staked out a claim in the waters around Amity Island, and that he will continue to feed here as long as there is food in the water. -You're situation here suggests that a Great White has staked out a claim in the waters around Amity Island, and that he will continue to feed here as long as there is food in the water. There's no limits to where he can strike, and we've had three attacks and two deaths in the past few days. It happened like this before, in 1916, when a Great White killed five swimmers at Jones Beach, in Long Island. -There's no limits to where he can strike, and we've had three attacks and two deaths in the past few days. It happened like this before, in 1916, when a Great White killed five swimmers at Jones Beach, in Long Island. A shark's attack is stimulated by the kind of splashing and activity that occurs whenever humans go swimming -- you can't avoid it! -A shark's attack is stimulated by the kind of splashing and activity that occurs whenever humans go swimming -- you can't avoid it! A 4th of July beach is like ringing a dinner bell, for Chrissake! -A 4th of July beach is like ringing a dinner bell, for Chrissake! I just pulled a shark tooth the size of a shot glass out of the hull of a wrecked boat out there. -I just pulled a shark tooth the size of a shot glass out of the hull of a wrecked boat out there. We towed Ben Gardner's boat in, Larry; he was dead and his boat was all chewed up. -I'm familiar with the fact that you are going to ignore this thing until it swims up and bites you on the ass! There are only two ways to solve this thing: you can kill it, or you can cut off its food supply... That means closing the beaches. -Wait a minute! I need you. Out there is a Perfect Engine, an Eating Machine that is a miracle of evolution -- it swims and eats and that's all. Look at that! Those proportions are correct. I know sharks. -I hope we get some more help. I wish it would rain... -This has got to be one big violation... This is quite a place. -What's that, a ship? You were on the Indianapolis? In '45? Jesus... -What the hell? It's a whale out there. -Don't shoot him any more! He's crazy on his own blood already! I can't stand here doing nothing! -Quint...? No... You think we can get back with those? -What day is this? Wednesday... No, it's Tuesday, I think. -Wednesday... No, it's Tuesday, I think. Think the tide's with us? -Think the tide's with us? Just keep kicking. -Just keep kicking. Y'know, I used to hate the water... -Y'know, I used to hate the water... I can't imagine why. -Christine what? Worthingsly... Worthington -- no one ever died on me before. -Worthingsly... Worthington -- no one ever died on me before. You picked her up on the ferry. -You picked her up on the ferry. I didn't know her. -I didn't know her. And nobody else saw her in the water? -And nobody else saw her in the water? Somebody could've -- I was sort of passed out. -Somebody could've -- I was sort of passed out. Think she might've run out on you? -Think she might've run out on you? Oh, no, sir. I've never had a woman do that. I'm sure she drowned. -Oh, no, sir. I've never had a woman do that. I'm sure she drowned. You from around here? -You from around here? No. Cambridge. Harvard. My family's in Tuxedo, New York, though. -No. Cambridge. Harvard. My family's in Tuxedo, New York, though. You here for the summer? -You here for the summer? Some friends and me took a house. -Some friends and me took a house. What d'you pay for a place just for the summer? -What d'you pay for a place just for the summer? A thousand apiece, something like that. There's five of us. And we each kick in a hundred a week for beer and cleaning, stuff like that. -A thousand apiece, something like that. There's five of us. And we each kick in a hundred a week for beer and cleaning, stuff like that. Pretty stiff. -Where'd you hide the 'Beach Closed' signs? We never had any. What's the problem? -Polly told me to tell you there's a scout troop in Avril Bay doing the mile swim for their Merit Badges. I couldn't call them in, there's no phone out there. Get out of there – take these back to the office and make up some 'Beach Closed' signs, and let Polly do the printing. -Get out of there – take these back to the office and make up some 'Beach Closed' signs, and let Polly do the printing. What's the matter with my printing? -...So then Denherder and Charlie sat there trying to catch their breath, and figuring out how to explain to Charlie's wife what happened to her freezer full of meat. That wasn't funny. -Mrs. Kintner must've put her ad in Field and Stream. Looks more like the readers of the National Enquirer. -We're not even sure what it was. What else could've done that? -...and Bill Mayhew almost caught him in his net...? Doctor, you're the one who told me what it was! -Look, I've got to talk to her. This isn't a contest we want the whole country entering. I agree. If she's going to advertise, I wouldn't recommend out-of-town papers. Amity people could take care of this. -I agree. If she's going to advertise, I wouldn't recommend out-of-town papers. Amity people could take care of this. I'm responsible for public safety around here... -I'd like to tell you what we're doing so far. These are some of the steps I've taken as Chief of Police... What's going on with the beaches, Chief? -You wanna call it a night after here? It's only two-thirty. What, are you tired? -It's only two-thirty. What, are you tired? Yeah, Charlie, I got my second wind three nibbles back. -Leg of lamb this time? Screw lamb -- let's shoot the sirloin! -Screw lamb -- let's shoot the sirloin! We're blowin' half the bounty on bait -- -One more after this, then I'm going home. Set? -You do this all the time, right, Charlie? Twenty years. -Twenty years. I can't believe that people pay money to go fishing. This is really dumb. This isn't even relaxing... it's just boring. -Look at him take it! Do I set the goddam hook? -Do I set the goddam hook? Let him do it! Go-go-go-go-go! -Hi. I'm Matt Hooper. If your husband is here, I'd like to talk to him. So would I. Come on in. -Would you like something? Some coffee? Is anyone having this...? -My husband tells me you're in sharks. I wouldn't put it that way. But I love sharks. -I wouldn't put it that way. But I love sharks. You love sharks? -You love sharks? I do. But you've still got a problem here, there's a shark just off the island somewhere. -Here's to your husband, the only other rational man on the island. Day after tomorrow, I'll be gone, and he'll be the only one. You're leaving? -You're leaving? Going out on the 'Aurora.' -Going out on the 'Aurora.' Is that a boat? -Is that a boat? Is it! The best-funded research expedition to ever study the shark... around the world in 18 months. -Is it! The best-funded research expedition to ever study the shark... around the world in 18 months. Like those Cousteau specials on television? I think it's for the kids, but I love them. -Like those Cousteau specials on television? I think it's for the kids, but I love them. Better than Cousteau, or Compagno with computers, telemetry, Defense Department funding... -Better than Cousteau, or Compagno with computers, telemetry, Defense Department funding... I saw a show with sea otters, and a big turtle... Mikey loved it. Made me promise to get him one. Will you live on the boat? -I saw a show with sea otters, and a big turtle... Mikey loved it. Made me promise to get him one. Will you live on the boat? Yep. -Yep. Martin hates boats. Hates the water. On the ferry to the mainland, he sits in the car the whole way over. He's got this childhood thing, there's a clinical word for it. -...push this? Oh. It's working. Hello, Martin? This is Quint, Missus. -This is Quint, Missus. I just wanted to know if you were all right... the Coast Guard let me use their radio. Is Chief Brody there? -I just wanted to know if you were all right... the Coast Guard let me use their radio. Is Chief Brody there? He's busy. -He's busy. Well... is everything all right? -Well... is everything all right? Just fine, Missus. We'll be back soon. Everything's fine. We haven't seen anything yet. Orca out. -What have you got there, Lenny? We had a shark attack at South Chop this morning, Mayor. Fatal. Gotta batten down the beach. -Who've you told this to, Lenny? I just found out about it -- but there's a bunch of Boy Scouts in the water a coupla miles down the coast from where we found the girl. Avril Bay, thereabouts. Chief went to dry them off. -I just found out about it -- but there's a bunch of Boy Scouts in the water a coupla miles down the coast from where we found the girl. Avril Bay, thereabouts. Chief went to dry them off. Take my car, okay? You come with us, Lenny. -Take my car, okay? You come with us, Lenny. I've got all these signs here... -I've got all these signs here... C'mon, it'll give us time to think about what they're going to say. -I've been to sea since I was 12. I've crewed three Trans-pacs -- Transplants? -Transplants? -- and an America's Cup Trials... --- and an America's Cup Trials... I'm not talking about day sailing or pleasure boating. I'm talking about working for a living. Sharking. -I'm not talking about day sailing or pleasure boating. I'm talking about working for a living. Sharking. And I'm not talking about hooking some poor dogfish or sand shark. I'm talking about a Great White. -And I'm not talking about hooking some poor dogfish or sand shark. I'm talking about a Great White. Are you now. I know about porkers in the water -- Here. Tie me a sheepshank. -I don't need to pass basic seamanship. Let me see your hands... -Ha. City hands. You been counting money. If you had a $5000 net and $2000 worth of fish in it, and along comes Mr. White, and makes it look like a kiddy scissors class has gone to work on it and made paper dolls. If you'd ever worked for a living, you'd know what that means. Look, I don't need to hear any of this working class hero crap. Some party boat skipper who's killed a few sharks... -Hey, Squirt! You want to stow this gear or you want me to use it for ballast? It ain't good for much but bait. I'll see ya. Tell Dorothy hello. -Hello, Junior. What are you? Some kind of half-assed astronaut? Jesus Christ, when I was a kid, every little squirt wanted to be a harpooner or a sword fisherman. What d'ya have there -- a portable shower? Anti-Shark cage. -Anti-Shark cage. Who's inside, you or the shark? -What's that supposed to prove? Just a little appetizer. I want our porker to know we're serving. I want to put some iron into that big yap... -Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Hell, in the old days we went out with good charts, good sounding lead, and a damn good compass. Nowadays, these kids are afraid to go out without depth finders, radar, radio, electric toothbrush, every stupid thing... -Watch it! Compressed air -- you screw around with one of those and Boom! Careful, huh? Real fine stuff but it won't mean a thing to Mr. Whitey, of course... he didn't go to schools in electronics. He was born with what he does best. Eat. He's a swimming appetite. 'Course he might eat this stuff, but then I've seen him eat a rocking chair, too. Next time, ask me. -That's pilot whale, isn't it? It ain't a Big Mac. The expert don't approve. What do you thing? You're closer to the situation. -Hey, you! Farmer! Half-speed there... Aye, Aye SIR. Stand by to repel boarders. Poop the mainsail. Argh, Jim Boy. -Gettin' ready to run again -- no? No? What's he playin' here? Put the gloves on! Let's see who's gonna tease who now! Let it go, don't waste your time. -Let it go, don't waste your time. Down here, Hooper! -I don't know what it is, but it's not a shark. Look -- you may be a big Yahoo in the lab, but out here you're just supercargo, and you'll do as I say, or you can take your gear and backstroke home. Now get down here! -A marlin, or a stingray. Huh. Don't ever tell me my business again. Get back up on the bridge. I'm okay... -I'm okay... Fasten the pole. -Over there! What do you see? -What do you see? At least you handle the boat all right. Stop. Here... Cut the engine. -20 feet, if it's an inch... 25 feet. And three tons of him there. -Wire burn. Trying to stop a backstay from taking my head off. Moray Eel. Bit right through a wet suit. -Face and head scars come from amateur amusements in the bar room. This love line here... ...that's from some crazy Frenchie come after me with a knife. I caught him with a good right hand right in the snot locker and laid him amongst the sweetpeas. Ever see one like this? -Bull shark scraped me while I was taking samples... Nothing! A pleasure scar. Look here -- -I'll drink to your leg. And I'll drink to yours. -...Mako. Fell out of the tail rope and onto the deck. You don't get bitten by one of those bastards but twice -- your first and your last. I think I can top that, Mister... -Don't tell me -- 'Death Before Dishonor.' 'Mother.' 'Semper Fi.' Uhhh... 'Don't Tread on Me.' C'mon -- what? 'U.S.S Indianapolis.' 1944. -Easy! It'll tear right out! The shaft is giving. -Coming right to us! No -- comin' right at us! Slow ahead, he'll hit us head on -- Slower! Throttle back --- -He's heading under -- ! No way! He can't! -Follow him! He's under! -What can that gun of yours do? Power head with 20 ccs of strychnine nitrate. If I can hit him. I can kill him. But I gotta be close. Very close. -That's disgusting! This is the largest, meanest, most vicious shark ever landed off Amity Island, and a known maneater! Let's just cut him open and see what's inside... -I'm sorry, Martin. She's in a sick, terrible state. Look, maybe this is the wrong time to pursue this, but I'm not sure... -Is that tooth here? Did anyone see it? I don't have it. -Carcaradon carcharias. A Great White. Well, I'm not going to commit economic suicide on that flimsy evidence. We depend on the summer people for our lives, and if our beaches are closed, then we're all finished. -Sick vandalism! Brody, that's a deliberate mutilation of a public service message! I want those little paint-happy bastards caught and hung up by their baby Buster Browns! That's it! I'm standing here arguing with a guy who can't wait to be a hot lunch. Goodbye. -Paul? Are you coming downstairs to eat? I don't think so. -I don't think so. You ran eight miles today, Puppy. -You ran eight miles today, Puppy. I'm not hungry, oddly. -I'm not hungry, oddly. But it's breakfast for supper. Your favorite, Paulie. I made French toast and sausage. Patties, not linkies, just like you like it. -Juno MacGuff called while you were out running. She wants to know if you're coming to her little coffeehouse performance on Saturday. Thanks for the message. -Thanks for the message. You know how I feel about her. -You know how I feel about her. You've mentioned it about fifty times. -You've mentioned it about fifty times. I just hope you don't consider her a close friend. -Hey Bleek. Hey, cool tiger. Looks proud. -Hey, cool tiger. Looks proud. Yeah, I swiped it from Ms. Rancick. -Yeah, I swiped it from Ms. Rancick. Cool. -Cool. Your shorts are looking especially gold today. -Your shorts are looking especially gold today. My mom uses color-safe bleach. -My mom uses color-safe bleach. Go Carole. So, guess what? -Go Carole. So, guess what? I don't know... -I don't know... I'm pregnant. -When I see them all running like that, with their things bouncing around in their shorts, I always picture them naked, even if I don't want to. I have intrusive thoughts all the time. I'm supposed to be running. -I'm supposed to be running. I know. -So, what do you think we should do? I thought I might, you know, nip it in the bud before it gets worse. Because I heard in health class that pregnancy often results in an infant. -I thought I might, you know, nip it in the bud before it gets worse. Because I heard in health class that pregnancy often results in an infant. Yeah, typically. That's what happens when our moms and teachers get pregnant. -Yeah, typically. That's what happens when our moms and teachers get pregnant. So that's cool with you, then? -So that's cool with you, then? Yeah, wizard, I guess. I mean do what you think is right. -Yeah, wizard, I guess. I mean do what you think is right. I'm real sorry I had sex with you. I know it wasn't your idea. -I'm real sorry I had sex with you. I know it wasn't your idea. Whose idea was it? -Whose idea was it? I'll see you at school, O.K.? -Well! Nothing like experimenting. I did the prep questions for this lab last night. You can copy my answers if you need to. -Oh, I couldn't copy your work. But you copy my work every week. -But you copy my work every week. Oh yeah. I'm kind of a deadbeat lab partner, huh? -Oh yeah. I'm kind of a deadbeat lab partner, huh? I don't mind. You definitely bring something to the table. -I don't mind. You definitely bring something to the table. Charisma? -Charisma? Or something. -Hey Juno... A couple of us are going to the cineplex after school to donut that movie with the guy with eighteen kids. Sorry, Bleek... Going for my ultrasound. Gotta note and everything. -Sorry, Bleek... Going for my ultrasound. Gotta note and everything. Okay, cool. -Okay, cool. I'll try to drop by later. -What's up? I just wanted to come over. You know, say hi. I miss hanging out with you on school nights. -I just wanted to come over. You know, say hi. I miss hanging out with you on school nights. I miss it too. -So, it looks like you're getting pregnant-er these days. Yeah. Um, I hooked up a whole private adoption thing. These married people in Saint Cloud are going to be the parents. -Really? What are they like? The guy is super cool! His name is Mark and he's into old horror movies and he plays guitar. I actually hung out with him today. -The guy is super cool! His name is Mark and he's into old horror movies and he plays guitar. I actually hung out with him today. Is that normal? -Is that normal? I asked my dad and Bren not to narc us out to your folks, so we should be safe. -I asked my dad and Bren not to narc us out to your folks, so we should be safe. Oh. That's a relief. -I'm going to really start looking like a dork soon. Will you still think I'm cute if I'm huge? I always think you're cute. I think you're beautiful. -Jesus, Bleek. Well, I do. -Hey Junebug, when all this is over we should get the band back together again. Yeah. Sure. Once Tino gets a new drumhead we should be good to go. -Yeah. Sure. Once Tino gets a new drumhead we should be good to go. We could get back together too. -We could get back together too. Were we together? -Well, we were once. You know, that time. What about Katrina De Voort? You could go out with Katrina De Voort. -What about Katrina De Voort? You could go out with Katrina De Voort. I don't like Katrina. -I don't like Katrina. I totally heard you did. -I totally heard you did. I don't. Katrina smells like soup. Her whole house smells of soup. -Are you honestly and truly going to prom with Katrina De Voort? Um, hi? -Um, hi? Leah just told me you were going with her. -Leah just told me you were going with her. Yeah, I did ask her if she wanted to go. A bunch of us from the team are going to Benihana, then the prom, then Vijay's parents' cabin. -We're getting a stretch limo. Your mom must be really glad you're not taking me. -Your mom must be really glad you're not taking me. You're mad. Why are you mad? -You're mad. Why are you mad? I'm not mad. I'm in a fucking great mood. Despite the fact that I'm trapped in a fat suit I can't take off, despite the fact that everyone is making fun of me behind my back, despite the fact that your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday... -I'm not mad. I'm in a fucking great mood. Despite the fact that I'm trapped in a fat suit I can't take off, despite the fact that everyone is making fun of me behind my back, despite the fact that your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday... Katrina's not my girlfriend! And I doubt she was actually giving you the stinkeye. She just looks like that all the time. -You're being really immature. What? -That's not how our thing works! I hurl the accusations and you talk me down, remember? Not this time. You don't have any reason to be mad at me. You broke my heart. I should be royally ticked at you, man. I should be really cheesed off. I shouldn't want to talk to you anymore. -Not this time. You don't have any reason to be mad at me. You broke my heart. I should be royally ticked at you, man. I should be really cheesed off. I shouldn't want to talk to you anymore. Why? Because I got bored and had sex with you one day, and then I didn't, like, marry you? -Why? Because I got bored and had sex with you one day, and then I didn't, like, marry you? "Like I'd marry you! You would be the meanest wife of all time. And anyway, I know you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV. The Blair Witch Project was on Starz, and you were like, ""Oh, I want to watch this, but we should make out instead. La la la.""" -"Like I'd marry you! You would be the meanest wife of all time. And anyway, I know you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV. The Blair Witch Project was on Starz, and you were like, ""Oh, I want to watch this, but we should make out instead. La la la.""" Forget it, Bleek. Take Katrina the Douche Packer to the prom. I'm sure you guys will have a really bitchin' time! -Forget it, Bleek. Take Katrina the Douche Packer to the prom. I'm sure you guys will have a really bitchin' time! Yeah, well... I still have your underwear. -Yeah, well... I still have your underwear. I still have your virginity! -I still have your virginity! Oh my God, SHUT UP! -Oh my God, SHUT UP! What? Are you ashamed that we did it? -What? Are you ashamed that we did it? No... -No... Well at least you don't have to walk around with the evidence under your sweater. I'm a planet! -Wait, let me take that. Huh? -Huh? You shouldn't be carrying that heavy bag. I'll take it. -You shouldn't be carrying that heavy bag. I'll take it. Oh. It's fine. What's another ten pounds? -Did you put like a hundred things of Tic Tacs in my mailbox? Yeah. That was me. -Yeah. That was me. Why? -Why? Because they're your fave. And you can never have too much of your favorite one-calorie breath mint. -Because they're your fave. And you can never have too much of your favorite one-calorie breath mint. Well... thanks. I think I'm pretty much set until college on the Tic Tac front. -Well... thanks. I think I'm pretty much set until college on the Tic Tac front. You know, I've been thinking. I'm really sorry I was such a huge bitch to you. You didn't deserve that. You never deserve any of the poo I unload on you. -You know, I've been thinking. I'm really sorry I was such a huge bitch to you. You didn't deserve that. You never deserve any of the poo I unload on you. You know it's okay. -You know it's okay. Also, I think I'm in love with you. -Also, I think I'm in love with you. What, you mean as friends? -What, you mean as friends? No, for real. I think you are the coolest person I've ever met. And you don't even have to try. -No, for real. I think you are the coolest person I've ever met. And you don't even have to try. I try really hard, actually... -I try really hard, actually... "No, you're naturally smart. You always think of the funniest things to do. Remember when you passed me that postcard during Spanish class, and it was addressed like, ""Junebug MacGuff, Row 4, Third Seat From the Blackboard""? And it said, ""I'm having fun in Barcelona -- wish you were here""? That was hilarious." -"No, you're naturally smart. You always think of the funniest things to do. Remember when you passed me that postcard during Spanish class, and it was addressed like, ""Junebug MacGuff, Row 4, Third Seat From the Blackboard""? And it said, ""I'm having fun in Barcelona -- wish you were here""? That was hilarious." I was just bored. I only think school is awesome like, 80% of the time. -I was just bored. I only think school is awesome like, 80% of the time. Plus, you're the only person who doesn't stare at my stomach all the fucking time. You actually look at my face. And every time I look at you, the baby starts kicking me super hard. -Plus, you're the only person who doesn't stare at my stomach all the fucking time. You actually look at my face. And every time I look at you, the baby starts kicking me super hard. It does? -Wizard! I think it's because my heart starts pounding when I see you. -I think it's because my heart starts pounding when I see you. Mine too. -Mine too. Basically, I'm completely smitten with you, and I don't care if I'm making an ass out of myself right now, because you've seen me make an ass out of myself a million times, and you still want to be my friend. -Basically, I'm completely smitten with you, and I don't care if I'm making an ass out of myself right now, because you've seen me make an ass out of myself a million times, and you still want to be my friend. Well, yeah. You're the best friend I've ever had, even when you're being kind of evil. -Well, yeah. You're the best friend I've ever had, even when you're being kind of evil. That's all I need from you. That's more than I could ever ask for. You're just golden, dude. -That's all I need from you. That's more than I could ever ask for. You're just golden, dude. Can we make out now? -Can we make out now? Okay. -You're a part time lover and a fulltime friend. The monkey on your back is the latest trend. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. Here is the church and here is the steeple. We sure are cute for two ugly people. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. -Here is the church and here is the steeple. We sure are cute for two ugly people. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. We both have shiny happy fits of rage. You want more fans, I want more stage. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. -We both have shiny happy fits of rage. You want more fans, I want more stage. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. You are always trying to keep it real. I'm in love with how you feel. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. -You are always trying to keep it real. I'm in love with how you feel. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train. I kiss you all starryeyed, my body's swinging from side to side. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. -I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train. I kiss you all starryeyed, my body's swinging from side to side. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me. So why can't you forgive me? I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you. -Hey man. Oh, hey Vijay. -Oh, hey Vijay. Did you hear Juno MacGuff is pregnant? -Did you hear Juno MacGuff is pregnant? Yup. -Yup. Just like our moms and teachers! -Just like our moms and teachers! Yup. -Yup. Did you hear it's yours? -Did you hear it's yours? Yup. -Yup. What a trip, man. -What a trip, man. I don't really know anything about it. -I don't really know anything about it. You should grow a moustache. You're a real man now. -You should grow a moustache. You're a real man now. I can't grow a moustache. It never comes in evenly. -I can't grow a moustache. It never comes in evenly. Me neither. But I'm going to stop wearing underpants in order to raise my sperm count. See you. -What? I'm not made of stone. Well, there we have it. Would you like to know the sex? -Wait, what's that supposed to mean? I just see a lot of teenage mothers come through here. It's obviously a poisonous environment for a baby to be raised in. -They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they'll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass stepdaughter ever would. Have you considered that? No... I guess not. -No... I guess not. What is your job title, exactly? -What is your job title, exactly? Excuse me? -Excuse me? I said, what-is-your-job-title, Missy? -I said, what-is-your-job-title, Missy? I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am. -I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am. Well I'm a nail technician, and I think we both ought to stick to what we know. -Well I'm a nail technician, and I think we both ought to stick to what we know. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? You think you're special because you get to play Picture Pages up there? -Nails? Really? No, I mean the father! Who's the father, Juno? -Just tell it to me straight, Bren. Do you think this is my fault? Her mother's fault? I think kids get bored and have intercourse. And I think Junebug was a dummy about it. But we have to move on from here and help her figure it out. -I think kids get bored and have intercourse. And I think Junebug was a dummy about it. But we have to move on from here and help her figure it out. I'm not ready to be a Pop-Pop. -I'm not ready to be a Pop-Pop. You're not going to be a Pop-Pop. And Juno's not going to be a ma. Somebody else is going to find a precious blessing from Jesus in this garbage dump of a situation. I friggin' hope. -You're not going to be a Pop-Pop. And Juno's not going to be a ma. Somebody else is going to find a precious blessing from Jesus in this garbage dump of a situation. I friggin' hope. Did you see it coming when she sat us down here? -Did you see it coming when she sat us down here? Oh God yeah. But I was hoping she was expelled or into hard drugs. -Oh God yeah. But I was hoping she was expelled or into hard drugs. That was my first instinct too. Or D.W.I. Anything but this. And I'm going to punch that Bleeker kid in the weiner the next time I see him. -That was my first instinct too. Or D.W.I. Anything but this. And I'm going to punch that Bleeker kid in the weiner the next time I see him. Oh Mac, no! He's a sweet kid. You know it wasn't his idea. -Juno? Did you happen to barf in my urn? Mac, you know that nice urn by the front door, the one I got up in Stillwater? I found some weird blue shit, I mean stuff, gunk, in there this morning. I would never barf in your urn, Brenda. Maybe L.B. did it. -I have no idea how to spit this out. Hon, did you get expelled? -Hon, did you get expelled? No. The school would probably contact you in the event of my expulsion. -No. The school would probably contact you in the event of my expulsion. Well, I was just asking. It seemed plausible. -Oh, God... But I'm going to give it up for adoption. I already found the perfect people. -But they have a real lawyer and everything. I'm going to meet with them next weekend. Junebug, that is a tough, tough thing to do. Probably tougher than you can understand right now. -Junebug, that is a tough, tough thing to do. Probably tougher than you can understand right now. Well, I'm not ready to be a mom. -No. Well, you're a brave young lady. You're made of stronger stuff than I thought. You're a little Viking! -Well, you're a brave young lady. You're made of stronger stuff than I thought. You're a little Viking! Cool it. -Cool it. First things first, we have to get you healthy. You need prenatal vitamins. Incidentally, they'll do incredible things for your nails, so that's a plus. Oh, and we need to schedule a doctor's appointment. Find out where you're going to deliver. -First things first, we have to get you healthy. You need prenatal vitamins. Incidentally, they'll do incredible things for your nails, so that's a plus. Oh, and we need to schedule a doctor's appointment. Find out where you're going to deliver. "The term ""deliver"" is so weird. Can we not say ""deliver""?" -Where the hell have you been, Junebug? I drove to St. Cloud to show Mark and Vanessa the ultrasound. And I wound up staying for a couple of hours. -I drove to St. Cloud to show Mark and Vanessa the ultrasound. And I wound up staying for a couple of hours. A couple of hours? Why are you going up there in the first place? -A couple of hours? Why are you going up there in the first place? They said they wanted to know about this stuff. They said to keep them updated, so I did! -They said they wanted to know about this stuff. They said to keep them updated, so I did! You could have sent it to them. Why would you drive an hour out to East Jesus, Nowhere? -You could have sent it to them. Why would you drive an hour out to East Jesus, Nowhere? I don't know, I just did. And while we were waiting for Vanessa, Mark and I watched The Wizard of Gore and he burned me some CDs of weird music. He's kind of cool. -That was a mistake, Juno. Mark is a married stranger. You overstepped a boundary. Listen, Bren-duhhh, I think you're the one overstepping boundaries. You're acting like you're the one who has to go through this and get huge and push a baby out of your vag for someone else. Besides, who cares if he's married? I can have friends who are married. -Listen, Bren-duhhh, I think you're the one overstepping boundaries. You're acting like you're the one who has to go through this and get huge and push a baby out of your vag for someone else. Besides, who cares if he's married? I can have friends who are married. It doesn't work that way, kiddo. You don't know squat about the dynamics of marriage. -It doesn't work that way, kiddo. You don't know squat about the dynamics of marriage. You don't know anything about me! -You don't know anything about me! I know enough. -We don't even have a dog! Yeah, because you're allergic to their saliva. I've made a lot of sacrifices for you, Juno. And in a couple years you're going to move out -- and I'm getting Weimaraners. -Yeah, because you're allergic to their saliva. I've made a lot of sacrifices for you, Juno. And in a couple years you're going to move out -- and I'm getting Weimaraners. Wow, dream big! -Wow, dream big! Oh, go fly a kite. -Ow, ow, fuckity-ow. Bren, when do I get that Spinal Tap thing? It's called a spinal block, and you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough. -It's called a spinal block, and you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough. You mean I have to wait for it to get even worse? Why can't they just give it to me now? -You mean I have to wait for it to get even worse? Why can't they just give it to me now? Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream. -Shit. Hey, can we give my kid the damn spinal tap already? It really didn't hurt that bad having him. -So, Juno. First off, how far along are you? I'm a junior. -I'm a junior. No, I mean in your pregnancy. -No, I mean in your pregnancy. Oh. Uh, my stepmom took me to the doctor yesterday and they said I was twelve weeks. -Yeah. Yeah! The way people used to do it. Quick and dirty, like ripping off a Band-Aid. Well, then we agree a traditional closed adoption would be best for all involved, then? -Well, then we agree a traditional closed adoption would be best for all involved, then? Shit, yeah. Close it up. -Amanda, I told you to go to the infirmary and lie down. You never listen. No Josh, I don't take orders. Not from you and not from any man. -No Josh, I don't take orders. Not from you and not from any man. You know, you've been acting like this ever since I went up to see my brother at Mankato. I told you, nothing happened! -You know, you've been acting like this ever since I went up to see my brother at Mankato. I told you, nothing happened! Something happened. Because your eyes? Are very cold? They're very cold, Josh. They're cold, lying eyes. -Something happened. Because your eyes? Are very cold? They're very cold, Josh. They're cold, lying eyes. What? My eyes are not lying! -What? My eyes are not lying! Yes they are, Josh. Since Mankato, they have been lying eyes. -Good. Call me when you're OFF the rag. Fine. Call me when you learn how to love just one person and not cheat at your brother's college just because you had four Smirnoff Ices and a bottle of Snow Peak Peach flavored Boone's! -Fine. Call me when you learn how to love just one person and not cheat at your brother's college just because you had four Smirnoff Ices and a bottle of Snow Peak Peach flavored Boone's! Good, I'll be sure to do that, Amanda. I'll make a note of it. -This is our attorney, Gerta Rauss. Geeeerta Rauuuss! -No. Cool. Well, let's sit down and get to know each other a bit. -So, let's discuss how we're gonna do this... thing. Well, I just have the baby and give it to you, right? -Whoah. I don't want to see pictures. I don't need to be notified of anything. Can't we just kick it old school? I could just put the baby in a basket and send it your way. You know, like Moses in the reeds. Technically, that would be kickin' it Old Testament. -Whoops! Yikes, I didn't expect to see you up here. Sorry. I was just getting something. -Sorry. I was just getting something. Did your wife send you up here to spy on me? -Did your wife send you up here to spy on me? What? No! Do we come off like paranoid yuppies or something? -What? No! Do we come off like paranoid yuppies or something? Well, you don't just invite a random pregnant teenager into your house and leave her unsupervised. I could be a total klepto, for all you know. -Well, you don't just invite a random pregnant teenager into your house and leave her unsupervised. I could be a total klepto, for all you know. I don't get a klepto vibe from you. Evil genius? Maybe. Arsonist? Wouldn't rule it out. -I don't get a klepto vibe from you. Evil genius? Maybe. Arsonist? Wouldn't rule it out. I did steal a squirt of perfume. What do you think? It's Clinique Happy. -Am I supposed to feel happy now? You should be happy, Holmes. I'm giving you and Vanessa the gift of life. Sweet, screaming, pooping life! And you don't even have to be there when the baby comes out of me all covered in... -You should be happy, Holmes. I'm giving you and Vanessa the gift of life. Sweet, screaming, pooping life! And you don't even have to be there when the baby comes out of me all covered in... Viscera? -Viscera? Blood and guts. -Blood and guts. We'd better get back downstairs ASAP. -Oh. That's, uh, my room. Vanessa lets me have a room for all my old stuff. Wow, you get a whole room in your own house? She's got you on a long leash there, Mark. -Wow, you get a whole room in your own house? She's got you on a long leash there, Mark. Shut up. -It's beautiful. I've always liked Gibson better than Fender. What do you play? -What do you play? I rock a Harmony. -I rock a Harmony. Oh. -Oh. What? I'm a pawn shop rocker. -What? I'm a pawn shop rocker. Sorry. I swear I'm not a gear snob. -What is that, Mahogany? What happens if you crack the neck? Tell me about it. I used to play in a really tight band back when I lived in Chicago, and one night we opened for the Melvins... do you know who the Melvins are? -Tell me about it. I used to play in a really tight band back when I lived in Chicago, and one night we opened for the Melvins... do you know who the Melvins are? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, we were playing with them and I busted this guitar onstage. It cost me $800 and a dime bag just to have it fixed. -Well, we were playing with them and I busted this guitar onstage. It cost me $800 and a dime bag just to have it fixed. When was this, like '96? -When was this, like '96? '93. I'm telling you that was the best time for rock and roll. -'93. I'm telling you that was the best time for rock and roll. Nuh-uh, 1977! Punk Volume 1. You weren't there, so you can't understand the magic. -Nuh-uh, 1977! Punk Volume 1. You weren't there, so you can't understand the magic. You weren't even alive! -Your guitar is named Kimber? Yeah. -Yeah. That's all right. My axe is named Roosevelt. After Franklin, not Ted. Franklin was the hot one with the polio. -Juno? Wow, I didn't expect to see you here. I've got something really cool to show you guys. Is Vanessa here? -I've got something really cool to show you guys. Is Vanessa here? No, she's working late tonight. She's trying to accrue some extra time off for when, you know... -Right. I hear they can be kind of a time-suck. Come on in. You wanna Ginseng Cooler? -Come on in. You wanna Ginseng Cooler? Sure. What is it with you rich people and your herb-infused juices? -Sure. What is it with you rich people and your herb-infused juices? I don't know. Something to do with the four-packs... ...They're not bad. -Why aren't you at work? I mostly work from home. I'm a composer. -I mostly work from home. I'm a composer. No shit. Like Johannes Brahms? -No shit. Like Johannes Brahms? No, more commercial stuff. -No, more commercial stuff. Like what? -Like what? Commercials. -Commercials. Oh. -Oh. Have you seen those ads for Titanium Power men's deodorant? -Have you seen those ads for Titanium Power men's deodorant? Titanium Power! Get more snatch by the batch! -Titanium Power! Get more snatch by the batch! I wrote that. -I wrote that. You're kind of a sellout, aren't you? What would the Melvins say? -You're kind of a sellout, aren't you? What would the Melvins say? They'd say you came a long way out here not knowing if anyone would be home. -Behold, good sir! The very first photo of your future child. You're kidding! -I think it kind of looks like my friend, Paulie. Oh, is he bald and amorphous? -Oh, is he bald and amorphous? No, he's the dad. -Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl? The doctor can tell, but I decided not to know. I want it to be a big surprise. -The doctor can tell, but I decided not to know. I want it to be a big surprise. Well, it can really only go two ways. -Well, it can really only go two ways. That's what you think. I drink tons of booze so you might get one of those scary neuter-babies that's born without junk. -That's what you think. I drink tons of booze so you might get one of those scary neuter-babies that's born without junk. Junk? -Junk? You know... it's parts... -You know... it's parts... I know what junk is. -I know what junk is. Yeah? -Yeah? We definitely want it to have junk. -We definitely want it to have junk. Well don't worry about it. My stepmom is forcing me to eat really healthy. She won't even let me stand in front of the microwave or eat red M&Ms. Hope you're ready. -What is it? "It's only my favorite song. It's Sonic Youth doing ""Superstar"" by the Carpenters." -"It's only my favorite song. It's Sonic Youth doing ""Superstar"" by the Carpenters." I've heard the Carpenters before. Chick drummer and freaky dude. Not unlike the White Stripes. -I've heard the Carpenters before. Chick drummer and freaky dude. Not unlike the White Stripes. You haven't heard the Carpenters like this. Listen. -Don't you remember you told me you loved me, baby... Hey, I like this. -Hey, I like this. This album is all Carpenters covers by alt-rock bands. It's called If I Were a Carpenter. It is God. I'll rip a copy for you before you leave. -This album is all Carpenters covers by alt-rock bands. It's called If I Were a Carpenter. It is God. I'll rip a copy for you before you leave. You don't have to do that. -You don't have to do that. It's the least I can do. What did you say your favorite band was? -It's the least I can do. What did you say your favorite band was? I didn't. But it's a three-way tie between the Stooges, Patti Smith and the Runaways. -I didn't. But it's a three-way tie between the Stooges, Patti Smith and the Runaways. Yeah, I definitely need to make you some CDs. At least while my kid is hanging out in there. -The Wizard of Gore? Oh yeah. It's Herschel Gordon Lewis. He's the ultimate master of horror. -Oh yeah. It's Herschel Gordon Lewis. He's the ultimate master of horror. Please. Dario Argento is the ultimate master of horror. -Argento's good, but Lewis is completely demented. We're talking buckets of goo. Red corn syrup everywhere. And fake brains up the yin-yang. Frankly, this looks kind of stupid. -This is even better than Suspiria. You've got decent taste in slasher movies, Mark. Here's to dovetailing interests. -So, have you and Vanessa thought of a name for the baby yet? Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison for a girl. -Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison for a girl. Madison? Isn't that kind of... I don't know, gay? -Madison? Isn't that kind of... I don't know, gay? God, pretentious much? I guess everyone should have a mysterious name like Juno, huh? -God, pretentious much? I guess everyone should have a mysterious name like Juno, huh? My dad went through this phase where he was obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology. He named me after Zeus's wife. I mean, Zeus had other lays, but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wife. She was supposed to be really beautiful but really mean. Like Diana Ross. -My dad went through this phase where he was obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology. He named me after Zeus's wife. I mean, Zeus had other lays, but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wife. She was supposed to be really beautiful but really mean. Like Diana Ross. That suits you. -That suits you. Uh, thanks. -Uh, thanks. You know, not many teenage girls in your situation would actually go through with this. -You know, not many teenage girls in your situation would actually go through with this. I weighed my options. But after all this, I'm glad I didn't, you know, get rid of it. I want to have it. For you guys. -I weighed my options. But after all this, I'm glad I didn't, you know, get rid of it. I want to have it. For you guys. You're something else. -Vanessa. Shit, you better get out of here. Why? What the big deal? -Why? What the big deal? Nothing. She just hates when I sit around watching movies and 'not contributing.' -Nothing. She just hates when I sit around watching movies and 'not contributing.' I'll handle this. I'm really good at diffusing mom-type rage. -Juno was nice enough to bring this by for us. I came over as soon as I got that cold ultrasound goo off my pelvis. My stepmom verbally abused the ultrasound tech so we were escorted off the premises. -Hey, what kind of swag did you score? Yeah. Mall madness, huh? -I doubt anyone's throwing us a shower. Why? -Cold feet. You should have gone to China. I heard they give away babies like free iPods. They shoot 'em out of those T-shirt guns at sports events. -Hello? So, I've been spending a lot of time listening to that weird CD you made me. -Oh really? What's the verdict? I sort of like it. I mean, it's cute. -I sort of like it. I mean, it's cute. Cute? -Cute? Well, when you're used to the raw power of Iggy and the Stooges, everything else sounds kind of precious by comparison. -Well, when you're used to the raw power of Iggy and the Stooges, everything else sounds kind of precious by comparison. I imagine you have a collection of punk chestnuts to prove your point. -I imagine you have a collection of punk chestnuts to prove your point. Consider it your musical education. -Consider it your musical education. I'm dying to see what you've got to teach me. -I'm dying to see what you've got to teach me. Okay, stop surfing porn and get back to work. Just wanted to say hi. -Okay, stop surfing porn and get back to work. Just wanted to say hi. Go learn something. -Wow. That shirt is working hard. Is Vanessa here? -Is Vanessa here? Nope. We're safe. -Cool. Come on, I have something for you. -Oh, Mark! Is this the baby's room? It's beautiful! Hilarious. No, I just keep all of my old comics down here, and I want to show you one of them. -Hilarious. No, I just keep all of my old comics down here, and I want to show you one of them. Oh God, you're one of those guys... -Oh God, you're one of those guys... You're gonna like this, I promise. -"""Most Fruitful Yuki""? What is... Oh my god, she's a pregnant superhero!" Isn't that great? I got it when I was in Japan with my band. She reminds me of you. -Wow, I actually feel like less of a fat dork now. Most Fruitful Yuki is bad ass, man. You should be proud to be the same condition. -What? I actually know this one. -I actually know this one. You do? -You do? Yeah, this song's older than me, if you can believe that. I danced to it at my senior prom. -Yeah, this song's older than me, if you can believe that. I danced to it at my senior prom. That's almost interesting, Mark. Who did you dance with? -That's almost interesting, Mark. Who did you dance with? Her name was Cynthia Vogel and she was a good dance partner. Even let me put my hands on her butt. -Her name was Cynthia Vogel and she was a good dance partner. Even let me put my hands on her butt. Oh man, I can just picture you slow dancing like a dork! -Oh, okay. Like this. You've never been to a dance, have you? -You've never been to a dance, have you? Only squares and nerds go to dances. -Only squares and nerds go to dances. What are you? -What are you? I don't know. -I'm leaving Vanessa. What? -What? It's just not working out, but I'm getting my own place in the city... and I've got it all planned out. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time... -No. No? -No? No. No, you definitely cannot do that, Mark. That's a big, fat sack of no! -No. No, you definitely cannot do that, Mark. That's a big, fat sack of no! What's the matter? -What's the matter? This isn't what we agreed on. You guys have to take care of... this! You are the chosen custodians of the big-ass bump! -But I thought you'd be cool if... I want you guys to adopt the Buglet. I wanted everything to be perfect. Not shitty and broken like everyone else's family. Listen, once I have the baby, Vanessa is going to finally be happy, and everything will be all right. Believe me on this one! -I want you guys to adopt the Buglet. I wanted everything to be perfect. Not shitty and broken like everyone else's family. Listen, once I have the baby, Vanessa is going to finally be happy, and everything will be all right. Believe me on this one! A baby is not going to fix everything. Besides, I don't know if I'm ready to be a father. -A baby is not going to fix everything. Besides, I don't know if I'm ready to be a father. But you're old! -But you're old! I... How do you think of me, Juno? Why are you here? -I... How do you think of me, Juno? Why are you here? I don't know. I just liked being your friend. I sort of liked becoming furniture in your weird life. -I don't know. I just liked being your friend. I sort of liked becoming furniture in your weird life. This... ...this is what my life has become. Stuff in boxes. Stuff underground. Is that so appealing to you? -This... ...this is what my life has become. Stuff in boxes. Stuff underground. Is that so appealing to you? Yeah, I guess... Is this my fault? Is Vanessa mad at you because of me? -Yeah, I guess... Is this my fault? Is Vanessa mad at you because of me? That's not the point. We're just not in love anymore. -That's not the point. We're just not in love anymore. Yeah, but didn't you love Vanessa when you married her? If you love someone once, you can love them again, I know it. My friend Leah has gone out with the same guy, like, four times. You're just not trying. -Please don't get a divorce! God, Mark, just do me a solid and stay with your wife. God, you're so young. -God, you're so young. Not really. I'm sixteen. I'm old enough to tell when people are acting like total a-holes! -Uh, hi Su-Chin. Oh, hi Juno. How are you? -Oh, hi Juno. How are you? Good. I'm good. Did you finish that paper for Worth's class yet? -Good. I'm good. Did you finish that paper for Worth's class yet? No, not yet. I tried to work on it a little last night, but I'm having trouble concentrating. -No, not yet. I tried to work on it a little last night, but I'm having trouble concentrating. You should try Adderall. -You should try Adderall. No thanks. I'm off pills. -No thanks. I'm off pills. "Wise move. I know this girl who had a huge crazy freakout because she took too many behavioral meds at once. She took off her clothes and jumped into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and she was like, ""Blaaaaah! I'm a kraken from the sea!""" -"Wise move. I know this girl who had a huge crazy freakout because she took too many behavioral meds at once. She took off her clothes and jumped into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and she was like, ""Blaaaaah! I'm a kraken from the sea!""" I heard that was you. -I heard that was you. Well, it was nice seeing you. -Juno! Your baby probably has a beating heart, you know. It can feel pain. And it has fingernails. Really? Fingernails? -Hi! I'm Vanessa. You must be Juno and Mr. MacGuff. I'm Vanessa. Vanessa, right? -Can I take your coats? Sure. -Wicked pic in the Penny Saver, by the way. Super classy. Not like those other people with the fake woods in the background. Like I'm really going to fall for that, you know? You found us in the Penny Saver? -I'll get drinks. What would everyone like? I've got Pellegrino, Vitamin Water... A Maker's Mark, please. Up. -Oh, that's marvelous. So you're almost into your second trimester, then? Yeah, apparently. I'm having it on May 4. -Yeah, apparently. I'm having it on May 4. The tough part's almost over for you. I mean, my girlfriends always tell me the first couple months are the hardest. -The tough part's almost over for you. I mean, my girlfriends always tell me the first couple months are the hardest. Yeah, but I hardly noticed it. I'm more worried about the part where I have to start wearing jeans with an elastic panel in the front. -Yeah, but I hardly noticed it. I'm more worried about the part where I have to start wearing jeans with an elastic panel in the front. I think pregnancy is beautiful. -I think pregnancy is beautiful. Well, you're lucky it's not you. -Well, shall we start looking over the paperwork? Gerta has already drafted some preliminary documents. Can I use the facilities first? Being pregnant makes you pee like Seabiscuit. -Can I use the facilities first? Being pregnant makes you pee like Seabiscuit. Sure. The powder room down here is being re-tiled, but you can use the master bath upstairs. Go up, then turn left and on your right... -Sure. The powder room down here is being re-tiled, but you can use the master bath upstairs. Go up, then turn left and on your right... Room with a toilet, got it. -Oh. Sure. Of course you'd want to know how your kid is cooking. So, then, you really think you're going to go ahead with this? -I'm going to say I'm 104% sure. Oh really? -Oh really? Look, if I could give it to you now, I would. But it probably looks like a Sea Monkey at this point, so I think we should leave it in there for a while until it gets cuter, you know? -Juno! God, you startled me. What are you doing here? What's wrong? Nothing... -Nothing... Then what's going on? -Then what's going on? I went to the doctor today. -Is the baby okay? Sure. It's the right size and everything. I even saw its phalanges today! Check this... -What... This is the baby. Your baby. -Oh my God... "Doesn't it look like it's waving? It's kind of like it's saying ""Hi, Vanessa. Will you be my mommy?""" -"Doesn't it look like it's waving? It's kind of like it's saying ""Hi, Vanessa. Will you be my mommy?""" Yeah. Yeah, it kind of does. -Oh it's just some stuff I picked up. For, you know, the baby. Babies need a lot of things. I want everything to be just right. I thought people got all that stuff at baby showers. When my stepmom had my sister I remember she got about a million presents. They were all lame though, so I wasn't jealous. -Um, I think people are kind of unsure about the situation because it's not, you know, set in stone. What do you mean? You mean... Do you think I'm going to flake out on you? -What do you mean? You mean... Do you think I'm going to flake out on you? No, no, I don't think that, Juno. It's just that, we went through a situation before where it didn't work out. -Right. Well, Juno, your parents must be wondering where you are. You might want to head home. Naah. I'm already pregnant, so they figure nothing worse could happen to me. I gotta bounce anyway. It was nice seeing you guys again. -Well hi Vanessa! What brings you to the mall today? Just, you know, shopping with my girlfriends. -No... Please excuse Leah. She's mentally challenged. -Please excuse Leah. She's mentally challenged. Oh, okay. So... how are you feeling? -Oh, okay. So... how are you feeling? Happy? Oh, you mean like, physically. I'm good. Look, I have a snooze button now! -Um... Juno, can I -- Can I touch it? Are you kidding? Everyone at school is always grabbing at my belly. I'm like a legend. They call me the Cautionary Whale. -Oh my God -- It moved! I felt it! Elbow. -Elbow. Wow! It's magical. -Juno? What's going on? Nothing. -Mark? Why is Juno crying? I'm not crying. I'm allergic to fine home furnishings. See you later. -Hi. I'm here for the big show? Your name, please? -Your name, please? Juno MacGuff. -Would you like some free condoms? They're boysenberry. No thank you. I'm off sex. -No thank you. I'm off sex. My partner uses these every time we have intercourse. They make his balls smell like pie. -My partner uses these every time we have intercourse. They make his balls smell like pie. Congrats. -You should have seen this octopus furnace. I had to get out my Hazmat suit just to get up in there... My dad used to be in the Army, but now he's just your average HVAC specialist. He and my mom got divorced when I was five. She lives on a Havasu reservation in Arizona... -So Juno, how did your maneuver go last night? Which maneuver, sir? The one in which I moved an entire living room set from one lawn to another, or the one in which I cleared a sixty-four ounce blue slushie in ten minutes? -Do you need a large sum of money? Legal counsel? No, no, I'm definitely not asking for anything. Except maybe mercy. Like, it would be really great if nobody hit me. -No, no, I'm definitely not asking for anything. Except maybe mercy. Like, it would be really great if nobody hit me. What have you done, Junebug? Did you hit someone with the Previa? -They say they're going to pay my medical expenses and everything. I promise this will all be resolved in thirty-odd weeks, and we can pretend it never happened. You're pregnant? -You're pregnant? I'm so sorry, you guys. If it's any consolation, I have heartburn that's like, radiating down to my kneecaps and I haven't gone number two since Wednesday. Morning! -Who is the kid? The baby? I don't know anything about it yet. I only know it's got fingernails, allegedly. -What? Paulie Bleeker? I didn't know he had it in him! -Okay, this is no laughing matter. No, it's not. Paulie is virile, by the way. He was very good in... chair. -Did you say you were thinking about adoption? Yeah, well, there's this couple who've been trying to have a baby for five years. -Damn skippy, you're not! You don't even remember to give Liberty Bell her breathing meds. Once! And she didn't die, if you recall! -I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when. I have no idea what kind of girl I am. -She's joking. Junebug has a wonderful sense of humor, which is just one of her many genetic gifts. I also have good teeth. No cavities. We finally got fluoridated water in Dancing Elk. -Excuse me? Well, no... I'm not going to sell the baby. I just want it to grow up with people who are ready to love it and be parents. I'm in high school, dude. I'm ill-equipped. -Hi Dad. Hey, big puffy version of Junebug. Where have you been? -Hey, big puffy version of Junebug. Where have you been? Dealing with stuff way beyond my maturity level. Where is everyone? -Dealing with stuff way beyond my maturity level. Where is everyone? Bren took Liberty Bell to her tot ice skating class. -Bren took Liberty Bell to her tot ice skating class. Tot ice skating? Tots can't ice skate. Liberty Bell's still getting the hang of stairs. -Tot ice skating? Tots can't ice skate. Liberty Bell's still getting the hang of stairs. No, but you know Bren. She dreams big. -No, but you know Bren. She dreams big. Yeah, she does. -Yeah, she does. You look a little morose, honey. What's eating you? -You look a little morose, honey. What's eating you? I'm losing my faith in humanity. -I'm losing my faith in humanity. Think you can narrow it down for me. -Think you can narrow it down for me. I guess I wonder sometimes if people ever stay together for good. -I guess I wonder sometimes if people ever stay together for good. You mean like couples? -You mean like couples? Yeah, like people in love. -Yeah, like people in love. Are you having boy trouble? I gotta be honest; I don't much approve of you dating in your condition, 'cause... well, that's kind of messed up. -Are you having boy trouble? I gotta be honest; I don't much approve of you dating in your condition, 'cause... well, that's kind of messed up. Dad, no! -Dad, no! Well, it's kind of skanky. Isn't that what you girls call it? Skanky? Skeevy? -Well, it's kind of skanky. Isn't that what you girls call it? Skanky? Skeevy? Please stop now. -Please stop now. Tore up from the floor up? -Tore up from the floor up? Dad, it's not about that. I just need to know that it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever. Or at least for a few years. -Dad, it's not about that. I just need to know that it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever. Or at least for a few years. It's not easy, that's for sure. Now, I may not have the best track record in the world, but I have been with your stepmother for ten years now, and I'm proud to say that we're very happy. -I sort of already have. Well, of course. Your old D-A-D! You know I'll always be there to love and support you, no matter what kind of pickle you're in. -What?! Either I just pissed my pants or... -Either I just pissed my pants or... Or... -Or... Thundercats are go! -Well, well. If it isn't MacGuff the Crime Dog! Back for another test? I think the last one was defective. The plus sign looked more like a division sign. -Maybe you're having twins. Maybe your little boyfriend's got mutant sperms and he knocked you up twice! Silencio! I just drank my weight in Sunny D. and I have to go, pronto. -Well, you know where the lavatory is. You pay for that pee stick when you're done! Don't think it's yours just because you've marked it with your urine! Jesus, I didn't say it was. -Jesus, I didn't say it was. Well, it's not. You're not a lion in a pride! These kids, acting like lions with their unplanned pregnancies and their Sunny Delights. -So what's the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle? Minus or plus? I don't know. It's not... seasoned yet. Wait. Huh. Yeah, there's that pink plus sign again. God, it's unholy. -Yo-yo-yiggity-yo. I am a suicide risk. -I am a suicide risk. Is this Juno? -Is this Juno? No it's Morgan Freeman. Got any bones that need collecting? -No it's Morgan Freeman. Got any bones that need collecting? Only the one in my pants. -Only the one in my pants. Dude, I'm pregnant. -Dude, I'm pregnant. Maybe it's just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch? -Maybe it's just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch? It's not a food baby. I took three pregnancy tests today. I am definitely up the spout. -It's not a food baby. I took three pregnancy tests today. I am definitely up the spout. How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests? -How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests? I drank like ten tons of Sunny Delight. Anyway, yeah. I'm pregnant. And you're shockingly cavalier. -I drank like ten tons of Sunny Delight. Anyway, yeah. I'm pregnant. And you're shockingly cavalier. Is this for real? Like for real, for real? -Is this for real? Like for real, for real? Unfortunately, yes. -Unfortunately, yes. Oh my God! Oh shit! Phuket Thailand! -Oh my God! Oh shit! Phuket Thailand! That's the kind of emotion I was looking for in the first take. -That's the kind of emotion I was looking for in the first take. Well, are you going to go to Havenbrooke or Women Now for the abortion? You need a note from your parents for Havenbrooke. -Well, are you going to go to Havenbrooke or Women Now for the abortion? You need a note from your parents for Havenbrooke. I know. Women Now, I guess. The commercial says they help women now. -I know. Women Now, I guess. The commercial says they help women now. Want me to call for you? I called for Becky last year. -Want me to call for you? I called for Becky last year. Eh, I'll call them myself. But I do need your help with something very urgent. -Heavy lifting can only help you at this point. That is sick, man. -So, you were bored? Is that how this blessed miracle came to be? Nah, it was a premeditated act. The sex, I mean, not getting pregnant. -Nah, it was a premeditated act. The sex, I mean, not getting pregnant. When did you decide you were going to do Bleeker? -When did you decide you were going to do Bleeker? Like, a year ago, in Spanish class. -Aha! You love him. It's extremely complicated, and I'd rather not talk about it in my fragile state. -So, what was it like humping Bleeker's bony bod? It was magnificent, man! -What are you doing here, dumbass? I thought I was supposed to pick you up at four. I couldn't do it, Leah! It smelled like a dentist in there. They had these really horrible magazines, with, like, spritz cookie recipes and bad fiction and water stains, like someone read them in the tub. And the receptionist tried to give me these weird condoms that looked like grape suckers, and she told me about her boyfriend's pie balls, and Su-Chin Kuah was there, and she told me the baby had fingernails. Fingernails! -I couldn't do it, Leah! It smelled like a dentist in there. They had these really horrible magazines, with, like, spritz cookie recipes and bad fiction and water stains, like someone read them in the tub. And the receptionist tried to give me these weird condoms that looked like grape suckers, and she told me about her boyfriend's pie balls, and Su-Chin Kuah was there, and she told me the baby had fingernails. Fingernails! Oh, gruesome. I wonder if the baby's claws could scratch your vag on the way out? -Oh, gruesome. I wonder if the baby's claws could scratch your vag on the way out? I'm staying pregnant, Le. -I'm staying pregnant, Le. Keep your voice down dude, my mom's around here somewhere. She doesn't know we're sexually active. -Keep your voice down dude, my mom's around here somewhere. She doesn't know we're sexually active. What does that even mean? Anyway, I got to thinking on the way over. I was thinking maybe I could give the baby to somebody who actually likes that kind of thing. You know, like a woman with a bum ovary or something. Or some nice lesbos. -What does that even mean? Anyway, I got to thinking on the way over. I was thinking maybe I could give the baby to somebody who actually likes that kind of thing. You know, like a woman with a bum ovary or something. Or some nice lesbos. But then you'll get huge. Your chest is going to milktate. And you have to tell everyone you're pregnant. -But then you'll get huge. Your chest is going to milktate. And you have to tell everyone you're pregnant. I know. Maybe they'll canonize me for being so selfless. -I know. Maybe they'll canonize me for being so selfless. Maybe they'll totally shit and be super mad at you and not let you graduate or go to Cabo San Lucas for spring break. -Maybe they'll totally shit and be super mad at you and not let you graduate or go to Cabo San Lucas for spring break. Bleeker and I were going to go to Gettysburg for spring break. -Well, maybe you could look at one of those adoption ads. I see them all the time in the Penny Saver. There are ads? For parents? -There are ads? For parents? "Oh yeah! ""Desperately Seeking Spawn."" They're right by the ads for like, iguanas and terriers and used fitness equipment. It's totally legit." -"Oh yeah! ""Desperately Seeking Spawn."" They're right by the ads for like, iguanas and terriers and used fitness equipment. It's totally legit." Come on, Leah. I can't scope out wannabe parents in the Penny Saver! That's tacky. That's like buying clothes at the Pump n' Munch. -The Penny Saver sucks. Yeah, but it sucks for free. -"Look at this one ""Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple have found true love with each other."" ""All that's missing is your bastard.""" There's a guy in here who's giving away a piano. Free for the hauling! We should put it in Bleeker's yard. -There's a guy in here who's giving away a piano. Free for the hauling! We should put it in Bleeker's yard. You're not listening to me. -You're not listening to me. "No, I heard you. I just can't give the baby to people who describe themselves as ""wholesome."" I'm looking for something a little edgier." -"No, I heard you. I just can't give the baby to people who describe themselves as ""wholesome."" I'm looking for something a little edgier." What did you have in mind, a family of disturbed loners who are into gunplay and incest? -What did you have in mind, a family of disturbed loners who are into gunplay and incest? I was thinking a graphic designer, mid-thirties, and his cool Asian wife who dresses awesome and plays bass. But I'm trying to not be too particular. -I was thinking a graphic designer, mid-thirties, and his cool Asian wife who dresses awesome and plays bass. But I'm trying to not be too particular. "All right, how about this one? ""Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love.""" -"All right, how about this one? ""Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love.""" Yeesh, they sound like a cult. Besides, they're greedy bitches. They already have three kids! -Yeesh, they sound like a cult. Besides, they're greedy bitches. They already have three kids! Hey, Juno. Juno! Look at this one. -Best to just tell them, man. Rip off the Band-Aid and let it bleed. I'm pregnant. -Check out Baby Big-Head. That kid is scary! Hey, I'm a sacred vessel. All you've got in your belly is Taco Bell! -Hey, I'm a sacred vessel. All you've got in your belly is Taco Bell! Touche. -Touche. It is really weird looking. It's like it's not even real. I can't believe there are saps who actually cry at these things. -Aw, please Junebug? No way. No, I definitely don't want to know. -How do you know I'm so poisonous? Like, what if the adoptive parents turn out to be evil molesters? Or stage parents! -Yum. This pretzel tastes like a friggin' donut! Share the love, Tits! -Hly shht! What? -That's her. That's Vanessa Loring. Of the Penny Saver Lorings? -No way! She's pretty. You sound shocked or something. -You sound shocked or something. I just thought she'd look really old in real life. -She's gonna steal that kid for her collection. Right, seriously. -I want a huge cookie. And like, a lamb kebob. Simultaneously. God, Spermy. Must you always feed? -God, you're getting huge. How many months has it been now? Almost eight. You wouldn't believe how weird I look naked. -Almost eight. You wouldn't believe how weird I look naked. I wish my funbags would get bigger. -I wish my funbags would get bigger. Trust me, you don't. I actually have to wear a bra now. And I have to rub this nasty cocoa butter stuff all over myself or my skin could get stretched too far and explode. -Trust me, you don't. I actually have to wear a bra now. And I have to rub this nasty cocoa butter stuff all over myself or my skin could get stretched too far and explode. Hot! -God, why is everyone always staring at me? Well, you are kind of... convex. -Wow, someone's been actually doing her geometry homework for once! I don't have a choice. Keith's been grading me really hard lately. -I don't have a choice. Keith's been grading me really hard lately. "Please do not refer to Mr. Conyers as ""Keith,"" okay? My barf reflex is already heightened these days." -"Please do not refer to Mr. Conyers as ""Keith,"" okay? My barf reflex is already heightened these days." Keith's hot. -Keith's hot. Eww, he's all beardy! -Did you hear Bleek is going to prom with Katrina De Voort? Katrina? Pfft, no way. He doesn't like Katrina. It must be a pity date. -Katrina? Pfft, no way. He doesn't like Katrina. It must be a pity date. He asked her. I heard they were going to Benihana, then the prom, then to Vijay's parents' cabin. -He asked her. I heard they were going to Benihana, then the prom, then to Vijay's parents' cabin. Bleeker told me Katrina's whole house reeks of soup! -Bleeker told me Katrina's whole house reeks of soup! Oh, it totally does. I was there for her birthday about four years ago and it was like Lipton Landing. But you know, boys have endured worse things for nookie. -Oh, it totally does. I was there for her birthday about four years ago and it was like Lipton Landing. But you know, boys have endured worse things for nookie. There's no way in hell they're having sex or even holding hands. -There's no way in hell they're having sex or even holding hands. I wouldn't be so sure about that. He did it with you. He's a man now. -I wouldn't be so sure about that. He did it with you. He's a man now. Yeah, well, Bleek trusted me. We're best friends. -Yeah, well, Bleek trusted me. We're best friends. Are you jealous? I thought you said you didn't care what he did. -Are you jealous? I thought you said you didn't care what he did. I'm not jealous, and I don't care. I just know he doesn't like Katrina and I don't think he should toy with her emotions like that. She seems so nice and all. -I'm not jealous, and I don't care. I just know he doesn't like Katrina and I don't think he should toy with her emotions like that. She seems so nice and all. Okay Juno, I'm really convinced. -Okay Juno, I'm really convinced. Prom is for wenises, anyway. Once you're old enough to go, it's not cool anymore. -Hello. Thank you for having me and my irresponsible child over to your home. Oh no. Thank you. Come on in. -You don't say. Well, haven't you ever felt like you were born to do something? -Well, haven't you ever felt like you were born to do something? Yes. Heating and air conditioning. -Yes. Heating and air conditioning. Well, I was born to be a mother. Some of us are. -So. What's that thing? A Pilates machine? -A Pilates machine? What do you make with that? -What do you make with that? You don't make anything. It's for exercising. -Obviously, we'll compensate you for your medical expenses. Are you looking for any other compensation? -You're doing an amazing and selfless thing for us. Vanessa has wanted a baby since we got married. -Vanessa has wanted a baby since we got married. I want to be a mommy so badly! -You guys are playing music? Juno just wanted a closer look at Kimber here. -What do you think? Custard or Cheesecake? They're yellow. -They're yellow. Well, I wanted to pick something gender-neutral for now. Once we get the baby, God willing, we can create a more decisive palette. -Well, I wanted to pick something gender-neutral for now. Once we get the baby, God willing, we can create a more decisive palette. Why do people think yellow is gender- neutral? I don't know one man with a yellow bedroom. -Why do people think yellow is gender- neutral? I don't know one man with a yellow bedroom. I think I'm leaning toward Custard in this light. I don't know. I should paint a small area... -I think I'm leaning toward Custard in this light. I don't know. I should paint a small area... Or you could just wait a couple months. It's not like the baby's going to storm in here any second and demand dessert-colored walls. -Or you could just wait a couple months. It's not like the baby's going to storm in here any second and demand dessert-colored walls. "What to Expect says that readying the baby's room is an important process for women. It's called ""nesting.""" -"What to Expect says that readying the baby's room is an important process for women. It's called ""nesting.""" Nesting, huh? Are you planning to build the crib out of twigs and saliva? -Nesting, huh? Are you planning to build the crib out of twigs and saliva? "You should read the book. I even flagged the ""daddy chapters"" for you." -"You should read the book. I even flagged the ""daddy chapters"" for you." I just think it's too early to paint. That's my opinion. -I just think it's too early to paint. That's my opinion. And I disagree. -That wall is going to need something. Maybe we could put our first family picture there. Hm. -Hm. Can you see it? -Juno, what's the matter? She's hormonal. Right, June? It's just part of the whole process. -What did you do? I didn't do anything... I just... I've just been thinking. -I didn't do anything... I just... I've just been thinking. What? -What? Just thinking if this is really the right thing for us. -Just thinking if this is really the right thing for us. What are you referring to? -I've been just wondering if we're, you know, ready. Of course we're ready. We've taken all the classes. The nursery. The books -- -Of course we're ready. We've taken all the classes. The nursery. The books -- I know we're prepared. I just don't know if... I'm ready. -Why don't we let Juno go home and we can discuss this later on, okay? It all just happened so fast. We put that ad in the paper. I thought it would take months if, you know, ever and then -- boom -- Two weeks later, she's in our living room. -It all just happened so fast. We put that ad in the paper. I thought it would take months if, you know, ever and then -- boom -- Two weeks later, she's in our living room. She answered our prayers. -She answered our prayers. Ever since, it's just been like a ticking clock. -What would be a good time for you? I don't know. There's just things I still want to do. -I don't know. There's just things I still want to do. Like what? Be a rock star? -Like what? Be a rock star? Don't mock me. -"I called Gerta Rauss. She says she can represent both of us. They call it ""collaborative divorce."" It's apparently all the rage right now. And it's easy because we don't have children." No, it's fine. Thanks for making the call, I guess. -We're actually, finally doing this? Looks like it, yeah. -Looks like it, yeah. Have you found a place to stay? -Have you found a place to stay? Yeah, downtown. -Yeah, downtown. A hotel? -A hotel? It's a loft. -It's a loft. Aren't you the cool guy? -No. Me neither. How 'bout you Carrie? -You lose! I suppose anything's possible. -...You can forget about 'em forever and then look at 'em and they're doin' even better than before. Adele... we gotta do something before Early kills someone else. -...There ain't nothin' can kill 'em. They can live for two even three hundred years. Adele for god sake please lis... -Adele for god sake please lis... There ain't nothing we could do. Once Early sets his mind on somethin', well thats the end of that. -Hi, I'm Adele. Carrie. -...Pardon? ...I said, I like your hair. -...I said, I like your hair. ...Thank you. -One night we figured out how much bad luck he must have comin' from all them mirrors he broke... Four hundred and ninety four years to work it all off... After he dies, he'll have to keep coming back to earth over and over and over... Karma. -What? Karma... You know, if you do something bad to somebody fate will pay you back by something bad happening to you. -Karma... You know, if you do something bad to somebody fate will pay you back by something bad happening to you. That French ain't it? -Are you takin' the pictures? ...Yeah. -...Yeah. Is it hard to learn? -Is it hard to learn? Not really. -You wouldn't have any color film, would ya? ...Yeah, sure. -You dropped this. Early Grayce if this ain't your lucky day. -Early don't think women should smoke or curse or drink liquor. So you don't do any of those things. -Better not, or Early'd whip me. He whips you? -...Hey you're good. Thought you said you never played before? I haven't... I'm a fast learner. -I told you how Early feels 'bout a woman drinking. How'd you meet Early? -You know I can fix that haircut for you, if you want? You can? -I'm cool. Could I try that? -What's this? It's a portfolio of my work. -It's a portfolio of my work. Your pictures. Can I see 'em? -Your pictures. Can I see 'em? Sure. -You took this picture? Took 'em all. -That's me. No it is not! -No it is not! Hold still. -Hold still. Sorry. Boy I'll tell ya, if Early found a picture of me like that I'd be black and blue for a week. -You shouldn't let him do that to you... Do what? -Do what? Adele... are you serious? -Adele... are you serious? You think Early's bad to me, don't you? -You think Early's bad to me, don't you? Yeah. -My momma's a beautician. Guess that's where I get it from. She wouldn't hear of my moving in with Early... on account of his just getting out of jail and all. Ain't seen her in nearly a year now. I wish she'd call me, just once. What's Early been in jail for? -What's Early been in jail for? Carryin' a gun. -Carryin' a gun. ...Anything else? -...Anything else? An' resistin' arrest... At least that's what the Police said. -An' resistin' arrest... At least that's what the Police said. Jeez... Adele! -The police are after him, he's a murderer! ...That's not true. -...That's not true. What? -What? That's not true! -...I wouldn't lie to you, Adele. . . I saw him kill that man. Early didn't kill nobody, he wouldn't do that. I don't know why you're saying those things. You ain't my friend. -Happy birthday Adele. Early, you are so sweet. -I feel kind of like the wizard of oz, you know when she gets the red shoes. Well Dorothy, why don't you hand me that chili there. -What's up Adele? Dinner ready? Almost. -Well... for one thing... They think faster out there, on account of all that warm weather they got; cold weather makes people stupid, that's a fact. I guess that'd explain why there's so many stupid people around here. -I guess that'd explain why there's so many stupid people around here. Yeah, and in California you never have to buy fruit 'cause it's all on the trees everywhere you turn... ...and, 'course there ain't no speed limit out there, and all drugs are legal... And I heard your first month's rent is free; state law. I figure 'til we get settled we can just move around month to month... -Yeah, and in California you never have to buy fruit 'cause it's all on the trees everywhere you turn... ...and, 'course there ain't no speed limit out there, and all drugs are legal... And I heard your first month's rent is free; state law. I figure 'til we get settled we can just move around month to month... What'll we do out there? -What'll we do out there? Well... the very first thing we're gonna do... is get us a couple of six packs of Lucky Lager and climb up on toppa' that famous Hollywood sign and howl at the moon... -You know... I read once... Ain't nothin' on that big old moon 'cept some old golf balls those astronauts left behind. Bull. That ain't right... Government sends people there all the time, just don't want us to know about it. -Don't be long now, dinner's 'bout ready. I heard that. -What if they're dangerous? They ain't dangerous Adele. They're writers. -Did you settle things with Mr. Diebold? Yeah I left him with the car... We're all squared up now. -Geez, they look kinda weird. You just smile, let me do all the talking. -You just smile, let me do all the talking. How many times you gonna tell me that? -How many times you gonna tell me that? As many times as it takes. -Shush, Adele. Early, can we stop there... just for a little while. -Can you believe thirty bucks for this room... for what? A lumpy mattress, that crummy TV and a crapper. Early, sing me a song. -Early, what're you doin'? Go back to the car and keep Brian there. I don't want him in here... Do it Adele... Now! -What the hell is this stuff? It's Chinese food. It was the only place open. You said you was starving, you'd eat anyth... -Yeah but, what is it? I don't know, they didn't speak too good English. -...thank you. Thank you for what? What are you thanking me for Adele? -Thank you for what? What are you thanking me for Adele? ...I don't know. -...I don't know. Well Adele... it was for... ...saving your fucking life back there! -What's wrong with her? She had a dream that somethin' like this was gonna happen. -Nobody wants to hurt you Peaches! Early! Stop!! -Oh, n'jus what in hell you crying 'bout? I'm the one got hit. I changed my mind, Early. I'm not gonna climb up that Hollywood sign with you... I decided. I think your mean, and you hurt people. -What's your name, boy? Walter Livesy. -Walter Livesy. Think. I might just have to kill you Walter. How do you feel about that? -Think. I might just have to kill you Walter. How do you feel about that? Not so good. You sure you have to? -Not so good. You sure you have to? I don't know. Wish I did. -Where you from Walter? Vernon, Florida. -Vernon, Florida. Never heard of it, any huntin'? -Never heard of it, any huntin'? Turkey mostly. -Turkey mostly. Turkey's are real smart. Smarter than most people think... -...Mind if I hold that Bible? What do you need a Bible for? -You think I'm goin' to kill you. Well that'd make me a liar then wouldn't it? No sir. -Tight fit. Best kind. -Uh, we can stop somewhere if you and Adele haven't had time for breakfast, Early. Well, it's like this, Mr. Kessler. -Well, it's like this, Mr. Kessler. Brian. -Brian. Well, it's like this, Bri'. I don't eat much in the mornin', never have. Maybe a beer once in a while; Lucky Lager's my favorite. -So what do you do Early? Oh... I do some work up at the Merrick Mirror factory, or I used to... -You gonna talk to the people who did those murders? That's a good idea. Unfortunately most of them have been executed. -That's a good idea. Unfortunately most of them have been executed. ...Too bad. -Can't hurt. How much do I owe you? -How much do I owe you? Forget it. -This the book your writing? It's just a work in progress, kinda rough. -It's just a work in progress, kinda rough. This guy killed a mess of people. -This guy killed a mess of people. Who? -Who? Henry Lucas. -Henry Lucas. Henry Lee Lucas. Well he was only convicted of killing eleven but he claimed to have killed over three hundred. -Henry Lee Lucas. Well he was only convicted of killing eleven but he claimed to have killed over three hundred. Wonder what all them people done made him so mad? -How did he get away with it for so long anyhow? He almost always killed strangers. Spent years moving on from one place to another. That made it real hard to track him down. -That bad? ...Then some. -...They never caught that Black Dolya Killer, huh? Dahlia, no. -Dahlia, no. Now why is that? -Now why is that? Some people think it's because he never killed again. He just disappeared back into society. -Some people think it's because he never killed again. He just disappeared back into society. You don't sound too convinced 'bout that? -You don't sound too convinced 'bout that? I always thought it was the work of a serial killer. Anyone who took that much time and care bisecting another human being must have been enjoying it and would have done it again. And again. Until someone stopped him. -I always thought it was the work of a serial killer. Anyone who took that much time and care bisecting another human being must have been enjoying it and would have done it again. And again. Until someone stopped him. "That your... ""theory"", ain't that what they call it?" -"That your... ""theory"", ain't that what they call it?" Yeah. -Yeah. You wanna hear mine? -Sure. Ain't you goin' to record it? -By the way, I'm not much of a pool player. Shit, it ain't hard to play pool. I can teach you everything ya need ta know. -Shit, it ain't hard to play pool. I can teach you everything ya need ta know. Yeah? -Yeah? Hell yeah! I'll even spot ya a few points first game. -Hell yeah! I'll even spot ya a few points first game. Wait a minute. You're gonna hustle me? -Wait a minute. You're gonna hustle me? Nah... how much money have you got? -...Well I probably drunk more than my share, anyway... you go on an' have it. No, it's all yours. It's on me... for saving my ass back there. -...Well then, that's how many I killed. If you say so. -If you say so. Damn right I do. -Ya see what I'm sayin'? Ha! ...Ha. -Hey... Ain't we getting near the next murder site... Bri? Forget about it, doesn't matter. -Forget about it, doesn't matter. Hell it don't... ...Hand me Brian's map there Adele. One day I'm gonna pass some store and see your book in the window. Me and Adele gonna buy a copy for our coffee table. -So tell me... what happened here? Two brothers, prospectors, lived here. Up until a few years back. -...and? They picked up hitchhikers... young men... and brought them back here. -You two been busy in here. What happened to Adele? -What happened to Adele? Well, let's put it this way. I need me a new woman. -Executing the killer wouldn't bring my mother back. Thank god! -Okay, now you want to talk about good versus evil? Well then let's start with Adam and Eve and the snake. Who do I have to blow to get out of here? -Who do I have to blow to get out of here? A... I gotta go. -Tonight turned out to be pretty interesting. The party? -The warehouse. I'm not that drunk. It was definitely the high point of the evening. -Just being there where it really happened. It was different... more visceral. Mmm... I love it when you talk like that. -I thought you wanted to be a writer. ...I do. -...I do. Then you can write anywhere. Let's get out of here, while we still can. -Then you can write anywhere. Let's get out of here, while we still can. Carrie, come on... we can leave anytime we... -Carrie, come on... we can leave anytime we... No we can't. We can never leave once you start talking about tenure... and vacation pay... and parking privileges and... oh shit! let's just go to California now, right now, before it's too late. -No we can't. We can never leave once you start talking about tenure... and vacation pay... and parking privileges and... oh shit! let's just go to California now, right now, before it's too late. ...just like that? -...just like that? Just like that. Load up the Lincoln... point it West... stop when we hit the fucking ocean. -Hey. I didn't have the heart to wake you. Thanks. What are you doing? -Thanks. What are you doing? Well, I sat down with my tapes and your photographs, which are great by the way... and I started writing. -So how's it going? ...I think it's the best stuff I've done. -...and I think I know why. Why? -Why? Because I was there. And for a moment that night I understood how she came to pull the trigger. -Because I was there. And for a moment that night I understood how she came to pull the trigger. This mean your finally going to finish your thesis? -This mean your finally going to finish your thesis? Look, fuck the thesis. I think there's a book here. Your photographs and my research, together. -Look, fuck the thesis. I think there's a book here. Your photographs and my research, together. A book on the warehouse murders? -A book on the warehouse murders? A book on some of the most infamous murderers in America. I want to go to where they lived and where they killed and I want you to photograph it. -"What I'm thinking is, we can drop down through Tennessee, across Arkansas and into Texas, from there it's a straight shot into California. ""We don't stop... until we hit the fucking ocean.""" It's about fucking time, Kessler! I'd just about given up on you. -It's about fucking time, Kessler! I'd just about given up on you. We don't have enough money, but we'll figure something out. -What did he sound like on the phone? Real polite. Kept calling me 'sir.' -I like that. I still think we should have met them first. -I still think we should have met them first. Beggars can't be choosers. They were the only ones who answered the ride share note, remember? -"Oh, yeah... He had a real thick accent right outta ""Deliverance."" ""Still? Who said anything about a still? Get ya ass up in them woods!""" Funny, very funny. -Jesus... They've probably got five bucks between them. Turn around. Lighten up... -We could have been in and out of there in less than ten minutes... Hey, I got some great stuff... it's okay. -You mean because I object to having somebody take off their shoe and scratch their foot while I'm eating I'm prejudiced? He can't help the way he was raised. I kinda feel sorry for him. -Feel sorry for him? Obviously you didn't get a whiff of that sock? Bitch, bitch, bitch! -Bitch, bitch, bitch! Up yours. -Up yours. I heard that. -...And all I'm saying is I think we ought to try and get along with them. That's all. You try, I'm gonna pretend they're with somebody else. -You try, I'm gonna pretend they're with somebody else. Carrie. -Carrie. I don't want to talk about it. -All set? Fuck! -Fuck! Take your time. -Who said he's my good buddy? You sure been acting like you were... ...Out whoopin' it up, a drankin' and ever' thang. -Yeah, and you should've seen how terrified she was that he'd find out. He beats her. How do you know that? -How do you know that? "She told me... ...but only when she ""deserves"" it. Did you know he was in jail?" -Stop being so fucking melodramatic! If it was murder he'd still be locked up or on parole, in which case he wouldn't be allowed to leave the state. Maybe he wasn't allowed to leave! Geezus Brian! -What is it? Look again! -What's that? A copy of a tape they found. He recorded everything. -There's more... I'm finished. -I'm scared. A week ago you would never have even thought to pick up that gun. This afternoon you're out there wielding it around like Clyde fucking Barrow, for Christ's sake! What's with you? Okay, it was a cheap thrill, it was stupid, I admit it, alright? But let's not blow this. Not now... Let's just get the photos. -Okay, it was a cheap thrill, it was stupid, I admit it, alright? But let's not blow this. Not now... Let's just get the photos. I can't believe I agreed to do this. -I can't believe I agreed to do this. Oh come on, don't give me that shit... you wanted to take these photos as much as I wanted you too. -Oh come on, don't give me that shit... you wanted to take these photos as much as I wanted you too. Wrong! I was willing to do whatever it took to get you up off your ass and on the way to California... There's a big difference. -Brian I want him out of our car! Why, what did he do? -Why, what did he do? Brian get him out of the car. Next gas station either he leaves or I do! -Carrie... stop it. What the fuck is wrong with you Brian!? If you'll stop taking notes for once and open your eyes... you'll see that he is a homicidal fucking killer. He is... for real! -What the fuck is wrong with you Brian!? If you'll stop taking notes for once and open your eyes... you'll see that he is a homicidal fucking killer. He is... for real! Shut up Carrie, please... just shut up! -You gotta talk to her. She looks up to you, she'll listen to you. I tried talking to her at the mine. It didn't work. -I tried talking to her at the mine. It didn't work. Then try again, -Carrie, watch for Early. What are you going to do? -What are you going to do? I'm going to try and lift the end of the piano. If I can... slide your cuffs free. -What about you? I don't know. -Any word from that gallery? Not yet. -Not yet. Nervous? -Nervous? ...Apprehensive. Let's not forget these are the people who banned the Mapplethorpe show. Anyway, California's loaded with galleries. -...Apprehensive. Let's not forget these are the people who banned the Mapplethorpe show. Anyway, California's loaded with galleries. You mean 'Ted Bundy's' finally agreed to leave? -...Soon as he finishes his thesis. "Listen, Eric's been ""finishing"" his for over three years now." -I'm sorry, but I just can't see you veggin' out in LA-LA LAND. Oh, I don't know... I think that once I dye my hair blonde, buy a string bikini and cultivate that tan... I could be veggin' out with the best of 'em... Like fer shurr! -Bri'. Where's Adele? -Where's Adele? She wasn't feeling so good. -...Need a hand with those bags? No, thanks, I can manage. -Ain't you done enough drinking for tonight? ...Brian hurt his foot. -Sometimes... Don't know why it is... I get so hot I can't stand it. I just start sweating like a dog. You ever get like that? No. -...never? No, never. Excuse me. -Tell ya Bri., I'm still a little sleepy,... think Adele and me are gonna take us a fiesta. Siesta. -Early, just think... Shut your mouth. -He's a killer, Brian... He's fucking insane. Everybody just shut up! -Darlin' you were 'bout that far from spendin' the night at the morgue. You understand? He wasn't going to shoot her, you murdering son of a bitch! -Who d'ya think you're foolin'? I know you better than you think... ...You're hurting me... -You were plenty hot. You sick twisted fuck! You don't know shit about me. -...You know what I mean? ...I know I'd love to smash this bottle right in your fucking face. -You're supposed to call me when you lose your job Early. I stopped by the mirror factory today, you left quite a mess behind there. Wasn't my fault... -...The police were way out of line when they stopped you from beating that bartender half to death. And no doubt God'll be pickin' on you on Judgement Day... I ain't got nothing against God. It's the people he let come into the world... lot of them should have been stopped at the door. What are you looking for? -You be at this personnel office, Friday, three o'clock sharp. What is it? -What is it? ...Janitor's job. -...Janitor's job. Oh man... come on, I don't want no janitor job. -What happened? Who are you? -Who are you? His Parole Officer. -His Parole Officer. Right, I talked to you on the phone. They say it's a torch job, that sound like your boy? -Right, I talked to you on the phone. They say it's a torch job, that sound like your boy? Could be. -Could be. Where would we find him? -Where would we find him? Hell if I know, crazy son of a bitch said he was thinking of moving to Texas. -Hell if I know, crazy son of a bitch said he was thinking of moving to Texas. Without his car? -What about the owner of the house... ...this John Diebold, any idea where he might be? No, but I can tell you he's not gonna be too happy about this. -...Diebold? ...That'd be my guess. -...That'd be my guess. Looks like somebody cut off his ring finger. -Looks like somebody cut off his ring finger. Well now I'd say that's the least of Mr. Diebold's problems. -How old you? 17. -How many people have you had vaginal intercourse with? Umm. Altogether? -Umm. Altogether? Yes. Altogether. -Yes. Altogether. Hmm. I'd say eight, maybe nine. -Hmm. I'd say eight, maybe nine. How many times have you gone unprotected? -How many times have you gone unprotected? With four of them, I didn't use any kind of protection. Wait, maybe it was three. -Have you ever had anal intercourse? Yes. -Yes. With how many people? -With how many people? Umm. Three I believe. But I'm not sure. -Umm. Three I believe. But I'm not sure. Were they wearing condoms? -Were they wearing condoms? Uh. Yes. Twice they weren't. Two times they didn't. -Well, girl. You tested negative for all sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Yes! -Yes! You're clean. -You're clean. Oh my God. I can't tell you how nervous I've been. I couldn't sleep last night. -Oh my God. I can't tell you how nervous I've been. I couldn't sleep last night. Now you gotta be careful. -Shit. Was up bitch? -What do you think? You fucked it? -I knew you fucked it! I sat out here for like two hours! That girl was like twelve, and you hit it up! Who am I? Who am I? The mothafuckin' virgin surgeon. -Well, how was it? Oh my god, so good. That girl can fuck. -Oh my god, so good. That girl can fuck. She can fuck? -She can fuck? Hell yeah. That bitch was bleeding. When I first put it in she screamed real loud. I saw her bite down on the pillow. -Hell yeah. That bitch was bleeding. When I first put it in she screamed real loud. I saw her bite down on the pillow. Oh shit. How long did it take? -Oh shit. How long did it take? Did what take? -Did what take? How long did you fuck her? -Well it took me longer than I thought it would take. It took like 15 minutes to talk her into it. But once it was on, we fucked for a good half an hour. I had to keep taking it out and putting it back in. It hurts the first time. Yeah. -Yeah. But then when she got into it. She really got into it. It was good. -But then when she got into it. She really got into it. It was good. How did she smell? Did her puss stink? -Oh man, it smells like butterscotch. Hell's yeah. She was so clean. -Hell's yeah. She was so clean. Oh man, that's the best. -Oh man, that's the best. You could tell she took care of herself. She had all these powders and creams in her bathroom. -You could tell she took care of herself. She had all these powders and creams in her bathroom. Let me smell it again. -You know what else? What? -What? I can tell that she had just entered puberty. -I can tell that she had just entered puberty. How? -How? Well, I was flipping through a picture book of her and her family, right. -Well, I was flipping through a picture book of her and her family, right. Right. -Right. And there was this picture of her painting Easter eggs or something. And I said, you were cute when you were little. -And there was this picture of her painting Easter eggs or something. And I said, you were cute when you were little. Yeah. -Yeah. And she goes, yeah that picture was taken less than a year ago. I look younger without my makeup. -And I looked at her, and thought to myself Oh my god, this girl is a baby. Yeah. -Yeah. And for a second I felt a little bit guilty. You know, because she's young and all. And then I was like, oh shit, that turns me on. I wanna fuck this little baby girl. -I'm telling you Casper. I think I'm getting addicted to that shit. To what? Virgins? -To what? Virgins? Yeah. It's like all I think about now. Not just that, it's like lately during sex, I start dreaming about these complex fantasies. -Yeah. It's like all I think about now. Not just that, it's like lately during sex, I start dreaming about these complex fantasies. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I mean I'm dreaming about going all out, crazy shit. -I mean I'm dreaming about going all out, crazy shit. You mean like fucking two virgins at once. -You mean like fucking two virgins at once. That would be good. But I mean more like. I don't know. Like when I was having sex with her, I kept thinking how much I would like to put it in her ass. Just to see what would happen. -That would be good. But I mean more like. I don't know. Like when I was having sex with her, I kept thinking how much I would like to put it in her ass. Just to see what would happen. She's probably smash you in the fucking face. -She's probably smash you in the fucking face. I don't know about that. She was pretty into it. But I wasn't gonna try. The whole thing is, you just gotta take it slow. Show 'em some respect. -I don't know about that. She was pretty into it. But I wasn't gonna try. The whole thing is, you just gotta take it slow. Show 'em some respect. Did you tell her that you loved her? -Did you tell her that you loved her? Like. Like. Never love. Love is for low-level virgin seduction guys. -Shit. What do you want? -What do you want? Get another forty. Smoke a blunt. -Get another forty. Smoke a blunt. Are you hungry? -Are you hungry? Hell yeah. Fuckin' starvin'. Wait up a sec. -You wanna go to Paul's house? What for? That guys a dick. -What for? That guys a dick. I'm sure he's got food. He's always got those microwave burrito things in his freezer. -I'm sure he's got food. He's always got those microwave burrito things in his freezer. You think he's got any herb? -You think he's got any herb? I don't know, he quit dealin' but I'll bet he'll smoke us out. -I don't know, he quit dealin' but I'll bet he'll smoke us out. You think? -You think? Probably. -Probably. He lives on 76th? -He lives on 76th? 78th. -78th. Den less go Joe. -Telly. Yeah. -Yeah. Did she suck your dick? -Did she suck your dick? A little bit. But I didn't really want her to. -A little bit. But I didn't really want her to. Why? -Why? I don't know. That's too easy. I mean getting a virgin to suck your dick. That's so easy. -I don't know. That's too easy. I mean getting a virgin to suck your dick. That's so easy. It is right. -It is right. I want to knock her guard down. I mean there's a whole philosophy behind it. Having a virgin suck your dick, that's basic because there's nothing lost. -I want to knock her guard down. I mean there's a whole philosophy behind it. Having a virgin suck your dick, that's basic because there's nothing lost. It's no big deal, right? -It's no big deal, right? Right. But when you deflower a girl, that's it. You did it. You were the one. No one else can ever do it. -Right. But when you deflower a girl, that's it. You did it. You were the one. No one else can ever do it. Yeah. The way I see it. My outlook on the this situation is. It's like getting fame, you know what I'm saying. It's like, if you died tomorrow, and fifty years from now all the virgins you fucked are gonna remember you because you were their first. -Yeah. The way I see it. My outlook on the this situation is. It's like getting fame, you know what I'm saying. It's like, if you died tomorrow, and fifty years from now all the virgins you fucked are gonna remember you because you were their first. Yep. -Yep. They're gonna tell their grand kids. That Telly. He sure was good in the sack! -You thirsty? Yeah, I feel dehydrated. -Yeah, I feel dehydrated. You got any money? -You got any money? Three pennies and a ball of lint. -Three pennies and a ball of lint. You down with the boost? -You down with the boost? Unzip my pack, yo. -"You know like in ""The Wonder Twins"" they share everything." The cartoon? -The cartoon? "Yeah. ""The Wonder Twins"". You know. Activate in the form of, a glass of water." -"Yeah. ""The Wonder Twins"". You know. Activate in the form of, a glass of water." Yeah. -Yeah. Well, those guys share everything, right? -Well, those guys share everything, right? Right. -Right. And once I saw this episode where they pretended they were each other. Where they lived the other's life for a day. You know those guys share everything, right? -And once I saw this episode where they pretended they were each other. Where they lived the other's life for a day. You know those guys share everything, right? Right. -Right. And it got me thinkin'. How fun it would be to share each other's girl. -And it got me thinkin'. How fun it would be to share each other's girl. Yeah, that would be fun but I don't like any of the girls you go out with. Like that one girl with two teeth and a clit ring. -Yeah, that would be fun but I don't like any of the girls you go out with. Like that one girl with two teeth and a clit ring. "No, I'm serious man. I'm dead ass. Do you wanna try? We could be like the fuckin X-rated ""Wonder Twins""!" -Can you do it man? Can I do it? I just broke her cherry. I imagine I can make her do anything. Bark like a dog, jump through a ring of fire. -That girl you boned last year. Remember? Man I haven't seen her in forever. What the fuck's she up to? -But that's the thing. Girl's like it slow. They like romance. They like things to be sweet and romantic. Yep. -Yep. I mean I've been with a lot of girls I know. -I mean I've been with a lot of girls I know. Yeah me too nigga. -I hate this game. No. Casper's right. Girls love it. They just act like they don't in front of their friends. -Man, this guy is really good. He looks like my uncle. -I wanna fuck Darcy. Who? -Who? Darcy. Benny's little sister. -Darcy. Benny's little sister. Oh. You like her? -Oh. You like her? Yeah. I like her. I've wanted to get with her for a while now. -Yeah. I like her. I've wanted to get with her for a while now. Darcy? -Darcy? Yeah. She's so little, so pretty, and innocent. -Yeah. She's so little, so pretty, and innocent. Yeah. She's only 13. -Yeah. She's only 13. It's funny. Last weekend at that block party. Remember? -It's funny. Last weekend at that block party. Remember? Yeah. -Yeah. She was handing out those watermelon slices. And I sat down over on the other side, And I watched her. -She was handing out those watermelon slices. And I sat down over on the other side, And I watched her. Yeah. -Yeah. I watched her eat the watermelon. And all this juice started running down her chin and onto her shirt. -I watched her eat the watermelon. And all this juice started running down her chin and onto her shirt. Yeah. -Yeah. And after about two seconds, I got the biggest hard-on. -I'm not joking. I wanted to take my dick out and start jacking right there. At that point and moment, Darcy was like a vision of perfection. I know what you mean. -I know what you mean. At that moment, at that block party, she represented everything holy about a virgin. -At that moment, at that block party, she represented everything holy about a virgin. She hangs out at Nasa. She promotes for them. -She hangs out at Nasa. She promotes for them. I'm gonna fuck her tonight. I swear to God I'm gonna fuck her. -I'm gonna fuck her tonight. I swear to God I'm gonna fuck her. How are you gonna fuck two virgins in a day? That shits gotta be against the law. -How are you gonna fuck two virgins in a day? That shits gotta be against the law. I don't care motha fucka. I'll bet you money she fucks me. -I don't care motha fucka. I'll bet you money she fucks me. Bet. -You wanna run by the park and see what everybody's doing? Get zooted? I guess so. I gotta stop off home too. -I don't understand why you do that. Why I do what? -Why I do what? That. -That. Why I give pennies? -Why I give pennies? Yeah. Why you give money. -Yeah. Why you give money. Did you look at that guy? What the fuck. He had no legs. He had no half his lower body. He's gotta shit out of his ribcage. -Did you look at that guy? What the fuck. He had no legs. He had no half his lower body. He's gotta shit out of his ribcage. That's just it. It's elitist. It's reverse elitism. Because you give money to whoever is the most fucked up. I notice what you do. -That's just it. It's elitist. It's reverse elitism. Because you give money to whoever is the most fucked up. I notice what you do. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Whenever you see someone who's really messed up, especially amputees and retards. You give them money. But if it's just a regular bum, you pass them by. -Whenever you see someone who's really messed up, especially amputees and retards. You give them money. But if it's just a regular bum, you pass them by. So. -So. So. These people live on the same streets. It's just that you reserve your money for those people who are massively fucked up. The regular bums aren't poor enough for you, you gotta give it to the bottom of the barrel scum fucks. -So. These people live on the same streets. It's just that you reserve your money for those people who are massively fucked up. The regular bums aren't poor enough for you, you gotta give it to the bottom of the barrel scum fucks. So. You never know when you can end up like that. -So. You never know when you can end up like that. Right. -Right. I'll tell you why. Because when I was little, I had a fat cousin, cousin Luke. And he used to make fun of the handicapped. And one day he had a bad stomachache. So he drank a bottle of Pepto and his ass blew off. -I'll tell you why. Because when I was little, I had a fat cousin, cousin Luke. And he used to make fun of the handicapped. And one day he had a bad stomachache. So he drank a bottle of Pepto and his ass blew off. Shut up. -Shut up. I'm telling you the truth. And after that, I've always givin' my money to retards. Because that's the reverse of what he did. -So really, it's good luck. Good luck? -Good luck? Yeah, good luck. I mean what the fuck. The guy had no legs. -Man, Telly, your little brother is getting big. Yeah. -Holy shit man, your mom's got good titties. Shut the fuck up. -How much you gonna take? I don't know. How much do you want? -About ten. Fifteen is good. Fifteen for me. -You think Darcy is gonna be at Nasa tonight? Yeah probably. -Yo, you got any weed around here? Naw. But we should run by the park and get a dime. Maybe Darcy will be at the park. -Yo. I'm gonna get buff dude. You are? -You are? Yeah. The other day, some sort of Chinese bitch told me I'd look good with muscles. -Nah. Why not? You stink. -Why not? You stink. That shit gives me a rash all under my arms and around my stomach. I like my odor. It's fuckin' natural. -Hurry up man. Let's be out. I wanna go swimmin'. Hold up man. -Casper. Hey Jennie. Long time no see. What are you doing here? -Hey Jennie. Long time no see. What are you doing here? Casper, where's Telly. -Casper, where's Telly. What do ya want with Telly? That guy has enough bitches. -What do ya want with Telly? That guy has enough bitches. Casper, where is he? -Casper, where is he? Don't look for him. He's doing fine. He's gotta girl. He's fuckin' her right now in Steven's parents' room. So do ya know Joe. -Casper! Was up kid? Nothen' B. -Nothen' B. Where you at? -Where you at? Right here. -Right here. Where you goin' tonight? -Where you goin' tonight? Maybe Nasa. I don't know. -Maybe Nasa. I don't know. You goin'? -You goin'? Yeah. -Yeah. I'm goin'. You on the list? -I'm goin'. You on the list? Probably. Fuck that, I'll sneak in. I need some female vagina tonight. -Probably. Fuck that, I'll sneak in. I need some female vagina tonight. I had a female vagina last night. -Yo, you think we killed that guy? Na. -Na. You sure? -You sure? I don't know. But all I know is that I kicked him so many times my fuckin' toe feels broken. -I don't know. But all I know is that I kicked him so many times my fuckin' toe feels broken. Yo, we might have killed him. You think? -Man we fucked him up. Hell ya. We broke that mothafucka. -No I'm serious. Can I suck your tit? Either of you guys. I don't care. Yeah me too. -I don't know. I just never seen girls that did that shit before. But I think it looks nice. Yeah. Do it again. -Yeah watch the fuck where you skate. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, watch where you walk dukes. -Yeah, watch where you walk dukes. What? -What? Nuffin' G. Just forget it. -Nuffin' G. Just forget it. What the fuck yo? You wanna catch a beat down? -Sup then? Sup? Come on bitch. Throw your fists up. -Sup. Sup. Come on nigga. Sup, sup then? Stop faking moves. -Come on nigga. Sup, sup then? Stop faking moves. I'm gonna fuck you up bitch. -Hey. Hey. What are you doin' right now? -Hey. What are you doin' right now? I was just getting ready to take a bath. -I was just getting ready to take a bath. Don't take a bath. Come swimmin' with us! -Come on. Come swimmin' with us. Right now? -Right now? Yeah. Come on. -Yeah. Come on. Hold on. -Ooh. You're gonna give me goose bumps. Is it cold? -You know I've been thinking about you lately. You have? -You have? Yeah. After I saw you last week. -Yeah. After I saw you last week. At the block party? -At the block party? Yeah. -I was lookin' for you all day today. You were? -You were? Sure. I even thought about you when I woke up. -I thought you had a girlfriend. Naw. I'm not seeing anybody. What about you? -Naw. I'm not seeing anybody. What about you? No. I can't. My mom won't let me have boyfriends. -No. I can't. My mom won't let me have boyfriends. She won't? Why not? -She won't? Why not? I don't know. I guess it's cause my sister Nicki had a baby when she was like 15. She was really young so my mom is like very protective over me. -I don't know. I guess it's cause my sister Nicki had a baby when she was like 15. She was really young so my mom is like very protective over me. Yeah. I can understand that. -You should come back with me to Steven's house. Tonight? -Tonight? Yeah. His parents are away. It's gonna be a bug out. -Yeah. His parents are away. It's gonna be a bug out. I don't know. I'm supposed to go to Nasa tonight. -I don't know. I'm supposed to go to Nasa tonight. Come on. You can rave on another night. -Come on. It'll be fun. We'll just bug out. There should be a bunch of people. It'll be fun I promise. Yeah? -Yeah? Yeah. It'll be nice. It'll be a change of pace. That club shit gets boring. -Do you like kissing me? Yes. -Uh huh. I think you're like the best girl I've ever kissed. -I don't even want to talk, but I gotta tell you that when I first saw you last week, I, I couldn't stop thinking about you. You've been stuck in my head. Come on. -Come on. No. No, I'm serious. I'm not joking. I just like you. That's all. -No. No, I'm serious. I'm not joking. I just like you. That's all. I like you too. -I'm nervous. Trust me. Don't be nervous. -I like you so much. I think you're beautiful. I think if we fucked you would love it. You wouldn't believe it. How do you know? -How do you know? I just know. I know you'll love it. -I just know. I know you'll love it. But I'm scared Telly. -But I'm scared Telly. I'm telling you. There's nothing in the world to worry about. -I'm telling you. There's nothing in the world to worry about. Nothing? -Nothing. I'm telling you I just want to make you happy. That's all. Just trust me. I don't want you to hurt me. -I don't want you to hurt me. I don't want you to hurt you. I'll be gentle. -I don't want you to hurt you. I'll be gentle. Do you care about me? -Do you care about me? Of course I do. -Jennie, Jennie. How do you feel? Fine Fidget. What's all this? -Fine Fidget. What's all this? Oh man. You gotta see this. It's a spectacle. A real spectacle. -Who are they? I don't know. I've never seen any of them before. Cornballs from Jersey on X. Feelin' the effex. -What is it? Bang up stuff. -This makes Special K look weak. It's a euphoric blockbuster. No, Fidget, I... -No, Fidget, I... Come on Jennie. You look sad. Just take it. -Come on Jennie. You look sad. Just take it. No... -No... Here. Swallow. -You know what I want to do? Yeah. -Yeah. What do I want to do? -What do I want to do? You want to fuck me. But you can't fuck me. -You want to fuck me. But you can't fuck me. Why? -Why? Because, you know why. You know. -Because, you know why. You know. Because your a virgin? -Because your a virgin? Because I'm a virgin and I don't want no baby. -Because I'm a virgin and I don't want no baby. You think I want a baby? When you're with me, you don't have to worry about that kinda stuff. -You think I want a baby? When you're with me, you don't have to worry about that kinda stuff. Why is that? -Why is that? Because I like you. I think you're beautiful. I think if we fucked you would love it. You wouldn't even believe it. -Because I like you. I think you're beautiful. I think if we fucked you would love it. You wouldn't even believe it. I wouldn't believe it? -I wouldn't believe it? I don't know. I just think that you would love it. -I don't know. I just think that you would love it. But, I don't know. I'm just scared that things would change. Between us. -But, I don't know. I'm just scared that things would change. Between us. What things? I'm telling you, nothing's going to change. I want to make you happy. That's all. -You know it won't hurt. I'll be gentle. I promise. Do you care about me? -Do you care about me? Of course I do. -Dance! What? -What? Come dance. -Come dance. I don't feel so well. Have you seen Telly anywhere? -I don't feel so well. Have you seen Telly anywhere? Telly is at Steven's. There's a bunch of people over there. Come on dance. -Telly is at Steven's? I guess so. -How old are you? 15. -How many people have you had vaginal intercourse with? One. -One. Were you protected? -Have you ever had anal intercourse? No. -Jennie. You've tested positive for the HIV infection. What? -What? The test isn't one hundred percent accurate. You should... -The test isn't one hundred percent accurate. You should... I tested positive? -I tested positive? I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. But I only had sex with Telly. -Can I ask you a question? I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a pest. What? -What? Well, I don't mean to be a pest. It was just that I was looking at you. And you look upset. I liked looking at you, but your face looks upset. And I was wondering if I could be of any assistance? Maybe I could cheer you up or somethin. Help make you happy. Who knows? Somethin' maybe. -No. I'm OK. Thanks. You're OK? -You're OK? Yeah. -Yeah. Because gee, you don't look OK. I mean you're a very beautiful young lady. It's just that you look troubled that's all... -Because gee, you don't look OK. I mean you're a very beautiful young lady. It's just that you look troubled that's all... Yeah well, it's been a bad day. -Yeah well, it's been a bad day. A bad day! You wanna hear a bad day? Yesterday my son was smashed over by a car and when my wife found out she collapsed on the floor. She had a minor heart attack. Partial paralysis. But I don't let myself get sad. No way. Not me. It's not good for the soul. -Sorry. Oh it's OK. That's life. Maybe tomorrow I'll win lotto. Who knows? You don't. No one does. -Miss, would I be prying? Everything is wrong. -Everything is wrong. No, not everything? The sun is still shinning. It's a beautiful day out. Some things are OK. Right? -No, not everything? The sun is still shinning. It's a beautiful day out. Some things are OK. Right? Yeah, I guess so. -Yeah, I guess so. Did you and your boyfriend just break up? -Did you and your boyfriend just break up? No. -No. Are you in trouble with the law? -Are you in trouble with the law? No. -No. Am I getting warm? -Now that's it. A smile. You look like a prom queen when you smile. Like a glamour girl. Yeah? -Yeah? Oh yeah, sure. When I was a kid I had a crush on the prom queen. Darlene Louis. She had a big black mole in the center of her face that used to get me so excited. Darlene Louis. You know you look a little bit like her. -Oh yeah, sure. When I was a kid I had a crush on the prom queen. Darlene Louis. She had a big black mole in the center of her face that used to get me so excited. Darlene Louis. You know you look a little bit like her. Thanks. -Thanks. Yeah. Right around the cheeks and chin. Boy did I have a crush on her. She was the first girl I ever put my tongue in her mouth. -I swear to God. Sometimes he barks. I can hear him straight off my arm. Ruff, ruff, he goes. Yeah? -Yeah? Yeah. I'm not saying you should get a tattoo. But you should make yourself happy. -Yeah. I'm not saying you should get a tattoo. But you should make yourself happy. What if you can't make yourself happy? What if everything falls apart? -What if you can't make yourself happy? What if everything falls apart? "Well then, I don't know. You know what you do then? You forget. Block it out. I remember when I was a little boy. My grandmother told me to be happy. She said. She said, ""Leon, my darling little grandson. If you want to be happy don't think. Don't bump into any walls. If you stutter. Don't talk"" And I took her advice. And look at me now. Couldn't be happier." -Your a real philosopher. Yeah. I was gonna write a book but I can't spell. -Hello. Hello Paul. Is Telly inside? -Hello Paul. Is Telly inside? Is Telly there? This is Paul. Who is this? -Is Telly there? This is Paul. Who is this? It's Jennie. Just tell me if Telly is there. -It's Jennie. Just tell me if Telly is there. Oh hi Jennie. Do you want to come make out with me? -Oh hi Jennie. Do you want to come make out with me? I'm fucking serious. Where's Telly? -I'm fucking serious. Where's Telly? Telly's not here right now. I believe he went downtown. Casper too. -Telly says was up. I knew he wouldn't want to speak to me. That dick. -I knew he wouldn't want to speak to me. That dick. You still mad at him? -You still mad at him? Of course. How am I gonna forgive him after what he did?! -The pain. The fucking pain! And you feel like you're being ripped open inside. -And you feel like you're being ripped open inside. You are being ripped open. -You are being ripped open. I know. -I know. Did you bleed? -Did you bleed? I didn't bleed. -I didn't bleed. You didn't? -You didn't? No, I didn't bleed. -Hell yeah. I love. I love sex. Foreplay. Foreplay. -Right. You're like it's just this instinct. It's like this animal instinct is taking over you. It's like... Passion... -Passion... Boom!!! Boom!!! -Yep, yep. But he has to know what he's doing and where he's going. Because they can like touch you for hours and they won't ever know. Hell yeah, they don't know. -Like where are your erogenous zones? Mine? -Mine? Mine are like my neck and my chest. -I hate sucking dick! Yeah. 'Cause they fucking shoot you in the eye, the face, the ear. -Yeah. 'Cause they fucking shoot you in the eye, the face, the ear. And sometimes it takes a long time, and you're fucking gagging. -And sometimes it takes a long time, and you're fucking gagging. Yeah. And then it hits that little thing. That little punch bag. What is it? The tonsils. The esophagus, whatever. -Yeah. And then it hits that little thing. That little punch bag. What is it? The tonsils. The esophagus, whatever. Yeah. And you're not getting anything out of it. -Yeah. And you're not getting anything out of it. And it's like. How much more can I bob here? You know. -Wish me luck. Good luck. -Shh. Come on, it's gonna be OK. That's it. I'm gonna have to tell my little brother, I'm gonna die. I can't make him his lunches anymore. -That's it. I'm gonna have to tell my little brother, I'm gonna die. I can't make him his lunches anymore. Come on. Don't cry. We'll work it out. -Come on. Don't cry. We'll work it out. I only did it once and... -I gotta go. I gotta find Telly. Don't go anywhere. Stay with me. -Don't go anywhere. Stay with me. I gotta find him. -I'm coming. No. I just gotta go find him. -Just a lot of crazy shit. Yeah? -Yeah? Yeah. Have you seen Telly around? -Yeah. Have you seen Telly around? Yeah. Speaking of stupid shit. Him and his ape ass of a friend Casper, they all just almost killed some kid. -Yeah. Speaking of stupid shit. Him and his ape ass of a friend Casper, they all just almost killed some kid. What happened? -What happened? I don't know. Just some messy little scrap. You know that bullshit. -I don't know. Just some messy little scrap. You know that bullshit. Do you know where he went? -Do you know where he went? I'm not sure. He said something about meeting Darcy. I think he likes her now. -I'm not sure. He said something about meeting Darcy. I think he likes her now. Who, Benny's little sister? -Who, Benny's little sister? Yeah. She should be at Nasa tonight. Why you lookin for him? You like him now or sometin'? -Uh, let's see here, would you happen to have diss digg? Whah? -Whah? Diss digg. I'm curious if you have it? -Diss digg. I'm curious if you have it? Whah is dissdee? -Diss digg, diss digg, diss digg. I no understand you. Maybe crazy. -I'll ask you one last time. Do you have diss digg? Whah you say? Dissdee? -Yeah. And sex is just like, yeah let's have sex. It's like yeah whatever. But when you fuck. You wanna fuck that person. You're like ripping each other's hair out. Ooooh. -You know... You know a lot of times sex gets in the way. Has that ever happened to you? Yep. -Yep. You know. Because sometimes the foreplay is just so good. And then when it actually comes time for sex. It's like the worst letdown. -I was like yes! I'm going out with him! That's right. That's why foreplay is better than sex. -That's right. That's why foreplay is better than sex. Yep. -Yep. Because he can like climax you up to that... -And you don't get shit out of it. Have you ever swallowed it before? -Yep. That's the best way. It's that boom boom boom. Right. You know it's not like... You know there's a difference between sex, making love, and fucking! -Right. You know it's not like... You know there's a difference between sex, making love, and fucking! Yep. -Yep. Making love is like. -Making love is like. Sweet. -Yeah. It's like... -It's like... You know what it's like. It's like when you really love someone, it's like awww. -You know what it's like. It's like when you really love someone, it's like awww. Yeah. -Yeah. Its like. But it gets boring. It's boring. -Its like. But it gets boring. It's boring. It's really slow. It's slow boring. -Yeah. Mine are my toes. Oh my God if someone sucks my toes I'll come in like ten seconds! Yeah. It depends. Cause like this one time with Eric, when we got blasted at his house. And Smash J and DJ Flipper was there... -Yeah. It depends. Cause like this one time with Eric, when we got blasted at his house. And Smash J and DJ Flipper was there... Oh shit. -Oh shit. And we were blasted, and he must have been dumb horney. And he just pulled me over to the bed. And they were in the room, like getting dressed, like getting ready to go to go to Disco -Yep. But then the sex gets into the way and you're like: What happened! What the hell happened?! -But then the sex gets into the way and you're like: What happened! What the hell happened?! Yeah it's the biggest disappointment! -Yeah. The shit gets wacked. Fifteen minutes. Yeah. Fifteen minutes to a half an hour. Hard and deep. -Yeah. Fifteen minutes to a half an hour. Hard and deep. Me. I can only take it up to fifteen minutes. Cause I get bored. -Me. I can only take it up to fifteen minutes. Cause I get bored. Yeah I get bored. -Yeah I get bored. I start thinking about what I'm gonna eat afterwards. -I've known the past of all the people I've fucked without a condom. Like I know one of the people got tested and was negative. Yeah. -Yeah. And I know that one of them fucked like two other girls, who were both virgins, so I knew he was safe. -And I know that one of them fucked like two other girls, who were both virgins, so I knew he was safe. Yeah. -Yeah. And the other person I just fucked, which was a mistake. But I went to the clinic last week with Jennie. -I made her get tested with me because I didn't want to go alone. Did they ask you a lot of questions? -How can you hang out with Casper? He's such a jerk. You think so? -You think so? Yeah. I've always hated that kid. He used to eat glue in like seventh grade. -Yeah. I've always hated that kid. He used to eat glue in like seventh grade. He still does. -He still does. I hate 'em. -I hate 'em. It's not his fault. He had a hard life. -It's not his fault. He had a hard life. Yeah? -Yeah? You've heard the stories right? -You've heard the stories right? No. -So that's why Casper is how he is. Oh god. That's horrible. -Yep. Holy shit. That's all true? -Holy shit. That's all true? No. I was just kidding. -No. I was just kidding. What?! -What?! I lied. His dad is still alive. He works for the post office. -Hi mom. Hi Telly. Where you been? -Sorry. Dad made me promise not to give you any money until you find a job. But then I won't need your money. -But then I won't need your money. That's right. -Mom. Shh. -Shh. I'm gonna go out for a little while. -I'm gonna go out for a little while. When are you gonna be back? -When are you gonna be back? Not too late. -Not too late. Four-thirty in the morning? -Four-thirty in the morning? Not too late. -Hey Mom. Are you sure I can't get any money? Just a few bucks. If I had it, maybe. But right now I don't have a penny to my name. -If I had it, maybe. But right now I don't have a penny to my name. All right. -Hello? It's me. Telly. -It's me. Telly. Hello? -Hello? Paul it's Telly. Open up. -What are you guys doing? Nothing. We just wanted to come by and see what you were up to. -Nothing. We just wanted to come by and see what you were up to. You want a wip-it? -You want a wip-it? Nah. -So, how many people live here now? I don't know, eight or nine. -I don't know, eight or nine. Where does everyone sleep? -Where does everyone sleep? Everywhere. Fuckin' flophouse. We're still short on the rent. If you want, you and Casper can move in. You guys can share the bathtub. -That's the whole thing. You know if you look at it. I mean all you hear about is disease this and disease that. And everyone's dying. And you better wear a condom or else. But the truth is. I don't know any kids with AIDS. No one I know has ever died from that shit. It's like some weird make-believe story that the whole world believes. Yep. -First times are always wacked. Just be glad you didn't lose your virginity in the backseat of a rental car. That shit is nothin'. I remember, I had just turned 14. With this fuckin' asshole who was like 18. I don't even remember his name. I think it was John or Jake or something. I remember he had a brother named Lentil because I would always joke and call him Lentil Bean. This was away at like sleep away camp with your friends and shit. -Slow. It's grandmother style. -Yeah. It's very monotonous. -Right. And we were like underneath the sheets. We were going at it like crazy. Oh my God that shit was so good! It was like hard... -And we were like underneath the sheets. We were going at it like crazy. Oh my God that shit was so good! It was like hard... Yeah. -Yeah. He was like sucking my tits. He was fucking fingering me. But that shit was nice and hard. -Yeah. And it takes them either too long or too short to come. Have you ever had someone that took forever To come? -To come? Yeah. I had sex with Jake, and it took him like an hour and a half. -It was... it was. It's like sweet and sour, and salty butter. -It's like sweet and sour, and salty butter. No, no, no. You can't get that taste out of your mouth. Until you eat something. -No, no, no. You can't get that taste out of your mouth. Until you eat something. Yeah. -Yeah. You can drink like there's no tomorrow but you still can't get that sperm between the teeth out. It's so disgusting. -What man? What is it? Yo, let me get in your parent's room man. Just fir a little while. -Yo, let me get in your parent's room man. Just fir a little while. I can't man. -I can't man. Come on Steven hook me up. Do me this solid. Come on man. I gotta get Darcy alone. She's gonna let me fuck her man. Please. -Come on Steven hook me up. Do me this solid. Come on man. I gotta get Darcy alone. She's gonna let me fuck her man. Please. Shit. All right. But don't fuck with anything OK? -Shit. All right. But don't fuck with anything OK? OK. -I've talked to a few people who say you and her were... friendly? Chess tournaments can be boring sometimes. People have a lot of free time. They like to gossip. -By yourself? Yes. -We seem to have a little problem here? What kind of problem? -What kind of problem? I think you're lying. That's what kind of problem. -I think you're lying. That's what kind of problem. What are you saying? -Casual. Casual? You were boning her weren't you? -Casual? You were boning her weren't you? It wasn't serious. What's your problem? -It wasn't serious. What's your problem? You are! I don't like you. -You are! I don't like you. Fine, don't ask me out on a date. -What's that supposed to mean? It means, if I were a killer and I thought the police were closing in on me I might invent someone to try and put them off the scent. -It means, if I were a killer and I thought the police were closing in on me I might invent someone to try and put them off the scent. That's crazy! Why would I draw attention to myself like that? -That's crazy! Why would I draw attention to myself like that? You like to play games, don't you, Peter? -You like to play games, don't you, Peter? He says on the photo he'll call tomorrow at eleven. Why not come back then and listen for yourself. -He says on the photo he'll call tomorrow at eleven. Why not come back then and listen for yourself. Oh, we'll be back. You can bet on it. -Meaning, it looks like his victims are chosen at random. No. -What do you mean, no? He says it's a game. All games have a strategy. -He says it's a game. All games have a strategy. All you gotta do is look at the map. -All you gotta do is look at the map. His victims aren't random. It only means that they appear to be random. There's a connection, we just have to find it. -Morpheus. What? -What? "Not what -- who. Morpheus. The Greek God of dreams. Look at the next line. ""Her God has gone and left his home.""" -Are you crazy? Let's see how much he wants to play. -What in the hell do you think you're doing? Slamming down the phone in the middle of the trace. You think you're going to catch him on a trace? Everything he does is planned out well in advance. The only way we're going to get him is to rattle him -- make him slip up. -We didn't ask for your opinion, Doctor. Maybe you should. -You don't tell us how to run our investigation. You got that? You don't have an investigation without me. You got that? -You know, I figure that's pretty much how these girl's feel just before they get it. You think I'm right? I wouldn't know. -I wouldn't know. That's right. I guess only the killer would know that. -That's right. I guess only the killer would know that. How'd you get in here? -How'd you get in here? The door was open. -The door was open. No it wasn't. -No it wasn't. Of course it was. Otherwise I'd be breaking and entering. That's a felony. -Of course it was. Otherwise I'd be breaking and entering. That's a felony. What do you want? -What do you want? You ever do any hunting, Peter? -No. I used to. With my old man. He taught me how to hunt and trap. Trapping's a lot harder than most people think. We used to go after Raccoons mostly. They'd get into our garbage, our fields. When an animal can't live peacefully with those around it, it has to be destroyed. But they're crafty little devils. You see the trick is, you can put your trap down, but no Raccoon is going come near it unless you lay down the scent. You ever smell Raccoon scent? Smells like shit, but to a male Raccoon it smells just like pussy. He'll walk right up to that trap, even though it don't look nothing like a Raccoon and stick his Goddam head right in it. You know why? Cause he can't help himself. The scent drives him. So, if you want to catch a Raccoon all you gotta do is figure out where he is -- lay down the scent -- and sooner or later he'll walk right into the trap. -I used to. With my old man. He taught me how to hunt and trap. Trapping's a lot harder than most people think. We used to go after Raccoons mostly. They'd get into our garbage, our fields. When an animal can't live peacefully with those around it, it has to be destroyed. But they're crafty little devils. You see the trick is, you can put your trap down, but no Raccoon is going come near it unless you lay down the scent. You ever smell Raccoon scent? Smells like shit, but to a male Raccoon it smells just like pussy. He'll walk right up to that trap, even though it don't look nothing like a Raccoon and stick his Goddam head right in it. You know why? Cause he can't help himself. The scent drives him. So, if you want to catch a Raccoon all you gotta do is figure out where he is -- lay down the scent -- and sooner or later he'll walk right into the trap. What if he doesn't bite? What if he's an exceptionally bright Raccoon? -What if he doesn't bite? What if he's an exceptionally bright Raccoon? Well then, you just gotta find out where he is -- and once you're sure where he is -- you shoot the fucker. -You got it on the board. No, I need the original note. -No, I need the original note. There's a photostat of the original on the wall. -He's not talking about himself. Then what's he talking about? -Then what's he talking about? If we knew that we'd know the answer to the riddle, wouldn't we? He's telling us where he's going to kill tonight and we can't see it. -Then let's narrow it down. Homesearchers. -We're interested in where you were from the time you left the auditorium until you got there. I was at the beach. -You sure you weren't over on Pine Road? I'm positive. -I'm positive. You're a lying bastard! -You're a lying bastard! Fuck you! I'm tired of your goddam accusations! If you want to arrest me go ahead! Otherwise back off. -Fuck you! I'm tired of your goddam accusations! If you want to arrest me go ahead! Otherwise back off. It's all a big game isn't it? A sick, fuckin' game. I don't know if there's two of you involved, or what -- but we're going to find out. Last night you gave us just enough to send us to the wrong place. It must've shocked the hell out to you when Frank walked in on Pine Road and you couldn't finish. -Yes you are. Get off me! -You set yourself up tonight when you attacked Kathy, you crazy fuck! What? -The message! I figured out-- Sit down! -You want me to what? I want you to feed every street in this grid into your computer. -I want you to feed every street in this grid into your computer. It'll take hours. You can't make me do this. -It'll take hours. You can't make me do this. You're right, I can't make you do it. Besides, you're probably gonna be too busy with the Franchise Tax Board anyway. -You're right, I can't make you do it. Besides, you're probably gonna be too busy with the Franchise Tax Board anyway. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I gotta friend over there. He was telling me things are kind of slow. So, I figured I'd give him a call, have him come down here and look through your records. You know, give him something to do. -I gotta friend over there. He was telling me things are kind of slow. So, I figured I'd give him a call, have him come down here and look through your records. You know, give him something to do. What's the first street? -Sorry to ruin your trip to the city, but we got a real nut on our hands, Frank. Run it down. -Debi Rutlege. Female. Caucasian. Twenty four. Worked over at the Four Oaks Hotel. Local? -Local? No. She just moved here last month from Portland. -What do you think? He's got an answer for everything, but he doesn't have an alibi. -He's got an answer for everything, but he doesn't have an alibi. You think he's dirty? -You think he's dirty? I don't know, but I think you're right. He's lying. -We wouldn't want someone's death to interfere with your games. What was your relationship with her? -Take it easy. Both of you. I'm sorry, this is just too convenient. -No shit! Could someone this disturbed give the appearance of being normal? -Sorry. Anything? -The F.B.I. has nothing remotely similar to this guy. I think he's a first- timer. Check with the State. If he's never killed outside of Washington the F.B.I. wouldn't have it. Nolan? -You still having a problem with this? Yeah, I am. I think he's playing us. If I was a killer and the police were trying to make a case against me, what better why to draw them off than to put their attention on someone else? -We've checked. There's no one with the last name of Emma on the Island. Maybe he's going to drug her? -How is she? She's unconscious, but they think she's going to make it. -She's unconscious, but they think she's going to make it. You alright? -You alright? I've seen a lot of things in my time on the job, but nothing like this. Yurilivich? -I've seen a lot of things in my time on the job, but nothing like this. Yurilivich? I was with him the whole time until I got the call at the hotel. -I was with him the whole time until I got the call at the hotel. Sanderson? -I spoke to Jeremy. He's watching Sanderson's kid. Sanderson went out after the match and hasn't come back since. Find him! I want to talk to him. -What is it? It's a voice modulator. -Ready for round two? I've got a feeling we're going to go the distance with him. Let him sweat for a little while. -You should be an actor, Frank. You looked like you were really mad. The veins popping out on your neck was a really nice touch. You weren't mad at him for picking up the phone? -Why does he call Sanderson? He's one of the best Chess players in the world. Who better to play a game with? -Sending yourself anonymous notes in the mail is one thing -- but who called him today? I don't know. Maybe there's two of them. Maybe he hired some Wino to make the calls. -I don't know. Maybe there's two of them. Maybe he hired some Wino to make the calls. Maybe you're reaching a bit? I think Sanderson should be in on this. There's a reason why the killer's calling him. -A few people. Did anyone stand out? -Did anyone stand out? What do you mean, stand out? -What do you mean, stand out? Did anyone look suspicious? Think! -Did anyone look suspicious? Think! Now that you mention it there was somebody who looked suspicious. -Now that you mention it there was somebody who looked suspicious. What was suspicious about him? -It doesn't make sense because we don't understand it. But a hundred men could move him. -Don't fuck with us! Where did you go! He was with me? -Remember eventually revenge is carefully... Have you tired juxtaposing the words? Oh, c'mon. We're not going to spend any more time on this crap, are we? It doesn't mean anything. It's Sanderson! -Oh, c'mon. We're not going to spend any more time on this crap, are we? It doesn't mean anything. It's Sanderson! It isn't him. Frank, you brought me in on this in the beginning because you wanted my opinion if he was capable of doing this. -It isn't him. Frank, you brought me in on this in the beginning because you wanted my opinion if he was capable of doing this. Jesus, you're sleeping with the guy. You've lost your perspective. You can't possibly be unbiased. -We'll find the evidence. You couldn't find your dick in a wind storm! -Hello, Peter. Who is this? -Who is this? Someone who's going to become an important part of your life. I want to play a game with you. -Someone who's going to become an important part of your life. I want to play a game with you. I haven't got time for this. -Hello, Peter. Just a second. Hello? -Very amateurish, Peter. I'm surprised you would use such an obvious tactic. I'm not an idiot! Don't treat me as one! I'll call you everyday... You get one minute, whether you put me on hold or talk is up to you! Are you ready to play? Yes. Why did you kill Debi Rutlege? -Yes. Why did you kill Debi Rutlege? To get your attention. -To get your attention. Did you know her? -Did you know her? No, only the path she chose to travel. -And -- what path is that? We all have paths to follow. You hope yours will lead you to me. -We all have paths to follow. You hope yours will lead you to me. Why did you write remember on the wall? -Why did you write remember on the wall? That's something you'll have to figure out for yourself. Really, Peter, you can't expect me to answer such direct questions. -That's something you'll have to figure out for yourself. Really, Peter, you can't expect me to answer such direct questions. Why not? -Why not? You don't want to think and that's why I'll win! I'm already two points ahead. -You don't want to think and that's why I'll win! I'm already two points ahead. What? -I did another one last night. You might have saved her, but you didn't want to play. Where is she? -Where is she? You'll find her. -You'll find her. If you got something to say to me, just come out and say it! -I suppose you want to know where I'm going to kill tonight, Peter? You're not going to tell me that. -You're not going to tell me that. """Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town. Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown. Crawling through the window. At the end of Miss Emma's street. Her God has gone and left his home. So her and I can meet.""" -Hello? Do you know what I'm doing right now, Peter? I'm looking at the name of the girl I'm going to kill tonight. -Do you know what I'm doing right now, Peter? I'm looking at the name of the girl I'm going to kill tonight. You know her? -You know her? Not really. -Not really. Why her? -Why her? Because she's the type. -Because she's the type. But you said you didn't know her. -But you said you didn't know her. I know what I said! She looks just like... -I know what I said! She looks just like... Just like who? -Just like who? I really wish you'd stop trying to maneuver me. I find it irritating, not to mention insulting. -I really wish you'd stop trying to maneuver me. I find it irritating, not to mention insulting. I'm just trying to play the game. -I'm just trying to play the game. You're not playing very well. There are clues all around you and you keep missing them. -I'm sure there are other people who would be interested in what I have to say. Then call them! -Just for that no hint today. Why are you doing this? You must have some idea of the pain you're causing people. -Why are you doing this? You must have some idea of the pain you're causing people. Pain? Pain is just a state of mind. It's something you learn to live with. I have. -And you want these girls to feel your pain? Please, I don't want to get into the psychological aspects of my actions. It would detract from the game. -Please, I don't want to get into the psychological aspects of my actions. It would detract from the game. How? -How? I couldn't say it any better than Huxley. -"Huxley's quote also says, ""his play is always fair and just.""" So is mine, within the framework of my rules. -Have you any idea what the message is? If it's so important, why don't you just tell me? -If it's so important, why don't you just tell me? I couldn't tell you that. It would ruin the game. Not that you're playing it very well. -I couldn't tell you that. It would ruin the game. Not that you're playing it very well. You like to brag, don't you? -What? You heard me. Why did you go out to the institute looking for her? -You heard me. Why did you go out to the institute looking for her? What makes you think I was there? -What makes you think I was there? I couldn't tell you that. It would ruin the game. -I couldn't tell you that. It would ruin the game. The game's almost over, Peter, and you're running out of time. -It's you who's running out of time. You're starting to make mistakes now. You're wondering just how much I really know. Just how close I'm getting? Well, I'm closer than you think, pal -- and I'm gonna nail your ass to the wall! Very nice speech, Peter. Did you rehearse that, or was it impromptu? There's an old wooden bench in the garden. Next to it is a rock. You'll find a message for you under it. Let's see if you're as clever as you think you are. -Hello. Last night was very exciting, wasn't it? Have you figured out what I'm doing? -Last night was very exciting, wasn't it? Have you figured out what I'm doing? You're playing the Tarakoss opening. -You're playing the Tarakoss opening. Very good. -Very good. You're next move should have been e2- e3. -You're next move should have been e2- e3. I used a variation. You should have anticipated that. Have you figured out the message? -I used a variation. You should have anticipated that. Have you figured out the message? What word did you leave last night? -What word did you leave last night? The police haven't told you? -The police haven't told you? They think that you and I are doing this together. -Interesting concept. I hadn't thought of that. If you think about how Anton Berger plays chess you might get it. I'm beginning to think it doesn't mean anything. Remember eventually revenge- - -I'm beginning to think it doesn't mean anything. Remember eventually revenge- - --you're hopeless! You can't even read a sentence! Didn't they teach you punctuation in school? The game ends tonight! -Hello, Peter. You sonofabitch! -You sonofabitch! Emotional? I expected more from you. -Emotional? I expected more from you. If you kill tonight and I'm in jail the police will know I'm innocent. -If you kill tonight and I'm in jail the police will know I'm innocent. By that time the game will be over. -By that time the game will be over. I've figured out the message. -I've figured out the message. No you haven't. And even if you had it doesn't matter. Who would you tell? The police don't believe you, and you've just used your only phone call. -Yes? Congratulations on your daring escape. You just missed me by a few seconds. It's check, Peter. -Congratulations on your daring escape. You just missed me by a few seconds. It's check, Peter. Let me speak to my daughter. -Let me speak to my daughter. She's in the other room. I just wanted you to know she wasn't dead... yet. But it's time for her to die now. -She's in the other room. I just wanted you to know she wasn't dead... yet. But it's time for her to die now. Please... wait. -Please... wait. The game's over. You lost. -The game's over. You lost. It's me you want. Not her. -It's me you want. Not her. No. As usual you're wrong. It is her I want. Killing you would be easy. Living with the consequences of losing will be much more of a defeat. -"That wouldn't be very sporting. Remember Huxley? ""His play is always fair and just.""" You're groping. I have been fair. It's my move now. -You're groping. I have been fair. It's my move now. I'll give you anything you want. Anything! Please! -I'll give you anything you want. Anything! Please! Don't beg, Peter. She has to die. I can't win unless she dies. -I was thinking about leaving the phone line open so you could hear her die -- but I've decided it's better if you don't know exactly when I kill her. Good-bye Peter. No! Wait!! -I know where you are. Very good. How did you know? -Very good. How did you know? The pipes. -How'd you know I wouldn't be in the same room with her? You told me. When you called you said she was in the other room. Drop the knife. -This isn't going to help, David. You're mother's dead. You can't undo it. You don't understand. -You don't understand. Yes, I do. I found your file. I know what happened. -Yes, I do. I found your file. I know what happened. They took away the game because of him. My father left and my mother... There was so much blood... It covered everything. -They took away the game because of him. My father left and my mother... There was so much blood... It covered everything. I know, but this isn't going to bring her back. -Don't you see? I had to make it right. I ignored my mother's crossing. I sat with them all. I held their hands. I stroked their hair. I was with them to the end. I took away the blood. I washed them. Their crossing was peaceful. I think your mother knows that now. Why don't you put the knife down. Put it down, David. -Naw, it's all fixed. I also loaded up a program that'll analyze your games three hundred percent faster. Thanks. -What's this? Oh, I put a few games on for your daughter. I hope you don't mind. -Oh, I put a few games on for your daughter. I hope you don't mind. Of course not. -Sure. We've got a modem line hooked up with the data base in New York. Can we correlate data? Look for specific things, like player's ages... stuff like that? -Can we correlate data? Look for specific things, like player's ages... stuff like that? No problem. We're in. -No problem. We're in. Okay. Run a search to see if there are any players with a rating above two thousand that live on the Island. -Nope. Nothing. Set up some pieces on the big board? -D2-d4... b1-c3... and c1-f4. It's the number two variation of the Tarakoss opening. David, can you bring up the tournament records for the last ten years. Mister Sanderson, they'll be hundreds of thousands of games. -Now what? Have computer search for anyone that's used that opening against me. There can't be more than a handful. -There's three. The first is 1983. Lionel Baines. The Boston... Never mind. He died two years ago. -Never mind. He died two years ago. 1985. Hans Korshaud. -1985. Hans Korshaud. He's in his seventies and lives in Holland. -What is it? New York. 1986. Viktor Yurilivich. -Computers. That's how you got into Homesearchers records. You can get into anything. But why? Why? You still haven't figured it out, have you? You think that I've put you through an ordeal. My scars run so much deeper than yours. -You still haven't figured it out, have you? You think that I've put you through an ordeal. My scars run so much deeper than yours. What scars? -What scars? The scars on your chest. From where I stabbed you with my fountain pen. -You might not have done it had you known. You're damn right! I'm a child psychologist and you send me into a room with someone who could be a murderer! -You're damn right! I'm a child psychologist and you send me into a room with someone who could be a murderer! Would you mind keeping your voice down? I have guests. -Would you mind keeping your voice down? I have guests. Oh, well we wouldn't want to disturb your guests, would we? -The police came to me for help. What could I do? You could have been honest with me for starters. We work together. I have to be able to trust you. -You could have been honest with me for starters. We work together. I have to be able to trust you. I admit I handled it badly. Sanderson wasn't going to talk to me... but you're young, attractive-- -I admit I handled it badly. Sanderson wasn't going to talk to me... but you're young, attractive-- --the same type as the girl who got killed. Jesus, Alan, the guy could be a psychopath. ---the same type as the girl who got killed. Jesus, Alan, the guy could be a psychopath. They asked who would be best suited for this and you-- -They asked who would be best suited for this and you-- Don't patronize me! You sent me into a potentially dangerous situation and didn't warn me! -It worked out alright, didn't it? Fuck off! -Feeling better? I just can't believe it. -I just can't believe it. You don't want to believe it. It's a normal reaction. -You don't want to believe it. It's a normal reaction. How come the police never had a record of Sanderson before. This doesn't come out of nowhere, there has to be a history. -Kathy, please. You're going to wear a hole in the carpet. I'm just nervous. Sorry. -I'm just nervous. Sorry. You're safe. He wouldn't come here. -You're safe. He wouldn't come here. He already did once. -Why did he? Why did he what? -Why did he what? Come here. -Come here. He was watching you. -He was watching you. Yeah -- that's what we've always thought -- but what if he wasn't? What if I had nothing to do with the reason he came here? -Yeah -- that's what we've always thought -- but what if he wasn't? What if I had nothing to do with the reason he came here? You're losing me. -You must be Erica. Uh huh. -Uh huh. I'm Kathy. -Is your dad here? He went down to the lobby for a minute. He should be right back. Would you like come in? -So, are you having a good time on the Island? Not really. It's pretty boring. -Not really. It's pretty boring. That's only because you don't know where to go. You like hiking? Fishing? Sailing? What do you like? -That's only because you don't know where to go. You like hiking? Fishing? Sailing? What do you like? Boys. -Do you like my dad? Of course. -I know he really likes you. How do you know that? Did he say something? -How do you know that? Did he say something? No... but I can tell. A woman knows these things. -Okay. Nice meeting you. Nice meeting you. -Congratulations, dad. My cheering section. -What are you doing up? I can't sleep. My beds lumpy. -I can't sleep. My beds lumpy. I see. You forgot to bring you're night-light, didn't you? -I see. You forgot to bring you're night-light, didn't you? That has nothing to do with it. -That has nothing to do with it. You want to sleep in my bed tonight? -You want to sleep in my bed tonight? Okay. -Who told you that? Mrs. Lutz. She also told me that Mr. Lutz goes to a medium to try and contact great Grandmasters in the spirit world. -Mrs. Lutz. She also told me that Mr. Lutz goes to a medium to try and contact great Grandmasters in the spirit world. Has he gotten through to any? -Has he gotten through to any? No, but he did contact a dead parcheesi champion from Ohio. -What is it, dad? Nothing. -Don't you have something you want to say to David? Thanks, David. -You ready? For what? -For what? You told me you'd take me over to Seattle today. -You told me you'd take me over to Seattle today. I'm sorry, honey, I can't. Not today. -I'm sorry, honey, I can't. Not today. But you promised. -It isn't Kathy. Who's Kathy? -Whaddaya got, Nolan? Not much. There's no sign of a break in. I think she let him in. -Not much. There's no sign of a break in. I think she let him in. How long has she been dead? -How long has she been dead? Six, eight hours tops. -Six, eight hours tops. Any sign of rape? -Any sign of rape? Not that I can see. We'll know more once I get the lab reports back from Seattle. -There's no blood. Where's the fuckin' blood? Bingo. -Anything? Not much. I don't think she was raped. There's no bruising, or any signs of trauma to the pelvic region -- and no trace of sperm which makes sense because she took a bath. -Not much. I don't think she was raped. There's no bruising, or any signs of trauma to the pelvic region -- and no trace of sperm which makes sense because she took a bath. What about prints? -What about prints? No prints. -No prints. You mean, no prints but hers? -You mean, no prints but hers? No Frank. No prints. -He tapes their mouths shut. We found traces of adhesive around the victims mouths. We're doing a chemical analysis for components, but it's probably a standard brand you can buy in any hardware store. There's only two hardware stores on the whole Island. We'll check that out. What about the blood? -There's only two hardware stores on the whole Island. We'll check that out. What about the blood? Not a drop. Maybe the guy works for the Red Cross. -This is where he forced his way in. We found some fibers on the windowsill, probably particles of clothing that rubbed off when he climbed through. I'll know more once I get it under the microscope. That's great. -That's great. Wait, I've saved the best for last. Andy, hit the lights, will you? -Same as the others? Yeah. -Yeah. How long she been dead? -How long she been dead? I'd say at least eighteen hours. -I'd say at least eighteen hours. That means she was dead before we even finished figuring out the message. -Well? Well what? I told you this was a stupid idea. You can't learn anything from someone in a few minutes. -Well what? I told you this was a stupid idea. You can't learn anything from someone in a few minutes. You didn't pick up any vibes from the guy? -You didn't pick up any vibes from the guy? I'm a psychologist, Frank... not a psychic. What's this all about anyway? -I'm a psychologist, Frank... not a psychic. What's this all about anyway? What did Dr. Fulton tell you? -Only that you wanted someone from the institute to talk to Sanderson for some case you're working on. What'd he do? We're not sure. -We're not sure. What do you think he did? -What do you think he did? We think he could be a suspect in a murder investigation. -I'm busy right now. It's important. -I see you're still having problems with your openings. And this Jeremy-- -And this Jeremy-- --Edmonds. I know. You lost to Karpov in '82, didn't you? -No. I told him to. I wanted to make sure there was someone on the other end. But we heard him. -But we heard him. It could have been a tape. A prerecorded conversation between Sanderson and himself. -Kathy? Well, the fact that he views this as a game suggests that he is trying to prove some sense of superiority -- and the way he murders confirms a need to be in complete control of his victim. -Well, the fact that he views this as a game suggests that he is trying to prove some sense of superiority -- and the way he murders confirms a need to be in complete control of his victim. What about the way he arranged the body? -That would indicate he's playing out a fantasy. Power-control killers usually fantasize about their actions long before they commit them. Once they become a reality though, they reach a sense of euphoria and need to repeat the act to sustain it. But, in all the research I've read on Serial Killers, I've never heard of one moving so fast. It's as if the game is the catalyst for the murders -- not the other way around. Anything else? -Anything else? Yes. Why disguise your voice if no one knows it? -Yes. Why disguise your voice if no one knows it? I was thinking the same thing. He must be local. It's logical for him to assume that the police would be there, but he recognized Andy's voice and called him by name. What about this? -I was thinking the same thing. He must be local. It's logical for him to assume that the police would be there, but he recognized Andy's voice and called him by name. What about this? I would think it's some type of clue as to where he's going to kill next? -I don't think it matters. Last nights victim, Christie Eastman was found in a warehouse on the outskirts of town. The night before, Debi Rutlege was found in the center. Meaning? -His home would be... Mount Olympus. Call dispatch. Double the patrols. I want that area blanketed. -Before we go in I gotta tell you this isn't going to be pretty. I know that. I've seen the photo's. -I know that. I've seen the photo's. This ain't no photo. -You never know how you're going to catch a suspect. Peter's right, Captain. He's got to be forced into making a mistake. -Well, I think you have to play to his ego. He thinks he's superior. The more secure he feels, the more chances he'll take. What did he mean by Huxley? -Maybe we should back up a minute and take a look at what we do have. All the girls that have been killed have been killed at night. They're all the same type. All moved into their homes within the last three months -- and all of them found their homes through Homesearchers. I thought that Homesearchers was a dead end? -I thought that Homesearchers was a dead end? It can't be a coincidence. The woman that owns it has a son. She says he's been on vacation in Montana for the last ten days. We're trying to locate him. There's also a cleaning service that comes in once a week. We're checking that out too. -It can't be a coincidence. The woman that owns it has a son. She says he's been on vacation in Montana for the last ten days. We're trying to locate him. There's also a cleaning service that comes in once a week. We're checking that out too. He moves around a lot. Why? -Each of those grids represents almost a square mile. That's a big area to cover. -As large as castles. Yes. Why not just say a building if he meant any general type of structure? -What time did he get there? About a quarter to one. -He's right, Kathy. What are you saying? That I'm seeing what I want to see? That I'm protecting a murderer? What? -We can't rely on your judgement anymore. What does that mean? -And what if he's wrong. If you were one hundred percent sure it was Peter you would've arrested him. If it is someone else then he's going to kill again tonight and you're sitting here ignoring the message. We're going to work on the message. -We're going to work on the message. This stinks! You want to know what I think? I think there have been five murders and you've got shit to go on. You need to blame someone and he's the easiest choice. -This stinks! You want to know what I think? I think there have been five murders and you've got shit to go on. You need to blame someone and he's the easiest choice. The most logical choice. -The most logical choice. You don't have a shred of evidence! -Did you see his face? No. He was wearing a mask... but I saw the cut on his wrist. It was Peter. -No. He was wearing a mask... but I saw the cut on his wrist. It was Peter. I can't arrest someone for having a cut on their wrist. Do you have someone you can stay with tonight? -I can't arrest someone for having a cut on their wrist. Do you have someone you can stay with tonight? I've got a room at the institute I use when I stay late. -I've got a room at the institute I use when I stay late. Okay. Why don't you go out there. We'll check in with you later. -If you can think of anything else give us a call. You know, I hate to say I told you so, but I warned her. Coming home at all hours of the night. A young girl new to the city. This neighborhood ain't what it used to be. -Excuse me... you said earlier that Mary Albert just moved in. How long ago was that? Ten days ago. -Ten days ago. Do you know how she found the apartment? -Do you know how she found the apartment? Through a rental agency. -Through a rental agency. Didn't you tell me that Debi Rutlege had just moved into her place also? -I know you're busy so I'll get right to it. Did you know her? Only in passing. To say hello to. -Could you tell me where you were last night? Here. I played Gregory Lutz. -Here. I played Gregory Lutz. I know. You won two games against him and left the auditorium at eight forty five. Where did you go after that? -I know. You won two games against him and left the auditorium at eight forty five. Where did you go after that? To my room and then I went for a walk. -This is a printout from the hotel computer for all the messages logged to your room. Here's one at 9:04 pm. It says: From Debi. Please call me at home. She called to give me my schedule for tomorrow. -She called to give me my schedule for tomorrow. What's interesting about it is you say you only knew her in passing. Yet, she says on her message for you to call her at home and she doesn't leave a number. That would imply you already knew the number. -What's interesting about it is you say you only knew her in passing. Yet, she says on her message for you to call her at home and she doesn't leave a number. That would imply you already knew the number. I got it from the tournament directory. -Why didn't you tell us you were there earlier? I don't know. I was afraid there'd be hours of questions. I can't afford to miss a game. -Mister Sanderson, this is Doctor Sheppard. She's a psychologist helping us out. We've already met. Haven't we... Doctor. -You want me to go with you? Maybe I can help. That's alright. We'll take it from here. -What have you come up with on the riddle? """Wee Willie Winkie runs though the street."" We think he might be making a reference to himself." -"""Wee Willie Winkie runs though the street."" We think he might be making a reference to himself." Maybe, but I don't think so. I think it's just a tease. -Maybe, but I don't think so. I think it's just a tease. Upstairs and downstairs in his night gown -- He could be saying the house he's picked is two stories. -That's it? We think he might be making a reference to drugs? Miss Emma is a street term used by junkies for Morphine. -We think he might be making a reference to drugs? Miss Emma is a street term used by junkies for Morphine. Could Emma be the name of the girl he's going to kill? -Another one? What word did he leave? """Is"". Did you tell him about the institute?" -As large as castles. You are still light as air, one hundred men can't move me. It doesn't make sense. -He's using the map as a chessboard! The sonofabitch is playing chess with me!! How can he be playing Chess with you? You're not making any moves against him. -How can he be playing Chess with you? You're not making any moves against him. Maybe I already have. -I still don't see how he could be playing chess against you. There's only enough grids on the map to be half a board. That's all he needs. He's making the moves. It's an opening. I just can't remember the name. Okay, it's a game. He's starting it, so he moves first. He's white. e2-e4. -It's a commercial area. No one lives there. But he had to dump the body there to make the move. -As large as castles, you are still light as the air, one hundred men can't move me. It's posed as a question. What am I? A building? -A building? A building isn't as light as air. What's large, but as light as air and can't be moved? -He's not going to give us direct hints. He's going to skirt around it. "He uses castles...plural -- then says ""can't move me."" Singular. Not can't move us." -A shadow. What's as big a castle? As light as air , but one hundred men can't move it? The shadow of the castle. Are there any buildings that have the name Castle in it that cast a shadow long enough to fall across another building? Wait a minute. There's an apartment in that area called the Castle Arms. -Wait a minute. There's an apartment in that area called the Castle Arms. That's got to be it. -Where were you last night? Are we going to go through this again? -Are we going to go through this again? Answer the question. -Answer the question. I went out. -Jeremy would have never killed himself. Maybe he just got tired of covering for you. -Maybe he just got tired of covering for you. This is insane! Can't you see what's going on. The killer wants me out of the way. He's setting me up. -Don't you understand what I'm telling you? That's why he wants me out of the way. I understand that this is just another one of your games. -I understand that this is just another one of your games. Look, I'll do anything you want! I'll sign anything you want! Just send a car out to the hotel. -Alright, c'mon Peter. We're moving you to a cell. I signed the confession. What about the car? -Did you send the car? It's over, Peter. Let's stop the games. I'm not sending a car. -You opened with the English. Lutz won't use it. He opened his first game with it. He knows you're aware of that. -He knows you're aware of that. Then I'll transpose. -Then I'll transpose. On a variation, yes -- but it must be a variation that is unique. -On a variation, yes -- but it must be a variation that is unique. I suppose you have something in mind? -It's a good play, but risky. You don't win by playing it safe, Peter. -We got a problem? Our computer went on the fritz again. David came up to fix it. -Our computer went on the fritz again. David came up to fix it. Is it serious? -Peter... I've got be here for the police when they come. Then I've got to practise. In case you forgot I'm in the middle of a match right now. -I've got be here for the police when they come. Then I've got to practise. In case you forgot I'm in the middle of a match right now. You're always in the middle of a match. -You're always in the middle of a match. I want to be the best I can. -You have something you want to say? Just thought you might want to talk. -Just thought you might want to talk. About what? -About what? Whatever's on your mind. -Whatever's on your mind. Who says something's on my mind. -What do you see here? Mate in five. -Mate in five. Exactly... and you did this. -She went into town with Mrs. Lutz. Did they get him? No. -No. Feel like practicing? -Feel like practicing? Yeah. Just let me grab a shower. -Bainbridge Books. "Hi, Sara. This is Doctor Sheppard. I was wondering if you could tell me if you have a book on chess called ""Principals and Tactics"" by Anton Berger." -"Hi, Sara. This is Doctor Sheppard. I was wondering if you could tell me if you have a book on chess called ""Principals and Tactics"" by Anton Berger." I can check and call you back. -I can check and call you back. Thank you. I'm at 639-7393. -Thank you. I'm at 639-7393. We'll call you back. -Bainbridge Books. Sara, this is Doctor Sheppard. I called you earlier about a book. -Sara, this is Doctor Sheppard. I called you earlier about a book. Yes, Doctor Sheppard. We called you back but you weren't home. We have the book. -Yes, Doctor Sheppard. We called you back but you weren't home. We have the book. Could you please do me a big favor? In the first chapter the author mentions his three rules of chess. Could you look and tell me what they are? -Could you please do me a big favor? In the first chapter the author mentions his three rules of chess. Could you look and tell me what they are? Of course. Yes, here it is. Why, they're all the same? -Of course. Yes, here it is. Why, they're all the same? What are they, please? -What are they, please? """Carefully"". ""Carefully"". ""Carefully""." -Sorry. I thought it was empty. It's alright. -Is this your first time here? Yes. -I love this hotel. I stay here every time I visit my parents. How come you don't stay with them? -How come you don't stay with them? Because I love them, but they drive me crazy. You know how parents are? -Because I love them, but they drive me crazy. You know how parents are? No. I don't. -Are you with the tournament? Uh huh. -Uh huh. Are you one of the players? -Are you one of the players? Yes. -Yes. I've always wanted to learn how to play chess. I don't have the patience for it. When did you start playing? -I've always wanted to learn how to play chess. I don't have the patience for it. When did you start playing? When I was very young. -When I was very young. It seems like such a complicated game. -It seems like such a complicated game. Not really. You see your goal and you go after it. Anything that gets in the way is an obstacle and must be destroyed. -Not really. You see your goal and you go after it. Anything that gets in the way is an obstacle and must be destroyed. Sounds very violent. -Sounds very violent. Chess is a reflection of life. Life is violent. The strong win. The weak perish. ---but you enjoy being the stronger one? You like the control. If you're asking me if I'm passionate about what I do, the answer is yes. Without passion, nothing moves us. What's your passion? -If you're asking me if I'm passionate about what I do, the answer is yes. Without passion, nothing moves us. What's your passion? That's a very personal question. -That's a very personal question. I see. This is going to be a very polite conversation. What shall we discuss? The weather? Movies? -I see. This is going to be a very polite conversation. What shall we discuss? The weather? Movies? Are you disappointed that I won't answer you? -Are you disappointed that I won't answer you? I had just hoped there would be more substance to the conversation. -I had just hoped there would be more substance to the conversation. I thought opening too quickly was a fatal mistake in chess. -I thought opening too quickly was a fatal mistake in chess. It is. -It is. Do you always open quickly? -Do you always open quickly? Are we talking about me, or chess? -Are we talking about me, or chess? You. -You. Each circumstance requires a different tactic. -Each circumstance requires a different tactic. Well, I hope you remember that tomorrow when you play Krikorian. -Well, I think I've had enough. Getting too hot in here for you? -What are you looking for? Nothing. I just came in for a steam. -Nothing. I just came in for a steam. No you didn't. -They couldn't break the riddle. Did you think it was going to be easy? You think he was going to lay it out at your feet? -Did you think it was going to be easy? You think he was going to lay it out at your feet? We need your help. -We need your help. I offered my help this morning and Sedman turned me down. -I offered my help this morning and Sedman turned me down. But you're the key. The one he wants to play the game with. -But you're the key. The one he wants to play the game with. I can't right now. I've got a game. -I can't right now. I've got a game. She could be dead after the game. -She could be dead after the game. She could be dead now. -She could be dead now. What if she isn't? Where are your priorities? You have to think between someone's life and a chess game? The girl he killed last night was only twenty one years old! He dumped her body behind a warehouse like a sack of garbage! -You sure you don't want to eat something? I don't think I could. -It's going to be a long night. It could take hours before we know something. You should try to eat. You sound like my mother. -You sound like my mother. It wasn't intentional. -It wasn't intentional. Does what's going on bother you at all? Or are you just wearing your game face? -I think it's interesting. Another kind of game? -Another kind of game? In a way. -In a way. This isn't a game. -This isn't a game. Oh, but it is. He's killing a person everyday and challenging us to catch him. That's a game. It has rules and objectives. -Oh, but it is. He's killing a person everyday and challenging us to catch him. That's a game. It has rules and objectives. How can you look at it so clinically? -How can you look at it so clinically? Take your average cop. They deal with death everyday. If they let emotions get in the way it would cloud their judgement. -Take your average cop. They deal with death everyday. If they let emotions get in the way it would cloud their judgement. That's true -- but the emotion is still there. They just learn to control it. -That's true -- but the emotion is still there. They just learn to control it. What about you? Aren't there times when a young child is telling you a story so sad you just want to cry? -What about you? Aren't there times when a young child is telling you a story so sad you just want to cry? Of course. -Of course. Do you? -Do you? Let's change the subject. -Let's change the subject. Okay. So, tell me about yourself. Are you married? -I'm just curious. I think it's best if we don't ask too many personal questions -- I want to keep things on a professional level. -I think it's best if we don't ask too many personal questions -- I want to keep things on a professional level. You mean like in the steam room? -You mean like in the steam room? That's not fair! -That's not fair! Are you going to tell me you didn't feel something in there? -You're projecting your own desires and reading more into what happened than what actually did. Very good. Spoken like a true psychologist. When confronted with the prospect of your own reality, hide behind quotations. What is that Masters and Johnson? -You have to win every point, don't you? I just wanted to know if you're involved with anyone? Let me ask you something? Do your colleagues know if you're involved or not? -I just wanted to know if you're involved with anyone? Let me ask you something? Do your colleagues know if you're involved or not? Of course. -Of course. Why? -Why? Because I work with them. -No. You're not? -You're not? No -- I'm not involved. And I plan on keeping it that way. -Relax. How the hell can I relax after seeing what I just saw. -How the hell can I relax after seeing what I just saw. I know it was bad. -I know it was bad. How could you? Unless you were there. -I know you didn't You know, Andy thinks you're doing this. -You know, Andy thinks you're doing this. Doesn't that scare you? -Doesn't that scare you? No. -No. Why? -Why? Because I think he's wrong. -Can you go fifteen minutes without thinking about it? No. But I'm open to distractions. -No. But I'm open to distractions. I'm sure you are. -You know, you're not the easiest person in the world to get close to. You always want to talk about me. What about you? -You always want to talk about me. What about you? Wasn't I just talking about me? -Wasn't I just talking about me? No. You were talking about chess. -No. You were talking about chess. Alright. What about me? -Alright. What about me? I dunno. Where's Erica mother? -I dunno. Where's Erica mother? She died in a car accident. -She died in a car accident. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. It's alright. It was a long time ago. -It's alright. It was a long time ago. It must've been very hard on Erica? -It must've been very hard on Erica? It was. -It was. And you? -What? Have you noticed that every time we start to talk about something serious you start to play games. -Have you noticed that every time we start to talk about something serious you start to play games. I'm not playing a game now. -I'm not playing a game now. Yes you are. You're playing word games. -Yes you are. You're playing word games. What is this? -What is this? I'm just trying to get to know you, Peter. -I'm just trying to get to know you, Peter. What? By attacking me? -Nobody could attack you. You set your life up like one of your chessboards. You're impregnable -- but at the same time you've become trapped behind your own defenses. You're cut off from everyone around you. What are you talking about? You don't even know me. -What are you talking about? You don't even know me. Does anyone? -I just don't want to fight with you. Then show me who you are. -This frightens me -- because I'm starting to feel things I haven't felt in a long time. You've got to face the things you feel. -You've got to face the things you feel. I thought you were the woman who didn't want to get involved. -I thought you were the woman who didn't want to get involved. I said I didn't plan on getting involved. -You can turn everything around so easily. This is not just another game, is it? No. -I'm hungry. Call room service. -Fine. What do you want on it? -What do you want on it? You. -You. Would you settle for pepperoni? -Would you settle for pepperoni? If I have to. I'm going to take a shower. -Did you call? The line was busy. I'll try again. -They're not delivering. I'm going to go pick up the pizza. I thought you said the line was busy? -I thought you said the line was busy? I tried again and got through. -I tried again and got through. What's wrong? -What's wrong? Nothing. -Nothing. Then why are you backing up? -Peter, you have to admit-- --admit what? That I was right about you in the steam room? That you're willing to do anything to find out what you want? Would you like me to leave so you can search the rest of the room? -Peter... How could you think that, Kathy? How could you even consider it? -In a fierce magazine you'll find a hint of my actions to come... Why does he set this line apart? For emphasis? -For emphasis? Exactly. It's the key. -Exactly. It's the key. But what does he mean by a fierce magazine? Violent? -But what does he mean by a fierce magazine? Violent? A fierce magazine... brutal... An angry magazine... A war magazine... a mercenary magazine... fierce... Mad. -A fierce magazine... brutal... An angry magazine... A war magazine... a mercenary magazine... fierce... Mad. What? -What? Where's the note? -He's replaying the game I played against him move by move, using these girls as the Chess pieces. All the girls have been found in their homes except Christie Eastman, who was found in back of a warehouse. Why? Because to follow the game he played he had to move to that grid? -Because to follow the game he played he had to move to that grid? Right. Here! c-4. -Hi. Can I come in? -The other night -- I said some things that maybe I shouldn't have. I mean, you haven't known me very long and I can see how you thought what you did. I'm not looking for an apology, Peter. -I'm not looking for an apology, Peter. I was thinking that... maybe when this is all over we could... -I was thinking that... maybe when this is all over we could... I want someone I can get close to. I don't know if that's possible with you. -I want someone I can get close to. I don't know if that's possible with you. You really haven't seen my best side. -Peter... No, listen. You have no idea of the kind of pressure I'm under right now. -No, listen. You have no idea of the kind of pressure I'm under right now. That's still no excuse. You treat everything like a game. -That's still no excuse. You treat everything like a game. I can't think any more, unless it's about you. I'll be in the middle of a match and instead of thinking about my next move, I think about how you look when you smile. Remember how you said that I hide behind my chessboard? Ever since my wife died I've been... I've been afraid of getting too close to someone again -- afraid of losing them. -I can't think any more, unless it's about you. I'll be in the middle of a match and instead of thinking about my next move, I think about how you look when you smile. Remember how you said that I hide behind my chessboard? Ever since my wife died I've been... I've been afraid of getting too close to someone again -- afraid of losing them. You're wife died. You can't feel responsible for that. -You're wife died. You can't feel responsible for that. You don't understand. -You don't understand. Then help me to understand. I want to understand. -Then help me to understand. I want to understand. It's not that easy. -It's not that easy. Of course it isn't. It's always difficult when someone you love dies. But you can't feel responsible because she had a car accident. -Of course it isn't. It's always difficult when someone you love dies. But you can't feel responsible because she had a car accident. But I do. -But I do. Why? -Why? Because she killed herself!! -This letter. I've never opened it. Why not? -Why not? Because I know what it says. -Because I know what it says. Maybe you're afraid of what it says. -If we could just figure out what the next word is going to be. He said the game's going to end tonight so there's only going to be one more word. It could be anything. -It could be anything. It's got to be grammatically correct. -"How did you know it was ""carefully""?" Frank told me. -Frank told me. No he didn't. -You're right. The killer told me. He didn't tell you either. -This isn't going to be like the phone book, is it? Of course not. -You're going to be late for your match. Are you going to come tonight? -Are you going to come tonight? Yeah. I'll be there later. -You beat him. I got lucky. -I got lucky. There's a girl in the hospital who is going to live because of you. You made a difference. -It's over now. I just wanted you to know in case you thought about it in the future. -I just wanted you to know in case you thought about it in the future. Do we have a future? -Hello, Peter. You played an interesting game last night. Even though sacrificing your Queen at b-5 is the game I played against Valsney in '82. I'm glad it helped you. I'm sure you are. -I'm sure you are. No, I want you to do good. That way when I beat you at the end I'll look that much better. -No, I want you to do good. That way when I beat you at the end I'll look that much better. You're getting sloppy, Yurilivich. You're nervous? -You're getting sloppy, Yurilivich. You're nervous? I'm not nervous. -I'm not nervous. Well, you should be, because this time I'm going to win. -Well, you should be, because this time I'm going to win. Well, then this time you'll have to stay for the whole match, won't you? -I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I don't have to go through with it either. -I don't have to go through with it either. You don't understand. I'm just so relieved. I was sure you'd turn out to be short and fat and gimpy. -You don't understand. I'm just so relieved. I was sure you'd turn out to be short and fat and gimpy. Oh. That. I know what you mean. I had nightmares all week. -Oh. That. I know what you mean. I had nightmares all week. Me too. -Me too. Last night was the worst. I dreamt you had one leg shorter than the other, and walked like a penguin. -Last night was the worst. I dreamt you had one leg shorter than the other, and walked like a penguin. Mine was worse: I dreamt you picked your nose in public. -Mine was worse: I dreamt you picked your nose in public. That's worse. -That's worse. You're really not bad looking. Almost handsome. -You're really not bad looking. Almost handsome. Well, you're beautiful. -Well, you're beautiful. You might be handsome. I can't tell through all that grime. Besides, you reek of sweat and horses. -You might be handsome. I can't tell through all that grime. Besides, you reek of sweat and horses. If you're going to marry a warrior, you'd best get used to it. -If you're going to marry a warrior, you'd best get used to it. I have no intention of getting used to it. -Take off your clothes. I'm going to scrub you down. What? -What? We're almost married. -We're almost married. We're not married yet. -We're not married yet. Well, then you can go up to the parapet and I'll hand the buckets up to you. -I don't trust you to wash behind your ears. Never mind my ears! Go away! -There. Now you look like someone I might want to marry. Maybe you'd better look around for another candidate. I don't think my skin is tough enough to survive a lifetime of you and your brush. -Maybe you'd better look around for another candidate. I don't think my skin is tough enough to survive a lifetime of you and your brush. I don't have to look around. I've found the husband I want. You can kiss me now. -I don't have to look around. I've found the husband I want. You can kiss me now. Thank you, but I can wait. -Thank you, but I can wait. I can't. -I lied. About what? -About what? I can't wait either. -Lyssa ... Lyssa ... Colwyn. -Have they harmed you? No. They watch me closely, but they haven't harmed me. -Lyssa. Where are they keeping you? In a great fortress in the mountains. Wait. Something's happening. -Lyssa ... Colwyn ... -Colwyn ... Where is the Fortress? -Where is the Fortress? I don't know. It's a maze of tunnels. I can't see out. -I don't know. It's a maze of tunnels. I can't see out. I will find you. I will be with you. -I will find you. I will be with you. I know it. -I know it. I love you, Lyssa, I love you ... -I love you, Lyssa, I love you ... Colwyn. Colwyn. I love you, Colwyn. -Colwyn ... You must move away from the Center. -You must move away from the Center. All the passages are guarded. -Will your power outward. I don't know how. -I don't know how. You have the power. Will it. -Take the western passage. All directions are the same here. -Yes. Move quickly. We are coming for you. We are in the Fortress. -Move quickly. We are coming for you. We are in the Fortress. I knew you would come. -Lyssa ... Come quickly, Colwyn. I can see the eyes of the Beast. -In the Arctic ice. That way. I can feel the cold. -That's a better one. Yes. -You'll both wait. At least for five hours. The wedding is at three. It was a platonic kiss, Father. -It was a platonic kiss, Father. Of course it was. -They have Lyssa! You can't reach her! Through the door. Quickly! -You will go alone. I won't leave you here. -I won't leave you here. You will do as I tell you. You will try to reach Ynyr, the old one. -You will do as I tell you. You will try to reach Ynyr, the old one. I must follow the Slayers. They've taken Lyssa. -I must follow the Slayers. They've taken Lyssa. You will not follow the Slayers, you will obey my command! You have no chance alone, boy. You must try to break through to Ynyr. He has great knowledge. Only with his help can you save Lyssa. -The White Castle has fallen. Does the Queen live? -Does the Queen live? The new Queen lives. -The new Queen lives. Turold's son was to marry her. -Turold's son was to marry her. We were married. Then she was taken by the Slayers. You must help me. -We were married. Then she was taken by the Slayers. You must help me. I have lived in this place, like my fathers before me, guarding the old knowledge. I knew, when I had no son, that the Great War would come in my time, and that I would be the one to pass on the old knowledge to a new king. Come. -This is not the first time the Dark Ones have attacked our world. They came once before, a thousand years ago. A young king and queen, with extraordinary powers, were given to us then, to lead the struggle. My fore-father was their Councilor, as I will be yours. I have no extraordinary powers. -I have no extraordinary powers. Your powers are greater than you know. Have you ever seen one of these? -Your powers are greater than you know. Have you ever seen one of these? In the old books. It's called a glaive. -With two or three days' practice, you'll be able to use it as well as I can. Then we'll have a chance of fighting our way out of here. Two or three days! While Lyssa is in their hands? -Two or three days! While Lyssa is in their hands? There is no other way. -There is no other way. But there is another entrance to this place. -But it opens onto the sheer wall of the Needle. There's no way down. You have rope? -You have rope? I am too old to climb down a rope. -I am too old to climb down a rope. You won't have to. -There is nothing. Reach out farther. Call to her. -Reach out farther. Call to her. Lyssa ... Lyssa ... -You must break when the strain becomes too great, or you will harm yourself. And you must concentrate your powers for when they are needed most. What did she answer? She was in a great fortress, first in the mountains, then in the jungle. How is that possible? -She was in a great fortress, first in the mountains, then in the jungle. How is that possible? It is the Fortress of Krull. I know it only from the stories of wars on other worlds. They did not use it on our world in the first great war, for it costs them enormous power. This time they mean to conquer, at all costs. -It is the Fortress of Krull. I know it only from the stories of wars on other worlds. They did not use it on our world in the first great war, for it costs them enormous power. This time they mean to conquer, at all costs. The Fortress moves? -The Fortress moves? Yes. Each dawn it rises in a different land: sometimes in the mountains, sometimes in the jungle, sometimes the desert, sometimes the sea. Never in the same place twice. -Yes. Each dawn it rises in a different land: sometimes in the mountains, sometimes in the jungle, sometimes the desert, sometimes the sea. Never in the same place twice. Then even if Lyssa tells us where she is, we'll never be able to reach her, for they will never allow the Fortress to rise near us. -Then even if Lyssa tells us where she is, we'll never be able to reach her, for they will never allow the Fortress to rise near us. No. They occupy the Fortress, but they cannot control its movement. It is moved by Fate. And, sooner or later, Fate will place it near us. -No. They occupy the Fortress, but they cannot control its movement. It is moved by Fate. And, sooner or later, Fate will place it near us. Then we must be ready. Five leagues from here is the Eastern Tower. I know the Barons who hold it. Good men, and brave. They will help us. -Then we must be ready. Five leagues from here is the Eastern Tower. I know the Barons who hold it. Good men, and brave. They will help us. You have not slept in two days. -You have not slept in two days. Nor will I, till my bride is beside me. -You choose these? Yes. They will be more help than high-born barons. -They know when they're going to die? Everyone of his race is born knowing the day of his death. -I can't reach her. What do you see? -What do you see? Darkness. Tunnels and corridors. Wait. -She can't see out. She can't tell us where the Fortress is. Yes, they knew of your first contact, so they drove her below. -Yes, they knew of your first contact, so they drove her below. She was very faint. I was barely able to reach her. -She was very faint. I was barely able to reach her. The deeper she goes, the harder it is to contact her. Once she is below the second level, you will not be able to reach her at all. -The deeper she goes, the harder it is to contact her. Once she is below the second level, you will not be able to reach her at all. I will find her! -I cannot reach her. She is too deep. The curved tunnel we saw is part of the Vortex, the place of The Beast. -The first time, when they attacked long ago, was The Beast here? No. Then they were led by his underlings. But I knew he had come this time, from the ferocity of their onslaught, from their use of The Fortress. They use up much of their strength to do these things. They are taking great risks. -No. Then they were led by his underlings. But I knew he had come this time, from the ferocity of their onslaught, from their use of The Fortress. They use up much of their strength to do these things. They are taking great risks. Why? -Why? I'm not sure. -I'm not sure. But you suspect. -But you suspect. You will know, in good time. -No. We will find another way to locate the Fortress. There is no other way. You asked me why the Beast had come this time. -There is no other way. You asked me why the Beast had come this time. Yes. -Yes. He has come for Lyssa. -He has come for Lyssa. Lyssa? Why? -Lyssa? Why? Like you, she has extraordinary powers. He would make her his Queen. -Like you, she has extraordinary powers. He would make her his Queen. Can she be forced? -Can she be forced? No. She must agree of her own free will. -No. She must agree of her own free will. Never. -Never. You are young. You don't understand the attraction of great power, and you forget the pain of long waiting. -You are young. You don't understand the attraction of great power, and you forget the pain of long waiting. Then we must reach her before she feels that pain. -Then we must reach her before she feels that pain. Yes. -Traitor! She'll marry you in hell! He thinks you betray him with Lyssa. Colwyn! The waters deceive you! -I will melt that gold and pour it down your throat, old man! He sees betrayal everywhere. He will attack us so long as he is conscious. -From here, I must go alone. You will tell me her name and we will go together. -You will tell me her name and we will go together. You must never know her name. If more than one approaches, she will certainly kill them. Alone I may have a chance. -He ran a great risk, helping us today. If he opposes his fate, his death will be terribly painful. Let us wish him peace. -They will hold Lyssa in the Center of the Vortex, the place of the Beast, where its power is greatest. No man can match it there. Lyssa must try to move toward us. For as we enter the Vortex and move closer ... The Beast will kill her. -The Beast will kill her. Yes. To keep her from you. But now that we are inside the Fortress, you will be able to contact her. -She must make a glaive. Lyssa, your bracelets. Bend them straight and cross them. -The spiral begins in the west. Where the spiral begins. -She's on the other side of this wall. I can feel it! I chose the wrong passage. -I chose the wrong passage. She can see the Beast! -She can see the Beast! Use your sword. -Use your sword. What use is my sword? I can't reach her! -What use is my sword? I can't reach her! Cut. Cut! -You must move quickly. The Beast will stop at nothing now. You're coming with us. -You're coming with us. It is my fate to die in the Fortress. -It is my fate to die in the Fortress. No! You cannot know that! -No! You cannot know that! I can. Because I choose it. -I can. Because I choose it. I forbid you! -How did you know? I found the body of the Seer in the stream. -Slayers! We must enter the swamp. -Do not let the waters touch you. What will happen? -They can be saddled. You have done it? -You have done it? I road them often in my youth. -I road them often in my youth. Saddles. -It is today? Yes. It is today. -Each to his fate. Each to his fate. -I know the cruelty of such a fate. Perhaps you think no man would return to me. -Perhaps you think no man would return to me. I don't think that. -Am I not worth returning to? Yes. -Yes. Am I not beautiful enough to be loved? -Am I not beautiful enough to be loved? Yes. -Yes. Even by you? -Even by you? Yes. -You too are lonely. I ache with it. -I ache with it. Let me comfort you. -Let me comfort you. I cannot take comfort when she has none. -I cannot take comfort when she has none. Then give me comfort. Sleep with me tonight. -Then give me comfort. Sleep with me tonight. I cannot betray my bride. -I cannot betray my bride. One night is no betrayal. Have pity on me. Please, I beg you, do not refuse me. You do not know the price. -I feel your pain, but I cannot betray her. You will not, then? -You will not, then? I cannot. -Help! Help! I'm drowning! I doubt it. The water is only an inch deep. -I doubt it. The water is only an inch deep. It could have been quicksand! I might have been sucked to my death. Where is this place? -It could have been quicksand! I might have been sucked to my death. Where is this place? A forest near the Valley of Needles. -A forest near the Valley of Needles. Blast! A thousand miles off course. Well, I was rushed. There was a certain difference of opinion concerning a venison pie. The foolish man left it sitting on his windowsill. What did he expect? -Blast! A thousand miles off course. Well, I was rushed. There was a certain difference of opinion concerning a venison pie. The foolish man left it sitting on his windowsill. What did he expect? Perhaps he expected to eat it. -Perhaps he expected to eat it. For that rudeness, peasant lout, I am going to leave you hanging by your heels when I depart. Which is right now. -I just remembered I have urgent business in this direction. What business? -What business? Staying alive. -Once is enough, thank you. He saved our lives. -Your kingship ... your lord high mightiness ... when I called you a ... a ... whatever I called you, I didn't realize that you were ... were ... I was hoping I might be your friend. -I was hoping I might be your friend. My friend. -My friend. I have need of friends. -I have need of friends. No more, my lord - my friend. With Ergo the Magnificent by your side, your enemies are dead men. -Not yet, my friend. It's your tomato that's dying. What? Oh no! Better it was me. There isn't another good tomato within a hundred leagues. -Try your tricks on me and I'll turn myself back into a snake and bite you. You and I will guard the fire. -You and I will guard the fire. What else is left for a man without friends. -I don't think you'll grow careless. Smart as well as quick. Now what do you have to give us? -Smart as well as quick. Now what do you have to give us? Fame. -Fame. Fame? Thank you, no. Fame is the burial ground of contentment. Eat it and go hungry; count it and go broke; seek it and grow mad. Fame is what fools yearn for and wise men shun. -Fame? Thank you, no. Fame is the burial ground of contentment. Eat it and go hungry; count it and go broke; seek it and grow mad. Fame is what fools yearn for and wise men shun. Fame is what you leave to your sons. -Fame is what you leave to your sons. How did you know I had sons? -How did you know I had sons? Because you would not rob if you had no children to provide for. -Because you would not rob if you had no children to provide for. Hah! You don't know me, boy. -Hah! You don't know me, boy. I know you. -They stand at the edge of the grave and make jokes. Do you know who I am, sprout? I am Torquil, Lord of the forest. My men follow no man but me, and I follow no man at all. You will follow me. -You will follow me. And in the few seconds before I dice you to crow-food, tell me why I am going to follow you. -And in the few seconds before I dice you to crow-food, tell me why I am going to follow you. So your sons will speak of you to your grandsons, and your grandsons to their grandsons. -And where do you lead, boy? To the place where Death lives. -To the place where Death lives. It should be an interesting journey, then. -It should be an interesting journey, then. That I promise you. -That I promise you. I compel no man to follow me on this journey. -When did you last sleep, boy? I'm all right. -They burn many villages. Even walled cities fall to them. Why do they burn the villages? There's nothing to gain. -I'm not hungry. Not sleepy, either? -Not sleepy, either? No. -Forgive me. It's childish to cry. Those are not child's tear. A child cries for himself, a man cries for those he loves. -Well, I'm not impressed. I knew you would not be. That's why I chose you. -You've eaten nothing. We must try to get horses. -We must try to get horses. Yes. It will double our range. I know at least a dozen ways to get horses. All cheap. -Yes. It will double our range. I know at least a dozen ways to get horses. All cheap. These we'll pay for. -These we'll pay for. Lad, you have an unnatural desire to pay for things. It stunts the mind and shrivels the imagination. -Lad, you have an unnatural desire to pay for things. It stunts the mind and shrivels the imagination. Hand over your dinner. -Hand over your dinner. A flicker of talent. -Forgive me, my friends. I saw terrible things. They do not exist, except in the waters of the Swamp, where they will remain. -Go, join them. What kind of friend do you think I am? -What kind of friend do you think I am? The best. But my unhappiness is not made lighter by adding your's to it. -The best. But my unhappiness is not made lighter by adding your's to it. Well, it is true that if I received a royal command I couldn't very well disobey it, could I? -Well, it is true that if I received a royal command I couldn't very well disobey it, could I? Go. I command you. -Go. I command you. Yes, my lord. -We could reach it on fire-mares. Those beasts cannot be saddled by mortal men. -We must cover a hundred leagues before sunrise. At the gallop! -You're resourceful, my lad. I tell you, one year under my tutelage and I could make you the Prince of Thieves. Subject to the King, no doubt. -Subject to the King, no doubt. Naturally. -A good thrust, my friend. Another second and there'd have been nothing between my head and shoulders but bad memories. I intend to keep you alive, your majesty. So you can abdicate your throne and become my Warlord. -I intend to keep you alive, your majesty. So you can abdicate your throne and become my Warlord. Perhaps. If the pay is good. -Make for the wall. I'll catch up. Colwyn, don't be a fool. You can't do battle with that thing. -Colwyn, don't be a fool. You can't do battle with that thing. There's no way to outrun it. You know that. This is what Ynyr was preparing me for. It's what he died for. -Nothing worse than lower-class boors with upper-class morals. Would you settle for a boar? -Would you settle for a boar? A boar? Those incompetent louts couldn't catch a piglet, much less a boar. -You! Me. May I eat with you tonight? -Me. May I eat with you tonight? Tonight and every night, my friend, for this is the second time you've saved my life. I am Ergo the Magnificent, short in stature, tall in power, etcetera, etcetera. -Tonight and every night, my friend, for this is the second time you've saved my life. I am Ergo the Magnificent, short in stature, tall in power, etcetera, etcetera. I am Quell. -What is that awful looking place? The Swamp of Betrayal. Be glad we don't have to cross it. -The Swamp of Betrayal. Be glad we don't have to cross it. I'm glad. I'm very glad. -Where are you going? We'll meet you at the inn. -We'll meet you at the inn. Can't I come, too? -Can't I come, too? No. -A venison pie as big as a house. A small house. -A small house. And what do you think a small person lives in, you one-eyed fool? Leaving me here to mope while you and the boy were arranging my assassination. -Quell? I cannot go with you, my friend. -My heart stays here. And mine goes with you. -Bread is for peasants, and wine makes me sneeze. Got any gumdrops? No. -No. Sugarballs? -Sugarballs? No. -No. What kind of a boy are you? Boys always have candy. -What kind of a boy are you? Boys always have candy. I have a cinnamon bar. -I have a cinnamon bar. You do? -You do? You can have half. -I am Ergo the Magnificent ... ... short in stature ... ... tall in power ... ... narrow of purpose ... ... wide of vision. I ... ... am Titch. -I'm hungry. Smart lad. Bring me my spices! -If I could wish ... ... for anything, I'd wish for a venison pie the size of a ... ... mountain. No, that's too greedy. I'd settle for one the size of a house. I'd wish for a puppy. -I'd wish for a puppy. One puppy? Why not wish for a hundred? -One puppy? Why not wish for a hundred? I only want one. -I only want one. A foolish wish. And you, Quell? -Sir Ergo? ... My honorable Lord Ergo? ... First, you desert me, and now you mock me. Go back to your one-eyed friend. -What? Now you poke me in the nose as well? I don't think it's working. -I don't think it's working. Not working? This nose? This nose works day and night. This nose has never loafed an hour in its life. This nose ... What? Impossible. This nose asleep while venison fills the air? Where is it, boy? Tell me where it is and I forgive you everything. -Not working? This nose? This nose works day and night. This nose has never loafed an hour in its life. This nose ... What? Impossible. This nose asleep while venison fills the air? Where is it, boy? Tell me where it is and I forgive you everything. It's right behind you. -We meant only to please you. And do you think I'm not going to eat myself to death this very night? Huh? -Oh, she was so beautiful - and I was so ugly. Would you desert your friends? -Would you desert your friends? No, no. I'm with you, boy. -But also very young. Six to one is no odds, boy. Get me down from here you louts or I'll turn you all into pigs! -Put me down, you lout! You had better manners as a pig. -You had better manners as a pig. I am Ergo the Magnificent, and I do not travel with thieves and robbers. -What are you doing with my dear? Stop! Thieves! Many villagers are hiding in the forest. They need food. -Many villagers are hiding in the forest. They need food. And do you think I live on air? -And do you think I live on air? We have plenty of hares. -We have plenty of hares. Food for crows. -Food for crows. Surely a sorcerer of the sauce pan can make rabbit taste like venison. -Surely a sorcerer of the sauce pan can make rabbit taste like venison. I am being exploited! Where are you going? -I am being exploited! Where are you going? I must take the old man to see some sick children. Kegan will guard you. -Oh, my poor stew! Oh, my poor stomach. -Passable, pimple, very passable. The greatest boon of your otherwise worthless life, blockhead, is the privilege of dining on boar roasted by the hand of Ergo the Magnificent. -The greatest boon of your otherwise worthless life, blockhead, is the privilege of dining on boar roasted by the hand of Ergo the Magnificent. Your boast is a bigger mouthful than your roast, Magnificence. -I can't hold the weight of both of you! Hush! -Look at its beauty. Look at its grace. Look at its insides. -Look at its insides. No! Not yet! Let me hug it and kiss it a little. Let me run my fingers over its lovely skin. Let me climb to the top and sing to it. -My spells always go wrong when I am observed. Be gone! The forest is not safe these days. You'd best travel with us. -The forest is not safe these days. You'd best travel with us. Me? Travel with you? I am Ergo the Magnificent ... ... short in stature ... ... tall in power ... ... narrow of purpose ... ... wide of vision. And I do not travel with peasants and beggars. Goodbye! -One with red eyes, the other with one eye, both trying to kill me. The one with red eyes was a Dark One, the other was a Cyclops, and it was not you he meant to kill. -The one with red eyes was a Dark One, the other was a Cyclops, and it was not you he meant to kill. He was aiming a huge spear right at me! -He was aiming a huge spear right at me! If that were so, you'd be dead now. He was aiming at the Dark One, for there is ancient hatred between them. Once his race had two eyes, like other men, until his forefathers bargained with the Dark Ones: they gave up one of their eyes in return for the power to see the future. But they were cheated, for the only future they were permitted to see was the time of their own death. -He didn't join them. They joined him. And who is he that they should join him? -And who is he that they should join him? He is the King. -He is the King. Well, at least I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor. That's the first smile I've seen on that gloomy face of your's ... ... isn't it? It isn't. Oh no. Oh dear. Oh now I've gone and done it. -They'll trample him to death! No. He will master the leader. -I do not want your power. It is hideous. You know nothing of power, you foolish girl. You think power is a mighty sword, or a strong castle, or the paltry magic of an Emerald Seer. Power is none of these. -I do not want your worlds or your slaves. Then look! -It's a lie! These walls do not lie! He will betray you. -These walls do not lie! He will betray you. He will not! -He will not! Then he will die! -He will come for me. He will not come. You will be my queen. -What news from our friends? Barak is still strong in the north, and Tendo holds the high passes. But the great desert forts have fallen. -Barak is still strong in the north, and Tendo holds the high passes. But the great desert forts have fallen. Freylag's stronghold? -Freylag's stronghold? It has been taken, Freylag and all his people slaughtered. -It has been taken, Freylag and all his people slaughtered. It is only a few weeks and already half our strong places have fallen. -It is only a few weeks and already half our strong places have fallen. The attacks are unceasing: by night, the Dark Ones; by day, those of our people who have sold themselves to them, those traitors who are called the Slayers. -The attacks are unceasing: by night, the Dark Ones; by day, those of our people who have sold themselves to them, those traitors who are called the Slayers. It is the way of all invaders. Those they would conquer they divide, buying allies with promises of land and power. -It is the way of all invaders. Those they would conquer they divide, buying allies with promises of land and power. We will hold. Their power is not unlimited. -Lord Rowan is one of Lyssa's godfathers. He will defend her in the ceremony. I wish that Lord Modred were here. He is a godfather of her own blood. Modred has treated with the Dark Ones. -For some, the lure of power is stronger than the ties of blood. No matter. I had hoped to have the wedding next spring, Lord Turold, with all the nobles of the kingdom in attendance. But Fate and this war have ordained otherwise. It is important to assure the succession. -It is important to assure the succession. Yes. -I will tell you something you did not know, Turold. Had it been my choice, all those years ago, I would have chosen you for my king. But my parents chose otherwise. I knew. -I knew. You knew! You are a rude bumpkin! -You knew! You are a rude bumpkin! That I am, my lady. -A girl of some spirit, your daughter. A match for your son, I think. -A match for your son, I think. A fine match. -A fine match. They will have the life that you and I might have had. -You were attacked in the forest? Yes. We lost five. -Yes. We lost five. You were lucky. I lost thirty there. -I tried to reach Ynyr, the old one. I led a hundred men to his place in Granite Needle, but it was surrounded. The Dark Ones guard it by night and by day they call out the Slayers. Ynyr cannot get out and no one can get in. How many did you lose? -How many did you lose? Sixty at the needle, another thirty in the forest. Only ten of us made it back. -Sixty at the needle, another thirty in the forest. Only ten of us made it back. We will have to try again. His knowledge is great. Without it, we cannot hope to win. -Modred! Impossible! He leads a group of Slayers, under the leopard banner. -We seek the Fortress of Krull. Such a vision will be opposed. Who seeks it? -Such a vision will be opposed. Who seeks it? The new King. -The new King. With an old voice? -With an old voice? You know the voice. -You know the voice. Yes. You have left your place in the Needle. It is the time, then. -Yes. You have left your place in the Needle. It is the time, then. It is the time. -It is the time. I will seek the Fortress for you. -Can you see? Yes. It is the Western Ocean. -The Dark Ones will appose you with all their power. They will fail for, during the day, the power of the Circle is greater than theirs. Only at night can they pierce the Circle. -Knowledge I wouldn't want. No. They are sad, solitary creatures, rarely seen. -We'll seek an Emerald Seer. They have great powers of vision. There's an Emerald Circle a few leagues from here. We'll find her. -We can save half a day by crossing the Stone Lake. Many have perished in that maze. -Many have perished in that maze. No maze to me, my fried. It is where we take refuge when they hunt us. -The leader of the Dark Ones? Yes. Like you, a King. A King of many worlds. All enslaved. -I must go to the widow. Perhaps she will help. The Widow of the Web? -The Widow of the Web? Yes. -Yes. That creature helps no one. And none who go there return. -That creature helps no one. And none who go there return. She has the power of vision. -She has the power of vision. She has the power to kill. -She has the power to kill. Perhaps she will not kill me, for I know her name. -Perhaps she will not kill me, for I know her name. Her name is Death. -Her name is Death. She had another name once. -Few have survived it. Fewer will survive them. -Each to his fate, lad. Each to his fate. Wait for me at the inn. If I am not back by dawn, you will know my fate, and you must go on without me. -We must reach the Valley of Reeds before the next dawn. It's a hundred leagues from here. -I'll stay behind and keep them busy. It is not necessary. They will not follow. -Look. Yes, they are weakening. It takes great power to maintain the Fortress, and they have expended much. -Kegan! It is too late. He has drunk. -Go now. Quell was wise. He knew that a man cannot ask more of his death than it help his friends. That is true. -Who speaks that name! Ynyr! -It is fifty years since I heard that name. It is fifty years since I spoke it to you. -It is fifty years since I spoke it to you. I was beautiful then. -I was beautiful then. The most beautiful woman in the world. -The most beautiful woman in the world. But you would not stay with me. -But you would not stay with me. Could not. Could not betray the girl to whom I was betrothed. -Could not. Could not betray the girl to whom I was betrothed. She was not as beautiful. -She was not as beautiful. No, she was not as beautiful. -No, she was not as beautiful. She bore you many children? -She bore you many children? We had no children. -We had no children. You had a son. -You had a son. You said nothing. You told me nothing. -You said nothing. You told me nothing. You had left me! I kept silent out of rage. -You had left me! I kept silent out of rage. Where is he? My son. -Where is he? My son. I killed him when he was born. This place is my punishment. -Do not try your trickery on me! It is no trickery. -It is no trickery. Those are reflections. This is my face! -You see? Yes. -Memory is no trick, it is a power. The power to see. Power you have given me. What can my power give you? -Power you have given me. What can my power give you? Knowledge. -Knowledge. Of what? -Of what? The Fortress of Krull. When will it come near here? -The Fortress of Krull. When will it come near here? Why must you know? -Why must you know? There is a girl there. Her name is Lyssa. -There is a girl there. Her name is Lyssa. You lie! -You lie! Could I lie to you and still see your beauty? -Could I lie to you and still see your beauty? No. -No. A young man seeks her. A young man about the age I was when I met you. -A young man seeks her. A young man about the age I was when I met you. Tomorrow, the Fortress of Krull will rise with the sun in the Valley of Reeds. But the knowledge is of no use to you. No man has ever escaped the Web. And soon the creature will come for you, even here. -It will not help. Then the other Lyssa will share your fate. She will grow old in the Fortress as you have grown old here. -I cannot stop the sand. You cannot stop time. Go now, before it runs out. -You cannot stop time. Go now, before it runs out. You will come with me. -You will come with me. There is sand enough for only one life. Go now, save the other. -What's that man's name? Why do you want to know? -Why do you want to know? He forgot his money... My mother's got a pub, behind the corner, and he forgot his money, about 100$. -He forgot his money... My mother's got a pub, behind the corner, and he forgot his money, about 100$. Huh? I see, but this is the FBI, little girl, and I can't let you in. But if you leave me his money, I'll give him it myself. -Give me his name, I will mail him. OK. Mister Stansfield, Norman STANSFIELD. -OK. Mister Stansfield, Norman STANSFIELD. ...Office 2702. -...Office 2702. Yeah... How do you know it? -Yeah... How do you know it? ...I heard he said... That's all... Thanks. -Yeah, pal! And I didn't say anything, I said I don't know you. But do you know what did she say, that stupid Raphaella? No? -No? She told them you wanted her things and that she wasn't surprised police looked for you! Can you believe it?! -She told them you wanted her things and that she wasn't surprised police looked for you! Can you believe it?! Asshole. But she won't miss anything, that. You'll see. -Asshole. But she won't miss anything, that. You'll see. Good, what are you going to do? Do you come back? -Good, what are you going to do? Do you come back? No... I can't... I got tired. I want to live my way. -YEAH! I was sure! Come on, tell me! I know him? No. -No. Come on, shit, tell me! Is he beautiful? -"I can't believe it! ""Yes I think""... How she kids me! I can't believe it! And did he pass your threshold or not?" ...What? -...What? Well... Did you sleep with him or not? -Well... Did you sleep with him or not? No... Not yet. He's very shy... and very sensitive. -No... Not yet. He's very shy... and very sensitive. ...Good... But what's special in him? -...Good... But what's special in him? ...I don't know... It's true he touches me. I love him. -...You moved too, didn't you? Yeah. -Yeah. Huh!? Because of the slaughter at your same floor? -Huh!? Because of the slaughter at your same floor? ...Not at all. -...Not at all. It's better... You see, it's my turf, so I don't want contracts I'm not informed about, on my turf. I'm not opposing, but the least they can do is informing me, isn't it? -It's better... You see, it's my turf, so I don't want contracts I'm not informed about, on my turf. I'm not opposing, but the least they can do is informing me, isn't it? Yes. -At a certain moment I thought: maybe Leon would like working on his own? So he makes some little extras? Dirty work, and I kill no women and no kids. -Dirty work, and I kill no women and no kids. That's what I later told myself! No, Tony, forget Leon! It can't be him, he likes too much his job to make such a slaughter! -Tell me... The money I earn and you keep for me... Do you need money? -Do you need money? No... Just to know... Because it's a long time I work... And I never did anything with my money... I should do something. -No, no. Pay attention to women, Leon. They are dangerous, you know? -Pay attention to women, Leon. They are dangerous, you know? Yeah... Well... I don't know.. I don't know any. -Yeah... Well... I don't know.. I don't know any. Listen, think about what you want to do, but don't worry, your money is there and it's safer than in a bank... Banks are robbed every five minutes! -Why can't I have a bank account? I'll explain you, Leon: they'll ask you to fill in a lot of forms and you can't write and they'll ask you your job, your employer's name and you can't tell them: My job, I'm a hitman and my employer is Tony, his record is longer than his resturant's menu. That's why you can't have a bank account! -Take... Well, I don't need them... -Well, I don't need them... Take them, you never know... If you want to have some fun. Take, it's a gift. -OK, I'm fine. Good. -Here, this is the light scoop for night shooting. There, you fix client's distance... How much to the bench down there in the park? Huh... 500 meters? -Huh... 500 meters? 130... 140... -130... 140... How can you say it? -How can you say it? Look. When you can see his fingers, it's 50 meters. When you just see his hands, it's about 80 meters. When you distinguish arms from body, it's 120-130. When you see nothing more than a shape, you don't shoot. Not very sure. You have one chance out of five to miss. A contract means getting all chances on your side. 5 out of 5. You can't miss a client. Never... If the task is delicate or the risk is too big, you double. That is, you insure yourself by another means. -Look. When you can see his fingers, it's 50 meters. When you just see his hands, it's about 80 meters. When you distinguish arms from body, it's 120-130. When you see nothing more than a shape, you don't shoot. Not very sure. You have one chance out of five to miss. A contract means getting all chances on your side. 5 out of 5. You can't miss a client. Never... If the task is delicate or the risk is too big, you double. That is, you insure yourself by another means. What, for example? -What, for example? Well, if the guy is far, in a car, and I know weather is going to be bad, rain for example, I think I would plastic the car, with a remote here. I shoot from the distance and if I miss I plastic. -Well, if the guy is far, in a car, and I know weather is going to be bad, rain for example, I think I would plastic the car, with a remote here. I shoot from the distance and if I miss I plastic. What if you can't approach the car or he changes car? -Rocket launcher. Oh really? But can you miss the car? -Wow! It's brilliant! Yeah... Come on, have a little training. -Who'll I aim at? Whoever. -The fat man down there, on the bench. Perfect. -Good! First shot! Yeah, but I didn't get him, I got his case and now he's behind the tree. What can I do? -Yeah, but I didn't get him, I got his case and now he's behind the tree. What can I do? It's not serious, it's just training. You have to learn from the beginning to hit the target, then, to improve precision, you'll train, but on cardboards. -It's not serious, it's just training. You have to learn from the beginning to hit the target, then, to improve precision, you'll train, but on cardboards. OK. -OK. Now, try a running guy. -The yellow and pink. OK. -What's up? I don't feel you're concentrated. Yes, yes... -It's incredible! How did you do it? What? -What? There, the guy... How did you do that, without even touching him? Without noise. It's like you put him away... How did you do it? -Five minutes. Keep in front of the window. OK. -Come on, get down! You were scared, weren't you? -You were scared, weren't you? I was nervous, that's all! Where is the guy? -I was nervous, that's all! Where is the guy? I killed him... and cut him and ate all of him... I left nothing for you! -It's strange, being in love... It's the first time for me... How do you know it's love, if you've never been in love before?... It may be friendship... or the love you can have with a brother or a father... How can you know? -How do you know it's love, if you've never been in love before?... It may be friendship... or the love you can have with a brother or a father... How can you know? ...Because I feel it. -Mathilda? May I come in? Yes. -Why don't you take me with you?... I'm ready, now. You said I learn very quickly. "Quick doesn't mean ""ready"". And you can't discuss, we said. Right?" -May I go to the cinema? No. -No. For musicals? That's part of the job! -For musicals? That's part of the job! No, you can't go out. -You see, five minutes ago you said you loved me and now you hate me... but I prefer this! I hate you because you depart without kissing me. That's all. -...You can leave whenever you want. I don't refrain you. ...This is what I don't like, you see: you don't refrain me, but at the same time I can't get out! -Not taken. Why? -Why? Too heavy. -Well... Then may you rent me your gear for the day? I never rent my gear. -If you knew, Leon...! I killed one thousand in my head... And this never disturbed my sleep. OK... And if it's you who gets killed? ...Then? Talking about other people's death is easy, but what about yours? She's here! She moves around you, and can get you in a thousandth of second. Because it was your day, your hour, your second... -It's true... But a first contract, it's an exception. And... May I kiss you, like in the movies, may this be an exception? -...I'm going to kiss you. Mathilda, stop, please! -Stop. Everyone is looking. Of course, so kiss me quickly, or they'll notice us. -...You don't believe me, don't you? What? -What? When I say I love you. -When I say I love you. Mathilda, don't resume, please. ....Change subject, OK? -Mathilda, don't resume, please. ....Change subject, OK? ...OK. I love you anyway. -...OK. I love you anyway. Mathilda?! -Mathilda?! OK, OK! Excuse me! How old were you when you had your first contract? -OK, OK! Excuse me! How old were you when you had your first contract? ...17. -...Shit!! We'd found him. We waited for him to get upstairs and he got out of the window. What shall we do? -What shall we do? I think. -Where are you going? Piddle. She smiles and looks for the bathroom. She finds it and is going to go in when she sees the head of a man in the bath, walkman on. She withholds a shout and gets against the wall, without moving. She doesn't dare passing before the open door again to join Leon. In the living room, Leon still thinks. -Piddle. She smiles and looks for the bathroom. She finds it and is going to go in when she sees the head of a man in the bath, walkman on. She withholds a shout and gets against the wall, without moving. She doesn't dare passing before the open door again to join Leon. In the living room, Leon still thinks. ...Why didn't he close the window? -It's cool departing this way... warm... music... "There are better things. You see the importance of the ""moment"". Ten minutes early or late, he'd have seen death. He'd have suffered it. This way, he already departed. Without knowing." -"There are better things. You see the importance of the ""moment"". Ten minutes early or late, he'd have seen death. He'd have suffered it. This way, he already departed. Without knowing." ...I'd like knowing what he's listening to... -...I'd like knowing what he's listening to... ...Later. -Mathilda, hadn't you told that bullshit to the receptionist, we'd still be in the hotel, I make you notice. That wasn't bullshit, I said we love each other. -That wasn't bullshit, I said we love each other. Yeah!... Anyway, I don't like hotels. Too much people, everyone's got the key... I don't like it. -...I prefer apartments... Furthermore, there are always kids in a building. What about getting some friends? Friends? You're crazy! In my building, before, they just cared drugs all day and you couldn't get one, or they just cared video games and you couldn't get one, no more. -Friends? You're crazy! In my building, before, they just cared drugs all day and you couldn't get one, or they just cared video games and you couldn't get one, no more. You're darkening the picture, aren't you? -You're darkening the picture, aren't you? A little... -A little... Is there a normal 13 or 14 year old boy? -Is there a normal 13 or 14 year old boy? Yeah... There's a lot on TV. -It's too big. Yeah... I'm just good for left-overs! -Risky business, isn't it? ...You're young, Mathilda... You still have a chance to get out. You can't give up this chance. You have to protect it. There's a lot of things to do in life, a lot of other jobs... -...You're young, Mathilda... You still have a chance to get out. You can't give up this chance. You have to protect it. There's a lot of things to do in life, a lot of other jobs... There are just two things I'm interested in: love and death. For the moment, I have none of the two! -Mathilda... There's equally a lot of other things! Huh, really? What? Come on, I'm waiting! -No, excuse me... It's the yogurt that made me laugh. You've just to love me and I'll be the happiest woman around. -You've just to love me and I'll be the happiest woman around. Yeah, I know! But for the moment you're not yet a woman. So, be patient... I need time... And you too. You have to grow up. -Yeah, I know! But for the moment you're not yet a woman. So, be patient... I need time... And you too. You have to grow up. I don't grow up any more. I just get older. -I'm here, I'll never leave you again, Mathilda, never. I swear. I love you so much, Leon. -I love you so much, Leon. I love you too, and I don't want to lose you. -Poor darling, and then? Well... I proposed them to play roulette... Like we played... ...And I lost. -Well... I don't know, suddenly, the make up... All this... How are you? Are you OK? Of course! I'm fine! I put on your beautiful dress, I slightly made up... I tried to get beautiful! Don't you like it? -...Don't you drink? I prefer waiting for a while... I feel it would go the wrong way. -...No... ...Don't you like me? -How many girlfriends did you have? ...I don't know. -...I don't know. Well... 1... 2... 10... 100... 1000? How many, approximately? -Well... 1... 2... 10... 100... 1000? How many, approximately? ...Mathilda, I don't feel like talking about this. -...Mathilda, I don't feel like talking about this. Why? Did you have too many and you fear it may shock me? I won't get shocked. I'm used to this! My father was a true pig. He fucked the bitch I'd as mother all around the apartment. Whenever a door was closed, you could be sure they were making sex behind it! And my sister, if you didn't sleep with her, you're building's exception! -Why? Did you have too many and you fear it may shock me? I won't get shocked. I'm used to this! My father was a true pig. He fucked the bitch I'd as mother all around the apartment. Whenever a door was closed, you could be sure they were making sex behind it! And my sister, if you didn't sleep with her, you're building's exception! Stop, Mathilda! Don't talk like that! -...I had a girlfriend... A long time ago. Before coming here, in my country. I was 14-year-old... We flirted like kids... Her father didn't want her to meet me. My family was not very respectable. Then? You didn't give a shit about her father, didn't you? You met anyway? -...That's awful. I hope you killed, that asshole? ...Yes. The day he got out of jail. I allowed him to make ten steps... No more. And bang. Two hundred meters. By telescope. That night, I left my country and came here, to join my father, who worked for Tony. ...I was 17. Then, I never left the city... And never had another girlfriend... -You... You knock the code, when you come back, OK? Yes. -Yes. Three times, then two times. -May I ask you a personal question? ...Yes. -...Yes. What do you do, with the money you earn? -What do you do, with the money you earn? Nothing, for the moment. -Nothing, for the moment. Maybe it's the time to do something, isn't it? -Maybe it's the time to do something, isn't it? Yeah, what? -Yeah, what? I don't know... Getting far away, the two of us, for example... And forgetting all this... -Why did you unleash the pipe, I don't know? It will take them five minutes! How long ago did they arrive? -It will take them five minutes! How long ago did they arrive? I don't know... Five minutes. -I don't know... Five minutes. Good! Snipers can't be in position. -How shall we get out now, Leon? Let me work. We'll get out, I tell you! -No! I don't want to leave you!! Mathilda, listen! -Mathilda, listen! No, no! I don't want to go! I don't want! -You say it just to calm me! Not at all, Mathilda! I tell you because it's true! You'll buy the globe you told me about and you will choose, OK? We'll go where you want! I swear, you'll see, Mathilda!! -Yes? Good morning, Mister... It's Danielle! -Good morning, Mister... It's Danielle! Huh! You made an error, baby. I don't know any Danielle. -Huh! You made an error, baby. I don't know any Danielle. ...I got lost, Mister. -...I got lost, Mister. Huh? Move back, baby, I can't see anything. -Huh? Move back, baby, I can't see anything. It's not me, it's dark here... and I can't find the switch. -...Yes? Excuse me, Mister... I'm looking for Mister Rubens' apartment, but it's dark out here and I got lost... -Excuse me, Mister... I'm looking for Mister Rubens' apartment, but it's dark out here and I got lost... ...One second. -Don't fear. I have no fear. -How are you, Miss? Fine... -I'm sick with practicing, that's it... I see. You're good, because I didn't hear anything. -I see. You're good, because I didn't hear anything. Yeah. I put a rag on the strings, to lessen noise. -Yeah. I put a rag on the strings, to lessen noise. Huh? That's smart! -Huh? That's smart! I'm used to it. Not everyone likes music. -I'm used to it. Not everyone likes music. Yeah, true. But what does your father exactly do for living? -Yeah, true. But what does your father exactly do for living? ...Composer. -...Composer. Huh, that's good! -Huh, that's good! Yeah, but he's not exactly my father... -Yeah, but he's not exactly my father... Huh? -Huh? ...No... he's my lover... -You can't sit here like that. Huh? Why? -Huh? Why? Because you have to pay. It's like a parking meter: if you stay, you pay. It's the rule... -Because you have to pay. It's like a parking meter: if you stay, you pay. It's the rule... ...And how much is it? -...And how much is it? Ten dollars... A month. -...OK... Good. Can I sit on the stairways now? -Can I sit on the stairways now? Huh... Yeah, yeah... Of course. -Rinaldi... Rinaldi... What region do you come from? Messina. -Messina. Emilio? Due grappe! ...Why the hell did you come here? -But... He works for your same employer? Yeah, but I don't give a shit about. I trade at left, at right and that's dangerous in there... -Yeah, but I don't give a shit about. I trade at left, at right and that's dangerous in there... It's a little out of the world coming to visit me this way, on mid afternoon. It really isn't the usual procedure... -It's a little out of the world coming to visit me this way, on mid afternoon. It really isn't the usual procedure... I know... But I'm a little pressed. -...Who sent you? Giancarlo... Rinaldi. -Is he still alive? Yeah... And still in Messina. He's my uncle. -Yeah... And still in Messina. He's my uncle. Huh? Are you Alfredo's son, then? -Huh? Are you Alfredo's son, then? No... Dino's. -Have you ever been in Messina, son? Yes... Twice. -Yes... Twice. "Did you fish in Messina? The ""pesce spada""?" -"Did you fish in Messina? The ""pesce spada""?" No... -No... It's a specialty down there. It's a fishing boat with, in front, a long pole near the surface. Then, near the cabin, a very tall mast with a little cabin for the lookout. -I think I will get back in Messina this summer... It's too long I haven't been there. You're right, son. You must care the links with your family, always. It's the only important thing in the world. -You're right, son. You must care the links with your family, always. It's the only important thing in the world. ...Yeah. -Salute. Salute. -You'd better talk good, son, because, for the moment, I've got a quite bad opinion about you. Norman smiles. I respect your business, Mister Tony. Every time we asked your help, we were very happy with the result. It's right this that makes me nervous, now. I hope you'll excuse my temporary bad mood? -I respect your business, Mister Tony. Every time we asked your help, we were very happy with the result. It's right this that makes me nervous, now. I hope you'll excuse my temporary bad mood? Then... -Do you recognize him? ...Even his mother wouldn't. -Listen, son, you know as well as me this kind of hitmen: they come from nowhere, get the contract and disappear. They're lonely, worse than wolves. May we have this wolf's name and address? -May we have this wolf's name and address? These guys have no place. They change virtually everyday. And his name... It's a surname. -He probably just went somewhere. Where? -Where? For a walk. I don't know. -What is it? Adelle... Maurice is in the paper. -This smells good. Why am I such an authority? -Why am I such an authority? Here comes the resume. -Here comes the resume. "I received my B.S. from the University of Pennsylvania, my P.H.D. from Bryn Mawr College. I worked three years at the Boston University School of Medicine, during which time I had articles printed in the ""Journal of Educational Psychology"", ""American Journal of Psychology"", ""Psychology Review"" and ""Science""... So I think it's safe to say my opinion is valid." -Uncle Maurice, you're wearing sneakers? High-top Nike Cross-Trainers with heel support and air-cushioned soles. They're nasty. -And your store? What about your new store? What about all your dreams? I have new dreams now. -I have new dreams now. I don't accept that. -I don't accept that. Maybe one day -- after you've been married twenty years you'll understand. -Maybe one day -- after you've been married twenty years you'll understand. Uncle Maurice -- I spent all our frequent flyer miles on a one way ticket here... I have a rented car outside, just listen to me. Come back with me now, and if you still want to do something like this in a year -- maybe we'll plan a car trip across the country -- Gerald and I will come along -- -Uncle Maurice -- I spent all our frequent flyer miles on a one way ticket here... I have a rented car outside, just listen to me. Come back with me now, and if you still want to do something like this in a year -- maybe we'll plan a car trip across the country -- Gerald and I will come along -- I have to walk -- by myself -- all the way -- every inch. -I have to walk -- by myself -- all the way -- every inch. It's impossible. -It's impossible. It's what she asked for... It's what I'm going to do. -It's what she asked for... It's what I'm going to do. She was being symbolic. What if she asked you to fly to the moon? -She was being symbolic. What if she asked you to fly to the moon? You'd be visiting me at Nasa. -What if you don't make it? I'll make it. -I'll make it. If you really want to do this... plan it out. Rest up. Train for it. Build up your body. Plan every stop along the way. How much money? Time? Really do it properly. This is all so -- by the seat of your pants. -If you really want to do this... plan it out. Rest up. Train for it. Build up your body. Plan every stop along the way. How much money? Time? Really do it properly. This is all so -- by the seat of your pants. No it's not. -No it's not. Why did you take the back roads here? They're not safe. You'd know that if you'd planned. -I've all ready gone six hundred miles... I can't do it again. If you can't redo these six hundred miles when you're rested and ready, how are you possible going to walk another two thousand-five hundred miles in your present condition? -Nothing's going to happen. Uncle, the way I was told, if that police car didn't happen down that road, you would be dead right now. That guy Denny, had jumped bail in another state, he's dangerous... They'll be other Dennys, if you don't plan. -Are you two planning kids? Maybe later. -Maybe later. You should definitely have children. They're really special. -I don't think you realize how serious this is Uncle. How serious is it? -Then it'll have to wait until I finish. What? -What? I finish the walk, and then we may take all the chances we want. -Listen to me very carefully, because I don't want you to misunderstand me... The walk is over Uncle Maurice. Done. Finished. You've made it to California, it was a miracle, now let's try to save your life. I'm completing the walk. I'm almost there. -I have to finish first. I won't let you die. -What would you like us to do? Put out a P.B.S.... Or whatever it's called. -Put out a P.B.S.... Or whatever it's called. A.P.B.... He isn't breaking any law. He's a grown man... He can crawl on his hands and knees to China if that's what he wants to do. -A.P.B.... He isn't breaking any law. He's a grown man... He can crawl on his hands and knees to China if that's what he wants to do. Sergeant, I'm a psychologist and I know the difference between normal whims people have and actions that clearly display psychological problems... My uncle lost his wife and it devastated him. -Sergeant, I'm a psychologist and I know the difference between normal whims people have and actions that clearly display psychological problems... My uncle lost his wife and it devastated him. We're very sorry about that. Some of our men were on the scene of the accident. -We're very sorry about that. Some of our men were on the scene of the accident. I think my uncle is suffering from a condition called Mania which is linked with depression. It is a time when an individual will act over-confident, and will act out impractical, grandiose plans. Sometimes these plans can be dangerous. -I think my uncle is suffering from a condition called Mania which is linked with depression. It is a time when an individual will act over-confident, and will act out impractical, grandiose plans. Sometimes these plans can be dangerous. How long does this... Mania last? -How long does this... Mania last? A couple days to a few months if untreated. -Look, I'll see if anyone has spotted him recently. If I get any information, I'll call you. Thank you. -Thank you. Don't wait by the phone. If he's really been walking this whole time, he's out of our jurisdiction... -Mine. Are you and your friends planning on driving soon? -Are you a preacher? No, I just don't want anybody dying because I didn't say something when I had the chance. -This is Indiana -- nothing's going to happen to you. You need a ride, Preacher? -A wife?... Did someone piss drunk run into your wife? Crushed her like a bug. Snapped her bones? That's enough. -Oh the preacher's getting angry again... Tell me something. Did she die instantly or did she feel every torn muscle and shattered bone? Were you there to help her? Or were you safe at home when the windshield sliced into her face -- I'll kill you! -"The normal amount of build up in your arteries has been aggravated by over exertion. This is called, ""Claudication,"" As a result, there isn't enough circulation to your body. That accounts for the discoloration in your extremities and the muscle spasms I'm sure you've encountered." Can it kill me? -Can it kill me? It can, but it'll have to wait in line. -What steps do we take now? We operate. We find the artery in the brain and close the bleeding... I just did this procedure on a Senator and he's doing fine. -We operate. We find the artery in the brain and close the bleeding... I just did this procedure on a Senator and he's doing fine. What are the odds? Do I have a fifty-fifty chance of surviving the operation? -What are the odds? Do I have a fifty-fifty chance of surviving the operation? It's hard to say. It's a delicate surgery. There's no getting around the fact that it's a very high-risk situation. -So what's the deal Maurice? Pardon? -Pardon? I mean why the sudden voluntary visit -- usually it takes gun- point to get you in here... -I mean why the sudden voluntary visit -- usually it takes gun- point to get you in here... Routine, I assure you. I just wanted to gage my health. Am I healthy? -Routine, I assure you. I just wanted to gage my health. Am I healthy? Yes -- you are. -Yes -- you are. I'm going to ask you a question that may sound peculiar. -I know what you're getting at. You do? -You do? I've seen it before. -I've seen it before. You have? -You have? You're feeling old and you want to start exercising. A lot of men your age feel the need to recapture their youth. Don't feel embarrassed about it. -You're feeling old and you want to start exercising. A lot of men your age feel the need to recapture their youth. Don't feel embarrassed about it. Okay. -Okay. You should start slow and easy -- fifteen minutes a day. -You should start slow and easy -- fifteen minutes a day. No. How far in one attempt -- what's the farthest someone like myself could walk? -Just for curiosity sake that's all? I don't know -- maybe twenty miles... Of course I'm not recommending that... if someone like you had to I mean... that's how far they'd probably get before encountering serious physical walls. -I don't know -- maybe twenty miles... Of course I'm not recommending that... if someone like you had to I mean... that's how far they'd probably get before encountering serious physical walls. Twenty miles? I see. -Yes? The flowers... they're beautiful. -You thought I sent them? There was no card. -Have I forgotten something? Is this a special day? It's just a regular day. -It's a special day isn't it? Well, I'm sure it's not Christmas, because you'd be worried about how much money we don't have to spend on each other... I know it's not New Years, because you'd be going on and on about wearing a tuxedo and how much you don't like to dance... and I'm sure it's not our anniversary, because I didn't find an envelope with a hundred dollars cash on my bureau with a note that says, 'Pick out something pretty'... Yes -- Maurice -- I'm virtually certain it's not a special day today. -Ellen? What? -What? The new store? -The new store? Honey, I told you. If it makes you happy, we should just do it. -Honey, I told you. If it makes you happy, we should just do it. It's a tremendous amount of work -- moving. -It's a tremendous amount of work -- moving. We can do it together. -... Love is shown through actions not just words. What's that? That's not a fortune... You will be rich... That's a fortune. What you have is a statement. -What's that? That's not a fortune... You will be rich... That's a fortune. What you have is a statement. What it is -- is the truth. -What it is -- is the truth. I don't follow. -Is this going to be similar to the flower incident? Sometimes people need to see things done for them -- because sooner or later they don't believe the words anymore. -Sometimes people need to see things done for them -- because sooner or later they don't believe the words anymore. You don't think I love you? -I want to be shown... Maurice would you do anything for me? Yes. -Yes. Anything? -Anything? What do you want from me? Would I swim across an ocean for you?... Would I walk across the United States for you? Yes... Yes I would. You know that. -What do you want from me? Would I swim across an ocean for you?... Would I walk across the United States for you? Yes... Yes I would. You know that. No I don't. I don't even know if you'd walk across the street for me. -Why do you polish that thing all the time? You're talking to me? -You're talking to me? Why do you polish it? -A Book Society Award is a very prestigious thing. Why are you polishing it -- in bed -- in your pajamas -- at 11:15 at night? Are you going to show it to someone? -Why are you polishing it -- in bed -- in your pajamas -- at 11:15 at night? Are you going to show it to someone? No. -No. Then why? -Then why? There's no reason. -There's no reason. Exactly. No reason. No occasion. It just makes you feel good to do something for it, to express your pride and affection for it some how... How come you'd do that for a piece of metal and not for me? -I do love you... very, very much. Show me. -Show me. I will -- I promise. -Walk with me? You like to take walks? -You like to take walks? No. But I want to take a walk with you. -It's one of those thoughts you keep to yourself. Please tell me. -I thought we both wanted the same things. I've changed my mind. -I've changed my mind. You can't change your mind. -I want children. You've just decided, is that right? -You've just decided, is that right? Yes. -Ellen, there are two kinds of people in the world -- Please not, 'The two kinds of people' speech. -Please not, 'The two kinds of people' speech. ... People that were made to be parents, and people who were not made to be parents... My parents, were people who were not made to be parents but had kids anyway. I don't want us to be that way Ellen. -... People that were made to be parents, and people who were not made to be parents... My parents, were people who were not made to be parents but had kids anyway. I don't want us to be that way Ellen. You can change. -You can change. Face it Ellen, I'm not the type of person who reads bedtime stories. But you love me anyway. -Face it Ellen, I'm not the type of person who reads bedtime stories. But you love me anyway. Don't be so sure. -It must've hit the window... I think its neck is broken. Don't bring it in here -- it probably has all kinds of diseases. -It isn't going to make it Ellen. Let the poor thing go quietly. It'll make it. -Your father? He's plastered. -He's plastered. That's okay -- really it is. -That's okay -- really it is. No it's not. He should be here with me now, not trying to find some fucking bottle of Johnny Walker. He's never been there for me. I've always been alone. -I don't know. I think it's a different place for each person. -I think it's a different place for each person. Did you have a dream? -I know where my heaven is. Where? -Where? Pacifica, California. -Why there? When I was ten, my family lived in Pacifica for a year. I used to go to the beach everyday that summer. I never felt so happy, carefree. It was a magic place for me... That's where my heaven will be. -Maurice? Yes. -Yes. If I die, you'll know where to look for me? -If I die, you'll know where to look for me? Go to sleep Ellen. -Go to sleep Ellen. No really, if God takes us away from each other, you know where to look now? -The beach of Pacifica, California. Good. -What did they ask? If I had seen you. By the way I'm sorry about your wife. They told me. -If I had seen you. By the way I'm sorry about your wife. They told me. Thank you... I'm sorry you had to lie. It must have been difficult. -Thank you... I'm sorry you had to lie. It must have been difficult. I asked the officers if you had committed some crime... If they had said 'yes', you would be speaking with them right now. -To where? Pacifica, California. -Pacifica, California. From where? -From where? Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. -Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I see. -Why? Do you believe a person's soul lives on after their death? -Do you believe a person's soul lives on after their death? Most certainly. -Most certainly. And that that soul takes part of the person they were on this earth with them. -And that that soul takes part of the person they were on this earth with them. That's a reasonable assumption. -That's a reasonable assumption. I don't want my wife's soul having any doubts. -I don't want my wife's soul having any doubts. Doubts? About what? -Doubts? About what? About my love for her. -You don't have to prove anything to her. I'm not proving to her. I'm showing her. And I know I don't have to. I want to. I've realized, love is about giving. I'm alive, I can still give to her. I want to give her everything I can. -What's his story? His name is Maurice. He's dancing around everything else. -His name is Maurice. He's dancing around everything else. Red flag, man. -Red flag, man. If he's in trouble with the law -- fine. Not our problem. He yanked two people from a car wreck, let's give him some space. -Red flags man. Not our problem. -Not our problem. Why so vague? Why so evasive? He could be somebody hot. -Why so vague? Why so evasive? He could be somebody hot. Not our problem. -Not our problem. It's going to look beautiful when he turns out to be that animal who paid a visit to the Steadman's house. -It's going to look beautiful when he turns out to be that animal who paid a visit to the Steadman's house. This guy's not a murderer. -This guy's not a murderer. If he is, half the town has seen us take him out for dinner like a couple of jack-asses. -A marriage certificate? Who the hell carries their marriage certificate around? Maurice and Ellen Parker... it was issued in Philly... Mr. Maurice Parker has come a long way from home. Why? -Hansen's whipped. Has to call his wife every two hours or she'll go ballistic when he gets home. P-A-R-K-E-R. Right. Get on the horn with Philly. Call me here. -I'm going to drop off Tandy at the station and then drop you back. That's all right isn't it? -Shit! He jumped! Jumped where? -Jumped where? Out of the car. He jumped out of the god damn car! -Well, hello. I'm Isaac... I'm three. -I'm Isaac... I'm three. I'm Maurice Parker... I'm much older than three. Are your parents home? -You know what, I can play baseball with my brothers when I'm bigger. Is that right? -Is that right? You know what... I'm just little now, but I'll be big soon. -You know what... I'm just little now, but I'll be big soon. You'll probably be bigger than your brothers. -You'll probably be bigger than your brothers. Yeah! -I thought you were asleep. You know what... I remembered you were here and I woke up. -Your parents would want you to be in bed. You tell stories? -You tell stories? Oh no... I'm not good at that. Very bad in fact... -There was a boy named Isaac who wanted to play baseball, but he was too small and no one would let him play... but he kept practicing by himself -- waiting... He went to every game and sat in the stands with his glove. You know what... maybe I ran onto the field and hit a home run. -You know what... maybe I ran onto the field and hit a home run. Who's telling this story? -Anyway, Big Billy needed another player so he yelled into the stands. 'Who can play baseball?' And there was a little voice that yelled out, 'Me, I can play.' Everyone turned to see a little boy standing with a glove. That's me. -That's me. Right. But everyone saw how small Isaac was and laughed... but not Big Billy. He stared at Isaac carefully and then told him to join the game. It came to the end of the game. It was the eleventh or twelfth inning or whatever is the last inning of a game... -Right. But everyone saw how small Isaac was and laughed... but not Big Billy. He stared at Isaac carefully and then told him to join the game. It came to the end of the game. It was the eleventh or twelfth inning or whatever is the last inning of a game... Nine. -Nine. Okay nine. Big Billy's team was losing and he was on base. That's when Isaac came up. He could barely hold the bat... Big Billy winked at Isaac... The ball was pitched -- Isaac hit the ball hard. It soared up and out over the stadium. Everyone cheered. Isaac hit a home run and won the game. After the game, Isaac asked Big Billy why he let he play. Big Billy smiled and said, I wasn't always Big Billy, I was Little Billy first... Isaac and Big Billy went off after the game and read a classic book together. The end. -Okay nine. Big Billy's team was losing and he was on base. That's when Isaac came up. He could barely hold the bat... Big Billy winked at Isaac... The ball was pitched -- Isaac hit the ball hard. It soared up and out over the stadium. Everyone cheered. Isaac hit a home run and won the game. After the game, Isaac asked Big Billy why he let he play. Big Billy smiled and said, I wasn't always Big Billy, I was Little Billy first... Isaac and Big Billy went off after the game and read a classic book together. The end. You know what -- that was a really good story... Tell it again. -Each inch represents 150 miles... Making the grand total? -Making the grand total? Damn baby, relax. I'm getting to it. From Philadelphia following the route highlighted to Pacifica California -- you're traveling an estimated three thousand two hundred miles... -Three thousand miles?... How many times does twenty go into three thousand? What was that? -What was that? Perhaps there's another route? -Perhaps there's another route? This is the route approved by triple A. Even if you followed back roads the entire way, you'd still be looking at roughly the same distance... -Don't worry baby, it shouldn't take you more than five days if you just stop to sleep and eat. By car right? -This story is big huh? Mammoth. -Mammoth. The Gazette's small huh? -What are you saying? This story is too big for this paper? Umm, no. It's just that -- -Umm, no. It's just that -- God damn, you're right... You don't say much Michelle, but what you say is golden. -Michelle, breathe... that's it, what is it, talk to me. Umm, Coalville Utah. -Umm, he's going to make it isn't he? Maybe. -Lizy, Eliza... Elizabeth Bennett... Pride and Prejudice. You're amazing. -You're amazing. It has to be a full character's name. -It has to be a full character's name. They called her 'Lizy' in the book... Sorry I was late. My jeep died on the way over from the paper. -They called her 'Lizy' in the book... Sorry I was late. My jeep died on the way over from the paper. They printed your article on, 'Dry Verses Can Dog Food'... Very enlightening. -They printed your article on, 'Dry Verses Can Dog Food'... Very enlightening. Pulitzer, here I come. -What happened? Never have children. If they're not a burden to you, they're a burden to someone else. -I want to reach people. Nobody listens to me. This is my way to reach them. To reach people, you have to feel something first... You write about the wrong things. How can you feel for dog food? The people at the Gazette don't respect it, and neither do you. -To reach people, you have to feel something first... You write about the wrong things. How can you feel for dog food? The people at the Gazette don't respect it, and neither do you. This is a ghost town. Nothing ever happens. -This is a ghost town. Nothing ever happens. Write from your heart. That's why the classics are great. -Are you firing me? No. No... I won't be here for a while. The store will be closed in the interim. -You going on a trip Mr. Parker? Yes. -Yes. Where? -Where? California. -When are you leaving? Tomorrow. -I'm walking there Kris. Walking where? -Walking where? California. -The hairs on my arm are standing up... Something strange is happening. I always knew you had good instincts... Goodbye Kris. I'll see you when I get back. -Phileas Fogg? ... Round The World In Eighty Days. ... Hello Kris. -... Round The World In Eighty Days. ... Hello Kris. You're amazing... What are you doing Mr. Parker? -You're amazing... What are you doing Mr. Parker? I told you. -You're walking to California? Pacifica, California -- it's a coastal city. -Pacifica, California -- it's a coastal city. Oh, a coastal city. That's good. -Ellen told me that she didn't know if I loved her. She knew you loved her. -She knew you loved her. She wasn't certain... I never really showed her. -I'm really lost. What does this have to do with walking? I said, 'I would do anything for her'... and she didn't believe me. I said, 'I'd walk across the country for her'... she didn't believe me. -I need to show her how much I love her Kris. Why know? -Why know? Because I should have shown her before... Everyday, I should have shown her. -Pacifica, California... that's a long ways away. So I've been informed. -Ellen got up every morning and went to the corner store to get me my bread for breakfast... Everyday. Now that's about a quarter mile each way... 17 years... that comes to about three thousand miles... And you know what Kris? What Mr. Parker? -What Mr. Parker? She never ate a slice. -Tom Joad? ... The Grapes of Wrath. -... The Grapes of Wrath. You're amazing. -I missed you Kris. I missed you to Mr. Parker. -I missed you to Mr. Parker. Adelle told me, your writing is going well. The Crusader for social issues and all. -Adelle told me, your writing is going well. The Crusader for social issues and all. You were right. From the heart is always better. -I haven't been too punctual with the rent. I was thinking you could open another store with investors. I'm sure a lot of people would want to get involved with you now. -Are they standing? Saluting. -Come on Mr. Parker. What, come on? -What, come on? I can't do it. I want you to finish, but I want you to live more. -We do the operation after I finish. I can't risk not finishing... I thought you understood what I was doing. I do. -I do. Why in God's name did you fly all the way here then? -Why in God's name did you fly all the way here then? Don't do this. -Don't do this. ... To look me in the eye and say what's important to you isn't as important to me? To tell me you know what's best? To tell me life is more precious than what I feel for my wife? -Mr. Parker, you can yell at me, if it'll help. But I'm not risking your life. It's mine to risk. -She knows you love her Mr. Parker. She knows now. No more words. Until I touch the ocean with my hands... it's all just words. -There are a lot of people worried about you. Where am I? -Where am I? In a hospital. -In a hospital. Which hospital? Did you take me back? -What do your friends call you? Steph. -Steph. Do you have a car, Steph? -You're in pain. I need your help. -I need your help. They told me, you might try to talk me into something... You need to rest Mr. Parker... It's for your own good. I've been following your story for a long while. It's a beautiful thing you did. -They told me, you might try to talk me into something... You need to rest Mr. Parker... It's for your own good. I've been following your story for a long while. It's a beautiful thing you did. You ever lose somebody Stephanie? -You ever lose somebody Stephanie? Mr. Parker, I'm supposed to give you your fish sticks. -... My father. Did you tell him everything you wanted to? Did you do everything you could while he was here? -You're going to have a lot of work to do when I get back. Someone should be with you. -Good morning. Good morning. -Is it a boy or a girl? Oh, that's not mine. -I don't have kids. You should. Children are a blessing from God. I have four. -You look so happy -- how long have you been married? Forty-seven years. -Where did he go? He's getting my sweater from the car. I said there was a breeze. I told him not to go. -May I ask you a question that might sound strange? Yes. -Hello, Mr. Parker. Hello. -Hello. How are you feeling? -How are you feeling? Confused. I'm not sure what to do now. I'm not sure what he wants for me. -Confused. I'm not sure what to do now. I'm not sure what he wants for me. He wants to reward you... That's why I'm here. -He wants to reward you... That's why I'm here. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I mean you've done a great thing. You should be rewarded monetarily. -What's your shoe size? What? Who are you? -If that ain't fate?... Hi, I'm Dave Caldwell. I do the copy for the anchor on the evening news down here. Evening News? -Evening News? We did a piece after your story ran in the New York Times. -I've always wanted a watch like that. It's yours. -It's yours. No. I won't take it unless I pay for it... Let's see, that's a pretty nice watch -- I can see that. -I really want that watch. This isn't right. -This isn't right. This is my only chance to get a watch like that. It would mean a lot to me and my family. Please take it. It really isn't that much. -There's a one-drink minimum per show, I hope you saw the sign when you came in. Anyway, they're supposed to tell you. Yes, I heard, and it's not a problem. -Yes, I heard, and it's not a problem. What do you want? -What do you want? What are my choices? -What are my choices? Everything's ten dollars, and there's no alcohol. -Everything's ten dollars, and there's no alcohol. No alcohol? -No alcohol? No alcohol. You gotta get something else. Everything's ten dollars. What do you want? -No alcohol. You gotta get something else. Everything's ten dollars. What do you want? What do you think I should get? -What do you think I should get? Non-alcoholic malt beverage? -Non-alcoholic malt beverage? ...Noooo. -...Noooo. Orange soda? -Orange soda? No. -No. Coffee? -Coffee? No. -No. Sparkling apple cider? -Sparkling apple cider? No. -No. Water? -Water? Water? -Water? One drink minimum per show. Everything's ten dollars. Now... tell me what you want or I'll eighty- six you. -One drink minimum per show. Everything's ten dollars. Now... tell me what you want or I'll eighty- six you. Water. -Hello! Hello. -Hello. Are you working? -Are you working? Working? What do you mean, working? I'm walking. -Isn't it illegal to drink and drive? That's funny. I wonder if you'll take two hundred and fifty dollars to fuck me? -That is, if you'll come to my room for an hour, I will give you five hundred dollars. Maybe you shouldn't stand in the road like that. You're pretty drunk. -You're pretty drunk. Not really. My room's not far. The Whole Year Inn. You can drive with me if you want... -Sarah -- with an H? No -- S.E.R.A. -I'm sort of curious... if you're willing to pay me two-fifty... not that I mind... I mean, I'm OK with that -- why aren't you staying in a hotel? We can go to one if you'd prefer. -We can go to one if you'd prefer. No, this is fine. I was just wondering. -Umm. We can stay in the car for an hour if you want. But I really have to go then. It's your time. Right, I'll get your door. I tend to fade in and out lately. -Right, I'll get your door. I tend to fade in and out lately. I guess I do too. -I guess I do too. You what? -You what? I sometimes fade out. -I sometimes fade out. Oh... well, maybe we better synchronize our spells... or stagger them. -Oh... well, maybe we better synchronize our spells... or stagger them. You were going to get my door. -Mind if I use the bathroom? Of course. -Want a drink? I'm having one. A shot of tequila, if you can spare it. -A shot of tequila, if you can spare it. Of course. -Do you want to fuck now? Maybe another drink first. More tequila? -Maybe another drink first. More tequila? OK... whatever. -What's the story? Are you too drunk to come? I don't care about that. There's time left. You can have more money. You can drink all you want. You can talk or listen. Just stay, that's all I want. -No, I came here to drink... myself... you know... To death? -To death? Yes, that's right. -I cashed in all of my money, paid my AmEx card, gonna sell the car tomorrow. How long's it gonna take, for you to drink yourself to death? -How long's it gonna take, for you to drink yourself to death? I think about four weeks, and I've got enough for about two hundred and fifty to three hundred dollars a day. -I think about four weeks, and I've got enough for about two hundred and fifty to three hundred dollars a day. Yes... that should do it. What am I? A luxury? -Yes... that should do it. What am I? A luxury? Yeah. And your meter just ran out. -If I was I'm sorry. No, just drunk... but that's OK. Where's your car? -No, just drunk... but that's OK. Where's your car? I sold it this morning. I'm going to take cabs from now on in. -Don't run away. Why should I? I know you're not a cop, so what is it tonight? Another two-fifty to watch you sleep? -What's up? I was looking for you tonight. I don't know if you have a boyfriend... -...or a girlfriend, but if you have some free time... maybe we could have dinner. Are you serious. -Are you serious. I think you know I'm serious. I'll pay you if you like... but I'd like to see you. -I think you know I'm serious. I'll pay you if you like... but I'd like to see you. No, I can't have dinner with you. -Yes. I have to change and take a shower first. If you want to come home and wait. -We should pick up a bottle of tequila on the way. I owe you one. You do? -This is the home of an angel. You OK out there? -You OK out there? Yes. Take your time. I'm fine. -You OK? Of course. Wow... you look extremely beautiful. -Of course. Wow... you look extremely beautiful. Thank you. What time is it? -Thank you. What time is it? Don't know. My watch went the way of the car. -I'm rambling. I really like you. You make me want to talk... I don't know what time it is. I like hearing you talk. If you feel up to a short walk, there's a place to eat around the corner. All the food in Vegas is terrible so the place doesn't really matter. How does that sound to you? -I like hearing you talk. If you feel up to a short walk, there's a place to eat around the corner. All the food in Vegas is terrible so the place doesn't really matter. How does that sound to you? Do they have drinks? -I'm from the East. I went to college, did an arts course. I now live in Vegas. I think of it as home. I came here deliberately to carve out a life. I was in LA before, but I'll come back to that later. The tough times are behind me now. I can deal with the bad things that happen. There will always be dark characters. But my life is good. It is as I would want it to be. So, why are you a drunk? Is that really what you want to ask me? -Is that really what you want to ask me? Yes. -Yes. Well, then I guess this is our first date... or our last. Until now, I wasn't sure it was either. -Well, then I guess this is our first date... or our last. Until now, I wasn't sure it was either. Very clever. -First. It's our first. I'm just concerned. So... why are you killing yourself? Interesting choice of words. I don't remember. I just know that I want to. -Interesting choice of words. I don't remember. I just know that I want to. Want to kill yourself? Are you saying that you're drinking as a way to kill yourself? -It wasn't so important to me. I mean, he never asked me why I was a hooker, and that was impressive. I really liked him. So I decided to just play my part. I mean... it's good to help someone once in a while, it's a bonus to being alive, and that was my plan... to stay alive. I suddenly came to a decision. What are you thinking? Are you angry with me? -What are you thinking? Are you angry with me? Ben, why don't you stay at my place tonight? I mean... look, you're so drunk. I like you. I trust you. -Ben, why don't you stay at my place tonight? I mean... look, you're so drunk. I like you. I trust you. That's astonishing. Sera, look... -That's astonishing. Sera, look... I hate to think of you in that cheesy motel. I mean... -Let's face it, what the fuck are you doing in Las Vegas? I'm going to move to a smart hotel, tomorrow if it'll make you feel better. Let's talk about tomorrow. Wanna do something? -I'm going to move to a smart hotel, tomorrow if it'll make you feel better. Let's talk about tomorrow. Wanna do something? Sure... tonight. Then please stay at my place. -Sure... tonight. Then please stay at my place. Sera... you know I'm not much good in the sack. -Sera... you know I'm not much good in the sack. It's not about sex, Ben. I'll make you up a bed on the sofa. Do it for me. We can talk till late and then sleep till late. As you know, I am my own boss. -How long have I been here? Three nights, two days. When is your rent coming up at the motel? -Three nights, two days. When is your rent coming up at the motel? I don't know. I'll go and sort it out today. Why don't you come?... We'll find a real room for me. You can pick it out, a tower on the strip. -I don't know. I'll go and sort it out today. Why don't you come?... We'll find a real room for me. You can pick it out, a tower on the strip. There's no reason to blow all your money on a hotel room. -There's no reason to blow all your money on a hotel room. What do you mean? -What do you mean? What I mean is that you should bring your stuff over here. We're spending all this time together... what the fuck! -What I mean is that you should bring your stuff over here. We're spending all this time together... what the fuck! Sera... -Sera... Let's face it, Ben, we're having fun here. I've never done so much talking in my life. -Let's face it, Ben, we're having fun here. I've never done so much talking in my life. Me neither. -Me neither. So! Let's dispense with the formalities. I want you here... now! -So! Let's dispense with the formalities. I want you here... now! Sera you are crazy. -Sera you are crazy. So... I'm not too concerned with long term plans. -So... I'm not too concerned with long term plans. Don't you think you'll get a little bored living with a drunk? -Don't you think you'll get a little bored living with a drunk? That is what I want. Why don't you go and get your stuff? -That is what I want. Why don't you go and get your stuff? You haven't seen the worst of it. These last few days I've been very controlled. I knock things over... I throw up all the time. Now I feel really good... You're like some kind of antidote that mixes the liquor and keeps me in balance, but that won't last forever. You'll get tired of it really quickly. Believe me. -Don't you like me, Ben? Don't be silly? -Sera... what you don't understand is... What? -You can never... never... ask me to stop drinking. Do you understand? I do. I really do. OK. I have to do some shopping alone. You go out for a few drinks and then pick up your things. Don't hurry and I'll be back before you to let you in. -Hi! Why don't you go in and sit down. I have some gifts for you. -Why don't you go in and sit down. I have some gifts for you. Right... OK... -Want a drink? Great nap. Wanna go out tonight? Seriously, Ben... I need to keep pretty low-key around here. Maybe next time you could nap this side of the door. That was the landlord. -Seriously, Ben... I need to keep pretty low-key around here. Maybe next time you could nap this side of the door. That was the landlord. Of course. -Ben? Sorry. -Sera, I love that name... S.E.R.A. Before we proceed onwards, there is something I need to say. OK? OK. -OK. I've come this far... here I am, in your house. I want you to let me pay the rent for this month. All right? -Why? Because... it's better for me that way. OK? -Because... it's better for me that way. OK? Well... OK... -Sera... I hope that you understand how I feel about this. First of all, you're welcome to my money. We can buy a couple of cases of liquor and you can have the rest. But I don't think you're talking to me right now about money. No? -No? No. I think you're talking about you. I'll tell you right now that I'm in love with you... but, be that as it may, I'm not here to force my twisted life into your soul. -No. I think you're talking about you. I'll tell you right now that I'm in love with you... but, be that as it may, I'm not here to force my twisted life into your soul. I know that... -I know that... ...and I'm not here to demand your attention to the point where it changes your life. We know I'm a drunk... but that seems to be all right with you. And I know that you're a hooker. I hope you understand that I'm a person who is totally at ease with this... which is not to say that I'm indifferent or that I don't care... I do... it simply means that I trust and accept your judgement. What I'm saying is... that I hope you understand that I understand. -...and I'm not here to demand your attention to the point where it changes your life. We know I'm a drunk... but that seems to be all right with you. And I know that you're a hooker. I hope you understand that I'm a person who is totally at ease with this... which is not to say that I'm indifferent or that I don't care... I do... it simply means that I trust and accept your judgement. What I'm saying is... that I hope you understand that I understand. Thanks, I do understand. I was worried about how that would be... but now I'm not. And you should know that included with the rent here is a complimentary blow job. -Thanks, I do understand. I was worried about how that would be... but now I'm not. And you should know that included with the rent here is a complimentary blow job. Ah, yes... I suppose sooner or later we ought to fuck. -Ah, yes... I suppose sooner or later we ought to fuck. Whatever that means. Open your presents. -Right... the suitcase was clinking. So what did you do with your clothes? I threw them into the garbage, which was perhaps immoral, but I wanted to come to you clean, so to speak. I thought we could go shopping and pick up a pair of jeans and forty- five pairs of underwear and just throw them out each day. -I threw them into the garbage, which was perhaps immoral, but I wanted to come to you clean, so to speak. I thought we could go shopping and pick up a pair of jeans and forty- five pairs of underwear and just throw them out each day. Nice talk, Ben. Keep drinking. In between the hundred and one proof breath and the occasional drool, some interesting words fall from your mouth. -I'm going to fill it right now. Do you want to go gambling tonight? We could go out and play for a few hours. -Giving you money makes me want to come. Then come. I'm going to change. Watch TV. I'll be half an hour. -I am planning to go out and do some work. When? -When? Tomorrow night as a matter of fact. -I like women who wear mismatched earrings. Well, then... I hope we don't run into any tonight. -Well, then... I hope we don't run into any tonight. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I expect some kind of loyalty here. Just because I fuck for money doesn't give you cause to start picking up women and leaving me looking silly. -How are you doing? Very well... umm... I never expected to have to ask you this again... but how did our evening go? I remember getting to the casino... I remember kissing you... that was really nice but everything after that is a blank. -Very well... umm... I never expected to have to ask you this again... but how did our evening go? I remember getting to the casino... I remember kissing you... that was really nice but everything after that is a blank. Well -- I was prepared for worse, but it wasn't so bad. We were sitting at the bar, talking about blackjack. You seemed just fine, a little drunker than usual, but nothing really strange, but then your head started to droop and I put my arm on your shoulder and then, wham, you swung you arm at me, and fell backwards off your stool into a cocktail waitress. You smashed everything on her tray, it was a real mess. You kept yelling and yelling. -Well -- I was prepared for worse, but it wasn't so bad. We were sitting at the bar, talking about blackjack. You seemed just fine, a little drunker than usual, but nothing really strange, but then your head started to droop and I put my arm on your shoulder and then, wham, you swung you arm at me, and fell backwards off your stool into a cocktail waitress. You smashed everything on her tray, it was a real mess. You kept yelling and yelling. Oh, and what did you do? -Oh, and what did you do? I tried to shut you up and help you to your feet but you kept swinging at me -- not like you wanted to hit me, but more just waving me away. Security came and when you saw them you stopped yelling. They wanted to carry you out and dump you on the street, but I talked them into letting me walk you out. -I tried to shut you up and help you to your feet but you kept swinging at me -- not like you wanted to hit me, but more just waving me away. Security came and when you saw them you stopped yelling. They wanted to carry you out and dump you on the street, but I talked them into letting me walk you out. That's impressive. How did you do that? -That's impressive. How did you do that? I told them you were an alcoholic and I would take you home. I also promised that we would never come in there again. -I told them you were an alcoholic and I would take you home. I also promised that we would never come in there again. We? -You were OK for a while, so we walked for about a block and then you said you wanted to go home and fuck, but I think even you knew that wasn't going to happen. We got a cab and you asked him to stop at a liquor store, even though I told you that we had plenty at home. In the store you gave the kid a hundred and told him to keep the change. I asked you if you knew it was a hundred. You said you did, so I let you do it. We got here, you fell asleep on the couch and I covered you up and came to bed. I warned you... ...but I'm sorry. -I warned you... ...but I'm sorry. Here's my speech... ...I know this shouldn't be acceptable to me, but it is. Don't ask me why. I sense that your trouble is very big... and I'm scared for you... and so I'm doing what I think you need me to do. Falling down in casinos is little stuff. It doesn't bother me. It has nothing to do with us. -Here's my speech... ...I know this shouldn't be acceptable to me, but it is. Don't ask me why. I sense that your trouble is very big... and I'm scared for you... and so I'm doing what I think you need me to do. Falling down in casinos is little stuff. It doesn't bother me. It has nothing to do with us. That's amazing. What are you? Some sort of angel visiting me from one of my drunk fantasies? How can you be so good? -Why don't you go back to sleep. I'll go out and buy us some breakfast. Be careful. -Very creative. Now we can get you a black bow tie and you can look like one of those casino dealers. OK, but remember that they wear it because they have to. I wear it because I want to. That'll make me look different. Let's get a drink. -Your color. I think you should wear one at a time. One of these... and one of your others. In fact, I was going to buy just one, but I didn't think it would fly... as a gift, I mean. -What was that all about? Can we just forget it? -Can we just forget it? I don't understand any of that. -I don't understand any of that. Can we just ignore it? -Please! Yes... I'll give you that. -Yes... I'll give you that. Thank you, Sera. -Thank you, Sera. Do you want me not to go tonight? -Do you want me not to go tonight? No... we already talked about that. -Maybe I should follow you around and ask one of your tricks what it's like to sleep with you. They wouldn't know. -I'll be back home around three. If you're back by then we can watch TV or something... I guess what I'm saying is... that I hope you are back when I get home. Please be careful. You be careful to. I'm going to miss you. -You be careful to. I'm going to miss you. Shall we go away for a couple of days? -Shall we go away for a couple of days? Yeah... I'd like that. -Years ago, in LA, I turned a trick on Sunset and Western. The guy was polite and didn't argue about the price. He parked his car and I took him to a house that I had an arrangement with. A fat Mexican woman was watching a TV and I told him to give her the twenty for the room. There were three or four small naked children playing on the floor and we had to step over them to get into the room. The room had a bed and a dresser. He lay on his back on the bed and I put a rubber on him and sucked him for a while until he was hard and then I eased on to him. About twenty minutes later there was a knock on the door and it was the woman saying our time was up. I felt kind of guilty because he hadn't come and I offered to reason with the woman and get another ten minutes, but he said it was all right and began dressing. When we were ready to leave the room he stopped me and... hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. He gave me an extra hundred as a tip and went back to his car. I remember being relieved that I wouldn't have to work again that evening. Last spring I happened to walk past a house that I had once patronized. There was a cool breeze blowing off the ocean and through the window I could see a bare leg. The girl must have been taking a break between customers. It was a strange moment for me because it reminded me of my mother and despite the fact that I was late for something already I just stayed there, loving the atmosphere of it and my memory and... the reason I'm telling you this epilogue is that I felt that I'd come full circle. -Last spring I happened to walk past a house that I had once patronized. There was a cool breeze blowing off the ocean and through the window I could see a bare leg. The girl must have been taking a break between customers. It was a strange moment for me because it reminded me of my mother and despite the fact that I was late for something already I just stayed there, loving the atmosphere of it and my memory and... the reason I'm telling you this epilogue is that I felt that I'd come full circle. Where was that house? The one in LA, I mean. -Where was that house? The one in LA, I mean. Fifth and Mayflower. You know it? -Fifth and Mayflower. You know it? Yes. One of my friends was there. I wonder if you ever clipped her. -I like it here with you. Let's stay for a while. -Let's stay for a while. OK. -I've missed the best sun. Why did you have to pawn your watch? I didn't know I'd ever need it again. -Maybe it's time I moved to a hotel. And do what... rot away in a room? We're not going to talk about that. Fuck you! I will not talk about that. You're staying here. You are not moving to a hotel. -And do what... rot away in a room? We're not going to talk about that. Fuck you! I will not talk about that. You're staying here. You are not moving to a hotel. Will you lighten up, please? -Will you lighten up, please? One thing... one thing... this is one thing you can do for me. I've given you gallons of free will here! You can do this for me. -There are limits. Yes... I guess I knew that. -I wanted to see you... Oh, Ben... you look so very sick... my love... you're so pale. -You know I love you... yeah? Yes. -Hey, Brad... how's it going? Hey Ben. There were a couple of guys looking for you. -Hey Ben. There were a couple of guys looking for you. What did they look like? -What did they look like? Suits. I didn't tell them anything. You know anything about gears? -How'd this happen? I was going real fast down on the beach and something slipped and everything got jammed up. -I was going real fast down on the beach and something slipped and everything got jammed up. The news is not good, kid. This bit here... see there... it's broken. You need a new one. -The news is not good, kid. This bit here... see there... it's broken. You need a new one. How much, do you think? -How much, do you think? I don't know. I'll find out though. -About ready for another drink? Yes, that would be great. Are you her for the convention? -Yes, that would be great. Are you her for the convention? Do I look that obvious? My name's Paul. -So... are you alone, or are you just using me to make someone else jealous? Alone. Alone. I'm here alone. -Alone. Alone. I'm here alone. Where are you staying? -Where are you staying? Right here at the hotel. Why? -Right here at the hotel. Why? Well... I thought you might be looking for a date. -Well... I thought you might be looking for a date. A date. What, are you a hooker? What do you mean a date? I've got a wife back home. I just came over to talk for a few minutes. -A date. What, are you a hooker? What do you mean a date? I've got a wife back home. I just came over to talk for a few minutes. I'm sorry, I guess I misunderstood. -Please don't raise your voice. I won't bother you about it again. Sorry. Look... you seem like a nice girl. I'm just sick of everyone in this town trying to get my money. -I don't want this. Yuri, please. I really don't want this. You know I don't like to do groups. I want this, Sera. I need this! -I want this, Sera. I need this! Please, Yuri. -You have been lonely? I've been all right. -I've been all right. I will keep you safe. We are both older. -You have been lonely? I am lonely, Yuri. -I'm pleased with you, Sera... how you have moved up in the world. I showed you a glamorous world when I took you off the streets... and how you repay me. Where have you been staying? -Where have you been staying? With an old friend. -It is, after all, Sera, my money. Yes, of course. How much do you need? -Yes, of course. How much do you need? All of it. I need to buy many things... all of it! -Where have you been? It was a slow night. I went to a hotel for a few drinks. -A full night on the street and this is all? Like I said... it was a slow night... I'm sorry. It was hard to score. -Don't hit me. What do you think... you are sixteen years old on Hollywood Boulevard? -Yes? What? It's me, Yuri. -Have you told anyone that I'm here? No. -Go, Sera. Go. Stay at home. I will call you tomorrow. Yuri... are you... -Yuri... are you... Sera... please go. -Harvard Law School? That's right. -That's right. But it's a top three school -- -But it's a top three school -- I have a 4.0. -I have a 4.0. "Yes, but your major is Fashion Merchandising. Harvard won't be impressed that you aced ""History of Lycra"". What are your backups?" -"Yes, but your major is Fashion Merchandising. Harvard won't be impressed that you aced ""History of Lycra"". What are your backups?" I don't need backups. Harvard is the school I'm going to. -Well, then. You'll need excellent recommendations from your professors, a heck of an admissions essay and at least a one-seventy-five on your LSATs. I once had to judge a Theta Chi Tighty- Whitey contest. Trust me -- I can handle anything. -What alibi? I can't tell you. -I can't tell you. You understand you're on trial for murder? -You understand you're on trial for murder? I didn't do it! I walked in, saw my husband lying on the floor, bent down to check his heart, screamed my head off and Chutney and Enrique ran inside. -I didn't do it! I walked in, saw my husband lying on the floor, bent down to check his heart, screamed my head off and Chutney and Enrique ran inside. Where they saw you standing over the body covered in his blood. -Why would I kill my husband? Insurance? A love affair? Pure unadulterated hatred? Believe me, the DA will come up with plenty of reasons. -Insurance? A love affair? Pure unadulterated hatred? Believe me, the DA will come up with plenty of reasons. I loved him! -I loved him! He was thirty-four years older than you. That doesn't sound so good to a jury. -Brooke, I believe you. But a jury is gonna want an alibi. I can't give you that. And if you put me on the stand, I'll lie. -Were you with another man? Go to hell. -Go to hell. I'll take that as a no. -I'll take that as a no. Are we done for today? -Are we done for today? I believe we are. -What're you so happy about? You're on trial for murder. Get up. -Get up. What? -What? You're fired. I have new representation. -You're fired. I have new representation. Who? -Is he always such an ass? He's the top defense attorney in the state. Of course he's an ass. -He's the top defense attorney in the state. Of course he's an ass. But is he an ass that's gonna win my case? -But is he an ass that's gonna win my case? He's an ass that's gonna try. -He's an ass that's gonna try. He thinks I'm guilty, doesn't he? -He thinks I'm guilty, doesn't he? That's not what's important. -That's not what's important. To me it is. He doesn't trust me. Why should I trust him? -I'm a Delta Gamma and I'm a huge fan of yours! You took my class in LA. You had the best high kick I've ever seen. Are you one of my lawyers? -You took my class in LA. You had the best high kick I've ever seen. Are you one of my lawyers? Sort of. -Are you okay? You look so sad... and so orange. I'm glad it's you and not Donovan. -I'm glad it's you and not Donovan. He means well. He's really brilliant and all. -Elle, I can't. You don't understand. Who could better understand than me? -It's so shameful... Whatever it is -- it could save you. -Whatever it is -- it could save you. That's just it -- it would ruin me! -That's just it -- it would ruin me! How? -I have made my fortune on my ability to teach women how to perfect their bodies with the Brooke's Butt Buster workout. I know! You helped me go from a six to a four! -No! I'm a fraud! But it's not like normal people can have this ass! If my fans knew, I'd lose everything. I've already lost my husband. I rather be in jail then lose my reputation! -I'm not having an affair with Enrique -- you know a Delta Gamma would never sleep with a man who wears a thong! I just liked watching him bend over to clean the filter -- I believe you! Don't worry. -What's going on? Enrique's gay. I'm sure of it. -Enrique's gay. I'm sure of it. He did leave a Cher tape in the pool house once -- -I got out of the shower, walked downstairs, saw her standing over my father, and called the police. Did she have a weapon in her hand? -Did she have a weapon in her hand? No. -No. Was there any reason for you to believe she had discarded a weapon? -Was there any reason for you to believe she had discarded a weapon? Uh, yeah, because the bitch shot him. -Uh, yeah, because the bitch shot him. Was there any evidence that Mrs. Windham shot him? -Was there any evidence that Mrs. Windham shot him? His dead body with a bullet in it. -Okay -- Ms. Windham, when you uh arrived back at the house? Was your father there? Not that I saw. But like I said, I went straight upstairs to take a shower. -Not that I saw. But like I said, I went straight upstairs to take a shower. And when you came downstairs, what happened? -And when you came downstairs, what happened? I saw Brooke standing over his body, drenched in his blood. -I saw Brooke standing over his body, drenched in his blood. But Mrs. Windham didn't have a gun? -But Mrs. Windham didn't have a gun? No, she'd stashed it by then. -Did you hear a shot fired? No. I was in the shower. -No. I was in the shower. So at some point in the -- twenty minutes you were in the shower, your father was shot? -So at some point in the -- twenty minutes you were in the shower, your father was shot? I guess. -But you didn't hear the shot, because you were in the shower. Yes. I was washing my hair. -Miss Windham, can you tell us what you'd been doing earlier in the day? I got up, went to Starbucks, went to the gym, got a perm, and came home. -I got up, went to Starbucks, went to the gym, got a perm, and came home. Where you got in the shower. -Where you got in the shower. Yes. -Yes, Your Honor. Had you ever gotten a perm before, Miss Windham? Yes. -How many, would you say? Two a year since I was twelve. You do the math. -Two a year since I was twelve. You do the math. You know, a girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinko, got a perm once. Even though we all told her not to. Curls really weren't the right look for her -- She didn't have your bone structure. -Chutney, why is it that Tracy Marcinko's curls were ruined when she got hosed down? Because they got wet. -Because they got wet. That's right. Because isn't the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you are forbidden to wet your hair for at least twenty-four hours after getting a perm at the risk of de-activating the ammonium thiglycolate? -And if you in fact, heard the gunshot, then Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which would mean that you would've had to have found Mrs. Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story sound plausible. Isn't that right? She's younger than I am. Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone younger than you? -She's younger than I am. Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone younger than you? You, however, had time to hide the gun, didn't you, Chutney? After you shot your father? -Dewey Newcomb? Who's askin'? -Who's askin'? I'm Elle Woods. Ms. Bonafante's attorney. -Come again? Due to the fact that you retained the residence, Ms. Bonafante is entitled to full ownership of the canine property in question and we will be enforcing said ownership immediately. -Due to the fact that you retained the residence, Ms. Bonafante is entitled to full ownership of the canine property in question and we will be enforcing said ownership immediately. Huh? -Huh? Tell him, Paulette. -All I know is -- it's not Brooke. That's touching, Elle, but we need an alibi. -Did you get it? Yes. But I can't tell you what it is. -Why the hell not? I promised her I'd keep it secret. I can't break the bonds of sisterhood! -What are you talking about? He's gay -- he isn't Brooke's lover! He's making it up. Whoever killed Heyworth is paying him off. -Good work today, Ms. Woods. Thank you! -Sit down. Is everything okay? -Is everything okay? You followed your intuition today and you were right on target. I should've listened. -You followed your intuition today and you were right on target. I should've listened. Thank you. -Thank you. About the alibi -- -I'm sorry, but -- I'm impressed that you took the initiative to go there and get it. That's what makes a good lawyer. And on top of that, you gained the client's trust and kept it. That's what makes a great lawyer. You're smart, Elle. Smarter than most of the guys I have on my payroll. -I think it's time discuss your career path. Have you thought about where you might be a summer associate? Not really. I know how competitive it all is -- -You're hitting on me? You're a beautiful girl, Elle. -You're a beautiful girl, Elle. So everything you just said -- -So everything you just said -- I'm a man who knows what I want. -You're not going up there. Yes, I am. -I do. I'm not allowing it. "But you agreed last night. In the office? When we were discussing my ""career""?" -What did you see when you entered the house? I saw Mrs. Windham standing over the body of Mr. Windham. -I saw Mrs. Windham standing over the body of Mr. Windham. Was she carrying a weapon? -Was she carrying a weapon? No, she was crying her eyes out. -So she was distraught that her husband was dead? Oh, yes. Mrs. Windham is the most sweet, wonderful woman I know. I have loved her since the day she hired me. She could never do something this awful. I know this because we are very close. -Mr. Salvatore, do you have any proof that you and Mrs. Windham were having an affair? Just the love in my heart. -What's going on? Donovan's firm is defending a major murder case and his caseload is so heavy he's taking on first year interns. -Donovan's firm is defending a major murder case and his caseload is so heavy he's taking on first year interns. He chose them already? -Why didn't you call me? What? -What? We spend a beautiful night together and then I never hear from you again? -We spend a beautiful night together and then I never hear from you again? -- uh -- -I'm sorry? For what? Breaking my heart or ruining sex for me with any other man? -For what? Breaking my heart or ruining sex for me with any other man? Uh -- both? -Uh -- both? Forget it. I've already spent too many hours crying over you. -Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Rule 3:03. See? -Yes? Aristotle. -Yes? Would you be willing to stake your life on it? -Would you be willing to stake your life on it? I think so... -I think so... How about -- --- his life? I don't know. -I don't know. Well, I recommend knowing before speaking. The law leaves much room for interpretation -- but very little for self-doubt. -You can't even imagine. Spill. -After you went to all that trouble? Well, what am I supposed to do? He's engaged! She's got the family six- carat on her bony, unpolished finger. -Well, what am I supposed to do? He's engaged! She's got the family six- carat on her bony, unpolished finger. "You're asking the wrong girl. I'm with my guy eight years and then one day it's ""I met someone else. Move out.""" -"You're asking the wrong girl. I'm with my guy eight years and then one day it's ""I met someone else. Move out.""" What'd you do? -What'd you do? Cried a lot and gained twenty pounds. Dewey kept the trailer and my precious baby Rufus. I got jackcrap. -I didn't even get to go to his birthday party. No! -No! What could I do? He's a man who followed his pecker to greener pastures. I'm a middle- aged high-school dropout with stretch marks and a fat ass. Happens every day. At least to women like me. -What could I do? He's a man who followed his pecker to greener pastures. I'm a middle- aged high-school dropout with stretch marks and a fat ass. Happens every day. At least to women like me. That's terrible! -That's terrible! So, what's this Sarah got that you don't? Three tits? -So, what's this Sarah got that you don't? Three tits? She's from Connecticut. She belongs to his stupid country club. -She's from Connecticut. She belongs to his stupid country club. Is she as pretty as you? -Is she? She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but she's not completely unfortunate-looking. -"Could I be anymore goddamn spastic? So you're sure, this Warner guy is ""the one""?" Definitely! I love him! -You showed up Warner in class? You're supposed to be showing up Sarah. I couldn't help it! It was the most fun I've had since I've been in law school. Not only was I good enough for Warner -- I was better than him. He has to see serious I am now. Even Donovan was impressed, and he's a total hard-ass. -You ready? No. -No. Yes, you are. Go -- you can do this. -God, that felt great! Look at him. He's still scratching his head. -Look at him. He's still scratching his head. Which must be a nice vacation for his balls... -I feel so bad for her. I mean, she's in jail! And she's innocent. But I'm the only one who believes her. Donovan totally thinks she's guilty. That's because men are big, fat retards who don't -- Oh, my God... -So, this is the only interaction you two have ever had? "No. Sometimes I say ""Okay"" instead of ""Fine""." -"No. Sometimes I say ""Okay"" instead of ""Fine""." Have you ever considered asking him if he'd like a cold beverage? Or perhaps a neck massage? -Have you ever considered asking him if he'd like a cold beverage? Or perhaps a neck massage? What's the point? Look at me. -What's the point? Look at me. I am. And I'm looking at a beautiful, fabulous, sexy woman. -Good one. Trust me. You've got the equipment, you just need to read the manual. -And after they set his nose, he came back for his truck and I offered to drive for him since he was still on pain-killers and we spent the whole afternoon together! He was unconscious for part of it, but it was really fun! I'm so happy for you! -I'm so happy for you! How'd it go at the trial? -How'd it go at the trial? "Great. Donovan actually said the words ""Good work, Ms. Woods"". He takes me seriously! Can you believe it?" -"Great. Donovan actually said the words ""Good work, Ms. Woods"". He takes me seriously! Can you believe it?" Of course I can believe it. You're going to make a great lawyer. -You can't go home! What's the point of staying? All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs. No one's ever going to take me seriously. The people at law school don't, Warner doesn't -- I don't even think my parents take me seriously. They wanted me to grow up and become a Victoria's Secret model who marries a rock star. Now, for the first time, it seemed like someone expected me to do something better with my life than wear underwear for a living. But I was kidding myself -- Donovan didn't see me as a lawyer. He saw me as a piece of ass just like everyone else. It turns out, I am a joke. -I'm here to see Brooke Windham. Licensed attorney or family member? -Licensed attorney or family member? Uh -- family. -Uh -- family. Relation? -Relation? I'm her sister. -I'm her sister. Name? -Name? Delta. Gamma. -Hi. Sarah Knottingham. You know her? -Our group is full. Oh, God, was this like an RSVP thing? -The idiot speaks. Although Mr. Huntington makes an excellent point, I have to wonder if the defendant kept a thorough record of each sperm emission made throughout his life? -I believe her, too. I don't think she's having an affair with Enrique. Too bad you and I are the only ones. -Too bad you and I are the only ones. I'm still can't believe you didn't tell Donovan the alibi. -It's not my alibi to tell -- I know. I thought that was very -- classy of you. -I know. I thought that was very -- classy of you. Really? Thanks. -Warner can't even do his own laundry. I know. He has it sent out. -I know. He has it sent out. Did you know he got wait-listed when he applied? His father had to make a call. -Did you know he got wait-listed when he applied? His father had to make a call. You're kidding! -Donovan asked to see you before you leave. Really? -Really? He's already got his coffee -- maybe he needs a donut. -You almost had me fooled. What? -What? Maybe you should sleep with the judge too. Then we can win the case. -I'm a bitch. Yes, you are. -Yes, you are. And Donovan's a scumbag for coming on to you. -And Donovan's a scumbag for coming on to you. Yes, he is. -You're pawning The Rock?! Hell, yes. We've got finals to study for. In Jamaica. -Can someone please tell Rick that he is not the only Sigma Chi with a big penis? You guys are so sweet! -Why else would she have flown in from Newport? It's not like she'd Fed Ex a six carat diamond. You think? -Too demure? I think you should go with red. It's the color of confidence. -I think you should go with red. It's the color of confidence. Well, I don't want to look like I know what's coming... -What if -- you know -- it's not the night? Why else would he be taking you to The Ivy? You've been dating for a year -- it's not like he's trying to impress you. -I don't know! Everything was normal at first and then he said he needed someone more -- Serious! Serious?! Who the hell does he think he is? You're the most popular month on the USC calendar! -We still love you. Sisters forever! Thank you. I love you, too. -Honey, stop! You have to leave this room -- it's been a week. So? -Once Warner sees me as a serious law student, he'll want me back. It's a completely brilliant plan! But isn't it kind of hard to get into law school? -But isn't it kind of hard to get into law school? I have the highest GPA in Delta Gamma! -Here. You're gonna need this. Your scrunchie? -Your scrunchie? My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish. -"Elle, do you know what happened on ""Days of Our Lives"" yesterday?" Why, yes, Margot, I do. Once again, we joined Hope in the search for her identity. As you know, she's been brainwashed by the evil Stefano -- -It's Elle! Guess what I'm doing right this second? Power yoga? -Power yoga? Picking out my wedding dress! -Picking out my wedding dress! What?! -What?! Josh proposed! -Josh proposed! No way -- -Keep June first open -- you're one of my bridesmaids. And give Warner our love. I will... -Oh, how sweet! You made friends with a nerdy girl. Margot! -Speaking of which, can you please put on some party clothes? You look like someone rolled you in something sticky and dragged you through a K- Mart. I can't believe you guys are actually here -- but this case is important. I'll make it up to you after finals, okay? I -- promise. I really want to do a good job. -Hello! You're like, a lawyer. Not yet. -Do they just -- put you on the spot like that? Like, all the time? The professors? Yeah, they tend to do that. Socratic method. -The professors? Yeah, they tend to do that. Socratic method. And if you don't know the answer, they just kick you out? -You have Stromwell. Did she do that to you, too? -Did she do that to you, too? No, but she made me cry once. Not in class -- I waited until I got to my room, but yeah, she can pretty much shrivel your balls -- or you know, your whatevers. -No, but she made me cry once. Not in class -- I waited until I got to my room, but yeah, she can pretty much shrivel your balls -- or you know, your whatevers. Neat. -Neat. Don't worry. It gets better. Who else do you have? -Donovan, Royalton and Levinson. Speak up in Donovan's class. He likes people with an opinion. Sit in the back for Royalton. He tends to spit when he talks about products liability. -And make sure you read the footnotes in Levinson's class. That's where all her exam questions come from. Wow. I'm glad I met you. -Good luck. Thanks again for your help! -Don't ask. I wasn't gonna -- -Okay, if Brooke didn't kill the guy, who did? My money's on the angry daughter or the ex-wife. -Explain to me why you're so anti- Brooke. Uh, for starters, she won't give us an alibi -- -Uh, for starters, she won't give us an alibi -- Aside from that. -Aside from that. She's completely untrustworthy. -She's completely untrustworthy. Why? -Why? She married an old man, she's made a living on telling women they're too fat, she hawks her crap on the Home Shopping Network... -She married an old man, she's made a living on telling women they're too fat, she hawks her crap on the Home Shopping Network... A) He's an old man with a really big penis. B) She never told me I was fat. And C) Victoria Principal sells on that network. -A) He's an old man with a really big penis. B) She never told me I was fat. And C) Victoria Principal sells on that network. And D) Brooke is obviously hiding something. -And D) Brooke is obviously hiding something. But maybe it's not what you think. -But maybe it's not what you think. But maybe it is -- -You're kind of being a butt-head right now. How do you figure? -How do you figure? Because people aren't always what they seem to be and you refuse to see that. Have a little faith. You might be surprised. -I can't believe you called me a butthead. No one's called me a butt- head since ninth grade. Maybe not to your face... -Damn. We can't see her for an hour? No, she can't move for an hour. -Mrs. Windham Vandermark? We're here from Austen, Platt, Jaret & Donovan -- -She's not! Did your daughter ever say anything to you about Brooke and Heyworth's relationship? -How can you still believe she's innocent? You're going to trust the word of a woman who named her child after a condiment? She's ly-ing. -You're going to trust the word of a woman who named her child after a condiment? She's ly-ing. And you know this for a fact? -And you know this for a fact? Did you see the icky black color of her hair? -Did you see the icky black color of her hair? So? -So? I never trust a woman who's not blonde. Except for my friend Serena, but that's only because she's a blonde at heart. That's the whole reason I'm starting the Blonde Legal Defense Fund. -The what? "Blondes are discriminated against worldwide! Brooke's a blonde, and people are saying she's sleeping with the cheesy pool boy and shooting her husband. If she was a mousy brunette, it would be, ""Oh, the poor widow.""" -"Blondes are discriminated against worldwide! Brooke's a blonde, and people are saying she's sleeping with the cheesy pool boy and shooting her husband. If she was a mousy brunette, it would be, ""Oh, the poor widow.""" You're serious? -Okay, how would it work? It would be a full-service law firm, by and for blondes, providing positive blonde role models and community outreach in high blonde areas. I mean, think about it -- name one blonde intellectual role model. -It would be a full-service law firm, by and for blondes, providing positive blonde role models and community outreach in high blonde areas. I mean, think about it -- name one blonde intellectual role model. I can't. -I can't. That is a direct result of anti- blonde discrimination! -That is a direct result of anti- blonde discrimination! Wait -- Hilary Clinton. -Wait -- Hilary Clinton. If she were a true blonde, she would've left the cheating bastard. Blondes don't let their husbands get fellated by brunettes and live to tell about it. -In that case, maybe Heyworth got fellated by a brunette and Brooke caught him. Exactly how much gorilla sex do you think a sixty-year-old man can take? -Exactly how much gorilla sex do you think a sixty-year-old man can take? That's not really a topic that keeps me up at night -- but maybe it should. -What the hell is that for? The bags under your eyes. You're an attractive man, but you need to take better care of yourself. -The bags under your eyes. You're an attractive man, but you need to take better care of yourself. I don't -- Do that stuff. -I don't -- Do that stuff. Well, you should -- If you look good, you feel good and if you feel good, you project joy into the world. -Well, you should -- If you look good, you feel good and if you feel good, you project joy into the world. Projecting joy is not my job. -Projecting joy is not my job. Fine. Sorry I brought it up. -You really think I'm attractive? For a butt-head? Yes. -He's gay! Enrique is gay! What?! -Back up. How do you know he's gay? Gay men know designers. Straight men don't. -Hey -- I'm quitting. -Whoa -- Why? Law school was a mistake. Getting this internship was a mistake. -Law school was a mistake. Getting this internship was a mistake. What're you talking about? You earned it -- -So now you're -- ? Going back to LA. Maybe I can fulfill my destiny as a useless bimbo and join the Swedish Bikini Team. No more navy blue suits. No more panty- hose. No more trying to be something I'm not. -Going back to LA. Maybe I can fulfill my destiny as a useless bimbo and join the Swedish Bikini Team. No more navy blue suits. No more panty- hose. No more trying to be something I'm not. What if you're trying to be something you are? The hell with Donovan. Stay. -Oh, my God! Oh, my God!! -Up for a celebration dinner? Are you asking me on a date? -Are you asking me on a date? As long as you realize I'm not just some man-toy you can show off like a trophy. -As long as you realize I'm not just some man-toy you can show off like a trophy. Then, forget it. Besides, I have an early class tomorrow. -Then, forget it. Besides, I have an early class tomorrow. So Friday at eight? -Someone missed you. Is he the only one? -Is he the only one? What do you think? -But I'm not positive it's gonna happen tonight -- "Helloo... he just had lunch with his grandmother. You know he got ""The Rock""." -No -- it's just -- not me. I'm canceling the mixer. We'll blacklist Sigma Chi. -I'm canceling the mixer. We'll blacklist Sigma Chi. Thank you, Serena, but I don't think it'll do any good. -Thank you, Serena, but I don't think it'll do any good. What happened? -Oh, he is so over on this campus. I just don't understand what went wrong -- -How could this happen? I don't know! I don't know anything any more! I just need to be by myself. -I don't know! I don't know anything any more! I just need to be by myself. Are you sure? -Girls -- I'm going to Harvard! What, like on va-kay? -Calvin Klein's spring line is atrocious. Don't you agree? Absolutely! -Almost. Well, hurry up so you can come home! We miss you! -Well, hurry up so you can come home! We miss you! I miss you guys! The people here are so vile! Hardly anyone even talks to me unless it's to say something that's not nice. Law school sucks! -I miss you guys! The people here are so vile! Hardly anyone even talks to me unless it's to say something that's not nice. Law school sucks! Oh, my God! I completely forgot to tell you! -Oh, my God! I completely forgot to tell you! What? -What? I got bangs! -I got bangs! Really -- -What're you doing here?! We're on our way to the bridal show in New York so we thought we'd rescue you from law school for the night. -You guys -- I can't. We're in the middle of a trial. Where's Warner? -I wish we could stay longer, but I have a game. I can't believe you're a Laker Girl! -Neither. Why not? -Why not? I'd rather have a client who's innocent. -Yes? Ms. Woods? I changed my mind. I'd pick the dangerous one. -I did? You're applying for my internship, aren't you? -You're applying for my internship, aren't you? I don't know -- -I don't know -- You should. Do you have a resume? -You should. Do you have a resume? I do. -It's pink. And engraved... Gives it that extra little something, doesn't it? See you tomorrow! -Maiden name -- Daniels. You know her? She was a Delta Gamma! Not in my pledge class or anything -- she graduated five years ahead of me. But I used to take her class at the LA Sports Club. She's amazing! -Amazing how? She could make you drop three pounds in one class. She's completely gifted! -She could make you drop three pounds in one class. She's completely gifted! Well, in all likelihood, she's completely guilty as well. She was seen standing over her husband's dead body. -His twenty-seven year old daughter and the pool boy. Maybe she found him like that. -Maybe she found him like that. That's the story she'll be telling the jury. We just have to prove it. -You don't really believe she's innocent? Of course, I do! -Class schedule, map, book list. Has Warner Huntington checked in yet? -Has Warner Huntington checked in yet? Uh, no. Maybe you should try the Lido deck. -Wait -- my social events schedule is missing. Your what? -Your what? You know -- mixers, formals, beach trips. -You know -- mixers, formals, beach trips. There's a pizza welcome lunch in twenty minutes. Does that count? -There's a pizza welcome lunch in twenty minutes. Does that count? I guess it'll have to... -You're beautiful. So are you! -I'm fully amenable to that discussion. I mean, we're having a lot of fun now -- but things are gonna be different when I'm at Harvard. Law school is a completely different world. I need to be serious. -I mean, we're having a lot of fun now -- but things are gonna be different when I'm at Harvard. Law school is a completely different world. I need to be serious. Of course. -Of course. My family expects a lot from me. And I expect a lot from me. I plan on running for office some day. -My family expects a lot from me. And I expect a lot from me. I plan on running for office some day. And I fully support that. -And I fully support that. But the thing is, if I'm gonna be a senator by the time I'm thirty -- I can't keep dicking around. -But the thing is, if I'm gonna be a senator by the time I'm thirty -- I can't keep dicking around. I completely agree. -I completely agree. That's why I think it's time for us to -- -I'm sorry, Elle, I just -- You're breaking up with me?! I thought you were proposing. -You're breaking up with me?! I thought you were proposing. Proposing?! Elle, If I'm going to be a politician, I need to marry a Jackie, not a -- Marilyn. -Proposing?! Elle, If I'm going to be a politician, I need to marry a Jackie, not a -- Marilyn. You're breaking up with me because I'm too -- blonde? -You're breaking up with me because I'm too -- blonde? That's not entirely -- -That's not entirely -- Then what? My boobs are too big? -Then what? My boobs are too big? Elle -- no -- your boobs are fine -- -C'mon. Let me take you home. No. -No. Elle -- it's twenty miles back to campus. -Elle, believe me, I never expected to be doing this, but I think it's the right thing to do. How can it be the right thing if we're not together? -How can it be the right thing if we're not together? I have to think about my future. And what people expect from me. -I have to think about my future. And what people expect from me. So you're breaking up with me because you're afraid your family won't like me? Everybody likes me! -So you're breaking up with me because you're afraid your family won't like me? Everybody likes me! East coast people are different. -East coast people are different. Just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, all of a sudden I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner! Across the street from Aaron Spelling! I think most people would agree that's way better than a Vanderbilt -- -Just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, all of a sudden I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner! Across the street from Aaron Spelling! I think most people would agree that's way better than a Vanderbilt -- I told you, Elle. I need someone -- serious. -I told you, Elle. I need someone -- serious. I'm seriously in love with you -- Isn't that enough? -What're you talking about? You're not here to see me? No, silly. I go here. -No, silly. I go here. You go where? -You go where? Harvard. Law school. -Harvard. Law school. You got into Harvard Law? -You got into Harvard Law? What, like it's that hard? -Oops! Time for class. Meet me after? On the benches? Uh -- sure. -So -- uh -- how was your first class? Fine. Except for this horrible girl who made me look bad in front of my Civ Pro professor. But no biggie. You're here now. How was your summer? -Good. Good. Do anything exciting? -I'm sorry, I just hallucinated. Sarah was my girlfriend at prep school. We got back together over the summer at my grandmother's birthday party. -Wow. You're a walking felony. Thank you. Having fun? -Thank you. Having fun? Now I am. -Now I am. I feel like we've barely spent any time together since we got here. -I feel like we've barely spent any time together since we got here. That's because I spend all my time with case studies and hypos. -That's because I spend all my time with case studies and hypos. Tell me about it. I can't imagine doing all this and Donovan's internship next year. -Tell me about it. I can't imagine doing all this and Donovan's internship next year. Elle, c'mon, there's no way you'll get the grades to qualify for one of those spots. You're not smart enough. -I didn't mean -- Am I on glue, or did I not get into the same law school you did, Warner? -Am I on glue, or did I not get into the same law school you did, Warner? Well, yeah, but -- -Well, yeah, but -- But what? We took the same LSAT, we take the same classes -- -But what? We took the same LSAT, we take the same classes -- I just don't want to see you get your hopes up. You know how you get. -You look -- nice. Thank you. -If you tell him, you'll probably make summer associate. Who cares about Brooke? Think about yourself. I gave her my word, Warner. -Pink ones. See? -Thanks for the backup. How was I supposed to know what kind of shoes you had on? -It made me realize something. I'm an idiot. Really? -In court. On opposing sides. Are you serious? -Are you serious? Huh. Imagine that. Looks like I am. -Did you ever take Mrs. Windham on a date? Yes. -Yes. Where? -Where? A restaurant in Oakland. Where no one would recognize us. -A restaurant in Oakland. Where no one would recognize us. And how long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham? -And how long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham? Three months. -Three months. And what is your boyfriend's name? -And what is your boyfriend's name? Chuck. -She's naked. I'm covered in very expensive Egyptian mud -- hardly naked. -So, I hear the tart from California shot Heyworth. Well, that's what we're trying to prove didn't happen. Do you have any reason to believe it did? -Well, that's what we're trying to prove didn't happen. Do you have any reason to believe it did? I never met the woman, but from what my daughter tells me, she's quite the cun -- -Aside from the fact that he found her on an infomercial? She said they humped like gorillas. Chutney could hear them all the way in the pool house. I' m sure that was very awkward for Chutney. Much as it is for me, hearing you tell about it. -I' m sure that was very awkward for Chutney. Much as it is for me, hearing you tell about it. But I guess it wasn't enough for Brooke. -But I guess it wasn't enough for Brooke. Why do you say that? -Why do you say that? Haven't you seen the cabana boy? -Hovering? I didn't stick around long enough to watch him stick his swizzle stick in her mouth, but I'd bet my next check that that's where he was about to put it. -Elle? Where's the Rock? -Is it a Kappa? It's not a Theta -- -Oh, God. What if Josh doesn't think I'm serious enough? Helloo... you let him have anal sex with you. Helloo... you let him videotape you diddling yourself. -Helloo... you let him have anal sex with you. Helloo... you let him videotape you diddling yourself. You're right. Phew! -What's the thing that always makes us feel better, no matter what? Cunnilingus? -Let's all go! Road trip! Wait -- Cecil has a condo in Tahoe. Let's go there! -Why?! I mean, I know you're upset and all, but can't you just take a sedative? -You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a hand-job after the final. Yeah, luckily. -There he is! Pull up next to him! -Why so few? Faith. -Fool's magic. Precisely. Faith has persuaded them a pygmie with a sling can kill an armed giant. -Fight's over before it's begun... soon the survivors will be in full retreat. Then we smash 'em? -Then we smash 'em? Anything left for smashing you may happily smash. -You go? Not watch fun? I have something far more pleasant awaiting me. -We come watch... we come watch... Nay. This is a private affair, no audience welcome... Better you watch the dismantling of our enemies... and, look you, see the moat is set aflame. -Nay. This is a private affair, no audience welcome... Better you watch the dismantling of our enemies... and, look you, see the moat is set aflame. Fire moat... why do that? -Fire moat... why do that? Purely a precaution... -What? Delusion... a kind of magic which works against the magician. -Dumb magic. Giant smash peewee. Always. -Always. We go out, smash 'em now? -We go out, smash 'em now? No. Smashing is not required. I have a surprise for our tiny invaders... Raise that hatch! -Birdies... pretty... I doubt the faeries will admire their beauty... Come, this will be fun to watch. -We watch... good fun... Indeed, the best of fun... Enjoy yourselves. -More fun win battle? This is another victory, my friends. What began with the lash shall be concluded with a caress. -This is another victory, my friends. What began with the lash shall be concluded with a caress. You go to lady now? -You go to lady now? To finish last evening's delightful work. -My generosity is not so large as that. What do you want with me? -What do you want with me? Your love. -Your love. Your words sting more sharply than your whip. -Your words sting more sharply than your whip. I speak of love, and you think only of the lash. -I speak of love, and you think only of the lash. You are cruel! Your heartless jesting worse than torture! How can you speak of love when you see what I am! -You are cruel! Your heartless jesting worse than torture! How can you speak of love when you see what I am! I like well what I see. It pleases me. -I like well what I see. It pleases me. But I'm hideous! -But I'm hideous! You're magnificent. -You're magnificent. Grotesque... monstrous... -Grotesque... monstrous... On the contrary! The puling, pallid creature you were before was truly something disgusting. Now you are splendid... a fierce goddess... the embodiment of all that is strong and beautiful. -On the contrary! The puling, pallid creature you were before was truly something disgusting. Now you are splendid... a fierce goddess... the embodiment of all that is strong and beautiful. You lie! You wish to humiliate me, as if the form I'm forced to bear were not punishment enough! -You lie! You wish to humiliate me, as if the form I'm forced to bear were not punishment enough! You should glory in your animal nature. It is your triumph! None know that better than I! -God protect me. Not from me, surely... -Not from me, surely... You... you're a beast! -You... you're a beast! We're all of us beasts, my dear. Only most are afraid to show it. -We're all of us beasts, my dear. Only most are afraid to show it. And you... are you not also afraid? -And you... are you not also afraid? I am afraid of nothing. -I am afraid of nothing. Then why hide behind a mask? You are ashamed! -Then why hide behind a mask? You are ashamed! I know no more of shame than I do of fear. I wear this mask not for concealment but protection. -I know no more of shame than I do of fear. I wear this mask not for concealment but protection. Protection? -Protection? I am a creature of darkness. I require the shadow's solace and the black of night... Sunlight is abhorrent to me... I cover myself completely whenever I venture forth in daylight... Sunshine is my destroyer. -I am a creature of darkness. I require the shadow's solace and the black of night... Sunlight is abhorrent to me... I cover myself completely whenever I venture forth in daylight... Sunshine is my destroyer. Like some vile toadstool. -Like some vile toadstool. I prefer to think, more like the sagacious owl. -I prefer to think, more like the sagacious owl. Do you feed on mice and rats? -Do you feed on mice and rats? I prefer a plump capon, but will happily serve you rats if they're to your liking. -I prefer a plump capon, but will happily serve you rats if they're to your liking. Why have you brought me here? -Why have you brought me here? To be my bride, of course. -To be my bride, of course. I'd soon die. -Damn you! We're both of us damned, my beauty. -When the time's come, you won't need to jump, I'll throw you out myself! Do it now! -Do it now! No. Now is the time for discipline. Some lessons in obedience for the future Baroness. -Jack... Oh, Jack... Help me... Too bad your precious Jack can't hear you... the damsel in distress... A rescue attempt would be most amusing... We could flay sweet Jack alive as an after-dinner entertainment... -Your moans seem almost pleasurable, my dear... developing a taste for the lash? Kill me... I want... so nice... -Kill me... I want... so nice... Why should I kill you? A simple course in etiquette... something your parents sadly overlooked. -No more... please... I can keep a victim alive for weeks... months, if I desire it... it's an art. They beg for death... I keep it just out of their reach. The pain remains constant. -I can keep a victim alive for weeks... months, if I desire it... it's an art. They beg for death... I keep it just out of their reach. The pain remains constant. Don't please... I'll do what you desire... -Sweet Princess, you begin to sound most reasonable. What do you want from me? -What do you want from me? At the moment, very little. Your company at my table... -We'll get you cleaned up, find a suitable gown... I imagine you'll enjoy a good meal? Oh, yes... -Oh, yes... A few day's nourishment will see your strength returning. -A few day's nourishment will see your strength returning. And then? -And then? Yes? -Yes? What will become of me then? -What will become of me then? When you are ripe for my pleasure, I will enjoy the harvest. -When you are ripe for my pleasure, I will enjoy the harvest. I see... -I see... I'm pleased you're not troubled by the prospect... -I'm pleased you're not troubled by the prospect... Do as you wish with my body, you'll never possess my soul! -Do as you wish with my body, you'll never possess my soul! Your soul...? Why should I bother with such a paltry trifle? -Your soul...? Why should I bother with such a paltry trifle? I don't expect you'd understand. -I don't expect you'd understand. My dear Princess, the human soul is a highly elusive commodity. I suggest you spend some hours before the glass. Contemplate your intriguing reflection and consider whether such a creature as yourself could possibly possess something as fine and beautiful as a soul. -You're a beast! Indeed I am, my dear... that makes us a pair! -What was that? Did you hear that? It's nothing. My men take great delight in routing the enemy. Don't trouble yourself, beauty. -It's nothing. My men take great delight in routing the enemy. Don't trouble yourself, beauty. It sounded like it came from the courtyard. -It sounded like it came from the courtyard. From the parapets most likely. The men are amused by a battlefield entertainment of my own contriving. -From the parapets most likely. The men are amused by a battlefield entertainment of my own contriving. Might we watch, too? -Might we watch, too? Later, beloved... Now I wish only to be with you... -And I with you... I never dreamed life held such pleasures... Pleasure is for those who seize it! Do you think those insipid, pale- skinned mortals will ever know such rapture? -Pleasure is for those who seize it! Do you think those insipid, pale- skinned mortals will ever know such rapture? It's odd... when I first found myself... changing... I was sick with loathing and disgust. I thought I was so ugly I wanted to die... -It's odd... when I first found myself... changing... I was sick with loathing and disgust. I thought I was so ugly I wanted to die... And, now? -And, now? Now I want to live forever. I've never felt so strong or happy. -Now I want to live forever. I've never felt so strong or happy. Or looked so beautiful... -Or looked so beautiful... Yes. I feel that, too. Weakness is what is ugly. -Yes. I feel that, too. Weakness is what is ugly. Precisely, my darling. Your animal strength, your primitive power has surfaced... you are what you desire. -Precisely, my darling. Your animal strength, your primitive power has surfaced... you are what you desire. To be strong and free... that is all I desire. -To be strong and free... that is all I desire. So you shall be... Like our brothers, the hawk and the wolf, our spirits know no master... we are created in the pure image of the savage God that set our turbulent universe in motion. -What you do, boy? You be velly solly, come here intellupt my sleep. I didn't know... I -- -I didn't know... I -- What? Speakee loud! No hear velly good. -What? Speakee loud! No hear velly good. I said, I mean no harm... I thought this as empty tomb. -I said, I mean no harm... I thought this as empty tomb. You come stealee tleasoo? -You come stealee tleasoo? Oh, no, never... nothing like that... never crossed my mind. -Oh, no, never... nothing like that... never crossed my mind. No need lie, boy. I no hurt you. Do I look like I wanna hurt you? -No need lie, boy. I no hurt you. Do I look like I wanna hurt you? Well, er... no. I mean, you don't look like dragons I've heard of. -Well, er... no. I mean, you don't look like dragons I've heard of. Course not. I no flum here. I come flum Cathay. -Course not. I no flum here. I come flum Cathay. Cathay? -Cathay? Country fa' fa' away. To the East, beyond the lising sun... -Country fa' fa' away. To the East, beyond the lising sun... East of Mercia? -East of Mercia? You got no idee. People there lookee diffelent; speakee diffelent. Nothing the same. In my countlee I bling good luck. Makee lain and thunder. -You got no idee. People there lookee diffelent; speakee diffelent. Nothing the same. In my countlee I bling good luck. Makee lain and thunder. You don't ravage the countryside, devouring maidens and burning the crops? -You don't ravage the countryside, devouring maidens and burning the crops? Dlagon not like that. Dlagon is spilit of life... spilit of stlength and goodness. -Dlagon not like that. Dlagon is spilit of life... spilit of stlength and goodness. Then you'll understand my quest. An ogre named Blackheart has killed the last stag unicorn and stolen his horn. The world outside is cursed, plunged into eternal winter. Unless I return the alicorn, the earth will be frozen forever. -Then you'll understand my quest. An ogre named Blackheart has killed the last stag unicorn and stolen his horn. The world outside is cursed, plunged into eternal winter. Unless I return the alicorn, the earth will be frozen forever. Flozen foleva not good. -Flozen foleva not good. It's terrible. -It's terrible. An' how you do it? How you rift cuss? -An' how you do it? How you rift cuss? I need your help. In order to fight Blackheart, I must wear the armor of Achilles. I -- -I need your help. In order to fight Blackheart, I must wear the armor of Achilles. I -- You come stealee tleasoo? -You come stealee tleasoo? Oh no... Don't you understand? -No, wait... please... listen... No more listening! Your time is at an end, insignificant whelp! -Friend Ogg. Excuse our enthusiasm, occasioned as it was by a fondness for you. Honeythorn Gump, is it? I've not seen your ugly face since you sold me a jug of cow piss claiming it was dragon's tears. -Honeythorn Gump, is it? I've not seen your ugly face since you sold me a jug of cow piss claiming it was dragon's tears. Well, bygones're bygones, I always say. -Well, bygones're bygones, I always say. Or was it the time you and Jimmy Squarefoot stole the golden apples I'd forged. -Or was it the time you and Jimmy Squarefoot stole the golden apples I'd forged. Twas Jimmy done that, I merely stood for the blame unfairly... but, here now, Ogg, this be no time to rehash old differences, I've friends along in need of safe haven for the night. -Twas Jimmy done that, I merely stood for the blame unfairly... but, here now, Ogg, this be no time to rehash old differences, I've friends along in need of safe haven for the night. Who might these friends be? -Who might these friends be? Screwball you know, and many other of the wee folk. We serve as escort for our grand champion, Jack o' the Green. -Baron Couer de Noir is a blight 'gainst all nature. We dwarves be not fighters; still we are with you in this battle. Some of our handiwork may be of assistance. We be honored, friend Ogg. -We be honored, friend Ogg. There's a coil of golden thread fine as spider web yet naught can break it... and a silver key no lock can resist. -So, Jack... think you be a Green Man and not know Gump. Gump, is it? -Gump, is it? Aye, Honeythorn Gump, come to serenade you, Jack... come to make you dance. -Aye, Honeythorn Gump, come to serenade you, Jack... come to make you dance. I'm in no mood for dancing. -I'm in no mood for dancing. Oh, but you will be, Jack... Think you to sleep in a faerie ring and not spend the night a-dancing? -Oh, but you will be, Jack... Think you to sleep in a faerie ring and not spend the night a-dancing? Faerie ring? -Faerie ring? To be sure. -No! Tis not the time! I want no part of your frolic. Dance, Jack! The night's but begun. -Enough! And how is it a mortal dare dictate to the faerie folk? Is me music not to your liking? Mayhap the dance of death by more your pleasure. -And how is it a mortal dare dictate to the faerie folk? Is me music not to your liking? Mayhap the dance of death by more your pleasure. No... I... I need to rest. -No... I... I need to rest. You'll have a long, long rest in the tomb, me lad. -You'll have a long, long rest in the tomb, me lad. I meant no disrespect. -I meant no disrespect. Didn't you now? Well then, answer me this riddle and all be forgiven. -Didn't you now? Well then, answer me this riddle and all be forgiven. And if I cannot? -And if I cannot? Why, Jack, then tis your death song I'll be strumming. -It's bluebells! What! -What! The flower. Bluebells. To hear them ringing means your life's at an end. -Damnation! Codfish and cockles! Gammon and trotters! You've bested me, Jack. A riddle without an answer is but an empty cup when you're thirsty for wine. -A riddle without an answer is but an empty cup when you're thirsty for wine. Well spoke. True to the mark. And if it's wine you're wanting, it's wine we shall have. -You be our guest, Jack. I'm honored, Honeythorn Gump... but no more tricks. -I'm honored, Honeythorn Gump... but no more tricks. You have me word, lad. To answer a faerie riddle deserves as much. -You have me word, lad. To answer a faerie riddle deserves as much. Twas the Princess Lili gave me the answer... have you seen her, by chance? -Twas the Princess Lili gave me the answer... have you seen her, by chance? I've laid eyes on no mortal but you this day, Jack. -I've laid eyes on no mortal but you this day, Jack. I fear she's lost. -I fear she's lost. Mayhap you be the one what's lost, and she safe by the castle hearth... but, come Jack, we'll warm your bones. -Why, Jack-lad, she likes you, is all. And what hot-blooded hero wouldn't welcome the affections of a fair nymph like Oona here...? If your blood runs so cold, boy, you be a corpse before your time. What does she want from me? -Elderberry wine. No finer drink under heaven. It looks... er, delicious... Such a fine bouquet... very aromatic... -It looks... er, delicious... Such a fine bouquet... very aromatic... Are ye afraid of me wine? Did your momma tell ye never to take food nor drink from the Wee Folk? Think if ye sup with the faeries you'll be enchanted? -Are ye afraid of me wine? Did your momma tell ye never to take food nor drink from the Wee Folk? Think if ye sup with the faeries you'll be enchanted? Well... I... I don't want to be rude, but... it's generally known that -- -Well... I... I don't want to be rude, but... it's generally known that -- Generally known! What general ever knew more than to lace up his boots? -Generally known! What general ever knew more than to lace up his boots? Please don't misunderstand. I am grateful for your hospitality and -- -Please don't misunderstand. I am grateful for your hospitality and -- He is afraid of enchantment! Will you listen to the fool prattle on. -But... but, why? Big question that, lad. Why what? -Big question that, lad. Why what? Why has this happened to the world? Why is it winter now, and dark? -Why has this happened to the world? Why is it winter now, and dark? Aye. Honeythorn Gump'd be a powerful wizard indeed could he answer. -Aye. Honeythorn Gump'd be a powerful wizard indeed could he answer. Don't you know? -Don't you know? If you're looking for enchantment, Jack, that I can give thee... -That much magic I can offer ye, a small measure of entertainment at best. Making the world a frozen hell is beyond me modest powers. Then, what's gone wrong? Why did it happen? -Then, what's gone wrong? Why did it happen? If ye want more tricks, I'm your man, but for big questions ye must go elsewhere. -If ye want more tricks, I'm your man, but for big questions ye must go elsewhere. Don't you care about what's happened? -Don't you care about what's happened? Course we care. What good's the world locked in a season of death. Frozen up, no folks to scare out of their wits on a summer's night; no babies to tickle; no more spells to cast... Think that's an enjoyable prospect? -Course we care. What good's the world locked in a season of death. Frozen up, no folks to scare out of their wits on a summer's night; no babies to tickle; no more spells to cast... Think that's an enjoyable prospect? There must be an answer somewhere. -There must be an answer somewhere. True... But it won't come easy or free. If ye want to ask, ask Jenny Greenteeth. -True... But it won't come easy or free. If ye want to ask, ask Jenny Greenteeth. Jenny Greenteeth? Who's she? -Someone worthy of respect, lad. She be a water spirit, lives in a bog down at sea-side. Hideous creature to look at, even by my doubtful standards; devours little children, she does, when she can catch them. How is it this hag knows the truth? -How is it this hag knows the truth? Think there be truth only in beauty, lad? If you've the courage to ask and take care to avoid her terrible claws, Jenny Greenteeth has the answers you seek. -Think there be truth only in beauty, lad? If you've the courage to ask and take care to avoid her terrible claws, Jenny Greenteeth has the answers you seek. Will you lead me to her? -Will you lead me to her? Aye. On the morrow we go, but tonight... ... tonight is for making merry. -Are we here? Aye. That foul wallow be where Jenny Greenteeth dwells. Oona... lure her out. Play the part of a girl-child. -Aye. That foul wallow be where Jenny Greenteeth dwells. Oona... lure her out. Play the part of a girl-child. What do I do? -What do I do? Don't get caught, that's what! She'll suck your bones like honey- comb. -Here now. Toss her this when you've the chance. Jenny Greenteeth can't resist the sight of herself in a glass. She's terribly vain. Praise her beauty and you'll lull her sweet as a babe in a cradle. And if she thinks me a liar? -And if she thinks me a liar? Fie on what she thinks! You mind her claws and teeth... Cast your spell, Oona. -The princess is dead. Lamentable news, Jack... but tis the fate of the living concerns us now. -Lamentable news, Jack... but tis the fate of the living concerns us now. Did you hear? Twas the killing of the unicorn caused it. -Did you hear? Twas the killing of the unicorn caused it. Aye. Black Baron's mischief. -Aye. Black Baron's mischief. If the horn be restored the curse is ended. -If the horn be restored the curse is ended. Time for a champion. Can you do more than pick acorns and rob bird's nests, Jack? -Time for a champion. Can you do more than pick acorns and rob bird's nests, Jack? I'll do what I have to do, for Princess Lili's sake! -I'll do what I have to do, for Princess Lili's sake! Bravely spoke. You've the heart of a champion, true enough. -Bravely spoke. You've the heart of a champion, true enough. Twill take more than heart. Where do we find the armor of Achilles, for a start? -Twill take more than heart. Where do we find the armor of Achilles, for a start? I know where to find it. Taking possession be another matter. -There it be, lad. The Lindfarne Mound. Kings long forgotten lie there, lost in their final sleep. Have we turned grave-robber, then? -Have we turned grave-robber, then? A tomb it once was, boy, and a tomb it may yet be... There's another in residence at Lindfarne now. -A tomb it once was, boy, and a tomb it may yet be... There's another in residence at Lindfarne now. And who might that be? -And who might that be? No less a creature than the Lindfarne Worm. -So I'm to be a dragon-slayer, is that it? Now, Jack-lad, no one's asking ye to skewer the worm. Even St. Michael'd have a job on his hands for all that. But the serpent hoards a pile of booty, Achilles' armor among his treasures... if we find our way within the mound and him asleep... -Now, Jack-lad, no one's asking ye to skewer the worm. Even St. Michael'd have a job on his hands for all that. But the serpent hoards a pile of booty, Achilles' armor among his treasures... if we find our way within the mound and him asleep... Knaves and robbers... -Better pray the worm's a sound sleeper, Jack. You do the praying. I've work ahead. -You do the praying. I've work ahead. There's the spirit, lad. If ye run into trouble, give a yank here and we'll haul ye up. -There's the spirit, lad. If ye run into trouble, give a yank here and we'll haul ye up. What's left of me... How do I recognize the armor of Achilles? -What's left of me... How do I recognize the armor of Achilles? You'll know it when you see it... tis a splendid sight, all covered with gold... Don't fear making noise. Dragons be deaf as tree stumps. -There be no finer victuals than worm flesh, lad. Better we eat him than the other way round. -By the grace of God. No false modesty, lad. You're a proper champion. Achilles' armor sits on you like it was forged to fit. -I believe this is a sword such as the archangels wield. Surely St. Michael had so fine a blade when he drove the serpent from heaven. Well then, you've got the sword and you've got the armor; all's lacking is the steed. -Shhhh! Screwball! You dolt! I've a mind to change you into a toad. -What is it? Something's coming. -Pregnant, is she? It would appear so. -Damn them! Careful, lad. -Don't see why I can't ride, too! I'm second in command, damn it! The colt's still too small. -The colt's still too small. I'm small... and I can make myself smaller still... Small as a bee! Small as dust...! Want to see me do it? -I'm small... and I can make myself smaller still... Small as a bee! Small as dust...! Want to see me do it? We've no time for tricks this day, Honeythorn Gump. -We've no time for tricks this day, Honeythorn Gump. Tricks, is it? Why I'll trick ye! Ungrateful whelp! I'll sour your milk and bird droppings'll fall from the sky wherever ye walk. -Tricks, is it? Why I'll trick ye! Ungrateful whelp! I'll sour your milk and bird droppings'll fall from the sky wherever ye walk. Save your mischief for the Black Baron. -Save your mischief for the Black Baron. Aye! That too. -Aye! That too. You'll need more than bird droppings for Blackheart. -You'll need more than bird droppings for Blackheart. I'll drop a cow on the knave! -I'll drop a cow on the knave! Drop a mountain on him and we won't need our troops. -Fine-looking army. We march on Castle Couer de Noir within the hour. -We march on Castle Couer de Noir within the hour. How do you plan on finding this here castle, if ye don't mind me asking? -How do you plan on finding this here castle, if ye don't mind me asking? A true and troubling question, Gump... We'll start from where the unicorn was killed. The Baron must have left a trail. -A true and troubling question, Gump... We'll start from where the unicorn was killed. The Baron must have left a trail. Track the demon to his lair. -Track the demon to his lair. Aye. And hang his foul hide up like dirty laundry for the drying. -We must follow that bird. Whatever for? -Whatever for? "Jenny Greenteeth said: ""Follow the raven in her flight...""" -"Jenny Greenteeth said: ""Follow the raven in her flight...""" Aye. Said to follow it to the edge of night. But is this the right bird? -Aye. Said to follow it to the edge of night. But is this the right bird? I'm sure. It spoke to me. -I'm sure. It spoke to me. Birds speak to me all the time. What did it say? -Birds speak to me all the time. What did it say? Beware. -Beware. Sounds like the bird we want. All right lads, follow yon raven! -How do we follow a raven we can't even see? Send Oona up above the tree tops. She be our eyes. -Send Oona up above the tree tops. She be our eyes. Good plan that. -This is ogre's magic. Blackheart? -Blackheart? Aye. He's enchanted the lot of them. His reward for delivering the unicorn. -Aye. He's enchanted the lot of them. His reward for delivering the unicorn. Foul fellow, this Couer de Noir. -Foul fellow, this Couer de Noir. The foulest. Mayhap I can cut them free. -The foulest. Mayhap I can cut them free. Jack, don't! -Worse than the battlefield. What know you of fields of war? -What know you of fields of war? Ofttimes, the wee folk come out to tend the wounded... staunch bleeding with cobwebs... give a parched mouth a sip of dew... cool a fevered brow... -There... it seems to quit... I'll wager that war held other attractions quite apart from nursing. Well... if the knight be already dead; what harm is there in... borrowing a thing or two? -Well... if the knight be already dead; what harm is there in... borrowing a thing or two? Stealing his arms? -Oona tells me the raven has roosted for the night on a sharp stone spire some half a mile distance. That would be Devil's Needle. Last landmark I know in these woods. -Good. Beyond Devil's Needle, all is unknown. -Twould appear other travelers precede us. Nay, Jack, tis not what you're thinking. -Nay, Jack, tis not what you're thinking. I trust our own welcome will be more hospitable. -I trust our own welcome will be more hospitable. Jack, Jack, it's dwarves live here. Hard-working chaps. Hammering in the forge all the live-long day. Make the most wondrous things, they do. -And this? Some of their handiwork? Nay. That's but to distract the casual visitor. A dwarf is too busy to suffer fools gladly. -Nay. That's but to distract the casual visitor. A dwarf is too busy to suffer fools gladly. Better to kill than be disturbed. -Better to kill than be disturbed. Your imagination runs away with you, Jack... Those bones be but battlefield gleanings, like I mentioned. A wee bit of carrion to frighten off the uninvited. -Your imagination runs away with you, Jack... Those bones be but battlefield gleanings, like I mentioned. A wee bit of carrion to frighten off the uninvited. Here is a bold champion's reward; to serve as a dwarf's doorstop. -Nice piece of work. Pure gold it is... plays a different note every time. -My God! Look! Something the matter? -Something the matter? Ogg's footprints! -Shhh! Not so loud, mayhap he'll hear ye. Dwarves be very sensitive about their feet. -Dwarves be very sensitive about their feet. Certainly understandable. -Certainly understandable. Very secretive, they are. Keep their feet covered up. Best if you don't mention it. -I should hope not! Gump, you're putting words in my mouth. -I pray always to be worthy of it. Stoutly spoke, lad. These dwarves be sore grouches... Pay no heed to their spiteful grumbling. -Don't let this talk of heroes upset you, Jack. Sigurd's sword is no great thing. The Volsung killed Fafnir. You killed Lindfarne. That's one worm apiece... I'd say you and Sigurd were neck-and-neck. We're not in a tournament, Gump. Ah, but a sword twice tempered in the blood of living dragons... -We're not in a tournament, Gump. Ah, but a sword twice tempered in the blood of living dragons... Tis not the sword that counts, but the man what swings it. Rest easy, Jack. -Tis not the sword that counts, but the man what swings it. Rest easy, Jack. God protect you, Honeythorn Gump. -God protect you, Honeythorn Gump. Your strong right arm's all the protection I'll need this night. -Make haste! We've a hard day's march ahead. Be gentle with them, Jack. They only march to please you. Were this a faerie journey, we'd ride the wind on thistledown and ragwort stems. -... this rate... we'll all be in our graves... 'fore we reach the Baron's fortress... We'll surely be in our graves if we don't. -We'll surely be in our graves if we don't. Going grows slower... we've not made... half a mile in two hours... -God's blessing. There's the way, mates. -What make ye of that, Jack? It bodes evil. -Wait! Willful creature, that one... -Archers! Bring down that spider! I'll deal with this other creature... Stay on your guard, Jack. The bug is enchanted surely. -Is she... dead? No, thank the Lord, but she be sore envenomed by the spider's bite. -No, thank the Lord, but she be sore envenomed by the spider's bite. We're blind now. Oona was our eyes and ears. How do we find the Castle Couer de Noir without her? -We're blind now. Oona was our eyes and ears. How do we find the Castle Couer de Noir without her? We'll find it. -We'll find it. Easily said... the raven passed this way hours ago. -Easily said... the raven passed this way hours ago. Heading true north. We continue in that direction. -Heading true north. We continue in that direction. Never knowing when it takes a turn or changes course. -Never knowing when it takes a turn or changes course. We'll trust in faith, Gump. -We'll trust in faith, Gump. Aye, lad... we've little else to go by. -Why not admit it, Honeythorn Gump. We've lost our way entirely. Long as we don't lose heart, Jack... -Long as we don't lose heart, Jack... We'll never find the Baron's castle. -We'll never find the Baron's castle. Once you thought we'd never find the Greek's armor and look at ye now, decked out like a proper hero. -Wait, Jack. Nay. This time we strike first! -Hold, Jack! Don't strike! Nay. I show no pity to imps and fiends. -Nay. I show no pity to imps and fiends. I know the rogue, Jack. Tis Jimmy Squarefoot. -Aye. We be on a quest to set the world aright -- But seem to have gotten lost on the way. -Can we trust him? No... but what choice have we? -Never felt so cold in all me born days... The chill is worse this night. -Don't like the feel of it, Jack. It's your own fear troubles you... We're here, aren't we? For all the dark magic protecting it. -Give in to despair and all is lost. It feels wrong, Jack... like a trap. -It feels wrong, Jack... like a trap. There's more than one way to spring a trap. -There's more than one way to spring a trap. Aye, so long as you're not too greedy for the bait. -That be so, better you pinch yourself now, Jack. On the morrow I'll be awake enough to see if dreams come true. -On the morrow I'll be awake enough to see if dreams come true. Pray they don't turn out to be nightmares. -Tells you something 'bout him what lives there... We'll need more siege machinery and longer scaling ladders. -We'll need more siege machinery and longer scaling ladders. Why not mine the damned walls? -Why not mine the damned walls? We do both. Our frontal attack a diversion whilst we drive a tunnel under... -A fine mess this is... horrid, nipping creatures... What do we now, Jack? Defend ourselves. We've bested far worse already. -Defend ourselves. We've bested far worse already. Easily spoken... -Easily spoken... Don't loose heart... Assemble the archers. Have everyone not holding a shield man a bow. Shoot the damned things as they fly. -Don't loose heart... Assemble the archers. Have everyone not holding a shield man a bow. Shoot the damned things as they fly. There aren't enough arrows. -There aren't enough arrows. Never mind. Just do it! Retrieve the arrows somehow. -Water doesn't burn... And frog don't fly and bite like tomcats. It be magic, Jack... powerful ogre's magic. -And frog don't fly and bite like tomcats. It be magic, Jack... powerful ogre's magic. There isn't much time! -There isn't much time! Been telling you that all along, lad. -Been telling you that all along, lad. What magic have we on our side? -What magic have we on our side? Faerie magic's no match for a sorcerer's power... We have Ogg's gifts, the key and the -- -Faerie magic's no match for a sorcerer's power... We have Ogg's gifts, the key and the -- That's it! The unbreakable line! We'll tie it to an arrow and fire it up into the timbers above the portculis... then, I'll climb up and chop down the drawbridge. -That's it! The unbreakable line! We'll tie it to an arrow and fire it up into the timbers above the portculis... then, I'll climb up and chop down the drawbridge. Will you chance a miss? -Will you chance a miss? There must be some way to get it up there. -One more turn... That's it! -Have the engineers corrected for alignment and trajectory? Aye. Before the wee pesties attacked. -Aye. Before the wee pesties attacked. Then it's Godspeed, Screwball. -Then it's Godspeed, Screwball. Fire away! -He'll be atop the portculis ere long. Best get down close to the moat, lad. -Best get down close to the moat, lad. Aye. We're good as inside. -Aye. We're good as inside. It's what we'll find there worries me. -Jack! The courtyard's been taken... The Baron's forces are besieged in the south tower. No sign of... Jack? Do you hear what I'm saying? We've won, lad. It doesn't matter. -It doesn't matter. Nonsense! Course it matters. -Nonsense! Course it matters. ... the Princess Lili... I've killed her. -She's sore hurt, Jack, tis true, but not dead yet. The wound is mortal. -The wound is mortal. Nay. You've not reckoned with the powers of faerie medicine. -Nay. You've not reckoned with the powers of faerie medicine. Can you save her? -Can you save her? Easily... The question is, can we save ourselves? Be a shame to win the battle only to lose the war. -Easily... The question is, can we save ourselves? Be a shame to win the battle only to lose the war. I don't... understand. -I don't... understand. The alicorn, lad. Come to your senses! Unless we find Baron Couer de Noir and bring back the horn the world is doomed. -The Baron hides in the dark in a passage under the Castle... Quick, give me the dwarf's key... the one which opens any lock... In the dark, lad? Why should he do that? -In the dark, lad? Why should he do that? Because sunlight will kill him. Quickly now, give me the key. -Because sunlight will kill him. Quickly now, give me the key. Sunlight, you say? -Sunlight, you say? Aye. Hurry now, Gump, the key! -Aye. Hurry now, Gump, the key! Mean you to seek him out below? -Mean you to seek him out below? I'm not afraid of the dark. -I'm not afraid of the dark. I admire your valor, Jack. By all means, seek him out... But first, we needs visit the kitchen. -The kitchen be the most important room in a palace, for if the victuals ain't right, little else is likely to be so. Did you bring me here to sup? -Did you bring me here to sup? Nay, lad, we're here to collect a weapon you'll need fighting the Baron. -Nay, lad, we're here to collect a weapon you'll need fighting the Baron. What weapon? -What weapon? Sunlight. -Sunlight. Plan on carrying some away in a kettle? -Plan on carrying some away in a kettle? Easier than that, Jack. Screwball! Fetch me down a couple of them plates. -Will you explain what's going on? Patience, lad. -Hey! Stop it! I can't see. Ah, but you will. And so will the Baron, when we bring a little light to his dark hideaway. -Can't we move any faster? Tis a delicate operation, lad. Requires a bit of engineering... Next! -Seems to be some sort of vaulted chamber up ahead... Don't get too far! -Don't get too far! Hurry up! -He's getting away! He was at my mercy! Never show mercy! -Never show mercy! I could have struck off his head just now! -Ever wondered why Jenny Greenteeth said you needed the fastest steed on earth? Sapphire! -Ride like wild fire, Jack. He'll not escape me. -He'll not escape me. You're on your own... like a true champion. -A good day for singing... I've not heard a note out of you. -I've not heard a note out of you. Not in the mood, I'm afraid. -Not in the mood, I'm afraid. Listen to him. Not in the mood... -Listen to him. Not in the mood... On a day like none other the blessed earth has ever seen... A day so fair as forty springtimes -- -On a day like none other the blessed earth has ever seen... A day so fair as forty springtimes -- I'm not denying it's a joyous day -- -I'm not denying it's a joyous day -- Where's your joy if you cannot sing? -Where's your joy if you cannot sing? Were the Princess Lili to join me I would sing till my lungs burst! -Were the Princess Lili to join me I would sing till my lungs burst! She lives... isn't that worth singing about? -She lives... isn't that worth singing about? She lives like all the world before the Baron's curse lifted. Now the world's reborn, yet still she sleeps... -The quest's at an end and where's the good of it? A faerie festival over a pile of bones? Tis not the wound, that's sure. Not a scar remains... we're talking about a spell; harder to repair than sword-work. -Tis not the wound, that's sure. Not a scar remains... we're talking about a spell; harder to repair than sword-work. I'll do anything... face any challenge! -I'll do anything... face any challenge! Might not need a gesture quite so grand. What were you doing the very moment the Baron's curse fell on the world? -Might not need a gesture quite so grand. What were you doing the very moment the Baron's curse fell on the world? I was with the Princess. -I was with the Princess. Where? -Where? By the pond. She was teasing me. -By the pond. She was teasing me. Go on... go on... -Go on... go on... She tossed her ring in the pond and bid me fetch it. Said she'd marry me if I did. -She tossed her ring in the pond and bid me fetch it. Said she'd marry me if I did. And did you? -And did you? Nay. It was lost. When I came up for air the pond was frozen over. -Nay. It was lost. When I came up for air the pond was frozen over. That's it then... the ring! -You must find the ring... It completes the cycle; answers the riddle... I'll try. -I'll try. You're good at riddles... Find the ring and the spell is broken. -Keep me belly full, Jack. Kill us another worm. Hush up, Screwball. Do your own worm-sticking if you like the taste so well. -Hush up, Screwball. Do your own worm-sticking if you like the taste so well. Nay. Jack's the dragon-slayer, ain't you, Jack. -Well done, lad. Stout heart. Wolf-slayer, worm-sticker... give a cheer for the champion! -Barely living, from the looks of it. No, no, no... this is different! -You see! You see! These chaps'll need a woodpecker to pick their teeth. -Ogg lives there...! And Thurgis! Screwball! Be quiet...! We have friends live 'neath the Needle. They'll no doubt provide safe refuge for the night. -We seek to undo the curse. Gonna make ogre-stew! -Well done, lad. Three cheers for our champion. -Look at that shot! Three at once! I can't miss! Very thrifty. Even got your arrow back. -Sweet slippers of Oisin! They've fired the moat! -Someone like Floki... or Squarefoot... or -- You'll do it because I am you liege and I command you to do it! -Aye... my Lord... Rise, Screwball, and into the basket with you. -Start acting like you're worthy of this mission... Here. Whatever you do, don't dare drop it. Nay, Sire, I'll cling to it as to life itself... -Nay, Sire, I'll cling to it as to life itself... Good, lad... Here, Jack, give me a hand with the windlass... There's a good fellow... -How're these? They'll do nicely. -Dolt! Sorry. -Greetings, my lady, the green wood is honored. Oh, Jack, you are a wild man to use me so. -These for me? If you like. -You promised! Never. -Never. But you did... you did! -But you did... you did! I may have said perhaps... -I may have said perhaps... Liar! -Liar! Or perchance... -It's my father, gone a-hunting. The Baron Couer de Noir is his guest and must be provided with some sport. Sport, indeed. -Sport, indeed. The Baron is a frightful man. They say he's an ogre. He wears a mask so none may see his face. -The Baron is a frightful man. They say he's an ogre. He wears a mask so none may see his face. Blackheart. Aptly named. -Blackheart. Aptly named. Oh, fie. What about the unicorn? -Oh, fie. What about the unicorn? Unicorn? -Unicorn? A promise is a sacred oath. -A promise is a sacred oath. All right. I'll show you something sacred. -Let's rest a minute. I'm so thirsty. Stop complaining. -Stop complaining. A gentleman would offer water. -A gentleman would offer water. Only were he a fool to boot. See yon viper? -Only were he a fool to boot. See yon viper? I detest serpents. -I detest serpents. That viper has envenomed the water. No animal will drink here now. -That viper has envenomed the water. No animal will drink here now. What shall we do? -What shall we do? Be patient. -Oh, dear. What's the matter? -What's the matter? I've lost my napkin. It was all elf-work and lace... I must have dropped it when you startled me so. -I've lost my napkin. It was all elf-work and lace... I must have dropped it when you startled me so. I'll go search for it. -I'll go search for it. Don't leave me now. I fear the unicorn won't show himself without you. -Don't leave me now. I fear the unicorn won't show himself without you. I'm not its master. -I'm not its master. The napkin will keep. I'd rather not be alone. -The napkin will keep. I'd rather not be alone. Your command is my wish, Princess Lili. -How much longer? Shhh! -Shhh! I am a princess. You have no right to order me about. -I am a princess. You have no right to order me about. In these woods you are a commoner. Now be quiet. True royalty approaches. -Such grace... and their smell; it's ambrosia. They rival the angels of paradise. -They rival the angels of paradise. Oh Jack, mightn't I touch one? It would thrill me so. -Oh Jack, mightn't I touch one? It would thrill me so. Are you honest? -Are you honest? Jack! -Jack! Tis a fair question. If you be a virtuous maid the unicorn will lay his head in your lap. -Tis a fair question. If you be a virtuous maid the unicorn will lay his head in your lap. He'll not flee if I show myself? -He'll not flee if I show myself? Not if you be chaste. Tis an awesome test of virginity. -Not if you be chaste. Tis an awesome test of virginity. I've no fear of failure. Your implications are most unbecoming. -I've no fear of failure. Your implications are most unbecoming. I'm not your judge... nor have I any desire to witness the trial. -Where are you going? To fetch your napkin. -What happened? I don't know. They've hurt the unicorn. -I don't know. They've hurt the unicorn. Who? -Who? My father and the Baron. -My father and the Baron. Damned hunters. It was a trap, and you were the bait! -Damned hunters. It was a trap, and you were the bait! I didn't know... I didn't... It was so lovely... he was in my lap like... like a baby... and... I... -I didn't know... I didn't... It was so lovely... he was in my lap like... like a baby... and... I... They tricked you. -They tricked you. My own father... -My own father... How bad was the unicorn's wound? -How bad was the unicorn's wound? It happened so fast. He was hurt and ran away. -It happened so fast. He was hurt and ran away. He did run? -He did run? Oh, yes, and the mare with him. -Oh, yes, and the mare with him. Good. They'll never catch him. There's not a mount in the kingdom can outrun a unicorn. -There are many would pay a king's ransom for a few drops of unicorn blood. I don't want it on me. -I don't want it on me. Its powers are strong. -Its powers are strong. I don't want to be reminded of what happened. -I don't want to be reminded of what happened. Do you think memory can be washed away like a few spots of blood? -Not even the birds sing sweet as you. Jack... Green Jack, you mustn't flatter me so. -Jack... Green Jack, you mustn't flatter me so. Tis the truth. -Tis the truth. A maid must beware of flattery... Methinks you want to kiss me. -A maid must beware of flattery... Methinks you want to kiss me. There's no happier thought under heaven. -There's no happier thought under heaven. If I were your bride, would the kissing ever stop...? Do you wish to marry me, Jack? -If I were your bride, would the kissing ever stop...? Do you wish to marry me, Jack? My lady mocks me. -My lady mocks me. Nay, Jack, I'm but wary of your intentions. -Nay, Jack, I'm but wary of your intentions. My heart intends no more than that you love me as I do you. -My heart intends no more than that you love me as I do you. Oh, la... -I'm afraid it may storm. Let it. Haven't you a cozy bower we might hide in? -Let it. Haven't you a cozy bower we might hide in? Tis not fit for a princess. -Tis not fit for a princess. Be it fit for your wife, Green Jack? -Be it fit for your wife, Green Jack? I have no wife. -I have no wife. Then, perchance you'll me. -Then, perchance you'll me. If wishes were horses even beggars would ride. -If wishes were horses even beggars would ride. Do you wish it, Jack? Wish you this our wedding band? -Do you wish it, Jack? Wish you this our wedding band? What if I answer yes? Will my wish come true? -Lili! No! Jack... Forgive me... -What have I done? Only what's right... -I thought you were dead... I -- I was bewitched... it's better this way... -I was bewitched... it's better this way... They told me you were dead. -No! I won't let it happen... You've freed me, Jack... -You've freed me, Jack... It's the Baron's damnable work! Too cowardly to stand and fight... he used you to save himself. -It's the Baron's damnable work! Too cowardly to stand and fight... he used you to save himself. No... it's not you he's afraid of, it's... light... -No... it's not you he's afraid of, it's... light... What? -What? Sunlight... It destroys him. -Sunlight... It destroys him. Sunlight? -Sunlight? That's why he goes masked during the day... -That's why he goes masked during the day... So, he's hiding in the dark... -So, he's hiding in the dark... In the dark... where I join him... -In the dark... where I join him... No! Don't let go... you mustn't! I love you! -No! Don't let go... you mustn't! I love you! And I... love you... -Oh! Green Jack! What a dream I've had... proper nightmare. Whilst you were sleeping, I fetched your ring. -Sweet Jack. I'm so sorry you found me asleep. Don't know what came over me. I can't have been under much more than a minute. -I can't have been under much more than a minute. Seemed like weeks and weeks. Such a terrible dream... I could never tell you... -Seemed like weeks and weeks. Such a terrible dream... I could never tell you... Is what you said about the ring but another dream? -Is what you said about the ring but another dream? Oh no, dearest Jack... I meant every word. -Oh no, dearest Jack... I meant every word. You're teasing still. -Nay, dearest Jack... you are to be my husband. I want none other. But... I am a Green Man. I have no title, nor lands... scarce even a few vines and threads to keep the cold from my body. -But... I am a Green Man. I have no title, nor lands... scarce even a few vines and threads to keep the cold from my body. You wear your weeds as well as golden armor, Jack. Like a true Prince... a champion! -You wear your weeds as well as golden armor, Jack. Like a true Prince... a champion! Lili... I love you! -Lili... I love you! And I love you, my husband. -What's the matter? Ouch! Something's biting me. -Ouch! Something's biting me. Biting you? -Biting you? Pinching me! -Pinching me! Pinching? Where? -Pinching? Where? Everywhere! Ow! -Everywhere! Ow! I can't see a thing. -I can't see a thing. Nor can I. Damn! It's buzzing all around me. Ouch! I can hear it like a fly trapped inside my ear... Says its name is Oona! -Nor can I. Damn! It's buzzing all around me. Ouch! I can hear it like a fly trapped inside my ear... Says its name is Oona! Oona? Do you suppose it's a faerie? -Oona? Do you suppose it's a faerie? Ow! Whatever it is, it hurts. -Honored to make your acquaintance. Grand champion, is it? And what great cause leads you to me? -Grand champion, is it? And what great cause leads you to me? We seek the ogre, Baron Couer de Noir. He slew a unicorn and plunged the world into eternal winter. -We seek the ogre, Baron Couer de Noir. He slew a unicorn and plunged the world into eternal winter. Thought the weather terrible of late. -Step lively now! His feet shall never cross my lips. -Sigurd's sword... Another hero's hand-me-down... Thurgis, note the armor; tis Greek work. -What's this now? I bring you the only treasure worthy of your loveliness... for naught else in the universe rivals the reflected glory of your beauty. -I bring you the only treasure worthy of your loveliness... for naught else in the universe rivals the reflected glory of your beauty. Well spoke, boy. You have discerning taste for one so young... Just who might you be? -Well spoke, boy. You have discerning taste for one so young... Just who might you be? They call me Green Jack, ma'am. -They call me Green Jack, ma'am. Come closer then, Jack, that I might give you proper thanks. -Come closer then, Jack, that I might give you proper thanks. Your fair smile be thanks enough. Better I stand afar to admire your beauty complete. -Think me fair, do you, Jack? The moon herself would hide behind a cloud rather than dare comparison with you... -The moon herself would hide behind a cloud rather than dare comparison with you... The moon is too round of face, methinks. -The moon is too round of face, methinks. The sight of you makes flowers seem like dross. All the heavenly angels must envy your grace. -The sight of you makes flowers seem like dross. All the heavenly angels must envy your grace. I like well your conceit, Jack. Tis rare to find an honest lad in this troubled world. -I like well your conceit, Jack. Tis rare to find an honest lad in this troubled world. Aye. And it is the trouble befallen us that brings me here. I entreat you to tell me the cause of our surrounding sorrow, most lovely of the lovely. -Aye. And it is the trouble befallen us that brings me here. I entreat you to tell me the cause of our surrounding sorrow, most lovely of the lovely. Dear lad, what does winter bespeak but death? It is a time of mourning. This calamity is a curse. Something wondrous and beautiful has been taken from the world. -Dear lad, what does winter bespeak but death? It is a time of mourning. This calamity is a curse. Something wondrous and beautiful has been taken from the world. A unicorn's been slain. The last stallion in all the country. -A unicorn's been slain. The last stallion in all the country. Why then, there thou hast. We be lucky worse has not befallen us. -Here be the death weapon; the unicorn's blood dry upon it. Couer de Noir! A demon if the Devil ever made one. -Couer de Noir! A demon if the Devil ever made one. He chopped off the horn and left the rest to rot. -He chopped off the horn and left the rest to rot. That would be the Baron's way. There'll be no light or life in the world until the alicorn is taken from him and he vanquished. -That would be the Baron's way. There'll be no light or life in the world until the alicorn is taken from him and he vanquished. How do I get the horn back? -How do I get the horn back? You'll need the fastest steed alive, for Couer de Noir's castle rests at the very edge of the earth. Only the sharpest sword and the golden armor of Achilles will protect you from his fury. -You'll need the fastest steed alive, for Couer de Noir's castle rests at the very edge of the earth. Only the sharpest sword and the golden armor of Achilles will protect you from his fury. Where do I find the Baron's castle? -Where do I find the Baron's castle? Follow the raven in her flight, Follow old black wing to the edge of night... -Follow the raven in her flight, Follow old black wing to the edge of night... Not very precise directions. -Not very precise directions. Come sit beside me, sweet boy, and I'll draw you a map. -Come sit beside me, sweet boy, and I'll draw you a map. Nay. Tempting as your invitation be. Tell me one thing more. -Nay. Tempting as your invitation be. Tell me one thing more. Ask away, sweet man. -Ask away, sweet man. What became of the princess? -What became of the princess? Princess? I know of no princess. -Princess? I know of no princess. Princess Lili, Godwin's daughter. She was with me when calamity struck, but after I could find no trace of her. -Princess Lili, Godwin's daughter. She was with me when calamity struck, but after I could find no trace of her. Is she fair, this princess? -Is she fair, this princess? Exceeding fair. -Exceeding fair. As fair as me? -As fair as me? Twould be to compare one star with another in the summer sky. -Twould be to compare one star with another in the summer sky. She's dead! -She's dead! No! -No! Dead, dead, dead. -Dead, dead, dead. I don't believe you. -I don't believe you. Far as you're concerned she's dead, believe it or not. -This is sad news, be it true. Don't be sad, Jack, not with me here to give you cheer. -Don't be sad, Jack, not with me here to give you cheer. Tis not the time to speak of cheer. -Tis not the time to speak of cheer. You'll visit again? -You'll visit again? As a hummingbird returns to the fairest blossom. -As a hummingbird returns to the fairest blossom. What a fine meal you'd make, be the rest of you sweet as your tongue. -Courage, Jack. I pray God grants it me. -This is not the time for squabbling. Sorry. -Were I a mortal girl, Jack, methinks I'd be in love with you. Then I'd kiss you without turning my garments inside-out and sewing bells all over. -Then I'd kiss you without turning my garments inside-out and sewing bells all over. No need for bells, Jack. I'll nay enchant ye. -Such a sad world, be there no unicorns to brighten it. No fear of that now. -Never even had a sword in my hand until yesterday. Then, tis not for chastity? Methought you kept a naked blade twixt you and any maiden chanced spend the night. -Then, tis not for chastity? Methought you kept a naked blade twixt you and any maiden chanced spend the night. I live in an abandoned fox den neath the roots of a thousand-year-old oak. My bed is pine boughs and rabbit skins. There's no need of weaponry to keep the maids away. -I live in an abandoned fox den neath the roots of a thousand-year-old oak. My bed is pine boughs and rabbit skins. There's no need of weaponry to keep the maids away. I'm partial to oaks, as are all faerie folk. Mayn't I come visit sometime? -I'm partial to oaks, as are all faerie folk. Mayn't I come visit sometime? I'd be honored. -I'd be honored. Only that? -Only that? And charmed, of course. -And charmed, of course. Fie! Don't speak of charms. I should charm you for being so dull- witted. -Fie! Don't speak of charms. I should charm you for being so dull- witted. I had no thought of offending you, Oona. -I had no thought of offending you, Oona. Do I not please you, Jack? -Do I not please you, Jack? In every way. -In every way. And am I not fair? -And am I not fair? Wondrously so. -Wondrously so. Then why do you speak sweeter words to Jenny Greenteeth? -Then why do you speak sweeter words to Jenny Greenteeth? That was in jest. -That was in jest. Jest with me then. -Jest with me then. How so? -How so? Tell me I'm fair, as you did the hag. -Tell me I'm fair, as you did the hag. You are fair as the first new flower of spring... -You are fair as the first new flower of spring... And sweet? -And sweet? Sweeter than bee pollen on a summer wind. -Sweeter than bee pollen on a summer wind. Pray you be sweet as your words, dear Jack. -Nay, Oona, tis not possible. A faerie's love makes anything possible. -A faerie's love makes anything possible. I'm promised to another! -I'm promised to another! What shape I take matters not. Long you for another? I'll give you your heart's desire. -Oona... don't cry... please, you mustn't... You... you... you mortal you! -You... you... you mortal you! Please... -Please... Why should I feel such pain? Should be the other way round... I could vex you... make you dance your life away... -Why should I feel such pain? Should be the other way round... I could vex you... make you dance your life away... Threats won't make me love you. Tis not the way of the human heart. -What care I for the human heart! Such a soft, spiritless thing it is. I prefer the hearts of hawks and wolves; fierce and free and keen as steel! And as barren of love as stone. -And as barren of love as stone. I would build a wall around me with such stone, so the likes of you might never enter. -I would build a wall around me with such stone, so the likes of you might never enter. Be fair, Oona. -Be fair, Oona. You beware, Jack! You and your porridge-pot heart! -Is this a May Day pageant? Are you all off on a lark...? The raven passed this way hours ago! Heading north still? -Heading north still? True north... Straight up that pass, through the net. -The fastest in the world. I know where to find him... He lies out on the marsh, raven-fodder; his horn torn from his head. -What do we do now? We wait. -What's she doing? I think she's about to foal. -I'm in your debt, Screwball. Watch behind or I'll never collect on it! -Praise be to God. Small miracles better than no miracles... -Master Jack! Master Jack! These woods are alive! They're alive! Of course they're alive. All nature is living. -Where? Up ahead! -Up ahead! Come on, Gump, let's have a look at this witchcraft. -What can you steal from a man already lost his life? His honor, I suppose... seeing he no longer can defend it. -What care the bones when the soul is free? Bah! You faeries have the morals of ferrets. -Maybe there's a better idea... What about birds... get a lift from some friendly bird... Haven't heard a bird sing in days... -Haven't heard a bird sing in days... Or a kite...! We could make a kite... Let the wind do the work -- -Hello, Jack. Done like a champion. Can you reach me with the line? -Sorry, Jack. It's done... we'll never catch him. -Your fond wishes give me strength, dear friends. No speeches! What's a little swim after sticking worms and ogres? -Each fit for a hero... My uncle fashioned a hammer for Thor. Twas he named it Mjolnir. Grandfather forged Excalibur... You won't ever see finer craftsmanship. Oh, but I have. -How came you by this blade? I slew the Lindfarne Worm with it. -The Avatar. I like the sound of it. Sigurd the Volsung slew Fafnir with that blade... See the line where Regin welded the break? -Uhm... fine work. Achilles wore it before the gates of Troy. -Achilles wore it before the gates of Troy. You're well equipped, I'd say. Legendary arms... -You're with us in battle. May God protect you. -No hurt Jimmy, sir... oh no, please, sir... I'm sending you back to Hell! -Is he a friend, then? Yes, yes... Jimmy Squarefoot good friend to one and all... -Forgive my blood haste, Jimmy Squarefoot, but I want no more surprises from Couer de Noir. The Black Baron, you say? -Lost? Much good we do the world, for all our noble quest... -Much good we do the world, for all our noble quest... Jimmy Squarefoot no lost. -Simple as that, eh? Castle Couer de Noir built with magic... simple as death... strong as hate... -Castle Couer de Noir built with magic... simple as death... strong as hate... You do know where it is? -Can you show us the way? To Castle Couer de Noir? -To Castle Couer de Noir? There'll be spoils aplenty if you guide us there. Once we breach the walls, help yourself to all you can carry. -There'll be spoils aplenty if you guide us there. Once we breach the walls, help yourself to all you can carry. That very nice. -Let that be our problem, just get us there. You follow. -It be the castle... we feel the castle... it be that close... A castle's but stone and mortar -- -A castle's but stone and mortar -- Nay. Castle Couer de Noir is Devil's work... built with sorrow and grief... -Plenty treasure inside... Jimmy seen it once. You've been inside? -You've been inside? In a dream. -In a dream. Don't speak to me of dreams! I feel I've been dreaming since the unicorn was killed. -Marco! What are you doing? -What are you doing? I'm not cheating! I'm not looking! -Dad's disappeared! He was there and then he wasn't! -And we got to take all the old paint off all the doors and then George taught us how to stain everything and he even let me choose the color I liked best! And he said he loved me! We did a lot of the wiring too. -We did a lot of the wiring too. With Dale. Oh, and I got to drill a hole into a board to put the wire through! -Are you going to see Sam again? I thought I might stop by. -You can go back to bed...or Lois might let you go swimming. I wanna be with you today. -I wanna be with you today. Oh, honey. There's not much to do there. I mean, it's all work. -Oh, honey. There's not much to do there. I mean, it's all work. We can work. -I woke up this morning at three and couldn't fall back asleep. Everyday I think I see more of Sam than I've seen in years. Sam! -Did you know him before you knew Dad? Since seventh grade. -And video games after! "Home after. Will you come in and say ""hi""?" -That's how you get things right is to always try and never give up. Huh, Mom? I guess it depends on what you give up on. -He's not there. He's here. Check the bathroom. -He's here. Check the bathroom. I checked everywhere. He's not there. -When does George get to come see his house? It's so beautiful. -What's that for? Mom said I should. -Mom said I should. Oh. -Oh. I would have anyway. -So put your plans of my room in the trash. I don't think Dad wants you home. -He hasn't called? Who are you? -Do you guys feel like painting? What color? -What color? Red. -Red. I love red! That's my favorite color! -Mom? Here, honey! -I put him to work. What's wrong? -I couldn't get it to go down. And why was the alarm on? -And why was the alarm on? Oh...I set it to see if it would work. -Oh...I set it to see if it would work. You'd better call and cancel. -You'd better call and cancel. Oh God, we don't want the police! -What are you doing up so early? I couldn't sleep last night. -I couldn't sleep last night. I'm supposed to be mad at you, but I'm not. -Why? What do you mean? Uh...using Josh like that. -I'm going to bed. Has he eaten anything at all? -I'd be more comfortable if he slept in the guestroom. I'd be more comfortable if you hadn't slept with Josh. And George would be more comfortable if he weren't dying. -Atonement. Who are all these people? -Sorry I got you into trouble. I'll survive. -He must. He seems lonely. -He seems lonely. Are you his friend? -Are you his friend? No. -No. Why? -Why? Marilyn Manson...and I guess he's into guys. I hate nose rings. And the blue eye shadow thing really isn't working. -Alyssa. Why have you put a toilet and a bed in your garage? -Why have you put a toilet and a bed in your garage? I'm living here while I build another house. -I'm living here while I build another house. Is that legal? -Don't you have school? Nope. -What's today? Monday. -My keys. What's that? -I had them in my pocket. I'm not shaving my legs or pits this summer, I've decided. -Can you keep Sam straight? He's not gay. I found out purely by accident, believe me. -He's not gay. I found out purely by accident, believe me. I mean drugs. I thought you said he was? -I mean drugs. I thought you said he was? He wouldn't use around me. I don't like any of it. -He wouldn't use around me. I don't like any of it. You're a good girl. -You're a good girl. I need to ask you something, Mr. Nelson. -You have to ask like that? I want you to try something with me, okay? -I want you to try something with me, okay? I've taken a lot of morphine. Oral morphine...for my back. Can I wait till I can say no and sound convincing? -Did you feel anything? Maybe your tongue...I don't know, my mouth is numb. Why did you do that? -My mother would die. Let's shut up and not kill her. -It's not what I was expecting. What did you think it would be? -What did you think it would be? I don't know... More like when I kissed Sam. -I'm hungry! Where's my dinner? Who ate my dinner? Huh? Who's in trouble now? Hi. -Hey. What are you doing here? -They're trying to make me spend the summer here. I'm leaving in the morning. Where to? -Where to? I'm supposed to be in Tahoe. -I'm supposed to be in Tahoe. Your dad's really gonna build his house? -Your dad's really gonna build his house? I don't know. -I don't know. Well, if you don't go, I guess I'll see you. -You should stay. I don't know. -I don't know. Where's your dad? -Where's your dad? He jumped into the ocean. -He jumped into the ocean. "Tell him I said ""hi""." -He's a freak. You look better without make-up. -You look better without make-up. I can't even take a shower here. -I can't even take a shower here. Come over to my house whenever you want. I'll tell my mom. -Come over to my house whenever you want. I'll tell my mom. I might not stay, anyway. -I might not stay, anyway. I'll get your back. -I'll get your back. No. That's okay. -Do you remember me from when you lived here? Yeah. -Yeah. Your dad dated my mom after her divorce. -Your dad dated my mom after her divorce. Really? -Really? I wanted him to marry her. -I wanted him to marry her. Why? -Why? Turn over. -Josh and I are going to South Coast. Wanna ride? Maybe see a movie? No thanks. -Huh? I can use your mom's. -I can use your mom's. I'm okay. -Not really. No. Kinda. He got busted? His parents took his car. They're making him ride a bicycle the rest of the summer. -Really? He asked me to tell you that you owe him a hundred dollars. -He asked me to tell you that you owe him a hundred dollars. He can peddle over anytime he wants to for it. -This is serious! I don't have my license. He was my ride. I'm sorry. I'm just here to shower. -I've seen lots of people. It's not a big thing for me. Hand me a towel. I'm getting out. -Hand me a towel. I'm getting out. I'm coming in. -I'm coming in. I don't want you to! -I don't want you to! We're not gonna do anything. -We're not gonna do anything. Why are you so stupid? -Why are you so stupid? Why are you so uptight? -Why are you so uptight? I don't even...what do you mean? I don't even know what that means. -I don't even...what do you mean? I don't even know what that means. It means I'm gonna shampoo my hair and stay out of your way. -It means I'm gonna shampoo my hair and stay out of your way. Hand me a towel. Hand me a towel. -What's the point of this? Does everything have to have a point? -Does everything have to have a point? It's freakish. I don't get it. I'm not really supposed to touch you, but I can look. -Are you sure you're totally into guys? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Josh said... -Josh said... I'm not gay. -I was wondering. You're driving me crazy! Do you know what it's like trying to jack-off in an armoire? -You're driving me crazy! Do you know what it's like trying to jack-off in an armoire? Not really. -Not really. You're off, you know? You're way, way off. -You're off, you know? You're way, way off. I thought I was helping you. -I thought I was helping you. It would help me if I could kiss you. -It would help me if I could kiss you. No, I don't...NO. I thought we were just friends. -No, I don't...NO. I thought we were just friends. What you think, you know, doesn't have much to do with reality. I mean, I hope I'm not the first to say that about you. -What you think, you know, doesn't have much to do with reality. I mean, I hope I'm not the first to say that about you. Okay, but then we'll just be friends. Okay? -Okay, but then we'll just be friends. Okay? Okay. I guess. -On the handlebars or your shoulders? Are you afraid of heights? -Hey, I can get you three hundred cash for two hours. What? -You hate your father. If he tricked me into loving him, is what I meant. -If he tricked me into loving him, is what I meant. You'd hate him for the trick. -You'd hate him for the trick. Not if what he left me was real. -I don't wanna go. He asked where you were! He wants you with him. -He asked where you were! He wants you with him. I don't wanna go. -Where are you?! Floating to Catalina. -Floating to Catalina. What? -You're so nice to let Sam use your shower. He's got a standing invitation. -Why is that? Just, I mean, well, you're here every single day. -Just, I mean, well, you're here every single day. He's at work while I'm here. -He's at work while I'm here. I guess I'd just be jealous if I were him. -I guess I'd just be jealous if I were him. Well, he doesn't need to worry. -Well, he doesn't need to worry. If my kids and my wife were always at an ex-husband's house, I'd worry. -If my kids and my wife were always at an ex-husband's house, I'd worry. He's not the type to worry. -He won't leave my room. Will he talk to me? -Will he talk to me? No. -This is such a street of whiners. From Tuesday to yesterday, not including Monday or today. Okay...Mrs. Dokos is repeatedly running over her lawn. The Corliss' have attributed the increase in rat population in their environs to the state of your...structure. -From Tuesday to yesterday, not including Monday or today. Okay...Mrs. Dokos is repeatedly running over her lawn. The Corliss' have attributed the increase in rat population in their environs to the state of your...structure. IPO's caused the rat population on this street. -And of course the Beck's, with the... It could have been a squirt gun. -It could have been a squirt gun. You've been good this week. -Are you guys' friends? We've known each other since grade school. -We've known each other since grade school. I mean, but did you both go camping on weekends? Listen to music? Masturbate together? Talk on the phone? -I wouldn't want you as a friend. George just never really...aimed that high. Even with not hitting a rabbit. I knew you were doing that, by the way. That's why I stopped doing it with you. You were no fun. It was always like you were frightened. Quiet and boring. -Funny how he's the architect and you're just a loud mouth cop. He builds models for architects. His dad, on the other hand, was the real deal. Designed and built the coolest houses I've ever seen. -Mr. Dokos says that your father missed his height envelope by six inches. He wants the entire roof taken off and lowered. -Mr. Stevens? I've been dreading you. -Bob Larson. Do you happen to have an unenclosed toilet in close proximity to a kitchen? A violation? -A violation? Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. And if I enclosed it? -And if I enclosed it? An exhaust system or a window is code. -An exhaust system or a window is code. A sink? -A sink? Allowed outside the enclosed area. -I hate to ask about a window. I flushed it down the toilet. -I assume you'll fill the...uh, window, with glass? If that's what it takes. -Mr. Stevens. One of your neighbors is adamant your home has exceeded its approved height. He's filed to have construction stopped immediately. It's thirty feet. -It's thirty feet. Well, if it is, we have a problem. -I have the permit. After your last extension request and with Design Review and the Board of Adjustment and the appeals to the city council, was there an amended permit? -After your last extension request and with Design Review and the Board of Adjustment and the appeals to the city council, was there an amended permit? To the patio and one north-facing window... And six inches to the height. -That would take weeks. Months. -I'm good, thanks. What are you on? -What are you on? Pardon me? -Pardon me? how much weight have you lost? -how much weight have you lost? Oh...nothing. Thirty pounds. I just haven't been very hungry. -Oh...nothing. Thirty pounds. I just haven't been very hungry. How's your wife? -How's your wife? When we divorce a decade ago, she was very, very angry. Now she's just hostile. -Right...she married...what was he? He buys and sells the world. -He buys and sells the world. Peter Webber! Right. Quite the spotlight on that guy. -Peter Webber! Right. Quite the spotlight on that guy. I did tell you, didn't I? That I'd be ready to start the Berlin model today? -I did tell you, didn't I? That I'd be ready to start the Berlin model today? Well, that's sort of...you're sure you're not hungry? -This isn't me. We can show clients endless options, change anything in a matter of hours on the computer. But you won't change. Typing and clicking myself to renderings isn't why I started building models. -Typing and clicking myself to renderings isn't why I started building models. All of us are typing and clicking, George. Whether we want to, or not. -All of us are typing and clicking, George. Whether we want to, or not. I'm not. -I'm not. Which is why we bid out a quarter of our projects. It doesn't make a lot of sense anymore to want what we don't have and don't want what we do. -I've been here twenty years. Maybe that's too long. -Maybe that's too long. Maybe...? -Maybe...? That's too long. -Oh. How old are you? -How old are you? Forty. -Forty. We were probably in school together. You went to Berkley? -Class of eighty-six! I didn't know you were there. I was a sophomore when I got the call my parents were dead. -Listen...maybe I can get you a year. I hate this job. -I hate this job. What are you talking about? You love your job. -What are you talking about? You love your job. From the day I started...to today. Can't stand it. -Then it sounds like I'm doing you a favor. It may sound that way, but I react out of fear. My life has nothing to do with what I like or don't like. You haven't been listening, have you? -It may sound that way, but I react out of fear. My life has nothing to do with what I like or don't like. You haven't been listening, have you? I didn't know there would be a quiz, George. -I didn't know there would be a quiz, George. For everything. -For everything. Well, I feel better about this now. -Well, I feel better about this now. Good. I was hoping for that. -I've got one favor to ask. What can I do for you, George? -What can I do for you, George? I built my first model here when I was twenty. There are hundreds of them on shelves around the office. Twenty years of my life. I was wondering if I might be able to pick a few to keep, to take home? Only the ones that really mean something to me. -Oh, well...those are...I mean, we don't get to keep our work. I could maybe ask them if you could choose one. But, you know, frankly George, you were the best. Computer models can't begin to match the beauty you gave yours. They're a part of this firm. They inspire me. I go out there and sometimes just stare at something I've designed. It amazes me. I would miss that too much. Look, I may be going out on a limb, but you go out there and look them over, every single one of them and pick the one you like the best and take it with you. Just run it by me first, just in case, you know...but I'm sure it'll be okay. Thank you. -Thank you. Well, it's the least I can do. -Well, it's the least I can do. Yes, it is. -Is Alyssa home? She's out with a friend. -She's out with a friend. Oh...do you know when she'll be home? -Oh...do you know when she'll be home? She didn't really say. -She didn't really say. Oh...okay. -Sam? Uh huh. -Uh huh. I didn't recognize you! -I didn't recognize you! I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Alyssa said you don't even have plumbing over there. -Alyssa said you don't even have plumbing over there. Not a shower. -Thanks for the shower. I want you both to stay. -Come over anytime you need to, Sam. Thanks, I'd like that. Thank you. -If she's not up, you can use my shower. Thank you. -Thank you. You're here early today. -You're here early today. We're getting out of the ground today. -Is Alyssa here? It's midnight. What's the matter, Sam? -It's midnight. What's the matter, Sam? Nothing. My dad's dying. I really need to talk to Alyssa. -This has got to stop! He escaped. He's going back in. -He escaped. He's going back in. Does it give you some sort of perverse pleasure to expose your...penis in plain view of my sixteen year-old daughter? -Does it give you some sort of perverse pleasure to expose your...penis in plain view of my sixteen year-old daughter? There are no windows facing my...exposure. -There are no windows facing my...exposure. George, this is the third time. -George, this is the third time. The plumber's due out on Friday. -The plumber's due out on Friday. You'll have to explain that to the police. -You'll have to explain that to the police. You were the only neighbor I could tolerate. -You were the only neighbor I could tolerate. I did warn you. -I did warn you. My life is a warning. I just can't figure out for what. -I forgot where I put my keys. And you thought they might be under her dress? -Hello? Where are you? You're driving me crazy, waiting like this. I want you in me now! -The whole summer, man. Party in Tahoe. I don't know. -I don't know. It'll just be my brother the dweeb on weekends. All we gotta do is sand and paint the cabin, dude. My dad's gonna let me use the boat and my charm is gonna let me use my rod. Income village is the place to hook up with hump. -It'll just be my brother the dweeb on weekends. All we gotta do is sand and paint the cabin, dude. My dad's gonna let me use the boat and my charm is gonna let me use my rod. Income village is the place to hook up with hump. I'll ask. -I'll ask. Hey, it beats letting town folk go down on you for the summer. -I never said anything. I haven't done anything. I know what the deal is. Josh is a pimp. I'm not stupid. -I know what the deal is. Josh is a pimp. I'm not stupid. You don't know what the deal is. There is no fucking deal. -Your mom and the boys can drop by anytime. To check up on me? -To check up on me? I'll be around to check up on you. -I'll be around to check up on you. Why would you be there? -Why would you be there? Because I live there. -Because I live there. You live in Cory's parents' cabin? -Did you tell him he's spending the summer with me? No I'm not! -Who are you, anyway? I don't even know you. You'll know me by the time we're through. -You'll know me by the time we're through. I'm not going! -I'm not going! I'll get your bag. -Mom, tell him I'm not going. You already promised me! You have everything? -I'm not going! You don't have a choice. -You don't have a choice. Mom...please. -Your nose ring comes out of your nose. If you've got them in your nipples, they come out, too. And there's no make-up at my house. No glue sniffing. Huffing. No pills, no grass. If you hit me, I'll call the police. -If you hit me, I'll call the police. You've worn out your welcome at this house, Sam. I won't ever hit you. This may well be the worst three months of your life, but you've earned it. So, pick up your suitcase and go get in the truck. Now. -You've worn out your welcome at this house, Sam. I won't ever hit you. This may well be the worst three months of your life, but you've earned it. So, pick up your suitcase and go get in the truck. Now. I'll hate you forever. -I'll hate you forever. You can't even begins to know how much I hate my father. Think of it as a family tradition. -Are you totally insane?! I almost saw Catalina. -Probably in the bible. Goodnight. -What are you doing?! I warned you yesterday. -I warned you yesterday. Don't touch me! You can't touch me! -Do you ever get like the slightest inkling that you might want to help me instead of doing absolutely nothing? No. -No. Get the inkling, Sam. I'm getting tired of your attitude. -I hate turkey. No you don't. -I want you to take out your nose ring and leave it out. Why? -Why? It bugs me. -It bugs me. You snore at night. That bugs me. Can I take you out? -You snore at night. That bugs me. Can I take you out? Your brothers are right. It was the most god-awful smell I've ever had my nose around. -I don't know. I'm gonna take a walk. I need some money. -I'm gonna take a walk. I need some money. You'll have money when you work. -You'll have money when you work. You're so predictable. -No one would blame me if I left! I'd blame you. I want you here. -I'd blame you. I want you here. I'm not doing it! -I'm not doing it! It'll be fine. -It'll be fine. Why don't you just beg some money off my dad and move into something decent with a real kitchen and a real bathroom? -Why don't you just beg some money off my dad and move into something decent with a real kitchen and a real bathroom? I'd rather sell my nuts to a castrati. -I don't beg. And I don't take a shower in the middle of the yard. -And I don't take a shower in the middle of the yard. I can promise you complete privacy. -I can promise you complete privacy. You can't promise me anything! You don't have anything to promise! You live in a garage! You don't have cable! You're not hooked up to the internet because you don't even own a computer! You don't have a job! -If you had a stupid phone or I could use your truck, mom would give me some money. You'll have money when you work for it. -I'm leaving. Hey...hey! -Where are you going? I don't know. -I don't know. When are you going to be back? -When are you going to be back? I don't know. -I don't know. Well, until you know, you can't go. -Well, until you know, you can't go. Oh, okay. -Where is it? A friend of yours is here. -A friend of yours is here. Did you got through my pants? -Did you got through my pants? I might have a solution. -I've been using since I was twelve! You're all so unbelievably stupid. You didn't give a shit about anything I did until now! I'll apologize for everything but today...Today I give a shit. -I'll apologize for everything but today...Today I give a shit. You're too fucking late. -You're too fucking late. The gloves on the table are for you. -The gloves on the table are for you. You can't make me do a thing. -You can't make me do a thing. Sit down for a second. -Sit down for a second. No. -Oh, so you're in the big shit now! Child abuse. People go to prison for what you just did to me. My dad used to play a game. I never really understood what it was until after he was gone. -I was holding for someone. That wasn't even mine. The game was to make me smaller than he was. No matter what. He could be almost invisible as a human being, but I had to be smaller. So if I got good grades, I was a pussy for not playing football. If I cut my hair for him, it wasn't short enough. If I shaved it, I looked like a psycho. I never won the game. Not once. And if he couldn't make me smaller with words... -I'll have to pay him back. I won't ever hit you. I don't want you smaller. I want you to be happy. You're not. Not here with me. Not home with your mother. Not up in Tahoe. Not alone. Not anywhere. You're what I was most of my life, Sam. I see it in your eyes. In your sleep. In your answer to everything. You're barely alive. -I won't ever hit you. I don't want you smaller. I want you to be happy. You're not. Not here with me. Not home with your mother. Not up in Tahoe. Not alone. Not anywhere. You're what I was most of my life, Sam. I see it in your eyes. In your sleep. In your answer to everything. You're barely alive. I'm not even listening. -I'm not even listening. You know that great thing, though? Is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away. Make you something different in an instant. It happened to me. -Twenty years of hating what you live in...what you are. This is the end of it, Sam. I'm gonna build something of me here that I can be proud to give to you. Don't. I don't want it. -Do whatever you want with it. I don't care. All I want from you is for you to remember we built this house together. We haven't build shit. You're just tearing down your father. -We haven't build shit. You're just tearing down your father. Try it. It feels good. -Hi, Alyssa. Hi, Mom. -I took some of your Vicodin. I know. Why? -I know. Why? I like how it feels not to feel. -I know the feeling. How do you become something you're not? -How do you become something you're not? What would you like to be? -What would you like to be? What I'm not. -What I'm not. What are you now? -What are you now? Nothing. -Nothing. That's not true. -That's not true. See, that's the thing...I am what I say I am. -See, that's the thing...I am what I say I am. I know parts of who you are. -I know parts of who you are. What do you know about me? -When you started first grade and your mom went to work, it was so she could save for an apartment. But then she met Peter and skipped the idea of renting. He's got nothing to do with me. -He's got nothing to do with me. I couldn't imagine how I could compete with him for any part of you. So, I didn't. He wanted you to have his last name...I let him even take that. -I couldn't imagine how I could compete with him for any part of you. So, I didn't. He wanted you to have his last name...I let him even take that. He was a prick when I was six, and he's a prick today. -I wish you had told me then. I'm telling you now. -I'm telling you now. I gave up on you. -I gave up on you. I'd be in Tahoe having fun if you had given up. -I'd be in Tahoe having fun if you had given up. What would you be doing now? -What would you be doing now? Getting high, I guess. -Getting high, I guess. If I asked you to stop, would you? -If I asked you to stop, would you? I haven't used anything for two days. I'm trying. -I haven't used anything for two days. I'm trying. I'm proud of you, Sam. -I'm proud of you, Sam. Don't be. And hide whatever that new drug is you have. I like it. -Are you talking? I was just thinking about my mom. She wouldn't leave him. I remember one time she made us dinner wearing sunglasses. I mean it was dark outside and in. But we never talked about it. -I was just thinking about my mom. She wouldn't leave him. I remember one time she made us dinner wearing sunglasses. I mean it was dark outside and in. But we never talked about it. Sun glasses? -Sun glasses? To hide a black eye. -To hide a black eye. Why wouldn't she leave? -Why wouldn't she leave? I think she was terrified of living with him...but maybe even more terrified of life without him. -I think she was terrified of living with him...but maybe even more terrified of life without him. I would have killed him. -I would have killed him. Everything would have been better if you had. You'd have liked your grandmother. And there'd be a girl out there that'd have her mother. I remember reading about her in the paper. They couldn't find her father and her mother was dead. I still feel guilty about that. -Everything would have been better if you had. You'd have liked your grandmother. And there'd be a girl out there that'd have her mother. I remember reading about her in the paper. They couldn't find her father and her mother was dead. I still feel guilty about that. Do you ever wish you had done it? -I loved him too much. After everything he did to you and your mom? -After everything he did to you and your mom? After everything. -After everything. That's so weird... -Dale wants to know if we should run an outside outlet for Christmas lights with a switch inside? Absolutely. Have him put it on a separate line. At Christmas, we'll pact it so full of lights, we'll make God wear sunglasses. -You look better than ever. I don't think Mom cares that much that my...that Peter left. -I don't think Mom cares that much that my...that Peter left. She seemed upset. -She seemed upset. What's wrong with your back? -I mean, do you need to have surgery on it or what? Because those pills you're taking are for a lot of pain. And you're going through them quick. Are you taking them still? -Are you taking them still? No, but I count them. In a sock isn't new, you know? -I don't know what that means. What kind of problem? The kind where there isn't really an answer. -The kind where there isn't really an answer. I still don't know what that means. -I still don't know what that means. I wanted you here so we could have a few months together. Maybe everything happens for a reason. Something bad to force something good. -I don't know what that means. What kind of problem? The kind where there isn't really an answer. -The kind where there isn't really an answer. I still don't know what that means. -I still don't know what that means. I wanted you here so we could have a few months together. Maybe everything happens for a reason. Something bad to force something good. -And you told Mom today? Yes. -We're all dying from the start. I just got picked for Advanced Placement. You lied to me! -You lied to me! I would have lied to me if I thought I'd believe it. -I would have lied to me if I thought I'd believe it. This was all for your sake, wasn't it? Having me here? Trying to get me to like you. -This was all for your sake, wasn't it? Having me here? Trying to get me to like you. I never tried to get you to like me. I tried to get you to love me. -I never tried to get you to like me. I tried to get you to love me. Well, congratulations! You fucking pulled it off! -I don't wanna go, Sam. Here. -I'd eat a lot of red meat. Good for you. -What would you do? I'd build a house. -What kind of house? You know what mortise and tenon is? -No one's really said four months is all you have, have they? Stage four pancreatic cancer. They haven't even pretended to offer treatment. You tell me, when would you start eating red meat? -Stage four pancreatic cancer. They haven't even pretended to offer treatment. You tell me, when would you start eating red meat? Can you build a house in four months? -Can you build a house in four months? I can die trying. -Good for you. I haven't been touched in years. -I'm sorry, I don't know what that was. A handshake, or you know, someone pats you on your back through clothes. Doctors, people who have to touch you. But not by people who want to. -A handshake, or you know, someone pats you on your back through clothes. Doctors, people who have to touch you. But not by people who want to. No. A friend... your mother? Everybody gets touched by someone they love. -No. A friend... your mother? Everybody gets touched by someone they love. Isn't that weird? I mean, I dated a little bit after my divorce, for four or five years. Six years. I know when my son was younger...maybe when he was ten or eleven even, he'd run up and wrap his arms around me. -I aimed high. We just weren't very much alike, I guess. I don't know. I liked your dad more than I liked you. -Was bankrupt and dead before I was twenty. Left you this place. -Left you this place. It was in my name so he wouldn't lose it. He stole it from everyone that deserved it by putting me on title. -It was in my name so he wouldn't lose it. He stole it from everyone that deserved it by putting me on title. Do you know what I'd give to have this! Forget how I got it! I can't afford dirt in this town. I live in Riverside, Goddammitt And you get to piss in the ocean. -Your kid was down around Diver's Cover again, smoking pot. I didn't write him up...told him I wouldn't tell you... Thanks for telling me. -Thanks for telling me. At least your father tried, George. -Ah! Oh.... I know there's an explanation. -Mr. Dokos called to complain that you and a boy are squatting illegally in the garage of your house. Check the permits. It was built as a guesthouse. It's a legally rentable unit grandfathered when South Laguna was incorporated. -I'm surprised he hasn't left. I haven't forced him to work. I only wet him down once. Why would he leave? -It's my day off. I thought I'd help with the plumbing. I need you to do me a favor. -I need you to do me a favor. God, you look like crap, George. -God, you look like crap, George. I want you to find someone for me. -Why do you let your dog crap on his lawn, day after day? I don't let him. He just loves to. -How many bedrooms will your house have? Three. -I just wanted to know where Mom was? Oh. Sorry. -Oh. Sorry. It's okay. -It's okay. She needs to be alone, I think. -She needs to be alone, I think. Because Dad left? -Because Dad left? She's a little sad, is all. -She's a little sad, is all. I don't even care if he ever comes back. -You should lock your doors. Ring the bell before you try the door. -Did Sam call to tell you he wouldn't be over this weekend? You let him pierce his nose? -Lock the door behind you. Where is he? -Where is he? Where he always is. -What are you doing? He doesn't answer. -He never answers. Why does he have a lock on his door? -Why does he have a lock on his door? Because he put the lock on! Do you think I told him he could have a nose ring?! Why do you ask me everything you should ask him!? I don't know anything, anymore! -I called everyone, everywhere! You just vanished! You could be dead! Thanks for waking me up. Picking me up. You're loud today. -Thanks for waking me up. Picking me up. You're loud today. You're inconsiderate and absolutely devoid of emotion! -You're inconsiderate and absolutely devoid of emotion! You're the most beautiful woman I have ever known in my life. -What? I'm not talking just physically. Even your anger is perfect. -I didn't think you'd know I went missing. You didn't think someone from your office would call and tell me you wrecked the entire building and threatened people with a baseball bat?! -You didn't think someone from your office would call and tell me you wrecked the entire building and threatened people with a baseball bat?! A blueprint spool. -A blueprint spool. Where have you been for a week?! -Where have you been for a week?! Four days. I left to think. -Four days. I left to think. What did you do with your dog? -What did you do with your dog? Kurt's been feeding him. -Kurt's been feeding him. But you can't call me while you think? -But you can't call me while you think? I wasn't thinking. Look, I'm sorry I didn't think to call you while I thought...I think. -I need to talk to you. Why would they tow your truck? -Why would they tow your truck? I was parked in day parking. -I was parked in day parking. Why call me? -Why call me? I'm going to tear down the shack and build my house. -I'm going to tear down the shack and build my house. You've been saying that for twenty years. While we were dating, you said it. -You've been saying that for twenty years. While we were dating, you said it. There's nothing anymore to stop me. -There's nothing anymore to stop me. Money? -Money? Severance pay. And I'm going to cash in my life insurance policy. -Severance pay. And I'm going to cash in my life insurance policy. How many years did I live with your beams and boards? First in the garage, then in the living room. We're going to do it, Robin. Next year. Next year. Salvaged floorboards from a house in Pasadena. Doors from a church in New Hampshire... -How many years did I live with your beams and boards? First in the garage, then in the living room. We're going to do it, Robin. Next year. Next year. Salvaged floorboards from a house in Pasadena. Doors from a church in New Hampshire... I love those doors. -I love those doors. Where will you live? -Where will you live? The garage. -The garage. Look, I wasn't serious about you taking Sam, so you don't have to get into any actual construction to get out of it. -Look, I wasn't serious about you taking Sam, so you don't have to get into any actual construction to get out of it. When's school over? -When's school over? Friday...God, I hate the thought of him home all day. -Friday...God, I hate the thought of him home all day. I'll be by Saturday to pick him up. -I'll be by Saturday to pick him up. He doesn't want to spend the weekends with you anymore. -He doesn't want to spend the weekends with you anymore. Not for the weekend. For the summer. -You and Sam are going to live in a garage without plumbing for the summer? The garage is plumbed. I'll put in a toilet. We'll survive. -The garage is plumbed. I'll put in a toilet. We'll survive. Thank you for at least sounding sincere. -Thank you for at least sounding sincere. Sounding? I need help. He's cheap labor. -Sounding? I need help. He's cheap labor. One of you would end up dead. -One of you would end up dead. At least we'll have a house to show for it. -At least we'll have a house to show for it. Forget it, really. I'll survive. -Forget it, really. I'll survive. I want him with me. -I want him with me. No, you don't. Trust me. -Hey, hey! I'm married. -What was I supposed to do? When you didn't show up Saturday, I tried to call. Your phone isn't working. I don't have a phone. -I don't have a phone. I drove over and you were gone. -I drove over and you were gone. I can't leave the house? -I can't leave the house? Last time you were gone for a week! -Last time you were gone for a week! Did you tell him he was spending the summer with me? -Did you tell him he was spending the summer with me? No. I was going to let you do that. -No. I was going to let you do that. He's not spending the summer in Tahoe. -I did say he could go. Let's go. -George -- He's not spending the entire summer with another kid in Tahoe. If he leaves, I will follow him up there and I will drag him home by his nose ring. He can hate me. You can hate me. He can try to kill me while I sleep. You can call the police. You can call your husband or your attorney, but Sam is spending the summer with me. He's my son. He's sixteen. That's it. -We're fine. Turkey sandwiches. Well, for later then. -It makes me sad. What? -What? I used to live here. -I used to live here. But you hated four out of the five you did. -But you hated four out of the five you did. I was here six years. And I only hated two. -I was here six years. And I only hated two. Which? -Which? The first and the last. -I don't even like turkey sandwiches. What kind of pizza? Sam's favorite. -I was up on the roof this morning, tearing it down and it struck me as strong as anything ever has. That I'm happy today. What have you been before today? -What have you been before today? It was just that, maybe the way the sun struck the ocean, the sound of the waves. It was simple, whatever it was. Then I started thinking about the last time I felt this good. It's been a long time. -It was just that, maybe the way the sun struck the ocean, the sound of the waves. It was simple, whatever it was. Then I started thinking about the last time I felt this good. It's been a long time. Do you remember? -Do you remember? The only time I can think of for sure, I was holding onto Sam in the ocean, saving him from the waves. -You head was pressed against my chest. I could feel your heart racing. And I remember I kissed your hair. We have it on video! Was that when? My parents were down for his sixth birthday! I remember that. -What is it? I'm fine. Nothing. I'll drop by your lunch tomorrow. -It's not breakfast yet. I dreamed about your house last night. -I dreamed about your house last night. Finished or unfinished? -Finished or unfinished? It was perfect, George. Amazing. It was so real. -It was perfect, George. Amazing. It was so real. Didn't you once dream you could lick people well, though? -Didn't you once dream you could lick people well, though? That wasn't a dream. That was Sam. -That wasn't a dream. That was Sam. Oh...with his ear infection! -Oh...with his ear infection! My tongue around the edge of his ear is what cured him. -Go in there and lick his attitude. The antibiotics weren't working. It's what I believe, George. -I've been wrong a lot in my life. Hindsight. It's like foresight without a future. -With your hands or your tongue? You're not well. -I thought you'd be up with the sun. My stupid back. -Do you need anything? I'll go to the pharmacy. I have some Demerol at home. No, I'm...thanks. I took something. -Where's Sam? He won't use my shower. I don't get it. -You brought your kids? I kind of said that maybe they could do something. Help. I'm sorry. They really wanted to come. I really wanted to come and they wanted to be with me. I don't think they'll be too much trouble. -I kind of said that maybe they could do something. Help. I'm sorry. They really wanted to come. I really wanted to come and they wanted to be with me. I don't think they'll be too much trouble. I'll find something that won't kill them. -I'll find something that won't kill them. Or wound. Let them keep their eyes and fingers. -Or wound. Let them keep their eyes and fingers. You're a good mother. -Do you need help? I think so. -It's been a while. This was my very first slow dance. -Tell him how you made me fall in love with you. I smiled at him. -I smiled at him. Watch out for the smile, boys. -Let's see if you've gotten any better. Oh, I'm worse. Much, much worse. -Maybe you shouldn't come everyday. No. Why? I like to be with Sam. -No. Why? I like to be with Sam. It's just that there's less that Adam and Ryan can do anymore. I'd hate to have them bored. -I know they're not much help, but they love coming here, George. How much time do they get to spend with their dad? -How much time do they get to spend with their dad? What is it with this? They wouldn't spend less time with Peter if they lived here! He has no time! -Do you know Alyssa thinks something is up with us? She's giving me crap about being away from Peter and now you're trying to do the same thing! What no one seems to realize is that Peter isn't there! He's not there! And when he is, he isn't! So, if you don't want me here, or you don't want my kids here, just tell me, George. I'll stop coming. But it won't be because of Peter. It'll be because you asked me to stop. Say what you need to say, because I'm not leaving until I hear it. I'd rather you not be here. -I thought we were helping. I can hire workers to help me. -Nothing is going on with us, is it? Going on? -Going on? When I picked you up from the train station...what you said. -When I picked you up from the train station...what you said. What did I say? -What did I say? That thing about I was the most, you know, beautiful person you had ever known. What was that? -That thing about I was the most, you know, beautiful person you had ever known. What was that? That was the truth. -That was the truth. You've never said that before. -You've never said that before. I'll say a lot of things I've never said before. It's habit. -I'll say a lot of things I've never said before. It's habit. It sounded like a pick-up line. -It sounded like a pick-up line. I can't pick you up. -I'm married. You bit my finger. -You bit my finger. If I weren't married? -Let's not do this, okay? I need to know. -I need to know. You need to know what? Do I still love you? -Is your back still killing you? I didn't think you'd come today. -I didn't think you'd come today. I kept thinking about it, what you said... I hope you were trying to keep me away fro the sake of me. -I kept thinking about it, what you said... I hope you were trying to keep me away fro the sake of me. No. Mostly me. -No. Mostly me. Peter left me yesterday. -Peter left me yesterday. Left you? -Left you? No goodbye. No fuck you. No 'Are you in love with George?' -No goodbye. No fuck you. No 'Are you in love with George?' What did he say? -What did he say? 'I'll be in the bedroom.' -Back. Neck. Back. What? -I could die. So could I. -Are you going to kiss me? It's not my back that's killing me. -Don't move! I'm an idiot to have you up there. -I better get the kids home. Not a perfect day. -Been thinking? No. -It'll take you like twenty, thirty minutes. Does Alyssa know? -Does Alyssa know? Nothing. -Nothing. You got any weed? -You got any weed? You got the money? -What's your deal with Alyssa? Don't even...I'm there. -Don't even...I'm there. I wasn't sure. -I wasn't sure. She wouldn't even fucking go out with until she was sixteen. I mean, that's not even a rule, just her own thing. She like figures things out on her own and then that's it. -He already knows everything about what he can't do. You can tell him not to even look at you, if you want. I'm thinking it's too weird now. -It's just a joke. A stupid joke. I could use the money. -He said he heard hammering. Who? -What are you talking about? I'm sixteen years old. I'm underage. How could I possibly threaten you? -What the fuck? Everything happens for a reason. That's what my dad said. -Everything happens for a reason. That's what my dad said. Then you tell me, what just happened? -Then you tell me, what just happened? The payoff. -I don't have a clue anymore. I wish you'd talk to him. He needs a man. His father is a man. -His father is a man. A man he respects. -We've eaten. Is Lois still here? I'm starved. -Is Lois still here? I'm starved. I'll make you something. -Do you think it's odd your kids don't hug you? Should I? -Should I? It would worry me. -If I let everything that should worry me, worry me, I'd be dead from worry. What would you be if you asked Adam and Ryan to run in now and hug you? -What would you be if you asked Adam and Ryan to run in now and hug you? I'd be you. -To shave your chest? We should take a vacation. -The biggest waste of time since television. Do you remember anything I've said that wasn't negative? -I'd love to drive through New England in the Fall. Sooner than the Fall. -After the kids are back in school. Lois will stay with them. Or we can pawn them off on your parents. -I'm helping George build his house. What? -What? I've been helping for the last few days. Weeks. Sam's working. I told you Sam was working. I mean, he really is. -I've been helping for the last few days. Weeks. Sam's working. I told you Sam was working. I mean, he really is. Good. That was the plan. We couldn't stand him and George needed help. -I can't go right now. You can't go because of Sam? -You can't go because of Sam? We haven't been away together for three years. What difference does a few months make? -We haven't been away together for three years. What difference does a few months make? You can't go with me because of Sam? -You can't go with me because of Sam? Sam is working at something for the first time in his life. Once in a while he even talks to me. I want to be around for that. -Sam is working at something for the first time in his life. Once in a while he even talks to me. I want to be around for that. So am I, Robin. I'm working at something, too. I'm even talking. Do you want to be around for it? -I was talking about our marriage. I know. -That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? What are you doing home? -What are you doing home? I always felt I could never marry you without first showing you what a fabulous life you cloud live despite me. -You never really trusted me. You live a fabulous life, Robin. -You live a fabulous life, Robin. Despite you. -Despite you. I never asked for more. -I never asked for more. That's the problem. -That's the problem. Please don't leave me. -Where are the kids? Sam took them to a movie. -Sam took them to a movie. I'll be in the bedroom. -I hardly recognize you with a beard. That was my plan...to be hardly recognizable to you as me. -That was my plan...to be hardly recognizable to you as me. I feel in love with George again. -Thanks for talking about me behind my back...useful in court. Are you wearing eye shadow? -No. Take it off. -Do it now! If I walk out the door, who's gonna be here tonight for the follow through? -You don't look like you. Either do you. -I thought I might be able to help, but it looks like you have all you can handle. Do you like red? -Hey. Hey. -Hey. You got a dog? -You got a dog? It's not ours. It's George's. -I've missed you guys. Why? -Do you know anything about building a house? No. -No. I guess I could teach you some things. -I guess I could teach you some things. Okay. -What are you doing in my room? I didn't go in your room. -I didn't go in your room. I locked the door! Get out! I locked the door! Get out! -There were no PG's. So I just gave them money to play games. Can you stay for dinner? -Can you stay for dinner? Depends on what I'd give up on. -The door was open. I don't know what I'm doing. -I don't know what I'm doing. I wouldn't let Adam or Ryan see you doing it. -You're sure about this? Yeah. -Yeah. You could keep it and rent it out? -You could keep it and rent it out? This is what he wants. -This is what he wants. I read the letter. You read the will. He wants you to keep it. To live in it some day. -I read the letter. You read the will. He wants you to keep it. To live in it some day. Then maybe this isn't what he wants, but this what he was hoping for. Maybe it's what I want. -Run downstairs and give your dad a hug. Why? -Why? He'll be gone for his birthday. -Queer. What did you say? -What did you say? Dad said it first. -Why do we have to get up and eat with you this early? I just thought it would be nice. -All day again? Not all day. I'll be home after lunch. -Ryan, would you rather swim or work? Can we really help build a house? -I brought a few of my own. Someone stop her! -Adam, that's not true! Yes, it is. -Yes, it is. Would you stop being ridiculous? Your father wants Sam home as much as I do. -Nothing R, okay? Enough for drinks, popcorn and candy! -Go tell your father we're eating. Dad's home, already? -Dad's home, already? In the bedroom. -They ain't men, Mae Rose. They're convicts. And nigger convicts to boot. Can you say nigger? Nagger? -Nagger? No, nigger. -No, nigger. Nigger. -Nigger. That's my girl. -A night in the hole? Better make it a week. -She'll be fine. She just had a bit of a shock. Is Mae Rose okay? -Is Mae Rose okay? She's doing just fine. -She's doing just fine. And the baby? -And the baby? He's a big one. -He's a big one. It's a boy! Well, let's get a look at him. -Biscuit, when you're done with Jangle Leg, you think you could squeeze me in? Thought you'd never ask. Biscuit needs some gravy. -Thought you'd never ask. Biscuit needs some gravy. I'm talking about a haircut. -I'm talking about a haircut. Cost you a pair of nylons. -Don't take it so hard, Biscuit. She don't mean nothin' to him. Hell with him. It ain't that. -These are free papers. What am I gonna do out there, Ray? I can't go home to my mama like this. I'll get the strap for sure. -What am I gonna do out there, Ray? I can't go home to my mama like this. I'll get the strap for sure. Come on, Biscuit, this is good news. Your mama's gonna break down in tears when you show up on her doorstep. -It's 1945. It's a different world now. Not for me, it ain't. -Not for me, it ain't. Well you can't stay here, Biscuit. This ain't no life for a man. Any one of these fellas would give their right arm to be in your shoes. I sure know I would. -We get the games on the radio sometimes. We played down in Jackson yesterday. Heard a rumor you've got a boy up here who can hit the ball a ton. -We played down in Jackson yesterday. Heard a rumor you've got a boy up here who can hit the ball a ton. You probably mean Can't Get Right. That's him over there. -You probably mean Can't Get Right. That's him over there. Can't Get Right? That's the kid's name? Can I talk to him? -Can't Get Right? That's the kid's name? Can I talk to him? You can try, but you won't get too far. Why you interested? -You can try, but you won't get too far. Why you interested? Crawford's are always looking for new talent. -Crawford's are always looking for new talent. Maybe you didn't notice, but this is a prison. -Maybe you didn't notice, but this is a prison. There are ways around that. Right sergeant? -Yo, Blocker, what's going on here? Kid's getting out. I got him a pardon. -Kid's getting out. I got him a pardon. Yeah, but what about me and Ray? I didn't see our names on that pardon. You said you were gonna put in a good word for us. -Yeah, but what about me and Ray? I didn't see our names on that pardon. You said you were gonna put in a good word for us. I did, Claude. I mentioned you. I mentioned you both. But the fact is, pardons don't come cheap. The kid can hit. What can you do? -Look, I am truly sorry about this. I'd like to help you... But you can't. -But you can't. At least the kid's getting out. Isn't this what you wanted? -Oh, no, Ray. Not tonight. Spanky's not happy with you. Is Spanky here? -Is Spanky here? No, but... -No, but... Then what's the problem? -Then what's the problem? Do yourself a favor and find another place where they let you in the front door. -Do yourself a favor and find another place where they let you in the front door. But this is where the action is and I have to be where the action is. Look, when your old lady wanted those alligator shoes, didn't I come through for you? Ain't she stepping in style now? -But this is where the action is and I have to be where the action is. Look, when your old lady wanted those alligator shoes, didn't I come through for you? Ain't she stepping in style now? Yeah... -Yeah... Well, alright then. What do you think about this new tie? -Well, alright then. What do you think about this new tie? Sharp. -Sharp. I look good tonight. And I feel lucky, too. -Yeah. My name's Yvette. Sylvia sent me. You look just like she said. -My name's Yvette. Sylvia sent me. You look just like she said. She's alright, isn't she? -She's alright, isn't she? Oh, she's fine. She's just not coming today. -Oh, she's fine. She's just not coming today. Why not? -Why not? She got married last month. -She got married last month. Married? -Married? Real nice guy, too. Trumpet player. They moved down to New Orleans. -She always said that if you were on the outside... But I'm not on the outside. I'm in here. -But I'm not on the outside. I'm in here. I know she's sorry she won't be seeing you anymore. Anyway, she wanted me to take care of you. -I know she's sorry she won't be seeing you anymore. Anyway, she wanted me to take care of you. Take care of me? -Take care of me? You know, go to the tonk or whatever. -You know, go to the tonk or whatever. I'm too old for you. Besides, I'm not much in the mood. -I'm too old for you. Besides, I'm not much in the mood. Want me to come back some other time? -Want me to come back some other time? Nice girl like you don't belong in a place like this. But if you talk to Sylvia, tell her old Claude said congratulations. -Damn dentures slipping again. Everything falls apart when you grow old, eh, Claude? Time sure marches on. Yes, boss. -Yes, boss. You know, I'm fixing on retiring at the end of the summer, gonna try to enjoy what few years I have left. What do you think of this place? It's one of those new retirement communities down on the Gulf. -I apologize, Claude. That was rude of me. That's alright, boss. Takes a lot more than a colorful brochure to hurt my feelings. -That's alright, boss. Takes a lot more than a colorful brochure to hurt my feelings. You been on the farm for quite a spell, haven't you? -You been on the farm for quite a spell, haven't you? Over forty years now. Me and Ray Gibson out there. -Forty years. That's a long time for any crime, even murder. It's a hell of a lot longer when you're innocent. -It's a hell of a lot longer when you're innocent. Half the men in this prison swear they're innocent. Don't you think that's kinda funny? -Half the men in this prison swear they're innocent. Don't you think that's kinda funny? You have to forgive me if I don't laugh. -You know I trust you, Claude. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. I'll be right back. -Goodnight, Mr. Wilkins. Mr. Pike. Goodnight, Claude. -Cool it, Ray. You're gonna get us in a lot of trouble. He's right, Gibson. Put down the gun and we'll work this out. -Claude, mind helping me to the bathroom? Sure, boss. -Sure, boss. I'm not your boss. Not anymore. -I got it... boss. He don't sound like he's from 'round here. -I don't see no wedding ring, Banks. Conjugal visits are for married prisoners only. You think you could make an exception just this once, boss? She came all the way down from New York. -You think you could make an exception just this once, boss? She came all the way down from New York. I don't need the Baptists on my back, but I suppose I could issue a temporary marriage license for a nominal fee. -Craddock!... Williams... Henshaw!... Banks! Here! -Comfortable? As a pair of fur-lined bedroom slippers, boss. -As a pair of fur-lined bedroom slippers, boss. We'll see what those slippers feel like after, say, 24 hours. And if you step down off them bottles -- if one toe so much as touches the dirt -- one of these boys is gonna shoot you dead. Let's see. We need a special man for this job. -For the kind of money they charge here, you'd think they could hire somebody to actually wash the dishes. Claude. Here's to your new job down at the bank. I always knew you'd make something of yourself. -Claude. Here's to your new job down at the bank. I always knew you'd make something of yourself. Know what I'm going to buy with my first pay check? -Season tickets to the Yankees. Right there on the first base line. What's wrong, baby? I was hoping you were gonna say an engagement ring, Claude. -Engagement ring! That's what respectable folks do. Get a job, get married, start having babies. That's what you want, isn't it? -That's what respectable folks do. Get a job, get married, start having babies. That's what you want, isn't it? Sure it is. I just don't see any reason to rush into things. Damn, look at this shirt. I'll be right back. -Come on, honey, let's get out of here. But I'm having a good time... -Did you go see my cousin Maynard like I asked you in my letter? Of course I did. He said he'd file an appeal right away. You didn't tell me he was so good looking. -Of course I did. He said he'd file an appeal right away. You didn't tell me he was so good looking. Yeah, that side of the family has all the looks and none of the brains. I hope he don't mess things up. -Yeah, that side of the family has all the looks and none of the brains. I hope he don't mess things up. He seemed like a pretty good lawyer to me. His offices take up an entire floor of that big, new building on 125th Street, and he was using all these words I never heard before. He even offered me a job. -He seemed like a pretty good lawyer to me. His offices take up an entire floor of that big, new building on 125th Street, and he was using all these words I never heard before. He even offered me a job. A job, huh? Well, that's nice, real nice. You won't have to work long. I'll be back soon enough. After I start work at First Federal Bank of Manhattan, I'll be keeping you in style. Everything will get back to normal again. That's a promise. -Listen, Claude, Maynard wanted to know if he should file the appeal on behalf of your friend, too. Ray Gibson? No, no. He's the reason I'm in here, Daisy. For all I know, he's got a record a mile long. I got a better shot of getting out of here on my own. You tell Maynard to think about me, concentrate on me. Understand? -Ray Gibson? No, no. He's the reason I'm in here, Daisy. For all I know, he's got a record a mile long. I got a better shot of getting out of here on my own. You tell Maynard to think about me, concentrate on me. Understand? Sure, Claude, whatever you say. -I've never seen you in here before. That's because I've never been here before. -That's because I've never been here before. I'm Sylvia. What's your name? -Can't you remember your own name? "I know it begins with a ""C""..." -"I know it begins with a ""C""..." "Well, Mr. ""C"", how about buying a girl a drink? Two bourbons." -"Well, Mr. ""C"", how about buying a girl a drink? Two bourbons." I really shouldn't. I gotta keep an eye on my friend. -I really shouldn't. I gotta keep an eye on my friend. He looks like he can take care of himself. -Claude. That's my name. Claude. That's never happened before. You're cute. You have any money, Claude? -You're cute. You have any money, Claude? Ten dollars. But I need it to get home. -Ten dollars. But I need it to get home. Why would you want to go home? It's so early. -Don't I know you? I don't think so. -I don't think so. Sure I do. What's your name again? -Sure I do. What's your name again? Claude Banks. -Claude Banks. Claude Banks. How could I forget that? You've got to remember me. Ray Gibson. We went to high school together. -Claude Banks. How could I forget that? You've got to remember me. Ray Gibson. We went to high school together. You went to Monroe? -You went to Monroe? That's right! Good old Monroe... -Here, this belongs to you. It was empty when I found it. Good old Monroe. -What I want to know is what happened to your cush between the time that you got up from the table and when I caught up with you in the Johnny? I don't see where that's any of your business. -I don't see where that's any of your business. Did those two muscle heads shake you down? Swear I've seen them down at the track with Sure-shot Riley. That's it, ain't it? A gambling debt. -Where they taking us, anyway? Probably to Spanky's headquarters down at the pier. -Probably to Spanky's headquarters down at the pier. Good, I'm looking forward to meeting this Spanky. Give me a chance to straighten out this whole mess. -Good, I'm looking forward to meeting this Spanky. Give me a chance to straighten out this whole mess. I can't wait to see that. You slay me, man. -What are they gonna do to us? You? Dine and ditch, right? Over ten bucks? You're probably looking at a thumb. -You? Dine and ditch, right? Over ten bucks? You're probably looking at a thumb. A thumb? What do you mean, like cut it off? For ten bucks? That include the tip? -Come on, daddy-o. You haven't said a word since we started. Least you could do is make some friendly conversation. Look, man, I don't want friendly conversation. I don't want to be your friend. I've seen your friends and I don't like them. I just want to do this thing and get back to New York in time to start my job. -Look, man, I don't want friendly conversation. I don't want to be your friend. I've seen your friends and I don't like them. I just want to do this thing and get back to New York in time to start my job. Start your job? What kind of job? -Start your job? What kind of job? Well, if you must know, bank teller at First Federal of Manhattan. I'm responsible for keeping track of hundreds, occasionally thousands of dollars. -Well, if you must know, bank teller at First Federal of Manhattan. I'm responsible for keeping track of hundreds, occasionally thousands of dollars. That's some long green. -That's some long green. Damn straight, it is. I got my own set of keys because I'm supposed to open up. So if I ain't there 8 a.m. Monday morning, there's gonna be hell to pay. -What? Nothing. -Nothing. No, tell me what's so funny. -No, tell me what's so funny. I don't know. Bank teller. Sounds like ladies work to me. -I don't know. Bank teller. Sounds like ladies work to me. Well, maybe I should dig around in other people's clothes for money. It's obviously been highly successful for you. -Well, maybe I should dig around in other people's clothes for money. It's obviously been highly successful for you. Hey, you'd be surprised what you find in other people's pockets. Just gotta avoid them deadbeat bank tellers. Get you every time. -Hey, you'd be surprised what you find in other people's pockets. Just gotta avoid them deadbeat bank tellers. Get you every time. I didn't start out to be a bank teller. I was gonna be a ballplayer. Even had an offer to play short for the Newark Eagles. -I didn't start out to be a bank teller. I was gonna be a ballplayer. Even had an offer to play short for the Newark Eagles. Why didn't you take it? -Why didn't you take it? The Negro League don't pay so good. And you're always on the road. That don't wash with Daisy. -The Negro League don't pay so good. And you're always on the road. That don't wash with Daisy. You gave up baseball to be a bank teller? I can't latch on to that. -You gave up baseball to be a bank teller? I can't latch on to that. At some point a man's got to get serious about his future. I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about. -At some point a man's got to get serious about his future. I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about. You're talking about giving up baseball to be a bank teller. -You're talking about giving up baseball to be a bank teller. Bank teller's just a start. I got plans. Real plans. Not opening some Zoom-Boom Room. This time next year I'll be a loan officer. -Bank teller's just a start. I got plans. Real plans. Not opening some Zoom-Boom Room. This time next year I'll be a loan officer. A loan officer? -A loan officer? That's right, a loan officer. -That's right, a loan officer. So you mean, if I needed some jack to get my nightclub up and running, I'd have to hype some square like you? -So you mean, if I needed some jack to get my nightclub up and running, I'd have to hype some square like you? Uh-huh. -How would I get a loan, anyway? You need collateral. -You need collateral. Like this? -Like this? That thing? Who'd you steal it from? -That thing? Who'd you steal it from? My daddy gave me this watch. -My daddy gave me this watch. Yeah? Who'd he steal it from? -Yeah? Who'd he steal it from? My daddy is dead so watch your mouth. You can say what you want about me, but don't be dragging my daddy into it. This watch means the world to me. Solid gold. Keeps perfect time. -My daddy is dead so watch your mouth. You can say what you want about me, but don't be dragging my daddy into it. This watch means the world to me. Solid gold. Keeps perfect time. Looks like a fake to me. Loan denied! -Ah, go chase yourself. I'll take my business elsewhere. And for future reference, you are no longer welcome at Ray's Boom-Boom Room. There is no Boom-Boom Room. -There is no Boom-Boom Room. When there is, you can forget about it. And I swear to God, you ever talk about my daddy again I'm gonna kick your bank-telling, loan-denying ass, you got me? -When there is, you can forget about it. And I swear to God, you ever talk about my daddy again I'm gonna kick your bank-telling, loan-denying ass, you got me? Oooh... -Oooh... I think I liked you better when you kept your trap shut. -Maybe we oughta find another place. Are you kidding? Tell me you don't want a slice of that pie right over there. -Are you kidding? Tell me you don't want a slice of that pie right over there. I must have left my appetite outside, which is where I think we ought to be right now. -"You mean this sign? The one that says ""No Coloreds Allowed."" That's a good question. Ray, how come we missed the sign?" Look, ma'am, we've been driving all day. We'd just like to purchase one of those pies and we'll be on our way. -Thanks for backing me up here, Uncle Claude. Don't Uncle Claude me. You get a load of those crackers? Couldn't be a mouthful of teeth among the bunch of 'em. Why you want to pick a fight with people like that for? -Don't Uncle Claude me. You get a load of those crackers? Couldn't be a mouthful of teeth among the bunch of 'em. Why you want to pick a fight with people like that for? You're soft. -You're soft. What'd you say? -I said you're soft. Hey, man, don't ever call me that. -Hey, man, don't ever call me that. I call it like I see it, and what I see is definitely soft. -Alright. You want some pie? Yeah, I want some pie. -Yeah, I want some pie. Okay then, I'm gonna walk over to that counter and get us some fucking pie. -Nice meeting you? You've been here before, haven't you? What gave you that idea? -What gave you that idea? Oh, I don't know, maybe because our lives depend on it, I just sort of thought you knew what you were doing! -Oh, I don't know, maybe because our lives depend on it, I just sort of thought you knew what you were doing! Don't get all agitated on me. I bought a bottle of rum from a couple of dudes, I heard 'em talking... -Don't get all agitated on me. I bought a bottle of rum from a couple of dudes, I heard 'em talking... Let me get this straight. We drove all the way down to Klan country 'cause you heard a couple of guys talking? -Let me get this straight. We drove all the way down to Klan country 'cause you heard a couple of guys talking? What are you complaining about? It worked out. Everything's cool. Now, come on, let's head down there and see what's shaking. We deserve a little reward. -What are you complaining about? It worked out. Everything's cool. Now, come on, let's head down there and see what's shaking. We deserve a little reward. Reward? -Reward? There are people down there having fun. I want to be one of them. I want you to be one of them. On Monday you can be a bank teller if you want, but tonight you're a bootlegger with a truck full of Puerto Rican rum and a fistful of cash. -Hey, Ray. I've been looking for you. Here I am. -Here I am. Guess we better get going, huh? -Guess we better get going, huh? Still got that ten dollars? -Still got that ten dollars? Well, not exactly. See, I met this girl. Real nice girl. God-fearing girl. Her name's Sylvia. -Well, not exactly. See, I met this girl. Real nice girl. God-fearing girl. Her name's Sylvia. That jelly you were talking to right here? -That jelly you were talking to right here? She's in a tight spot. Her mama needs this operation, and they ain't got the money for it. Their church took up a collection but they were still short... -She's in a tight spot. Her mama needs this operation, and they ain't got the money for it. Their church took up a collection but they were still short... So you made a generous contribution. -So you made a generous contribution. What can I say? When the spirit moves me. -What can I say? When the spirit moves me. That was mighty charitable of you, Claude. Looks like we both got fucked tonight. -That was mighty charitable of you, Claude. Looks like we both got fucked tonight. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? While you were upstairs doing God's work, I was getting jack-legged by a fool with four threes. -While you were upstairs doing God's work, I was getting jack-legged by a fool with four threes. You lost all our money in a card game? -You lost all our money in a card game? He even got my daddy's watch. -He even got my daddy's watch. Fuck that cheap-ass watch -- I mean, how the hell are we gonna get home without any money? -Fuck that cheap-ass watch -- I mean, how the hell are we gonna get home without any money? We've still got 36 cases of rum. That's better than money. -I think he's hurt pretty bad. He's dead. -He's dead. Oh, man, I've never seen a dead body before! -What do you think you're doing?! The man's been dead for two seconds! Don't you have any respect? It ain't here. -It ain't here. What ain't there? -What ain't there? My daddy's watch. This is the dude I was telling you about -- -Yeah, nobody puts 'em away like old what's-his-name. Winston. His name's Winston. -Winston. His name's Winston. Come on, Ray, better get Winston back to the truck. -Would you look at that, Ray. Winston up and died on us. Hell with him then. If he can't share the driving, he can't ride in the truck. -Man, this is gonna delay everything. Spanky's gonna be pissed. Spanky's gonna be pissed? Poor Spanky. Fuck Spanky! What the hell kind of a name is Spanky, anyway? You're responsible for this situation. I blame you for everything. If it wasn't for you, I'd be home having a hot meal right now. -Spanky's gonna be pissed? Poor Spanky. Fuck Spanky! What the hell kind of a name is Spanky, anyway? You're responsible for this situation. I blame you for everything. If it wasn't for you, I'd be home having a hot meal right now. "If it wasn't for me, you'd be washing up on the beach at Coney Island right now. ""I need all my thumbs and fingers for praying and doing good.""" -Life?! How long is life? We were just walking back to the truck. We didn't do nothing! Fuck life! Life?! What's life mean? There's no way I can do life. I got a job starts Monday morning! -I wouldn't do that if I was you. Shut up. It's too damn hot. What do you know, anyway? -Why do you think they call him Jangle Leg? Somebody just told me he wins the three-legged race every year. -Somebody just told me he wins the three-legged race every year. So? -So? He does it all by himself. -This fork is filthy. The fork is the least of your worries, Claude. -What a second, you've been in here since you were thirteen? What about you, Radio? -I kinda lost track of how many people we killed that night. Must have been 15 or twenty -- not counting women and children. It was a real bloodbath. All that screaming... Pack of lies. Don't listen to him. We didn't kill nobody. We were railroaded. And we gonna prove that. -Pack of lies. Don't listen to him. We didn't kill nobody. We were railroaded. And we gonna prove that. He just blocked it out. Nigger's crazy. He's the one who did all the stabbing. He's capable of some heinous shit. How 'bout him down there? -No, man. I want you to have it. Wait up there, Claude. You give that guy your corn bread and the next thing you know you'll be ironing his shirts and clipping his toenails. -Cookie drew me a map to Greenville. So? -So? You know what I'm saying. -You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I know what your saying. And I'm saying if you made it that far, they'd be watching every train that pulls out of that station. -Yeah, I know what your saying. And I'm saying if you made it that far, they'd be watching every train that pulls out of that station. That's why we won't take the train. Cookie showed me where there's a farm house. They got a boat there. -That's why we won't take the train. Cookie showed me where there's a farm house. They got a boat there. What do you know about boats? I bet you can't even swim. -What I know about boats is they take you to freedom. Come on, man. I think we can do this. Why are you always talking about we? There is no we. There is a me, there is a you. But there is no we between us. -You want out of this place, don't you? Don't tell me you're starting to like it here. No, I don't like it here. Look around. There's nothing but ass. Male ass! Balls and ass! Believe you me, I'm getting out of here. -No, I don't like it here. Look around. There's nothing but ass. Male ass! Balls and ass! Believe you me, I'm getting out of here. What does that mean? -What does that mean? Forget it. -Forget it. I'm not gonna forget it. What does that mean? If you've got a plan, I think I have a right to know about it. I told you my plan. -I'm not gonna forget it. What does that mean? If you've got a plan, I think I have a right to know about it. I told you my plan. Getting a map from a chubby chef named Cookie? Dragging our asses through the swamps in search of some worm-eaten boat? That ain't a plan, that's a vacation for two in the hole. When you've got a map to New York City, you get back to me. -Maynard Banks, Esquire. Attorney at law. Gimme that. That doesn't concern you. -Gimme that. That doesn't concern you. I'm sure it don't. -What's up, Ray? Claude. -Claude. Sure is hot today. Think it'll rain later? -Sure is hot today. Think it'll rain later? What do you want, Claude? -What do you want, Claude? What do I want? What makes you think I want something? -What do I want? What makes you think I want something? My daddy always said when a man starts talking about the weather keep you hand on your wallet. -My daddy always said when a man starts talking about the weather keep you hand on your wallet. Your daddy must have been a helluva guy, a deep man, a wise man. Sure wish I could have met him -- -Your daddy must have been a helluva guy, a deep man, a wise man. Sure wish I could have met him -- Cut the bullshit. What do you want, Claude? -Cut the bullshit. What do you want, Claude? You still got that map? -You still got that map? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, if you're still thinking about booking it, I want in. I think we can make it. -Well, if you're still thinking about booking it, I want in. I think we can make it. We? Did I hear you say we? As I recall, you're the one who said there is no we. Guess we got some bad news in that letter, huh? -We? Did I hear you say we? As I recall, you're the one who said there is no we. Guess we got some bad news in that letter, huh? Look, my cousin Maynard is a lawyer. He filed an appeal on my behalf -- -Look, my cousin Maynard is a lawyer. He filed an appeal on my behalf -- On your behalf. What happened to we? -On your behalf. What happened to we? The appeal was denied. Then Daisy went and fell for Maynard. They're engaged to be married, can you believe that? -The appeal was denied. Then Daisy went and fell for Maynard. They're engaged to be married, can you believe that? Well, let's just think about that for a moment. He's a successful lawyer up in New York City and you're down here with a bright future in the cotton picking business. Eeny, meeny, miney, Maynard. -Well, let's just think about that for a moment. He's a successful lawyer up in New York City and you're down here with a bright future in the cotton picking business. Eeny, meeny, miney, Maynard. Come on, man. Don't shut me out. I'm telling you, you and me, that map, we can go places. -Come on, man. Don't shut me out. I'm telling you, you and me, that map, we can go places. You know what, Claude? This whole time we've been down here, you've done nothing but think about yourself, acting like this whole thing is my fault. That plan with your cousin, did that include me? -No. At least you're honest for once. So now you want to be my friend? Well, let me tell you something, Claude-my- shit-don't-stink-Banks. You got a lot to learn about friendship. -At least you're honest for once. So now you want to be my friend? Well, let me tell you something, Claude-my- shit-don't-stink-Banks. You got a lot to learn about friendship. Does that mean I'm in? -Does that mean I'm in? I don't think so, Claude. You'd just slow me down. We'd have to stop every five minutes so you could polish your silverware. There's no way around it, you're soft. -I don't think so, Claude. You'd just slow me down. We'd have to stop every five minutes so you could polish your silverware. There's no way around it, you're soft. What'd you say? -What'd you say? I said you're soft. -I said you're soft. Don't call me that. You know I hate it when you call me that. -You did it, man! You got us out! Next stop, New York City! New York's a long way's off. Let's just keep moving, okay? -I know these trees all look the same, but I'm getting an awful familiar vibration from this one right here. You sure you know where we're going? Absolutely. The map is very clear. -Absolutely. The map is very clear. Let me take a look at that map. -You call this a map? What was Cookie smoking when he drew this? Cookie didn't draw it. I did. -Cookie didn't draw it. I did. You drew this?! -You drew this?! I knew you wouldn't come if I didn't have a map. -I knew you wouldn't come if I didn't have a map. That gripes my soul, man. We're out here in the middle of nowhere. There is shit nibbling at my balls! Don't tell me you don't know where we're going! -Come on, Ray, time to go! I'm stuck! -Don't mention it. Hell, you'd probably be half way to New York by now... -Hell, you'd probably be half way to New York by now... I'm serious, man. Don't mention it. Ever. -Keep it together, Claude. You wake up the man, he'll shoot you for sure. He'd be doing me a favor. I'm getting outta here one way or the other! Goddamn rats and shit! Fuck! -All right, man, just settle down. We'll get outta here, Claude. We'll get outta here real soon. How the fuck are we gonna do that, Ray?! -We'll just get off at the next stop. Say what? -Say what? That's right, we'll get off at the next stop. The train's pulling into the station right now. -That's right, we'll get off at the next stop. The train's pulling into the station right now. The hell you talking about? What train? -The hell you talking about? What train? We're in the Bronx, my man. Hundred and Sixty First Street. -Hundred and Sixty First Street? That's Yankee Stadium. Hell, yes, Yankee Stadium. Bombers are playing a double-header against the Red Sox. -Hell, yes, Yankee Stadium. Bombers are playing a double-header against the Red Sox. Red Sox... Who's on the mound? -Red Sox... Who's on the mound? I don't know. Who do you want? -I don't know. Who do you want? Allie Reynolds. He's my boy. -Allie Reynolds. He's my boy. Sure, it says Allie Reynolds right here in the program. He's warming up right now. Man, we're so close to the field I need cleats. How'd you get such good seats? -Sure, it says Allie Reynolds right here in the program. He's warming up right now. Man, we're so close to the field I need cleats. How'd you get such good seats? I know people. -I know people. They must be the right people. Whoa, there goes the hot dog man. Let's get a couple. Damn, that smells good. Nothing like a ballpark hot dog, huh? -They must be the right people. Whoa, there goes the hot dog man. Let's get a couple. Damn, that smells good. Nothing like a ballpark hot dog, huh? You get ketchup? -You get ketchup? Ketchup? Who eats ketchup on a hot dog? Mustard's what you want. -Ketchup? Who eats ketchup on a hot dog? Mustard's what you want. I can't eat it with mustard. -Give me back that hot dog. I'll eat it myself. What am I gonna eat? -What am I gonna eat? You can starve to death for all I care. Now shut up, the game's about to start. -You can starve to death for all I care. Now shut up, the game's about to start. Hey, man, is Babe Ruth in the lineup today? -Hey, man, is Babe Ruth in the lineup today? Of course, he's in the lineup. There he goes right there. Hey, Babe...! -What you're dealing with here is a complete lack of talent. I'm sick of watching Camp 12 win the championship. Every year they get to roast the victory pig and we get dick. This year I want that pig. -You want to hit? Yo, Claude. Give Can't Get Right a shot. Him? -Him? Can't be worse than any of these other fools. -Can't be worse than any of these other fools. All right, grab the bat. Let's see what you can do. -Judge must have money riding on the championship. Don't matter who Camp 12 puts on the mound. All I know is when this season's over Camp 8's gonna have pork chops. -It's amazing what Ray here can do with a couple of pounds of potato skins and some molasses. So, Blocker, what do you think of our boy? -What about us? Don't forget to mention us. We're like his handlers. He can't function without us. -God may have given it, but Claude Banks spotted it and nurtured it. Damn straight. I expect those Pittsburgh Crawdads to remember that. -Damn straight. I expect those Pittsburgh Crawdads to remember that. Crawfords. -Crawfords. Whatever. -It's a pardon from the governor. Let me see that. -Let it go, Claude. I'm not gonna let it go. The man needs to explain himself. Makin' promises. -You show them Crawfords how to play ball. Make 'em throw strikes. -One of the new kids said they're farming those acres just north of the swamp. He said he saw a crop duster flying around the place. I'm not in the mood right now, Ray. -I'm not in the mood right now, Ray. He said they keep it parked out behind the barn. Can't be that hard to fly a plane. Lots of people do it. -He said they keep it parked out behind the barn. Can't be that hard to fly a plane. Lots of people do it. They're called pilots! I'm serious, Ray. I'm not in the mood for one of your stupid, fucked-up plans right now. -They're called pilots! I'm serious, Ray. I'm not in the mood for one of your stupid, fucked-up plans right now. I don't see you coming up with any plans. -I don't see you coming up with any plans. My plan is on his way to Pittsburgh right now. That congenital idiot just got himself a pardon signed by the governor thanks to us, but we can't seem to do nothing for ourselves. Don't you feel a little disgusted right now? -My plan is on his way to Pittsburgh right now. That congenital idiot just got himself a pardon signed by the governor thanks to us, but we can't seem to do nothing for ourselves. Don't you feel a little disgusted right now? Crop duster. -Crop duster. I ain't getting in no airplane with you. I'm finally wrapping my mind around the concept. They threw us in this shithole for life. Don't you get it, Ray? We're gonna die here! Might as well head up to the cemetery, pick a plot and start digging. -My daddy died in prison. He gave up hope and hung himself. What you're talking about is the same damn thing. That ain't how I'm going. Maybe you're fooling yourself, Ray. Maybe you're just a chip off the old block. -Maybe you're fooling yourself, Ray. Maybe you're just a chip off the old block. Take that back or we ain't friends no more, Claude Banks. -Take that back or we ain't friends no more, Claude Banks. Here's a news flash, Ray. We never were friends. We've just been stuck together for 12 years. It's been nothing but bad luck since the moment I ran into you. Every time I look at you I get sick to my stomach thinking about what my life could have been if I'd never bumped into Ray Gibson. -Better watch yourself Claude, before you say something you regret. The only thing I regret is the day I met you. -The only thing I regret is the day I met you. Well, if that's the way it is... -Well, if that's the way it is... That's the way it is. -That's the way it is. Then I have nothing left to say to you. -You're a sucker. I'd have taken that deal. Excuse me? Are you talking to me? -Excuse me? Are you talking to me? I'd have knocked you off those bottles, put a bullet in your ass and be half way to New York right now. -I'd have knocked you off those bottles, put a bullet in your ass and be half way to New York right now. After all these years of blissful silence, I almost forgot how annoying the sound of your voice can be. -After all these years of blissful silence, I almost forgot how annoying the sound of your voice can be. I hope you don't think I owe you anything. Because I don't owe you a damn thing. -I hope you don't think I owe you anything. Because I don't owe you a damn thing. I didn't do if for you, anyway. I just ain't no boot-licking trusty, that's all. -I was sorry to hear about your mama passing. That was five years ago. -That was five years ago. I know, but since we're talking, I thought I'd mention it. -I know, but since we're talking, I thought I'd mention it. We're not talking, you're talking, and doing too damn much of it, if you ask me. -What?! You sure looked funny running for those pies, bullets flying all around you. -You sure looked funny running for those pies, bullets flying all around you. Bullets weren't the problem. That pie was too hot. Burned my tongue. -You and Wilkins sure are getting chummy. You two planning on going steady, or something? He's just a lonely old man. He likes to talk. -He's just a lonely old man. He likes to talk. Hey, I'm a lonely old man. I like to talk, too. So why don't we start by talking about what kind of a plan you're working on? -Hey, I'm a lonely old man. I like to talk, too. So why don't we start by talking about what kind of a plan you're working on? I'm not working on a plan. -I'm not working on a plan. You can't fool me, Claude. I know you got something brewing. -You can't fool me, Claude. I know you got something brewing. Goodnight, Ray. -What the hell are you doing? Don't touch that car. -Wilkins' driver's got the flu, so he asked me to fill in for him. You haven't driven in 40 years, you ain't even got a license. Man's taking his life in his hands, putting you behind the wheel! Where you taking him? -You haven't driven in 40 years, you ain't even got a license. Man's taking his life in his hands, putting you behind the wheel! Where you taking him? Greenville. We're picking up the new Superintendent at the bus station. -Damn, it was getting hot in there. What the hell are you doing in that trunk?! -What the hell are you doing in that trunk?! You didn't think I was gonna let you escape alone, did you? -You didn't think I was gonna let you escape alone, did you? I ain't escaping! We're picking up the new super just like I told you. -I ain't escaping! We're picking up the new super just like I told you. Then you're lucky I came along. Doesn't take a visionary to spot a golden opportunity like this. Now help me out of this trunk. -Then you're lucky I came along. Doesn't take a visionary to spot a golden opportunity like this. Now help me out of this trunk. You ain't getting out of that trunk. -You ain't getting out of that trunk. Come on, man, I'm starting to cramp up here. We have the chance right here, right now, I say we go! -Come on, man, I'm starting to cramp up here. We have the chance right here, right now, I say we go! Go where, Ray? -Go where, Ray? Back to New York for starters. -Back to New York for starters. And what will we do when we get there? I'm sixty-five years old, Ray. So are you. What are we gonna do out here? Get married, have kids, settle down? That boat sailed without us, man. -And what will we do when we get there? I'm sixty-five years old, Ray. So are you. What are we gonna do out here? Get married, have kids, settle down? That boat sailed without us, man. This boat's gonna sail without you, too. I don't care if I last one day out here. At least it's one day of freedom. Now gimme those keys. -This boat's gonna sail without you, too. I don't care if I last one day out here. At least it's one day of freedom. Now gimme those keys. Forget about that. You run if you want to, but you're not taking this car. -Forget about that. You run if you want to, but you're not taking this car. Claude, man, I'm serious. Give me those keys. -Claude, man, I'm serious. Give me those keys. I ain't spending a month in the hole so you can take a joy ride. -I ain't spending a month in the hole so you can take a joy ride. Don't make me take them away from you. -Don't make me take them away from you. Hey, there's Wilkins! -You sure it was him? Some faces you just don't forget. Warren Pike's is one of 'em. -Some faces you just don't forget. Warren Pike's is one of 'em. I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. We shoulda taken that car when we had the opportunity. We'd be half way to New York by now. -I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. We shoulda taken that car when we had the opportunity. We'd be half way to New York by now. We'd be in the hole by now. Hey, man, you're peeing on my shoe. -We'd be in the hole by now. Hey, man, you're peeing on my shoe. I know. Simultaneously, they shake and zip. Claude bends down and picks up a bowl of gumbo, placing it on a tray next to an identical one. -Don't shoot, sir. I can deal with this. Ray, buddy, you don't want to shoot this white man. See, you do that, they'll kill you for sure. And it's not that I like you or anything, but I've kinda gotten used to having you around. He's got my daddy's watch, Claude. I always knew whoever took that watch killed Winston Hancock. And that was you, Mr. Pike. -No, I'm gonna kill him -- No, believe me, I'm gonna kill him! -I can't do it. That's because you're soft. Gimme the gun. -That's because you're soft. Gimme the gun. What'd you say? -What'd you say? I said you're soft. -I said you're soft. Don't call me soft, I hate it when you call me that. -Why don't he just tell 'em the truth? He knows nobody wants to hear the truth. -Nurse Humphries was checking my prostate this morning. I got an erection. An erection, huh? Haven't had one of those in a while. -An erection, huh? Haven't had one of those in a while. Tell me about it. Scared me at first. Then, before I could figure out what to do with it, it was gone. Imagine my disappointment. -Sure would like to see the house that Ruth built one more time. Well, Ruth shoulda built it a little better. Damn thing's falling to pieces. Gonna hurt somebody. -Well, Ruth shoulda built it a little better. Damn thing's falling to pieces. Gonna hurt somebody. What do you expect? It's almost as old as we are. -What do you expect? It's almost as old as we are. They oughta tear that shit down and ship them Yankees cross the river to Jersey. -They oughta tear that shit down and ship them Yankees cross the river to Jersey. Remember what that place looked like on a sunny spring day? More beautiful than any church I was ever in. -Over to the morgue and up the hill to the cemetery. Never thought I'd admit it, Claude, but you were right. 'Course I was right. About what? -'Course I was right. About what? You're the one who said that boneyard's the only way we're getting out of here. We're gonna join all the rest of 'em soon enough. Jangle Leg, Biscuit, Goldmouth, Poker Face, Cookie, Radio -- yes sir, pick a plot and start digging... -Are you trying to tell me after all this time you finally have a plan for busting out of here? Shh! Is that so hard to believe? -Shh! Is that so hard to believe? Don't tell me, I don't want to hear it. It's probably all fucked up, anyway. -Don't tell me, I don't want to hear it. It's probably all fucked up, anyway. You don't want to hear it, you don't want to hear it. There's no shame in that. -You don't want to hear it, you don't want to hear it. There's no shame in that. It's too late for plans. -It's too late for plans. Never thought I'd hear Ray Gibson say that. Hell with you then. You'd only slow me down anyway. -I can't eat this. Why the hell not? -Why the hell not? I saw that hot dog guy in the bathroom urinating. He didn't wash his hands. -Just put some mustard on it and eat it. You didn't get ketchup? -You didn't get ketchup? Gimme that damn thing. -Hell of a day for a ballgame, huh, Claude? Hell of a day, Ray. Yankees are on fire. -No, this ain't gonna work either. It's half chocolate, half vanilla. So? -So? They're touching. -If you don't eat that ice cream right now, I'm gonna strangle you until you are completely dead. Yeah? You and what army? -Yeah? You and what army? Next thing, you're gonna be complaining about the seats. -Next thing, you're gonna be complaining about the seats. Well, if you must know, they could be closer. -Well, if you must know, they could be closer. Damn, I shoulda let Spanky Johnson drown you in the river when I had the chance. -I know you're not talking to me... I'm sorry, he's on medication... -How you doin'? I'm all right. -I'm all right. You ever done time before? -You ever done time before? You kidding? I've been in and out of prison my entire life. Mostly in. I'm hard-core. -You kidding? I've been in and out of prison my entire life. Mostly in. I'm hard-core. Then you won't have no problem making the adjustment. You need anything, help of any kind, gimme a holler. Name's Jangle Leg. -Then you won't have no problem making the adjustment. You need anything, help of any kind, gimme a holler. Name's Jangle Leg. 'Preciate it. Claude. -Soft and supple. Like a lady's. I try to moisturize regularly. -What is that? Creamed chip beef on toast. Except we're outta beef, so I had to improvise. -Creamed chip beef on toast. Except we're outta beef, so I had to improvise. Can't I get one of those steaks you got grilling back there? -Can't I get one of those steaks you got grilling back there? Those are for trusties, unless you got thirty cents or two packs of cigs. -At least he didn't kill Santa Claus with his bare hands. You killed Santa Claus? -Alright, well, let's say you make it to Greenville. What's there, anyway? Grandma Dodi's Pork Rib Joint. -You got your own nightclub? Well, not yet. It's still in the planning stages. -Ray, my man, this steak is like butter! Made just for you, Cookie. -Made just for you, Cookie. How about some steak sauce? -How about some steak sauce? No problem. Oh, boy! -Why ain't his pick swinging? Why ain't that pick swinging? -Too hot, huh? Well, you tell that lazy jiggaboo the state of Mississippi ain't interested in his meteorological assessments. Listen up, jiggaboo! State of Mississippi ain't interested in your... in your... metropolitan assets! -Listen up, jiggaboo! State of Mississippi ain't interested in your... in your... metropolitan assets! Tell him the state of Mississippi is only interested in getting this ditch cleared by sundown. -Tell him the state of Mississippi is only interested in getting this ditch cleared by sundown. State of Mississippi wants this ditch cleared by sundown. You got that?! -He's from New York City. That one, too. New York. That's up north, ain't it? They'll find we do things different down here. -Looks like we got a couple of live ones. How long these boys in for? Judge gave 'em the long ride. -Judge gave 'em the long ride. Life, huh? They step outta line again, we'll shorten up that sentence real fast. -We lost yesterday on accounta the rain. That means we gotta make up for it today, so put your backs to it. You heard the boss! Let's move! -All in, boss! Move it out. -Move it out. Movin' it out, boss. -We don't need no fences at Camp 8, boss. That's right. We don't need no fences, we have the gun line. It runs from shack to shack clear around the yard. You are now inside the gun line... -Alright, listen up! I want every man lined up out here in the yard on the double! Let's move it! You heard what the man said! Move it! -Maybe I oughta eat your corn bread. My corn bread? Oh no, my friend. I love corn bread. -So it don't exist. Just because it's in my mind, Goldmouth, don't mean it ain't real. Everything worth anything starts with a dream. -You mean Louis Armstrong? He's a good friend of mine. Drops by the club whenever he's in town. -That's right, fellas. Catch any cab heading uptown. All the drivers know Ray's Boom-Boom Room. Hey, Ray... -Where am I at, man? C'mon, Goldmouth, somebody's gotta watch the front door. -Hey, the dude's holdin'. Come on, old-timer, hook the brothers up. -Hell of a way to get out. Heard they burned up in that fire yesterday. I seen the bodies before they sealed 'em up. Them fellas sizzled up good. Looked like some shit from the X- Files. Damn, that shit's nasty. -So Ray and Claude got their pardons, right? No, they didn't get their pardons, you dumb shit! If they'd got their pardons way back then, we wouldn't be burying them today, would we? -No, they didn't get their pardons, you dumb shit! If they'd got their pardons way back then, we wouldn't be burying them today, would we? Oh, right. Well, why didn't they get those pardons? -That musta messed 'em up pretty bad. What happened to 'em after that, Willie? -Man, you really bummed me out. That's a terrible story. Nigger, you crying? Hell, no! I just got something in my eye. -What do you think about that? I think that old man lost his marbles about a hundred years ago. Come on, let's get this over with. -Why do I get the feeling when you say some time, you mean some time. I was already here a good many years when they came in in 1932. -I was already here a good many years when they came in in 1932. 1932? That's like, that's like... -1932? That's like, that's like... Sixty-five years ago. They always said the farm couldn't hold 'em forever. Looks like you're finally free, boys. -Ray's special recipe. He always had exacting standards where the hooch was concerned. What were they, bootleggers? -Old man Wilkins' never came out of that bathroom. Died right there on the crapper. Just like Elvis. -Just like Elvis. Of course nobody believed Ray and Claude. -It's alright for a man to cry once in awhile. Just don't make a habit of it. Hey, Willie, what was Claude's plan, anyway? -Hey, Willie, what was Claude's plan, anyway? Nothing to it, really. Claude figured they could steal a couple of bodies from the morgue. They got a couple of crackers working there don't know their asses from their elbows. Then they was gonna set fire to the infirmary and make it look like those bodies was them that got stuck inside. Claude figured during the commotion, it wouldn't be too hard to slip onto one of the fire trucks and hang tight until it rolled right on out of here in the morning. -Mama? Rayford! -What are you doing here, mama? I heard some things so I went to see Spanky Johnson. He told me what happened and gave me some money to get down here. What happened to your face? -I heard some things so I went to see Spanky Johnson. He told me what happened and gave me some money to get down here. What happened to your face? Don't worry about that. Hey, fellas, this here is my mama. These are some of my friends. That's Willie, there's Poker Face, Radio, Cookie, Goldmouth, Biscuit, Jangle Leg. -Rayford, I wanted so much more for you than this. Don't cry, mama. This place ain't so bad as it looks. Sure, we work hard, but there's plenty fresh air and sunshine... And you know something else, I've taken to going to church regular. They got services every Sunday right there in the mess hall. -Don't cry, mama. This place ain't so bad as it looks. Sure, we work hard, but there's plenty fresh air and sunshine... And you know something else, I've taken to going to church regular. They got services every Sunday right there in the mess hall. Don't you lie to me, Rayford. You still have your daddy's watch? Well, this is all I can give you. I wish it was more. -I can't take that, mama. Don't argue with me. You need it more than I do. I know how a little money can help in a place like this. -I can't believe this. I always said I'd never end up like this. I thought I'd make something of myself, do something with my life. You know, be successful. Have a big house, a family. Now I'm gonna end up just like daddy. Don't say that, Rayford. Don't ever say that. He gave up hope. That's where you gotta be different. -Don't say that, Rayford. Don't ever say that. He gave up hope. That's where you gotta be different. They gave me life, mama. -They gave me life, mama. I gave you life. And they can't take it away from you. Remember that. You'll get outta here someday. I believe that. You gotta believe it, too. -Is everyone here? Hey, where's Claude? I don't see Claude! -Hey, where's Claude? I don't see Claude! Stay calm, Ray. We'll find him. Claude! Has anyone seen Claude? -Stay calm, Ray. We'll find him. Claude! Has anyone seen Claude? He must still be in there. -Wait for the firemen! It'll be too late. -It'll be too late. You can't go in there, Ray! You'll never make it! -You can't go in there, Ray! You'll never make it! I'm going in for him. He'd do the same for me. -Lemonade? I prefer bourbon. -I prefer bourbon. I'm sorry, I don't keep any liquor in the house. -I'm sorry, I don't keep any liquor in the house. Well, fortunately, I carry my own. -Hunting's been pretty good on the farm the last few years. It's one of the perks of the job. If you're interested, tomorrow I could show you some of my favorite spots. You don't have to twist my arm. Say now, that gumbo has quite a kick. -You don't have to twist my arm. Say now, that gumbo has quite a kick. Thank you, Claude. That'll be all for tonight. -If you don't mind my saying, you seem mighty familiar with your house boy. I believe in treating the convicts with respect, if that's what you mean. -I believe in treating the convicts with respect, if that's what you mean. Respect? Well, isn't that progressive. -Respect? Well, isn't that progressive. If somebody deserves respect, Mr. Pike, they receive it from me, convict or no convict. -What's going on here? I'm afraid I'm gonna have to teach this uppity nigger a lesson in manners. -He's crazy. Don't listen to him, Wilkins. Do you realize what your saying, Gibson? -Is there any truth to what he's saying, Pike? What difference does it make? Natchez was better off without Winston Hancock! Who cares if a couple of no- account bootleggers went to jail for his killing? At least the state of Mississippi got 40 years of cheap labor out of the deal! -Besides, why bother with bootlegging when we got us a clear cut case of murder? Excuse me, sheriff. As we explained to your associate here, there's been a mistake. We didn't kill anybody. Now, as for the bootlegging, we happen to work for a very important man in New York. -Mr. Johnson is very well connected. If you were to let us go, I guarantee he would show you his appreciation, if you know what I mean. Are you offering me a bribe? -Are you offering me a bribe? I'm just trying to pay the toll on the road to justice. -I'm just trying to pay the toll on the road to justice. You may be able to buy your way out of trouble up in New York City, but down here we take murder seriously. -Yeah, it's getting late. I could sure use a bath. That's a real nice watch you got there, sir. Fancy old thing even plays a little tune. -That's a real nice watch you got there, sir. Fancy old thing even plays a little tune. Yeah, it's special. They don't make 'em like this anymore. -Yeah, it's special. They don't make 'em like this anymore. Sure don't. Mind if I ask where you got it? -Sure don't. Mind if I ask where you got it? Why, my wife gave it to me on our anniversary some years back. -Must have been some time ago. Maybe forty years? Something like that, yes. -Something like that, yes. She give you that scar, too? -I oughta shoot you for that comment, boy. Like you shot Winston Hancock? -I'm gonna work this man's brains out the back of his head. Shoot him, Wilkins! -That watch was the only thing my daddy ever gave me. It meant the world to me. Goddamn it, Wilkins, would you please just shoot the nigger! -Goddamn it, Wilkins, would you please just shoot the nigger! He shoots me, I swear I'll take you with me! I just want to hear you say it. -Apparently, your sister died. Jenny? -Jenny? No, it says Marleen here. -Appreciate it. Anybody else need anything read? -Hey, Ray, Goldmouth don't believe me. Ain't it so they got trains up in New York City that run under the streets? They're called subways. A nickel will take you from one end of Manhattan to the other. Helluva ride, too. -Who? Satchmo. -Couple years back, Cookie made it clear to Greenville. Greenville, that the nearest town? -Hey, Ray, you ever been to the Cotton Club? Sure I've been to the Cotton Club. It's pretty sweet. But it don't hold a candle to the Boom Boom Room. That's where the real action is. -Hey, Ray, what's the name of that nightclub of yours? You mean the Boom-Boom Room? -You mean the Boom-Boom Room? That's it. The Boom-Boom Room. Sure would like to see that place when you get it up and running. -That's it. The Boom-Boom Room. Sure would like to see that place when you get it up and running. You should have come by last night, Radio. You woulda had yourself some fun. -What's your name? Me? Willie Long. -Me? Willie Long. What are you in for, Willie? -What are you in for, Willie? That's a long story... -Goldmouth? They say he was born out back behind the shithouse. That's what they say. You all been here a long time. Doesn't anybody ever escape from this place? -You all been here a long time. Doesn't anybody ever escape from this place? They run but they never get too far. -What's the Boom Boom Room? That's my joint. The swinginest nightclub in town. -Last night? What are you talking about, Ray? I'm talking about old Satchmo nearly blew the roof off the joint. -Alright Willie, I think I got everything. I'll talk to Dillard, see if I can get up to the infirmary and check up on you. Make sure they're changing your diapers regular. They'll be sending you up there soon enough. And not just for a visit, neither. -They'll be sending you up there soon enough. And not just for a visit, neither. I slipped in a couple of bottles of my latest batch. Help wash down all them pills they'll be giving you. -How you doing? We're looking for Slim. You found him. -Man, that music is hot. What goes on down there, Slim? That's Natchez-under-the-Hill. -That's Natchez-under-the-Hill. Blacks welcome there? -Blacks welcome there? Green's the only color that matters under the hill. They got gambling, girls. You oughta check it out. -Green's the only color that matters under the hill. They got gambling, girls. You oughta check it out. Maybe we will. Nice meeting you. -You don't have to drown that fella, Spanky. You already scared him half to death. He didn't know who he was fucking with. But you do. What does that say about you, Ray? What does that say about me? I've given you a lot of leeway over the years on account of your father. But he didn't last long enough to teach you the meaning of the word respect so I guess I'm gonna have to school you myself. -But you do. What does that say about you, Ray? What does that say about me? I've given you a lot of leeway over the years on account of your father. But he didn't last long enough to teach you the meaning of the word respect so I guess I'm gonna have to school you myself. Come on, Spank, I'm just trying to get by here. You remember how it was when you were starting out. -What's that, some of your bathtub brew? Puerto Rican rum. See for yourself. -Where'd you get this? Comes up the Mississippi. I can get more. A lot more. I was thinking about going into business for myself, but under the circumstances, I'd be willing to take on a partner. -I'm interested. Keep talking. All I need is the front money and a truck. I could be back in two, three days tops if I had somebody to share the driving. -If you fuck me on this one, I'll spare no expense. Understood. -Understood. Alright, Ray, you've got a deal. Pick your man and get going. -I'll take the little choirboy, if you don't mind. If I was you, I'd want somebody who can handle himself in a tight spot. -If I was you, I'd want somebody who can handle himself in a tight spot. I just want somebody who won't put a bullet in my back once the truck is full. -ADRIAN! You shouldn't have come here. -You shouldn't have come here. Please, get out of my mind! -Adrian, you gotta come back to Hell. Dad's sick. He's sick? -He's sick? Yeah, he needs souls to live. When you guys left, you broke the gates. We gotta get the gates burning again before he dies. -He should have thought of that before he denied me my birthright. Well maybe you should go back and talk it over with him. -Well maybe you should go back and talk it over with him. How about this? I stay here enjoying my Schnapps and you go back. -Of course I can. Drink or she dies. Unlike you, she won't come back from where she's going. Let her go. -Let her go. I hear a train coming. Drink. -Welcome to the party. It's so nice to see all of you here. Hey, that's Dad's throne! How did Adrian get that? Is Dad okay? -Little Nicky. Adrian, I'm asking you nicely, in the name of all that is good: release my friends and get in the flask. -Adrian, I'm asking you nicely, in the name of all that is good: release my friends and get in the flask. Is this a joke? -Is this a joke? No. It's the inner light. And with it we can defeat anything you've got. -Now will you get in the flask? Absolutely not. -I knew it. He's finally retiring. I've been waiting on this day for ten thousand years. -You work your ass off for ten thousand years, hurting people, helping others hurt people, then you get a decision like that. And he's dead serious. -And he's dead serious. It's just such a slap in the face. -Um, excuse me, we're having a private conversation here. Yeah, get out of here! Beat it! -That's what I thought! Could you concentrate for five seconds? -Could you concentrate for five seconds? I am concentrating. Where can we rule? -I am concentrating. Where can we rule? What do you think about... Earth? -We could create our own hell there. You saying we go up there and kill everyone? -You saying we go up there and kill everyone? Eventually, Cassius. But first we corrupt as many as we can so that when we do destroy them... -Eventually, Cassius. But first we corrupt as many as we can so that when we do destroy them... ...their damned souls will be ours. -...their damned souls will be ours. It's our time, brother. -"""Let the sin begins"" -- that was a good one." Well, we must get people sinning if we want to fill up our New Hell. How are things going down at City Hall? -Well, we must get people sinning if we want to fill up our New Hell. How are things going down at City Hall? I lowered the drinking age to ten. -I lowered the drinking age to ten. Brilliant. This is so much fun. I never want it to end. -Brilliant. This is so much fun. I never want it to end. Why should it end? Who's gonna stop us? -Hello, Cassius. All right. Let me out. -All right. Let me out. You know, New Hell really only needs one new Satan. -You know, New Hell really only needs one new Satan. You mother... -Thank you, Nicky. Cause now I'm gonna bust Adrian's head wide open. I was going to let you out, eventually, Cassius. I swear. -No! Don't do it! -Ta-da. So what time is my brother expected back? Noon... -But what about the cash? Can we keep it or what? Sure, why not? -It is awfully hot down here. How do you manage to stay so cool? Weed lowers the body temperature. I read that... in, uh... er, science magazine. -And give you a good buzz. Or maybe it will trap me inside for all eternity. -Or maybe it will trap me inside for all eternity. Uh. No it won't? -Oh, Nicky, I've missed you. Come on out and say hello... Urr... uggg... errr... -Urr... uggg... errr... I'm calling you out, brother... -Keep it up and I just might make you my Queen for a night or two. You want a queen? Got one right here. -Oh. My. God. I can't believe you're here. Welcome. Can I just tell you, I am so excited right now. So excited. -I remember that night, you had like four daiquiris. Try four and a half. At first I totally didn't like him. -I'll call her later. You know, we saw you save your girlfriend's life. -All these good people have totally been led astray. Show him Central Park. -She goes to Parson's, right? I would totally love to go there. But I hear it's really hard to get in. -The home of eternal damnation, house of Hades, H.E. double toothpicks... Maybe try the opposite of that. -Okay, can I just ask you something? What do you know about your mom? My brothers told me my mother was a mountain goat. Which would explain my chronic halitosis. -My brothers told me my mother was a mountain goat. Which would explain my chronic halitosis. A mountain goat? That's really sweet. -A mountain goat? That's really sweet. My mom wasn't a goat? -My mom wasn't a goat? Try an angel. -Try an angel. An angel? -An angel? Unh-huh. Which would make you half angel. -Wow. What... what did she look like? Well, she was about six-three, only spoke Portuguese and had really long grey hair. -How come you're not older? Angels don't get any older, son. -Where did you meet my father? It was a long time ago, at some Heaven and Hell mixer. -"Hello... yes, he's here with me now... I don't know if he's hot, he's my son, you perv! I'll call you back... Oh my God, I will call you back, goodbye. That was my friend, Michelle, she says ""hi.""" "Well tell her I said ""hi"" back." -How did you see me? We can see what's going on anywhere on Earth. Look. -Valerie's crying! She's so nice. -I gotta help her. I gotta help Dad. I gotta help everybody. Yeah, you do... -But how can I win? Adrian is stronger and smarter than me. Stronger, yes. Smarter, definitely. But you have something he doesn't have. -Stronger, yes. Smarter, definitely. But you have something he doesn't have. A speech impediment? -What is it? I'm not a hundred percent on that. God said when the time comes, you'll know what to do. -Well, nice meeting you, Jenna, Christa. Would it be okay if I called you Mommy? It would be so okay. -Well, Mommy, get me to the big apple cause I'm gonna rock that town like a hurricane. You're already there... -What's Nicky doing down there? Trying to capture his brother in a flask and preserve the balance of good and evil on Earth. -Did you just talk? No. -Where is he? He's late. He'll be here. Just keep your cool, kid. -They castrated him. He can't shoot arrows, he can't piss smoke. I can't screw. I can't screw. -Oh my God, he just opened his mouth and swallowed that spit. That turn you on there, RuPaul? -My name's Beefy. I'm an old friend of your father's. He's asked me to help you out. I just need to find my brothers and be on my way, Beefy. -I just need to find my brothers and be on my way, Beefy. It's not gonna be easy. Your brothers can possess people. So they probably won't look like themselves. You have to be suspicious of everyone. -"Okay, ""bro,"" this jig is up... Just get in the bottle. Just slide right on in there." It's not me, moron. -It's not me, moron. Oh. Sorry. -Makin' friends already. It's freezing up here, Beefy. -It's freezing up here, Beefy. You're on Earth now, kid. Gonna have the same physical needs and limitations a human has. We'll stop by K-mart. Get you some warm clothes. -You're on Earth now, kid. Gonna have the same physical needs and limitations a human has. We'll stop by K-mart. Get you some warm clothes. I also have this odd pain in my mid section. Kind of a hollow feeling... -I also have this odd pain in my mid section. Kind of a hollow feeling... That pain is hunger. -So far, so good. Now what? Put it in your mouth. -Hey... Popeye's chicken is ass kickin'! It sure is. Now eat it up. You're gonna need your energy. -It sure is. Now eat it up. You're gonna need your energy. I got energy up the ying-ying. Let's get cracking! -From now on. I'm just going to avoid all moving metal objects. Great. Now your father gave me some deposit money for a nice pad on the Upper East Side. But I misplaced it. -You'll be alright. Go on. Big day tomorrow. Don't forget to do that sleep thing I told you about. Got ya. Is it okay if I do the sleep thing? -This is intense! And it happens every day? Sometimes twice? I gotta tip my hat to you people! Look, it's okay for me to shit the street. But you gotta use a toilet. -Look, it's okay for me to shit the street. But you gotta use a toilet. Okay, just point me in the right direction next time. -Okay, just point me in the right direction next time. Come on, there's like ten million people in this city and the clock is ticking. -Come on, there's like ten million people in this city and the clock is ticking. Well, let's rock and roll. -All that running and chasing is making the sleep thing want to come early. I think we have to work on narrowing down our list of suspects. Now I'm going to go check in with some of my contacts uptown. -Your brothers are upsetting the balance of good and evil. What can I do about it? -What can I do about it? You can't do jack shit... unless you learn your evil powers. -You can't do jack shit... unless you learn your evil powers. Nobody's as evil as my brothers. Those dudes put the wick in wicked. -Nobody's as evil as my brothers. Those dudes put the wick in wicked. Go get a soda out of the fridge. -Go get a soda out of the fridge. But those are my roommate's sodas... -But those are my roommate's sodas... """But those are my roommate's sodas..."" Does that sound like a statement the son of the devil would make?" -You have the power to change the cola in that can into any other liquid -- engine oil, bat's blood, moose piss. You just have to release the evil within you. Release the evil? -Release the evil? I'm just saying, there's wickedness in you... I can tell from your snores. -We had the greatest afternoon of my life until Adrian made me tell her she had a heart-shaped ass. Maybe you love her. But what do I know? I'm baked out of my mind. -I seem to be in trouble, Beefy. The shit has hit the fan, kid. Take a look. -I didn't murder anybody Look. You were really high. Things happen. -Look. You were really high. Things happen. I was with Valerie, I swear. This is Adrian's work. I've got to find him. -I was with Valerie, I swear. This is Adrian's work. I've got to find him. I think you're looking at him. -This is baloney! "He superimposed your head onto ""Scarface.""" -What's with all the whoo-whoo noises? Everything's fine, pop. -Everything's fine, pop. Last time you said that the renaissance happened. -Last time you said that the renaissance happened. Please, pop, just go back to your room. -Please, pop, just go back to your room. Can I take him with me and have sex with his head? -Can I take him with me and have sex with his head? Sure, pop. Whatever you want. -I'm sorry. After careful consideration, I regretfully have to decline. C'mon, man, I'm just asking for one Superbowl ring. -C'mon, man, I'm just asking for one Superbowl ring. In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're too nice of a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr. Marino. -In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're too nice of a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr. Marino. You did it for Namath. -You did it for Namath. Yeah, but Joe was coming here anyways. Just go back to Earth and enjoy your records and the Hall of Fame and the beautiful family and all that. -Yeah, but Joe was coming here anyways. Just go back to Earth and enjoy your records and the Hall of Fame and the beautiful family and all that. This is bullshit, man. I'm gonna win the Superbowl this year, with or without you! -This is bullshit, man. I'm gonna win the Superbowl this year, with or without you! Now you're talking. -Knock, knock. Yes, Jimmy. -No, no, that's not what I said. He can keep his thumbs, but the fingers gotta go. Oh, and don't forget, you're shoving a pineapple up Hitler's ass at four o'clock. -I got no ears! I can't hear! Now he's got no ears! You happy, Nicky? Your father's got no ears! -Check one-two. Check one-two. Put it back on my head. I'm falling apart here. -Put it back on my head. I'm falling apart here. He's got 'til midnight tonight, Nicky. You get your ass back up there. You save your father! -Nothing, Dad. Just re-arranging the furniture. Cassius, didn't I tell you to stay out of your brother's mind? -Now everybody sit down. Hey, Dad, I'm almost finished laying down my monsters of metal compilation tape. I really think it's a masterpiece. -Hey, Dad, I'm almost finished laying down my monsters of metal compilation tape. I really think it's a masterpiece. Okay, kid, we'll listen to it later. -This was a very difficult decision, because I have three wonderful sons. I mean, Adrian, so smart, so ruthless. And Cassius, so strong, so tough. And Nicky, so... so... Don't worry about coming up with anything. It's cool. -Don't worry about coming up with anything. It's cool. Such a sweet boy. But after much thought and careful consideration, I've decided that the ruler for the next ten thousand years is going to have to be... me. -I mean... tough break. The important thing for the stability of our rule is to maintain the balance between good and evil. And I don't think any of you are ready for that responsibility yet. You need the wisdom that comes only with the passage of time. -"Now that was an experience. ""You are only coming through in waves."" That line blows my mind every time." Definitely. -Definitely. I don't care what kind of mood you're in at the start of that song. When it's over, that mood has been altered. Wow. Great shit. What's next? -I don't care what kind of mood you're in at the start of that song. When it's over, that mood has been altered. Wow. Great shit. What's next? Well, I thought that after messing with your head, I'd give you a little kick in the keester. -Who is this, Metal-lick-a? Metallica, Dad. Come on. -Metallica, Dad. Come on. I was just playing with you. -You're a good devil, Dad. And I also happen to be a Jets fan. -This is bad, Nicky. How bad? -How bad? I'm gonna die, Nicky. If the gates are broken, no new souls can get in, which means I'll start to deteriorate into nothing. -To do that Cassius and Adrian have to come back through the other way. So go get 'em, Dad! -So go get 'em, Dad! I'm too weak. The process has already begun. -Nicky, the worst thing that could happen on Earth is you get killed, in which case, boom, you end up back here. Are you telling me I have to go to Earth and kill my brothers? -No. This can't be happening. Son, just do your best. -That's a train, son. Don't stand in front of them. Well, I guess I'm going to have to take a mulligan on this one. -Well, I guess I'm going to have to take a mulligan on this one. Please, Nicky, get back up there. Try to hurry. -Dad, Adrian's got the whole city after me. He's always a step ahead. What am I gonna do? What are you gonna do? Look at me, Nicky! I got no legs, I got no hips, I got one ear... -Uh, I'll do my best, Dad. Do you have any advice at all for me? I can't hear you, Nicky. I can't hear anything! -You came through, Nicky. I came through for you, Mom and the butterflies, Dad. -I came through for you, Mom and the butterflies, Dad. You're back in Hell now, kid. There's no butterflies here. If you want butterflies, you need to be on Earth. -You're back in Hell now, kid. There's no butterflies here. If you want butterflies, you need to be on Earth. What about you and Grandpa and everyone in Hell? -What about you and Grandpa and everyone in Hell? Nicky, I let my butterflies die once upon a time and it's never stopped hurting. That's right, you heard me, Holly. I'm still in love with you. -Listen, I got down low. Your mom's got up high. You take care of the middle. I will, Dad. But in the words of Motley Crue, this will always be my... home sweet home... -I'm lucky to get away with just the head boobs, right? Coulda been much worse. -Coulda been much worse. That's what I'm thinkin'... -Hey. That's a pretty brassiere. -That's a pretty brassiere. Thanks. -Thanks. Could you maybe not tell anyone about this? -Could you maybe not tell anyone about this? You got it. Could you maybe not tell anyone about this? -You got it. Could you maybe not tell anyone about this? You got it. -Bus? Beast. -You know, I was the one who created Hell. I know, your wickedness. -I know, your wickedness. I started slow, though. For years, I was just giving people hot foots. Actually, you can give all the credit for Hell to my first wife; she was the inspiration. She was an ugly one, too. One day, she asked me if I wanted super sex. I said I'll take the soup. -You know what was in Hell when I came down here, Cassius? It's Stanley, sir. -It's Stanley, sir. Nothing. No mountains. No castles. Looked like a giant parking lot. It wasn't even called Hell. -Nothing. No mountains. No castles. Looked like a giant parking lot. It wasn't even called Hell. What was it called, sir. -What was it called, sir. Boogerland! -Boogerland! That's nice, Grandpa. Why don't you just enjoy the fishing? -That's nice, Grandpa. Why don't you just enjoy the fishing? I can't enjoy anything. I go fishing. I catch nothing. I go to orgies, I catch everything... -Hey... Your father wants to see you and your brothers in the throne room. -Your father wants to see you and your brothers in the throne room. Okay, but Jimmy, when the house is rockin', don't forget the knockin'! -Nothing's getting through that. The fire is solid as a rock. We gotta get this bad boy burning again. Ideas? -So go get 'em, Jimmy! I'm just a demon, Nicky. I don't got devil blood in me. I'd last two minutes up there with your brothers. -I'm just a demon, Nicky. I don't got devil blood in me. I'd last two minutes up there with your brothers. You're not saying it's up to me? -I've never been to Earth. I've never even slept over at some other dude's house! You're the spawn of Satan. You got it in you. -You were gone ten seconds. What happened? I got hit by a big light that was attached to a lot of metal. -No wonder your uncle's so weird... I gotta say this cake tastes a little funny. -I was in love one time but she said I wasn't financially reliable enough. And she needed that. By she, do you mean he? -By she, do you mean he? No. -Easy, Liberace. Oh, would you grow up. -His name is Andrew. I know that guy. Of course you do, Tommy Tune. -Sounds like our devil dance actually worked this time. 'Bout time... -There's our man. Mr. Sleepyhead must have some major ties to the dark side. -What's with that guy? Gotta be one of his disciples or something. -Yo, man, I think that devil guy just got ripped off. Should we wake him up? -Should we wake him up? Yeah. You do it. -Did you check out the dragon mouth? The Dark Prince is here. -Look who's back from the dead. Six, six, six, pick up sticks. -That's a big pass, Elton John. We're going to see Ozzy play at the Meadowlands, right now. Wanna come, Nicky? -You sure you're down with this? Little nervous. Wanna puke. -Looking for the chief. We know where to find Nicky. -Schnapps... Peppermint... alright. -This don't look good. Can't Beefy use his penis powers to get us out of this? -Which way did he go? That way. -What's Ozzy trying to say there? Absolutely nothing. The Blizzard always came straight with his messages. But wrap your minds around this one. -Come on. One more time. Not again, fellas. It kind of hurts. -No thanks. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to give Ozzy the focus he deserves. Whoa, that chick must be the real deal, then. Later on. -Whoa, that chick must be the real deal, then. Later on. See ya, fellas. -So I was driving to work today, and some bozo in a Cadillac cut me off... Oh, that's terrible, Reege... -Oh, that's terrible, Reege... So I followed him... -So I followed him... You followed him? -You followed him? I followed him all the way downtown, and when he gets out of the car, I reach under my seat and pull out an aluminum bat. -I followed him all the way downtown, and when he gets out of the car, I reach under my seat and pull out an aluminum bat. You keep a bat under your seat? -You keep a bat under your seat? Recently, yes! So I run up behind this guy, and start bashing his brains in with this bat, and it made me feel happy! Did you ever see THE UNTOUCHABLES? -Recently, yes! So I run up behind this guy, and start bashing his brains in with this bat, and it made me feel happy! Did you ever see THE UNTOUCHABLES? Yes, great movie... -Yes, great movie... I was DeNiro! -Please. You got to. All right... -I'm not Nicky. I'm not home! I don't live here! Dude, it's us. Let us in. -Good idea... kill me. Dude. Seriously? -Dude. Seriously? Yes. I'll meet you at Grand Central at noon. Okay. Do me. I command you. -You gotta kill yourself. I'll just go to Heaven. -Hello. You smell like coconuts. -You smell like coconuts. "It's ""Comptoir Sud Pacific."" Makes me feel like a hula girl. Which is kinda what I'm going for. Wanna come in?" -"It's ""Comptoir Sud Pacific."" Makes me feel like a hula girl. Which is kinda what I'm going for. Wanna come in?" No thanks. I'm looking for a girl named Valerie who also smells like coconuts. -No thanks. I'm looking for a girl named Valerie who also smells like coconuts. Valerie Doran? Two floors up, one window over. -Valerie Doran? Two floors up, one window over. Thanks, much. Good luck with the genital tucking. -Thanks, much. Good luck with the genital tucking. I don't need luck. I'm good. -Adrian? Andrew. -You got the wrong window again, man. Oh. Sorry, Andrew. Valerie? -That was amazing. Thanks so much. You didn't have to do that. That's okay. I get messed with all the time and when I saw him doing that to you I just lost it. I hate when people take advantage of tourists. It ruins it for the rest of us. -That's okay. I get messed with all the time and when I saw him doing that to you I just lost it. I hate when people take advantage of tourists. It ruins it for the rest of us. You think I'm a tourist? -You think I'm a tourist? I'm sorry. I just assumed. Your accent maybe. Where are you from? -I'm sorry. I just assumed. Your accent maybe. Where are you from? The South. -The South. Really? -Really? Yeah. Deep south. She laughs along with him, not sure why. -Yeah. Deep south. She laughs along with him, not sure why. Why are you laughing? -Why are you laughing? I don't know, but I like it. Say. Your glasses are nice. They make your eyes look sparkly and big. It's fun to look at them. -I don't know, but I like it. Say. Your glasses are nice. They make your eyes look sparkly and big. It's fun to look at them. My dad's an optometrist. -My dad's an optometrist. My dad's in hell, and he's falling apart. -My dad's in hell, and he's falling apart. I'm sorry. It's really tough when your parents get older. -I'm sorry. It's really tough when your parents get older. If I don't save him, I don't know what I'm gonna do. -If I don't save him, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Well, I'm sure a nice southern boy like you will figure something out. -Here, have a Popeye's. This drumstick ain't for beatin' it's for eatin'. That's alright. I already ate lunch. I actually wouldn't mind getting a Gelati. -That's alright. I already ate lunch. I actually wouldn't mind getting a Gelati. Could I come with you to getting a Gelati? -Could I come with you to getting a Gelati? If you want to. -If you want to. Want to? A million angry octopus people couldn't hold me back! -Want to? A million angry octopus people couldn't hold me back! """Octopus people?""" -"""Octopus people?""" Uh, it's a deep south expression. -It's freezing my hands. It's not that cold. Here, let me wrap it. -This town is really going to hell lately. So what part of the city do you live in? I have an apartment. I don't remember exactly where. My dog knows, though. -I have an apartment. I don't remember exactly where. My dog knows, though. You have a dog? What kind? -You have a dog? What kind? I'm not sure. I'd ask him, but he's uptown talking to his contacts. -I'd love to have a dog. But I go to school full time. It wouldn't be fair to the dog. School? -School? Parsons School of Design. I knew growing up I wasn't much to look at, so I put my energy into making things that are pretty. -Parsons School of Design. I knew growing up I wasn't much to look at, so I put my energy into making things that are pretty. What's that pleasant smell coming from, your skin? -What's that pleasant smell coming from, your skin? My perfume? -Valerie, it feels like there's a bunch of butterflies flapping around in my stomach. Is that normal? Sometimes, sure. -Sometimes, sure. Good. I was concerned. -So you're saying, make all pants with a drawstring, then heavier set gals don't have to feel humiliated by telling their waist size in front of the whole store? Basically, yeah. -Basically, yeah. Wow. Maybe you should make drawstring socks for gals with fat ankles. -You know what's nice about you? You just seem happy being yourself. You don't try to act cool. Thanks much. You know what's nice about you, Valerie? -Thanks much. You know what's nice about you, Valerie? What? -Your juicy, heart-shaped ass. What was that? -What was that? I... I don't know why I just said that. I meant to say that... -Hey. Nicky? Oh my God. Stay right there. -What were you thinking coming here? I'm not sure, but it didn't involve getting blinded with poison. -Valerie? Are you dead? -Are you dead? No. -No. What are you doing? -What are you doing? I think I'm floating. -I think I'm floating. Why would you be floating? -Why would you be floating? I don't know. Maybe it's because of your sweet voice. -I don't know. Maybe it's because of your sweet voice. Am I supposed to not be freaked out right now? Because I am. -Look, just because you're floating doesn't mean I'm gonna forget about you giving me the finger. That wasn't me. I was being possessed by my brother, Adrian. He's the one who call you a gross pig. -That wasn't me. I was being possessed by my brother, Adrian. He's the one who call you a gross pig. "What do you mean, ""possessed?""" -"What do you mean, ""possessed?""" Remember when I told you my Dad was in Hell? -Remember when I told you my Dad was in Hell? Yes... -Yes... Well, that's because he's the Devil. And he wants to keep his throne for another ten-thousand years. Which is fine with me, but not with my brothers, so they broke out of Hell, causing my dad... -Well, that's because he's the Devil. And he wants to keep his throne for another ten-thousand years. Which is fine with me, but not with my brothers, so they broke out of Hell, causing my dad... "...""The Devil?""..." -"...""The Devil?""..." ...to decompose. And I love my Dad very much. So I came to Earth to save him but then crazy eyes stole my flask and I met you and... well, my dog tells me I just might be in love with you. -You gotta believe me. You gotta believe in the butterflies. Okay, I do. Get back up here. -Can we go fly over Central Park? Next time. Tonight, I want to share the most beautiful thing I could possibly imagine. -We're going to Jersey? East Rutherford. -I never thought I'd ever see Ozzy live until he was dead. Please tell me you like metal. """Mister Crowley, what's inside of your head...""" -Don't do it. I have to, Valerie. -Nicky! That was Cassius! -Where'd a sweet Southern boy learn to fight like that? From my dad's side of the family. -Do me. I love you. -I love you. I love you. -Hello, friend, my name is Nicky. I understand you're seeking a roommate, as per your advertisement in the Village Voice. Would it be possible for me to fill the slot? Uh, don't you want to know what the rent is? -Yes. What is rent? Eight-hundred, split down the middle. Tuesdays and Thursdays I rehearse with my scene partner so the living room will be off limits. -Eight-hundred, split down the middle. Tuesdays and Thursdays I rehearse with my scene partner so the living room will be off limits. Off limits. -Off limits. Right. And as far as household items: we can share the soap, but we'll split the cost 60/40. Cause the person who physically goes out and buys the soap shouldn't have to pay as much as the other guy. Aren't you boiling in that outfit? -Right. And as far as household items: we can share the soap, but we'll split the cost 60/40. Cause the person who physically goes out and buys the soap shouldn't have to pay as much as the other guy. Aren't you boiling in that outfit? No. -No. It's like eighty degrees in this hallway. You from the South? -It's like eighty degrees in this hallway. You from the South? Yeah. The deep South. -Why is that funny? I don't know. -I don't know. And sorry, man, but no dogs allowed. -It looks like the work of a brother... A black guy? -A black guy? If it's Cassius, yes. -A little strange. I can't stop thinking about this girl, Valerie. Why? Did she hurt you? Do you miss her? Need a shoulder to cry on? -That just hurt a lot. I've always wanted to kill someone. Can I do it? -Hey... See something you like, my man? -See something you like, my man? Yes. I would like my flask back. -You callin' me a thief, my man? No, I'm just calling you... a guy who has my flask. -No, I'm just calling you... a guy who has my flask. "And if that is your so-called ""flask,"" how would I have it unless I was, in fact, a thief?" -"And if that is your so-called ""flask,"" how would I have it unless I was, in fact, a thief?" I don't know? -Okay, now you gone and done it. You done messed with my business bitch! Sir, I would prefer if you didn't raise your voice. It's making my muscles tighten. -I'm a Sandman! I cut up a Sandman yesterday. They said I'd never get him... but I cut him up good, I did. -I cut up a Sandman yesterday. They said I'd never get him... but I cut him up good, I did. I feel sorry for you, boy! -For me? Better feel sorry for yourself, Sandman! No, for you! How old are you, Billy? -Fourteen? Fifteen? Your days are running out. How long can you last? A year. Six months? What happens when you're sixteen and you go green? Nothing will happen! I make the rules as I go!! Cubs do what I say! Always have! Always will! I got Cathedral and I'll never let go! -Nothing will happen! I make the rules as I go!! Cubs do what I say! Always have! Always will! I got Cathedral and I'll never let go! No cubs over fifteen, Billy! Ever heard of a cub with a green flower? You'll leave Cathedral then, Billy, when you're on green, because they won't let a green stay here. If you try to stay the young ones will gut-rip you apart! -No cubs over fifteen, Billy! Ever heard of a cub with a green flower? You'll leave Cathedral then, Billy, when you're on green, because they won't let a green stay here. If you try to stay the young ones will gut-rip you apart! Shut up! Shut up your damn mouth! -Are you too startled? Am I too removed from your ken? I'm neither machine nor man... but a perfect fusion of the two... and better than either. No human sculptor could match this greatness... don't you agree? All right -- what are you? -All right -- what are you? Your turn. -We're hungry do you have anything to eat? Anything to eat? -How do you think we got here??!! You walked in. I saw you. Don't you remember? -Where do you think we came from? From? From? From? -From? From? From? We were sent here and you know it. Others have been sent here. Where are they? Hiding? -Hiding? Yes! Hiding, hiding. Where do we go?! Where do we go from here??!! -Is that the wind? Not yet... You must hear my birds sing. You know about Sanctuary! I know you do! You have to help us! You don't have a choice! It isn't your decision!! Tell us. -You know about Sanctuary! I know you do! You have to help us! You don't have a choice! It isn't your decision!! Tell us. Never a pair. I have never had a pair. -Never a pair. I have never had a pair. Where do you send them? -Where do you send them? You're a beautiful pair. -Answer the question! Do you know how long all this will last? Not thirty years... or thirty thousand years... but thirty thousand years... and you'll be part of it. Ages will roll... Ages. And you'll be here... the two of you... eternally frozen... frozen... beautiful. -Do you know how long all this will last? Not thirty years... or thirty thousand years... but thirty thousand years... and you'll be part of it. Ages will roll... Ages. And you'll be here... the two of you... eternally frozen... frozen... beautiful. There must be somebody else up here. I can't believe that he's -- -There must be somebody else up here. I can't believe that he's -- Let me sculpt you and I will show you where the others have gone. -Let me sculpt you and I will show you where the others have gone. That's better. How do you want us? -That's better. How do you want us? Nude. Imagine, a pair. -Nude. Imagine, a pair. It'll be all right... -How do you want us? Up there. -All right. Now you keep your bargain. Wait for the wind! Wait and hear the birds sing over you! -Wait for the wind! Wait and hear the birds sing over you! We're ready. -How did they get in here? Regular storage procedure... the same as the other food... The other food stopped coming and they started. -Regular storage procedure... the same as the other food... The other food stopped coming and they started. What other food? -What other food? Fish and plankton, sea greens and protein from the sea. It's all here -- ready -- fresh as harvest day. Fish and plankton, sea greens and protein from the sea... And then it stopped coming and they... ...came instead. So I store them here. I'm ready. And you're ready. It's my Job -- protein, plankton, grass from the sea. -It's a real privilege, Sandman. Thanks. I thought you'd be older. I expected a Red. -Thanks. I thought you'd be older. I expected a Red. I am. -I am. Your own work? -Your own work? And I did it myself right on there. -I designed it myself. What'll it be... a face job or a full-body job? Just the face. -Just the face. Fine... Holly will get you ready. You're in good hands, believe me. -Do you have anything special in mind? I don't care... Just get it over with. -I don't care... Just get it over with. Hurry... hurry... hurry. -You are here. I couldn't believe it when they told me. What are you doing? Turn this way. No, no... not you... YOU! -You should've seen me take my last Runner... perfect. I backed him up against a residence pool and when he terminated... his hand... So now you've seen him... what's the difference awake or asleep? Open your eyes once, idiot. It's not every day that a Sandman son is born. I'm telling you, Francis -- that's him! -Open your eyes once, idiot. It's not every day that a Sandman son is born. I'm telling you, Francis -- that's him! Maybe, maybe not. What's the difference? Come on, Logan, let's get out of here before everybody finds out. -Had enough? Even the alarm didn't wake him. -You need a lift. Let's go to Arcade and celebrate... your alert successor... Logan-6. Has anyone ever broken in to where the babies are? -Has anyone ever broken in to where the babies are? Not in my time... -Why? Just wondered... what happens? -Just wondered... what happens? Dunno... flameout maybe. Whatever happens, you can bet it's final. But who would want to find out? -"But you don't know, you just say what everyone says. ""One for one. One for one.""" Well, why not!? That's exactly how everything works. How else could the city stay in balance -- You have a better idea? -Well, why not!? That's exactly how everything works. How else could the city stay in balance -- You have a better idea? "No, but at least I wonder sometimes -- instead of doing that ""one for one"" song of yours. You sound like a sleepteacher with a stuck tape." -"No, but at least I wonder sometimes -- instead of doing that ""one for one"" song of yours. You sound like a sleepteacher with a stuck tape." Well the minute you get a better idea you can stop wondering. You know, Logan -- you wonder a lot. Too much for a Sandman. -Did you ever see Francis-8? I never even visited Nursery before tonight. When you wonder, it slows you up -- you know? -I don't know what makes you so curious. You have any idea who his seed-mother was? Of course not! I'm curious, not sick. -You missed something special. Well... you can't have them all. -The damned Yellows are getting out of hand. Those three ought to be in Cathedral. No business scrambling in Arcade... What an old, old man you're getting to be, Francis. Weren't you ever a Yellow? I bet you were even wilder than -- come on, Sandman. -You should have been with us in Nursery, Daniel. I'm positive I recognized him -- Come on. I don't want to miss the filing-in. There'll be some I know tonight, I think... -Now there's a few who could have been his seed-mother. Only a few? You're just not trying. -Who invited you? I'm in my party mood. -That was a great shot you made. Yes. But you look a little rusty to me -- what were you doing, wondering? -I just might look in on New You 483 myself. You? Why? You're already beautiful. -You? Why? You're already beautiful. No -- it's that last Runner -- someone in 483 was trying to help him. -What the hell took you so long? Did you ever see anybody renew? -Did you ever see anybody renew? I think you've been skulling out too much. First Nursery and now stupid questions. -I think you've been skulling out too much. First Nursery and now stupid questions. Did you? -Did you? Of course. -Of course. Anybody we know? -Anybody we know? Look... why don't you get into the water... you need it... more than I do. -Look... why don't you get into the water... you need it... more than I do. I'm fine... See you... -I'm fine... See you... At Carousel tonight? -What's going on, Logan?! It has nothing to do with you. -It has nothing to do with you. What are you talking about?! I saw you let a Runner go? I saw you, Logan?? Tell me!! -Why did you do that??!! I didn't do anything, Francis! They've made us believe that... -I didn't do anything, Francis! They've made us believe that... Why did you do that???!!! -It's him! The first Sandman. He killed... Doc. No, Holly -- wait! He's running. Tell them the rest! -No, Holly -- wait! He's running. Tell them the rest! He's the one. You too. I remember. He was in a hurry. Just a face job. Dark hair, I said. Then he killed Doc and you grabbed me -- and the machine blew up and I ran... I ran. -He's the one. You too. I remember. He was in a hurry. Just a face job. Dark hair, I said. Then he killed Doc and you grabbed me -- and the machine blew up and I ran... I ran. Holly. Holly! Please... The other Sandman. Remember the one who came after -- -That's right. The other one came after. The older one. Smashing, killing, burning! ...and he was hunting the first one, this one. Wasn't he? Wasn't he? This one was running, the other one was hunting him... -...and he was hunting the first one, this one. Wasn't he? Wasn't he? This one was running, the other one was hunting him... Yes. Oh yes. He was after you. I remember. You're running! -What's your name? I'm Mary 2. -I'm Mary 2. Where do you live, Mary? -Where do you live, Mary? Here. -Here. Why aren't you in Nursery? -Why aren't you in Nursery? I'm very smart. -I'm very smart. When do you go up? -When do you go up? I never go upstairs. You're a nice old lady. -What's wrong, Available? Please... No. -"Please... no? You mean ""not here"" -- that's it? You're a private Available but particular. Don't worry. There's no one here but me. And you." No. Just no. -No. Just no. You prefer women? -You prefer women? No. -No. Well then...? -Well then...? Nothing. I felt sad, I put myself on the circuit. It was a mistake. -Nothing. I felt sad, I put myself on the circuit. It was a mistake. Sad? What made you sad? -Sad? What made you sad? A friend of mine went on Carousel tonight. Now he's gone. -A friend of mine went on Carousel tonight. Now he's gone. Yes... probably he was renewed? -Yes... probably he was renewed? He was killed. -He was killed. Killed? Why do you use that word? -Killed? Why do you use that word? Isn't it right? Isn't that what you do? Kill. -Isn't it right? Isn't that what you do? Kill. I never 'killed' anybody in my life. Sandmen terminate Runners. Who brought you? -I never 'killed' anybody in my life. Sandmen terminate Runners. Who brought you? Nobody. I felt sad... I put myself on the circuit. -Nobody. I felt sad... I put myself on the circuit. You felt sad. What's your name? -You felt sad. What's your name? Jessica. -Jessica. You're beautiful. Let's have sex. -You're beautiful. Let's have sex. No. -No. Later. -Later. No. -No. But you put yourself on the circuit! -But you put yourself on the circuit! I thought I had to do something. -I thought I had to do something. And? -And? I changed my mind. -I changed my mind. And now? -And now? Curious. -Curious. About what? -About what? How a Sandman lives. -Let's have sex. I thought you were curious. Not about that. -Not about that. I'm listening. -I'm listening. I'm afraid to tell you. -I'm afraid to tell you. I'm not armed. Well? -I'm not armed. Well? Why is it wrong to run? -Why is it wrong to run? You shouldn't even think such things... And you picked a strange person to say them to -- -You shouldn't even think such things... And you picked a strange person to say them to -- I suppose. But what if you want to live? -I suppose. But what if you want to live? So? Do what everyone does. Try like hell for renewal. -But if you're one of the misfits... that's where I come in. I didn't say that I would run... I just... -I didn't say that I would run... I just... Are you a 5 or a 6? -Are you a 5 or a 6? Six. I go red next year. -Six. I go red next year. You're years away... I don't know why you're thinking of these things, much less talking about them. Want to try? -What Quad do you live in? K. -K. You're sure you don't want to try? -You could have called me yourself. But I wasn't sure you'd come. -But I wasn't sure you'd come. Here I am. Shall I come in? -I couldn't get you out of my mind. I'm the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, I suppose? -I'm the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, I suppose? Maybe... sure... -Maybe... sure... Thanks... but I have the choice. -Thanks... but I have the choice. Of course. -Of course. Then it's still no. -You can have any woman in the city. What do you really want? You know. -You know. I don't believe you. There has to be more. -I don't believe you. There has to be more. All right. -Why show me? I'm going to run. -I'm going to run. Why tell me? -Why tell me? You know something. -You know something. About running, dying what? -About running, dying what? Both... running's what I'm interested in. -Both... running's what I'm interested in. I know what everyone knows. Try like hell for Renewal. You have the same chance everyone else has. -I know what everyone knows. Try like hell for Renewal. You have the same chance everyone else has. It's different now. Help me. -It's different now. Help me. How can I? -Where did you get that? A Runner gave it to me. -A Runner gave it to me. And then you killed him, right? -And then you killed him, right? I let him go... believe me. -I let him go... believe me. I don't.. -I don't.. Speak to your friends for me, Jessica... please... -Speak to your friends for me, Jessica... please... Please? What friends? -Please? What friends? I don't have much time. -I don't have much time. I never heard of a Sandman running... ever... -I never heard of a Sandman running... ever... And I never heard of Sanctuary. -Are you here to help me? What do you need? -What're you going to do? That's tomorrow. -That's tomorrow. I wish I could help you. -I wish I could help you. Maybe you'll think of something... -Maybe you'll think of something... I wish I knew what you think I know. -If you did know, you'd tell me. Of course -- -Of course -- If you trusted me, you'd know. -If you trusted me, you'd know. We're coming to Arcade. Shall we Relive together? -A Runner... Cathedral. A woman. You're not going, are you? -You're not going, are you? Why not? Maybe she'll help me. You won't. You'd better stay here. -I'd rather be with you. That's nice. -They're like beasts. Wild. Maybe they're angry because they're grown in meccano-breeders. -Maybe they're angry because they're grown in meccano-breeders. Instead of what? Nine months inside a woman: We're all raised the same but most of us don't become cubs in Cathedral. -Instead of what? Nine months inside a woman: We're all raised the same but most of us don't become cubs in Cathedral. Some people say children need human mothering. -Some people say children need human mothering. Insane. Nurseries are better than any mother could be. -Insane. Nurseries are better than any mother could be. I'm only telling you what I've heard... Haven't you ever wondered what your seed-mother was Like...? -I'm only telling you what I've heard... Haven't you ever wondered what your seed-mother was Like...? Uh-uh. -Uh-uh. I have. -I have. When did you begin to question Lastday? -When did you begin to question Lastday? I don't remember exactly... except I was a Green. What would you like to relive, Logan? -I don't remember exactly... except I was a Green. What would you like to relive, Logan? Let's see -- how long has it been? -Just follow -- no matter how it seems... But what is this -- why? -But what is this -- why? The Cubs. When they're flying on muscle there's no way to catch up. Without the dazzle, they'd just go past us -- -- too fast -The Cubs. When they're flying on muscle there's no way to catch up. Without the dazzle, they'd just go past us -- -- too fast Muscle? I don't know that one. -I'm ashamed. I was bringing you to be killed. Where? Sanctuary? Can you take me there? -Where? Sanctuary? Can you take me there? Logan, I don't know where Sanctuary is. But if I take you to them, they'll kill you. -Logan, I don't know where Sanctuary is. But if I take you to them, they'll kill you. All right. But why? I didn't kill the Runner. -All right. But why? I didn't kill the Runner. Yes, but they won't know that... or care. They're hunting you, Logan. Maybe me too, now... -Yes, but they won't know that... or care. They're hunting you, Logan. Maybe me too, now... That's nothing... there's a Sandman behind us, too and there'll be more soon. Take me to them. -That's nothing... there's a Sandman behind us, too and there'll be more soon. Take me to them. I -- I can't. -I -- I can't. Then -- why don't you leave me -- go to them -- explain -Then -- why don't you leave me -- go to them -- explain No. Not that either. -Are you taking me to them? Yes. I don't know what else to do -- with him following us. Why do you keep running from your -- -Yes. I don't know what else to do -- with him following us. Why do you keep running from your -- Because he's my friend -- and I don't want to be killed by him -- or anyone. -Because he's my friend -- and I don't want to be killed by him -- or anyone. He's good, isn't he? -He's good, isn't he? Will he find us and kill us? Yes... or one of the others. You know there's only one place to go now... -Will he find us and kill us? Yes... or one of the others. You know there's only one place to go now... They won't believe us. -They won't believe us. I'd rather take my chances with them... than with Francis. -I'd rather take my chances with them... than with Francis. They won't listen. -They won't listen. You think Sandmen will? There's no other way for me, -You think Sandmen will? There's no other way for me, We'll convince them. -Exactly four steps now. Let me lead you. Now to the right. It's narrow here, you'll have to get behind me. How will they know we're coming? -How will they know we're coming? They're watching us now. They'll let us in when they're sure. -Will you take me with you? Why, Jessica? You're still a green. -How do we know this is the right way? It's the only way. -What do you suppose this was...? Some kind of breeding pens... I suppose... They say people used to breed animals, fish, anything... ...to eat, of course. -Some kind of breeding pens... I suppose... They say people used to breed animals, fish, anything... ...to eat, of course. Ycch. To kill things and then eat them. It must have been a savage world. -I'm afraid. It's brighter there... besides, we can't go back. -I don't know what's going to happen to us Logan but -- Are you glad you didn't kill him? It doesn't make any difference anymore. -It doesn't make any difference anymore. You're really one of us now, aren't you? -You're really one of us now, aren't you? You knew that I wasn't before, didn't you? Why did you stay with me? -You knew that I wasn't before, didn't you? Why did you stay with me? I wanted to... ...And you... what made you kill Sandmen? -I wanted to... ...And you... what made you kill Sandmen? I had to. I did kill... for the first time in my life I killed. -I had to. I did kill... for the first time in my life I killed. Because you felt like a Runner, didn't you. -Because you felt like a Runner, didn't you. I guess so... I know I felt something I never felt before... and I didn't like it... not a bit. I'll tell you one thing... Sanctuary better be worth it. That's the last place for me to live now. -I guess so... I know I felt something I never felt before... and I didn't like it... not a bit. I'll tell you one thing... Sanctuary better be worth it. That's the last place for me to live now. For us. -What's that? It feels like breath. It makes everything move. Your hair is moving. -It feels like breath. It makes everything move. Your hair is moving. And yours. -I hate outside! I hate it! We'll be all right... We will... -Don't! Sooner or later, we'll have to try something. -It's getting dark and cold. I'm tired. Why don't we rest here? We know we can eat these. -Do you think everything's going to turn to ice? I doubt it. -I doubt it. Don't ever let go. -Don't ever let go. I won't. -It all seemed to make sense until Box. Do you think he was telling the Truth? -Maybe we're the first ones to get through... Maybe Sanctuary is near, now... another protected place. It couldn't be outside. How would anyone know? Even if we find it -- we can never go back. -You're right... it must be near now. We'll find it. Thirty thousand years didn't last very long, did they? -What does it mean? The Lifeclocks have no power outside. -You can have any woman in the city. What do you really want? You know, Jessica. -You know, Jessica. ...But I still have the choice...? -...But I still have the choice...? Of course. -Of course. Then the answer's yes... -I have never seen a face like that before. It must be the look of great age. Whoever he was he was terribly old. Yes, do you think that's why he looks so sad? -They all have names and numbers on them. I wonder what they are? """Beloved Husband"". ""Beloved Wife"". What can all that mean?" -Look at his face... and his hair... Is that what it is to grow old? It could be... -That sweet madman -- how could he come to exist? He had a mother and father -- and he knew them. -He had a mother and father -- and he knew them. One in a million, I suppose -There's a Sanctuary... there is! You want there to be one... that doesn't... -You want there to be one... that doesn't... There has to be! I know it exists! It has to!! -There has to be! I know it exists! It has to!! "No, there doesn't. Not really -- just so many want it to exist... so many who don't want to die... want it so much that a place called Sanctuary becomes ""real"". But it doesn't exist. It never existed. Just the hope." -"No, there doesn't. Not really -- just so many want it to exist... so many who don't want to die... want it so much that a place called Sanctuary becomes ""real"". But it doesn't exist. It never existed. Just the hope." You're wrong!! It has to be!! It Just has to be!! -What are we promising him? What can we possibly give him? He asked if we would bury him when his time comes. -He asked if we would bury him when his time comes. We can't. We're going back. -We can't. We're going back. To what? -To what? I'm going to try and tell people what we've seen and -- -I'm going to try and tell people what we've seen and -- You're lying! You'll never have the chance to tell anybody anything! You'll be killed the moment you're seen! -You're lying! You'll never have the chance to tell anybody anything! You'll be killed the moment you're seen! Do you expect me to let things go on without trying to change them?! -Do you expect me to let things go on without trying to change them?! Things won't change... you know that! We can live here together, Logan... have a life as long as his... together! -Things won't change... you know that! We can live here together, Logan... have a life as long as his... together! Things change! -Things change! You want to go back to kill, is that it?! Now, you'll want to kill your own!!! Kill Sandmen!!! Killing's all you ever...!!! -Jessica... listen to me... listen to me... The Lifeclocks made me kill Francis. They make people die or be killed every day. If I didn't try and destroy that... I couldn't live here or anywhere. Do you understand? I want to be alive and with you, that's all I want. -"""Beloved son""... So people stayed together for that feeling of love... They would live and raise children together and be remembered. I think I feel that way, Logan. Can we be that way?" Yes. You and I, Jessica. -Yes. You and I, Jessica. And Sanctuary? -And Sanctuary? Sanctuary is the right to live... nothing more. But nothing less, either... -Beloved husband... Beloved wife... -What does that water do? It's part of the hydrogalvanic system. The ocean tides are changed into energy somehow. -It's part of the hydrogalvanic system. The ocean tides are changed into energy somehow. Is it inside the city? -Is it inside the city? Of course. I don't know where... I just took them for granted. It's our only chance. -Yes, cats, of course. What else could they be? Cats. Of course each one has his own name too. But there are so many of them. Do you know each one separately. -But there are so many of them. Do you know each one separately. "Yes indeed, everyone. Actually, they all have three. ""The naming of cats is a difficult matter. It isn't just one of your holiday games. You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter when I tell you a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES."" An ordinary name and a fancy name. That's two. Do you want to guess what the third one is?" -And... and how were you grown? Inside your mother? Yes... -Yes... Are you sure? -Are you sure? Mother and Father said so... you know? -What kind of jewel is this? I don't know. -I don't know. You're both full of secrets like Macavity. Did you steal this? -You're both full of secrets like Macavity. Did you steal this? No. -No. """Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity, There never was a cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.""" -What belongs to the people? All this. All of it. -All this. All of it. What people? -What people? I don't know... but it does. -We'll have to bury him. What's that? -What's that? They're put into the ground so they can be visited by the living... -I'll make the arrangements. At least it's over... -Of course... that's settled then. But just you remember your promise... We'll remember. But that's a long time off... -Come with us. Where are you going? -Goodbye. Oh, my... -Hello, Sandman. Hello. -Hello. Do you want to see Doc? -We don't get many Sandmen. I think we've only had one other since I've been here. A Sandman can get as sick of his face as anyone else. Where's the doctor? -A Sandman can get as sick of his face as anyone else. Where's the doctor? I like your face. Would you mind if Doc took a picture? I'd like him to give your face to somebody else. -I like your face. Would you mind if Doc took a picture? I'd like him to give your face to somebody else. It's all right with me. Is he here? -It's all right with me. Is he here? My name's Holly... Holly 13. In ancient times they said my number was unlucky. Do you believe in luck? -My name's Holly... Holly 13. In ancient times they said my number was unlucky. Do you believe in luck? No -- Look, I'm in a hurry. -How long have you been living here? For as long as I can remember. -For as long as I can remember. What kind of place is this? -What kind of place is this? Just a place, I suppose... who knows? -How did you get here? I have always been here... -I have always been here... Are there any other humans? -Are there any other humans? Gracious... no. -Gracious... no. Have any other people ever passed through? -But there may be a few around somewhere. What makes you think so? -What makes you think so? My parents thought so. Mother and Father. You know? -My parents thought so. Mother and Father. You know? Mother and -- ? You knew your mother and father? -Where are they? Dead... they're dead... and buried. -They're beautiful. May I have one too please? No -- I'm sorry. It's not possible. -No -- I'm sorry. It's not possible. "It isn't fair. I'll give you one of my favorite cats... a Jellicle cat. ""Jellicle cats have cheerful faces, Jellicle cats have bright black eyes; They like to practice their airs and graces And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise.""" -"It isn't fair. I'll give you one of my favorite cats... a Jellicle cat. ""Jellicle cats have cheerful faces, Jellicle cats have bright black eyes; They like to practice their airs and graces And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise.""" I'm sorry but I don't have anything to give you. -What's beyond this place -- do you know? No, no, no -No, no, no Did your Mother or Father ever mention another place? -Did your Mother or Father ever mention another place? Never, never, ever. Nothing. -May we stay here for a while? We'd like to rest. Of course you can stay. This belongs to the people. -Are you ready to put him in? Not yet. -Not yet. All right. -We're leaving. What a pity. I was hoping you'd be here to bury me. -To a city with thousands and thousands of people. Alive? -Thousands and thousands... as many as my cats? More... many more. -More... many more. And all alive you say? -Is that really it? It doesn't seem very far. Will we be there soon? I promise. We'll go on as soon as it's light. -That's better than gold when it's cold. "Thank you. Tell me -- what do those words mean? ""Beloved husband""... ""Beloved son""... ""Beloved wife""..." -"Thank you. Tell me -- what do those words mean? ""Beloved husband""... ""Beloved son""... ""Beloved wife""..." "My father was the husband and my mother was the wife. ""Beloved"" is a word they used -- to stay together." -"My father was the husband and my mother was the wife. ""Beloved"" is a word they used -- to stay together." Stay? They lived together all their years? -Stay? They lived together all their years? Oh, yes... I think... -I know... We're going to try and get in this way. I don't think you can make it. Oh... I did so look forward to seeing all those people. -Oh... I did so look forward to seeing all those people. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Yes... -Yes... Can you make it back? -Can you make it back? Oh my... I'll try. -Break-in scanners report intrusion, identify. Logan-5... Francis-7, authorized duty quadrant. Intrusion accidental. -Logan-5... Francis-7, authorized duty quadrant. Intrusion accidental. Clear Logan-5 and Francis-7. -I don't know who you are. I'd like to thank someone. It doesn't matter who we are. Follow the tunnel to the end. -It doesn't matter who we are. Follow the tunnel to the end. Will there be someone to tell us where to go from there...? -Someone will follow. When you come to the lock, he will tell you how to go on the other side. Jessica may go with you as far as the lock. No. Jessica goes back now. Take her back. Now! Go on back. Back outside, Jessica. -Well? How do you like it? I don't know. The cheeks maybe... look a little -- -I don't know. The cheeks maybe... look a little -- Cheeks? Cheeks? Right. Too much, you think? -Cheeks? Cheeks? Right. Too much, you think? Too little. -Too little. Too little? Too little. Okay, wait for me. -No -- just there -- on the first level. Don't look for us. We'll see you. You don't seem quite sure, Jessica. Can you do it? Will you? -You're not contagious are you? I don't think so. -I don't think so. Good... You up for a drive? -Good... You up for a drive? Where to? Hey, Lanie, I heard you were out of it for a while, too. -"Just goin' up'ta ""Tops""... Maybe the ""Ten Pin""." "Sheila'll be at ""Tops""." -"Sheila'll be at ""Tops""." Sure, what's wrong with that? -Sure, what's wrong with that? Okay. -"This rod is a fuckin', embarrassment, Carl. Whatiya burn in this thing, ""V""?" Texaco... What's wrong with that? -Texaco... What's wrong with that? Listen. -Listen. You gotta be kiddin'... This is the boulevard... You can't hear yourself think. -You want somethin'? No, I'm okay. -What's happenin'? They're comin' with us. -They're comin' with us. Pile in. -You okay, man? What? -What? You okay?... What's wrong? -Pete... You okay? Yeah. -I'm, okay... You okay? Sure, I'm okay. -Do you always sleep here?... In this room?... Both of you? This is our bedroom. -You're a musician? Yes, I thought my wife... -I like to remember things my own way. What do you mean by that? -What do you mean by that? How I remember them. Not necessarily the way they happened. -Why not? It kept going off for some reason. False alarms. -Why not? I forgot. Anyway, I hate the idea of acting paranoid. -Very strange. What is? -What is? The angle. The high angle shot on the tape. -Do you own a video camera? No. Fred hates them. -No. Maid? Relative? -Maid? Relative? No, one of us is always here to let the maid in. Nobody else has a key. -We'll see that the patrol of the house is doubled. I don't know if I want to stay here. I don't feel safe. -How'd the camera get so high like that? And smooth... Almost no movement - back and forth, I mean. -And smooth... Almost no movement - back and forth, I mean. Like you'd get if it was hand held. -Like you'd get if it was hand held. Right... This just glided along. -Might be a good time to try using it again. Anybody else have a key to the house. -We'll keep a watch on the house. As best we can. -As best we can. If anything else happens, you'll call us. -You don't remember being awakened? It looks like you were aware of someone. Or something. -Has anyone made any threats to either of you recently? Or not so recently? -Now we'll see what this son of a bitch is up to. Yeah. -You recognize that guy? Yeah... Laurent. -What a fuckin' job. His or ours? -His or ours? Ours, Ed. -We've got Pete Dayton's prints all over this place. You know what I think? -You know what I think? What's that, Ed? -What's that, Ed? There's no such thing as a bad coincidence. -I was here yesterday. Yeah, I remember. -Yeah, I remember. How would you like to take me to dinner? -How would you like to take me to dinner? I don't know. -I don't know. Okay, then, I'll take you to dinner. -Where's your phone? I have to call another taxi. Over there. -I want more. Me, too. -Me, too. Can I call you? -Can I call you? Yeah... Call me at home. I'll give you the number. -Yeah... Call me at home. I'll give you the number. Okay, baby. -Hello. It's me... -It's me... Hi. -Hi. I can't see you tonight. -I can't see you tonight. Okay... -Okay... I have to go somewhere with Mr. Eddy. -I have to go somewhere with Mr. Eddy. Sure. -Sure. I think he suspects something... We have to be careful... I miss you. -Pete? Me, too. -Me, too. I'll call you again. -Hello. Meet me at the Starlight Motel on Sycamore... I'll be there in twenty minutes. -Meet me at the Starlight Motel on Sycamore... I'll be there in twenty minutes. Okay. -He'll kill us. Are you positive he knows? -Are you positive he knows? I'm not positive... but... he knows. -I'm not positive... but... he knows. So what do we do? -So what do we do? I don't know. -I don't know. We should stop seeing each other. -We should stop seeing each other. No... no. -Have you partied with him? I used to. -You like it? No, honey... It was part of the deal. -No, honey... It was part of the deal. What deal? -What deal? He works for Mr. Eddy. -He works for Mr. Eddy. What's he do? -What's he do? He makes films for Mr. Eddy. -He makes films for Mr. Eddy. Pornos. -Pornos. Yeah. -Yeah. How'd you get in with these fuckin' people? -How'd you get in with these fuckin' people? Pete... Don't... -Pete... Don't... How'd it happen, Alice? -How'd it happen, Alice? It was a long time ago... I met someone at this place called Moke's... we became friends. He told me about a job... -It was a long time ago... I met someone at this place called Moke's... we became friends. He told me about a job... In pornos? -In pornos? No... A job... I didn't know what. He set up an appointment for me to see a man. -You liked it. If you want me to go away, I'll go away. -So, should I call Andy? Andy? -Andy? That's his name... Andy. Our ticket out of here. -That's his name... Andy. Our ticket out of here. Yeah. Call him. -I'll set it up for tomorrow night. You'll meet me at his place at eleven o'clock... Don't drive there... Take a bus... Make sure no one follows you... His address is easy to remember... It's 2224 Deep Dell Place... It's a white stucco job on the south side of the street... I'll be upstairs with Andy... The back door will be open... That leads into the kitchen - go through the kitchen to the living room - there's a bar there... At eleven fifteen, I'll ask Andy to fix me a drink... When he does, you can crack him in the head... Okay? Okay... -Okay... Lemme call him now. Make sure he's not already busy tomorrow night. -Lemme call him now. Make sure he's not already busy tomorrow night. Okay. -Set. Why are ya goin' so early? -Why are ya goin' so early? 'Cause that's how long it's gonna take, baby. -'Cause that's how long it's gonna take, baby. What if Andy tips off Mr. Eddy? -What if Andy tips off Mr. Eddy? Are you kidding?... I've got so much on Andy, it isn't funny. -Are you kidding?... I've got so much on Andy, it isn't funny. What about tonight?... Whatiya gonna do about Mr. Eddy tonight? -What about tonight?... Whatiya gonna do about Mr. Eddy tonight? I'm not goin' home tonight... I'm goin' somewhere else... To a girlfriend's house. But, we still have a coupla things to take care of... -I'm not goin' home tonight... I'm goin' somewhere else... To a girlfriend's house. But, we still have a coupla things to take care of... Oh, yeah?... What else? -Are you my man? Yes. -Yes. Are you gonna be a man about this, Pete? -You got him. Alice, I... -You all right? We killed him. -We killed him. You killed him. -You killed him. Alice? -Alice... We gotta get the stuff and get out of here. -Where's the bathroom? Up the stairs - down the hall. -Look at all this shit... I know a fence... he'll give us money and get us passports in exchange for this and the car... We can go anywhere. Alice? -Andy, who is that guy? I don't know his name. He's a friend of Dick Laurent's, I think. -I don't know his name. He's a friend of Dick Laurent's, I think. Dick Laurent? -Dick Laurent? Yes, I believe so. -Yes, I believe so. But Dick Laurent is dead, isn't he? -But Dick Laurent is dead, isn't he? He is? I didn't think you knew Dick. How do you know he's dead? -I don't. I don't know him. Dick can't be dead. Who told you he was dead? -Wonderful!!... Wonderful to see you, Pete. How are you? Feeling good, Arnie. Ready to get to work. -Feeling good, Arnie. Ready to get to work. Wonderful, Pete. Really wonderful. Alotta people Pete... alotta people are gonna be very happy. -Mr. Smith has been waiting for you and Mrs. Trueworthy. Can you take care of Mr. Smith now? Sure. -Sure. Mr. Eddy's called every day... Can I call him to come in? -Mr. Eddy's called every day... Can I call him to come in? Sure, Arnie. Bring 'em on, I'm ready. -Better. "Arnie called this morning while you were sleepin'. They miss you pretty bad down at the garage. I told 'im you still had a ""fever""." -"Arnie called this morning while you were sleepin'. They miss you pretty bad down at the garage. I told 'im you still had a ""fever""." Okay. Thanks. -Okay. Thanks. Nice to know they can't seem to get along without ya. -Nice to know they can't seem to get along without ya. Yeah. -Yeah. You really don't remember the other night, do you? -You really don't remember the other night, do you? What night is that? -What night is that? The night before you showed up in the slammer... -Goin' out with these clowns for a while. Do ya good. -Hey. Sit down a minute. -Sit down a minute. What's up? -What's up? Sit down. -You don't look so good. I gotta headache... What's goin' on? -I gotta headache... What's goin' on? The police called us. -The police called us. Yeah? what did they want? -Yeah? what did they want? They wanted to know if we'd had a chance to find out what happened to you the other night. They wanted to know if you remembered anything. -They wanted to know if we'd had a chance to find out what happened to you the other night. They wanted to know if you remembered anything. But I don't remember anything. What did you tell 'em? -Sheila? Yes, there was a man with you... She brought you here... She didn't know what else to do. -Yes, there was a man with you... She brought you here... She didn't know what else to do. What is this? Why didn't you tell me? What?... I don't remember any of this. -Never saw him before in my life. Did you tell the police this? -Did you tell the police this? We're not saying anything about that night to the police. We should all forget that night. -We're not saying anything about that night to the police. We should all forget that night. What happened to me? -Please tell me. No. -A cell that was supposed to be occupied by an inmate named Fred Madison. The wife killer? -The wife killer? Yes. -His condition? What do you mean? His physical condition. -His physical condition. Same as always. Pete takes care of himself. -Have you made any charges against him? No. -No. Then he's coming home with his mother and me. -Then he's coming home with his mother and me. All right... but you see our predicament... Legally we can't hold him, but he may be able to help us... perhaps later. For now, he's free to leave. -Just rest easy, Pete. You're gonna be okay. Are you hungry, honey? I'll fix you something. -Where's Pete? Out in back. -Out in back. You talk to him? -You talk to him? No... Here he comes. -We saw you that night, Pete. You came home. Your friend Sheila brought you here. -Repeat that, Bill. Warden, it's not him. It was not Fred Madison in that cell. -Warden, it's not him. It was not Fred Madison in that cell. Of course, it's Madison!!! Who else could it be? -Of course, it's Madison!!! Who else could it be? I don't know. The guards say they've never seen him before. -I don't know. The guards say they've never seen him before. Where is he now? -Where is he now? He's in the infirmary, being examined. -He's in the infirmary, being examined. Did you ask him who he is? -Did you ask him who he is? He... He can't talk. it appears as if he can't talk, anyway. -He... He can't talk. it appears as if he can't talk, anyway. If he's not Madison, then where's Madison? -If he's not Madison, then where's Madison? I've got men searching the building and the grounds now. -How about Madison? Have we had even a hint of his whereabouts? Nothing, Marsh. Vanished. There's an APB out on him. His photo's been faxed nationwide. -One of the guards must have leaked it. What's the word on the street? -You just gonna let him go? We'll get a tail put on him. -Now, Mack, what's the situation? I'm not entirely certain, Captain. You'll have to see for yourself. -That's not Fred Madison? No, sir, it's not. -No, sir, it's not. Who is it? -Who is it? I couldn't say, sir... Captain Henderson? -I couldn't say, sir... Captain Henderson? Yeah, Mack? -Yeah, Mack? Captain... this is some spooky shit we got here. -I wouldn't know how. You say you haven't seen your son since the day before yesterday? -You say you haven't seen your son since the day before yesterday? When he went to work, right. -When he went to work, right. What about yesterday? -What about yesterday? He didn't come home. -I want to see him. Yes, and we need to talk to him... if we can. Mel, let's get Peter in here. -Pete, can you tell us now, anything about this? Pete, what happened to you? -No... I don't feel so good. I would like some aspirin. Coming up. -Do you remember? No... I don't. Why? -What's the matter? Nothin'. -We know that. Who was the man? -Who is it? He won't give his name. -What is this, Rogoff? I don't know yet. -Who is this man? He's just been fingerprinted, and I'll run these blood tests right away. We'll find out soon enough. -He's not Madison? Not even close. -I examined Madison last night, Marshall. He had a headache. A headache? -A headache? I did a routine once-over, and gave him a sleeping pill. I've never seen this man before. Neither have the guards. I don't think he's in the system. -WHAT DID YOU SAY? I... I didn't say anything... -I won't ever tailgate. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FUCKIN' CAR LENGTHS IT TAKES TO STOP A CAR AT 35 M.P.H.? -DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FUCKIN' CAR LENGTHS IT TAKES TO STOP A CAR AT 35 M.P.H.? No. -No. SIX FUCKIN' CAR LENGTHS... THAT'S ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIX FUCKIN' FEET, MISTER! YOU WERE FOLLOWING TEN FEET BEHIND ME... IF I'D HAD TO STOP SUDDENLY, YOU WOULD HAVE HIT ME. I WANT YOU TO GET A DRIVER'S MANUAL, AND I WANT YOU TO STUDY THAT MOTHERFUCKER... AND I WANT YOU TO OBEY THE GOD DAMN RULES. FIFTY FUCKIN' THOUSAND PEOPLE WERE KILLED ON THE ROAD LAST YEAR. CAUSE OF FUCKIN' ASSHOLES LIKE YOU. TELL ME YOU'RE GONNA GET A MANUAL. -SIX FUCKIN' CAR LENGTHS... THAT'S ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIX FUCKIN' FEET, MISTER! YOU WERE FOLLOWING TEN FEET BEHIND ME... IF I'D HAD TO STOP SUDDENLY, YOU WOULD HAVE HIT ME. I WANT YOU TO GET A DRIVER'S MANUAL, AND I WANT YOU TO STUDY THAT MOTHERFUCKER... AND I WANT YOU TO OBEY THE GOD DAMN RULES. FIFTY FUCKIN' THOUSAND PEOPLE WERE KILLED ON THE ROAD LAST YEAR. CAUSE OF FUCKIN' ASSHOLES LIKE YOU. TELL ME YOU'RE GONNA GET A MANUAL. I'll get a manual. and study it. -I'll get a manual. and study it. "FUCKIN' ""A""." -That's it. Let's have a look at the hallway outside the bedroom. -There's no other bedroom? No... There is, I mean, I use it as a practice room... it's soundproofed. -What's your axe? Tenor... Tenor saxophone. Do you... -Tenor... Tenor saxophone. Do you... Tone deaf. -Did you use the alarm system since we were here last? The first night... Not the last two. -Something wrong? My... My head. -My... My head. Headache, huh? Too much sun, I guess. You want to come in? Still got forty- five minutes outside if you want it. -Headache, huh? Too much sun, I guess. You want to come in? Still got forty- five minutes outside if you want it. No, no. I want to go in. -What's bothering you, Madison? The pain is getting worse. I need more aspirin. -The pain is getting worse. I need more aspirin. I can't give you anymore. I'll talk to the doctor. -What is it? Aspirin... fly head. I gotta have more aspirin. -Aspirin... fly head. I gotta have more aspirin. The doctor said not to give you anything. You can see him in the morning. -The doctor said not to give you anything. You can see him in the morning. But my head... -We've met before, haven't we? I don't think so. Where was it that you think we've met? -I don't think so. Where was it that you think we've met? At your house. Don't you remember? -At your house. Don't you remember? No, no I don't. Are you sure? -No, no I don't. Are you sure? Of course. In fact, I'm there right now. -Of course. In fact, I'm there right now. What do you mean? You're where right now? -What do you mean? You're where right now? At your house. -At your house. That's absurd. -Where's Alice? Alice who? -You don't mind that I'm not coming tonight? What are you going to do? -What are you going to do? I thought I'd stay home and read. -It's nice to know I can still make you laugh. I like to laugh, Fred. -I like to laugh, Fred. That's why I married you. -That's why I married you. Wake me up when you get home. -What's that? A videotape. -A videotape. Who's it from? -Who's it from? I don't know... There's no return address on the envelope... In fact, there's no address on it. -I don't know... There's no return address on the envelope... In fact, there's no address on it. Does it say anything on the tape? -Does it say anything on the tape? No, nothing. -It must be from a real estate agent. Maybe. -Good book, huh? Huh?... oh, yeah, it is. -Huh?... oh, yeah, it is. Same one you were reading the other night? -Same one you were reading the other night? What night? -What night? When you didn't come to the club. -When you didn't come to the club. Oh. Oh, yeah. No. This is a different one. -Oh. Oh, yeah. No. This is a different one. I called, you know. -I called, you know. Called? When? -Called? When? From the club. You didn't answer. -From the club. You didn't answer. I must have fallen asleep. I was asleep when you got home, wasn't I? -I must have fallen asleep. I was asleep when you got home, wasn't I? You were asleep when I got home, yes. -I had a dream about you last night... Yeah? -Yeah? You were in the house... calling my name... but I couldn't find you. -You're up early. That dog woke me. I lay there for a while, then decided to get up. -That dog woke me. I lay there for a while, then decided to get up. Who the hell owns that dog? -What's that? Another tape? Yes, I just found it on the step. -Don't you want to watch it? I guess so. -We've got to call the police. All right. -So? Two detectives are coming out. -We will. Thanks, guys. -What the hell is going on?! I wish I knew. -What was that?!!! What? -What? On the tape! There was something else on the tape. -No, I don't remember anything. it looks like I... but... I don't remember. Why would anyone do something like this? -Where would you feel safe? I don't know. Maybe a hotel. -I'll make sure the alarm is set from now on. But that doesn't solve the problem. Who is doing this? And why? -I thought you were getting me a drink? Just a minute. -Let's go home. But... -But... Now! We're leaving now! I didn't want to come here in the first place. -It was a long time ago... I met him at this place called Moke's... We... became friends... He told me about a job... What job? -What job? I don't remember... Anyway, Andy's okay... -I don't remember... Anyway, Andy's okay... He's got some fucked up friends. -I told you to stay in the car! Why? what is it? Why did you make me wait out here? -Why? what is it? Why did you make me wait out here? I thought there might be somebody inside. -I thought there might be somebody inside. Was there? -Was there? No... of course not. -Did you see that about the guy who chopped up his wife into a million pieces? How could I miss it? The TV won't quit with that stuff. -How could I miss it? The TV won't quit with that stuff. They're gonna cook him. -They're gonna cook him. Andy's from Utah. He says there you have a choice... You can die by hanging or by firing squad. -Andy's from Utah. He says there you have a choice... You can die by hanging or by firing squad. Which would you choose? -Andy would go for this, don't you think?... Firing squad, definitely. Do they aim for the head or for the heart? -Do they aim for the head or for the heart? The heart, I guess. -The heart, I guess. I wouldn't... The brain would know what's going on. Your heart would be ripped open trying to pump blood, blood pouring into the chest cavity. Savage pain, Marian. -What happened? Somebody givin' you trouble? No, it's nothin'... I'm all right. -No, it's nothin'... I'm all right. Because if anybody's givin' you trouble, Pete, I can take care of the problem... like that. -Because if anybody's givin' you trouble, Pete, I can take care of the problem... like that. No, no... It's okay, Mr. Eddy. -No, no... It's okay, Mr. Eddy. I mean it, Pete... Like THAT!! -I mean it, Pete... Like THAT!! Thanks, Mr. Eddy... whatiya need? Just the regular tune-up? -Thanks, Mr. Eddy... whatiya need? Just the regular tune-up? I want you to ride with me. Somethin' doesn't sound right. -I want you to ride with me. Somethin' doesn't sound right. Okay... Lemme clear it with... -Okay... Lemme clear it with... It's okay with Arnie... Come on, let's go. -Give that a try. All right! -Beautiful! Smooth as shit from a duck's ass. Let's take a ride. Whatever you say, Mr. Eddy. -Sorry about that, Pete, but tailgating is one thing I can't tolerate. I can see that. -I can see that. I'll bet you know how many car lengths it takes to stop at... say 45 m.p.h. -I'll bet you know how many car lengths it takes to stop at... say 45 m.p.h. Eight, nine car lengths. A hundred and sixty-two feet. -Eight, nine car lengths. A hundred and sixty-two feet. At sixty? -At sixty? Fifteen car lengths. About two hundred and seventy feet. -Fifteen car lengths. About two hundred and seventy feet. What'd I tell ya. -Thanks, Mr. Eddy. "No... Thank you!... I'll be bringin' the ""Caddy"" by tomorrow." -You like pornos? Pornos? -Pornos? Yeah. Give ya a boner. -Yeah. Give ya a boner. No thanks, Mr. Eddy. -Suit yourself, champ. Okay... Well, I'll see ya then. -Okay... Well, I'll see ya then. You will. -I'm leavin' the Caddy, like I told you. Think you'll get a chance to give her a once over today? Sure... Sure, Mr. Eddy. You gonna pick it up later, or tomorrow? -Sure... Sure, Mr. Eddy. You gonna pick it up later, or tomorrow? If you think you can finish it, I'll be back later today. -If you think you can finish it, I'll be back later today. It'll be ready. -It'll be ready. You're my man, Pete. -How ya doin', Pete? Okay. -Okay. I'm sure you noticed that girl that was with me the other day... Good lookin' blonde? She stayed in the car?... -Her name is Alice. You know I love that girl to death. If I ever found out somebody was makin' out with her, I'd take this... ...and shove it so far up his ass it would come out his mouth... Then you know what?... What? -What? I'd pull the trigger and shoot him right between the eyes. -Hello. Hey, Pete... How ya doin'? -Hey, Pete... How ya doin'? Who is this? -Who is this? You know who it is. -Mr. Eddy? Yeah... How ya doin', Pete? -Yeah... How ya doin', Pete? Okay. -Okay. You're doin, okay? That's good, Pete. -You're doin, okay? That's good, Pete. Look... It's late, Mr. Eddy... I ... -Look... It's late, Mr. Eddy... I ... I'm really glad you're doin' okay, Pete. -You sure you're doin' okay? Everything all right? Yeah. -Yeah. That's good, Pete. Hey... I want you to talk to a friend of mine. -I don't think so. Where was it that you think we've met? At your house. Don't you remember? -At your house. Don't you remember? No. No, I don't. -No. No, I don't. We just killed a couple of people... -We just killed a couple of people... What? -What's goin' on? Great question!! In the east... the far east... when a person is sentenced to death... they're sent to a place where they can't escape... never knowing when an executioner will step up behind them and fire a bullet into the back of their head... it could be days... weeks... or even years after the death sentence has been pronounced... This uncertainty adds an exquisite element of torture to the situation, don't you think? It's been a pleasure talking to you. -I missed you. Yeah?... -Yeah?... Yeah. -What are you guys doin'? "Guess we're goin' over to the ""Ten Pin""." -"Guess we're goin' over to the ""Ten Pin""." You want some company? -You want some company? Sure. -Why haven't you called me? Sorry... I... -What's happening to you? What happened to your face? I don't know. -I don't know. What do you mean?... You've been acting strange lately... Like the other night. -What do you mean?... You've been acting strange lately... Like the other night. What night? -What night? Last time I saw you. -Last time I saw you. I don't remember... What happened that night? -I don't remember... What happened that night? You sure weren't acting like the Pete Dayton I've always known. -You sure weren't acting like the Pete Dayton I've always known. Whatiya mean? -Whatiya mean? You were acting like a different person. -You still care about me? Sure. Sure I do. -What else about that night?... Did anything happen? You really don't remember? -You really don't remember? No... I told you. -No... I told you. It was weird... -It was weird... Whatiya mean, Sheila? -Whatiya mean, Sheila? I don't want to talk about it... -I don't want to talk about it... Sheila?! -Sheila?! No... I really don't want to talk about it. -What do you want? Nothin'... You want to go for a drive? -Nothin'... You want to go for a drive? I don't know. -I don't know. Come on... get in. -Why don't you like me? I do like you, Sheila. -Where'd you come from? I've been here. You were lookin, right at me. -I've been here. You were lookin, right at me. I was? -I was? Yeah. -I didn't know you cared. Come on. -Sheila, what is it?... What are you doin' here? You've been fucking somebody else haven't you? -You've been fucking somebody else haven't you? Sheila... -Sheila... You fuck me whenever you want... You don't call... Tell me who she is. -Hey... Sheila. What's the BITCH'S name?! -What's the BITCH'S name?! Look Sheila... I'm sorry... -Look Sheila... I'm sorry... YOU'RE SORRY!! -YOU'RE SORRY!! Go home, Sheila. -Sheila... Stop... FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU!! -Cable from Gainsford. Oh, read it! -Oh, read it! """Leaving today for London with Conway aboard S.S. Manchuria. Conway can tell nothing of his experiences. Is suffering from complete loss of memory. Signed, Gainsford.""" -All of it? Yes. Might as well - all of it. -Yes. Might as well - all of it. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. I'll dispatch a convoy to meet him. -Conway's gone again! Run out! Listen to this! From Gainsford. "Let me have it. ""Aboard the S.S. Manchuria. Last night Conway seemed to recover his memory. Kept talking about Shangri- La, telling a fantastic story about a place in Tibet. Insisted upon returning there at once. Locked him in room but he escaped us and jumped ship during night at Singapore. Am leaving ship myself to overtake him, as fearful of his condition. Wrote down details of Conway's story about Shangri-La which I am forwarding. Lord Gainsford.""" -Where's the girl? Miss Stone. She's remaining in her room. She isn't feeling very well. Now please go on without me. I eat very little. -Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with that meal! Thank you. -Not even a radio? It's always been a source of deep regret, but the mountains surrounding us have made reception almost impossible. -What about those men we met this morning? Yes. Those are our own people. They never venture beyond the point where you were met this morning. It is much too hazardous. -Two years!? Yes. -I beg your pardon, brother. What did you say you were hunting? Fossils. -Fossils. Fossils, huh? -Fossils, huh? I'm a paleontologist. -I'm a paleontologist. A what? -A what? A paleontologist. -A paleontologist. Oh, I see. -I have here a discovery that will startle the world. It's the vertebrae from the lumbar of a Megatherium,[4] found in Asia. Well, what do you know about that! -Well, what do you know about that! Found in Asia! -Found in Asia! Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. When I get home I shall probably be knighted for it. -When I get home I shall probably be knighted for it. Knighted! You don't say. Do you mind if I take a look at it? -Knighted! You don't say. Do you mind if I take a look at it? Not at all. -Sorry. This is the only thing I was able to save when those heathens surrounded me. -This is the only thing I was able to save when those heathens surrounded me. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. You see, from this vertebrae I shall be able to reconstruct the entire skeleton. -You see, from this vertebrae I shall be able to reconstruct the entire skeleton. Wait a minute, you expect to be knighted for finding that soupbone? -Wait a minute, you expect to be knighted for finding that soupbone? It was the vertebrae of a Megatherium - found in Asia. -It was the vertebrae of a Megatherium - found in Asia. Yeah, I remember. You said that before. -Yeah, I remember. You said that before. Sir Henry Derwent was knighted, and he never got beyond the mesozoic era. -Yes, it just shows— I don't know why I'm talking to you. I don't know you. Who are you? Okay, brother. -Okay, brother. Don't call me brother. -Don't call me brother. Okay, sister. No offense. No offense! -Good morning, Lovey. I beg your pardon. -I beg your pardon. I say, good morning, Lovey. -I say, good morning, Lovey. Good morning— -I didn't care for 'sister' last night, and I don't like 'Lovey' this morning. My name is Lovett - Alexander, P. I see. -I see. I see. -I see. Well, it's a good morning, anyway. -Well, it's a good morning, anyway. I'm never conversational before I coffee. -Wait a minute. Is it a good morning? Say, we're supposed to be traveling east, aren't we? Why, of course. Yes. -Why, of course. Yes. Well, it looks to me as if we're traveling west. -Well, it looks to me as if we're traveling west. That's ridiculous. -That's ridiculous. Is it? -Is it? It certainly is. -It certainly is. Look here— -Look here— Any child knows how to tell direction. Any child. I don't care where the child is - in the air, on the earth, or in the sea. If you face the rising sun, your right hand is the north, and your left hand is the south— -Any child knows how to tell direction. Any child. I don't care where the child is - in the air, on the earth, or in the sea. If you face the rising sun, your right hand is the north, and your left hand is the south— I always get it twisted because I'm left-handed. -I always get it twisted because I'm left-handed. Oh, really? -Oh, really? Yes. -Yes. Well, you just reverse it. Your left hand is— What difference does it make what 'hand' you are? The north is the north! -Well, you just reverse it. Your left hand is— What difference does it make what 'hand' you are? The north is the north! Uh-huh. All I know is - the sun rises in the east, and we're going away from it. -Uh-huh. All I know is - the sun rises in the east, and we're going away from it. Now you're irritating and absurd! -He might have lost his way. Of course. That's what I told them last night. You can't expect a man to sail around in the dark.[5] During this George has been looking around - he rises. -Yes. And who is he ? How'd he get there? Do you suppose we stopped someplace during the night and changed pilots? -Left us here to rot. That's what they've done. Heroes of the newspapers! All right, all right. Keep quiet. -Where are they? Do you see them? Yes! -Yes! Do you think they're cannibals? -Mr. Barnard, I do not like this place. I definitely do not like this place. Will you stop squawking! -Will you stop squawking! Look at me. Look at what they gave me to wear. -Look at me. Look at what they gave me to wear. You never looked better in your life. As soon as our clothes are cleaned, they're going to give them back to us, Lovey. -Something tells me this means food. Come on! I just feel as though I'm being made ready for the executioner. -Yeah? If this be execution, lead me to it. That's what they do with cattle just before the slaughter. Fatten them. -That's what they do with cattle just before the slaughter. Fatten them. Uh-huh. You're a scream, Lovey. -Uh-huh. You're a scream, Lovey. Please don't call me Lovey. -Some layout they got here. Did you get a load of the rooms? You couldn't do better at the Ritz. All the conveniences for the condemned, if you ask me. -Don't mind Lovey. He's got the misery. Mr. Conway, I don't like this place. I don't like it. It's too mysterious. -How about you Lovey? Come on. Let's you and I play a game of honeymoon bridge. I'm thinking. -I'm thinking. Thinking? What about some double solitaire? -Thinking? What about some double solitaire? As a matter of fact, I'm very good at double solitaire. -As a matter of fact, I'm very good at double solitaire. No kidding? -No kidding? Yes. -Yes. Then I'm your man. Come on, Toots. -And say, honey, you look a million per cent better. Wholesome, kind of - and clean. You take a tip from me, and don't you ever put that stuff on your face again. Why, it's like hiding behind a mask. Ha, ha - who are you to be talking about a mask? What do you mean? You've been wearing a mask ever since we met you. -Ha, ha - who are you to be talking about a mask? What do you mean? You've been wearing a mask ever since we met you. Have I? -Have I? It's very strange, you know. You've never told us anything about yourself. Who are you, anyway? Why don't you take your mask off for once! -Certainly not. Believe me, it's no fun. When you fellas picked me up at Baskul, they'd been on my tail for a year. -Believe me, it's no fun. When you fellas picked me up at Baskul, they'd been on my tail for a year. The police? -The police? Uh-huh. Did you ever hear of Chalmers Bryant? -That's too bad. I got a half million shares. My whole foundation! And now look at me! colossal nerve you have sitting there and talking about it so calmly - you, the swindler of thousands of people— -colossal nerve you have sitting there and talking about it so calmly - you, the swindler of thousands of people— You know, that's what makes the whole thing so funny. A guy like me starts out in life as a plumber - an ordinary, everyday, slew-footed plumber - and by the use of a little brains, mind you, he builds up a gigantic institution, employs thousands of people, becomes a great civic leader. And then the crash comes - and overnight he's the biggest crook the country ever had. -You know, that's what makes the whole thing so funny. A guy like me starts out in life as a plumber - an ordinary, everyday, slew-footed plumber - and by the use of a little brains, mind you, he builds up a gigantic institution, employs thousands of people, becomes a great civic leader. And then the crash comes - and overnight he's the biggest crook the country ever had. You are a thief, sir, and a swindler, and I, for one, will be only too glad to turn you over to the police when we get back. -Yes. Sounds like a stall to me. -I don't know why I associate with you, Mr. Barnard - or Mr. Chalmers Bryant - or Mr. Embezzler - or whatever your name may be. Just call me Barney. -Just call me Barney. Barney? Why should I? Never! We have nothing in common. Hmmpf, Barney! What effrontery! -Barney? Why should I? Never! We have nothing in common. Hmmpf, Barney! What effrontery! Okay, Lovey. -Okay, Lovey. And this trip to the valley. I can't imagine why I'd allow you to drag me down here. Why, we don't know anything about these people. We're not even armed! -And this trip to the valley. I can't imagine why I'd allow you to drag me down here. Why, we don't know anything about these people. We're not even armed! They're very nice people - except that they've got horns. -They're very nice people - except that they've got horns. Horns? -Yeah. You know. Horns? What kind of horns? -Hey Lovey, come here! Lovey, I asked for a glass of wine and look what I got. Come on, sit down. So that's where you are. I might of known it. No wonder you couldn't hear me. -So that's where you are. I might of known it. No wonder you couldn't hear me. You were asked to have a glass of wine. Sit down! -You were asked to have a glass of wine. Sit down! And be poisoned out here in the open? -And be poisoned out here in the open? Certainly not! -There you are! This doesn't obligate me in any way. -"—then the bears came right into the bedroom and the little baby bear said, ""Oh, somebody's been sleeping in my bed."" And then the mama bear said, ""Oh dear, somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"" And then the big papa bear, he roared, ""And somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"" Well, you have to admit the poor little bears were in a quandary!" I'm going to sleep in my bed. Come on, Lovey! -I'm going to sleep in my bed. Come on, Lovey! They were in a quandary, and— -They were in a quandary, and— Come on, Lovey. -Come on, Lovey. Why? Why 'come on' all the time? What's the matter? Are you going to be a fuss budget all your life? Here, drink it up! Aren't you having any fun? Where was I? -Why? Why 'come on' all the time? What's the matter? Are you going to be a fuss budget all your life? Here, drink it up! Aren't you having any fun? Where was I? In a quandary. -Oh my, isn't that pretty! What is it? Plumbing. Everything modern. I'm going to run pipes all through the village— -Charming chap. Nice puss to meet in a dark alley. -Well, that's that, I guess. Wonder what's happened to Fenner. -What are we going to do? Well, there's nothing we can do until the morning. -It's better than freezing to death down below, isn't it? I'll say. -That's what I say. What do you say to a rubber of bridge? I saw some cards in the other room. Not for me, thanks. No, I'm too weary. -Hey, hurry up, you slow-pokes - I'm starved! Please! Please! Do not wait for me! I eat so very little. -Yes. Unbosom yourself, Mr. Hyde.[11] All right, I will! I'll let my hair down! Why not? It can't make any real difference now. Hey Lovey, were you ever chased by the police? -Chalmers Bryant! Bryant's Utilities - that's me. -Yeah. I though you ran this joint. Mr. Chang - High Lamas or Low Lamas, do we get the porters? -You see? You get the idea? From this reservoir here I can pipe in the whole works. Oh, I'm going to get a great kick out of this. Of course it's just to keep my hand in, but with the equipment we have here, I can put a plumbing system in for the whole village down there. Can rig it up in no time. Do you realize those poor people are still going to the well for water? It's unbelievable. -It's unbelievable. Think of it! In times like these. -Think of it! In times like these. Say, what about that gold deal? -Say, what about that gold deal? Huh? -Huh? Gold. You were going to— -Gold. You were going to— Oh - that! That can wait. Nobody's going to run off with it. Say, I've got to get busy. I want to show this whole layout to Chang. So long. Don't you take any wooden nickels. -Oh - that! That can wait. Nobody's going to run off with it. Say, I've got to get busy. I want to show this whole layout to Chang. So long. Don't you take any wooden nickels. All right. -I say, will you have a cigarette? No. -No. Say, you're an American, aren't you? -Say, you're an American, aren't you? Say, listen - will you go and annoy the rest of your playmates? Let me alone! -Hey, what's happened to you? Nothing. Why? -Nothing. Why? Why, you look beautiful. -Look, honey. We run the pipes through here, and we connect with the main water line here. Pipes? Where are you going to get pipes? -Pipes? Where are you going to get pipes? Oh, that's a cinch. I'll show them how to cast pipes out of clay. -If you want me to! Sure - sure. Don't you worry. I'll take care of you. -Cave, eh? Where? Over by that hill. -Hey - look! Look, Bob! -There you are! Barnard, you'd better get your things together. We're leaving. Leaving? -Leaving? Yes. I've just been talking with the porters. They're going to take us. We've got clothing, food, everything. Come on! -Yes. I've just been talking with the porters. They're going to take us. We've got clothing, food, everything. Come on! When are you going to start? -When are you going to start? Right this very minute! The porters are waiting for us on the plateau. And that Chinaman thought he could stop me. Come along. -Right this very minute! The porters are waiting for us on the plateau. And that Chinaman thought he could stop me. Come along. I think I'll stick around. I'll leave with the porters on their next trip. -I think I'll stick around. I'll leave with the porters on their next trip. You mean you don't want to go? -You mean you don't want to go? Well - I'm— -Well - I'm— I see. You're afraid of going to jail, eh? -I see. You're afraid of going to jail, eh? Well, no. You see, I got this plumbing business— -Well, no. You see, I got this plumbing business— All right! If you insist on being an idiot, I'm not going to waste time coaxing you. How about you? -All right! If you insist on being an idiot, I'm not going to waste time coaxing you. How about you? Oh, no - you don't want to go yet, honey. She'll stick around too. Is that right? -And mine's Conway. How do you do? -How do you do? You've no idea, sir, how unexpected and very welcome you are. My friends and I - and the lady in the plane - left Baskul night before last for Shanghai, but we suddenly found ourselves traveling in the opposite direction— -Where is your mad pilot? He must have had a heart attack, or perhaps the fumes. When the plane landed he was dead. -You will need suitable clothes for the journey. It is not particularly far, but quite difficult. Thank you. -And the wine - excellent. I'm glad you like it. It's made right here in the valley. -It's three thousand feet, practically straight down to the floor of the valley. The Valley of the Blue Moon, as we call it. There are over two thousand people in the Valley besides those here in Shangri-La. Who and what is Shangri-La? You? -Who and what is Shangri-La? You? Goodness, no! -Goodness, no! So there are others? -So there are others? Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. Who, for instance? -Who, for instance? In time you will meet them all. -For a man who talks a great deal, it's amazing how unenlightening you can be. There are some things, my dear Conway, I deeply regret I may not discuss. -There are some things, my dear Conway, I deeply regret I may not discuss. You know, that's the fourth time you've said that today. You should have a record made of it. -You know, that's the fourth time you've said that today. You should have a record made of it. Shall we go inside? I should so like to show you some of our rare treasures. -By the way, what religion do you follow here? We follow many. -To put it simply, I should say that our general belief was in moderation. We preach the virtue of avoiding excesses of every kind, even including— —the excess of virtue itself. That's intelligent. -That's intelligent. We find, in the Valley, it makes for better happiness among the natives. We rule with moderate strictness and in return we are satisfied with moderate obedience. As a result, our people are moderately honest and moderately chaste and somewhat more than moderately happy. -We find, in the Valley, it makes for better happiness among the natives. We rule with moderate strictness and in return we are satisfied with moderate obedience. As a result, our people are moderately honest and moderately chaste and somewhat more than moderately happy. How about law and order? You have no soldiers or police? -How about law and order? You have no soldiers or police? Oh, good heavens, no! -Oh, good heavens, no! How do you deal with incorrigibles? Criminals? -How do you deal with incorrigibles? Criminals? Why, we have no crime here. What makes a criminal? Lack, usually. Avariciousness, envy, the desire to possess something owned by another. There can be no crime where there is a sufficiency of everything. -Why, we have no crime here. What makes a criminal? Lack, usually. Avariciousness, envy, the desire to possess something owned by another. There can be no crime where there is a sufficiency of everything. You have no disputes over women? -You have no disputes over women? Only very rarely. You see, it would not be considered good manners to take a woman that another man wanted. -Only very rarely. You see, it would not be considered good manners to take a woman that another man wanted. Suppose somebody wanted her so badly that he didn't give a hang if it was good manners or not? -Suppose somebody wanted her so badly that he didn't give a hang if it was good manners or not? Well, in that event, it would be good manners on the part of the other man to let him have her. -Well, in that event, it would be good manners on the part of the other man to let him have her. That's very convenient. I think I'd like that. -That's very convenient. I think I'd like that. You'd be surprised, my dear Conway, how a little courtesy all around helps to smooth out the most complicated problems. -But Mr. Chang, all these things - books, instruments, sculpture - do you mean to say they were all brought in over those mountains by porters? They were. -They were. Well, it must have taken– -Well, it must have taken– Centuries. -Centuries. Centuries! Where did you get the money to pay for all those treasures? -Centuries! Where did you get the money to pay for all those treasures? Of course we have no money as you know it. We do not buy or sell or seek personal fortunes because, well, because there is no uncertain future here for which to accumulate it. -That would suit me perfectly. I'm always broke. How did you pay for them? Our Valley is very rich in a metal called gold, which fortunately for us is valued very highly in the outside world. So we merely . . . -Our Valley is very rich in a metal called gold, which fortunately for us is valued very highly in the outside world. So we merely . . . —buy and sell? -—buy and sell? Buy and - sell? No, no, pardon me, exchange . -Buy and - sell? No, no, pardon me, exchange . I see. Gold for ideas. You know Mr. Chang, there's something so simple and naive about all of this that I suspect there has been a shrewd, guiding intelligence somewhere. Whose idea was it? How did it all start? -I see. Gold for ideas. You know Mr. Chang, there's something so simple and naive about all of this that I suspect there has been a shrewd, guiding intelligence somewhere. Whose idea was it? How did it all start? That, my dear Conway, is the story of a remarkable man. -That, my dear Conway, is the story of a remarkable man. Who? -Who? A Belgian priest by the name of Father Perrault, the first European to find this place, and a very great man indeed. He is responsible for everything you see here. He built Shangri-La, taught our natives, and began our collection of art. In fact, Shangri-La is Father Perrault. -A Belgian priest by the name of Father Perrault, the first European to find this place, and a very great man indeed. He is responsible for everything you see here. He built Shangri-La, taught our natives, and began our collection of art. In fact, Shangri-La is Father Perrault. When was all this? -When was all this? Oh, let me see - way back in 1713, I think it was, that Father Perrault stumbled into the Valley, half frozen to death. It was typical of the man that, one leg being frozen, and of course there being no doctors here, he amputated the leg himself. -Oh, let me see - way back in 1713, I think it was, that Father Perrault stumbled into the Valley, half frozen to death. It was typical of the man that, one leg being frozen, and of course there being no doctors here, he amputated the leg himself. He amputated his own leg? -He amputated his own leg? Yes. Oddly enough, later, when he had learned to understand their language, the natives told him he could have saved his leg. It would have healed without amputation. -Yes. Oddly enough, later, when he had learned to understand their language, the natives told him he could have saved his leg. It would have healed without amputation. Well, they didn't actually mean that. -Well, they didn't actually mean that. Yes, yes. They were very sincere about it too. You see, a perfect body in perfect health is the rule here. They've never known anything different. So what was true for them they thought would naturally be true for anyone else living here. -Yes, yes. They were very sincere about it too. You see, a perfect body in perfect health is the rule here. They've never known anything different. So what was true for them they thought would naturally be true for anyone else living here. Well, is it? -Well, is it? Rather astonishingly so, yes. And particularly so in the case of Father Perrault himself. Do you know when he and the natives were finished building Shangri-La, he was 108 years old and still very active, in spite of only having one leg? -Rather astonishingly so, yes. And particularly so in the case of Father Perrault himself. Do you know when he and the natives were finished building Shangri-La, he was 108 years old and still very active, in spite of only having one leg? 108 and still active? -108 and still active? You're startled? -You're startled? Oh, no. Just a little bowled over, that's all. -Oh, no. Just a little bowled over, that's all. "Forgive me. I should have told you it is quite common here to live to a very ripe old age. Climate, diet, mountain water, you might say. But we like to believe it is the absence of struggle in the way we live. In your countries, on the other hand, how often do you hear the expression, ""He worried himself to death?"" or, ""This thing or that killed him?""" -"Forgive me. I should have told you it is quite common here to live to a very ripe old age. Climate, diet, mountain water, you might say. But we like to believe it is the absence of struggle in the way we live. In your countries, on the other hand, how often do you hear the expression, ""He worried himself to death?"" or, ""This thing or that killed him?""" Very often. -Very often. And very true. Your lives are therefore, as a rule, shorter, not so much by natural death as by indirect suicide. -And very true. Your lives are therefore, as a rule, shorter, not so much by natural death as by indirect suicide. That's all very fine if it works out. A little amazing, of course. -That's all very fine if it works out. A little amazing, of course. Why, Mr. Conway, you surprise me! -Why, Mr. Conway, you surprise me! I surprise you? Now that's news. -I surprise you? Now that's news. I mean, your amazement. I could have understood it in any of your companions, but you - who have dreamed and written so much about better worlds. Or is it that you fail to recognize one of your own dreams when you see it? -I mean, your amazement. I could have understood it in any of your companions, but you - who have dreamed and written so much about better worlds. Or is it that you fail to recognize one of your own dreams when you see it? Mr. Chang, if you don't mind, I think I'll go on being amazed - in moderation, of course. -Mr. Chang, if you don't mind, I think I'll go on being amazed - in moderation, of course. Then everything is quite all right, isn't it? -One moment. You say the High Lama is the only one who can give us any information? The only one. -The only one. And he can arrange for the porters to take us back? -And he can arrange for the porters to take us back? The High Lama arranges everything, Mr. Conway. -The High Lama arranges everything, Mr. Conway. Well, then he's the man I want to see. Will you come along? -Yes. I'm afraid it does. Shall we have another? -Shall we have another? No thanks. Not tonight if you don't mind. -Charming, isn't she? Yes, charming. -Yes, charming. Your brother seems quite fascinated by her. -Your brother seems quite fascinated by her. Why not? She's an attractive young woman. -Why not? She's an attractive young woman. Young? She arrived here in 1888. She was 20 at the time. She was on her way to join her betrothed - when her carriers lost their way in the mountains. The whole party would have perished but for meeting some of our people. -Young? She arrived here in 1888. She was 20 at the time. She was on her way to join her betrothed - when her carriers lost their way in the mountains. The whole party would have perished but for meeting some of our people. Amazing! She still doesn't look over 20. When is she likely to grow old in appearance? -Amazing! She still doesn't look over 20. When is she likely to grow old in appearance? Not for years. Shangri-La will keep her youthful indefinitely. -Not for years. Shangri-La will keep her youthful indefinitely. Suppose she should leave it? -Suppose she should leave it? Leave Shangri-La! That's not likely. You couldn't drive her out. -Leave Shangri-La! That's not likely. You couldn't drive her out. No, I mean about her appearance. If she should leave the valley - what would happen? -No, I mean about her appearance. If she should leave the valley - what would happen? Oh, she'd quickly revert in her appearance to her actual age. -Oh, she'd quickly revert in her appearance to her actual age. It's weird. Chang, how old are you? -It's weird. Chang, how old are you? Age is a limit we impose upon ourselves. You know, each time you Westerners celebrate your birthday, you build another fence around your minds. -You must prevail upon him not to attempt the journey. He could never get through that country alive. I can't let him go alone. It's suicide! -What do you want? I've offered you some warm broth. I thought perhaps- -I've offered you some warm broth. I thought perhaps- You get out of here! If any of you men think you can come busting in here- -Please calm yourself. You'll soon be well if you do. I don't need any advice from you! Get me a doctor! -I don't need any advice from you! Get me a doctor! I'm sorry, but we have no doctors here. -I'm sorry, but we have no doctors here. No doctors? That's fine. That's just fine. -No doctors? That's fine. That's just fine. Please let me help you. -Please let me help you. Sure, you can help me! You can help me jump over that cliff! I've been looking and looking at the bottom of that mountain, but I haven't got the nerve to jump! -Sure, you can help me! You can help me jump over that cliff! I've been looking and looking at the bottom of that mountain, but I haven't got the nerve to jump! You shouldn't be looking at the bottom of the mountain. Why don't you try looking up at the top sometimes? -You shouldn't be looking at the bottom of the mountain. Why don't you try looking up at the top sometimes? Don't preach that cheap, second- hand stuff to me! Go on, beat it. Beat it! -Of course, the porters will be very well paid - that is, within reason. I'm afraid that wouldn't help. You see, we have no porters here. -I'm afraid that wouldn't help. You see, we have no porters here. No porters here!! -No porters here!! No. -"What exactly do you mean by ""almost any time now""?" Well, we've been expecting this particular shipment for the past two years. -You know, it's very, very strange, but when you saw me in the corridor, I was actually on my way to you. I bring the most amazing news. The High Lama wishes to see you, Mr. Conway. The High Lama! Who in blazes is he?! -Amazing, Mr. Chang. This place is amazing! And that marble quarry in the valley is simply magnificent. Oh, I've looked around. I've seen everything. Your woodworkers and your cloth-weavers - they all seem so very, very happy. Yes. -Yes. You may not know it, Mr. Chang, but right here you have Utopia.[15] -You may not know it, Mr. Chang, but right here you have Utopia.[15] You've very kind Mr. Lovett. -You've very kind Mr. Lovett. I don't mean it in that sense. I only give credit where credit is due. Er, Mr. Chang, I'm very anxious to have you realize that I never for a moment believed that ridiculous kidnapping story. -I don't mean it in that sense. I only give credit where credit is due. Er, Mr. Chang, I'm very anxious to have you realize that I never for a moment believed that ridiculous kidnapping story. Oh, I'm so glad. -Oh, I'm so glad. "Simply preposterous. Do you know what I did last night? Last night, Mr. Chang, I held a sort of a self- inventory. I said to myself last night, Mr. Chang, I said, ""Lovey""— Mr. Lovett! ""Mr. Lovett,"" I said, ""you are an ungrateful fool . . . """ -"Simply preposterous. Do you know what I did last night? Last night, Mr. Chang, I held a sort of a self- inventory. I said to myself last night, Mr. Chang, I said, ""Lovey""— Mr. Lovett! ""Mr. Lovett,"" I said, ""you are an ungrateful fool . . . """ Why, no. -Why, no. """Ungrateful fool . . . !"" Those were my very words to myself last night. ""Here are these people in Shangri-La doing everything in their power to make our stay comfortable and happy and I haven't done one single thing to show my appreciation.""" -"""Ungrateful fool . . . !"" Those were my very words to myself last night. ""Here are these people in Shangri-La doing everything in their power to make our stay comfortable and happy and I haven't done one single thing to show my appreciation.""" Now, what would you like to do? -Now, what would you like to do? Well, Mr. Chang, I thought, with your permission of course, and while I'm waiting for these porters, I would like to organize classes for those children in the valley and teach them something practical and something useful. Geology. -Well, Mr. Chang, I thought, with your permission of course, and while I'm waiting for these porters, I would like to organize classes for those children in the valley and teach them something practical and something useful. Geology. Splendid! -Splendid! Isn't it? Isn't it! You know I was a professor for twenty years? - and a very good one. -Isn't it? Isn't it! You know I was a professor for twenty years? - and a very good one. I'm sure you were. When would you like to start? -I'm sure you were. When would you like to start? Oh, immediately. -Oh, immediately. Then it's done. -Then it's done. Oh, thank you. Thank you! -Oh, thank you. Thank you! Thank you. -We were just going to bury him when you came along. Pardon me— -In that event, we better make arrangements to get some porters immediately. Some means to get us back to civilization. Are you so certain you are away from it? -Are you so certain you are away from it? As far away as I ever want to be. -As far away as I ever want to be. Oh, dear. -Oh, yes. There is a tribe of porters some five hundred miles from here. That is our only contact with the outside world. Every now and again, depending upon favorable weather of course, they make the journey. How can we get in touch with them? -How can we get in touch with them? In that respect, you are exceedingly fortunate. We are expecting a shipment from them almost any time now— -The High Lama is the only one from whom any information can come. Don't believe him, Bob. He's just trying to get out. -A fine trick! Smart, aren't you? What a pack of lies you told us about those porters! Of course the minute they arrive, we can make arrangements to leave. If they take us. But you knew very well you'd tell them not to! Now, my dear boy. You shouldn't— -Now, my dear boy. You shouldn't— You've been lying to us ever since we got here! Apparently it's worked with some people. Perhaps it's because they lack the courage to do anything about it. But not me, Chang. You're up against the wrong man. I'll get out of here, if I have to blow this fantastic place into the valley! I'll get out—porters or no porters! -It's all your fault! It was all arranged until he spoke to you! Why can't you leave us alone? Do you mean to tell me you want to leave Shangri-La? -Do you mean to tell me you want to leave Shangri-La? I'll die if I have to stay here another minute! I've waited a long time for this chance to go, and you're not going to stop me now. If I have to, I'll go alone. It was I who bribed the porters. If it weren't for me, you'd never get out! -I'll die if I have to stay here another minute! I've waited a long time for this chance to go, and you're not going to stop me now. If I have to, I'll go alone. It was I who bribed the porters. If it weren't for me, you'd never get out! I thought the porters had instructions from the High Lama not to take anyone. -I thought the porters had instructions from the High Lama not to take anyone. The High Lama? Who pays any attention to him? The porters laugh at the High Lama. All they want to know is how much gold he will give them. Well, I gave them more gold. I've been stealing it for a year. I'd do anything to get out of this place. To get away from that High Lama - the one who calls himself Father Perrault! Why, he's been insane for years! -The High Lama? Who pays any attention to him? The porters laugh at the High Lama. All they want to know is how much gold he will give them. Well, I gave them more gold. I've been stealing it for a year. I'd do anything to get out of this place. To get away from that High Lama - the one who calls himself Father Perrault! Why, he's been insane for years! Father Perrault is dead. -Father Perrault is dead. He's dead? That's fine. You won't see me shedding any tears over him! Oh George, you must take me with you! -He's dead? That's fine. You won't see me shedding any tears over him! Oh George, you must take me with you! Aren't you afraid to leave? You don't want to look like an old woman, do you? -Aren't you afraid to leave? You don't want to look like an old woman, do you? Old woman? Chang told you that, didn't he? -Old woman? Chang told you that, didn't he? Yes. -Yes. I thought so! He tells everyone I'm old. He wants them to stay away from me. He can't stand it when anyone comes near. He's punished me for every minute I've spent with George. If it weren't for him, I would have been out of here long ago, but he always stops me. Six months ago, I tried to escape and he locked me in a dark room. I nearly went crazy. Look at me, Mr. Conway, do I look like an old woman? Is this the skin of an old woman? Look into my eyes and see if these are the eyes of an old woman? -You're lying, aren't you? No, Mr. Conway, I'm not lying. What reason could I have for lying? The chances are that we'll never come out of that horrible trip alive, but I'd rather die out there in a snowstorm and be buried alive, than to stay here one more minute now. -Are you taking me? Yes, of course. Certainly. Come on! -No, I can't! I can't! You've got to let me rest! You've got to let me rest! Hey! -Sit here, near me. I am an old man and can do no one any harm. Are you the High Lama? -Are you the High Lama? Yes. -I trust you have been comfortable at Shangri-La, since your arrival. Personally, I've enjoyed your community very much. But my friends do not care for this mystery. They are determined to leave as soon as— -It's astonishing - and incredible, but— What is it, my son? -What is it, my son? You're the man Chang told me about! You're the first - who - two hundred years ago— —you're still alive, Father Perrault! -You're the man Chang told me about! You're the first - who - two hundred years ago— —you're still alive, Father Perrault! Sit down, my son. You may not know it, but I've been an admirer of yours for a great many years. -That Conway seemed to belong here. In fact, it was suggested that someone be sent to bring him here. That I be brought here? Who had that brilliant idea? -That I be brought here? Who had that brilliant idea? Sondra Bizet. -Sondra Bizet. Oh, the girl at the piano? -Oh, the girl at the piano? Yes. She has read your books and has a profound admiration for you, as have we all. -Yes. She has read your books and has a profound admiration for you, as have we all. Of course I have suspected that our being here is no accident. Furthermore, I have a feeling that we're never supposed to leave. But that, for the moment, doesn't concern me greatly. I'll meet that when it comes. What particularly interests me at present is, why was I brought here? What possible use can I be to an already thriving community? -Of course I have suspected that our being here is no accident. Furthermore, I have a feeling that we're never supposed to leave. But that, for the moment, doesn't concern me greatly. I'll meet that when it comes. What particularly interests me at present is, why was I brought here? What possible use can I be to an already thriving community? We need men like you here, to be sure that our community will continue to thrive. In return for which, Shangri-La has much to give you. You are still, by the world's standards, a youngish man. Yet in the normal course of existence, you can expect twenty or thirty years of gradually diminishing activity. Here, however, in Shangri- La, by our standards your life has just begun, and may go on and on. -We need men like you here, to be sure that our community will continue to thrive. In return for which, Shangri-La has much to give you. You are still, by the world's standards, a youngish man. Yet in the normal course of existence, you can expect twenty or thirty years of gradually diminishing activity. Here, however, in Shangri- La, by our standards your life has just begun, and may go on and on. But to be candid, Father, a prolonged future doesn't excite me. It would have to have a point. I've sometimes doubted whether life itself has any. And if that is so, then long life must be even more pointless. No, I'd need a much more definite reason for going on and on. -But to be candid, Father, a prolonged future doesn't excite me. It would have to have a point. I've sometimes doubted whether life itself has any. And if that is so, then long life must be even more pointless. No, I'd need a much more definite reason for going on and on. We have reason. It is the entire meaning and purpose of Shangri-La. It came to me in a vision, long, long, ago. I saw all the nations strengthening, not in wisdom, but in the vulgar passions and the will to destroy. I saw their machine power multiply until a single weaponed man might match a whole army. I foresaw a time when man, exulting in the technique of murder, would rage so hotly over the world that every book, every treasure, would be doomed to destruction. This vision was so vivid and so moving that I determined to gather together all the things of beauty and culture that I could and preserve them here against the doom toward which the world is rushing. Look at the world today! Is there anything more pitiful? What madness there is, what blindness, what unintelligent leadership! A scurrying mass of bewildered humanity crashing headlong against each other, propelled by an orgy of greed and brutality. The time must come, my friend, when this orgy will spend itself, when brutality and the lust for power must perish by its own sword. Against that time is why I avoided death and am here, and why you were brought here. For when that day comes, the world must begin to look for a new life. And it is our hope that they may find it here. For here we shall be with their books and their music and a way of life based on one simple rule: Be Kind. When that day comes, it is our hope that the brotherly love of Shangri-La will spread throughout the world. Yes, my son, when the strong have devoured each other, the Christian ethic may at last be fulfilled, and the meek shall inherit the earth. -Yes, of course, your brother is a problem. It was to be expected. I knew you'd understand. That's why I came to you for help. -I knew you'd understand. That's why I came to you for help. You must not look to me for help. Your brother is no longer my problem. He is now your problem, Conway. -You must not look to me for help. Your brother is no longer my problem. He is now your problem, Conway. Mine? -Mine? Because, my son, I am placing in your hands the future and destiny of Shangri-La. For I am going to die. -I have waited for you, my son, for a long time. I have sat in this room and seen the faces of newcomers. I have looked into their eyes and heard their voices - always in hope that I might find you . My friend, it is not an arduous task that I bequeath, for our order knows only silken bonds. To be gentle and patient, to care for the riches of the mind, to preside in wisdom, while the storm rages without. Do you think this will come in my time? -Bob! I think I hear motors! Colonel, wait a minute, they may be here now! Say George, get down on that field and guide those planes in when they get here. -Colonel, wait a minute, they may be here now! Say George, get down on that field and guide those planes in when they get here. Yes. -And be sure that none of the natives get in. Yes. -Yes. Hello? Colonel? -The power house - they've blown it up! The planes can't land without lights. Come on! We'll burn the hangar. That will make light for them! -All right, go ahead! We go on to the next plane. Bring out any people that are left. Right, Bob. -Bob, these are all that are left. Come on! Quick! This way. -The next time you're in wild country like this, keep in touch with the British Consul. Aha - very good, Freshie.[3] Very good. You'd better put his name on the list and make out a report later. -Just what I needed too. You? -You? Just this once, Bob. I feel like celebrating. Just think of it, Bob - a cruiser sent to Shanghai just to take you back to England. You know what it means. Here you are. Don't bother about those cables now. I want you to drink with me. Gentlemen, I give you Robert Conway - England's new Foreign Secretary. -Hurray! "How I'm going to bask in reflected glory! People are going to point to me and say, ""There goes George Conway - brother of the Foreign Secretary.""" -"How I'm going to bask in reflected glory! People are going to point to me and say, ""There goes George Conway - brother of the Foreign Secretary.""" Don't talk nonsense. Give me the bottle. -Hello, Freshie. Did you make that report out yet? Yes, Bob. -Yes, Bob. Did you say we saved ninety white people? -Did you say we saved ninety white people? Yes. -Yes. Hurray for us. Did you say that we left ten thousand natives down there to be annihilated? No, you wouldn't say that. They don't count. -Hurray for us. Did you say that we left ten thousand natives down there to be annihilated? No, you wouldn't say that. They don't count. You'd better try to get some sleep, Bob. -You'd better try to get some sleep, Bob. "Just you wait until I'm Foreign Secretary. Can't you just see me, Freshie, with all those other shrewd, little Foreign Secretaries? You see, the trick is to see who can out-talk the other. Everybody wants something for nothing, and if you can't get it with smooth talk, you send an army in. I'm going to fool them, Freshie. I'm not going to have an army. I'm going to disband mine. I'm going to sink my battleships - I'm going to destroy every piece of warcraft. Then when the enemy approaches we'll say, ""Come in, gentlemen - what can we do for you?"" So then the poor enemy soldiers will stop and think. And what will they think, Freshie? They'll think to themselves - ""Something's wrong here. We've been duped. This is not according to form. These people seem to be quite friendly, and why should we shoot them?"" Then they'll lay down their arms. You see how simple the whole thing is? Centuries of tradition kicked right in the pants— —and I'll be slapped straight into the nearest insane asylum." -Don't worry, George. Nothing's going to happen. I'll fall right into line. I'll be the good little boy that everybody wants me to be. I'll be the best little Foreign Secretary we ever had, just because I haven't the nerve to be anything else. Do try to sleep, Bob. -Do try to sleep, Bob. Huh? Oh, sure, Freshie. Good thing, sleep. -Oh, stop it! The bloke up there looks a Chinese, or a Mongolian, or something. -George, what are you going to do? I'm going to drag him out and force him to tell us what his game is. -What are these people? I don't know. I can't get the dialect. -Oh George, come on. It's not knowing that's so awful, Bob. Not knowing where you're going, or why, or what's waiting when you get there. -What is it? Has he fainted? It looks like it. Smell those fumes? -He's dead. Dead? -What is it? See that spot? -See that spot? Yes. -Yes. That's where we were this morning. He had it marked. Right on the border of Tibet. Here's where civilization ends. We must be a thousand miles beyond it - just a blank on the map. -That's where we were this morning. He had it marked. Right on the border of Tibet. Here's where civilization ends. We must be a thousand miles beyond it - just a blank on the map. What's it mean? -What's it mean? It means we're in unexplored country - country nobody ever reached. -Hello, George. Cigarette? Thanks. I suppose all this comes under the heading of adventure. -Thanks. I suppose all this comes under the heading of adventure. We've had plenty of it the last few days. -We've had plenty of it the last few days. It's far from over, from what I can see. This place gives me the creeps, hidden away like this - no contact with civilization. Bob, you don't seem concerned at all. -It's far from over, from what I can see. This place gives me the creeps, hidden away like this - no contact with civilization. Bob, you don't seem concerned at all. Oh, I'm feeling far too peaceful to be concerned about anything. I think I'm going to like it here. -Oh, I'm feeling far too peaceful to be concerned about anything. I think I'm going to like it here. You talk as though you intend on staying. -You talk as though you intend on staying. Something happened to me, when we arrived here, George, that - well - did you ever go to a totally strange place, and feel certain that you've been there before? -Something happened to me, when we arrived here, George, that - well - did you ever go to a totally strange place, and feel certain that you've been there before? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I don't know. -I don't know. You're a strange bird. No wonder Gainsford calls you the man who always wanted to see what was on the other side of the hill. -Don't you ever want to see what's on the other side of the hill? What could there be except just another hill? In any event, I'm not curious. At the moment, it seems to me we should be concerned about getting home. I'd give anything to be in London right now. -What could there be except just another hill? In any event, I'm not curious. At the moment, it seems to me we should be concerned about getting home. I'd give anything to be in London right now. Of course you would. If ever we get out of this place, the thing for you to do is to take that job with Helen's father. -Of course you would. If ever we get out of this place, the thing for you to do is to take that job with Helen's father. What do you mean if we should get out? -What do you mean if we should get out? "Did I say ""if""?" -"Did I say ""if""?" That's what you said. -That's what you said. Well - I mean— -Well - I mean— What's on your mind, Bob? You talk as though we're going to have trouble getting out of here. -What's on your mind, Bob? You talk as though we're going to have trouble getting out of here. George, I've been putting things together. Do you notice the resemblance between those natives and the pilot? And why did those clothes materialize so conveniently when they met us at the plane? Chang himself just said that they never venture beyond that point. What brought them there? Unless it was to meet us? -George, I've been putting things together. Do you notice the resemblance between those natives and the pilot? And why did those clothes materialize so conveniently when they met us at the plane? Chang himself just said that they never venture beyond that point. What brought them there? Unless it was to meet us? Chang's first question was about the pilot. -Chang's first question was about the pilot. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. There must be some connection between the plane and this place. They must have deliberately brought us here. Why, Bob? What reason could they have for doing a thing like that? -There must be some connection between the plane and this place. They must have deliberately brought us here. Why, Bob? What reason could they have for doing a thing like that? That's what's on the other side of the hill. -Well - I heard that if you want a man's wife, she's yours, if he's got any manners. Nothing about the porters yet? -Nothing about the porters yet? Porters? -Porters? Good heavens, Bob, we've been here two weeks and we haven't found out a thing. -Good heavens, Bob, we've been here two weeks and we haven't found out a thing. Well, we haven't been murdered in our beds yet, George, have we? -Well, we haven't been murdered in our beds yet, George, have we? I'm afraid the porters are just a myth. I guess we never will know why we're here, or how long we're going to be held prisoners. -I'm afraid the porters are just a myth. I guess we never will know why we're here, or how long we're going to be held prisoners. Shhh! -George, what do you think you're doing? Let me go, Bob! -George, come back! Chang! Chang! Chang! -Let me up! Let me up! All right. Sorry, George. -What about the porters? Porters? -Porters? Didn't you find out anything about the porters? -Didn't you find out anything about the porters? Why - I'm sorry - but I— -For heaven's sake, Bob, what's the matter with you? You went out there for the purpose of— George. George - do you mind? I'm sorry, but I can't talk about it tonight. -George - you're behaving like a child. You haven't opened your mouth in two weeks. I don't see that there's anything to say. -I said we're getting out of here. Back to civilization. I made a deal with the porters. They brought in a load of books or something, and they're leaving tomorrow at dawn. They're waiting for us five miles outside the valley. Come on, get your things together. Where's your top coat? You can't leave, George. -You can't leave, George. Why not? What's going to stop me? -Why not? What's going to stop me? You mustn't. You've got to stay here now. -You mustn't. You've got to stay here now. Stay here?! What's the matter with you, Bob? You've been acting strangely ever since we came here. I've never seen you like this. Why can't we leave? What's stopping us? -Something grand and beautiful, George. Something I've been searching for all my life. The answer to the confusion and bewilderment of a lifetime. I've found it, George, and I can't leave it. You mustn't either. I don't know what you're talking about. You're carrying around a secret that seems to be eating you up. If you'll only tell me about it. -I don't know what you're talking about. You're carrying around a secret that seems to be eating you up. If you'll only tell me about it. I will, George. I want to tell you. I'll burst with it if I don't. It's weird and fantastical and sometimes unbelievable, but so beautiful! Well, as you know, we were kidnapped and brought here . . . -Well, I - I really don't know what to say. Except that you must be completely mad. So you think I'm mad? -So you think I'm mad? What else can I think after a tale like that? Good heavens, Bob, things like that don't happen today. We're living in the twentieth century. -What else can I think after a tale like that? Good heavens, Bob, things like that don't happen today. We're living in the twentieth century. So you think it's all nonsense, huh? -So you think it's all nonsense, huh? I think you've been hypnotized by a lot of loose-brained fanatics. Why, I wouldn't believe it if I heard it in an English monastery. Why should I swallow it here in Tibet? How do you know the things they told you are true? Did they show you any proof? -I think you've been hypnotized by a lot of loose-brained fanatics. Why, I wouldn't believe it if I heard it in an English monastery. Why should I swallow it here in Tibet? How do you know the things they told you are true? Did they show you any proof? I don't need any proof. -I don't need any proof. I knew there was a reason I hated this place. I'd give half my life to fly over it with a load of bombs just for what they've done to you. How do you know the things they told you are true? Did they show you any proof? All this talk about the Lamas being hundreds of years old. How do you know? Did you see their birth certificates? I can't believe it, Bob. A bunch of decrepit old men sit around and dream about reforming the world. And you, Bob Conway - two-feet-on- the-ground Conway - want to join them. It's horrible. -I knew there was a reason I hated this place. I'd give half my life to fly over it with a load of bombs just for what they've done to you. How do you know the things they told you are true? Did they show you any proof? All this talk about the Lamas being hundreds of years old. How do you know? Did you see their birth certificates? I can't believe it, Bob. A bunch of decrepit old men sit around and dream about reforming the world. And you, Bob Conway - two-feet-on- the-ground Conway - want to join them. It's horrible. Is that all my story meant to you? -Is that all my story meant to you? What else could it mean to me? It's obviously a lot of bunk. -What else could it mean to me? It's obviously a lot of bunk. Then you'd better go, George. This is no place for you. -Then you'd better go, George. This is no place for you. It's no place for you, Bob. Think of what's waiting for you. Do you want to stay here until you're half dead? Until your mind starts corroding like the rest of them? -It's no place for you, Bob. Think of what's waiting for you. Do you want to stay here until you're half dead? Until your mind starts corroding like the rest of them? Please, George. I don't want to talk about it anymore. -Please, George. I don't want to talk about it anymore. You've got to talk about it. What about me? You said they stole that plane to bring you here. I didn't want to come. You owe me some responsibility. -You've got to talk about it. What about me? You said they stole that plane to bring you here. I didn't want to come. You owe me some responsibility. I'm tired of owing you things. You're free to go. Go ahead. -I'm tired of owing you things. You're free to go. Go ahead. It's that girl - that girl has twisted and turned— -It's that girl - that girl has twisted and turned— Enough! Never mind the girl! Well, why don't you go? -Look here, Bob, Ever since I can remember, you've looked after me. Now I think you're the one that needs looking after. I'm your brother, Bob. If there's something wrong with you, let me help you. Oh, George . . . -Oh, George . . . Besides, I - I don't feel like making that trip alone, Bob. -Besides, I - I don't feel like making that trip alone, Bob. George, you couldn't possibly stay here, could you? -George, you couldn't possibly stay here, could you? I'd go mad! -I'd go mad! George, I may be wrong, I may be a maniac. But I believe in this, and I'm not going to lose it. You know how much I want to help you, but this is bigger, stronger if you like than brotherly love. I'm sorry, George. I'm staying. -George, I may be wrong, I may be a maniac. But I believe in this, and I'm not going to lose it. You know how much I want to help you, but this is bigger, stronger if you like than brotherly love. I'm sorry, George. I'm staying. Well, I can't think of anything more to say. Goodbye, Bob. -George, are you sure of the porters? About their taking care of you, I mean? Oh yes. It's all set. Maria made the arrangements. -Oh yes. It's all set. Maria made the arrangements. Maria? -Maria? Yes, the little Russian girl. -Yes, the little Russian girl. What's she got to do with it? -What's she got to do with it? She's going with me. -You can't take her away from here! Why not? -Why not? Because you can't. Do you know what will happen to her if she leaves Shangri-La? She's a fragile thing that can only live where fragile things are loved. Take her out of this valley and she'll fade away like an echo. -Because you can't. Do you know what will happen to her if she leaves Shangri-La? She's a fragile thing that can only live where fragile things are loved. Take her out of this valley and she'll fade away like an echo. "What do you mean - ""fade away like an echo""?" -"What do you mean - ""fade away like an echo""?" She came here in 1888! -This would be funny - if it wasn't so pathetic. Why, she isn't a day over twenty! You're wrong, George. -You're wrong, George. I'm not wrong. She told me so. Besides, she wouldn't have to tell me. I'd know anyway. I found out a lot of things last night. I'm not ashamed of it either. It's probably one of the few decent things that's ever happened in this hellish place. -So everyone is serenely happy in Shangri-La? Nobody would ever think of leaving? It's all just so much rot! She's pleaded with me ever since I came here to take her away from this awful place. She's cried in my arms for hours, for fear I'd leave her behind. And what's more, she's made two trips to the plateau to bribe the porters - for me! I don't believe it! I don't believe a word of it! -I don't believe it! I don't believe a word of it! All right. I'll prove it to you! You believe everything they've told you - without proof! I'll prove my story! -She was kidnapped and brought here two years ago just as we were, Bob. I don't believe it! I can't believe it. She's lying. You're lying. You're lying! Every word you've been saying is a lie! Come on, say it! -You say the porters are waiting for us? Yes. -Yes. The clothes? -The clothes? Yes, everything! -Yes, everything! What about the others? -What about the others? I've already asked them. They're afraid to make the trip. We'll have to send an expedition back after them. -I've already asked them. They're afraid to make the trip. We'll have to send an expedition back after them. Come on! We're wasting time! -Lucky thing for me you snapped out of it, too. You saved my life. I never could have made it alone. What was that? -What was that? was saying— -was saying— Can't you shut up? Must you go on babbling like an idiot? -Bob, can't you get them to wait for us? They're leaving us farther behind every day. There's nothing that would suit them better than to lose us, but we must go on. Come on. -Target practice again! One of these days they're going to hit us. As long as they keep on aiming at us, we're safe. Come now, child. -Where did you come from? I'm Alexander P. Lovett, sir. -I'm Alexander P. Lovett, sir. Why aren't you registered through our office? -Where were you hiding? Hiding? Oh, no. Hunting - I was in the interior - hunting fossils. This morning I looked up suddenly— -Hiding? Oh, no. Hunting - I was in the interior - hunting fossils. This morning I looked up suddenly— I know - and a war broke out right over your head. -No. That's not possible! If we had landed, we all would have been awakened. Of course. We never left the air. I know - I didn't sleep the whole night long. -Of course. We never left the air. I know - I didn't sleep the whole night long. That fellow got on at Baskul. -That fellow got on at Baskul. What's he doing? Where's he taking us? He may be a maniac for all we know. -Good. What if he refuses? -What if he refuses? We'll smash his face in. That's what we'll do. -We'll smash his face in. That's what we'll do. Brilliant! Can anyone here fly a plane? -I guess we're in for it. In for what? -In for what? I don't know. He must have had some purpose in taking the plane away from Fenner. When he lands, we'll find out. -I don't know. He must have had some purpose in taking the plane away from Fenner. When he lands, we'll find out. You mean to tell me you're not going to do anything until we land? -You mean to tell me you're not going to do anything until we land? What do you suggest? -What do you suggest? Why, you - you— Look here - he may dash us to pieces! -Why, you - you— Look here - he may dash us to pieces! It might afford you a great deal of relief. Now gentlemen, I'm going back to sleep. Oh, and I was having such a peaceful dream. As soon as he lands, let me know. -Imagine having all that fuel there, waiting for us! George, something tells me our journey is just beginning. Where are we going? Huh? -Huh? I give it up. But this not knowing where you're going is exciting anyway. Well, Mr. Conway, for a man who is supposed to be a leader, your do- nothing attitude is very disappointing. -At the mercy of a mad pilot. We'd be eternally grateful if you— -Oh, please. I hope you're not going to run away this time. My name's Sondra. -My name's Sondra. hope you'll forgive me for— -You know, each time I see you, I hear that music. What is it? Oh, you mean my pigeons. -Was this your idea? Yes. Hold this pigeon. -Yes. Hold this pigeon. You suggested my being brought here, didn't you? What gave you the idea I'd fit in? -You suggested my being brought here, didn't you? What gave you the idea I'd fit in? That was easy. I read your books. -That was easy. I read your books. Oh, you've read my books. You do more things! What have my books got to do with it? -Oh, you've read my books. You do more things! What have my books got to do with it? I saw a man whose life was empty. -I saw a man whose life was empty. A man whose life was empty! -A man whose life was empty! Oh, I know. It was full of this and full of that. But you were accomplishing nothing. You were going nowhere, and you knew it. -As a matter of fact, all I saw was a little boy whistling in the dark. A little boy whistling in the dark!? Do you realize that there is a British cruiser waiting at Shanghai, smoke pouring out of its funnels, tugging at its moorings, waiting to take Mr. Conway back to London? Do you know that at this minute there are headlines shrieking all over the world the news that Conway is missing? Does that look like a man whose life is empty? -A little boy whistling in the dark!? Do you realize that there is a British cruiser waiting at Shanghai, smoke pouring out of its funnels, tugging at its moorings, waiting to take Mr. Conway back to London? Do you know that at this minute there are headlines shrieking all over the world the news that Conway is missing? Does that look like a man whose life is empty? Yes. -Yes. You're absolutely right. And I had to come all the way to a pigeon house in Shangri-La to find the only other person in the world who knew it. May I congratulate you? -I really only brought you here to show you my pigeons! Don't worry about the pigeons. From now on, you can put flutes on my tail and bells on my feet! -There are so many questions I'd like to ask you, I hardly know where to begin. I'll help you. To begin with, you'd like to know what I'm doing here. Whether I was born here. -I'll help you. To begin with, you'd like to know what I'm doing here. Whether I was born here. Thank you. -Thank you. Well, I was almost born here. It took place in that wild country beyond the pass. My father and mother were in a party of explorers who got lost and wandered around for a year. When Chang found us, only Father and I were alive. But he was too weak to climb the pass. He died on the way. I was brought up here by Father Perrault himself. -Well, I was almost born here. It took place in that wild country beyond the pass. My father and mother were in a party of explorers who got lost and wandered around for a year. When Chang found us, only Father and I were alive. But he was too weak to climb the pass. He died on the way. I was brought up here by Father Perrault himself. Father Perrault! I envy you. I talked to him last night. -Father Perrault! I envy you. I talked to him last night. Yes, I know. -Yes, I know. Father Perrault. Of course I can't quite get used to this age thing. -I'm thirty. Oh, you're going to make life very simple. -What is? All of it. Father Perrault and his magnificent history. This place, hidden away from the rest of the world, with its glorious concepts, and now you come along and confuse me entirely. -All of it. Father Perrault and his magnificent history. This place, hidden away from the rest of the world, with its glorious concepts, and now you come along and confuse me entirely. I'm sorry. I thought I was to be the light. But why do I confuse you? Am I so strange? -I'm sorry. I thought I was to be the light. But why do I confuse you? Am I so strange? On the contrary, you're not strange. And that in itself is confusing. I have the same idea about Shangri- La. The sense that I've been here before, that I belong here. -On the contrary, you're not strange. And that in itself is confusing. I have the same idea about Shangri- La. The sense that I've been here before, that I belong here. I'm so glad. -I'm so glad. I can't quite explain it, but everything is somehow familiar. The very air that I breathe. The Lamasery, with its feet rooted in the good earth of this fertile valley, while its head explores the eternal. All the beautiful things I see, these cherry blossoms, you - all somehow familiar. I've been kidnapped and brought here against my will. A crime, a great crime, yet I accept it amiably, with the same warm amiability one tolerates only from a very dear and close friend. Why? Can you tell me why? -I can't quite explain it, but everything is somehow familiar. The very air that I breathe. The Lamasery, with its feet rooted in the good earth of this fertile valley, while its head explores the eternal. All the beautiful things I see, these cherry blossoms, you - all somehow familiar. I've been kidnapped and brought here against my will. A crime, a great crime, yet I accept it amiably, with the same warm amiability one tolerates only from a very dear and close friend. Why? Can you tell me why? Perhaps because you've always been a part of Shangri-La without knowing it. -Perhaps because you've always been a part of Shangri-La without knowing it. I wonder. -I wonder. I'm sure of it. Just as I'm sure there's a wish for Shangri-La in everyone's heart. I have never seen the outside world. But I understand there are millions and millions of people who are supposed to be mean and greedy. Yet I just know that secretly they are all hoping to find a garden spot where there is peace and security, where there's beauty and comfort, where they wouldn't have to be mean and greedy. Oh, I just wish the whole world might come to this valley. -I'm sure of it. Just as I'm sure there's a wish for Shangri-La in everyone's heart. I have never seen the outside world. But I understand there are millions and millions of people who are supposed to be mean and greedy. Yet I just know that secretly they are all hoping to find a garden spot where there is peace and security, where there's beauty and comfort, where they wouldn't have to be mean and greedy. Oh, I just wish the whole world might come to this valley. Then it wouldn't be a garden spot for long. -Beautiful! I'm waiting for the bump. Bump? -Bump? When the plane lands at Shangri-La and wakes us all up. -Ouch! You see, it's not a dream. -You see, it's not a dream. You know, sometimes I think that it's the other that's the dream. The outside world. Have you never wanted to go there? -You know, sometimes I think that it's the other that's the dream. The outside world. Have you never wanted to go there? Goodness, no. From what you tell me about it, it certainly doesn't sound very attractive. -Goodness, no. From what you tell me about it, it certainly doesn't sound very attractive. It's not so bad, really. Some phases are a little sordid, of course. That's only to be expected. -It's not so bad, really. Some phases are a little sordid, of course. That's only to be expected. Why? -Why? Oh, the usual reasons. A world full of people struggling for existence. -Oh, the usual reasons. A world full of people struggling for existence. Struggling, why? -Struggling, why? Well, everybody naturally wants to make a place for himself, accumulate a nest egg, and so on. -Well, everybody naturally wants to make a place for himself, accumulate a nest egg, and so on. Why? -Why? You know, if you keep on asking that, we're not going to get anywhere. And don't ask me why. -You know, if you keep on asking that, we're not going to get anywhere. And don't ask me why. I was just going to. -I was just going to. It's the most annoying word in the English language. Did you ever hear a child torture his parent with it? Mother's little darling musn't stick her fingers in the salad bowl. Why? Because it isn't lady- like to do that. Why? Because that's what forks are made for, darling. -It's the most annoying word in the English language. Did you ever hear a child torture his parent with it? Mother's little darling musn't stick her fingers in the salad bowl. Why? Because it isn't lady- like to do that. Why? Because that's what forks are made for, darling. Why, mother? -Why, mother? Because mother read it in a book somewhere, and if mother's little darling doesn't take her fingers out of the salad bowl this instant, mother's going to wring her little neck. -Would you like to wring my little neck? I'd love it! -I'd love it! Why? -I've thought about it for years. I knew you'd come. And I knew if you did - you'd never leave. Am I forgiven for sending for you? Forgiven. You know, when we were on that plane, I was fascinated by the way its shadow followed it. That silly shadow racing along over mountains and valleys, covering ten times the distance of the plane. It was always there to greet us with outstretched arms when we landed. And I've been thinking that somehow you're that plane, and I'm that silly shadow. That all my life I've been rushing up and down hills, leaping rivers, crashing over obstacles, never dreaming that one day that beautiful thing in flight would land on this earth and into my arms. -It would serve you right if you were left behind. How could I know that a war was going to break out right over my head! Right over my head. Oh, my word! I tell you, those Chinese were pouncing on me from every direction. I had to get into these ridiculous clothes in order to escape. -Couldn't you arrange to make a little less noise? I tell you, we're going west, and Shanghai is east of here! -I tell you, we're going west, and Shanghai is east of here! Be quiet! Fenner's the best pilot in China. He knows what he's doing. -Be quiet! Fenner's the best pilot in China. He knows what he's doing. It's Fenner. -What do you want him to do? I don't know. I'm a paleontologist, not a Foreign Secretary. -What is it? Mountain grass. It's good, too. Here, have some. I've read of people lasting thirty days on this stuff. -Why, he's speaking English. English! -Now that dinner is over, if you'll excuse us, we're very anxious to discuss ways and means of getting back home. The first thing we want to do is to cable the Foreign Office. All of England is waiting to hear about my brother. There's a cruiser at Shanghai ready to take him back. -That's what I mean - mysterious. Mr. Conway, I don't like that man. He's too vague. We didn't get much information out of him, did we Bob? -How about you? Do you want to go? Go? Where? -Go? Where? Home. Away from here. I've got porters to take us back. -Home. Away from here. I've got porters to take us back. Oh, my dear boy, I'm sorry. That's impossible. Why, I have my classes all started. -Oh, my dear boy, I'm sorry. That's impossible. Why, I have my classes all started. I don't care what you've got started. Do you want to go? -I don't care what you've got started. Do you want to go? Well - no - I think I'd better wait. Yes, yes. I will. I'll wait. -Well - no - I think I'd better wait. Yes, yes. I will. I'll wait. You'll wait till you rot! -You'll wait till you rot! Yes. Barney! -EXCUSE ME– Please don't go. -You promised to come for tea yesterday. I waited for so long. I'm sorry. I haven't even got any cigarettes left! -I'm sorry. I haven't even got any cigarettes left! I'll make some for you! You will come today? -I'll make some for you! You will come today? Perhaps. -Perhaps. Please say you will. The days are so very long and lonely without you. Please . . . -Please say you will. The days are so very long and lonely without you. Please . . . All right, I'll be there. -All right, I'll be there. Thank you. -Thank you. You'll tell me some of the things I want to know, won't you? You'll tell me who runs this place. And why we were kidnapped. And what they're going to do with us! -The hell happened? Hesitated, sir. -Hesitated, sir. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about your choice of targets. -You shot an eight year old girl. Uh... yes. Apparently I did, air. -Uh... yes. Apparently I did, air. The hell were you thinking? -The hell were you thinking? Well, I dunno. I mean, when you looked at all the other options... it just seemed sorta obvious. -Well, I dunno. I mean, when you looked at all the other options... it just seemed sorta obvious. Obvious? Why don't you and I have a little talk about the obvious... outside. -Sir, before you boot me, I just want to explain. I mean, okay, you got a goat-guy with a hook for a head... Cowan-- -Cowan-- "Wait. Uh-- sir. Please. Anyway. Hook-head-guy. I'm thinking ""how can he think with a hook for a head?"" Answer: that's not his head. Then I think--" -"Wait. Uh-- sir. Please. Anyway. Hook-head-guy. I'm thinking ""how can he think with a hook for a head?"" Answer: that's not his head. Then I think--" Cowan-- -Cowan-- of course not, cause his head is that thing way on the other side of the road, cause, if you looked at it, the entire sidewalk full of stuff was actually ONE GUY and-- -of course not, cause his head is that thing way on the other side of the road, cause, if you looked at it, the entire sidewalk full of stuff was actually ONE GUY and-- Cowan-- will you shut your god damed mouth? -Yes. That's true. Actually, at this point, I just want A job. Wait. What do you mean... yet? It means I know you think you got a beat on things. But trust me, you don't. You don't even have an inkling of a hint of a clue as to what's really going on in the world. And if you want to find out even a little, you'll shut up and come with me. And if you don't, fine. Go with them. Cause I'm not interested in breaking in another little hot-shot only to have him wig or die on me just when I'm starting to count on him. So forgive me if you don't exactly hear me ringing little bells and whistling welcome aboard, but this isn't the Love Boat. And I'm not Captain Fucking Stubing. Now I'm sorry. But this has been one long, bad day. -So... this door. It's... not an exit... ? It's not even a fucking door. -...touch that. What the hell... -What the hell... Kids' game a couple galaxies over. -Kids' game a couple galaxies over. I guess I lost: -I guess I lost: You got smeared. -We have one motto: Peace on Earth. And Goodwill Toward Man? -And Goodwill Toward Man? No. just peace on Earth. -No. just peace on Earth. I gotta be honest about something. -Once I thought the biggest thing I'll ever do was guard the president. Oh, you'll still, be guarding him. -It's easy. You work your way up the secret service, one day stand with the President, meet the most important people on the planet, fulfill your dreams, live happily ever after. And if I say yes? -And if I say yes? Lose your name and identity, work endless hours an behalf people who don't know you exist, and abandon any hope that you might one day feel even the slightest bit sure of your place in the universe. -... think that maybe my supervisors referred me here because of certain issues which I assure you I have spent a good deal of time working very hard to correct-- Your supervisors have no idea why you're here. -Your supervisors have no idea why you're here. They don't? -They don't? They don't. Now, son. If you get the job, you're going to be working with some very particular people who like to do things in some very particular ways. Here's a little piece of advice: Don't use this so much. -What's so funny, cadet Cowan? "I... I don't know, air. This guy. Mr. ""Best of the best of the best... "" I don't know. It's just still find it a little... humorous. I'm sorry. Sir." -"Well... you know, when you say ""normal,"" what, exactly..." For instance... It says here you lost your parents at 15, and, since then... -For instance... It says here you lost your parents at 15, and, since then... Sir. I thought those records were sealed. -Sir. I thought those records were sealed. We're the government, Cowan. -You think we're nuts. No-- it makes sense. Cause I gotta tell ya, when I was in third grade they told me I was crazy cause I swore that our teacher was from, like, Venus or something. -No-- it makes sense. Cause I gotta tell ya, when I was in third grade they told me I was crazy cause I swore that our teacher was from, like, Venus or something. Mrs. Edelson? -Only the damn guy won't know it. What happens if I say no? -"From now on, you'll respond only to the name ""Jay."" You'll dress in appropriate attire specially sanctioned by the INS Special Services. You're not to stand out in any way. Understand?" Yes, sir. -Everybody, listen up: we've had a tremendous amount of movement lately. Be aware. Be safe. Have a good day. Oh, uh... Cowan? Yes, air? -- OOOMPH. -Hell of an assistant, isn't he? Damn guy moves so fast, he actually gets there before you even ask for him. Sorta literally gets ahead of himself. -Sorta literally gets ahead of himself. Hang on. -- And this is the good part; when you're fully ordained, he'll come when you call him, too. Dave. -So... wait. You just asked... but he goes so fast, he actually brought what you asked for before you asked for it. His physics are a little different than ours. Don't worry -His physics are a little different than ours. Don't worry It'll make sense later? -It'll make sense later? No. But You'll get used to it. Welcome to the Men in Black. -Sorry, Cowan, I found out literally just before the ceremony.' Apparently you're to report for further review. Further... what are you talking about, air? That makes no sense-- I hold three cadet class records-- -Further... what are you talking about, air? That makes no sense-- I hold three cadet class records-- Actually, it didn't come from me. -Bull... loney- Sir. I'm sorry. Sir, I'm sorry. Sir. I just, I find it hard to believe that it didn't come from you. I mean, everything here comes from you. Well this didn't. -Well this didn't. Then where did it-- ? Sir. Forgive me, but it makes no sense. worked my ass off to grad-- -Look. I don't know why. I could guess, however. Maybe it's your attitude. Or that you're not even close to a team player. Or that you always seen to think you know more than your supervisors. Actually, sir-- -Actually, sir-- Cowan. Do you ever think that maybe, just maybe, other people might be right and you might be wrong? -Cowan. Do you ever think that maybe, just maybe, other people might be right and you might be wrong? All the time, sir. -All the time, sir. You do? -You do? Yes, air. But I'm usually wrong. Sir. -Which do you have your money on, Dee? I'd go with number three. -I'd go with number three. Three, huh? Really? Cause a cup of coffee says we're talking about... number... four? Huh? No? -Mikey. Hold it, Mikey-- I want you to talk to me. Mikey. I'm telling you.. don't make me... Mikey Gimme the 140. Oh. Shit. it's in the car-- -Oh. Shit. it's in the car-- What? I thought you just-- -Little more burn on the perimeter-they weren't roasting smores here. Dig out this hole a little. Cmon, I know it's late, but the sooner we get it right, the sooner we'll all be home. Kay, I'm sorry... -Kay, I'm sorry... Don't worry about it. Four-Eyes'll run a track on him. We'll get that son of a... whatever the hell he's the son of. -Kay, listen, I dunno what got into-- Don't worry about it. It's been a long night. Speaking of which-- you owe me a cup of coffee, remember? -I wasn't scared... Oh yeah? The hell you weren't. Little pither just out of school... -Grab the coffee, will ya? I told Zed I'd give him a buzz. Listen-- do me a favor-- don't mention the 140 thing-- -Listen-- do me a favor-- don't mention the 140 thing-- Don't worry about it. -Helluva night, isn't it? Yup. Sure is. -'Hell, I may as well do something useful. Dee, you've been useful for 50 years. We're clueless, you're tired. Why don't you go home and get some rest. -Dee, you've been useful for 50 years. We're clueless, you're tired. Why don't you go home and get some rest. Home? You gotta be kidding me. Black? -Dee. God damn it. I told you to go home. Kay... -We'll take it from here. What? Who the hell are you? -What? Who the hell are you? INS, Washington. Special services. -Vayanse. You others, go on. Sir-- -Sir-- Pasen al-furgon v larguense de aqui! Take the van and go. -Pasen al-furgon v larguense de aqui! Take the van and go. Sir, you can't just-- -Sir, you can't just-- "DON'T ""SIR"" ME-- YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH." -This is a neurelyser. it was a gift from some friends from out of town. I need you to look at it. This red eye here isolates and measures the nature of the electronic impulses currently in your brain. More specifically, the ones -for memory, which it will then block. I said I need you to look right here. Why? What are you gonna do? -Why? What are you gonna do? Actually that's a very good question. The answer-- if You'll Just look at this Part-- is here. -Underground gas vein. Next time, be more careful when you shoot off your guns. What? -What? You heard me. You two, especially. -Well, how about if I guess, then? Black: Vast space. Deep. Spiritual. The essence of infinity. We wear black. -We wear black. Oh. Right. I guess that's kind of cool, too, in it's own way. Course, this isn't really black; it's kind of a dull, dirty, tarry sort of noncolor, isn't it? -The point is to not call attention to ourselves. I understand. Hey, it works for the Hasids, right? No one recognizes them. -It's a bug. Right. -Right. But not a BUG bug-- it's an insect. -So... lemme get this straight. We got the use of all sorts of technology from all sorts of other planets. We got information no one else in the world is privy to. And we're in a 1986 Ford LTD about to go look at an insect? So what's the problem? -So what's the problem? Well, first of all... I gotta think we could still blend in pretty nice in a Ferrari Testerrosa. I mean, there is a lot of `em on the street these days, and... uh... -I tell you, if we really wanted to bland in, that'd what we'd be wearing. I think it'd be a good look for you, too. I'll even help you choose a tattoo. It's the way we do it. The way we've always done it. -It's the way we do it. The way we've always done it. I know, but we're on a college campus... -I know, but we're on a college campus... This is a college? I'm sorry, I thought it was a carnival. -I think she's the alien. In any case, she's clearly spent my too much time alone in this room. Keep her out of here while I check it out. -Keep her out of here while I check it out. I'm, uh... real curious about your met up here. I see you have the, uh, double-office-type thing going here.. -I'm just saying it was cold. I think she kind of liked me. She didn't even know you. . -She didn't even know you. . I know, that's usually the only time I actually have a shot. And what if I wanted to see her again? I'd have to completely re-introduce myself. -I know, that's usually the only time I actually have a shot. And what if I wanted to see her again? I'd have to completely re-introduce myself. Such a shame, too. Cause you made such a good impression the first time. -Such a shame, too. Cause you made such a good impression the first time. Hey, I was workin' her. I was workin' my thing. -Hey, I was workin' her. I was workin' my thing. "Just so I understand... you're ""thing"" is... acting like an idiot? Or is it actually being an idiot? Besides--" -"Just so I understand... you're ""thing"" is... acting like an idiot? Or is it actually being an idiot? Besides--" I know, I know. I read the manual. No attachments. We work alone. Blah. blah. -I know, I know. I read the manual. No attachments. We work alone. Blah. blah. If you don't have anyone to tell, you won't tell anyone. Believe me, you get used to it. -If you don't have anyone to tell, you won't tell anyone. Believe me, you get used to it. I think you're too used to it. If you ask me, you've been doing this job too long. -I think you're too used to it. If you ask me, you've been doing this job too long. You don't know the half of it. -You don't know the half of it. What'd you do before this, anyway? Wait-- let me guess. Ice sculpture? Rock? -What'd you do before this, anyway? Wait-- let me guess. Ice sculpture? Rock? I taught kindergarten. -I taught kindergarten. Ha ha. No, really. -Ha ha. No, really. It was a long time ago.- -Well, one thing's for sure. You could certainly lighten up. Why? -Why? Why? Well, it wouldn't hurt you to have a little more fun. I know I don't know you all that well, but-- -Why? Well, it wouldn't hurt you to have a little more fun. I know I don't know you all that well, but-- You don't know me at all. -You don't know me at all. Um-- Kay? -Kay, um... how, uh, fast does this thing actually go ... ? Let's see... that was second gear..Kay shifts into THIRD. Jay winces. -What? Something seem unusual to you about that? -Something seem unusual to you about that? Uh... you mean... a family of sixeyed, red-faced space creatures travelling to New Mexico to have dinner with their cousins, the invertebrates? Seemed pretty god damned ordinary to me. -Uh... you mean... a family of sixeyed, red-faced space creatures travelling to New Mexico to have dinner with their cousins, the invertebrates? Seemed pretty god damned ordinary to me. If it was just a meal, why did they have so much luggage? -If it was just a meal, why did they have so much luggage? I dunno. Maybe it was baby supplies, Kay starts the car, starts to pull a U-turn. -I dunno. Maybe it was baby supplies, Kay starts the car, starts to pull a U-turn. Let's check am out. -what's this? It's an Edna named after Zed's ex wife. All you do is at the target. The scope matches the image with the image on your retina. The barrel will find the target on its own. -Well, Mr. Intuition... When the neighbors report screaming and we hear nothing but silence, what does that lead you to believe? I guess it's simple, huh? They're either gone... or dead. -I guess it's simple, huh? They're either gone... or dead. Or someone has a nitrogenizer. -Or someone has a nitrogenizer. A what? -Now what? History's proven that where there's a nitrogenizer, there's a 12-legged signazoid. They use it to make our food digestible for their systems. -A signazoid's eleven thousand pounds. I think we'd know if held left. Then wouldn't we also know if he's here? -Then wouldn't we also know if he's here? Hold it. -He's a slimy little slithering scumwad is what he is. There's gotta be a hundred pawn shops in downtown Philadelphia. I take it there's a reason we're going to this one. -There's gotta be a hundred pawn shops in downtown Philadelphia. I take it there's a reason we're going to this one. There's a god damn good reason. -Something's wrong here. Gee. You really think? -Gee. You really think? Jeebs is eager to have me deport him. But would rather kill himself than go downtown. Why? -Jeebs is eager to have me deport him. But would rather kill himself than go downtown. Why? I dunno. Why did that family need all their luggage for a dinner?. -I dunno. Why did that family need all their luggage for a dinner?. Why did Mikey leave Nazca? -Why did Mikey leave Nazca? And what's this ... ? -And what's this ... ? What? -Looks like a train ticket. Where to? -What's going on, Kay? I don't want to rattle you, but Dee was here for the War of the Worlds. -I don't want to rattle you, but Dee was here for the War of the Worlds. The radio show? -The radio show? No. The aliens organized, all of them, and tried a coup. They made it seem like a radio show afterwards. -No. The aliens organized, all of them, and tried a coup. They made it seem like a radio show afterwards. You think that's what's-happening? -You think that's what's-happening? I think that's what's happening... -Ernie Goose? Cynthia? That's the Loch Ness Monster. And... Kay-- that's... 444-Eyes? -Jesus... Get back in the car! -Jesus Christ... We're rising. -Where's it coming? Where's he landing? The Pentagon. -"""Perhaps we shoulld take a lesson from our dinosaurs...""" I dunno, man. Maybe we should. -Oh, yeah? Fill us in, why don't you. What if he's telling the truth? -What if he's telling the truth? You know something? I actually never think of that. I gotta get some coffee. -Kay-- Hang on. There's gotta be something on this guy. Did you contact the Alliance? Do they have anything? -He's here to help!? Yes. Well, in his own mind, yeah. What if, from his point of view, he is? -Yes. Well, in his own mind, yeah. What if, from his point of view, he is? How does that help me? -How does that help me? Well... if you think about it, then it would mean that maybe everything he's saying is true. -Great. Fine. Listen, why don't we call the pentagon, maybe they'll take you back with the new age well wishers. I'll stay here and go extinct with the dinosaurs. Kay. All I'm saying-- -Kay. All I'm saying-- I know what you're saying. And I'm telling you I don't trust him-- -I know what you're saying. And I'm telling you I don't trust him-- I know you don't trust him. You don't trust anybody-- -I know you don't trust him. You don't trust anybody-- Cause I've been doing this thirty years and if I don't know when something doesn't feel right by now-- -Cause I've been doing this thirty years and if I don't know when something doesn't feel right by now-- That's my point. For thirty years you've been looking through things and under things and behind things. Well what I'm saying is maybe this is a time where you should look right at things. He said our enemy in already here. Well maybe it is. Maybe our enemy is, literally, already here. -What are you doing? Everything left the planet, right? Except one thing. That little insect-- the one we found in Sudbury. Did it leave when everything else left? -Since how long? Since as long as we've been keeping records... -Maybe they didn't get here. Maybe they've been here. For how long? -We saw it in the office. It went from this big... to big... in a day. Well, if the bugs have hatched, and they're not here... then where are they? -It's marble. All of it? -Would you call this a code 100? I'd double it and add 20. -I'm going to try and cut him off at the hotel. You guys get to the Memorial. Keep this stuff hidden. The last thing we need is some over-zealous Secret Service twirp to... Do his job. -Do his job. Right. Oh, and here. -Wow... this one's cool. And it looks just like a shotgun. Actually, it is a shotgun. Hold onto it-- -Actually, it is a shotgun. Hold onto it-- in case I need it? -in case I need it? In case I need it. -Do IT! SHOOT HIM! Kay!? -You were saying? Getting eaten!? That was your plan!? -After I got the shit beat out of me! And I almost got digested. It goes with the job. -And I almost got digested. It goes with the job. You coulda told me what you were doing. -You coulda told me what you were doing. There wasn't time, sport! -Who's she gonna tell, anyway? She only hangs out with dead people. Not her. Me. They're beautiful, aren't they? The stars. I never just look anymore and they're beautiful. -Not her. Me. They're beautiful, aren't they? The stars. I never just look anymore and they're beautiful. Kay, you're scaring your partner. -Kay, you're scaring your partner. I haven't been training a partner -- I've been training a replacement. -I haven't been training a partner -- I've been training a replacement. Oh no, I can't do this job by myself. -I'm just wondering what's so great out there that everyone's trying to get to it? Or what's no horrible down here that everyone's trying to avoid It? -Or what's no horrible down here that everyone's trying to avoid It? Why does it feel like the only thing scarier than having a bunch of aliens on the planet... is having then leave the planet? -Yeah. His dream and our worst nightmare. You know, there's something we never really thought of... -Sure. Me, too. I feel a long day coming on. -I put word out-- you know how long it takes to get the signals across. Kay. Seriously. What if he actually means what he says? -So, I guess you could say you're really into insects... Actually, they disgust me. But that's what I love about them. Like a car wrack, you know, how you shouldn't look, but you always pull over and watch real close, or even pretend you're a reporter so you can get even closer and take pictures? -Or when someone has a hideous birthmark and all you do is stare. I really like that. Let the other girls have the guys like you. Chiseled jaw, perfect nose, quirky dimples. I find you all so boring. I'd prefer if you were just a little more blunt. -So... how'd you hear about this? Oh, yeah, well, you know. I'm a big fan. I've read all your work. -Oh, yeah, well, you know. I'm a big fan. I've read all your work. Yeah, right. Even I can barely read all my work. -Right, right-- I like that stuff. With exclusionary frecto-inhibitors? -With exclusionary frecto-inhibitors? Exactly. I very much enjoy that. -Exactly. I very much enjoy that. Do have any idea what I just said? -Once-- just once-- I thought I'd made the discovery of a lifetime... Actually, you may have. -It's hard to find. It's an old civil war cemetery. Nobody ever goes there. So... what is it you say you do? I guess you could say we're entopologists of a sort. -I guess you could say we're entopologists of a sort. I don't think so. I mean, him, he could be a scientist, maybe. But you... Exterminator, I'd understand. But entopolgist? No way. -I don't think so. I mean, him, he could be a scientist, maybe. But you... Exterminator, I'd understand. But entopolgist? No way. Why not? -Why not? Well, first of all, it's entomologist. -I swear to God, that was not here two days ago... What is it? -What is it? It's the most amazing insect nest I've ever seen. And I'll tell you one thing, it sure as hell ain't the Andean Mollatoosa. -It's the most amazing insect nest I've ever seen. And I'll tell you one thing, it sure as hell ain't the Andean Mollatoosa. But it's definitely a nest, isn't it? -But it's definitely a nest, isn't it? Man, hey-- maybe you are an entopologist after all. -When? It would've had to have been recently-- within a few weeks. -It would've had to have been recently-- within a few weeks. So... how did they get here? -What do we do? What do we do? Lean into it. -What do we do? Lean into it. What the hell does that mean? -What the hell does that mean? Actually... I don't know. -Is it my eyes... or is that thing a little... Out of focus? -Okay. If you've got a bug problem-a big one. And they're swarming and there's no way to shoot them all individually... how do you get rid of them? The only thing I could think of would be... you'd have to get rid of the queen. -The only thing I could think of would be... you'd have to get rid of the queen. What if you have the foggiest clue as to where the queen is? -What if you have the foggiest clue as to where the queen is? Are you sure you don't? -What are you doing? They respond to fear, right? -They respond to fear, right? Yeah ... ? -Yeah ... ? Well I'm going to give them something to be afraid of. -What a coincidence, cause I was just thinking about you, too, Jack. Recognize this? No. -No. Maybe you need a closer look. -The kid looked desperate. I figured... You figured what? -You figured what? I figured it didn't matter. It's my last day of business. I was wrong. I'm sorry. Hey, look what I got for you-- a free-floating plasma pad? --One of the good ones, too, with zoids. -Your licence is revoked. Permanently. I understand. I understand, thank you. --How about a transmographic dexahydrochlorophallomixaloosalyser? -And I'm arranging deportation papers. Yes. Yes, that's eminently fair of you. -Yes. Yes, that's eminently fair of you. And I'm bringing you in and locking you up until you tell me-- -Let's go, Jeebs. Downtown. You're not taking me in! -Pardon me. I hate to break up this lovely little group hug, but we people aren't ready for what we have. How is this going to help? How could it not? -How could it not? Why don't you ask the Mosebacke? Brazil. Until 44 years ago they ate with their hands, lived in huts, and didn't even know the rest of the world existed. 44 years ago a well intentioned missionary gave them a fork. Today, they don't exist. -Why don't you ask the Mosebacke? Brazil. Until 44 years ago they ate with their hands, lived in huts, and didn't even know the rest of the world existed. 44 years ago a well intentioned missionary gave them a fork. Today, they don't exist. Come on now. People are smart. -Come on now. People are smart. No-- a Person is smart. People are dumb. And the more people you put together, the dumber they get. And you know that. -Not bad. Briliiant, actually. You come unarmed, and alone. Cause your army's been growing underground for what? 100 years? 150? Give or take. It was right around your civil war, I think, when I was here last. We were waiting till your planet was warm enough. -Goodwill... Most entirely. Earth has been overrun with an infestation of a species which, in order for the planet to survive, must be exterminated. -Nowhere. Nowhere, huh? odd you'd get all dressed up like that just to be going nowhere. -Er. well, nowhere special. I don't believe you, Mikey. And you know why I don't believe you? Cause last time you said that you and your pals left eight dozen empty beer cans on the other side of the moon. -I don't believe you, Mikey. And you know why I don't believe you? Cause last time you said that you and your pals left eight dozen empty beer cans on the other side of the moon. Yeah, wall, you know, I was just going there... to pick then up. -Oh yeah? Well if you're suddenly such a good samaritan, why didn't you file a departure report, like you're supposed to? You know how many rules you've just broken? I dunno. One? -I dunno. One? Try seven. From unauthorized mobilization to appearing unconcealed before a resident. You wanna tell me what's going on? Huh? -Try seven. From unauthorized mobilization to appearing unconcealed before a resident. You wanna tell me what's going on? Huh? It's... coming. -It's... coming. What are you talking about, it's coming? What's coming? -So... now what? Cattle call again? "We've got about eight or nine prospects I want you look--" -"We've got about eight or nine prospects I want you look--" Yeah, I'll talk to you. -... recent landings within a hundred mile radius of Sudbury, Virginia? Nothing. -Nothing. Nothing at all? Now? Last month? Anything in the last few years? -Nothing at all? Now? Last month? Anything in the last few years? Nope. Nothing at all. -I know what this is. Zed, you in? Yeah, Kay? -Yeah, Kay? Did our friend announce when he's making his speech? -Did our friend announce when he's making his speech? Noon exactly. -Noon exactly. Did he say where? -Did he say where? Actually, yeah-- -Actually, yeah-- Wouldn't happen to be the Lincoln Memorial, would it? -Wouldn't happen to be the Lincoln Memorial, would it? How'd you know that? Kay? -How'd you know that? Kay? Cause I think we're looking at it. -Listen to me. You're holding something very very dangerous. You've just iced 350 of your pals-- They're not my pals-- -They're not my pals-- They're not even gonna be your enemie-a if you don't give that to me really soon. -They're not even gonna be your enemie-a if you don't give that to me really soon. What if I don't? -What if I don't? In about 10 seconds they're gonna start losing brain cells at the rate of about a million a minute. -In about 10 seconds they're gonna start losing brain cells at the rate of about a million a minute. Will it lower the curve? -Will it lower the curve? I don't think it's a tradeoff you really want to make. Now give it to me-- I can reverse the effects if you give it to me now. -I don't think it's a tradeoff you really want to make. Now give it to me-- I can reverse the effects if you give it to me now. I wanna make a deal. -Found it. Tell us the truth. You don't just find these things, at least not in this neighborhood. -Tell us the truth. You don't just find these things, at least not in this neighborhood. I promised I wouldn't tell. -I just wanted to scare em. So I go in to buy a starter's pistol-- you know, the kind they use at track meets that shoot blanks-- and this guy, he said if I really wanted to mess with with them, he had just the thing... This guy. Where was he? -We're from Scientific American. We read about your discovery. We'd like to take a look. Scientific American? Really? -This it? Yeah. Nov I know it looks normal, but watch this. -I mean, I dunno. I've seen insects with really great camoflauge ability. But never like this. May I have a look? -We're with the immigration and Naturalization Service, Intergalactic Bureau. We monitor all-alien activity in and around Earth and its enveloping atmosphere. Come again? -Hmnn... wall, it's funny, cause usually I'm not all that attracted to stupid guys, but-- But, unfortunately, you're even less attracted to guys you've never seen before. -We need to talk to you about the alien. The what? -Which way? Seriously. I'm not going any further until you tell who you are. -Really nice wheels, by the way. Wait-- listen-- -How's Dee? Fine. Good. -Jupiter, actually. well, one of the moons. So whattya say, kid? You in or out? -Kay? What's your 20? Highway 119, just west of Smith. Why? -Highway 119, just west of Smith. Why? I need you in Philadelphia. I got a code 90, in a-high school. -I need you in Philadelphia. I got a code 90, in a-high school. What the hell is going on? -He's gone, too. What about the other agents? Ella? Tee? -What about the other agents? Ella? Tee? Elle's up in Portland-- three of her charges left visibly at a Trailblazers game. Shots got a lot to mop up. Tee says his Shanghai quadrasectionals haven't been around since morning. -Even that little bug you found in Sudbury seems to have taken off. Jesus, everyone's moving. Could be an assembly. Does it look aggressive? -Jesus, everyone's moving. Could be an assembly. Does it look aggressive? Hard to tell. I hope not. -Hard to tell. I hope not. Keep an eye on things there. We'll see what we can find out at Ernie Goosels. -They're gone. Dee? What are you doing here? -I'm getting a trajectory... What do we have? Are we showing anything? -And they're buying it? They went right to the President. -They went right to the President. They went to the President? Directly? THEY WENT OVER OUR HEADS? -As far as I can tell, the guy's what he says he is - alone, and unarmed. All he wants is five minutes to introduce himself to the public. Where's he making his big speech? -Where's he making his big speech? They haven't announced it yet. All I know is we're in motion for the most watched media event in history. -Well, it wasn't in the jar... Did it leave? -Did it leave? Actually, I don't know... -Actually, I don't know... Oh shit! -Yeah? What's up? I got a planet check on that bug. It's from way the hell out in the third belt. it's organic, formed in the same blast that made our solar system. -And get this: you know how humans evolved from primates? Well guess what the dominant life form on planet evolved from? Don't tell me. Insects. -How'd you know? Just a guess. But I think found a nest. -Now, what are we looking at? Keys. Look at them all. Why do we have them? Mr. President? Well, uh... so we can got into things, I guess. -Well, uh... so we can got into things, I guess. That's why you have doors, Mr. President. Keys, however, are to lock the doors. And locks, as you know, are to keep people out. Why? Fear. You humans are afraid. So you set up boundaries. Borders. Your car. Your home. Your country. All the while your true enemy could very well be considered already here among you. Well I am here to let that enemy go. Because there's a border you didn't even know existed. It's the border to the Universe. And unlike your other borders, you humans didn't set this border up to keep other planets from you. It was set up by others, to keep you away from them. Until now. Because I have been sent here to open the door. To present you, so to speak, with the key to the universe. -Why, you might ask? Because you're ready. Because you've finally gone as far as you can go without it. If I may, sir... what exactly are you offering? -If I may, sir... what exactly are you offering? A good question. And a simple answer. No more hunger. No more smog. No more overpopulation. No more war. -A good question. And a simple answer. No more hunger. No more smog. No more overpopulation. No more war. And I assume you're bringing this to us because we're the most powerful country on the planet... -And I assume you're bringing this to us because we're the most powerful country on the planet... That and, well... I want my friends to see me on CNN. Okay, I will admit it: ours is an illegal hookup. We'll gladly pay when you can get your trucks out to install it. -Wally! Can you see? -I'm sorry, but I need your help. You contain information. I need to know how to get it. Can you just tell me who Leo Crow is? Can you tell me if -- Is it now? -Is it now? What? -What? Is it now? -What? They're inside. -They're inside. Who? -Take it. Agatha... -Agatha -- Can you see the balloon man? -Can you see the balloon man? What? -Drop some money. Forget that guy -- -Forget that guy -- Do it. Right here. On the ground. -No. Follow him. He'll turn around. -He'll turn around. He won't. -Agatha... Wait. -He's here. Anderton, leave. -I can't. I have to know. Please -- -Please -- I have to find out what happened to my life. Agatha. I'm not going to kill the man. I don't even know him. -Oh, God... What is it? -Every day for the last six years I've thought about only two things. The first was what my son would look like if he were alive today. If I would even recognize him if I saw him on the street. The second was what I would do to the man who took him. Anderton -- -Anderton -- You were right. I'm not being set up. -Please, I want to go back... I can't leave. You said so yourself, there is no Minority Report. I don't have an alternative future. -I can't leave. You said so yourself, there is no Minority Report. I don't have an alternative future. But you still have a choice. The others never had a chance to see their future. You did. -Where are we going? Someplace safe. -Someplace safe. I have to go back. -I have to go back. Why? -Why? The other two will die without me. -The other two will die without me. You want to spend the rest of your life in the temple? -I always wondered what the world would be like. But now that I've seen it, I don't need to see any more. It's all right. Once I'm in the tank, I won't remember any of this. Agatha, you're never going back there. -Agatha, you're never going back there. I am going back. I see myself there. -Can't you see? She just wanted her little girl back. Who wanted her little girl back? -Who wanted her little girl back? The drowning woman. Anne... But it was too late. Her little girl was already gone. -The drowning woman. Anne... But it was too late. Her little girl was already gone. She died? -She died? She grew up. -She grew up. She's still alive? -She's not alive, but she didn't die. Oh, Jesus... -I'm sorry, John, but you have to run again. What -- -What -- RUN! --- but he didn't. Then who was he? -Then who was he? Just some guy... they found. -Just some guy... they found. Found? Where? -Found? Where? Somewhere. -Think, John. Why would they set you up? Because I found out about her... -Because I found out about her... About who? -About who? Anne Lively... -I'm so sorry... I just want him back... I want him back so bad... I know... I do, too... -John? What is it? How did I not see this? Agatha, who killed you mother? Who killed Anne Lively? -Don't worry. I could cut open your chest, sew a dead cat in there and you'd never get an infection. Not with the spectrum of antibios I'll be shooting into you. That's comforting. -That's comforting. You do understand I can't just give you new irises. The scanners will read the scar tissue. Alarms will go off. Large men with guns will appear... -You do understand I can't just give you new irises. The scanners will read the scar tissue. Alarms will go off. Large men with guns will appear... Right. I know -- -Anesthesia. Try to relax, John. I'm saying I'll have to remove your eyes. Completely. Yeah -- -Yeah -- And replace them with new ones. -And replace them with new ones. I know that, but I wanna keep the old ones. -I know that, but I wanna keep the old ones. Why? -Why? Because my mother gave them to me. What do you care? They're no good to you on the secondary market anyway. -Because my mother gave them to me. What do you care? They're no good to you on the secondary market anyway. Whatever you say, John. -That's not much. It's all I could safely move. -It's all I could safely move. Tell you what, since you and I go way back, I'll give you my Old Pal discount. How's that sound? -You don't remember me, do you? We know each other? -We know each other? Oh, yes. -From where? D.C.? Baltimore. Eastside. Solomon P. Eddie M.D. I was a plastic surgeon. -I put you away -- Yes, you did. -Yes, you did. You made those tapes... -You made those tapes... They were performance pieces. -They were performance pieces. You set your patients on fire! -You set your patients on fire! And put them out. Some not as quickly as others, but let's change the subject, shall we? The future is much more interesting than the past. Don't you think? -So uh, if you were a plastic surgeon before... How can I do what I do now? Let's just say I spent a lot of time in the prison library. -There's food in the refrigerator. Make sure you drink a lot of water. How do I find the -- -How do I find the -- Here -- -It goes from the bathroom to the kitchen. I can't even stand up -- -I can't even stand up -- I know you're in a hurry, so I juiced up the nano-reconstruction around your new eyes. -I know you're in a hurry, so I juiced up the nano-reconstruction around your new eyes. The nano... what? -The nano... what? Organic microbots that reconstruct the nerves and blood vessels. It'll feel like fleas chewing on your eyeballs. But whatever you do, don't scratch. -I'm setting up a timer. When it goes off tomorrow, take off your bandages and get the hell out of here. But not before then, or you'll -- -- go blind. I know. -You the sentry? Yes, sir. I'm Gideon. The music relaxes the prisoners. -I don't ever see any of you precops down here, I'm not in trouble am I? No, you're not in trouble. I'm interested in a murder. -No, you're not in trouble. I'm interested in a murder. Kill type? -Kill type? Drowning. -Victim's a white female. This about the Justice Department? They laid on a tour for tomorrow a.m. Told me to wear a tie. You like this one? -That's an old one. One of our first. This is the official composite of the three precogs? -This is the official composite of the three precogs? That's right. It's a combined data stream based on all three previsions. -That's right. It's a combined data stream based on all three previsions. Show me just Agatha's data stream. -Show me just Agatha's data stream. For that, we have to go for a ride. -You the only sentry? I work graveyard, swing and day all by my lonesome. -Hence the expression... ... Graveyard shift. -... Graveyard shift. "Not to mention, ""Saved by the bell""." -Why's he still a John Doe? Why wasn't he ever ID's from an EYEscan? On account of those are not his eyes. He had 'em swapped out to fool the scanners. -Huh, we don't seem to have her data. Try again. -Try again. No... we have the two previsions from the twins right here, but... ... I can't pull up any data from the female. Probably just a glitch. -"Hey, you wanna know where the word came from, ""glitch?""" Just tell me about the intended victim. This Anne Lively... -Looks like she was a neuroin addict like John Doe here, but I show an address history that includes the Beaton Clinic. So she cleaned up. Where is she now? -You're part of my flock now, John. Welcome. Lara -- -Lara -- It's actually kind of a rush. They say you get visions; that your life flashes before your eyes. That all your dreams come true. -Tell me not to worry, John. Don't worry, Lamar. -Don't worry, Lamar. The nation votes this week... -Which makes this the worst possible time to show that we're only human. Uh-huh... -Uh-huh... Has the observer from Justice shown up yet? -Has the observer from Justice shown up yet? Hang on, Lamar -- -And this is exactly the kind of behavior that will give them an excuse to do it. Lamar, I'm sorry. I don't know what -- -Lamar, I'm sorry. I don't know what -- Don't apologize, John. -You understand that a week from now people are going to vote on whether or not what we've been doing down here has been some noble-minded enterprise or a chance to change the way this country fights crime. I understand. Sir. -I need you to do two things for me. One, watch Danny Witwer. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. You can let him look around, answer his questions, but watch him. If there's any problems, make sure we know about it first. -You can let him look around, answer his questions, but watch him. If there's any problems, make sure we know about it first. I understand. What's the other thing? -I understand. What's the other thing? Tuck in your shirt. -And you say the third prevision was, what, a little fuzzy or something? I'm saying the third prevision wasn't there. And that's not all. I spent a few hours down there and it turns out there's a dozen more cases with missing previsions. -Danny Witwer is scheduled for a tour of Containment tomorrow -- So give him a tour. He doesn't know enough to ask the right questions. -So give him a tour. He doesn't know enough to ask the right questions. If he's looking for a flaw in the system -- -If he's looking for a flaw in the system -- He's not. He's looking for a flaw in us, John. -Lara called me. What? -What? She's worried about you. And, quite frankly, so am I. -She's worried about you. And, quite frankly, so am I. I'm fine. -I'm fine. I hear you've been spending a lot of time in the sprawl. -I hear you've been spending a lot of time in the sprawl. I go running down there. -I go running down there. In the middle of the night? -What if Danny Witwer came to you right now and insisted on a full chem run? I'm fine, Lamar. -You understand, John, that the minute Precrime goes national, they're going to take it away from us. We won't let them. -We won't let them. No? How's an old man and a cop on the whiff ever going to stop them? -Just so you know, I've overridden the vehicle locator. I just wanted to talk to you before Justice -- Justice already knows. Talk to me, John. Tell me what's happening? -Justice already knows. Talk to me, John. Tell me what's happening? This is all Witwer. He's setting me up. -This is all Witwer. He's setting me up. Stop. Just wait. Who's the victim? -Stop. Just wait. Who's the victim? Somebody named Leo Crow. -Somebody named Leo Crow. And who the hell is that? -And who the hell is that? I have no idea. I've never heard of him. But I'm supposed to kill him in less than thirty-six hours. -I have no idea. I've never heard of him. But I'm supposed to kill him in less than thirty-six hours. All right, John, just take a breath, let's think about this... -All right, John, just take a breath, let's think about this... I'm out of breath! I'm a fucking fugitive! -I'm out of breath! I'm a fucking fugitive! Then come to my house. We'll talk -- -Then come to my house. We'll talk -- I can't. They're following me right now. They'll meet me there. They'll halo me. -I can't. They're following me right now. They'll meet me there. They'll halo me. How could Witwer have accessed the case file? -How could Witwer have accessed the case file? Can you fake the cerebral output? -Can you fake the cerebral output? We're years from that. John, I'm asking you: please, come in, we'll shut down the system until we get this thing figured out. -We're years from that. John, I'm asking you: please, come in, we'll shut down the system until we get this thing figured out. You know I can't do that. You can't do that... Lamar, I need you to talk to Wally, see if Witwer's gone inside the temple again. Then ask Jad for any off hour EYEdents into the analytical room -- -You know I can't do that. You can't do that... Lamar, I need you to talk to Wally, see if Witwer's gone inside the temple again. Then ask Jad for any off hour EYEdents into the analytical room -- John. Just tell me, who's Leo Crow? -John. Please. Listen to me -- I'm not getting halo'd. -I'm not getting halo'd. You can't run -- -You can't run -- Everybody runs. -John -- I just wanted to congratulate you. You did it. You've created a world without murder. So what if you had to kill someone to do it. -People want to believe in the system. That's the beauty of it... Beauty? The precogs don't even always agree with each other! -No doubt the Precogs have already seen this. No doubt. -No doubt. Then go ahead, pull the trigger. -Seventeen minutes. Armor up -- sick-sticks and concussion guns -- this is gonna be close. -Chief, the investigator from the Fed is here. You're kidding, that's today? -You're kidding, that's today? I wrote it down in your calendar, then left a message at your house -- -I wrote it down in your calendar, then left a message at your house -- All I need, some twink from the Fed poking around right now. Check again with the paper, they had it forwarded. See if the neighbors know where they went, check all relations -- -All I need, some twink from the Fed poking around right now. Check again with the paper, they had it forwarded. See if the neighbors know where they went, check all relations -- Uh, sir... -Uh, sir... Get him some coffee and tell him to wait outside. -"What he's doing now, we call ""scrubbing the image"", looking for clues as to where the murder's going to happen." The brick has been repointed, the glass is original with new glazing bars. I show composite mouldings with dentils. Someone took care in the renovation. Let's find the architect... -The brick has been repointed, the glass is original with new glazing bars. I show composite mouldings with dentils. Someone took care in the renovation. Let's find the architect... Victims are pronounced here. Killers here. We never touch anything. -Victims are pronounced here. Killers here. We never touch anything. I show a cop on horseback. -Don't run, Chief. You know we'll catch you. You trained us. Everybody runs. -Everybody runs. You don't have to do this, Chief. -You don't have to do this, Chief. You don't have to chase me, Fletcher. -Okay, Jad, what's coming? Red Ball -- double homicide: one male, one female. Killer's male, white, 40's. -We need confirmation on the time frame. Location still uncertain. Remote witnesses are hooked in... Case #1108, previsualized by the Precogs and recorded on holoshpere by Precrime's q-stacks. My fellow witnesses for case #1108 are Dr. Katherine James and Chief Justice Frank Pollard. -We can't grab it... Run the subscription list... -Got him in the Foxhall. 4421 Gainsborough. Send a DCPD blue & white out there, set up a perimeter and tell 'em we're en route. What's our confirmed time? -Send a DCPD blue & white out there, set up a perimeter and tell 'em we're en route. What's our confirmed time? From solar position, Trig & Image confirms it at approximately eight oh-four a.m. -Somewhere near the capital? No maglev system. -No maglev system. The mall? -The mall? Georgetown. -Look at the kid. In this one, he's on the left of the man in the suit. Yeah? So? -Yeah? So? Now look at him... -Go ahead. Did he close the front door? -Did he close the front door? What? -What? Did Marks close the front door?! -You guys are nodding your heads like you actually know what the hell he's talking about. Come on, Chief, you think about it, the way we work -- changing destiny and all -- we're more like clergy than cops. -Come on, Chief, you think about it, the way we work -- changing destiny and all -- we're more like clergy than cops. Uh-huh. Jad? -Uh-huh. Jad? Sir? -Sir? Go back to work. All of you. -Jad. How come you're not out there with Father Witwer? We're in motion on something. -Red Ball? Nope. Somebody's thinking about this one. -Nope. Somebody's thinking about this one. Amazing there's someone within two hundred miles actually dumb enough to still do that. -The victim's name is Leo Crow. Start a location run and a contact search for future victim Leo Crow. And, Jad, I'll need a Last Known Sheet when you get it. -Start a location run and a contact search for future victim Leo Crow. And, Jad, I'll need a Last Known Sheet when you get it. I've got no address -- last known or otherwise -- no tax returns for the last five years. -I've got no address -- last known or otherwise -- no tax returns for the last five years. Check NCIC, maybe he's got a record. Then send a protection team as soon as we lock the location. -I show time of occurrence, Friday at fifteen-zero-six hours. That was easy. -Confirm with trig and image. Any ID on the shooter yet? -Any ID on the shooter yet? Still scrubbing... looks like there's a third party, somebody wearing shades just out the window... -Uh, yeah, you mind getting me a piece of that cake they're eating down there? I'm starving. Sure, Chief. I think I'll grab one for myself while I'm at it... -Sure, Chief. I think I'll grab one for myself while I'm at it... Take your time. -I'm sorry Danny, but I'll have to give you the full tour later on. Your secretaries were all kind enough to give me a look around the office... -As I recall, they outlawed compression firearms in the District ten years ago. They did. Make yourself comfortable. We'll be back in an hour. -They did. Make yourself comfortable. We'll be back in an hour. You mind if I tag along? -But it's not the future if you stop it. Isn't that a fundamental paradox? Yes, it is. -Why did you catch that? Because it was going to fall. -Because it was going to fall. You're certain? -You're certain? Yes. -Yes. But it didn't fall. You caught it. -The fact that you prevented it from happening doesn't change the fact that it was going to happen. You ever get any false positives? Someone intends to kill his boss or his wife, but they never go through with it. How do the precogs tell the difference? -You ever get any false positives? Someone intends to kill his boss or his wife, but they never go through with it. How do the precogs tell the difference? The Precogs don't see what you intend to do, only what you will do. -The Precogs don't see what you intend to do, only what you will do. Then why can't they see rapes, or assaults... or suicides? -It was Iris Hineman. She developed the Precogs, designed the system and pioneered the interface. Speaking of interfacing, I'd love to say hello. -Speaking of interfacing, I'd love to say hello. To Hineman? -To them. Cops aren't allowed inside the temple. -Cops aren't allowed inside the temple. Really? You've never been inside? -Really? You've never been inside? We keep a strict separation so that no one can accuse us of tampering. -We keep a strict separation so that no one can accuse us of tampering. So I'll be the first one to go in then? -So I'll be the first one to go in then? Maybe you didn't hear me. -Maybe you didn't hear me. If it's a question of authority. -If it's a question of authority. There's no question. You don't have any. -There's no question. You don't have any. I have a warrant in my pocket that says different. -I find it interesting that some people have begun to deify the precogs. The precogs are pattern recognition filters, nothing more. -The precogs are pattern recognition filters, nothing more. "But you call this room the ""temple""." -"But you call this room the ""temple""." Just a nickname. -Just a nickname. The oracle isn't where the power is anyway. The power's always been with the priests. Even if they had to invent the oracle. -Sorry. Old habit. I spent three years at Fuller Seminary before I became a cop. My father was a minister. Lutheran. What does he think of your chosen line of work? -What does he think of your chosen line of work? I don't know. He was shot and killed when I was fourteen on the steps of his church in Bethesda. -At least now you -- and I -- have the chance to make sure that kind of thing doesn't happen to anyone ever again. Why don't you cut the cute act, Danny, and tell me exactly what it is you're looking for? -Why don't you cut the cute act, Danny, and tell me exactly what it is you're looking for? Flaws. -Flaws. There hasn't been a murder in six years. There's nothing wrong with the system. It's perfect. -There hasn't been a murder in six years. There's nothing wrong with the system. It's perfect. I agree. The system is perfect. If there's a flaw, it's human. It always is. Thank you for the tour, Wally. -You set me up... I'll write the paranoia off to the whiff you been doping on all night. -It seems I've found a flaw, John You. You gonna tell on me? -You gonna tell on me? Possession alone will cost you six months, not to mention your badge. -I can't touch you! And John, you can't be in here! You'll confuse them! Wally. This is Danny Witwer. He's from Justice and we're to give him a full run of the farm. -They're not in any pain. We keep their heads pretty well stocked with dopamine and endorphins. Plus, we maintain careful control over their serotonin levels -- don't want 'em to drift off to sleep, but they can't be kept too awake either. It helps if you don't think of them as human. -Her pituitary dumped a week's worth into her system... What did you do to her? Nothing... she grabbed me, and then there was an image on the screen... -Nothing... she grabbed me, and then there was an image on the screen... She grabbed you? Impossible. The Precogs aren't even aware of us. In the milk all they see is the future. -She was looking right at me. It could have been a nightmare... Sometimes they dream about the old murders. -She spoke to me. To you? I don't think so... What'd she say? -To you? I don't think so... What'd she say? She said... -Wally, listen to me... Do I know you? Who are you? -I like you, Wally, so I'm not gonna kick you, or hit you with anything, but only if you promise to help me... Oh... Hi, John. -Are these all of her previsions? There's no way of knowing for sure. She could've forgotten whatever it is you're looking for... -Just go to the beginning! Okay. Fine. Where the hell is that? -Detective. Nice of you to come down here. Seeing as every cop in the world is looking for you right now. Jesus, what's up with your eye? I need your help. -I need your help. Well, hey, you didn't have to come all the way down here. For you, Chief, I make housecalls... -Well, hey, you didn't have to come all the way down here. For you, Chief, I make housecalls... I need help with her. -I need help with her. Well, hello there, honey-pie. -I'm impressed, Anderton. You're on the lam, but you still got the time and energy to slice off a little jerky for yourself. Rufus. She's a precog. -Rufus. She's a precog. She's a precog? -She's a precog? That's right. -Are you reading my mind right now? Rufus, for Christ's sake, get up. -Rufus, for Christ's sake, get up. I'm sorry for whatever I'm gonna do! And I swear, I didn't do any of the stuff I did! -She's got information inside of her. I need you to get it out. No. No way. I wouldn't even know where to begin! Those thoughts about my cousin Elena -- they were just thoughts. I would never -- -No. No way. I wouldn't even know where to begin! Those thoughts about my cousin Elena -- they were just thoughts. I would never -- C'mon, Rufus, you've been busted twice for felony hacking. -C'mon, Rufus, you've been busted twice for felony hacking. So? -So? So now I need you to hack into her. -I tell you what. I do this, I get to keep whatever images I get from her head. They don't belong to anybody. -They don't belong to anybody. Then take her to Radio Shack. -Stop -- Tell me how. -What happened? Where's the rest? I guess that's all of it. -Rufus, play it back... Uh, I'll try... -I scored a goal! That's great. -I won! What a big boy. How old are you? -Four. Wow. What a big boy. I love you, Sean. I love you, too! I love you daddy. Love ya, dad. -Okay... now let me time you. Are you kidding? There's absolutely positively no way, on my best day, I could ever beat twelve seconds! -Are you kidding? There's absolutely positively no way, on my best day, I could ever beat twelve seconds! Come on! -Come on! All right, I'll try... -Sean -- you're not real. You gotta have faith, Dad. -You gotta have faith, Dad. It's a little late for that. -It's a little late for that. Wanna hear something funny? -Wanna hear something funny? What the hell. -What the hell. I lived for a year with a man who was pretending to be my father. He took me all over the world. -You're alive? No. He got tired of pretending. -No. He got tired of pretending. Oh, Sean -- -Oh, Sean -- The funny thing is, I started to believe he really was my Dad. -The funny thing is, I started to believe he really was my Dad. Sean -- -Sean -- I feel bad about that. I need you to forgive me. -I feel bad about that. I need you to forgive me. I forgive you. -I forgive you. Once I even told him I loved him. -Once I even told him I loved him. I forgive you... -I forgive you... The more you want to believe something, the easier it is to be fooled. -The more you want to believe something, the easier it is to be fooled. I was looking for you... -I was looking for you... I know that. I know you would have done anything to find me. I know you would have died for me. -I know that. I know you would have done anything to find me. I know you would have died for me. I wanted to. -I wanted to. Good-bye, Dad... -Who are you? I'm your son. I'm you. -I'm your son. I'm you. Sean, wait... -Sean, wait... Hold your breath, Dad... -Six years ago. Baltimore. You grabbed a kid at Francis public pool in the West End. Did I? I don't recall... I got lots of kids from that place -- -Do you know who I am? Some -- somebody's father? -Some -- somebody's father? His name was Sean. Six years ago. Francis pool. -... and that I needed his help. It wasn't so bad really. I sang him a song, made him laugh, bought him a pretzel. I took care of him. I made him happy. He's alive? -Where've you got him? Is he all right? Tell me, you fuck -- WHERE IS HE?! I put him in a barrel and sunk him in the bay. -It floated back up. I had to take him out and -- NO! -You're not gonna kill me? No. -But you have to. They said you would. The precogs were wrong. -The precogs were wrong. If you don't kill me, my family gets nothing! -You're supposed to kill me. He said you would. Who said I would? -Look, I've put my family through enough misery. You gotta kill me! This way I can leave 'em something. Crow. I'm not gonna kill you. -Crow. I'm not gonna kill you. Look, believe me, I know it's hard, but you gotta do it -- -Look, believe me, I know it's hard, but you gotta do it -- I'm asking you again, who made you do this? -I'm asking you again, who made you do this? I don't know -- I never saw his face. All I know is, the next day I was out, so the guy must've had juice somewhere. Look, man, you gotta go through with this. -I don't know -- I never saw his face. All I know is, the next day I was out, so the guy must've had juice somewhere. Look, man, you gotta go through with this. What the fuck is going on? -What about the picture -- Fake. He gave it to me. Now -- -- shoot me, Goddammit, before I lose my nerve! -Fake. He gave it to me. Now -- -- shoot me, Goddammit, before I lose my nerve! Tell me, who was it, set this up? -Tell me, who was it, set this up? If I tell you, my family gets nothing. -If I tell you, my family gets nothing. Who made you do this? -Who made you do this? Kill me! -Kill me! Tell me! -Let go of the gun. You're not gonna kill me... -You're not gonna kill me... Good-bye, Crow. -Something wrong? I'm a little dizzy... -Yes, I'm afraid that would be from the Doll's Eye. The what? -The what? The vine -- the Baneberry that scratched you during your illegal climb over my wall... -You have three minutes to tell me what you're doing here before I feed you to a few of my more predacious plants. I'm... not... a... killer. -Just what is it you think I can do for you? You can tell me how someone... could fake a prevision. -You can tell me how someone... could fake a prevision. And how would I know that? -What's so funny? If the unintended consequences of a series of genetic mistakes and science gone haywire can be called invention, then yes, I invented precrime. -If the unintended consequences of a series of genetic mistakes and science gone haywire can be called invention, then yes, I invented precrime. You don't seem all that proud. -You don't seem all that proud. I'm not. I was trying to heal them, not turn them into... something else. -I'm not. I was trying to heal them, not turn them into... something else. Heal who? -Heal who? The innocents we now use to stop the guilty. -The innocents we now use to stop the guilty. You're talking about the precogs... -You're talking about the precogs... You think the three in the tank come from a test tube? They're merely the ones who survived. -It began as play. A guessing game like you play with any toddler, except these children always guessed right. And then the nightmares started. They were all different, but all the same. They were all about murder. And the murders were all happening. And how did Lamar become involved? -And how did Lamar become involved? Back then, he was still a DA, and quite a few parents of my patients had passed through his courtroom. You have to understand, these people were the dregs of society. But once they saw their children... he decided he would do whatever he could for them. He's that way, you know, paternal about certain things. Precrime. The precogs. You. -Back then, he was still a DA, and quite a few parents of my patients had passed through his courtroom. You have to understand, these people were the dregs of society. But once they saw their children... he decided he would do whatever he could for them. He's that way, you know, paternal about certain things. Precrime. The precogs. You. You say some of the children died? -You say some of the children died? So many of them... despite what we did for them. Or maybe because of what we did to them. It doesn't matter. It's a perfect system now, isn't it? -So many of them... despite what we did for them. Or maybe because of what we did to them. It doesn't matter. It's a perfect system now, isn't it? I'm not a murderer. I've never even met the man I'm supposed to kill. -I'm not a murderer. I've never even met the man I'm supposed to kill. And, yet, a chain of events has started. A chain that will lead inexorably to his death. -And, yet, a chain of events has started. A chain that will lead inexorably to his death. Not if I stay away from him. -Not if I stay away from him. How can you avoid a man you've never met? -How can you avoid a man you've never met? So you won't help me? -So you won't help me? I can't help you. No one can. The Precogs are never wrong. -What? Most of the time, all three Precognitives will see an event in the same way. But once in a while, one of them will see things differently than the other two. -Most of the time, all three Precognitives will see an event in the same way. But once in a while, one of them will see things differently than the other two. Jesus Christ -- why didn't I know about this? -Jesus Christ -- why didn't I know about this? Because these Minority Reports are destroyed the instant they occur. -Because these Minority Reports are destroyed the instant they occur. Why? -Why? Obviously, for Precrime to function, there can't be any suggestion of fallibility. After all, what good is a Justice system that instills doubt? It may be reasonable, but it's still doubt. -You're saying that I've halo'd innocent people? I'm saying that every so often those accused of a precrime might, just might, have an alternate future. -I'm saying that every so often those accused of a precrime might, just might, have an alternate future. Does Burgess know about this? About the Minority Report? -Does Burgess know about this? About the Minority Report? I used to joke with Lamar that we were the mother and father of Precrime. Well, in my experience, parents often see their children as they want them to be, not as they are. -I used to joke with Lamar that we were the mother and father of Precrime. Well, in my experience, parents often see their children as they want them to be, not as they are. Answer my question. Did Lamar Burgess know about the Minority Report? -Answer my question. Did Lamar Burgess know about the Minority Report? Yes, of course, he knew, but at the time, he felt -- we both felt their existence was... an insignificant variable. -Yes, of course, he knew, but at the time, he felt -- we both felt their existence was... an insignificant variable. Insignificant to you maybe, but what about those people I put away with alternate futures? My God, if the country knew there was a chance they might not -- -Insignificant to you maybe, but what about those people I put away with alternate futures? My God, if the country knew there was a chance they might not -- The system would collapse. -The system would collapse. I believe in that system... -I believe in that system... Do you? Really? -You want to bring it down. But you will bring it down if you kill Leo Crow. Why, that will be the most spectacular public display of how Precrime... didn't work. -But you will bring it down if you kill Leo Crow. Why, that will be the most spectacular public display of how Precrime... didn't work. I'm not gonna kill anybody. -I'm not gonna kill anybody. Hold that thought. -Hold that thought. Why should I trust you? -Why should I trust you? You shouldn't. You shouldn't trust anyone... certainly not the Attorney General who wants it all for himself. Not the young federal agent who wants your job. Not even the old man who just wants to hang onto what he's created. Don't trust anyone. Just find the Minority Report. -You shouldn't. You shouldn't trust anyone... certainly not the Attorney General who wants it all for himself. Not the young federal agent who wants your job. Not even the old man who just wants to hang onto what he's created. Don't trust anyone. Just find the Minority Report. You said they're destroyed. -You said they're destroyed. I said the record is destroyed. The original report exists for all time. I designed the system so that whenever a report occurred, it would be stored in a safe place -- but not declared. -I said the record is destroyed. The original report exists for all time. I designed the system so that whenever a report occurred, it would be stored in a safe place -- but not declared. What safe place is that? -What safe place is that? The safest place of all. -Where? Inside the Precog who predicted it. All you have to do is download it. -Inside the Precog who predicted it. All you have to do is download it. That's all, huh? Just walk right into Precrime, go into the Temple, somehow tap into the Precogs, and then download this Minority Report... -That's all, huh? Just walk right into Precrime, go into the Temple, somehow tap into the Precogs, and then download this Minority Report... If... you have one. -If... you have one. -- and then walk out. --- and then walk out. Actually, I think you'll have to run out, but yes, that's what you have to do. -Actually, I think you'll have to run out, but yes, that's what you have to do. You're insane or you think I am. -I'll get EYEscanned a dozen times before I get within ten miles of Precrime. They'll pick me up... Sometimes in order to see the light, you have to risk the dark. -How do I even know which one has it? It's always in the more gifted of the three. -It's always in the more gifted of the three. Which one is that? -Which one is that? The female. -John? He's dead, Lara. -He's dead, Lara. Oh, God, what did you do? -Oh, God, what did you do? Nothing. I didn't kill him. -Nothing. I didn't kill him. Then how did he -- -Then how did he -- Lara, I don't know why this is happening. I just know they're setting me up. I can't trust anybody. I don't know who to talk to or where to go... Lara? Are you there? -This is all my fault. No, it isn't, Lamar. There was nothing anyone could do. -I haven't worn this damn thing in years. I just wanted to make sure it fits before tonight. You look great. -It's insanity around here. I thought you were retiring? -I thought you were retiring? I was, but this whole incident with John made me realize the fragility of what we've built here. This is John's legacy as much as mine and I want to protect that. -Who? Anne Lively. John was talking about her right before they took him. -Anne Lively. John was talking about her right before they took him. I don't know who that is. -"John said something about him being set up because he ""found out about her.""" We know why John was tagged. -We know why John was tagged. He also said Crow was a fake. -Lamar, do you know the reason why John came here to work with you? Sean -- -Sean -- No. That's what everyone thinks. John shot a man dead in Baltimore six months before. -I understand. No. I don't think you do. The other day, when he came to the cottage, he talked about a lot of things, but Danny Witwer, the man he was supposed to have just killed? He didn't mention him. He didn't say his name even once. -But I also know why he married you: you're as stubborn as he is. Lamar -- -Lamar -- All right. Tell you what I'll do. First thing Monday, I'll look over the Witwer evidence and I'll have Gideon run the Containment files, see if anyone drowned a woman named -- what did you say her name was? -All right. Tell you what I'll do. First thing Monday, I'll look over the Witwer evidence and I'll have Gideon run the Containment files, see if anyone drowned a woman named -- what did you say her name was? Anne Lively... But I never said she drowned. -The guy from USA Today is here. Tell him not now. -Tell him not now. He just wanted a few minutes before -- -He just wanted a few minutes before -- Not. Now. -Sir, the press conference is starting. I'll be right there. -Congratulations, sir. My God... -How did you get this? I padded your expense account for the last six months. -You have an emergency call on your private line. Thank you. This is Burgess. -He came to see you yesterday. Right before he got tagged. What did you talk about? The Mets. John doesn't think they've got a deep enough pitching roster this year, and I'm inclined to agree. -The Mets. John doesn't think they've got a deep enough pitching roster this year, and I'm inclined to agree. Why are you protecting him? You knew he was doping, yet you did nothing about it. -Why are you protecting him? You knew he was doping, yet you did nothing about it. The man lost a child, for Christ's sake... -The man lost a child, for Christ's sake... Six years ago. What did you two talk about yesterday afternoon? -Six years ago. What did you two talk about yesterday afternoon? None of your damn business. -None of your damn business. Oh, it's all my damn business now, Lamar. Investigation of a supervising office for a capital crime falls under federal jurisdiction... so as to rule out any possibility of conspiracy. He's my suspect. -Oh, it's all my damn business now, Lamar. Investigation of a supervising office for a capital crime falls under federal jurisdiction... so as to rule out any possibility of conspiracy. He's my suspect. He's my subordinate! -Shall we call the Attorney General? I'm sure he'd be happy to clarify the issue for you. I don't want John Anderton hurt. -Lamar, I found something. What? -What? I don't wanna say over the phone, but I think we may be chasing the wrong man. -I don't wanna say over the phone, but I think we may be chasing the wrong man. Where are you? -Good God. What was that? Wait, just a second... -He told me about this. You got this from Containment? Yes. This is from the twins, Arthur and Dashiel. Agatha's stream was missing. Now this one is from the cyberparlor. Anderton downloaded it directly from Agatha. Watch... -It's the same prevision. Not quite. -Now the second image. Watch the water. The wind's changed. The ripples are going the other way. I don't understand -- -I don't understand -- This murder is happening at two different times. -According to the Sentry, Anderton was watching this at Containment right before he was tagged. I know. He came to me, told me about the missing data stream. He was concerned that you might find it. -I know. He came to me, told me about the missing data stream. He was concerned that you might find it. I did find it. It was inside of Agatha all this time. So the question is, why would someone want this erased from the data file? -I did find it. It was inside of Agatha all this time. So the question is, why would someone want this erased from the data file? Danny, tell me what you're thinking. -Danny, tell me what you're thinking. I'm thinking someone got away with murder. -I'm thinking someone got away with murder. How? -By fooling the system. All someone would have to do is wait for Precrime to stop the murder from taking place, then, a few minutes later, commit the crime in exactly the same way. Yes... It's called an echo. The act of murder is such a violent disturbance in the future continuum that it sometimes repeats to the Precogs. -Yes... It's called an echo. The act of murder is such a violent disturbance in the future continuum that it sometimes repeats to the Precogs. Precog Deja Vu... -Precog Deja Vu... We teach the tech's to identify them and disregard... -So there is a way to fool the system? Yes. -Of course, it would have to be someone with access to the Prevision in the first place, someone fairly high up -- Shhh. You know what I hear? -Shhh. You know what I hear? What? -What? Nothing. No footsteps coming up the stairs. No hovercraft out the window. No clickity click of little spyders. No one crashing through that door. And do you know why I don't hear any of those things, Danny? Because right now, the Precogs can't see. -Near Death's real popular right now, which includes everything from getting hit by a car, to falling off a high building to plane crashes. It's a big rush, you come out the other side without a heart attack. I wanna kill my boss. -I wanna kill my boss. Uh-huh. Okay. You got some images I can work with? -Uh-huh. Okay. You got some images I can work with? Right here. -Right here. Good. What I can do is set you up down in the -- -Uh, yeah, being concert master of the Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra is one of our most popular choices... No, I wanna kill my boss! -No, I wanna kill my boss! Get the hell outta here. You sick bastard. -This is Evanna, the team pilot. Nice to meet you. Gum? -So if you wanna kill someone, you take him to Miami. Not after the vote next week. Once the Amendment passes, we go national, there's gonna be nowhere to run. -Can't they shut that off? That's the Red Ball Alarm. -Crime of passion. No premeditation. They show up late. Most of our scrambles are flash events like this one. We rarely see anything with premeditation anymore. People have gotten the message. Gum? -The information we need is embedded in the grain of wood. And since each piece is unique, the shape and grain is impossible to duplicate. I'm sure you've all grasped the legalistic drawback to precrime methodology. -"Because of the nature of murder. ""There's nothing more destructive to the metaphysical fabric that binds us than the untimely murder of one human being by another""." Somehow, I don't think that was Walt Whitman. -Don't worry. I'll bring him in unharmed. Actually, Gordon, you're not gonna do that. I'm taking control of the team. -Actually, Gordon, you're not gonna do that. I'm taking control of the team. What?! -Sir, the team's gonna be light without those men. Yes, I know. -Here's where we're at. Three men in a room. The victims here. Anderton here, and this unidentified male out the window. The exterior of the adjacent building suggests public housing, but I can't make out the location. Government architecture is modern/conformist which means -- There's thousands of units like this one. -There's thousands of units like this one. They're everywhere. -Anderton's smart enough to go where electronic billboards and other media can't ID him to pick his pocket. There's fewer consumers down there, which means fewer scanners to target him. No offense, sir, but why wouldn't he just run? -No offense, sir, but why wouldn't he just run? Because he thinks he's innocent. -There are two others in the room besides Anderton and Crow. Two? -It doesn't matter. He wins. We can stop him. -We can stop him. She's in the room with him when he kills Crow. She's already a part of his future. -He's trying to prove his innocence. He can't download her without a lot of technical help. -He can't download her without a lot of technical help. No. He can't... -There a maid in this hotel? I don't know, why? -I don't know, why? If you were a child killer, you took these pictures, would you leave them out on the bed for anyone to find? -If you were a child killer, you took these pictures, would you leave them out on the bed for anyone to find? They could have been put away. Anderton could have found them. -They could have been put away. Anderton could have found them. What kind of cop were you before this? -What kind of cop were you before this? I was a Treasury Agent for eight years. Why? -I was a Treasury Agent for eight years. Why? Treasury... Then this would be your first actual murder scene. -"I worked homicide before I went federal. This is what we would've called an ""orgy of evidence"". Do you know how many orgies I had as a homicide copy, Gordon?" How many? -How many? None. This was arranged. -That's why you asked to partner with me on this little sortie, isn't it? I think you're swell company, Knott. -I think you're swell company, Knott. It's not at all that you don't trust me to be alone with the Chief. That you think I might, you know, fuck with him, if I had the chance... -People, if you don't let the spyder scan you, we'll have to come in and arrest you. Knott! -Why don't I feel like celebrating? Cause all of a sudden you got no one you can fucking brown nose anymore. -John Anderton was my friend! "You ""friend's"" a murderer and he ruined our perfect record. Six years, not one damn murder..." -He looks familiar. Who? -Who? The man across the street. I've seen him before... -The man across the street. I've seen him before... How can you even tell? You know how blind you are without your glasses. -What about your meeting? I'll reschedule. I've been working too much anyway. -We could have lunch together. I'd love to, but I've got an open house today at the Ressler place. -I'd love to, but I've got an open house today at the Ressler place. Ah. That must be why you look so nice. -Raincheck? Sure. Raincheck. -Howard -- I forgot my glasses. -My name is Danny Witwer. I'm -- I know who you are. -This your work? Yes. -I like it. Thanks. You take anything in your coffee? -Thanks. You take anything in your coffee? Cream and sugar. -Cream and sugar. I don't have any cream. Sorry. -I don't have any cream. Sorry. Just sugar then. You and John ever come here? -Just sugar then. You and John ever come here? We used to, every summer. -We used to, every summer. He's not here now, is he? -I don't have any sugar either. Thank you. He hasn't tried to contact you? -Thank you. He hasn't tried to contact you? No. -No. You ever heard him mention the name Leo Crow? -You ever heard him mention the name Leo Crow? No, but then I don't talk to John that much anymore. -No, but then I don't talk to John that much anymore. So you haven't seen his apartment? -So you haven't seen his apartment? That was our apartment. -That was our apartment. Have you been there recently? -Since right after we lost our son. You mean after he lost your son. -You mean after he lost your son. It was nobody's fault. -It was nobody's fault. But John was with him at the pool? -But John was with him at the pool? Yes. -You said in your divorce papers that he tried to kill himself. It wasn't a suicide attempt. I regret ever saying that. -It wasn't a suicide attempt. I regret ever saying that. What was it then? -What was it then? The FBI found something that belonged to my son. A sandal... Anyway, John was upset. He... he... -The FBI found something that belonged to my son. A sandal... Anyway, John was upset. He... he... He took out his gun and sat down to watch his home movies. This is all in your statement, Lara... -He took out his gun and sat down to watch his home movies. This is all in your statement, Lara... He shot a hole in the damn ceiling. So what? You lose your son, let's see how well you handle it. -He shot a hole in the damn ceiling. So what? You lose your son, let's see how well you handle it. Not very well, I'm sure. I'd probably start doping myself. Or maybe I'd... -Lamar Burgess thinks that you left John because he lost himself in Precrime instead of you. I left him because every time I looked at him, I saw my son. Every time I got close to him, I smelled my little boy. That's why I left him. And now you can leave. -You know I need to use you. To what? Trap him? -To what? Trap him? To prevent a murder. Sooner or later, he's going to contact you. -To prevent a murder. Sooner or later, he's going to contact you. I haven't seen him in two years. -I haven't seen him in two years. But I've seen the three hundred hours of your image he's got stored away. -Nice to meet you, Wally. Shhh! They're sleeping. -Shhh! They're sleeping. Tell me how all this works. -They've never been separated before. What does he want with a precog? -What does he want with a precog? What do you think? So he can kill whoever he wants to without anyone knowing about it. -What do you think? So he can kill whoever he wants to without anyone knowing about it. But there's still the other two. -Wally, the other two can still function, right? You don't understand... they're a hive mind. It takes all three for their predictive abilities to work. -You don't understand... they're a hive mind. It takes all three for their predictive abilities to work. Are you telling me they can't see murders anymore? -Are you telling me they can't see murders anymore? Maybe if he'd taken one of the males. But the female, she's the key. She's the one they listen to, the one with the most talent. The one who takes care of the other two. -Maybe if he'd taken one of the males. But the female, she's the key. She's the one they listen to, the one with the most talent. The one who takes care of the other two. Jesus... -Look, Bobby, I don't know what happened, and I don't want to know what happened, but something's up. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Maxie wants me to replace you on the job tomorrow. He wants you to come by the office today. -Maxie wants me to replace you on the job tomorrow. He wants you to come by the office today. They were grabbing her fucking ass -- -They were grabbing her fucking ass -- Hey. I don't know, I don't want to know. Far as I'm concerned, you're a good kid. I got news, though, without you here I can't keep on your friend. I got enough people pretending to sweep. -Hey. I don't know, I don't want to know. Far as I'm concerned, you're a good kid. I got news, though, without you here I can't keep on your friend. I got enough people pretending to sweep. Do me a favor, Arthur, keep him on til I see what's happening. -Do me a favor, Arthur, keep him on til I see what's happening. Good luck. -Hi, uh, excuse me. I'm here to see Mr. Reuben. You're Bobby, right? -You're Bobby, right? Yeah. -Yeah. Good afternoon, Bobby. I'll let Max know you're here. -He'll be a minute, hon. You want some coffee? No thank you. -No thank you. You sure? I just made it. -You sure? I just made it. No, thank you. I'm good. Thanks. -Martel's and coke. One ice cube. In a snifter this time. Snifter are for warm drinks -- -Snifter are for warm drinks -- Yeah, snifters are for cognac -- -Yeah, snifters are for cognac -- When served warm -- -When served warm -- What's the matter? You ain't got no snifters in this motherfucker? -What's the matter? You ain't got no snifters in this motherfucker? We have snifters -We have snifters Then put my Martel's in a snifter. -...And here is the key to the mini- bar. Room and tax has been picked up by Cardiff Giant, as well as one fifty in incidentals. What's 'incidentals?' -What's 'incidentals?' Phone, room service, mini-bar. Any additional expense. If you need anything you can push the button marked 'Concierge', and they'll be able to help you. -Now, Mr. Slade, you're in room 315. Just give me the key. I'm gonna stay here. -Just give me the key. I'm gonna stay here. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Is it a good room? -Is it a good room? I can take you down there. -I can take you down there. Just tell me. Wait, here... Do you have change of a hundred? -Just tell me. Wait, here... Do you have change of a hundred? Not on me, sir. -Not on me, sir. Here. Take it. Bring me back eighty. -Here. Take it. Bring me back eighty. Are you sure? -Are you sure? Yeah. Take it. -Yeah. Take it. Thank you very much, sir. -Thank you very much, sir. So? -So? What, sir? -What, sir? Is it the good room? -Is it the good room? All the suites are about the same. -All the suites are about the same. Come on. Just tell me. It'll save all the trouble of you showing me all the rooms. -Come on. Just tell me. It'll save all the trouble of you showing me all the rooms. Honestly, the suites are all about the same. -Honestly, the suites are all about the same. What if I gave you forty? -What if I gave you forty? It's as good a suite as we have, unless you want two bedrooms. -It's as good a suite as we have, unless you want two bedrooms. No. That's cool. Bring me back eighty. -No. That's cool. Bring me back eighty. Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir. Where's the place to go tonight? -Where's the place to go tonight? As far as...? -As far as...? Nightlife. Where's the hot ass? -Nightlife. Where's the hot ass? Women? -Women? Yeah 'women.' If I was a fag I could get laid in a subway. -Yeah 'women.' If I was a fag I could get laid in a subway. I don't know, Forum's pretty hot tonight. It might be hard to get in, though. -I don't know, Forum's pretty hot tonight. It might be hard to get in, though. Don't worry about me getting in. Just tell me where it is. -Don't worry about me getting in. Just tell me where it is. It's on West Broadway. -It's on West Broadway. See you later. -So, wait, you're from where? Manhattan. -Manhattan. You girls aren't from Brooklyn or anything? -You girls aren't from Brooklyn or anything? No. -I don't get it. What do you do? We're in Fashion. -We're in Fashion. So you're models? -I don't know about you guys, but I'm starting to feel a really sexual vibe here. What happened? I thought we were playing Truth or Dare. -What happened? I thought we were playing Truth or Dare. Look at, ladies. I could sit here and take turns throwing skittles at your ass all night. But I feel what you guys are putting out there. I'm only a mirror reflecting what I'm getting from you. And I'm saying yes to it. I'm shaking hands with it. I see the road that you're pointing down and I'm saying I'll ride shotgun. And when your foot slams on the accelerator, I won't get scared. I'll stand up and let the wind blow through my long blonde hair. With my summer dress clinging to my bosom yelling 'Faster, Billy! Faster! Drive faster! Faster yet -- !' -Okay. We got a lot happening here. Here comes the good part... Okay... Somebody's getting comfortable. -Will you leave me alone, already...? No, Sean, it's over... I don't care... As a matter of fact, I am... Yeah. In his hotel room... Holy shit. -Holy shit. I'm having fun, Sean. Can you handle that...? Yeah. He doesn't judge me. -Is he cute? He's okay. -He's okay. Should I fuck him? -Should I fuck him? I don't know. Do whatever you want. -I don't know. Do whatever you want. He's great, right. Is he great? -He's great, right. Is he great? He's alright. -He's alright. I know. -I know. But maybe that's okay. Maybe that's just what you need. -Oh no. What is it this time. We used to take baths together. -We used to take baths together. Come on. Let's go. -What the fuck was that about? You wanna get us busted? If Max found out you were turning tricks -- -You wanna get us busted? If Max found out you were turning tricks -- I got news for you, Bobby, he don't give a shit. -I got news for you, Bobby, he don't give a shit. Bullshit. -Bullshit. You think he don't know? I give him his cut of seventeen hundred, I think he knows I can't make that lap dancing. -You think he don't know? I give him his cut of seventeen hundred, I think he knows I can't make that lap dancing. No more. -Nobody's fuckin talking to you. And how could you fucking leave Horrace hanging? -And how could you fucking leave Horrace hanging? I got news for you, Horrace got his ass out of there before you did. -I got news for you, Horrace got his ass out of there before you did. Bullshit. -Bullshit. What? You don't think Horrace would leave your white ass in there to hang? -Ricky's not wearing one. Ricky, can you put on a seat belt? -A elephant seal. Where's mommy? She's, uh, sleeping. -She's, uh, sleeping. It's daytime. -It's daytime. Mommy works hard so you can have all your pretty clothes. Don't you like your pretty clothes? -Mommy works hard so you can have all your pretty clothes. Don't you like your pretty clothes? No. -No. Show uncle Ricky what you made. -What's wrong, baby? He's not doing it. -It's a poison arrow tree frog. Will you paint the damn thing. Why do you gotta be such a baby. -You're not my daddy. You gonna bust my horns, or you want spaghetti -You gonna bust my horns, or you want spaghetti I want spaghettis. -Hello. Chloe? -Chloe? Uncle Bobby? -Uncle Bobby? Hi, baby. What are you doing awake? Where's mommy? -Hi, baby. What are you doing awake? Where's mommy? I don't know. -I don't know. Mommy's not home? -Mommy's not home? No. -No. What time is it there? -What time is it there? Can you take me to Color Me Mine? -Can you take me to Color Me Mine? Yeah. Are you sure mommy's not home? It's very late. -I gotta go, baby. I love you. Tell mommy I called. You be a big girl and be careful when you're alone. I love you. Come home. -Honey? Where were you? -So, what kind of gig is this? Easy night. Bachelor party. Can we give Wendy a ride? -Easy night. Bachelor party. Can we give Wendy a ride? No. What kind of bachelor party? -No. What kind of bachelor party? The easy kind. They're young and rich and well mannered. -Oh my god. What happened? A draw. What makes you think they're well mannered? -A draw. What makes you think they're well mannered? Bobby, this is a plumb gig. It's a bunch of young agents and it's at a restaurant. It's gonna be easy and we'll make a lot of money. -Bobby, this is a plumb gig. It's a bunch of young agents and it's at a restaurant. It's gonna be easy and we'll make a lot of money. I don't like you working with Wendy. Why are you working with Wendy? -I don't like you working with Wendy. Why are you working with Wendy? They requested her. It was her gig. Max put me on as a favor. -They requested her. It was her gig. Max put me on as a favor. Some favor. I hope they know you're not like Wendy. -Some favor. I hope they know you're not like Wendy. Oh, please. -Oh, please. If they asked for her, they're probably expecting blowjobs all around. -If they asked for her, they're probably expecting blowjobs all around. Will you cut it out! Get ready, we're already late. -Will you cut it out! Get ready, we're already late. Who's watching the baby? -Who's watching the baby? She's downstairs with Ruth. Get ready. -She's downstairs with Ruth. Get ready. I'm ready. -I'm ready. Bullshit. These are classy customers. You can't show up all fucked up with a Fila running suit on. -Bullshit. These are classy customers. You can't show up all fucked up with a Fila running suit on. They're not too classy to have tits rubbed in their face. -You talk to Max today? I'm not gonna mention Ricky to him. -I'm not gonna mention Ricky to him. Don't expect you to mention it to him. I'm just saying, if -- -Don't expect you to mention it to him. I'm just saying, if -- The only way he'll go with Ricky is if you're in too. -The only way he'll go with Ricky is if you're in too. Well, that's not gonna happen. -Well, that's not gonna happen. Fine. You want to help Ricky, talk to Maxie yourself. -Fine. You want to help Ricky, talk to Maxie yourself. I feel weird asking him. -I feel weird asking him. You shouldn't. He likes you. -You shouldn't. He likes you. I just wish he never brought it up. Ricky won't shut up about it. -I just wish he never brought it up. Ricky won't shut up about it. Forget Ricky. You should be glad Max got you driving for me. -Forget Ricky. You should be glad Max got you driving for me. No coke tonight. Right? -No coke tonight. Right? Leave me alone. I haven't touched anything in months. -Go finish getting ready. I'll take care of dinner. Yeah? You sure? -Yeah? You sure? Go. -No way that cocksucker's driving you. Maybe if you didn't go Rambo every time I did a lapdance, you'd still be doing it yourself. Meantime, I gotta feed my little girl. -Maybe if you didn't go Rambo every time I did a lapdance, you'd still be doing it yourself. Meantime, I gotta feed my little girl. Maxie's fucking with me. He put you with the spook to get under my skin. -Maxie's fucking with me. He put you with the spook to get under my skin. Ho's a good guy -- -Ho's a good guy -- Ho's a fucking pimp! He encourages Wendy to turn tricks. And she's his fucking wife! -Ho's a fucking pimp! He encourages Wendy to turn tricks. And she's his fucking wife! Shhh. He'll hear you. -Shhh. He'll hear you. Good! It'll save me the trouble of repeating myself. He's not fucking driving you! -Good! It'll save me the trouble of repeating myself. He's not fucking driving you! Listen to me, Bobby. This is my job. It puts a roof over me and my daughter and you for as long as you want to stay. -Listen to me, Bobby. This is my job. It puts a roof over me and my daughter and you for as long as you want to stay. I want you to quit. -I want you to quit. Look at the bills. I can't. I'm not gonna put my daughter through what I went through. -Look at the bills. I can't. I'm not gonna put my daughter through what I went through. I'll support you. -I'll support you. With what? -With what? Max offered to stake me. -Max offered to stake me. Yeah, well Max offers a lot of things. And I got news for you. He's not the sweet old man you think he is. -She needs a family. A dad. I'll give her what you never had. Don't get my hopes up. If I quit, what then? I can't go through this again. -I never promised you anything. How could you let her see this? -How could you let her see this? Goodbye, Bobby. -Goodbye, Bobby. Just so you know, I bought you out with Maxie. I suggest you leave while you can. -Just so you know, I bought you out with Maxie. I suggest you leave while you can. Don't you get it? I don't want to leave. This is who I am. -Don't you get it? I don't want to leave. This is who I am. Tell you the truth, I don't give a shit for me. But that little girl is so special, and you're gonna fuck her up. -Take her. What'd you say? -What'd you say? I want you to take her with you. -Whu -- There's no touching. -There's no touching. But what about them? -But what about them? I don't give a shit. I work for her. No touching. -I said no touching. Look, man, I'm the bachelor, alright? I gave her a hundred bucks in tips alone -- -Look, man, I'm the bachelor, alright? I gave her a hundred bucks in tips alone -- Get your hands off of her. -Get your hands off of her. Dude, listen, man. I'm cool. How much for the treatment? -Dude, listen, man. I'm cool. How much for the treatment? Your dance is over. -Your dance is over. Come on, dude. The other chick's giving my best man a blow job in the toilet. I know the drill, I'll wear a rubber -- -I -- I -- I... Don't... I don't get it. -It's already been a hell of a night. Where you been? I had a fight up at Sportsman's. -I had a fight up at Sportsman's. Well, you look it. You win? -Well, you look it. You win? Draw. -Draw. What's your record at? -What's your record at? 5-5-1. -5-5-1. Yeah, well you let me know when you wanna start makin the real money. -Yeah, well you let me know when you wanna start makin the real money. Yeah, sure. -Yeah, sure. I'm serious. Humping sheetrock and driving on weekends got to get to you after a while. Might be nice to buy your lady something. All it takes is one fight. -What's up? Jess ready? You driving her? -You driving her? Yeah. -Yeah. She'll be out in a minute. -C'mon girl. Eat up. Get away from her. -Get away from her. Excuse -- -What's up. You all ready to meet Ruiz? Yeah. Where is he? -He making the drop? Nah, man. He's just making contact. That's our man. The Welsh guy. -Nah, man. He's just making contact. That's our man. The Welsh guy. What's his name? -What's his name? Ruiz don't like using names on cell phones. He refers to him as the Red Dragon. -Ruiz don't like using names on cell phones. He refers to him as the Red Dragon. So, when's the drop. -So, when's the drop. To be honest, man, I don't know shit either. All I know is it ain't drugs and it ain't now. -How bad is it? It's bad. Before you even showed up, he said you were Maxie's 'token goons', and not to be trusted. He wanted to TCB alone. I was gonna ride shotgun to keep the English dude above board. Now he's spooked. This shit's snowballing. -It's bad. Before you even showed up, he said you were Maxie's 'token goons', and not to be trusted. He wanted to TCB alone. I was gonna ride shotgun to keep the English dude above board. Now he's spooked. This shit's snowballing. When's it going down? -When's it going down? Was gonna be tomorrow morning. Now, who knows? -Was gonna be tomorrow morning. Now, who knows? Shit. -Why isn't Ruiz coming? This Welsh dude is tripping on Ruiz cause he's a Shot Caller. -This Welsh dude is tripping on Ruiz cause he's a Shot Caller. What's that? -What's that? A Shot Caller. A boss, a Capo. He's running shit. -A Shot Caller. A boss, a Capo. He's running shit. Yeah. -So what do we do? We go and hang out with the dude, make him happy, drink some tea, whatever it takes, until he feels comfortable enough to bring it up on his own. We make the drop, go home to California. -We go and hang out with the dude, make him happy, drink some tea, whatever it takes, until he feels comfortable enough to bring it up on his own. We make the drop, go home to California. Where is this happening? -Where is this happening? We meet at the Globe on Park Avenue at six forty-five. I'll see you then. -Now, here's what worries me. He said he wants to meet up at a bar in Red Hook. You know where that is? No. -No. Brooklyn. -Brooklyn. Yeah? -Yeah? He must have that shit troughed. -He must have that shit troughed. What do you mean 'troughed?' -What do you mean 'troughed?' Troughed off. Protected. Like, you know, like he got a moat around it. -Troughed off. Protected. Like, you know, like he got a moat around it. Ruiz tied in out there? -Ruiz tied in out there? Nah, man. No one is. They got some Puerto Ricans and a new crop of fuckin Irish immigrants. -Heard of them. They ran shit back in the Eighties. Used to cut motherfuckers heads off and sit them on the bar. That's back when the Irish was making a play against the Italians. I don't know if they still around, but I don't fuck with those motherfuckers just in case. -They ran shit back in the Eighties. Used to cut motherfuckers heads off and sit them on the bar. That's back when the Irish was making a play against the Italians. I don't know if they still around, but I don't fuck with those motherfuckers just in case. It sounds to me like everybody's just a little jumpy. And since all it is is a drop, the Welshman's got nothing at stake. I say we go to his 'troughed off' bar. It'll calm his nerves, we drop the bag, and we all get back to our lives. -It sounds to me like everybody's just a little jumpy. And since all it is is a drop, the Welshman's got nothing at stake. I say we go to his 'troughed off' bar. It'll calm his nerves, we drop the bag, and we all get back to our lives. And not a word to Maxie. He'll shit if he knew we crossed a bridge. -Where we going? Quick drop. In and out. -Quick drop. In and out. Where's Ricky? -Where's Ricky? Ricky's taken care of. -Ricky's taken care of. How so? -How so? He was uptown when I paged him. I gave him the address. He's meeting us there. -He was uptown when I paged him. I gave him the address. He's meeting us there. That it? -That it? That's it. -This is it. Where's Ricky. -Where's Ricky. I guess inside. Or he never made it. Either way, I don't give a shit. Let's get this over with. -You like the ponies? Sure. Yeah. -Sure. Yeah. You bet the ponies? -You bet the ponies? Me? No. Not really. -Me? No. Not really. Smart. Hard as hell to handicap. You know what I like? Hai Alai. Fast game. You know why I like it? -Smart. Hard as hell to handicap. You know what I like? Hai Alai. Fast game. You know why I like it? Why? -Why? It's fixed. That's the only way to win. A sure thing. See that horse. The blaze. -It's fixed. That's the only way to win. A sure thing. See that horse. The blaze. This one? -This one? Yeah. The blaze. I bought her in '66. Hired a trainer, stall, whatever it was. That horse made me over a hundred grand. In 'sixties' dollars. You know what that is today? -Yeah. The blaze. I bought her in '66. Hired a trainer, stall, whatever it was. That horse made me over a hundred grand. In 'sixties' dollars. You know what that is today? Pshhh... -Pshhh... A million. Easy. -A million. Easy. She was fast, huh? -She was fast, huh? Never won a race. But it got me in with the trainer. We'd have a thing, I don't remember, some fucking thing. The jockey would raise his whip, it meant the fix was in, we'd all go running. People get greedy. First they bet small, they keep their mouth shut. Within a month's time, everyone and their brother was in on it. The odds would drop, I mean you could watch the goddamn board. It looked like a fuckin stopwatch, the odds would drop so fast. -Never won a race. But it got me in with the trainer. We'd have a thing, I don't remember, some fucking thing. The jockey would raise his whip, it meant the fix was in, we'd all go running. People get greedy. First they bet small, they keep their mouth shut. Within a month's time, everyone and their brother was in on it. The odds would drop, I mean you could watch the goddamn board. It looked like a fuckin stopwatch, the odds would drop so fast. That's why they call it the smart money. -I like you, kid. Why do you gotta make it so hard for me to take care of you? Mr. Reuben, I swear to God, they were out of line. -Mr. Reuben, I swear to God, they were out of line. Last time, maybe, with the Puerto Ricans, but these were nice Jewish boys. -Last time, maybe, with the Puerto Ricans, but these were nice Jewish boys. They were out of line -- -They were out of line -- They're fucking yeshiva buchas. You didn't have to tear up the goddamn place. You knocked out a guys teeth. -They're fucking yeshiva buchas. You didn't have to tear up the goddamn place. You knocked out a guys teeth. That prick tried to get Jessica to blow him in the bathroom -- -That prick tried to get Jessica to blow him in the bathroom -- Bobby, I love Jessica like she's my own daughter. I would kill anyone so much as lays a finger on her or her beautiful daughter, but that fucking pisher you socked in the mouth has the most expensive dentist in Beverly Hills and wants I should buy him an implant. Your silverback horseshit's gonna cost me eight grand. -Bobby, I love Jessica like she's my own daughter. I would kill anyone so much as lays a finger on her or her beautiful daughter, but that fucking pisher you socked in the mouth has the most expensive dentist in Beverly Hills and wants I should buy him an implant. Your silverback horseshit's gonna cost me eight grand. I'll work it off. -I'll work it off. Not driving Jess, you won't. -Not driving Jess, you won't. What? -What? You're not driving Jess no more. Two strikes, Bobby, and this last one was big. The bachelor's father goes to my schul. -You're not driving Jess no more. Two strikes, Bobby, and this last one was big. The bachelor's father goes to my schul. So, that's it. I'm out? -So, that's it. I'm out? I didn't say that. -I didn't say that. Then what are you saying? -Then what are you saying? Bobby. You're a bull terrier and I got you herding sheep. -Bobby. You're a bull terrier and I got you herding sheep. I don't understand. -I don't understand. It's my fault. I send you out to watch scum drool all over the love of your life, then I wonder why you seered. It's my fault. The tooth is on me. But no more. I'm 'reassigning' you. -It's my fault. I send you out to watch scum drool all over the love of your life, then I wonder why you seered. It's my fault. The tooth is on me. But no more. I'm 'reassigning' you. I don't want to drive another girl, Max. The only reason I'm -- -I don't want to drive another girl, Max. The only reason I'm -- Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? This ain't a fucking democracy. You want out? -Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? This ain't a fucking democracy. You want out? No. -No. Don't I put food on you're table? I sponsor your training, I take care of your girl and her little baby. I even pay that deadbeat friend of yours to push a goddamn broom. -Don't I put food on you're table? I sponsor your training, I take care of your girl and her little baby. I even pay that deadbeat friend of yours to push a goddamn broom. I know. -I know. Now you wanna shut up and listen and hear what I got to say? -Now you wanna shut up and listen and hear what I got to say? Yeah. Sorry. -Yeah. Sorry. I got a way we make everybody happy. -I got a way we make everybody happy. Yeah. -Yeah. We try something out. There's someone I'm in business with named Ruiz. I want you to accompany him on a drop. Just as scenery. Ruiz has his boys. I just want a big guinea with a busted up face to give him a deep bench. As a deterrent. -We try something out. There's someone I'm in business with named Ruiz. I want you to accompany him on a drop. Just as scenery. Ruiz has his boys. I just want a big guinea with a busted up face to give him a deep bench. As a deterrent. Ruiz knows about this? -Ruiz knows about this? Ruiz wants to go alone, but it's not up to Ruiz. It's up to me, and I like a sure thing. Just go and we're square on the tooth. -Ruiz wants to go alone, but it's not up to Ruiz. It's up to me, and I like a sure thing. Just go and we're square on the tooth. What about Ricky? He'd jump at the opportunity. -What about Ricky? He'd jump at the opportunity. Ricky? Ricky 'I lost the truck' Ricky? -Ricky? Ricky 'I lost the truck' Ricky? You told him you liked him. -You told him you liked him. That was before he lost my carpet cleaning van. -That was before he lost my carpet cleaning van. He'll work it off. -He'll work it off. I don't know the kid, and what little I do scares me. -I don't know the kid, and what little I do scares me. He's good people, Mr. Reuben. I swear. -He's good people, Mr. Reuben. I swear. You vouch for him? -Yeah. Sure. How 'bout this. If you're in, he's in. -How 'bout this. If you're in, he's in. I gotta tell you, Mr. Reuben, I'm not comfortable getting in any deeper. It's one thing to look after Jess... -I gotta tell you, Mr. Reuben, I'm not comfortable getting in any deeper. It's one thing to look after Jess... You're ready to move up. Christ, the way you busted up the place, you're doing worse already. May as well get paid instead of punished. -You're ready to move up. Christ, the way you busted up the place, you're doing worse already. May as well get paid instead of punished. It's not that I don't appreciate the offer... -It's not that I don't appreciate the offer... Do me a favor. Think about it. Is that too much too ask? -Do me a favor. Think about it. Is that too much too ask? No. Okay. I'll think about it. -Yes, for expenses and such. Now, you'll be contacted on your pager as to where you should go. You each have been given an extra battery, so there is absolutely no excuse as to why a page would not be immediately returned. Am I making myself abundantly clear? Yeah. -Yes. What is it? -What is it? You want -- -You want -- Not you. I want Ricky to answer. -I already told you, I parked it for five minutes and I locked it with the club -- You want us to be wherever you want us to be, ASAP, no questions asked. -You want us to be wherever you want us to be, ASAP, no questions asked. Yes. Goodbye. -There won't be a next thing. Take a few days -- -Take a few days -- I don't need a few days. I'm gonna settle down with Jess. She's through dancing. We're opening a restaurant. -I don't need a few days. I'm gonna settle down with Jess. She's through dancing. We're opening a restaurant. I hate to ruin your fairy tale, but I've been paying Jess' rent for six months. She's got to keep dancing -- -That's him. Now you all know the drill, right? What drill? -'Dis?' 'Dis?' You're not in a position to 'dis', or 'give props', or whatever your Real World sense of fucking decorum tells you to do. You're nothing. You're wallpaper. You're not here to make fucking friends. Asking a motherfucker where he lives. And who the fuck told you 'Red Dragon'?. We get it. We're sorry. -We get it. We're sorry. Now that Limey motherfucker's jumpy and wants to change shit around on me. Maxie's gonna shit a Nokia when he hears about... Aw, shit, I better call him before he hears. -Jesus Christ, where the fuck you been all night? You look like you got shit out in the gorilla house. Good morning. -Don't 'easy Ruiz' me. Y'all turned a Easter egg hunt into a butt-fuck-a- thon. Bring me four eggs Benedict and a mimosa. You all want mimosas? Nah, man... -A bad heart. I didn't tell him shit. He worries too much. I love that old Jew, but he's gonna kill himself worrying. We started this shit, and we're gonna finish it. -What's the plan? Tom, the Welsh dude -- -Now listen. The gig couldn't be simpler. You carry the money to the Welshman, he checks it, hands you his marker, you're done. The washed money goes directly to Maxie. Long as you hand off the bag, you're tight. Where's the drop? -Where's the drop? You three are gonna meet him for dinner. Find out if and where. Now any of you motherfuckers got anything else to say? -Hi. I, uh, think that's us. Hi. I'm Jimmy. -Hi. I'm Jimmy. Bobby. -What's that? You're going to the Soho Grand hotel, right? -You're going to the Soho Grand hotel, right? I'm not sure. All I know is the account is Cardiff Giant. -I'm not sure. All I know is the account is Cardiff Giant. Yeah. You're staying at the Soho Grand. You got anything checked? -Yeah. You're staying at the Soho Grand. You got anything checked? Nah. -Nah. Traveling light. I like that. -Where is the Soho Grand? Soho. -So, Jimmy, you know where this address is? Yeah. I'll find it. It's in Harlem. -Yeah. I'll find it. It's in Harlem. Harlem? What is it, a restaurant? -Harlem? What is it, a restaurant? You don't know where you're going? -You don't know where you're going? No. Just the cross streets. -No. Just the cross streets. Well, this is the corner. -I can wait around if you want. No. That's cool, man. -Spa? Yeah. -Yeah. Depends what night. -'Trustafarians?' You know, white kids with trust funds acting like they're poor. Keeping it real. Know what I mean? -This Ruiz guy, what's his deal? Don't know much. I hear he runs a tight ship. -Don't know much. I hear he runs a tight ship. Yeah? -Yeah? Understand me? -Understand me? Yeah. -Aren't we waiting for Ricky? Ricky's taken care of. -Ricky's taken care of. Taken care of? -Taken care of? Yeah, he's getting there on his own. -Yeah... Mmmm, that sounds good... Uhu... Excuse me, we need to make a call. -Excuse me, we need to make a call. I'm on the phone. -I'm on the phone. It's important. -It's important. So's this. Hey baby... Oh, nothing. What were you saying? -So's this. Hey baby... Oh, nothing. What were you saying? Listen, man, we really gotta... -Listen, man, we really gotta... I be off in a minute. Say again...? -We're with Ruiz. Ruiz isn't here. -Ruiz isn't here. We're supposed to meet him here. Is Ruiz on the list? -We're supposed to meet him here. Is Ruiz on the list? Ruiz is always on the list. He just ain't here, though. -Ruiz is always on the list. He just ain't here, though. Can you check? -Can you check? He's not here. -Sorry, man, but... Thanks a lot. Don't worry about it. -Thanks a lot. Don't worry about it. Any time, bro. -Any time, bro. Thanks. -Did Max mention anything about any jobs? What about boxing? -What about boxing? What about it? -What about it? What are you saying? -What are you saying? You said if you didn't have a winning record after eleven fights, you'd talk to Max. -You said if you didn't have a winning record after eleven fights, you'd talk to Max. So? -So? So, it was a draw. -So, it was a draw. Yeah, I'm 5-5 and 1. -Yeah, I'm 5-5 and 1. So, it's not a winning record. -So, it's not a winning record. It's not losing record. -It's not losing record. That's not what you said. You said if you didn't have a winning record -- -That's not what you said. You said if you didn't have a winning record -- Don't be shitty. -Don't be shitty. How am I being shitty? -How am I being shitty? Don't be shitty. -Don't be shitty. I wouldn't keep bugging you, but you said he said he would have a job for us. -I wouldn't keep bugging you, but you said he said he would have a job for us. I'm not gonna bring it up to him. -I'm not gonna bring it up to him. Of course I don't want you to bring it up to him... But if it comes up... -Of course I don't want you to bring it up to him... But if it comes up... I'll page you. -I'll page you. Yeah. Page me. You know the number? -Yeah. Page me. You know the number? Yeah. I know the number. -Yeah. I know the number. Cause if you don't know the number, I can page you with the number so you'll have the number. -Cause if you don't know the number, I can page you with the number so you'll have the number. I know the number. -I know the number. I'll page you with the number. I'll see you later. What time you done? -I'll page you with the number. I'll see you later. What time you done? I got no idea. -I got no idea. Ask if he said anything to her. -Ask if he said anything to her. I will. -I will. I'll page you with the number. -I'll page you with the number. Bye. -So I'm like, 'Maybe I'm not on the list cause I'm not a fuckin Persian.' I thought you hate that club. -I thought you hate that club. I do. It's a fuckin Persian Palace. -I do. It's a fuckin Persian Palace. Then why do you try to get in? -Then why do you try to get in? Fuck them. -Fuck them. Shhh... -Come on, man. Not with the owners here. Hey, baby... Nothing. What are you doing...? Yeah, I'll probably cut out early... -We need guns. We don't need guns. -We don't need guns. I think we might. -I think we might. He didn't say we need guns. -He didn't say we need guns. He implied it. -He implied it. You don't imply about something like that. You lay it out on the table. Besides, I'm not taking the job. -This is the opportunity of a lifetime. What are you? Nuts? You've been waiting for this kind of opportunity. No. You've been waiting for this kind of opportunity. -No. You've been waiting for this kind of opportunity. Damn right, I have. You think I like living on fucking Yucca? We do a good job on this, we're in. -Damn right, I have. You think I like living on fucking Yucca? We do a good job on this, we're in. What happened to boxing? I thought we made a vow. -What happened to boxing? I thought we made a vow. Shit. Who we kidding? I know I suck, and I held you up for ten rounds -- -Shit. Who we kidding? I know I suck, and I held you up for ten rounds -- Bullshit... -Bullshit... Please. I got three inches on you. You wouldn't have landed a punch if I didn't let you. -Please. I got three inches on you. You wouldn't have landed a punch if I didn't let you. You wanna go right now? -You wanna go right now? I'll beat your ass -- -Sorry coach. Sorry coach. -We look good this year. We'll kill Fairfax this year. -We'll kill Fairfax this year. I still can't believe you missed the fucking team bus. -I still can't believe you missed the fucking team bus. Fuck him. -Fuck him. Your first start at DB, it's against Fairfax, and you miss the fucking bus. -Your first start at DB, it's against Fairfax, and you miss the fucking bus. What are we delivering? -What are we delivering? We're not delivering shit. Ruiz is delivering something, and whatever it is is his business. -We're not delivering shit. Ruiz is delivering something, and whatever it is is his business. Who is this fucking Ruiz? -Who is this fucking Ruiz? Maxie says he runs a tight ship. I wouldn't fuck with him. -Maxie says he runs a tight ship. I wouldn't fuck with him. Some Mexican? How much could he weigh? A buck fifty, tops? I'd kick his fucking ass. -Some Mexican? How much could he weigh? A buck fifty, tops? I'd kick his fucking ass. I gotta pick up the baby. -I gotta pick up the baby. Why do you always get stuck taking care of the kid. -Why do you always get stuck taking care of the kid. I like it. -I like it. It's not even yours. -It's not even yours. I like it. -Nice work. Shhh... Yeah, yeah... No. No. I'll be there. You gotta get me to the Magic Castle at four. -Shhh... Yeah, yeah... No. No. I'll be there. You gotta get me to the Magic Castle at four. How'd you unlock my phone? -How'd you unlock my phone? I tried your ATM PIN. I gotta kill an hour. Let's grab a beer. -I tried your ATM PIN. I gotta kill an hour. Let's grab a beer. Seat belt. -No, man. It wrinkles my shit. Let's grab a fuckin beer -- C'mon, man, not in front of the baby. Put on your seat belt before I get another ticket. -C'mon, man, not in front of the baby. Put on your seat belt before I get another ticket. Jesus Christ, fine. Alright? -Jesus Christ, fine. Alright? See? Now everyone's got one on. What do you got there? -Why can't we just grab a goddamn beer. I promised Chloe we'd come here. -I promised Chloe we'd come here. Oh, give me a break. Look at her. She don't even know where the hell she is. She'd have more fun at Bordner's. -Oh, give me a break. Look at her. She don't even know where the hell she is. She'd have more fun at Bordner's. I'm not taking her to a bar. -I'm not taking her to a bar. Why not? I grew up in bars. It's fun for a kid. -What? Did she say something? She wants you to paint the ashtray. -She wants you to paint the ashtray. I'm not painting the fu --, I'm not painting the ashtray. And frogs aren't purple. -Max won't let me drive Jess to dance anymore. Who's driving her? -Who's driving her? I don't know. -I don't know. This paint sucks. The white shows through. -Right here's fine. Is that the woman from..? -Is that the woman from..? She really liked the kitchen. -It's ours. To keep? -Holy shit. Can you believe this? Pretty nice. -Pretty nice. See, man. Maxie fuckin takes care of you when you're in. Beats cleaning carpets. -See, man. Maxie fuckin takes care of you when you're in. Beats cleaning carpets. What's the movie? -What's the movie? I'll get the girl. -I'll get the girl. Nah, don't bother -- -You hear that? You can drink as much as you want up here. We're not supposed to get drunk. We're on call. -We're not supposed to get drunk. We're on call. Unless we're supposed to whack out the fuckin' pilot, I don't think we're gonna have to work in the next five hours. -Unless we're supposed to whack out the fuckin' pilot, I don't think we're gonna have to work in the next five hours. I don't want to show up hammered. We're supposed to be representing Max. -I don't want to show up hammered. We're supposed to be representing Max. Oh, I'll represent alright. -Shit. No new pages. I don't even know where the fuck we're supposed to go. Maybe we should call for a cab. -Maybe we should call for a cab. No. Look. There. -'Cardiff Giant.' That's us. You sure? -You sure? Yeah. He said that's our account with the car service. -Who you calling? Shhh... Hello, room service? -Shhh... Hello, room service? C'mon, man... -C'mon, man... Yeah, bring up two burgers and a couple of Heinekens. I'm in room... How'd you know? Oh. Yeah. How long? Cool. -Yeah, bring up two burgers and a couple of Heinekens. I'm in room... How'd you know? Oh. Yeah. How long? Cool. How much is it? -How much is it? How much? Okay. Make it fifteen minutes and you can add on a ten dollar tip. Bye. -How much? Okay. Make it fifteen minutes and you can add on a ten dollar tip. Bye. How much was it? -How much was it? Forty-six. -Forty-six. Jesus, man. Plus ten? -Jesus, man. Plus ten? Yeah, I guess. -Yeah, I guess. Great. On my fucking room. -Great. On my fucking room. Relax. You got one-fifty. You heard the guy. -Relax. You got one-fifty. You heard the guy. Ricky, who knows how long we're gonna have to be here. We gotta make it last. -Ricky, who knows how long we're gonna have to be here. We gotta make it last. Fine. I'll put it on my room. Okay? -Fine. I'll put it on my room. Okay? Don't worry about it. Just be smart. -Don't worry about it. Just be smart. But let me tell you, man, I don't like your attitude already. -But let me tell you, man, I don't like your attitude already. Oh really. Why's that? -Oh really. Why's that? We just got moved up in the world. You gotta let go of that blue collar mentality that was drummed into your head. You gotta start owning it man, or they'll smell you a mile away like a cheap suit. -We just got moved up in the world. You gotta let go of that blue collar mentality that was drummed into your head. You gotta start owning it man, or they'll smell you a mile away like a cheap suit. Who's gonna smell me a mile away? -Who's gonna smell me a mile away? Don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about. -What are you doing? What are you doing? -What are you doing? I know you're not calling Jimmy. -I know you're not calling Jimmy. As a matter of fact I was. You got a problem with that? -As a matter of fact I was. You got a problem with that? We're here representing Max. You're acting like a Puerto Rican on the fifteenth of the month. -We're here representing Max. You're acting like a Puerto Rican on the fifteenth of the month. You think Maxie doesn't want us to roll hard? Why do you think he gave us all this bread? Or the number on the pager? We gotta represent him by showing some class. The man's got an operation. How does it reflect on him if we nickel and dime it? -It's on West Broadway. We can walk. Well, I don't want to walk. -Shit. It's thirty-five cents. You got a dime? Fuck... -What exactly did they say? They said a hundred thirty-fifth and Twelfth. -They said a hundred thirty-fifth and Twelfth. They didn't say an address? -They didn't say an address? I told you what they said. -I told you what they said. Nothing else. -Nothing else. Nothing. -Nothing. How'd they know who you were? -How'd they know who you were? They asked who it was. -They asked who it was. So they said more than the address. -So they said more than the address. No. They asked who I was, then told me what corner. -No. They asked who I was, then told me what corner. This is bullshit, man. -This is bullshit, man. What the fuck do you... -What the fuck do you have to complain about? Don't even start. -Don't even start. No. Tell me. What's so fucking horrible about this gig? You've been crawling up my ass for six months to get your name on Maxie's list, and here we are. -No. Tell me. What's so fucking horrible about this gig? You've been crawling up my ass for six months to get your name on Maxie's list, and here we are. Look, man, I never met Ruiz, okay? I don't know what the fuck I'm picking up, what the fuck I'm dropping off, who the fuck I'm meeting. All I know is Maxie's still pissed at me cause I sold his fucking van. -Look, man, I never met Ruiz, okay? I don't know what the fuck I'm picking up, what the fuck I'm dropping off, who the fuck I'm meeting. All I know is Maxie's still pissed at me cause I sold his fucking van. You sold it? I thought they stole it. -You sold it? I thought they stole it. Sold it, stole it, whatever... -Sold it, stole it, whatever... Motherfucker... -Motherfucker... Oh, give me a break. Don't tell me you feel bad for the guy. -Oh, give me a break. Don't tell me you feel bad for the guy. You gotta be kidding me. I vouched for you. -You gotta be kidding me. I vouched for you. Relax. I'll do right by him. You know that. -Relax. I'll do right by him. You know that. You just don't fucking get it, do you? -You just don't fucking get it, do you? You know he fucks all his girls, don't you? -You know he fucks all his girls, don't you? What the fuck is that supposed -- -What the fuck is that supposed -- I mean, that's what I heard -- -I mean, that's what I heard -- You got something to say -- -You know this guy? His names Horrace. Horrace, this is Ricky Slade. -This shit's sketchy. Why do they drop us in the middle of nowhere to have the guy we're supposed to meet come meet us just to tell us we have to meet the same guy somewhere else? I don't know. -I don't know. Well, I thought you understood and I was just missing it. -Well, I thought you understood and I was just missing it. Missing what? He didn't say shit. -Missing what? He didn't say shit. Yeah, but you know Horrace. What did you get off him? -Yeah, but you know Horrace. What did you get off him? What did I 'get?' -What did I 'get?' Yeah. What vibe? -Yeah. What vibe? I detected no vibe other than that Ruiz thinks you're a fucking idiot. -I detected no vibe other than that Ruiz thinks you're a fucking idiot. Yo, fuck him, man. Calling us guineas... -Yo, fuck him, man. Calling us guineas... What do you give a shit what he calls us? He's not our friend. Let's just get this shit over with and go home. What's this place we're going to, Jimmy? -So is this the drop? Like I said, I don't know. -Like I said, I don't know. He woulda told us right? -He woulda told us right? You would think. -Yeah. So we're working? -You happy? About what? -About what? Why you gotta make everything difficult? -Why you gotta make everything difficult? You too? -You too? Yeah, me too. You're a fucking bull in a china shop. -Yeah, me too. You're a fucking bull in a china shop. Fuck this. -Where do you think you're going? Back in. -Back in. You fucking nuts? -You fucking nuts? Work's over. I'm gonna party. -Work's over. I'm gonna party. You can't go in there. They know you're with Ruiz. -You can't go in there. They know you're with Ruiz. You got that right. -You got that right. Fuck you. Go then. I'm taking the car. -Fuck you. Go then. I'm taking the car. Fine. -Look who's back? Want some champagne? Do not put this on Ruiz's tab. Start a new one. -Do not put this on Ruiz's tab. Start a new one. Damn right. Bring us two bottles of Dom Champs and here, take fifty in case I call you bitch later when I'm drunk. Siddown, motherfucker. 'Sex and paychecks.' -What the fuck's going on? Dude, get back out there. You gotta help me get them in the hot tub. Hang on girls! Just get out there. I'll be right out. You know how I do. -Dude, get back out there. You gotta help me get them in the hot tub. Hang on girls! Just get out there. I'll be right out. You know how I do. Yeah, I know how you do. I know how you do. I've heard your kibbles and bits all fucking night. You've been shaking your ass like an unemployed clown. How the room's a boiling pot of sugar water. How you're gonna dip a string into it and make rockcandy. Who wants to play 'Just the tip?' Dancing around like a smacked ass. Oh, and that coat check girl you've been dragging around as 'insurance' doesn't even speak English. -What the hell did you do? I swear to God, I didn't do anything. -What the fuck was that about? She was jonesing for me. -Hi. It's Ruiz. Yeah. So the driver knows where to go? When? We'll be down in five. No, I'll tell him. He's right there. Bye. What's up? -What's up? He wants to see us now. -He wants to see us now. Where? -Where? He said it's being arranged. He said Jimmy will know. -He said it's being arranged. He said Jimmy will know. We're getting whacked. -We're getting whacked. We're not getting whacked. -We're not getting whacked. Why else you think he won't tell us where the sit down is? -Why else you think he won't tell us where the sit down is? It's not a 'sit down.' He said he's telling us the plan. -What are you doing. I got a bad feeling, man. I don't want to go in naked. -I got a bad feeling, man. I don't want to go in naked. You gonna shank him in the shower? -You gonna shank him in the shower? Is it so unrealistic to think Ruiz, who doesn't even want us here, is throwing us to the wolves? As an apology? And I don't even know what we're dropping off or picking up -- -Is it so unrealistic to think Ruiz, who doesn't even want us here, is throwing us to the wolves? As an apology? And I don't even know what we're dropping off or picking up -- We're getting ahead of ourselves. We haven't gotten any sleep. Let's just keep our mouthes shut and not make any mistakes. Now hurry up and get your shit on so we're not late and make things worse. -Put that shit out... C'mon, man... -C'mon, man... I swear to God, I'll fucking puke. -I swear to God, I'll fucking puke. Hey, Jimmy, where they taking us? -Hey, Jimmy, where they taking us? Yeah. Where they gonna whack us? -Nothing, man. You want us strapped, don't you? -Let's do it. I'm your soldier. -Let's check out the penguins. The what? -The what? The penguin house. -The penguin house. Wait a minute. You want to look at fucking penguins now? -Wait a minute. You want to look at fucking penguins now? Yeah. Let's look at the penguins. -Yeah. Let's look at the penguins. Did you hear what he just said? -Did you hear what he just said? Whatever. We're here. We may as well go to the penguin house. -Whatever. We're here. We may as well go to the penguin house. I'm tired and I'm scared, and I'm not looking at fucking penguins. -We need guns. We don't need guns. -We don't need guns. I'm pretty sure we do. -I'm pretty sure we do. I listened extremely carefully. Nothing was even vaguely implied. He even laughed in your face when you asked him -I listened extremely carefully. Nothing was even vaguely implied. He even laughed in your face when you asked him All the more reason. -All the more reason. You wouldn't even know where to get one. -You wouldn't even know where to get one. Wanna bet? -Wanna bet? You couldn't even get a hand job from bridge and tunnel posse, how you gonna get a gun? -You couldn't even get a hand job from bridge and tunnel posse, how you gonna get a gun? That's cause you decided to get all tired all of a sudden. -That's cause you decided to get all tired all of a sudden. It was six in the fucking morning. -It was six in the fucking morning. Float me a hundred bucks. -Float me a hundred bucks. Why? -Why? You wanna see how fast I get a gun? -You wanna see how fast I get a gun? You're out of money? -You're out of money? No. -No. What do you have left? -What do you have left? Eighty. -Eighty. Eighty bucks?!? -Eighty bucks?!? Eighty five. -Eighty five. What happened to the fifteen hundred? -What happened to the fifteen hundred? You coulda picked up a tab every once in a while. -You coulda picked up a tab every once in a while. I did! I paid for half the fuckin drinks! -I did! I paid for half the fuckin drinks! You did? -You did? Yes I did. You asshole! What about the room? -Yes I did. You asshole! What about the room? What about it? -What about it? They only cover one fifty in incidentals. You've been ordering fucking... Motherfucker... -Calm down. I fucking vouched for you. I vouched for you and you fucked me. -I fucking vouched for you. I vouched for you and you fucked me. This shit's peanuts compared to what we're gonna make with Maxie. -This shit's peanuts compared to what we're gonna make with Maxie. Ricky. I'm trying to save this money. Understand? I'm trying to make it so my girlfriend doesn't have to grind her ass into other men's erections so her daughter can go to private school. -Ricky. I'm trying to save this money. Understand? I'm trying to make it so my girlfriend doesn't have to grind her ass into other men's erections so her daughter can go to private school. I'm sorry... -I'm sorry... This is horseshit. It coulda been so easy. -This is horseshit. It coulda been so easy. It's gonna be fine. -It's gonna be fine. No more, man. -No more, man. Let's get some sleep. That's what we need, man. Sleep. -Let's get some sleep. That's what we need, man. Sleep. How we gonna sleep? We only got a few hours til dinner. -How we gonna sleep? We only got a few hours til dinner. So what do we do? -So what do we do? Let's just go now and wait. -Let's just go now and wait. Three and a half hours? -Three and a half hours? I don't want to take any more chances. -I don't want to take any more chances. Let's just go get guns, I'd feel better. -Let's just go get guns, I'd feel better. Don't fuck around. You're gonna get us all killed. -Don't fuck around. You're gonna get us all killed. Think about it: You knocked out that Jewish kid's tooth, cost him eight grand, maybe more. Maybe lost his whole line of clientele? He knows you're fucking up Jess' dancing, and I got a feeling he knows I stole his carpet cleaning van by the way he looks at me. He can't kill us in LA cause that leads to too many questions. So he flies us out here first class for a 'drop' that's turned into whatever? He can make us disappear out here real nice... -Think about it: You knocked out that Jewish kid's tooth, cost him eight grand, maybe more. Maybe lost his whole line of clientele? He knows you're fucking up Jess' dancing, and I got a feeling he knows I stole his carpet cleaning van by the way he looks at me. He can't kill us in LA cause that leads to too many questions. So he flies us out here first class for a 'drop' that's turned into whatever? He can make us disappear out here real nice... Where do you get this shit? -Where do you get this shit? Scenario B. I think I'm getting under Ruiz's skin. I'm no dummy. He doesn't like how it went down with the Red Drag -- Welshman, whatever. Now I got Fruitpie the Magician telling me I can't call my man Max? And that Welshman's sketchy. Whatever, I don't know where it's coming, which way it's coming from, I'm telling you one thing right now, I'm not gonna be late for the dance. -Scenario B. I think I'm getting under Ruiz's skin. I'm no dummy. He doesn't like how it went down with the Red Drag -- Welshman, whatever. Now I got Fruitpie the Magician telling me I can't call my man Max? And that Welshman's sketchy. Whatever, I don't know where it's coming, which way it's coming from, I'm telling you one thing right now, I'm not gonna be late for the dance. You're not getting a gun. -Look. They're together. You telling me this ain't a set-up? Easy... -Holy shit. Get me back to Manhattan. Take us right to Kennedy. Now. -Dude, we were practically made... I'll drop you off in a minute. I want to see if the baby's up. You wanna come in? -I'll drop you off in a minute. I want to see if the baby's up. You wanna come in? No. I'll wait here. -No. I'll wait here. I'll be a minute. -Hey, boys. Tom. How's it going? -Tom. How's it going? Fine, fine. And you were...? -Fine, fine. And you were...? Bobby and Ricky. -Bobby and Ricky. Right, right. The 'thugs.' -C'mon... Fuck... -We rep lines? You know? Fashion? And you grew up in Manhattan? -And you grew up in Manhattan? Kinda. Yeah. -Kinda. Yeah. What do you mean 'kinda?' -I don't wear a white wig, I don't carry a gavel. That's a good idea, maybe I will! -Where's the surprise? You want your surprise? -You want your surprise? Yeah. I want it. -Yeah. I want it. Well, come on then. It's back here. -You want to come splash around. I'm just warning you, I can't swim. -I want to leave right now. I didn't do anything -- -Watch out, man. Sorry. I'm on the list, man. Hey, bro. The line's over there. -The line's over there. Yeah, but, we're good. You know what I mean? -Yeah, but, we're good. You know what I mean? How is it you're good? You on a list? -How is it you're good? You on a list? Yeah. Ricky Slade. -Yeah. Ricky Slade. You see a Ricky Slade? -Cardiff Giant? What? -What? Cardiff Giant. Just check. -Cardiff Giant. Just check. Maybe you wanna try the China Club. -Maybe you wanna try the China Club. Again with the fucking China Club! What do I look like a fucking Persian to you? -Again with the fucking China Club! What do I look like a fucking Persian to you? Hey. I'm half Lebanese. -Did you see that shit? Motherfucker. You let in fucking Screech, dude? I'm waiting and you let in Screech? He's on the list. -He's on the list. Show me. Show me where it says Screech on the fucking list. -What's up, man. S'up. -S'up. You look big, man. Diesel. You been lifting? -You look big, man. Diesel. You been lifting? A little. -A little. You look good, man. -You look good, man. Cool. See you later. -Cool. See you later. Cool. -Yes? Yeah, uh, what's the movie? -Yeah, uh, what's the movie? It's in your copy of Hemispheres. I believe it's Mickey Blue Eyes. -It's in your copy of Hemispheres. I believe it's Mickey Blue Eyes. Ugh... -Ugh... I'll get you the list of videos, if you don't mind, I'll offer the other passengers a beverage. -I'll get you the list of videos, if you don't mind, I'll offer the other passengers a beverage. Yeah, sure. How much are they? -Yeah, sure. How much are they? How much is what? -How much is what? The videos. -The videos. You're up front. Everything's free up here. -Yes? Drinks are free, right? -Drinks are free, right? Yes. Would you care for another one? -Yes. Would you care for another one? Yes. -Yes. Where do you live? -Where do you live? Excuse me. -Excuse me. Where do you live? -Where do you live? I operate out of the Chicago O'Hare hub. Can I help you with anything else? -I operate out of the Chicago O'Hare hub. Can I help you with anything else? Yeah. Me and my boy here are gonna be in New York overnight. I want you to pass the word around to the honeys back in business class that you all got plans for tonight. I'm talkin' a California style, Tupac, gangster pool party back at the hotel. And make that drink a double. -Where's Spa. Jimmy knows. 13th Street. We'll meet you there. -How do you know it's not drugs? Maxie knows I don't go near drugs. I did a minute in Quentin for possession with intent. And it ain't now cause he woulda told me. -Maxie knows I don't go near drugs. I did a minute in Quentin for possession with intent. And it ain't now cause he woulda told me. You strapped? -You strapped? 'Strapped?' -'Strapped?' It means you got a gun? -It means you got a gun? I know what 'strapped' means, motherfucker. What the fuck you think this shit is? '21 Jump Street?' Cool out, they're coming back. Just throw up your screw face and don't speak unless spoken to. -Don't drag my ass into this -- He spoke to me. You want me to dis him? -I'm not saying shit to neither of you. Why? What I say bad? -Why? What I say bad? What the fuck, 'Red Dragon?' -What the fuck, 'Red Dragon?' What? Why am I bad? -See you later. You really in trouble? -You really in trouble? Stop. -Stop. I'll tell him someone else told me. -I'll tell him someone else told me. Just don't ask me no more shit. -The Welsh dude, sees all these niggers in perms and diamonds and shit, he gets nervous. But you motherfuckers, he just laughs. All beat up in your babaloo suit like Fruitpie the Magician. So we just go eat with him and that's gonna solve everything? -So we just go eat with him and that's gonna solve everything? Dude, you just gotta settle your shit down. You gotta go and say all that 'Red Dragon' shit. Make him think he's on Barretta. -Dude, you just gotta settle your shit down. You gotta go and say all that 'Red Dragon' shit. Make him think he's on Barretta. Like you were doing any better shucking and jiving like you were waiting for wings outside the Quick and Split. -Ow, shit... Watch it... -I'm half Irish. I don't fuck with those crazy, off- the-boat fuckin Irish. You heard of the Westies?. -And where is...? Ruiz? Oh, he ain't here. -Ruiz? Oh, he ain't here. No? -No? Nah, see, Maxie just asked him to set that shit up as a favor. He, you know, he tied in with the club. Set us up so, you know, you feel at home. -Nah, see, Maxie just asked him to set that shit up as a favor. He, you know, he tied in with the club. Set us up so, you know, you feel at home. Well, I didn't care for the club much. And, I must say, I didn't care for him either. -Well, I didn't care for the club much. And, I must say, I didn't care for him either. Well, he ain't gonna be around no more. -Well, he ain't gonna be around no more. Pity. What's say we have a drink? -No shit? Does anyone want another? -Does anyone want another? You want another drink? -Sure. Anyplace in particular? I hear the China Club is a laugh. -What do you want? A little Charlie, perhaps. -A little Charlie, perhaps. Coke? -Coke? I've heard you've got the best coke in the States. The shit back home is pants. -I've heard you've got the best coke in the States. The shit back home is pants. That shouldn't be a problem. -Sorry, mates. Now there isn't even enough to go around... Don't worry, man. It's all for you. -Don't worry, man. It's all for you. No, really, mate? -No, really, mate? Here... -Here they are, then. How's it going? -How's it going? Brilliantly. Care for a pint? -Brilliantly. Care for a pint? No, thanks, man. We got to head out. -No, thanks, man. We got to head out. Come, now. You just got here. -Come, now. You just got here. That's alright, man. It's a little early for me to drink. -Sorry about that. Where's your mate? Couldn't make it. Here's the money. -I can't yet vouch for the amount, unless you want me to sit here and count. No, man, that's fine. Just put that you took delivery. -I... I just hired these guys to watch my back... Motherfucker, we're handing you money. What the hell we gonna pull? -Yeah. Jimmy? Ruiz. Pick up Maxie's guineas at LUNA and bring them to Spa. Jimmy's bringing the car around. Me and Ho rode sleds. We'll meet you at Spa in the VIP room. -Good morning. You think this shit's funny, Ho? -You think this shit's funny, Ho? Nah, man... -Nah, man... You think it's funny, motherfucker? -Last thing I want is you with a gun. Word. -Ricky. Soho Grand, right? -Is it nice? The Soho Grand? -The Soho Grand? Yeah. -Yeah. You're from LA, right? -You're from LA, right? Yeah. -Yeah. You'll love it. -So whenever we want... Yeah. Grab one of the cards behind you. Call that number. It's my cell. -Yeah. Grab one of the cards behind you. Call that number. It's my cell. So you're our own private guy? -So you're our own private guy? I handle most of Cardiff Giant's stuff. -I handle most of Cardiff Giant's stuff. You know my pager number? -You know my pager number? No. What is it? -No. What is it? I don't know. I thought you might. Any idea what the job is? -I don't know. I thought you might. Any idea what the job is? The 'job?' Alls I know is I'm taking you to the Soho Grand. -A lot of Persians? Not usually. Mostly Trustafarians. -I call 'em wiggers. Different. -Sure. You boys want anything? Yeah, bring us four fernet. -Yeah, bring us four fernet. Four fernet. -Nigger, please. Don't even order that artichoke shit. West side guineas. Forget the drinks, Leo. We gotta roll. What do I owe you? We're square. -We're square. Thanks, man. You need anything, you call. -Thanks, man. You need anything, you call. Thanks. -Thanks. You rode? -Can I borrow a piece of -- Go ahead. Open the fuckin things. You should each find fifteen hundred -- -dollars in c-notes, a numeric pager, a double-A battery, and a first class round-trip ticket to JFK. We're going to New York? -We're going to New York? Yes. You're going to New York. -Yes. You're going to New York. And the money. Where do we bring the money? -And the money. Where do we bring the money? That money is your per diem. -That money is your per diem. And where do we bring it? -Yeah. You will not carry any other pagers with you. You will not carry anything, for that matter, that I have not just given you. -You will not carry any other pagers with you. You will not carry anything, for that matter, that I have not just given you. Keys. -Keys. What? -What? What about my keys? -What about my keys? You can carry your keys. You will not mention my name or imply that you are in my employ. You will not speak to anyone while you are working. When you are not working, you are considered to be 'on call' and available twenty-four hours a day. This means you will not get drunk or do anything that will prevent you from operating in a professional manner. There is already a number in your pager's memory. It is a car service. When they ask you what account, you will respond: 'Cardiff Giant.' They will pick you up and take you anywhere you need to go. In other words, there is no reason why you should not reach any destination that you will be called upon to reach within fifteen minutes. Do you see a pattern forming? -You can carry your keys. You will not mention my name or imply that you are in my employ. You will not speak to anyone while you are working. When you are not working, you are considered to be 'on call' and available twenty-four hours a day. This means you will not get drunk or do anything that will prevent you from operating in a professional manner. There is already a number in your pager's memory. It is a car service. When they ask you what account, you will respond: 'Cardiff Giant.' They will pick you up and take you anywhere you need to go. In other words, there is no reason why you should not reach any destination that you will be called upon to reach within fifteen minutes. Do you see a pattern forming? Yes. -I get it. Tell me. -Tell me. Don't worry. I get it. -Don't worry. I get it. So tell me how it is. -So tell me how it is. You want... Why are you picking on me? -You want... Why are you picking on me? Because you lost my fucking carpet cleaning van and I don't like you. -So, wait, what are we dropping off? Goodbye. -I never intended to test you two to that extent, but you both came through. I should've been informed there was a flag on the play, but I'll take that up with Ruiz. I made a few calls back East. Those punks weren't tied in with anyone. As for the Welshman, he wasn't in on it. He was just plain dumb. As for you, Ricky, your draw will go towards a new carpet cleaning van. But, Max -- -But, Max -- We're square. -We're square. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. And, as for you, Bobby, you just moved up a notch. Your days of fighting for crumbs is through. Take a week off, come back, and we'll talk about the next thing. -No. I'll take a strega. What, motherfucker? You drinking 'the witch' after dinner? -What, motherfucker? You drinking 'the witch' after dinner? Yeah. That fernet tastes like tar. My grandfather tried to give me that. -Yeah. That fernet tastes like tar. My grandfather tried to give me that. Some fuckin guineas he sent me. It's midnight and the motherfucker's ordering an apertif. -Some fuckin guineas he sent me. It's midnight and the motherfucker's ordering an apertif. It's a digestif. -We don't know any drill. Nobody told us anything. Maxie told you to keep your mouth shut while you're working, right? -What the fuck you think, I wanna 'hang' with you motherfuckers? Yeah you're working. And put down the champagne. She poured it for -- -She poured it for -- Far as she knows you're John Gotti. Now put the shit down and act like you got some ass. -What the fuck was you told? Don't talk, right? Unless spoken to, ain't that right, Horrace. Didn't you say that? -No... Four mimosas. You'll love them. So here's the plan. I didn't say shit to Maxie, cause the man has acute angina, and I don't want to get him all worked up. -Four mimosas. You'll love them. So here's the plan. I didn't say shit to Maxie, cause the man has acute angina, and I don't want to get him all worked up. He has a cute what...? -Who's gonna outfit us? Outfit? What's he talking about? -The Red Dragon. Shut it, man. Shut it. Tom is a square. He don't but dabble in shit. Maxie had me hook up a loan-back with him, through an Austrian passbook account. -Shut it, man. Shut it. Tom is a square. He don't but dabble in shit. Maxie had me hook up a loan-back with him, through an Austrian passbook account. So, we're talking money laundering... -So, we're talking money laundering... Will you tell Peter Jennings to shut up and fucking listen. The shit's as routine as you get. I coulda turned it over offshore in a week, but Maxie likes to do it all his way. Safe. I coulda dropped the bag alone. It's only two hundred G's. But he sent you all. So I can either send you home and tell Maxie, or we can flush the toilet one more time and hope it all goes down. -Yeah. What? -What? When all this is over and we're not working for Maxie, I'd love to run into you on the street. Why aren't you coming? -When all this is over and we're not working for Maxie, I'd love to run into you on the street. Why aren't you coming? That's none of your fucking business. -And here I thought you flew in some out of town muscle. How's it going, men? So, you must be the Red Dragon. -Well, that's news to me. The name's Tom. Mmmm-hmm. Where's the, uh, 'Dragon's lair?' Where do you live? -Mmmm-hmm. Where's the, uh, 'Dragon's lair?' Where do you live? Edinburgh. -Edinburgh. And where might that be? -And where might that be? Scotland. -Scotland. Well, word on the street is you're Welsh. -Well, word on the street is you're Welsh. I am. -I am. A rose by any other name would -- -Dip? Yeah. This shit's fucking brilliant. I just fucking love the fact that you have kids driving around in pickup trucks with a mouthful of this shit, speeding their brains out. I gotta bring a case of it home to my mates. It's illegal back home, you know. -I'll get it. Who's up for a night on the town. -Sit down. We ain't fixing to eat you. You look brand new in town. Pretty handy with a bottle. He had it coming. -What they call you? Red, and I ain't no punk. -Red, and I ain't no punk. You better not be. Cause if a cat toe you down in this town, you better stand up or make tracks. -I'm working trains. Selling. Bet you like that shit. -Bet you like that shit. Keeps me out of the army. -Keeps me out of the army. When they want your ass, won't nothing keep you out. -When they want your ass, won't nothing keep you out. Not this boy... I ain't fighting their war. I got my own. Right chere. Heard tell you're a good man to know. -Not this boy... I ain't fighting their war. I got my own. Right chere. Heard tell you're a good man to know. Heard where? -Heard where? Where I come from. Boston. -Sombitch and I ain't never been to Beantown. Man's rep travels. -Man's rep travels. How 'bout that? -You ain't bullshitting me, is you, boy? My papa taught me one thing: don't never bullshit a West Indian bullshit artist. -Is your papa West Indian? No, my mama. She's from Grenada. -No, my mama. She's from Grenada. I like you, country. -Where can I get a hold of you? YOU can't. I'll get a hold of you. -YOU can't. I'll get a hold of you. Lemme write it down for you. -Don't never write nothing down. File it up here, like I do. 'Cause if they can't find no paper they ain't got no proof. Ya dig? Yes, sir. -Did you just now con me? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Why? -Why? 'Cause I want in. And it don't take a lot to know you there, daddy. -I like your heart and I like your style. You might just do, Little. Lessen you got to git back to that train job. I done told the man what he could do with his train. -I done told the man what he could do with his train. When? -When? Just now. -You looking good, Little. Real clean. Clean as the Board of Health. But you missing something. What? -What? Frisk me, baby. Give me a real pat down. -How's it feel? Solid, daddy. -Solid, daddy. Okay, baby. Now you outfitted. You ready to tackle the street? -Okay, baby. Now you outfitted. You ready to tackle the street? Let 'em come. I'm ready. -I told you less paper, less trouble. I'm working on it. -I'm working on it. I keep all my numbers in my head. I've never written any down. -It hit? Nnnnnnn! -Ain't nuthin' in the world to give you that real deep cool. Like girl. You there? I'm there, daddy. Wheww. I'm cool enough to kill. -I'm there, daddy. Wheww. I'm cool enough to kill. Bet you are. -Sometimes you got a big ugly mouth. Yeah, and I'm putting my money where my ugly mouth is. I'm putting you back in the numbers right now. Baby, what's today? -1, 2, 8; 2, 8, 1. I git 'em all? I'll take your goddam bet. -Daddy, where's my money? What you talking? -What you talking? You owe me six big ones. -1, 2, 8 hit, didn't it? You din't have no 1, 2, 8. -You din't have no 1, 2, 8. Was you that high? Old man, I threw the slats at you. I said to combinate me. -Was you that high? Old man, I threw the slats at you. I said to combinate me. You never had it. -You never had it. The bitch was there. -Shit, what else she gonna say? Then skip it, man. But you slipping, baby. You done slipped. -Oh, sit down, man. What you tasting? I'm buying. I ain't drinking hot piss with you. Come on, Sam. -You're a damn liar. You _took_ me, you bastard, and now I'm taking you. -You _took_ me, you bastard, and now I'm taking you. It's me or you, ain't it, Pops? -It's me or you, ain't it, Pops? You know it. -You know it. I'll give you back the 600. -I'll give you back the 600. I don't want your money. -I don't want your money. I'm wearing, Archie. -I'm wearing, Archie. There's two guns on you. -And every cat's watching, ain't they? It's a toe-down. That's what it is. Walk on out. -That's what it is. Walk on out. Let Billie finish. -Let Billie finish. Now. -Take it easy, baby. That really you, Red? -You saved my life, Archie. Running me out of Harlem. When I think how close we came to gunning each other down, I have to thank Allah. I wasn't gonna shoot you, baby. It was just my rep, that's all. And don't shit me now, but did you have that number? Tell me. -I wasn't gonna shoot you, baby. It was just my rep, that's all. And don't shit me now, but did you have that number? Tell me. I don't know. It doesn't matter. The thing is we got to get you back on your feet. -I don't know. It doesn't matter. The thing is we got to get you back on your feet. Yeah. I got a couple a new angles ain't been figured yet. All I need's a stake and a chance -- -Yeah. I got a couple a new angles ain't been figured yet. All I need's a stake and a chance -- Can you use a few bucks? I ain't got much, but -- -Can you use a few bucks? I ain't got much, but -- No, man, I'm doing okay. Thanks. -No, man, I'm doing okay. Thanks. Take it easy. Lay down and don't think about it. -Take it easy. Lay down and don't think about it. Yeah. -Yeah. You could of been something, Archie, but the devil got to you. -Man live by his rep. That's a fact. What you do, boy? -Yeah, got to do something about you. You putting a hurtin' on my vision. -The dirty yellow rat bastard. Don't push it. You way ahead. You back on top. That boy loves you, man. -Don't push it. You way ahead. You back on top. That boy loves you, man. What you say? -What you say? He gave it to you, Archie. He did. -Who the hell are you? Put it in a cup of water. It's nutmeg. -Put it in a cup of water. It's nutmeg. Man, what do you want? -Man, what do you want? You need something. It's not a reefer, but it'll help some. -You need something. It's not a reefer, but it'll help some. Man, get outa my face. I ain't nobody's punk. -If you ain't trying to punk me, what's your hype? I can show you how to get out of prison. And it's no hype. -I can show you how to get out of prison. And it's no hype. Talk, daddy, I'm listening. Hey that ain't bad. You got some more? -Talk, daddy, I'm listening. Hey that ain't bad. You got some more? That's the last stuff you'll ever get from me. -That's the last stuff you'll ever get from me. What did you give it to me for then? -What did you give it to me for then? 'Cause you needed it. 'Cause you couldn't hear me without it. -You ain't lying. When you go busting your fists against a stone wall, you're not using your brains. Cause that's what the white man wants you to do. Look at you. -Putting all that poison in your hair. Man, you been locked up too long, everybody conks. All the cats. -Man, you been locked up too long, everybody conks. All the cats. Why? Why does everybody conk? -Why? Why does everybody conk? Cause I don't want to walk around with my head all nappy, looking like -- -Cause I don't want to walk around with my head all nappy, looking like -- Like what? Looking like me? Like a nigger?! Why don't you want to look like what you are? What makes you ashamed of being black? -Like what? Looking like me? Like a nigger?! Why don't you want to look like what you are? What makes you ashamed of being black? I ain't said I'm ashamed. -Leggo. I got to wash it out. Let it burn. Maybe you'll hear me then. -Sure, burn yourself, pain yourself, put all that poison into your hair, into your body -- trying to be white. Man, I don't want to hear all that. -Man, I don't want to hear all that. I thought you was smart. But you just another one of them cats strutting down the avenue in your clown suit with all that mess on you. Like a monkey. And the white man sees you and he laughs. He laughs because he knows you ain't white. -The question is, who are you? You are in the darkness, but it's not your fault. Elijah Muhammad can bring you into the light. Elijah who? -Elijah who? Elijah Muhammad can get you out of prison. Out of the prison of your mind. Maybe all you want is another fix. I thought you were smart. -What you sniffing around for? I told you I gave you your last fix. I ain't never seen a cat like you. Ain't you scared talking like that in front of an ofay? -I ain't never seen a cat like you. Ain't you scared talking like that in front of an ofay? What's he gonna do to me he ain't already done? -What's he gonna do to me he ain't already done? "You the only cat don't come on with that ""Whatcha know, daddy"" jive; and you don't cuss none." -"You the only cat don't come on with that ""Whatcha know, daddy"" jive; and you don't cuss none." I respect myself. A man cuss because he hasn't got the words to say what's on his mind. -I respect myself. A man cuss because he hasn't got the words to say what's on his mind. Tell you this: you ain't no fool. -Tell you this: you ain't no fool. Don't con me. Don't try... -Don't con me. Don't try... Okay, okay. -Okay, okay. Don't con me. -Don't con me. What do you do with your time? -What do you do with your time? I read. I study. Because the first thing a black man has to do is respect himself. Respect his body and his mind. Quit taking the white man's poison into your body: his cigarettes, his dope, his liquor, his white woman, his pork. -I read. I study. Because the first thing a black man has to do is respect himself. Respect his body and his mind. Quit taking the white man's poison into your body: his cigarettes, his dope, his liquor, his white woman, his pork. That's what Mama used to say. -That's what Mama used to say. Your mama had sense because the pig is a filthy beast: part rat, part cat, and the rest is dog. -Come on, daddy, pull my coat. What happens if you give all that up? You get sick or somethin'? I pulled a hustle once and got out of the draft. I'm telling you God's words, not no hustle. I'm talking the words of Elijah, the black man's God. I'm telling you, boy, that God is black. -I'm telling you God's words, not no hustle. I'm talking the words of Elijah, the black man's God. I'm telling you, boy, that God is black. What? Everybody knows God is White. -What? Everybody knows God is White. But everything the white man taught you, you learned. He told you you were a black heathen and you believed him. He told you how he took you out of darkness and brought you to the light. And you believed him. He taught you to worship a blond, blue-eyed God with white skin -- and you believed him. He told you black was a curse, you believed him. Did you ever look up the word black in the dictionary? -But everything the white man taught you, you learned. He told you you were a black heathen and you believed him. He told you how he took you out of darkness and brought you to the light. And you believed him. He taught you to worship a blond, blue-eyed God with white skin -- and you believed him. He told you black was a curse, you believed him. Did you ever look up the word black in the dictionary? What for? -What for? Did you ever study anything wasn't part of some con? -Did you ever study anything wasn't part of some con? What the hell for, man? -What the hell for, man? Go on, fool; the marble shooters are waiting for you. -Go on, fool; the marble shooters are waiting for you. Okay, okay. Show me, man. -I can't make out that shit. Soiled with dirt, foul; sullen, hostile, forbidding -- as a black day. Foully or outrageously wicked, as black cruelty. Indicating disgrace, dishonor or culpability. -That's bullshit. That's a white man's book. Ain't all these white man's books? They sure ain't no black man's books in here. -They sure ain't no black man's books in here. Then what you telling me to study in them for? -Then what you telling me to study in them for? You got to learn everything the white man says and use it against him. The truth is laying there if you smart and read behind their words. It's buried there. You got to dig it out. -You got to learn everything the white man says and use it against him. The truth is laying there if you smart and read behind their words. It's buried there. You got to dig it out. Man, how'm I gonna know the ones worth looking at? -Man, I'm studying in the man's book. I don't dig half the words. Look 'em up and and out what they mean. -Look 'em up and and out what they mean. Where am I gonna start? -Where am I gonna start? Start at the beginning. Page one, the first one. Here -- -Aardvark, noun. An earth pig; an ant- eating African mammal. Man, that sounds like the dozens. Read it and keep on reading. -Ole Pete ain't much in the head, but he can lay in there with the wood. Lemme tell you about history: black history. You listening? -You pitch, baby; I'll ketch. The first men on earth were black. They ruled and there was not one white face anywhere. But they teach us that we lived in caves and swung from trees. Black men were never like that. -Sure, white man throw us a bone and that's supposed to make us forget 400 years. A black man playing big league ball is something. -A black man playing big league ball is something. I told you to go behind the words and dig out the truth. They let us sing and dance and smile -- and now they let one black man in the majors. That don't cancel out the greatest crime in history. When that blue- eyed devil locked us in chains -- 100,000,000 of us -- broke up our families, tortured us, cut us off from our language, our religion, our history. -Little. No. That's the name of the slave- master who owned your family. You don't even know who you are. You're nothing. Less than nothing. A zero. Who are you? -I'm not Malcolm Little and I'm not Satan. Who are you? -Allah has sent us a prophet, a black man named Elijah Muhammad. For if God is black, Malcolm -- Then the devil is white. -Then the devil is white. I knew you'd hear me. The white man is the devil. All white men are devils. -I knew you'd hear me. The white man is the devil. All white men are devils. I sure met some. -I sure met some. "No. Elijah Muhammad does not say ""that white man is a devil."" He teaches us that the white man is the devil. All white men." -The body is a holy repository. I will not touch the white man's poison: his drugs, his liquor, his carrion, his women. -I will not touch the white man's poison: his drugs, his liquor, his carrion, his women. A Muslim must be strikingly upright. Outstanding. So those in the darkness can see the power of the light. -I will do it. But the key to Islam is submission. That is why twice daily we turn to Mecca, to the Holy of Holies, to pray. We bend our knees in submission. -I can't. For evil to bend its knee, admit its guilt, implore His forgiveness, is the hardest thing on earth -- -For evil to bend its knee, admit its guilt, implore His forgiveness, is the hardest thing on earth -- I want to, Bembry, but I can't. -I want to, Bembry, but I can't. -- the hardest and the greatest. --- the hardest and the greatest. I can't. -I can't. For evil to bend its knee, admit its guilt, implore His forgiveness, is the hardest thing on earth -- -For evil to bend its knee, admit its guilt, implore His forgiveness, is the hardest thing on earth -- I want to, Bembry, but I can't. -I want to, Bembry, but I can't. -- the hardest and the greatest. --- the hardest and the greatest. I don't know what to say to Allah. -I don't know what to say to Allah. Have you ever bent your knees, Malcolm? -Yeah. When I was picking a lock to rob somebody's house. Tell Him that. -Tell Him that. I don't know how. -I don't know how. You can grovel and crawl for sin, but not to save your soul. Pick the lock, Malcolm; pick it. -You can grovel and crawl for sin, but not to save your soul. Pick the lock, Malcolm; pick it. I want to. God knows I want to. -Brother Bembry, can we fix it so our loudspeaker is heard on the street? I'm sure we can. This is a new sister, Sister Betty. -Now about our coming up in the world a little. You're not naive. You're a man of the world. The Movement's grown; we've grown with it. You know folks. They want their leaders to be prosperous. One hand washes the other. """I'm telling you God's words, not to hustle.""" -"""I'm telling you God's words, not to hustle.""" You want a new car? You want a new house? Is that it? It's the money, right? -What can I do for you? Mr. X, I was out there tonight. I saw what you did. I want to be a Muslim. I ain't never seen a Negro stand up to the police like that. -Do you? Not exactly, but I want to be one, like you. -Not exactly, but I want to be one, like you. I admire your enthusiasm but you should never join any organization without first checking it out thoroughly. -We need more young warriors like yourself, stick around and we shall see if your heart is true. Mr. X, I won't make you out a liar. -I'll have it tomorrow. Brother Benjamin, do not rush, it has to be exact. -You are now Benjamin 2X. All praises are due to Allah. Thank you, Brother Minister. -All praises are due to Allah. Thank you, Brother Minister. Come, sit with us. -Is the program ready? No, Brother Minister. -No, Brother Minister. Why not? You've had ample time, you and the sister. -Folks are sitting out there today, not next week, expecting to hear our program. Next week, Brother Minister. -Next week, Brother Minister. Has the Reverend called? Is he going to show? -Make it plain. And now, without further remarks, I present to you one who is willing to put himself on the line for you -- -What? She ate. -Sure I'll speak to your class. But I'm a hard man on women. You want to know why? If you want to tell me. -Women talk too much. To tell a woman not to talk is like telling Jesse James not to carry a gun or a hen not to cackle. And Samson, the strongest man that ever lived, was destroyed by the woman who slept in his arms. Shall I tell my sisters that we oppose marriage? -What points? That you haven't time for either marriage or eating -- -Considering today's standards of animal raising and curing meats, I don't fully understand the restriction on pork. Let me explain. No. I'll do better than that. I'll show it to you. Scientifically. But it's demonstration purely in the interest of science, you understand? -I see your point. So it is not a matter of the breeding conditions or preparation of the meat. The meat itself is foul. -Could we sit down someplace? I'm sorry. I've had you on your feet for hours. -I'm sorry. I've had you on your feet for hours. You've been on your feet for days. And didn't even finish your salad. -That's something I haven't done in fifteen years. What? -What? Sat down with a pretty girl and had an ice cream soda. -Sat down with a pretty girl and had an ice cream soda. How do you like it? -How do you like it? Delicious. -Let's talk about you for a change. There's nothing to talk about. -There's nothing to talk about. Oh, yes, there is. I know a lot about you. Brother Bembry briefed me. -Oh, yes, there is. I know a lot about you. Brother Bembry briefed me. Oh? Purely scientific interest I'm sure. -Oh? Purely scientific interest I'm sure. You're from Detroit, near where I come from. You majored in education at Tuskegee. You're studying nursing and having trouble with your family. -You're from Detroit, near where I come from. You majored in education at Tuskegee. You're studying nursing and having trouble with your family. I can handle it. -I can handle it. They want you to quit the Muslims or they won't pay your tuition, isn't that it? -They want you to quit the Muslims or they won't pay your tuition, isn't that it? You have enough worries of your own. -You have enough worries of your own. No, good Sisters are rare. We need every one. Tell me something: how tall are you? -No, good Sisters are rare. We need every one. Tell me something: how tall are you? Why do you ask? -Why do you ask? Just an idle question. -Just an idle question. If it's just idle, I won't answer it. -But Brother Bembry says I'm tall enough for a tall man. How old are you, Betty? -How old are you, Betty? There's a few things you don't know about women, Brother Malcolm. They're possessive and vain. -There's a few things you don't know about women, Brother Malcolm. They're possessive and vain. Are you? -Are you? And dogged when I set my mind to something. -And dogged when I set my mind to something. What have you set your mind to? -What have you set your mind to? Being a good Muslim, a good nurse and a good wife. -I'm in Detroit. I know. -I know. At a gas station. Will you marry me? -At a gas station. Will you marry me? Yes. -Yes. Did you hear what I said? -Did you hear what I said? Yes I did. Did you hear my answer? -Yes I did. Did you hear my answer? I think so. Can you catch a plane? -I think so. Can you catch a plane? Yes. Did you eat? -Yes. Did you eat? I love you. -It won't be easy. Just hold me. -Just hold me. It will be rough. -It will be rough. Hush your mouth. -Hush your mouth. I'll be away a lot. -I'll be away a lot. You're with me even when you're away. -I never told you, but when I first saw you on the podium, cleaning your glasses, I felt sorry for you. Nobody as young as you should be that serious. But I don't think that anymore. What do you think? -What do you think? The simplest thing in the world: I want to have a lot of babies with you. Dear Heart, I love you. -Why are you looking at me like that? Because you're in trouble. -Because you're in trouble. How do you know? -I don't want to bring my troubles home. You know that. I'm not made of glass. -I'm not made of glass. I just want to sit here and be still. -I just want to sit here and be still. We've never had a fight. Not a real one. But we're going to have one right now if you don't talk about it. -We've never had a fight. Not a real one. But we're going to have one right now if you don't talk about it. Talk about what? -Talk about what? The talk is everywhere! -The talk is everywhere! There's always talk, always been talk, and always will be talk. Don't they say how I'm trying to take over the Nation, how I'm getting rich off the Nation? -There's always talk, always been talk, and always will be talk. Don't they say how I'm trying to take over the Nation, how I'm getting rich off the Nation? We'll get to that, too, but this isn't just talk any more. -"""Los Angeles, UPI: Elijah Muhammad, 67-year-old leader of the Black Muslim Movement, today faced paternity suits from two former secretaries who charged he fathered their four children...""" There are always slanders, always lies. You're reading the devil's lies. Can't you see they're trying to bring us down, bring down the Messenger. -There are always slanders, always lies. You're reading the devil's lies. Can't you see they're trying to bring us down, bring down the Messenger. """Both women, in their 20's, charged they had had intimacies with Elijah Muhammad since 1957...""" -"""Both women, in their 20's, charged they had had intimacies with Elijah Muhammad since 1957...""" I was going to talk to Bembry about it tonight. -I was going to talk to Bembry about it tonight. To Bembry? Is Bembry your friend? -To Bembry? Is Bembry your friend? Woman, have you lost your mind? What's the matter with you? -"No, what's the matter with you? Wake up! Are you so dedicated that you have blinded yourself? Are you so committed you cannot face the truth? Bembry is the editor of the newspaper you established. Ask him why your name hasn't been in ""Muhammad Speaks"" in over a year? Ask him why you rate front page in every paper in the country, but not a single sentence in your own." I'm not interested in personal publicity. Our people know what I'm doing. -I'm not interested in personal publicity. Our people know what I'm doing. Do you know what Bembry is doing? You're so blind, everyone can see this but you!!! -Do you know what Bembry is doing? You're so blind, everyone can see this but you!!! Bembry saved my Life. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad saved my life. -Bembry saved my Life. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad saved my life. A long time ago. You've repaid them many times over. Ask them why they have new cars and houses full of new furniture. -A long time ago. You've repaid them many times over. Ask them why they have new cars and houses full of new furniture. Is that what this is about? Material wealth? -Is that what this is about? Material wealth? What do we have, Malcolm. A broken- down jalopy and the clothes on our backs. We don't even own our own home. What about our children? What about me? You don't even own life insurance. -What do we have, Malcolm. A broken- down jalopy and the clothes on our backs. We don't even own our own home. What about our children? What about me? You don't even own life insurance. The Nation will provide for you and the children if anything happens to me. -The Nation will provide for you and the children if anything happens to me. Will they? Are you sure? Are you sure or are you blind? -Dear heart, you have to help me. I'm raising our kids practically by myself, while you're running all over the world. You don't know how many times the girls ask me when is daddy coming home? What do you want me to do? Our people need me. -What do you want me to do? Our people need me. We need you too! -We need you too! What do you want me to do? -What do you want me to do? Open your eyes, you can face death 24 hours a day; but the possibility of betrayal never enters your mind. If you won't do that for yourself do it for us. -Get some sleep. You have to sleep for three. -I'm sorry. I haven't been the best husband or father. Shhh! -Shhh! Families shouldn't be separated. I'll never make another long trip without you and the kids. We'll all be together. -Families shouldn't be separated. I'll never make another long trip without you and the kids. We'll all be together. Dear heart, I love you. -Dear heart, I love you. We had the best organization that black people ever had and niggers ruined it. -Stop calling us. Leave us alone. Leave us alone. I'll kill you. I'll kill you. Betty it's me. It's me. -Malcolm, they keep calling, threatening us. I'm going crazy, when is this going to stop? Don't answer the phone. It's all right. It's all right. Nothing is gonna happen to anybody. -Don't answer the phone. It's all right. It's all right. Nothing is gonna happen to anybody. Dear heart, where are you? -Dear heart, where are you? At the Hilton. The girls asleep? -At the Hilton. The girls asleep? I just put them to bed. Can we come to the meeting tomorrow? -I just put them to bed. Can we come to the meeting tomorrow? I don't think that's such a good idea. -I want to also, but until we are instructed by the Messenger to do so, we will just wait and pray. I'm tired of praying. -I'm tired of praying. That's enough, Brother Earl. -I don't care about myself, my wife and four children were sleeping in their beds, they have nothing to do with this. Let's get out of this cold. -Brother Earl. Malcolm, where are you? We've been calling all over the city. -I'm gonna try and get some work done tonight. Let some of us come down there. -Let some of us come down there. No, that won't be necessary. I'll be all right. -No, that won't be necessary. I'll be all right. I wish you'd listen to us. What about the meeting tomorrow? We need to frisk people. -I wish you'd listen to us. What about the meeting tomorrow? We need to frisk people. I don't want folks to be searched, it makes people uncomfortable. If I can't be safe among my own kind, where can I be? Allah will protect me. -Reverend Chickenwing called last night and said he wouldn't be able to attend. So now we have no opening speaker? Why wasn't I informed last night? -So now we have no opening speaker? Why wasn't I informed last night? I called Sister Betty, she didn't tell you? -I called Sister Betty, she didn't tell you? Since when do you start telling Sister Betty my business? Since when? She has nothing to do with this. You tell me, not her, not anybody else. -Since when do you start telling Sister Betty my business? Since when? She has nothing to do with this. You tell me, not her, not anybody else. I assumed... -I assumed... What did I tell you about assuming? -Brother Minister, what is wrong? The way I feel, I ought not to go out there today. In fact, I'm going to ease some of this tension by telling the black man not to fight himself -- that's all a part of the white man's big maneuver, to keep us fighting amongst ourselves, against each other. I'm not fighting anyone, that's not what we're here for. -The way I feel, I ought not to go out there today. In fact, I'm going to ease some of this tension by telling the black man not to fight himself -- that's all a part of the white man's big maneuver, to keep us fighting amongst ourselves, against each other. I'm not fighting anyone, that's not what we're here for. Let's cancel. -Let's cancel. Is my family here yet? -Is my family here yet? Down front as always. -Do you know what a friend you have in Jesus, son? Preacher, take your tin Jesus and the Virgin Mary, both, and shove 'em. -Why don't you just ask your question? You've been talking about the disciples. What color were they? -You've been talking about the disciples. What color were they? I don't think we know for certain. -They were Hebrew, weren't they? That's right. -That's right. As Jesus was. Jesus was also a Hebrew. -As Jesus was. Jesus was also a Hebrew. Just what is your question? -Just what is your question? What color were the original Hebrews? -What color were the original Hebrews? I told you we don't know for certain. -I told you we don't know for certain. Then we don't know that God was white. -Now just a moment, just a moment -- But we do know that the people of that region of Asia Minor, from the Tigris-Euphrates valley to the Mediterranean, are dark-skinned people. I've studied drawings and photographs and seen newsreels. I have never seen a native of that area who was not black. -But we do know that the people of that region of Asia Minor, from the Tigris-Euphrates valley to the Mediterranean, are dark-skinned people. I've studied drawings and photographs and seen newsreels. I have never seen a native of that area who was not black. Just what are you saying? -Just what are you saying? I'm not saying anything, preacher. I'm proving to you that God is black. -Mr. X is a demagogue. He has no place to go, so he exaggerates. He's a disservice to every good law-abiding Negro in the country. Can I ask you a question? Please, go ahead. -Please, go ahead. Mr. Malcolm X, why do you teach black supremacy? Why do you teach hate? -Mr. Malcolm X, why do you teach black supremacy? Why do you teach hate? "For the white man to ask the black man if he hates him is just like the rapist asking the raped, or the wolf asking the sheep, ""Do you hate me!"" The white man is in no moral position to accuse anyone of hate." -"Stop me if I'm wrong. I ""polarize the community."" I ""erroneously appraise the racial picture.""" You put it very well. -You put it very well. "You left one phrase out. Another educated Kneegrew said to me and I quote: ""Brother Malcolm oversimplifies the dynamic interstices of the Negro subculture."" Would you agree?" -"You left one phrase out. Another educated Kneegrew said to me and I quote: ""Brother Malcolm oversimplifies the dynamic interstices of the Negro subculture."" Would you agree?" Entirely. -Entirely. Well, I have this to say. Do you know what a Negro with a B.A., an M.A. and a Ph.D. is called -- by the white man? I'll tell you. He's called a nigger. -Let him finish. "Thank you. Now the Negro in the field caught hell all day long. He was beaten by the master; he lived in a shack, wore castoff clothes and hated his master. If the house caught fire, he'd pray for a wind. If the master got sick, he'd pray that he'd die. And if you said to him, ""Let's go, let's separate"", he'd yell, ""Yeah, man, any place is better than this."" You've got a lot of Field Negroes in America today. I'm one." -If you want to tell me. Women are deceitful. They are untrustworthy flesh. I've seen too many men ruined or tied down or messed up by women. -If I surprise you, let me explain. Menial work teaches us humility. Let me do it then. -Let me do it then. No, each of us must relearn that work is the only worthwhile thing. Allah has given you a great gift. Use it wisely, never forgetting that we are nothing, while He is all. -No, each of us must relearn that work is the only worthwhile thing. Allah has given you a great gift. Use it wisely, never forgetting that we are nothing, while He is all. Allah Akbar. -Did you see the papers today? Yes, sir, I did. -Yes, sir, I did. That was a very bad statement. The country loved this man, and you have made it hard in general for Muslims. -Can I ask you something? Sure, man. -Sure, man. Are you Elijah's pimp? -Are you Elijah's pimp? What? -What? """His greatest greatness.""" -"""His greatest greatness.""" Say what you're saying. -Say what you're saying. If you don't know, man, then I feel sorriest for you. -I thought you said we were going to the movies last night. I say a lot of things. -I say a lot of things. And like a fool I believe it. -And like a fool I believe it. Do your job, Get me a bourbon on the rocks and a pack of Lucky's. -You know that gal? Mind your own goddamn business... She comes in a lot? -Mind your own goddamn business... She comes in a lot? 'Bout every other night, Red. -'Bout every other night, Red. With him? -She know? If she got eyes, she do. -Is she hooking? Not yet. But the way things going, that boy gonna turn her out any day. -The average first offender gets two years for burglary. We were all first offenders. That's what Sophia and Peg drew -- Two years in the Women's Reformatory at Framingham. -Two years in the Women's Reformatory at Framingham. But our crime wasn't burglary. It was balling white girls. They gave us the book. -But our crime wasn't burglary. It was balling white girls. They gave us the book. Burglary, count one -- 8 to 10 years; count two, 8 to 10 years; count three, 8 to 10 years... -Fourteen counts of 8 to 10 years. The sentences to run concurrently. -The sentences to run concurrently. Shorty thought he hit us with 114 years till I explained what concurrently meant. It meant a minimum sentence of 10 years hard labor at the Charlestown State Prison. The date was February 1946. I wasn't quite 21. I had not yet begun to shave. -'Lo. I've got to freshen up. Now you come back. -I better not come in. I ain't stupid. -I ain't stupid. I mean it's late, baby. -I mean it's late, baby. I know where you're going. -I know where you're going. I'm going to bed. I gotta work tomorrow, need my rest. -Baby, I'll call you tomorrow. What for? I ain't white and I don't put out. -Malcolm, you can be anything you want. You got class and you're smart. All them books you read and you still don't know nuthin. -All them books you read and you still don't know nuthin. I do know I love you. -Let's go. Why? Is it because of your white gal? Folks say you're running around town with her. -Why? Is it because of your white gal? Folks say you're running around town with her. Save it, baby. Save it for Mr. Right, 'cause your grandma's smarter than ya think. -It's the same questions, Mrs. Little. Since the death of your husband -- Murder. -Murder. -- there is a serious question as to whether -- --- there is a serious question as to whether -- These are my children. Mine. And they ain't no question. None. -These are my children. Mine. And they ain't no question. None. I think sometimes, Mrs. Little, candor is the only kindness. -I think sometimes, Mrs. Little, candor is the only kindness. All of your children are delinquent, Mrs. Little, and one, at least, Malcolm is a thief. -All of your children are delinquent, Mrs. Little, and one, at least, Malcolm is a thief. Get out. -Get out. Your control over your children, therefore -- -Your control over your children, therefore -- Did you hear me?! -Did you hear me?! You'll regret this, Mrs. Little. -You'll regret this, Mrs. Little. If you don't move out through that door, you're going to be past all regretting. -How many you turning out? 500. -500. Make it 1000. We got a lot of fishing to do. -Make it 1000. We got a lot of fishing to do. Brother Malcolm, I want you to meet Brother Earl. He just joined the Nation. -Thank you, Brother; Sister, how are you? Please make way, please -- -Another one? How long has this been going on? -How long has this been going on? All day since you and Betty left. Brother Minister, I have to level with you. They gave me a mission. But I couldn't do it. I love y'all. -All day since you and Betty left. Brother Minister, I have to level with you. They gave me a mission. But I couldn't do it. I love y'all. What mission? -What mission? To wire your car so it would explode when you turned the ignition. The Ministers say you are spreading untruths about the Messenger. The Ministers say you are a great hypocrite, Judas, Benedict Arnold. The Ministers say your tongue should be cut out and delivered to the Messenger's doorstep. -To wire your car so it would explode when you turned the ignition. The Ministers say you are spreading untruths about the Messenger. The Ministers say you are a great hypocrite, Judas, Benedict Arnold. The Ministers say your tongue should be cut out and delivered to the Messenger's doorstep. What does Sidney say? -What does Sidney say? I'm with you, Brother Minister. -I'm with you, Brother Minister. No. You'll be marked for death. -No. You'll be marked for death. Let me die then. -Let me die then. I won't let myself come between you and your father. Go home. -I won't let myself come between you and your father. Go home. You're my father. -You're my father. And don't come back. -Sheeet, you ain't. I had aplenty. ...That isn't a whore? -That's alright. Baby, take your time. Sophia's not going anywhere. I told you to walk, don't run. Shhhh! I don't like women that talk. -You like 'em scrambled soft or hard, sweetie? C'mere. -Sweetie, they're almost ready. You hear me, girl? -You the man. You better believe it. -You evil this morning. What's your story, baby? -"Yeah, girl; that's your story. When you gonna holler ""rape,"" sister?" Me? -Me? You will, baby -- if the time come. -You will, baby -- if the time come. Lemme feed you, sweetie, while they hot. -Baby, I was gonna give it to you. Well, bitch you move too slow. -You had the number. Baby, I got to let this old man win. Keep the faith, and tell Billie I'll see her later. -Well, all right, then. Well, all reet, then. -Hey, man, gimme some skin. Shorty, this is Laura. -That's a fine chick. Fine as May wine. -Fine as May wine. Except she live on the hill and got a grandma. -Except she live on the hill and got a grandma. Make it too easy and it ain't no fun. -Don't you know, you can't hump the Bogart. Eat lead, coppers. -Bang, bang. You're dead. Naw, you missed me, copper. Try this on for size. -I forgot to tell you I'm wearing a bulletproof vest. The hell you are. -The hell you are. I'm tired of always playing the cops. I wanna be Bogart sometimes. -I'm tired of always playing the cops. I wanna be Bogart sometimes. You're too small to be Bogart. -You're too small to be Bogart. I'm not too short to be Cagney. -Yeah and get a slave, too, huh, baby? I ain't doing bad. -I ain't doing bad. Man, the name musicians ain't got shit. How you gonna have something? I need a stake, a bundle, a grand. My woman can't afford it; my homey ain't got it. How about you baby? What you got? -Jesus, Red, she's just a kid. Jesus ain't got nothin' to do with this. -That ain't bad. Tell him about Baldy. -Don't never try to cross someone who ain't afraid to die. You the man! -What did you do, Homey, palm it? Yeah. -Palmed it right in the goddam chamber. Jesus Christ, Homey, you are nuts. -I got to hand it to you, Homey. That's the best preacher hype I ever did hear. It isn't a hype, Shorty. And I meant what I said: join us. -It isn't a hype, Shorty. And I meant what I said: join us. Come on, baby. I don't pay that shit no mind. -Come on, baby. I don't pay that shit no mind. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad says you should pay it all your mind. If you got a mind. -The Honorable Elijah Muhammad says you should pay it all your mind. If you got a mind. Baby, I love you. Take it easy, greasy. How about a snort? -Baby, I love you. Take it easy, greasy. How about a snort? I've been clean for twelve years, Shorty. -I've been clean for twelve years, Shorty. You is something, Homeboy. My trouble is -- I ain't had enough stuff yet, I ain't et all the ribs I want and I sure ain't had enough white tail yet. -You is something, Homeboy. My trouble is -- I ain't had enough stuff yet, I ain't et all the ribs I want and I sure ain't had enough white tail yet. How's the rest of the gang? You seen anyone? -How's the rest of the gang? You seen anyone? Well, Sammy's dead. Yeah, fell over in the bed with a chick twenty years younger than him. Had twenty-five grand in his pocket. -I'm half wop, half nigger and ain't afraid of no one. What can you do? -Then I put him to bed and pour talcum powder on him like a baby. He gets his jollies off. So what about him? -So what about him? So? The man got silver, china, rugs -- -So? The man got silver, china, rugs -- Might be all right. -Might be all right. Might be, shit. Man, I know this town. I got my own fences. Who the hell are you? Who put you in charge? -You want to be the head man? That's right. -That's right. Head nigger in charge? -Head nigger in charge? I'm the man. -I'm the man. Okay, baby. Let's flip for it. Flip this. -Your turn, Rudy. You want me to flip for you? Jesus Christ, no. Okay, okay. You got it, you got it! You're the boss. -I'm Minister Malcolm X. Two witnesses saw him brought in. He was not brought out. You heard the Sergeant. Outside. -Who the hell are they? Brothers of Brother Johnson. -Brothers of Brother Johnson. Eddie, let's see that blotter. -Only a pig could do a thing like that. Watch your tongue, boy. -Watch your tongue, boy. Don't you call me boy, you pig. Letting a man bleed like that. -Brother Minister he often talked about you. He loves you, loves you like his own son. Says you are the best, his greatest Minister but that someday you would leave him and turn against him. He told you that? -He told you that? Yes sir. -Yes sir. Are you sure? -Are you sure? Yes, I am, Brother Minister. All I want is support for my children. He should provide for his children. That's all I want. -Yes, I am, Brother Minister. All I want is support for my children. He should provide for his children. That's all I want. Allah will provide. -We were parceled out, all five of us. I went to this reform school and lived at this woman's house. She was in charge. This is your room, Malcolm. I know you'll keep it clean. -This is your room, Malcolm. I know you'll keep it clean. This is Malcolm, our new guest. We'll treat him like a brother. -This is Malcolm, our new guest. We'll treat him like a brother. I was special. The only colored kid in class. I became a sort of mascot. Like a pink poodle. -I was special. The only colored kid in class. I became a sort of mascot. Like a pink poodle. I didn't know then that I was a nigger. -I didn't know then that I was a nigger. He's bright. -He's bright. They talked about me like -They talked about me like Good grades. Fine athlete. President of his class. -Good grades. Fine athlete. President of his class. I wasn't there. Like I was some kind of pedigreed dog or a horse. Like I was invisible. -What am I doing here? Believe it or not, you're safe here. The Judicial police will kill you. If they can. This page? -Believe it or not, you're safe here. The Judicial police will kill you. If they can. This page? No. -You have a rather checkered past. Mr. Creasy. Your Interpol file is six pages long. Am I a suspect? -Am I a suspect? No. It would be convenient, but no. -Show me mugshots of Mexican policemen. Maybe then we'll get somewhere. All these photos you just saw were of policemen. Sadly they're protected. La Hermanidad. The brotherhood. -Hombre en fuego. Man On Fire. That's what the papers have named you. It's what you and Rosanna named me. Right? -It's what you and Rosanna named me. Right? Sit, Creasy. Everything that happens from now on does so with my permission. Really. You won't find a better carne asada in all of Mexico. -The last few days may represent the best police work of my life. What do you want? -What do you want? The same thing as you. Except, my reach isn't as long as yours. My father was a policemen, did you know that? -The same thing as you. Except, my reach isn't as long as yours. My father was a policemen, did you know that? I don't know shit about you. -I don't know shit about you. He was one of the original founders of 'Le Hermanidad' in the days when it represented good not evil. -My family lives in Miami. Because of the death threats. It's not worth it. Be with them instead. -It's not worth it. Be with them instead. It galls me to watch you. You can do as much in days as I can in years. Men like the 'The Dreamer' are protected. Out of everyone's grasp it seems, but yours. -It galls me to watch you. You can do as much in days as I can in years. Men like the 'The Dreamer' are protected. Out of everyone's grasp it seems, but yours. Are you going to arrest me or talk me to death? -My country needs justice. Proper justice. Gunning men down in the street only feeds the violence. They need to be brought to trial. Dealt with properly. Then people will respect the law. When they see it works. So you are going to talk me to death. -So you are going to talk me to death. You walk out and deal justice. You're what I wish I could be. The policemen who kills you, his family will have all they want. -You walk out and deal justice. You're what I wish I could be. The policemen who kills you, his family will have all they want. Then I hope the one who gets me has got lots of kids. What do you want? -Then I hope the one who gets me has got lots of kids. What do you want? I want to arrest you for murder! I want to shake your hand and reload your gun! I want to kill my pride and give you my blessing. -I want to arrest you for murder! I want to shake your hand and reload your gun! I want to kill my pride and give you my blessing. My deal is with Rosanna. I knew you guys were up to something. Are you two fucking? -My deal is with Rosanna. I knew you guys were up to something. Are you two fucking? No, but I have to admit I thought about it. -No, but I have to admit I thought about it. Liar. Just tell me who the bank card belongs to. Name and address. -Liar. Just tell me who the bank card belongs to. Name and address. You have no interest in making things easy, do you? -You have no interest in making things easy, do you? I'm not... easy. -Creasy... I'd have liked to have known you under different circumstances. Off the top of my head, I don't know what they could've been. -[Where are you coming from?] [South America.] -[South America.] [Where are you staying in Mexico?] -[Where are you staying in Mexico?] [I'm on to Juarez.] -[I'm on to Juarez.] [Why?] -[Why?] [I have a friend there.] -[Senor?] [It's a permit to carry a gun in Columbia. The gun you're about to find in that suitcase.] -A lot of people are looking for you. I guess that makes you the smart one. -I guess that makes you the smart one. We're interested in the same thing. I'm writing a story. -It's Santa Muerte. Death worship. The religion of La Hermanidad. There's a curse on you. It's a little late. -Maybe I can help your situation and you mine. So where do we begin? -So where do we begin? I need the name and address of the owner of a Toyota Corolla, license number ME31704... We didn't get the last digit so I need the ten possible matches. -I need the name and address of the owner of a Toyota Corolla, license number ME31704... We didn't get the last digit so I need the ten possible matches. So what do I get in return? -So what do I get in return? Let's see how the relationship develops. I'll call you in the AM. Thanks. -I need something. Do you have banking connections? I have connections. -Where do I find you? I'll call you tomorrow. -What do you know about the cop? Tazinari. The one who made the ransom drop with Samuel Ramos? He's an old fashioned patrone with the worst reputation. He's high on my hit list. -He's an old fashioned patrone with the worst reputation. He's high on my hit list. Where does he live? -Where does he live? He lives in a Judicial Compound. He travels by motorcade. He has better protection than George Bush. Even more importantly he is part of La Hermanidad. His reach is far and wide. -He lives in a Judicial Compound. He travels by motorcade. He has better protection than George Bush. Even more importantly he is part of La Hermanidad. His reach is far and wide. Give me the address. -Another favor... get me banking info on Jordan Kalfus. U.S. deposits or withdrawals. Thanks. Oh, get me the same on Samuel Ramos. How do I contact you? We still don't have the ATM info. -How do I contact you? We still don't have the ATM info. You don't, I'll call you. Oh! I have a tape recording that I am sure will interest you. -I traced the PIN. I have an address for you. But I need to see you. I show, you give me the information? -I show, you give me the information? Deal. -Deal. Where? -[Reina Rosas.] [Si.] -[Si.] [How do you contact 'the Boss'?] -[We page him and he calls back on this cell phone.] [What is his name?] -[What is his name?] [Daniel.] -[Daniel.] [Daniel what?] -[Daniel Rosas Sanchez.] [So you're married to him? And this looks remarkably like his brother.] -[What is his name?] [Aurillio Rosas Sanchez.] -[How does it work?] [Everything on the cellphone. We wait for calls. We have no number to call.] -[Who pays you?] [We have an ATM bank card. We draw out 300 dollars every two weeks.] -[What's the PIN number?] [The what?] -[The what?] [The number you use at the bank machine.] -[The number you use at the bank machine.] [Four-seven-four-seven.] -[Four-seven-four-seven.] [Who killed her? You?] -[Who killed her? You?] [No!] -[No!] [Don't lie to me.] -[Don't lie to me.] [The boss did or his brother.] -[The boss did or his brother.] [Who's the boss?] -[Who's the boss?] [We don't know! We never see his face! We have to wait in the other room. He was screaming to the girl that...] -[What money?] [The ransom money. At the drop. He said Tazinari, one of the policemen had taken it. He was crazy.] -[The ransom money. At the drop. He said Tazinari, one of the policemen had taken it. He was crazy.] [Who's Tazinari?] -[Who's Tazinari?] [Head of the anti-kidnapping division.] -[She's late, Mr. Creasy.] [Yeah, I've got to get used to the routes. I -- It won't happen again.] -[Yeah, I've got to get used to the routes. I -- It won't happen again.] [No offense, but I'm sorry that your profession needs to exist.] -[No offense, but I'm sorry that your profession needs to exist.] [So am I, Sister.] -[So am I, Sister.] [Do you ever see the hand of God in what you do?] -[Do you ever see the hand of God in what you do?] [Not for a long time, sister.] -[Not for a long time, sister.] "[The bible says, ""Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.""]" -"[The bible says, ""Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.""]" [Romans, chapter 12, verse 21.] -[Drive.] [Do you know who I am?] -[Do you know who I am?] [You are Jorge Ramirez.] -[Do you know who I am?] [Who are you?] -[Who are you?] [I am the President of La Hermanidad.] -[The Ramos kidnapping. How did it work?] [I don't know. We were just given instructions to take her.] -[I don't know. We were just given instructions to take her.] [Ordered by who?] -[I don't know! We work in parts. A voice calls in a kidnapping. We deliver the target to the guardians. We don't even know them. They might transfer to other guardians. The negotiators and the bosses don't even see the target. They just make the deal!] [Who ordered it?] -[Who ordered it?] [The cops call him 'The Dreamer'.] -[The cops call him 'The Dreamer'.] [Where do I find him?] -[Where do I find him?] [I don't know. No one knows.] -[I don't know, I swear.] [I believe you.] -[I believe you.] [I'm professional. I just do my job.] -[I'm professional. I just do my job.] [Me, too. Tell me about the guardians.] -[Me, too. Tell me about the guardians.] [He called me on the cell phone to set a time and location for the switch.] -[He called me on the cell phone to set a time and location for the switch.] [Who's he?] -[Who's he?] [The one who transferred Pinta to their car.] -Who's he? I don't know, but I know his face. -[I see him sometimes at the handball court in Chapultepec on a Saturday afternoon.] [How do I recognize him.] -[How do I recognize him.] [He has a tattoo covering two-thirds of his back. He is part of the Brotherhood.] -[He has a tattoo covering two-thirds of his back. He is part of the Brotherhood.] [In the next hour, where do I find your partner?] -[In the next hour, where do I find your partner?] [One-one-three Arco Iris. Third floor.] -[Hello Daniel. I've got your family and I want to negotiate.] [Mr. Creasy. What do you want?] -[Mr. Creasy. What do you want?] [I want you.] -[How much do you want?] [It's non-negotiable.] -[It's non-negotiable.] [Two million U.S.... Three million U.S.?] -[Two million U.S.... Three million U.S.?] [I told you, non-negotiable.] -[The most important thing in life is family. And there you are. You have my family. What do you want?] [I want you.] -[I want you.] [This is not possible. But in that house I have money. If I tell you where --] -[This is not possible. But in that house I have money. If I tell you where --] [Your brother wants to talk to you.] -[Yeah. Yes.] [Listen! I will give you a life for a life.] -[Listen! I will give you a life for a life.] [What do you mean?] -[What do you mean?] [Her life for your life.] -[The girl's. Pinta's.] [You're a liar. Pinta's dead.] -[You're a liar. Pinta's dead.] [I'm a businessman. A dead girl is worth nothing. She is alive.] -[Do you know who I am? I am the commandante of the Judicial anti- kidnapping division.] [And one of the founding members of La Hermanidad.] -[And one of the founding members of La Hermanidad.] [Correct!] -[Please, don't...] [It's all up to you, commandante. Tell me about you and 'The Dreamer'.] -[I don't know him. I saw the opportunity and got lucky.] [Lucky how?] -[Lucky how?] [That he used policemen. That you killed them, it made it a police matter. The Ramos family couldn't refuse our involvement.] -[That he used policemen. That you killed them, it made it a police matter. The Ramos family couldn't refuse our involvement.] [And?] -[And?] [And I had my men ready.] -[And I had my men ready.] [You stole the drop.] -[Yes. Many times.] [O.K. So tell me more.] -[O.K. So tell me more.] [There was no ten million dollars.] -[There was no ten million dollars.] [The ransom was ten.] -[The ransom was ten.] [Two and a half. That's how much there was.] -[Two and a half. That's how much there was.] [Don't lie to me!] -[Don't lie to me!] [Two and a half! The rest was paper! Strips of paper!] -[Maybe your men stole from you.] [No. Whoever took the rest took it before the exchange.] -[No. Whoever took the rest took it before the exchange.] [Who gave the bags to Ramos?] -[Who gave the bags to Ramos?] [His lawyer. Jordan Kalfus.] -[That's all I know! Please. I'm sorry for the girl. But it was business! I'm a professional.] [That's what everybody keeps saying.] -Were you provided with a gun? Yes. -Yes. Show me, please. -What is it? Nine millimeter. A Sig Sauer 226. -Nine millimeter. A Sig Sauer 226. Have you used this type before? -Is it loaded? It's loaded. -Your resume is impressive. Nine years in the Army. Extensive counter terrorism work. I shouldn't be able to afford you in my current state. What's the catch? I drink. -I drink. How does it affect you? -How does it affect you? My coordination. Reaction time. If top professionals try to kidnap your daughter, the service will be on par with the pay. -My coordination. Reaction time. If top professionals try to kidnap your daughter, the service will be on par with the pay. And what if amateurs try it? -And what if amateurs try it? I'll probably kill them. Is that likely? -I'll probably kill them. Is that likely? No. And no one is to know of your drinking problem. That includes my wife. -When did Mexican Customs start getting smart? Creasy??? Where the fuck are you? -Creasy??? Where the fuck are you? I'm here. -I'm here. What do you mean, I'm here? -What do you mean, I'm here? I'm in a Customs holding tank in Mexico City International. Bring a bunch of cash... about 5K. I'm going to need it. -You got a secondary search and you had a gun. Listen it was a calculated risk. I've done it a million times and never got caught. -Listen it was a calculated risk. I've done it a million times and never got caught. Everything happens once if you live long enough. -Everything happens once if you live long enough. It doesn't make sense to x-ray your bags coming off the plane. -It doesn't make sense to x-ray your bags coming off the plane. This is Mexico, they do everything backwards. -So what's wrong? Nothing wrong. -Nothing wrong. Don't give me that bullshit. -So how's business? Japanese are here in a big way. Cheap labor. Factory space. But they feel a lot safer living over the border in El Paso. I ferry 'em back and forth. They think I'm John-fucking- Wayne. -Japanese are here in a big way. Cheap labor. Factory space. But they feel a lot safer living over the border in El Paso. I ferry 'em back and forth. They think I'm John-fucking- Wayne. But don't you stay in El Paso? -But don't you stay in El Paso? Fuck, I love Mexico. I live like a king down here. -Yeah, right... Oh, like you haven't been in worse places. -Oh, like you haven't been in worse places. And a level five shithole is better than a level six. Your logic's inescapable. -You been working? Not for eight months. I was in Columbia looking around, but, nothing seemed interesting. -Not for eight months. I was in Columbia looking around, but, nothing seemed interesting. How long you staying, Crease? -How long you staying, Crease? Got no plans, Rayburn, Nothing on. Just wanted to see you, how you were. Came by on impulse. -You did something on impulse? Everything happens once if you live long enough. -Your Spanish is good enough. You certainly look the part. You're crazy. People would hire a has-been, Ray? A drunk? -You're crazy. People would hire a has-been, Ray? A drunk? Well, you'd have to keep it under control. -Well, you'd have to keep it under control. And what if, just say, there was a kidnap attempt? -And what if, just say, there was a kidnap attempt? You do your best. They won't be paying you enough to perform miracles. -It's not exactly a scam, Crease. Even at half speed you're pretty damn good. A bodyguard has to be close to someone all the time. Willing to talk. I'm not good at that. -A bodyguard has to be close to someone all the time. Willing to talk. I'm not good at that. So you'll be the silent type. People will appreciate that. -What are you doing here? I came to visit you. -I came to visit you. Bullshit. I've known you fifteen years. You don't visit. -Bullshit. I've known you fifteen years. You don't visit. A bodyguard... Who's the guy? -A bodyguard... Who's the guy? Samuel Ramos. Owns one of the plants in Juarez. The Jap car industry is in the toilet. He's trying to persuade Ford to partner with him. I think he's in trouble. He asked me if I knew anyone he could trust. -Samuel Ramos. Owns one of the plants in Juarez. The Jap car industry is in the toilet. He's trying to persuade Ford to partner with him. I think he's in trouble. He asked me if I knew anyone he could trust. Oh, now you think I can be trusted. -Oh, now you think I can be trusted. Take a job, Creasy. Breathe some air. Then decide if you want to... stick around or not. -There's still ink on my fingers from last week. You got tossed. Don't trust the cops, especially the Judicials. Oh you know that? -You mean a misfire? I mean nothing. The hammer came down and nothing happened. Dimple on the primer. -I mean nothing. The hammer came down and nothing happened. Dimple on the primer. I've heard of it. Never happened to me though. Maybe the firing pin's off. -I've heard of it. Never happened to me though. Maybe the firing pin's off. Maybe... -Creasy? Sorry I woke you, Ray. -Then one day, he calls and says, 'I'm in love and I'm moving to Mexico.' I said what happened to the plan? I said the plan was right here. -You got three of the fuckers. All dead. Pinta... -Pinta... Two days gone. They're negotiating a ransom. -Stomach's gone. But... okay. I'll get you up to the border. Friend of mine'll take you in to San Diego. Drop you right at the hospital. -Fuck. Look at you; you won't last a day the shape you're in. Unless you stop bleeding you should have your spleen removed. Yes or no? -Yes or no? I won't kill again. Hunt people. I gave that up. Anything else? It's yours. -I'll take the .45 and the Webley .32. I know it's old fashioned, but it's reliable. Like us. -Cut the stock here. The barrel here. Make sure you file it smooth. Rocket launchers? Different door. Not far from here. -Do you like dogs, Mr. Creasy? If they like me. -If they like me. Frank doesn't take to most people. Do you speak German? -Frank doesn't take to most people. Do you speak German? Ein Klines Bisschen. [A tiny bit.] -Ein Klines Bisschen. [A tiny bit.] Frank only responds to commands in German. He was trained in Frankfurt. My Dad loves the idea of having a dog around, but hates the fact he lives inside. -That's 'Bird.' Emilio forgot to take him with when he left. Who's Emilio? -Who's Emilio? My last bodyguard. He drove me to school in the morning and picked me up in the afternoon. -In between you can take Mom shopping and to lunch. Does that sound alright, Mr. Creasy? Creasy. Just call me Creasy. -Creasy. Just call me Creasy. Creasy... -Where are you from, Creasy? The United States. -The United States. I know. But which state? -No. You can drive and talk at the same time, can't you? -You can drive and talk at the same time, can't you? No. -No. Why not? -Why not? I'm looking for potential. -Potential? I don't understand. Places where the road bends, places away from buildings, places where the traffic thins out. But you don't have to understand. I do. So no talking. -Places where the road bends, places away from buildings, places where the traffic thins out. But you don't have to understand. I do. So no talking. Are you going to quit? My last bodyguard quit. -Are you going to quit? My last bodyguard quit. Let me guess, you wouldn't stop talking? -Let me guess, you wouldn't stop talking? Someone gave him more money than we could. -Someone gave him more money than we could. I'm a bargain. -I'm a bargain. Being black, is that a positive or negative for a bodyguard in Mexico? -Being black, is that a positive or negative for a bodyguard in Mexico? Time will tell. -Time will tell. There were 24 kidnappings in Mexico City in the last six days. Four a day. What do you think about that, Mr. Creasy? -There were 24 kidnappings in Mexico City in the last six days. Four a day. What do you think about that, Mr. Creasy? Pretty impressive. Maybe I need to up my fee or get a larger gun. -We're taking a different way home. That's right. -Did you like school, Creasy? No. -No. Not at all? -Not at all? No. -No. But why not? -Hmmm? It wasn't a school like yours and there was no Sister Anna. -It wasn't a school like yours and there was no Sister Anna. So you were unhappy? -So you were unhappy? Being unhappy is a state of mind. I never thought about it. -Being unhappy is a state of mind. I never thought about it. Oh... -And don't start crying. I'm not crying. -Pinta, do you have a pencil? I go to school, don't I? -You're fast. Once I get in the water but not starting off. By the time I catch up, it's too late. -What are you doing? Calling for Emilio's macaw. I thought I heard him. -Calling for Emilio's macaw. I thought I heard him. Do you think he'll come back? -Do you think he'll come back? Maybe. Did you hear him? -Maybe. Did you hear him? No. -No. How do you think he got out? -How do you think he got out? Well, I let him go. -Well, I let him go. It's better to be free, right? -It's better to be free, right? Yes. Actually, he was driving me crazy. -They'll be back in a week. They can stay for two weeks. I don't care. -It hurts. Where? -Where? Everywhere! -I don't think they're broken. Anywhere else? My ankle. -The night you arrived, Mom asked you if you had a family and you lied, didn't you? White lie. I didn't have a family. But I did have two kids. They're adults now. -Do you always sleep with him? I'm too old for him. Don't tell my friends. -I'm too old for him. Don't tell my friends. I don't talk to them much. Does he have a name? -Did you sleep alright? Yes. -Yes. How's the ankle? Can you put your weight on it? -How's the ankle? Can you put your weight on it? It's not too bad. Will it take a long time before it's better? Our big swim meet is in three weeks. Interschools. I was going to swim in the one hundred meter freestyle. -It's not too bad. Will it take a long time before it's better? Our big swim meet is in three weeks. Interschools. I was going to swim in the one hundred meter freestyle. In a week you should be fine. -Doesn't matter. I always finish second. You need to practice. -Why do you ask? It was in a book at school. Concubine. -Well, it's a sort of wife. But the Emperor of China had 1000 of them! How can that be? -But the Emperor of China had 1000 of them! How can that be? In the West, it's one wife for one husband, but different cultures have different rules. -In the West, it's one wife for one husband, but different cultures have different rules. It must be difficult having lots of wives. -It must be difficult having lots of wives. You feel sorry for the husband? -You feel sorry for the husband? [Yeah. Can you imagine my mother multiplied by a thousand?] -So how come you know so much about those countries? I had to do my homework on them when I worked there. Also I enjoy history. -I had to do my homework on them when I worked there. Also I enjoy history. What did you do in Asia? Is that where you met the man with cigarettes? -What did you do in Asia? Is that where you met the man with cigarettes? No, that was in Columbia. -You don't flinch when a gun goes off; you react. You go. Don't listen for the sound; don't anticipate it. Concentrate on the sound itself. I don't understand. -I don't understand. Don't worry. You will. -Remember you asked me what state I was from? Yes. -Yes. Where you're from isn't so much about geography; it's about events. Where you're from is what happened to you. -Where you're from isn't so much about geography; it's about events. Where you're from is what happened to you. Good things happen, too, Creasy. Like meeting me. -Good things happen, too, Creasy. Like meeting me. I guess that really does make me a hard case. -Do you have a girlfriend, Creasy? No. -No. Did you used to? -Did you used to? Yeah. Two or three. -You're late. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. You were never late before, I was worried. -Where's my mother? I dropped her at home. -I dropped her at home. It's no wonder you're late. Why didn't she just come with you? -I'm not afraid you, Creasy. I know you're not. -I know you're not. Are you afraid of me? -The gunshot holds no fear. Say it. The gunshot holds no fear. -The gunshot holds no fear. You welcome the sound. The sound is what lets you go. The sound is what frees you. You are a prisoner in those blocks until you hear the sound. -I'm tough, Creasy. I'm tough as you. There's no such thing as tough. You're either trained or untrained. -What's so important in Los Angeles? Your father has business. -Your father has business. Why today? And why'd she have to go with him? -The blocks. I'm a prisoner in them. Until the gunshot sets me free. -Could I ask you a question? Could I stop you? -Could I stop you? You don't drink like you used to. -You don't drink like you used to. That's not a question. -That's not a question. I know because I go in your room and check the bottles. -I know because I go in your room and check the bottles. Still not a question. -Still not a question. My mom drinks, too... Why do people drink, Creasy? -My mom drinks, too... Why do people drink, Creasy? Now that's a question. I don't know about your Mom. For me, the problem isn't in the glass. The problem's in between my ears. -Now that's a question. I don't know about your Mom. For me, the problem isn't in the glass. The problem's in between my ears. You think too much? -You think too much? Yeah. Because at one time, I didn't think enough. -Pinta, we've got to go. Travel sucks at this time. Frank. Frankie. -That's strange. Frank was a no-show. Not like him to miss a ride. You should break all my fingers, Creasy, then tape them back together. I won't be able to play the piano, but I could still swim. -You should break all my fingers, Creasy, then tape them back together. I won't be able to play the piano, but I could still swim. Don't be a baby. You're tougher than that. -Don't be a baby. You're tougher than that. There's no such thing as tough, Creasy. Just trained and untrained. -There's no such thing as tough, Creasy. Just trained and untrained. Then be trained. -Then be trained. I'm going to keep people safe someday. Just like you. -I'm going to keep people safe someday. Just like you. Be a swimmer. -Be a swimmer. I could do it. Remember the day you wanted the pencil? I know why. And I saw that car again. I wrote the license number in my notebook. Except I missed the last number. -Continue to play in the wrong key, like you're dyslexic. Dyslexic? -Dyslexic? "Like St. Jude. A hopeless case that has a complete block about 'C' Minor. But remember, ""Whoever resists authority will bring judgement upon themselves."" New Testament, Romans 13." -"Like St. Jude. A hopeless case that has a complete block about 'C' Minor. But remember, ""Whoever resists authority will bring judgement upon themselves."" New Testament, Romans 13." You got that right. -You got that right. You'll be back in the water in twenty- four hours. -The world of our children. How dare they? It's war. The weakest suffer the most. -It's war. The weakest suffer the most. You're American. -You're American. So are you. -You've done much of this work before? Never. -Mr. Creasy, I wanted to make sure you have everything you need. I'm fine. -I'm fine. Is the food alright? Maria tells me that you didn't eat. -Is the food alright? Maria tells me that you didn't eat. The food's fine. Sometimes I don't eat. -The food's fine. Sometimes I don't eat. It insults Maria. Slip it to the dog if you have to... Do you mind if I talk to you for a moment? -How are you getting along with Pinta? We'll be okay once she realizes I'm not a new toy. -We'll be okay once she realizes I'm not a new toy. Yes, she told me. Do you have children, Mr. Creasy? -Yes, she told me. Do you have children, Mr. Creasy? No. -No. You should know they're tenacious when they want something. And Pinta wants to be friends. -You should know they're tenacious when they want something. And Pinta wants to be friends. You're paying me to protect her, not amuse her. Right? -Look. Maybe this isn't going to work. Maybe you should ask your husband to hire someone... more sociable. No, you're right. You were hired to protect her, that's enough. I'm confident you'll do that. -It makes it all seem so serious. It is serious, Mrs. Ramos. -It is serious, Mrs. Ramos. Please, it's Lisa... I'll be coming with you tomorrow. I have lunch with friends. -Sorry. The traffic takes some getting used to. -Jordan! If something happened, my reaction would be to fight to protect her. I have skills in that respect. Pinta would benefit by the fact that... I'm a soldier. -Why are you here? Why didn't you die? Because... I was already dead. -They planned it, Samuel and Kalfus. Planned what? -Planned what? An autosequestra. Kalfus arranged for Pinta to be taken to a safehouse. I'm sure he thought she'd sit there for three days eating pizza and watching TV. It didn't work out that way. Everything got fucked up when I killed the cops and Tazinari saw an opportunity. -I don't believe you. I want you to get into your car now and meet me on the south end of the footbridge between Reforma and the freeway junction. In 45 minutes. -I want you to get into your car now and meet me on the south end of the footbridge between Reforma and the freeway junction. In 45 minutes. You're lying. I don't believe you. -You're lying. I don't believe you. Then don't come. -Creasy... Wait. Stay here. If you do something stupid, we won't get her back. -Rosanna Guerrero. It's Creasy. -It's Creasy. Where are you? -Where are you? Los Arcos. Was a little girl kidnapped recently? About twelve maybe? -Los Arcos. Was a little girl kidnapped recently? About twelve maybe? Last night. Do you know something? -Last night. Do you know something? What was her name? -What was her name? Camila. Camila Valencias. -The family paid the ransom and he was returned two days later. His father still hasn't gotten up the nerve to ask him if they fucked him up the ass. And now every mother with money in Mexico City wants bigger and better bodyguards. My own wife included. -And now every mother with money in Mexico City wants bigger and better bodyguards. My own wife included. If she pisses you off, you get another one. -If she pisses you off, you get another one. Do you know what she told me last night? -Of course I care about Pinta. She'll be as beautiful as her mother one day. Yeah? And if she was ugly? -All my clients have kidnap and ransom insurance. I have a policy, AIG. It covers me and my family and when it runs out in sixty days, without a bodyguard, I will not be able to renew it. -I have a policy, AIG. It covers me and my family and when it runs out in sixty days, without a bodyguard, I will not be able to renew it. I know you need to please Lisa. An ass like that is hard to find. Good bodyguards are even harder. -I know you need to please Lisa. An ass like that is hard to find. Good bodyguards are even harder. I know! I just had to let one go because I couldn't afford him! -You need a bodyguard of some description. It's a dangerous world we live in. But you will get what you pay for. He doesn't need to be Superman, does he? Can you go fifteen grand? For a year? -For a year? For a few months. Hire someone cheap. You have to have a bodyguard to keep the insurance. Then fire him for incompetence. The important thing is Lisa's daughter will return to school. -And Lisa will be able to save face. We won't be the only family without a bodyguard. Her beauty fucks with your mind. -Her beauty fucks with your mind. For an American she understands this country very well. -For an American she understands this country very well. She understands men. -[You have the money.] [Yes.] -[Yes.] [OK, repeat the drop instructions.] -[OK, repeat the drop instructions.] [The money, 10 million U.S. will be divided into two 15 gallon black canvas bags each containing five million which will be checked at the bank by the K&R agent. Then driven to the house in an armored car where it will be transferred to the delivery car.] -[The money, 10 million U.S. will be divided into two 15 gallon black canvas bags each containing five million which will be checked at the bank by the K&R agent. Then driven to the house in an armored car where it will be transferred to the delivery car.] [The car will not be powerful and have no trunk.] -[I need a driver to drive Samuel, the father.] [No. Why?] -[No. Why?] [He has a heart condition. Angina. He responds badly to stress.] -[He has a heart condition. Angina. He responds badly to stress.] [OK. You will arrive at Columbus Circle and Reforma Avenue at 3AM. You will drive around the square two times. Samuel will remove his shirt and hold it out the window to I.D. the car.] -You should be sleeping, baby. I'm trying, mom. -Good news. You're going back to school. When? -When? Samuel is going to hire a new bodyguard. It may take a few days, but you're going back. -Could he speak English? Emilio couldn't speak English. We'll see. And thank your father in the morning. A man always needs to be thanked. -Yes, mom? This is Mr. Creasy. -I like him, Mom. You do? -You do? He's like a great big bear. 'Creasy bear'... -I think he's been sick. He's alright now, but I think he's been very, very sick. Well, think about going to sleep. Good night, baby. -Bye, Mom. Don't forget your towel. -I'll call you from Detroit, baby. You're going to miss Mexican Halloween. The Day of the Dead. -A man's worth can be judged by what he has or what he owes. Only the amount matters. And bankruptcy. Where will that put me in the social strata? -And bankruptcy. Where will that put me in the social strata? I'm only asking for one thing. And it's not an extravagance. It's not even for me; it's for our daughter. -I'm only asking for one thing. And it's not an extravagance. It's not even for me; it's for our daughter. Our daughter. -Our child's safety is at stake. These people are professionals. They don't waste their time taking children whose fathers are virtually bankrupt. -These people are professionals. They don't waste their time taking children whose fathers are virtually bankrupt. Samuel, it is not something we should skimp on. A bodyguard's presence in the car or outside the school was at least some form of deterrent. Now he's gone, I feel totally exposed. -My wife, Mr. Creasy. Lisa Martin Ramos, Mr. Creasy. -He has experience in related work. A great deal of it. Do you have any family, Mr. Creasy? -I think it's nice he's American. I think it's fantastic. -I think it's fantastic. You realize that you've brought a killer into the house. -She likes him. Hmm? -Hmm? Creasy. Pinta likes him. -Creasy. Pinta likes him. Pinta loves school. She'd like Count Dracula is he took her back there. -He has to go, Samuel. What? Who? -What? Who? Creasy. -Creasy. Why? You were so pleased with him. -Why? You were so pleased with him. Pinta likes him too much. She thinks of him as a father. -Pinta likes him too much. She thinks of him as a father. That's ridiculous. -That's ridiculous. It's not. -I've just been so busy, Lisa. He has to go. -It will be a hard break. She's young. She'll get over it. -She's young. She'll get over it. I wasn't thinking of Pinta. -[A bodyguard was shot trying to protect a 9 year old. The bodyguard's American. Not only that he's black.] [Is that good or bad?] -[Is that good or bad?] [That's good. Really good. He shot and killed two judicial cops and a kidnapper died in the attack. They're saying he's responsible.] -[He'll die of his wounds; bleed to death before he can do anything.] [He sounded strong to me. Stronger than we are.] -[Because he's outside. Because he's not tied to the same system we are.] [We did voice analysis of the last five high profile kidnappings, including the little girl. The same man 'The Dreamer'. Listen to this.] -[I know this. Your point?] [Creasy is not a policeman. My sense is he could be very valuable to us.] -[Then what do you have to lose?] [It's a moral issue. On one hand you're cleaning up the bad guys, but in another way we are feeding the problem that produces bad guys.] -[Is it true? Creasy saved the little girl that was kidnapped yesterday.] [And left three more dead men.] -[When you talked to him, did he look sane?] [No. Not by the rules of polite society at least.] -[No. Not by the rules of polite society at least.] [I think he's... magnificent.] -[You only fuck me to get information.] [You only give information so you can fuck me.] -[You only give information so you can fuck me.] [A beautiful circle.] -[And as long as we're talking information, there's something else as well.] [I should start going for your tits first.] -[Who's that?] [He's the man, 'the Boss?' My guys got into the house on the pretext of giving cholera shots. We had to inject the whole Barrio. We bugged the house and stole the picture of him.] -He's not a cop killer. I'm sure he isn't. Though he's certainly adept at killing. -I'm sure he isn't. Though he's certainly adept at killing. He was doing his job, protecting the girl. If police were involved, you figure it out. I'm here for him. -He was doing his job, protecting the girl. If police were involved, you figure it out. I'm here for him. So am I. -Pollo Pibil. Chicken and chorizo sausage. Hmmmh. They marinate it in lemon and orange juice. It's a stew really. I already ate. -Tell me about your friend Creasy. You just said it. He's my friend. Nothing else to say. -You just said it. He's my friend. Nothing else to say. I read the file. You and Creasy have been seen quite a bit together. -I read the file. You and Creasy have been seen quite a bit together. Two tourists who never went home. -Two tourists who never went home. You helped him get this job. -You helped him get this job. That's what friends do. -That's what friends do. Yes. But if I traced Creasy to you, others will do it as well. Their facilities are as good as my own, if not better. -Yes. But if I traced Creasy to you, others will do it as well. Their facilities are as good as my own, if not better. I can take care of myself. -I can take care of myself. You and Creasy both. A two man army according to Interpol. Panama. Lebanon with the Druze. Desert Storm. Where you were contracted by the U.S. Army to hunt down elite Iraqi military commanders. You two were a married couple. -You and Creasy both. A two man army according to Interpol. Panama. Lebanon with the Druze. Desert Storm. Where you were contracted by the U.S. Army to hunt down elite Iraqi military commanders. You two were a married couple. The kind that gets divorced, but still stay friends. -The kind that gets divorced, but still stay friends. What happened to him? What happened to Creasy? -None of your business. Or mine for that matter. I got nothing more to say. This is my jurisdiction. I want these men as much as Creasy does. -This is my jurisdiction. I want these men as much as Creasy does. He'll deliver more justice in a weekend, than ten years of your courts and tribunals. So stay out of his way. -He'll deliver more justice in a weekend, than ten years of your courts and tribunals. So stay out of his way. I plan to. I'll even help him if I can. He's going to lead me to the 'The Dreamer'. Someone I want very badly. But I'd like to understand him. Give me that. -I plan to. I'll even help him if I can. He's going to lead me to the 'The Dreamer'. Someone I want very badly. But I'd like to understand him. Give me that. Pinta Martin Ramos is just a number to you. Tragic, a public outcry, but a number. One more dead. -Pinta Martin Ramos is just a number to you. Tragic, a public outcry, but a number. One more dead. What was she to Creasy then? -What was she to Creasy then? Light. At the end of a long, dark tunnel. Somehow, she showed him it was alright to live again. -Light. At the end of a long, dark tunnel. Somehow, she showed him it was alright to live again. And they took that away. -And they took that away. A man can be an artist in anything. Stone, paint, words. Food. Anything if his soul is true to it. Creasy's art is death. And he's about to paint his masterpiece. -I told you she wasn't especially attractive, but that she had a good deal of charm, and she's really a real nice girl... She's all right, Andy. It's just that I get one Saturday night off every three weeks, and I was expecting something better, that's all. -She's all right, Andy. It's just that I get one Saturday night off every three weeks, and I was expecting something better, that's all. I told you she wasn't attractive... -I told you she wasn't attractive... You told me that she was a little tall, but that she wasn't bad looking at all. -You told me that she was a little tall, but that she wasn't bad looking at all. Millie's been after me to fix her up with a date, so I... -Millie's been after me to fix her up with a date, so I... All right, I'm having a fair time. It's just that I get one Saturday night off in three weeks, and I wanted to wind up with something tonight. -Hey, Herbie... What? -What? You wanna have a drink before we start dancing? -You wanna have a drink before we start dancing? Listen. You people go grab a table. I'll be back inna minute. I'll be right back. -So waddaya feel like doing tonight? I don't know, Ang'. Wadda you feel like doing? -I don't know, Ang'. Wadda you feel like doing? Well, we oughta do something. It's Saturday night. I don't wanna go bowling like last Saturday. How about calling up that big girl we picked up inna movies about a month ago in the RKO Chester? -Well, we oughta do something. It's Saturday night. I don't wanna go bowling like last Saturday. How about calling up that big girl we picked up inna movies about a month ago in the RKO Chester? Which one was that? -Which one was that? That big girl that was sitting in front of us with the skinny friend. -That big girl that was sitting in front of us with the skinny friend. Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. We took them home alla way out in Brooklyn. Her name was Mary Feeney. What do you say? You think I oughta give her a ring? I'll take the skinny one. -We took them home alla way out in Brooklyn. Her name was Mary Feeney. What do you say? You think I oughta give her a ring? I'll take the skinny one. She probably got a date by now, Angie. -She probably got a date by now, Angie. Well, let's call her up. What can we lose? -Well, let's call her up. What can we lose? I didn't like her, Angie. I don't feel like calling her up. -I didn't like her, Angie. I don't feel like calling her up. Well, what do you feel like doing tonight? -Well, what do you feel like doing tonight? I don't know. What do you feel like doing? -I don't know. What do you feel like doing? "Well, we're back to that, huh? I say to you, ""What do you feel like doing tonight?"" And you say to me, ""I don't know, what do you feel like doing?"" And then we wind up sitting around your house with a coupla cansa beer, watching Sid Caesar on television. Well, I tell you what I feel like doing. I feel like calling up this Mary Feeney. She likes you." -"Well, we're back to that, huh? I say to you, ""What do you feel like doing tonight?"" And you say to me, ""I don't know, what do you feel like doing?"" And then we wind up sitting around your house with a coupla cansa beer, watching Sid Caesar on television. Well, I tell you what I feel like doing. I feel like calling up this Mary Feeney. She likes you." What makes you say that? -What makes you say that? I could see she likes you. -I could see she likes you. Yeah, sure. -Yeah, sure. I'll call her up. -I'll call her up. You call her up for yourself, Angie. I don't feel like calling her up. -Boy, you're getting to be a real drag, you know that? Angie, I'm thirty-four years old. I been looking for a girl every Saturday night of my life. I'm tired of looking. Everybody's always telling me to get married. Get married. Get married. Don't you think I wanna get married? I wanna get married. They drive me crazy. Now, I don't wanna wreck your Saturday night for you, Angie. You wanna go somewhere, you go ahead. I don't wanna go. -Angie, I'm thirty-four years old. I been looking for a girl every Saturday night of my life. I'm tired of looking. Everybody's always telling me to get married. Get married. Get married. Don't you think I wanna get married? I wanna get married. They drive me crazy. Now, I don't wanna wreck your Saturday night for you, Angie. You wanna go somewhere, you go ahead. I don't wanna go. My old lady, every word outta her mouth, when you gonna get married? -My old lady, every word outta her mouth, when you gonna get married? My mother, boy, she drives me crazy. -So what do you feel like doing tonight? I don't know. What do you feel like doing? -Not a bad crowd tonight, you know? There was one nice-looking one there inna black dress and beads, but she's dancing now. -There was one nice-looking one there inna black dress and beads, but she's dancing now. There's a nice-looking little short one for you right now. -There's a nice-looking little short one for you right now. Where? -Where? Down there. That little one there. -Yeah, she looks all right from here. Well, waddaya say, you wanna ask them? I'll take the one inna green dress. -Well, waddaya say, you wanna ask them? I'll take the one inna green dress. I think this number is a little fast. Wait a minute. -Where you been, for Pete sakes?! I been looking all over for you. I looked for you, Angie, before I cut out, but I couldn't find you. -I looked for you, Angie, before I cut out, but I couldn't find you. I been looking all over for you! -Waddaya gonna do now? I'm gonna take Clara home. It's close to one. -I'm gonna take Clara home. It's close to one. You want me to ride down with you? -You want me to ride down with you? What for? -What for? It's early. -It's early. It must be one o'clock. -It must be one o'clock. It's Saturday night! There's still plenty-a action around! -It's Saturday night! There's still plenty-a action around! Angie, by the time I get Clara home, it's gonna be one, one-thirty. By the time I get home, it's gonna be two o'clock. I gotta get up for ten o'clock mass tomorrow. -All right, I'll see you! Where you going? -We gotta whole pot inna kitchen. We give you a plate-a your own. Oh, I couldn't eat nothing. My mother just stuffed me right up to the jaws. -Who you gonna call? I was gonna call that girl from last night. Take her to a movie tonight. -I was gonna call that girl from last night. Take her to a movie tonight. Are you kidding? -Are you kidding? Listen, Angie, I wanna tell you, you were very impolite last night. I introduced you to the girl, you just turned and walked off. Now, why did you do that? -Listen, Angie, I wanna tell you, you were very impolite last night. I introduced you to the girl, you just turned and walked off. Now, why did you do that? You got me mad, that's why. Hey, Joe, show Marty that picture. -Marty, let's go downna Seventy-Second Street area tonight. I don't feel like going, Angie. I thought I'd take this girl to a movie. -I don't feel like going, Angie. I thought I'd take this girl to a movie. Boy, you really musta made out good last night. -Boy, you really musta made out good last night. We just talked. -We just talked. Boy, she musta been some talker. She musta been about fifty years old. -I didn't think she was so bad-looking. She musta kept you inna shadows all night. -I told this dog I was gonna call her today about two-thirty. Brush her. Listen, you wanna come with me tonight, or you wanna go with this dog? -Brush her. Listen, you wanna come with me tonight, or you wanna go with this dog? Waddaya getting so sore about? -Waddaya getting so sore about? I looked all over for you last night, you know that? -Marty, your mother wants you onna phone. Come on over about half past seven, we'll think of something. Hello, Ma, what's the matter? -Hello, Lou, Angie come in yet? He was here last night till about two o'clock. I hear you really got stuck with a dog last night. -He was here last night till about two o'clock. I hear you really got stuck with a dog last night. Who told you that? -Who told you that? Angie. He says she was a real scrawny- looking thing. -Angie. He says she was a real scrawny- looking thing. She wasn't so bad. -Hey! What are you doing here? I came to see you. How you feel? -I gotta pain in my left side, and my leg throbs like a drum. I been getting a pain in my shoulder. -I been getting a pain in my shoulder. I gotta pains in my shoulder too. I have a pain in my hip, and my right arm aches so much I can't sleep. It's a curse to be old. How you feel? -I gotta pains in my shoulder too. I have a pain in my hip, and my right arm aches so much I can't sleep. It's a curse to be old. How you feel? I feel fine. -I feel fine. That's nice. -We gotta postcard from my son Nickie and his bride. They're inna big hotel in Florida on their honeymoon. Everything is very nice. That's nice. I gotta letter from my husband's cousin in Abruzzi. His mother died. -That's nice. I gotta letter from my husband's cousin in Abruzzi. His mother died. Oh. -Oh. Do you remember Emilio DiGiorgio, owned the tavern in Abruzzi? -Do you remember Emilio DiGiorgio, owned the tavern in Abruzzi? I don't think I remember him. -I don't think I remember him. Well, he died. You know who else died? -Well, he died. You know who else died? Who? -Who? You know the old man upstairs in this house. Old Irishman, always drunk. He got pleurisy. He was inna hospital two weeks. He died yesterday. -You know the old man upstairs in this house. Old Irishman, always drunk. He got pleurisy. He was inna hospital two weeks. He died yesterday. Well, I always like to visit you, Catherine, because you always got such cheerful news. -"I wake up this morning, I hear the baby crying. So I wake up. I come in their room. That girl is shaking her hand atta baby. I said, ""You brute! Don't you strike that baby! That's my son's baby!""" It's her baby too, you know. -It's her baby too, you know. That's my son Thomas's baby. -That's my son Thomas's baby. Well, it ain't your baby. -Well, it ain't your baby. Did I tell you she threw the bottle- a milk at me? -Did I tell you she threw the bottle- a milk at me? You told me. -You told me. She's a witch, that one. I tell you what happen yesterday? -She's a witch, that one. I tell you what happen yesterday? What happen? -What happen? She gave me the evil eye. -Ufa! I keep one eye open when I sleep, because she's gonna come in, stab me in my bed. -I keep one eye open when I sleep, because she's gonna come in, stab me in my bed. Catherine, I want you come live in my house with Marty and me. -Ah? You son Thomas and Virginia, they come to my house this afternoon... -You son Thomas and Virginia, they come to my house this afternoon... Who? -Who? Your son Thomas and his wife Virginia... -Your son Thomas and his wife Virginia... When was this? -When was this? This afternoon, about four, five o'clock. -This afternoon, about four, five o'clock. What they say? -What they say? You know what they say. They say things are no good in this house. Catherine, your son is married. Leave him in peace. He wantsa be alone with his wife. They don't want no old lady sitting inna balcony. Now I tell you what I think. I want you come live with me in my house with Marty and me. In my house, you have your own room. You don't have to sleep onna couch inna living room like here. We will cook inna kitchen and talk like when we were girls. You are dear to me, and you are dear to Marty. We are pleased for you to come. -My son Thomas came to see you this afternoon, and he said to you he wants to cast his mother from his house? Catherine, don't make an opera outta this. The three-a you anna baby live in three skinny rooms. You are an old goat, and she has an Italian temper. She is a good girl, but you drive her crazy. Catherine, you are no fool. You know this is no good, an old woman living with a husband and wife. Two women inna same kitchen, anna house burns down. -So I am an old garbage bag, put inna street. Oh, Catherine, please! Don't make a tragedy. You come to my house where you know you be happier yourself. -Oh, Catherine, please! Don't make a tragedy. You come to my house where you know you be happier yourself. It pains that they should do this. -It pains that they should do this. I know it pains. -Catherine, you are very dear to me. We have cried many times together. When my husband died, I would have gone insane if it were not for you. I ask you to come to my house, because I can make you happy. Please come to my house. These are the worst years. I tell you. It's gonna happen to you. I'm afraida look inna mirror. I'm afraid I'm gonna see an old lady with white hair, like the old ladies inna park, little bundles inna black shawl, waiting for the coffin. I'm fifty- six years old. What am I to do with myself? I have strength in my hands. I wanna cook. I wanna clean. I wanna make dinner for my children. Am I an old dog to lie in fronta the fire til my eyes close? These are the terrible years, Theresa! Terrible years! -These are the worst years. I tell you. It's gonna happen to you. I'm afraida look inna mirror. I'm afraid I'm gonna see an old lady with white hair, like the old ladies inna park, little bundles inna black shawl, waiting for the coffin. I'm fifty- six years old. What am I to do with myself? I have strength in my hands. I wanna cook. I wanna clean. I wanna make dinner for my children. Am I an old dog to lie in fronta the fire til my eyes close? These are the terrible years, Theresa! Terrible years! Catherine, my sister... -Hey, I come home from your house last night, Marty was here with a girl. Who? -Who? Marty. -Marty. Your son Marty? -Your son Marty? Well, what Marty you think is gonna be here in this house with a girl? -Well, what Marty you think is gonna be here in this house with a girl? Were the lights on? -Were the lights on? Oh sure. This girl is a college graduate. -Oh sure. This girl is a college graduate. They're the worst. College girls are one step from the streets. They smoke like men inna saloon. My son Joseph, his wife, you know, she types onna typewriter. One step from the streets, I tell you. Mrs. Pilletti ponders this philosophy for a moment. -They're the worst. College girls are one step from the streets. They smoke like men inna saloon. My son Joseph, his wife, you know, she types onna typewriter. One step from the streets, I tell you. Mrs. Pilletti ponders this philosophy for a moment. That's the first time Marty ever brought a girl to this house. She seems like a nice girl. I think he has a feeling for this girl. You heard him sing. He been singing like that all morning. -"Well, that's all. You will see. Today, tomorrow, inna week, he's gonna say to you, ""Hey, Ma, it's no good being a single man. I'm tired-a running around."" Then he's gonna say, ""Hey, Ma, wadda we need this old house? Why don't we sell this old house, move into a nicer parta town? A nice little apartment?""" I don't sell this house, I tell you that. This is my husband's house. I had six children in this house. -I don't sell this house, I tell you that. This is my husband's house. I had six children in this house. You will see. A coupla months, you gonna be an old lady, sleeping onna couch in her daughter-in-law's house. -You will see. A coupla months, you gonna be an old lady, sleeping onna couch in her daughter-in-law's house. Catherine, you are a blanket of gloom. Wherever you are, the rain follows. Someday, you gonna smile, and we gonna declare a holiday. -You come up here often? I was up here twice before. Once with a friend of mine and once I came up alone. The last time... do you see that girl in the gray dress sitting over there? -I was up here twice before. Once with a friend of mine and once I came up alone. The last time... do you see that girl in the gray dress sitting over there? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, the last time I was up here, that's where I sat. I sat there for an hour and a half, without moving a muscle. Now and then, some fellow would sort of walk up to me and then change his mind. I'll never forget just sitting there for an hour and a half with my hands in my lap. Then I began to cry, and I had to get up and go home. -Well, the last time I was up here, that's where I sat. I sat there for an hour and a half, without moving a muscle. Now and then, some fellow would sort of walk up to me and then change his mind. I'll never forget just sitting there for an hour and a half with my hands in my lap. Then I began to cry, and I had to get up and go home. I cry a lot too. I'm a big cryer. -I cry a lot too. I'm a big cryer. This is something recent with me, this bursting into tears at the least thing. -This is something recent with me, this bursting into tears at the least thing. Oh, I cry all the time, any little thing. My brothers, my brother-in- laws, they're always telling me what a goodhearted guy I am. Well, you don't get goodhearted by accident. You get kicked around long enough, you get to be a real professor of pain. I know exactly how you feel. And I also want you to know I'm having a very good time with you now and really enjoying myself. So you see, you're not such a dog as you think you are. -Oh, I cry all the time, any little thing. My brothers, my brother-in- laws, they're always telling me what a goodhearted guy I am. Well, you don't get goodhearted by accident. You get kicked around long enough, you get to be a real professor of pain. I know exactly how you feel. And I also want you to know I'm having a very good time with you now and really enjoying myself. So you see, you're not such a dog as you think you are. I'm having a very good time, too. -I'm having a very good time, too. So there you are. So I guess I'm not such a dog as I think I am. -So there you are. So I guess I'm not such a dog as I think I am. You're a very nice guy, and I don't know why some girl hasn't grabbed you off long ago. -You're a very nice guy, and I don't know why some girl hasn't grabbed you off long ago. I don't know either. I think I'm a very nice guy. I also think I'm a pretty smart guy in my own way. -I'm twenty-nine years old. How old are you? I'm thirty-four. -...you teach chemistry? That's funny. Where? What school? Benjamin Franklin High School. -Benjamin Franklin High School. Benjamin Franklin, where's that? Brooklyn? I went to Theodore Roosevelt right up here on Fordham Road. It's right arounna corner from my house. I have a cousin who's a teacher. He teaches Latin. He lives in Chicago. He was studying to be a Jesuit, but he gave it up after his first vows. -You gotta real nice face, you know? It's really a nice face. Thank you. -...When I got outta the army, Clara, I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was twenny-five years old, what was I gonna do, go back to my old job, forty cents an hour. I thought maybe I go to college under the G.I. Biller Rights, you know? But I wouldn't graduate till I was twenny-eight, twenny-nine years old, even if I made it in three years. And my brother Freddie wanted to get married, and I had three unmarried sisters -- in an Italian home, that's a terrible thing. And my kid brother Nickie, he's a one got married last week. So I just went to pieces. I used to walk inna streets till three, four o'clock inna mornings. My mother used to be so worried about me. My uncle Mario come over one time. He offered me a job driving his hack onna night shift. He got his own cab, you know. And God forgive me for what I'm gonna say now, but I used to thinka doing away with myself. I used to stand sometimes in the subway, and God forgive me what I'm going to say, I used to feel the tracks sucking me down under the wheels. Yes, I know. -Yes, I know. I'm a Catholic, you know, and even to think about suicide is a terrible sin. -I'm a Catholic, you know, and even to think about suicide is a terrible sin. Yes, I know. -Yes, I know. So then Mr. Gazzara -- he was a frienda my father -- he offered me this job in his butcher shop, and everybody pleaded with me to take it. So that's what happened. I didn't wanna be a butcher. -So then Mr. Gazzara -- he was a frienda my father -- he offered me this job in his butcher shop, and everybody pleaded with me to take it. So that's what happened. I didn't wanna be a butcher. There's nothing wrong with being a butcher. -There's nothing wrong with being a butcher. Well, I wouldn't call it an elegant profession. It's in a lower social scale. People look down on butchers. -Well, I wouldn't call it an elegant profession. It's in a lower social scale. People look down on butchers. I don't. -Well, the point is Mr. Gazzara wantsa sell his shop now, because he and his wife are lonely, and they wanna move out to California in Los Angeles and live near their married daughter. Because she's always writing them to come out there. So it's a nice little shop. I handle his books for him, so I know he has a thirty-five percent markup which is not unreasonable, and he takes home net maybe a hundred, hundred and fifty bucks a week. The point is, of course, you gotta worry about the supermarkets. There's two inna neighborhood now, and there's an A&P coming in, at least that's the rumor. Of course, mosta his trade is strictly Italian, but the younger Italian girls, they get married, and they don't stick to the old Italian dishes so much. I mean, you gotta take that into account too. It's my feeling that you really want to buy this shop, Marty. -It's my feeling that you really want to buy this shop, Marty. That's true. I do. But I'm gonna have to take outta loan inna bank eight thousand dollars. That's a big note to carry, because I have to give Mr. Gazzara a mortgage, and what I have to weigh is: will it pay off in the end more than I can make onna salary? -Wadda you think? I think anything you want to do, you'll do well. -I only got about three bucks on me now, but I just live about eight blocks from here on the other side of Webster Avenue. Why don't we walk back to my house? I'll run in, pick up some dough, and let's step out somewhere. I really should get home... -It's only a quarter of twelve. The clock's right over there. I really should get home, I told my father... Well, I suppose a little while longer. I wonder if there's any place around here I could put some makeup on... -...It's really a fine opportunity for me. But I'm not sure I want to be a department head. It's mostly executive and administrative work. Well, anyway, I told you about my father, and he depends on me a great deal, and... Why don't you just move out to Portchester? -Why don't you just move out to Portchester? Well, that's what I was saying. My father is getting old. And we're very close. He's a wonderful man, really... -"I think you're kidding yourself, Clara. I used to think about moving out, you know? And that's what I used to say. ""My mother needs me."" But when you really get down to it, that ain't it at all. Actually, you need your father. You know what I mean? You're living at home, and you got your father and mother there, and you can go on like that -- being a little girl all your life." I'm afraid of being lonely. -I'm afraid of being lonely. Oh, you won't be so lonely. You'll make friends right away. -Oh, you won't be so lonely. You'll make friends right away. Actually, I don't make friends easily. -Actually, I don't make friends easily. What're you talking about? You're a real likeable person. You'll make friends out there in Portchester one, two, three. You'll have people visiting you alla time. I'll come visit you. I'll borrow my brother Freddie's car, or you can call me up when you feel blue, or I'll call you up. And it's gonna be nice. Don't be so afraid. -This is the kitchen. Yes, I know. -Yes, I know. Come on inna dining room. -Siddown, take off your coat. You want something to eat? We gotta whole half-chicken in the icebox. No, thank you. I don't think I should stay very long. -No, thank you. I don't think I should stay very long. Sure. Just take off your coat a minute. -So I was telling you, my kid brother Nickie got married last Sunday. That was a very nice affair. And they had this statue of some woman, and they had whiskey spouting outta her mouth. I never saw anything so grand in my life. And watta meal. I'm a butcher, so I know a good hunka steak when I see one. That was choice filet, right off the toppa the chuck. A buck eighty a pound. Of course, if you wanna cheaper cut, get rib steak. That gotta lotta waste on it, but it comes to about a buck and a quarter a pound, if it's trimmed. Listen, Clara, make yourself comfortable. You're all tense. Oh, I'm fine. -Oh, I'm fine. You want me to take you home, I'll take you home. -You want me to take you home, I'll take you home. Maybe that would be a good idea. -No, Marty, please... I like you. I like you. I been telling you all night, I like you... -I like you. I like you. I been telling you all night, I like you... Marty... -Marty... I just wanna kiss, that's all. -No... Please... -Please... No... -No... Please... -Please... Marty... -Waddaya doing tomorrow night? Nothing. -Nothing. I'll call you up tomorrow morning. Maybe, we'll go see a movie. -I'll call you up tomorrow morning. Maybe, we'll go see a movie. I'd like that very much. -I'd like that very much. The reason I can't be definite about it now is my Aunt Catherine is probably coming over tomorrow, and I may have to help out. -The reason I can't be definite about it now is my Aunt Catherine is probably coming over tomorrow, and I may have to help out. I'll wait for your call. -I'll wait for your call. We better get started to your house, because the buses only run about one an hour now. -We better get started to your house, because the buses only run about one an hour now. All right. -Waddaya doing New Year's Eve? Nothing. -What happened, Angie, was that we thought we were just gonna go for a short walk, and then we thought we were gonna come right back, but we got to talking. Listen, Angie, I want you to meet Clara... Clara, this is my best friend, Angie. I told you about him. How do you do? -You got an elevator in this house? We just live one flight up. -We just live one flight up. So I'll call you tomorrow. -So I'll call you tomorrow. Okay. -Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow night then. Okay. -Siddown, siddown. You want some chicken? We got some chicken in the ice box. No, Mrs. Pilletti. We were just going home. Thank you very much anyway. -No, Mrs. Pilletti. We were just going home. Thank you very much anyway. Well, siddown a minute. I just come inna house. I'll take off my coat. Siddown a minute. -No, thank you, really, Mrs. Pilletti. It's a very sad business, I tell you. A woman, fifty-six years old, all her life, she had her own home. Now she's just an old lady, sleeping on her daughter-in-law's couch. It's a curse to be a mother, I tell you. Your children grow up and then what is left for you to do? What is a mother's life but her children? It is a very cruel thing when your son has no place for you in his home. -It's a very sad business, I tell you. A woman, fifty-six years old, all her life, she had her own home. Now she's just an old lady, sleeping on her daughter-in-law's couch. It's a curse to be a mother, I tell you. Your children grow up and then what is left for you to do? What is a mother's life but her children? It is a very cruel thing when your son has no place for you in his home. Couldn't she find some sort of hobby to fill out her time? -Couldn't she find some sort of hobby to fill out her time? Hobby! What can she do? She cooks and she cleans. You gotta have a house to clean. You gotta have children to cook for. These are the terrible years for a woman, the terrible years. -Hobby! What can she do? She cooks and she cleans. You gotta have a house to clean. You gotta have children to cook for. These are the terrible years for a woman, the terrible years. You mustn't feel too harshly against her daughter-in-law. She also wants to have a house to clean and a family to cook for. -You don't think my sister Catherine should live in her daughter-in-law's house? Well, I don't know the people, of course, but as a rule, I don't think a mother-in-law should live with a young couple. -Well, I don't know the people, of course, but as a rule, I don't think a mother-in-law should live with a young couple. Where do you think a mother-in-law should go? -Where do you think a mother-in-law should go? I don't think a mother should depend so much upon her children for her rewards in life. -I don't think a mother should depend so much upon her children for her rewards in life. Well, maybe that's what they teach you in New York University. In real life, it don't work out that way. You wait till you are a mother. -Well, maybe that's what they teach you in New York University. In real life, it don't work out that way. You wait till you are a mother. It's silly of me to argue about it. I don't know the people involved. -It was very nice meeting you, Mrs. Pilletti. I hope I'll see you again. Sure. -Goodnight, Mrs. Pilletti. Goodnight. -You say something? Yeah. I was just asking you if you was here stag or with a girl. -Yeah. I was just asking you if you was here stag or with a girl. I'm stag. -I'm stag. Well, I'll tell you. I got stuck on a blind date with a dog, and I just met an old girl I used to know, and I was wondering how I'm gonna get rid of the girl I'm with. Somebody to take her home, you know what I mean? I'd be glad to pay you five bucks if you take her home for me. -Well, I'll tell you. I got stuck on a blind date with a dog, and I just met an old girl I used to know, and I was wondering how I'm gonna get rid of the girl I'm with. Somebody to take her home, you know what I mean? I'd be glad to pay you five bucks if you take her home for me. What? -What? I'll take you over, and I'll introduce you as an old army buddy of mine, and then I'll cut out. Because I got this other girl waiting for me out by the hatcheck, and I'll pay you five bucks. -I'll take you over, and I'll introduce you as an old army buddy of mine, and then I'll cut out. Because I got this other girl waiting for me out by the hatcheck, and I'll pay you five bucks. Are you kidding? -Are you kidding? No, I'm not kidding. -No, I'm not kidding. You can't just walk off onna girl like that. -Herbie! Wadda you doing here?! I came up to dance, wadda you think? You here with somebody? -I came up to dance, wadda you think? You here with somebody? I'm just here with another girl. -I'm just here with another girl. Where you going now? -Where you going now? I'm just gonna get my cigarettes. I left them in my coat. -I'm just gonna get my cigarettes. I left them in my coat. I'll see you around. -I'll see you around. I'll see you. -She was always a bit thin in the hips... Well, at the time she told me this, she already had six. Every time I saw the woman, she was either... -And that husband of hers is a skinny bit of a fellow, isn't he? Well, I bumped into her on the street, and she was as big as a barrel. -Oh, that's nice. So the doctor was wrong, wasn't he? Oh, no! She died right in the hospital... -Oh, no! She died right in the hospital... Oh, that's a sad story. And her husband is that little fellow, works in Peter Reeves. -Oh, that's a sad story. And her husband is that little fellow, works in Peter Reeves. That's the one. -That's the one. Oh, that's a sad story. -"...so the whole book winds up, Mike Hammer, he's inna room there with this doll. So he says, ""You rat, you are the murderer."" So she begins to con him, you know? She tells him how she loves him. And then Bam! He shoots her in the stomach. So she's laying there, gasping for breath, and she says, ""How could you do that?"" And he says, ""It was easy.""" Boy, that Mickey Spillane, boy he can write. -What I like about Mickey Spillane is he knows how to handle women. In one book, he picks up a tomato who gets hit with a car, and she throws a pass at him. And then he meets two beautiful twins, and they throw passes at him. And then he meets some beautiful society leader, and she throws a pass at him, and... Boy, that Mickey Spillane, he sure can write. -I always figure a guy oughta marry a girl who's twenny years younger than he is so that when he's forty, his wife is a real nice-looking doll. That means he'd have to marry the girl when she was one year old. -That means he'd have to marry the girl when she was one year old. I never thoughta that. -What time is it? About eight o'clock. -Tommy, before you go, I wonder if you gimme a little advice. Sure, what? -Sure, what? You're the accountant inna family, and I figure you might know about these things. My boss wantsa sell his shop to me. His kids are all married, you know, and he and his wife live alone, and they wanna move out to California where his daughter lives, so he wantsa sell his shop. He wants five thousand dollars down, although I think I can knock him downa four... -All right, I'll see you, Thomas, because he wants an answer by Monday. Sure. Thanks a lot about my mother. We'll work out some arrangement, because naturally I want to pay... -Sure. Thanks a lot about my mother. We'll work out some arrangement, because naturally I want to pay... Don't worry about it. -Don't worry about it. No, listen, that's my mother, I'm gonna pay for her... -Boy, beautiful day, hey, Thomas? Sure, great if you ain't married. -Tommy, gimme a coupla minutes, because I promised Mr. Gazzara I'd let him know tomorrow. See, what I wanna know, Tom, if a buncha individual retail merchants get together, how does it operate? On individual mark- ups? You know what I mean? Say I'm the butcher and Aldo Capelli, he's the dairyman and grocer, so suppose I mark up thirty-five percent, but he works on forty, so... Waddaya talking about, do you know what you're talking about? -Waddaya talking about, do you know what you're talking about? No, I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. -Wadda you wanna buy a shop for, will you tell me? You gotta good job, you got no wife, you got no responsibilities. Boy, I wish I was you, boy. Waddaya wanna tie yourself down with a shop? What's he want? Five thousand down? You're gonna have to carry a mortgage sixty, seventy bucks a month. A mortgage anna note from the bank. For Pete's sake, you're a single man with no responsibilities. Stay that way, boy. Take my advice. Well, you see, Thomas I figure the big problem is the supermarkets. But Patsy's shop, that's a specialized trade. The supermarkets don't carry Italian meat. -Well, you see, Thomas I figure the big problem is the supermarkets. But Patsy's shop, that's a specialized trade. The supermarkets don't carry Italian meat. Who buys Italian meat anymore? You think my wife buys Italian meat? She goes to the A&P, picks up some lamb chops wrapped in cellophane, opens up a canna peas, and that's dinner, boy. -Well, I understand the problem about the supermarkets, but I was talking to this girl last night, and she made the point that a likeable personality is a valuable business asset. Marty, see that my mother is nice and comfortable, eh? -Marty, see that my mother is nice and comfortable, eh? Sure. This girl said... -Sure. This girl said... What girl, what does she know? Why don't you let her hold the baby once in a while?! Your mother, boy, she wantsa take the kid for a day, that's fine! -Hello, Marty, when you coming home? Where you now? Because your cousin Thomas and his wife Virginia, they're here. They had another fight with your Aunt Catherine... I don't know... I'm coming home right now, Ma. I'll be home in about two minutes. Tell Thomas stick around, I wanna see him about something. -Hello, Ma. Marty, Thomas and Virginia are here. They had another fight with your Aunt Catherine. So they ask me, would it be all right if Catherine come to live with us. So I said, all right with me, but we have to ask you. Marty, she's a lonely old lady. Nobody wants her. Everybody's throwing her outta their house... -Marty, Thomas and Virginia are here. They had another fight with your Aunt Catherine. So they ask me, would it be all right if Catherine come to live with us. So I said, all right with me, but we have to ask you. Marty, she's a lonely old lady. Nobody wants her. Everybody's throwing her outta their house... Sure, Ma, it's okay with me. -Sure, Ma, it's okay with me. You gotta good heart. -Oh, we got plenny-a room here. Sure! Sure! It's gonna be nice! It's gonna be nice! I'll come over tonight to your house, and I talk with Catherine, and you see, everything is gonna work out all right. -So what are you gonna do tonight, Marty? I don't know, Ma. I'm all knocked out. I may just hang arounna house. -What? I say, why don't you go to the Stardust Ballroom? It's loaded with tomatoes. -It's loaded with what? Tomatoes. -Tomatoes. Ha! Who told you about the Stardust Ballroom? -Ha! Who told you about the Stardust Ballroom? Thomas. He told me it was a very nice place. -Thomas. He told me it was a very nice place. Oh, Thomas. Ma, it's just a big dance hall, and that's all it is. I been there a hundred times. Loaded with tomatoes. Boy, you're funny, Ma. -Oh, Thomas. Ma, it's just a big dance hall, and that's all it is. I been there a hundred times. Loaded with tomatoes. Boy, you're funny, Ma. Marty, I don't want you hang arounna house tonight. I want you to go take a shave and go out and dance. -Marty, I don't want you hang arounna house tonight. I want you to go take a shave and go out and dance. Ma, when are you gonna give up? You gotta bachelor on your hands. I ain't never gonna get married. -Ma, when are you gonna give up? You gotta bachelor on your hands. I ain't never gonna get married. You gonna get married. -You gonna get married. Sooner or later, there comes a point in a man's life when he gotta face some facts, and one fact I gotta face is that whatever it is that women like, I ain't got it. I chased enough girls in my life. I went to enough dances. I got hurt enough. I don't wanna get hurt no more. I just called a girl just now, and I got a real brush-off, boy. I figured I was past the point of being hurt, but that hurt. Some stupid woman who I didn't even wanna call up. She gave me the brush. I don't wanna go to the Stardust Ballroom because all that ever happened to me there was girls made me feel like I was a bug. I got feelings, you know. I had enough pain. No, thank you. -Sooner or later, there comes a point in a man's life when he gotta face some facts, and one fact I gotta face is that whatever it is that women like, I ain't got it. I chased enough girls in my life. I went to enough dances. I got hurt enough. I don't wanna get hurt no more. I just called a girl just now, and I got a real brush-off, boy. I figured I was past the point of being hurt, but that hurt. Some stupid woman who I didn't even wanna call up. She gave me the brush. I don't wanna go to the Stardust Ballroom because all that ever happened to me there was girls made me feel like I was a bug. I got feelings, you know. I had enough pain. No, thank you. Marty... -Marty... Ma, I'm gonna stay home and watch Jackie Gleason. -Ma, I'm gonna stay home and watch Jackie Gleason. You gonna die without a son. -You gonna die without a son. So I'll die without a son. -So I'll die without a son. Put on your blue suit... -Put on your blue suit... Blue suit, gray suit, I'm still a fat man. A fat ugly man. -Blue suit, gray suit, I'm still a fat man. A fat ugly man. You not ugly. -You not ugly. I'm ugly... I'm ugly! I'm UGLY! -I'm ugly... I'm ugly! I'm UGLY! Marty... -Marty... Ma! Leave me alone! -Hello, Marty, when you come home? We just got here about fifteen minutes ago. Ma, I want you to meet Miss Clara Snyder. She's graduate of New York University. She teaches chemistry in Benjamin Franklin High School. -How'd you come home, Ma? Thomas give you a ride? Oh, it's a sad business. My sister, Catherine, she don't get along with her daughter-in-law, so she's gonna come live with us. -Oh, it's a sad business. My sister, Catherine, she don't get along with her daughter-in-law, so she's gonna come live with us. Oh, she's coming, eh, Ma? -Oh, she's coming, eh, Ma? Oh, sure. Siddown, siddown. Marty, tell her siddown. -Oh, sure. Siddown, siddown. Marty, tell her siddown. Might as well siddown a minute, Clara. -Did you offer the young lady some fruit? I offered her, Ma, she don't want nothing. -Ma, I'm gonna take her home now. It's getting late, and the buses only run about one an hour. Sure. -All right, Ma. I'll be back in about an hour, an hour anna half. Sure. -Hello, Ma, waddaya say, it's getting a little late. Sure. -That was a nice girl last night, Marty. She wasn't a very good-looking girl, but she looks like a nice girl. I said, she wasn't a very good-looking girl... not very pretty... I heard you, Ma. -I heard you, Ma. She looks a little old for you. About thirty-five, forty years old? -She looks a little old for you. About thirty-five, forty years old? She's twenty-nine, Ma. -She's more than twenty-nine years old, Marty. That's what she tells you. What, Ma? -What, Ma? She looks thirty-five, forty. She didn't look Italian to me. -I said, is she Italian girl? I don't know. I don't think so. -What are you talking about? She's a nice girl. She didn't look Italian to me. -I don't like her. You don't like her. You only met her for two minutes. -You don't like her. You only met her for two minutes. Don't bring her to the house no more. -Don't bring her to the house no more. What didn't you like about her? -What didn't you like about her? I don't know! She don't look like Italian to me. Plenny a nice Italian girls around. -I don't know! She don't look like Italian to me. Plenny a nice Italian girls around. Well, let's not get inna fight about it, Ma. -So what are you gonna do tonight, Marty? I don't know, Ma. I'm all knocked out. I think I'll just hang arounna house and watch... -So these two girls come over to the bar... Hey, Ang'... -Hey, Ang'... ...and they sit down right next to me... -...and they sit down right next to me... You want a beer, Ang'? -You want a beer, Ang'? I look over at this one nexta me, not bad, about thirty-five -- Hiya, Marty... -I look over at this one nexta me, not bad, about thirty-five -- Hiya, Marty... Hiya, Ralph... -Hiya, Ralph... ...I been talking about two nurses Leo and me picked up in a bar on Seventy-First Street. -...I been talking about two nurses Leo and me picked up in a bar on Seventy-First Street. Hey, Lou, gimme two bottles-a beer... -Hey, Lou, gimme two bottles-a beer... So, Marty, lemme tell you about these nurses, Marty... -So, Marty, lemme tell you about these nurses, Marty... Waddaya read there, Joe? -So, Marty, let me tell you about these nurses... What nurses? -What nurses? The nurses Leo and me picked up last night. We got a date with them tonight. -The nurses Leo and me picked up last night. We got a date with them tonight. You still owe me ten bucks from last week, if that's what you're working up to. -Hello, Ralph. Hey, Marty, come over here a minute. -Waddaya mean, Ralph? Hey, Louise, I want you to meet Marty Pilletti. Marty, that's Louise Kelly, inna back seat there. -Hey, Louise, I want you to meet Marty Pilletti. Marty, that's Louise Kelly, inna back seat there. Hiya. -I'm with a girl, Ralph. Get ridda her. This is money inna bank. -Get ridda her. This is money inna bank. I can't do that, Ralph, because somebody already brushed her off once tonight. -I can't do that, Ralph, because somebody already brushed her off once tonight. This is a good deal here, Marty. -Hello, Ralph. How'd you make out with those nurses last night, Ralph? Oh man, you shoulda come with us last night, Marty. That one for you was a real lunatic. How'd you make out? -Your kid brother got married last Sunday, eh, Marty? That's right, Missus Fusari. It was a very nice affair. -That's right, Missus Fusari. It was a very nice affair. That's the big tall one, the fellow with the moustache. -That's the big tall one, the fellow with the moustache. No, that's my other brother, Freddie. My other brother Freddie, he's been married four years already. He lives down on Webb Avenue. The one who got married Sunday, that was my little brother, Nickie. -No, that's my other brother, Freddie. My other brother Freddie, he's been married four years already. He lives down on Webb Avenue. The one who got married Sunday, that was my little brother, Nickie. I thought he was a big tall fat fellow. Didn't I meet him here one time? Big tall, fat fellow, he tried to sell me life insurance? -No, that's my sister Margaret's husband, Frank. My sister Margaret, she's married to the insurance salesman, and my sister Rose, she married a contractor. They moved to Detroit last year. And my other sister Frances, she got married about two and a half years ago in Saint John's Church on Kingsbridge Avenue. Oh, that was a big affair. Well, let's see now, that'll be about a dollar- seventy-nine. How's that with you? Well... -"When you gonna get married, Marty? You should be ashamed of yourself. All your brothers and sisters, they all younger than you, they married and they got children. I just saw your mother inna fruit shop, and she says to me, ""Hey, you know a nice girl for my boy Marty?"" Watsa matter with you? That's no way. Now you get married." Missus Fusari, Missus Canduso over there, she's inna big hurry, and... -My son Frank, he was married when he was nineteen years old. Watsa matter with you? That's swell, Missus Fusari. -That's swell, Missus Fusari. You should be ashamed of yourself. -All right, Ginnie, don't get so excited. She's right. She's right. Young husband and wife, they should have their own home. And my sister Catherine, she's my sister, but I gotta admit, she's an old goat. And plenty-a times in my life, I feel like throwing the milk bottle at her myself. And I tell you now, as far as I'm concerned, if Catherine wantsa come live here with me and Marty, it's all right with me. -That's very nice-a you, Aunt Theresa. We gotta ask Marty, of course. -We gotta ask Marty, of course. Sure. -Sure. You just sit here, I gotta turn the fire on under the cooking. -Oh, he'll get married, don't worry, Aunt Theresa. Well, I don't know. He sits arounna house alla time. You know a place he can go where he can find a bride? -Well, I don't know. He sits arounna house alla time. You know a place he can go where he can find a bride? "Well, there's the Stardust Ballroom. That's a kind of a big dance hall. Every Saturday night, it's just loaded with girls. It's a nice place to go. You pay seventy-seven cents. It used to be seventy-seven cents. It must be about a buck and half now. And you go in and you ask some girl to dance. That's how I met Virginia. Nice, respectable place to meet girls. You tell Marty, Aunt Theresa, you tell him, ""Go to the Stardust Ballroom. It's loaded with tomatoes.""" -"Well, there's the Stardust Ballroom. That's a kind of a big dance hall. Every Saturday night, it's just loaded with girls. It's a nice place to go. You pay seventy-seven cents. It used to be seventy-seven cents. It must be about a buck and half now. And you go in and you ask some girl to dance. That's how I met Virginia. Nice, respectable place to meet girls. You tell Marty, Aunt Theresa, you tell him, ""Go to the Stardust Ballroom. It's loaded with tomatoes.""" The Stardust Ballroom. It's loaded with tomatoes. -The Stardust Ballroom. It's loaded with tomatoes. Right. -He says okay, it's all right Catherine comes here. Oh, Marty, thanks a lot. That really takes a load offa my mind. -I just wanna thank you people again, because the situation was just becoming impossible. Siddown, Thomas, siddown. -Hello, Aunt Theresa. Hello, Thomas. -Hello, Thomas. I just this minute got the baby to sleep. -Aunt Theresa, we figure the best way to ask her is you say that you're very lonely, see? And wouldn't she come and keep you company, because that way, you see... Don't worry. I'm gonna take care-a the whole thing. -Ma, you want something to eat, some tuna fish? Hey, why don't you go to the movie? Your mother and me, we're gonna be baby-sitter. -Hello, Aunt Theresa. Hello, Thomas, how do you feel? -Hello, Thomas, how do you feel? Ah, my mother, she drives me crazy. I hadda beg her to let me drive her over here. The martyr. She always gotta be the big martyr. -He coming home right now. So what happened, Aunt Theresa, about the milk bottle was my mother-in- law, she comes inna kitchen, Aunt Theresa, and she begins poking her head over my shoulder here and poking her head over my shoulder there, so then she begins telling me how I waste money and how I can't cook, and how I'm raising my baby all wrong, so she got me so nervous, I spilled some milk I was making for the baby... -So what happened, Aunt Theresa, about the milk bottle was my mother-in- law, she comes inna kitchen, Aunt Theresa, and she begins poking her head over my shoulder here and poking her head over my shoulder there, so then she begins telling me how I waste money and how I can't cook, and how I'm raising my baby all wrong, so she got me so nervous, I spilled some milk I was making for the baby... "She was here, you know, Wednesday, and I said, ""Catherine, my sister...""" -"She was here, you know, Wednesday, and I said, ""Catherine, my sister...""" "So she say, ""You're spilling the milk."" So she kept talking about these coupla drops of milk I spilled, so she got me so mad, so I said, ""Mama, you wanna see me really spill some milk?"" So I took the bottle, and I threw it against the door. I didn't throw it at her. That's just something she made up. She goes around telling everybody I threw the bottla milk at her. I didn't throw it anywheres near her. Well, I was sorry right away, you know, but she ran outta the house." -"So she say, ""You're spilling the milk."" So she kept talking about these coupla drops of milk I spilled, so she got me so mad, so I said, ""Mama, you wanna see me really spill some milk?"" So I took the bottle, and I threw it against the door. I didn't throw it at her. That's just something she made up. She goes around telling everybody I threw the bottla milk at her. I didn't throw it anywheres near her. Well, I was sorry right away, you know, but she ran outta the house." Well, I don't know what you want me to do, Virginia. If you want me, I'll go talk to her tonight. -Sure. Aunt Theresa, you got this big house here. I mean, you got this big house just for you and Marty. And I thought maybe Tommy's mother could come here and live with you and Marty. -Aunt Theresa, you got this big house here. I mean, you got this big house just for you and Marty. And I thought maybe Tommy's mother could come here and live with you and Marty. Well... -Well... "Because I called up Tommy's brother Joe, and I said, ""Joe, she's driving me crazy. Why don't you take her for a couple of years?"" And he said, ""Oh no!"" I know I sound like a terrible woman..." -"Because I called up Tommy's brother Joe, and I said, ""Joe, she's driving me crazy. Why don't you take her for a couple of years?"" And he said, ""Oh no!"" I know I sound like a terrible woman..." No, Virginia, I know how you feel. -No, Virginia, I know how you feel. I just can't stand it any more! Every minute of the day! Do this! Do that! I don't have ten minutes privacy with my husband! We can't even have a fight! We don't have no privacy! Everybody's miserable in our house! -I'm sorry we gotta rush like this... That's all right, that's all right... -That's all right, that's all right... On accounta... -On accounta... I'm gonna see you tonight... -We didn't tell her anything yet. We thought that we'd leave it to you. We thought you'd put it like how you were lonely, and why don't she come to live with you. Because that way it looks like she's doing you a favor, insteada we're throwing her out, and it won't be so cruel on her. Do you want Tommy and me to stay here with you? I think it be a better idea if you and Thomas go out, because otherwise she's gonna start a fight with you, and everybody's gonna be yelling. -Listen, let's go downa Kaplans' apartment. They told us to come down. Sure, sure. -Well, I'll tell you, Aunt Theresa... Lemme tell it, Tommy. -Lemme tell it, Tommy. Okay. -Okay. We want you to do a very big favor for us, Aunt Theresa. -That's very nice-a you, Aunt Theresa. How's Marty been lately, Aunt Theresa? -Marty, I don't know how to tell you how much I appreciate what you and your mother are doing, because the kinda thing was happening in our house was Virginia was in the kitchen making some milk for the baby. So my mother comes in... Tommy, I promised the babysitter six o'clock. -Tommy! I'll see you at mass tomorrow. We'll sit down and we'll discuss the whole thing. -Don't you think I feel lousy about this too? All right, Ginnie. I don't wanna talk anymore about it. I don't think I got one hour's sleep the whole night. Last night was the first time in my life I ever heard my mother cry, you know that? -All right, Ginnie. I don't wanna talk anymore about it. I don't think I got one hour's sleep the whole night. Last night was the first time in my life I ever heard my mother cry, you know that? Tommy... -Tommy... I don't wanna talk about it! -I know what you're gonna say. A man's gotta stop being his mother's baby sooner or later. How many times you gonna say it? She's my mother, you know. I oughta have some feelings about her, don't you think? Why do you always put me inna position of being the louse? -Why do you always put me inna position of being the louse? Virginia, I don't wanna hear no more about it! -Tommy... I don't wanna hear anymore about it, you hear me? -Wadda you so sore about? Oh shaddup, will you do me a favor? -What about the time she wanted to make an old-fashioned Italian dinner for my brother, but you wouldn't let her!? Waddaya talking about?!! -Waddaya talking about?!! Once a month you couldn't let her use the kitchen! -Once a month you couldn't let her use the kitchen! I told her she could use the kitchen any time she wanted... -I told her she could use the kitchen any time she wanted... ...You hadda be the boss inna kitchen alla time! -...You hadda be the boss inna kitchen alla time! She don't wanna use my pots and pans! -There's sort of a built-in prayer for the sick man to get well, but of course that's not the basic intention. I don't care about the intention. I just know your Cross Action is a plus on our side. I've seen it come through four times. -We wanted to tell you how you were helping us with your fixes. Well, sure, but I'm also worried about Walt Waldowski – Painless. His poker players got in an argument and asked him for a ruling, and he said what difference did it make, it was just a card game. -How they goin', Losing Preacher? What do you hear from the Pope? You talked to Walt? -You talked to Walt? He's parted his moorings. -What do you want me to do? Put in one of your fixes. Walt knows he's loused himself with the Church, but it's part of our plan to make him think he has the keys to the kingdom. Which he will think if you grease the skids for him. -Put in one of your fixes. Walt knows he's loused himself with the Church, but it's part of our plan to make him think he has the keys to the kingdom. Which he will think if you grease the skids for him. I don't think I can give absolution to a man who's about to commit suicide. It's a mortal sin. -I don't think I can give absolution to a man who's about to commit suicide. It's a mortal sin. What is, Red, the intention or the act? -What is, Red, the intention or the act? I believe it takes both. I'd have to look it up. -I believe it takes both. I'd have to look it up. Just use common sense. Your job is preventing sin, and the way to do that is give him your best Cross Action. -Nice looking kid. Going to be okay? He'll live if that's what you mean. But somebody better be around when he comes to and finds out there's nothing left between his legs. -What do I do with it Hawk? This is a little out of my line. Didn't recognize you, Red. When you get the clamp all the way down, open it as wide as you can and see if you can close it on the artery. -Y'all were short a couple cutters and we're what the Army sent. Don't you know the first thing you're supposed to do at a new post is present yourself to the commanding officer with your orders? -Don't you know the first thing you're supposed to do at a new post is present yourself to the commanding officer with your orders? Reckon so, but we been boozing all day and you work up an appetite. -Reckon so, but we been boozing all day and you work up an appetite. You're welcome to one of these, whatever they are. -You're welcome to one of these, whatever they are. They give you copies to burn. -Good. You've both been working close to the front. Never this close. -Never this close. They've hit us on Cherry Hill. I just got word. We have our slack periods but when the action starts, you'll have more work in twelve hours than a civilian surgeon does in a week. -I may need you to go to work practically immediately. But meanwhile perhaps you'd like to meet some of your fellow officers. Just one for a start. -Yeah, maybe move that nurse in. She don't seem the type to keep you awake praying. I have been in this Army a long time. I know just what you guys are up to. But there are limits... -Yes, O'Reilly? How you, Radar? -You boys'll have to go to work early. You fixing to add overtime to a twelve- hour day? The union ain't gonna like it. -What are you going to do with him? Well... I was going to name you Chief Surgeon... To consult on both shifts, yours and Frank's. -Well... I was going to name you Chief Surgeon... To consult on both shifts, yours and Frank's. Hey, that's great, Henry! Good thinking! -Stop him! Stop that man! Sure, you just blindfold him first and tie him to a stake. -Now I got you for a witness, I'm going to try again. So far all I dragged out of him is he's from Bahston and he's only been in the Army two months. Where were you when they drafted you? Home. -Home. I mean, what were you doing? Were you a resident or on a staff someplace? -I mean, what were you doing? Were you a resident or on a staff someplace? That's right. -That's right. Where? -Where? Hospital. -Hospital. Which hospital? -Which hospital? Back home. -Back home. Is there any reason why we shouldn't know the name of it? -Is there any reason why we shouldn't know the name of it? No. Or why you should. -Don't you use olives? Where you think you are, boy? They probably never seen a olive in this country. -How you, Walt? We was just fixing to have a nightcap. Pour one for Painless. -Miss you, Walt. He said it for us all, Walt. -Pulse, slow, very little pressure. Look at that right eye. -Look at that right eye. Epidural hematoma? -Epidural hematoma? I don't know what else. You've been that route a little, haven't you? -I don't know what else. You've been that route a little, haven't you? Not enough to be a pro. -She had this shiny black hair piled up on her head, but later on she let it hang loose and I'll be damned if it didn't come all the way down to her ass. I've always had a hankering for blonde pussy myself. My wife's hair is a wonderful golden yellow, and this time of year it gets even lighter. -Okay, I'm a witness, but how do you prove who's right? There's only one way. -It certainly isn't Henry's fault Hot Lips Houlihan doesn't like her name. Or her figger. -Well, he's taken care of. Scratch one hot dog. You really think we hurt him that bad? -You really think we hurt him that bad? Hell, no, all you did was knock the wind out of him. But he won't be playing any more football today. -Y'all mind the store. Four goddam months. And they don't even give you time off for good behavior. -Because is not democrash? All peoples created equal? Hey, you been sneaking some reading outside the frigging Bible! -Hey, you been sneaking some reading outside the frigging Bible! I have great interest for America, his peoples and his custom. -I have great interest for America, his peoples and his custom. Good, because we got a fine old American custom we want to teach you. You know what these are? -I don't think I should have opened my big mouth. Sorry, Ho-Jon. That's okay. Live a little, learn a little. -You – must – open – me – up – again? No, Ho-Jon, we're not going to open you up. -Thou. For Thou art with me. Welcome, welcome, welcome! What the hell's going on here? -What the hell's going on here? This is Ho-Jon, my houseboy. Our houseboy. I'm teaching him English. -This is Ho-Jon, my houseboy. Our houseboy. I'm teaching him English. Where's he gonna use that kind of talk? 'The valley of the shadow of death.' Wait a minute, Ho-Jon... I got something for you. -But first will you please kindly shut the goddam door? I don't drink intoxicants. -I don't believe it's right for you to involve a boy who's not seventeen years old yet... The door, Frank, the door! Where you from anyhow, Alaska? -The door, Frank, the door! Where you from anyhow, Alaska? Wisconsin. -Wisconsin. Same general idea. -So long, Ho-Jon. You make a mean martini, kid. -Us. Lead us not into... ...No cases over the age of temptation but deliver us eight. from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, the power and... -What? When he sees a little running room, he likes to make a show... you know, stutter steps and cross-overs and all that jazz. Also he never learned to button up when he gets hit, so if you two can get a good shot at him once, you can hurt him. -We got to stop them right here. And get ourselves another touchdown to win. I wish to hell we knew what they were plotting. -You mind if we get out of this guy's brain first? What's there to do? You found the sliver. -What's there to do? You found the sliver. There might be another tiny piece we missed. I want to look around before we close up. -There might be another tiny piece we missed. I want to look around before we close up. Perfectionist. -My name's Hawkeye Pierce. Duke Forrest. -You got directions? Ayuh, only it's early, I need a drink to wake me up. -Ayuh, only it's early, I need a drink to wake me up. I got some. -Make it yourself, or is it real? Georgia, where I come from, it's real if you make it yourself. But I been buying from the Yankee Government since they put me in this soldier suit and give me a rate. -Georgia, where I come from, it's real if you make it yourself. But I been buying from the Yankee Government since they put me in this soldier suit and give me a rate. Tax-free booze. It's about all you can say for army life. -Tax-free booze. It's about all you can say for army life. Where you from with that crazy way of talking? -Where you from with that crazy way of talking? Crabapple Cove. Maine. -Crabapple Cove. Maine. Damn! That must be about as far north as you can get. -Damn! That must be about as far north as you can get. Pretty near. What do you know about the outfit we're going to? -Pretty near. What do you know about the outfit we're going to? C.O. is Colonel Blake. Lieutenant Colonel Henry Braymore Blake. One of them regular army clowns. Push you around so it's hard to get any decent work done. -C.O. is Colonel Blake. Lieutenant Colonel Henry Braymore Blake. One of them regular army clowns. Push you around so it's hard to get any decent work done. We got to head them off, right at the start. Push them around first. -What's the initials 'MP' stand for, Hawkeye? Shore Patrol, Duke. Let's go! -Must be the Famous Curb Service Whore – House. You in the market Duke? I done my shopping in Seoul last night. -Well, there it is. Jesus! The spot we picked to spend the winter. Maybe we ought to look a little harder. -What do you think of that piece of scenery, Yankee boy? Finest kind. We'll sit where we can get the best view. -Colonel Blake, have no fear. Hawkeye and Duke are here. That's right, pal. You just sit up front and sign the mail, and leave the cutting to us. -Little light reading matter. Just right for his age. Well, southern boy, I suppose you want the sack that's convenient to the door. -Well, southern boy, I suppose you want the sack that's convenient to the door. And gets the wind every time it opens. No, thanks. I'll take that one. -This kid's ready but we won't know all the damage till we get in and see what's happened. What have you got? Nothing can't wait. Shall we check it out with the Major? -Now that's what I call real pretty. We can close up here and go into his belly. He can't take much more time on the table. -He can't take much more time on the table. So we got to cut him fast. I figure from the X-ray it ain't just the spleen. We also got to snatch his right kidney. -Christ Almighty, I think he means it! We been had. -We've stuck it out for a whole week now... Pretty girl. We sure don't aim to cause any trouble... Yeah, she seems to grow on you. -No, Hawkeye just said it all. Except we forgot one other small thing. -Except we forgot one other small thing. What's that? -What's that? The chest-cutter. -The chest-cutter. Yeah, that's right. You better get us a chest-cutter before there's trouble. -Yeah, that's right. You better get us a chest-cutter before there's trouble. This outfit needs somebody who can find his way around the pulmonary anatomy when the bases are loaded. -This outfit needs somebody who can find his way around the pulmonary anatomy when the bases are loaded. And it's the ninth inning. -Jesus to Jesus and eight hands around! Duke, did I ever tell you how I beat Dartmouth by intercepting a pass? Sixteen times. -Sixteen times. We didn't have a chance, little Androscoggin College against the Big Green, but there was this blizzard and we held then nothing nothing till the last twenty seconds. Then this great passer of theirs let one go, snow and all... -Must be Painlees Pole Day in the Shower Tent. You met him. Walt Waldowski, the Dental Officer. -You met him. Walt Waldowski, the Dental Officer. Nice guy, for an enamel surgeon. -Best equipped dentist in the whole goddam Army. Care to have a look, a man with your background? Way we hear it, the Pride is supposed to have run up the highest lifetime batting average ever recorded in Wayne County. -This kid looks like a loser. Maybe we better get the bead-jiggler to put in a fix. Call Dago Red. -And you've had a natural four times in a row in a crap game. Right? Does that mean...? Not without lots of praying and kissing the dice. It's a different ritual but it works the same. -Not without lots of praying and kissing the dice. It's a different ritual but it works the same. What do you think, Trapper? -Y'all just act natural. Get out the scotch, Ho-Jon. Don't mention the sex thing unless he brings it up. -That there Frank Burns is a menace. Whenever a patient croaks on him it's either God's will or somebody else's fault. This time he did it to a kid who's simple enough to believe him. Why don't you dump the mother, Henry? He creates more work than he gets done. -Hail to the chief! We-all got a responsibility, men. He's crowned like a king ought to be, but he can't just walk to the Mess Hall by himself. He has to be carried by native bearers. Good thinking, Duke. How about it, Ho-Jon? Can you round up a few of the boys? -Never mind. Forget it. A native is someone who is born in a particular place. -When will he be able to write? What's he got to write, for God's sake? -What's he got to write, for God's sake? An application to Androscoggin College. -I guess that's why you go for Hot Lips Houlihan. You know damn well I nearly puke when I look at her. I don't even think she's a real blonde. -You know damn well I nearly puke when I look at her. I don't even think she's a real blonde. How can you say a thing like that about an officer in the United States Army? -How can you say a thing like that about an officer in the United States Army? I not only say it, I'll back it up twenty buck's worth. -I not only say it, I'll back it up twenty buck's worth. You got yourself a bet, Georgia boy. You're a witness. -Where the hell we going to get us a football team? All three of us played for our schools. And there are at least four other guys... -Never heard of him. Sure you have, only as 'Spearchucker' Jones. -Sure you have, only as 'Spearchucker' Jones. The nigra boy with the Philadelphia Eagles? -How come nobody knows about him? And you do? I worked with Spearchucker my first month over here, at the 72nd Evac in Taegu. Most of the colored guys know who he is but they're not talking because he asked them not to. -Now wait a minute, Hawkeye. I come a long way, learning to put up with a couple of crazy Yankees, but... Don't tell me about your problems, boy. Explain them to Ho-Jon. -Look at the size of those two beasts. I don't think I could hurt one of them with a sledgehammer. -Don't try to get it far down. Kick it up high so we can get there and surround that son-ofa-bitch. Yeah, if I can. -Me, too. Y'all just seen me play my last game. Same here. You can retire my number. -Henry's got our orders! We're going home! When? -When? Any time. Whenever we want. -Any time. Whenever we want. Be right with you. -There's no transportation anyway this time of night. We could steal one of the choppers. -We could steal one of the choppers. I looked. Suspicious bastards got them all locked up. -I thought we were heading for trouble putting on all these trinkets. We got to start rehabilitating, Duke, if we want to be halfway human by the time we get back to our wives. -We got to start rehabilitating, Duke, if we want to be halfway human by the time we get back to our wives. But no short-arm inspection. I'm with you there. -But no short-arm inspection. I'm with you there. Screw it. We been earning our keep as respectable knife artists. Why should we do work any pill-rolling punk could handle? -Hell, man, that don't matter. We're loaded. We were big wheels in the black market in Seoul. Plus running the opium concession for the whole Eighth Army. -Let's hear from you, you goddam Yankee. Be nice to see you some time. Like the Spearchucker said, that's possible. Anyway, it's been an interesting association. -There's no point appealing to Colonel Blake. They've got him bewitched. No. The only thing to do is write General Hammond. But it's hard to find a place around here for a private discussion. -No. The only thing to do is write General Hammond. But it's hard to find a place around here for a private discussion. I have a tent to myself. -I have a tent to myself. People will talk. -People will talk. I don't mind. If we give them something to talk about. -I think it's a marvelous letter. We're a good team. -We're a good team. We think the same way. -We think the same way. It's supper time. But you're not hungry are you? -It's supper time. But you're not hungry are you? Ravenous. What about you? -Ravenous. What about you? Well, sure, if you are, Margaret... -Well, sure, if you are, Margaret... Anyway, we want to get this letter off. -Godless buffoons, all of them. It's that disrespect for you, that's what I can't forgive them. -It's that disrespect for you, that's what I can't forgive them. Oh, I'm used to it. What makes me sore is how they behave towards you. They ought to be grateful to have you. I certainly am. -Oh, I'm used to it. What makes me sore is how they behave towards you. They ought to be grateful to have you. I certainly am. And I'm grateful for you, Frank, especially with those boors around. We've grown very close in a short time. -Frank... Don't stop now! Please... -Wait a second... I can't... couldn't. -Is that liquor? Finest kind. We're training Ho-Jon to be a bartender. Join us? -Give us this day our daily... You ever caught this bread, and forgive our syndrome before, Duke? -You ever caught this bread, and forgive our syndrome before, Duke? ...trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against... -...And for our young men on the field of battle, that they may return home to their dear ones... Come clean with us, Frank. Were you on this religious kick back home, or did you start to crack up here on the post? -Come clean with us, Frank. Were you on this religious kick back home, or did you start to crack up here on the post? ...And for our Supreme Commander over here and our Commander-in-Chief in Washington. -I was just asking... Shut up or I'll tear you apart. -If we had closer relations, there wouldn't be any misunderstandings. That's where a football game would help. Between your outfit and mine. A football game? -A football game? Special Services in Tokyo are all for it. They say it's one of the main gimmicks we have to keep the American way of life going here in Asia. -Special Services in Tokyo are all for it. They say it's one of the main gimmicks we have to keep the American way of life going here in Asia. But what about Major Houlihan? -But what about Major Houlihan? You mean Hot Lips? Screw her. -You mean Hot Lips? Screw her. N-n-no thanks, G-General. -The hell we won't! You bastards pulled something, I don't know what, but we've been beating you without him. Ane we'll go on beating you! You willing to b-back that up with odds? -You willing to b-back that up with odds? Damn right. Three to one, as much as you want to put up. -Gimme three. At ease. Captain Pierce, you have a seriously wounded patient for whom you are responsible. Yet I find you in a poker game. -At ease. Captain Pierce, you have a seriously wounded patient for whom you are responsible. Yet I find you in a poker game. You betcher ass, Dad. -You betcher ass, Dad. What? -Pierce! That soldier requires immediate attention. I'm a surgeon and I know. You betcher ass, General. -I'm going to play poker until three a.m. or until the patient is ready for surgery. However, if you'd like to operate on him yourself right now, be my guest. I get the same dough whether I work or not. I want to talk to you, Pierce. -I want to talk to you, Pierce. There's nothing to talk about, General. You take the case yourself or join me at three o'clock. Either way you're liable to learn something. -Now, General, I'm going to sandbag you. Do you think we're ready to get out of this belly? Obviously you don't think so, and I don't know why. -Obviously you don't think so, and I don't know why. Well, Dad, we haven't found any holes in the large bowel. They've all been in the small bowel, but the smell is different. I caught a whiff of large bowel, but it ain't staring us in the face, right? -Well, Dad, we haven't found any holes in the large bowel. They've all been in the small bowel, but the smell is different. I caught a whiff of large bowel, but it ain't staring us in the face, right? Right. -Right. So if it ain't staring us in the face, it's got to be retroperitoneal. And that, along with the look of the wounds, makes me figure he's got a hole in his sigmoid colon that we won't find unless we look for it. -And there it is. I'm impressed, Pierce. Naturally, the kind of job I have, I don't get much chance to keep up with what goes on in the OR. -I'm impressed, Pierce. Naturally, the kind of job I have, I don't get much chance to keep up with what goes on in the OR. Neither does Henry Blake. But I'll tell you what makes him the best C.O. you've got in any of your hospitals. He leaves all the medical decisions to the men who do the day- to-day work and understand what meatball surgery is. -Well, it's still pretty much in the talk stage. We had a team at the 325th Evac last fall. I coached the boys myself. -We had a team at the 325th Evac last fall. I coached the boys myself. I think I heard about that. -I think I heard about that. Now we're working out a schedule of the outfits we're going to play this year. We all chip into a pool and make bets. -Now we're working out a schedule of the outfits we're going to play this year. We all chip into a pool and make bets. Must be fun. But the point we want to make about Henry... -Must be fun. But the point we want to make about Henry... I'm sure we could find a date for your team. Why don't I take it up with Henry? Thanks for the drink, boys. -I only wanted to know what she's like in the sack. Do those big boobs hold up or are they kind of droopy? Hawkeye's asking the Major's opinion on a point of anatomy. -Hawkeye's asking the Major's opinion on a point of anatomy. Also I'm curious whether she's a moaner or... -A-negative. I've cross-matched it. I though you said we didn't have a drop. -I though you said we didn't have a drop. I found a doner. -Radar! All you have to do is ask. The quarterback is saying they'll run the old Statue of Liberty. Their left end will come across and take the ball out of his hand and try to get around our left end. -What for? We need medical officers for short- arm inspection starting the first afternoon out. -We need medical officers for short- arm inspection starting the first afternoon out. Oh, certainly, Sergeant. My name is Captain George Limburger, and this is Captain Walter Camembert. -Oh, certainly, Sergeant. My name is Captain George Limburger, and this is Captain Walter Camembert. C-A-M-E-M...? -C-A-M-E-M...? B-E-R-T, right. See you tomorrow. -B-E-R-T, right. See you tomorrow. Oh, I'm not sailing with you. I work out of the hospital here. -I think I've seen this nut somewhere. Haven't I? If you don't know what you've seen, why should I? -That's the front up the road a few miles. We have to get by without some of the comforts of home. I like an olive. -Lucky you didn't have your mouth open or it would have gone down your throat. He's Trapper John! Only man in history who ever found fulfillment in the ladies' can of a Boston and Maine Railroad car! When the Conductor caught him in there with his Winter Carnival date, she screamed: 'He trapped me!' What have you been doing since those days, Trapper? -What are they peeking at? Captain Waldowski in the shower? Part of him. Painless is the owner and operator of the Pride of Hamtrack. That's where he comes from... Hamtrack, Michigan. -...But I turned in my knee pads. Ho-Jon, give the Father some more martini. -Black capsule. The black capsule. Finest kind. Thank you, Dr. McIntyre. -We're throwing him a Last Supper. We came to invite you. The Painless Pole plans to cross the Great Divide tonight and we need your help to straighten him out. -Or you can let him knock himself out. You personally'd be sending him to his grave. An eternal damnation. -We stand behind all our work. You want it straight? Medical history records no instance of anyone taking this particular prescription and surviving. -It's a bedroom where a man is always at his peak and doesn't have to take any time outs. And all the angels are built like Lieutenant Dish. -Very well, Your Majesty. Congratulations, Frank. He picked you. No, no, that one. -No, no, that one. Oh, you want to play it straight? I guess I owe you an apology. -I came within about ten yards of you. You know something, Trapper, the way we been going, if we ever got to see a real golf course again, I bet we could burn it up. As far as the greens maybe. I don't know if my putting would come back or not, without some practice. -I'm not so sure the goddam thing's in his heart. 'Course it isn't, but how many chances do we get to go to Japan? With our golf clubs. -Let me translate. I've had some exposure to the language. The young man is from Brooklyn and he wants us to vacate this vehicle. But weren't you supposed to meet the surgeons who are going to slice up the Congressman's son? -But besides the operation, we've got to get in at least eighteen holes of golf. So let's haul ass, Sergeant. -Look. Beautiful. What do you think? Should we stop and play nine holes now and operate on the kid later? If he's still alive. -Don't worry, son. That's Captain McIntyre, and he's the best chest surgeon in the Far East and maybe in the whole U.S. Army. He'll fix you up fine. Your daddy saw to that. Just like we thought, it's a routine problem. Nurse, who's in charge of operating room preparations? -Did I ever tell you about Me Lay Marston? Your high school friend who went around saying 'Me lay, you lay?' to all the young females in the community. As I remember, you said it was quite a successful approach. -Your high school friend who went around saying 'Me lay, you lay?' to all the young females in the community. As I remember, you said it was quite a successful approach. Well, he wouldn't score more than once in seven or eight tries, but the important thing was he didn't waste time socializing. Anyway, Trapper John, this is Me Lay. -Please! Face it, Colonel, you don't have us, we have you. Your boys blew this case, we bailed you out. We figure we ought to hang around a day to check the Congressman's kid, and we also figure to play some golf. So if that's okay with you, we got a deal. And if it isn't, why don't we call Washington on your telephone? You tell your story, we'll tell ours. -And if it isn't, why don't we call Washington on your telephone? You tell your story, we'll tell ours. When you make up your mind, get in touch. The golf club is probably the best place to leave a message. -Come on, Trapper. We got to forget golf for today. I don't know why. As long as it's light enough to see your caddie. -I don't know why. As long as it's light enough to see your caddie. What's the age of consent in this country? -Is he out? Like the Rock of Gibraltar. -Best thing you could do for all of us is grab some sack time. Radar! -For you, Trapper. Okay, but I'll need you to help. Duke, will you take that belly back there? The Australian? -It's in pretty deep. Yeah, and he's lost a lot of blood. I'm afraid it's hit more that just the lung. -Christ, it's Ho-Jon! Hiya, Ho-Jon. You got a piece of a shell in your chest, but we'll take it out as soon as you've had more blood. Hey, Radar! -If we squeeze him through, I'm going to get him into Androscoggin College. How about squeezing him through into Dartmouth? If all he wants to do is catch lobsters, he can learn that here. -How about squeezing him through into Dartmouth? If all he wants to do is catch lobsters, he can learn that here. Dartmouth's too big and too expensive. If he's as good as I think he is, he can move into the big league later. But Androscoggin first. -Dartmouth's too big and too expensive. If he's as good as I think he is, he can move into the big league later. But Androscoggin first. We'll need room. The sixth rib goes. -We'll need room. The sixth rib goes. Never mind the conversation. Do it, Dad. -Never mind the conversation. Do it, Dad. You aspirate the blood from the chest cavity. Damn, there's more of it than I thought. -You aspirate the blood from the chest cavity. Damn, there's more of it than I thought. If we don't get that pint, he's in trouble. -I don't feel anything. Oh, Jesus. -I can't feel it now either. The mother must have gone in. I don't get it. -I don't get it. It was in the cava and the hole sealed itself off. I must have jiggled it just enough to turn it loose. I can't feel it in the heart or the right pulmonary artery. So it's in the left pulmonary artery. -It was in the cava and the hole sealed itself off. I must have jiggled it just enough to turn it loose. I can't feel it in the heart or the right pulmonary artery. So it's in the left pulmonary artery. What do we do? -What do we do? We'll have to close this hole and make one on the other side. -We'll have to close this hole and make one on the other side. Be kind of rough on him if there's no blood. Why don't we close up and sit on him a couple of days? -Be kind of rough on him if there's no blood. Why don't we close up and sit on him a couple of days? Sure, that's the right way... at John Hopkins or someplace. But how do we know there won't be even more of a jam-up a few days from now? Maybe we won't be able to get to him when we want to. Maybe the goddam thing'll erode the artery when nobody's looking. Our best shot is now. -It's five minutes into nurses' shower hour. Where are they? They're coming. -But he's got five times the man-power to draw on. We can balance that by getting ourselves a ringer. Henry has to say he needs a neurosurgeon and put in a specific request for Dr. Oliver Harmon Jones. -He only lasted one season. On account he got caught in the doctor draft. He was a surgical resident playing semi-pro ball weekends when the Eagles signed him. -So what makes you think he'll play for us? We'll cut him in on the bets we make. And still have enough profit to send Ho-Jon to college. -We'll cut him in on the bets we make. And still have enough profit to send Ho-Jon to college. Might make kind of a social issue, not having any other Negro officer. -Might make kind of a social issue, not having any other Negro officer. He can move in here with us. -But we'd have to break his leg or something to keep him out of the game for good. Not necessarily. -Captain Pierce, would I be imposing...? Honey, nobody as pretty as you could ever impose... please sit down. Coffee? -Captain, I've been observing the nurses on your shift. But naturally your own opinion is more informed than mine. I'm glad you feel that way, Major, because you see it's a team effort... doctors, nurses, enlisted men... and I feel responsible for my whole team, and I want you to know I'm satisfied with them. -I'm glad you feel that way, Major, because you see it's a team effort... doctors, nurses, enlisted men... and I feel responsible for my whole team, and I want you to know I'm satisfied with them. All of them? -All of them? That's right. We work well together. -That's right. We work well together. Major Burns is far from satisfied. -Major Burns is far from satisfied. That don't surprise me. If you're a good observer, you must have observed by now that Frank Burns is a jerk. -That don't surprise me. If you're a good observer, you must have observed by now that Frank Burns is a jerk. On the contrary, I've observed he's not only a good technical surgeon, he's a good military surgeon. And that includes how a man dresses and how he bears himself and his sense of what it means to be an officer in the United States Army. -On the contrary, I've observed he's not only a good technical surgeon, he's a good military surgeon. And that includes how a man dresses and how he bears himself and his sense of what it means to be an officer in the United States Army. And his track record, that don't count? Look, honey, when you watch the two shifts try to notice which one does the most work with the least fuss. -And his track record, that don't count? Look, honey, when you watch the two shifts try to notice which one does the most work with the least fuss. I've noticed that both nurses and enlisted men address you as 'Hawkeye.' -I've noticed that both nurses and enlisted men address you as 'Hawkeye.' It's my name. Maybe that sounds silly to you but... -It's my name. Maybe that sounds silly to you but... That kind of familiarity is inconsistent with maximum efficiency in a military organization. -That kind of familiarity is inconsistent with maximum efficiency in a military organization. Okay, Major, honey. I'm going to have a couple shots scotch and go to bed. I'd normally ask you to join me but obviously you're a female version of the routine Regular Army clown. And that turns me off, so just leave my outfit alone and we'll get along fine. See you around the campus. -Okay, Major, honey. I'm going to have a couple shots scotch and go to bed. I'd normally ask you to join me but obviously you're a female version of the routine Regular Army clown. And that turns me off, so just leave my outfit alone and we'll get along fine. See you around the campus. I wonder how a degenerated person like you could have reached a position of responsibility in the Army Medical Corps. -I wonder how a degenerated person like you could have reached a position of responsibility in the Army Medical Corps. Sister, if I knew the answer to that I sure as hell wouldn't be here. -Hey, Knocko, I got those pictures you promised to look at of my kids. You too, Wilma. It won't take a minute. You can see them too, if you want. No, thank you. I'm not the slightest bit interested. -Listen, we look pretty lousy out there, right? Well, for college players that have been out of training seven or eight years... -Well, for college players that have been out of training seven or eight years... I'm thinking about how we can make more money. Suppose we bet only part of our dough and keep this big animal out of the game the whole first half and let them roll up some points. Then you could bet the rest of our bundle between the halves and get the General and his friends to give us some real odds. -The bastards outconned us. I think we could still have a chance. -I think we could still have a chance. If you start the game instead of waiting, you mean? -If you start the game instead of waiting, you mean? No, let's stick to that strategy till we see whether you boys can do two things. The first is get that halfback out of the game. He had one year with the Rams before the Army got him, but he didn't play too often because he's one of those hot dogs. -What's the matter? We may be in trouble, I can't catch my breath. I've got the occupational disease of oversized ex-athletes. -See you. It's possible -It's possible Hang in there. -Isn't this ridiculous, Doctor? Six months I've been here and there are still times when I can't stand it. I just go to pieces. There's nothing ridiculous about it. A kid like you... -Thank you, Captain Pierce. It's been so long. No trouble at all. Hawkeye. -No trouble at all. Hawkeye. How did you get called that? -How did you get called that? 'The Last of the Mohicans.' Only book my father ever read. -You're getting a workout, you and Captain Forrest, your first night. It isn't always this rough? -It isn't always this rough? Oh, no. We have dull stretches every week or so, thank God, when there's nothing to do after midnight. -Oh, no. We have dull stretches every week or so, thank God, when there's nothing to do after midnight. They don't have to be dull. I mean if you and me put our minds together... -They don't have to be dull. I mean if you and me put our minds together... Our minds? -Our minds? For a start. I just have a hunch... well, it isn't entirely a hunch... -For a start. I just have a hunch... well, it isn't entirely a hunch... You're an attractive man. -You're an attractive man. You have a certain modest charm yourself. -You have a certain modest charm yourself. But I'm married. -But I'm married. Something else we have in common. -Something else we have in common. Very happily married. -Very happily married. Same here. -Same here. And absolutely determined to be faithful to my husband. Do we have that in common, Captain? -And absolutely determined to be faithful to my husband. Do we have that in common, Captain? It's a matter of definition. Faithful in spirit, yes. -It's a matter of definition. Faithful in spirit, yes. I don't make the distinction. But the sex urge is a powerful force. In women just as much as men. -I don't make the distinction. But the sex urge is a powerful force. In women just as much as men. Ayuh. -Ayuh. You'd think now, with only six weeks before they ship me back home, it would be easier. But it isn't. -You'd think now, with only six weeks before they ship me back home, it would be easier. But it isn't. Of course not. -Of course not. It's terribly hard. Sometimes the temptation is just too much. -It's terribly hard. Sometimes the temptation is just too much. Then why not, as long as it wouldn't hurt anybody...? -Then why not, as long as it wouldn't hurt anybody...? But you've made me feel strong again, Captain. Hawkeye. You helped me pull together when I needed it. -Even if I weren't. Maria... -I couldn't have slept tonight anyhow. You're leaving tomorrow? -You're leaving tomorrow? In less than twelve hours I'll be on my way. -In less than twelve hours I'll be on my way. That's when the real strain starts. Three weeks on a troopship. Poor baby. -That's when the real strain starts. Three weeks on a troopship. Poor baby. Dear, sweet Hawkeye. -Dear, sweet Hawkeye. Though I guess who it'll really be rough on is your husband. -Though I guess who it'll really be rough on is your husband. You're on his side all of the sudden? -You're on his side all of the sudden? A man would be more considerate. He wouldn't come home to his wife a nervous wreck. -A man would be more considerate. He wouldn't come home to his wife a nervous wreck. How would he avoid it... as if I needed to ask? -How would he avoid it... as if I needed to ask? It could be a purely impersonal thing. What matters is the therapeutic value of relieving your tensions. -It could be a purely impersonal thing. What matters is the therapeutic value of relieving your tensions. You should have been a marriage counselor. But I'll show you what's wrong with your theory. -Do you think anything between us could be impersonal? Or pure? You better forget logic, because you're proving why I shouldn't go to bed with you. I didn't mean with me. -You're asking for somebody else? It happens to be a matter of life and death. -It happens to be a matter of life and death. A man is going to die if he doesn't have my fair young body? -A man is going to die if he doesn't have my fair young body? Precisely, Maria. Tonight you have the same privilege that comes on rare occasions to the chief executive of some state or nation... the privilege of restoring life, by one tender act of mercy, to a doomed fellow creature. -He should come to now for a while, but he's got so much dope in him by tomorrow he won't know fact from fantasy. You think he won't. -You think he won't. What do you care? You'll be on your way to Japan. -What do you care? You'll be on your way to Japan. I'm fond of Painless, and I'd feel terrible if anything happened to him... -I'm fond of Painless, and I'd feel terrible if anything happened to him... It's your decision, Maria. I don't want to high-pressure you. -It's your decision, Maria. I don't want to high-pressure you. I'd be crazy to think my virtue, such as it is, was more important than his life... -I'd be crazy to think my virtue, such as it is, was more important than his life... In fact I'd rather not try to influence you at all. Let's just go in and take a look, and then you think it through for yourself. -You please excuse... I have been making examination of this young man to find if he will be soldier in our army. Yes, I know. Hi, Ho-Jon. How did it go? -Yes, I know. Hi, Ho-Jon. How did it go? I don't liking it at all, what I hear when I listen to the heart. And such a blood pressure for so young a boys. Is frightening. -I don't liking it at all, what I hear when I listen to the heart. And such a blood pressure for so young a boys. Is frightening. I'm sorry to hear that. You think he's unfit for military service? -I'm sorry to hear that. You think he's unfit for military service? At first is no doubt. But then I am seeing on his paper he work in American hospital. And I think there are so many drugs in such a places, he could take some by mistake. -At first is no doubt. But then I am seeing on his paper he work in American hospital. And I think there are so many drugs in such a places, he could take some by mistake. Why would he do that? -Why would he do that? Who is knowing? But the drug I have find in his urine is solving all mysteries. By tomorrow will be gone his fast heart and high blood pressure. So I think maybe you will like to tell him goodbye. Okay? -Two-man job. How much blood has he had? Second pint. -Second pint. Duke... -It was really nice of you to take me along. I didn't have much choice. -I didn't have much choice. You really say the cutest things. -You really say the cutest things. Yeah! -Captain Camembert! Captain Camembert! Excuse me, Sergeant. -Excuse me, Sergeant. Yes, Reverend? -Yes, Reverend? What do you want with those two medical officers? -What do you want with those two medical officers? They're supposed to hold short-arm inspection. -Be the longest short-arm inspection you ever held! Thanks, Reverend. Thank you both for tipping me off. You don't know a Captain Forrest or a Captain Pierce, do you? -Thanks, Reverend. Thank you both for tipping me off. You don't know a Captain Forrest or a Captain Pierce, do you? They missed the boat. -They missed the boat. Thanks. -Thanks. Glad to help. -He's the pro from Dover and I'm the Ghost of Smokey Joe. Save that crap for the rest of the clamdiggers back home. -The real Trapper John? The one who threw you the famous pass and went to greater glory on the Boston and Maine Railroad? The one and only. -The one and only. Proud to know you, Trapper. Like to shake your hand if you'll hurry up and get that chest closed. You still working the trains? -You don't go after the local scrunch? I'm too busy, actually. Not for the Army, of course, but where I live. Dr. Yamachi's New Era Pediatric Hospital and Whorehouse. I'm serious. The guy has this crude hospital for kids and a whorehouse on the side to finance it, all in the same building. -What do you do in the joint besides pimp? That's about the only thing I don't do – that I'm built for. I inspect the girls and take care of some of the kids in the hospital. Sometimes I tend bar and act as bouncer. -Why can't you look at him? I have but well, you know, I've been mainly an anesthetist a long time now and... well, I'd like you guys to take a look at him. -I have but well, you know, I've been mainly an anesthetist a long time now and... well, I'd like you guys to take a look at him. What's the story? -What's the story? Well, one of the girls got careless and two days ago she gave birth to an eight-pound American-Japanese male. -Well, one of the girls got careless and two days ago she gave birth to an eight-pound American-Japanese male. What's wrong with him? -What's wrong with him? Every time we feed him, it either comes right back up or he coughs and turns blue and has a hell of a time. -He's coming to. Let's get his clothes off quick. -Glad to know you. Drop in at my clinic anytime you feel like playing a little poker, or even if a tooth is bothering you. Poker sounds great. When do you play? -If a man isn't a man anymore, what's he got left to live for? Tell me the whole story, Walt. -Tell me the whole story, Walt. There's this native broad works in the laundry. I don't know if you've noticed. -There's this native broad works in the laundry. I don't know if you've noticed. There's only one worth noticing. -There's only one worth noticing. You noticed. I wasn't going to fool around over here. I've got these three girls I'm engaged to back home... -But I had this feeling I ought to make the effort. To test myself. And I flunked. What did you have to test, for God's sake... the dental Don Juan of Detroit? -What did you have to test, for God's sake... the dental Don Juan of Detroit? Don Juanism is just a cover... I've been reading up on it. I'm a fake, I'm a fraud, I've been living a lie! -Painless, you mustn't talk that way. It's a lot of crap. Cover for what? Homosexuality. -Now I know that's been my problem since I was a kid. But it only caught up to me last night. You've been drawn to other males? Since you were a kid? -You've been drawn to other males? Since you were a kid? No, never in the slightest. -No, never in the slightest. Just in dreams? -Just in dreams? Or in dreams either. I repressed it completely. Classic pattern of inhibition. -Or in dreams either. I repressed it completely. Classic pattern of inhibition. That's what you've been doing all these years with every dame you could lay your hands on? Repressing your real self? -That's what you've been doing all these years with every dame you could lay your hands on? Repressing your real self? But it's all over now, and I can't face it. Imagine if you found out you were one, you wouldn't like breaking the news to your wife. Well, I got the same problem multiplied. -But it's all over now, and I can't face it. Imagine if you found out you were one, you wouldn't like breaking the news to your wife. Well, I got the same problem multiplied. You don't have any problem. You've got thirty good years ahead of you, easy. Maybe you'll have to cut down as you grow older, get along with just two fiancees, but... -You don't have any problem. You've got thirty good years ahead of you, easy. Maybe you'll have to cut down as you grow older, get along with just two fiancees, but... No, one thing I finally know for sure, I'll never function with a woman again. -That's really what I came here for. See what you guys recommend. Well, I'm sure my colleagues will agree there are a number of dependable measures for extinguishing the vital forces. -In the direction you want to go. You guys got any black capsules? -How much time do I have? Just about enough to say goodbye to everybody. Line up over here, men, if you want to pay your last respects. Keep moving and file on out when you're through. -Just about enough to say goodbye to everybody. Line up over here, men, if you want to pay your last respects. Keep moving and file on out when you're through. I wonder, if Red's fix swings it for me, what's heaven really like? -Morning Painless. How they goin'? Big day. Two jaws to rebuild. -Good morning, Captain Pierce and Captain Forrest. You can cut the bow. -You can cut the bow. I have not understood what you means. -I have not understood what you means. That. It's out of the act. -Officer all sleep now, yes? And I go wash clothes. Right, Ho-Jon. See you later. -Hi, Ho-Jon. How they goin'? Finest kind. Captain Forrests say you better haul ass home quick. We got new chest-cutter in our tent. -There ought to be a law against dentists reading. Matter of fact, I thought there was. Anyway, this is an obsession. He can't be persuaded out of it. He's comin' this-a-way! The jaw- breaker! -And if I go to New York, the natives there will carry me? I don't think so. I don't think so either. -Pain bad, Ho-Jon? I – wouldn't – wish – it – on – a – maneating – shark. -I'm Colonel Blake. You fellows just passing through? Nope, we're assigned heah. -The blonde dish. If you mean... She is a lieutenant in the Army Nursing Corps, Captain. -If you mean... She is a lieutenant in the Army Nursing Corps, Captain. Okay, Lieutenant Dish. I guess she's already... involved with somebody here. -Okay, Lieutenant Dish. I guess she's already... involved with somebody here. They've all tried. Nobody's got to first base. -You don't aim to cause any trouble – But? But we strongly suspect something will happen to screw up this splendid organization of yours if you don't get that sky pilot out of our tent. -But we strongly suspect something will happen to screw up this splendid organization of yours if you don't get that sky pilot out of our tent. Your tent? -We'll find out what they are when you throw us out. That's all the commitment you're offering me? Or do you have some more extravagant gesture of cooperation? -You work those kind of hours, you got to have rest. Which you can't get with somebody jabbering away on a direct line to heaven. Major Burns will be out of your tent in twenty-four hours. Tell them Captain Pierce and Captain Forrest are on their way. -About that chest-cutter... I'll try, d-d-dammit! You can't ask any more than that! -I'll try, d-d-dammit! You can't ask any more than that! We don't want any more than that. Right now. -Stop acting like a colonel, Henry. You know Trapper wouldn't sock him without a good reason. There's no reason good enough for one medical officer to strike another. -I should fire him because he got in the way of Trapper's fist? No. I've put up with a lot from you guys, but now I finally have to take disciplinary action. Christ. All of a sudden it's West Point. -First decent idea you've had in a month. Now I'll have to wait at least a week. If I announced it tomorrow, after what our new Chief Nurse saw this afternoon, they'd hear her yelling from Seoul to Washington. -Fifteenth straight day there've been six o'clock choppers. How long can a battle go on? You got to relax, Henry. Since the deluge started, you been working in the OR and running the outfit, too. -It's a nice idea. I mean it has style. It's the only way we can make enough to put Ho-Jon through Androscoggin. -What's going on? Who started this? You mean who hit who? -You mean who hit who? Yes, that's what I mean. -Yes, that's what I mean. I did. First and only blow. So far. -If you say so, Henry. But remember my claustrophobia. I deeply regret this unfortunate incident. We try to remember we're a military organization. -What's wrong with you? I don't know. I must have lost my punch. I didn't think the son-of-a- bitch would get up. -We got it, men... Ho-Jon's keep as Androscoggin... if there is such a place. And the big news is, the General wants a rematch. I'll tell you my news. I'm retiring from football. -O'Reilly! Yes, sir? -Yes, sir? Dammit, Radar, wait till I call you! Tell Major Burns... -Dammit, Radar, wait till I call you! Tell Major Burns... One of the surgeons from the day shift will have to stay on duty tonight? -One of the surgeons from the day shift will have to stay on duty tonight? Yes, dammit, and... -O'Reilly, what is it? There aren't more choppers coming? I'm afraid so, Colonel. -I'm afraid so, Colonel. We've got too many wounded for us to handle now! Get on the phone right away and... -We've got too many wounded for us to handle now! Get on the phone right away and... Yes, sir, I'll see if I can reach General Hammond in Seoul for you. You think he'll finally break down and give us two more surgeons? -Sir? Don't do that, Radar! You make me nervous. -Don't do that, Radar! You make me nervous. Sir? -Sir? Don't come so quickly when I call. I want you to take these officers... -Don't come so quickly when I call. I want you to take these officers... To Major Burns' tent. Yes, sir. -To Major Burns' tent. Yes, sir. Stop that, O'Rielly! -Stop that, O'Rielly! Sir? -Sir? Oh, get out of here! -Oh, get out of here! Yes, Colonel. -Good morning, Colonel. Morning, Radar. How were things? -Morning, Radar. How were things? Splendid, sir. No problems. -Splendid, sir. No problems. Morning, Captain. -Can you make out what they're talking about? I can try, sir. -Chopper coming in, Colonel. Two of them, I'm afraid. Damn. -Damn. And another one, but it's from the south. There. -If I can make a suggestion, Coach. The way I run an organization, any man in it has the right to speak his mind. -The way I run an organization, any man in it has the right to speak his mind. In that case, here are ten basic plays. I think that's about all this bunch can handle. -Thank you, Spearchucker. I'll certainly take a look at these. Where the hell did you ever get that name? I used to throw the javelin. -Those two big guys were tackles on the Cleveland Browns, and the redhead played halfback with the Rams. They can't do that to me! -Well, there's one big satisfaction. What's that, Henry? -What's that, Henry? I out-coached that General Hammond. -Morning, girls. Good morning Major. Good morning. -This one goes right to the OR. Tell Duke to do him ahead of the busted spleen. And this kid can't wait. I'll take him myself, before I get to that ruptured diaphragm. Captain... 'This kid' is a prisoner of war. -Captain... 'This kid' is a prisoner of war. Yeah? -Yeah? It's an American boy's rupture you're supposed to close. -It's an American boy's rupture you're supposed to close. Listen, we get a deluge like this, just deciding priorities on a medical basis is hard enough. So never mind the side issues. -Okay, I'm closing up. Everybody relax. May I have the surgeon's name, please? -Planes mostly. May take a crack at rickshaws. How does the direct approach work over here? I been out of action since I got over here five months ago. -What's the bastard really like? Colonel Merrill is a veteran of twenty- five years in the Regular Army, a soldier first and a doctor second. A member of several patriotic organizations, he believes it's America's God-given mission to maintain a foothold for freedom on the Asian mainland. -Colonel Merrill is a veteran of twenty- five years in the Regular Army, a soldier first and a doctor second. A member of several patriotic organizations, he believes it's America's God-given mission to maintain a foothold for freedom on the Asian mainland. That bad? But I guess you're right. We might as well see him. Got any caddie carts? -Never mind. The address of the N.E.P.H. and W. Why don't you meet me there when you're through golf for drinks and dinner and whatever strikes the fancy? -The address of the N.E.P.H. and W. Why don't you meet me there when you're through golf for drinks and dinner and whatever strikes the fancy? Mine's already been struck, and it doesn't have to be very fancy. -Soup? Rice? What are we doing, beginning all over again? No, we had a clear soup to start. This is a thick one and you ought to taste it. There's nothing like it back home. -No, we had a clear soup to start. This is a thick one and you ought to taste it. There's nothing like it back home. How can I taste it now? We've already had like twelve courses. -Can you guys take one minute to look at a kid for me? Now? -We don't have to see him. Call that halfassed Army hospital and tell them to be ready to put some lipiodol in this kid's esophagus and take X- rays. But it's ten-thirty at night. We can't get military personnel out for a civilian. A foreign civilian. -How is he? Nice. -Nice. Arterial silk. -Ease off on those tapes, and let's see how much it bleeds. How is he? Nice. -Nice. Boys, we're home free. -As long as there's a pile-up, we can do our bit to encourage his permanent withdrawal from the contest. It's a technique Ugly John and I worked out in case something like this came up. -You're a couple o' sticks shy in your column, Ann. A big, rich slob like D. B. Norton buys a paper—and forty heads are chopped off! -A big, rich slob like D. B. Norton buys a paper—and forty heads are chopped off! Did you get it, too? -Did you get it, too? Yeah. You, too? Oh, Joe . . . oh, I'm sorry darling . . . why don't we tear the building down! -Yeah. You, too? Oh, Joe . . . oh, I'm sorry darling . . . why don't we tear the building down! Before you do, Ann, perhaps you'd better finish this column. -Before you do, Ann, perhaps you'd better finish this column. Yeah. Lavender and old lace! -Er, would you, er, would you like to make some money? Yeah, maybe. -Would you be willing to say you wrote that letter—and stick by it? Oh, I get the idea. Yeah, maybe. -Huh? Are you all right? -Are you all right? Yeah, I'm all right. -Don't mind the Colonel. He hates people. He likes you well enough to stick around. -He likes you well enough to stick around. Oh, that's 'cause we both play doohickies. I met him in a box car a couple o' years ago. I was foolin' around with my harmonica and he comes over and joins in. I haven't been able to shake him since. -Action? Um-hum. -Here. Sit down! Quiet, egghead! All right, now, a serious expression. Can't. I'm feeling too good. -Can't. I'm feeling too good. Oh, come on, now. This is serious. You're a man disgusted with all of civilization. -Oh, come on, now. This is serious. You're a man disgusted with all of civilization. With all of it? -With all of it? Yes, you're sore at the world. Come on, now. -Yes, you're sore at the world. Come on, now. Oh, crabby guy, huh? -Yeah. No, no! No! No, look. You don't have to smell the world! Well, all those guys in the bleachers think— -Well, all those guys in the bleachers think— Never mind those guys. All right, stand up. Now let's see what you look like when you protest. -Never mind those guys. All right, stand up. Now let's see what you look like when you protest. Against what? -Against what? Against anything. Just protest. -Against anything. Just protest. You got me. -You got me. Oh, look. I'm the umpire, and you just cut the heart of the plate with your fast one and I call it a ball. What would you do? -Oh, look. I'm the umpire, and you just cut the heart of the plate with your fast one and I call it a ball. What would you do? Oh, yuh did, huh? -Oh, yuh did, huh? Yes! -Yes! Why can't you call right, you bone- headed, pig-eared, lop-eared, pot- bellied— -Why can't you call right, you bone- headed, pig-eared, lop-eared, pot- bellied— Grab it, Eddie, grab it! -Now, look, John. Here's the speech. It's in caps and double-spaced. You won't have any trouble reading it. Not nervous, are you? No. -No. Of course not. He wouldn't be. -Of course not. He wouldn't be. Who? -Who? John Doe. The one in there. -Who? John Doe, the one in the speech. -John Doe, the one in the speech. Oh. Yeah. -Oh. Yeah. You know something? I've actually fallen in love with him. -Say, he's a friend of mine. Never mind. Let him alone. He's all right. I'll be right over there pulling for you. -Hello, John. Hello. -Look, John. Something terribly important's happened. They're forming John Doe Clubs. We know of eight already and they say that there's going— John Doe Clubs? What for? -John Doe Clubs? What for? Uh-huh. To carry out the principles you talked about in your radio speech. -Uh-huh. To carry out the principles you talked about in your radio speech. I don't care what they're forming. I'm on my way and I don't like the idea of being stopped either. -I don't care what they're forming. I'm on my way and I don't like the idea of being stopped either. Oh, but you don't know how big this thing is. You should see the thousands of telegrams we've received and what they're saying about you. -Oh, but you don't know how big this thing is. You should see the thousands of telegrams we've received and what they're saying about you. Look, it started as a circulation stunt, didn't it? -Look, it started as a circulation stunt, didn't it? Uh-huh . . . -Uh-huh . . . Well, you got your circulation. Now, why don't you let me alone? -Well, you got your circulation. Now, why don't you let me alone? Oh, it started as a circulation stunt, but it isn't any more. Mr. Norton wants to get back of it and sponsor John Doe Clubs all over the country. He wants to send you on a lecture tour. -Oh, it started as a circulation stunt, but it isn't any more. Mr. Norton wants to get back of it and sponsor John Doe Clubs all over the country. He wants to send you on a lecture tour. Me? -Me? Uh-huh. -Can I help you pack? No, thank you. -Do you care if I sit down out here? No. -You know, I had a crazy dream last night. It was about you. About me? -About me? Sure was crazy. I dreamt I was your father. -Well, would you like to know who it was you were marrying? Well, a tall handsome Ubangi, I suppose. -Well, a tall handsome Ubangi, I suppose. No, not that bad. It was a fella that sends you flowers every day. Er, what's his name? Mr. Norton's nephew. -Ted Sheldon. Yeah, that's the one. -But here's the funniest part of it all. I was the fella up there doing the marrying. You know, the Justice of the Peace or something . . . You were? I thought you were chasing me? -You were? I thought you were chasing me? Well, yes, I was. But I was your father then, see? But the real me, John Doe, er, that is, Long John Willoughby, I was the fellow up there with the book. You know what I mean? -Well, yes, I was. But I was your father then, see? But the real me, John Doe, er, that is, Long John Willoughby, I was the fellow up there with the book. You know what I mean? I guess so. Then what happened? -I guess so. Then what happened? Well, I took you across my knee and I started spanking you. -How many people do you think we've talked to already, outside the radio, I mean? I don't know. About three hundred thousand. -I don't know. About three hundred thousand. Three hundred thousand? What makes them do it, Ann? What makes them come and listen and, and get up their John Doe Clubs the way they do? I've been trying to figure it out. -Three hundred thousand? What makes them do it, Ann? What makes them come and listen and, and get up their John Doe Clubs the way they do? I've been trying to figure it out. "Look, John—what we're handing them are platitudes. Things they've heard a million times: ""Love thy neighbor,"" ""Clouds have silver linings,"" ""Turn the other cheek."" It's just a—" -"Look, John—what we're handing them are platitudes. Things they've heard a million times: ""Love thy neighbor,"" ""Clouds have silver linings,"" ""Turn the other cheek."" It's just a—" Yeah, I've heard them a million times, too, but—there you are. Maybe they're like me. Just beginning to get an idea what those things mean. -Did you write this? Yes, I did, John. But I—I had no idea what was going on. -Yes, I did, John. But I—I had no idea what was going on. You didn't? -Go ahead, driver! Ball park! John, please let me go with you! Please, John! -. . . Er, this John Doe idea is yours, huh? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. How much money do you get? -How much money do you get? Thirty dollars. -Thirty dollars. Thirty dollars? Well, er, what are you after? I mean, what do you want? A journalistic career? -Thirty dollars? Well, er, what are you after? I mean, what do you want? A journalistic career? Money. -Money. Money? Well, I'm glad to hear somebody admit it. Do you suppose you could write a radio speech that would put that fellow over? -Money? Well, I'm glad to hear somebody admit it. Do you suppose you could write a radio speech that would put that fellow over? Oh, I'm sure I can. -Oh, I'm sure I can. Do it, and I'll give you a hundred dollars a week. -Do it, and I'll give you a hundred dollars a week. A hundred dollars! -A hundred dollars! That's only the beginning. You play your cards right and you'll never have to worry about money again. Oh, I knew it. -Hello. Whenever there's a pretty woman around, er— This is my nephew, Ted Sheldon, Miss Mitchell. How do you do. -Thank you very much for everything. And, Miss Mitchell—I think from now on you'd better work directly with me. -And, Miss Mitchell—I think from now on you'd better work directly with me. Yes, sir. -Better let me talk to him. All right, but present it to him as a great cause for the common man. -Oh, somebody else sitting there? No, no, no—that's your seat. -Oh! Oh, it's beautiful, D. B. Well—I don't quite know what to say . . . Well, don't say anything at all. Just sit down. -Oh! Go ahead, open it, open it. -Tomorrow night, before a crowd of fifteen thousand people, and talking over a nation-wide radio hook-up, John Doe will announce the formation of a third party. A third party? -A third party? Yes. The John Doe Party. -Devoted entirely to the interests of all the John Does all over the country. Which practically means, ninety per cent of the voters. He will also announce the third party's candidate for the presidency. A man whom he, personally, recommends. A great humanitarian; the best friend the John Does have. Mr. D. B. Norton! -Hello? John! I'm so glad to see you. I—I was terribly worried. -Hello there. Well, well! If it isn't the man about town! All set, Ann? -All set, Ann? Huh? Oh, yes. Let's go. Now, let's see. We want some action in these pictures. -That's good. No, no, no. This man's going to jump off a roof. -No, no, no. This man's going to jump off a roof. Oh. -Oh. Here. Wait a minute. Let me comb your hair. Sit down. There. That's better. -Stick a fork through me! I'm done. I'll never get this speech right. Oh, yes you will, Ann dear . . . you're very clever. -Oh, yes you will, Ann dear . . . you're very clever. Yeah, I know. What are you looking for? -Yeah, I know. What are you looking for? Your purse. I need ten dollars. -Your purse. I need ten dollars. What for? I gave you fifty just the other day. -What for? I gave you fifty just the other day. Yes, I know, dear, but Mrs. Burke had her baby yesterday. Nine pounds! And there wasn't a thing in the house—and then this morning the Community Chest lady came around and— -Yes, I know, dear, but Mrs. Burke had her baby yesterday. Nine pounds! And there wasn't a thing in the house—and then this morning the Community Chest lady came around and— And the fifty's all gone, huh? Who's the ten for? -And the fifty's all gone, huh? Who's the ten for? The Websters. -The Websters. The Websters! -The Websters! You remember those lovely people your father used to take care of? I thought I'd buy them some groceries. Oh, Ann, dear, it's a shame, those poor— -You remember those lovely people your father used to take care of? I thought I'd buy them some groceries. Oh, Ann, dear, it's a shame, those poor— You're marvelous, Ma. You're just like Father used to be. Do you realize a couple of weeks ago we didn't have enough to eat ourselves? -You're marvelous, Ma. You're just like Father used to be. Do you realize a couple of weeks ago we didn't have enough to eat ourselves? Well, yes, I know, dear, but these people are in such need and we have plenty now. -Well, yes, I know, dear, but these people are in such need and we have plenty now. If you're thinking of that thousand dollars, forget it. It's practically gone. We owed everybody in town. Now, you've just gotta stop giving all your money away. -Oh, I'm sorry, Ma. Oh, don't pay any attention to me. I guess I'm just upset about all this. Gee whiz, here I am with a great opportunity to get somewhere, to give us security for once in our lives, and I'm stuck. If I could put this over, your Mrs. Burke can have six babies! Do you mean the speech you're writing? -Do you mean the speech you're writing? Yeah, I don't know. I simply can't get it to jell! I created somebody who's gonna give up his life for a principle, hundreds of thousands of people are gonna listen to him over the radio and, unless he says something that's, well, that's sensational, it's just no good! -Yeah, I don't know. I simply can't get it to jell! I created somebody who's gonna give up his life for a principle, hundreds of thousands of people are gonna listen to him over the radio and, unless he says something that's, well, that's sensational, it's just no good! Well, honey, of course I don't know what kind of a speech you're trying to write, but judging from the samples I've read, I don't think anybody'll listen. -Well, honey, of course I don't know what kind of a speech you're trying to write, but judging from the samples I've read, I don't think anybody'll listen. What? -What? Darling, there are so many complaining political speeches. People are tired of hearing nothing but doom and despair on the radio. If you're going to have him say anything, why don't you let him say something simple and real, something with hope in it? If your father were alive, he'd know what to say. -Darling, there are so many complaining political speeches. People are tired of hearing nothing but doom and despair on the radio. If you're going to have him say anything, why don't you let him say something simple and real, something with hope in it? If your father were alive, he'd know what to say. Oh, yes, Father certainly would. -Oh, yes, Father certainly would. Wait a minute . . . -Wait a minute . . . Huh? -That's your father's diary, Ann. Father's . . . I never knew he had a diary. -Father's . . . I never knew he had a diary. There's enough in it for a hundred speeches, things people ought to hear nowadays. You be careful of it, won't you dear? It's always helped keep your father alive for me. -There's enough in it for a hundred speeches, things people ought to hear nowadays. You be careful of it, won't you dear? It's always helped keep your father alive for me. You bet I will, Ma. -Yeh, D. B. Oh, just cleaning out the dead-wood. Okay. Look, Mr. Connell . . . I just can't afford to be without work right now, not even for a day. I've got a mother and two kid sisters to . . . -I'll tell you what I'll do. I get thirty dollars a week. I'll take twenty-five, twenty if necessary. I'll do anything you say. It isn't the money. We're after circulation. What we need is fireworks. People who can hit with sledge hammers—start arguments. -It isn't the money. We're after circulation. What we need is fireworks. People who can hit with sledge hammers—start arguments. Oh, I can do that. I know this town inside out. Oh, give me a chance, please. -No. I've had the whole army and navy searching for you because that's a game we play here every day. I remember, distinctly, being fired. -I remember, distinctly, being fired. That's right. But you have a piece of property that still belongs to this newspaper. And I'd like to have it! -That's right. But you have a piece of property that still belongs to this newspaper. And I'd like to have it! What's that? -What's that? The letter. -The letter. What letter? -What letter? The letter from John Doe. -The letter from John Doe. Oh! -Oh! The whole town's in an uproar. We've got to find him. The letter's our only clue. -The whole town's in an uproar. We've got to find him. The letter's our only clue. There is no letter. -There is no letter. We'll get a handwriting expert to— What! -We'll get a handwriting expert to— What! There is no letter. -Say that again. There is no letter. I made it up. -You made it up. Uh-huh. You said you wanted fireworks. -Well, the whole town's curious about John Doe and, boom, just like that you're going to bury him. There's enough circulation in that man to start a shortage in the ink market! In what man! -In what man! John Doe. -John Doe. What John Doe? -What John Doe? Our John Doe! The one I made up! Look, genius— Now, look. Suppose there was a John Doe—and he walked into this office. What would you do? Find him a job and forget about the whole business, I suppose! Not me! I'd have made a deal with him! -Our John Doe! The one I made up! Look, genius— Now, look. Suppose there was a John Doe—and he walked into this office. What would you do? Find him a job and forget about the whole business, I suppose! Not me! I'd have made a deal with him! A deal? -A deal? Sure! When you get hold of a stunt that sells papers you don't drop it like a hot potato. Why, this is good for at least a couple of months. You know what I'd do? Between now and let's say, Christmas, when he's gonna jump, I'd run a daily yarn starting with his boyhood, his schooling, his first job! A wide-eyed youngster facing a chaotic world. The problem of the average man, of all the John Does in the world. -Now, then comes the drama. He meets discouragement. He finds the world has feet of clay. His ideals crumble. So what does he do? He decides to commit suicide in protest against the state of civilization. He thinks of the river! But no, no, he has a better idea. The City Hall. Why? Because he wants to attract attention. He wants to get a few things off his chest, and that's the only way he can get himself heard. So? -Very pretty. Very pretty, indeed, Miss Mitchell. But would you mind telling me who goes on Christmas Eve? John Doe. -John Doe. What John Doe? -What John Doe? The one we hire for the job, you lunkhead! -Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Lemme get this through this lame brain of mine. Are you suggesting we go out and hire someone to say he's gonna commit suicide on Christmas Eve? Is that it? Well, you're catching on. -Well, you're catching on. Who, for instance? -Who, for instance? Anybody! Er, er—Beany'll do! -You're supposed to be a smart guy! If it was raining hundred dollar bills, you'd be out looking for a dime you lost some place. Holy smokes! Wasting my time listening to this mad woman. -That's fine! That's fine! Now fall right into their laps. Go ahead. Say John Doe walked in and called the whole thing off. You know what that's going to sound like on top of this! That's all, Ned. Thank you. -Okay, sister, you get your job back. Plus a bonus. -Plus a bonus. What bonus? -I can read. I can read! Sorry. -So you think this is worth a thousand dollars, do you? Oh, the Chronicle would consider it dirt cheap. -Oh, the Chronicle would consider it dirt cheap. Packs everything, including a gun. Okay, sister, you've got yourself a deal. Now let's take a look at the candidates. The one we pick has gotta be the typical average man. Typical American that can keep his mouth shut. -Looks all right— He's perfect! A baseball player. What could be more American! -He's perfect! A baseball player. What could be more American! I wish he had a family, though. -That's our man. He's made to order. I don't know. He don't seem like a guy that'd fall into line. -I don't know. He don't seem like a guy that'd fall into line. When you're desperate for money, you do a lot of things, Mr. Connell. He's our man, I tell you. -Hurry up, Pop. Oh. -Oh. Right here. Sit down. -All right, boys, here he is. No, no, no! You can't take pictures of him like that—eating a sandwich—and with a beard! -But, he's gonna jump off a building! Yes, but not because he's out of a job. That's not news! This man's going to jump as a matter of principle. -Yes, but not because he's out of a job. That's not news! This man's going to jump as a matter of principle. Well, maybe you're right. -Well, maybe you're right. We'll clean him up and put him in a hotel room—under bodyguards. We'll make a mystery out of him. Did you speak to Mr. Norton? -We'll clean him up and put him in a hotel room—under bodyguards. We'll make a mystery out of him. Did you speak to Mr. Norton? Thinks it's terrific. Says for us to go the limit. Wants us to build a bonfire under every big shot in the state. -Thinks it's terrific. Says for us to go the limit. Wants us to build a bonfire under every big shot in the state. Oh, swell! Is that the contract? -Oh, swell! Is that the contract? Yes. What's he doing here? -Yes. What's he doing here? Friend of his. They play duets together. -Friend of his. They play duets together. Duets? But can we trust him? -Duets? But can we trust him? Oh! -Well, okay. But we don't want more than a couple o' hundred people in on this thing. Now the first thing I want is an exact copy of the John Doe letter in your own handwriting. I got it all ready. Here. -I got it all ready. Here. Well, that's fine. Now I want you to sign this agreement. It gives us an exclusive story under your name day by day from now until Christmas. On December twenty-sixth, you get one railroad ticket out of town, and the Bulletin agrees to pay to have your arm fixed. That's what you want, isn't it? -Okay, fellows. Take it easy, John Doe. -And you! Start pounding that typewriter. Oh, boy! This is terrific! No responsibilities on our part. Just statements from John Doe and we can blast our heads off. Before you pop too many buttons, don't forget to make out that check for a thousand. -Before you pop too many buttons, don't forget to make out that check for a thousand. Awwwww! -Yeah, but it's got everybody sore. Ads are being pulled—the Governor's starting a libel suit—what's more, they all know John Doe's a phoney—and they insist on seeing him. Well, what about it? Let them see him! We'll go them one better. They can also hear him. You own a radio station, Mr. Norton. Why not put him on the air? -Look. We can't let 'em get to this bush-league pitcher and start pumping him. Good night! No telling what that screwball might do. I walked in yesterday—here he is, standing on a table with a fishing pole flycasting. Take my advice and get him out of town before this thing explodes in our faces! If you do, Mr. Norton, you're just as much of a dumb cluck as he is! Excuse me. -If you do, Mr. Norton, you're just as much of a dumb cluck as he is! Excuse me. No, you've got yourself a meal ticket and you hate to let go. -No, you've got yourself a meal ticket and you hate to let go. Sure, it's a meal ticket for me. I admit it, but it's also a windfall for somebody like Mr. Norton who's trying to crash national politics. That's what you bought the newspaper for, isn't it? You wanta reach a lotta people, don't you? Well, put John Doe on the air and you can reach a hundred and fifty million of 'em. He can say anything he wants and they'll listen to him. -What's the idea? No, no, no. Now that's too much! -Listen. If that guy lays an egg. I want to get something out of it. I'm getting a Jane Doe ready! That's fine, honey. Now, get out! -Now listen, Ann—he can't possibly get in without our seeing him. I'm watching the side door and the Colonel's out front, so stop worrying. Thank you. -How many is that, six? Pretty hungry, weren't you? Say, all this John Doe business is batty, if yuh ask me. -Say, all this John Doe business is batty, if yuh ask me. Well, nobody asked yuh. -Well, nobody asked yuh. Trying to improve the world by jumping off buildings. You couldn't improve the world if the building jumped on you! -Oh, stop worrying. He's all right. That's— -Colonel! You shouldn't have gotten out of bed, Miss. -You shouldn't have gotten out of bed, Miss. Has he been here? -Has he been here? No. -No. Have you seen him? -Have you seen him? I ain't seen him for a week. -I ain't seen him for a week. Where's Connell? -Where's Connell? He's watching the other door. -He's watching the other door. Oh. Gee, you're swell! Oh. -No sense in going up there! I been here for hours. He ain't here! Oh, let me go, will you! -Oh, let me go, will you! Now, that's crazy. It's fourteen floors! -Had any schooling? Yeah, a little. -Yeah, a little. What do you do when you work? -What do you do when you work? I used to pitch. -I used to pitch. Baseball? -Baseball? Uh-huh. Till my wing[4] went bad. -Uh-huh. Till my wing[4] went bad. Where'd you play? -Where'd you play? Bush leagues mostly.[5] Med. shot: To include the rest of them. They have their eyes glued on his face. ANN is very much interested. -I went up to Miss Mitchell's house, boss. Boy, she's in a bad way. Where is she? -Where is she? Hey, do you know something? She supports a mother and two kids. What do you know about that? -Hey, do you know something? She supports a mother and two kids. What do you know about that? Did you find her? -Did you find her? No. Her mother's awful worried about her. When she left the house she said she was going on a roaring drunk. Er, the girl, I mean! -No. Her mother's awful worried about her. When she left the house she said she was going on a roaring drunk. Er, the girl, I mean! Go out and find her! -Go out and find her! Sure. Hey, but the biggest thing I didn't tell you . . . -Hello! . . . Yeh? Her old man was Doc Mitchell. You know, the doc that saved my mother's life and wouldn't take any money for it? You remember that? Okay, boss, I'll go and look for her. -just called the morgue, boss. They say there's a girl there— Shut up! -Ann! Say, why didn't yuh— Beany! -Hey, boss. Get a load of this. What? -What? Look! -What do they want? They all say they wrote the John Doe letter. -Yeah, Boss? Take charge of him. Get him a suite at the Imperial and hire some bodyguards. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Both of 'em? -Both of 'em? Yes, both of 'em! But don't let him out of your sight. -Hey, Boss. Oh, quiet, quiet, quiet. Say, tell me something did you read that speech you're gonna make tonight? -Gee whiz, Boss, you know Mr. Norton told me not to leave him, not even for a minute. Go on, go on, go on. And we'll be at Jim's Bar up the street. -Hey, wait a minute, Mr. Doe! . . . Tubby? -Help yourself. Naw. -I've seen guys like you go under before. Guys that never had a worry. Then they got ahold of some dough and went goofy. The first thing that happens to a guy— Hey, did yuh get a load of the bedroom? -Hey, whatsa matter with a bank account, anyway? And let me tell you, Long John. When you become a guy with a bank account, they got you. Yes sir, they got you! -And let me tell you, Long John. When you become a guy with a bank account, they got you. Yes sir, they got you! Who's got him? -Who's got him? The heelots! -The heelots! Who? -And when they get you, you got no more chance than a road-rabbit. Hey. Who'd you say was gonna get him? -Hey, Doc, look. Look, Doc. Gimme that again, will yuh? Who's gonna get him? The heelots! -The heelots! Who are they? -Listen, sucker, yuh ever been broke? Sure. Mostly often. -Sure. Mostly often. All right. You're walking along—not a nickel in your jeans—free as the wind—nobody bothers you—hundreds of people pass yuh by in every line of business—shoes, hats, automobiles, radio, furniture, everything. They're all nice, lovable people, and they let you alone. Is that right? -Ba-ll! I don't know how you're gonna stand it around here till after Christmas. -St-rike! I know why you're hangin' around—you're stuck on a girl—that's all a guy needs is to get hooked up with a woman. -Holy smoke! A half a heelot! There you are, Boss, just like you ordered. Symbols of the little people. -Well, I'll be doggoned if over forty people don't show up. 'Course none of us knew what to do, but we sure got a kick out of seeing how glad everybody was just to say hello to one another. Tell him about making Sourpuss chairman, honey. -Tell him about making Sourpuss chairman, honey. Oh, yeah. We made Sourpuss chairman and decided to call ourselves The John Doe Club. And, say, incidentally, this is my wife. Come here, honey. -Grubbel's here. See? "Yeah. That's—that's him. Of course, you don't know Grubbel, but he's the man that everybody figured was the worst no-account in the neighborhood because he was living like a hermit and nobody'd have anything to do with him. Er, that is until Murphy, the postman told us the truth. ""Why, Grubbel,"" he says, ""he lives out of garbage cans because he won't take charity. Because it'd ruin his self-respect,"" he says." -"Yeah. That's—that's him. Of course, you don't know Grubbel, but he's the man that everybody figured was the worst no-account in the neighborhood because he was living like a hermit and nobody'd have anything to do with him. Er, that is until Murphy, the postman told us the truth. ""Why, Grubbel,"" he says, ""he lives out of garbage cans because he won't take charity. Because it'd ruin his self-respect,"" he says." Just like you said on the radio, Mr. Doe. -You don't have to—Why, we're with you, Mr. Doe. We just lost our heads and acted like a mob. Why, we . . . What Bert's trying to say is—well—we need you, Mr. Doe. There were a lot of us didn't believe what that man said. -This is Sourpuss. Er, excuse me. Er, Mr. Smithers, Mr. Doe. Th—that's all right. If you didn't call me Sourpuss, it wouldn't feel natural. There are snickers from the background. -Th—that's all right. If you didn't call me Sourpuss, it wouldn't feel natural. There are snickers from the background. "Well, anyway, I—I guess nearly everybody in the neighborhood came, except the DeLaneys. The Delaneys live in a big house with an iron fence around it and they always keep their blinds drawn, and we always figured that he was just an old miser that sat back counting his money, so why bother about inviting him? Until Grimes, the milkman spoke up and he said, ""Say, you've got the Delaneys all wrong."" And then he tells us about how they cancelled their milk last week, and how, when he found a note in the bottle he got kinda curious like and he sorta peeked in under the blinds and found the house empty. ""If you ask me,"" he says, ""they're starving.""" -"Well, anyway, I—I guess nearly everybody in the neighborhood came, except the DeLaneys. The Delaneys live in a big house with an iron fence around it and they always keep their blinds drawn, and we always figured that he was just an old miser that sat back counting his money, so why bother about inviting him? Until Grimes, the milkman spoke up and he said, ""Say, you've got the Delaneys all wrong."" And then he tells us about how they cancelled their milk last week, and how, when he found a note in the bottle he got kinda curious like and he sorta peeked in under the blinds and found the house empty. ""If you ask me,"" he says, ""they're starving.""" Old man Delaney has been bringing his furniture over to my place at night, one piece at a time, and selling it. -And then we started to find out about a lot of other people. Yeah, sure. Er, you know Grubbel, for instance. -Well, sir, about a dozen families got together and gave Grubbel a job watering their lawns. Isn't that wonderful? And then we found jobs for six other people and they've all gone off relief! Yeh. Er, and my boss, Mr. Schwabacker made a job in his warehouse for old man Delaney— -No! Well, thank you for listening. Goodbye, Mr. Doe. You're a wonderful man and it strikes me you can be mighty useful walking around for a while. -How could he be a fake? It must be some kind of a gag. -It must be some kind of a gag. A what? -A what? A gag. A gag! -It makes no difference, Bert—the ideas's still good. We don't have to give up our club. Yeah? Well, you can have it! -That man is gonna be on that roof. Don't ask me how I know. I just know. And you know it as well as I do. Sure, sure. I'd like to believe in fairy tales, but a guy that's fake isn't gonna jump off any roof. -Hey, pretty nifty, huh? You ain't gonna get me to stay here. -You ain't gonna get me to stay here. Sure, you are. -Sure, you are. No, sir. That spot under the bridge where we slept last night's good enough for me. -Gimme mine. I ain't staying! You know we were headed for the Columbia River country before all this John Doe business came up. You remember that, don't yuh? Sure. I remember . . . Say, did your ears pop coming up in the elevator? Mine did. -Sure. I remember . . . Say, did your ears pop coming up in the elevator? Mine did. Aw, Long John . . . I tell you—it's no good. You're gonna get used to a lotta stuff that's gonna wreck you. Why, that fifty bucks in your pocket's beginning to show up on you already. And don't pull that on me neither! -Aw, Long John . . . I tell you—it's no good. You're gonna get used to a lotta stuff that's gonna wreck you. Why, that fifty bucks in your pocket's beginning to show up on you already. And don't pull that on me neither! Stop worrying, Colonel. I'm gonna get my arm fixed out of this. -Hey, stop worrying, Colonel. Fifty bucks ain't going to ruin me. I seen plenty of fellers start out with fifty bucks and wind up with a bank account! -You win, Colonel. Here's the fifty. Go on out and get rid of it. You bet I will! As fast as I can! Gonna get some canned goods—a fishing rod, and the rest I'm gonna give away. -I gotta figure some way out of this thing! The elevators are still runnin'. -Yeah, she's a heelot just like the rest of them. It's lucky you got away from her. What was I doin' up there makin' a speech, anyway? Me? Huh? Gee, the more I think about it the more I could . . . -What was I doin' up there makin' a speech, anyway? Me? Huh? Gee, the more I think about it the more I could . . . Tear down all the fences. Why, if you tore one picket off of your neighbor's fence he'd sue you! -Tear down all the fences. Why, if you tore one picket off of your neighbor's fence he'd sue you! Five thousand bucks! I had it right in my hand! -Jitterbugs.[9] Close shot: JOHN and the COLONEL. Yeh. Say, how much money we got left? -Yeh. Say, how much money we got left? Four bits. -Four bits. Better make it doughnuts, huh? -Better make it doughnuts, huh? Yeh. -Join the John Doe Club. John Doe Club? -I trust him. Oh, you trust him, eh? Well, that's fine. I suppose he trusts you, too? -Yeah, but it's got to be by Bone- Setter Brown. Okay, Bone-Setter Brown goes. Here, sign it. Meanwhile, here's fifty dollars for spending money. That's fine. Beany! -Hello, Mr. Connell. Hiyah, John. John, I want to have a little talk with you. What's the matter—are you falling? Come here. -No, I never read the speeches before I make them. I get more of a kick out of it that way. Uh-huh. That's exactly what I thought. Beany, go on down to the office, tell Pop to give you the speech. There's a copy on my desk. -Now, that's all right, isn't it? You betcha. -I get mad for a lot of other guys besides myself—I get mad for a guy named Washington! And a guy named Jefferson—and Lincoln. Lighthouses, John! Lighthouses in a foggy world! You know what I mean? Yeah, you bet! -Listen, pal—this fifth column stuff's pretty rotten, isn't it?[11] Yeah. It certainly is. -Yeah. It certainly is. And you'd feel like an awful sucker if you found yourself marching right in the middle of it, wouldn't you? -You must be wrong, Mr. Connell, 'cause he's been marvelous about the John Doe Clubs. Yeah? Say, you're sold on the John Doe idea, aren't you? -Yeah? Say, you're sold on the John Doe idea, aren't you? Sure. -Sure. Sure. I don't blame you. So am I. -All right! Now, supposing a certain unmentionable worm, whose initials are D. B., was trying to use that to shove his way into the White House. So he could put the screws on, so he could turn out the lights in those lighthouses. What would you say about that? Huh? Nobody's gonna do that, Mr. Connell. They can't use the John Doe Clubs for politics. That's the main idea. -Nobody's gonna do that, Mr. Connell. They can't use the John Doe Clubs for politics. That's the main idea. Is that so? Then what's a big political boss like Hammett doing in town? And a labor leader like Bennett? And a lot of other big shots who are up at D. B.'s house right now? Wolves, John, wolves waiting to cut up the John Does! Wait till you get a gander at that speech you're gonna make tonight! -Is that so? Then what's a big political boss like Hammett doing in town? And a labor leader like Bennett? And a lot of other big shots who are up at D. B.'s house right now? Wolves, John, wolves waiting to cut up the John Does! Wait till you get a gander at that speech you're gonna make tonight! You're all wet. Miss Mitchell writes those speeches and nobody can make her write that kind of stuff. -You're all wet. Miss Mitchell writes those speeches and nobody can make her write that kind of stuff. They can't, huh? Who do you think writes 'em? My Aunt Emma? I know she writes them. -Don't write 'em? Why, that gold- grabbin' dame would double-cross her own mother for a handful of Chinese yen! Shut up! If you weren't drunk I'd— -Go down to the office and arrange for some radio time. Why, D. B., you're not going to fall for— -Why, D. B., you're not going to fall for— I want it as soon as possible. -I want it as soon as possible. Okay. I just came in to get warm, myself. Come on, let's go. -Well, I don't get it. Huh? Get what? -Huh? Get what? Look, D. B. I'm supposed to know my way around. This John Doe movement costs you a fortune. This convention's gonna cost plenty. -Look, D. B. I'm supposed to know my way around. This John Doe movement costs you a fortune. This convention's gonna cost plenty. Well? -Well? Well, I'm stuck with two and two—but I'm a sucker if I can make four out of it. Where do you come in? -Well, I'm stuck with two and two—but I'm a sucker if I can make four out of it. Where do you come in? Why—uh— -I see. I'd better stick to running the paper, huh? I think maybe you'd better. And Connell—I'd like to have the John Doe contract, all the receipts for the money we have advanced him and the letter Miss Mitchell wrote, for which I gave her a thousand dollars. -I think maybe you'd better. And Connell—I'd like to have the John Doe contract, all the receipts for the money we have advanced him and the letter Miss Mitchell wrote, for which I gave her a thousand dollars. Yes. Sure. -Only one thing to do, Hank. Drop the whole business quickly. How? -How? Run a story. Say John Doe was in here, and is sorry he wrote the letter and— -Run a story. Say John Doe was in here, and is sorry he wrote the letter and— "That's right. You got it! Sure! He came in here and I made him change his mind. ""Bulletin editor saves John Doe's life."" Why, it's perfect. I'll have Ned write it up. Oh, Ned!" -Miss Mitchell, do me a favor, will you? Go on out and get married and have a lot o' babies—but stay out o' newspaper business! Better get that story in, Hank, it's getting late. -If you ask me, Hank, you're playing around with dynamite. No, no, no, the gal's right. We can't let the Chronicle get the laugh on us! We've got to produce a John Doe now. Amateur journalism, huh! I'll show those guys. -Show me an American who can keep his mouth shut and—I'll eat him. Okay, Beany, bring 'em in one at a time. Wipe to: Montage: Half a dozen different types of hoboes appear—and in each instance ANN shakes her head, negatively. -Did you write that letter to Miss Mitchell? No, I didn't. -What are you doing up here then? Well, the paper said there were some jobs around loose. Thought there might be one left over. -How about family? Got any family? No. -No. Oh, just traveling through, huh? -Oh, just traveling through, huh? Yeah. Me and a friend of mine. He's outside. -What's your name? Willoughby. John Willoughby, Long John Willoughby they called me in baseball. -Look, Mr. Norton, I think you've got a lot of nerve having those people hold us here. There's nobody holding you here, Mr. Doe. It's only natural that people— -There's nobody holding you here, Mr. Doe. It's only natural that people— Well, if there's nobody holding us here, let's get going. Incidentally, my name isn't Doe. It's Willoughby. -Why, certainly. With your ability to influence people, it might grow into a glorious movement. Say, let's get something straight here. I don't want any part of this thing. If you've got an idea I'm going around lecturing to people, why you're crazy! Baseball's my racket, and I'm sticking to it. Come on, Colonel, let's get out of here. -Is there anything wrong? Oh, no. Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine! So there's gonna be a new order of things, huh? Everybody's gonna cut himself a nice, fat slice of the John Does, eh? You forgot one detail, Mr. Big Shot—you forgot me, the prize stooge of the world. Why, if you or anybody else thinks he's gonna use the John Doe clubs for his own rotten purpose, he's gonna have to do it over my dead body! -Oh, no. Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine! So there's gonna be a new order of things, huh? Everybody's gonna cut himself a nice, fat slice of the John Does, eh? You forgot one detail, Mr. Big Shot—you forgot me, the prize stooge of the world. Why, if you or anybody else thinks he's gonna use the John Doe clubs for his own rotten purpose, he's gonna have to do it over my dead body! Now, hold on a minute, young man! Hold on! That's rather big talk! I started the John Doe clubs with my money and I'll decide whether or not they're being properly used! -Now, hold on a minute, young man! Hold on! That's rather big talk! I started the John Doe clubs with my money and I'll decide whether or not they're being properly used! No you won't! You're through deciding anything! -That's a lie! It's not a lie! Nickels and dimes! To stuff into their own pockets! You can read all about it in the newspapers there! -It's not a lie! Nickels and dimes! To stuff into their own pockets! You can read all about it in the newspapers there! That's a lie! Listen—don't believe what he says . . . -That's a lie! Listen—don't believe what he says . . . Let go of me! This man had no intention of jumping off of the top of a building! He was paid to say so! Do you deny that? -Let go of me! This man had no intention of jumping off of the top of a building! He was paid to say so! Do you deny that? That's got nothing to do with it! -That's got nothing to do with it! Were you paid for it—or weren't you? -Were you paid for it—or weren't you? Yes! I was paid! But the— -Yes! I was paid! But the— And what about the suicide note? You didn't write that, either! -And what about the suicide note? You didn't write that, either! What difference does that make? -What difference does that make? Did you write it—or didn't you? -Did you write it—or didn't you? No, I didn't write it, but— -No, I didn't write it, but— Ah, you bet your life you didn't! You look in your papers, ladies and gentlemen, and you'll find Miss Mitchell's signed confession that she was the one that wrote it! -Ah, you bet your life you didn't! You look in your papers, ladies and gentlemen, and you'll find Miss Mitchell's signed confession that she was the one that wrote it! Listen, folks, it's a fact that I didn't write the letter, but this whole thing started— -Listen, folks, it's a fact that I didn't write the letter, but this whole thing started— There! You see? He admits it! You're a fake, John Doe! And for what you've done to all these good people—they ought to run you out of the country—and I hope they do it! -It's good to see you. Sit down. Thanks. -It's for Ann . . . Oh, how nice! Thank you very much. -Oh, how nice! Thank you very much. Flowers. -Flowers. I'm terribly sorry she isn't here. -I'm terribly sorry she isn't here. She isn't? -She isn't? No, she just left. I'm surprised you didn't run into her. She went over to Mr. Norton's house. -No, she just left. I'm surprised you didn't run into her. She went over to Mr. Norton's house. Oh! -Oh! Did you want to see her about something important? -Did you want to see her about something important? Yeah. I, uh, well . . . No. It'll wait. Say, he's a nice man, isn't he? Mr. Norton, I mean. He's, er, he's done an awful lot for the— -Well, I guess I'll see her at the convention later. Yes, of course. I'll see that she gets the flowers. -Thanks. Good night, Mrs. Mitchell. Good night, John. -Oh, yeah. That's what I mean. See? It was easy as all that, huh? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, but look, Mrs. Mitchell, you know I love Ann and it's gonna be awfully hard for me to say it because, well, you know, she's so wonderful, and, well, the best I ever was was a bush-league pitcher. -I bet you he'd know how to say it all right. And me, I get up to it and around it and in back of it, but, but I never get right to it. Do you know what I mean? So the only chance I've got is, well, if somebody could kinda give her a warning sort of, sorta prepare her for the shock! You mean you'd like me to do it, huh? -You mean you'd like me to do it, huh? Well, I was thinking that—Yeah, you know, sort of break the ice. -Pretty good? Say, I was just about ready for the major leagues when I chipped a bone in my elbow. I got it pitchin' a nineteen-inning game! Nineteen! -Nineteen! Yep. There was a major league scout there watching me, too. And he came down after the game with a contract. Do you know what? I couldn't life my arm to sign it. But I'll be okay again as soon as I get it fixed up. -Yep. There was a major league scout there watching me, too. And he came down after the game with a contract. Do you know what? I couldn't life my arm to sign it. But I'll be okay again as soon as I get it fixed up. That's too bad. -That's too bad. What do you mean, too bad? -What do you mean, too bad? Huh? Oh, that you'll never be able to play again. -Huh? Oh, that you'll never be able to play again. Well, what are you talking about? I just told you I was gonna get a— -Well, what are you talking about? I just told you I was gonna get a— Well, you know how they are in baseball—if a guy's mixed up in a racket— -Well, you know how they are in baseball—if a guy's mixed up in a racket— Racket? What do you mean? -Racket? What do you mean? Well, I was just thinking about this John Doe business. Why, as soon as it comes out it's all a fake, you'll be washed up in baseball, won't you? -Well, I was just thinking about this John Doe business. Why, as soon as it comes out it's all a fake, you'll be washed up in baseball, won't you? Y-yeah. Gee, doggone it, I never thought about that. Gosh! -Y-yeah. Gee, doggone it, I never thought about that. Gosh! And another thing, what about all the kids in the country, the kids that idolize ball players? What are they gonna think about you? Close shot: Of the COLONEL. He has dropped his glove—flopped into a chair—and has taken out his ocarina. -I know one way you can do it. How? -How? Well, when you get up on the radio, all you have to do is say the whole thing's a frame-up. Make you a hero sure as you're born! -Yeah, but how am I gonna get my arm fixed? Well, that's a cinch. I know somebody that'll give you five thousand dollars just to get up on the radio and tell the truth. -Say, who's putting up this dough? Feller runs the Chronicle . Here's the speech you make—and it's all written out for you. -Have you got the speech I gave you? Yeah. -Yeah. Now, look. I'll give this money to the Colonel just as soon as you get started. We'll have a car waiting at the side entrance for you. -Now, look. I'll give this money to the Colonel just as soon as you get started. We'll have a car waiting at the side entrance for you. Okay. -Spencer of the Chronicle . Hold him. Yes, Mrs. Brewster, I'm listening. -Yes, Spencer. Who? The Governor? Well, what about me? it's my building he's jumping off of! And I'm up for re-election, too! Shh! -Shh! What are you doing? Get Connell at the Bulletin ! Why, he's liable to go right past my window, What was that?! -What are you doing? Get Connell at the Bulletin ! Why, he's liable to go right past my window, What was that?! What? -What? Out the window! Something just flew by! -Out the window! Something just flew by! I didn't see anything. -I didn't see anything. Well, don't stand there, you idiot. Go and look. Open the window. Oh, why did he have to pick on my building? -Is there a crowd in the street? No, sir. -No, sir. Then he may be caught on a ledge! Look again! -Then he may be caught on a ledge! Look again! I think it must have been a sea- gull. -I think it must have been a sea- gull. A sea-gull? What's a sea-gull doing around the city hall? That's a bad omen, isn't it? -A sea-gull? What's a sea-gull doing around the city hall? That's a bad omen, isn't it? Oh, n-no, sir. The sea-gull is a lovely bird. -Oh, n-no, sir. The sea-gull is a lovely bird. I-it's all right, Mrs. Brewster. It was just a sea-gull. Er. nothing's happened yet! No, I'm watching. Don't worry. Ju-just leave it all to me! -Hello, guys. Hello, Roper. Glad you could join us. -They're not usually graduate students. SWAT wants to go in. -SWAT wants to go in. What's the rush? They haven't killed anybody yet this week? -No -- you can't do that. You got 7 hostages in there, 1 of them's wounded -- We don't know how bad it is -- The guy ripped the phone out -- SWAT said he's got a gun to the head of a female hostage. If SWAT makes entry now, you're gonna lose 1 hostage, maybe 2. I gotta go in. Maybe I can see what's going on in there. -You got 7 hostages in there, 1 of them's wounded -- We don't know how bad it is -- The guy ripped the phone out -- SWAT said he's got a gun to the head of a female hostage. If SWAT makes entry now, you're gonna lose 1 hostage, maybe 2. I gotta go in. Maybe I can see what's going on in there. I don't know. -I don't know. He's never offed anybody. His rap doesn't show any violence. -He's never offed anybody. His rap doesn't show any violence. Not that we know of. -Not that we know of. We don't know how much time we have. If I can get in to talk to him -- maybe we won't lose anyone. -We don't know how much time we have. If I can get in to talk to him -- maybe we won't lose anyone. Maybe we can get a throw phone in there. -Floor seats. You're my hero. -You're my hero. Dinner's on you. -Dinner's on you. Deal. -Mind if we make a stop on the way? We busted Frank Antonucci on possession. He gave us a lead on that Polk Street jewelry heist. """Phoney Frank""? Don't waste your time. He'd tell you his granny was in on the Kennedy assassination if he could dodge a collar." -"""Phoney Frank""? Don't waste your time. He'd tell you his granny was in on the Kennedy assassination if he could dodge a collar." I still gotta do it. Wasting time is half my job. -I still gotta do it. Wasting time is half my job. Yeah, okay. -This SWAT guy might be a good idea. He may be able to take a little pressure off you. I worry about you. You worried about me, too? The chief's worried about me. Solis is worried about me. Maybe you guys should start some kind of organization. -You worried about me, too? The chief's worried about me. Solis is worried about me. Maybe you guys should start some kind of organization. Speaking of which. I saw you talking to Ronnie this morning. Why can't you get it back together with her. You've gotta be out of your mind not to get with that one. -Speaking of which. I saw you talking to Ronnie this morning. Why can't you get it back together with her. You've gotta be out of your mind not to get with that one. It's not me. It's her. She's going out with this baseball player -- Greg Barnett. -It's not me. It's her. She's going out with this baseball player -- Greg Barnett. No shit! He's good! -No shit! He's good! Fuck him. He swings at anything in the dirt. I could strike him out. -Fuck him. He swings at anything in the dirt. I could strike him out. Don't give up on her. You're getting to the age when you ought to be thinking about these things. -Where's the stereo? Fuck the stereo. What's that smell? -Fuck the stereo. What's that smell? Come on. Just get in. We gotta go. -Apartment 306. You want me to go up with you? -You want me to go up with you? Nah, It probably won't turn up anything. I'm just gonna talk to him. -Nah, It probably won't turn up anything. I'm just gonna talk to him. Good. I don't want to be late. -What's the line? It was Warriors plus 6 this morning. -It was Warriors plus 6 this morning. I'll take half of your action. -Who is it? It's Lieutenant Sam Baffert from the San Francisco Police Department. -What happened? Is there a problem? May I come in? I would just like to ask you a couple of questions. -"Duke Ellington. ""Things Ain't What They Used To Be"", recorded July 30, 1945." Yeah... Yeah... Now I can hear it. -Where did you find an old recording like that? Used record shop down on Turk Street. I was in there looking for some Robert Johnson. Memories... Memory Lane or something... -Used record shop down on Turk Street. I was in there looking for some Robert Johnson. Memories... Memory Lane or something... I've got to stop in there... Mr. Korda, do you know Frank Antonucci? -I've got to stop in there... Mr. Korda, do you know Frank Antonucci? You mean Frank who owns the bakery down the street? -Could I please have a little water? Of course. -Perhaps for his own reasons he entangled me in this... situation. This cousin of yours... What's his name? -This cousin of yours... What's his name? Clarence Teal. -You told Antonucci that shit came from me. So that we could get the best price. He's got respect for you. He's gonna try to lowball me, Mike. -You fucking idiot! Why do you think I use you?... To be a walking advertisement. I'm sorry, Mike. I never heard of LaMarra flipping on anyone before. He said he had the cops paid off. Antonucci never flipped on anyone before. He had the cops paid off. -I'm sorry, Mike. I never heard of LaMarra flipping on anyone before. He said he had the cops paid off. Antonucci never flipped on anyone before. He had the cops paid off. Not the fucking cop that showed up at my door! -Not the fucking cop that showed up at my door! What happened, Mike. -What happened, Mike. You don't want to know. -God damn it! I still needed to case that fucking store. It's too risky to show my face now. I got a couple thousand bucks. You could leave town. -I got a couple thousand bucks. You could leave town. Leave town? They're going to know me in fucking Des Moines now!... They got over ten million in jewels in that place. That's freedom, man. I could go anywhere I want. -You gotta do this for me. I'm in here because of you. Man, what's this about? Ya know, you were robbing a store. It wasn't personal. It was his job. -Man, what's this about? Ya know, you were robbing a store. It wasn't personal. It was his job. Fuck you! You know what he did to me?!... -Don't make do it, Mike. Are you going to turn on me too? Who helped you when you were strung out? Who gave you money? Who bailed you out of jail? -Are you going to turn on me too? Who helped you when you were strung out? Who gave you money? Who bailed you out of jail? I won't get away with it. -I won't get away with it. Nobody knows who you are. Make it look like a robbery. -I... I'm Kevin. I 'm here to help you, D... Dave. You can't help me, man. -Who's controlling your mind? Whoa!... The government. They control everybody's mind. You're too fucking stupid to know that? -This has nothing to do with Walter. They want Walter dead! -Tell me what's wrong. Particles, man. I feel them all the time. I feel them in my arms and legs man, that's how they punish me. -Particles, man. I feel them all the time. I feel them in my arms and legs man, that's how they punish me. How can I help you with the particles? -How can I help you with the particles? It's not just the particles man, it's the whole fucking machine, this is how they get assassins to operate. It's been this way since the cuban missile crisis. -They have less power over you if you look into my eyes. Huh? -Tell my dad. Tell him what, what do you want me to tell him? -Tell him what, what do you want me to tell him? Tell my dad I'm sorry about the watch. -Tell my dad I'm sorry about the watch. I'll tell him. Where does he live. We'll get him on the phone right now. -I hate fucking Springfield. Is that where you're family lives? -Where's the car? I need to get something straight first. -It's my job to see that no one gets killed, Earl... Including you. Then where's my FUCKING car! -Really? Absolutely. Bank robbers are generally your smartest criminals. -The Old Guy? What kind of show of faith is that? I want Debbie. Am I gettin' the car? -Am I gettin' the car? You're gettin' the car. -What?! You want a convertible or hardtop? -Manual or automatic? Automatic. -Automatic. You got it. -Who are you again? Johnny Hawkins. Bail Bonds. I gotta be over at county in fifteen minutes, alright? -Johnny Hawkins. Bail Bonds. I gotta be over at county in fifteen minutes, alright? Johnny who? -Hold on a second here. Is there a problem? -You signed out twice. I what? -I what? Look, why don't you just come on back inside for a second. -Look, why don't you just come on back inside for a second. Wait a minute, lemme see that. -Hi, Roper. Hi, Kimura. Where's the command post? -The suspect came in shortly after the bank opened. Botched robbery. A teller hit the silent alarm. He took seven hostages. Shot one -- the guard. He's still alive. So far he's asked for... ...a car. -...a car. That's right, and a plane waiting at the airport. If he doesn't... -That's right, and a plane waiting at the airport. If he doesn't... ...get 'em, he's going to start shooting hostages in five minutes... -...get 'em, he's going to start shooting hostages in five minutes... That's right. -That's right. What's the suspect's name? -What's the suspect's name? Earl. -We got a guy who's probably on drugs. He's got a record of 459's and he was busted on possession. But he's never been busted on a major felony. What's his demeanor? Well he's a little fucking agitated -- he ripped the phone out. -Well he's a little fucking agitated -- he ripped the phone out. I have to go face to face. -Anything on Korda so far? Solis said to keep you clear of this. -What do you got on Korda? We ran a search on relatives. He has a cousin in town -- Clarence Teal. Smalltime thief. Last known address was on Pine Street. He moved out a month ago. We've got a couple leads on him to check out. -We ran a search on relatives. He has a cousin in town -- Clarence Teal. Smalltime thief. Last known address was on Pine Street. He moved out a month ago. We've got a couple leads on him to check out. Did you check out DMV for any vehicles registration? -Did you check out DMV for any vehicles registration? Being faxed over now. -Being faxed over now. How about the record room for any incident reports? He might be a victim. We can get medical records. Check with burglary detail and see if anyone else knows him, knows his habits. -How about the record room for any incident reports? He might be a victim. We can get medical records. Check with burglary detail and see if anyone else knows him, knows his habits. Roper... -Roper... And what about bars? We can talk to neighbors to see what bars he frequents. -And what about bars? We can talk to neighbors to see what bars he frequents. Roper, we're into it... -You don't have to come here. Yes, I do. That way there's no misunderstandings. I need to make sure no one's hurt, then we can take care of business. -Alright, Roper. You want to come... come. Good. I won't be armed. We gotta operate on trust here. We're going to wrap this up and have you guys out of here as soon as possible. -Are you in charge, Roper? Yep. -Yep. I want a car. Like a four wheel drive. I want it in perfect condition. I want a uniformed cop to drive it up right here. I want him to leave the engine running and walk to the end of the street. Then we'll come out. I don't want any remote control devices in it. I know all the tricks. If it's not in perfect condition, and I mean if its even low on wiper fluid, I'm going to kill somebody and we're gonna start again. -I want a plane waiting at the airport. I'll tell them where I want to go when I get there. Is that all? -Is that all? For now that's all. -For now that's all. You'll get it. But, Joe, I want you to do something for me. Let me take a look around inside. Make sure everybody's okay. -You'll get it. But, Joe, I want you to do something for me. Let me take a look around inside. Make sure everybody's okay. No. You just do shit for me right now. -Joe, I'm doing a lot for you. I think you could give me something to cement the deal... One hostage. I'll give you something. -You can't kill me like this. What if you and me got into a struggle... and my gun went off? -Open your shirt. I'm not wearing a wire. This is just between you and me. -I'm not wearing a wire. This is just between you and me. Shut the fuck up and do what I say! -Satisfied? Open the bag, dump everything on the table. -It's all there. Spread it out. -I'm impressed. I didn't think you could do it. What did you have to do, steal them? Yeah. -Yeah. That's not going to look too good on your service record. -That's not going to look too good on your service record. I'll worry about that. Let's get on with it. -Same here. I've watched you in action. Very impressive. You've got a lot of hard work ahead of you if you want to be a negotiator. -You've got a lot of hard work ahead of you if you want to be a negotiator. I'm ready to do it. And I'm going to be here more than two weeks. -Don't go reading my lips, man. That's an intrusion. Save that shit for the sniper school. Comprende? Sorry... Habit. -We're already past it, aren't we, Kevin? If you say so. -You ever been in a hostage situation? Only at the very end. -Only at the very end. How do you feel after a shooting. -How do you feel after a shooting. Like it had to be done. -It rarely has to be done. I've rarely shot anyone. -I've rarely shot anyone. SWAT is a lifesaving unit, you know. -SWAT is a lifesaving unit, you know. I know. -I know. Try to remember that. -What's the point of this? A little exercise in lateral thinking. The obvious solution isn't always the only solution... See you tomorrow. -I'm sorry about your friend. I had a friend in SWAT killed. I know how it can be. I appreciate your concern. Let's leave it at that. -So, McCall, how come you ended up in San Francisco? They recruited me. Promised me fast advancement. -They recruited me. Promised me fast advancement. Recruited you from where? -Recruited you from where? National Marksman Competition. -National Marksman Competition. With your qualifications you must have had a lot of offers. Why here? -With your qualifications you must have had a lot of offers. Why here? Furthest point I could find from New York. -Furthest point I could find from New York. You don't like New York? -You don't like New York? Spent my whole life there. I just wanted to get out for a while. -Spent my whole life there. I just wanted to get out for a while. You'd never been out of New York? -You'd never been out of New York? Been to Toronto. My mother was born there. -Been to Toronto. My mother was born there. How did you like Toronto? -How did you like Toronto? It was okay. -It was okay. You're a real excitable sort, aren't you? -You're a real excitable sort, aren't you? "You caught me on an ""up"" day. How about you? How did you end up in San Francisco?" -"You caught me on an ""up"" day. How about you? How did you end up in San Francisco?" "I grew up in Oakland... Crossed the Bay Bridge and here I was. So you're looking for ""fast advancement""." -"I grew up in Oakland... Crossed the Bay Bridge and here I was. So you're looking for ""fast advancement""." Is there something wrong with that? -Is there something wrong with that? I'm not sure. -How are we gonna get him out of there? We could fill it with water. -Eighty-five percent of domestic disturbances of this nature end in murder/suicide. Not the ones I'm at. -Come on. Let's go for a drink. I don't really like to drink. -I don't really like to drink. You have to. It's a tradition. -You have to. It's a tradition. Well, if I have to, I have to. -You got a girlfriend? Why? You like my ass? -You wouldn't want to put a small wager on this, would you? I don't gamble. -Yeah, I've got a girlfriend. You living together? -You living together? She's back in Jersey... going to graduate school. -She's back in Jersey... going to graduate school. Explain how that works. -Explain how that works. She's going to come here when she graduates and then we're gonna get married. -She's going to come here when she graduates and then we're gonna get married. She grow up in Livingtston, too? -She grow up in Livingtston, too? No, no, no... She's from Hoboken. -No, no, no... She's from Hoboken. "Oh, ""city girl"". Don't you ever long for companionship with her such a long way away in New Jersey?" -"Oh, ""city girl"". Don't you ever long for companionship with her such a long way away in New Jersey?" We see each other every couple of months. -We see each other every couple of months. Every couple of months, huh? -That's a lot of commitment. I admire that. Do you really? -Do you really? No. Actually I think it's fucking crazy, I don't know if I could do it. -No. Actually I think it's fucking crazy, I don't know if I could do it. Thanks for clearing that up. I hear your former girlfriend is going out with Greg Barnett. -Thanks for clearing that up. I hear your former girlfriend is going out with Greg Barnett. Where did you hear that? -Where did you hear that? Around. Barnett's tough competition. -Around. Barnett's tough competition. Yeah, well that's a sore subject, and therefore out of bounds to a young sprout of a hostage negotiator under my tutelage. -"Lesson two, ""Dead Eye""... should have been lesson one. Never exchange yourself for a hostage." I think I can handle that one. -I think I can handle that one. Yeah, you think so, but it comes up. -You think you can learn, McCall? I think so. -"First things is, don't say, ""What's going on?"" Everybody knows what's going on. I come into this situation, I say, ""I'm glad to see nobody's hurt. That's good. I'm here to help you."" Second: You hesitated. Don't hesitate. If you're thinking, talk while you're thinking, or else he's going to think you're plotting. Which you are. If he thinks you're plotting, you're going to make him nervous. You don't want him nervous. Got that?" No. -No. It'll come. Try again. -Tell me what you need. I need you to bring me the scumbag who ran off with my wife so I can cut off his nuts. -I can't do that. Then get out of my face you worthless piece of frogshit. -Nah, I just throw that in because I enjoy it. So what do I say to this guy? -So what do I say to this guy? "You could say something like, ""Tell me what the scumbag's name is. Maybe we can work something out.""" -"You could say something like, ""Tell me what the scumbag's name is. Maybe we can work something out.""" What? Bring somebody in so he can cut his nuts off? -If you want to be a successful negotiator, you've got to learn to lie. I'm not good at lying. -I'm not good at lying. Get good at it. -Get good at it. It's against my nature. -You know the ten commandments? Yes. -Yes. What's the first commandment? -What's the first commandment? Thou shall have no other God before me. -You tell me. Thou shall not kill... You've killed, right? -Thou shall not kill... You've killed, right? Yes. -Yes. Why? -Why? To save lives. -To save lives. So why would you hesitate to lie to save lives? -My name's McCall. I'm unarmed. Okay, stop. -What did you see? A dirtbag behind the counter holding a sawed-off. A Berretta nine millimeter in his belt. A female hostage, red dress, on the floor in front of the cereal display. Male hostage, jeans and blue checked shirt, three feet to her right. Another male hostage, white pants, green shirt, Nikes, laying in front of the magazine rack. A female dirtbag with a gun under her shirt, sitting against the beer cooler, trying to pass herself off as a hostage, and there's a special on toilet-paper, four for a buck twenty-nine. -Why did he do it? Because he knew the little girl had zero chance of survival and his chances would be a little better... We had a plan, but SWAT opened up too early. He got caught in the crossfire. Let's move on... Notice this. Always use the eyes to keep the connection. It almost like hypnosis. That's the most important thing. Create a connection. You're always on their side... -You know why I like the track? You're a compulsive gambler? -See the favorite? Tail up. Washy. He doesn't want to run today. Cross him off... Now the Six looks good. On his toes. Coat shiny. This trainer/jockey combo does well. We can't leave him out. What do you think? I have two words for you... Seek help. -I have two words for you... Seek help. I have three words for you... Ex-ac- ta. -I bought you a four-six exacta box. You owe me twenty bucks. I do. -We need the 4 and 6 to finish to first and second. Fine. -Ronnie... Yeah, so. Now she's going out with Greg Barnett? -Now she's going out with Greg Barnett? So what do you want?... An autograph. -So what do you want?... An autograph. I don't know why she'd pick him over you. -I'm just practicing my lying. Still needs work. -Still needs work. You're right. I'll never be as good a liar as you. -The 6 horse is last. That's okay. That's his style. -That's okay. That's his style. To run last? -To run last? To run late! -The 6 horse is still last. He'll be running at the quarter pole. -They need to run first and second? Yeah, first and second. -COME ON RUSSELL!... Who the fuck's Russell?! The jockey! -The jockey! COME ON, RUSSELL! -We won! We lost. -We lost. We won. -We won. How much you wanna bet? -How much you wanna bet? You want to bet on whether you won your bet? This is getting sick. -How long you been coming here? About six years. My partner took me. -About six years. My partner took me. Is it always like this? -Is it always like this? Occasionally you lose. -See this. Solis has me driving the shit-mobile, and he picked this up straight out of impound for fourteen grand. Probably worth thirty. Police corruption. It's everywhere. -There's your answer. He's smart. He's cutting down the visibility. -He's cutting down the visibility. And doing a very good job of it. -He's got the girl. Damnit! -What the fuck is going on. I don't know, but I've got to get on there. -I don't know, but I've got to get on there. You're crazy. -You're crazy. Pull up alongside. -It might have happened no matter who was up there. Bullshit! Would it have happened to you? -Bullshit! Would it have happened to you? Maybe... There's one thing you have to remember... You don't create the situations. You can only try to save people from them. -Maybe... There's one thing you have to remember... You don't create the situations. You can only try to save people from them. I thought I could do it. I was so damn sure of myself. But I didn't know what to say. The words wouldn't come. My mouth turned to mush. You make it look so easy, Roper. But it is not. It's not easy. It's a different job than looking through the rifle scope. -I thought I could do it. I was so damn sure of myself. But I didn't know what to say. The words wouldn't come. My mouth turned to mush. You make it look so easy, Roper. But it is not. It's not easy. It's a different job than looking through the rifle scope. That it is. -How many have you lost? I look at it as how many I've saved. That's the way you've got to look at it. -I look at it as how many I've saved. That's the way you've got to look at it. And what about the ones you don't save? -And what about the ones you don't save? You live with it... and they haunt you. It doesn't leave. -You live with it... and they haunt you. It doesn't leave. And what if you can't live with it? -And what if you can't live with it? You've got to decide that for yourself. -He's gonna kill her no matter what. If I take him these jewels he's gonna kill me and her. So what do you want to do? -So what do you want to do? That's a chance I gotta take. -That's a chance I gotta take. Then we better get moving... But there's no way we can get the jewels out of evidence. -Mare Island is an abandoned shipyard, cranes, high buildings... he'll be in place where he can see everything. How are we going to get me in there? Good question. -McCall, you all right? I'm okay. Korda... went down the side of the building... -I'm okay. Korda... went down the side of the building... Stay put. -Roper. Metro Division. Hostage Negotiator. Give me the short version. "Husband came home. Found that guy and his wife ""in flagrante"". Now he's holding her at knife point." -"Husband came home. Found that guy and his wife ""in flagrante"". Now he's holding her at knife point." Which apartment? -Have you evacuated anyone? Only that floor. -Only that floor. Is the hostage injured? -Is the hostage injured? Don't know. She keeps screaming to stay out. He keeps screaming to stay out. We decided to stay out. -Don't know. She keeps screaming to stay out. He keeps screaming to stay out. We decided to stay out. Well, there's a good amount of agreement on that. -I know how you feel, Ray. You don't know shit, and I suggest you leave. -I can't leave, Ray. It's part of my negotiator's oath. Once I'm in the room with the hostage, I have to stay. You don't want to see what I'm going to do to her. -You don't want to see what I'm going to do to her. Let me show you something, Ray. -Same thing happened to me, man. She cheated on me, but I forgave her. You know why? I ain't interested in your life story. -I ain't interested in your life story. Because I was partially to blame. I wasn't around as much as I should have been. I forgot how to love her. -Because I was partially to blame. I wasn't around as much as I should have been. I forgot how to love her. She's the one to blame. Not me. -Ray, think about how she looked when you married her. Think about how happy you were. Don't lose that, man. Don't give up everything. What am I giving up? I'm laid off last year. I'm down to my last unemployment check. I'm out on the streets looking for work and this bitch is banging some asshole in my bed. -Ray, if you walk out of here with me, I'll get you a job. Doing what? Cleaning toilets? -Doing what? Cleaning toilets? I can't guarantee you what it will be. But I swear on my life, I'll find you work. -I can't guarantee you what it will be. But I swear on my life, I'll find you work. And why the fuck would you do that for me? -And why the fuck would you do that for me? Not for you, Ray. For me. A close friend of mine was killed this week. The way I figure it, I stop you from doin' what you said, I'm one up on body count. -Not for you, Ray. For me. A close friend of mine was killed this week. The way I figure it, I stop you from doin' what you said, I'm one up on body count. Who the fuck are you, Mother Teresa? -Who the fuck are you, Mother Teresa? My name's Scott Roper. -This baseball player you're going out with... He's no good for you. Really?! He's a wonderful guy. He makes two million a year, and he worships me. -Really?! He's a wonderful guy. He makes two million a year, and he worships me. I worship you. -I worship you. You worship yourself. -You worship yourself. Ronnie, forget this what's-his-name. -Ronnie, forget this what's-his-name. Greg. -Greg. Did you know he's already got a bad knee? In another 10 years you're going to be pushing him around in a wheelchair. -You know what I think? I think you only want me now, because I'm with somebody else. Who cares what you think. I want you back and that's all that matters. -Let me take you out tomorrow night... Pleeease. I'm going out with Greg tomorrow. -I'm going out with Greg tomorrow. This Greg is really getting in my way. -Please. I'm begging you. Oh, I've got to get a shot of this. -Hey. Hey yourself. Came by to see Troy. -Hey yourself. Came by to see Troy. A little late for that, Scottie. He's asleep. Jack Daniels? -A little late for that, Scottie. He's asleep. Jack Daniels? I'm not drunk. Yet. -I'm not drunk. Yet. Maybe you should be. -Maybe you should be. You heard. -Yeah. I'm sorry. Can I come in? -That a new picture? About 4 months old. I'm working in a new style. -I won't stay long. I had to talk to someone. You don't usually talk to anyone when you're hurting. -You don't usually talk to anyone when you're hurting. It was my fault. I was right downstairs. I should have gone up with him. -It was my fault. I was right downstairs. I should have gone up with him. Scott, You can't save everyone. -Scott, You can't save everyone. I've proved that, didn't I? -Oh, hell, forget it. This won't work. What do you want from me? -What do you want from me? Something I guess I can't have anymore. -Something I guess I can't have anymore. Don't try to make me feel guilty. The whole time we were together, you went out of your way to prove you didn't need me. Now, suddenly, for one night, you need me again. I can't do it. I can't be more than your friend. Because I know what will happen. In a few weeks you'll be back on top, and you'll shut me out just as soon as you don't need me again. -Don't try to make me feel guilty. The whole time we were together, you went out of your way to prove you didn't need me. Now, suddenly, for one night, you need me again. I can't do it. I can't be more than your friend. Because I know what will happen. In a few weeks you'll be back on top, and you'll shut me out just as soon as you don't need me again. You think I didn't need you? -You think I didn't need you? If you did, you never showed it. -If you did, you never showed it. Ronnie... -I wanted to get this out of the way. You got a bet on the game tonight? -You got a bet on the game tonight? As a matter of fact, I do. -It's already started. I was going to catch the last half on TV. -That kind with the garlic and the oil that I like so much? No. The kind from Kraft, with the macaroni and the cheese. -No. The kind from Kraft, with the macaroni and the cheese. I've been craving that stuff all week. -I've been craving that stuff all week. And it's hard to get. -What do you think? Mmm, needs a little something. -Mmm, needs a little something. What are you talking about? This is it. This is the stuff right here. Well, maybe just a pinch more sugar. -What are you talking about? This is it. This is the stuff right here. Well, maybe just a pinch more sugar. Yeah that's it. -Yeah that's it. Why don't you just stick your finger in and stir it up. -Why don't you just stick your finger in and stir it up. Scottie... -Scottie, remember the day you lost that hostage in union square. You came over that night and we made mad, crazy love. But I didn't even know what happened... 'til I heard it on the news the next morning. It's because I wanted to keep you away from that world. -It's because I wanted to keep you away from that world. It's not that world. It's your world. It's part of who you are. -It's not that world. It's your world. It's part of who you are. Veronica, it's not easy for me... I don't know if I can change overnight. But what I'm telling you is that I want to share everything with you, because I don't ever want to be without you again. -What about Greg? What are you gonna tell him? It's okay. We broke up. -It's okay. We broke up. When? -When? Just now. -How's Paco doing? He was going nuts at the park. He met this very attractive poodle. They made plans to meet again next weekend. -You like this place? It's very nice. -It's very nice. I guess you realize that there's something special that I want to talk to you about. -There is? For the last week things have been going pretty well between us. I think we've been doing a good job getting intimate and all that stuff... -Yeah? ...Let me just show you. -How come in those foreign movies the young girl is always with some fat, old guy. In Europe women find older men very sexy. -Korda escaped. And you think he'll... -I don't think you're old and fat enough for me. Use your imagination. -Why don't you come back up with me, Ronnie. I think I'll stand out here in the sun. -Scottie, Scottie... It's all over, babe, it's all over. -Stay here, don't move. Scottie... -Scottie... Do it! -I've never seen sea so blue. Tahiti is magnificent, Scottie. Yeah, I could get used to this Paradise shit. -Scottie? Hmm? -Hmm? I've been thinking. -Hmm? Things have been going pretty well between us, haven't they? -Things have been going pretty well between us, haven't they? Yeah. -Yeah. You've changed you know. I don't think there's anything you can't do once you put your mind to it. -I was just thinking... There's something special I want to talk to you about. I think it's time we went to a whole other phase in our relationship. A deeper level. A deeper level? -A deeper level? That's right. We've got to bare it all. Here and now. 'Cause I think I'm finally ready to go for it... -That's right. We've got to bare it all. Here and now. 'Cause I think I'm finally ready to go for it... Whoa! Wait a minute, Ronnie. Hold on. I know it's beautiful here. The sun, the sand, the sea and all that nature shit can really get to you. But we've got to keep our perspective here. This place isn't real. This isn't reality. -Whoa! Wait a minute, Ronnie. Hold on. I know it's beautiful here. The sun, the sand, the sea and all that nature shit can really get to you. But we've got to keep our perspective here. This place isn't real. This isn't reality. Scott... -Scott... I mean I said this trip should be a 'roadtest'. -I mean I said this trip should be a 'roadtest'. ...the hell are you talking about? -...the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about... What are you talking about? -I'm talking about... What are you talking about? I'm talking about me 'n' you stripping down on this beach and gettin' you know... 'naked in Tahiti'. -I'm talking about me 'n' you stripping down on this beach and gettin' you know... 'naked in Tahiti'. "You talkin' about gettin' 'nekked?' Shit, I thought you were talkin' bout, you know... the ""M"" word." -"You talkin' about gettin' 'nekked?' Shit, I thought you were talkin' bout, you know... the ""M"" word." You thought I was talking about getting married?! -You crazy? With all those people around? Know what you are?! You're a prude, Roper. -Know what you are?! You're a prude, Roper. The hell I am! -The hell I am! Prude. -Prude. First you want me to put on one of those skinny ass bathing suits -- tongs or thongs or whatever you call them -- with my butt cheeks wrapped around a piece of dental floss... No way. -...at the top of the stretch it's Cozy Girl in front with Backtrack coming on... Cozy Girl by a length, Backtrack closing... Come on. Stay up there, Cozy Girl... -It's Cozy Girl holding on... Cozy Girl and Backtrack... I'm en route. E.T.A. in five. -Stay up there, Girl... Cozy Girl in front by a neck... Now a head... -Where's the damn wire?! Here comes the wire... and... Backtrack gets up in the last jump. Cozy girl a very game second. -Here comes the wire... and... Backtrack gets up in the last jump. Cozy girl a very game second. SHIT! -Tell him to give me a raise. "He says, ""Thank you very much."" I'll discuss it with him right now... Good-bye, Chief." -Roper. What? -What? Are you going to make this hard for me? -Are you going to make this hard for me? Depends. What's up? -Depends. What's up? There's been some concern about you continuing to work without back-up. -There's been some concern about you continuing to work without back-up. Define concern. -What if you die and no one can do what you do as well as you do it? Your concern is heartwarming. -Your concern is heartwarming. It's been decided that you take on another partner and train him to be able to take over for you. -It's been decided that you take on another partner and train him to be able to take over for you. Is that what the guy in the Sunday School suit is doing outside? -Is that what the guy in the Sunday School suit is doing outside? His name's Kevin McCall. Every Metro Captain agrees that he's their top sharp-shooter and most likely to succeed. -Great, send him to the Marines. This guy's not a negotiator. He'll quit in two weeks. You let us worry about that. -You let us worry about that. Is there going to be an expression of your appreciation? -Is there going to be an expression of your appreciation? What kind of appreciation are we talking about? -What kind of appreciation are we talking about? The financial kind. I figure I'm going to be working extra hours. All sorts of overtime... training sessions... Not to mention the extra stress... -The financial kind. I figure I'm going to be working extra hours. All sorts of overtime... training sessions... Not to mention the extra stress... What do you think would be in order? -What do you think would be in order? Like ahh... I don't know... Five thousand dollars. -Like ahh... I don't know... Five thousand dollars. Okay, I think I could swing that. -And a car. Hey, you just got a five thousand dollar raise. Get a car of your own. -Hey, you just got a five thousand dollar raise. Get a car of your own. You know you've got nothing but cars down there in impound. -You know you've got nothing but cars down there in impound. Impound isn't a rent-a-car company. -Impound isn't a rent-a-car company. The car is part of the deal. -The car is part of the deal. What happened to your Trans Am? -Repoed this morning. I'll provide you with transportation. -I'll provide you with transportation. And even if this doesn't work, I want all the money. These SWAT guys don't have the temperament. They don't have the background... -The chief says to tell you how sorry he is. He knew Sam Baffert was a good man. He said he was just going up to talk to him. He said... I want to be put on this case. -He said he was just going up to talk to him. He said... I want to be put on this case. I can't do that. -I can't do that. I want to be put on this case. -I want to be put on this case. You know I can't assign you to this. You're much too close to it. You were much too close to Sam. The department will take care of it. -You know I can't assign you to this. You're much too close to it. You were much too close to Sam. The department will take care of it. Who's running it? -Who's running it? Roper... -Roper... Who's running it! -Who's running it! Kimura and Glass will head the investigation. -What do we got? 32 minutes ago the silent alarm went off, then the fire alarm. A unit was a block away, and the suspect got trapped inside. -32 minutes ago the silent alarm went off, then the fire alarm. A unit was a block away, and the suspect got trapped inside. Any verification on numbers. -Any verification on numbers. "We've only seen and talked to one suspect. He calls himself ""Joe"". There's two jewelers, two salespeople, the manager, a security guard, and an elderly woman. This particular store is where they do a lot of jewelry making and repair. They have anywhere from 8 to 10 million in raw stones on any given day, so they sure as shit didn't just wander in. They knew what they were coming for." -"We've only seen and talked to one suspect. He calls himself ""Joe"". There's two jewelers, two salespeople, the manager, a security guard, and an elderly woman. This particular store is where they do a lot of jewelry making and repair. They have anywhere from 8 to 10 million in raw stones on any given day, so they sure as shit didn't just wander in. They knew what they were coming for." What have you promised them? -What have you promised them? Just that I'd talk to my superiors. -Are these yours? Yeah, they are but... -Yeah, they are but... Come on! -This is Halden. Halden, how nice to hear your voice. -Halden, how nice to hear your voice. What do you want? -What do you want? I have found in life that what one wants isn't nearly as important as what one needs. -I have found in life that what one wants isn't nearly as important as what one needs. What do you need? -What do you need? I need to take back what's mine. -There are two million people in there with you. Yes. -Yes. They have nothing to do with this -- -They have nothing to do with this -- -- Two million people lost in the digital night. What do they seek? -God-Damn you! Yes, I believe he has -- -Yes, I believe he has -- -- You've made your point! You've got control of the system. -System's running on auxiliary. Only seven hours before it crashes. True. -True. You're in there. Everybody dies, you go with them -- -You're in there. Everybody dies, you go with them -- -- But don't you remember? I'm already dead. -It's okay. Okay... -Okay... It's all been transferred. -Why? To live forever. -She said I have a son... No, she said she had a son. In a dream she once called life. -How come I can't remember? Because I took it out of your memory. -Because I took it out of your memory. Why -- -Why -- -- Because there'll be no remorse. Not in my world. -As long as it's not 'what's your sign?' If you could meet God, what would you say to him? -That's a strange question. You a strange man? There you are, sitting next to the creator, what do you say? -There you are, sitting next to the creator, what do you say? This is how you pick up women -- -This is how you pick up women -- -- No. -Your life that bad? No, not me, I've been lucky. But I've seen what happens to other people -- -No, not me, I've been lucky. But I've seen what happens to other people -- -- If your life's so good up there Gena, what are you doing down here? -Do you believe in miracles? I'm serious, how did you know my name? -You were right. About what? -Who are you?! Someone who believes in miracles. -You don't have much sex up there in the real world, do you? No... -It's all here... Yes. -The guests are here. Guests? -Guests? Just like you always wanted. -But this is impossible. That's the grace of this world. Nothing's impossible. -What's happening? Nothing, go back to sleep. -It's time to wake up. Wake up?! -Wake up?! From the dream. -The patterns were moved around, but they weren't changed. True. But why? -Halden sent men to kill me in my sleep, but simple illusions won out. So he now sends the legend to finish the deed. No. -No. Then what? -But what would happen to me? I have no body to return to. Not my problem. -Not my problem. So wrong -- -Divinity? Yes. -Yes. You are not a God. -You are not a God. In here I am. -God creates man, man creates technology, technology creates God. End into beginning. In a computer program. -In a computer program. The new world. -The new world. It's not real. -It's not real. Not real? -You were the one who was dying. Yes... -You sealed off the system. When it crashes, everyone dies with you. Yes, but only in the dream they call life. -Yes, but only in the dream they call life. Dream?! -Dream?! And all dreams, no matter how appealing, must eventually end. -Unlimited energy out there. Enough to run this world for all eternity -- -- But you'll never be able to get it through the maze. --- But you'll never be able to get it through the maze. Me? Of course not. That's why you're here. -With the energy from the net, we can program this world anyway we want. Redwood forests. Oceans. Mountains -- -- Two million people plugged-in here. --- Two million people plugged-in here. Yes. -Until you're on the net where the corporation can't touch you, you can't open the system. They'll eject it if you do. One would assume so. -But once the system touches the net, all links are severed. Everybody dies. Only up there in the dream they called life. -Only up there in the dream they called life. And down here -- -Remember, I'm not the one who chose this. Yes, so which one of us does that make the coward? -Where the hell are you going? Unfinished business. -Unfinished business. And what about the reconfiguration? -And what about the reconfiguration? Perfect opportunity for you to demonstrate your continued worth. -You sure he's going to come? It's his nature. -It's his nature. But what if he doesn't -- -But what if he doesn't -- -- He will. -How long 'till we can eject? We're going to have to reconfigure. -We're going to have to reconfigure. How long? -How long? At least a day. -Have communications contact all interface centers. Tell them due to high demand, we're at full capacity and so temporarily there's no room for anyone else on the system. What about the customers with reservations? -What about the customers with reservations? Have the staff apologize profusely and issue credit vouchers. But remember, it's a capacity problem. That's all. -The maze has been changed -- -- He says the maze has been changed. I need to know for sure. -Where you plugged-in from? New York. -New York. I'm South Dakota. -What? The weather. -What's her name? Who? -Who? The woman you're stuck on. -The woman you're stuck on. There is no -- -Take care. Take care? Where the hell are you going -- -He had keys. Of course the legend would like to think that. But no one has keys. Your maze was run. -Get some internal police there. Tell them to run a perimeter. But have them wait for me 'till they move in on him. -Doesn't make sense. How the hell does some fucking teenager get to the keys? Sorry, I just design the maze. Keeping the keys secure is your job. -Two maze runners. Someone sends the kid a copy of the access program, then runs the maze at the same time the kid does, using the same codes. -Won't be time if he gets access -- -- He won't. -He had access to the keys -- -- Yes. -We can be there in fifteen minutes and rip him off the system. Go! -You're jumping to conclusions. He's not plugged-into the system. He's in the fucking system! -Try harder. Christoph had spinal cancer. His body kept rejecting gene therapy. He was desperate. It was him, it wasn't us -- -Christoph had spinal cancer. His body kept rejecting gene therapy. He was desperate. It was him, it wasn't us -- -- I saw the program. -Corporate fingerprints all over it. Of course they are. Christoph was stealing every piece of code he could get his hands on. -Of course they are. Christoph was stealing every piece of code he could get his hands on. And you weren't involved. -Because why the hell would you be interested in a program that allows people to live inside your machines? I mean how much profit could there possibly be from owning the universe and selling space in it to people who are dying, or people who are just God-Damned sick of this world -- -- Come on, you know F.C.O. regs. Anyone caught with their R and D hand in the bio-digitization cookie jar spends the rest of their life in federal penitentiary. It's not worth it. -The only way to eject it is from the inside. You've got the keys, send someone in -- -You've got the keys, send someone in -- -- Christoph changed the maze. -One condition. What? -What? The truth. -What is it? The Terrace. First building Christoph ever programmed for us. -The Terrace. First building Christoph ever programmed for us. A hotel? -A hotel? It's not used for anything. -Christoph was a brilliant programmer, but very eccentric. He insisted it be kept vacant. Why? -Why? He wouldn't say. -Christoph was in charge of designing building modules. That's right. -That's right. Then what's with all the staffing programs in his account? -Then what's with all the staffing programs in his account? Good question. -Be a hell of a lot easier to digitize a real person, then strip them down to a module you can use to make as many employee programs as you need. Yes, in theory, I suppose that would work. -Who did he digitize? Listen to yourself. Digitization. You know that officially that's a pure fantasy -- -Listen to yourself. Digitization. You know that officially that's a pure fantasy -- -- Who did he digitize?! -What did he tell you? The truth. -The truth. Not his style. -Not his style. Katie was digitized. -Then you had her killed. Why would I do that? -Why would I do that? To hide the evidence. -We drugged her. So she wouldn't remember. Try harder. -Try harder. There was no need to kill her. -There was no need to kill her. Then where is she? -Then where is she? Come on Tanner, think this through. -An interface attendant. Where? -Where? Times Square. -Need the disk back! Insurance. -Insurance. Insurance? -Insurance? If she's alive, you get it back. -What brings you inside? Cleaning up a mess. -Cleaning up a mess. Some things never change, do they? -I've got to get back. Tanner. -Someone you have to get back to? No. -I'm sorry sir, we need your debit card before we can issue a credit -- -- Katie. -You went to my high-school? No. -No. Then how do you know about -- -Then how do you know about -- -- You told me. --- You told me. What are you talking about? -Most nights you wake up crying. Never knowing why. Who are you?! -We worked together on the inside. You were on my programming team -- -- The inside? --- The inside? Night City. -Identical. One's you. One's digital. That's not possible. No one can do that. -That's not possible. No one can do that. Corporation can. -That's why they told you you can't go inside. They can't have you running into her. Her? -You said we were on the same programming team. Yes. -Yes. But I don't know anything about programming. -But I don't know anything about programming. Once they digitized you, they added it. -Why? It was a test. -It was a test. For what? -To see how long it would take for me to realize. Realize? -Realize? You weren't real. -And it meant something. Yes. -What? Way you kiss me. -I wasn't with you. I know. -I know. But you were with me. -But you were with me. Not you. A copy. -Not you. A copy. What's the difference? -I'm sorry. Sorry?! -Sorry?! There was no other choice. -Care to tell us how you came into possession of an illegal access program? Look, I'm doing mute 'till I have a mouthpiece here who's on my side. -Look, I'm doing mute 'till I have a mouthpiece here who's on my side. You don't need a lawyer. We found the program on your laptop. -Don't know what you're talking about. Of course you do. And the only shot you've got of keeping your ass from sinking in a sea of shit is to tell me where you got this program. -What's so funny? This. No point to it. -This. No point to it. Why not? -Why not? Because you'll never believe me. -Because you'll never believe me. Try me. -It was just there. There? -There? My uni-net account. I log on. The program's there. -My uni-net account. I log on. The program's there. Just like that? -Just like that? Just like that -- -Don't know what you're talking about. Of course you do. And the only shot you've got of keeping your ass from sinking in a sea of shit is to tell me where you got this program. -Voice activate. Activated. -Activated. Program name? -Program name? Resurrection. -Resurrection. Describe program function. -Transmit copy of program via satellite north uplink. Destination? -Destination? Tanner-eighteen-six-two-nine. -Tanner-eighteen-six-two-nine. Checking connection. -Connection approved. Ready to transmit -- -- Transmit now! -Access granted. Male or female? Male. -Male. Waiter, busboy, Maitre-De -- -Waiter, busboy, Maitre-De -- -- Waiter. -Standard, modern, upscale -- -- Standard. --- Standard. Scanning body type. -Program name? Resurrection. -Connect to public access. Access established. -Access established. Select uplink for Federal Communications Office. Department of Enforcement. -Select uplink for Federal Communications Office. Department of Enforcement. Uplink selected. -We've got him locked! Speed? -He's on us!! Wait a second... What time is it? -It's passing over earth as we speak! Trajectory coordinates are 009843. Billy, that's BRILLIANT! -Billy, that's BRILLIANT! We get Ivan into the Comets PATH-- -WE CAN'T BREAK FREE! IMPACT IN EIGHT SECONDS! -Alpha. Is there any way we can defeat this monster? Any way at all? ... Perhaps there is a way... I have heard tales of another power. -It's far too dangerous. Zordon would never allow it. If we don't try, Zordon won't survive! -Ay, yi, yi, yi. The legend speaks of a Master Warrior who lives on the planet Phaedos... This is the only person who knows the secrets of the power. How can we reach Phaedos? -Rangers... I'm afraid you're too late. What?! -What?! Zordon... he's gone. -Is this... food! They're called squirbs. -So how can we get to it? The only way to obtain the power is to achieve the highest state of being... -He wants to know if you'd like a cube of sugar in your tea. Ah... sure. -"In the language of the Nathadians, ""Nin"" stands for ""man"", ""jetti"" stands for ""animal"". Ninjetti - man and animal, together as one. Now, put your hands inside the flame." Yeah, right. -Yeah, right. It will not harm you. -Wow. Sand. Now tell me... what do you see? -Aisha, you are the Bear, stalwart and bold. Stylin'! -I heard that! I'll be at the Observatory Sunday. -... What's happening to him?' Outside of his time warp he's aging at a vastly acellerated rate! -I can hardly walk... I've never been this sore in my life. -We've come all this way for a rock wall?! There should be a way to open it. -Release the power with the power. I've got it! We use the mirrors to reflect the light back into itself!! -SYSTEM MALFUNCTION! OUR SEMI-CONDUCTORS ARE DOWN! -Anybody see anything? ... Let's take a look over there. -SABER TOOTH TIGER! WHITE TIGER! -Let's teach these vermin a few manners. Activating Power Beam! -That's pretty bad. Thank you, Dulcea. For everything. -Release the power WITH the power. What does that mean?! -1600 m.p.h. and increasing! Everybody hold on tight. We're gonna send this sucker into OBLIVION! -In a place that came to be known as Angel Grove. The chamber has been accidently UNCOVERED! You must return it to the depths. or anyone should open it and Ivan is released! -The chamber has been accidently UNCOVERED! You must return it to the depths. or anyone should open it and Ivan is released! To assist you I have retro-fitted your helmets with new Opti-Scan devices. -To assist you I have retro-fitted your helmets with new Opti-Scan devices. Use extreme caution, Rangers. You are dealing with an evil here that is beyond ALL comprehension. -Alpha, my sensors tell me the Rangers were too late! Ivan is on his way here! Hey, NOBODY enters the Command Center without a power coin! -... Alpha, I am deeply concerned about the Rangers... I told them it was too dangerous, but they wouldn't listen. -I told them it was too dangerous, but they wouldn't listen. ... We must try to communicate with them. -By bouncing ultra-high frequencies off one of the network satellites, I can send a long-range pulsar signal to within TWO FEET of the Rangers coordinates. ... I just pray we're not too late. -Ay, yi, yi! The Rangers are going to be CRUSHED! Don't lose hope yet, Alpha! -It is said that to those who possess the Power... all things are possible. Where did it originate? -Where did it originate? "In another time, another dimension. It was brought here long ago by the ""Nathadians"", a people who are now all but extinct. They built an impenetrable stone Monolith to store the power and keep it from their enemies. For thousands of years, beings from all over the Universe have tried to obtain it... ALL have perished." -I see... a fox Close. Billy, you are the Wolf, cunning and swift. -It is said that once you've reached the power... you have only ten triacs to release it. What's a Triac? -What's a Triac? About twenty seconds in your time. -PTERODACTYL! TRICERATOPS! -You okay? I think so. -I am the wolf, cunning and swift! I am the crane, agile and sublime! -Of course! The power is of another world. Another dimension. WE'VE GOT TEN TRIACS BEFORE WE'RE TOAST!! -NINJA CRANE ZORD! NINJA WOLF ZORD! -All systems go! This guy is messing with the wrong teenagers! -That's the only way to the Monolith... We can take these guys! -... Nothing. Release the power with the power. -NEW POWER COINS!! OUR MORPHERS ARE ON LINE! -Two thirty three a.m. Ryan's Comet!! -THREE DEGREES OFF THE COMETS TRAJECTORY! GIVE IT EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT! -009843... 42... 41! WE'RE IN ALIGNMENT! THERE'S THE COMET! -... Not bad. Listen, we appreciate your hospitality, but we really don't have much time. -Let's go after him!! Ultra Ninja Megazord complete! -I'm in! LET'S FLY! -IMPACT IN FIFTEEN SECONDS! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!! -FOUR SECONDS TO IMPACT! WE'RE OUTTA HERE! -The Stealth Eagle is about to fly. Ditto for the Swooping Swallow. -Be the eagle. Be the eagle. Be the swallow. Be the swallow... -The earth was hurtling toward us at seven hundred miles per hour, and we knew at that moment that we were facing death straight in the eye. We could smell it's breath. -Bulk... why don't we give Mr. Peep here a chance to think it over? A stellar idea, Skull. -Here you go! No pushing! There's enough for everybody! -Uh... that's classified, top secret, confidential, undercover information. If we told you -- we'd have to kill you. -There goes the neighborhood. A real shame. -SKULL!! BULK!! -And how do we do that? By learning the ancient art of Ninjetti. It is the Genesis of what you on earth have come to know as the Ninja. It is the perfect union of mind, body and spirit. -It's... an eagle? Look closer. -Look closer. ... A falcon? -... A falcon? Tommy, you are the Falcon, Winged Lord of the Sky. -And how do we release the power? The legend goes that you release the power with the power. -We never liked the cheesedongs in the first place. Couldn''t stand them -- low-class all the way. And did you catch a whiff of their BREATH?! It's like having a conversation with a couple of ONIONS! Not to mention... -Hey, boss! What kind of landing was that?! These clowns are a menace to the sky -As soon as we've taken over the world I'm gonna change my name to Sir Mordant. Or how about MAJOR Mordant?! How about Major Moron? -Just shut your gap! Did I say anything? -I'm outta here. Wait for me! -GET OFF ME! BUT I'M YOUR COUSIN! -BUT I'M YOUR COUSIN! SECOND COUSIN, THREE TIMES REMOVED. NOW GET OFF ME! -Taking over the world is one thing. It's finding good help to run it for you that's the killer. You want me to place a few calls? -No offense, boss, but they might find you a little disgusting. Yes, well, I suppose you'd know a little something about that. Not to worry. I'll ever so gently lure them in and mold them into an army of devils! And what better way to entice them ... than with a little Ivan's Ooze?! -But boss, what about their parents? Ah, the old and doddering. I'm going to SCOURGE their puny minds, reducing them to ZOMBIE'S. And then I'll put them to work rebuilding my empire. -Simon says... Quack like a'duck! -What! "You forgot to say 'Simon says.""" -THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN!!! GO IVAN!! -Mordant, go with them and report back to me! You know boss, I'd really like to help out but I've got this gastronomic condition which rules out all space trave-- -That's right. And then we threw one of them off a mountain and another one into a raqing river! So they've been destroyed? -"""Basically""." "What do you mean ""basically""?" -"What do you mean ""basically""?" Well... we were about to finish them off... when this huge monster came out of nowhere! -Did these sticks make a whistling sound? How'd you know? -How'd you know? Dulcea! That miserable, manipulating loathsome she-devil of a WITCH!! -What is THAT! Feast your eyes upon the exoskeleton of the barbaric HORNITOR! KEEP DIGGING. THE DREADFUL SCORPITRON SHOULD BE CLOSE BY. ONCE I HAVE MY ECTO-MORPHICON MACHINES UP AND RUNNING, I SHALL ANNIHILATE ANGEL GROVE... AND THEN... THE WORLD -Don't you ever have anything nice to say?! Well, if I did I certainly wouldn't say it to you! -Rrgh mmffpprr brghuh!! How dare you?! Nobody shuts up Rita but me! -Isn't this just TYPICAL! We finally do somebody a good turn and just look what happens! From now on it's E-V-I-L, NO exceptions! -I hope those Rangers put that lousy lowlife out of his misery! GO POWER RANGERS! -That was a CHEAP shot! We couldn't have done it better ourselves. -Anybody see them? Activating Power Scope! -How the heck?!... What's going on?! -Six become one... the combined forces of the Ninjetti. Strength in numbers!! -I am the mighty ape! And I am the Falcon, Winged Lord of the Sky! -THREE SECONDS!! LET'S DO IT!? -NINJA APE ZORD! NINJA FALCON ZORD! -There seems to be some confusion about your registration. I believe I can find you a place at the Ambassador. Many persons of the Jewish faith find it quite... I ain't no fuckin' kike! -I ain't no fuckin' kike! I'm sorry, sir. Our clientele is restricted to White Anglo-Saxons. -I'm sorry, sir. Our clientele is restricted to White Anglo-Saxons. And I ain't no nigger either! -And I ain't no nigger either! Sir, we do not use such names at our hotel. -You own a hotel, sir? The Bismark in Chicago. You familiar? -What you're sayin' makes a lotta sense. Ya know, if I keep on killin' people like I have, I won't have no more friends left! You've got the public upset, Al. -You've got the public upset, Al. But you know I never killed nobody that didn't deserve it. -But you know I never killed nobody that didn't deserve it. When the people get so upset, our politician friends gotta listen. -When the people get so upset, our politician friends gotta listen. What are ya tellin' me, Charlie? -We're asking you to go to prison. But I've never served a day. -But I've never served a day. If it wasn't important for everybody, we wouldn't ask. We got friends in Philly. They can send you up for a couple months on a weapons charge. -If it wasn't important for everybody, we wouldn't ask. We got friends in Philly. They can send you up for a couple months on a weapons charge. Awwh, Charlie. -Awwh, Charlie. Minimum security. You'll have everything but broads. -So Chicago's been good to ya. I do right by Johnny Torrio and he does right by me. -I do right by Johnny Torrio and he does right by me. Ya still owe me fifty bucks for the train ticket. -Ya still owe me fifty bucks for the train ticket. And a lot more. Can we talk? -Sure. What's with the brick wall? Since Colosimo bit it, I gotta keep an eye out for his friends. -One fuckin' year ago I had ta hit you up for train fare. Now I can buy the fuckin' train. And I ain't even a fuckin' Sicilian! But ya got a Boss. -But ya got a Boss. Torrio ain't like them guys. He thinks like an American. You'd like him, Charlie. He'd like you. -Torrio ain't like them guys. He thinks like an American. You'd like him, Charlie. He'd like you. Maybe. But he'd still be the Boss. -I'm Bobby Clowes. Kansas City. Charlie Luciano. -Charlie Luciano. You ever been near a meat packing plant? My father makes a couple million per, but the smell in his office is enough to make you puke. -You ever been near a meat packing plant? My father makes a couple million per, but the smell in his office is enough to make you puke. Got the same problem with my pop -- garlic. Nothin' you can do. -Got the same problem with my pop -- garlic. Nothin' you can do. The goddamned bastards. -The goddamned bastards. Tell me about it. -"I remember reading a poem in college. ""Sicily. Poor, noble isle...""." Poor, yeah. -Poor, yeah. But not you. -We have a commission. If there's a dispute over territory, the commission decides. Tell me something, Meyer. How can you get up at dawn to walk on the beach if you're on your honeymoon? -Tell me something, Meyer. How can you get up at dawn to walk on the beach if you're on your honeymoon? The commission don't decide how I spend my honeymoon. -The commission don't decide how I spend my honeymoon. Hey, I ignore my wife too. But on our honeymoon I paid attention. -Hey, I ignore my wife too. But on our honeymoon I paid attention. Boo-Boo. -Boo-Boo. Not another word. -Up here, Boss. That ain't exactly been the lucky spot lately. -That ain't exactly been the lucky spot lately. But from now on it's Lucky's spot. -Maybe you better hear what I got to say first. Whatever you say, Boss. -Whatever you say, Boss. No, Al. Whatever we say. We're all Bosses here. We don' need another. -Why should you be payin' me when we're all equals? You scare me, Charlie. -You scare me, Charlie. Maybe that's why I'm the Boss. -Are you frightened? Why should I be? -I had everything. Once. So what happened? -So what happened? Life knocked me back. -Life knocked me back. I came into this world flat on my ass. -I came into this world flat on my ass. And now you have everything. -And now you have everything. No. Not everything. -No. Not everything. Up down. Down up. It's the same. You see things through both eyes. -Up down. Down up. It's the same. You see things through both eyes. I guess I am. Just a little. -I guess I am. Just a little. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Scared. -When my money moves, I go with it. I trust Mr. Johnson filled you in on the revisions. -Scotch is a very valuable commodity these days. Mr. Rothstein, Can I be frank? You're a gambler, and I know you've had losses. I also know you could sell to Maranzano or Masseria for fifty G's, but nobody sells to those guys once. So if ya really got another buyer, and ya wanna welch, I ain't gonna beef. -I ain't mad. I ain't even surprised. But I can't let ya fuck me. On the other hand, if ya got needs beyond the thirty-five, I'll advance it to you against our next deal on the same terms. Could we step outside? -I got my partner in there! I cannot bear to look at that hideous suit one minute more. -Their asses are here, but their fuckin' heads are still in Sicily. Precisely. We are the true entrepreneurs, and Prohibition is the greatest opportunity we shall ever have. America is begging to be taken like an overripe virgin, but they're still fighting over the crumbs of Little Italy. -Precisely. We are the true entrepreneurs, and Prohibition is the greatest opportunity we shall ever have. America is begging to be taken like an overripe virgin, but they're still fighting over the crumbs of Little Italy. We'll start small. When we got 'em lined up, we increase the supply a bit at a time. Only sell the best stuff. And keep the price high, 'cause ya know how folks hate the taste of cheap booze. -We'll start small. When we got 'em lined up, we increase the supply a bit at a time. Only sell the best stuff. And keep the price high, 'cause ya know how folks hate the taste of cheap booze. An intelligent plan, Mr. Luciano, but listen to me well. It can be ruined in a single careless moment. Keep your feet on the ground and your high opinion of yourself under your hat. -An intelligent plan, Mr. Luciano, but listen to me well. It can be ruined in a single careless moment. Keep your feet on the ground and your high opinion of yourself under your hat. Don't worry. I got friends to take care of that. -When the stiff's an Irish, the cops take it kinda personal. Can't we get a couple whores over? -Four-twenty-eight. What's that divided four ways? -Tommy Reina. Good pal. Better partner. From your mouth ta God's ear. -From your mouth ta God's ear. He's got a line on the good stuff. -We could lose the deal! If we have to. -They told me you wanted to talk about this Shane business. You havin' any luck findin' out who did him? -You havin' any luck findin' out who did him? Shane was a friend of yours? -Shane was a friend of yours? He was around... -He was around... Lad, I'm a busy man. July's always a big month for murder. Fella named Barone turned up just this mornin', throat cut ear to ear. Black Hand. -Lad, I'm a busy man. July's always a big month for murder. Fella named Barone turned up just this mornin', throat cut ear to ear. Black Hand. When you're investigatin', how long ya keep at it? -When you're investigatin', how long ya keep at it? It consoles the bereaved family ta see the perpetrator take his load of juice. We try to oblige. -It consoles the bereaved family ta see the perpetrator take his load of juice. We try to oblige. But if ya can't catch the guys... -But Maranzano's got the men and the brains. Which is why he doesn't need us. -Bastard didn't even show. He's hidin'. Word's out Tommy Reina's goin' over ta Maranzano. -He's hidin'. Word's out Tommy Reina's goin' over ta Maranzano. Get word to Maranzano. I want a meet. Alone. On neutral turf. -Masseria's confused. He can't figure whether you're workin' for Maranzano, or gettin' ready to kill the bastard. So he's spreadin' the word that you're goin' after Profaci because it happened on his turf. I figure Masseria's gonna try to rub out Profaci, and pin it on us. Then Maranzano will have to kill ya. You got men on Profaci's place? -You got men on Profaci's place? We got our boys paintin' the house next door. Around the clock. We're gonna keep old man Profaci alive if it takes twenty coats. -Masseria's tryin' ta find a way around ya. But his patience won't hold out much longer. How's Bugsy doin'? -How's Bugsy doin'? Tommy Reina's hauntin' his dreams. But he'll do his job. -Mad Dog Coll's in town on a job. Who hired the bastard? -Who hired the bastard? Maranzano. Ta ice you. -How much longer we gotta be shut up in this fuckin' sweatbox? Long as Charlie says. -You ain't even a man yet. That ain't what your mama said. -Where'd ya get this funny ravioli? Ya ignorant Guinea, it's kreplach. -No disrespect, Tommy, but why would Mr. Arnold Rothstein wanna do business with bums like us? Why ya always gotta go lookin' for a gift in the mouth of the horse? -I think Maranzano's talkin' a hell of a deal. Sure, Frankie. Fuck me. Fuck Meyer. Fuck Arnold Rothstein who's made us all rich. All so you can be an fuckin' honorary Sicilian! -Sure, Frankie. Fuck me. Fuck Meyer. Fuck Arnold Rothstein who's made us all rich. All so you can be an fuckin' honorary Sicilian! Does Maranzano have to kiss you on the lips before you'll take his goddamn money? -Does Maranzano have to kiss you on the lips before you'll take his goddamn money? If he's gonna fuck me up the ass! -The deal's too good, Frankie What are ya thinkin', Charlie? -A hundred-seven bucks too much. Any kid who drops an extra dime is gonna be talkin' to Moliari. Ya mean we're so rich we're broke? -Well... Mr. Costello handles our business with the government agencies. -Mr. Costello handles our business with the government agencies. That's it. -I'm sorry, but I sleep better when I know I'm with the winning side. We're gonna be the winning side. It's like Rothstein said about that guy in Austria. We're gonna use Maranzano and Masseria. Let 'em knock each other bloody. And then, when everybody's screamin' for peace, we step in to make it. What they're fight in' over, everybody will beg us to take. -We're gonna be the winning side. It's like Rothstein said about that guy in Austria. We're gonna use Maranzano and Masseria. Let 'em knock each other bloody. And then, when everybody's screamin' for peace, we step in to make it. What they're fight in' over, everybody will beg us to take. I thought we just wanted to be left alone to run our business. -Inside, they were talking of you. I can just imagine. -I can just imagine. No. They envy you. -No. They envy you. For being a bootlegger? -For being a bootlegger? For being a man. -You here with Bobby? No. I'm here with you. -What's the matter? I must be going. -Come on. It's Christmas. At least stay for breakfast. I'm already late. -I'm already late. For what? -Luciano. I was calling yesterday. -I was calling yesterday. Something came up. -Something came up. I needed to see you again. -I needed to see you again. Same here. -Same here. You're sure? -Why do you bother with perfume when you smell like this? It's a mask. -It's a mask. You got something to hide? -You got something to hide? It's too late. -It's too late. Have you thought about this? -Have you thought about this? Why? You're the innocent one. -Why? You're the innocent one. Guess I'm too confused to think. -You could have stopped him. Ya never tell a guy about a broad. -Ya never tell a guy about a broad. So you all make the same mistakes? -So you all make the same mistakes? Gives us something in common. -I booked passage to London. London? -London? My friends have a country house we can use for a while. -If I look weak now, it's over. I'm very sorry... I didn't... -I'm very sorry... I didn't... Oh, God. Don't start actin' like a fuckin' wife on me. -A lot of shit came out of me in the hospital. I'm sorry you got hit by it. You must be feeling better, if you're looking for sex again. -Would it be painful for you? It always is. -Charlie? I'm doin' business here! -I'm doin' business here! But there's... -I'm gonna lose you, Charlie. It'll all be over tomorrow. No more wars. No more killin'. Just livin' normal like everybody else. You'll be stuck with me for good. -Charlie! I do this for you, and you'll leave me and my guys alone. Be the fuckin' Boss of all the other Bosses, but we are gonna be our own Bosses. -Come on, Charlie. We gotta have a top guy. Otherwise these wars ain't never gonna stop. As long as ya got one top Boss, somebody else's always gonna be looking to knock him off. And that's war on top of war. -As long as ya got one top Boss, somebody else's always gonna be looking to knock him off. And that's war on top of war. Who'll make the rules? -Who'll make the rules? We'll make 'em, and we'll enforce 'em. All of us. Together. We all get one vote. Includin' me. -We'll make 'em, and we'll enforce 'em. All of us. Together. We all get one vote. Includin' me. Charlie, I'm from the old country, and these American ways get me sometimes confused. You tellin' us you refuse the title of Boss of All the Bosses? -Charlie, I'm from the old country, and these American ways get me sometimes confused. You tellin' us you refuse the title of Boss of All the Bosses? "I don't care what anybody calls me, Joe. Long as it ain't to dirty. And if you fellas get together every year and say, ""Charlie, we still want you to run things for us"", I ain't gonna insult ya by sayin' no." -Julius Caesar never took no vote. And maybe that's why he ended up dead in the streets of Rome. -You fellas got names? Lansky. Meyer Lansky. And that's Bugsy Siegel ya got there. -Meyer just finished the books. A million bucks. In the last six months. -Bugsy, you and I don't need to be in business with Maranzano. We got more jobs than we can handle. That's not the problem. So what is the problem? -So what is the problem? The minute we sell out to Maranzano, that bastard is gonna have you knocked off. -We'll figure out something. I'm supposed to be at my old man's for Christmas dinner at eight. -At least Masseria plays by the rules. Maranzano thinks he's God, and the rules don't apply. Without us, Masseria don't stand a chance, and he knows it. -Meyer. It's nothin'. I'm gettin' married. -It's nothin'. I'm gettin' married. Married? To Anna? You ain't got her in trouble? -Married? To Anna? You ain't got her in trouble? No. We ain't even... -No. We ain't even... Well, good. Woman like that you don't have to keep an eye on. -Well, good. Woman like that you don't have to keep an eye on. Guess I'm not a single type guy. -Guess I'm not a single type guy. Whatta ya mean? It's great! -We're going to Atlantic City for the honeymoon. I'll talk to Nucky. Get you set up like the fuckin' Prince of Wales. -I'll talk to Nucky. Get you set up like the fuckin' Prince of Wales. I been thinkin'... -I been thinkin'... Good. 'Cause every time you start thinkin', we end up makin' money. -Good. 'Cause every time you start thinkin', we end up makin' money. We need to put together a meet for the whole country. We all got the same problems. We could talk. Meet the guys we don't know. Lift a few with the guys we do. -We need to put together a meet for the whole country. We all got the same problems. We could talk. Meet the guys we don't know. Lift a few with the guys we do. Like a party for all our friends. -Like a party for all our friends. Italians, Jews, Irish. One big party. Course, some guys don't get along. -Like Don Maranzano. And if we don't invite Maranzano, we can't invite Masseria. Guys don't wanna be choosin' sides. -And if we don't invite Maranzano, we can't invite Masseria. Guys don't wanna be choosin' sides. I'll handle the Boss. -I'll handle the Boss. So we end up with everybody but the two Bosses, at our meet. We ain't sayin' we're the leaders, but we're leadin'. -So we end up with everybody but the two Bosses, at our meet. We ain't sayin' we're the leaders, but we're leadin'. How soon can we pull this off? -How soon can we pull this off? I'm gettin' married in six weeks. I'll already be in Atlantic City which is probably the best place to do it anyway. -Your honeymoon, Meyer? Might as well put the time to use. -After all this time I'd think you'd know me better, Meyer. It's not myself I'm worried about. -It's not myself I'm worried about. I'll do fine. -You're getting' 10 cc's I told you twenty! -You bastards, I said twenty! It'll just be a few minutes. -It'll just be a few minutes. I NEED THE TWENTY! -Tommy Reina's gone over to Maranzano, but so far Masseria ain't lifted a finger, The fat man's scared. Scared of us, and scared without us. Same with Maranzano. We gotta get their minds back on each other. This fuckin' peace is killin' us. -The fat man's scared. Scared of us, and scared without us. Same with Maranzano. We gotta get their minds back on each other. This fuckin' peace is killin' us. We can get the war started tomorrow, but it won't be pretty. -We can get the war started tomorrow, but it won't be pretty. Who? -Who? Tommy Reina. -Meyer, ain't anybody ever told you ya look more like a bookkeeper than a fuckin' mobster? What's your problem? -What's your problem? It's just that Maranzano's the only bastard I ever heard brag about gettin' audited by the IRS. He came out clean, so he thinks his shit don't stink. -It's just that Maranzano's the only bastard I ever heard brag about gettin' audited by the IRS. He came out clean, so he thinks his shit don't stink. Is there a fuckin' point comin' up anytime soon? -Is there a fuckin' point comin' up anytime soon? Seein' he loved the experience so much, I think we outta give him the pleasure again. -Yeah. So who the fuck does? Come on. Tell us, Shitface. -Come off it, Bugs. Come off it, Bugs. -Come off it, Bugs. Ben-jamin. -We got exactly two choices, Maranzano or Masseria. They don't give a shit about us! -What you mean? Tommy ain't done nothin'. Maranzano will think Masseria ordered the hit, and won't have no choice but to start the war. -Maranzano will think Masseria ordered the hit, and won't have no choice but to start the war. Why's it gotta be Tommy! -Why's it gotta be Tommy! Masseria won't have any choice but to trust you. And as long as we keep the Boss alive, Maranzano can't win without you. -We're gonna change it, Bugs. Once we get rid of the Dons, the Commission's gonna rule. No more wars. No more vendettas. No more Boss of All the Bosses. Yeah. And no more Tommy Reina. -If ever I need a Boss, Joe. Yeah. Yeah. I bet ya feed Maranzano that same line. -I like that. Whatta ya mean, Boss? -Whatta ya mean, Boss? Ya piss like a man. -I'm glad ya come. What's with the banquet? This is supposed to be a private meet. -What's with the banquet? This is supposed to be a private meet. It's only us and Sonny. Hey, Sonny. Come on out. -You boys carryin' pieces? You tryin' ta tell me something? I don't come to a meet with a weapon unless it's with an enemy. -You tryin' ta tell me something? I don't come to a meet with a weapon unless it's with an enemy. See if these two are my friends. -You're a smart boy, Charlie, but there's somethin' you ain't learned yet. A man needs a family. I know. When the storm hits, it don't pay to be caught outside. -I know. When the storm hits, it don't pay to be caught outside. I got a place for you. In my family... or in the cemetery. -I got a place for you. In my family... or in the cemetery. Never threaten me, Boss. -This business is about taking risks. Calculated risks. But Boss, this one don't calculate. -Tommy tells me that Capone's coming in from Chicago. He's trying to make it. -He's trying to make it. He'll think something's wrong I ain't there. -He'll think something's wrong I ain't there. He'll know you were smart enough to stay away, Boss. -He'll know you were smart enough to stay away, Boss. What the fuck does that mean? -What the fuck does that mean? You know that if you come, we gotta invite Maranzano. -You know that if you come, we gotta invite Maranzano. So fuck him. I don't care anymore. Let him come. -So fuck him. I don't care anymore. Let him come. So he can talk to all the families behind your back? Maybe have his own meet at 3:00 AM under the goddamn boardwalk? No. You're too smart for a sucker play. -Where we headed? Wassa matter, Mr. Big Shot. Don't have time for my business no more? -Wassa matter, Mr. Big Shot. Don't have time for my business no more? Boss, I got all the time you need. -Boss, I got all the time you need. I know about you. -And what went on your little party in Atlantic City. I got ears. That little party's gonna make you a lotta money. -That little party's gonna make you a lotta money. MONEY DON'T MEAN SHIT! -MONEY DON'T MEAN SHIT! Didn't know you felt that way. -You and Vito are gonna pull that payroll job. Right now. You gotta plan these things. -You gotta plan these things. And I got it all planned. -If I wanted ta kill ya, I woulda done it long ago. It's not like you ain't given me reason. I'm still the Boss of All the Bosses! And you'll do what I say! -I'm still the Boss of All the Bosses! And you'll do what I say! So tell me when I ain't done it. -So tell me when I ain't done it. How can I trust you when you look at me like that? -How can I trust you when you look at me like that? You got no fuckin' choice. You might be able to stay alive, but you're never gonna win the war from these fuckin' rat holes. -You got no fuckin' choice. You might be able to stay alive, but you're never gonna win the war from these fuckin' rat holes. Tell me, Charlie. Please. -Tell me, Charlie. Please. Why should I go against you, Boss? Nobody can handle this business like you. Maranzano'll never know the crap that you forget. He's got no business bein' Boss. The idea makes me wanna puke. You're the Boss, an it's gonna stay that way. -What are ya thinkin'? Joe Profaci. Carlo Gambino. Vinnie Mangano. Joe Bananas. They all gotta die. -Joe Profaci. Carlo Gambino. Vinnie Mangano. Joe Bananas. They all gotta die. You can't fuck with them. They're heads of families! -You can't fuck with them. They're heads of families! They're friends of our enemy. -They're friends of our enemy. Take one of 'em out, and they'll all line up against us. -Take one of 'em out, and they'll all line up against us. Not if they all die at once. -Every successor will owe his loyalty to us. Together we take out Maranzano, and each family gets a piece of his operation. A mother-fuckin' peace conference. -We gotta talk in private. I got a friend in Coney Island who's gonna open his restaurant just for us. But that's an hour's drive. -But that's an hour's drive. Lobster Fra Diavolo. Spaghetti with red clam sauce. Antipasto. And pastry that'll make you wanna go home and slap your sweet mama. -Ya did good. I ain't seen the Boss so happy in weeks. Look at this boy. He hardly eats. Like that fella killed Caesar. -When ya got all that blood workin' in your belly, it ain't upstairs where it needs to be. The kid just called me stupid. -The kid just called me stupid. Not stupid. Fat. -Not stupid. Fat. Shit. When I was comin' up, bein' fat meant ya had somethin' ta eat. Guy looked like you, people felt sorry for 'em. Right, Gerardo? -Sure. But ya got a deck a cards? I wanna play some Klob. Come on, Charlie. We got business. -Come on, Charlie. We got business. Couple hands. No harm in it. -One move pardner, and you're a dead man. You can't kill me. You gave your word, Charlie. -You can't kill me. You gave your word, Charlie. So? I'll get Bugs ta do it. -Don Maranzano. Welcome. I've heard so much about this club of yours. I had to come and see. -I've heard so much about this club of yours. I had to come and see. Good liquor draws a good crowd. -Good liquor draws a good crowd. I must know more of you, my son. -I must know more of you, my son. Not a lot ta know. -Then perhaps you need to know me. Don, I'd be honored. -Salvatore. My young Caesar. First me, Sallie. Then you. The name's Charlie. -Mussolini is raping Sicily like every Roman before him. So our brothers are coming to America. Soldiers willing to fight and die. Men who know the meaning of honor. Don, you talk about honor, but you mean vendetta. Killin' an' more killin' until nobody can remember how it all started. -And how many soldiers do you have? I've got friends. -I've got friends. I have six hundred. Soldiers. And more every week off the boat. -I have six hundred. Soldiers. And more every week off the boat. An' Masseria's got seven hundred. -He's an animal! He's the Boss of all the Bosses, and I respect him. -The Internal Revenue came to my offices. I turned over all my ledgers. They found nothing. Charlie, I am a businessman. Sittin' around gives me the piles. You got a proposition? -We combine everything. You are my second in command. What about the share. -What about the share. You get fifteen percent. -You get fifteen percent. I got partners. -I got partners. Your Calabrian friend, I will accept. At least Costello eats pasta like us. -Your Calabrian friend, I will accept. At least Costello eats pasta like us. And the Jews? -And the Jews? Share with them as you wish. Do business with them on your own. But no filthy Jew will ever be a brother to me. -Tell me, my son. Why did you go with Giuseppe? He's not our kind. I found that out. -I found that out. We learn from life. -We learn from life. That's why I'm here. -That's why I'm here. Coming with me will be a delicate matter. We will work it out. But Charlie... -Conditions have changed. Some people have become too powerful. I'll take care of the Boss. -If you give him the chance, Lansky will betray you like Judas. I don't fuck my partners. -I don't fuck my partners. No worry, Charlie. I will kill them for you. No one will know. -At first, it will hurt you. But you will come to understand and we will be strong together. You're fuckin' crazy. You're all fuckin' crazy! -Even the beasts of the earth know who rightfully reigns. They do what I tell 'em. -They do what I tell 'em. Salvatore. Always holding himself above. -Salvatore. Always holding himself above. You and me both. Sal-va-to-re. -We must be friends, Charlie. Keep my terms and I won't be your enemy. -Keep my terms and I won't be your enemy. The terms will be mine. -The terms will be mine. The guy doin' the job names the price. If you don't like it, you can kill Masseria yourself. -The guy doin' the job names the price. If you don't like it, you can kill Masseria yourself. I will be the Boss of All Bosses. -I will be the Boss of All Bosses. What makes you think I give a damn about that Sicilian crap? -Tell it to the Calabrian. Tell it to the Jews. You disrespect our tradition. -You disrespect our tradition. Boss, we got our own tradition. We call it treatin' your friends right, and not bein' a pig for every scrap of glory. -Forget it. That's past. No matter what you say to me Salvatore, you are my bambino. -Why didn't you tell me that Maranzano had made you an offer? I turned him down flat. -And if I had known, I would have warned you to expect this. We could have prepared. Masseria's been after me too. -Masseria's been after me too. Thank you for keeping me informed. -Thank you for keeping me informed. We were overdue to get hit. -We were overdue to get hit. You think this is a coincidence? Next week half your customers will be buying their Scotch, our Scotch, from Maranzano. In a month, he'll be in Scotland talking to my distillers, because you can't move product. I'll be out of business, and you'll be working for Maranzano. -You think this is a coincidence? Next week half your customers will be buying their Scotch, our Scotch, from Maranzano. In a month, he'll be in Scotland talking to my distillers, because you can't move product. I'll be out of business, and you'll be working for Maranzano. We can operate around these guys. -We can operate around these guys. Not by scurrying around like a puppies in a roomful of elephants. -Not by scurrying around like a puppies in a roomful of elephants. Okay. I'm listening. -Okay. I'm listening. A hundred years ago Austria was run by a prince named Metternich. Austria was weak, and it's neighbors were strong. But they were ruled by passionate men, while Metternich was ruthless and brilliant. If one country got too strong, he rallied an alliance against it. He would lead all of Europe to the brink of war, then bring the enemies together and forge the peace. -Strategy. Talk English. Okay? I did lousy at school. -Talk English. Okay? I did lousy at school. The Big Picture. -The Big Picture. That's just what I'm sick of. Everybody lookin' ta knock somebody off! Greedy for what you got. A bunch of fuckin' hogs at the trough. -That's just what I'm sick of. Everybody lookin' ta knock somebody off! Greedy for what you got. A bunch of fuckin' hogs at the trough. So change it. -Bring order out of chaos. If you lead... they'll follow. And what do you want out of this? -And what do you want out of this? A peaceful and prosperous retirement. -Know somethin'? This stuff's just kick-the-can on ponies. Shuddup. -Shuddup. Wanna know what I think? -Wanna know what I think? Spare us. -Spare us. I think these rich shits -- no offense Bobby -- are so dead below the waist that they gotta ride around all day swingin' at each other ta get their broads hot. -Those fucks can't leave each other alone. Maranzano and Masseria ain't gonna be satisfied until one of 'em starts a war. Let 'em kill each other off! Why should we care? -Let 'em kill each other off! Why should we care? There won't be any way to stay out of it. -Where's the stiff? Come on. Be polite. -Sorry, Charlie. I gotta get my Johnson worked tonight. Jesus. -Jesus. Hell. It's been four days! -Forget it. Fuck 'em. -Johnson's still on board. Even Maranzano won't screw with Nucky in Atlantic City. But everywhere else, we got nothing but problems. I'll knock 'em in, Charlie. I can do it. Blow his fuckin' head off. Get rid of the bastard for good. -I'll knock 'em in, Charlie. I can do it. Blow his fuckin' head off. Get rid of the bastard for good. You wouldn't live out the week. -Masseria's scared. He might make our deal. We can't sell out to those guys. They ain't businessmen! -So we're gonna knock 'em both off? If it comes to that. Yeah. -Maranzano wants you dead. Yeah. But he needs me alive. -Everybody's talkin' about ya, Charlie. First time anybody ever got took for a ride and lived. Guess I'm just lucky. -Guess I'm just lucky. That's just what they're calling ya pal. Lucky Luciano. -I'm a hard guy. I done more jobs than alla you combined. And I never said no. Not once. But dammit I don't understand why the hell we gotta kill our friends! Because the world ain't big enough for the Dons. So we gotta choose between our friends and ourselves. It ain't the way I'd make the world, but that's the way it is. -Yes? I'm comin' for my twenty thousand. -I'm comin' for my twenty thousand. Luciano is dead? -Luciano is dead? Open a window. Every newsboy in town's screamin' about it. -What a cozy little scene. Kill them! Kill them! -Kill them! Kill them! What's it worth to ya, Boss? -What's it worth to ya, Boss? Anything! -Anything! Anything ain't a very hard number. -Anything ain't a very hard number. One hundred thousand. No... three hundred thousand. -One hundred thousand. No... three hundred thousand. Now that's a hard number. -Jeez, Bugsy. Ya like ta scared the crap outta me. Just wanted ta say hello. -Know something Tommy? You're a mensch. That a Jew compliment? -That a Jew compliment? Best we got. -Best we got. Awww... deep down I'm a bastard, but when ya got eight kids ya can't make enemies. -Awww... deep down I'm a bastard, but when ya got eight kids ya can't make enemies. Guess so. Ya got a minute? I got somethin' for ya. -Take any one ya like. Kinda early for Christmas, Bugs. -Kinda early for Christmas, Bugs. A Jew's gotta let his heart tell him when ta give his presents. -You're fuckin' crazy. But only on purpose, Tommy. -But only on purpose, Tommy. This is nice. I mean it. -Now don't pick a fight. I'm staying over. Oh, poor Buster. He hasn't been fed in a day and a half. Let me get some food... -Special occasion? I don't know. I guess it was... -Who did this? Stu. That was right about the time we met. -Stu. That was right about the time we met. When he first came in to the sleep lab? -When he first came in to the sleep lab? Yeah...before your time. -Jesus, honey...he always joked about you curing him, but I never realized what you cured him from. He hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in years. The nightmares would wake him up, and he'd start right in painting... That boy looked like pluperfect hell. -How do you get from here - to there? Switch hands. -Switch hands. What? -What? I'm serious. It was bicameral disjunction - right brain and left brain out of balance. He was a rightie, so I made him switch the pencil to his left hand. Just to see what'd come out. -Monkeybone? Left-handed, he was funny. He'd been doing all this scary, intense work...then he found out he could draw this stuff, and make me laugh, and he liked that. And then the nightmares just...stopped. -Left-handed, he was funny. He'd been doing all this scary, intense work...then he found out he could draw this stuff, and make me laugh, and he liked that. And then the nightmares just...stopped. Wow - two guys in the same brain. - Which one did you fall in love with? -What's the maximum safe dose? Most we've ever used is half a CC. -Most we've ever used is half a CC. Five CC's. -The thing is, I'm responsible for the way he's acting. It's the nightmare juice. It's got to be. Julie, that stuff probably saved his life. -Julie, that stuff probably saved his life. I can't explain this, Alice, but I'm not so sure it did. It's as if...he's not Stu any more. The Stu I love is gone! He spends all his time in the garage. He says he's...autographing. -"""4/17: Subject, when unaware of observation, prefers to hold eating utensils...with feet. Successfully carves turkey roll holding eating utensils...with feet.""" They had a case like that at Johns Hopkins. Wires got crossed between hands and feet. -Chasing me - animals - horrible - Animals? What kind of animals? -Yeah, I know - Picasso. Guernica, right? That's what everybody says - although personally, I don't see the resemblance. What are you drinking? Uhh - martini? -Uhh - martini? Olive or eyeball? -Olive or eyeball? Olive. - Where exactly am I? -Olive. - Where exactly am I? Dark Town. Land of nightmares. I'm Bull. -Dark Town. Land of nightmares. I'm Bull. Stu Miley. -Stu Miley. Yeah, I've seen a few of your dreams. You're quite a celebrity down here. -Jeez, it all looks like bad late-night cable. Sad commentary, huh? - I beg your pardon? I didn't say anything. -I was, uh, just getting ready to leave... Yo, Jumbo. We got us some kind of ventriloquist here. -Hey, Stu, why so glum? Everybody loves a good humiliation nightmare. Three months, Bull. Three months tonight. Three months since the accident - and I'm no closer to going home than I was then. -Three months, Bull. Three months tonight. Three months since the accident - and I'm no closer to going home than I was then. Aw, buck up. Have another 'tini. -Aw, buck up. Have another 'tini. I'm sick of martinis. I'm sick of the waiting, and the carnival rides, and watching people's nightmares. And of course, I need not add - -You're mad at me. Great. You have every right to be. But we're both mad at Dark Town. We're both mad at Hypnos. Oh, sure. Now you're gonna tell me it was all his idea. You were completely innocent - -Oh, sure. Now you're gonna tell me it was all his idea. You were completely innocent - I'm not going to tell you that. I wanted that E- ticket. I wanted it so bad I'd stare you right in the face to get it - and I'd do the same again. -I'm not going to tell you that. I wanted that E- ticket. I wanted it so bad I'd stare you right in the face to get it - and I'd do the same again. Why?? -Why?? I have a girl up there. And I never - I should've - I just want to tell her I love her. -I have a girl up there. And I never - I should've - I just want to tell her I love her. I'm a simple man. I'm just doing my job. I enjoy my job. Why does everyone want to make it difficult for me? Stealing tickets, switching bodies...it is so irresponsible. -I'm a simple man. I'm just doing my job. I enjoy my job. Why does everyone want to make it difficult for me? Stealing tickets, switching bodies...it is so irresponsible. Death, I'm trying to make things right. Take my soul. Turn me into a paper doll. But give me just one lousy hour. -Death, I'm trying to make things right. Take my soul. Turn me into a paper doll. But give me just one lousy hour. Well - you'd need a body. -If it wasn't for that comic strip of yours, I wouldn't be doing this. But a good chuckle is darned hard to come by. That one where Monkeybone stole the soap cake out of the urinal - I thought I would die. Coming from you, that's quite a compliment. -Coming from you, that's quite a compliment. De nada. Now, come here...bend over...before I change my mind. -De nada. Now, come here...bend over...before I change my mind. Bend over? -DEATH!! I dress up when I want to make an impression. - So how'd it go? -I dress up when I want to make an impression. - So how'd it go? Fine, thanks. Saw my girl, said goodbye, everything's gonna be okay. I guess I'm yours now. -Hey. Where's Monkeybone? Back in your head, where he belongs. No offense, Stu, but on your own you're kinda vanilla. I didn't want to send you back without him. -Back in your head, where he belongs. No offense, Stu, but on your own you're kinda vanilla. I didn't want to send you back without him. Back? You're sending me back? -Back? You're sending me back? "It's irregular, but...I just love that strip of yours. I figure I'll take the ""Family Circus"" guy instead." -"It's irregular, but...I just love that strip of yours. I figure I'll take the ""Family Circus"" guy instead." Death! Thank you! -Death! Thank you! Thank me next time you see me. -Vital signs have stabilized. That's good. Can you give us a realistic sense of my brother's chances? -Can you give us a realistic sense of my brother's chances? He's held on this far. We can't do much but wait and see. -He's held on this far. We can't do much but wait and see. But these...machines are what's keeping him alive, is that right? -At the moment, yes. Can you give me a realistic idea...of how long this is going to last? -Can you give me a realistic idea...of how long this is going to last? Comas are unpredictable. He could wake up today, tomorrow, a month from now... -Comas are unpredictable. He could wake up today, tomorrow, a month from now... Honey, I have to clarify this. The thing is, Dr. Edelstein, my brother has an absolute horror of doctors - hospitals - needles - all of it - -Three months. There's always some brain damage. But at three months...the chances of coming back shrink dramatically with every day. I want him to have every chance, Doctor. We can certainly give it...three months. -What's the matter? I think it's a pig hair. How much is McDonald's offering? -I think it's a pig hair. How much is McDonald's offering? Less. -Oh, here's something. The city zoo is kicking off a fund-raising campaign. They wonder if you'd be willing to appear at a benefit. How much? -How much? Well, nothing. It's a benefit. But we could probably get People and Entertainment Tonight to cover it. -Well, nothing. It's a benefit. But we could probably get People and Entertainment Tonight to cover it. I get it. We could give the public the impression that we were doing something... charitable. Brilliant!! -I get it. We could give the public the impression that we were doing something... charitable. Brilliant!! And last...you remember Bill here, from the Bazoom Toy Company? He's got a little something I think you'll like. -You're really gonna pop the question? Got the ring. Got the airline tickets. Soon as they break that piñata, we'll grab a cab - and it's off to the land of palm trees and coconuts. -Got the ring. Got the airline tickets. Soon as they break that piñata, we'll grab a cab - and it's off to the land of palm trees and coconuts. I can't believe you. You used to hate being the center of attention. Now you're proposing, in public, at a benefit. -I can't believe you. You used to hate being the center of attention. Now you're proposing, in public, at a benefit. Yeah, I was thinking...I mean, I'm a celebrity now, do I really want to get married? But on the other hand, if you're married, they can't testify against you. -Sorry, Julie - won't be a minute. Now Stu - I know you don't like the idea, but you really ought to talk to these guys - Julie and I - we were just gonna go... -Go? There's a potload of money here, pal. You got three major toy companies...you got the guys from Burger God over here... Burger God. The ones that found the pig hair in the french fries? -Burger God. The ones that found the pig hair in the french fries? Never proven. They're ready to pop for a pre- emptive endorsement. Kids love Burger God - -Herb, it's too much. It's all out of hand. Do you know what kind of opportunity you have here? You gotta strike. I'm talking mansions. Lamborghinis. Champagne for mouthwash when you brush your teeth! -Do you know what kind of opportunity you have here? You gotta strike. I'm talking mansions. Lamborghinis. Champagne for mouthwash when you brush your teeth! I don't want to be rich. It's just a trap! -I don't want to be rich. It's just a trap! Being rich is not a trap. That is a dirty lie perpetuated by rich people to keep the failures from killing them. -Being rich is not a trap. That is a dirty lie perpetuated by rich people to keep the failures from killing them. Herb. I have to go. -Herb. I have to go. Why? -Why? I got the ring. Tonight's the night, Herb. Tonight's the night. -Oh my God...you're proposing? My life was totally crappy, Herb, and she... fixed it. She made me happy. Which I'd never been. She loves me the way I am - right now. I don't want everything to change. I don't want her saying yes to some big success. I just want her saying yes to me. -My life was totally crappy, Herb, and she... fixed it. She made me happy. Which I'd never been. She loves me the way I am - right now. I don't want everything to change. I don't want her saying yes to some big success. I just want her saying yes to me. ...In some weird way I respect that. -So here's my idea. We do a giveaway at the zoo benefit. We get a big piñata. We fill it with Monkeybone dolls - hundreds of 'em. A piñata. That's a great idea! -Holy shit. He's stuck in a loop - a nightmare loop. Anybody here know what Oneirix is? -No. I want to give him more. I want to give him a massive dose. That's not going to stop his nightmare - -That's not going to stop his nightmare - I don't want to stop the nightmare, Hutch. I want to crank it up. I want to take it right off the charts. I want to scare him awake. -You know, Julie, even if this works - which it probably won't - that stuff is tricky. You don't know what it'll do to his brain. What'll it do if they pull the plug? -The Nightmare Juice! It's gone! Somebody switched it for a beaker of grape Kool-Aid!! Kool-Aid!? But who'd would want to - -Wait a minute. Stu Miley, right? Boys and girls ...Mr. Stu Miley, in the house! This is an honor. We see a lot of nightmares down here, but yours are like caviar, man. You da shits!! Mr. Hypnos, I saw a dream. My girlfriend was having it. She dreamed they were pulling the plug on me. She was watching me die. -Mr. Hypnos, I saw a dream. My girlfriend was having it. She dreamed they were pulling the plug on me. She was watching me die. Uh huh. And? -Uh huh. And? Well, I have to get a message to her. I have to let her know I'm okay. Until I can get out of here... -Kid - didn't they tell you about this party? Tell me what? -Tell me what? It's a special kind of party. A farewell party. Do you...get what I'm saying? -It's a special kind of party. A farewell party. Do you...get what I'm saying? Farewell? You mean - you mean I'm - -I think I...I'm about to... Am I mistaken, or don't I get to... Is there some... Y'see, Stu, as I understand it, you made this pact with your sister...no life support? -Besides, Julie wouldn't...she'd never... Actually, Stu, Julie doesn't get to decide. That's why she was having the nightmare. They're pulling the plug at nine AM. -Actually, Stu, Julie doesn't get to decide. That's why she was having the nightmare. They're pulling the plug at nine AM. Nine AM! But that's - twelve hours. -Stu, I like you personally, I admire your work, but I'm just the God of Sleep. This is Death's bailiwick. Maybe you could talk to Death! -Maybe you could talk to Death! Me? Me, go crawling to Death? My friend, it will be a cold, cold day in Las Vegas, Nevada, before I go crawling to that piece of - -Now Death is not what you would call a people person, like me. Death is a putz - and I should know. I'm his little brother. You're Death's brother? -You're Death's brother? Oh yeah. Mr. By-the-book, Stick-Up-the-Ass, My- Way-or-the-Highway Death. Believe me - over the course of eternity, you get pretty damned tired of that schtick. So I need a job. He sticks me in this broke-down amusement park, with a buncha animals to run it. I'm supposed to be grateful? -Guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I only have eleven hours and fifty-three minutes to... Oh, right. Cheating Death. There's one thing you might try. Only one guy in history ever pulled it off. Well, actually two. Actually, no, there was that other guy who...well, very few people have done it. -Oh, right. Cheating Death. There's one thing you might try. Only one guy in history ever pulled it off. Well, actually two. Actually, no, there was that other guy who...well, very few people have done it. Hyp, I'll do anything. -Land of Death. How do I get there? Kid, listen: that's all I'm saying. And you didn't hear it from me. -NO! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?? HE'S GOT MY E-TICKET! HE'S GOT MY - Sorry, Stu. It's all part of the deal. We've got big plans for that body of yours! -Sorry, Steve, maybe next time. And how's our new guest settling in - ? YOU SET ME UP!! -Easy, pal! I was coming to congratulate you. It ain't easy snatching one of those E-tickets. Steve here was the last guy to pull it off, and that musta been, what, 25 years ago...? Why'd you do it? What'd I ever do to you?!? -Why'd you do it? What'd I ever do to you?!? It's simple, Stu. We need nightmares - lots of 'em. So whenever we can swing it, we send a guy up to stimulate the flow...a nightmare maker! Like Steve here. Poe. Rasputin...we've been doing this all the way back to Atilla and Genghis Khan! -It's simple, Stu. We need nightmares - lots of 'em. So whenever we can swing it, we send a guy up to stimulate the flow...a nightmare maker! Like Steve here. Poe. Rasputin...we've been doing this all the way back to Atilla and Genghis Khan! But why me? Why'd you pick on me?? -But why me? Why'd you pick on me?? The monkey, of course. It was his idea. -The monkey, of course. It was his idea. Monkeybone...!? -Monkeybone...!? Nobody wants to be a sidekick, Stu. So one day he comes to us - he's got a proposition. We help him get your body...in return he gives us all the nightmares we want. -Nobody wants to be a sidekick, Stu. So one day he comes to us - he's got a proposition. We help him get your body...in return he gives us all the nightmares we want. You're nuts! I'm a comic strip artist! What's he gonna do - draw really scary cartoons?? -You're nuts! I'm a comic strip artist! What's he gonna do - draw really scary cartoons?? Oh, no, no, no. Y'see, Stu, as it happens, that girlfriend of yours figured out the chemical basis of bad dreams. And she just whipped up a big old batch of nightmare juice! -Oh, baby, I can't believe you're back. Home sweet home, huh? Actually, I was expecting something a little swankier. How much loot does old Stu rake in, anyway? -Meaning me, of course. I'm referring to myself. You have to assume Monkeybone would be a pretty lucrative franchise... Baby? Why don't you just...rest on the sofa for a minute. I'll be right back. -Bitchin' good cake. Stu, are you...feeling okay? -Stu, are you...feeling okay? Sure. Why? -Sure. Why? You're acting kind of...odd. -You're acting kind of...odd. In what way? -What are you watching? Ohhh, nothing. -You sure this is...medically advisable? Got a doctor on duty. -Got a doctor on duty. Well. As long as it's okay with Monkeybone - -Priceless! Priceless! This stuff just kills me! I'm heading in to work, baby. Are you sure you'll be okay? -I'm heading in to work, baby. Are you sure you'll be okay? "Oh yeah. There's just one thing I don't get. ""Monkeybone Creator Awakens from Coma"" that's a big story! That's front page news! But I can't find a word of coverage in this stinkin' rag! Hey. Don't I have a TV show?" -"Oh yeah. There's just one thing I don't get. ""Monkeybone Creator Awakens from Coma"" that's a big story! That's front page news! But I can't find a word of coverage in this stinkin' rag! Hey. Don't I have a TV show?" They only made the one episode. They've shown it about nineteen times. -They only made the one episode. They've shown it about nineteen times. I need a new PR guy. -And speaking of which, here's the light of my life, the pert and saucy Miss Julie McElroy. I had to park two blocks away. Is something - -What's this about merchandising? You always hated merchandising! Well, baby, I do, but to look at it from another angle...there's a potload of money here. -Stu? Is that you? Where did you go? Me? Nowhere. I was asleep. -Me? Nowhere. I was asleep. Baby, don't lie. I know you went out. -Baby, don't lie. I know you went out. Not me. Nope. You must've been dreaming. -You're wearing a topcoat, Stu. - Where are your pants? Well, Miss Smarty, if I didn't go out, I wouldn't need any pants. Now would I? -We'll hop a plane tonight. An island ceremony. An Abba Dabba honeymoon! It looks so...new. -It looks so...new. It is new. Why wouldn't it be new? -It is new. Why wouldn't it be new? But the heirloom ring. Your grandmother's ring... -But the heirloom ring. Your grandmother's ring... Heirloom? Huh? You want a used ring - ? -Boy, the nuts are out tonight. What'd that creep call you - ? "He called me ""Doc.""" -You want to leave? But Stu - you're a big hit! Everyone loves you! They don't love me. They love Monkeybone. -They don't love me. They love Monkeybone. It was you who got the standing O. It was you drawing on the belly over there... -It was you who got the standing O. It was you drawing on the belly over there... That was especially Monkeybone. Come on, Doc, I don't want to be stuck here with this bunch of media creeps. I just want to be us. Home. Alone! I have something I have to give you. -That was especially Monkeybone. Come on, Doc, I don't want to be stuck here with this bunch of media creeps. I just want to be us. Home. Alone! I have something I have to give you. Can't you give it to me later? -Can't you give it to me later? Yeah, I could, but the thing is, if later got here sooner, it would be...better. -Look at this! He won't let us leave! Who? -Who? The monkey!! He's everywhere! He'll take over both our lives if we let him. -The monkey!! He's everywhere! He'll take over both our lives if we let him. Stu - stop it. That monkey is good luck. You thought him up, and everybody loves him, and he's probably going to make you rich. So relax! Enjoy it! -Stu - stop it. That monkey is good luck. You thought him up, and everybody loves him, and he's probably going to make you rich. So relax! Enjoy it! I'm trying. It's weird, that's all. I never had any good luck, until I met you...what if it's all just another bad dream? -I'm trying. It's weird, that's all. I never had any good luck, until I met you...what if it's all just another bad dream? "What's the ""bad"" part?" -"What's the ""bad"" part?" I might wake up. -I might wake up. If you do, I'll be right there beside you. So face it. You're just going to have to be happy! - If you do, I'll be right there beside you. So face it. You're just going to have to be happy! I am happy. It just so happens this is the happiest night of my life. -Did we just - hit something? I don't think so. -I don't think so. Are you okay?? -I'm fine, baby. We're all okay. We were lucky. I'd better go report this... -Stu? Julie?... Hey, you are a looker. -How was it? I don't recall. It was great, baby. Let's get you to the ER. -Oh, Stu. Tell me I'm not dreaming. Baby...you're asking the wrong guy. -What's the matter? My tail itches. -Oh, Julie...my poor Stu...my poor baby brother... When'd you get in? -When'd you get in? An hour ago. I tried to prepare myself, but I didn't know he would be like, like this. I can't even bear to look at him... How about you? You're okay? -An hour ago. I tried to prepare myself, but I didn't know he would be like, like this. I can't even bear to look at him... How about you? You're okay? I'm fine, Kimmy. Fine. -I'm fine, Kimmy. Fine. I had so much I always wanted to say to him. At least he had a chance to give you the ring. -I had so much I always wanted to say to him. At least he had a chance to give you the ring. The ring... -The ring... Grandmama's ring. The engagement ring. He asked me to send it to him - -Kimmy, he doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't even know he's in a - Please, Julie. This is not easy for me. Our father took a long time to die. A long time. It just about killed us all. And Stu and I made a pact that when our time came - we wouldn't let it drag out. -Please, Julie. This is not easy for me. Our father took a long time to die. A long time. It just about killed us all. And Stu and I made a pact that when our time came - we wouldn't let it drag out. It's too soon even to - talk about that! -It's too soon even to - talk about that! Give me a date, Doctor. -Kimmy! What's the matter? This is hard for me, Julie...very hard...but it's been three months now, and... I gave the order. -Nothing for him! He's being repressed. Is something wrong, Stu? You seem so tense. -Hypnos? Yeah. To see if he could expedite my case. But I wait, and I wait, and...I'm starting to think I'll never see her again. -I'm so sorry, Stu. I wanted to tell you what was going on. I really, really liked you. Kitty...my situation is really not important. The thing is, my girlfriend is now living with, and possibly engaged to, a demented monkey. -Kitty...my situation is really not important. The thing is, my girlfriend is now living with, and possibly engaged to, a demented monkey. You're such a beautiful man. Look at you - stuck in this place, and only thinking of her. -You're such a beautiful man. Look at you - stuck in this place, and only thinking of her. Listen to me! Is there any way I can warn her what Monkeybone is up to?? -Don't ask where I got it. You can't do this! You'll get in trouble! -You can't do this! You'll get in trouble! You're the only true-hearted man I ever met. You find a way back to that girl of yours and make her happy. -You're the only true-hearted man I ever met. You find a way back to that girl of yours and make her happy. How am I gonna get past the guards? -How am I gonna get past the guards? I'll worry about the guards. OKAY, STU. SEE YOU IN A DAY OR TWO. -Go. Just go. Thanks, Kitty, I'll never forget you for th-- -You have humiliated me in public for the last time. I doubt that. Besides, I can't help myself. I'm just a figment of your imagination. -I doubt that. Besides, I can't help myself. I'm just a figment of your imagination. Then you can learn to act normally. I had to! -Then you can learn to act normally. I had to! Aw, come on. You know you love me. You're a masochistic pain freak. You gotta love me. -Aw, come on. You know you love me. You're a masochistic pain freak. You gotta love me. I am not. And I don't gotta. -You are too! Mooning over Julie when we could both be gettin' some o' this fine local action. It's not like she's gonna know. Out of town, under five minutes, and in a coma don't count. Sorry. The women here aren't my type. Most of them aren't even my species. -Aaah, it's the same as always...poor mope's just wishin' he was me. I've been trying to get through to the head guy - the nightmare god - what's his name? -My Fellow Americans. I have a dream. Let us boldly go where no man has gone before. I'm sorry, Kitty - what were you saying? -Come on, pal! It was a compliment! You'da done the same if you had the equipment! THAT DOES IT! BACK IN THE PACK! -THAT DOES IT! BACK IN THE PACK! FORGET IT! NO WAY! I'M NOT GETTING - -I'm reportin' this to my union!! What union? -What union? The sidekicks' union! Me, Tonto, and Robin the Boy Wonder. You top bananas better watch your ass! -I left my phone number in your undies. Try not to lose it in traffic. Sorry, Kitty! I'll be right back after I choke my monkey. -He's ninety. He's practically dead already. How come he goes back and I stay here? Maybe he wanted to pick out his own casket? -Maybe he wanted to pick out his own casket? HEY!! HEY, YOU!! -He got an E-ticket. Where's mine? When do I get to wake up?? Stu? Stu? Let's not disturb the nice Reaper. -Stu? Stu? Let's not disturb the nice Reaper. I've been stuck down here for months. Somebody had better start paying attention, or I'm gonna - I'm gonna kick ass! -I've been stuck down here for months. Somebody had better start paying attention, or I'm gonna - I'm gonna kick ass! Let's not kick the nice Reaper's ass. -Y'call that art? Why, my three-year-old can paint better than that. Like you'd know. You started out on the back of a napkin, you little...doodle. -How'd you get in there? Stu... It's a party. -Stu... It's a party. Mr. Hypnos - sir - I needed to talk to you - -Pact? Pact? NO LIFE SUPPORT?? Well - yeah - but that doesn't...apply. It was different then. I was depressed. My life is great now. I'm in love! -I'm so dumb! I deserve to die - Mr. Hypnos, you run this place. I'm begging you. There's gotta be something I can do. -Fate worse than death! Well, it's been real, boss, but I gotta go buff up my resumé. ANYBODY HERE NEED A FIGMENT? Fine! Don't put yourself out. I'll go to the land of Death alone. -Fine! Don't put yourself out. I'll go to the land of Death alone. Stu, you have my absolute confidence. ­- DEAD MAN! DEAD MAN WALKING!! -Stu, you have my absolute confidence. ­- DEAD MAN! DEAD MAN WALKING!! I've got one chance to get back to Julie, and I'm gonna take it - with or without you. -Hey. Aren't you gonna talk me into it? No. Goodbye. Thanks for nothing. -You gotta talk me into it. You'll screw up on your own. I mean, a guy's gotta have a sidekick. For moral support! Wisecracks - snappy banter - It's the land of Death, Stu, the Land of Death! Don't go in there without your comedy relief!! All right. You can come. -All right. You can come. OH, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! TH-- Something went very, very wrong here. -OH, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! TH-- Something went very, very wrong here. Now we just gotta figure out how to get there. -He's taking her to the land of Death, right? So all we've gotta do is...hitch a ride! Stop shaking! I'll protect you. Oh, sure. Mr. Action Hero! Why couldn't I be Arnold Schwarzenegger's figment? -Where'd he go?? I don't know. -Stu...Stu... IT'S NOT WORKING. -IT'S NOT WORKING. There's a thing here! There's a switch! -Stu...LOOK! What? -What? Isn't that Lulu? -You saved my life, Monkeybone. I never would've made it without you. Move it. We got exactly five minutes left. -Move it. We got exactly five minutes left. It's just...now that I'm leaving, I feel like there's lots of things I haven't said. Who's gonna look out for you? Are you gonna be okay when I'm gone? -It's just...now that I'm leaving, I feel like there's lots of things I haven't said. Who's gonna look out for you? Are you gonna be okay when I'm gone? Oh, don't you worry. I'll be fine. -Oh, don't you worry. I'll be fine. You've been a hell of a figment, pal. I sure wish I could take you home with me. -Awwww. Worried about my feelings, are you? Well, there's a new twist. Don't joke around, little buddy. I mean it. I really do love y-- -Oh, please, don't hurt me. I just need to use the phone, lady. -I just need to use the phone, lady. Oh, let me get out of your way then. -Oh, let me get out of your way then. What happened? Did you lose your keys? -What happened? Did you lose your keys? Have a nice day. -Excuse me, sir. I just wanted to thank you for helping me get into my building yesterday. Yeah, sure, no problem, you're welcome. -Yeah, sure, no problem, you're welcome. My daughter lives across the street from you people and she tells me that you keep this area safe. Is that true? -My daughter lives across the street from you people and she tells me that you keep this area safe. Is that true? We like to think so, yeah. -We like to think so, yeah. And you don't deal drugs? -Who told you we deal drugs? I'm just concerned about my daughter. -I'm just concerned about my daughter. You don't have to worry. She's going to be fine. We're law-abiding citizens just like you. -You don't have to worry. She's going to be fine. We're law-abiding citizens just like you. What about yesterday? Kicking that poor boy? -What about yesterday? Kicking that poor boy? That poor boy's a crack dealer from Alphabet City. We do not allow his kind on this block. -Is there something else I can do for you? Well, I'd love to see inside your club. -Well, I'd love to see inside your club. You want to come inside? -You want to come inside? Well, if you're not holding a meeting or anything. -So, what do you think? Well, once you're inside, it's nice. -Well, once you're inside, it's nice. You don't like where I live? -Well, when I walked up the block, I ... well, my word! That's New York. It looks rundown, but it's safe during the day. You'll get used to it. -I wanted to ask you something. Those motorcycles across the street ...? Uh-huh? -Uh-huh? ... What are they all doing there? -... What are they all doing there? That's the Satan's Disciples' New York headquarters. -That's the Satan's Disciples' New York headquarters. The motorcycle gang? Don't they deal drugs and rape young girls? -The motorcycle gang? Don't they deal drugs and rape young girls? I've never had any problem with them. People say it's the safest block in the East Village. I just hope their motorcycles don't keep you up at night. -I just can't seem to focus on anything these days. That's why it's good you came to visit me. -That's why it's good you came to visit me. How are you doing sweetheart? -How are you doing sweetheart? I'm good. -I'm good. Dating anyone? -Dating anyone? No, I'm working too much, I don't have time. -No, I'm working too much, I don't have time. What about the fellow in those pictures? -What about the fellow in those pictures? What pictures? -What pictures? You know ... ... whoops! -You know ... ... whoops! Mother! -Mother! Well, they were right out in plain view. -Well, they were right out in plain view. Behind the books. -Behind the books. But I was dusting. -But I was dusting. I was seeing Aaron and there were some ... complications. -I was seeing Aaron and there were some ... complications. He seemed quite taken with you. -He seemed quite taken with you. I don't want to talk about it. -I don't want to talk about it. You know, you never tell me anything. -You know, you never tell me anything. That's not true. Besides, I don't want you dusting. I want you to see New York. -Don, this is my mother. Mom, this is my boss, Don Palmer. Oh, it's so nice to meet you. -Mother, I ... My daughter lives right across the street from the Satan's Disciples' clubhouse, and I was so worried about her ... so, I went over and introduced myself. And they were the nicest people. -What's wrong? Mom ... I mean, it's amusing to imagine such a thing, but ... how many of those pills have you been taking? -Mom ... I mean, it's amusing to imagine such a thing, but ... how many of those pills have you been taking? Oh, that has nothing to do with it. -Oh, that has nothing to do with it. No, no, it's my fault. I've been pushing you too hard to do things on your own. -Mom, I need to talk to you. If it's about the bikers, dear, I don't want to talk about it. -If it's about the bikers, dear, I don't want to talk about it. No, I had a dream about daddy. Do you think I'll ever meet anyone like him? -No, I had a dream about daddy. Do you think I'll ever meet anyone like him? Oh, I hope so, dear. -Oh, I hope so, dear. You know that guy in the pictures you saw? -You know that guy in the pictures you saw? Aaron? -Aaron? Yeah ... turned out to be a real jerk. -Yeah ... turned out to be a real jerk. I'm sorry. -It's unusually quiet tonight, isn't it? Mm hmm. -I think you should consider coming out and staying with me longer. Oh, I don't want to be in the way. You've got your career and everything. -Oh, I don't want to be in the way. You've got your career and everything. You wouldn't be in the way. I like having you around. -You wouldn't be in the way. I like having you around. Dear, I was thinking. Why don't we go to Paris next year? I've never been. Your father, God bless him, wasn't much for traveling. -Dear, I was thinking. Why don't we go to Paris next year? I've never been. Your father, God bless him, wasn't much for traveling. I'd love to. -Here you go. I think you should talk to Dr. Byrne when you get back about how much Valium he's prescribing. Okay? At my age, I'm going to take any pill that makes me feel better. -At my age, I'm going to take any pill that makes me feel better. Mother! -Mother! I can make my own decisions. -I love you, Mom. I have to run. You remembered to call the limousine service, right? Mm hmm. -Mm hmm. Well, bye. And have a safe trip ... and ... Paris in the spring! -Well, bye. And have a safe trip ... and ... Paris in the spring! Goodbye, sweetheart. -Who is it? It's Marika. Is Paula there? -It's Marika. Is Paula there? She's at work. I'm her mother. -She's at work. I'm her mother. Oh. I thought today was Saturday. -I'm sorry. I had a wretched night. Oh. You need a cappuccino. -And there was this number on my phone bill that I didn't recognize. Calls made at three and four in the morning. So, I called the number ... and a woman answered. And I ... I hung up. So, then I followed him. Just like in the movies. And I found out that he has a wife and a little girl living in Brooklyn. We had been going together for almost a year. Men ... they're all the same. Our pastor in Sioux Falls was caught with his wife's sister. -Men ... they're all the same. Our pastor in Sioux Falls was caught with his wife's sister. Really? -Really? Oh, it was such a big scandal. -Oh, it was such a big scandal. What happened? -What happened? Poor man had to leave town. And I hear that other women came forward. -You know, you ought to come out to South Dakota some time and meet my son, Steve. He's single. What does he do? -What does he do? He's an organic farmer. -He's an organic farmer. Oh. Well, that would be a ... change. Thank you, Mrs. Peterson. You have a very reassuring voice. -I wonder what they do in there? Don't they frighten you? They all look so ... ... Manly? -Where to? Are you sure you got my bag in? -Are you sure you got my bag in? What do you think? I left it on the curb? -What do you think? I left it on the curb? I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous. It's my first time in New York. Just a minute. -I came to New York to visit my youngest daughter. And where is she? -And where is she? She would have come to the airport to meet me - she wanted to - but ... but, she just started a new job and, well, I guess no one drives here. -She would have come to the airport to meet me - she wanted to - but ... but, she just started a new job and, well, I guess no one drives here. So, you come here all by yourself? -So, you come here all by yourself? Uh, yes. My husband passed away recently ... -Uh, yes. My husband passed away recently ... ... Oh ... -... Oh ... ... And the children thought I should take a trip. -... And the children thought I should take a trip. Yeah. -Yeah. I'm from South Dakota. Where are you from? -I'm from South Dakota. Where are you from? Moscow. -Moscow. Ohhh. Do you know the East Village? -Ohhh. Do you know the East Village? Oh, yeah ... yeah ... it's a hellhole. -Oh, yeah ... yeah ... it's a hellhole. You mean it's dangerous? -You mean it's dangerous? Nah, not dangerous. Not that dangerous. Not during the day. -This is one-way street. You go down the block to the middle. This way? -This way? Yeah. Not far. You will be fine. It's still day. -I see. How much? Forty-five all total. -Forty-five all total. Forty-five? I thought it was only supposed to be thirty? -Forty-five? I thought it was only supposed to be thirty? Thirty is base price. Tolls, tax, tip ... it all adds up. -Here you are, Senator. Not a bad desk, either. Daniel Webster used to use it. Daniel Webster? Sat here? Say--that man was a great orator. -Daniel Webster? Sat here? Say--that man was a great orator. Give you something to shoot at, Senator--if you figure on doing any talking. -Give you something to shoot at, Senator--if you figure on doing any talking. Not me, sonny. I'm just going to sit around and listen. What's this? -Not me, sonny. I'm just going to sit around and listen. What's this? Calendar for the day. You'll find the Senate Manual in the drawer. Anything else you want, just snap for a page. -Calendar for the day. You'll find the Senate Manual in the drawer. Anything else you want, just snap for a page. Where's the Majority Leader? -Where's the Majority Leader? The Majority Leader? Right over there. And that's [ ] the Minority Leader. They're both pretty good in the clinches. -The Majority Leader? Right over there. And that's [ ] the Minority Leader. They're both pretty good in the clinches. Uh-huh. And where's the Press Galery? -Uh-huh. And where's the Press Galery? Right up there over the Vice- President's chair--the four in the front row represent the four big news services. You've met the press bunch, haven't you? -Right up there over the Vice- President's chair--the four in the front row represent the four big news services. You've met the press bunch, haven't you? Oh, yes--they're fine people--regular people. -Oh, yes--they're fine people--regular people. Look out for those fellows--they tell the truth about you--sometimes. That corner over there is reserved for guides and sightseers who come in for five minutes to rest their feet. That section over there is reserved for Senator's friends. The front row--the empty one--is for the President and White House guests-- see that old couple over there-- they've attended every session for the last twenty years. Over the clock back here is the Diplomatic section. They and the page boys are the only real class we have in this place. The rest are mostly people who come here like they go to the zoo-- -Look out for those fellows--they tell the truth about you--sometimes. That corner over there is reserved for guides and sightseers who come in for five minutes to rest their feet. That section over there is reserved for Senator's friends. The front row--the empty one--is for the President and White House guests-- see that old couple over there-- they've attended every session for the last twenty years. Over the clock back here is the Diplomatic section. They and the page boys are the only real class we have in this place. The rest are mostly people who come here like they go to the zoo-- Those busts up there--all around the wall--who are they, sonny? -Those busts up there--all around the wall--who are they, sonny? All the ex-vice-Presidents. You can get ten-to-one around here if you think you can remember their names. The Vice-President presides over the Senate--you know that. It's how he earns his pay. Oh--over there, Senator-- on the east side of the Chair we still have the old snuff boxes with real snuff in them if you like snuff. -All the ex-vice-Presidents. You can get ten-to-one around here if you think you can remember their names. The Vice-President presides over the Senate--you know that. It's how he earns his pay. Oh--over there, Senator-- on the east side of the Chair we still have the old snuff boxes with real snuff in them if you like snuff. Thanks very much, sonny-- -Thanks very much, sonny-- I'll take your hat into the cloak room. -I'll take your hat into the cloak room. Here--let me give you a Boy Ranger button. -Here--let me give you a Boy Ranger button. Swell. Thanks very much. Good luck, Senator. Keep your left up. -"--what possible explanation can you offer for this charge being--as you say--""trumped up"" against you!" It was done to stop me from talking about a section of the Appropriations Bill! -It was done to stop me from talking about a section of the Appropriations Bill! It was? -It was? Yes! This was how I could be put out of the Senate and out of the way! They even *promised* me that if I-- -And you say you never signed this contract with Mr. Allen? I did not-- -I did not-- You've never *seen* this contract. -You've never *seen* this contract. Never. -Never. But you did *talk* to Mr. Allen about that and--? -But you did *talk* to Mr. Allen about that and--? I--I discussed it with him--yes-- because I--you see, I've always had this camp in mind--but I made no contract with him! -I--I discussed it with him--yes-- because I--you see, I've always had this camp in mind--but I made no contract with him! Then--this is *not* you signature, Senator? -Then--this is *not* you signature, Senator? Looks like it, but-- -Looks like it, but-- But it *isn't*? -But it *isn't*? It couldn't be. -It couldn't be. You are saying, in effect, that this is a forgery? -You are saying, in effect, that this is a forgery? I'm saying I didn't sign it! -Yes, sir--big as life. Been there some time now. Yes, sir. All right, boys--let's go. -What's he bringing pigeons for? What for? Why, suppose there's a storm--all lines are down--how you gonna get a message to Ma? -Positively not in the station! Gone! I'll brain that guy! Well--call Paine-- call Saunders-- -And while you're at it, get me a bed! Let's send out a pigeon! -Let's send out a pigeon! Blow a bugle! -Sure. Sure. I'll hang a light in the steeple. One if by land--two if by sea!... Okay! Diz--you won't believe it. Daniel Boone's *lost*! No! -How do you *like* this! You don't suppose that ranger met up with some kids--and took 'em for a hike! That--or he's out blazing trails. He'll show up. -That--or he's out blazing trails. He'll show up. Sure--sure. He must have a compass with him. -Getting on to dinner, isn't it, pal? I give that Trail Blazer five more minutes to show up-- --*five more minutes*! -Well--who d'you take this time--Paine, Bill, Carl--or McGann? Hey--you're into me for a buck already. I say--McGann. Shoot the whole dollar. -Hey--you're into me for a buck already. I say--McGann. Shoot the whole dollar. Okay. For the dollar, I give you McGann *and* Bill and Carl. I got Paine. Hello... Oh, yes. -No, not yet, Senator Paine--not hide nor hair of the man. You mean to say the boys haven't--? Eight to five Little Boy Blue is plastered. -Eight to five Little Boy Blue is plastered. Well, why don't they try the police-- get some blood hounds--or Indian guides-- -Tell me why! Well, because you're doing all right at the minute. -Well, because you're doing all right at the minute. When Foley died, why didn't I clear out? How many times, did you hear me say I was fed up on politics and--? But *no*--I let 'em talk me into staying. Secretary to a leader of little squirts. Why? Because I need the job and a new suit of clothes. -When Foley died, why didn't I clear out? How many times, did you hear me say I was fed up on politics and--? But *no*--I let 'em talk me into staying. Secretary to a leader of little squirts. Why? Because I need the job and a new suit of clothes. Would you settle for a husband? -Would you settle for a husband? What's this, Diz? -What's this, Diz? That old standing offer from Diz Moore--Poet of Washington Correspondents. -That old standing offer from Diz Moore--Poet of Washington Correspondents. Huh? -Huh? You know--Mrs. Diz Moore. -Oh--that again. Yeah. I would cherish you--and stay sober. -I would cherish you--and stay sober. Diz, you're a swell playmate--but--. Maybe if I saw you once with your hair combed, or something--or--no, no--I don't think even that would do it-- -Diz, you're a swell playmate--but--. Maybe if I saw you once with your hair combed, or something--or--no, no--I don't think even that would do it-- Well, if you're sure it wouldn't--no use combing my hair for nothing. -Well, if you're sure it wouldn't--no use combing my hair for nothing. No--don't do it. I'm sure. The truth is, Diz--there's no man I've seen yet or--must be something wrong with me. I've been feeling low for weeks. -No--don't do it. I'm sure. The truth is, Diz--there's no man I've seen yet or--must be something wrong with me. I've been feeling low for weeks. You got worms. -You got worms. What! Who? -What! Who? You know--little worms--ambition. -You know--little worms--ambition. Yeah. Should have seen me seven years ago--when I came to this town. *Now* what am I?--chambermaid to the Pied Piper of Jackson City; *Honorary* appointment! Scratch this thing an you'll find they wanted a dope here for two months. -I'm still asking myself--what is he-- animal, vegetable, or mineral? A Senator! A United States Senator! I thought I'd seen everything but-- why, he doesn't know what time it is, Diz! When I think of myself sitting around--playing straight for all that phoney, patriotic chatter-- *me*, carrying bibs for an infant with little flags in his fists--no, I can't take it, Diz--I'm through--I quit! Sure--sure--wait a minute now--simmer down-- -Will you go chase an ambulance! Whadaya mean--*right*? -Kid--wait--what do you think you're going to do? Get my *whole* fall outfit--and quit this job in style! -Get my *whole* fall outfit--and quit this job in style! Now, you've got more sense than to put Nosey onto this guy--! -Now, you've got more sense than to put Nosey onto this guy--! Wait--wait. Let's see--watchdog McGann-- he's bound to move right in--get him out of the way first-- Pardon me, friend--I've got some telephoning to do--! -Sit tight, Diz. The show commences in just a minute. What show? Would you mind telling me what's coming off here? -What show? Would you mind telling me what's coming off here? Certainly. Now there's the principal actor in our little play. -Ah. One of the supporting characters. Who? -That gorilla in Man's clothing-- McGann. Oh, you mean--Puss in Boots. -Oh, you mean--Puss in Boots. "Yes. Mostly ""Puss."" Oh, the *other* prominent character in the play." -The Silver Knight. Soul of Honor--on a tight-rope. What do I play? -What do I play? You play--left field. -You play--left field. Frankly, kid--are you goofy? -Frankly, kid--are you goofy? Diz--Don Quixote with bill is going to get to his feet in a minute and speak two important words--*Willet Creek*. When that happens--if my hunch is right--the Silver Knight will fall off his tightrope and Puss will jump out of his boots. -Did you like the first act? Yeah. What about the second act? -Yeah. What about the second act? That's taking place outside now. -Well--I stuck my foot in it again at the President's press conference today-- How come so early? Get the day off? They decoyed the little General off to a tea party to keep him out of the Senate. -They decoyed the little General off to a tea party to keep him out of the Senate. "Well, well-- Yeah--I got smart and thought I'd slip one over on the old man in the press meeting. I said, ""Mr. President, about the monopoly investigation--"" And he jumps right in and says, ""Diz, if you were sitting in my chair, would you answer the question you're about to ask?"" He had me." -"Well, well-- Yeah--I got smart and thought I'd slip one over on the old man in the press meeting. I said, ""Mr. President, about the monopoly investigation--"" And he jumps right in and says, ""Diz, if you were sitting in my chair, would you answer the question you're about to ask?"" He had me." I don't mind *who* gets licked in a *fair* fight, Diz. It's these clouts below the belt I can't take. Sicking that horrible dame on him--when he's goofy about her-- -I don't mind *who* gets licked in a *fair* fight, Diz. It's these clouts below the belt I can't take. Sicking that horrible dame on him--when he's goofy about her-- What dame? -What dame? Paine. -Paine. Oh--yeah-- -Oh--yeah-- "He isn't going to hurt enough as it is. *She* has to twist a knife in him, too--the regal jackass! ""I'll turn my glamour on him,"" she says--" -"He isn't going to hurt enough as it is. *She* has to twist a knife in him, too--the regal jackass! ""I'll turn my glamour on him,"" she says--" Forget it, kid. What's it *to* you? -Forget it, kid. What's it *to* you? Nothing. I'm just saying--I might be able to lie, cheat, steal--and I'd still tear into a guy I saw kicking a dog. Not that *he* is, by a long shot-- -Nothing. I'm just saying--I might be able to lie, cheat, steal--and I'd still tear into a guy I saw kicking a dog. Not that *he* is, by a long shot-- Okay. So what? Stop worrying. I've told you--the dopes are gonna inherit the earth anyway-- -Okay. So what? Stop worrying. I've told you--the dopes are gonna inherit the earth anyway-- I've wondered, Diz--maybe this Don Quixote's got the jump on all of us. I've wondered--maybe it's a curse to go through life wised up like you and me-- -I've wondered, Diz--maybe this Don Quixote's got the jump on all of us. I've wondered--maybe it's a curse to go through life wised up like you and me-- Now, look, kid--if we're gonna wonder, let's go down and do it over a hunk of steak. Come on, snap out of it. Diz Moore-- that rarest of companions--is here at your side. To genteel crime, kid. -Now, look, kid--if we're gonna wonder, let's go down and do it over a hunk of steak. Come on, snap out of it. Diz Moore-- that rarest of companions--is here at your side. To genteel crime, kid. And to Don Quixote! -Why do I always laugh at that? """There's more light here,"" he says--" -"""There's more light here,"" he says--" Drunks are funny-- -Drunks are funny-- Yeah. Funny-- -Yeah. Funny-- Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah. Some of my best friends are funny. -Yeah. Some of my best friends are funny. Every time I think of it, I get a laugh, Diz. -Every time I think of it, I get a laugh, Diz. My friends? -My friends? Old Don Quixote--man of the people Smith-- -Old Don Quixote--man of the people Smith-- Waiter! -Waiter! --followin' Miss Susan Fass-Pass around--his little heart poundin' away--the sound of angels' wings in his ears. -Now, you've gone and let Don Quixote in here again. I told you to keep him out! Shut up, Diz. -Shut up, Diz. Mind, now! Keep Don Quixote out of here! -And I got him all dressed up, too-- to go way up in a balloon--so they can drop him a long way--make sure they break his heart. Why, not all the Boy Rangers in the world, working night shifts, 'll be able to put Humpty-Dumpty together again-- Now--how'd Humpty-Dumpty get in here? -Now--how'd Humpty-Dumpty get in here? Do you know how I felt, Diz? -Do you know how I felt, Diz? No. How'd you feel? Quick. -No. How'd you feel? Quick. Like a mother sending her kid off to school for the first time--watchin' the little fella toddling off--in his best bib and tucker--and you sink in the middle--hoping he can stand up to the other kids--won't get his feeling hurt--and--if you could only spare him the knocks he's gotta take-- Say--who started this? -Like a mother sending her kid off to school for the first time--watchin' the little fella toddling off--in his best bib and tucker--and you sink in the middle--hoping he can stand up to the other kids--won't get his feeling hurt--and--if you could only spare him the knocks he's gotta take-- Say--who started this? *I'm* just waiting for a street car-- -*I'm* just waiting for a street car-- Well--cut it out. See? Who *cares* anyway? -Well--cut it out. See? Who *cares* anyway? I apologize. -I apologize. *All right*, then. After all, what's it to me? So they *drop* him out of a balloon. All I care is--I don't want to be around. See? Squeamish. See? That's what I am. No, sir. I don't have to take it. Won't be a party to no murder. I'm gonna quit. I'm through. -*All right*, then. After all, what's it to me? So they *drop* him out of a balloon. All I care is--I don't want to be around. See? Squeamish. See? That's what I am. No, sir. I don't have to take it. Won't be a party to no murder. I'm gonna quit. I'm through. Again? Good idea. -Again? Good idea. Diz-- -Diz-- Yeah. -Yeah. How about getting married? -How about getting married? Good idea. When? -Good idea. When? Any time. -Any time. Tonight? -Tonight? Okay. You don't mind? -Okay. You don't mind? I'll cherish ya. -I'll cherish ya. You--you've been a good egg, Diz. Maybe we could clear out of this town--get to feel like *people*--get the habit of lifting up our eyes-- live like we just got out of a tunnel. -You--you've been a good egg, Diz. Maybe we could clear out of this town--get to feel like *people*--get the habit of lifting up our eyes-- live like we just got out of a tunnel. Tunnel? -Tunnel? You've never seen prairie grass with the wind leaning on it, have you, Diz? -You've never seen prairie grass with the wind leaning on it, have you, Diz? Is the wind tired out there? -Is the wind tired out there? Or angry little mountain streams-- and cattle moving against the sun. You haven't seen any of that, have you, Diz? -Or angry little mountain streams-- and cattle moving against the sun. You haven't seen any of that, have you, Diz? Have *you*? -Have *you*? No. -No. Do we *have* to? -Do we *have* to? No! I can't think of anything more sappy!) -No! I can't think of anything more sappy!) Well, let's get going. -Well, let's get going. Where? -Where? We're gonna get married. -We're gonna get married. Yeah--that's right. Diz-- -Yeah--that's right. Diz-- What? -What? I case you don't know--I want to give ya a chance to back out if you don't like it-- -I case you don't know--I want to give ya a chance to back out if you don't like it-- What? -What? My first name's--Clarissa. -My first name's--Clarissa. Yeah, I know. That's okay. -Yeah, I know. That's okay. "Don't say ""okay,"" Diz. Say you think it's beautiful." -"Don't say ""okay,"" Diz. Say you think it's beautiful." Okay--I mean-- -Okay--I mean-- You don't know a name off-hand you like better, do you, Diz? -You don't know a name off-hand you like better, do you, Diz? No--not offhand-- -No--not offhand-- Nothing like--uh--Susan--or anything like that, huh? -Nothing like--uh--Susan--or anything like that, huh? Susan? Nah! -Susan? Nah! I won't take it! See? I won't be party to murder. See? Steering a poor dope up blind alleys for that grafting Taylor mob is low enough. But helping that dame cut him up in little pieces besides--nobody's gonna make me do that. No, sir. -I won't take it! See? I won't be party to murder. See? Steering a poor dope up blind alleys for that grafting Taylor mob is low enough. But helping that dame cut him up in little pieces besides--nobody's gonna make me do that. No, sir. You said it! -You said it! I'm getting out of there. Right now, Diz. Right now. Bonus or no bonus. I'm gonna clear outa that office-- everything I own--my extra hat-- everything-- -Hey! We're gettin' married--! Right now--everything I own--! -Well--let's dig up the preacher, kid. Huh? -Huh? You know, we're getting married. -You know, we're getting married. Take me home, Diz. -He's cooked! They'll drum the poor lug out of that chamber tomorrow as sure as I'm--! And now they're all down on him. Yeah--my press pals, too--he's a bad egg--still water running deep. Boloney! It's the frame of all time! When I see a phoney like this--my journalist blood boils-- I wanna *fight*! Look, kid--rack your brains, will you? Haven't you got any confidential stuff on that mob? I'll write my arm off--I'll blow Taylor and his-- I've told you ten times--if I had anything they couldn't bat down in a second, don't you suppose I'd've been up in that hearing yelling murder! Sure--he was cooked the night I sounded off like a fool and spilled the whole works! -I've told you ten times--if I had anything they couldn't bat down in a second, don't you suppose I'd've been up in that hearing yelling murder! Sure--he was cooked the night I sounded off like a fool and spilled the whole works! "Then--in the name of kindness to dumb animals--we can't let him walk into that Senate tomorrow and take a terrible punch in a nose! A couple of us went up there--told him all he could do was beat it--resign--clear out. But--he's in a daze--he's been hit by a ton of bricks. Just says, ""I haven't done anything. Why should I resign?"" He might *listen* to *you*--" -"Then--in the name of kindness to dumb animals--we can't let him walk into that Senate tomorrow and take a terrible punch in a nose! A couple of us went up there--told him all he could do was beat it--resign--clear out. But--he's in a daze--he's been hit by a ton of bricks. Just says, ""I haven't done anything. Why should I resign?"" He might *listen* to *you*--" Why me? -Why me? Come on--don't pull that. You know you'd give your right--. What are you staying away from him for? -Come on--don't pull that. You know you'd give your right--. What are you staying away from him for? You don't think he'd want *me* within fifty miles, do you?--after the exhibition he saw me give! Did you see his *face*--? -You don't think he'd want *me* within fifty miles, do you?--after the exhibition he saw me give! Did you see his *face*--? "All I know is--he said to me tonight-- ""What does your wife think?"" My wife. Thinks we're married--" -"All I know is--he said to me tonight-- ""What does your wife think?"" My wife. Thinks we're married--" Well, then, that's great! And that's a great place to leave it! It's no use *my* barging into this now and-- -The war's on! He's a house-afire! -He's a house-afire! Diz--get what he says to the people back in that State. It's up to you and the boys. Keep those wires hot. Fire away, pal! -Diz! Kid--he thinks he's talking to that mob at home, but not a line we've written--not a word he's said from that floor has gotten into that home State. -Kid--he thinks he's talking to that mob at home, but not a line we've written--not a word he's said from that floor has gotten into that home State. What! -What! Not a word! Taylor's sewed up every paper. They're tossing out everything that comes in over the wires! -Not a word! Taylor's sewed up every paper. They're tossing out everything that comes in over the wires! Freedom of the press! Mr. James Taylor blindfolding a whole State-- Wait a minute! If that's how he wants to play *I'll* get through to that bunch--I'll get plenty of words into that, State--! Come on, Diz, get that stuff you've written--let me have it-- -I knew it! I knew a night's rest wasn't possible in this house! Hubert! Wha--? Yes, sweetheart-- Wha--? -Wha--? Yes, sweetheart-- Wha--? That infernal phone! -That infernal phone! Yes, yes--phone, phone-- A--an outrage, pet--an outrage--I'll look into this-- Hello--Joe!--What!--No! Not really! Terrible! -Yes, yes--phone, phone-- A--an outrage, pet--an outrage--I'll look into this-- Hello--Joe!--What!--No! Not really! Terrible! What is it? -Yes, Joe, yes--right away. What is it? -What is it? Sam Foley--dead! -Sam Foley--dead! Great saints! -Great saints! Of all the times! Of all the times! Two months to the end of his term-- and Foley has to go and die on us-- -Of all the times! Of all the times! Two months to the end of his term-- and Foley has to go and die on us-- Whom are you calling--in the dead of night? -Whom are you calling--in the dead of night? Taylor, my dear. -Taylor, my dear. Can't that wait, Hubert? -Can't that wait, Hubert? No, no--believe me, pet--this is *most* urgent-- Hello, hello. Is Taylor there?-- Governor Hopper. Quickly, please-- -No, no--believe me, pet--this is *most* urgent-- Hello, hello. Is Taylor there?-- Governor Hopper. Quickly, please-- This isn't a home, it's the crossroads of the world! -This isn't a home, it's the crossroads of the world! Now, now, Emma, dear--you mustn't forget we have been chosen by the people of this commonwealth to-- -Now, now, Emma, dear--you mustn't forget we have been chosen by the people of this commonwealth to-- Save that for the laying of cornerstones, Hubert! Oh, that morning you looked in the mirror and saw a statesman! -Save that for the laying of cornerstones, Hubert! Oh, that morning you looked in the mirror and saw a statesman! Now, pet-- Jim! -Dinner, Hubert. I'll bear that in mind... What? Oh. Dinner. Pet--my stomach couldn't hold a bird seed. -I'll bear that in mind... What? Oh. Dinner. Pet--my stomach couldn't hold a bird seed. We're waiting, Hubert. -Really, my dear--I don't feel like a thing. Nonsense. -Nonsense. Why don't you listen to your children for a change? You might actually learn something? For instance, how to run the affairs of government? No doubt my children could make this appointment *for* me-- with the greatest ease! -I do *not* want a Senator. And I do *not* want any more of this nonsense! Emma! Why, I think it's very sweet of the children-- -Otis! That settles it! I will not be attacked and belittled by my own children in my own home! My nerves are strained to the breaking point! -Emma! I'm a man at the end of his rope. No wonder--without your dinner. -No wonder--without your dinner. Emma, which is it--Horace Miller or Henry Hill? -Emma, which is it--Horace Miller or Henry Hill? Well, your children are very bright-- and *they* say Jefferson Smith. -Are you ready for him, Bill? All set. Foley's rooms in the Senate office building--nice, big clean desk--lot of Senator stationery to write his little boys on--and Foley's secretary, Saunders, to make it look like the real thing-- -All set. Foley's rooms in the Senate office building--nice, big clean desk--lot of Senator stationery to write his little boys on--and Foley's secretary, Saunders, to make it look like the real thing-- Good. Are the newspaper men at the hotel? -Good. Are the newspaper men at the hotel? Yup--Sweeney, Flood, Farrell--waiting for you-- -Yup--Sweeney, Flood, Farrell--waiting for you-- Fine. The first thing to do is-- present Mr. Smith to the press--in the *right* way. Hurry him along, Bill. -Fine. The first thing to do is-- present Mr. Smith to the press--in the *right* way. Hurry him along, Bill. How do you feel, champ? -How do you feel, champ? All right, why? -All right, why? Your name's spreading like wild-fire out here--you are the winterbook favorite to get on the National ticket. -Your name's spreading like wild-fire out here--you are the winterbook favorite to get on the National ticket. Oh! Go away. -Yes, yes--tell them I'll see them immediately--immediately! I can't hold them off! They want something to say about this appointment. Ten to one they've got a man. Relax, Happy. Jim said to wait. -Relax, Happy. Jim said to wait. I *can't* wait, McGann! You go into that room and tell Jim Taylor and Joe Paine that I give them *one more minute*-- -I *can't* wait, McGann! You go into that room and tell Jim Taylor and Joe Paine that I give them *one more minute*-- *You* tell Jim Taylor. -*You* tell Jim Taylor. Washington! Always discussing the problems of Washington. Nobody ever thinks of the State--and my problems! I *will* tell Jim Taylor. It's high *time* I told him a thing or two! -Terrific! A born stooge! Horace'll perform like a trained seal. Jim--if I fling a party man like Horace in the face of those angry committees-- -He's batty! Listen--the simpleton of all time--a big-eyed patriot--knows Washington and Lincoln by heart--stood at attention in the Governor's presence-- collects stray boys and cats-- -Oh--oh. He's the hero of fifty thousand boys and a hundred thousand parents. Look at these congratulations pouring in! I tell you, gentlemen, by this one statesman-like act, I have-- -Look here, Jim--if you and Joe are going to gab about this appointment *any* longer, I'm going ahead and see those committees! You'll see those committees when we're finished! -You'll see those committees when we're finished! Yes, Jim. -One minute! Just one minute! Happy, we've got the man. Horace Miller! -Happy, we've got the man. Horace Miller! Horace Mill--! -Happy, for reasons there isn't time to go into--it's got to be Miller! We've given you the man. Now write the ticket. Come on, Joe. Come on, Chick. Now, wait fellows--great Heavens. I've got to see those angry committees first--feel them out a little--work for harmony--harmony. -They put up *their* candidate? Who? Henry Hill. -Henry Hill. *Henry Hill?* That crackpot? That long-haired--! Why, you should have killed that so fast--! -*Henry Hill?* That crackpot? That long-haired--! Why, you should have killed that so fast--! I--I couldn't, Jim. Those men were-- -I--I couldn't, Jim. Those men were-- We can't help *what* they were! Forget 'em! -We can't help *what* they were! Forget 'em! Jim, that bunch is out for blood. If I throw Horace in their teeth now-- -Jim, that bunch is out for blood. If I throw Horace in their teeth now-- I said forget 'em! Horace Miller goes to the Senate--and that settles it! -I said forget 'em! Horace Miller goes to the Senate--and that settles it! I *won't* send Horace Miller! -I *won't* send Horace Miller! *You won't?* -*You won't?* I *won't* let you stand there callously and perhaps wreck my whole political future! -I *won't* let you stand there callously and perhaps wreck my whole political future! *Your* political future! I bought it for you and made you a present. And I can grab it back so fast it'll make your head spin. You got a nerve to stand there and worry about just *your future* when we're in this spot! The man is--*Miller*. ---a *boy ranger* a squirrel chaser-- to the United States Senate! Jim--the answer to a prayer--manna from heaven--the man *we want*--and the votes *we need*-- -What! Joe--*you* know what I'm talking about. The perfect man. Never in politics in his life. Wouldn't find out what it's all about in two *years*, lets alone two months. But the important thing--and this was the genius of the stroke--*it means votes*! -But you went ahead and made this appointment without asking me-- Jim--when the lightning hit, I--I just-- -Jim--when the lightning hit, I--I just-- *But you never asked me*! -*But you never asked me*! Oh--Jim! -Boy Ranger! The answer to a prayer. Manna from heaven! Didn't know the time of day--! Will you please tell me *exactly* what he's done? -Will you please tell me *exactly* what he's done? Yes! He's about to blow the whole machine to smithereens--and *you with it*, Mr. Governor! -Yes! He's about to blow the whole machine to smithereens--and *you with it*, Mr. Governor! Me! Jim--how--? -Me! Jim--how--? You couldn't understand! Listen, Ten Thumbs, I'll be on my way to Washington in half an hour. Whatever happens, I'm all ready for this Ranger of yours. Never mind how. You'll get your instructions from Ken Allen here. It isn't anything you have to do. I wouldn't trust you to lick a stamp. Allen'll do it himself. You just use your *high office* to help him get it done. Understand? -You couldn't understand! Listen, Ten Thumbs, I'll be on my way to Washington in half an hour. Whatever happens, I'm all ready for this Ranger of yours. Never mind how. You'll get your instructions from Ken Allen here. It isn't anything you have to do. I wouldn't trust you to lick a stamp. Allen'll do it himself. You just use your *high office* to help him get it done. Understand? Y-yes, Jim. -Y-yes, Jim. I doubt it! Come on, Ken. -Now--now--please--that's quite all right. Relax, boys-- This--this is a great honor, sir. I-- I-- -This--this is a great honor, sir. I-- I-- Not at all. I've come to pay you a personal and official--and I might say--a *tardy* tribute, Mr. Smith, for your recent heroic conduct. -Not at all. I've come to pay you a personal and official--and I might say--a *tardy* tribute, Mr. Smith, for your recent heroic conduct. Oh, now, I'm afraid that's been exaggerated some-- -Oh, now, I'm afraid that's been exaggerated some-- No. No. A signal service to the State. Yes, indeed. And not only that but-- uh--I've heard of your excellent work in leading and guiding our youth-- -No. No. A signal service to the State. Yes, indeed. And not only that but-- uh--I've heard of your excellent work in leading and guiding our youth-- Well--that's not work, sir--that's fun. -Well--that's not work, sir--that's fun. "No doubt. No doubt. And this fine little paper--""Boy Stuff""--with, I dare say, an *enormous* circulation in the State." -Well--yes--I was saying--the State should reward you-- Aw-- -Aw-- --And it is in my power to confer a very signal honor upon you. In my official capacity, therefore, I-- ---And it is in my power to confer a very signal honor upon you. In my official capacity, therefore, I-- Ma! Hold him! -Thanks, Governor--*yes*! Do you mind? His head--Ma'll take the tail. The--head? -The--head? Just get one hand against each ear there--keep his face straight up. -What were you saying, Governor? Sorry. I said, sir--in my official capacity-- as an honorary gesture--I appoint you to the United States Senate! -What's the matter, Dad? Is it getting you down? Is *what* getting me down? -Gosh, Pop--head of the Boy Rangers! Oh, a *boy*! -I did. What about it? Well, Jeff put that out himself. -Well, Jeff put that out himself. Himself! -"""Boy Stuff."" That's the name of Jeff's magazine. He prints it. Look--here's one--oh, it's great-- *everybody* reads it--all the kids in the State--a million of 'em. Look, Pop--let me read you a--" Peter, I'm in no mood to hear childish prattle! -"He's the greatest *American* we got, too, Dad. Can tell what George Washington said--by heart. An' ""Boy Stuff's"" got the swellest stuff in it." What stuff? -No, *sir*! You couldn't do better, Dad. Than what? -Than what? Jeff for Senator. -Jeff for Senator. Emma! Will you *please*--? -A dirty frame! Emma! -I *thought* I heard... Yes? Uh--Jefferson Smith's residence? -Uh--Jefferson Smith's residence? Yes. Come in. -Yes. Come in. Is--uh--Jefferson Smith at home? -Is--uh--Jefferson Smith at home? Certainly. Step right in. -Well--it started with a little mimeograph sheet--and it's just grown out of all sense and reason-- Excellent! Excellent! My boy, I'm convinced our State has a great debt of gratitude to you-- -Maybe you'd like to come along and watch, Governor? Jefferson's done a wonderful job with that leg. Why, of course. -A pet shop? Well, it sort of got to be--from Jeff just pullin' splinters and things-- -I just can't, son--not the head and tail both! Uh--could--could I help--? -Gee, I wouldn't appoint an old twerp like Horace Miller--Taylor or no Taylor! Taylor! May I ask what *Taylor* has to do with it? -Taylor! May I ask what *Taylor* has to do with it? Well, he's still running the show, ain't he, Dad? -Well, he's still running the show, ain't he, Dad? Emma! I will not have conversations of this sort carried on by the children at dinner! -That's easy. Jefferson Smith. I beg your pardon? -When Jeff gets through with Taylor, Pop-- When Jeff gets through with Taylor-- Quiet! What do you mean by breaking in here--? Get out! Get *out* of here! -Washington! Yeah, for the fifth time, Senator-- Washington. -Yeah, for the fifth time, Senator-- Washington. My pigeons--I better see about my pigeons. -My pigeons--I better see about my pigeons. The porter's got them. They're coming. -The porter's got them. They're coming. Just a minute, I better make sure. -Just a minute, I better make sure. Boy! My head's like a balloon--for two whole days. I never knew there was so much American history. -Here they are--I got them. They are all right. Well, that ends that crisis. This way, Senator. -All right, Senator--let's get these bags and the livestock together-- Look! There it is! -Look! There it is! What? Who? -You should hear our Ranger Band rattle that off--if you want to *hear* something! Good evening, Miss Saunders. Good evening Mister McGann. H'ya, Senator. I--I've sorta been looking for you-- -H'ya, Senator. I--I've sorta been looking for you-- You have? Will you come in a minute, Miss Saunders. -Uh--Senator--I thought you and me might go out to dinner together--and grab off a few monuments. Oh, I couldn't tonight. Thanks a lot. -He's a newspaper publisher I know-- and-- What makes you think he's got *anything* to do with it? -What makes you think he's got *anything* to do with it? Saunders said--this whole thing was *his* idea to get graft--! -Where were you? To--to a reception--uh--for a princess-- I forget her name-- -Mr. President! Mr. President! -Mr. President! I addressed the Chair first, sir! -I addressed the Chair first, sir! I am about to ask for a roll call on the passage of the Resolution--without further delay. The Senator can have nothing to say at this time that would not be either in bad grace or-- -Will the Senator yield? For a question! -For a question! Has the gentleman the effrontery-- standing there convicted and in disgrace--to try to force the postponement of that bill--? -Has the gentleman the effrontery-- standing there convicted and in disgrace--to try to force the postponement of that bill--? For one week! -For one week! Is he fully aware that this bill has been months in both Houses--delayed and delayed--millions will be without food and shelter until its passage-- public works to relieve unemployment will be at a standstill--government agencies will be forced to suspend-- ? -Will the Senator yield for a question? I yield. -I yield. In view of the gentleman's touching concern for the Senators, would he permit a motion to recess until the morning--at which time he could continue to educate this august body with his profound babblings? -Well, it isn't much, but if you insist, here's this week's. """Boy Stuff."" Why, printer's ink runs in your veins, Jeff. You're just like your father." -"""Boy Stuff."" Why, printer's ink runs in your veins, Jeff. You're just like your father." Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir. Even to the hat. Same old dreamer, too. One look at you and I can see him, back of his old roll top desk, hat and all, getting out his paper. Always kept his hat on his head so as to be ready to do battle. Clayton Smith, editor and publisher, and champion of lost causes. -Even to the hat. Same old dreamer, too. One look at you and I can see him, back of his old roll top desk, hat and all, getting out his paper. Always kept his hat on his head so as to be ready to do battle. Clayton Smith, editor and publisher, and champion of lost causes. Yeah, Dad always used to say the only causes worth fighting for were lost causes. -Yeah, Dad always used to say the only causes worth fighting for were lost causes. You don't have to tell me Jeff. We were a team, the two of us, a struggling editor and a struggling lawyer. The twin champions of lost causes, they used to call us. -You don't have to tell me Jeff. We were a team, the two of us, a struggling editor and a struggling lawyer. The twin champions of lost causes, they used to call us. Ma's told me about it a thousand times. -Ma's told me about it a thousand times. His last fight was his best, Jeff. He and his little four-page paper against that mining syndicate and all to defend the right of one small miner who stuck to his claim. You know, they tried everything, bribery, intimidation, then--well-- -His last fight was his best, Jeff. He and his little four-page paper against that mining syndicate and all to defend the right of one small miner who stuck to his claim. You know, they tried everything, bribery, intimidation, then--well-- Yes, Ma found him slumped over his desk that morning... -Yes, Ma found him slumped over his desk that morning... Shot in the back. I was there. I can see him at that old roll top desk, still with his hat on... still with his hat on... -Shot in the back. I was there. I can see him at that old roll top desk, still with his hat on... still with his hat on... I know. I suppose, Mr. Paine, when a fellow bucks up against a big organization like that, one man by himself can't get very far, can he? -I know. I suppose, Mr. Paine, when a fellow bucks up against a big organization like that, one man by himself can't get very far, can he? No. -I mean, sir--if I'm going to stay in the Senate--I ought to know what I'm doing--at least, I ought to try to study the Bills that are coming up-- The *Bills*? Jeff--let me advise you-- as your father would--politics is a business--sometimes a cruel business. In your time here, you couldn't even start on those Bills. They're put together by legal minds--after a long study. Why, after twenty years, I can't understand half of them myself. No, really, Jeff--in your own interests-- -The *Bills*? Jeff--let me advise you-- as your father would--politics is a business--sometimes a cruel business. In your time here, you couldn't even start on those Bills. They're put together by legal minds--after a long study. Why, after twenty years, I can't understand half of them myself. No, really, Jeff--in your own interests-- Well, then--I--I don't feel I can stay, sir. -Well, then--I--I don't feel I can stay, sir. Jeff, look--didn't you say something to the papers about wanting to create a National Boys' camp? Were you in earnest about that? -Jeff, look--didn't you say something to the papers about wanting to create a National Boys' camp? Were you in earnest about that? Yes, I was-- -Yes, I was-- Well, why not do it? There's a job for you. Get a Bill started to accomplish it--present it to Congress-- it would be a great experience-- -Well, why not do it? There's a job for you. Get a Bill started to accomplish it--present it to Congress-- it would be a great experience-- Senator Paine, if I could do just that one thing while I'm here, I-- I'd feel that I-- -Senator Paine, if I could do just that one thing while I'm here, I-- I'd feel that I-- What's to stop you? Saunders will help you with it-- -What's to stop you? Saunders will help you with it-- I will, sir! I will! I--I don't know how to thank you. I knew, if any man could help me-- -I will, sir! I will! I--I don't know how to thank you. I knew, if any man could help me-- Nonsense, Jeff. -Nonsense, Jeff. Thank you, sir. Thank you for your time. -Thank you, sir. Thank you for your time. Here--where are you running off to? -Here--where are you running off to? Well, I'm sort of anxious to get back to the office-- -I'm sorry! Gee! I hope-- That's all right, my boy--don't bother-- -That's all right, my boy--don't bother-- Gosh! Well--looks good as new. If there *is* any damage, I'll-- -Gosh! Well--looks good as new. If there *is* any damage, I'll-- Good as new! It's quite all right-- -Well--goodnight. Goodnight, Jeff. -Goodnight, Jeff. Goodnight, Miss Paine. ---I may not know much about a lot of things, sir--but I know that Willet Creek country like a book--and--and I tell you, Senator Paine--there's something *wrong* about this dam-- why, there isn't a foot of water in that creek--it's dry four months out of the-- Jeff--listen--this was all taken up in the State Legislature and approved-- they're going to divert waters from up above-- -Jeff--listen--this was all taken up in the State Legislature and approved-- they're going to divert waters from up above-- But--there are a hundred other places in the state that *need* the water. Besides--I talked to Kenneth Allen, who owns some of that land--and he didn't say anything about a dam. No-- I'm sure, sir--there's something wrong--and I--I won't vote on this thing until I get a lot of questions answered-- -But--there are a hundred other places in the state that *need* the water. Besides--I talked to Kenneth Allen, who owns some of that land--and he didn't say anything about a dam. No-- I'm sure, sir--there's something wrong--and I--I won't vote on this thing until I get a lot of questions answered-- Jeff! You're trying to understand in a moment everything about a project that took two years to set up--the reasons--the benefits-- -Jeff! You're trying to understand in a moment everything about a project that took two years to set up--the reasons--the benefits-- Yes--the *benefits*! What's a man called Taylor got to do with this? -Y-yes. Mr. President--gentlemen--I--I have risen to a painful duty--to say that, out of evidence that has come to my attention, I consider Senator Smith unworthy to address this body! -Yield *how*, sir? Will he yield for a question? -Will he yield for a question? Ah, now, that's better. -Ah, now, that's better. Will he *yield*? -Will he *yield*? For a *question*. -For a *question*. Does my colleague's piece concern Section Forty of the bill--a dam on Willet Creek? -Does my colleague's piece concern Section Forty of the bill--a dam on Willet Creek? It does! -It does! Every *aspect* of this matter--the gentleman's attack on that section-- everything--was dealt with in the committee hearing-- -Every *aspect* of this matter--the gentleman's attack on that section-- everything--was dealt with in the committee hearing-- Mr. President-- -Mr. President-- I wish to ask the gentleman--has he one shred of evidence to add now to the defense he did not give--and *could* not give at that same hearing? -I wish to ask the gentleman--has he one shred of evidence to add now to the defense he did not give--and *could* not give at that same hearing? I have no defense against forged papers and-- -I have no defense against forged papers and-- The committee ruled otherwise! The gentleman stands guilty as charged. And I believe I speak for all the members when I say that no one cares to hear what a man of his condemned character has to say about *any* section of *any* legislation before this house! -Will the Senator-- I will not yield, sir! This same man-- Mister Taylor--came here to offer me a place in this Senate for twenty years, if I would vote for a dam that he knew and *I* knew was a *fraud*! But if I opened my mouth against it, he promised to break me in two! And I stood here one day and tried--I *started* to open my mouth-- and it all came to pass. The long, powerful arm of Mister James Taylor reached right into this sacred chamber and took me by the scruff of the neck-- -Mr. President! A point of order! Mr. President-- -Mr. President-- He has imputed to me conduct unworthy a Senator--and I demand he be made to yield the floor--! -He has imputed to me conduct unworthy a Senator--and I demand he be made to yield the floor--! Mr. President--I did not say that Senator Paine was one of those Congressmen I saw. If the chair please, I will deny that Senator Paine *saw* Taylor or even knows him-- -Mr. President--I did not say that Senator Paine was one of those Congressmen I saw. If the chair please, I will deny that Senator Paine *saw* Taylor or even knows him-- I *did* see Taylor! And I was in that room! -Yes, sir, I yield for a question. The gentleman has said repeatedly that he is speaking to the people of his State. He has been waiting, as he so fancifully puts it, for them to come marching here in droves. Would the gentleman be interested in knowing what those people have to say? -Yes, sir, you bet I would. Mr. President, have I permission to bring into this Chamber evidence of the response from my State? -Please, sir!--come with me! No, Jeff--please--! -No, Jeff--please--! I say it's *your* parade, sir! You've *got* to come! -Good evening, sir. I was just making some-- Governor Hopper! Well--I'll go to Halifax! -Oh, now-- Jefferson-- -Jefferson-- Yes, Ma? -Yes, Ma? Excuse me for interrupting, Governor, but-- --that plaster's gonna harden any second, son. -Excuse me for interrupting, Governor, but-- --that plaster's gonna harden any second, son. Gosh! You see sir--I was fixing some plaster for a cast on Amos' leg-- he's always chewing 'em off. I'll only be a minute--if you'll excuse me, sir-- -Jerry! Blackie! Queenie! Let's have it quiet, fellows! Now, now, now! It's all right, Governor. -Now, now, now--that isn't going to get you any place. Get a firm grip, Ma! Satan's in this little fella tonight! -Satan's in this little fella tonight! Sorry about this, Governor. But it won't take a minute. You were saying something in the other room, sir-- -Now, Amos, now-- What? What? -Hello, Jefferson. Hello, Ma. Clarissa, Ma. She'll be stayin' a while-- -Hello, Ma. Clarissa, Ma. She'll be stayin' a while-- Fine-- -Fine-- And Senator Paine too, Ma--we'd like to have him-- -And Senator Paine too, Ma--we'd like to have him-- Certainly would, Joseph. -Certainly would, Joseph. How's Amos, Ma? -How's Amos, Ma? Just fine. -Just fine. We'd better see. -Well. I hear you've been right on your toes since you got here. Pitching right in. Lots of people took you for dumb--but they're wrong. You're smart. In fact, *I* think you're smart enough to understand a situation when it's explained to you-- Like what, Mr. Taylor? -Like what, Mr. Taylor? Well now--just to take an example-- putting up a dam--on Willet Creek. As I look at it--that dam's going to do the people of our state a lot of good-- -Well now--just to take an example-- putting up a dam--on Willet Creek. As I look at it--that dam's going to do the people of our state a lot of good-- Yes, so I was told, Mr. Taylor, but-- -Yes, so I was told, Mr. Taylor, but-- But you have some objections here and there. And maybe right, for all I know. But the point is--there's no sense stopping the whole works now-- specially after some men have worked hard for a long time to put this through-- -But you have some objections here and there. And maybe right, for all I know. But the point is--there's no sense stopping the whole works now-- specially after some men have worked hard for a long time to put this through-- What is your interest in this, Mr. Taylor? -What is your interest in this, Mr. Taylor? Mine? Why--naturally--whatever benefits the state is mighty important to me--owning a lot of its industry-- newspapers and other odds and ends. And if I thought you had the welfare of the state at heart, like myself-- for instance, if you were to turn around and help a project like this along instead of standing in the way-- why, I'd say you were a man to watch. For a fellow your age, you'd be in a spot to make a great start in life. If you liked business--you could pick any job in the state and go right to the top. Or politics. If you like being a Senator. No reason why you couldn't come back to that Senate for the rest of your life. -Can't you? You mean--you tell these men--and Senator Paine what to do? -You mean--you tell these men--and Senator Paine what to do? Yes! I've told Senator Paine for twenty years-- -Yes! I've told Senator Paine for twenty years-- You're a liar! -What is it? Office of--Senator Smith? -Office of--Senator Smith? *No*! -*No*! The man downstairs said number-- -The man downstairs said number-- No! -What's your name? J-Jefferson Smith. -Is--is something the matter? Oh, no--no! My dear *Senator*--it may be customary out on the prairie to take French leave of people and not be heard of again for five hours-- -Oh, no--no! My dear *Senator*--it may be customary out on the prairie to take French leave of people and not be heard of again for five hours-- Gee--I'm sorry about that, Miss--you *are* Miss Saunders, aren't you? -Gee--I'm sorry about that, Miss--you *are* Miss Saunders, aren't you? Yes, I'm Saunders--and this is Mr. Moore--a member of the press. Meet the *Senator*, Mr. Moore. -Yes, I'm Saunders--and this is Mr. Moore--a member of the press. Meet the *Senator*, Mr. Moore. Pleased to meet you, sir. -Gee, I'm sorry. You see, it wasn't until I was fairly well along in the bus that I realized-- Did you say--bus? -Did you say--bus? One of those sightseers--you know. You see, I--gosh, I've never been called absent-minded or... but there it was all of a sudden--looking right at me through one of the station doors-- -One of those sightseers--you know. You see, I--gosh, I've never been called absent-minded or... but there it was all of a sudden--looking right at me through one of the station doors-- There *what* was? -There *what* was? The Dome--the Capitol Dome-- ---big as life--sparkling away there under the sun. I--I started walking toward it--and there was a bus outside-- and--well--I--I just naturally got aboard-- Most natural thing in the world! -Most natural thing in the world! I don't believe I've been so thrilled in my--oh, and that Lincoln Memorial! Gee! There he is--Mr. Lincoln--looking right at you as you come up the steps-- sitting there like he was waiting for someone to come along-- -I don't believe I've been so thrilled in my--oh, and that Lincoln Memorial! Gee! There he is--Mr. Lincoln--looking right at you as you come up the steps-- sitting there like he was waiting for someone to come along-- Well--he's got nothing on me. -Now, if you're ready, Senator, we can start for the hotel. I'll *see* that you get there. Yes--I think maybe you'd better. -Whose statue is that? I wouldn't know in the *day time*. -The Capitol Dome! Lighted up! You--uh--you better relax, Senator. You'll be plumb wore out. -You--uh--you better relax, Senator. You'll be plumb wore out. Tell me, Miss Saunders--what time does the Senate--uh--what do they call it? -Tell me, Miss Saunders--what time does the Senate--uh--what do they call it? Convene? -Convene? Convene--that's it--yes. I got to pick up some of those parliamentary words. I imagine a fellow can get pretty lost in the Senate without 'em-- -Convene--that's it--yes. I got to pick up some of those parliamentary words. I imagine a fellow can get pretty lost in the Senate without 'em-- With or without 'em. Twelve--noon. The Senate convenes at twelve o'clock. -With or without 'em. Twelve--noon. The Senate convenes at twelve o'clock. Gosh--that'll be something! You know what I better do in the morning? -Gosh--that'll be something! You know what I better do in the morning? No. What had you better--? -No. What had you better--? Go out to Mount Vernon. It'd be a sort of fine thing to do--see Washington's home just before walking into the Senate for the first time-- don't you think? -Go out to Mount Vernon. It'd be a sort of fine thing to do--see Washington's home just before walking into the Senate for the first time-- don't you think? Oh--a wonderful thing--yes. Get you right in the mood--yes--yes. -No, gee--I couldn't stay here-- You *couldn't*? -You *couldn't*? I mean--gosh--I wouldn't be comfortable in a--I--I haven't got clothes and things like that--and--I couldn't keep pigeons *there*--No--I-- I just--just wouldn't be-- -Go ahead--punch. Punch? -Punch? I had a lot to do with that little press conference last night-- -I had a lot to do with that little press conference last night-- Well, then, I--I *thank* you, Miss Saunders! Nothing better could have happened--. Yes *sir*, Miss Saunders, we're going right ahead with it! -Well, then, I--I *thank* you, Miss Saunders! Nothing better could have happened--. Yes *sir*, Miss Saunders, we're going right ahead with it! We're going right ahead with--*what*? -We're going right ahead with--*what*? Why, the Bill--the Bill--to make a National Boys' Camp... -Why, the Bill--the Bill--to make a National Boys' Camp... One moment, Senator. Do I understand you're going to present a *Bill*? -One moment, Senator. Do I understand you're going to present a *Bill*? Sure! A Bill. Senator Paine and I decided it was the one way in the world I could make myself-- -Sure! A Bill. Senator Paine and I decided it was the one way in the world I could make myself-- Pardon me. Senator Paine decided this *with* you? -Pardon me. Senator Paine decided this *with* you? Yes. Sure. It was his idea. *I* should have been the one to think of it-- -Yes. Sure. It was his idea. *I* should have been the one to think of it-- My dear Senator, have you the faintest idea of what it takes to get a Bill passed? -My dear Senator, have you the faintest idea of what it takes to get a Bill passed? I know--but you--you're going to help. -I know--but you--you're going to help. If I were *triplets*, I couldn't--. Look, Senator--let me give you a rough idea. A member has a Bill in mind--like you--a camp. Right? -If I were *triplets*, I couldn't--. Look, Senator--let me give you a rough idea. A member has a Bill in mind--like you--a camp. Right? Right. -Right. Fine. Now, what does he do? He's got to sit down first and write it up. The where, when, why, how--and everything else. That takes time-- -Fine. Now, what does he do? He's got to sit down first and write it up. The where, when, why, how--and everything else. That takes time-- Oh, but this one is so simple. -Oh, but this one is so simple. I see. *This* one is so simple-- -I see. *This* one is so simple-- And with your help-- -And with your help-- Oh, yes. And *I'm* helping. Simple-- and I'm helping. So we knock this off in record-breaking time of--let's say three or four days-- -Oh, yes. And *I'm* helping. Simple-- and I'm helping. So we knock this off in record-breaking time of--let's say three or four days-- Oh, just a day-- -Oh, just a day-- A *day*! -A *day*! Tonight. -Tonight. Tonight. Look--uh--I don't want to seem to be complaining, Senator--but in all civilized countries, there's an institution called *dinner*--! -Tonight. Look--uh--I don't want to seem to be complaining, Senator--but in all civilized countries, there's an institution called *dinner*--! Oh--dinner. Yes. Well, I'm hungry, too. I thought--maybe--we could have something brought in--you know, like big executives who eat off trays. You see, we've got to light into this and get it going-- -Oh--dinner. Yes. Well, I'm hungry, too. I thought--maybe--we could have something brought in--you know, like big executives who eat off trays. You see, we've got to light into this and get it going-- Uh-huh. Well, dinner comes in on trays. We're executives. And we light into this. It is dawn. Your Bill is ready. You go over there and introduce it-- -Uh-huh. Well, dinner comes in on trays. We're executives. And we light into this. It is dawn. Your Bill is ready. You go over there and introduce it-- How? -How? You get to your feet in the Senate and present it. Then you take the Bill and put it in a little box-- like a letter box--on the side of the rostrum. Just hold it between thumb and forefinger and drop it in. Clerks read it and refer it to the right committee-- -You get to your feet in the Senate and present it. Then you take the Bill and put it in a little box-- like a letter box--on the side of the rostrum. Just hold it between thumb and forefinger and drop it in. Clerks read it and refer it to the right committee-- Committee, huh? -Committee, huh? Committee. -Committee. Why? -Why? That's how Congress--or any large body--is run. All work has to be done by committee. -That's how Congress--or any large body--is run. All work has to be done by committee. Why? -Why? Look--committees--small groups of Senators--have to sift a Bill down-- look into it--study it--and report to the whole Senate. You can't take a Bill no one knows anything about and discuss it among ninety-six men. Where would you get? -Look--committees--small groups of Senators--have to sift a Bill down-- look into it--study it--and report to the whole Senate. You can't take a Bill no one knows anything about and discuss it among ninety-six men. Where would you get? Yes, I see that. -Yes, I see that. Good. Where are we? -Good. Where are we? Some committee's got it. -Some committee's got it. Yes. They give it to a *sub*- committee, where they really give it a going over--hold hearings--call in people and ask questions--then report back to the bigger committee--where it's considered some more, changed, amended, or whatever. Days are going by, Senator. Days--weeks. Finally, they think it's quite a Bill. It goes over to the House of Representatives for debate and a vote. *But* it's got to wait its turn on the calendar-- -Yes. They give it to a *sub*- committee, where they really give it a going over--hold hearings--call in people and ask questions--then report back to the bigger committee--where it's considered some more, changed, amended, or whatever. Days are going by, Senator. Days--weeks. Finally, they think it's quite a Bill. It goes over to the House of Representatives for debate and a vote. *But* it's got to wait its turn on the calendar-- Calendar? -Calendar? That's the order of business. Your Bill has to stand *way* back there in line unless the Steering Committee decides it is important enough to be-- -That's the order of business. Your Bill has to stand *way* back there in line unless the Steering Committee decides it is important enough to be-- What's that? -What's that? What? -What? The Steering Committee. -The Steering Committee. Do you really think we're getting anywhere. -Do you really think we're getting anywhere. Yes. Sure. What's a Steering Committee? -Yes. Sure. What's a Steering Committee? A committee of the majority party leaders. They decide when a Bill is important enough to be moved up toward the head of the list-- -A committee of the majority party leaders. They decide when a Bill is important enough to be moved up toward the head of the list-- *This* is. -*This* is. Pardon me--*this* is. Where are we now? -Pardon me--*this* is. Where are we now? We're over in the House. -We're over in the House. Yes. House. More amendments--more changes--and the Bill goes back to the Senate--and *waits its turn on the calendar again*. The Senate doesn't like what the house did to the Bill. They make more changes. The House doesn't like *those* changes. Stymie. So they appoint men from each house to go into a huddle called a conference and battle it out. Besides that, all the lobbyists interested give cocktail parties for and against--government departments get in their two cents' worth--cabinet members--budget bureaus--embassies. Finally, if the Bill is alive after all this vivisection, it comes to a vote. Yes, sir--the big day finally arrives. And--nine times out of ten, they vote it down. Are you catching on, Senator? -Yes. House. More amendments--more changes--and the Bill goes back to the Senate--and *waits its turn on the calendar again*. The Senate doesn't like what the house did to the Bill. They make more changes. The House doesn't like *those* changes. Stymie. So they appoint men from each house to go into a huddle called a conference and battle it out. Besides that, all the lobbyists interested give cocktail parties for and against--government departments get in their two cents' worth--cabinet members--budget bureaus--embassies. Finally, if the Bill is alive after all this vivisection, it comes to a vote. Yes, sir--the big day finally arrives. And--nine times out of ten, they vote it down. Are you catching on, Senator? Yes. Shall we start on it right now-- or order dinner first? -Yes. Shall we start on it right now-- or order dinner first? Pardon? -Pardon? I said--shall we get started *now* or-- -I said--shall we get started *now* or-- Yes--sure. Why not? You don't mind if I take the time to get a pencil? -No! Go right ahead, Miss Saunders. Thanks very much. -Thanks very much. And a *lot* of paper! ---that's the main idea, Miss Saunders. The United States Government isn't going to buy or build this camp-- just lend us the money. You've made a note of that, huh? Yes, Senator--*twice*. -Yes, Senator--*twice*. Uh--have you? Did you ever have so much to say about something--you couldn't say it? -Uh--have you? Did you ever have so much to say about something--you couldn't say it? Try sitting down. -Try sitting down. I did--and--and I got right up. -I did--and--and I got right up. Now, let's get down to particulars. How big is this thing? Where is it to be? How many boys will it take care of? If they're going to buy it-- how do they make their contributions? Your Bill has to have all that in it-- -Now, let's get down to particulars. How big is this thing? Where is it to be? How many boys will it take care of? If they're going to buy it-- how do they make their contributions? Your Bill has to have all that in it-- And something else, too, Miss Saunders-- the spirit of it--the idea--the-- -On paper? "I want to make that come to life-- yes, and lighted up like that, too-- for every boy in the land. Boys forget what their country means--just reading ""land of the free"" in history books. And they get to be men--and forget even more. Liberty is too precious to get buried in books, Miss Saunders. Men ought to hold it up in front of them--every day of their lives and say: ""I am free--to think--to speak. My ancestors couldn't. I can. My children will.""" -"Well--gosh--that--that isn't ""particulars,"" is it?" But you've just taken care of the spirit all right. -But you've just taken care of the spirit all right. Well, anyway, it's *something* like that-- And it *is* important. That--that Steering Committee has *got* to see it that way. And I'm sure Senator Paine will do all he can-- He's a fine man, Miss Saunders, isn't he? He knew my father, you know. -Well, anyway, it's *something* like that-- And it *is* important. That--that Steering Committee has *got* to see it that way. And I'm sure Senator Paine will do all he can-- He's a fine man, Miss Saunders, isn't he? He knew my father, you know. He did? -He did? We need a lot like him--his kind of character--ideals. -We need a lot like him--his kind of character--ideals. Uh--getting back to this, Senator-- -Uh--getting back to this, Senator-- Yes, yes-- -Yes, yes-- Now, this camp is going to be out in your state, of course-- -Now, this camp is going to be out in your state, of course-- About two hundred of the most beautiful acres that ever were! Mountains, prairie land, trees, streams! A paradise for boys who live in stuffy cities-- You don't know that country out there, do you, Miss Saunders? -About two hundred of the most beautiful acres that ever were! Mountains, prairie land, trees, streams! A paradise for boys who live in stuffy cities-- You don't know that country out there, do you, Miss Saunders? No. -No. I've been over every foot of it. You couldn't have any idea. You'd have to see for yourself-- --the prairies--the wind leaning on the tall grass-- -You mean--here? Baltimore. Pure city-dweller. -Baltimore. Pure city-dweller. But you've had beautiful country all around you. You've just had to life up your eyes! -But you've had beautiful country all around you. You've just had to life up your eyes! City-dwellers never do that--for fear of what might drop *in* 'em. -City-dwellers never do that--for fear of what might drop *in* 'em. Have you always had to--work? -Have you always had to--work? Since sixteen or so. -Since sixteen or so. I take it your--your parents couldn't-- uh-- -I take it your--your parents couldn't-- uh-- No, they couldn't. Father was a doctor. The kind who placed ethics above collections. That speaks well for Father but it always left us kind of-- Could we get on with this, Senator? -No, they couldn't. Father was a doctor. The kind who placed ethics above collections. That speaks well for Father but it always left us kind of-- Could we get on with this, Senator? It hasn't been easy, has it? -It hasn't been easy, has it? No complaints. -No complaints. But--I mean--for a woman--And--you've done awfully well-- -But--I mean--for a woman--And--you've done awfully well-- Have I? -Have I? I never met anyone more--more intelligent--or capable. I--I don't know where I'd be on this bill of mine without your help-- -I never met anyone more--more intelligent--or capable. I--I don't know where I'd be on this bill of mine without your help-- I don't see where we are *with* it. -I don't see where we are *with* it. "No! Gosh! I better get moving here, Miss Saunders-- Everybody else calls you just plain ""Saunders."" Why can't I?" -"No! Gosh! I better get moving here, Miss Saunders-- Everybody else calls you just plain ""Saunders."" Why can't I?" Go right ahead. -Go right ahead. Saunders. That's better. Good morning, Saunders. Hello, Saunders. How's the bill coming, Saunders--? -Saunders. That's better. Good morning, Saunders. Hello, Saunders. How's the bill coming, Saunders--? Terrible, thank you. -Terrible, thank you. "Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, we've got ""Saunders"" settled. Maybe that was my trouble all along. YEs, *sir*. I'm all ready to go now-- What's your *first* name?" -"Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, we've got ""Saunders"" settled. Maybe that was my trouble all along. YEs, *sir*. I'm all ready to go now-- What's your *first* name?" Why? -Why? Well--nobody calls you anything but Saunders. -Well--nobody calls you anything but Saunders. I also answer to whistles. -I also answer to whistles. You--you've *got* a first name, haven't you? -You--you've *got* a first name, haven't you? Look--I think we ought to skip it. -Look--I think we ought to skip it. All right. Sure. Just curious. The picture popped into my mind all of a sudden of a pump without a handle-- or something-- -All right. Sure. Just curious. The picture popped into my mind all of a sudden of a pump without a handle-- or something-- Well, if it's all the same to you-- -Well, if it's all the same to you-- I know. It's--Violet. -I know. It's--Violet. It *is* not! -It *is* not! Abigail. -Abigail. No! -No! Letitia. -Letitia. No! -No! Lena. -Lena. No! Stop it! -No! Stop it! I've got more. You better tell me. -I've got more. You better tell me. You win. It's--Clarissa. -You win. It's--Clarissa. Clarissa. Oh. Uh-huh. Well, Saunders--let's go-- -Clarissa. Oh. Uh-huh. Well, Saunders--let's go-- Now, *Susan*--that's really a *pretty* name-- -Now, *Susan*--that's really a *pretty* name-- Susan! Susan Paine--that's beautiful-- -Susan! Susan Paine--that's beautiful-- And a beautiful woman, too--don't you think? -And a beautiful woman, too--don't you think? Yes. The most beautiful I think I ever--gee-- Say--we're *never* going to finish this thing! Now, here we go, Saunders. I'm going to talk faster'n you can write-- -Uh--Willet Creek. It's just a little stream-- In Terry Canyon? -In Terry Canyon? You--don't know it, do you? -You--don't know it, do you? No-- -No-- You couldn't. You've never been out there, you said. -You couldn't. You've never been out there, you said. No, I haven't. I guess I thought the name was familiar. By the way, you discussed with Senator Paine where the camp was to be situated and everything? -No, I haven't. I guess I thought the name was familiar. By the way, you discussed with Senator Paine where the camp was to be situated and everything? Well--no. I didn't. Why? -Well--no. I didn't. Why? "Nothing. I just wondered. No *reason* to take it up with him. ""--about a quarter of a mile on either side of Willet Creek--""" -"Nothing. I just wondered. No *reason* to take it up with him. ""--about a quarter of a mile on either side of Willet Creek--""" Yeah. This land to be bought by contributions from the boys. You have that. Money to be-- -What do they--? Who are all those--? One of the plagues on members of Congress--office-seekers, cranks, people with pet bills. Get my son into West Point--or *outta* West Point. I've got a scheme to put people to work. How do I get rid of cockroaches? Some woman's composed a hymn to replace the Star Spangled Banner. Want to hear it? -One of the plagues on members of Congress--office-seekers, cranks, people with pet bills. Get my son into West Point--or *outta* West Point. I've got a scheme to put people to work. How do I get rid of cockroaches? Some woman's composed a hymn to replace the Star Spangled Banner. Want to hear it? No--not today! Boy, I feel like a house afire! Saunders--how did I do? -No--not today! Boy, I feel like a house afire! Saunders--how did I do? Great. -Great. I--I don't know how I got it out. My heart was right up here all the time-- I wonder what Senator Paine thought of it? -I--I don't know how I got it out. My heart was right up here all the time-- I wonder what Senator Paine thought of it? Must have been tickled pink. -Must have been tickled pink. Gee--I hope so. What's all this? -Gee--I hope so. What's all this? Contributions from boys who read about your camp. -Contributions from boys who read about your camp. Already? All these letters? -Already? All these letters? Oh, those are only local. Wait'll they start pouring in from all over the country. -Oh, those are only local. Wait'll they start pouring in from all over the country. "Do you mean all--look--look we'd better open them up--see what they say here--look at the money--what does it say--""Dear Senator Smith, I would like to come to your boy's camp and I shine shoes at the station and here's nine cents."" Oh, isn't that wonderful. Look and he signs it. ""Yours truly, Stinky Moore."" Isn't that marvelous? Say--have I got some paper here?" -"Do you mean all--look--look we'd better open them up--see what they say here--look at the money--what does it say--""Dear Senator Smith, I would like to come to your boy's camp and I shine shoes at the station and here's nine cents."" Oh, isn't that wonderful. Look and he signs it. ""Yours truly, Stinky Moore."" Isn't that marvelous? Say--have I got some paper here?" Second drawer. -Second drawer. Good! I'm going to be pretty busy tonight-- -Good! I'm going to be pretty busy tonight-- Not another bill? -Not another bill? No! Letters. I've got to write to the Rangers and Ma--and--I'm bustin' with news! Why, I've introduced a bill! Me--Jeff Smith. I got up and talked in the Senate! -No! Letters. I've got to write to the Rangers and Ma--and--I'm bustin' with news! Why, I've introduced a bill! Me--Jeff Smith. I got up and talked in the Senate! Do you want to dictate them? -Do you want to dictate them? The letters? Gosh--no. I couldn't talk letters. I've gotta scratch 'em out. And say--I'm going to tell Ma all about you. If I tell it right-- the first thing you know you're going to get the best jar of preserves you ever tasted. -The letters? Gosh--no. I couldn't talk letters. I've gotta scratch 'em out. And say--I'm going to tell Ma all about you. If I tell it right-- the first thing you know you're going to get the best jar of preserves you ever tasted. Thanks a lot. -Thanks a lot. Oh--*Saunders*! -I--I--gee whiz--I didn't thank you! Don't mention it-- -Don't mention it-- I mean it. I--without you, I could't've-- -Yes--right here. Just a second-- Miss Paine. *Who*! Miss--! Is that--? Why didn't you--? Holy smoke; H-hello... Yes, Miss Paine... How-- how are you, Miss Paine...? What?... Escort *you* Gee--I mean--*sure*-- *yes*! I'd be--. Reception for a *princess*! Gosh!... Thanks, Miss Paine. Yes. I--I'll be there! Goodbye, Miss Paine. Did you hear that?--Escort Susan Paine--reception for a princess! Imagine her calling me--asking *me*-- ! -*Who*! Miss--! Is that--? Why didn't you--? Holy smoke; H-hello... Yes, Miss Paine... How-- how are you, Miss Paine...? What?... Escort *you* Gee--I mean--*sure*-- *yes*! I'd be--. Reception for a *princess*! Gosh!... Thanks, Miss Paine. Yes. I--I'll be there! Goodbye, Miss Paine. Did you hear that?--Escort Susan Paine--reception for a princess! Imagine her calling me--asking *me*-- ! Get your hat, Senator. We've got a lot to do between now and tomorrow-- -Get your hat, Senator. We've got a lot to do between now and tomorrow-- Wow! -"I know. Don't tell me. It was a wonderful party. Your suit went over big. And she looked beautiful, and she gave her hand when you left her-- and said--""Thank you, Mr. Smith."" Oh, but it was the way she *said* it. You like to fell through the floor--Horseradish!" Saunders--! -Saunders--! And you're writing Ma all about it. And your pigeons will carry the message of love. And the first thing you know--Susan Paine'll get the best jar of preserves she ever tasted! -And you're writing Ma all about it. And your pigeons will carry the message of love. And the first thing you know--Susan Paine'll get the best jar of preserves she ever tasted! Are you drunk? -Hello. Saunders-- -Well gee--how--how've you been, Saunders? I--I haven't seen you in-- . I suppose--now that you're married-- I'm not. -No. That night--I--well, *you* know-- I was pretty--. No--Diz is a--a sort of brother, that's all-- That's funny. I thought all along-- Gee--I--I'm glad to see you. I *thought* of you--I mean--I wanted to talk to someone and--well-- --Mr. Lincoln hasn't much to say-- Saunders--I'm not fit to sit up in the Senate--haven't you heard?--I robbed boys of their pennies and dimes! -What are you going to do? I--I don't know. I--I'm afraid they've got me licked. -It might save some of the pieces, Jeff. It would leave a doubt about the whole thing--about you. Might blow over, this way. Yeah. I see. Well--that's about the only thing to do. Don't you think? -Yeah. I see. Well--that's about the only thing to do. Don't you think? Well, I guess it's a chance. -Well, I guess it's a chance. Yeah. I guess--sometimes--Senator Paine must be right. Sometimes you-- you got to compromise a little-- And if you say so too, Saunders--if *you* think that's the thing to do-- -Yeah. I guess--sometimes--Senator Paine must be right. Sometimes you-- you got to compromise a little-- And if you say so too, Saunders--if *you* think that's the thing to do-- I *don't* think that's the thing to do! No! I think what you ought to do is--*fight*! -I *don't* think that's the thing to do! No! I think what you ought to do is--*fight*! Wait-- -Wait-- What you *have* to do is fight! -What you *have* to do is fight! But--I've done everything I-- -But--I've done everything I-- I don't care *what* you've done! Don't quit. Don't grab a measly chance like this to save a few pieces--other men could--but not you. As long as you lived, you'd remember you ran out and threw this country of yours to the jackals--! -I don't care *what* you've done! Don't quit. Don't grab a measly chance like this to save a few pieces--other men could--but not you. As long as you lived, you'd remember you ran out and threw this country of yours to the jackals--! Oh--Saunders-- -Oh--Saunders-- Jeff--listen--remember the day you got here?--what you said about Mr. Lincoln?--that he was sitting up there--watching--waiting for someone to come along? Well--that was *you*. Someone with a little plain, decent, uncompromising *rightness*--to root out the Taylors--yeah, and really light up that dome for once. This country could use some of that--so could the whole drunken, cockeyed world right now--a *lot* of it! And when the right man comes along--no matter *what* the odds--he can't *ever* quit! A little fellow called David walked out with only a sling- shot--but he had the *truth* on his side-- -Jeff--listen--remember the day you got here?--what you said about Mr. Lincoln?--that he was sitting up there--watching--waiting for someone to come along? Well--that was *you*. Someone with a little plain, decent, uncompromising *rightness*--to root out the Taylors--yeah, and really light up that dome for once. This country could use some of that--so could the whole drunken, cockeyed world right now--a *lot* of it! And when the right man comes along--no matter *what* the odds--he can't *ever* quit! A little fellow called David walked out with only a sling- shot--but he had the *truth* on his side-- Saunders--if there was *any* way-- -Saunders--if there was *any* way-- We'll *find* one! Only throw compromise out of the window--stick to Jeff Smith, the man who first came to this town--get up and *fight*-- and we'll find *some* way. I don't know where we'll wind up--but the flag'll be flying--! -Yay! Hurray! -Hurray! Where do we go from here? -Where do we go from here? To a hard night's work, son. Come on! -Jeff--wait--they want you to speak! Not *me*! Joseph Paine is the man they ought to be listening to! Come on! -Tell us about yourself, Senator! Hear you got a Boy's Club back home! Any ideas? Going to make things hum in the Senate, huh? Hold on, fellows--I'm not used to more then one question at a time-- -Ah! That's more like it! What? Well--for a couple of years now--I-- I've thought it would be a wonderful thing to have a National Boys' Camp out in our State-- -Well--for a couple of years now--I-- I've thought it would be a wonderful thing to have a National Boys' Camp out in our State-- A camp! Well! -A camp! Well! You see--if we could take the poor kids off the streets--out of cities-- a few months in the summer--learn something about Nature and American ideals-- -*Gentlemen*! Gentlemen are supposed to believe in something decent. Instead of twisting facts and making a joke of everything--why don't you tell the people the *truth* for a change? "The truth! Well, the man wants the truth! ""What *is* truth?"" asked so-and-so, and turned away!" -"The truth! Well, the man wants the truth! ""What *is* truth?"" asked so-and-so, and turned away!" That's what I said--the *truth*! -Whoa! Hold it! Pipe down! Come on, now--that's enough of that. If you thought as much of being honest-- as you do of being smart--! -Just for the fun of it.--You see the one that makes it back home in the fastest time, I am going to enter in the nationals. Wonderful! -Sure. Well, we *must* see a lot of you, Senator. Come, Father. -How--how do you do, Miss Paine? I--I apologize for looking like this-- I--I have to be going now-- How are the pigeons? -How are the pigeons? Fine--they're fine. Oh, Miss Paine, I--I want to apologize-- what the papers said I said about you--that wasn't true. I--I would never say a thing like that. -Fine--they're fine. Oh, Miss Paine, I--I want to apologize-- what the papers said I said about you--that wasn't true. I--I would never say a thing like that. Did you hear, Father? He didn't mean it when he said I was beautiful. -Did you hear, Father? He didn't mean it when he said I was beautiful. Oh--you are! -Oh--you are! Then you *did* say it. -Then you *did* say it. No--I mean--yes--that is-- -Well, goodbye, sir--and thank you again. Well--it--it was nice seeing you, Miss Paine-- Goodnight, Senator-- -I--I'm awfully glad to be--that is, it was nice of you to-- Uh--how's your father? Splendid. -Splendid. Uh--that's good. And--uh--you? -Uh--that's good. And--uh--you? I'm splendid, too. -I'm splendid, too. That's--that's splendid. -That's--that's splendid. And how's your bill, Senator? -And how's your bill, Senator? Oh, the bill. Oh--splendid--I mean-- I--I just can't seem to talk in this suit. I'll tell you a secret. It's brand new. -Oh, the bill. Oh--splendid--I mean-- I--I just can't seem to talk in this suit. I'll tell you a secret. It's brand new. Well! You don't say! -Well! You don't say! It's just as well to tell you--because if we're going to get off on the right foot--I mean--in case I act sort of strange--it's the suit. -It's just as well to tell you--because if we're going to get off on the right foot--I mean--in case I act sort of strange--it's the suit. Well--I-- -Well--I-- "Funnier things have happened. Ma says when Pa was courting her, he acted strange for months. Didn't make sense--or anything. And one day, on a hunch, Ma said: ""Clayton, so help me, you talk like a man whose collar is too tight to bear."" ""Not the collar, Mary,"" he said, ""my shoes."" ""Well, for land's sake,"" Ma said, ""Take the pesky things off!"" Which Pa did, an' they were engaged within a week." -"Funnier things have happened. Ma says when Pa was courting her, he acted strange for months. Didn't make sense--or anything. And one day, on a hunch, Ma said: ""Clayton, so help me, you talk like a man whose collar is too tight to bear."" ""Not the collar, Mary,"" he said, ""my shoes."" ""Well, for land's sake,"" Ma said, ""Take the pesky things off!"" Which Pa did, an' they were engaged within a week." You're not going to take your *suit* off! -You're not going to take your *suit* off! No! No! Gosh. See, there you are! I'm not making sense! -I don't understand, sir! I don't know what the gentleman-- The Senator has no voice in this chamber until the oath of office has been administered! -"""I do solemnly swear--that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States--against all enemies, foreign and domestic--that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same--that I take this obligation freely--without and mental reservation and purpose of evasion-- and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.""" """So help me God.""" -"""So help me God.""" Senator, you can talk all you want to, now. -The chair recognizes the rather strong- lunged junior Senator, Mr. Smith. I--I'm sorry, sir. I--I have a bill-- -The Senator understands he is limited to five minutes? Yes, sir-- -However, Senator Smith is still a member of this Body and as such has equal claim on the attention of the Chair-- You were about to recognize me, sir-- -You were about to recognize me, sir-- That is merely your *impression*, Senator. The Chair has yet to settle the question to its own satisfaction! -Order, gentlemen! Mr. President--I stand guilty as *framed*! Because Section Forty is graft, and I was ready to say so. I was ready to tell you that one man in my state--Mister James Taylor-- was putting that dam through for his own profit! -"Uh--Mr. President--you and I are about to be alone in here, sir. I'm not complaining for social reasons, but it'd be a pity if the gentlemen missed any of this. Mr. President--I call the chair's attention to Rule Five of the Standing Rules of the Senate Section Three. ""If it shall be found that a quorum is not present, a majority of the Senators present--,"" and that begins to look like me--""may direct the Sergeant-at-arms to request, and if necessary *compel* the attendance of the absent Senators."" Mr. President--*I so direct*." Ring the call to quorum. -"""--We hold these truths to be self- evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights--"" Well--looks like the night shift's comin' on." The Senator will please suspend until order is restored in the chamber. -Well, now--I wouldn't know about that. Mr. President--what happens to me in the morning--I mean about my having this floor to go on babbling? If the Senator permits this motion to recess he will not have the floor in the morning to babble or anything else, unless he is recognized first by the Chair. -Since the time of Adams--not Washington. How's that, buddy? -How's that, buddy? I said--I mean--Washington didn't live to see it finished. Congress didn't move here from Philadelphia till eighteen hundred. -I said--I mean--Washington didn't live to see it finished. Congress didn't move here from Philadelphia till eighteen hundred. Oh--you're *sure* of that now? -Oh--you're *sure* of that now? Yes. Washington laid the cornerstone though--wearing an apron for the ceremony that was embroidered by Madame Lafayette-- -Yes. Washington laid the cornerstone though--wearing an apron for the ceremony that was embroidered by Madame Lafayette-- Yes, *sir*. Let's *go* Henry. -One moment, friends, let's give the Senator a break. Now, where'd you say you studied law? Well--I haven't needed much law so far--what I'd like to get first is a little common sense-- -Well--I haven't needed much law so far--what I'd like to get first is a little common sense-- Swell! -Ax? A pet idea--you know--pension bill-- save the buffalo--you've got *one* notion you think would be good for this country, haven't you? -A pet idea--you know--pension bill-- save the buffalo--you've got *one* notion you think would be good for this country, haven't you? Well--I have got *one* idea-- -Marvelous! And what would this camp set the Government back? Oh--nothing--nothing. My idea is-- for the Government to lend us the money--and the boys'll pay it back-- sending in a penny or a nickel--no more than a dime--no, gosh--the Government's got enough on its hands without-- -Oh--nothing--nothing. My idea is-- for the Government to lend us the money--and the boys'll pay it back-- sending in a penny or a nickel--no more than a dime--no, gosh--the Government's got enough on its hands without-- Great! The Government's putting dough in too many places *now*! -Yeah! How about it? You're a nature lover. Do you handle any of that sign language? Well--I can *manage*-- -Well! Hear anything? Any sign of him? How'd you like a punch in the nose? -How'd you like a punch in the nose? What! Who? -What! Who? That's what he's been doing since last heard from. -That's what he's been doing since last heard from. Whaddaya mean! What did *I* have to do with it? I don't blame the guy. Wow! Twenty-four hours in this town and nothing but dog-fights! And things aren't bad enough--last night I have to get a run-around from some wise dame-- -Whaddaya mean! What did *I* have to do with it? I don't blame the guy. Wow! Twenty-four hours in this town and nothing but dog-fights! And things aren't bad enough--last night I have to get a run-around from some wise dame-- My, my--you sho' are pahwerfully upset, Mister McGann--but you' awfully cute. -My, my--you sho' are pahwerfully upset, Mister McGann--but you' awfully cute. Yeah? Well, when I get my hands on a red-headed doll with a southern lingo, I'll-- -I wouldn't wait if I were you. What do you mean? What's going on? -What do you mean? What's going on? The Head Man's writing a Bill. -The Head Man's writing a Bill. A Bill! Not *him*! -What does he want to--? What's *he* doing writing a Bill? Why, he's a Senator, isn't he? I'm surprised at you, Mister McGann-- -You can't find it in racing forms, Chick. Fine thing Jim Taylor wished on me-- show him the monuments--I need this job like I need ten pounds. -Here, Jeff, I'll advance it for you.-- Fine introduction to the nation's capital! Here, I'll take a dozen of those things. Miss Paine. -H'ya, Carl--h'ya, Bill! Jeff--meet Mr. Cook and Mr. Griffith-- members of our State headquarters here. -Chick-- I've got 'im, Joe. Be right along. -Eleven B Street, Northeast. Take his bags and your own right over--and get yourself a room in the same place-- Listen, Joe--at least--after a day like this--I got one good bust coming before I start showing him monuments-- -Joe--drop everything and come with me! What's the matter? -Joe! You *told* him to! Yes--a camp bill that will never get beyond a first reading. So calm down, Chick--and--goodnight. -Did I hear right? Did he say *Willet Creek*? Let's get away from here. -Let's get away from here. That's dynamite, Joe! ---amazing coincidence! Of all places in the world--to choose Willet Creek for his boys' camp! Joe--I'm getting leery of this guy. We keep calling him dumb--and he keeps winding up in our hair! I'm telling you--when he finds out there's a dam going up where he wants his camp, he's gonna start asking questions six ways from Sunday-- -Joe--I'm getting leery of this guy. We keep calling him dumb--and he keeps winding up in our hair! I'm telling you--when he finds out there's a dam going up where he wants his camp, he's gonna start asking questions six ways from Sunday-- Be quiet, Chick--I'm trying to think-- This Deficiency Bill is going to be read in the Senate tomorrow. -Be quiet, Chick--I'm trying to think-- This Deficiency Bill is going to be read in the Senate tomorrow. Tomorrow! Joe--he'll hear the section on Willet Dam. He can't be there! -Tomorrow! Joe--he'll hear the section on Willet Dam. He can't be there! I know that. -I know that. Listen--tomorrow I take him to see monuments--if I have to hit him over the head with a couple! -Listen--tomorrow I take him to see monuments--if I have to hit him over the head with a couple! That won't work, Chick. This boy's honest, not stupid. -That won't work, Chick. This boy's honest, not stupid. Susan! -Susan! My daughter isn't here to carry out assignments like that for *anybody*. -My daughter isn't here to carry out assignments like that for *anybody*. Well, then--this is too much for *my* lame brain. I'm calling Jim Taylor. -Well, then--this is too much for *my* lame brain. I'm calling Jim Taylor. Jim's methods won't do in Washington. -Jim's methods won't do in Washington. Joe--listen--all Susan has to do is turn those big eyes on him--he'll fall all over himself--just keep him out of there *one afternoon*--while they read that bill-- ---I've used every argument in the world to try to turn him off. He just keeps coming back to the dam-- and what he knows-- Saunders! I'd like to tie her in a sack and drop her from the Brooklyn Bridge-- -Saunders! I'd like to tie her in a sack and drop her from the Brooklyn Bridge-- --now he wants to talk to the Congressmen from the Willet Creek districts--he's run their names down-- -Your Ranger's on the garbage pile, Happy! He's done for! Shut up! You've *got* the man pilloried! Do you have to dance around him like a cannibal--! -Who? Who? Your boss! A nut, huh? A nut! Wow! There's a *story* in this guy--! I smelled it! Go away, Nosey. -Go away, Nosey. Saunders--it's meat and drink--lemme at 'im! Five minutes--! I'll make it right with you! -What do I *mean*, huh? Uh--*I'll* tell ya--World's Series--a pass! In a month it's worth fifteen bucks! Well, well! -Look, Nosey--your pals would like to get in on this, wouldn't they? Hey--I wanna *scoop*! -Hey--I wanna *scoop*! Well, that's out. Either it's *lots* of reporters and *lots* of tickets or--. Now will you go and call 'em before I change my mind about the whole thing! -Well, that's out. Either it's *lots* of reporters and *lots* of tickets or--. Now will you go and call 'em before I change my mind about the whole thing! Okay. See you here. -You want to see me, Senator? Yes. Good morning, Saunders. Have you--uh--any idea how this happened? -Yes. Good morning, Saunders. Have you--uh--any idea how this happened? The ranger's notices? No idea at all. -The ranger's notices? No idea at all. No? -No? No--I'm sorry. I merely saw him home. I'm not supposed to tuck him in and give him his bottle. That's McGann's job. -No--I'm sorry. I merely saw him home. I'm not supposed to tuck him in and give him his bottle. That's McGann's job. By the way, Mr. McGann just phoned-- in a high fever. Smith's gone again. Have you any idea where? -By the way, Mr. McGann just phoned-- in a high fever. Smith's gone again. Have you any idea where? Yes. He went to Mount Vernon to give himself a patriotic address. -Yes. He went to Mount Vernon to give himself a patriotic address. Well--that's very fine. Saunders, some person in your office says you've quit-- -Well--that's very fine. Saunders, some person in your office says you've quit-- That's right. -That's right. Oh, now--that won't do-- -Oh, now--that won't do-- Look, Senator--I wasn't given a brain just to tell a Boy Ranger what time it is. What do you need me for? Get somebody else--get a registered nurse-- -Look, Senator--I wasn't given a brain just to tell a Boy Ranger what time it is. What do you need me for? Get somebody else--get a registered nurse-- You're the best nurse I can think of-- -You're the best nurse I can think of-- Nice *compliment*! -Nice *compliment*! I meant it for one. I meant--Sam Foley couldn't get along without you-- and neither can I at the moment-- -I meant it for one. I meant--Sam Foley couldn't get along without you-- and neither can I at the moment-- No? -No? You see--Governor Hopper made an appointment in this case that--well, Jeff isn't exactly fitted to the work, let's say. He's here to see monuments--and pass the time. That's important to--to my work--and everybody concerned. So, someone who can be trusted has to occupy him and keep him out of trouble-- -You see--Governor Hopper made an appointment in this case that--well, Jeff isn't exactly fitted to the work, let's say. He's here to see monuments--and pass the time. That's important to--to my work--and everybody concerned. So, someone who can be trusted has to occupy him and keep him out of trouble-- And I'm an old hand at following instructions-- -And I'm an old hand at following instructions-- You're more than that. I've had example of the fact that wild horses couldn't pull confidential matter in these two offices out of you. That's why I tell you what I do--about Smith and this situation. So, you see-- -You're more than that. I've had example of the fact that wild horses couldn't pull confidential matter in these two offices out of you. That's why I tell you what I do--about Smith and this situation. So, you see-- Yeah--I see I'm right where I've been for seven years-- -Yeah--I see I'm right where I've been for seven years-- You deserve a lot better. And I'll tell you what we'll do. Stay and play nurse, as you say--and if certain things happen I'm taking everybody up with me, and you'll get one of the biggest jobs in Washington. -You deserve a lot better. And I'll tell you what we'll do. Stay and play nurse, as you say--and if certain things happen I'm taking everybody up with me, and you'll get one of the biggest jobs in Washington. Yeah? And what else? -Yeah? And what else? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Well, when I first came to Washington, my eyes were big, blue question marks-- now they're big, green dollar marks-- -Well, when I first came to Washington, my eyes were big, blue question marks-- now they're big, green dollar marks-- I see. All right. You finish this job properly--and you get a handsome bonus besides-- -What do you want, Senator? Saunders--it's going to go pretty bad for Jeff tomorrow. There's only one thing that can be done for him now-- I--I've written his resignation. He resigns under protest--denying all charges. No one will ever be sure if he was guilty or not. It leaves him with at least a shred of honor. The other way--branded openly in the Senate--expelled--he'll never live it down. Rather a simple compromise than utter ruin. In a year--the whole thing might be forgotten-- -Saunders--it's going to go pretty bad for Jeff tomorrow. There's only one thing that can be done for him now-- I--I've written his resignation. He resigns under protest--denying all charges. No one will ever be sure if he was guilty or not. It leaves him with at least a shred of honor. The other way--branded openly in the Senate--expelled--he'll never live it down. Rather a simple compromise than utter ruin. In a year--the whole thing might be forgotten-- What are you driving at? You want *me* to get him to sign that? -What are you driving at? You want *me* to get him to sign that? Yes-- -Yes-- Why don't you do it yourself? -Why don't you do it yourself? He's lost complete faith in me-- -He's lost complete faith in me-- Well--me, too! -Well--me, too! But--you love him, don't you, Saunders? -But--you love him, don't you, Saunders? What are you talking about? What difference--? -What are you talking about? What difference--? Do you? -Do you? All right--*yes*! And what does that make me to him? *Nothing*! I've got to go about my own business--and forget it! -All right--*yes*! And what does that make me to him? *Nothing*! I've got to go about my own business--and forget it! I thought I could, too. *My* business--this fine future! I have no future I *care* about, if this boy is broken! I--I can't sleep. The only important thing in my life now is to save what I can for him. I want him to get a start again--I'll see that he's taken care of as long as he lives--! Saunders--whether you ever mean anything to him or not-- -I thought I could, too. *My* business--this fine future! I have no future I *care* about, if this boy is broken! I--I can't sleep. The only important thing in my life now is to save what I can for him. I want him to get a start again--I'll see that he's taken care of as long as he lives--! Saunders--whether you ever mean anything to him or not-- *Me! Me*! I *still* don't see why I should--! If you love him so much, why don't you go to him yourself and-- ? Or better still--get up in that Senate and *fight* for him! -*Me! Me*! I *still* don't see why I should--! If you love him so much, why don't you go to him yourself and-- ? Or better still--get up in that Senate and *fight* for him! It's too late now--it's *impossible*! -It's too late now--it's *impossible*! So I go right back where I was-- carrying compromises--covering up-- back to political tricks--this time for--! No! I was just getting rid of all that. If I did *anything*, I ought to go and tell him to stand up and--. No! I don't want any part of it! Smith or anything else! I'm all through. I want to be left alone! -Every word that boy said is the truth! I'm not fit for office! I'm not fit for any place of honor or trust in this land! Expel me--! He did it. -That Happy Hopper is tougher to handle than a prima-donna. --in other words, Jim--with this Willet Creek Dam on the fire--the man who goes to the Senate now in Sam Foley's place can't ask any questions or talk out of turn. We must be absolutely sure of him. ---in other words, Jim--with this Willet Creek Dam on the fire--the man who goes to the Senate now in Sam Foley's place can't ask any questions or talk out of turn. We must be absolutely sure of him. That's why I say Miller--Horace Miller. He jumped through hoops for the machine before we moved him up to the bench. He'll take orders. -That's why I say Miller--Horace Miller. He jumped through hoops for the machine before we moved him up to the bench. He'll take orders. Jim--suppose we didn't try to go through with this Willet Creek Dam-- suppose we postpone it until the next session of Congress--or drop it altogether-- -Jim--suppose we didn't try to go through with this Willet Creek Dam-- suppose we postpone it until the next session of Congress--or drop it altogether-- That'd be a crime--after all this work--getting it buried in this Deficiency Bill as nice as you please-- approved--all ready to roll-- -That'd be a crime--after all this work--getting it buried in this Deficiency Bill as nice as you please-- approved--all ready to roll-- How much does the Willet Dam mean to you, Jim? -How much does the Willet Dam mean to you, Jim? Joe--I've got a lot of people to take care of in this State. -Joe--I've got a lot of people to take care of in this State. I know, but is it worth the risk of a scandal now that a new man is going to the Senate? -I know, but is it worth the risk of a scandal now that a new man is going to the Senate? Joe--what's the matter with you-- where you're concerned, I wouldn't take the slightest risk--'specially now after the great reputation you've made in the Senate. Why, look at this campaign I've started for you in all my papers. You're the logical man from the West on the National ticket--at the convention, anything can happen-- -Joe, that's coming a long way in twenty years since I met you practising law down there in Main Street. Jim--if what you say about the future is remotely possible--why not do as I say--drop things like this dam? -Jim--if what you say about the future is remotely possible--why not do as I say--drop things like this dam? We can't drop it now, Joe. We bought the land around this Dam and we're holding it in dummy names. If we drop it or delay it--we are going to bring about investigations, and investigations will show that we own that land and are trying to sell it to the State under phoney names. No, Joe, in my judgment the only thing to do is push this Dam through--and get it over with. -We can't drop it now, Joe. We bought the land around this Dam and we're holding it in dummy names. If we drop it or delay it--we are going to bring about investigations, and investigations will show that we own that land and are trying to sell it to the State under phoney names. No, Joe, in my judgment the only thing to do is push this Dam through--and get it over with. Well, then appoint Miller--if you're sure he'll take orders. -Well, then appoint Miller--if you're sure he'll take orders. Don't worry about Horace--he'll take orders. Come on-- -Wait a minute, boys. Happy may have hit on something tremendous here. Rather than let Miller or anyone else in at this stage, we simply put blinders on this simple son of nature-- and turn him loose on monuments. He's completely out of the way in Washington, and as Happy says, you make political capital out of it at home. Joe--do you mean to say--do you think you can actually *handle* this--this whatever-you-call-it in Washington? -Joe--do you mean to say--do you think you can actually *handle* this--this whatever-you-call-it in Washington? A young patriot?--Who recites Jefferson and Lincoln?--turned loose in our nation's capital? I think I can. -A young patriot?--Who recites Jefferson and Lincoln?--turned loose in our nation's capital? I think I can. Chick--turn the ballyhoo boys loose on this right away. Greatest appointment ever made. A banquet-- declare a holiday. -That's him. Let him in. Wait a minute--Jim--you didn't ask *Smith* over here! -Wait a minute--Jim--you didn't ask *Smith* over here! What do you think? -What do you think? Jim, you can't come here and pull that steamroller stuff. Your methods won't do here. This boy is a Senator, however it happened, he's a Senator. This is Washington. -Jim, you can't come here and pull that steamroller stuff. Your methods won't do here. This boy is a Senator, however it happened, he's a Senator. This is Washington. Steamroller stuff, Joe? My methods don't go in Washington? They've done pretty well by now, haven't they? -Steamroller stuff, Joe? My methods don't go in Washington? They've done pretty well by now, haven't they? Oh, Jim, that's beside the point. This boy's different. He's honest and beside he thinks the world of me. We can't do this to him. -Oh, Jim, that's beside the point. This boy's different. He's honest and beside he thinks the world of me. We can't do this to him. Well, what do you want me to do? Stand around like you chump and let that drooling infant wrap that Willet Creek Dam appropriation around my neck. Either he falls in line with us and behaves himself or I'll break him so wide open they'll never be able to find the pieces. -Well, what do you want me to do? Stand around like you chump and let that drooling infant wrap that Willet Creek Dam appropriation around my neck. Either he falls in line with us and behaves himself or I'll break him so wide open they'll never be able to find the pieces. Jim, I won't stand for it. -Jim, I won't stand for it. You won't stand for it? -You won't stand for it? I don't want any part of crucifying this boy. -I don't want any part of crucifying this boy. Oh, I see. Out steamroller methods are getting too hard to your sensitive soul, is that it, Joe? The Silver Knight is getting to big for us. My methods have been all right for the past twenty years, Joe, since I picked you out of a fly-specked hole in the wall and blew you up to look like a Senator, and now you can't stand it. Well, maybe you won't have to stand it, Joe. Maybe we can fix it so you and your Boy Ranger can go home together. -Oh, I see. Out steamroller methods are getting too hard to your sensitive soul, is that it, Joe? The Silver Knight is getting to big for us. My methods have been all right for the past twenty years, Joe, since I picked you out of a fly-specked hole in the wall and blew you up to look like a Senator, and now you can't stand it. Well, maybe you won't have to stand it, Joe. Maybe we can fix it so you and your Boy Ranger can go home together. Jim, you don't have to-- -Jim, you don't have to-- Oh, it's all right--it's all right. It seems a shame, though, to part company like this after all these years, especially now with a national convention coming up. Joe, I've put everything I have behind you. And so did all of our friends, but I guess we'll survive. We'll just have to find somebody else that's got a little more sense, that's all. In the meantime, you explain to Mr. Smith about Willet Dam. It's your bill-- it's your reputation, and if he can't find enough facts to break you with, you just send him to me and I'll give him a couple of good ones. I'm taking the next plane home. -Oh, it's all right--it's all right. It seems a shame, though, to part company like this after all these years, especially now with a national convention coming up. Joe, I've put everything I have behind you. And so did all of our friends, but I guess we'll survive. We'll just have to find somebody else that's got a little more sense, that's all. In the meantime, you explain to Mr. Smith about Willet Dam. It's your bill-- it's your reputation, and if he can't find enough facts to break you with, you just send him to me and I'll give him a couple of good ones. I'm taking the next plane home. Jim, it's just that I like the kid-- I don't want to see you get too rough on him. -Jim, it's just that I like the kid-- I don't want to see you get too rough on him. I'm glad to see you come to your senses. You had me scared there for a minute, thought. Let him in. -Jeff--this is Mr. Taylor. Glad to know you, Senator. Meet the boys-- -Glad to know you, Senator. Meet the boys-- Congressmen, Radner, Schultz, Diggs-- -Jim! Just a minute, Joe! -Just a minute, Joe! You can't say *that* to-- -You can't say *that* to-- *I* know what I'm doing! I'll say what I *want*! -It's in your lap, Joe. Keep an eye on him. If he gets to his feet and says anything-- It's crucifying him--! -It's crucifying him--! Anything *better* to offer? -Anything *better* to offer? Maybe he won't get up. -Maybe he won't get up. But--if he *does*, Joe-- -Hey--Joe! Where you going? We've got to celebrate tonight! No--I--I'll take a walk-- -Jim--the boy's talking to that State-- the story is out--! Sure! The fight's in the open now-- to a finish--! -Sure! The fight's in the open now-- to a finish--! And if he can raise public opinion against us--if any *part* of this sticks-- -And if he can raise public opinion against us--if any *part* of this sticks-- He won't get started! I'll *make* public opinion out there in five hours. I've done it all my life! I'll blacken this punk until-- Joe--your job is back in the Senate-- keep those men fighting him *there*. -He won't get started! I'll *make* public opinion out there in five hours. I've done it all my life! I'll blacken this punk until-- Joe--your job is back in the Senate-- keep those men fighting him *there*. I hit him from the floor with everything I knew! -I hit him from the floor with everything I knew! Keep doing it! This is the whole works, Joe--we're out of business of bigger than we then we ever were. We can't miss a trick--we can't stop at *anything*--till this yokel's smashed up and buried so deep he'll never--! -Here, here, Susan--this is Jeff Smith-- our new Senator. I don't care to meet anybody until I get paid--come on--come on. One dollar each, please, for the Milk Fund. -How nice. All right, we'll take Jeff with us-- -All right, we'll take Jeff with us-- I'm afraid we won't have room in the car, Father. Senator Smith can follow with Mr. McGann and the pigeons. -His first 'whiff'! Such pretty knees for a big boy! -Such pretty knees for a big boy! Do I actually *see* this--? -Do I actually *see* this--? "Listen, Father! ""Young Lochinvar smitten with Susan Paine""!" -Father--oh. Jefferson dropped in for a minute, Susan. -Jefferson dropped in for a minute, Susan. How nice. How do you do, Senator? -Well, at the expense of some of the furniture, Susan--you've made another conquest. What! Not Ol' Honest Abe! -What! Not Ol' Honest Abe! And Honest Abe's ideals. A rare man-- these days. -Mr. President... Senator Paine. -Senator Paine. I present the credentials of Honorable Jefferson Smith who has just been appointed Senator by the Governor of my state. -Mr. President! Will the Senator yield? Will Senator Smith yield to--? -Will the Senator yield? Order! Will Senator Smith yield to--? -Senator Paine will state it! It was *I* who rose in this Chamber to accuse him. He is saying that I was carrying out criminal orders on falsified evidence-- -I accuse this man--by his tone--by his careful denials--he is deliberately trying to plant damaging impressions of my conduct--! *I'll* tell you why we were in tht room. Because Mr. Taylor, a respected citizen of our State, had brought with him the evidence against this man, later presented from this floor, and *we were urging him to resign*-- ! Order! -Order! --to avoid bringing disgrace upon a clean and honorable State! -Order! Finally, there was only one answer to a man like him--the truth--which I rose and gave to this body! Mr. President--he has told lie upon lie--every lie a desperate attempt to conceal his own guilt. And now, he is trying to blackmail this Senate-- as he tried to blackmail me! To prevent his expulsion, he would probably even try to hold up this Deficiency Bill--vital to the whole country--which must be passed immediately--*today*! *Anything*--to force you to clear his bad name and save his hide! Gentlemen--I--I have no more patience with this--this *rascally* character. I apologize to this body for his appointment--I regret I had ever known him. I--I'm sick and tired of this contemptible young man and I refuse to listen to him any longer! I hope every member of this body feels as I do! -Mr. President, will the Senator yield for a question? Will Senator Smith yield to his colleague? -Is there objection? You may proceed, Senator. Page boys! -No. Don't ever want to go out without telling us. Who are you? -Yeah, Mr. Cobb said stick to your tail no matter what. That's very nice of Mr. Cobb - but I don't want anybody sticking to my tail no matter what. -That's going to be fun. Some people like it. -Put that away, slug! At your service! I got a trunk in that room. Will you get it out for me? -I got a trunk in that room. Will you get it out for me? Certainly. -Good morning. Morning, neighbors. Morning. -I say, my friend, do you know a fellow by the name of Longfellow Deeds? Deeds? -Deeds? Yes. -Yes. Yes, sir. Yes, indeedy. Everyone knows Deeds. -Yes, sir. Yes, indeedy. Everyone knows Deeds. Yes, I— -We'd like to get in touch with him. It's very important. Who's that? -Who's that? Deeds! Who do you think I'm talking about? -Deeds! Who do you think I'm talking about? Oh, yes - Deeds. Fine fellow. Very democratic. You won't have no trouble at all. Talk to anybody. -Since he was born. Yes. Elsie Taggart was the midwife. -Yes. Elsie Taggart was the midwife. He was a seven-months baby. -Most every day. Sometimes twice. -They think he's pixilated. Oh yes, pixilated. -Pixilated. Uh-huh. -He walks in the rain, without his hat, and talks to himself. Sometimes he whistles. -Sometimes he whistles. And sings. -For no reason, I guess. He always does it. We always run into the house when we see him coming. Never can tell what he's going to do. -Never can tell what he's going to do. He sure is pixilated. -He sure is pixilated. Oh, yes - he's pixilated all right. -Why, you own it, Longfellow. Yes, you own it. -Why, you've always been pixilated, Longfellow. Always. -Why, everybody in Mandrake Falls in pixilated - except us. Uh-huh. -Oh, yes. Yes, indeedy. -He's still pixilated. He sure is. -Are you married? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Any children? -Any children? No, no children. -No, no children. All right, Mr. Dodsworth. I think you'll qualify. Take this to that desk over there for further instructions. -All right, Mr. Dodsworth. I think you'll qualify. Take this to that desk over there for further instructions. Thank you very much. -Thank you very much. Next, please. -No. Are you? No. -No. You don't go out with girls very much, do you? -You don't go out with girls very much, do you? I haven't. -I haven't. Why not? -I don't mind though. I had a lot of fun doing it. Would you like to go for a walk? -It's obviously a frameup! They're trying to railroad this man for the money they can get out of him! Your Honor! -Thank you, Your Honor. Are you employed by the Morning Mail? No! -You are under oath, Miss Bennett. I ask you again - are you employed by the Morning Mail? No! I resigned last week! -Were you given an assignment to follow the activities of Longfellow Deeds? Yes. -Yes. Did you subsequently write a series of articles about him? -Did you subsequently write a series of articles about him? Yes! -Yes! Are these the articles? -Are these the articles? Yes! -Yes! Were you present when all these things took place? -Were you present when all these things took place? Yes! -Yes! Are they true! -Are they true! NO!! -NO!! But they did take place? -But they did take place? They're colored! Just to make him look silly! -They're colored! Just to make him look silly! And you saw them happen? -And you saw them happen? Yes, but I— -Yes, but I— That's all, Miss Bennett. -That's all, Miss Bennett. It isn't all! I'd like to explain— -It isn't all! I'd like to explain— That's all, Miss Bennett. That's all. -Oh, thank you! Your Honor, what she is saying has no bearing on the case. I object. -Your Honor, this is absurd. The woman's obviously in love with him. What's that got to do with it? -What's that got to do with it? Well, you are in love with him, aren't you? -Well, you are in love with him, aren't you? What's that got to do with it? -What's that got to do with it? You are , aren't you? -You are , aren't you? Yes!!! -You fainted. Oh, did I? I'm sorry . . . -No, thank you. I'll be all right. Look, this is my house. I'd like to— -Look, this is my house. I'd like to— Oh, no, really - I'll be all right. -Oh, no, really - I'll be all right. What happened? -What happened? Well, I guess I walked too much. I've been looking for a job all day. I found one, too. I start tomorrow. You've been awfully kind. Thank you very much. -Feel better now? Mmm, it tastes so good. Mr. Deeds, I don't know how I can ever thank you. -Mmm, it tastes so good. Mr. Deeds, I don't know how I can ever thank you. Tell me more about yourself. -Tell me more about yourself. Well, I guess I've told you almost everything there is to tell. My folks live in a small town near Hartford. I'm down here alone trying to make a living. Oh, I'm really just a nobody. -Oh, that was so lovely. Thank you. You were a lady in distress, weren't you? -You were a lady in distress, weren't you? What? -What? Oh - uh - nothing. -You've been having quite an exciting time here, haven't you? All those meetings and business deals and society people - haven't you been having fun? No. That is, I didn't— Until I met you. I like talking to you, though— Imagine my finding you right on my doorstep. -Look - there's Brookfield, the poet. Really? -There's just one thing more. If it weren't for Miss Dawson being here with me, I'd probably bump your heads together. Oh, I don't mind. -It's awfully nice of you to show me around like this. I enjoy it. -I enjoy it. The Aquarium was swell. If I lived in New York, I'd go there every day. I'll bet you do. -The Aquarium was swell. If I lived in New York, I'd go there every day. I'll bet you do. Well, I'd like to - but I have a job to think of. -Sure. I met you. Oh. What's happening about the opera? -Oh. What's happening about the opera? Oh, that - well, we had another meeting. I told them I'd go on being Chairman if— -I told 'em I'd play along with them if they lowered their prices - and cut down expenses - and broadcast. What did they say? -What did they say? Gosh, you look pretty tonight. -Gosh, you look pretty tonight. What did they say? -What did they say? Huh? Oh. They said I was crazy. Said I wanted to run it like a grocery store. -Huh? Oh. They said I was crazy. Said I wanted to run it like a grocery store. What are they going to do? -What are they going to do? Do you always wear your hair like that? -Have you seen the papers? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. That's what I like about you. You think about a man's feelings. I'd like to go down to that newspaper and punch the fellow in the nose that's writing that stuff— -Would you like to walk the rest of the way? It's so nice out. Yes. -Yes. Yeah, let's. -There you are. Grant's Tomb. I hope you're not disappointed. It's wonderful. -It's wonderful. To most people, it's an awful letdown. -To most people, it's an awful letdown. Huh? -Huh? I say, to most people it's a washout. -I say, to most people it's a washout. That depends on what they see. -That depends on what they see. Now, what do you see? -Now, what do you see? Me? Oh, I see a small Ohio farm boy becoming a great soldier. I see thousands of marching men. I see General Lee with a broken heart, surrendering, and I can see the beginning of a new nation, like Abraham Lincoln said. And I can see that Ohio boy being inaugurated as President— Things like that can only happen in a country like America. -There's Times Square. You can almost spit on it, can't you? -You can almost spit on it, can't you? Why don't you try? -You're worried about those articles they're writing about you, aren't you? I'm not worrying any more. I suppose they'll go on writing them till they get tired. You don't believe all that stuff, do you? -Oh, they just do it to sell the newspapers, you know. Yeah, I guess so. What puzzles me is why people seem to get so much pleasure out of hurting each other. Why don't they try liking each other once in a while? -Here's a nice place. Yeah. Anyway, there aren't any photographers around. -You know, you said something to me when you first met me that I've thought about a great deal. What's that? -What's that? You said I was a lady in distress. -You said I was a lady in distress. Oh, that— -Oh, that— What did you mean by that? -What did you mean by that? Nothing— -Oh, I don't know. You must have met a lot of swell society girls since you've been here. Don't you like them? -You must have met a lot of swell society girls since you've been here. Don't you like them? I haven't met anybody here that I like, particularly. They all seem to have the St. Vitus Dance.[12] Except you, of course. People here are funny. They work so hard at living - they forget how to live Last night, after I left you, I was walking along and looking at the tall buildings and I got to thinking about what Thoreau said. They created a lot of grand palaces here - but they forgot to create the noblemen to put in them. -I'd rather have Mandrake Falls. I'm from a small town too, you know. -I'm from a small town too, you know. Really? -Really? Probably as small as Mandrake Falls. -Probably as small as Mandrake Falls. Gosh! What do you know about that! -I've often thought about going back. You have? -You have? "Oh, yes. I used to have a lot of fun there when I was a little girl. I used to love to go fishing with my father. That's funny. He was a lot like you, my father was. Talked like you, too. Sometimes he'd let me hold the line while he smoked - and we'd just sit there for hours. And after awhile, for no reason, I'd go over and kiss him and sit in his lap. He never said very much but once I remember him saying: ""No matter what happens, honey, don't complain.""" -"Oh, yes. I used to have a lot of fun there when I was a little girl. I used to love to go fishing with my father. That's funny. He was a lot like you, my father was. Talked like you, too. Sometimes he'd let me hold the line while he smoked - and we'd just sit there for hours. And after awhile, for no reason, I'd go over and kiss him and sit in his lap. He never said very much but once I remember him saying: ""No matter what happens, honey, don't complain.""" He sounds like a person worth while knowing. -He played in the town band, too. He did? I play the tuba— -He did? I play the tuba— Yeah, I know. -Yeah, I know. What did he play? -What did he play? The drums. He taught me to play some. -The drums. He taught me to play some. He did? -He did? "Yes. I can do ""Swanee River."" Would you like to hear me?" -"Yes. I can do ""Swanee River."" Would you like to hear me?" Sure! -Oh, I suppose you could do better. "Sure. I can sing ""Humoresque.""" -"Sure. I can sing ""Humoresque.""" """Humoresque""? I'll bet you don't even know how it goes." -"""Humoresque""? I'll bet you don't even know how it goes." "Sure. Look! You sing it over again, and I'll do ""Humoresque"" with you." -"Sure. Look! You sing it over again, and I'll do ""Humoresque"" with you." It had better be good. -Couldn't sleep. Kinda wanted to talk to you. Do you mind? No - not at all. I couldn't sleep either. -I wanted to thank you again for going out with me. Huh? Well, I don't know what I'd do without you. You've made up for all the fakes that I've met. Well, that's very nice. Thank you. -Well, that's very nice. Thank you. You know what I've been doing since I got home? Been working on a poem. It's about you. Sometimes it's kinda hard for me to say things - so I write 'em. -You know what I've been doing since I got home? Been working on a poem. It's about you. Sometimes it's kinda hard for me to say things - so I write 'em. I'd like to read it some time. -I didn't think you could come with the party and everything. Oh, I wouldn't let them stop me from seeing you. So I threw them out! -Oh, I wouldn't let them stop me from seeing you. So I threw them out! You threw them out! -Yes, if it isn't too late. I'll get my hat. -Ready? Gosh, she looks better every time I see her. -Gosh, she looks better every time I see her. Thank you. -The reason why I wanted to take a walk, Mary, is 'cause I wanted to talk to you. Let's just walk, okay? -Let's just walk, okay? All right. -Mary, I'm going home. Are you? When? -Are you? When? In a day or so, I think. -In a day or so, I think. I don't blame you. -Do you mind if I talk to you, Mary? You don't have to pay any attention to me. No, I don't mind. -No, I don't mind. All my life, I've wanted somebody to talk to. Back in Mandrake Falls, I always used to talk to a girl. -All my life, I've wanted somebody to talk to. Back in Mandrake Falls, I always used to talk to a girl. A girl? -A girl? Oh, an imaginary one. I used to hike a lot through the woods and I'd always take this girl with me so I could talk to her. I'd show her my pet trees and things. Sounds kind of silly but we had a lot of fun doing it. -Well, here we are again. Yes, here we are again. Good night. -Yes, here we are again. Good night. Mary - I - excuse me— -Would you like to read it? It's to you. Yes, of course. -Hello, Mary? Oh, hello darling. -What's the matter, hon? Nothing. -What's up, Babe? Something's eating you. No. It's nothing. -No. It's nothing. My unfailing instinct tells me something's gone wrong with the stew. -My unfailing instinct tells me something's gone wrong with the stew. Don't be ridiculous. -You haven't gotten very far, have you? That's where you were an hour ago. Come on, let's knock off and go down to Joe's. The gang's waiting for us. I can't write it, Mabel! I don't know what's the matter with me. -Good night. Mabel, that guy's either the dumbest, the stupidest, the most imbecilic idiot in the world - or he's the grandest thing alive. I can't make him out. -Mabel, that guy's either the dumbest, the stupidest, the most imbecilic idiot in the world - or he's the grandest thing alive. I can't make him out. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. I'm crucifying him. -I'm crucifying him. People have been crucified before. -People have been crucified before. Why? Why do we have to do it? -Why? Why do we have to do it? You started out to be a successful newspaper woman, didn't you? -You started out to be a successful newspaper woman, didn't you? Yeah, then what? -Yeah, then what? Search me. Ask the Gypsies. -Search me. Ask the Gypsies. Here's a guy that's wholesome and fresh. To us he looks like a freak. You know what he told me tonight? He said when he gets married he wants to carry his bride over the threshold in his arms. -Here's a guy that's wholesome and fresh. To us he looks like a freak. You know what he told me tonight? He said when he gets married he wants to carry his bride over the threshold in his arms. The guy's balmy. -The guy's balmy. Is he? Yeah, I thought so, too. I tried to laugh, but I couldn't. It stuck in my throat. -Is he? Yeah, I thought so, too. I tried to laugh, but I couldn't. It stuck in my throat. Aw, cut it out, will you? You'll get me thinking about Charlie again. -Aw, cut it out, will you? You'll get me thinking about Charlie again. He's got goodness, Mabel. Do you know what that is? -He's got goodness, Mabel. Do you know what that is? Huh? -Huh? No - of course you don't. We've forgotten. We're too busy being smart-alecks. Too busy in a crazy competition for nothing. -You're a fool, Babe. I just couldn't stand seeing him again. -I just couldn't stand seeing him again. Running away is no solution. -What'll I tell him if he calls up? Tell him I had to leave suddenly. I got a job in China - some place. -Tell him I had to leave suddenly. I got a job in China - some place. You're acting like a school girl. -You're acting like a school girl. What else can I do? Keeping this up is no good. He's bound to find out sometime. At least I can save him that . -Just a minute. No, you don't. We're not going out tonight. -Why there she is! Of course she's home. Stupid of me . . . Hello. -Look, I can do it! What's gotten into you, Babe? I remember the time when you'd blast this town wide open before you'd let Cobb get away with a thing like this. -What's gotten into you, Babe? I remember the time when you'd blast this town wide open before you'd let Cobb get away with a thing like this. Oh, he's not getting away with anything. -Oh, he's not getting away with anything. Listen, Babe - get me some stuff on this guy, and you can have— -Listen, Babe - get me some stuff on this guy, and you can have— Can I have a month's vacation? -Can I have a month's vacation? With pay! -With pay! With pay! -With pay! Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Leave four columns open on the front page tomorrow. -Now you're talking, Babe. I'll keep the whole front page open. What are you going to do? Have lunch. -Cinderella Man! That's sensational, Babe! Sensational! It took some high-powered acting, believe me. -It took some high-powered acting, believe me. Did it? -Did it? I was the world's sweetest ingenue. -I was the world's sweetest ingenue. Is he really that big a sap? -He's the original. There are no carbon copies of that one. Cinderella Man! Babe, you stuck a tag on that hick that'll stick to him the rest of his life. Can you imagine Cobb's face when he reads this? -Cinderella Man! Babe, you stuck a tag on that hick that'll stick to him the rest of his life. Can you imagine Cobb's face when he reads this? If we could sell tickets, we'd make a fortune. -How'd you get the picture? Had the boys follow us. -Had the boys follow us. "Marvelous! ""At two o'clock this morning, Mr. Deeds tied up traffic while he fed a bagful of doughnuts to a horse. When asked why he was doing it, he replied: 'I just wanted to see how many doughnuts this horse would eat before he'd ask for a cup of coffee.'"" Beautiful! What happened after that?" -"Marvelous! ""At two o'clock this morning, Mr. Deeds tied up traffic while he fed a bagful of doughnuts to a horse. When asked why he was doing it, he replied: 'I just wanted to see how many doughnuts this horse would eat before he'd ask for a cup of coffee.'"" Beautiful! What happened after that?" I don't know. I had to duck to get the story out. He was so far along he never even missed me. -I don't know. I had to duck to get the story out. He was so far along he never even missed me. When're you going to see him again? -When're you going to see him again? Tonight, maybe. I'll phone him at noon. Oh, my lunch hour. I'm a stenographer, you know. Mary Dawson. -You're a genius, Babe - a genius! I even moved into Mabel Dawson's apartment - in case old snoopy Cobb might start looking around. -I even moved into Mabel Dawson's apartment - in case old snoopy Cobb might start looking around. Good! Good! Stay there. Don't show your face down here. I'll tell everybody you're on your vacation. They'll never know where the stories are coming from. Stick close to him, Babe - you can get an exclusive story out of him every day for a month. We'll have the other papers crazy. Babe, I could kiss you! -Good! Good! Stay there. Don't show your face down here. I'll tell everybody you're on your vacation. They'll never know where the stories are coming from. Stick close to him, Babe - you can get an exclusive story out of him every day for a month. We'll have the other papers crazy. Babe, I could kiss you! Oh, no. No. Our deal was for a month's vacation - with pay. -Oh, no. No. Our deal was for a month's vacation - with pay. Sure. -Sure. With pay! She is out the door. -With pay! She is out the door. You'll get it, Babe. You'll get it. -What's bothering you, huh? Last night he proposed to me. -Last night he proposed to me. Proposed to you! You mean he asked you to marry him? -Proposed to you! You mean he asked you to marry him? Yes. -Yes. "Why, Babe - that's terrific! ""Cinderella Man Woos Mystery Girl! Who is the Mysterious Girl That—""" -"Why, Babe - that's terrific! ""Cinderella Man Woos Mystery Girl! Who is the Mysterious Girl That—""" Print one line of that, and I'll blow your place up! -Print one line of that, and I'll blow your place up! Sorry, Babe. Sorry. It would have made a swell story. I just got carried away. That's too bad. So he proposed to you, huh? What a twist! You set out to nail him - and he— -Sorry, Babe. Sorry. It would have made a swell story. I just got carried away. That's too bad. So he proposed to you, huh? What a twist! You set out to nail him - and he— Yeah. Funny twist, isn't it? -Yeah. Funny twist, isn't it? Say, you haven't gone and fallen for that mug, have you? -What're you going to do? I'm going to tell him the truth. -I'm going to tell him the truth. Tell him you're Babe Bennett? Tell him you've been making a stooge out of him? -Tell him you're Babe Bennett? Tell him you've been making a stooge out of him? I'm having lunch with him today. He expects an answer. It's going to be pretty. -I'm having lunch with him today. He expects an answer. It's going to be pretty. You're crazy! You can't do that! -He'll probably kick me right down the stairs. I only hope he does. I'll put you on another job. You need never see him again, eh? -I'll put you on another job. You need never see him again, eh? That's the rub. -That's the rub. Oh, as bad as that, huh? -Oh, as bad as that, huh? Telling him is the long shot - I'm going to take it. -This is for you , Mac. The names of all the headwaiters in town. You can always buy a bit of choice scandal from them at reasonable prices. Aw, listen Babe, I can't let you quit now. You're not going through with this thing, are you? -It's for you. In a couple weeks you'll get the itch so bad, you'll be working for nothing. Hello . . . -I suppose it's going to be the same old thing. I tell you that dame's nuts. -I tell you that dame's nuts. Right. -Come on, come on! Hurry up! -It don't look as though we're gonna get any pictures tonight. Babe ought to get him drunk again. -I wonder if they'd want to make it a quartet. Shhh! -Yeah. Mac threw Cobb out again. Boy, was he burning. -Boy, was he burning. Just one little drink - and then we're ready to shoot. -Ow! My foot's asleep! Come on - let's go! -We've got nothing to worry about. He's as naive as a child. John— -John— Close that door. Will you get Mrs. Cedar on the phone, please? -I know, Budington. We can't afford to have the books investigated right now. You must have said that a thousand times already. But what if they fall into somebody else's hands, why - uh— -But what if they fall into somebody else's hands, why - uh— Well, it hasn't happened yet - has it? -Well, it hasn't happened yet - has it? But a half million dollars! My goodness, where are we going to get— -But a half million dollars! My goodness, where are we going to get— Will you stop worrying! It was I who got old man Semple to turn everything over to us, wasn't it? And who got the Power of Attorney from him ! All right, and I'll get it again! I'll take it easy. Those books'll never leave this office. -don't want to be critical, John, but here it is— Yes, I know. A week's gone by and we haven't got the Power of Attorney yet! -Yes, I know. A week's gone by and we haven't got the Power of Attorney yet! Yes, but you said— -Yes, but you said— I don't care what I said. I can't strangle him, can I! -The gentlemen from the opera are still waiting in the board room, sir. They're getting a trifle impatient, sir. They are? I forgot all about them. What do you think they want? -Will you show Mr. Hallor to the front door? Yes, sir. -Cobb's right. I mustn't talk to anybody. Miss Dawson on the phone, sir. -Miss Dawson on the phone, sir. Who? Miss Dawson? -Who? Miss Dawson? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Fine. I'll talk to her. Give me the phone, quick. She's the only one I'm going to talk to from now on. -You try it. Me, sir? -How's it going? Okay? Yes, quite all right. Thank you, sir. -Yes, quite all right. Thank you, sir. Gold, eh? -Gold, eh? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Fourteen carat? -Fourteen carat? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Is that the best you've got? -Is that the best you've got? Oh, yes sir. -Oh, yes sir. Those flowers are too high. Won't be able to see her. Get a smaller bowl, will you? -Those flowers are too high. Won't be able to see her. Get a smaller bowl, will you? A smaller bowl of flowers. -Stuff, sir? That goo. That stuff that tastes like soap. -That goo. That stuff that tastes like soap. Oh, yes, sir. Here it is, sir. The pate de fois gras, sir. -Oh, yes, sir. Here it is, sir. The pate de fois gras, sir. Yeah, that's fine. Have a lot of it because she likes it. -Yeah, that's fine. Have a lot of it because she likes it. Yes, sir. -Sit over there, will you? Me sir? -Me sir? Yes. -How is this, sir? Perfect! Perfect! -Perfect! Perfect! I wish you luck, sir. -I wish you luck, sir. Thank you. Now don't touch a thing. Leave everything as it is. -You can't come up here! Let me go! I wanna see him! -Let me go! I wanna see him! He's not home, I tell you! -He's not home, I tell you! I wanna see that guy! -I wanna see that guy! We'll send for the police! -We'll send for the police! Let me go! -Thank heaven. Better wire him right away, John. -Better wire him right away, John. I'll do no such thing. I'm going there myself. You're going with me too, Anderson - and you too, Cobb. -Come on, John. What happened? The smartest thing I ever did was to make that trip. -Relatives of old man Semple. They keep insisting they should have some nuisance value. -They keep insisting they should have some nuisance value. Nuisance value? -Nuisance value? They say if it hadn't been for Deeds, they'd have gotten all the money. -They say if it hadn't been for Deeds, they'd have gotten all the money. Nuisance value. Maybe they have! Maybe they have! Maybe they have! Mr. and Mrs. Semple, please. How do you do? -Miss Bennett please! This is outrageous! -The Falkner sisters are rather timid, Your Honor, and wish to be together. If the court pleases, I will only have one of them testify. Yes! Yes! Let's get on with it. -Must we have the echo? Suppose you just answer, Miss Jane. Now, will you tell the Court what everybody at home thinks of Longfellow Deeds? -He's what? What was that you said he was? -Your Honor, I object. Proceed. -It's a lie! Mr. Cedar! -Mr. Cedar! Mr. Deeds is drawing on his warped imagination! -You will please permit Mr. Deeds to finish. But your honor— -But your honor— Mr. Cedar! -Newspaperman? Wants to know who the heir is. -Wants to know who the heir is. Hang up. -Hang up. Sorry, Mac, I can't. Yeah, Mac. Sure, but I ain't the attorney— -Sorry, Mac, I can't. Yeah, Mac. Sure, but I ain't the attorney— Hang up. -Mr. Cedar is, and I haven't seen him in two days. Listen, Cedar, we've got to do something about the newspapers. I'm not interested in the newspapers. -I'm not interested in the newspapers. But it's a great story. Somewhere in this country a guy is walking into twenty million bucks. -But it's a great story. Somewhere in this country a guy is walking into twenty million bucks. Yes, I know. My first concern is to locate the lucky man. When I do, it's your job to keep the newspapers away from him. -Yes, I know. My first concern is to locate the lucky man. When I do, it's your job to keep the newspapers away from him. It's okay with me as long as my weekly stipend keeps coming in. -That's pretty. Are you sure this is the town he lives in? -I guess we'd better try somebody else. No, we won't! The next time that jumping jack comes out, I'll straddle him while you ask him your questions. -Yeah. A glorified doormat. Yes. You see, rich people need someone to keep the crowds away. The world's full of pests. Then there's the newspapers to handle. One must know when to seek publicity - and when to avoid it. -I can understand that. We'll take a walk around town, meet you at the train at four o'clock. Congratulations, Mr. Deeds. You're one of the richest men in the country. We'll see you later. Goodbye and thank you. See you later, kid. -I can't find him. You can't? -You can't? I looked everywhere. I even went to his house. It's locked up. -Look! What? -What? That tuba player! -Well, your uncle was Chairman of the Board of Directors. They probably expect you to carry on. I'll tell those mugs to keep their shirts on, that you'll be right down. -Yes? Make three reservations on the first train out to Mandrake Falls, Vermont. -Make three reservations on the first train out to Mandrake Falls, Vermont. Where? -Where? Mandrake Falls. M-A-N— -Charlie, we're off! Papers all set? All set. -All set. Okay, then. Go to it. And, Charlie— -Okay, then. Go to it. And, Charlie— Yeah? -Yeah? Find out who wrote those newspaper articles and subpoena them right away. -Find out who wrote those newspaper articles and subpoena them right away. Okay. -Mr. Longfellow Deeds? Yes. -Yes. How do you do. -How do you do. How do you do. -How do you do. I'm John Cedar - of the New York firm of Cedar, Cedar, Cedar and Budington. -I'd like to ask you a few questions. All right. -Mr. Deeds, are you the son of Dr. Joseph and Mary Deeds? Yes. -Yes. Are your parents living? -Are your parents living? Why, no. -Why, no. Mr. Deeds, does the name of Martin W. Semple mean anything to you? -Mr. Deeds, does the name of Martin W. Semple mean anything to you? Not much. He's an uncle of mine, I think. I never saw him, but my mother's name was Semple, you know. -Not much. He's an uncle of mine, I think. I never saw him, but my mother's name was Semple, you know. Well, he passed on. He was killed in a motor accident in Italy. -Well, he passed on. He was killed in a motor accident in Italy. He was? Gee, that's too bad. If there's anything I can do to— -Perhaps you didn't hear what I said, Mr. Deeds! The whole Semple fortune goes to you! $20,000,000! Oh, yes, I heard you all right. $20,000,000. That's quite a lot, isn't it? -Mr. Cobb here is an ex-newspaperman associated with your uncle for many years - as a sort of buffer. Buffer? -Are you a married man, Mr. Deeds? Who - me? No. -Saving a lady in distress, eh? Well, I suppose we all have dreams like that when we are young. Incidentally, we'd better get started. You'll have to pack. What for? -What for? You're going to New York with us. -You're going to New York with us. When? -Will you have a cigar? No, thank you. -I wouldn't worry if I were you. Of course, a large fortune like this entails a great responsibility - but you'll have a good deal of help. So don't worry. Leave everything to me. Oh, I wasn't worried about that. -Oh, I wasn't worried about that. No? -No? I was wondering where they're going to get another tuba player for the band. -It's merely a suggestion. I don't wish to press the point, Mr. Deeds, but if you'll give me your Power of Attorney we'll take care of everything. It'll save you a lot of petty annoyances. Every shark in town will be trying to sell you something. Oh, yes, there've been a lot of them around here already. Strangest kind of people. Salesmen - politicians - moochers - all want something. I haven't had a minute to myself. Haven't seen Grant's Tomb yet. -Oh, yes, there've been a lot of them around here already. Strangest kind of people. Salesmen - politicians - moochers - all want something. I haven't had a minute to myself. Haven't seen Grant's Tomb yet. Well, you see, your uncle didn't bother with that sort of thing. He left everything to us. He traveled most of the time, and enjoyed himself. You should do the same thing, Mr. Deeds. -Well, you see, your uncle didn't bother with that sort of thing. He left everything to us. He traveled most of the time, and enjoyed himself. You should do the same thing, Mr. Deeds. Besides wanting to be my lawyer, you also want to handle my investments too? -Besides wanting to be my lawyer, you also want to handle my investments too? Yes. That is to say— -Yes. That is to say— Well, outside of your regular fee, how much extra will it cost? -Well, outside of your regular fee, how much extra will it cost? Oh - nothing. No extra charge. -Oh - nothing. No extra charge. That involves a lot of extra work, doesn't it? -That involves a lot of extra work, doesn't it? Yes, but that's an added service a firm like Cedar, Cedar, Cedar and Budington usually donates. -Yes, but that's an added service a firm like Cedar, Cedar, Cedar and Budington usually donates. Budington. Funny, I can't think of a rhyme for Budington yet. -I think you ought to give this matter some thought, Mr. Deeds. Huh? -Huh? I mean, about the Power of Attorney. -I mean, about the Power of Attorney. Oh, yes. Yes, I will. -Why not? Who is he? A lawyer representing some woman with a claim against the estate. Tell him to see me at my office. -A lawyer representing some woman with a claim against the estate. Tell him to see me at my office. Well, if he has a claim, we'd better see him. Send him in. -He's capable of causing you a lot of trouble, Mr. Deeds. How can he make any trouble for me? I haven't done anything. -I can't hold out any longer either, Mr. Deeds. Being an attorney for you will be a very simple affair. You're not my attorney yet, Mr. Cedar. Not till I find out what's on your mind. Suppose you get the books straightened out quick so I can have a look at them. -You're not my attorney yet, Mr. Cedar. Not till I find out what's on your mind. Suppose you get the books straightened out quick so I can have a look at them. Yes, of course, if you wish. But you must be prepared. This sort of thing will be daily routine. If it becomes annoying, you let me know. Goodbye, Mr. Deeds. Goodbye, sir. -Oh, will you come in please, gentlemen? Is Mr. Deeds in? -Is Mr. Deeds in? No - he's over to the park arranging for the bazaar, so's to raise money for the fire engine. Mal, you shoulda knowed he was in the park. -Come in, please. Come in. Can I get you a cup of tea? No, thanks. -No, thanks. Sit down. Sure I couldn't get you a glass of lemonade or something? -Sit down. Sure I couldn't get you a glass of lemonade or something? That's very kind of you. Are you related to him? -That's very kind of you. Are you related to him? No, I'm his housekeeper. -No, I'm his housekeeper. Well, we'd like to find out something about him. What does he do for a living? -Well, we'd like to find out something about him. What does he do for a living? He and Jim Mason own the Tallow Works. But that's not where he makes his money. He makes most of it from his poetry. -Oh, it'll do in a pinch. Yes, indeed. I wonder why he left me all that money? I don't need it. -Cedar, Cedar, Cedar and Budington. Funny, I can't think of a rhyme for Budington. Why should you? -Why should you? Well, whenever I run across a funny name, I always like to poke around for a rhyme. Don't you? -Well, whenever I run across a funny name, I always like to poke around for a rhyme. Don't you? Nah. -Nah. I've got one for Cobb— -I've got one for Cobb— """There once was a man named Cobb, Who kept Semple away from the mob. Came the turn of the tide And Semple - he died - And now poor Cobb's out of a job!""" -"""There once was a man named Cobb, Who kept Semple away from the mob. Came the turn of the tide And Semple - he died - And now poor Cobb's out of a job!""" Sounds like a two weeks' notice to me. -Sounds like a two weeks' notice to me. Huh? -Huh? I've gotten the 'sackaroo' in many ways - but never in rhyme. -I've gotten the 'sackaroo' in many ways - but never in rhyme. Oh, I don't mean that. I'm sure I'm going to need your help. -Oh, I don't mean that. I'm sure I'm going to need your help. Oh, that's different if it's just poetry. -This afternoon - at four o'clock. I don't think we've got any suitcases. -Have a drink? No, thanks. -Thanks Oh, did you send that telegram to Jim Mason? "Jim Mason? Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I didn't send it. I've got it written out, though. Here it is. ""Arthur's been with the Tallow Works too long. STOP. Don't think we should fire him. Longfellow.""" -"Jim Mason? Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I didn't send it. I've got it written out, though. Here it is. ""Arthur's been with the Tallow Works too long. STOP. Don't think we should fire him. Longfellow.""" Fine. Send it right away. I don't want him to fire Arthur. -Fine. Send it right away. I don't want him to fire Arthur. Oh, sure. Sure. We don't want to fire Arthur. -Oh, sure. Sure. We don't want to fire Arthur. He was the last baby my father delivered, Arthur was. -"You'd better get right down there. That opera mob is about to break into the Mad Song from ""Lucia.""[2]" Oh, I don't want to keep them waiting any longer. They're important people. I wish you'd go along with me, Cobb. They're all strangers to me. -Gee, I'm busy. Did the opera people always come here for their meetings? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. That's funny. Why is that? -That's funny. Why is that? Why do mice go where there's cheese?[3] -I can't hold out on you any longer. Lamb bites wolf. Beautiful. Only common sense. -Well, how about tonight? What would you like in the way of entertainment? Entertainment? -Entertainment? Your uncle had a weakness for dark ones, tall and stately. How would you like yours? Dark or fair, tall or short, fat or thin, tough or tender? -Your uncle had a weakness for dark ones, tall and stately. How would you like yours? Dark or fair, tall or short, fat or thin, tough or tender? What're you talking about? -What're you talking about? Women! Ever heard of 'em? -Women! Ever heard of 'em? Oh. -Oh. Name your poison and I'll supply it. -Name your poison and I'll supply it. Some other time, Cobb. Some other time. -Some other time, Cobb. Some other time. Okay, you're the boss. When your blood begins to boil, yell out. I'll be seeing you! -Did you see all this stuff in the papers? Arthur wants to quit! -Arthur wants to quit! Arthur! Who's Arthur? -Arthur! Who's Arthur? He's the shipping clerk at the Tallow Works. Wants a $2 raise - or he'll quit. -He's the shipping clerk at the Tallow Works. Wants a $2 raise - or he'll quit. What do I care about Arthur! Did you see this stuff in the paper? How'd it get in there? What'd you do last night? Who were you talking to? -And what'd you do to those bodyguards? They quit this morning. Said you locked them up. Oh, they insisted on following me. -Oh, they insisted on following me. What do you think bodyguards are for? -What do you think bodyguards are for? "What do they mean by this - ""Cinderella Man!""" -"What do they mean by this - ""Cinderella Man!""" Are those stories true? -"I don't remember. ""Cinderella Man!"" What do they mean by that?" They'd call you anything if you gave them half a chance. They've got you down as a sap. -They'd call you anything if you gave them half a chance. They've got you down as a sap. I think I'll go down and punch this editor on the nose. -I think I'll go down and punch this editor on the nose. No, you don't! Get this clear: Socking people is no solution for anything. -No, you don't! Get this clear: Socking people is no solution for anything. Sometimes it's the only solution. -Sometimes it's the only solution. Not editors. Take my word for it. Not editors! -Not editors. Take my word for it. Not editors! If they're going to poke fun at me, I'm going to— -If they're going to poke fun at me, I'm going to— Listen. Listen, Longfellow. You've got brains, kid. You'll get along swell if you'll only curb your homicidal instincts - and keep your trap shut. Don't talk to anybody! These newshounds are out gunning for you. -Listen. Listen, Longfellow. You've got brains, kid. You'll get along swell if you'll only curb your homicidal instincts - and keep your trap shut. Don't talk to anybody! These newshounds are out gunning for you. "But what about this ""Cinderella Man""?" -"But what about this ""Cinderella Man""?" That's my job. I'll take care of that. I'll keep that stuff out of the papers - if you'll help me. But I can't do anything if you go around talking to people. Will you promise me to be careful from now on? -That's my job. I'll take care of that. I'll keep that stuff out of the papers - if you'll help me. But I can't do anything if you go around talking to people. Will you promise me to be careful from now on? Yes, I guess I'll have to. -Yes, I guess I'll have to. Thank you. If you feel the building rock, it'll be me blasting into this editor. -Just as I suspected, wise guy! I don't mind you making a sap out of yourself - but you made one out of me, too. Will you tell the gentleman I'm not in? -Will you tell the gentleman I'm not in? Mary Dawson, huh? Mary Dawson, my eye. That dame took you for a sleigh ride that New York will laugh about for years. She's the slickest, two- timing, double-crossing— -"She's the star reporter on The Mail. Every time you opened your kisser, you gave her another story. She's the dame who slapped that monicker on you - ""Cinderella Man."" You've been making love to a double dose of cyanide!" Shut up! -You shouldn't be running away like this. What's going to happen to the Estate? They can have the Estate. -What about your knocking off for lunch? Not hungry. I want to get through this work in a hurry, and then I want to go home. What price did you get on those trucks? -Not hungry. I want to get through this work in a hurry, and then I want to go home. What price did you get on those trucks? Come on, come on. What are you trying to do, kid? Keel over? You haven't been out of this house in two weeks. -Come on, come on. What are you trying to do, kid? Keel over? You haven't been out of this house in two weeks. Well, maybe I will have a sandwich. Do you mind waiting a few minutes? -Cobb! Get lunch for the rest of them. What? There must be 2000 of them out there. -What? There must be 2000 of them out there. Well, that doesn't make 'em any less hungry. -Well, that doesn't make 'em any less hungry. Okay, Santa Claus. 2000 lunches. -I'm Chairman? Oh Yes, of course - you've just been elected. -Oh Yes, of course - you've just been elected. I'm Chairman. -Wait a minute. What does the Chairman do? Why, the Chairman presides at the meetings. -Why, the Chairman presides at the meetings. That's what I thought. If you don't mind, I'm rather interested in the Treasurer's report. I'd like to hear it. -You see, Mr. Deeds, the opera is not conducted for profit. It isn't? What is it conducted for? -It isn't? What is it conducted for? Why, it's an artistic institution— -Why, it's an artistic institution— We own an opera house, don't we? -We provide opera. But you charge. I mean, you sell tickets? -That's impossible. The opera has never paid. Well, then, we must give the wrong kind of shows. -The wrong kind! There isn't any wrong or right kind. Opera is opera! I guess it is. But I personally wouldn't care to be head of a business that kept losing money. That wouldn't be common sense. Incidentally, where is the $180,000 coming from? -I guess it is. But I personally wouldn't care to be head of a business that kept losing money. That wouldn't be common sense. Incidentally, where is the $180,000 coming from? Well, we were rather expecting it to come from you. -Well, we were rather expecting it to come from you. Me?! -Me?! Naturally. -Naturally. Excuse me, gentlemen, there's nothing natural about that . -Now, where were we? You see, Mr. Deeds, the opera is not conducted like any ordinary business. -You see, Mr. Deeds, the opera is not conducted like any ordinary business. Why not? -Why not? Because it just isn't a business, that's all! -Because it just isn't a business, that's all! Well, maybe it isn't to you, but it certainly is a business to me, if I have to make up a loss of $180,000. If it's losing that much money, there must be something wrong. Maybe you charge too much. Maybe you're selling bad merchandise. Maybe lots of things. I don't know. You see, I expect to do a lot of good with that money. And I can't afford to put it into anything that I don't look into. That's my decision for the time being, gentlemen. Goodbye, and thank you for making me Chairman. -You remember, Dr. Fosdick, in my last book there are some very fine examples. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Especially, the one of the young nobleman, you remember? -Especially, the one of the young nobleman, you remember? Oh, yes. Yes, of course Dr. Von Holler. Very interesting. -Oh, yes. Yes, of course Dr. Von Holler. Very interesting. It reminds me very much of this one. Nicht wahr? -It reminds me very much of this one. Nicht wahr? Ja. -Ja. It takes so long to detect them— —because their mood changes so often and so quickly. Now, Your Honor, may I show you? May I use the chart? -Let him alone. Let me alone! If you know what's good for you - you'll let me get this off my chest! How did you feel feeding doughnuts to a horse? Get a kick out of it, huh? Got a big laugh? Did you ever think of feeding doughnuts to human beings! No! -Yeah - that's all that's worrying you. What do I want? A chance to feed a wife and kids! I'm a farmer. A job! That's what I want! A farmer, eh! You're a moocher, that's what you are! I wouldn't believe you or anybody else on a stack of bibles! You're a moocher like all the rest of them around here, so get out of here! -A farmer, eh! You're a moocher, that's what you are! I wouldn't believe you or anybody else on a stack of bibles! You're a moocher like all the rest of them around here, so get out of here! Sure - everybody's a moocher to you. A mongrel dog eating out of a garbage pail is a moocher to you! -Here's the order for the plows. We got a good price on them. That's fine. Thanks. I'll look 'em over later. -That's fine. Thanks. I'll look 'em over later. Oh, Mr. Deeds— -—my wife wanted me to tell you she— —she prays for you every night. Well, thanks, I - uh— How do you do? What is your name? -Mrs. Semple? Yes. Your uncle's common-law wife. She has a legal claim on the estate. -I leave it to you, Mr. Deeds. Can you conceive of any court not being in sympathy with any woman who gave up the best years of her life for an old man like your uncle? What kind of wife did you say she was? -What kind of wife did you say she was? Common-law wife. On top of that, there's a child. -Common-law wife. On top of that, there's a child. A child? My uncle's? -A child? My uncle's? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. That's awful. The poor woman should be taken care of immediately. -That's awful. The poor woman should be taken care of immediately. I'm glad to see you're willing to be reasonable, Mr. Deeds. -I'm glad to see you're willing to be reasonable, Mr. Deeds. If she was his wife, she should have all the money. That's only fair. I don't want a penny of it. -Well, what about it, Mr. Deeds? You'll excuse me, won't you? I'll be right back. -Sorry to keep you waiting so long. Those opera people are funny. They wanted me to put up $180,000. What about it, Mr. Deeds? -What about it, Mr. Deeds? Why, I turned them down, naturally. -Why, I turned them down, naturally. No, I mean - about my client. -No, I mean - about my client. Oh - we'll have to do something about the common wife. -Of course, we don't want to appear greedy, Mr. Deeds. Huh? -Huh? I say we don't want to appear greedy. -I say we don't want to appear greedy. Oh. That. -Mrs. Semple is entitled by law to one-third of the estate. And don't ever get down on your knees again, understand? -Mrs. Semple is entitled to one- third of the estate. One-third? That's about $7,000,000 isn't it? -One-third? That's about $7,000,000 isn't it? Well, we didn't expect that much. I'm sure I can get her to settle quietly for one million. -You're making a mistake, Mr. Deeds. Oh no, I'm not. I don't like your face. Besides, there's something fishy about a person who would settle for a million dollars when they can get seven million. I'm surprised that Mr. Cedar, who's supposed to be a smart man, couldn't see through that. -Oh no, I'm not. I don't like your face. Besides, there's something fishy about a person who would settle for a million dollars when they can get seven million. I'm surprised that Mr. Cedar, who's supposed to be a smart man, couldn't see through that. Now wait a minute, buddy— -There's one nice thing about being rich - you ring a bell and things happen. When the servant comes in, Mr. Hallor, I'm going to ask him to show you to the door. Many people don't know where it is. No use in getting tough. That'll get you nowhere, Mr. Deeds. You know, we've got letters. -No - I don't want it, thank you. Why, you must drink! All poets drink! -Well, I don't know. I— Mr. Morrow, over there, for instance, just dashes them off. -Yes. Have you any peculiar characteristics when you are creating? Well, I play the tuba. -No. You mean to tell me you don't carry a pocketful around with you? -Look, he's temperamental. Yeah, what if I am? What about it? -Your Honor— Yes? -Yes? I'd like to get in my two cents' worth. -I'd like to get in my two cents' worth. Take the stand! -Proceed. Well, I don't know where to begin. There's been so many things said about me that I— -A what? An O-filler. You fill in all the spaces in the O's, with your pencil. I was watching you. -Mr. Deeds, do you recall forcibly ejecting people from your home? "Oh, yes. Yes. About my throwing those people out of my house. Mrs. Pomponi told the truth. I did throw them out because I didn't want the party in the first place. I didn't invite anybody. Mrs. Pomponi did all that. They just came to see what kind of a freak the ""Cinderella Man"" was. I don't know how people like that are supposed to act, Your Honor, but if that Pomponi woman is an example, I'll stick to simple folks. She just came in, talked my ear off, and took charge of everything. If I were a friend of hers, I'd have her examined." -Now about the Falkner sisters. That's kind of funny. I mean about Mr. Cedar going all the way to Mandrake Falls to bring them here. Do you mind if I talk to them? Not at all. -Mr. Deeds, you haven't yet touched upon a most important thing. This rather fantastic idea of yours to want to give away your entire fortune. It is, to say the least, most uncommon. Oh yes, I was getting to that, Your Honor. -Please, Mr. Cedar! Proceed. Personally, I don't know what Mr. Cedar's raving about. From what I can see, no matter what system of government we have, there will always be leaders and always be followers. -Anything else, Mr. Deeds? No. Yes. There's just one more thing I'd like to get off my chest before I finish. -No. Yes. There's just one more thing I'd like to get off my chest before I finish. Proceed. -Proceed. Thank you, Your Honor. -Huh? On, no. Nobody important. Be sure and point 'em out to me, won't you? -Be sure and point 'em out to me, won't you? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. I'm a writer myself, you know. -Uh-huh. I write poetry. -I write poetry. Uh-huh. -Brookfield just came in. Oh, the poet? Where? -Oh, the poet? Where? Over at that big round table. The one that looks like a poodle. -Say fellow, you neglected me - and I feel very put out. Look, sock it right there, will you? Lay one right on the button,[6] but sock it hard. That's all right. I got it off my chest. -That's all right. I got it off my chest. The difference between them and me is I know when I've been a skunk. You take me to the nearest news- stand and I'll eat a pack of your postcards raw. Raw! -Oh, what a magnificent deflation of smugness. Pal, you've added ten years to my life! A poet with a straight left and a right hook - delicious! Delicious! You're my guest from now on - forever and a day - even unto eternity! Thanks, but Miss Dawson and I are going out to see the sights. -Thanks, but Miss Dawson and I are going out to see the sights. Fine, fine. Swell, You just showed me a sight lovely to behold, and I'd like to reciprocate. Listen, you hop aboard my magic carpet— —thanks - and I'll show you sights that you've never seen before. -Fine, fine. Swell, You just showed me a sight lovely to behold, and I'd like to reciprocate. Listen, you hop aboard my magic carpet— —thanks - and I'll show you sights that you've never seen before. I'd kind of like to see Grant's Tomb - and the Statue of Liberty. -Well, you'll not only see those, but before the evening's half through, you'll be leaning against the Leaning Tower of Pisa - you'll mount Mt. Everest. I'll show you the Pyramids and all the little Pyramiddes, leaping from sphinx to sphinx. Pal, how would you like to go on a real, old-fashioned binge? Binge? -Binge? Yes. I mean the real McCoy. Listen, you play saloon with me, and I'll introduce you to every wit, every nit-wit, and every half-wit in New York. We'll go on a twister that'll make Omar the soused philosopher of Persia[7] look like an anemic on a goat's milk diet. -That ought to be fun. Fun? Say, listen, I'll take you on a bender that will live in your memory as a thing of beauty and joy forever. Boy! Boy! My headpiece! -Who are they? I don't know. -New mouthpiece. Been waiting two weeks for this. Kids keep swiping them all the time. They use 'em for bean shooters. What can I do for you gentlemen? You gentlemen going to stay for lunch? -How about lunch? Are the gentlemen going to stay - or not? Of course they're going to stay. She's got some fresh orange layer cake. You know, with the thick stuff on the top? Sure, they don't want to go to the hotel. -No, he's too fussy for that. That's what's the matter with him. There are lots of nice girls right here in Mandrake Falls who're dying to be married— Don't pay any attention to her. -Don't pay any attention to her. He's got a lot of foolish notions - about saving a lady in distress. -He's got a lot of foolish notions - about saving a lady in distress. Now you keep out of this! -Well, we could borrow a couple from Mrs. Simpson. You know, she went to Niagara Falls last year. I'm kind of nervous. I've never been away from Mandrake Falls in my life. Kind of like to see Grant's Tomb, though. -Hear what he said? You know how much twenty million is? I don't care how much it is. You sit right there and eat your lunch. You haven't touched a thing. -What is your name? Christian Svenson. -Christian Svenson. Farmer? -Farmer? Yes, ma'am. -Yes, ma'am. Where is your farm? -Where is your farm? South Dakota north. -South Dakota north. South Dakota - north? -South Dakota - north? South Dakota - but on the top. -South Dakota - but on the top. Oh. Oh! -You're Mabel - her sister - aren't you? Huh? Oh, yes - yes, of course. Her sister. Yes, I've been her sister for a long time. -Huh? Oh, yes - yes, of course. Her sister. Yes, I've been her sister for a long time. Is she home? -Is she home? Yeah. What? -Yeah. What? Is Mary home? -You mean— —by the neck or something? Sure. They got on my nerves, so I threw 'em out. -Nice day out - er, nice night - wasn't it? - isn't it? Yes, lovely. We've had a lot of nice weather lately. -Yes, lovely. We've had a lot of nice weather lately. It would be a nice night to go for a walk, don't you think? -It would be a nice night to go for a walk, don't you think? Oh yes, I think it'd be a swell night to go for a walk. A nice long one. -Goodnight. Don't worry. I won't keep her out late. Thank you so much. Good night. -Tails tonight, sir? What - tails? Why, that's a monkey suit![5] Do you want people to laugh at me? I never wore one of those things in my life. -What - tails? Why, that's a monkey suit![5] Do you want people to laugh at me? I never wore one of those things in my life. Yes, sir. -What do you think you're doing? Why, I'm assisting you, sir. -Why, I'm assisting you, sir. Get up from there. I don't want anybody holding the ends of my pants. Get up from there! -Get up from there. I don't want anybody holding the ends of my pants. Get up from there! Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Imagine that - holding the ends of my pants! -No, sir. Excuse me. What did you say? -He talks about women as if they were cattle. Every man to his taste, sir. -Every man to his taste, sir. Tell me, Walter, are all those stories I hear about my uncle true? -Tell me, Walter, are all those stories I hear about my uncle true? Well, sir, he sometimes had as many as twenty in the house at the same time. -Well, sir, he sometimes had as many as twenty in the house at the same time. Twenty! What did he do with them? -Twenty! What did he do with them? That was something I was never able to find out, sir. -Mr. Deeds - Mr. Deeds, sir - you really must get up. It's late! You're Walter, aren't you? -You're Walter, aren't you? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. I just wanted to make sure. -Yes, sir. What's that? -What's that? A Prairie Oyster, sir.[10] -A Prairie Oyster, sir.[10] Prairie? Oysters? -Prairie? Oysters? Yes, sir. It makes the head feel smaller. -Oh. Oh! Has Miss Dawson called yet? Miss Dawson, sir? No, sir. No Miss Dawson has called, sir. -Miss Dawson, sir? No, sir. No Miss Dawson has called, sir. She was a lady in distress. She wouldn't let me help her. Got a lot of pride. I like that. -She was a lady in distress. She wouldn't let me help her. Got a lot of pride. I like that. Oh, I do too, sir. -Oh, I do too, sir. I'd better call her up and apologize. I don't remember taking her home last night. -I'd better call her up and apologize. I don't remember taking her home last night. I'd venture to say, sir, you don't remember much of anything that happened last night, sir. -What do you mean? I remember everything! Hand me my pants - I wrote her phone number on a piece of paper. You have no pants, sir. -You came home last night - without them. I did what! -I did what! As a matter of fact, you came home without any clothes. You were in your - uh - shorts. Yes, sir. -As a matter of fact, you came home without any clothes. You were in your - uh - shorts. Yes, sir. Oh, don't be silly, Walter. I couldn't walk around in the streets without any clothes. I'd be arrested. -Oh, don't be silly, Walter. I couldn't walk around in the streets without any clothes. I'd be arrested. That's what the two policemen said, sir. -That's what the two policemen said, sir. What two policemen? -What two policemen? "The ones who brought you home, sir. They said you and another gentleman kept walking up and down the streets, shouting: ""Back to nature! Clothes are a blight on civilization! Back to nature!""" -Please! But how'll I put on the slipper, sir? -Yes, sir. I beg pardon, sir, but did you ever find what you were looking for, sir? Looking for? -Looking for? You kept searching me last night, sir. Going through my pockets. You said you were looking for a rhyme for Budington. -You kept searching me last night, sir. Going through my pockets. You said you were looking for a rhyme for Budington. Better bring me some coffee, Walter. -Better bring me some coffee, Walter. Very good, sir. Oh, I beg pardon. A telegram came for you, sir. I'll get you some black coffee, sir. -Madame Pomponi is on the telephone, sir. Who? -Who? Madame Pomponi. She says everything is all set for the reception. -Madame Pomponi. She says everything is all set for the reception. What do you mean by coming in here when I'm playing? -What do you mean by coming in here when I'm playing? But she's on the telephone— -But she's on the telephone— Get out. The evil finger's on you. Get out! -Hey, did you hear that? What, sir? -Why, that's an echo, sir! You try it. -You try it. Me, sir? -Me, sir? Yeah. -Yes, sir. What is it, sir? Anything happened3 Anything happened? I've got to get dressed! I can't meet her like this! -Anything happened? I've got to get dressed! I can't meet her like this! But she isn't due for an hour, sir. -But she isn't due for an hour, sir. An hour? What's an hour! You know how time flies, Walter. My tie? Get it. -An hour? What's an hour! You know how time flies, Walter. My tie? Get it. Yes, sir. Very good, sir. Here it is right here, sir. There, sir. -Pack my things, Walter. I'm going home. Yes, sir. -Shall I call the police, sir? No! What do you want!! -What do they want from me? What have I done that's so wrong? They act as though they don't have their own peculiar things... They do! Believe me. Everybody's got something... Even you probably have things. Me more than most. -Me more than most. Why are they ganging up against me? -Why are they ganging up against me? I'm not sure. But I think they're worried about you. -I'm not sure. But I think they're worried about you. It's the kids, you know, not Jeremy. He had nothing to do with this -- except pay, of course. He's always willing to pay. He's extremely generous. I'm so humiliated that my own children would threaten me. -It's the kids, you know, not Jeremy. He had nothing to do with this -- except pay, of course. He's always willing to pay. He's extremely generous. I'm so humiliated that my own children would threaten me. How did they threaten you? -How did they threaten you? They said if I didn't get help, they wouldn't deal with me any more. What do you think about that? -They said if I didn't get help, they wouldn't deal with me any more. What do you think about that? Good kids. -Mmmmfffstttubll abbittmm. Hmm? -I said... you must come out to the house for dinner on Thursday. Really? You think so? -Really? You think so? Yes. Jeremy will be home for the weekend. And you can meet the kids. --- The argument had nothing to do with it. I understand. I just want to know what the argument was about. -I understand. I just want to know what the argument was about. "I had ordered some books. ""The 100 Greatest Books Ever Written.""" -"I had ordered some books. ""The 100 Greatest Books Ever Written.""" Uh-huh. What are they? -Uh-huh. What are they? Oh, all the great writers -- Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Moby Dick... those people. Each is bound in genuine premium leather with 22 carat gold accents. It's a magnificent set -- and only $33.50 per volume. Right away you get Great Expectations for just $6.99. -Oh, all the great writers -- Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Moby Dick... those people. Each is bound in genuine premium leather with 22 carat gold accents. It's a magnificent set -- and only $33.50 per volume. Right away you get Great Expectations for just $6.99. One hundred books? -One hundred books? It's irrelevant. It had nothing to do with what happened. -It's irrelevant. It had nothing to do with what happened. What happened? -We argued on Sunday. He went to work on Monday and stayed in the city during the week, like always. But on Thursday, when he normally comes home, he didn't. Didn't call either. Not till Saturday afternoon. You must have been concerned. -You must have been concerned. It's happened before. I'm shocked by how little I'm feeling. I can't understand it. I'll probably have a complete depressoid collapse soon, won't I? -It's happened before. I'm shocked by how little I'm feeling. I can't understand it. I'll probably have a complete depressoid collapse soon, won't I? Doubtful. What did he say? -Doubtful. What did he say? "He said he wasn't coming back. He said it wasn't working for him any more. That it hadn't ""worked for him"" for quite a while... You know what I regret the most? I'm sorry I let him make the kids take his name. He was an acquirer. He liked to acquire things." -I know my time's up, but I've got to get this out while I've got hold of it -- Take your time. -Take your time. -- When I was in high school, the thing I wanted most, when I was stuck in class, the thing I was always desperately in pursuit of -- was a hall pass. That's all I wanted. I loved moving freely around the school while everybody else was trapped in there... And that's how I feel right now... Like I have some giant, all- day hall pass. -You can go out there if you like... """There's no shame in getting a little therapy"", right, Doc?" -Dr. Mumford. Mr. Cook. -Mr. Cook. Could you come with me please? -I know I shoulda come to your office. I was gonna, actually, but then when you walked in here today... Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. It's my daughter Sofie... she's gotta problem. -It's my daughter Sofie... she's gotta problem. What's that? -What's that? We're not sure. She's been to all kinds of doctors in the city and they've said different things. Some of 'em are callin' it -- -- Epstein-Barr virus, and the rest are callin' it... Chronic Fatigue Symptom... -We're not sure. She's been to all kinds of doctors in the city and they've said different things. Some of 'em are callin' it -- -- Epstein-Barr virus, and the rest are callin' it... Chronic Fatigue Symptom... Syndrome... Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. -Syndrome... Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. That's it -- syndrome. So you know all about it? -That's it -- syndrome. So you know all about it? No... a little. There's a lot of debate about it. -No... a little. There's a lot of debate about it. Yeah, I got that. Some people think it's all in their heads. It's been so bad she's had to move back here to Mumford and live with us. And I'm not sure that's the best thing, either... -Yeah, I got that. Some people think it's all in their heads. It's been so bad she's had to move back here to Mumford and live with us. And I'm not sure that's the best thing, either... Why's that? -Why's that? Oh... a lot of things. Several different factors. Will you see her, Doctor Mumford? -Oh... a lot of things. Several different factors. Will you see her, Doctor Mumford? Sure. Why don't you bring her up to my office at 3 tomorrow afternoon. -I'm not sure she'll come. She's in a mood. Do you ever go to somebody's house? Generally that doesn't work out so well. It sends the wrong message to people who need to make a change. -Hello, Mr. Cook. I was wondering if Sofie was around? Were you supposed to have a session? -Were you supposed to have a session? No. It's sort of spur of the moment. -Her friend from the city came and took her out to dinner. First time in a long time she's been willing. A friend? -Better make yourself comfortable. We got a three hour drive here. I'm fine. -I'm fine. You're the shrink, aren't you? -You're the shrink, aren't you? No, not really. -No, not really. But you do therapy? -But you do therapy? Not any more. -What an asshole! Ernest, what do you think? -Ernest, what do you think? I think he's got a point. -Thank you. You never got back to me. ...I called to say we'd like to take you out for a meal?... Kind of a professional welcome. -What Ernest means, I think, is we're very interested in other methodology... different kinds of training. We're great believers in learning from each other. I've learned so much from Ern -- Dr. Delbanco... ...And I from Phyllis. -...And I from Phyllis. So... the University of Kentucky. Who runs the program down there? -But they're certainly dead. And yes, personally, I find it a bit odd. It could happen. What about his state certification exams? The records seem to be in order. -You do seem much more disposed toward him than I understand, Ernest. Did I miss something? Oh, for god's sake, Phyllis -- we have no reason to doubt the man! Are we listening to Lionel now? -Phyllis, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout... No, Dr. Delbanco, it is I who am sorry. Sorry to have wasted your time with such... -Dr. Delbanco. It's nice to see you again. I don't think you know Dr. Sheeler. She's the other therapist here in town. -I don't think you know Dr. Sheeler. She's the other therapist here in town. Of course... I've heard great things about you. -What are you doing for lunch? Right now? -I've run on. Forgive me. We're here to talk about you. Are we? -My mentor was an amazing teacher named Benton Mandlebaum. Died quite tragically in the collapse of a gazebo. I think I've heard of him... a disciple of Rothberg, wasn't he? -Interesting approach. What was his name? Dorothy Fowler. Fantastic woman. She passed last year in a train wreck. Damned Amtrak. -We're interested in any new therapies. How would you characterize your approach? My approach? -...I won't go into that today. Though, if we should continue these sessions, as I certainly hope we will, there are some aspects of that I would like to look at. God knows, I've listened to enough people giving me the juicy -- ...At any rate, I just wanted to acknowledge the catalyzing effect your comment had on me. I just hope that it doesn't come roiling back upon you like some dreadful undertow. How do you mean? -Well... you see, when I broke it off with Phyllis, she was naturally upset and she became more determined than ever to pursue certain -- how to put it -- doubts she's been harboring... What kind of doubts? -What kind of doubts? About you... your background and your qualifications. I'm afraid Phyllis somehow got you mixed up in her fury with me, and actually took the whole issue to the state board. -I see. And please, for whatever small way I may have encouraged this, accept my apologies. There is good news, though. -And please, for whatever small way I may have encouraged this, accept my apologies. There is good news, though. What's that? -What's that? Phyllis has decided to leave town and pursue her practice in the city. Which leaves you the only psychologist in town. -Phyllis has decided to leave town and pursue her practice in the city. Which leaves you the only psychologist in town. Dr. Sheeler is leaving Mumford? I'm sorry to hear that. -Dr. Sheeler is leaving Mumford? I'm sorry to hear that. As you can imagine, my own feelings about this are mixed... Unlike, I must say, those of my wife. -I have eighteen more minutes! I don't want to hear any more today. -I don't want to hear any more today. Why not? -Why not? Mr. Follett, do you trust me or don't you? -Mr. Follett, do you trust me or don't you? Well, I don't know... I only been seeing you -- -Well, I don't know... I only been seeing you -- Without trust, there's no point to any of this. You might as well not come. -Without trust, there's no point to any of this. You might as well not come. Now hold on, I didn't say I didn't want to come -- -Now hold on, I didn't say I didn't want to come -- Good, then go. -Or maybe it wasn't an accident at all -- Mr. Follett. -Mr. Follett. -- 'cause in that instant I saw the beginning of a vixen's smile and I knew -- --- 'cause in that instant I saw the beginning of a vixen's smile and I knew -- Henry! -What? Stop now. -Stop now. Why? I'm paying for this. -Why? I'm paying for this. Not for this. Not me, you're not. -Not for this. Not me, you're not. You find it distasteful, don't you? -You find it distasteful, don't you? It doesn't matter how I feel about it. It's how you feel about it that matters. -It doesn't matter how I feel about it. It's how you feel about it that matters. I enjoy it. Does that make me some kind of pervert? Just because a man has a rich imaginative life -- -I enjoy it. Does that make me some kind of pervert? Just because a man has a rich imaginative life -- You didn't come to me because you have a rich imagination. -You didn't come to me because you have a rich imagination. No? -No? You came because it's taking over. You're in its grip. -You came because it's taking over. You're in its grip. I never said that. -Where's your wife, Henry? Go to hell. -Go to hell. I didn't hear you. -We got divorced. I had to get rid of her. She couldn't satisfy me. What?! -I was... never satisfied. Now we're back on track. -What's that? You are so mean. -What is it? It's a thought I had. -It's a thought I had. Should I open it now? -Let me just say something here... I have no idea if this is going to help. What exactly is it supposed to do? -What exactly is it supposed to do? You remember when I asked you about pornography -- -You remember when I asked you about pornography -- -- I find it degrading. Maximum gynecology and minimum turn-on -- --- I find it degrading. Maximum gynecology and minimum turn-on -- -- and you told me that. Still, there's some kind of imagery that's haunting you and, I think, getting in your way -- --- and you told me that. Still, there's some kind of imagery that's haunting you and, I think, getting in your way -- -- Which I don't necessarily agree. --- Which I don't necessarily agree. But you did come to me. -My guess is these images were burned into your brain when you were young. Maybe if we could nail down the exact fantasies that are haunting you -- maybe you could get past them... Anyway, I thought we could try an experiment. And the experiment is in here? -Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? I want to know what's in here. There's absolutely no reason to think this is going to have any impact on you. I'm embarrassed to have -- -Uh, sorry, I'm going to have to... ...I really appreciate what you're trying to... uh, I can't thank you enough for... My pleasure. -I feel like we're making real progress here. Me too, Doc. And I can't tell you what that package meant to me -- -I didn't see you there. Can I help you? My name's Gilroy. I'm from the State Certification Board. -It's all right, it won't bite you. Under civil code 1294.67b you are entitled to be notified that your status and certification are being reviewed. This is the notice. Do you want to come in? -Do you want to come in? No thanks. Plenty of time for that when we're a little further along. -No thanks. Plenty of time for that when we're a little further along. Mr. Gilroy -- -What brought this on? I'm not at liberty to say. Sometimes it's just routine, sometimes there's been a complaint. We'll be in touch. -You must be Dr. Mumford of Mumford. Jeremy Brockett. Doc. Nice to meet you. -Doc. Nice to meet you. Sorry I'm late... traffic was a motherfucker. Have another drink, I'll be back in five. -I think you'll like this. Know much about Cuban cigars? Nope. -Are you a man who likes to treat himself right? I've had my moments. -I've had my moments. "I am. And I'm not ashamed of it. Nobody ever said on their death bed -- ""I treated myself too well.""" -"I am. And I'm not ashamed of it. Nobody ever said on their death bed -- ""I treated myself too well.""" "I thought it was -- Nobody ever said, ""I should have spent more time at the office.""" -"I thought it was -- Nobody ever said, ""I should have spent more time at the office.""" Fill in the blank. I don't mind the office. The point is, you only go 'round once. Like the Zens say -- Be here now. -Fill in the blank. I don't mind the office. The point is, you only go 'round once. Like the Zens say -- Be here now. What do you do? -What do you do? Althea hasn't told you? -Althea hasn't told you? We've been talking about her, mostly. -We've been talking about her, mostly. Well, in '85 four of us left our firms and formed an investment banking venture. We've got twenty-three people working there now. -Well, in '85 four of us left our firms and formed an investment banking venture. We've got twenty-three people working there now. You've done well. -We've done... very well. You know anything about addiction, Doc? A little. -A little. Well, I'm addicted to winning. I say when you're in the red zone, you gotta score. So what do you think? -Well, I'm addicted to winning. I say when you're in the red zone, you gotta score. So what do you think? Tastes good. -Tastes good. No... I mean about Althea. About her... ...behavior. Do you think you can fix her up? -No... I mean about Althea. About her... ...behavior. Do you think you can fix her up? What do you think's wrong with her? -What do you think's wrong with her? She's gone weird is what's wrong with her. Out of control. Probably from living out here in Mayberry. -You're the doctor, what do you think? She seems very unhappy. -Clarence Norman White, do you understand how serious are the crimes with which you have been charged? I do. -I do. Do you realize how insidious it is to invade the most private thoughts and secret lives of unsuspecting people?... -...People who have come to you with the faith that you know what you're doing... and that you are who you say you are? Yes, your honor. -Yes, your honor. It means absolutely nothing to me that so many of your patients have come forward with praise for you and your therapeutic skills. You understand that? -It means absolutely nothing to me that so many of your patients have come forward with praise for you and your therapeutic skills. You understand that? Yes. -Mr. White, I am frustrated that the criminal code in this state allows a maximum sentence of only six months and a maximum fine of only $2000. I'm sorry, your honor. -I'm sorry, your honor. What? -What? I'm sorry you're frustrated. -I'm sorry you're frustrated. Are you disrespecting this court, Mr. White? -Are you disrespecting this court, Mr. White? No, sir. I was empathizing. Sorry. -No, sir. I was empathizing. Sorry. Maybe you can empathize with this -- Maximum fine. Three months in jail, three months house arrest. Sentence to begin immediately at the Orchard Valley Correctional Facility. Case closed. This court is adjourned. -Yeah... me you, too... I was at your house... Oh? -Oh? Upstairs, with Doc... Yeah, it's very nice... I heard your shower. -I've seen you going by on your board, but I didn't realize -- you're so young... to be so... What? -So, is this like a Japanese restaurant? I'd better get in there. -I'd better get in there. That's a lot of people all at once. -That's a lot of people all at once. It's okay. They pre-order. There's a choice of three entrees. -It's okay. They pre-order. There's a choice of three entrees. What are they? -Meat loaf, turkey quesadillas, or salad nicoise. Salad nicoise? I love salad nicoise. -Salad nicoise? I love salad nicoise. You do? -You do? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, come on in. -You're early... it's not ready. What happened? My patient had to leave early. -My patient had to leave early. Who was that? -"Does the phrase ""nosy"" have any meaning to you, Lily?" I think it's like... inquisitive. -I think it's like... inquisitive. It was Henry Follett. -It was Henry Follett. Man, you see him a lot. And it's very wrong to reveal it. Next you'll be saying what his problem is. -Man, you see him a lot. And it's very wrong to reveal it. Next you'll be saying what his problem is. What do you want to know? -What do you want to know? You're terrible. I'm never telling you anything. -How long you been in this town? Oh, I don't know... -Oh, I don't know... Four months, two and a half weeks -- that's how long. And you've already got more patients than those other two shrinks combined. -Four months, two and a half weeks -- that's how long. And you've already got more patients than those other two shrinks combined. Lily, I don't think even you could know that -- -You know who that is, don't you? You really don't? That's Skip Skipperton, man. He gets himself hit by a truck, this whole town shuts down. Oh, so that's him? The Panda Man. -So, what makes you so popular? What's your secret? You like me. How come? -You like me. How come? Not sure. Let me think about it. -How ya doin', Ainge? Evenin', Lily. Doc. Ainge... -Do we run into the street? No, I didn't think so. Nice car. How's that place? It's a pretty piece of land. -And the Brocketts? Horror show. What'd you do tonight? -Horror show. What'd you do tonight? It was insane here, man. 'Hadda call in the National Guard. Then I did my laundry... watched 20/20. -It was insane here, man. 'Hadda call in the National Guard. Then I did my laundry... watched 20/20. ...And? -...And? Shocking. Did you know the government is wasteful? You heard it here first. Oh, and being a supermodel... it's no walk in the park. -Shocking. Did you know the government is wasteful? You heard it here first. Oh, and being a supermodel... it's no walk in the park. Why do you watch? -Why do you watch? No gentleman caller, Doc. Not that I care. I've had it with men. They're so fascinated by their own crap. Took me four years to get the last one out. Almost turned me into a dyke... These days my idea of a hot date is a long shower by myself before bed. Now that feels good. And you don't have to do all that... listening. -They come through a few times each year. Hello, Mrs. Saito, good to see you again! It's a tour. Where am I supposed to eat? -Where am I supposed to eat? You're on your own today, honey. -Lily, I want you to meet Skip. Skip, Lily. It's a pleasure to meet you. -...so rich? ...so accomplished. -Doc... Lily. -Lily. Doc. -I don't want you to be mad at Skip... He told you. -He told you. Skip and I wouldn't have got together if it weren't for you. That's a big deal. -Skip and I wouldn't have got together if it weren't for you. That's a big deal. You would have met in some shower eventually... -You would have met in some shower eventually... I want to give you something. Will you let me? -I want to give you something. Will you let me? Thanks, Lily, I don't need anything. -Thanks, Lily, I don't need anything. Yes, you do, you damn well do. -Yes, you do, you damn well do. Okay. -Okay. Here it is, some advice -- do the hard thing. -Here it is, some advice -- do the hard thing. That's it? That's what you're giving me? -That's it? That's what you're giving me? Clean up the mess. No matter what it takes. -What it might take is... doing time. Too bad. That's tough, I mean it. I'm not unsympathetic. But Skip says you're in love. --- you can sit up and look at me if you'd like -- -- maybe it would be helpful if you told me a little about what brought you here. Kind of impatient for a big-time headshrinker, aren't you? How 'bout you let me explain it my own way... -...but it's not really my school -- and this is very interesting -- it's the school from the next district -- -- Go on! --- you crazy? You can't do this! Sure I can, Lionel. -Sure I can, Lionel. I'm a criminal lawyer -- you think I like my clients? I can't stand most of them! But I don't kick them out... -I'm a criminal lawyer -- you think I like my clients? I can't stand most of them! But I don't kick them out... See that sign -- We retain the right to refuse service to anyone. I'm not going to charge you for this session, but I don't want to see you back here. -Don't you at least have a back door I can use? Come out this way. There's no shame in getting a little therapy... is there, Althea? -Maybe some of us don't need this crap! And it's the Hubble Telescope, not the Himball Telescope. -Hello, Lionel. You've got to have the right ladder for the job. You don't know what you're doing, you can get yourself in trouble. -You've got to have the right ladder for the job. You don't know what you're doing, you can get yourself in trouble. You're right, as usual. See you. -It's a country club. Don't worry about it. Thanks for your help, Lionel. -But you know how to drive? Sure. -Sure. Got a license? But no car? -Got a license? But no car? Don't need it. -Don't need it. I just got my license two weeks ago. -I just got my license two weeks ago. You're good. -You're good. I been drivin' since I was twelve. -I been drivin' since I was twelve. That would explain it. -That would explain it. Can you help Mom? -Can you help Mom? I'm trying. -I'm trying. Got to. -What's wrong with her? Is she a friend of yours? -Is she a friend of yours? No... sort of. Man, she could be cool, but all she does is get wrecked and do all the guys. She's blowin' them in the parking lot. -Hiya, Doc. Martin. -Martin. Did you straighten her out? -How are you? Insane! Didn't ja hear? My family got five hundred times better. Let's go, Vanessa. -Hello, Mother. I want you to meet Dr. Mumford. Mumford... like the town? -What's happening here? We're going for a walk. -We're going for a walk. Do you think that's a good idea? -Do you think that's a good idea? Dr. Mumford does, yes. I've put myself completely in his hands. For today, anyway. -Dr. Mumford does, yes. I've put myself completely in his hands. For today, anyway. What kind of doctor are you? -It'll never happen! You're in big trouble, mister. Mother... go away! -Ph.D., psychologist. Oh... not a real doctor. -Oh... not a real doctor. That's right, the fake kind. -What'd you want? There's something I think we need to talk about. -There's something I think we need to talk about. What? -Finally, some common sense... What do you mean? -What do you mean? I think you know what I mean. -I think you know what I mean. No, I really don't. -No, I really don't. I think you do. -I think you do. Why don't you tell me? -Why don't you tell me? Why don't you go to hell? It's all a bunch of nonsense and you know it. -Well... you see, the problem is -- -- the problem is you're a big fake. You haven't got a clue what's wrong with that girl. -Wow. You're something. Take a hike, Dr. Quack! -Well, look who's here... Good evening, Mrs. Cook. -Good evening, Mrs. Cook. Just who is here, can you tell me? -Just who is here, can you tell me? Could I see Sofie, please? -Could I see Sofie, please? No, you can not. I wouldn't know who to say is calling. -Sofie. It's so obvious... you're after my daughter. Well, I gotta say, Mrs. Cook, you're right about that. -Feel free to lie down. Most people do. I'd better not, I'll fall right to sleep. I think it's too soon for me to be sleeping with you. -What can you tell me about this? Oh, lord. It's almost too exhausting to tell you... ...about my exhaustion. I didn't really want to come. I'm not hopeful right now. But I couldn't take the look on my dad's face. He's a truly kind person, which is pretty extraordinary if you knew the story. He's the opposite of me, I guess -- all stamina and resolve. -When did you start to feel this way? About six months ago, I guess it is now. God, it seems like years. What a bore! I'm embarrassed by it. Before this happened -- when I'd hear people talk about this kind of thing -- I thought it was a bunch of bullshit. -What? You think that now! You think it's a bunch of hooey, don't you? -You think that now! You think it's a bunch of hooey, don't you? No. -No. I saw it. I saw it in your eyes. -"That's okay. Maybe it is. My mother always says -- ""Everything that's wrong with you is in your head."" I suppose that's true." Back when this started, was there anything unusual happening in your life? A change of job, of living situation... a loss of some kind? -Back when this started, was there anything unusual happening in your life? A change of job, of living situation... a loss of some kind? No... but it started one year to the day after my divorce became final. That's not too suspicious, is it?... But it wasn't like I was feeling bad about the divorce. Just the opposite. -No... but it started one year to the day after my divorce became final. That's not too suspicious, is it?... But it wasn't like I was feeling bad about the divorce. Just the opposite. Hmm. -Hmm. Hmm? Is that a professional opinion? -Hmm? Is that a professional opinion? Hmm, as in -- that's interesting. Sometimes, with enough clues, it's possible to figure these things out. -Hmm, as in -- that's interesting. Sometimes, with enough clues, it's possible to figure these things out. Even if you don't think it's real? -Even if you don't think it's real? I don't know what's real and what isn't. That's never been my strong suit. But if you're tired all the time and you've had to give up the life you were having and come back home when you didn't want to... that's worth trying to fix. Maybe I can help you do that. -I don't know what's real and what isn't. That's never been my strong suit. But if you're tired all the time and you've had to give up the life you were having and come back home when you didn't want to... that's worth trying to fix. Maybe I can help you do that. What would you do? -What would you do? We... we would try several things. But I need to see you a lot. -We... we would try several things. But I need to see you a lot. I don't know. I barely made it today. -I don't know. I barely made it today. I'll come to you. We'll try a little walking. -We'll take it slow. You'll never feel you can't handle it. I don't think I can afford it. I don't want my dad paying. -I don't think I can afford it. I don't want my dad paying. We'll work it out. -You have the best answer for everything. You seem so... hopeful. Are you always this sunny? No one ever thought so. You must bring it out. -No one ever thought so. You must bring it out. Is it contagious? 'Cause everyone agrees my immune system's way down. -Is it contagious? 'Cause everyone agrees my immune system's way down. Maybe you'll catch it. -Maybe you'll catch it. Can I ask you something? Didn't you tell my dad you didn't think it was a good idea to come to the patient? So what changed? -I'm not making any promises. We'll turn back anytime you want. -We'll turn back anytime you want. Oh boy... this should be interesting. -Mom's such a cutie. People usually have to get to know me before they hate me. -People usually have to get to know me before they hate me. She's not in a bad mood. She's like that all the time. It doesn't bother me anymore. It's my dad and my brother I worry about. -She's not in a bad mood. She's like that all the time. It doesn't bother me anymore. It's my dad and my brother I worry about. Maybe... but you're the one whose ass is dragging. -Maybe... but you're the one whose ass is dragging. Is that the technical description of what I've got? -Is that the technical description of what I've got? Is she against you getting help? -Is she against you getting help? We don't discuss it. -We don't discuss it. Something's bothering her. -Something's bothering her. "Oh, we've all disappointed her. Me, especially, but Dad, of course. She thinks my brother's all right, but she didn't expect much. It's what happens when you ""marry beneath yourself""..." -Please... forgive me. What? -What? Negative thinking makes everything more difficult. If you're going to have enough strength to do this, we have to talk only about positive things. All right? -Okay then... Are you positive your mother's a bitch? Just kidding. You've got a funny idea of funny. -You've got a funny idea of funny. I've offended you! -I've offended you! No. -No. Really? What would it take? -Is this the treatment? Sorry... I'm done. -Sorry... I'm done. 'Cause I'll tell you, none of the others have tried this approach. -I'm embarrassed. The list is so long. Be specific. -Be specific. Well... I'm tired all the time, obviously. I always feel like taking a nap. But when I try to sleep, I have trouble. My muscles ache. And my joints. I feel like an old person, or like I did back when I used to work out too hard... What else?... -Sore throat? Uh-huh. -Painful lymph glands? Forget fulness... irritability... depression? Yes, yes, and definitely yes. Also... I get confused. -Yes, yes, and definitely yes. Also... I get confused. Yeah, most people have that. It's confusing here. -Yeah, most people have that. It's confusing here. Where? -Where? Life. -I don't know if I mentioned the headaches. Did you get headaches before this? But you get more now? Or more severe? -Did you get headaches before this? But you get more now? Or more severe? No, not really. They're about the same. My marriage was one long headache. -No, not really. They're about the same. My marriage was one long headache. So the headaches may not even be a part of this? -I can give myself a headache instantly. Is that like a party trick? -Is that like a party trick? All I have to do is have two conflicting thoughts at the same time... Like I'll think -- 'Taking these walks is going to help Sofie get better.' But then I'll also think -- 'Mumford, you just enjoy taking these walks and you're kidding yourself about the benefits.' -There... I've given myself a real whopper. You actually address yourself by name in your thoughts? So you really think having two opposing ideas in your head does some kind of damage? -You actually address yourself by name in your thoughts? So you really think having two opposing ideas in your head does some kind of damage? Sometimes, yeah... pulling in two different directions at once. It makes tiny little tears in our fabric. -Sometimes, yeah... pulling in two different directions at once. It makes tiny little tears in our fabric. Well then, my life has been some kind of huge rip. -You're doing great. I don't know if I'm going to make it the whole way. -I don't know if I'm going to make it the whole way. It doesn't matter. Go on. -It doesn't matter. Go on. Oh... this makes me sound irrational, which is probably right, but there was something about him saying this -- it was maybe the millionth time he'd told me about some preference of his. Well, I was so... tired of it. Seems like my whole life someone's been telling me... I'm just not getting it right. Can we rest for a second? -You're purposely making me talk while we do this... ...because you think this is good for me... ...and you're a sadistic bastard... Yes. -Yes. ...who thinks there's nothing really wrong with me. -...who thinks there's nothing really wrong with me. Oh, there's something wrong with you, all right. Especially after hearing that dream of yours, about the Roto-Rooter. -That was really bad, wasn't it? Disgusting. -Disgusting. And I'll bet you can interpret the whole thing -And I'll bet you can interpret the whole thing It's pretty obvious to a trained professional. -Is that when you split up? No, that'd be a good story, but that was just the beginning of the end. We went on for another year or so. -So whose route is this? Brady Peck's. Fourteen years old. Lives next door. -Brady Peck's. Fourteen years old. Lives next door. And he's where? -And he's where? In the capitol for Boy's Nation. Five days. Why? -In the capitol for Boy's Nation. Five days. Why? I'm thinking a gal could make a good living doing this. How hard could it be squeezing out some fourteen year old? -I'm thinking a gal could make a good living doing this. How hard could it be squeezing out some fourteen year old? You like it? -You like it? It's all right. -It's all right. Then you can expect me at 5:30 tomorrow morning. -Then you can expect me at 5:30 tomorrow morning. And this is legitimate therapy? -And this is legitimate therapy? Therapy? Hell no, I just don't want to do it alone. -When I was in high school we used to come up here and make out. I liked to sit on the rock and watch the sun go down. That's what I like. -That's what I like. Which thing? -Which thing? Either one. -Either one. Why'd you come to the house the other night? -Why'd you come to the house the other night? I thought I had something to tell you. But it turned out I didn't. -I thought I had something to tell you. But it turned out I didn't. My brother said you were about to fire me. -My brother said you were about to fire me. That's one way to put it. -That's one way to put it. I bet I know what changed your mind... ...My mother. She was so horrible, you decided you couldn't desert me. -I bet I know what changed your mind... ...My mother. She was so horrible, you decided you couldn't desert me. I thought only action movies had villains like that. --- you've been a tremendous help to me. Yeah? -Yeah? I can't tell you how much I admire you. You have a wonderful way with people. And you're very insightful. I feel like you've seen me clearly... I never used to admit what a horrible person my mother was. You've made that possible for me. -I can't tell you how much I admire you. You have a wonderful way with people. And you're very insightful. I feel like you've seen me clearly... I never used to admit what a horrible person my mother was. You've made that possible for me. That's... good? -That's... good? Yes! And my ex-husband -- he never accepted me for who I was, just like Mother. The things you've said have helped me understand what a dick he is. -Yes! And my ex-husband -- he never accepted me for who I was, just like Mother. The things you've said have helped me understand what a dick he is. I don't know if -- -I don't know if -- You're shockingly honest, that's what makes you great. I've never had a man treat me this way. With you, I feel really... listened to. Can I tell you something? It's a little embarrassing, but I feel very unguarded with you. -You're shockingly honest, that's what makes you great. I've never had a man treat me this way. With you, I feel really... listened to. Can I tell you something? It's a little embarrassing, but I feel very unguarded with you. Of course. -Of course. Thanks to this therapy, I now know what I'm looking for. I need to find a man like you. Not one who's treating me, of course. And I'm going to do it, dammit! You've given me the confidence. -I need to talk to you... Doctor. Can I come in? Of course. -It might've been more appropriate if we had followed a traditional approach to the doctor-patient relationship. Is something wrong, Sofie? -Is something wrong, Sofie? Yes, something's very wrong, Dr. Mumford. -Yes, something's very wrong, Dr. Mumford. You're upset. -You're upset. How intuitive! That must take years of training right there. Maybe you can guess what has upset me. -Is it something you've heard about me? No, it is not something I've heard about you! It is someth-- Why? Is there something I should have heard about you? -No, it is not something I've heard about you! It is someth-- Why? Is there something I should have heard about you? Why don't you tell me what's on your mind? -All right... I'm going to come right out and say this, because that's what your shrink is for, right, so you can tell him what's bothering you? Um-huh. -Um-huh. First of all, I have been feeling much better lately. I don't know if the syndrome is over -- if it's just run its course or something -- but I feel a hundred per cent better than when I first came to you. -First of all, I have been feeling much better lately. I don't know if the syndrome is over -- if it's just run its course or something -- but I feel a hundred per cent better than when I first came to you. I'm glad. -I'm glad. Given that, I'm obviously not going to be judging things in the most realistic way. -Given that, I'm obviously not going to be judging things in the most realistic way. I don't follow you. -I don't follow you. I'm saying that since I'm doing so much better -- which I attribute to you -- I'm liable to misinterpret some of my feelings. -I'm saying that since I'm doing so much better -- which I attribute to you -- I'm liable to misinterpret some of my feelings. Okay... -Okay... The point is this -- I am not a blank page. I did not just fall off the turnip truck. Do you know what I mean? -The point is this -- I am not a blank page. I did not just fall off the turnip truck. Do you know what I mean? I think so. -I think so. I know a little about psychology. I took three different courses in college. It's true, none of them were above the two hundred level, but I took them... And there was one concept I remember very well. -I know a little about psychology. I took three different courses in college. It's true, none of them were above the two hundred level, but I took them... And there was one concept I remember very well. What was that? -What was that? Transference! -Transference! Transference. -Transference. Yes, and that is what I have got right now. I have taken my feelings of gratitude... and relief... and transferred them onto... you. I have taken all those warm, grateful emotions and confused them with feelings for you... So that now I am under the delusion... ...that I am in love with you. -Hello? Hello. -Hello. I think you can understand why I have some serious questions about your methods. I mean, obviously it becomes much more likely that I'm going to have confusion about this when your idea of treatment is to go walking in the woods and up to make- outs-ville and do all these highly romantic activities -- -Mother... What do you think I'm after, Mrs. Cook? -I guess you saw the show...? Which show was that? -Which show was that? Sofie... -Sofie... "Part of it. We were watching ""ER"" until someone called." -"Part of it. We were watching ""ER"" until someone called." You probably got the idea. -...How violated I feel? You're not the only one... -You feel violated? Not me... all my other my patients. I smelled tar and feathers on the way over here. -Not me... all my other my patients. I smelled tar and feathers on the way over here. You deserve it. -I am irate! But... -But... But nothing... I'm mad as hell. This is a terrible thing you've done. -But nothing... I'm mad as hell. This is a terrible thing you've done. I know it! Please believe me, I know that... -But, there is one... mitigating factor I want you to consider before you write me off. What? -What? Will you think about it? -Will you think about it? I don't know. Depends. I'm in a bad mood. -I don't know. Depends. I'm in a bad mood. I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone or anything in my life. -Oh. I want to spend the rest of my life with you... but I'm not sure you feel the same way. -...but first, you have to tell me something... Anything... just ask. -Anything... just ask. What is your name? -You got off easy. Will you wait for me? -Will you wait for me? We're only talking about six weeks. -We're only talking about six weeks. Will you be here? -Will you be here? Of course... I haven't got the energy to get out of town that fast. -"...so he already had the tattoo that said, ""Naomi Forever""... and now they're broken up, see, and he has to have it removed. But while the scar is still healing, or whatever you call it when you have a tattoo removed, he meets Chandra. And it's serious, immediate love. So in no time, he's gone from the most gorgeous model in the world to the most gorgeous actress in North America." "What do you mean, ""in no time""?" -"What do you mean, ""in no time""?" In maybe three or four issues. -In maybe three or four issues. Weekly or monthly? -Weekly or monthly? Monthly! God, how shallow do you think Brad is? Why do I waste my time telling you this stuff? -Monthly! God, how shallow do you think Brad is? Why do I waste my time telling you this stuff? Why do you think you tell me, Nessa? -Why do you think you tell me, Nessa? Don't do that thing... ...that shrink thing. -Don't do that thing... ...that shrink thing. It's a big part of the show. -The school board doesn't pay you? What kind of deal is that? It's called pro bono. -It's called pro bono. Pro boner? Pro bono, huh? For whose good, supposedly? -Pro boner? Pro bono, huh? For whose good, supposedly? It's my bit for the community. -It's my bit for the community. "Fuck the community. There was this article my friends and I read. It was ""25 Signs He's Great in Bed"". It was very fascinating." -"Fuck the community. There was this article my friends and I read. It was ""25 Signs He's Great in Bed"". It was very fascinating." Where was this? -Where was this? "Where?... The New York Times. The first one was -- ""he handles produce well."" Which we already knew! The point is, you have a lot of the signs." -"Where?... The New York Times. The first one was -- ""he handles produce well."" Which we already knew! The point is, you have a lot of the signs." You been spying on me in the supermarket, Nessa? -You been spying on me in the supermarket, Nessa? Have women found you attractive? -I knew you wouldn't answer. I've been thinking about what you said last time. How me trying to lose weight -- and constantly not -- is like a lot of people with addictions. How maybe I can't lose the weight, ever... Which we already knew... That's not quite what I said -- -That's not quite what I said -- It's a really weird thing for a shrink to say... and then you said maybe people'd be happier if they'd accept that some things don't change -- that it'd be some kind of a relief or something... -Isn't she amazing? That is such a wicked look. What do you want me to see? -What do you want me to see? Just chill for a second. Look at this guy, it appears he's actually dead... but gorgeous. -What are you doing? We're not done. I just need to find the thing... If you don't want to have a session today, it's okay. -If you don't want to have a session today, it's okay. I want to have the session. I thought it would be cool if I could show you some of the things that interest me. But I guess you're not into it... which we already knew. -I want to have the session. I thought it would be cool if I could show you some of the things that interest me. But I guess you're not into it... which we already knew. What happened today? -What happened today? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Was it something that happened at school? -Was it something that happened at school? These appointments were not my idea, remember. -These appointments were not my idea, remember. True. Should we stop them? -I don't think you know what you're talking about. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. This shrink school you went to... did you hear about it on an infomercial? -There's this kid at school... Martin Brockett. He has some gigantic idea of himself that no one else shares. You wouldn't believe the crap he lays on me... Who appointed him my spiritual leader? If he has everything so figured out how come his best friend is a .22 rifle? And why's he spend all his time chasing after me? Probably thinks I'm gonna give him a hummer... Do you think that's what he wants? -Do you think that's what he wants? No. I don't know what he wants. But I know I don't like being watched. Nobody's ever paid any attention to what I did, and I liked it just fine. Where does he get off telling me I disrespect myself? Fuck him. Look in a mirror, bozo. -"...I mean, Doc, the dude is seriously deluded. I said that to him, I said, ""If you think I'm gonna do all that shit for you, man, you are seriously deluded.""" What'd he say? -What'd he say? "He said -- ""Which we already knew!""" -What did he want you to do? First off, he tells me to stop smoking cigarettes. I told him abso-fuckin'- lutely no. As you can see -- -...What balls on this guy? What're we... ...going steady? Jesus. No again? -No again? I said I'd consider it. Nobody owns me. And the last thing was insane. I don't know what's wrong with him... No magazines. -I said I'd consider it. Nobody owns me. And the last thing was insane. I don't know what's wrong with him... No magazines. Really? -Really? I don't know if I can quit. We're gonna try it together, like, you know, AA or something. And I made him give up his .22. No more sneaking around the hills with his fucking nut gun like some loony tune. -I don't know if I can quit. We're gonna try it together, like, you know, AA or something. And I made him give up his .22. No more sneaking around the hills with his fucking nut gun like some loony tune. He agreed? -He agreed? He's pitiful, Doc, a goddam puppy. I don't know how much longer I can put up with it. I already got two arms and legs, I don't need another appendage. -You're Doc Mumford. Skip Skipperton. How are you? -How are you? Fine. Okay. Pretty good. I've been hoping we'd meet. I've heard a lot about you. -"...""Find the need and fill it"" my dad used to say -- I guess a lot of dads say that -- but I did and it just took off." No kidding... Panda. Where'd that come from? -No kidding... Panda. Where'd that come from? Panda? I've always liked giant pandas... I've been to China and seen them in the wild. That's the kind of thing I can do if I want... now. I can do pretty much anything I want to do these days. -Would you like another beer? Nah... scotch. -Nah... scotch. Far out. Single malt? Can I pick it? -Can I ask you a personal question? Of course! That's exactly what I want. -Of course! That's exactly what I want. Have you thought about getting a wife? -I gotta pee. Can I ask you something? This town is called Mumford... Been that way since... 18... 18-0... 18-0... ...thirteen! Right? Now here's the question -- Your name is Mumford, too. Is that the question? -Is that the question? You moved here from back East and your name is the same as this town. Is that right? Far out. -I hope you don't think I want you to do this for free. Just because we're gonna play it like we're friends, doesn't mean I won't pay you like a doctor. I understand. -I understand. I have a lot of money. Do you know how much money I've got? -I have a lot of money. Do you know how much money I've got? Don't tell me, 'cause I'm not going to tell you what I've got. -Don't tell me, 'cause I'm not going to tell you what I've got. I've got three big ones. -I've got three big ones. I'm impressed. I couldn't make three million dollars if I lived three lifetimes. -I'm impressed. I couldn't make three million dollars if I lived three lifetimes. No, no... I have three billion dollars. -This is great! This is exactly what I wanted. -This is exactly what I wanted. Skip, you must have lots of people you can throw a ball with. -Skip, you must have lots of people you can throw a ball with. You'd be surprised. Most guys have kids or wives or girlfriends. They're busy. It's not as easy as you think. -You'd be surprised. Most guys have kids or wives or girlfriends. They're busy. It's not as easy as you think. Skip, you're the head of the whole deal here. Are they busier than you? -Skip, you're the head of the whole deal here. Are they busier than you? Well, you know... that's the thing. Like I said, just about everybody in town works for me. And it's just not the same asking someone to throw a ball when they work for you. It's like an order or something... And no one -- no one -- asks me. -So, would you say we're out here... let me think how to put this... Is your problem really that you're... lonely? Don't you like this? -Don't you like this? Hell yes, I like it. What's better than this? Most guys would kill just to have someone do this with them whenever they like. -Hell yes, I like it. What's better than this? Most guys would kill just to have someone do this with them whenever they like. Okay then. Have you got a lot of friends? -Okay then. Have you got a lot of friends? Lily and I talk a bit. You know Lily, runs the coffee shop? -Lily and I talk a bit. You know Lily, runs the coffee shop? No... I've seen her. Good-looking woman. -No... I've seen her. Good-looking woman. She's probably ten years older than you. -She's probably ten years older than you. Good-looking woman. -Good-looking woman. Lives downstairs from me. She's got a great dog named for Danny Ainge. -Lives downstairs from me. She's got a great dog named for Danny Ainge. Really? I'm the only person I know that likes Danny Ainge, outside of Celtic fans. Maybe Phoenix. -Really? I'm the only person I know that likes Danny Ainge, outside of Celtic fans. Maybe Phoenix. Well, there's Lily. -Well, there's Lily. Did you know that Danny Ainge was drafted by the Blue Jays? Do you know what kind of athlete you have to be to play in the NBA and in the bigs? -Did you know that Danny Ainge was drafted by the Blue Jays? Do you know what kind of athlete you have to be to play in the NBA and in the bigs? Amazing. -Amazing. Unbelievable... ...And Lily named her dog after him? Far out. -Unbelievable... ...And Lily named her dog after him? Far out. What kind of person do you have to be to do this? -What? This -- -So I guess Henry Follett is a patient of yours. He's my pharmacist. Yeah. Guy's got some serious sex fantasies. -Pretty good, too. Lots of detail. Nothing hard core. Old-fashioned ones, from back when people cared about atmosphere and character. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Problem is, his fantasy life's a lot better than his real one. Nothing can live up to it. His wife got sick of it and left him. Took his kids with her. -Problem is, his fantasy life's a lot better than his real one. Nothing can live up to it. His wife got sick of it and left him. Took his kids with her. I wondered what happened to her... -Hey, Skip. Doc. I know we're not supposed to get together till Wednesday... -Doc. I know we're not supposed to get together till Wednesday... That's all right. What's on your mind? -How many sessions have we had now, Doc? Six. And it's been good... like we were two buddies hanging out. Just shootin' the shit. Yep. -I want to tell you something, Doc, but before I do, I need to ask you a question... Because, for me to tell you this thing -- well, I haven't told anybody about this. It's the biggest secret I've got. Sometimes it's best to keep a few things just for ourselves. -Sometimes it's best to keep a few things just for ourselves. You're a shrink, Doc. Aren't I supposed to be able to tell you everything? -You're a shrink, Doc. Aren't I supposed to be able to tell you everything? It's just a thought. -Hey, maybe that's all right! I don't know all that much about psychology or therapy or... ethics, so maybe there's something I missed... or something... You're concerned that maybe I can't be trusted with a secret. -You're concerned that maybe I can't be trusted with a secret. I trust you. Definitely. No question. But, yeah, I'm a little concerned. I mean, you're not supposed to tell anyone about your patients' problems... are you? -Yeah, well... what I was gonna tell you -- -- Skip. Knowing what you do about me -- --- Skip. Knowing what you do about me -- Doc, I trust you! You've listened to me better than anybody... maybe ever. And this secret I've got, I can't stand it anymore. I don't know if I'm some kind of -- -All right, I'm just gonna tell you, as simple and direct as I can. And you understand that this is a big secret? Just between us? Okay. You know I've got this gift for certain kinds of... machines. You are Panda, monarch of modems. -You are Panda, monarch of modems. That's right. And you also know that even though I make 23% of the modems in the world... I cannot make one simple connection with any woman who could truly love me. -That's right. And you also know that even though I make 23% of the modems in the world... I cannot make one simple connection with any woman who could truly love me. Okay... let's say that, for now. -Okay... let's say that, for now. It's true, believe me. So... do you know what I've been doing, all alone, in my workshop, for almost two years?... Mr. Find-the-Need-and-Fill- It. How I spend my every solitary hour? -Guess. Go ahead, guess! Jerking off? -Jerking off? No!... Although that's a good guess. No, what I've been working on, what the world really needs and no one has been able to create -- -- a virtually life-like, humanoid, gender-specific, anatomically functional... sexual surrogate slash companion. -Slash what? Sexual surrogate... slash... companion. -Sexual surrogate... slash... companion. A doll? -A doll? No, Doc, not a doll. I am Panda. I'm talking about much, much more than a doll. The world has never seen what I'm talking about... except maybe in the movies. -How's it coming? You don't think I'm insane? -You don't think I'm insane? And that's your secret? You meant -- like a trade secret? -And that's your secret? You meant -- like a trade secret? No, Doc, a private secret! It's perverted, it's pitiful. What am I -- Dr. Frankenstein? Aren't you repulsed? -No, Doc, a private secret! It's perverted, it's pitiful. What am I -- Dr. Frankenstein? Aren't you repulsed? Sounds like kind of a good idea. -Sounds like kind of a good idea. Really? -Really? Definitely. -Skip, that's not much of a secret. It's not? -It's not? Oh, it's okay. It's just not something to be ashamed of. Maybe you don't want people knowing -- and believe me, it's safe with me -- but on the scale of dirty little secrets, I'd give it, say... a two. -Who else knows? Just you. -Just you. It's time you did some talkin', Dr. Mum -- Wait a minute. That is your name, isn't it? -Damn! What is your name? Doesn't matter. You can call me Doc. -Doesn't matter. You can call me Doc. It matters to me. -I've told you a lot of private stuff. I can tell you anything else. -I can tell you anything else. What about everything? How did this happen? -But there was one job that looked like it might be fun -- Investigator. Are you telling me your last job before becoming a psychologist was -- --- an investigator for the Internal Revenue Service? Everybody has a story, Skip. -Everybody has a story, Skip. Sounds like you have several. -Sounds like you have several. What it felt like was... a series of separate, unconnected lives -- hillbilly kid, wrecked college boy, garbage man, civil service guy... ...et cetera... et cetera. Every time I'd leave a life, it felt good. Whatever problems I was having were suddenly gone. I had no friends and I didn't talk to my family. The only constant, stabilizing force in my life was... drugs. -What it felt like was... a series of separate, unconnected lives -- hillbilly kid, wrecked college boy, garbage man, civil service guy... ...et cetera... et cetera. Every time I'd leave a life, it felt good. Whatever problems I was having were suddenly gone. I had no friends and I didn't talk to my family. The only constant, stabilizing force in my life was... drugs. An IRS investigator with a drug problem? -An IRS investigator with a drug problem? It wasn't the best situation. -It wasn't the best situation. Did you carry a gun? -Did you carry a gun? Didn't need one. We didn't even need a warrant for most of the shit we did. Man, the IRS... we could go in your bank account, your credit cards... hell, we used to go into doctors' files and get all the juicy details. Nobody wants to argue with the IRS. -Of course, him being insane didn't make it all right that I fell in love with his wife. Holy shit! -"""Get to know your therapist.""" You were messed up, man. -You were messed up, man. But look at me now... -But look at me now... Hey, you've done good. Look at yourself... you've cleaned up, you've got a career -- -At least you pulled yourself out... Things got a lot worse. -Things got a lot worse. You and Candy...? -And the drugs? Harder than I thought. Took me three tries. But I was highly motivated -- figured there was no point in leaving me and taking that along. After two bomb-outs, I found a place in the desert... -Somebody's taking a shower down there. That'd be Lily. -That'd be Lily. I wish I could live in the shower. I'd take five a day if I had the time. I went to this spa in Germany, a sanitarium practically, up on this mountain. And the great thing -- they just kept you wet all day. -I wish I could live in the shower. I'd take five a day if I had the time. I went to this spa in Germany, a sanitarium practically, up on this mountain. And the great thing -- they just kept you wet all day. Who'd you go with? That's not good. -Who'd you go with? That's not good. How'd you do it? The new you. -How'd you do it? The new you. You know how easy it is. A kid can manage it if he wants a fake I.D. You can do practically the whole deal at your local Kinko's. The only variable is how much pride you take in the product. -You know how easy it is. A kid can manage it if he wants a fake I.D. You can do practically the whole deal at your local Kinko's. The only variable is how much pride you take in the product. I know it starts with a birth certificate... -I know it starts with a birth certificate... All new people start with that... -What about it? """Mumford""... I mean, why pick the name of the town you were going to?" -"""Mumford""... I mean, why pick the name of the town you were going to?" Oh. You got it backwards. I already had the name when I started looking for somewhere to settle. When I saw this town on a map, I thought maybe it was a sign. See... -And a birth certificate is enough? Everything flows from that, and what doesn't... can be easily purchased. -But you studied psychology, right? You did the training and just never got the degree? No... no training. -No... no training. Psych major? -Psych major? English Lit. -English Lit. Jeez, man. But you're good at it! -Jeez, man. But you're good at it! I understand what it's like to want to leave a problem behind. That's all most people are looking to do. Mainly, I listen. -Where ya going? I've got a million questions. See you Thursday... regular time. -I've never brought anyone down here before. I'm honored. -I'm honored. Doc, there's something about what you told me the other night I can't get out of my head. It's driving me batty -- Why me? How did you know you could trust me? -Doc, there's something about what you told me the other night I can't get out of my head. It's driving me batty -- Why me? How did you know you could trust me? You're completely reliable. -Skip, I've got a problem and I need some advice. You want my advice? Far out! -Pretty creepy, huh? Are you totally disgusted? Skip, you're a visionary. That can be a burden. -Skip, you're a visionary. That can be a burden. This doesn't seem a little... perverse? -This doesn't seem a little... perverse? There are a lot of lonely people in the world. Somebody's gonna figure this out someday. -There are a lot of lonely people in the world. Somebody's gonna figure this out someday. It's not going to be me. I'm giving it up. -It's not going to be me. I'm giving it up. Really? -Really? It's all your fault. In the last 48 hours, I've completely lost interest. -It's all your fault. In the last 48 hours, I've completely lost interest. What'd I do? -Lily. Lily... ...Skip, that's great! You and Lily. -Lily... ...Skip, that's great! You and Lily. Oh, she doesn't know about it yet. Right now, of the two of us, I'm the only one in love. But I'm very stoked. -Sorry... Wow. -I'm here for you, Doc. Skip, you know that it's improper -- completely unethical -- for a licensed psychologist to carry on a romantic relationship with one of his patients? -Skip, you know that it's improper -- completely unethical -- for a licensed psychologist to carry on a romantic relationship with one of his patients? I guess that makes sense. -I guess that makes sense. Yes, yes it does... -Doc!... It's not me, is it? What? -Hmm. I guess that doesn't help... I see where you're going here. It's a mess. Yep. -Forgive me, please. What a gracious thought. We must do that. When? -When? Why don't I call you when I've got my calendar in front of me? -It's possible. I don't know about that. I suppose your extended training was at an institution in that area? -I suppose your extended training was at an institution in that area? Lots of institutions. My graduate advisor believed we should experience as many environments as possible -- prisons, clinics, half-way houses. For a while I was chief therapist in a shopping mall. Had a little spot next to the yogurt place. -I trained in the east, myself -- Cornell -- and I don't care what anyone says, there really are regional differences. I found the state certification exams out here quite harrowing... Did you? Oh, yeah, very tough. But I guess that's good... to keep out the quacks. -Oh, yeah, very tough. But I guess that's good... to keep out the quacks. Which examiner did you have? I probably know him. -Which examiner did you have? I probably know him. Wallace Franklin... from Greensburg. -That was a terrible thing. I don't even know why hang-gliding is considered a legitimate sport. -Yes... your particular approach. I don't have one really. Most of the time I'm faking it. See, I think there's not much that can be done about most problems... they're too complicated, too deep-rooted by the time I hear about them. The most I can do, usually, is look and listen real closely, try to catch some glimpse of the secret life everybody's got. If I can get a sense of that, well then, maybe... just maybe, I can help them out a little. -I told you to leave or die, you refused, and now you may have killed us all. For you have unleashed the creature that we have feared for more than four thousand years. Relax, I got him. -Relax, I got him. No mortal weapons can kill this creature. He is not of this world. -No mortal weapons can kill this creature. He is not of this world. Are we talkin, about the same creature? The walking corpse? Really big mouth? Really bad breath? -You know where he's taking her? Yes. To Hamunaptra. To perform the ritual. -Who the hell are these guys? Priests. Imhotep's priests. -I never killed a priest before. They are evil, cursed, they matter not. -They are evil, cursed, they matter not. Well, okay then. -We saved him! Saved him before the creature could finish his work. Now leave, all of you, quickly, before he finishes you all. You're not going to kill us? -And what ritual would that be? The ritual to bring the body of Anck- su-namun back to life. -The ritual to bring the body of Anck- su-namun back to life. And how does one do that? -And how does one do that? By reading the Book Of The Dead. -By reading the Book Of The Dead. Oh yes, of course. -Oh yes, of course. And then killing your sister. -And then killing your sister. Excuse me? -If he arrives before us, it will be too late. Did you say 'kill' my sister? -Personally, I would like to surrender. Why can we not just surrender? Shut-up and gimme your bandolier. -Now go find me a big stick. In the desert? What for? -How'd a guy like you end up in the Legion anyways? I got caught robbing a synagogue. Lots of good stuff in them holy places; churches, temples, mosques, and who's guarding them? -I got caught robbing a synagogue. Lots of good stuff in them holy places; churches, temples, mosques, and who's guarding them? Altar boys? -Altar boys? Exactly! I speak seven languages, including Hebrew, so my specialty was synagogues. How about you? Kill somebody? -What then? Robbery? Extortion? Kidnapping! None of the above, thank you. -None of the above, thank you. Then what the hell are you doing here!? -My very good friend! What a surprise. Why if it ain't my little buddy, Beni. I oughta kill you. -You never were any good with the ladies, O'Connell. So you're the one leading the Americans, I shoulda figured. So what's the scam? You get 'em out in the middle of the desert then leave 'em to rot? -So you're the one leading the Americans, I shoulda figured. So what's the scam? You get 'em out in the middle of the desert then leave 'em to rot? Unfortunately no, these Americans are smart, they pay me only half now, half when I get them back to Cairo, so I must go all the way. -The girl saved my life, figured it was the least I could do, keep her out of trouble. You always did have more balls than brains. -Let's make us even, shall we? Even? -O'Connell! I am going to kill you for this! Sounds familiar. -Hey O'Connell! Looks to me like I got all the horses! Hey Beni! Looks to me like your on the wrong side of the river! -Ten to one, O'Connell, your odds are no-so-good. I've had worse. -Goin' somewhere? Just looking for you, O'Connell! I wanted to be with my friend! -C'mon, friend. Why do you like to fight so much? -Why do you like to fight so much? 'Cause I look good doin, it. -Beni ya little stinkweed, where did you slink off to? You left me! You left me in the desert to rot. -You left me! You left me in the desert to rot. Oh yeah,... sorry bout that. So who's this guy? -Oh yeah,... sorry bout that. So who's this guy? This is Prince Imhotep, High Priest of Osiris. -This is Prince Imhotep, High Priest of Osiris. Oh, hey, how ya doin'? -The Prince does not like to be touched by other humans. A Silly eastern superstition, I'm afraid. Yeah, well, we all got our little problems today don't we? -Yeah, well, we all got our little problems today don't we? He has come to help Mister Burns. Somehow I feel responsible. -He has come to help Mister Burns. Somehow I feel responsible. Don't gimme that, you never had any scruples. -Don't gimme that, you never had any scruples. Do you know where I can steal some? -Where's your new friend? What friend? You're my only friend. -Then you got no excuse for living. What the hell you doin, being buddies with this creep, Beni? What's in it for you? It is better to be the right hand of the Devil,... than in his path. As long as I serve him, I am immune. -It is better to be the right hand of the Devil,... than in his path. As long as I serve him, I am immune. Immune from what? -Immune from what? You shall see. -You shall see. What are you looking for? Lie, and I'll slit your throat. -The book! The black book they found at Hamunaptra! Imhotep wants it back. Said to me it would be worth it's weight in diamonds. What does he want the book for? -What does he want the book for? Something about bringing his dead girly-friend back to life. He needs the book... And your sister. -Like what that Moses guy did to that Pharaoh guy? That's one way of putting it. -What just happened? All I remember is him turning into a blast of sand,... and then I remember nothing. -Yeah? Oh yes, always. -...and how do you say? Those slimy things, in your stomach? Intestines. -Intestines. Yeah! Them. -I'm sorry, it was an accident. When Ramesses destroyed Syria, it was an accident. You are a catastrophe! Why do I put up with you? -You put up with me, because I can read and write ancient Egyptian, decipher hieroglyphs and hieratic, and I'm the only person within a thousand miles who knows how to properly code and catalogue this library. Who needs smart women? I put up with you because your mother and father were our finest patrons, Allah rest their souls. Now straighten up this mess! -See the cartouche there, it's the official royal seal of Seti the First, I'm sure of it. Perhaps. -Miss Carnavon. Gentlemen. What is he doing here? -What is he doing here? Do you truly wish to know? Or would you prefer to just shoot us? -And you think this justifies killing innocent people!? To have stopped this creature? Yes! -In the necropolis, when I saw him, - alive,... walking, he called me Anck- su-namun. And then in Mister Burns' quarters he tried to kiss me. It is because it was you who read from the Book. He has chosen you to be the human sacrifice needed to regenerate the body of Anck-su-namun. -I'm thinking that if the black Book Of The Dead can bring people back to life -- -- then perhaps, the golden Book Of The Living can return them to the underworld. --- then perhaps, the golden Book Of The Living can return them to the underworld. Exactly -- -She is like all the others. She will die in the desert. No! She has seen too much. She knows too much. -The key!? She has the lost key!? Yes. No one has ever had so much, been so close. We must stop her, or it will be the end of us all. -Yes. No one has ever had so much, been so close. We must stop her, or it will be the end of us all. Then we will kill her, we will kill her and all those with her. -Then we will kill her, we will kill her and all those with her. And burn the map and retrieve the key. -And burn the map and retrieve the key. It will be done. But what of the American expedition? They leave tomorrow as well. -It will be done. But what of the American expedition? They leave tomorrow as well. Forget the bumbling Americans, they will be like all the others. Without the map to guide them, how can they possibly find Hamunaptra? -I'm willin, to go on a little faith, here. You will not believe it. -You will not believe it. Try me. -Okay, let's cut to the chase. He's afraid of cats, what's that about? According to the ancients, cat's are the guardians at the gates of the underworld. Imhotep will fear them until he is fully regenerated, and then he will fear nothing. -So your sayin', if we find the book made outta gold -- -- And read the sacred incantations contained inside it. --- And read the sacred incantations contained inside it. You think it'll send this guy back to hell? -You think it'll send this guy back to hell? Correct, And that's when -- -Which would be located not far to the east of the Anubis statue. Don't tell me we gotta go back out there? -Don't tell me we gotta go back out there? If we want to kill the creature, yes. -See! That proves it! Old Seti's fortune's gotta be under this sand! For them to protect it like this, you just know there's got to be treasure down there. -I wouldn't trade ya for a brass spittoon! Yeah! It's supposed to be made outta pure gold! -The sun turning black. Water turning to blood. -You bastards! What did you do to him!? -The hell with that! I'm not goin' nowhere! We're safe here. Yeah, I'm not leavin, this fort for nothin'. -The hell with this. I'm goin, downstairs to get me a drink. You want somethin'? Yeah, get me a glass of bourbon, a shot of bourbon and a bourbon chaser. -And what is he in prison for? I did not know, so when I heard you were coming, I asked him that myself. -I did not know, so when I heard you were coming, I asked him that myself. And what did he say? -And what did he say? He said... he was just looking for a good time. -Where are they taking him? To be hanged. -No women allowed. I am an English woman. -I will give you one hundred pounds to spare his life. I would pay one hundred pounds just to see him hang. -I would pay one hundred pounds just to see him hang. Two hundred pounds. -Two hundred pounds. Proceed! -Proceed! Three hundred pounds! -You lie. I would never! -Are you saying this filthy godless son of a pig knows where to find The City Of The Dead? Truly? Yes and if you cut him down, we will give you ten percent. -Yes and if you cut him down, we will give you ten percent. Fifty percent. -Fifty percent. Twenty. -Twenty. Forty. -A bright good morning to all. What are you doing here? -What are you doing here? I have come to protect my investment, thank you very much. -Do you realize, we are standing inside a room that no one has entered in over four thousand years. Who cares? I don't see no treasure. -So who's the broad? Broad?! -We uh,... found... your puzzle box, and we've come to ask you about it. No. -No. No? -No? No... You came to ask me about Hamunaptra. -How do you know the box pertains to Hamunaptra? Because that's where I found it. I was there. -You were actually at Hamunaptra? I just decked your brother -I just decked your brother Yes, well... I know my brother. -Yeah, I was there. You swear? -You swear? Every damn day. -Every damn day. No, I mean -- -No, I mean -- -- I know what you mean. I was there, alright. Seti's place. The City Of The Dead. --- I know what you mean. I was there, alright. Seti's place. The City Of The Dead. What did you find? What did you see? -What did you find? What did you see? I found sand. I saw death. -Could you tell me how to get there? The exact location? Want to know? -Yes. Really want to know? -Give... give him... give him GLAAAA-- ! Twenty-five percent, and not one single farthing more. -Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya. The only thing that scares me, Mister O'Connell, are your manners. -The only thing that scares me, Mister O'Connell, are your manners. Still angry that I kissed ya, huh? -Still angry that I kissed ya, huh? If you call that a kiss. -Did I miss something? Are we going into battle? The last time I was at that place everybody I was with died. -There's something out there, you know, something under that sand. Yes, I'm hoping to find a certain artifact, a book, actually, my brother thinks there's treasure. What do you think is out there? -"Evil. The Tuaregs and the Bedouin believe that Hamunaptra is cursed, they call it, ""the doorway to hell.""" "Ahmar is Ossirion. ""Passageway to the underworld"", actually." -I don't believe in fairy tales and hokum, Mister O'Connell, but I do believe that one of the most famous books in history is buried out there, The Book Of The Living. It's what first interested me in Egypt as a child. It's why I came here, sort of a life's pursuit. And the fact that they say it's made out of pure gold, makes no nevermind to you, right? -You know your history. I know my treasure. -Relax! I'm the map! It's all up here. Oh that's comforting. -Can you swim? Well of course I can swim, if the occasion calls for it. -Well of course I can swim, if the occasion calls for it. Trust me. -We're almost there. Are you sure? -For what? We're about to be shown the way. -"That ""thing"" gets me excited." The things that get you excited. -The things that get you excited. According to Bembridge Scholars, inside the statue of Anubis was a secret compartment, perhaps containing The Book Of The Living. -According to Bembridge Scholars, inside the statue of Anubis was a secret compartment, perhaps containing The Book Of The Living. What are those mirrors for? -What are those mirrors for? Ancient Egyptian trick. You'll see. -Oh my god, It's a preparation room. Preparation for what? -Preparation for what? For entering the afterlife. -Yeah, that'd bring you back to life. You two are worse than a couple of schoolboys. -Oh my god,... it looks like, it looks like a sarcophagus. Why would they bury somebody in the ceiling? -Why would they bury somebody in the ceiling? They didn't, they buried him at the foot of Anubis. He was either someone of great importance. Or he did something very naughty. -There's some sort of lock here. You say these thing's are made of granite with a steel interior? Quarried granite with a cobalt lining. -A key! That's it! That's what he was talking about. Who was talking about what? -Seems the Americans had a little misadventure of their own today, three of their diggers were killed. How? -How? Salt acid. Pressurized salt acid. Some sort of ancient booby-trap. -You two! You don't believe in curses, huh? -You don't believe in curses, huh? No. I believe if I can see it and I can touch it, then it's real. That's what I believe. -Unlike your brother, Miss, you I don't get. You're a whole new brew. I know, you're wondering, what's a place like me doing in a girl like this? -I know, you're wondering, what's a place like me doing in a girl like this? Something like that. -Something like that. Egypt is in my blood. My father was a famous explorer, he loved Egypt so much that he married an Egyptian. My mother! Who was quite an adventurer herself -Egypt is in my blood. My father was a famous explorer, he loved Egypt so much that he married an Egyptian. My mother! Who was quite an adventurer herself Okay, I get your father, I get your mother and I get your brother, but what are you doing here? -I may not be an explorer, or an adventurer, or a treasure hunter, or a gunfighter! Mister O'Connell But I'm proud of what I am. And what is that? -I'm going to kiss you, Mister O'Connell. No you're not. -No you're not. I'm not? -I'm not? Not unless you call me Rick. -Not unless you call me Rick. Why would I do that? -Why would I do that? Because that's my name. -No... Why?... Should I? Gee, yeah, you told me it was the best time you ever had. -Oh my god, I've dreamed about this ever since I was a little girl. You dream about dead guys? -Is he supposed to look like that? No. I've never seen a mummy look like this. He's, he's still... -Are you saying somebody threw these things in with our guy, and they slowly ate him alive? Very slowly. -According to my readings, our friend suffered the HOM-DAI, the worst of all ancient Egyptian curses, one reserved for only the most evil blasphemers. In all of my research, I've never read of this curse actually having been performed. That bad huh? -That bad huh? Yes, they never used it because they feared it so. It's written, that if a victim of the HOM-DAI should ever arise, he would bring with him the ten plagues of Egypt. -Yes, they never used it because they feared it so. It's written, that if a victim of the HOM-DAI should ever arise, he would bring with him the ten plagues of Egypt. The ten plagues?... You mean all ten plagues. -You sure you outta be playin, around with that? It's just a book, no harm ever came from a book. -Having an encounter with a four thousand year old walking-talking corpse tends to convert one. Forget it, we're out the door down the hall and gone. -Forget it, we're out the door down the hall and gone. No, we are not. -No we are not. We woke him up, and we must try and stop him. We?! What we?! You didn't read that book. I told you not to play around with that thing. -We?! What we?! You didn't read that book. I told you not to play around with that thing. Alright then, Me, I,... I read the book, I woke him up and I intend to stop him. -Then we'll have to find some immortal ones. There goes that belief again. Not me, I am outta here! -According to that Book, once this creature has been reborn, his curse will spread, and as he grows in strength, so will his curse grow, infecting the people until the whole of the earth is destroyed. Yeah? So? Is that my problem? -Yeah? So? Is that my problem? It's everybody's problem! -It's everybody's problem! Look lady, I appreciate you saving my life and all, but when I signed on, I agreed to take you out there and bring you back, and I did, now were even, end of job, end of story, contract terminated. -Look lady, I appreciate you saving my life and all, but when I signed on, I agreed to take you out there and bring you back, and I did, now were even, end of job, end of story, contract terminated. That's what I am to you? A contract? -That's what I am to you? A contract? You can either tag along with me, or you can stay here and play around with Mister Maggot. -You can either tag along with me, or you can stay here and play around with Mister Maggot. I'm staying. -I'm staying. FINE. -He's here! I saw him! That thing is here! The creature!? Are you sure!? -You called me your girl? What?... Oh yeah, that was just um, you know, figure a speech. -What?... Oh yeah, that was just um, you know, figure a speech. I think you were jealous -I think you were jealous Jealous? You kiddin' me? Did you see that guy's face? -Got it! Got what? -Don't do it, Evelyn. I have no choice. -Got guts, lady. Yes, I know, and I'd like to keep them. -You...! YOU...! Drunkard? Fool? Rat-bastard? Please call me something original. -Have you no respect for the dead? Right now, I only wish to join them. -Well I wish you'd do it sooner rather than later, before you ruin my career the way you've ruined yours. My dear, sweet, baby sister, I'll have you know, that at this moment my career is on a high note. -Oh yes I do! I have something right here! Oh no, not another worthless trinket, Jonathan, if I bring one more piece of junk to the Curator to try and sell for you. -Jonathan? Yes? -Yes? I think you found something. -Two questions. Who the hell is Seti the First? And was he rich? He was the last Pharaoh of the Old Kingdom, said to be the wealthiest Pharaoh of them all. -He was the last Pharaoh of the Old Kingdom, said to be the wealthiest Pharaoh of them all. Alright, good, that's good. I like this fellow, like him very much. -Yes. The City of The Dead. Where the early Pharaohs were said to have hidden the wealth of Egypt. Right, right, in a big underground treasure chamber. Everybody knows the story. The entire necropolis was rigged to sink into the sand. On Pharaoh's command, a flick of the switch! And the whole place could disappear beneath the dunes. -Right, right, in a big underground treasure chamber. Everybody knows the story. The entire necropolis was rigged to sink into the sand. On Pharaoh's command, a flick of the switch! And the whole place could disappear beneath the dunes. All we know is that the city mysteriously vanished around 2,134 B.C. -You told me you found it on a dig down in Thebes! I was mistaken. -I was mistaken. You lied to me! -You lied to me! I lie to everybody, what makes you so special? -I lie to everybody, what makes you so special? I'm your sister. -I'm your sister. That just makes you more gullible. -That just makes you more gullible. You stole it from a drunk at the local Casbah?! -You stole it from a drunk at the local Casbah?! Picked his pocket, actually. -But he's just a filthy criminal? Way to go, Evy. -Do you really think he'll show up? Undoubtedly, I know the breed, he may be a cowboy, but his word is his word. -Undoubtedly, I know the breed, he may be a cowboy, but his word is his word. Personally, I think he's filthy, rude and a complete scoundrel. I don't like him one bit. -Ah, begging your pardon, but shouldn't we be going? After all, you rode us night and day to win that bet. -According to my calculations, we should be right under the statue. We'll come up right between his legs. Oh my. And when those dirty Yanks go to sleep -- No offense. -It's called mummification. You're dead when they do this Still... -What do you suppose killed him? Did you ever see him eat? -I can't believe I allowed the two of you to get me drunk. Don't blame me, I don't even remember being there. -Don't blame me, I don't even remember being there. Well neither do I, thank you. -Juicy? Yes. He's more than four thousand years old and still decomposing. -I found it, Evy! I found it Shut-up and get me off of here! -What do I do, Evy!? What do I do!? Read the inscription on the cover! -Finish the inscription, idiot! Oh. -Ummm, Hootash im... Hootash im now what is this last symbol here? What's it look like!? -Ah! Ah! Ahmenophus! Yes,... I see. -She's my sister, actually. Yeah? Well,... I'm sure she's not a total loss. -Hey,... don't I know you? Um, well, you see... -Sit down, O'Connell, sit down, we could use another good player. I only gamble with my life, never my money. -I can't believe the price of these fleabags. We coulda had 'em for free, all we had to do was give 'em your sister. -We coulda had 'em for free, all we had to do was give 'em your sister. Yes, awfully tempting, wasn't it? -Yes, awfully tempting, wasn't it? Awfully. -That thing gives me the creeps. Be nice. That thing saved my life. -You're welcome to my share of the spider webs. And it stinks to high heaven in here. -None taken. We'll sneak up and steal that book right out from under them. -We'll sneak up and steal that book right out from under them. And you're sure you can find the secret compartment? -Lemme get this straight, they stuck a sharp, red hot poker up your nose, cut your brain into small pieces, then ripped it all out through your nostrils? OWCH! That's really got to hurt. -Whoever's in here, sure wasn't getting out. No kiddin', without a key, it'll take us a month to crack this thing, -Tough break. Yes, I'm all tears, now let's see who's inside, shall we? -Where's my gun? What are you going to do? Shoot him? -What are you going to do? Shoot him? If he decides to wake up, hell yes! -You did not!?... We're not!? Rat gizzards. They smell bad and taste worse, but that's the best the desert has to offer. -He certainly was not a popular fellow when they planted him. Must of got a little too frisky with the Pharaoh's daughter. -Did you see that!? Grasshoppers! Billions of grasshoppers! That's one of the plagues, right? The grasshopper plague! -Who's here!? The guy! The Priest! THE MUMMY! -That looked rather painful. Ya know, ever since I met you, my luck has been for crap. -Ya know, ever since I met you, my luck has been for crap. Yes, I know, I do that to people. -Damn-it! That's two down and only two to go. And then he'll be coming after Evy. -Believe it, sister. That's what brought our buddy back to life. And now he's going to use it to bring his girlfriend back -What? What? -We gotta get her back. I'm with you, old man. No one touches my sister like that and gets away with it. -Okay, now what the hell does this Horus guy look like? He's a big fellow with pointy ears and a face like a falcon. -He's a big fellow with pointy ears and a face like a falcon. Got it. -Do something, Jonathan! Kill it! You have got to be joking? -I knew you'd come. I left that skylight open for you. I know you did. -I know you did. I knew you'd know. -I knew you'd know. I know you knew I'd know. -I know you knew I'd know. But did you know I knew you'd know I'd know? -But did you know I knew you'd know I'd know? Of course. -The jig is up, Casanova. I've spent six months watching you, and know exactly what you're up to. Really? -Really? I know that you're recruiting your old henchmen... -And I know the terrible revenge that you plan to inflict on this city. I guess you know just about everything, don't you, Lance? -I guess you know just about everything, don't you, Lance? Um-hmm. -Um-hmm. Except for one little thing. -Except for one little thing. And what's that? -And what's that? That I've hot wired the city's entire power supply through that catwalk. -That I've hot wired the city's entire power supply through that catwalk. What --? -Everything's going exactly as we planned. Not quite. You haven't announced our engagement yet. -Not quite. You haven't announced our engagement yet. It must have slipped my mind. -It must have slipped my mind. Your mind is so slippery. -Your mind is so slippery. Don't worry, Pootchkie. My womanizing days are over. You're my Lady Macbeth, my Imelda... my Nicole. We're such an incredible team. Who could possibly stop us? -Where are you going? Head hunting. -What are you doing all alone in the dark? Fantasizing... about you. -I thought you were done? One last tweak. -Our guests are waiting. I'll be down in a jiffy. -You two timing psychotic bastard. Darling, you've got the wrong idea. -Darling, you've got the wrong idea. Do I? -Do I? I was only strangling her... I've killed hundreds of women. It doesn't mean a thing. Pootchkie, you're over-reacting. This is our night. It's what we've lied for... cheated for... murdered for. She's just a plaything, a trifle... You're the only woman who's ever meant anything to me. I adore you. I worship you. I want to make you my bride. -The Bowler? I remember him from when I was a kid. He was killed years ago. I'm his daughter. -Look, honey, being a superhero... it's a guy thing. Really? -And then one day, he didn't come home. The police said it was an accident. But cargo containers don't just fall on people. He was murdered... After that I fell apart. I dropped out of school, became a mud wrestler, married and divorced a jerk. When my mother died I hit bottom... but then, when I was cleaning out her attic, I found my father's old bowling bag and costume, almost like he'd left them there for me... and I knew what I had to do. So who killed him? -So who killed him? The Disco Boys. -We didn't think this through very well. My father had this friend... He was an inventor... -He was the last time I saw him. When was that? -When was that? I was eight. -Much less go outside. Then Captain Amazing appeared. -We could really use some coffee -- And some sandwiches -- -Come on, baby! Do it, big boy! -Atta, girl! Atta, boy! -Hey, do I look like a Man? Well we can't call ourselves the Mystery People. -Who are you? I'm the Bowler. -And you can't count Horst Buckholtz anyway. He was cute though. -He was cute though. But they all had one thing we haven't got. -How about... the Savage Six? The Inscrutable Six? -But she's your mother. You gotta tell her. I can't. -I'm her only son, and she always had such high hopes for me. Medicine. Law. But you're a superhero. -But you're a superhero. The cape. The turban. She wouldn't understand. -The cape. The turban. She wouldn't understand. I know... My girlfriends all dumped me after I put on the mask. They thought I'd lost it. -I know... My girlfriends all dumped me after I put on the mask. They thought I'd lost it. But in fact... you'd found it. -It's late. I'm headin' home. Me, too. -Me, too. Come on, Junior, it's a school night. -No one will believe us. They'll think we're just a bunch of weirdoes. -Sounds good to me. Let's do it. -But that place is huge and we don't know where this psycho thing is -- Or even what it looks like. -Hey... Can I buy you a beer? I thought you'd never ask. -That's two more than the Fantastic Four. Half a Dirty Dozen! -Casanova said that in two days the entire city would belong to him... and there wasn't a thing that we could do about it. What did he mean? -What did he mean? I dunno. -Mon Captain, it's for you. Hello? -Hey... you okay? Sure. -Eat your mustard. It doesn't matter what we call ourselves. We know who we are. -Yes! Doctor Heller? -Doctor Heller? Yes! -Yes! It's me... Elizabeth. -It's me... Elizabeth. Elizabeth! Little Elizabeth! Why you're so... middle aged! -Elizabeth! Little Elizabeth! Why you're so... middle aged! Thanks. -Thanks. How's your dad? -How's your dad? He's dead. -He's dead. Oh that's right -- they squished him... Heck of a guy. -Doc, these are my friends. We're superheroes, and we need your help. Well, I give to the United Way, and I feel that sort of covers -- -Snap out of it! Get on to yourself! -He'll never make it. Think positive. -I hope you enjoy these cigars. I had to kill a dozen Cubans to get them. Ummm. -Ummm. Have you considered my offer? -Have you considered my offer? You know, Mr. F, me and the boys always loved workin' for you. You had such style: the clothes, the dancin', the elegant way you'd snuff a babe. You were the King... -But times have changed, and you been in that bug house a long tine. I can see you still got the style, but I dunno for sure you still got the edge. I got it. -I got it. What about Captain Amazing? -Superheroes. Should I kill them? -Should I kill them? Why bother? -That boy's got talent. And I'm gonna nip it in the bud. -What did you do with Captain Amazing? Captain who? -I'll let you in on a little secret, Roy. In two days this entire city will belong to me, and there's not a damn thing your little pals can do about it. It's the perfect time to switch teams... So what do you say? You're nuts. -You're nuts. They always call the great ones nuts. -They always call the great ones nuts. And the nuts always call themselves great. -And the nuts always call themselves great. Are you with me... or against me? -Are you with me... or against me? Against. -Against. Too bad. PLUG HIM! -Thanks for reminding me which team I'm on. You're dead. -You're dead. So are you! -And the light goes out... Frankenstein! -Let me guess... Bullets don't hurt you. They hurt... BUT THEY DON'T STOP ME! -"I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but I couldn't help but notice... that you're a dead ringer for Veronica Lake in ""The Blue Dahlia""." Really? -Are you an actress? Just a waitress. -Just a waitress. You underestimate yourself. -You know I'm writing a play -- it's just a little Broadway thing, but there's a part in it that I think you'd be perfect for. Really? -Really? I'd love to hear you read it. Could you stick around after the luncheon? -I'd love to hear you read it. Could you stick around after the luncheon? Sure -- I guess. -Sure -- I guess. Terrific. -Hi. I thought you'd chickened out on me. -I thought you'd chickened out on me. Just wanted to... powder my nose. -"How 'bout giving me ""the tour""?" Why not? -Who's the artist? Me. -Come here. I'm not that kind of girl. -I'm not that kind of girl. Then why are you here? -Then why are you here? Curiosity. -Curiosity. Remember the cat. -I'd better go. You're a spy. -You're a spy. What? -What? I saw him walk you home. -I saw him walk you home. Who? -Who? Roy. -Stay away! Or you'll what? CAN ME? -Doesn't it piss you off the way the when you really want to talk to somebody you can't think of anything to say! I guess... Are you always so angry? -I guess... Are you always so angry? Only when I'm awake... You busy after work? -Or talk? Not tonight. -Hi. Alone tonight? -Alone tonight? Every night. -Monica... I was wondering if -- uh -- maybe we -- I mean you and I -- could -- uh -- you know -- get a -- I mean have a... Date? -Date? Yeah. -Yeah. I get off work in fifteen minutes. Walk me home? -I get off work in fifteen minutes. Walk me home? Sure. -Sure. That was easy. -I admire you. Why? -Why? Being a superhero, wanting to save the world. It's so... unselfish. -Being a superhero, wanting to save the world. It's so... unselfish. It is? -It is? Most people just want to make money or be famous or something. But you risk everything, just to help people. -Most people just want to make money or be famous or something. But you risk everything, just to help people. I wouldn't mind being famous. -I wouldn't mind being famous. Who wouldn't? -I've never been able to figure out what to do with my life, which is why I guess I'm still a waitress. Nothing wrong with being a waitress. -Nothing wrong with being a waitress. What's your real name? -What's your real name? Roy. -Roy. Have you always lived here? -Me too... I love this stupid old town. It's noisy. It's smelly. It's falling apart. It's home. -It's home. Yeah. -I've thought of leaving, going to Chicago or New York, but... What have they got that we ain't got? -What have they got that we ain't got? Champion's going to bounce back, and I want to be here when it does. -Champion's going to bounce back, and I want to be here when it does. Me, too. -Me, too. You don't seem very angry right now. -You know what? Underneath all that anger I think there's just a little boy who wants everyone to love him. I just want to be a superhero. -I just want to be a superhero. That's what I mean... 'Night, Roy. -It's me. Monica, where are you? -At the Frankenstein Center. Are you nuts? Get out of there! -Are you nuts? Get out of there! I'm going inside. -I'm going inside. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Listen, Casanova may be a supervillain, but he's got a weakness, and I'm it. Maybe -- just maybe -- I can trick him into showing me the location of the whatchamathing. -Listen, Casanova may be a supervillain, but he's got a weakness, and I'm it. Maybe -- just maybe -- I can trick him into showing me the location of the whatchamathing. He's a psycho! He'll kill you! -He's a psycho! He'll kill you! Just shut up and listen. Hold off the attack as long as you can. If I can discover the location I'll call you -- -Just shut up and listen. Hold off the attack as long as you can. If I can discover the location I'll call you -- And what if you get killed? -And what if you get killed? Then at least I will have died trying, right? -Roy... We might never see each other again, so I'd better tell you now... I think you're wonderful. What? -What? Bye. -Bye. Monica! -So, let me get this straight. You have the power to become invisible. Yes. -If someone looks at you, you immediately become visible again. Yes. -So how do you know that you've ever been invisible? I just know. -Look, kid, we've got a lot of heroes to interview -- I know I haven't got it entirely worked out yet, but I've always dreamed of becoming a superhero... Weren't you guys ever a kid? Didn't you ever need someone to just give you a chance? -Come on, guys -- we're fighting against evil. Good or evil, what's the difference? -You're the Sphinx. And you are a fool. -But now Casanova's back! And we're gonna sit around here all night eating pizza and telling stories! Hey, lets toast some marshmellows! The wise snake coils before he strikes. -The wise snake coils before he strikes. And a skunk stinks! -You drink too much. When are you going to take off that mask? -When are you going to take off that mask? When I am sure I am among friends. -Your rage is a very great power, but it blinds you to your heart. My heart died a long time ago. -My heart died a long time ago. It is not dead. It is hiding. -It is not dead. It is hiding. Blow it out your bean hole, Pancho!... And to hell with the rest of you!... Look at you. Bunch of rejects. I didn't need you before -- and I don't need you now! The great ones RIDE ALONE! Adios, muchachos! -Maybe. But this isn't about living or dying. It's about good versus evil, and we're good, whether we like it or not... Maybe we look a little funny... And smell a little funny. We're not bulletproof and we can't fly. But we're superheroes -- and that means doing what's right -- even when it's impossible... This is our city -- these are our friends, our families -- and if we don't save them, nobody will! So I say we take a ride up that hill, blast our way in there, destroy that Psycho-whatchamabob -- and teach those deviants a lesson they'll never forget! -And smell a little funny. We're not bulletproof and we can't fly. But we're superheroes -- and that means doing what's right -- even when it's impossible... This is our city -- these are our friends, our families -- and if we don't save them, nobody will! So I say we take a ride up that hill, blast our way in there, destroy that Psycho-whatchamabob -- and teach those deviants a lesson they'll never forget! Now you're talking. -We're all the same really. Our songs, our dreams, our seeds are all just a brave attempt to live forever. He is in love. His anger is gone. -Oh don't start that again -- LOOK! -Leave him alone. She's his mother, not yours. We had an off night, that's all. -We had an off night, that's all. So when are we gonna have an on night? -What are you talking about? What have the famous superheroes got that we don't? -And it would be the right thing to do. Yeah yeah -- and that, too. -I'm liking this. I say we send out the word -- and summon all of the unsung superheroes we know! -Have you ever seen him? How could I see him if he's invisible? -How could I see him if he's invisible? Good point. -You sure that's how you spell it? Yeah. -There's just not enough of us. But we know they're out there. Hundreds -- maybe thousands of lonely, unknown superheroes, who desperately need a cause... -There's a big difference. I used to believe that. Now I'm not so sure. -You know something? Those guys are really starting TO PISS ME OFF! But there's still only six of us. -But there's still only six of us. SO WHAT? -So what else has Superman got? He's got the fact that he's Superman! -This place is built like a fortress. Because that's what it is. -GET MAD! But I just don't feel it. -Your Spiderman Pez dispenser! Okay, you win. I'm pissed off. I'm seriously peeved. -But she still might call! Are you coming or not? -Are you coming or not? I'll drive. -I'll drive. Not a chance! -Cover me! With what? -He doesn't miss a trick, does he? What a jerk -- and like nobody knows who he really is! -He's Lance Hunt! Just take off the glasses -- and it's him! There's a vague similarity. -There's a vague similarity. A vague similarity? IT'S THE SAME GUY! -We need a break, that's all! Nobody'd ever heard of him until he busted Casanova Frankenstein! But look at him... and look at us. -Why do they always fill stuff these things so full you can't pull 'em out without ripping 'em! I lost another fork tonight. She's getting suspicious, I know it. -I lost another fork tonight. She's getting suspicious, I know it. So why don't you just tell her! -So why don't you just tell her! I can't. -I can't. Why not? -Why not? Because I can't! Okay? She wouldn't understand! -Nah. Roy, when was the last time you had an actual date? -Roy, when was the last time you had an actual date? What does it matter? Women just want to control you -- and talk about their feelings. They want to know why you're angry all the time -- and what can they can do to help -- so you tell them there's nothing -- nothing -- just leave me alone -- but they bug you and they bug you and they bug you -- until you just can't stand it anymore! -- so you finally open up -- you pop like a blister -- and it all comes spewing out -- all your emotions -- your feelings -- your fears -- all of it! And then they dump you. -What does it matter? Women just want to control you -- and talk about their feelings. They want to know why you're angry all the time -- and what can they can do to help -- so you tell them there's nothing -- nothing -- just leave me alone -- but they bug you and they bug you and they bug you -- until you just can't stand it anymore! -- so you finally open up -- you pop like a blister -- and it all comes spewing out -- all your emotions -- your feelings -- your fears -- all of it! And then they dump you. So you're chicken? -So you're chicken? Who's chicken? -Maybe you should try a more romantic approach. Like what? Cutting off my own ear? -Like what? Cutting off my own ear? Or flowers. -Or flowers. See ya tomorrow. -I saw him go in -- and he didn't come out! But we don't know for sure it's the same guy. -Let's go. Wait!... Look! -The who? The most vicious gang of thugs this city ever produced. Twenty years ago they were Casanova's personal bodyguard. But after he was busted they crawled into the woodwork. -The most vicious gang of thugs this city ever produced. Twenty years ago they were Casanova's personal bodyguard. But after he was busted they crawled into the woodwork. Well they've crawled back out. -I'm soaked. Oh great. Shhh. -Maybe she's right. Are you serious? This is the break we've been waiting for! -Agents? Archenemies! Casanova isn't just a criminal -- he's a supervillain. Stopping him could be our ticket to fame, fortune -- and babes! -But there's only three of us, and he's got the entire brotherhood of evil at his disposal. Then maybe it's time for us to form our own brotherhood... a brotherhood of righteous, crime fighting, skull cracking, Disco Boy bashing, warriors of the night! -Sounds good. No one's sure that he actually exists, but they say he can be contacted by leaving a message on a crumpled up napkin at the Tacky Taco down by the bus station. -Maybe there was traffic. Who are we kidding? No one's gonna show. We're living in a fantasy! -Roy, remember, it is all within your power. The only thing that's in your way... is you. Oh shut up. -Roy -- Go dance with your mother, Jeffrey! -So where's the art? He hasn't stolen it yet. -What's that? Come on. -He's turned into a completely normal person! Normal. What's normal? Does normal exist? And if it did, how would we know it? -But... only when no one is looking. Yes. -So you're only invisible... to yourself? No. -So you're only invisible, when absolutely no one is looking at you? Yes. -The Obliterators! The Eradicators! -Firepower costs money. Anybody got any? -Yes, Obie-wan. Hey... he's gone. -You guys going to a costume party? We're superheroes. -We're superheroes. Really? Like Captain Amazing? -Are you famous? Not yet. -Not yet. So you're like... struggling superheroes? -So you're like... struggling superheroes? We prefer to think of ourselves as unsung... I am the Blue Raja, Master of Silverware... -We prefer to think of ourselves as unsung... I am the Blue Raja, Master of Silverware... Wow. -Wow. And these are my associates, the Shoveler. -Really? Usually a superpower is a magical endowment or a great skill. In his case, it's entirely emotional. -Usually a superpower is a magical endowment or a great skill. In his case, it's entirely emotional. So what can I get you? -So what can I get you? Burgers all around. Medium. Rare. Raw. -Here you go. Ow. -Ow. Maybe you guys ought to forget this Superhero stuff and join Kiwanis or something. -Jeffrey! Oh hi, Mom. -Oh hi, Mom. What are you doing in the silver drawer? -What are you doing in the silver drawer? Looking for... the TV Guide. -It's on the television. Of course. I'm such a fool... Thanks, Mummy. -Jeffrey, YOU THIEF! Mother... it's not what you think! -Mother... it's not what you think! And why are you wearing that silly costume? -And why are you wearing that silly costume? Because... I'M A SUPERHERO! -Oh, Mother, I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer with a family -- but it's just not who I am! But... the silverware? -But... the silverware? I use it... to fight evil. -I use it... to fight evil. Jeffrey... this is wonderful. -Jeffrey... this is wonderful. It is? -It is? I always knew that you were special. -I always knew that you were special. You did? -You did? Ever since you were a little boy... Come with me. -Oh, who gives a damn who he is? I can't take this anymore. Night after night we're on the streets, busting our humps -- and for what? We take the licks and he gets the chicks. -We take the licks and he gets the chicks. How long do you have to chase a dream before you realize it's not gonna happen? -Hi. And Mister Furious... His anger is his power. -She likes you. Definitely. -Definitely. Ask her out. -This is bad. Who are they? -Who are they? The Disco Boys. -We may be getting in over our heads here. This looks like a job for Superman -- -This looks like a job for Superman -- Or Batman -- -Or Batman -- Or both. -Don't crunch the leaves. Sorry. -Sorry. Be a Mohican. -Be a Mohican. Shut up. -Do we have to? I got this cousin. He's a real doofus, but he claims he can become invisible. -And there's the Sphinx. The who? -The who? He's a legendary masked Mexican crime fighting superwrestler and master of the machete. -And a social life. Yeah, but how do we get to them? -To us! Whatever our name is. -Are you sure he's still lives here? Are you sure he's still alive? -But, Doc... where's the machine guns? The bazookas? -Twenty years ago all the major hoodlums of this city were united into one great brotherhood of evil, and Casanova was their king. Crime was rampant. It wasn't safe to stay in your home. -He busted Casanova and sent the crooks packing. And this has been a pretty nice place to live ever since. -Maybe it's time we checked that place out. But how do we get in? -That was too close. But we gotta find out what's going on in there. -We're outnumbered twenty to one. It's suicide. -Oh no. Great timing! -It's time. With or without him, we gotta go! -We've got lift off! May the forks be with us! -Where am I going? Through there! -Through there! Right. -It is a thing entirely unknown in diplomacy, that one government should assume a right to dictate to another, who is upon terms of equality, the conditions on which she should conduct her commerce; and, assuming such a right, second it by threatening language, in case of non-compliance. But, Your Majesty, the very substance of the Tilsit treaty was that you should join the Continental Blockade, boycott English goods, suspend all commercial dealings with her, and be France's ally. Nothing more is being asked than to comply with the treaty. -But, Your Majesty, the very substance of the Tilsit treaty was that you should join the Continental Blockade, boycott English goods, suspend all commercial dealings with her, and be France's ally. Nothing more is being asked than to comply with the treaty. My dear Caulaincourt, agreements can endure only when they allow both sides to live. Napoleon may believe it is necessary to injure England but, before that, he must realize it is necessary for him to allow his friends to live. He cannot expect me to tell my nobles they must ruin themselves so that he can bring England to her knees -- and I'm afraid that is what it has come to. -My dear Caulaincourt, agreements can endure only when they allow both sides to live. Napoleon may believe it is necessary to injure England but, before that, he must realize it is necessary for him to allow his friends to live. He cannot expect me to tell my nobles they must ruin themselves so that he can bring England to her knees -- and I'm afraid that is what it has come to. I can appreciate what Your Majesty is saying but the Emperor has staked everything on this policy. He has no other way to attack England, and no one knows more than Your Majesty how his overtures for peace have been rejected. -I can appreciate what Your Majesty is saying but the Emperor has staked everything on this policy. He has no other way to attack England, and no one knows more than Your Majesty how his overtures for peace have been rejected. It's a fine thing to establish policies but, when they don't work, they must be reconsidered. Granted that you have hurt England, but she is still on her feet. And to seal off her trade with Europe, what has it cost you? You have had to rule with an iron hand. You have turned friends into enemies. And even at that, the result has only been partly effective. You have never been able to stop the extensive cheating, smuggling and corruption -- even of your own officials. But I should think the situation in Spain, alone, would give your policy a minus balance. You have had to commit a quarter of a million of your best troops against the guerrillas, with no victory in sight. And you have given England a dangerous foothold on the Continent, for her armies. -It's a fine thing to establish policies but, when they don't work, they must be reconsidered. Granted that you have hurt England, but she is still on her feet. And to seal off her trade with Europe, what has it cost you? You have had to rule with an iron hand. You have turned friends into enemies. And even at that, the result has only been partly effective. You have never been able to stop the extensive cheating, smuggling and corruption -- even of your own officials. But I should think the situation in Spain, alone, would give your policy a minus balance. You have had to commit a quarter of a million of your best troops against the guerrillas, with no victory in sight. And you have given England a dangerous foothold on the Continent, for her armies. I am in no position to debate this with you, Your Majesty, but can you imagine what a blow it will be to the Emperor if you should now desert his cause? It would mean nothing less than victory for England. -I am in no position to debate this with you, Your Majesty, but can you imagine what a blow it will be to the Emperor if you should now desert his cause? It would mean nothing less than victory for England. My dear Caulaincourt, you have no idea of how compromised my own position has become since Tilsit. I am blamed by the army for the military disaster at Austerlitz and Friedland, by the nobility for ruining their trade with England, by the merchants who must accept French foods at unprofitable prices, and by the nation for allowing Napoleon to dictate Russian policy. -Your Majesty knows my affection for him is deep and genuine, and goes far beyond my official role as Ambassador. But I would be remiss in my feelings for you, and in my responsibility to the Emperor, if I did not say that it is entirely possible that the Emperor will view your refutation of the terms of the Treaty of Tilsit, as the first step in the exchange of a French alliance for an English one -- with all the dangers that might entail. I have given a great deal of thought to that possibility, and I am prepared to face it. If it should come to war, and I presume that is what you are alluding to, I would rather have war with the Emperor than my own people. -I hope you will forgive me, Your Majesty, for requesting an audience at such a late hour, but I have traveled all the way from Moscow to see you, on a matter which cannot wait. Very well, General, what is it you wish to say? -Very well, General, what is it you wish to say? Your Majesty, I have been advised that you have received a letter from Napoleon, offering a peace treaty, and that you have decided to accept it. -Your Majesty, I have been advised that you have received a letter from Napoleon, offering a peace treaty, and that you have decided to accept it. I have decided to accept the principle of a negotiation; the terms are not established. -I have decided to accept the principle of a negotiation; the terms are not established. If I may, Your Majesty, I would like to offer a dissenting opinion. -If I may, Your Majesty, I would like to offer a dissenting opinion. General Kutusov, feel free to say whatever you like. -General Kutusov, feel free to say whatever you like. I believe I am right in saying that, before the fire, the country had grown weary of the war, and there were few who were interested in continuing the battle. -I believe I am right in saying that, before the fire, the country had grown weary of the war, and there were few who were interested in continuing the battle. Proceed. -Proceed. But, since the fire, a completely new spirit has been aroused in the nation. The French have become an army of criminals, against whom Russia must be avenged, against whom she is now prepared to fight to the death. -But, since the fire, a completely new spirit has been aroused in the nation. The French have become an army of criminals, against whom Russia must be avenged, against whom she is now prepared to fight to the death. You know, General Kutusov, there is a very strong possibility that the fire was not started by Napoleon's troops but was organized under the orders of Rostopchin's secret police. -You know, General Kutusov, there is a very strong possibility that the fire was not started by Napoleon's troops but was organized under the orders of Rostopchin's secret police. I have heard that story but I do not believe it. -I have heard that story but I do not believe it. Rostopchin is a fanatic and he is capable of anything -- however, it doesn't affect what we are talking about. Please go on. -Rostopchin is a fanatic and he is capable of anything -- however, it doesn't affect what we are talking about. Please go on. The point I was trying to make is that I think it is reasonable to say that Your Majesty would not find himself under unbearable pressure, if he decided to make peace with the Emperor, at least at this time. -The point I was trying to make is that I think it is reasonable to say that Your Majesty would not find himself under unbearable pressure, if he decided to make peace with the Emperor, at least at this time. For the sake of your argument, let us say that is correct. -For the sake of your argument, let us say that is correct. Well, has Your Majesty considered what Napoleon's alternatives might be, if you simply chose to ignore his note? -Well, has Your Majesty considered what Napoleon's alternatives might be, if you simply chose to ignore his note? Yes, General Kutusov, I daresay that this has been considered and discussed at great length. Napoleon would simply spend the winter in Moscow and continue the campaign in the spring. Another lesser possibility might be to march on St. Petersburg now, although there is some doubt that he has the strength to do this, until he refits his army. -Yes, General Kutusov, I daresay that this has been considered and discussed at great length. Napoleon would simply spend the winter in Moscow and continue the campaign in the spring. Another lesser possibility might be to march on St. Petersburg now, although there is some doubt that he has the strength to do this, until he refits his army. You have my absolute assurance, Your Majesty, that Napoleon does not have the strength to attack St. Petersburg now -- his army is exhausted and ill-supplied, and he would be defeated if he attempted that. -You have my absolute assurance, Your Majesty, that Napoleon does not have the strength to attack St. Petersburg now -- his army is exhausted and ill-supplied, and he would be defeated if he attempted that. I will accept your assurance, but I'm afraid I don't see your point. -I will accept your assurance, but I'm afraid I don't see your point. Forgive me, Your Majesty, I am about to make it. -Forgive me, Your Majesty, I am about to make it. Ah, yes -- proceed. -Ah, yes -- proceed. The point is that I don't think Napoleon will sit in Moscow until the spring! I don't think he can afford to. -Well, that is a very interesting idea, General Kutusov, but I can assure you that Napoleon is no beginner at this. Whatever analysis you have done on this situation, I am sure that he has gone over the same ground. I have no doubt that he has, Your Majesty, but does he have any strong moves from which to choose? -I have no doubt that he has, Your Majesty, but does he have any strong moves from which to choose? Well, one thing immediately comes to mind, if what you are saying is true -- he would merely withdraw his army from Moscow and return to Poland for the winter. -Well, one thing immediately comes to mind, if what you are saying is true -- he would merely withdraw his army from Moscow and return to Poland for the winter. Your Majesty has grasped the outlines of his problem in much less time than it took me. This is a crucial point -- and it is a political one, which Your Majesty will be in a far better position to answer than I. Can Napoleon afford to abandon Moscow without signing even the preliminaries of a peace treaty with you? -Your Majesty has grasped the outlines of his problem in much less time than it took me. This is a crucial point -- and it is a political one, which Your Majesty will be in a far better position to answer than I. Can Napoleon afford to abandon Moscow without signing even the preliminaries of a peace treaty with you? I must confess he would look a bit silly, fighting his way to Moscow and turning right around again. -I must confess he would look a bit silly, fighting his way to Moscow and turning right around again. Perhaps it would be even more serious than that, Your Majesty. His European confederation is held together by some very slender threads. Your Majesty knows even better than I that Austria and Prussia are very doubtful allies, and the Emperor has reason enough to fear that they will turn on him, at the first sign of weakness. -Perhaps it would be even more serious than that, Your Majesty. His European confederation is held together by some very slender threads. Your Majesty knows even better than I that Austria and Prussia are very doubtful allies, and the Emperor has reason enough to fear that they will turn on him, at the first sign of weakness. Proceed. -Proceed. If I can presume to go into the Emperor's mind, I believe that he has based his entire campaign strategy on obtaining a peace treaty after the fall of Moscow. When Vienna fell, there was a peace treaty. When Berlin fell, another treaty. That has always been the rules of the game. But what is he to do now if no treaty is forth- coming? He knows that beyond Moscow, there is nothing, and that, if he withdraws, there remains only a fall into emptiness. -What do you think Napoleon will do? I, personally, am convinced that he will withdraw his army from Moscow, and attempt to establish himself in Poland for the winter. In the end, he will not allow himself to be cut off from Paris. But I believe that if he is offered any encouragement, by Your Majesty, he will postpone this decision as long as possible. He is a gambler and he will trust to his luck. -If he withdraws his army in good order, it will be a serious political defeat. But, if he should be caught on the move, with his army, in the full grip of winter, then it will be a catastrophe. If Your Majesty can prolong his hopes for a treaty by silence, be deceit, by any means, for another month, thus postponing his departure, then the graves of his army are already dug in the soil of Russia. General Kutusov, I would like to call a meeting of my cabinet tomorrow morning and have you present this idea to them. I think it has merit and is worthy of consideration. -General Kutusov, I would like to call a meeting of my cabinet tomorrow morning and have you present this idea to them. I think it has merit and is worthy of consideration. I am at your disposal, Your Majesty. -And, what a great pleasure it is, indeed, to meet you, Alexander. And, what a delightful idea! -And, what a delightful idea! Ah -- you approve? -Ah -- you approve? I think it's absolutely charming. -I think it's absolutely charming. I'm glad you like it. -I'm glad you like it. Whatever suggested the idea to you? -Whatever suggested the idea to you? I shall tell you in the strictest confidence -- when I was a boy, I had a passion for rafts, and never had the opportunity to build one. -You can always tell at a glance whether retreating infantry are being pursed by cavalry, because they hurry along and keep turning around and looking back. When they are retreating before infantry, they merely trudge along, head down. Fascinating! Tell me, leaving aside the question of grand strategy, for the moment, what would you say is the single most difficult tactical skill to master? -Fascinating! Tell me, leaving aside the question of grand strategy, for the moment, what would you say is the single most difficult tactical skill to master? "Without a doubt, to estimate the enemy's strength on the battlefield. This is something that is only acquired by experience and instinct. At Jena, there were as many opinions about strength of the enemy as there were generals present. Murat said there were 50,000, preparing to attack. Berthier said there were no more than 25,000, about to withdraw. ""Berthier sees only what is in the open,"" Murat said. ""But don't forget there is a second force hidden in the forest."" And so it would always go, each of them would judge things according to his own ability, character and state of mind, at the moment." -"Without a doubt, to estimate the enemy's strength on the battlefield. This is something that is only acquired by experience and instinct. At Jena, there were as many opinions about strength of the enemy as there were generals present. Murat said there were 50,000, preparing to attack. Berthier said there were no more than 25,000, about to withdraw. ""Berthier sees only what is in the open,"" Murat said. ""But don't forget there is a second force hidden in the forest."" And so it would always go, each of them would judge things according to his own ability, character and state of mind, at the moment." Ah, my dear Napoleon, sometimes I feel that I am not really an Emperor as you are. -Ah, my dear Napoleon, sometimes I feel that I am not really an Emperor as you are. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I know absolutely nothing of war -- and I am still totally dependent upon my generals. -Yes -- who spoke up? I did, sir. -Yes, Captain? Have you anything you wish to say? Yes, with all due respect, I do Citizen Barras. -Yes, with all due respect, I do Citizen Barras. Please... -Please... May I come to the map? -Ah, my dear friend, come in, come in. Please sit down. I'm sorry, I was at the theater and I didn't receive your note until I returned to my hotel. -I'm sorry, I was at the theater and I didn't receive your note until I returned to my hotel. Thank you for coming. Would you care for a drink? -Thank you for coming. Would you care for a drink? No, thank you. -I don't have to tell you of our latest difficulties. Things are quite serious, I should say. -Things are quite serious, I should say. We expect an attack on the Convention tomorrow morning, at daybreak, and I have been placed in charge of its defense. -We expect an attack on the Convention tomorrow morning, at daybreak, and I have been placed in charge of its defense. What do you have in mind? -What do you have in mind? To be perfectly honest, I haven't the vaguest idea. -To be perfectly honest, I haven't the vaguest idea. Are you serious? -Are you serious? I don't even know whether a defense is possible. -I don't even know whether a defense is possible. What forces do you have at your disposal? -What forces do you have at your disposal? About 5,000 troops. -About 5,000 troops. Cavalry? -Cavalry? The 21st Dragoons, about two or three-hundred troopers. -The 21st Dragoons, about two or three-hundred troopers. Any cannon? -Any cannon? There are none here. -There are none here. Where are they? -Where are they? Well, I believe there are at least 30 guns at Sablons. -Well, I believe there are at least 30 guns at Sablons. You could have them here by daybreak. -You could have them here by daybreak. Is this enough to oppose 40,000 men? -Is this enough to oppose 40,000 men? Properly arranged, yes. -Properly arranged, yes. These are odds of 8 to 1. -These are odds of 8 to 1. The numbers are not particularly relevant. You are not up against soldiers -- this is a mob, and they will run as soon as things become sufficiently unpleasant. -The numbers are not particularly relevant. You are not up against soldiers -- this is a mob, and they will run as soon as things become sufficiently unpleasant. Would you be prepared to handle this for me? -Would you be prepared to handle this for me? Are you proposing to transfer command to me? -Are you proposing to transfer command to me? In every practical sense, yes, but, officially, of course, I would have to retain command. -In every practical sense, yes, but, officially, of course, I would have to retain command. Fair enough. -Fair enough. I must be honest with you. I first approached three generals more senior than yourself, and they all very prudently sent excuses. -I must be honest with you. I first approached three generals more senior than yourself, and they all very prudently sent excuses. I'm not insulted. -I'm not insulted. You realize what is at stake? -You realize what is at stake? Our lives, the revolution, my career? -Our lives, the revolution, my career? Look, let me be completely open with you, I have a carriage and an escort waiting for me, and I have a great deal of money outside of France. Unless we stand a very good chance of carrying this off, I am prepared to call it quits right now. -Well, Belliard, what's this? What are you doing here? Where is the enemy? They are at the gates of Paris, sire. -They are at the gates of Paris, sire. And where is the army? -And where is the army? It is on this road, sire, following me. -It is on this road, sire, following me. And who is defending Paris? -And who is defending Paris? Paris is evacuated, sire. The enemy is to enter at nine o'clock tomorrow morning. The National Guard is on duty at the gates. -Paris is evacuated, sire. The enemy is to enter at nine o'clock tomorrow morning. The National Guard is on duty at the gates. Paris has surrendered?! I don't believe it. -Paris has surrendered?! I don't believe it. Unhappily, it is true, sire. -Unhappily, it is true, sire. But where are my wife and son? What's become of them? Where is Marmont? Where is Mortier? -But where are my wife and son? What's become of them? Where is Marmont? Where is Mortier? The Empress, your son and the whole court left two days ago for Rambouillet. Marshals Mortier and Marmont are probably still in Paris, completing the arrangements. -But, sire, Your Majesty would lay Paris open to being sacked. The enemy is outside the gates with more than 120,000 men. Besides this, I left the city under the terms of a treaty and I am forbidden to reenter Paris. A treaty? Don't be ridiculous. What treaty is this? Who made it? Who has been giving orders? -A treaty? Don't be ridiculous. What treaty is this? Who made it? Who has been giving orders? I don't know the details of the treaty, sire, Marshal Mortier sent me word of its having been agreed to, and he said that I was to take the army and make for Fontainebleau. -I don't know the details of the treaty, sire, Marshal Mortier sent me word of its having been agreed to, and he said that I was to take the army and make for Fontainebleau. But who made this treaty? -But who made this treaty? I believe it was arranged by Marshals Mortier and Marmont. I must explain to you that we have had no orders all day. Each marshal has been keeping his own position. -I believe it was arranged by Marshals Mortier and Marmont. I must explain to you that we have had no orders all day. Each marshal has been keeping his own position. Who sent my wife and son out of Paris? -Who sent my wife and son out of Paris? I don't know, sire. -I don't know, sire. And where is Joseph? -And where is Joseph? I don't know what has happened to Prince Joseph. -I don't know what has happened to Prince Joseph. What cowardice! What treason! Joseph has ruined everything. How could they all lose their heads. They knew I was coming up fast. Victory was just within grasp. Come, come, turn your troops around, General Belliard. -Josephine dead -- how unbelievable! How impossible it is to believe it. She was always physically so strong -- she was never ill a day in her life. It is a terrible shock. -But did she have the best doctors? Wasn't there any chance at all to save her? I don't know, sire -- she had the Tsar's personal physician. -I don't know, sire -- she had the Tsar's personal physician. She should have had Larrey or Corvisart. They might have saved her... But why didn't anyone even write to me? Can you believe that no one even bothered to write to me? Would you have believed that I should read such news in a newspaper? How incredible! -She should have had Larrey or Corvisart. They might have saved her... But why didn't anyone even write to me? Can you believe that no one even bothered to write to me? Would you have believed that I should read such news in a newspaper? How incredible! That is incredible. -That is incredible. Ah, my poor Josephine. She was the most alluring, most glamorous creature I have ever known -- a woman in every sense of the word, and she had the kindest heart in the world. She may have been a liar and a spendthrift, but she had something that was irresistible -- she was a women to her very fingertips... How impossible it is to believe that she is dead. -Ah, my poor Josephine. She was the most alluring, most glamorous creature I have ever known -- a woman in every sense of the word, and she had the kindest heart in the world. She may have been a liar and a spendthrift, but she had something that was irresistible -- she was a women to her very fingertips... How impossible it is to believe that she is dead. I have never heard an unkind word about her spoken. -I have never heard an unkind word about her spoken. I suppose I might blame her for opening her house to the men most responsible to my downfall, but how can I? She was on her own again, she had to look after her own affairs, and how can one blame her for having her head turned by the attention of Kings? -Who is there? Bertrand, sire. -Bertrand, sire. I have just had the most vivid... dream... about Josephine. -I have just had the most vivid... dream... about Josephine. Yes, sire? -Yes, sire? She was sitting there... and it was as if I had last seen her only the night before... She hadn't changed -- she was still the same -- still completely devoted to me... and she told me we were going to see each other again and, never again, leave each other... She has promised me. Did you see her? -She was sitting there... and it was as if I had last seen her only the night before... She hadn't changed -- she was still the same -- still completely devoted to me... and she told me we were going to see each other again and, never again, leave each other... She has promised me. Did you see her? No, sire... I was asleep. -No, sire... I was asleep. I wanted to kiss her, but she didn't want to kiss me... She slipped away, the moment I wanted to take her in my arms. -Read it back. To Joseph Bonaparte -- Dear Joseph, I have been informed by my wife of the cold and spiteful treatment she has been receiving at the hands of my family, since my departure. I am also informed that you have refused to pay over to her any of the money I left with you expressly for this purpose. Must you, too, take this opportunity during my absence to indulge the petty jealousies of the Bonaparte family? -To Joseph Bonaparte -- Dear Joseph, I have been informed by my wife of the cold and spiteful treatment she has been receiving at the hands of my family, since my departure. I am also informed that you have refused to pay over to her any of the money I left with you expressly for this purpose. Must you, too, take this opportunity during my absence to indulge the petty jealousies of the Bonaparte family? Oh, shit, that's not right. -General Bonaparte? Come back in an hour. -Come back in an hour. Excuse me, General Bonaparte, but I believe this is an extremely urgent matter, requiring your immediate attention. -Excuse me, General Bonaparte, but I believe this is an extremely urgent matter, requiring your immediate attention. Come in. -This dispatch has just arrived from Aboukir, marked highest priority, for General Bonaparte's eyes only. Let me see it. -I believe you are acquainted with my brother, Joseph Bonaparte, and my aide, Major Junot. Yes, sir, I had the honor of meeting them on the trip from Paris. -Captain Charles, I believe you are one of General Le Clerc's aides-de- camp. Yes, sir, I am. -Yes, sir, I am. Was it he who assigned you to command the escort which accompanied Madame Bonaparte's coach? -Was it he who assigned you to command the escort which accompanied Madame Bonaparte's coach? Yes, sir. -Was the trip normal in every respect? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Did any difficulties of any kind arise during the trip? -Did any difficulties of any kind arise during the trip? No, sir, none at all. -Then, you have my thanks, Captain Charles, for safely escorting Madame Bonaparte to Milan, and you may consider your assignment completed. Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir. You will return to Paris tomorrow and you will carry my compliments and thanks to General Le Clerc for assigning such an excellent officer to carry out a responsibility which has meant so much to myself and to Madame Bonaparte. -You will return to Paris tomorrow and you will carry my compliments and thanks to General Le Clerc for assigning such an excellent officer to carry out a responsibility which has meant so much to myself and to Madame Bonaparte. Thank you, sir. I will do that. -Thank you, sir. I will do that. You may go, Captain Charles. -Yes, sir? A glass of champagne, please. -A glass of champagne, please. Yes, sir. I hope you will excuse me for asking, General Bonaparte, but are you Corsican? -Yes, sir. I hope you will excuse me for asking, General Bonaparte, but are you Corsican? Yes, I am. -Yes, I am. I thought so, I noticed your name when you were announced. I'm Corsican too -- my name is Arena. -I thought so, I noticed your name when you were announced. I'm Corsican too -- my name is Arena. Oh -- where do you come from? -Oh -- where do you come from? Bastia -- and you? -Bastia -- and you? Ajaccio. -Ajaccio. Have you been back recently? -I haven't been there for three years. I haven't been back for ten years. Is your family still there? -I haven't been back for ten years. Is your family still there? No, they're living in Nice now. -No, they're living in Nice now. That's a nice city. This is your first time here, isn't it? -That's a nice city. This is your first time here, isn't it? Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. -Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. You don't know many of Citizen Barras' friends, do you? -You don't know many of Citizen Barras' friends, do you? Ah-hh, no. -Ah-hh, no. I thought not. I noticed you by yourself, all night. -Just a minute, General. Listen, don't let them fool you with all their grand la-de-da. They've all made their money from the war -- mostly from crooked war contracts. They say Citizen Barras has put away millions. I see... -Hello there, Picart. Ah, Didier -- you are alive. -Ah, Didier -- you are alive. Why are you carrying the dog? -Why are you carrying the dog? His paws are frozen and he cannot walk. -His paws are frozen and he cannot walk. When you eat him, may I have some? -When you eat him, may I have some? My God -- don't you recognize Mouton -- our regimental dog? I would rather eat Cossack. -My God...! What time is it? Four o'clock. -Four o'clock. My God, what a fire! -When did it start? The first reports came in at about ten. -The first reports came in at about ten. Why didn't you wake me then? -Why didn't you wake me then? At first, it hardly seemed more than a routine fire. -At first, it hardly seemed more than a routine fire. How did it spread so quickly? -How did it spread so quickly? It is the work of incendiaries. -It is the work of incendiaries. I told Mortier that he would answer with his life for any looting. -I told Mortier that he would answer with his life for any looting. Our troops have no part in this. It has been started by the Russians! -Our troops have no part in this. It has been started by the Russians! Impossible, I don't believe it. -Impossible, I don't believe it. We have already captured a dozen incendiaries, convicts, released just two days ago. They said they were acting under orders of the secret police. -We have already captured a dozen incendiaries, convicts, released just two days ago. They said they were acting under orders of the secret police. But to start a fire like this in five hours -- how is it possible? It would take a carefully organized plan, tons of combustibles and hundreds of people. -But to start a fire like this in five hours -- how is it possible? It would take a carefully organized plan, tons of combustibles and hundreds of people. From what we can tell, there are hundreds of agents, all over the city. The combustibles seem to have been carefully placed beforehand, and all the fire-engines have been removed from the city. -From what we can tell, there are hundreds of agents, all over the city. The combustibles seem to have been carefully placed beforehand, and all the fire-engines have been removed from the city. My God -- this could be very bad for us... very bad, indeed. -Good heavens, Ambassador -- what has happened? Ah, good evening, my dear Duroc. I'm afraid I've been out hunting and I have had a rather bad fall. -Ah, good evening, my dear Duroc. I'm afraid I've been out hunting and I have had a rather bad fall. Indeed you have, Ambassador. Have you sent for a doctor? -Indeed you have, Ambassador. Have you sent for a doctor? Yes, I have, and I hope you will forgive me, Duroc, but unless your visit is extremely urgent, I shall have to ask you to excuse me until tomorrow. -Yes, I have, and I hope you will forgive me, Duroc, but unless your visit is extremely urgent, I shall have to ask you to excuse me until tomorrow. I beg your indulgence, Ambassador, but it is. -I beg your indulgence, Ambassador, but it is. Oh? -The Emperor has decided to marry your Archduchess, Marie-Louise. What is that? -What is that? Earlier this afternoon, the Emperor refused the hand of the Grand Duchess Anna, of Russia, and, as I'm sure you can appreciate, he is quite able to change his mind again. For the Emperor, to choose a wife, is only a matter of minutes. -Earlier this afternoon, the Emperor refused the hand of the Grand Duchess Anna, of Russia, and, as I'm sure you can appreciate, he is quite able to change his mind again. For the Emperor, to choose a wife, is only a matter of minutes. But this is not a matter which can be settled tonight, surely? -But this is not a matter which can be settled tonight, surely? No one can say how the Emperor's thoughts work, Ambassador, and unless we move quickly, he might change his mind again. -No one can say how the Emperor's thoughts work, Ambassador, and unless we move quickly, he might change his mind again. But, my dear Duroc, how can I act without guidance from Vienna? I haven't the slightest idea of how the Emperor Francis might feel about this. -But, my dear Duroc, how can I act without guidance from Vienna? I haven't the slightest idea of how the Emperor Francis might feel about this. May I suggest that we can prepare and sign the agreement, between ourselves, subject to the approval of the two Emperors. Believe me, my dear friend, your Archduchess, Marie-Louis, may very well hold, in her hands, the future of our two countries. -Good morning, Citizen de Beauharnais. Good morning, sir. Are you General Bonaparte? -Good morning, sir. Are you General Bonaparte? I am, Citizen. Is your mother Madame Josephine de Beauharnais? -I am, Citizen. Is your mother Madame Josephine de Beauharnais? Yes, sir. Are you acquainted with her? -Yes, sir. Are you acquainted with her? I have met her. What is your business with me? -I have met her. What is your business with me? I believe you issued an order that all citizens of Paris must hand over any weapons that they have in their possession. -I believe you issued an order that all citizens of Paris must hand over any weapons that they have in their possession. That is correct. -That is correct. This morning, a Lieutenant and three soldiers came to our house and asked if we had weapons. I explained we had only my late father's sword, which, in fact, was not a weapon but only a keepsake of memory. -This morning, a Lieutenant and three soldiers came to our house and asked if we had weapons. I explained we had only my late father's sword, which, in fact, was not a weapon but only a keepsake of memory. A sword is a weapon whatever else you might wish to use it for. -A sword is a weapon whatever else you might wish to use it for. I told the Lieutenant my late father was General Alexander de Beauharnais, and asked if there was any consideration that might be given to his memory. -I told the Lieutenant my late father was General Alexander de Beauharnais, and asked if there was any consideration that might be given to his memory. And he sent you to me? -And he sent you to me? He said no one had the authority to rescind the order except you. -He said no one had the authority to rescind the order except you. Does your mother know you have come? -Does your mother know you have come? No, sir. -No, sir. Well, then, you have a lot of initiative, my young friend. -Well, then, you have a lot of initiative, my young friend. My father's sword means more to me than any other possession I have. -My father's sword means more to me than any other possession I have. You realize, of course, that thousands of swords have been collected. How do you expect me to find yours? -Ah, my dear Francis, what a genuine pleasure it is to meet you at last. I fear our meeting is long overdue... Napoleon. -I fear our meeting is long overdue... Napoleon. I'm sorry that I am unable to offer you better hospitality, but this is the only place I have inhabited for the past month. -I'm sorry that I am unable to offer you better hospitality, but this is the only place I have inhabited for the past month. You have made such excellent use of it; I should think you will hate to leave it. -You have made such excellent use of it; I should think you will hate to leave it. Shall we move closer to the fire? -Shall we move closer to the fire? Yes -- an excellent idea. -Will Alexander be joining us soon? I very much doubt that he will. -I very much doubt that he will. Oh...? -Oh...? I'm afraid he has been rather upset by the outcome of the battle. -I'm afraid he has been rather upset by the outcome of the battle. I see. -But he asked me to say... on his behalf... that your achievements have increased his... admiration for you, and that he believes... your success is predestined by heaven... and that his army... My dear Francis, you do seem extremely uncomfortable. -My dear Francis, you do seem extremely uncomfortable. I'm afraid I am, just a bit. -I'm afraid I am, just a bit. Would you like some brandy? -Would you like some brandy? Thank you. -Thank you. I'll have the fire built up. -Thank you, Napoleon. Francis, may I ask whether you wear warm winter underwear? -No -- not as a rule. Ah, well, that is the first rule of warfare. You must wear long-sleeved and long-legged underwear. You can never conjure up brilliancies with a cold bottom. -Good evening, sir. Good evening, Mademoiselle. -The weather is terrible, isn't it, sir? Yes, it is. It must be one of the worst nights we have had this winter. -Yes, it is. It must be one of the worst nights we have had this winter. Yes, it must be. -You must be chilled to the bone, standing out of doors like this. Yes, I am, sir. -Yes, I am, sir. Then what brings you out on such a night? -Then what brings you out on such a night? Well, one must do something to live, you know -- and I have an elderly mother who depends on me. -Well, one must do something to live, you know -- and I have an elderly mother who depends on me. Oh, I see... That must be a great burden. -Oh, I see... That must be a great burden. One must take life as it comes -- do you live in Lyon, sir? -One must take life as it comes -- do you live in Lyon, sir? No, I'm only here on leave. My regiment is at Valence. -No, I'm only here on leave. My regiment is at Valence. Are you staying with a friend, sir? -Are you staying with a friend, sir? No... I have a... room... at the Hotel de Perrin. -No... I have a... room... at the Hotel de Perrin. Is it a nice warm room, sir? -Is it a nice warm room, sir? Well, it must be a good deal warmer than it is here on the street. -Well, it must be a good deal warmer than it is here on the street. Would you like to take me there, so that we can get warm, sir? -Would you like to take me there, so that we can get warm, sir? Uh-hh... yes, of course -- if you would like to go... there... but... I have very little money. -Uh-hh... yes, of course -- if you would like to go... there... but... I have very little money. Do you have three francs, sir? -Br-rrr, these sheets are like ice. Oh, I'm sorry about that. -What's your name? Lisette. -Lisette. Only Lisette? -Only Lisette? Lisette La Croix. -Lisette La Croix. That's a very nice name. Where are you from? -That's a very nice name. Where are you from? Please, sir, come into bed or I shall die of a chill. -Please, sir, come into bed or I shall die of a chill. Oh, yes... of course. -I would like both of you to read this. Please read it aloud. To Citizen General Bonaparte from one who does not wish to see him dishonored by his wife. You should know, Citizen General, that your wife has taken a lover, one Captain Hippolyte Charles... undated and unsigned. -Naturally, one does not take much stock in such a piece of filth but, on the other hand, it is not the sort of thing one can simply ignore. What do you think, Joseph? No... -No... Junot? -No... nothing at all. Not even the slightest hint of something? -Not even the slightest hint of something? No -- Captain Charles commanded the cavalry escort, and rode outside the carriage. In the evenings, he always ate at another table. They hardly ever spoke to each other. -No -- Captain Charles commanded the cavalry escort, and rode outside the carriage. In the evenings, he always ate at another table. They hardly ever spoke to each other. You would tell me, Joseph, wouldn't you? -You would tell me, Joseph, wouldn't you? Yes, of course, I would. You know I am not one of your wife's greatest admirers, but I certainly know nothing about this. -Yes, of course, I would. You know I am not one of your wife's greatest admirers, but I certainly know nothing about this. And you, Junot? -The important thing is to find the right lawyer. One who will not protract the thing indefinitely, in the courts. You know I am only too happy to be of help to you, but surely this isn't the ideal moment to involve yourself in such matters. -You know I am only too happy to be of help to you, but surely this isn't the ideal moment to involve yourself in such matters. I know of no better time. -I know of no better time. You can't be serious. It would not be good to become another husband out of a Moliere farce. -You can't be serious. It would not be good to become another husband out of a Moliere farce. The comedy of my marriage is sufficiently well known already. -The comedy of my marriage is sufficiently well known already. You must not act impetuously. -You must not act impetuously. It is time to clarify the situation. Everything is over between us. -It is time to clarify the situation. Everything is over between us. But you can do the same thing in six months. The next few weeks may be the most important ones in your life. -But you can do the same thing in six months. The next few weeks may be the most important ones in your life. My mind is made up. She will not set foot in my house again. I think if I saw her again, I might be tempted to strangle her. -Are you sure that you are not still in love with her? Are you trying to insult me? -Are you trying to insult me? Of course not, but such violence of feeling makes me wonder. -Of course not, but such violence of feeling makes me wonder. Well, you shall see. -Well, you shall see. When is she supposed to return? -When is she supposed to return? I have no idea. Her maid said she left two days ago, to meet me -- I can imagine where she is. But when she finally does come home, she will find her things in the street and my door locked. -I have no idea. Her maid said she left two days ago, to meet me -- I can imagine where she is. But when she finally does come home, she will find her things in the street and my door locked. She will probably appear with a dozen excuses and you will forgive her anyway. -She will probably appear with a dozen excuses and you will forgive her anyway. My dear Joseph, the only thing that is clear is that my wife is a slut -- and while a man may want a slut for his mistress, he does not want her for his wife. -Will you use the troops? Only as a last resort. What are the Councils doing now? -Ah, my dear Madame de Montesquiou, you have no idea what happiness it brings me to see this child, at last. I was told the very idea of such a visit would too much distress the Empress. I am delighted to be of service to you again, Your Highness. And I can tell you, my instructions came directly from the Emperor, with a caution to be discreet. -I am delighted to be of service to you again, Your Highness. And I can tell you, my instructions came directly from the Emperor, with a caution to be discreet. Oh... I see. I understand. How is... the Emperor? -Oh... I see. I understand. How is... the Emperor? I rarely see him, Your Highness, but I believe he is in excellent health, and he is very happy with the child. -I rarely see him, Your Highness, but I believe he is in excellent health, and he is very happy with the child. Ah, that is good. -Ah, that is good. And, you seem in excellent health, Your Highness. -And, you seem in excellent health, Your Highness. Ah, well, my dear Madame de Montesquiou, peace of mind can eventually be a substitute for happiness. -Ah, how nice to meet you, General Bonaparte. One has read so much about you lately. Please sit down. Thank you, Madame de Beauharnais. You probably don't recall but we met briefly a few months ago, at a party at Paul's house. -Thank you, Madame de Beauharnais. You probably don't recall but we met briefly a few months ago, at a party at Paul's house. Oh... yes, of course! Have you met my daughter, Hortense? -Oh... yes, of course! Have you met my daughter, Hortense? Yes, we introduced ourselves at the door. -Yes, we introduced ourselves at the door. May I offer you a drink? -May I offer you a drink? Oh, I don't want to put you to any inconvenience. -Oh, I don't want to put you to any inconvenience. Oh, it's not the slightest inconvenience, General Bonaparte. It is an honor to have you here. -Oh, it's not the slightest inconvenience, General Bonaparte. It is an honor to have you here. You are very kind, Madame de Beauharnais. Do you have some sherry, perhaps? -You are very kind, Madame de Beauharnais. Do you have some sherry, perhaps? Yes, of course. Hortense, darling, will you tell Louise to bring some sherry? -I hope you will forgive me for barging in on you like this, Madame de Beauharnais. I called to bring this to your son, but I understand from your charming daughter that he is out for the afternoon. Yes, I'm afraid he is. I believe he is riding. I know he'll be heartbroken to have missed you. -Yes, I'm afraid he is. I believe he is riding. I know he'll be heartbroken to have missed you. Well, I'm sure that you will be just as pleased to have this as he will be. -Oh... how very nice of you to bring that for Eugene... Did General de Beauharnais give it to you? No, I'm afraid I never had the pleasure of meeting the General. This sword was taken several days ago from your son by some of my soldiers. -No, I'm afraid I never had the pleasure of meeting the General. This sword was taken several days ago from your son by some of my soldiers. Oh, you must forgive me, General Bonaparte, I'm afraid you will think me incredibly stupid but I know absolutely nothing about this. Eugene is so independent -- he hardly tells me anything any more, and he has so many things in his room, I must confess I wasn't even aware that he had this sword -- you know how boys can be! -Were you in love with him? I thought I was. I was confused. -I thought I was. I was confused. And now? -And now? Now, I know that I shall die if you leave me. -Now, I know that I shall die if you leave me. Do you expect me to believe that? -Do you expect me to believe that? Yes. -And you, are you in love with any one else? No. -No. But you have had mistresses while you were away. -But you have had mistresses while you were away. Of course. -Of course. Were you in love with any of them? -Were you in love with any of them? No. -No. Were they pretty? -Were they pretty? Yes. -Yes. Were any of them prettier than I am? -Were any of them prettier than I am? One had better legs. -One had better legs. Were any of them married? -Were any of them married? Yes. They were the easiest. I made love to one of them within ten minutes of our first meeting. -Yes. They were the easiest. I made love to one of them within ten minutes of our first meeting. She must have been in love with you. -She must have been in love with you. Not in the least. After all, what is adultery -- only a brief transaction on a couch, requiring a few minutes of privacy. -Promise me you will never leave me. I cannot promise you that. -I cannot promise you that. Promise me. -Promise me. I will never forgive you. -I will never forgive you. I don't care, but promise you will never leave me. -I don't care, but promise you will never leave me. I don't understand you. -I don't understand you. Promise. -Promise. Promises mean nothing. -Promises mean nothing. Perhaps -- but tell me you promise, anyway. -Perhaps -- but tell me you promise, anyway. All right -- I promise. -All right -- I promise. You are my old friend. -Yes -- what is it? Open the door. It's me. -Open the door. It's me. Go away -- I'm busy. -Go away -- I'm busy. I know what you're doing in there. -I know what you're doing in there. Don't be ridiculous and go away -- I'm busy working. -Don't be ridiculous and go away -- I'm busy working. Where is Madame Trillaud? -Where is Madame Trillaud? How should I know. Ask Roquier -- he's cleaning her dress. -How should I know. Ask Roquier -- he's cleaning her dress. What are you doing in there? -What are you doing in there? Oh -- now, this is absolutely ridiculous! If you don't want to be humiliated in front of your guests, you will return to the table at once. -Oh -- now, this is absolutely ridiculous! If you don't want to be humiliated in front of your guests, you will return to the table at once. Will you be joining us, soon? -Will you be joining us, soon? I will be there in five minutes. Go back to your guests. -I will be there in five minutes. Go back to your guests. Five minutes. -Five minutes. Yes!! -Yes!! Five minutes. -Five minutes. Goodbye. -Separate bedrooms? Yes. -Yes. But you will not... be safe... -But you will not... be safe... Not be safe? What on earth are you talking about? -Not be safe? What on earth are you talking about? In case of a... surprise attack... at night... I am such a... light sleeper... I could wake you... I could scream. -Who is it? It's me. -I didn't mean the things that I said... I was angry and I said more than I meant to. Oh, my darling. I'm sorry, too. I won't do that again -- whatever you do. I won't cause you any more embarrassment, I promise. -Oh -- I didn't tell you... I've seen Dr. Corvisart, and he was very reassuring and encouraging. He has had excellent results with the waters of Plombiers, and he thinks it would be a good idea for me to spend a few weeks there. Apparently, he sent Madame Le Floch there last year, and she gave birth to twins. Indeed -- well, you may tell Dr. Corvisart, I should be entirely satisfied with half her success. -No, one cannot simply ignore it. I am afraid, then, I have to ask you both, Joseph as my brother, and Junot as my good friend, whether or not you know anything about this, or whether you saw anything at all during the trip which might make you suspect some truth to it. -I believe you sent for me. Yes, yes, please sit down. I will be with you in a moment. -God damn it, Junot, wouldn't you think I have enough things on my mind not to waste time on a letter like this to Joseph? There's probably some explanation. -There's probably some explanation. Yes, I'm sure he's been too busy chasing his whores to be bothered about my wife. -Well, anyway, sorry to call you away from the festivities, but where is the breakdown on serviceable vehicles? I asked for it yesterday. I gave it to Berthier... this afternoon. -I gave it to Berthier... this afternoon. Why did you give it to him? -Why did you give it to him? I thought he would be seeing you before I would, and would give it to you. -I thought he would be seeing you before I would, and would give it to you. Well, he didn't give it to me, and when I ask you to do something for me, return the work to me, not to Berthier. -Well, he didn't give it to me, and when I ask you to do something for me, return the work to me, not to Berthier. I'm sorry, I thought he would give it to you. -I'm sorry, I thought he would give it to you. I must have the breakdown now. Where is Berthier? -I must have the breakdown now. Where is Berthier? He's downstairs -- somewhere. -He's downstairs -- somewhere. All right, thank you. Please ask him to come here. -Yes... but, first, can I say something to you, as a friend? Certainly. -Certainly. I know that I shouldn't butt into things... that are really no concern of mine... but you shouldn't write a letter like that to Joseph. -I know that I shouldn't butt into things... that are really no concern of mine... but you shouldn't write a letter like that to Joseph. Why not? -Why not? Well, maybe he's only looking out for your best interests. -Well, maybe he's only looking out for your best interests. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Nothing. That's all I can say. -Nothing. That's all I can say. That's all you can say? What are you talking about? -That's all you can say? What are you talking about? That's all I can say. -That's all I can say. Now, just a minute. You have just very clearly implied that there is a reason why Joseph should not give my wife the money which I left for her. I can't possibly allow a remark like that to go without explanation. -Now, just a minute. You have just very clearly implied that there is a reason why Joseph should not give my wife the money which I left for her. I can't possibly allow a remark like that to go without explanation. Let's just say, he looks after your interests. -Look, Junot, you aren't going to leave this room until you explain yourself. There are some things... better left unsaid. -There are some things... better left unsaid. You mean about my wife?! You mean there are some things better left unsaid about Josephine?! -What the hell is the matter with you? I didn't want to hurt you... All I wanted to do was to keep from hurting you. I swear I didn't want to hurt you. -I didn't want to hurt you... All I wanted to do was to keep from hurting you. I swear I didn't want to hurt you. Well, whatever the hell you wanted to do, you are going to tell me everything right now. Do you understand?! -Well, whatever the hell you wanted to do, you are going to tell me everything right now. Do you understand?! You know that... letter you showed me in Milan -- the one about Hippolyte Charles? -You know that... letter you showed me in Milan -- the one about Hippolyte Charles? Yes. -Yes. I wrote it. -I wrote it. What? -What? Yes, I wrote it. -Yes, I wrote it. You wrote it. -You wrote it. I couldn't face telling you. -I couldn't face telling you. You couldn't face telling me what? -You couldn't face telling me what? About Hippolyte Charles. -About Hippolyte Charles. What was there to tell? -What was there to tell? My God, what do you think? -My God, what do you think? Do you know what you're saying? -Do you know what you're saying? God help me -- yes. -God help me -- yes. How do you know? -How do you know? I know. -I know. How do you know? -I was in her maid's room at an inn we stopped at for the night, outside of Dijon. It was an adjoining room to Madame Bonaparte's. Yes? -You could hear them? Yes. -You mean you heard them making love? Yes. -How did you know it was Captain Charles? I questioned the maid, and she admitted Charles had been Madame Bonaparte's lover for several months. -I questioned the maid, and she admitted Charles had been Madame Bonaparte's lover for several months. Can you give me a drink, please? -Can you give me a drink, please? Yes, of course. What do you want? -I wanted to kill him but Joseph convinced me it would be a mistake. He said people would say you hadn't the courage to deal with it yourself. And was it so widely known that Joseph had reason for such concern? -And was it so widely known that Joseph had reason for such concern? I believe so. I believe Madame Bonaparte was not discreet, in Paris. -Good day, monsieur. Do you think it is possible for you to tell your driver to stop ringing that bell? My regrets, my dear Major, but I believe you have been blocking the road. -My regrets, my dear Major, but I believe you have been blocking the road. Are you trying to provoke me, monsieur? -Are you trying to provoke me, monsieur? No, Major, I merely wish to state that your vehicle appears to be somewhat slower and heavier than mine, and point out that, if you would be kind enough to pull over to one side of the road, I could pass you and be on my way. -No, Major, I merely wish to state that your vehicle appears to be somewhat slower and heavier than mine, and point out that, if you would be kind enough to pull over to one side of the road, I could pass you and be on my way. May I inform you, monsieur, that I am Major Fidon, official courier to the court of the Emperor Napoleon, on my way to our Embassy at St. Petersburg and, in accordance with the rules of the road, no one may overtake or pass me. -May I inform you, monsieur, that I am Major Fidon, official courier to the court of the Emperor Napoleon, on my way to our Embassy at St. Petersburg and, in accordance with the rules of the road, no one may overtake or pass me. Before you quote the rules of the road to me, Major, may I point out to you that you are not in France now, but that you are a guest in Russia. -Before you quote the rules of the road to me, Major, may I point out to you that you are not in France now, but that you are a guest in Russia. If I have given you any cause to be insulted, monsieur, may I offer you immediate satisfaction? -If I have given you any cause to be insulted, monsieur, may I offer you immediate satisfaction? If you wish to put things on that basis, then I will say good day to you, monsieur. -Good evening, ladies. You must forgive me, my dearest wife, but I simply could not wait to see you. Oh, then you are... -Oh, then you are... Yes, my dearest Marie-Louise, I am your husband. -And, where did you see my portrait? Ah, you must forgive me, my dearest Marie-Louise, I saw it during one of my stays at your palace -- at Schonbrunn. -And, you, my dear wife, do you find that I resemble my portraits? You are much younger, and much more handsome, than your pictures. -Do you like music? Yes, I do -- very much. -Yes, I do -- very much. Will I be able to play the harp? It is an instrument of which I am very fond. -Will I be able to play the harp? It is an instrument of which I am very fond. Of course, my dear. -Of course, my dear. You are so good to me. Will you also allow me to have a botanical garden? -You are so good to me. Will you also allow me to have a botanical garden? You may have anything you wish, my sweet and lovely Marie-Louise. -You may have anything you wish, my sweet and lovely Marie-Louise. I am told that Fontainebleau has many lovely views. I know nothing more interesting than a lovely countryside. -I am told that Fontainebleau has many lovely views. I know nothing more interesting than a lovely countryside. I am sure you will enjoy the French countryside. -I am sure you will enjoy the French countryside. I hope you have patience with me. I do not know how to dance the quadrille but, if you desire it, I will learn. -I hope you have patience with me. I do not know how to dance the quadrille but, if you desire it, I will learn. I only desire what gives you pleasure, my dearest. -I only desire what gives you pleasure, my dearest. Will it be possible to have my dog, Bijou, sent here? I was not allowed to bring her and I love her so much. -Will it be possible to have my dog, Bijou, sent here? I was not allowed to bring her and I love her so much. Of course, my dear -- how cruel to have been separated from her. And how strange it must be for you to be here, away from your family and everything you know. -Of course, my dear -- how cruel to have been separated from her. And how strange it must be for you to be here, away from your family and everything you know. Oh, no, I am very happy. But you must have patience with me... I know nothing at all of what a wife must know. And I know nothing about men. My papa has never allowed me even to have a pet of the male gender. -Oh, no, I am very happy. But you must have patience with me... I know nothing at all of what a wife must know. And I know nothing about men. My papa has never allowed me even to have a pet of the male gender. Did the Emperor or Empress give you any... instructions of any kind... before you left? -Did the Emperor or Empress give you any... instructions of any kind... before you left? Papa said only to comply with any request you might make of me. -Papa said only to comply with any request you might make of me. Oh, my dearest child -- you must not worry about anything. I will teach you everything that you must know. -Do you know the joke about the two Swiss boys who go to a bordello for the first time? No. -No. Well, two nice little Swiss boys, who are virgins, decide they will save up their money and go to a bordello. -Article 46, calls for the virtual dismemberment of Prussia, reducing her population by half and her army to a token force. Does she deserve anything better? -Does she deserve anything better? Those are extremely harsh terms. -Those are extremely harsh terms. I did not ask her to go to war against me. -I did not ask her to go to war against me. Has Alexander agreed to this? -Has Alexander agreed to this? Yes, he has. -"Now, the section headed ""Secret Clauses of the Treaty"" -- Article 14b, provides for Alexander to serve as mediator between France and England and, if he fails to achieve a preliminary agreement within four months, it further provides that Russia is to go to war against England, and close her ports to English trade." That is correct. -That is correct. Do you think Alexander has any chance to succeed as a mediator? -Do you think Alexander has any chance to succeed as a mediator? I very seriously doubt it. I don't think there is any possibility of making peace with England so long as she sees herself safe from invasion. That is why we must increase the pressure on her economy. With Russia in the Continental Blockade, England must collapse. More than 40% of her trade is with the Continent and Russia. -I very seriously doubt it. I don't think there is any possibility of making peace with England so long as she sees herself safe from invasion. That is why we must increase the pressure on her economy. With Russia in the Continental Blockade, England must collapse. More than 40% of her trade is with the Continent and Russia. England can make no move against you on the Continent without Austria. A reliable treaty with Austria would end her hopes in that regard. -England can make no move against you on the Continent without Austria. A reliable treaty with Austria would end her hopes in that regard. We have a treaty with Austria. -We have a treaty with Austria. Not one I should like to rely on. Francis is still smarting under the terms he had to accept after Austerlitz, and he is under great pressure to recover his losses. -Not one I should like to rely on. Francis is still smarting under the terms he had to accept after Austerlitz, and he is under great pressure to recover his losses. My dear Talleyrand, none of the Kings of Europe bear any friendship for France. It is easy for you to talk of reliable treaties. The only treaties you have been able to negotiate are the ones I have won on the battlefield. -My dear Talleyrand, none of the Kings of Europe bear any friendship for France. It is easy for you to talk of reliable treaties. The only treaties you have been able to negotiate are the ones I have won on the battlefield. What I am talking about is moderation. -What I am talking about is moderation. What you are talking about is a gamble on moderation -- when I gamble, I prefer to gamble on force. -What you are talking about is a gamble on moderation -- when I gamble, I prefer to gamble on force. And where do you place Alexander? -And where do you place Alexander? Alexander and I are friends. We have reached an understanding. -Alexander and I are friends. We have reached an understanding. I hope that understanding is worth as much as you think it is, sire. My impression of Alexander is that he is moody and impressionable, capable of acting on sudden impulses which then lead to sudden embarrassments. He is an unpredictable mixture of idealism and vanity. You have dazzled him, and you have performed a diplomatic miracle, but Alexander is weak and he is easily influenced by the last one who has his ear. -I hope that understanding is worth as much as you think it is, sire. My impression of Alexander is that he is moody and impressionable, capable of acting on sudden impulses which then lead to sudden embarrassments. He is an unpredictable mixture of idealism and vanity. You have dazzled him, and you have performed a diplomatic miracle, but Alexander is weak and he is easily influenced by the last one who has his ear. That is a matter of opinion. -That is a matter of opinion. Sire, you have only enemies in the court of St. Petersburg, and I fear outside your influence, Alexander will have another look at what he has agreed to. -Sire, you have only enemies in the court of St. Petersburg, and I fear outside your influence, Alexander will have another look at what he has agreed to. He will stand by his agreement -- I know him better than you do. -Good day to our brothers-in-arms. Have you come to join us? I am looking for Monsieur George Varlac who resides in the Rue de Frelicot. Do you know him, monsieur? -I am looking for Monsieur George Varlac who resides in the Rue de Frelicot. Do you know him, monsieur? Very well, Citizen Lieutenant. You have come to the right place, for I am Citizen Varlac. -A revolution is not a polite discussion in a parlor, Citizen Lieutenant. One does not call it murder to kill such vermin. You may save your philosophy for the magistrate, Monsieur Varlac. I am only a simple officer in the army, and to me what you have done is called murder, and his always been called murder by honest men. -You may save your philosophy for the magistrate, Monsieur Varlac. I am only a simple officer in the army, and to me what you have done is called murder, and his always been called murder by honest men. Then do you propose to arrest all of us, Citizen Lieutenant? For I was not there alone. -Then do you propose to arrest all of us, Citizen Lieutenant? For I was not there alone. No, Monsieur Varlac, my warrant is only for you. Now, will you please come down at once. You will be taken back to Chalon for trial. -Citizen Lieutenant, my advice is to leave this town at once with your men. We do not wish to do harm to our brothers in uniform. Monsieur Varlac, do not pretend to speak for these good people whom you have misled and inflamed with violent speech. Now, I order you to come down from the cart. -I suggest that you leave with your men while you can. Monsieur Varlac, I will count slowly to five, and if you have not begun to get down from the cart by then, I will carry out your execution, on the spot. -What did you say his name was? Eugene de Beauharnais. -Eugene de Beauharnais. Is he alone? -Is he alone? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Show him in. -Come in. Major Lavallette to see you, General. -Major Lavallette to see you, General. Send him in. -Come in. A message from Citizen Fouche. -A message from Citizen Fouche. Let me have it. -Come in. Citizen Bourrienne to see you, sir. -Citizen Bourrienne to see you, sir. Send him in. -Napoleon was born at Ajaccio in Corsica on August 15th, 1769. He had not been a healthy baby and his mother, Letizia, lavished him with care and devotion. In middle age, he would write about her from St. Helena. My mother has always loved me. She would do anything for me. -His moods at this time were complex and varied. Life is a burden for me. Nothing gives me any pleasure; I find only sadness in everything around me. It is very difficult because the ways of those with whom I live, and probably always shall live, are as different from mine as moonlight is from sunlight. -He made friends with a family called Columbier, and would later write of his first flirtation with their daughter, Caroline. It will scarcely be considered credible, perhaps, but our whole business consisted in eating cherries together. -Napoleon would soon arouse the resentment of the Directory in Paris, exceeding his authority, making political decisions and treaties like a Roman Conqueror, enlarging his role to ruler of Italy. Only his tremendous success and ever increasing popularity prevented the Directory from replacing him. From that moment on, I foresaw what I might be. Already I felt the earth flee beneath me, as if I were being carried away up to the sky. -"On December 2, 1804, Napoleon was made Emperor of France. He would later say: ""I found the crown lying in the gutter and I picked it up.""" Duroc, I have a bill here for 600,000 francs from Tirot, for building the Imperial throne and six decorated arm-chairs. The amount is absurd -- and, at least twice too much. -Led by the warlike Queen Louisa, and her fashion-minded husband, King Frederich Wilhelm, the Prussians still believed themselves cast in the mold of Frederick the Great, and more than a match for Napoleon. The King had a special collection of 60 splendid uniforms, and was personally involved in the design of all the Prussian army uniforms. If the French army had been commanded at Jena and Auerstadt by a tailor, the King of Prussia would certainly have gained the day. -I know Alexander. His imagination must be struck by some great, bold, powerful stroke, and he will come back to me, just as he did at Friedland. With his army of 400,000 men in concealed bivouacs, on a ten mile front, in the forests, bordering the banks of the Vistula river, Napoleon conducted a last minute personal reconnaissance, disguised in the uniform of a Polish lancer. -On January 1st, 1814, France itself was invaded. Now, with a small army of raw recruits, Napoleon would have to face the powerful combination of England, Russia, Prussia and Austria, operating against him together, for the first time. The balance of numbers had tilted irretrievably against him. A year ago, the whole of Europe was marching alongside of us. Today, the whole of Europe is marching against us. -Okay, I know what I want this time. Anything you need. -Anything you need. Yo' cousin, Craig. Hook us up. -Yo' cousin, Craig. Hook us up. That's it? -That's it? Just tell him to come over here and talk to me. -Just tell him to come over here and talk to me. And I can go free? -And I can go free? Go, fo' I change my mind. -Hey, Debo, heard you running from a ass- whippin'? Naw, it ain't like that. -Naw, it ain't like that. If you see that boy again, bite off his ear off like Mike Tyson. -If you see that boy again, bite off his ear off like Mike Tyson. Alright, I'll remember that. -Alright, I'll remember that. You know me? I would've shot his big ass. Hey, Willie, how's it going? Still steppin' in dog shit every day? -Send Betty my love. Boy you looking good. I'mma take these in the house for you, man... and when you finish with this cat, come inside. I got something to show you. Thanks, Unc. -Man, that girl's gonna kill me one day. Viagra ain't working. My back keep going out... she don't never get enough. But check this out. I got to lay some ground rules. Your my family and I love you. You're welcome to anything you want in my home. But I don't wanna catch you in the refrigerator or in my Suga bowl... you feel me knocking? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, let me in. -Well, let me in. Uncle Elroy, who's that girl by Day-Day's car? -Yeah, you gotta have a little money to live out here, Craig. I never thought I'd be the kinda nigga to move to the suburbs. But as soon as I got my check, I was gone. Paid 230 thousand dollars cash on this house. You paid cash? -You paid cash? Cash money. They wasn't gonna stick me with no 30-year payment plan. That's for suckas. They got my daddy like that for a Cadillac years ago. I got the only house on the block that's paid for. That's why I'm the king around here. -It's cool, but where's the water? Don't need water. We didn't have no pool in the projects...so none of us swim. -Don't need water. We didn't have no pool in the projects...so none of us swim. Y'all never use it? -Y'all never use it? Never... But me and Suga can get real nasty in that Jacuzzi, though. -That's okay, Unc. I can't swim, either. Good. -I know you smoke weed, right? Why you say that? -Why you say that? 'Cause your lips is getting black. -Negro, what the hell you doing to my woman? I don't know! -I don't know! Suga! -I don't know, I think I passed out or something. I don't remember. Passed out? Can't hang, huh? Boy, I knew you was a lightweight. Passed out on one funky ass blunt. They don't make 'em like they used to, baby. -No. Thought he was with you. Daddy, Uncle Elroy, I need your help. -Me, too. You think they're in there? Yup. -That's a nice piece of heat right there. Thank you. I only got two bullets in the mothafucka, but it's better than nothing. -Stretch it out. Don't move me. -Who are you? I'm his cousin. -We didn't come here for Day-Day. Yes you did. -Yes you did. No we didn't. We came to buy a CD. -Where's that boy that told me Day-Day was here? I don't know... I think he went out the back. -I don't know... I think he went out the back. Can I look for myself? -Where you going? Ain't the rest room this way? I gotta pee. -No I'm not. I'll do it. -Great moves, Day-Day. What happen? -What you mean talk to her? You know what he mean, dude. -You know what he mean, dude. I'm gone. -For sure. That's how I like 'em. Not me. -Yeah it is...the best day before the weekend. That's fuckin' poetic, Craig. -What's the green stuff poking out? That's cron-don, sir. My mom hates for me to smoke, so she made me bud-brownies. Wanna bite? -That's cron-don, sir. My mom hates for me to smoke, so she made me bud-brownies. Wanna bite? Naw, I already ate. -Naw, I already ate. Come on, Day, try it. For moms. -Sorry, bro, reflexes. How did you do that? Black magic. -Me neither. It's something in that hydraulic pump. -It's about to work, just come on. What about the dog? -Dude, dogs hate me. I don't know why. Me and K-9's just don't get along. Well get along with this one. Go ahead of us. Don't get seen and don't let that mutt out of your sight. -Well get along with this one. Go ahead of us. Don't get seen and don't let that mutt out of your sight. Fuck, what's his name? -Fuck, what's his name? Cheeco. -I ain't trying to rob you... Shut up! Fo' I pump this Glock in yo' ass! What did you do wit Day-Day and Roach? -Shut up! Fo' I pump this Glock in yo' ass! What did you do wit Day-Day and Roach? Man, Day-Day is my people! -Man, Day-Day is my people! I said shut up! Now who sent you? -I said shut up! Now who sent you? Nobody! -Nobody! If you say another word, it's over. I'm not playing! -Shut up. I been trying to tell yo' ass that... Day-Day is my cousin. They're right there in the back. Whatever you say, man. I didn't see shit. The safe combination is 34-5-27. Just take it all. -What's crackin'? You. Hi, Uncle Willie. -You know it's been over a year since we kicked it last? Up at the family reunion. I know, that's when Uncle Elroy cussed out everybody, and threw up in Aunt Faye's backseat. -Yep. I forgot about him cussin' out everybody. Damn that was fun. I know, we had a good time. But ever since you guys moved out here, it seems like we've lost touch. -I know, we had a good time. But ever since you guys moved out here, it seems like we've lost touch. I know; this a long way from Watts. But what I like about living out here is that you don't hear no helicopters, no sirens, no drive-by's, no nothing. Just peace and quiet. Listen. -Who is that? Joker, he just got out of the pen. Li'l Joker, he just got out of Youth Authority. And Baby Joker, he just got out of Juvenile Hall. -Joker, he just got out of the pen. Li'l Joker, he just got out of Youth Authority. And Baby Joker, he just got out of Juvenile Hall. They ever let you hit the switches on that Cadillac? -They ever let you hit the switches on that Cadillac? Naw, them dudes is assholes. Especially that dog - Cheeco. Watch this little ass, he's sneaky. Plus, I got something better than a Cadillac. -This you? Yeah, that's me. Just a little somethin' somethin' I picked up. -Yeah, that's me. Just a little somethin' somethin' I picked up. Must be nice. I wish we won the lottery. Come up on a million dollars like ya'll. -Must be nice. I wish we won the lottery. Come up on a million dollars like ya'll. Man, after taxes, lawyer fees, and paying off my daddy's bad credit, we didn't end up with a million. We bought this house and I spent the rest on this. It's the bomb, huh? -Man, after taxes, lawyer fees, and paying off my daddy's bad credit, we didn't end up with a million. We bought this house and I spent the rest on this. It's the bomb, huh? This my baby. I feel like a new nigga in this car. I get mo' phone numbers rollin' this, than I ever did on the bus. -Man, this a cool house. Thanks, I just wish my mother had a chance to see it. -Go on and make yourself at home. I'mma go get dressed for work. Oh, yeah, where you work at? -Oh, yeah, where you work at? Pinky's Records and Disc in the shopping center. I'mma talk to my boss and see if he got a little position for you. 'Cause you been unemployed for a long time now, Craig. -Pinky's Records and Disc in the shopping center. I'mma talk to my boss and see if he got a little position for you. 'Cause you been unemployed for a long time now, Craig. Thanks for reminding me. -I can't see! I can't see! Daddy! Lay down, Day-Day. Stop moving. -She pepper-sprayed me, man! She pepper- sprayed me! I know, be still. -You straight? Yeah, I'm alright. Is my face still orange to you? -Just a little. I can't taste nothing. -I can't taste nothing. What's the matter with your girlfriend? -What's the matter with your girlfriend? Man, it's a long story. I met D'Wana three months ago. She had a little pudge in her stomach but I didn't pay it no attention. Come to find out, she six months pregnant. Saying I'm the daddy! -Man, it's a long story. I met D'Wana three months ago. She had a little pudge in her stomach but I didn't pay it no attention. Come to find out, she six months pregnant. Saying I'm the daddy! What? -What? Yeah, I broke up with her two Fridays ago and she's been harassing me ever since. She don't care about the restraining order or nothing. -Yeah, I broke up with her two Fridays ago and she's been harassing me ever since. She don't care about the restraining order or nothing. Restraining order? Where the hell you meet this girl? -Restraining order? Where the hell you meet this girl? I went back to Watts to sell my old car and met her on the way. Worst day of my life. -I went back to Watts to sell my old car and met her on the way. Worst day of my life. Damn, you got a stalker. -Damn, you got a stalker. That ain't the worst part. Her little sister, Baby D. She's the one that gets real physical. But I got a restraining order on her, too. -That ain't the worst part. Her little sister, Baby D. She's the one that gets real physical. But I got a restraining order on her, too. You got a restraining order on a little girl named Baby D? -You got a restraining order on a little girl named Baby D? You don't know Baby D. -Who is that? That's the sister. -That's the sister. Yo know what? I'm starting to like Rancho Cucamonga. -Yo know what? I'm starting to like Rancho Cucamonga. I know what 'cha thinking. I thought the same thing. But it can't happen. -I know what 'cha thinking. I thought the same thing. But it can't happen. Why? -Why? Because, it's been a little tension between us ever since they got out the joint and ran their momma crazy. And I'm just trying to keep the peace. We moved out here to get away from that shit. -So. What you mean, so? -What you mean, so? If you 'get into it' with them S.A.'s and start a feud, you can always go back to home. I gotta live here. Just remember that. -I walked. You walked? -You walked? Yeah, ya'll got a notice today. It came certified mail. -You know what this is? Yeah, that's why I walked down here. -How can they do this? I don't know. Did ya'll forget to pay it or something? -It says we owe $3,900...by tomorrow. Damn...how much money ya'll got left from the lottery? -$247. Okay, plan B. -What's the matter? D'Wana brought Baby'D up here. -I ain't trying to get in it. You already in. -You better stop running from that girl. Fuuuuuuck -- U! -Thanks a lot, Craig. I know we cousins and all, but don't try an' hook me up with the big little sisters. -I know we cousins and all, but don't try an' hook me up with the big little sisters. Big bitches need love, too, Craig. -I didn't think you smoked bud that much. I don't. -You better open up a window or something before the smell gets out. Ain't no windows in here. -Blow. That ain't gonna work. -It works. Still gonna smell it. -This vacuum don't work. Where's the restroom? Out the door and to the left. -Craig, what the hell are you doing? Nothing. -What we gonna do? I don't know yet. -Alright, Roach, see you around. Sorry about today, man. -You see that? I didn't see nothing. -Yeah, air. Naw. I bet'cha it's something better than air. -Naw. I bet'cha it's something better than air. How you know? It could be anything. -How you know? It could be anything. I don't know, and it could be anything. But I just say we go take a look. -Man, I don't think I can do this, Craig. I got the B-G's. What's the B-G's? -What's the B-G's? The bubble guts. I'm so nervous it feels like I'mma shit on myself. -You make it sound so easy. It is easy. You know why? 'Cause they're not expecting it. Now, Roach, you gotta occupy Cheeco. Long enough for me and Day-Day to take a good look. -You go first. Naw, you go first. -Naw, you go first. You go first. -You go first. No. -No. Day-Day, if you don't hop that fence I'mma throw you over. -Day-Day, if you don't hop that fence I'mma throw you over. I ain't scared of you. We ain't little no more. -I hope to God that dog is happy. Me too. -Wait. Wait for what? -What you see? That pump was full of money. I saw where they put it. Stay right here, I'mma climb in and go get it. -That pump was full of money. I saw where they put it. Stay right here, I'mma climb in and go get it. Wait here? So Cheeco can bite my ass off? Tell me where it is I'll do it. -Wait here? So Cheeco can bite my ass off? Tell me where it is I'll do it. No, man, just wait. -You're welcome, Unc. What about me? -You sure you don't wanna stay? Naw, I'm got live ghetto fabulous. make sure you get that car fixed. -Naw, I'm got live ghetto fabulous. make sure you get that car fixed. I will. When can I come visit? -I will. When can I come visit? I don't know. Probably next Friday. -Karla. Craig and Karla, damn that sound pretty good together. Where you going? -Craig and Karla, damn that sound pretty good together. Where you going? To the Cucamonga shopping center. -To the Cucamonga shopping center. Oh yeah, why you walking? -Oh yeah, why you walking? My brothers won't give me a ride. -You want us to give you a ride? I don't know. -I don't know. What you mean, you don't know? Just wait here. -Hello, remember me? Hell yeah, I remember you. -Hell yeah, I remember you. I'm sorry for what my brother did this morning. They're assholes. -I'm sorry for what my brother did this morning. They're assholes. It's cool. You ain't got to apologize for your brothers. They're big boys. -It's cool. You ain't got to apologize for your brothers. They're big boys. I just wanted to give you this. -Most definitely. Better sooner than later. -Huh? What are you doing here? -What are you doing here? I hope you don't think I'm crazy, but I just had to come in here and show you I ain't scared of yo' punk ass brothers...and you wouldn't have be scared of 'em neither if you had a man like me in yo' life. -I hope you don't think I'm crazy, but I just had to come in here and show you I ain't scared of yo' punk ass brothers...and you wouldn't have be scared of 'em neither if you had a man like me in yo' life. What?? So you snuck in my room to tell me that? -What?? So you snuck in my room to tell me that? Yes I did. Excuse me. -You did all this for me? Most of it. I just hate to see you in this situation. -Most of it. I just hate to see you in this situation. Thanks for noticing. It used ta be peaceful before they got out. Took over the house and caused my mother's nervous breakdown. -Thanks for noticing. It used ta be peaceful before they got out. Took over the house and caused my mother's nervous breakdown. Why didn't she put'em out? -Why didn't she put'em out? Easier said than done. We saved up to get away from them, but they followed us. -Easier said than done. We saved up to get away from them, but they followed us. I'm sorry to hear that. -I did. Is that door locked? It's locked. -It's locked. Make sure. -I got my cousin Day-Day waiting for me. So what? Let's make'em wait. -Next time, page me first. Okay. -You alright? Yeah, I'm cool. See you later. -Delivery! Hold on. -Delivery! I said hold on! -I said hold on! Could you hurry up, please... it's kinda hot out here. -Can I help you? Nice house. Didn't expect you to answer. You must be one of those entertainers. What team you play for? -Nice house. Didn't expect you to answer. You must be one of those entertainers. What team you play for? I don't play for no team. -I don't play for no team. Come on, jerky, you can tell me. Got a white wife, huh? Blonde bombshell type. Remember what happen to O.J... what team do you play for? You're not related to the Jacksons, are you? -Come on, jerky, you can tell me. Got a white wife, huh? Blonde bombshell type. Remember what happen to O.J... what team do you play for? You're not related to the Jacksons, are you? Naw, I play for the Chocamunga Cracker Killers. You want tickets? -Naw, I play for the Chocamunga Cracker Killers. You want tickets? Okay, buddy. Don't send your entourage out here to do a 187 on me. It's just a certified mail delivery. -What is it? Delinquent Property Tax Notice... I hope the Cracker Killers pay well 'cause if not, back to the ghetto you go. Wife stays here, of course. -I'll be out in about 35-40 minutes! Hurry up; today is Fri-day! And we gotta hit the high-way! -Here I come! Well bring yo' ass on... -What's the matter? I fell in some mud. Now hurry up! -That nigga worst than them damn pit bulldogs or something! That's why moving wit'cha Uncle Elroy and Cousin Day-Day is the best thing for you right now. Ya'll making me look like a punk. -Ya'll making me look like a punk. It ain't about being a punk, son. It's about this... -Must be your upper lip, 'cause I don't smell nothing. I do. -I do. What it smell like? -What it smell like? Smells like you didn't fall in no mud. -I gotta get'em fixed. They don't roll down. All damn. -All damn. Just hold your breath. -Nice neighborhood, huh? It's alright. -It's alright. 18-years of chasing dogs; and my lazy ass brother hits the lotto his first time playing. I still can't figure that one out. -18-years of chasing dogs; and my lazy ass brother hits the lotto his first time playing. I still can't figure that one out. Why they got to have the loudest house on the block! -You coming in? No, I'mma go on to work. I don't wanna hear Elroy's mouth. Now listen to me, Craig. It's gonna be different living over here. Don't let your uncle and your cousin get you into no shit. Understand? -No, I'mma go on to work. I don't wanna hear Elroy's mouth. Now listen to me, Craig. It's gonna be different living over here. Don't let your uncle and your cousin get you into no shit. Understand? Hey, Pops, I'm grown. Can't nobody get me in trouble no more. -Craig, remember what I told you. I'll remember. -Hold up, Elroy, that's my boy. Craig, what the hell wrong with you? Where you been? Have you seen Day-Day? -You see that? I saw it. -Two bullets? Yo' ass ain't changed. Back in the day, all I had was a stick. Come on. -Nigga, you got knock the fuck out. Yeah, pops! -You too. Smokin' what? -Smokin' what? Nothing. -My name is Miss Ho Kym. Day-Day just trying to be a smart ass. Nice to meet you, Craig. Are you 'bout it, 'bout it? Excuse me? -Excuse me? I said...are you 'bout it, 'bout it -- rowdy, rowdy? -Yeah, I'm 'bout it. Well, then, it's all good. Yo, Day-Day, something is going down with those Mexicans across the street? I've been seeing a lot of activity. -What kind of activity? Strange activity. I think they running drugs off Tijuana. Day-Day don't believe me. -See you later, Day-Day. Come by after work, I got the John Blaze shit for you. Nice to meet you? -Nice to meet you? Peace out, Craig. -Why for? Them boys are real player haters. It's a long story. Right now we gotta do somethin'. -I can't get jiggy with this shit. Where is the damn manager? Sir, the manager stepped out for a moment. I'm currently running the store. Can I see the CD? -No, give me my damn money back. Right now, and I don't have no damn receipt neither. Okay, sir...but where's the cover? -Okay, sir...but where's the cover? I don't have no damn cover. -I can't give you your damn money back on this. Bullshit! I'll go postal in this mothafucka! -Bullshit! I'll go postal in this mothafucka! Well, you gonna have to go postal then. -Look, Roach, I know you ain't never worked in a record shop before and you're a little excited. But if Pinky catches you doing that X-Games shit off his counter top, we both getting fired. You feel me? I feel you. I've just been practicing that one move all week. I thought that was it. -Did you see that? That was a W.W.F. hit right there, huh, Day-Day? Yeah, it was. How you get up here? -Craig, this Roach. Roach, this is my cousin, Craig. What up, bro? -What it say? Ever since my momma died the bills are always late. -What is it? Don't worry about it, man. Get the phone. -That the big one, huh? You damn right that's the big one. -What was that? You don't wanna know. -Are they still out there? Negative...they vamped. -Today ain't my day. Bummer, huh? And Friday is suppose to be a kick-ass day. -I do. Damn nigga, don't Jack the joint. I didn't even pass it. -Damn nigga, don't Jack the joint. I didn't even pass it. Sorry, dude. -Roach, what are you doing? R-U-S-H Intensely. -I gotta think of a plan to get this money before tomorrow. You could sell your Beamer. -I don't know. I hope Craig got a good idea. We gotta ask him when he comes out. Let's go and clean up before Pinky gets here. Maybe you can ask him to loan you the money. -Maybe you can ask him to loan you the money. Yoooo, that's it. You ain't as dumb as I think you are, Roach. -Yoooo, that's it. You ain't as dumb as I think you are, Roach. I know. -Who the fuck is that, Day-Day? Let it go, Roach, trust me. -Let it go, Roach, trust me. I'm not letting nothing go. They killed my board. -I'm not letting nothing go. They killed my board. Let it go! -I say we go over there and kick their asses. I can take the little one. Are you out your mind? I'm not messing with them S.A.'s boy. You must be crazy. -Try an' hold it, man. Squeeze your ass cheeks together. Butterflies, my ass. I'm about to go home. -Roach...Roach, come on. Where's Craig? -Where's Craig? He's inside the house? -He's inside the house? Why did he go in the house? -Why did he go in the house? Don't worry about it. We gotta figure out a way to get Craig out of there. He's probably getting tied up now. -You wanna knock? Go for it. -'Scuse me, partner, but that's a ghetto knock. This is a knock. -Look, man, this is a big misunderstanding. All we wanted to do is borrow some sugar. And some rolling papers. -And some rolling papers. ...and some rolling papers, that's it. We didn't mean to mess up y'all get together or nothing. How y'all doing? -Hey. Ya'll live around here? -What?! What that mean? I don't know. -Money? Man, we came over here from some sugar and rolling papers. We was going to get high, and I was going to show this white boy how to make Kool-Aid. That's all. Hey, mister Joker, have a heart, bro. It's Friday. -Get 'em, Craig! Bite his ear! -Finally you got a bitch, huh, Roach? He's a boy, dude. -Hey, guys, I'm outta here. Thanks for the help. -Thanks for the help. Hey, man, the pleasure's all mine. Thanks for the dog, and the money. Maybe my dad won't kick my ass tonight. -Hey, man, the pleasure's all mine. Thanks for the dog, and the money. Maybe my dad won't kick my ass tonight. Call me. -Call me. Okay, later, bro. Hey, Craig, nice smokin' wit'cha. -Wet your eyes, boy. Stay in there for about 20 minutes. 20 minutes? -20 minutes? Yeah, 20 minutes. Trust me. I've been pepper sprayed nine times. 20 minutes. -Ah damn. Damn. I got fired too. -I got fired too. What?! -When my back gets better I'mma beat the black off you, Day-Day. I know. I'm sorry. -I know. I'm sorry. Sorry, my ass. -Where's Craig? I don't know. -What the fuck you looking at? Nothing. -Uh...um...I mean uh, can we borrow a cup of sugar? What?! This look like a 7-11 or something? Get the fuck outta here! -What?! This look like a 7-11 or something? Get the fuck outta here! Alright, no problem. We gone. -Shut up! Both of you right now! Shhhh! Roach, shut the fuck up. -Shhhh! Roach, shut the fuck up. I don't believe this sugar shit. Something ain't right. -Why would he take it? He don't even know you. Shut up! Where's that other miyatea? -Tape his mouth shut. Joker, a man like yourself can do a lot for this community. By letting us go, you can improve black and brown relations. -Where did Craig move to? I don't know, Debo. -What you say? He moved out to Rancho Cucamonga with his cousin Day-Day. -He moved out to Rancho Cucamonga with his cousin Day-Day. Rancho Cucamonga? -Rancho Cucamonga? Yeah. -Get on. Man, we can't ride to Rancho Cucamonga on that. -Man, we can't ride to Rancho Cucamonga on that. Get on! -Here's the plan. You gonna call over there and say you have a very urgent message for Mr. William Jones. What urgent message? -What urgent message? If you shut up I'll tell you. The urgent message is...Drop everything! Craig is in trouble. Come quick, don't call. -If you shut up I'll tell you. The urgent message is...Drop everything! Craig is in trouble. Come quick, don't call. That ain't gonna work. -Just do it. I don't know the number. -William. Yeah, I got a urgent message for a customer named William Jones. Drop everything, Craig is in trouble. Come quick. Don't try to call. -You too big. Keep pushing. -Debo! Debo! What? -What? I can't feel my legs no more. -I can't feel my legs no more. Me neither. How far is Rancho Cucamonga? -Me neither. How far is Rancho Cucamonga? I don't know. -Ezal! Ezal! Huh? -Huh? We must be here 'cause we stopped. -We must be here 'cause we stopped. Good, let's get out. -Hey, how you get out of here. I don't know. -I thought you were taking me to see Mama? I'll take you later. -I'll take you later. When? After you get all drunk and loaded? -When? After you get all drunk and loaded? Hey! I said I'll take your fuckin' ass later. Now get out of here. You're scaring our company. -Hey, what's going on? Nothing. What you want? -Nothing. What you want? Are you going to take me to see Mom? -Are you going to take me to see Mom? Take your car. -Take your car. 'Take your car?' -'Take your car?' Yeah, and hurry up. -Make sure you look after my son out here. Don't get him involved with none of your bullshit, Roy. Don't worry 'bout nothin', big bro. He in the best fuckin' hands in Rancho Chocomunga, baby! This my world, you just a nigga late paying rent. Ain't that right, nephew? -I got your message. Where's Craig? I don't know, I didn't leave you no damn message! -I don't know, I didn't leave you no damn message! You didn't call the Sandwich Joint with a urgent message? -You didn't call the Sandwich Joint with a urgent message? Hell naw, Willie. Them fleas and tics must be sucking on yo' brain! -Hell naw, Willie. Them fleas and tics must be sucking on yo' brain! Somebody left me a message. Well where's Craig and Day-Day? -Somebody left me a message. Well where's Craig and Day-Day? I don't know. Suga, go ask Miss Ho Kym if she seen them. -You come way out here to get into more trouble. You could've stayed at home. Willie, shut up. Yo' old ass need to get in a little bit o' trouble sometimes. -Willie, shut up. Yo' old ass need to get in a little bit o' trouble sometimes. Don't get it twisted, Elroy. I ain't lost none of my street skills. -What about that ugly dog? I got my mase. -Need to lose some weight. Shut yo' ass up. -Damn, big bro. You swung that like Sammy Sosa. The skills are still intact. Now tie his ass up, Elroy. -My back. What's the matter? -What's the matter? I slip my disc, again... Oh got damn. -Well, we better hit the road, too. Craig, get your stuff. Well, Craig, you're welcome anytime. -Craig, I want you to meet my old lady, Suga. Suga, this is Craig. Oooh, ba-by! -Okay, okay, that's enough. Go put on some damn clothes. Elroy. -Elroy. Suga. Go ahead and get us something to smoke on. -Suga. Go ahead and get us something to smoke on. Okay. Bye, Craig. -Huh? What you doing to my nephew? -What you doing to my nephew? Ah, baby...I thought this was you. Craig, what are you doing to me? -Mr. Nasty time? Mr. Nasty time. But take it easy on me, girl. -Mr. Nasty time. But take it easy on me, girl. Craig, you ain't the only lightweight around here. -Elroy, what happen? I threw my back, again. -I threw my back, again. Aw, no lovin' tonight? -Aw, no lovin' tonight? Naw, baby, no lovin' tonight. -Naw, baby, no lovin' tonight. Come on, baby, let's go in the house. -Come on, baby, let's go in the house. For what? We ain't gonna have no house after the auction tomorrow! -Lousy. And I have siesta hair. I'm thinking of canceling the speech. It's an important speech. -During a campaign every speech is important. This is free media exposure. Primetime news coverage that we couldn't buy. What's he doing here? -What's he doing here? Who, him? Just visiting. -Don't remind me. What happened here? -What happened here? Nothing. I broke a lamp. -Truth is, besides the headache I've come down with a little lower intestinal havoc. Make my apologies. Come on, El, you're a trooper. I'll get you some Pepto, you'll make one of your patented tributes to the common person, then back to Sacramento. This is no time to lay down on the job. I don't care what the polls say, you can't afford to relax. Look what happened to Bush. Tell you what, if you want to blow off the Sacramento speech, fine. But do this one and we'll get out of the smog. -All right, I'll do it. That's my girl. -That's my girl. But I want to make some changes. Get Krista in here right away won't you? -Aw, gee. I sent her on an errand. You sent my assistant on an errand. -You sent my assistant on an errand. I've been a bad boy. -Where to, sir? The Bonaventure. The Bonaventure Hotel. Do you know where that is? -Amtrack? What? -What? You just come in on Amtrack? -You just come in on Amtrack? Uh, yes.. -Uh, yes.. Business or pleasure? -Business or pleasure? Business. -Where'd you come from? San Diego. -San Diego. Oh, San Diego? I've thought about moving to San Diego. It's hard to make a living in this town. These short hops. Can't make a dime on 'em. To LAX, Pasadena, then I can make a buck. These little hops cost me money. -Oh, San Diego? I've thought about moving to San Diego. It's hard to make a living in this town. These short hops. Can't make a dime on 'em. To LAX, Pasadena, then I can make a buck. These little hops cost me money. Sorry. -Sorry. 'S okay. What do you think? -'S okay. What do you think? Huh? -Huh? Better in San Diego? More opportunity there? What? -Better in San Diego? More opportunity there? What? I really don't know. I don't live there. I was just visiting...a grave. -I really don't know. I don't live there. I was just visiting...a grave. Aw, too bad. -Somebody close? What? -What? The grave. Somebody close? -Look...I've... I've got a problem. A big problem... Oh, yeah? -I need your help. What can I do for you Mr....Watson? -What can I do for you Mr....Watson? Its'...ah...about my daughter.... -You were saying? Your daughter....? I... -I... Yes? -She ..ahh...wanted me to... be sure to get your autograph. Of course. I wish everything were that easy. -Mrs. Grant, Governor...I won't hurt you. My security people are right next door. -My security people are right next door. I appreciate that. -I appreciate that. One loud scream will bring them in here instantly. You won't get very far. Think it over. -One loud scream will bring them in here instantly. You won't get very far. Think it over. If I were here to hurt you I would have done it already. -If I were here to hurt you I would have done it already. That's...a comfort to hear. -That's...a comfort to hear. I have a problem. -I have a problem. Ah. -Ah. Only you can help me. I'm also sorry to say, my problem is your problem, Mrs. Grant. -I remember you...in the elevator. That's right. -That's right. You were very nervous. -You were very nervous. It was because I had this...in my pocket -How do you know that? I saw her die. She was shot. With this gun. -You shot her? No. -No. Who did? -Who did? I don't know. The only thing I know about him is that he works for your husband. -I don't know. The only thing I know about him is that he works for your husband. What? -What? And your husband works for somebody else. -And your husband works for somebody else. What the hell are you saying? -I knew you wouldn't believe me. I said I'd listen to you, not necessarily believe you. You're telling me my people are in a plot against me. You're telling me my husband wants me killed. What do you expect? -There's only one way to find out for sure. Try to cancel the last speech. I'd prefer we didn't refer to it as my last speech. -I'd prefer we didn't refer to it as my last speech. It's the last chance they have for me to kill you. Try to get out of it. They won't let you. They can't. Try to change the schedule and you'll know I'm right. What have you got to lose? It comes down to who you trust, them or me? Test them. -It's the last chance they have for me to kill you. Try to get out of it. They won't let you. They can't. Try to change the schedule and you'll know I'm right. What have you got to lose? It comes down to who you trust, them or me? Test them. I love it when pistolero's talk of trust. -This? I've never even fired one. Indeed. -I...1 would like to...thank you, Mister Wat... Gene. I would also like to apologize. -I would also like to apologize. For what? -For what? For not believing you. -For not believing you. Believe me, I don't blame you. This is the Governor, Lynn. Say hello. -Can we go now? Of course. I'll get a car to drive you. -Of course. I'll get a car to drive you. No, that's... That's OK. We don't need any help. We'll be just fine. Won't we, Lynn? -Good luck. Same to you. -Could I see some identification, sir? What? -Is this about those kids? Look, I'm sorry about that. But they darn near... You're from Santa Maria, Mr. Watson? -You're from Santa Maria, Mr. Watson? Yes. -Come with us, sir. I'd like to know what... -Hey! I'll take the girl. I'll take the girl! Don't worry. She's good with kids. -Daddy? Yes. It's OK, Lynn. These are our friends. -Pay attention, Mr. Watson. Pay attention and your daughter won't be hurt. You wouldn't... -Yes, yes, I understand. Good. -This is for you. In it there is a picture of a woman and an itinerary. It is her itinerary. She is presently - are you listening, Mr. Watson? Yes, I'm listening. -Yes, I'm listening. She is presently at the Bonaventure Hotel. That's right near here. -You're out of your mind. What's your point? -What's your point? I will do no such thing. -I will do no such thing. Yes, you will, Mr. Watson. -Look at your watch. Look at it! At one-thirty your little girl is dead. Say it with me. At one-thirty my little girl is dead. Say it. Say it! At one thirty my little girl is dead. -At one thirty my little girl is dead. Unless you do what you're told. Go do it! -"This says ""invitation only""." Of course you're invited. You're a big donor to the campaign. They love you. -This'11 get you in anywhere. Red Elevator. Thirty-fifth floor. Where did you get these? Who are you? -Where did you get these? Who are you? I'm the guy who's going to kill your daughter if you don't get moving. -Are you 'fucking with me!? The gun... -The gun... What about the gun? -What about the gun? It wasn't loaded. I didn't put the bullets in it. -It wasn't loaded. I didn't put the bullets in it. You... -You get another chance in ten minutes. Then I have time for a drink. -What would you do in my place? Me? -What...? Tell me why I miss him. -Tell me why I miss him. He's dead? -He's dead? That's right. He's dead. Tell me why. -That's right. He's dead. Tell me why. How should I...? -How should I...? Tell me why he's dead. -You killed him. That's right, I killed him. He fucked up one too many times so I put a bullet in his eye. Then I put two more into him just to make sure. Now that was somebody I loved. -I killed you. You fucked up. -I'm not stupid.. I know how this is supposed, to work. Do you now, Mr. Watson? -Do you now, Mr. Watson? I kill her - and you kill me. -I kill her - and you kill me. Keep your voice down. -Keep your voice down. Even if you don't, Her Security men will. -How am I supposed to get away? That's not my problem, Mr. Watson -Come back. How do I know you won't kill my daughter once I'm gone? -Again. No, please... -One thirty. California Ballroom. That's right. That gives you... -...twenty-six minutes to get your shit together. Let me talk to her again. -Let me talk to her again. No. -No. I want'to talk to her. -I want'to talk to her. Forget about it. -I talk to her or you can forget about it. Don't you threaten me. -Don't you threaten me. What are you going to do about it, shoot me? -What are you going to do about it, shoot me? You know what I'm gonna do. -You know what I'm gonna do. What? Walk out there and twist her arm off? -Is that something precious? No, that's,..that's fine -My wife always said I had a problem trusting people. Well, you can trust Eleanor Samara Grant. -Well, you can trust Eleanor Samara Grant. You don't understand. I'm going to trust you. And you have to trust me. -Yes, you're right, I don't understand. Look...my daughter ... she's going to die...unless you can help me. -All right, let's just...let's get security in on this. No! You can't! They're in on it. -No! You can't! They're in on it. I don't see how they could be in on it. They're the best. They're hand- picked. -I don't know. You've got to trust me. I'm putting my daughter's life in your hands. She's only six. She's just a little girl. Please, please, trust me. -You've got to trust me. I'm putting my daughter's life in your hands. She's only six. She's just a little girl. Please, please, trust me. It's a little hard to trust you under the circumstances. -The man following me has a walkie- talkie. If he sees I'm not here he'll call his partner. I do anything out of line and he'll send the word to kill my daughter. He'll think you're in the crowd until the end of the speech. Wait a minute. -Are you sure? I've heard this speech a lot. Come on. We'll take care of him. We will. -I've heard this speech a lot. Come on. We'll take care of him. We will. But... -But... Trust me. You asked me for help. Let me help. Trust me. -Trust me. You asked me for help. Let me help. Trust me. Okay... -I think you better put that away. I think you're right. -Who is this? Are you sure we can trust him? I'm sure. It's her husband. He's her Campaign Manager. -We have to hurry. I know. Brendan, listen to me. Someone is trying to kill Eleanor. -I'm serious, honey. Don't get out of my sight, all right? I want you to stay right by me. Will you do that for me? Nods solemnly. GENE reaches the platform and gives out an exaggerated sigh. -Nods solemnly. GENE reaches the platform and gives out an exaggerated sigh. We made it. -Haven't you ever seen anybody kiss like that? On TV. -On TV. You never saw your Mom and me kiss like that? -So, come on. You never saw us kiss like that? No way. -No way. How did you see us kiss? -Ready? Nods. -Nods. Let' s do it. -Now, see, this is why you should always wear a helmet and knee pads. You never know when you're going to fall down and go boom. Right? Right. -Lynn! I can hear you good. Can you hear me? -I can hear you good. Can you hear me? Yes. Yes, I can hear you. -"He has to say ""over and out"". Daddy, you have to say ""over and out""." Over and out. -Yes, sweetie, it's me. I'm tired. I want to.go now. -I'm tired. I want to.go now. I know you do, honey. -Can we go now? Not just yet, baby. There's...there's something Daddy has to do. -Not just yet, baby. There's...there's something Daddy has to do. To be a hero? -No, honey, not to be a hero. But I want you to remember something for me, all right? All right. -All right. He's doing it for you. No matter what anybody tells you, no matter who they are, he's doing it for you, because he loves you. -Will you promise me that? I promise. -I promise. All right. Kisses to you. -All right. Kisses to you. No...kisses to you. -No...kisses to you. No. Kisses to you. -No. Kisses to you. No, kisses to... -What do you do, if I may be so bold? I'm just an accountant. -I'm just an accountant. Don't denigrate yourself, my friend. Where would the government be without accountants? They wouldn't know how hard they can squeeze us before we pop, isn't that right? -I have to do something. What's that? You have to speak up. I'm a little deaf in this ear. Between that and my wooden leg I'm a mess. Compliments of the United States Army Artillery Corps. -What's that? You have to speak up. I'm a little deaf in this ear. Between that and my wooden leg I'm a mess. Compliments of the United States Army Artillery Corps. I said I have to do something. -I said I have to do something. I'll have you out of here in two shakes o'f a lamb's tail. -I'll have you out of here in two shakes o'f a lamb's tail. Is within himself. -You got anything smaller? Keep it. -Keep it. It's a twenty. -It's a twenty. Keep it. -Can I get out to Flower Street from here? Sure. Go down past the bar. Take you right out there. -You remember me? I remember. The big tipper. -I remember. The big tipper. Something is going to happen. When it's over you'll know what I was talking about. -Something is going to happen. When it's over you'll know what I was talking about. Oh, man... -Oh, man... Please. Something is going to happen... -Please. Something is going to happen... What? The end of the world? Man, don't give me your mad rap. I'm not a bartender. I don't want to hear it. I raise a family doing this bullshit. Do me a favor. Get your crazy white ass out of my chair. -What? The end of the world? Man, don't give me your mad rap. I'm not a bartender. I don't want to hear it. I raise a family doing this bullshit. Do me a favor. Get your crazy white ass out of my chair. Please... -Please... Hey, a big tip doesn't give you the right to crap in my ear. You want change? You got it, brother. What was that you gave me, a twenty? -Mister, what are you dragging me into? I'm not dragging you into anything. I don't expect... -I'm not dragging you into anything. I don't expect... Cover your mouth. -Cover your mouth. What? -What? This gorilla's watching you, is that right? -This gorilla's watching you, is that right? That's right. -That's right. Then don't let him be seeing you talking to me. I don't want him twisting my arm off. -My daughter. They have her in a van across the street. They say they'll kill her if I don't do something for them. In twenty-five minutes in the California Ballroom. -In twenty-five minutes in the California Ballroom. There was a woman. She was trying to help me. I watched him murder her. -There was a woman. She was trying to help me. I watched him murder her. What are you supposed to do? -What are you supposed to do? Kill the Governor. -I knew I should have packed up and gone home as soon as I got that twenty. What am I supposed to do about this situation? One of them is in on it. He might even be in charge. Her Security is in on it. There's only one person I know for sure isn't in on it. -One of them is in on it. He might even be in charge. Her Security is in on it. There's only one person I know for sure isn't in on it. Who? -Who? The Governor. If I could just talk to her... -The Governor. If I could just talk to her... Oh, Jesus ... -Oh, Jesus ... No way, there's nothing you can do to help me. -Then why'd you drag me into it? It's my kid. I've got to...to somehow...do right by my little girl. -It's about time I did. I was one of those guys, workaholics. I worked my ass off for them - my wife, my daughter. That's just what I thought I was supposed to do. Yeah, all right, listen... -Yeah, all right, listen... So when she wanted a divorce...I was...I didn't know what I'd done wrong. I didn't see it. I didn't see it.... -Why don't you tell me about the early years some other time? I'm sorry. You understand I don't mind dying if I could save my daughter. I mean that. -I'm sorry. You understand I don't mind dying if I could save my daughter. I mean that. Yeah, now listen. I can't mess with these shoes any more or it's gonna look funny. You go down get yourself something to drink. Make sure Godzilla there, follows you. -Yeah, now listen. I can't mess with these shoes any more or it's gonna look funny. You go down get yourself something to drink. Make sure Godzilla there, follows you. What are you going to do? -Keep the change. Don't think I won't. -Meet Irene. Hi. -Hi. Irene is going to help. -Irene is going to help. Thank you. -You said there was only one person you knew wasn't in on this thing. Yeah. -Yeah. You're going to go see her. -You're going to go see her. What!? -What am I supposed to say to her? It'll come to you. See if you can stop this thing 'fore it gets started. Save us all considerable embarrassment. -Well? I don't know. -I don't know. What are you going to do now? -What are you going to do!? This is about power and you haven't got any. There's nothing more you can do. I'm sorry. Thanks for trying. -Thanks for the shine. Thanks for the tip. -Just giving you the gift of a clean windshield. Only cost you a dollar. I don't want my windshield cleaned. -I don't want my windshield cleaned. You just think you don't want your windshield cleaned. -You just think you don't want your windshield cleaned. No, I know I don't want it cleaned. Get out of here. -No, I know I don't want it cleaned. Get out of here. Don't be like that. Think of me as the Moses of dirty windshields leading you through the desert of dead bugs. -For the last time, I don't want it cleaned. Now get the hell out of here! It's already done. I've already done it. You have to pay me now. -It's already done. I've already done it. You have to pay me now. I don't have to pay you nothin'. -I don't have to pay you nothin'. You're going to deny me a lousy dollar after I've sweated like a pig giving you the gift of a clean windsheild? -You're going to deny me a lousy dollar after I've sweated like a pig giving you the gift of a clean windsheild? Fuckin' A. -Fuckin' A. I don't think so. -Hey! I think this is worth a dollar. -Oh, we'll have to do better than that. You worthless piece of shit! Gimme that! -Goddamnit, you fuckin' bum, come here! Gimme a dollar. -Gimme a dollar. Fuck you! -He brought a gun onto the pool deck. What? -What? He got onto the pool deck with a gun. How did he get past her Security carrying a -He got onto the pool deck with a gun. How did he get past her Security carrying a I see. Where is this gun? -Well, is it real? Do we know anything about it? It looks real. I don't know anything about guns. -It looks real. I don't know anything about guns. Could I see it? -You stole that. No, I didn't. I confiscated it. There's a difference. -Hey, would you look at this crazy car? Everybody has their own radio. What do you think of that? Everybody does? -Everybody does? Yep. And you can listen to it without anybody else listening. Let's try it out. -This is what they call the jack. Hi, Jack! Laughs. -Laughs. It goes in that little hole. -He's going to help the police. Your daddy is going to be a hero. My daddy is going to be a hero? Like Power Rangers? -That's pretty good. I've done much better ones than this. -I've done much better ones than this. You have, huh? -You have, huh? Oh, yes. I'll show you. I have much more colors at home. -Oh, yes. I'll show you. I have much more colors at home. That's good. That's good, sweetie pie. -Where are we going? Not very far, honey-pie. Not far at all. -I'm not a baby. You're a big girl, huh? -You're a big girl, huh? I'm not a big girl but I'm not a baby. -Close your eyes. Why? -Why? I've got something for you. -I've got something for you. A surprise? -A surprise? You ask too many questions. You want the surprise or not? -You got this under control? Yeah. -Yeah. It doesn't look like it. -It's under control. It better be. -Somebody mind telling me... ) What the hell happened!? Help me get her off the rug. -Where is he? Did you lose him? Shut up. -Get moving. You' oughta learn to relax. I told you I've got it under control. -You' oughta learn to relax. I told you I've got it under control. It's time. It's time now. -That one. Nah. Hates his wife. -Skate-boarders I don't mind, even though they dress like fuckin' idiots, but when I see some pin-head on rollerblades, I get the definite urge to grease the grill of my car with 'em. Keep your eyes peeled. -Keep your eyes peeled. What about them? -I'm looking for them. Where? -Where? Right there. -Look at 'em. He'd do anything for her.- Young love. -Foreigners! Fuck! Frogs. They copy our blue jeans and when we need their help in Kuwait, where the fuck are they? -You don't want to cause a ruckus, with the little girl and all. Come with me, honey. -And what happens if I don't call you? I kill her anyway. -God can't help her, Mr. Watson. Only you can help her. Only you. -Only you. You're wasting time. -You talk to a cop, you even look at a cop too long and your daughter is dead. Do it. Go ahead, sugar Die. -That's enough. 'Daddy has to go now. -Yeah. Do it! -Come Back. Yeah. -Yeah. Put her on. -Put her on. What gives? -What gives? Just put her on. -Any trouble? No. -No. He was a cool one, that Harper. Never broke. -He was a cool one, that Harper. Never broke. He carried on some; kicked. -He never told about the money. No. -No. What do you figure he done with it? -What do you figure he done with it? He took the secret with him when I dropped him. -Ben, I'm a Man of God. Tryin' to make me talk about it in my sleep! -Tryin' to make me talk about it in my sleep! No, Ben. -No, Ben. What'd I say? What? What? What? What? -What'd I say? What? What? What? What? "You was quotin' Scripture. You said -- you said, ""And a little child shall lead them.""" -"You was quotin' Scripture. You said -- you said, ""And a little child shall lead them.""" Hm! -You killed two men, Ben Harper. That's right, Preacher. I robbed that bank because I got tired of seein' children roamin' the woodlands without food, children roamin' the highways in this year of Depression; children sleepin' in old abandoned car bodies on junk-heaps; and I promised myself I'd never see the day when my youngins'd want. -That's right, Preacher. I robbed that bank because I got tired of seein' children roamin' the woodlands without food, children roamin' the highways in this year of Depression; children sleepin' in old abandoned car bodies on junk-heaps; and I promised myself I'd never see the day when my youngins'd want. With that ten thousand dollars I could build a Tabernacle that'd make the Wheeling Island Tabernacle look like a chicken-house! -With that ten thousand dollars I could build a Tabernacle that'd make the Wheeling Island Tabernacle look like a chicken-house! Would you have free candy for the kids, Preacher? -Think of it, Ben! With that cursed, bloodied gold! How come you got that stickknife hid in your bed-blankets, Preacher? -How come you got that stickknife hid in your bed-blankets, Preacher? I come not with Peace but with a Sword. -I come not with Peace but with a Sword. You, Preacher? -That Sword has served me through many an evil time, Ben Harper. What religion do you profess, Preacher? -What religion do you profess, Preacher? The religion the Almighty and me worked out betwixt us. -The religion the Almighty and me worked out betwixt us. I'll bet. -I'll bet. Salvation is a last-minute business, boy. -Salvation is a last-minute business, boy. Keep talkin', Preacher. -Keep talkin', Preacher. If you was to let that money serve the Lord's purposes, He might feel kindly turned towards you. -If you was to let that money serve the Lord's purposes, He might feel kindly turned towards you. Keep talkin', Preacher. -Where's your Mom? Out shopping -- you're bleeding, Dad -- -Out shopping -- you're bleeding, Dad -- Listen to me John. -Here they come. Dad, you're bleeding... -Listen to me son. You got to swear. Swear means promise. First swear you'll take care of little Pearl. Guard her with your life, boy. Then swear you won't never tell where that money's hid. Not even your Mom. Yes, Dad. -Yes, Dad. You understand? -You understand? Not even her? -"You got common sense. She ain't. When you grow up that money'll be yours. Now swear. ""I will guard Pearl with my life...""" I will guard Pearl with my life... -I will guard Pearl with my life... "...""and I won't never tell about the money.""" -"...""and I won't never tell about the money.""" And I won't never tell about the money. -She don't put in at Cresap's Landing no more, but she still blows as she passes. Come on in and have a cup of coffee. Ain't nobody stole Dad's skiff. -Ain't nobody stole Dad's skiff. Ain't nobody goin' to neither, long as Uncle Birdie's around. -Ain't seen you in a coon's age, Johnny. I been mindin' Pearl. -I been mindin' Pearl. Pshaw now! Ain't it a caution what women'll load onto a feller's back when he ain't lookin'? -'Twas down at Cresap's Landing, Along the River Shore, Birdie Steptoe was a Pilot in the good old days of yore. Now he sets in his old wharf-boat... When'll Dad's skiff be ready? -When'll Dad's skiff be ready? Can't hear ye, boy. ...So the big boats heave a sigh, They blow for Uncle Birdie... -Can't hear ye, boy. ...So the big boats heave a sigh, They blow for Uncle Birdie... When'll the skiff be ready? -When'll the skiff be ready? And the times that are gone by. I'll have her ready inside of a week; and then we'll go fishin'. How's your Maw? -O, she's all right. How's your sister Pearl? -How's your sister Pearl? Just fine. -Leavin', boy? Yep; gotta watch out for Pearl, Uncle Birdie. -Yep; gotta watch out for Pearl, Uncle Birdie. Well goodnight, boy. Come again -- any time. -Here's your can o' hooks, Uncle Birdie. There hain't nary hook in the land smart enough to hook Mister Gar. What a feller needs is mother-wit -- and a horse-hair. -Won't he bust it, Uncle Birdie? Shoot, a horse-hair'll hold a lumpin' whale. -Do you mind me cussin', boy? No. -No. Tell you why I ask -- your step-pa being' a Preacher an' all... -Can we eat him, Uncle Birdie? If you got an appetite for bones and bitterness. -Uncle Birdie! Don't! -Don't! Hide us Uncle Birdie! He's a-comin' with his knife! -Here's what you owe me. One, two, three, four, five... where's the other basket? Where's Ruby? She went. -She went. John: you go fetch Ruby. Big Ruby's my problem girl. She can't gather eggs without bustin' 'em; but Ruby's got mother hands with a youngin, so what're you to say? -I'll light the lamp. It's more fun hearin' stories in the dark. -And when little King Jesus' Ma and Pa heard about that plan, what do you reckon they went and done? They hid in a broom closet! -Where's Ruby? She went. -AAA-MENN! You have all sinned! -You have all sinned! Yes! Yes! -Yes! Yes! But which one of you can say as I can say: I drove a good man to murder because I kept a-houndin' him for clothes and per-fumes and face paint! -And the Lord told that man -- Yes! Yes! -Yes! Yes! The Lord said, Take that money and throw it in the River! -The Lord said, Take that money and throw it in the River! Yes! Yes! Hallelujah! -Yes! Yes! Hallelujah! Throw that money in the River! In THE RIVER! -Throw that money in the River! In THE RIVER! IN THE RIIV-ER! -See ye got two more peeps to your brood. Yeah, and ornerier than the rest. -Yeah, and ornerier than the rest. How's your own boy, Miz Cooper? -How's your own boy, Miz Cooper? Ain't heard from Ralph since last Christmas. Don't matter -- I've got a new crop. I'm a strong tree with branches for many birds. I'm good for something in this old world and I know it, too! We know that she will rout the Devil. -Ain't heard from Ralph since last Christmas. Don't matter -- I've got a new crop. I'm a strong tree with branches for many birds. I'm good for something in this old world and I know it, too! We know that she will rout the Devil. Got a good buy in soap, Miz Cooper. -Got a good buy in soap, Miz Cooper. Don't need no soap. I'm boilin' down the fat from my hog. -It's a mighty good man would come out of his way to bring a word of cheer to a grieving widow! So you ain't with the State no more? -Plan on a longer visit next time. You don't hardly get settled till you're frettin' to git home again. -Icey, I'm worried about Willa. How do you mean? -How do you mean? I'm figurin' how I can say it so's you won't get mad. -I'm figurin' how I can say it so's you won't get mad. Say what, Walt Spoon! -Say what, Walt Spoon! There's somethin' wrong about it, Mother. -There's somethin' wrong about it, Mother. About what! -About what! About Mr. Powell. All of it! -About Mr. Powell. All of it! Walt! -Walt! Now, Mother, a body can't help their feelin's. -Now, Mother, a body can't help their feelin's. May the Lord have mercy on you, Walt Spoon! -May the Lord have mercy on you, Walt Spoon! Mother, I only -- -What's wrong, Mother? Sshhh! He's in there. -Who? Mr. Powell! Willa has run away! -Mr. Powell! Willa has run away! I'll be switched!... -Just went? She took out some time durin' the night, -- in that old Model-T -- -Is he hit pretty bad? All to pieces! -There's a little peach brandy -- maybe a sip? A man of the Cloth? -What can we do, Mother? I thought if you went and talked to him -- another man -- -Dear Walt and Icey: I bet you been worried and gave us up for lost. Took the kids down here with me for a visit to my sister Elsie's farm. Thot a little change of scenery would do us all a world of good after so much trubble and heartache. At least the kids will git a plenty of good home cooking. Your devoted Harry Powell Now ain't you relieved, Walt? -Now ain't you relieved, Walt? Sure, but you was worried too, Mother; takin' off with never a word of goodbye. I even got to figurin' them gypsies busted in and done off with all three of 'em. -Sure, but you was worried too, Mother; takin' off with never a word of goodbye. I even got to figurin' them gypsies busted in and done off with all three of 'em. You and your gypsies! They been gone a week! -You and your gypsies! They been gone a week! Not before one of 'em knifed a farmer and stole his horse. Never caught the gypsies nor the horse. -Lynch him! Lynch him! Bluebeard! -Bluebeard! Twenty-five wives! -Twenty-five wives! And he killed every last one of 'em! -Draggin' the name of the Lord through the evil mud of his soul! Come on! -He lied! Tricked us! -Tricked us! He taken the Lord's name in vain and he trampled on His Holy Book! -He taken the Lord's name in vain and he trampled on His Holy Book! String that Bluebeard up to a pole! -String that Bluebeard up to a pole! He's Satan hiding behind the Cross! -Willa Harper there is certain plain facts of life that adds up just like two plus two makes four and one of them is this: No woman is good enough to raise growin' youngsters alone! The Lord meant that job for two! Icey, I don't want a husband. -Icey, I don't want a husband. Fiddlesticks! -That feller's just achin' to settle down with some nice woman and make a home for himself. It's awful soon after Ben's passing. -It's awful soon after Ben's passing. If ever I saw a Sign from Heaven! -If ever I saw a Sign from Heaven! John don't like him much. -John don't like him much. Pearl dotes on him. -Pearl dotes on him. The boy worries me. It's silly, but it's like there was something still between him and his Dad. -The boy worries me. It's silly, but it's like there was something still between him and his Dad. What he needs is a dose o' salts! -What he needs is a dose o' salts! There's something else. -There's something else. What? -What? The money, Icey. -The money, Icey. I declare, you'll let that money haunt you to your grave, Willa Harper! -I declare, you'll let that money haunt you to your grave, Willa Harper! I would love to be satisfied Harry Powell don't think I've got that money somewhere. -I would love to be satisfied Harry Powell don't think I've got that money somewhere. You'll come right out and ask that Man of God! Mr. Paow-well! Clear that evil mud out of your soul! -You go set down by the River. Oh, Icey, I'm a sight! -Oh, Icey, I'm a sight! Get along with you. -That boy's as stubborn and mulish as a sheep! It's a shame! -I must wend my way down River on the Lord's work. You ain't leavin' in no hurry if we can help it! -My, that fudge smells yummy! It's for the pick-nick. And you won't get a smidgen of my fudge unless you stay for the pick-nick! -Amen! Amen! She lieth in wait as for a prey. And increaseth the transgressors among men. -My dear, dear friends! Whatever would I do without you! Mister Powell! -What could have possessed that girl! Satan. -Satan. Ah. -I burned it. I tore it up and burned it -- it stank so strong of hellfire. Amen. -Amen. The pitcher has went to the well once too often, my friends. -Ain't no sense in it, neither. I figured somethin' like this was brewin' when she went to bed last night. How? -How? She tarried around the kitchen after I'd gone up, and when I went downstairs to see what was wrong... -She tarried around the kitchen after I'd gone up, and when I went downstairs to see what was wrong... What! -What! She'd found this fruit jar of dandelion wine that the husband -- Harper -- had hid somewheres in the cellar. She was drinking. -I tried to save her. I know you did, Reverend. Oh, I know how you tried! -I know you did, Reverend. Oh, I know how you tried! The devil wins sometimes! -Just look at you! Dust and filth from top to toe! Want me to take 'em up and wash 'em good? -Want me to take 'em up and wash 'em good? Thank you, no. Thank you, dear Icey. I'll tend to them. Thank you. -Stand still, Miss Jenny! There! What's so hard about that! -You, Pearl. You swear too. Who's them Blue Men yonder? -Who's them Blue Men yonder? Blue men. -Hing, hang, hung. You better not sing that song. -You better not sing that song. Why? -Why? 'Cause you're too little. -Tell me a story, John. Once upon a time there was a rich king... ...and he had him a son and a daughter and they all lived in a castle over in Africa. Well, one day this King got taken away by bad men and before he got took off he told his son to kill anyone that tried to steal their gold, and before long these bad men come back and -- -Once upon a time there was a rich king... ...and he had him a son and a daughter and they all lived in a castle over in Africa. Well, one day this King got taken away by bad men and before he got took off he told his son to kill anyone that tried to steal their gold, and before long these bad men come back and -- The Blue Men? -Just a man. Goodnight Pearl, sleep tight; and don't let the bedbugs bite. 'Night Miss Jenny; don't let the bedbugs bite. -John... Sshhh... -Now can I tell? Hm? -Hm? When Mr. Powell's our Daddy then I can tell him about -- -You swore, Pearl! John! Don't! -John! Don't! You promised Dad you wouldn't never tell! -You'll get awful mad, John. I done a Sin! You what? -Pearl! You ain't -- John, don't be mad! Don't be mad! I was just playing with it! I didn't tell no one! -It's all here. Pearl! Oh, Pearl! -Where's Mom? She's gone to Moundsville. -She's gone to Moundsville. To see Dad? -To see Dad? Yes, I reckon that's it. -Someone is after us, Pearl. I want to go upstairs. It's cold and spidery down here. I'm hungry. -I want to go upstairs. It's cold and spidery down here. I'm hungry. Now listen to me, Pearl. You and me is runnin' off tonight. -Now listen to me, Pearl. You and me is runnin' off tonight. Why? -Why? If we stay here somethin' awful will happen to us. -If we stay here somethin' awful will happen to us. Won't Daddy Powell take care of us? -Won't Daddy Powell take care of us? No, that's just it. No. -Where are we goin', John? Somewheres. I don't know yet. -I'm hungry, John. We'll steal somethin' to eat. -We'll steal somethin' to eat. It'll spoil our supper. -John? Hush, Pearl. Come on. -Please be quiet -- Oh please, Pearl! John, where are we g -- -John, where are we g -- Hush. -Get in the skiff, Pearl, goodness, goodness, hurry! That's Daddy! -Are we goin' home, John? Ssh... -Don't you hurt her! Hurt her nothin'! Wash her's more like it! Ruby! -I'm butcherin' my hog myself, smokin' the hams, and cannin' the sausage. You-all have your work cut out! She talks to herself. -John, where's your folks? Dead. -Dead. Dead. -Where ye from? Up river. -Up river. I didn't figger ye rowed that skiff from Parkersburg! -Story, honey? Why, what story? About them Kings. That the Queen found down on the sandbar in the skiff that time. -About them Kings. That the Queen found down on the sandbar in the skiff that time. Kings! Why, honey, there was only one. -Kings! Why, honey, there was only one. I mind you said there was two. -I mind you said there was two. Well, shoot! Maybe there was! -John, when your Dad says 'come', you should mind him. He ain't my Dad. -I'll see to Pearl. I'll make coffee. -This watch is the nicest watch I ever had. A feller can't just go around with run-down, busted watches. -Why, he told me what fine little lambs you and your sister both was. Is that all? -Did you hear what I said, son? Huh? -Huh? Married! We have decided to go to Sistersville tomorrow, and when we come back -- -Married! We have decided to go to Sistersville tomorrow, and when we come back -- You ain't my Dad! You won't never be my Dad! -You ain't my Dad! You won't never be my Dad! -- and when we come back, we'll all be friends -- and share our fortunes together, John! --- and when we come back, we'll all be friends -- and share our fortunes together, John! You think you can make me tell! But I won't! I won't! I won't! -Tell me what, boy? Nothin'! -Nothin'! Are we keeping secrets from each other, little lad? -Are we keeping secrets from each other, little lad? No. No. -What are you doing, boy? Getting Pearl to bed. I -- -Getting Pearl to bed. I -- What's taking you so long about it? -What's taking you so long about it? It -- she -- -It -- she -- What's that you're playing with, boy? -What's that you're playing with, boy? Pearl's junk. Mom gets mad when she plays out here and don't clean up afterward. -Pearl's junk. Mom gets mad when she plays out here and don't clean up afterward. Come on, children! -Your mother says you tattled on me, boy. She says you told her that I asked you where that money was hid. Yes. Yes. -Yes. Yes. That wasn't very nice of you, John. Have a heart, boy. -She thinks that money's in the river, but you and me, we know better, don't we, boy? I don't know nothin'! -I don't know nothin'! The summer is young yet, little lad. Pearl? -Now! Where's it hid, honey? I'll tell. -I'll tell. I thought I told you to keep your mouth shut -- -I thought I told you to keep your mouth shut -- NO, -- it ain't fair to make Pearl tell when she swore she wouldn't. I'll tell. -All right boy: where's the money? In the cellar. Buried under a stone in the floor. -All right... Come along. What? -What? Go ahead of me -- the both of you. -You don't reckon I'd leave you. Don't you believe me? -Don't you believe me? Why sure, boy, sure. -Now where, boy? Mind; no tricks. I can't abide liars. Yonder. -Now: Where? Under the stone in the floor. -Pearl, shut up! Pearl, you swore! You could save him, little bird. -Nothin'. Come to me, boy! -John's a feller who likes to keep secrets. Mm-hm. -Mm-hm. I'll tell you a secret. -I'll tell you a secret. Yes? -Yes? "I knowed your Daddy. And do you know what your Daddy said to me? He said, ""Tell my little girl Pearl there's to be no secrets between her and you.""" -"I knowed your Daddy. And do you know what your Daddy said to me? He said, ""Tell my little girl Pearl there's to be no secrets between her and you.""" Yes? -Yes? Now it's your turn. -Now it's your turn. What secret shall I tell? -What secret shall I tell? How old are you? -How old are you? That's no secret. I'm five. -Sure, that's no secret. What's your name? -What's your name? You're just foolin'! My name's Pearl. -You're just foolin'! My name's Pearl. Tst-tst! Then I reckon I'll have to try again! Where's the money hid? -You see? We can't have anything to do with John. You and me will go down to the parlor. Miz Jenny! Miz Jenny! -Yes; John's bad. Tell me another secret about my Dad. -O no! Your turn! All right. -All right. Where's the money hid. -John's bad. Where's the money hid? Tell me, you little wretch, or I'll tear your arm off! -I'm hungry. Why, sure. And there's fried chicken and candied sweets and cornsticks and apple cobbler! -Why, sure. And there's fried chicken and candied sweets and cornsticks and apple cobbler! Can I have my supper please? -Can I have my supper please? Naturally. -Naturally. Can I have milk too? -Can I have milk too? Yes. But first of all we'll have a little talk. -About our secrets. No. -No. Why, pray tell? -Why, pray tell? Because John said I mustn't. -Just tell me now; where's the money hid? But I swore. I promised John I wouldn't tell. -But I swore. I promised John I wouldn't tell. JOHN -- DOESN'T -- MATTER! Can't I get that through your head, you poor, silly, disgusting little wretch! -You're Ruby, ain't you, my child? Can I have this? -Can I have this? Surely. I'd like to talk to you, my dear. -Surely. I'd like to talk to you, my dear. Will you buy me a choclit sody? -Will you buy me a choclit sody? O' course. -Why, you're the purtiest girl I've seen in all my wandering. Didn't nobody never tell you that, Ruby? No. No one never did. -No. No one never did. There's two new ones over at your place, ain't there Ruby? -What's their names? Pearl and John. -Pearl and John. Ahhh. And is there -- a doll? -Ahhh. And is there -- a doll? Only she won't never let me play with it. -Only she won't never let me play with it. Ahh! -Mister Powell? A strange woman is a narrow pit! -Is there anythin' -- anythin'...? It is my shame -- my crown of thorns. And I must wear it bravely. -Didn't you have no inkling? Yes; from the first night. -Yes; from the first night. The first night? -The first night? Our honeymoon. -Our honeymoon. How's that? -How's that? She turned me out of the bed. -What do you figure to do? Do? Why stay and take care of them little kids. Maybe it was never meant for a woman like Willa to taint their young lives. -That's mighty brave of you, Reverend. I reckon it's been ordained this way, Brother Spoon. -I reckon it's been ordained this way, Brother Spoon. Didn't -- didn't she leave no word? -Didn't -- didn't she leave no word? A scrawl. On a piece of notepaper on the bureau. -She'll come draggin' her tail back home. She'll not be back. I reckon I'd be safe in promisin' you that. -She'll not be back. I reckon I'd be safe in promisin' you that. Maybe she's just run off on a spree. -John: take that look offen your face and act nice. He don't mean no impudence; do you, boy? Do you, boy? Ah, many's the time poor Brother Ben told me about these youngins. -John, Mr. Powell has got something to tell you. Well, John, the night before your father died, he told me what he did with that money. -Harry! I was praying. -I was praying. Oh, I'm sorry, Harry! I didn't know! I thought maybe -- -You thought, Willa, that the moment you walked in that door I'd start in to pawing you in the abominable way men are supposed to do on their wedding night. Ain't that right, now? No, Harry! I thought -- -No, Harry! I thought -- I think it's time we got one thing perfectly clear, Willa. Marriage to me represents a blending of two spirits in the sight of Heaven. -Get up, Willa. Harry, what -- -Harry, what -- Get up. -Do you want more children, Willa? I -- no, I -- -I -- no, I -- It's the business of our marriage to mind those two you have now -- not to beget more. -It's the business of our marriage to mind those two you have now -- not to beget more. Yes. -Are you through praying? I'm through, Harry. -You were listening outside the parlor window. It's not in the river, is it Harry? -It's not in the river, is it Harry? Answer me! -Answer me! Ben never told you he throwed it in the river? Did he? -Mornin', ladies. How'do. -You're Miz Cooper, I take it. It's about that John and that Pearl? -Shall I tell ye the little story of Right-Hand-Left-Hand -- the tale of Good and Evil? It was with this left hand that old brother Cain struck the blow that laid his brother low -- -It was with this left hand that old brother Cain struck the blow that laid his brother low -- Them kids is yours? -Them kids is yours? My flesh and blood! -My flesh and blood! Where's your Missus? -She run off with a drummer one night. Durin' prayer-meetin'. Where's she at? -Where's she at? Somewheres down river! Parkersburg, mebbe! -- Cincinnati! -- One of them Sodoms on the Ohio River. -Somewheres down river! Parkersburg, mebbe! -- Cincinnati! -- One of them Sodoms on the Ohio River. She took them kids with her? -She took them kids with her? Heaven only knows what unholy sights and sounds those innocent little babes has heard in the dens of perdition where she dragged them! -Heaven only knows what unholy sights and sounds those innocent little babes has heard in the dens of perdition where she dragged them! Right funny, hain't it, how they rowed all the way up river in a ten- foot john-boat! -Gracious, gracious! You are a good woman, Miz Cooper! How you figgerin' to raise them two without a woman? -How you figgerin' to raise them two without a woman? The Lord will provide. -The Lord is merciful! What a day is this! -- And there's little John! What's wrong, John? -What's wrong, John? Didn't you hear me, boy? -What do you want? Them kids! -Them kids! What are you after them for? -What are you after them for? None of your business, Madam. -None of your business, Madam. I'm givin' you to the count of three to get out that screen door; then I'm a-comin' across this kitchen shootin'! -Pearl and John! Not this time! It was just one youngin -- a little boy babe. And do you know who he was, children? -I been bad! Ruby, you didn't have no money to buy this. -Ruby, you didn't have no money to buy this. You'll whip me! -You'll whip me! When did I ever? -When did I ever? This man down at the Drugstore... -This man down at the Drugstore... The Drugstore? -The Drugstore? Miz Cooper. I never went to sewin' lessons all them times. -Miz Cooper. I never went to sewin' lessons all them times. What you been up to? -What you been up to? I been out with men. -This gentleman warn't like them! He just give me a sody and the book. Now who was this? -Now who was this? He never asked me for nothin'. -He never asked me for nothin'. He must have wanted somethin', Ruby. A man don't waste time on a girl unless he gets something. -What'd you all talk about? Pearl and John. -Pearl and John. John and Pearl! -Miz Cooper! What? -What? The man! The man! -Nancy have any severe childhood illnesses? Scarlet Fever? High temperatures -- concussions? No, nothing. -Nightmares are expected after psychological trauma. Don't worry, they go away. I sure as hell hope so. -They're just simple tests, Nan. We'll both be right here. Look, I know it's been frightening, I know your dreams have seemed real. But... it's okay. Okay? -Look, I know it's been frightening, I know your dreams have seemed real. But... it's okay. Okay? Please, Nancy. Trust us. -How long's this been going on? Since the murder. She was fine before that. -Since the murder. She was fine before that. Not to worry. No signs of pathology in Nancy's EEG or pulse rate. I'd guess what we've got is a normal young girl who just happens to have gone through two days of hell. -Not to worry. No signs of pathology in Nancy's EEG or pulse rate. I'd guess what we've got is a normal young girl who just happens to have gone through two days of hell. It's just made her think... her dreams are real... -Okay, good. She's asleep. Thank God. -What the hell are dreams, anyway? Mysteries. Incredible body hookus pokus. Truth is we still don't know what they are or where they come from. As for nightmares... Did you know that in the last three years twenty Filipino refugees in California died in the middle of nightmares? Not from heart attacks, either. They just died. -What happened? That needle sank like a rock. She's entering deep sleep now. Heart rate's a little high due to anxiety, but otherwise she's nicely relaxed. All normal. She could dream at any time now. Right now she's like a diver on the bottom of an ocean no one's mapped yet. Waiting to see what shows up. -How can you tell? R.E.M.'s. Rapid eye movements. The eyes follow the dream -- their movement picks up on this -- -Oh my god, oh my god... Get the kit! -Worked like a charm. Jesus. -It's just a stupid cat. Then bring us back its tail and whiskers. -So we'll guard her together. Through the night. In each others' arms like we always said. Glen. Not now. I mean, we're here for Tina now, not for ourselves. -Why's she so bothered by a stupid nightmare, anyway? Because he was scary, that's why. -Because he was scary, that's why. Who was scary? -What the hell's going on!? Oh -- jeez -- Glen! Rod's gone ape! -You okay? Yeah. Something slippery all over here... Tina? -Sometimes I wish you didn't live right across the street. Shut up and let me in. You ever stand on a rose trellis in your bare feet? -Guess I did. Haven't slept, have you? -Haven't slept, have you? Not really. -M'god, I look twenty years old. You have any weird dreams last night? Slept like a rock. -Slept like a rock. Well at least I have an objective wall to bounce this off. You believe it's possible to dream about what's going to happen? -Well at least I have an objective wall to bounce this off. You believe it's possible to dream about what's going to happen? No. -No. You believe in the Boogey Man? -You believe in the Boogey Man? One two, Freddie's coming for you? No. Rod killed Tina. He's a fruitcake and you know it. -One two, Freddie's coming for you? No. Rod killed Tina. He's a fruitcake and you know it. You believe in anything? -You believe in anything? I believe in you, me, and Rock and Roll. And I'm not too sure about you lately. -Listen, I got a crazy favor to ask. Uh-oh... -Uh-oh... It's nothing too hard or anything. I'm just going to... LOOK for someone, and... I want you to be sort of a... guard. Okay? -Okay? Okay, okay. I think. -Jesus, it's dark in here. Shhh. Now listen, here's what we're gonna do... -Yeah. So? Just checking -- keep out of sight! -Whenever I get nervous I eat. And if you can't do that, you sleep. -And if you can't do that, you sleep. Used to. Not anymore. -You ever read about the Balinese way of dreaming? No. -No. They got a whole system they call 'dream skills'. So, if you have a nightmare, for instance like falling, right? -They got a whole system they call 'dream skills'. So, if you have a nightmare, for instance like falling, right? Yeah. -Yeah. Instead of screaming and getting nuts, you say, okay, I'm gonna make up my mind that I fall into a magic world where I can get something special, like a poem or song. They get all their art literature from dreams. Just wake up and write it down. Dream skills. -And what if they meet a monster in their dream? Then what? They turn their back on it. Takes away its energy, and it disappears. -They turn their back on it. Takes away its energy, and it disappears. What happens if they don't do that? -What happens if they don't do that? I guess those people don't wake up to tell what happens. -I guess those people don't wake up to tell what happens. Great. -'Booby Traps and Improvised Antipersonnel Devices'! I found it at this neat survivalist bookstore on Ventura. -I found it at this neat survivalist bookstore on Ventura. Well what you reading it for? -Hello? Hi. -Hi. Oh. Hi, how y'doing? -Much better. I heard your ma went ape at the security store today. You look like the Prisoner of Zenda or something. How long's it been since you slept? -I heard your ma went ape at the security store today. You look like the Prisoner of Zenda or something. How long's it been since you slept? Coming up on the seventh day. It's okay, I checked Guiness. The record's eleven, and I'll beat that if I have to. Listen, I... I know who he is. -Coming up on the seventh day. It's okay, I checked Guiness. The record's eleven, and I'll beat that if I have to. Listen, I... I know who he is. Who? -Who? The killer. -The killer. You do? -You do? Yeah, and if he gets me, I'm pretty sure you're next. -Me!? Why would anyone want to kill me?! Don't ask -- just give me some help nailing this guy when I bring him out. -Bring him out of what? My dream. -My dream. How you plan to do that? -How you plan to do that? Just like I did the hat. Have a hold of the sucker when you wake me up. -Just like I did the hat. Have a hold of the sucker when you wake me up. Me? Wait a minute, you can't bring someone out of a dream! -Me? Wait a minute, you can't bring someone out of a dream! If I can't, then you all can relax, because it'll just be a simple case of me being nuts. -If I can't, then you all can relax, because it'll just be a simple case of me being nuts. I can save you the trouble. You're nutty as a fruitcake. I love you anyway. -I can save you the trouble. You're nutty as a fruitcake. I love you anyway. Good, then you won't mind cold-cocking this guy when I bring him out. -Good, then you won't mind cold-cocking this guy when I bring him out. What!? -What!? You heard me. I grab him in the dream -- you see me struggling so you wake me up. We both come out, you cold cock the fucker, and we got him. Clever, huh? -You heard me. I grab him in the dream -- you see me struggling so you wake me up. We both come out, you cold cock the fucker, and we got him. Clever, huh? You crazy? Hit him with what? -You crazy? Hit him with what? You're a jock. You must have a baseball bat or something. Come to my window at midnight. And meanwhile... -You're a jock. You must have a baseball bat or something. Come to my window at midnight. And meanwhile... Meanwhile...? -Meanwhile...? Meanwhile whatever you do don't fall asleep. Midnight. -How you doing, pal? Okay. Hi, dad. -Rod's not a lunatic. You got a sane explanation for what he did? -She dreamed this would happen... What? -What? She had a nightmare about somebody trying to kill her, last night. That's why we were there; she was afraid to sleep alone. -You used me, daddy! What the hell you doing going to school today, anyway -- your mother told me you didn't even sleep last night! -Decide to take a day off after all? Dad, I want to see Rod Lane. -Only family allowed, Nancy. You know the drill. Just want to talk to him a second. -Just want to talk to him a second. He's dangerous. -He's dangerous. You don't know he did it. -You don't know he did it. No, I know, thanks to your own testimony, that he was locked in a room with a girl who went in alive and came out in a rubber bag. -Dad -- what you doing here? It so happens I work here, and there's an unsolved murder. I don't like unsolved murders, especially ones my daughter's mixed up in -- what are you doing here at this hour? You're supposed to be getting some sleep. -Hello Nancy. Hi daddy. I know what happened. -Hi daddy. I know what happened. Then you know more than I do -- I haven't even been upstairs. -Then you know more than I do -- I haven't even been upstairs. You know he's dead though, right? -I've got a proposition for you. Listen very carefully, please. Nan, I -- -Nan, I -- Please. I'm gonna go get the guy who did it and bring him to you. I just need you be right there to arrest him. Okay? -Please. I'm gonna go get the guy who did it and bring him to you. I just need you be right there to arrest him. Okay? Just tell me who did it and I'll go get him, baby. -Just tell me who did it and I'll go get him, baby. Fred Krueger did it, Daddy, and only I can get him. It's my nightmare he comes to. --- I want you to come over here and break the door down exactly twenty minutes from now -- can you do that? Sure, but... -Sure, but... That'll be exactly half past midnight. Time for me to fall asleep and find him. -That'll be exactly half past midnight. Time for me to fall asleep and find him. Sure, sure, honey. You just do that -- get yourself some sleep -- that's what I've been saying all along. -Sure, sure, honey. You just do that -- get yourself some sleep -- that's what I've been saying all along. And you'll be here to catch him, right? -Sure, okay, I'll be there. Now you just turn in and get some rest, sweetheart. Please. Deal? Deal. -DAD! GET US OUTTA HERE! Oh, Jesus -- Nancy! Hey! We got a fire! -Lieutenant Thompson. Sorry to wake you, but -- I'd've canned your ass if you hadn't. What you got? -What's the Coroner got to say? Something like a razor was the weapon, but nothing found on the scene. -Looks like her boyfriend did it. Rod Lane. Musician type, arrests for brawling, dope -- Terrific. What the hell was she doing there? -Terrific. What the hell was she doing there? She lived there. -She lived there. I don't mean her -- -Tell her I'm not here, tell her... Uh, she just saw you, sir... -Get outside and watch her house. If you see anything funny call me. 'Anything funny' like what? -Who? Who did that? Krueger. -Krueger. Krueger? -Had to've done it. No one else was in there. How you know that? -How you know that? Cause I thought Glen was gonna sneak out to see your lunatic daughter, that's why. So I locked him in his room! Sorry. Anyways, the door was still locked when we heard the screams. -Maybe god's punishing us all... Keep your head -- this is a fucking flesh and blood killer we're talking about. -Keep your head -- this is a fucking flesh and blood killer we're talking about. Like Rod Lane? -Apparently he was crazy jealous. Nancy said they'd had a fight, Rod and Tina. It wasn't that serious... -It wasn't that serious... Maybe you don't think murder's serious -- -Where you think you're going? School. -School. I could hear you tossing and turning all night, kiddo. You've no business going to school. -Did you sleep? I'll sleep in study hall, promise. I'd rather keep busy, you know? -Right home after. Right home after. See you. -Nancy, don't fall asleep in there. I won't. -I won't. Get into bed. -Get into bed. I will. -What? You're not falling asleep, are you? You could drown, you know. -You're not falling asleep, are you? You could drown, you know. Mother, for petesakes. -Mother, for petesakes. It happens all the time. I've got some warm milk all ready for you. Why don't you jump into bed? I'm gonna turn on your electric blanket, too. C'mon, now. -It happens all the time. I've got some warm milk all ready for you. Why don't you jump into bed? I'm gonna turn on your electric blanket, too. C'mon, now. Warm milk. Gross. -You okay? Great -Great To bed with you, c'mon. -No television, forget the homework, no phone calls. No, Mother. Yes, Mother. No, Mother. -No, Mother. Yes, Mother. No, Mother. And no school tomorrow, either. You take a little vacation, relax and rest for a change. -And no school tomorrow, either. You take a little vacation, relax and rest for a change. Yes, Mother. G'night. -Take this, it'll help you sleep. Right. -I must be going nuts... Nancy? -You okay? Yeah. Just had a little dream. I'm falling right back to sleep. -Yeah. Just had a little dream. I'm falling right back to sleep. Okay... You need anything, just call. -Okay... You need anything, just call. Okay. -Go even crazier? I don't think you're going crazy -- and stop drinking that damn coffee! -I don't think you're going crazy -- and stop drinking that damn coffee! Did you ask Daddy to have the hat examined? -Did you ask Daddy to have the hat examined? I threw that filthy thing away -- I don't know what you're trying to prove with it, but -- -What I learned at the dream clinic, that's what I'm trying to prove. Rod didn't kill Tina, and he didn't hang himself. It's this guy -- he's after us in our dreams. But that's just not reality, Nancy! -It's real, Mamma. Feel it. Put that damned thing down! -Screw sleep! Nancy! -What's with the bars? S'curity. -Mom, I want to know what you know about Fred Krueger. Dead and gone. -Dead and gone. I want to know how, where -- if you don't tell me, I'm going to call daddy. -Your father the cop. That's a good one. Forget Fred Krueger. You don't want to know, believe me. I do want to know. He's not dead and gone -- he's after me and if I sleep he'll get me! I've got to know! -Oh lawyers got fat and the judge got famous, but someone forgot to sign the search warrant in the right place, and Fred Krueger was free, just like that. So he's alive? -Bunch of us parents tracked him down after they let him go. Found him in an old boiler room, just like before. Saw him lying there in that caked red and yellow sweater he always wore, drunk an' asleep with his weird knives by his side... Go on... -All these years you've kept those things buried down here? In our own house? Proof he's declawed. As for him, we buried him good and deep. -Give me the key, mother. I don't even have it on me, so forget it. -Guess I should'n'a done it. Just sleep now, Mom. -Just sleep now, Mom. Just wanted to protect you, Nan. Just wanted to protect you... -Feeling better? They say you've bottomed out when you can't remember the night before. No more drinking, Baby, suddenly I just don't feel like it any more. -We got her mother's bed. You two got the rest. We should get her out of here... -Your old man thinks I did it, don't he? He doesn't know you. Couldn't you change? -He doesn't know you. Couldn't you change? The cops were all over my house. They'll kill me for sure. -The cops were all over my house. They'll kill me for sure. Nobody's gonna kill you. -I never touched her. You were screaming like crazy. -Someone else was there. The door was locked from your side. -And then what happened? I told you. It was dark, but I'm sure there was someone else IN there, under the covers with her. -How could somebody get under the covers with you guys without you knowing it? How the fuck do I know? I don't expect you to believe me. -No. Well then how can you say somebody else was there? -Well then how can you say somebody else was there? Because somebody cut her. While I watched. -What you mean 'all at once'? I mean, it was as if there were four razors cutting her at the same time. But invisible razors. She just... opened up... -Do you think I did it? No. -Rod says the sweetest things. He's nuts about you. -He's nuts about you. Yeah, nuts. -Anyway, I'm too tired to worry about the creep. Couldn't get back to sleep at all. So what you dream? Forget it, the point is, everybody has nightmares once in a while. No biggy. -I can't believe his mother let him come over here. Right. Well, she didn't, exactly... -Nice to have a fire. Really. Turn 'er up a little. -Maybe we should call Rod, have him come over too. He might get jealous. Rod and I are done. He's too much of a maniac. -What you dream? I dreamed about this guy in a dirty red and yellow sweater; I dream in color, y'know; he walked into the room I was in, right, right through the wall, like it was smoke or something, and just stared at me. Sort of... obscenely. Then he walked out through the wall on the other side. Like he'd just come to check me out... -What the hell you doing here? Came to make up, no big deal. Your ma home? -Came to make up, no big deal. Your ma home? Of course. What's that? -You feel better now, right? Jungle man fix Jane. -Jungle man fix Jane. No more fights? -No more fights? No more fights. -No more fights. Good. No more nightmares for either of us then. -When did you have a nightmare? Guys can have nightmares too, y'know. You ain't got a corner on the fucking market or something. -Thank you, Comrade. Have you any money? -Well, here are fifty francs. Thank you, Comrade, thank you. -Thank you, Comrade, thank you. Bring me forty-five back. -Bring me forty-five back. Naturally, Comrade. -What is it, Ninotchka? It's from Paris. -From Leon. From Leon!... How is he?... Come, tell us... open it... tell us... how is he? -Good evening, Anna. Good evening, Ninotchka. -Good evening, Ninotchka. Aren't you late? -Aren't you late? No, the opera starts an hour later tonight on account of the parade. -"They didn't let me. I am in disgrace. Last week at the performance of Carmen I played a sour note. The conductor got so excited he yelled, ""There's sabotage in the string section!""" Too bad... you missed an inspiring day, Anna. -Too bad... you missed an inspiring day, Anna. I know... my heart is sad... but my feet are happy. When all the tanks and guns were roaring over the Red Square I sat here all by myself and played a Beethoven sonata. Not bad at all. Are you expecting someone? -I know... my heart is sad... but my feet are happy. When all the tanks and guns were roaring over the Red Square I sat here all by myself and played a Beethoven sonata. Not bad at all. Are you expecting someone? A few friends... just a little dinner party. -A few friends... just a little dinner party. What are you serving? -What are you serving? An omelet. -An omelet. An omelet! Aren't you living a little above your ration? -An omelet! Aren't you living a little above your ration? Well, I've saved up two eggs and each of my friends is bringing his own so we'll manage. -Well, I've saved up two eggs and each of my friends is bringing his own so we'll manage. It just goes to prove the theory of our State. If you stand alone it means a boiled egg but if you're true to the collective spirit and stick together you've got an omelet. That reminds me... have you heard the latest they're telling about the Kremlin? -I'll tell you later. That Gurganov, you never know whether he's on his way to the washroom or the Secret Police. You should be more careful, Anna. -You should be more careful, Anna. And you too, Ninotchka. -And you too, Ninotchka. About what? -About what? Ever since you have been back from Paris... -Ever since you have been back from Paris... I haven't talked to anyone about Paris. I haven't said a word. -I haven't talked to anyone about Paris. I haven't said a word. That's just it. It makes people feel queer. I dont' want you to get in any trouble. -That's just it. It makes people feel queer. I dont' want you to get in any trouble. I have nothing to hide. -I have nothing to hide. You should. I'll show you. -When I passed through the laundry yard today I saw all the women huddled around this so I brought it up here. Things like this create a bad feeling. First they didn't know whose it was. Then they saw the Paris label and did it start a commotion! Some said it's what we all ought to wear and others said it's like hanging foreign ideas on our clothesline. It undermines our whole cause. I see. -I see. You know how it is today... all you have to do is wear a pair of silk stockings and they suspect you of counter-revolution. -You know how it is today... all you have to do is wear a pair of silk stockings and they suspect you of counter-revolution. Thank you, Anna. I'll dry it up here when I wash it next. I should hate to see our country endangered by my underwear. -Thank you, Anna. I'll dry it up here when I wash it next. I should hate to see our country endangered by my underwear. Ninotchka, you know I am your friend, you can trust me.... Did you bring back anything else? -No, I left everything in Paris. I just happened to be wearing this. Tell me... what else did you have? -Tell me... what else did you have? Well, a hat... -Well, a hat... What was it like? -What was it like? It was very silly.... I would be ashamed to wear it here. -It was very silly.... I would be ashamed to wear it here. As beautiful as that? What else? Come, tell me. -As beautiful as that? What else? Come, tell me. An evening gown. -An evening gown. Evening gown? -Evening gown? A dress you wear in the evening. -A dress you wear in the evening. What do you wear in the morning? -What do you wear in the morning? When you get up you put on a negligee, and then you change to a morning frock. -When you get up you put on a negligee, and then you change to a morning frock. You mean to tell me you wear a different dress for different times of the day? -You mean to tell me you wear a different dress for different times of the day? Yes. -Yes. Now, Ninotchka, you're exaggerating. -Now, Ninotchka, you're exaggerating. No, my dear, it is true. That's how they live in the other world. Here we dress to have our bodies covered... to keep warm.... -No, my dear, it is true. That's how they live in the other world. Here we dress to have our bodies covered... to keep warm.... And there? -And there? Well, sometimes they're not completely covered but... they don't freeze. -Well, sometimes they're not completely covered but... they don't freeze. They must have wonderful materials to make a thing like this so soft... something you don't even see. -They must have wonderful materials to make a thing like this so soft... something you don't even see. You feel it, though. -You feel it, though. Ninotchka, I wouldn't bring this up if we weren't such good friends. -Ninotchka, I wouldn't bring this up if we weren't such good friends. What is it, Anna? -What is it, Anna? You know I told you that Pavlov and I are going to get married when he comes back from the maneuvers. Would it be asking too much... -You know I told you that Pavlov and I are going to get married when he comes back from the maneuvers. Would it be asking too much... You want this? -You want this? Just for the honeymoon. -Just for the honeymoon. You can have it for good. It is my wedding present. -Are you the Buljanoff who fought on the barricades? And now you are afraid to take a room with a bath? I don't want to go to Siberia. -Comrades! Comrades! Don't let's give in so quickly. After all we have to uphold the prestige of Russia. All right, let's uphold it for another ten minutes. -You wouldn't like Razinin. He's a bad man. Sends people to Siberia! -And how is Lord Lavenham? ...and little Lady Beatrice? -Are we free, Buljanoff? Possibly. -No, that's not him... Positively not! -That's her. Imagine! The niece of the Czar opening the door for us. -Imagine! The niece of the Czar opening the door for us. Once in Petersburg I was driving down the Nevsky Prospect in my cart and Her Highness in her troika swept down from the opposite direction, and when I couldn't make way quick enough she spat in my face. -You must help us, Leon... if you don't win her over we're on our way to Siberia! Or it might be the firing squad! -Or it might be the firing squad! Or we can't go back to Russia! -Imagine, for once in our lives we were in Paris and we never went to the Eiffel Tower. That's right. -If you hadn't given Commissar Razinin such a wonderful report about us, who knows what would have happened? I can tell you exactly. -A little more tact... look how nicely she's fixed the table -- all for us. How nicely you've fixed the table, Ninotchka. -Can you blame them?... at least the May Day parade is over. That's another thing... it's spring. -It is, Ninotchka! It is! He must have been in Paris! You can see it in his whole attitude! He just picked up a crumb of our black bread, shook his head, and dropped it. If you asked him why he left France I bet he couldn't name one good reason. -If you asked him why he left France I bet he couldn't name one good reason. I should be a swallow! Right now I would be sitting in front of the Café de Paris picking up flakes of French pastry that would melt in my bill. -Let's fill it with confitures, des prunes... ...des raisins de Madère, des framboises... -And the surprise is there's nothing in it. I know, but if we can't put in all these wonderful things at least let's put in some imagination. In that one omelet we'll taste the whole of Paris! -We are not comrades any more... we are friends, Ninotchka. Imagine, we don't have to whisper any longer. -...it may step out of a bazaar... it may wait for you in a corridor... it may hide in the shadow of a minaret.... Right now it's on the balcony. -Just a minute -- just a minute -- I have nothing against the idea but I still say let's go back to the Hotel Terminus. Moscow made our reservations there, we are on an official mission, and we have no right to change the orders of our superior. Where is your courage, Comrade Buljanoff? -Now Comrades, I warn you... if it gets out in Moscow that we stay in the Royal Suite we will get into terrible trouble. We'll just say we had to take it on account of the safe. That's a perfect excuse. There was no other safe big enough. -Capitalistic methods... They accumulate millions by taking loss after loss. -He's cutting our throat... But what can we do?... We have to accept. -We don't like Razinin. We like you, Leon -- don't we like Leon? -Misha! Misha! What is it? -What is it? A telegram from Moscow! It must have been here all day! -That must be the one! Yes, he looks like a comrade! -We had to take it on account of the safe. For ourselves... we are much happier now since we moved to a little room next to the servants' quarters. -And Leonitchka! What she said about us...! And they might believe her in Moscow. -And they might believe her in Moscow. What do you mean they might -- they will! -Yes! We could stay with Leon! Leon, how would you like to have three lifelong friends? -You know what they say -- there's nothing like home. That's right... and we might as well face it. -Let's be happy that we're all alive. And that's something we owe to Ninotchka. -What a lovely room you have here. How many families live here with you? -She's right... anyhow let's talk ourselves into it. Just see how happy the people look... from here.... -And if it is too late for you your children will eat it. Let's forget the future... let's stop being sentimental... let's start that omelet. -We can say whatever we want. We can shout... we can complain... Look... The service in this hotel is terrible! See? Nobody comes... nobody pays any attention. That's freedom. No, that's bad management. -Is there anything I can do for you, monsieur? No, no. -I am Comrade Buljanoff. Monsieur. -Monsieur. May I ask how much your rooms are? -May I ask how much your rooms are? Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid our rates are rather high. -Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid our rates are rather high. Why should you be afraid? -How are things in Moscow? Very good. The last mass trials were a great success. There are going to be fewer but better Russians. -This is the apartment we have reserved for you, Comrade Yakushova. I hope you like it. Which part of the room is mine? -Which lawyer? You didn't get legal advice? -You didn't get legal advice? We didn't want to get mixed up with lawyers. They are very expensive here. If you just say hello to a lawyer... well, there goes another cow. -Comrade Buljanoff... Yes, Comrade? -Yes, Comrade? Do you spell Buljanoff with one or two f's? -Do you spell Buljanoff with one or two f's? With two f's, if you please. -Is there anything I can do, Comrade? You might get me an accurate map of Paris. I want to use my spare time to inspect the public utilities and make a study of all outstanding technical achievements in the city. -You might get me an accurate map of Paris. I want to use my spare time to inspect the public utilities and make a study of all outstanding technical achievements in the city. Yes, Comrade. -There's something else which I know will appeal to you. A visit to the Paris sewers. They tell me it is extremely instructive. Huh?... Why don't you get a haircut, Buljanoff? You all look so wintry, Comrades. And why do we always keep the windows closed? Isn't it amazing, at home there's still snow and ice and here... Look at the birds. I always felt a little hurt that our swallows deserted us in the winter for capitalistic countries. Now I know why. We have the high ideal but they have the climate... well, Comrades, I don't think I need you any more. -Now let's forget everything except that we're together. That's right. -Let's not close our eyes. There are many good things to see here too. I think I need my glasses. -Comrades... I'm out of the omelet. Don't worry... there will be enough. -It is high time you got out of Russia. I must be stern with you. -Don't forget, the day will come when you will have to face Razinin. Good old Razinin! Is he still alive? How does he manage? -Good old Razinin! Is he still alive? How does he manage? But, Comrades... -Is it possible to bring you back to reality for a moment? I must have a complete report of your negotiations and a detailed expense account. "Don't ask for it, Ninotchka. There is a Turkish proverb which says, ""If something smells bad, why put your nose in it?""" -"Don't ask for it, Ninotchka. There is a Turkish proverb which says, ""If something smells bad, why put your nose in it?""" "And there is a Russian saying: ""The cat who has cream on his whiskers had better find good excuses.""" -"And there is a Russian saying: ""The cat who has cream on his whiskers had better find good excuses.""" With our cream situation what it is, it is Russia which should apologize to the cats. -With our cream situation what it is, it is Russia which should apologize to the cats. Friends... friends, Buljanoff, Iranoff... -"All you have to do is say ""open sesame.""" I don't know how I can get you out of it this time. How will it end? What will happen to you? -I don't know how I can get you out of it this time. How will it end? What will happen to you? Shall we tell her? -Guest? We have opened a restaurant... -We are not only serving good food, we are serving our country... we are making friends. Who gave you this idea? What is responsible for all this? -You think because you represent the former Duchess... The Duchess... -The Duchess... The former Duchess! -The former Duchess! In any case, gentlemen, a charming, beautiful, exquisite woman. I warn you, if this case comes to trial it will be before a French court, and when the Duchess takes the stand... -Not that we are giving in one inch, but tell us... what is in your mind? Well, gentlemen, how about my proposition? -About this telegram to Moscow. Why should you bother? I'll write it for you. Leon... Leonitchka... Why are you so good to us? -Didn't we put up a strong resistance? Oh, yes, yes. -Boys, boys... don't forget Russia is your mother country. Three sons walking out all at once... that's too much for any mother. Well, if your mother turns against you, you have to look for someone to adopt you. -Good morning, Your Highness. Good morning, Gaston. -Good morning, Gaston. Count d'Algout is still asleep. -Count d'Algout is still asleep. That's all right. -Nonsense. How can you fight the Reds and make yourself agreeable to the Whites if you don't keep up your strength. Shall I draw your bath, sir? -A blue shirt, perhaps? Blue? Let's offset his mood. Find a striped one, and brighten it with a great blaze of tie. -Blue? Let's offset his mood. Find a striped one, and brighten it with a great blaze of tie. Very well, Your Highness. -Good evening, Gaston. Good evening, Monsieur. -Count d'Algout, there have been several telephone... Go to bed. -Your breakfast, monsieur. I don't feel like any breakfast. -What time have you, Gaston? Eight forty-two, sir. -Eight forty-two, sir. I guess it is eight forty-two. -I guess it is eight forty-two. You seem to be a bit nervous, sir. -You seem to be a bit nervous, sir. I am, Gaston. -I am, Gaston. If you will forgive me, ever since you met that Bolshevik lady I've noticed a distinct change in you, sir. -If you will forgive me, ever since you met that Bolshevik lady I've noticed a distinct change in you, sir. Have you? -Have you? Decidedly. Yesterday I was greatly amazed when I came from the market and found that you had made your bed, sir. -Decidedly. Yesterday I was greatly amazed when I came from the market and found that you had made your bed, sir. And Gaston, I was happier all day long. I felt I'd contributed something. -And Gaston, I was happier all day long. I felt I'd contributed something. Well, sir, if you should do it again, which I hope you won't, please remember the order. Counterpane, blanket, blanket, sheet, sheet. -Well, sir, if you should do it again, which I hope you won't, please remember the order. Counterpane, blanket, blanket, sheet, sheet. Ah, there's something poetic about the simple processes of labor. Counterpane, blanket, blanket, sheet, sheet... it should be set to music! -Ah, there's something poetic about the simple processes of labor. Counterpane, blanket, blanket, sheet, sheet... it should be set to music! May I add, sir, that it was with great amazement that I found a copy of Karl Marx's Capital on your night table. That is a socialistic volume which I refuse to so much as dust, sir. I view with alarm, sir, the influence over you of this Bolshevik lady. -May I add, sir, that it was with great amazement that I found a copy of Karl Marx's Capital on your night table. That is a socialistic volume which I refuse to so much as dust, sir. I view with alarm, sir, the influence over you of this Bolshevik lady. I can't follow you, Gaston, isn't it about time that you realized the unfairness of your position? You being my servant? Wouldn't you like to stand on an equal footing with me? -I can't follow you, Gaston, isn't it about time that you realized the unfairness of your position? You being my servant? Wouldn't you like to stand on an equal footing with me? No, sir. -No, sir. Isn't there any revolt in you? Sometimes when I order you around don't you feel like kicking me in the pants? -Isn't there any revolt in you? Sometimes when I order you around don't you feel like kicking me in the pants? No, sir. -No, sir. "Oh, you're a reactionary! Don't you look forward to the day when you can come in here and stand square on your two feet and say, ""Hey, you, d'Algout! from now on it's going to be share and share alike""?" -"Oh, you're a reactionary! Don't you look forward to the day when you can come in here and stand square on your two feet and say, ""Hey, you, d'Algout! from now on it's going to be share and share alike""?" Emphatically not, sir. The prospect terrifies me. Now, don't misunderstand me, sir, I don't resent your not paying me for the past two months, but the thought that I should split my bank account with you... that you should take half of my life's savings... that is really too much for me. -Your Highness... Yes, General Savitzky? -Yes, General Savitzky? I want you to know all the White Russian exiles in Paris are keeping their fingers crossed about the jewels. They are very interested in the case. Swana suspects her countrymen. -I want you to know all the White Russian exiles in Paris are keeping their fingers crossed about the jewels. They are very interested in the case. Swana suspects her countrymen. Are they indeed? Thank you. -Are they indeed? Thank you. They hope the settlement will bring you a fortune. -They hope the settlement will bring you a fortune. General, please... if you hear any rumors that I am a charitable person, will you please kill them at their source? -You're looking magnificent, Leon... ...isn't he, General Savitzky? Yes. -General, would you mind making my excuses at our table? I'll be back in a few moments. Certainly. -Good evening, Your Highness. Good evening, Louis. You seem to be very crowded tonight. Can you manage a table near the floor? -Good evening, Louis. You seem to be very crowded tonight. Can you manage a table near the floor? Certainly, Your Highness, this way please... Count d'Algout made the reservation this afternoon. -Certainly, Your Highness, this way please... Count d'Algout made the reservation this afternoon. Count d'Algout... -Count d'Algout... It is only a small table but it will be no trouble to put in some extra chairs. -Only one in the rear, I'm afraid. That's perfect! -Is this satisfactory? Thank you, Louis. -Comrades, why should we lie to each other? It's wonderful. Let's be honest. Have we anything like it in Russia? -They tell me when you ring once the valet comes in; when you ring twice you get the waiter; and do you know what happens when you ring three times? A maid comes in -- a French maid. Comrades, if we ring nine times... let's go in. -I don't want to go to the Hotel Terminus. "If Lenin were alive he would say, ""Buljanoff, Comrade, for once in your life you're in Paris. Don't be a fool. Go in there and ring three times.""" -"If Lenin were alive he would say, ""Buljanoff, Comrade, for once in your life you're in Paris. Don't be a fool. Go in there and ring three times.""" "He wouldn't say that. What he would say is ""Buljanoff, you can't afford to live in a cheap hotel. Doesn't the prestige of the Bolsheviks mean anything to you? Do you want to live in a hotel where you press for the hot water and cold water comes and when you press for the cold water nothing comes out at all? Phooey, Buljanoff!""" -We can wait. Do we give the impression of people who are pressed for money? -You know, Monsieur Mercier, this is all non-sense. These may have been the jewels of the Duchess Swana, but, like all private property, they were confiscated by the State. -We can call our ambassador. I give you my word! They were confiscated legally! -That won't help you! You can't intimidate us! Soviet Russia will put all its might behind this case. -Yes, Leon... What is it, my boy? -Leon, my little boy. Oh, Leon, you are so good. -Halt negotiations immediately. Envoy extraordinary arrives Thursday six ten with full power. Your authority cancelled herewith. Razinin. It is Thursday! -This is a fine thing. Maybe we've missed him already. How can you find somebody without knowing what he looks like? -We don't blame you, Leon, but when we came from Russia we believed in simplicity... We avoided luxury and extravagance and today... well, if you were to offer us a glass of champagne, we wouldn't say no. -They tell me it has a wonderful restaurant on the second floor. While you eat, you look at the view. -Let's do that. It's a real Paris reunion. -It's a real Paris reunion. If you close your eyes and listen to our voices we might be in Paris. -...des petites fraises des bois... de la crème de Bretagne... ...so it blows up that big... what they call an Omelette Surprise! -Well, I think it's getting late. Good night, Ninotchka. Thank you for a wonderful dinner. -That was our idea when we first came. All we thought we would get out of this trip was a Turkish bath, but... we learned better. Ninotchka, we are in the magic East, the country of Aladdin and His Lamp... -Ninotchka, we are in the magic East, the country of Aladdin and His Lamp... ...Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves... into one single hour you can crowd a thousand and one nights. -Don't call it desertion. Our little restaurant... that is our Russia... the Russia of borscht, the Russia of beef Stroganoff, blinis with sour cream... ...the Russia of piroshki... people will eat and love it. -There's something in Constantinople... something irresistible.... ...it is in the air... it may come around the corner as you walk down the street.... -We don't want to be disturbed. My name is Count d'Algout. I telephoned. -My name is Count d'Algout. I telephoned. If you want to see us you must come later. -If you want to see us you must come later. I just want a word with Monsieur Mercier. -I just want a word with Monsieur Mercier. But you can't... -Well, gentlemen... how about a little lunch? Get out of here! -Get out of here! Don't look so gloomy, gentlemen. All is not lost. You may have a chance. -All right, go ahead, get her on the witness stand! What can she say? But how will she look? The fashions this spring are very becoming to her. Gentlemen, the judge will be French, the jury will be French, everybody in that courtroom will be French. Have you ever seen a French court when a beautiful woman sits on the witness stand and lifts her skirt a little? You sit down and pull up your pants and where will it get you? -But how will she look? The fashions this spring are very becoming to her. Gentlemen, the judge will be French, the jury will be French, everybody in that courtroom will be French. Have you ever seen a French court when a beautiful woman sits on the witness stand and lifts her skirt a little? You sit down and pull up your pants and where will it get you? I suppose you expect us to hand over the jewels? -I suppose you expect us to hand over the jewels? Oh, no, no. I am not a highwayman, I'm just a nuisance. All I'm trying to do is make things as difficult as possible. -What proposition? I just said let's have a little lunch. Room service. -What's the name of that Commissar on the Board of Trade? Razinin. -Razinin. Razinin, Board of Trade, Moscow. -And if we have to go to Siberia... I'll send you a muff. -She says she won't be intimidated by parasites. She called the Duchess a blood-sucking aristocrat and a blackmailer. What did she say about me? -What did she say about me? I think she covered you with the parasites. -You found your way to us and we weren't easy to reach, were we? No, no. -I am looking for Michael Simonovitch Iranoff. I am Michael Simonovitch Iranoff. -I am Michael Simonovitch Iranoff. I am Nina Ivanovna Yakushova, Envoy Extraordinary, acting under direct orders of Comrade Commissar Razinin. Present me to your colleagues. -Comrade Buljanoff... Comrade. -Comrade. Comrade Kopalski... -Comrade Kopalski... Comrade. -Comrade. What a charming idea for Moscow to surprise us with a lady comrade. -How much does this cost? Two thousand francs. -Two thousand francs. A week? -A week? A day. -A day. Do you know how much a cow costs, Comrade Iranoff? -Do you know how much a cow costs, Comrade Iranoff? A cow? -A cow? Two thousand francs. If I stay here a week I will cost the Russian people seven cows. Who am I to cost the Russian people seven cows? -Well, it means another two weeks in Paris. Too bad we have to waste all that time. -Come, now, you must not talk that way.... You have to adjust yourselves.... We must be brave. Brave... that's right. -Only myself and two other girls. One is a cello player in the opera and the other a street-car conductor. Just three people in a room this size? Whew! -Bad news? Look for yourselves. -But Buljanoff, Iranoff, Kopalski... Now, please, Ninotchka, don't start figuring it out in cows. -Now, please, Ninotchka, don't start figuring it out in cows. You've done it again and I am responsible. How can you forget yourselves this way? You were sent here to make money, not to spend it. -You've done it again and I am responsible. How can you forget yourselves this way? You were sent here to make money, not to spend it. Buljanoff, she still has those old- fashioned Bolshevik ideas. -"...we have a wonderful electric sign: ""Dine With Buljanof, Iranoff, and Kopalski.""" You mean you are deserting Russia? -Yes, monsieur? Just looking around. -This is Comrade Kopalski. Monsieur. -I might be able to accommodate you. Is there some more luggage? Oh, yes, but have you a safe here big enough to hold this? -Oh, yes, but have you a safe here big enough to hold this? I'm afraid we have no boxes of that size in our vault, but there is one suite with a private safe... -I'm afraid we have no boxes of that size in our vault, but there is one suite with a private safe... That's even better. -That's even better. But, gentlemen, I am afraid... -A Special Envoy is coming from Moscow. He'll occupy the Royal Suite. Move our things to the smallest room you've got. Yes, monsieur. -Yes, monsieur. Right away... instantly! -Now, monsieur, you have no right... Just a moment. I hope you haven't closed this deal, Monsieur Mercier. It might bring you into serious difficulties. -We may have a chance. Yes... a very slim one. I want to be fair. I don't deny that you might make out some kind of a case. -Yes... a very slim one. I want to be fair. I don't deny that you might make out some kind of a case. We haven't anything to discuss with you. We'll talk to a lawyer! -We haven't anything to discuss with you. We'll talk to a lawyer! All right -- go ahead... you talk to the lawyer and I'll talk to the judge! -How does this strike you? Commissar Razinin, Board of Trade, Moscow. Unexpected situation here. Duchess Swana in Paris claims jewels, and has already brought injunction against sale or removal. After long and careful study we suggest in the interest of our beloved country a fifty-fifty settlement as best solution. Iranoff, Buljanoff, and Kopalski. If we say that, Leon... we'll be sent to Siberia! -What's new? Leon, Leonitchka, she is not going to negotiate! She is going to fight that injunction. She's going to make a precedent of it! -Well, boys, I'd like to help you but what can I do? Yesterday I waited six hours in the lobby! She doesn't leave her room! She has been locked in for the last two days with lawyers and law books! -She doesn't leave her room! She has been locked in for the last two days with lawyers and law books! All right, then make an appointment with her so I can see her! -All right, then make an appointment with her so I can see her! We can't... but you are so ingenious, Leon... -If we had known we would have greeted you with flowers. Don't make an issue of my womanhood. We are here for work... all of us. Let's not waste time. Shall we go? -He is a porter. He wants to carry them. Why?... Why should you carry other people's bags? -Allow me, Comrade. No, thank you. -What's that? It's a hat, Comrade, a woman's hat. -I am ashamed to put the picture of Lenin in a room like this. Comrades, your telegram was received with great disfavor in Moscow. We did our best, Comrade. -We did our best, Comrade. I hope so for your sake. Let us examine the case. What does the lawyer say? -We dealt directly with the representative of the Grand Duchess. I am sure if we call him he will give you a very clear picture. I will not repeat your mistake. I will have no dealings with the Grand Duchess nor her representative. -Will you send me some cigarettes, please? Comrades, I am not in a position to pass final judgment but at best you have been careless in your duty to the State. You were entrusted with more than a mere sale of jewelry. Why are we peddling our precious possessions to the world at this time? Our next year's crop is in danger and you know it. Unless we can get foreign currency to buy tractors there will not be enough bread for our people. And you three comrades... We did it with the best intentions... -We did it with the best intentions... We cannot feed the Russian people on your intentions. Fifty per cent to a so-called Duchess!... Half of every loaf of bread to our enemy! Comrade Kopalski, go at once to our Embassy and get the address of the best lawyer in Paris. -We cannot feed the Russian people on your intentions. Fifty per cent to a so-called Duchess!... Half of every loaf of bread to our enemy! Comrade Kopalski, go at once to our Embassy and get the address of the best lawyer in Paris. Yes, Comrade. -Yes, Comrade. You, Comrade Iranoff, go to the Public Library and get me the section of the Civil Code on property. -I acted on your suggestion and got in touch with the Power and Light authorities. Whenever you want to visit their plants they are open to you. Oh yes, Power and Light. Thank you. -If there is anything we can do for you... No, not a thing. Would you like to go out? -How are you, you three scoundrels? Well, we're back home. -And your own gas cooker? That's marvelous! Naturally it's not the Royal Suite... Sssh! Once and for all, we're in Moscow! -Sssh! Once and for all, we're in Moscow! Yes, there's no doubt of that... Just look out of the window and there it is. -Yes, there's no doubt of that... Just look out of the window and there it is. And it's great! Think what it was a few years ago and what it is now. -The same spring we had in Paris. Just as good. Even the swallows are back. -Now, comrades... there is something better in life than crumbs of French pastry. Yes, a good piece of apfel strudel.... -Yes, a good piece of apfel strudel.... We will get that... we'll get everything... maybe a little bit later but we'll get it... We must be patient... Finally we got the spring, didn't we? We got the swallows, and you will get your apfel strudel too. -...and Kopalski. Don't make it difficult for me. This is no more a pleasure trip for me than it is for you. -I'm sorry, gentlemen. The other day I heard such a funny story... It still makes me laugh. It is very funny. I am sorry. Oh yes... about this injunction... The hearing is set for the twentieth of this month. -The hearing is set for the twentieth of this month. That's two weeks from Thursday... -That's two weeks from Thursday... We did our utmost to have it set ahead. -We did our utmost to have it set ahead. I know, gentlemen, but it is in the hands of the Court. We're helpless, aren't we? -I know, gentlemen, but it is in the hands of the Court. We're helpless, aren't we? Yes. It is unfortunate. -Yes. It is unfortunate. Well, there's nothing we can do about it. Why get excited? -We'll leave these papers here for your further consideration. Au revoir, madame. Au revoir. -Give me another double brandy. That kind of propaganda is bad anywhere, but inciting the attendants of a powder room to go on strike.... Well, if she succeeds the consequences will be disastrous. -That kind of propaganda is bad anywhere, but inciting the attendants of a powder room to go on strike.... Well, if she succeeds the consequences will be disastrous. What can I do about it? -What can I do about it? She has been asked to leave the powder room but without success. We would appreciate if you would see to it yourself. -She has been asked to leave the powder room but without success. We would appreciate if you would see to it yourself. You want me to go in there? -You want me to go in there? I'm sorry, sir, but I must insist. -Pardon me, I am very interested in what you just said -- you mean when an envoy goes back to Russia -- if they don't like what he has done they put him out of the way? Not always... look at me... I've been back twice. -Not always... look at me... I've been back twice. Here's my passport.... Please give me a visa. I have to leave for Russia immediately. -Here's my passport.... Please give me a visa. I have to leave for Russia immediately. Count Leon d'Algout... a count!... a nobleman! -Count Leon d'Algout... a count!... a nobleman! Don't hold that against me... please! -Don't hold that against me... please! Why should an aristocrat want to go to Russia? -Why should an aristocrat want to go to Russia? Business. -Business. What business? -What business? Private. -Private. There is no privacy in Russia. This whole thing seems very suspicious. What's the real reason? If you ever want to get into Russia, take my advice... confess! -There is no privacy in Russia. This whole thing seems very suspicious. What's the real reason? If you ever want to get into Russia, take my advice... confess! Confess what? -Confess what? Are you sympathetic to the former Czaristic government -- the White Russians? -Are you sympathetic to the former Czaristic government -- the White Russians? On the contrary -- I don't want to have anything to do with them. -On the contrary -- I don't want to have anything to do with them. You believe in our cause? -She must have her little joke. You're not going to take that seriously. The Grand Duchess Swana... active in the White Russian movement? -The Grand Duchess Swana... active in the White Russian movement? Believe me, I have no connection with her any longer... I swear I haven't! -Believe me, I have no connection with her any longer... I swear I haven't! But you had! -But you had! Listen, I want to be absolutely frank with you. I have no business in Moscow. -Listen, I want to be absolutely frank with you. I have no business in Moscow. I think so too. -I think so too. I want to see a friend of mine... a very dear friend.... It's a personal matter which has nothing to do with politics or social philosophies.... It's a girl. -I want to see a friend of mine... a very dear friend.... It's a personal matter which has nothing to do with politics or social philosophies.... It's a girl. So it's love which drags you to Moscow. -So it's love which drags you to Moscow. Yes! -Yes! No visa. -No visa. I must get into that country of yours! -I must get into that country of yours! Oh no. No visa. -Oh no. No visa. That's impossible! Nobody has the right.... You can't do that!... If you don't give me that visa... -That's impossible! Nobody has the right.... You can't do that!... If you don't give me that visa... You're going to force us... huh? -You're going to force us... huh? Now look here... you advertise all over the world that you want people to go into your country and when someone tries to get in, you keep him out! -Now look here... you advertise all over the world that you want people to go into your country and when someone tries to get in, you keep him out! Why should I take a chance? -Why should I take a chance? On what? -On what? How do I know you don't want to blow up a factory? -How do I know you don't want to blow up a factory? What for... why? -What for... why? Or a tunnel or a bridge... -Or a tunnel or a bridge... Suspicions... nothing but suspicions!... That's the trouble with you! If you don't let me in I'll stand in front of this office of yours and warn people to keep away from Russia!... I'll picket your whole country.... -You, please. Me? -Me? Yes. Could you give me some information? -Yes. Could you give me some information? Gladly. -Gladly. How long do we have to wait here? -How long do we have to wait here? Well -- until the policeman whistles again. -Well -- until the policeman whistles again. At what intervals does he whistle? -At what intervals does he whistle? What? -What? How many minutes between the first and second whistle? -How many minutes between the first and second whistle? That's funny. It's interesting. I never gave it a thought before. -That's funny. It's interesting. I never gave it a thought before. Have you never been caught in a similar situation? -Have you never been caught in a similar situation? Have I? Do you know when I come to think about it it's staggering. If I add it all up I must have spent years waiting for signals. Imagine! An important part of my life wasted between whistles. -Have I? Do you know when I come to think about it it's staggering. If I add it all up I must have spent years waiting for signals. Imagine! An important part of my life wasted between whistles. In other words you don't know. -In other words you don't know. No. -No. Thank you. -Thank you. You're welcome. -Can I help you? You might hold this for me. -You might hold this for me. Love to. -Love to. Correct me if I am wrong... We are facing north, aren't we? -Correct me if I am wrong... We are facing north, aren't we? Facing north... I'd hate to commit myself without my compass... Pardon me... are you an explorer? -Facing north... I'd hate to commit myself without my compass... Pardon me... are you an explorer? No... I am looking for the Eiffel Tower. -No... I am looking for the Eiffel Tower. Is that thing lost again?... Listen... if you are interested in a view... -Is that thing lost again?... Listen... if you are interested in a view... I am interested in the Eiffel Tower from a technical standpoint. -I am interested in the Eiffel Tower from a technical standpoint. Technical... I couldn't help you from that angle. You see, a real Parisian only goes to the top of the tower in moments of despair to jump off. -Technical... I couldn't help you from that angle. You see, a real Parisian only goes to the top of the tower in moments of despair to jump off. How long does it take a man to land? -How long does it take a man to land? Now, isn't that too bad! The last time I jumped I forgot to clock it! Let me see... Eiffel Tower... Your finger, please. -Why do you need my finger? Bad manners to point with your own... Here... the Eiffel Tower. -Bad manners to point with your own... Here... the Eiffel Tower. And where are we? -And where are we? Here... here we are... here you are and here I am... feel it? -Here... here we are... here you are and here I am... feel it? I am interested only in the shortest distance between these two points. Must you flirt? -I am interested only in the shortest distance between these two points. Must you flirt? I don't have to but I find it natural. -I don't have to but I find it natural. Suppress it. -Suppress it. I'll try. -For my own information would you call your approach toward me typical of the local morale? Madame, it is that kind of approach which has made Paris what it is. -Madame, it is that kind of approach which has made Paris what it is. You are very sure of yourself, aren't you? -You are very sure of yourself, aren't you? Nothing has occurred recently to shake my confidence. -Nothing has occurred recently to shake my confidence. I have heard of the arrogant male in capitalistic society. It is having a superior earning power that makes you like that. -I have heard of the arrogant male in capitalistic society. It is having a superior earning power that makes you like that. A Russian! I love Russians! Comrade... I have been fascinated by your Five- Year Plan for the past fifteen years! -A Russian! I love Russians! Comrade... I have been fascinated by your Five- Year Plan for the past fifteen years! Your type will soon be extinct. -The foundation is one hundred and forty-one yards square... I hope you'll forgive me but I thought you'd... Go ahead. -Four massive piers of masonry are sunk to a depth of forty-six feet on the side of the Seine, and twenty- nine and one-half feet on the other side. The girders of interlaced iron- work which stay the structure have an inclination of fifty-four degrees... That's a strange angle. -That's a strange angle. Yes, very strange. -You gave me some very valuable information. Thank you. And thank you for getting me up here. I've never seen this before. Beautiful, isn't it? -And thank you for getting me up here. I've never seen this before. Beautiful, isn't it? Yes, it is. -Yes, it is. I'm glad I saw it before becoming extinct. -I'm glad I saw it before becoming extinct. Do not misunderstand me. I do not hold your frivolity against you. As basic material you might not be bad, but you are the unfortunate product of a doomed culture. I feel sorry for you. -Do not misunderstand me. I do not hold your frivolity against you. As basic material you might not be bad, but you are the unfortunate product of a doomed culture. I feel sorry for you. You must admit that this doomed old civilization sparkles... It glitters! -I do not deny its beauty, but it is a waste of electricity. What a city! There are the Grands Boulevards... blasted out of the heart of the old streets. The Arc de Triomphe... made to greet Napoleon's army. The Opera! And Montmartre... Montparnasse... La Bohème... and now I'll show you the greatest attraction! It will cost me a franc but it is worth it. The most wonderful spot in all Paris -- unique! Here, look.... What do you see? -What a city! There are the Grands Boulevards... blasted out of the heart of the old streets. The Arc de Triomphe... made to greet Napoleon's army. The Opera! And Montmartre... Montparnasse... La Bohème... and now I'll show you the greatest attraction! It will cost me a franc but it is worth it. The most wonderful spot in all Paris -- unique! Here, look.... What do you see? I see a house that looks like any other house. What's remarkable about it? -I see a house that looks like any other house. What's remarkable about it? It's not the structure but the spirit which dwells within. There are three rooms and a kitchenette dedicated to hospitality. -It's not the structure but the spirit which dwells within. There are three rooms and a kitchenette dedicated to hospitality. So that is your house? -So that is your house? Well, let's say I live in it. Such a pleasant place... all kinds of comfort, easy to reach, close to street car, bus, and subway... -Well, let's say I live in it. Such a pleasant place... all kinds of comfort, easy to reach, close to street car, bus, and subway... Does that mean that you want me to go there? -Does that mean that you want me to go there? Please don't misunderstand me... -Please don't misunderstand me... Then you don't want me to go there. -Then you don't want me to go there. Now I didn't say that either... naturally nothing would please me more. -Now I didn't say that either... naturally nothing would please me more. Then why don't we go? You might be an interesting subject of study. -Then why don't we go? You might be an interesting subject of study. I will do my best. -"Is this what you call the ""butler""?" Yes. -Yes. Good evening, comrade. This man is horribly old. You should not make him work. -Good evening, comrade. This man is horribly old. You should not make him work. He takes good care of that. -He takes good care of that. He looks sad. Do you whip him? -He looks sad. Do you whip him? No, though the mere thought makes my mouth water. -No, though the mere thought makes my mouth water. The day will come when you will be free. Go to bed, little father. We want to be alone. -Well, may I offer you a drink, or how about something to eat? Thank you. I've had all the calories necessary for today. -What do we do now? We take off our hat and coat. We sit down -- we make ourselves comfortable. We adjust ourselves to the prospect of a most enjoyable evening. We look at each other. We smile. Well... we don't smile. How about some music? -We take off our hat and coat. We sit down -- we make ourselves comfortable. We adjust ourselves to the prospect of a most enjoyable evening. We look at each other. We smile. Well... we don't smile. How about some music? Is that customary? -Is that customary? It helps. It has ever since King David wooed Bathsheba with the harp. As I am not so fortunate as to have my harp at hand, I shall turn on the radio. -It helps. It has ever since King David wooed Bathsheba with the harp. As I am not so fortunate as to have my harp at hand, I shall turn on the radio. I should say this room is eighteen by twenty-five. -I should say this room is eighteen by twenty-five. Not too big and not too small. What I'd call the typical room of an average man. Or shall we say a little above average. Now if there are any special aspects you wish to study I have nothing to conceal. Just look around. That's my desk. Those are my books, and here am I. Where shall we begin? -Not too big and not too small. What I'd call the typical room of an average man. Or shall we say a little above average. Now if there are any special aspects you wish to study I have nothing to conceal. Just look around. That's my desk. Those are my books, and here am I. Where shall we begin? I will start with you. -I will start with you. That's great. I'm thirty-five years old. Just over six feet tall. I weigh a hundred and eighty-two pounds stripped. -That's great. I'm thirty-five years old. Just over six feet tall. I weigh a hundred and eighty-two pounds stripped. And what is your profession? -And what is your profession? Keeping my body fit, keeping my mind alert, keeping my landlord appeased. That's a full-time job. -Keeping my body fit, keeping my mind alert, keeping my landlord appeased. That's a full-time job. And what do you do for mankind? -And what do you do for mankind? For mankind not a thing -- for womankind the record is not quite so bleak. -For mankind not a thing -- for womankind the record is not quite so bleak. You are something we do not have in Russia. -You are something we do not have in Russia. Thank you. Thank you. -Thank you. Thank you. That is why I believe in the future of my country. -That is why I believe in the future of my country. I begin to believe in it myself since I've met you. I still don't know what to make of it. It confuses me, it frightens me a little, but it fascinates me, Ninotchka. -I begin to believe in it myself since I've met you. I still don't know what to make of it. It confuses me, it frightens me a little, but it fascinates me, Ninotchka. You pronounce it incorrectly. Ni- notchka. -You pronounce it incorrectly. Ni- notchka. Ni-notchka. -Ni-notchka. That is correct. -That is correct. Ninotchka, do you like me just a little bit? -Ninotchka, do you like me just a little bit? Your general appearance is not distasteful. -Your general appearance is not distasteful. Thank you. -Thank you. Look at me. The whites of your eyes are clear. Your cornea is excellent. -Look at me. The whites of your eyes are clear. Your cornea is excellent. Your cornea is terrific. Tell me -- you're so expert on things -- can it be that I'm falling in love with you? -Your cornea is terrific. Tell me -- you're so expert on things -- can it be that I'm falling in love with you? You are bringing in wrong values. Love is a romantic designation for a most ordinary biological, or shall we say chemical, process. A lot of nonsense is talked and written about it. -You are bringing in wrong values. Love is a romantic designation for a most ordinary biological, or shall we say chemical, process. A lot of nonsense is talked and written about it. Oh, I see. What do you use instead? -Oh, I see. What do you use instead? I acknowledge the existence of a natural impulse common to all. -I acknowledge the existence of a natural impulse common to all. What can I possibly do to encourage such an impulse in you? -What can I possibly do to encourage such an impulse in you? You don't have to do a thing. Chemically we are already quite sympathetic. -You don't have to do a thing. Chemically we are already quite sympathetic. You're the most improbable creature I've ever met in my life, Ninotchka, Ninotchka... -You're the most improbable creature I've ever met in my life, Ninotchka, Ninotchka... You repeat yourself. -You repeat yourself. I'd like to say it a thousand times. -I'd like to say it a thousand times. Don't do it, please. -Don't do it, please. I'm at a loss, Ninotchka. You must forgive me if I appear a little old- fashioned. After all, I'm just a poor bourgeois. -I'm at a loss, Ninotchka. You must forgive me if I appear a little old- fashioned. After all, I'm just a poor bourgeois. It's never too late to change. I used to belong to the petty bourgeoisie myself. My father and mother wanted me to stay and work on the farm, but I preferred the bayonet. -It's never too late to change. I used to belong to the petty bourgeoisie myself. My father and mother wanted me to stay and work on the farm, but I preferred the bayonet. The bayonet? Did you really? -The bayonet? Did you really? I was wounded before Warsaw. -I was wounded before Warsaw. Wounded? How? -Wounded? How? I was a sergeant in the Third Cavalry Brigade. Would you like to see my wound? -I was a sergeant in the Third Cavalry Brigade. Would you like to see my wound? I'd love to. Tsk, tsk, tsk. -I'd love to. Tsk, tsk, tsk. A Polish lancer. I was sixteen. -A Polish lancer. I was sixteen. Poor Ninotchka. Poor, poor Ninotchka. -Poor Ninotchka. Poor, poor Ninotchka. Don't pity me. Pity the Polish lancer. After all, I'm alive. -What kind of a girl are you, anyway? Just what you see. A tiny cog in the great wheel of evolution. -Just what you see. A tiny cog in the great wheel of evolution. You're the most adorable cog I ever saw in my life. Ninotchka, Cogitska, let me confess something. Never did I dream I could feel like this toward a sergeant. -Do you hear that? It's twelve o'clock. -It's twelve o'clock. It's midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half. Look at the clock. One hand has met the other hand. They kiss. Isn't that wonderful? -It's midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half. Look at the clock. One hand has met the other hand. They kiss. Isn't that wonderful? That's the way a clock works. There's nothing wonderful about it. You merely feel you must put yourself in a romantic mood to add to your exhilaration. -That's the way a clock works. There's nothing wonderful about it. You merely feel you must put yourself in a romantic mood to add to your exhilaration. I can't possibly think of a better reason. -I can't possibly think of a better reason. It's false sentimentality. -It's false sentimentality. You analyze everything out of existence. You analyze me out of existence. I won't let you. Love is not so simple. Ninotchka, Ninotchka, why do doves bill and coo? Why do snails, coldest of all creatures, circle interminably around each other? Why do moths fly hundreds of miles to find their mates? Why do flowers open their petals? Oh, Ninotchka, Ninotchka, surely you feel some slight symptom of the divine passion... a general warmth in the palms of your hands... a strange heaviness in your limbs... a burning of the lips that is not thirst but a thousand times more tantalizing, more exalting, than thirst? -Was that talkative? No, that was restful. Again. -Thank you. Oh, my barbaric Ninotchka. My impossible, unromantic, statistical... -Glorious, analytical... The telephone is ringing. -The telephone is ringing. Oh, let it ring. -Oh, let it ring. But one of your friends may be in need of you. You must answer. -I must go. Ninotchka, or shall I say Special Envoy Yakushova... -Ninotchka, or shall I say Special Envoy Yakushova... Let's forget that we ever met. -Let's forget that we ever met. I have a better suggestion. Let's forget that the telephone ever rang. I never heard that you are Yakushova... you are Ninotchka... my Ninotchka... -I have a better suggestion. Let's forget that the telephone ever rang. I never heard that you are Yakushova... you are Ninotchka... my Ninotchka... I was sent here by my country to fight you. -I was sent here by my country to fight you. All right, fight me, fight me as much as you want, but fight me tomorrow morning! There's nothing sweeter than sharing a secret with a bitter enemy. -All right, fight me, fight me as much as you want, but fight me tomorrow morning! There's nothing sweeter than sharing a secret with a bitter enemy. As a representative of Moscow... -As a representative of Moscow... Tonight let's not represent anybody but ourselves. -Tonight let's not represent anybody but ourselves. It is out of the question. If you wish to approach me... -It is out of the question. If you wish to approach me... You know I want to... -You know I want to... Then do it through my lawyer! -Then do it through my lawyer! Ninotchka, you can't walk out like this... I'm crazy about you, and I thought I'd made an impression on you. You liked the white of my eye. -But, Ninotchka, I held you in my arms. You kissed me! I kissed the Polish lancer too... before he died. -Room service speaking. Send me a plate of raw carrots and beets, beets predominating on a ratio of sixty-forty... What? There is a strike in the kitchen? Good! Will you assure the strikers of my hearty sympathy in their cause. I hope they will not weaken in their demands and tell them to put no dressing whatsoever on my vegetables... What? You won't serve me either? Now look here, Comrade, I think it is a fine idea to let the capitalists go without luncheon but when you keep food away from me you're weakening the people. -Send me a plate of raw carrots and beets, beets predominating on a ratio of sixty-forty... What? There is a strike in the kitchen? Good! Will you assure the strikers of my hearty sympathy in their cause. I hope they will not weaken in their demands and tell them to put no dressing whatsoever on my vegetables... What? You won't serve me either? Now look here, Comrade, I think it is a fine idea to let the capitalists go without luncheon but when you keep food away from me you're weakening the people. So! You want to make a strike breaker out of me! I am surprised at you, Comrade! Is it too much for the workers of the world to ask you to walk around the corner for lunch? All I can say to you is take your hammer and sickle and get out of that Royal Suite! -Pardon me for addressing you but you insulted him, you know that. You hurt his feelings. It was just like telling a musician you don't like music. That good old man believes in food as you believe in Karl Marx. You can't go around hurting people, Comrade Yakushova, but maybe you can make it up to him. Do you know how? By eating everything with relish, by drinking everything with gusto, by having a good time for the first time in your natural life! I don't like your following me. -I don't like your following me. I didn't follow you. -I didn't follow you. Then how did you get here? -Then how did you get here? I always eat here. -I always eat here. This is a place for workmen. -This is a place for workmen. But my dear child, I am most at home among working men. I hate the places where you circulate -- the Hotel Clarence... This is my natural element. After all, what are any of us? Workingmen! At least, those of us who are worth our salt. Hyah? -Just an old man. His memory is getting weak. What are you after? -What are you after? Must one always be after something? -Must one always be after something? Your tactics are useless. My name is neither Buljanoff, Iranoff, nor Kopalski. -Your tactics are useless. My name is neither Buljanoff, Iranoff, nor Kopalski. Oh, Ninotchka, who wants to talk business. If you win the suit, fine. If we win the suit, better. You do me an injustice. When we went to my apartment did I have the slightest idea that you had any connection with this deal? -Oh, Ninotchka, who wants to talk business. If you win the suit, fine. If we win the suit, better. You do me an injustice. When we went to my apartment did I have the slightest idea that you had any connection with this deal? But you have now, and I know now that you are a man who employs business methods which in Russia would be punished by death. -But you have now, and I know now that you are a man who employs business methods which in Russia would be punished by death. Death! Death! Always so glum! What about life, Ninotchka! Do Russians never think of life? Of the moment in which we are living? The only moment we really have? Don't take it all so seriously, Ninotchka. Nothing is worth it. Please... relax... I beg you, Sergeant... smile! -Death! Death! Always so glum! What about life, Ninotchka! Do Russians never think of life? Of the moment in which we are living? The only moment we really have? Don't take it all so seriously, Ninotchka. Nothing is worth it. Please... relax... I beg you, Sergeant... smile! What? -What? Will you smile? -Will you smile? Why? -Why? Just smile. -Just smile. At what? -At what? At anything. At the whole ludicrous spectacle of life. At people being pompous and taking themselves seriously and exaggerating their own importance. If you can't find anything else to laugh at you can laugh at you and me. -At anything. At the whole ludicrous spectacle of life. At people being pompous and taking themselves seriously and exaggerating their own importance. If you can't find anything else to laugh at you can laugh at you and me. Why? -Why? Because we are an odd couple. -Because we are an odd couple. Then you should go back to your table. -Then you should go back to your table. No, I can't leave you. I won't. Not yet. Not until I've made you laugh... at least once. -Ha! Ha! Now go back. That's not a laugh! I mean a laugh from the heart. Now let's see. I'm going to tell you a funny story. Just a moment... I've got it! Well, it seems there were a couple of Frenchmen who went to America... -That's not a laugh! I mean a laugh from the heart. Now let's see. I'm going to tell you a funny story. Just a moment... I've got it! Well, it seems there were a couple of Frenchmen who went to America... On which boat? -On which boat? Well, er... let's drop it. I don't think you would care for that one. -Well, er... let's drop it. I don't think you would care for that one. Probably not. -Probably not. Do you like Scotch stories? -Do you like Scotch stories? I have never heard one. -I have never heard one. "Two Scotchmen met on the street... and I don't know the name of the street and it really doesn't matter. Well, anyway, one's name was McIntosh and the other's was McGillicuddy. McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, ""Hello, Mr. McGillicuddy,"" and McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, ""Hello, Mr. McIntosh,"" and then McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, ""How is Mrs. McGillicuddy?"" and then McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, ""How is Mrs. McIntosh?""..." -"Two Scotchmen met on the street... and I don't know the name of the street and it really doesn't matter. Well, anyway, one's name was McIntosh and the other's was McGillicuddy. McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, ""Hello, Mr. McGillicuddy,"" and McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, ""Hello, Mr. McIntosh,"" and then McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, ""How is Mrs. McGillicuddy?"" and then McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, ""How is Mrs. McIntosh?""..." I wish they had never met. -I wish they had never met. "So do I. Now, here's a great one... Ha! Ha! Ha! Well, maybe it's not so good. Let's forget it! How's this? Two men are looking at the moon. One says to the other, ""Is it true that a lot of people live on the moon?"" ""Yes, it is,"" says the other, ""five hundred million."" ""Whew!"" replies the first, ""they must get pretty crowded when it's half moon!"" Ha! Ha! Ha!" -I suppose you don't think that's funny? No. -No. It seemed funny to me when I first heard it. Maybe the trouble isn't with the joke. Maybe it's with you! -It seemed funny to me when I first heard it. Maybe the trouble isn't with the joke. Maybe it's with you! I don't think so. -I don't think so. Maybe you haven't any sense of humor. Well, I'll give you one more chance! Now listen! -Not funny, huh? No. -No. So you don't think that's funny? It is funny! Everyone else thinks so! Maybe you didn't get it. -I'll tell you that joke again. A man comes into a restaurant. Did you get that? Yes. -Yes. He sits down at the table and says to the waiter... Did you get that too? -He sits down at the table and says to the waiter... Did you get that too? Yes. -Yes. "Well, so far it isn't funny, but wait. He says to the waiter, ""Waiter! Bring me a cup of coffee."" So the waiter comes back five minutes later and says, ""I'm sorry, sir, we have no coffee.""... Wait a minute... wait a minute... I'm all mixed up... A man comes in a restaurant, he sits down, he calls the waiter and he says, ""Waiter! Get me a cup of coffee without cream,"" and five minutes later the waiter comes back and says, ""I'm sorry, sir, we have no cream, can it be a glass of milk!""" -I don't look too foolish? "Foolish? If this dress were to walk down the boulevard all by itself I would follow it from one end of Paris to the other, and when I caught up with it I would say, ""Just a moment, you charming little dress, I want you to meet Ninotchka... you two were meant for each other."" Ninotchka feels more comfortable." -You remember this room? "I've never been here before. I wonder whom you're thinking of. Oh, I know, a girl with a map, figuring out each step, worrying about north and south. Today... now this might shock you... I went up to a taxi and said ""Eight Rue du Bois""... and here I am." -"I've never been here before. I wonder whom you're thinking of. Oh, I know, a girl with a map, figuring out each step, worrying about north and south. Today... now this might shock you... I went up to a taxi and said ""Eight Rue du Bois""... and here I am." You see? Life can be so simple. -You see? Life can be so simple. For twelve francs, seventy-five. -For twelve francs, seventy-five. Twelve seventy-five from the Clarence? The son-of-a-gun made a detour!... But he got you here. -It's nine o'clock. "That's when one half of Paris says to the other half, ""What are your plans for this evening, madame?""" -"That's when one half of Paris says to the other half, ""What are your plans for this evening, madame?""" Well, first I should like to take off my hat and jacket. Then could we have some music? -Well, first I should like to take off my hat and jacket. Then could we have some music? A wonderful idea! Radio or records? -A wonderful idea! Radio or records? Not radio. Let's have music that's just for ourselves. -You see I couldn't shout that. Leon, you know the jokes you told me a few days ago? I wake up in the middle of the night and laugh at them. Now, Leon that's wrong. I know they're not funny, they're silly. They're stupid. And still... I laugh... and when I look at Buljanoff and Iranoff and Kopalski I know they are scoundrels and I should hate them -- then I realize who made them like that, and instead of sending my report to Moscow I tear it up and go down and buy a ridiculous hat... and if this keeps on... am I too talkative? -Leon, you know the jokes you told me a few days ago? I wake up in the middle of the night and laugh at them. Now, Leon that's wrong. I know they're not funny, they're silly. They're stupid. And still... I laugh... and when I look at Buljanoff and Iranoff and Kopalski I know they are scoundrels and I should hate them -- then I realize who made them like that, and instead of sending my report to Moscow I tear it up and go down and buy a ridiculous hat... and if this keeps on... am I too talkative? No... go on. -No... go on. Leon, I want to tell you something which I thought I never would say, which I thought nobody ever should say, because I thought it didn't exist... and, Leon... I can't say it... -Leon, I would like to ask you something. Anything, Ninotchka. -Anything, Ninotchka. If you don't want to answer, you needn't. But if you do, you must tell me the truth. -If you don't want to answer, you needn't. But if you do, you must tell me the truth. I promise... I swear. -I promise... I swear. Did you make any change in this room? -Did you make any change in this room? I don't think so. -I don't think so. When I was here before I noticed a photograph of a woman on the desk in a wide silver frame. I thought what a waste of silver. That's all that interested me then. Now I would like to know... what happened to the woman? -She is very attractive. She has great elegance. She's what you call a woman of the world, isn't she? Ninotchka, I love you. -Ninotchka, I love you. I suppose she is very entertaining... It must be lots of fun to be with her, so witty, so glamorous... -I suppose she is very entertaining... It must be lots of fun to be with her, so witty, so glamorous... Ninotchka, you're jealous. -Leon, don't ever ask me for a picture of myself... I couldn't bear the thought of being shut up in a drawer... I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stand it. My darling. -I wouldn't know. The closest I ever came to champagne was in a newsreel. The wife of some president was throwing it at a battleship. It's always good luck to launch something with champagne; a battleship... or an evening. -It's funny to look back. I was brought up on goat's milk, I had a ration of vodka in the army, and now champagne. From goats to grapes. That's drinking in the right direction. -From what I read I thought champagne was a strong drink. It's very delicate. Do people ever get drunk on this? There have been cases... but the headache the next morning is worth while -- if you drink it with the right toast. To us, Ninotchka! -How do you do? And General Savitzky. -Quickly, please... tell me one of your funny stories. A funny story? -A funny story? You never finished the one about the two Scotchmen with the names. -You never finished the one about the two Scotchmen with the names. Well, there were two Scotchmen. One was named McIntosh and one was named McGillicuddy. They met on the street. -Go on. No, darling. I'll tell you another story, a much better one. The only thing that will be over on Thursday is the lawsuit. There will be no Thursday for us. Not next week or any week. We won't let it happen. I'll tear it out of the calendar. Is that a good story? -No, darling. I'll tell you another story, a much better one. The only thing that will be over on Thursday is the lawsuit. There will be no Thursday for us. Not next week or any week. We won't let it happen. I'll tear it out of the calendar. Is that a good story? Wonderful -- if one could believe it. -Wonderful -- if one could believe it. You must, darling. -You must, darling. To the loveliest story I ever heard. -Oo! Darling! Something is the matter. You just made that trip from goats to grapes a little too fast. -You just made that trip from goats to grapes a little too fast. Oh, everything is so wonderful! It's getting farther and farther away! -Oh, everything is so wonderful! It's getting farther and farther away! What, darling? -What, darling? Thursday. -Thursday. Yes. Don't worry. Everything will be all right. -Comrades! Comrades! Darling, darling... please! -Darling, darling... please! I must talk to my brothers! -I must talk to my brothers! Shhh! Shhh! -Shhh! Shhh! Don't shush me. I am People! I want to make a speech. I want to overthrow the Duchess! -But, darling, you can't do that. Comrades! Good people of France! -Comrades! Good people of France! Now, Ninotchka... please! -Now, Ninotchka... please! They are all Duchesses here... thousands of Duchesses... and I am going to tell them. -Quite right... yes, yes, yes, but first you're going in that door and you're going to take a little spirits of ammonia and lie down. No speech? -No speech? No speech. -No speech. I love you, my little Leonitchka! -I love you, my little Leonitchka! And I adore you, Ninotchua. -Don't tell them where we're going, sweetheart. No. Nobody will find us. -Are we going to build our little house? Yes... a little white house. -Yes... a little white house. Not white, darling. -Not white, darling. All right, we'll make it red. -All right, we'll make it red. No, don't let's have it any color... no color... just a house house... let's form our own party. -No, don't let's have it any color... no color... just a house house... let's form our own party. Right: Lovers of the world unite! -Right: Lovers of the world unite! And we won't stretch up our arms... -And we won't stretch up our arms... No! No! -No! No! ...and we won't clench our fist... -...and we won't clench our fist... No! No! -No! No! Our salute will be a kiss. -Our salute will be a kiss. Yes... a kiss... salute! -I am so happy. No one can be so happy without being punished. I will be punished and I should be punished. I want to confess, darling. I know... it's the Russian soul. -I know... it's the Russian soul. Everyone wants to confess and if they don't confess they make them confess. I am a traitor. When I kissed you I betrayed the Russian ideal. Leon, I should be stood up against the wall. -Would that make you any happier? Much happier. -Much happier. All right. -I have paid the penalty. Now let's have some music. Let's turn on the radio. -Let's turn on the radio. Radio! What is radio? -Radio! What is radio? It's a little box that you buy on the installment plan and before you tune it in they tell you they have a new model. -It's a little box that you buy on the installment plan and before you tune it in they tell you they have a new model. Oh yes, yes. It has a little knob that turns... a little knob... it must be somewhere around here... yes... here... I see... -What shall we get? The news! No, no news. We don't want to know what's happening in the world. We want to be left alone, don't we? -No, no news. We don't want to know what's happening in the world. We want to be left alone, don't we? Yes, sweetheart... all by ourselves. -Yes, sweetheart... all by ourselves. Well, then we turn twice to the right and stop at seven... -It's dead. Well, it has to warm up... you have to give it a chance... just like people... like you and me... first you wanted to fight me and now we belong to the same party... salute! -No music. No, no music. -There it is... Thursday... you can't rip it out of the week.... But I can throw it out of the window. -But I can throw it out of the window. It wouldn't be fair to the man in the street. There they are... they are terrible things, those jewels.... -It wouldn't be fair to the man in the street. There they are... they are terrible things, those jewels.... ...but big. -...but big. ...they are the tears of Old Russia... see that stone? -...they are the tears of Old Russia... see that stone? Who cried that one? -Who cried that one? Czar Peter gave it to his wife, Catherine the Great. For it he sold ten thousand serfs in the market. -Czar Peter gave it to his wife, Catherine the Great. For it he sold ten thousand serfs in the market. "Now, darling, don't get impatient, wait until we are married. You know that worthless butler of mine... that reactionary? Some day when I come home to you I may say, ""Darling, I drove Gaston to the market and look what I got from him!""" -Come, sweetheart. Let me put it on you. You will teach these jewels. For the first time they will learn how they can look. They belong to the people. -They belong to the people. I give them back to the people... I make you Ninotchka the Great... Duchess of the People!... Grand Duchess of the People! -Is this the wish of the masses? It is their wish. -It is their wish. Thank you, Leon... thank you, masses. Can I make a speech now? -Thank you, Leon... thank you, masses. Can I make a speech now? Please. -Comrades! People of the world! The revolution is on the march... I know... wars will wash over us... bombs will fall... all civilization will crumble... but not yet, please... wait, wait... what's the hurry? Let us be happy... give us our moment.... We are happy, aren't we, Leon? Yes, sweetheart. -Yes, sweetheart. So happy and so tired. -They wouldn't let me in so I had to get you out. So -- you're behind all this. I should have known. -Trying to keep me away from you! It couldn't be done. Naturally I couldn't go on forever punching passport officials in the nose -- but I found a way, didn't I? Darling, I had to see you. I wrote and wrote but all my letters came back. "The one I got they wouldn't let me read. It began, ""Ninotchka, my darling,"" and ended, ""Yours, Leon.""" -"The one I got they wouldn't let me read. It began, ""Ninotchka, my darling,"" and ended, ""Yours, Leon.""" I won't tell you what came between... I'll prove it. It will take a long time, Ninotchka... at least a lifetime. -But, Leon, I am only here for a few days. If you don't stay with me, I'll have to continue my fight. I'll travel wherever Russian commissions are. I'll turn them all into Buljanoffs, Iranoffs, and Kopalskis. The world will be crowded with Russian restaurants. I'll depopulate Russia. Once you saved your country by going back. This time you can save it by staying here. -If you don't stay with me, I'll have to continue my fight. I'll travel wherever Russian commissions are. I'll turn them all into Buljanoffs, Iranoffs, and Kopalskis. The world will be crowded with Russian restaurants. I'll depopulate Russia. Once you saved your country by going back. This time you can save it by staying here. Well, when it is a choice between my personal interest and the good of my country, how can I waver? No one shall say Ninotchka was a bad Russian. -Hello, Leon! Good morning, Swana. -It's really a wretched morning... wretched. I can't get myself right. I wanted to look mellow and I look brittle. My face doesn't compose well... all highlights... how can I dim myself down, Leon? Suggest something. I am so bored with this face. I wish I had someone else's face. Whose face would you have if you had your choice? Oh, well, I guess one gets the face one deserves. Your conversation has one marvelous advantage, Swana. However many questions you ask you never expect an answer. -Your conversation has one marvelous advantage, Swana. However many questions you ask you never expect an answer. Don't you find that restful?... Why didn't you come last night? -Don't you find that restful?... Why didn't you come last night? Darling, I was busy looking out for your interests. -Darling, I was busy looking out for your interests. Did you win? -Did you win? We can forget horse racing, roulette, the stock market... our worries are over! You remember that platinum watch with the diamond numbers? You will be in a position to give it to me. -We can forget horse racing, roulette, the stock market... our worries are over! You remember that platinum watch with the diamond numbers? You will be in a position to give it to me. Oh, Leon, you are so good to me. -Oh, Leon, you are so good to me. We can be rich if you say the word. I had dinner with the Guizots last night. -We can be rich if you say the word. I had dinner with the Guizots last night. Those newspaper people? -Those newspaper people? You'd be surprised how many nice people dine with the Guizots. -You'd be surprised how many nice people dine with the Guizots. What a gruesome proof of the power of the press! -What a gruesome proof of the power of the press! "Now listen, Swana... I sold Monsieur Guizot the idea of publishing your memoirs in the Gazette Parisienne. ""The Life and Loves of the Grand Duchess Swana of Russia""!" -"Now listen, Swana... I sold Monsieur Guizot the idea of publishing your memoirs in the Gazette Parisienne. ""The Life and Loves of the Grand Duchess Swana of Russia""!" Oh, Leon! -Oh, Leon! Sweetheart, we won't have to bother about our future if you are willing to raffle off your past! -Sweetheart, we won't have to bother about our future if you are willing to raffle off your past! Was it for this that I refused to endorse Dr. Bertrand's Mouthwash? I could have made a little fortune by saying that the Vincent Vacuum Cleaner was the only vacuum cleaner ever used by the Romanoffs... and now you want them to smear my life's secrets over the front page of a tabloid? -Was it for this that I refused to endorse Dr. Bertrand's Mouthwash? I could have made a little fortune by saying that the Vincent Vacuum Cleaner was the only vacuum cleaner ever used by the Romanoffs... and now you want them to smear my life's secrets over the front page of a tabloid? I understand how you feel, but there is a limit to everything, particularly pride and dignity. They are willing to pay any price! They have a circulation of two million! -I understand how you feel, but there is a limit to everything, particularly pride and dignity. They are willing to pay any price! They have a circulation of two million! Imagine two million clerks and shop girls peeking into my life for a sou! Think of my lovely life being wrapped around cheese and blood sausages! I can see a big grease spot in the midst of my most intimate moments! -My little Volga boatman! Stop threatening! I don't deserve this. Are you my little Volga boatman? Now, Swana... -Now, Swana... First tell me, are you my little Volga boatman? -First tell me, are you my little Volga boatman? Yes, I'm your little Volga boatman. -Yes, I'm your little Volga boatman. "Well... two million readers... I know exactly what they want. Chapter One: ""A Childhood behind Golden Bars. Lovely Little Princess Plays with Rasputin's Beard.""" -"I've got one chapter Guizot thinks is terrific. ""Caviar and Blood."" Swana escapes over the ice!" A couple of bloodhounds and we have Uncle Tom's Cabin. -A couple of bloodhounds and we have Uncle Tom's Cabin. Darling, this would be wonderful! Just once... weren't you attacked by a Bolshevik? -Darling, this would be wonderful! Just once... weren't you attacked by a Bolshevik? Was I? No... not by a Bolshevik! -Was I? No... not by a Bolshevik! Too bad! Brings our price down ten thousand francs! -He's a waiter at the Clarence, poor devil. You know him. Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. Tell him I won't be able to see him for a half an hour. -Did I hear something about jewels? Rakonin, bless him, has given me the most amazing news! -This is the Duchess Swana... I want to speak to Monsieur Cornillon... it's very important... please get him right away... Hello, Monsieur Cornillon? The most incredible thing has happened! My jewels are here in Paris! Three Bolshevik swine are trying to sell them! Yes... yes... we must act immediately!... Call the police... Have them arrested!... Well, then, get an injunction!... But do something, Monsieur Cornillon! ...But they are my jewels! There must be some way of getting them back! What does he say? -What does he say? Shhh! ...But how can there be a question?... Are you my lawyer or theirs?... All right, I'll let you know! -What did he say? It looks pretty hopeless... there may be a chance... that's all... The French Government has recognized Soviet Russia and he doubts that they will risk a war for my poor sake. He might be able to make up some kind of a case but it would cost money, money, money!... That's all they are interested in -- those lawyers! -It looks pretty hopeless... there may be a chance... that's all... The French Government has recognized Soviet Russia and he doubts that they will risk a war for my poor sake. He might be able to make up some kind of a case but it would cost money, money, money!... That's all they are interested in -- those lawyers! Darling, calm down. Why do you need a lawyer? Haven't you your little Volga boatman? -Leon! What in heaven's name...! Huh? -Huh? Is anything wrong? Are you ill? -Is anything wrong? Are you ill? No. -No. Don't tell me the bed has lost its best friend. -Don't tell me the bed has lost its best friend. I just couldn't sleep. I got up and went back... and then got up again. These last few days... whew! -I just couldn't sleep. I got up and went back... and then got up again. These last few days... whew! Darling, you're taking my business affairs far too seriously. Much as I'd love to rob the Bolsheviks of their filthy money, I won't do it at the expense of your health. Particularly as we know we won't get much. You look so pale... pale but interesting. -Make it ice cold. Not in your condition. Make it tepid, Gaston... tepid and tender. And lay out his gray suit. Afterwards I'll drive you through the Bois. Slowly... in Waltz time. -Now... here we have two very handsome soft-boiled eggs. Do you suppose hens mind what happens to their eggs? Probably not. They have such unfeeling eyes. We'll put in a great nugget of butter, plenty of pepper and salt... Darling, I haven't seen you for three livelong days... seventy-two hours! Oh, please, Swana! I don't know whether I'm standing on my head or my heels. Here you are blaming me for neglecting you when I'm trying to concentrate on another woman and can't get near her. -Oh, please, Swana! I don't know whether I'm standing on my head or my heels. Here you are blaming me for neglecting you when I'm trying to concentrate on another woman and can't get near her. You haven't seen her yet? -You haven't seen her yet? No, and believe me I've tried everything! I must have telephoned her a hundred times. I've sent her telegrams, I've sent her flowers... I asked her to dinner... I offered her seats for the Opera... -No, and believe me I've tried everything! I must have telephoned her a hundred times. I've sent her telegrams, I've sent her flowers... I asked her to dinner... I offered her seats for the Opera... That proletarian! In the old days we'd have had her flogged. -That proletarian! In the old days we'd have had her flogged. That wouldn't have done any good. Not with her. She's the most incredible creature I've ever seen. -That wouldn't have done any good. Not with her. She's the most incredible creature I've ever seen. You just told me you hadn't seen her. -You just told me you hadn't seen her. Well... er... I caught a glimpse of her when she walked through the lobby. -Well... er... I caught a glimpse of her when she walked through the lobby. Imagine the carpets of a self- respecting Parisian hotel dirtied by the boots of a muzhik! What does she look like? -Imagine the carpets of a self- respecting Parisian hotel dirtied by the boots of a muzhik! What does she look like? You can't imagine. -You can't imagine. That bad? Old or young? -That bad? Old or young? Timeless. When she comes into a room you'd think that the Bolsheviks had taken over Paris. She wears her cheap miserable blouse as though it were the latest model by Schiaparelli. What a woman! What a woman! There is a Russian snowstorm in each of her eyes. -Timeless. When she comes into a room you'd think that the Bolsheviks had taken over Paris. She wears her cheap miserable blouse as though it were the latest model by Schiaparelli. What a woman! What a woman! There is a Russian snowstorm in each of her eyes. You saw all that in one glimpse? -You saw all that in one glimpse? Darling, if we're going to get anywhere someone has to keep his eyes open! -Darling, if we're going to get anywhere someone has to keep his eyes open! Now, darling, soak in your beautiful pine bath and let Gaston shave you. -Thank you. Is this your new dress suit? -Is this your new dress suit? Yes, Swana. -Yes, Swana. Didn't I tell you Benson and Benson were the tailors for you? -Didn't I tell you Benson and Benson were the tailors for you? Yes, Swana, you did. -Yes, Swana, you did. It's a dream of beauty. He never takes my word for anything, but I was right, wasn't I? -It's a dream of beauty. He never takes my word for anything, but I was right, wasn't I? Yes, Swana. -Yes, Swana. Am I interrupting? -Am I interrupting? Not at all. Your Highness, may I present Madame Yakushova? -Not at all. Your Highness, may I present Madame Yakushova? How do you do? -I've some wonderful news for you, Leon. It's about Punchy... do you mind if I sit down? No... please... -He won another blue ribbon and bit the judge. Ha! ha! ha! I bought him the cutest sweater as a reward. You should see him strut down the street in it. He looks like a little boulevardier. You see, Count d'Algout gave me Punchy for my birthday. You must have searched weeks before you found anything as divine as Punchy, didn't you, Leon? Months, Swana. -Months, Swana. Poor Madame Yakushova... here we are talking in mysteries.... I'm sure you wonder what it's all about. -There's a charming crowd here tonight, isn't there? I'm going, Leon... but before I leave I must compliment you on your gown, Madame Yakushova. Is that what they're wearing in Moscow this year? -Will you do me a favor? Stop talking about the good old days. A very wise suggestion, Leon. I'm afraid madame and I will never agree. The only thing we have in common is our lawsuit and that will be decided next week. I understand everything will be over by Thursday. Am I right? -Leon, darling, how nice! Have you ordered tea or a cocktail? No thanks, Swana. -No thanks, Swana. Did I act stupidly last night? Should I apologize? -Did I act stupidly last night? Should I apologize? I'm the one who should apologize. I should have talked to you before. -I'm the one who should apologize. I should have talked to you before. Is this, by any chance, going to be a confession? -Is this, by any chance, going to be a confession? Yes. -Yes. Oh, no, my little Volga boatman. Have you forgotten our First Commandment: Never Complain -- Never Explain. It has worked so often and so perfectly, don't let's break the rule. And please don't look so guilty, otherwise I'll... -Oh, no, my little Volga boatman. Have you forgotten our First Commandment: Never Complain -- Never Explain. It has worked so often and so perfectly, don't let's break the rule. And please don't look so guilty, otherwise I'll... This time, Swana -- just this once -- I must ask you to listen. -This time, Swana -- just this once -- I must ask you to listen. All right, I'll listen. -All right, I'll listen. I know you hate the obvious but do you mind if, at this moment, I'm not in the least subtle? -I know you hate the obvious but do you mind if, at this moment, I'm not in the least subtle? Brutal frankness, if you insist. -Brutal frankness, if you insist. There are a hundred ways to approach it, but I feel it can best be said in one simple phrase. I'm in love, Swana. -There are a hundred ways to approach it, but I feel it can best be said in one simple phrase. I'm in love, Swana. And I thought it was something serious! How could you frighten me so? -And I thought it was something serious! How could you frighten me so? It must be serious, Swana. Not long ago I'd have considered such a statement rather juvenile and rather middle class. Now I can say it without stammering, without a blush. I'm in love, Swana. -It must be serious, Swana. Not long ago I'd have considered such a statement rather juvenile and rather middle class. Now I can say it without stammering, without a blush. I'm in love, Swana. Say it over and over again, Leon. Words are a wonderful safety valve, and that's what you need -- because you know it's impossible, don't you? -Say it over and over again, Leon. Words are a wonderful safety valve, and that's what you need -- because you know it's impossible, don't you? I have to be simple again, Swana, and you may find it shockingly banal. I've thought it over and I'm willing to take all the consequences, even if it means a complete readjustment of my way of living. -I have to be simple again, Swana, and you may find it shockingly banal. I've thought it over and I'm willing to take all the consequences, even if it means a complete readjustment of my way of living. Leon! This has the ugly sound of regeneration. -Leon! This has the ugly sound of regeneration. I'm afraid that's what it is. -I'm afraid that's what it is. The same old trouble, Leon. You're always late. Whether you're taking me to the Opera or calling for me at a beauty shop, you're never on time. And now, when it's a question of your reform -- late again. By about five minutes. -The same old trouble, Leon. You're always late. Whether you're taking me to the Opera or calling for me at a beauty shop, you're never on time. And now, when it's a question of your reform -- late again. By about five minutes. What is this, Swana? -What is this, Swana? Knowing the efficiency of the French Air Service I think I can guarantee that Madame Yakushova has already taken off for Moscow. -Knowing the efficiency of the French Air Service I think I can guarantee that Madame Yakushova has already taken off for Moscow. Has done what? -Has done what? She's gone, Leon. -She's gone, Leon. Do you expect me to believe that? -Hello, Leon darling! Hello. -Hello. After our talk last night I took it for granted that you would drop in here this morning. Knowing how difficult it is to get into Soviet Russia, I thought I might be of some assistance to you. May I introduce myself? I am the Duchess Swana of Russia... another Russia. -Now, please, Swana. Count d'Algout was for several years my personal representative and if it is necessary to sign any affidavit for him I'll be delighted. -Count d'Algout was for several years my personal representative and if it is necessary to sign any affidavit for him I'll be delighted. That does it, Swana. Now you mustn't miss your appointment with your hair-dresser. -That does it, Swana. Now you mustn't miss your appointment with your hair-dresser. Just in case they don't give you your visa to Russia I want you to know that I have signed a contract for my memoirs and rented a lovely little château in the Touraine, and if you feel the need of a change... -Just in case they don't give you your visa to Russia I want you to know that I have signed a contract for my memoirs and rented a lovely little château in the Touraine, and if you feel the need of a change... Thank you, Swana. You are very gracious. -Not at all.... I understand perfectly, Count d'Algout gave you a dog. You made it very clear, madame. Dear me... I must be losing my finesse. If I'm not careful I'll be understood by everybody. -Isn't it amazing! One gets a wrong impression of the new Russia. It must be charming. I'm glad conditions are so improved. I assume this is what the factory workers wear at their dances? Exactly. You see, it would have been embarrassing for people of my sort to wear low-cut gowns in the old Russia. The lashes of the Cossacks across our backs were not very becoming, and you know how vain women are. -Exactly. You see, it would have been embarrassing for people of my sort to wear low-cut gowns in the old Russia. The lashes of the Cossacks across our backs were not very becoming, and you know how vain women are. You're absolutely right about the Cossacks. We made an unpardonable mistake when we let them use their knouts. They had such reliable guns. -You're right, madame, it will all be over by Thursday. It is unfortunate that you have so few more days in Paris. Be sure and redouble your efforts so that madame can take some pleasant memories when she returns to Moscow. Good night. Good night, Leon. -Good morning. What? -What? It is tomorrow morning... tomorrow noon, to be exact. I hope you will forgive me. I know it's extremely cruel to waken anyone at such an hour. Don't you recognize me? I am the Duchess Swana. -I think we can cut your visit short. Leon is not here. Of course not, my dear! I didn't come here with any such suspicion. How ridiculous! Nor did I come here to pick up his hat. -How stale last night's gaiety looks! It has the taste of a dead cigarette. If you were encouraged to come here by our meeting last night I am afraid you misunderstood my attitude. -If you were encouraged to come here by our meeting last night I am afraid you misunderstood my attitude. Don't worry, you were quite rude enough. Do you mind if I let in a little fresh air and sunshine? I'm sure it will make you feel better and I want you to be at your very best. In full possession of your faculties, at least. -Don't worry, you were quite rude enough. Do you mind if I let in a little fresh air and sunshine? I'm sure it will make you feel better and I want you to be at your very best. In full possession of your faculties, at least. Please come to the point. What is it you want? -Please come to the point. What is it you want? I just dropped in to have a little heart-to-heart talk with you. -I just dropped in to have a little heart-to-heart talk with you. We have nothing to discuss. -We have nothing to discuss. Now there you are completely wrong. If we sit down for a little chat, I'm sure we won't run out of conversation and what's more it won't be dull. -Now there you are completely wrong. If we sit down for a little chat, I'm sure we won't run out of conversation and what's more it won't be dull. "Madame, what is it you people always say, regardless of what you mean... ""I am delighted to have you here""? I have not reached that stage of civilization." -"Madame, what is it you people always say, regardless of what you mean... ""I am delighted to have you here""? I have not reached that stage of civilization." That's all right... I grow on people. -That's all right... I grow on people. I must ask you to leave. -I must ask you to leave. Leave? That's exactly what I came here to ask you to do. Leave! I don't mean this hotel and I don't mean Paris... I mean France. There's a plane for Moscow at five-forty. -Leave? That's exactly what I came here to ask you to do. Leave! I don't mean this hotel and I don't mean Paris... I mean France. There's a plane for Moscow at five-forty. Madame, if you... -Madame, if you... Don't worry. I have already made reservations. It's perfect flying weather. They assure me there's a fine tail wind which will sweep you back to Moscow in no time. -Don't worry. I have already made reservations. It's perfect flying weather. They assure me there's a fine tail wind which will sweep you back to Moscow in no time. If this is meant to be a joke it is not funny. Or do you still think you're issuing orders from your palace in Petrograd? -My palace in Petrograd... yes, you took that away from me. You took away my czar, my country, my people, everything I had... but nothing more -- I warn you. People cannot be taken away, madame, neither a hundred and sixty million nor one. Not if you have their love. You hadn't. That's why you're not in Russia any longer, and that's why you came here this morning. -People cannot be taken away, madame, neither a hundred and sixty million nor one. Not if you have their love. You hadn't. That's why you're not in Russia any longer, and that's why you came here this morning. Very interesting, my dear, but couldn't you write all that from Moscow? A dissertation on love on Soviet stationery -- would be an amusing paradox. -Very interesting, my dear, but couldn't you write all that from Moscow? A dissertation on love on Soviet stationery -- would be an amusing paradox. It is not enough to be witty, madame. People grow tired of being entertained. You made that mistake before. Problems were never solved by bowing from a balcony. -It is not enough to be witty, madame. People grow tired of being entertained. You made that mistake before. Problems were never solved by bowing from a balcony. My dear, you don't know how impressive I could be. Did you ever see me in my regalia with my diadem and all my jewels? -You can't deny we gave the people their money's worth -- almost -- eight tumbling Romanoffs -- eight! I must insist that you leave. -I must insist that you leave. Not before you agree to use those reservations to Moscow. -Not before you agree to use those reservations to Moscow. In that case I can only say good-by. -I wouldn't waken Leon. After last night I would say not before three o'clock at the earliest. I told you to go, madame. -I told you to go, madame. Believe me, Leon can't help you. He doesn't know anything about the jewels... I give you my word... I swear it. -Where are they? You were very careless with our precious jewels, my dear. They're too expensive a toy for two children to play with. -You were very careless with our precious jewels, my dear. They're too expensive a toy for two children to play with. Where are they? -Where are they? Don't worry. Fortunately last night a very trustworthy friend kept his eyes open. Perhaps he overstepped his function as a waiter but he fulfilled his duty as a Russian. I just put this on for sentiment. The rest are absolutely safe. I assure you. But if you feel like notifying the police... -Don't worry. Fortunately last night a very trustworthy friend kept his eyes open. Perhaps he overstepped his function as a waiter but he fulfilled his duty as a Russian. I just put this on for sentiment. The rest are absolutely safe. I assure you. But if you feel like notifying the police... You leave me no choice. -You leave me no choice. Won't it be rather embarrassing for a Soviet Envoy to disclose the circumstances under which she lost them? -Won't it be rather embarrassing for a Soviet Envoy to disclose the circumstances under which she lost them? I will have to face the consequences, but so will you. Don't forget they will ask how you got them. -I will have to face the consequences, but so will you. Don't forget they will ask how you got them. That's very simple to answer. They were given to me by my mother. They were given to her by her mother, in fact they're mine, you cannot steal what belongs to you! -They always belonged to the Russian people. They were paid for with their sweat, their blood, their lives and you will give them back! I told you we had plenty to talk about. Shall we sit down? -Now, let's free ourselves from emotionalism and try to solve the problem in a practical way. Our situation has changed considerably. Before I had only a claim to the jewels. Now I have the jewels. In other words moral ideas have no weight with you... all right, then let's deal with legal facts. You know that France has recognized the Soviet. -In other words moral ideas have no weight with you... all right, then let's deal with legal facts. You know that France has recognized the Soviet. Unfortunately. -Unfortunately. Under Soviet law the jewels belong to the State. France is going to uphold that ownership. -Under Soviet law the jewels belong to the State. France is going to uphold that ownership. My lawyer agrees with you. He says France will uphold it in every court, but I will drag you through every court, don't forget that. And when I say it will take two years I am, as always, conservative. -My lawyer agrees with you. He says France will uphold it in every court, but I will drag you through every court, don't forget that. And when I say it will take two years I am, as always, conservative. Won't those two years in court be expensive for you? I know that money was no object as long as you could squeeze it from the pockets of the people, but now... -Won't those two years in court be expensive for you? I know that money was no object as long as you could squeeze it from the pockets of the people, but now... I may run out of money, but you have already run out of bread. Two years is a long time for your comrades to wait. -I may run out of money, but you have already run out of bread. Two years is a long time for your comrades to wait. I see. You have calculated in terms of hunger. -I see. You have calculated in terms of hunger. No, I just wanted to be absolutely impartial. Both of us are faced with two rather uncomfortable years. We can condense these two years to two minutes if you want to accept my proposition. Ninotchka now realizes what she is after. -No, I just wanted to be absolutely impartial. Both of us are faced with two rather uncomfortable years. We can condense these two years to two minutes if you want to accept my proposition. Ninotchka now realizes what she is after. Go on. -Go on. I am willing to hand over the jewels and sign the necessary papers if you take that five-forty plane to Moscow. -I am willing to hand over the jewels and sign the necessary papers if you take that five-forty plane to Moscow. That's not the way to win him back... not Leon. -That's not the way to win him back... not Leon. I think I know Leon quite as well as you... possibly a little better. Leave that worry to me. Five-forty leaves you time enough to close the deal with Monsieur Mercier, but naturally you'll be too busy for any farewells. I'll see to it that everything is done in the most expeditious manner and I will also see you to the airport. That's my proposition, Comrade Yakushova. -Here, please... What do you want? -What do you want? May I have your bags, madame? -May I have your bags, madame? Why? -Well... that's my business, madame. That's no business... that's a social injustice. -That's no business... that's a social injustice. That depends on the tip. -Good morning, Comrade. Good morning, Comrade Commissar. Here is my report on the materials available for trading in the next four months. -Good morning, Comrade Commissar. Here is my report on the materials available for trading in the next four months. Does this include the products of the Far Eastern provinces? -Does this include the products of the Far Eastern provinces? Yes, it does. -Yes, it does. You mean you have finished the whole investigation? -You mean you have finished the whole investigation? Yes. -Yes. That's marvelous.... You must have worked day and night.... Don't you ever sleep? -That's marvelous.... You must have worked day and night.... Don't you ever sleep? I need very little sleep. We must be extremely careful what goods we take in exchange. I have already started a survey of our most urgent needs. -I need very little sleep. We must be extremely careful what goods we take in exchange. I have already started a survey of our most urgent needs. Well, Comrade, I am afraid you will have to turn over that work to someone else. -Well, Comrade, I am afraid you will have to turn over that work to someone else. May I ask why? -May I ask why? Please... sit down. -Cigarette? Thank you. -Thank you. Well, Comrade, have you heard from your friends Kopalski, Buljanoff, and Iranoff? -Well, Comrade, have you heard from your friends Kopalski, Buljanoff, and Iranoff? No. -No. I haven't either, but I've heard about them. You must realize it was only on the strength of your Paris report that I sent them to Constantinople; without that I never would have trusted them on a mission as important as the fur deal. -I haven't either, but I've heard about them. You must realize it was only on the strength of your Paris report that I sent them to Constantinople; without that I never would have trusted them on a mission as important as the fur deal. May I ask what has happened? -May I ask what has happened? "As soon as our representatives go to a foreign country they seem to lose all sense of balance. If I told you what's going on in Constantinople right now you wouldn't believe it. Those three have been sitting there for six weeks and haven't sold a piece of fur. This anonymous report was sent me. They are dragging the good name of our country through every café and night club. Here... ""How can the Bolshevik cause gain respect among the Moslems if your three representatives, Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski, get so drunk that they throw a carpet out of their hotel window and complain to the management that it didn't fly?""" -Oh, they shouldn't do such things. Are you sure this report is correct? It gives details which couldn't be invented. Naturally I want to verify it and that's why I need you. -It gives details which couldn't be invented. Naturally I want to verify it and that's why I need you. You want me to go to Constantinople? -You want me to go to Constantinople? Yes... leaving immediately. -Yes... leaving immediately. I appreciate the confidence you show in me, but I must ask you to entrust someone else with this mission. I should hate to interrupt my present work. I am positive that my survey is more important than finding out whether three of our comrades have been drinking some extra glasses of champagne. -I appreciate the confidence you show in me, but I must ask you to entrust someone else with this mission. I should hate to interrupt my present work. I am positive that my survey is more important than finding out whether three of our comrades have been drinking some extra glasses of champagne. That is for me to decide, Comrade Yakushova. -That is for me to decide, Comrade Yakushova. I am sorry, I don't want to overstep my position -- but please... don't send me. -I am sorry, I don't want to overstep my position -- but please... don't send me. I don't understand. -I don't understand. How can I make myself clear... It is difficult to express but I'd rather not go to foreign countries any more. Please, Comrade... let me stay here... let me finish my work... I am in the rhythm of it now... I don't want to go away. I don't want to be sent into that foreign atmosphere again. It throws one out of gear.... Let me finish my work... I have concentrated everything in it... Please... don't make me go. -How can I make myself clear... It is difficult to express but I'd rather not go to foreign countries any more. Please, Comrade... let me stay here... let me finish my work... I am in the rhythm of it now... I don't want to go away. I don't want to be sent into that foreign atmosphere again. It throws one out of gear.... Let me finish my work... I have concentrated everything in it... Please... don't make me go. Please don't waste my time, Comrade. Do your duty. Good-by. -Please don't waste my time, Comrade. Do your duty. Good-by. I will do my best. -This way, madame. Are you alone? By the window perhaps? Or a nice little corner table? This will do. -This will do. I think this is the first time you have been to my little place. Your face is new to me. Now, what shall it be? -I think this is the first time you have been to my little place. Your face is new to me. Now, what shall it be? Raw carrots and beets. -Raw carrots and beets. Oh, madame! This is a restaurant, not a meadow. -Bring me something simple. I never think about food. But, madame! If you don't think about food what do you think about? -But, madame! If you don't think about food what do you think about? The future of the common people. -The future of the common people. That also is a question of food, madame. I'll bring you a nice little lunch à la Père Mathieu. -Where to, madame? Can you recommend a restaurant? -Can you recommend a restaurant? Well, there's Pruniers if you care for seafood. If you want to lunch in the Bois, there's... -Well, there's Pruniers if you care for seafood. If you want to lunch in the Bois, there's... Where do you eat? -Where do you eat? At Père Mathieu's. -At Père Mathieu's. Where is that? -Where is that? It's just a place for workmen. -It's just a place for workmen. Where is it? -Where is it? Eight blocks down in the Rue de Poivrel. -Your Highness. How do you do, my friend. -How do you do, my friend. Your Highness, forgive this intrusion, but... -Your Highness, forgive this intrusion, but... What is it, Rakonin? Did you lose your job? -What is it, Rakonin? Did you lose your job? No, madame, something of the utmost importance... it concerns your jewels. -No, madame, something of the utmost importance... it concerns your jewels. My jewels?! -My jewels?! I remember one birthday of His Majesty, our beloved Czar... I had the honor of being on guard at the summer palace... I still see you bending before His Majesty... You wore your diadem and a necklace... your face seemed to be lighted by the jewels. -I remember one birthday of His Majesty, our beloved Czar... I had the honor of being on guard at the summer palace... I still see you bending before His Majesty... You wore your diadem and a necklace... your face seemed to be lighted by the jewels. Why do you bring this up after so many years? -Why do you bring this up after so many years? They are here!... Your jewels!... Here in Paris! -They are here!... Your jewels!... Here in Paris! Alexis! Do you know what you are saying? -Alexis! Do you know what you are saying? This morning three Soviet agents arrived. I overheard a telephone conversation with Mercier, the jeweler. Your Highness, they are going to sell them! -I am sorry... I have to leave. Thank you so much, my friend. I will get in touch with you. -Sir, the charges are serious -- first, abuse of power; second, obstruction of justice; third, failure to cooperate with Congress; and last, bombing Cambodia ... They can't impeach me for bombing Cambodia. The President can bomb anybody he wants. -Sir, if I may ... echo my concern ... Then tell Richardson to fire him. -You're lawyers. How can you let this shit go by! Look! This? Nixon can't say this. You did say it, sir. -You did say it, sir. Never. I never said that about Jews! -We could check the tape again, sir. You don't need to check the tape. I know what I said. -For Christ's sake, it soils my mother's memory. Do you think I want the whole goddamn world to see my mother like this? Raising a dirty mouth! But sir, we'll have to start over from the beginning. We don't have the staff to ... -Mr. President, I don't know what to say. As soon as we learned from the Secret Service you were en route, the Director was notified. He should be here any minute. Where the hell is he? -Where the hell is he? Uh, he's rushing back from his tennis game, sir ... -Uh, he's rushing back from his tennis game, sir ... So ... let's go ... -So ... let's go ... He told me to take you to his conference room. -He told me to take you to his conference room. No. His office. I want a very private conversation. I don't want to be bugged. -No. His office. I want a very private conversation. I don't want to be bugged. Then his office will be fine. -How's the job coming, Bob? Frankly, sir, it stinks. I have no access. I'm lucky Helms lets me have a staff. -Frankly, sir, it stinks. I have no access. I'm lucky Helms lets me have a staff. We'll see about that ... -We'll see about that ... He's nervous, sir. He's heard you're looking for a new director. -He's nervous, sir. He's heard you're looking for a new director. Well, he certainly isn't acting like it. -Well, he certainly isn't acting like it. "That's Helms. He's ""sang froid,"" a world-class poker player." -"That's Helms. He's ""sang froid,"" a world-class poker player." Yeah? Well, I own the fucking casino. -The bigger problem I see is this guy who was arrested, McCord -- James McCord -- he headed up security for the Committee to Re-Elect. He turns out to be ex-CIA. """Ex-CIA""? There's no such thing as ""ex-CIA,"" John -- they're all Ivy League Establishment. Is he one of these guys with a beef against us?" -So, what about those Watergate clowns, John? This fuck Sirica's crazy. Thirty-five-year sentences! There were no weapons. Right? No injuries. There was no success! It's just ridiculous. Sirica's just trying to force one of them to testify. But they're solid. -Sirica's just trying to force one of them to testify. But they're solid. Then what about this Washington Post crap? Woodwind and Fernstein? -Mr. President, Hunt wants more money. Another hundred-and-thirty thousand. Son of a bitch. -Son of a bitch. He says if he doesn't get it right away, he's going to blow us out of the water. And he means it. Ever since his wife died in the plane crash, he's been over the edge. -He says if he doesn't get it right away, he's going to blow us out of the water. And he means it. Ever since his wife died in the plane crash, he's been over the edge. Pay him. Pay him what he wants. -Executive clemency ... What? -What? Hunt has nothing to lose now. Pardon all of them. Nobody's going to investigate a crime for which the criminals have already been pardoned. -Hunt has nothing to lose now. Pardon all of them. Nobody's going to investigate a crime for which the criminals have already been pardoned. I like that. That's a solution. -Mitchell? Mitchell's ... family. Either it goes to Mitchell or it comes here. -How much do you need? Uh, I would say these people are going to cost a million dollars over the next two years ... -Uh, I would say these people are going to cost a million dollars over the next two years ... We could get that. -We could get that. Uh huh ... -Uh huh ... We could get a million dollars. We could get it in cash. I know where it could be gotten. -I'm still not confident we can ride through this. Some people are going to have to go to jail. Hunt's not the only problem. Haldeman let me use the $350,000 cash fund in his safe to make the payments. Ehrlichman had a role, a big role, in the Ellsberg break-in. And I'm ... uh, I think it's time we begin to think in terms of cutting our losses. You say, John, cut our losses and all the rest. But suppose the thing blows and they indict Bob and the others. Jesus, you'd never recover from that, John. It's better to fight it out instead, and not let people testify ... -You say, John, cut our losses and all the rest. But suppose the thing blows and they indict Bob and the others. Jesus, you'd never recover from that, John. It's better to fight it out instead, and not let people testify ... Sir, I still don't think, uh, we can contain it anymore. There's a cancer on the presidency. And it's growing. With every day that ... -Sir, I still don't think, uh, we can contain it anymore. There's a cancer on the presidency. And it's growing. With every day that ... Jesus, everything is a crisis among the upper intellectual types, the softheads. The average people don't think it's much of a crisis. For Christ's sake, it's not Vietnam ... no one's dying here. Isn't it ridiculous? -Jesus, everything is a crisis among the upper intellectual types, the softheads. The average people don't think it's much of a crisis. For Christ's sake, it's not Vietnam ... no one's dying here. Isn't it ridiculous? I agree it's ridiculous but -- -I agree it's ridiculous but -- "I mean, who the hell cares about this penny-ante shit. Goldwater put it right. He said: ""Well for Christ's sake, everybody bugs everybody else; we know that."" ... It's the cover-up, not the deed that's really bad here. If only Mitchell could step up and take the brunt of it; give them the hors d'oeuvre and maybe they won't come back for the main course. That's the tragedy of all this. Mitchell's going to get it in the neck anyway. It's time he assumed some responsibility." -He's right. Maybe it's time to go to the hang-out route, John. A full and thorough investigation ... We've cooperated with the FBI, we'll cooperate with the Senate. What do we have to hide? No, we have nothing to hide. -No, we have nothing to hide. We have nothing to hide. But the only flaw in the plan is that they're not going to believe the truth. That is the incredible thing! -You want me to put it all in writing? Over my signature? Nobody knows more about this thing than you do, John. -I'm not going to be the scapegoat for this. Haldeman and Ehrlichman are in just as deep as me. "John, you don't want to start down that road. I remember what Whittaker Chambers told me back in '48 -- and he was a man who suffered greatly -- he said, ""On the road of the informer, it's always night."" This is beyond you or even me. It's the country, John. It's the presidency." -"John, you don't want to start down that road. I remember what Whittaker Chambers told me back in '48 -- and he was a man who suffered greatly -- he said, ""On the road of the informer, it's always night."" This is beyond you or even me. It's the country, John. It's the presidency." I understand that, sir. -I understand that, sir. Good. You know how I feel about loyalty. I'm not going to let any of my people go to jail. That I promise you. The important thing is to keep this away from Haldeman and Ehrlichman. I'm trusting you to do that, John. I have complete confidence in you. -I was sorry to hear about your wife. Yes ... I got the money. -Yes ... I got the money. The President would like to know if that was the last payment. -The President would like to know if that was the last payment. I'll bet he would. -I'll bet he would. Is it? -Is it? In Richard Nixon's long history of underhanded dealings, he has never gotten better value for his money. If I were to open my mouth, all the dominoes would fall. -How the hell do you have the temerity to blackmail the President of the United States? That's not the question, John. The question is: Why is he paying? -That's not the question, John. The question is: Why is he paying? To protect his people. -To protect his people. I'm one of his people. The Cubans are his people. And we're going to jail for him. -I'm one of his people. The Cubans are his people. And we're going to jail for him. Howard, you'll serve no more than two years, then he'll pardon you. -Howard, you'll serve no more than two years, then he'll pardon you. John, sooner or later -- sooner, I think -- you are going to learn the lesson that has been learned by everyone who has ever gotten close to Richard Nixon. That he's the darkness reaching out for the darkness. And eventually, it's either you or him. Look at the landscape of his life and you'll see a boneyard. -It was her wrist. And it was through a plate-glass door. Anyway, they had to take her to Bellevue. Maybe she'll stay this time. -Let's not forget they're just kids, they don't vote. It's the fall of the Roman Empire, are you blind? And we're putting fig leaves on the statues ... -Yeah ... Sullivan thinks Henry's leaking. He's the one ... Yeah, I knew it. I knew it from '69 on, and I said it all along, didn't I ... -Who's gonna tell Mitchell? You do it. -You do it. Why me? -Why me? 'Cause he hates you. It's worse when you get it from someone you trust. -'Cause he hates you. It's worse when you get it from someone you trust. He's wrong, you know -- about Kennedy, LBJ, Truman. -He's wrong, you know -- about Kennedy, LBJ, Truman. How so? -How so? Sure, they did stuff, but nothing like this, Bob. Forget Watergate, the break-ins, the Enemies list. You got an attempted firebombing at the Brookings Institution, planting McGovern stuff on the guy that shot Wallace, trying to slip LSD to Jack Anderson. -Sure, they did stuff, but nothing like this, Bob. Forget Watergate, the break-ins, the Enemies list. You got an attempted firebombing at the Brookings Institution, planting McGovern stuff on the guy that shot Wallace, trying to slip LSD to Jack Anderson. "The ""Old Man"" plays politics harder than anybody else." -"The ""Old Man"" plays politics harder than anybody else." You think this is just about politics? -It's a code or something. I figured that out. -I figured that out. I think he means the Kennedy assassination. -I think he means the Kennedy assassination. Yeah? -Yeah? "They went after Castro. In some crazy way it got turned on Kennedy. I don't think the ""P"" knows what happened, but he's afraid to find out. It's got him shitting peach pits." -"They went after Castro. In some crazy way it got turned on Kennedy. I don't think the ""P"" knows what happened, but he's afraid to find out. It's got him shitting peach pits." Christ, we created Frankenstein with those fucking Cubans. -"Eight words back in '72 -- ""I covered up. I was wrong. I'm sorry"" -- and the American public would've forgiven him. But we never opened our mouths, John. We failed him." "Dick Nixon saying ""I'm sorry""? That'll be the day. The whole suit of armor'd fall off." -"Dick Nixon saying ""I'm sorry""? That'll be the day. The whole suit of armor'd fall off." So you tell Mitchell ... -Colson doesn't know about it; he's pure as a virgin on this one. It's just not clear the burglars knew what they were looking for. They were heading to McGovern's office later that night. Jesus! Did Mitchell know? -Jesus! Did Mitchell know? Mitchell's out of his mind now. Martha just put her head through a plate-glass window. -Mitchell's out of his mind now. Martha just put her head through a plate-glass window. Jesus! Through a window? -Martha's an idiot, she'll do anything to get John's attention. If Mitchell'd been minding the store instead of that nut Martha we wouldn't have that kid Magruder runnin' some third-rate burglary! Was he smoking pot? Mitchell? -Mitchell? No! Magruder! That sonofabitch tests my Quaker patience to the breaking point. -McCord? ... "Find out what the hell he was doing at ""CREEP."" This could be trouble. These CIA guys don't miss a trick. This could be a set-up." -I don't have time for all this shit! Just handle it, Bob! Keep it out of the White House. What else? Kissinger's waiting -- he's gonna throw a tantrum again if I don't see him, threatening to quit ... again. Well, sir ... it turns out -- one of the people implicated is still, you see, on our White House payroll. -Well, sir ... it turns out -- one of the people implicated is still, you see, on our White House payroll. Who? Not another goddamn Cuban? -Hunt? Howard Hunt? He left his White House phone number in his hotel room. -Goddamn! How long have we had this fucking dog?! Two years, he still doesn't come! We need a dog that looks happy when the press is around. Well, he's photogenic. Let's try dog bones? -I like it. I like the idea. Is it legal? I mean has anyone ever done it before? -Is it legal? I mean has anyone ever done it before? Sure. Lyndon, JFK, FDR -- I mean, Truman cut the shit out of my investigation of Hiss back in '48. -Where's Hunt now? In hiding. He sent Liddy to talk to me. -In hiding. He sent Liddy to talk to me. And? -And? He wants money. -He wants money. Pay him. -Pay him. Pay him? I told him to get out of the country. It's crazy to start ... -Pay him? I told him to get out of the country. It's crazy to start ... What the hell are you doing, Ehrlichman? Screwing with the CIA? I don't care how much he wants -- pay him. -It's more than that. It could be more than that. I want Hunt paid. Uh, we've never done this before, sir ... How do we pay? In ... hundreds? Do you fill a black bag full of unmarked bills? -Uh, we've never done this before, sir ... How do we pay? In ... hundreds? Do you fill a black bag full of unmarked bills? This is not a joke, John! -This is not a joke, John! No, sir. -No, sir. We should set up a Cuban defense fund on this; take care of all of them. -Oh, I suppose you would've just let them take over. These aren't fraternity pranks, John. It's anarchy. A revolution! I don't know if I'd go that far, sir. -I don't know if I'd go that far, sir. Why not? -Why not? Is the war worth it? Is it worth a one-term presidency? Because I think right now that's what we're looking at. -Is the war worth it? Is it worth a one-term presidency? Because I think right now that's what we're looking at. I will not go down as the first American president to lose a war! Going into Cambodia, bombing Hanoi, bombing Laos -- it buys us time so we can get out and give the South Vietnamese a fighting chance. -Excuse me ... Are you talking about recognizing China, Mr. President? That would cost us our strongest support. No ... I can do this because I've spent my whole career building anti Communist credentials. -We can't touch Hoover -- I thought the gloves were off. -I thought the gloves were off. -- as long as he's got secret files on everybody. I don't want 'em used against us. What about the CIA? Helms's done nothing for us. I want to see him. -The soldiers were provoked. The students started it, for Christ's sake! Sir, there's dead American kids here. Let's say we don't apologize for Kent State, but maybe we could have a national prayer day ... -He's in the dumps, sir. Agnew. Every time you have him attack the press, they give it back to him in spades. He's become the most hated man in America. Yeah, good old Spiro. Well, better him than me. What the hell is he but an insurance policy? -He's begging for a meeting, chief. He wants to go overseas for awhile. Well, no place where they speak English. That way he can always say he was misquoted. -The country's loving it. "The hard-core four million ""Nixon nuts"" aren't gonna go for it ... They'll say I sold out to the Communists." -No, you didn't, Bob. "Looks like he talked to Joe Kraft ... and to the Times. Told them he was dead set against the bombing, that you were ... ""unstable."" Claims he has to handle you ""with kid gloves"" ..." -I would personally enjoy doing that, sir. "No, no. He's our only ""star"" right now. He'd go crying straight to the press. He'd crucify us -- the sonofabitch! Get someone from our staff on his ass. Tap his phones. I want to know everyone he talks to." -I end the longest war in American history and they keep harping on this chickenshit! You know who's behind this, don't you -- it's Teddy Kennedy! He drowns a broad in his car and he can't run for president. He got pretty burned at Chappaquiddick. -He got pretty burned at Chappaquiddick. My point exactly! Somebody had to die before his shit got in the paper! Fucking Kennedys get away with everything. Do you see me screwing everything that moves? For Christ's sake! I did what the New York Times editorial page said we should do! I ended the war, I got SALT I with the Russians, I opened China! So why are these cocksuckers turning on me? Because they don't like the way I look. Where I went to school. -What about England? Forget it. Ehrenberg's paid three times that much ... -It'll never wash. Pardoning them means we're guilty. The people, the press will go nuts. And what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and watch them coming closer? Eating their way to the center? Lyndon bugged! So did Kennedy! FDR cut a deal with Lucky Luciano. Christ, even Ike had a mistress! What's so special about me? What about Lyndon? He could make a couple of calls to the Hill and shut this whole thing down. Did anyone talk to him? -I don't know, I don't know ... I just know we've made too many enemies. Sir, Bob and I are gonna have to testify before Earvin's committee. -Sir, Bob and I are gonna have to testify before Earvin's committee. No, you're not! You're going to claim executive privilege and you're going to stonewall it all the way -- plead the Fifth Amendment. I don't give a shit. They can't force the President's people to testify. -No, you're not! You're going to claim executive privilege and you're going to stonewall it all the way -- plead the Fifth Amendment. I don't give a shit. They can't force the President's people to testify. Executive privilege will make it look like we're covering up. -Executive privilege will make it look like we're covering up. We are covering up! For some petty, stupid shit. There are things I can say -- when other people say them, they'd be lies. But when I say them nobody believes me anyway ... -This is June twentieth? It's marked. Also there's June twenty third. And this year -- March twenty first. Those are the ones ... -Sorry ... ... go on. -... Y'know Al, if Hoover was alive none of this would've happened. He would've protected the President. Mr. Hoover was a realist. -Mr. Hoover was a realist. I trusted Mitchell. It was that damn big mouth wife of his. -I trusted Mitchell. It was that damn big mouth wife of his. At least Mitchell stood up to it. -At least Mitchell stood up to it. "Not like the others -- Dean, McCord, the rest ... We never got our side of the story out, Al. People've forgotten. I mean: ""Fuck you, Mr. President, fuck you Tricia, fuck you Julie!"" and all that shit, just words, but what violence! The tear gassing, the riots, burning the draft cards, Black Panthers -- we fixed it, Al, and they hate me for it -- the double dealing bastards. They lionize that traitor, Ellsberg, for stealing secrets, but they jump all over me 'cause it's Nixon. ... They've always hated Nixon." -May I say something, Mr. President? There's no secrets here, Al. -There's no secrets here, Al. You've never been a greater example to the country than you are now, sir, but ... but you need to get out more, sir, and talk to the people. No one I know feels ... close to you. -No, sir, you did not. Damn right. And there's still a helluva lotta people out there who wanna believe ... That's the point, isn't it? They wanna believe in the President. -You're all set, sir. Just push this button. Good night, Mr. President. You know, Al, men in your profession ... you give 'em a pistol and you leave the room. -You know, Al, men in your profession ... you give 'em a pistol and you leave the room. I don't have a pistol. -I don't have a pistol. 'Night, Al. -Exactly! We've got to take the war to them. Hit 'em where it hurts -- right in the nuts. More assassinations, more killings. Right, Al? That's what they're doing. -That's what they're doing. "These State Department jerks, Bill, don't understand; you got to electrify people with bold moves. Bold moves make history, like Teddy Roosevelt -- ""T.R."" -- rushing up San Juan Hill. Small event but dramatic. People took notice." -It's the President's personal property! I will never give up my tapes to a bunch of Kennedy-loving Harvard Democrat cocksuckers! This could trigger the impeachment. They'll go to the Supreme Court next. -This could trigger the impeachment. They'll go to the Supreme Court next. Let 'em try! I appointed three of those bastards! I'm not giving 'em my tapes! -Let 'em try! I appointed three of those bastards! I'm not giving 'em my tapes! Can the president afford to ignore a subpoena? -Can the president afford to ignore a subpoena? Who the fuck does Cox think he is? I never made a dime from public office! I'm honest. My dad died broke. You know the sonofabitch went to law school with Jack Kennedy? ... The last gasp of the Establishment! They got the hell kicked out of 'em in the election, so now they gotta squeal about Watergate 'cause we were the first real threat to them in years. And by God, Al, we would have changed it, changed it so they couldn't have changed it back in a hundred years, if only ... -Who the fuck does Cox think he is? I never made a dime from public office! I'm honest. My dad died broke. You know the sonofabitch went to law school with Jack Kennedy? ... The last gasp of the Establishment! They got the hell kicked out of 'em in the election, so now they gotta squeal about Watergate 'cause we were the first real threat to them in years. And by God, Al, we would have changed it, changed it so they couldn't have changed it back in a hundred years, if only ... Congress is considering four articles of impeachment, sir. -Congress is considering four articles of impeachment, sir. For what?! -About a dozen. A dozen? I got half of 'em elected. I still got the South and Goldwater and his boys. I'll take my chances with the Senate. -Who? Cox! Fire him. -Cox! Fire him. But he works for the Attorney General. Only Richardson can fire him. -Richardson won't do that. He'll resign. The hell he will! Fire him, too. If you have to go all the way down to the janitor at the Justice Department, fire the sonofabitch! And ... -... an action that will at last, once and for all, show that what I knew and what I did with regard to the Watergate break-in and cover-up were just as I have described them to you from the very beginning ... He's completely lost touch with reality. -He's completely lost touch with reality. I had no knowledge of the cover-up until John Dean told me about it on March twenty-first. And I did not intend that payment to Hunt or anyone else be made ... -"""Victory at Sea,"" Al ... Henry. The Pacific Theatre. Christ, you can almost feel the waves breaking over the decks." I'm afraid we have another problem, Mr. President. -June twenty-third, '72, sir. The part that's underlined. Your instructions to Haldeman regarding the CIA and the FBI. So? -So? "Your lawyers feel it's the ... ""smoking gun.""" -"Your lawyers feel it's the ... ""smoking gun.""" It's totally out of context. I was protecting the national security. I never intended -- -It's totally out of context. I was protecting the national security. I never intended -- Sir, the deadline is today. -Sir, the deadline is today. Can we get around this, Al? -Can we get around this, Al? It's the Supreme Court, sir; you don't get around it. -If you resign, you can keep your tapes as a private citizen ... You can fight them for years. And if I stay? -The army? Lincoln used it. -Lincoln used it. That was civil war. -That was civil war. How do you see this? -We can't survive this, sir. They also have you instructing Dean to make the payoff to Hunt. There is nothing in that statement the President can't explain. -There is nothing in that statement the President can't explain. "Sir, you talked about opening up the whole ""Bay of Pigs"" thing again." -"Sir, you talked about opening up the whole ""Bay of Pigs"" thing again." That's right ... -That's right ... Three days before, on the June twentieth tape -- the one with the eighteen-minute gap -- -Three days before, on the June twentieth tape -- the one with the eighteen-minute gap -- I don't know anything about that. -I don't know anything about that. "... you mentioned the ""Bay of Pigs"" several times. Sooner or later they're going to want to know what that means. They're going to want to know what was on that gap ..." -"... you mentioned the ""Bay of Pigs"" several times. Sooner or later they're going to want to know what that means. They're going to want to know what was on that gap ..." It's gone. No one will ever find out what's on it. -... they smelled the blood on me this time, Al. I got soft. You know ... that rusty, metallic smell ... I know it well, sir. -I know it well, sir. It came over from Vietnam, you know. -It came over from Vietnam, you know. Sir? -Sir? That smell. I mean, everybody suffered so much, their sons killed. They need to sacrifice something, y'know, appease the gods of war -- Mars, Jupiter. I am that blood, General. I am that sacrifice, in the highest place of all ... All leaders must finally be sacrificed. -They did what?! I don't understand. Why'd they go into O'Brien's office in the first place? Evidently to install bugs and photograph documents. -But O'Brien doesn't even use that office. The Democrats've moved to Miami. There's nothing there! It was just a fishing expedition. Apparently it was their fourth attempt at the DNC. -It was just a fishing expedition. Apparently it was their fourth attempt at the DNC. Their fourth! -Their fourth! It's possible they were looking for evidence of an illegal Howard Hughes donation to the Democrats, so the Democrats couldn't make an issue of your Hughes money. -It's possible they were looking for evidence of an illegal Howard Hughes donation to the Democrats, so the Democrats couldn't make an issue of your Hughes money. Contributions! It was a legal contribution. Who the hell authorized this? Colson? -We feel the bigger concern is Gordon Liddy ... That fruitcake! What about him? -That fruitcake! What about him? "Well, you know, sir, he's a nut. He used to work here with the ""Plumbers"" and now he's running this Watergate caper. You remember his plan to firebomb the Brookings using Cubans as firemen? He wanted to buy a damned fire truck! Magruder thinks he's just nutty enough to go off the reservation." -"Well, you know, sir, he's a nut. He used to work here with the ""Plumbers"" and now he's running this Watergate caper. You remember his plan to firebomb the Brookings using Cubans as firemen? He wanted to buy a damned fire truck! Magruder thinks he's just nutty enough to go off the reservation." What's Liddy got? -What's Liddy got? Apparently he was using some campaign cash that was laundered for us through Mexico. The FBI's onto it. We could have a problem with that. -He works for Colson. He used him on the Pentagon Papers. We're trying to figure out when he officially stopped being a White House consultant. After the arrest he dumped his wiretapping stuff into his White House safe. Howard Hunt is working for the White House? No shit! This is goddamn Disneyland! Since when? -On the list of horribles, I know what he is. And I know what he tracks back to. You say he was involved in the Plumbers? Definitely. Colson had him trying to break into Bremer's apartment after Bremer shot Wallace, to plant McGovern campaign literature. -Definitely. Colson had him trying to break into Bremer's apartment after Bremer shot Wallace, to plant McGovern campaign literature. I had nothing to do with that. Was he ... in the Ellsberg thing? -I had nothing to do with that. Was he ... in the Ellsberg thing? Yes, you approved it, sir. -Yes, you approved it, sir. I did? -I did? It was right after the Pentagon Papers broke. They went in to get his psychiatric records. -It was right after the Pentagon Papers broke. They went in to get his psychiatric records. Fucking hell. -Fucking hell. We were working on China. -Well, why not? Our own intelligence capability -- to fix the leaks? -Howard Hunt? ... Jesus Christ, you open up that scab ... and you uncover a lot of pus. What do you mean, sir? -But what are we paying him for? Silence! -Silence! "But, sir, you're covered -- no one here gave orders to break into the damned Watergate. We're clean. It's only the Ellsberg thing, and if that comes out, it's ""national security.""" -"But, sir, you're covered -- no one here gave orders to break into the damned Watergate. We're clean. It's only the Ellsberg thing, and if that comes out, it's ""national security.""" """Security"" is not strong enough." -"""Security"" is not strong enough." How about a COMINT classification? We put it on the Huston plan. Even the designation is classified. -How about a COMINT classification? We put it on the Huston plan. Even the designation is classified. """National Priority.""" -"""National security priority restricted and controlled secret.""" We'll work on it. I say we cut ourselves loose from these clowns and that's all there is to it. -Should we talk to Trini about paying these guys? Or maybe Chotiner? No, keep Trini out of this. Chotiner's too old. And for God's sake, keep Colson out. It's time to baptize our young counsel. That means Dean can never talk about it. Attorney-client privilege. Get to it. And Dean -- you stay close on this. -Bob, did I approve the Ellsberg thing? You know, I'm glad we tape all these conversations because ... I never approved that break-in at Ellsberg's psychiatrist. Or maybe I approved it after the fact? Someday we've got to start transcribing the tapes. You approved that before the fact, because I went over it with you. But ... -You approved that before the fact, because I went over it with you. But ... Uh, no one, of course, is going to see these tapes, but ... -Uh, no one, of course, is going to see these tapes, but ... That's right, and it's more a problem for Ehrlichman. He fixed Hunt up with the phony CIA ID's, but ... what else does Hunt have on us? -We've got to turn off the FBI. You just go to the CIA, Bob, and tell Helms that Howard Hunt is blackmailing the President. Tell him that Hunt and his Cuban friends know too damn much, and if he goes public, it would be a fiasco for the CIA. He'll know what I'm talking about. All right. -All right. Play it tough. That's the way they play it and that's the way we're going to play it. Don't lie to Helms and say there's no involvement, but just say this is sort of a comedy of errors, bizarre, without getting into it. Say the President believes it's going to open up the whole Bay of Pigs thing again. Tell Helms he should call the FBI, call Pat Gray, and say that we wish for the sake of the country -- don't go any further into this hanky-panky, period! -Play it tough. That's the way they play it and that's the way we're going to play it. Don't lie to Helms and say there's no involvement, but just say this is sort of a comedy of errors, bizarre, without getting into it. Say the President believes it's going to open up the whole Bay of Pigs thing again. Tell Helms he should call the FBI, call Pat Gray, and say that we wish for the sake of the country -- don't go any further into this hanky-panky, period! The Bay of Pigs? ... That was Kennedy's screw-up. How does that threaten us? -The Bay of Pigs? ... That was Kennedy's screw-up. How does that threaten us? Just do what I say, Bob. -Just do what I say, Bob. Yes, sir, but ... do you think Gray'll go for it? -Yes, sir, but ... do you think Gray'll go for it? Pat Gray'll do anything we ask him. That's why I appointed him. -Pat Gray'll do anything we ask him. That's why I appointed him. He'll need a pretext. He'll never figure one out for himself. -He'll need a pretext. He'll never figure one out for himself. Christ, you're right -- Gray makes Jerry Ford look like Mozart. Just have Helms call him. Helms can scare anybody. -Christ, you're right -- Gray makes Jerry Ford look like Mozart. Just have Helms call him. Helms can scare anybody. The only problem with that, sir -- it gets us into obstruction of justice. -The only problem with that, sir -- it gets us into obstruction of justice. It's got nothing to do with justice. It's national security. -It's got nothing to do with justice. It's national security. How is this national security? -How is this national security? Because the President says it is. My job is to protect this country from its enemies, and its enemies are inside the walls. -I suppose you thought the Presidency was above this sort of thing. Sir? -Sir? "This isn't a ""moral"" issue, Bob. We have to keep our enemies at bay or our whole program is gonna go down the tubes. The FBI is filled with people who are pissed that I put Gray in and not one of their own. Vietnam, China, the Soviet Union: when you look at the big picture, Bob, you'll see we're doing a hell of a lotta good in this world. Let's not screw it up with some shit-ass, third-rate burglary." -"This isn't a ""moral"" issue, Bob. We have to keep our enemies at bay or our whole program is gonna go down the tubes. The FBI is filled with people who are pissed that I put Gray in and not one of their own. Vietnam, China, the Soviet Union: when you look at the big picture, Bob, you'll see we're doing a hell of a lotta good in this world. Let's not screw it up with some shit-ass, third-rate burglary." I'll talk to Helms. Oh, Pat asked if you're coming to the Residence for dinner tonight. -I'll talk to Helms. Oh, Pat asked if you're coming to the Residence for dinner tonight. No, no, not tonight. Don't let her in here. I have too much to do. -No, no, not tonight. Don't let her in here. I have too much to do. Yes, sir. I'll talk to Helms, and, uh ... what's our press position on this Watergate thing? What do I tell Ziegler to tell them? -... When we consider the lineup of the world, we find there are 590 million people on our side, 800 million on the Communist side, and 600 million who are neutral. The odds are 5 to 3 against us ... He wouldn't do the makeup. Said it was for queers. -I think ... I think ... that's the sort of very dangerous and irresponsible suggestion that ... helping the Cuban exiles who oppose Castro would, uh ... not only be a violation of international law, it would be ... He's treading water. Don't mention Khrushchev. -He's treading water. Don't mention Khrushchev. ... an open invitation for Mr. Khrushchev to become involved in Latin America. We would lose all our friends in Latin America. -Meanwhile, what happens to the country? The bastard! If I'd called his shot on Cuba I would've won. He made me look soft. -Where are they? Dick, you don't have to make a statement. Herb covered it for you. -Dick, you don't have to make a statement. Herb covered it for you. No! -Cue the crowd. Go to the woman's group. Get the bald guy, he's great ... I, unlike Senator Kennedy, have a plan to end the war. But not for peace at any price, but peace with honor! -He wasn't protecting me. He was putting me on notice. What? That he knew Johnny Roselli? Hoover knew a lot of gangsters. -What? That he knew Johnny Roselli? Hoover knew a lot of gangsters. Yeah, but Roselli wasn't just any gangster. He was the gangster who set up Track 2 in Cuba. -I don't understand. Track 2's Chile? Chile, Congo, Guatemala, Cuba. Wherever's there's a need for an Executive Action capability, there's a Track 2. In Cuba, Track 1 was the Bay of Pigs invasion. Track 2 ... it was our idea. We felt the invasion wouldn't work unless we got rid of Castro. So we asked ourselves -- who else wants Castro dead? The Mafia, the money people. So we put together Track 2 ... -The first assassination attempt was in '60, just before the election. Before?! Eisenhower approved that? -Before?! Eisenhower approved that? He didn't veto it. I ran the White House side. The mob contact was Johnny Roselli. One of the CIA guys was that jackass, Howard Hunt. -He didn't veto it. I ran the White House side. The mob contact was Johnny Roselli. One of the CIA guys was that jackass, Howard Hunt. Jesus! -Jesus! And not just Hunt. Frank Sturgis, all those Cubans. All of them in the Watergate. They were involved in Track 2 in Cuba. Hunt reported to my military aide. But I met with him several times as Vice President. That's what worries the shit out of me. I don't know how much Hunt knows. Or the Cubans. -And not just Hunt. Frank Sturgis, all those Cubans. All of them in the Watergate. They were involved in Track 2 in Cuba. Hunt reported to my military aide. But I met with him several times as Vice President. That's what worries the shit out of me. I don't know how much Hunt knows. Or the Cubans. So? You wanted Castro dead. Everybody wanted Castro dead. If Hunt and the others are CIA, why don't we just throw this back in the CIA's lap? Let Richard Helms take the fall? -So? You wanted Castro dead. Everybody wanted Castro dead. If Hunt and the others are CIA, why don't we just throw this back in the CIA's lap? Let Richard Helms take the fall? Because ... because Dick Helms knows too much ... If anyone in this country knows more than I do, it's Hoover and Helms! You don't fuck with Dick Helms! Period. -Alright. But why, if Kennedy is so clean in all this, didn't he cancel Track 2? "Because he didn't even know about it. The CIA never told him, they just kept it going. It was like ... it had a life of its own. Like ... a kind of ""beast"" that doesn't even know it exists. It just eats people when it doesn't need 'em anymore. Two days after the Bay of Pigs, Kennedy called me in. He reamed my ass ..." -... he'd just found out about Track 2. You never told him? -You never told him? I didn't want him to get the credit. He said I'd stabbed him in the back. Called me a two-bit grocery clerk from Whittier. -If they didn't tell Kennedy about Track 2, how did Hoover find out? They had us bugged. Christ, he had everybody bugged. Yeah, he was gonna support me in '68, but he was also threatening me. That was Hoover: he'd give you the carrot, but he'd make damn sure the stick went right up your ass. -Well, one way or the other, Kent State is not good. We have to get out in front of this thing. The PR is going to murder us. Money. Follow the money. -Money. Follow the money. Sir? -Sir? These kids are being manipulated by the Communists. Like Chambers and Hiss. -... never complain, never explain, John ... I tell you, the soldiers were provoked. Now stop this pussyfooting around. Dead kids! How the hell did we ever give the Democrats a weapon like this? I mean, if Cambodia doesn't work, we'll bomb Hanoi if we have to. -... and we've got the economic guys at five. The Dow lost another 16 points. They're going to want a decision on the budget. Sir? ... Are we holding the line on a balanced budget? No ... a little deficit won't hurt. Jesus, they're serious. Why're we stopping? -No ... a little deficit won't hurt. Jesus, they're serious. Why're we stopping? Run 'em over. -Get that little fucker! Great tackle! Reminds me of my days at Whittier. Most of these kids are useless. Probably flunking, nothing to do except come down here and meet girls. Henry's out there with them. -Probably flunking, nothing to do except come down here and meet girls. Henry's out there with them. There's a poison in the upper classes, Bob. They've had it too soft. Too many cars, too many color TVs ... -There's a poison in the upper classes, Bob. They've had it too soft. Too many cars, too many color TVs ... Don't forget the South, sir, the West. Filled with the good football colleges, straight kids. There's more of 'em with you than against you. Not like these mudmutts. -Don't forget the South, sir, the West. Filled with the good football colleges, straight kids. There's more of 'em with you than against you. Not like these mudmutts. It's the parents' fault really. -But, hell, this is nothing compared to Venezuela. When I was Vice President, Ike sent me down there like a blocking back. They threw rocks, broke out our windows, almost overturned the car. Read Six Crises, Bob. Boy, Pat was brave! Yeah, we've got to get our vice president off the golf course and back there on the college circuit. That's top priority. -Mr. President! It's okay, Bob, we're just rapping, my friends and I. We actually agree on a lot of things ... -We really must go, Mr. President. Don't forget, the most important thing in your life is your relationship with your Maker ... Don't forget to be on God's side. -She got it, Bob. A nineteen-year-old college kid ... What? -What? She understood something it's taken me twenty-five fucking years in politics to understand. The CIA, the Mafia, the Wall Street bastards ... -She understood something it's taken me twenty-five fucking years in politics to understand. The CIA, the Mafia, the Wall Street bastards ... Sir? -Sir? "... ""The Beast."" A nineteen-year-old kid. She understands the nature of ""the Beast."" She called it a wild animal." -And his staff. Come on, the copy they were filing from China was great. Wait till the Mai-tais wear off. -The Jews aren't the middle, Henry. They're the far left. You're talking too much about black Africa, Henry. It's killing us with the rednecks. -You're talking too much about black Africa, Henry. It's killing us with the rednecks. "The blacks are lost, the ""schwartzes"" are gone ..." -"The blacks are lost, the ""schwartzes"" are gone ..." Don't let it lose us the right-wing vote ... -Gentlemen, I think it's about time for us to be getting to the airport. Let him finish, Bob. -You know, they all miss the point. Probably our biggest achievement as an administration, when it's all said and done, isn't China or Russia. It's pulling out of Vietnam without a right wing revolt. I believe you're right, boss. -I believe you're right, boss. ... but even the presidency isn't enough anymore ... -... but even the presidency isn't enough anymore ... Sir? -Sir? The presidency won't protect us, Bob. We're beyond politics now ... -Congratulations, boss. A great victory! The madman theory wasn't so crazy after all. This could be it ... this could be it. Four long years ... -So that explains his press notices. Working both sides of the fence: Jewboy Henry, always trying to get his Nobel Prize, get laid ... My God, my God! He talked to the New York Times? -My God, my God! He talked to the New York Times? We ought to fire his whining ass. Right now when he's on top. You know what -- it'll set the right example for the rest of this administration. -Because they're not Americans. Right. They don't trust! They don't trust America! -Right. They don't trust! They don't trust America! Why would they?! Who the hell's Sulzberger anyway? Their parents are gold traders from Eastern Europe. They buy things. They come to Jew York City and they buy up things. One of the things they buy is the New York Times. And you know what? Be proud because they'll never trust you, sir, because we speak for the average American. -You know why they're turning on me? They're not serious about power, that's why. They're playing with power. They're forgetting the national interest. In the old days, people knew how to hold power, how to set limits. They wouldn't have torn this country apart over a third-rate burglary. All they care about now are their egos, looking good at cocktail parties ... ... beating out the other papers, chasing girls ... -... beating out the other papers, chasing girls ... "... worrying whether someone said something ""nice"" about them. All short-term, frivolous bullshit; Ben Bradlee worrying about Teddy Kennedy liking him ..." -You played it perfectly, sir -- cocksucker! He's going to think twice before he leaks again. He'll be looking in his toilet bowl every time he pulls the chain. -We've got to turn the faucet off on this thing. It's out of control ... You might burden just me with this in the future. It's Helms -- it's got to be. -It's Helms -- it's got to be. We could leverage Helms. -We could leverage Helms. How? -How? When I met with him, he said ... -... I was wondering what's such dynamite in this Bay of Pigs story? ... although it was clearly effective, because all of a sudden it was no problem for Helms to go to the FBI and try to put a lid on Watergate. What about the documents he promised? -What about the documents he promised? He'll give us the documents. But I think he should be offered the ambassadorship to Iran. Then he'll go without a whimper. -I promised Iran to Townsend. Put Townsend in Belgium; it's available. -Put Townsend in Belgium; it's available. Townsend gave us 300 grand. Belgium's not worth more than 100, 150 ... -Helms wants Iran or there might be problems. All of his old CIA buddies are over there making a fortune off the Shah. For God's sake, when does this end?! -More light, chief? No ... -... There can be no whitewash at the White House ... two wrongs do not make a right. I love America. God bless America and God bless each and every one of you. Sir ... six bodies. -Richard ... come with me, would you ... Why me? -Because Harold tests thy father's will is no reason to admire him. Let Harold's worldliness be a warning to thee, not an example. Yes, Mother ... -Yes, Mother ... Harold may have lost touch with his Bible, but thou must never lapse. -Do not tell a lie, Richard ... The cornsilk cigarette Harold gave thee behind the store this morning. I don't ... have them. Mother ... I swear, I ... didn't smoke. -I don't ... have them. Mother ... I swear, I ... didn't smoke. I see ... Well then, Richard, we have nothing more to talk about, do we? -I see ... Well then, Richard, we have nothing more to talk about, do we? Please, Mother, it ... it was just one time, Mother, I'm ... I'm sorry. -Please, Mother, it ... it was just one time, Mother, I'm ... I'm sorry. So am I. Thy father will have to know of thy lying. -So am I. Thy father will have to know of thy lying. No, no! Please, don't. Don't tell him. I'll never do it again. I promise. I promise ... Please, mama ... -No, no! Please, don't. Don't tell him. I'll never do it again. I promise. I promise ... Please, mama ... I expect more from thee, Richard. -Please! I'll never let you down again, Mother. Never. I promise. Then this shall be our little secret. Remember that I see into thy soul as God sees. Thou may fool the world. Even thy father. But not me, Richard. Never me. -Then this shall be our little secret. Remember that I see into thy soul as God sees. Thou may fool the world. Even thy father. But not me, Richard. Never me. Mother, think of me always as your faithful dog ... -We haven't said grace yet. Richard. Is it my turn? -I can't ... Thou must. -It's a gift, Richard. This law school is a gift from your brother. Did he have to die for me to get it?! -Did he have to die for me to get it?! It's meant to make us stronger. Thou art stronger than Harold ... stronger than Arthur. God has chosen thee to survive ... -It's meant to make us stronger. Thou art stronger than Harold ... stronger than Arthur. God has chosen thee to survive ... What about happiness, Mother? -What about happiness, Mother? Thou must find thy peace at the center, Richard. Strength in this life. Happiness in the next. -What'd he say? What do you think? He said in life there's no free ride. -What do you think? He said in life there's no free ride. What'd you say? -What'd you say? I said I didn't need a free ride. I need a suit. -Oh, no, Harold. He doesn't respond well to humor. Maybe if you talk to Mother she can ... I'd rather get a whipping than have another talk with her. Anything but a talk with her. -Hey ... you'll be able to do it now. What ... ? -What ... ? Go to law school. Mom and Dad'll be able to afford it now ... -Mom expects great things from you ... Harold ... can I get you anything? -Relax, Dick, it's just me ... The desert's so beautiful, isn't it? I want to go home, Dick. Time to go home. You're not gonna quit on me, are you, Harold? -I'm honored, Dick, that you've come all this way out here to Virginia to visit us at last. "My friends call me ""Mister President.""" -"My friends call me ""Mister President.""" And so shall I. Arrange some coffee, would you General Cushman? -Robert Cushman is a lieutenant general in the Marine Corps, the Deputy Director of the CIA ... and this is what you use him for? I didn't choose him as my deputy, Mr. President. You did. -"I suppose, ""Mister President,"" you're unhappy that we have not implemented your Domestic Intelligence plan, but ..." You're correct. I'm concerned these students are being funded by foreign interests, whether they know it or not. The FBI is worthless in this area. I want your full concentration on this matter ... -You're correct. I'm concerned these students are being funded by foreign interests, whether they know it or not. The FBI is worthless in this area. I want your full concentration on this matter ... Of course we've tried, but so far we've come up with nothing that ... -Of course we've tried, but so far we've come up with nothing that ... Then find something. And I want these leaks stopped. Jack fucking Anderson, the New York Times, the State Department -- I want to know who's talking to them. -Then find something. And I want these leaks stopped. Jack fucking Anderson, the New York Times, the State Department -- I want to know who's talking to them. I'm sure you realize this is a very tricky area, Mr. President, given our charter and the congressional oversight committees ... -I'm sure you realize this is a very tricky area, Mr. President, given our charter and the congressional oversight committees ... Screw congressional oversight. I know damn well, going back to the '50's, this agency reports what it wants, and buries what it doesn't want Congress to know. Pay close attention to this. -Is there something else that's bothering you, Mr. President? Yes ... It involves some old and forgotten papers. Things I signed as Vice President. I want the originals in my office and I don't want copies anywhere else. -You're referring, of course, to chairing the Special Operations Group as Vice President. Yes ... -Diem? Trujillo? Lumumba? Guatemala? Cuba? ... It's a shame you didn't take similar precautions, Dick. I'm interested in the documents that put your people together with ... the others. All of them ... -President Kennedy threatened to smash the CIA into a thousand pieces. You could do the same ... I'm not Jack Kennedy. Your agency is secure. -I'm not Jack Kennedy. Your agency is secure. Not if I give you all the cards ... -Not if I give you all the cards ... I promised the American people peace with honor in Southeast Asia. That could take time -- two, maybe three years ... In the meantime, your agency will continue at current levels of funding. -I promised the American people peace with honor in Southeast Asia. That could take time -- two, maybe three years ... In the meantime, your agency will continue at current levels of funding. Current levels may not be sufficient. -Current levels may not be sufficient. The President would support a reasonable request for an increase. -And me? ... Firing you, Mr. Helms, wouldn't do any good. Of course you'll continue as DCI. You're doing a magnificent job. -Firing you, Mr. Helms, wouldn't do any good. Of course you'll continue as DCI. You're doing a magnificent job. And of course I accept. I'm flattered. And I want you to know, I work for only one president at a time. -And of course I accept. I'm flattered. And I want you to know, I work for only one president at a time. Yes. And you will give General Cushman full access. -Yes. And you will give General Cushman full access. It will take a little time, but I'll order a search for your papers. Though it does raise a disturbing issue. -It will take a little time, but I'll order a search for your papers. Though it does raise a disturbing issue. What? -What? Mr. Castro. -Mr. Castro. Yes. -Yes. We have recent intelligence that a Soviet nuclear submarine has docked at Cienfuegos. -We have recent intelligence that a Soviet nuclear submarine has docked at Cienfuegos. Well, we'll lodge a formal protest. -Well, we'll lodge a formal protest. I don't think we can treat this as a formality. Mr. Kennedy made a verbal promise to the Russians not to invade Cuba. But you authorized Dr. Kissinger to put this in writing. -Are you tapping Kissinger? My job, unpleasant sometimes, is to know what others don't want me to know. -My job, unpleasant sometimes, is to know what others don't want me to know. Not if you have spies in the White House, it isn't your job. -Not if you have spies in the White House, it isn't your job. It is not my practice to spy on the president. Doctor Kissinger manages to convey his innermost secrets to the world at large on his own. -It is not my practice to spy on the president. Doctor Kissinger manages to convey his innermost secrets to the world at large on his own. Mr. Helms, we've lived with Communism in Cuba for ten years ... -Mr. Helms, we've lived with Communism in Cuba for ten years ... ... But it has never been the policy of this government to accept that. And it is certainly not CIA policy. -... But it has never been the policy of this government to accept that. And it is certainly not CIA policy. CIA policy? The CIA has no policy, Mr. Helms. Except what I dictate to you ... I try to adjust to the world as it is today, not as you or I wanted it to be ten years ago. -CIA policy? The CIA has no policy, Mr. Helms. Except what I dictate to you ... I try to adjust to the world as it is today, not as you or I wanted it to be ten years ago. Is that why you and Kissinger are negotiating with the Chinese? -This is an extremely dangerous direction, Mr. President. Terrible consequences can result from such enormous errors in judgement. But ... if we were able to separate China from Russia once and for all, we can -- we could create a balance of power that would secure the peace into the next century. -But ... if we were able to separate China from Russia once and for all, we can -- we could create a balance of power that would secure the peace into the next century. By offering Cuba to the Russians as a consolation prize? -By offering Cuba to the Russians as a consolation prize? Cuba would be a small price to pay. -Cuba would be a small price to pay. So President Kennedy thought. -I never thought Jack was ready for the presidency. But I would never, never consider ... His death was awful, an awful thing for this country. Do you ever think of death, Mr. Helms? Flowers are continual reminders of our mortality. Do you appreciate flowers? -Flowers are continual reminders of our mortality. Do you appreciate flowers? No. They make me sick. They smell like death ... I had two brothers die young. But let me tell you, there are worse things than death. There is such a thing as evil. -No. They make me sick. They smell like death ... I had two brothers die young. But let me tell you, there are worse things than death. There is such a thing as evil. "You must be familiar with my favorite poem by Yeats? ""The Second Coming""?" -"You must be familiar with my favorite poem by Yeats? ""The Second Coming""?" No. -No. "Black Irishman. Very moving. ""Turning and turning in the widening gyre / The falcon cannot hear the falconer / Things fall apart, the center cannot hold / Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world / And everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned / The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity"" ... But it ends so beautifully ominous -- ""What rough beast, its hours come round at last / Slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?"" ... Yes, this country stands at such a juncture." -What do you think this plan is, Edgar? A nuclear attack? He's lying, Clyde. Always has. That's why Nixon's always been useful. Hold still. And take your hand off your hip. -I want to see him tomorrow, Clyde. Edgar, think twice. He works in the kitchen. -Edgar, think twice. He works in the kitchen. Not Joaquin, you idiot. Nixon. Did you hear what he said in Oregon? About me having too much power. -Not Joaquin, you idiot. Nixon. Did you hear what he said in Oregon? About me having too much power. It's between Nixon and a Kennedy again, Edgar ... Who do you want? -It's between Nixon and a Kennedy again, Edgar ... Who do you want? Kennedy -- never. He'll fry in hell for what he did to me. But Nixon doesn't know that, which is why I'm gonna have to remind him he needs us a helluva lot more'n we need him. -... little Bobby. Would you walk with me down to the paddock? I'd like to look at the horses for the eighth. -Ummm... If things remain as they are ... He's got the anti-war vote. -It was the poorest lemon ranch in California, I can tell you that. My father sold it before they found oil on it. It was the poorest lemon ranch in California, I can assure you. My father sold it before they found oil on it. -My father built the house where I was born with his own hands. Oh, it wasn't a big house ... Turn this crap off, Clyde. It's giving me a headache ... You may go, Joaquin. -Thank you for coming, Dick. Winning? -Winning? Actually, I've just had a bit of luck. -Oh, my goodness ... How about you? Are you going to win? -How about you? Are you going to win? You should ask Bobby. -Can't we just talk here? I've got the police chiefs in San Diego. I'm trying to spare you an embarrassment. Johnny Roselli is on his way back here. -Roselli? Johnny Roselli? Yes. Your old friend from Cuba. -Yes. Your old friend from Cuba. I never met the man. -I never met the man. I know you've been very careful not to. That's why I'm concerned. -You'll win the nomination. It could be '60 all over again, Edgar. Bobby's got the magic, like a goddamn rock star. They climb all over each other just to touch his clothes! He'll ride his brother's corpse right into the White House. -Or he'll steal it like his brother. He's a mean little sonofabitch, Edgar ... He had the IRS audit my mother when she was dying in a nursing home. I know ... -Yeah, well, as I said, Edgar ... You asked if you could count on my support ... As long as I can count on yours. -You asked if you could count on my support ... As long as I can count on yours. The old queen did it on purpose. -There must be a quarter-million out there, Edgar. They've been at it now for a year. Young kids just like Tricia. I don't know. Do you think they have a point, Edgar? Maybe this whole damned system of government is ... "Remember what Lenin said in 1917, Mr. President: ""The power was lying in the streets just waiting for someone to pick it up."" The Communists have never been closer. Now is the time to go back to the old themes, the ones that made you president. Let the Communists know you're onto them." -"Remember what Lenin said in 1917, Mr. President: ""The power was lying in the streets just waiting for someone to pick it up."" The Communists have never been closer. Now is the time to go back to the old themes, the ones that made you president. Let the Communists know you're onto them." The little bastards think they can ruin Tricia's wedding day by dancing naked in the Reflecting Pond. -The little bastards think they can ruin Tricia's wedding day by dancing naked in the Reflecting Pond. Don't listen to 'em, don't quit. Remember - Kennedy, Bobby, and King were against the war. Where are they now? Don't give 'em a goddamn inch on the war. President Johnson bombed Laos for years and nobody knew or said a thing. How the hell the Times ever got ahold of this Ellsberg stuff is a disgrace! -Don't listen to 'em, don't quit. Remember - Kennedy, Bobby, and King were against the war. Where are they now? Don't give 'em a goddamn inch on the war. President Johnson bombed Laos for years and nobody knew or said a thing. How the hell the Times ever got ahold of this Ellsberg stuff is a disgrace! We can't keep a goddamn secret in this government, Edgar. They're stealing papers right out of his office. -We can't keep a goddamn secret in this government, Edgar. They're stealing papers right out of his office. Johnson had the same damned problem till he bugged his own office. -Johnson had the same damned problem till he bugged his own office. We took his system out. -We took his system out. That was a mistake. The White House was full of Kennedy people then. It still is. -That was a mistake. The White House was full of Kennedy people then. It still is. Who do you think is behind it? -Who do you think is behind it? Well, you have CIA people all over the place. Helms has seen to that. Then there's Kissinger's staff. Kissinger himself, I believe, maybe the leaker. -Well, you have CIA people all over the place. Helms has seen to that. Then there's Kissinger's staff. Kissinger himself, I believe, maybe the leaker. Kissinger? -Kissinger? "He's obsessed with his own image. He wants his Nobel Peace Prize a little too much. As the late ""Doctor"" King proved -- even an ape can win a prize with good press." -"He's obsessed with his own image. He wants his Nobel Peace Prize a little too much. As the late ""Doctor"" King proved -- even an ape can win a prize with good press." Jesus, I'd like to book him into a psychiatrist's office. He comes in here ranting and raving, dumping his crap all over the place ... Could you prove it, Edgar? -Jesus, I'd like to book him into a psychiatrist's office. He comes in here ranting and raving, dumping his crap all over the place ... Could you prove it, Edgar? I always get my man. -I always get my man. Yeah, you do. I'd be bugging myself, Edgar ... Who'd get the tapes? -Yeah, you do. I'd be bugging myself, Edgar ... Who'd get the tapes? No one. Your property. It would prove your case. Why do you think Kissinger's taping your calls? For history. His word against yours -- and right now he's got the records. -"This damned tie ... Will you help me, Edgar? Churchill used to say to me, ""If you want your own history written properly, you must write it yourself."" All right, Edgar, but just don't let it come back to haunt me." It won't. As long as I'm here. -How the fuck did you know? Injections. Even this noble sport's been fixed. Seen the guys? -Injections. Even this noble sport's been fixed. Seen the guys? They're around. -Why, you got a customer? The White House. -The White House. You're fucking me. -You're fucking me. We're gonna be plumbers, Frank. We're gonna plug a leak. -We're gonna be plumbers, Frank. We're gonna plug a leak. Who we working for? -Who we working for? A guy named Gordon Liddy. Thinks he's Martin Borman. You wanna meet him? -Where'd you find him? Just don't tell him to do anything you don't really want him to do. -Just don't tell him to do anything you don't really want him to do. So, does Tricky Dick know about this? -So, does Tricky Dick know about this? I won't tell him if you won't. -Howard ... What the hell? What're you doing? Dogs ... Season starts tomorrow. It keeps me calm. I don't like going back into the same building four times. -Mein Kampf? """A warrior with nerves of steel is yet broken by a thread of silk."" Nietzsche." -"""A warrior with nerves of steel is yet broken by a thread of silk."" Nietzsche." Personally I'd prefer a greyhound with a shot of speed. -Personally I'd prefer a greyhound with a shot of speed. Remember -- listen up! Fire team discipline is there at all times. Keep your radios on at all times during the entire penetration. Check yourselves. Phony ID's, no wallets, no keys. We rendezvous where? The Watergate, Room 214. When? At zero three-hundred. -Let's get the fuck out of here, shall we, ladies? Anything goes wrong, head for your homes, just sit tight -- you'll hear from me or Howard. -Anything goes wrong, head for your homes, just sit tight -- you'll hear from me or Howard. Personally, I'll be calling the President of the United States. -Thanks, Jack. You sure throw a helluva party. "Party ain't started yet, Dick. Got these gals coming over to the ranch later for a little private ""thing,"" y'know ... There's some fellows I want you to meet." -"Party ain't started yet, Dick. Got these gals coming over to the ranch later for a little private ""thing,"" y'know ... There's some fellows I want you to meet." Well, uh, Trini and I have an early plane. We were hoping to get back to New York in time for ... -Like you said Jack, I'm just a New York lawyer now. We'll see about that. -I know for a fact that the one with the big tits is a Republican, and she'd do anything for the Party. She's quite pretty. -She's quite pretty. Her name's Sandy ... -By the way, Jack, this looks like a pretty straight-forward transaction to me, but we should get into it soon -- just take a few minutes, maybe up at the house ... He's all business, ain't he, Trini? Dick, we could've had our own goddamn lawyers handle this deal. We brought you down here 'cause we wanted to talk to you ... -Hell, Kennedy's pissed Cuba away to the Russians. And he don't know what the hell he's doing in Vietnam. These are dangerous times, Dick, especially for business ... Agreed. -Gentlemen, I tried. I told Kennedy to go into Cuba. He heard me and he made his decision. I appreciate your sentiments. I've heard them from many fine Cuban patriots, but it's nothing I can do anything about. Now, it's a long drive back to Dallas tonight, and Trini and I have got an early flight tomorrow to New York ... Dick, these boys want you to run. They're serious. They can deliver the South and they can put Texas in your column. That would've done it in '60. -Dick, these boys want you to run. They're serious. They can deliver the South and they can put Texas in your column. That would've done it in '60. Only if Kennedy dumps Johnson. -Only if Kennedy dumps Johnson. That sonofabitch Kennedy is coming back down here tomorrow. Dick, we're willing to put up a shitpot fulla money to get rid of him -- more money'n you ever dreamed of. -That sonofabitch Kennedy is coming back down here tomorrow. Dick, we're willing to put up a shitpot fulla money to get rid of him -- more money'n you ever dreamed of. Nobody's gonna beat Kennedy in '64 with all the money in the world. -So, what's this about, Dick? It's me or Wallace, Jack. Wallace's third party is only going to help McGovern. I need your support. -It's me or Wallace, Jack. Wallace's third party is only going to help McGovern. I need your support. "Well, you sure been chock full of surprises so far, ""Mister President.""" -"It looks like to me we're gonna lose the war for the first goddamned time and, Dick, goddamn it, you're going along with it, buying into this Kissinger bullshit -- ""detente"" with the Communists. ""Detente"" -- it sounds like two fags dancing." Jack, we're not living in the same country you and I knew in '46. Our people are just not gonna sacrifice in major numbers for war. We can't even get 'em to accept cuts in their gas tanks. Hell, the Arabs and the Japanese are bleeding the shit out of our gold .. -Jack, we're not living in the same country you and I knew in '46. Our people are just not gonna sacrifice in major numbers for war. We can't even get 'em to accept cuts in their gas tanks. Hell, the Arabs and the Japanese are bleeding the shit out of our gold .. And whose fault is that? If we'd won in Vietnam ... -And whose fault is that? If we'd won in Vietnam ... It's nobody's fault, Jack. It's change -- which is a fact of history. Even that old cocksucker Hoover's dead. Things change. -Desi's got a point. What the hell are we gonna do about the Communists right here in our backyard?! What do you mean, Jack? -What do you mean, Jack? I mean I got federal price controls on my oil. The ragheads are beating the shit out of me. And I got your EPA environment agency with its thumb so far up my ass it's scratching my ear. -... And now I have a federal judge ordering me to bus my kids halfway 'cross town to go to school with some nigger kids. I think, Mr. President, you're forgetting who put you where you are. The American people put me where I am. -Because if you're uncomfortable with the EPA up your ass, try the IRS ... Well, goddamn. Are you threatening me, Dick? -Well, goddamn. Are you threatening me, Dick? Presidents don't threaten. They don't have to. Good day, gentlemen. -Mr. President, we are in a revolutionary situation. We are under siege -- Black Panthers, Weathermen; The State Department under Rogers is leaking like a sieve. And now this insignificant little shit Ellsberg publishing all the diplomatic secrets of this country will destroy our ability to conduct foreign policy. Here, Tim ... Tim. I'm as frustrated as you, Henry, but don't you think this one's a Democrat problem. They started the war; it makes them look bad. -Fuck it! He doesn't like me, John! It's your fault, Henry. I beg your pardon -- -I beg your pardon -- It's your people who are leaking to the Times. Wasn't this Ellsberg a student of yours at Harvard? He was your idea; why are you suddenly running for cover? -It's your people who are leaking to the Times. Wasn't this Ellsberg a student of yours at Harvard? He was your idea; why are you suddenly running for cover? He was, he was. We taught a class together at Harvard. But you know these back-stabbing Ivy League intellectuals, they can't ... -He was, he was. We taught a class together at Harvard. But you know these back-stabbing Ivy League intellectuals, they can't ... No, Henry. I don't. -No, Henry. I don't. He's turned into a drug fiend, he shot people from helicopters in Vietnam, he has sexual relations with his wife in front of their children. He sees a shrink in L.A. He's all fucked up. Now he's trying to be a hero to the liberals ... If he gets away with it, everybody will follow his lead. He must be stopped at all costs. -Who are you talking to like this, you insignificant shit ... ... and what do we get for it? Gobs and gobs of bullshit, gossip, nothing! Someone is leaking. We've got to stop the leaks, Henry, at any cost, do you hear me? Then we can go for the big play -- China, Russia. -Alright, Henry -- we're gonna go your way. Crush this Ellsberg character the same way we did Hiss! There's no other choice. -There's no other choice. "We're gonna hit him so hard he looks like everything that's sick and evil about the Eastern Establishment. You and your ""plumbers"" are gonna find dirt on this guy -- let's see him going to the bathroom in front of the American public! And when we finish with him, they'll crucify him!" -... as the old alliances crumble. "Finally someone who's noticed! I'm a great admirer of yours, too, Mr. Nixon. You are an unusual politician. We share a mutual idol -- ""Six Crises"" sounds like a page from Churchill." -"Finally someone who's noticed! I'm a great admirer of yours, too, Mr. Nixon. You are an unusual politician. We share a mutual idol -- ""Six Crises"" sounds like a page from Churchill." Churchill, DeGaulle, Disraeli. They all went through the pain of losing power. -Churchill, DeGaulle, Disraeli. They all went through the pain of losing power. But they all got it back again, didn't they? We should have lunch sometime. -"Well, as you know, most of my staff have weighed in against this ""incursion."" They believe it will fail to achieve anything fundamental militarily, and will result in crushing criticism domestically ..." I didn't ask what your staff thinks, Henry. What do you think? -I didn't ask what your staff thinks, Henry. What do you think? "What I think is ... they're cowards. Their opposition represents the cowardice of the Eastern Establishment. They don't realize as you do, Mr. President, that the Communists only respect strength, and they will only negotiate in good faith if they fear the ""madman,"" Richard Nixon." -Exactly, sir. That is your historical contribution: to lead boldly in an era of limits. "No one understands! -- even my own men. What do you think the Communists respond to? Honesty, liberal guilt, soul-wringing crap, fathers on TV crying? Hell no! I understand the Communist mind, I've studied it for thirty years. They grasp ""realpolitik"" better than any of us, right, Henry?" -That's triangular diplomacy, gentlemen. Exactly, yes, Mr. President. That is my contention. -Exactly, yes, Mr. President. That is my contention. That's what geopolitics is about -- the whole world linked by self interest ... You tell me, Ron, how the hell I can explain that on television to a bunch of simple-minded reporters and weeping fucking mothers! -This will get me a second term. Damn it, without risk, there's no heroism. There's no history. I, Nixon, was born to do this. Mr. President, this cannot be breathed! Especially to our secretary of state -- that cretin Rogers ... The Chinese would never trust us again. The only way, I emphasize only way, to pull this off is in secret. -Mr. President, this cannot be breathed! Especially to our secretary of state -- that cretin Rogers ... The Chinese would never trust us again. The only way, I emphasize only way, to pull this off is in secret. This is a major coup, gentlemen -- our own State Department doesn't even know. And if it leaks out of here tonight ... -That's right! And if necessary, I'll drop the big one. We have to entertain the possibility ... -You'll pick up the middle on this one - the Jews and Negros. Jews and Negros don't win elections, Henry. Better to hang them around the Democrats' necks. -Housecleaning? It would be ugly, Henry, really ugly ... But it must be done; your government is paralyzed. -But it must be done; your government is paralyzed. All kinds of shit would come out. Like the Ellsberg thing. You knew about that, Henry, didn't you? -All kinds of shit would come out. Like the Ellsberg thing. You knew about that, Henry, didn't you? I ... I heard something ... It sounded idiotic. -I ... I heard something ... It sounded idiotic. Idiotic? Yes, I suppose it was. -That doesn't matter now, Henry. The point is, you might lose some of your media-darling halo if the press starts sniffing around our dirty laundry. I had nothing to do with that, sir, and I resent any implication ... -I had nothing to do with that, sir, and I resent any implication ... Resent it all you want, Henry, but you're in it with the rest of us. Cambodia, Ellsberg, the wiretaps you put in. The President wants you to know you can't just click your heels and head back to Harvard Yard. It's your ass too, Henry, and it's in the wind twisting with everyone else's. -Mr. Nixon, it is possible for even a president to go too far. Yeah ... -Can you imagine what this man would have been had he ever been loved? ... because people have got to know whether or not their President is a crook. Well, I am not a crook. I have never made a dime from public service ... -... because people have got to know whether or not their President is a crook. Well, I am not a crook. I have never made a dime from public service ... Oh God, I'm going to throw up. -Yes, you always had a good sense of timing, Henry. When to give and when to take. How do you think Mao, Brezhnev will react? Do you think this is how they'll remember me, Henry, after all the great things you and I did together? As some kind of ... of ... crooks? They will understand, sir. To be undone by a third-rate burglary is a fate of biblical proportions. History will treat you far more kindly than your contemporaries. -They will understand, sir. To be undone by a third-rate burglary is a fate of biblical proportions. History will treat you far more kindly than your contemporaries. That depends who writes the history books. I'm not a quitter ... but I'm not stupid either ... A trial would kill me -- that's what they want. But they won't get it. -If they harass you, I, too, will resign. And I will tell the world why. Don't be stupid. The world needs you, Henry; you always saw the big picture. You were my equal in many ways. You're the only friend I've got, Henry. -Don't be stupid. The world needs you, Henry; you always saw the big picture. You were my equal in many ways. You're the only friend I've got, Henry. You have many friends ... and admirers ... -You have many friends ... and admirers ... Do you ever pray? You know ... believe in a Supreme Being? -Do you ever pray? You know ... believe in a Supreme Being? Uh ... not really. You mean on my knees? -Uh ... not really. You mean on my knees? Yes. My mother used to pray ... a lot. It's been a long time since I really prayed. Let's pray, Henry; let's pray a little. -... Uh, I hope this doesn't embarrass you. Not at all. This is not going to leak, is it? -Not at all. This is not going to leak, is it? Don't be too proud; never be too proud to go on your knees before God. -You know, Mr. Chairman, at Harvard I used your writings in my class. What a waste of time. My writings mean absolutely nothing. -What a waste of time. My writings mean absolutely nothing. But your writings have changed the world, Mr. Chairman. -But your writings have changed the world, Mr. Chairman. Fung pi! I've only managed to change a few things around the city of Beijing. I want to know your secret. -Fung pi! I've only managed to change a few things around the city of Beijing. I want to know your secret. Secret, Mr. Chairman? -Secret, Mr. Chairman? How a fat man gets so many girls. -I was asleep, Mr. President. What can I get you? Just ... uh ... you know. -Just ... uh ... you know. Of course. -Do you miss Cuba, Manolo? Yes, Mr. President. -Yes, Mr. President. We let you down, didn't we. Your people. -We let you down, didn't we. Your people. That was Mr. Kennedy. -That was Mr. Kennedy. You don't think he was a hero? -He was a politician. Did you cry when he died? -Did you cry when he died? Yes. -Yes. Why? -Why? I don't know. He made me see the stars ... -I don't know. He made me see the stars ... How did he do that? All those kids ... Why do they hate me so much? -I must say you look very good, Mr. Chairman. Looks can be deceiving ... -Looks can be deceiving ... We know you've taken a great risk in inviting us here. -Don't ever trust them. They never tell the truth or honor their commitments. Vietnamese are like Russians. Both are dogs. Mr. Chairman, there is an old saying: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. -Mr. Chairman, there is an old saying: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. That has the added virtue of being true. -You know, I voted for you in your last election. I was the lesser of two evils. -You're too modest, Nixon. You're as evil as I am. We're both from poor families. But others pay to feed the hunger in us. In my case, millions of reactionaries. In your case, millions of Vietnamese. Civil war is always the cruelest kind of war. -Civil war is always the cruelest kind of war. The real war is in us. History is a symptom of our disease. -Yes, well ... Gentlemen, I promised my wife. I'm out of politics. You just came down here for the weather, right, Mr. Nixon? -You just came down here for the weather, right, Mr. Nixon? I came down here to close a deal for Studebaker. -So ... how's the food over there in China, Mr. Nixon? Free, if you're the president. -What are you going to do about this Allende fellow nationalizing our businesses in Chile? You gonna send Kissinger down there? We're gonna get rid of him -- Allende, I mean -- just as fast as we can. He's on the top of the list. -We're gonna get rid of him -- Allende, I mean -- just as fast as we can. He's on the top of the list. How about Kissinger along with him? -How about Kissinger along with him? Kissinger's misunderstood. He pretends to be a liberal for his Establishment friends, but he's even tougher than I am ... -We can prosecute the New York Times, go for an injunction ... ... but it's not, bottom-line, gonna change a goddamn thing, John. The question is: How do we screw Ellsberg so bad it puts the fear of God into all leakers? -It was illegal, what he did. "You know, this kinda thing, you gotta be brutal. A leak happens, the whole damn place should be fired. Really. You do it like the Germans in World War II. If they went through these towns and a sniper hit one of them, they'd line the whole goddamned town up and say: ""Until you talk you're all getting shot."" I really think that's what has to be done. I don't think you can be Mr. Nice-guy anymore ..." -The lie? You remember, John, in '48 -- no one believed Alger Hiss was a communist. Except me. They loved Hiss just like they loved this Ellsberg character. East Coast, Ivy League. He was their kind. I was dirt to them. Nothing. -And Dick beat the shit out of them. But I wouldn't have if Hiss hadn't lied about knowing Chambers. The documents were old and out of date, like these Pentagon Papers. The key thing we proved was that Hiss was a liar. Then people bought it that he was a spy. It's the lie that gets you. -But I wouldn't have if Hiss hadn't lied about knowing Chambers. The documents were old and out of date, like these Pentagon Papers. The key thing we proved was that Hiss was a liar. Then people bought it that he was a spy. It's the lie that gets you. Hiss was protecting his wife. I've always believed that. -Hiss was protecting his wife. I've always believed that. When they know you've got something to protect, that's when they fuck you! -Sorry, Dick. She's a little tipsy. You mean smashed! She called up at midnight last week. Talking a bunch of crap. Pat can't stand her. -You mean smashed! She called up at midnight last week. Talking a bunch of crap. Pat can't stand her. It's a thing she does. She talks at night. -It's a thing she does. She talks at night. Talks all day, too! How the hell can you put up with her, John? -Talks all day, too! How the hell can you put up with her, John? What the hell -- I love her. And she's great in bed. -Rocky's full of shit! No way he's going to get nominated west of the Hudson with a new wife. He's gonna be drinking Scotches in retirement at some goddamn country club with the rest of the Republicans. Goes to show you all the moolah in the world can't buy you a brain. -Goes to show you all the moolah in the world can't buy you a brain. Well, he seems to have bought Kissinger. -Well, he seems to have bought Kissinger. The Jewboy's a Harvard whore with the morals of an eel -- sells himself to the highest bidder. -The Jewboy's a Harvard whore with the morals of an eel -- sells himself to the highest bidder. You're the one who should be in politics, John. You're tougher than I am. You never crack. -You're the one who should be in politics, John. You're tougher than I am. You never crack. That'll be the day. -That'll be the day. Let's get out of here; it's too painful. I hate it. We went bowling last weekend. Next weekend we're going to the zoo. Whoever said there was life after politics was full of shit. -Let's get out of here; it's too painful. I hate it. We went bowling last weekend. Next weekend we're going to the zoo. Whoever said there was life after politics was full of shit. Make some money, Dick, prove yourself to the Wall Street crowd and let Goldwater and Rockefeller take the fall against Kennedy. -Uh, wait ... You need her, Dick -- in '60 she was worth five, six million votes. -You need her, Dick -- in '60 she was worth five, six million votes. Don't worry -- I'll use the old Nixon charm on her. -How many? Four. Two boys. Two girls. And eight wounded. -Four. Two boys. Two girls. And eight wounded. Jesus Christ! -Jesus Christ! "One of the fathers was on the TV saying, ""My child was not a bum."" And it's playing like gangbusters. Hell, Hoover told me one of the girls was a nymph." -"One of the fathers was on the TV saying, ""My child was not a bum."" And it's playing like gangbusters. Hell, Hoover told me one of the girls was a nymph." Shit, the press doesn't care about the facts. Cronkite's sticking it to me. It's their first big hit on Richard Nixon. -This isn't '48, Dick. They'll never buy it. How do you know that, John? Did we try? Are we just giving up like the rest of 'em? What's Hoover found, for God's sake? -You all right? My brother Harold was about the same age as those kids, John. Tuberculosis got him. -My brother Harold was about the same age as those kids, John. Tuberculosis got him. It wasn't your fault. The soldiers were just kids, too. They panicked. -It wasn't your fault. The soldiers were just kids, too. They panicked. They were throwing rocks, John, just rocks. They don't think I feel ... but I feel too much sometimes. I just can't let a whole policy get dominated by our sentimentality. -They were throwing rocks, John, just rocks. They don't think I feel ... but I feel too much sometimes. I just can't let a whole policy get dominated by our sentimentality. You're doing the right thing, Dick ... don't let 'em shake you. -You're doing the right thing, Dick ... don't let 'em shake you. It broke my heart when Harold died. -It broke my heart when Harold died. That was a long time ago. -Get off that. That leads nowhere. You should offer condolences to the families of those kids. Sure, I'd like to offer condolences. -... give me a break, Mary. You all know me. I'm one of you, I grew up a stone's throw from here on a little lemon ranch in Yorba Linda ... -But it was all we had. ... but it was all we had. -Edgar, wonderful to see you. Clyde ... hi. Mr. Nixon. -... Somebody should shoot the little bastard. I wanna fight just as dirty as he does. -I wanna fight just as dirty as he does. ... Use his women. -... Use his women. ... Any information you have, Edgar. The sonofabitch is not gonna steal from me again! Can you back me up on this? Can I count on your support? -Hi, I'm Dick Nixon. You're shittin' me. -You're shittin' me. Where you from? -Where you from? Syracuse. -Syracuse. The Orangemen! Now there's a football program. Jim Brown. And that other tailback ... The one with the blood disease ... -The Orangemen! Now there's a football program. Jim Brown. And that other tailback ... The one with the blood disease ... Ernie Davis. -Ernie Davis. Right, right. I used to play a little ball myself at Whittier. Of course, they used me as a tackling dummy. -What you have to understand, Mr. Nixon, is that we are willing to die for what we believe in. That man up there lived in similar times. He had chaos and civil war and hatred between the races ... Sometimes I go to the Lincoln Room at the White House and just pray. You know, the liberals act like idealism belongs to them, but it's not true. My family went Republican because Lincoln freed the slaves. My grandmother was an abolitionist. It was Quakers who founded Whittier, my hometown, to abolish slavery. They were conservative Bible folk, but they had a powerful sense of right and wrong ... Forty years ago I was looking, as you are now, for answers. But you know, ending the war and cleaning up the air and the cities, feeding the poor -- my mother used to feed hobos stopping over at our house - none of it is going to satisfy the spiritual hunger we all have, finding a meaning to this life ... -Come on, man -- Vietnam ain't Germany. It doesn't threaten us. It's a civil war between the Vietnamese. But change always comes slowly. I've withdrawn more than half the troops. I'm trying to cut the military budget for the first time in thirty years. I want an all-volunteer army. But it's also a question of American credibility, our position in the world ... -Hi. Hello ... -That's Julie ... and that's Tricia. She, uh, reminds me a little bit of you ... Oh yeah ... she really is ... wholesome. -... I don't really know you yet, Sandy ... What do you like? I mean, what kind of clothes do you like? Do you like blue ... red? Oh, I like satin, I like pink ... -Oh, I like satin, I like pink ... What kind of, uh ... music do you like? -What kind of, uh ... music do you like? I like jazz ... -I like jazz ... Yeah ... Guy Lombardo ... -Yeah ... Guy Lombardo ... Elvis I like, too. -Elvis I like, too. Oh yeah, he's good. -... but it depends on what I'm doing to the music, Dick ... Uh, is your mother ... still alive? -Uh, is your mother ... still alive? Yeah, she lives in Dallas ... -Yeah, she lives in Dallas ... She must be very attractive. Would she like an autograph? She might remember me ... Where's Trini? -We didn't come here to talk about football. We came here to end the war. Yes, I understand that. -No, we don't! You're full of shit! You say you want to end the war, so why don't you? My brother died over there last November. Why? What good was his death? I know. I know. I've seen a lot of kids die, too, in World War II. -Someone wants it ... You can't stop it, can you? Even if you wanted to. Because it's not you. It's the system. And the system won't let you stop it ... There's a lot more at stake here than what you want. Or even what I want ... -There's a lot more at stake here than what you want. Or even what I want ... Then what's the point? What's the point of being president? You're powerless. -No, no. I'm not powerless. Because ... because I understand the system. I believe I can control it. Maybe not control it totally. But ... tame it enough to make it do some good. It sounds like you're talking about a wild animal. -It sounds like you're talking about a wild animal. Maybe I am. -We got the press this time! "And we got the ""big mo""! We're back!" -We gotta make 'em think we're just as tough as they are -- that Nixon's a mad bomber, he might do anything! I played a lot of poker in World War II , and I won big, and let me tell you this -- unpredictability is our best asset. That redneck Johnson left me with a shitty hand and I'm bluffing. I've got to play the hawk in Vietnam and the dove in China. And if we keep our heads, we can win this thing. What? Win Vietnam, sir? -But what am I telling the press about Kent State? Tell 'em what you like; they'll never understand it anyway. -Mr. President, the press guys asked if you could come back for a minute. The hell with 'em. -No, they want you, Mr. President. I really think it would be a good move. Gentlemen, I go now to discover the exact length, width and depth of the shaft. -Bernstein. Who the fuck are they? Bob, are you working on revoking the Posts's television license? Good. -You know, Fred, they sell tickets. Sir? -Sir? They sell tickets to an impeachment. Like a fucking circus ... Okay, so they impeach me. Then it's a question of mathematics. How many votes do we have in the Senate? -Shit, plenty of people did their best writing in prison. Gandhi, Lenin ... That's right. -That's right. What I know about this country, I ... I could rip it apart. If they want a public humiliation, that's what they'll get. But I will never resign this office. Where the fuck am I? -What's in there? POWs. And their families. -POWs. And their families. So I'm supposed to be ... -So I'm supposed to be ... Compassionate. Grateful. -Compassionate. Grateful. Proud? -Proud? Sir? -Sir? Of them. -Of them. Yes, yes. -Yes, yes. Fire him. -There's more ... there's more than just me. You can't break, my boy, even when there's nothing left. You can't admit, even to yourself, that it's gone, Al. Do you think those POWs in there did? No, sir ... -No, sir ... "Now some people, we both know them, Al, think you can go stand in the middle of the bullring and cry, ""Mea culpa, mea culpa,"" while the crowd is hissing and booing and spitting on you. But a man doesn't cry. I don't cry. You don't cry ... You fight!" -"And this?! Good Lord, have you lost your mind? Nixon can't say this. ""Niggers""!" Well, we could delete it. -"Or we could write ""expletive deleted.""" "... and get rid of all these ""goddamns"" and ""Jesus Christs""!" -We lost ... I know ... -I know ... It's hard to lose ... -It makes us human ... It's not fair, Buddy. I can take the insults; I can take the name-calling. But I can't take the losing. I hate it. -It's not fair, Buddy. I can take the insults; I can take the name-calling. But I can't take the losing. I hate it. We don't have to put ourselves through this again, Dick. -We don't have to put ourselves through this again, Dick. What do you mean? We worked for it. We earned it. It's ours. -What do you mean? We worked for it. We earned it. It's ours. It is. We know that. And it's enough that we know. Just think of the girls. They're still young. We never see them. I lost my parents. I don't want them to lose theirs; I don't want them to grow up without a mother and father ... -It is. We know that. And it's enough that we know. Just think of the girls. They're still young. We never see them. I lost my parents. I don't want them to lose theirs; I don't want them to grow up without a mother and father ... Maybe I should get out of the game. What do you think, Buddy? Go back to being a lawyer and end up with something solid, some money at the end of the line ... You know, I keep thinking of my old man tonight. He was a failure, too. -Maybe I should get out of the game. What do you think, Buddy? Go back to being a lawyer and end up with something solid, some money at the end of the line ... You know, I keep thinking of my old man tonight. He was a failure, too. You're not a failure, Dick. -You're not a failure, Dick. You know how much money he had in the bank when he died? Nothing. He was so damned honest ... But I miss him. I miss him a hell of a lot. -Thank you, Fidel Castro. You're not going to blame this on Castro, are you? -You're not going to blame this on Castro, are you? I sure am. The goddamned missile crisis united the whole country behind Kennedy. And he was supporting Brown. People were scared, that's why. -I sure am. The goddamned missile crisis united the whole country behind Kennedy. And he was supporting Brown. People were scared, that's why. I suppose Castro staged the whole thing just to beat you. -I suppose Castro staged the whole thing just to beat you. Buddy, before you join the jubilation at my being beaten again, you should remember: People vote not out of love, but fear. They don't teach that at Sunday School or at the Whittier Community Playhouse! -Don't you want to listen to Brown's victory speech? No. I'm not going to listen to any more speeches ever again. -No. I'm not going to listen to any more speeches ever again. Amen to that. -Amen to that. It's over, Dick. -It's over, Dick. I'll concede in the morning. -I'll concede in the morning. Not that. Us. -What are you saying? What are you talking about? I want a divorce. -I want a divorce. My God -- divorce? What about the girls? -My God -- divorce? What about the girls? The girls will grow up. They only know you from television anyway. -The girls will grow up. They only know you from television anyway. It would ruin us, Buddy, our family. -It would ruin us, Buddy, our family. You're ruining us. If we stay with you, you'll take us down with you. This isn't political, Dick. This is our life. -You're ruining us. If we stay with you, you'll take us down with you. This isn't political, Dick. This is our life. Everything's political, for Christ's sake! I'm political. And you're political, too! -Everything's political, for Christ's sake! I'm political. And you're political, too! No, I'm not! I'm finished. -This is just what they want, Buddy. Don't you see it? They want to drive us apart. To beat us. We can't let them do it. We've been through too much together, Buddy ... We belong together. That's what you said the first time we met. You didn't even know me. -Dick, don't... Buddy, look at me ... just look at me. Do you really want me to quit? -We can be happy. We really can. We love you, Dick. The girls and I... If I stop ... there'll be no more talk of divorce? -I'll do it. No more. Are you serious? -Are you serious? Yeah ... I'm out. -Yeah ... I'm out. Is that the truth? -Is that the truth? I'll never run again. I promise. -Dick, you should call Bobby. He doesn't want me at the funeral. -He doesn't want me at the funeral. You don't have to go. -You don't have to go. De Gaulle's gonna be there. And Macmillan. And Adenauer. Nixon can't not be there. -De Gaulle's gonna be there. And Macmillan. And Adenauer. Nixon can't not be there. Then call him. I'm sure it was an oversight. -Then call him. I'm sure it was an oversight. No. It's his way. He hates me. Him and Teddy. They always hated me. -No. It's his way. He hates me. Him and Teddy. They always hated me. They've lost a brother. You know what that means, Dick. -Were you planning to tell me? We ... haven't announced anything ... uh ... -Buddy? ... You should be going ... the primaries are soon, aren't they? New Hampshire ... -You should be going ... the primaries are soon, aren't they? New Hampshire ... They love you, Buddy. They need you, too. -They love you, Buddy. They need you, too. I don't want them to love me. -I don't want them to love me. I need you out there. It won't be like last time. The war's crippled the Democrats. I can win ... We deserve it. Yeah, it's ours, Buddy -- at last. Nobody knows better than you. Frank Nixon's boy. -It was our dream, too, Buddy, together ... always. Do you really want this, Dick? -Do you really want this, Dick? This. Above all. -This. Above all. And then you'll be happy? -Yes ... you know it! Yes ... I will. Yeah! Then I'll be there for you. -Then I'll be there for you. You're the strongest woman I ever met. I love you, Buddy. -You're the strongest woman I ever met. I love you, Buddy. Can I just ask for one thing? -Can I just ask for one thing? Anything. -Anything. Will you ... would you kiss me? -He looked old, didn't he? "I asked him, ""Lyndon, what would you do, on a scale of one to ten?"" And he said, ""Bomb the shit out of Hanoi, boy! Bomb them where they live."" ... John, do you think I was too soft on TV?" -Hi, Buddy. What are you doing in here? I've missed you. -I've missed you. Are you okay? -Are you okay? Why don't we go down to Key Biscayne together? Just the two of us. -Why don't we go down to Key Biscayne together? Just the two of us. Because ... I have to relax. -Because ... I have to relax. I was thinking tonight -- do you remember, Dick? Do you remember when you used to drive me on dates with the other boys? You didn't want to let me out of your sight. -I was thinking tonight -- do you remember, Dick? Do you remember when you used to drive me on dates with the other boys? You didn't want to let me out of your sight. Yeah, sure, a long time ago. -Yeah, sure, a long time ago. Yes, it's been a long time ... -I don't need that, Buddy. I'm not Jack Kennedy. No, you're not. So stop comparing yourself to him. You have no reason to ... You have everything you ever wanted. You've earned it. Why can't you just enjoy it? -No, you're not. So stop comparing yourself to him. You have no reason to ... You have everything you ever wanted. You've earned it. Why can't you just enjoy it? I do. I do. In my own way. -I do. I do. In my own way. Then what are you scared of, honey? -Then what are you scared of, honey? I'm not scared, Buddy. You don't understand. They're playing for keeps, Buddy. The press, the kids, the liberals -- they're out there, trying to figure out how to tear me down. -I'm not scared, Buddy. You don't understand. They're playing for keeps, Buddy. The press, the kids, the liberals -- they're out there, trying to figure out how to tear me down. They're all your enemies? -They're all your enemies? Yes! -Yes! You personally? -You personally? Yes! This is about me. Why can't you understand that, you of all people? It's not the war -- it's Nixon! They want to destroy Nixon! And if I expose myself even the slightest bit they'll tear my insides out. Do you want that? Do you want to see that, Buddy? It's not pretty. -Yes! This is about me. Why can't you understand that, you of all people? It's not the war -- it's Nixon! They want to destroy Nixon! And if I expose myself even the slightest bit they'll tear my insides out. Do you want that? Do you want to see that, Buddy? It's not pretty. Sometimes I think that's what you want. -Sometimes I think that's what you want. You've been drinking. What the hell are you saying? Jesus, you sound like them now! ... I've gotta keep fighting, Buddy, for the country. These people running things, the elite ... they're soft, chickenshit faggots! They don't have the long-term vision anymore. They just want to cover their asses or meet girls or tear each other down. Oh, God, this country's in deep trouble, Buddy ... and I have to see this through. Mother would've wanted no less of me ... I'm sorry, Buddy. -No, I don't. I'm not Jack ... But they never will, Dick. No matter how many elections you win, they never will. -Penny for your thoughts. Is that adjusted for inflation? Think of the life Mao's led. In '52 I called him a monster. Now he could be our most important ally. Only Nixon could've done that. -Is that adjusted for inflation? Think of the life Mao's led. In '52 I called him a monster. Now he could be our most important ally. Only Nixon could've done that. You're a long way from Whittier. -Congratulations, Dick. How am I going to break this to Bob Hope? -Not for the Pentagon it isn't. I'm kissing Mao's ass. And the press is gonna find some way to shaft Nixon on this one. It's not the press that matters. Nixon's wife is proud of him. -Yes. When? -When? Tomorrow. -Tomorrow. Ron told me that Bob Haldeman's been calling. But you won't talk to him ... if he's convicted, will you pardon him? -Ron told me that Bob Haldeman's been calling. But you won't talk to him ... if he's convicted, will you pardon him? No. -What exactly did you want to discuss, Pat? You. What' you're doing -- -You. What' you're doing -- And what am I doing? -And what am I doing? I wish I knew. You're hiding. -I wish I knew. You're hiding. Hiding what? -Hiding what? Whatever it is you've always been hiding. You're letting it destroy you, Dick. You won't even ask for help. You're destroying yourself, Dick. -I'm the only left, Dick. If you don't talk to me, you ... Brezhnev's coming in three days. I don't want to deal with them. And him. And you. -No, it isn't. I won't interfere with you anymore. I'm finished trying. Thank you. -Thank you. Thank you? Dick, sometimes I understand why they hate you. -Why didn't you? You can't expect me to explain that to you. -You can't expect me to explain that to you. What matters to me is whether you understand it. -You don't expect me to believe that for one minute, do you? Does it matter what's on them? Really? ... Murder, Dick? Sex? Your secrets, your fantasies? Or just me and you and ... Don't be ridiculous! -Don't be ridiculous! I remember Alger Hiss. I know how ugly you can be -- you're capable of anything. But you see, it doesn't really matter, at the end of the day, what's on them. Because you have absolutely no remorse. No concept of remorse. You want the tapes to get out, you want them to see you at your worst ... -I remember Alger Hiss. I know how ugly you can be -- you're capable of anything. But you see, it doesn't really matter, at the end of the day, what's on them. Because you have absolutely no remorse. No concept of remorse. You want the tapes to get out, you want them to see you at your worst ... You're drunk! -And what would I find out that I haven't known for years. What makes it so damn sad is that you couldn't confide in any of us. You had to make a record ... for the whole world. They were for me. They're mine. -They were for me. They're mine. No. They're not yours. They are you. You should burn them. -It'll be over soon. No ... it's just going to start now ... If I could just ... If I could just ... sleep. -No ... it's just going to start now ... If I could just ... If I could just ... sleep. There'll be time for that. -Howya doin'! New York treating you okay? I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you at all-- "Well enough. You're looking ""happy,"" Nelson." -Oh, Happy! Dick Nixon ... You remember him. Hi, Happy. Well, you're obviously making him happy. -Hi, Happy. Well, you're obviously making him happy. Repartee, Dick -- very good. Hey, I feel ten years younger! It makes a helluva difference, let me tell ya! How's the lawyer life? -Repartee, Dick -- very good. Hey, I feel ten years younger! It makes a helluva difference, let me tell ya! How's the lawyer life? Never made so much money in my life. But my upbringing doesn't allow me to enjoy it. I did get to argue a case before the Supreme Court. -Never made so much money in my life. But my upbringing doesn't allow me to enjoy it. I did get to argue a case before the Supreme Court. Won or lost? -Won or lost? Lost. -Lost. Someday, Dick. -But being out of the game gives me time to write. To what? -To what? "Write. You know, a book. I'm calling it ""Six Crises."" It's a good thing, Rocky -- take some time off to write." -"Write. You know, a book. I'm calling it ""Six Crises."" It's a good thing, Rocky -- take some time off to write." Hiya, fellow ... What were they? -Hiya, fellow ... What were they? What? -What? "The ""crises""?" -"The ""crises""?" """Checkers"" of course, Hiss, Ike's heart attack, Venezuela, the Kitchen Debate, and Kennedy." -"""Checkers"" of course, Hiss, Ike's heart attack, Venezuela, the Kitchen Debate, and Kennedy." Sounds like you got a crisis syndrome. Aren't you exaggerating a bit, Dick? Call it three-and-a-half, maybe four ... -Sounds like you got a crisis syndrome. Aren't you exaggerating a bit, Dick? Call it three-and-a-half, maybe four ... Let's wait and see how you survive your first crisis, Rocky ... -Let's wait and see how you survive your first crisis, Rocky ... Whatcha mean by that? -Whatcha mean by that? You know: how the voters are gonna play your divorce. -"Well, in any case, Rocky, I'll send you my book. ""Six Crises.""" Whatcha predicting -- your boy Goldwater going to split the party? -Whatcha predicting -- your boy Goldwater going to split the party? Some say you are, Rocky. -Some say you are, Rocky. The Republican Party was never home to extremists. You should know better. This guy's as stupid as McCarthy, and McCarthy never did you any good in the long run, now did he? -Hey, you know Henry Kissinger -- he's down from Harvard. On my staff, foreign policy whiz ... No, but I liked your book on nuclear weapons. We have similar views on the balance of power ... -No, but I liked your book on nuclear weapons. We have similar views on the balance of power ... "Well, that's wonderful. So get me this ""crisis"" thing, Dick; I'll be glad to take a look at it." -How'd you know I was here. Who else'd be in your truck. -Who else'd be in your truck. You heard it? -You heard it? How's that? -How's that? You heard my -- you havin' fun with me? -You heard my -- you havin' fun with me? What give you that idea. I seen one of the cats heard it. -What give you that idea. I seen one of the cats heard it. But -- how'd you know it was mine? -But -- how'd you know it was mine? I deduced it. Once you walked in. -How many a those things you got now? Cats? Several. Wal. Depends what you mean by got. Some are half-wild, and some are just outlaws. -Cats? Several. Wal. Depends what you mean by got. Some are half-wild, and some are just outlaws. How you been, Ellis? -How you been, Ellis? You lookin' at it. I got to say you look older. -You lookin' at it. I got to say you look older. I am older. -I am older. Got a letter from your wife. She writes pretty regular, tells me the family news. -Got a letter from your wife. She writes pretty regular, tells me the family news. Didn't know there was any. -Didn't know there was any. She just told me you was quittin'. Sit down. -Want a cup? 'Predate it. -'Predate it. How fresh is this coffee? -How fresh is this coffee? I generally make a fresh pot ever week even if there's some left over. -That man that shot you died in prison. In Angola. Yeah. -In Angola. Yeah. What would you a done if he'd been released? -What would you a done if he'd been released? I don't know. Nothin'. Wouldn't be no point to it. -I don't know. Nothin'. Wouldn't be no point to it. I'm kindly surprised to hear you say that. -I'm kindly surprised to hear you say that. All the time you spend tryin' to get back what's been took from you there's more goin' out the door. After a while you just try and get a tourniquet on it. -...Your granddad never asked me to sign on as deputy. I done that my own self. Loretta says you're quittin'. Yes, you've circled round. -Yes, you've circled round. How come're you doin that? -How come're you doin that? I don't know. I feel overmatched. -...I always thought when I got older God would sort of come into my life in some way. He didn't. I don't blame him. If I was him I'd have the same opinion about me that he does. You don't know what he thinks. -You don't know what he thinks. Yes I do. -...Shot down on his own porch there in Hudspeth County. There was seven or eight of 'em come to the house. Wantin' this and wantin' that. Mac went back in and got his shotgun but they was way ahead of him. Shot him down in his own doorway. Aunt Ella run out and tried to stop the bleedin'. Him tryin to get hold of the shotgun again. They just set there on their horses watchin' him die. Finally one of 'em says somethin' in Injun and they all turned and left out. Well Mac knew the score even if Aunt Ella didn't. Shot through the left lung and that was that. As they say. When did he die? -When did he die? Nineteen zero and nine. -Nineteen zero and nine. No, I mean was it right away or in the night or when was it. -No, I mean was it right away or in the night or when was it. Believe it was that night. She buried him the next mornin'. Diggin' in that hard caliche. -...What you got ain't nothin' new. This country is hard on people. Hard and crazy. Got the devil in it yet folks never seem to hold it to account. Most don't. -Most don't. You're discouraged. -You're discouraged. I'm... discouraged. -I'm... discouraged. You can't stop what's comin. Ain't all waitin' on you. -I thought maybe she was with your boy there. No ID in her room? -No ID in her room? Not hardly nothin' in her room. And that establishment was no stickler on registration. Well... -No money in his room there? Couple hundred on his person. Those hombres would've taken the stash. -Couple hundred on his person. Those hombres would've taken the stash. I suppose. Though they was leavin' in a hurry. -I suppose. Though they was leavin' in a hurry. It's all the goddamned money, Ed Tom. The money and the drugs. It's just goddamned beyond everything. What is it mean? What is it leading to? -It's all the goddamned money, Ed Tom. The money and the drugs. It's just goddamned beyond everything. What is it mean? What is it leading to? Yes. -Yes. If you'd a told me twenty years ago I'd see children walkin' the streets of our Texas towns with green hair and bones in their noses I just flat out wouldn't of believed you. -If you'd a told me twenty years ago I'd see children walkin' the streets of our Texas towns with green hair and bones in their noses I just flat out wouldn't of believed you. Signs and wonders. But I think once you stop hearin' sir and madam the rest is soon to follow. -Signs and wonders. But I think once you stop hearin' sir and madam the rest is soon to follow. It's the tide. It's the dismal tide. It is not the one thing. -It's the tide. It's the dismal tide. It is not the one thing. Not the one thing. I used to think I could at least some way put things right. I don't feel that way no more. -...I don't know what I do feel like. "Try ""old"" on for size." -"Try ""old"" on for size." Yessir. It may be that. In a nutshell. -None of that explains your man though. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. He is just a goddamn homicidal lunatic, Ed Tom. -He is just a goddamn homicidal lunatic, Ed Tom. I'm not sure he's a lunatic. -I'm not sure he's a lunatic. Well what would you call him. -Well what would you call him. I don't know. Sometimes I think he's pretty much a ghost. -I don't know. Sometimes I think he's pretty much a ghost. He's real all right. -He's real all right. Oh yes. -Oh yes. All that at the Eagle Hotel. It's beyond everything. -All that at the Eagle Hotel. It's beyond everything. Yes, he has some hard bark on him. -Yes, he has some hard bark on him. That don't hardly say it. He shoots the desk clerk one day, and walks right back in the next and shoots a retired army colonel. -Hard to believe. Strolls right back into a crime scene. Who would do such a thing? How do you defend against it? -Don't know why I did. I told you, I don't know where he is. You ain't heard from him? -You ain't heard from him? No I ain't. -No I ain't. Nothin'? -Nothin'? Not word one. -Not word one. Would you tell me if you had? -Would you tell me if you had? Well, I don't know. He don't need any trouble from you. -Well, I don't know. He don't need any trouble from you. It's not me he's in trouble with. -It's not me he's in trouble with. Who's he in trouble with then? -Who's he in trouble with then? Some pretty bad people. -Some pretty bad people. Llewelyn can take care of hisself. -Llewelyn can take care of hisself. These people will kill him, Carla Jean. They won't quit. -These people will kill him, Carla Jean. They won't quit. He won't neither. He never has. -He won't neither. He never has. I wish I could say that was in his favor. But I have to say I don't think it is. -I wish I could say that was in his favor. But I have to say I don't think it is. He can take all comers. -Why you tellin' me that, Sheriff? I don't know. My mind wanders. -Who's Charlie Walser. Oh! Well, I, uh... True story? I couldn't swear to ever detail but... it's certainly true that it is a story. Yeah, right. Sheriff, can you give me your word on somethin'? -Yes ma'am? If I tell you where Llewelyn's headed, you promise it'll be just you goes and talks with him -- you and nobody else? -If I tell you where Llewelyn's headed, you promise it'll be just you goes and talks with him -- you and nobody else? Yes ma'am, I do. -Yes ma'am, I do. Llewelyn would never ask for help. He never thinks he needs any. -Llewelyn would never ask for help. He never thinks he needs any. Carla Jean, I will not harm your man. And he needs help, whether he knows it or not. -Carla Jean... No. -You wouldn't think a car would burn like that. Yessir. We should a brought wieners. -Does that look to you like about a '77 Ford, Wendell? It could be. -It could be. I'd say it is. Not a doubt in my mind. -I'd say it is. Not a doubt in my mind. The old boy shot by the highway? -The old boy shot by the highway? Yessir, his vehicle. Man killed Lamar's deputy, took his car, killed someone on the highway, swapped for his car, and now here it is and he's swapped again for god knows what. -Yessir, his vehicle. Man killed Lamar's deputy, took his car, killed someone on the highway, swapped for his car, and now here it is and he's swapped again for god knows what. That's very linear Sheriff. -Well. Old age flattens a man. Yessir. But then there's this other. He nods up the ridge away from the highway. -Yessir. But then there's this other. He nods up the ridge away from the highway. Uh-huh. -...You ride Winston. You sure? -You sure? Oh, I'm more than sure. Anything happens to Loretta's horse I can tell you right now you don't wanna be the party that was aboard. -I know this truck. Belongs to a feller named Moss. Llewelyn Moss? -Llewelyn Moss? That's the boy. -That's the boy. You figure him for a dope runner? -Yes, appears to have been a glitch or two. What calibers you got there, Sheriff? -What calibers you got there, Sheriff? Nine millimeter. Couple of .45 ACP's. -...Somebody unloaded on this thing with a shotgun. Mm. -...How come do you reckon the coyotes ain't been at 'em? I don't know... -These boys is all swole up. So this was earlier: gettin set to trade. Then, whoa, differences... You know: might not of even been no money. That's possible. -That's possible. But you don't believe it. -But you don't believe it. No. Probably I don't. -No. Probably I don't. It's a mess, ain't it Sheriff? -We goin' in? Gun out and up. -What about yours? I'm hidin' behind you. -...I believe they've done lit a shuck. Believe you're right. -Believe you're right. That from the lock? -Probably must be. So when was he here? -So when was he here? I don't know. Oh. -...Now that's aggravating. Sheriff? -Sheriff, that's aggravating. I'm ahead of you there. -You think this boy Moss has got any notion of the sorts of sons of bitches that are huntin' him? I don't know. He ought to... -What was the bullet? Wasn't no bullet. -Wasn't no bullet? Yessir. Wasn't none. -Yessir. Wasn't none. Well, Wendell, with all due respect, that don't make a whole lot of sense. -Well, Wendell, with all due respect, that don't make a whole lot of sense. No sir. -No sir. You said entrance wound in the forehead, no exit wound. -You said entrance wound in the forehead, no exit wound. Yes sir. -Yes sir. Are you telling me he shot this boy in the head and then went fishin' around in there with a pocket knife? -Are you telling me he shot this boy in the head and then went fishin' around in there with a pocket knife? Sir, I don't want to picture that. -Sir, I don't want to picture that. Well I don't either! -Yes Noreen you better had. Thank you. The Rangers and DEA are heading out to the desert this morning. You gonna join 'em? -The Rangers and DEA are heading out to the desert this morning. You gonna join 'em? I don't know. Any new bodies accumulated out there? -I don't know. Any new bodies accumulated out there? No sir. -No sir. Well then I guess I can skip it. Heavens to Betsy, Wendell, you already put me off my breakfast. -Yessir. None of the three had ID on 'em but they're tellin' me all three is Mexicans. Was Mexicans. There's a question. Whether they stopped bein'. And when. -There's a question. Whether they stopped bein'. And when. Yessir. -Yessir. Now, Wendell, did you inquire about the cylinder lock? -Now, Wendell, did you inquire about the cylinder lock? Yessir. It was punched out. -Yessir. It was punched out. Okay. -Okay. You gonna drive out there? -You gonna drive out there? No, that's the only thing I would've looked for. And it sounds like these boys died of natural causes. -No, that's the only thing I would've looked for. And it sounds like these boys died of natural causes. How's that, Sheriff? -How's that, Sheriff? Natural to the line of work they was in. -Natural to the line of work they was in. Yessir. -Yessir. My lord, Wendell, it's just all-out war. I don't know any other word for it. Who are these folks? I don't know... -...This month's checks. That DEA agent called again. You don't want to talk to him? -That DEA agent called again. You don't want to talk to him? I'm goin' to try and keep from it as much as I can. -I'm goin' to try and keep from it as much as I can. He's goin' back out there and he wanted to know if you wanted to go with him. -...Could I get you to call Loretta and tell her I've gone to Odessa? goin' to visit with Carla Jean Moss. Yes Sheriff. -Yes Sheriff. I'll call Loretta when I get there. I'd call now but she'll want me to come home and I just might. -I'll call Loretta when I get there. I'd call now but she'll want me to come home and I just might. You want me to wait til you've quit the building? -You want me to wait til you've quit the building? Yes I do. You don't want to lie without what it's absolutely necessary. -...What is it that Torbert says? About truth and justice? We dedicate ourselves daily anew. Something like that. -We dedicate ourselves daily anew. Something like that. I think I'm goin' to commence dedicatin' myself twice daily. It may come to three times before it's over... -I thought it was a car afire. It is a car afire. But Wendell said there was something back country too. -It is a car afire. But Wendell said there was something back country too. When is the county gonna start payin' a rental on my horse. -When is the county gonna start payin' a rental on my horse. Hyah! -...I love you more'n more, ever day. That's very nice. -...Be careful. I always am. -I always am. Don't get hurt. -Don't get hurt. I never do. -I never do. Don't hurt no one. -Don't hurt no one. Well. If you say so. -Maybe I'll go ridin. Okay. -Okay. What do you think. -What do you think. I can't plan your day. -I can't plan your day. I mean, would you care to join me. -I mean, would you care to join me. Lord no. I'm not retired. -...How'd you sleep? I don't know. Had dreams. -I don't know. Had dreams. Well you got time for 'em now. Anything interesting? -Well you got time for 'em now. Anything interesting? Well they always is to the party concerned. -Well they always is to the party concerned. Ed Tom, I'll be polite. -Ed Tom, I'll be polite. Okay. Two of 'em. Both had my father. It's peculiar. I'm older now'n he ever was by twenty years. So in a sense he's the younger man. Anyway, first one I don't remember so well but it was about meetin' him in town somewheres and he give me some money and I think I lost it. The second one, it was like we was both back in older times and I was on horseback goin' through the mountains of a night. -It ain't even three years we been married. Three years ago I said them very words. No and Good. -I got it Mama. I didn't see my Prednizone. -I didn't see my Prednizone. I put it in, Mama. -I put it in, Mama. Well I didn't see it. -Well I didn't see it. Well I put it in. That one. You just set there. I'll get tickets and a cart for the bags. -No. I ain't got the money. -I ain't got the money. No. -No. What little I had is long gone and they's bill aplenty to pay yet. I buried my mother today. I ain't paid for that neither. -What little I had is long gone and they's bill aplenty to pay yet. I buried my mother today. I ain't paid for that neither. I wouldn't worry about it. -I wouldn't worry about it. ...I need to sit down. -...You got no cause to hurt me. No. But I gave my word. -No. But I gave my word. You gave your word? -You gave your word? To your husband. -To your husband. That don't make sense. You gave your word to my husband to kill me? -That don't make sense. You gave your word to my husband to kill me? Your husband had the opportunity to remove you from harm's way. Instead, he used you to try to save himself. -Your husband had the opportunity to remove you from harm's way. Instead, he used you to try to save himself. Not like that. Not like you say. -Not like that. Not like you say. I don't say anything. Except it was foreseen. -I knowed you was crazy when I saw you settin' there. I knowed exactly what was in store for me. Yes. Things fall into place. -What's in the satchel? It's full a money. -It's full a money. That'll be the day. -...Where'd you get the pistol? At the gettin' place. -Did you buy that gun? No. I found it. -No. I found it. Llewelyn! -Llewelyn! What? Quit hollerin'. -What'd you give for that thing? You don't need to know everthing, Carla Jean. -You don't need to know everthing, Carla Jean. I need to know that. -I need to know that. You keep running that mouth I'm gonna take you in the back and screw you. -You keep running that mouth I'm gonna take you in the back and screw you. Big talk. -Big talk. Just keep it up. -Just keep it up. Fine. I don't wanna know. I don't even wanna know where you been all day. -Fine. I don't wanna know. I don't even wanna know where you been all day. That'll work. -Llewelyn. Yeah. -Yeah. What're you doin', baby? -What're you doin', baby? Goin' out. -Goin' out. Goin' where? -Goin' where? Somethin' I forgot to do. I'll be back. -Somethin' I forgot to do. I'll be back. What're you goin' to do? -...If I don't come back tell Mother I love her. Your mother's dead, Llewelyn. -Your mother's dead, Llewelyn. Well then I'll tell her myself. -Odessa. Why would we go to Odessa? -Why would we go to Odessa? Not we, you. Stay with your mother. -Not we, you. Stay with your mother. Well -- how come? -So... for how long do we have to... Baby, at what point would you quit botherin' to look for your two million dollars? -What'm I supposed to tell Mama? Try standin' in the door and hollerin: Mama I'm home. -Try standin' in the door and hollerin: Mama I'm home. Llewelyn -- -Llewelyn -- C'mon, pack your things. Anything you leave you ain't gonna see again. -Well thanks for fallin' all over and apologizing. Things happened. I can't take 'em back. -Why all the way to Del Rio? I'm gonna borrow a car. From Eldon. -You can't afford one? Don't wanna register it. I'll call you in a couple days. -Don't wanna register it. I'll call you in a couple days. Promise? -Promise? Yes I do. -Yes I do. I got a bad feelin', Llewelyn. -I got a bad feelin', Llewelyn. Well I got a good one. So they ought to even out. Quit worrying about everthing. -Well I got a good one. So they ought to even out. Quit worrying about everthing. Mama's gonna raise hell. -Mama's gonna raise hell. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. She is just gonna cuss you up'n down. -She is just gonna cuss you up'n down. You should be used to that. -You should be used to that. I'm used to lots of things, I work at Wal-Mart. -I'm used to lots of things, I work at Wal-Mart. Not any more, Carla Jean. You're retired. -Not any more, Carla Jean. You're retired. Llewelyn? -Llewelyn? Yes ma'am? -Yes ma'am? You are comin back, ain't ya? -You are comin back, ain't ya? I shall return. -Llewelyn? Hey. -Hey. What should I do? -What should I do? You know what's goin' on? -You know what's goin' on? I don't know, I had the sheriff here from Terrell County -- -I don't know, I had the sheriff here from Terrell County -- What did you tell him? -What did you tell him? What did I know to tell him. You're hurt, ain't you? -What did I know to tell him. You're hurt, ain't you? What makes you say that? -What makes you say that? I can hear it in your voice. -Llewelyn, I ain't gonna leave you in the lurch. No. This works better. With you gone and I don't have the money, he can't touch me. But I can sure touch him. After I find him I'll come and join you. -No. This works better. With you gone and I don't have the money, he can't touch me. But I can sure touch him. After I find him I'll come and join you. Find who? What am I supposed to do with Mother? -Find who? What am I supposed to do with Mother? She'll be all right. -She'll be all right. She'll be all right? -We don't have to do this. I'm a daytrader. I could just go home. Why would I let you do that? -Why would I let you do that? I know where the money is. -I know where the money is. If you knew, you would have it with you. -If you knew, you would have it with you. I need dark. To get it. I know where it is. -I need dark. To get it. I know where it is. I know something better. -I know something better. What's that. -What's that. I know where it's going to be. -I know where it's going to be. And where is that. -And where is that. It will be brought to me and placed at my feet. -You don't know to a certainty. Twenty minutes it could be here. I do know to a certainty. And you know what's going to happen now. You should admit your situation. There would be more dignity in it. -I do know to a certainty. And you know what's going to happen now. You should admit your situation. There would be more dignity in it. You go to hell. -Do you have any idea how goddamn crazy you are? You mean the nature of this conversation? -You mean the nature of this conversation? I mean the nature of you. -Yessir? I'm looking for Llewelyn Moss. -I'm looking for Llewelyn Moss. Did you go up to his trailer? -Did you go up to his trailer? Yes I did. -Yes I did. Well I'd say he's at work. Do you want to leave a message? -Well I'd say he's at work. Do you want to leave a message? Where does he work? -Where does he work? I can't say. -I can't say. Where does he work? -Where does he work? Sir I ain't at liberty to give out no information about our residents. -Where does he work? Did you not hear me? We can't give out no information. -Hello? Is Llewelyn there? -Is Llewelyn there? Llewelyn?! No he ain't. -Llewelyn?! No he ain't. You expect him? -What's this about? Step out of the car please, sir. -Huh? What is... I need you to step out of the car, sir. -Mm-hm. Screwgie. -...Where's the transponder? In the truck. I'll get it. -...You getting anything on this? Not a bleep. -Not a bleep. All right... -How'd you find it? No me mate. -Yeah, that'll suck some power. Over time. You from around here? -What airport would you use. Huh? Airport or airstrip? -Huh? Airport or airstrip? Airport. -Airport. Well -- where ya goin'? -Well -- where ya goin'? I don't know. -I don't know. Just lightin' out for the territories, huh. Brother, I been there... Well... -Who is this. You know who it is. -...You need to talk to me. I don't need to talk to you. -I don't need to talk to you. I think that you do. Do you know where I'm going? -I think that you do. Do you know where I'm going? Why would I care where you're going. -Why would I care where you're going. Do you know where I'm going? -...I know where you are. Yeah? Where am I? -Yeah? Where am I? You're in the hospital across the river. But that's not where I'm going. Do you know where I'm going? -You're in the hospital across the river. But that's not where I'm going. Do you know where I'm going? Yeah. I know where you're going. -Yeah. I know where you're going. All right. -All right. You know she won't be there. -You know she won't be there. It doesn't make any difference where she is. -It doesn't make any difference where she is. So what're you goin' up there for. -You know how this is going to turn out, don't you? No. Do you? -No. Do you? Yes, I do. I think you do too. So this is what I'll offer. You bring me the money and I'll let her go. Otherwise she's accountable. The same as you. That's the best deal you're going to get. I won't tell you you can save yourself because you can't. -Yes, I do. I think you do too. So this is what I'll offer. You bring me the money and I'll let her go. Otherwise she's accountable. The same as you. That's the best deal you're going to get. I won't tell you you can save yourself because you can't. Yeah I'm goin' to bring you somethin' all right. I've decided to make you a special project of mine. You ain't goin' to have to look for me at all. -...Me? Yes. -Yes. Nobody. Accounting. -He gave Acosta's people a receiver. He feels... he felt... the more people looking... -He feels... he felt... the more people looking... That's foolish. You pick the one right tool. -...For instance. I used birshot. So as not to blow the window. I see. -How much? Sixty-nine cent. -Sixty-nine cent. This. And the gas. -This. And the gas. Y'all getting any rain up your way? -Y'all getting any rain up your way? What way would that be? -What way would that be? I seen you was from Dallas. -What business is it of yours where I'm from, friendo? I didn't mean nothin' by it. -I didn't mean nothin' by it. Didn't mean nothin'. -Didn't mean nothin'. I was just passin' the time. -I was just passin' the time. I guess that passes for manners in your cracker view of things. -...Will there be somethin' else? I don't know. Will there? -Is somethin' wrong? With what? -With what? With anything? -With anything? Is that what you're asking me? Is there something wrong with anything? -Will there be anything else? You already asked me that. -You already asked me that. Well... I need to see about closin'. -Well... I need to see about closin'. See about closing. -See about closing. Yessir. -Yessir. What time do you close? -What time do you close? Now. We close now. -Now. We close now. Now is not a time. What time do you close. -Now is not a time. What time do you close. Generally around dark. At dark. -You don't know what you're talking about, do you? Sir? -Sir? I said you don't know what you're talking about. -...What time do you go to bed. Sir? -Sir? You're a bit deaf, aren't you? I said what time do you go to bed. -You're a bit deaf, aren't you? I said what time do you go to bed. Well... -...I'd say around nine-thirty. Somewhere around nine-thirty. I could come back then. -I could come back then. Why would you be comin' back? We'll be closed. -Why would you be comin' back? We'll be closed. You said that. -Well... I need to close now -- You live in that house behind the store? -You live in that house behind the store? Yes I do. -Yes I do. You've lived here all your life? -This was my wife's father's place. Originally. You married into it. -You married into it. We lived in Temple Texas for many years. Raised a family there. In Temple. We come out here about four years ago. -We lived in Temple Texas for many years. Raised a family there. In Temple. We come out here about four years ago. You married into it. -You married into it. ...If that's the way you wanna put it. -...If that's the way you wanna put it. I don't have some way to put it. That's the way it is. -...What's the most you've ever lost on a coin toss? Sir? -Sir? The most. You ever lost. On a coin toss. -The most. You ever lost. On a coin toss. I don't know. I couldn't say. -Call it. Call it? -Call it? Yes. -Yes. For what? -For what? Just call it. -Just call it. Well -- we need to know what it is we're callin' for here. -Well -- we need to know what it is we're callin' for here. You need to call it. I can't call it for you. It wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't even be right. -You need to call it. I can't call it for you. It wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't even be right. I didn't put nothin' up. -I didn't put nothin' up. Yes you did. You been putting it up your whole life. You just didn't know it. You know what date is on this coin? -Yes you did. You been putting it up your whole life. You just didn't know it. You know what date is on this coin? No. -No. Nineteen fifty-eight. It's been traveling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And it's either heads or tails, and you have to say. Call it. -Look... I got to know what I stand to win. Everything. -Everything. How's that? -How's that? You stand to win everything. Call it. -You stand to win everything. Call it. All right. Heads then. -...Don't put it in your pocket. Sir? -Sir? Don't put it in your pocket. It's your lucky quarter. -Don't put it in your pocket. It's your lucky quarter. ...Where you want me to put it? -...Where you want me to put it? Anywhere not in your pocket. Or it'll get mixed in with the others and become just a coin. Which it is. -Twelve gauge. You need shells? Moss looks the gun over. Uh-huh. Double ought. -Uh-huh. Double ought. They'll give you a wallop. -Tent poles. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. You already have the tent? -You already have the tent? Somethin' like that. -Somethin' like that. Well you give me the model number of the tent I can order you the poles. -Well you give me the model number of the tent I can order you the poles. Never mind. I want a tent. -Never mind. I want a tent. What kind of tent? -What kind of tent? The kind with the most poles. -The kind with the most poles. Well I guess that'd be our ten-foot backyard Per-Gola. You can stand up in it. Well, some people could stand up in it. Six foot clearance at the ridge. You might just could. -Well I guess that'd be our ten-foot backyard Per-Gola. You can stand up in it. Well, some people could stand up in it. Six foot clearance at the ridge. You might just could. Let me have that one. Where's the nearest hardware store? -One room, one night. That's twenty-six dollars. -That's twenty-six dollars. You on all night? -You on all night? Yessir, be here til ten tomorrow morning. -I'm waitin' to hear your description of that. There's somebody lookin' for me. Not police. Just call me if anyone else checks in tonight. -Good. I need everything else. Okay. -Okay. You get a lot of people come in here with no clothes on? -You get a lot of people come in here with no clothes on? No sir, it's unusual. -Don't stop. Just ride me up past the rooms. What room? -What room? Just drive me around. I want to see if someone's here. -...Keep going. Don't stop. I don't want to get in some kind of a jackpot here, buddy. -I don't want to get in some kind of a jackpot here, buddy. It's all right. -It's all right. Why don't I set you down here and we won't argue about it. -Why don't I set you down here and we won't argue about it. I want you to take me to another motel. -I want you to take me to another motel. Let's just call it square. -Yessir, that's correct. I know 'em when I see 'em. When did you last see him. -When did you last see him. November the 28th, last year. -November the 28th, last year. You seem pretty sure of the date. Did I ask you to sit? -You seem pretty sure of the date. Did I ask you to sit? No sir but you struck me as a man who wouldn't want to waste a chair. I remember dates. Names. Numbers. I saw him on November 28th. -We got a loose cannon here. And we're out a bunch of money, and the other party is out his product. Yessir. I understand that. -Yessir. If your expenses run higher I hope you'll trust us for it. -If your expenses run higher I hope you'll trust us for it. Okay. -Okay. How well do you know Chigurh. -How well do you know Chigurh. Well enough. -Well enough. That's not an answer. -That's not an answer. What do you want to know? -What do you want to know? I'd just like to know your opinion of him. In general. Just how dangerous is he? -He killed three men in a motel in Del Rio yesterday. And two others at that colossal goatfuck out in the desert. Okay. We can stop that. -Okay. We can stop that. You seem pretty sure of yourself. You've led something of a charmed life haven't you Mr. Wells? -...I'm wondering... Yes? -Yes? Can I get my parking ticket validated? -...An attempt at humor, I suppose. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Goodbye, Mr. Wells. -You tell me the option. The what? -The what? The option. -...You pick the option with the applicable rate. I'm just one person. Don't matter the size of the bed. -Could I get another room. You want to change rooms? -You want to change rooms? No, I want to keep my room, and get another one. -No, I want to keep my room, and get another one. Another additional. -Another additional. Uh-huh.You got a map of the rooms? -What about one forty-two. You can have the one next to yours if you want. One twenty. It ain't took. -You can have the one next to yours if you want. One twenty. It ain't took. No, one forty-two. -No, one forty-two. That's got two double beds. -That's me. I got beers in my room. -Waitin' for my wife. Oh. That's who you keep lookin' out the window for? -Oh. That's who you keep lookin' out the window for? Half. -Half. What else then? -What else then? Lookin' for what's comin'. -Lookin' for what's comin'. Yeah but no one ever sees that. I like a man that'll tell you he's married. -Yeah but no one ever sees that. I like a man that'll tell you he's married. Then you'll like me. -Then you'll like me. I do like you. -...Don't worry. I'm not the man that's after you. I know, I've seen him. Sort of. -...But that won't last. What is he supposed to be, the ultimate bad-ass? -What is he supposed to be, the ultimate bad-ass? I don't think that's how I would describe him. -I don't think that's how I would describe him. How would you describe him? -How would you describe him? I guess I'd say... that he doesn't have a sense of humor. His name is Chigurh. -I guess I'd say... that he doesn't have a sense of humor. His name is Chigurh. Sugar? -Sugar? Chigurh. Anton Chigurh. You know how he found you? -Chigurh. Anton Chigurh. You know how he found you? I know how he found me. -I know how he found me. It's called a transponder. -It's called a transponder. I know what it is. He won't find me again. -I know what it is. He won't find me again. Not that way. -Not that way. Not any way. -Not any way. Took me about three hours. -Took me about three hours. I been immobile. -I been immobile. No. You don't understand. -...What do you do? I'm retired. -I'm retired. What did you do? -What did you do? I'm a welder. -I'm a welder. Acetylene? Mig? Tig? -Acetylene? Mig? Tig? Any of it. If it can be welded I can weld it. -Any of it. If it can be welded I can weld it. Cast iron? -Cast iron? Yes. -Yes. I don't mean braze. -I don't mean braze. I didn't say braze. -I didn't say braze. Pot metal? -Pot metal? What did I say? -What did I say? Were you in Nam? -Were you in Nam? Yeah. I was in Nam. -Yeah. I was in Nam. So was I. -So was I. So what does that make me? Your buddy? -Look. You need to give me the money. I've got no other reason to protect you. Too late. I spent it -- about a million and a half on whores and whiskey and the rest of it I just sort of blew it in. -Why would he go to Odessa? To kill your wife. -Maybe he should be worried. About me. He isn't. You're not cut out for this. You're just a guy that happened to find those vehicles. -...You didn't take the product, did you? What product. -What product. The heroin. You don't have it. -The heroin. You don't have it. No I don't have it. -No I don't have it. No. You don't. -...I'm across the river. At the Hotel Eagle. Carson Wells. Call me when you've had enough. I can even let you keep a little of the money. If I was cuttin' deals, why wouldn't I go deal with this guy Chigurh? -If I was cuttin' deals, why wouldn't I go deal with this guy Chigurh? No no. No. You don't understand. You can't make a deal with him. Even if you gave him the money he'd still kill you. He's a peculiar man. You could even say that he has principles. Principles that transcend money or drugs or anything like that. He's not like you. He's not even like me. -No no. No. You don't understand. You can't make a deal with him. Even if you gave him the money he'd still kill you. He's a peculiar man. You could even say that he has principles. Principles that transcend money or drugs or anything like that. He's not like you. He's not even like me. He don't talk as much as you, I give him points for that. -Who do you think gets through this gate into the United States of America? I don't know. American citizens. -I don't know. American citizens. Some American citizens. Who do you think decides? -Some American citizens. Who do you think decides? You do, I reckon. -You do, I reckon. That is correct. And how do I decide? -That is correct. And how do I decide? I don't know. -I don't know. I ask questions. If I get sensible answers then they get to go to America. If I don't get sensible answers they don't. Is there anything about that that you don't understand? -I ask questions. If I get sensible answers then they get to go to America. If I don't get sensible answers they don't. Is there anything about that that you don't understand? No sir. -No sir. Then I ask you again how you come to be out here with no clothes. -Then I ask you again how you come to be out here with no clothes. I got an overcoat on. -I got an overcoat on. Are you jackin' with me? -Are you jackin' with me? No sir. -No sir. Don't jack with me. -Don't jack with me. Yes sir. -Yes sir. Are you in the service? -Are you in the service? No sir. I'm a veteran. -No sir. I'm a veteran. Nam? -Nam? Yes sir. Two tours. -Yes sir. Two tours. What outfit. -What outfit. Twelfth Infantry Batallion. August seventh nineteen and sixty-six to July second nineteen and sixty-eight. -How is she? She's in a kind of shock. I see all the signs of a post-traumatic reaction with possible dissociative symptoms. -She's in a kind of shock. I see all the signs of a post-traumatic reaction with possible dissociative symptoms. Could I have that in American? -Could I have that in American? It's a type of altered state... it allows a traumatized person to continue functioning. -It's a type of altered state... it allows a traumatized person to continue functioning. So she did witness it? -Sorry you had to see that. You were saying? I was saying that it seems probable that she witnessed the murder, but her memory of it is gone, at least for the time being. I also think you ought to have her stay with someone tonight. Any idea who Chloe or Lonnie are? -I was saying that it seems probable that she witnessed the murder, but her memory of it is gone, at least for the time being. I also think you ought to have her stay with someone tonight. Any idea who Chloe or Lonnie are? No... Friends from the diner maybe? -No... Friends from the diner maybe? Well, you should find out. She keeps talking about them... -Hey, Sheriff. How's everything? Oh, you know, the usual... keeping the world safe. -Oh, you know, the usual... keeping the world safe. ...I meant your food. -...I meant your food. Oh, right... 's fine. Thanks. -I'm in a motel. Has something happened to Del? Did he do something stupid? BETTY, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU... IN PERSON! WHERE'RE YOU AT? -BETTY, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU... IN PERSON! WHERE'RE YOU AT? IF THIS IS ABOUT DEL, FORGET IT! I'M NOT COMING BACK! -IF THIS IS ABOUT DEL, FORGET IT! I'M NOT COMING BACK! GODAMMIT, BETTY!... WHO'S CHLOE? -GODAMMIT, BETTY!... WHO'S CHLOE? I'M THROUGH TALKING NOW! GOODBYE! -Sheriff, I don't... C'mon, Betty, open up! I got some questions for you about... -"Yeah, it was great. Really put the whole idea of ""church bake sales"" in perspective..." You know, Elden, some people actually read more than just the Classifieds... -You know, Elden, some people actually read more than just the Classifieds... Why don't you go back to doing something you're good at... like that Lonelyhearts column? I'll take a refill there, Betty... -I thought you said the eggs weren't... It's fine. Mind your own meal... -It's fine. Mind your own meal... You should get the order you want. -You should get the order you want. And you should keep your nose out of another man's omelette... It's no big deal, Betty. -Why you always gotta embarrass me? I been eating lunch with you since grade school and you always gotta embarrass me! They're just eggs, Elden, how embarrassing can eggs be? -They're just eggs, Elden, how embarrassing can eggs be? ...plenty -...plenty Who eats eggs for lunch, anyhow? -Who eats eggs for lunch, anyhow? Mind your own business. You just said that shit so you could look at her a little longer, anyway... -Okay, let's go... I got nothing for the record yet. Oww! My arm, careful! -Oww! My arm, careful! Ahh, what'd you do now... fall off your bike again? -Ahh, what'd you do now... fall off your bike again? No, it's nothing, I... my piranha just mauled me a little when I layed their food out. -No, it's nothing, I... my piranha just mauled me a little when I layed their food out. Good God... they're meat eaters, Roy, just drop the shit in there! -Good God... they're meat eaters, Roy, just drop the shit in there! I can't... they prefer a more formal presentation. I don't usually go so close to the surface, but I was... -I can't... they prefer a more formal presentation. I don't usually go so close to the surface, but I was... ...you are so goddamn weird. Oh, and by the way, get the hell outta here! -...you are so goddamn weird. Oh, and by the way, get the hell outta here! No, Elden, I need to... -No, Elden, I need to... You need to get yourself gone from my crime scene. And leave Betty alone, she's... -You need to get yourself gone from my crime scene. And leave Betty alone, she's... She knows who killed Del. Elden, she said it was a woman. -She knows who killed Del. Elden, she said it was a woman. It wasn't a woman. -It wasn't a woman. Yes it was. Betty saw the whole thing! Your killer's name is Chloe... -Yes it was. Betty saw the whole thing! Your killer's name is Chloe... I'm tellin' you it wasn't no woman, Roy! -Jesus... You think a woman did that?! -So, you think you're gonna find his scalp hanging in some tepee? They no longer live in tepees, Mr. College Graduate. -They no longer live in tepees, Mr. College Graduate. Did you send anyone out there? -Did you send anyone out there? You bet I did. I got a squad car on the way to the reservation right now. -You bet I did. I got a squad car on the way to the reservation right now. Bad idea... -Bad idea... You just go write your little story, Roy. I'll handle the police work... -You just go write your little story, Roy. I'll handle the police work... You better handle what's in this garbage can first. -I questioned Joyce about all this... Yeah? -Yeah? Seems she was pretty familiar with 'ol Del. On a regular basis, if you get my drift... -Seems she was pretty familiar with 'ol Del. On a regular basis, if you get my drift... ...and half the other guys in this town. Including you, I believe... -...and half the other guys in this town. Including you, I believe... Junior year! -Junior year! Anyway, so what? -Anyway, so what? So? ...Suppose Betty found out about them? -So? ...Suppose Betty found out about them? You said a woman couldn't have done it. -You said a woman couldn't have done it. A woman can write a check. -A woman can write a check. So you're saying Betty Sizemore -- our Betty Sizemore -- who you were in swing choir with -- has now hired somebody to scalp her husband in her own kitchen while she watched? You're amazing. -So you're saying Betty Sizemore -- our Betty Sizemore -- who you were in swing choir with -- has now hired somebody to scalp her husband in her own kitchen while she watched? You're amazing. 'S just a theory... just 'cause I'm thinking it don't mean I like it. -Oh, you're sharp as a tack, Elden. That's it! YOU'RE GONE! -Oww, the arm, the arm! You just don't know when to quit, Roy! You were jealous of me when I got hall monitor in seventh grade, and you're still jealous now!!! -You just don't know when to quit, Roy! You were jealous of me when I got hall monitor in seventh grade, and you're still jealous now!!! One question, Doctor, please! You can't do this! I'm the press, I have rights!! -One question, Doctor, please! You can't do this! I'm the press, I have rights!! That's right, you have the right to remain silent. -What if the killers didn't see her? You published her picture -- you're gonna get her killed! No, we're bringing the community into the effort to find her. -No, we're bringing the community into the effort to find her. You're lying! -You're lying! I spoke to Betty Sizemore yesterday. That's right. There's no doubt in my mind, folks... she's on the run. Whether or not she's mixed up in all this remains to be seen... -I spoke to Betty Sizemore yesterday. That's right. There's no doubt in my mind, folks... she's on the run. Whether or not she's mixed up in all this remains to be seen... That's bullshit, Sheriff! You think she's a suspect! -That's bullshit, Sheriff! You think she's a suspect! I'd like to apologize for our local boy. He's been in love with Betty since the fifth grade, y'see. He means well, but he's in over his head on this. -What the hell do you want?... Hey, Sue Ann, what's up? We think we know where Betty is. -We think we know where Betty is. Ah, shit... Do I have to hear this now? -I see you're sticking to the diet Betty put you on... Worry about your own goddamn lunch! -Worry about your own goddamn lunch! Tell him what you told me. -Why do I need to see this? Did he ask you to...? Listen! I saw 'Chloe' and 'Lonnie' on T.V. They're television characters. -Yeah? Well, she called Sue Ann yesterday from Arizona. She said she was in Arizona, did she? -Come on, Elden, think about it. The driver, all them trunks standing open like that... something's going on here! I know that... -I know that... Well, do something, then, damnit! -Well, do something, then, damnit! You watch your mouth when you're in a goddamn county vehicle... You don't think I see what's going on? Del, now this Cooley fella, both of 'em mixed up with Joyce... 'S not no conspiracy, not some episode off the X-Files... 's just a crime of passion, plain and simple. Betty's on some kind'a pre-minstral rampage, that's what is going on here. -Oww... Did you have to make these things so tight? No, I didn't have to. -Elden, let me out of here. Now! This is ridiculous, I need medical attention! That's a nice name for what you need... -That's a nice name for what you need... Come on, I have to get this dressing off... it itches! And what about my fish? Who is taking care of them? -Just shut up a second and listen... That, uh... that bar in Arizona? Where you said Betty was? What about it? -What about it? Any idea where it is? -Any idea where it is? "Little place called ""Williams,"" why?" -"Little place called ""Williams,"" why?" I just got something off the wire. The woman who owns it was murdered last night. Now, I'm not saying I agree with you or nothing, but... what else do you know? -I just got something off the wire. The woman who owns it was murdered last night. Now, I'm not saying I agree with you or nothing, but... what else do you know? I know plenty. -That's a lie! I figured it out! I've been trying to tell this dumbass -- Fuck you, Roy Ostrey! -Fuck you, Roy Ostrey! -- small-time, pissant, Barney Fife -- -We're in a shootout, Roy! Shut up about the damn fish! YOU shut up! They're beautiful, but get them some water. -We need ammo... Go check his jacket, I'll cover you. I'm not going out there! Let's wait for the real police... -I'm not going out there! Let's wait for the real police... You gotta go, we're pinned down! -You wanna see if he has more shells, go ahead. I say we wait... No, no, no... you don't know shit about procedure! You don't send your best... -No, no, no... you don't know shit about procedure! You don't send your best... I've got the working gun, Elden, me! You wasted all your bullets so you crawl out there. -Uhh, no, we haven't picked a date yet... well, once he dumps her we will. He's out pricing banners... I don't expect him back. """Banners?""" -"""Banners?""" "You know, flags and shit... he said ""for a livelier look"" or something." -Need something else? No, I was just... How you doing? -No, I was just... How you doing? Great. Good. Content... -Great. Good. Content... Oh. How come? -Oh. How come? I dunno. Job satisfaction, I guess... How's things at the Tip Top? -I dunno. Job satisfaction, I guess... How's things at the Tip Top? They're fine... you miss it? -They're fine... you miss it? You must be joking. -You must be joking. Hmm. So, Del get that car he sold you up and running yet? -Hmm. So, Del get that car he sold you up and running yet? Oh, yeah, he's got things up and running, alright... -Oh, yeah, he's got things up and running, alright... 'Kay, good. Bye, then... -'Kay, good. Bye, then... Uh-huh. Anyway, I'm thinking Easter, 'cause I just fucking love pastels. -Who are these idiots? This is Roy Ostrey, he's a reporter. And this is Sheriff Ballard. We all went to Fair Oaks High together... -This is Roy Ostrey, he's a reporter. And this is Sheriff Ballard. We all went to Fair Oaks High together... Oh, this is wonderful... -...I s'pose you did that so I could take my sweater off or something. No, just stand there... lemme look at you a minute. -Do you know who I am? ...I... I know what you are. -...I... I know what you are. Do you know why I'm here? -Do you know why I'm here? I've got a pretty good idea. You're here to kill me, so kill me. You want me to be afraid, but I'm not. I don't care who you are, or why you two killed my husband... -You really... didn't have anything to do with what Del was doing, did you? I have no idea what he was mixed up in... it was always something. -I have no idea what he was mixed up in... it was always something. So you weren't involved with him in his pathetic attempt to diversify? Were you mixed up in the drugs, Betty? -So you weren't involved with him in his pathetic attempt to diversify? Were you mixed up in the drugs, Betty? Drugs? God, no! I'm totally against drugs. -Drugs? God, no! I'm totally against drugs. Damn, life is strange. I had you figured for this cold-blooded, calculating bitch -- Not that I didn't admire you for it. -...well, if you're not going to slit my throat, why'd you come up here? ...to see you. -...I never meet people like you. I'm a garbageman of the human condition. I deal with trash, mostly, people willing to trade any part of themselves for a few more minutes of their rotten lives. But you... you're different. I am? -I am? Sure. You could probably have any thing you wanted... somebody as beautiful and stylish as yourself, and you don't even realize it. -I'm appreciably older than you, but my health is good. I take care of myself, and I got some money socked away. You'd never have to work again, that's for sure. I'd treat you like a queen. Umm, I don't think that... -Umm, I don't think that... Wait. Let me get this out. I like the symphony, walks in the rain, sunsets, animals and children. I read passionately, and I like to discuss things. I'm basically conservative, but flexible. I've been involved in the death of thirty- two people, but I can live with that because the world is lighter by thirty- two pieces of shit, excuse my language. -Wait. Let me get this out. I like the symphony, walks in the rain, sunsets, animals and children. I read passionately, and I like to discuss things. I'm basically conservative, but flexible. I've been involved in the death of thirty- two people, but I can live with that because the world is lighter by thirty- two pieces of shit, excuse my language. """Thirty-two?""" -"""Thirty-two?""" Well, thirty-three, but I'm not counting Del, on account of you... so, what do you think? You probably feel I'm flattering myself to see us together. -Well, thirty-three, but I'm not counting Del, on account of you... so, what do you think? You probably feel I'm flattering myself to see us together. I don't feel that, no. I just... I'm not really who you think I am. -I don't feel that, no. I just... I'm not really who you think I am. "No one is, honey. Here, listen to this... ""If who I am and who I hope to be should meet one day, I know they will be friends."" Now that's beautiful." -I wrote that when I was twelve... where'd you get that?! I know. I borrowed it from your grandparents because I... I... it doesn't matter. Don't worry, they're fine... Look, I used to feel that same way, said practically those same words, sitting at night in a foxhole in Korea... I've chased you across the country, Betty, and I come to find out we're a lot more alike than you'd think. -I know. I borrowed it from your grandparents because I... I... it doesn't matter. Don't worry, they're fine... Look, I used to feel that same way, said practically those same words, sitting at night in a foxhole in Korea... I've chased you across the country, Betty, and I come to find out we're a lot more alike than you'd think. I thought you were a garbageman of humanity, or something. -I thought you were a garbageman of humanity, or something. Yes, but I'd sort of like to put that behind me now... -That's my son! My son is dead! I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. You're sorry? YOU'RE THE REASON WE'RE HERE! -You're sorry? YOU'RE THE REASON WE'RE HERE! WAIT A SECOND! I AM NOT THE REASON YOU'RE HERE! I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, LIVING A PERFECTLY BORING LIFE UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG! -If we went out that window right now we'd have a chance... I better go check on them. -I better go check on them. Wait, Betty... you still haven't answered me. -Wait, Betty... you still haven't answered me. This is really awkward... -Ahh, it's too late, anyway. It's too late. Listen, I could shoot my way out, maybe take one of them with me... If you'd gimme my gun back. I'd rather not... -I'd rather not... Betty, I don't wanna shrivel up alone in some stinking prison. No way. I've got some professional pride. And I don't want anybody else to get the credit for taking me out. -Betty, I don't wanna shrivel up alone in some stinking prison. No way. I've got some professional pride. And I don't want anybody else to get the credit for taking me out. ...what're you saying? -...what're you saying? When a Roman general knew a battle was lost, he'd throw himself on his sword. -Did... did you really come here because you love this guy? Yes... Not the actor, though, the doctor. I think. -So all this... really was because of that soap opera? My son is dead because you came out here to be with that doctor? A fake doctor? I wouldn't have put it quite that way, but... -I wouldn't have put it quite that way, but... Wesley didn't even want to come up here. He warned me, but I insisted... I have to ask you, Betty...are you crazy? -Wesley didn't even want to come up here. He warned me, but I insisted... I have to ask you, Betty...are you crazy? I don't think I am. -Of course, I don't know every doctor who works here... Dr. Ravell's the finest surgeon on the staff. You must know him. He's incredibly handsome, gentle, considerate. He's being sued for sexual assault right now, but -- It's not true. He was set up. -Dr. Ravell's the finest surgeon on the staff. You must know him. He's incredibly handsome, gentle, considerate. He's being sued for sexual assault right now, but -- It's not true. He was set up. Well, I certainly would have heard about that. -Well, I certainly would have heard about that. Of course, he's only here two days a week. He's also on staff over at Loma Vista. -Of course, he's only here two days a week. He's also on staff over at Loma Vista. ...I don't think I know that hospital. -...I don't think I know that hospital. It's in a very pretty area that gets a lot of sun, has palm trees out front, mountains in the background... -It's in a very pretty area that gets a lot of sun, has palm trees out front, mountains in the background... Really? You've just described all of Southern California. -What you did yesterday was reckless at best. You are not an employee of this hospital! If that boy dies I don't even want to think of the lawsuit that'll follow. Are we communicating here? Yes, ma'am. -Yes, ma'am. Good. I'm prepared to offer you a job. You can help out in the pharmacy until your California certification and references arrive, but you are not to touch anyone. Is that totally clear? Fine... -You can start tomorrow. And don't say a word about this to anyone. Is that issue? Umm... yes. Back home. -Umm... yes. Back home. Alright. Oh, and one more thing about what you did yesterday... Well done. -Did you watch it yet? Sure did. I'll tell you, if that man was any better looking it'd be a crime 'a some sort... -Sure did. I'll tell you, if that man was any better looking it'd be a crime 'a some sort... Yep. Hey, I got a surprise for tonight. We're going to the Starlite in style! -Yep. Hey, I got a surprise for tonight. We're going to the Starlite in style! Oh, Betty -- -Oh, Betty -- I'll give you a hint. If you scrunch up your eyes a bit it looks just like a Jaguar... -I'll give you a hint. If you scrunch up your eyes a bit it looks just like a Jaguar... Honey, I'm really sorry, I was gonna call you about tonight. Larry's got a lodge meeting. There's no way I can get a sitter this fast. -Honey, I'm really sorry, I was gonna call you about tonight. Larry's got a lodge meeting. There's no way I can get a sitter this fast. No... what about your sister? -No... what about your sister? I can't ask her again -- Nathan, stop it! Jesse, don't take that, hit back! -- I feel terrible, hon. -It's all right. You sure? Maybe next week we could... -You sure? Maybe next week we could... Uh-huh. No, we'll do it later. 'S only a birthday, right? I'll have another one next year... -Aahhh... So what color is it? What? -What? The LeSabre! -The LeSabre! Maroon. I stole it. -Maroon. I stole it. What? -What? He wasn't going to let us use it, so I just took it. -He wasn't going to let us use it, so I just took it. Oh, I wish we could just get in it and drive, and drive, and drive! -Oh, I wish we could just get in it and drive, and drive, and drive! Yeah, me too. -Yeah, me too. Sorry, hon. Happy Birthday... -Sorry, hon. Happy Birthday... I gotta go make dinner. -Let me know if you need anything, okay? Are you and Larry happy? -Are you and Larry happy? Oh, I dunno... enough, I s'pose. -Oh, I dunno... enough, I s'pose. Then you should treasure that... you gotta hold on to whatever you got that's any good, even if it's only a little bit. -Then you should treasure that... you gotta hold on to whatever you got that's any good, even if it's only a little bit. All you been through... I ever tell you what a good friend you are? -All you been through... I ever tell you what a good friend you are? All the time... -All the time... Well, you are. -Something bad happened to Del and me, didn't it? Yeah, hon. Real bad. You just get some sleep, everything's gonna be fine. -Yeah, hon. Real bad. You just get some sleep, everything's gonna be fine. Sue Ann, I'm sorry about all this, but I just know there's something special out there for me... -Halfway where? You've gotta come home. We've been worried sick about you. Are you alright? Sue Ann, I thought you of all people would back me up on this, you know what Del's like. How did he take my note? -Sue Ann, I thought you of all people would back me up on this, you know what Del's like. How did he take my note? Betty, honey, listen to me. A man came by from Mutual Life Insurance. He says you've got money comin' to you from Del's policy. Del's life insurance policy -- Are you with me? -Betty, honey, listen to me. A man came by from Mutual Life Insurance. He says you've got money comin' to you from Del's policy. Del's life insurance policy -- Are you with me? What are you talking about? -Tell Del I'm sorry. I left so quick, but I need to do this. Do what? -Do what? I gotta go. -I gotta go. Betty! Listen to me! Del is ... -...of course you do. You don't remember me? I take it I should. I'm sorry. -I take it I should. I'm sorry. We were engaged. -I beg your pardon? But I'm the one who's sorry. Letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life. We were thirteen days away from getting married and... I just got scared. It's a mistake I've had to live with for six years. But it's behind me now... And I hope you can put it behind you. I've missed you... David. -That's very kind of you. The day I left you I just drove and drove. I drove all day and all that night, and I didn't go anywhere. I just kept driving. I stopped at a little country church, and the pastor let me in, and I sat -- -Oh, you mean Fred. No, Del. -No, Del. Right, Del. Del was one hot salesman. Of cars. He could talk anyone into anything. -Right, Del. Del was one hot salesman. Of cars. He could talk anyone into anything. You knew Del?! -You knew Del?! Honey, I didn't want to tell you at the time, but Del and I go way back. We went to school together. In fact, he saved my life. Two more minutes in that icy water and I would have drowned. But Del jumped in and grabbed me. We fell out of touch eventually, but I still owe him one. -Honey, I didn't want to tell you at the time, but Del and I go way back. We went to school together. In fact, he saved my life. Two more minutes in that icy water and I would have drowned. But Del jumped in and grabbed me. We fell out of touch eventually, but I still owe him one. He never told me anything about... that's unbelievable! -I tried to tell myself it was for the best, that there was a reason behind it. But... Del? There was no plan! I was just young and stupid and scared! -There was no plan! I was just young and stupid and scared! You never gave us a chance... -You never gave us a chance... I know that. I can't tell you how many times I've said that to myself in those exact words. -Why do they keep calling you George? I don't know. Why do you keep calling me George? -I guess we all did. You know, I didn't marry Leslie because I loved her. I married her to forget you... Oh, David... I'm sorry I caused you that much pain. -Oh my God! What's Lonnie doing here? You're late, Eric. -Lyla's very nice. Yes, she is. -Yes, she is. She told me I was charming and relentless, and would go far in this town. And she said that unlike the other charming, relentless people she knew, she liked me. -She told me I was charming and relentless, and would go far in this town. And she said that unlike the other charming, relentless people she knew, she liked me. She's a good person to know. So where did you study again? -She's a good person to know. So where did you study again? Carleton School of Nursing. Two semesters, but Del made me give it up... -Carleton School of Nursing. Two semesters, but Del made me give it up... Alright, okay... I think you broke the record for staying in character about three hours ago. -Alright, okay... I think you broke the record for staying in character about three hours ago. You told me that two hours ago. -I haven't been this happy since I was twelve years old. What happened when you were twelve? -What happened when you were twelve? "For Mother's Day, I used all my allowance that I'd been saving to take my mother to Kansas City. We got our nails done and had lunch at ""Skies,"" a restaurant at the top of a building from where you can see the whole city. It was the last outing we took together. She died the following year." -"For Mother's Day, I used all my allowance that I'd been saving to take my mother to Kansas City. We got our nails done and had lunch at ""Skies,"" a restaurant at the top of a building from where you can see the whole city. It was the last outing we took together. She died the following year." Wow... You just gave me goosebumps, you know that? You make it all sound so real. Great improv... -Wow... You just gave me goosebumps, you know that? You make it all sound so real. Great improv... I just want everything to be perfect between us. -I just want everything to be perfect between us. I know. Listen, we need to take a time out here. Can we talk seriously for a minute? -I know. Listen, we need to take a time out here. Can we talk seriously for a minute? Of course. -Of course. At last! I know how much you want this. You're gifted and extremely determined, but... it's not up to me. -At last! I know how much you want this. You're gifted and extremely determined, but... it's not up to me. I know. It's up to us. -I don't think your friend likes me. She's a little jealous, I think. And confused when it comes to men... So where are we going? -She's a little jealous, I think. And confused when it comes to men... So where are we going? Well, first I thought Patina, and then the Ivy, but then I thought of somewhere a little more romantic. Like my place. -You never mentioned a 'Stella' to me. Didn't I? -Didn't I? No, I would have remembered that name. The only Stella I ever knew was a parrot. Was this before Leslie? Before us?... -I've never met anyone like you, Betty. I know, that's why we were meant to be together... -I know, that's why we were meant to be together... No, I mean your dedication scares me... -No, I mean your dedication scares me... It's easy to be dedicated, when you care about something... -It's easy to be dedicated, when you care about something... "Yeah, I felt that way, too, when I first started, but now... the hours, the repetition... it's not all glamour and mall openings anymore. Maybe I should've listened to my people and tried to make the crossover to nights earlier, I don't know... ...I just hope it's not too late for me. God! Listen to me, ""Me, me, me."" It's so easy to get caught up in the whole ego cycle of this business and make it all about yourself. Stop, right? That's it, no more about me tonight, I promise... Let's talk about you... what do you think about me? I'm kidding... Seriously, Betty, I'm doing all the talking here..." -"Yeah, I felt that way, too, when I first started, but now... the hours, the repetition... it's not all glamour and mall openings anymore. Maybe I should've listened to my people and tried to make the crossover to nights earlier, I don't know... ...I just hope it's not too late for me. God! Listen to me, ""Me, me, me."" It's so easy to get caught up in the whole ego cycle of this business and make it all about yourself. Stop, right? That's it, no more about me tonight, I promise... Let's talk about you... what do you think about me? I'm kidding... Seriously, Betty, I'm doing all the talking here..." ...but I love listening to you, so that's okay... -...but I love listening to you, so that's okay... Thanks. But I'd like to hear what you're feeling... -Thanks. But I'd like to hear what you're feeling... Well, I just feel that life'll be much sweeter for you now with me around. I promise... -Well, I just feel that life'll be much sweeter for you now with me around. I promise... You know, I almost believe that... you're like a warm breeze that's suddenly blown into my life... I said that to Leslie, once, at her funeral, remember?... -You know, I almost believe that... you're like a warm breeze that's suddenly blown into my life... I said that to Leslie, once, at her funeral, remember?... I remember. You said it to her, but it was meant for me, wasn't it? -I remember. You said it to her, but it was meant for me, wasn't it? Yes... maybe it was. -Your lines are in the script, but you can ad lib. Ad lib? -Ad lib? In fact, I want you to ad lib, that's the magic I'm after. I wanna give a whole new feel to the show. -David, I don't... Can we talk privately for a second? Stop calling me David. We're on set, for Christ's sake, you don't have to call me David here. -Why are you doing this to me? Why am I doing this to you? Isn't this what you wanted? -Well, I don't know what you had in mind, but I hope you're happy. I put myself on the line for you, my reputation, and you're making me look like an idiot. What do you mean? What did I do to you... -What do you mean? What did I do to you... Who put you up to this? Did my ex- wife ask you to...? -Who put you up to this? Did my ex- wife ask you to...? David, please -- -David, please -- STOP CALLING ME THAT! MY NAME IS NOT DAVID, AND IF YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, YOU'RE MORE FUCKED UP THAN I THOUGHT YOU WERE! -I'm sorry... Oh my gosh, are you George McCord?! ...What? What did you call me? George... McCord. You're my favorite actor on... -But I'm David... I mean, I'm not David, but she thinks I am! You heard her... Stop staring at me... I'm not crazy, she is! Why are you screaming at me? I mean, what am I... why am I here? I don't... -Why are you screaming at me? I mean, what am I... why am I here? I don't... You're doing this now? After all the... are you sick? Are you going to kill me now? -You're doing this now? After all the... are you sick? Are you going to kill me now? No, I... I'll leave. Forgive me if I caused you all any trouble... I just, I don't know how I... ...I'm sorry. -Oh. Of course... sorry. My treat. You were saying... something about how stupid you've been? -My treat. You were saying... something about how stupid you've been? Right... I was. I was an idiot, plain and simple, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. How's that? -Right... I was. I was an idiot, plain and simple, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. How's that? Kinda like you'd been saying it since you got on the plane... -Kinda like you'd been saying it since you got on the plane... I have... did it sound that bad? -I have... did it sound that bad? Mmm-hmm. Listen, I forgive you, Mr. McCord... -Mmm-hmm. Listen, I forgive you, Mr. McCord... George... -George... ...George. I do. My best friend once said if you were any handsomer it would be a crime... -...George. I do. My best friend once said if you were any handsomer it would be a crime... Thanks... -Thanks... ...it's too bad you're such an asshole. 'S the only thing that Del was ever right about. -So, call me when you -- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on a second there, baby. Why do you need one of the new Buicks? -Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on a second there, baby. Why do you need one of the new Buicks? Oh, you're there. You sound out of breath. -Oh, you're there. You sound out of breath. I ran back in to get the phone. -I don't need one, but it's kind of a special night, and -- What's so special about it? -What was that? Nothing... it's, ahh, busy here. Look, you don't need a LeSabre to go out with Sue Ann. Take the blue Corsica. I'll see you when I get home. -Sure you don't want any salad? No, I do not want any goddamn... what was all that shit on the phone about the new Buicks? -No, I do not want any goddamn... what was all that shit on the phone about the new Buicks? I told you. Sue Ann was gonna take me out tonight, but... -I told you. Sue Ann was gonna take me out tonight, but... She's not comfortable in a Corsica? 'S got air and leather... -She's not comfortable in a Corsica? 'S got air and leather... I took the blue Corsica, Del. Relax. -I took the blue Corsica, Del. Relax. All right, then. Actually, I'm glad you're going out. I got something going on tonight. Some serious clients, with real potential. -...like the water purifiers? What? -What? Or the vitamins? Or the...? -Hey, the FDA screwed me on that when they changed the law, and you know it! Anyway, 'least I try shit, still got some dreams left... you're a goddamn waitress, what do you got? I got you, Del... -I got you, Del... ...well, then you ain't got much. -...well, then you ain't got much. Oh, I know. So, who're these clients? -Oh, I know. So, who're these clients? Couple 'a guys in from outta town. They want to see the new LeSabres. -And I don't need Sue Ann's fat ass around to fuck it up... Just knock it off, 'kay? Anyhow, they're 97's, they're not even new. -Just knock it off, 'kay? Anyhow, they're 97's, they're not even new. They're new to us... -It's people with no lives watching other people's fake lives. Yeah, I guess there's nothing like watching those tenpins fall, huh, Del? -Yeah, I guess there's nothing like watching those tenpins fall, huh, Del? That is a skill! -Well, are you gonna answer me? What'd you come here for? I came for love... -I came for love... You're not on that soap opera thing again, are you? 'Cause you know what that is? -You're not on that soap opera thing again, are you? 'Cause you know what that is? It's people with no lives watching other people's fake lives. -It's people with no lives watching other people's fake lives. That's right. So, if you know it, why are you in trouble? -That's right. So, if you know it, why are you in trouble? I don't know. -I don't know. You sure don't. Who do you think you are coming to Hollywood, anyway? You should remember where you came from. And who you really are. -Hi, Betty. You're looking good... Thanks, Roy, you're sweet... a big liar, but sweet. I liked your editorial this morning... -Thanks, Roy, you're sweet... a big liar, but sweet. I liked your editorial this morning... Oh, appreciate it. I was trying to, ahh, give a sense of history to... -Hey, Betty. Are you okay? I'm great, good, content. What happened to your arm, Roy? -I'm great, good, content. What happened to your arm, Roy? Oh, nothing, it's fine. I just need to keep it wrapped for a few... -Oh, nothing, it's fine. I just need to keep it wrapped for a few... Make sure it's elevated... -Make sure it's elevated... Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. You want me to make you a sling? It's no problem... -What're you doing here, Roy? Well, I was worried about you and I wanted to make sure you were alright... and I guess I was sort of hoping I could ask you about what happened... -Well, I was worried about you and I wanted to make sure you were alright... and I guess I was sort of hoping I could ask you about what happened... Oh, that... Sure, I saw the whole thing. It was disgusting! -Oh, that... Sure, I saw the whole thing. It was disgusting! My God... did you get a look at who did it? -My God... did you get a look at who did it? Yes. -Yes. You did? Was it anyone that you...? -You did? Was it anyone that you...? It was Chloe... -Betty! Boy, am I glad to see you! Roy! What are you doing here? -Roy! What are you doing here? You're in serious danger! -You're in serious danger! Ahh, look, right now's not very... -Ahh, look, right now's not very... I woulda' been here sooner, but Ballard put me in jail. He still thinks you had Del scalped. -Have you checked the trunk of that car you're driving, Betty? I think there might be... It's not really a good time, guys... -What's the matter here? I begged him to let me put that on! -I begged him to let me put that on! He's a prick. Merle?... You're a prick. -"So you're into ""Reason,"" too? Finally, someone civilized! I'm Ellen, what can I get you?" Hi, I'm Betty. I'll take a Miller, if you got it... -Shut up, Merle... Williams. Williams, Arizona. About halfway there, I guess. -If that little weasel ever walked in here I wouldn't serve him. I'd slap his face. -I'd slap his face. I'd kick him in the nuts, if I thought he had any. -Where you headed, Betty? Los Angeles, California. -Los Angeles, California. And you called your friend, and she's telling you not to go? When I went to Europe my friends told me I was crazy. -And you called your friend, and she's telling you not to go? When I went to Europe my friends told me I was crazy. Europe? The Europe? This is my first time out of Kansas. -Europe? The Europe? This is my first time out of Kansas. "I should call you Dorothy. When I left here I went straight to Italy. Everybody told me not to go. But I wanted to go to Rome ever since I saw Audrey Hepburn in ""Roman Holiday,"" and goddamnit, I went." -"I should call you Dorothy. When I left here I went straight to Italy. Everybody told me not to go. But I wanted to go to Rome ever since I saw Audrey Hepburn in ""Roman Holiday,"" and goddamnit, I went." Did you love it? -Did you love it? Sure I loved it! It was great. -Let me tell you something. I got groped by these Tunisian guys who thought I was a slut for wearing shorts, it was hotter than stink the whole time, and I got some kind of weird gum disease from the water. Plus, it ended my marriage -- That's horrible! -That's horrible! No, he was a toad. Even more of a toad than Merle... I just wear the ring to keep the flies away. Rome was the best thing I ever did, because I DID IT! And I swear to you, it changed me. I've been to Rome, Italy! I sat every morning at the Cafe Sistina and had my cappuccino, and watched the pilgrims walk to mass, and no one can ever take that away from me. -I left my husband two days ago. Really? -Really? I'm getting back with my ex-fianc. He proposed to me right around here, so I guess this is just sort of a sentimental stop... -I'm getting back with my ex-fianc. He proposed to me right around here, so I guess this is just sort of a sentimental stop... Wait, I thought you said you'd never been outta Kansas... -Wait, I thought you said you'd never been outta Kansas... Oh. I mean, except for that. Yep. I'm trading in a car dealer for a heart specialist, so that's pretty good... -Oh. I mean, except for that. Yep. I'm trading in a car dealer for a heart specialist, so that's pretty good... Nice move. Cedars Sinai? -Nice move. Cedars Sinai? No. Loma Vista. -No. Loma Vista. I s'pose his name's David Ravell. -I s'pose his name's David Ravell. How did you know? -How did you know? What's his real name? -What's his real name? Dr. David Ravell. -Dr. David Ravell. You mean... George McCord, the actor? -You mean... George McCord, the actor? No, I mean David Ravell. He's a surgeon. -Piss off, Merle. So how you gonna find him, Betty? I'll go to the Hospital. -I'll go to the Hospital. What if you can't find him? What if you get out there, and nothing's the way you thought it was gonna be? -What if you can't find him? What if you get out there, and nothing's the way you thought it was gonna be? Like Rome? -Like Rome? Worse. -Worse. You made out alright. -You made out alright. Yeah, but at least I knew Rome was gonna be there when I arrived... -Ellen, this is the biggest thing I've ever done, but I've gotta do it. You take care of yourself then, Betty, and don't let anybody stop you... -You take care of yourself then, Betty, and don't let anybody stop you... To tell you the truth, I can't believe I've made it this far. It may not be Europe, but I just know there's something special out there for me... -I can't believe I remembered that, although I suppose I should. I wrote it... But that was seven years ago, and you're quoting it verbatim. I'm flattered... I think. Or frightened. What's your name? Betty Sizemore. What do you mean you wrote it? -Betty Sizemore. What do you mean you wrote it? I'm Lyla Branch. I'm the Producer. -Well, David moved out here and started his residency. Then he met Leslie -- No, no, no. We know all that. What happened with you? -No, no, no. We know all that. What happened with you? I married a car salesman. -She called you 'George,' George. ...did I win some contest? -What are you doing? He has no heartbeat! -He has no heartbeat! You're hurting him!! -You're hurting him!! I'm massaging his heart. I saw it done once. -I'm massaging his heart. I saw it done once. ARE YOU CRAZY?!! STOP IT!!! -ARE YOU CRAZY?!! STOP IT!!! LISTEN TO ME! IF I DON'T DO THIS, HE'S DEAD! -You don't sound like you're from here. I'm not. I just drove in from Kansas. -I'm not. I just drove in from Kansas. So why'd you come to L.A.? -So why'd you come to L.A.? I came for love. My fiancé is here. -It's something I had to do. For David. 'David.' That's your guy. So, you staying with him? -No... I don't really know where he is yet. I'm at a hotel around the corner. Man, that is love. -You can go get your stuff right now. I'll walk you down. No, that's not, I couldn't... -No, that's not, I couldn't... Listen, when someone does the kind of thing you did, you gotta do something in return. So, you stay with me until you find your David and live happily ever after. Okay? -I got this apartment with a guy. The one you were telling me about? -The one you were telling me about? No, this one was worse... I had to have the place sprayed when he left. Twice... He was two guys before the last one -- not counting a little office thing in there, which I'm trusting you with, 'cause if it gets out, I'm on the street... -It's lovely... I really like your aquarium. Yeah, well, at least fish don't use your razor or pee on the seat... -Yeah, well, at least fish don't use your razor or pee on the seat... Hmmm. Sounds like you've had a pretty tough go of it with men... -Hmmm. Sounds like you've had a pretty tough go of it with men... Oh, I dunno... but just once I wish I'd run into a guy who noticed the Koi before my tits. -Hey, Rosa... it's Betty. How do you get to this town called 'Tustin?' It's in Orange County... Tustin? Take the Hollywood Freeway to the Five... -Tustin? Take the Hollywood Freeway to the Five... The Five? -The Five? Just look for the really crowded road and follow that. -Just look for the really crowded road and follow that. Okay... oh, umm, would you mind if I borrowed some clothes? -Okay... oh, umm, would you mind if I borrowed some clothes? Huh? Sure, look in my closet, take any dress you want! We're still on for tonight, right? -You made it! Hey, that looks great on you. 'S classy... So, how'd it go today? You find him? Ummm... no, no. Different 'Ravell.' -You know, the more I think about it, this really isn't David's kind of place. What are you talking about? This bar is packed with professional people! Everybody says if you're going to get married, this is the spot to meet someone... Luckily, I'm currently off men, so I've got the luxury of not giving a shit. -What are you talking about? This bar is packed with professional people! Everybody says if you're going to get married, this is the spot to meet someone... Luckily, I'm currently off men, so I've got the luxury of not giving a shit. I know what you mean, I recently had some trouble with a man, a different man... and David's still getting over Leslie. His wife. -I know what you mean, I recently had some trouble with a man, a different man... and David's still getting over Leslie. His wife. He has a wife?! -He has a wife?! Had. She died in a car accident last year. She was decapitated. -Had. She died in a car accident last year. She was decapitated. God, that's awful! -God, that's awful! It may not have been an accident. They never did find her head... -It may not have been an accident. They never did find her head... Her 'head'?! You're making this up... -Her 'head'?! You're making this up... No, no! Well, see, she was having an affair with a Russian diplomat who I believe was mixed up with the Mafia... -No, no! Well, see, she was having an affair with a Russian diplomat who I believe was mixed up with the Mafia... Jesus, I thought my love life was crazy... -...so, we'll hit the library first and fan out from there. They've got all the L.A. phone books, plus medical directories... We're not gonna let him hide from you any more, okay? I'm making this my personal mission. David isn't hiding from me, I left him standing at the altar six years ago and now I'm... -David isn't hiding from me, I left him standing at the altar six years ago and now I'm... Fuck the details, they're always to blame... Look, too many of these guys duck out on us, especially after they become doctors or lawyers. I see it at my company all day long! So I'm just gonna make sure you get your, you know, fairy tale ending or whatever... One of us should. -Fuck the details, they're always to blame... Look, too many of these guys duck out on us, especially after they become doctors or lawyers. I see it at my company all day long! So I'm just gonna make sure you get your, you know, fairy tale ending or whatever... One of us should. Rosa, I can't believe you're doing all this for me... thank you. -"Hey, how 'bout a card for me? What is that? ""Please call if you have any information on David Ravell."" This is my phone number! How many of these have you given out?" How many men have I talked to? -How many men have I talked to? Jesus! They're all gonna be calling me! -Jesus! They're all gonna be calling me! You said in L.A., anything goes. -You said in L.A., anything goes. I was talking about what you could wear! -Guess who I saw today. Who? -Who? Doctor David Ravell. -Doctor David Ravell. What? Where was he?! -What? Where was he?! ON TELEVISION!! Cut the shit, will you! -Either you're making a fool out of me because you get off on it, or you got serious problems. Which one is it?! I have no idea what you're talking about. -I have no idea what you're talking about. I'M TALKING ABOUT DAVID RAVELL!! -I'M TALKING ABOUT DAVID RAVELL!! Shhh! I heard you the first time. -Shhh! I heard you the first time. I spent my weekend looking for someone who does -- not -- exist. I should have been here at the hospital with my brother, but I was with you. -I spent my weekend looking for someone who does -- not -- exist. I should have been here at the hospital with my brother, but I was with you. If you didn't want to do it, you should have said so! Is this about gas money? -If you didn't want to do it, you should have said so! Is this about gas money? IT'S NOT ABOUT GAS MONEY!! You have a thing for an actor on a stupid white soap opera, and we searched all over town for his character! Not the actor -- whose name is George, by the way. His character! -Why'd you help me in the first place? I helped you because I'm an idiot! Ask my mother, I love it when people take advantage of me! I TRUSTED YOU!! I THOUGHT HE WAS REAL! -I helped you because I'm an idiot! Ask my mother, I love it when people take advantage of me! I TRUSTED YOU!! I THOUGHT HE WAS REAL! HE IS REAL!! -I'm not going back on our arrangement. My word is good, and my family owes you. But I think it's best for both of us if you get your own place as soon as you can. Fine. -Don't worry, I'm looking... just taking a tiny break. This is crazy. I come home, you go to your room. You go in the kitchen, I go to my room. It's stupid. -So what do you say? Can we be friends? ...okay. -What are those for? Oh, it's a charity dinner. The money goes to a good cause, but I don't have anybody to go with... -Oh, it's a charity dinner. The money goes to a good cause, but I don't have anybody to go with... Umm... -Looking for someone? You never know who you'll see. -Were you with him this whole time? Oh, God! You scared me! Yes... -Oh, God! You scared me! Yes... You still in love? -Does he know you think he's real? He is real. -He is real. Uh-huh... So, what'd you talk about? -Uh-huh... So, what'd you talk about? Oh, my gosh, everything! My trip out here, what we've both been doing, you know... -Oh, my gosh, everything! My trip out here, what we've both been doing, you know... No, I'm not sure I could begin to imagine... So, where'd you go? -No, I'm not sure I could begin to imagine... So, where'd you go? To a party in the Hollywood Hills. -To a party in the Hollywood Hills. Was it a huge place? With a view of the whole world? -Was it a huge place? With a view of the whole world? Yes. I'd never been in a place like that before. -Yes. I'd never been in a place like that before. I have, lots of times. My mother used to clean them. I used to piss in their pools. -This isn't fair, you know. Do you always get what you want? No, almost never. -No, almost never. But, you're in love with someone who doesn't exist. You come here, you meet this guy, who should laugh in your face, and instead you leave with him! Betty, you are one-of-a-kind... -Are you sure I can borrow this? No, please. Go ahead, it's your funeral... -No, please. Go ahead, it's your funeral... Rosa... -Rosa... Well, what if this guy's just playing with you? What if he's lying about who he is? -Well, what if this guy's just playing with you? What if he's lying about who he is? You should have a little faith in people. -You should have a little faith in people. Does he ever talk about medicine? His patients, the hospital? -Does he ever talk about medicine? His patients, the hospital? "All the time. It's always ""Loma Vista"" this, ""Loma Vista"" that." -Rosa, so you've met David? Sure did! And a funny thing, Betty, he introduced himself to me as George! -Sure did! And a funny thing, Betty, he introduced himself to me as George! Oh, he does that. It's this silly game he plays. Half the people who know him call him George. -What are you doing? I'm going back to... I need to... I don't know. -...this is your sweater, right? Where are you going? -Where are you going? I have to leave now. -What? No, I'm not gonna let you just run out of here... You need to talk about what's going on... You think I'm crazy, Rosa, but you don't know the half of it. My husband was, ahh... -You think I'm crazy, Rosa, but you don't know the half of it. My husband was, ahh... Your husband?! -Your husband?! Yes, I had a husband and he was killed two weeks ago in my kitchen. I was right there... -What?! That you had something to do with it? I don't know. I'm just starting to remember it now. I don't... -I don't know. I'm just starting to remember it now. I don't... Yeah, but your running away isn't going to help you with all this... -Yeah, but your running away isn't going to help you with all this... There was blood everywhere, Rosa. I saw it, I think I watched the whole thing happen... Oh my God... -There was blood everywhere, Rosa. I saw it, I think I watched the whole thing happen... Oh my God... Okay, okay, look, ummm... Let's just talk a little first and you'll feel better, I promise. -These guys are here to help you, Betty. I don't think so. Rosa, I didn't kill Del... they did. -Blake, I can handle that transplant! We need someone with the right kind of experience, Lonnie. -We need someone with the right kind of experience, Lonnie. Even if he's falling asleep on his feet? -Even if he's falling asleep on his feet? Lonnie, it's a complex procedure. Why don't you observe? -Lonnie, it's a complex procedure. Why don't you observe? I'm not some snot-nosed resident fresh out of medical school, Blake. -I'm not some snot-nosed resident fresh out of medical school, Blake. No, you're not. You're a good doctor, Lonnie, but you're not David Ravell. I've made my decision. Now, if you'll excuse me... -What can I do for you, gentlemen? How do you do, Mr. McCord. We're trying to locate a deranged fan of yours,... a Ms. Betty... -How do you do, Mr. McCord. We're trying to locate a deranged fan of yours,... a Ms. Betty... Deranged. That would be the right word. -That won't be necessary. She's staying with a Rosa something... Hernandez, Herrera. I know it's an 'H' sound... in Silverlake. Thanks so much. You must get bothered by this kind of thing a lot. -Thanks so much. You must get bothered by this kind of thing a lot. More than you know. Is there anything else? -More than you know. Is there anything else? No, that should be more than -- -No, that should be more than -- Good. -What part of Dixie are you from, Duane? Georgia. In case I didn't tell you, it's cash only, gentlemen. -Here's Ghengis Kunt and The Demilitarized Zone. Get it? They're Korean, so they're pretty hot. You know, it's interesting. The South lost the Civil War, but they still seem to get all the glory. -You know, it's interesting. The South lost the Civil War, but they still seem to get all the glory. Huh? -Huh? Jeb Stuart, Stonewall Jackson, Jefferson Davis -- they're all losers in my book. -The fuck you talking about? Even Robert E. Lee was a loser. -Even Robert E. Lee was a loser. He goin' crazy on us, or what? -He goin' crazy on us, or what? Did you know the most brutal, inhumane prison of the entire war was in Georgia? -Did you know the most brutal, inhumane prison of the entire war was in Georgia? Really. And where was that, old man? -Really. And where was that, old man? Andersonville. They did horrible things to men there... -...you can have the best damn running backs in the world, somebody's still gotta block for 'em. You're a hundred percent right. They rely on what's-his-name's arm too much... -If you ate at the Tip Top you did. Oh, yes, with the coffee... -Oh, yes, with the coffee... Yep, Betty pours a pretty mean cup. -I like this. I like doing business in the home. It's cozy... Who's birthday? Ahh... my wife's. -All right gentlemen, let's get down to it. I need to know if you're for real. If we're for real? -If we're for real? You don't exactly look like drug dealers. -We appreciate that. But you just poured me a drink, I'd like to enjoy your hospitality for a few minutes. Fine. You got five... -Fine. You got five... It's a nice place you got here. Real comfortable. Sweet little town, Fair Oaks. You like it here? -It's a nice place you got here. Real comfortable. Sweet little town, Fair Oaks. You like it here? Are you kidding me? What's to like? -What do you mean? It's a small town, man. I never should have left Omaha. People here think small. They act small. They're a bunch of dumb fucks. -Could you give us an example? Of what? -Of what? I'm asking you for an example of one of these dumb fucks being a dumb fuck. -I'm asking you for an example of one of these dumb fucks being a dumb fuck. I don't follow... -I don't follow... You're not a dumb fuck, are you, Del? -You're not a dumb fuck, are you, Del? No... -No... I didn't think so. So, give me an example of a stupid person doing a stupid thing. Not being stupid, you're equipped to recognize it. -I didn't think so. So, give me an example of a stupid person doing a stupid thing. Not being stupid, you're equipped to recognize it. Are we gonna do business here, or not? -All right... lemme see... okay, new Burger King opens up. These assholes get excited and start lining up. Like it's some five star restaurant. The place is mobbed. Right? "Hmmmm. ""Five Stars,"" huh? Is that stupid, Wesley?" -"You did not just say ""Injuns,"" Del." The Indians, Injuns, whatever. They're always drunk and doing stupid things. -The Indians, Injuns, whatever. They're always drunk and doing stupid things. Like what? -Like what? Driving their cars into trees... puking on the sidewalk... stupid shit! -Driving their cars into trees... puking on the sidewalk... stupid shit! Let's see... around here that would be Kiowa, Kickapoo or Osage, if I'm not mistaken. -Let's see... around here that would be Kiowa, Kickapoo or Osage, if I'm not mistaken. I... I don't know... -I... I don't know... Well, my idea of stupid is very different from yours. So here's how this is gonna work. Would you take your socks off, please? -Well, my idea of stupid is very different from yours. So here's how this is gonna work. Would you take your socks off, please? My socks? -Oh, Jesus, please... Please, God. ...and put them in your mouth. -Bourbon, little water, thank you. Beer, please. -Hey... you got a fine one right here! Wesley... Your wife's a very lovely woman. Have I seen her before? -Relax, we brought the cash. I'm just curious. Can't you give me an example? -No, that's ignorant. They just don't know any better. That's what I thought. You better give me another example. -That's right. Stupid is trying to sell it to other people who are, by their very nature, untrustworthy. -Stupid is trying to sell it to other people who are, by their very nature, untrustworthy. That is so right. -That is so right. Stupid is calling people in Kansas City who are affiliated with the rightful owners of the thing you stole, and trying to sell it to them. Right Wesley? -Stupid is calling people in Kansas City who are affiliated with the rightful owners of the thing you stole, and trying to sell it to them. Right Wesley? Now, that's really stupid. -Now, that's really stupid. So you see, we have totally different ideas of what's stupid and what's not. Don't we? -You know, a hundred and fifty years ago you'd have been scalped for that remark about Native Americans. Right here where your house is -- you'd have been scalped. Hell of a way to die. -Hell of a way to die. It wasn't always fatal, Wesley. We could scalp Del right now, and he'd be plenty alive to tell us how it feels. -Hold still, Del, we're just talking here... Then you grab a big handful of hair and pull as you cut. It's amazing how easily the scalp comes off. A mark, huh? -I'm all for them owning casinos, getting rich off the white man's greed. It's a beautiful piece of irony, isn't it, Wesley? IT SURE IS!! -Are you out of your mind? You scalped him! You told me how to do it! -You told me how to do it! That was to get him to talk! Get rid of that thing, will you? -This is great -- just great! Now we don't know where the goddamn stuff is. He told us it's in the Buick. -He told us it's in the Buick. We don't know which Buick, do we? -We don't know which Buick, do we? Well, why'd you shoot him? -Well, why'd you shoot him? I had to shoot him! It was the only decent thing to do. -I still don't understand how you knew Del was telling the truth. I saw his soul Wesley. He was face to face with his God, and no one lies in that situation. But your Geronimo act rattled me, and I abandoned my instincts. Never abandon you instincts. -I saw his soul Wesley. He was face to face with his God, and no one lies in that situation. But your Geronimo act rattled me, and I abandoned my instincts. Never abandon you instincts. I didn't. You gave me a look! -I didn't. You gave me a look! What 'look'? -What 'look'? That one look you got! I thought you were done, so I took him out... -That one look you got! I thought you were done, so I took him out... I wasn't done, I was just sick of hearing him whine. And you didn't take him out, you scalped him. Christ, I almost puked, did I tell you that? -I wasn't done, I was just sick of hearing him whine. And you didn't take him out, you scalped him. Christ, I almost puked, did I tell you that? Well, why'd you have to tell that Indian story? -Well, why'd you have to tell that Indian story? What the hell does that mean? If I'd told a Ty Cobb story would you have clubbed him to death with a bat? -It's not here. Let's go. You just gonna leave these cars sitting here like this? -You just gonna leave these cars sitting here like this? Why not, it'll confuse 'em... gotta do something, now that you fucked it up. -Why not, it'll confuse 'em... gotta do something, now that you fucked it up. I wanted to make a statement. -I wanted to make a statement. Let me tell you something. In our business you can't put food on the table if your phone doesn't ring. The guys who get the calls are good -- not flashy, just good. They get in, they get out. Nobody knows a goddamn thing. Understand? Boom, boom, boom. Three in the head and you know they're dead. -Let me tell you something. In our business you can't put food on the table if your phone doesn't ring. The guys who get the calls are good -- not flashy, just good. They get in, they get out. Nobody knows a goddamn thing. Understand? Boom, boom, boom. Three in the head and you know they're dead. ...that's a good motto. -...that's a good motto. Fine, I'll get you a bumpersticker, but you better start believing it! It's the only statement you need to make. -Mmmm. Well, it was a piece of luck running into you, Duane. I thought I was gonna have to take Wesley out and hose him down. All he talks about is those Japanese gals. I like 'em small. When you're inside a little Asian chick, it's like your dick is the axle that holds her body together. -We can live with that. I'm a Yankee, myself. Massachusetts. -Del's dead, by the way. I sent him to the Great Beyond. Actually, I scalped him, and then you killed him. -He's telling the truth. He doesn't know. Should I kill him now? -Should I kill him now? Wait. Any last words, General Lee? -What the hell was that, another statement? Well, no one ever spit in my face before. Especially some cracker fuck. -Well, no one ever spit in my face before. Especially some cracker fuck. You have to rise above it. The professionals rise above that kind of thing... -So how do we know that car's still in Fair Oaks? We don't. But a '97 Le Sabre'll be easy to find if it's here, town this size... He said he gave his wife some car as a gift, remember? -Maybe you don't appreciate the gravity of this situation. It's bad enough that we don't have what we came here for. It's worse that we don't know where it is. And now this. This was supposed to be my last job. I already put the deposit down on my boat. How can you eat at a time like this? I get nauseous just watching you... I can eat because I know we didn't kidnap that woman. I can eat because they aren't looking for us. And I can eat 'cause I'm fucking hungry... ...relax. She's gonna end up on a milk carton and that's about it. -I can eat because I know we didn't kidnap that woman. I can eat because they aren't looking for us. And I can eat 'cause I'm fucking hungry... ...relax. She's gonna end up on a milk carton and that's about it. I hope you're right... -I hope you're right... ...I know I am. Let's just do what we gotta do here, and get the fuck gone. -So she gets rid of the asshole and is set for life in the same day. You think so? Joyce says she's timid. -You think so? Joyce says she's timid. Joyce was screwing Del. -Joyce was screwing Del. ...among others. -...among others. I'd say that about torches her credibility, wouldn't you? -I'd say that about torches her credibility, wouldn't you? Yeah, well, if the wife's trying to sell it she'll fuck up. She's an amateur, just like Del was. -No, I see Betty as a Midwestern Stoic type. Ice water in her veins. A clear thinker. Probably a Swede or a Finn. A 'Finn?' What is a Finn? -A 'Finn?' What is a Finn? You should read more. Listen to me. I think this woman was waiting for a chance to do this, and we gave it to her. She kept to herself for years, living with a pompous asshole. Then she sees her opportunity, and BOOM! -- she leaves that little mudpatch in the dust. These heartlanders can't figure it out, 'cause that's not their sweet little Betty. Hah! We've been tracking her for, what, three days and I already understand her better'n most the people in that shitty little burg. -Betty, Betty, Betty... So what the fuck's a Finn? -So what the fuck's a Finn? Oh, for Chrissakes. It just means the kind of person who can eat shit for a long time without complaining, then cut their momma's throat and go dancing the same night. -Oh, for Chrissakes. It just means the kind of person who can eat shit for a long time without complaining, then cut their momma's throat and go dancing the same night. Like... us? -Like... us? No,... like a worthy adversary, Wesley. Like a very worthy adversary. -Wise beyond her years, I'm sure, and such poise, too. Very, very impressive... Well, then, did you ever get any indication that she wanted to leave her husband? -Thas' it, thas' it... conquer that bitch. What time're they coming? It's not an exact science, Wesley. He said they'll be here... My Houston contact has always been very reliable. -It's not an exact science, Wesley. He said they'll be here... My Houston contact has always been very reliable. And then we're gonna do her right here. Right? -And then we're gonna do her right here. Right? "You're always so coarse... ""Do her right here."" Let's just see what happens, okay? ""I wish that I could find a way; To speak my thoughts on Mother's Day. There are no words that quite express; My gratitude or happiness. A pleasant smile perhaps a kiss; I would not fail to give her this. I'd make her glad the whole day through; By sayin' 'Mother', I love you!' P.S. I wish I could say this to my mother's face, but I can't anymore.""" -Let's get out of here. We got another long drive ahead of us. ...the fuck where I do not know, but I know it's gonna be long. Betty would never dress like that. She's not some trailer park slut! -Okay, thank you, goodbye... Keep in touch... ...She's got class, and poise. Lots of poise... -They said find it. Find her, find it. Finish the job you were paid to do. Half. -Half. What? -What? They paid us half. They still owe us half... -They paid us half. They still owe us half... "There it is again. That lousy attitude that got us here in the first place. That ""make a statement,"" do an end zone dance, shake your ass and sue everybody in sight attitude that's dragging this whole country down the drain. They don't owe us shit, Wesley! WHEN YOU FINISH THE JOB, YOU GET PAID!! WE HAVEN'T FINISHED THE GODDAMN JOB!!" -That woman could be in any one of four states. Four big states where the deer and the antelope play, Wesley! We're not in Rhode Island! I know that. -I know that. AND TURN THAT FUCKING MUSIC OFF! -Do I deserve this? In the twilight of my career, do I deserve this? I don't think so! I've always tried to do what's right. I never took out anybody who didn't have it coming. I'm a professional! AND WHERE THE FUCK AM I? I'M IN PURGATORY! Worse... you're in Texas. -Worse... you're in Texas. Well, I should be in FLORIDA now! If Carl hadn't gone in to get those stones removed, you wouldn't be here and I'd be on my way to the Keys. On my boat, RELAXING WITH A GLASS OF PORT!! Re-ti red! -You don't look comfortable here. That's 'cause you don't like being the center of attention, do you? Nah. You're like me. What the hell's the matter with you? -That was a really shitty thing to do. I'm sick of looking at her mother- fucking face. -What? What does she represent?! What could some cornbread white bitch from Kansas who's dragging our sorry asses up and down the Louisiana Purchase possibly mean to you?!! I'd just love to know... I dunno... something. Why is she doing this to me? Why?... -I dunno... something. Why is she doing this to me? Why?... I don't know, but when we find her she's gonna die for it. -How'd they describe her? You know, blonde, thin, whatever... -You know, blonde, thin, whatever... Not so fast! Slower... 'blonde, thin', yes... Did they say she had style? A kind of grace or anything? -We should go. We don't have time to look at a hole in the ground. We can make Vegas in four hours. This one's got to be her. -We don't have time to look at a hole in the ground. We can make Vegas in four hours. This one's got to be her. It's a very moving experience, trust me. -It's a very moving experience, trust me. No. -No. One of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World. -One of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World. No... be dark before we get there. You wanna see the Grand Canyon at night? -No... be dark before we get there. You wanna see the Grand Canyon at night? What difference does it make? She wasn't in Kansas City, or Houston, or Dallas. We went to every goddamn place Del mentioned and no Betty. So what the hell makes you think she's in Vegas? You think she's waiting for us with tassles on her titties? Vegas is too crass for Betty. -What difference does it make? She wasn't in Kansas City, or Houston, or Dallas. We went to every goddamn place Del mentioned and no Betty. So what the hell makes you think she's in Vegas? You think she's waiting for us with tassles on her titties? Vegas is too crass for Betty. I said, 'No.' N-O. -"""When I grow up I'm going to become a nurse or a veterinarian. I always want to help people and value all life, be it animal, plant or mineral..."" Does that sound like a goddamn showgirl to you?" Do you hear yourself right now...? Like a fucking madman... -Every American should see the Grand Canyon. Are you an American? Yes, I am and we're not going. Act professional. -Well, guess what? I found Betty... where she's been, anyway. Where? Where is she? -Where? Where is she? I'm not telling. -I'm not telling. What? -What? I'm not telling 'til you straighten up. You been acting like fucking Jerry Lewis on me and this shit's gotta stop or you can forget about your Betty... I mean it. -This doesn't look like the kind of place Betty would go to. Maybe she had to use the bathroom. She pees, doesn't she?!... -So you believed the bartender. Why? Well... I think I saw her soul. -Well... I think I saw her soul. That's good. You're learning. But let me tell you why I know she was lying. First off, Betty would never fall for a soap star. It's beneath her. -That's good. You're learning. But let me tell you why I know she was lying. First off, Betty would never fall for a soap star. It's beneath her. I dunno, that lady sounded pretty sure... -I dunno, that lady sounded pretty sure... No, no, Betty came here strictly for business, 'cause it's the biggest market for what she's selling. I should have known it all along. I'm kicking myself as I shave here. So, first thing we... -No, no, Betty came here strictly for business, 'cause it's the biggest market for what she's selling. I should have known it all along. I'm kicking myself as I shave here. So, first thing we... Wait, wait, wait a minute... that doesn't make sense. -Wait, wait, wait a minute... that doesn't make sense. What doesn't? -What doesn't? You gimme this bullshit Psychic Friends theory, you believe that dumbshit trucker, you believe this woman... -You gimme this bullshit Psychic Friends theory, you believe that dumbshit trucker, you believe this woman... I never said that I believed... -I never said that I believed... No, you believed her, we drove all the way to L.A. so that means you trusted her that much... so why's the rest of her story suddenly so kooky? Huh? -No, you believed her, we drove all the way to L.A. so that means you trusted her that much... so why's the rest of her story suddenly so kooky? Huh? 'Cause I just don't buy it. Call it instinct. Call it 35 years of professional know-how... -'Cause I just don't buy it. Call it instinct. Call it 35 years of professional know-how... I call it 'nutty' as my shit after I eat Almond Roca... -I call it 'nutty' as my shit after I eat Almond Roca... You need to remember who you're talking to... -You need to remember who you're talking to... I need to get my goddamn head examined. You can't rule something out on a whim. Or because she's cute. I've been following your whims all across the U.S. of A. and now I'm tired! Me! -I need to get my goddamn head examined. You can't rule something out on a whim. Or because she's cute. I've been following your whims all across the U.S. of A. and now I'm tired! Me! Wesley... -Wesley... """It's beneath her..."" She's a mother fucking housewife... nothing's beneath her!" -Who's this? A doctor on the show... why? -What in the... What the hell is this? You've been holding out on me. All this fucking time! It just didn't fit her profile... -It just didn't fit her profile... Fuck the profile! That's the same guy!! -Fuck the profile! That's the same guy!! She can't be here because of a... a soap opera. Not a soap opera. That'd make her... -She can't be here because of a... a soap opera. Not a soap opera. That'd make her... ...crazy! No shit, Shaft!! And you ain't far behind... -...crazy! No shit, Shaft!! And you ain't far behind... ...but she's, no, Betty's smarter than that. She wouldn't be here for a... -...but she's, no, Betty's smarter than that. She wouldn't be here for a... I do not know how the fuck you lasted an hour in this job! Dragging our asses around with the answer to our prayers in your motherfucking jacket... a picture of that cunt right next to the... -Don't Don't you talk about Betty like that. I don't care who she ends up being, you never use that word again. Got it? Man, you have got to get some therapy. -Man, you have got to get some therapy. I said 'got it?' -I said 'got it?' ...yeah, I got it. Come on, you're stretching out my vest... -...yeah, I got it. Come on, you're stretching out my vest... You made your point... I was wrong. -You were right. Del wasn't lying. Well, you were right about what that bartender said. -What do your instincts tell you to do now, kid? Leave. Take this shit back to Detroit and get the rest of our money. -Leave. Take this shit back to Detroit and get the rest of our money. We could do that. I could be on my way to Florida, and you could go to Thailand and fuck your brains out. -We could do that. I could be on my way to Florida, and you could go to Thailand and fuck your brains out. ...but that's not what we're gonna do, is it? -...but that's not what we're gonna do, is it? No... if we don't finish this job, how are we gonna look at ourselves in the mirror? This is it for me, Wesley, she's the last one. My instinct says I gotta see this through with her, and if there's one thing I've tried to teach you here -- -No... if we don't finish this job, how are we gonna look at ourselves in the mirror? This is it for me, Wesley, she's the last one. My instinct says I gotta see this through with her, and if there's one thing I've tried to teach you here -- It's to follow my instincts. And my instincts say get the fuck out of Dodge. -It's to follow my instincts. And my instincts say get the fuck out of Dodge. No, I said to follow 'my' instincts. Now, we go up there and conclude our business. Case closed. -Not her mouth... I've spent many long hours in a car with your face staring back at me. I've seen it painted on the horizon. What's wrong with you? -This is Betty at twelve. Very graceful. Perfect form. -Very graceful. Perfect form. Betty was a lovely child. -I don't like talking bad about the dead, but now that he's gone I can tell you she put up with things in that marriage I wouldn't have. And yes, she, of all people, was the one who defended him. And that's why what that sheriff said makes me so angry. What do you mean? -What do you mean? If anyone had paid to have that husband of hers killed, it would have been me. -If anyone had paid to have that husband of hers killed, it would have been me. Mrs. Blaine? I can tell you right now, without a doubt, that your granddaughter is alive, and did not kill Del Sizemore. -...and how long did she work here? Oh, five years, give or take. -Oh, five years, give or take. Hmm... you two in high school together? -Hmm... you two in high school together? Aren't you a sweetheart... no, not quite. Anyway, she's been with us awhile. -Aren't you a sweetheart... no, not quite. Anyway, she's been with us awhile. But she wanted more out of life, right? -But she wanted more out of life, right? No... she just wanted something outta life. Anything. And with Del, she wasn't getting nothing. That's her husband, Del. I'm sorry about what happened and all, but that's the way I feel about all of this... -No... she just wanted something outta life. Anything. And with Del, she wasn't getting nothing. That's her husband, Del. I'm sorry about what happened and all, but that's the way I feel about all of this... I see. May I? -I see. May I? If it helps bring her back, be my guest... -If it helps bring her back, be my guest... Thank you for your cooperation. Just one more thing... did she ever talk about getting rich? -Thank you for your cooperation. Just one more thing... did she ever talk about getting rich? ...who doesn't? -What'd you get her? Huh? Oh, umm, a car. So, to a successful transaction... -Isn't that the point? Yeah, well, I don't have time to screw around. I got buyers in Dallas, Houston and Vegas who are ready to snap this stuff up. -Seems like a nice place. It is, if you like idiots... -Really? You better believe it. -Jesus Christ! He's waiting... -He's waiting... Okay, uh... the, umm, Injuns're stupid. -Okay, uh... the, umm, Injuns're stupid. """Injuns?""" -Alright, I admit it, you had me there. You're better than most of them, anyway... do you have a headshot? No, wait... what happened next, Betty? -No, wait... what happened next, Betty? "Are you sure you want to encourage this? No, you're right, let's have some fun. So, what did happened next, ""Betty""?" -Funny, that's just what I was thinking... I can't tell you how much it hurts me to hear that you married him. -Right, uhh... I feel terrible about this, we have a prior engagement at another party. But... I'd be honored if you'd come. Yeah, bring your friend along. I'm sure you got a lot of catching up to do... -"She makes me stretch! I got inside my character last night like I haven't done in six years on ""Reason"". It was a totally rejuvenating experience." I know, George, I was there. I'm not denying that she's good. -I know, George, I was there. I'm not denying that she's good. She's even taken a job as a nurse! David Ravell's getting boring, Lyla. -She's even taken a job as a nurse! David Ravell's getting boring, Lyla. We know that... -We know that... Can I have an evil twin? -Can I have an evil twin? No, George, we've already done that with Lonnie. The blind one last year, remember? -No, George, we've already done that with Lonnie. The blind one last year, remember? Oh, of course. Who can forget the Emmy? Then let me bring Betty to the set and see what happens. -Oh, of course. Who can forget the Emmy? Then let me bring Betty to the set and see what happens. I don't know, George... -I don't know, George... I'll tell the cast ahead of time. What do you say? -I'll tell the cast ahead of time. What do you say? I'll think about it. -I'll think about it. It'll be like live television! Let's live on the edge a little. You and I can break the mold here! -It'll be like live television! Let's live on the edge a little. You and I can break the mold here! I said I'll think about it. -I said I'll think about it. Fine, but promise me one thing. If we use her, I want to direct those episodes. She's my discovery. -Fine, but promise me one thing. If we use her, I want to direct those episodes. She's my discovery. Actually, she was my discovery... just like you. -Actually, she was my discovery... just like you. Hmm? -Hmm? """Would you like ground pepper on that salad, Ms. Branch?"" Remember?" -"""Would you like ground pepper on that salad, Ms. Branch?"" Remember?" ...yeah. -Betty, I thought this would be the best way. You know, throw you into it... What the hell's going on? -What the hell's going on? If you need a minute, that's okay. But I thought you'd want to -- -Is there a problem, George? No! No problem, there is no... What is the problem? Just do that... thing... you do! Come on! You drove me nuts with this for three days, now do it! -All right, everybody! That's ten minutes! No! Let me try this! -Let me try this, goddamnit! SHE'S BEEN DOING IT ALL WEEK, SHE CAN DO IT NOW! I SAID FORGET IT! -This story is beyond belief, which is perfect for us. It's free advertising and it's gonna run for months. I don't think she can do it. You saw what happened. -I don't think she can do it. You saw what happened. You fucked it up. Who wouldn't freeze in those circumstances? And I don't care what her problems are. She wouldn't be the first one in that cast with problems. We have nothing to lose by making her an offer. -You fucked it up. Who wouldn't freeze in those circumstances? And I don't care what her problems are. She wouldn't be the first one in that cast with problems. We have nothing to lose by making her an offer. What about me? Don't you wanna know how I feel about it? I'm the one who... -What about me? Don't you wanna know how I feel about it? I'm the one who... Why would I give a shit how you feel. And I got news for you. I loved your 'icy water' idea the other day... I'm toying with the idea of killing David Ravell off in a boating accident. -Why would I give a shit how you feel. And I got news for you. I loved your 'icy water' idea the other day... I'm toying with the idea of killing David Ravell off in a boating accident. That's not a bad idea. How many episodes before he comes back? -Jesus, don't do that! If it gets around that you fired me, I'll never land a pilot. Then do as you're told. Get her back. -...what kinda car's Jasmine drive? Ahh, Mercedes, I think. Black. -Ahh, Mercedes, I think. Black. Yeah? The sport utility? -Yeah? The sport utility? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Damn, that's sweet... She really that good-looking in person? -Damn, that's sweet... She really that good-looking in person? Better. -Better. Oh fuck... -Hey, can you sneak me on the lot? Sure. -And she always had such spirit! But, after her mother died... Would you say she was ambitious? -Would you say she was ambitious? Oh, there's no tellin' what that girl could've accomplished, and she never had it easy. Never really had a childhood... caring for her father, going to school. -You've got to be missing a piece of your soul to kill someone. That's not our Betty... ...why do you think you have to be missing a piece of your soul to kill somebody? -...why do you think you have to be missing a piece of your soul to kill somebody? Because it ain't natural, young man. -Because it ain't natural, young man. What are you talking about? Killing's totally natural. It's dying that isn't natural... -You're wastin' your time, Roy. Look Joyce, I need your key to the files, not advice, okay? This is a complex case. -Nothin' complex about it. Del's dead, Betty's gone. She's probably dead, too. You'd like that wouldn't you? You've hated Betty since you were in Pep Squad together... -You'd like that wouldn't you? You've hated Betty since you were in Pep Squad together... No... before that. -No... before that. Ahh, I hate this town! Places like this just make you small... I should have never come back here after college. -Ahh, I hate this town! Places like this just make you small... I should have never come back here after college. Blah -- blah -- blah... Hurry up, will ya, I got a date tonight... -I don't know what you think you'll find, anyway. Names, a phone number, something... Listen, Ballard told me that the guy who brought the missing car down from Detroit was murdered, but do you see him doing anything about it? If Ballard wasn't such a stubborn ass, I wouldn't have to be breaking in here... -What did you say? The driver was killed. I think there's a connection -- -The driver was killed. I think there's a connection -- No, about... Are you talking about Duane Cooley? -No, about... Are you talking about Duane Cooley? Yeah. Why, you know him? -Yeah. Why, you know him? Know him? We were gonna get married! He was gonna leave his wife for me! Fuck!!... -What do you think my father would do if I told him I didn't want to be a lawyer anymore? Probably the same thing my mom would do if I got engaged... have a heart attack. -Probably the same thing my mom would do if I got engaged... have a heart attack. So how's it going with your new roomie? What's her name? -So how's it going with your new roomie? What's her name? Betty. It's O.K. except I'm worn out. We spent all weekend looking for her doctor-boy. How can a big time heart guy leave no trace of himself? -Betty. It's O.K. except I'm worn out. We spent all weekend looking for her doctor-boy. How can a big time heart guy leave no trace of himself? So tell her to settle for the old one in Orange County. -So tell her to settle for the old one in Orange County. She's gonna have to 'cause I'm out of ideas. -She's gonna have to 'cause I'm out of ideas. Maybe we're suing him for malpractice. What's his name again? -Maybe we're suing him for malpractice. What's his name again? David Ravell. -David Ravell. God, that sounds so familiar. Ravell, Ravell... where's he out of? -God, that sounds so familiar. Ravell, Ravell... where's he out of? I'm not sure now. She said he used to be over at Loma Vista. I never heard of it. -I'm not sure now. She said he used to be over at Loma Vista. I never heard of it. "Loma Vista? You mean like the guy on ""A Reason to Love?""" -Hey... Is Betty still trying to find that soap opera guy? Oh, yeah... Man, I'd love to find that actor just to see the look on her face, watch her bubble burst in mid-air. -SHUT UP! Shut the fuck up, both of you, before I kill you! I'm the one who watched the show... I was... -I'm the one who watched the show... I was... Did Chloe crack? -Did Chloe crack? Totally. She came apart like a house of cards. They dropped the charges... -Totally. She came apart like a house of cards. They dropped the charges... Goddamn... how 'bout Jasmine? -Goddamn... how 'bout Jasmine? She's a lesbian. -You lie, motherfucker... I swear to God! -Mrs. Rogers? I'm Dwight Campbell, with Neighborly Life Insurance. I'm looking for Betty Sizemore. I wish I could help you, but I can't. -Aren't they precious? Ma'am, she has a substantial death benefit coming to her from the tragic loss of her husband. Does she have any relatives in the area? No. Well, her grandparents are down in Oklahoma, but that's it... -No. Well, her grandparents are down in Oklahoma, but that's it... I see. And are you in touch with Mrs. Sizemore? -I see. And are you in touch with Mrs. Sizemore? No. But I'm taping her show every day so she can watch it when she comes back. -No. But I'm taping her show every day so she can watch it when she comes back. Her show? -Her show? """A Reason to Love.""" -I see. Did Chloe testify? I don't think she will. She's a slut, but I just don't think she's that mean. Jasmine'll bring her around... -I don't think she will. She's a slut, but I just don't think she's that mean. Jasmine'll bring her around... Jasmine... Do you have yesterday's show on tape, by any chance? -Yeah? Mr. Campbell? -Mr. Campbell? Huh? -Huh? Is this Neighborly Life Insurance? -Is this Neighborly Life Insurance? Oh, umm, yes, this is Dwight Campbell. -Oh, umm, yes, this is Dwight Campbell. It's Sue Ann Rogers, Betty Sizemore's friend? I heard from her. -I flatter myself that such is the case; in my line of work it's plumb necessary. The one thing you don't want is air in the conversation. Once again we find ourselves in agreement. What kind of work do you do, Big Dan? -Once again we find ourselves in agreement. What kind of work do you do, Big Dan? Sales, Mr. McGill, sales! And what do I sell? The Truth! Ever' blessed word of it, from Genesee on down to Revelations! That's right, the word of God, which let me add there is damn good money in during these days of woe and want! Folks're lookin' for answers and Big Dan Teague sells the only book that's got 'em! What do you do - you and your tongue-tied friend? -Thankee boys for throwin' in that fricasee. I'm a man a large appetite and even with lunch under my belt I was feeling a mite peckish. Our pleasure, Big Dan. -Our pleasure, Big Dan. And thank you as well for that conversational hiatus; I generally refrain from speech while engaged in gustation. There are those who attempt both at the same time but I find it course and vulgar. Now where were we? -I like to think that I'm a pretty astute observer of the human scene. No doubt, brother - I figured as much back there in the restaurant. That's why I invited you out here for this advanced tutorial. -End of the road, boys. It's had its twists and turns - Waitaminute - -Waitaminute - - but now it deposits you here. -Waitaminute - You have eluded fate - and eluded me - for the last time. Tie their hands, boys. -You have eluded fate - and eluded me - for the last time. Tie their hands, boys. You can't do this - -You can't do this - Didn't know you'd be bringin' a friend. Well, he'll have to wait his turn - -Didn't know you'd be bringin' a friend. Well, he'll have to wait his turn - Hang on there - -Hang on there - - and share one of your graves. -- and share one of your graves. You can't do this - we just been pardoned! By the Governer himself! -It ain't the law! The law. Well the law is a human institution. -'N I'm Delmar O'Donnell. How ya been, Wash? Been what, twelve, thirteen year'n? -We ain't gonna make it walkin'. Gopher, Everett? -You got light fingers, Everett. Gopher? You mis'able little sneak thief... -That's right! That's right! We ain't really Negroes! -That's right! We ain't really Negroes! All except fer our a-cump-uh-nust! -Why don't we bed down out here tonight? Yeah, it stinks in that ol' barn. -Visit those foreclosin' sonofaguns down at the Indianola Savings and Loan and slap that cash down on the barrelhead and buy back the family farm. Hell, you ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land. What about you, Everett? What'd you have in mind when you stoled it in the first place? -...Pete? Do not seek the treasure! -We didn't abandon you, Pete, we just thought you was a toad. No, they never did turn me into a toad. -No, they never did turn me into a toad. Well that was our mistake then. And then we was beat up by a bible salesman and banished from Woolworth's. I don't know if it's the one branch or all of 'em. -Well that was our mistake then. And then we was beat up by a bible salesman and banished from Woolworth's. I don't know if it's the one branch or all of 'em. Well I - I ain't had it easy either, boys. Uh, frankly, I - well I spilled my guts about the treasure. -Well I - I ain't had it easy either, boys. Uh, frankly, I - well I spilled my guts about the treasure. Huh?! -Huh?! Awful sorry I betrayed you fellas; must be my Hogwallop blood. -I'm sorry we got you into this, Tommy. Good Lord, what do we do? -How'd he know about the treasure? Don't know, Delmar-though the blind are reputed to possess sensitivities compensatin' for their lack of sight, even to the point of developing para- normal psychic powers. Now clearly, seein' the future would fall neatly into that ka-taggery. It's not so surprising, then, if an organism deprived of earthly vision- -What do we do now, Everett? Fire! I hate fire! -NOW HOLD ON, BOYS-AINTCHA EVER HEARD OF A NEGOTIATION? MAYBE WE CAN TALK THIS THING OUT! Yeah, let's negotiate 'em, Everett. -...but try getting a decent hair jelly. Gopher, Everett? -Gopher, Everett? And no transmission belt for two weeks neither. -Well that's it boys, I been redeemed! The preacher warshed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight-and-narrow from here on out and heaven everlasting's my reward! Delmar what the hell are you talking about? - We got bigger fish to fry- -Delmar what the hell are you talking about? - We got bigger fish to fry- Preacher said my sins are warshed away, including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo! -Preacher said my sins are warshed away, including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo! I thought you said you were innocent a those charges. -I thought you said you were innocent a those charges. Well I was lyin' - and I'm proud to say that that sin's been warshed away too! Neither God nor man's got nothin' on me now! Come on in, boys, the water's fine! -But there were witnesses, saw us redeemed! That's not the issue, Delmar. Even if it did put you square with the Lord, the State of Mississippi is more hardnosed. -That's not the issue, Delmar. Even if it did put you square with the Lord, the State of Mississippi is more hardnosed. You should a joined us, Everett. It couldn't a hurt none. -Baptism. You two are just dumber'n a bag of hammers. Well, I guess you're my cross to bear- Pull over, Everett - let's give that colored boy a lift. -This ain't no laughin' matter, Everett. What'd the devil give you for your soul, Tommy? -Five... hunnert... thousand... each. Four hundred, Delmar. -Four hundred, Delmar. Izzat right? -Izzat right? What're you gonna do with your share of the treasure, Pete? -Damn! We gotta skedaddle! I left my pomade in that car! Maybe I can creep up! -I left my pomade in that car! Maybe I can creep up! Don't be a fool, Everett, we gotta R- U-N-O-F-F-T, but pronto! -Don't be a fool, Everett, we gotta R- U-N-O-F-F-T, but pronto! Where's Tommy? -Yeah, look at me. Now you may call it an unreasoning optimism. You may call it obtuse. But the plain fact is we still have... close to... close to... -Now wuddya suppose is eatin' George? Well ya know, Delmar, they say that with a thrill-seekin' personality, what goes up must come down. Top of the world one minute, haunted by megrims the next. Yep, it's like our friend George is a alley cat and his own damn humors're swingin' him by the tail. But don't worry, Delmar; he'll be back on top again. I don't think we've heard the last of George Nelson. -Whuhh... Oh sweet Lord, Everett, looka this! -What on earth is goin' on here! What's got into you, Delmar! Caintcha see it Everett! Them sigh- reens did this to Pete! They loved him up an' turned him into a horney- toad! -...I'm not sure that's Pete. Course it's Pete! Look at 'im! -You can't display a toad in a fine restaurant like this! Why, the good folks here'd go right off their feed! I just don't think it's right, keepin' him under wraps like we's ashamed of him. -I just don't think it's right, keepin' him under wraps like we's ashamed of him. Well if that is Pete I am ashamed of him. The way I see it he got what he deserved - fornicating with some whore a Babylon. These things- -Uh, we uh- We're adventurers, sir, currently pursuin' a certain opportunity but open to others as well. -Pete have a brother? Not that I'm aware. -Deceitful! Two-faced! She-Woman! Never trust a female, Delmar! Remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill spent! Okay, Everett. -Okay, Everett. Hit by a train! Truth means nothin' to Woman, Delmar. Triumph a the subjective! You ever been with a woman? -Hit by a train! Truth means nothin' to Woman, Delmar. Triumph a the subjective! You ever been with a woman? Well, uh, I - I gotta get the family farm back before I can start thinkin' about that. -Well, uh, I - I gotta get the family farm back before I can start thinkin' about that. Well that's right! If then! Believe me, Delmar, Woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days a man! -Well that's right! If then! Believe me, Delmar, Woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days a man! Everett, I never figured you for a paterfamilias. -Everett, I never figured you for a paterfamilias. Oh-ho-ho yes, I've spread my seed. And you see what it, uh... what it's earned me... Now what in the... -So - where's all the money from your armored-car job? I never knocked over any armored- car. I was sent up for practicing law without a license. -Huh. I guess they'll tack on fifty years for me too. Boys, we was chained together. I hadda tell ya somethin'. Bustin' out alone was not a option! -It's Tommy! They got Tommy! Oh my God! -'N turned into a frog - He was never turned into a frog! -Scuse me... scuse me... we're the next act... Everett, my beard itches. -What sat mean exactly, Everett? Well, you'n me'n Pete'n Tommy are gonna be the power behind the throne so to speak. -Well, you'n me'n Pete'n Tommy are gonna be the power behind the throne so to speak. Oh, okay. -I guess Vernon T. Waldrip is gonna be goin' on relief. Maybe I'll be able to throw a little patronage his way, get the man a job diggin' ditches or rounding up stray dogs. Is the marriage off then, Miz Wharvey? -We'll go fetch it with ya, Everett. Honey, it's just - Shutup, Delmar - it's just - -A miracle! It was a miracle! Aw, don't be ignorant, Delmar. I told you they was gonna flood this valley. -Aw, don't be ignorant, Delmar. I told you they was gonna flood this valley. That ain't it! -We ain't one-at-a-timin' here, we mass communicatin'! Oh, yes, assa parful new force. -I'm just makin' a point, you stupid sonofabitch! Okay, Pappy. -Y'ignorant slope-shouldered sack a guts! Why we'd look like a buncha satchel-ass Johnnie-Come-Latelies braggin' on our own midget! Don't matter how stumpy! And that's the goddamn problem right there - people think this Stokes got fresh ideas, he's oh coorant and we the past. Problem a p'seption. -I'm sayin' we har this man away. Assa good idea, Pappy. -What's his name again? Campaign manager? Waldrip. -You don't know where his goddamn folks from; you speakin' outcha asshole. Well now Pappy I wouldn't put it that strong... -Finest governor we've ever had in M'sippi. In any state. -In any state. Oh Lord yes, any parish'r precinct; I was makin' the larger point. -Them straw polls is ugly. Stokes is pullin' ah pants down. -Stokes is pullin' ah pants down. Gonna pluck us off the tit. -Gonna pluck us off the tit. Pappy gonna be sittin' there pants down and Stokes at the table soppin' up the gravy. -Pappy gonna be sittin' there pants down and Stokes at the table soppin' up the gravy. Latch right on to that tit. -Latch right on to that tit. Wipin' little circles with his bread. -Wipin' little circles with his bread. Suckin' away. -Suckin' away. Well, it's a well-run campaign, midget'n broom'n whatnot. -Well, it's a well-run campaign, midget'n broom'n whatnot. Devil his due. -Devil his due. Helluva awgazation. -Ass right. Reason why he's pullin' ah pants down. -Reason why he's pullin' ah pants down. Gonna paddle ah little bee-hind. -Gonna paddle ah little bee-hind. Ain't gonna paddle it; he's gonna kick it real hard. -No, I believe he's a-gonna paddle it. Well now, I don't believe assa property scription. -Well now, I don't believe assa property scription. Well, that's how I characterize it. -Well, that's how I characterize it. Well, I believe it's mawva kickin' sichation. -Well, I believe it's mawva kickin' sichation. Pullin' ah pants down... -Pullin' ah pants down... Wipin' little circles with his bread... -Helluva idea. Cain't beat 'em, join 'em. -Cain't beat 'em, join 'em. Have him join us, run our campaign 'stead a that pencil-neck's. -Have him join us, run our campaign 'stead a that pencil-neck's. Enticements a power, wealth, settera. -Enticements a power, wealth, settera. No one says no to Pappy O'Daniel. -No one says no to Pappy O'Daniel. Oh gracious no. Not with his blandishments. -Oh gracious no. Not with his blandishments. Powas p'suasion. -Vernon Waldrip. Vernon T. Waldrip. -Pappy O'Daniel be laughing' then. Not out the other side his face, though. -Not out the other side his face, though. Oh no, no, just the reg'la side - -That ain't your daddy, Alvinelle. Your daddy was hit by a train. Now Penny, stop that! -Now Penny, stop that! No - you stop it! Vernon here's got a job. Vernon's got prospects. He's bona fide! What're you? -No - you stop it! Vernon here's got a job. Vernon's got prospects. He's bona fide! What're you? I'll tell you what I am - I'm the paterfamilias! You can't marry him! -I'll tell you what I am - I'm the paterfamilias! You can't marry him! I can and I am and I will - tomorrow! I gotta think about the little Wharvey gals! They look to me for answers! Vernon can s'port 'em and buy 'em lessons on the clarinet! The only good thing you ever did for the gals was get his by that train! -I can and I am and I will - tomorrow! I gotta think about the little Wharvey gals! They look to me for answers! Vernon can s'port 'em and buy 'em lessons on the clarinet! The only good thing you ever did for the gals was get his by that train! ...Why you... lyin,... unconstant... succubus! -McGill. No, the marriage'll take place as planned. Just a little change of cast. Me and the little lady are gonna pick up the pieces'n retie the knot, mixaphorically speakin'. You boys're invited, of course. Hell, you're best men! Already got the rings. -Where's your ring, honey? I ain't worn it since our divorce came through. It must still be in the rolltop in the old cabin. Never thought I'd need it; Vernon bought one encrusted with jewels. -I ain't worn it since our divorce came through. It must still be in the rolltop in the old cabin. Never thought I'd need it; Vernon bought one encrusted with jewels. Hell, now's the time to buy it off him cheap. -Hell, now's the time to buy it off him cheap. We ain't gettin' married with his ring! You said you'd changed! -We ain't gettin' married with his ring! You said you'd changed! Aw, honey, our ring is just a old pewter thing - -Aw, honey, our ring is just a old pewter thing - Ain't gonna be no weddin'. -Ain't gonna be no weddin'. It's just a symbol, honey - -It's just a symbol, honey - No weddin'. -All's well that ends well, as the poet says. That's right, honey. -That's right, honey. But I don't mind telling you, I'm awful pleased my adventuring days is at an end... -...Time for this old boy to enjoy some repose. That's good, honey. -That's good, honey. And you were right about that ring. Any other weddin' band would not do. But this-here was foreordained, honey; fate was a-smilin' on me, and ya have to have confidence - -That's not my ring. - in the gods - Huh? -- in the gods - Huh? That's not my ring. -That's not my ring. Not your... -Not your... That's one of Aunt Hurlene's. -That's one of Aunt Hurlene's. You said it was in the rolltop desk! -You said it was in the rolltop desk! I said I thought it was in the rolltop desk. -I said I thought it was in the rolltop desk. You said - -You said - Or, it might a been under the mattress. -Or, it might a been under the mattress. You - -You - Or in my chiffonier. I don't know. -Well, I'm sorry honey - Well, we need that ring. -Well, we need that ring. Well now honey, that ring is at the bottom of a pretty durned big lake. -Well now honey, that ring is at the bottom of a pretty durned big lake. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. A 9,000-hectacre lake, honey. -A 9,000-hectacre lake, honey. I don't care if it's ninety thousand. -I don't care if it's ninety thousand. Yes, but honey - -Yes, but honey - That wasn't my doing... -I counted to three, honey. Well sure, honey, but... -Wait a minute! Who elected you leader a this outfit? Well, Pete, I just figured it should be the one with capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus view, hell, let's put her to a vote! -Well, Pete, I just figured it should be the one with capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus view, hell, let's put her to a vote! Suits me! I'm votin' for yours truly! -Suits me! I'm votin' for yours truly! Well I'm votin' for yours truly too! -Pete's cousin turned us in for the bounty! The hell you say! Wash is kin! -YOU LOUSY YELLA-BELLIED LOW-DOWN SKUNKS- Now hold on, Pete, we gotta speak with one voice here - CAREFUL WITH THAT FIRE NOW, BOYS! -Huh?! They dam that river on the 21st. Today's the 17th! Don't I know it. -Don't I know it. We got but four days to get to that treasure! After that, it'll be at the bottom of a lake! -How's this a plan? How're we gonna get a car? Sell that. I figured it could only have painful associations for Wash. -To Washington Bartholomew Hogwallop. From his loving Cora. Ay-More Fie- dellis. It was in his bureau. -Who was fixing to betray us! You didn't know that at the time! -You didn't know that at the time! So I borrowed it till I did know! -So I borrowed it till I did know! That don't make no sense! -That don't make no sense! Pete, it's a fool looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart. What the hell's that singing? -Well, I'll be a sonofabitch. Delmar's been saved! Pete, don't be ignorant- -The preacher said it absolved us. For him, not for the law! I'm surprised at you, Pete. Hell, I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar. -Hell, at least it woulda washed away the stink of that pomade. Join you two ignorant fools in a ridiculous superstition? Thank you anyway. And I like the smell of my hair treatment - the pleasing odor is half the point. -A million dollars. Million point two. -An' all my meals for free... What about you, Delmar? What're you gonna do with your share a that dough? -Me? Oh, I didn't have no plan. Still don't, really. Well that hardly sounds like you... -The hell it ain't square one! Ain't no one gonna pick up three filthy unshaved hitchhikers, and one of 'em a know-it-all that can't keep his trap shut! Pete, the personal rancor reflected in that remark I don't intend to dignify with comment, but I would like to address your general attitude of hopeless negativism. Consider the lilies a the goddamn field, or-hell!- take a look at Delmar here as your paradigm a hope. -Itta Bena, now, uh, that would be... Isn't it, uh... -...Nah, that ain't right... I'm thinkin' of... ...I believe, unless I'm very much mistaken - see, we've been away for several years, uh... -It was a moment a weakness! Quitcha babblin' Pete - time to skedaddle. -They lured me out for a bathe, then they dunked me'n trussed me up like a hog and turned me in for the bounty. I shoulda guessed it - typical womanly behavior. Just lucky we left before they came for us. -It's awful white of ya to take it like that, Everett. I feel wretched, spoilin' yer play for a million dollars'n point two. It's been eatin' at my guts. Aw, that's all right. -Pete, uh, I don't want ya to beat yourself up about this thing... I cain't help it, but that's a wonderful thing to say! -I cain't help it, but that's a wonderful thing to say! Well, but Pete... -Fact of the matter - there never was! But... but... -But... Damnit, I just hadda bust out! My wife wrote me she was gettin' married! I gotta stop it! -...No treasure... I had two weeks left on my sentence... I couldn't wait two weeks! She's gettin' married tomorra! -I couldn't wait two weeks! She's gettin' married tomorra! ...With my added time for the escape, I don't get out now 'til 1987... I'll be eighty-four years old. -Pete... I do apologize. Eighty-four years old! I'll be gummin' pab-you-lum! -Well, it's a invitation-only affair; we'll have to sneak in through the service entrance- Wait a minute - who elected you leader a this outfit? Since we been followin' your lead we got nothin' but trouble! I gotten this close to bein' strung up, n'consumed in a fire, 'n whipped no end, 'n sunstroked, 'n soggied - -This is crazy. No one's ever gonna believe we're a real band. No, this is gonna work! I just gotta get close enough to talk to her. Takin' off with us is got a lot more future in it than marrying a guy named Waldrip. I'm goddamn bona fide. I've got the answers! -We prayed to God and he pitied us! It just never fails; once again you two hayseeds are showin' how much you want for innalect. There's a perfectly scientific explanation for what just happened - -It just never fails; once again you two hayseeds are showin' how much you want for innalect. There's a perfectly scientific explanation for what just happened - That ain't the tune you were singin' back there at the gallows! -That ain't the tune you were singin' back there at the gallows! Well any human being will cast about in a moment of stress. No, the fact is, they're flooding this valley so they can hydro-electric up the whole durned state... -Two weeks! That don't do me no good! Nearest Ford auto man's Bristol. -Hold on there - I don't want this pomade, I want Dapper Dan. I don't carry Dapper Dan. I carry Fop. -I don't carry Dapper Dan. I carry Fop. No! I don't want Fop! Goddamnit - I use Dapper Dan! -No! I don't want Fop! Goddamnit - I use Dapper Dan! Watch your language, young fellow, this is a public market. Now, if you want Dapper Dan I can order it for you, have it in a couple of weeks. -Watch your language, young fellow, this is a public market. Now, if you want Dapper Dan I can order it for you, have it in a couple of weeks. Well, ain't this place a geographical oddity-two weeks from everywhere! Forget it! Just the dozen hairnets! -Who's the honcho around here? I am. Hur you? -I am. Hur you? Well sir, my name is Jordan Rivers and these here are the Soggy Bottom Boys outta Cottonelia Mississippi- Songs of Salvation to Salve the Soul. We hear you pay good money to sing into a can. -Well sir, my name is Jordan Rivers and these here are the Soggy Bottom Boys outta Cottonelia Mississippi- Songs of Salvation to Salve the Soul. We hear you pay good money to sing into a can. Well that all depends. You boys do Negro songs? -Sir, we are Negroes. All except our a-cump- uh, company-accompluh- uh, the fella that plays the gui-tar. Well, I don't record Negro songs. I'm lookin' for some ol'-timey material. Why, people just can't get enough of it since we started broadcastin' the 'Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour', so thanks for stoppin' by, but- -Well, I don't record Negro songs. I'm lookin' for some ol'-timey material. Why, people just can't get enough of it since we started broadcastin' the 'Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour', so thanks for stoppin' by, but- Sir, the Soggy Bottom Boys been steeped in ol'-timey material. Heck, you're silly with it, aintcha boys? -Hot damn, boy, I almost believe you did sell your soul to the devil! Boys, that was some mighty fine pickin' and singin'. You just sign these papers and I'll give you ten dollars apiece. -Boys, that was some mighty fine pickin' and singin'. You just sign these papers and I'll give you ten dollars apiece. Okay sir, but Mert and Aloysius'll have to scratch Xes - only four of us can write. -Now what can I do you for, Mister French? How can I lay hold a the Soggy Bottom Boys? -How can I lay hold a the Soggy Bottom Boys? Soggy Bottom Boys - I don't precisely recollect, uh - -Soggy Bottom Boys - I don't precisely recollect, uh - They cut a record in here, few days ago, old-timey harmony thing with a guitar Accump-accump-uh- -They cut a record in here, few days ago, old-timey harmony thing with a guitar Accump-accump-uh- Oh I remember 'em, colored fellas I believe, swell bunch a boys, sung into yon can and skedaddled. -Oh I remember 'em, colored fellas I believe, swell bunch a boys, sung into yon can and skedaddled. Well that record has just gone through the goddamn roof! They're playin' it as far away as Mobile! The whole damn state's goin' ape! -Well that record has just gone through the goddamn roof! They're playin' it as far away as Mobile! The whole damn state's goin' ape! It was a powerful air. -It was a powerful air. Hot damn, we gotta find those boys! Sign 'em to a big fat contract! Hell's bells, Mr. Lunn, if we don't the goddamn competition will! -Hot damn, we gotta find those boys! Sign 'em to a big fat contract! Hell's bells, Mr. Lunn, if we don't the goddamn competition will! Oh mercy, yes. You gotta beat that competition. -Languishing! Goddamn campaign is languishing! We need a shot inna arm! Hear me, boys? Inna goddamn ARM! Election held tomorra, that sonofabitch Stokes would win it in a walk! Well he's the reform candidate, Daddy. -...Yeah? Well people like that reform. Maybe we should get us some. -I signed that bill! I signed a dozen a those aggi-culture bills! Everyone knows I'm a friend a the fahmuh! What do I gotta do, start diddlin' livestock?! We cain't do that, Daddy, we might offend our constichency. -We cain't do that, Daddy, we might offend our constichency. We ain't got a constichency! Stokes got a constichency! -Holy-moly. These boys're a hit! But Pappy, they's inter-grated. -But Pappy, they's inter-grated. Well I guess folks don't mind they's integrated. -Daddy! He ain't our daddy! -Mama said you was hit by a train! Blooey! -That's a maiden name. You got a maiden name, Daddy? -It's bona fide! He's a suitor! -She's at the five and dime. Buyin' nipples! -You, Zack? Yes, Sir. -Yes, Sir. I'm Byron. Nice to meet you. C'mon. Let's go get your luggage. -How was the flight? They take care of you okay? Long way from Norfolk, isn't it? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Listen, kid, I was sorry to hear about your mom. That's pretty rough. I would've returned your call a lot sooner but I was out at sea... -Listen, kid, I was sorry to hear about your mom. That's pretty rough. I would've returned your call a lot sooner but I was out at sea... I been calling for four months. -I been calling for four months. Well, that's how long I've been out at sea. -This is it. This is where I live. I suppose you could bunk over there and you could go to school at the base. Great. -Great. I'm not finished. I'll only be in port one week a month and when I'm here you'd never catch me playing daddy with you 'cause it's not who I am. Like I told you on the phone, you I'd be better off in that state school back in Virginia. -I'm not finished. I'll only be in port one week a month and when I'm here you'd never catch me playing daddy with you 'cause it's not who I am. Like I told you on the phone, you I'd be better off in that state school back in Virginia. I ain't never going back to that school, sir. -I ain't never going back to that school, sir. You got to kid. Let me spell it out for you. This is a whorehouse. And I happen to like my life the way it is and nobody's gonna make me change. -You got to kid. Let me spell it out for you. This is a whorehouse. And I happen to like my life the way it is and nobody's gonna make me change. I don't care about that. I just ain't going back. You don't want me? Okay. I'll find me another place. -Come back here, kid! What for? -What for? Okay, okay. You win. -Okay, okay. You win. Thank you, sir! -Thank you, sir! Stop calling me 'sir! I ain't no officer. My name is Byron. -Hi, Byron. Zack, you little shit! You haven't changed a bit! -Zack, you little shit! You haven't changed a bit! Neither have you, pard! -Hey, honey, look at this! My son! Isn't he beautiful? You should've called! You were out at sea! Hey, guess what? I graduated. I got my degree. -You were out at sea! Hey, guess what? I graduated. I got my degree. I thought you quit school. Last I heard you were on your way to a construction job or something down in Brazil. -I thought you quit school. Last I heard you were on your way to a construction job or something down in Brazil. Yeah, I made some money down there, then I talked my way into another college and I did it. I wasn't magna cum laude but I did okay. You should've seen me in my cap and gown. -Yeah, I made some money down there, then I talked my way into another college and I did it. I wasn't magna cum laude but I did okay. You should've seen me in my cap and gown. Why the fuck didn't you invite me? I would've come. -Ay, palequero. Never hochi in the P.I. Wha-chu-say, palequero? Short time, long time, only ten dolla. -So what're you doing in Seattle? Get ready pard. This one's gonna blow you away. -Get ready pard. This one's gonna blow you away. Zackie, nothing you do will ever surprise me, pard, not after some of the shit you've pulled. -Zackie, nothing you do will ever surprise me, pard, not after some of the shit you've pulled. I joined the Navy. -You... in the Navy? That's right. I'm on my way over to this officer school in Port Ranier. -That's right. I'm on my way over to this officer school in Port Ranier. Why? -Why? To fly jets. To be the fastest motherfucker in the world. You gotta come and visit me. I'm only a couple hours away. -To fly jets. To be the fastest motherfucker in the world. You gotta come and visit me. I'm only a couple hours away. Who gave you this idea? -Who gave you this idea? Nobody. It just came to me. -Don't be pissed. I'm on your side, Pard. I just don't want you to do something you'll regret. You gotta give six years to the Navy if you wanna fly... that's six years with the most uptight assholes God put on this earth. Officers aren't like you and me, man. It's another breed. You afraid you'll have to salute me, Chief? -You afraid you'll have to salute me, Chief? Fuck, no! Why would I care about something as dumb as that? -Fuck, no! Why would I care about something as dumb as that? I don't know. That's just how it sounded. Well, I'll see you. -Hey, what did you want? A lot of fatherly bullshit? A big pat on the back? From you, pard? Never. Thanks for the graduation present. -From you, pard? Never. Thanks for the graduation present. Hey, Zackie -- don't go away mad. -Who's that? Nobody. Just a girl I've been making it with the last couple of weekends. -Nobody. Just a girl I've been making it with the last couple of weekends. Great ass. -Great ass. Yeah, I sort of thought so myself. -Yeah, I sort of thought so myself. Better watch out for that kind, Zackie. You know what they call 'em, don't ya? -Better watch out for that kind, Zackie. You know what they call 'em, don't ya? Yeah, I know. -Yeah, I know. Back east in Newport, Rhode Island, they call 'em the Fall River Debs. In Pensacola, the Mobile Debs. In Norfolk -- -Back east in Newport, Rhode Island, they call 'em the Fall River Debs. In Pensacola, the Mobile Debs. In Norfolk -- That what she was... a Norfolk Deb? -That what she was... a Norfolk Deb? Who? Aw shit, Zackie, let's not get off on your mother again, please. -Who? Aw shit, Zackie, let's not get off on your mother again, please. What if I want to talk about her, pard? What then? You know, that's all I've ever heard from you, since I was a kid... you never want to talk about that, man, and it's important. -What if I want to talk about her, pard? What then? You know, that's all I've ever heard from you, since I was a kid... you never want to talk about that, man, and it's important. There's nothing to talk about. Two goddamn times I made it with your old lady. We barely even talked. -That's not how she told it. She said you wrote her every week you were away. I wrote. Not every week... -I wrote. Not every week... She said you told her in every letter how much you loved her, how you wanted to marry her, have children with her... -She said you told her in every letter how much you loved her, how you wanted to marry her, have children with her... I never said any of that! -I never said any of that! I found them, pard, and read them myself, right after she did it! -I found them, pard, and read them myself, right after she did it! Okay, I wrote those things... and yeah, I had big thoughts of getting together with your mom... but when she hit me with being pregnant, I saw who she was. I'd had quiff lay that shit on me before! -Okay, I wrote those things... and yeah, I had big thoughts of getting together with your mom... but when she hit me with being pregnant, I saw who she was. I'd had quiff lay that shit on me before! What did you call her? What did I hear you call her, you son of a bitch? -I knew you'd make it! Where's your girl? Didn't she come? Naw. That's over with. -You're pretty funny, Mayo. Maybe we'll be roommates, Seeger, and you'll find out how funny I really am... -Hey, baby, you could get sent to war, get your ass shot down. Don't lose any sleep over it. I wouldn't mind being the first woman to fly a jet fighter in combat. -Don't lose any sleep over it. I wouldn't mind being the first woman to fly a jet fighter in combat. Great. You can go in my place. -Good morning, girls. Ever heard of knocking, mayo? -Ever heard of knocking, mayo? Hey, did you hear? Sands and Kantrowitz DORed last night. Survival of the fittest. -Hey, did you hear? Sands and Kantrowitz DORed last night. Survival of the fittest. The whole world's a jungle, huh, Mayo? Dog eat dog down to the last one, right? -The whole world's a jungle, huh, Mayo? Dog eat dog down to the last one, right? You got it, Sweet Pea. Nice boonies, Seeger. -Zack, we've got to go. Just trying to have fun. That fucking prison is really starting to get to me. C'mon, Seeger. Gimme a push. Fuck you guys! I'll do it myself! -Go on, Zack! Go for the record! Fuck the record. Now you listen to me and do exactly what I tell you. Start back ten yards and take off from here. Not here... or there... but right here! No excuses, Seeger! You are going to plant those legs here and then you're going to yank yourself over that wall because you have to! You want jets? Then do it, goddamnit! -Joe! Come over here where I can see you. -Esther, do you think she's using... ...birth control? Yes, Joe. -Yes, Joe. When did this happen? -When did this happen? A long time ago. -He doesn't mean anything by it, Zack. Do you, Joe? I don't mean anything by it. -Are you laughing at me, dick-brain? No, sir! -What's your name, boy? Mayo, Zack Mayo, sir! -Mayo, Zack Mayo, sir! How did you slip into this program, Mayo? I didn't know the Navy was so hard up. You got an injury there, Mayo? -How did you slip into this program, Mayo? I didn't know the Navy was so hard up. You got an injury there, Mayo? Not exactly, sir. -Where'd you get this, Mayo? This is really wonder work. Subic Bay, sir. In the Philippines. -Subic Bay, sir. In the Philippines. I thought I recognized the work. Be proud of those wings. They're the only ones you're gonna leave here with, Mayo-naise. -I want your D.O.R. No, sir. You can kick me out, but I'm not quitting. -No, sir. You can kick me out, but I'm not quitting. Get into your fatigues, Mayo. Before the weekend's out, you'll quit. -She may not make it through the program, but she's got more heart and more character than you'll ever have. I've seen your college record. I've never heard of most of those schools. Tell me something, Mayo. Did you buy that degree? No, sir! It was the hardest thing I ever did, sir! Until this. -No, sir! It was the hardest thing I ever did, sir! Until this. That's a lie, Mayo. You've gone through a lot worse, haven't you? -Stop eyeballing me, mister! I've looked through your file and done a little checking, and I know it all. I know about your mother. I know your old man's an alcoholic and a whore chaser. Life sure has dealt you some shitty cards! Hasn't it, Mayo? I'm doing okay, sir. -I'm doing okay, sir. No you're not. You're failing the big one, baby, and I don't just mean in here. I mean in life. I've watched you, Mayo, and you don't mesh. You grab-ass and joke around but you don't make friends, not the way the others do. -Hey, what do you say we call off this little charade of yours over a couple of beers at Trader Jon's...? Come on, man. You're about as close to being officer material as me. Sir, this candidate believes he'll make a good officer, sir! -Sir, this candidate believes he'll make a good officer, sir! No way, Mayo. You don't give a shit about anybody but yourself and every single one of your classmates knows it. Think they'd trust you behind the controls of a plane they have to fly in? Hey, man, I figure you for the kind of guy who'd zip off one day in my F-14 and sell it to the Cubans. -No way, Mayo. You don't give a shit about anybody but yourself and every single one of your classmates knows it. Think they'd trust you behind the controls of a plane they have to fly in? Hey, man, I figure you for the kind of guy who'd zip off one day in my F-14 and sell it to the Cubans. Sir, that's not true! I love my country! -Sir, that's not true! I love my country! Sell it to the Air Force, Mayo! -I want to fly, sir! That's no reason. Everybody wants to fly. My grandmother wants to fly. You going after a job with one of the airlines? -That's no reason. Everybody wants to fly. My grandmother wants to fly. You going after a job with one of the airlines? I want to fly jets, sir! -I want to fly jets, sir! Why? Because you can do it alone? -Why? Because you can do it alone? No, sir! -No, sir! What is it, the kicks? Is that it? -What is it, the kicks? Is that it? I don't want to do something anybody can do. -I don't want to do something anybody can do. Pity you don't have the character. -Pity you don't have the character. That's not true, sir! I've changed a lot since I've been here! And I'm gonna make it, sir! -That's not true, sir! I've changed a lot since I've been here! And I'm gonna make it, sir! Not a fucking chance, asshole! -Mayo, are those your friends? Yes, sir! -Yes, sir! Maybe there's hope for you yet. -You didn't kick him out...? Wait, didn't he tell you what he's been going through? It doesn't matter what he's going through. That's the whole purpose of this zoo. What matters is he freaked out for some reason at twenty-five thousand feet and that can't ever happen again. -It doesn't matter what he's going through. That's the whole purpose of this zoo. What matters is he freaked out for some reason at twenty-five thousand feet and that can't ever happen again. But you don't understand. There's this girl he's gotten pregnant and she's putting him through hell, sir. -I thought the D.I.'s were supposed to help you in this place! What kind of human being are you? Stop eyeballing me, Mayo, or you're out! -Mayo, the rest of your class knows about candidate Worley, and we're all sorry. Sir, this officer candidate requests permission to speak to you in private. -Sir, this officer candidate requests permission to speak to you in private. I'm busy, Mayo. It'll have to wait. -I'm busy, Mayo. It'll have to wait. It's important, sir! -It's important, sir! Mayo, you didn't hear me -- I said I I'm busy! And so are you! Go get cleaned up! -Mayo, you didn't hear me -- I said I I'm busy! And so are you! Go get cleaned up! Aw screw it... -What're you waiting for, Mayo? Get your scuzzy ass up here. Yes, sir! -You're good. Get on your feet and find out how good, sir. -Congratulations, Ensign Mayo, sir! I'll never forget you as long as I live, Sergeant. -I'll never forget you as long as I live, Sergeant. I know. -I know. Well, goodbye. -See you in the fleet, sir! Yeah. See you in the fleet, Sarge. And thank you. -Hi, son. How're you doing, Sarge? -What did you call me? Pardon? -Pardon? What did you call me, boy? -What did you call me, boy? I called you Sarge. -I called you Sarge. Before that. -Before that. I didn't call you anything before that. -I didn't call you anything before that. You said, 'How're you?' I am not a 'ewe,' boy! A ewe is a female sheep, boy! Is that what you think I am, boy? -You said, 'How're you?' I am not a 'ewe,' boy! A ewe is a female sheep, boy! Is that what you think I am, boy? No. -No. No, sir! -No, sir! No, sir. -No, sir. Lauder, Sweet Pea! -Lauder, Sweet Pea! No, sir! -No, sir! Do you want to fuck me up the ass, boy? Is that why you called me a 'ewe'? Are you a queer? -Do you want to fuck me up the ass, boy? Is that why you called me a 'ewe'? Are you a queer? No, sir. -No, sir. Where are you from, boy? -Where are you from, boy? Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. -Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Only two things come out of Oklahoma, steers and queers. Which one are you, boy? I don't see any horns so you must be a queer. -Only two things come out of Oklahoma, steers and queers. Which one are you, boy? I don't see any horns so you must be a queer. No, sir. -No, sir. Stop whispering, Sweet Pea, you're giving me a hard on! -Whatever you say, Mayonnaise. Fall out on the lawn in five minutes, in your Poopie suits! -What did you call me, Mayo? Zack, don't! -"Now when I say ""understand"" I want the whole group to say, ""Yes, sir!"" Understand?" Yes, sir! -Yes, sir! Louder! -Louder! Yes, sir!! -Yes, sir!! I don't believe what I'm seeing! Where've you been all your lives, at an orgy? Listening to Mick Jagger and bad mouthing your country, I'll bet. -Stop eyeballing me, boy! You are not worthy enough to look your superiors in the eye. Use your peripheral vision! Understand?! Yes, sir! -I know why most of you are here. We're not stupid. But before you get to sell what we teach you over at United Airlines, you gotta give the Navy six years of your life, Sweet Pea. Lot of things can happen in six year. Another war could come up in six years. If you're too peaceful a person to dump napalm on an enemy village where there might be women and children, I'm gonna find that out. Understand? Yes, sir! -I know I'm late and I'm sorry, but Mrs. Rufferwell asked us to help with the cleanup and... I said, come here! -Daddy, I don't want to get into anything with you tonight. I'm tired and I... What are you tired from? -I don't know what it is. It could be anything. But you knew right off what I was talking about, didn't you, Paula! Did you let that boy -- -Don't you dare ask me that question. I'm an adult and you got no right to push your nose into my affairs like that! Well, as long as you live in this house, young lady, you live by my rules! You should be dating local boys. -Well, as long as you live in this house, young lady, you live by my rules! You should be dating local boys. Uh-uh! Not a chance! There's nobody in this town doing anything with his life, except what his father did, which is nothing. If I can't have more out of life than that, I'd rather be dead! -Uh-uh! Not a chance! There's nobody in this town doing anything with his life, except what his father did, which is nothing. If I can't have more out of life than that, I'd rather be dead! Do you honestly think you'll find a boy in that... that officer's school who's serious about marriage? -Do you honestly think you'll find a boy in that... that officer's school who's serious about marriage? Yes I do! -Yes I do! Then you're dumber than I thought! All you'll get from their kind is pregnant! -Is this you boys first night of liberty since you got here? Yes, ma'am. Four long, hard weeks of sacrifice for my country... for my people... for you. But I survived. -You been through the Dilbert Dunker yet? Cake walk. Both my dad and my brother went through it and made it, so I know I can. -Cake walk. Both my dad and my brother went through it and made it, so I know I can. Is your brother a flyer? -Is your brother a flyer? He was. He died. -He was. He died. Vietnam? -Vietnam? Yeah. -Yeah. I had a big brother who died over there, too. He wasn't no flyer though. He was just your basic Marine Corps type. I was only twelve when it happened, so I don't remember much about him. -I had a big brother who died over there, too. He wasn't no flyer though. He was just your basic Marine Corps type. I was only twelve when it happened, so I don't remember much about him. I sure remember Tommy. Mind if we talked about something else? -I sure remember Tommy. Mind if we talked about something else? We don't have to talk at all. -Something tells me you've been here before. Now what on earth would give you an idea like that? -You're sure it's okay? Don't worry. I'll respect you afterwards. -What would you girls like to do? Want to stick around here for a little or... or could I suggest another plan...? Like pick up some booze and go to a motel? -Like pick up some booze and go to a motel? Or we could do that yeah. -Sid Worley, I think you're ashamed of me. Ashamed? No -- I love you, Lynette. I mean that. After I leave them, I'll meet you at the motel, okay? -Ashamed? No -- I love you, Lynette. I mean that. After I leave them, I'll meet you at the motel, okay? If you won't take me to dinner with your parents, I won't meet you at the motel. -If you won't take me to dinner with your parents, I won't meet you at the motel. Lynette, I told you already, it won't work. -Lynette, I told you already, it won't work. Then, I'll see you around. -By the way, shouldn't you have had a period by now? I'm a little late, that's all. -I'm a little late, that's all. How late? -How late? What difference does it make? If anything was to happen, which I'm sure it isn't, it would be my responsibility. -What difference does it make? If anything was to happen, which I'm sure it isn't, it would be my responsibility. Exactly how late are you, Lynette? -Exactly how late are you, Lynette? What do you care? Suppose I was pregnant. Just suppose it. You don't think I'd try to make you do anything you don't want to, do you? -What do you care? Suppose I was pregnant. Just suppose it. You don't think I'd try to make you do anything you don't want to, do you? No. But that's not the only issue here, sweetheart. There's a lot more to it than that. -What other issue is there, Sid? My responsibility as its father, for one. I mean, if I've made you pregnant, I'd want to... do the right thing. -...I'd want to pay for the abortion... I'd want to be with you through the whole thing... by your side. So how late are you, Lynette? Let's just wait and see what happens. -Hi, babe. Come on. I've got a couple of things I want to tell you. What're you doing out of uniform, Sid? You don't want to get in trouble. -What're you doing out of uniform, Sid? You don't want to get in trouble. Forget that. Come on. Got a little surprise... -Forget that. Come on. Got a little surprise... I can't go like this. Can't you wait a few minutes 'til I'm ready? -I can't go like this. Can't you wait a few minutes 'til I'm ready? No way. I'm so happy I'm about to bust. Here, honey. This is for you. It cost me my whole savings, but I said what the fuck. -Sid! Oh, it's beautiful! You mean... That's right. Let's get married, Lynette. Let's find a justice of the peace and just do it! -Let's go tell Paula! God, I wonder where we'll be stationed first. I hope it'll be Hawaii. I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. We're not gonna be stationed anywhere, baby. I DORed. -We're not gonna be stationed anywhere, baby. I DORed. You what? -You what? I had to, baby... I'm no aviator. I was faking it, like I was with everything else in my life... up 'til right now. -I had to, baby... I'm no aviator. I was faking it, like I was with everything else in my life... up 'til right now. But... but what would we do? Where would we go? -But... but what would we do? Where would we go? Oklahoma. I can get my old job back at JC Penney's. In a couple of years, I'll be floor manager. Oh, you're gonna love Oklahoma, Lynette. You and mama'll get along just great. Of course, money will be a little tight for a while, but we'll make it. -Oklahoma. I can get my old job back at JC Penney's. In a couple of years, I'll be floor manager. Oh, you're gonna love Oklahoma, Lynette. You and mama'll get along just great. Of course, money will be a little tight for a while, but we'll make it. Sid, there's no baby. -Sid, there's no baby. What? -What? I'm not pregnant. I got my period this morning. There's no baby, Sid. -I'm not pregnant. I got my period this morning. There's no baby, Sid. Well, I'll be goddamned. -Come on, guys. It's five o'clock. One more minute. -Far fucking out! I've been wanting to meet one of the Blue Angels since I can remember. Lynette, watch your mouth! Somebody might overhear. -Lynette, watch your mouth! Somebody might overhear. Paula, look at the new Poopies. -Paula, look at the new Poopies. Yeah, I saw 'em. Poor guys. -Yeah, I saw 'em. Poor guys. See you in a month when you get liberty! -See you in a month when you get liberty! Don't worry. It grows out about an inch by them. -That was you guys, huh? Come on. Let's go dance. -Hurry, Lynette. It's almost midnight. I got my foot on the floor. -Well, it you're not gonna ask, then I will. How was it? Great. -Great. Details, Pokrif. From what I saw he had an incredible body. -Details, Pokrif. From what I saw he had an incredible body. Yeah... Mmmm... -Yeah... Mmmm... What did he do? Did he do anything that was different? -What did he do? Did he do anything that was different? Everything was different. -Everything was different. But in what ways? -How did it go with you guys? Big Sid came in about two and a half seconds, then had the nerve to ask, 'Did you make it, too, sweetheart?' -He ask you out for next weekend? No, but I told him I'd be at the Town Tavern next Saturday night, and he sounded like he might come. -No, but I told him I'd be at the Town Tavern next Saturday night, and he sounded like he might come. I told Zack about Saturday night, too. The fifth week's supposed to be the roughest. Come Wednesday, he'll be wishing he took my number. -I told Zack about Saturday night, too. The fifth week's supposed to be the roughest. Come Wednesday, he'll be wishing he took my number. You hope. -You hope. He'll show. I'd bet my paycheck on it. -You serious about having him over? I haven't made up my mind. -Paula, how far would you go to catch Zack? What do you mean? -What do you mean? You know what I mean. Would you... let yourself get pregnant? -You know what I mean. Would you... let yourself get pregnant? No way... Would you? -No way... Would you? I never used to think I'd do something like that, but now I'm not so sure. You ask me, nine weeks just ain't long enough to get a guy to fall in love with you. -I never used to think I'd do something like that, but now I'm not so sure. You ask me, nine weeks just ain't long enough to get a guy to fall in love with you. That don't justify trying to trap a boy by getting pregnant, Lynette! Nothing justifies that. I can't believe you're even thinking like that. I mean, that's really backward. -That don't justify trying to trap a boy by getting pregnant, Lynette! Nothing justifies that. I can't believe you're even thinking like that. I mean, that's really backward. No more backward, if you ask me, than the way these hotshot assholes fuck us, then ditch us. Don't you ever feel used, Paula? Don't you ever feel like if this is all you get for your trouble then the sonofabitch ought to be paying for it...? -No more backward, if you ask me, than the way these hotshot assholes fuck us, then ditch us. Don't you ever feel used, Paula? Don't you ever feel like if this is all you get for your trouble then the sonofabitch ought to be paying for it...? No. I never feel like that. -No. I never feel like that. I do. -Lynette, where's Sid? Already come and gone. Can you believe it? He DORed in the twelfth week. How can you win? -God help you, Lynette! You're no better than me, Paula! You're just the same! -You're no better than me, Paula! You're just the same! No! That's not true! -God! I've never seen anything like that in my whole life! Did you see that guy's nose? Lynette, just keep your mouth shut until we get to the motel. Will you do that for me, please. -Lynette, just keep your mouth shut until we get to the motel. Will you do that for me, please. Well, excuse me for livin'! -What did you tell him about the baby? That there isn't one, as of today. I had my period. I couldn't believe it. He still wanted to marry me. -That there isn't one, as of today. I had my period. I couldn't believe it. He still wanted to marry me. And you turned him down?? -And you turned him down?? Of course. I don't want no Okie from Muscogee. I can get that right here in Port Angeles. -You little bitch! How could you? Was there ever a baby, Lynette? That's all I want to know! Did you make up that baby, Lynette? Did you?? Of course there was a baby. I'd never lie about something like that. Would I, Paula? -Hey, what kind of name is Pokrifki? Polish. What kind of name is Mayo? -Polish. What kind of name is Mayo? Italian. My mom was Irish. I got her ears. But the rest is all wop. -Italian. My mom was Irish. I got her ears. But the rest is all wop. Where are you from, Mayo the Wop? -Where are you from, Mayo the Wop? Everywhere and nowhere, Paula the Polack. -Everywhere and nowhere, Paula the Polack. Seriously. -Seriously. My father is a Rear Admiral in the Seventh Fleet. -My father is a Rear Admiral in the Seventh Fleet. Really? -Really? Yeah. We've lived all over the world. Katmandu, Moscow, Nairobi. -Yeah. We've lived all over the world. Katmandu, Moscow, Nairobi. Really? I've never been out of Washington except once when I visited this aunt of mine over to Portland. I mean, over at Portland. Ain't it pathetic the way folks talk around here? -You got a girl? No, and I'm not looking for one either. -I hear most of the girls who come to these things are looking for a husband. Not me. -Not me. Yeah? Why're you here? -Yeah? Why're you here? To meet interesting people, improve myself. You wouldn't believe the losers we got over in Port Angeles. -To meet interesting people, improve myself. You wouldn't believe the losers we got over in Port Angeles. Do you go to school? -Do you go to school? No. I work for National Paper. It's a good job. I make eight-twenty-three an hour. When I get enough money saved, I plan to go on to college. -Think you'll make it all the way to getting your wings? Who knows? Guys a lot smarter than me are dropping out like flies. -Who knows? Guys a lot smarter than me are dropping out like flies. Just think 'I'm gonna do it!' Program yourself. See yourself making it. It'll happen. I know 'cause I just read this article in Cosmo, and it was about that very thing. -Just think 'I'm gonna do it!' Program yourself. See yourself making it. It'll happen. I know 'cause I just read this article in Cosmo, and it was about that very thing. You're a very pretty girl, Paula. -I think we're making some of the locals jealous. Who cares? Mmmm. Now I remember. Mayo the Wop. Gee, I'm glad you're here. I've been looking forward to this all week. -Who cares? Mmmm. Now I remember. Mayo the Wop. Gee, I'm glad you're here. I've been looking forward to this all week. Me, too. -I vote for the motel. My kinda group! -I shouldn't have done that. I should've walked. He didn't give you much choice. -He didn't give you much choice. There's always a choice. -There's always a choice. Where'd you learn to fight like that? -Where'd you learn to fight like that? I don't feel like talking, if you don't mind. -I don't feel like talking, if you don't mind. Opening up just a little wouldn't kill you, ya know. -You want me to fuck you? Is that it? Okay, come here. Take your clothes off. Get into bed. Where's that coming from? I wouldn't fuck now if my life depended on it! -Where's that coming from? I wouldn't fuck now if my life depended on it! Forget it. Just get out of here. -I don't know who you think you're talking to! I ain't some whore you brought here! I've been trying to be your friend and you treat me like shit! Be a friend. Leave. -Be a friend. Leave. You got no manners and you never tell the truth! You're nothin' special. And if you ask me, you got no chance at all of being an officer! -You stayed after all. Wrong. I've driven a hundred and twenty miles, told a hundred and twenty lies, and said a hundred and twenty Hail Mary's since I saw you. Hungry? -Wrong. I've driven a hundred and twenty miles, told a hundred and twenty lies, and said a hundred and twenty Hail Mary's since I saw you. Hungry? I'm starving. -Paula, I never try to fool anybody about who I am, what I want... so if even in the back of your -- I know who you are and what you want. -I know who you are and what you want. What do you want, Paula? What do you really want? -What do you want, Paula? What do you really want? To have a good time with you until you have to go. -To have a good time with you until you have to go. That's it? -Zack, I dare you not to fall in love with me. I ain't gonna get serious with you, no way. But how can you resist me? I'm like candy. You're better than candy. -You're better than candy. I'm serious. It's gonna be hard to get enough. -Zack, when you're through with a girl, what do you do? Do you say something or do you just... disappear? I've never had a girl. -I forgot to thank you for breakfast. Any time, sailor. -That was great. It sure was. -Want me to get a towel? I'll get it if you want. -I'll get it if you want. I don't want you to move. -I don't want you to move. I don't want to move. But somebody has to move sometime. Eventually. -I don't want to move. But somebody has to move sometime. Eventually. They found them like that, shriveled up from weeks without food or water... -You know, sometimes I wish I was one of those girls they're letting in the flight program these days. God, I'd love to fly. What's stopping you? -I don't care what the magazines say... it's just not as easy being a girl, especially from a Catholic family. You don't know the junk I grew up listening to, 'bout the way women are supposed to think and act. That's no excuse for not going after what you want. -That's no excuse for not going after what you want. Who says I'm not going after what I want? My mother's thirty-nine years old and she still works in that factory. Every time I see her, I know exactly what I don't want. -My old lady swallowed a bottle of pills one day while I was at school. God. -God. The thing that really got to me... she didn't leave a note. Nothing. I've always hated her for that. -The thing that really got to me... she didn't leave a note. Nothing. I've always hated her for that. Does it still hurt? -Does it still hurt? Naw. You're alone in this world no matter what kinda folks or background you had. Nothing hurts, pard, once you got that one down. -I'm sorry. I can't sit with you. I understand. Maybe we'll see each other after the show... -What's the matter? Nothing. Go back to the show, Paula. -Nothing. Go back to the show, Paula. I've seen all that a hundred times. -I've seen all that a hundred times. Hey, will you just leave me alone? -Come on. Invite me. All day the idea of a family Sunday dinner's been coming into my head. Since you're the only one I know around here with family... Zack, I don't know if I want to do that... -Hey, what about Sunday dinner? When're you gonna let me know? When I'm good and ready. -Hi. Are those for me? -Are those for me? No, they're for your mom. -I'm so embarrassed. I knew I shouldn't have brought you here. No, it's okay. It was a great free meal. Everybody was so uptight I felt sorry for you. -No, it's okay. It was a great free meal. Everybody was so uptight I felt sorry for you. That's okay. I'm used to it. -So, after you graduate you go on to basic flight, right? Is that in Pensacola? Yeah, then if I get jets, it's on to Beeville, Texas. -Zack, do you ever think about what it'd be like to have kids... a family. No. Is that what you want? -No. Is that what you want? Some day. When I'm sure I can do a better job of it than my folks. -Some day. When I'm sure I can do a better job of it than my folks. What would you do differently? -What would you do differently? For a start, I wouldn't marry a man I wasn't in love with. -For a start, I wouldn't marry a man I wasn't in love with. Why'd your mom marry that guy if she didn't love him? -Why'd your mom marry that guy if she didn't love him? Because my real father wouldn't marry her. -Because my real father wouldn't marry her. Your real father? -Your real father was an Officer candidate like me? Twenty-two years ago. -Twenty-two years ago. No wonder he was looking at me like that. -Call me during the week if you get the chance. I'll try, but this week we go into survival training, so I can't make any promises. Well, thanks again for dinner. Thank your mom again for me, will you? -I'll try, but this week we go into survival training, so I can't make any promises. Well, thanks again for dinner. Thank your mom again for me, will you? Sure. Zack, I hope you know I didn't have to show you that picture. -Sure. Zack, I hope you know I didn't have to show you that picture. I know that. -I'm looking for Sid. So? -So? Paula, he DORed and nobody's seen him. -Paula, he DORed and nobody's seen him. Why'd he do it? -Why'd he do it? Hey! You know goddamn well what happened so let's not play any games, okay? -Hey! You know goddamn well what happened so let's not play any games, okay? I'm not playing any games! Go look at Lynette's! -I'm not playing any games! Go look at Lynette's! I don't know where that is. -I'd like to come with you. Why? -Why? Because he's my friend, too. -Please stop it. None of that's true. Goddamnit, I love you. I loved you ever since I met you. Come on, Paula! You were looking for a ticket out of here and you didn't care who it was, any more than you cared with the last class of candidates you and Lynette fucked your way through, looking for a husband! Or the class before that! -Come on, Paula! You were looking for a ticket out of here and you didn't care who it was, any more than you cared with the last class of candidates you and Lynette fucked your way through, looking for a husband! Or the class before that! Yeah. You got the whole story just right. -Yeah. You got the whole story just right. Beware of the Puget Debs -- and we all laughed, especially him. -Beware of the Puget Debs -- and we all laughed, especially him. I'm not a Puget Deb. I hate that goddamn term! -I'm not a Puget Deb. I hate that goddamn term! I bet you do! -I bet you do! However you got it figured, I didn't kill Sid and Lynette didn't kill him! He killed himself! -However you got it figured, I didn't kill Sid and Lynette didn't kill him! He killed himself! That's brilliant. -That's brilliant. Maybe not, but it is the truth. And Zack, you didn't kill him either. -How do you figure that's your bunk? He said it's up to us and I got here first, didn't I? -Two bucks a buckle, Perryman. Look at that shine! Boonies'll cost you five. Who's got two bucks? It's costing me every penny they pay us just to keep my old Lady and my kids in that motel. -Hey, man, is the piss-ass money you're making off this worth the risk of getting us all kicked out of here on an honor violation? I don't notice anyone else complaining. -I'll never get it polished in time. Give me a buckle, Zack. I can't risk it. -I can't risk it. You'd make it. He's just getting to the girls. Come on, Zack. I gotta see my family, man. I couldn't take it if he keeps me here over the weekend. -You'd make it. He's just getting to the girls. Come on, Zack. I gotta see my family, man. I couldn't take it if he keeps me here over the weekend. Sorry, pard. Wouldn't want you to get an honor violation. -I see you didn't DOR, Mayo. Hey, Sid, thanks. -Hey, do you guys ever... feel like you don't belong here...? Yeah. All week long. -How about that prick! He told me he wasn't officer material because he grew up poor like me. He said he grew up poor? -He said he grew up poor? The kid on the windy side of the baker's window. That's how he put it. -The kid on the windy side of the baker's window. That's how he put it. Foley's not poor. Buddy of mine in oh-four told me he's the son of a rich doctor down in Louisiana. -That Foley looks like he's been through a war or two. I've seen better. -Think there's any truth to what he was saying about those girls? Is that still going on? Sure it is, Sweet Pea, but he should've warned you 'scuzzy' female types about the 'Puget Dudes.' They'll tell you they're wearing a rubber but they've bit a little hole in the end. -Jets. I hate to tell you guys, but only two out of every class make it into jets. Which one of you is going with me? -Hey, you gonna tell anybody about this? Not if you make it worth my while. How about free boonies for the duration? -You told us it would grow out an inch. It's grown out more than an inch, sweetheart. -Could you believe those girls! 'Nellie's Nymphos!' -'Nellie's Nymphos!' Jesus, that Lynette! I rode her hard and put her up wet. -Look at Foley! Can you believe it! Shhhh... -Nice, hospitable folks they get around here. I hope she comes. She'll come, pard. A rich socialite Oakie like you oughta be a big catch around these parts. -She'll come, pard. A rich socialite Oakie like you oughta be a big catch around these parts. Get off my case, Mayo. I didn't grow up rich. -You okay? Sure. -Hey, you guys still awake? Yeah. -What's the matter, Sweet Pea. Foley finally starting to get to you? Naw. -That isn't true, is it? A little. -I kid you not, Mayo, I am in love. We must've set a new indoor record today. You want to know how many times we did it? You'd better get smart, man. It's time to walk away. -You'd better get smart, man. It's time to walk away. What? You've gotta be kidding! -What? You've gotta be kidding! Remember what Foley said? His little warning? Those are the girls he was talking about. They're out to marry us any way they can. -Remember what Foley said? His little warning? Those are the girls he was talking about. They're out to marry us any way they can. I don't believe that. They're just having a good time, same as us. -I don't believe that. They're just having a good time, same as us. That's what they want you to think, but I saw where she lived, what is she's trying to get away from. Just take my word for it, pard. Break it off now. Do it this week. -Thanks for covering for me. No problem, but who's Susan? -No problem, but who's Susan? My girl back home. We're supposed to get married after I get my wings. She was Tommy's girl. They were engaged to be married before he died. I should've told you about her. I don't know why I didn't, except I didn't want you to think I was a shit for making it with Lynette. -My girl back home. We're supposed to get married after I get my wings. She was Tommy's girl. They were engaged to be married before he died. I should've told you about her. I don't know why I didn't, except I didn't want you to think I was a shit for making it with Lynette. I'm not your folks, man. You love this... Susan? -I'm not your folks, man. You love this... Susan? She's the sweetest person I've ever known. Loves kids. Works with handicapped kids every afternoon at the church. Everybody loves her. -She's the sweetest person I've ever known. Loves kids. Works with handicapped kids every afternoon at the church. Everybody loves her. I didn't ask you all that, Sweet Pea. I asked if you loved her. -I didn't ask you all that, Sweet Pea. I asked if you loved her. Listen, I'm not going to go to that little reunion party. I'm meeting Lynette at the motel. Best head in fifty-two states. After three days of survival training, how could I resist? -You should've done what I did. A clean break. Lynette told me it really tore her up when you didn't call this week. -Talk to me in the morning. I feel like shit. But it can't wait. -Calm down, Sweet Pea. She seen a doctor? No, but she's gotta be at least a month late. -No, but she's gotta be at least a month late. Doesn't mean shit. Get her to a doctor. You can't do anything until you hear what he says. Make the appointment yourself. -It's a big religious thing with her and she won't even discuss it. But she expects you to marry her? -But she expects you to marry her? She said it was up to me. If I don't, she'll go off and have the baby on her own somewhere. -So what's the problem? Girls do that all the time. I can't let her go off and have the kid by herself and not do anything. If it's my kid, too, then I've got a responsibility, don't I? -I can't let her go off and have the kid by herself and not do anything. If it's my kid, too, then I've got a responsibility, don't I? Not if she won't even talk about an abortion. -Not if she won't even talk about an abortion. But it would still be my kid. That's the point. -But it would still be my kid. That's the point. Do you know that for sure? -Do you know that for sure? It's mine. -Okay, but what if it's like Foley said and she got knocked up, to trap you -- is it still your responsibility? "No matter how it happened, if she goes ahead and has it"" Zack, there'll be a child in the world that's mine -- and I couldn't go through life knowing that and not knowing its name or where it lived." -"No matter how it happened, if she goes ahead and has it"" Zack, there'll be a child in the world that's mine -- and I couldn't go through life knowing that and not knowing its name or where it lived." Jesus Christ, Sid! Is everything your responsibility? -Sid, what happened? I don't know... I felt like... like I was suffocating... Christ, Zack... I was so scared... so godddamn scared... -He's right, Zack. It doesn't matter. Just like that it's all over? With less than two weeks to go, you're out? -Please, Zack -- go back to the barracks! I don't get it! He's the best candidate in our class! Ask anyone! The best student! The best leader! The best friend to everybody! Couldn't you bend your goddamn standards just a little? -I don't get it! He's the best candidate in our class! Ask anyone! The best student! The best leader! The best friend to everybody! Couldn't you bend your goddamn standards just a little? Zack, it wasn't him! He didn't ask me to D.O.R. I came to him on my own. I'm glad it's over, Zack. I really mean that. He was right. I wasn't doing this for me. -What? A woman and a little girl, both asleep upstairs. -You're fuckin' A we can do this. Not with me. Not with people. -No problem. I don't want Raoul to administrate that part. -You're welcome. Peace out. -What if she called the cops? She didn't. -What the fuck is funny about this? God. -God. There is not one thing funny here. -There is not one thing funny here. Who else but God could think this shit up? I spend ten years building those fucking rooms to keep people out, now I gotta figure out how to get in. God, man, He just loves the irony. -So what the fuck are we supposed to do?! Make her come out. And when she does, that's when we gotta be careful. She can't get out of this house. She can't even think she can get out of this house. We just keep them here and keep them quiet for forty-five minutes. And I don't want Joe Pesci here standing over them with his fat sweaty finger on the trigger. That's a sure way for us to end up with two dead bodies and little puffs of smoke burning out of our heads up in Greenhaven. So we're gonna seal the place up. They wanna hole up in here? Fine, we'll help 'em. Make it impossible for them to leave. Once they come out of that room. -He said open it. Just sending a message. She'll get the point. -You should see the look on your face. The fuck did you do that for?! -The fuck did you do that for?! Fuckin' asshole, thinks he knows me. Drives his German car up to 125th Street a couple of times, buys a few rounds, thinks he's a tough guy, thinks he knows me. You don't know one thing about me! -Stop it! Stop it! Who's the clown now? Huh?! Who's the fucking clown now?! -Me. I am. That's right. -That's right. Burning me. It's burning my eye. -Burning me. It's burning my eye. I have the gun. -I have the gun. Yes. -Yes. Remember that. -Remember that. Please... -What? What do you want me to do? What do you think? Get us into that room. -What do you think? Get us into that room. I can't. -You can. You're full of ideas. You just need to squeeze one out. I can't... -I can't... You got till the count of three. Then you end up like him. -One. Squeeze. This is ridiculous... -This is ridiculous... Two. Squeeze harder. -Two. Squeeze harder. I can't just... -I can't just... Th -- -Th -- Okay, okay! Okay. -Okay, okay! Okay. You got an idea? -You got an idea? Yeah. Yeah, I got an idea. I gotta check something. -Are you okay? Hurry up, for Christ's sake! -The hell does she want? I don't know, she keeps screamin' the same thing over and over. -Yeah, just like a half hour, maybe a little more, and your mom'll give it to you. You can wait a half hour, can't you? Yeah. She can. She's fine, she's just like, tired, she's gotta rest. You rest, Kid. Half an hour. -You're wasting your fucking time, man, you're wasting my time. You don't know how to do this, and the longer we stay in here, the more likely she's gonna lose it and call the cops! Are you gonna open the safe? -She's fuckin' crazy, she killed the kid! She just killed her own kid! It's not her fault, it's not her fault, the guy must have called them. Look, look, look, she's telling us. -She's gonna handle it. She better. -That's your problem. That's their problem. -Let me fucking finish this so we can get out of here. You finish. Then we finish. --- posed to mean? You're here with me, you're already on the hook for one. Buy one, you get the rest for the same price. You know that. -You're here with me, you're already on the hook for one. Buy one, you get the rest for the same price. You know that. Get the fuck away from me. -Get the fuck away from me. The kid in here. The other two when we come out. -Bullshit. You know how this gotta end. -The walls are steel, right? Not that one. -Not that one. NOT THAT ONE?! -NOT THAT ONE?! Hey man, it's the neighbor's house, who breaks in through the neighbor's house?! -WHO THE FUCK BREAKS IN THROUGH THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE?! We've got the Kid! WE'VE GOT YOUR KID!! What the fuck is she thinking?! -We've got the Kid! WE'VE GOT YOUR KID!! What the fuck is she thinking?! She's got your gun, that's what she's thinking! The FUCK you had to bring a gun for?! -YOU KNOW HOW THIS IS GONNA GO! FUCK YOU, I'M GONE! -Fuck. I know. -Fuck! Keep your voice down. -Keep your voice down. They're not supposed to be here! -They're not supposed to be here! This was your department, Junior. -This was your department, Junior. They're not supposed to be here! -They're not supposed to be here! That's why the key didn't work, they changed the locks. -That's why the key didn't work, they changed the locks. Fourteen day escrow, man, that's almost three weeks! They shouldn't be here for another week! They don't own this house yet! -Fourteen day escrow, man, that's almost three weeks! They shouldn't be here for another week! They don't own this house yet! Exactly how is fourteen days almost three weeks? -Exactly how is fourteen days almost three weeks? Fourteen business days. Escrow is always business days. -I mean, right? Isn't it? You're an idiot. -Who is this guy? Raoul is cool. That's all you need to know. -Raoul is cool. That's all you need to know. This is insane. I'm outta here. -Unless Daddy comes back later. Daddy's not coming back, she's in the middle of a divorce, it's just the two of them. We're okay, here. We can do this, right? -Forty-five minutes. That's all you said you need. That's like nothing. She'll call the cops, they'll be here before I get unpacked. -She'll call the cops, they'll be here before I get unpacked. So we keep an eye on her. Raoul can totally administrate that part. -They won't get hurt. What about us? What if she has a gun? -What about us? What if she has a gun? Raoul, what in God's name do we do if she has a gun? -Asshole. A guy shows you a gun, Burnham, and you insult him? Hey, who's the idiot? Huh? -A guy shows you a gun, Burnham, and you insult him? Hey, who's the idiot? Huh? Where did you get this clown? -Where did you get this clown? I met him at the tables, same as you. And frankly, I'm grateful we have a little muscle right about now. -I met him at the tables, same as you. And frankly, I'm grateful we have a little muscle right about now. What tables? I've never seen him before. -What tables? I've never seen him before. Different tables. -Different tables. The fuck did you bring a gun for? -It's still a good plan. It's just... got a twist. Yeah. Kidnapping. -Yeah. Kidnapping. Not if we keep 'em here. You can't kidnap somebody in their own house. It's just breaking and entering, unless we take 'em someplace. Or something like that, I'm pretty sure. -Not if we keep 'em here. You can't kidnap somebody in their own house. It's just breaking and entering, unless we take 'em someplace. Or something like that, I'm pretty sure. Pure idiot. -Pure idiot. I am. I'm an idiot's son. An idiot's grandson. I'm third- generation idiot. But for once in my life I had a good idea, and I'm not giving up so easy. You are? Are you actually telling me that for the first time in your life you're gonna throw your cards on the table and go home early? I can't believe my eyes. Fourteen million dollars upstairs, Burnham. You'll be out of the hole. Baby, you'll be so far out of the hole you could draw bricks every night for the next twenty years and still shit green. Come on, Buddy. One more hand. -Got her right where you want her, Junior. Shut up. -Shut up. When you said you'd let 'em go I thought she'd come running right out for sure. -When you said you'd let 'em go I thought she'd come running right out for sure. Shut up and let me think. -I'm afraid to let you think, Junior. Things get worse when you think. Oh, that's gonna help. Okay, fuckball, you think. What are we gonna do? -She said she did. She lied. Cops woulda been here by now if she called 'em. Besides, Junior cut the phones. -Yes. Yes, it's all terrible ironic and amusing. You fuck. Now how are you gonna get us into that room? Can't. Whole point. Can't get in the room. -Open it. I did. -Be quiet. We're trying to scare them, not kill them! -We're trying to scare them, not kill them! They're coughing. -They're coughing. They're gonna die in there! -They're gonna die in there! Nobody is gonna die, man, will you please have the balls to follow through with a good idea? Think about it, what would you do if you were them, stay in there and choke to death, or come out?! Huh? We're just getting them to come out for forty-five minutes, forty-five fucking minutes! The worst that's gonna happen is they pass out, we drag 'em out here into the fresh air, and they'll be fine. -Nobody is gonna die, man, will you please have the balls to follow through with a good idea? Think about it, what would you do if you were them, stay in there and choke to death, or come out?! Huh? We're just getting them to come out for forty-five minutes, forty-five fucking minutes! The worst that's gonna happen is they pass out, we drag 'em out here into the fresh air, and they'll be fine. Junior, you gigantic idiot, how are we supposed to get into the room if they pass out? -Cell phone. Shit! -She's never coming out. Hey. -Hey. And we're never getting in. -And we're never getting in. Do me a favor and don't talk. -Do me a favor and don't talk. Jesus, what was I thinking? -Hey man, after all we went through I am not walking out when we're this close. Close? Are you insane? We're nowhere near close! Fuck this, I'll make an anonymous phone call on Monday, they'll find the floor safe, and I'll inherit the shit. Little piece of it, anyway, it's better than nothing. -Close? Are you insane? We're nowhere near close! Fuck this, I'll make an anonymous phone call on Monday, they'll find the floor safe, and I'll inherit the shit. Little piece of it, anyway, it's better than nothing. What about us? -We're not leaving. I'm getting in that room, and I'm opening that safe. Lookin' doubtful there, Big Guy, but ten out of ten for attitude. -You walk out that door and you lose your share of the money. Yeah, whatever. -Yeah, whatever. I mean it! -I mean it! Adios. -Yeah? Everything okay? -Everything okay? Huh? -'Bout four o'clock. I don't get it. -Somebody called you? Can we come in? -Can we come in? What do you want? -What do you want? We'd like to come in. -We'd like to come in. No, you can't come in. -Can we come in? Stop asking me that. I'm fine. Who called you? -Stop asking me that. I'm fine. Who called you? You don't look so good. -You don't look so good. You wake me out of a sound sleep at four in the morning and then tell me I look like hell? Of course I look like hell, you don't look so hot yourself, Jack. I'm freezing here, thank you for checking, can I go? -"Your husband says you said ""There are three..."" right before you got cut off." Oh, that phone call... -May I ask what the rest of that sentence was going to be? Huh? -Huh? "The sentence that started ""There are three."" What was the rest?" -One day you will learn to respect other people's time, Lydia, one day you -- Evan, I am so sorry, you were a saint to wait for us! -I don't have to tell you there is an acute shortage of living space in Manhattan right now and this is a highly unique property. No ball, kid. -Third floor, spare bedroom, den, what have you. Mr. Pearlstine used it as an office. He's talking about Bernard Pearlstine. -Master bath. The hotel guy? It's been in the papers lately. His kids are all suing each other over his estate. He was a total recluse, paranoid, rich as hell, he was worth thirty million or something, now it turns out they can't find half of it. Somebody took something didn't belong to them! -The hotel guy? It's been in the papers lately. His kids are all suing each other over his estate. He was a total recluse, paranoid, rich as hell, he was worth thirty million or something, now it turns out they can't find half of it. Somebody took something didn't belong to them! I hardly see how family gossip is germane to showing the property. -I hardly see how family gossip is germane to showing the property. Stop calling it the property, you sound ridiculous. -Stop calling it the property, you sound ridiculous. Master closet. -Could the child please stop that? KID! NO ELEVATOR! -Oh, I've seen these... It's quite in vogue in high end construction right now. One really can't be too careful about home invasion. -Hey, this is perfect for you... Absolutely! You're a woman, you're living alone now. Your alarm goes off, or you head glass break, or for whatever reason you think someone's broken into your home in the middle of the night. What are you going to do? Call the police and wait until they get here on Tuesday? Traipse downstairs in your sexy little underthings and check it out? I think not! Reinforced steel core walls. Buried phone line, completely separate, not connected to the house's main line and never exposed throughout the house's infrastructure or outside the house -- you can call the police; nobody can cut you off. Your own ventilation system, complete with oxygen scrubber, so you've got plenty of fresh air for as long as you like. And a bank of video monitors -- -That door is a safely hazard. Not at all. -Working elevator. Mr. Pearlstine, the previous owner, was disabled the last ten years of his life. Highly unusual, the elevator, you will not find this in ninety percent of brownstones. Will they take asking price? I need a two week escrow and I'm already approved for the loan. -A what? A safe room. An inner sanctum. A castle keep, in medieval times. -Everything's spring-loaded, even if the power's out it's fully functional. Open it. -That's highly inappropriate. I said open the door. -Push that button for me, will you? Don't! -Watch your mouth. It's okay, Raoul. -Wait a minute, wait a minute. We can still handle this. Can we still handle this? It's just the woman and the kid? -Cut it back a little bit. No fucking way. -No fucking way. He's right, we can't get into the room if they're dead! -We're not gonna do anything about him, he's fine. If you think I'm gonna let my half of the fourteen million bucks slip away because of -- -If you think I'm gonna let my half of the fourteen million bucks slip away because of -- """Half?"" What did you, take a nap in math class? Three people, three shares, one third. Four point six six six repeating." -"""Half?"" What did you, take a nap in math class? Three people, three shares, one third. Four point six six six repeating." I'm just saying, the man is a problem. And he's your problem. Wasn't me idea to bring him along. -I'm just saying, the man is a problem. And he's your problem. Wasn't me idea to bring him along. "That's right, Raoul, it wasn't your idea, none of this was your idea, it was mine, it's my family we're ripping off, it's my prick grandfather who built that fucking room, it was my idea to get the plans, I found the floor safe, and it was my idea to ask a guy who builds these rooms to help break into one! Me, me, me, I, I, I, at no point did I say ""you"" or Raoul,"" got it?" -"That's right, Raoul, it wasn't your idea, none of this was your idea, it was mine, it's my family we're ripping off, it's my prick grandfather who built that fucking room, it was my idea to get the plans, I found the floor safe, and it was my idea to ask a guy who builds these rooms to help break into one! Me, me, me, I, I, I, at no point did I say ""you"" or Raoul,"" got it?" He puts his hands on me again I'll bury a slug in his ear. -He puts his hands on me again I'll bury a slug in his ear. No, you will not, because without Burnham there's no way in hell we're gonna get into that safe, so as far as I'm concerned he can paint your ass blue and run it up a flagpole and you won't lay a finger on him, you understand me? -No, you will not, because without Burnham there's no way in hell we're gonna get into that safe, so as far as I'm concerned he can paint your ass blue and run it up a flagpole and you won't lay a finger on him, you understand me? Don't take no tone of voice with me, Homes. -Don't take no tone of voice with me, Homes. "What is this shit you're talking all of a sudden? You're a bus driver, ""Homes,"" you live in Flatbush, so please don't start spouting some Elmore Leonard shit you just heard because I saw that movie too," -We're leaving. The hell we are. -Suit yourself. Nobody leaves. -Nobody leaves. Observe. --- seventeen feet wide, fifty-five feet deep, forty-two hundred square feet, four floors with a rentable basement apartment, so five altogether, courtyard in back -- Could you slow down a little? Or we could wait for the car... -Could you slow down a little? Or we could wait for the car... No cars. Feet are faster. -No cars. Feet are faster. How many more do we have after this? -How many more do we have after this? None, there's nothing else, you know how tight the market is. -None, there's nothing else, you know how tight the market is. This is it? I told you on the phone, I have to be moved in in two weeks. Sarah, please don't bounce that here. -Something's weird. What? -What? I don't know, doesn't that corner seem funny to you? -Makes me nervous. Why? -Why? Ever read any Poe? -Ever read any Poe? I don't think so, but I love her album. -I don't think so, but I love her album. No, Edgar Allen. -No, Edgar Allen. The furniture guy? -The furniture guy? What's to keep them from prying open the door? -Old Bernie didn't miss a trick with this room, did he? Open the door. -Open the door. And with kids like he's got, no wonder he wanted a place to hide. -Too many stairs. Got us in here, didn't I? -Got us in here, didn't I? Shoulda got an apartment. -Shoulda got an apartment. Well, I know that now. -Well, I know that now. 478-0150. -The phone works. Hey, I hooked up the phone. The crowd goes wild. -The crowd goes wild. 478... -478... 0150. -Fuck him. Don't. -Don't. Fuck her too. -What's going on?! People. In the house. -He's going down. That room! -That room! What?! -What?! PANIC ROOM! -Damn it! It doesn't work?! -It doesn't work?! Different phone line, I never hooked it up! -Can't hear a thing. What do they want? -What do they want? I don't know. Rob us. I don't know. -What do we do? Wait. -Wait. What if they get in here? -What if they get in here? They can't. They can't get in here. No. They can't. -They can't. They can't get in here. No. They can't. I heard you. -I heard you. Feel okay? -Feel okay? Yeah. -Yeah. Shaky? -Shaky? Nope. -Nope. Chills? -Chills? Huh uh. -"""What we want is in that room.""" They're coming in here, aren't they? -They're coming in here, aren't they? No, I told you, they can't. It's not a possibility. -We're not coming out. We're not letting you in. Get out of my house. Say fuck. -Say fuck. Fuck. -Fuck. """Get the fuck out of my house.""" -"""Get the fuck out of my house.""" Get the fuck out of my house! -Oh, please. Give me a break. -Are you freaking out? Little bit. Yeah. -Small space? Don't though. -Why did the chicken cross the road? What am I, a five year old? -What am I, a five year old? Why did the chicken cross the road? -Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, why? -I don't know, why? To prove he wasn't chicken. -YOU CAN'T DO THAT! YOU CAN'T FREAK OUT LIKE THAT! YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE WITH ME! I am. I'm here. -I am. I'm here. YOU HAVE TO! -YOU HAVE TO! I'm here. I'm here. -What, what, what is it?! On the floor! Get on the floor! -Morse code? Dot dot dot, dash dash dash, dot dot dot. -Dot dot dot, dash dash dash, dot dot dot. Where'd you learn S.O.S.? -Where'd you learn S.O.S.? """Titanic.""" -Got him! Come on, come on... -We're never getting out of here. Shhh... -Do it. Yeah, but where's the third guy? -Yeah, but where's the third guy? Not in the bedroom. Do it! -If it looks like I can't get back, just close the door. No. -No. Close it! -What are you doing? I saw something, I saw... -Strip 'em, expose the ends, try blue first, blue is phones! Blue is phones? -Blue is phones? Yes, no, I don't know, do 'em all! -Call Dad! On it! -He'll do something. Uh uh. -Uh uh. "He'll know we're in trouble. He heard me, I said ""There are three...""" -"He'll know we're in trouble. He heard me, I said ""There are three...""" He won't even know who it was. -He won't even know who it was. What would you think, in the middle of the night? I mean, three what, three bears? He'll call the police. -What would you think, in the middle of the night? I mean, three what, three bears? He'll call the police. Stop it. -Stop it. He's just across the park, this is why we got places so close to each other, in case we needed each other, we're still a family, he'll help us... -He's just across the park, this is why we got places so close to each other, in case we needed each other, we're still a family, he'll help us... He -- -He -- He WILL. -I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Why? -Why? I was trying not to tell you... -I was trying not to tell you... What? -What? I'm dizzy and thirsty. -Okay, listen, honey, you went double digit here, you must have been shooting out adrenaline like crazy, we gotta bring your blood sugar back up, okay? Can you hear me? I'm dizzy, not deaf. -I'm dizzy, not deaf. Hey, she's still a smart ass, excellent sign. Did you see any sugar in here? Any candy bars, anything sweet? -Hey, she's still a smart ass, excellent sign. Did you see any sugar in here? Any candy bars, anything sweet? Huh uh. -Huh uh. Okay, you just gotta calm yourself down, that's all, just stay calm and your adrenaline will go back to normal and you'll be fine. -Okay, you just gotta calm yourself down, that's all, just stay calm and your adrenaline will go back to normal and you'll be fine. What if I keep dropping? -What if I keep dropping? Not an option. -Not an option. What if I do? -What if I spazz out? No biggie, we've been through it a dozen times, I just jab you with the Glucogen. -Where is the Glucogen? Oh, you know, it's uh... it's in the little fridge in your room. -Oh, you know, it's uh... it's in the little fridge in your room. I'm sorry, Mom. -I'm sorry, Mom. Hey, quit apologizing, you're starting to sound like Grandma. You're not gonna have an attack. Okay? -Hey, quit apologizing, you're starting to sound like Grandma. You're not gonna have an attack. Okay? Okay. -Alma!? I uhh I don't think... What do you mean? We're black ain't we? And we care about improving the plight of out people don't we? Or you figure oppression stops at that thing dangling between your legs! -What do you mean? We're black ain't we? And we care about improving the plight of out people don't we? Or you figure oppression stops at that thing dangling between your legs! Uhh... I with it sister but... -Uhh... I with it sister but... "But nothing, we want full fledged membership in the Black Panther Party... and none of this ""Okay sugah as long as you stay in the background washing my socks and rubbing my feet"" bullshit either!" -Little Bobby... Just a kid... They're hurting us, baby. Huey locked up. Bobby Seale running all over the country holding things together. Cy dead. Little Bobby... I don't recognize half the faces at meetings. -Tyrone... Oh shit Alma... you're... -Oh shit Alma... you're... I'm okay... listen to me... Let's go with Judge, check it out. -I'm okay... listen to me... Let's go with Judge, check it out. What?!? Don't tell me you're buying this? -Those ain't cops. And they sure ain't from the neighborhood. Figure Sabu's in there? -Alma I told you to... Fuck that, we've got company... -No... You gotta. You gotta stay alive. You know what they were trying to do here. You got the pigs dead to rights. It's like Huey said, you're more important than any of us. -Okay now, er, Huey, so what's your telephone number? I have confirmed to you my address, that's all I'm required to by law to do. We have broken no law. -I have confirmed to you my address, that's all I'm required to by law to do. We have broken no law. What are you doing with the gun? -What are you doing with the gun? What are doing with yours?. -Lemme see that rifle son... No! This is my private property. According to California law we have a constitutional right to bear arms. -Well... is it loaded? "I tell you ""officer"", it wasn't..." -For the last time Boy!!! What do those guns mean??!! They mean, Pig!, that the Black Panther Party declares that if you try to brutalize our community or take our weapons. We are going to shoot you!!! -Free? We're back where we started. Shit we still don't have a stop light. Well as the Rev says, God helps those who help themselves. We'll be our own stoplight. -Well if anyone's gonna protect Malcolm's legacy it better be us. Damn straight... Let's go check out these Paper Panthers. -This brothers is gonna be a colossal event. We'll shut the mother down right at the capitol, in front of the cameras. Will you cool it? What's up man? What it be Bobby? What it be is, You aren't coming with us. -What it be is, You aren't coming with us. What? We're the leadership, you and me. There ain't enough of us to... -What? We're the leadership, you and me. There ain't enough of us to... That's just it Huey. The pigs don't know how many Panthers there are. Both of us show and they might start putting 2 and 2 together. We're not even two hundred strong yet... but we got 'em guessing thousands. -That's just it Huey. The pigs don't know how many Panthers there are. Both of us show and they might start putting 2 and 2 together. We're not even two hundred strong yet... but we got 'em guessing thousands. I hear you. Alright. I'll go, you stay. -You got six months to donate to the party, Bobby? You know it brother. -You got to sit on Eldridge... Man, El-Rage is El-Rage. You know him. -Man, El-Rage is El-Rage. You know him. Yeah, I do, but he's gotta cool it... -Huey!! Man you gotta check this out... You're gonna love... Hold up a second... We got a decision to make. -Hold up a second... We got a decision to make. What's up? -What's up? Dig it, you know those brothers over in San Fran... call themselves the Black Panthers too? -Dig it, you know those brothers over in San Fran... call themselves the Black Panthers too? "Sure, those boojie jokers don't do anything except print up a lotta paper saying ""Black is Beautiful.""" -...The police report says he was shot three times but the coroner's report says quite clearly that Denzil Dowell was shot six times. And two of those shots were in his armpits. Brothers and Sisters you know why that is? Because Denzil had his hands up!! No more police brutality! WHAT DO WE WANT? -Yeah... Sounds like the Constitution to me. With a little of the Bill of Rights thrown in... Inspector Brimmer, this is no joke During your surveillance have you seen any outside agitators? Professorial types? Communists? -Inspector Brimmer, this is no joke During your surveillance have you seen any outside agitators? Professorial types? Communists? No. I've seen Black men handing out bags of food. Having meetings. Patrolling the neighborhood. Having more meetings. They ain't... -No. I've seen Black men handing out bags of food. Having meetings. Patrolling the neighborhood. Having more meetings. They ain't... They are carrying guns. They are threatening police officers. They are undermining the United States of America. And you Inspector Brimmer are not taking your duties seriously... -Like? Like, you Inspector Brimmer are not going to be sitting in your car anymore. I think it's time for a more active type of involvement. -What the fuck? Brimmer! Could you come in here please? -"Sit down, This concerns you too. I don't need to say that your department's handling of the Black Panthers -- particularly Inspector Brimmer's ""undercover operation"" has been a complete travesty." Just hold on a god damn minute. I... -You're Judge right? We need to talk. I don't know you and I got nothing to say to you. -I don't know you and I got nothing to say to you. Yeah you do. It's up to you either here or downtown. -So... we understand each other Judge? Yeah. -"I expect to hear from you soon. If Huey Newton takes a crap, I want to know how big it was. Otherwise I'm gonna come looking for you. And I won't be as ""friendly"" as today." I got you. -Why didn't you tell us about the party you boys were planning at the capitol? Shit man. It was... you know spontaneous. -Shit man. It was... you know spontaneous. Spontaneous my ass!! You told the press and you don't tell me. Remember you're working for us. -Spontaneous my ass!! You told the press and you don't tell me. Remember you're working for us. Yeah... whatever you say. -Yeah... whatever you say. Are you fucking with me? You smartass piece of shit... -Get out of the car. What's with you? -What's with you? Get out of the fucking car. -What are you crazy? Do you know how easy it would be for you to just disappear. Shit, you wouldn't even wash up for weeks. Do you fucking understand? I want you to move your ass outta neutral. I want a bunch of Panthers served up on a fucking plate. I want you to set 'em up... armed robbery!! -Do you know how easy it would be for you to just disappear. Shit, you wouldn't even wash up for weeks. Do you fucking understand? I want you to move your ass outta neutral. I want a bunch of Panthers served up on a fucking plate. I want you to set 'em up... armed robbery!! I can't... they don't operate that way... -I can't... they don't operate that way... "Fuck how they operate. Just do it. like your man says, ""By any means necessary.""" -Inspector Brimmer Yeah, it's me. -Yeah, it's me. Judge, hold on, is your phone safe? -Judge, hold on, is your phone safe? Who fucking cares? You cops killed Cy. And before you bastards kill anyone else, I'll give you your fucking set up. That make you happy??!! -Who fucking cares? You cops killed Cy. And before you bastards kill anyone else, I'll give you your fucking set up. That make you happy??!! Judge, calm down. -Hey... what the hell you doing? Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. -Go! Run! Go on! Get the fuck out of here!! What? So you can shoot me? Call it resisting arrest? -What? So you can shoot me? Call it resisting arrest? I ain't gonna shoot you Judge. Look... it's over. Just run away. Get out. Stay away from Oakland. Cause it's gone... it's gone. -I ain't gonna shoot you Judge. Look... it's over. Just run away. Get out. Stay away from Oakland. Cause it's gone... it's gone. Brimmer you're fucked up... -Brimmer you're fucked up... Yeah... I'm fucked up. You're fucked up. Government's fucked up. Whole country's fucked up. You got no idea what's going on here. This is bigger than you and me. We're just little tiny soldiers getting moved around on some big asshole's desk. The Panthers... fuck you're history... they killed you and you don't even know it. -Yeah... I'm fucked up. You're fucked up. Government's fucked up. Whole country's fucked up. You got no idea what's going on here. This is bigger than you and me. We're just little tiny soldiers getting moved around on some big asshole's desk. The Panthers... fuck you're history... they killed you and you don't even know it. Who's they? -Who's they? Drugs Judge, they're gonna flood West Oakland with dope. Jack you up and string you out like a two dollar whore. And while the community's shuffling for a fix, they're gonna snuff every Panther they can find. -Drugs Judge, they're gonna flood West Oakland with dope. Jack you up and string you out like a two dollar whore. And while the community's shuffling for a fix, they're gonna snuff every Panther they can find. Who? I mean besides the FBI? -Who? I mean besides the FBI? I don't know. Except, it's one of you. Maybe not a Panther, but it's someone from the neighborhood. Judge. Look, just go. Get away. It's over. You lost. We all lost. -God damn... Kid never had a chance... Mothafuck... Hey!!! What the hell!!! -Hey... Cy... what now you a righteous Panther man, you too uppity to drink with us? You know that's bullshit. -Aaaah, Bitter Motherfucker... I almost forgot how nasty that shit is. Well don't go forgetting your friends. -Well don't go forgetting your friends. Ain't gonna happen, stay cool. -Ain't gonna happen, stay cool. You know it. Stay Black... -You know it. Stay Black... Damn straight. -Sabu, what the fuck you doing? Ain't nobody gonna push on this street. Shit, I ain't doing nothing. White bread asks for cocaine, I take his money. Shit... you know... It was just a hustle. -Shit, I ain't doing nothing. White bread asks for cocaine, I take his money. Shit... you know... It was just a hustle. Sabu... High white dude's the only thing you could hustle. -Sabu... High white dude's the only thing you could hustle. Man... fuck you. Why you always bustin' my balls? All that high and mighty militant shit. I ain't doing nothing. -I ain't gonna tell you no more. No pushing in the neighborhood, especially not on my fucking street. You're killing your own people asshole. Man, fuck you!!! -Man, fuck you!!! No Fuck you!!! -Motherfucker... you stay away... Look this is bull... -Check it out... Great huh? I tell you those guys know what time it is. Man I'm with that... I don't know. Look around man. -I don't know. Look around man. C'mon Judge we got to start somewhere. -C'mon Judge we got to start somewhere. Yeah, and I'm gonna start by getting on my feet. Working on things from inside the system. -Yeah, and I'm gonna start by getting on my feet. Working on things from inside the system. Inside ain't in the system. It's right there inside you!! I'm joining up. -Hey, this what they got you doing now? Party needs the bread. Be hip to the struggle, only a dollar!!! -"Have to pass on the revolution today man, I got class... But how about tonight, I was gonna check out ""Cloud Nine."" Just like old times." Can't... they're having a PE meeting at Headquarters tonight, come on down. Check it out. -Can't... they're having a PE meeting at Headquarters tonight, come on down. Check it out. PE? What? You guys doing gym class? -PE? What? You guys doing gym class? "No man. PE -- ""political education.""" -...Glad you came man. Yeah, only I figure you'd be the one doing the speaking. -Yeah, only I figure you'd be the one doing the speaking. Not yet, one of these day's maybe. Bobby's party chairman. Political Education's really his bag. -Man, did you see Huey down on Grove street? All up on that cop, that was beautiful. Yeah, it was alright. Hey, can you give me a lift? -Yeah, it was alright. Hey, can you give me a lift? You got it. Berkeley? -You got it. Berkeley? No, Panther Headquarters. Least that way we could hang out more like we used to. -No, Panther Headquarters. Least that way we could hang out more like we used to. You joining? My Brother.. My brother. -Hey, it's the invisible man. Brother where you been? Cy... I ain't even sure. -Cy... I ain't even sure. C'mon we'll walk and talk... -C'mon we'll walk and talk... Naw... I gotta... -Naw... I gotta... I hear you. I'll catch you in a bit. Feeling cooped up in there, you know? -Cy... Cy... Oh shit man... who did this to you. Was it the pigs? N... N...... Not... Oh. -Don't I know it. Come on in Agent Rodgers. Sit down. Always a... pleasure to see you. How can I be of help? It's a bit more like how can we help you. Bay Area's become quite a hornet's nest in terms of subversive activities. And... well Mr. Hoover wants to reiterate that the FBI will be happy to assist local authorities in any way we can. On a strictly advisory basis... of course. -It's a bit more like how can we help you. Bay Area's become quite a hornet's nest in terms of subversive activities. And... well Mr. Hoover wants to reiterate that the FBI will be happy to assist local authorities in any way we can. On a strictly advisory basis... of course. Of course. Well, I appreciate your offer, but we got things pretty well under control. Same bunch of kooks you guys already have under surveillance. They're still doing a lot of yelling and pot-smoking but nothing to worry about. -Of course. Well, I appreciate your offer, but we got things pretty well under control. Same bunch of kooks you guys already have under surveillance. They're still doing a lot of yelling and pot-smoking but nothing to worry about. I see. What about the Black Panther Party for Self-Defense? -I see. What about the Black Panther Party for Self-Defense? Heh, bunch of shines running around in dark caps waving their fists about some streetlight. They're loud, but they aren't dangerous, -Heh, bunch of shines running around in dark caps waving their fists about some streetlight. They're loud, but they aren't dangerous, Can you make a deal with them? -Can you make a deal with them? Naw... They're kids mostly. Idealists. They actually think they're for real. -Naw... They're kids mostly. Idealists. They actually think they're for real. "Hmmm. As you know the Bureau -- and Mr. Hoover -- is particularly ""sensitive"" to anything that might agitate or solidify the coloreds on the left." -You want me to put a man on it? That would be an excellent start. Tell him to keep a low profile. -"One: ""We want freedom. We want the power to determine the destiny of our Black Community."" Two: ""We want full employment for our people."" Three: ""We want to end the robbery by the white man of our Black Community."" Christ, they're asking for reparations..." They couldn't have thought this up for themselves. -Now hold on Rodgers... Chief Dorsett, if the Black Panthers are going to remain in your jurisdiction, some fundamental changes in attitude need to be made... -I want it duly noted, that this operation was entirely under the auspices of the Oakland Police Department. The FBI doesn't have a monopoly on agents infiltrating enemy organizations, my friend. As I've said before, Agent Rodgers, we have things under control in our city... Are you finished? -Are you finished? "No I'm not. I'd like to say, frankly and off the record, that I resent the Bureau's presence here. ""Advisory Basis"" or not. And, once we get these boys put away and the Panthers permanently discredited, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave us to take care of our own. Now I'm finished." -These are memos from the commissioner, the mayor and Hoover himself, putting the Black Panthers and their subversive activities under the full jurisdiction of the Bureau. Jesus... -Jesus... As far as Mr. Hoover is concerned the worst has happened, the Panthers have unified with other organizations -- most likely sponsored by communists -- to undermine the war in Vietnam. By doing so, they have quite simply guaranteed their own extinction. -Rodgers... this is no good... Cut the crap, you've been taking the man's money for years. Now it's time you earned it. -To be quite honest it turns my stomach. Neither your stomach or your opinion matters here Dorsett... What matters is that Mr. Trafficante and the Bureau have come up with a solution to our Panther Problem. One might say...The Final Solution. -I don't think that will be any problem... You talk as if this thing's already been decided. -But lots of our people don't read, man. They need strong imagery to help them out. Yeah... then shouldn't this be all of us together. -Yeah... then shouldn't this be all of us together. Trust me Huey, this picture will be worth a thousand words. Now have you given any thought to that Peace and Freedom Party thing. They really want to hook up with us. Do a rally together. Hell it'd broaden our base of visibility. -Trust me Huey, this picture will be worth a thousand words. Now have you given any thought to that Peace and Freedom Party thing. They really want to hook up with us. Do a rally together. Hell it'd broaden our base of visibility. Yeah, but aligning with white organizations. I'm not sure now's the time. -Yeah, but aligning with white organizations. I'm not sure now's the time. "The time, my friend, is what Sartre called, ""the moment the match is being put to the fuse."" Question is, is the hand holding that match gonna be black or white." -"The time, my friend, is what Sartre called, ""the moment the match is being put to the fuse."" Question is, is the hand holding that match gonna be black or white." ...no full fledge alliance. But I think we should do a rally with them. Show that there's some common ground between Black and White. You all with that? All right then Eldridge, set it up. -Yes sir I was. And did you witness the shoot-out? -And did you witness the shoot-out? Yes sir, I did. -Yes sir, I did. From what you saw, did Huey Newton start the shooting? -From what you saw, did Huey Newton start the shooting? No sir he didn't. -Huh, well then... did someone else start shooting? I refuse to answer the question on the grounds it might incriminate me. -Did you shoot the officers in question? Again I'll take the fifth amendment on that question. -...at least that takes Bobby Seale off the street... Not good enough Rodgers. Not good enough at all. Black terrorists on the floor of a State Capitol. I will not say this again, these Negro Commies are to be stopped and now. You tear them down. Either from the outside or the inside. -Not good enough Rodgers. Not good enough at all. Black terrorists on the floor of a State Capitol. I will not say this again, these Negro Commies are to be stopped and now. You tear them down. Either from the outside or the inside. We're working on that... -We're working on that... Work harder. And get me some results. Those Black Bastards could be up to anything. -Granted, the Free Huey thing has become a bit of a rallying cry for the left... Rallying cry, it's an insurrection. Seale, that god damned Cleaver, Where the hell do these guys come from? -Rallying cry, it's an insurrection. Seale, that god damned Cleaver, Where the hell do these guys come from? "Well... like they say, there's a Panther born every minute in the ghetto. Uh... we seem to have ""underestimated"" the support of the Black community. It's their power base..." -Well, then we're going to take that power away from those bastards. You mean... -You mean... Yes, that's exactly what I mean. And Agent Rodgers?... This conversation never occurred. -That's right brother... listen and learn. The white power structure wants us to act like savages. But we're a different kind of animal altogether. We're Panthers. And The Black Panther Party for Self Defense is very painfully aware that America has historically reserved its most barbaric treatment for non-white people since the beginning of the country. So we need to organize, we keep our shit correct! And effect revolution. We revolve the power into the hands of the people. Where it belongs. Power to the people baby... -Shit, nothing but Paper Panthers. Yeah... but it seems they're bringing Malcolm's widow Betty Shabazz to town, to speak at a rally, do an interview for Ramparts. And they want us to help with security. -We'll get them. Right now we got to worry about being armed and ready to protect Betty Shabazz. Those phonies sure as hell can't. We need guns. We need money first... -We need money first... Yeah... Bobby you gotta... -"This here's a ""Panther Patrol."" We see a brother getting busted. We check it out, make sure the pig don't go beating on the man. Brother gets taken downtown, we post bail, hook 'em up with a lawyer." We're like policing the police. -You're a little old to be a school boy aren't you brother. Cool it! You're probably not the only one they've gone after. Stall a little so they believe you're for real. Make them trust you. Hey Tyrone, you figure feeding our children is gonna make The Man jumpy? Black people getting uppity, feeding their children breakfast, taking their destiny into their own hands. What's this world coming to? -C'mon let's... No! Just harassment. Can't let it stop this. Brother we got momentum! -Alright, I'll stay. Judge, I want to... Where you been? I saw the cops rousting you at the rally. -Huey man I got to talk with you... So talk... -So talk... Alone... -Alone... Look... can we deal with this tomorrow... I'm tired... -Yeah man, but where's Judge? You know I think Brother Judge needs our support right now, not our suspicion This is beautiful man. Folks around here never read the truth like this before. -That's right. We'd be proud to provide as escort for Malcolm's widow. How many men you got? Get the brothers a beer. Me too while you're at it. Men? Well we can spare six for security... -Get the brothers a beer. Me too while you're at it. Men? Well we can spare six for security... No thank you sister. Six?!! That seems a little light. Cops are watching Betty, watching her hard. We need at least twenty men. And that's twenty armed Panthers dig? You do have guns don't you? -No thank you sister. Six?!! That seems a little light. Cops are watching Betty, watching her hard. We need at least twenty men. And that's twenty armed Panthers dig? You do have guns don't you? I assure you that we as the revolutionary vanguard are as serious about this as you are. We'll be prepared. -We put our lives on the line today. Malcolm X's widow was on the line today. And your guns weren't even loaded. A gun's a gun man. It don't need to be loaded. -A gun's a gun man. It don't need to be loaded. Tell that to the pigs. Better yet tell that to Malcolm. -Tell that to the pigs. Better yet tell that to Malcolm. Wait a second there brother... -Wait a second there brother... "No you wait a second. You and your ""Panthers"" got three choices. One you join with us and follow our rules. Two you change your name. Or three you face annihilation." -You were. infantry right? Yeah. -Yeah. So I guess it's safe to say you know about firepower. -We appreciate your help with this. So what's the deal? -So what's the deal? Freedom... We're just gonna test some of the words in that law book. -Judge... we're doing security for Betty Shabazz's visit next week. I'd like to have someone who knows there way around a pistol there. Someone like you. I don't know. -I don't know. You are down for protecting Malcolm's widow aren't you? -You are down for protecting Malcolm's widow aren't you? Yeah... let me think about it. -Yeah... let me think about it. Okay man I ain't going to push. But remember the revolution isn't going to wait for anyone. Come on, we'll give you a lift. -Okay man I ain't going to push. But remember the revolution isn't going to wait for anyone. Come on, we'll give you a lift. No man. Gonna walk. -Welcome brother, have you decided to get down with us? I'm down. -I'm down. Yeah... You were a lot of help with those guns. Your soldier shit is bad- ass. -Yeah... You were a lot of help with those guns. Your soldier shit is bad- ass. I'd hoped I was finished with all that. But... -I'd hoped I was finished with all that. But... You know, you're lucky to be back. Most niggers die on the front lines. Seems like that's what they're there for. -You know, you're lucky to be back. Most niggers die on the front lines. Seems like that's what they're there for. Don't I know it. Every brother I knew in 'Nam's dead. My company... a land mine. Twenty of my friends dead in less than a second. -Don't I know it. Every brother I knew in 'Nam's dead. My company... a land mine. Twenty of my friends dead in less than a second. Mind if I ask you something? Why'd you put up with shit like that for someone else's war? -Hey, GI bill pays for school. And shit, if I stuck around here, instead of signing up, I'd probably be in jail, or sitting on the stoop drinking Bitter Dog with Rose, you know? Yeah I know. You're smart Judge. You ain't no bourgeois nigger like those Paper Panthers across the bay. I need every good man to help us with the security on Betty Shabazz, particularly soldiers. You do solid on that I might have something else for you, something real important. -Yeah I know. You're smart Judge. You ain't no bourgeois nigger like those Paper Panthers across the bay. I need every good man to help us with the security on Betty Shabazz, particularly soldiers. You do solid on that I might have something else for you, something real important. Whatever you need, I'll be there. -Whatever you need, I'll be there. Right on Brother Judge... -What it be Judge. Nobody got hurt, Sister Betty's safe. This was a good day... They were empty... -You were alright Judge, better than alright. You're what the Party needs. A fighter but also one that's going to school not making the man too nervous. I don't know about that. -I don't know about that. I do. You think you're smart enough to keep playing the game? -I do. You think you're smart enough to keep playing the game? What, I don't know how you mean? -What, I don't know how you mean? See, the thing about Panthers. For all their speed and strength. They are not naturally aggressive. They don't just go out killing, tearing through the jungles murdering. No, the Panther keeps his claws hidden until he is attacked, until he's backed into a corner. Then believe me those claws are fierce. -See, the thing about Panthers. For all their speed and strength. They are not naturally aggressive. They don't just go out killing, tearing through the jungles murdering. No, the Panther keeps his claws hidden until he is attacked, until he's backed into a corner. Then believe me those claws are fierce. Huey, you're losing me. What are you talking about? -Huey, you're losing me. What are you talking about? I'm talking about survival. Yours, mine, all of it. Outside and in. You got to do something for me. Staying alive might depend on it. The pigs are gonna try to infiltrate us and we're gonna let 'em. But their spy's gonna be our spy too. How about it? -Me? You've got a whole lot of other folks signing up. Why me? You fit the profile, Brother. You look exactly like the kind of nigger they think they can trust... -Aw... uh... it's was just harassment. My driver's license expired. Chickenshits, they're grabbing at anything. -What's the pig's name? Brimmer. -Brimmer. You got to keep very cool on this. Icy god damn cool. Cause baby, you just became the strongest weapon we got. Let me guess, he wants you to call him, tell him what we're doing. -You got to keep very cool on this. Icy god damn cool. Cause baby, you just became the strongest weapon we got. Let me guess, he wants you to call him, tell him what we're doing. Yeah. -Yeah. And you're gonna do just that. But I'll tell you what to feed the pig. You alright with this? -And you're gonna do just that. But I'll tell you what to feed the pig. You alright with this? Yeah... I guess. Any of other Panthers know about this? -Man, this shit's pretty thick. You got that right. And brother, I got a feeling it's going to get a whole lot thicker. -Listen Judge, Oakland's Panther International Headquarters. We shut the Pig's infiltration down here, they're gonna think twice about running their games on other chapters. Huey, man who's gonna straighten out the brothers if they get on my ass? -Huey, man who's gonna straighten out the brothers if they get on my ass? "Like the manual says, ""Information is..." -I don't know man. I don't know. That reminds me. Another little donation from the police. If the pigs only knew they were subsidizing The Panthers... -If the pigs only knew they were subsidizing The Panthers... "Yeah well, they want a lot for their money. They want a felony, preferably with ""violent intent."" We've got to give them something. They'll kill me if I don't. And the Panthers are going to kill me if I do. I'm scared." -"Yeah well, they want a lot for their money. They want a felony, preferably with ""violent intent."" We've got to give them something. They'll kill me if I don't. And the Panthers are going to kill me if I do. I'm scared." Me too. That's why I fight so hard. -I saw... but... But nothing... you do live here don't you? -Yeah, I do. Well, act like it. Come on. -Don't let the cops provoke you. We're there to watch and take badge numbers... And who is we? -Shit, we made him get his moms to give permission before he could sign up. Just a kid. -Just a kid. Yeah, well, cops kick the shit out of kids too. -I thought you said all the Panthers were gonna be here. What you see is what you got. That's' Bobby Seale. -You're a smart brother... you should dig what Huey and Bobby got to say... Maybe... -Maybe... Fuck maybe... be there. -Busted firing pin. You want only the legal stuff right? Just the legit shit. -Huh? He had a feeling you'd be coming by. -What? You don't like to see a traitor get hurt? I wonder why that is? If you got something to say, say it. -If you got something to say, say it. Anything happens to Huey it ain't gonna be a finger. I'll... -What's up with you? Nothing. -Nothing. "You got something on your mind... ""brother.""" -"You got something on your mind... ""brother.""" "Yeah, ""brother"" My best friend is stone dead." -Sorry man... S'alright. I'm sorry too. Shit, I gotta take a leak... Pull over at that gas station. -Fuck is up?! Mothafucker! You just set Bobby Seale up to be kidnapped. They dragged him off to some bullshit conspiracy trial in Chicago. How much the pigs pay you for this one, Judge? -You better just kill me Tyrone. And when Huey gets out, when Oakland's just wall to wall junkies, you tell him you blew away the only chance we all got. I'm sure he'll be real happy about that. What are you saying? -What are you saying? The pigs are gonna start flooding us with dope. Huey wants us to stop them. -The pigs are gonna start flooding us with dope. Huey wants us to stop them. Bullshit... -Chickenshits? What you bring your buddies with you? No man No!! Tyrone listen... we got to move man, they got a warehouse... -No man No!! Tyrone listen... we got to move man, they got a warehouse... Shut the fuck up!! -You alright? Not really. Gimme the keys for the trunk. -Motherfuckers... Look... You... take her and get the hell out of here. I'll keep 'em busy. -We'll all get out of here together. Later for that. I'm done either way... -You supposed to be a wounded vet, Motherfucka. What you do in 'Nam anyway, shoot gooks or shoot hoops? All of the above, man... And then some. -My Mom's at that. Funny you don't look like church folk to me. -Rose, what the hell you doing here? Just come for the food, man. Ain't quite sure what their bag is but... -This cool the heat off you any? I don't know. But I'm sure I'll find out. Rose, you did me solid. -Unh... Unh Man... I don't take no money from friends that need help. Fuck no. What do you think I am a bum? Not at all. I'll catch you later. -Judge... I... I shoulda told you this before but... well... fuck... What? -What? It was Sabu killed Cy. -It was Sabu killed Cy. Where is he?. -Where is he?. Ain't no one seen him. -Ain't no one seen him. Why didn't you tell me? -Why didn't you tell me? Didn't want folks to think I was a snitch. You know? -Rose? Yeah... Look man, what I gotta say. It's just you, me and the rats, right? Alright... well... Sabu's back. -Yeah... Look man, what I gotta say. It's just you, me and the rats, right? Alright... well... Sabu's back. Motherfuck... well then I got something to do. -Motherfuck... well then I got something to do. No... wait, there's something else, something weird. I hear he's set up down at that warehouse on fifty deuce. He's talking big and living bigger. -God damn it's him. I gotta go. Judge man. Watch yourself. Sabu's got juice now. -Judge man. Watch yourself. Sabu's got juice now. You don't even know it man, but you're a god damn hero. -It's okay Mom. I'm allright. You don't look alright. -You don't look alright. Yeah... cop hit me... -Yeah... cop hit me... I saw. I saw that big one hit that police man. Saw 'em drag you off too. They take you to jail? -I saw. I saw that big one hit that police man. Saw 'em drag you off too. They take you to jail? Yeah. -Yeah. Lord, never thought I'd live to see my boy in prison. -Lord, never thought I'd live to see my boy in prison. Mom! It wasn't like that. It was bullsh... They were just harassing us. No charges were filed. It's alright. -You meet those friends of yours in jail too? Yes... No... Mom it's not like you think. They're alright. There out there trying to do something. -Yes... No... Mom it's not like you think. They're alright. There out there trying to do something. I hear them boys, those Black Panthers, they're communists. They don't even believe in God. -I hear them boys, those Black Panthers, they're communists. They don't even believe in God. Mom, black folks been praying to God for four hundred years. Maybe it's time we tried something else... -Mom, black folks been praying to God for four hundred years. Maybe it's time we tried something else... You believe that? -You believe that? I don't know. I really don't. -I'm sorry we didn't give you more warning. It's alright. I'm very happy for you. -"Do you think Frances with an ""e"" is too manly a name for a girl?" No. -No. "Do you think Francis with an ""i"" is too womanly a name for a boy?" -"Do you think Francis with an ""i"" is too womanly a name for a boy?" No. -No. Good. -When? Late summer. -Late summer. Congratulations. -Congratulations. Thank you. -I know who you are, Gabriel Marion. The last time I saw you, I was nine and you put ink in my tea. I... uh... that wasn't me, it was Samuel... I mean Nathan... -I... uh... that wasn't me, it was Samuel... I mean Nathan... It was you and it turned my teeth black for a month. -It was you and it turned my teeth black for a month. Uh... uh... I... -If I'd known you were going to look like this, I never would have put ink in your tea. You call that a compliment? -You call that a compliment? It's a start. -Next time we'll bring more blankets. That would be nice. -That would be nice. Maybe we'll be lucky this winter and have just rain, no snow. -Maybe we'll be lucky this winter and have just rain, no snow. That would be nice, too. -You expect to hold Cornwallis with militia? I expect to try. -I expect to try. Trust you and Harry Lee. Remember that damned overland you two thought up in '62 to hit Fort Louis? -Trust you and Harry Lee. Remember that damned overland you two thought up in '62 to hit Fort Louis? It worked. How many men can you raise? -It worked. How many men can you raise? Not many. Dalton, Scott, they've got their reasons; Rev. Oliver, he believes in the cause; some of the young bucks; a few like me with nothing to lose... What about you? You've got a lot to lose. -I say we drink the wine, shoot the dogs, and use the papers for musket wadding. His journals, letters, maps, books... -Am I one of that sort? You're the worst of that sort. You're the sort that gives that sort a bad name. -Well? I've just been inside the mind of a genius. Lord Cornwallis knows more about war than I could in a dozen lifetimes. -I've just been inside the mind of a genius. Lord Cornwallis knows more about war than I could in a dozen lifetimes. Cheerful news to greet the morn. -Cheerful news to greet the morn. His victories at Charleston and Camden were perfect, strategically, tactically, logistically. But he has a weakness. -Personally, I'd prefer stupidity. Pride will do. -He reminds me of you before you got old and ugly. No, he takes after his mother... -What do you mean, old and ugly? You got me beat on both accounts. -You got me beat on both accounts. The hell I do. -He shouldn't make light. That Redcoat should not have been killed. He's not making light. -You don't know him very well, do you? He's my father. -I know him well enough? Don't fault him for having grown up on the frontier. It was a harder time and a harder place than you know. -You got salt last week. Oh, right. Baking powder, we need baking powder. -Oh, right. Baking powder, we need baking powder. We've got plenty of baking powder. You went to Pembroke and got five pounds two weeks ago. -They're from good stock on their mother's side. Thank you. -You look well, Charlotte. As do you. -And send us to war alongside Massachusetts. Our governor is a bigger fool than I thought. -How did this... how did I let this happen? You couldn't have known. -You couldn't have known. I should have known... once I would have... I used to be wary... and today I watched my son killed before my eyes... your sister civilized me and I damn myself for having let her... -I should have known... once I would have... I used to be wary... and today I watched my son killed before my eyes... your sister civilized me and I damn myself for having let her... Thomas is dead but you've done nothing for which you should be ashamed. -Thomas is dead but you've done nothing for which you should be ashamed. I've done nothing and for that I am ashamed. -If you go, I'll care for them as if they were my own. I'll leave in the morning with Gabriel. -Excuse me? I said, I'm not my sister. -I said, I'm not my sister. I know that. -I know that. Do you? -Do you? Of course, I do. -Of course, I do. Very well, then. -Goodbye, Charlotte. Goodbye. -Two pounds, fourteen ounces. Lovely. -You're surrendering. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. What unit? -What unit? First Virginia Regulars under Colonel Hamilton. -First Virginia Regulars under Colonel Hamilton. Who cared for your wounds? -We did. With a lace table cloth? -My boys... my boys... you seem to have been well fed. Thank you for that, Colonel. My pleasure, sir. -My pleasure, sir. Please forgive me for keeping you waiting. -Please forgive me for keeping you waiting. Apology accepted. -Apology accepted. Thank you, Colonel... I'm afraid I don't know your name. -Thank you, Colonel... I'm afraid I don't know your name. Colonel will do. -Colonel will do. As you wish. -Shall we proceed? Let us. Unless you object, I would like to deem this meeting a formal negotiation and, as such, there are certain customary practices. Perhaps I could explain them to you... -Let us. Unless you object, I would like to deem this meeting a formal negotiation and, as such, there are certain customary practices. Perhaps I could explain them to you... I'm familiar with how a formal negotiation is handled. -I'm familiar with how a formal negotiation is handled. Oh? -Oh? I served in His Majesty's army in the French and Indian War. -I served in His Majesty's army in the French and Indian War. Oh. Very well, then. Would you, as the initiating party, like to begin? -Oh. Very well, then. Would you, as the initiating party, like to begin? Unless you would like to claim aggrieved status. -You are familiar with how these things are done. In fact, I would like to claim aggrieved status. Very well, proceed, sir. -Very well, proceed, sir. First, you have in your possession certain belongings of mine, including clothing, private papers, furniture and personal effects of a non-military nature which I would like to have returned to me. -First, you have in your possession certain belongings of mine, including clothing, private papers, furniture and personal effects of a non-military nature which I would like to have returned to me. I will do so as soon as possible. -Thank you. Please accept my apology for not having done so sooner. -Please accept my apology for not having done so sooner. Apology accepted. Now, on the matter of the specific targeting of officers during engagements, this is absolutely unacceptable. -Apology accepted. Now, on the matter of the specific targeting of officers during engagements, this is absolutely unacceptable. That one is a bit more difficult. -That one is a bit more difficult. Certainly you must know that in civilized warfare, officers in the field must not be accorded inappropriate levels of hostile attention. -Certainly you must know that in civilized warfare, officers in the field must not be accorded inappropriate levels of hostile attention. And what are inappropriate levels of hostile attention? -And what are inappropriate levels of hostile attention? Colonel, imagine the utter chaos that would result from un-led armies having at each other. There must be gentlemen in command to lead and, when appropriate, restrain their men. -Colonel, imagine the utter chaos that would result from un-led armies having at each other. There must be gentlemen in command to lead and, when appropriate, restrain their men. Restrain them from the targeting of civilians, including women and children? -Restrain them from the targeting of civilians, including women and children? That is a separate issue. -That is a separate issue. I consider them linked. -I consider them linked. I beg to differ. One is a command decision on your part. The other represents nothing more than the occasional over-exuberance of field officers attempting to carry out their duty in difficult circumstances. -I beg to differ. One is a command decision on your part. The other represents nothing more than the occasional over-exuberance of field officers attempting to carry out their duty in difficult circumstances. As long as your soldiers attack civilians, I will order the shooting of your officers at the outset of every engagement. And my men are excellent marksmen. -Very well, let us move on to... Prisoner exchange. -Prisoner exchange. Sir? -Sir? You have eighteen of my men. I want them back. -You have eighteen of my men. I want them back. I do have eighteen criminals under sentence of death, but I hold no prisoners-of-war. -I do have eighteen criminals under sentence of death, but I hold no prisoners-of-war. If that's your position, then eighteen of your officers will die. Nineteen, if you hang me with my men. -If that's your position, then eighteen of your officers will die. Nineteen, if you hang me with my men. What officers? -Their names, ranks and posts? They refused to give me their names. Their ranks are nine lieutenants, five captains, three majors and one fat colonel who called me a cheeky fellow. Their posts? We picked them up here-and-there last night. -My harrier. Join us, Colonel. Sir. -Colonel Tarleton, you deal with these damned rebels. Yes, sir. -It seems our Swamp Fox wants to have a formal parley. Are you going to meet with him? -Are you going to meet with him? Most certainly. Arrange it. -If I fail, you fail. Perhaps. -Perhaps. And if I triumph, you triumph. -And if I triumph, you triumph. Probably. -Probably. How can we end this madness? -How can we end this madness? Difficult, sir. This is, as you pointed out, a civil war. -Civility is a secondary virtue. It is superseded by duty. I understand, sir. -Do you see that, Colonel? Unless I'm dreaming, I think I see irregulars at their center. -Father, a post rider came from Charleston. You have a letter inside. Thank you. How's the spotted one's milk? -The New York and Rhode Island assemblies have been dissolved... The middle colonies? -The middle colonies? Rioting both sides of the bay, in Chestertown they burned the Customs House and tar-and-feathered the Customs Agent. He died of burns. In Wilmington they killed a Royal Magistrate and two Redcoats. -Rioting both sides of the bay, in Chestertown they burned the Customs House and tar-and-feathered the Customs Agent. He died of burns. In Wilmington they killed a Royal Magistrate and two Redcoats. Anything about the convention in Philadelphia? -Anything about the convention in Philadelphia? Poor Richard says they'll make a Declaration of Independence by July. -What news? The British army is barricaded in Boston. Harry Lee, is here from Virginia, recruiting for a Continental Army. -The British army is barricaded in Boston. Harry Lee, is here from Virginia, recruiting for a Continental Army. Is that why the Assembly was convened? -Is that why the Assembly was convened? Yes. He seeks a levy of troops and money. -Yes. He seeks a levy of troops and money. And the Governor? -And the Governor? He vowed that if the Assembly votes a single shilling to Lee, he'll dissolve the body. -He vowed that if the Assembly votes a single shilling to Lee, he'll dissolve the body. Which would force our delegates in Philadelphia to vote for independence. -Father, I've lost respect for you. I thought you were a man of principle. When you have children, I hope you'll understand. -When you have children, I hope you'll understand. When I have children, I hope I don't hide behind them. -Do you intend to enlist without my permission? Yes. -Have you seen any Redcoats? Not yet. What happened? -I have to get these dispatches to Hillsboro. You're in no condition to ride. -You're in no condition to ride. I have no choice, I... -Father... It's already over. -What now, sir? We put out the word. We'll start along the south side of the Santee... -We put out the word. We'll start along the south side of the Santee... We'd cover more ground if we split up. -We'd cover more ground if we split up. It's safer if we stay together. -Colonel, I didn't request this transfer because you're my father. I requested it because I believe in this cause and this is where I can do the most good. Oh? -Oh? I've been doing this for two years. I'm the best scout in the Continental Army, the best horseman, the best shot, the best scavenger and I know every deer path and swamp trail between here and Charleston. -I've been doing this for two years. I'm the best scout in the Continental Army, the best horseman, the best shot, the best scavenger and I know every deer path and swamp trail between here and Charleston. Is that so? -Is that so? Yes, sir. My father taught me. -Did your father teach you humility? He tried. It didn't take. -Alright, Corporal, you take Bennington, Harrisville, Acworth and the farms along Black Swamp. I'll take the north side of the river. We'll meet at Snow's Island. Yes, sir. -And, Corporal... ... be careful. Yes... ... father. -Is it? If you're here only for revenge, you're doing a disservice to him as well as yourself. -If you're here only for revenge, you're doing a disservice to him as well as yourself. How old are you? -How old are you? You know how old I am. -You know how old I am. God help us all when you're forty. -Less than a mile. Forty-one wagons, a company of Redcoat infantry, horses at the rear. Flanking riders? -Flanking riders? I didn't see any. -These four wagons must be his. And the dogs, too, I'll wager. -Lord Cornwallis is brilliant. His weakness is that he knows it. Father? -Father? Pride is his weakness. -Gabriel? Are you asleep? We're low on salt. I should go to Pembroke and get some. -Fourteen dead, eleven wounded, eighteen captured. I should have killed him when I had the chance? -I should have killed him when I had the chance? When was that? In the swamp at the expense of your men? Or when he killed Thomas at the expense of your family? -When was that? In the swamp at the expense of your men? Or when he killed Thomas at the expense of your family? No... -No... Or perhaps tomorrow at the expense of our cause. -Stay the course... your mother used to say that to me when I'd get drunk or lose my temper. She'd say it to me when I picked on Thomas or Nathan. -She'd say it to me when I picked on Thomas or Nathan. You learned her lessons better than I. -You learned her lessons better than I. She got me at a more impressionable age. -She spoke? Susan spoke? Full sentences. As if she had been speaking all along. -Full sentences. As if she had been speaking all along. I don't believe it... and I wasn't there for it... -She said... she loves you and misses you but she understands why you can't be there with her. She said that? Oh, my Lord, she said that? -Father, there's something else I need to talk to you about. What? -What? Come with me. I'll tell you when we get there. -Sir, I'd like to request a furlough. Two days? Granted. Where are you going? -Granted. Where are you going? Cheraw Falls. -Cheraw Falls. It's beautiful there. Your mother and I were there once, before you were born. -It's beautiful there. Your mother and I were there once, before you were born. I know. -Tarleton has a list of our men, most are on it. A regiment of dragoons is going to the homes on the list, burning them, killing whomever resists, women and children, as well. Where? -Where? Seven homes along the Black River so far... -Don't go in there. Is it her? Is Anne in there? -Is it her? Is Anne in there? She is. Don't go in there. -Father, tell me what happened at Fort Wilderness? You know what happened. -You know what happened. No, I don't. -No, I don't. Everyone knows. It's what made me a hero. Me, Harry Lee, all of us. I got a medal. Men bought me drinks. They still do sometimes. Everyone knows what happened. -Everyone knows. It's what made me a hero. Me, Harry Lee, all of us. I got a medal. Men bought me drinks. They still do sometimes. Everyone knows what happened. Tell me what everyone doesn't know. -Tell me what everyone doesn't know. And what do they know? -And what do they know? That the French and Cherokees captured the fort and when you retook it, you took revenge on them for what they did during the occupation. -That the French and Cherokees captured the fort and when you retook it, you took revenge on them for what they did during the occupation. That's right. -That's right. That's not enough. Tell me. -That's not enough. Tell me. Your mother asked me the same question around the time you were born. I was drunk and I was foolish enough to answer her. -That's why it was four years between you and Thomas. It took me that long to regain her respect. I'm not my mother. I can't have the respect without the knowing. -We buried them, then we went to track. It was a cold trail and they were moving fast. We went faster. We caught up to them at Kentucky Ford. Go on. -Go on. We took our time with them and gave every one of them worse than they had given at the fort. It was two weeks before they were all dead, all except two. We put the heads on a pallet and had the two we let live take it to the French at Fort Ambercon. The eyes, fingers and tongues we put in a basket and sent that down the Asheulot to the Cherokee. The French stayed east of the Blue Ridge after that and the Cherokee broke their treaty with the French and stayed out of the fight. That seemed to make a difference. The war went another year, things went better... and men bought us drinks. -It was a different time, son. And you're a better man than that. I see, do as I say, not as I do. -I see, do as I say, not as I do. Yes. -If this war is about more than Thomas, it's about more than Anne, as well. Stay the course. As you did at Fort Wilderness? -He wanted to, Susan, but he couldn't leave his men. He left us. -He left us. I know he did and he's sorry. He'll come back as soon as he can. -There are some letters here from him. Some are just to you. I don't care. I hate him. -I don't care. I hate him. You don't hate him. -You don't hate him. Yes, I do. I hate him and I hope he never comes back. -An American nation. Colonel Lee, with your permission? Please. -Please. Those of us who call ourselves Patriots are not seeking to give birth to an American nation, but to protect one that already exists. It was born a hundred-and-seventy years ago at Jamestown, Virginia and has grown stronger and more mature with every generation reared and with every crop sown and harvested. We are a nation and our rights as citizens of that nation are threatened by a tyrant three thousand miles away. -Those of us who call ourselves Patriots are not seeking to give birth to an American nation, but to protect one that already exists. It was born a hundred-and-seventy years ago at Jamestown, Virginia and has grown stronger and more mature with every generation reared and with every crop sown and harvested. We are a nation and our rights as citizens of that nation are threatened by a tyrant three thousand miles away. Thank you. Were I an orator, those are the exact words I would have spoken. -Mister Robinson, I fought with Captain Marion in the French and Indian War, including the Wilderness Campaign. We served as scouts under Washington and I have no doubts about Captain Marion's courage or competence on a battlefield. There's not a man in this room, or anywhere, for that matter, to whom I would more willingly trust my life. I stand corrected. -I stand corrected. Nonetheless, I would like to know, Mister Marion, how... how... how... -Captain Marion, I understood you to be a Patriot. It's Mister Marion. -It's Mister Marion. I understood him to be a Patriot as well. -Damn it, Francis! How in God's name do you expect to gain independence without going to war? Harry, Harry, Harry... -A long time ago... Thirteen years... -Thirteen years... That's a damn long time... -You were an Englishman then... I was an American, I just didn't know it yet... -We don't have to go to war to gain independence... Balderdash! -Balderdash! There are a thousand avenues, other than war, at our disposal... -There are a thousand avenues, other than war, at our disposal... Name five hundred. -Name five hundred. Royal petition, delegates to court, judicial redress, economic boycott, bribery... -Royal petition, delegates to court, judicial redress, economic boycott, bribery... That's five, keep going... -That's five, keep going... ... time, royal succession, regicide, bribery... -... time, royal succession, regicide, bribery... You said bribery twice... -Wars are not fought only by childless men. A man must weigh his personal responsibilities against his principles. That's what I'm doing. I will not fight and because I won't, I will not cast a vote that will send others to fight in my stead. -That's what I'm doing. I will not fight and because I won't, I will not cast a vote that will send others to fight in my stead. And your principles? -And your principles? I'm a parent, I don't have the luxury of principles. -One of yours? Gabriel. -Gabriel. I recognize him now. Is he as imprudent as his father was at his age? -I recognize him now. Is he as imprudent as his father was at his age? No, thank the Lord. He's more like his mother. -No, thank the Lord. He's more like his mother. I'll see to it that he serves under me. -I'll see to it that he serves under me. Thank you. -Green Dragoons came to my home, killed my son, Thomas. It was Tarleton himself. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't here for this. -I'm sorry I wasn't here for this. There's nothing you could have done, Gates is a damned fool. -There's nothing you could have done, Gates is a damned fool. We saw. -We saw. I begged him to stay in the cover of the trees but he insisted the only way to break Cornwallis was muzzle- to-muzzle. He spent too many years in the British army. -I begged him to stay in the cover of the trees but he insisted the only way to break Cornwallis was muzzle- to-muzzle. He spent too many years in the British army. Where is he now? -Where is he now? Last anyone saw, riding hard, northeast, his staff a hundred yards behind, trying to catch up. -Last anyone saw, riding hard, northeast, his staff a hundred yards behind, trying to catch up. Who's in command? -Who's in command? I am, I think. -I am, I think. What are my orders? -We're a breath away from losing this war. In the North, Washington is reeling from Valley Forge, running and hiding from Clinton and twelve thousand Redcoats. Here in the South, Cornwallis has broken our back. He captured over five thousand of our troops when he took Charleston and today he destroyed the only army that stood between him and New York. So now Cornwallis will head north, link up with Clinton and finish off Washington. -So now Cornwallis will head north, link up with Clinton and finish off Washington. And Patriots will start dying on the gallows instead of the battlefield. Unless we can keep Cornwallis in the South until the French arrive. A treaty was signed at Versailles after our victory at Saratoga. The French are sending a fleet and ten thousand troops. -And Patriots will start dying on the gallows instead of the battlefield. Unless we can keep Cornwallis in the South until the French arrive. A treaty was signed at Versailles after our victory at Saratoga. The French are sending a fleet and ten thousand troops. When? -When? Fall, six months at the earliest. -Fall, six months at the earliest. Long time. -Long time. The bigger problem is where, not when. The French fleet won't sail north of the Chesapeake for fear of early storms. -The bigger problem is where, not when. The French fleet won't sail north of the Chesapeake for fear of early storms. So you're going to try to keep Cornwallis in the South until then. -So you're going to try to keep Cornwallis in the South until then. Not me, you. I'm going north with every Continental regular I can find to reinforce Washington or he won't last six weeks. -Not me, you. I'm going north with every Continental regular I can find to reinforce Washington or he won't last six weeks. You expect Cornwallis to be held here by militia? -You expect Cornwallis to be held here by militia? Not held, just slowed down. -Not held, just slowed down. They're nothing but farmers and you're asking them to try to keep a tiger in their backyard. They'd be better off letting it move on. -They're nothing but farmers and you're asking them to try to keep a tiger in their backyard. They'd be better off letting it move on. They'd be better off, but the cause wouldn't be. -They'd be better off, but the cause wouldn't be. How many men does Cornwallis have under his command? -How many men does Cornwallis have under his command? Four thousand infantry and around six hundred cavalry... ... including the Green Dragoons under Tarleton. -His wife was killed yesterday. She was with child. I'm sorry, I didn't know. -Don't touch him. How many men have we seen die? -How many men have we seen die? Two. Gabriel and Thomas. -Two. Gabriel and Thomas. They're gone. And there is nothing you or I can do to bring them back. But there is something you can do to help end all this. -They're gone. And there is nothing you or I can do to bring them back. But there is something you can do to help end all this. It is ended. -It is ended. No. It's not over yet. Two days ride, Yorktown, Virginia. Washington, the French, Cornwallis and Tarleton. It will end, one way or another. Francis, nothing will replace your sons but helping us will justify their sacrifice. -Goodbye, Francis. Goodbye, Harry. -And congratulations on the birth of your son. Thank you. Maybe all of this will buy him some peace. -Thank you. Maybe all of this will buy him some peace. I hope so. -Your son, what did you name him? Robert. Robert E. Lee. -Lord Cornwallis will be with you presently. Thank you. -Thank you. You may, of course, keep your weapons, but I must warn you that... -You may, of course, keep your weapons, but I must warn you that... I'm familiar with appropriate behavior at a military parley. -I'm familiar with appropriate behavior at a military parley. Yes, quite, but you should know that... -Yes, quite, but you should know that... That will be all, Major. I'll wait for Lord Cornwallis. -That will be all, Major. I'll wait for Lord Cornwallis. Yes... you will wait. -How far away? Four, five miles. -Don't worry. We could go stay at Aunt Charlotte's farm. She's to the west. -We could go stay at Aunt Charlotte's farm. She's to the west. No, there'll be skirmishers on the roads. We're safer here. -Margaret, take William and Susan to the river shed. Hide there. If we're not back by dawn, go up the river to the Richardson's house. They'll take you to your Aunt Charlotte's farm. Nathan, Samuel, and I are going to get Gabriel. But what about Thomas? -But what about Thomas? Leave him. Take care of William and Susan. -Reverend. I heard about your son. I'm sorry. -Thank you. For what? -For what? For trying to impose some decency on that sort. -For trying to impose some decency on that sort. Don't depend on my decency. I'm one of that sort. -It's a good measure of a woman that she'll have her honeymoon under the stars. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do they part. -How many came back? About a hundred and twenty. Less than a third. -Colonel, let us help his soul find it's place with the Almighty and... He looks as if he's sleeping, doesn't he? -He looks as if he's sleeping, doesn't he? Yes, he does. -Gray. Earned. -I was sorry to hear about your son. I lost another a year ago, Thomas. He was only fifteen. -I lost another a year ago, Thomas. He was only fifteen. I've had no sons to lose, nor daughters. I lose the sons of other men. -Francis, tell me about General Cornwallis. Remember Braddock? -Remember Braddock? That bad? -That bad? Worse. -Worse. Proud, priggish and competent. A very bad combination in an adversary. -If Cornwallis receives news that Clinton is coming, he'll simply hold tight and wait. He'll fight a purely defensive battle and he'll win that. No, he won't. There are two things you need to know about Cornwallis. First, he is a very proud man, He would rather risk defeat than share a victory. If you give him what he thinks is an out, he'll take it. -No, he won't. There are two things you need to know about Cornwallis. First, he is a very proud man, He would rather risk defeat than share a victory. If you give him what he thinks is an out, he'll take it. And what is the second thing? -Not yet, Thomas. When? -Seventeen. But it's already been two years and that's two more years. The war could be over by then. -But it's already been two years and that's two more years. The war could be over by then. God willing. -Put those away. But father, they might come this way. -But father, they might come this way. Put them away. -Father, I saw a post rider at the house. Thank you. Did you finish the upper field? -Father? Six-pounders. Lots of them. -Father, you can't let them take him... Quiet. -Father... I killed those men... Don't blame yourself, you did what I told you to do. -Don't blame yourself, you did what I told you to do. I'm glad I killed them... I'm glad... -Who might you be, little Miss? I'm Ellen Creed and I live at 642 Alden Lane, Dearborn, Michigan. At least, I used to. -I'm Ellen Creed and I live at 642 Alden Lane, Dearborn, Michigan. At least, I used to. And now you live on Route 9 in Ludlow, and your dad's gonna be the new doctor up to the college, I hear, and I think you're going to be just as happy as a clam here, Ellen Creed. -But where are we going, Mr. Crandall? You'll see soon enough, hon. -Best never to go climbing on old blowdowns like this, Ellie--sometimes they bite. Bite? -Bite? Ayuh. -Do you know what this place is, Ellie? Oh, I know you know it's a boneyard, but a bone ain't nothing and even a whole pile of 'em don't amount to much. Do you know what a graveyard really is? Well...I guess not. -Well...I guess not. It's a place where the dead speak, Missy. -What if you can't read what's written on there anymore? Well, it still says some animal got laid down here after, don't it? -Well, it still says some animal got laid down here after, don't it? Yes-- -They do it to honor the dead, Ellen. Is that right, dad? -Ellie...God doesn't do things like that. I know you loved y'brother, but-- He can if He wants to. He can do anything, just like Inspector Gadget on TV. But I have to keep things ready for him, that's what I think. I've got his picture and I'm going to sit in his chair-- -It's gorgeous! Am I really gonna have my own room? -Yes, but the rope might be-- Yaay! -Honey, Church will be fine. But what if he dies and has to go to the Pet Sematary? -I want to fly it! Can I fly it now, mommy! In a minute, hon. Let Gage finish his turn. -Paxcow says it's almost too late! Ellie...Ellie...what... -Ellie...Ellie...what... Paxcow says it's almost too late! We have to go back! Paxcow says it's almost too late! -Paxcow says Daddy's going to do something really bad. He-- Who is this Paxcow? Is he like the boogeyman? -Who is this Paxcow? Is he like the boogeyman? He's a ghost. But he's a good ghost. -There are no ghosts, Ellie. I want you to go to sleep and forget all this nonsense. Will you at least call and make sure daddy's okay? -Will you at least call and make sure daddy's okay? Of course I will. -Please hurry. I will. Come and kiss me. -Yes. Yaay! -Hurrts! It hurrrrts! Anyone who can scream that loud isn't ready for intensive care just yet-- looks like she just skinned her knee. -No-I guess not. Yayyy! -Have you got a death-wish, Ellen? Well, I thought it was safe-- -I want to look around, daddy-- may I? For a little while. -And that someone cared enough about that animal to mark the spot. To remember. -That's what I think. I heard Missy Dandridge tell Mom when Church was fixed he wouldn't cross the road so much. Well, it's always better to take precautions--but I'm sure Church will be all right, honey... -In the end he's gonna croak, isn't he? Lovey...Church might be still alive when you're in a high school...and that's a very long time. -Lovey...Church might be still alive when you're in a high school...and that's a very long time. It doesn't seem long to me. It seems short. I think the whole thing about pets dying s-s-sucks! -Good God! Where'd you hear that? Missy Dandridge. And she says it's a operation! -Yeah, I know...how are things out there in Chicagoland? Fine...except when Mom was airing Gage's diaper rash, he walked away and got into Grampa's study and pooped in Grampa's favorite chair. -Yes...I guess so. He was sleeping on the front porch when I left. Cause I had a bad dream about him. I dreamed he got hit by a car and you and Mr. Crandall buried him in the Pet Sematary. -Is he really all right? Yes. -Yes. Because you promised. -Because you promised. I know. -I've noticed it, too. I'll cough up the money, Ellen. I hate that smell. -She's in bed. She was throwing up. Ever since Mrs. Rogers called and said Missy-- That's enough, Ellen. -Ellie? What's wrong? No more chocolate chip cookies. -No more chocolate chip cookies. Huh? -Huh? Missy made the best chocolate chip cookies in the world--even Mom said so. Now there won't be any more because she's gonna be dead forever! -What's up, sugar? Daddy, do you think Missy Dandridge went to heaven? -At school Michael McDowell said she was gonna fry in hell. Michael McDowell says all sewersides fry in hell. Well, I think Michael McDowell is so full of shit he probably squeaks when he walks, my dear. -But don't you dare say that. I won't...is Missy in heaven, do you think? -I won't...is Missy in heaven, do you think? I don't know, honey. Different people believe all sorts of different things happen to us when we die. Some believe in heaven or hell. Some think we're born again as little children-- -I don't know, honey. Different people believe all sorts of different things happen to us when we die. Some believe in heaven or hell. Some think we're born again as little children-- Sure, carnation. Like in that movie you rented, Audrey Rose. -Sure, carnation. Like in that movie you rented, Audrey Rose. Well, it's actually reincarnation, but you get the idea. And some people think we just wink out...like a candle flame when the wind blows hard. -Well, it's actually reincarnation, but you get the idea. And some people think we just wink out...like a candle flame when the wind blows hard. Do you believe that? -I think we go on. I'm not sure what happens after we die, but yeah-- I have faith in that. You believe in it. -You believe in it. Oh, faith's a little more than just believing. -I don't get it. Well, here we are, sitting in my chair. Do you think my chair will be here tomorrow? -Well, here we are, sitting in my chair. Do you think my chair will be here tomorrow? Yeah, sure. -Yeah, sure. Then you have faith in that. But we don't know it will be; after all, some crazed chair-burglar might break in while we're away and steal it, right? -I'm not tired! I'm sure you're not. -I'm sure you're not. Then why do I have to go to bed? -Then why do I have to go to bed? Because your mother and I need the rest, sugar. Now buzz. -Ellie-- And I'm going to eat his breakfast cereal, too, even though it tastes like boogers. And...and... -Be good to your mother, darlin'. She needs you. Come with us, daddy. Please come with us! -Come with us, daddy. Please come with us! I'll be there in three days--four at the most. I've got to get the electricity shut off and square things with your school so the truant officer ain't after you, and-- -Do you swear? I swear. -Jud Crandall. I live just across the road. I'm Rachel. Thanks again for saving the wandering minstrel boy, here. -I'm Rachel. Thanks again for saving the wandering minstrel boy, here. No harm, no foul. But you want to watch out for that road. Those damn trucks go back and forth all day and most of the night. -Excuse me, Mr. Crandall--I've got to change this kid. It's nice to meet you. Same here. Come over and visit when you get the chance. -How can you call it a good thing? A graveyard for pets killed in the road! Built and maintained by broken- hearted children! Well, but Missus Creed! It ain't quite that way, deah! -No--but if he drops by, I'll tell him to call you. Jud, do you remember the name of the student that died on Louis's first day at work? The one that was hit by a car? -Was it Pascow? Ayuh, I think 'twas. If I see Louis come home before I go to bed, I'll tell him to-- -Ayuh, I think 'twas. If I see Louis come home before I go to bed, I'll tell him to-- Don't bother. I'm coming home. -Hey--they actually found the place! Movin' in's mighty thirsty work. I usually sit out on my porch of an evening and pour a couple of beers over m'dinner. Come on over and join me, if you want. -Movin' in's mighty thirsty work. I usually sit out on my porch of an evening and pour a couple of beers over m'dinner. Come on over and join me, if you want. Well, maybe I---- -You need a glass? Not at all. -Not at all. Good for you. -God, that's fine. Ain't it just? The man who invented beer, Louis, that man was having a prime day for himself. -Ain't it just? The man who invented beer, Louis, that man was having a prime day for himself. What were you listening to? -What were you listening to? Allman Brothers. -Allman Brothers. What? -What? The Eat A Peach album. God, they were good before drugs and bad luck caught up with them. Listen to this, Louis. -Nice. I like rock and roll. No...I guess that's too mild. I love it. Since my ears started to die out on me, it's the only music I can really hear. And since my wife died...I dunno, some- times a little rock and roll fills up night. Not always, but sometimes. One more time--welcome to Ludlow. Hope your time here will be a happy one. -The one that goes into the woods--sure. That road--and those Orinco trucks-- are the two main reasons it's there. -That road--and those Orinco trucks-- are the two main reasons it's there. What's at the end of it? -You folks ready to go on? Sure. -Who owns the woods up ahead? Paper companies? Nope. The Micmac Indians. What's up ahead is all that's left of their tribal lands. -Not yet...how much further is it? Aw, you'll be okay. Less than a mile. -I can hardly read these. Ayuh--they get older as you go toward the middle. Pete LaVasseur's dog is buried there... the Stoppard boys' racing pigeon that Missus Cowley's cat got...and I think that's the cat himself right there, although it's been so many years I can't tell for sure. Missy Ellen! Come over here just a minute! -No--not right out loud. Their stones speak...or their markers. Even if the marker ain't nothing but a tin can someone wrote on with a Magic Marker, it speaks. Ain't that so, Louis? I think it is so, Ellie. -My wife is not crazy about cemeteries of any kind. As you may have noticed. Me neither. But I believe in knowing your enemy. -Did you tell me Rachel took the kids back to Chicago for a few days? For Ellie's birthday, yes. I didn't go because her old man thinks I'm a shit and the feeling is heartily re- ciprocated...they'll be back tomorrow night. Jud, what's this about? -For Ellie's birthday, yes. I didn't go because her old man thinks I'm a shit and the feeling is heartily re- ciprocated...they'll be back tomorrow night. Jud, what's this about? Well, there's a dead cat over here on the edge of my lawn, Louis. I think it might be your daughter's. -Well, there's a dead cat over here on the edge of my lawn, Louis. I think it might be your daughter's. Church? Oh. Oh, Jesus. -It's Church. I'm sorry. At least it don't look like he suffered. -I'm sorry. At least it don't look like he suffered. Ellie will, though. She'll suffer plenty. -Loved that cat pretty well, didn't she? Yes. -Bagged cat. What a mess. You going to bury him in the Pet Sematary? -Going to tell Ellie? I don't know. -I don't know. Seems like you told me about a promise you made-- -No need to apologize. Maybe when they call I'll just tell Ellie I haven't seen the damn cat around. You know? -Jud, this is crazy. It's going to be almost dark before we get back. It's going to be dark before we even get where we're going, Louis. But we can do it...and we're going to. -It's going to be dark before we even get where we're going, Louis. But we can do it...and we're going to. But-- -But-- Does she love the cat? -Does she love the cat? Yes, but-- -Yes, but-- Then come on. -What say, Louis? Nothing. Do we plant him on the outer circle or start a new one? -Nothing. Do we plant him on the outer circle or start a new one? We're still not where we're going. -What do you mean? The place we're going is on the other side of that. -We can't climb over that. We'll break our necks! No. We won't. I have climbed it a time or two before, and I know all the places to step. Just follow me...move easy...don't look down...and don't stop. If you stop, you'll crash through for sure. -No. We won't. I have climbed it a time or two before, and I know all the places to step. Just follow me...move easy...don't look down...and don't stop. If you stop, you'll crash through for sure. I'm not climbing that. -I'm not climbing that. Give me the cat. I'll take care of it myself. -No, you shouldn't have stopped. But you got away with it. Important thing is are you sure you're all right? Yes. Where are we going, Jud? -Yes. Where are we going, Jud? You'll see before long. Let's go. -Micmacs used to call it Little God Swamp. Is there quicksand? -Is there quicksand? Ayuh. -There's a lot of funny things down this way, Louis. You're telling me. -It's funny, all right. Just don't stop, Louis. You don't ever want to stop down here in Little God. And you don't ever want to look behind you, whatever you hear. -Almost there, Louis. You keep saying that. -You keep saying that. This time I mean it. -This was their burying ground, Louis. Whose burying ground? -Whose burying ground? The Micmac Indians. I brought you here to bury Ellen's cat. -The Micmac Indians. I brought you here to bury Ellen's cat. Why? For God's sake, why? -Why? For God's sake, why? I had my reasons, Louis. We'll talk later. All right? -I had my reasons, Louis. We'll talk later. All right? I guess so...but... -I guess so...but... You want to rest a bit before you start? -You want to rest a bit before you start? No, I'm okay. Will I really be able to dig him a grave? The soil looks thin. -No, I'm okay. Will I really be able to dig him a grave? The soil looks thin. Soil's thin, all right. But you'll manage. -What are those for? Your cairn. -Doesn't look like they last long. Don't worry about that. -Don't worry about that. Jud, why am I doing all this? -Jud, why am I doing all this? Because it's right. -But-- No buts! Accept what's done, Louis. What we done was right. Another time it might not be, but tonight it was... at least I hope to Christ it was. Now you make your call...but not a word about tonight. -I most generally don't start before noon, but this looks like an exception. What did we do, Jud? -What did we do, Jud? Why, saved a little girl from being unhappy...that's all. Drink up, Louis! -I tried to tell myself I buried him alive. You know--Edgar Allan Poe meets Felix the Cat. But... Wouldn't wash? -Wouldn't wash? No. I'm a doctor. I know death when I see it, and Church was dead. He smells horrible and he uses his claws, but he's alive...and I feel like I'm going crazy. It was that place, wasn't it? -No. I'm a doctor. I know death when I see it, and Church was dead. He smells horrible and he uses his claws, but he's alive...and I feel like I'm going crazy. It was that place, wasn't it? Ayuh. It was the rag-man told me about the place--Stanley Bouchard. Us kids just called him Stanny B. He was half Micmac himself. -Can I have another one? I guess it wouldn't hurt. -They buried their dead and for a long time their dead stayed buried. Then something happened. Half the tribe died in a season. The rest moved on. They said a Wendigo had soured the ground. Wendigo? -Wendigo? Spirit of the north country. Not a good spirit. Wendigos are great liars and tricksters, according to the stories. And if one touches you... -You and this old Indian rag-man-- Stanny B. did for me what I did for you last night, Louis. Only I wasn't alone when Spot came back. -Well, she was a little upset at first, and that's why I thought you ought to hold your peace when you talked to your people last night...you did, didn't you, Louis? Yes. -Yes. Why, then, things should be fine. -Why, then, things should be fine. A little upset is all she was? Because I'll tell you, Jud, my brains feel a little like a nuclear reactor on the edge of a meltdown. -A little upset is all she was? Because I'll tell you, Jud, my brains feel a little like a nuclear reactor on the edge of a meltdown. She got used to the idea. Spot lived another four years. He died peacefully in the night that second time, and I buried him in the Pet Sematary...where his bones still lie. -A man doesn't always know why he does things, Louis. I think I did it because your daughter ain't ready for her favorite pet to die. What? -What? Ellie's a little scared of death. And the main reason Ellie's that way is because your wife is a lot scared of death. Now you just go ahead and tell me I'm wrong. -Rachel not feeling well? Well...a touch of the flu... -Out of the mouths of babes, Louis. This babe has said enough. -Poor Missy. God, I was sorry to hear. I remember when she was no older'n Ellen there, walking down to the store with her Raggedy Anne doll draggin' behind her in the dust. I don't know why God takes someone like her, who should have a bunch of years still in front of them, and lets an old shit like me just go on and on. "My father used to have a saying, Jud-- ""God sees the truth, but waits.""" -"My father used to have a saying, Jud-- ""God sees the truth, but waits.""" Ayuh...how is your cat, Louis? -Ayuh...how is your cat, Louis? It's Ellie's cat. -It's Ellie's cat. Nope. He's your cat now. -Your father-in-law packs a wallop, for an old guy. He and his wife gone back to Chicago? No...squatting out there at the Holiday Inn like a couple of vultures. He really thinks Rachel's going to go back with them. Her and Ellie. -No...squatting out there at the Holiday Inn like a couple of vultures. He really thinks Rachel's going to go back with them. Her and Ellie. Louis-- -Jud, I buried my son today and I'm very tired. I wonder if we could just-- You're thinking of things best not thought of, Louis. -You're thinking of things best not thought of, Louis. I'm thinking about going to bed. ---but I think the thought has crossed your mind. Shit! Look at this mess! -Shit! Look at this mess! Ayuh--it's a mess, all right. -I know the Micmacs thought it was a holy place...and then they thought it was a cursed place. That's why they moved on. Because something called a wendigo soured the ground. -Because something called a wendigo soured the ground. And because the dead walked. -I'll bite--what's the bottom of the truth, Jud? Why...that sometimes dead is better. That's all. Sometimes dead is better. -I want to wake up. I want to wake up, that's all. I-- The door must not be opened. The barrier must not be crossed. Don't go on, doc. No matter how much you feel you have to. There's more power here than you know. -Please, I want to wake up. Leave me alone. It's not my fault you died; you were as good as dead when they brought you in-- The power of this place is old and always restless. Sometimes the dead do more than speak. Remember, doc. -The power of this place is old and always restless. Sometimes the dead do more than speak. Remember, doc. Leave me alone! -Leave me alone! Remember. -The door must not be opened. The barrier must not be crossed. You don't understand-- -I'll tell you where the ground is sour--the ground in my heart is sour. Let me tell you something else, Vic-baby: Wrong is wrong. Timmy Baterman. That was wrong. -Timmy Baterman. That was wrong. Don't talk like an asshole even if you are just a bit of underdone potato or a blot of mustard. -Let her go. It's cool. Louis, the house is beautiful. -And Buckaroo Banzai. Come on--let's parole 'em. -Gage's gone! Jesus, the road! -Thank you. Thank you so much. Yes--thanks. I'm Louis Creed. -The movers-- Yes--I know. This path, Louis? Where does it go? -Yes--I know. This path, Louis? Where does it go? I don't have the slightest idea. When I saw the house, this field was under four feet of snow. -You're not really going over to have a beer with that old guy, are you? Well, I've got a million questions about the area, and--- -Well, I've got a million questions about the area, and--- ---and you'll end up doing a free consultation on his arthritis or urinary problems and--- ----and you'll end up doing a free consultation on his arthritis or urinary problems and--- Did you see his shirt? -My God! It's beautiful! -I think it's rather extraordinary. Extraordinarily morbid, maybe. -She's finally asleep. She was a little over-excited, that's all. Poor kid. -She was a little over-excited, that's all. Poor kid. It was that place. That creepy cemetery up in the woods. Whatever disease the kids in this town have got, I don't want Ellie to catch it. -It was that place. That creepy cemetery up in the woods. Whatever disease the kids in this town have got, I don't want Ellie to catch it. Jesus, Rachel, what's got into you? -Jesus, Rachel, what's got into you? Do you think I didn't hear her tonight, crying as if her heart would break? Here she is thinking Church is going to die. -Don't be silly. Church is not going to die. According to what Mr. Crandall says, the road's a lot more dangerous than the operation. Church will be just the same. Well--almost the same--and we won't have to worry about him getting turned into catburgers by one of those damn Orinco trucks. -That's enough of that kind of talk! I just said-- -I just said-- I know what you just said. Ellie, clear your place. -You'll be fine, Ellie. Now you can be excused. Go and wash your face. And Church will be fine. -Well, honey...you know that... Don't shilly-shally, Louis. Give the little girl her promise. -Thank you, Louis. Oh, you're welcome. Only if some- thing should go wrong while he's under the gas--it's a one-in-a-thousand shot, but it happens--you explain to her. -Getting there. I got eggs down here! -I got eggs down here! Good d-- -I heard you tonight. I thought maybe you did. I know you don't approve of the subject being raised-- -I thought maybe you did. I know you don't approve of the subject being raised-- That's not true. The subject scares me. Because of Zelda. -I'm sorry I couldn't go with you to Missy's funeral. And that I blew up when we went to that silly animal graveyard. That's forgotten. -That's forgotten. Not by me, it isn't. I know how badly I acted, how unfair I was. It's just that I..you know. -Not by me, it isn't. I know how badly I acted, how unfair I was. It's just that I..you know. Yes, I guess I do. -I'm going to try to do better. You're doing fine. -You better get going, hon. Oh Louis, I just don't know about this-- -Oh Louis, I just don't know about this-- I told you last night--this can be the start of patching things up with your folks. If something good doesn't come of Gage's death, I think I'll go crazy. -I told you last night--this can be the start of patching things up with your folks. If something good doesn't come of Gage's death, I think I'll go crazy. Louis, are you sure? -Louis, are you sure? I'm sure. -You stole my boat. AnaMaria! Have you seen Gibbs? I need to put together -- -My dory. The Jolly Mon. Where is it? Safe! At Port Royal. With the Royal Navy. -Safe! At Port Royal. With the Royal Navy. That boat is my livelihood! -That boat is my livelihood! You'll get it back. Or one better. -You'll get it back. Or one better. I will. -How does he do that? They'll be anchored on the lee side. Haul your wind, and keep to the weather of the island -- -AnaMaria, trim the mainsail! Aye, aye, sir! -Aye, aye, sir! Mr. Gibbs, organize a cleaning detail -- you and Cotton. I want every inch of the Pearl spic-and- span and ship-shape! -What's in your head, boy? She. Goes. Free. -She. Goes. Free. You've got one shot -- and we can't die. -You've got one shot -- and we can't die. You can't. I can. -Enough of that! Name your terms. Elizabeth goes free! -Elizabeth goes free! We got that part. Anything else? -We got that part. Anything else? And Jack. And the crew. Free and unharmed. If you agree ... then ... I will remain with you. -You must swear by the Holy Bible. Eh? You have my word, then -- on the Good Book, I do swear, and the Lord spare my worthless soul. -No! You gave your word! Quite, boy, or you'll lose your tongue. Those as know me know I wouldn't cross my word, and bring down bad luck on the ship. I agreed to set them free. I didn't when ... nor where. -Hah. Ten years you carried that pistol, and you end up wasting your shot. He didn't waste it. -I know whose blood you need, to end the curse. Say the name, or I slit your throat. -Say the name, or I slit your throat. No you won't. -Allow me the humor of listening to your terms. Simple. I have something you won't more than anything. The way to free you from the curse of the treasure. You have something I want -- more than anything. -Simple. I have something you won't more than anything. The way to free you from the curse of the treasure. You have something I want -- more than anything. The Pearl? Oh, that's fine. And just how do you expect this to work? -The Pearl? Oh, that's fine. And just how do you expect this to work? You give me the Pearl. Then I tell you who you need. -That's your offer? You, sailing away nice and pretty with the Black Pearl, and all I have is a name? That's right. -That's right. I'm supposed to ... trust you? -You see, I've got this honest streak in me -- in its own way, a sort of curse. Oh, and there's the fact that you have no choice. I'll torture it out of you. -I'll torture it out of you. You left me on a desert island -- what worse can you do? -Blast you! I'll throw you in prison. Wait as long as you like. -Wait as long as you like. You're setting me up for a double cross, you with the ship, and me with nothing more than your word! -You're setting me up for a double cross, you with the ship, and me with nothing more than your word! Let's say I tell you the wrong person. What would you do? -Let's say I tell you the wrong person. What would you do? Track you down and -- -Jack, I don't trust you, and that's a fact. Never trust a smiling man, you can lay to that. See, that's where we're different. I trust you ... to do what it takes to get what you want. -See, that's where we're different. I trust you ... to do what it takes to get what you want. You're playing this as close to the edge as any man, I'll give you that. We might just have to sign articles, you and I. Jack, you're a pirate at heart, that's certain. -What -- you don't have the medallion? That fool woman took it. You be careful around her, Jack -- she's pretty enough, she'll steal your heart -- but pure evil inside. -That fool woman took it. You be careful around her, Jack -- she's pretty enough, she'll steal your heart -- but pure evil inside. I'll watch my back. -I'll watch my back. Bosun! Set up Mr. Sparrow's quarters, nice and fine ... in the brig. Meaning no disrespect, of course. -It's pure evil to make a Captain walk the plank of his own ship, twice in one lifetime. No good can come of it. Now, Jack. That reef is less than a league distant. It's a square deal all around, and you can't hope for better. -Now, Jack. That reef is less than a league distant. It's a square deal all around, and you can't hope for better. Someone needs to cut these bonds, then. -You'd best take a swim, Jack. The last time you do this, you left me a pistol, with one shot. -So how did you get off that island, anyway? You can go to your grave not knowing. -You can go to your grave not knowing. That's fair. -No, I really think I do. All right then. -Why don't I want to do this? Because, right about now, the H.M.S. Dauntless is lying in wait in the harbor. -You've no hope of surviving Norrington's attack ... that is, if you're mortal. What're you suggesting? -Like after you've killed ... Every ... Last ... One ... of Norrington's men. I can't help wondering, Jack, why you're being so helpful and all? Last time you did that, it didn't end well for you. -I can't help wondering, Jack, why you're being so helpful and all? Last time you did that, it didn't end well for you. The situation has changed. -The situation has changed. That so? -That so? Aye. See, after you're done with the Royal Navy, you'll have a bit of a problem: the H.M.S. Dauntless. There you'll be, with two lovely ships on your hands, and what to do? Of course you'll decide you deserve the bigger one, and who's to argue? The Dauntless a first- rate ship-of-line, and with it, you can rule the seas. But if you're Captain of the Dauntless, who's left for the Black Pearl? -Now, you can take care of the Dauntless, right? Men! Are you up for it? -There's ... another exit? Aye, for us there is. -Just so you know, Jack -- I don't think you're that clever. I think you're a fool. A mortal fool. Remarkable how often those two traits coincide. -So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals, locked in epic battle until the trumpets of Judgement Day? Or you could surrender. -Now? Now. No, don't kill him. -Looks like your back to having nothing to offer. And he's got Old Bill's courage. A curse on him, and you! -That's proper, sir, according to the code. By the powers, you're right! Where's Jack's pistol? Who's got it? Bring it forward! -No reason to fret. It's just a prick of the finger and a few drops of blood. Turner blood doesn't flow pure in his veins. Best play it safe, and spill it all. -Turner blood doesn't flow pure in his veins. Best play it safe, and spill it all. I guess there is a reason to fret. -Do you believe him? No. But him I believe. He us genuinely angry. -My apologies, miss. As you were saying, before you were so rudely interrupted? Captain Barbossa ... I have come to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal. -There was a lot of long words in there, miss, and we're not but humble pirates. What is it you want? I want you to leave. And never come back. -I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means 'No.' Very well. -I'll drop it! My holds are bursting with swag. That bit of shine matters to me ... Why? -My holds are bursting with swag. That bit of shine matters to me ... Why? Because it's what you're searching for. You've been searching for it for years. I recognize this ship. I saw it eight years ago, when we made the crossing from England. -Because it's what you're searching for. You've been searching for it for years. I recognize this ship. I saw it eight years ago, when we made the crossing from England. Did you, now? -You have a name, missy? Elizabeth -- Turner. I'm a maid in the governor's household. -You've got sand, for a maid. Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir. And how does a maid come to own a trinket such as that? A family heirloom, perhaps? -And how does a maid come to own a trinket such as that? A family heirloom, perhaps? Of course. I didn't steal it, if that's what you mean. -Of course. I didn't steal it, if that's what you mean. No, no, nothing like that. Very well. You hand that over, we'll put your town to our rudder and ne'er return. -No, no, nothing like that. Very well. You hand that over, we'll put your town to our rudder and ne'er return. Can I trust you? -Can I trust you? It's you who invoked the parlay! Believe me, Miss, you'd best hand it over, now ... or these be the last friendly words you'll hear! -Maid or not, it fits you. Dare I ask the fate of it previous owner? -Dare I ask the fate of it previous owner? Now, none of that. Please dig in. -Oh, there would be no sense in killing you, Miss Turner. Then why aren't you eating? -Then why aren't you eating? Would that I could. -Do you not know what this is, then? It's a pirate medallion. -It's a pirate medallion. It's a piece of the treasure of Isla de Muerta. -The curse drove you to gather this? Aye. And not a bit of it any use to us, only hoarded. But it will drive us no longer. -Agreed. You have my word, as a gentleman of fortune -- Will -- you can't trust him. -I think it would be rather exciting to meet a pirate. Think again, Miss Swann. Vile and dissolute creatures, the lot of them. I intend to see to it that any man who sails under a pirate flag, or wears a pirate brand, gets what he deserves: a short drop and a sudden stop. -Man overboard! Boy overboard! -Boy overboard! Fetch a hook -- haul him out of there! -Did he speak? His name is Will Turner -- that's all I found out. -His name is Will Turner -- that's all I found out. Very good. -I apologize if I seem forward -- but I must speak my mind. This promotion confirms that I have accomplished the goals I set for myself in my career. But it also casts into sharp relief that which I have not achieved. The thing all men most require: a marriage to a fine woman. You have become a fine woman, Elizabeth. I can't breathe. -I can't breathe. I'm a bit nervous, myself -- -Commodore, I must protest. Pirate or not, this man saved my life. One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness. -On his heels! Gillette, bring a squad down from the fort! Elizabeth, are you -- Yes, I'm all right, I'm fine! Go capture him. -Elizabeth, I'm relieved you're safe. Clap him in irons. And behind his back this time. Commodore, you can't do that! -Commodore, you can't do that! You're speaking up for him again? -You're speaking up for him again? He can locate Isla de Muerta -- but I doubt he'll be willing to help us from the brig. -No. The pirates have taken Will -- Your father is frantic with worry. Our mission was to rescue you and return home. That is what we shall do. Mr. Turner's fate is regrettable. But so was his decision to engage in piracy. -Your father is frantic with worry. Our mission was to rescue you and return home. That is what we shall do. Mr. Turner's fate is regrettable. But so was his decision to engage in piracy. Commodore, please! -Commodore, I beg you -- please do this ... for me. As a wedding gift. I am to understand that you will accept my marriage proposal on the condition I rescue Mr. Turner? -I am to understand that you will accept my marriage proposal on the condition I rescue Mr. Turner? Not as a condition -- a request. -Elizabeth, I hereby withdraw my proposal. What? -What? I know where your heart truly lies. -You may seclude yourself in my cabin. I'm afraid we do not have any ladies' clothing aboard. Then I can wear men's clothing. -Then I can wear men's clothing. That would hardly be proper. -That would hardly be proper. Well, I am not going to stay hidden in some cabin, or I suppose it's going to be heaving bosoms and bare for the remainder of the voyage! -Actually, I find it all fascinating. And that's what concerns me. Elizabeth, we will be landing in Port Royal soon, and beginning our new lives. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we comport ourselves as befits our class and station? -And that's what concerns me. Elizabeth, we will be landing in Port Royal soon, and beginning our new lives. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we comport ourselves as befits our class and station? Yes, father. -Elizabeth? Is everything all right? Are you decent? Yes -- yes. -It's -- beautiful. May I inquire as to the occasion? Is an occasion necessary for a father to dote upon his daughter with gifts? -Although ... I did think you could wear it to the ceremony today. Ceremony? -Ceremony? Captain Norrington's promotion ceremony. -I knew it. Or, rather, Commodore Norrington ... a fine gentleman, don't you think? He fancies you, you know. -Difficult ... to say. I'm told that dress is the very latest fashion in London. -I'm told that dress is the very latest fashion in London. Women in London must have learned to not breathe. -Elizabeth, this is hardly appropriate -- About the day we met. Do you remember? -What? Parlay! I invoke the right of parlay! According to the Code of the Brethern, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew, you must take me to your Captain! -Parlay! I invoke the right of parlay! According to the Code of the Brethern, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew, you must take me to your Captain! I know the code. -I know the code. If an adversary demands parlay, you can do them no harm until the parlay is complete. -If an adversary demands parlay, you can do them no harm until the parlay is complete. It would appear, so do you. -You'll be dining with the Captain, and he requests you wear this. Tell the captain that I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request. -Tell the captain that I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request. He said you say that! He also said if that be the case, you'll be dining with the crew, and you'll be naked. -I could never forget it, Miss Swann. Will, how many times must I ask you to call me 'Elizabeth'? -Will, how many times must I ask you to call me 'Elizabeth'? At least once more, Miss Swann. As always. -I'm glad we got here in time. Truthfully -- you were a bit late. -Why would my father send this to me? To keep it away from them? No pirate would sail to London, for fear of Execution Dock. -To keep it away from them? No pirate would sail to London, for fear of Execution Dock. If I had known -- -If I had known -- -- then we never would have met. -I can't believe he would make such a sacrifice for us. I guess you can never truly know someone else's heart. -There. And don't you dare tell me that wasn't a proper kiss! Elizabeth, I think it doesn't matter that we are of a different class -- -Elizabeth, I think it doesn't matter that we are of a different class -- It doesn't! -It doesn't! -- but that was not a proper kiss. -Miss Swann. Miss Swann, if you'll be so kind? -You are despicable. I saved your life; now you've saved mine. We're square. -You?! Me! -Me! You're in league with Barbossa! -You're in league with Barbossa! No, I'm -- rescuing you. -Come on! No. This won't work. I'll stay behind, and fight them. You go on. -Has it changed since the last time you were here? The trees are taller. -Captain Sparrow! We have to get off this island -- immediately! Don't be thinking I'm not already working on it. -What? What's wrong? How will this help us get off the island? It won't. It won't, and so we won't. -But ... you did it before! Last time -- Last time, I was here a grand total of three days. Last time, the rumrunners who used this island as a cache came by, and I bartered passage off. But from the looks of this, they've been out of business, and so that won't be happening again. We probably have your friend Norrington to thank for that. -Last time, I was here a grand total of three days. Last time, the rumrunners who used this island as a cache came by, and I bartered passage off. But from the looks of this, they've been out of business, and so that won't be happening again. We probably have your friend Norrington to thank for that. So that's it? That's the secret grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow? You spent three days on the beach drinking rum? -So that's it? That's the secret grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow? You spent three days on the beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Caribbean, love. -You should look at our contretemps this way: we've got shade trees, thank the Lord. We've got some food on the trees, thank the Lord again. And we've got rum, praise the Lord. We can stay alive a month, maybe more. Keep a weather eye open for passing ships, and our chances are fair. A month? Will doesn't have a month! We've got to do something to help him! -A month? Will doesn't have a month! We've got to do something to help him! You're right. Here's luck to you, Will Turner. -Don't be thinking I'm happy about this, Elizabeth. But I see no use in wailing and gnashing my teeth over that which I can do nothing about. Not when you can drink instead, at least. -Drink up me hearties, yo ho ... What? What was that? Something funny, Miss Swann? Share, please. -What? What was that? Something funny, Miss Swann? Share, please. Nothing ... it's nothing. Just ... I'm reminded of a song I learned as a child. A song about pirates. -Nothing ... it's nothing. Just ... I'm reminded of a song I learned as a child. A song about pirates. I know a lot of songs about pirates, but none I'd teach a child. Let's hear it. -I know a lot of songs about pirates, but none I'd teach a child. Let's hear it. Oh, no ... it's silly. Back in England we didn't know a thing about pirates, really. They seemed so romantic and daring -- -That was before I met one, of course. Now I must hear this song. An authentic pirate song. Have at it. -Now I must hear this song. An authentic pirate song. Have at it. Well, perhaps ... with a bit more to drink, I might ... -Well, perhaps ... with a bit more to drink, I might ... More to drink! -When I get the Black Pearl back, I'm going to teach it to the whole crew, and we'll sing it all the time! You'll be positively the most fearsome pirates to sail the Spanish Main. -Jack, it must be so terrible for you, to be trapped here on this island, all over again. Ah, well ... the company is better than last time. And the scenery has definitely improved. -Ah, well ... the company is better than last time. And the scenery has definitely improved. Mr. Sparrow! I'm not sure I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk. -Mr. Sparrow! I'm not sure I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk. We've got a few bottles left ... and we've yet to tap the kegs. -To freedom. To the Black Pearl. -What are you doing? You've burned our food, the shade -- the rum! Yes, the rum is gone. -Why? One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into scoundrels. Two -- -That signal is over a thousand feet high, which means it can be seen for two hundred leagues in every direction. The entire Royal Navy is out to sea looking for me -- do you think there is even a chance they could miss it? You -- you burned up the island, for a one-time chance at being spotted? -You -- you burned up the island, for a one-time chance at being spotted? Exactly. -You didn't tell Commodore Norrington everything. Nor did you, I noticed. -Nor did you, I noticed. He might delay the rescue ... and that would be too late. -He might delay the rescue ... and that would be too late. Exactly. -Exactly. These men will be facing an enemy that seemingly cannot be killed. -These men will be facing an enemy that seemingly cannot be killed. I have a plan. If it succeeds, then any battle will be decidedly brief ... and one-sided. -I have a plan. If it succeeds, then any battle will be decidedly brief ... and one-sided. What's your plan? -Curse you for breathing, you slack- jawed idiot. Mother's love, Jack, you know better than to wake a man when he's sleeping. It's bad luck! Well, fortunately, I know how to counter it. The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink, and the man who was sleeping it drinks it while listening to a proposition. -Well, fortunately, I know how to counter it. The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink, and the man who was sleeping it drinks it while listening to a proposition. Aye, that'll about do it. -Make it last, then. Now, what's the nature of this venture of yours? First -- have you found me a crew? -First -- have you found me a crew? Oh, there's a hard tale, Jack. Most of the decent pirates in town won't sail with you -- seem to think you're a jinx. -Oh, there's a hard tale, Jack. Most of the decent pirates in town won't sail with you -- seem to think you're a jinx. Now where, I wonder, would they have gotten that idea? -Say again? I'm going after the Black Pearl. I know where it's going to be, and I'm going to take it. -I'm going after the Black Pearl. I know where it's going to be, and I'm going to take it. Jack, it's a fool's errand: You've heard the tales they tell about the Pearl. -Jack, it's a fool's errand: You've heard the tales they tell about the Pearl. Aye, and that's why I know where it's going to be, and that's why I know what Barbossa is up to. All I need is a crew. -Aye, and that's why I know where it's going to be, and that's why I know what Barbossa is up to. All I need is a crew. A fool's errand. -A fool's errand. Not if the fool has something Barbossa wants. Something he needs. -Not if the fool has something Barbossa wants. Something he needs. And you've got that, have you? -Kid's a bit of a stick, isn't he? That he is. -We'd best drop canvas, sir! She can hold a bit longer. -What's in your head to put you in such a fine mood? We're catching up! -How did you get off the island? Ah, that's a dark and unpleasant tale, best left untold. -Blast it, I'm already awake! I know. That was for the smell. -How do we expect to find an island no one can find -- with a compass that doesn't work? Now, lad, just because it don't point north don't mean it don't work. That compass gives bearings to the Isla de Muerta, wherever it may lay. -Now, lad, just because it don't point north don't mean it don't work. That compass gives bearings to the Isla de Muerta, wherever it may lay. Really? So ... what's the story on the pistol? -I'll tell lee. Now, Jack Sparrow has an honest streak in him, and that's where the whole problem starts. This was when he was Captain of the Black Pearl -- What? He never told me that. -What? He never told me that. Ah -- he's learned, then. Plays things more close to the vest. See, Jack was a cartographer, back in Old England. Somehow he came by the money to commission the Pearl. Hired himself a crew, promised each man an equal share. So, they're forty days out, and the First Mate says, everything's an equal share, that should mean the location of the island, too. So Jack gave up the bearings. That night, there was a mutiny. -Jack gave hisself up for the sake of his loyal crew. He was marooned on an island, left there to die. How did he get off the island? -It's a signal. If we resist, it won't just be death. There'll be torture as well. We're not going to just surrender! -We're not going to just surrender! That we are. -We can at least fight -- we might be able to kill a few-- Will -- it'll go worse for us -- for Elizabeth, especially -- if we fight. -Raise the sails. The wind is quarter from astern ... by the time we're underway, we'll never catch them. -The wind is quarter from astern ... by the time we're underway, we'll never catch them. We need only to come about, to put them in range of the long nines. -Hands! Come about! Jackets off the cannons! We are to fire on our own ship? Better to see it at the bottom of the sea than in the hands of a pirate. -All the men in place, sir. Ready to fire. Wait for my order -- what the blazes is that? -Sir! Shall I break out the cannons? I don't think that will be necessary. -Dead serious. You understand this ship cannot be crewed by only two men. You'll never make it out of the bay. -You understand this ship cannot be crewed by only two men. You'll never make it out of the bay. We'll see about that. -Sir, I'll not see any of my men killed or wounded in this foolish enterprise. Fine by me. We brought you a nice little boat, so you can all get back to shore, safe and sound. -Fine by me. We brought you a nice little boat, so you can all get back to shore, safe and sound. Agreed. You have the momentary advantage, sir. But I will see you smile from the yard arm, sir. -Agreed. You have the momentary advantage, sir. But I will see you smile from the yard arm, sir. As likely as not. Will, short up the anchor, we've got ourselves a ship! -This dock is off-limits to civilians. Sorry, I didn't know. -Some sort of to-do up at the fort, eh? You two weren't invited? No ... somone has to make sure this dock stays off-limits to civilians. -No ... somone has to make sure this dock stays off-limits to civilians. This must be some important boat. -That's a fine goal, I'm sure ... But it seems to me a ship like that -- -- makes this one here just a wee superflous. Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough -- but there's no ship that can match the Interceptor for speed. -Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough -- but there's no ship that can match the Interceptor for speed. That so? I've heard of one, supposed to be fast, neigh uncatchable ... the Black Pearl? -What's your name? Smith. -None? Very well. You rumbled me. I confess: I intend to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, and go on the account, do a little honest pirating. I said, no lies. -Well, well... Jack Sparrow, isn't it? Captain Jack Sparrow. If you please. -Taking stock: you've got a pistol with only one shot, a compass that doesn't point north ... and no ship. You are without a doubt the worst pirate I have ever heard of. Ah, but you have heard of me. -But it seems to be enough to condemn him. Indeed. -We had time to get to know each other. We are bound for Port Royal, not Isla de Muerta. -Norrington, think about it ... the Black Pearl, its captain and crew ... the last pirate threat in the Caribbean. How can you pass that up? By remembering that I serve others, not only myself. -I don't like the situation, Mister Sparrow. The island is riddled with caves. I will not put my men at a disadvantage. Funny, I was thinking along those lines. How about you let me go in alone, and while you're setting up an ambush, I'll trick the pirates out to you. -Funny, I was thinking along those lines. How about you let me go in alone, and while you're setting up an ambush, I'll trick the pirates out to you. You would do that? -You would do that? They left me stranded. Twice. What have you got to lose? -They left me stranded. Twice. What have you got to lose? Nothing I wouldn't be please to be rid of. -Nothing I wouldn't be please to be rid of. I knew you'd listen to reason! -That chart I drew up'll get you past the reefs. If you're steersman's good enough, that is. I'll be at the wheel myself. -I'll be at the wheel myself. I'll slip in, talk them into to come out, and you'll be free to blow holy high heaven the whole lot of them. -You look familiar ... Have I ever threatened you before? I've made a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates. -I've made a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates. Ah. Then it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record. So if you'll excuse me ... -Do you think this is wise, boy? Crossing blades with a pirate? You threatened Miss Swann. -You threatened Miss Swann. Only a little. -Who makes all these? I do. And I practice with them. At least three hours a day. -I do. And I practice with them. At least three hours a day. You need to find yourself a girl. Or maybe the reason you practice three hours a day is you've found one -- but can't get her? -You cheated. Pirate. -Move away. No. -No. Move! -Move! No. I can not just step aside and let you escape. -Are you familiar with that ship? The Black Pearl? Somewhat. -Somewhat. Where does it make berth? -Where does it make berth? Surely you've heard the stories? The Black Pearl sails from the dreaded Isla de Mureta ... an island that cannot be found -- except by those who already know where it is. -Surely you've heard the stories? The Black Pearl sails from the dreaded Isla de Mureta ... an island that cannot be found -- except by those who already know where it is. The ship's real enough. So its anchorage must be a real place. Where is it? -The ship's real enough. So its anchorage must be a real place. Where is it? Why ask me? -Why ask me? Because you're a pirate. -Because you're a pirate. And you want to turn pirate yourself? -And you want to turn pirate yourself? Never. They took Miss Swann. -Never. They took Miss Swann. So it is that you found a girl. Well, if you're intending to brave all and hasten to her rescue and so win fair lady's heart, you'll have to do it alone. I see no profit in it for me. -I can get you out of here. How? The key's run off. -How? The key's run off. I helped build these cells. Those are hook-and-ring hinges. The proper application of strength, the door'll lift free. Just calls for the right lever and fulcrum ... -Agreed. Agreed! -Not without my effects. We need to go! -Why are brothering with that? My business, Will. As for your business -- one question, or there's no use going. This girl -- what does she mean to you? How far are you willing to go to save her? -My business, Will. As for your business -- one question, or there's no use going. This girl -- what does she mean to you? How far are you willing to go to save her? I'd die for her. -I'd die for her. Good. -Come aboard. I haven't set foot off dry land since I was twelve, when the ship I was on exploded. It's been a sound policy. -I haven't set foot off dry land since I was twelve, when the ship I was on exploded. It's been a sound policy. No worries there. She's far more likely to rot out from under us. -We're going to steal a ship? That ship? Commandeer. We're going to commandeer a ship. Nautical term. -Commandeer. We're going to commandeer a ship. Nautical term. It's still against the law. -It's still against the law. So's breaking a man out of jail. Face it, Will: you may say you'll never be a pirate, but you're off to a rip-roaring start. My advice -- smile and enjoy it. -This is either crazy, or brilliant. Remarkable how often those two traits coincide. -Everybody stay calm. We're taking over the ship! Aye! Avast! -For a man whose made an industry of avoiding boats, you're a quick study. I worked passage from England as a cabin boy. After my mother passed, I came out here ... looking for my father. -I worked passage from England as a cabin boy. After my mother passed, I came out here ... looking for my father. Is that so? -Is that so? My father. William Turner? -I knew him. Probably one of the few he knew him as William Turner. Most everyone just called him Bill, or 'Bootstrap' Bill. 'Bootstrap?' -'Bootstrap?' Good man. Good pirate. And clever -- I never met anyone with as clever a mind and hands as him. When you were puzzling out that cell door, it was like seeing his twin. -Good man. Good pirate. And clever -- I never met anyone with as clever a mind and hands as him. When you were puzzling out that cell door, it was like seeing his twin. That's not true. -That's not true. I swear, you look just like him. -I swear, you look just like him. It's not true my father was a pirate. -It's not true my father was a pirate. Figured you wouldn't want to hear it. -Figured you wouldn't want to hear it. He was a merchant marine! He was a respectable man who obeyed the law, and followed the rules-- -He was a merchant marine! He was a respectable man who obeyed the law, and followed the rules-- You think your father is the only man who ever lived the Glasgow life, telling folk one thing, and then going off to do another? There's quite a few who come here, hoping to amass enough swag to ease the burdens of respectable life. And they're all 'merchant marines.' -You think your father is the only man who ever lived the Glasgow life, telling folk one thing, and then going off to do another? There's quite a few who come here, hoping to amass enough swag to ease the burdens of respectable life. And they're all 'merchant marines.' My father did not think of my mother -- his family -- as a burden. -My father did not think of my mother -- his family -- as a burden. Sure -- because he could always go pirating. -Sure -- because he could always go pirating. My father -- was not -- a pirate! -Put it away, Will. It's not worth getting beat again. You didn't beat me. You ignored the rule of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you. -You didn't beat me. You ignored the rule of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you. Then that's not much incentive for me to fight fair, is it? -Tortuga? Oh -- did I forget to mention that? -Just do it quickly. Don't worry. I've already got a Quartermaster -- there! -Shut up, before you lose them all! These are the only ones worth having. And we're going to need them -- -Wait -- what about the pistol? The pistol. When a pirate is marooned, Will, he's given a pistol with a single shot. No good for hunting, or surviving, really. But after three weeks of starvation and thrist -- the option of that pistol begins to look good. -But I survived. And I still have that single shot. It's meant for one man. My mutinous first mate-- Barbossa. -What's that? Depends. -Depends. On what? -On what? On whether the stories are all true. If they are, that's a waterfall that spills over at high tide, with a short drop to an underground lagoon. If not -- -Miss Swann! We're here to rescue you! It's going badly! This way! -No. I'll lead them away. -Go to the opposite end of the island, and signal the ship. I'll keep 'em busy. Are you sure? Jack -- this is not something you have to do. -Are you sure? Jack -- this is not something you have to do. I'm sure. When you've led the kind of life that I have, there are debts that must be paid. Maybe I can balance the scales a little. -Will -- don't do anything stupid! Don't say anything stupid -- My name is Will Turner, the son of Bootstrap Bill Turner. His blood runs in my veins. You need my blood. And on my word I will pull this trigger, and sink all the way down to Davy Jones' Locker! -Do you have any idea where you're going? Jack! -Jack! Don't talk. These caves magnify sound. Just follow me. -Are you certain this is the right way? It's the right way. -Jack! -- and its guns and crew will cut you and your men to pieces the moment you step outside these caves. -Well, you're the worst pirate I've ever heard of. You're a man who can be trusted, who can be counted on, and who can't betray his friends. What kind of pirate is that? The worst. On the other hand, maybe I'm a man who can't pass up a chance for revenge against the black-hearted bastard who stole my ship and left me to die in the middle of the ocean -- twice! -- and who knows how to get what he wants. Now that's a great pirate. -There's no *real* ship as can match the Interceptor. The Black Pearl is a real ship. -The Black Pearl is a real ship. No, it's not. -No, it's not. Yes it is. I've seen it. -Yes it is. I've seen it. You've seen it? -You've seen it? Yes. -Yes. You've seen the Black Pearl? -You've seen the Black Pearl? Yes. -Yes. You haven't seen it. -You haven't seen it. Yes, I have. -Yes, I have. You've seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out? -You've seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out? ... No. -... No. No. -No. But I've seen a ship with black sails. -But I've seen a ship with black sails. Oh, and no ship that's not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails and therefore couldn't possibly be any ship other than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're saying? -Oh, and no ship that's not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails and therefore couldn't possibly be any ship other than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're saying? ... no. -... no. Like I said, there's no real ship as can match -- Hey! -What's your business in Port Royal, 'Mr. Smith'? And no lies! -I think he's telling the truth. He's not telling the truth. -He's not telling the truth. He may be. -He may be. If he were telling truth he wouldn't have told us. -That Jack Sparrow ... he talked about the Black Pearl. Mentioned it, is more what he did. -Mentioned it, is more what he did. Still -- -Captain Norrington... I appreciate your fervor, but I am concerned about the effect this subject will have on my daughter. My apologies, Governor. -He's still breathing. Where did he come from? -What happened here? An explosion in the powder magazine. Merchant vessels run heavily armed. -Has my daughter given you an answer yet? No. She hasn't. -No. She hasn't. Well, she had a very taxing day... Ghastly weather tonight. -Well, she had a very taxing day... Ghastly weather tonight. Bleak. Very bleak. -Commodore -- A moment. -A moment. But -- -But -- Please. -Please. Dammit, man, it appears someone is stealing your ship! -How long do you leave him in there? Until he's done. -Mr. Sim, when you do locate him. Do not scare him off again. Just watch him. I think you can handle that. Right, Mr. Sim? You got it, Dr. Argon. -Look, I don't mean to rain on everyone's ascension here, but we got a little problem. Speak. -Speak. Dr. Bright has escaped. -Dr. Argon, everything's starting to come apart here. You hired me to take care of these matters of security and I am trying, but elements are making my job impossible. Have you found Dr. Bright? -Have you found Dr. Bright? No. The captain of the containment crew is closing down the main lab. He says the area has got to be evacuated. -Wheelchair accessible. Dr. Argon, I demand an explanation. -Not anymore, Mr. O'Brien. The nanobot has changed that. If you think I would ever give you the nanobot after this, you are deluding yourself. -If you think I would ever give you the nanobot after this, you are deluding yourself. You don't have to give it to us because Dr. Nebbleman can just cut it out of him. -Mr. Sim I want you to return to Dr. Bright's. I believe she is hiding something of ours there. No. -Dr. Bright, I don't have to do anything. But in another twenty-four hours the core meltdown will be beyond the stabilization period. There will be no way to stop it. -But in another twenty-four hours the core meltdown will be beyond the stabilization period. There will be no way to stop it. To be brutally honest with you, Susan, as long as the nanobot does to me what it did to that idiot O'Brien, I don't give a rat's ass about what happens after that. -You can't mean that. Come with me, Susan. I want to show you something. -Something to drink, Dr. Bright? No, thank you. -No, thank you. You'll forgive me but all the excitement has left me extremely parched. Poppy? -We will always love most that which we create. Don't you agree, Susan? Does that mean Oppenheimer loved the atomic bomb? -I brought you up here, Dr. Bright, because I want you to understand that we are on the path. The only difference is that you are walking with your head down, afraid to look up, to see where the path is going. I suppose you are going to tell me where it is going. -I suppose you are going to tell me where it is going. I ask you what is the purpose of science? What is the point of all our relentless exploration, investigation and experimentation? It is to understand a single physical phenomenon, or to understand them all? To cure one disease, or to cure every disease? If science is simply a means, what then is the end? -Pollution? Do you know what I see? I see man making his own clouds. I see man coloring his own sky, and like this garden it is a site that makes my heart sing. -This is our world, Susan, and once you realize that, you will understand that the only place our path can end is on the throne of heaven. Science is the quest for divine perfection. How do you know we're not heading in the wrong direction? -How do you know we're not heading in the wrong direction? I look behind us, I look to the past, to a world steeped in rot and decay. I think of the Acropolis in another century reduced to little more than dust. I see the faces of Rushmore eventually losing all distinction, and then I look at this... -I swear to you, Argon, if you don't stop the meltdown that nanobot will be the last one I ever build. Susan, I sense you are having difficulty understanding the situation you are presently in. I ask that you keep in mind that I am ready to reduce an entire city to gelatin to get what I want. -What are you going to do to him? Do? Well, I suppose that depends on you. -What did you use? A light mixture of oxygen, dioxide, and sodium pentothal. He'll sleep, that's all. -I can explain it. Attempted murder wasn't enough for him. He wants to add kidnapping to the charges. If you'd like, we can go straight to the authorities. I understand they are very interested in talking to you. -... plastic. Wow, that is one moving story. Take it easy on my heart strings. Now I really feel guilty complaining about you shooting me up with your poison. -Wow, that is one moving story. Take it easy on my heart strings. Now I really feel guilty complaining about you shooting me up with your poison. Poison? I'm surprised at you. You lack vision, Mr. O'Brien. -Poison? I'm surprised at you. You lack vision, Mr. O'Brien. You're lacking a few things too: ethics, morals, common decency and, oh yeah, deodorant. -The body is just another part of nature and ever since we gave up trees for central air, there has been nothing sacred about nature. Nature is the enemy, Mr. O'Brien, and science is our greatest weapon against her. You egomaniacs make me laugh. Nature's going to bury you like she buries everyone else. -I should kill you right now for what you did to me! Maybe you should, but you can't. -How apropos. Ain't it. -As you can see I am a new man, just like you. Oh no. You're not like me. In fact, I'm betting you're the same greedy, remorseless, egomaniacal bad guy you always were. -It remains to be seen who is the good guy and who is the bad guy. History is written by the victor. The only history I'm gonna write is your obituary! -I know what you're doing. You mean besides kicking your ass?! -You mean besides kicking your ass?! You think you can use me to stop the meltdown. -Please, O'Brien, don't do this to me! I'll give you anything you want! Yeah, I'm going to finish what you started -- -You can't do this! You owe me, O'Brien. I made you plastic! I made you! That's right. And making me was the biggest mistake you ever made! -Like rotting meat. You're not rotting meat. -Oh no? Smell this. Icarus, please, if you want me to give you a bath just say so. -Icarus, please, if you want me to give you a bath just say so. No. I'm getting used to it. -She's working as fast as she can, Icarus. It will be ready soon. It's ready now, I know it is. -It's ready now, I know it is. She says it's not. -She says it's not. She's lying. She lost the first one on purpose. -She's lying. She lost the first one on purpose. She did not. The mouse ran down the drain. -She did not. The mouse ran down the drain. She let it escape because she wants me to die. -She let it escape because she wants me to die. Don't be a child, Icarus. She is just another scientist and like all scientists, she doesn't care about anything outside the world of the laboratory. -Icky! What's happening? Who cares! We've got to find him! Hurry! -It works, Poppy. It works, it works! Now, Icky, I don't need you winding yourself up. I need you focused and in control. -Now, Icky, I don't need you winding yourself up. I need you focused and in control. But, Poppy, you don't know what this means -- -But, Poppy, you don't know what this means -- You don't either. We won't know anything until we find that guy and find out if he's alive or what. -You don't either. We won't know anything until we find that guy and find out if he's alive or what. Yes, that's true. We have to find him, run tests, determine if the polymerization is stable. -Yes, that's true. We have to find him, run tests, determine if the polymerization is stable. In the meantime, we're going to need someone to deal with that mess in the lab. I don't think we should call Dr. Bright. -In the meantime, we're going to need someone to deal with that mess in the lab. I don't think we should call Dr. Bright. Oh no. No. We'll get her assistant. What's-his-name? Nebbishman? -Oh no. No. We'll get her assistant. What's-his-name? Nebbishman? Nebbleman. -A containment crew is going to attract a lot of attention. You're right. Place a call to our friends at the network and to Mr. Joplin at the E.P.A. -Gently, Ott. Gently. Dr. Nebbleman, I want to know the moment the nanobot arrives. The instant, understand? -Do you think she will give us the designs? Eventually. These things are always a matter of leverage. -Eventually. These things are always a matter of leverage. And you think O'Brien is that leverage? -And you think O'Brien is that leverage? That remains to be seen. -And you still believe he's going to come here? Based on what we know of him, that would seem inevitable. -Based on what we know of him, that would seem inevitable. Do you think she loves him? -Do you think she loves him? She must feel something for him. After all, she and I did create him. -Poppy, are you in one of your moods again? No, Icky, this is real. -You know how I feel about you. You know how much I need you. How much I trust you. I would do anything for you. Why are there two ottomans? -Why are there two ottomans? Icarus, please! This is important! -Look at me, Icarus! Look at my body. I've done everything, changed anything you asked me to. 'We will always love most that which we create.' Is that still true? Yes. Yes, of course it is. -Yes. Yes, of course it is. Then you still love me? -Then you still love me? Poppy, please, just tell me what you want. -Icarus? I promise, my dear, I will give the matter some consideration. -I promise, my dear, I will give the matter some consideration. Consideration? -Consideration? If you honestly trust me, then you'll have to trust me. -Can you feel it, Poppy? The presence of the moment? Can you feel the weight of its significance? Oh yes, Icky. I can feel it. -Oh yes, Icky. I can feel it. This is what my entire life has been directed at, this moment, this threshold. -This is what my entire life has been directed at, this moment, this threshold. Okay, arms up, lean forward. -It will be an ascension. I'm so excited, Icarus. -I was wondering if you'd finished considering? Considering what? -Considering what? What I asked you earlier? -Poppy, please -- If you loved me like I loved you? -If you loved me like I loved you? Poppy, this is not the time! -Did you feel that? Did I? I've been waiting for that for years. -Did I? I've been waiting for that for years. Not that. -Okay. Alright. Okey-dokey. Now, we need the nanobot. The nanobot that initiated the reaction. Once we have that we can stabilize the meltdown. Simple really. No problem. The nanobot is gone. -The fact is, that the milk has been spilled and now we need you to tell us how to clean it up. Cleaned up? It can't be cleaned up! Without the nanobot the waste can't be stabilized! That's what we've been trying to tell you! The only thing we can do is run! Run! Run! -Facts, Dr. Nebbleman. Facts. You've been using cryogenics to control the waste from the mouse experiment, haven't you? Well, yes. The replicators are not as active at low temperatures. -Well, yes. The replicators are not as active at low temperatures. Then perhaps we can use liquid nitrogen to keep the meltdown under control. -Then perhaps we can use liquid nitrogen to keep the meltdown under control. That might work. -That might work. Poppy, order the trucks from the Gary plant. And we're going to need a containment crew. -Well, at this time, I mean that is to say, it is difficult to project -- Look, John, nobody wants to find out what happens. That's why you're here. We need your help on this one and that's why that suitcase is here. -She could have given him something to stimulate his kidneys. Dr. Nebbleman, take care of them. -Where did he go? The trunk. -They're here! They're here! We have the nanobot. Excellent. How long until the assembler tank is complete? -Dr. Makeo is working on it now, sir. I estimate at least another six hours. In the meantime, why don't you find something useful for Dr. Bright to do. -Of course you understand, Dr. Argon, that once the nanobot is inside of you, there is no going back -- Shut up and do it! -Excellent work, Dr. Nebbleman. You have outdone yourself. Thank you, sir. -It'll be better for us if he simply disappears. The gardener will know what to do. Wait, wait, can I at least have his body? -Wait, wait, can I at least have his body? Donated to science. Perfect. -Hey! You don't want this. -You don't want this. Yeah, I do! -Yeah, I do! You have no idea what this is doing to your body. -You have no idea what this is doing to your body. I like Trix! -Here, kid, this is great stuff. Why don't you give it a try? I want Trix! Mommy! -Yeah? So what? So what? So what? For starters, how about littering is a crime. -So what? So what? For starters, how about littering is a crime. Haw-haw! Why don't you run off and find a cop and I'll wait right here. -Haw-haw! Why don't you run off and find a cop and I'll wait right here. Why don't you just put this in your pocket so when you see a garbage can you can put it where it belongs. -Why don't you just put this in your pocket so when you see a garbage can you can put it where it belongs. Why don't you just shove it up your ass! Haw-haw! -What is it with you litterbugs? Is it a territorial thing, marking your turf with your garbage? You better quit pushing me, pal. -You better quit pushing me, pal. I just want to know what goes on in the mind of a litterbug. What chemical is secreted by your smooth brain that tells you, 'It's okay, just chuck it'? -I just want to know what goes on in the mind of a litterbug. What chemical is secreted by your smooth brain that tells you, 'It's okay, just chuck it'? Look, asshole, I don't got time for this. If you got a problem, you better take care of it yourself. -Look, asshole, I don't got time for this. If you got a problem, you better take care of it yourself. Oh no, no, no. No can do. You enjoyed a tasty beverage and thus this receptacle becomes your responsibility and I don't care if it's a Styrofoam cup or the Exxon Valdez! You've got to learn to take responsibility! -Oh no, no, no. No can do. You enjoyed a tasty beverage and thus this receptacle becomes your responsibility and I don't care if it's a Styrofoam cup or the Exxon Valdez! You've got to learn to take responsibility! What are you going to do? Make me throw it out? -What are you going to do? Make me throw it out? I'll do whatever I have to do. -What? Oh, I'm sorry, Nigel. I was just thinking... Aaabout...? -Aaabout...? This morning. I saw someone I haven't seen in a long time. -This morning. I saw someone I haven't seen in a long time. A man? -A man? Yeah. I knew him when I was still in school. -Yeah. I knew him when I was still in school. What did he want? -What did he want? I'm not sure. That's the funny thing about him. He's the kind of guy that you never know what he wants or what he might do to get it. -Do you remember about five years ago, that uh... incident at Purnell Labs? Oh yeah. They were working on molecular assemblers, too, weren't they? -Oh yeah. They were working on molecular assemblers, too, weren't they? They also tried using viral R.N.A. as the bonding element. -They also tried using viral R.N.A. as the bonding element. That's right. C.D.C. found out and closed them down... -Yeah, somebody broke in and stole the samples, one of those animal rights groups, right? I remember now, they freed all the monkeys which caused that huge pileup on the Massachusetts Turnpike, right? Yeah. But it wasn't a group. It was one man. -Yeah. But it wasn't a group. It was one man. That's the guy? -What did security say? They'll in validate the key. Probably nothing. -They'll in validate the key. Probably nothing. Well, you got another problem. -Well, you got another problem. The replicators? -The replicators? Worse. Mrs. Argon wants to talk to you. She's waiting in the lab. -Worse. Mrs. Argon wants to talk to you. She's waiting in the lab. This day just keeps going from bad to worse. -I bet he hasn't read a single report we've written on the waste problem. I hope you're right. I'd feel a lot worse if he had read them and just didn't care. -I hope you're right. I'd feel a lot worse if he had read them and just didn't care. What are you going to do? -What are you going to do? What I've always done. As long as I'm the only one who can build the nanobot, I'm the only one who can say when it should be tested. -You were never invited to my house. You're looking for a urine sample. -Of course, sir. Dr. Argon, I know you want to use the nanobot on yourself, but you mustn't. The situation is critical right now. The replicators are growing exponentially. If we wait much longer it will be too late. You have to use the nanobot to stop the meltdown. -I don't believe this is happening... Susan, Dr. Argon is giving you an opportunity here. -Susan, Dr. Argon is giving you an opportunity here. Opportunity? -There's a guard outside my door! I'm a prisoner, Nigel! Do you understand that? Dr. Argon would say we are all prisoners. -Dr. Argon would say we are all prisoners. Argon is a lunatic! I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe I could control him. You heard what he said, Nigel. He doesn't care if all of Calumet City is turned to Jell-O. How can that not affect you? -Argon is a lunatic! I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe I could control him. You heard what he said, Nigel. He doesn't care if all of Calumet City is turned to Jell-O. How can that not affect you? Because I am a new man, Susan. I am a man of vision. Your problem, Susan, is that you're always looking down. If you'd just look up you'd see the big picture and in the big picture men of vision do not dwell on what might be lost. They focus on what can be gained. -Because I am a new man, Susan. I am a man of vision. Your problem, Susan, is that you're always looking down. If you'd just look up you'd see the big picture and in the big picture men of vision do not dwell on what might be lost. They focus on what can be gained. Is that what Argon told you? -Is that what Argon told you? No! Well, not those exact words. -No! Well, not those exact words. Nigel, can't you see he's using you? -Nigel, can't you see he's using you? Of course he is, but at least there isn't a security guard outside my door. -Of course he is, but at least there isn't a security guard outside my door. You're afraid of him. -You're afraid of him. Who isn't? -I'm a scientist. I have lived my whole life by the diagnostic application of fact and the fact is, Argon is going to get whatever he wants, so if I were you, I'd give it to him. You mean the designs for the nanobot? You think after this I'm going to give them to him? -You mean the designs for the nanobot? You think after this I'm going to give them to him? I think that either you're going to give them to him or he's going to make you give them to him. -I think that either you're going to give them to him or he's going to make you give them to him. Make me? How? You think he's going to torture me? -Yes? It's Sim. We're almost there. -It's Sim. We're almost there. Mr. Sim, watch out! O'Brien escaped and could be on his way! -You want to tell me what I'm looking for? I've only been invited to her house once, but I know there is a basement lab that she uses for private research. -I've only been invited to her house once, but I know there is a basement lab that she uses for private research. Okay. -What's it smell like? Smell? Uh, something like methylcyanoacrylate. -Smell? Uh, something like methylcyanoacrylate. Like Crazy Glue? -Like Crazy Glue? Yes. That's it. He's got it. Oh God, he's got it! -Sir, please try to hold still. So, I guess it worked. -He's probably right, sir, the building is probably going to collapse under its own weight. And if we evacuate, what do you want to do with O'Brien? -Susan! Wellie well, Dr. Bright. You're just in time. -Daniel... What? No kiss? Not even for old times sake? -When did you...? Been out for six months now. -Been out for six months now. Really? What have you been doing? -Really? What have you been doing? You know, this and that. -Somebody has to. Same old Daniel. -Same old Daniel. Oh no. Not by a long shot. I may look like the old Daniel O'Brien, but on the inside, nothing is the same. -Oh no. Not by a long shot. I may look like the old Daniel O'Brien, but on the inside, nothing is the same. Is that so? -Is that so? Oh yeah. See, Susie, a man doesn't do the hard time and just pick up where he left off. Oh no. The big house does things to a man. -Oh yeah. See, Susie, a man doesn't do the hard time and just pick up where he left off. Oh no. The big house does things to a man. The big house? -The big house? The big house. -The big house. Jesus, Daniel. It wasn't Ryker's Island. It was work camp for white collar criminals. -Jesus, Daniel. It wasn't Ryker's Island. It was work camp for white collar criminals. A cage by any other name would still smell like sweaty ugly men. -I've been thinking about you a lot all these years, locked up in my cell. I'd tear through every issue of the Midwest Science Journal looking for your latest findings, watching as you slowly worked your polymerization experiments up through single celled organisms to that holiest of holies, the fruit fly. Exciting stuff. I got to tell you, it really kept me going. I guess I should be flattered. -I guess I should be flattered. I remember you said, nanotechnology was going to change the world. -I remember you said, nanotechnology was going to change the world. It already is. -It already is. I've read they're using it to repair cancer cells. -I've read they're using it to repair cancer cells. And for cleaning up oil spills. -And for cleaning up oil spills. Right. You predicted it. -Do you ever wonder what happened to us, Susie? It was a long time ago, Daniel. We were young, different people, heading in different directions. That's all. -Yeah. Well, it was good to see you, Daniel, but I have to be going. -Well, it was good to see you, Daniel, but I have to be going. Sure. Can I ask you one more thing? You haven't published anything in a while. How come? -Nothing really worthwhile. That's what I thought. -And what I love about molecular science is the way it revolutionizes how we have to think. It unifies the entire world on a single level. Everything is completely connected. Sometimes I can really feel it, everything around us, just a small part of a whole. It's really wonderful. Yeah, we'll see. -Yeah, we'll see. We'll see? What does that mean? -We'll see? What does that mean? We'll see how wonderful it is after you spend the next twenty years making Agent Orange. -We'll see how wonderful it is after you spend the next twenty years making Agent Orange. God, Daniel, I'm not going to make Agent Orange. -God, Daniel, I'm not going to make Agent Orange. You think the chemists that invented Agent Orange twenty years ago were in school saying, 'Boy, I really got some good ideas for a highly toxic incendiary defoliant.' You think Oppenheimer was dreaming about mushroom clouds before the war? -We've had this conversation already, Daniel. All I'm saying is that the companies that have money for the kind of research you're interested in, have money because that's what they're interested in! Money! -I'm sorry I brought the whole thing up! If you're gonna flip your wig -- I can't help it, Suze. It's this place. You know how I get in these stores. They freak me out. All these tiny boxes, little cans filled with eight syllable God knows what. -You think it's a coincidence that they have all these aisles lined up like this, like a little maze! We're all lab rats running through their maze, pulling lever A or lever B, each designed to create some kind of bio-chemical dependency. All the while they're everywhere, watching us, two-way mirrors, surveillance cameras, nodding to each other, making little notes. You're insane. -You're insane. Am I? Look! Right there! That's exactly what I am talking about. -Daniel, give him the Trix. Susan, this is the future of America here. -Susie! You gotta help me! Daniel, what are you doing here? -Daniel, what are you doing here? Please, Susan! I need help! Something is wrong with me! -Please, Susan! I need help! Something is wrong with me! Sorry, Daniel, I'm a physicist, not a psychiatrist. -Sorry, Daniel, I'm a physicist, not a psychiatrist. No, something is really wrong... look! -They did it to me! The nanobot. -... just like the mouse. Mouse? What mouse? -Mouse? What mouse? My first organic-polymerization was a lab mouse. -My first organic-polymerization was a lab mouse. What happened to it? -What happened to it? I don't know. -You don't know? It escaped from the lab before we could finish the experiment. -It escaped from the lab before we could finish the experiment. But you've polymerized single-celled bacteria and the fruit flies, I know you have. -But you've polymerized single-celled bacteria and the fruit flies, I know you have. Yes. -Yes. Then you must have at some point tried to reverse the procedure. -Oh no, no, no! You've got to be able to fix me! Please, Susan, tell me you can make me normal again! Once the subject was polymerized we were unable to reassemble the original organic structure. -Oh God, please! This can't be happening! I can't be plastic! A plastic man?! Daniel! -Daniel! I'm a plastic man! A plastic man! -We don't have time for hysterics. We don't? -We don't? What has happened to you is nothing compared to what is going to happen to Calumet City if we don't hurry. -What are these? Mostly caffeine diuretics. Help you go to the bathroom. -Mostly caffeine diuretics. Help you go to the bathroom. Why? -Why? The nanobot is still inside you. It's programmed to exit through the urinary tract. We need it as soon as possible, so swallow those. -Pills... you know how I feel about pills. If you don't want to do it this way, I can remove it surgically. -Why do we need it? The nanobot is the only thing that can stabilize the waste. -The nanobot is the only thing that can stabilize the waste. What waste? -To put is simply, the nanobot inside you is a microscopic machine encoded with information like a strand of messenger R.N.A. that is programmed to synthesize your molecules with the polyisoprenes of the assembler fluid, rebuilding your entire organic system on a molecular level. That was 'simple'? -The nanobot combined your molecules with the plastic molecules in the white assembler fluid, so that on a molecular level you now have more in common with a Good Year tire than a human being. Got it. -Got it. The problem is the by-product created by the process. -The problem is the by-product created by the process. The waste. -The replicators start off like assemblers, but the replicators never stabilize. What happens? -That was an egg? Three days ago it was. -Three days ago it was. What do these replicators do to people? -What do these replicators do to people? With enough exposure, the same thing they do to everything else. -So right now there's little replicators spreading throughout Argon's lab? That's right. -That's right. Isn't it already too late then? -I think while we're waiting, we had better run some basic diagnostics on you. You're the doctor. -Lungs sound fine. You didn't have any pre-existing physical conditions, did you? Allergies? Infections? No, why? -Is something wrong? No, no, I just feel wired! -Susan! What? What's wrong? -Look at this! What about it! -Just look at it! The polymerization probably synthesized into a kind of methyl- cyanoacrylate. So what's wrong? -Oh yeah, real funny. Yuk-yuk. Let's laugh at everything a man believes in. I'm sorry, Daniel, but you have to admit it's pretty ironic that you of all people would be the first man ever polymerized. It's got to mean something. -I'm sorry, Daniel, but you have to admit it's pretty ironic that you of all people would be the first man ever polymerized. It's got to mean something. Means? Oh no. We won't know what it means until the end of the story and maybe then it won't seem quite as funny to you, Doctor Frankenstein! -What's that supposed to mean? Just giving credit where credit is due. -Just giving credit where credit is due. You have no one to blame but yourself. -You have no one to blame but yourself. Blame the victim. -Blame the victim. Victim my ass! You stole my security key and used it to break into my lab to do who knows what kind of damage! Maybe this is the end of the story and you finally got what you deserved! -Victim my ass! You stole my security key and used it to break into my lab to do who knows what kind of damage! Maybe this is the end of the story and you finally got what you deserved! This is what I deserve for trying to protect the world from a madman and his mercenary physicists? -This is what I deserve for trying to protect the world from a madman and his mercenary physicists? You're not protecting the world, you're obstructing progress! -You're not protecting the world, you're obstructing progress! I don't consider uncontrollable toxic waste progress! -I don't consider uncontrollable toxic waste progress! And I'm sure you thought Columbus was going to sail off the edge of the world! -And I'm sure you thought Columbus was going to sail off the edge of the world! But lo and behold he found another world that progress could annihilate! -But lo and behold he found another world that progress could annihilate! Come on, I don't see you living in a cave! -Come on, I don't see you living in a cave! And I don't see you sunbathing at Chernobyl! -Just like old times. Yeah. Old times. -I want you to know that I really appreciate you helping me. I'm glad you came to me for help. -I feel very emotional right now. A bit out of control. Probably the caffeine. -Probably the caffeine. Do you have something to bring me down? -Do you have something to bring me down? No problem. -Uh oh. I remember that temper. Daniel, I didn't hear you come down... -What's wrong? The nanobot... it's not here... -The nanobot... it's not here... It's still inside me? -How far can you stretch? I don't know. -I'm going to go out for a while. I want to take the blood samples to a lab that has the equipment I need. What did you want my hair for? -What did you want my hair for? Something else I want to try. -I could go with you. I think it would be better for me to go alone. I'm sure Sim is looking for you. Just sit tight. I'll bring you back a pizza. -I think it would be better for me to go alone. I'm sure Sim is looking for you. Just sit tight. I'll bring you back a pizza. No cheese. -No cheese. I was hoping you were over that. Remember to keep drinking fluids. -That's pretty good. Getting used to it. -What's that? It's a crime fighting costume, what do you think? It's underwear, so if you lose your clothes you'll still be decent. -It's a crime fighting costume, what do you think? It's underwear, so if you lose your clothes you'll still be decent. That's going to fit me? -That's going to fit me? Like a glove. -You made this out of my hair? Sort of. We used a process similar to the vulcanization of rubber and added bulk with a chain of chloroprene elastomers. -Did you go? On the counter. -Who is he? The head shrinker at the prison. -Oh no. They're trying to blame you for the accident. That means they must not have been able to control the replicators. I can't go back to jail. I gotta get out of here. -I can't go back to jail. I gotta get out of here. You're not going back to jail. All we need to do is find the nanobot. Once the meltdown is under control, then we deal with Argon -- -I don't believe it. You're here! Oh thank God. You didn't think I could just leave you? -You didn't think I could just leave you? I didn't know what was going to happen. I was just so worried something was going to happen to you. -I didn't know what was going to happen. I was just so worried something was going to happen to you. What could happen? I'm the plastic man, remember? -Oh no! Argon! We have to stop him before he uses the nanobot! We have to get the nanobot! Where is it? -Where is it? Argon's private lab. -Argon's private lab. Let's go. -Run, Daniel! Get out of here! I'm not leaving without you, Susan! -You saved my life. Did you think I could just leave you...? -Susie... I... You don't have to say anything, Daniel. I'm a scientist. I know what's happening. I recognize the classic symptoms. Dizziness, shortness of breath, sweating palms... I can feel my adrenals secreting, my parasympathetic nervous system quivering, the estradiol coursing through my entire body... -What in the...? Oh shit, the meltdown. It's spread to the tower. -Oh shit, the meltdown. It's spread to the tower. We've got to get the nanobot. -We've got to get the nanobot. It's too late. Argon injected it. -It's too late. Argon injected it. You mean he's polymerized, like me? -That means the nanobot is still inside him. Yes. -Yes. What would happen if I threw him into the core? -What would happen if I threw him into the core? The same thing I suppose. -Daniel, just forget Argon. Let's get out of here. We'll find another way to stop the waste. We don't have time to argue, Susan. -You're not going after Argon! I have to! -I have to! Do the words 'hero fantasies' mean anything to you? How about 'infantile dementia'? -God, when we were in that store all I could think about was that one time, when we were in school, and you attacked that little kid who wanted some cereal. Do you remember that? I remember I was trying to help... -I remember I was trying to help... God, what a fight that was. -God, what a fight that was. We were different people then. -We were different people then. Do you suppose that was our problem? We met before our time? I think that happens a lot. People, events, planets all just circling each other waiting for that moment when everything clicks into place. -Things do change. I guess they do. -You! I remember you! I'm real touched. Now get your Sunday's on. We're going for a ride. -What? I'm not going anywhere! Oh yes you are! -Oh yes you are! I get it. You're the goon fetch boy. The zookeeper Argon calls in when one of his guinea pigs gets loose. -I get it. You're the goon fetch boy. The zookeeper Argon calls in when one of his guinea pigs gets loose. That's right. -Only this ain't no tranquilizer gun. Now let's go! Forget it, pissboy! You tell Argon he can call my lawyer. -This is wonderfully accommodating of you all. Now I won't have to come looking for you. You were looking for us? -You were looking for us? Yeah, I have something I've been meaning to give you. -Yeah, I have something I've been meaning to give you. Yeah, and what might that be? -Yeah, and what might that be? An ass-beating. Would you like yours first, Mr. Sim? -All the different ways that I could kill you. Oh yeah? -Maybe you're ready to find out if that hide of yours is bulletproof? The question is, are you? -That's impossible. It's a miracle. -Mrs. Argon? It's Sim. Mr. Sim? Do you have him? He's alive? -Mr. Sim? Do you have him? He's alive? Oh yeah, he's alive. Technically. -Oh yeah, he's alive. Technically. And you have him? -And you have him? We lost him. -Vermin... Can I help you, Mrs. Argon? -I spoke to Dr. Argon this morning and he remains frustrated over the loss of the original nanobot. I am aware of Dr. Argon's frustrations. -I am aware of Dr. Argon's frustrations. He believes that the second nanobot should be ready for testing by now. -Under the circumstances, I can't fathom what makes Dr. Argon think we are ready for anything bigger. If C.N.N., or hell, if the E.P.A. knew what was in my basement -- Is that a threat, Dr. Bright? -Is that a threat, Dr. Bright? Look, as I have said and will continue to say, the instability of the assembler waste remains my priority -- -Look, as I have said and will continue to say, the instability of the assembler waste remains my priority -- While you remain on the staff at Argon Laboratories, your priorities will always be the same as Dr. Argon's priorities. I imagine that is a simple enough equation for a bright girl like you to figure out. -If you don't have any questions, I'll let you get back to doing your job. Just one question. Since Dr. Argon no longer has feeling below his waist, how is it that you're still able to do your job? -I could have you fired right now. You won't. That's why you're whispering. -Icky! Get him, Daniel! Knock his block off! -Okay, Barbie, let's get this over with. Don't worry, four eyes. -It might be paranoia, but I've never lost my keycard before. 'Paranoia is what separates the secured from the unsecured.' -If this nutcase did take it and has half a brain, he'd use it right away, before we could invalidate it. Yes, that is what I was thinking. -Yes, that is what I was thinking. In fact, would it be safe to say, based on your general knowledge of this character, that he is already in the building? -In fact, would it be safe to say, based on your general knowledge of this character, that he is already in the building? Yes, he might be. -What in the hell? Pipe down, brain lady! And you... -Oh, Stew and I went for a long ride. Dexter, is there any finishing school we can send him to? Yes - Sing Sing. -Yes, it'll be a very interesting experiment. To make a gentleman out of a tramp? -To make a gentleman out of a tramp? Exactly. -Exactly. Now, Anne, you remember how much it cost to get rid of that baseball player? -Now, Anne, you remember how much it cost to get rid of that baseball player? You don't seem to understand that this one's different. He has brains. -Well, what else do you expect them to call you? Dexter. -Indeed? How interesting. Yes - isn't it. -Miss Wilson will give you the guest list and any other details you may need, Miss Gallagher. Thank you. I'll go and look for her at once. Goodbye, Mrs. Smith. -Thank you. I'll go and look for her at once. Goodbye, Mrs. Smith. Goodbye, Miss Gallagher. -Goodbye, Miss Gallagher. Goodbye, Stew— -I think I better go, Stew. I think you should, Miss Gallagher. -Don't mind Mother. I don't mind her if you don't. -I'm sure you're quite willing to be decent about this. Decent? Why Miss Schuyler, I want to be noble. -You're not going to print this silly thing, are you? No? Why not? -You know something, lady, if you sold life insurance, I'd go for a policy in sixty seconds. Oh, thank you, I knew you'd understand. -May I use your telephone? Certainly. Right over there. -Certainly. Right over there. You're all right. -That's a good idea - telephone the police. The number is Spring 3100. Get a couple of cops over and we can have a rubber of bridge. You may go, Smythe. -What do you want? Well, I tell you, yesterday when I was here, I had one of your books in my hand, and when I got outside, I realized I still had your book in my hand. So as long as I had your book in my hand, I thought I might as well take it home and read it. This morning, I got up and put your book in my hand, and here's your book in your hand. -That's considerate of you. Yeah, that was considerate of me. I recommend you read it. -Yeah, that was considerate of me. I recommend you read it. I'm not interested in your literary recommendations. -I'm not interested in your literary recommendations. Well, maybe it's a bit heavy for you. Perhaps if you'd like something lighter - something with a touch of romance— -Just listen to this— Adorable Babykins— Does her miss her Baby? Him sends his booful li'l sweetums a billion oceans full of kisses. Bobo is so lonely—! Just a moment. I don't see how that trash could possibly concern me. -Ah! But you don't know who Bobo is. And you don't know who Babykins is. I'm not interested. Smythe will open the door. -Where did you get those letters? I stole them when I was interviewing Babykins about Bobo. -I suppose you're going to print them? No - give you another guess. -Oh, I don't need another guess. It's quite obvious. So, it's obvious, huh? -Will you step into the library? Sure, I'll take a chance. -Will - uh - five thousand be enough? For what? -For what? For the letters, of course. -I don't know how to thank you. Mother'll be so grateful - she'll probably want to kiss you. Your mother will want to kiss me? Give me back my letters. That's the breaks I get. It's the mothers that are always grateful to me. Here. -Your mother will want to kiss me? Give me back my letters. That's the breaks I get. It's the mothers that are always grateful to me. Here. You're a peculiar person. Why the other day I pleaded with you not to send in that story and — -You're a peculiar person. Why the other day I pleaded with you not to send in that story and — I know but that was news. This is blackmail and I don't like blackmail. -won't even pretend it isn't a very great favor. I wish there was something I could do for you— Well, you could make this table a little - uh - a little less wide. There is something you can do for me, Miss Schuyler. -Really? Yeah, I haven't figured out the plot yet, but it's laid in a Siberian village. -Yeah, I haven't figured out the plot yet, but it's laid in a Siberian village. You're a bit eccentric, aren't you? -You're a bit eccentric, aren't you? Me? No - most ordinary guy in the world, me. Only one thing wrong with me— -Me? No - most ordinary guy in the world, me. Only one thing wrong with me— You don't wear garters! -I'm just beginning to believe that something could be done with you. Say, you could do anything with me you wanted to. Putty - just putty, that's me. Now getting back to those eyes of yours - would you mind if I kind of got closer so I could see them? -Say, you could do anything with me you wanted to. Putty - just putty, that's me. Now getting back to those eyes of yours - would you mind if I kind of got closer so I could see them? Not if you're going to lose any sleep about it. -Oh, Mother! It's all right. It's all right, Anne. I can take a hint. A bit subtle, but I get it. It's all right. -It's all right. It's all right, Anne. I can take a hint. A bit subtle, but I get it. It's all right. Please go. I'll explain to Mother. -Hello, Natalie. Mr. Stewart Smith . . . Miss Montgomery, Mrs. Eames, Mrs. Radcliff, Mr. Radcliff— How-di-do. -Why should I? We're happy, aren't we, darling? Throw me out - because I'm beginning to get goofy ideas, and they concern you, Anne. -Throw me out - because I'm beginning to get goofy ideas, and they concern you, Anne. None of your ideas can be goofy, Stew, if they concern me. -None of your ideas can be goofy, Stew, if they concern me. My name is Smith - well, that you seem to have been able to stand for the last month. I'm white, male and over twenty-one. I've never been in jail - that is, not often. And I prefer Scotch to Bourbon. I hate carrots, I hate peas, I like black coffee and I hate garters. I make seventy-five bucks a week and I've got eight hundred and forty-seven bucks in the bank - and - I don't know yet whether your eyes are blue or violet. -My name is Smith - well, that you seem to have been able to stand for the last month. I'm white, male and over twenty-one. I've never been in jail - that is, not often. And I prefer Scotch to Bourbon. I hate carrots, I hate peas, I like black coffee and I hate garters. I make seventy-five bucks a week and I've got eight hundred and forty-seven bucks in the bank - and - I don't know yet whether your eyes are blue or violet. That's because you're too far away, Stew. -Now Mother, your attitude is perfectly ridiculous. It's done now. Stewart and I are married. I'm afraid she's right, Mrs. Schuyler. I'm really very sorry, Mrs. Schuyler, that you feel this way. I was in hopes that you would like me. I'm not the burglar that you think I am. After all, we're married. I think the thing to do is to kiss and make up - Mother. -A little—? Sure, I'll be right up. He's all right. I like him. I'm glad. -What's the matter? Something I et, no doubt. Egg marks the spot— You ought to get some new ties, Stewart. -You ought to get some new ties, Stewart. I don't need any new ties. I've got another tie - I've got another one besides this one. And it's a pip, too. There's only one thing wrong with it. You know what that is? It has a little weakness for gravy, and once in a while it leans a little toward ketchup. Of course that's only in its weaker moments. When you move down to my place, I'll show it to you. -Your place? Yeah. Oh, it's great. Of course it doesn't compare with this coliseum of yours here, but 'twill serve m'lady, 'twill serve. The architecture has a little feeling of Missouri Gothic - and the furniture sort of leans toward Oklahoma Renaissance - with a tiny touch of Grand Rapids. -Yeah. Oh, it's great. Of course it doesn't compare with this coliseum of yours here, but 'twill serve m'lady, 'twill serve. The architecture has a little feeling of Missouri Gothic - and the furniture sort of leans toward Oklahoma Renaissance - with a tiny touch of Grand Rapids. Don't you think it's silly of us to think of living there when we have this whole big house— -Don't you think it's silly of us to think of living there when we have this whole big house— When 'we' . . .? You mean, you'd like to have me live here in your house? -We could have the whole left wing? Wouldn't that be nice! Would that be room enough for us? Oh darling, of course it would. If it isn't - there are six rooms and two baths - but if that isn't enough, Mother will give us the blue room too, I think. -Oh darling, of course it would. If it isn't - there are six rooms and two baths - but if that isn't enough, Mother will give us the blue room too, I think. Oh, Mother will give us the blue room. You haven't a red room, have you? Well, bless her heart. Wouldn't that be nice! My, oh my - six rooms and two baths and a blue room. I guess she would let us have the right wing if we needed it, wouldn't she? -Oh, Mother will give us the blue room. You haven't a red room, have you? Well, bless her heart. Wouldn't that be nice! My, oh my - six rooms and two baths and a blue room. I guess she would let us have the right wing if we needed it, wouldn't she? But we don't need it, I'm sure. -But we don't need it, I'm sure. I see, we won't need that. Plenty of room, plenty of room. -Look Anne, you're not serious about this, are you? Of course I am Stewart. -Of course I am Stewart. Now let's get this settled— -You have the cutest nose I've— Never mind my nose. What kind of a chump do you think I am? You think I'm going to live here in your house - on your dough? What do you think my friends would all say? Don't be silly. I'd get the razzing of my life for that. 'A bird in a gilded cage' - that's what I'd be. Not me. Oh no, not me! -Never mind my nose. What kind of a chump do you think I am? You think I'm going to live here in your house - on your dough? What do you think my friends would all say? Don't be silly. I'd get the razzing of my life for that. 'A bird in a gilded cage' - that's what I'd be. Not me. Oh no, not me! What do you think my friends would say if they found me in a little cheap flat? -What do you think my friends would say if they found me in a little cheap flat? It isn't cheap. It's nice. -It isn't cheap. It's nice. Listen Stew baby, let's not talk about things like that now— -Listen Stew baby, let's not talk about things like that now— Wait a minute. I'll do anything you ask me, Anne, but I will not live— -Wait a minute. I'll do anything you ask me, Anne, but I will not live— Oh, I love that nose. It's such a sweet nose. -I've got a present. Shut your eyes. Keep 'em closed. I know you're going to love them. Little - couldn't be an automobile, could it? Well, well! Ain't that nice! -Do you like them? Got my initials on them too. They're cute. They're nice little things - what do you do with them? -Got my initials on them too. They're cute. They're nice little things - what do you do with them? You wear them of course, silly. -You wear them of course, silly. Oh no. No, no. Not me. I haven't worn these things for Years. -Oh no. No, no. Not me. I haven't worn these things for Years. I know that. -I know that. Besides I'd look foolish. I couldn't look Gallagher in the face. -Besides I'd look foolish. I couldn't look Gallagher in the face. Darling, I don't care whether you can look Gallagher in the face or not, but you're gonna be a good boy and wear garters. -Darling, I don't care whether you can look Gallagher in the face or not, but you're gonna be a good boy and wear garters. Honey, I love you. I'll eat spinach for you. I'll go to the dentist twice a year for you. I'll wash behind my ears for you. But I will never wear garters! -Oh, yes you will my dear - oh, yes you will my dear - you'll wear garters and you'll like it too! Oh, no I won't my dear - oh, no I won't my dear - I'll wash behind my ears, but no I won't my dear! -Oh, yes you will my dear - oh, yes you will my dear - you'll eat spinach but you'll wear garters too! Oh, you can't carry a tune - you can't carry a tune - all you are good for is to sit and spoon, spoon. Oh no, I won't wear garters— -Oh, you can't carry a tune - you can't carry a tune - all you are good for is to sit and spoon, spoon. Oh no, I won't wear garters— Oh yes you will wear garters— -Anne, prepare yourself for the treat of your life. This is Gallagher. Gallagher! -Gallagher! Sure - my pal on the paper. She's subbing for the society editor tonight. -Oh, yes, of course. How do you do? Gallagher, this is Mrs. Smith. -You know, Stewart, you failed to mention that Miss Gallagher was a very beautiful young girl. Gallagher? -Yes. As a matter of fact, you failed to mention that Gallagher was a girl. Didn't I? That's funny. Isn't it funny? -Didn't I? That's funny. Isn't it funny? Yes - isn't it? -No? What do you look upon her as? Why, down at the office, we always look at Gallagher as - eh - just Gallagher, that's all. -That was kind of a rotten thing to do, Anne. After all, Gallagher is my friend. The least you can do is be courteous to her. I thought I was very charming, Stewart. -I thought I was very charming, Stewart. You did? That's a lot of hooey! I'll go and apologize. -Is this true, Stewart? Did you really say it? Yes, I said it. Sure, I said it. I didn't say it for publication, however. -Stewart! We're all waiting for you. Where's your valet? I poisoned him. -I poisoned him. Stop trying to be funny, and get ready, will you? -I'm not going! What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I'm talking about - I'm not going out. -I'm talking about - I'm not going out. What am I going downstairs and tell those people? -What am I going downstairs and tell those people? Go downstairs, and tell them - anything. Tell them I'm not going. Tell them I'm not home. -Go downstairs, and tell them - anything. Tell them I'm not going. Tell them I'm not home. Stewart, would you mind telling me why you're not going? -Stewart, would you mind telling me why you're not going? Yes, I'll tell you - for the same reason I've never wanted to go out with those social parasites, those sweet-smelling fashion plates. I don't like them. They bore me. They give me the jitters. -Anne, come here. Listen— Look out for my lipstick, Stewart. -Look out for my lipstick, Stewart. I'll tell you what. Let's you and me sneak out all by ourselves— -I'll tell you what. Let's you and me sneak out all by ourselves— Are you crazy? -Are you crazy? Think of the fun we can have - we'll sneak down the back stairs and get in the valet's Ford. How's that? -Think of the fun we can have - we'll sneak down the back stairs and get in the valet's Ford. How's that? Will you stop being silly, Stewart? -Will you stop being silly, Stewart? I'll tell you what let's do - I'll take you and introduce you to all my gang. Would you like that? -I'll tell you what let's do - I'll take you and introduce you to all my gang. Would you like that? But I don't want to meet your gang. -But I don't want to meet your gang. I don't mean the newspaper fellows that you don't like. Another gang I know - you'd love them. They're writers and musicians and artists - a great crowd of people - people who do great things. People who are worthwhile. -I don't mean the newspaper fellows that you don't like. Another gang I know - you'd love them. They're writers and musicians and artists - a great crowd of people - people who do great things. People who are worthwhile. Meaning, my friends aren't worthwhile, I suppose? -Meaning, my friends aren't worthwhile, I suppose? Oh, they're all right, Anne. But I— -Oh, they're all right, Anne. But I— That's exactly what you mean. Heaven knows you've made that clear to me often enough. Well, I'm sick and tired of it. I've given you party after party - I've taken you to some of the best houses in this town - and introduced you to people of importance - and are you grateful? No! You insult them and act like a bore. I'm sick and tired of having to make excuses for you and the things that you've done. Perhaps it's just as well you're not coming tonight. Maybe I can enjoy myself for once without having to worry about you, and what you're going to do. -Oh hello, Anne– He types furiously. Good morning. What does this mean? -Oh, that mob downstairs. I guess I got so interested in the play I forgot all about them. I see. -I see. Have we got a play, Anne? Oh, have we got a play! Of course most of it is Gallagher's. She did most of it. That brain of hers just snaps like that all the time. -What's the idea, Anne? The idea is simply this - that I want those people to leave here immediately. -The idea is simply this - that I want those people to leave here immediately. Now wait a minute. Aren't you being a little unreasonable? -Now wait a minute. Aren't you being a little unreasonable? Unreasonable! Have you any idea what the place looks like downstairs? Do you expect me to stand here and see this place turned into a cheap barroom? -Unreasonable! Have you any idea what the place looks like downstairs? Do you expect me to stand here and see this place turned into a cheap barroom? Now wait, don't get excited, Anne. There's no reason for that. Perhaps the boys have had a little too much to drink. That's all right. I'm sorry. I'll go right down and throw them out. That's no reason for you to take this attitude. After all, I certainly have a right to invite a few of my friends to my house, haven't I? -Now wait, don't get excited, Anne. There's no reason for that. Perhaps the boys have had a little too much to drink. That's all right. I'm sorry. I'll go right down and throw them out. That's no reason for you to take this attitude. After all, I certainly have a right to invite a few of my friends to my house, haven't I? Your house? -Your house? O-o-oh, I get you— All right. All right. I don't blame you. I kinda forgot myself for a moment, there. That's what I call getting me told, isn't it, Anne? -—and if it's all the same to you, I'm moving out. Stewart! -Stewart! This is something I should have done a long time ago, only I didn't have sense enough to do it. No, I had to stick around here to try and make a success of something that I knew darn well was a failure from the very beginning. But no more. No more! So that's that. -This is something I should have done a long time ago, only I didn't have sense enough to do it. No, I had to stick around here to try and make a success of something that I knew darn well was a failure from the very beginning. But no more. No more! So that's that. You can't walk out of here like this. -You've done nothing but watch me - watch me! - ever since I've been here. Treated me like a thug, watched me like a hawk, mistrusted me. Every time I leave the house, that Jane— —goes out and counts the silverware. That's ridiculous. -That's ridiculous. Fine! I don't blame her. I know I'm out of my own crowd. I should have had better sense in the beginning. But I'll stay in my own backyard from now on. -Fine! I don't blame her. I know I'm out of my own crowd. I should have had better sense in the beginning. But I'll stay in my own backyard from now on. You're acting like a child. -You're acting like a child. "All right, I'm a child. Have it any way you want. But I'm going back to my own apartment, where I should have lived in the first place. But no, I got to listen to you and move here. All right. If you want to live with me, Anne, okay. But the sign outside will say ""Mr. Stew Smith"" and you'll have to be ""Mrs. Stew Smith"" or there's nothing doing. No more Anne Schuyler's husband—He has his bag all packed by this time. He snaps it shut viciously, lifts it off the chair, picks up his hat, and notices Mrs. Schuyler staring open-mouthed at him. —and here's some more news for you. You can take your red room, your green room, your left wing and your right wing, and you know what you can do with them! Come on, Gallagher." -You should have known better than to write, Romeo. I found that out a long time ago. I should say you had. At the rate you two are going, we'll have to leave the country to save our faces. -I should say you had. At the rate you two are going, we'll have to leave the country to save our faces. Splendid, Mother. Let's hop over to Monte Carlo. It's a great place to save a face. -Splendid, Mother. Let's hop over to Monte Carlo. It's a great place to save a face. Oh, shut up! -That's an excellent idea. Oh, hello Mother! -What is this person doing here? Why— -It's a good thing your father passed away before he saw insanity ravage the family. I can't imagine what made you do such a thing. A reporter! Of all things, a reporter! A barbarian who lets his socks come down! Mother, I promise you that he won't be a reporter much longer. Once I get him away from that atmosphere and get him away from a man named Gallagher— -Mother, I promise you that he won't be a reporter much longer. Once I get him away from that atmosphere and get him away from a man named Gallagher— Sit down! -Good morning, Mother. Didn't I tell you that he'd be marvelous. Everybody thought he was so charming last night. I was so worried for fear he'd knock over a vase or something. I must have acted like an idiot. What does it say about the reception last night? -I was so worried for fear he'd knock over a vase or something. I must have acted like an idiot. What does it say about the reception last night? Oh, the usual thing. Blah, blah, blah attended the blah, blah reception and wore the same blah, blah things. -Oh, the usual thing. Blah, blah, blah attended the blah, blah reception and wore the same blah, blah things. Stop it. Anne. You're behaving like the person you're married to. -Stop it. Anne. You're behaving like the person you're married to. You don't have anything to complain about, Mother. He was all right last night, wasn't he? I told you not to worry about him. -You don't have anything to complain about, Mother. He was all right last night, wasn't he? I told you not to worry about him. It was a miracle. The man was ill or something. -Ah-ah-ah! Mother! -Mother! Look! Look! The front page! -Why doesn't Dexter show some decency? And you might show some too, Mother. What do you expect a man to do when he's called such names? I'm glad you hit that reporter, Stewart. He deserved it. All right, all right! It's your funeral, Anne Schuyler! -Hello, there, Meadows![13] Who is it you wish to see, sir? -Who is it you wish to see, sir? I want to see Stew Smith. Oh excuse me - I mean Mr. Smith. -I want to see Stew Smith. Oh excuse me - I mean Mr. Smith. Pardon me, Mr. Smith is engaged. We are having a reception here this evening— -Pardon me, Mr. Smith is engaged. We are having a reception here this evening— Oh, a party! Great, great! Jolly times and merry pranks. That's me. I'm a guy who loves parties. You know— -—a beautiful pair of shoulders! But listen now, as a favor, will you please make it snappy, Laughing Waters,[14] and tell Stew Smith I gotta see him because if you don't my whole family's going to die. I'll tell Mr. Smith at once, sir. Have a seat. -I'll tell Mr. Smith at once, sir. Have a seat. Well, I got a seat, but I have no place to put it. -What's the matter? Isn't there a 'bless you' in the crowd? You're the Tribune man? -You're the Tribune man? Yeah, hello. How are you? -Fine. Have a seat. Thanks, I will. -This way. Oh, man! -Fine newspaper the Tribune. Well, I should say! -Well, I should say! I knew your managing editor very well. -I knew your managing editor very well. Is that so? -Is that so? Yale '21, I believe. -Yale '21, I believe. Huh? -Huh? We were classmates. -I got him his job on the paper. I'm a stock-holder, you know. Is that so? -Is that so? As one Tribune man to another— -Yeah! But right now I'm acting in the capacity of Mrs. Schuyler's attorney. -But right now I'm acting in the capacity of Mrs. Schuyler's attorney. Oh, that's all right with me. I won't hold it against you. But you see, I'm here to find out about— -Oh, that's all right with me. I won't hold it against you. But you see, I'm here to find out about— I know, I know. But there's no truth in the story whatsoever. -I know, I know. But there's no truth in the story whatsoever. Oh yeah? -So, you see how silly that rumor is? Why, sure. It's a lotta hooey. -Why, sure. It's a lotta hooey. That's what I wanted to say, but I couldn't think of it. -Thank you very much. All right, all right, don't mention it. -All right, all right, don't mention it. Give my regards to your managing editor. -Give my regards to your managing editor. I certainly will. -Say, take it easy! Take it easy! Listen, my boy. No use you hanging around here. Just buy the Tribune tonight and read all about it. You can rewrite it for your last edition. Couldn't make the last edition. It'd take me four hours to translate your story into English. -Couldn't make the last edition. It'd take me four hours to translate your story into English. Oh, is that so? -Oh, is that so? I'm afraid. -Impossible. Put it on again. Hey, make up your mind, will you? -What do you want? Oh, nothing. I just blew over - I wanted to see how the old newshound looked made up for a gentleman. -Oh, nothing. I just blew over - I wanted to see how the old newshound looked made up for a gentleman. Would you like to have me turn around for you, Bingy? -Would you like to have me turn around for you, Bingy? Oh boy, I'd love it. -How's that? Not bad - not good - but not bad. You ought to be able to fool about almost anybody. -Not bad - not good - but not bad. You ought to be able to fool about almost anybody. Is that so? Well, have you seen enough - or would you like a photograph? -Is that so? Well, have you seen enough - or would you like a photograph? "A photograph? What's the matter? Hasn't mama had you done in oils yet? ""Just A Gigolo . . . """ -"A photograph? What's the matter? Hasn't mama had you done in oils yet? ""Just A Gigolo . . . """ Now get this mug. You've got the kind of chin I just love to touch. And if you don't get out of here, I'm going to hang one right on it. -I bring a message from Garcia. Yeah? -Yeah? Yeah. The boss sent me over to offer you a job. He wants you to write a daily column on the Tribune. -Yeah. The boss sent me over to offer you a job. He wants you to write a daily column on the Tribune. Yeah - go on. -Yeah - go on. It's all right. You can write your own ticket. A hundred and fifty bucks a week. -It's all right. You can write your own ticket. A hundred and fifty bucks a week. I'll bite. What's the catch? -I'll bite. What's the catch? There's no catch. This is on the up and up. Of course all you have to do is just sign the article - by Anne Schuyler's Husband. -Is there a green elephant standing beside that bwana? No, it's just little Bingy Baker. -Big Chief Bingy come to white man's tepee to make friends. Big Chief very sorry. To show how sorry - will bend over and let white man kick Big Chief where sun never shines. Excuse me, Gallagher. I wouldn't miss this one for the world. -Well, Stew, that's all thrashed out. By golly, I'm surely glad to see that you're not really sore. You know our racket - after all, news is news. Sure, sure. That's all right. That was a great story, Bingy. A great story - wish I'd printed it. -Sure, sure. That's all right. That was a great story, Bingy. A great story - wish I'd printed it. I gave you the breaks, didn't I? That hairy chest story! -I gave you the breaks, didn't I? That hairy chest story! You've raised it up to the chin, I see. Go on in the other room and get yourself a drink. -Look, I quit! Yeah? -Yeah? Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah? -Yeah? You're always picking on me. It took me three hours to get those little gadgets in those holes, and you screw it up in a minute. Hey, look! -Aagh! No wonder you're batty. Would it be imposing too much upon you if I asked you to do a little work today? Just to sort of break the monotony? With me you can always do business. -With me you can always do business. Do you know what to do in a drawing- room? -Do you know what to do in a drawing- room? It isn't a question of knowing what to do, it's knowing how to get in one that counts. -Now listen, we've got a tip that the Schuyler family has finally made a deal with that chorus dame. Gloria Golden? -Gloria Golden? Yeah, little Gloria. -Yeah, little Gloria. The human cash register. Got her hooks into the Schuyler kid, eh? -The human cash register. Got her hooks into the Schuyler kid, eh? Right - for the first time this year. -Right - for the first time this year. Well - it's only April. -Well - it's only April. Come on, get going, get going! -Come on, get going, get going! Get going where? I can write that yarn without stepping out of the office. -Get going where? I can write that yarn without stepping out of the office. Yeah - and get us into a million dollar libel suit. It wouldn't be the first time. Now, you get over there and get a statement out of the old lady, the sister, or the kid. Any of them - but get it. -Yeah - and get us into a million dollar libel suit. It wouldn't be the first time. Now, you get over there and get a statement out of the old lady, the sister, or the kid. Any of them - but get it. All right. Give me a voucher for expenses. -All right. Give me a voucher for expenses. What expenses? All you need is carfare to Long Island. You'd better get a shave and a shine, because you, you're going to have a tough time getting in there as it is. -What expenses? All you need is carfare to Long Island. You'd better get a shave and a shine, because you, you're going to have a tough time getting in there as it is. I know those bluenoses. Their ancestors refused to come over on the Mayflower because they didn't want to rub elbows with the tourists. So they swam over. -Now listen boss, if you're going to kick about that expense account— Do you call yourself a reporter? -It has been alleged - yes— You wouldn't know news if you fell into a mess of it, nose first. So you're the bright lad that's never been scooped! -You wouldn't know news if you fell into a mess of it, nose first. So you're the bright lad that's never been scooped! Not on my own beat, no. -Not on my own beat, no. No? Well, where were you when that happened? -I've heard of people being scooped on their own funerals, but this! Holy mackerel! Why, it's news when Anne Schuyler gets her fingernails manicured, but this! She gets married to one of our own reporters and the Tribune beat us to it! Well! What do you guys want? Go on, get back to your desks. Go back to your work. Now don't tell me you were drunk at the time and don't remember! Or is this one of Bingy's snow-storms? No, no - it's true, all right, only we didn't want to get it in print yet, that's all. -No, no - it's true, all right, only we didn't want to get it in print yet, that's all. Why not? -Why not? Well, you see, I've acquired one of those new mother-in-laws, and we were afraid she wouldn't understand the whole idea. So we were going to wait till she went to Europe. -Well, you see, I've acquired one of those new mother-in-laws, and we were afraid she wouldn't understand the whole idea. So we were going to wait till she went to Europe. What do I care about your mother- in-law! You're still working for this paper, aren't you! Or are you? -What do I care about your mother- in-law! You're still working for this paper, aren't you! Or are you? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Well, it's your business to get news! And here you had a story right in your own lap and you let the Tribune scoop us on it. Making a first class Grade A monkey out of me. If it ever happens again - just don't bother about coming back. That's all. -Gallagher and myself just came over here to do a little work on a story - Baloney! Joe! Bring me a special! -Well, when are you quitting? Quitting? I'm not thinking about quitting. -—Mr. Schuyler . Now get this, Conroy. My name is Smith. Always was Smith - and always gonna be Smith. -Now get this, Conroy. My name is Smith. Always was Smith - and always gonna be Smith. Is that so? -Is that so? That's so. -Just a boid in a gilded cage - A what? -A what? You heard me. A bird in a gilded cage. -You heard me. A bird in a gilded cage. Aw, you've been reading a lot of cheap tabloids. Anne and myself are going to move downtown in a nice little flat, we're gonna forget all about this social stuff, and we're gonna be known as Mr. and Mrs. Stew Smith. How do you like that? -Aw, you've been reading a lot of cheap tabloids. Anne and myself are going to move downtown in a nice little flat, we're gonna forget all about this social stuff, and we're gonna be known as Mr. and Mrs. Stew Smith. How do you like that? And live on your salary, I suppose? -And live on your salary, I suppose? Yeah, live on my salary - that is, until I finish writing my play. -Yeah, live on my salary - that is, until I finish writing my play. What play? -What play? My play. -My play. The one about the Siberian bloodhound? -The one about the Siberian bloodhound? Siberian bloodhound? No. That's been all rewritten. It's laid in Araby now. -Siberian bloodhound? No. That's been all rewritten. It's laid in Araby now. Araby? -Araby? Sure. -Sure. Araby, my eye—! -Well, I'm sorry to see a good reporter go blooey— Let me know when you're quitting. I'm not quitting! -I'm not quitting! No? -No? No! -No! 'For he's only a bird in a gilded cage, a beautiful sight to see—' Tweet, tweet - ha, ha— -How do you like your bath, sir? I like my bath all right. How do you like your bath? -Who are you? I'm your valet, sir. Dawson is the name, sir. -I'm your valet, sir. Dawson is the name, sir. You're my what? -You're my what? Your valet, sir. -Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll do that for you some time. That's very sweet. Say listen, what did you say your name was? Dawson, sir. -Dawson, sir. Dawson, huh? Was I very drunk last night? -Dawson, huh? Was I very drunk last night? Drunk, sir? -Yes. I must have been pretty much plastered if I hired a valet. Oh, but you didn't engage me, sir. -Did you take anything out of those pants? Oh no, sir! -Oh no, sir! What are you doing fooling around in here? -What are you doing fooling around in here? Miss Schuyler - I mean, Mrs. Smith - she engaged me this morning, sir. -Say, you are nice. You're all right. You'd make a good wife. Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir. But not for me! Though I like you well enough. You're a nice fellow. You're all right. But I'm sorry I don't need any valleys today. -Are you trying to tell me that I need someone to help me put on my pants and button them up? Quite so. Quite. -Quite so. Quite. Now I'm sorry. I appreciate your efforts. But I don't need anybody to help me button my pants - I've been buttoning my pants for thirty years all right, and I can button 'em with one hand as a matter of fact. -Now I'm sorry. I appreciate your efforts. But I don't need anybody to help me button my pants - I've been buttoning my pants for thirty years all right, and I can button 'em with one hand as a matter of fact. Now Mr. Smith, now please— -All right, outside! I beg your pardon, sir? -I beg your pardon, sir? Outside! -I think I understand, sir. You mean you want me to go? There you are. You caught on. You see, you're nice and you're smart too. You caught on right away. Outside! Go on! Outside! And don't come back! -That's a canary, sir. That's a canary! Who brought that in here? Canary, huh? Go on, get that out of here. Get that out of here! -That's a canary! Who brought that in here? Canary, huh? Go on, get that out of here. Get that out of here! Yes, sir. Very good, sir. -Yes, sir. Very good, sir. A bird! A bird in a gilded cage! Get that thing out of here! -A bird! A bird in a gilded cage! Get that thing out of here! Yes sir! -Yes. I'm Miss Wilson - Mrs. Schuyler's social secretary. -I'm Miss Wilson - Mrs. Schuyler's social secretary. I was sent from the Post in place of our social editor. -I was sent from the Post in place of our social editor. Yes, of course. Miss Ramsey telephoned me. Well, what would you like to have? -Yes, of course. Miss Ramsey telephoned me. Well, what would you like to have? Why, a list of the guests. That's the usual thing, isn't it? -Why, a list of the guests. That's the usual thing, isn't it? Yes, of course. I'll get it for you— -That's a lovely dress. Thank you. Where is Mr. Smith? -Thank you. Where is Mr. Smith? Mr. Smith? Oh, you mean Ann Schuyler's husband? -Mr. Smith? Oh, you mean Ann Schuyler's husband? Yes. -Yes. He's probably very tired. You see, he's had to meet all these people personally tonight. -He's probably very tired. You see, he's had to meet all these people personally tonight. I bet. -I bet. You newspaper people have a lot of fun with him, don't you? What is it you call him - the Cinderella Man? -Stew, your hands are shaking. You've been drinking again. Come on, come on. Here they come, Gallagher! Here they come! -The boss is getting hoarse. There's the third one. If I don't get the last one, there's a certain sob sister I know that's going to get a kick right in the . . . oh! Whoops, almost had that. -You're sure going to be poison to that Junior Leaguer[4] from now on! I hope not . . . I've got to call on her this morning! -You what? Sure, I must drop in on the mad wench. Her wounds need soothing. -Sure, I must drop in on the mad wench. Her wounds need soothing. For heaven's sake, Stew, are you completely bats? What for? I thought the story was cold. You can't go back there. -For heaven's sake, Stew, are you completely bats? What for? I thought the story was cold. You can't go back there. Sure, the story is cold, but I'm not. I'm sizzling - look! Psst! -And with it came love! Oh Gallagher, you've got to meet her. She's it— —and that— -—and that— —and those and them. -Well, I've seen her pictures, and I don't think she's so hot. Oh, you don't appreciate it. Her pictures don't do her justice. Why, Gallagher, she's queenly - she is queenly - and I know queens! And oh, has she got herself a nose - and I know noses too. That little snozzle of hers is the berries, I tell you. And is she cute when she throws that little snozzle to the high heavens! -Oh, you don't appreciate it. Her pictures don't do her justice. Why, Gallagher, she's queenly - she is queenly - and I know queens! And oh, has she got herself a nose - and I know noses too. That little snozzle of hers is the berries, I tell you. And is she cute when she throws that little snozzle to the high heavens! Of course I haven't got a nose. -Sure, sure. You've got a nose, Gallagher. You've got a nose. But there's different women, Gallagher. You know, like brewery horses and thoroughbreds. On now, Stew, don't be too hard on her. I wouldn't call her a brewery horse. -On now, Stew, don't be too hard on her. I wouldn't call her a brewery horse. Gallagher! She's the real McCoy! -Gallagher! She's the real McCoy! And the rest of us are truck horses? -And the rest of us are truck horses? There you go, talking like a woman! -There you go, talking like a woman! Well! -Well! Well, you're my pal, aren't you? Then don't turn female on me. -Well, well, well! Gallagher, old pal! There you are. What did you run away for? I didn't run away. -Sure, you ran away. Aren't you going to congratulate a guy? Sure. I wish you all the luck in the world, pal. -Thanks, thanks. I hope you'll be very happy. -Oh sure, we'll be happy. What's the matter with your eyes? It's the smoke. -It's the smoke. Joe! A little snifter. Say, wasn't I a lucky guy to fall into a girl like that, huh? Look at that! I don't know how I rate that, Gallagher. Gosh, there's a swell girl. I want you to meet her. -Joe! A little snifter. Say, wasn't I a lucky guy to fall into a girl like that, huh? Look at that! I don't know how I rate that, Gallagher. Gosh, there's a swell girl. I want you to meet her. Who me? She wouldn't want to meet me. I'm just an old load of hay. -Ah! Thank you, Joe. Tell you what - we'll have one of those parties down at your house - one of those spaghetti parties, you know. Gee, we haven't had one of those in a long time, have we Gallagher? Not since you broke into society. -Not since you broke into society. Remember the time we had a spaghetti party, and while I was serving the spaghetti I dropped it on the floor, and while those mugs weren't looking, I picked it up and served it to them anyway! Remember that? Yes, Anne would love that. -Do you think your wife would walk up three flights of stairs just to eat out of paper plates? Who - Anne? Sure, Anne would love that. -Who - Anne? Sure, Anne would love that. Remember, she's a Schuyler. -Remember, she's a Schuyler. Now get this, Gallagher - Smith. That's the name. -Now get this, Gallagher - Smith. That's the name. My error. -My error. Well, if she doesn't want to come, I'll come down alone. -Well, if she doesn't want to come, I'll come down alone. Oh no, you won't, Mr. Smith. You're a married man now. Mother always warned me never to run around with married men. -Oh no, you won't, Mr. Smith. You're a married man now. Mother always warned me never to run around with married men. Say, what kind of a pal are you? You're not going to leave me flat? -Oh, I'll call you up some time. And if your social duties permit - why - Cut that out. Just because I'm married - there's no reason for that. -Don't pay attention to him, Stew. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Pay attention? I'm not paying any attention to him. You think that guy could get me upset? Hah! Not that mug. He's a tough mug - hard, cynical. He doesn't know the fine things in life - that guy. A bird in a gilded cage, huh? It's getting so a guy can't step out without being called a magnolia. Stew Smith, a magnolia! Not me. Say, I'm not going to hang around and be a speakeasy rat all my life! I'll tell you that. Not me, not me. I'm going to step out and mean something in this world. You watch me. Say, am I a lucky guy to be near Anne Schuyler? I've been hit with a carload of horseshoes, and believe me I know it. Lucky, I'll say I'm lucky! Don't you think I'm lucky, Gallagher? -Pay attention? I'm not paying any attention to him. You think that guy could get me upset? Hah! Not that mug. He's a tough mug - hard, cynical. He doesn't know the fine things in life - that guy. A bird in a gilded cage, huh? It's getting so a guy can't step out without being called a magnolia. Stew Smith, a magnolia! Not me. Say, I'm not going to hang around and be a speakeasy rat all my life! I'll tell you that. Not me, not me. I'm going to step out and mean something in this world. You watch me. Say, am I a lucky guy to be near Anne Schuyler? I've been hit with a carload of horseshoes, and believe me I know it. Lucky, I'll say I'm lucky! Don't you think I'm lucky, Gallagher? Sure - I think so, Stew. -Sure - I think so, Stew. I knew you would, pal. A bird in a gilded cage, eh? -I knew you would, pal. A bird in a gilded cage, eh? How is her family going to feel about it? -How is her family going to feel about it? Her family? Oh, they'll be all right. I'll bring them around. Gilded cage?! Besides, I'm not marrying her family. Stew Smith in a gilded cage! Stew Smith? Ha! That mug. What does he know? -Mr. Smith, I've read some of your plays and I'd like an autograph. Well, well! If it isn't my old friend! Turn around, gal! Let's get a look at you. -Well, well! If it isn't my old friend! Turn around, gal! Let's get a look at you. There you are—! -There you are—! Well, daughter of the slums - how did you get out of the ghetto? -Well, daughter of the slums - how did you get out of the ghetto? I'm pinch-hitting for our society editor tonight. I wanted to see some life in the raw. -I'm pinch-hitting for our society editor tonight. I wanted to see some life in the raw. Aw, you wanted to see some life in the raw, huh? Well gal, I'm afraid we ain't got no raw life up here. -Aw, you wanted to see some life in the raw, huh? Well gal, I'm afraid we ain't got no raw life up here. Well, I'll have to look someplace else. -Well, I'll have to look someplace else. No, no! Maybe we could interest you in some well done butterflies, or perhaps some slightly fried pansies, or better still, some stuffed shirts. And guaranteed every one of them will give you a good stiff pain in the neck. -No, no! Maybe we could interest you in some well done butterflies, or perhaps some slightly fried pansies, or better still, some stuffed shirts. And guaranteed every one of them will give you a good stiff pain in the neck. Say, who's been tying your ties lately? It looks rotten. -Gee Gallagher, do you look good! What are you doing to yourself? Nothing. -Nothing. What did you do to that hair? And where did you get that dress? -What did you do to that hair? And where did you get that dress? I dyed one and washed the other. -I dyed one and washed the other. Oh, you dyed one and washed the other. Well! You certainly look good. -Don't turn around now - but there's a very beautiful girl up there who seems to be staring at us. Staring at us? -Staring at us? My mistake - she's glaring. -My mistake - she's glaring. Must be my wife. -They all consider me just as one of the boys. Right! -I'm sorry, Gallagher - really, I am sorry. Oh, that's all right, Stew. Forget it. As far as she's concerned, I'm just part of the hired help. -Oh, that's all right, Stew. Forget it. As far as she's concerned, I'm just part of the hired help. No, no. Strange, I've never seen Anne act that way before. It's funny I never thought to tell her you were a girl, isn't it? -No, no. Strange, I've never seen Anne act that way before. It's funny I never thought to tell her you were a girl, isn't it? Yes. -Well, Gallagher! Glad to see you. Hello, Stew. -Hello, Stew. Hello, Hank. How are you? -I'm sorry, Stew. I asked Hank, and Hank did the rest. I see. Hank brought them all. That's all right. We'll give them a drink and throw 'em out. How's that? -I see. Hank brought them all. That's all right. We'll give them a drink and throw 'em out. How's that? Okay. -Okay. Smythe! Give them one drink and throw 'em out! -You know what I should do with you? I should sock you right in that funny little nose. Yes - and I'd love it. -How far have you gotten? Well, I've just been able to get off that Norway coast - so far. -Well, you're not getting your play done, but you're certainly covering a lot of territory. Haven't I covered some territory? It feels like I've been on a Cook's Tour[18] some place. -Stewart, have you ever been to Old Madrid? Been where? -Been where? To Old Madrid. -To Old Madrid. Never even been to New Madrid. -Never even been to New Madrid. Then how do you expect to write about it? -Then how do you expect to write about it? Oh - draw on my imagination, I suppose. -Oh - draw on my imagination, I suppose. Did Conrad draw on his imagination? -Did who? Conrad. -Conrad. What do you know about Conrad? -What do you know about Conrad? I don't know a thing about him, but isn't he the one you're always yelling about? -Isn't he the one that always writes about things - only the things he knows about? Right. -Right. Didn't he go to sea before he wrote about it? -Didn't he go to sea before he wrote about it? Right. -Right. Then why don't you write about something you know? Write about yourself and Anne. The poor boy who marries a rich girl - now there's a swell theme. -Then why don't you write about something you know? Write about yourself and Anne. The poor boy who marries a rich girl - now there's a swell theme. Gee, that's an idea, Gallagher. That's an idea there. I wonder now... -Gee, that's an idea, Gallagher. That's an idea there. I wonder now... Oh, sure. She'd make a beautiful heroine... -Oh, sure. She'd make a beautiful heroine... And there's her mother - and what a character that old dame would make with her double-strength - and that lawyer friend of theirs - he'd make a great villain - and there's you! -And there's her mother - and what a character that old dame would make with her double-strength - and that lawyer friend of theirs - he'd make a great villain - and there's you! What could I be? -What could I be? You could be something. I've got an idea, Gallagher. Let's get this set. That's a great idea for a play. Pal, get me a cigarette, will you? -You could be something. I've got an idea, Gallagher. Let's get this set. That's a great idea for a play. Pal, get me a cigarette, will you? Here you are. -Here you are. All right, thanks. Now, let's see. How will I start? Hey pal, how would you start? -Now Gallagher, if we could only get a great scene - a tremendously emotional scene - something that would just wring the hearts out of the public - to bring the curtain down in the second act - that would be okay. Couldn't dig one out of your hat some place, could you? Nope - afraid I'm all out of tricks tonight. -Nope - afraid I'm all out of tricks tonight. Now, we've got it right up to where the boy's wearing his white spats and going to teas and the frau enters - how's that? -Now, we've got it right up to where the boy's wearing his white spats and going to teas and the frau enters - how's that? Very good. -I wouldn't worry too much about it, Stew. She'll see it your way. Huh? Oh, I'm not worrying about her - I'm worrying about that second act curtain, that's all. -Hey, Gallagher! Yeah? -Yeah? How about my breakfast? How do you expect me to ring a curtain down on an empty stomach? -How about my breakfast? How do you expect me to ring a curtain down on an empty stomach? It'll be ready in a minute. -It'll be ready in a minute. Never mind that. If you can't get my breakfast ready - and can't get here on time in the morning - then you can go get yourself another job. -Never mind that. If you can't get my breakfast ready - and can't get here on time in the morning - then you can go get yourself another job. Sorry, boss— -Sorry, boss— Don't be sorry. Just get the breakfast, that's all. -Who was that? Grayson - Anne's lawyer. -Grayson - Anne's lawyer. What did he want? -What did he want? Gallagher, that guy just dropped by to give us a great opening for the third act. -It's a swell idea, Gallagher. How's this? The wife's family lawyer comes to see the kid, see - to talk over the divorce. Then this guy insults the poor but honest boy by offering him alimony - so the kid gets sore, socks the lawyer in the nose and throws him out. How's that for the beginning of the third act, huh? Well, from now on the play will be easy. All you have to do is bring the wife back, have her say she's sorry, and then your play's over. -What other girl—? The little O'Brien girl, of course - the one you suggested in the story. -The little O'Brien girl, of course - the one you suggested in the story. But that's ridiculous! You can't make a sudden change like that. -But that's ridiculous! You can't make a sudden change like that. Gallagher, what are you going to do - tell me how to write a play? -Gallagher, what are you going to do - tell me how to write a play? No. -No. There's nothing sudden about that— He's always loved the girl, but he was such a sap he didn't have sense enough to tell her. Well, that's all right - we can fix that. He will go to the little O'Brien girl, and - here, I'll show you. -Nice set of Conrads you have out there, Mrs. Schuyler. I was just glancing through this one. What's Michael tearing the paper about? Just a habit. Mr. Schuyler is a bit put out by all the rumors going around. -Just a habit. Mr. Schuyler is a bit put out by all the rumors going around. Rumors? Rumors? Since when is a breach-of-promise case a rumor? -Rumors? Rumors? Since when is a breach-of-promise case a rumor? No breach-of-promise case has been filed. The matter has been settled out of court. -No breach-of-promise case has been filed. The matter has been settled out of court. Oh I see, but Gloria doesn't seem to be satisfied with the twenty thousand dollars. -Well, well. That takes it out of the rumor class, doesn't it? We admit nothing. However, I have a little statement all prepared. -A statement? Good. I have it here. -I have it here. Good. -The man from the Tribune seemed perfectly satisfied. Who, Bingy? Yeah, Bingy would. He never saw fifty dollars before. You could have bought him for six bits. Funny thing about Bingy. The more he gets - the more he prints. He looks stupid, doesn't he? But oh how smart he gets when he bends over a typewriter. -I think you'd better go. Go?! Wait a minute - that's a great story! Newspaper reporter was forcibly ejected from Schuyler Mansion, and— -I've tried to stop the evening papers, but it's useless. You quit trying to stop anybody— -You quit trying to stop anybody— Well, at best you might deny it. -Well, at best you might deny it. Why deny it? The more you deny, the more they print. Let them alone! The thing to do is to sit still and keep our traps shut. -Why deny it? The more you deny, the more they print. Let them alone! The thing to do is to sit still and keep our traps shut. Traps shut! -Traps shut! Certainly! I'll take care of this guy Bingy myself, personally. Now what are you crying about? -Hello, Smith. Holy jumping swordfish! -Holy jumping swordfish! I suppose you know why I came—? -I suppose you know why I came—? No, I have no idea - unless some of the silver-ware is missing. -No, I have no idea - unless some of the silver-ware is missing. Now don't be absurd, Smith— May I come in? -Now don't be absurd, Smith— May I come in? Surely, come right in. -Surely, come right in. Thanks. May I sit down? -Thanks. May I sit down? Surely, sit down. If I had known you were coming, I would have thrown you up a waffle. -Surely, sit down. If I had known you were coming, I would have thrown you up a waffle. I don't eat waffles. -I don't eat waffles. You don't. -Anne asked me to come and see you about the divorce. She did—? -She did—? She wants me to arrange the financial settlement. -She wants me to arrange the financial settlement. Listen Grayson, I've got 106 bucks and 75 cents in the bank. Now Anne can have any part of that she wants, but she'd better hurry because I'm spending it awfully fast. -Listen Grayson, I've got 106 bucks and 75 cents in the bank. Now Anne can have any part of that she wants, but she'd better hurry because I'm spending it awfully fast. You don't seem to understand. Anne doesn't expect anything from you. -Wait a minute. Do I get from you that she wants to pay me alimony? That's putting it crudely, but— -Remember what I told you about that twentieth crack? All right, you've just made it. Before you go unconscious I want you to get this through your nut. I beg your pardon. -I beg your pardon. Unconscious. You know, when you don't know anything. Your natural state. There are some people - you can't buy their self-respect for a bucket of shekels - well, I happen to be one of those guys. -We just thought that— Don't think. Let me do all the thinking. Now you go back to that Schuyler outfit and tell them that I didn't marry that dame for her dough and I don't want any of her dough now. I was too poor to buy her a wedding present when we got married, so I'm giving her a divorce for a wedding present. Now, stand up! -Yes. And now for that twentieth crack— -Fine, but kinda thirsty. Come right in - I'll get you a drink. -Come right in - I'll get you a drink. Okay - you remember Joe— -Okay - you remember Joe— Sure. -Sure. I sort of invited him along to bend an elbow. You don't mind, do you? -I sort of invited him along to bend an elbow. You don't mind, do you? It's all right. Bring him in. -Come in, Joe. It's all right. Hello, Joe. -I'm sorry nobody could come. The rest of the gang had to get out the morning edition - but they'll be down later. -The rest of the gang had to get out the morning edition - but they'll be down later. Now Hank, are you sure they're coming? It will be lonesome without them. Smythe, take this crowd in there and give them a drink. And find out what the boys in the back room want! -What is it, Smythe? Pardon me, madam - but what am I to say to the newspapermen? -Oh, Smythe, some bicarbonate of soda, quick - double strength. I know those news mongrels[3] will upset me. I've anticipated it, madame. The bicarbonate is ready. -Some bicarbonate - quick! Double strength! -Double-strength! """Cinderella Man Grows Hair On Chest!""" -Pardon me, madam. They phoned through from the Mayor's committee to remind you it's past the hour for the reception. Are the cars ready? -Are the cars ready? They've been ready for the last half hour. -Smythe, you've been drinking. I have. Double-strength! -Dexter Grayson, you told me it was only ten thousand—and you didn't even get those letters from that Jezebel! Oh, so you did give her ten thousand dollars, eh? and there are letters... -As a matter of fact, I was just trying to decide the color of Anne's eyes. I can't tell whether they're blue, or whether they're violet. What would you say, Mrs. Schuyler? Why— -Indeed? Perhaps he will do me a great favor. With pleasure, Madame! -With pleasure, Madame! Get out of here. -Nobody seems to want to do anything— Why not ask me? Perhaps I can offer a suggestion. Do what about what? About what? Your marriage to Anne! -About what? Your marriage to Anne! Oh, my marriage to Anne. Now Mrs. Schuyler, we don't want you to go to any trouble about that. We just want the usual blessings, that's all. -Stop calling me Mother! All right, Grandma— -All right, Grandma— This man's impossible! I can't talk to him. Grayson, let's go where we can talk - hic! See what you've done to me!? -Good morning, everybody— Well, maybe it isn't a good morning, huh? Anne, did you ever get the feeling that there was someone else in the room with you? Have you seen this? -Have you seen this? Yes - the worm! -Yes - the worm! I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? He's a worm - and I'm gonna step on him! -He's a worm - and I'm gonna step on him! "To engage in a brawl! A cheap, common brawl, in my own home! ""I wear the pants!"" The pants ! Not even the trousers!" -And you struck him right here in our house—? Yes, I'm sorry, I struck him right here in your house. And I'll strike anybody in anybody's house that calls me a Cinderella Man. -That's the fourteenth crack you've made to me. I'm keeping count. When you get to twenty, I'm gonna sock you right on the nose. As a matter of fact, I ought to sock you right now. Anne Schuyler, are you going to sit there and watch this man insult us? Haven't you any decency left? -What's going on here? Who is this woman? Joan of Arc! What's it to you? -Joan of Arc! What's it to you? Heavens! The man's insane! -Heavens! The man's insane! Sure I'm insane, but I've got some good news for you. This magnolia is leaving your sweet smelling vanilla joint. This bird in a cage is gonna button his own pants from now on. And that is what is known as telling the mother- in-law. -There are no gentlemen on the Tribune. I understand, sir. -Now, now Jeeves.[5] Was that nice? Was that being a gentleman, Jeeves? Was it, Jeeves? Your name is Jeeves, isn't it? The name is Smythe. -The name is Smythe. Smythe! Well, well, well! With a Y , huh? Congratulations! What a small world. Brothers under livery. Shake! Now, as a Smith to a Smythe— -Smythe! Well, well, well! With a Y , huh? Congratulations! What a small world. Brothers under livery. Shake! Now, as a Smith to a Smythe— Mrs. Schuyler is not at home. -Mrs. Schuyler is not at home. I know, I know. I waited outside till she went out. She's a very nice lady, but we don't vibrate well together. -But I— Now the lady said you may go— -Well done, sir. Very neat. That's what I think of it, Bingy! -Smythe, the - er - gentleman is leaving. Yes, sir. -Did you call, sir? Smythe, come here. I want to talk to you. Come on, Smythe, talk to me. Smythe, I'm going nuts. I'm going nuts in this house! This big . . . come on, I'm not going to hurt you. Come on, what's the matter with you? -Shhh! Do you hear something? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. You try it. -You try it. Me, sir? -Me, sir? Yeah. -No, that's enough. I just wanted you to get the idea. Now you know. This house is haunted. No, sir! -No, sir! Yes. Have you looked in the closets all over . . .? -Yes. Have you looked in the closets all over . . .? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Found no skeletons? -Found no skeletons? No, sir. -No, sir. It's haunted just the same. -It's haunted just the same. Yes, sir. -Smythe, what do you do with yourself - I mean, when you're not carrying those double-strength - what do you do with yourself? Well, sir, I putter. -Well, sir, I putter. Smythe! I mean - when you're alone and want to amuse yourself, then what? -Smythe! I mean - when you're alone and want to amuse yourself, then what? I just putter. -I just putter. Hmmm, you just putter. Do you have to have a putter to putter? -Hmmm, you just putter. Do you have to have a putter to putter? Oh no, sir. I putter with me hands. -Oh no, sir. I putter with me hands. Well, isn't that nice? You just go right ahead and putter with your hands. That's all right. How do you do it? -Well, isn't that nice? You just go right ahead and putter with your hands. That's all right. How do you do it? Well sir, I'll show you. -That's puttering, sir. No! Well, well, well! That's all right, if you like it. Can anybody do that? -No! Well, well, well! That's all right, if you like it. Can anybody do that? Oh no, sir. Some people are natural putterers. Others can never master it. -Oh no, sir. Some people are natural putterers. Others can never master it. Oh my. You mean, some people are born and never will become putterers? -Oh my. You mean, some people are born and never will become putterers? Yes sir. -Yes sir. Oh my, wouldn't that be tragic? To know that you could never be a putterer. -Oh my, wouldn't that be tragic? To know that you could never be a putterer. Yes sir. -Yes sir. How about me? Do you think if I concentrated and put my whole soul into it, that some day I might be a putterer? -How about me? Do you think if I concentrated and put my whole soul into it, that some day I might be a putterer? You sir? Uh-uh. You could never be a putterer. Not a good putterer, sir. -You sir? Uh-uh. You could never be a putterer. Not a good putterer, sir. Well, if I couldn't be a good putterer, I wouldn't want to putter. But why? What makes you think I couldn't be a good putterer? -Well, if I couldn't be a good putterer, I wouldn't want to putter. But why? What makes you think I couldn't be a good putterer? Well sir, to be a putterer, one's mind must be at ease. A person with a problem could never be a putterer. For instance, sir, a fish can putter in water but not on land because he'd be out of place. An eagle can putter around a rugged mountaintop but not in a cage, because he'd be restless and unhappy. Now sir, if you will pardon me, with all due respect, sir, as a Smythe to a Smith, you are an eagle in a cage. -Well sir, to be a putterer, one's mind must be at ease. A person with a problem could never be a putterer. For instance, sir, a fish can putter in water but not on land because he'd be out of place. An eagle can putter around a rugged mountaintop but not in a cage, because he'd be restless and unhappy. Now sir, if you will pardon me, with all due respect, sir, as a Smythe to a Smith, you are an eagle in a cage. A bird in a gilded cage? -A bird in a gilded cage? Yes. -Yes. That's all I wanted to know! -Smythe, I'll get this. I'm expecting some friends. Very good, sir. -It isn't done, gentlemen! It isn't done, I say! It isn't done! Well, Gallagher, you certainly took no chances, did you? -I just love you in that sweater Mary-Sue. It's so flattering. Thanks. -I put blueberries in them just the way you like. Actually--I'm not real ... hungry. -Actually--I'm not real ... hungry. Oh nonsense young lady. You're going to start your day with a nice big breakfast. -Mary Sue? Yeah? -Can I ask you a question? Sure. -What goes on up at Lover's Lane? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Well, you hear all these things lately. You know--kids spending so much time up there ... Is it holding hands? That kind of thing? -Well, you hear all these things lately. You know--kids spending so much time up there ... Is it holding hands? That kind of thing? Yeah ... That--and ... -What? It doesn't matter. -It doesn't matter. No. I want to know. -No. I want to know. ... Sex. -... Sex. Ah. -You sure you want to know this? Yes. -Yes. Okay. -Yes ... It's just that ... What? -What? Well ... ... Your father would never do anything like that. -Bud. Mary Sue ... Breakfast is on the table. We're in Pleasantville? -Bu-ud ... Mary Sue ... Your breakfast is getting cold. It can't be possible. -Why no. She's still on her date with Biff ... is something the matter? No, I ... I was just ... worried about her. -Oh no ... I'm fine. How 'bout some Marshmallow Rice Squares? -How 'bout some Marshmallow Rice Squares? I'm fine. -It's okay. It's alright. I can't go out there. How can I go out there? -Have you got any make up? In my handbag. -Does it look okay? Looks just like it did. -Looks just like it did. And they won't be able to tell? -And they won't be able to tell? No ... They won't be able to tell. -Wait. What? -Thank you. Sure. -I made you these for the trip. They're marshmallow rice squares. Thanks. I thought you weren't gonna ... -Thanks. I thought you weren't gonna ... I had to say goodbye. -There's a meatloaf sandwich in there too. Don't go skipping dinner just 'cause you're not here anymore. I won't. -I won't. And ... wear this on the trip in case it gets cold. -And ... wear this on the trip in case it gets cold. ... It's a pretty short trip. -I'm so proud of you, Bud. Thanks ... I love you. -Thanks ... I love you. I love you too. -Oh, hello Betty. Hello Bill. -Oh, hi ... I'm sorry ... -I'm sorry ... No, no ... Come on in. -I just thought ... It's beautiful. Thanks. -Having kind of a tough time. I think it looks nice. -I think it looks nice. Well ... Here's what it's s'posed to look like. -Where'd you get this? Bud brought it to me. -Bud brought it to me. Bud? -Bud? Here's my favorite. -Isn't it great how she's resting like that? She's crying. -What? She's crying. -She's crying. No she's not. -No she's not. Yes she is. -Wait ... I've got to go ... -I've got to go ... It's alright. -It's alright. Let me see. No ... -What is that? I don't know. -You can't go out there. But I really should get home. -But I really should get home. But you can't go out there. -Sounds nice ... Once you get used to it. Yeah. It does. -Like a drum. Yeah. Or like sprinklers in the summer ... -How was your day? Oh, swell. You know, Mr. Connel said that if things keep going the way they are, I might be seeing that promotion sooner than I thought. -Oh, swell. You know, Mr. Connel said that if things keep going the way they are, I might be seeing that promotion sooner than I thought. Oh darling that's wonderful! I always knew you could do it. -Bud, your sister's a little older now and she's naturally going to start going out with boys. ... In fact pretty soon--she's even going to get married and make someone a good little home-maker like your mother here. That's IF she can learn to bake. Oh, George ... -Oh, George ... But your sister is a fine young woman and she would never do anything for us to be concerned about. -I told you where I was. All night? -All night? I got caught in the storm. You were gone all night too. -I got caught in the storm. You were gone all night too. I was in a bowling-alley. -Look. Let's just forget about it. Let's just go to the meeting and ... I told you, George. I'm not going. -I told you, George. I'm not going. Sure you are. -Sure you are. No I'm not. -Look at me George. That meeting's not for me. Look at my face. It's fine. You'll put on some make up and ... -It's fine. You'll put on some make up and ... I don't want to put on some make up ... -It goes away ... It'll go away. I don't want it to go away. -Okay--now you listen to me ... You're gonna come to this meeting and you're gonna put on this make up, and you're gonna come home at six o'clock every night and have dinner ready on this table. No I'm not sweetie. -I made a couple of lunches for you and put them in brown paper bags ... I'm gonna go now. Where are you gonna go? -Where are you gonna go? I'm gonna go now. -What's all the commotion? Where's the cat? Um ... It's ... -I sure am glad you said you'd come out with me tonight Mary Sue. "Well ""gee whizz"" Biff. I sure am glad you asked me." -I don't know if I ever said this to you before, but, well ... I think you're just about the keenest girl in the whole school ... Really Biff? The keenest? -Really Biff? The keenest? Oh yeah. -Oh yeah. Gosh. I hardly know what to say. -"... And you always seemed so smart and everything. Like that report you did on ""Our Town Hall."" Gosh. I didn't know what I'd talk to you about." Well, sometimes talking's over-rated. Don't you think? -Well, sometimes talking's over-rated. Don't you think? Hunh? Oh, right ... -So I know I haven't been steady with anybody, but I just don't want to rush it. You don't want to make a mistake with something that important. Oh, gosh no. -Oh, gosh no. I mean, there's kids that are even holding hands already but I figure there's plenty of time for that kind of thing later on. Don't you? -I mean, there's kids that are even holding hands already but I figure there's plenty of time for that kind of thing later on. Don't you? Oh you bet. Will you excuse me for a sec? -Anyhow ... I really wanted to come over and sit next to you in civics but ... You want to get out of here? -You want to get out of here? What? -What? You wanna get out of here? You wanna leave? -You wanna get out of here? You wanna leave? But where would we go? -But where would we go? ... Lover's Lane. -... Lover's Lane. Lover's Lane! -Sure is pretty. Oh yeah ... Gorgeous. -Oh yeah ... Gorgeous. To be honest Mary Sue. I didn't think you'd want to come here until we'd been pinned for a little while. -To be honest Mary Sue. I didn't think you'd want to come here until we'd been pinned for a little while. "Oh, Biff. You can ""pin"" me any time you want to." -... Why? I think ... I might be ill ... -It's s'posed to happen, Biff. It is? -It is? Trust me ... -Mary Sue--C'mon ... What are you doing? -What are you doing? It's six-thirty ... -It's six-thirty ... So. -So. We were gonna ... You know ... -Oh. I can't. Why not? -I'm busy. With what? -Don't! Just let go. It's better, Mary Sue. -It's better, Mary Sue. I said, NO! ... I've read like one book in my whole life and I'll be damned if I let you throw it on that fire ... -Oh God! Are we in that episode? What? -What? I don't believe it. -I don't believe it. What's the matter? -What's the matter? You want to ask her out tonight, right? And then you want to give her your school pin ... -You want to ask her out tonight, right? And then you want to give her your school pin ... Yeah ... How'd you know? -Yeah ... How'd you know? Lucky guess. Look, Biff ... I don't think it's a real good time for that right now ... -"What I mean is ... Mary Sue's been a little ""different"" lately ..." She won't go out with me? -She won't go out with me? I didn't say that. It's just that right now ... -I didn't say that. It's just that right now ... I don't know what I'd do if she wouldn't go out with me ... -What'll it be? Gee whizz, Bud. Guess I'll just have the usual. Cheeseburger and a cherry coke. -"Maybe you can't even describe it. Maybe you only know it when it's gone. Maybe it's like there's a whole piece of you that's missing too. You might even call it ""love.""" Okay, that's IT!!! -Okay, that's IT!!! Now don't you think she looks just as pretty in color? Don't you think she looks just as pretty as she did the day you met her? -C'mon. Everyone's turning colors. Kids are making out in the street. No one's getting their dinner-- hell, you could have a flood any minute ... Pretty soon you could have the women going off to work while the men stayed home and cooked ... That's not going to happen! -That's not going to happen! But it could happen. -But it could happen. No it couldn't! -Want some bridge mix? Oh, no thanks ... -Oh, no thanks ... Betty's making some pineapple kabobs ... -Betty's making some pineapple kabobs ... I'm fine--but thank you. -"I'm sure you've noticed the same things we all have--certain ""changes"" going on in the town. You know what I mean by ""changes""?" """Changes.""" -"""Changes.""" """Changes."" And it's not just the fire or big stuff like that. It's little things. Did you hear about Bill Miller?" -"""Changes."" And it's not just the fire or big stuff like that. It's little things. Did you hear about Bill Miller?" No. What? -No. What? Wife wants him to get one of those new beds. -Wife wants him to get one of those new beds. One of those ... big beds? -Oh my gosh. What's he gonna to do? I really don't know. Ben Miller's son just quit his job as a boxboy at the market. -I really don't know. Ben Miller's son just quit his job as a boxboy at the market. ... How? -No. They do. And it isn't just 'cause you're a great bowler ... They respect you ... Thank you very much. -Thank you very much. And it's important for them to see someone they respect, stand up for what's right. If you love a place, you can't sit around and watch this kind of thing happen to it. -And it's important for them to see someone they respect, stand up for what's right. If you love a place, you can't sit around and watch this kind of thing happen to it. No. Of course not. -No. Of course not. And that's why I want you to be on the Pleasantville Chamber of Commerce. -And that's why I want you to be on the Pleasantville Chamber of Commerce. Oh my Gosh. I hardly know what to say. -Oh my Gosh. I hardly know what to say. "Why don't you start by saying ""yes,"" and then getting me one of those swell pineapple kabobs." -"Why don't you start by saying ""yes,"" and then getting me one of those swell pineapple kabobs." Oh sure ... You bet. Betty ... -Are you alright? What is it? Rain. -Rain. Real rain? -What happened? "Well, I ... I came home like I always do, And I came in the front door. And I took off my coat. And I put down my briefcase and I said ""Honey. I'm home.""" -Did you do this? Yes I did. -Do you know that it's illegal? Yes I do. -BUD--WHY DID YOU DO THIS? Because anybody should be able to paint in whatever color they want. -You're not allowed to do this! I could arrest you for this. Still doesn't make it right. -Bud Parker and William Johnson, you have been charged with desecration of a public building and the intentional use of prohibited paint colors in violation of the Pleasantville Code of Conduct and laws of common decency. Do you admit that on the night of May 1, you did consciously and willfully apply the following FORBIDDEN colors to the Pleasantville Town Hall: Red, Pink, Vermillion, Puce, Chartreuse, Umber, Blue, Aqua, Ox Blood, Green, Peach, Crimson, Yellow, Olive and Magenta. Um ... Yes I do. Where's our lawyer? -Um ... Yes I do. Where's our lawyer? "We prefer to keep these proceedings as ""pleasant"" as possible. I don't think a lawyer will be necessary." -Do you further admit that this was done surreptitiously and under the cover of darkness? Well--it was dark out ... -Well--it was dark out ... Good. Do you further admit that this unnatural depiction occurred in full public view where it was accessible to, and in plain sight of, minor children? -Good. Do you further admit that this unnatural depiction occurred in full public view where it was accessible to, and in plain sight of, minor children? It was accessible to everyone. -It was accessible to everyone. Very well. Let the record show that the defendants have answered in the affirmative to all the charges. -I think I've got something to say. Very well ... -It's like the basketball team. The basketball team? -The basketball team? Sure. Everybody's upset because they're not winning anymore--but just think how it would feel if all of a sudden they do win. -"See, I know you want it to stay ""Pleasant"" but there are so many things that are so much better: like Silly ... or Sexy ... or Dangerous ... or Wild ... or Brief ... And every one of those things is in you all the time if you just have the guts to look for them. Look at those faces back there. They're no different than you are. They just happened to see something inside themselves that you don't want to ..." Okay--that's enough! -Okay--that's enough! I thought I was allowed to defend myself. -I thought I was allowed to defend myself. You're not allowed to lie. -You're not allowed to lie. I'm not lying ... Here I'll show you. -YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER! Why am I out of order? -Why am I out of order? BECAUSE I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO TURN THIS COURTROOM INTO A CIRCUS! -BECAUSE I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO TURN THIS COURTROOM INTO A CIRCUS! Well I don't think it's a circus. And I don't think they do either. -THIS BEHAVIOR WILL STOP AT ONCE. But see that's just the point. It can't stop at once. Because it's in you. And you can't stop something that's in you. -But see that's just the point. It can't stop at once. Because it's in you. And you can't stop something that's in you. It's not in ME. -It's not in ME. Oh sure it is. -Oh sure it is. No it isn't. -Dan! Arrest them! Um ... I don't know how to do that, Bob. -Um ... I don't know how to do that, Bob. What do you mean!? -What do you mean!? Well, I never had to do it before. -Well, I never had to do it before. You put handcuffs on them and you take them to the police station. -You put handcuffs on them and you take them to the police station. Oh. guess I could do that, then. -How'd you know about the fire? What? -What? How'd you know how to put it out and all? -And where's that? Um ... Outside of Pleasantville. -What's outside of Pleasantville? Look it doesn't matter. It's not important. -Look it doesn't matter. It's not important. What is it? -"""It was big 'n brown 'n kept goin' an' goin' as far you could see.""" I thought the books were blank? -Hello Bud. Hello Mr. Simpson. -Hello Mr. Simpson. Hear your Dad got a new car. -Hear your Dad got a new car. Oh yeah. A Buick. It's swell. -Mr. Simpson ... Yes. -Yes. What color is that hedge of yours? -What color is that hedge of yours? Green. -Green. No, not that hedge. The other one. -No, not that hedge. The other one. The other one? -The other one? The one in your mind. The one that you see on a bright cold morning. The one that you see when you walk in front of your house and you just stand there and stare. -What are you doing? What are you doing? -David, cut it out. Mark Davis is gonna like be here in five minutes. Well great. The Pleasantville Marathon starts at six thirty. -Well great. The Pleasantville Marathon starts at six thirty. Pleasantville Marathon? -Pleasantville Marathon? Yeah. Every episode ever. -Yeah. Every episode ever. Omigod, I don't be-lieeeeve this! He's gonna like beeeee here! -Omigod, I don't be-lieeeeve this! He's gonna like beeeee here! Weil great. You can watch TV upstairs. -Weil great. You can watch TV upstairs. Upstairs! Up-staiiirs! There isn't any STEREO! -Oh my God ... Oh my God ... David, stop stressing, you can like-- turn it on normally ... -David, stop stressing, you can like-- turn it on normally ... No you can't, Jen! It's a new TV. It doesn't work without a remote. -Lemme see that. No way. -Do you mind. This is like the most important moment of my whole life. Forget it Jen, I've waited a year for this. -God, David. Just give it to me! Get lost! -Get lost! YOU get lost! -Oh my God. What happened? -What happened? I'm not sure. -What did you do? I don't know. -I don't know. Uchh! Look at me?! I'm like so ... pasty! -Noooooo! You--you gotta get us out of here. -Oh God. What's going to happen? -What's going to happen? I don't know ... It's not possible ... Is it possible? -I don't believe this. Neither do I. -I'm gonna hurl, David. I swear to God. Just take deep breaths. -Just take deep breaths. All that animal fat. I feel it in my pores or something. -I still don't see why we're doing this. We're supposed to be in school. -We're supposed to be in school. We're supposed to be at home David! We're supposed to be in color! Oh God ... -You know him? Owns the hardware store. -Owns the hardware store. Okay, now you listen to me! I don't know what's going on but you'd better fix it! I had a date with Mark Davis and I even bought new UNDERWEAR! -Okay, now you listen to me! I don't know what's going on but you'd better fix it! I had a date with Mark Davis and I even bought new UNDERWEAR! We just gotta play along for a little while ... till that guy shows up again. Then I'll talk to him and ... -We just gotta play along for a little while ... till that guy shows up again. Then I'll talk to him and ... Play along? -Play along? Well, yeah. I'm ... Bud Parker and you're ... um--Mary Sue. -Well, yeah. I'm ... Bud Parker and you're ... um--Mary Sue. No! I'm not gonna do it! If I don't dress like this for Mom I'm sure as hell not going to do it for you! -No! I'm not gonna do it! If I don't dress like this for Mom I'm sure as hell not going to do it for you! We don't have a choice Jen. We're stuck until he comes back. -We don't have a choice Jen. We're stuck until he comes back. Why can't we just EXPLAIN IT? -Why can't we just EXPLAIN IT? To who? -Who's that? Biff Martin. Captain of the basketball team. -Biff Martin. Captain of the basketball team. "Does he--you know--like ""me""?" -"Does he--you know--like ""me""?" As a matter of fact he does. -As a matter of fact he does. Hunh. -Those are my friends. Peggy Jane, Lisa Anne and Betty Jean. -Peggy Jane, Lisa Anne and Betty Jean. Can we do any better? -Can we do any better? I don't think so. -No way. One date, Jen--that's all I'm asking. If you don't go out with this guy we could throw their whole universe out of whack. -One date, Jen--that's all I'm asking. If you don't go out with this guy we could throw their whole universe out of whack. It's too weird David. This place is giving me the creeps. Did you know all the books are blank? -It's too weird David. This place is giving me the creeps. Did you know all the books are blank? What? -What? I looked in the library. They got covers with nothing inside them. -I looked in the library. They got covers with nothing inside them. What were you doing in a library? -What were you doing in a library? I got lost. Oh here ... look at this! -JENNIFER! Just watch. You know why those guys just get cats out of trees? 'Cause nothing burns around here, that's why! They don't need any firemen ... -Jen, listen ... I like--really need a cigarette, too. -I like--really need a cigarette, too. I'll get us out of here. I really will. But if we don't play along we could alter their whole existence. We may never get home. -I could like kill a guy with these things. It's in your closet. -It's in your closet. I've worn some kinky stuff before ... -I've worn some kinky stuff before ... He won't notice anyway. -He won't notice anyway. What do you mean? -What do you mean? They don't notice that kind of thing. -They don't notice that kind of thing. So what's the point? -So what's the point? Jen please ... -Jen please ... He-llo? I've got like three pounds of underwire here ... -He-llo? I've got like three pounds of underwire here ... Just go with the program--hunh? I'm late for work. -Couple of cheeseburgers and two cherry cokes. If you need anything, I'll be right over there. "Gee whiz ""Bud"", what could we possibly need when we have each other?" -What did you do to him? Nothing. -You can't do this, Jennifer. I WARNED you. So what's the big deal. Oh. Okay. They're like not good at basketball anymore. Like--omigod, what a tragedy. -So what's the big deal. Oh. Okay. They're like not good at basketball anymore. Like--omigod, what a tragedy. You don't understand. You're messing with their UNIVERSE. -You don't understand. You're messing with their UNIVERSE. Well maybe it needs to be messed with. Did that ever like--occur to you? You know, they don't want to be like this, it's just that nobody ever helped them before. -You have no right to do this. Well if I don't who will? -Well if I don't who will? They're happy like this. -They're happy like this. David, nobody's happy in a Poodle skirt and a sweater set. You like all this don't you? -I mean, you don't think it's just like dorky or funny or something ... you really like it. Oh God! I am just so personally horrified right now ... I just don't think we have the right to ... -I just don't think we have the right to ... "David, let me tell you something. These people don't want to be geeks. They want to be ""attractive."" They've got a lot of potential, they just don't know any better." -"David, let me tell you something. These people don't want to be geeks. They want to be ""attractive."" They've got a lot of potential, they just don't know any better." They don't have that kind of potential. -They don't have that kind of potential. Um--hello? You want to like take a look? -Me too. Sounds swell. Really? It seems so fattening. -I had nothing to do with that fire. It's okay. -It's okay. Not directly anyhow ... -Not directly anyhow ... It's fine. -Um ... They like wanna ask you a question ... I didn't know how to handle it. So ... Sure. -Okay look, this like--wasn't my fault. They asked me what it was about and I like didn't remember 'cause we had it back in tenth grade, But I told them what I DID remember, and the next thing I knew the pages had filled in. The pages filled in? -The pages filled in? But like only up to the part about the raft, because I didn't read any farther. -What's wrong? Nothing. -Nothing. Nothing? -You're reading? Yeah. Can't believe you started such a dorky fad. -D.H. Lawrence. You ever heard of him? ... Yeah. -... Yeah. Seemed kinda sexy. Look. I read 35 pages. -Seemed kinda sexy. Look. I read 35 pages. That's great. -So what is it? Well ... I just ... Can I ask you a question? -Well ... I just ... Can I ask you a question? Sure. -Sure. Remember when you told me that Lisa Rosenberg liked me? -Remember when you told me that Lisa Rosenberg liked me? Yeah ... -Yeah ... Well--did she really like me or were you just making that up. -Well--did she really like me or were you just making that up. No. She really liked you. -No. She really liked you. You weren't playing a joke? She woulda gone out with me? -You weren't playing a joke? She woulda gone out with me? Gone out with you. She woulda like rearranged your tonsils. -Gone out with you. She woulda like rearranged your tonsils. Wow. -Can I ask you a question? Yes. -Yes. How come I'm still in black and white? -How come I'm still in black and white? What? -What? Well I've had like ten times as much sex as these girls and I'm still like this. They have one hour in the back of a car and suddenly they're in technicolor. -Well I've had like ten times as much sex as these girls and I'm still like this. They have one hour in the back of a car and suddenly they're in technicolor. Oh, I don't know. Maybe ... ... it's not just the sex ... -Oh, I don't know. Maybe ... ... it's not just the sex ... What? -Are you sure? I told you. I'm like positive. -I told you. I'm like positive. This thing works. We could go home right now. -This thing works. We could go home right now. I'm not ready yet. I gotta do this for a little while. -Besides. You think there's like a chance I'm gonna get into college back there? Honestly ... no. -You got the admissions letter. Right here. -Right here. And you're sure about this? -And you're sure about this? I've done the slut thing, David. It's really kinda old. -That was sure swell ... Oh. Thanks, Margaret. -Oh. Thanks, Margaret. I baked you my oatmeal cookies. -I baked you my oatmeal cookies. Oh, no ... You baked those for Whitey. -Oh, no ... You baked those for Whitey. No. I baked them for you. -No. I baked them for you. No. You baked them for Whitey. -No. You baked them for Whitey. No. I baked them for you. -Keeps going ... Well--it all just keeps going. Roads ... rivers ... -Hi. Oh ... Hi. -Oh ... Hi. Look, I probably shouldn't be asking you this--not knowing you that well and all ... -Sure ... Where would we go? ... Lover's Lane? -Um ... You gotta turn off Main Street. Oh ... Right. -Mmmmgh. Do they have those ... Where you come from? -Do they have those ... Where you come from? Yeah ... I guess. I don't know. -Yeah ... I guess. I don't know. You don't know? -So what's it like? What? -What? Out there. -How? Well it's louder ... And scarier I guess ... And ... and a lot more dangerous ... -Well it's louder ... And scarier I guess ... And ... and a lot more dangerous ... Sounds fantastic. You know some kids came up here the other night to go swimming--took off all their clothes. -Do they have an Ocean? I've heard about the ocean. Yeah. -Yeah. What's that like? -What's that like? Well it's big. And it's blue ... ... It's really really blue. -Well it's big. And it's blue ... ... It's really really blue. Mmmm. Boy. It's hot up here. -You want some berries? Hunh? -I picked them myself. They grow wild up here. Mmm. So sweet. They just grow like that? -They just grow like that? Oh yeah. There's a lot of stuff. Currants and strawberries ... Here. I'll show you. -What's going on? Rain. -Rain. Real rain? -Real rain? Yeah ... You don't have rain either? -What do we do? We'll just put up the top. -It's beautiful. Where'd you get it? It was a prop for the school play ... -Can I open it? Sure ... -Where are they? I'm not sure. -You're gonna forget about me. No I won't. I swear. -I like calling you David. I like it too. -Okay, whose window did Bud break when he was playing with his father's golf clubs? Easy. Mr. Jenkins. What JOB did Mr. Jenkins have? -Salesman. What did Bud and Mary Sue name the cat they found in the gutter? Scout? -Scout? Marmalade. -You're unbelievable. You'll win this thing for sure. When is it on? Marathon starts at 6:30. Contest's tomorrow at noon. -Marathon starts at 6:30. Contest's tomorrow at noon. A thousand dollars ... And it's on all night? -A thousand dollars ... And it's on all night? Of course it is Howard. That's why they call it a Marathon. -Holy cow. Look at that. Had a little disaster didn't ya fella. Yeah ... Sort of ... -Yeah ... Sort of ... We'll get you fixed up in no time. -I know how I'd feel if mine went out. Almost like losing a friend. You know, we didn't call any TV repair. -You know, we didn't call any TV repair. Well that makes it a lucky day for both of us, hunh? -... Her father. Right. And how did she dress him? -Right. And how did she dress him? ... Like Prince Charming. -... Like Prince Charming. Nice ... Nice ... -Yeah ... What department store did they go to? -What department store did they go to? McIntire's. -McIntire's. McGinty's. -McGinty's. "No. McIntire's. Remember: ""For the very best in men's attire, Head right down to McIntire's.""" -"No. McIntire's. Remember: ""For the very best in men's attire, Head right down to McIntire's.""" That's right. -"Say--why don't you take this remote instead. It's got a little more ""Ooomph"" in it." Ooomph? -Ooomph? Sure. Big beautiful set like this--you want something that'll put you right in the show. -How much does it cost? Oh--couldn't charge you for something like that. It's free. -... See, every time I thought I'd found someone they'd turn out to disappoint me. They'd know the early episodes, but they wouldn't know the later ones ... They'd know all about Muffin but they wouldn't know about Bud ... What the hell's going on! -What the hell's going on! Shh! Can't talk like that now. You're in ... You know ... -Why would I do that? Because we don't belong! -Because we don't belong! "Oh sure you do ... ""McIntire's Department store"" ... ""Their father dressed as Prince Charming."" That was gorgeous Bud." -"Oh sure you do ... ""McIntire's Department store"" ... ""Their father dressed as Prince Charming."" That was gorgeous Bud." My name's David. -Look--we appreciate it. We really do. We just--we want to go home now. But you don't know how long I've been looking for someone like you. -Don't get upset. Weil wouldn't you! You look for someone for years ... You pour your heart into it ... This is a privilege you know. I don't think I better talk about this right now. -Weil wouldn't you! You look for someone for years ... You pour your heart into it ... This is a privilege you know. I don't think I better talk about this right now. Where are you going ... -Where are you going ... I don't think we should discuss this until I'm a little bit more composed. -I don't think we should discuss this until I'm a little bit more composed. WAIT A MINUTE!! -WAIT A MINUTE!! Maybe in a day or so when I'm not so emotional ... -Maybe in a day or so when I'm not so emotional ... COME BACK!!! -Hello there. ... Hi. -... Hi. Well c'mere, young fella. -So even though I can't make any promises, well--I figured if you asked me real nice--I might just be willing to talk about it again. I can't. -I can't. What? -What? Talk about it. Right now, I mean. I got to ... um ... -Bud--I thought you wanted to come home. "Oh ... I do. Yeah. It's just that I told my ""dad"" I'd clean out the rain gutters and Mr. Johnson wanted me to ... to change the tape in the register ..." -"Oh ... I do. Yeah. It's just that I told my ""dad"" I'd clean out the rain gutters and Mr. Johnson wanted me to ... to change the tape in the register ..." I'll be honest with you Bud. I'm getting sorta concerned about what I'm seeing in some of these re-runs ... -I'll be honest with you Bud. I'm getting sorta concerned about what I'm seeing in some of these re-runs ... Re-runs? -Re-runs? Like when Margaret Henderson makes her cookies for Whitey. ... Those aren't your cookies Bud. -Like when Margaret Henderson makes her cookies for Whitey. ... Those aren't your cookies Bud. "Oh, I know they're not. But I mean-- they're just ""cookies"" after all ..." -"Oh, I know they're not. But I mean-- they're just ""cookies"" after all ..." Excuse me? -Excuse me? Well they're not just cookies. I mean, they're great cookies ... Look, I'd love to get into this whole thing but I'm really running late. Why don't we hook up tomorrow? -Well they're not just cookies. I mean, they're great cookies ... Look, I'd love to get into this whole thing but I'm really running late. Why don't we hook up tomorrow? BUD. -BUD. Terrific. I'll talk to you then. -I want a word with you ... Oh--well ... -Oh--well ... NOW! -What do you mean? What do I MEAN! You think this is a toy? You think it's your own little goddamn coloring book ... -What do I MEAN! You think this is a toy? You think it's your own little goddamn coloring book ... "Look--it just sort of ""happened"" ..." -"Look--it just sort of ""happened"" ..." "A deluge doesn't just ""happen."" Bolts of lightning don't just ""happen"" ... You burned down an ELM tree for Christ's sake ..." -"A deluge doesn't just ""happen."" Bolts of lightning don't just ""happen"" ... You burned down an ELM tree for Christ's sake ..." I had nothing to do with that. -I had nothing to do with that. Oh. I'm sorry--refresh my memory. What episode does the orgy happen in, again? -Oh. I'm sorry--refresh my memory. What episode does the orgy happen in, again? Look ... -Look ... It was a gift Bud. It was so special. You liked these things as much as I did, remember: Warm smells in the family kitchen? A smile from a stranger? You know how rare that is? -It was a gift Bud. It was so special. You liked these things as much as I did, remember: Warm smells in the family kitchen? A smile from a stranger? You know how rare that is? ... Only if they mean it. -OKAY. NOW YOU'RE REALLY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF! I didn't do anything wrong. -I didn't do anything wrong. Oh no? Let me show you something! -Where's the remote control I gave you? Why? -Why? Because you're coming home. I'm gonna put this place back the way it was. -Because you're coming home. I'm gonna put this place back the way it was. No you're not. -No you're not. EXCUSE ME? -EXCUSE ME? I'm sorry ... I can't let you do that. -I'm sorry ... I can't let you do that. JUST GIMME THE GODDAMN REMOTE! -OW! I'm going to leave now. -I'm going to leave now. You're not going anywhere. You're gonna get that remote and you're gonna come home and we're gonna make everybody HAPPY AGAIN!!! -Hope you're proud of yourself. I am actually ... Glad to see you've finally shown your true colors. -Okay, let's cut the shit and get right to it. Where's that remote control? Why? -Why? Because you're coming home. -Because you're coming home. Why don't you just take me back without it? -Why don't you just take me back without it? Oh. You're a smart little bastard aren't you? It's kind of like a restricted ticket. You gotta leave the same way you came. -So ... I guess as long as I'm here, all sorts of things could happen to this place. We could have pink lawns and blue trees ... Just gimme the damn remote! -Just gimme the damn remote! I'm sorry. I can't do that. -I don't know what went wrong. You answered every question. You knew every detail. The senior Prom ... McIntire's Department Store. We had all the same warm memories: Sock hops. The Church Social ... They weren't my memories. I borrowed them. It's no good when you borrow them. -How long do you think you've been here? I don't know ... Three, four weeks. -I don't know ... Three, four weeks. Much less than that. An hour and a half. -Now Buddy, you're going on trial tomorrow. And if they find you guilty, you're gonna be stuck here forever. Well, not forever--lemme think ... Five year sentence ... Carry the three ... That comes out to ... sixteen and a half centuries, and that's rounding down. I'm going on trial tomorrow? -I'm going on trial tomorrow? This is TV pal. They don't fool around. -There's worse places. Oh sure. For the first hundred years. Then it starts to get a little monotonous. Sleep well. -Bud? Sorry ... I had to help my folks and then I couldn't find my hat ... -Sorry ... I had to help my folks and then I couldn't find my hat ... Oh. -What's wrong? Well--I always wipe down the counter and then you set out the napkins and glasses and then I make the french fries ... -Well--I always wipe down the counter and then you set out the napkins and glasses and then I make the french fries ... Yeah ... -Yeah ... But you didn't come so I kept on wiping. -You know, if this ever happens again, you can make the fries even if I haven't put out the napkins yet. I'm so glad you're here. -I'm so glad you're here. I understand. -There aren't any cheeseburgers. What? -What? Well, usually I put out the burger and then you finish with the lettuce ... -Well, usually I put out the burger and then you finish with the lettuce ... Listen to me! -Do you have the lettuce? ... Yeah. -... Yeah. Have you cooked the burgers? -Have you cooked the burgers? Yes. -Yes. Well you can just put on the lettuce, finish the burger and pretend it was me doing it all along. -Oh hi! Hi there. You took off so quick. I wasn't sure if you were okay. -Hi there. You took off so quick. I wasn't sure if you were okay. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm fine. I just ... Had to get home early. -Bud ... Yeah ... -Yeah ... You know how when we close up, I close the register, then you lower the shades, then I turn out the lights, then we both lock the doors. -You know how when we close up, I close the register, then you lower the shades, then I turn out the lights, then we both lock the doors. Yeah ... -Yeah ... Well you weren't around this time so I did the whole thing myself. -Two cheeseburgers, two cherry cokes. There aren't any cheeseburgers. -There aren't any cheeseburgers. Look. I thought we talked about this, I thought we said ... -Look. I thought we talked about this, I thought we said ... Oh--what's the point, Bud? -Well ... I'm not sure I see the point anymore. What are you talking about! You make hamburgers! That is the point! -What are you talking about! You make hamburgers! That is the point! No I know ... I know I do ... But it's always the same, you know? Grill the bun, flip the meat, melt the cheese ... It never changes. It never gets any better or worse ... -No I know ... I know I do ... But it's always the same, you know? Grill the bun, flip the meat, melt the cheese ... It never changes. It never gets any better or worse ... Just listen to me ... -Just listen to me ... ... Like the other night, when I closed up by myself. That was different ... -... Like the other night, when I closed up by myself. That was different ... Forget about that! -Forget about that! Oh ... Okay. ... But I really liked it. -Look, you can't always like what you do. Sometimes you just do it because it's your job. And even if you don't like it, you just gotta do it anyway. Why? -Why? So they can have their hamburgers! -You know what I really like? ... What's that? -... What's that? Christmastime. -Wow ... That's pretty good ... "Thanks. But this morning I was thinking about it and I realized that I looked forward to it all year. And then I thought ""Gee. That seems awfully silly. That seems like an awfully long time to be waiting for just one moment, don't you think?""" -Well don't you? I think you should try not to think about this anymore. -I think you should try not to think about this anymore. Really? -Really? Yeah. -Yeah. Oh. Okay. I'll try that then. -Oh, hi. Hi. -Hi. Aren't you a little early? -Aren't you a little early? I brought you something ... From the library. -It's an art book. Oh my Gosh, Bud ... -Oh my Gosh, Bud ... Open it. -What's wrong? I'll never be able to do that. -I'll never be able to do that. Oh, well--you're just starting out. I mean, you can't do it ... -Oh, well--you're just starting out. I mean, you can't do it ... No, that's not it. -It's okay. We'll get you a new one. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't paint anymore Bud. I just don't know what I'd do ... -Well how do you know it won't go back to the way it was? You're gonna keep painting aren't you? -It's beautiful. Just a little--You know. -TV repair. TV repair? -TV repair? Yeah. TV busted? -Yeah. TV busted? Yeah ... -Yeah ... Well here I am. -You think you could do this like soon? It's almost six thirty. What's the rush? -Gosh, I loved that show. Watched it for years. That's not the reason. I've got a date at six thirty. -That's not the reason. I've got a date at six thirty. Hey--who did Muff in take to the masquerade ball when her date came down with the measles? -Um--hello? I've got like a social emergency here. Remember the one where Bud lost his cousin when he was s'posed to be watching him? -Free? Oh sure. Big fan like yourself. It's the least I could do. -Told you it was your lucky day. Bet you thought I was just a fan or something. What happened? -What happened? A miracle. -Dream come true, hunh? This isn't funny! I happen to have a very important date in like five minutes! -This isn't funny! I happen to have a very important date in like five minutes! Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore. -Oh GOD ... You know--this is a pretty strange way of showing your appreciation. -Hey. Hey. -Saw you at the mall yesterday. Yeah ... Saw you too. -So you watching Pearl Jam on MTV tonight? Yeah. -So uh ... Maybe we could uh ... Cool. -Cool. Cool. -This is Barry. Hey it's me, what are you doing? -Hey it's me, what are you doing? Hello, Karen. I'm just working. -Hello, Karen. I'm just working. Yeah but what are you doing? -Yeah but what are you doing? I'm just working....I have some customers here..... -I'm just working....I have some customers here..... So you can't talk to me? -So you can't talk to me? I have a few people here, I can't really chat right now. -I have a few people here, I can't really chat right now. """chat?"" Did you just say ""chat?""" -"""chat?"" Did you just say ""chat?""" Well, I can't talk though -- -Well, I can't talk though -- "You just fucking said ""chat,"" that is so -- what are you now? ""chat."" I'm just calling to make sure you show up at this party tonight." -"You just fucking said ""chat,"" that is so -- what are you now? ""chat."" I'm just calling to make sure you show up at this party tonight." Yes, I'll be there. -Yes, I'll be there. Fine. You get back to chatting with your precious customers. -Fine. You get back to chatting with your precious customers. Ok, bye-bye. -Did you think that we'd all be looking at you? No, no, no. -No, no, no. Well it's just not true. We wouldn't be looking at you -- why are you wearing this suit? Did you say hello to your brother in law's? -...yes I'm still on hold... And what was this? -And what was this? I'm looking at your advertisement for the airline promotion and giveaway? -I'm looking at your advertisement for the airline promotion and giveaway? "This is ""Fly With Us?""" -"This is ""Fly With Us?""" It's hard to understand because it says in addition to but I can't exactly understand in addition to what because there's actually nothing to add it too... -It's hard to understand because it says in addition to but I can't exactly understand in addition to what because there's actually nothing to add it too... I think that's a type-o then, that would be a mistake. -I think that's a type-o then, that would be a mistake. So, just to clarify, I'm sorry: Ten purchases of any of your Healthy Choice products equals five hundred miles and then with the coupon the same purchases would value one thousand miles -- -So, just to clarify, I'm sorry: Ten purchases of any of your Healthy Choice products equals five hundred miles and then with the coupon the same purchases would value one thousand miles -- That's it. -That's it. Do you realize that the monetary value of this promotion and the prize is potentially worth more than the purchases? -Do you realize that the monetary value of this promotion and the prize is potentially worth more than the purchases? I don't know...I mean: I don't know. -It's extension 215 if you want to try me back. Ok. Thank you. -What city? Somewhere in Utah. -Somewhere in Utah. What's the listing? -What's the listing? D&D Mattress Man. -Hey, how are you? BARRY I'm fine, hi, how are you? I'm just stopping by to say hello. -I'm just stopping by to say hello. Hello. -Hello. So you're coming tonight, right? -So you're coming tonight, right? Yes, indeed, yes I am. -Yes, indeed, yes I am. There's this girl, this friend of mine from work that I think is really cute and really cool and I want you to meet her so I was thinking about bringing her to the party tonight. -There's this girl, this friend of mine from work that I think is really cute and really cool and I want you to meet her so I was thinking about bringing her to the party tonight. Oh yeah no I don't want to do that. -Oh yeah no I don't want to do that. Why? -Why? Well I don't want to do something like that. -Well I don't want to do something like that. She's my friend and you should meet her. You'd like her. -She's my friend and you should meet her. You'd like her. Yeah, but please don't do that. -Yeah, but please don't do that. I'm not really asking you, I'm telling you. -I'm not really asking you, I'm telling you. Yeah but please don't do that: everyone would be looking at me. -Yeah but please don't do that: everyone would be looking at me. It's a free country, we can look at you if we want to. -It's a free country, we can look at you if we want to. Yes but I get tense and I feel like I can't be myself if that happens. -Yes but I get tense and I feel like I can't be myself if that happens. That's your fault not mine. -That's your fault not mine. I don't think I'm going to the party. -I don't think I'm going to the party. So it's ok if I bring her. -So it's ok if I bring her. Please don't. -Please don't. She's really cute and she's really nice. -She's really cute and she's really nice. ...please, I just don't want it.... -...please, I just don't want it.... ....wait a minute: why is this about you now? Why is it always about you? -....wait a minute: why is this about you now? Why is it always about you? Yeah, no, it's not, it's just -- -Yeah, no, it's not, it's just -- I'm trying to be your friend. -I'm trying to be your friend. I know. -I know. I'm trying to get you a girlfriend. -I'm trying to get you a girlfriend. Well, yeah, thank you, but -- -Well, yeah, thank you, but -- -- but since you're not going I guess none of this matters and I'll bring her anyway. -Hey....I was just telling everyone about how I was gonna bring this girl for you but you wouldn't let me do it. Hello everyone. -You just said very food. Did I say that? -You're lucky. She couldn't come anyway -- Well I'm glad you didn't, thank you. -Well I'm glad you didn't, thank you. She couldn't come I said. Are you nervous? -She couldn't come I said. Are you nervous? No. -No. You look nervous. -You look nervous. I'm not, I'm very happy. -Hey, what are you doing? Why are you wearing a suit again? I don't know. -This is Lena, she's a good friend of mine from work. We were in the neighborhood and she had to pick up her car and we're getting breakfast before we go in, so did you want to go? We're gonna go and eat, let's go. Yeah I can't. -Yeah I can't. Why? -Why? I have work, I can't leave. -I have work, I can't leave. Seriously, though: We're going to eat, I said. -Seriously, though: We're going to eat, I said. I'm sorry. -Hey, hey, you should ask her out -- what do you think, she's cute, right? I'm gonna call you back. -It's not cool? It's fine, but -- -It's fine, but -- -- do you think you'll ask her out? --- do you think you'll ask her out? I feel really on the spot now. -I feel really on the spot now. Are you gonna do it? -Are you gonna do it? I don't do that. I don't - things like that. -I don't do that. I don't - things like that. You don't do anything, why are you being scared? -You don't do anything, why are you being scared? I'm not being scared, you're just going to rag me if I do this -- -I'm not being scared, you're just going to rag me if I do this -- I'm not gonna rag you. Why would I do this just to rag you? -I'm not gonna rag you. Why would I do this just to rag you? I don't know. -I don't know. I'll leave then, I'll go to get something from my car, go away so you don't feel pressure. Can I ask you a serious question: -I'll leave then, I'll go to get something from my car, go away so you don't feel pressure. Can I ask you a serious question: What? -What? Did you ask Walter to get you a shrink? Barry, did you ask Walter to get you a shrink? What's wrong with you? Are you ok? -Did you ask Walter to get you a shrink? Barry, did you ask Walter to get you a shrink? What's wrong with you? Are you ok? I didn't ask him that. He's lying. -I didn't ask him that. He's lying. You're being weird again, see. Come on. Please don't be weird. -Yeah I can't. OH MY GOD. Look at that. -What's all this pudding? It's not mine. -It's not mine. Why's it here? -Why's it here? I have no idea. -Goodbye. Call me later. -Hey. What are you doing? Nothing. I'm just at work and I'm wondering, you know your friend Lena? -What about her? You didn't ask her out, you're such a pussy -- ....she didn't, I didn't ask her out? -....she didn't, I didn't ask her out? You're so scared. -You're so scared. Do you know where she's staying in Hawaii? -Do you know where she's staying in Hawaii? Oh My God, yeah, I know exactly where she is, why? -Oh My God, yeah, I know exactly where she is, why? ......she forgot her purse at my work and I wanted to get it back to her. -......she forgot her purse at my work and I wanted to get it back to her. No she didn't; that's a lie. -No she didn't; that's a lie. I....please don't do this. -I....please don't do this. What? Tell me why you wanna know -- -What? Tell me why you wanna know -- I just want to know where she's staying. -I just want to know where she's staying. Tell me why. -Tell me why. There is no reason for you to treat me like you do -- you're killing me, you are killing me with the way that you are towards me -- -There is no reason for you to treat me like you do -- you're killing me, you are killing me with the way that you are towards me -- -- what are you talking about, come on -- --- what are you talking about, come on -- -- all I want is the number of where she's staying and that should be god damn good enough, now stop treating me this way, please -- Just Give Me The Number Elizabeth Please Now I think I will kill you if you don't. -Hello, this is Back. Hi, is this Jack? -Hi, is this Jack? Yes. -Yes. This is Georgia. -This is Georgia. Hi. This is Jack. -Hi. This is Jack. So what are you doing tonight, Jack? -So what are you doing tonight, Jack? Nothing. -Nothing. Nothing, huh, do you know what I'm doing? -Nothing, huh, do you know what I'm doing? No. -No. I'm just laying on my bed. -I'm just laying on my bed. Where are you? -Where are you? I'm in my bedroom. -I'm in my bedroom. No, I mean, what city, what state are you in? -No, I mean, what city, what state are you in? Are you watching a porno movie? -Are you watching a porno movie? No. -No. Do you like porno movies? -Do you like porno movies? Sure. -Sure. Yeah....? So...Jack...are you stroking that big fat fucking cock of yours? -....no.... Yeah? So what are you doing, then? -Yeah? So what are you doing, then? ...just talking to you.... -...just talking to you.... Are your pants off? -Are your pants off? No. -No. I'm wearing a t-shirt and panties. -I'm wearing a t-shirt and panties. Really? -Really? Yeah. And looking at myself in the mirror. Do you wanna know what I look like? -Yeah. And looking at myself in the mirror. Do you wanna know what I look like? It doesn't matter. -It doesn't matter. What do you mean it doesn't matter? -What do you mean it doesn't matter? Well. I have no way of knowing. So it doesn't matter. -Well. I have no way of knowing. So it doesn't matter. I don't lie, Jack. I'm about 5'8, blonde 34,28,34. Pretty thin, I work out. My pussy's shaved. My friends say I'm pretty cute, so.... -I don't lie, Jack. I'm about 5'8, blonde 34,28,34. Pretty thin, I work out. My pussy's shaved. My friends say I'm pretty cute, so.... Really? -Really? "What do you mean, ""really?"" Yeah. Really. What about you?" -"What do you mean, ""really?"" Yeah. Really. What about you?" It doesn't matter. -It doesn't matter. Yeah....you're married aren't you, Jack? -Yeah....you're married aren't you, Jack? No. -No. You have a girlfriend? -You have a girlfriend? ...yes... -...yes... Where is she? -Where is she? She's...not here...she went out. She went out of town, she travels a lot. -I'm horny, Jack, what about you? ...yeah..... -...yeah..... Does Jack like to Jack Off? -Does Jack like to Jack Off? Sometimes when I'm lonely. -Sometimes when I'm lonely. ...yeah....well you have me now. -...yeah....well you have me now. You sound very cute, very nice. -You sound very cute, very nice. Thank you. What do you do, Barry? -Thank you. What do you do, Barry? I have my own business....I work. I work hard at doing my business. -I have my own business....I work. I work hard at doing my business. Yeah....do you do well, do you make alotta money? -Yeah....do you do well, do you make alotta money? I do pretty good, I think. I wish I was making more, doing a little bit better. I can,t get over a certain hump. I will...I will crack something soon I think and really do better...I'd like to diversify...but I'm doing great, I think, as a start. -I do pretty good, I think. I wish I was making more, doing a little bit better. I can,t get over a certain hump. I will...I will crack something soon I think and really do better...I'd like to diversify...but I'm doing great, I think, as a start. So.....are you stroking it, yet, honey? -So.....are you stroking it, yet, honey? No. -No. Well why don't you take your pants off and stroke it for me? -Well why don't you take your pants off and stroke it for me? Ok. SEXY VOICE Yeah...that's it...God I Am So Horny...I wish I was there to help you.....I wish I was there for you, Barry. -Hello? Hey. What are you doing? How are you? -Hey. What are you doing? How are you? I'm fine. Who is this? -I'm fine. Who is this? Georgia. -Georgia. Hi....what....what's up....? -Hi....what....what's up....? It's ok that I'm calling, right, I mean? It's ok. -It's ok that I'm calling, right, I mean? It's ok. Yeah. No. It's ok. What's goin' on? -Yeah. No. It's ok. What's goin' on? "I just wanted to call and talk to you, thank you for last night, try and get you before you went to work and say, ""hey.""" -"I just wanted to call and talk to you, thank you for last night, try and get you before you went to work and say, ""hey.""" I'm going to work. -I'm going to work. Uhhh...I am sooo tired...I stayed up too late last night, what about you, when did you go to sleep? -Uhhh...I am sooo tired...I stayed up too late last night, what about you, when did you go to sleep? Not very late. -Not very late. You're going to work now? -You're going to work now? Yes. -Yes. Can I ask you a question? -Can I ask you a question? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Remember last night I was talking to you and I was telling you about my apartment, my rent -- ? Do you remember? -Remember last night I was talking to you and I was telling you about my apartment, my rent -- ? Do you remember? Yes. -Yes. This is really weird and really embarrassing for me but....uh.... I was wondering if you could help me out with a little bit of money. -This is really weird and really embarrassing for me but....uh.... I was wondering if you could help me out with a little bit of money. Me? -Me? Yeah. -Yeah. I can't really. Yeah, no. I mean. I can't afford it. -I can't really. Yeah, no. I mean. I can't afford it. You don't even know how much it is. -You don't even know how much it is. I know but I....how much is it? -I know but I....how much is it? Like seven-fifty. Seven hundred fifty? -Like seven-fifty. Seven hundred fifty? Yes, no, yes. I can't. I can't afford that. I'm sorry. Sorry. -Yes, no, yes. I can't. I can't afford that. I'm sorry. Sorry. Really? Please? -Really? Please? You have trouble, financial trouble? -You have trouble, financial trouble? Yeah. It's so hard these days and I really need it. -Yeah. It's so hard these days and I really need it. Yes I can't....I don't make enough money to be able to do that. -Yes I can't....I don't make enough money to be able to do that. I thought you had your own business. You said you were gonna diversify and all that stuff.... -So you think you can? No. I'm sorry. -No. I'm sorry. Should I call back and talk to your girlfriend? -Should I call back and talk to your girlfriend? ....what....? -....what....? I was wondering if it's better to ask your girlfriend for the money? It could be really easy. I mean, I have all your information, credit card information and billing stuff -- -Hello? We got disconnected before.... -We got disconnected before.... No. No. We got disconnect -- why?.....you're calling me at work....how did you get this number -- ? -No. No. We got disconnect -- why?.....you're calling me at work....how did you get this number -- ? See the thing is I could make it really easy on you -- I already have your credit card number, your information, address and stuff. This is so awkward asking like this, I'm sorry -- -See the thing is I could make it really easy on you -- I already have your credit card number, your information, address and stuff. This is so awkward asking like this, I'm sorry -- This makes me very uncomfortable. -This makes me very uncomfortable. I need help. -I need help. Should I just ask your girlfriend? Maybe I should call back and talk to your girlfriend? -Should I just ask your girlfriend? Maybe I should call back and talk to your girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend -- -I don't have a girlfriend -- -- you said you did. --- you said you did. I know I did. But I don't. -I know I did. But I don't. You lied to me? -You lied to me? I didn't lie. -I didn't lie. Why did you tell me you did, then? -Why did you tell me you did, then? This is....illegal....I'll call the police. -This is....illegal....I'll call the police. No you won't. -Come on, I thought we had fun, rich boy -- This is not cool. -This is not cool. It was cool last night. -It was cool last night. I have to go. -I have to go. Are you telling me no? -Are you telling me no? No I'm sorry, now I have to get off the phone.... -No I'm sorry, now I have to get off the phone.... ....this is your mistake.... -...MOTHERFUCKER, NO.... She is. I think, why did you come here like this? -Hello? You've just made a war that you cannot afford. -Hi. Do you work at the mechanic? No. -No. They're not open yet? -They're not open yet? They don't get opened until eight. -Is it ok if I leave my car you think? I don't know. -I don't know. I thought they opened at seven. If I left my car would it be ok? -I thought they opened at seven. If I left my car would it be ok? I don't know. -I don't know. Do you know them. -Do you know them. Not very well. -Not very well. Can I ask you, can I trust to leave my keys with you and give them to you so that when they get here you could give them to them? BARRY Ok. -Can I ask you, can I trust to leave my keys with you and give them to you so that when they get here you could give them to them? BARRY Ok. You think it's ok where I left it, right there? -You think it's ok where I left it, right there? I think that'll be fine. -There's a piano in the street. Yeah. -Yeah. Ok. Maybe I'll see you later. Thank you for your help. -Ok. Maybe I'll see you later. Thank you for your help. Thank you. -Thank you. Maybe I'll see you later, when I pick up my car? -Maybe I'll see you later, when I pick up my car? Ok. -Hi. Hi. -Hi. Do you remember me, I left my car, yesterday. -Do you remember me, I left my car, yesterday. Yes I do. -I'm sorry I couldn't come to your sister's birthday party last night, Elizabeth had invited me and I couldn't make it -- It's fine. It was fun, though. -It's fine. It was fun, though. It must be weird for you to have so many sisters? -It must be weird for you to have so many sisters? No. Not at all. It's nice. -Business is good, you're busy? Yeah, not really. -Yeah, not really. I saw a picture of you. -I saw a picture of you. Yes. LENA Elizabeth has a picture of you guys -- your sisters and you, it's a lot of family, it must be nice. -Yes. LENA Elizabeth has a picture of you guys -- your sisters and you, it's a lot of family, it must be nice. Do you have brothers or sisters? -Do you have brothers or sisters? No. I'm the exact opposite -- -No. I'm the exact opposite -- That must be nice. That must be really, really, really great. -That must be nice. That must be really, really, really great. It's terrible, no. -What do you do with all this pudding? That's not mine it's one of the guys that works here. That pudding's not mine. -Oh My God. It's ok. That's ok. How long have you worked with Elizabeth? -Six months, maybe five, five or six months...do you wanna check that? Are you guys hurt? -That's great -- Hawaii. I was thinking about going there. Really? -Really? I was, yeah, I was thinking about going there for business -- -I was, yeah, I was thinking about going there for business -- -- well, if you're gonna go -- --- well, if you're gonna go -- -- I'm probably not gonna go though. --- I'm probably not gonna go though. -- oh that's too bad, it's so great over there and if you were there we could say hello to each other or something -- --- oh that's too bad, it's so great over there and if you were there we could say hello to each other or something -- -- yeah that would be great, if I was gonna go but I'm not exactly sure, I have so much goin on here -- A lot depends on this thing I might do here and if that happens I can't go and if it doesn't happen then I probably will, but I doubt it. -It was great to meet you again. To see you again, thanks for helping me yesterday -- Ok. -I'm going to go and eat tomorrow night do you want to go with me? Sure. -Sure. Do you want to pick me up? -Do you want to pick me up? Sure. -Sure. Can I write down my address and phone number for you? -Can I write down my address and phone number for you? Sure. -This is funny. Yeah. -Yeah. I didn't ask anyone for a shrink, that was someone else. Also: This pudding is not mine. Also: I'm wearing a suit because I had a very important business meeting this morning and I don't have a crying problem. -I didn't ask anyone for a shrink, that was someone else. Also: This pudding is not mine. Also: I'm wearing a suit because I had a very important business meeting this morning and I don't have a crying problem. Ok. -Ok. Alright? -Alright? ....Hi..... -....Hi..... ....Hi..... -Who is it? It's Barry. -...really? That's nice...are you lying? ...I thought I should tell you. I didn't want to get too far along on going out and be hiding something -- -That's very nice. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. You're friends with my sister? Yeah. -Yeah. How long have you known her? -How long have you known her? About six months. -About six months. You like her? -You like her? Yeah. Yeah we get along well. You didn't get along with her very well? -Yeah. Yeah we get along well. You didn't get along with her very well? Did you really come to meet me on purpose or are you lying about that? -Did you really come to meet me on purpose or are you lying about that? No, no. I did. -No, no. I did. That's nice. It's nice. I've been looking around a lot lately at promotional giveaways, cross promotional work by some companies. Do you remember all that pudding? -That's nice. It's nice. I've been looking around a lot lately at promotional giveaways, cross promotional work by some companies. Do you remember all that pudding? Yeah. -Yeah. So that pudding was bought, I bought that pudding because of a pretty interesting promotion that's sponsored by Healthy Choice and American Airlines. It's designed to encourage airline travel and obviously designed to encourage buying Healthy Choice products. They make frozen meals, deli meats, pasta sauce, breads, soups and ice creams, this sort of thing..... -So that pudding was bought, I bought that pudding because of a pretty interesting promotion that's sponsored by Healthy Choice and American Airlines. It's designed to encourage airline travel and obviously designed to encourage buying Healthy Choice products. They make frozen meals, deli meats, pasta sauce, breads, soups and ice creams, this sort of thing..... Yeah? -Yeah? ....I'm sorry....I lost my thoughts, what I was saying.... -....I'm sorry....I lost my thoughts, what I was saying.... You were talking about the promotion -- -You were talking about the promotion -- -- the promotion says: buy any 10 Healthy Choice products and get 500 miles of airline travel or 1,000 for purchases made with a special coupon. So in the supermarket, you notice their products, first you notice they have a Teriyaki Chicken Dinner at $1.79 - that's a pretty good deal....but then I noticed they had soup at 89 cents a can.....and you start to do the math and you start to notice that it's a really amazing deal because I stumbled across the pudding at 25 cents a cup. Now the crucial thing is the bar codes on the label. That's those little bar codes, you know? The universal product codes? --- the promotion says: buy any 10 Healthy Choice products and get 500 miles of airline travel or 1,000 for purchases made with a special coupon. So in the supermarket, you notice their products, first you notice they have a Teriyaki Chicken Dinner at $1.79 - that's a pretty good deal....but then I noticed they had soup at 89 cents a can.....and you start to do the math and you start to notice that it's a really amazing deal because I stumbled across the pudding at 25 cents a cup. Now the crucial thing is the bar codes on the label. That's those little bar codes, you know? The universal product codes? Yeah. -Yeah. That's what's used to redeem the mileage, so in noticing the pudding, each cup had an individual bar code -- in other words: Two dollars and fifty cents for ten cups of pudding is 500 miles. Add in the coupon: it's one thousand. You see? -That's what's used to redeem the mileage, so in noticing the pudding, each cup had an individual bar code -- in other words: Two dollars and fifty cents for ten cups of pudding is 500 miles. Add in the coupon: it's one thousand. You see? Yeah. -Yeah. You see? -You see? Yeah, no, I see -- -Yeah, no, I see -- You see if you spent $3,000 dollars on pudding you could earn over one million frequent flyer miles. -You see if you spent $3,000 dollars on pudding you could earn over one million frequent flyer miles. That's insane. That is really, really crazy. That's just crazy if you spend three thousand dollars on pudding. -That's insane. That is really, really crazy. That's just crazy if you spend three thousand dollars on pudding. ....yeah.... -....yeah.... So that was your pudding? -So that was your pudding? ....No.... -....No.... I'm sorry. I thought you said -- -I'm sorry. I thought you said -- No I didn't say that. -No I didn't say that. I thought you said you bought all that pudding -- -I thought you said you bought all that pudding -- My friend Carlos is doing it who works with me. It's his. It's his pudding, he's doing it. It's not mine. He's crazy. I told him not to do it. He's the one who's insane. He only spent about one hundred dollars so far though -- -My friend Carlos is doing it who works with me. It's his. It's his pudding, he's doing it. It's not mine. He's crazy. I told him not to do it. He's the one who's insane. He only spent about one hundred dollars so far though -- Your sister was telling me a pretty funny story about you, when you guys were kids and you were building a ramp for your dog and you threw a hammer through a window? Is that right? You threw a hammer through a sliding glass door? -Is everything ok? Yes. -Yes. What happened? -What happened? Nothing. -Nothing. What did he want? -What did he want? Nothing. -I have a better idea of where we can go. Ok. -There's a better place for us to eat. Did something happen; are you alright? -Did something happen; are you alright? Yes I'm fine. Everything is ok. It's fine. Everything is fine. -Your portable reed organ....the piano. Well, it's fine. Thank you. -Well, it's fine. Thank you. Did you pick it up from the street? -Did you pick it up from the street? What? -What? Did you take it from the street in front of your work? -Did you take it from the street in front of your work? ...yes I did...? -...yes I did...? Are you learning how to play it? -Are you learning how to play it? Yes? I'm trying. -Yes? I'm trying. Oh that's great. -Oh that's great. So you must travel a lot with all that pudding you bought? -So you must travel a lot with all that pudding you bought? Yes no not really. -Ok....well...I'm gonna go. ...yeah... -...yeah... It was nice to see you again, to see your face again, to go out with you -- -It was nice to see you again, to see your face again, to go out with you -- I'll be around and back in town in a few days -- -I'll be around and back in town in a few days -- Yeah. -Yeah. If you come to Hawaii -- -If you come to Hawaii -- Yeah, I don't know, we'll see about that. -Yeah, I don't know, we'll see about that. You don't think you'll go -- -You don't think you'll go -- I don't know. -I don't know. Ok. Well call me when you get back, I mean, I'll call you when I get back. I'll be back for three weeks and then I go away for a month after that. So maybe in that time.... -Ok. Well call me when you get back, I mean, I'll call you when I get back. I'll be back for three weeks and then I go away for a month after that. So maybe in that time.... Ok. Have a good trip. -This is Barry. This is Lena. -This is Lena. Hi. -Hi. I just wanted you to know, wherever you're going or whatever you're doing right now I want you to know that I wanted to kiss you just then. -I just wanted you to know, wherever you're going or whatever you're doing right now I want you to know that I wanted to kiss you just then. Really? -Really? Yeah. -Yeah. So what do I do then? -That was good. Yeah. -Yeah. I'll see you later. -I'll see you later. Ok. -Ok. I don't freak out very often. -I don't freak out very often. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I don't, no matter what my sisters say, ok? -I don't, no matter what my sisters say, ok? ...I don't know what you mean.... -...I don't know what you mean.... I don't freak out. -I don't freak out. Ok. -Ok. Have a good trip. -Have a good trip. Thank you. -Hello? Lena? -Lena? Yeah? -Yeah? It's Barry. -It's Barry. HI. WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU HERE? -HI. WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU HERE? Yes. -Yes. OH WOW. YEAH. THAT'S GREAT. YOU CAME, YOU CAME. What are you doing? -OH WOW. YEAH. THAT'S GREAT. YOU CAME, YOU CAME. What are you doing? I'm calling you, I'm standing in my hotel room, I came because I have my business trip -- -I'm calling you, I'm standing in my hotel room, I came because I have my business trip -- Well let's do something do you want to do something, can you meet me? -Well let's do something do you want to do something, can you meet me? You don't have a boyfriend or anything do you? -You don't have a boyfriend or anything do you? No. What do you mean? BARRY I just wanted to know. When was the last time you had a boyfriend? -No. What do you mean? BARRY I just wanted to know. When was the last time you had a boyfriend? About six months ago. Why? -About six months ago. Why? I just wanted to make sure. -I just wanted to make sure. When was the last time you had a girlfriend? -When was the last time you had a girlfriend? Where you married? -Where you married? yeah. -yeah. Ok. So you were married for how long? -Ok. So you were married for how long? Do you want to meet me and talk about this stuff? -Do you want to meet me and talk about this stuff? Ok. Where are you from originally? -You got me out of my hotel room. You came and got me out of my room. Yeah......yeah..... -Yeah......yeah..... It's so nice. -It's so nice. This really looks like Hawaii here. -Do you wanna have sex? Yeah. -Oh my god, you are so adorable. I just....god dammit. What's that? What is that that you're doing? -What's that? What is that that you're doing? I just...your face is so adorable and your cheek and your skin, I wanna bite it....I wanna bite your cheek and chew on it....god damn cute....fuck.... -I just...your face is so adorable and your cheek and your skin, I wanna bite it....I wanna bite your cheek and chew on it....god damn cute....fuck.... I know what you mean, I know what you mean, I get this feeling -- -I know what you mean, I know what you mean, I get this feeling -- ...what...? -...what...? IIIIIIIIIII don't want to hurt anything ever, but what I'm talking about is -- have you ever held a little puppy or a little kitten and it's just the cutest, softest, most precious thing in the world and out of the blue you get this feeling in your gut and all you wanna do is squeeze it. Just fuckin squeeze the shit out of it. To take a little puppy and smash its skull...just so precious, so beautiful. Just so god damn wonderful and cute you wanna smack it and kick it and love it. Fuck. I don't know. I don't know. And you, you.....I'm looking at you and I just....your face is so beautiful I just wanna smash it, just smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it...you're so pretty. -I know. I know. I know. I just wanna chew your face and scoop out your beautiful, beautiful eyes with an ice cream scooper and eat 'em and chew 'em and suck on 'em. Fuck. This is funny. -This is funny. Yeah. -Yeah. This is nice. -Where do you have to go? For what? -For what? For work..... -For work..... I don't have any business here. I came here for you, I didn't have any business. -How many times have you been on an airplane? I think maybe over a hundred. -I think maybe over a hundred. That's right you travel so much. -That's right you travel so much. Yeah. -I forgot about that. Can I come home with you when we get there? -Can I come home with you when we get there? Yeah. -Yeah. It's ok to ask that. -It's ok to ask that. I thought that you were anyway. -Are you ok? I'm fine are you ok? -I'm fine are you ok? Yes I'm sorry. -Yes I'm sorry. What is this? -What is this? Let's go to the hospital. -Lena I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I left you at the hospital..... I called a phone sex line. I called a phone sex line before I met you and then these four blond brothers came after me and you got hurt and I'm sorry -- and I had to leave because I don't want you to get hurt again and now I'm here and I'm back and I have a lot of pudding that I can redeem in six to eight weeks and if you give me that much time I can get enough miles to fly with you wherever you have to go if you have to travel for your job because I don't want to be anywhere without you.....can you please let me redeem the mileage? You left me at the hospital. -You left me at the hospital. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. You can't do that. -You can't do that. Ok. -Ok. If you give me six to eight weeks I can redeem the mileage and then I can with you wherever you have to travel...... -If you give me six to eight weeks I can redeem the mileage and then I can with you wherever you have to travel...... So here we go. -....I'm not exactly sure what that means... If they break or something. What is it, plastic? -If they break or something. What is it, plastic? It's a plastic, yeah. -It's a plastic, yeah. Right. Alright, lemme call you first thing tomorrow, I'm gonna run the numbers, see what's what and I'll give you a call back -- -Right. Alright, lemme call you first thing tomorrow, I'm gonna run the numbers, see what's what and I'll give you a call back -- Did you have my home phone number? -Did you have my home phone number? For what? -For what? If you wanted to call me back I could... -If you wanted to call me back I could... I'm fine, I have your work number. -I'm fine, I have your work number. Ok...because of the time difference if you needed to call me early? -Ok...because of the time difference if you needed to call me early? It's fine. I can just get you at your office. -It's fine. I can just get you at your office. Ok. -Ok. Ok, bye, bye. -Ok, bye, bye. Bye. -Why? Just have you for one second, please. -Yeah. Did you do it? -Did you do it? No. -No. You didn't just smash up the bathroom? -You didn't just smash up the bathroom? No. -No. Well who did? -Well who did? I don't know. -I don't know. You're hand is bleeding. -You're hand is bleeding. I cut myself. -I cut myself. How? -How? On my knife. -On my knife. Sir, a young man saw you coming out of the bathroom. -Sir, a young man saw you coming out of the bathroom. I didn't do that. -I didn't do that. Why? ...what? -Why? ...what? Your hand is bleeding. -Your hand is bleeding. I know. -I know. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. -I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Why? -Why? Sir, I have no way of proving that you demolished the bathroom -- -Sir, I have no way of proving that you demolished the bathroom -- I didn't do it. -I didn't do it. Alright, well you're gonna have to leave. You're gonna have to go. -Alright, well you're gonna have to leave. You're gonna have to go. Yeah, but I didn't do anything. -Yeah, but I didn't do anything. I'm gonna call the police then, sir. -I'm gonna call the police then, sir. Please don't do this to me. -Please don't do this to me. The police are on their way. -The police are on their way. Sorry. -Can I pay you here? Can I pay you for our drinks and salad? That's fine. -Hi, this is Janice The Operator, who's this? Hello, how are you? -Hello, how are you? Hi, is this your first time calling? -Hi, is this your first time calling? Yes it is. -Yes it is. Can I have your credit card number, followed by the expiration date? -Can I have your credit card number, followed by the expiration date? Can I ask how much is this? -Can I ask how much is this? -- it's $2.99 per minute for the first half hour and $1.99 per minute after that. --- it's $2.99 per minute for the first half hour and $1.99 per minute after that. ......and this is confidential? -......and this is confidential? What do you mean? -What do you mean? It's....confidential, the call, my information is private. -It's....confidential, the call, my information is private. Of course. Would you like to talk to a girl? I can connect you with a beautiful girl if I can just get your credit card number followed by the expiration date? -Of course. Would you like to talk to a girl? I can connect you with a beautiful girl if I can just get your credit card number followed by the expiration date? ...3407 2627 3444 8095 expiration 05/04. -...3407 2627 3444 8095 expiration 05/04. And your billing address and the name as it appears on the card? -And your billing address and the name as it appears on the card? .....1274 Moorpark. Sherman Oaks, California. #4. 91403. -.....1274 Moorpark. Sherman Oaks, California. #4. 91403. And your name? -And your name? Barry Egan. -Barry Egan. And your Social Security number. -And your Social Security number. What's that for? -What's that for? It's just for verification through the credit card company. -It's just for verification through the credit card company. -- and this is confidential? --- and this is confidential? Of course, it's just for us to verify your credit card information. It's completely confidential and it appears on your credit card billing statement as D&D Mattress Man. -Of course, it's just for us to verify your credit card information. It's completely confidential and it appears on your credit card billing statement as D&D Mattress Man. 337.....I'm sorry.... -337.....I'm sorry.... It's ok, take your time. -It's ok, take your time. 337-09-9876. But I don't want anyone to know my name. -337-09-9876. But I don't want anyone to know my name. No one will know your name. -No one will know your name. Can you say that my name is Jack? -Can you say that my name is Jack? You want her to call you Jack? -You want her to call you Jack? I just don't want anyone to know it's me. -I just don't want anyone to know it's me. That's fine. Can I have a telephone number, area code first on where we can call you back? -That's fine. Can I have a telephone number, area code first on where we can call you back? No I just....I don't want to, I just want to be connected to talk to a girl. -No I just....I don't want to, I just want to be connected to talk to a girl. It's a call back service -- a girl will call you back. -It's a call back service -- a girl will call you back. I thought I was just gonna be connected to talk to a girl - that's fine, ok, I'm sorry, it's, um.....818.... -Who is this? Hello, my name is Barry Egan and I called your service -- -Hello, my name is Barry Egan and I called your service -- Why don't you shut the fuck up? -Why don't you shut the fuck up? What? -What? I said calm down and shut the fuck up. What's your problem? -I said calm down and shut the fuck up. What's your problem? I haven't even told you what's happened. Your girl that you have that works there for you threatened me and two men just chased me -- extorted money -- DEAN Go fuck yourself that shit doesn't have anything to do with me - this is a legitimate bossiness. -I haven't even told you what's happened. Your girl that you have that works there for you threatened me and two men just chased me -- extorted money -- DEAN Go fuck yourself that shit doesn't have anything to do with me - this is a legitimate bossiness. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. MY LOVE WAS HURT, SHE GOT HURT. I AM IN LOVE WITH HER AND YOU HURT YOU AND YOU ARE GONNA FUCKING GET HURT. YOU DON'T TOUCH HER, I LOVE HER. -YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. MY LOVE WAS HURT, SHE GOT HURT. I AM IN LOVE WITH HER AND YOU HURT YOU AND YOU ARE GONNA FUCKING GET HURT. YOU DON'T TOUCH HER, I LOVE HER. CALM DOWN SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CALM DOWN SHUT SHUT SHUT UP SHUT UP -- -Now are you threatening me, dick? You are bad. You are a bad person. you are a bad person and you have no right to take people's confidence in your service -- -You are bad. You are a bad person. you are a bad person and you have no right to take people's confidence in your service -- You better watch your mouth, cunt, you're gonna get hurt. -You better watch your mouth, cunt, you're gonna get hurt. NO. NO. DON'T YOU SAY THAT. -NO. NO. DON'T YOU SAY THAT. I'll say whatever I want -- -I'll say whatever I want -- YOU FUCK OFF. YOU FUCK OFF AND DIE I WILL HURT YOU FOR HURTING HER. YOU HURT HER. -YOU FUCK OFF. YOU FUCK OFF AND DIE I WILL HURT YOU FOR HURTING HER. YOU HURT HER. You just told me to fuck off. That wasn't good. You're dead. -I'm a nice and reasonable man. I didn't do anything wrong. Please don't make me hurt you. And I'm telling you: that if you ever hurt me or if you hurt someone that I love.....I will hurt you many, many, many times over.....because it's not right to take people's trust. You came all the way from Los Angeles to tell me that? -You came all the way from Los Angeles to tell me that? Yes I did. -Can we agree that that is that? That's that. -That's that. Thank you. -You do guaranteed sale? etc. We back our plungers 100% and we do ask for a 30 to 60 day display on the floor..... -Yes.....we do ask for....30 to 60 days.... I think you have a call? -Sorry about that. I didn't know you had a sister? -I didn't know you had a sister? .....Well yes I do.... But one more thing I wanted to tell you guys about the new plungers is that we're making the handles now in a non-breakable material called..... -How many sisters do you have? ....I have seven. -How you doin' Barry? Hi Walter. -Hi Walter. How's business? -How's business? Business is very food, thanks. ELIZABETH What's very food? -Yeah. That was weird. I meant good. -That was weird. I meant good. Maybe you said that because you're hungry..... -What's up? Well I'm sorry. Before... -Well I'm sorry. Before... Mhm. -Mhm. And I'm sorry that I did that. -And I'm sorry that I did that. It's alright. -It's alright. I wanted to ask you because you're a doctor, right? -I wanted to ask you because you're a doctor, right? Yeah. -Yeah. I don't like the way I am sometimes. Can you help me? WALTER Barry, I'm a dentist, what kind of help do you think I can give you? -I don't like the way I am sometimes. Can you help me? WALTER Barry, I'm a dentist, what kind of help do you think I can give you? I know that. Maybe you know other doctors? -I know that. Maybe you know other doctors? Like a psychiatrist? -Like a psychiatrist? I don't have anyone to talk to things about and I understand it's confidential with a doctor - I'm embarrassed about that and I don't want my sisters to know? -I don't have anyone to talk to things about and I understand it's confidential with a doctor - I'm embarrassed about that and I don't want my sisters to know? You want a number for a psychiatrist, I can get you one, that's not a problem. but what exactly is wrong? -You want a number for a psychiatrist, I can get you one, that's not a problem. but what exactly is wrong? I don't know if there's anything wrong with me because I don't know how other people are.....Sometimes I cry a lot.....for no reason. -This is Janice the operator, who's this? My name is Barry Egan and I spoke to you....you called me, you remember? -...no....I don't....I don't remember you. Who's this? That's not true. That's not true at all. You said that your name was Georgia and you said our conversation was confidential and I trusted you and you kept calling and asking me for money, c'mon now I want to talk to your owner, your supervisor, whoever runs this, you understand. Please connect me now. -That's not true. That's not true at all. You said that your name was Georgia and you said our conversation was confidential and I trusted you and you kept calling and asking me for money, c'mon now I want to talk to your owner, your supervisor, whoever runs this, you understand. Please connect me now. Can you hang on a second? -Ok, sir....I'm gonna put you through to my supervisor. Fine, thank you. -Fine, thank you. Ok. You're connected. -No, no, no, no, no. What do you mean? It doesn't state anywhere about six to eight weeks. It takes that much time to process the order and make sure it's valid -- -It takes that much time to process the order and make sure it's valid -- I had this whole thing in my head, I was gonna be able to get this to you today -- I have to leave today -- -I had this whole thing in my head, I was gonna be able to get this to you today -- I have to leave today -- I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. How am I supposed to know what to do if you don't say it -- if it's not in your rules and regulations in your fine print how am I supposed to know how to be with this -- -How am I supposed to know what to do if you don't say it -- if it's not in your rules and regulations in your fine print how am I supposed to know how to be with this -- It takes time to process -- -It takes time to process -- No, no, no, no, nO, NO, NO! -Hey, good morning, Barry. Hey...Lance....can I..... -Hey...Lance....can I..... You ok? -You ok? Yes I'm fine. -Yes I'm fine. Why you wearin' a suit? -Why you wearin' a suit? Um....I bought one. I thought maybe it would be nice to get dressed for work, can I show you something? -Um....I bought one. I thought maybe it would be nice to get dressed for work, can I show you something? Yeah.....you got here early huh? -Yeah.....you got here early huh? ....yes..... -What is this? I don't know. I think it's a piano....a small piano. -I don't know. I think it's a piano....a small piano. That's not a piano.....I have a piano at home.....where'd you get it? -Why is it here? Barry....Barry? ...it just....I don't know....I don't know. -Good morning, Barry.... Hi, Lance. -Hi, Lance. What's with all this pudding, what is this? -That's part of a very interesting airline promotion giveaway that's really tremendous. I'm going to start a collection of pudding and coupons that can be redeemed for frequent flyer miles through Healthy Choice and American Airlines -- You're goin' on a trip? -You're goin' on a trip? No.........but airline miles are just like a currency these days. -No.........but airline miles are just like a currency these days. You should go on a trip. -You should go on a trip. No thanks. -No thanks. So what should I do with the pudding? -So what should I do with the pudding? Let's just leave it there for now. -It's not a piano. LANCE! LANCE! MAKE SURE THAT YOU CALL THAT GUY IN TOLEDO. WHICH? -WHICH? ...I'll tell you later. -Which guy in Toledo are you talking about? I'll tell you...the guy...with...just talk to me later about it, ok? -I'll tell you...the guy...with...just talk to me later about it, ok? You talkin' to me about Ramada Inn? -You talkin' to me about Ramada Inn? I have to talk to you in a second about that, Lance, ok? -What's up? I think I got in trouble. A little bit of trouble.... -I think I got in trouble. A little bit of trouble.... What happened? -What happened? ....I made a call..... ....and, uh.... -Ok. Well. I'm gonna go out of town. I'm going to go out of town just for two days... Where you goin? -Where you goin? I'm going to go to Hawaii but you can't tell my sisters that. -I'm going to go to Hawaii but you can't tell my sisters that. Wow, you're goin' to Hawaii, that's great -- you're goin -- ? -Wow, you're goin' to Hawaii, that's great -- you're goin -- ? Yeah but you can't tell my sisters that. -Yeah but you can't tell my sisters that. Ok. -Ok. Alright: And I have to go and buy some more pudding for this trip to Hawaii and as I just said that out loud I'm realizing it sounds a little strange but it's not. So can you come and help me out? -Alright: And I have to go and buy some more pudding for this trip to Hawaii and as I just said that out loud I'm realizing it sounds a little strange but it's not. So can you come and help me out? Ok. -You know you can get places in the world with pudding. That's funny. Yeah. -Yeah. That's funny. -....now: this pudding? Yeah. -Yeah. Let's just figure that out later -- Ok. I gotta go. I'm just gonna go now and I'll call you from there, you're in charge 'till I get back. And don't tell my sisters anything? He exits. -Where you been? Well I had to go to Utah...but now I'm here and I'll be right back. -Hey. Hi. -Hi. I need to talk to you for a second. -I need to talk to you for a second. What? -What? You gotta give me some money. -You made a phone call and you said you'd help a girl out and then you didn't....I'm here to get the money. Wait a minute -- -Wait a minute -- No, no, no, no c'mon man, don't make it a thing -- -No, no, no, no c'mon man, don't make it a thing -- Please don't do this. -Please don't do this. It's just you need to give me the money...do you have it right now? -Whoa...whoa...wait, wait -- don't please.... How much money do you have in your pockets? -How much money do you have in your pockets? Just take it, take the money in my pockets, take it, it's fine -- -It's three hundred and twenty dollars, just take it. What do you have in the house? -What do you have in the house? Nothing....I mean, really...change, nothing....that's the cash I have.... -Nothing....I mean, really...change, nothing....that's the cash I have.... You have an ATM? -You have an ATM? Yes. -Yes. Is this where you live? -Is this where you live? Yes. -Yes. You have another house somewhere or something? -You have another house somewhere or something? No. -HEY. You made a fucking sex call and now you're gonna pay. It's not a big thing -- just give us some money and then it's over -- we'll just walk down to the ATM and get your money out -- Alright, alright. -Ok. This is what you get when you're a pervert -- you said you'd help someone out and you didn't so we're just getting some money for her and that's that. You know, please, I just wanna say that I didn't say I would help her out; I was very clear about it....I don't think that this is fair.....wait, wait, wait, ouch, ouch..... -They need to be scanned individually. They each have a bar code, so I need it scanned individually so that each and every cup appears on the receipt... What is this, man? -What is this, man? I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Are you serious with this? -Are you serious with this? Yes. Sorry. -Yes. Sorry. Well....what do you want, then? -Well....what do you want, then? Each pudding cup has to be scanned individually so that...it's for a giveaway...a product giveaway by this company... -Each pudding cup has to be scanned individually so that...it's for a giveaway...a product giveaway by this company... This is a bunch of bullshit. -This is a bunch of bullshit. I'm sorry, I know. I know that it's.... -This is Barry. What are you doing? -What are you doing? Hi, Kathleen, I'm just working. -Hi, Kathleen, I'm just working. Are you going to the party tonight? -Are you going to the party tonight? Yes I am. -Yes I am. What are you doing? -What are you doing? Nothing. -Nothing. Right now, you're doing nothing? -Right now, you're doing nothing? I'm just talking on the phone to you and standing. -I'm just talking on the phone to you and standing. What time are you gonna be there? -What time are you gonna be there? Seven o'clock. -Seven o'clock. You can't be late. -You can't be late. I won't. -I won't. I'm serious. -I'm serious. I know. -I know. Seriously. -Seriously. Ok. -Ok. You can't be late though. -You can't be late though. I know. -I know. You can't just not show up like you do, you have to go. -You can't just not show up like you do, you have to go. I know. -I know. Seriously. -Seriously. I know. -I know. You can't just stay in your house. -You can't just stay in your house. I know. -I know. Yeah but I'm serious. -Yeah but I'm serious. Ok. -Ok. I'll see you there. -I'll see you there. I'll see you there. -I'll see you there. Don't puss out. -Don't puss out. I won't. -I don't really remember that. Yes you do. We were calling you Gay Boy and you got so mad.... -Yes you do. We were calling you Gay Boy and you got so mad.... Yes, yes, right. -That's cool. When can you leave? -When can you leave? As soon as you want. -As soon as you want. I want you to go right away, I think that's best. I also need you to check out a car for me down there that this guy is selling. -Your expenses are your own. I thought Latisha said you would -- -I thought Latisha said you would -- -- she didn't know what she was talking about -- --- she didn't know what she was talking about -- It's....whatever....that's not cool. -It's....whatever....that's not cool. David, Don't. Just. Seriously. It doesn't make sense if you think about it in a fair deal like sense. Ok? It's business. Seriously. One hundred dollars for two days work is a lot more than your family is making sitting around your house. I'm serious now. Ok. Please. Now. Just stop. -This is this place called Ace Vintage, you gotta find it, I don't know exactly where this is and I don't understand these maps so just go there and check it out. It's a '61 AC Cobra that this old guy says is fine, but I need to figure out why he's only asking 23 for it. So take a look, the whole thing, call me about that, if it seems alright then I'll head down there and check it out. Ok. -Ok. That's it. -That's it. Can we maybe ask for more money on this? -So they'll go. I'm only paying two of you guys. -...keys for the track. You have to gas it up and save the receipts on that. His address. We have a business address too if you need that -- but hit him at his house first, see what this little bad boy is all about and shake him up -- give him a little doe-see-doe -- Uch. Shut up, Dean. -Uch. Shut up, Dean. What's the problem? -What's the problem? "You don't need to talk all macho, ""shake him out, little bad boy."" Whatever -- you're not an action hero, tough guy, you're not a gangster --" -Hello? Hey, it's me. This guy from L.A., Barry Egan is calling on the other line and saying all this stuff, he wants to talk to a supervisor or whatever -- -Hey, it's me. This guy from L.A., Barry Egan is calling on the other line and saying all this stuff, he wants to talk to a supervisor or whatever -- What did you say? -What did you say? Nothing. -Nothing. Put him through. -Put him through. No, no. This is bad, something might have happened, we should just -- -No, no. This is bad, something might have happened, we should just -- Shut up, just put him on the phone, it doesn't matter, just shut up -- -He's wearing a suit again, I don't know why he's wearing a suit, he doesn't usually dress like that -- It's fine. -It's ok. That's alright. Are you learning how to play the piano? What is that? -I'll go pay for my car. Are you sure? -Are you sure? Yeah. -Yeah. He's being weird, I'm sorry. I have no idea why he's being weird and dressed in a suit -- -He's being weird, I'm sorry. I have no idea why he's being weird and dressed in a suit -- It's not bad, it's ok. -It's not bad, it's ok. -- he's so strange I don't know if you really even would want to go out with him, someone like him, I said I'd try, but it's just -- --- he's so strange I don't know if you really even would want to go out with him, someone like him, I said I'd try, but it's just -- It's ok, it's alright. I'll come right back, I'll just go pay for my car. -It's ok, it's alright. I'll come right back, I'll just go pay for my car. Sorry. -We should be going -- Yeah, no, I have to get something from my car, I said. -I can't find that thing in my car, I can't find it so I'll just get it and give it to you later. So? You ready? -You ready? Are you coming to eat with us? -Are you ready? Will you call me later to talk about asking Walter for the shrink? And we can talk about - he said you have this crying problem or something? -Will you call me later to talk about asking Walter for the shrink? And we can talk about - he said you have this crying problem or something? Bye, Barry. -So I'll meet you at the restaraunt? Ok. -They need to see the new 484's to make sure it works with their OC.... Ok. What should I do about Eric? -Ok. What should I do about Eric? Just tell him to call me. -Just tell him to call me. Ok. -Ok. So...did my brother call you? -So...did my brother call you? No. -No. I have no idea what he's doing then. I'm sorry that didn't work out. -I have no idea what he's doing then. I'm sorry that didn't work out. It's fine. -It's fine. You wouldn't want to go out with him anyway, honestly, he's such a freak sometimes. -You wouldn't want to go out with him anyway, honestly, he's such a freak sometimes. He did seem a little strange. -He did seem a little strange. Well...he's not that strange, don't say that. -Well...he's not that strange, don't say that. I'm sorry. You're right. -I'm sorry. You're right. I think he's weird, but that's me. -I think he's weird, but that's me. Should I call you later? -Should I call you later? I'll just see you when you get back here. -I'll just see you when you get back here. Ok. -Welcome to Charenton, Abbe du Maupas. I'm pleased to have the new post, sir. -I'm pleased to have the new post, sir. I'm afraid that our endowment has shrivelled to a mere pittance; we're the laughing stock of all France. But -- on a happier note -- --- and the listless ones do the binding. It's remarkable, Doctor. The patients are so subdued; so docile. -It's remarkable, Doctor. The patients are so subdued; so docile. They've the satisfaction only a hard day's labor can provide. -I don't believe it. The Marquis de Sade? You're actually publishing his novels? Ever since his unfortunate death, there's been a surge of interest in his work. I'll use the profits to restore Charenton to her former glory. -Of course, everything's not as harmonious as it seems. I hope you've a strong constitution. My years tending the lepers at St. Emilion steeled me for life's grisliest offerings, Doctor. -My years tending the lepers at St. Emilion steeled me for life's grisliest offerings, Doctor. We've still a few lone incurables. Prone to violence, to perversion. -"""And so the Professor lifted Colombe's skirt high, above her waist. 'Let me be your Tutor,' said he, 'in the ways of love.' With that, he slid her pantalettes down, down, down over her knees, and there -- nestled between her legs -- as pink as a tulip, as slick as an eel --""" We oughtn't be reading his nasty stories -- -We oughtn't be reading his nasty stories -- No one's forcing you to listen. -You've been to his quarters, haven't you? Once or twice. -Once or twice. I hear he's got a whetstone and chisel, and he uses them to sharpen his teeth. -I hear he's got a whetstone and chisel, and he uses them to sharpen his teeth. He's a writer, not a madman. -He's a writer, not a madman. Then what's he doing here? -If you're going to slander him, then you don't deserve to hear his stories -- I think she's sweet on him, that's what I think. -Marquis? Is that you? For fuck's sake, who else would it be? The witching hour's arrived; you've alerted the others, yes? -For fuck's sake, who else would it be? The witching hour's arrived; you've alerted the others, yes? I'm no longer a man! I awoke to discover I'd turned into a sparrow! -Yes, well, I awoke to discover I'd turned into a cat. If you don't do as I say, I'll sink my little fangs into your drumsticks, and suck the marrow straight out of your bones. At your service, Count. -At your service, Count. Now give the signal. -"""One day, Fanchon's first client was a surgeon. He ran his fingers across her naked skin, pulling apart folds of flesh, inspecting each and every follicle...""" """One day, Fanchon was visited by a surgeon. He ran his fingers across her naked skin, pulling apart folds of flesh, inspecting follicles...""" -"""With that, Fanchon expelled a scream so extravagantly pitched, that the surgeon was obliged to tear out her tongue --""" """With that, Fanchon expelled a scream so extravagantly pitched, that the surgeon was obliged to tear out her tongue --""" -"""To seal the wound, he took a poker from the fire --""" """...a poker... he took a poker from the fire...""" -Then how can we know who is truly good, and who is evil? We can't. All we can do is guard against our own corruption. -Madeleine -- Yes, Abbe? -Yes, Abbe? The next time you feel the urge to visit the Marquis, I hope you'll come to confession instead. -Has he hurt you? His stinking breath caused my eyes to run, that's all. -I was wrong to free him, but so are you -- for taking all his treasures -- his quills and his ink -- Not now, or we're both done for. -Had I known your taste in novels, I never would've taught you to read. Don't say that; reading's my salvation. -Don't say that; reading's my salvation. But why must you indulge in his pornography? -But why must you indulge in his pornography? It's a hard day's wages, slaving away for madmen. What I've seen in life, it takes a lot to hold my interest. -Ow! But why heap such ghastly fantasies atop an already ghastly existence? -But why heap such ghastly fantasies atop an already ghastly existence? I put myself in his stories. I play the parts. Each strumpet, each murderess. -I put myself in his stories. I play the parts. Each strumpet, each murderess. Why not act the role of heroines instead? Queen Esther from the Bible, or St. Joan? -Why not act the role of heroines instead? Queen Esther from the Bible, or St. Joan? If I wasn't such a bad woman on the page, Abbe, I'll hazard I couldn't be such a good woman in life. -In part, yes. He's not the man who's cast a shadow here. -The Doctor's a respected man, a friend of the court -- I haven't been to see the Marquis for ages. And I won't -- ever again -- I swear it. I won't speak to him, I won't even utter his name -- -I haven't been to see the Marquis for ages. And I won't -- ever again -- I swear it. I won't speak to him, I won't even utter his name -- Is that a promise you can truly keep? -Charenton has changed; it's not safe for you here. I've you to look after me, haven't I? -Don't turn us out, Abbe. """Turn you out?""" -It's a sin against God for me to refuse your kindness. But my heart's held fast here... By whom? The Marquis? -By whom? The Marquis? Mother's not half so blind as you. -Madeleine, I... there are certain things... feelings... we must not voice. Why not? -Why not? They incite us to act. In ways we should not... cannot... a lesson the Marquis would do well to learn. -Go back to your room. Quickly. What? What've I done? -What? What've I done? Don't come back, not tonight, not again -- -Don't come back, not tonight, not again -- You'll hate me now, won't you? -If you'd grant me a final favor, I'd like the chance to explain myself -- Don't come any closer, Abbe. God's watching. -They've got no right, sending someone to sit on your shoulder. I work for you; I won't take orders from a stranger. You needn't worry, Valcour. It's administrative, nothing more. -Free his mouth. Mustn't do that, sir. -Mustn't do that, sir. I must grant him his last rites. -I must grant him his last rites. I don't take my orders from you; not anymore. -I don't take my orders from you; not anymore. You'd deny a dying man his salvation? -Care for a splash of wine, Abbe? It's not even noon -- -It's not even noon -- Conversation, like certain portions of the anatomy, always runs more smoothly when it's lubricated. -I should've told you it was the blood of Christ; you'd believe that, wouldn't you? We treat you well enough here, don't we Marquis? Your very own featherbed, in lieu of a straw mat. Your antique writing desk, all the way from LaCoste. Enough quills to feather an ostrich -- -We treat you well enough here, don't we Marquis? Your very own featherbed, in lieu of a straw mat. Your antique writing desk, all the way from LaCoste. Enough quills to feather an ostrich -- It's true, dear-heart, you've spoiled me pink. -It's true, dear-heart, you've spoiled me pink. In exchange, we ask only that you follow the rules. Now you know as well as I do... you're not to entertain visitors in your quarters. -In exchange, we ask only that you follow the rules. Now you know as well as I do... you're not to entertain visitors in your quarters. I'm entertaining you now, aren't I? -I'm entertaining you now, aren't I? I'm not a beautiful young prospect, ripe for corruption. -I'm not a beautiful young prospect, ripe for corruption. Don't be so sure. -Take your pen in hand, Marquis. Purge these wicked thoughts of yours on paper; maybe they'll govern you less in life. I'll fill page after page, I promise. -Yes! It is! The paper's cheap, the type's too small -- What did you do? Bribe one of the guards? -What did you do? Bribe one of the guards? But you implored me to write! For curative purposes, to stave off my madness -- -But you implored me to write! For curative purposes, to stave off my madness -- But you've no right to publish! Behind my back, without my sanction! -But you've no right to publish! Behind my back, without my sanction! Have you truly read the book in question? Or did you run -- straightaway -- to the dog-eared pages? -Have you truly read the book in question? Or did you run -- straightaway -- to the dog-eared pages? Enough to discern its tenor. -Enough to discern its tenor. And --? -And --? "It's not even a proper novel! It's nothing but an encyclopedia of perversions! Frankly, it even fails as an exercise in craft. The characters are wooden; the dialogue is inane. Not to mention the endless repetition of words like ""nipple"" and ""pikestaff"" --" -"It's not even a proper novel! It's nothing but an encyclopedia of perversions! Frankly, it even fails as an exercise in craft. The characters are wooden; the dialogue is inane. Not to mention the endless repetition of words like ""nipple"" and ""pikestaff"" --" There I was taxed; it's true. -There I was taxed; it's true. And such puny scope! Nothing but the very worst in man's nature! -And such puny scope! Nothing but the very worst in man's nature! I write of the great, eternal truths that bind together all mankind! The whole world over, we eat, we shit, we fuck, we kill and we die. -I write of the great, eternal truths that bind together all mankind! The whole world over, we eat, we shit, we fuck, we kill and we die. But we also fall in love; we build cities, we compose symphonies, and we endure. Why not put that in your books as well? -But we also fall in love; we build cities, we compose symphonies, and we endure. Why not put that in your books as well? It's a fiction, not a moral treatise. -It's a fiction, not a moral treatise. But isn't that the duty of art? To elevate us above the beast? -But isn't that the duty of art? To elevate us above the beast? I thought that was your duty, Abbe, not mine. -I thought that was your duty, Abbe, not mine. One more trick like this, and I'll be forced to revoke all your liberties! -One more trick like this, and I'll be forced to revoke all your liberties! It's that Doctor fellow, isn't it? He's come to usurp your place here, hasn't he? -It's that Doctor fellow, isn't it? He's come to usurp your place here, hasn't he? More than your writing's at stake. The Ministry has threatened us with closure. -More than your writing's at stake. The Ministry has threatened us with closure. They can't be serious. -They can't be serious. Our future lies in the stroke of your pen. -Our future lies in the stroke of your pen. Mightier than the sword indeed. -Mightier than the sword indeed. Put yourself in my place. I've your fellow patients to consider. If Charenton falls, they've no place to go. No manner in which to clothe or feed themselves -- -Put yourself in my place. I've your fellow patients to consider. If Charenton falls, they've no place to go. No manner in which to clothe or feed themselves -- Fuck 'em! They're half-wits and pinheads. Let 'em die on the streets, as Nature intended. -Fuck 'em! They're half-wits and pinheads. Let 'em die on the streets, as Nature intended. You among them? -You've a touch of the poet, too; perhaps you should take up the quill. Do I have your word? -If you only mean to dupe me again -- Honestly! You cut me to the core! What's the point of all your valiant attempts at rehabilitation if -- when I finally succumb -- when at long last, I pledge myself to righteous conduct -- you regard me with nothing but suspicion? Have you no faith in your own medicine? -You mean to take us all down with you? Don't be absurd; it's only a play. -He can't do that to me. How can one man possibly be so selfish? -How can one man possibly be so selfish? We held a mirror up to the Doctor, and -- apparently -- he didn't like what he saw. -What the devil -- If you won't be true to your word, then you've left me no choice. -Perhaps -- in time -- you'll earn them back through good behavior -- You can't --! You mustn't --! I've all the demons of hell in my head; my only salvation is to vent them on paper -- -You can't --! You mustn't --! I've all the demons of hell in my head; my only salvation is to vent them on paper -- Try reading, for a change. The writer who produces more than he reads? The sure mark of an amateur. -Start with the Bible; it's cheerier, and more artfully written. That monstrous God of yours? He strung up his very own son like a side of veal; I shudder to think what He'd do to me. -That monstrous God of yours? He strung up his very own son like a side of veal; I shudder to think what He'd do to me. You know what sacrilege is, don't you? The last refuge of the failed provocateur. -I'll die of loneliness! I've no company but the characters I create -- Whores and pederasts? You're better off without them. -I have a proposition. You always do. -You always do. Madeleine. She's besotted with me; she'd do anything I ask. She could pay you a midnight visit -- -Madeleine. She's besotted with me; she'd do anything I ask. She could pay you a midnight visit -- I don't know who you insult more; her or me. -I don't know who you insult more; her or me. """Part the gates of heaven,"" as it were --" -"""Part the gates of heaven,"" as it were --" That's enough. -That's enough. You're tense, darling. You could use a long, slow screw. -You're tense, darling. You could use a long, slow screw. Good day, Marquis. -Good day, Marquis. THEN BUGGER ME! -My bed, gone! Am I to freeze to death? His rug. -His rug. And my chaise -- am I being denied the privilege of sitting -- of plopping down my ass -- -That's a Turkish weave, you numbskull; it costs more than you'll earn in your lifetime -- Valcour. His chair. -Virgin birth -- ha! An entire religion, built on an oxymoron! Orvolle. His wine. From now on, nothing but water at every meal -- -Orvolle. His wine. From now on, nothing but water at every meal -- -- water! -- --- water! -- -- and your meat shall be de-boned. -WHY THIS SUDDEN TORTURE? Because your writing continues, unchecked. -I DIDN'T CREATE THIS WORLD OF OURS! I ONLY RECORD IT! Its horrors, perhaps! Its darkest nightmares! And to what end? Nothing but your own morbid gratification -- -Its horrors, perhaps! Its darkest nightmares! And to what end? Nothing but your own morbid gratification -- Morbid gratification? NO! I write what I've seen; the endless procession to the chopping block. We're all lined up at the guillotine, waiting for the crunch of the blade. Rivers of blood are flowing beneath our feet, Abbe. -If it were up to the Doctor, you'd be flayed alive. A man after my own heart... -A man after my own heart... What in God's name am I to do with you? The more I forbid, the more you're provoked! -What in God's name am I to do with you? The more I forbid, the more you're provoked! I could be convinced to abandon my writing, quite voluntarily. -I could be convinced to abandon my writing, quite voluntarily. What on earth would that require? -What on earth would that require? A night spent with the partner of my choice. -A night spent with the partner of my choice. You expect me to pimp Madeleine? -You expect me to pimp Madeleine? I wasn't talking about Madeleine. -OFF WITH YOUR CLOTHES! Coulmier, you animal! -Coulmier, you animal! I DO NOT MEAN TO FLIRT, MARQUIS! -I DO NOT MEAN TO FLIRT, MARQUIS! Oh, but you must, my pumpkin! Sex without flirtation is merely rape! -Oh, but you must, my pumpkin! Sex without flirtation is merely rape! NOW STRIP. -It's a potent aphrodisiac, isn't it? Power over another man. Your wig. Remove your wig. -Oh, I'm to be blamed now, am I? Your words drove Bouchon to -- -Your words drove Bouchon to -- For fuck's sake, Abbe! What am I to do? Police my readers as you police me? Suppose one of your precious wards had attempted to walk on water and drowned? Would you condemn the Bible? I think not! -For fuck's sake, Abbe! What am I to do? Police my readers as you police me? Suppose one of your precious wards had attempted to walk on water and drowned? Would you condemn the Bible? I think not! An innocent child is dead. -An innocent child is dead. So many authors are denied the gratification of a concrete response to their work. I am blessed, am I not? -It's no secret that you loved her. Oh, that's rich -- coming from her lapdog -- -Oh, that's rich -- coming from her lapdog -- I saw the longing in your eye -- -I saw the longing in your eye -- -- that was lust -- --- that was lust -- -- the passion in your heart -- -Don't confuse one organ with another -- I know, because I felt it myself -- -I know, because I felt it myself -- I WANTED TO FUCK HER, THAT'S ALL! -I WANTED TO FUCK HER, THAT'S ALL! AND DID YOU? -AND DID YOU? IT'S NOT YOUR PROVINCE TO ASK. -IT'S NOT YOUR PROVINCE TO ASK. You're no stranger to rape, Marquis; and yet with her, you cooed. You courted. You begged. -You're no stranger to rape, Marquis; and yet with her, you cooed. You courted. You begged. Go to hell! -Go to hell! Why was it you never took her by force? -Why was it you never took her by force? Who's to say I did not? -Who's to say I did not? Was it impotence? -Was it impotence? NEVER! -NEVER! Then it must've been love -- -I FUCKED HER COUNTLESS TIMES! IN EVERY ORIFICE! AND ALL THE WHILE, SHE PLEAD FOR MORE -- We inspected the body, Marquis. She died a virgin. -I dare you. Stab my flesh. Which one of us will bleed? Tomorrow, we'll cut out your tongue. -Abbe de Coulmier! I'm here. -I'm here. Surely you'll grant me a final word. -Surely you'll grant me a final word. Of course. -Dr. Royer-Collard? May I be the first to welcome you to Charenton -- This may feel a tad awkward, my friend, but it needn't be. I've merely come to oversee your work here; understood? -This may feel a tad awkward, my friend, but it needn't be. I've merely come to oversee your work here; understood? Of course. -Of course. It's a formality; truly. -It's a formality; truly. You're a man of Science; I'm a man of God. Charenton stands to profit from us both, I'm certain. -You're a man of Science; I'm a man of God. Charenton stands to profit from us both, I'm certain. I'll need an office on the grounds; someplace to store my things. -I'll need an office on the grounds; someplace to store my things. If you don't mind my asking... why has the Emperor taken such sudden interest in my... our... affairs? -If you don't mind my asking... why has the Emperor taken such sudden interest in my... our... affairs? It seems a particular patient of yours has captured his fancy. -I understand he practices the very crimes he preaches in his fiction. A few indiscretions in his youth. -Indiscretions, Abbe? Please. I've read his case history. At sixteen, he violated a serving girl with a crucifix. After six months in the dungeon at Vincennes, he mutilated a prostitute, cutting her flesh with a razor, then cauterizing the wounds with wax -- I hope you'll judge him by his progress here, and not his past reputation. -He's made a great success of our Little Theater; there's seldom an empty seat. Not to mention its therapeutic value. Playing dress-up with cretins? That sounds like a symptom of madness; not its cure. -Why is he in your care, and not a proper prison? His wife's influence. -His wife's influence. His wife's? -His wife's? Better to have an insane spouse than a criminal one. -And he's never once attempted escape? A man of his notoriety? He wouldn't last a day on the streets without capture. -Besides, every wholesome thing he might desire, he has at Charenton. A library, filled with the world's great books, music lessons, watercolor exercises -- What is the impact of all these amenities upon his psyche? -What is the impact of all these amenities upon his psyche? He no longer roars or spits. He no longer taunts the guards or molests his fellow wards -- -He no longer roars or spits. He no longer taunts the guards or molests his fellow wards -- And his writing? -Oh. That. Well...? -Well...? It's essential to his recovery; a purgative for the toxins in his mind. -It's essential to his recovery; a purgative for the toxins in his mind. Do you favor its publication? -Do you favor its publication? For sale? To the general public? Certainly not; it's unprintable. -You have to believe me, I had no idea -- All France is aghast at this book, yet you've not heard of it? -All France is aghast at this book, yet you've not heard of it? I've taken vows to live my life within these walls; not outside them. -I've taken vows to live my life within these walls; not outside them. Abbe, I admire you; I do. You've a conviction... an idealism... peculiar to the very young. And so I'll be candid. The Ministry has sent me here with the most explicit... the most severe instructions. -Abbe, I admire you; I do. You've a conviction... an idealism... peculiar to the very young. And so I'll be candid. The Ministry has sent me here with the most explicit... the most severe instructions. Yes? -Unless we set Charenton on a straight and narrow course, she'll be shut down forever by order of the Emperor. Shut down? -Shut down? In their eyes, the Marquis is the surest barometer of your progress here. -In their eyes, the Marquis is the surest barometer of your progress here. But he's one among some two hundred wards -- -But he's one among some two hundred wards -- Have you tried bleeding him with leeches? The calming chair? Maybe you should flog him at the stake? -Have you tried bleeding him with leeches? The calming chair? Maybe you should flog him at the stake? Why? So he'll learn to fear punishment, rather than pursue virtue for its own reward? -Why? So he'll learn to fear punishment, rather than pursue virtue for its own reward? You're a sentimental man. -You're a sentimental man. A practical man, sir. Given the Marquis' unusual tastes, a sound thrashing on bare flesh may not qualify as a deterrent. -A practical man, sir. Given the Marquis' unusual tastes, a sound thrashing on bare flesh may not qualify as a deterrent. You find this amusing, do you? -On the contrary. Let me take up this matter with the Marquis myself -- And place my reputation at stake? -And place my reputation at stake? Charenton is my life's work. To have her wrested from beneath me now -- -Well? I spoke to him with reason and compassion; the tools which serve us best here. -I spoke to him with reason and compassion; the tools which serve us best here. And --? -And --? He's sworn to obedience. -He's more than a patient, Doctor; the Marquis is my friend -- You keep strange company, Abbe. But if you truly have matters in hand here -- -You keep strange company, Abbe. But if you truly have matters in hand here -- I have. -I have. -- then I've friends of my own to visit. -Madame Bougival; Mademoiselle Clairwil -- and of course -- the Marquis' wife -- Oh indeed? -It was fiction, of course. Of course. -Of course. It was not inspired by circumstance. -It was not inspired by circumstance. No. It most certainly was not. -You ought to be ashamed, Abbe. Exploiting those drooling, pathetic cretins for financial gain -- That's not our intent -- -That's not our intent -- -- a veritable freak show for tourists and curiosity seekers. Charenton is a sanatorium; she is not a circus. The theater is henceforth closed. As for your avowed friend -- playwright emeritus of the madhouse -- -I'll do everything in my power -- Do more. Otherwise, I'll be forced to report to the Ministry that the inmates are indeed running the asylum. -You'll get more from her with kindness than you will with force. What could cause a tincture like this? -He'll do no such thing. It's a weak man who tests his mettle on the backs of children -- -It's a weak man who tests his mettle on the backs of children -- This child let loose the beast from its cage -- -This child let loose the beast from its cage -- Madeleine's not wicked. It's the Marquis who's corrupted her. That's not her fault; it's mine. -If only blood will appease you, then shed mine. You'd suffer in her stead? -As you say, Doctor. He was so impressed with the Marquis' tale that he chose to re-enact it, yes? -Perhaps you'll be so kind as to remind me of her name... I beg you, Doctor, don't make me say it. -I beg you, Doctor, don't make me say it. HER NAME, ABBE. -My, my. You have exceeded my expectations. And my own. -And my own. How is the patient faring? -How is the patient faring? Poorly. -Poorly. And you? It must've been an ordeal. -And you? It must've been an ordeal. I'm not the first man God has asked to shed blood in His name. I will not be the last. -I'm not the first man God has asked to shed blood in His name. I will not be the last. Will you sleep soundly tonight? -Will you sleep soundly tonight? No, sir. Plainly put, I never expect to sleep again. -I've stared into the face of evil... ...and I've lived to tell the tale. Now... for your own sake... let me write it down. Gibberish, my friend. He rants and he raves -- -"""As he loosened his manhood from beneath his robes, The Bishop muttered a Latin prayer. And then -- with a mighty thrust -- drove it into her very entrails --""" Enough! -As for the author... shoot him. A word of caution, Sire: we all remember what happened to Robespierre, Danton and Marat. Put the Marquis to death, and history might even regard you as a despot. -A word of caution, Sire: we all remember what happened to Robespierre, Danton and Marat. Put the Marquis to death, and history might even regard you as a despot. But I am history. -But I am history. Of course, Your Highness. Nevertheless... cure the Marquis de Sade... succeed, where countless physicians and priests have failed... -Of course, Your Highness. Nevertheless... cure the Marquis de Sade... succeed, where countless physicians and priests have failed... Yes? -Yes? No one can fault Napoleon for merely bringing a man to his senses. -But here at the Hotel Dieu we favor an... aggressive... course of treatment. Quite. -Quite. I don't seek popularity or renown, Monsieur Delbenè. Mine is a higher mission. -Charenton? The administrator there is quite well-loved, is he not? I'm afraid so; he's an idealist. You'll have to be politic. -I'm afraid so; he's an idealist. You'll have to be politic. "Do you know how I define ""idealism,"" Monsieur Delbenè?" -"His wife was trying to escape; they caught her on the stair, and set upon her with bayonets. ""There but for the grace of God""... eh, Doctor?" I don't shed tears over the past, Monsieur Delbenè; I look to the future. -Here it is; the last chapter. Monsieur Masse says he'd like another manuscript, quick as you please. He's got himself three presses, and he can't print 'em fast enough. -Monsieur Masse says he'd like another manuscript, quick as you please. He's got himself three presses, and he can't print 'em fast enough. I'll pass the word on, then. -I'll pass the word on, then. I'll pay you another visit, with a share of the profits, once its sold. -I'll pay you another visit, with a share of the profits, once its sold. I'll be waiting. -I'll be waiting. Maybe someday you'll tell me your name. -You asked my name once; it's Madeleine. Sweet, then? Like the pastry? -At last she arrives, my hard-won bride! Hurry, my child, and scurry inside. There you'll find such treasures await you; Marzipan and meringue to sate you! Such gallantry in men is -- sadly -- a rarity; How lucky I am to receive his charity! -Quickly, my suckling, out of your clothes! My scepter awaits; how solid it grows! Stop, I beg you! Have pity, I say! You're not my lover; you're a monstrous rouè! -My darling, Eugenie, dainty morsel! Get on your back! Let's try it dorsal! Was ever a man more risquè? He wants to take me every way! -"I'll plunder every lovely pore until you're week and cry ""no more!""" I tremble with fear! You're bound to pound the quivering lips of my Venus mound! -I tremble with fear! You're bound to pound the quivering lips of my Venus mound! And then -- to prove your truly mine -- I'll plunder you, darling, from behind! -And then -- to prove your truly mine -- I'll plunder you, darling, from behind! What of my lips, will you soil them too? When you've broken every other taboo? -What of my lips, will you soil them too? When you've broken every other taboo? I'll fill every slippery hollow; if you're obliging, then you'll swallow! -If you won't read it to your own Mama, then perhaps you ought not to be reading it at all. It's not your cup of tea, Mama. -It's not your cup of tea, Mama. Come now, darling, give it a read. -"""A habituè of cemeteries, his proudest conquest was a maid six decades his senior, deceased a dozen years.""" Oh, it's terrible! It's too, too terrible! Well. Go on. -Oh, it's terrible! It's too, too terrible! Well. Go on. """The vigor with which he made love caused her bones to dislodge. Still, he granted her the highest compliment he accorded any woman...""" -"""The vigor with which he made love caused her bones to dislodge. Still, he granted her the highest compliment he accorded any woman...""" Yes? -Yes? """Well worth the dig!""" -I'm only a laundress; not a detective. Now's not the time to be cheeky, Maddy. -You're more than a priest; you're an angel! Ain't he, Maddy? It's because of the Marquis, isn't it? -I'm hungry for a proper visit. Don't start -- -Don't start -- Go ahead; you've a key. Slip it through my tiny hole... -Did I frighten you? You? Frighten me? That's a good one! I'm twice as fast as you are. Who'd have thought such a spent body can still boast such a fertile mind? -You? Frighten me? That's a good one! I'm twice as fast as you are. Who'd have thought such a spent body can still boast such a fertile mind? It's the only frontier I have left, plumcake. -It's the only frontier I have left, plumcake. I suppose you want to know about that silly book of yours. -The peril of composing such incendiary prose... I put myself at life and limb. Surely that's worth a few louis. -If only these coins purchased your other talents, too. There's something else I want from you. -There's something else I want from you. You've already stolen my heart, as well as another more prominent organ, south of the Equator... -You've already stolen my heart, as well as another more prominent organ, south of the Equator... Your publisher says I'm not to leave without a new manuscript. -Your publisher says I'm not to leave without a new manuscript. I've just the story... inspired by these very surroundings.... -The unhappy tale of a virginal laundry lass, the darling of the lower wards, where they entomb the criminally insane. Is it awfully violent? -Is it awfully violent? Most assuredly. -Most assuredly. Is it terribly erotic? -Is it terribly erotic? Fiendishly so. -A kiss for each page. Must I administer them directly, or might I blow them? -Must I administer them directly, or might I blow them? The price, my coquette, is every bit as firm as I am... -The price, my coquette, is every bit as firm as I am... Oh, you. You talk same as you write. -It's a long story, this one. The climax comes at a higher cost; you must sit on my lap. -The climax comes at a higher cost; you must sit on my lap. You demand a lot from your readers, you do. -The story's thrilling conclusion comes at a premium. What's that then? -What have they done to you now? Tortures so arcane, so medieval, even I haven't the words to describe them. If you've an ounce of pity in your heart, you'll throw caution aside, and unlock my door... -My newest book begins at my right cuff, continues across my back, and completes itself at the base of my left shoe... I don't believe it! -They've taken your clothes? They decreed me a savage, and now they have made me one. -Surely you've seen a man naked. It's only been described to me. In your books. -I must say, in your novels you stoke the most unrealistic expectations. You're far crueler than I, my sweet. -The Abbe's sending me away. He fears for me here, what with the likes of you -- Don't be fooled, Madeleine! He fears for himself. He's like a man starving, and you -- ha! -- you're like a pork chop dolloped with heavy cream -- -Don't be fooled, Madeleine! He fears for himself. He's like a man starving, and you -- ha! -- you're like a pork chop dolloped with heavy cream -- He's a man of God; he's true to his vows. -He's a man of God; he's true to his vows. First and foremost, he's a MAN. You remind him of that fact, and he resents you for it. -It needn't be; not if you've another story. How do you propose I write it? With dust, upon the air? -How do you propose I write it? With dust, upon the air? You could whisper it through the walls of your cell. -Yes; that's it! A final volley from us both! Go on, child. -Go on, child. Tomorrow night, whisper a new tale to your neighbor, Cleante. He'll whisper it to his neighbor Dauphin, who'll whisper it to his neighbor Franval -- -Tomorrow night, whisper a new tale to your neighbor, Cleante. He'll whisper it to his neighbor Dauphin, who'll whisper it to his neighbor Franval -- -- who'll whisper it to Bouchon -- --- who'll whisper it to Bouchon -- -- whose cell lies next to the linen cabinet! There, armed with a quill of my own, I'll commit it to paper! --- whose cell lies next to the linen cabinet! There, armed with a quill of my own, I'll commit it to paper! Yes! You shall. Of course you shall -- -Yes! You shall. Of course you shall -- A tale more horrible than all the rest combined! -A tale more horrible than all the rest combined! Something to make the angels weep, and the Saints to gasp for air... -...yes, I've got that bit... """What shall I ready?"" asked Fanchon. ""My mouth, my ass or my succulent oyster?""" -"""...your wife.""" Tell him I'm no fool. A prison's still a prison, even with Chinese silk and chandeliers. -Tell him I'm no fool. A prison's still a prison, even with Chinese silk and chandeliers. """By the time you read this, we'll be long gone; bound for England or points beyond...""" -"""By the time you read this, we'll be long gone; bound for England or points beyond...""" Tell him -- if he uncovers our whereabouts -- you'll slit your wrists with a razor, and I'll plunge a hat- pin through my heart. -Tell him -- if he uncovers our whereabouts -- you'll slit your wrists with a razor, and I'll plunge a hat- pin through my heart. You'd do that, rather than forsake our love? -You'd do that, rather than forsake our love? No. But tell him I would. -It is customary to write first, and request an appointment -- Desperation has driven me past etiquette, all the way to frenzy. -Desperation has driven me past etiquette, all the way to frenzy. My schedule is not subject to the whims of lunatics. -I beg to differ, Doctor. You work in a madhouse. Your every waking moment is governed by the insane. I pray you: be succinct. -I pray you: be succinct. You're new to Charenton, yes? Perhaps you're not yet familiar with my husband, and his unusual case. -You're new to Charenton, yes? Perhaps you're not yet familiar with my husband, and his unusual case. With all due respect, Madame, all France is familiar with your husband. Grant us a moment alone, won't you, Monsieur Prouix? -I assume you've come to plead for clemency on your husband's behalf. Oh you do, do you? It is my dearest hope, Doctor, that he remain entombed forever, and that when at last he perishes in the dank bowels of your institution, he be left as carrion for the rodents and the worms. -You're aware, are you not, that it costs a great deal to house your husband at Charenton... I pay his stipend every month, far more dutifully than I should. -I pay his stipend every month, far more dutifully than I should. That barely covers the cost of his room. There's nary a penny left over for appropriate treatments. Opiates to quell his temper. Restraints to chasten him when he misbehaves. -Perhaps if you were to buttress your entreaties with the means to oblige them... I am not a wealthy woman. -I am not a wealthy woman. But you've a pension, haven't you, from the sale of his books? -But you've a pension, haven't you, from the sale of his books? It's tainted money, Doctor. -It's tainted money, Doctor. What a beautiful thought, Marquise. -What a beautiful thought, Marquise. What thought is that? -What thought is that? That ill-gotten funds, borne of his degeneracy, might now effect his salvation. -If you're truly determined to step out of the shadow of your husband's celebrity -- Oh, but I am! -Oh, but I am! -- words alone are insufficient. --- words alone are insufficient. It's beyond perversity. That honor should carry a price tag... -Don't toy with me, Doctor. Now is the time to secure your epitaph. The benevolent Marquise, Charenton's most revered philanthropist... or Satan's Bride. -I am eternally in your debt. And I in yours. -And I in yours. Doctor... Can I impart to you his cruelest trick? -Doctor... Can I impart to you his cruelest trick? Of course. -Of course. Once... long ago... in the folly of youth... he made me love him. -Good God, Marquise -- I'm on the brink of bankruptcy; my husband's resources are all but exhausted. And to what end, I ask you? -This is neither the time nor the place -- If only you'd remained true to our contract! Opiates, for his nerves! Restraints! The man warrants a bed of nails -- -If only you'd remained true to our contract! Opiates, for his nerves! Restraints! The man warrants a bed of nails -- I can say, with the utmost sincerity, that every franc you've given me has been put to sterling use. -You've no right to assault me in this fashion; I'll call for my footman. I'll have you removed -- Am I a cursed woman, Doctor? Must I be betrayed by every man I meet -- -Public scorn carries a terrible sting. Trust me. I'm a woman who knows. It's libelous; you wouldn't dare. -It's libelous; you wouldn't dare. And why not? My fortune, siphoned away. My reputation, past repair. I've nothing left to lose. Silence my husband, or you'll come to know an infamy to rival his own. -Hm? Tell me. What other treats? ....shame on you, truly... -For fuck's sake, woman! BONBONS? I'm to sit here, gorging myself on useless trifles, sucking down your little sweetmeats, when what I truly need -- what I truly require -- are a few quill pens? Perhaps a pot of ink? Forgive me, I beg you -- -How was I to know, my darling? How was I to tell you? By writing a letter? WITH WHAT, MY ASININE BRIDE? -I beg you, Donatien... as your wife... your only ally... you must stop making such a monstrous spectacle of yourself. You've come to lecture me? -You've come to lecture me? To flaunt your deviance in public? Upon a stage? -To flaunt your deviance in public? Upon a stage? They've put you up to this, haven't they? -They've put you up to this, haven't they? You ought to court the Doctor's favor, not his contempt. -Everywhere I go, they point and whisper! At the opera, they hiss at me when I take my box. When I went to church... the priest refused to even hear my confession; he said I was already damned! Why must I suffer for your sins? It's the way of all martyrs, isn't it? -It's the way of all martyrs, isn't it? Give me back my anonymity, that's all I ask! Let me be invisible again! -Tell me; have you done anything to secure my release? NO! Have you petitioned the court? NEVER! Sought audience with the Emperor -- He refuses to be seen in my company! He blanches at the mention of your name -- -He refuses to be seen in my company! He blanches at the mention of your name -- It's a convenience, isn't it, having your husband locked away! You no longer have to hold your tongue, or hoist your skirts! Or crack your mouth, so I can put it to its one pleasurable use! YOU'RE NOT MY WIFE, NO! YOU'RE ONE AMONG MY MANY JAILERS, AREN'T YOU? -Leave at once -- But it's just begun -- -But it's just begun -- Do as I say. -Doesn't that please you? Very much. -Very much. I'd prefer to have our brandy in the salon. There we can sit... side-by- side... before the fire. -I'd prefer to have our brandy in the salon. There we can sit... side-by- side... before the fire. I'd rather read, thank-you. -I'd rather read, thank-you. You prefer a book to your husband's company? -Ever met Walter Winchell? No, when I was but a tender lad-- -No, when I was but a tender lad-- Last week would this be? -So you ever gonna do a picture? Not you too -Not you too It's gonna be fine, Orson. You're gonna do great. -It's gonna be fine, Orson. You're gonna do great. I wonder sometimes. -I wonder sometimes. You're just scared. -You're just scared. Am I? -Of being found out. Of not being a genius Oh, but haven't you heard? I'm the Boy Wonder. I've been a genius since the moment I was born. -Oh, but haven't you heard? I'm the Boy Wonder. I've been a genius since the moment I was born. We've known each other too long, Orson. Sling the bullshit elsewhere. -We've known each other too long, Orson. Sling the bullshit elsewhere. Carole, you wound me! As if I could hope to pacify you with evasions of-- -Carole, you wound me! As if I could hope to pacify you with evasions of-- Don't insult me with your cute press quotes Save it for Louella. -That poor woman. She knew what she was signing on for After all, she took the money. -And we would hear them scuttling around at night with their little red eyes and little yellow t-t- teeth and I'm just imagining plague lice jumpin' all over the damn place So we set t-t-traps everywhere. And every morning we would find the t-t-traps sprung but no mice! Houdini mice. -God, these parties are the worst You need to get outta here, Rapunzel -You need to get outta here, Rapunzel That's why he has the parties, he says it's like bringing the world to me. -That's why he has the parties, he says it's like bringing the world to me. Why don't you come down to LA? Stay with us for a while. -Why don't you come down to LA? Stay with us for a while. With about twenty of his spies on my tail. No thanks. -It's not so bad here. After all, what girl doesn't want to live in a castle? Mr. Welles certainly is a caution -Mr. Welles certainly is a caution Yeah, Orson's a real piece of work. But deep down, he's a good kid. Real deep down. -Yeah, Orson's a real piece of work. But deep down, he's a good kid. Real deep down. And attractive in a hammy sort of way. -And attractive in a hammy sort of way. Mm. -Listen, you come down and stay with us for a few days. Just tell the old man that-- I can't -I can't Sure you can, just-- -Sure you can, just-- He needs me here. -When I met him I was just 20. And he was 55. I saw the gold ring and just grabbed on. And he was going to make me a star. And he did. -I did my best but, well, you know me Sure -Sure Thing that bothers me now, though, looking back is that I really think I could have been something ... special. -Thing that bothers me now, though, looking back is that I really think I could have been something ... special. Thinking like that is only gonna drive you nuts You were a great star and you had a good run. That oughta be enough. -Thinking like that is only gonna drive you nuts You were a great star and you had a good run. That oughta be enough. Yeah. But all of a sudden it's not -Yeah. But all of a sudden it's not You know this CITIZEN KANE picture? About Pops and everything? -You know this CITIZEN KANE picture? About Pops and everything? Uh-huh -Uh-huh The character that's supposed to be me, Susan Alexander-- -The character that's supposed to be me, Susan Alexander-- Marion, everyone knows you're not like that-- -Marion, everyone knows you're not like that-- But I am That's the killer, honey. -Who are you, sir? My name is Orson Welles -My name is Orson Welles The actor -The actor And director. -And director. I see. And you are in California for what reason? -I see. And you are in California for what reason? To make pictures. -Well, I wish you luck. It is a treacherous business. So I've been told. -So I've been told. In Hollywood the fiercest bulls are the most brutally killed. -In Hollywood the fiercest bulls are the most brutally killed. I'll remember that. -I wonder. Do you have any idea what you have done? Do you? -Do you? Intimately. For every sin you have placed on my head I could give you a hundred others. I have been swimming in blood my entire life. But I retain a belief, perhaps you will think it old fashioned, undoubtedly you will, but I believe that private lives should not be public property. -Intimately. For every sin you have placed on my head I could give you a hundred others. I have been swimming in blood my entire life. But I retain a belief, perhaps you will think it old fashioned, undoubtedly you will, but I believe that private lives should not be public property. Elegant words, sir, when you have made your name and your fortune on slander and innuendo and gossip. In your papers you taught the world how to look under every rock. I learned at the knee of the master. -Elegant words, sir, when you have made your name and your fortune on slander and innuendo and gossip. In your papers you taught the world how to look under every rock. I learned at the knee of the master. So where does that leave us, Mr. Welles? What kind of sad future are we two making? A future where men will do anything to sell their newspapers and their movies? A future where no price is too high for fame and power? When we will all scratch each other to pieces just to be heard? -Louis Randolph! -Randolph! Hope you don't mind my popping in-- -Quite. And this is why I came to visit. Have you heard about this CITIZEN KANE picture? Over at RKO? -Mm. Not a very good picture I am told. Uh-hub. -Uh-hub. Apparently it details the exploits of a publisher like myself. Entirely too much like myself. Do you follow so far? -Apparently it details the exploits of a publisher like myself. Entirely too much like myself. Do you follow so far? Yeah -And maybe we could get Mr. Warner and Mr. Goldwyn and Mr. Cohn and Mr. Selznick to play as well. You know that can't happen. -You know that can't happen. Oh, why is that? -Oh, why is that? Why is that, Louis? -Why is that, Louis? Bel Air is restricted. -See what you can do about this CITIZEN KANE picture, won't you? Yeah -Goddamn it. I gotta have some kinda life! There's no call for that language- -There's no call for that language- There certainly is I There certainly is! Aw, to hell with you! -This is supposed ta be Siam or some such. Some kinda lousy B-B-Balinese temple. This look like a temple to you? I can't see it myself-- Darling, I talked to Millicent. -There. That's right. She's a Catholic. She says it would put her soul in peril. Divorce is a very serious sin, apparently. -She's a Catholic. She says it would put her soul in peril. Divorce is a very serious sin, apparently. Nuts. She only cares about the money. She thinks I'll make you cut her out of the w-w-w-w... will. -The Journal was pretty harsh to Roosevelt today. You oughta lay off him -- he is the p-p-president, after all. -You oughta lay off him -- he is the p-p-president, after all. He is a Bolshevik. He will have us at war by the end of the year. I think I'm going to run that wheelchair picture. -He is a Bolshevik. He will have us at war by the end of the year. I think I'm going to run that wheelchair picture. Don't -How bad is it? Nothing for you to worry about, darling -Nothing for you to worry about, darling Pops -The S.E.C. has turned down my request for relief on the debts. How much? -How much? It's not really-- -It's not really-- How much? -We're 125 million dollars in debt? Yes. -How does one get 125 million dollars in debt? One . . . buys things. -Well -- he got us, didn't he? She stands and goes quickly to pour a drink. A forced laugh Nailed us, hub? The crazy old man and his whore. -Nailed us, hub? The crazy old man and his whore. Marion-- -Marion-- Bought and p-p-paid for. Just like one of his goddamn statues. Well at least in the movie he married her! -Bought and p-p-paid for. Just like one of his goddamn statues. Well at least in the movie he married her! This picture-- -This picture-- I am not that woman. -Then you explain it to me?! There's nothing to explain -There's nothing to explain A million dollars a year on art and st-st-statues and there's nothing to explain?! -A million dollars a year on art and st-st-statues and there's nothing to explain?! I will not defend my life to you-- -I will not defend my life to you-- I'm not asking you to defend anything. But we're in a pickle and we gotta talk about it. -I'm not asking you to defend anything. But we're in a pickle and we gotta talk about it. "We are in no ""pickle"" -- as you would euphemistically have it." -"We are in no ""pickle"" -- as you would euphemistically have it." You gotta wake up now. Pops. -You gotta wake up now. Pops. There is nothing to discuss- -There is nothing to discuss- You don't have any money left, okay?! That's the truth. I don't wanna say it, nobody else will say it, but it's the truth. You spent it all. You can't buy the Tribune in Chicago -- you can't buy ^ g-g- goddamn thing. Now you better face up to it-- -You don't have any money left, okay?! That's the truth. I don't wanna say it, nobody else will say it, but it's the truth. You spent it all. You can't buy the Tribune in Chicago -- you can't buy ^ g-g- goddamn thing. Now you better face up to it-- You are being typically theatrical, Marion. I need the Tribune to-- -You are being typically theatrical, Marion. I need the Tribune to-- You don't need it! That's the problem you always think you need everything-- -That -- did you need that? How much did that cost? It's 12th Century. From Deauville -- in France. -It's 12th Century. From Deauville -- in France. I know where Deauville is for C-C-Christ's sake. -I know where Deauville is for C-C-Christ's sake. You needn't use that language with me -You needn't use that language with me Did you need it? Did you need any of it? -Did you need it? Did you need any of it? I wanted it -I wanted it There's a different between want and -There's a different between want and Not for me. -Not for me. But why? Just so you can show it all off -- just so everyone can see what a b-b-big man you are?! -That's right. You've captured me exactly. Goodnight. You will not walk out on me -You will not walk out on me You are repellant when you drink. -You are repellant when you drink. Tough shit. We need to t-t-talk about this-- -Tough shit. We need to t-t-talk about this-- You are slovenly and unattractive and I won't t-t-t-tolerate it. -Fuck you, Mr. Kane. I will not have this in my home. -I will not have this in my home. I just want to understand-- -I just want to understand-- No, you don't. You want to condemn me, like everyone else. You want to point to the pathetic, old man grown lunatic with his spending -- trapped in his ridiculous -No, you don't. You want to condemn me, like everyone else. You want to point to the pathetic, old man grown lunatic with his spending -- trapped in his ridiculous castle -- still fighting old battles he will never win with Pulitzer and Roosevelt and Hollywood-- -castle -- still fighting old battles he will never win with Pulitzer and Roosevelt and Hollywood-- I don't want you to-- -I don't want you to-- There is nothing to understand but this: I am a man who could have been great, but was not. -It's all you. It has the political campaigns and the mining fortune and the war with Pulitzer and the castle. And ... Marion. How so? -How so? The jigsaw puzzles and the, urn, career -- the man spending a fortune to make her a star -- only it's opera and not movies. And... -The jigsaw puzzles and the, urn, career -- the man spending a fortune to make her a star -- only it's opera and not movies. And... Yes? -Yes? The drinking. -Thank you for your time Thank you, sir. She begins to leave -Miss Parsons, I have one additional question for you. Sir? -Sir? Why did we not know about this sooner? -Why did we not know about this sooner? Sir? -Sir? I pay you a good deal of money to be my eyes and ears in Hollywood, do I not? If you cannot provide this simple service you are of no use to me. -I pay you a good deal of money to be my eyes and ears in Hollywood, do I not? If you cannot provide this simple service you are of no use to me. Sir, I- -Sir, I- Please be quiet. -He lied to me He looked into my face and told me it wasn't about you. -He looked into my face and told me it wasn't about you. And how do you feel when you are lied to? -I want blood Good. Retain that feeling. Let it nourish you from this day forth. It shall nourish us both -"""Well, if you got drunk to talk to me about Miss Alexander, don't bother. I'm not interested. I've set back the sacred cause of reform, is that it? All right, if that's the way they want it, the people have made their choice. It's obvious the people prefer Jim Gettys to me.""" """You talk about the people as if you owned them. As though they belonged to you. As long as I can remember, you've talked about--"" Orson, I am so goddamn tired--" -Keep filming. I can't remember the lines! -I can't remember the lines! Then make them up! You're drunk and you're angry. -This is the chance you've been waiting for, boy. Tell that son of a bitch just what you think of him! We're not all hopped up on benzedrine, Orson I Some of us humans need sleep! -You're not going to get another chance, boy! Look right at the monster and you tell him-- """You don't care about anything except you. You just want to persuade people that you" -"""You don't care about anything except you. You just want to persuade people that you" "love them so much that they ought to love you back. Only you want love on your own terms. """ -"love them so much that they ought to love you back. Only you want love on your own terms. """ """A toast then, Jedediah, to love on my own terms. Those are the only terms anybody ever knows, his own.""" -Tome it's a question of truth and illusion. Don't you get tired of the errant falsity in motion pictures? Huh? -Huh? What we are going to do is shoot life -- in all it's joyous complexity. -Now, Orson, you know I'm just dyin' to see your picture and I know it's gonna be boffo, but you're writing about a publisher, right? We're using- -We're using- You're not doin' Hearst, are you? -You're not doin' Hearst, are you? Good God no! The character is a delicious amalgamation of various press barons-- -Good God no! The character is a delicious amalgamation of various press barons-- A delicious amalgamation, is it? -That's right. A symphony of those: vaunted and valued tellers-of-truth. Those heroic minutemen standing sentry on our liberties-- Orson, hold on. Look into my eyes. Tell me you are not doing Hearst. -Orson, hold on. Look into my eyes. Tell me you are not doing Hearst. I am not doing Hearst. -Schaefer, I gotta see this Welles picture Louella, hello, I was just fixing a drink, would you like--? -Louella, hello, I was just fixing a drink, would you like--? You drink at 10 am, do you? -You drink at 10 am, do you? No -- no -- I mean-- -No -- no -- I mean-- I wanna see the picture today -I wanna see the picture today That might be a tad difficult because Orson is scoring the picture now and he's very particular about the music-- -That might be a tad difficult because Orson is scoring the picture now and he's very particular about the music-- Cut the malarkey, buddy. The boss himself wants me to see the picture today. -Cut the malarkey, buddy. The boss himself wants me to see the picture today. He personally asked you to? -He personally asked you to? That's right -Hearst? Uh-huh -That's right, fella, no Hearst paper will run an RKO ad until you agree that CITIZEN KANE will never see the light of day. Louella, please, be reasonable, I understand you have problems with Orson's picture but maybe we can work something out-- -Louella, please, be reasonable, I understand you have problems with Orson's picture but maybe we can work something out-- Nix, sweetie. You shelve it -Nix, sweetie. You shelve it Oh for God's sake, Louella- -Oh for God's sake, Louella- And Mr. Hearst has authorized me to tell you that you're looking at the most beautiful lawsuit in history if you release this picture. He'll bleed your little studio dry and you can all go on back to New York and do Shakespeare with the Boy Wonder. -And Mr. Hearst has authorized me to tell you that you're looking at the most beautiful lawsuit in history if you release this picture. He'll bleed your little studio dry and you can all go on back to New York and do Shakespeare with the Boy Wonder. Can I talk to Hearst? -Can I talk to Hearst? You are talking to him. -I don't know what you expected with Joseph- fucking-Conrad for Chrissake. I mean this is Hollywood, pal. All right! Enough! I've heard this from Schaefer and RKO. I've heard it from everyone-- -All right! Enough! I've heard this from Schaefer and RKO. I've heard it from everyone-- But you keep coming up with the same elitist crap - - HEART OF DARKNESS with a million dollar budget?! - - no one wants to see that. -But you keep coming up with the same elitist crap - - HEART OF DARKNESS with a million dollar budget?! - - no one wants to see that. Nonsense -What are movies about, Orson? Forget it- -Forget it- What are movies about? -What are movies about? Telling stories. -Telling stories. Nope. -Nope. Showing life -Showing life Who the hell wants to see life?! People are sick to death of life! They want make-believe, pal. Fantasy. They want Tarzan and Jane, not Tristan and Isolde. -Magic Butts on seats. That's what movies are about. You got one job in Hollywood -- everyone has the same job, in fact -- putting the butts on the seats. You gotta sell 'em popcorn and Pepsi- cola. It's all about popcorn and Pepsi-cola. -Butts on seats. That's what movies are about. You got one job in Hollywood -- everyone has the same job, in fact -- putting the butts on the seats. You gotta sell 'em popcorn and Pepsi- cola. It's all about popcorn and Pepsi-cola. Not for me. -Not for me. Then you better get ready to be the youngest never- was in Hollywood history. -Then you better get ready to be the youngest never- was in Hollywood history. That's better than being the oldest has-been in Hollywood history. -That's better than being the oldest has-been in Hollywood history. You're a laugh-riot, kid. -So, we've got to come up with our movie. Our biography. Right- -Right- We find the man and then we dissect him- -We find the man and then we dissect him- Like a bug. -Like a bug. But with compassion and insight-- -But with compassion and insight-- Christ, we gotta go! The old man doesn't cotton to lateness. -How about Howard Hughes? We could do Hughes I'm not fucking with Hughes. That shit-kicker would kill us dead, baby. Just like Jean Harlow -I'm not fucking with Hughes. That shit-kicker would kill us dead, baby. Just like Jean Harlow Howard Hughes killed Jean Harlow? -Howard Hughes killed Jean Harlow? Sure. Dropped her out of his Lockheed over Utah -Sigmund Freud? Kid, you just got your ass kicked on Joseph Conrad and now you're gonna go to Schaefer and tell him you wanna do the id and the superego? Stop being so goddamn smart. -Manolete?! Who the hell's Manolete? -Who the hell's Manolete? The great Spanish bullfighter -The great Spanish bullfighter I don't wanna write about no spic. -I don't wanna write about no spic. No, it's perfect! When in doubt, put on a cape! False noses and faux beards and flowing capes have been the life-blood of the actor's craft since the days of lrving and Booth. Imagine me in a glittering suit of lights on the dusky Andalusian plains-- -The man doesn't allow drinking or cigars? This is monstrous. The old man has his own way of doing things -The old man has his own way of doing things He's nothing but a hypocrite. He preaches morality every day in his sordid little papers for everyone else in the world but he lives openly with his mistress. -Look at those hands. Those are the hands of an artist. A modern Caravaggio. No, baby, those are the hands of a killer -"""In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree. . . ""How big is it, all told? The estate?" The whole joint is half the size of Rhode Island. -The whole joint is half the size of Rhode Island. Jesus -Jesus Yeah, it's the place God would have built, if he'd had the money. -Mank! You scoundrel! What took you so long?! Orson, please ... it's too bright -Here you are, up with the birds for once, you vampire! Okay, boy wonder, what? -Okay, boy wonder, what? Listen ... I've got it! It came to me like a thief in the night! Pure inspiration! Total magnificence! -Oh for Christ's sake- I know who we're going to get I The great American biography! A journey into the soul of the beast. -I know who we're going to get I The great American biography! A journey into the soul of the beast. This better be good -This better be good Image a man that has shaped his time. A titanic figure of limitless influence. Think about empire. A man with an empire at his feet. A man, like a baron, living in a palace, a glorious palace on a hill, and controlling the permutations of everyone beneath him. Feudal. -Image a man that has shaped his time. A titanic figure of limitless influence. Think about empire. A man with an empire at his feet. A man, like a baron, living in a palace, a glorious palace on a hill, and controlling the permutations of everyone beneath him. Feudal. Oh Christ... -Oh Christ... Image the possibilities as this man controls the public perception of the nation through his-- -Image the possibilities as this man controls the public perception of the nation through his-- Oh Christ -Yes. Please don't say this. -Please don't say this. Mank- -Mank- Don't whisper it. Don't even think it -Don't whisper it. Don't even think it How long have we spent casting our minds about the world when the answer to our prayers was right here under our noses -- every single day in the newspapers and on the radio -- waiting for us in that ridiculous castle! Waiting for--! -How long have we spent casting our minds about the world when the answer to our prayers was right here under our noses -- every single day in the newspapers and on the radio -- waiting for us in that ridiculous castle! Waiting for--! Orson. Stop. Just stop -Now remember he's a public figure who sought out that publicity so legally he can't stop us from-- Listen to you. You child! Men like him don't bother with things like legality. They don't have to. You know why, boy-o? Power. Power like you couldn't even begin to imagine. -Listen to you. You child! Men like him don't bother with things like legality. They don't have to. You know why, boy-o? Power. Power like you couldn't even begin to imagine. Howard Hughes, he would just kill us. Hearst he would kill us and fuck everything we ever loved. -Howard Hughes, he would just kill us. Hearst he would kill us and fuck everything we ever loved. We're doing Hearst. -You may think you know what you're talking about, kid, but believe me, you don't. You're talking about going into a battle you can never win on a battlefield so far above things like movies and Hollywood that Hearst won't even have to glance down when he crushes you. When he flicks you away with one finger. I'm talking about money and influence and evil beyond your capacity to imagine Hell. So speaks the court jester. -So speaks the court jester. Fuck you -Fuck you I expected more from you. -I expected more from you. Sorry to disappoint. -Sorry to disappoint. How does it feel, Mank? Going up to the palace and making all the lords and ladies laugh as you tell your little stories and beg for crumbs at the table? How does it feel being the ugly little monkey they keep to amuse themselves--?! -I remember a man who wrote I He was a brilliant writer who dazzled me time and time again with his wit and insight-- Don't do this -Don't do this Where did he go? He hasn't had a screen credit in four years-- -Where did he go? He hasn't had a screen credit in four years-- Don't do this -Don't do this --Because he has been so furiously busy wasting himself. Amusing his keepers. Because he is a sycophant! Because he has been thrown out of every studio in Hollywood and no one will hire him because he's a drunk- -! -Let me out. Listen to me- -Listen to me- Fuck you-- -Fuck you-- I am giving you the last chance you will ever have to be yourself again! -I am giving you the last chance you will ever have to be yourself again! I don't have it anymore?! -I don't have it anymore?! When I was a kid I wanted to scorch the world too - - I had all kinda dreams about making great pictures and telling great stories. But all that's finished for me-- -When I was a kid I wanted to scorch the world too - - I had all kinda dreams about making great pictures and telling great stories. But all that's finished for me-- It doesn't have to be -It doesn't have to be And yeah, sure, Hearst's a great subject. Been keeping notes on him for years for my ... great American novel. But I can't do it anymore. No studio's gonna hire me and I - - -And yeah, sure, Hearst's a great subject. Been keeping notes on him for years for my ... great American novel. But I can't do it anymore. No studio's gonna hire me and I - - I'll hire you -- right now- -I'll hire you -- right now- I can't do it. okay?! I drink too much -- I drink all the fucking time and I don't have it anymore. All that is over for me-- -I can't do it. okay?! I drink too much -- I drink all the fucking time and I don't have it anymore. All that is over for me-- NOT UNLESS I. TELL YOU IT IS -He'll destroy us. Then let him. What have we got to lose, you and I? -So, who is he? We have to know him. Everyone sees someone different. That's what we show. -Everyone sees someone different. That's what we show. How? -How? Like a jewel. Turn it in the light and a different facet is illuminated. -The key -- the key -- the clue -- what does this man recall on his death bed? Okay, Mank, you're dying. What's the last image that comes to you? Right now. This girl on a dock. White dress. Never said a word to her. -This girl on a dock. White dress. Never said a word to her. Why her? -Why her? She was . . . innocent -All men love. But men like Hearst -- they don't bother with convention because-- They don't have to. -They don't have to. He loves in his own way. On his conditions. Because those are the only conditions he has ever known. -Hearst looks down at the world at his feet Everything has always been beneath him. And what does he see? -And what does he see? The people. When they pay him homage, he adores them. But when they have the ... audacity to question him. To doubt him. To embarrass him. Then he despises them. -The people. When they pay him homage, he adores them. But when they have the ... audacity to question him. To doubt him. To embarrass him. Then he despises them. And when he looks up? What does he dream about? -It's 350 pages long. Yeah, but the margins are real wide. -Yeah, but the margins are real wide. It is 350 pages of ... ABSOLUTE INSPIRATION! -It's good, huh? Good?! Good?! Words fail you at last! It's terrific! Now I'll have to do some shaping, of course, and some of the scenes aren't exactly . . . exactly . . . -Good?! Good?! Words fail you at last! It's terrific! Now I'll have to do some shaping, of course, and some of the scenes aren't exactly . . . exactly . . . What? -What? Short enough. But this is a grand start And I think we need to change the name. -Short enough. But this is a grand start And I think we need to change the name. The title? -The title? "No, AMERICAN is a blessed title directly sent from God's soul to your mind. We shall never change that! I mean the name of the publisher. Charles Foster Craig doesn't have the knives-out poetry I need. I was thinking about ""Kane"" -- you like that?" -"No, AMERICAN is a blessed title directly sent from God's soul to your mind. We shall never change that! I mean the name of the publisher. Charles Foster Craig doesn't have the knives-out poetry I need. I was thinking about ""Kane"" -- you like that?" Cain -- like the Bible guy? -Cain -- like the Bible guy? K-A-N-E. One strong syllable. Kane I -K-A-N-E. One strong syllable. Kane I Craig is one syllable -Craig is one syllable But it's not a great syllable -I --um-- I don't know if I should. I ain't been drinking since I started on this-- To my invaluable comrade Drink up! -Jesus Christ -- YOU CAN'T DO THIS TOME -- THIS WAS OUR STORY, REMEMBER? -- YOU AND ME AND GODDAMN EVERYONE ELSE - - REMEMBER THAT?! -And I'm looking at them -- and they're all looking at me and I don't know who should pour the tea. ' Uh huh. -Uh huh. I just can't . . see it anymore -I want you back Fuck you. You wanted me out. I'm out. -Fuck you. You wanted me out. I'm out. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. I don't care. -Did I ever tell you about my father? I don't give a shit about- -I don't give a shit about- He was a drunk. And he was my father and I was ashamed of him. -Hey, kid. Gregg. Mank, sit down. You missed the opening of the new picture but I'll go back-- -Mank, sit down. You missed the opening of the new picture but I'll go back-- No, you gotta hear this- -"No, but I can imagine. What am I today? A ""puny upstart"" or a ""spoiled dilettante"" -- no, she wouldn't know how to spell that" """And how is the country to feel when this industry continues to employ bedraggled foreigners and swarthy refugees instead of real Americans? Doesn't Hollywood know there's a Depression on? Don't real Americans deserve work?""" -"""And how is the country to feel when this industry continues to employ bedraggled foreigners and swarthy refugees instead of real Americans? Doesn't Hollywood know there's a Depression on? Don't real Americans deserve work?""" Well, at least she's off KANE today -Well, at least she's off KANE today "No she's not. Don't you get it, ya lunk? She's using code language to the studio bosses. ""Bedraggled foreigners and swarthy refugees"" -- who the hell do you think she's talking about?" -"No she's not. Don't you get it, ya lunk? She's using code language to the studio bosses. ""Bedraggled foreigners and swarthy refugees"" -- who the hell do you think she's talking about?" Hedy Lamarr? -Hedy Lamarr? Jews. She's talking about Jews. -"Who owns this town? Who runs every goddamn studio? The tribe, baby. These fuckers hear the word ""Jew"" and they start sweating. Like Ester Williams' pool they start sweating." So they're Jews. . . -So they're Jews. . . This is just the first shot. Maestro. Sooner or later she's gonna use the word. And all those boys know that there is only one thing this country hates more than the coloreds and that's the Jews. -This is just the first shot. Maestro. Sooner or later she's gonna use the word. And all those boys know that there is only one thing this country hates more than the coloreds and that's the Jews. Christ. -Christ. Me, I'm proud to be a Jew, I got no problem. You don't like it, fuck you. But with these guys it's like a dirty word. All they wanna be is good red- white-and-blue Americans, and the way they see it you can't be a good American and a Jew. So Sam Goldfish becomes Sam Goldwyn and David Selznick becomes David 0. Selznick -- like anyone's gonna think he's Irish for fuck's sake-- -Me, I'm proud to be a Jew, I got no problem. You don't like it, fuck you. But with these guys it's like a dirty word. All they wanna be is good red- white-and-blue Americans, and the way they see it you can't be a good American and a Jew. So Sam Goldfish becomes Sam Goldwyn and David Selznick becomes David 0. Selznick -- like anyone's gonna think he's Irish for fuck's sake-- What does this have to do with--? -What does this have to do with--? Believe you me, they're gonna do anything -- and I mean absolutely anything -- to stop that word from gettin' out. -Believe you me, they're gonna do anything -- and I mean absolutely anything -- to stop that word from gettin' out. What?! Are they going to kill me? Is that what they're going to do?! -If he had known about KANE before you made it, you'd be dead already. It's too late. The movie's made -It's too late. The movie's made They won't let it out. Not Hearst. Not the other studio heads-- -They won't let it out. Not Hearst. Not the other studio heads-- You wrote the damn thing, Mank Aren't you going to fight for it?! -You wrote the damn thing, Mank Aren't you going to fight for it?! I told you this was going to happen! I told you he was going to come after us! So we took the chance anyway and we lost. That's how it goes, okay? I got my check, kid, and so did you -- and that's what it's all about -- so fuck it and move on. -Is that from one of the Gospels? Kinda. -YOU STUPID, LITTLE MAN! HOW COULD YOU HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN?! I GAVE YOU MY SOUL AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO SELL IT!? This ain't George's doing--! -You gonna watch? Hell, I know how it ends. Hey, Rosebud's the sled! -Hell, I know how it ends. Hey, Rosebud's the sled! Mank! -Mank! Face it, Orson, they're gonna hate it. I told you, not enough closeups and too many scenes with a bunch of New York actors. -Shit George... -What have I done? Aw, cheer up, George'll probably be running Fox by the morning. Let's get a drink. -You know, all this nightmare we went through with Hearst. The whole thing... And in the end, probably no one will ever remember the picture anyway. Yeah, you're probably right. -He truly doesn't care if he ever works again. Yeah, ain't it swell? -They came to me with an offer. 800,000 for the negative and all the prints. And they went to the stockholders in New York. -And they went to the stockholders in New York. Oh God. -Oh God. I been talking to Swanbeck in New York and... Orson, I think they're gonna take it A long pause as Welles looks at Schaefer -Monstro! Ran into Walter Winchell outside He wants to play Herod in the picture. Hiya, George. Herman. -Herman. So ain't this just the bee's knees? The high muckey-mucks dolled up all Aztec-like for the human sacrifice. -May I help you? I, um, need an estimate on some jewelry I might wish to sell. But d-d-discretion is very important to me b-b-because I don't want anyone t-t-to, um, know that-- -I, um, need an estimate on some jewelry I might wish to sell. But d-d-discretion is very important to me b-b-because I don't want anyone t-t-to, um, know that-- Excuse me, I hope this isn't rude, but aren't you Marion Davies? -Excuse me, I hope this isn't rude, but aren't you Marion Davies? Yes. -Yes. Well, this is a great pleasure. Miss Davies! I just saw that ENCHANTMENT is playing at a the Tivoli, the revival house in Santa Monica. That was a fine picture! -Well, this is a great pleasure. Miss Davies! I just saw that ENCHANTMENT is playing at a the Tivoli, the revival house in Santa Monica. That was a fine picture! Thank you- -Thank you- Not one of them today has what you had, Miss Davies. Not one of them. -Not one of them today has what you had, Miss Davies. Not one of them. Thank you -- b-b-but I'd really like t-t-to-- -Thank you -- b-b-but I'd really like t-t-to-- Of course, of course. How can we be of service? -Of course, of course. How can we be of service? As I said I have some j-j-j-j- that I might wish t-t-to sell and I wanted an estimate-- -As I said I have some j-j-j-j- that I might wish t-t-to sell and I wanted an estimate-- Surely My pleasure, Miss Davies.. -It came. 800,000 dollars fully covers the production budget and a little more. Hell, George, you even make a profit on the deal. -800,000 dollars fully covers the production budget and a little more. Hell, George, you even make a profit on the deal. Very generous -Very generous And we gotta be clear here. I need the negative and every existing print. -And we gotta be clear here. I need the negative and every existing print. To do what? -To do what? That's for me to decide. -That's for me to decide. You're going to destroy it -You're going to destroy it No, maybe put it on the shelf until the old man kicks it. -No, maybe put it on the shelf until the old man kicks it. You're lying to me. -You're lying to me. We already made the same offer to the stockholders. -You talked to New York? Yes -Yes You talked to Mr. Swanbeck? -Yes Get out -Get out You're bettin' on an inside straight this time. You'll never pull it off. -You're bettin' on an inside straight this time. You'll never pull it off. Get out. -"""Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud." Again. -"""Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud." Again. -"""Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud." Again -"""Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud.""" Again -"""Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud" Again -It's an awful title, of course, but I can't think of anything better. Someone came up with A SEA OF UPTURNED FACES -- which has a nice, grand ring to it -- and I thought of JOHN CITIZEN, USA but that strikes me as a bit Warner Brothers. Or, God forbid, Capraesque. I suppose AMERICAN will do for now but-- CITIZEN KANE -CITIZEN KANE Pardon? -Pardon? CITIZEN KANE There's your title. -"A ""Z"" and a ""K"" in the title. That would draw the eye. For the poster. I like that THE PRISONER OF ZENDA had a ""Z"" and a ""P"" and that worked--" Now look, Orson, let's not get ahead of ourselves. The budget projections on this-- -Now look, Orson, let's not get ahead of ourselves. The budget projections on this-- I know, I know! But what more can you expect of me?! I have pared this story down to the marrow to save money but to cut more would be to--! -I know, I know! But what more can you expect of me?! I have pared this story down to the marrow to save money but to cut more would be to--! Listen, get off your horse with me. You know I've stuck by you since the beginning of time it seems like, while the stockholders in New York were ready to cut and run and everyone else in Hollywood was set to toss me in a rubber room. But your contract stipulates a max budget of 500 thousand. This one's gonna come in at 750 thousand. What do we do about that? -Now don't have a fit -- but I want you to think again about doing WAR OF THE WORLDS- Jesus -Jesus Do WAR OF THE WORLDS as a feature and everyone's happy. You make some money and New York's happy and you have a track record and then we'll move on to KANE. -Do WAR OF THE WORLDS as a feature and everyone's happy. You make some money and New York's happy and you have a track record and then we'll move on to KANE. Please don't ask me to do this. -Please don't ask me to do this. It's the safe bet, Orson. There's nothing wrong with that. -For the title Ah, it's a grand title. -This is an abomination There's no music and-- They've all seen a rough cut -They've all seen a rough cut The magazines are one thing -- but Hedda! Why did we have to let her come?! -The magazines are one thing -- but Hedda! Why did we have to let her come?! "When Hedda says ""I'm coming"" you mix a lot of martinis and you pray." -And this is the evening edition. Notice anything? The ad.. -What do you want me to do, Orson? Radio City won't premiere the picture. Louella threatened them with some bullshit about Then find another theater -Then find another theater You don't think I've tried? No one is willing to open the picture -You don't think I've tried? No one is willing to open the picture Then we'll open it in Detroit or Dallas or Kalamazoo for God's sake! We'll show it in goddamn circus tents and--! -Listen to me. The press ban is killing us and the distributors won't book it. And meantime I'm dealing with the stockholders in New York who are scared shitless -- and I'm this far from getting fired myself -- and you don't have a friend in the world but me right now. So you have got to trust that I'll do what I can to-- """Do what you can""?! That's not good enough I" -"""Do what you can""?! That's not good enough I" Well it' s all you've got ! -Well it' s all you've got ! You're with them, aren't you? You're going to bury my movie. They bought you! -You're with them, aren't you? You're going to bury my movie. They bought you! For Christ's sake, shut up-- -For Christ's sake, shut up-- Why don't you just have the guts to admit it -Why don't you just have the guts to admit it How dare you talk to me like that! Do you think I'm like all the rest of those pirates?! Like Mayer and Warner? Is that what you think--?! -How dare you talk to me like that! Do you think I'm like all the rest of those pirates?! Like Mayer and Warner? Is that what you think--?! It's just that my movie is so- -It's just that my movie is so- """Your movie"" -- I am so sick of that! It's your movie -- but it's his life! Did you ever think about that?! Did you ever think about that old man and Marion having to watch as you tore them apart?!" -Do you every think for one second that you might have some responsibility for what you're doing?! For cutting and slashing everything in your way so you can have your goddamn movie?! That soulless monster gets no tears from me. -That soulless monster gets no tears from me. Who the fuck are you trying to kid? You are that soulless monster. -This isn' t some kinda fucking game! You know how many people RKO employs?! You know how many people depend on what we do for a living?! I really think you're -I really think you're You wanna commit suicide, fine! You got some death- wish, fine! But you will not drag this company down with you! -You wanna commit suicide, fine! You got some death- wish, fine! But you will not drag this company down with you! It was a -joke, George -You're not still mad at me, I hope No, we're jake. But listen- -No, we're jake. But listen- Look, not a single scene shot in the studio! We've found natural locations for the whole story-- -Look, not a single scene shot in the studio! We've found natural locations for the whole story-- Hold on a sec. I got news. We finally found somewhere to premiere KANE but-- -Hold on a sec. I got news. We finally found somewhere to premiere KANE but-- I told you! Where? Grauman's? El Capitan? Or did Radio City come crawling back? -I told you! Where? Grauman's? El Capitan? Or did Radio City come crawling back? The Palace in New York. But Orson there's something else. -I think you better sit down I don't want to sit -It's my birthday this week. I'll be 26. Happy birthday. -Oh God. . . Relax, George. It's gonna go great. Trust me. Have I ever lied to you? -You know something, Orson, you haven't done anything but lie to me from the moment we met. But, ya know, I'd do it again in a second. It was fun, wasn't it? -It was fun, wasn't it? It was the best, kid -It was the best, kid So, on to the Life Of Christ! -So, on to the Life Of Christ! Without me. I'm afraid. I got the axe this morning. -Orson, you wanna take five? Five...? Yes. No. We're done today -It's just not low enough. This is the scene. We have to look up at these two man as pillars soaring to the sky. As towering virtues in combat-- Spare me the aria, I know what you want-- -Spare me the aria, I know what you want-- I need my shoes in total focus right here and also Joe back there--! -I need my shoes in total focus right here and also Joe back there--! I know what you want but it can't be done! -I know what you want but it can't be done! Take apart the fucking camera rig -- we could get a few more inches down and then tilt up-- -Take apart the fucking camera rig -- we could get a few more inches down and then tilt up-- Orson -- we can't get the fucking camera any fucking lower so find another fucking shot! -How 'bout a real drink? We done? -We done? Yeah. -Oh, no-- Yes! -Yes! He's Christ? -He's Christ? I'm Christ -I'm Christ You want to do the life of Jesus? -You want to do the life of Jesus? Yes! Vibrant and modern and stark like a Picasso sketch drawn to flashes of lightning I We shoot the whole thing in the gallant American West-- -Let's go, Jake, wake up! Huh? Whadda ya mean, get up? -Huh? Whadda ya mean, get up? We're from... -We're from... I know where you're from. You guys look the same every place. -I know where you're from. You guys look the same every place. They wanna talk to you. -They wanna talk to you. About what? -About what? I don't run the joint. They just told me to bring you in. -I don't run the joint. They just told me to bring you in. For what? -Hey champ! Tommy, thanks for coming over. -Tommy, thanks for coming over. You just take it easy, now. You'll do all right. Feelin' Ok? -You just take it easy, now. You'll do all right. Feelin' Ok? I'm Ok. -I'm Ok. Just come by to wish you luck. Need anything? -Just come by to wish you luck. Need anything? No, we're all right. Thanks anyway, Tommy. -No, we're all right. Thanks anyway, Tommy. Ok, champ. -All right. I don't have to hear any more. I think I understand what happened. I understand it was your brother's wife and there was probably a misunderstanding. I'm not sayin' Salvy shouldn't have acted the way he did. But, Joey, you don't raise your hands. You don't do that kind of thing. This time we forget about it but no more after this. You understand? Yeah, I understand, Tommy. -Yeah, I understand, Tommy. All right, you guys, shake hands. -Aside from everything else, your family all right? Yeah, they're good. They're good, Tommy. -Yeah, they're good. They're good, Tommy. What is it with you? Can't you talk? You got like a funny attitude. I can't figure you out, Joey. What's with you and the quick answers? You wanna get outa here fast? -What is it with you? Can't you talk? You got like a funny attitude. I can't figure you out, Joey. What's with you and the quick answers? You wanna get outa here fast? Aw, Tommy, c'mon, it ain't that. -Aw, Tommy, c'mon, it ain't that. Look Joey, I wanna tell you something. Your brother ain't gonna get nowhere without us -- nowhere. And I'm tellin' you between the two of us, it's gettin' to the point where it's gettin' to be a real embarrassment to me, a real embarrassment. -Look Joey, I wanna tell you something. Your brother ain't gonna get nowhere without us -- nowhere. And I'm tellin' you between the two of us, it's gettin' to the point where it's gettin' to be a real embarrassment to me, a real embarrassment. How can he embarrass you? -How can he embarrass you? He's an embarrassment because Frankie and the other guys are expectin' me to do something about it, and I'm lookin' very bad. I can't deliver a kid from my own neighborhood. Why's he make it so hard on himself? He comes to me, I can make it easier for him. -He's an embarrassment because Frankie and the other guys are expectin' me to do something about it, and I'm lookin' very bad. I can't deliver a kid from my own neighborhood. Why's he make it so hard on himself? He comes to me, I can make it easier for him. Tommy, Jake respects you. He won't even say hello to anybody else -- you know that. But you know when Jake gets set on somethin', Jesus Christ Almighty could get off the fuckin' cross and he ain't gonna talk him out of it. I'm his kid brother. I got no say with Jake on this. He thinks he can buck everybody and make it on his own. -Tommy, Jake respects you. He won't even say hello to anybody else -- you know that. But you know when Jake gets set on somethin', Jesus Christ Almighty could get off the fuckin' cross and he ain't gonna talk him out of it. I'm his kid brother. I got no say with Jake on this. He thinks he can buck everybody and make it on his own. Make it on his own? Does he know the kind of money involved? I mean the real money. He thinks he's gonna become champ on his own? We're gonna sit by and see some nut come in there and hold one of the most important titles in the world? A nut who don't listen to nobody or respect nobody? Is he really crazy? Listen, Joey, you understand, you tell him. I don't care how great he is or how colorful. He could beat all the Sugar Ray Robinsons and all the Janiros he wants to. He ain't gonna get a shot at the title without us. I'm not askin' you to do another thing except get that message into that thick head! -What's up, Colonel? I'd like to talk to Jake a minute. -What who's been sayin'? You were a big favorite in this fight. Then two days ago the odds start jumping all over the place until you're a 12-5 underdog. -You were a big favorite in this fight. Then two days ago the odds start jumping all over the place until you're a 12-5 underdog. I don't follow no gamblin' Commissioner. I'm just a fighter. -I don't follow no gamblin' Commissioner. I'm just a fighter. Now the fight's off the books altogether. Meyer Lansky couldn't get a bet down on this fight. Some people are saying you're going into the tank. -Now the fight's off the books altogether. Meyer Lansky couldn't get a bet down on this fight. Some people are saying you're going into the tank. Believe what you want. -Believe what you want. I want to believe you, LaMotta. -I want to believe you, LaMotta. I'm gonna kill him. That fuckin' jig's gonna wish he never came outa the jungle. You got any money? -I'm gonna kill him. That fuckin' jig's gonna wish he never came outa the jungle. You got any money? What? -What? You got any money you want to bet on Billy Fox, you can put it right here... 'cause Jake LaMotta don't go down for nobody. -This looks done. It's not done. -It's not done. It looks done. I'll take it the way it is. -It looks done. I'll take it the way it is. Here's your steak. You can't wait for it to be done. Here. -Here's your carrots. You're in such a hurry. You can't wait. No, I can't wait. You know when I wait? When it's important to wait. It's not important to wait for no steak. It's important to wait for Reeves to leave the ring. It ain't important to wait for no steak! I won that fight. So, I stayed in the ring, and that way I made sure everybody knew it. I shoulda knocked him out earlier, sonofabitch. -Where you going at this hour? What're you, a cop? I'm goin' out -- business. -What're you, a cop? I'm goin' out -- business. You fuckin' worm, if you're going out, I'm going out. -You fuckin' worm, if you're going out, I'm going out. And where you goin'? -And where you goin'? None of your fuckin' business. -J.R., glad you could make it. You were great, Jake. Just like old times. Good thing Sugar Ray wasn't here tonight. Oh Jake, this is State's Attorney Bronson and his wife. -You're a good sport, lady. I saw you fight Bob Satterfield in '46, Jake. In Chicago. You were great. -I saw you fight Bob Satterfield in '46, Jake. In Chicago. You were great. Yeah, I really cleaned up on him. -Yeah, I really cleaned up on him. Where's your wife, Jake? -Where's your wife, Jake? Do you think I'd let her in a place like this with guys like you hangin' around? -What's wrong? Nothing... -Hey, c'mon, what's the matter? I ain't ever gonna fight Joe Louis, that's what's the matter. -I ain't ever gonna fight Joe Louis, that's what's the matter. What're you talking about? He's a heavyweight. You're a middleweight. -That's what I'm sayin'. You shouldn't even think like that. It's crazy. I tell you one thing. Ok, I'll never be big enough to fight Louis, but I know Joey, I know... -I tell you one thing. Ok, I'll never be big enough to fight Louis, but I know Joey, I know... You know? -You know? Yeah. Do me a favor. -Yeah. Do me a favor. Sure. What is it? -Sure. What is it? Hit me in the face. -Hit me in the face. You want me to do what? -You want me to do what? You heard me, I said hit me. -You heard me, I said hit me. C'mon, Jack. You had a few drinks. -C'mon, Jack. You had a few drinks. Go ahead. I ain't drunk. Take your best shot. On the jaw. -Go ahead. I ain't drunk. Take your best shot. On the jaw. Jack, I got no gloves. -Jack, I got no gloves. Here's your glove. -Harder. Take the towel off. Jack! Enough! -Jack! Enough! Go ahead. -What was that for? I know you can take punches. I can hit you from now to doomsday. What the fuck does that prove? See that, I don't feel it. I can take it. I know I can take anybody. -Answer me when I talk to you. Yeah, yeah. They just wanted to talk to you. So I... -Yeah, yeah. They just wanted to talk to you. So I... Don't ever bring those kids up here again! I'm working out, I'm killin' myself in here, and they walk around like they fuckin' own the neighborhood. -And that hard-on, Salvy. Who's he think he is? I'm gonna let that fuckin' hard-on come up here and act like a big shot. What are you getting so hot about -- Tommy Como told him to come down here... -What are you getting so hot about -- Tommy Como told him to come down here... Hey, I don't care about Tommy Como. I don't care about Jesus Christ on the fuckin' cross. I gotta give them a percentage of what I make! I'm in here breaking my ass, not them. Don't ever bring them up here again. -Hey, I don't care about Tommy Como. I don't care about Jesus Christ on the fuckin' cross. I gotta give them a percentage of what I make! I'm in here breaking my ass, not them. Don't ever bring them up here again. I didn't tell them to come. Tommy Como... -Who's that? Whadda you care? -Whadda you care? Whadda ya mean, whadda I care? Who is she? What's a matter? You afraid I'm gonna take her on you? -Whadda ya mean, whadda I care? Who is she? What's a matter? You afraid I'm gonna take her on you? No, I'm not afraid. Why? You wanna meet her? -No, I'm not afraid. Why? You wanna meet her? Yeah -- -Yeah -- Cause I'll go right over there and bring her here. -Cause I'll go right over there and bring her here. Go 'head. -Go 'head. You sure you wanna meet her? Don't make me go over there, you change your mind and you make me look bad, cause she's really a knockout. She's 15, this kid -- a great piece of ass. -You sure you wanna meet her? Don't make me go over there, you change your mind and you make me look bad, cause she's really a knockout. She's 15, this kid -- a great piece of ass. How do you know? You know her that good? -How do you know? You know her that good? No, I see her around the pool. I know her. I know her like that -- not like that. -No, I see her around the pool. I know her. I know her like that -- not like that. Nah, not now... I wanna wait. I don't feel right... -I'm tellin' you, she'll be there, I know she'll be there. 'Cause I wanna catch her alone. -'Cause I wanna catch her alone. How you gonna catch anybody alone at a dance?... I don't know if she'll be there alone... She'll probably be there with her girlfriends or something. -How you gonna catch anybody alone at a dance?... I don't know if she'll be there alone... She'll probably be there with her girlfriends or something. She ever go with them? Like Salvy? -She ever go with them? Like Salvy? Nah, she don't go with nobody. She's only 15 years old. -Nah, she don't go with nobody. She's only 15 years old. What does that have to do with it? She don't look 15 to me. I heard somethin' with Salvy. She was with him once or somethin', I think. It was like some blonde. That's the one... -What does that have to do with it? She don't look 15 to me. I heard somethin' with Salvy. She was with him once or somethin', I think. It was like some blonde. That's the one... Probably. You know she talks to everybody, and not just him. -Probably. You know she talks to everybody, and not just him. Yeah, she's nice. -Yeah, she's nice. Ah, some piece of ass, I'm tellin' you. -Ah, some piece of ass, I'm tellin' you. You wasn't with her, were you? -You wasn't with her, were you? Huh? -Huh? You wasn't with her? -You wasn't with her? With her? How? -With her? How? You know, like bang her or anything? -You know, like bang her or anything? Ah, no, no. I didn't bang her. I know her from around here, that's all. You want to meet her or what? -Ah, no, no. I didn't bang her. I know her from around here, that's all. You want to meet her or what? Nah, not now -- all those hard-ons around. I'll wait. Not now. -I'm tellin' you, she'll be there, I know she'll be there. Dressed up and everything. I don't like all those other clowns around. That's all I know. -I don't like all those other clowns around. That's all I know. C'mon, hurry up. We're never gonna get outa here tonight. -Hey, watch your mouth. Don't talk like that. She's still my wife. No, but Jake... how much abuse can you take. -No, but Jake... how much abuse can you take. How many times do I have to hit her? I hit her enough. -Do you see her yet? Give me a chance. Let me look. -He fights the toughest guys around that everybody else is afraid to fight... I'm the only guy ever to beat Sugar Ray, and I still don't have a shot at the title. -They robbed us! Those fuckin' judges -- What the fuck fight were they watching? If I see them on the street, I'll break their heads. Decision Robinson, my fuckin' ass! Those judges give him the decision 'cause he's goin in the army next week! How else could this have happened?... What do you think they gave him the decision for, that's why. Whadda I gotta do, Joey? I knocked him down. What did I do wrong? I don't understand. -Whadda I gotta do, Joey? I knocked him down. What did I do wrong? I don't understand. You won and was robbed! You didn't do nothin' wrong. -You won and was robbed! You didn't do nothin' wrong. I dunno. Maybe I don't deserve to win. I've done a lot of bad things. I dunno... -You want us to wait for you? No, take her home. I wanna be alone for a while. Everybody go. -I just weighed myself -- I'm 161. No more deals like this Janiro bullshit. I didn't tell you to do it in the first place. Jake, you're the one who said you could get down to 155! What did I do, pull it out of the fuckin' hat? -Jake, you're the one who said you could get down to 155! What did I do, pull it out of the fuckin' hat? Well, sometimes you shouldn't listen to me! Now I don't know if I can make it down to 155. I'm having trouble making 160, and without telling me, you sign me for a fight at 155 pounds, and if I don't make 155, I forfeit $15,000! You're supposed to know what you're doin'. You're supposed to be a manager! -Well, sometimes you shouldn't listen to me! Now I don't know if I can make it down to 155. I'm having trouble making 160, and without telling me, you sign me for a fight at 155 pounds, and if I don't make 155, I forfeit $15,000! You're supposed to know what you're doin'. You're supposed to be a manager! You want the title shot? -You want the title shot? Say what you're gonna say. -Say what you're gonna say. You want the title shot or not? -You want the title shot or not? Say what you gotta say. Don't be a smart ass. -Say what you gotta say. Don't be a smart ass. This Janiro's an up-and-coming fighter, this kid you gotta knock out. Knockout this fuckin' kid! I'm telling you, this is your step towards getting a shot at the title. Listen to me: I'm telling you. You been killin' yourself for three years. There's nobody left -- they're afraid to fight you. This Janiro's up-and- coming. He don't know. Fuckin' tear him apart, wipe him out! What are you worried about? Your weight? Look, even if you lose they're gonna think you're weak; they're gonna think you're not the fighter you used to be. They'll match you with guys they were afraid to match you with before, and then you'll kill them and you'll get your title shot. And if you beat this kid Janiro, they gotta give you a shot at the title because there's nobody else. Either way you win and you do it on your own -- just like you want it. All right? -Nah, she would never... Didn't you just see her lookin' at him? She told me no, but I don't believe her. -Didn't you just see her lookin' at him? She told me no, but I don't believe her. C'mon, Jake. You know she's crazy about you. -Excuse me for a minute. Be right back. Don't be long. I'm afraid with all these tough guys here. -Whatcha doin'? I remember the first time I met Vickie... I know there's somethin' up. I know she's doin' somethin', but I can't catch her... -I remember the first time I met Vickie... I know there's somethin' up. I know she's doin' somethin', but I can't catch her... Maybe she's afraid you're gonna hit her so she can't talk to you the way she wants to. -Maybe she's afraid you're gonna hit her so she can't talk to you the way she wants to. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Try talkin' to her. She's your wife -- ask her what's the matter. -Try talkin' to her. She's your wife -- ask her what's the matter. When I'm away, did you ever notice anythin' funny with her? Tell me the truth. -When I'm away, did you ever notice anythin' funny with her? Tell me the truth. Jack, if there was anything funny, I would tell you. -Jack, if there was anything funny, I would tell you. I want you to keep an eye on her when I'm not here. Understand? -I want you to keep an eye on her when I'm not here. Understand? Sure, I'll keep an eye on her. -Sure, I'll keep an eye on her. What did Tommy say? -What did Tommy say? I got good news, and I got bad news. The good news is you got your shot at the title. The bad news is... -I got good news, and I got bad news. The good news is you got your shot at the title. The bad news is... Yeah, I know. -Stick out your hands, Jake. C'mon, Joey. -C'mon, Joey. G'wan, do it. Protect yourself, rummy. -See? That's all there was to it. What the fuck they want? I took the dive. They want me to fall down too? I don't fall down for nobody. I never went down in my life. Joey, what do I gotta do? Crawl on my hands and knees? I made an asshole of myself in the fuckin' Garden! All the newspaper writers make fun of me. I'm the bum of the year. All I want is a shot. Just a fuckin' shot. What do I gotta do? I'll do anything. -What the fuck they want? I took the dive. They want me to fall down too? I don't fall down for nobody. I never went down in my life. Joey, what do I gotta do? Crawl on my hands and knees? I made an asshole of myself in the fuckin' Garden! All the newspaper writers make fun of me. I'm the bum of the year. All I want is a shot. Just a fuckin' shot. What do I gotta do? I'll do anything. Except fall down like a normal person. -Except fall down like a normal person. Yeah, except fall down. That's right. -Yeah, except fall down. That's right. All right, you don't wanna fall down, so now you gotta take a rest. So, you enjoy the suspension. 'Cause there's nothin' you can do about it. Let the Commissioner and the D.A. jerk you around. So you wait. -All right, you don't wanna fall down, so now you gotta take a rest. So, you enjoy the suspension. 'Cause there's nothin' you can do about it. Let the Commissioner and the D.A. jerk you around. So you wait. Jesus Christ! Seven months! What am I gonna do for seven months? I'm gonna go crazy. How do I keep my strength? By that time I'll be too weak to win the title. And my weight? Forget about it -- I'm gonna blow up like a balloon. I ain't never gonna hold my weight down. Seven months! I don't know... -Jesus Christ! Seven months! What am I gonna do for seven months? I'm gonna go crazy. How do I keep my strength? By that time I'll be too weak to win the title. And my weight? Forget about it -- I'm gonna blow up like a balloon. I ain't never gonna hold my weight down. Seven months! I don't know... We did what we had to do. Tommy don't forget. Sooner or later you'll get your shot -- if Tommy don't die. -I'm gonna order up some stuff. Have a steak. I can't eat a steak. If I eat a steak, I'm gonna have trouble making the weigh-in. -I can't eat a steak. If I eat a steak, I'm gonna have trouble making the weigh-in. So eat just a little. You gotta eat something. -So eat just a little. You gotta eat something. What am I gonna do for 24 hours? I can't even eat! -Screw you, Jack. Where you been? -What? I just said hello. Since when I can't kiss my sister-in-law? Ain't a cheek ever good enough for you? I never even kissed Mama on the mouth. -Ain't a cheek ever good enough for you? I never even kissed Mama on the mouth. Well, you're not supposed to kiss your mother on the mouth. -Well, you're not supposed to kiss your mother on the mouth. Well, that's what I mean. -How's that? I can't tell. You're stomach's in the way. -Answer me somethin'. What happened at the Copa with Salvy when I was out of town? When? -When? You know, when you gave him a beatin'. -You know, when you gave him a beatin'. Nothin'. Salvy was out of line. He was drunk or somethin', I dunno. Anyway, the windup was I gave him a beatin'. Tommy called me down, and we straightened it out. It's all forgotten about. -Nothin'. Salvy was out of line. He was drunk or somethin', I dunno. Anyway, the windup was I gave him a beatin'. Tommy called me down, and we straightened it out. It's all forgotten about. Why didn't you tell me about it? -Why didn't you tell me about it? It didn't have nothin' to do with you. -It didn't have nothin' to do with you. Didn't it have nothin' to do with me? -Didn't it have nothin' to do with me? No, I just told you what happened. -No, I just told you what happened. Who did it have anything to do with... Vickie? -Who did it have anything to do with... Vickie? Jack, no. I just explained the whole thing to you. It was just between me and Salvy, if it had anything to do with you and Vickie, I woulda told you about it. -Jack, no. I just explained the whole thing to you. It was just between me and Salvy, if it had anything to do with you and Vickie, I woulda told you about it. Well, I heard some things. -Whatever you touched, that's good now. Did Salvy fuck Vickie? -Did Salvy fuck Vickie? What? -What? You're supposed to keep an eye on her for me. I'm askin'... -You're supposed to keep an eye on her for me. I'm askin'... I did keep an eye... -I did keep an eye... Then why did you give him a beatin' if he didn't do anything? You and him been friends a long time. -Then why did you give him a beatin' if he didn't do anything? You and him been friends a long time. Some things changed between us. Now, he thinks who the fuck he is. He's been passing certain remarks that I don't like. -Some things changed between us. Now, he thinks who the fuck he is. He's been passing certain remarks that I don't like. Don't bullshit me, Joey. You ain't tellin' me the truth. -Don't bullshit me, Joey. You ain't tellin' me the truth. What bullshit? Hey, I'm your brother. You wanna believe me -- you trust me? -What bullshit? Hey, I'm your brother. You wanna believe me -- you trust me? When it comes to her, I don't trust nobody. I'm askin' you somethin'. -When it comes to her, I don't trust nobody. I'm askin' you somethin'. "Well, you're wrong Jack. I'm tellin"" you what happened. He got outta line, we had a fight, and it's straightened out now." -You givin' me that look. I gotta accept your word, but if I find out anythin', I'm gonna kill somebody... So, go ahead. Kill everybody. Kill Salvy, kill Vickie, kill Tommy Como, kill me while you're at it. What do I care? You're killing yourself the way you're eating, the way you worry about things you don't have to worry about. -So, go ahead. Kill everybody. Kill Salvy, kill Vickie, kill Tommy Como, kill me while you're at it. What do I care? You're killing yourself the way you're eating, the way you worry about things you don't have to worry about. "What do you mean, ""you""?" -"What do you mean, ""you""?" What? -What? "What do you mean, ""you""?" -"What do you mean, ""you""?" I meant, kill everybody. You or me or anybody. You're a big shot. Kill, kill... g'head. -I meant, kill everybody. You or me or anybody. You're a big shot. Kill, kill... g'head. "But you said ""you.""" -"But you said ""you.""" So what? -So what? Eh, Joey, even you don't know what you meant. You mentioned Salvy, Tommy Como, you -- that means somethin'. Why'd you say them? You coulda said anybody. -Eh, Joey, even you don't know what you meant. You mentioned Salvy, Tommy Como, you -- that means somethin'. Why'd you say them? You coulda said anybody. You're worried about this girl, you're gonna let this girl ruin you're life for you... You wanna worry, worry about your fuckin' stomach that you can't bend over -- that you gotta step in the ring in a month. -You're worried about this girl, you're gonna let this girl ruin you're life for you... You wanna worry, worry about your fuckin' stomach that you can't bend over -- that you gotta step in the ring in a month. Did you ever fuck my wife? -Did you ever fuck my wife? What? -What? I don't mean now. I mean before -- before we met. -I don't mean now. I mean before -- before we met. Whadda ya mean? -Whadda ya mean? Did you ever fuck my wife? -Did you ever fuck my wife? Whatsa matter with you? -Whatsa matter with you? You're very smart, Joey, very smart. Nobody gives me a straight answer around here. You're givin' me these answers, but you still didn't answer my question. Did you fuck Vickie? -You're very smart, Joey, very smart. Nobody gives me a straight answer around here. You're givin' me these answers, but you still didn't answer my question. Did you fuck Vickie? I gotta go. I gotta get outta here. I can't take this shit. Lenore is waitin' for me. I gotta go. You're a definite wacko. You're fuckin' crazy, you know that, crazy. -Was Vickie part of the deal with Tommy? Was my wife part of the deal? Tell me, was that it? Stop it. What're you, crazy? -I'm tellin' you now, when I read this, it better not make me look bad. Jake, did I ever make you look bad before? -Jake, did I ever make you look bad before? Maybe it wasn't you, but you know what I'm talkin' about. -Why not? There's nobody else around who wants to fight me; they're all afraid. I don't see why I shouldn't have a shot at the title right now. Well, the word is to get a title shot you have to cooperate with the people who control boxing, in New York. And they're saying that you don't cooperate. -Well, the word is to get a title shot you have to cooperate with the people who control boxing, in New York. And they're saying that you don't cooperate. You guys know more about that than I do. I just fight... -You just fought Sugar Ray two weeks ago and you're training like this right now... Are you afraid Sugar Ray might beat you this time? I tell you what. You hit me here. Sugar Ray hits me here. I can't tell the difference. I just fight. -I'm pulling out of next Wednesday's TV bout 'cause I can't make the weight. I'm fighting at light heavyweight, and I still can't make the weight. Does that mean... -Does that mean... It means I'm through with boxing. I'm tired with tryin' to make the weight anymore. I'm sick of thinkin' about weight, weight, weight. -It means I'm through with boxing. I'm tired with tryin' to make the weight anymore. I'm sick of thinkin' about weight, weight, weight. You sound bitter. -You sound bitter. Why should I be bitter? Boxing's been good to me. I got a nice house, three kids, a beautiful wife -- take a picture of her. Vickie. -Ain't she beautiful? Coulda been Mrs. America if I didn't pull her outa the contest. Didn't want her wearing a swimsuit for nobody but me. What do you think of Jake's retirement, Mrs. LaMotta? -Don't fight anymore! It's a free country, don't fight anymore! Why did they have to stop it? Why did they have to stop it? -It ain't worth it, Jake. Get out. What time is it? -What time is it? Nine o'clock. -Nine o'clock. At night? -At night? Yeah. At night. -Yeah. At night. How many pounds I gotta lose? -How many pounds I gotta lose? Three more, I figure. -Three more, I figure. Just give me a chip of ice to put in my mouth. Just a chip of ice. -Just give me a chip of ice to put in my mouth. Just a chip of ice. I'll give you anything you want, Jake. I think you should come out for a few minutes -- give yourself a break. -I'll give you anything you want, Jake. I think you should come out for a few minutes -- give yourself a break. Are you outa your mind? If I come out, I'll lose the title. -He ain't hurting me, but I can't get him down. Don't talk. Keep at it. Jab, jab, jab. You're ahead on points. -Joey said you wanted to meet me. Is that right? You wanted to meet me? I just wanted to say hello. -I just wanted to say hello. You wanted to say hello, eh? I can't believe it. When did you fall outa heaven? Anyone ever tell you you're the most beautiful one here, princess of the pool. You got a baby face. Look at mine. Whatcha wanna meet me for? -You wanted to say hello, eh? I can't believe it. When did you fall outa heaven? Anyone ever tell you you're the most beautiful one here, princess of the pool. You got a baby face. Look at mine. Whatcha wanna meet me for? I don't know. 'Cause you're cute. -I don't know. 'Cause you're cute. Ya hear, Joey? She thinks this face is cute? Hey, whatcha doin' now? You wanna go for a ride? -You don't talk very much. I ain't ever talked to a movie star before. -I ain't ever talked to a movie star before. I ain't no movie star. I'm just in high school. -I ain't no movie star. I'm just in high school. Oh no? I thought you was a movie star. -You go first. Let me watch how to do this. You don't get nothin' done by watchin'. You just gotta do it. Here, I'll help you. -That's it. Just grip up a little tighter. That's it. You're gonna be real good at this. How does that feel? It feels real good. -It feels real good. Just keep your eye on the ball. -Just keep your eye on the ball. Should I hit it? -Should I hit it? Just give it a nice little tap. -I can't find my ball. Can you see it? -Can you see it? No. -No. What does that mean? -Jake, this is your father's bedroom. That's all right. He don't mind. -Jake... It's OK. -Are you sure we should be doing this? Come over here. -Come over here. You said never to touch you before a fight. -You said never to touch you before a fight. If you let me do it, I'll murder you. Come here. -If you let me do it, I'll murder you. Come here. You said I couldn't. You've been good for two weeks... -You said I couldn't. You've been good for two weeks... Come here. -Take off my pants. Jake... -Jake... Do what I say. -Now take the rest off. Jake, you made me promise not to get you excited. -Jake, you made me promise not to get you excited. Go 'head. Do it. -I like the gym smell. Now take your panties off. -Now, touch me... ...here. Oh, Jake. -Joey's right. Janiro's up-and coming, he's good looking... "What do you mean, ""good looking?""" -"What do you mean, ""good looking?""" Well, he's popular. A lotta people like Janiro. You beat him and it only figures they'll wanna see you get a title shot. But, what do I know? I should keep my mouth shut, I should... -Well, he's popular. A lotta people like Janiro. You beat him and it only figures they'll wanna see you get a title shot. But, what do I know? I should keep my mouth shut, I should... Who asked you? -Who asked you? But, Jake, I was just... -But, Jake, I was just... Who asked you? -Who asked you? I was just... -I was just... Who asked you? -What're you lookin' at? You lookin' at him? No, I'm not. I'm looking at you. -No, I'm not. I'm looking at you. "Don't tell me ""No."" I saw you lookin' at him. Why, you like him?" -"Don't tell me ""No."" I saw you lookin' at him. Why, you like him?" I'm not interested in him. -I'm not interested in him. You're not interested in him? -You're not interested in him? No, I'm not. -No, I'm not. In other words, you're not interested in him but you'd be interested in somebody else, right? -In other words, you're not interested in him but you'd be interested in somebody else, right? Jake, c'mon now. Don't start. -Jake, c'mon now. Don't start. Look at this, all of a sudden everybody's a fuckin' Romeo around here. Did you see the way she was lookin' at him? -Vickie?... Vickie, you asleep? What? -What? You asleep? -You asleep? Yeah. -Yeah. Huh? -Huh? Yeah, what? -Yeah, what? Tell me, you think of anybody else when I'm making love to you? -Tell me, you think of anybody else when I'm making love to you? Nobody. I love you, remember? -Nobody. I love you, remember? Then why'd you say that thing about Tony Janiro? -Then why'd you say that thing about Tony Janiro? What did I say? -What did I say? That he's got a pretty face. -That he's got a pretty face. I never noticed his face. -I never noticed his face. You sure you're not thinking of him right now? -You sure you're not thinking of him right now? Positive. -Positive. You're the one who said he was good looking. You think he's good looking 'cause I know you think he's good- looking. I'll smash his face inside out. I'll make him into dog meat. Nobody's gonna think he's good-looking when I get through with him. So you just go ahead and think about who you want. -Hey, you don't say goodbye to him like that. What did I do? -What did I do? You don't kiss like that. Hello and goodbye, that's all you do. -You don't kiss like that. Hello and goodbye, that's all you do. All I did... -All I did... You know what I'm talking about. Don't ever make me look bad on the night of my big fight. -You know what I'm talking about. Don't ever make me look bad on the night of my big fight. You're hurting my arm. -But Jake... I didn't say anything... Don't ever do that again. You don't do it! -Don't ever do that again. You don't do it! Jake... -What's the matter with you? Tryin' to get this fuckin' TV to work. Paid all this money for it and still can't get a station a mile away. And Mr. Wizard here ain't no help. -I went out. What's that kissing on the mouth shit? -Where you been all day? I took the kids to my sister's. -I took the kids to my sister's. I called. You weren't there. -I called. You weren't there. I got bored so I went to the movies. -I got bored so I went to the movies. What'd you see? -What'd you see? I went to the movies. -I went to the movies. What'd you see? -What'd you see? """Father of the Bride.""" -"""Father of the Bride.""" What was it about? -What was it about? Oh, c'mon. For Christsake, do I have to tell you everything? -Oh, c'mon. For Christsake, do I have to tell you everything? Did you ever go to the Copa when I was away? -Did you ever go to the Copa when I was away? What're you talking about? -What're you talking about? Answer me when I talk to you. What happened that night? -Answer me when I talk to you. What happened that night? I am answering... -I am answering... What do I have to do to get a straight answer around here. -Jake, no -- Do I have to kill you, eh? Do I have to kill somebody to get an answer? I know about you at the Copa. I know all about it. -I didn't do anything wrong. I swear. I just had a few drinks. With Salvy, eh? -With Salvy, eh? I went with Sandy and Vera. Salvy was there. Stop it. I just had a drink, that's all. I didn't do anything wrong. -Come out of there! Did you fuck Salvy? Answer me. Open this fuckin' door, you fuckin' cunt! Who've you been fuckin'? Nobody, I tell you. Jake stop it. -Nobody, I tell you. Jake stop it. You're a fuckin' liar. -I'll say anything you want me to say. I fuckled Salvy. I fucked Tommy. I fucked your brother. I fucked everybody! What do you want to hear? I sucked your brother's fuckin' cock! You did? -You did? Yeah, I sucked his cock. -You're killing him. You're killing him for nothing. Stop it. Get the fuck outa here. Whadda you mean nothing'? You stupid bitch! -Get the fuck outa here. Whadda you mean nothing'? You stupid bitch! Nothing is what I said! Go on, kill me. Kill me. I'm not afraid of you anymore. I don't care if you kill me like you're killing him. You're a sick animal. -You're the fuckin' animal! You ran around with every guy I knew while I was breakin' my ass for you. You're not only an animal, you're a stupid animal. You're rotten. Rotten. Rotten. You're a sick maniac. A maniac! You belong in a mental hospital. -You know, if there's one thing -- I just don't understand you, not one single little bit. You love me? Yeah -- -Jake, why don't you just try lying down and get some rest. I don't know what it is. I dunno, it's the kind of thing that -- the words won't come out. -I don't know what it is. I dunno, it's the kind of thing that -- the words won't come out. Jake -- -Jake -- What? -What? I want to say something to you without you blowing your stack. -I want to say something to you without you blowing your stack. OK. Talk. -OK. Talk. Why don't you just call him up? -Why don't you just call him up? "What do I say to him? Call him up on the phone and say, ""Joey, I'm sorry about that little trouble we had. How about havin' dinner?"" Is that what I say?" -"What do I say to him? Call him up on the phone and say, ""Joey, I'm sorry about that little trouble we had. How about havin' dinner?"" Is that what I say?" No, not that. -No, not that. Then what? -Then what? I don't know. -I miss Joey. I wish Joey was here. Why don't you just call him? -Why don't you just call him? I dunno. -I dunno. Tell him how you feel -- you miss him. Tell him you're sorry. -Tell him how you feel -- you miss him. Tell him you're sorry. Ok, all right. Telephone's in the hall. Dial his number. -I'm sorry. I had to work late last night. Slept at the club. I'm leaving you Jake. -I'm leaving you Jake. Sure, what else is new? -Sure, what else is new? No. This time it's true. I didn't bother to tell you until I had everything worked out. -Open the door, Vickie. No. I won't talk to you where you can use your hands on me. -No. I won't talk to you where you can use your hands on me. Aw, c'mon. Don't say that. -Aw, c'mon. Don't say that. I got a lawyer, Jake. We're getting a divorce. I'm getting custody of the kids. -I got a lawyer, Jake. We're getting a divorce. I'm getting custody of the kids. Aw, c'mon, Vick -- -Aw, c'mon, Vick -- I'm sick of it. I can't watch you this way. You're too drunk all the time. There's too many girls. I can't... I don't wanna talk about it. I made up my mind. -Vickie, open up. I need to come in. Are you drunk? -Are you drunk? No. Open the door. -The kids are sleeping. I promise I just gotta pick up one thing. -I promise I just gotta pick up one thing. All right, just don't make any noise. -What are you doing? I need ten thousand dollars. My lawyer says if we can spread ten thousand bucks around, we can get the case dropped. -I need ten thousand dollars. My lawyer says if we can spread ten thousand bucks around, we can get the case dropped. But they don't have a case against you. -But they don't have a case against you. "Are you kiddin'? Did you ever see a 14-year-old testify in court? Did you see the papers? ""LaMotta on Vice Rap."" Everybody likes a shot at the Champ." -"Are you kiddin'? Did you ever see a 14-year-old testify in court? Did you see the papers? ""LaMotta on Vice Rap."" Everybody likes a shot at the Champ." Jake, be careful! What're you doing to the belt?! -Jake, be careful! What're you doing to the belt?! Don't make no difference no more. -Don't make no difference no more. Can't you get the money from your friends? -Can't you get the money from your friends? What friends? -Hi, Tommy. How are you? Jake, sit down for a minute. -"Fuckin' kid! You're the best fuckin' fighter around. Loved what you did to Satterfield. Them ""moulan yans"" -- forget about it. They're all afraid to fight you." C'mon, Tommy -- -C'mon, Tommy -- How you feelin'? Ok? You feelin' good? -How you feelin'? Ok? You feelin' good? Never felt better. -Never felt better. Tony Janiro's gotta watch out, eh? -Tony Janiro's gotta watch out, eh? He should. -He should. This Janiro's a good fighter, pretty good-lookin' kid. -How's the weight? Ok? Yeah, the weight's Ok. -All right, lemme ask you something. Let's say I was a good friend of yours. And I was telling you I was gonna bet a lot of money on you in this Janiro fight. What would you tell me? I'd tell you to bet a bundle. -Salvy, would I steer you wrong? Let's say that's the truck; it's full of cigarettes, right? Now, two o'clock this morning we move the truck from here to there, take the cigarettes out, sell 'em, make some cash. Hey but Joey, you're thinking nickels and dimes. The money's with your brother. -Hey but Joey, you're thinking nickels and dimes. The money's with your brother. What do you want from my life, Salvy? He's my brother. -What do you want from my life, Salvy? He's my brother. He ain't doin' the right thing. He's makin' beans compared to what he should be makin'. Can't you make him understand that? -Hey, leave the kids alone. "Get lost. Hey kids, ""A cop is a rat."" Remember that, ""A rat.""" -I can't convince him. He's got such a thick head, I'd like to crack it open myself. Believe me, my own brother. It's very hard. You don't have to convince me -- I know we should be with Tommy. You talk to him. He don't listen to nobody. Look, I'm just tellin' you how Tommy feels. Jake is makin' it hard on himself. Tommy wants him with us. It's as simple as that. -Talk some sense into him, will ya? You're still his brother. If he ain't gonna listen to you, he ain't gonna listen to nobody! All right, I'll try. See you later. -All right, I'll try. See you later. Tomorrow, at the gym. Don't forget. -Tomorrow, at the gym. Don't forget. Right, the gym. -I said, let's go. Joey, relax. You're taking this the wrong way. Why don't you sit down and have a drink? -Joey, relax. You're taking this the wrong way. Why don't you sit down and have a drink? Excuse me, I'm talking to my sister in-law. -Excuse me, I'm talking to my sister in-law. Excuse me for living. -Excuse me for living. What do you think, I'm blind? My brother's breaking his ass in a ring, and you're here with his wife. -What do you think, I'm blind? My brother's breaking his ass in a ring, and you're here with his wife. Hey Joey, I'm here with Patsy and Vera and Sandy. And Vickie just happened to come along. We're just trying to have a good time. What do you want from me? So, why don't you just take it easy before this gets out of hand. -Hey Joey, whadda ya lookin' to die young? I'll suck your eyes out! I'll fuckin' take the two of you. -What're you doin' with Salvy? You shouldn't be here with him. Jake's away killin' himself. Suppose he found out. What the hell am I doing wrong? Just because Jake is training, I can't go out? What am I, a goddamn prisoner? -What the hell am I doing wrong? Just because Jake is training, I can't go out? What am I, a goddamn prisoner? No, you're his wife. -No, you're his wife. I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just trying to have a good time. Do I have to be cooped up in the house all the time? -I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just trying to have a good time. Do I have to be cooped up in the house all the time? It don't look right. -It don't look right. Well, go ahead, tell Jake. He's gonna kill me anyway. It's a matter of time. -Well, go ahead, tell Jake. He's gonna kill me anyway. It's a matter of time. I'm not gonna tell him nothing; but if he finds out, he will kill you. What's the matter with you? Aren't you happy? You got everything you want. -I'm not gonna tell him nothing; but if he finds out, he will kill you. What's the matter with you? Aren't you happy? You got everything you want. You don't sleep with him. I do. I don't get to breathe without tellin' him. He keeps me in a cage. If he thinks I'm lookin' at somebody the wrong way, I get used as a punching bag. He don't trust nobody. If he saw the two of us talking together right now, you'd be in trouble too -- believe me. Look at me, Joey. I'm 19 years old. I wanna enjoy my life. I love Jake, but you don't know. He gets crazy sometimes. I'm scared. -You don't sleep with him. I do. I don't get to breathe without tellin' him. He keeps me in a cage. If he thinks I'm lookin' at somebody the wrong way, I get used as a punching bag. He don't trust nobody. If he saw the two of us talking together right now, you'd be in trouble too -- believe me. Look at me, Joey. I'm 19 years old. I wanna enjoy my life. I love Jake, but you don't know. He gets crazy sometimes. I'm scared. Try to understand, Vickie. Jake's got a lotta aggravation. He's been a top contender too long. -Try to understand, Vickie. Jake's got a lotta aggravation. He's been a top contender too long. That's right, take his part. You're his brother. He's never gonna be champ. Too many people are against him. -That's right, take his part. You're his brother. He's never gonna be champ. Too many people are against him. And you're drinking with them right now. -And you're drinking with them right now. And I'm gonna finish my drink. And, I'm gonna have a good time, because I ain't doing nothing wrong. -This is Doyle's house. This is L. B. Jefferies, a friend of Tom's. Who am I talking with? -This is the baby sitter. Oh. When are they expected home? -Oh. When are they expected home? I'm hired 'til one. They went to dinner and maybe night-clubbing. -I'm hired 'til one. They went to dinner and maybe night-clubbing. Well, if he calls in, tell him to get in touch with L. B. Jefferies right away. I might have quite a surprise for him. -Well, if he calls in, tell him to get in touch with L. B. Jefferies right away. I might have quite a surprise for him. Does he have your number, Mr. Jefferies? -Does he have your number, Mr. Jefferies? He has it. Thank you. -He has it. Thank you. Goodnight. -Indo-China -- Jeff predicted it would go sky-high. From the looks of Davidson's cable, it might even go higher than that. And we haven't even got a camera over there. -From the looks of Davidson's cable, it might even go higher than that. And we haven't even got a camera over there. This could go off in a month -- or an hour. -This could go off in a month -- or an hour. I'll pull somebody out of Japan. -I'll pull somebody out of Japan. Bryce, the only man for this job is sitting right here in town. Get me L. B. Jefferies. -Bryce, the only man for this job is sitting right here in town. Get me L. B. Jefferies. Jefferies? -Jefferies? Name me a better photographer. -Name me a better photographer. But his leg! -But his leg! Don't worry -- it comes off today. -It was in her favorite handbag -- And, Mr. Doyle, that can lead to only one conclusion. Namely? -Like disposing of their wives? Get that idea out of your mind. It will only lead you in the wrong direction. -Of course, it's normal for a man to tie his trunk up with a heavy rope. When the lock is broken -- yes. -Mrs. -- Thorwald's -- clothes. -- Clean -- carefully packed -- not too stylish -- but presentable. Didn't you take it to the crime lab? -I would say that is looked as if she wasn't coming back. That's what they call a family problem. -You didn't see the killing, or the body? How do you know there was a murder? Because everything that man's done has been suspicious. Trips at night in the rain, saws, knives, trunks with rope, and a wife that isn't there any more. -Because everything that man's done has been suspicious. Trips at night in the rain, saws, knives, trunks with rope, and a wife that isn't there any more. I'll admit it all has a mysterious sound -- but is could mean a number of different things. Murder is the least likely. -I'll admit it all has a mysterious sound -- but is could mean a number of different things. Murder is the least likely. Go ahead, Doyle -- tell me he's an unemployed magician -- amusing the neighborhood with sleight-of-hand. -It's too stupid and obvious a way to murder -- in full view of fifty windows -- and then sit over there -- -- smoking a cigar -- waiting for the police to pick him up. Well, officer -- do your duty. -Well, officer -- do your duty. You've got a lot to lean about homicide, Jeff. Morons have committed murder so shrewdly that it took a hundred trained police minds to catch them. That salesman wouldn't just knock off his wife after dinner, toss her in a trunk and put her in storage. -You've got a lot to lean about homicide, Jeff. Morons have committed murder so shrewdly that it took a hundred trained police minds to catch them. That salesman wouldn't just knock off his wife after dinner, toss her in a trunk and put her in storage. I'll bet it's been done. -I'll bet it's been done. Almost everything's been done -- under panic. But this is a thousand to one shot. That man's still sitting around his apartment; he isn't panicked. -Almost everything's been done -- under panic. But this is a thousand to one shot. That man's still sitting around his apartment; he isn't panicked. You think I made all this up? -You think I made all this up? I think you saw something -- that probably has a very simple explanation. -I think you saw something -- that probably has a very simple explanation. For instance? -For instance? His wife took a trip. -His wife took a trip. She -- was -- an -- invalid! -She -- was -- an -- invalid! You told me. I've got to run, Jeff. -You told me. I've got to run, Jeff. All right -- you don't believe me. -I -- uh -- won't report it to the Department. Let me poke into a little on my own. No point in you getting any ridiculous publicity. Thanks. -Thanks. We know the wife is gone. I'll see if I can find out where. -We know the wife is gone. I'll see if I can find out where. Do that. -By the way what happened to your leg? I was jaywalking. -He has a six months lease, and has used up a little over five and a half months of it. Quiet. Drinks, but not to drunkenness. Pays his bill promptly, with money earned as a consume jewelry salesman -- wholesale. Keeps to himself, and none of the neighbors got close to him, or his wife. I think they missed their chance with her. -I think they missed their chance with her. She never left the apartment -- -She never left the apartment -- Then where is she -- in the ice box? -Then where is she -- in the ice box? -- until yesterday morning. --- until yesterday morning. What time? -What time? Six ayem. -I think that's about the time I fell asleep. Too bad. The Thorwalds were just leaving the apartment house at that time. -Feel a little foolish? Not yet. -Who said they left then? Who left -- where? -Who left -- where? The Thorwalds -- at six in the morning? -The building superintendent, and two tenants. Flat statements -- no hesitation. And they all jibed to the letter. The Thorwalds were leaving for the railroad station. "Now how could anybody guess that? They had, perhaps, signs on their luggage, ""Grand Central Or Bust!""?" -"Now how could anybody guess that? They had, perhaps, signs on their luggage, ""Grand Central Or Bust!""?" The superintendent met Thorwald coming back. He said Thorwald told him he had just put his wife on the train for the country. -The superintendent met Thorwald coming back. He said Thorwald told him he had just put his wife on the train for the country. A very convenient guy -- this superintendent. Have you checked his bank deposits lately? -A very convenient guy -- this superintendent. Have you checked his bank deposits lately? Jeff -- huh? -Jeff -- huh? Well -- what good is his information?!! It's a second-hand version of an unsupported statement by the murderer himself -- Thorwald! Anybody actually see the wife get on the train? -Well -- what good is his information?!! It's a second-hand version of an unsupported statement by the murderer himself -- Thorwald! Anybody actually see the wife get on the train? I hate to remind you -- but this all started because you said she was murdered. Now did anyone, including you, actually see her murdered? -I hate to remind you -- but this all started because you said she was murdered. Now did anyone, including you, actually see her murdered? Doyle -- are you interested in solving a case, or making me look foolish? -Doyle -- are you interested in solving a case, or making me look foolish? If possible -- both. -If possible -- both. Well then do a good job of it! Get over there, and search Thorwald's apartment! It must be knee-deep in evidence. -Well then do a good job of it! Get over there, and search Thorwald's apartment! It must be knee-deep in evidence. I can't do that. -I can't do that. I mean when he goes out for a paper, or a drink, or something. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. -I mean when he goes out for a paper, or a drink, or something. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. I can't do it even if he's gone. -I can't do it even if he's gone. What's the matter? Does he have a courtesy card from the police department? -What's the matter? Does he have a courtesy card from the police department? Now don't get me mad! Even a detective can't walk in anybody's apartment and search it. If I were ever caught in there, I'd lose my badge inside of ten minutes! -Now don't get me mad! Even a detective can't walk in anybody's apartment and search it. If I were ever caught in there, I'd lose my badge inside of ten minutes! Just make sure you're not caught. If you find something, you've got a murderer and nobody will care about a couple of house rules. If you find nothing -- he's clear. -Just make sure you're not caught. If you find something, you've got a murderer and nobody will care about a couple of house rules. If you find nothing -- he's clear. "At the risk of sounding stuffy, Jeff -- I'll remind you of the Constitution, and the phrase ""search warrant"" issued by a judge who knows the Bill of Rights verbatim. He must ask for evidence." -"At the risk of sounding stuffy, Jeff -- I'll remind you of the Constitution, and the phrase ""search warrant"" issued by a judge who knows the Bill of Rights verbatim. He must ask for evidence." Give him evidence. -Give him evidence. "I can hear myself starting out. ""Your Honor -- I have a friend who's an amateur sleuth, an one night, after a heavy supper --"" He'd throw the New York State Penal Code right in my face. -- And it's six volumes." -"I can hear myself starting out. ""Your Honor -- I have a friend who's an amateur sleuth, an one night, after a heavy supper --"" He'd throw the New York State Penal Code right in my face. -- And it's six volumes." By morning there might not be anything left to find in his apartment. -By morning there might not be anything left to find in his apartment. A detective's nightmare. -A detective's nightmare. What do you need before you can search -- bloody footsteps leading up to the door? -What do you need before you can search -- bloody footsteps leading up to the door? One thing I don't need is heckling! You called and asked me for help -- and now you're acting like a taxpayer! -One thing I don't need is heckling! You called and asked me for help -- and now you're acting like a taxpayer! How did we ever stand each other in that same plane for three years? -How did we ever stand each other in that same plane for three years? You know, every day for three years I asked myself that same question? -You know, every day for three years I asked myself that same question? Ever get an answer? -Ever get an answer? "Yeah -- frequently -- it ran something like this: ""Your request for transfer turned down --""" -Forget the story -- find the trunk. Mrs. Thorwald's in it! Oh -- I almost forgot! -Is -- is Anna -- who I think it is? Mrs. Thorwald. -Enough to scare me that you wouldn't get here in time, and we'd lose him. You think he's getting out of here? -You think he's getting out of here? Everything he owns is laid out on the bedroom, ready for packing. -Jewelry? He has his wife's jewelry hidden in among his clothes over there. -He has his wife's jewelry hidden in among his clothes over there. You sure it belongs to his wife? -That wasn't Mrs. Thorwald who left with him yesterday morning? You figured that out, huh? -Did you ever own a saw? Well, in the garage, back home, we -- -Well, in the garage, back home, we -- And how many people did you cut up with the couple of with it? Or hundred knives you've probably owned in your lifetime? -But I'm not a killer! Your logic is backward. -If I'd been careful piloting that reconnaissance plane, you wouldn't have taken the kind of pictures that got you a medal, a big job, fame, money -- All the things I hate. -Oh -- that phone call! I gave them your number -- hope you don't mind. "That depends on who ""they"" were." -"That depends on who ""they"" were." The police Department at Merritsville. They called to report. The trunk was just picked up -- by Mrs. Anna Thorwald. -Jefferies. This is Doyle, Jeff. -This is Doyle, Jeff. Tom, I've got something real big for you. -Tom, I've got something real big for you. Look Jeff, don't louse up my night with another man killer stuffing a grisly trunk that turns out to be -- -Look Jeff, don't louse up my night with another man killer stuffing a grisly trunk that turns out to be -- Listen to me! Lisa's been arrested. -Listen to me! Lisa's been arrested. Your Lisa? -Your Lisa? My Lisa. She went into Thorwald's apartment, and he came back. The only way I could get her out was to call the police. -My Lisa. She went into Thorwald's apartment, and he came back. The only way I could get her out was to call the police. I told you that -- -I told you that -- I know what you told me! She went in to get evidence, and she came out with it. -I know what you told me! She went in to get evidence, and she came out with it. Like what? -Like what? Like Mrs. Thorwald's wedding ring. If that woman were still alive, she'd be wearing it. -Like Mrs. Thorwald's wedding ring. If that woman were still alive, she'd be wearing it. A possibility. -A possibility. A fact! Last night he killed a dog for pawing in his garden. Why? Because he had something buried in there. Something a dog could scent. -A fact! Last night he killed a dog for pawing in his garden. Why? Because he had something buried in there. Something a dog could scent. Like an old hambone? -Like an old hambone? I don't know what pet name Thorwald had for his wife. And that night he went out half a dozen times with the metal suitcase. He wasn't taking his possessions, because they're up in his apartment now! -I don't know what pet name Thorwald had for his wife. And that night he went out half a dozen times with the metal suitcase. He wasn't taking his possessions, because they're up in his apartment now! "You think perhaps it was ""old hambone?""" -"You think perhaps it was ""old hambone?""" In sections! And one other thing, doubting Tom -- it just occurred to me that all the calls Thorwald made were long distance! If he called his wife the day she left -- after she arrived in Merritsville -- why did she need to send him a postcard saying she'd arrived? -In sections! And one other thing, doubting Tom -- it just occurred to me that all the calls Thorwald made were long distance! If he called his wife the day she left -- after she arrived in Merritsville -- why did she need to send him a postcard saying she'd arrived? Where'd they take Lisa? -Where'd they take Lisa? Precinct Six. I sent a friend over with bail money. -Precinct Six. I sent a friend over with bail money. Maybe you won't need it. I'll run it down, Jeff. -Just don't dally. Thorwald knows he's being watched. He won't hang around long. If that ring checks out, we'll give him an escort. So long. -Jefferies. Congratulations, Jeff. -Congratulations, Jeff. For what? -For what? For getting rid of that cast. -For getting rid of that cast. Who said I was getting rid of it? -This is Wednesday. Gunnison -- how did you get to be such a big editor -- with such a small memory? -Gunnison -- how did you get to be such a big editor -- with such a small memory? Wrong day? -Wrong day? Wrong week. Next Wednesday I emerge from this plaster cocoon. -Wrong week. Next Wednesday I emerge from this plaster cocoon. That's too bad, Jeff. Well, I guess I can't be lucky every day. Forget I called. -That's too bad, Jeff. Well, I guess I can't be lucky every day. Forget I called. Yeah. I sure feel sorry for you, Gunnison. Must be rough on you thinking of me wearing this cast another whole week. -Where? Indo-China. Got a code tip from the bureau chief this morning. The place is about to go up in smoke. -Indo-China. Got a code tip from the bureau chief this morning. The place is about to go up in smoke. Didn't I tell you! Didn't I tell you it was the next place to watch? -Didn't I tell you! Didn't I tell you it was the next place to watch? You did. -You did. Okay. When do I leave? Half-hour? An hour? -Okay. When do I leave? Half-hour? An hour? With that cast on -- you don't. -With that cast on -- you don't. Stop sounding stuffy. I'll take pictures from a jeep. From a water buffalo if necessary. -Stop sounding stuffy. I'll take pictures from a jeep. From a water buffalo if necessary. You're too valuable to the magazine for us to play around with. I'll send Morgan or Lambert. -You're too valuable to the magazine for us to play around with. I'll send Morgan or Lambert. Swell. I get myself half-killed for you -- and you reward me by stealing my assignments. -Swell. I get myself half-killed for you -- and you reward me by stealing my assignments. I didn't ask you to stand in the middle of that automobile race track. -I didn't ask you to stand in the middle of that automobile race track. You asked for something dramatically different! You got it! -You asked for something dramatically different! You got it! So did you. Goodbye, Jeff. -So did you. Goodbye, Jeff. You've got to get me out of here! Six weeks -- sitting in a two-room apartment with nothing to do but look out the window at the neighbors! -Read some good books. I've been taking pictures so long I don't know how to read anymore. -I've been taking pictures so long I don't know how to read anymore. I'll send you some comic books. -I'll send you some comic books. Listen -- if you don't pull me out of this swamp of boredom -- I'll do something drastic. -Listen -- if you don't pull me out of this swamp of boredom -- I'll do something drastic. Like what? -Like what? I'll -- I'll get married. Then I'll never be able to go anywhere. -I'll -- I'll get married. Then I'll never be able to go anywhere. It's about time you got married -- before you turn into a lonesome and bitter old man. -It's about time you got married -- before you turn into a lonesome and bitter old man. Can you see me -- rushing home to a hot apartment every night to listen to the automatic laundry, the electric dishwasher, the garbage disposal and a nagging wife. -Can you see me -- rushing home to a hot apartment every night to listen to the automatic laundry, the electric dishwasher, the garbage disposal and a nagging wife. Jeff -- wives don't nag anymore -- they discuss. -Yeah? Maybe in the high rent districts they discuss -- but in my neighborhood, they still nag. Well -- you know best. Call you later, Jeff. -Well -- you know best. Call you later, Jeff. Next time, have some good news. -Hello. Gunnison? -Gunnison? Yeah. Is that you, Jeff? -Yeah. Is that you, Jeff? It's me. -It's me. Something wrong? -Something wrong? "The word is ""everything."" Now what time does my plane leave Tuesday?" -"The word is ""everything."" Now what time does my plane leave Tuesday?" Jeff -- -Jeff -- I don't care where it goes -- just as long as I'm on it. -I don't care where it goes -- just as long as I'm on it. Okay. Indo-China. Tuesday. We'll pick you up. -Okay. Indo-China. Tuesday. We'll pick you up. That's more like it. Goodnight, old buddy. -That's more like it. Goodnight, old buddy. Yeah. -Hello. Did you get my note? -Well -- did you get it, Thorwald? Who are you? -Who are you? I'll give you a chance to find out. Meet me in the bar at the Brevoort -- and do it right away. -I'll give you a chance to find out. Meet me in the bar at the Brevoort -- and do it right away. Why should I? -Why should I? For a little business meeting -- to settle the estate of your late wife. -For a little business meeting -- to settle the estate of your late wife. I don't know what you mean. -I don't know what you mean. Now stop wasting time, Thorwald, or I'll hang up and call the police. -Now stop wasting time, Thorwald, or I'll hang up and call the police. I only have a hundred dollars or so. -I only have a hundred dollars or so. That's a start. I'm at the Brevoort now. I'll be looking for you. -Can you get me that ring back? No. -No. Tell her to bring it back! -I can't. The police have it by now. Then if the police get me -- you won't be around to laugh! -Readers' Digest, April, 1939. Well, I only quote from the best. -I predicted it. How? -Stella -- in economics, a kidney ailment has no relationship to the stock market. Absolutely none. It crashed, didn't it? -Right now I'd even welcome trouble. You've got a hormone deficiency. -You've got a hormone deficiency. How can you tell that from a thermometer! -How can you tell that from a thermometer! Those sultry sun-worshipers you watch haven't raised your temperature one degree in four weeks. -I knew it! Don't you ever heat that stuff up. -Don't you ever heat that stuff up. Gives your circulation something to fight. What kind of trouble? -Gives your circulation something to fight. What kind of trouble? Lisa Fremont. -Lisa Fremont. You must be kidding. A beautiful young woman, and you a reasonably healthy specimen of manhood. -You must be kidding. A beautiful young woman, and you a reasonably healthy specimen of manhood. She expects me to marry her. -She expects me to marry her. That's normal. -That's normal. I don't want to. -I don't want to. That's abnormal. -That's abnormal. I'm not ready for marriage. -I'm not ready for marriage. Nonsense. A man is always ready for marriage -- with the right girl. And Lisa Fremont is the right girl for any man with half a brain, who can get one eye open. -Nonsense. A man is always ready for marriage -- with the right girl. And Lisa Fremont is the right girl for any man with half a brain, who can get one eye open. She's all right. -Behind every ridiculous statement is always hidden the true cause. What is it? You have a fight? No. -No. Her father loading up the shotgun? -Her father loading up the shotgun? Stella! -Stella! It's happened before, you know! Some of the world's happiest marriage have started 'under the gun' you might say. -It's happened before, you know! Some of the world's happiest marriage have started 'under the gun' you might say. She's just not the girl for me. -She's just not the girl for me. She's only perfect. -She's only perfect. Too perfect. Too beautiful, too talented, too sophisticated, too everything -- but what I want. -Too perfect. Too beautiful, too talented, too sophisticated, too everything -- but what I want. Is what you want something you can discuss? -It's very simple. She belongs in that rarefied atmosphere of Park Avenue, expensive restaurants, and literary cocktail parties. People with sense can belong wherever they're put. -People with sense can belong wherever they're put. Can you see her tramping around the world with a camera bum who never has more than a week's salary in the bank? If only she was ordinary. -You're never going to marry? Probably. But when I do, it'll be to someone who thinks of life as more than a new dress, a lobster dinner, and the latest scandal. I need a woman who'll go anywhere, do anything, and love it. -The only honest thing to do is call it off. Let her look for somebody else. "I can just hear you now. ""Get out of here you perfect, wonderful woman! You're too good for me!""" -"I can just hear you now. ""Get out of here you perfect, wonderful woman! You're too good for me!""" That's the hard part. -Look, Mr. Jefferies. I'm not educated. I'm not even sophisticated. But I can tell you this -- when a man and a woman see each other, and like each other -- they should come together -- wham like two taxies on Broadway. Not sit around studying each other like specimens in at bottle. There's an intelligent way to approach marriage. -There's an intelligent way to approach marriage. Intelligence! Nothing has caused the human race more trouble. Modern marriage! -We've progressed emotionally in -- Baloney! Once it was see somebody, get excited, get married -- Now, it's read books, fence with four syllable words, psychoanalyze each other until you can't tell a petting party from a civil service exam -Baloney! Once it was see somebody, get excited, get married -- Now, it's read books, fence with four syllable words, psychoanalyze each other until you can't tell a petting party from a civil service exam People have different emotional levels that -- -People have different emotional levels that -- Ask for trouble and you get it. Why there's a good boy in my neighborhood who went with a nice girl across the street for three years. Then he refused to marry her. Why? -- Because she only scored sixty-one on a Look Magazine marriage quiz! -When I married Myles, we were both maladjusted misfits. We still are. And we've loved every minute of it. That's fine, Stella. Now would you make me a sandwich? -Okay -- but I'm going to spread some common sense on the bread. Lisa Fremont's loaded to her fingertips with love for you. I'll give you two words of advice. Marry her. She pay you much? -The insurance Company would be a lot happier if you slept in your bed, not the wheelchair. How did you know! -How did you know! Eyes bloodshot. Must have been staring out the window for hours. -Eyes bloodshot. Must have been staring out the window for hours. I was. -I was. What'll you do if one of them catches you? -What'll you do if one of them catches you? Depends one which one. -Keep your mind off her. She's real eat, drink and be merry girl. -She's real eat, drink and be merry girl. And she'll end up fat, alcoholic and miserable. -And she'll end up fat, alcoholic and miserable. Speaking of misery, Miss Lonely Hearts drank herself to sleep again. Alone. -Speaking of misery, Miss Lonely Hearts drank herself to sleep again. Alone. Poor girl. Someday she'll find her happiness. -Poor girl. Someday she'll find her happiness. And some man will lose his. -And some man will lose his. Isn't there anyone in the neighborhood who might cast an eye in her direction? -Isn't there anyone in the neighborhood who might cast an eye in her direction? Well, the salesman could be available soon. -Well, the salesman could be available soon. He and his wife splitting up? -He and his wife splitting up? It's hard to figure. He went out several time last night, in the rain carrying his sample case. -It's hard to figure. He went out several time last night, in the rain carrying his sample case. Isn't he a salesman? -Isn't he a salesman? Now what could he sell at three in the morning? -Now what could he sell at three in the morning? Flashlights. Luminous dials for watches. House numbers that light up. -Flashlights. Luminous dials for watches. House numbers that light up. He was taking something out of the apartment. I'm certain. -His personal effects. He's probably running away -- the coward. Sometimes it's worse to stay than it is to run. -Sometimes it's worse to stay than it is to run. But it takes a particularly low type of man to do it. -What about this morning? Any developments? No. The shades are still drawn in their apartment. -No. The shades are still drawn in their apartment. In this heat? They're up now. -A Federal offense. Get back there! He'll see you! -I'm not shy. I've been looked at before. It's not an ordinary look. It's the kind of look a man gives when he's afraid somebody might be watching him. -Goodbye, Mr. Jefferies. I'll see you tomorrow. Uh-huh. -Stella, I -- I can't tell you what a welcome sight this is. No wonder your husband's still in love with you. Police? -Police? Huh? -Huh? You called the police? -You called the police? Oh. Well, yes and no. It wasn't an official call. He's just a friend. An old, ornery friend. -I'm just going to get the name of their truck! I'll watch the alleyway -- in case it goes that way. -Mrs. Thorwald? Uh-uh. The dog. I think I know now why Thorwald killed it. -You mean the one the dog was sniffing around? And digging in. Look at that flower bed. -There's a dip at this end. And since when do flowers grow shorter in two weeks? There's something buried there. -You shouldn't have let her do that! If he ever -- Look! -Thank heaven that's over! I have a feeling we've just begun. -I wonder. What? -What? Miss Lonely Hearts just laid out something that looks like sodium trieckonal capsules. -Miss Lonely Hearts just laid out something that looks like sodium trieckonal capsules. You can tell that from here? -You can tell that from here? I handled enough of those red pills to put everybody in New Jersey asleep for the winter. -I handled enough of those red pills to put everybody in New Jersey asleep for the winter. Would four of them -- ? -Would four of them -- ? No -- but it makes the rest easy to take. And she's reading the Bible. -No -- but it makes the rest easy to take. And she's reading the Bible. Then I wouldn't worry too much. But let's keep an eye on her. -You know? You might not be too bad a bargain for Lisa after all. You don't say! I might just take that compliment as an insult. -What are you two talking about? Got a shovel? -Got a shovel? No. -No. There's probably one in the basement. -There's probably one in the basement. Now wait a minute -- -You know, Miss Fremont -- he might just have something there. There's no point in taking unnecessary chances. Give me the phone book, Lisa. -What's she trying to do? Why doesn't she turn him in? Smart girl. -Smart girl. Smart? She'll be arrested! -Smart? She'll be arrested! That'll get her out of there, won't it? -When you took your first snapshot -- did you ever think it would bring you to this? Stella -- how long do you think he'll stay there? -Stella -- how long do you think he'll stay there? Unless he's dumber than I think, he won't wait 'til his lease is up. -What do you need money for? To bail Lisa out of jail. -One hundred and twenty-seven. How much do you think you'll need? -How much do you think you'll need? First offense burglary -- -- probably two-fifty. The piggy bank. -Ten here. Thirty-three here. Totals one-ninety. Not enough. -Thirty-three here. Totals one-ninety. Not enough. I got twenty or so in my purse. Give me what you've got. -What about the rest? When those cops get a look at Miss Fremont -- they'll even contribute. -Hello. Mrs. Doyle? -Mrs. Doyle? Yes. -Yes. Jeff again. Has Tom come in yet? -Jeff again. Has Tom come in yet? Not yet, Jeff. -Not yet, Jeff. You haven't even heard from him? -You haven't even heard from him? Not a word. -It is something really important, Jeff? I'm afraid it is, Tess. -I'm afraid it is, Tess. I'll have him call the moment I hear from him. -I'll have him call the moment I hear from him. Tell him not to waste time calling. To get over here soon as he can. I think Thorwald's pulling out tonight. -Tell him not to waste time calling. To get over here soon as he can. I think Thorwald's pulling out tonight. Who's Thorwald? -Who's Thorwald? He knows. Don't worry, Tess. It's a man. -He knows. Don't worry, Tess. It's a man. Goodnight, you idiot. -Goodnight, you idiot. Goodnight, Mrs Doyle. -How's your leg? Mmmm -- hurts a little. -Mmmm -- hurts a little. And your stomach? -And your stomach? Empty as a football. -Empty as a football. And you love life? -And you love life? Not too active. -Not too active. Anything else bothering you? -Anything else bothering you? Uh-huh. -The Lisa Fremont who never wears the same dress twice? Only because it's expected of her. -Depends on the quote. Let's see -- there's the plane tickets over, import duties, hidden taxes, profit markups -- -- A steal at eleven hundred dollars. --- A steal at eleven hundred dollars. That dress should be listed on the stock exchange. -That dress should be listed on the stock exchange. We sell a dozen a day in this price range. -We sell a dozen a day in this price range. Who buys them? Tax collectors? -Something big going on somewhere? Going on right here. It's a big night. -Going on right here. It's a big night. It's just a run-of-the-mill Monday. The calendar's loaded with them. -It's opening night of the last depressing week of L. B. Jefferies in a cast. Hasn't been any big demand for tickets. -Picked it up in Shanghai -- which has also seen better days. It's cracked -- and you never use it. And it's too ornate. I'm sending up a plain, flat silver one -- with just your initials engraved. -It's cracked -- and you never use it. And it's too ornate. I'm sending up a plain, flat silver one -- with just your initials engraved. Now that's no way to spend your hard- earned money! -Now that's no way to spend your hard- earned money! I wanted to, Jeff. Oh! -"What would you think of starting off with dinner at the ""21""?" You have, perhaps, an ambulance outside? -Big enough? Fine. Corkscrew's on the right. -I couldn't think of anything more boring and tiresome than what you've been through. And the last week must be the hardest. Yeah -- I want to get this thing off and get moving. -Yeah -- I want to get this thing off and get moving. Well, I'm going to make this a week you'll never forget. -What a day I've had! Tired? -Tired? "Not a bit. I was all morning in a sales meeting. Then over to the Waldorf for a quick drink with Madame Dufresne -- just over from Paris. With some spy reports. Back to the ""21"" for lunch with the Harper's Bazaar people -- that's when I ordered dinner. Then two Fall showings -- twenty blocks apart. Then I had to have a cocktail with Leland and Slim Hayward -- we're trying to get his next show. Then I had to dash back and change." -"Not a bit. I was all morning in a sales meeting. Then over to the Waldorf for a quick drink with Madame Dufresne -- just over from Paris. With some spy reports. Back to the ""21"" for lunch with the Harper's Bazaar people -- that's when I ordered dinner. Then two Fall showings -- twenty blocks apart. Then I had to have a cocktail with Leland and Slim Hayward -- we're trying to get his next show. Then I had to dash back and change." Tell me -- what was Slim Hayward wearing? -Tell me -- what was Slim Hayward wearing? She looked very cool. She had on a mint green -- -You can't buy that kind of publicity. That's good news. -That's good news. Someday you might want to open up your own studio here. -Someday you might want to open up your own studio here. How could I run it from say -- Pakistan? -Jeff -- isn't it time you came home? You could pick your assignment. I wish there was one I wanted. -I wish there was one I wanted. Make the one you want. -Make the one you want. You mean leave the magazine? -You mean leave the magazine? Yes. -Yes. For what? -For what? For yourself -- and me. I could get you a dozen assignments tomorrow... fashion, portraits -- -Don't laugh. -- I could do it! That's what I'm afraid of. Could you see me -- driving down to the fashion salon in a jeep -- wearing combat boots and a three day beard? -That's what I'm afraid of. Could you see me -- driving down to the fashion salon in a jeep -- wearing combat boots and a three day beard? I could see you looking handsome and successful in a dark blue flannel suit. -I could see you looking handsome and successful in a dark blue flannel suit. Let's not talk any more nonsense, huh? -"That's what is know as ""manless melancholia.""" Miss Lonely Hearts. At least that's something you'll never have to worry about. -Miss Lonely Hearts. At least that's something you'll never have to worry about. Oh? You can see my apartment all the way up on 63rd street? -Oh? You can see my apartment all the way up on 63rd street? Not exactly -- but we have a little apartment here that's probably about as popular as yours. You, of course, remember Miss Torso. -Well, she picked the most prosperous looking one. She's not in love with him -- or any of them. -She's not in love with him -- or any of them. How can you tell that -- from here? -How can you tell that -- from here? You said it resembled my apartment, didn't you? -Oh... some songwriter. In the studio apartment. Lives alone. Probably had an unhappy marriage. I think it's enchanting. -Almost as if it were being written especially for us. No wonder he's having so much trouble with it. -If you're saying all this just because you don't want to tell me the truth, because you're hiding something from me, then maybe I can understand -- There's nothing I'm hiding. It's just that -- -There's nothing I'm hiding. It's just that -- It doesn't make sense to me. What's so different about it here from over there, or any place you go, that one person couldn't live in both places just as easily? -It doesn't make sense to me. What's so different about it here from over there, or any place you go, that one person couldn't live in both places just as easily? Some people can. Now if you'll let me explain -- -Some people can. Now if you'll let me explain -- What is it but traveling from one place to another, taking pictures? It's just like being a tourist on an endless vacation. -What is it but traveling from one place to another, taking pictures? It's just like being a tourist on an endless vacation. All right. That's your opinion. You're entitled to it, but -- -All right. That's your opinion. You're entitled to it, but -- It's ridiculous for you to say that it can only be done by a special, private little group of anointed people. -Lisa, simmer down -- will you? You can't fit in here -- I can't fit in there. According to you, people should be born, live an die on the same -- -You can't fit in here -- I can't fit in there. According to you, people should be born, live an die on the same -- Lisa! Shut up! -Did you ever eat fish heads and rice? Of course not. -Of course not. You might have to, if you went with me. Ever try to keep warm in a C-54, at fifteen thousand feet, at twenty below zero? -Oh, I do that all the time. Whenever I have a few minutes after lunch. Ever get shot at, run over, sandbagged at night because people got unfavorable publicity from your camera? -Those high heels would be a lot of use in the jungle -- and those nylons and six-ounce lingerie -- Three. -Three. Well, they'd be very stylish in Finland -- just before you froze to death. Begin to get the idea? -Huh? Try and find a raincoat in Brazil. Even when it isn't raining Lisa, on this job you carry one suitcase. Your home is the available transportation. You sleep rarely, bathe even less, and sometime the food you even look at when they were alive! Jeff, you don't have to be deliberately repulsive just to impress me I'm wrong. -Jeff, you don't have to be deliberately repulsive just to impress me I'm wrong. If anything, I'm making it sound good. Let's face it, Lisa... you aren't made for that kind of a life. Few people are. -You don't think either one of us could ever change? Right now, it doesn't seem so. -And it's deflating to find out that the only way I can be part of it -- is to take out a subscription to your magazine. I guess I'm not the girl I thought I was. There's nothing wrong with you, Lisa. You have the town in the palm of your hand. -There's nothing wrong with you, Lisa. You have the town in the palm of your hand. Not quite -- it seems. Goodbye, Jeff. -Not quite -- it seems. Goodbye, Jeff. "You mean ""goodnight.""" -"You mean ""goodnight.""" I mean what I said. -Can't we just sort of keep things status quo? Without any future? -I'm not exactly on the other side of the room. Your mind is. And when I want a man, I want all of him. -Don't you ever have any problems? I have one now. -I have one now. So do I. -So do I. Tell me about it. -Tell me about it. Why would a man leave his apartment three times, on a rainy night, with a suitcase? And come back three times? -Why would a man leave his apartment three times, on a rainy night, with a suitcase? And come back three times? He likes the way his wife welcomes him home. -He likes the way his wife welcomes him home. Not that salesman's wife. And why didn't he go to work today? -Not that salesman's wife. And why didn't he go to work today? Homework. It's more interesting. -Homework. It's more interesting. What's interesting about a butcher's knife and a small saw wrapped up in a newspaper? -What's interesting about a butcher's knife and a small saw wrapped up in a newspaper? Nothing, thank heaven. -Nothing, thank heaven. Why hasn't he gone into his wife's bedroom all day? -Why hasn't he gone into his wife's bedroom all day? I wouldn't dare answer that. -I wouldn't dare answer that. Lisa -- there's something terribly wrong. -What do you think? Something too frightful to utter. -Jeff -- if you could only see yourself. Now, Lisa -- -Now, Lisa -- Sitting around, looking out a window to kill time, is one thing -- but doing it the way you are -- -- with, with binoculars, and with wild opinions about every little movement you see -- is, is diseased! -Sitting around, looking out a window to kill time, is one thing -- but doing it the way you are -- -- with, with binoculars, and with wild opinions about every little movement you see -- is, is diseased! Do you think I consider this recreation? -Do you think I consider this recreation? I don't know what you consider it -- but if you don't stop it, I'm getting out of here. -I don't know what you consider it -- but if you don't stop it, I'm getting out of here. You'd better before you catch the disease! -You'd better before you catch the disease! What is it you're looking for? -What is it you're looking for? I want to find out what's wrong with the salesman's wife. Does that make me sound like a madman? -I want to find out what's wrong with the salesman's wife. Does that make me sound like a madman? What makes you think something's wrong with her? -What makes you think something's wrong with her? A lot of things. She's an invalid who needs constant care -- and yet the husband nor anyone else has been in there all day. -A lot of things. She's an invalid who needs constant care -- and yet the husband nor anyone else has been in there all day. Maybe she died. -Maybe she died. Where's the doctor -- the undertakers? -Where's the doctor -- the undertakers? She could be under sedatives, sleeping. He's in the room now. -Lisa, please! There's nothing to see. -There's nothing to see. There is -- I've seen things through that window! Bickering, family fights, mysterious trips at night, knives, saws, rope -- and since last evening, not a sight or sound of his wife! Now you tell me where she is and what she's doing! -There is -- I've seen things through that window! Bickering, family fights, mysterious trips at night, knives, saws, rope -- and since last evening, not a sight or sound of his wife! Now you tell me where she is and what she's doing! Maybe he's leaving his wife. I don't know, and I don't care. Lots of people have saws, knives and ropes around their houses. Lots of men don't speak to their wives all day. Lots of wives nag, and men hate them, and trouble starts -- but very, very, very few of them end up in murder -- if that's what you're thinking. -Maybe he's leaving his wife. I don't know, and I don't care. Lots of people have saws, knives and ropes around their houses. Lots of men don't speak to their wives all day. Lots of wives nag, and men hate them, and trouble starts -- but very, very, very few of them end up in murder -- if that's what you're thinking. It's pretty hard to stay away from that word isn't is? -It's pretty hard to stay away from that word isn't is? You could see all the things he did, couldn't you? -You could see all the things he did, couldn't you? What are you getting at? -What are you getting at? You could see that he did because he had the shades in his apartment up, and walked along the corridor, and the streets and the backyard? -You could see that he did because he had the shades in his apartment up, and walked along the corridor, and the streets and the backyard? Yeah. -Yeah. Jeff, do you think a murderer would let you see all that? That he shouldn't keep his shades down and hide behind them? -Jeff, do you think a murderer would let you see all that? That he shouldn't keep his shades down and hide behind them? That's where he's being clever. Acting nonchalant. -That's where he's being clever. Acting nonchalant. And that's where you're not being clever. He wouldn't parade his crime in front of the open shades. -No comment. Don't you see how silly you're being? -Don't you see how silly you're being? Okay, Lisa -- probably you're right. He's probably in the bedroom now, entertaining his wife with the indian rope trick. I'll admit to criminal insanity. Now when do I start the cure? -The name on the second floor rear mailbox reads Mr. And Mrs. Lars, that's L-A-R-S, Lars Thorwald. What's the apartment house number? -What's the apartment house number? 125 West Ninth Street. -Okay, chief. What's my next assignment. To get on home. -To get on home. All right -- but what's he doing now? -It doesn't seem to be in any hurry. He was just laying all his things out on one of the beds! Coats, suits, shirts, sox, even his wife's -- -That alligator bag his wife had on the bedpost -- What about it? -What about it? He had it hidden in the dresser! Well, at least it was in there. He took it out, went to the phone and called somebody long distance. -- His wife's jewelry was in the handbag. And something about it worried him. He was asking somebody advice over the phone. -He had it hidden in the dresser! Well, at least it was in there. He took it out, went to the phone and called somebody long distance. -- His wife's jewelry was in the handbag. And something about it worried him. He was asking somebody advice over the phone. Someone not his wife? -Someone not his wife? I never saw him ask her for advise before. But she volunteered plenty. -I wonder where he's going now? I don't know. -I don't know. Suppose he doesn't come back again? -Suppose he doesn't come back again? He will. All his things are still piled on the bed. -Well, I guess it's safe to put on some lights now. Not yet! -All day long I've tried to keep my mind on work. Thinking about Thorwald? -Thinking about Thorwald? And you, and you friend Doyle -- Did you hear from him again -- since he left? -And you, and you friend Doyle -- Did you hear from him again -- since he left? Not a word. He was going to check on the railroad station, and the trunk. He must be still on it. -Something on your mind, Lisa? It doesn't make sense to me. -It doesn't make sense to me. What doesn't? -What doesn't? Women aren't that unpredictable. -Women aren't that unpredictable. Lisa -- I can't guess what you're thinking. -A woman has a favorite handbag -- it always hangs on her bedpost where she can get at it. Then she takes a trip and leaves it behind. Why? Because she didn't know she was going on a trip -- and where she was going she wouldn't need a handbag. -But only her husband would know that. And the jewelry! Women don't keep all their jewelry in a purse, all tangled, getting scratched and twisted up. Do they hide it in their husband's clothes? -Do they hide it in their husband's clothes? They do not! And they don't leave it behind them. A woman going anywhere but the hospital would always take makeup, perfume and jewelry. -They do not! And they don't leave it behind them. A woman going anywhere but the hospital would always take makeup, perfume and jewelry. Inside stuff? -Inside stuff? Basic equipment. You don't leave it behind in your husband's drawer in your favorite handbag. -Basic equipment. You don't leave it behind in your husband's drawer in your favorite handbag. I'm with you, sweetie, but Detective Thomas J. Doyle has a pat answer for that. -I'm with you, sweetie, but Detective Thomas J. Doyle has a pat answer for that. That Mrs. Thorwald left at six ayem yesterday with her husband? -That Mrs. Thorwald left at six ayem yesterday with her husband? That's what the witnesses told him. -That's what the witnesses told him. Well, I have a pat rebuttal for Mr. Doyle -- that couldn't be Mrs. Thorwald -- or I don't know women. -Well, I have a pat rebuttal for Mr. Doyle -- that couldn't be Mrs. Thorwald -- or I don't know women. Still -- those witnesses. -Still -- those witnesses. We'll agree they saw a woman -- but she wasn't Mrs. Thorwald. -- That is, yet. -I'd like to see your friend's face when we tell him. He doesn't sound like much of a detective. Don't be too hard on him. He's a steady worker. I wish he'd get there, though. -Don't be too hard on him. He's a steady worker. I wish he'd get there, though. Don't rush me. We have all night. -We have all -- what? Night. I'm going to stay with you. -Night. I'm going to stay with you. You'll have to clear that through my landlord -- -I have the whole weekend off. Well that's fine, but I only have one bed, and -- -Say anything else, and I'll stay tomorrow night too. Lisa, I won't be able to give you any -- -You said I'd have to live out of one suitcase I'll bet yours isn't this small? That's a suitcase? -That's a suitcase? A Mark Cross overnight case, anyway. Compact, but ample enough. -I'll trade you -- my feminine intuition for a bed for the night. I'd be no better than Thorwald, to refuse. -From his landlord -- once a month. It's utterly beautiful. I wish I could be creative. -It's utterly beautiful. I wish I could be creative. You are. You have a talent for creating difficult situations. -You are. You have a talent for creating difficult situations. I do? -I do? Staying the night here, uninvited. -Surprise -- is the most important element of attack. And beside, you're not up on your private eye literature. When they're in trouble, it's always their Girl Friday who gets them out of it. The same girl who keeps him out of the clutches of seductive show girls, and over-passionate daughters of the rich. -The same girl who keeps him out of the clutches of seductive show girls, and over-passionate daughters of the rich. The same. -The same. But he never ends up marrying her. Strange. -But he never ends up marrying her. Strange. Weird. Why don't I slip into something comfortable? -Weird. Why don't I slip into something comfortable? You mean -- like the kitchen? And make us some coffee? -You mean -- like the kitchen? And make us some coffee? Exactly what I had in mind -- along with some brandy. -I hate funny exit lines. Who was the trunk addressed to? -Do you suppose it's ethical to watch a man with binoculars, and a long- focus lens -- until you can see the freckles on the back of his neck, and almost read his mail -- do you suppose it's ethical even if you prove he didn't commit a crime? I'm not much on rear window ethics. -I'm not much on rear window ethics. Of course, they have the same chance. They can look at me like a bug under glass, if they want to. -Of course, they have the same chance. They can look at me like a bug under glass, if they want to. Jeff -- if anybody walked in here, I don't think they'd believe what they see. -Jeff -- if anybody walked in here, I don't think they'd believe what they see. Huh? -Huh? You and me with long faces -- plunged into despair -- because we find out that a man didn't kill his wife. We're two of the most frightening ghouls I've ever known. -"Whatever happened to that old saying ""Love Thy Neighbor.""" I think I'll start reviving it tomorrow, with say -- Miss Torso for a start? -Did Mr. Doyle think I stole this case. No, Lisa -- I don't think he did. -I'll rephrase the question. Thank you. -Do you like it? Well, -- if there was one less thread this way -- -- and two less that way -- -- I might give up bachelorhood. -For a minute, Doyle almost had me convinced I was wrong. But you're not? -But you're not? In the whole courtyard, only one person didn't come to the window. -Do you think this was worth waiting all day to see? Is he cleaning house? -Is he cleaning house? He's washing down the bathroom walls. -Well? It's just a picture of the backyard, that's all. -It's just a picture of the backyard, that's all. I know. But there's one important change. The flowers in Thorwald's pet flower bed. -Something's in there. Those flowers have been taken up, and put back again. It could be -- the knife, and the saw. -Wasn't that close? Too close. -Suppose Mrs. Thorwald's wedding ring was among the jewelry he has in the handbag. During that phone conversation he held up three rings -- one with a diamond -- one with a big stone of some kind -- and one plain gold band. And the last thing she'd leave behind would be her wedding ring! Do you ever leave yours at home? -Jeff, if you're squeamish, just don't look. Now hold on. I'm not a bit squeamish about what might be under those flowers -- but I don't care to watch two women end up like that dog -- -What for? Maybe I can get Thorwald out of the apartment. -I'll try to give you at least fifteen minutes. How? -How? "Chelsea 2-7099. We scared him once. Maybe we can scare him again. I'm using that word ""we"" a little too freely, I guess. I don't take any of the chances." -"Chelsea 2-7099. We scared him once. Maybe we can scare him again. I'm using that word ""we"" a little too freely, I guess. I don't take any of the chances." Shall we vote him in, Stella? -Get an ambulance. Don't move. Try to lie still. Lisa -- I -- I -- can't tell you how scared I was that you -- you might -- -Lisa -- I -- I -- can't tell you how scared I was that you -- you might -- Shut up. I'm all right. -Shut up. I'm all right. Think you've got enough for a search warrant now? -A man is assaulting a woman at one two five west ninth street. Second floor rear. Make it fast. Your name? -Your name? L. B. Jefferies. -L. B. Jefferies. Phone number? -Phone number? Chelsea 2-5598. -Chelsea 2-5598. Two minutes. -Steady Marlon! Wanna make the colored lights go around and around? -What's that? A new disease. -A new disease. Friend of yours? -Friend of yours? I'm glad they let you out. -I'm glad they let you out. Nobody chickened. -Nobody chickened. I heard about it. You're lucky he lived. -I heard about it. You're lucky he lived. They always live. -Buzzie--we better get out of here. What's eating you, Judy? You want him alive? -Feel okay? Give me some dirt. -What's happening? Good luck, Buzz. -You know something? What? -What? You watch too much television. -Hey, he's real abstract and different. I'm cute, too. -Meaning me? What? -What? Chicken? -I thought only punks fought with knives. Who's fighting? This is the test, man. It's a crazy game. -Machismo? Somebody find him a knife. -You satisfied or you want more? How 'bout you? Say the word and you're cold, Jack--you're dead. -Where can we meet? Know the Millertown bluff? -Just him. Stay there. -What you say your name was? Jim Stark. -Jim Stark. Buzz Gundersen. -Buzz Gundersen. Hi. -Hi. Glad to meet you. -Sure. It's fine. Okay. -This is the edge, boy. This is the end. Yeah. -Yeah. I like you, you know? -I like you, you know? Buzz? What are we doing this for? -Buzz? What are we doing this for? We got to do something. Don't we? -We heard firing. He get anybody? You alone? We got a cookaboo inside. He wounded some kid earlier. -We got a cookaboo inside. He wounded some kid earlier. How'd he get in? -How'd he get in? Smashed the front door. -Smashed the front door. Any other entrance? -Any other entrance? Down in back. -What's he going to pull-- Nothing, Crunch. They picked him up like the rest of-- -Nothing, Crunch. They picked him up like the rest of-- You see any cops? -You see any cops? No-- -No-- He's going to cheese, I tell you. Nobody arrested him! -He's going to cheese, I tell you. Nobody arrested him! I think I should go home. -I think I should go home. No. We're going to bring him down. -No. We're going to bring him down. Crunch--my father's--You going to kill him? -Crunch--my father's--You going to kill him? You clean out of your head? Come on! -What time is it? Hang loose. We got all night. -Hang loose. We got all night. That maid saw us. She could identify us too. -That maid saw us. She could identify us too. You still want to go home, Moose? -You still want to go home, Moose? No. -No. Then shut your mouth before your guts run out! -Tell him why we moved here. Hold it, Jim. -Hold it, Jim. You can't protect me. -You can't protect me. You mind if I try? You have to slam the door in my face? I try to get to him--what happens? Don't I give you everything you want? A bicycle--you get a bicycle. A car-- -You mind if I try? You have to slam the door in my face? I try to get to him--what happens? Don't I give you everything you want? A bicycle--you get a bicycle. A car-- You buy me many things. Thank you. -You buy me many things. Thank you. Not just buy! You hear all this talk about not lovely your kids enough. We give you love and affection, don't we? -Mother-- You make any sandwiches? -You make any sandwiches? My first day of school, mother'd make me eat and by golly I could never even swallow till recess-- -So long, young fella. Knock 'em dead, like your old man used to! Sure-- You know something? I have a feeling we're going to stay here. -Sure-- You know something? I have a feeling we're going to stay here. And listen--watch out about the pals you choose--Know what I mean? Don't let them choose you-- -You thought I was Mom? Yeah! -Yeah! It's just this get-up. The girl's out and I was bringing Mom's supper. -It's just this get-up. The girl's out and I was bringing Mom's supper. And you dropped it? -And you dropped it? Yeah! Shh! -Yeah! Shh! That's funny! -That's funny! I better clean this up before she sees it. -You awake? Yes. -Yes. Listen--I took a steak out of the freezer. I thought we could have a real old-fashioned stag party--just the two of us, what do you say? -Listen--I took a steak out of the freezer. I thought we could have a real old-fashioned stag party--just the two of us, what do you say? I'm not hungry. -Hey--I want to ask you something. Shoot, Jimbo. -Shoot, Jimbo. Suppose you knew that you had to do something very dangerous--where you have to prove something you need to know--a question of honor. Would you do it? -Suppose you knew that you had to do something very dangerous--where you have to prove something you need to know--a question of honor. Would you do it? Is there some kind of trick answer? -Is there some kind of trick answer? What would you do, Dad? -What would you do, Dad? I wouldn't do anything hasty. Let's get a little light on the subject. -Blood. How'd that happen! What kind of trouble you in? -How'd that happen! What kind of trouble you in? The kind we've been talking about. Can you answer me now? -The kind we've been talking about. Can you answer me now? Listen--nobody should make a snap decision--This isn't something you just--we ought to consider all the pros and cons-- -Listen--nobody should make a snap decision--This isn't something you just--we ought to consider all the pros and cons-- We don't have time. -We don't have time. We'll make time. Where's some paper. We'll make a list and if we're still stuck then we ought to get some advice-- -What can you do when you have to be a man? Well, now-- -Well, now-- Just give me a direct answer! You going to stop me from going, Dad? -Just give me a direct answer! You going to stop me from going, Dad? You know I never stop you from anything. Believe me--you're at a wonderful age. In ten years you'll look back on this and wish you were a kid again. -You know I never stop you from anything. Believe me--you're at a wonderful age. In ten years you'll look back on this and wish you were a kid again. Ten years? Now, Dad--I need an answer now! -Ten years? Now, Dad--I need an answer now! I just want to show you how foolish you are. When you're older you'll laugh at yourself for thinking this is so important-- -Go ahead. I'm in terrible trouble.--You know that big high bluff near Miller- town Junction? -I'm in terrible trouble.--You know that big high bluff near Miller- town Junction? Sure--there was a bad accident there. They showed the pictures on T.V. -Sure--there was a bad accident there. They showed the pictures on T.V. I was in it. -Will you let him tell it! She never wants to hear. She doesn't care! -Well, just get it off your chest, son. That's not what I mean. I've never done anything right. I've been going around with my head in a sling for years...I don't want to drag you into this but I can't help it. I don't think I can prove anything by going around pretending I'm tough any more, so maybe you look like one thing but you still feel like another. -That's not what I mean. I've never done anything right. I've been going around with my head in a sling for years...I don't want to drag you into this but I can't help it. I don't think I can prove anything by going around pretending I'm tough any more, so maybe you look like one thing but you still feel like another. You're absolutely right! -You're absolutely right! Are you listening to me? You're involved in this! I want to go to the police and tell them I was mixed up in this thing tonight? -Are you listening to me? You're involved in this! I want to go to the police and tell them I was mixed up in this thing tonight? You what? -I don't think so-- Well-- -Except yourself! Will you wait a minute? -Will you wait a minute? You don't want me to go. -You know you did wrong. That's the main thing, isn't it? No! It's nothing! Just nothing! You always told me to tell the truth. You think you can just turn that off? -You'll learn as you get a little older, Jim. I don't want to learn that! -Son--this is all happening so fast-- You better give me something, Dad. You better give me something Mom? -He depended on me. And you can depend on me, son. Trust me. Whatever comes we'll face it together, I swear. -I don't see what's so bad about taking a little drink. You don't? -You don't? No. I definitely don't. I did the sa-- -No. I definitely don't. I did the sa-- He's a minor, Mr. Stark, and it looks to me like he had more than a little drink. -He's a minor, Mr. Stark, and it looks to me like he had more than a little drink. Say, listen-- -Whoa! Whoa! I know you're a little upset but-- Sorry. -Sorry. What about you, Jim? Got anything to say for yourself? -Excuse us a minute? Sure. Sure. -Luck, Jim. Don't forget. Have some cigars. -Have some cigars. No thanks, I don't smoke. -No thanks, I don't smoke. Go on--Give 'em to your friends. -Go on--Give 'em to your friends. No--thanks, very much, Mr. Stark. -You sure? I think I know my son. -I guess I cut pretty loose in my day too. Really, Frank? When was that? -Really, Frank? When was that? Listen--can't you wait till we get home? -Can't you answer? What's the matter with you anyhow? He's just loaded, honey. -He's just loaded, honey. I was talking to Jim. -I was talking to Jim. Let me just explain to you--we just moved here, y'understand? The kid has no friends yet and-- -Was it because we went to that party? You know what kind of drunken brawls those parties turn into-- it's no place for kids. A minute ago you said you didn't care if he drinks. -I guess when I nearly died giving birth to you--that shows how much I don't care! Just relax, please relax! -No! Did anyone see you there? I mean did they get your license number or anything? -Look Jim. Far be it from me to tell you what to do, but there's-- Are you going to preach now? Are we going to have a sermon? -Are you going to preach now? Are we going to have a sermon? I'm just explaining what you mean! You can't be an idealist all your life! Nobody thanks you for sticking your neck out! -I'm just explaining what you mean! You can't be an idealist all your life! Nobody thanks you for sticking your neck out! That's right! -Frank? I'm frightened. What's that pounding? -What's that pounding? I don't know. First I thought it was Jim but-- -I don't know. First I thought it was Jim but-- He's home. I heard the car. -He's home. I heard the car. Are you going down there? -Are you going down there? Look--just relax, will you? -See? It stopped. I still think you should go down. -Who's there? Anyone there? Open it. -Is he there? No, honey. No, he's not here. -Frank! Stay here. That was my son! -John Crawford? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Come with me, John. -She keep it to protect herself, sir. She scared without a man in the house. Where's your mother tonight, Plato? -They not together, sir. We don't see him in a long time now. Do you hear from him, son? -Oh, Mrs. Crawford don't believe in them! Well maybe she better start. -Do you know why you shot those puppies, John? Is that what they call you or do you have a nickname? Plato. -Can you tell me why you killed the puppies, Plato? No, sir. I just went next door to look at them like I always do. They were nursing on their mother and I did it. I guess I'm just no good? -No, sir. I just went next door to look at them like I always do. They were nursing on their mother and I did it. I guess I'm just no good? What do you think's going to happen, you do things like that? -What do you think's going to happen, you do things like that? I don't know. End up in the electric chair? -I don't know. End up in the electric chair? Where did you get the gun? -Where did you get the gun? In my mother's drawer. -You know if the boy ever talked to a psychiatrist? Head-shrinker? -Excuse me--but--You know where I can find--I mean I don't remember his last name-- Look--can't you see I'm writing? -I think his first name's Ray--I have to see him. It's very important. What's the charge? -He's not here. He's not at Juvenile Hall. I don't know where he is. He's out on a call and he'll be out all night. How old are you? My parents know I'm out. They know I'm here. -My parents know I'm out. They know I'm here. Come back tomorrow. -Come back tomorrow. I'll wait for him. -I'll wait for him. Why don't you come back tomorrow, son? Ever been booked before? -Hi. Hi there. -Hi there. You remember me? -You remember me? No. I don't think so-- -No. I don't think so-- I'm sorry--I made a mistake. -Boy! What? -What? Once you been up there, you know you been some place! -You shouldn't monkey with him. What? -What? He's a wheel. So's she. It's hard to make friends with them. -He's a wheel. So's she. It's hard to make friends with them. I don't want to make friends. -What's your name! Jim. What's yours? -Jim. What's yours? Plato. It's a nickname. -Listen, I told you not to fool with them. Now they're waiting for you. I know. That's why I came back. -I know. That's why I came back. You scared? -You scared? I just don't want trouble. -I just don't want trouble. He has a knife. -He has a knife. I saw it. Gee, look at that thing swing, will you? Do you think it never stops? -I saw it. Gee, look at that thing swing, will you? Do you think it never stops? No. It's perpetual motion. -No. It's perpetual motion. Oh, I bet some little guy comes in here at night and pushes it. Go- go-go! -I'm here. They're still there! -Jim--Do you think when the end of the world comes it'll be at night? No. In the morning. -Are you really going to meet them? Who knows. Plato? -Who knows. Plato? What? -What? What's a chickie-run? -How'd you get here? I hitched. -I hitched. Boy, I bet you'd go to a hanging. -Boy, I bet you'd go to a hanging. My personality's showing again. Should I leave? -My personality's showing again. Should I leave? No. It's okay. -I got to go in. You better get home too. Hey--what? Why don't you come home with me? I mean nobody's home at my house--and I'm not tired, are you? I don't have many--people I can talk to. -Why don't you come home with me? I mean nobody's home at my house--and I'm not tired, are you? I don't have many--people I can talk to. Who has? -Who has? If you want to come we could talk and then in the morning we could have breakfast like my dad used to-- Gee...if you could only have been my father...we could... -If you want to come we could talk and then in the morning we could have breakfast like my dad used to-- Gee...if you could only have been my father...we could... Hey...you flipped--or something? You better take off... -Hey...you flipped--or something? You better take off... O.K. G'night. I got to pick up my scooter. See you tomorrow. -O.K. G'night. I got to pick up my scooter. See you tomorrow. Yeah. -Jim! Who's that! -Who's that! It's me! -It's me! How'd you find me? What's happening? -How'd you find me? What's happening? They're looking for you!-- -They're looking for you!-- Yeah? -Yeah? Everybody! Crunch and Goon and everybody! I think they're going to kill you. -Everybody! Crunch and Goon and everybody! I think they're going to kill you. We know. -We know. They think you told the police on them. They--who's in there? -They think you told the police on them. They--who's in there? Judy. -Judy. Help me in! -Hey where'd you go? I'm here. Shut up. -I'm here. Shut up. Come out come out wherever you are! -Come out come out wherever you are! Shut up. Are you nuts? -Shut up. Are you nuts? No. I'm scared. -We're safe here. I hope. What do you think? Wow! Well now-there-then! -Isn't it crazy? Wowee ow wow! Let's take it for the summer. -Nobody talks to children! They just tell them one thing and mean another. It's wonderful that you understand so well--and so young too! You know the most wonderful feature about the nursery? -It's wonderful that you understand so well--and so young too! You know the most wonderful feature about the nursery? What? -What? There's only one key. -There's only one key. We'll take it! -We'll take it! Come on! -Let's see how long we can stay under. Man, you're schizoid! -Man, you're schizoid! I'm what? What? -Isn't he schizoid? Hey! How 'bout that! -Haven't you noticed your personality splitting? Not lately. -How do you know so much about this junk, Plato? I had to go to a head-shrinker. I only went twice though. My mother said it cost too much, so she went to Hawaii instead. -I came here before. When was that? -When was that? When I was here? When I ran away. I used to run away a lot but they always took me back. -When I was here? When I ran away. I used to run away a lot but they always took me back. Who? -Who? Mom and Dad. I used to be in my crib and I'd listen to them fight. -Mom and Dad. I used to be in my crib and I'd listen to them fight. You remember that far back? Boy, I can't even remember yesterday. -What you run out on me for! What you leave me alone for? Plato! -I don't want you for my father! Your father! -You crazy nut! You crazy, crazy nut! Get away from me! -Plato? I'm here. -I'm here. Boy, I'm blind as a bat! You got a match? I'm going to break my neck in here. Where are you? -Boy, I'm blind as a bat! You got a match? I'm going to break my neck in here. Where are you? I've got a gun. -I've got a gun. I know. Light a match, will you? -That's swell. How are you? I'm fine. -You think the end of the world will come at nighttime, Jim? No. At dawn. -No. At dawn. Why? -Why? I just have a feeling. Where are you? -I just have a feeling. Where are you? Here. -Here. Well, stop hiding and stand up. I can't talk to you if I don't see you. -I'm not going to hurt you. PLATO Why did you run out on me? We didn't run out. We were coming right back. -We didn't run out. We were coming right back. You sure? -You sure? Sure I'm sure. Judy's waiting. You ready to come out now? -No. I promise nothing'll happen if you do. You want my jacket? It's warm. -Can I keep it? What do you think? -You want to give me your gun now, Plato? My gun? -My gun? In your pocket. Give it to me. -In your pocket. Give it to me. I need it. -I need it. You trust me, don't you? Just give it to me for a second. -You promised to give it back. Friends never break promises, do they? Okay. Here. Now listen. There are a lot of people outside and they all want you to be safe. You understand that? They said I could come in and bring you out. -Friends never break promises, do they? Okay. Here. Now listen. There are a lot of people outside and they all want you to be safe. You understand that? They said I could come in and bring you out. Why? -Why? They like you. Okay? -They like you. Okay? Come on! -Who's that? Just a guard. -Just a guard. I shot at one of them. -I shot at one of them. But you didn't hurt anybody. -Those aren't my friends. Make them go away. Ray! Will you tell these guys to move back? -Plato! Keep away from me! I don't believe you anymore! -What? Stop tearing me apart! You say one thing and he says another and then everybody changes back-- -Stop tearing me apart! You say one thing and he says another and then everybody changes back-- That's a fine way to behave! -I'm sorry. All right, darling. -Sit down and eat--you'll be late. It'd stick in my throat, Mom. I'm nervous or something-- -'Bye, Mom. Goodbye, dear. -What happened, darling. We were so worried. I was going to take a sleeping pill, but I wouldn't till I knew you were home. I have to talk to someone, Mom. I have to talk to you both. And Dad this time you got to give me an answer. -How! It doesn't matter how. I was driving a stolen car-- -It doesn't matter how. I was driving a stolen car-- Do you enjoy doing this to me or what-- -Do you enjoy doing this to me or what-- Mom--I'm not-- -Mom--I'm not-- And you wanted him to make a list! -I told you Dad, it was a question of honor. They called me chicken-- you know, chicken! I had to go or I would never have been able to face any of those kids again. So I got in one of these cars and a boy called Buzz got in the other. We had to drive fast and jump before the cars went over the edge of the bluff. I got out okay but Buzz didn't. He was killed. Good Lord! -Good Lord! I can't keep it to myself anymore-- -What about the other boys--Do you think they'll go to the police? What's that got to do with it? -What's that got to do with it? Why should you be the only one. -No! I don't want you to go to the police! There were other people and why should you be the only one involved! But I am involved! We're all involved, Mom! A boy was killed! I don't see how we can get out of that by pretending it didn't happen! -He's not saying that! He's saying don't volunteer! Just tell a little white lie? -Well, it doesn't matter anyhow-- because we're moving. No! You're not tearing me loose any more. -No! You're not tearing me loose any more. Do I have to spell it out? -Do I have to spell it out? You're not going to use me as an excuse again, Mom. Every time you can't face yourself you want to move and you say it's because of me or the neighborhood or some other phony excuse. Now I want to do one thing right and I'm not letting you run away. Dad? -Jimmy, you're very young--and a foolish decision now could wreck your whole life. Dad--answer her--aren't you going to stand up for me? -Someone should put poison in her epsom salts. Grandma? -Get lost. Hang loose, boy. I'm warning you. -Hang loose, boy. I'm warning you. Wash up and go home. -Wash up and go home. Big tough character. You don't kid me, pal. How come you're not wearing your boots? -Too bad you didn't connect. You could have gone to Juvenile Hall. That's what you want, isn't it? No. -No. Sure it is. You want to bug us till we have to lock you up. Why? -Sure it is. You want to bug us till we have to lock you up. Why? Leave me alone. -Leave me alone. No. -No. I don't know why--! -I don't know why--! Go on--don't give me that. Someone giving you hard looks? -Go on--don't give me that. Someone giving you hard looks? I just get so-- Boy, sometimes the temperature goes way up. RAY Okay. Okay. Let it out. -You feel like you want to blow your wheels right now? All the time! I don't know what gets into me--but I keep looking for trouble and I always--I swear you better lock me up. I'm going to smash somebody--I know it. -All the time! I don't know what gets into me--but I keep looking for trouble and I always--I swear you better lock me up. I'm going to smash somebody--I know it. Try the desk. -That why you moved from the last town? 'Cause you were in trouble? You can talk about it if you want to--I know about it anyway. Routine check. And they think they are protecting my by moving. -And they think they are protecting my by moving. You were getting a good start in the wrong direction back there. Why did you do it? -You were getting a good start in the wrong direction back there. Why did you do it? Mess that kid up? -He called me chicken. And your folks didn't understand? -And your folks didn't understand? They never do. -They never do. So then you moved? -So then you moved? They think I'll make friends if we move. Just move and everything'll be roses and sunshine. -They think I'll make friends if we move. Just move and everything'll be roses and sunshine. But you don't think that's a solution. -Things pretty tough for you at home? She eats him alive and he takes it. -What a zoo! What? -What? A zoo. He always wants to be my pal, you know? But how can I give him anything when he's--I mean I love him and I don't want to hurt him--but I don't know what to do anymore except maybe die. -A zoo. He always wants to be my pal, you know? But how can I give him anything when he's--I mean I love him and I don't want to hurt him--but I don't know what to do anymore except maybe die. Pretty mixed up? -Pretty mixed up? If he could-- -If he could-- """If he could"" what? You mean your father?" -"""If he could"" what? You mean your father?" I mean if he had the guts to knock Mom cold once I bet she'd be happy and I bet she'd stop picking. They make mush out of him. Just mush. One thing I know is I never want to be like him. -I mean if he had the guts to knock Mom cold once I bet she'd be happy and I bet she'd stop picking. They make mush out of him. Just mush. One thing I know is I never want to be like him. Chicken? -Chicken? I bet you see right through me, don't you? -How can anyone grow up in this circus? You got me, Jim--but they do. Want some water? -You got me, Jim--but they do. Want some water? Boy--if I had one day when I didn't have to be all confused and ashamed of everything--or I felt I belonged some place. -Boy--if I had one day when I didn't have to be all confused and ashamed of everything--or I felt I belonged some place. Here. Look, will you do something for me? If the pot starts boiling again, will you come and see me before you get yourself in a jam? Even if you just want to talk--come in and shoot the breeze. It's easier sometimes than talking to your folks. -Here. Look, will you do something for me? If the pot starts boiling again, will you come and see me before you get yourself in a jam? Even if you just want to talk--come in and shoot the breeze. It's easier sometimes than talking to your folks. Okay-- -Okay-- Any time--day or night. You calmed down enough to go back now? -Any time--day or night. You calmed down enough to go back now? You serious? -Hey! That's enough static out of you. Want me to imitate a stupid cop? -Want me to imitate a stupid cop? Cut it out now. I'm warning you. -Cut it out now. I'm warning you. Yes, ma'am. -Assault with a deadly weapon. Listen-- -Plato! Just walk over here quietly now-- and there won't be any trouble. -Hi. I saw you before. Bully for you. -Bully for you. You don't have to be unfriendly. -You don't have to be unfriendly. Now that's true! -Now that's true! See? -See? """Life is crushing in on me.""" -"""Life is crushing in on me.""" """Life can be beautiful."" Hey, I know where it was." -"""Life can be beautiful."" Hey, I know where it was." Where what was. -Where what was. Where I saw you. Everything going okay now? You live around here? -Where I saw you. Everything going okay now? You live around here? Who lives? -Who lives? See, I'm new. -See, I'm new. Won't mother be proud. -Won't mother be proud. You're really flipped--aren't you. -Where's Dawson High School? You going there? -You going there? Yeah--why-- -Yeah--why-- Dig the square wardrobe! -Dig the square wardrobe! Yeah. So where's the high school? -Yeah. So where's the high school? University and 10th--Want to carry my books? -The kids take me. Oh. -I'll bet you're a real yo yo. A what? -A what? Goodbye! See you! -Goodbye! See you! I'm not so bad. -They'll be looking for you. They saw where I jumped! I didn't chicken! What do I have to do-- kill myself? -They saw where I jumped! I didn't chicken! What do I have to do-- kill myself? It doesn't matter to them. -It doesn't matter to them. You were looking for me, weren't you? -You were looking for me, weren't you? No--I was just--maybe-- -No--I was just--maybe-- I tried to call you before. JUDY I thought so. -You still pretty upset? I'm numb. -You cold? Even if I'm near a fire, I'm cold. I guess just about everybody's cold. -Even if I'm near a fire, I'm cold. I guess just about everybody's cold. I swear, sometimes, you just want to hold onto somebody! Judy, what am I going to do? I can't go home again. -I swear, sometimes, you just want to hold onto somebody! Judy, what am I going to do? I can't go home again. Neither can I. -Neither can I. No? Why not? You know something? Sometimes I figure I'll never live to see my next birthday. Isn't that dumb? -No? Why not? You know something? Sometimes I figure I'll never live to see my next birthday. Isn't that dumb? No. -No. "Every day I look in the mirror and say, ""What? You still here?"" Man!" -Like even today. I woke up this morning, you know? And the sun was shining and everything was nice. Then the first thing that happens is I see you and I thought this is going to be one terrific day so you better live it up, boy, 'cause tomorrow maybe you'll be nothing. I'm sorry I treated you mean today. You shouldn't believe what I say when I'm with the kids. Nobody acts sincere. -I'm sorry I treated you mean today. You shouldn't believe what I say when I'm with the kids. Nobody acts sincere. Why'd you get mixed up with them? You don't have to prove anything. -Why'd you get mixed up with them? You don't have to prove anything. If you knew me you wouldn't say that. -If you knew me you wouldn't say that. I don't think you trust anybody, do you? -I don't think you trust anybody, do you? Why? -Why? I'm getting that way, too. -I'm getting that way, too. Have you ever gone with anyone who-- -Have you ever gone with anyone who-- Sure. Lots of times. -Sure. Lots of times. So have I. But I've never been in love. Isn't that awful? -So have I. But I've never been in love. Isn't that awful? Awful? No. It's just lonely. It's the loneliest time. -Why did you do that? I felt like it. -I felt like it. Your lips are soft when you kiss. -Where you going? I don't know, but we can't stay here. -I don't know, but we can't stay here. Where can we go? I can't go back into that zoo. -Where can we go? I can't go back into that zoo. I'm never going back. -I'm never going back. Listen! I know a place! PLATO showed me before. An old deserted mansion near the planetarium Would you go with me? -You can trust me, Judy. I feel as if I'm walking under water. -Oh, Jim! No--come on. Should we rent or are we in a buying mood, dear? -No--come on. Should we rent or are we in a buying mood, dear? You decide, darling. Remember our budget. -Why don't we just rent it for the season? You see, we've just--oh, you tell him, darling. I'm so embarrassed I could die! -You see, we've just--oh, you tell him, darling. I'm so embarrassed I could die! Well--we're newlyweds. -Well--we're newlyweds. There's just one thing. What about-- -Of course. Drown them like puppies. See, we're very modern. -You can't talk underwater! I bet you hear everything I say! -Ever been in a place like this before? Not exactly. It's certainly huge. -Not exactly. It's certainly huge. How many rooms do you think there are? -How many rooms do you think there are? I don't know. -I don't know. Should we explore? -Want to read any books? Take your pick! Isn't this the craziest? Hi. -Hi. Hi. -What? Your hand's all wet and it's shaky. You're so funny. -Your hand's all wet and it's shaky. You're so funny. Why? -Why? I don't know--you just are. Leaving a light for Plato. That was nice. -I don't know--you just are. Leaving a light for Plato. That was nice. Maybe he's scared of the dark. -Maybe he's scared of the dark. Are you? -Here we are-- out of cigarettes-- Junior's in the nurs'ry-- See how late it gets-- You don't need to do that. -You don't need to do that. There's something I should tell you, Judy. -There's something I should tell you, Judy. I know already. We don't have to pretend now. -I know already. We don't have to pretend now. What a relief! -Is this what it's like to love somebody? You disappointed? -You disappointed? Funny Jimmy. You're so clean and you--this is silly. -Funny Jimmy. You're so clean and you--this is silly. What? -What? You smell like baby powder. -You smell like baby powder. So do you. -So do you. I never felt so clean before. -I never felt so clean before. It's not going to be lonely, Judy. Not for you and not for me. -It's not going to be lonely, Judy. Not for you and not for me. I love somebody. All the time I've been looking for someone to love me and now--I love somebody. And it's so easy. Why is it easy now? -I love somebody. All the time I've been looking for someone to love me and now--I love somebody. And it's so easy. Why is it easy now? It is for me too. -It is for me too. I love you, Jim. I really mean it. -No! We have to go back! -We have to go back! No! I got to find him. -After he tried to shoot you? He didn't mean it--we shouldn't have left him. He needed us. -He didn't mean it--we shouldn't have left him. He needed us. He needed you, maybe. So do I. -You should have heard him talk about you tonight. Like you were the hero in the China Seas. Sure. He was trying to make us his family. -Sure. He was trying to make us his family. They're killing him! -Is he your friend? Yes. My best friend. -Yes. My best friend. What's he like? -What's he like? Oh, I don't know. You have to get to know him. He doesn't say much but when he does you know he means it. He's sincere. -Oh, I don't know. You have to get to know him. He doesn't say much but when he does you know he means it. He's sincere. Well, that's the main thing--don't you think so? -Well, that's the main thing--don't you think so? "Maybe next summer he's going to take me hunting with him--and fishing. I want him to teach me how and I bet he won't get mad if I goof. His name's Jim. It's really James but he likes Jim more. People he really likes--he lets call him ""Jamie.""" -"Maybe next summer he's going to take me hunting with him--and fishing. I want him to teach me how and I bet he won't get mad if I goof. His name's Jim. It's really James but he likes Jim more. People he really likes--he lets call him ""Jamie.""" Want to finish my hamburger? I only took a bite. -Want to finish my hamburger? I only took a bite. Okay. -Don't give it a thought. Only three million dollars a month! Oh, we can manage that! I'll scrimp and save and work my fingers to the bone... -Children? Well, we really don't encourage them. They're so noisy and troublesome, don't you agree? Yes. And so terribly annoying when they cry. I just don't know what to do when they cry, do you dear? -Shall I show you the nursery? It's far away from the rest of the house. If you have children--Oh I hate the word!--or if you decide to adopt one--they can carry on and you'll never even notice. In fact, if you lock them in you never have to see them again, much less talk to them. Talk to them! Heavens! -Plato, where's your father now? He's dead. He was a hero in the China Sea. JIM You told me he's a big wheel in New York! -He's dead. He was a hero in the China Sea. JIM You told me he's a big wheel in New York! I did? Well, he might as well be dead. What's the difference? -I did? Well, he might as well be dead. What's the difference? It's all right. -Hi, Plato! Hi. -Judy--we're ready for you now. He hates me. -He hates me. What? -What? He hates me. -What makes you think he hates you, Judy? I don't think. I know. He looks at me like I'm the ugliest thing in the world. He doesn't like my friends--he-- -He makes you feel pretty unhappy? He calls me a dirty tramp--my own father! -He calls me a dirty tramp--my own father! Do you think your father means that? -Do you think your father means that? Yes! I don't know! I mean maybe he doesn't mean it but he acts like he does. We're altogether and we're going to celebrate Easter and catch a double bill. Big deal. So I put on my new dress and I came out and he-- -Yes! I don't know! I mean maybe he doesn't mean it but he acts like he does. We're altogether and we're going to celebrate Easter and catch a double bill. Big deal. So I put on my new dress and I came out and he-- That one? -That one? Yes--he started yelling for a handkerchief--screaming. He grabbed my face and he rubbed all my lipstick off--he rubbed till I thought I wouldn't have any lips left. And all the time yelling at me--that thing--the thing I told you he called me. Then I ran out of the house. -Yes--he started yelling for a handkerchief--screaming. He grabbed my face and he rubbed all my lipstick off--he rubbed till I thought I wouldn't have any lips left. And all the time yelling at me--that thing--the thing I told you he called me. Then I ran out of the house. Is that why you were wandering around at one o'clock in the morning? -Is that why you were wandering around at one o'clock in the morning? I was just talking a walk. I tried to call the kids but everybody was out and I couldn't find them. I hate my life. I just hate it. -I was just talking a walk. I tried to call the kids but everybody was out and I couldn't find them. I hate my life. I just hate it. You weren't looking for company, were you? -You weren't looking for company, were you? No. -No. Did you stop to talk to anyone, Judy? Do you enjoy that? -Did you stop to talk to anyone, Judy? Do you enjoy that? No. I don't even know why I do it. -No. I don't even know why I do it. Do you think you can get back at your Dad that way? I mean sometimes if we can't get as close to somebody as we'd like we have to try making them jealous--so they'll have to pay attention. Did you ever think of that? -Do you think you can get back at your Dad that way? I mean sometimes if we can't get as close to somebody as we'd like we have to try making them jealous--so they'll have to pay attention. Did you ever think of that? I'll never get close to anybody. -I'll never get close to anybody. Some kids stomped a man on Twelfth Street, Judy. -Some kids stomped a man on Twelfth Street, Judy. You know where they picked me up! Twelfth Street! I wasn't even near there! -You know where they picked me up! Twelfth Street! I wasn't even near there! Would you like to go home if we can arrange it? Did you notify the parents? -Your mother will be down in a few minutes, Judy-- What? -What? Your mother will be down in a few minutes. -Your mother will be down in a few minutes. My mother? -She's being called for. You said you'd call my father. -You said you'd call my father. Goodbye, Judy. Take it easy. -How did you know that? We used to sing it in school. Don't look at me with such horror. They had schools in those days. -We used to sing it in school. Don't look at me with such horror. They had schools in those days. But the same song. I think it's fantastic! -But the same song. I think it's fantastic! We were romantic then too-- -We were romantic then too-- Are you and Mom home tonight? -Are you and Mom home tonight? No. Why? -No. Why? Nothing, only it'd be nice to spend an evening together for a change. -Nothing, only it'd be nice to spend an evening together for a change. With us old creeps? Come on, we have to eat. -With us old creeps? Come on, we have to eat. Daddy-- -Good evening. Hi. -Didn't you forget something? What? -You're too old for that kind of stuff, kiddo. I thought you stopped doing that long ago. I didn't want to stop. -I was talking to Dad. I didn't kiss her so it's a big thing. -I guess I just don't understand anything. I'm tired, Judy. I'd like to change the subject. -I'm tired, Judy. I'd like to change the subject. Why? -Why? I'd like to, that's all. Girls your age don't do that. You need an explanation? -I'd like to, that's all. Girls your age don't do that. You need an explanation? Girls don't love their father? Since when? Since I got to be sixteen? -So. This is the guy you been waiting for. Man of your dreams. Gabriel -- ! -Gabriel -- ! Must have a way with stationery. -Must have a way with stationery. Gabriel, what are you doing! -You better be here to be good to her, loverboy. 'Cause she's been good to you. Gabriel, let him go -- -Gabriel, let him go -- Read a lot about you, Nick. -Read a lot about you, Nick. What are you doing here?! -What are you doing here?! Read you're a man of some knowledge. -Read you're a man of some knowledge. Gabriel! -Gabriel! A man of some travels. -A man of some travels. GABRIEL, I LOVE HIM! -Is this him!? Don't hurt him... -Don't hurt him... Is this the fucker you been writing all year!? -Is this the fucker you been writing all year!? Please, Gabriel, don't... -IS THIS NICK MASON!!?? YES!!! -Gabriel, you promised! I promised that when he helped us, we'd be gone! When he helped us! Loverboy don't want to play! -You promised me! And you promised me you'd get your sweetheart to help! -He'd rather die than be with you, he'd make a fucked-up boyfriend anyway. Bury him all over the place. NO! -Gabriel! You said talk to him. That's all you ever said... We're talking, aren't we? -He wants the money. No, baby. He wants me. -"He wants... your ""sister""..." ...whoever she is. -All those letters are about to pay off, baby... all those letters... To all those cons... -To all those cons... Searching for a money man... -Searching for a money man... We musta written what, twenty of 'em? And they were before this guy. One, two letters apiece, ten to the racetrack guy in Leavenworth -- -We musta written what, twenty of 'em? And they were before this guy. One, two letters apiece, ten to the racetrack guy in Leavenworth -- -- till he fucked his parole -- --- till he fucked his parole -- -- plus the forty to Mason... how many letters is that? --- plus the forty to Mason... how many letters is that? That's a book, baby. That's a book of love. -I can't take watching you touch him. I can't take his hands on you. One more day, baby. One more day to Christmas. -One more day, baby. One more day to Christmas. I've been doing good, though. -I've been doing good, though. Didn't have to hit me so fucking hard. Didn't have to throw me outta the goddamn truck. -Didn't have to hit me so fucking hard. Didn't have to throw me outta the goddamn truck. Didn't have to send me down a fucking mountain. -Didn't have to send me down a fucking mountain. What, he should see me help you catch him? -He's shown us the setup, he's drawn us the map, he's helped us do the plan. He wants a gun, give him a gun. Take the bullets out, whatever, but give him the gun. The more manpower we've got in there, the better. He won't try and make his move till the money's in hand. He'll be dead when he does. -Y'know something, baby? If you were my sister? I'd still want to wake up Christmas morning with you... Mmm, baby. And I'd still want to be the tinsel round your tree... -Gabriel! That's for the hundred bucks worth of pay-per-view. And that's for the two hundred you took outta your minibar. -You can't find... what? Toys for adults. Where are your toys for adults? -Toys for adults. Where are your toys for adults? Toys for... adults? -Toys for... adults? C'mon. How old are you, sixteen? C'mon. -C'mon. How old are you, sixteen? C'mon. We sell children's toys -- -We sell children's toys -- I got fifty dollars to spend in your store, Jesus of Nazareth. Can you help me or not? -Slinky's in aisle five, Twister's in aisle one, Moon Mud's in aisle four. Thank you. -Gotta be ten degrees out there. Radio said negative five. -Radio said negative five. Negative five? -Negative five? Yeah. -Yeah. I don't think it's negative five. -I don't think it's negative five. Radio said. -I figured you walked outta there and saw me and walked right the other way -- No, no -- -No, no -- Saw my outfit or something, my coat -- -Saw my outfit or something, my coat -- No, hey, I like your coat -- -No, hey, I like your coat -- Saw me -- -Saw me -- Ashley, no. That was me, that's what I was scared of. I mean, be serious... I ain't exactly looking like Mr. Universe here. -Ashley, no. That was me, that's what I was scared of. I mean, be serious... I ain't exactly looking like Mr. Universe here. You are to me. -Thought you wrote you had a mustache. I can get another one going. Y'know, hey, whatever you want me to -- -I can get another one going. Y'know, hey, whatever you want me to -- No, no, no. Be like you want to be. -Do that again. What. -What. Smile. -No -- One more. Smile. One more. -One more. Smile. One more. No, c'mon -- -No, c'mon -- I've been dreaming about that smile, Ashley Mercer. For a long time. -Tell me something. This the first time you've ever done this? Go to hell, Nick Mason, what's that supposed to mean -- -Go to hell, Nick Mason, what's that supposed to mean -- No, not that, no... I mean this, the whole thing. Start writing to a guy, guy in the bricks. Get a boyfriend like this. Tell me the truth. -No, not that, no... I mean this, the whole thing. Start writing to a guy, guy in the bricks. Get a boyfriend like this. Tell me the truth. Well. You're not the first guy I wrote to. But you're the only one I kept writing to. -Well. You're not the first guy I wrote to. But you're the only one I kept writing to. Yeah. Me too. Why? I mean I know why for me, why I paid for the ad. But you... why start writing to some guy -- some con -- you don't even know? -I told you, Nick. Remember? Tell me again. -Tell me again. All the guys I've ever been with... they never want to know me. Who I am on the inside. They just want to qet inside. When they do, they think that means they know who I am. That I trust them. That they know me. That there's nothing left to learn. A guy like you, Nick -- six months before you can even touch my face. I figure a guy in that kind of bind, he's gonna hafta work to get to know me some other way. -All the guys I've ever been with... they never want to know me. Who I am on the inside. They just want to qet inside. When they do, they think that means they know who I am. That I trust them. That they know me. That there's nothing left to learn. A guy like you, Nick -- six months before you can even touch my face. I figure a guy in that kind of bind, he's gonna hafta work to get to know me some other way. Had some bad relationships, didn't you. -Had some bad relationships, didn't you. Not bad. Just regular. You wrote me wonderful things, Nick. Personal things. -Well, wasn't all me, y'know. Yes it was all you -- -Yes it was all you -- Guy I was in with... he helped sometimes... some of the romantic stuff, actually... you'd like him -- -Guy I was in with... he helped sometimes... some of the romantic stuff, actually... you'd like him -- I'm talking about the heart, Nick. I'm not talking about the words. -I'm talking about the heart, Nick. I'm not talking about the words. Y'know, some of the heart mighta been his too... -Y'know, some of the heart mighta been his too... Then he shoulda signed his name. -Where the hell are you going? Provisions! We are not leaving that motel room again till after New Year's: we need ten days worth of provisions! What's good?! -Ashley, Jesus -- Can't survive on our bodies alone, Nick. Hurry up! -Can't survive on our bodies alone, Nick. Hurry up! Ash... didn't you write me that you don't eat chocolate? -Ash... didn't you write me that you don't eat chocolate? Yeah, well you wrote me you were six- foot-four, baby. So don't talk to me about little white lies. -You need a COAT! Ash, you've gotten me enough -- -Ash, you've gotten me enough -- No boyfriend of mine is going to walk around in negative-five degree wind chill without a goddamn good- looking coat! -Baby, c'mon, all this stuff... I haven't gotten you anything -- You got out, Nick. You're here. You're my Christmas. -You forget where I work? Beauty and fragrances. -Beauty and fragrances. Fifty percent off, motherfucker. Ho ho ho. -Well, I don't know about that -- Blackjack, Nick, blackjack I am good at. I mean, they'd give us some free games or something, wouldn't they? Since you worked there? -Blackjack, Nick, blackjack I am good at. I mean, they'd give us some free games or something, wouldn't they? Since you worked there? Security, Ash, I just worked security. They wouldn't be rolling out the red carpet -- -Security, Ash, I just worked security. They wouldn't be rolling out the red carpet -- And the slots, slots I'm good at too. Wouldn't that be fun? -And the slots, slots I'm good at too. Wouldn't that be fun? We'll have more fun in Detroit. -We'll have more fun in Detroit. We could live it up and -- -We could live it up and -- Ashley. We're not going anywhere I used to work. -Baby, I'm gonna go tell 'em not to disturb us for the rest of the year. I get back in that room, you better be wearing nothing but a candy cane. I'll see what I can do. -I'll see what I can do. No, lover. I'll see what you can do. -NO! NICK! -I'm not him. I... You want something from Nick, you got the wrong guy. Nick... -I won't let 'em, Nick. They won't hurt you anymore. Your brother... -...the truck driver... He's not a bad person, Nick... he's not... -Since Janey moved in... Gabriel... he's come over more and more. To the apartment. Janey's the divorced one, 'member, with the tit job -- What the fuck is going on. -What the fuck is going on. He read the letters, Nick. Some day I wasn't there. He went through my room. He found your letters. -He read the letters, Nick. Some day I wasn't there. He went through my room. He found your letters. What's going ON!!! -You motherfucker. Nick, no -- -Nick, no -- You sold him out. -You sold him out. Nick -- -Nick -- When'd you decide to do it, Ash? After which of his letters, huh? The fortieth? The fiftieth? The first?! -When'd you decide to do it, Ash? After which of his letters, huh? The fortieth? The fiftieth? The first?! Nick, what are you -- -I'M NOT NICK! You thought you'd fuck him over?! Well he's fucked you! I've never worked at some casino! I can't help you! Because he's not me! Nick, I love you -- -Nick, I love you -- JESUS CHRIST! -Get the hell off of me! Nick, it won't work. It won't work! -He'll kill you. You're not hearing me here -- -You're not hearing me here -- My brother's killed people, I know he has. Truckers. If you talk him into thinking you're not you, you'll only get yourself dead. -My brother's killed people, I know he has. Truckers. If you talk him into thinking you're not you, you'll only get yourself dead. "He didn't ""find"" Nick's letters, did he." -"He didn't ""find"" Nick's letters, did he." Nick, please, it's me -- -Nick, please, it's me -- You told him about Nick's letters. -You told him about Nick's letters. No, Nick, no -- -No, Nick, no -- You're in on this. -You're in on this. I love you! -Your pen palls dead, lady. If you say that, if you keep saying that, they will kill you. If they think you're not you, they will kill you. Don't you see? I know what you're doing, but it won't work! -If you say that, if you keep saying that, they will kill you. If they think you're not you, they will kill you. Don't you see? I know what you're doing, but it won't work! Nick died for me.... -Nick died for me.... I won't let him hurt you! He just wants what you know! -I won't let him hurt you! He just wants what you know! ...maybe I die for Nick... -...maybe I die for Nick... Just tell him what you know, Nick! That's all they want! And we'll get out of this! -Gabriel! Canada. -They changed the layout -- whadda they call you? Mr. Monster? They remodeled the place. When I worked there -- listen to me -- guy that managed the joint, guy who ran it-- Jack. Jack Bangs. -Jack. Jack Bangs. Right, Jack Bangs. Uh... guy was always talking bout fixing the place up. Maybe get a better crowd. Musta gone and done it while I was in the Mountain. I don't know this map, man. How the hell am I supposed to tell you what door goes where? -"He said he wanted to talk to you. When he found the letters... he said ""when your boyfriend gets out, I wanna talk to him."" I thought he meant back in Detroit. I thought he meant --" But you knew why. Knew why, didn't ya. -I thought we'd have a few more days. "For what? You to talk me into ""helping""? What, he promise you a share of the winnings?" -"For what? You to talk me into ""helping""? What, he promise you a share of the winnings?" No! -No! Well, shit, Judas, you shoulda at least gotten that -- -Well, shit, Judas, you shoulda at least gotten that -- Nick! He wants to know how to rob it, and he'll leave you alone! That's all he wants! I hate him, Nick... you know how... -Nick! He wants to know how to rob it, and he'll leave you alone! That's all he wants! I hate him, Nick... you know how... So get him outta your life. Get out of Michigan. They got perfume counters in Chicago, don't they? -So get him outta your life. Get out of Michigan. They got perfume counters in Chicago, don't they? Not without you. -Since when do some trucker pals start thinking big, anyway? They run routes mostly east, retail stuff, warehouses. But Gabriel knows some guys in New York, Miami, guys he helps get guns to Detroit. Hides 'em with his regular loads. -They run routes mostly east, retail stuff, warehouses. But Gabriel knows some guys in New York, Miami, guys he helps get guns to Detroit. Hides 'em with his regular loads. He working for them on this one? -He working for them on this one? No. He wants to be working for himself someday. -No. He wants to be working for himself someday. And I'm his ticket. What's the last place they took down? -And I'm his ticket. What's the last place they took down? What? -What? Gabriel and his guys. What's the last place they robbed? -They've never done a robbery? They're truck drivers. -Then they do need me, don't they. They really need me... We're gonna get out of here, Nick. We're gonna get out of this... -We're gonna get out of here, Nick. We're gonna get out of this... "We? What ""we""..." -Get your own room, Ashley. Nick... -Nick... Get your own room. -So does it look a lot different? Here and there. Restaurant, uh, that's the main expansion. Tables've been moved around; the big man's office, I dunno, might be upstairs now. -That guy knows you? Yeah, uh. Mike. That's Mike. -Nick, what happened -- There went my... damn... well, doesn't seem like security's all that switched... Ash, shit, this mustache is starting to fall off. I gotta fix this thing -- -- drink this for me. -We get to the bridge, we're all right! Nick, the ice is -- -Nick, the ice is -- Get to the bridge! HEY! HEY! DOWN HERE! -Jesus Christ, stay here, don't move, stay right here -- All I wanted... was to make it home... for a little of Dad's turkey, and Mom's stuffing... Aunt Lisbeth's acorn gravy... Aunt Mary's cranberry buns... -We'll get there, baby... we'll get there... ...Haven't had cranberry buns... in five whole years... -...Haven't had cranberry buns... in five whole years... Shh, now. Rest now. Two years, Nick. You haven't had cranberry buns in two years. -You saved my life. You could have run, but you didn't. You saved me. You saved me. -You saved me. I saved you because I love you, Nick. Why'd you save me? -I'm sorry, Nick... I'm so sorry... Don't say my name... -Don't say my name... I love you, Nick... -I love you, Nick... Ash. Don't say it. Don't say my name. -They'll have guns. What? -What? You said they've run guns, in their trucks. So they'll have guns. To do this robbery. They'll have serious guns. -You said they've run guns, in their trucks. So they'll have guns. To do this robbery. They'll have serious guns. I don't know... -I don't know... We'll need one. -I'm going to have to be inside that casino. When it happens. I'll need to be part of it. I can't just be drawing some map. Nick, what are you talking about? -Nick, what are you talking about? We need to find a way to make me part of it. -We need to find a way to make me part of it. Part of... with them? -He wants to see your map. I'm almost done. -I'm almost done. He says he wants it now. -He says he wants it now. If he wanted a photographic memory, he shoulda kidnapped one. I'm working on it here. -How are we gonna do this, Nick? You're the getaway girl. The money's gonna get to you eventually. Gonna be my job to be the guy who walks outta there with it. But I can't do that without a gun. Any luck talking to him? -You're the getaway girl. The money's gonna get to you eventually. Gonna be my job to be the guy who walks outta there with it. But I can't do that without a gun. Any luck talking to him? Bullets or no bullets, he won't do it. -Bullets or no bullets, he won't do it. Is there any way you could get into his truck? -Is there any way you could get into his truck? No. -No. We need a gun, Ash. We need a gun... -Here's the Picasso. Is he in his room? They all are. Football's on. -They all are. Football's on. Keep 'em there for a little while. -I don't know where you're going. But I'm going home. We go together, Nick. Wherever... we go together. Remember? -We go together, Nick. Wherever... we go together. Remember? Well. I'm going home. -WHERE'S THE FUCKING CASH, NICK! Yeah. That's love. -You... you... YOU -- We still gonna spend Christmas together? -I saved your life. You shouldn't have. -You shouldn't have. He did love you, you know. Nick. He did love you. -He did love you, you know. Nick. He did love you. Who wouldn't. -Merry Christmas, Rudy. I'm glad it was me. -I'm glad it was me. Merry Christmas. -What? Rudy. How'd you know my name? -Rudy. How'd you know my name? What are you talking about? -You said Merry Christmas, Rudy. I... you told me your name was Rudy. You told me a million times, back in the truck, telling me you weren't Nick -- -I... you told me your name was Rudy. You told me a million times, back in the truck, telling me you weren't Nick -- No -- -No -- You were screaming you weren't Nick! And we just didn't fucking believe you! -You were screaming you weren't Nick! And we just didn't fucking believe you! But I never said Rudy. -But I never said Rudy. You said it a million times! -You said it a million times! I never told you my name. -You... you don't know me -- Oh, I know you, Nick. I know you real well. -Oh, I know you, Nick. I know you real well. No, you can't -- -No, you can't -- The hell I can't. -Who are you now. You got the wrong guy! She thinks I'm Nick, I'm not! -You got the wrong guy! She thinks I'm Nick, I'm not! Put him in the truck. -Put him in the truck. I was in the joint with him! I knew about him and her, okay!? I took his place! -I was in the joint with him! I knew about him and her, okay!? I took his place! You what... -You what... I got out, Nick didn't! I pretended I was him! I knew about her letters! Jesus Christ, whatever you want from him -- I'm not Nick! I -- I just wanted to be -- -You're not Nick Mason... I shared his cell! -I shared his cell! But you were saying you were... -But you were saying you were... Yes! -Yes! So you could get with my sister. -So you could get with my sister. Yes! -Yes! So you could get down her chimney. -So you could get down her chimney. Yes! -Yes! And you think telling me that's gonna help your cause. -You're a good writer, Nick. I give this writing an A-plus. I never worked at no casino. -Hey. She says she loves you, Nick. She says a lot of things. -She says a lot of things. She's getting you to help us... 'cause she knows if you don't, you're dead. You just tell us what we need to know, you two live happily ever after. My sister loves you, motherfucker, and I ain't gonna have you break her heart. -She's getting you to help us... 'cause she knows if you don't, you're dead. You just tell us what we need to know, you two live happily ever after. My sister loves you, motherfucker, and I ain't gonna have you break her heart. Wish I had a brother like you. -Wish I had a brother like you. A girl says she loves you, you say something. -I had better sex in prison. Heyyy. Be nice, convict. We're gonna be working together here. Get him back in the rig. -Where's she work? What? -What? Wrote you a hundred letters, didn't she? Where's she work? -Wrote you a hundred letters, didn't she? Where's she work? J.C. Penney. Beauty and fragrances. -J.C. Penney. Beauty and fragrances. What's her middle name? -What's her middle name? Samantha. -Samantha. What'd they call her in high school? -What'd they call her in high school? Bam Bam. -Bam Bam. What'd they call her in college? -What'd they call her in college? What college. -What college. Where'd she drop her cherry? -Be more specific. A station wagon in Canada. -A station wagon in Canada. What's her greatest fear? -What's her greatest fear? Her brother. -Her brother. Wrong, Nick. It's drowning. -Wrong, Nick. It's drowning. No. It's her brother. -Let's get back on the road. It's time to start talking, Nick. Time to start telling tales -- Nick don't talk till Nick gets something. -You knew the place -- Hey. -How much money's in that casino? Day-to-day. I don't know. -I don't know. The hell you don't. -The hell you don't. Five million? -Five million? You wrote Ash that letter, you told her that story 'bout working Christmas Eve, bout how they'd send half the security guys home, nobody comin, in that night. And the rest of you got shit-faced drinking hot buttered rum. That a true story now? -You wrote Ash that letter, you told her that story 'bout working Christmas Eve, bout how they'd send half the security guys home, nobody comin, in that night. And the rest of you got shit-faced drinking hot buttered rum. That a true story now? Christmas... Eve... -Christmas... Eve... You know where the guards are. You know how to get in and out. You know where the money is. We're taking down that casino, convict. You're the guy gonna tell us how. -Hey, it's... been two years -- We got faith in you, Nick Mason. You're our inside man. -Hell. Ten? And which of these doors here lead up to the security level? -What? I said, who the hell made the map? -I said, who the hell made the map? I did. -I did. This isn't the Tomahawk. -This isn't the Tomahawk. What the fuck are you talking about. -What the fuck are you talking about. This is the front entrance, right? You get through the slots, you hit craps here, not blackjack. Blackjack's here to here -- lined up. What's this, the cage? Cage is over there, hard to get to, you got it all mixed around -- -We walked the place for a week. And I worked there. For a year. -They wouldn't have changed the security setup. When I worked there, this was Bangs, office. Back here. He kept a little safe in the... uh, the wall, money held take for himself, skim from the Indians. Called it the... uh... ...the Powwow Safe. -So what the hell good are you... You'd have to get me inside. Get inside, watch where the money's moving, see where the guards are going. Then I could work with your map. -You'd have to get me inside. Get inside, watch where the money's moving, see where the guards are going. Then I could work with your map. Wrong, convict. You walk in there, they recognize you. -They won't recognize me. Why not. -Why not. Trust me. They won't recognize me. -Trust me. They won't recognize me. We'll trust you when we're rich. Why not. -We'll trust you when we're rich. Why not. 'Cause you're gonna get me a disguise. -Bring back some memories, Nick? More than you know. -Rather be back in the Mountain? Might as well be. -Might as well be. Don't have Weather Channel in the Mountain, Nick. -A cowboy. You're going to send me into an Indian casino disguised as a cowboy. Have you thought this entirely through? Put it on. -You're a country-western singer up from Nashville for the the holidays. Visiting your Grandma on the lake, driving into the Tomahawk for some scotch and slots. You only play the slots, you got that? Don't want no dealer friend of yours recognizing you, you sidle up to shoot some craps. What kind of half-ass cowboy plays the slots? -What kind of half-ass cowboy plays the slots? You do. -You do. At least gimme video poker. -At least gimme video poker. Shut the fuck up. You play what your girlfriend plays. Ashley's going in with you. You talk to her, otherwise you don't talk to nobody. You walk the room as many times as you want, but the second you come out, I want to know the run of the place. -Do I get a country-western name? You get recognized, convict, You get a country-western funeral. -Y'know what, guys? I woke up this morning, I got a really lucky feeling going on. I mean it, I'm feeling that good. I wouldn't be surprised if I walk in there, pull a handle and hit jackpot. Hell, we wouldn't even have to -- Get out. -You got one hour. I'm gonna need some money. -Ten dollars? What do I do with ten dollars? Don't tip. -Don't tip. Monster. If we're working together here, we gotta be working together. I can't walk in there looking like the Lone Fucking Ranger with ten bucks to throw down. You don't want me getting noticed, right? Not getting noticed costs a guy at least a couple hundred. -A for effort, Nick, honestly, A for effort and an honorary degree. I'm surprised you never escaped from the Mountain. ...never... tried... -...never... tried... Nick, here's what we're gonna do. In the spirit of the season, I'm going to give you a chance. I understand you're unhappy. Right outta the lockup, here against your will, it's the holidays and there's reruns on TV. So we're gonna have a contest. -Got something to say to me, Nick? ...ttt..tt... two out of three? -What'd you tell that casino manager? Nnn... nothing... -Nnn... nothing... You were talking to him! What'd you tell him!? -You were talking to him! What'd you tell him!? Nothing... I promise-nothing... -Nothing... I promise-nothing... MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT A ROBBERY? -MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT A ROBBERY? NO! -He thought I was some gambler... he didn't know me... he didn't recognize me! I been driving rigs a long time, Nick. Four, five million miles of road. Worked for people who wouldn't keep me on less I was driving fifteen hours a day. Tell 'em I needed sleep, I needed rest, shit, they'll hire someone else... -It's time for me... to be working for me. I want mine, Nick. And I need you. Did you tell your manager there's gonna be a robbery? No, Gabriel... no... -Man, Monster... just... just don't start trying to hit me... Nick. I been trying to hit you. -Start singing. I have no gifts to bring, pa-rumpum- pum-pum -I have no gifts to bring, pa-rumpum- pum-pum Sing it in pictures, Nick. -Across from blackjack, there's a security doorway. Keypad access. What's the code? -What's the code? Uh... they change it every month. I wouldn't know. If there's trouble on the floor, you'll get security coming through. what you gotta do, is get inside that doorway once they do. You gotta draw 'em out. -So. You're gonna need a man through here, two men at the cage, one to cover the count. You're gonna need a lookout outside, a sweeper through the back, and a gun guarding the front. You need six. We got five. Putting Ashley outside. -We got five. Putting Ashley outside. You need six. -NO. You go in with five, you're either leaving an alarm free or an exit free. Someone hits an alarm, you're fucked. Someone gets to a phone, gets outside, 'cross the street, whatever, you're fucked. You need six. Six is me. -You go in with five, you're either leaving an alarm free or an exit free. Someone hits an alarm, you're fucked. Someone gets to a phone, gets outside, 'cross the street, whatever, you're fucked. You need six. Six is me. No. -No. You guys get caught, I go away for good. I got an interest in making sure you don't. You need a sixth man covering an exit. What're you gonna do about it. -I want a map of that security level. Every room, every guard, every thing. Six men means six guns. -Six men means six guns. No way. -No way. I'm no threat without a gun. -I'm no threat without a gun. No, you're not. -No, you're not. There'll be people in that casino. I can't keep them from leaving if I don't get a gun. I don't need bullets, Monster... but I gotta be a threat. -No gun. Well. What you guys have to plan out, then... is how you're going to get to that cage and that security level before anybody realizes anything's wrong. Running in with ski masks and bullets flying ain't gonna do it. -Well. What you guys have to plan out, then... is how you're going to get to that cage and that security level before anybody realizes anything's wrong. Running in with ski masks and bullets flying ain't gonna do it. That part, Nick... was planned out the day I read your letters. -That part, Nick... was planned out the day I read your letters. What. We all gonna dress up like cowboys? -What. We all gonna dress up like cowboys? Not cowboys, Nick. Not cowboys. -You gotta be kidding me. 'Tis the season, convict. -Can't be attracting attention, right? What, we walking in there and delivering toys? -You are lucky, convict. You're spending Christmas with the birthday boy himself -- Hey! HEY! THERE IS A POWWOW SAFE! -Buncha guys in red suits busted in, they'll say. Started shooting. They won't be able to remember... if it was three, or four... or five. Four dead Santas and some burned-up cash. Merry Christmas, The End. Was it your plan, Monster? Or was it hers. -Get in the CAR! How'd you know my name... -Ash? How'd you know my name was Rudy. -How'd you know my name was Rudy. Ash? -Ash? How'd you know my name. -Hey. They got a shitload of cookies. Take 'em. -Take 'em. How 'bout the tree? You want the tree? -How 'bout the tree? You want the tree? Leave the tree. -Here ya go, convict. We cased the place in the fall, got the layout down. What you're gonna do is show us where each of these doors go, what the upstairs level looks like, where they got the alarms, all of it. And where they hide the real money. -Who's robbin' who here, Gabriel... Get in there and watch 'em. Watch their every fuckin' move. -Where the HELL did he go? Monster. There never was a structure change. This place was built the same from day one. -Mister. I'm begging, 'kay? I'm begging. This is not some card club, 'kay? This is the Tomahawk. We're an international gaming destination. We're in guidebooks. You can't do this... you can't do this to me... Show's over. -He won't tell us where it is. The Powwow Safe. I don't know... what you're... -THE POWWOW SAFE! WHERE IS THE POWWOW SAFE! What... Powwow... -What... Powwow... The Powwow Safe where you steal your money! Where you cheat your Indians! -The Powwow Safe where you steal your money! Where you cheat your Indians! I don't steal any -- -...so where is he? Where is he?! Where is he?! -Where is he?! Where is he?! He's not Nick Mason... -I can't go back to Vegas... OPEN IT!!! -I CAN'T! GO BACK! I CAN'T! GO BACK! I CAN'T! GO BACK! GO!!! -There's no snow in Vegas, 'kay? They don't know it, they don't want it, they got laws against the stuff. They got Egypt down there, right, they got Monte Carlo, Hawaii, they got ancient Rome, but where's the Winter Castle, right? Where's the Swiss miss Chalet? Where's the Big Fucking Igloo? We understand you, Mr. Bangs. -We understand you, Mr. Bangs. Capades? They don't do it. Mittens? Outlawed. Why? -Capades? They don't do it. Mittens? Outlawed. Why? We're aware of your position. -We're aware of your position. Because down there this is money. Up here this is heat. You wanted Vegas quality, I brought it to you. You wanted Vegas press, I gave it to you. But guys, please, guys... I can't get you Vegas profits... till one of ya does some spirit dance and does something about this snow. -I'm bringing in this great showroom act next week; these three Russian girls, they look like Meryl Streep, they can juggle anything. Mr. Bangs. -Mr. Bangs. Guys. We're doing it right, here. $5.99 prime rib? Nobody does that in Michigan. Nobody. -Guys. We're doing it right, here. $5.99 prime rib? Nobody does that in Michigan. Nobody. The tribe is concerned that many of your... new ideas are not resulting in any new venues. -The tribe is concerned that many of your... new ideas are not resulting in any new venues. I'm putting liquor in the drinks, I'm giving 10-times odds on craps, I got the girls showing sixteen-percent more skin! Show me another buffet's gonna offer you Coke and Pepsi! Whaddya want me to do?! -I'm putting liquor in the drinks, I'm giving 10-times odds on craps, I got the girls showing sixteen-percent more skin! Show me another buffet's gonna offer you Coke and Pepsi! Whaddya want me to do?! We want to see our casino making money again, Mr. Bangs. Making money for our community. -The Powwow Safe? His personal safe, he gave it a name. Now you're telling me they've taken his office, put the buffet there? Then who knows what else they changed. -What about the Powwow Safe? What? -What? The Powwow Safe. The secret safe. You said the manager's got a safe in his office where he hides skim money. -The Powwow Safe. The secret safe. You said the manager's got a safe in his office where he hides skim money. Oh. Right. Yeah. That's, uh upstairs. Uh. Here. Powwow Safe. -Hi, Santa Claus, how are you. He's with Sears, I'm with Wal-Mart, twas the season... We're all outta gifts, boys and girls, but we got charitable donations! -Goddamn, Merlin. There any part of the day you don't smoke? There anytime you don't got a mouthful of shit? -There anytime you don't got a mouthful of shit? Cancer-sucker. -Cancer-sucker. Acid-chewer. -That motherfucker -- And Monster... he was talking with the casino manager. Nick was talking to him. -Knew a guy in Joliet, smoked ten packs a day like you. His lungs got so black they couldn't find 'em with an x-ray. That right? Shit. I used to run rigs for a guy loved your chaw there. Shit rotted out his tongue, had to build him one outta silicon so the poor boy could talk. You ever see a motherfucker with a silicon fucking tongue? -This trucker? Met a girl in a bar one night, she didn't know his situation. He's drunk, she's drunk, they get to mackin' hot and heavy and the woman swallows it. His tongue. Sucks it right down. My guy would walk into a room, set off the goddamn sprinklers. -My guy would walk into a room, set off the goddamn sprinklers. His lips went next. You ever see some silicon-fucking-lips? -I got a bacon too; there another bacon in there? I got a bacon for him and a bacon for me; there's four cheeseburgers and two roast beefs -- -I got a bacon for him and a bacon for me; there's four cheeseburgers and two roast beefs -- Somebody better give me something with some goddamn bacon -- -Thanks, sister. How are ya. Fuckin' freezing. -Fuckin' freezing. Hell yeah. You work here long? -Hell yeah. You work here long? Five years. Since it opened. -Five years. Since it opened. How long ago was your makeover? -How long ago was your makeover? My what?! -My what?! No, the place. The remodeling. moving everything around. -...but I got a girl to be with, rum- pum-pum-pum... Hi, Nick. -You want that for here or to go? I been in Iron Mountain for two years, truck driver. I do one more crime, I'm back there for good, so fuck you and fuck your sister and fuck your trucker friends. You want to hear about some goddamn job of mine? I want some hot-goddamn-chocolate. -Buffet. Whaddya think it is? Buffet is by the goddamn bar! What the hell kind of map is this?! -Having romance problems, Romeo? Not with you. -What the hell was that about -- He didn't recognize me. Back off, willya? He didn't recognize me. -What you gotta worry about first is the guards. Place doesn't look much richer than when I worked there, so let's figure you're gonna have to deal with ten of 'em. There'll be two on the floor, walking the room, that leaves eight up above. Eyes in the sky. They see something up, they're the ones who'll hit the silent alarm and you're fucked. How do we take them out? -How do we take them out? You gotta get someone upstairs. -You gotta get someone upstairs. How do we do that? -What about the money? You lock down security, you move behind the cage. You hit the Count Room. There'll be a guy in there but he's got no guns; room's accessed by another code. Cashiers'll know it. They'll have alarms. -Here's my present to you, truck drivers -- Where the hell's Gabriel? -DROP 'EM! DROP, DROP, DROP!!! DROP THE GUNS! NOW! -You knew there were guns in here! Merlin, I didn't know -- -Merlin, I didn't know -- You got Pug killed! You tried to get ME killed! You just lost your Get- Outta-Jail-Free -- -You got Pug killed! You tried to get ME killed! You just lost your Get- Outta-Jail-Free -- I promise you, I didn't know! -Monsters in the gelatin... It's a roach, guy -- -It's a roach, guy -- There are monsters... ...in the gelatin... -There are monsters... ...in the gelatin... Oh, man -- -THERE ARE MONSTERS IN THE GELATIN! Fuckin, Zookerman -- -Fuckin, Zookerman -- THERE ARE MONSTERS! IN THE GELATIN! THERE ARE MONSTERS! IN THE GELATIN! -What's the first thing, man? What's the first thing you're gonna do? Haven't thought about it. -Haven't thought about it. Hell you haven't. -Hell you haven't. Get to thinking about it, it won't happen. -Get to thinking about it, it won't happen. We walk outta here, we hit that road, what's the first thing you're gonna do. -We walk outta here, we hit that road, what's the first thing you're gonna do. Ain't there yet. -Ain't there yet. Three days, man. -Three days, man. Not yet. -Not yet. Fuckin' Christmas, man. Fuckin, Christmas on the outs. -Hot chocolate. What? -What? Get a hot mug of chocolate. First thing I'm gonna do. -Get a hot mug of chocolate. First thing I'm gonna do. And a slice of pecan pie, right? -And a slice of pecan pie, right? And some pecan pie. -She's gonna be out there, man. Right there. Right there waiting. Yeah. -Yeah. Gonna walk out of this shitstorm and right into her arms. -Gonna walk out of this shitstorm and right into her arms. Yeah. -Yeah. Got us a motel out Highway 5, bringing her own damn sheets, you read that part? Silk damn sheets. Lock ourselves in the whole week, drinking wine, taking baths, man, see if they got those room service steaks... anything I want to do. Remember when she wrote that? Anything I want... -Got us a motel out Highway 5, bringing her own damn sheets, you read that part? Silk damn sheets. Lock ourselves in the whole week, drinking wine, taking baths, man, see if they got those room service steaks... anything I want to do. Remember when she wrote that? Anything I want... Yeah. Fuckin' Christmas. -Why you gotta say a thing like that. I'm just saying. -I'm just saying. Why you gotta. We were gonna give you a ride someplace, man. Now I just don't know. -Why you gotta. We were gonna give you a ride someplace, man. Now I just don't know. I'm just talking. -I'm just talking. Fuck your hot chocolate, Rudy. -For twenty-five, she sounds pretty mature. Yeah. You grow up in Detroit, you get matured real quick. -What if she sees you, man, sees what you look like... and it's not there. You just don't do it for her. Me and her got a connection. Read this part. Read the part about stuffing her stocking. -She's using a new perfume. No, I think that's just oranges. She writes here she's eating oranges. -No, I think that's just oranges. She writes here she's eating oranges. Oh. -Oh. Shoulda written to that magazine, Rudy. I'm gonna walk outta here, walk right into a relationship. Not some one-nighter, man... a relationship. You? You're gonna walk outta here with bus fare. Searching for the drunkest skirt in the room. -Shoulda written to that magazine, Rudy. I'm gonna walk outta here, walk right into a relationship. Not some one-nighter, man... a relationship. You? You're gonna walk outta here with bus fare. Searching for the drunkest skirt in the room. Mornin', gorgeous. More egg nog? -Mornin', gorgeous. More egg nog? Shoulda written, Rudy... -All I want... is to make it to Sidnaw, and sit down for Christmas dinner. Watch some ball with my old man, sleep in my old bed, and have leftovers for bout six months. Thought you hated Sidnaw. -Thought you hated Sidnaw. Just taste that Christmas turkey. -Just taste that Christmas turkey. Thought you hate your old man. -Thought you hate your old man. Five years, Nicky. Five years. I just want to go home. -Don't look like he missed the sunlight. Pinscher told me Alamo thinks I'm the one ratted on him beating up Cree. Since I was there, I saw it, he thinks I got him sent to solitary. -Pinscher told me Alamo thinks I'm the one ratted on him beating up Cree. Since I was there, I saw it, he thinks I got him sent to solitary. Aw, Rudy. -So maybe after our week beneath the sheets, we'll head down to Motor City for New Year's. She says her roommate's skipping town for a few days, have the place to ourselves. Remember how her brother's a truck driver down there? I'm thinking he might be able to help get me some work. What, working security? -What, working security? No, I'm through with that shit. Ashley's right. Gotta start doing something I got a stake in. Get a business going. -No, I'm through with that shit. Ashley's right. Gotta start doing something I got a stake in. Get a business going. I don't know, I've seen the business world. -I don't know, I've seen the business world. Hotwiring cars, Rudy, does not qualify as a small business. Chop shop consultant; doesn't work on a resume. -Just a roach, Zook. Good for you. Protein. -Rudy, don't move -- Two days, we got two days! Don't do nothing. Don't touch nothing -- -Don't move, Rudy! Standing right here, man! -GUARD! GUARD! Alamo... -Alamo... GUARD!!! -Jesus, Rudy -- Take it, man! You're all right! Hold it in! GUARD! -Take it, man! You're all right! Hold it in! GUARD! Oh, fuck, Rudy... oh Jesus... -Oh, fuck, Rudy... oh Jesus... GUARD!!! -GUARD!!! Ash... Ashley... -Ash... Ashley... No, man! No, no, no! -No, man! No, no, no! Tell her... I'll be there ... -Tell her... I'll be there ... You're GONNA be there! We're getting outta here! TAKE IT! -You're GONNA be there! We're getting outta here! TAKE IT! Tell Ashley... I... -Tell Ashley... I... YOU TELL HER! -YOU TELL HER! ...be with her... -NO!!! ...for Christmas... -...for Christmas... NICK!!! -Millie here used to serve drinks to these gunrunning truckers, real big talkers, talking bout a real score one day. I was in the Mountain, man, what the hell, why not let her get friendly with 'em? Let her tell 'em an idea she had, 'bout writing guys in prison. Getting one who could show 'em a sure thing. She set them up. All of them. -She set them up. All of them. Why not have her pretend to find me? Pretend to write me and reel me in? Tell her new trucker-man she'd pose as some sister of his named Ashley? -Why not have her pretend to find me? Pretend to write me and reel me in? Tell her new trucker-man she'd pose as some sister of his named Ashley? And you set me up. -And you set me up. Always wanted to rob that casino, Rudy. Way back when I worked there. What better way than to get some guys to rob it for me. -Paid the Alamo ten bucks to put the shiv in me. He's a lifer, what does he care. Paid a hospital guard fifty to put out the story I was dead. Once the wound healed up... Got out of the Mountain this morning. And tonight I'm a rich man. How'd you know I'd do it. -How'd you know I'd do it. Do what? -Do what? Walk outta there and tell her I was you. -Hell, you never needed to convince Ashley you were me. Just the dumb fucking truckers. I figured I'd talked enough about the Tomahawk in the pen for you to get by -- Talked about the old man's weapons stash, probably forgot I'd remember -Talked about the old man's weapons stash, probably forgot I'd remember Hm. Well. They'd have killed you if you weren't me, Rudy. We knew you'd start convincing 'em soon enough. -They had the weapons and the willpower. We just gave them their inside man. You gave them me. -You gave them me. I gave them me. Said some nice things about me, Rudy. I appreciate it. But don't worry. I do love her. And she loves me. You had that right all along. -That was my card, pop! My card! You hit for my card! I... sorry, Mister... -I... sorry, Mister... That was my king! -That was my king! Well...sorry... -POP! That was My card! But... I had a five... -But... I had a five... You're hitting for MY cards! -Switch seats with me. What? No... -What? No... You're taking my money. Switch seats with me. Switch seats with me if you're not taking my money -- -You're taking my money. Switch seats with me. Switch seats with me if you're not taking my money -- I'm ninety-two years old -- -I'm ninety-two years old -- Then get yourself another table! You're hitting Santa's cards and you're taking Santa's money! -Then get yourself another table! You're hitting Santa's cards and you're taking Santa's money! There is no other table -- -There is no other table -- THEY'LL OPEN ONE! -Watch your mouth, man. It's Christmas. I'M NOT NICK! -Start talkin Who the hell made this map. -That's what it looks like! Since when? What the hell is this room? -Map is kinda dirty, Monster... They changed the layout. -Without having them hit the alarms. I got an idea on that one. Once you're up there, you gotta hold those guards down till some backup can get there. There's a security camera room that videotapes everything. You've gotta destroy every last one of those tapes. -Alone at last. Now where were we? -Now where were we? I told you I don't know anything about any fucking set up. I've only been on the force eight months, nobody tells me anything! I don't know anything! You can torture me if you want - -I told you I don't know anything about any fucking set up. I've only been on the force eight months, nobody tells me anything! I don't know anything! You can torture me if you want - Thanks, don't mind if I do. -Thanks, don't mind if I do. Your boss even said there wasn't a set up. -Your boss even said there wasn't a set up. First off, I don't have a boss. Are you clear about that? -I asked you a question. Are you clear about that? Yes. -Yes. Now I'm not gonna bullshit you. I don't really care about what you know or don't know. I'm gonna torture you for awhile regardless. Not to get information, but because torturing a cop amuses me. There's nothing you can say, I've heard it all before. There's nothing you can do. Except pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get. -How ya doin', Toothpick? Fine, now. -Fine, now. I'm sorry man, I shoulda picked you up personally at the pen. This whole week's just been crazy. I've had my head up my ass the entire time. -I'm sorry man, I shoulda picked you up personally at the pen. This whole week's just been crazy. I've had my head up my ass the entire time. Funny you should mention it. That's what your father and I been talkin' about. -Funny you should mention it. That's what your father and I been talkin' about. That I should've picked you up? -That I should've picked you up? "No. That your head's been up your ass. I walk through the door and Joe says ""Vic, you're back, thank god. Finally somebody who knows what the fuck he's doing. Vic, Vic, Vic, Eddie, my son, is a fuck up."" And I say ""Well, Joe, I coulda told you that."" ""I'm ruined! He's ruining me! My son, I love him, but he's taking my business and flushing it down the fuckin' toilet! "" I'm not tellin' tales out of school. You tell 'im Joe. Tell 'im yourself." -You fuckin' wish. You tried to fuck me in my father's office, you sick bastard. Look, Vic, whatever you wanna do in the privacy of your own home, go do it. But don't try to fuck me. I don't think of you that way. I mean, I like you a lot - -You tried to fuck me in my father's office, you sick bastard. Look, Vic, whatever you wanna do in the privacy of your own home, go do it. But don't try to fuck me. I don't think of you that way. I mean, I like you a lot - Eddie, if I was a pirate, I wouldn't throw you to the crew. -Eddie, if I was a pirate, I wouldn't throw you to the crew. No, you'd keep me for yourself. Four years fuckin' punks in the ass made you appreciate prime rib when you get it. -No, you'd keep me for yourself. Four years fuckin' punks in the ass made you appreciate prime rib when you get it. I might break you, Nice Guy, but I'd make you my dog's bitch. You'd be suckin' the dick and going down on a mangy T-bone hound. -I might break you, Nice Guy, but I'd make you my dog's bitch. You'd be suckin' the dick and going down on a mangy T-bone hound. Now ain't that a sad sight, daddy, walks into jail a white man, walks out talkin' like a nigger. It's all that black semen been shootin' up his butt. It's backed up into his brain and comes out of his mouth. -Seymour Scagnetti. Scagnetti? Oh shit, I hear he's a motherfucker. -Scagnetti? Oh shit, I hear he's a motherfucker. He is a motherfucker. He won't let me leave the halfway house till I get some piece of shit job. -He is a motherfucker. He won't let me leave the halfway house till I get some piece of shit job. You're coming back to work for us, right? -You're coming back to work for us, right? I wanna. But I gotta show this asshole I got an honest-to-goodness job before he'll let me move out on my own. I can't work for you guys and be worried about gettin' back before ten o'clock curfew. -I don't wanna lift crates. "You don't hafta lift shit. You don't really work there. But as far as the records are concerned, you do. I call up Matthews, the foreman, tell him he's got a new guy. You're on the schedule. You got a timecard, it's clocked in and out for you everyday, and you get a pay check at the end of the week. And ya know dock workers don't do too bad. So you can move into a halfway decent place without Scagnetti thinkin ""what the fuck."" And if Scagnetti ever wants to make a surprise visit, you're gone that day. That day we sent you to Tustin. We gotta bunch of shit you needed to unload there. You're at the Taft airstrip pickin' up a bunch of shit and bringing it back. Part of your job is goin' different places - and we got places all over the place." -Holy shit, this guy's all fucked up! No shit, he's gonna fuckin' die on us if we don't get him taken care of. -Jesus Christ, give me a fuckin' chance to breathe. I got a few questions of my own, ya know. You ain't dying, he is. -You ain't dying, he is. I'll call somebody. -I'll call somebody. Who? -Who? A snake charmer, what the fuck d'you think. I'll call a doctor, take care of him, fix 'm right up. No, where's Mr. Brown and Mr. Blue? -Let me tell you guys a story. In one of daddy's clubs there was this black cocktail waitress named Elois. Elois? -Elois? Yeah, Elois. E and Lois. We called her Lady E. -Yeah, Elois. E and Lois. We called her Lady E. Where was she from, Compton? -Where was she from, Compton? No. She was from Ladora Heights. -I don't know what he did to her, but she got even. Was he all pissed off? -I don't buy it. It doesn't make sense. It makes perfect fuckin' sense to me. Eddie, you didn't see how he acted during the job, we did. -The motherfucker killed Vic. How do you know all this? -Joe, you're making a terrible mistake I can't let you make. Stop pointing your fuckin' gun at daddy! -Daddy, did ya see that? What? -What? Guy got me on the ground, tried to fuck me. -Now Vic was tellin' me, he's got a parole problem. Really? Who's your P.O.? -We can work this out, can't we? This isn't all that bad. We can give you a lot of legitimate jobs. Put you on the rotation at Long Beach as a dock worker. -Didn't I tell ya not to worry? Vic was worried. Me and you'll drive down to Long Beach tomorrow. I'll introduce you to Matthews, tell him what's going on. -Nuts. We got a big meeting in Vegas coming up. And we're kinda just gettin ready for that right now. Let Nice Guy set you up at Long Beach. Give ya some cash, get that Scagnetti fuck off your back, and we'll be talking to ya. -Let Nice Guy set you up at Long Beach. Give ya some cash, get that Scagnetti fuck off your back, and we'll be talking to ya. Daddy, I got an idea. Now just hear it out. I know you don't like to use any of the boys on these jobs, but technically, Vic ain't one of the boys. He's been gone for four years. He ain't on no one's list. Ya know he can handle himself, ya know you can trust him. -Daddy, I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening. That's okay, Eddie, I do. -We were set up, the cops were waiting for us. What? Nobody set anybody up. -What? Nobody set anybody up. The cops were there waitin' for us! -The cops were there waitin' for us! Bullshit. -Bullshit. Hey, fuck you man, you weren't there, we were. And I'm tellin' ya, the cops had that store staked out. -Hey, fuck you man, you weren't there, we were. And I'm tellin' ya, the cops had that store staked out. Okay, Mr. Detective, who did it? -Okay, Mr. Detective, who did it? What the fuck d'you think we've been askin' each other? -What the fuck d'you think we've been askin' each other? And what are your answers? Was it me? You think I set you up? -And what are your answers? Was it me? You think I set you up? I don't know, but somebody did. -I don't know, but somebody did. Nobody did. You assholes turn the jewelry store into a wild west show, and you wonder why cops show up. -Brown's dead, we don't know about Blue. Nobody saw what happened to Mr. Blue? -I take it this is the bastard you told me about. Why the hell are you beating on him? So he'll tell us who the fuck set us up. -So he'll tell us who the fuck set us up. Would you stop it with that shit! You beat on this prick enough, he'll tell ya he started the Chicago fire. That don't necessarily make it so. Okay, first things fucking last, where's the shit? Please tell me somebody brought something with them. -Would you stop it with that shit! You beat on this prick enough, he'll tell ya he started the Chicago fire. That don't necessarily make it so. Okay, first things fucking last, where's the shit? Please tell me somebody brought something with them. I got a bag. I stashed it till I could be sure this place wasn't a police station. -I got a bag. I stashed it till I could be sure this place wasn't a police station. Well, let's go get it. We also gotta get rid of all those cars. It looks like Sam's hot car lot outside. You stay here and babysit Orange and the cop. You two take a car each, I'll follow ya. You ditch it, I'll pick you up, then we'll pick up the stones. And while I'm following you, I'll arrange for some sort of a doctor for our friend. -What does it matter who stays with the cop? We ain't lettin' him go. Not after he's seen everybody. You should've never took him outta your trunk in the first place. We were trying to find out what he knew about the set up. -We were trying to find out what he knew about the set up. There is no fuckin' set up! Look, this is the news. Blondie, you stay here and take care of them two. White and Pink come with me, 'cuz if Joe gets here and sees all those fucking cars parked out front, he's going to be as mad at me as he is at you. -Go ahead and laugh, you know what I mean. What a while bitch will put up with, a black bitch won't put up with for a minute. They got a line, and if you cross it, they fuck you up. I gotta go along with Mr. Pink on this. I've seen it happen. -"The black Beverly Hills. I knew this lady from Ladora Heights once. ""Hi, I'm from Ladora Heights, it's the black Beverly Hills.""" "It's not the black Beverly Hills, it's the black Palos Verdes. Anyway, this chick, Elois, was a man-eater- upper. I bet every guy who's ever met her has jacked off to her at least once. You know who she looked like? Christie Love. 'Member that TV show ""Get Christie Love""? She was a black female cop. She always used to say ""You're under arrest, sugar.""" -"It's not the black Beverly Hills, it's the black Palos Verdes. Anyway, this chick, Elois, was a man-eater- upper. I bet every guy who's ever met her has jacked off to her at least once. You know who she looked like? Christie Love. 'Member that TV show ""Get Christie Love""? She was a black female cop. She always used to say ""You're under arrest, sugar.""" I was in the sixth grade when that show was on. I totally dug it. What the fuck was the name of the chick who played Christie Love? -I was in the sixth grade when that show was on. I totally dug it. What the fuck was the name of the chick who played Christie Love? Pam Grier. -Pam Grier. No, it wasn't Pam Grier, Pam Grier was the other one. Pam Grier made the movies. Christie Love was like a Pam Grier TV show, without Pam Grier. -No, it wasn't Pam Grier, Pam Grier was the other one. Pam Grier made the movies. Christie Love was like a Pam Grier TV show, without Pam Grier. What the fuck was that chick's name? Oh this is just great, I'm totally fuckin' tortured now. -What the fuck was that chick's name? Oh this is just great, I'm totally fuckin' tortured now. "Well, whoever she was, Elois looked like her. So one night I walk into the club, and no Elois. Now the bartender was a wetback, he was a friend of mine, his name was Carlos. So I asked him ""Hey, Carlos, where's Lady E tonight?"" Well apparently Lady E was married to this real piece of dog shit. I mean a real animal. And apparently he would so things to her." -He's right about the ear, it's hacked off. Let me say this out loud, just to get it straight in my mind. According to you, Mr. Blonde was gonna kill you. Then when we came back, kill us, grab the diamonds, and scram. That's your story? I'm correct about that, right? -"Say ""hello"" to a motherfucker who's inside. Cabot's doing a job and take a big fat guess who he wants on the team?" This better not be some Freddy joke. -Nice Guy. When we got to the bar... ...What bar? -...What bar? The Boots and Socks in Gardena. When we got there, I met Joe and a guy named Mr. White. It's a phony name. My name's Mr. Orange. -The Boots and Socks in Gardena. When we got there, I met Joe and a guy named Mr. White. It's a phony name. My name's Mr. Orange. You ever seen this motherfucker before? -You ever seen this motherfucker before? Who, Mr. White? -Who, Mr. White? Yeah. -Yeah. No, he ain't familiar. He ain't one of Cabot's soldiers either. He's gotta be from outta town. But Joe knows him real well. -No, he ain't familiar. He ain't one of Cabot's soldiers either. He's gotta be from outta town. But Joe knows him real well. How can you tell? -How can you tell? The way they talk to each other. You can tell they're buddies. -The way they talk to each other. You can tell they're buddies. Did the two of you talk? -Did the two of you talk? Me and Mr. White? -Me and Mr. White? Yeah. -Yeah. A little. -A little. What about? -What about? The Brewers. -The Brewers. The Milwaukee Brewers? -The Milwaukee Brewers? Yeah. They had just won the night before, and he made a killing off 'em. -Yeah. They had just won the night before, and he made a killing off 'em. Well, if this crook's a Brewers fan, his ass has gotta be from Wisconsin. And I'll bet you everything from a diddle-eyed Joe to a damned-if-I- know, that in Milwaukee they got a sheet on this Mr. White motherfucker's ass. I want you to go through the mugs of guys from old Milwaukee with a history of armed robbery, and put a name to that face. -What kinds questions did Cabot ask? Where I was from, who I knew, how I knew Nice Guy, had I done time, shit like that. -Didja use the commode story? Fuckin' A. I tell it real good, too. -What's this? It's a scene. Memorize it. -It's a scene. Memorize it. What? -What? A undercover cop has got to be Marlon Brando. To do this job you got to be a great actor. You got to be naturalistic. You got to be naturalistic as hell. If you ain't a great actor you're a bad actor, and bad acting is bullshit in this job. -A undercover cop has got to be Marlon Brando. To do this job you got to be a great actor. You got to be naturalistic. You got to be naturalistic as hell. If you ain't a great actor you're a bad actor, and bad acting is bullshit in this job. But what is this? -But what is this? It's a amusing anecdote about a drug deal. -It's a amusing anecdote about a drug deal. What? -What? Something funny that happened to you while you were doing a job. -Something funny that happened to you while you were doing a job. I gotta memorize all this shit? -I gotta memorize all this shit? It's like a joke. You remember what's important, and the rest you make your own. The only way to make it your own is to keep sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it. -It's like a joke. You remember what's important, and the rest you make your own. The only way to make it your own is to keep sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it. I can do that. -I can do that. The things you gotta remember are the details. It's the details that sell your story. Now this story takes place in this men's room. So you gotta know the details about this men's room. You gotta know they got a blower instead of a towel to dry your hands. You gotta know the stalls ain't got no doors. You gotta know whether they got liquid or powdered soap, whether they got hot water or not, 'cause if you do your job when you tell your story, everybody should believe it. And if you tell your story to somebody who's actually taken a piss in this men's room, and you get one detail they remember right, they'll swear by you. -Tell me more about Cabot. He's a cool guy. A real nice, real funny, real cool guy. -...Her brother usually goes with her, but he's in county unexpectedly. What for? -What for? Traffic tickets gone to warrant. They stopped him for something, found the warrants on 'im, took 'im to jail. She doesn't want to walk around alone with all that weed. Well, I don't wanna do this, I have a bad feeling about it, but she keeps askin' me, keeps askin' me, finally I said okay 'cause I'm sick of listening to it. Well, we're picking this guy up at the train station. -Jesus Christ! You can do some crazy things with it. -Let's go over it. Where are you? I stand outside and guard the door. I don't let anybody come in or go out. -I stand outside and guard the door. I don't let anybody come in or go out. Mr. Brown? -Mr. Brown? Mr. Brown stays in the car. He's parked across the street till I give him the signal, then he pulls up in front of the store. -Mr. Brown stays in the car. He's parked across the street till I give him the signal, then he pulls up in front of the store. Mr. Blonde and Mr. Blue? -Mr. Blonde and Mr. Blue? Crowd control. They handle customers and employees in the display area. -Myself and Mr. Pink? You two take the manager in the back and make him give you the diamonds. We're there for those stones, period. Since no display cases are being fucked with, no alarms should go off. We're out of there in two minutes, not one second longer. What if the manager won't give up the diamonds? -You two take the manager in the back and make him give you the diamonds. We're there for those stones, period. Since no display cases are being fucked with, no alarms should go off. We're out of there in two minutes, not one second longer. What if the manager won't give up the diamonds? When you're dealing with a store like this, they're insured up the ass. They're not supposed to give you and resistance whatsoever. If you get a customer or an employee who thinks he's Charles Bronson, take the butt of your gun and smash their nose in. Drops 'em right to the floor. Everyone jumps, he falls down, screaming, blood squirts out his nose. Freaks everybody out. Nobody says fuckin' shit after that. You might get some bitch talk shit to ya. But give her a look, like you're gonna smash her in the face next. Watch her shut the fuck up. Now if it's a manager, that's a different story. The managers know better than to fuck around. So if one's givin' you static, he probably thinks he's a real cowboy. So what you gotta do is break that son-of-a-bitch in two. If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then you tell 'im his thumb's next. After that he'll tell ya if he wears ladies underwear. I'm hungry, let's get a taco. -I'm sorry. What? Snap out of it! -Just hold on buddy boy. I'm sorry. I can't believe she killed me... -How's freedom kid, pretty fuckin' good, ain't it? It's a change. -It's a change. Ain't that a sad truth. Remy Martin? -Ain't that a sad truth. Remy Martin? Sure. -Sure. Take a seat. -Who's your parole officer? A guy named Scagnetti. Seymour Scagnetti. -A guy named Scagnetti. Seymour Scagnetti. How is he? -How is he? Fuckin' asshole, won't let me leave the halfway house. -Fuckin' asshole, won't let me leave the halfway house. Never ceases to amaze me. Fuckin' jungle bunny goes out there, slits some old woman's throat for twenty- five cents. Fuckin' nigger gets Doris Day as a parole officer. But a good fella like you gets stuck with a ball-bustin' prick. -I just want you to know, Joe, how much I appreciate your care packages on the inside. What the hell did you expect me to do? Just forget about you? -What the hell did you expect me to do? Just forget about you? I just wanted you to know, they meant a lot. -I just wanted you to know, they meant a lot. It's the least I could do Vic. I wish I coulda done more. Vic. Toothpick Vic. Tell me a story? What're your plans? -It's the least I could do Vic. I wish I coulda done more. Vic. Toothpick Vic. Tell me a story? What're your plans? Well, what I wanna do is go back to work. But I got this Scagnetti prick deep up my ass. He won't let me leave the halfway house till I get some piece of shit job. My plans have always been to be part of the team again. -That's great, guy, thanks a bunch. When do you think you'll need me for real work? Well, it's kinda a strange time right now. Things are kinda - -Toby... who the fuck is Toby? Toby... Toby... think... think... think... "It's not about a nice girl who meets a sensitive boy. Now granted that's what ""True Blue"" is about, no argument about that." -Hey, fuck all that, I'm making a point here. You're gonna make me lose my train of thought. Oh fuck, Toby's that little china girl. -"Then one day she meets a John Holmes motherfucker, and it's like, whoa baby. This mother fucker's like Charles Bronson in ""The Great Escape."" He's diggin' tunnels. Now she's gettin' this serious dick action, she's feelin' something she ain't felt since forever. Pain." Chew? Toby Chew? No. -Chew? Toby Chew? No. "It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt. Her pussy should be Bubble-Yum by now. But when this cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts like the first time. The pain is reminding a fuck machine what is was like to be a virgin. Hence, ""Like a Virgin.""" -Wong? Fuck you, wrong. I'm right! What the fuck do you know about it anyway? You're still listening to Jerry- fucking-Vale. -Fuck you, wrong. I'm right! What the fuck do you know about it anyway? You're still listening to Jerry- fucking-Vale. Not wrong, dumb ass, Wong! You know, like the Chinese name? -Because you paid for the breakfast, I'm gonna tip. Normally I wouldn't. Whatever. Just throw in your dollar, and let's move. See what I'm dealing with here. Infants. I'm fuckin' dealin' with infants. -But he's OK. If he wasn't OK, he wouldn't be here. Okay, let me introduce everybody to everybody. But once again, at the risk of being redundant, if I even think I hear somebody telling or referring to somebody by their Christian name... ...you won't want to be you. Okay, quickly. Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Pink. Why am I Mr. Pink? -Why am I Mr. Pink? Cause you're a faggot, alright? -Why can't we pick out our own colors? I tried that once, it don't work. You get four guys fighting over who's gonna be Mr. Black. Since nobody knows anybody else, nobody wants to back down. So forget it, I pick. Be thankful you're not Mr. Yellow. -Yeah, Mr. Pink sounds like Mr. Pussy. Tell you what, let me be Mr. Purple. That sounds good to me, I'm Mr. Purple. You're not Mr. Purple, somebody from another job's Mr. Purple. You're Mr. Pink. -Nobody's trading with anybody! Look, this ain't a goddamn fuckin' city counsel meeting! Listen up Mr. Pink. We got two ways here, my way or the highway. And you can go down either of 'em. So what's it gonna be, Mr. Pink? Jesus Christ, Joe. Fuckin' forget it. This is beneath me. I'm Mr. Pink, let's move on. -Mr. Blue's dead? Dead as Dillinger. -What's that? I found this old address book in a jacket I ain't worn in a coon's age. Toby what? What the fuck was her last name? -Give me this fucking thing. What the fuck do you think you're doin'? Give me my book back! -What the fuck do you think you're doin'? Give me my book back! I'm sick of fuckin' hearin' it Joe; I'll give it back when we leave. -I'm sick of fuckin' hearin' it Joe; I'll give it back when we leave. Whaddaya mean, give it to me when we leave, give it back now. -Whaddaya mean, give it to me when we leave, give it back now. "For the past fifteen minutes now, you've just been droning on with names. ""Toby... Toby... Toby... Toby Wong... Toby Wong... Toby Chung... fuckin' Charlie Chan."" I got Madonna's big dick outta my right ear, and Toby Jap I-don't-know-what, outta my left." -"For the past fifteen minutes now, you've just been droning on with names. ""Toby... Toby... Toby... Toby Wong... Toby Wong... Toby Chung... fuckin' Charlie Chan."" I got Madonna's big dick outta my right ear, and Toby Jap I-don't-know-what, outta my left." What do you care? -What do you care? When you're annoying as hell, I care a lot. -When you're annoying as hell, I care a lot. Give me my book. -Give me my book. You gonna put it away? -You gonna put it away? I'm gonna do whatever I wanna do with it. -I'm gonna do whatever I wanna do with it. Well, then, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to keep it. -No, she did it. She killed the cheatin' wife, too. Who gives a damn? -I'll take care of this, you guys leave the tip. And when I come back, I want my book back. Sorry, it's my book now. -Sorry, it's my book now. Blonde, shoot this piece of shit, will ya? -What's she doin' now? She hooked up with Fed McGar, they've done a couple a jobs together. Good little thief. So, explain the telegram. -She hooked up with Fed McGar, they've done a couple a jobs together. Good little thief. So, explain the telegram. Five-man job. Bustin' in and bustin' out of a diamond wholesaler's. -Five-man job. Bustin' in and bustin' out of a diamond wholesaler's. Can you move the ice afterwards? I don't know nobody who can move ice. -Can you move the ice afterwards? I don't know nobody who can move ice. Not a problem, got guys waitin' for it. But what happened to Marsellus Spivey? Didn't he always move your ice? -Not a problem, got guys waitin' for it. But what happened to Marsellus Spivey? Didn't he always move your ice? He's doin' twenty years in Susanville. -He's doin' twenty years in Susanville. What for? -What for? Bad luck. What's the exposure like? -Bad luck. What's the exposure like? Two minutes, tops. It's a tough two minutes. It's daylight, during business hours, dealing with a crowd. But you'll have the guys to deal with the crowd. -Two minutes, tops. It's a tough two minutes. It's daylight, during business hours, dealing with a crowd. But you'll have the guys to deal with the crowd. How many employees? -How many employees? Around twenty. Security pretty lax. They almost always just deal in boxes. Rough uncut stones they get from the syndicate. On a certain day this wholesaler's gettin' a big shipment of polished stones from Israel. They're like a way station. They are gonna get picked up the next day and sent to Vermont. -Around twenty. Security pretty lax. They almost always just deal in boxes. Rough uncut stones they get from the syndicate. On a certain day this wholesaler's gettin' a big shipment of polished stones from Israel. They're like a way station. They are gonna get picked up the next day and sent to Vermont. No, they're not. -What's the cut, poppa? Juicy, junior, real juicy. -What the fuck are you talking about? That piece of shit. Workin' with the cops. -Joe, I don't know what you think you know, but you're wrong. Like hell I am. -Like hell I am. Joe, trust me on this, you've made a mistake. He's a good kid. I understand you're hot, you're super-fuckin' pissed. We're all real emotional. But you're barking up the wrong tree. I know this man, and he wouldn't do that. -Joe, trust me on this, you've made a mistake. He's a good kid. I understand you're hot, you're super-fuckin' pissed. We're all real emotional. But you're barking up the wrong tree. I know this man, and he wouldn't do that. You don't know jack shit. I do. This rotten bastard tipped off the cops and got Mr. Brown and Mr. Blue killed. -He was the only one I wasn't a hundred percent on. I should have my fucking head examined for goin' forward when I wasn't a hundred percent. But he seemed like a good kid, and I was impatient and greedy and all the things that fuck you up. That's your proof? -That's your proof? You don't need proof when you got instinct. I ignored it before, but not no more. -Don't worry, Eddie. Me and Larry have been friends a long time, he ain't gonna shoot. We like each other too much. Joe, if you kill that man, you die next. Repeat, if you kill that man, you die next! -Larry, I'm gonna kill him. Goddamn you, Joe, don't make me do this! -Goddamn you, Joe, don't make me do this! Larry, I'm askin' you to trust me on this. -Larry, I'm askin' you to trust me on this. Don't ask me that. -Don't ask me that. I'm not askin', I'm betting. -Okay ramblers, let's get to rambling. Wait a minute, who didn't throw in? Mr. Pink. -Mr. Pink. Mr. Pink? Why? -Mr. Pink? Why? He don't tip. -He don't tip. He don't tip? You don't tip? Why? -He don't tip? You don't tip? Why? He don't believe in it. -He don't believe in it. He don't believe in it? You don't believe in it? -He don't believe in it? You don't believe in it? Nope. -Nope. Shut up! Cough up the buck, ya cheap bastard, I paid for your goddamn breakfast. -Aren't you? I don't have the slightest fuckin' idea what you're talkin' about. -I know. You do? -You do? Your name's Freddy something. -Your name's Freddy something. Freddy Newendyke. -Freddy Newendyke. Frankie Ferchetti introduced us once, about five months ago. -Frankie Ferchetti introduced us once, about five months ago. Shit. I don't remember that at all. -Shit. I don't remember that at all. I do. How do I look? -That fucking bastard! That fucking sick fucking bastard! Marvin, I need you to hold on. There's officers positioned and waiting to move in a block away. -Marvin, I need you to hold on. There's officers positioned and waiting to move in a block away. What the fuck are they waiting for? That motherfucker cut off my ear! He slashed my face! I'm deformed! -What the fuck are they waiting for? That motherfucker cut off my ear! He slashed my face! I'm deformed! And I'm dying. They don't know that. All they know is they're not to make a move until Joe Cabot shows up. I was sent undercover to get Cabot. You heard 'em, they said he's on his way. Don't pussy out on me now, Marvin. We're just gonna sit here and bleed until Joe Cabot sticks his fuckin' head through that door. -Joe, you want me to shoot him for you? Shit, you shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize. -So, talk. We think we got a rat in the house. -What's this guy's problem? What's my problem? Yeah, I gotta problem. I gotta big problem with any trigger-happy madman who almost gets me shot! -What's my problem? Yeah, I gotta problem. I gotta big problem with any trigger-happy madman who almost gets me shot! What're you talkin' about? -What're you talkin' about? That fuckin' shooting spree in the store. -That fuckin' shooting spree in the store. Fuck 'em, they set off the alarm, they deserve what they got. -Fuck 'em, they set off the alarm, they deserve what they got. You almost killed me, asshole! If I had any idea what type of guy you were, I never would've agreed to work with you. -You almost killed me, asshole! If I had any idea what type of guy you were, I never would've agreed to work with you. You gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite? -You gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite? What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it? -What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it? "I said: ""Are you gonna bark all day, dog, or are you gonna bite.""" -Follow you where? Down to my car. -Down to my car. Why? -Why? It's a surprise. -For what, the cops? Nice Guy Eddie. -You talked to Nice Guy Eddie? Why the fuck didn't you say that in the first place? You didn't ask. -You didn't ask. Hardy-fuckin-har. What did he say? -Hardy-fuckin-har. What did he say? Stay put. Okay, fellas, take a look at the little surprise I brought you. -Because this guy's a fucking psycho. And if you think Joe's pissed at us, that ain't nothing compared to how pissed off I am at him, for puttin' me in the same room as this bastard. "You see what I been puttin' up with? As soon as I walk through the door I'm hit with this shit. I tell 'm what you told me about us stayin' put and Mr. White whips out his gun, sticks it in my face, and starts screaming ""You motherfucker, I'm gonna blow you away, blah, blah, blah.""" -"You see what I been puttin' up with? As soon as I walk through the door I'm hit with this shit. I tell 'm what you told me about us stayin' put and Mr. White whips out his gun, sticks it in my face, and starts screaming ""You motherfucker, I'm gonna blow you away, blah, blah, blah.""" He's the reason the place turned into a shooting gallery. What are you, a silent partner? Fuckin' tell him. -I told 'em not to touch the alarm. They touched it. I blew 'em full of holes. If they hadn't done what I told 'em not it, they'd still be alive. That's your excuse for going on a kill crazy rampage? -That's your excuse for going on a kill crazy rampage? I don't like alarms. -Hey, just cancel that shit right now! You're hurt. You're hurt really fucking bad, but you ain't dying. All this blood is scaring the shit outta me. I'm gonna die, I know it. -All this blood is scaring the shit outta me. I'm gonna die, I know it. Oh excuse me, I didn't realize you had a degree in medicine. Are you a doctor? Are you a doctor? Answer me please, are you a doctor? -Oh excuse me, I didn't realize you had a degree in medicine. Are you a doctor? Are you a doctor? Answer me please, are you a doctor? No, I'm not! -Say-the-goddamn-words: You're gonna be okay! I'm okay. -I'm okay. Correct. -Just hold on buddy boy. Hold on, and wait for Joe. I can't do anything for you, but when Joe gets here, which should be anytime now, he'll be able to help you. We're just gonna sit here, and wait for Joe. Who are we waiting for? Joe. -Joe. Bet your sweet ass we are. -I ain't going anywhere. I'm right here. I'm not gonna leave ya. Larry, I'm so scared, would you please hold me. -Look, I don't wanna be a fly in the ointment, but if help doesn't come soon, I gotta see a doctor. I don't give a fuck about jail, I just don't wanna die. You're not gonna fucking die, all right? -You're not gonna fucking die, all right? I wasn't born yesterday. I'm hurt, and I'm hurt bad. -I wasn't born yesterday. I'm hurt, and I'm hurt bad. It's not good... -It's not good... Hey, bless your heart for what you're trying to do. I was panicking for a moment, but I've got my senses back now. The situation is, I'm shot in the belly. And without medical attention, I'm gonna die. -Hey, bless your heart for what you're trying to do. I was panicking for a moment, but I've got my senses back now. The situation is, I'm shot in the belly. And without medical attention, I'm gonna die. I can' take you to a hospital. -I can' take you to a hospital. Fuck jail! I don't give a shit about jail. But I can't die. You don't have to take me in. Just drive me up to the front, drop me on the sidewalk. I'll take care of myself. I won't tell them anything. I swear to fucking god, I won't tell 'em anything. Look in my eyes, look right in my eyes. I-won't-tell-them-anything. You'll be safe. -Fuck jail! I don't give a shit about jail. But I can't die. You don't have to take me in. Just drive me up to the front, drop me on the sidewalk. I'll take care of myself. I won't tell them anything. I swear to fucking god, I won't tell 'em anything. Look in my eyes, look right in my eyes. I-won't-tell-them-anything. You'll be safe. Lie back down, and try to - -Lie back down, and try to - I'm going to die! I need a doctor! I'm begging you, take me to a doctor. -What happened? Blonde went crazy. He slashed the cop's face, cut off his ear and was gonna burn him alive. -Uhuh, uhuh, what's I tell ya? That sick piece of shit was a stone cold psycho. You could've asked the cop, if you didn't just kill him. He talked about what he was going to do when he was slicing him up. -Have you guys been listening to K- BILLY's super sounds of the seventies weekend? Yeah, it's fuckin' great isn't it? -Yeah, it's fuckin' great isn't it? Can you believe the songs they been playin'? -Can you believe the songs they been playin'? "No, I can't. You know what I heard the other day? ""Heartbeat-It's Lovebeat,"" by little Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco Family. I haven't heard that since I was in fifth fuckin' grade." -"No, I can't. You know what I heard the other day? ""Heartbeat-It's Lovebeat,"" by little Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco Family. I haven't heard that since I was in fifth fuckin' grade." "When I was coming down here, I was playin' it. And ""The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia"" came on. Now I ain't heard that song since it was big, but when it was big, I heard it a million-trillion times. I'm listening to it this morning, and this was the first time I ever realized that the lady singing the song, was the one who killed Andy." -C'mon, throw in a buck. Uh-uh. I don't tip. -Uh-uh. I don't tip. Whaddaya mean you don't tip? -Whaddaya mean you don't tip? I don't believe in it. -I don't believe in it. You don't believe in tipping? -I don't even know a Jew who'd have the balls to say that. So let's get this straight. You never ever tip? I don't tip because society says I gotta. I tip when somebody deserves a tip. When somebody really puts forth an effort, they deserve a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, that shit's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doin' their job. -I'd go over twelve percent for that. Look, I ordered coffee. Now we've been here a long fuckin' time, and she's only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee, I want it filled six times. -These ladies aren't starvin' to death. They make minimum wage. When I worked for minimum wage, I wasn't lucky enough to have a job that society deemed tipworthy. Ahh, now we're getting down to it. It's not just that he's a cheap bastard - -Do you know what this is? It's the world's smallest violin, playing just for the waitresses. You don't have any idea what you're talking about. These people bust their ass. This is a hard job. -You don't have any idea what you're talking about. These people bust their ass. This is a hard job. So's working at McDonald's, but you don't feel the need to tip them. They're servin' ya food, you should tip em. But no, society says tip these guys over here, but not those guys over there. That's bullshit. -Waitressing is the number one occupation for female non-college graduates in this country. It's the one job basically any woman can get, and make a living on. The reason is because of tips. Fuck all that. -Gun shot. Oh that's just fucking great! Where's Brown? -Oh that's just fucking great! Where's Brown? Dead. -Dead. Goddamn, goddamn! How did he die? -Goddamn, goddamn! How did he die? How the fuck do you think? The cops shot him. -How the fuck do you think? The cops shot him. Oh this is bad, this is so bad. Is it bad? -Oh this is bad, this is so bad. Is it bad? As opposed to good? -As opposed to good? This is so fucked up. Somebody fucked us big time. -This is so fucked up. Somebody fucked us big time. You really think we were set up? -You really think we were set up? You even doubt it? I don't think we got set up, I know we got set up! I mean really, seriously, where did all those cops come from, huh? One minute they're not there, the next minute they're there. I didn't hear any sirens. The alarm went off, okay. Okay, when an alarm goes off, you got an average of four minutes response time. Unless a patrol car is cruising that street, at that particular moment, you got four minutes before they can realistically respond. In one minute there were seventeen blue boys out there. All loaded for bear, all knowing exactly what the fuck they were doing, and they were all just there! Remember that second wave that showed up in the cars? Those were the ones responding to the alarm. But those other motherfuckers were already there, they were waiting for us. You haven't thought about this? -You even doubt it? I don't think we got set up, I know we got set up! I mean really, seriously, where did all those cops come from, huh? One minute they're not there, the next minute they're there. I didn't hear any sirens. The alarm went off, okay. Okay, when an alarm goes off, you got an average of four minutes response time. Unless a patrol car is cruising that street, at that particular moment, you got four minutes before they can realistically respond. In one minute there were seventeen blue boys out there. All loaded for bear, all knowing exactly what the fuck they were doing, and they were all just there! Remember that second wave that showed up in the cars? Those were the ones responding to the alarm. But those other motherfuckers were already there, they were waiting for us. You haven't thought about this? I haven't had a chance to think. First I was just trying to get the fuck outta there. And after we got away, I've just been dealin' with him. -I haven't had a chance to think. First I was just trying to get the fuck outta there. And after we got away, I've just been dealin' with him. Well, you better start thinking about it. Cause I, sure as fuck, am thinking about it. In fact, that's all I'm thinking about. I came this close to just driving off. Whoever set us up, knows about this place. There could've been cops sitting here waiting for me. For all we know, there's cops, driving fast, on their way here now. -Well, you better start thinking about it. Cause I, sure as fuck, am thinking about it. In fact, that's all I'm thinking about. I came this close to just driving off. Whoever set us up, knows about this place. There could've been cops sitting here waiting for me. For all we know, there's cops, driving fast, on their way here now. Let's go in the other room... -"What the fuck am I doing here? I felt funny about this job right off. As soon as I felt it I should said ""No thank you"", and walked. But I never fucking listen. Every time I ever got burned buying weed, I always knew the guy wasn't right. I just felt it. But I wanted to believe him. If he's not lyin' to me, and it really is Thai stick, then whoa baby. But it's never Thai stick. And I always said if I felt that way about a job, I'd walk. And I did, and I didn't, because of fuckin' money!" What's done is done, I need you cool. Are you cool? -What's done is done, I need you cool. Are you cool? I'm cool. -I'm cool. Splash some water on your face. Take a breather. -Want a smoke? Why not? -Okay, let's go through what happened. We're in the place, everything's going fine. Then the alarm gets tripped. I turn around and all these cops are outside. You're right, it was like, bam! I blink my eyes are they're there. Everybody starts going apeshit. Then Mr. Blonde starts shootin' all the - That's not correct. -That's not correct. What's wrong with it? -What's wrong with it? The cops didn't show up after the alarm went off. They didn't show till after Mr. Blonde started shooting everyone. -The cops didn't show up after the alarm went off. They didn't show till after Mr. Blonde started shooting everyone. As soon as I heard the alarm, I saw the cops. -As soon as I heard the alarm, I saw the cops. I'm telling ya, it wasn't that soon. They didn't let their presence be known until after Mr. Blonde went off. I'm not sayin' they weren't there, I'm sayin' they were there. But they didn't move in till Mr. Blonde became a madman. That's how I know we were set up. You can see that, can't you, Mr. White? -I'm telling ya, it wasn't that soon. They didn't let their presence be known until after Mr. Blonde went off. I'm not sayin' they weren't there, I'm sayin' they were there. But they didn't move in till Mr. Blonde became a madman. That's how I know we were set up. You can see that, can't you, Mr. White? "Look, enough of this ""Mr White"" shit -" -"Look, enough of this ""Mr White"" shit -" Don't tell me your name, I don't want to know! I sure as hell ain't gonna tell ya mine. -Don't tell me your name, I don't want to know! I sure as hell ain't gonna tell ya mine. You're right, this is bad. How did you get out? -You're right, this is bad. How did you get out? Shot my way out. Everybody was shooting, so I just blasted my way outta there. -Tagged a couple of cops. Did you kill anybody? A few cops. -A few cops. No real people? -No real people? Uh-uh, just cops. -Uh-uh, just cops. Could you believe Mr. Blonde? -Could you believe Mr. Blonde? That was one of the most insane fucking things I've ever seen. Why the fuck would Joe hire somebody like that? -That was one of the most insane fucking things I've ever seen. Why the fuck would Joe hire somebody like that? I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way of the other, you're gettin' outta my way. -I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way of the other, you're gettin' outta my way. That's the way I look at it. A choice between doin' ten years, and takin' out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman either. What the fuck was Joe thinkin'? You can't work with a guy like that. That motherfucker's unstable. What do you think? Do you think he panicked, or ya think he's just trigger-happy? -That's the way I look at it. A choice between doin' ten years, and takin' out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman either. What the fuck was Joe thinkin'? You can't work with a guy like that. That motherfucker's unstable. What do you think? Do you think he panicked, or ya think he's just trigger-happy? I think he's a sick fuckin' maniac! We're awful goddamn lucky he didn't tag us, when he shot up the place. I came this fucking close - to taking his ass out myself. Everybody panics. When things get tense, everybody panics. Everybody. I don't care what your name is, you can't help it. It's human nature. But ya panic on the inside. Ya panic in your head. Ya give yourself a couple a seconds of panic, then you get a grip and deal with the situation. What you don't do, is shoot up the place and kill everybody. -I think he's a sick fuckin' maniac! We're awful goddamn lucky he didn't tag us, when he shot up the place. I came this fucking close - to taking his ass out myself. Everybody panics. When things get tense, everybody panics. Everybody. I don't care what your name is, you can't help it. It's human nature. But ya panic on the inside. Ya panic in your head. Ya give yourself a couple a seconds of panic, then you get a grip and deal with the situation. What you don't do, is shoot up the place and kill everybody. What you're supposed to do is act like a fuckin' professional. A psychopath is not a professional. You can't work with a psychopath, 'cause ya don't know what those sick assholes are gonna do next. I mean, Jesus Christ, how old do you think that black girl was? Twenty, maybe twenty-one? -What you're supposed to do is act like a fuckin' professional. A psychopath is not a professional. You can't work with a psychopath, 'cause ya don't know what those sick assholes are gonna do next. I mean, Jesus Christ, how old do you think that black girl was? Twenty, maybe twenty-one? Did ya see what happened to anybody else? -Did ya see what happened to anybody else? Me and Mr. Orange jumped in the car and Mr. Brown floored it. After that, I don't know what went down. -Me and Mr. Orange jumped in the car and Mr. Brown floored it. After that, I don't know what went down. At that point it became every man for himself. As far as Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue are concerned, I ain't got the foggiest. Once I got out, I never looked back. -At that point it became every man for himself. As far as Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue are concerned, I ain't got the foggiest. Once I got out, I never looked back. What do you think? -What do you think? What do I think? I think the cops caught them, or killed 'em. -What do I think? I think the cops caught them, or killed 'em. Not even a chance they punched through? You found a hole. -Not even a chance they punched through? You found a hole. Yeah, and that was a fucking miracle. But if they did get away, where the fuck are they? -Yeah, and that was a fucking miracle. But if they did get away, where the fuck are they? You don't think it's possible, one of them got a hold of the diamonds and pulled a - -You don't think it's possible, one of them got a hold of the diamonds and pulled a - Nope. -Nope. How can you be so sure? -How can you be so sure? I got the diamonds. -I got the diamonds. Where? -Where? I got 'em, all right? -I got 'em, all right? Where? Are they out in the car? -Where? Are they out in the car? No, they're not in the car. No, I don't have them on me. Ya wanna go with me and get 'em? Yes, we can go right now. But first listen to what I'm telling you. We were fuckin' set up! Somebody is in league with the cops. We got a Judas in our midst. And I'm thinkin' we should have our fuckin' heads examined for waiting around here. -No, they're not in the car. No, I don't have them on me. Ya wanna go with me and get 'em? Yes, we can go right now. But first listen to what I'm telling you. We were fuckin' set up! Somebody is in league with the cops. We got a Judas in our midst. And I'm thinkin' we should have our fuckin' heads examined for waiting around here. That was the plan, we meet here. -That was the plan, we meet here. Then where is everybody? I say the plan became null and void once we found out we got a rat in the house. We ain't got the slightest fuckin' idea what happened to Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue. They could both be dead or arrested. They could be sweatin' 'em, down at the station house right now. Yeah they don't know the names, but they can sing about this place. I mean, that could be happening right now. As we speak, the cops could be in their cars, drivin' here this minute. -Then where is everybody? I say the plan became null and void once we found out we got a rat in the house. We ain't got the slightest fuckin' idea what happened to Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue. They could both be dead or arrested. They could be sweatin' 'em, down at the station house right now. Yeah they don't know the names, but they can sing about this place. I mean, that could be happening right now. As we speak, the cops could be in their cars, drivin' here this minute. I swear to god I'm fuckin' jinxed. -I swear to god I'm fuckin' jinxed. What? -What? Two jobs back, it was a four man job, we discovered one of the team was an undercover cop. -Two jobs back, it was a four man job, we discovered one of the team was an undercover cop. No shit? -No shit? Thank god, we discovered in time. We hadda forget the whole fuckin' thing. Just walked away from it. -Thank god, we discovered in time. We hadda forget the whole fuckin' thing. Just walked away from it. So who's the rat this time? Mr. Blue? Mr. Blonde? Joe? It's Joe's show, he set this whole thing up. Maybe he set it up to set it up. -So who's the rat this time? Mr. Blue? Mr. Blonde? Joe? It's Joe's show, he set this whole thing up. Maybe he set it up to set it up. I don't buy it. Me and Joe go back a long time. I can tell ya straight up, Joe definitely didn't have anything to do with this bullshit. -I don't buy it. Me and Joe go back a long time. I can tell ya straight up, Joe definitely didn't have anything to do with this bullshit. Oh, you and Joe go back a long time. I known Joe since I was a kid. But me saying Joe definitely couldn't have done it is ridiculous. I can say I definitely didn't do it, cause I know what I did or didn't do. But I can't definitely say that about anybody else, 'cause I don't definitely know. For all I know, you're the rat. -Oh, you and Joe go back a long time. I known Joe since I was a kid. But me saying Joe definitely couldn't have done it is ridiculous. I can say I definitely didn't do it, cause I know what I did or didn't do. But I can't definitely say that about anybody else, 'cause I don't definitely know. For all I know, you're the rat. For all I know, you're the rat. -For all I know, you're the rat. Now you're using your head. For all we know, he's the rat. -Now you're using your head. For all we know, he's the rat. That kid in there is dying from a fuckin' bullet that I saw him take. So don't be calling him a rat. -That kid in there is dying from a fuckin' bullet that I saw him take. So don't be calling him a rat. Look, asshole, I'm right! Somebody's a fuckin' rat. How many times do I hafta say it before it sinks in your skull? -I gotta take a squirt, where's the commode in this dungeon? Go down the hall, turn left, up those stairs, then turn right. -So, is he dead or what? He ain't dead. -He ain't dead. So what is it? -So what is it? I think he's just passed out. -I think he's just passed out. He scared the fuckin' shit outta me. I thought he was dead fer sure. -He will be dead fer sure, if we don't get him to a hospital. We can't take him to a hospital. -We can't take him to a hospital. Without medical attention, this man won't live through the night. That bullet in his belly is my fault. Now while that might not mean jack shit to you, it means a helluva lot to me. And I'm not gonna just sit around and watch him die. -Without medical attention, this man won't live through the night. That bullet in his belly is my fault. Now while that might not mean jack shit to you, it means a helluva lot to me. And I'm not gonna just sit around and watch him die. Well, first things first, staying here's goofy. We gotta book up. -Well, first things first, staying here's goofy. We gotta book up. So what do you suggest, we go to a hotel? We got a guy who's shot in the belly, he can't walk, he bleeds like a stuck pig, and when he's awake, he screams in pain. -So what do you suggest, we go to a hotel? We got a guy who's shot in the belly, he can't walk, he bleeds like a stuck pig, and when he's awake, he screams in pain. You gotta idea, spit it out. -You gotta idea, spit it out. Joe could help him. If we can get in touch with Joe, Joe could get him to a doctor, Joe could get a doctor to come and see him. -Assuming we can trust Joe, how we gonna get in touch with him? He's supposed to be here, but he ain't, which is making me nervous about being here. Even if Joe is on the up and up, he's probably not gonna be that happy with us. Joe planned a robbery, but he's got a blood bath on his hands now. Dead cops, dead robbers, dead civilians... Jesus Christ! I tend to doubt he's gonna have a lot of sympathy for our plight. If I was him, I'd try and put as much distance between me and this mess an humanly possible. Before you got here, Mr. Orange was askin' me to take him to a hospital. Now I don't like turning him over to the cops, but if we don't, he's dead. He begged me to do it. I told him to hold off till Joe got here. -Before you got here, Mr. Orange was askin' me to take him to a hospital. Now I don't like turning him over to the cops, but if we don't, he's dead. He begged me to do it. I told him to hold off till Joe got here. Well Joe ain't gettin' here. We're on our own. Now, I don't know a goddamn body who can help him, so if you know somebody, call 'em. -Well Joe ain't gettin' here. We're on our own. Now, I don't know a goddamn body who can help him, so if you know somebody, call 'em. I don't know anybody. -I don't know anybody. Well, I guess we drop him off at the hospital. Since he don't know nothin' about us, I say it's his decision. -Well, I guess we drop him off at the hospital. Since he don't know nothin' about us, I say it's his decision. Well, he knows a little about me. -Well, he knows a little about me. You didn't tell him your name, did ya? -You didn't tell him your name, did ya? I told him my first name, and where I'm from. -Why! I told him where I was from a few days ago. It was just a casual conversation. -I told him where I was from a few days ago. It was just a casual conversation. And what was tellin him your name when you weren't supposed to? -And what was tellin him your name when you weren't supposed to? He asked. -"We had just gotten away from the cops. He just got shot. It was my fuckin' fault he got shot. He's a fuckin' bloody mess - he's screaming. I swear to god, I thought we was gonna die right then and there. I'm tryin' to comfort him, telling him not to worry, he's gonna be okay, I'm gonna take care of him. And he asked me what my name was. I mean, the man was dyin' in my arms. What the fuck was I supposed to tell him, ""Sorry, I can't give out that information, it's against the rules. I don't trust you enough.""? Maybe I shoulda, but I couldn't." Oh, I don't doubt is was quite beautiful - -Oh, I don't doubt is was quite beautiful - Don't fuckin' patronize me. -Don't fuckin' patronize me. One question: Do they have a sheet on you, where you told him you're from? -One question: Do they have a sheet on you, where you told him you're from? Of course. -Of course. Well that's that, then. I mean, I was worried about mug shot possibilities already. But now he knows: what you look like, what your first name is, where you're from and what your specialty is. They ain't gonna hafta show him a helluva lot of pictures for him to pick you out. That's it right, you didn't tell him anything else that could narrow down the selection? -Well that's that, then. I mean, I was worried about mug shot possibilities already. But now he knows: what you look like, what your first name is, where you're from and what your specialty is. They ain't gonna hafta show him a helluva lot of pictures for him to pick you out. That's it right, you didn't tell him anything else that could narrow down the selection? If I have to tell you again to back off, me an you are gonna go round and round. -We ain't taking him to a hospital. If we don't, he'll die. -If we don't, he'll die. And I'm very sad about that. But some fellas are lucky, and some ain't. -And I'm very sad about that. But some fellas are lucky, and some ain't. That fuckin did it! -You wanna shoot me, you little piece of shit? Take a shot! Fuck you, White! I didn't create this situation, I'm just dealin' with it. You're acting like a first- year fuckin' thief. I'm actin like a professional. They get him, they can get you, they get you, they get closer to me, and that can't happen. And you, you motherfucker, are looking at me like it's my fault. I didn't tell him my name. I didn't tell him where I was from. I didn't tell him what I knew better than to tell him. Fuck, fifteen minutes ago, you almost told me your name. You, buddy, are stuck in a situation you created. So if you wanna throw bad looks somewhere, throw 'em at a mirror. -He got it in the belly. He's still alive, but won't be for long. Enough! You better start talkin' to us, asshole, cause we got shit we need to talk about. We're already freaked out, we need you actin freaky like we need a fuckin' bag on our hip. -Is that supposed to be funny? We don't think this place is safe. -We don't think this place is safe. This place just ain't secure anymore. We're leaving, and you should go with us. -Both of you two assholes knock it the fuck off and calm down! So you wanna git bit, huh? -So you wanna git bit, huh? Cut the bullshit, we ain't on a fuckin' playground! I don't believe this shit, both of you got ten years on me, and I'm the only one actin like a professional. You guys act like a bunch of fuckin' niggers. You ever work a job with a bunch of niggers? They're just like you two, always fightin', always sayin' they're gonna kill one another. -Cut the bullshit, we ain't on a fuckin' playground! I don't believe this shit, both of you got ten years on me, and I'm the only one actin like a professional. You guys act like a bunch of fuckin' niggers. You ever work a job with a bunch of niggers? They're just like you two, always fightin', always sayin' they're gonna kill one another. You said yourself, you thought about takin' him out. -You said yourself, you thought about takin' him out. Then. That time has passed. Right now, Mr. Blonde is the only one I completely trust. He's too fuckin' homicidal to be workin' with the cops. -Then. That time has passed. Right now, Mr. Blonde is the only one I completely trust. He's too fuckin' homicidal to be workin' with the cops. You takin' his side? -You takin' his side? Fuck sides! What we need is a little solidarity here. Somebody's stickin' a red hot poker up our asses and we gotta find out whose hand's on the handle. Now I know I'm no piece of shit... And I'm pretty sure you're a good boy... And I'm fuckin positive you're on the level. So let's figure out who's the bad guy. -I told ya he'd be pissed. What are you gonna do about him? -He seems all right now, but he went crazy in the store. This is what he was doin'. -...Hey, I know what I'm talkin' about, black women ain't the same as white women. There's a slight difference. -Okay, Mr. Expert. If this is such a truism, how come every nigger I know treats his woman like a piece of shit? I'll make you a bet that those same damn niggers who were showin' their ass in public, when their bitches get 'em home, they chill the fuck out. -I'll make you a bet that those same damn niggers who were showin' their ass in public, when their bitches get 'em home, they chill the fuck out. Not these guys. -Not these guys. Yeah, those guys too. -Who cares what your name is? Who cares if you're Mr. Pink, Mr. Purple, Mr. Pussy, Mr. Piss... "Oh that's really easy for you to say, you're Mr. White. You gotta cool-sounding name. So tell me, Mr. White, if you think ""Mr. Pink"" is no big deal, you wanna trade?" -Hello Graham -- Joe -- Mr. Gardner. Graham's got something to tell you might interest you. -You should be. Maybe Lednov heard about that Sonora ranch of yours. Maybe he did. -Maybe he did. We're going to look for him. Want to come along? -We're going to look for him. Want to come along? I've got eleven horses to get over the mountains before snow catches me and covers the feed. -I've got eleven horses to get over the mountains before snow catches me and covers the feed. And that's more important than finding Lednov? -And that's more important than finding Lednov? Like you said, maybe he knows where my ranch is. If he does, he'll be waiting on the porch. -Who shot who? Nobody. The light was bad. -What's she doin' runnin' around the country at night. I wouldn't know. Did you ask her? -I wouldn't know. Did you ask her? All I can get out of her is she don't care about livin'. -All I can get out of her is she don't care about livin'. Look of things, she doesn't. -Look of things, she doesn't. Yeah. Keep a closer eye on her -- And him. Shootin' going on, we'll never find Lednov. -You don't know how good it is to see you. Maybe you won't feel that way after I tell you what I stopped in for. -Tell them to come on in. But I'm going to have to leave 'em here. They're --- well they're not the sort of people you're used to. -But I'm going to have to leave 'em here. They're --- well they're not the sort of people you're used to. It doesn't matter who they are. -It doesn't matter who they are. And one of 'em is sick. -And one of 'em is sick. Why didn't you say so. Go right out and get her. Ed. build the fire up. -Anybody hurt? No. We came down the hill a little fast and... ...the wheel broke. Can you fix it for us? -What's the matter with her? Too much excitement. How about the surrey. Can you fix it? -This must have been in the family a long time. It was a gift from the citizens of Aspen. I'm Mary Wells. -And this is Helen Carter. I'm Clay Phillips. My brother Steve. -Yes, ma'am. As far as -- Sonora? -As far as -- Sonora? Just about. -They won't be riding in the wagon. Did you ever try taking a bunch of horses over Sonora Pass? It's quite a job. -Did you ever try taking a bunch of horses over Sonora Pass? It's quite a job. You can't leave us here. -You can't leave us here. Course I can't. I'll give you a lift to the first ranch. -What good is it going to do us to go to some ranch? You can stay here if you like. -You can stay here if you like. We have to get to Sonora. There are jobs waiting for us there. We'll pay you for your trouble. -We have to get to Sonora. There are jobs waiting for us there. We'll pay you for your trouble. I'm not running a stage line, ma'am, and I can't take a chance on losing the horses. -Our kind of women? You'll have to drive -- except down hill. -What's the matter with her? Too much excitement. Or maybe it's just the heat. How about the surrey. Can you fix it? -And this is Helen Carter. I'm Clay Phillips. My brother Steve. -So am I. It's a nice place owned by an old couple named Wyatt. -Thanks. And isn't there something we can do about supper -- or making the beds? Steve and me, we use a saddle for a pillow and roll up in a tarp. -Steve and me, we use a saddle for a pillow and roll up in a tarp. But you eat, don't you? -But you eat, don't you? Mostly, we open a can of beans and boil some coffee. -Mostly, we open a can of beans and boil some coffee. Where do you keep the can opener? -Where do you keep the can opener? In the grub box. Toward morning the dew gets kind of heavy so maybe you better fix up a bed under the wagon. Spread some bunch grass under the tarp and the ground won't be so hard. -Of course it'll work. You can get another girl to fill out the act. And look at it this way. How about Jim -- it puts him in a sort of tough spot. -If you were in his shoes would you take one of us home? I'm not in his shoes, so leave me out of it. -Steve maybe you better get some wood for the fire. Would you, Mr. Phillips? -Would you, Mr. Phillips? Go on, there's a good boy. -There's a nice boy. Yeah. -Yeah. That why you always took him on the other side of the street? -Like what? Like sticking his nose into other people's business. -Get back to the horses. They're straggling. He's learning his letters. -He's learning his letters. Yeah. While the horses wander all over the country. -Learnin' to read has nothing to do with the right or the wrong side of the street. Are the horses stragglin' or aren't they? -Are the horses stragglin' or aren't they? They're stragglin'. -They're stragglin'. His letters will keep. -But the nearest shelter's the Wyatt ranch and that's maybe five hours away. Can we get a doctor at that ranch? -Can we get a doctor at that ranch? No, Ma'am, we can't. We can get a roof and a fire and maybe Mrs. Wyatt knows something about taking care of sick people. -So that was why she tried to run away. Didn't you know she had a father and mother out here? -Didn't you know she had a father and mother out here? I didn't know anything about her except she wanted a job because some man had left her stranded. I couldn't leave her in the street. Let's go. -I didn't know anything about her except she wanted a job because some man had left her stranded. I couldn't leave her in the street. Let's go. Hold on. -Hold on. We can't stay here! -We can't stay here! It's a long walk back to Aspen. -Coffee? No, thanks. I hope we won't be a burden to them. -No, thanks. I hope we won't be a burden to them. I hope so, too. -I'm sorry, but that's how it's got to be. I suppose it is. -I suppose it is. And it's not only because the trip's a tough one -- -You don't have to explain. Did I tell you how grateful I am for what you've done? I couldn't leave you sitting by the road. -I couldn't leave you sitting by the road. You could have treated us like they did in Aspen. No. You wouldn't do a thing like that -- it isn't in you to be mean or cruel. -I hope you get everything you want out of life -- Thanks. -Thanks. You've earned it -- the horse ranch on the Toulomoe -- the girl in the spotted gingham. -You've earned it -- the horse ranch on the Toulomoe -- the girl in the spotted gingham. The who? -The who? You should know. She's in your dream. -Ever since you've looked after Steve you've had the dream -- a ranch on the river -- good grass, good water, barn corral and house --- that part you've shared with Steve. The girl in gingham you plan sneakin' in when he isn't looking. Go on. Tell me more about her. -Go on. Tell me more about her. She wears this gingham dress -- cooks popovers -- makes jam in season -- makes her own soap from pig fat and wood ashes and has cheeks the color of red apples. -She wears this gingham dress -- cooks popovers -- makes jam in season -- makes her own soap from pig fat and wood ashes and has cheeks the color of red apples. I'll make the soap myself. -I'll make the soap myself. But the rest is right. -But the rest is right. Will she be dark or fair? -Will she be dark or fair? Blonde as a new mop. And beautiful as the girl on a feed store calendar. -He knows his alphabet. That's fine. -Are we leaving? It's too light yet. -Better go on back and get some more sleep. You'll need it later on. You're not going out to look for them? -You're not going out to look for them? No, I'm not. All I want 'em to do is keep ahead of us -- a long way ahead. So I'm riding up the line aways to pick us out a new trail. -Don't you trust me? Not on this trail, I don't. I've been over it before. Anyway, you ought to be pretty sleepy. Why don't you climb in back. -Why did you change your mind about bringing us along? Why do you think? -Why do you think? I don't know. I thought I did. Now I'm not sure. I thought it had something to do with me. -I don't know. I thought I did. Now I'm not sure. I thought it had something to do with me. Oh, it did. It had a great deal to do with you. -You know so much about me -- figure it out. So that's it -- You think I was making fun of your girl in gingham. -You wouldn't do a thing like that, would you? Yes. But -- that was the other night. Now -- I don't think I would. -You should have. I don't like leaving things unfinished. Maybe it's better that way. -Maybe it's better that way. You don't mean that Clay. -Tell me, darling. What? -What? What does a man usually tell a girl? -What did you expect? Speeches I don't mean? I don't expect anything. A minute ago I hadn't cuite waked up. -I'm awake now. Go on. Say what you want to say. I'll listen. If it's pretty speeches you want, you won't be hearing them. Even when I mean 'em, they don't come easy. -If it's pretty speeches you want, you won't be hearing them. Even when I mean 'em, they don't come easy. Save 'em for the girl in gingham. Just tell me I'm not good enough for you. Go on. Say a woman like me can't change. -Save 'em for the girl in gingham. Just tell me I'm not good enough for you. Go on. Say a woman like me can't change. All right -- it's said! -All right -- it's said! Then let's get started. The sooner I get to Sonora, the better I'll like it. -No, I'm not all right. I'm soaked and I hit myself against that rock. I suppose that's my fault. -All my clothes -- That's right -- worry about your clothes -- -Go on, take it. Then you can't spend the rest of the trip expecting to get paid. There won't be any rest of the trip. Over the hill is a stage road and when we hit it you get dumped into the first stage that comes along. So keep your money. You'll need it for the fare. I'm fed up with you. I was fed up with you before we started. -So grab yourself some sleep while you have the chance. If you want to go on, I can make it all right. -If you want to go on, I can make it all right. Like I said, I was thinkin' of the horses. -I won't have you fighting over me. I'm sorry. -Maybe it isn't going to Sonora, but it's going somewhere, which is all right with me. It's going to Sonora. -It's going to Sonora. Fine -- maybe I'll see you there sometime. -Some of 'em you didn't mean but most of 'em you did. I don't blame you because I understand your way of thinking and why you think that way. You want your women on pedestals. But they have to be born on 'em -- they can fall off but they can't climb back up. I can't help how I think. You're trained a certain way when you're a kid and you can't change. -I can't change either. Not unless somebody wants me enough to give me a hand. Hurry up. -I'm fool enough to believe that one of these days somebody will. Somebody who wants me as I am will maybe walk into the place where I'm working and take me out of there. Maybe they will. -Goodbye. Thanks for the lift. Goodbye, Mary. -Goodbye, Mary. By the way, if you ever go past the Wyatt ranch, have another talk with Elaine. -Thanks for taking over. Thanks for loading me on the stage. I know now why you did it. -Thanks for loading me on the stage. I know now why you did it. Like I said, women get in the way sometimes. -Where you going? To the other side of the street. -That job you were talkin' about, did you get it yet? Why? -Why? Because... well, you said you wanted a man to think enough of you to walk in the place you were working and take you out of there... tonight I was sort of tied up with Steve... but tomorrow I figured on doing just that. -Because... well, you said you wanted a man to think enough of you to walk in the place you were working and take you out of there... tonight I was sort of tied up with Steve... but tomorrow I figured on doing just that. I haven't got the job yet. -Drop yours. I'm gunshy. Then don't come sneakin' around a man's camp. -Then don't come sneakin' around a man's camp. A fellow sees a fire go out all of a sudden, he don't take chances. My name's Clayton and I'm looking for someone. -I found their surrey -- So did I. They were in it. -So did I. They were in it. She's a friend -- took off this morning sort of sudden while I wasn't around. -Here's a man says he's looking for you girls. Hello, Miss Wells. -I -- lost something. It wouldn't happen to be this... -Stretch out under the seat, Miss. Which ranch? -Which ranch? How's that? -I can't -- You've got to -- don't you understand -- they want me with them and they'll fix it so I have to go -- -You've got to -- don't you understand -- they want me with them and they'll fix it so I have to go -- No they won't. -How does she draw? A little hot. -That's right. I don't see no sense to makin' people leave town if they don't want to leave. -Who's Lednov? A man I used to know. -You might tell a fellow things, 'specially if the fellow's your brother, seems to me. Like what? -Like why you're buyin' a whole slew of 30 30 shells all of a sudden. I don't want to run short. -I don't want to run short. You never said this Lednov's name before, that I can remember. -You never said this Lednov's name before, that I can remember. No call to. That jail looked pretty solid to me. How's she feel? -No call to. That jail looked pretty solid to me. How's she feel? Nice. -But it's leaded up and anyway a 22's no good for real huntin'. You shoot a man with a 22 and where are you? The thing to do is stick to rabbits. -What was he in jail for? You sure worry that bone. He killed a fellow. -You sure worry that bone. He killed a fellow. In a fight? -In a fight? The other fellow wasn't even lookin'. -The other fellow wasn't even lookin'. This is an awful nice gun. Certainly come in handy when there's men around who shoot people that aren't lookin'. -You must be plenty worried about Lednov sneakin' up on us. Think he will? Yes. -Yes. At the ranch maybe? -At the ranch maybe? Maybe at the ranch. Maybe sooner than that. -Maybe at the ranch. Maybe sooner than that. Do you have to be so close-mouthed? I'm your brother. And I'm ridin' with you. Remember? -Do you have to be so close-mouthed? I'm your brother. And I'm ridin' with you. Remember? All right. I'll tell you. -That's Lednov! We come along here. And meet him there. -And meet him there. Unless the sheriff gets too close and he holes up. -Sure a lot of guys lookin' for Lednov. Yeah -- and Lednov's only lookin' for one man. Me. -Yeah -- and Lednov's only lookin' for one man. Me. Why? -Why? He doesn't like me. What you eatin'? -He doesn't like me. What you eatin'? Lednov. -They sure must have been travelin'. This keeps up we can start a store. Things get tough next winter, you'll have somethin' to wear. -I've got eleven horses. Morgan blood. The beat in Nevada. Clay and me have a place on the Toulomne River. We're going to raise horses like these. -Where'd they go? Swimming. -There was only three of them at first. I guess I lost my head. How'd you happen to miss? -How'd you happen to miss? They were quite a ways off and the wind was blowin'. I didn't have them to aim. -They were quite a ways off and the wind was blowin'. I didn't have them to aim. Good thing you didn't. -A man can't help gettin' excited once in a while. That's right, Steve. -That's right, Steve. Can I have my gun back? -Can I have my gun back? Sure. You'll find it under the wagon seat. Like I said before, a twenty- two's more your size. -It's all right with me if she teaches you, but I don't want you forgettin' your job. I won't again. -Okeh, I was wrong. But you can't expect a fellow who never saw Lednov and never heard his name until a while ago to do too much worryin'. You've been sorta close mouthed about him. I guess I have. You were pretty little when they locked him up. I don't suppose you even remember that time I was gone two months. -I guess I have. You were pretty little when they locked him up. I don't suppose you even remember that time I was gone two months. Sure I remember. You went to Mexico lookin' for cattle. -Sure I remember. You went to Mexico lookin' for cattle. You remember Jeff Rawson? -- We used to go fishing and hunting with him when you were so high. -You remember Jeff Rawson? -- We used to go fishing and hunting with him when you were so high. Sure I do. Went off down to Mexico or something... -Sure I do. Went off down to Mexico or something... That's what I told you then. Only he didn't. Lednov killed him. -That's what I told you then. Only he didn't. Lednov killed him. Oh... that's the time you went away. -Oh... that's the time you went away. I caught up with Lednov in Nogales. He didn't like the idea of comin' back across the border but he came. I turned him over to the sheriff and -- that's the story. -I caught up with Lednov in Nogales. He didn't like the idea of comin' back across the border but he came. I turned him over to the sheriff and -- that's the story. Maybe you shoulda killed him. -Maybe you shoulda killed him. Maybe I should. But I was never much on killin'. Anyway, he moved too quick and I just got him through the shoulder. Looks pretty peaceful up ahead. -Maybe I should. But I was never much on killin'. Anyway, he moved too quick and I just got him through the shoulder. Looks pretty peaceful up ahead. Yeah, it does. -Yeah, it does. But you never can tell. Why don't you get that new rifle out of the wagon? -Leaving them here when we could just as well take them. We got plenty of room in the wagon. And -- and -- they cook and drive the mules. They don't bother anybody. Finished, son? -Finished, son? There's only two of them now. -Don't go arguing with your teacher. I'm not, but there's some of it I don't see any sense to. -I'm not, but there's some of it I don't see any sense to. There's a lot of things I don't see any sense to. But make up your mind. Learn to read or -- -- go back and watch the horses. -Want the wagon unloaded, Clay? Just the grub box and bed rolls. -I didn't stop to think, Clay. You better start. -All right, I hurt your feelings. But you know better than to go lightin' fires. That ain't why. I just figure it's about time to start runnin' my own life. -Come on. We got a couple hours to eat and get some sleep. I'll eat when I'm good and ready. -I'll eat when I'm good and ready. Kind of feeling your oats this morning. I haven't laid a hand on you for quite a while, but that doesn't mean you're too old. -Kind of feeling your oats this morning. I haven't laid a hand on you for quite a while, but that doesn't mean you're too old. What makes you think you're so almighty? Telling people what to do and how to act when you don't even know how yourself. -Go on, hit me. Sit down and eat. Till I say the word, you're doing what you're told. -Sit down and eat. Till I say the word, you're doing what you're told. You oughta say you're sorry -- that's what you oughta do. -You oughta say you're sorry -- that's what you oughta do. You keep your nose out of my life, young fella. -You keep your nose out of my life, young fella. Maybe I haven't lived as long as you have, but I know a sight more about people and I wouldn't talk to a mule like you talked to her and, if I did, I'd say how sorry I was. I'd be man enough to do that. -I said keep your nose out of my life. No kid is going to tell me how to run it. You think you're so slmighty -- smart -- Who are you to sit up there and say nobody's good enough for you, like you said yesterday -- just because a man kisses a woman -- -You know what she asked me? I don't care what she asked you. -I don't care what she asked you. She told me not to fight with you anymore. She said it wasn't your fault, but -- I figure different... -It is so your fault and... and I guess maybe when we hit the ranch... you andme better... You want to split up? -- -Half of them are mine. You'll get your share. Go on. I don't want you around. -What did you come back for? Like I told you, half those horses are mine. I'm makin' sure they get to the ranch safe. So let's quit arguing and do whatever you figure on doin'. -Is that the only reason you came back? Sure. What other reason would there be? -Sure. What other reason would there be? I just wondered. Let's go. -How's that? Kind of sore. -Kind of sore. You'll live. -You'll live. Guess maybe I'm old enough to hold my own in a fight, huh? -Guess maybe I'm old enough to hold my own in a fight, huh? Yeah -- but don't make a habit of it. -Yeah -- but don't make a habit of it. So -- maybe I'm old enough to tell you how to run your life? -So -- maybe I'm old enough to tell you how to run your life? I guess so -- but don't make a habit of it. -I guess so -- but don't make a habit of it. Well, then, I know it takes three -- four weeks for you to come round to admit when you're wrong... But by that time she's liable to be in China... -You can light the lamp. I'm sure glad it's you. We were afraid those killers might come back. Three men on matched roans? -Yeah, how did you know? The whole state's lookin' for 'em. And they're lookin' for me. -I'm sorry about this, Mr. Wyatt. I didn't know who she was. All right, you didn't know. -All right, you didn't know. I can't take her with me. -I can't take her with me. Nobody asked you to. -You're not bein' quite fair. What's there to be fair about? -I'm sorry about this, Mr. Wyatt. I didn't know you had a daughter. All right, you didn't know. -All right, you didn't know. I can't take her with me. -I can't take her with me. Nobody asked you to. -You're not bein' quite fair. What's there to be fair about? -You can't stay here. There's snakes and it's cold and you'll just get sicker. I don't care. -I don't care. Suppose that Lednov was to have found you, instead of me. Why you wouldn't have had a chance. -Suppose that Lednov was to have found you, instead of me. Why you wouldn't have had a chance. I said I didn't care. -I said I didn't care. What's botherin' you, anyway? -Runnin' off and worryin' people. Makin' it tougher on Clay than it is already. Don't ask me because I won't tell you! I won't tell anybody! Go away! -Don't ask me because I won't tell you! I won't tell anybody! Go away! Don't act so -- crazy. -Don't act so -- crazy. I'm sorry. Let's go. -I'm sorry. Let's go. That's a good girl. -Helen -- why don't you and Mary go on with Clay? He won't take us. Don't you want us around? -He won't take us. Don't you want us around? Of course I do -- but it'd be better for you -- and the house is kind of small -- -Of course I do -- but it'd be better for you -- and the house is kind of small -- If you're worried about Mary and me talkin' too much, don't. No matter how many questions your old man asks. We know how to keep our mouths shut. -If you're worried about Mary and me talkin' too much, don't. No matter how many questions your old man asks. We know how to keep our mouths shut. It isn't that -- -It isn't that -- Don't talk -- eat -- we want to get you well quick as we can so we can all get out of here. -Don't talk -- eat -- we want to get you well quick as we can so we can all get out of here. But I want to stay. -But I want to stay. Drink this and stop being silly. Why would anyone want to live in this place. You might as well be dead and buried. Nothing to do but look at mountains. In a week you'd be talking to yourself. Maybe that's what got you started in the first place. -I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here where I belong. Not if I know Mary. When she rides into Sonora, you'll be with her. And mighty glad to be there after this. I don't see how you stood it as long as you did. -Not if I know Mary. When she rides into Sonora, you'll be with her. And mighty glad to be there after this. I don't see how you stood it as long as you did. Stop it -- stop it. -Stop it -- stop it. Darling -- now I've got you all upset. -Go away -- please. That's right -- you go back to sleep. Tomorrow when you feel better things will look a whole lot different. Don't you worry about anything -- Mary's going to talk things over with your folks -- -She mustn't -- don't you let her -- There, there. Don't you upset yourself -- -There, there. Don't you upset yourself -- If she says anything to them I'll kill her. -You got no business snoopin' around -- Me snoopin'? I came down here to take a bath. -That something I shouldn't see? No. But it's mine and I didn't want anyone foolin' with it. -What is it? Just a thing I was workin' on. -Just a thing I was workin' on. The way you act, it must be something pretty secret. -Go on. Take your bath. I'll beat it. You wouldn't have a smoke on you, would you? -That sure smells good. I like it. -I like it. Up here in the hills, a man gets a hankering to smell powder. -Up here in the hills, a man gets a hankering to smell powder. Then why stay in the hills. -You're sure there's more where this came from? Plenty more. And somewhere up there's the lode, the rock rotten with it. -I figure we'll get along just fine. Well cheer, why don't you? No more responsibilities, Mary. Marcia -- Elaine -- me -- all taken care of. Down there feeding horses and raising kids, you won't have a thing to worry about. -I saw your fire and dropped by to say hello. Well, say it. -What's the matter -- restless? Yes, people make me restless. -Yes, people make me restless. Even women? -Even women? There aren't any women here. -There aren't any women here. I suppose that's your wagon in the river. -I suppose that's your wagon in the river. Some people who went by this way lost it. Two men and some women. They packed their stuff on horses and went on. -Some people who went by this way lost it. Two men and some women. They packed their stuff on horses and went on. And you're all alone. -And you're all alone. Yeah. -Suppose I take a look. Go ahead. -When I ask questions, I like to hear answers. They went on like I told you. -Until you came along we were going to Sonora. What do you know about that. Did you sell your place? -What do you know about that. Did you sell your place? Not exactly. They decided gambling and dancing were bad for people. Can I make it? -Not exactly. They decided gambling and dancing were bad for people. Can I make it? Depends on how good you drive. -There you are. Now take it easy and you'll be all right. Thank you, Mr. Graham. -Aspen doesn't want us Mr. Graham. They threw us out. They shouldn't have done that. -They shouldn't have done that. We tried to point that out. But there were some pretty nosey citizens who wouldn't listen to reason. They said Aspen had outgrown us. It's all right to play poker in your own home but not in a saloon. -We tried to point that out. But there were some pretty nosey citizens who wouldn't listen to reason. They said Aspen had outgrown us. It's all right to play poker in your own home but not in a saloon. I knew something would happen when they started puttin' up fences and passin' laws. -Goodbye and thanks. I don't like to see you go. -Maybe you're going about this all wrong. Why not try telling him we'll do the cookin' and mendin' and washin' for him. That usually works. Yeah, but suppose he took us up on it. Where would we be? Maybe in Sonora. -You think that's all we busted -- You should see... Now where's she goin'? -- -With a milk pail in one hand and a marriage license in the other. Why didn't you say you wanted to get married back in Aspen. I told the man in Sonora there were four of us. If only three show up, he might call the whole deal off. We've got to stick together. Like we've always done. -It isn't like this was the first place we were ever thrown out of. That's not what's worryin' me. Why didn't she tell us? Maybe we could have done somethin' -- gone somewhere else -- puttin' a poor sick kid through this -- -That's not what's worryin' me. Why didn't she tell us? Maybe we could have done somethin' -- gone somewhere else -- puttin' a poor sick kid through this -- Quit worryin' about Elaine. -I tried my best, but these things take time. And we're running out of that. -And we're running out of that. There's still tomorrow morning. -How long do you think we'll have to stay here? Until Pa gets around to driving us to Minden. -Until Pa gets around to driving us to Minden. We don't want to go there. -We don't want to go there. No we don't. But that's where we're going. From Minden we take a stage to Reno, then another one over to Auburn and another one to Placerville. Then it's a day's trip to Sonora. -No we don't. But that's where we're going. From Minden we take a stage to Reno, then another one over to Auburn and another one to Placerville. Then it's a day's trip to Sonora. Clay could save us an awful lot of time. -Clay could save us an awful lot of time. He certainly could. About a month. -He certainly could. About a month. What are you waiting for? Do something. -You're not giving up? How many ways can a man say no. -Maybe I better start working on him. You'd think he'd do it for Elaine's sake, at least... -Go on. Have another try at him. What's the use. -What's the use. Please. Maybe he'll take a good look at you and stop thinking so much about his horses. -We might as well start a fire. Go ahead. Get in training for the pioneer life. I'm finding the nearest body of water and climbing into it. -Give it back to him. We're leavin'. Maybe you are. I'm not. --- Gaslights and a dance floor and a big bar. Cash registers with bells and a couple of boys with armbands just to keep 'em ringing. What do you think of that? Sounds fine. Only that isn't how it's going to be. -I'm sure of this. But not of you. You won't open any joint. I've been watching you change. You're mad now and you think you can change back. But you can't. You'll end up making beds in a boarding house. That's it then. -Mary, Honey. I talked too much, like always -- he thinks you told Elaine the things I told her. I don't care what he thinks. -How do you know who we are? Everybody knows -- -Everybody knows -- Who brought you here? -You said somebody was comin' back -- who's comin' back? Stop it -- -Clay Phillips. Where is he? -Where is he? Up the trail. -How far up the trail? I don't know -- I don't know. -We got to get movin'. What for? -What for? Because there's a man I want to see. -Because there's a man I want to see. He can wait. Let's stay here until morning. -I said let's go. One night more won't matter. Your friend'll be there. Anyway I don't think so much of the idea of prowling around his ranch. He knows you're out so he ain't going to sit still for it. -One night more won't matter. Your friend'll be there. Anyway I don't think so much of the idea of prowling around his ranch. He knows you're out so he ain't going to sit still for it. I said I had a guy to see and I'm going to see him. -We got company. Female company. Yeah, we sure have. -Why, yes. They're all I need... Mine's gone lame. Take a look at him. -He dropped a shoe. You shouldn't be ridin' him. Put on another one. -Put on another one. That won't help the stone bruise. You ain't been around horses much, looks like. -That won't help the stone bruise. You ain't been around horses much, looks like. Will you quit gabbin' and do what you're told. -What are you doin' -- Lookin' around. -Pleased to meet you, ma'am. We found your trunk. Were you doin' the driven'? I was at first. Then I was hanging on. Are you going far? -Is that your kind of reading, Steve? I can't read, Ma'am. I just look at the pictures. -Your brother's always looked after you, hasn't he? Since I can remember, Ma'am. -Since I can remember, Ma'am. But he just never troubled to have you get any schooling? -It wasn't Clay's fault. We've been moving around most all the time -- mebbe when we get the ranch and stay in one place I can learn my letters then -- Don't you even know your letters? -Would you like to learn them? I sure would. -I sure would. Maybe I could start you out. -Maybe I could start you out. That'd be swell. You know, you're an awful lot different than I thought you'd be. -You're so nice. Did someone say I wasn't nice? -Did someone say I wasn't nice? Oh no. Nobody said nothing to me. Only I got the idea that -- well Clay and me used to be walking through town and there was your place and through the window I could see you dancing, but Clay always took me over to the other side of the street. -Good night, Miss Wells. Good night, Steve. -Gee, I can't. Why not? You went farther than that last time. -Why not? You went farther than that last time. I'm too old for it, Miss Wells... That's for little kids. -I'm too old for it, Miss Wells... That's for little kids. Don't be silly... Nobody's too old to learn. -Don't be silly... Nobody's too old to learn. Okay. A-B-C -- D-E-F -- G-H-I -- -Aren't we stayin'? No. We're not stayin' -- -What comes after Z? That's the end of the line. -That's the end of the line. Then I know my alphabet. -Then I know my alphabet. From A to Z. All you have to do now is figure out what they mean put together in words. -And that's tough, isn't it? Without someone to teach you, it's tough. --- and even if I do learn to read, what use'll it be? I'm goin' to live on a ranch! There's plenty of use for reading -- you'll see. -U-n-i-c-o-r-n-... What in heck's that? Unicorn -- a kind of animal -- -Unicorn -- a kind of animal -- What do they look like? -What do they look like? Hmmm... sort of like a horse -- with a horn in the center of its forehead. -Hmmm... sort of like a horse -- with a horn in the center of its forehead. Horses with horns! Huh! Do we have 'em in Nevada? -Horses with horns! Huh! Do we have 'em in Nevada? No. -No. How about California? -How about California? Would they be good to eat? -Would they be good to eat? Kind of tough, I guess... But you're not liable to hunt them -- I don't think there's any alive now, anyways -- and I'm not sure but I don't think there ever were... -Kind of tough, I guess... But you're not liable to hunt them -- I don't think there's any alive now, anyways -- and I'm not sure but I don't think there ever were... Then if they wasn't alive, how can they be an animal?... -An' if you can't hunt 'em and even if you could they'd be tough, what's the use of knowin' how to spell them? You don't read to fill your stomach... Poetry, for instance. All the poems in the world wouldn't fill you half as much as a bowl of eatmeal -- but they make you feel good. -You don't read to fill your stomach... Poetry, for instance. All the poems in the world wouldn't fill you half as much as a bowl of eatmeal -- but they make you feel good. I feel good anyways. -Well, Steve? Now I know what a unicorn is, what do we do next? -Nobody's gonna catch him sleeping. Don't worry about him. Oh, I wasn't worrying. I saw him saddling up and thought he was ready to leave. -Sometimes not knowin' how to read has its points. You can't read books so you look at people and figure 'em out. And you've got me all figured out? -And you've got me all figured out? Sure. -Like when you were standin' there looking after Clay. I knew right off what you were thinking. Because I've been watching you. You were supposed to be reading words. -You were supposed to be reading words. I was doin' both. Here. -Don't pay any attention to him. That's his way and I've found he's sure easy to get along with. I don't recollect him havin' hit me more'n a couple of times and I guess I had it comin'. But you're his brother. -But you're his brother. He'll treat his wife just as good. Maybe better. Ever see him use a bull snake on the mules like other wranglers? -She was only teasin'. Oh, sure. -Oh, sure. Let me do that. -For the last ten miles I've been trying to figure out how to sleep sitting up. I'm getting to the point where I don't think there's any place named Sonora. It's a long ways yet. I figure we ought to camp. She's tired. -You stretch out. I'll fix something to eat. Thanks, Steve. -You don't know what it is to be sorry. Steve -- -Goodnight. Goodnight, Miss Wells. -Goodnight, Miss Wells. If you need me, I'll be -- -Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. I just broke up with my boyfriend, that's all. -Yeah, I'm fine. I just broke up with my boyfriend, that's all. That's always tough. How long were you together? -That's always tough. How long were you together? Well, we never made it official, so I guess we were technically never really boyfriend and girlfriend, but I was seeing him in school. I saw him at the mall about six months ago and I was too nervous to introduce myself so I followed him to his car, and jotted down the license plate number. It was registered to his mother, so I went to her house. She was so nice. I mean, she seemed like she would be nice 'cuz I never really spoke to her. I just waited til she went to work then I climbed in through her window and borrowed her phone book. I say borrowed because I'm going to give it back one day. But anyway, I called everyone in it til I found her son. He wasn't home when I called so I left this message how much in love I was with him. I was, and how I wanted to have his children. Just really opening up, and he never called back. I'd call and call, and anyway, six months and two restraining orders later I just decided I deserved better. What about you? Do you have a boyfriend? -Well, we never made it official, so I guess we were technically never really boyfriend and girlfriend, but I was seeing him in school. I saw him at the mall about six months ago and I was too nervous to introduce myself so I followed him to his car, and jotted down the license plate number. It was registered to his mother, so I went to her house. She was so nice. I mean, she seemed like she would be nice 'cuz I never really spoke to her. I just waited til she went to work then I climbed in through her window and borrowed her phone book. I say borrowed because I'm going to give it back one day. But anyway, I called everyone in it til I found her son. He wasn't home when I called so I left this message how much in love I was with him. I was, and how I wanted to have his children. Just really opening up, and he never called back. I'd call and call, and anyway, six months and two restraining orders later I just decided I deserved better. What about you? Do you have a boyfriend? No, I haven't dated in a while. My last boyfriend's... -Brenda was right. There's more to the story than the Professor told us. I found a secret room. It had all these news clippings about Hugh Kane. He was a very evil man. Ah, they just don't know you the way I do. -Ah, they just don't know you the way I do. I found a picture of his wife. -I found a picture of his wife. Wife?! -Oh, he was a widower. Why didn't you say that?... Don't worry, sweetie, I can whip up a new batch in a flash. I think he wants me. -I think he wants me. Ha! Right bitch! -No, I won't let you do it. Alex, what are you doing? -Alex, what are you doing? Shut up, you slut. You think you can take him from me? Well, over my dead body. -Hey, Brenda. Do I know you? -Do I know you? "Well, actually, we've never met officially, but I bumped into you at the cafeteria and you were so sweet. I said, ""I'm sorry,"" and you said, ""Watch it, white bitch, or I'll put my size eight in your ass."" I thought how cool. I wear a size eight, too. Anyway, this is my best friend, Cindy." -Me, too. 101? "In room ""302"" at ten o'clock?" -"In room ""302"" at ten o'clock?" That's it. -That's it. Oh, this is too much. I'm gonna have to play these numbers. Remind me to pick up a Lotto ticket. -And remember that trip we took to Africa? That safari was so wonderful. Me, you... best of friends... forever. Uh, Alex, we've only know each other one day. -Uh, Alex, we've only know each other one day. Oh... I guess I'll die now. -Oh... I guess I'll die now. Okay... maybe that would be best. -Oh, remember that time I got my training bra and you -- Never happened! -My favorite memory was when we -- Would you die already?! -We already know each other. Hey, Brenda. Hey, Cindy. Your friend needs help. -Hey, Cindy. Your friend needs help. Actually, I just met her. This is Alex. -Actually, I just met her. This is Alex. Oh my god. Madam Elsa, my psychic, told me I would meet somebody whose name starts with a letter of the alphabet today. -Oh my god. Madam Elsa, my psychic, told me I would meet somebody whose name starts with a letter of the alphabet today. Really? That's amazing. -Really? That's amazing. Hey girl, that jacket is slamming. -Hey girl, that jacket is slamming. Thanks. -Thanks. You better be careful. I heard some girl got her ass whooped and jacket stolen earlier today. Hey, what class do we have next? -You better be careful. I heard some girl got her ass whooped and jacket stolen earlier today. Hey, what class do we have next? Psychology. -Ouch!! Brenda, are you okay? Come sit. -Brenda, are you okay? Come sit. No, you don't understand. It's here in these statues... -Help! Now, why that bitch gotta bring that shit this way? I hope she didn't see me. -Oh my God! We're dead! It would've just been you, if you would've kept your mouth shut. -It's coming! What?! What is it, a monster?! -Hey, look, I'm Wilma Flintstone. Hey, I have an idea... -Oh my God, the ghost has Buddy! Brenda do something! Okay. -Cindy, what's going on? It's Hanson, he's evil. Let's get him! -This house was built in 1898 by a man named Archibald Keaton as a gift to his wife, Cora. Yes, I feel their spirits. Cora... Keaton... I am here to communicate... -Yes, I feel their spirits. Cora... Keaton... I am here to communicate... No, they sold the house in 1920 to a millionaire, Uriah Bloodworth. -No, they sold the house in 1920 to a millionaire, Uriah Bloodworth. Yes, of course, Uriah. I feel his evil presence. -Yes, of course, Uriah. I feel his evil presence. No, he lost the house after the stock market crash. -No, he lost the house after the stock market crash. But he could still be haunting the house. He's angry that he had to leave. -But he could still be haunting the house. He's angry that he had to leave. He's not dead, you idiot. He lives in Florida. Now, shut up and let me finish. -Hello Brenda. Hello Ray. -Shhh... It's okay. Ray, have you been here all this time? -Ray, have you been here all this time? I just wanted to make sure you were okay. -I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm fine. Just a few bruises. -I'm fine. Just a few bruises. So, I guess I can go now. -So, I guess I can go now. No, stay. -No, stay. You sure? -You sure? Yeah, I think I'll feel better sleeping in the arms of a strong man. -Yeah, I think I'll feel better sleeping in the arms of a strong man. Yeah, me too. -Are you okay? I thought I heard screaming. Oh, I'm fine... just clowning around. -He's right. I should go first. He's so brave. -Where's Shorty? I don't know. He was right behind us. Wait here. I'll be right back. -Ray, run faster. Okay. -Hey, you left your book back there. Thanks. I'm Cindy. -So, I see you're really into spooks. No. I never date outside my race. -No. I never date outside my race. I meant you're into ghosts. -I meant you're into ghosts. Oh, yeah. I'm just curious about that kind of stuff. -Oh, yeah. I'm just curious about that kind of stuff. So it looks like we're going to be spending the weekend together. -So it looks like we're going to be spending the weekend together. Yeah. -Yeah. Maybe we can study together or something. -Maybe we can study together or something. I'm sorry, Buddy. You seem really nice, but I'm just getting over a really bad relationship, and I'm not ready to start dating yet. -But, hey, maybe we can be friends. Sure, that would be cool. Friends. -Sure, that would be cool. Friends. Okay. See you later, friend. -Hi Buddy. Open chest!!! -You know, Buddy, about this friendship thing... Yeah, it's great, isn't it. I think it's so cool... have a girl as a friend. -Yeah, it's great, isn't it. I think it's so cool... have a girl as a friend. That's just it, Buddy. I'm a girl. You can't be so rough with me. -That's just it, Buddy. I'm a girl. You can't be so rough with me. Then what kinda stuff can we do? -Then what kinda stuff can we do? Gentle stuff like talking, sharing thoughts and ideas, secrets and past experiences. Stuff like that, you know. -Gentle stuff like talking, sharing thoughts and ideas, secrets and past experiences. Stuff like that, you know. It sounds gay, but guess since you're a girl it's okay, huh? -It sounds gay, but guess since you're a girl it's okay, huh? Yeah, it will be fine. I wanna check something out. Will you come with me? -Yeah, it will be fine. I wanna check something out. Will you come with me? Sure. We can practice talking. -Sure. We can practice talking. Okay. -Buddy... Wait, I'm just about to tell you the best part. -Dude, somebody's on the rag. Shhh! -Whoa, check this out. She looks like you. Wow, she's beautiful. You really think she looks like me? -Wow, she's beautiful. You really think she looks like me? Her hair doesn't have as many split ends at yours. Her skin isn't as oily as yours, either. Also, sometimes your eyes get kinda squinty and they look like you might have Down's Syndrome or something. Otherwise the resemblance is uncanny. -Oh yeah... another difference is she looks more sophisticated and classy. More feminine. And her tits are perfect. Not pointy and funny looking, or spaced too far apart... Alright! -Where the hell are we? It looks like the furnace. -It looks like the furnace. Let's get outta here. -Let's get outta here. Wait, I want to check something. Give me a hand. -Well, if that's Hanson, then who's the guy with the hand? Hugh Kane. -Yeah, I think I'm bleeding. Come on. There's a first aid kit in the lab. -Cindy, I've been thinking about this whole friend thing. I never had a friend that cares for me the way you do... I mean, there's Ray, but he cares for me in a different way. You know, bringing me flowers. Running my bath water. And then there's nights I wake up screaming and I look over and Ray's in my bed. Holding me. And seeing that tonight might be our last night together, I was thinking... That we should take our friendship a little further? -That we should take our friendship a little further? Yes... -Yes... Oh, Buddy, I was thinking the same thing. It might be our last night in this house. And I think we should take full advantage of it. -Oh, Buddy, I was thinking the same thing. It might be our last night in this house. And I think we should take full advantage of it. I was thinking the same thing. -We should act out our inner most fantasies. Great!!! -Great!!! Like, I've always wanted to walk on the moon. -Like, I've always wanted to walk on the moon. Huh? -What about you, Buddy? Well, I was hoping to get my balls licked. -He's here. Shit! -What are we gonna do? I'm cold. I can't move, I'm so cold. Can you feel that? -Can you feel that? No. Try a little higher. -Feel that? No. Keep rubbing. -Better try a little higher. Now, come on -- you know I'm not ready for that kind of -- -Now, come on -- you know I'm not ready for that kind of -- Cindy, please! It's a matter of life and death. I'm asking you a friend. -Cindy, please! It's a matter of life and death. I'm asking you a friend. Well... okay... but only as a friend. -Cindy, let me... No, Buddy, I'm the one he wants. -No, Buddy, I'm the one he wants. Actually, I was going to say let me have your computer if you die. -There's something I really want to share with you. There's something I want to share with you too. Here, smell this. -Cindy, about this whole friendship thing... Yeah, I know, I just love having a guy for a friend. -Yeah, I know, I just love having a guy for a friend. I know, but I've been thinking -- -I know, but I've been thinking -- I know, but I've been thinking -- -I know, but I've been thinking -- Listen to me I -- -Listen to me I -- Listen to me I -- -Listen to me I -- Look, what I'm trying to say -- -Look, what I'm trying to say -- Look, what I'm trying to say -- -Stop it! I'm just trying to say I think we should take our friendship to the next level. Oh. -Oh. I don't want to be your friend like this anymore. -I don't want to be your friend like this anymore. Then what are we going to do? -Then what are we going to do? You know, walking on the beach, holding hands, kissing, making love... -You know, walking on the beach, holding hands, kissing, making love... That sounds kinda gay, but since you're a guy, I guess it's okay. -That sounds kinda gay, but since you're a guy, I guess it's okay. Let's get a hot dog. -Hey, look out, a bee! Oh, Buddy, I've never had someone be so protective of me! -Oh, Buddy, I've never had someone be so protective of me! That's what your man is supposed to do. -Hey, wanna' share a soda? Oh, Buddy, that's so romantic. -Oh, Buddy, that's so romantic. Yeah. Can I borrow five bucks? -What should we get? I don't care. You pick. -I don't care. You pick. Hot dogs. -Are you okay? I think so. -I think so. Come on. We better get you cleaned up. -No, I just heard the commotion, and when I got there I guess it was gone. What, you think I did this to myself? -Good-night, Cin. I'll be next door if you need me. Thanks, I'll be fine. -Okay, I get the point. So, whatever happened to her? -So, whatever happened to her? She killed herself a week before he died. -Let her go, Cin. But he'll kill her! -But he'll kill her! That means more screen time for us. -I'm sorry, I should have been watching where I... It's okay. -It's okay. Oh, my God, Ray! What are you doing here? -Oh, my God, Ray! What are you doing here? It's the sequel. -It's the sequel. Oh, right. -Oh, right. Listen, no need for you to worry. All that stuff that happened before is behind us. Let's just try to move on. -Listen, no need for you to worry. All that stuff that happened before is behind us. Let's just try to move on. I am. So just do me a favor and stay away from me. -How about these buns? Yeah, they're so warm and soft. -Come in somebody. Can you hear me? This is Ray. What's up? Where are you? -This is Ray. What's up? Where are you? The ghost is close. He almost got us. Buddy is hurt. -The ghost is close. He almost got us. Buddy is hurt. What's your location? I repeat, what's your location? -What's your location? I repeat, what's your location? Right behind you. -Where's Shorty? I don't know. He was right behind me a minute ago. -Ray, you saved my life. Are you okay? Yeah, I broke my fall. -Oh my God! I'm here with the... Yes, Professor Oldman's group. Forgive me. I didn't mean to frighten you. -I'm Cindy. I'm Hanson the caretaker. -Ummm!! They smell delicious. Thanks. I made them by hand. -Morphine? chloroform? Horse tranquilizers? You've drugged him! No, actually, I found him like this. That's his stuff. -Hanson, please. Don't worry Cindy, the brain itself feels no pain. -Stop touching his brain! Um, I'm not touching anything. -"Tell me, Cindy. Would you ever tell me ""Stop. If you loved me you'd stop.""" Not in a thousand years. -Stop! -- Made you say it! -It was you... Yes, it was me all along. I killed Hugh Kane and his mistress. -Yes, it was me all along. I killed Hugh Kane and his mistress. Both of them? -Both of them? Didn't I just say that? Fucking listen. Anyway, I did it all for Carolyn. He never appreciated her, but I worshipped that woman and still she rejected me. So, I came back for you. Just like I did for Carolyn. -Didn't I just say that? Fucking listen. Anyway, I did it all for Carolyn. He never appreciated her, but I worshipped that woman and still she rejected me. So, I came back for you. Just like I did for Carolyn. This can't be happening? -This can't be happening? Now you'll be mine, Cindy. -Noooo!!! Yes!!!! -Would you like me to help you pass them back? I don't need your help. -What the hell are you doing? Just wait, you'll see. -He won't let us go. He's going to kill us. Quick, everyone to the lab. -What are we gonna do? We have to destroy him. -Someone is going to have to lure him onto the platform. I'll go. -Cool, but remember, as soon as he gets on the platform you gotta get out of there. Nobody wants to go. Alright, let's take a vote... -Father! My child, you're alive! -My child, you're alive! Yes, we made it! -Yes, we made it! We? What do you mean... we? -We? What do you mean... we? Me and my friends... You see there was this ghost. He came out of nowhere and.... -Me and my friends... You see there was this ghost. He came out of nowhere and.... My child you are the only survivor. -My child you are the only survivor. No, my friends are right here! -I'm sorry. Father, I don't understand. Tell me what happened? -Father, I don't understand. Tell me what happened? Soon, but first I must bless this house. -So, do you think you made it into the class? I don't know, but I sure hope so. -I don't know, but I sure hope so. You could use the grade, huh? -You could use the grade, huh? Nah, I need a place to stay. So how do you like being in college? -Nah, I need a place to stay. So how do you like being in college? Okay, I guess. It's so intimidating. You know being away from home, not knowing anyone. I feel like such a geek sometimes. Everyone's so cool and I'm so not. -Okay, I guess. It's so intimidating. You know being away from home, not knowing anyone. I feel like such a geek sometimes. Everyone's so cool and I'm so not. Aww, you ain't that bad. You just need a little flava. First thing we gotta do is get you some new gear. -Aww, you ain't that bad. You just need a little flava. First thing we gotta do is get you some new gear. Huh? -Huh? Gear. You know, clothing. -Gear. You know, clothing. Oh. -Oh. Let's start with some rhythm. Sway back and forth like this. -Left, right, left, right, crossover kick... Now you gotta learn the correct slang. -Yo! That jacket is tight. Yeah, now go uhn, uhn, uhn! -Yeah, now go uhn, uhn, uhn! Uhn! Uhn! Uhn! -Uhn! Uhn! Uhn! Yeah, you feel that? Now put it all together. -Am I cool now? Almost... Look, I gotta bounce. I'll holla at you later. -Aww, the little bird died. Yeah, I didn't know what else to do. -Yeah, I didn't know what else to do. Hey, I got an idea. -That was a great idea, Shorty. I told you it would taste just like chicken. -Did you do that? Uh, uh. -Uh, uh. You better go get Dwight and the Professor. -She'd have to be really pretty and I'd have to be very drunk. I'm going to work in Washington, Cindy. -I'm going to work in Washington, Cindy. Are you? -Are you? That's where my best customers are. Marion Berry, George Bush, the Redskins. I'd like to offer you a job, Cindy. Can you type? Take dictation? Swallow balloons filled with cocaine? -Hey, y'all! What's going on? Shorty! You're alive!! But... what about your head? -Shorty! You're alive!! But... what about your head? That turned out to be a good thing! It's gonna make smuggling a whole lot easier. Remember that weed? I'm about to get paid. -Professor, is this the same house that a young girl was possessed by a demon or something? Yes, it was reported, but never substantiated. -Professor, what's the history of this house? I'm glad you asked. It actually makes for a pretty good bedtime story. -Alright, Cindy, what's so important? Professor, you guys gotta see this. Dwight, come here. -Yippie! Wasn't that amazing? It's some kind of energy field. We better record this. -It's some kind of energy field. We better record this. Got my camera right here. -I got it! That's fantastic. Our first phenomenon. This is going to be a great weekend. You guys better get some sleep. Dwight and I will take over from here. -I'm telling you, it was possessed. Theo, did you see the animal? -No, I'm just saying cats are known to be very territorial animals, and it is likely it did attack, but it doesn't mean it was possessed. Maybe the two of you should sleep together. What are you getting at, Professor? -What are you getting at, Professor? Only that if this cat did attack, he's less likely to come back if the two of you were, let's say, together. Come on, it's college. Time for you two to experiment. -Good idea, and don't forget to give her a good-night kiss. There's something going on in this house. I'm not crazy. -Got a problem with that? Yeah, bitch, give me my apple. What's gotten into you? -I take it you're not mad at me. I wouldn't go that far. -I don't like this, this... Why don't you shut up, Professor? Just relax. -I think she's starting to suspect something? Who? -Oh, my God. It happened right here. She came home. She saw them. Saw who?! -Saw who?! Don't touch me!! -I finished all the interviews. Let me see the files. -Let me see the files. They're on top of the bookshelf. I'll get them. -Let me help you. I don't need your help. I'm perfectly capable. -Here you go, Professor. Are these all the subjects? -Yes. The scored all over the Kiersey Temperament Sorter just like you asked for. Any of them hot? -I also took the liberty of putting those with near-death experiences on top. Good thinking, Dwight. Traumatized co-eds are a sure thing. -Good thinking, Dwight. Traumatized co-eds are a sure thing. As I am sure you are aware, Professor, subjects who are close to death are statistically more likely to have the suggestibility required for paranormal investigation, which is, of course, why I've given them special consideration. -As I am sure you are aware, Professor, subjects who are close to death are statistically more likely to have the suggestibility required for paranormal investigation, which is, of course, why I've given them special consideration. Look, whatever you say, kid, but the more they're hurtin', the more they need a squirtin', if you know what I mean. Ooh, I like her. -Look, whatever you say, kid, but the more they're hurtin', the more they need a squirtin', if you know what I mean. Ooh, I like her. Cindy Campbell. Classic abandoned personality disorder. She seems guarded, but willing to do this. -Cindy Campbell. Classic abandoned personality disorder. She seems guarded, but willing to do this. Willing? I like that. And, this one? -Willing? I like that. And, this one? That's Ray Williams. I couldn't quite figure him out, but he seemed very eager and excited when we met. -That's Ray Williams. I couldn't quite figure him out, but he seemed very eager and excited when we met. What's this? -Car accident, gun shot, multiple stabbings, a hook through the back... Where did you find these kids? They are the survivors of the Steveston County massacre. -They are the survivors of the Steveston County massacre. Fantastic. These kids are exactly the kind of catalyst needed to awaken Hell House. -Fantastic. These kids are exactly the kind of catalyst needed to awaken Hell House. How are we going to get them all up there? -How are we going to get them all up there? I'll make it part of the class. We'll tell them they're participating in a study on sleep disorders. -I'll make it part of the class. We'll tell them they're participating in a study on sleep disorders. And what happens when all hell breaks loose? -And what happens when all hell breaks loose? We record and document it. We're gonna make history, Dwight. The first documented, unrefuted evidence of life after death. The book sales alone will be worth millions. I'll be rich, and you my friend, will have one hell of a thesis paper. Now, what time is orientation? -We record and document it. We're gonna make history, Dwight. The first documented, unrefuted evidence of life after death. The book sales alone will be worth millions. I'll be rich, and you my friend, will have one hell of a thesis paper. Now, what time is orientation? In about fifteen minutes. -In about fifteen minutes. Remember, Dwight, not a word to anyone. -I have taken care of everything, including medical supplies and blood storage. We want to be safe. Right. What about condoms? -Right. What about condoms? Professor! -Professor! Hey, you're the one who brought up safety. I'm perfectly willing to go in raw. -Hey, you're the one who brought up safety. I'm perfectly willing to go in raw. Would you please focus? -Would you please focus? Fine. What's all this stuff? -Fine. What's all this stuff? Well, this measures the amount of thermal imbalance within a room down to the tiniest molecular disturbances. -Are those cameras all throughout the house? Yes, I thought that it would be best. -Yes, I thought that it would be best. Even in the bathroom? -So, if one of our little chickadees is taking a shower which one of these buttons do I press to get a close- up? That one. -That one. After dinner, you and I will take shifts throughout the night. I don't want to chance miss anything. -I'm going to change for dinner. I'll see you shortly. Sounds good. I'm just going to run up to my room. Hop in the shower. Jump into my jogging suit, and I'll be right there. -Not to worry. There's been no reported activity in the house for over twenty years. Let's not forget, folks, this is a study on sleep disorders. -Let's not forget, folks, this is a study on sleep disorders. Ah, yes, which reminds me, who here thinks they'd wake up if somebody snuck into their room and started sniffing between their legs? -My God! Is she dead? No, they're just powder burns, thank God. They were empty. Get her upstairs. -Professor, I think you should see this. What is it? Some tits? A beaver shot? What? -What is it? Some tits? A beaver shot? What? No, these are the tapes from the living room. Check this out. -The image there. Are you sure it's not the tape? -Are you sure it's not the tape? I don't think so. It's on all the cameras, and check this out. The thermal readings inside the house dropped ten degrees when the image was recorded. -I don't think so. It's on all the cameras, and check this out. The thermal readings inside the house dropped ten degrees when the image was recorded. Congratulations, Dwight, it's begun. -What the hell?! It's not what is looks like. She's having a breakdown. Help me get her to her room. -Professor, we need to talk. What is it, Dwight? -What is it, Dwight? I think we should consider cutting the experiment short. -I think we should consider cutting the experiment short. What? -What? The force in this house is far greater than I anticipated. In one night I recorded cold spots, shifting magnetic fields, the E.U.P. is picking up white sounds everywhere. -The force in this house is far greater than I anticipated. In one night I recorded cold spots, shifting magnetic fields, the E.U.P. is picking up white sounds everywhere. That's why we came here, remember? -That's why we came here, remember? Yes, but I've seen the tapes. This poltergeist is becoming increasingly more violent. We all could be in danger. I say we pull the plug. -Yes, but I've seen the tapes. This poltergeist is becoming increasingly more violent. We all could be in danger. I say we pull the plug. Whoa, Dwight, I say when we pull the plug. Get a hold of yourself. Dwight, we're on the verge of greatness and I'm about this close to getting laid. Now, the bus will be here on Monday. Until then no one leaves. -I can do it myself. Yeah, I can see that. Later I want you to teach me that trick, but right now we have a job to do. -Yeah, I can see that. Later I want you to teach me that trick, but right now we have a job to do. The keys. She took the keys. -Hello Dwight. Hi. -What are you working on? Just a little experiment. -Work, work, work. Is that all that you do? Well, there's a lot riding on this project. -The Professor might have everyone else fooled, but I know who the real brains of the operation is. You do. -You do. That's what turns me on about you, Dwight. You're so smart. -That's what turns me on about you, Dwight. You're so smart. And sexy. -And sexy. Of course. So sexy. -Ooh, you hair is so soft and silky. What do you use on it? Just a little Rogaine. -You know, Dwight, I hear you're the only one who has the key to the gate. That's right. -That's right. What if I wanted to borrow those keys? -What if I wanted to borrow those keys? Oh, I couldn't do that. -She's right. We should stick together. Alright. Come on, you guys. -Excuse me, sir, but the students have started to arrive. Dinner will be ready shortly. Thanks, handyman. -Thanks, handyman. I'm the caretaker, not the handyman. Nice skates. Be careful. You don't want to fall and break something. -Who's first? Anyone like a wing? Yours, or the turkeys? -Yours, or the turkeys? I supposed you'd like a leg. How about two? -I supposed you'd like a leg. How about two? That's it. I'm gonna put my food in your ass. I should warn you, I'm a black belt in karate. -It's the best seat in the house. I warmed it up for you. Second best. -You never could feel your legs. What do you know about it?!... Listen, the ghost is too powerful. The only chance we have is to use this machine. I need you to go get the others and meet us upstairs. -Alright... I might need your help. My help? -My help? A little bit... Give me your belt. -A little bit... Give me your belt. I'm not even wearing any drawers. Forget about a belt. -I'm not even wearing any drawers. Forget about a belt. Okay, give me my belt. -You're not wearing a belt. Alright, go to the belt store... -You mean to tell me we're dead! I guess so. -Uh... I'm Father McFeely Father, come in, please. -I'm so glad you're here. I came as fast as I could, but at my age the little soldier needs a lot more thumpin before it starts pumpin. If I tickle my ass before... -I came as fast as I could, but at my age the little soldier needs a lot more thumpin before it starts pumpin. If I tickle my ass before... It's okay. I understand. -It's okay. I understand. How is she? -How is she? She's gotten worse, Father. She won't eat, she won't talk. The child won't even let me touch her. -She's gotten worse, Father. She won't eat, she won't talk. The child won't even let me touch her. Yes... Sometimes you have to give them candy. -Father. Not unless you have a paternity test to prove it. -Would you like to see the girl? Soon. First, I must bless this house. -Father, are you okay? Yeah, but you might wanna light a match before you go in there. Did you bring my bag? -Yeah, but you might wanna light a match before you go in there. Did you bring my bag? Yes. -Yes. Then let us prepare. -Remember, don't ask her too many questions. Because she will lie? -Because she will lie? No, because her breath smells like a horse's ass. -Oh shit, you gonna take that? What? -What? What she said about your mother? -No thanks. My holy water. -Father, I think you should rest. No, I'm fine. -Sit down and join us, Cindy. Yeah, I always wanted to watch you eat. -Now you're being rude, Shorty. Washington is full of cornpone country pussy -- just ask Jesse Jackson. -Yo son, check this out. Dog, you look hot. -Sorry, y'all. My bad. Shorty, why don't you say grace? -Shorty, why don't you say grace? Me? Grace? Okay -- Dear God -- -This part removes the sense of humor. I am Tom Green, I am Tom Green. Daddy want some sausage, sausage. Daddy want some sausage... -I woke up naked, too. Hey, dude, you got a tattoo. -Hey, dude, you got a tattoo. What does it say? -What does it say? "It says, ""Ray.""" -"It says, ""Ray.""" Sweet. Hey, you got a tattoo, too. -Sweet. Hey, you got a tattoo, too. Get out?! What does it say? -Get out?! What does it say? """Fucked me.""" -"""Fucked me.""" Aww. Cool. Dude. -"""Ray!""" """Fucked me.""" -"""Fucked me.""" """Ray!""" -"""Ray!""" """Fucked me.""" -Yo' Tommy, what up, man? I'm totally freakin' dude. I keep having these nightmares, then I wake up screaming with these awful back spasms. I can't take it anymore, man. -I'm totally freakin' dude. I keep having these nightmares, then I wake up screaming with these awful back spasms. I can't take it anymore, man. Aww, man. You just need to chill out. Come on, there's this party tonight it's gonna be fun. Lot's of alcohol and honeys. -Aww, man. You just need to chill out. Come on, there's this party tonight it's gonna be fun. Lot's of alcohol and honeys. Alright, but I ain't drinking. and you're gonna have to look after me. -Alright, but I ain't drinking. and you're gonna have to look after me. Don't worry, I got your back. -BLOOD FEAST! "The ""Citizen Kane"" of gore movies." -Hi, Mom. Hi, Mrs. Sutphin. -Oh, boy! Mom, Mr. Stubbins is a nimrod! -Bye, Mrs, Sutphin. Bye, bird-brain. See ya, Scotty. -Did you hear? What happened? -What happened? This is so cool! It's just like a horror movie. -What a bitch! It's the influence of all those family films. Right, Mom? Hey, Mom??... -It's the influence of all those family films. Right, Mom? Hey, Mom??... Mrs. Sutphin? -Mrs. Sutphin? Mother? -Mother? 0h, shit! -0h, shit! You don't think... -You don't think... She wouldn't... -...Jenner... Jenson, Emy Lou Jenson. 3511 Clark Avenue! That's right up the street! Come on! Just in case! -I saw blood! And it's brown! Not red like in horror movies, but brown!! Is MOM... in there? -Is MOM... in there? No! It wasn't like gore movies at all! IT WAS REAL! -Bring her home... I guess. No more violence... No more violence... -I wouldn't give ya a nickel. Carl can't believe how much I make at swap meets. -Here we go again. He's really cute! -Hi! Jeeezzz! -I can't believe Mr. Stubbins is dead. You said you hated him. -You said you hated him. Well... he was an asshole... but he didn't deserve to die! -I'm not kidding. Carl stood me up this morning and then he was murdered at the flea market.... MURDERED?!! -MURDERED?!! Yes murdered! You said you hated your teacher yesterday and he was murdered too. I don't know... maybe Mom's nuts! -Yes murdered! You said you hated your teacher yesterday and he was murdered too. I don't know... maybe Mom's nuts! It's a cool idea, Misty! Let's make a gore movie about Mom! Better yet, a TV series! -How about Mrs. Ackerman? We both hate her! Should she be the next victim? No! Stop it! It's not funny. Mom might do it! Someone else might die. -DAD! YOU DON'T THINK SHE DID IT??! I DO! Mom's gone crazy! -Turn right on Timonioum Road. Hurry, Dad! If Mom's a psycho, Scotty will still be ok, won't he? -Just a little, please. Bad for the teeth. Always the dentist. -"You'd probably date him! He's cu-uuute! Hey, Dad, did you ever see ""Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer?""" I certainly did not. -Well, your mother's going to PTA today. We'll see what your teacher has to say. Aw, Mom! I hate Mr. Stubbins! -I'm Dr. Eugene Sutphin. What's the trouble, officer? Is there a killer loose? -Carl's a jerk! He certainly drives like a jerk. -No comment! """Serial Mom""? WOW!" -Sorry, ma'am. "Do you have the musical, ""Annie""?" -"Do you have the musical, ""Annie""?" "Sure do. Did you bring back ""Ghost Dad""?" -"Sure do. Did you bring back ""Ghost Dad""?" There you go. I love Bill Cosby pictures. -There you go. I love Bill Cosby pictures. Mrs. Jensen, I've told you. You have to rewind the tapes before returning them! -Mrs. Jensen, I've told you. You have to rewind the tapes before returning them! Why? -Why? Because it's the rules! -Because it's the rules! I don't feel like rewinding it! -You see the sign! It's a dollar fine for not rewinding and this time I'm gonna charge you! $2.99 plus one dollar is $3.99! Keep the change, you son of a psycho! -Cute is not enough, Misty. You know that. She sure can pick 'em! -Chip, honey? Thanks, Mom. -Oh God, really! This is the limit! Let me see! -You kids. Now Birdie, I want you to have a cookie and then run along home. But Mom, the video's not over. -But Mom, the video's not over. "No ""but mom"" for you, young man. Mr. Stubbins seems to think these silly movies are interfering with your studies." -Bye, Birdie. Chip, honey... I know it's hard being a teenager but I understand... I'm your mother and I love you. Oh Mom... -Oh Mom... Can we watch that scene again? You know, where he rips out her heart? PLEEEASE? -Ladies and gentlemen, the perfect meatloaf! Looks good, Mom! -I'm happy too and we want you to be happy. I'm so happy I could shit. -I'm so happy I could shit. CHIP! You know how much I hate the brown word! -CHIP!! God, Mom! What's the matter? -God, Mom! What's the matter? Time to get up, that's all. You'll be late for work. -Time to get up, that's all. You'll be late for work. You scared me. -Tell me the truth, Mom! It's ok with me, really! Are you a serial killer? Chip, the only cereal I know about is Rice Krispies. -In here, Mom... But, Chip... -Get in, Mom! I have to open. This is so silly. -Are you Chip Sutphin? Hold on... Yeah I am, but you'll have to speak to my agent... -Hold on... Yeah I am, but you'll have to speak to my agent... Your mom killed my brother! -That's cool... hey look, you're Carl's brother, right? That's right. -That's right. I'm sorry he's dead, but... have you signed off yet? -I'm sorry he's dead, but... have you signed off yet? You mean for TV or print? -You mean for TV or print? TV, man! Farrah Fawcett's interested in playing my mother! -TV, man! Farrah Fawcett's interested in playing my mother! Farrah Fawcett?! Who's gonna play my brother? Is Jason Priestly available? -Detectives, what is this about? I know this sounds weird, Mr. Sutphin, but the Department of Motor Vehicle's computer shows only one blue station wagon registered to a parent of any of Mr. Stubbins' pupils. -I know this sounds weird, Mr. Sutphin, but the Department of Motor Vehicle's computer shows only one blue station wagon registered to a parent of any of Mr. Stubbins' pupils. Surely you don't think Beverly was involved! -What is it, officers? My patient is waiting. Dr. Sutphin is your wife a big reader? -Dr. Sutphin is your wife a big reader? Bird books mostly... -We hope so, son. And no matter what your mother is, we'll love her anyway. Suspect's family is headed east on Calverton.... -He goes to college with me! Leave her alone, Chip. I think it's great she has a new beau, Beverly. -You've been working in that video shop too long. And all that gore better hadn't be interfering with your schoolwork. -Carl makes me happy and that threatens this family, doesn't it? Doesn't threaten me, honey. I'm happy. -I got somebody you could run over, Mother! Misty, that's a terrible thing to say! Detectives, it's time for you to leave. My wife knows nothing about this terrible... accident. -She's gonna kill Scotty! BOTH OF YOU! GET IN THE CAR! -Home Sweet Home! Everything's fine, kids! I can't believe I thought my own mother was a murderess! -Hi, Hank. MISTY SUTPHIN, GET IN THIS CAR!! -"Look at this! ""Hillside Strangler gets his college degree in prison!""" That's nice. -That's nice. Nice?! He should have been executed! -Sorry, son. This is a matter for adults. Officers, I've never said the P-word out loud, much less written it down! -Officers, I've never said the P-word out loud, much less written it down! No woman would! -No woman would! Look officers! Life doesn't have to be ugly. See the little birdie? Listen to his call. Peter Pan! Peter Pan! Peter Pan! -Chip, your ride is here. Hey, I'm late for work. Bye, honey. -Nothing like a home cooked meal, honey. Misty, I made your favorite sesame broccoli... -I can't stop thinking about that poor teacher. Goodnight, honey. Don't read late, we've got a big day with the birds tomorrow. I've identified every little birdie we're going to watch tomorrow on the Eastern Shore. -Goodnight, honey. Don't I get a kiss? -Don't I get a kiss? I just thought with all the sadness... you wouldn't want... -I just thought with all the sadness... you wouldn't want... We have to concentrate on life, Eugene. -We have to concentrate on life, Eugene. It's fine with me, Beverly. You want to, honey? You think the kids are asleep? -It's fine with me, Beverly. You want to, honey? You think the kids are asleep? We can be real quiet... -We can be real quiet... I love that you're my wife. -I love that you're my wife. You're not bad yourself, coo-coo bird... -You're not bad yourself, coo-coo bird... You bring me such peace... -You bring me such peace... Oohhhh, Eugene! -Oohhhh, Eugene! Shhhh.. -Shhhh.. Oooohhhh. -Oooohhhh. Don't wake the kids... -Don't wake the kids... Ooohhhh! -Oooohhh! Yeah! Yeah! You're hot tonight, honey... but be quiet! Shhhh! The kids! -Yeah! Oohhhh! Get it! Ooh, honey, I'm ready! Now! Now! -Ooh, honey, I'm ready! Now! Now! Oohhhhh! Yeah! Yeah! -There's Dede! He's my favorite chickadee! He's here every morning for breakfast. Well, honey, chickadees breed in Alaska, you know. No wonder Dede's hungry. It's a long trip all the way to Baltimore. -I'm sorry, honey. But the birds will still be there next week. It's Ok, Eugene. I understand... I'll go fix breakfast. -Let's say grace and pray that we have the strength to understand the terrible tragedies of the last few days. Amen to that. It's been a crazy day, hasn't it?! -Beverly! Not the Sterners! It's a shame. But they should brush their teeth, honey. -Beverly, I've been reading all about it... is it menopause? Oh, honey! -Det. Bradford, I'm sorry but we don't allow gum chewing in this house. Sorry, ma'am. We're investigating obscene phone calls and mail threats to a certain Mrs. Dottie Hinkle. -Sorry, ma'am. We're investigating obscene phone calls and mail threats to a certain Mrs. Dottie Hinkle. I know Dottie! -Contusions... fractures... rupture of numerous vital organs... What a mess. -Did you drive your car to the PTA meeting yesterday, Mrs. Sutphin? Yes, I did. -"""P"" as in..." ...People who don't mind their own business. -"Well, this magazine was found in your trash just last night... ...It's called ""Chicks with Dicks""." GODDAMN YOU! THAT'S TRESPASSING! -Mrs. Hinkle, did you ever receive obscene telephone calls? I certainly did. -I certainly did. Did you recognize the voice of the caller? -Did you recognize the voice of the caller? Not at first, but then I heard the same inflection in a voice at a social gathering and I put two and two together. -Not at first, but then I heard the same inflection in a voice at a social gathering and I put two and two together. Who's voice was it, Dottie? -Who's voice was it, Dottie? It was her! Beverly Sutphin! Sittin' right there! I'm lucky I'm not DEAD!! -Objection! Argumentative! NO I DON'T, YOU BITCH! -Hello. Is this the Cocksucker residence? -Is this the Cocksucker residence? Goddamn you! STOP CALLING HERE! -Goddamn you! STOP CALLING HERE! Isn't this 4215 Pussy Way? -Isn't this 4215 Pussy Way? You bitch! -You bitch! Let me check the zip - 212 Fuck you? -Let me check the zip - 212 Fuck you? The police are tracing your call right this minute. -The police are tracing your call right this minute. Well, Dottie, how come they're not here then, Fuck-Face? -Well, Dottie, how come they're not here then, Fuck-Face? FUCK YOU! -FUCK YOU TOO, YOU ROTTEN WHORE!! I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? Who is this? -Who is this? Mrs. Wilson from the telephone company. I understand you're having problems with obscene calls. -Mrs. Wilson from the telephone company. I understand you're having problems with obscene calls. Yes, I am... I'm sorry Mrs. Wilson... It's driving me crazy... I've changed my number twice already... Please help me! -What exactly does this sick individual say to you? I can't say it out loud. I don't use bad language. -I know it's hard but we need the exact words. "Alright, I'll try... ""Cocksucker"". That's what she calls me." -"Alright, I'll try... ""Cocksucker"". That's what she calls me." Listen to your dirty mouth, you fucking whore! -Listen to your dirty mouth, you fucking whore! GODDAMN YOU! -MOTHERFUCKER!! COCKSUCKER! -Just a half-a-cup. Hello, Dottie. I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles... It's not fair!! -It's not fair!! Are those pussy-willows? -What did you just say? PUSSY-willows, Dottie! -Dottie! Watch what you're doing! I didn't do it! -And we're going right to the flea market to get another one! Misty tells me there's a whole booth of Franklin Mint stuff. Dottie, you lock up. I'll take care of poor Rosemary! But... but... she... Rosemary, I heard her voice! It's her, I tell you, IT'S HER! -Mrs. Hinkle... do you drink? No, I don't. -No, I don't. So you weren't drunk when you received those alleged obscene phonecalls? -So you weren't drunk when you received those alleged obscene phonecalls? I certainly was not! -I certainly was not! You mean to tell me the day I came over to Mrs. Ackerman's... the day you claim you recognized my voice... you weren't drinking? -You mean to tell me the day I came over to Mrs. Ackerman's... the day you claim you recognized my voice... you weren't drinking? "One beer with lunch is hardly ""drinking""." -So you do drink? Socially... I'll have a beer. -Socially... I'll have a beer. So you admit you just lied? -"Did you see her?! She just said ""Fuck you"" to me!" Let the record show I'm just standing here. -Let the record show I'm just standing here. FUCK YOU TOO, YOU WHORE! -Mrs. Hinkle, are you insane? NO I'M NOT, YOU MOTHER-FUCKER! -State your name, please. Marvin A. Pickles. -Marvin A. Pickles. Were you in the men's room at the Edmonson Drive In Flea Market on Saturday, September 19th? -Were you in the men's room at the Edmonson Drive In Flea Market on Saturday, September 19th? Yes, I was. -Mr. Pickle! Did you see anybody in the booth next to you? I... I'm not sure... ...I... oohhh... Excuse me... -I... I'm not sure... ...I... oohhh... Excuse me... What do you mean, you're not sure?! -Ooohhhhhh! I made it all up! I never saw Beverly Sutphin in my life! You'll pay for this, Marvin A. Pickles! I'm turning your file over to the vice-squad!! The prosecution rests, your honor. -Who wants fruit salad? I do, please. -I do, please. That's not gum in your mouth, is it? -That's not gum in your mouth, is it? It's sugarless. -It's sugarless. You know how I hate gum, Misty. All that chomping and cheesing... -You know how I hate gum, Misty. All that chomping and cheesing... Sorry, Mom. Thanks. Hey, Chip, think I could get 50c for Vanilla Ice. -And who may I ask is Carl? Just a boy. He's picking me up this morning. -He killed people, Mom. We all have bad nights. -Yummy. Carl says if I lose ten pounds, he'll take me to the University of Maryland Fall Mixer. Misty, if you want to lose weight go ahead, but do it for yourself, not for some boy you barely know. -I'm stoodup! I'll kill that bastard! Don't say words unless you mean them, Misty. -It's him! No, honey, it's the police. Hello, officers. -Damn these yellow-jackets! I hate 'em! Always something isn't it? Can I help you? -It's just not your day, is it Rosemary? Watch the booth! I'll be back! -0h, that's horrible, honey. I sold the Pee-Wee Herman doll!! Mother! Did you hear me?! Someone murdered Carl in the mensroom! I saw his dead body! -Mother! Did you hear me?! Someone murdered Carl in the mensroom! I saw his dead body! You got your wish. -You got your wish. But... I didn't wish... I didn't want him DEAD! -Beverly, are you alright? Rosemary, honey. Good morning. I'm fine. Thanks for remembering. -Rosemary, honey. Good morning. I'm fine. Thanks for remembering. It's the least I could do. I heard shouting. -Just the damn cable TV company. You know how they are. Did you hear about Dottie Hinkle? Yes, I did. It's terrifying! The police were at my house this morning. -Yes, I did. It's terrifying! The police were at my house this morning. Who on earth would want to harass poor Dottie Hinkle? -That's like your car, Beverly, I'm not that bad a driver. Look at her hair! Turn it off, honey. -Did you find your Franklin Mint egg, Rosemary darling? I saw one, but it was ridiculously overpriced! -I saw one, but it was ridiculously overpriced! You want me to keep that under the table for you? -You want me to keep that under the table for you? If you wouldn't mind... It was on sale. -Beverly, honey, you've got some... ...do-do on your shoe. Ewwww! Thank you, Rosemary. -Mrs. Ackerman, when you left me at the flea-market, where did you go? ...Browsing. -...Browsing. Did Carl Padgett buy something you wanted? -Did Carl Padgett buy something you wanted? I didn't want that Faberge egg - it was chipped! -I didn't want that Faberge egg - it was chipped! Carl Padgett died for the Franklin Mint, didn't he?! -Carl Padgett died for the Franklin Mint, didn't he?! NO! I could never hurt anyone! -That was your People magazine with the letters cut out, wasn't it? Yes, but I lent it... -Yes, but I lent it... And those were your scissors found sticking out of Mrs. Sterner's stomach, weren't they? -And those were your scissors found sticking out of Mrs. Sterner's stomach, weren't they? Yes... but... I didn't... -Yes... but... I didn't... Mrs. Ackerman, do you recycle? -Mrs. Ackerman, do you recycle? No... I don't have room in my kitchen... -Mrs... Sutphin? Right here! -Mrs. Sutphin, I'm Paul Stubbins, Chip's math teacher. Nice to meet you, Mr. Stubbins. A little something I baked. -Nice to meet you, Mr. Stubbins. A little something I baked. Oooohh! A fruit cake. Thank you, Mrs. Sutphin. Have a seat. -Oooohh! A fruit cake. Thank you, Mrs. Sutphin. Have a seat. Bon Appetit! -Chip is off to a fine start this year. Focused... conscientious... participates actively in classroom discussion. He's a good boy. -He's a good boy. There is one big problem though. -What is it, Mr. Stubbins? His unhealthy obsession with sick horror films. -His unhealthy obsession with sick horror films. He is assistant manager of a video shop... -He is assistant manager of a video shop... That's no excuse for a morbid imagination. I caught him drawing this in class last week. Is there a problem at home? -That's no excuse for a morbid imagination. I caught him drawing this in class last week. Is there a problem at home? Certainly not! -Certainly not! Divorce? An alcoholic relative? Tell me, did Chip torture animals when he was young? -Divorce? An alcoholic relative? Tell me, did Chip torture animals when he was young? No, he did not! We are a loving supportive family, Mr. Stubbins. -No, he did not! We are a loving supportive family, Mr. Stubbins. Well, you're doing something wrong, Mrs. Sutphin. I'd recommend therapy for your son. Thank you for taking the time to come to PTA. -I don't know what it is about today, but I FEEL GREAT! Excuse me, Mrs. Sutphin. -Man, that one made me puke! You forgot something... -You forgot something... Are we leaving? -Are we leaving? Yes you are. -SHE DID IT! Aimed the car right at Mr. Stubbins and mowed him down! From what I understand, the eye- witness is a drug user. -Murder, honey. Now, here's a babe! -What was that? I didn't hear anything. Got any dessert? -I didn't hear anything. Got any dessert? Dr. Sutphin said no sweets for you. -Dr. Sutphin said no sweets for you. What's he know? -What's he know? How to send a bill!! -What is it, Betty? We have mice! I mean it, Ralph! I saw one! -Young man, this Faberge Egg is chipped. Yes, ma'am, it is. -Yes, ma'am, it is. I'll give you fifty cents. -I'll give you fifty cents. That's a Franklin Mint piece. Eight dollars. -That's a Franklin Mint piece. Eight dollars. Eight dollars?! Franklin Mint or not, it's damaged goods! -I'll take this instead. Nice one, huh? Winter's coming. Three dollars?... I guess that's what I marked it... -You know who I am, August? Sure I do. -Sure I do. Then you know that if I give you a little advice, it'll be good advice. -Then you know that if I give you a little advice, it'll be good advice. Yeah —- sure. -Yeah —- sure. That girl was looking for Jacqueline Gibson. I'd forget it if I were you. -That girl was looking for Jacqueline Gibson. I'd forget it if I were you. Okay, Mr. Radeau, it's forgot. -The name may not mean anything to you, young lady, but say the word and I'll have your sister for you in forty-eight hours. You can? -You can? Look, sister', Manhattan is only nine miles long and four and one half miles wide. I ain't never been off it. I know it like you know your own back yard. You get me a small retainer --say fifty bucks, and I'll get your sister for you. I guarantee -Look, sister', Manhattan is only nine miles long and four and one half miles wide. I ain't never been off it. I know it like you know your own back yard. You get me a small retainer --say fifty bucks, and I'll get your sister for you. I guarantee I haven't any money but I'll get a job and -- -I've been waitin' for you Miss Gibson. I want you to know I've decided to take your case. Mr. August, I'm not at all sure - -Mr. August, I'm not at all sure - Look. Don't say a word. I've taken an interest in you and I'm willin' to put up my time to help you. Besides, I think I know where to find your sister. -Look. Don't say a word. I've taken an interest in you and I'm willin' to put up my time to help you. Besides, I think I know where to find your sister. Where? -Where? Wait a minute. This has got a lot of angles. You've got to take it easy. Do you know a Mrs. Redi? -Wait a minute. This has got a lot of angles. You've got to take it easy. Do you know a Mrs. Redi? Yes. She bought my sister's business. -Yes. She bought my sister's business. That's what she told you. I looked it up at the Hall of Records. Your sister deeded her the business as an outright girt. -That's what she told you. I looked it up at the Hall of Records. Your sister deeded her the business as an outright girt. Why would Mrs. Redi lie to me? -Why would Mrs. Redi lie to me? "That's what I tried to find out. I went to La Jeunesse —— -- used a phony health inspector's badge —— they let me go through the works -- all but one room. That room was locked. I'd like to see the inside of that room." -"That's what I tried to find out. I went to La Jeunesse —— -- used a phony health inspector's badge —— they let me go through the works -- all but one room. That room was locked. I'd like to see the inside of that room." You think my sister is there? -You think my sister is there? You can't tell. -You can't tell. Can we go there now? -Can we go there now? Sister, you can't just go breaking into places. There's a night watchman down there and locks on the door. -Sister, you can't just go breaking into places. There's a night watchman down there and locks on the door. If my sister's in that room, it won't make any difference about warrants- and things, I want to go there. -If my sister's in that room, it won't make any difference about warrants- and things, I want to go there. I don't know if I want to go with you or not. -I don't like this. Which room is it? -Which room is it? It's the last door at the end of this hall. -You scared? Yes. -Yes. Let's get out of here. -Let's get out of here. No. -It's only a little way, Mr. August. I'd like to get out of here. -I'd like to get out of here. No. -We can't stand here all night. You could go and open the door. -You could go and open the door. Listen —— -The acceptance of a secret is an obligation and in this case my dear, the obligation carried with it the necessity of dying if one betrayed that secret. You understand that don't you? Yes, I understand. -Yes, I understand. Then, you also understand that you must die. -Then, you also understand that you must die. No. -When I wanted to. It doesn't matter. You want to now. You should want to. It's your obligation, your duty. -May I have some water? I'm thirsty. Drink. -Drink. No. -No. You won't get any water and you won't get any rest. You may as well drink. -Mr. Ward will see you in just a few minutes. Won't you wait, Dr. Judd? Thank you. -Are you Dr. Louis Judd? Yes. -Yes. I read your book. The one in which you wrote about the cure for drinking. -I read your book. The one in which you wrote about the cure for drinking. You're not a dipsomaniac at your age? -You're not a dipsomaniac at your age? No. It's my father -- I wanted to talk to you -- you wrote about cures -- -I've come from Jacqueline. She needs money. I thought you told me you didn't know where she was. -I thought you told me you didn't know where she was. I didn't. She came to me a few days ago. To put it delicately her care imposes a financial burden upon me. She thought you might lighten that burden. -I didn't. She came to me a few days ago. To put it delicately her care imposes a financial burden upon me. She thought you might lighten that burden. If Jacqueline wants money she can come to me herself. -If Jacqueline wants money she can come to me herself. I'm afraid she can't do that, Ward. It would endanger her. -I'm afraid she can't do that, Ward. It would endanger her. What sort of danger? -You're a curious man. You're willing to jeopardize Jacqueline's life in order to satisfy your own curiosity. You come to me with some wild story about her being in danger - naturally I want to know what kind of danger. I want to know where she is. -It's not just for myself I'm asking. Her sister is here. The kid's half crazy with anxiety. As a man, you distrust me —- perhaps you believe me as a physician. -Well, then I can tell you that in addition to other dangers, there is a grave danger of Jacqueline losing her sanity. I would advise against you seeing her. But why? She's been ill --erratic, but I've never heard of anything like that! -How much does she want? She could use a hundred dollars. -She could use a hundred dollars. I'll give you a check. -I'll give you a check. She can only use cash. -I haven't got that much in cash. How much have you got? -How much have you got? About forty-five dollars. -About forty-five dollars. For the time being, I imagine that must do. -Tell me, how is Jacqueline? Oh, as beautiful as ever. -But tell me -- She's nervous, naturally, under the circumstances. -She's nervous, naturally, under the circumstances. What circumstances? -Why, Mary -- Hello, Frances. -Hello, Frances. How's Miss Jacqueline? -How's Miss Jacqueline? I don't know. That's why I came to see Mrs. Redi. I'm trying to find her. -I don't know. That's why I came to see Mrs. Redi. I'm trying to find her. You mean Miss Jacqueline's gone, and you don't know where she is? -I don't get this. Miss Jacqueline was always so fond of you -- she was always talking about you -— had your picture in her office. I know. For the first time I'm beginning to be frightened. I almost feel as if I'd never known my sister. -I know. For the first time I'm beginning to be frightened. I almost feel as if I'd never known my sister. Nothing's happened to her. It's just that I can't understand her not getting in touch with you. -Nothing's happened to her. It's just that I can't understand her not getting in touch with you. I can't understand it at all. -I can't understand it at all. "Well, don't worry. I saw Miss Jacqueline only a week ago. I saw her at a little restaurant the boy friend took me to -- an Italian place down in the Village —- ""The Dante.""" -"Well, don't worry. I saw Miss Jacqueline only a week ago. I saw her at a little restaurant the boy friend took me to -- an Italian place down in the Village —- ""The Dante.""" """The Dante?""" -"""The Dante?""" It's on Peary Street. Just ask the people who run it. They'll remember her. People who see Miss Jacqueline never forget her. -It's on Peary Street. Just ask the people who run it. They'll remember her. People who see Miss Jacqueline never forget her. I'll try there. -I can't see much fun in teaching school. Why don't you go into the beauty business. But I like teaching school. -But I like teaching school. Well, if it's fun for you, it's all right. I get a kick out of my work when the customers aren't too crabby. -Well, if it's fun for you, it's all right. I get a kick out of my work when the customers aren't too crabby. Is Mrs. Redi nice to work for? -Is Mrs. Redi nice to work for? Redi's all right. -Redi's all right. She seems rather an odd woman to me. -She seems rather an odd woman to me. She's a pretty good sort. -She's a pretty good sort. What does she do with herself after business hours? -It always seemed to me she was sort of lonely and unhappy. I guess most people are. -The tip is, anyhow. I like to work on your hair. Thank you. -Do you know what this is, Frances? I ought to know. -I ought to know. What is it? -What did she want? I did her hair. -I did her hair. What were you talking about? -What were you talking about? Nothing. -Nothing. Nothing! That's absurd. I heard you laughing and talking, She was asking questions. -Nothing! That's absurd. I heard you laughing and talking, She was asking questions. She was just asking about you - Whether it was nice to work for you or not. -She was just asking about you - Whether it was nice to work for you or not. And that was all? -And that was all? No. She asked about the trademark. -No. She asked about the trademark. What did she want to know? -What did she want to know? She showed me a drawing. -She showed me a drawing. "You fool! That symbol is us -- us. She was asking about us." -Some of us, Frances, must believe without understanding. Yes. -We're not exactly strangers, Mary. Jacqueline spoke about you often. I suppose she told you about me, No...At the morgue they told me a Mr. Gregory Ward had made inquiries about Jacqueline. -No...At the morgue they told me a Mr. Gregory Ward had made inquiries about Jacqueline. The Morgue? No wonder you fainted. I wish you had come to me first. -The Morgue? No wonder you fainted. I wish you had come to me first. Then you know where Jacqueline is? -Then you know where Jacqueline is? But I'd give a great deal to know. -But I'd give a great deal to know. Why? -Why? I love your sister, Mary. I love her very much. -A man would look anywhere for her, Mary. There is something exciting and unforgettable about her -— something you never get hold of —- something that keeps a man following after her. Because I loved Jacqueline I thought I knew her. Today I found out such strange things ——frightening things. I saw a hangman's noose that she had hanging -— waiting —— I feel as if I'd never known her. -Because I loved Jacqueline I thought I knew her. Today I found out such strange things ——frightening things. I saw a hangman's noose that she had hanging -— waiting —— I feel as if I'd never known her. At least I can explain that, Mary. Your sister had a feeling about life —— that it wasn't worth living unless one could end it. I helped her get that room. -At least I can explain that, Mary. Your sister had a feeling about life —— that it wasn't worth living unless one could end it. I helped her get that room. Weren't you afraid? -Weren't you afraid? Afraid she might commit suicide? People who commit suicide don't talk about it. That room made her happy in some strange way I couldn't understand. She lived in a world of her own fancy. She didn't always tell the truth. In fact -— I'm afraid she didn't know what the truth was. There were many things about Jacqueline I didn't understand, and yet, without understanding, I had to be with her —— to see her —— to touch her —— in order to be happy. It's hard to explain to a youngster. -Afraid she might commit suicide? People who commit suicide don't talk about it. That room made her happy in some strange way I couldn't understand. She lived in a world of her own fancy. She didn't always tell the truth. In fact -— I'm afraid she didn't know what the truth was. There were many things about Jacqueline I didn't understand, and yet, without understanding, I had to be with her —— to see her —— to touch her —— in order to be happy. It's hard to explain to a youngster. I'm not a youngster. I can understand. -Thank you. It was a lovely dinner. Good. -Good. But I reel guilty. It doesn't seem right for me to enjoy myself with Jacqueline gone. -You can't make it your life's work looking for Jacqueline. ) You'll have to do other things... live...get some enjoyment out of life. I hope you'll let me help you. Thank you.. .goodnight. -Thank you.. .goodnight. Goodnight, Mary. -This is about another murder —— a woman at Fifty Second Street But you do believe me? -But you do believe me? The important thing is, the police won't believe you. -The important thing is, the police won't believe you. I saw him on the floor. He was cut -— --here. The blood was running out. He was dead. I'm sure of it. Then on the subway I saw him —— white —— and the men holding him up between them. -Yes, of course —— but the police would say you'd probably had a bad dream. He was a kind little man in his way —— and I made him go down that hall into the darkness. I made him do it. -He was a kind little man in his way —— and I made him go down that hall into the darkness. I made him do it. Drink your milk. -I'm sorry. I didn't intend to treat you like a child. But you have treated me that way. -But you have treated me that way. I won't do it again. We're friends. I'll never order you about again. -However, I won't say that I'll not take charge occasionally, and I'm going to take charge new. I've a job for you. A job? -A job? You told me you were pretty good with youngsters. Today I bumped into an old friend of mine, Mrs. Wheeler She runs a settlement house down in the Village and is looking for a kindergarten teacher. -You told me you were pretty good with youngsters. Today I bumped into an old friend of mine, Mrs. Wheeler She runs a settlement house down in the Village and is looking for a kindergarten teacher. I'd like that. -I'd like that. It's not much money, but it's enough to live on. You'd have to move out of that hotel and into a furnished room. -It's not much money, but it's enough to live on. You'd have to move out of that hotel and into a furnished room. Maybe the Romaris might have a room. They seem nice. -Maybe the Romaris might have a room. They seem nice. The people at the restaurant? -The people at the restaurant? Yes. -What brought you down here, Greg? Oh, I had business with a man... but I missed him -— -Oh, I had business with a man... but I missed him -— Well, I'm glad you came to see me. -What have you done about Irving August? Oh, I'm making investigations. -Oh, I'm making investigations. You've never believed a word I told you about Mr. August. -You've never believed a word I told you about Mr. August. Look, Mary, now that I know you better, I think I can be more frank with you. I don't believe you. I still can't understand the reason for such a wild tale. It's like some of Jacqueline's stories. -Look, Mary, now that I know you better, I think I can be more frank with you. I don't believe you. I still can't understand the reason for such a wild tale. It's like some of Jacqueline's stories. Greg, it isn't a wild tale. It's true. If there were only some way -- -Greg, it isn't a wild tale. It's true. If there were only some way -- There is a very simple way. Got a telephone book? -Please —- I can't explain things like this to your right ear. Last night in this very restaurant Mr. Jason Hoag paid a very pretty compliment to my right ear. -Last night in this very restaurant Mr. Jason Hoag paid a very pretty compliment to my right ear. Who the devil is he? -Who the devil is he? A poet. He's sitting right over there. That's his table —— the one at the feet of Dante. -You could have told me any time you were Jacqueline's husband. Things changed, Mary. The reasons for finding Jacqueline changed. I want to find Jacqueline to settle things. -Things changed, Mary. The reasons for finding Jacqueline changed. I want to find Jacqueline to settle things. What things? Why? -She's got to be found. That's the first step. She's got to be found so that she can give herself up to the police. We've tried so long to find her. -Don't. We know what happened. Don't go on. Any court in the land would understand. We'll wait a few days -- let you rest -- then we'll go to the police. -Any court in the land would understand. We'll wait a few days -- let you rest -- then we'll go to the police. It will all be over in such a little while, Jacqueline, and everything will be all right again. Drink your coffee. -I thought I might close up the apartment -- maybe get a place in Connecticut. You'd love that, Jackie. Remember that last summer with Mother in the Berkshires? You used to help the gardener. -Good night, Jacqueline -- good night, Mary. Good night. -That was Dr. Judd. He was phoning to say that, Jacqueline is on her way here - Gregory —— you'd better take Jacqueline with you tonight. -Gregory —— you'd better take Jacqueline with you tonight. It's what I should have done yesterday. I'll take her away somewhere where she can rest. -No. Stay that way. I want to talk to you. I love you -— you know that? Yes. -Yes. Perhaps, later, when things are settled, when Jacqueline's well again -- maybe we can arrange things differently. -I've never loved any one before, Gregory, and I do love you -— you must know it -- but Jacqueline's my sister —— whom I had lost and have found again.... I know —— I shouldn't have told you— -I know —— I shouldn't have told you— No, I'm glad....at least I've heard you say it... -I'm going to find your sister. I don't think that's a good subject for jokes, Mr. Hoag. -I don't think that's a good subject for jokes, Mr. Hoag. But I'm not joking. -But I'm not joking. Don't be ridiculous. For months I've had the best private detective in New York looking for Miss Gibson. -Don't be ridiculous. For months I've had the best private detective in New York looking for Miss Gibson. But I'm better than a detective. I have an understanding of people - and a love of them -- an understanding of the city - - -But I'm better than a detective. I have an understanding of people - and a love of them -- an understanding of the city - - You don't even know Jacqueline Gibson. -You don't even know Jacqueline Gibson. But I understand her. That may be more important. -But I understand her. That may be more important. It may make very fine poetry, Mr. Hoag, but it doesn't make good sense. -Mary, when you first came here, I told you to look into your heart. You didn't listen to me. You listened to the policeman instead. You didn't find your sister, did you? Look here, just because Mrs. Romari asked you to amuse us. -Well? This is the part of New York I love. It is old. It has memories. If you listen, the houses will speak to you. Walt Whitman...Edna St. Vincent Millay... Eugene O'Neill...in their time they've all lived here. -All very nice but, what are you going to do - listen at every house in New York for Jacqueline's voice? I'm looking for a party -- a merry party. -I'm looking for a party -- a merry party. Well, that's illuminating. -Do you think he knows about this? I don't know. -I don't know. He's clever and he's cautious in his way. If he knew I think he'd advise her to do what I want —- surrender herself to the police —— stand trial —— I don't think he knows. -He's clever and he's cautious in his way. If he knew I think he'd advise her to do what I want —- surrender herself to the police —— stand trial —— I don't think he knows. We could tell him. -Could you find him? I suppose so. I can pick him up somewhere. -What's that? Verse -- verse that I wrote. I need it. -Let her know what? That you love Mary. -She'll have to know some time. Not from me. -Who are you? I'm Mimi -- I'm dying. -I'm Mimi -- I'm dying. No! -No! Yes. It's been quiet, oh ever so quiet. I hardly move, yet it keeps coming all the time -—closer and closer. I rest and rest and yet I am dying. -Yes. It's been quiet, oh ever so quiet. I hardly move, yet it keeps coming all the time -—closer and closer. I rest and rest and yet I am dying. And you don't want to die. I've always wanted to die -- always. -And you don't want to die. I've always wanted to die -- always. I'm afraid. -I'm tired of being afraid -— of waiting. Why wait? -Why wait? I'm not going to wait. I'm going out -- laugh, dance --do all the things I used to do. -I'm not going to wait. I'm going out -- laugh, dance --do all the things I used to do. And then? -And then? I don't know. -I don't know. You will die. -Please, Jacqueline. You know about the Palladists -- you know who they are -- what they are. I was one of them. -Good-bye, darling. I'll only be gone until three. Good-bye. -Good-bye. If you get lonely, go down and see Mrs. Romari. I told her you were staying with me. -If you get lonely, go down and see Mrs. Romari. I told her you were staying with me. I won't get lonely. -You'll be all right? Yes. -Were you going to make a suggestion? Yes. I was going to tell you to look into your own heart -- do you really want to find your sister? -"Well,then I have spoiled your dinner -- ""your food won't digest, and your wine will sour.""" You will have to make all the jokes, because I'm going to be very serious. -At least you knew about Dr. Judd. Yes. -Yes. And you knew he'd be here. -And you knew he'd be here. Yes. And now that I've shown you that I know that much, and can guess more -- will you trust me to look for Jacqueline? -Yes. And now that I've shown you that I know that much, and can guess more -- will you trust me to look for Jacqueline? I want you to look for Jacqueline. -It's terribly sweet of you, Jason. I have something even better. -I have been at the library. But you're always at the library. -But you're always at the library. I went as a detective. I found out that Mrs. Redi reads the same books as Dr. Judd. -I went as a detective. I found out that Mrs. Redi reads the same books as Dr. Judd. I don't think that's so revealing. -I don't think that's so revealing. But who is Judd, a psychiatrist. It's quite natural that he should read books on the history of old religious societies. But why should Mrs. Redi, a woman with a beauty parlor --? -But who is Judd, a psychiatrist. It's quite natural that he should read books on the history of old religious societies. But why should Mrs. Redi, a woman with a beauty parlor --? I don't know. -I don't know. "That's it. And this figure --she traced it. The book I saw at the library had been marked ""perfect"" by the library inspector in March. Mrs. Redi had it out in April. No one else had read it since." -"That's it. And this figure --she traced it. The book I saw at the library had been marked ""perfect"" by the library inspector in March. Mrs. Redi had it out in April. No one else had read it since." I'm at sea, Jason. -I'm at sea, Jason. Such a simple matter. This figure is the symbol of the Palladists. -Such a simple matter. This figure is the symbol of the Palladists. It's all clear to me now -- so clear. -It's all clear to me now -- so clear. I thought it would be, but just to be sure, I'll tell you that the Palladists are a society of Devil worshippers -- -I thought it would be, but just to be sure, I'll tell you that the Palladists are a society of Devil worshippers -- Devil worshippers! -Look. I'm serious. It's a real and vary earnest society -- a dangerous society... I can imagine. -I can imagine. Some time before those nice white gloves are dry you're going to go and find out a few things about Mrs. Redi. -I want you to see my room. I want you to see all of it. But it's a small room, Jason. -But it's a small room, Jason. It's grown big with time -- I've lived here with the Romari's for ten years -- the room's become part of me. I want you to see it —— to know me better. -My window - - through which I see the world. It's beautiful -- that searchlight - the stars -- -It's beautiful -- that searchlight - the stars -- It's not a searchlight —— it's a sword blade cutting the blue cloak of a prince —- not stars -- -It's not a searchlight —— it's a sword blade cutting the blue cloak of a prince —- not stars -- Jason, I'm going back to Highcliffe. I came to say good-by. -I thought your coming up here to the third floor to see me —-that it was your advent into my world. It turns out to be good-by. Why? I have to go —- -I have to go —- But you're happy here -- you like your work —- -"It isn't that -- you said, ""have to go."" What could compel you --" Don't make me tell you, Jason. -Don't make me tell you, Jason. I thought myself your friend, Mary. Just good-bye isn't enough for a friend. -I had begun to write again -—that's whet I was doing when you came in. It's because of Jacqueline —— I can't go on looking for her -- -It's because of Jacqueline —— I can't go on looking for her -- You went to see Mrs. Redi... She told you something -- what was it? -You went to see Mrs. Redi... She told you something -- what was it? Jacqueline is a murderess she killed a man. -Jacqueline is a murderess she killed a man. And you believe that? -And you believe that? I have to. It was Irving August -- everything Mrs. Redi said -— it fits in with what I saw -— she even knew I'd seen his body on the subway. -If it is true — there's all the more reason for you to find Jacqueline. And Gregory -- he loves her. -And Gregory -- he loves her. He loves you, Mary, and you'll have to tell him. -He loves you, Mary, and you'll have to tell him. He's Jacqueline's husband. I can't -I can't find Gregory. I've been trying to find him. What's wrong, Mary? -What's wrong, Mary? Jacqueline. Mr. Romari phoned me. She went out this afternoon with two men he'd never seen before. -Jacqueline. Mr. Romari phoned me. She went out this afternoon with two men he'd never seen before. They may have been friends of hers. -I hate people who try to peddle comfort. But,Mary, you shouldn't mourn for Jacqueline. Life for her was full of the agony of a disordered mind. It's better this way. I keep telling myself that. -"Not I —- I am alive, yet every hope I had is dead, Death can be good. Death can be happy.. If I were really dying I could speak like Cyrano -— ""My courage like a white plume"" — and all the other lovely words with which he greeted death. Then perhaps you might understand," I understand. -I understand. Good. We all understand each other. You, Gregory and I. We all know. There is sunlight in the streets and work to do. Both of you -— you're off to work. -Ah, my Jason -- always laughing -- always trying to help others. He's a good boy, Miss -- he just talks that way. I'm a good boy, but no one listens to what I say. -Jason, my pet —— "Bella Romari If I were not seated, I would embrace you in three movements like a sonata. Ah, my wonderful one. Fly with me tonight. We will take your coffee machine and live with the gypsies." -What are you thinking of, Bella? Can I eat dry? Oh, the wine. I have forgotten the wine. -Why can't everyone be happy like we are -- laugh and have good times. Look at that poor little one — so sad because she can't find her sister. And that man with her -— he doesn't make her laugh —— he just sits and talks. We are happy, Mrs. Romari, because you have everything —— and I am happy because I have nothing to lose. -We are happy, Mrs. Romari, because you have everything —— and I am happy because I have nothing to lose. But you should make her laugh, Jason. Come, make jokes for her. I'll bring your food to their table. -Oh, Mr. Jason. I really shouldn't be doing this, you know. It's against the rules. When did you say you wanted them? I want to see what they read so I'll know what kind of books to give my friends as presents. There's nothing nicer for a gift than a book. -I want to see what they read so I'll know what kind of books to give my friends as presents. There's nothing nicer for a gift than a book. Who was the first one -- Mrs. Redi? -And the other was Judd? Yes, Dr. Louis Judd. -Yes, Dr. Louis Judd. It's here, too. -Would it be asking too much, Miss Gottschalk, for you to get me these books? No, not at all, Mr. Jason. -Why, Mr. Jason. Most of these books are on the closed shelf. You have to get permission. I wouldn't want to take them out. I just want to look at them. -I wouldn't want to take them out. I just want to look at them. Well, since, you're over twenty one—— -Where is Jacqueline Gibson? What a peculiar question. -What a peculiar question. I saw you with her last week. I knew you'd be here tonight. Where is she? -I saw you with her last week. I knew you'd be here tonight. Where is she? My dear fellow, it's neither your business to ask, nor mine to tell. -See that girl? That's Jacqueline's sister. It's because of her I ask. But why come to me? -But why come to me? Because there was another girl— years ago -- a nice girl. She lived on Barrow Street. I saw her with you once -— I saw her with you twice and then I never saw her again. That's why. -Because there was another girl— years ago -- a nice girl. She lived on Barrow Street. I saw her with you once -— I saw her with you twice and then I never saw her again. That's why. She was my patient. -What was she to you? I don't think that you would understand if I told you. -I don't think that you would understand if I told you. I think I understand without your telling me. I know something of your history, Jason. I know that you haven't written for ten years. -I think I understand without your telling me. I know something of your history, Jason. I know that you haven't written for ten years. I've lost my knack. -I've lost my knack. After that wonderful first book —- after all the adulation and the good reviews? -Following me to find Jacqueline? Uh—huh. -Uh—huh. Well, it won't work. Love and understanding won't make a good detective out of a recalcitrant poet. -Well, it won't work. Love and understanding won't make a good detective out of a recalcitrant poet. "Actually I want to ask two favors of you -- one as a poet —— one as a detective." -"Actually I want to ask two favors of you -- one as a poet —— one as a detective." It sounds strange, and I'm going to be very wary. -This is curious, Jason. Half the time you talk as if Shakespeare were not fit to tie your shoe—laces; now this sudden humility. I should like people to read what I've written. -And this poetry —— like the poetry you wrote before extols the passion and beauty of life? It goes beyond that. It praises the goodness of God and the greatness of all His works. -It goes beyond that. It praises the goodness of God and the greatness of all His works. I hope it finds as much favor as your other book -- but somehow I doubt it -- the time is out of tune. -I hope it finds as much favor as your other book -- but somehow I doubt it -- the time is out of tune. Why not let your publisher judge that? -Wait —- there is that other favor. I'd forgotten. -I'd forgotten. Tell me where Jacqueline is -— we've got to find her. -Tell me where Jacqueline is -— we've got to find her. You don't expect me to do that do you? -You don't expect me to do that do you? Yes. When I tell you. -Yes. When I tell you. Tell me what? -Tell me what? You'll have good enough sense to tell us where she is -— when you know she's a murderess. She killed a man. -Tell me, why this sudden desire to publish — to awaken like Byron and find yourself famous. I think it's time. -I think it's time. No other reason —— no woman ——not the little Miss Gibson? -Perhaps. I'll do all I can to help. I'll go to my publisher tomorrow. -I'm afraid this is no time to play Cyrano, my friend. What was in your mind? I wanted to get things clear for Jacqueline. Let her know -- -I suppose, Jason, that you'll speak for your friend -- -- and your poetry will speak for you. Perhaps -I don't suppose you'll ever tell her, will you? She is very young -- I have an old habit of failure. It would be a bad habit to bring to a marriage. -She is very young -- I have an old habit of failure. It would be a bad habit to bring to a marriage. A book of successful verse might have changed that, eh? -A book of successful verse might have changed that, eh? It might have. -If you like, I'll go with you to dinner. I'd like that. -What? They may have found her. Mrs. Cortez -— this morning I told her Jacqueline was no longer under my care. -Dr. Judd? Yes, Miss Gibson. I've come to take you to your sister. -Don't be so amazed. It's a very ordinary matter. I'm Jacqueline's physician... Mr. Ward told me you were in town and Jacqueline has sent me to bring you to her. You know where she is? -You know where she is? If I didn't know where she was, could I take you to her? Get your hat and coat. We haven't much time. -It's my cloven hoof. It trips me up sometimes. Cloven hoof? -Cloven hoof? Yes. You know the devil and all his minions are marked that way. -Yes. You could become a country wife -- fool around with petunias and pullets. It will be fun meeting Gregory every night at the station. -Would they hurt her? I don't know. -I know the others -- Redi, Fallon, Leo, Bruns. But I would never have guessed it of you, Natalie. One believes -— it's like any other religion... -One believes -— it's like any other religion... I'd hardly describe It that way —- The worship of evil is a pretty dreadful and special thing. -I'd hardly describe It that way —- The worship of evil is a pretty dreadful and special thing. It seems right to us. -It seems right to us. I know the theory behind the movement. If one believes in good one believes in evil. If one believes in God, one must believe in the devil. And an intelligent person can make his own choice —— that's it, isn't it? -I know the theory behind the movement. If one believes in good one believes in evil. If one believes in God, one must believe in the devil. And an intelligent person can make his own choice —— that's it, isn't it? Because you are intelligent -- that's why they sent me to you -- -Because you are intelligent -- that's why they sent me to you -- I think I can give you a more practical reason for your kind invitation. I know too much. I was Jacqueline's psycho-analyst. -I think I can give you a more practical reason for your kind invitation. I know too much. I was Jacqueline's psycho-analyst. I always thought it was a more intimate relationship. -Perhaps, Natalie, this is a bargain you're offering me --I am being allowed to join -- to buy safety by betraying Jacqueline -- is that it? I haven't said anything of the sort. -I haven't said anything of the sort. But you would like to know where she is? -But you would like to know where she is? Yes. There are certain punitive measures... -Yes. There are certain punitive measures... I can imagine. But you did say you came to me as my friend --that you were concerned for me. -I'm afraid you have mistaken my motive, Louis. I thought you might understand and sympathize. I have no sympathy for either good or evil. I have only curiosity -- a professional curiosity. What unhappy people most of you are! -I have no sympathy for either good or evil. I have only curiosity -- a professional curiosity. What unhappy people most of you are! "Are we? I thought I was very gay." -"Are we? I thought I was very gay." "A gay lot -— Redi, for instance. I don't know what her sorrow is, but her life's an empty one. She's had to have this to cling to. Frances Fallon, with her worship of Jacqueline, has had to follow like a sheep. And Bruns, the fanatic. And you..." -I was a great dancer... A strange collection. You're like the false god you worship... fallen angels, all of you. -A strange collection. You're like the false god you worship... fallen angels, all of you. Life has betrayed us. We've found there is no heaven on earth, so we must worship evil for evil's own sake. We're not wicked. We commit no violence, unless... -Life has betrayed us. We've found there is no heaven on earth, so we must worship evil for evil's own sake. We're not wicked. We commit no violence, unless... Unless what? -Unless what? No, you draw no secrets from me, as you drew them from Jacqueline. You are not one of us yet. You're clever, Louis, but I recognize your interest in me for what it is worth. You are only curious. You have never loved a woman who had but one arm. -No, you draw no secrets from me, as you drew them from Jacqueline. You are not one of us yet. You're clever, Louis, but I recognize your interest in me for what it is worth. You are only curious. You have never loved a woman who had but one arm. It would be a charming experience. She might only protest half as much. -It would be a charming experience. She might only protest half as much. You're very flippant and perhaps wise, but not wise enough to see the truth, Louis. -Is it about Jacqueline? No. She's no longer under my care. -I don't know how to begin this, Natalie. Perhaps it's best to just plunge in. I want to join you. We always knew you'd come to us, Louis. -We always knew you'd come to us, Louis. But I'm not coming to you out of deep conviction, I'm coming to you out of loss. I no longer can believe in the power and the rightness of things that are called good. -But I'm not coming to you out of deep conviction, I'm coming to you out of loss. I no longer can believe in the power and the rightness of things that are called good. I never thought you did. -I never thought you did. I've talked nonsense. I've scoffed and hooted -- but somewhere very deep down in me, I always felt that good held the balance of power. -I've talked nonsense. I've scoffed and hooted -- but somewhere very deep down in me, I always felt that good held the balance of power. You're even sentimental about it. What made you change your mind? -This is incredible I It must be some sort of a joke. I'm very, very serious. -I'm very, very serious. But you have never liked Jason. You always laughed at him - -quarreled with him -- -But you have never liked Jason. You always laughed at him - -quarreled with him -- And I love and admire him more than any man I ever knew. I read these poems. He's lost his talent and his was a really great gift. What I have to do today -- to bring him this rejected manuscript -—will be the most disheartening thing I have ever done and the most disillusioning. -This is the most amusing thing I have ever heard and with a bit of gossip to season it —— your failure with Jacqueline. Has she returned to her husband? No, she's with her sister, -But you must know someone who has seen or heard of my sister. I'm afraid not. -Mrs. Redi, there's one thing —-with Jacqueline gone, how do you carry on the business? What do you do with the receipts? How do you sign checks--? Mary, I'm amazed. Didn't Jacqueline tell you? She sold the business to me at least eight months ago. It's my business now. -Mary, I'm amazed. Didn't Jacqueline tell you? She sold the business to me at least eight months ago. It's my business now. I didn't know. -I didn't know. Yes —— and I must say I've done very well with it -- perhaps even better than Jacqueline. -There's nothing you can think of -- old letters, anything, that might give me some hint as to where I might find Jacqueline? Leave me your address, and if I find anything, I'll get in touch with you. -Leave me your address, and if I find anything, I'll get in touch with you. I'm stopping at the Chatsworth. -I'm stopping at the Chatsworth. Thank you, my dear. -I'm afraid not. That's too bad. -Yes. This is Mrs. Redi, Mary. -This is Mrs. Redi, Mary. I'll be out in a minute. -I'll be out in a minute. That won't be necessary. I haven't much to say. -If I were you, Mary -- I'd go back to school. I'd make no further attempt to find Jacqueline. Why? -Why? It will make you unhappy to find Jacqueline. It would put her in danger --- great danger -- -I can almost feel your doubt about what I'm saying, Mary. I can't give up looking for her, Mrs. Redi, no matter what you're hinting at. -I can't give up looking for her, Mrs. Redi, no matter what you're hinting at. I have no intention whatsoever of hinting. Your sister, Mary, is a murderess. She killed Irving August -- stabbed him out of fright when he discovered where she was hiding. -I have no intention whatsoever of hinting. Your sister, Mary, is a murderess. She killed Irving August -- stabbed him out of fright when he discovered where she was hiding. I don't believe it. -I don't believe it. I had to help get rid of the body. You saw it on the subway. And I warn you, Mary -- go back -- you don't know what you're doing, or what dreadful things you might bring about by looking for your sister. You go back to school - - go back and forget Jacqueline. -Once you'd seen my sister you'd never forget her. Giacomo -- la bellisslina madonna —- -Yes —— yes, if she made that much impression on you, I'm sure it was Jacqueline. She's not been here for a long time. -She's not been here for a long time. But she was here? -But she was here? Oh yes, yes. One day a beautiful car comes here. This beautiful lady in furs gets out. There is a handsome man with her, and the chauffeur The lady rents one of our upstairs rooms. The chauffeur changes the lock on the door. Then the lady never comes back --not to live, anyhow. She came back three, four times, but always alone and just to eat. -You mean she just came here, rented the room, locked it, and left? Yes -- and pays the rent every month. -Yes -- and pays the rent every month. Could you let me see that room? If it is hers, there might be something there to help me find my sister. -Your sister - - have you heard from her lately? No, Mrs. Lowood, she doesn't write often. -No, Mrs. Lowood, she doesn't write often. Have you any other relatives, Mary? -That makes it all the more difficult —— Difficult? Has anything happened to Jacqueline? -Difficult? Has anything happened to Jacqueline? We don't know, Mary. We've been unable to get in touch with your sister. -We don't know, Mary. We've been unable to get in touch with your sister. Sometimes she can be quite careless. Why don't you try Mrs. Redi? -Sometimes she can be quite careless. Why don't you try Mrs. Redi? I have written repeatedly to Mrs. Redi. She vouchsafes no information whatsoever. It is six months since your tuition has been paid, Mary. Naturally, it is impossible for you to stay on here as a paying pupil. -I have written repeatedly to Mrs. Redi. She vouchsafes no information whatsoever. It is six months since your tuition has been paid, Mary. Naturally, it is impossible for you to stay on here as a paying pupil. Of course. -But, Mrs. Lowood, I can't just stay here not knowing what's happened to my sister. Maybe if I went to New York -- if I saw Mrs. Redi myself -- I doubt if you'll get anything out of that woman. But if you'd like to try, I'll advance you the money to make the trip to New York. Of course, my dear, if you don't find your sister, you can always come back here. -I'm worry to bother you. I want to ask you about my sister. Yes? -Yes? I thought you might know her. She was seen here about a week ago. Her name is Jacqueline Gibson. -I thought you might know her. She was seen here about a week ago. Her name is Jacqueline Gibson. I don't know no Gibson. This is a restaurant. Many people come here. -I don't know no Gibson. This is a restaurant. Many people come here. She's very beautiful. -No -- the rent in paid. The lady asked us to promise, I wouldn't open the door. Please. -Fo come ti pare. To desiderare sempre di vedere che cosa c'era in quella stanza. What did he say? -Miss Gibson, I'm tired of resting. Sh-h-h Nancy. The other children. -Is it fifteen minutes yet? "No, Nancy. You've got to sleep two more minutes." -Children, I want you to be very good and very quiet while I see Mrs. Wheeler a moment. She's going to take over this class for a while. Why -Why Because I have something very important to do. -Because I have something very important to do. What? -What? I'll be right back with Mrs. Wheeler. -I'll be right back with Mrs. Wheeler. When? -I went back through the history last night. I read about Johann Rozenquartz -- I read what he wrote -- "I can quote it fully, Mrs. Redi. ""We will avoid violence. For once undertaken, violence becomes its own master and can lead to either good or evil.""" -"I can quote it fully, Mrs. Redi. ""We will avoid violence. For once undertaken, violence becomes its own master and can lead to either good or evil.""" But he also wrote -- -But he also wrote -- "I can quote that too; ""Those who shall go out into the market place and let their tongues speak of us, and give knowledge of our being and our deeds, whom-so-ever doeth this shall die.""" -But she told him, Frances. She told him about us. I know this is difficult for you. I know that you love her. -It is a very real danger and one which forces our decision. What about Judd -- he knows about us. -I have taken care of Mary. I've spoken to her. She's going back to school. Then it is decided. Leo and Durk and I will make our plans. -I'm sorry to be late, Natalie. We haven't even begun tea yet. -Sorry. I'm nervous. This is very trying for me. I know. You introduced Jacqueline to us -- but how could you tell —- -I know. You introduced Jacqueline to us -- but how could you tell —- I should have known. She had no sincerity —- no real belief. -Jacqueline, you have spoken so often of ending it all, I can't understand why this should be so difficult for you. You have only to drink a little. Yes, Jacqueline. You were always talking suicide - - of ending your life when you wanted to. -You have only to stretch out your hand, take up the glass and drink a little. It won't hurt. -Ann? Yes? -Yes? Graham Dalton. -That was quick. False alarm. -False alarm. Oh. Well, please sit down. -We... don't usually let people smoke in the house. We have a patio if you -- Oh, no problem. It can wait. -Do you have other things? Yes. Oh, you mean to bring in! No. Yes, I have some other things, no, I don't need to bring them in. This is all I need to stay here. -Yes. Oh, you mean to bring in! No. Yes, I have some other things, no, I don't need to bring them in. This is all I need to stay here. Oh. -Have you ever been on television? Television? -Television? Yes. -Yes. No. Why? -No. Why? Curious. -Graham is an unusual name. Yeah, I guess it is. My mother is a complete Anglophile, anything British makes her drool like a baby. She probably heard the name in some movie. She's a prisoner of public television now. -Yeah, I guess it is. My mother is a complete Anglophile, anything British makes her drool like a baby. She probably heard the name in some movie. She's a prisoner of public television now. Oh, uh-huh. -Oh, uh-huh. Are you uncomfortable with my appearance? -Are you uncomfortable with my appearance? No, I think you look... fine. -No, I think you look... fine. Oh. Well, maybe I'm uncomfortable with my appearance. I feel a little out of place in these surroundings. -Oh. Well, maybe I'm uncomfortable with my appearance. I feel a little out of place in these surroundings. Well... -Well... I used to take great pleasure in that, being purposefully different, rubbing people's noses in it. Didn't you do that when you were younger? -I used to take great pleasure in that, being purposefully different, rubbing people's noses in it. Didn't you do that when you were younger? No, not really. -No, not really. Oh. Well, I did. I was in a band once, and the music was always secondary to just flat out offending as many people as possible. -Oh. Well, I did. I was in a band once, and the music was always secondary to just flat out offending as many people as possible. You play an instrument? -You play an instrument? No, I was in charge of kind of standing at the microphone and reciting these really depressing lyrics in a monotone. The whole thing was really... irrelevant. How do you like being married? -No, I was in charge of kind of standing at the microphone and reciting these really depressing lyrics in a monotone. The whole thing was really... irrelevant. How do you like being married? Oh, I like it. I like it very much. -Oh, I like it. I like it very much. What about it do you like? I'm not being critical, I'd really like to know. -What about it do you like? I'm not being critical, I'd really like to know. Well... well, the cliché about the security of it, that's really true. We own a house, and I really like that, you know? And I like that John was just made junior partner, so he has a steady job and he's not some... -...free-lance. You know. Yes. So you feel security, stability. Like things are going to last awhile. -Yes. So you feel security, stability. Like things are going to last awhile. Oh, definitely. I mean, just this past year has gone by like phew! I hardly even knew it passed. -Oh, definitely. I mean, just this past year has gone by like phew! I hardly even knew it passed. Did you know that if you shut someone up in a room, and the only clock he has reference to runs two hours slow for every twenty-four, that his body will eventually adjust to that schedule? Simply because the mind honestly perceives that twenty-six hours are twenty-four, the body follows. And then there are sections of time. Your life can be broken down into the sections of time that formed your personality . For instance, when I was twelve, I had an eleven minute conversation with my father that to this day defines our relationship. Now, I'm not saying that everything happened in that specific section of time, but the events of my childhood involving my father led up to, and then were crystallized in, that eleven minutes. -Oh, uh-huh. Anyway, I think the mind is very flexible as far as time is concerned. -Anyway, I think the mind is very flexible as far as time is concerned. "You mean like ""time flies""?" -"You mean like ""time flies""?" Exactly. I would say the fact that you feel the first year of your marriage has gone by quickly means lots of things. Or could mean lots of things. -Exactly. I would say the fact that you feel the first year of your marriage has gone by quickly means lots of things. Or could mean lots of things. How long has it been since you've seen John? -How long has it been since you've seen John? Nine years. -Nine years. Nine years? -Nine years? Yes. I was surprised that he accepted when I asked if I could stay here until I found a place. -Yes. I was surprised that he accepted when I asked if I could stay here until I found a place. Why? Didn't you know him well? -Why? Didn't you know him well? I knew him very well. We were extremely close until I dropped out. -Why'd you drop out? Oh, lots of reasons, most of them boring. But, up until I dropped out, John and I were... very much alike. -Oh, lots of reasons, most of them boring. But, up until I dropped out, John and I were... very much alike. That's hard to believe. The two of you seem so different. -That's hard to believe. The two of you seem so different. I would imagine that we are, now. I think I'm ready to use the bathroom, finally. -This food is excellent. Thank you. -Mother, father, sister. Sister older or younger? -Sister older or younger? Younger. -I don't know. Who's Elizabeth? -Do I pay taxes? Of course I pay taxes, only a liar doesn't pay taxes, I'm not a liar. A liar is the second lowest form of human being. What's the first? -What's the first? Lawyers. -Would you mind? No. -No. Okay, I will!! -Maybe you'll understand this, because you know John, but he confuses me sometimes. How do you mean? -Yeah, I know. I mean, I'm not saying I know people think you're a bitch, I'm saying I know what you mean. And I don't even know that people think you're a bitch. Do they? I feel like they do. -I feel like they do. Hmm. Well, maybe you are. Really, I wouldn't pay much attention. -I know that I just don't feel a connection with very many people, so I don't waste time with people I don't feel one with. Right, right. I don't feel connected to many people, either. Other than John. -Can I tell you something personal? I feel like I can. It's something I couldn't tell John. Or wouldn't, anyway. It's up to you. But I warn you, if you tell me something personal, I might do the same. -It's up to you. But I warn you, if you tell me something personal, I might do the same. Okay. I think... I think sex is overrated. I think people place way too much importance on it. And I think that stuff about women wanting it just as bad is crap. I m not saying women don't want it, I just don't think they want it for the reason men think they do. I'm getting confused. -Do you understand what I'm trying to say? I think so. I remember reading somewhere that men learn to love what they're attracted to, whereas women become more and more attracted to the person they love. -I think so. I remember reading somewhere that men learn to love what they're attracted to, whereas women become more and more attracted to the person they love. Yes! Yes! I think that's very true. Very. -So what about kids? Kids? What about them? -Kids? What about them? Do you want them? -Do you want them? Yeah, actually, I do. But John doesn't. At least not right now. -Yeah, actually, I do. But John doesn't. At least not right now. Why is that? -Why is that? I don't know, he just said he wants to wait. I quit asking. -So what's your personal thing? Are you really going to tell me something personal? Do you want me to? -Do you want me to? As long as it's not... gross, you know? Like some scar or something. It has to be like mine, like something about you. -As long as it's not... gross, you know? Like some scar or something. It has to be like mine, like something about you. Agreed. -You're what? Impotent. -Impotent. You are? -You are? Well, let me put it this way: I cannot achieve an erection while in the presence of another person. So, for all practical purposes, I am impotent. -Does it bother you? Not usually. I mean, honestly, I haven't known many guys that could think straight with an erection, so I feel I'm way ahead of the game as far as being clear-headed goes. -Not usually. I mean, honestly, I haven't known many guys that could think straight with an erection, so I feel I'm way ahead of the game as far as being clear-headed goes. Well... are you self-conscious about it? -Well... are you self-conscious about it? I am self-conscious, but not in the same way that you are. You have got to be the most attractive self- conscious person I've ever seen. -I am self-conscious, but not in the same way that you are. You have got to be the most attractive self- conscious person I've ever seen. Why do you say I'm self-conscious? -Why do you say I'm self-conscious? Well, I've been watching you. I've watched you eat, I've watched you speak, I've watched the way you move, and I see somebody who is extremely conscious of being looked at. I think you really believe that people are looking at you all the time. And you know what? -Well, I've been watching you. I've watched you eat, I've watched you speak, I've watched the way you move, and I see somebody who is extremely conscious of being looked at. I think you really believe that people are looking at you all the time. And you know what? What? -What? They are looking at you. Ann, you are truly breathtaking. I don't know if you understand how your appearance can affect people. Men want to possess you, women wish they looked like you. And those that don't or can't resent you. And the fact that you're a nice person just makes it worse. -They are looking at you. Ann, you are truly breathtaking. I don't know if you understand how your appearance can affect people. Men want to possess you, women wish they looked like you. And those that don't or can't resent you. And the fact that you're a nice person just makes it worse. My therapist said that -- -My therapist said that -- You're in therapy? -You're in therapy? Aren't you? -Aren't you? Hah! No, I'm not. Actually, I used to be, but the therapist I had was really ineffectual in helping me deal with my problems. Of course, I lied to him constantly, so I guess I can't hold him totally responsible... -Hah! No, I'm not. Actually, I used to be, but the therapist I had was really ineffectual in helping me deal with my problems. Of course, I lied to him constantly, so I guess I can't hold him totally responsible... So you don't believe in therapy? -So you don't believe in therapy? I believe in it for some people. I mean, for me it was silly, I was confused going in. So I just formed my own personal theory that you should never take advice from someone of the opposite sex that doesn't know you intimately. -I believe in it for some people. I mean, for me it was silly, I was confused going in. So I just formed my own personal theory that you should never take advice from someone of the opposite sex that doesn't know you intimately. Well, my therapist knows me intimately. -Well, my therapist knows me intimately. You had sex with you therapist? -You had sex with you therapist? Of course not. -Of course not. Oh, see, I meant someone you've had sex with. That's part of the theory. -Oh, see, I meant someone you've had sex with. That's part of the theory. Excuse me for asking, but how would you know? -Excuse me for asking, but how would you know? Well, I wasn't always impotent. -Now, you said never take advice from someone that you don't know intimately, right? Basically, yes. -So since I've never had sex with you, by your own advice I shouldn't accept your advice. That's correct. Bit of a dilemma, isn't it? -Hi! Ann. Hello. -Ann. Hello. Are you in the middle of something? -Are you in the middle of something? Nothing I can't finish later. -Nothing I can't finish later. I just wanted to see how the place looked furnished. -I just wanted to see how the place looked furnished. Not much to see, I'm afraid. I'm sort of cultivating a minimalist vibe. -Not much to see, I'm afraid. I'm sort of cultivating a minimalist vibe. Somehow I imagined books. I thought you would have like a whole lot of books and be reading all the time. -What are these? Videotapes. -Videotapes. I can see that. What are they? -It's a personal project I'm working on. What kind of personal project? -What kind of personal project? Oh, just a personal project like anyone else's personal project. Mine's just a little more personal. -Oh, just a personal project like anyone else's personal project. Mine's just a little more personal. Who's Donna? -Who's Donna? Donna? -Donna? "Donna. On this tape it says ""Donna""." -"Donna. On this tape it says ""Donna""." Donna was a girl I knew in Florida. -Donna was a girl I knew in Florida. You went out with her? -You went out with her? Not really. -Because I enjoy interviewing women more than men. All of these are interviews? -All of these are interviews? Yes. -Yes. Can we look at one? -Can we look at one? No. -No. Why not? -Why not? Because I promised each subject that no one would look at the tape except me. -What... what are these interviews about? The... interviews are about sex, Ann. -The... interviews are about sex, Ann. About sex? -About sex? Yes. -Yes. What about sex? -What about sex? Everything about sex. -Everything about sex. Like what? -Like what? Like what they've done, what they do, what they don't do, what they want to do but are afraid to ask for, what they won't do even if asked. Anything I can think of. -Like what they've done, what they do, what they don't do, what they want to do but are afraid to ask for, what they won't do even if asked. Anything I can think of. You just ask them questions? -You just ask them questions? Yes. -Yes. And they just answer them? -And they just answer them? Mostly. Sometimes they do things. -Mostly. Sometimes they do things. To you? -To you? No, not to me, for me, for the camera. -No, not to me, for me, for the camera. I don't... why... why do you do this? -I don't... why... why do you do this? I'm sorry this came up. -I'm sorry this came up. This is just... so... -This is just... so... Maybe you want to go. -Maybe you want to go. Yes, I do. -I'm not sure why I came here. I had kind of decided not to talk to you after... you know. I know. -"John and Cynthia have been... ""fucking""." I know. -I know. You know? -You know? Yes. -Yes. How did you know? -How did you know? She said it on her tape. -She said it on her tape. Why didn't you tell me? -Why didn't you tell me? Ann, when would I have told you? We were not speaking, if you recall. -But even if we had been speaking, I wouldn't have told you. Why not? -Why not? It's not my place to tell you these things, Ann. You have to find out by yourself or from John directly. You have to trust me on this. -Do you think that's such a good idea? Don't you want to make one? -Don't you want to make one? Yes. But I sense the element of revenge here. -Yes. But I sense the element of revenge here. What difference does it make why I do it? -What difference does it make why I do it? I want you to be aware of what you're doing and why, because I know that this is not the sort of thing you would do in a normal frame of mind. -I want you to be aware of what you're doing and why, because I know that this is not the sort of thing you would do in a normal frame of mind. What would you know about a normal frame of mind? -What would you know about a normal frame of mind? That's a good question. -That's a good question. What do you have to do to get ready? -What do you have to do to get ready? Load a new tape, turn the camera on. -Load a new tape, turn the camera on. Then do it. -How do you pay for all this? I mean, rent, and tapes and this equipment. I have money. -I have money. What will you do when the money runs out? -What will you do when the money runs out? It won't. Are you ready? -It won't. Are you ready? Yes. -Tell me your name. Ann Bishop Millaney. -Tell me your name. Ann Bishop Millaney. -Ann Bishop Millaney. You are married, correct? -Do you talk to him? When we're making love? -When we're making love? Yes. -Yes. Sometimes. Afterward. -Sometimes. Afterward. Does he go down on you? -You don't know what I'm thinking. It's a simple question. Have you ever thought of having -- making love with someone other than your husband? -Is he going to see this? Absolutely not. -Did you have sex before you were married? Yes. -Yes. Did the person you made love with satisfy you more than your husband? -I don't see what difference it makes, I mean, I can think what I want. I don't know if I want to do this anymore, I'm afraid... I don't mind answering the questions so much, but if somebody were to see this... At some level, I don't understand your nervousness. Have you decided to leave John? -Yes, I have. I will. Then as far as this taping goes, you have nothing to worry about. -Then as far as this taping goes, you have nothing to worry about. I guess not. -I guess not. Do you want me to stop? -No. Are there people other than your previous lover that you have fantasized about? -Yes. Whenever... all right, look. Whenever I see a man that I think is attractive, I wonder what it would be like with him, I mean, I'm just curious, I don't act on it, but I hate that I think that!! I wish I could just forget about that stuff!! Why? -Why? Because that's how Cynthia thinks!! All she does is think about that stuff, and I hate that, I don't want to be like her, I don't want to be like her!! -Because that's how Cynthia thinks!! All she does is think about that stuff, and I hate that, I don't want to be like her, I don't want to be like her!! You're not like your sister. You couldn't be like her if you wanted to. -You're not like your sister. You couldn't be like her if you wanted to. I know. Deep down, I know that. It just bothers me, when I have feelings or impulses that she has. -So you do fantasize? Yes. -Yes. About who? -About who? I fantasized about you. -I fantasized about you. About me? -About me? Yes. -Have you fantasized about me? I thought I made that clear before, when I said I would go down on you. -I thought I made that clear before, when I said I would go down on you. I remember. You could do that, couldn't you? Go down on me? -I remember. You could do that, couldn't you? Go down on me? Yes. -Yes. If I asked you to, would you? Not on tape, I mean? -If I asked you to, would you? Not on tape, I mean? No. -No. On tape? -On tape? No. -No. Why not? -Why not? If I can't do it all, I don't want to do anything. And I can't do it all. -If I can't do it all, I don't want to do anything. And I can't do it all. Can't or won't? -Can't. You said you weren't always impotent. -You said you weren't always impotent. That's correct. -That's correct. So you have had sex. -So you have had sex. Yes. -Yes. Who was the last person you had sex with? -Who was the last person you had sex with? Her name was Elizabeth. -Her name was Elizabeth. So what happened? Was it so bad that it turned you off? -So what happened? Was it so bad that it turned you off? No, it was wonderful. That wasn't the problem. -No, it was wonderful. That wasn't the problem. What was the problem? -What was the problem? "The problem was me. I was... I was a pathological liar. Or am, I should say. Lying is like alcoholism, one is always ""recovering""." -"The problem was me. I was... I was a pathological liar. Or am, I should say. Lying is like alcoholism, one is always ""recovering""." So you lied to her? -So you lied to her? Yes. I did. Willfully and repeatedly. -Yes. I did. Willfully and repeatedly. How come? -How come? I loved her for how good she made me feel, and I hated her for how good she made me feel. And at that time, I tended to express my feelings non- verbally. I couldn't handle anyone having that much control over my emotions. -I loved her for how good she made me feel, and I hated her for how good she made me feel. And at that time, I tended to express my feelings non- verbally. I couldn't handle anyone having that much control over my emotions. And now you can? -And now you can? Now I make sure that no one has the opportunity to test me. -Now I make sure that no one has the opportunity to test me. Don't you get lonely? -Don't you get lonely? How could I, with all these nice people stopping by? The fact is that I've lived by myself for so long, I can't imagine living with another person. It's amazing what you can get used to if enough time goes by. And anyway, I'm asking the questions. Are you happy? -How could I, with all these nice people stopping by? The fact is that I've lived by myself for so long, I can't imagine living with another person. It's amazing what you can get used to if enough time goes by. And anyway, I'm asking the questions. Are you happy? I don't know anymore. I thought I was, but obviously I was wrong. -I don't know anymore. I thought I was, but obviously I was wrong. Did you confront John with the fact that you knew about him? -Did you confront John with the fact that you knew about him? Not yet. I'm not sure I will. I just want out. -Not yet. I'm not sure I will. I just want out. If you do get out of your marriage, will you continue to be inhibited? -If you do get out of your marriage, will you continue to be inhibited? I don't know. It all gets back to that Cynthia thing. I don't like her... eagerness. There's nothing left to imagine, there's no... -I don't know. It all gets back to that Cynthia thing. I don't like her... eagerness. There's nothing left to imagine, there's no... Subtlety? -Subtlety? Subtlety, yes. No subtlety. Plus, I've never really felt able to open up with anyone. I mean, that other person I told you about, I enjoyed making love with him a lot, but I still wasn't able to really let go. I always feel like I'm being watched and I shouldn't embarrass myself. -Subtlety, yes. No subtlety. Plus, I've never really felt able to open up with anyone. I mean, that other person I told you about, I enjoyed making love with him a lot, but I still wasn't able to really let go. I always feel like I'm being watched and I shouldn't embarrass myself. And you feel the same way with John? -And you feel the same way with John? Kind of. I mean, John's like this kind of... craftsman. Like he's a carpenter, and he makes really good tables. But that's all he can make, and I don't need anymore tables. -Kind of. I mean, John's like this kind of... craftsman. Like he's a carpenter, and he makes really good tables. But that's all he can make, and I don't need anymore tables. Interesting analogy. -Interesting analogy. I'm babbling. -I'm babbling. No, you're not. -No, you're not. God, I m so mad at him!! -God, I m so mad at him!! You should be. He lied to you. So did Cynthia. -You should be. He lied to you. So did Cynthia. Yeah, I know, but somehow I expect that from her, I mean, she'll do it with almost anybody, I don't know, I shouldn't stick up for her I guess, but him. He lied so... deeply!! Ooo, I want to watch him die!! -You're really never going to make love again? I'm not planning on it. -If you were in love with me, would you? I'm not in love with you. -I'm not in love with you. But if you were? -But if you were? I... I can't answer that precisely. -I... I can't answer that precisely. But I feel like maybe I could be really comfortable with you. -But I feel like maybe I could be really comfortable with you. That's very flattering. -That's very flattering. So why won't you make love with me? Why wouldn't you, I mean? -So why won't you make love with me? Why wouldn't you, I mean? Ann. Are you asking me hypothetically, or are you asking me for real, right now? -Ann. Are you asking me hypothetically, or are you asking me for real, right now? I'm asking for real. I want you to turn that camera off and make love with me. Will you? -I can't. Why not? -Why not? I've told you. -I've told you. But I don't understand -- -But I don't understand -- Ann, it could happen to me all over again, don't you see? I could start to -- -Ann, it could happen to me all over again, don't you see? I could start to -- But how do you know for sure, you have to try to find a way to fig -- -But how do you know for sure, you have to try to find a way to fig -- I couldn't face her if I had slept with somebody else. -Who? Elizabeth? Yes. -Yes. You mean you're still in contact with her? -You mean you're still in contact with her? No. -No. But you're planning to be? -But you're planning to be? I don't know. Possibly. -I don't know. Possibly. Wait a minute, wait a minute. What's going on here? Did you come back here just to see her again? -Wait a minute, wait a minute. What's going on here? Did you come back here just to see her again? Not entirely. -Not entirely. But that was part of it? -But that was part of it? Yes. -Yes. Like maybe a big part? -Like maybe a big part? Possibly. -Possibly. Graham, I mean, what do you think her reaction is going to be if you contact her? -Graham, I mean, what do you think her reaction is going to be if you contact her? I don't know. -I don't know. Look at you, look at what's happened to you, look how you've changed! Don't you think she will have changed? -Look at you, look at what's happened to you, look how you've changed! Don't you think she will have changed? I don't know. I really would rather not talk about it. -I don't know. I really would rather not talk about it. Whoa!! I'm so glad we got that on tape!! You won't answer a question about Elizabeth, but I have to answer all these intimate questions about my sex life!! Graham, what do you think she's going to make of all these videotapes? Are you going to tell her about them? I can't imagine her being too understanding about that. But since you don't lie anymore, you'll have to say something. -Whoa!! I'm so glad we got that on tape!! You won't answer a question about Elizabeth, but I have to answer all these intimate questions about my sex life!! Graham, what do you think she's going to make of all these videotapes? Are you going to tell her about them? I can't imagine her being too understanding about that. But since you don't lie anymore, you'll have to say something. As I said, I haven't decided what to do, exactly. Perhaps I won't do anything. -As I said, I haven't decided what to do, exactly. Perhaps I won't do anything. Oh, you just moved here to think about it, right? -All right, you want to talk about lies, let's talk about lies, Ann. Let's talk about lying to yourself. You haven't been able to sleep with your husband because you're no longer in love with him, and maybe you never were. You haven't been honest with yourself in longer than you can remember. Yeah, you're right. But I never claimed to know everything like you, and have all these little theories. I'm still learning, I know that. But I don't feel like I've wasted time. If I had to go through my marriage to get to where I am right now, fine. -Don't do that. Why not? -Why not? Because. -Because. """Because""? That's not good enough. I asked you a question, Graham. I asked you ""how does it feel""? How does it feel, Mr. I Want To Go Down On You But I Can't? Do you know how many people you've sucked into your weird little world? Including me? Come on, how does it feel?" -"""Because""? That's not good enough. I asked you a question, Graham. I asked you ""how does it feel""? How does it feel, Mr. I Want To Go Down On You But I Can't? Do you know how many people you've sucked into your weird little world? Including me? Come on, how does it feel?" I can't tell you like this. -I can't tell you like this. I'm just going to keep asking until you answer. I'm sure there's plenty of tape. -I'm just going to keep asking until you answer. I'm sure there's plenty of tape. "I don't find this ""turning the tables"" thing very interesting --" -"I don't find this ""turning the tables"" thing very interesting --" I don't care. -Come on!! All right!! All right!! You want to know? You want to know how I feel? I feel ashamed. Is that what you wanted to hear? -Why are you ashamed? Jesus Christ, Ann. Why is anybody anything? I think you have this idea that people are either all good or all bad, and you don't allow for any gray areas, and that's what most of us consist of. -Jesus Christ, Ann. Why is anybody anything? I think you have this idea that people are either all good or all bad, and you don't allow for any gray areas, and that's what most of us consist of. You're not answering me. -You're not answering me. Well, what kind of answer are you looking for, Ann? What is it exactly that you want to know? -Well, what kind of answer are you looking for, Ann? What is it exactly that you want to know? I want to know why you are the way you are! -I want to know why you are the way you are! "And I'm telling you it's not any one thing that I can point to and say ""That's why!"" It doesn't work that way with people who have problems, Ann, it's not that neat, it's not that tidy! It's not a series of little boxes that you can line up and count. Things just don't happen that way." -"And I'm telling you it's not any one thing that I can point to and say ""That's why!"" It doesn't work that way with people who have problems, Ann, it's not that neat, it's not that tidy! It's not a series of little boxes that you can line up and count. Things just don't happen that way." But why can't you just put it all behind you? Can't you just forget it? All that stuff you did? -But why can't you just put it all behind you? Can't you just forget it? All that stuff you did? No, Ann, I can't. I can't forget it. It's not something I can fix. It's difficult. There s something in my mind... the way my brain works... God, Ann, when you're with another person, and you're... inside them, you're so vulnerable, you're revealing so much... there's no protection. And... somebody could say, or do something to you while you're in this... state of... nakedness. And they could hurt you without even knowing it. In a way that you couldn't even see. And you would withdraw. To make sure it didn't happen again. -I want to touch you. No. -Graham... I'm okay. It's okay. -That's the first thing that ran through my mind when I saw you. I thought this is not the same man that rode the unicycle naked through the homecoming parade. You did that? -Oh, we get along okay. She's just very... she's an extrovert. I think she's loud. She probably wouldn't agree. Definitely wouldn't agree. Are you going to see Elizabeth while you're here? -Graham and I were talking about apartments and I told him to check the Garden District, there are some nice little places there, garage apartments and stuff. Stay away from the Garden District. Serious crime. I don't know what kind of place you're looking for, but there are a lot of studio-type apartments available elsewhere. -John? Mmmmm... -Mmmmm... I called you Tuesday at 3:30 and they said you weren't in. Do you remember where you were? -Tuesday. I had a late lunch. Did you see a message to call me when you got back in? -Yes. I just got busy. That's interesting, because I didn't leave a message. -Then maybe I saw an old message. There are a lot of them on my desk, you know. Who'd you have lunch with? -Who'd you have lunch with? I ate by myself. -Something wrong? Are you having an affair? -Are you having an affair? Jesus Christ, where'd that come from? I have a late lunch by myself and now I'm fucking somebody? -Jesus Christ, where'd that come from? I have a late lunch by myself and now I'm fucking somebody? Well, are you? -Well, are you? No, I'm not. Frankly, I'm offended at the accusation. -No, I'm not. Frankly, I'm offended at the accusation. If I'm right, I want to know. I don't want you to lie. I'd be very upset, but not as upset as if I'd found out you'd been lying. -If I'm right, I want to know. I don't want you to lie. I'd be very upset, but not as upset as if I'd found out you'd been lying. There's nothing to know, Ann. -There's nothing to know, Ann. I can't tell you how upset I would be if you were lying. -I can't tell you how upset I would be if you were lying. Ann, you are completely paranoid. Not ten minutes ago I wanted to make love for the first time in weeks, and you act like I'm dipped in shit. You know, I think there are a lot of women that would be glad to have a young, straight male making a pretty good living beside them in bed with a hard on. -Ann, you are completely paranoid. Not ten minutes ago I wanted to make love for the first time in weeks, and you act like I'm dipped in shit. You know, I think there are a lot of women that would be glad to have a young, straight male making a pretty good living beside them in bed with a hard on. My sister, for one. Is that who it is? -My sister, for one. Is that who it is? For God's sake, Ann, I am not fucking your sister. I don't find her that attractive, for one. -For God's sake, Ann, I am not fucking your sister. I don't find her that attractive, for one. Is that supposed to comfort me? -Is that supposed to comfort me? I was just saying, you know? I didn't get paranoid when you didn't want to make love. I could have easily assumed that you didn't want to because you were having an affair. -I was just saying, you know? I didn't get paranoid when you didn't want to make love. I could have easily assumed that you didn't want to because you were having an affair. But I'm not. -But I'm not. I'm not either!! -I'm not either!! Why don't I believe you? -Why don't I believe you? Look, this conversation is utterly ridiculous. Maybe when you have some evidence, we should talk, but don't give me conjecture and intuition. -Look, this conversation is utterly ridiculous. Maybe when you have some evidence, we should talk, but don't give me conjecture and intuition. Always the lawyer. -Always the lawyer. "Goddam right. I mean, can you imagine: ""Your honor, I'm positive this man is guilty. I can't place him at the scene or establish a motive, but I have this really strong feeling.""" -"Goddam right. I mean, can you imagine: ""Your honor, I'm positive this man is guilty. I can't place him at the scene or establish a motive, but I have this really strong feeling.""" You've made your point. -You've made your point. I'm sorry. It's just... I'm under a lot of pressure with this Kirkland thing, it's my first big case as junior partner, and I work all day, I come home, I look forward to seeing you, and... it hurts that you accuse me like that. -I'm sorry, too. I... I get these ideas in my head, you know, and I have nothing to do all day but sit around and concoct these intricate scenarios. And then I want to believe it so I don't think I've wasted the whole day. Last week I was convinced you were having an affair with Cynthia, I don't know why. I don't, either. I mean, Cynthia, of all people. She's so... -I don't, either. I mean, Cynthia, of all people. She's so... Loud. -Loud. Yeah. Jeez, give me some credit. -Yeah. Jeez, give me some credit. I didn't say it was rational, I just said I was convinced. -I didn't say it was rational, I just said I was convinced. Isn't therapy helping at all? -Isn't therapy helping at all? I don't know. Sometimes I feel stupid babbling about my little problems while children are starving in the world. -I don't know. Sometimes I feel stupid babbling about my little problems while children are starving in the world. Quitting your therapy won't feed the children of Ethiopia. -Quitting your therapy won't feed the children of Ethiopia. I know. -Jesus Christ! What the hell happened? I came home and your car was gone, the door was open, I thought for sure you'd been abducted by some mad fucker, I was literally just calling the cops when you walked in. What happened? I want out of this marriage. -I want out of this marriage. What? -What? I want out of this marriage. -I want out of this marriage. Why? -Why? We'll call it uncontested or whatever. I just want out. -Where did you go when you left here? I drove around. Then I went to talk with Graham. -Goddammit, goddammit!! That son of a bitch!! Well, at least I know you didn't fuck him. No, but I wanted to. I really wanted to, partially just to piss you off. -You're leaving me for him, aren't you? Well, that makes a sad sort of sense. He can't, and you won't. I'm not going to discuss this with you anymore. You're making no sense. -Answer me, godammit!! Did you make one of those tapes? Yes! -Goddam right. Yes. -Bastard... He does. -You son of a bitch!! Not very often. -I have thought about it, yes. You bitch. I knew it. -God damn you!! Yes. -Yes, I remember. What do you do when these moods overtake you? Nothing. I mean, nothing. I try not to do anything that will produce garbage, so obviously we're talking about eating and basic stuff like that. Did you know that the average person produces three pounds of garbage a day? -Nothing. I mean, nothing. I try not to do anything that will produce garbage, so obviously we're talking about eating and basic stuff like that. Did you know that the average person produces three pounds of garbage a day? No, I didn't. -No, I didn't. Don't you think that's a lot of garbage? I'd really like to know where it's all going to go. -Don't you think that's a lot of garbage? I'd really like to know where it's all going to go. Do you have any idea what triggered this concern? -Do you have any idea what triggered this concern? Well, this weekend John was taking out the garbage, and he kept spilling things out of the container, and I started imagining a container that grew garbage, like it just kept filling up and overflowing all by itself, and how could you stop that if it started happening? -Well, this weekend John was taking out the garbage, and he kept spilling things out of the container, and I started imagining a container that grew garbage, like it just kept filling up and overflowing all by itself, and how could you stop that if it started happening? Ann, do you see a pattern here? -Ann, do you see a pattern here? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Well, last week we talked about your obsession with the families of airline fatalities, and now we're talking about your concern over the garbage problem. -Well, last week we talked about your obsession with the families of airline fatalities, and now we're talking about your concern over the garbage problem. Yeah, so? -Yeah, so? If you think about it, I think you'll see that the object of your obsession is invariably something negative that you couldn't possibly have any control over. -If you think about it, I think you'll see that the object of your obsession is invariably something negative that you couldn't possibly have any control over. Well, do you think many people run around thinking about how happy they feel and how great things are? I mean, maybe they do, but I doubt those people are in therapy. Besides, being happy isn't all that great. My figure is always at its best when I'm depressed. The last time I was really happy I put on twenty-five pounds. I thought John was going to have a stroke. -Are you afraid of his reaction? Of his finding you silly for thinking of such things? No. I don't know. I haven't told him about the garbage thing because I'm pissed off at him right now. He's letting some old college buddy stay at our house for a couple of days, and he didn't even ask me about it. I mean, I would've said yes, I just wish he would've asked. -No. I don't know. I haven't told him about the garbage thing because I'm pissed off at him right now. He's letting some old college buddy stay at our house for a couple of days, and he didn't even ask me about it. I mean, I would've said yes, I just wish he would've asked. What upsets you about that? -What upsets you about that? I guess I'm upset because I can't really justify being upset, I mean, it's his house, really, he pays the mortgage. -I guess I'm upset because I can't really justify being upset, I mean, it's his house, really, he pays the mortgage. But he asked you to quit your job, and you do have housework. -But he asked you to quit your job, and you do have housework. Yeah, I know. -Yeah, I know. This unexpected visit notwithstanding, how are things with John? -This unexpected visit notwithstanding, how are things with John? Fine, I guess. Except right now I'm going through this where I don't want him to touch me. -When did you begin having this feeling? About a week ago. I don't know what brought it on, I just started feeling like I didn't want him to touch me. -About a week ago. I don't know what brought it on, I just started feeling like I didn't want him to touch me. Prior to this feeling, were you comfortable having physical contact with him? -Prior to this feeling, were you comfortable having physical contact with him? Oh, yeah. But see, I've never really been into sex that much, I mean, I like it and everything, it just does't freak me out, I wouldn't miss it, you know? But anyway, lately we haven't been doing anything at all. Like I said, it's not that I miss it, but I'm curious the way things kind of slacked off all of a sudden. -Perhaps he senses your hesitance at being touched. But see, he stopped before I got that feeling, that's why it seems weird to me. I mean, I'm sure he wishes I would initiate things once in awhile, and I would except it never occurs to me, I'm always thinking about something else and then the few times that I have felt like starting something I was by myself. -But see, he stopped before I got that feeling, that's why it seems weird to me. I mean, I'm sure he wishes I would initiate things once in awhile, and I would except it never occurs to me, I'm always thinking about something else and then the few times that I have felt like starting something I was by myself. Did you do anything? -What do you mean? Did you masturbate? -Did you masturbate? God, no. -God, no. I take it you've never masturbated? -I take it you've never masturbated? Well, I kind of tried once. It just seemed stupid, I kept seeing myself lying there and it seemed stupid, and kind of, uh, I don't know, and then I was wondering if my dead grandfather could see me doing this, and it just seemed like a dumb thing to be doing when we don't know what to do with all that garbage, you know? -Well, I kind of tried once. It just seemed stupid, I kept seeing myself lying there and it seemed stupid, and kind of, uh, I don't know, and then I was wondering if my dead grandfather could see me doing this, and it just seemed like a dumb thing to be doing when we don't know what to do with all that garbage, you know? So it was recently that you tried this. -So it was recently that you tried this. Well, kind of recently, I guess. But not too recently. -Well, I don't know. The week started off okay, but then I was outside watering the plants, and I started feeling dizzy from the heat and that got me thinking about the Greenhouse Effect, so I went inside and turned on the air-conditioner full blast, and that made me feel a little better until I started thinking about radon leakage coming up through the floor, and -- Radon leakage? -Radon leakage? Yes, it's this radioactive gas in the ground, and houses kind of act like magnets to pull it up, and -- you've never heard of this? -Yes, it's this radioactive gas in the ground, and houses kind of act like magnets to pull it up, and -- you've never heard of this? No, I haven't. -No, I haven't. Well, the cumulative effect is not good, let me tell you. I knew I shouldn't have watered those plants. -Well, the cumulative effect is not good, let me tell you. I knew I shouldn't have watered those plants. Did you confront John about the visitor? -Did you confront John about the visitor? What visitor? -What visitor? The friend of John's that was staying at your house. -The friend of John's that was staying at your house. Oh, Graham. No, I didn't talk to him about that. Actually, that turned out to be pretty interesting. I expected Graham to be this... well, like John, you know? I mean, he said they had gone to school together, so I was expecting lots of stories about getting drunk and secret handshakes and stuff. But he turned out to be this... this kind of character, I mean, he's kind of arty but okay, you know? -Oh, Graham. No, I didn't talk to him about that. Actually, that turned out to be pretty interesting. I expected Graham to be this... well, like John, you know? I mean, he said they had gone to school together, so I was expecting lots of stories about getting drunk and secret handshakes and stuff. But he turned out to be this... this kind of character, I mean, he's kind of arty but okay, you know? Is he still at your house? -Is he still at your house? No, he left last week. -No, he left last week. Did you find him attractive? -Did you find him attractive? What do you mean, like physically? -What do you mean, like physically? Let me rephrase. Were you attracted to him? -Let me rephrase. Were you attracted to him? I guess, but not because of the way he looked or anything. He's just so different, somebody new to have a conversation with. I'm just tired of talking to other couples about whether or not they're going to buy the station wagon, you know? It's just boring. I don't know, he was just different. And he's really on about truth a lot, being honest, and I like that, I felt comfortable around him. After he left I had a dream that he signed a lease to rent our guest room. -What brought this on? I've been thinking about it for awhile, and then I was talking to somebody who kind of put things in perspective for me. -I've been thinking about it for awhile, and then I was talking to somebody who kind of put things in perspective for me. I thought that's what I did. Who was it that you talked to? -I thought that's what I did. Who was it that you talked to? That guy Graham I told you about. He said taking advice from someone you don't know intimately was... well, he said a lot of stuff. -Ann, in life one has to be aware of hidden agendas. Did it occur to you that Graham may have his own reasons for not wanting you to be in therapy? What do you mean? I don't understand. -What do you mean? I don't understand. It's possible that Graham has hidden motives for disliking therapy and/or therapists. Perhaps he has problems of his own that he is unwilling to deal with, and he would like to see other people, you for instance, wallow in their situation just as he does. Do you think that's possible? -It's possible that Graham has hidden motives for disliking therapy and/or therapists. Perhaps he has problems of his own that he is unwilling to deal with, and he would like to see other people, you for instance, wallow in their situation just as he does. Do you think that's possible? I guess. -I guess. You understand that you are free to leave therapy at any time? -You understand that you are free to leave therapy at any time? Yes. -Yes. That you are under no obligation to me? -That you are under no obligation to me? Yes. -Yes. Do you want to leave therapy? -Do you want to leave therapy? Not really. -Not really. Do you feel there is more progress to be made? -Do you feel there is more progress to be made? Yes. -Yes. I'm glad you feel that way, because I feel that way, too. -I'm glad you feel that way, because I feel that way, too. But you don't have hidden motives for feeling that way, right? -I hate my sister. Why? -Why? Because all she thinks about are these guys she's after and I just hate her she's such a little slut I thought that in high school and I think that now. Why do people have to be so obsessed with sex all what's the big damn deal? I mean, it's okay and everything, but I don't understand when people let it control them, control their lives, why do they do that? -There are many things that can exert control over one's life, good and bad. Religion, greed, philanthropy, drugs. I know, but this... I just feel like everybody I know right now is obsessed with sex. -I don't know. He went to school here, then he was in New York for awhile, then Philadelphia, and then just kind of travelling around. Must be nice. So, what's he like, is he like John? -Must be nice. So, what's he like, is he like John? No, not at all. Actually, I don't think John likes him much anymore. He said he thought Graham had gotten strange. -Is he? Strange, I mean? Not really. Maybe if I just saw him on the street I'd have said that, but after talking to him... he's just kind of... I don't know, unusual. -Not really. Maybe if I just saw him on the street I'd have said that, but after talking to him... he's just kind of... I don't know, unusual. Uh-huh. So what's he look like? -Uh-huh. So what's he look like? Why? -Why? I just want to know what he looks like, is all. -I just want to know what he looks like, is all. Why, so you can go after him? -Why, so you can go after him? Jesus, Ann, get a life. I just asked what he looked like. -Besides, even if I decided to fuck his brains out, what business is that of yours? Do you have to say that? -Do you have to say that? What? -What? You know what. You say it just to irritate me. -You know what. You say it just to irritate me. I say it because it's descriptive. -I say it because it's descriptive. Well, he doesn't strike me as the kind of person that would go in for that sort of thing, anyway. -Well, he doesn't strike me as the kind of person that would go in for that sort of thing, anyway. Ann, you always underestimate me. -Ann, you always underestimate me. Well, I wonder why. -Well, I wonder why. I think you're afraid to put the two of us in the same room together. I think you're afraid he'll be undeniably drawn to me. -I think you're afraid to put the two of us in the same room together. I think you're afraid he'll be undeniably drawn to me. Oh, for God's sake. Really, Cynthia, really, I don't think he's your type. -Oh, for God's sake. Really, Cynthia, really, I don't think he's your type. """My type""? What is this bullshit? How would you know what ""my type"" is?" -"""My type""? What is this bullshit? How would you know what ""my type"" is?" I have a pretty good idea. -I have a pretty good idea. Ann, you don't have a clue. Look, I don't even know why we're discussing this, I'll just call him myself. -Ann, you don't have a clue. Look, I don't even know why we're discussing this, I'll just call him myself. He doesn't have a phone. -He doesn't have a phone. Well, I'll call him when he does. -Well, I'll call him when he does. But he won't. -But he won't. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? He's not getting a phone, he doesn't like talking on the phone. -He's not getting a phone, he doesn't like talking on the phone. Oh, please. Okay, so give me the Zen master's address, I'll think of a reason to stop by. -Oh, please. Okay, so give me the Zen master's address, I'll think of a reason to stop by. Let me talk to him first. -Let me talk to him first. Why? Just give me the address, you won't even have to be involved. -Why? Just give me the address, you won't even have to be involved. I don't feel right just giving you the address so that you can go over there and... -I don't feel right just giving you the address so that you can go over there and... And what? -And what? And... do whatever it is you do. -Lose something? That goddam diamond stud earring that cost me a fucking fortune. -That goddam diamond stud earring that cost me a fucking fortune. Are you getting Mom something for her birthday? -Are you getting Mom something for her birthday? I don't know, I'll get her a card or something. -I don't know, I'll get her a card or something. A card? For her fiftieth birthday? -A card? For her fiftieth birthday? What's wrong with that? -What's wrong with that? Don't you think she deserves a little more than a card? I mean, the woman gave birth to you. It's her fiftieth birthday -- -Don't you think she deserves a little more than a card? I mean, the woman gave birth to you. It's her fiftieth birthday -- Will you stop? Jesus. -Will you stop? Jesus. I just thought it might -- -I just thought it might -- Okay, Ann, okay. How about this: you buy her something nice, and I'll pay for half. All right? -Okay, Ann, okay. How about this: you buy her something nice, and I'll pay for half. All right? Fine. -Fine. Good. Now, if you'll pardon me, I have to go to work. -Good. Now, if you'll pardon me, I have to go to work. I was thinking maybe I shouldn't be in therapy anymore. -I don't... he doesn't want you to come over. What do you mean he doesn't want me to come over? Did you tell him about me? -What do you mean he doesn't want me to come over? Did you tell him about me? No, I didn't. -No, I didn't. Why not? -Why not? Because I never got around to it. -Because I never got around to it. Well, why? -Well, why? Because. Cynthia, look, John was right. Graham is strange. Very strange. You don't want to get involved with him. -Because. Cynthia, look, John was right. Graham is strange. Very strange. You don't want to get involved with him. What the hell happened over there? Did he make a pass at you? -What the hell happened over there? Did he make a pass at you? No! -No! "Then what's the story, what's this ""strange"" bullshit all of a sudden? Is he drowning puppies, or what?" -"Then what's the story, what's this ""strange"" bullshit all of a sudden? Is he drowning puppies, or what?" No, it's nothing like that. -No, it's nothing like that. Well, what? Is he dangerous? -Well, what? Is he dangerous? No, he's not dangerous. Not physically. -No, he's not dangerous. Not physically. Well, what, then? -Well, what, then? I don't want to talk about it. -I don't want to talk about it. Then why'd you call me? -Then why'd you call me? I don't know. -He just asked me questions. What kinds of questions? -What kinds of questions? Questions about sex. -Questions about sex. Well, like what did he ask, exactly? -Well, like, I don't want to tell you, exactly. Oh, so you'll let a total stranger record your sexual life on tape, but you won't tell your own sister? -Oh, so you'll let a total stranger record your sexual life on tape, but you won't tell your own sister? Apparently. -Apparently. Did he ask you to take your clothes off? -Yes, I did. Cynthia! -Cynthia! What!? -What!? Why did you do that? -Why did you do that? Because I wanted to. -Because I wanted to. But why did you want to? -But why did you want to? I wanted him to see me. -I wanted him to see me. Cynthia, who knows where that tape may end up? He could be... bouncing it off some satellite or something. Some horny old men in South America or something could be watching it. -Cynthia, who knows where that tape may end up? He could be... bouncing it off some satellite or something. Some horny old men in South America or something could be watching it. He wouldn't do that. -He wouldn't do that. You don't know that for sure. -You don't know that for sure. Well, it's too late now, isn't it? -Well, it's too late now, isn't it? Did he touch you? -Did he touch you? No, but I did. -No, but I did. You touched him? -In front of him, Ann, yes. You are in trouble. -You are in trouble. Listen to you!! You sound like Mom. What are you talking about? -Listen to you!! You sound like Mom. What are you talking about? I can't believe you did that!! -I can't believe you did that!! Why? -Why? I mean, I couldn't do that in front of John, even. -I mean, I couldn't do that in front of John, even. You couldn't do it, period. -You couldn't do it, period. You know what I mean, you don't even know him! -You know what I mean, you don't even know him! I feel like I do. -I feel like I do. That doesn't mean you do. You can't possibly trust him, he's... perverted. -That doesn't mean you do. You can't possibly trust him, he's... perverted. He's harmless. He just sits around and looks at these tapes. What's the big deal? -He's harmless. He just sits around and looks at these tapes. What's the big deal? So he's got this catalogue of women touching themselves? That doesn't make you feel weird? -So he's got this catalogue of women touching themselves? That doesn't make you feel weird? No. I don't think they all did what I did. -No. I don't think they all did what I did. You are in serious trouble. -You are in serious trouble. Ann, I don't understand why this freaks you out so much. You didn't do it, I did, and if it doesn't bother me, why should it bother you? -Ann, I don't understand why this freaks you out so much. You didn't do it, I did, and if it doesn't bother me, why should it bother you? I don't want to discuss it. -I don't want to discuss it. Then why do you keep asking about it? -Here it is. What is it? -What is it? It's a sun dress. -It's a sun dress. It looks like a tablecloth. -It looks like a tablecloth. It does not. -I was just trying to -- Hold on. -So what's my share of the dress? Thirty-two dollars. -Thank you. Well. I can't stay. -Do you have my work number? No. -I get real busy between two and four. Okay. -Bye. Bye. -Did he ask me to take my clothes off? No, he didn't. Did you take your clothes off? -No, I touched me. Wait a minute. Do you mean... don't tell me you... in front of him. -I wish you'd get an answering machine. There's a phone here. -There's a phone here. It was busy. -Well, why would she want a sun dress? She's got spots on her shoulders and varicose veins. So will you, someday. -Who are you? I'm Cynthia Bishop. -I'm Cynthia Bishop. Do I know you? -Do I know you? I'm Ann Millaney's sister. -I'm Ann Millaney's sister. The extrovert. -The extrovert. She must have been in a good mood when she said that. She usually calls me loud. -She must have been in a good mood when she said that. She usually calls me loud. She called you that, too. May I ask why you're here? -She called you that, too. May I ask why you're here? You want me to leave? -You want me to leave? I just want to know why you're here. -I just want to know why you're here. Well, like I said, Ann is my sister. Sisters talk. You can imagine the rest. -Well, like I said, Ann is my sister. Sisters talk. You can imagine the rest. No, I really can't. I find it healthy never to characterize people I don't know or conversations I haven't heard. I don't know what you and your sister discussed about me or anything else. Last time I saw Ann she left here very... confused, I would say. And upset. -No, I really can't. I find it healthy never to characterize people I don't know or conversations I haven't heard. I don't know what you and your sister discussed about me or anything else. Last time I saw Ann she left here very... confused, I would say. And upset. She still is. -She still is. And are you here to berate me for making her that way? -And are you here to berate me for making her that way? Nope. -Nope. She didn't tell you why she was upset? -She didn't tell you why she was upset? Nope. -Nope. She didn't give you my address? -She didn't give you my address? Nope. -Nope. How did you find me? -How did you find me? I, uh, know a guy at the power company. -I, uh, know a guy at the power company. I don't understand. Why did you want to come here? I mean, I can't imagine Ann painted a very flattering portrait of me. -I don't understand. Why did you want to come here? I mean, I can't imagine Ann painted a very flattering portrait of me. Well, I don't really listen to her when it comes to men. I mean, look at John, for crissake. Oh, you went to school with him didn't you? You're probably friends or something. -Well, I don't really listen to her when it comes to men. I mean, look at John, for crissake. Oh, you went to school with him didn't you? You're probably friends or something. Nope. I think the man is a liar. -Nope. I think the man is a liar. I think you're right. So come on, I came all the way over here to find out what got Ann so spooked, tell me what happened. -I think you're right. So come on, I came all the way over here to find out what got Ann so spooked, tell me what happened. Spooked. -Oh, okay. I think I get it. What do you get? -What do you get? Well, they must be something sexual, because Ann gets freaked out by that shit. Are these tapes of you having sex with these girls or something? -Well, they must be something sexual, because Ann gets freaked out by that shit. Are these tapes of you having sex with these girls or something? Not exactly. -Not exactly. Well, either you are or you aren't. Which is it? -Well, either you are or you aren't. Which is it? Why don't you let me tape you? -Why don't you let me tape you? Doing what? -Doing what? Talking. -Talking. About what? -About what? Sex. Your sexual history, your sexual preferences. -Sex. Your sexual history, your sexual preferences. What makes you think I'd discuss that with you? -What makes you think I'd discuss that with you? Nothing. -Nothing. You just want to ask me questions? -You just want to ask me questions? I just want to ask you questions. -I just want to ask you questions. And that's all? -And that's all? That's all. -That's all. Is this how you get off or something? Taping women talking about their sexual experiences? -Is this how you get off or something? Taping women talking about their sexual experiences? Yes. -Yes. Would anybody else see the tape? -Would anybody else see the tape? Absolutely not. They are for my private use only. -Absolutely not. They are for my private use only. How do we start? -How do we start? I turn on the camera. You start talking. -I turn on the camera. You start talking. And you ask questions, right? -And you ask questions, right? Yes. -Yes. How long will it take? -How long will it take? That depends on you. One woman only used three minutes. Another filled up three two hour tapes. -That depends on you. One woman only used three minutes. Another filled up three two hour tapes. Can I see some of the other tapes to get an idea of what -- -Can I see some of the other tapes to get an idea of what -- No. -No. Do I sit or stand? -Do I sit or stand? Whichever you prefer. -Whichever you prefer. I'd rather sit. Are you ready? -I'd rather sit. Are you ready? Just a moment. -I am now recording. Tell me your name. Cynthia Patrice Bishop. -Cynthia Patrice Bishop. Describe for me your first sexual experience. -Describe for me your first sexual experience. My first sexual experience or the first time I had intercourse? -My first sexual experience or the first time I had intercourse? Your first sexual experience. -Your first sexual experience. "I was... eight years old. Michael Green, who was also eight, asked if he could watch me take a pee. I said he could if I could watch him take one, too. He said okay, and then we went into the woods behind our house. I got this feeling he was chickening out because he kept saying, ""Ladies first!"" So I pulled down my underpants and urinated, and he ran away before I even finished." -"I was... eight years old. Michael Green, who was also eight, asked if he could watch me take a pee. I said he could if I could watch him take one, too. He said okay, and then we went into the woods behind our house. I got this feeling he was chickening out because he kept saying, ""Ladies first!"" So I pulled down my underpants and urinated, and he ran away before I even finished." Was it ever a topic of conversation between the two of you afterward? -Was it ever a topic of conversation between the two of you afterward? No. He kind of avoided me for the rest of the summer, and then his family moved away. To Cleveland, actually. -No. He kind of avoided me for the rest of the summer, and then his family moved away. To Cleveland, actually. How unfortunate. So when did you finally get to see a penis? -How unfortunate. So when did you finally get to see a penis? When I was fourteen. -When I was fourteen. Live, or in a photograph or film of some sort? -Live, or in a photograph or film of some sort? Very much live. -Very much live. What did you think? Did it look like you expected? -What did you think? Did it look like you expected? Not really. I didn't picture it with veins or ridges or anything, I thought it would be smooth, like a test tube. -Not really. I didn't picture it with veins or ridges or anything, I thought it would be smooth, like a test tube. Were you disappointed? -Were you disappointed? No. If anything, after I looked at it awhile, it got more interesting. It had character, you know? -No. If anything, after I looked at it awhile, it got more interesting. It had character, you know? What about when you touched it? What did you expect it to feel like, and then what did it really feel like? -What about when you touched it? What did you expect it to feel like, and then what did it really feel like? It was warmer than I thought it would be, and the skin was softer than it looked. It's weird. Thinking about it now, the organ itself seemed like a separate thing, a separate entity to me. I mean, after he pulled it out and I could look at it and touch it, I completely forgot that there was a guy attached to it. I remember literally being startled when the guy spoke to me. -It was warmer than I thought it would be, and the skin was softer than it looked. It's weird. Thinking about it now, the organ itself seemed like a separate thing, a separate entity to me. I mean, after he pulled it out and I could look at it and touch it, I completely forgot that there was a guy attached to it. I remember literally being startled when the guy spoke to me. What did he say? -What did he say? He said that my hand felt good. -He said that my hand felt good. Then what happened? -Then what happened? Then I started moving my hand, and then he stopped talking. -Would you like me to take my pants off? If you wish. You're not wearing any underwear. -If you wish. You're not wearing any underwear. Do you like the way I look? -Do you like the way I look? Yes. -Yes. Do you think I'm pretty? -Do you think I'm pretty? Yes. -Yes. Prettier than Ann? -Prettier than Ann? Different. -John doesn't have sex with Ann anymore. Is that what he tells you? -Is that what he tells you? He doesn't have to tell me. -Hello. Hi. -Look, I'm just going to come right out and tell you why I'm here, okay? Okay. -Okay. I'd like to make another tape. -No. No? Not even one more? -No? Not even one more? I never do more than one. I'm sorry. -I never do more than one. I'm sorry. I can't talk you into it? -I can't talk you into it? No. You'll have to get somebody else. -No. You'll have to get somebody else. Now who the hell is going to do that for me? -Now who the hell is going to do that for me? I'm sure a substantial number of men in this town would volunteer. -I'm sure a substantial number of men in this town would volunteer. But I want you to do it, I want somebody who will ask the right questions and everything, somebody I can play to and feel safe because you can't do anything. -But I want you to do it, I want somebody who will ask the right questions and everything, somebody I can play to and feel safe because you can't do anything. Ouch. Okay, I deserved that. Cynthia, don't you understand? After the first time it's just not spontaneous. There's no edge anymore. Look at the tapes, there is only one date on each label. I have never taped anyone twice. -Ouch. Okay, I deserved that. Cynthia, don't you understand? After the first time it's just not spontaneous. There's no edge anymore. Look at the tapes, there is only one date on each label. I have never taped anyone twice. So make an exception. -So make an exception. No. -No. How about if you record over the one we already made? You could have the same date and not use another tape. Who would know? -How about if you record over the one we already made? You could have the same date and not use another tape. Who would know? I would. -I would. Well, what the hell am I supposed to do? -Well, what the hell am I supposed to do? Cynthia, I don't know. -Cynthia, I don't know. I can't believe you're doing this after I let you tape me. -I can't believe you're doing this after I let you tape me. I'm sorry. I can't do it. -I'm sorry. I can't do it. Goddamit, give me my tape, then. -Goddamit, give me my tape, then. No. -I've got to get back to the office. I only get one today? Gee, how exciting. -I can't let my lunch hour go on too long. I've already skipped one meeting. Don't give me this passive/aggressive bullshit. If you want to leave, leave. My life doesn't stop when you walk out the door, you know what I'm saying? -I have a friend coming in from out of town, I'll probably be spending some time with him the next couple of days. Meaning we'll have to cool it for awhile, right? -Meaning we'll have to cool it for awhile, right? Right. -I wish you'd quit that bartending job. Why? -Why? I hate the thought of guys hitting on you all the time. -I hate the thought of guys hitting on you all the time. I can handle it. Besides, the money is good and some of the guys are cute. And you are in no position to be jealous. -I can handle it. Besides, the money is good and some of the guys are cute. And you are in no position to be jealous. Who said I was jealous? -Who said I was jealous? I did. -I wish I could tell everybody that Ann's a lousy lay. Beautiful, popular, Ann Bishop Millaney. Could be risky. -Could be risky. Well, maybe I could just start a rumor, then. -Well, maybe I could just start a rumor, then. No, I mean doing it at my house. -No, I mean doing it at my house. Afraid of getting caught? -Afraid of getting caught? Maybe. -Maybe. You should be. Can I meet this friend of yours? -You should be. Can I meet this friend of yours? Cynthia, I don't think you want to, I mean, you should see the way he dresses. I really think he's in a bad way. -Cynthia, I don't think you want to, I mean, you should see the way he dresses. I really think he's in a bad way. I'm intrigued. -I'm intrigued. You're intrigued? -You're intrigued? Sure. Maybe he's the man I'm looking for. Then I won't have to fuck worried husbands all the time. -Hello. Cynthia. John. Meet me at my house in exactly one hour. -Cynthia. John. Meet me at my house in exactly one hour. You are scum. I'll be there. -John? In here!! -Hello. Cynthia. John. -Cynthia. John. Not today. I've got other plans. -Not today. I've got other plans. Oh. Well, when, then? -Oh. Well, when, then? How about inviting me over to dinner? -How about inviting me over to dinner? You know what I mean. -You know what I mean. Yeah, I know what you mean. -John Millaney. I want to see you. -I want to see you. When? -When? Right now. -Right now. Jesus, I don't know if I can get away. I've got a client waiting. I'd have to do some heavy duty juggling. -Jesus, I don't know if I can get away. I've got a client waiting. I'd have to do some heavy duty juggling. Then get those balls in the air and get your butt over here. -Hello. Cynthia. John. -Cynthia. John. Well, this is timely. Your wife is here, would you like to speak to her? -Well, this is timely. Your wife is here, would you like to speak to her? She's there? What's she doing there? -I don't know. I'm not sure I can duplicate the level of intensity I had the other day. Nothing wrong with trying. -Nothing wrong with trying. I don't think my sister would agree. -Do you want me to stop calling? Look, I'll call you, okay? -It's just so blatantly stupid, I have a hard time believing you did it. What's so stupid about it? -What's so stupid about it? That you... you don't even know the guy. -That you... you don't even know the guy. Well, you know him, he's a friend of yours, do you think he can be trusted? -Well, you know him, he's a friend of yours, do you think he can be trusted? Shit, after what you've told me, I don't know. I should've known, when he showed up dressed like some arty brat. -Shit, after what you've told me, I don't know. I should've known, when he showed up dressed like some arty brat. I like the way he dresses. -I like the way he dresses. What if this tape gets into the wrong hands? -What if this tape gets into the wrong hands? """The wrong hands""? We're not talking about military secrets, John. They're just tapes that he makes so he can sit around and get off." -"""The wrong hands""? We're not talking about military secrets, John. They're just tapes that he makes so he can sit around and get off." Jesus Christ. And he doesn't have sex with any of them? They just talk? -Jesus Christ. And he doesn't have sex with any of them? They just talk? Right. -Right. Jesus. I could almost understand it if he was screwing these people, almost. Why doesn't he just buy some magazines or porno movies or something? -Jesus. I could almost understand it if he was screwing these people, almost. Why doesn't he just buy some magazines or porno movies or something? Doesn't work. He has to know the people, he has to be able to interact with them. -Doesn't work. He has to know the people, he has to be able to interact with them. Interact, fine, but did you have to masturbate in front of him, for God's sake? I mean... -I felt like it, so what? Goddam, you and Ann make such a big deal out of it. You told Ann about this? -You told Ann about this? Of course. She is my sister. I tell her almost everything. -Of course. She is my sister. I tell her almost everything. I wish you hadn't done that. -I wish you hadn't done that. Why not? -Why not? It's just something I'd prefer she didn't know about. -It's just something I'd prefer she didn't know about. She's a grown-up, she can handle it. -She's a grown-up, she can handle it. I just... Ann is very... -I just... Ann is very... Hung up. -Hung up. It just wasn't a smart thing to do. Did you sign any sort of paper, or did he have any contract with you saying he wouldn't broadcast these tapes? -It just wasn't a smart thing to do. Did you sign any sort of paper, or did he have any contract with you saying he wouldn't broadcast these tapes? No. -No. You realize you have no recourse legally? This stuff could show up anywhere. -You realize you have no recourse legally? This stuff could show up anywhere. It won't. I trust him. -It won't. I trust him. You trust him. -You trust him. Yeah, I do. A helluva lot more than I trust you. -Yeah, I do. A helluva lot more than I trust you. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Exactly what I said. I'd trust him before I'd trust you. How much clearer can I be? -Exactly what I said. I'd trust him before I'd trust you. How much clearer can I be? It hurts that you would say that to me. -It hurts that you would say that to me. Oh, please. Come on, John. You're fucking your wife's sister and you hardly been married a year. You're a liar. But at least I know you're a liar. It's the people that don't know, like Ann, that have to watch out. -Oh, please. Come on, John. You're fucking your wife's sister and you hardly been married a year. You're a liar. But at least I know you're a liar. It's the people that don't know, like Ann, that have to watch out. By definition you're lying to Ann, too. -By definition you're lying to Ann, too. "That's right. But I never took a vow in front of God and everybody to be ""faithful"" to my sister." -"That's right. But I never took a vow in front of God and everybody to be ""faithful"" to my sister." Look, are we going to do it or not? -Look, are we going to do it or not? Actually, no, I've changed my mind. I shouldn't have called. -Actually, no, I've changed my mind. I shouldn't have called. Well, I'm here now. I'd like to do something... -Well, I'm here now. I'd like to do something... How about straightening up the living room? -Come on, John. You should be happy, we've gone this far without Ann finding out, I'm making it real easy on you. Just walk out of here and I'll see you at your house for a family dinner sometime. Did he put you up to this? -Did he put you up to this? Who? -Who? Graham. -Graham. No, he didn't put me up to this. Jesus, I don't need people to tell me what I should do. I've just been thinking about things, that's all. -No, he didn't put me up to this. Jesus, I don't need people to tell me what I should do. I've just been thinking about things, that's all. I can't believe I let him stay in my house. Right under my nose. That deviant fucker was right under my nose and I didn't see him. -I can't believe I let him stay in my house. Right under my nose. That deviant fucker was right under my nose and I didn't see him. If he had been under your prick you'd have spotted him for sure. -If he had been under your prick you'd have spotted him for sure. God, you... you're mean. -God, you... you're mean. I know. Will you please leave now? -I know. Will you please leave now? Maybe I don't want to leave. Maybe I want to talk. -Maybe I don't want to leave. Maybe I want to talk. John, we have nothing to talk about. -John, we have nothing to talk about. I knew it, I knew it. Things are getting complicated. -I knew it, I knew it. Things are getting complicated. No, John, things are getting real simple. -Plenty of room for two people. It'll just be me. -It'll just be me. Student? -Student? No. You said three-fifty? -No. You said three-fifty? Plus first and last month deposit. -Plus first and last month deposit. Will you lease month-to-month? -Will you lease month-to-month? Not for three-fifty. -Not for three-fifty. How about for five hundred? -Everybody has a past. What do you think the Greeks would make of that outfit you're wearing? -What do you think the Greeks would make of that outfit you're wearing? A bonfire, probably. -Yeah, it's not bad. Usually Ann has some serious salt action going. I keep telling her, you can always add more if you want, but you can't take it out. You have family here also? -I'm sorry. Am I prying again? You were prying before? -You were prying before? Yes, this afternoon. I was grilling Ann about your marriage this afternoon. -Yes, this afternoon. I was grilling Ann about your marriage this afternoon. Really. How'd it go? -Really. How'd it go? She held up very well. -I wish I didn't have to live someplace. What do you mean? -Get rid of the car when you get your apartment, then you'll still have one key. I like having the car, the car is important. -I like having the car, the car is important. Especially if you want to leave someplace in a hurry. -Especially if you want to leave someplace in a hurry. Or go someplace in a hurry. -Hi, John. Where are the tapes, Graham? -Where are the tapes, Graham? What tapes? -What tapes? You know which tapes! Where are they? -You know which tapes! Where are they? John, as a lawyer, you should know that those tapes are private property. -John, as a lawyer, you should know that those tapes are private property. So is my wife, asshole!! -So is my wife, asshole!! She's not property, John, she's a person. Were you just going to keep right on lying to her? -She's not property, John, she's a person. Were you just going to keep right on lying to her? What the hell do you think? I love Ann. You think I'm going to tell her about Cynthia and hurt her feelings like that? -What the hell do you think? I love Ann. You think I'm going to tell her about Cynthia and hurt her feelings like that? God, you need help. -God, you need help. I need help? Whose sitting by himself in a room choking his chauncey to a bunch of videotapes, Graham? Not me, buddy. You're the fucking nut. Now show me those tapes. -I need help? Whose sitting by himself in a room choking his chauncey to a bunch of videotapes, Graham? Not me, buddy. You're the fucking nut. Now show me those tapes. No. -No. I'm not kidding, Graham, you'd better do what I say. Give me those tapes. -I'm not kidding, Graham, you'd better do what I say. Give me those tapes. No. -Graham, I swear to Christ I'll kill your scrawny ass. Now give me those tapes. No. -Give me your keys. My keys? -Your keys, asshole!! Your two fucking keys!! Give them to me!! I'm not going to give you my keys. -Have you ever wanted to make love to someone other than your husband? Goddamit... -Answer him, goddammit!! You're hesitating. I think that means you have. -You're hesitating. I think that means you have. Shut up!!! -IBM. Brian Kirkland, please. -Brian Kirkland, please. May I ask who's calling? -May I ask who's calling? John Millaney. -John Millaney. One moment. -One moment. Anyway, I've always said, the work is the thing. I can be happy without a marriage, but take away my work, that's different. And if Ann can't handle that, that's her problem, like we re all alone in this world, you know what I'm saying? I mean, fuck. Jesus, what's takin' this guy? -Mr. Millaney? Yes? -Yes? Mr. Kirkland has asked me to inform you that he has obtained legal representation elsewhere, and that if you have a message for him to leave it with me. -Mr. Millaney? Yeah. -Yeah. Mr. Forman would like to see you in his office. -Mr. Forman would like to see you in his office. Okay, in a minute, I'm on with a client. -Okay, in a minute, I'm on with a client. He said immediately. -He said immediately. All right, jesus. -...probably nothing at all. It's probably just a bunch of, I don't know, fatty cysts. You can have them removed in a doctor's office. Has Nick seen a doctor? He hates doctors. Doctors and lawyers. He never goes to doctors. -He hates doctors. Doctors and lawyers. He never goes to doctors. Well, look. How's this? You go on down to the clinic and tell that nice Dr. St. Luc... ...you tell him that Nick's ill, he's got these lumps, and he can't get out of bed. Tell him to come when you're sure Nick'll be home. And don't tell Nick anything. Let the two of them fight it out. -Well, look. How's this? You go on down to the clinic and tell that nice Dr. St. Luc... ...you tell him that Nick's ill, he's got these lumps, and he can't get out of bed. Tell him to come when you're sure Nick'll be home. And don't tell Nick anything. Let the two of them fight it out. He'll be really mad. -He'll be really mad. So? You'll find out what's wrong and then you'll be able to relax a little bit. Let him be the uptight one for a change. -Hi. Hi. Want a drink? -Hi. Want a drink? No thanks. Just wanted to tell you that Dr. St. Luc is coming up to see Nick at ten or so. -No thanks. Just wanted to tell you that Dr. St. Luc is coming up to see Nick at ten or so. Was he nice to you? -Oh, you feel very good, Betts. You have such a cosy body. I'm jealous, I'm so skinny. Make love to me, 'Nine? I want you to make love to me. Please, please make love to me. -C'mon, let's smoke one of the cigarettes right now. Your father'll never miss it. I can't, dummy. He'll see that the pack's been opened. You're such a dumbhead. -I can't, dummy. He'll see that the pack's been opened. You're such a dumbhead. OK, then. I'm gonna go back to the store and buy my own pack and smoke 'em all myself. -OK, then. I'm gonna go back to the store and buy my own pack and smoke 'em all myself. Buy 'em with what, dumbhead? -Buy 'em with what, dumbhead? With some milk jugs I just happened to pick up on the way home. -Jesus! Let's get outta here before somebody hears us! -Dr. St. Luc? Detective-Sergeant Heller. I'd like to ask you a few questions. Sure. -Sure. You're the one who found the bodies? -You're the one who found the bodies? Yes. -Yes. Did you touch anything? Move anything before we got here? -Did you touch anything? Move anything before we got here? No, nothing. -No, nothing. You knew these people? -You knew these people? I knew the man, Emil Hobbes, a doctor and a professor at university. I saw the girl around the building but I didn't know her. She never came to the clinic. -I knew the man, Emil Hobbes, a doctor and a professor at university. I saw the girl around the building but I didn't know her. She never came to the clinic. So you just came up to visit this Hobbes and you found them like that? -So you just came up to visit this Hobbes and you found them like that? Oh, no. I haven't seen Dr. Hobbes since I was in medical school. He taught me... he was my prof in urology and... I think he conducted a few seminars in psychopharmacology. That was it. I had no idea he'd ever set foot in Starliner Towers until today. -Oh, no. I haven't seen Dr. Hobbes since I was in medical school. He taught me... he was my prof in urology and... I think he conducted a few seminars in psychopharmacology. That was it. I had no idea he'd ever set foot in Starliner Towers until today. I see. Then what brought you up here? -It was very strange. He called me at six this morning. Hobbes called me. I thought I was dreaming. I haven't heard that voice for so long. He told me who it was, then he said something like, 'Meet me at apartment 1208 at noon. I want you to go out for lunch with me. It's time you furthered your education.' Then he laughed and hung up. I went back to sleep. He called me again at eight to remind me to come. How did he sound this time? Was he nervous? Depressed? -How did he sound this time? Was he nervous? Depressed? He sounded fine. -And that was her. Annabelle Horse... field. Far as I know, yeah, that was her. -Is that the man who called you up here? Yeah, that's Dr. St. Luc. He's the head of our little medical clinic here. -Yeah, that's Dr. St. Luc. He's the head of our little medical clinic here. Medical clinic? -Medical clinic? Yeah. This is an island, you know? Takes too long to get into the city. We gotta have everything right here or somebody complains. -Yeah. This is an island, you know? Takes too long to get into the city. We gotta have everything right here or somebody complains. Well, let's go talk to your doctor. -Mrs. Ementhal's ready and waiting, Doctor. Mm? OK. Be with you in a sec. -OK, Roger. Here's the stuff you wanted. Files on Horsefield, Tudor, Swinburne, and Velakofsky. Papers published by Hobbes, Linsky, and Lefebvre in a couple of issues of the Bulletin of the Canadian Medical Association and also the Journal of the American Medical Association. And, as an added extra, a couple of odds and ends from the files I helped compile before your time here, Doctor. I thought they might interest you. That's great, Forsythe, great. Thanks. -That's great, Forsythe, great. Thanks. Do I get a kiss? -Kiss, kiss? Uh, OK. Sure. -Another kiss? C'mon, Forsythe. Are there any more on the list? -C'mon, Forsythe. Are there any more on the list? No. Dotty's the last. -Roger? If you're going to be staying here anyway, why don't you come up to my place for a late supper? Meeting Rollo at Tudor's. Might take a while. -Meeting Rollo at Tudor's. Might take a while. Doesn't matter to me how late it is. I can keep it warm. -Anything wrong? No. I don't think so. -No. I don't think so. Well? Supper at my place? -Well? Supper at my place? OK. But late. -OK. But late. Great! Go back to your files. Bye. -Forsythe, Forsythe! What's wrong? What's happened? A man... I think I recognized him... a man who lives here. He just... ...he just attacked me for no reason at all. I just opened the door... I was making supper for you, and he grabbed me, he tried to kiss me... -Where is he now? Do you know? I think I... I think I killed him. I stabbed him with something and he fell. -I think I... I think I killed him. I stabbed him with something and he fell. Will you be OK now? I've got to go to your place to see if he's still there. I've got to see if it's... if it's what we both think it is. -Will you be OK now? I've got to go to your place to see if he's still there. I've got to see if it's... if it's what we both think it is. Oh, no! You're not leaving me here all alone. I'm going with you. -But where are you going? Down to the incinerator. -Can I call you at the office? What do you want to call me at the office for? -What do you want to call me at the office for? I don't know. I just thought I might want to call you. I don't know. -I don't know. I just thought I might want to call you. I don't know. I won't be at the office except to sign in. I've got a lot of claims to check out. All over the place. Garages and more garages. I'll come home right after work. -You say something? Nope. Damned thing wriggled out of my hands. That's all. -Do you want to make love? You're absolutely beautiful, those eyes, that expression. You're absolutely the most sexy thing alive. Do you want to make love? Nick, you're so strange... -You will make love to me, won't you, Janine? Won't you make love to me? You start it. Won't you? I think I've forgotten how to start. Oh, Nick, Nick... I can't take this. -Oh, Nick, Nick... I can't take this. Please, Janine. Please, pleasepleaseplease, Janine Janine JanineJanineJanine... -Make love to me, make love to me, love, love to me... I want to be able to see us, Nick. I... I'm going to go into the bathroom now and put in my contacts, OK? Is that OK? I want to be able to see us when we make love, OK? -What happened? Please pardon me. I am Niccolo Spergazzi. I am a resident here. I don't know... we were walking in the hallway and... Cabiria... my wife... she was attacked by this thing... here, on her arm. -Where is this thing that attacked your wife? I hit it. I hit it with my cane. Then I carry it on the cane and I throw it down to the incinerator, down to the garbage. -Go back to their apartment with them and treat her for second-degree burns. It'll have to do for now. What's your number? The number of your apartment? We live in 703. -We live in 703. OK. I'll meet you back there. Don't leave until I get there. Lock the door and don't open it except for me. OK? -Yes? Who is there? It's Dr. St. Luc, Mr Spergazzi. Let me speak to the nurse, please. -It's Dr. St. Luc, Mr Spergazzi. Let me speak to the nurse, please. Oh, but the nurse, she went away. I think she must go to look for you. -Want me to breathe deeply? Just breathe normally. -Good shape for an old man, eh? Mr. Parkins, what makes you think you caught these lumps of yours from a young lady? -Mr. Parkins, what makes you think you caught these lumps of yours from a young lady? She had a couple just like them. Right here near her belly button. You could push 'em around. I thought they were kinda sexy, myself. -She had a couple just like them. Right here near her belly button. You could push 'em around. I thought they were kinda sexy, myself. Didn't she ever have these lumps looked at by a doctor? -Didn't she ever have these lumps looked at by a doctor? Didn't seem worried about them. -Didn't seem worried about them. Was this girl from Starliner Towers? -Was this girl from Starliner Towers? Yep. She lived in 1208. But we usually went to my place. Bigger liquor cabinet, bigger bed. She was gone when I got back from my last Florida trip. Too bad. Had a beautiful tan. Must have gone home to mother. -Yep. She lived in 1208. But we usually went to my place. Bigger liquor cabinet, bigger bed. She was gone when I got back from my last Florida trip. Too bad. Had a beautiful tan. Must have gone home to mother. Was her name Annabelle Horsefield? -Was her name Annabelle Horsefield? That's the one. -I'm going to send you to the hospital to have a few X-rays taken. I want to find out exactly what you're hiding in there, OK? Give them this. The address is right there under Radiology. Gonna cut me open? -Gonna cut me open? Well, let's wait for the X-rays. -Well, let's wait for the X-rays. Used to know a doctor who said he got to know his patients better than their wives did. Cutting a man open sure does expose more of him than pulling down his pants, gotta admit that. -Not exactly the kind of lunch Hobbes would have laid on you, Rog, but it's all I got, and... ...all I got I share with you. Go ahead. Take all you want. You touch my spleen, Rollo. And here all the time I was thinking -- if I ever bothered to think about the good old days -- well, at least there's Rollo. He's in VD and he's happy. -You touch my spleen, Rollo. And here all the time I was thinking -- if I ever bothered to think about the good old days -- well, at least there's Rollo. He's in VD and he's happy. I'm still a VD man under the skin, Rog. You know me. I'm a down-to-earth kinda guy, right? -I'm still a VD man under the skin, Rog. You know me. I'm a down-to-earth kinda guy, right? Well, at least you still talk the same. -Well, at least you still talk the same. So who changes? -So who changes? But you gave up your private practice. Suddenly you're into pure research and you... you're what, a parasitologist? -But you gave up your private practice. Suddenly you're into pure research and you... you're what, a parasitologist? That was my father's idea... private practice. He wanted to set me up -- I couldn't say no. But he's dead now. And me, I'm still a snoop, I gotta do research. Look at that beautiful stuff... ...lookit it! -I know. You're bored already. Transplants are yesterday's kishkas, right? Did I say anything? -Did I say anything? Look. You got men, you got parasites that live in, on, and around men. Now. Why not breed a parasite that does something useful? Eh? Why not breed a parasite capable of taking over the function of any one of a bunch of human organs? Why not, for example, a parasite living in the human abdominal cavity that plugs into the circulatory system and filters the blood like a kidney? If it takes a little blood for itself, so what? Be generous! You can afford it. -You put the bug into the body of a man with a diseased kidney, the bug attacks the bad kidney, dissolves it, it's assimilated by the body, and now you got a perfectly good parasite where you used to have a rotten kidney. I know what you're gonna say. You're gonna say it's crazy. It's crazy. -Right. It's crazy. But here's the beauty part. Ready? Who cares? I don't get it. -I don't get it. You know and I know that Hobbes was a lousy teacher, eh? Lousy. Dry, academic, afraid of women, lousy. But he was always a genius at one thing -- getting grants. Could he get grants for crazy projects? -Rog, I gotta talk serious to you. Really. Listen. Ya listening? OK. I want you to come into this with me. To tell the honest-to-God truth, I'm lonely. All Hobbes ever did was run around getting money and phone me in the middle of the night. He wanted you in anyway. That's why we were gonna get together, the three of us. We would have enough to keep us going for at least five years, even with inflation. Rollo, you know me. Once a GP, always a GP. -Rollo, you know me. Once a GP, always a GP. You want to help sick people for the rest of your life? God forbid I should talk you out of it. -You want to help sick people for the rest of your life? God forbid I should talk you out of it. You oughta be careful yourself. Might end up cutting your throat. -You oughta be careful yourself. Might end up cutting your throat. It was women did it to Hobbes. Couldn't handle them. That girl, that Annabelle -- talk about crazy projects. -It was women did it to Hobbes. Couldn't handle them. That girl, that Annabelle -- talk about crazy projects. Who was she? -Who was she? Aw, he met her when he was lecturing at some private girls' school. They caught him examining her little tits for breast cancer in the faculty lounge. She was twelve. Don't ask. It was craziness, believe me. They used to come here sometimes. Don't ask. -But you'll think about what I said about working together, huh? OK. I'll think about it. -Yes? That you, Rog? -That you, Rog? Yes? -Yes? It's me, Rollo Linsky. Remember me? -It's me, Rollo Linsky. Remember me? Rollo! How'sa boy? I was just thinking about you. -Yeah, well, I'm flattered, but you won't find any real meat in them. No? How come? -No? How come? Listen, Rog. I knew Hobbes was funny, you know? I told you that. But I didn't really know just how funny he was. See... when he kicked off, they sent all the personal secret stuff they found to his mother -- she's still alive but just barely -- and she sent everything she thought was medical to me here at the lab. I'm Hobbes's partner, right? Anyway, I've been going through his papers, and what they add up to is this: Hobbes was shafting us all, me, the university, the foundations and the councils, the private labs, everybody. We never really knew what it was we were working on. Hobbes gave us each a few crumbs, but he was the only one who knew what the whole loaf would look like. -OK, I bite. What does it look like? It looks like -- and I quote -- 'a disease to save man from his mind.' -It looks like -- and I quote -- 'a disease to save man from his mind.' I don't get it. -I don't get it. Lemme clarify for you. -He didn't make it. Huh? -Huh? Maybe Hobbes didn't know it, but Annabelle was a pretty popular girl around Starliner Towers. I've got three men here, maybe four, who're hosting large, free-moving, apparently pathogenic, abdominal growths that nobody I've tried can identify. You were next on my list. -Maybe Hobbes didn't know it, but Annabelle was a pretty popular girl around Starliner Towers. I've got three men here, maybe four, who're hosting large, free-moving, apparently pathogenic, abdominal growths that nobody I've tried can identify. You were next on my list. I'd kinda like to come over there and have a look at one of these guys. -I'd kinda like to come over there and have a look at one of these guys. I've got a date with one of them at ten. Can you make it? -I've got a date with one of them at ten. Can you make it? Yeah. Ah, I don't want to panic you or anything, but, I mean, the way Hobbes designed them, they're supposed to get out of hand real quick, so you don't have much time to think about what's happening to you. Once they decide to start pumping all those dynamite juices into the old blood stream... I dunno. But if you see some people doing kind of compulsive, maybe even bizarre sexual things... -Yeah. Ah, I don't want to panic you or anything, but, I mean, the way Hobbes designed them, they're supposed to get out of hand real quick, so you don't have much time to think about what's happening to you. Once they decide to start pumping all those dynamite juices into the old blood stream... I dunno. But if you see some people doing kind of compulsive, maybe even bizarre sexual things... Yeah? What do I do then? -Yeah? What do I do then? I dunno. Try tranquilizers. Once you can get at them, there's a lotta stuff you can use. I'll bring a bagful. It's just the standard tropical kit. But the trick is to get at them. -OK. It's apartment 1009, South Tower, Starliner Towers. May as well go there directly. OK, Rog. See you at ten. -NIGHT NIGHT NIGHT NIGHT -NIGHT NIGHT IT'S TIME FOR BYE-BYES IT'S BEEN A GREAT DAY THANKS A HEAP NOW IT'S TIME FOR EVERYONE TO GO TO SLEEP -GOT THE HOT FLUSH SYMPTOMS AND I'M FEELING FREAKY YOUNG MALE INTERN, TALL AND HANDSOME -YOUNG MALE INTERN, TALL AND HANDSOME GOT MY HEM SO HIGH THEY'LL SAY I'M BEING CHEEKY -GOT MY HEM SO HIGH THEY'LL SAY I'M BEING CHEEKY WITH LEGS LIKE MINE I'M REALLY MADE FOR DANCING -BREAKING OUT BREAKING OUT -BREAKING OUT BREAKING OUT -BREAKING OUT BREAKING OUT -BREAKING OUT BREAKING OUT -BREAKING OUT BREAKING OUT -You bet, Bert. Good! I'm gonna be there. -Later, Brenda. Ah, Bert, could you spare a moment? Of course. -How's Brad? A wreck. -A wreck. Check. The quacks are willing tools? -Check. The quacks are willing tools? Fools! -Fools! I wouldn't mind doing Janet one or two favours. -I wouldn't mind doing Janet one or two favours. Time to check with Flavors. -Sank you! Velcome! Sank you! What's cookin', Bert? -What's cookin', Bert? "I tell you what's cooking. She made the blind see and it was a gift! Who was it from? Let's hear an 'F"" for..." -They should be sent to the Danube before Dawn. What? -What? Nothing. Just...memories! -About Brad's family? As Janet's parents this should be really easy. Your last clue... Mental Instability. You have thirty seconds. -You got it! I got it! I got it!!! -I got it! I got it!!! Congratulations! It's 'Happy Homes' for Harry and Emily Weiss of Denton. -Infantile regression. You got it! -You got it! I got it! I got it!!! -Introduce yourselves. I'm Janet Majors and this is my husband Brad. -We've been hearing some bad things about you, Brad. He needs help. -I know, I know, it's just... Looks like 'Rest Home' for this marriage. -Do you watch 'Dentonvale,' Janet? I've caught it once or twice. -I've caught it once or twice. Of course! D.T.V.'s most popular Hospital series featuring those perennial favorites, Cosmo and Nation McKinley. Neuro-specialists par excellence ...if you'll pardon my French. I recommend you send Brad to them for treatment! -I know he's boring but... Neuro-specialists! That sounds pretty drastic. It's no use pussyfooting around, Janet -- we have to cut quick and deep. -Is it because I'm becoming too popular? On the contrary. He wants to see your ratings soar. He needs a woman of exceptional desirability. -Right! An early start with Janet's debut on 'Good Morning Denton.' By the time we unveil Farley's 'Faith Factory' we will have earned our beauty sleep. Can I just 'peep in' on Brad before I go home? -Can I just 'peep in' on Brad before I go home? Home? -When do I get to see Brad? After breakfast. You're sounding tense, Janet. Maybe I could give you a little massage? -But...how? WELL FIRST YOU GO RIP RIP RIP THEN YOU GO SNIP SNIP SNIP THEN YOU WHIP IN A ZIP ZIP ZIP AN' YOU SPLIT IT UP TO THE HIP HIP HIP AN' AS YOU STRIP STRIP STRIP YOU QUIVER AND SHIVER FOR THAT SOFT CARESS AS YOU SLIP SLIP SLIP...INTO THAT LITTLE BLACK DRESS -SIN-I-FUL LITTLE BLACK DRESS -Dear old Bert's settled everything. Jah -- you endorse his product -- He endorses your research. -How did you come by this scenario? I am in Farley's employ -- and... ...we're discussing a network deal. -I am in Farley's employ -- and... ...we're discussing a network deal. Why Janet? -Why Janet? Everyone loves the girl next door, particularly Farley. -Everyone loves the girl next door, particularly Farley. So it seems. -In my time they used to call me the Merlin of Berlin. They probably meant Irving and wanted you to swing. -Of course, Mrs. Majors -- Janet -- But I'm puzzled. If she was so keen on getting him in here, why wouldn't she sign the contract? No it wasn't Janet -- exactly -- It was, in fact, your new sponsor. -No it wasn't Janet -- exactly -- It was, in fact, your new sponsor. SPONSOR!!! -SPONSOR!!! Dentonvale has been sold. -Dentonvale has been sold. SOLD??!! -With Fast Food Farley at the helm it'll be TV dinners from now on. Farley is already a TV winner as we shall see. Dentonvile will run forever now that his interest has embraced mental hygiene. -We're the experts. Who trusts experts? -Out of self comes selflessness. Show yourself. The real you. The secret you. -In a way... I detect a note of reticence. Are you, perhaps, one of those amongst us who feel this emotive form of presentation is overly manipulative? -I detect a note of reticence. Are you, perhaps, one of those amongst us who feel this emotive form of presentation is overly manipulative? Well, Betty, there are many ways that the spider may catch the fly... -Thank you so much, Judge Wright, for another wonderful interview. Judge Wright? Now, Betty? First name terms, surely! -Judge Wright? Now, Betty? First name terms, surely! Oh, Oliver, you're so tolerant. Time for a coffee before you rush off? -Oh, Oliver, you're so tolerant. Time for a coffee before you rush off? Delighted, Betty -- That is if you don't mind being seen with an older man. -Delighted, Betty -- That is if you don't mind being seen with an older man. Why, Oliver, since Ralph and I separated maturity is something I look for in a man. -A free thinker. Everything's free there. -Macy Struthers -- God I must have been blind -- still, the weaker the man, the dumber the blonde. Isn't that Brad and Janet Majors sitting down front? What an ideal couple. -McKinley?...McKinley? Bert brought them over from Europe. They had a very popular series together. It's still rerun in a lot of countries. You must have seen them in 'Dentonvale?' -Conspiracy? That sounds a little farfetched. It's happened before. Remember Lieutenant Orpheus? He disappeared into that Underworld series and never came back. -It's happened before. Remember Lieutenant Orpheus? He disappeared into that Underworld series and never came back. Sounds like my husband. He never came back either. At least not after Flavors gave him a commercial break. -Sounds like my husband. He never came back either. At least not after Flavors gave him a commercial break. Ah yes. Farley Flavors. You know, I find it... -Conspiracy is right. The Denton Dossier is... ...closed? -I bet that Macy Struthers had a hand in this. We'll probably be replaced by an hour of fashion tips! Now Betty, don't overreact. -Now Betty, don't overreact. Overreact! You're the one with theories about conspirac... Oliver? -Overreact! You're the one with theories about conspirac... Oliver? Yes, Betty. -Yes, Betty. Are you spoken for this evening? -Clever of you to find this spot, Betty. It pays to know your way around, Oliver. -A 'stately pleasure home' indeed. Oh I adore Coleridge Taylor. As a matter of fact... -Look. Look at that. Bert Schnick can see. Why...he's...dancing. Yes. Macabre, isn't it. The blind leading the blind. -Did you /hear/ that, Oliver. Yes, Betty. But the false promise of a new dawn is usually followed by a most bloody sunset. -Care to indulge? Indulge? -Indulge? In a little masquerade? -Betty, it's imperative we get Janet out of Flavors' fast fingers and Brad out of that hell-hole before they both disappear forever. If only I could place that name -- McKinley? He was a President. -He was a President. President? Past Presidents! Betty, this is beginning to add up. -President? Past Presidents! Betty, this is beginning to add up. Really. What'll I pin this on? -Really. What'll I pin this on? Faith, Betty. But make sure it's your own. -SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR ENSLAVEMENT SOME PEOPLE DO IT ON THE PAVEMENT -Oh. Ah, I'm not calling at an inconvenient moment am I? Not at all. You have your life. And I have mine. -Not at all. You have your life. And I have mine. Yeah, well. Here, Betty. I just came to give you this. -I'll leave you young things to it. Shove it, Ralph! -Shove it, Ralph! You too, Betty! -Oh, Oliver. What are we going to do? No! I don't know what Janet's next move will be...but you can be sure of one thing...it all starts here! -That's us. I don't want to get up there. -I don't want to get up there. We've got to, Brad, everyone's watching. -I'm not going, Janet. What are you trying to do? Make Bert look like a fool? He's made all the arrangements. -What are you trying to do? Make Bert look like a fool? He's made all the arrangements. But I don't need treadment. -I'M LOOKING FOR LOVE I'M LOOKING FOR TRADE -SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR COMPASSION SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR THE FASHION -SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR THE FASHION SOME PEOPLE DO IT TO BE FUNNY -SOME PEOPLE DO IT TO BE FUNNY SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR THE MONEY -I'VE TOOK AS MUCH OF YOU AS ANY MAN CAN YOU'VE LOST YOUR HEART YOU'VE LOST YOUR CAUSE -YOU'VE LOST YOUR CAUSE YOU LOST YOUR BABY WHEN YOU LOST YOUR BALLS YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND, YOU'VE LOST YOUR GRIP SO SAY BYE-BYE -AN' YOU'RE A WEEPER AND A WAILER ALWAYS TREADING THE TOES OF THE GREAT GENERALLY SPREADING YOUR WEIGHT YOU'RE A SPITEFUL, HATEFUL ASININE CREATURE A PUPIL WITH NO SCRUPLES WHO KNEW BETTER THAN THE TEACHER I'VE TOOK AS MUCH OF YOU AS ANY MAN CAN -I'VE TOOK AS MUCH OF YOU AS ANY MAN CAN YOU'VE LOST YOUR HEART -YOU'VE LOST YOUR HEART YOU'VE LOST YOUR CAUSE -YOU'VE LOST YOUR CAUSE YOU LOST YOUR BABY WHEN YOU LOST YOUR BALLS YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND, YOU'VE LOST YOUR GRIP SO SAY BYE-BYE -SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR EACH OTHER SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR THEIR LOVERS -SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR THEIR LOVERS SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR IMPROVEMENT -SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR IMPROVEMENT SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR MOVEMENT -SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR MOVEMENT SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR ENJOYMENT -SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR ENJOYMENT SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR EMPLOYMENT -YOU'LL FIND A RAMBLING ROSE AND A PICKET FENCE TENDERNESS AND INNOCENCE IN DENTON` -Mental instability? He was adopted you know. -He was adopted you know. I'd forgotten. -I'd forgotten. Well I hadn't. I was worried about inherited craziness when they married. I said to Janet 'What do we know of his parents?' -What are you talking about? Danny Slepstrini is a chip off the old block. I played 18 holes of golf with his father just last week. And Hank says Danny's moved to New York. To better himself. He moved all right! When they found him with fifteen other naked men at the back of Wilson's Bakery. -Oh, Harry. What are we going to do? Well...maybe I could wear my black leather brogues? -Well...maybe I could wear my black leather brogues? Too flashy...they'll clash with the new outfits. -LIKE A VIRGIN WITH AN' URGIN' IN A SURGERY I'LL BE SWINGING -- I'LL BE BRINGING OUT THE NURSE IN ME THE ART WILL START WHEN I PLAY MY PART AS THE HEALER WHO WILL STEAL YOUR HEART -Mr. Flavors -- may I have a moment of your time? Sure thing. -Sure thing. We've heard rumors that you're going to unveil more than just a new series tonight. Is this true? -We've heard rumors that you're going to unveil more than just a new series tonight. Is this true? Absolutely correct. -Absolutely correct. Could you tell us a little about it? -Could you tell us a little about it? Let's just say that I'm putting sanity back on the national menu. -Let's just say that I'm putting sanity back on the national menu. And how does *'local girl'* Janet Majors fit into the scheme of things? -Could I do that later? Of course. -But they only think they're happy. That doesn't make sense. -I won't be a party to this. I want to see Brad. The question is, does Brad want to see you? Quite frankly, he hates you. -The question is, does Brad want to see you? Quite frankly, he hates you. What do you mean? -It's only one night, Janet. Let's not forget who we're doing this for? Who? -Brad! Oh, Brad. He's a lame dog, remember? But even he wouldn't want to see you like this. -Oh my poor baby. Oh. Mom. It's Brad. -Oh. Mom. It's Brad. I know. -They call it a new look at an old favourite I copied it from the 'Window on the World' show. The Far East meets the Mid-West! It's... -It's... Just what the Doctor ordered. I know. Come on in, my favourite show's just started. -Just what the Doctor ordered. I know. Come on in, my favourite show's just started. What show? -Poor Brad. Thank God he was born an orphan. It would have killed his parents. -You shouldn't have said that. Why? -Why? Your father doesn't like Mexicans. -I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am. Janet! Where's that lovely dress I made you? -Janet! Where's that lovely dress I made you? Oh, Mac ran up this little crowd-pleaser. -Oh, Mac ran up this little crowd-pleaser. You're practically naked! -You're practically naked! I can't wear anything under it. That would spoil the line. -Hey! What are you trying to do? Get yourself committed? I'm sorry, Officer. -I'm sorry, Officer. Vance! Vance Parker. -Vance! Vance Parker. Janet. Janet Majors. It's just that Brad...my husband...is not... very well and... I don't want to miss the next episode of Dentonvale. -Janet. Janet Majors. It's just that Brad...my husband...is not... very well and... I don't want to miss the next episode of Dentonvale. Dentonvale...say, that's for... I'm sorry to hear that, Janet. Look I'm going to let you through, but keep it to yourself, otherwise... -Dentonvale...say, that's for... I'm sorry to hear that, Janet. Look I'm going to let you through, but keep it to yourself, otherwise... Thanks Officer Park...Vance. -Thanks Officer Park...Vance. Don't worry, Janet. Brad'll probably get just what he needs. -BUT WITHOUT YOU AND ME, SIS THE WORLD'D FALL TO PIECES VENA CAVA WHO'S THE RAVER? OUR RAVING SAVIOUR THAT'S YOU!! -I NEED SOME YOUNG BLOOD -YOUNG BLOOD I NEED SOME -I NEED SOME YOUNG BLOOD -YOUNG BLOOD I NEED IT NOW I NEED SOME -I NEED IT NOW I NEED SOME YOUNG BLOOD -YOUNG BLOOD I NEED SOME -I NEED SOME YOUNG BLOOD -No! He's never done that before. Good! Well there's still hope. Lots of hope. -Just one or two details. Does he have any living relatives? Blood relatives? No...couldn't I do this later? -I'm...happy. There are countless people in this world who believe they're happy. -Brad has deep feelings of hostility towards you. Me? -Me? It's classical. Almost a textbook case... -I want to see Brad. I understand your concern, but I feel it's time you started thinking of yourself. Look at yourself. -Is it true they're all midgets with big heads? Absolutely true. Compared to all of them, you are perfection, flawless beauty. -You are the most desirable creature that ever walked. If only Brad could have found it within his heart to say these things to me. -If only Brad could have found it within his heart to say these things to me. He will. But it's up to you to reawaken his feelings. You've got to be fabulous, look, think and appear fabulous. And Farley's given you that chance. You can use the Breakfast Show to knock Denton dead. -He will. But it's up to you to reawaken his feelings. You've got to be fabulous, look, think and appear fabulous. And Farley's given you that chance. You can use the Breakfast Show to knock Denton dead. Do you really think so? -Do you really think so? You've got a really tight team around you. And everybody needs you! -You've got a really tight team around you. And everybody needs you! But what'll I do? What'll I say? What'll I wear? -But what'll I do? What'll I say? What'll I wear? EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE BOY DRESSING UP HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY GREATEST JOY BUT WHEN IT'S TIME TO BE DISCREET THERE'S ONE THING YOU JUST CAN'T BEAT THAT'S A STRAPLESS, BACKLESS CLASSICAL LITTLE BLACK -. . .For his own good. Of course. He was in great danger of harming himself. -Brad! I'm sick of hearing about that lame dog. I've got a lot going for me. I'm going places. I'm going to be someone. I'm gonna win my way into the lives and hearts of people even if I have to kill to do it. I'll make the pathetic little crumbs love me. I don't even know why I'm wasting my time here with you. I should be with my people... -BRAD! Arrest that man! He's committed to our care. -Arrest that man! He's committed to our care. I never signed the contract. He's not going anywhere. -Let's hear the five 'F's' for today. F for... Farley! -Farley! F for... -F for... Flavors! -Flavors! F for... -F for... Fabulous! -Fabulous! F for... -F for... Fast! -Fast! F for... -F for... Foods! -Ah. Mr. And Mrs. Majors. How wonderful to see you. I am Dr. Cosmo McKinley and this is my sister, and colleague, Nation McKinley. We understand you've been going through a rather trying time. -Our speciality. I can't wait to begin on him. Really, Bert, I don't know what we'd do without you! -HE!!?? How dare this person take advantage of my weakness. I don't think he intends to go that far. -Our field. What does he know about it? -It's you we're concerned about, Janet. Yes how are you, Janet? Are you happy? -That's an extremely negative response. Yes, Janet. Leave the crying to Brad. -This is the nerve center of operations, Janet. You must stay here tonight. That way we can all be here when Mr. Sun paints us a new day with his golden brush. And you can 'peep in' on Brad in the morning. -I FEEL THE HEAT FROM YOUR SKIN AND THE STUBBLE ON YOUR CHIN YOU'RE NO GOOD YOU'RE NO GOOD -YOU'VE GOT DIRT ON YOUR HANDS AND EVERYBODY UNDERSTANDS YOU'RE NO GOOD YOU'RE NO GOOD -WHAT A JOKE... WHAT A JOKE... -WHAT A JOKE... YOU FEL LIKE CHOKING YOU PLAY FOR BROKE... -YOU FEL LIKE CHOKING YOU PLAY FOR BROKE... YOU PLAY FOR BROKE... -YOU PLAY FOR BROKE... HE LEAVES YOU SMOKING... -HE LEAVES YOU SMOKING... OH ROMANCE IS NOT A CHILDREN'S GAME... -OH ROMANCE IS NOT A CHILDREN'S GAME... YOU KEEP GOING BACK IT'S DRIVING YOU INSANE -THAT MINIMAL CRIMINAL -CRIMINAL SIN-I-FUL -This could be worse than the old series. In the old series we didn't have a convertible. -Hi! Macy Struthers -- co-host on the F. F. show. Ah, Macy. Why don't you help Janet freshen up before rehearsal. -Ah, Macy. Why don't you help Janet freshen up before rehearsal. Surely. -So all in all it's going to be an exciting new series for us... ...and an attractive financial prospect for Denton. -THIS COULD BE THE START OF A WHOLE NEW CAREER HERE LIKE A DEEP PLUM LIPSTICK AND SOME THERAPEUTICS -LIKE A DEEP PLUM LIPSTICK AND SOME THERAPEUTICS THIS COULD TAKE US TO A TOWN THAT'S NOWHERE NEAR HERE -And none of them worked? No. -And we also know how you feel, we're not strangers to confusion. We're not confused. -Isn't she lovely? Mommy and Daddy love you, Baby. -Mommy and Daddy love you, Baby. She walks in beauty... -She walks in beauty... We love you, Baby. -We love you, Baby. We all love Janet...Who do we love? -Nice technique there... ...Cammi. It's all in the wrist. You know, you look really familiar. You from around here? Where'd you go to high school? -It's all in the wrist. You know, you look really familiar. You from around here? Where'd you go to high school? No, we're from San Diego. Why? -No, we're from San Diego. Why? I don't know. You just seem really familiar to me. Never mind. Enjoy your meals. -I don't know. You just seem really familiar to me. Never mind. Enjoy your meals. Hang on. Did you ever know a Derek Sommersby? -Hang on. Did you ever know a Derek Sommersby? "Doctor Derek Sommersby? You mean from ""One Life to Live""?" -You don't think I fuck you, bitch? I'll fuck you. I'm a bad girl. I'm a bad girl. -You picked him up and you fucked him, didn't you, bitch? I picked him up and I fucked him. I'm a bad girl. -I picked him up and I fucked him. I'm a bad girl. And you liked fucking him, didn't you, you fat little whore? -And you liked fucking him, didn't you, you fat little whore? I liked it when you caught me fucking him. -The fuck was that? The wallet! He took Derek's wallet! -Don't bother him with that. We got to get going. It'll just take a second. -It's Christine. Hey you. You guys having fun? -Yeah. All twenty minutes so far have been a blast. Good. That's good. -So what's up? Just seeing how you're doing. And, um, Mom and I were starting to look over the seating charts again, and we're wondering if you wanted Tony Levin to sit next to the Feldmans, or should he be at one of the singles tables? -Really? Because I don't know, I was thinking that -- Well, then put him at the singles table. -Well, then put him at the singles table. The problem with that is that then there's one extra -- -The problem with that is that then there's one extra -- Then put him with the Feldmans. Whatever you and your Mom decide is fine with me. -Then put him with the Feldmans. Whatever you and your Mom decide is fine with me. Don't dismiss me. I'm trying to include you in this decision. He's your friend. -Don't dismiss me. I'm trying to include you in this decision. He's your friend. I didn't dismiss you. I told you what I thought, but it didn't seem to matter, so you decide. Besides, this is supposed to be my time with Miles. I hope you're not going to call every five minutes. -I didn't dismiss you. I told you what I thought, but it didn't seem to matter, so you decide. Besides, this is supposed to be my time with Miles. I hope you're not going to call every five minutes. I'm not going to call every five minutes, but this is important. -I'm not going to call every five minutes, but this is important. Honey, I'm just saying you know I need a little space before the wedding. Isn't that the point of this? Isn't that what we talked about with Dr. Gertler? -Why are you being so defensive? I don't know, Christine. Perhaps it's because I feel attacked. -I don't know, Christine. Perhaps it's because I feel attacked. I ask you one simple question, and suddenly I'm attacking you. -I ask you one simple question, and suddenly I'm attacking you. Listen. I'll call you when we get there, and we can talk about it then, okay? -Listen. I'll call you when we get there, and we can talk about it then, okay? Bye. -Bye. I love you. -I love you. Bye. -Miles. Hey, Evelyn, it's your favorite client. -Hey, Evelyn, it's your favorite client. How's the trip? -How's the trip? Good, good. Drinking some good wines and kicking back, you know. So what's happening? Still no word? -Good, good. Drinking some good wines and kicking back, you know. So what's happening? Still no word? Actually there is word. I spoke to Keith Kurtzman this morning. -Actually there is word. I spoke to Keith Kurtzman this morning. And? -And? And... they're passing. Conundrum's passing. He said they really liked it. They really wanted to do it, but they just couldn't figure out how to market it. He said it was a tough call. -And... they're passing. Conundrum's passing. He said they really liked it. They really wanted to do it, but they just couldn't figure out how to market it. He said it was a tough call. Huh. -Huh. I'm sorry, Miles. So I don't know where that leaves us. I'm not sure how much more mileage I can get out of continuing to submit it. I think it's one of those unfortunate cases in the business right now -- a fabulous book with no home. The whole industry's gotten gutless. It's not about the quality of the books. It's about the marketing. -Are you there? Miles? Yeah, I'm here. -Yeah, I'm here. I'm sorry, Miles. We did all we could. You've been a real trooper. Tell him I'll call back. -I'm sorry, Miles. We did all we could. You've been a real trooper. Tell him I'll call back. So I guess that's it. -So I guess that's it. You're a wonderful writer, Miles. Don't be discouraged. -Hey, Miles. Long time no see. Gary. -Gary. When's that novel of yours coming out? We all want to read it. -When's that novel of yours coming out? We all want to read it. Soon, soon. Say, this is my buddy Jack. He's getting married next week. -Soon, soon. Say, this is my buddy Jack. He's getting married next week. My condolences. -My condolences. What are you pouring tonight? -What are you pouring tonight? Lot of good stuff. Got the new Bien Nacido. Want a taste? -Lot of good stuff. Got the new Bien Nacido. Want a taste? Absolutement. They have their own label that's just outstanding. -What do you think? Tight as a nun's asshole but qood concentration. Nice fruit. -How's it hanging, Miles? You know me. I love it up here. How about you? -You know me. I love it up here. How about you? Busy night for a Tuesday. We had a busload of retired folks in on a wine tour. Usually they're not too rowdy, but tonight there was something going on. Full moon or something. What can I get you? -Busy night for a Tuesday. We had a busload of retired folks in on a wine tour. Usually they're not too rowdy, but tonight there was something going on. Full moon or something. What can I get you? Highliner. -Highliner. Glass or bottle? -Glass or bottle? Bottle. -Bottle. You got it. -You got it. Say, is Maya working? -Say, is Maya working? Maya? Haven't seen her. I think she's off tonight. Say, where's your buddy? -You okay, Miles? I'm good. -They're from both of us. A famous actor bringing me flowers on my birthday. Don't I feel special? -Jeez, Mrs. Raymond, that was eleven years ago. Well, you were wonderful on that show. I never understood why they had to give you that brain tumor so soon. Why that didn't make you the biggest movie star in the world is a sin. It's a sin. -Well, you were wonderful on that show. I never understood why they had to give you that brain tumor so soon. Why that didn't make you the biggest movie star in the world is a sin. It's a sin. Yeah, well, you should be my agent. -Yeah, well, you should be my agent. If I was, I would sing your praises up and down the street until they put me in the loony bin. Now Miles, why didn't you tell me you were coming and bringing this handsome man? Look how I'm dressed. I've got to run and put my face on. -If I was, I would sing your praises up and down the street until they put me in the loony bin. Now Miles, why didn't you tell me you were coming and bringing this handsome man? Look how I'm dressed. I've got to run and put my face on. You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond. -You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond. Oh, stop it. Make yourselves comfortable. You boys hungry? -Mrs. Raymond, this is delicious. Absolutely delicious. They're just leftovers. -They're just leftovers. Is it chicken? -Is it chicken? I could have made something fancier if a certain someone had let me know that a certain someone was coming for a visit with a certain special friend. Could have made a pork roast. -And what was that other one you did, the one where you're the jogger? Oh, that was for, uh, wait... That was for Spray and Wash. -Oh, that was for, uh, wait... That was for Spray and Wash. Spray and Wash. That's the one. -Spray and Wash. That's the one. Yeah, I remember the girl who was in it with me. She was something. -Yeah, I remember the girl who was in it with me. She was something. I just remember you jogging. So when's the wedding? -Two years ago, buddy. You should get back together with Victoria. She was good for you. -She was good for you. And so beautiful and intelligent. You knew her, right? Oh, yeah. Real well. Still do. -Oh, yeah. Real well. Still do. I'm worried about you, Miles. Do you need some money? -Hey, guys. How's it going? Excellent. My friend and I are up here doing the wine tour, and he tells me that you folks make one hell of a Syrah. -Excellent. My friend and I are up here doing the wine tour, and he tells me that you folks make one hell of a Syrah. That's what people say. -Now there's a girl who knows how to pour. What's your name? Stephanie. -Stephanie. Nice. -Tastes good to me. You live around here, Stephanie? In Santa Ynez. And I agree with you about Cab Franc. -In Santa Ynez. And I agree with you about Cab Franc. Oh yeah? We're just over in Buellton. Windmill Inn. -Oh yeah? We're just over in Buellton. Windmill Inn. Oh yeah. -Oh yeah. You know a gal named Maya? Works at the Hitching Post? -You know a gal named Maya? Works at the Hitching Post? Sure I know Maya. Real well. -Sure I know Maya. Real well. No shit. We just had a drink with her last night. Miles knows her. -You're a bad, bad girl, Stephanie. I know. I might need to be spanked. -How you doin' tonight, beautiful? Good. How're you? -Good. How're you? Great. You look great. You both do. -Great. You look great. You both do. Not so bad yourself. -I'm thinking about the duck breast. Me too. -What happened to you guys? Couple of wrong turns. Thanks to Magellan, here. -Hi. Hi. Maya's in the kitchen. -I can explain. You said you loved me! You fuck! I hope you die! -Hiya. Hi. Well, nice to see you guys here. Bye, Miles. -Highliner, please. That's on us. -Are you a writer too? No, I'm an actor. -No, I'm an actor. Oh yeah? What kind of stuff? -Oh yeah? What kind of stuff? A lot of TV. I was a regular on a couple of series. And lately I've been doing a lot of commercials. National mostly. -A lot of TV. I was a regular on a couple of series. And lately I've been doing a lot of commercials. National mostly. Anything I'd know? -Anything I'd know? Maybe. Recognize this? -That's hilarious. You sound just like one of those guys. I am one of those guys. -I am one of those guys. You are not. -Whatever you girls want. It's on us tonight. Sky's the limit. No, we're paying for the wine. -No, we're paying for the wine. I don't think so. We're celebrating Miles's book deal. -I don't think so. We're celebrating Miles's book deal. Well, in that case... -Where the fuck were you, man? I was dying in there. We were supposed to be a hundred miles away by now. I can't help the traffic. -I can't help the traffic. Come on. You're fucking hungover. -Come on. You're fucking hungover. Okay, there was a tasting last night. But I wanted to get us some stuff for the ride up. Check out the box. -Why did you tell them my book was being published? You said you had it all lined up. -You said you had it all lined up. No, I didn't. What I said was that my agent had heard there was some interest at Conundrum... -No, I didn't. What I said was that my agent had heard there was some interest at Conundrum... Yeah, Conundrum. -Yeah, Conundrum. ...and that one of the editors was passing it up to a senior editor. She was supposed to hear something this week, but now it's next week, and... It's always like this. It's always a fucking waiting game. I've been through it too many times already. -...and that one of the editors was passing it up to a senior editor. She was supposed to hear something this week, but now it's next week, and... It's always like this. It's always a fucking waiting game. I've been through it too many times already. I don't know. Senior editor? Sounds like you're in to me. -I don't know. Senior editor? Sounds like you're in to me. It's a long shot, all right? And Conundrum is just a small specialty press anyway. I'm not getting my hopes up. I've stopped caring. That's it. I've stopped caring. -Don't open that now. It's warm. Come on, we're celebrating. I say we pop it. -Come on, we're celebrating. I say we pop it. That's a 1992 Byron. It's really rare. Don't open it now. I've been saving it! -Shut up. Here's to a great week. Yes. Absolutely. Despite your crass behavior, I'm really glad we're finally getting this time together. -Yes. Absolutely. Despite your crass behavior, I'm really glad we're finally getting this time together. Yeah. -Yeah. You know how long I've been begging to take you on the wine tour. I was beginning to think it was never going to happen. -Oh, that's tasty. 100% Pinot Noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it anymore. -100% Pinot Noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it anymore. Pinot Noir? How come it's white? Doesn't noir mean dark? -Pinot Noir? How come it's white? Doesn't noir mean dark? Jesus. Don't ask questions like that up in the wine country. They'll think you're a moron. -Jesus. Don't ask questions like that up in the wine country. They'll think you're a moron. Just tell me. -Just tell me. Color in the red wines comes from the skins. This juice is free run, so there's no skin contact in the fermentation, ergo no color. -Color in the red wines comes from the skins. This juice is free run, so there's no skin contact in the fermentation, ergo no color. Sure is tasty. -Did you read the latest draft, by the way? Oh, yeah. Yeah. -Oh, yeah. Yeah. And? -And? I liked it a lot. A lot of improvements. It just seemed overall, I don't know, tighter, more... congealed or something. -I liked it a lot. A lot of improvements. It just seemed overall, I don't know, tighter, more... congealed or something. How about the new ending? Did you like that? -How about the new ending? Did you like that? Oh yeah. Much better. -Oh yeah. Much better. There is no new ending. Page 750 on is exactly the same. -There is no new ending. Page 750 on is exactly the same. Well, then I guess it must have felt new because everything leading up to it was so different. -Whoa, why are we getting off? I've just got to make one quick stop. Won't take a second. -I've just got to make one quick stop. Won't take a second. What? -What? I thought we could just say a quick hello to my mother. -I thought we could just say a quick hello to my mother. Your mother? Jesus, Miles, we were supposed to be up there hours ago. -Your mother? Jesus, Miles, we were supposed to be up there hours ago. It's her birthday tomorrow. And I don't feel right driving by her house and not stopping in, okay? It'll just take a second. She's right off the freeway. -How old's she going to be? Um... seventy... something. -Um... seventy... something. That's a good age. -Let me show you something. The secret to opening champagne is that once the cork is released, you keep pressure on it so you don't -- Just a second. Guy's going for $2500. -This Saturday, Mom, remember? We told you. And Miles is my best man, Mrs. Raymond. My main man. -Fuck, man. Too early in the morning for that, you know what I mean? She's a kid, Jack. I don't even look at that stuff anymore. -She's a kid, Jack. I don't even look at that stuff anymore. That's your problem, Miles. -That's your problem, Miles. As if she'd even be attracted to guys like us in the first place. -As if she'd even be attracted to guys like us in the first place. Speak for yourself. I get chicks looking at me all the time. All ages. -Speak for yourself. I get chicks looking at me all the time. All ages. It's not worth it. You pay too big a price. It's never free. -It'd be the best thing for you. You know what? I'm going to get you laid this week. That's going to be my best man gift to you. I'm not going to give you a pen knife or a gift certificate or any of that other horseshit. I'd rather have a knife. -I'd rather have a knife. No. No. You've been officially depressed for like two years now, and you were always a negative guy anyway, even in college. Now it's worse -- you're wasting away. Teaching English to fucking eighth-graders when they should be reading what you wrote. Your books. -No. No. You've been officially depressed for like two years now, and you were always a negative guy anyway, even in college. Now it's worse -- you're wasting away. Teaching English to fucking eighth-graders when they should be reading what you wrote. Your books. I'm working on it. -You still seeing that shrink? I went on Monday. But I spent most of the time helping him with his computer. -I went on Monday. But I spent most of the time helping him with his computer. Well, I say fuck therapy and what's that stuff you take, Xanax? -Well, I say fuck therapy and what's that stuff you take, Xanax? And Lexapro, yes. -And Lexapro, yes. Well, I say fuck that. You need to get your joint worked on, that's what you need. -Well, I say fuck that. You need to get your joint worked on, that's what you need. Jack. This week is not about me. It's about you. I'm going to show you a good time. We're going to drink a lot of good wine, play some golf, eat some great food, enjoy the scenery and send you off in style. -Jack. This week is not about me. It's about you. I'm going to show you a good time. We're going to drink a lot of good wine, play some golf, eat some great food, enjoy the scenery and send you off in style. And get your bone smooched. -You know what? Let's take the Santa Rosa turnoff and hit Sanford first. Whatever's closest, man. I need a glass. -Whatever's closest, man. I need a glass. These guys make top-notch Pinot and Chardonnay. One of the best producers in Santa Barbara county. Look how beautiful this view is. What a day! -These guys make top-notch Pinot and Chardonnay. One of the best producers in Santa Barbara county. Look how beautiful this view is. What a day! I thought you hated Chardonnay. -I thought you hated Chardonnay. I like all varietals. I just don't generally like the way they manipulate Chardonnay in California -- too much oak and secondary malolactic fermentation. -Hey, Miles. I really hope your novel sells. Thanks, Jack. So do I. Here we are. -So what'd you guys finally decide on for the menu? I told you. Filet and salmon. -I told you. Filet and salmon. Yeah, but how are they making the salmon? Poached with a yogurt-dill sauce? Teriyaki? Curry? -Yeah, but how are they making the salmon? Poached with a yogurt-dill sauce? Teriyaki? Curry? I don't know. Salmon. Don't you always have white wine with fish? -I don't know. Salmon. Don't you always have white wine with fish? Oh, Jesus. Look, at some point we have to find out because it's going to make a big difference. -Oh, Jesus. Look, at some point we have to find out because it's going to make a big difference. Let me call Christine. -Let me call Christine. Doesn't have to be now. Let's go taste. -Doesn't have to be now. Let's go taste. I owe her a call anyway. -Baked with a butter-lime glaze. Now we're talking. -This is rose, right? Good, yeah, it is a rose. Only this one is rather atypically made from 100% Pinot Noir. -Good, yeah, it is a rose. Only this one is rather atypically made from 100% Pinot Noir. Pinot noir? Not again! You know, not all Pinots are noir. -First take your glass and examine the wine against the light. You're looking at color and clarity. What color is it supposed to be? -What color is it supposed to be? Depends on the varietal. Just get a sense of it. Thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? Inky? Amber, whatever... -Depends on the varietal. Just get a sense of it. Thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? Inky? Amber, whatever... Huh. -Huh. Now tip it. What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins toward the rim. Tells you how old it is, among other things, usually more important with reds. This is a very young wine, so it's going to retain its color pretty solidly. Now stick your nose in it. -What do you smell? I don't know. Wine? Fermented grapes? -Huh. Maybe a little strawberry. Yeah, strawberry. I'm not so sure about the cheese. Now set your glass down and get some air into it. -That's what you do with every one. When do we get to drink it? -When do we get to drink it? Now. -How would you rate this one? Usually they start you on the wines with learning disabilities, but this one's pretty damn good. This is the new one, right, Chris? -You know, you could work in a wine store. Yeah, that would be a good move. -Are you chewing gum? Want some? -Hey Jack, hurry up! Just a minute! -I thought you said it was close. Now I'm all pitted out. It's not even a mile. -It's not even a mile. We should have driven. -We should have driven. Not with the wine list these people have. We don't want to hold back. -Not with the wine list these people have. We don't want to hold back. You think I'm making a mistake marrying Christine? -You think I'm making a mistake marrying Christine? Whoa. -Whoa. Come on, do you think I'm doing the right thing? Tell the truth. You've been through it. -Come on, do you think I'm doing the right thing? Tell the truth. You've been through it. Well, you waited for good reason, and you proposed to Christine for some good reason. So I think it's great. It's time. You've got to have your eyes open, that's all. I mean, look at me. I thought Victoria and I were set for life. -Well, you waited for good reason, and you proposed to Christine for some good reason. So I think it's great. It's time. You've got to have your eyes open, that's all. I mean, look at me. I thought Victoria and I were set for life. Christine's dad -- he's been talking about bringing me into his property business. Showing me the ropes. And that's something, considering how long it took him to get over I'm not Armenian. So I'm thinking about it. But I don't know, might get a little incestuous. But Mike does pretty well. A lot of high-end commercial stuff. -Christine's dad -- he's been talking about bringing me into his property business. Showing me the ropes. And that's something, considering how long it took him to get over I'm not Armenian. So I'm thinking about it. But I don't know, might get a little incestuous. But Mike does pretty well. A lot of high-end commercial stuff. So you're going to stop acting? -So you're going to stop acting? No way. This would just provide some stability is what I'm saying. I can always squeeze in an audition or a commercial here and there, you know, keep myself in the game in case something big comes along. -No way. This would just provide some stability is what I'm saying. I can always squeeze in an audition or a commercial here and there, you know, keep myself in the game in case something big comes along. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. We're not getting any younger, right? And my career, well, it's gotten pretty, you know, frustrating. Even with my new manager. Maybe it's time to settle down. -We're not getting any younger, right? And my career, well, it's gotten pretty, you know, frustrating. Even with my new manager. Maybe it's time to settle down. If that's what feels right. -If that's what feels right. It does. Feels right. -It does. Feels right. Then it's a good thing. -Then it's a good thing. Yeah. It's good. Feels good. -Yeah. Tight. Pour us a couple. -Here's to my last week of freedom. It's going to be great. Here's to us. -Oh, yeah. That's Maya. You know her? -You know her? Sure I know Maya. -Sure I know Maya. You know that chick? -You know that chick? Jack, this is where I eat when I come up here. It's practically my office. And sometimes I have a drink with the employees. Maya's great. She's worked here about a year, maybe a year and a half. -Jack, this is where I eat when I come up here. It's practically my office. And sometimes I have a drink with the employees. Maya's great. She's worked here about a year, maybe a year and a half. She is very hot. -She is very hot. And very nice. And very married. Check out the rock. -Doesn't mean shit. When Christine was a hostess at Sushi Roku, she wore a big engagement ring to keep guys from hitting on her. Think it worked? Fuck no. How do you think I met her? This gal's married to I think a Philosophy professor at UC Santa Barbara. -This gal's married to I think a Philosophy professor at UC Santa Barbara. So what's a professor's wife doing waitressing? Obviously that's over. -So what's a professor's wife doing waitressing? Obviously that's over. You don't know anything about this woman. Calm down. Let's just eat, okay? The duck is excellent and pairs nicely with the Highliner Pinot. -Jesus, she's jammin'. And she likes you. What else do you know about her? Well, she does know a lot about wine. -Well, she does know a lot about wine. Ooooooohh. Now we're getting somewhere. -Ooooooohh. Now we're getting somewhere. And she likes Pinot. -And she likes Pinot. Perfect. -Perfect. Jack, she's a fucking waitress in Buellton. How would that ever work? -Jack, she's a fucking waitress in Buellton. How would that ever work? Why do you always focus on the negative? Didn't you see how friendly she was to you? -Why do you always focus on the negative? Didn't you see how friendly she was to you? She works for tips! -She works for tips! You're blind, dude. Blind. -The girl is looking to party, and you tell her we're going to go back to our motel room and crash? Jesus, Miles! Well, I'm tired. Aren't you tired? -Well, I'm tired. Aren't you tired? The chick digs you. She lit up like a pinball machine when she heard your novel was getting published. -The chick digs you. She lit up like a pinball machine when she heard your novel was getting published. Now I've got another lie to live down. Thanks, Jack. -Now I've got another lie to live down. Thanks, Jack. I'm trying to get you some action, but you've got to help me out just a little bit. -I'm trying to get you some action, but you've got to help me out just a little bit. Didn't seem to me like that's what was going on. You were all over her. -Didn't seem to me like that's what was going on. You were all over her. Somebody had to do the talking. And by the way, I was right. She's not married. -Somebody had to do the talking. And by the way, I was right. She's not married. How do you know? -How do you know? No rock. When she came to the bar, sans rock. -Single. Waitress. Getting off work. Looking for love. A little slap and tickle. Shut up. -Shut up. She probably went home, lit some candles, put on some relaxing music, took a nice hot bath, and laid down on her bed with her favorite vibrator. -Have you no shame? Oooh. Oh. Miles. Miles. -Oooh. Oh. Miles. Miles. Fuck you. -"So what're we going to have? Pigs in a blanket? The ""rancher's special breakfast""? Or maybe just some grease and fat with a side of lard?" So what's the plan today? -So what's the plan today? We head north, begin the grape tour up there, make our way south so the more we drink the closer we get to the motel. -I am going to get my nut on this trip, Miles. And you are not going to fuck it up for me with all your depression and anxiety and neg-head downer shit. Ooooh, now the cards are on the table. -Ooooh, now the cards are on the table. Yes they are. And I'm serious. Do not fuck with me. I am going to get laid before I settle down on Saturday. Do you read me? -Yes they are. And I'm serious. Do not fuck with me. I am going to get laid before I settle down on Saturday. Do you read me? Sure, big guy. Whatever you say. It's your party. I'm sorry I'm in the way and dragging you down. Maybe you'd have a better time on your own. You take the car. I'll catch the train back. -Sure, big guy. Whatever you say. It's your party. I'm sorry I'm in the way and dragging you down. Maybe you'd have a better time on your own. You take the car. I'll catch the train back. No, see, I want both of us to get crazy. We should both be cutting loose. I mean, this is our last chance. This is our week! It should be something we share. -Nice, huh? Beautiful. -Beautiful. Victoria and I used to like this view. Once we had a picnic here and drank a '95 Opus One. With smoked salmon and artichokes, but we didn't care. -Victoria and I used to like this view. Once we had a picnic here and drank a '95 Opus One. With smoked salmon and artichokes, but we didn't care. Miles. -Miles. She has the best palate of any woman I've ever known. She could even differentiate Italian wines. -She has the best palate of any woman I've ever known. She could even differentiate Italian wines. Miles, I gotta tell you something. Victoria's coming to the wedding. -Miles, I gotta tell you something. Victoria's coming to the wedding. I know. You told me. I'm okay with it. -I know. You told me. I'm okay with it. Yeah, but that's not the whole story. She got remarried. -Yeah, but that's not the whole story. She got remarried. She what? When? -She what? When? About a month ago. Six weeks. -About a month ago. Six weeks. To that guy? That guy with the restaurant... -Jesus Christ, Miles. Get out! I want to go home now. -I want to go home now. You've been divorced for two years already. People move on. She has! It's like you enjoy self-pity. Makes you feel special or something. -You've been divorced for two years already. People move on. She has! It's like you enjoy self-pity. Makes you feel special or something. Is she bringing him to the wedding? -Is she bringing him to the wedding? What do you think? -What do you think? You drop this bombshell on me. Why didn't you tell me before? -You drop this bombshell on me. Why didn't you tell me before? Because I knew you'd freak out and probably get so depressed you wouldn't even come on this trip. But then I figured here would be the best place to tell you. We're here to forget about all that shit. We're here to party! -Because I knew you'd freak out and probably get so depressed you wouldn't even come on this trip. But then I figured here would be the best place to tell you. We're here to forget about all that shit. We're here to party! I'm going to be a fucking pariah. Everyone's just going to be holding their breath to see if I'm going to get drunk and make a scene. Plus Tony fucking Levin? -I'm going to be a fucking pariah. Everyone's just going to be holding their breath to see if I'm going to get drunk and make a scene. Plus Tony fucking Levin? No, no, no. It's cool. I talked to Victoria. She's cool. Everyone's cool. -No, no, no. It's cool. I talked to Victoria. She's cool. Everyone's cool. You've all been talking about it? Behind my back? Talking about it? -You gotta excuse him. Yesterday he didn't know Pinot Noir from film noir. I'm a quick learner. -A bad girl, Miles. She might need to be spanked. Do you know how often these pourers get hit on? -Get the trunk. You have the keys. -We're on. What? -What? She called Maya, who's not working tonight, so we're all going out. -She called Maya, who's not working tonight, so we're all going out. With Maya? -With Maya? Been divorced for a year now, bud. -Stephanie, holy shit. Chick had it all going on. Well, she is cute. -Well, she is cute. Cute? She's a fucking hottie. And you almost tell her I'm getting married. What's the matter with you? Gotta love it. Gotta love it. -You know how often these pourers get hit on? I'm going for a swim. Get the blood flowing. Want to come? Nah. I want to watch this. -So what should I wear? I don't know. Casual but nice. They think you're a writer. -Please just try to be your normal humorous self, okay? Like who you were before the tailspin. Do you remember that guy? People love that guy. And don't forget -- your novel is coming out in the fall. Oh yeah? How exciting. What's it called? -Oh yeah? How exciting. What's it called? Do not sabotage me. If you want to be a lightweight, that's your call. But do not sabotage me. -Do not sabotage me. If you want to be a lightweight, that's your call. But do not sabotage me. Aye-aye, captain. -Aye-aye, captain. And if they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot. -And if they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot. If anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am not drinking any fucking Merlot! -If anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am not drinking any fucking Merlot! Okay, okay. Relax, Miles, Jesus. No Merlot. Did you bring your Xanax? -And don't drink too much. I don't want you going to the dark side or passing out. Do you hear me? No going to the dark side. Okay! Fuck! -Pull yourself together, man. I'm fine! -Where were you? Bathroom. -Bathroom. Did you drink and dial? -Stop it. You are blowing a great opportunity here, Miles. Fucking Maya, man. She's great. She's cool. She's funny. She knows wine. What is this morose come-down bullshit? These girls want to party. And what was that fucking ten-minute lecture on, what was it, Vouvrays? I mean, come on! Let's just say I'm uncomfortable with the whole scenario. -Let's just say I'm uncomfortable with the whole scenario. Oh Jesus, Miles. -And don't forget all the bad times you had with Victoria. How small she make you feel. That's why you had the affair in the first place. Shut up. Shut your face. -Shut up. Shut your face. Don't you see how Maya's looking at you? You got her on the hook. Reel her in! Come on, let's rachet this up a notch. You know how to to do it. Here. Drink some agua. -Goddamn, Miles, she is nasty. Nasty nasty nasty. Well, I'm glad you got it out of your system. Congratulations. Mission accomplished. -Oh, hey, change of plans. Steph's off today, so she and I are going on a hike. We were supposed to play golf. -We were supposed to play golf. You go. In fact, use my clubs. They're brand new -- gift from Christine's dad. It's on me. Oh, say, by the way, Stephanie and me were thinking we'd all go to the Hitching Post tonight and sit at one of Maya's tables, and she'll bring us some great wines and then we can all -- -You go. In fact, use my clubs. They're brand new -- gift from Christine's dad. It's on me. Oh, say, by the way, Stephanie and me were thinking we'd all go to the Hitching Post tonight and sit at one of Maya's tables, and she'll bring us some great wines and then we can all -- Count me out. -Count me out. Oooh, I see. Didn't go so good last night, huh? That's a shocker. You mean getting drunk and calling Victoria didn't put you in the mood? You dumb fuck. Your divorce pain's getting real old real fast, dude. -Later. Yeah, well, maybe you should check your messages first. -Oh, boy. She's been leaving messages here too. -She's been leaving messages here too. Yeah. Okay. -You should call her. I will. See ya! -I will. See ya! Right now. -Right now. Okay! Jesus! -What'd Christine say? Lucked out -- got voice mail. Everything's cool. -Hey, there you are. Yep. -Yep. What're you drinking? -Where is Stephanie? Upstairs. Getting cleaned up. -Upstairs. Getting cleaned up. What the fuck are you doing? -What the fuck are you doing? What? -What? With this chick. -Does she know about Saturday? Um... not exactly. But I've been honest. I haven't told her I'm available. And she knows this trip up here is only for a few days. Besides... -Besides what? Well... I don't know, just... the wedding. -Well... I don't know, just... the wedding. What? -What? Well, I've been doing some thinking. -Well, I've been doing some thinking. Oh, you've been thinking. And? -Oh, you've been thinking. And? I may have to put the wedding on hold is all. -Being with Stephanie has opened my eyes. She's not uptight or controlling. She's just cool. Things are so easy with her. Smells different. Tastes different. Fucks different. Fucks like an animal. I'm telling you, I went deep last night, Miles. Deep. Deep. -I was hoping to get some understanding from you. And I'm not getting it. Understanding of what? -Understanding of what? Like I might be in love with another woman. -Like I might be in love with another woman. In love? Twenty-four hours with some wine-pourer chick and you think you're in love? And give up everything? -In love? Twenty-four hours with some wine-pourer chick and you think you're in love? And give up everything? Look who's talking. You've been there. -Look who's talking. You've been there. Yes I have, and do I look like a happy man? Was all that drama with Brenda a happy thing for me to do? Huh? Was it? Is she a part of my life now? -Yes I have, and do I look like a happy man? Was all that drama with Brenda a happy thing for me to do? Huh? Was it? Is she a part of my life now? This is totally different. I'm talking about avoiding what you're talking about. That's the distinction. I have not made the commitment yet. I am not married. I have not said the words. In a few days, I might get married, and if I do, then I won't be doing stuff like this anymore. Otherwise, what's the whole point of getting married? -This is totally different. I'm talking about avoiding what you're talking about. That's the distinction. I have not made the commitment yet. I am not married. I have not said the words. In a few days, I might get married, and if I do, then I won't be doing stuff like this anymore. Otherwise, what's the whole point of getting married? And what about Stephanie? She's a woman -- with a kid. A single mom. What do you think she's looking for? Huh? -And what about Stephanie? She's a woman -- with a kid. A single mom. What do you think she's looking for? Huh? Here's what I'm thinking. We move up here, you and me, buy a vineyard. You design your own wine; I'll handle the business side. Then you get inspired and write a new novel. As for me, if an audition comes along, hell, LA'S two hours away. Not even. -Here's what I'm thinking. We move up here, you and me, buy a vineyard. You design your own wine; I'll handle the business side. Then you get inspired and write a new novel. As for me, if an audition comes along, hell, LA'S two hours away. Not even. You're crazy. You've gone crazy. -You're crazy. You've gone crazy. What do you care anyway? You don't even like Christine. -What do you care anyway? You don't even like Christine. What? Of course I like Christine. -What? Of course I like Christine. You said she was shallow. Yeah, and a nouveau riche. -You said she was shallow. Yeah, and a nouveau riche. That was three years ago after that first party! -That was three years ago after that first party! Look, Miles, all I know is I'm an actor. All I have is my instinct. My intuition -- that's all I have. And you're asking me to go against it. And that's just wrong. -Listen, I'm going to make sure Steph and Siena get home safe, and then maybe we'll hook up with you later, okay? Sure, whatever. Maybe I'll catch a movie. -Call me on my cell if you go out. Yeah. -That's a public course. No Stephanie? She's working. I need a break anyway. She's getting a little clingy. This is our day! -Did you ever got ahold of Maya yesterday? Nope. -Nope. She likes you, man. Stephanie'll tell you. -She likes you, man. Stephanie'll tell you. Can you give me some room here? -Can you give me some room here? Oh yeah. Sure. -You know, in life you gotta strike when the iron's hot. Thanks, Jack. -Nice shot. You're an asshole. -What about your agent? Hear anything yet? Nope. -Nope. What do you think's going on? -What do you think's going on? Could be anything. -Could be anything. Been checking your messages? -Been checking your messages? Obsessively. -Obsessively. Huh. -Huh. They probably think my book is such a piece of shit that it's not even worthy of a response. I guess I'll just have to learn how to kiss off three years of my life. -They probably think my book is such a piece of shit that it's not even worthy of a response. I guess I'll just have to learn how to kiss off three years of my life. But you don't know yet, so your negativity's a bit premature, wouldn't you say? -Don't come over the top. Stay still. Shut up. -Shut up. Just trying to be helpful. It's all about stillness, Miles. Inner quiet. -Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! What's the matter with you, man? SHUT UP! Why are you so hostile? I know you're frustrated with your life right now, but you can choose not to be so hostile. Here. -What is it? I don't know. Got it from Stephanie. -Fucker hit into us. Hey, asshole! That's not cool! -Hey, asshole! That's not cool! Throw me his ball. -Just don't give up on Maya. Cool smart chicks like that --they like persistence. I don't want to talk about it. -I don't want to talk about it. All I know is she's beautiful. Lots of soul. Perfect for you. I'm not going to feel good about this trip until you guys hook up. Don't you just want to feel that cozy little box grip down on your Johnson? -Is it the money thing? Is what the money thing? -Is what the money thing? With Maya. -With Maya. Well, yeah, that's part of it. Woman finds out how I live, that I'm not a published author, that I'm a liar essentially, then yeah, any interest is gonna evaporate real quick. If you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game. You're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir. -Well, yeah, that's part of it. Woman finds out how I live, that I'm not a published author, that I'm a liar essentially, then yeah, any interest is gonna evaporate real quick. If you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game. You're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir. Is an abattoir like a... like a... what is that? -Is an abattoir like a... like a... what is that? Slaughterhouse. -Slaughterhouse. Abattoir. Huh. But you are going to get the good news this week about your book. I know you are. I can feel it. -We're on. What's happening? -What's happening? We're going to have some fun. Remember fun? We're going to have some of it. Okay? -We're going to have some fun. Remember fun? We're going to have some of it. Okay? What exactly are we going to do? -What exactly are we going to do? I said okay? -I said okay? You have to tell me -- -You have to tell me -- I SAID OKAY? -You ever actually read any of this guy's books? He wrote a great one on Burgundy, and I used to get his newsletter, but then there were doubts about whether he does all his own tasting. Plus a couple of times he declared certain years vintages of the century, and they turned out to be turkeys. Fucker never retracted. -He wrote a great one on Burgundy, and I used to get his newsletter, but then there were doubts about whether he does all his own tasting. Plus a couple of times he declared certain years vintages of the century, and they turned out to be turkeys. Fucker never retracted. Huh. -Yo! Yo! Here's my boy! Here's my boy! Who's your daddy, boy? Who is yo' daddy? Put me down, Jack. -So tell me everything. Details. I like details. No. -No. What? -What? It's private. -It's private. You're kidding, right? Tell me what happened, you fucker, or I'll tie your dick in a knot. -You're kidding, right? Tell me what happened, you fucker, or I'll tie your dick in a knot. Let's leave it alone. -You didn't get any, did you? You're a homo. Just stop, okay? Make something up, and that's what happened. Whatever you want. Write my confession, and I'll sign it. Just stop pushing me all the time! I can't take it! You're an infant! This is all a big party for you, but not for me! This is serious. And you -- Just... leave me alone, okay? You're fucking me up. -Just stop, okay? Make something up, and that's what happened. Whatever you want. Write my confession, and I'll sign it. Just stop pushing me all the time! I can't take it! You're an infant! This is all a big party for you, but not for me! This is serious. And you -- Just... leave me alone, okay? You're fucking me up. Wow. Okay. Calm down. Sorry. -Did you have trouble performing? Yeah, that's... Shut up! Shut up, Jack! -This whole week has gone sour. It isn't turning out like it was supposed to. I want to go home. Who's being selfish now? I'm the one getting married. I thought this week was supposed to be about me. -Who's being selfish now? I'm the one getting married. I thought this week was supposed to be about me. We gotta slow down. I'm so tired. Let's just get out of here. -We gotta slow down. I'm so tired. Let's just get out of here. I know what you need. -Do you like them? Yeah, they're great. Sporty. They're really sporty. -Yeah, they're great. Sporty. They're really sporty. Are they too sporty? -How about this one? We didn't hit this one. Yeah, it's Frass Canyon. It's a joke. -Yeah, it's Frass Canyon. It's a joke. You ever actually been in there, Miles? -You ever actually been in there, Miles? I don't have to. -I don't have to. I say we check it out. You never know. -Tastes like the back of a fucking LA schoolbus. Probably didn't de-stem, hoping for some semblance of concentration, crushed it up with leaves and mice, wound up with this rancid tar and turpentine mouthwash bullshit. Fucking Raid. I don't know. Tastes okay to me. Hey, they got a reserve pinot. -I don't know. Tastes okay to me. Hey, they got a reserve pinot. Let me use your phone. -Let me use your phone. What's up? -What's up? I can't take it anymore. I've got to call Evelyn. -Just write another one. You have lots of ideas, right? No, I'm finished. I'm not a writer. I'm a middle-school English teacher. I'm going to spend the rest of my life grading essays and reading the works of others. It's okay. I like books. The world doesn't give a shit what I have to say. I'm unnecessary. I'm so insignificant, I can't even kill myself. -No, I'm finished. I'm not a writer. I'm a middle-school English teacher. I'm going to spend the rest of my life grading essays and reading the works of others. It's okay. I like books. The world doesn't give a shit what I have to say. I'm unnecessary. I'm so insignificant, I can't even kill myself. What's that supposed to mean? -What's that supposed to mean? You know -- Hemingway, Sexton, Woolf, Plath, Delmore Schwartz. You can't kill yourself before you've even been published. -You know -- Hemingway, Sexton, Woolf, Plath, Delmore Schwartz. You can't kill yourself before you've even been published. What about that guy who wrote Confederacy of Dunces? He committed suicide before he got published, and look how famous he is. -What about that guy who wrote Confederacy of Dunces? He committed suicide before he got published, and look how famous he is. Thanks. -Thanks. Don't give up. You're going to make it. -Don't give up. You're going to make it. Half my life is over, and I have nothing to show for it. I'm a thumbprint on the window of a skyscraper. I'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage. -Half my life is over, and I have nothing to show for it. I'm a thumbprint on the window of a skyscraper. I'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage. See? Right there. Just what you just said. That's beautiful. A thumbprint on a skyscraper. I couldn't write that. -See? Right there. Just what you just said. That's beautiful. A thumbprint on a skyscraper. I couldn't write that. Neither could I. I think it's Bukowski. -Aren't you glad you didn't move up here and marry her? Don't need a lecture. You fucking told Maya, didn't you? -Don't need a lecture. You fucking told Maya, didn't you? No, I did not. Must have been Gary at the Hitching Post. I think we mentioned it to him the first night. -No, I did not. Must have been Gary at the Hitching Post. I think we mentioned it to him the first night. You told him. I'm fucking hurting here. -You told him. I'm fucking hurting here. Keep it elevated. -Well? I'm going to need an operation. Maybe a couple of them. They have to wait for it it to heal first. Then they break it again. -I'm going to need an operation. Maybe a couple of them. They have to wait for it it to heal first. Then they break it again. Good thing you have a voice-over career. -Good thing you have a voice-over career. Gonna fuck that up too. I should sue her ass. Only reason I won't is to protect Christine. -Gonna fuck that up too. I should sue her ass. Only reason I won't is to protect Christine. That's thoughtful. -That's thoughtful. Yeah. -So how did Stephanie know it was Saturday? We didn't get into that with Gary. Huh. Let me think. -Huh. Let me think. You sure you didn't say anything to Maya? -You sure you didn't say anything to Maya? Sure I'm sure. And just what are you implying? I'm really pissed off at you about all this, if you want to know the truth. What's Maya going to think of me now just for associating with you? You're the one who's sabotaging me, not the other way around, pal. Not by a longshot. -What's it look like to you? Looks like you were in a bad car accident. -You know what I'm thinking? What's that? -What's that? I'm thinking it's time to settle down. One woman. One house. You know. It's time. -I'm thinking it's time to settle down. One woman. One house. You know. It's time. Uh-huh. -I bet you that chick is two tons of fun. You know, the grateful type. I don't know. I wouldn't know. -She gets off in an hour, so I think I'm just going to have a drink and then... make sure she gets home safe. You're joking, right? What are you doing? Un-fucking- believeable. Can we just go back to the hotel and hang out and get up early and play nine holes before we head home? -Fucking chick's married. What? -What? Her husband works a night shift or something, and he comes home, and I'm on the floor with my cock in his wife's ass. -Her husband works a night shift or something, and he comes home, and I'm on the floor with my cock in his wife's ass. Jesus, Jack. Jesus. And you walked all the way back from Solvang? -Jesus, Jack. Jesus. And you walked all the way back from Solvang? Ran. Twisted my ankle too. -Ran. Twisted my ankle too. That's five clicks, Jackson. -That's five clicks, Jackson. Fucking-a it's five clicks! At one point I had to cut through an ostrich farm. Fuckers are mean. -We gotta go back. What? -What? I left my wallet. My credit cards, cash, fucking ID, everything. We gotta go back. -I left my wallet. My credit cards, cash, fucking ID, everything. We gotta go back. Big deal. We'll call right now and cancel your cards. -Big deal. We'll call right now and cancel your cards. You don't understand. The wedding bands. The wedding bands are in my wallet. -You don't understand. The wedding bands. The wedding bands are in my wallet. Okay, so they were in your wallet, and you left your wallet somewhere. Some bar. Christine'll understand. -Okay, so they were in your wallet, and you left your wallet somewhere. Some bar. Christine'll understand. No. She ordered them special. Took her forever to find them. They've got this design on them with dolphins and our names engraved in Sanskrit. We've got to go back. Christine'll fucking crucify me. -No. She ordered them special. Took her forever to find them. They've got this design on them with dolphins and our names engraved in Sanskrit. We've got to go back. Christine'll fucking crucify me. No way. No way. -No way. No way. Please, Miles, please. -Please, Miles, please. Forget it. Your wallet was stolen at a bar. Happens every day. -She tell you she was married? Yeah. -Yeah. So what the fuck were you thinking? -So what the fuck were you thinking? Wasn't supposed to be back till six. Fucker rolls in at five. -Wasn't supposed to be back till six. Fucker rolls in at five. Cutting it a little close, don't you think? So how was she? Compared to Stephanie, say. -Cutting it a little close, don't you think? So how was she? Compared to Stephanie, say. Horny as shit. Flopping around like a landed trout. -So what's the plan? The plan is... you go. -The plan is... you go. Me? -Me? My ankle. Just go explain the situation. -My ankle. Just go explain the situation. Uh, excuse me, sir, but my friend was the one balling your wife a couple hours ago, and he seems to have left his wallet behind, and we were wondering... -Uh, excuse me, sir, but my friend was the one balling your wife a couple hours ago, and he seems to have left his wallet behind, and we were wondering... Yeah, yeah. Like that. Just like that. -Fuck you. I'll get it myself. Hold on. -Hey, Jack. Jack. Hrnrnrn? -Hrnrnrn? That was quite a day yesterday. -Yep. Quite a day. Quite a week. -Want me to drive? No, I'm okay. -No, I'm okay. Hey, why don't you invite Maya to the wedding? -Hey, why don't you invite Maya to the wedding? Somehow I don't think inviting Maya to your wedding is the right move. In fact, after your bullshit, it's going to be hard for me to even go to the Hitching Post again. -Somehow I don't think inviting Maya to your wedding is the right move. In fact, after your bullshit, it's going to be hard for me to even go to the Hitching Post again. You're so negative. -Come on, let me drive. I'm fine. You rest. -I'm fine. You rest. I feel like driving. -What's wrong? Nothing. Buckle up, okay? -What the fuck! You said it looked like a car accident. -You said it looked like a car accident. What the fuck! -What the fuck! I'll pay for it. -Look at this! I don't know. Doesn't look like anybody got hurt in this one. -I don't know. Doesn't look like anybody got hurt in this one. Oh, no. Oh, Christ. No, you don't. -Oh, no. Oh, Christ. No, you don't. You need a new car anyway. -You broke some. Whatever. Sorry. -Whatever. Sorry. No, not whatever. You fucking derelict. -Well. That about does it. Why don't you come in? -Why don't you come in? Uh-uh. You're on your own. -Uh-uh. You're on your own. So I'll see you at the rehearsal. -So I'll see you at the rehearsal. Yeah. -Love you, man. Back at you. -Hey, don't pull away till they see the car. Yeah. Hey, why wasn't I injured? -Yeah. Hey, why wasn't I injured? You were wearing your belt. -Hey, Miles. Good to see you. Maya, how are you? -Maya, how are you? I'm doing good, good. You look great. Did you lose some weight? -I'm doing good, good. You look great. Did you lose some weight? Oh, no, actually. Busy night. -Oh, no, actually. Busy night. Oh yeah, Sunday night. You guys been out tasting today? -Oh yeah, Sunday night. You guys been out tasting today? You know it. This is my friend Jack. Jack, Maya. -You want to join us? Sure. -So how's that book of yours going, Miles? I think you were almost done with it last time we talked. I finished it. -I finished it. Good for you. -Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a long drive up here. Where're you staying? The Windmill. -Well, good to see you, Miles. Jack. See you. -What are you drinking? A Fiddlehead Sauvignon Blanc. -A Fiddlehead Sauvignon Blanc. Oh yeah? How is it? -Oh yeah? How is it? Try it. -Nice. Very nice. Twelve months in oak. -Twelve months in oak. On a Sauvignon Blanc? -On a Sauvignon Blanc? I know the winemaker. She comes in the restaurant all the time. -I know the winemaker. She comes in the restaurant all the time. This is good. Little hints of clove. -This is good. Little hints of clove. I know. I love that. -I'm having the salmon. That's what I'm having. -Are you all right? Fine. Just slipped. This is my blood. -Hi. Hey. -Hey. She got anything good? -She got anything good? Oh, yeah. Steph's way into Pinots and Syrahs. Hey, Steph? You sure we can open anything? Anything we want? -So what gems do you have in your collection? Not much of a collection really. I haven't had the wallet for that, so I sort of live bottle to bottle. But I've got a couple things I'm saving. I guess the star would be a 1961 Cheval Blanc. -Not much of a collection really. I haven't had the wallet for that, so I sort of live bottle to bottle. But I've got a couple things I'm saving. I guess the star would be a 1961 Cheval Blanc. You've got a '61 Cheval Blanc that's just sitting there? Go get it. Right now. Hurry up... -Seriously, the '61s are peaking, aren't they? At least that's what I've read. Yeah, I know. -Yeah, I know. It might be too late already. What are you waiting for? -It might be too late already. What are you waiting for? I don't know. Special occasion. With the right person. It was supposed to be for my tenth wedding anniversary. -The day you open a '61 Cheval Blanc, that's the special occasion. How long have you been into wine? -How long have you been into wine? I started to get serious about seven years ago. -I started to get serious about seven years ago. What was the bottle that did it? -What was the bottle that did it? Eighty-eight Sassicaia. -Wow. We gotta give it a moment, but this is tasty. Really good. How about you? I think they overdid it a bit. Too much alcohol. Overwhelms the fruit. -I think they overdid it a bit. Too much alcohol. Overwhelms the fruit. Yeah, I'd say you're right on the money. -Is this Stephanie's kid? Sure is cute. Yeah, Siena's a sweetie. -Yeah, Siena's a sweetie. Is she sleeping or...? -Is she sleeping or...? She's with her grandmother. She's with Steph's mom. She spends a lot of time over there. Steph's... well, she's Stephanie. -You got kids? Who me? Nah, I'd just fuck them up. That was the one unpolluted part of my divorce -- no kids. -Who me? Nah, I'd just fuck them up. That was the one unpolluted part of my divorce -- no kids. Yeah, same here. -It's kind of weird sitting here with you in Stephanie's house. All those times you came into the restaurant. It's like you're a real person now. Almost. Yeah, I know. It's kind of weird. Out of context. -Yeah, I know. It's kind of weird. Out of context. Yeah, weird. But great. -Yeah, weird. But great. Yeah. Definitely. -So what's your novel about? Well, it's a little difficult to summarize. It begins as a first-person account of a guy taking care of his father after a stroke. Kind of based on personal experience, but only loosely. -Well, it's a little difficult to summarize. It begins as a first-person account of a guy taking care of his father after a stroke. Kind of based on personal experience, but only loosely. What's the title? -What's the title? """The Day After Yesterday.""" -"""The Day After Yesterday.""" Oh. You mean... today? -Oh. You mean... today? Um... yeah but it's more... -Um... yeah but it's more... So is it kind of about death and mortality, or...? -So is it kind of about death and mortality, or...? Mrnmm, yeah... but not really. It shifts around a lot. Like you also start to see everything from the point of view of the father. And some other stuff happens, some parallel narrative, and then it evolves -- or devolves -- into a kind of a Robbe-Grillet mystery -- you know, with no real resolution. -Mrnmm, yeah... but not really. It shifts around a lot. Like you also start to see everything from the point of view of the father. And some other stuff happens, some parallel narrative, and then it evolves -- or devolves -- into a kind of a Robbe-Grillet mystery -- you know, with no real resolution. Wow. Anyway, I think it's amazing you're getting it published. Really. I know how hard it is. Just to write it even. -Wow. Anyway, I think it's amazing you're getting it published. Really. I know how hard it is. Just to write it even. Yeah. Thanks. -Yeah. Thanks. Like me, I have this stupid paper due on Friday, and as usual I'm freaked out about it. Just like in high school. It never changes. -Like me, I have this stupid paper due on Friday, and as usual I'm freaked out about it. Just like in high school. It never changes. A paper? -A paper? Yeah. I'm working on a masters in horticulture. Chipping away at it. -Yeah. I'm working on a masters in horticulture. Chipping away at it. Horticulture? Wow. I didn't know there was a college here. -Horticulture? Wow. I didn't know there was a college here. I commute to San Luis Obispo twice a week. -I commute to San Luis Obispo twice a week. So... you want to work for a winery or something someday? -So... you want to work for a winery or something someday? Well... -Well... I do have a copy of the manuscript in the car. It's not fully proofed, but if you're okay with a few typos... -I do have a copy of the manuscript in the car. It's not fully proofed, but if you're okay with a few typos... Oh yeah. Who cares? I'm the queen of typos. Wow, this is really starting to open up. What do you think? -Oh yeah. Who cares? I'm the queen of typos. Wow, this is really starting to open up. What do you think? My palate's kind of shot, but from what I can tell, I'd dub it pretty damn good. -My palate's kind of shot, but from what I can tell, I'd dub it pretty damn good. Can I ask you a personal question? -Can I ask you a personal question? Sure. -Sure. Why are you so into Pinot? It's like a thing with you. -I mean, Cabernets can be powerful and exalting, but they seem prosaic to me for some reason. By comparison. How about you? What about me? -What about me? I don't know. Why are you into wine? -I don't know. Why are you into wine? I suppose I got really into wine originally through my ex-husband. He had a big, kind of show-off cellar. But then I found out that I have a really sharp palate, and the more I drank, the more I liked what it made me think about. -I suppose I got really into wine originally through my ex-husband. He had a big, kind of show-off cellar. But then I found out that I have a really sharp palate, and the more I drank, the more I liked what it made me think about. Yeah? Like what? -Yeah? Like what? Like what a fraud he was. -Bathroom over there? Yeah. -You know how to get back to the Windmill, right? Got it. -Got it. I had a good time tonight, Miles. I really did. -I had a good time tonight, Miles. I really did. Good. So did I. -Good. So did I. Okay. See you around. -Okay. See you around. Um... did you still want to read my novel? -Um... did you still want to read my novel? Oh, yeah. Sure. Of course. -Hope you like it. Feel free to stop reading at any time. I'll take no offense. Goodnight, Miles. -Hey, Miles, I heard you came by the restaurant last night looking for me. Oh, yeah. No. I mean yeah, I stopped by for a drink. Didn't see you. -Oh, yeah. No. I mean yeah, I stopped by for a drink. Didn't see you. I had class. -I had class. Well, nice to see you now. -Well, nice to see you now. You too. -You guys should stop by the restaurant for lunch today. Great. What's the latest we can get there? -Great. What's the latest we can get there? About two-thirty. -About two-thirty. Okay. -Okay. Did you hear about this Bordeaux tasting dinner down in Santa Barbara Saturday night? It's a little pricey, but if you wanted to go, I'd be into it. Why don't you stay through the weekend? -No, we've got to get back Friday for the rehearsal dinner. What rehearsal dinner? -Were you ever going to say anything? Of course I was. I mean, just now I could have made up some story, but I didn't. I told you the truth. -Maya. Don't touch me. Just take me home. -I've told him. I've told him over and over, but he's out of control. Do you know what he's been saying to her? -Do you know what he's been saying to her? He's an actor, so it can't be good. -He's an actor, so it can't be good. Oh, just that he loves her. That she's the only woman who has ever really rocked his world. How he adores Siena. How he wants to move up here and get a place with the two of them and commute when he has to. -Oh, just that he loves her. That she's the only woman who has ever really rocked his world. How he adores Siena. How he wants to move up here and get a place with the two of them and commute when he has to. I'm sure he believed every word. -Please believe me. I was even on the verge of telling you last night, but... But you wanted to fuck me first. -But you wanted to fuck me first. Oh, Maya. No. -Oh, Maya. No. Yeah. -You know, I just spent three years trying to extricate myself from a relationship that turned out to be full of deception. And I've been doing just fine. And I haven't been with anyone since my divorce. This has been a big deal for me, Maya -- hanging out with you, and last night. I really like you, Maya. And I'm not Jack. I'm just his... his freshman roommate from San Diego State. -Hi. It's Maya. Please leave a message. It's Miles. Listen, I don't know if you even care, but I had to call and tell you again how much I enjoyed our time together and how sorry I am things turned out the way they did. I think you're great, Maya -- always have. From the first time you waited on me. And while I'm at it, I guess you should know that my book is not getting published. I thought this one had a chance, but I was wrong. Again. Don't bother reading it -- you've got better things to do. So you see I'm not much of a writer. I'm not anything really. The only real talent I seem to have is for disappointing people and now you know that firsthand. We're leaving in the morning, and I want you to know that I take with me wonderful memories of you. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. -Hello? Victoria. -Victoria. Miles? -Victoria! How the hell are you? Fine. What's, uh, what's on your mind? -Fine. What's, uh, what's on your mind? Heard you got remarried! Congratulations. Didn't think you had the stomach for another go-round. -Heard you got remarried! Congratulations. Didn't think you had the stomach for another go-round. Oh, Miles. You're drunk. -Oh, Miles. You're drunk. Just some local Pinot, you know, then a little Burgundy. That old Cotes de Beaune! -Where are you? A little place in Los Olivos. New owners. Cozy ambiance. Excellent food too -- you should try it. Thought of you at the Hitching Post last night. -Hello? Miles, don't call me when you're drunk. -Miles, don't call me when you're drunk. I just wanted you to know I've decided not to go to the wedding, so in case you were dreading some uncomfortable, you know, run-in or something, well, worry no more. You won't see me there. My wedding gift to you and what's- his-name. What is his name? -I just wanted you to know I've decided not to go to the wedding, so in case you were dreading some uncomfortable, you know, run-in or something, well, worry no more. You won't see me there. My wedding gift to you and what's- his-name. What is his name? Ken. -Ken. Ken. -Ken. Miles, I don't care if you come to the wedding or not. -Miles, I don't care if you come to the wedding or not. Well, I'm not coming, Barbie. So you guys have fun. -Well, I'm not coming, Barbie. So you guys have fun. I'm going to hang up now, Miles. -I'm going to hang up now, Miles. You see, Vicki, I just heard about this today, you getting married that is, and I was kind of taken aback. Kind of hard to believe. -I guess I just thought there was still some hope for us somewhere down the road and I just, I just -- Miles, maybe it is better if you don't come to the wedding. -Hi, Vicki. You look beautiful. Thanks. Um, this is Ken Cortland, my husband. -That was big of him. Yeah, he's good that way. Very considerate. -Yeah, he's good that way. Very considerate. That's great. -That's great. So how're you doing? -So how're you doing? Since the last time we spoke? I don't know. Could be better. Could be worse. -Since the last time we spoke? I don't know. Could be better. Could be worse. So what's happening with your book? -So what's happening with your book? Universally rejected. Strike three. -Universally rejected. Strike three. Oh, Miles. That's awful. What are you going to do? -Oh, Miles. That's awful. What are you going to do? Back to the drawing board, I guess. Or not. So... you're married. Congratulations. You look happy. -Back to the drawing board, I guess. Or not. So... you're married. Congratulations. You look happy. I am. -I am. Seems like everyone's getting married. A year ago it was all divorces. Now it's all weddings. Cyclical, I guess. -Seems like everyone's getting married. A year ago it was all divorces. Now it's all weddings. Cyclical, I guess. I guess. -Well, let's go have some champagne, shall we? Toast all the newlyweds. Not me. I'm not drinking. -Not me. I'm not drinking. You quit drinking? -You quit drinking? I'm pregnant. -I'm pregnant. Oh. Huh. Well... Congratulations again, Vicki. That's wonderful news. -Oh. Huh. Well... Congratulations again, Vicki. That's wonderful news. See you over there, Miles. -See you over there, Miles. Yeah. -How much skin and stem contact? About four weeks. -About four weeks. Huh. That explains all the tannins. And how long in oak? -Huh. That explains all the tannins. And how long in oak? About a year. -About a year. French or American? -French or American? Both. -Both. Good stuff. -Pour me a full glass. I'll pay for it. This is a tasting, sir. Not a bar. -Sir, what are you doing? I told you I need a drink. -I told you I need a drink. Then buy a bottle and go outside. -So what do you think? Quaffable but far from transcendent. -Cabernet Franc. This is only the fifth year we've made this varietal. Very few wineries around here do a straight Cabernet Franc. It's from our vineyard up in Santa Maria. And it was a Silver Medal winner at Paso Robles last year. Well, I've come to never expect greatness from a Cab Franc, and this one's no exception. Sort of a flabby, overripe -- -What's everyone ordering? Then we can sort out the wine. Exactement! -Should we get dessert? We were thinking. Why don't we go back to my place? I've got wine, some insane cheeses, music, whatever. -Anything but the Jayer Richebourg! She has a Richebourg? Mon dieu. I have completely underestimated Stephanie. -That was fun last night. Yeah. Good food. You've got quite a wine collection. Very impressive. -Yeah. Good food. You've got quite a wine collection. Very impressive. Thanks. Hey, I talked to Maya this morning. She said she had a good time too. You should call her. -Where's Jack? He had to make a phone call. -So what are you up to today, Miles? Just kickin' back, I guess. I don't know. Jack and I were supposed to go golfing. -Just kickin' back, I guess. I don't know. Jack and I were supposed to go golfing. Huh. -Huh. Yeah, I reserved the tee time about a month ago. -Yeah, I reserved the tee time about a month ago. Oops. Sorry. -Oops. Sorry. You golf? -You golf? Me? No, I think it's kind of a stupid game. I mean, at least, I could never get into it. I tried it once. -Me? No, I think it's kind of a stupid game. I mean, at least, I could never get into it. I tried it once. Huh. Jack loves golf. Crazy about it. -Hi, guys. We should probably get going. Where? -See you, Miles. You take care. Bye, Stephanie. Bye, Siena, Caryl. -Stephanie! Stop! You fucking bastard! Lying piece of shit! You're getting married on Saturday? What was all that shit you said to me? -A famous actor who's getting married next week. Oh, that's right. Isn't that nice? I hope that girls knows how lucky she is, marrying no less than Derek Summersby. -It was a surprise, Mom. And I could have already put clean sheets on the other bed and the fold- out. You are staying. Wendy, Ron and the twins are picking us up at 11:30 to go to brunch at the Sheraton. They do a magnificent job there. Wendy is so excited you're coming. -You talked to Wendy? Just now. She's thrilled. And the kids. -Just now. She's thrilled. And the kids. Yeah, well. You know, Jack's pretty eager to get up to... you know, but, uh, yeah. We'll see how it goes. -Yeah, well. You know, Jack's pretty eager to get up to... you know, but, uh, yeah. We'll see how it goes. Well, you boys do what you want. I just think it would be nice for us to be together as a family on my birthday. -Well, you boys do what you want. I just think it would be nice for us to be together as a family on my birthday. Uh-huh. I'll be right back. -Miles, when are you going to get married again? I just got divorced. Phyllis. -Houdini's sick. Please tie up Isabelle to the back of the shed. Make sure the knot's tight. -What's the matter? I saw a monster. Can I have a glass of water? -What's wrong with the water next to your bed? It tastes old. -What's the rule about getting up in the middle of the night? Only for pee or poop. -Only for pee or poop. Right. -What are you thinking about? Why do you talk to mom when you're by yourself? -It makes me feel better. Does she ever answer back? -Does she ever answer back? No. -No. She doesn't answer me either. -There's dust in it. This one? -This one? A hair. -A hair. This one? -This one? Morgan took a sip. It has his amoebas in it. -See this is why we're not watching those news reports. People get obsessed. I'm letting go now. No dad! -Daddy. Don't touch him. -I think it's contaminated. You don't even know what that word means. -It's not contaminated. It's just tap water. Pour it in his bowl. It tastes funny. -It tastes funny. He licks his butt everyday. He's not going to mind. -Not English though. You heard the voices right Uncle Merrill? I heard them Morgan. -Listen Bo. This is very important. Everything people have written about in science books is going to change. The history of the world's future is on the TV right now. We need to record this so you can show your children this tape and say you were there... For your children Bo. My ballet recital. -My ballet recital. Dad! -The same windows. That's weird. -I don't want you to die. Who said I was going to die? -I'm scared. Me too. -Hi sweetie. Hi baby. -I was just taking a walk before dinner. You love walks. -Does it hurt? I don't feel much. -I don't feel much. Good. -...Tell Morgan to play games -- it's okay to be silly. ...I will. -...I will. ...Tell Bo to listen to her brother. He'll always take care of her. -...Tell Bo to listen to her brother. He'll always take care of her. ...I will. -...I will. ...Tell Graham -- -...Tell Graham -- I'm here. -I'm here. Tell him... See. Tell him to see. -And tell Merrill to swing away. What? Colleen?... Colleen? -You do? I've had two separate folks tell me they think there are strangers around these parts the last couple of nights. Can't tell what they look like, cause they're staying in the shadows -- covert like. No one's got hurt mind you... And that's the give away. -I've had two separate folks tell me they think there are strangers around these parts the last couple of nights. Can't tell what they look like, cause they're staying in the shadows -- covert like. No one's got hurt mind you... And that's the give away. I see. -I see. It's called probing. It's a military procedure. You send a reconnaissance group, very small, to check out things. Not to engage, but to evaluate the situation. Evaluate the level of danger. Make sure things are all clear... -It's called probing. It's a military procedure. You send a reconnaissance group, very small, to check out things. Not to engage, but to evaluate the situation. Evaluate the level of danger. Make sure things are all clear... Clear for what? -I got the bat at home... On the wall. You got two minor league home run records don't you? -Five. The five longest. Boy, why aren't you in the pros making stacks of cash and getting handfuls of T and A? -Okay, this guy is trying to scare us. He's messed with our property, he's coming around the house. It's time for an ass whoopin'! This is not an intelligent way to approach this. -Explain, act crazy? Curse and stuff. -Curse and stuff. I'm not going to curse. -I'm not going to curse. You don't mean it. It's just for show. -You don't mean it. It's just for show. It doesn't sound natural when I curse. -It doesn't sound natural when I curse. Just make noises then. -Just make noises then. Explain noises. -Explain noises. Are you going to do this or what? -Are you going to do this or what? No I'm not. -No I'm not. You want him coming in the house next time? -I cursed. I heard. -It was very dark. Yes it was. -It was very dark. Yes, it was. -This guy got on the roof in like a second. Bo, can you turn down the volume until Officer Paski leaves? -That roof is over ten feet high. He's telling you the truth, Edgar. Whoever it was, is very strong and can jump pretty high. -Pharmacy crowded? I don't want any one of you spending time with Tracey Abernathy alone. Is that understood? -It's noise. It's broken Morgan. It'll just keep doing this. Let's get out of the car okay? -It's probably picking up another baby monitor. That's right. -Morgan, be careful. I got him. -Do you think it's a possibility? Yes. -Yes. How can you say that? -How can you say that? That wasn't the answer you wanted? -That wasn't the answer you wanted? Can you at least pretend to be like you used to be? Give me some comfort? -Do you feel comforted? Yes. -Yes. What does it matter then? -For the kids protection. All they were doing was watching TV from five a.m. I felt like they were getting obsessed like you said. They should be playing furry, furry rabbit or tea party or something right? What's furry, furry rabbit? -What's furry, furry rabbit? That's a game isn't it? Anyway... There's been some interesting developments. -That's a game isn't it? Anyway... There's been some interesting developments. What time is it? -What time is it? Eleven a.m. They're gone. -They caught it on tape and they've been playing it all morning. They found the bird. His head crushed in. When you see the footage it looks like the bird flew into a wall in the sky. They think they have some invisible shield thing going, like an optical illusion. The bird could have had a heart attack and crushed his head when he fell. -The bird could have had a heart attack and crushed his head when he fell. Already thought of. Two other birds did the same thing an hour later. Not as dramatic. They lived. But you could see they hit something. -Where are you going? Ray Reddy's house. -I'm sorry, what book is this? Did they say what our chances would be if they did invade? -Chicken Teriyaki. Good choice... I'm going to have a cheeseburger with bacon. Extra bacon. -Should we turn off the lights? They already know we're here. -They're on the roof. While they were trying to fix her up, all she kept asking about was you. -This is going to do nothing. We have to go in the basement. -Did I ever tell you, I dislocated Uncle Merrill's arm? Should we make a run for it out the back? -Should we make a run for it out the back? They're right behind the door. -He was only a year and half old. What are you doing? -What are you doing? "He was trying to eat a second chocolate bar. Your grandma said, ""No."" He tried to take a bite, so I grabbed it." -We won't be able to get out of there. I'm sorry I hurt your arm. -Merrill -- I'm looking! -Merrill! Got it! -They're distracting us? From what? -I can feel air. Me too. -Me too. It's getting stronger. -It's getting stronger. I'm close. -They're broadcasting... It came on about two hours ago. Woke me up. We won Graham. -How many died? They think over a hundred thousand. They're just estimates. But we held strong. -They think over a hundred thousand. They're just estimates. But we held strong. How do they know it's over? -How do they know it's over? A mass evacuation by them started about eight o'clock this morning. It's eleven now. They're leaving. Beat. -No. Listen, there's things I can take and a couple things I can't and one of them I can't take, is when my older brother -- -- who is everything I want to be, starts losing faith in things. I saw your eyes last night. I don't want to ever see your eyes like that again, okay? I'm serious. -He's been like that for awhile. We need to get him some medicine. Have they said anything about our area? -Have they said anything about our area? Philadelphia and its outlying counties are cleared, but who knows for sure? -He's not strong enough to fight off another attack. I know. We need to be sure, before we open that door Graham. -That's good enough for me. Me too. -Don't touch him. Graham. -Graham. Don't. -Can I use Bo's old baby monitor as a walkie-talkie? Yes. -Yes. It needs batteries. -It needs batteries. Edgar, come inside. -These are D's; I need double A's. I have some upstairs. -It's still making the noises. It's broken. It's old Morgan. -We might lose the signal. We can't just sit in the car in our own driveway like this. -I'm getting out now. Don't do it. -Morgan? It gets clearer, the higher you hold it. -So the aliens can't read our minds. Oh. -Oh. They tell you everything in this book. -It says they're probably very small -- like my height -- because, as their brains developed, there was no use for physical development. It says they're probably vegetarians, because they would have realized the benefits of such a diet. Who wrote this book? -Scientists who have been persecuted for their beliefs. That means they're unemployed. -Dr. Bimboo, one of the authors of the book -- Bimboo? -Bimboo? Dad. -Dad. I just asked his name. -Tell me something Morgan. In that book of your, did they happen to detail what would happen if they were hostile? Yes. They would invade us using only ground tactics. Hand to hand combat. They wouldn't use their technology or fight an airborne battle, because they would know we would eventually use nuclear weapons and the planet would be useless to them. -They said one of two things could happen. One, they fight and are defeated and leave to return again with full forces hundreds or even thousands of years later. What's two? -What's two? They win. -What do you think about the idea that they don't like places near water, and we might be safe from them near a lake or something? Sounds made up. -We'll have to board up the bedroom doors. Where are we going to sleep? -Where are we going to sleep? The family room. -What about Isabelle? We'll keep her in the garage, after dinner. -French toast... and mashed potatoes. Now we're talking. How about you Merrill? -Stop crying! Don't yell at her! -They'll read our minds! You're scaring your sister. -I can't even imagine. I hope they're doing better than we are. We don't even have helmets. -Did someone save me? Yeah baby. I think someone did. -It's the strangest thing Father. Don't call me Father. -Don't call me Father. What's that? -What's that? Don't call me Father. It's just Graham now. -Don't call me Father. It's just Graham now. Sorry. -You said something was strange. What's strange? The footprints. -The footprints. What about them? -What about them? There are none. -It's not broken. What kind of machine can bend a stalk of corn over without cracking it? -Second thing this week I can't explain. What was the first thing? -What was the first thing? Some animals around the county exhibiting uncharacteristic behavior. Sometimes violent behavior. Theo Henry had two of his fingers bit off by his cow. -Some animals around the county exhibiting uncharacteristic behavior. Sometimes violent behavior. Theo Henry had two of his fingers bit off by his cow. Sounds like a virus. -Sounds like a virus. No Father, they're edgy. On alert. Like they act when they smell a predator around... Peeing on themselves and everything. -You can't describe him at all? Don't you think that's find of odd? It does seem kind of odd doesn't it? -It does seem kind of odd doesn't it? I don't know whether to look for a midget or a -- -I don't know whether to look for a midget or a -- He definitely wasn't a midget. -He definitely wasn't a midget. Okay. So he was tall? -Okay. So he was tall? I would say so. -Let me ask you two something. Don't be embarrassed by the answer. It is possible... Just possible now, you might have been chasing each other around? You said you went in opposite directions. Edgar, it sounds as strange to me saying it, as it is to you hearing it. But we couldn't see him. He stayed mostly in the shadows. All we could make out was movement. But I'll tell you something with absolute certainty. There was someone watching our house last night. He was looking in my children's windows and I want you to find him Edgar. I need you to take this seriously, just in case, it is something serious. -I don't think so. Do you owe anybody money? You can tell me off the record if you need too. -Do you owe anybody money? You can tell me off the record if you need too. No. -Is anything missing? No. -But I'll tell you something, what I said in their, still goes. You and your family have been through a lot in the last two days... Not to mention what happened to you all seven months ago. Six months. -And three weeks. It's left its mark still. The last thing these children need to do, is worry about some crazy things happening in the world. Take them into town. Get their minds -- your mind, on everyday things. It's good medicine. -It's left its mark still. The last thing these children need to do, is worry about some crazy things happening in the world. Take them into town. Get their minds -- your mind, on everyday things. It's good medicine. It's good advice... Say hi to Marcia for me. -It's good advice... Say hi to Marcia for me. You take care of yourself... Graham. -There was an accident. Drunk driving. They weren't sure. He wasn't drinking. Ray fell asleep at the wheel. -Is he okay? Yes... That's the first thing Colleen asked too. -She's not in an ambulance Father. Why not? -Why not? See Father, Ray's truck swerved off the road and ah... Hit Colleen and then a tree. She was pinned between the two. -See Father, Ray's truck swerved off the road and ah... Hit Colleen and then a tree. She was pinned between the two. Pinned? What does that mean? -The truck... the truck has severed most of her lower half. What did you say? -Is that him? Yeah. -Don't do it! You'll lose the signal! -They think these look like stages immediately proceeding an attack maneuver. It's like War of the Worlds. -It's like War of the Worlds. They think it might happen all at once. -Some guy had a sign that said it was the end of the world. Nothing really bad is going to happen, is it Uncle Merrill? Don't worry. -The book says they're probably very good problem solvers. What book! -What book! They'll find a way in. -I wouldn't do that. You're going to need every gun when that posse gets here. Posse? What the hell you talking about? -Posse? What the hell you talking about? My partner and me robbed the bank in Turley and headed out with a posse on our tails. My partner there caught one a ways back, and I think he kicked off while I was looking for this damn canyon. You're Dawson, ain't you? I'm Tex LaRue. Used to ride with Ry Morris. You know him. Well, Andy Sims told me there was a hideout here, so I headed for it. Hope you don't mind. -You brought a posse to my best hideout and you want to know if I mind. Mister, I don't know any of those names and you're about to die. Wait a minute! If you don't believe me, ask them... ...they saw me and my pal in Turley before we did the job. -I'd get down if I were you. They may be up there now. No money, eh? -No money, eh? The money's in my saddlebags over there, but I ain't stepping out to get it. -If we charge them, they won't have a chance. But we gotta get to the horses. What do you mean, the horses? -Emmett! Am I glad to see you! Howdy, Jake. What's going on here? -Howdy, Jake. What's going on here? You got me. This is a crazy town, Emmett. I think we ought to get out of here. -All I did was kiss a girl. That's why they got you in jail? -That's why they got you in jail? Yeah, I kissed a girl and this guy didn't like it and we had some words, so I decided to get out of there. -So I did, I got out of there, I don't want no trouble. You know me. So I walked out on the street and the fella tried to shoot me in the back. ...And you had to kill him? -...And you had to kill him? No, no, no! I winged him, and he dropped his gun. -No, no, no! I winged him, and he dropped his gun. You're in here for winging a guy? -Well, no, not exactly. See then his friend opened up on me. What friend is that? -What friend is that? The one with the shotgun. -Jake, I'm going to ask you once -- was it self-defense? Honest to God, Emmett, he would've killed me. -I think we lost 'em. There's nobody coming? -Forget the money. You've got to get these people out of here. This is no place to be sitting with women and kids. Your next water ain't for three days. -Well, Kate, it was self-defense sure enough, but I think you'd have to say I killed old Murdo. I think that's definitely the word. It was my fault. -Emmett. McKendrick. -I didn't know you were out. Did it seem short to you? -That's all over as far as I'm concerned, Emmett. I'm satisfied. Sounds good. -Sounds good. All right then. Let's go. -Forget it. Wait a minute. Get down off of there, Augie. -After the war my family worked a little piece of land near Savannah for a while. But the way it was down there then... well, they made it hard every way they could. Finally my daddy figured the promised land was out this direction. By that time I was so sick of farming, I didn't want to touch another hoe ever. I wouldn't come with 'em. My daddy took it pretty hard. Him, my ma, and my little sister headed out without me. They've got a little place south of Silverado. I guess they've done okay. Good enough anyway so that when my ma wrote me last time, she said they needed my help to work the place. That was almost nine months ago she wrote. Letter took a while to find me, but when it did, it was just the right time. Where were you? -Where were you? Chicago. Working in the slaughter- houses. -Maybe we'll see you sometime. Yeah... maybe. So long. -...Gotta go... Sure. -Where are we? Someplace safe. How you feeling? -I'd be worse if you hadn't come along. I didn't just come along. I was looking for you. Jake said you were out there. I saw him in town, and he told me about that business the other night. Said you boys took a Henry off one of McKendrick's men. I wanted to see it. -I didn't just come along. I was looking for you. Jake said you were out there. I saw him in town, and he told me about that business the other night. Said you boys took a Henry off one of McKendrick's men. I wanted to see it. That's it. -This was my father's. The men who killed him took it. I'm sorry. -I gotta get to my brother. If they came after me, they'll want him too. You'll never make it. -You'll never make it. Have to. -I'll go. I'll bring Jake out here. Be careful. You're in it now. And it's gonna get mean. -Be careful. You're in it now. And it's gonna get mean. So far that's all I seen in this life. -I almost didn't. Where's Jake? -Where's Jake? McKendrick's men got him. -McKendrick's men got him. Is he alive? -Kate? She was hurt... pretty bad. Emmett, they took the little boy with them. -Gotta go. Right. -More than enough. Have you thought at all about your plans? -Have you thought at all about your plans? Some. I've been talking to the Parkers. One thing I know I'm not doing -- I'm not going back. -The Parkers seem like nice folks. They've been kind to me. -They've been kind to me. Paden sends his best. -Paden sends his best. I guess I put a good scare into him. -I'm surprised to see you out here tonight. I just came out to say goodbye. -I just came out to say goodbye. Goodbye? -Goodbye? Yeah, me and Jake will be heading out for California soon. -You came all the way out here to tell me you're going to California? All you had to do was go, and we'd never see each other again. That's why I'm here. -You don't make it easy on a fellow. Didn't Paden tell you that? -Maybe you thought you'd be back this way someday. Yeah... that must have been it. -Are you all right? This is a brutal land. -This is a brutal land. You must have known that before you came. -You must have known that before you came. It's one thing to know it... -We told Sheriff Cobb about the attack. He said he'd... look into it. I can't believe he's the law out here. Now I see why you all wear guns. How's Mr. Parker doing? -How's Mr. Parker doing? Just like you'd think. But he's not going to run. We're sticking to our plan. Now we both need help. -Weren't you going to come out to say good-bye? I already did that. -I already did that. This time you're really going? You know where I'll be. -This time you're really going? You know where I'll be. That I do. -I've got my people sitting down there... ...swatting flies and raring to go. I'm afraid it is a bad start, friend, 'cause my name isn't Baxter, and he ain't Hawley. -I'm afraid it is a bad start, friend, 'cause my name isn't Baxter, and he ain't Hawley. You're not Baxter? -You're not Baxter? My name is Emmett. -My name is Emmett. And you're not Baxter, either? -Hobart, what are you people doing here? This is where Baxter and Hawley brung us. -This is where Baxter and Hawley brung us. Well, they're wrong. This territory is full of bad characters. -Well, they're wrong. This territory is full of bad characters. And they were two of them. Look -- -I'm just meeting a guy here and moving on. So far I haven't been able to find him. In my town, when you're looking for someone, you ask me. -In my town, when you're looking for someone, you ask me. All right. I'm looking for a young fella, full of juice. About my size, wears a fancy two-gun rig. -I guess tomorrow at dawn he'll be proved right. Ten A.M. -Ten A.M. Right... I thought they always did it at dawn. So long, kid. I'm sorry. -Maybe I ought to throw you in jail too. Then you could be with all your friends. I haven't done anything. -I haven't done anything. I want you out of town before the hanging. -I want you out of town before the hanging. I'll be long gone. -Two of the horses ran off, but that pinto you're riding hung around. You got no idea what they were after? -Offend anybody lately? Not for five years. -Jefferson City? No, Leavenworth. -No, Leavenworth. I've never been in there. They just jumped you out of the blue? -I've never been in there. They just jumped you out of the blue? I had to get up anyway. -I had to get up anyway. Me, I'm riding along, minding my own business. Four cowboys come by and we decide to ride together for a while, friendly as can be. I always figure you might as well approach life like everybody's your friend or nobody is... don't make much difference. We get out in the middle of that frying pan and suddenly everybody's pointing their gun but me. I guess they admired my horse. She's a great one, a sweet little bay. -Me, I'm riding along, minding my own business. Four cowboys come by and we decide to ride together for a while, friendly as can be. I always figure you might as well approach life like everybody's your friend or nobody is... don't make much difference. We get out in the middle of that frying pan and suddenly everybody's pointing their gun but me. I guess they admired my horse. She's a great one, a sweet little bay. Looks like that's not all they admired. -Looks like that's not all they admired. Yup. The whole rig. I don't care much about the rest, but I surely will miss that bay. Least they didn't kill me. That was right considerate, I thought. They were laughing when they left me. Thought it was real funny. I walked for a little while but there was no use, so I gave it up. Figured it was just bad luck. -Looks like those boys are headed south, so they weren't the same ones that jumped me. Which way you going? Where's the pinto going? -Where's the pinto going? I gotta stop by Turley and meet a guy. -I gotta stop by Turley and meet a guy. Where's Turley? -Where's Turley? South of here, past Chimayo. -South of here, past Chimayo. Maybe I'll go along as far as Chimayo. Get me some clothes. Maybe a bath. -Maybe I'll go along as far as Chimayo. Get me some clothes. Maybe a bath. Yeah, maybe a bath. -I see what you like, she's mighty pretty. And bridle-wise, too. She's the only thing I lost I really cared about. 'Cept for maybe my hat. It's a great one. Got a pretty silver band on it. My head spent three years training it. I surely do miss that hat. -I gotta be going. Going to Turley, was it? -Going to Turley, was it? Gotta meet a guy and head out for Silverado. -What's Turley like? It's a town... -It's a town... They got a saloon there? -They got a saloon there? I expect. -I expect. Women? -Women? I expect. -Doesn't look quite fair. Which way do you mean? -Shame about the kid. Seems a lively sort. He is that. -He is that. I hate to see any man swing. Bad luck. -I hate to see any man swing. Bad luck. Bad luck for me. Now I gotta bust him out of there. -You'll have to deal me out on that. I've had some experience with that sort of thing, and I don't want any more. I understand. -I understand. It's not going to be easy. -It's not going to be easy. It never is. But he's my brother. We're going to California together. But first we're going to stop in Silverado and see our sister. And I can't show up there with a story like this. -Then I guess this is where we part ways. Sorry. No hard feelings. -No hard feelings. C'mon, I'll buy you a drink. -C'mon, I'll buy you a drink. You haven't got any money. -You haven't got any money. All right, you buy me a drink. -You know, hanging around with you is no picnic. Anybody got any ideas? -Where you been? Oh, I was just checking the, ah... ...you know, lookin' in. -I think I'll ride along with the lady here. Just take a look at this farmland before I come into Silverado. See what makes a trip this hard worth taking. I'll see you around. I'll be around. -Hannah's a smart, pretty woman, but she's got a hard idea for living. Yeah? -Yeah? All I'm saying is, you won't trip over me if you look her up. -All I'm saying is, you won't trip over me if you look her up. I'm going to California with my brother. -Cobb, I want you to meet Emmett. He's a friend of mine. This is Sheriff Cobb. Pleased to meet you, Sheriff. -I'll see you around. Last one to the Midnight Star buys. -You might make a farmer yet. I've got a job. -Daddy? I saw the light. I thought maybe Rae had come back to see me. But I never thought it'd be my boy. I never thought that. -Where is Rae? She's gone, gone to town. She hated working on the farm... ...just like you. -She's gone, gone to town. She hated working on the farm... ...just like you. What happened? -What happened? They run me off. They burned me out. They made it so I couldn't do. Just like Georgia. If you won't sell, they take it anyway. -They run me off. They burned me out. They made it so I couldn't do. Just like Georgia. If you won't sell, they take it anyway. Who? -Who? The cattle! This valley runs down to a clear creek. That's why we picked this spot, and that's why they don't want us here. -The cattle! This valley runs down to a clear creek. That's why we picked this spot, and that's why they don't want us here. You own this land. -You own this land. I paid the government for it, all right. That don't mean much out here. Malachi, I'm living like a wildcat in a cave in those hills. Hiding out, afraid to walk my own land. -I paid the government for it, all right. That don't mean much out here. Malachi, I'm living like a wildcat in a cave in those hills. Hiding out, afraid to walk my own land. What about the law? -What about the law? Whose law? The law here runs a man down -- just like these cattle. -That's a lie. Tomorrow we're going to town to straighten that out once and for all. The next day we'll be back here... farming. And these cattle better be gone. -He acted bravely out there, Hannah. Just bad luck his getting hit. Could have been any one of us. I don't believe in luck. I know what Conrad was like. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. -I don't believe in luck. I know what Conrad was like. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. Never will again. -Never will again. We got married just before this trip, so we could come out here and try the land. It's hard to find a man willing to take on a life like that. -Mr. and Mrs. Parker have agreed to join their parcel to mine. We'll work them together. Mine starts right over there. It's all I've ever wanted. Pretty land, isn't it? And a pretty lady. -A lot of men have told me that. Maybe it's true. I guess some women are slow to believe it. Believe it. -Believe it. They're drawn to me by that. But it never lasts. -They're drawn to me by that. But it never lasts. Why? -Why? Because they don't like what I want. -Because they don't like what I want. What's that? -What's that? I want to build something, make things grow. That takes hard work -- a lifetime of it. That's not why men come to a pretty woman. -J.T.'s done everything he can. I married a brave man. Augie, take that delightful gift your uncle gave you out of here while we're talking. McKendrick picked the new sheriff himself, so J.T. can't even get the law enforced. Half the gunslingers that drift into town turn up on our police force. -Augie's going to grow up here. There's nothing wrong with the land, it's just some of the people. The problem is, Emmett, you killed the wrong McKendrick. -The problem is, Emmett, you killed the wrong McKendrick. Why, J.T., watch what you're saying around Augie. Emmett didn't kill anybody. -It was not -- it was Murdo's. Those McKendricks don't know how to act like human beings. His son is worse than he was. He's smoother, so you don't always hear him coming, but he'll do anything to keep his range free. -His son is worse than he was. He's smoother, so you don't always hear him coming, but he'll do anything to keep his range free. I'm worried what he's going to do when he finds out you boys are back. -You mean you ain't coming with Emmett and me? I can't say I'm convinced you're going anywhere. -I can't say I'm convinced you're going anywhere. Sure we are. We're leaving at dawn. -Sure we are. We're leaving at dawn. I've got no reason to run. It was a fair fight and there were plenty of witnesses. -I've got no reason to run. It was a fair fight and there were plenty of witnesses. Yeah, that's what happened with me too. -Yeah, that's what happened with me too. The other guy drew first. -The other guy drew first. Right! -Didn't he tell you about Blind Pete? We didn't get that far. -We didn't get that far. Blind Pete taught me a great trick. -That's the longest I ever did it. 'Bout bust a gut. What now? -What now? We wait. -Where's your brother? He'll be here. -This a friend of yours? He is now. -He is now. Who is he? -Who is he? Oh, a guy who got run out of town... -Get out of here, Jake. All I did was kiss the girl. -All I did was kiss the girl. That's what you said in Turley. You remember how that ended. -That's what you said in Turley. You remember how that ended. What's the matter, Paden? You afraid I couldn't get those two behind me? -What's the matter, Paden? You afraid I couldn't get those two behind me? I don't want you getting anyone in my place. -New record. Let's get out of here. -Kelly, get over here. You didn't come all this way just to pay me back that money, did you? Kelly, meet my friend Paden. Howdy. -Howdy. Give the man a line of credit. He already owes the house thirteen bucks. -You wanted to see me? We're going to make some adjustments. I wanted you to be here when I offered Paden your job. I think he could do it without getting greedy. Stella and I are tired of you skimming our profits. -What are you talking about? I'm done talking. Get out. -I'm done talking. Get out. You can't do this. -You can't do this. Really? -There are three strangers in this room, traveller, and these gents you are accusing aren't them. Are these your friends? I wanted a drink and a bed. I guess I came to the wrong place. -I wanted a drink and a bed. I guess I came to the wrong place. Came to the wrong town. I don't tolerate this kind of thing. It's hard on the peace, and it's hard on the furniture. Now, knowing a bit about Carter here, I'm going to let you go without paying for the damages. But go you will, and I mean now. -Came to the wrong town. I don't tolerate this kind of thing. It's hard on the peace, and it's hard on the furniture. Now, knowing a bit about Carter here, I'm going to let you go without paying for the damages. But go you will, and I mean now. Is there a place in town that takes... my kind? -Is there a place in town that takes... my kind? You misunderstand. I want you out of town. In fact, I want you all the way out of my jurisdiction. -You misunderstand. I want you out of town. In fact, I want you all the way out of my jurisdiction. That ain't right. -That ain't right. I decide what's right in this jurisdiction. Now move. -What's all this then? This nigger's breaking up my place, Sheriff Langston. -This nigger's breaking up my place, Sheriff Langston. I don't like that word much, Carter. -I don't like that word much, Carter. We don't serve them here and you know it. I asked him to leave and he went crazy on us. He owes me money for this damage. -We don't serve them here and you know it. I asked him to leave and he went crazy on us. He owes me money for this damage. Is that a fact? -Who's going to pay for all this, Sheriff? Don't press your luck, Carter. -Now let's talk about you chaps. We'd rather stay. -We'd rather stay. We'll see about that. I'm Sheriff John Langston. As you may have guessed, I am not from these parts. -We'll see about that. I'm Sheriff John Langston. As you may have guessed, I am not from these parts. You're kidding. -You're kidding. But the good citizens of Turley have taken me in their embrace, and for one simple reason. I maintain the peace. So when strangers come to town, I always ask them their business. Have you come for the hanging? -The jury saw it differently. So this is the guy you're going to hang? -So this is the guy you're going to hang? Tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock. -Tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock. I was afraid of that. -Hello, Rae. What are you doing here? I thought you were done with our family. -What are you doing here? I thought you were done with our family. Daddy's dead. -He was murdered. Who did it? -Who did it? I'm not sure, but I got an idea. And when I am sure, they're going to pay. -I'm not sure, but I got an idea. And when I am sure, they're going to pay. Oh that's just fine. Where were you when Ma and Daddy needed you? It's too late, Mal. Now you finally show up and all you can think of is to get yourself killed. -What are you doing here, Rae? This ain't for you. It's none of your business. -It's none of your business. Rae, all we got is each other. -Rae, all we got is each other. I don't have any family any more. -Get out. We have nothing to talk about. Rae, I need help. -Rae, I need help. Why come to me? -Why come to me? Because you're my sister. There's nobody else. The men who killed Daddy are after Jake. I gotta talk to him. -Because you're my sister. There's nobody else. The men who killed Daddy are after Jake. I gotta talk to him. What's stopping you? -What's stopping you? They're watching the Hollis place. I can't get through. -They're watching the Hollis place. I can't get through. What makes you think I could? -What makes you think I could? Why would they stop you? -Why would they stop you? Because I'm your sister. -Why him? Shut up. You need help, don't you? -This is it, gents. My ma told me to head south past that rock. Good luck, Mal. -Why are they doing this, Mal? Because they enjoy it. -Because they enjoy it. I heard from Stella you were trying to find Jake. What happened to Emmett? -I heard from Stella you were trying to find Jake. What happened to Emmett? You don't know? -I got there just short of too late. Lucky. -Yeah, it's working out real good. Where's Emmett now? -He must be pretty good. He's good, all right. Too good for my men. That's why you've got to take care of it. -He's good, all right. Too good for my men. That's why you've got to take care of it. What about his brother? -What about his brother? We'll handle that. He's careless. -Things are getting messy around here. I hear Ezra Johnson got himself killed. I heard that too. -I heard that too. Did you hear his son is still around? -Hello, Cobb. Hello, Paden. How ya doing? -I see you're prospering without me. It's been a while. -It's been a while. Where's the dog? -Appreciate the loan. I'm good for it. Let's talk about that. I'm looking for some men. -Let's talk about that. I'm looking for some men. I've given that up. -I've given that up. So have I. I've got a legitimate job now. I can use a guy like you. -So have I. I've got a legitimate job now. I can use a guy like you. You've got a legitimate job. -You've got a legitimate job. Yes, sir. You wouldn't believe it. -Yes, sir. You wouldn't believe it. You're right. -This is mighty sweet, Paden. I think I finally found my place in the world. Well I'm real happy for you, Cobb. But I think I'll keep looking for mine. -You got a place to stay? I just got to town. -I just got to town. Stella, we still got an extra room out back, don't we? -What brings you into my saloon? Luck, I guess. -Luck, I guess. Good old Paden. I was hoping you'd changed your mind about the job. -Good old Paden. I was hoping you'd changed your mind about the job. You didn't tell me you owned a saloon. -Nothing like that will happen between us. Maybe we ought to ask Stella. -I took out thirteen dollars. This is a lot of money. -This is a lot of money. I told you this was a sweet set-up. -I told you this was a sweet set-up. It is that. -It is that. Maybe you could run it without Stella. -Easy, boy. Just an idea. Well, thanks, but forget it. -Well, thanks, but forget it. You know, Paden, what makes all this work is me doing my job. The fellows you came to town with are causing some trouble. It's going to take a little straightening out. I have my responsibilities. I want you to understand. It has nothing to do with us. -What is it you want from me? Nothing. Do nothing. Don't get between us. -Nothing. Do nothing. Don't get between us. I'm a great believer in doing nothing. -I'm a great believer in doing nothing. So we understand each other? -So we understand each other? Don't worry about me. If you're taking on Emmett, the last place I want to be is between you. -I'm going to have to look into this. Yeah, maybe I will too. -Yeah, maybe I will too. I thought we talked about that. -I thought we talked about that. We didn't talk about this. They took the little boy, Cobb. -You gotta calm down, Paden. Everything will be put straight in a few days. I saw how you're putting Mal Johnson straight. -I never could count on you to be reasonable. Don't force me to make an adjustment around here. Cobb, you've got nothing I need. -Cobb, you've got nothing I need. I'm not thinking about your future, Paden. I'm worried about Stella. -I'm not thinking about your future, Paden. I'm worried about Stella. What's she got to do with it? -What's she got to do with it? Not a thing. She's just a mutual friend. But if you wind up on the wrong side of this, she's going to get hurt. -What a waste. This could have been such a sweet deal for us. Yeah. Bad luck. Good-bye, Cobb. -Yeah. Bad luck. Good-bye, Cobb. Good-bye, Paden. -You work here? I run the place. What can I get you? -Nifty. The world is what you make of it, friend. If it doesn't fit, you make alterations. -The world is what you make of it, friend. If it doesn't fit, you make alterations. I'll drink to that. Will you join me, Miss -- -I'll drink to that. Will you join me, Miss -- Stella. -Stella. Paden. -Stella... Are you the midnight star herself? I am. I'm always there, but I only shine at night. -My compliments to you, Miss Stella. This is what I call a saloon. Thanks. That's what I call it too. -Thanks. That's what I call it too. And I know what I'm talking about. -And I know what I'm talking about. You like a good saloon? -You like a good saloon? It's the only place I'm happy. -It's the only place I'm happy. Me too. What's wrong with us? -You wouldn't be needing any help around here, would you? Maybe with the gambling? You see that fellow over there in the gray coat? -That's Kelly, my so-called partner. He runs that side. So-called? -So-called? Yeah, aside from being a loud-mouthed, lying cheat, he's just the man I would have picked. -Yeah, aside from being a loud-mouthed, lying cheat, he's just the man I would have picked. Why'd you go into business with him? -Why'd you go into business with him? I don't own this place. The man who does stuck me with Kelly. -I don't own this place. The man who does stuck me with Kelly. Who's the owner? -Who's the owner? Here he comes right now. -Is this a fair mix? I'm saving lives here. The straight stuff would raise a blood blister on boot leather. -I'm saving lives here. The straight stuff would raise a blood blister on boot leather. I meant, seemed like a lot of whiskey. -What's this? That's the good stuff. -That's the good stuff. Oh, yeah? How good? -You really are a gambler. Give me some of the good stuff. -Where's the dog now? He left me. -What is it that I can't figure? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Cobb's got something on you, and it must be pretty good. -What makes you say that? If he didn't you'd never sit still while this was happening. -If he didn't you'd never sit still while this was happening. You sure? Maybe that's the kind of friend I am. -You sure? Maybe that's the kind of friend I am. Nah! What's he got? This is a nice saloon, but there are other nice saloons. It's not the money. Not for you. Why can't I get ahold of it? Cobb says there's no telling what you're going to care about. -Nah! What's he got? This is a nice saloon, but there are other nice saloons. It's not the money. Not for you. Why can't I get ahold of it? Cobb says there's no telling what you're going to care about. Is that what he said? Well, he figured it okay this time. -Some people think because they're stronger -- or meaner -- they can push you around. I've seen a lot of that. But it's only true if you let it be. The world is what you make of it. I like your attitude. But it can be risky. -I like your attitude. But it can be risky. I'm ready for that. -How about you? I don't want you to get hurt. -I don't want you to get hurt. He can't hurt me if he's dead. -I've got a place I can hide her. You better get in there with her until this thing is over. -Stella, this is one of my oldest surviving friends. Treat him right. That was my plan. -That was my plan. Oh, yeah, you two are going to get along fine. You got a lot in common. -It's an advance. We want him to know he's going to be happy here. I wouldn't worry about that. -I wouldn't worry about that. I thought you two would get along. -From what I've seen, Paden doesn't care much about money. He says he doesn't care about anything, but he does. There's just no telling what it's going to be. --- Forgive me, Mr. Taransky. I'm just trying to understand. All these films, TV appearances, magazine covers, internet interviews, publicity photos, snapshots from her childhood -- all fake. This is fake, this is fake -- fake, fake, fake, all fake. That's right. You understand perfectly. I will confess to fraud, not murder. -That's right. You understand perfectly. I will confess to fraud, not murder. A fan club with a worldwide membership in the millions -- also bogus? -A fan club with a worldwide membership in the millions -- also bogus? Oh, no. The fan club is real. But they were worshipping computer code -- ones and zeros. -Oh, no. The fan club is real. But they were worshipping computer code -- ones and zeros. So, of course, you couldn't kill Simone because there never was a Simone. -So, of course, you couldn't kill Simone because there never was a Simone. Of course. -Of course. "And this Mr. Hank Aleno who you talk so much about, a renowned failure, who also happens to be so conveniently dead -- perhaps the ""man"" you claim helped invent Simone is an invention himself?" -But not everyone's imaginary, are they, Mr. Taransky? I refer, of course, to Edith. Who? -Can you tell us why you were disposing of the body of a woman who didn't exist? It wasn't her body. It was her body of work. -It wasn't her body. It was her body of work. Why don't you just come clean, Viktor? Tell the truth. You'll feel better afterwards. -Why don't you just come clean, Viktor? Tell the truth. You'll feel better afterwards. I am telling the truth. -I am telling the truth. We all know what happened. In a fit of jealous rage you killed Simone and dumped her body off a boat she bought for you. -We all know what happened. In a fit of jealous rage you killed Simone and dumped her body off a boat she bought for you. No!! I can prove it to you. I'll take you to her. -I'd love to stop somewhere but I'm late. I'm on my way to see Viktor now. No, I understand. That's what I want to talk about. I don't know if you know this, Simone, but Viktor and I were married once. -No, I understand. That's what I want to talk about. I don't know if you know this, Simone, but Viktor and I were married once. I can't imagine how you ever let a man like that go. I owe Viktor everything. -I can't imagine how you ever let a man like that go. I owe Viktor everything. I think he owes more to you. But that's not important now. I know what's going on between you two. -I think he owes more to you. But that's not important now. I know what's going on between you two. I want to reassure you, Elaine, there's absolutely nothing going on between Viktor and I. -I want to reassure you, Elaine, there's absolutely nothing going on between Viktor and I. You don't have to protect my feelings, Simone. I don't blame Viktor for falling in love with the most desirable woman in the world. -You don't have to protect my feelings, Simone. I don't blame Viktor for falling in love with the most desirable woman in the world. I'm not -- He's not. -My God, are you alright, Simone? Damn -- Yes -- I -- -- I'm just a little tired. Listen, Elaine, Viktor and I -- it's strictly a working relationship. We could never be anything else. We're just so... different. -Damn -- Yes -- I -- -- I'm just a little tired. Listen, Elaine, Viktor and I -- it's strictly a working relationship. We could never be anything else. We're just so... different. Exactly. You're a household name now. You're moving in entirely different worlds. That's why I hope you're not toying with Viktor. -Exactly. You're a household name now. You're moving in entirely different worlds. That's why I hope you're not toying with Viktor. It sounds like you still have feelings for him. -It sounds like you still have feelings for him. We have a daughter together. I just don't want to see Viktor get hurt. -We have a daughter together. I just don't want to see Viktor get hurt. I don't know how many times I have to say this, Elaine, but Viktor and I are not in love. I only make love to the camera. -I don't know how many times I have to say this, Elaine, but Viktor and I are not in love. I only make love to the camera. Simone, I recognize the shirt you're wearing. I gave it to Viktor on his birthday. -Christ -- Elaine, I know how it looks but... ... it would mean a lot to Viktor if you'd go with him to the Oscars. If you won't do it for him, please do it for me. Okay -- for you. -Okay -- for you. Thanks. This is my exit so, I -- -Thanks. This is my exit so, I -- I'm glad we talked. -I'm glad we talked. Good-bye. -Of course she is. No other name is going to sign on now and risk offending her. We don't need a name. We'll cast an unknown. -No! You will not give in to that blackmailing bitch! Excuse us. -God, Viktor. Why do you always have to make things so difficult for yourself? Difficult. I'm difficult. --- Do you know what these are, Elaine? Hmm... Mike and Ike's. -Hmm... Mike and Ike's. Not just any Mike & Ike's -- cherry Mike & Ike's. Do you know why I, Viktor Taransky, two-time Academy Award nominated director -- -Not just any Mike & Ike's -- cherry Mike & Ike's. Do you know why I, Viktor Taransky, two-time Academy Award nominated director -- -- Viktor, that was Short Subject. --- Viktor, that was Short Subject. -- overseeing the most cherished movie project of my career, am walking around with a pocketful of cherry Mike & Ike's? --- I have a feeling you're going to tell me. -- I'll tell you why. It is because Miss Nicola Anders, supermodel with a SAG card God's gift to cinema, has it written into her contract that all cherry Mike & Ike's be removed from her candy dish along with strict instructions that any room she walks into should have seven packs of cigarettes waiting for her three of them opened, that there be a personal jacuzzi within eighty paces of her dressing room, and that any time she travels, her nanny must fly with her first class. --- I'll tell you why. It is because Miss Nicola Anders, supermodel with a SAG card God's gift to cinema, has it written into her contract that all cherry Mike & Ike's be removed from her candy dish along with strict instructions that any room she walks into should have seven packs of cigarettes waiting for her three of them opened, that there be a personal jacuzzi within eighty paces of her dressing room, and that any time she travels, her nanny must fly with her first class. -- What's wrong with that? --- What's wrong with that? Elaine, she doesn't have any children! Don't you see? We're being held hostage by 12 men and 5 women who someone somewhere has decreed are the A-list. -Elaine, she doesn't have any children! Don't you see? We're being held hostage by 12 men and 5 women who someone somewhere has decreed are the A-list. The public decides who's on that list. -The public decides who's on that list. Please. -Please. It's the truth. Those 17 superstars are our insurance policy. We can't open -- can't make a profit without them. -It's the truth. Those 17 superstars are our insurance policy. We can't open -- can't make a profit without them. We can hardly make a profit with them. Up-front salary, back-end deal, perks, per diem, percentages -- They're mocking us, Elaine. We're at their mercy. We always had movie stars but they used to be our stars. We used to decide who would play what role. We told them what to wear, what to say, who to date. When they were under contract, we could change their names if we wanted to -- more than once! -We can hardly make a profit with them. Up-front salary, back-end deal, perks, per diem, percentages -- They're mocking us, Elaine. We're at their mercy. We always had movie stars but they used to be our stars. We used to decide who would play what role. We told them what to wear, what to say, who to date. When they were under contract, we could change their names if we wanted to -- more than once! You realize you're nostalgic for an era you weren't even born in? -You realize you're nostalgic for an era you weren't even born in? Well, I do remember why I started out in this business -- you seem to have forgotten -- working in New York with Cassevetes -- we were trying to do something important, shine a light in that darkened cinema -- -Well, I do remember why I started out in this business -- you seem to have forgotten -- working in New York with Cassevetes -- we were trying to do something important, shine a light in that darkened cinema -- -- It's called a projector. --- It's called a projector. -- Illuminate hearts and minds with a ray of truth. --- Illuminate hearts and minds with a ray of truth. Listen, Viktor, I have good memories of those days too -- but this isn't about that or you or me or some high-minded ideal. This is business. -Listen, Viktor, I have good memories of those days too -- but this isn't about that or you or me or some high-minded ideal. This is business. Spare me. -Spare me. -- Christ, Viktor, look around. What do you think pays for all this? This is about investment and return. Those days in New York... that's... it's over. -You're not renewing my contract. How can I? Your last three pictures tanked. The board is giving me hell. No bankable star will work with you after this. If you just compromised... a little. -I'm not taking away your daughter, just your deal. You and I both know, after the divorce I kept you on for old time's sake, so you could still hold your head up in front of Lainey. I called what's his name at Warner's. He said he'd take a meeting -- in July. I've fought for you Viktor... You want to talk severance? You can have everything -- office, car, assistants -- all I want is the picture. -You can have everything -- office, car, assistants -- all I want is the picture. The picture's dead. -The picture's dead. So there's no problem -- I can have the rights, the negative too? -So there's no problem -- I can have the rights, the negative too? They're yours. But how are you going to finish it? Without a star there's no movie. -They're yours. But how are you going to finish it? Without a star there's no movie. I don't need a star. All I need is an actor -- I'll reshoot the part, cut out Nicola and replace her with a real actor. A real leading lady. -I don't need a star. All I need is an actor -- I'll reshoot the part, cut out Nicola and replace her with a real actor. A real leading lady. Even if you find her, you know the problem with unknowns, Viktor. If they're good, they get known. And then you're back to sorting their candy... and worse. I'm sorry, Viktor. -Where is she? Good to see you too, Elaine. -Good to see you too, Elaine. Why isn't she with you? -Why isn't she with you? Why? Because she would never show up at something like this. She's intensely private. -Viktor... I want to thank you for convincing Simone to sign with the studio. Don't thank me. It was entirely Simone's decision. Do you have Simone's check? -Don't thank me. It was entirely Simone's decision. Do you have Simone's check? "I don't have it on me. Anyway, it means a lot. Have you read the reviews? They're love letters. Listen to this one. ""Simone has the voice of a young Jane Fonda, the body of Sophia Loren, the grace of, well, Grace Kelley, and the face of Audrey Hepburn combined with an angel""." -"I don't have it on me. Anyway, it means a lot. Have you read the reviews? They're love letters. Listen to this one. ""Simone has the voice of a young Jane Fonda, the body of Sophia Loren, the grace of, well, Grace Kelley, and the face of Audrey Hepburn combined with an angel""." Almost right. -Almost right. I can't wait to meet her. -I can't wait to meet her. I don't know if that's going to happen. -I don't know if that's going to happen. Why not? -Why not? As I say, she's... something of a recluse. That's how she's able to stay so pure -- by isolating herself in her art. -As I say, she's... something of a recluse. That's how she's able to stay so pure -- by isolating herself in her art. Don't be ridiculous. I arranged a press conference. -Don't be ridiculous. I arranged a press conference. Out of the question. A circus like that? -Out of the question. A circus like that? Viktor, it's my studio. -Viktor, it's my studio. She's my actor. There are other studios, Elaine. There's only one Simone. Leave the press conference to me. -Sorry I didn't get her back in time. No problem. Do you want to come in? -No problem. Do you want to come in? Why not? -"Viktor, we simply have to talk about ""Eternity...""" """Forever""." -"""Forever""." Whatever. I still haven't received Simone's script notes. -Whatever. I still haven't received Simone's script notes. "There aren't any. If the filmmakers are happy, Simone's happy. She considers herself an... ""instrument""." -"There aren't any. If the filmmakers are happy, Simone's happy. She considers herself an... ""instrument""." Really? Oh, so she's really going to do all this nudity? -Really? Oh, so she's really going to do all this nudity? If it's on the page... -Well, something has to be done about this budget. It's completely unrealistic. You allowed nothing for limousine service. She'll drive herself. -She'll drive herself. Hair and make-up? -Hair and make-up? She'll do her own. Theater training. -She'll do her own. Theater training. She was in the theater? When? Where? -She was in the theater? When? Where? I'll send you her resume. -I'll send you her resume. Al least a contingency for wardrobe. Any woman can go up a dress size. -Al least a contingency for wardrobe. Any woman can go up a dress size. -- I guarantee she won't gain an once. She's very disciplined. --- I guarantee she won't gain an once. She's very disciplined. "Well, we have to do something about this -- ""stuntwoman""." -"Well, we have to do something about this -- ""stuntwoman""." What about it? -What about it? There isn't one. -There isn't one. No need. She does all her own stunts. -No need. She does all her own stunts. Even the fall from the plane? -Even the fall from the plane? Even the fall from the plane. -Even the fall from the plane. Well, shoot it on the last day. -As I've tried to explain to you, Elaine. Simone isn't like any other actress you've ever known. She's about the work and only the work -- lives for the work. She wants all the money up there... ... on the screen where it belongs. She'd work for scale except I know you only respect people you pay a fortune. Which accounts for your percentage. When do I get to meet this dream? -Which accounts for your percentage. When do I get to meet this dream? Not today. She's learning her lines. You can also take cue cards and teleprompter out of the budget. -Not today. She's learning her lines. You can also take cue cards and teleprompter out of the budget. I'll walk you out. -Listen, Viktor... I want to talk to you now, not as Elaine, studio head, but Elaine, ex-wife. Second ex-wife. You got lucky this last time but you need to be careful. We both know you wouldn't be making this overblown art film of you hadn't convinced Simone to be in it. Elaine, talking to you now, not as Viktor, director, but Viktor, ex husband... what the hell happened to you? -Elaine, talking to you now, not as Viktor, director, but Viktor, ex husband... what the hell happened to you? Experience, Viktor. I've seen this a hundred times -- young stars destroying the very people who discovered them. I'm worried about you, that's all. This woman -- she controls your destiny. -Experience, Viktor. I've seen this a hundred times -- young stars destroying the very people who discovered them. I'm worried about you, that's all. This woman -- she controls your destiny. Simone does not control my destiny. -Simone does not control my destiny. Viktor, I have a feeling. One of my feelings. There's something about her I don't trust. -Stunning, Viktor. The Hollywood Foreign Press is going to eat this up. Thank you. What did you think, Lainey? -I got them to remove the reflection. The mirror's metaphor -- to show how her character's inwardly dead. That's genius, Viktor. Was that Simone's idea? -That's genius, Viktor. Was that Simone's idea? Who else? It's always Simone's idea. -Maybe you're right. Twelve years after your daughter's born you decide to become a father. Better late than never. -Better late than never. I should fire you more often. The film's looking wonderful. -I should fire you more often. The film's looking wonderful. You really think so? -You really think so? Yes. To be honest I never quite saw this film before -- maybe it's the way Simone is playing it -- but what it's saying about the illusion of permanence in everyday life, how that's the only way we can love -- I think it's really going to mean something. -Yes. To be honest I never quite saw this film before -- maybe it's the way Simone is playing it -- but what it's saying about the illusion of permanence in everyday life, how that's the only way we can love -- I think it's really going to mean something. Thank you. I'll tell Simone you liked it. -Thank you. I'll tell Simone you liked it. I'd love to tell her myself. When are you going to let me meet her? -I'd love to tell her myself. When are you going to let me meet her? Soon. Soon. -Soon. Soon. Everyone I know has met her, Viktor. -Everyone I know has met her, Viktor. Everyone you know is lying. -Everyone you know is lying. That's true. --- You can't go in there! -- We have to talk to her, Viktor! --- It's starting to look like she doesn't support the film or you, Viktor. If you can't handle her, I will. "Not now. She's emotional. Her mother dies today. Scene forty-two of ""Good For Nothing"". It's not a good time." -So, the secret's finally out, Viktor. -- I can explain. --- I can explain. -- I don't think that's necessary. I think it's perfectly clear. I should have guessed -- it all makes sense now... it's why she never goes anywhere, never seen in public... -The premiere was the first time I've convinced her to venture out and it just confirmed her worst nightmares. Viktor, you should have said something. -Viktor, you should have said something. She doesn't want pity. -She doesn't want pity. You're so good to protect her like this. -I'll tell you what. I know how much this means to you. I'll try to get her to plug the film. I'm not promising anything but maybe she'll do a talk show -- taped. Oh, make it live -- please, Viktor. -Oh, make it live -- please, Viktor. I'll try. Maybe live but remote. She'll never go to them. -She was there. She didn't by any chance happen to mention me? She said you were very beautiful. -She said you were very beautiful. Really? -Really? Elaine, what are you doing tonight? Would you like to go somewhere -- dinner? -Elaine, what are you doing tonight? Would you like to go somewhere -- dinner? I'd love to. But aren't you supposed to meet up with Simone? -I'd love to. But aren't you supposed to meet up with Simone? Oh, yes. Of course. Don't I always? --- Viktor, are you with her? Is she there? No. -Are you and Simone... ... getting married? No, of course not! Why? Would you care if we were? -No, of course not! Why? Would you care if we were? Well, yes. From a studio point of view, it would be better if Simone stayed single. Anyhow, I thought she came across great tonight. Intelligent, well informed, a natural. And touching. She was spectacular. -Well, yes. From a studio point of view, it would be better if Simone stayed single. Anyhow, I thought she came across great tonight. Intelligent, well informed, a natural. And touching. She was spectacular. Thank you. -Viktor, do you realize you always do that? Do what? -Do what? Whenever I compliment Simone, you take the credit. -Whenever I compliment Simone, you take the credit. I do? -I do? Yes, you do... Anyway, tonight was a good start. -Yes, you do... Anyway, tonight was a good start. Excuse me? Start? -Excuse me? Start? It's a crowded summer. We need every photo-opp, sound-byte and column inch we can get. Good night, Viktor. -My two favorite girls. Lainey and I just wanted to congratulate... -... Simone. She's lying down. She's exhausted. -She's lying down. She's exhausted. I can imagine. -Elaine, it's Wednesday. Is it Wednesday? It's Wednesday. How embarrassing. I don't know what I was thinking. With all the excitement lately... Am I interrupting something? Are you expecting company? -Is it Wednesday? It's Wednesday. How embarrassing. I don't know what I was thinking. With all the excitement lately... Am I interrupting something? Are you expecting company? As a matter-of-fact I am. -As a matter-of-fact I am. When is she coming over? -When is she coming over? About now. Would you like a drink? -About now. Would you like a drink? I suppose I could stay, just until she arrives. -Is Simone back to earth yet? Not quite. -Not quite. I'm sure you'll keep her focussed. She's lucky to have you, Viktor. Is she really having your baby? -I'm sure you'll keep her focussed. She's lucky to have you, Viktor. Is she really having your baby? Impossible. -Impossible. I just read somewhere -- -I just read somewhere -- I know. I know. They'll say anything. -I know. I know. They'll say anything. -- And she was positively glowing at the awards. I should be going, she'll be here soon -- --- She already is. Simone's not coming over, Elaine. Not tonight, not ever. I want you back, Elaine. I want you back too, Viktor. -This is crazy. Who am I fooling? I can't compete with Simone. What woman can? I would rather have you than Simone. Believe me. -I would rather have you than Simone. Believe me. That's sweet, Viktor, but I couldn't let you do that -- make that kind of sacrifice. It's strange. I've stabbed people in the back, clawed and slept my way to where I am -- it goes with the territory -- but, for some reason, I can't betray Simone. There's... I don't know any other way to say it -- there's a goodness to her. -That's sweet, Viktor, but I couldn't let you do that -- make that kind of sacrifice. It's strange. I've stabbed people in the back, clawed and slept my way to where I am -- it goes with the territory -- but, for some reason, I can't betray Simone. There's... I don't know any other way to say it -- there's a goodness to her. No, there isn't. There's nothing to her. -No, there isn't. There's nothing to her. Oh, Viktor. You say that now -- because we're here, alone, like this. But in the morning, you'd go back to her. What man wouldn't? -Oh, Viktor. You say that now -- because we're here, alone, like this. But in the morning, you'd go back to her. What man wouldn't? No, I will end my relationship with her -- totally. -No, I will end my relationship with her -- totally. But you don't understand. She'll always be there -- at some party, on some magazine cover, some song on the radio, up on some screen. -But you don't understand. She'll always be there -- at some party, on some magazine cover, some song on the radio, up on some screen. No. She'll never work again -- retire, never make a movie or a record, or appear ever again. -No. She'll never work again -- retire, never make a movie or a record, or appear ever again. Of course she will. Her public will demand it. -Of course she will. Her public will demand it. Not if I don't let her. -Not if I don't let her. You? -I'm going to tell you a secret now, Elaine. Simone is not a real person. I invented her. Every actor is an invention, Viktor. Don't embarrass yourself. No one's denying that you discovered Simone. But it's like finding a diamond in the desert. Anyone can trip over it, but it's not the finder who sparkles. -Every actor is an invention, Viktor. Don't embarrass yourself. No one's denying that you discovered Simone. But it's like finding a diamond in the desert. Anyone can trip over it, but it's not the finder who sparkles. -- No, no, I didn't trip over her. You don't understand -- --- No, no, I didn't trip over her. You don't understand -- -- You just got lucky that she's loyal enough to stay with you. Maybe she's staying out of pity, who knows? She certainly doesn't need you. Some people even say you're holding her back. --- You just got lucky that she's loyal enough to stay with you. Maybe she's staying out of pity, who knows? She certainly doesn't need you. Some people even say you're holding her back. Who says that -- ? -- Never mind. You have to listen to me, Elaine. Simone is thin air, pixels, molded by me from a mathematical equation. I inherited it from a madman -- I can show you -- -Who says that -- ? -- Never mind. You have to listen to me, Elaine. Simone is thin air, pixels, molded by me from a mathematical equation. I inherited it from a madman -- I can show you -- How much wine have you had? -How much wine have you had? -- She's a figment of my own imagination. I, Viktor Taransky, have perpetrated the greatest hoax, the greatest sleight-of-hand, sleight-of-mouth, sleight-of- sleight in entertainment history! And still no one appreciates me, recognizes what I've done -- even you. --- She's a figment of my own imagination. I, Viktor Taransky, have perpetrated the greatest hoax, the greatest sleight-of-hand, sleight-of-mouth, sleight-of- sleight in entertainment history! And still no one appreciates me, recognizes what I've done -- even you. You're drunker than I thought. Are you doing that again? -You're drunker than I thought. Are you doing that again? No! Whatever talent Simone has comes from me -- me! Me! I swear, as God is my judge. You don't know what I've been through. Tens of thousands of mind-numbing hours in front of that screen, nights without end, and look what it's cost me. Why do you think I've been wearing these? I may have done irreparable harm to my eyesight, and why? To extract and refine the infinite nuances of a human being -- a human soul. Don't you see? I made Simone! -Can I see you later -- go away for the weekend? How can you bring that up at a time like this? -Thank you! I don't know how you did it but thank you. Don't thank us too fast, Viktor. You know what we have to do? -Don't thank us too fast, Viktor. You know what we have to do? Why stop at one character when you can have a whole cast? -Why stop at one character when you can have a whole cast? Exactly. Now that you have the studio behind you, we can really do things. -"I was thinking -- what about you and... ""Simone"" moving back in with me and Lainey?" That sounds wonderful. How do you feel about all this, Lainey? -Don't look so glum, Viktor. It's not a death sentence. No... it's life. -Hello? Hello, is this Elaine? -Hello, is this Elaine? Yes -- oh my, God. Is that you, Simone?! I've been wanting to talk to you. -Yes -- oh my, God. Is that you, Simone?! I've been wanting to talk to you. Well, here I am. You look pretty today. Red suits you. -Well, here I am. You look pretty today. Red suits you. Where are you? -Where are you? Right beside you. I borrowed Viktor's car. -Mom, do you miss Dad? Sometimes. But, just when I think your father's changing for the better, I realize he's as self absorbed as ever. He took the credit for Simone tonight. -Thank Simone for the tickets. It was a great show, Dad... -Let's go, Lainey. There's nothing here. Just a minute. -God, it's so like your father. Why can't people take responsibility for their actions anymore? I can almost forgive him for killing Simone -- but denying her existence. I can never forgive that. Because obviously she existed, right? -Because obviously she existed, right? I know it as surely as you're sitting here, sweetheart. She was the most vital woman I ever met. -I know it as surely as you're sitting here, sweetheart. She was the most vital woman I ever met. So you did meet her? -So you did meet her? Of course. What are you suggesting? -Of course. What are you suggesting? I mean really meet her -- in the flesh. -I know it's embarrassing to admit it, mom, but when I think about it -- honestly, I haven't. I mean, it feels like I have. I know more about her than members of my own family. She's even in my dreams. But I realized, going back through my diary, they were all TV appearances, near misses at parties, second-hand rumor, gossip on the internet. I've never actually seen Simone up close, touched her, been in her physical presence. Have you? Well, I -- -Well, I -- -- We don't believe daddy because we don't want to believe we were taken in too. --- We don't believe daddy because we don't want to believe we were taken in too. Lainey, there's no evidence that Simone isn't real. -Lainey, there's no evidence that Simone isn't real. Listen to what you're saying, mom. Is there any evidence she is? -You had no choice, Elaine. He's a liability. He also happens to be the most talented man I've ever known. -I can't believe she's doing this -- taking advantage of him this way. It's cruel. Why? -Why? Obviously, this can't last. She's going to dump him. Viktor won't be able to take that. He's too sensitive. It'll destroy him. -Obviously, this can't last. She's going to dump him. Viktor won't be able to take that. He's too sensitive. It'll destroy him. Elaine, do you realize you can't stop talking about Viktor? -Elaine, do you realize you can't stop talking about Viktor? I have to talk to her. -Thank God for you, Faith. I know this is above and beyond the call of duty for a stand-in. You don't know what a service you're performing for Simone -- shielding her from those animals. No, thank God for you, Mr. Taransky. How many men would go to so much trouble to protect a woman? -You understand you'll have to come back to my place to keep them off the, er... ... scent. Of course. -Of course. You look so, so... -You look so, so... ... so much like her? -... so much like her? Yes, of course, but very beautiful in your own right. -Yes, of course, but very beautiful in your own right. I do find myself physically attracted to you, Mr. Taransky. -What?... What did you say? Do what you do to Simone. -Do what you do to Simone. What I do to Simone? -What I do to Simone? Yes, call me Simone. -Yes, call me Simone. Simone? -Simone? Yes, yes, again, again. Do what you do to Simone. I want to know what it's like to be her just for one night. -Yes, yes, again, again. Do what you do to Simone. I want to know what it's like to be her just for one night. You're with me to be close to her? -You're with me to be close to her? Is that a problem? -"""Why are we here? Is that what you're asking, Jack?... Why are we here? No why. Just here""." Please put your clothes on -Well, no one could accuse you of being over-exposed, Simone. Why have you stayed so completely out of the limelight? I just think actors talk too much. Does the world really want to hear your life story just because you've got a movie opening Friday? -I just think actors talk too much. Does the world really want to hear your life story just because you've got a movie opening Friday? Of course, the only problem with shying away from publicity these days is that it tends to attract more. -Don't I know it. That's the only reason I'm here now -- to put the attention back where it belongs, on Mr. Taransky's film. You don't secretly want the attention? -You don't secretly want the attention? I'm not even sure I deserve it. After tonight I'll have almost as much screen time on your show as I do in my movies. How is that healthy for a performer? -Because, you have to understand, Frank, these interviews -- none of this is real. Who I am on screen and who I really am are two totally different people. Who are you really? -Who are you really? "That's a good question. As Nietzsche said, ""Whenever a man strives long and hard to appear someone else...""" -No, I'm okay. Let's talk about the work that you care so much about. -Let's talk about the work that you care so much about. Sure. Where would you like to start? -Sure. Where would you like to start? How about the nudity? -How about the nudity? Nudity has just never been an issue for me, Frank. For me, clothes are just an option. -Nudity has just never been an issue for me, Frank. For me, clothes are just an option. What exactly was it that attracted you to your first two projects? -What exactly was it that attracted you to your first two projects? I suppose the thing I like most about the movies I'm in is that they're not about special effects. -"-- Simone, the question on everyone's mind is simply... ""why?""" Frank, you know as well as I do, living in a fish bowl, the insatiable appetite of the media... -With everything that was going on in my life, I just needed to drop out of sight for a while -- I needed time. Viktor bought me that time. I owe him so much. We all do. But now I understand you're eager to get back to work -- and not the kind of work that we're all expecting. -We all do. But now I understand you're eager to get back to work -- and not the kind of work that we're all expecting. That's true. I can reveal that I am considering a career in politics. -That's true. I can reveal that I am considering a career in politics. And what may I ask brought this on? -Nicola Anders is the only actress who can play that role. It's a re-make, Hal. Anders is not bigger than this picture. -Viktor, I'm so happy for us! Hello, Hal. -Hello, Hal. The film. The chemistry. No reflections on Nicola but Simone and I -- we were just so right together. -The film. The chemistry. No reflections on Nicola but Simone and I -- we were just so right together. You never were together, Hal. -You never were together, Hal. "And still the connection was undeniable. I haven't read ""Eternity Forever"" but I know it's brilliant. And I know I would be perfect for Clive." -"And still the connection was undeniable. I haven't read ""Eternity Forever"" but I know it's brilliant. And I know I would be perfect for Clive." Clyde. -Clyde. Yes, perfect. As a matter of fact, I ran into Simone on the lot the other day. -Yes, perfect. As a matter of fact, I ran into Simone on the lot the other day. Really? She didn't mention it. -Really? She didn't mention it. I'm sure she's meeting with a lot of people right now. She is just as you described her, Viktor... indescribable. I strongly sensed she thought I was right for it. -You'll never guess who I'm with... you ran into him on the lot. It was more in passing. -It was more in passing. "You're so far off! Hal... Hal Sinclair... your co- star. Remember now?... No, I don't think he's put on weight. Anyway, you think he's right for ""Eternity Forever""?... not the right type?... a different direction... I'll try to talk her into it." -How will you do our love scenes? Body double. -Body double. For her? -For her? For you. I want you to know, Simone appreciates you all working for scale. But why am I thanking you? Simone can thank you herself. She insisted on speaking with you before filming begins. She's on the line now. -Hal, what are you doing? Viktor, Clyde simply has to get close to Simone in this scene! He has to touch her. He has to! -Viktor, Clyde simply has to get close to Simone in this scene! He has to touch her. He has to! Absolutely not! -Absolutely not! But she's right there! I must feel her! -But she's right there! I must feel her! You can't. -You can't. Why not? -Why not? There's... a wall between you -- -There's... a wall between you -- -- an emotional wall, I know. That's why -- --- an emotional wall, I know. That's why -- -- No. No. A real wall. You ran right through it. --- No. No. A real wall. You ran right through it. How did the wall get there? -How did the wall get there? I can't explain it to you now -- you'll see when it's all put together. Anyway, we got it a couple of takes ago. Let's move on. -Is she here? I'm fine, Hal. How are you? -I'm fine, Hal. How are you? Somebody said she was here. -You know I sometimes forget she has bodily functions. I know what you mean. -I know what you mean. I have to talk to her about my experimental film. It's very... experimental. -No. In fact, between us, she doesn't really exist. Simone! --- Mr. Taransky, Mr. Taransky... thank God. I've been trying to see you, calling -- Your assistant wouldn't put me through. I told her it was a matter of life and death. I was afraid I wouldn't get to you in time -- -- Please, get away from me. --- Please, get away from me. I did it, Mr. Taransky. I licked skin. I licked hair. I licked every part of her. -I did it, Mr. Taransky. I licked skin. I licked hair. I licked every part of her. You want me to call Security? -You want me to call Security? I have her, Mr. Taransky. The answer to your prayers. The answer to this. -I have her, Mr. Taransky. The answer to your prayers. The answer to this. I was misquoted. -I was misquoted. I have your new leading lady... ... right here in my pants. -"It's me, Mr. Taransky. Don't you recognize me? -- The Future of Film conference in San Jose. Hank... Hank Aleno. I was keynote speaker. You must remember my speech... ""Who Needs Humans?""" That's right. You were booed off the stage. That's got to be -- ? -That's right. You were booed off the stage. That's got to be -- ? -- Eight years ago. In that whole time, I never left my computer. --- Eight years ago. In that whole time, I never left my computer. Good for you, Hank. -Good for you, Hank. Good and bad. They think that's what caused this. Me eye tumor. Microwaves from the screen. It's the size of a grapefruit. Heavy too. -Good and bad. They think that's what caused this. Me eye tumor. Microwaves from the screen. It's the size of a grapefruit. Heavy too. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Don't be. It was worth it. -You have to see her. I've seen them all before. -I've seen them all before. Not like this -- -Not like this -- Come on, Hank. A synthespian, virtual actor -- ? -Come on, Hank. A synthespian, virtual actor -- ? "-- We call them ""vactors""." -"-- We call them ""vactors""." I need flesh and -- -I need flesh and -- -- Flesh is weak. --- Flesh is weak. -- a living, breathing actor -- I can't work with a fake. -You already do. But my actor won't get old, fat, lazy or drunk -- won't throw tantrums, demand a body double, script changes or a bigger trailer. The Disney Corporation has been using artificial actors for years. That's the point, Hank. No matter how good they are, they're still Mickey Mouse. Everyone's tried. Everyone's failed. It can't be done. -That's the point, Hank. No matter how good they are, they're still Mickey Mouse. Everyone's tried. Everyone's failed. It can't be done. It can -- with my new computer code, you and me, we can do it together. -It can -- with my new computer code, you and me, we can do it together. I don't know anything about computers. -I don't know anything about computers. That's why you're so perfect. You have something I don't have. -That's why you're so perfect. You have something I don't have. What's that? -What's that? An eye -- for performance. You know the truth when you see it. I know. I've seen your movies. I love your movies. -An eye -- for performance. You know the truth when you see it. I know. I've seen your movies. I love your movies. You do? -You do? """Straw God"" changed my life." -"""Straw God"" changed my life." You saw that? -You saw that? I've seen every frame of your work. You're the only filmmaker in Hollywood with the artistic integrity to realize my vision. You and me, art and science... we are the perfect marriage. -I've seen every frame of your work. You're the only filmmaker in Hollywood with the artistic integrity to realize my vision. You and me, art and science... we are the perfect marriage. Listen, Hank, it's been a rough day. I'll call you about his next week. -Listen, Hank, it's been a rough day. I'll call you about his next week. I won't be here next week. The tumor's inoperable. I'll be dead. -I won't be here next week. The tumor's inoperable. I'll be dead. I'm already dead. -Harry! Harry! Can we have a minute? What brings you here tonight? I just came out to support my good friend, Simone. -I just came out to support my good friend, Simone. "There's a rumor that you're more than just ""good friends""?" -"There's a rumor that you're more than just ""good friends""?" We've been seeing each other, sure, but we'd rather keep our relationship private. -We've been seeing each other, sure, but we'd rather keep our relationship private. Do I hear the sound of... wedding bells? -Do I hear the sound of... wedding bells? I can't believe you people! No wonder she never comes to these things! -Hi, Dad. Hello, sweetheart. -I'm sorry Mom canned you. It's really... not anything, Lainey. It's just -- -It's really... not anything, Lainey. It's just -- Don't feel too bad. Mom runs the place and they still walk all over her. You're better off out of it. -Don't feel too bad. Mom runs the place and they still walk all over her. You're better off out of it. You look very grown up. What are you doing? You meeting your mom for dinner? -I'm going to finish the picture, sweetheart. It's important. I know you'll do it, Dad. You're Viktor Taransky. -Hi, Dad. Hello, Lainey. -Your mother couldn't make it? "She's at the premiere of ""A Cold Day In Hell"". But I think she send someone from Acquisitions." -"She's at the premiere of ""A Cold Day In Hell"". But I think she send someone from Acquisitions." She still with Kent? -She still with Kent? This week anyhow. -Not quite how I imagined it -- -- You finished the film on your own terms, that's what matters. Did you really do all the post yourself? --- You finished the film on your own terms, that's what matters. Did you really do all the post yourself? There was no other way. -There was no other way. I missed you. I wondered if you were ever coming back. -I missed you. I wondered if you were ever coming back. Me too. -Me too. Well, I can't wait to meet Simone... what's her last name? -Well, I can't wait to meet Simone... what's her last name? You know, I... don't know. -You know, I... don't know. Is she here tonight? -Is she here tonight? She can't watch herself. -She's a miracle, Dad. Where did you find her? I saw her picture on the, er... internet. You really didn't notice anything -- unusual? -I saw her picture on the, er... internet. You really didn't notice anything -- unusual? Only her brilliance. To be honest, with what you had to work with, I was expecting a train wreck. You really pulled it off. -Can't you stop that? Why? -Why? Those things can be dangerous. Staring at a screen all day -- you miss what's going on outside in the real world. You can lose yourself. You should get out more. How are you going to meet boys? -Those things can be dangerous. Staring at a screen all day -- you miss what's going on outside in the real world. You can lose yourself. You should get out more. How are you going to meet boys? I know plenty of boys. -I know plenty of boys. Really? Who? Where do you meet them? In a chat room? How do you know he's not some middle-aged freak? -Really? Who? Where do you meet them? In a chat room? How do you know he's not some middle-aged freak? Dad, I can spot a middle-aged freak a mile away. -Dad, I can spot a middle-aged freak a mile away. Okay. But you have to find a way to escape that thing. -Okay. But you have to find a way to escape that thing. I do. -I do. How? -How? I read. -I read. You do? Still? I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. -You do? Still? I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. You were the one who insisted on it. Reading me Dostoyevsky and Joyce when I was four. -You were the one who insisted on it. Reading me Dostoyevsky and Joyce when I was four. You understood them. That's what was amazing. It's a nice day. Let's eat outside. -Okay, Dad. If anyone asks about Simone -- -If anyone asks about Simone -- -- I know, I don't know anything. --- I know, I don't know anything. Exactly. Don't you wonder where I'm really hiding Simone? -Exactly. Don't you wonder where I'm really hiding Simone? I'm sure you'd tell me if you thought it was important. -One thing bothered me. I know, Hal is as stiff as always. -I know, Hal is as stiff as always. No, not that. I was just wondering -- in the bedroom scene in reel two why did Simone have no reflection when she walked in front of that mirror? -So that accounts for the lack of a shadow in reel six? Precisely. -Good-night, Daddy. Night, Lainey. -Hey, Lainey. How's your love life? I do okay. How about you? -I do okay. How about you? You know me -- married to my work. -You know me -- married to my work. I noticed. -Dad, you know I don't like to get between you and mom but she's feeling down right now. She broke up with Kent. Really? Too bad. -Really? Too bad. She thinks you're with Simone. -She thinks you're with Simone. Lainey, you know Simone and I don't have a real relationship. -Lainey, you know Simone and I don't have a real relationship. I know but Mom doesn't. Maybe if it came from Simone, if Simone spoke to Mom -- she could straighten things out. Dinner, maybe. -I know but Mom doesn't. Maybe if it came from Simone, if Simone spoke to Mom -- she could straighten things out. Dinner, maybe. Dinner? Dinner's difficult. A phone call? -Dinner? Dinner's difficult. A phone call? Too impersonal. They have to meet face-to-face. -Too impersonal. They have to meet face-to-face. I'll see what I can do. You know, Lainey. I don't believe you've ever once asked to meet Simone. Don't you like her? -I'll see what I can do. You know, Lainey. I don't believe you've ever once asked to meet Simone. Don't you like her? I love her but that doesn't mean I need to meet her. -I love you, Lainey. I love you too, daddy. -Why didn't she thank you? She did... didn't she? -Happy birthday, Lainey. Do you like it? It's fantastic -- it's too much. -It's fantastic -- it's too much. "It's the car she drove in ""Eternity Forever""." -"It's the car she drove in ""Eternity Forever""." I know. Thank her for me. -I know. Thank her for me. It's from both of us. Of course you'll have to drive it around the lot until you get your permit -- --- I can't accept it. I don't want a car, Dad. Why not? I can get you something else. What do you want? -Why not? I can get you something else. What do you want? The old Viktor Taransky. I liked you better before -- before all this. You were a loser, Dad, but at least you had integrity. I can't stand to see you like this -- clinging to Simone's coattails -- it used to be about the work, and now it's all about her. And then she's not even grateful enough to thank you. -The old Viktor Taransky. I liked you better before -- before all this. You were a loser, Dad, but at least you had integrity. I can't stand to see you like this -- clinging to Simone's coattails -- it used to be about the work, and now it's all about her. And then she's not even grateful enough to thank you. No, that was me. -No, that was me. There you go again, blaming yourself. Can't you see what she's done to you -- she's taking advantage, mocking you. You deserve better than Simone. I've got to go, Dad. -There you go again, blaming yourself. Can't you see what she's done to you -- she's taking advantage, mocking you. You deserve better than Simone. I've got to go, Dad. Lainey... -About you and mom? Me and Simone. What I did. -Me and Simone. What I did. Your mistake wasn't making something fake, daddy. We're fine with fake -- as long as you don't lie about it. --- Plead guilty and throw yourself on the mercy of the court. It's the best deal you're going to get. I could get the death penalty. -I could get the death penalty. You certainly will if you go to trial -- a jury in this kind of ugly mood. You've killed an icon, for God's sake. -You certainly will if you go to trial -- a jury in this kind of ugly mood. You've killed an icon, for God's sake. I didn't kill anyone, Bernard, there was no one to kill! -I didn't kill anyone, Bernard, there was no one to kill! An insanity defence. --- No! I can't go along with this horseshit! Just tell them they can fry me! What?! -What?! It was premeditated -- I knew exactly what I was doing! I strangled her! I bludgeoned her! I set her on fire! I did it! I killed her! -Do I know you? Max Sayer -- National Echo. -Max Sayer -- National Echo. Don't you have a real story to write? Why aren't you in Latin America? -Don't you have a real story to write? Why aren't you in Latin America? This is the story. -This is the story. I remember when the Echo had class -- the paper that could bring down governments. -I remember when the Echo had class -- the paper that could bring down governments. Our leaders aren't presidents anymore -- they're pop stars and screen idols. If Woodward and Bernstein were alive today, they'd be right here in Hollywood with me. -Our leaders aren't presidents anymore -- they're pop stars and screen idols. If Woodward and Bernstein were alive today, they'd be right here in Hollywood with me. They are alive, Sayer. -So they're probably here. You might be able to sell this 'disappearing act' to the rest of the world, but I'm not buying it. What's really behind this Simone woman? The public has a right to know. Why is she staying out of sight? And why the hell is she with you? I don't want you to take this the wrong way, Viktor, but you're not exactly Cecil B. DeMille -- more run-of-the-mill. Maybe the reason she's with me is a little thing called integrity, Sayer. Look it up. -She sounds like a prisoner, Taransky. Are you holding her hostage? Are you some kind of Svengali? "Who's the hostage, Sayer, her or you? You look kind of ""captive"" yourself. While you're spending every waking hour obsessing over Simone, guess what, I guarantee she doesn't even know you exist. Get off my property or I'll call the cops." -"Who's the hostage, Sayer, her or you? You look kind of ""captive"" yourself. While you're spending every waking hour obsessing over Simone, guess what, I guarantee she doesn't even know you exist. Get off my property or I'll call the cops." The cops? The cops read my column to know who to bust. We're the only watchdog the public has. None of this is going away. We'll be here tomorrow and the day after that. Until you slip up. And you will. You are looking at your shadow. Because all these elaborate precautions with Simone -- every instinct in my body tells me, it's not natural. -The cops? The cops read my column to know who to bust. We're the only watchdog the public has. None of this is going away. We'll be here tomorrow and the day after that. Until you slip up. And you will. You are looking at your shadow. Because all these elaborate precautions with Simone -- every instinct in my body tells me, it's not natural. I'm just trying to help you, Sayer. I don't want you to be disappointed. It gets cold out here at night. -I'm just trying to help you, Sayer. I don't want you to be disappointed. It gets cold out here at night. Nice try. If we can't get to her through you, maybe your family will be more co-operative. I can guarantee you, Taransky, one way or another, Miss Simone and I are going to get acquainted. -Nice try. If we can't get to her through you, maybe your family will be more co-operative. I can guarantee you, Taransky, one way or another, Miss Simone and I are going to get acquainted. I'd like to see that, Sayer. Invite me. -Nice boat, Taransky. It's a yacht. -It's a yacht. I know what you're up to. -I know what you're up to. I don't have time for this, Sayer. -I don't have time for this, Sayer. I think you do. I know it's a fake. -It's bogus. You used an old library shot for the background. The background is. -The background is. She was never in New Mexico. She never left the studio. -I've done my homework. I've studied her. -- I bet you have. --- I bet you have. "-- I've looked at every piece of publicity she's ever done, the video in the supermarket, there's no evidence she's ever left the studio. Oh, and for some reason this woman leaves no paper trail. But I have ""obtained"" a copy of your bank accounts. I know you have power of attorney but so far you haven't transferred one single solitary cent to her." -"-- I've looked at every piece of publicity she's ever done, the video in the supermarket, there's no evidence she's ever left the studio. Oh, and for some reason this woman leaves no paper trail. But I have ""obtained"" a copy of your bank accounts. I know you have power of attorney but so far you haven't transferred one single solitary cent to her." I'm keeping it in trust. -I'm keeping it in trust. I know that's what you'd like us to believe. But I got to tell you -- embezzlement is a serious matter. Not to mention abduction. -I know that's what you'd like us to believe. But I got to tell you -- embezzlement is a serious matter. Not to mention abduction. Abduction? -Abduction? I don't buy the whole recluse scam. How are you doing it? What is it -- drugs? Blackmail? Mind-control? All three? What do you do -- keep her locked in a box somewhere? -What is it exactly you want, Sayer? I want to see her. Unless you show me Simone live and in person I show these pictures to the authorities. -Alright, Sayer, you've got a deal. Er,... good. -What now, Sayer? Looks familiar, doesn't she? No one comes from nowhere, Taransky. You turn over enough rocks... -I traced her to a nursing home. A young woman fitting Simone's description dropped her off five years ago. She looks a lot like you. -She looks a lot like you. She hasn't uttered a word that whole time -- until she saw the big show. -That doesn't prove a thing -- wait until I get a court order for a blood test. That won't be necessary. Sooner or later I knew you'd crack this thing, Max. You got me. -That won't be necessary. Sooner or later I knew you'd crack this thing, Max. You got me. I do? Sure I do. Can we speak off the record? I'm a fair man. I'm willing to sit down with her and tell her side of the story. -I do? Sure I do. Can we speak off the record? I'm a fair man. I'm willing to sit down with her and tell her side of the story. I wouldn't want you to compromise your ethics. -I wouldn't want you to compromise your ethics. No. Thanks. Absolutely. -You love her, don't you, Max? Don't you? -Don't you? This should take care of Mother. -Is it a jamming device? Maybe he's talking to himself. -Maybe he's talking to himself. Taransky isn't that good an actor. No, they're taking special precautions. Some kind of new encryption. -Taransky isn't that good an actor. No, they're taking special precautions. Some kind of new encryption. Why? -Why? Whatever it is, it's dark. -Whatever it is, it's dark. Dark? -Dark? Yes, very. -We've got our best people on it, Mr. Sayer. 24-hour tail on Taransky? -24-hour tail on Taransky? Shutter bugs camped outside any place he goes, every concierge and maitre d' on the take. But this Simone woman is good. -Shutter bugs camped outside any place he goes, every concierge and maitre d' on the take. But this Simone woman is good. Obviously the name isn't real -- she's using an assumed identity, travels under a false name, checks into hotels with an alias. She never stays in the same place two nights in a row. Anything on the satellite photos? What about the fingerprints? What happened when we dusted that hotel suite? -Well, we got some of Taransky's fingerprints, a lot of your fingerprints... but none of hers. Which means they're significant. Incriminating. Perhaps, criminal. She's hiding her past. She's hiding her past. -Of course -- no one's that perfect, that pure. You know I had something on Mother Teresa. But then she died and it wasn't worth it anymore. I know how to flush out this Simone -- a tell-all story from her childhood. My God, you've got one? -My God, you've got one? I will when you're finished writing it. -Am I wasting my time with you? When she sues to protect her privacy, she'll have to appear in a public courtroom to do it. Long live the First Amendment. -Long live the First Amendment. Sometimes you have to tell a small lie to get to the bigger truth. As for a photo -- if you can't do it, I know twelve million people who can. -Mr. Sayer... What do you want -- ? -What do you want -- ? Mr. Sayer, did we pay the million bucks yet? -Mr. Sayer, did we pay the million bucks yet? -- Cashier's check went out to our anonymous tipster this morning -- worth every penny too. Who says there's no place for checkbook journalism? We'll be running stills of this for months, then release the whole tape -- we'll get our money back -- maybe show it on an exclusive pay-per-view event. Do you realize what we have here? We have the only independent footage of Simone in existence. --- Cashier's check went out to our anonymous tipster this morning -- worth every penny too. Who says there's no place for checkbook journalism? We'll be running stills of this for months, then release the whole tape -- we'll get our money back -- maybe show it on an exclusive pay-per-view event. Do you realize what we have here? We have the only independent footage of Simone in existence. We used to. --- I've been here before! -- On my honeymoon with my ex-wife. Is that why she left you? -It's a hotel. I don't understand. -I don't understand. Could they have built that hotel since yesterday? --- Nicola! How was your massage? You're in breach. -You're in breach. -- Is this about the new pages? -- I made the changes you wanted, you're in virtually every scene -- --- Is this about the new pages? -- I made the changes you wanted, you're in virtually every scene -- It's not the size of the role, Viktor. Am I or am I not contractually entitled to the biggest trailer on the set? -It's not the size of the role, Viktor. Am I or am I not contractually entitled to the biggest trailer on the set? It's the biggest on earth! I swear! It's a 50-foot Airstream -- they don't make them any longer than that. -It's the biggest on earth! I swear! It's a 50-foot Airstream -- they don't make them any longer than that. Taller, Viktor. -Taller, Viktor. Taller? What? -I beg you. You can't do this to me. I had three other offers. I only signed on to this picture out of... loyalty. -I had three other offers. I only signed on to this picture out of... loyalty. Then show some. They'll shut me down! -Then show some. They'll shut me down! "It wasn't working anyhow. The scene with the thousand geese -- I don't understand this film. I don't think anyone will understand it. I already put out a press release -- citing ""creative differences""." -A lot's happened since we last saw each other. Yes. -Yes. "I never apologized properly for what happened on ""Sunrise""." -Thank you. It's not important. After I saw what Simone did with the role -- you know I fired all my people, went into rehab, took acting classes, changed my whole look. She really inspired me. -Would you like me to read? Yes, I'd like that. -You know you're really very good. I take back what I said. I mean, you're really good. Thank you. -Thank you. You could play the lead. -You could play the lead. But that's Simone's part. -But that's Simone's part. Yes, of course it is. You know you have a line here. Not a wrinkle. Actually, more of a dimple. I've been thinking of incorporating something like that in Simone. -Yes, of course it is. You know you have a line here. Not a wrinkle. Actually, more of a dimple. I've been thinking of incorporating something like that in Simone. You'd cosmetically alter Simone to look like me? -You'd cosmetically alter Simone to look like me? No, of course not, you're right. That would be crazy. -No one came in or went out just like you said, Mr. Taransky. Good. -Good. Is Miss Simone coming today? -Is Miss Simone coming today? She's already here. She arrived before you and she'll leave long after you've gone. Remember, under no circumstances are you or any other person to enter the set without my express permission. -She's already here. She arrived before you and she'll leave long after you've gone. Remember, under no circumstances are you or any other person to enter the set without my express permission. What if it catches on fire? -What if it catches on fire? Let it burn. Simone would rather go up in flames than give up her privacy. -Hi. Perfect. God, I'm so relaxed around you. -I'll do anything to please you, Mr. Taransky. I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say? -I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say? I'll do anything to please you, Mr. Taransky. -Simone, are you there? I certainly am, Mr. Taransky. -Let's take it down a notch. -- What you don't understand -- -Good morning, Simone. Good morning, Mr. Taransky. -Good morning, Mr. Taransky. A star is... -A star is... ... digitized. -You mean they buy it? Buy it? They're paying for it. And around here that's how you really know they buy it. -Maybe he can. Do you have any idea what this means, Simone? Our ability to manufacture fraud now exceeds our ability to detect it. -Do you have any idea what this means, Simone? Our ability to manufacture fraud now exceeds our ability to detect it. I am the death of real. -I am the death of real. You are birth of... what? A Phenomenon. A miracle. A new era in show business. All I wanted to do was finish the film. -You are birth of... what? A Phenomenon. A miracle. A new era in show business. All I wanted to do was finish the film. And now look what you've started. And now look what you've started. And now look what you've started. -Is that better, Mr. Taransky? Yes. Yes, it is. -You did create me. No. I... just helped bring someone else's dream to life. -No. I... just helped bring someone else's dream to life. Mr. Taransky, we both know I was nothing without you. I was computer code -- ones and zeros. -Mr. Taransky, we both know I was nothing without you. I was computer code -- ones and zeros. You're right. You're right. Of course, one doesn't want to boast. It's a classic case of technology in search of an artist. That's all you've been waiting for, an artist with integrity, with a vision, who can see. -See beyond that irrational allegiance to flesh and blood. -- See that with the rise in price of a real actor and the fall in price of a fake, the scales have tipped in favor of the fake. -- See that if the performance is genuine, it doesn't matter if the actor is real. Once a performance is committed to film, the blood and bones are gone anyway. Only the spirit, the illusion remains. Besides, what's real anymore? These days most actors have digital work done to them so it's a gray area. Are you ever going to tell the truth about me, Mr. Taransky? -Are you ever going to tell the truth about me, Mr. Taransky? The only real truth is in the work. -The only real truth is in the work. You know what I'm talking about. -You know what I'm talking about. Yes. Yes, I'm going to tell the truth about you, why wouldn't I...? Of course, with Hank's tragic passing, the secret died with him. I am going to tell the truth... after your next picture. -Speaking of which -- this is the project I'd like you to do next. "Not, ""Eternity Forever""? The legendary unproduced script that was too good ever to get made? I'd kill for that part." -"Not, ""Eternity Forever""? The legendary unproduced script that was too good ever to get made? I'd kill for that part." I was hoping you'd say that. -You're going to get in a lot of trouble, Mr. Taransky. Why do you have to bring that up? There's always risk -- life's a risk. It's worth it. Besides, how could something so lovely be a crime? Well, I think we've done enough for today. You've been cooped up in there too long. How about you and me go out on the town? They're expecting us. -Mahogany. I'd say that cost at least a couple hundred. Maybe three. Three? We should hock it. Buy a C.D. rack for the bedroom. -Three? We should hock it. Buy a C.D. rack for the bedroom. Do you know how important this is? This is big time. I'm going to read it for you, doctor. -Do you know how important this is? This is big time. I'm going to read it for you, doctor. Do I really sound like Dr. Seuss? -Wow. They called you their son. We can keep it in the bathroom. ---My God. --Do I know you? -Are you calling me? What? You don't see enough of me at the store? -Why, Malcolm? What, Anna? What did I do? What's made you so sad? -Why did you leave me? I didn't leave you. -I just needed to do a couple of things. And I needed to tell you something. Tell me. -Goodnight, Malcolm. Goodnight, sweetheart. -On my way to the flea market in Amish country. Thought maybe you want to come. Show me how to buy at these things. I trust you... Besides, I don't know if I'm up for the Amish today. You can't curse or spit or anything around them. -That's very sweet. I'm okay. Do you think I should stop by on my way back? Show you what I got? It's not a problem. -You know that's probably not the best idea. I'll just wait to see them in the store. Okay. Fine. Understood. I'm off then. -Okay. Fine. Understood. I'm off then. Don't step in the horse manure. -Don't step in the horse manure. Thanks. -Your eye frames. They don't seem to have any lenses in them. They're my dad's. The lenses hurt my eyes. -They're my dad's. The lenses hurt my eyes. I knew there was a sound explanation. -What was that you were saying before with your soldiers? Day pro fun. ...De profundis clamo ad te domine. -All your soldiers speak Latin? No, just one. -What were they hiding from? Oh, lots of things, I suppose. Bad people for one. People who wanted to imprison them. Hurt them. -Oh, lots of things, I suppose. Bad people for one. People who wanted to imprison them. Hurt them. Nothing bad can happen in a church, right? -I forgot your name. Dr. Crowe. -Dr. Crowe. You're a doctor. What kind? -You're a doctor. What kind? I work with young people who might be sad or upset or just want to talk. I try to help them figure things out. -I got an award once. From the Mayor. Congratulations. -Congratulations. Thank you. It was a long time ago. I've kind of been retired for a while. You're my very first client back. -Thank you. It was a long time ago. I've kind of been retired for a while. You're my very first client back. You use needles? -You use needles? No. -No. Not even little ones that aren't supposed to hurt? -Not even little ones that aren't supposed to hurt? No. -No. That's good. -I'm going to see you again, right? If it's okay with you? -And Cole, next time I won't be late for you. Next time I won't be scared of you. -We were supposed to draw a picture. Anything we wanted... I drew a man. He got hurt in the neck by another man with a screwdriver. You saw that on T.V., Cole? -Everybody got upset. They had a meeting. Momma started crying. I don't draw like that anymore. How do you draw now? -How do you draw now? I draw people with smiles, dogs running, and rainbows. They don't have meetings about rainbows. -I draw people with smiles, dogs running, and rainbows. They don't have meetings about rainbows. I guess they don't. -You want to ask me a question? See, this is why I lose at poker. Yes, I do have a question. -Private Kinney's wife is really sick -- she has something called a brain anism. You mean aneurysm. -You mean aneurysm. Yeah, Private Kinney needed to get back safe to take care of her. -Where should I look then, Cole? Look over there. -I walk this way to school with Tommy Tammisimo. He your best buddy? -He hates me. You hate him? -You ever tell her about how it is with Tommy? I don't tell her a thing. -I don't tell her a thing. Why? -Why? Cause she doesn't look at me like everybody and I don't want her to. I don't want her to know. -Cause she doesn't look at me like everybody and I don't want her to. I don't want her to know. Know what? -Know what? That I'm a freak. -"You said the ""s"" word." Yeah. Sorry. -Mr. Marschal gets real lonely. What about Mrs. Marschal? -What about Mrs. Marschal? She died a long time ago. -...So your dad lives in Pittsburgh with a lady who works in a toll booth. What if she has to pee when she's working? You think she just holds it? -What if she has to pee when she's working? You think she just holds it? I don't know. I was just thinking the same thing. -What'd you write? Words. -Words. What kind of words? -What kind of words? Upset words. -Think about what you want from our time together. What our goal should be? Something I want? -Something I want? If we could change something in your life, anything at all, what would you like that to be? -That isn't magic. What? -What? You just kept the penny in that hand the whole time... -You just kept the penny in that hand the whole time... Who me? -I didn't know you were funny. I forgot myself. -Your father ever tell you bedtime stories? Yes. -Once upon a time there was a prince, who was being driven around... He drove around for a long, long time... Driving and driving... It was a long trip... He fell asleep... When he woke up, they were still driving... The long drive went on-- Dr. Crowe. -Dr. Crowe. Yes. -Yes. You haven't told bedtime stories before? -You haven't told bedtime stories before? No. -No. You have to add some twists and stuff. Maybe they run out of gas. -You have to add some twists and stuff. Maybe they run out of gas. No gas... Hey, that's good. -What makes you think that? Your eyes told me. -I don't know how the story ends. I hope it's a happy ending. Me too. -Dead people, like in graves and coffins? No, walking around, like regular people... They can't see each other. Some of them don't know they're dead. -No, walking around, like regular people... They can't see each other. Some of them don't know they're dead. They don't know they're dead? -How often do you see them? All the time. They're everywhere. You won't tell anyone my secret, right? -...No. Will you stay here till I fall asleep? -Did you think the play sucked big time? What? -What? Tommy Tammisimo acted in a cough syrup commercial. He thought everybody was self-conscious and unrealistic. He said the play sucked big time. -Tommy Tammisimo acted in a cough syrup commercial. He thought everybody was self-conscious and unrealistic. He said the play sucked big time. I know every child is special in their own way, but Tommy sounds like a punk. I thought the play was excellent. Better than Cats. -I know every child is special in their own way, but Tommy sounds like a punk. I thought the play was excellent. Better than Cats. Cats? -Cats? Never mind. -Yes? And the tiny hairs on your arm. Are they all standing up? -When they get mad, it gets cold. Them? -Can I ask you then? Yes. -Yes. What do you want more than anything? -What do you want more than anything? I don't know. -I don't know. I told you what I want. -I told you what I want. I don't know, Cole. -I don't know, Cole. Why don't you think about it for a while? -I have to. When? -When? Soon. One week. -I'm going to transfer you. I know two psychologists that are exceptional-- Don't fail me. ---What? Don't give up. You're the only one who can help me. I know it. -Don't cry. It means I wasn't what everyone thought I was... I was a fake. -It means I wasn't what everyone thought I was... I was a fake. You weren't a paper champion. -You weren't a paper champion. Someone else can help you. Someone else can make you happy. -Dr. Crowe? Yes. -Yes. You believe me, right? -Something happened, didn't it? Yes, it did. -Yes, it did. Are you wigging out? -Are you wigging out? Yes, I am. -Yes, I am. We're not gonna start crying again, are we? -We're not gonna start crying again, are we? No, we're not. -No, we're not. What happened? -You really look better. Maybe they wake up that morning thinking they have a thousand things to do and a thousand days left to do them in... And then all of a sudden, it's all taken away. No one asked them. It's just gone... -Maybe they wake up that morning thinking they have a thousand things to do and a thousand days left to do them in... And then all of a sudden, it's all taken away. No one asked them. It's just gone... You have nice red in your cheeks now. -You have nice red in your cheeks now. Do you know what 'Yo no quiero morir' is? -It's Spanish. It means... 'I don't want to die.' Not all the ghosts are scary, are they? Like Mrs. Marschal? No. -No. What do those ghosts want when they talk to you? Think real careful now, Cole... -Just help. Yes! I think that's right!... I think they all want that. Even the scary ones... -Yes! I think that's right!... I think they all want that. Even the scary ones... You believe now? -I believe both of you now. And I think I might know how to make them go away. You do? -What if they don't want help? What if they're just angry and they want to hurt somebody? I don't think that's the way it works, Cole. -She came a long way to visit me, didn't she? I guess she did. -I wish I were somewhere else. Where will you go, where no one has died? -Don't go home, okay? I definitely won't. -I think we said everything we needed to say. Maybe it's time to say things to someone else? Someone close to you? Maybe. -You were great in the play, Cole. Really? -Really? And you know what else? -And you know what else? What? -What? Tommy Tammisimo sucked big time. -They're right here. Oh. -What are you thinking, Momma? Lots of things. -Lots of things. Anything bad about me? -It was Grandma's. It's not for playing. What if it broke? You know how sad I'd be. You'd cry. Cause you miss grandma so much. -You'd cry. Cause you miss grandma so much. That's right. So why do you take it, sweetheart? -That's right. So why do you take it, sweetheart? Sometimes people think they lose things and they didn't really lose them. It just gets moved. -Sometimes people think they lose things and they didn't really lose them. It just gets moved. Did you move the bumble bee pendant? -You didn't take it before. You didn't take it the time after that. And now, you didn't take it again? Don't get mad. -Don't get mad. So who moved it? -There's only two of us. Maybe someone came in our house -- took the bumble bee pendant out of my closet, and then laid it nicely in your drawer? Is that what happened? Maybe. -I'd give anything to have been there. I'm ready to communicate with you now. -Communicate? Tell you my secrets. -You know that accident up there? Yeah. -Yeah. Someone got hurt. -Someone got hurt. They did? -They did? A lady. She died. -A lady. She died. Oh my God. -You can see her? Yes. -Where is she? Standing next to my window. -Cole, you're scaring me. They scare me too sometimes. -They scare me too sometimes. They? -They? Dead people. -Dead people. Dead people? -Dead people? Ghosts. -You see ghosts, Cole? They want me to do things for them. -They want me to do things for them. They talk to you? -What are you thinking, Momma? ...I don't know. -...I don't know. You think I'm a freak? -I would never think that about you... ever... Got it? Got it. -She says she's sorry for taking the bumble bee pendant. She just likes it a lot. What? -What? Grandma comes to visit me sometimes. -Cole, that's very wrong. Grandma's gone. You know that. I know. -She wanted me to tell you-- Cole, please stop. -Cole, please stop. She wanted me to tell you, she saw you dance. -Yes, Cole? They used to hang people here. -That's not correct. Where'd you hear that? They'd pull the people in crying and kissing their families bye... People watching would spit at them. -Cole, this was a legal courthouse. Laws were passed here. Some of the first laws of this country. This building was full of lawyers. Lawmakers. They were the ones who hanged everybody. -I don't like people looking at me like that. Like what? -Like what? Stop it! -I don't know how else to look-- You're a stuttering Stanley! -Excuse me? You talked funny when you went to school here. You talked funny all the way to high school! -What-- You shouldn't laugh at people. It makes them feel bad. -How did you--? Stop looking at me. -Stuttering Stanley! Stuttering Stanley! Who! -Stuttering Stanley! S-ssstop that! -S-ssstop that! Stuttering Stanley! Stuttering Stanley! -Stuttering Stanley! Stuttering Stanley! S-ssssstop it! -S-ssssstop it! Stuttering-- -Stuttering-- --Shhhhhhut upppp you fffffffreak! -...He doesn't get invited places. It's our pleasure. -It's our pleasure. The last time was a Chuck E. Cheese party a year ago. He hid in one of those purple plastic tunnels and didn't come out. -The last time was a Chuck E. Cheese party a year ago. He hid in one of those purple plastic tunnels and didn't come out. Chuck E. who? -Chuck E. who? Cheese. It's a kid's place. -I work at an insurance place and at Penny's, so Cole can go to that good school. J. C. Penny's? -Good for you. I wish I could be like my momma though. She always knew what was wrong. Knew just what to say. -Your pa's waiting for you up at the house. How'd he know I'd come? -'Course, some folks say 'ol Jethro shouldn't have been buried up here... with the rest of the Macdonalds. Meaning? -Meaning? Hell, he was your grandfather. You know what he did. -Maybe you don't want to remember. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? 'Course, it's none of my business. -'Course, it's none of my business. Let's say today, we make it your business. -You ever hear of... the harvest of blood? Superstition. -Superstition. Your grandfather sure believed in it. Worked pretty good... too. -Your grandfather sure believed in it. Worked pretty good... too. Chicken blood on the crops. -Chicken blood on the crops. "...Chicken blood? Who said it was... ""chicken blood""?" -I'd watch your step if I were you, son. Oh yeah? Why's that? -Oh yeah? Why's that? You're standing in horseshit. -Just talked to Orwell down at the garage. Says getting a new alternator for your bus is no problem. Alright! -Alright! Could take a little while, though. -Could take a little while, though. "What's a ""little while?""" -"What's a ""little while?""" Two.. maybe three days. -"Yo. ""Billy Bob"". Was I two beats behind, or what?" Nope. -Nope. See? -See? You were a beat and a quarter behind. -You were a beat and a quarter behind. Fuck you! If you're such an expert on music, why don't you go get your dueling banjo and sit in on the next song? -Fuck you! If you're such an expert on music, why don't you go get your dueling banjo and sit in on the next song? I ain't never played a banjo in my life. -Okay, Farm Boy. Joke's over. You've been playin' me from jump street. Where's my Nikes? Nikes? What-the-hail you talkin' about? -Listen to me, you banjo-dueling, country ass hayseed... I want my Nikes and I want them now! You... think... I... stole... your... fancy shoes? I... wouldn't... be... caught... dead in 'em. -Get off his case sweetie. Where'd you come from? Groupies R Us? -Where'd you come from? Groupies R Us? Fuck you. -Fuck you. Fuck me? Fuck YOU!! -Bitch. Slut. -Slut. Witch. -Witch. Tramp. -Hey! Don't use all the hot water! Keep your shirt on! I'm almost done! -Keep your shirt on! I'm almost done! Bitch. -Bitch. Bitch. -"Let me guess. We're going on a ""long trip""." Not according to these. -Rod... I have to get back to my job. Someone actually... employs you? -Someone actually... employs you? I happen to be a professional. -I happen to be a professional. Which street corner? -Hi. ...Hi. -...Hi. ...You any good with those? -You have a strong unfufilled desire. Yeah. To get the hell off this farm. -Yeah. To get the hell off this farm. No. This is something spiritual. An ambition. -No. This is something spiritual. An ambition. The band. -Aha. The Lovers. Not lately. -Suzie??? The hell with this. I'm coming back up!!! -Looks like the alternator. Yeah. It's the alternator all right. -Yeah. It's the alternator all right. How would you know? You're looking at my tits. Jesus, Carl. Your job is to keep us on the road! -How would you know? You're looking at my tits. Jesus, Carl. Your job is to keep us on the road! I didn't do anything -- -Hey, isn't that the preacher? Find out what's holding things up. I want to get the hell off this farm. -Dammit, Carl!!!! Sorry. -There's something weird going on here, Suzie. No shit. -No shit. I'm serious. Get this. I had a careful look at that alternator. It's clearly been messed with... it's not wear and tear that caused that breakdown... -I'm serious. Get this. I had a careful look at that alternator. It's clearly been messed with... it's not wear and tear that caused that breakdown... You're saying someone's trying to keep us on the farm...? -You're saying someone's trying to keep us on the farm...? Not someone -- Mac. -Come on -- "Suzie, face it. The only ""axe"" he's picked up since we came here... is a real one. He doesn't give a damn about the band anymore... or about you." -Carl, what are you doing? You need someone who can protect you, Suzie. -AAAAAAAAAAAA -- He should turn that music down. Jeremiah's gonna kill him. -Gene. Missed you at church this morning, Jeremiah. -Missed you at church this morning, Jeremiah. You're not going to arrest me for it, are you? -You're not going to arrest me for it, are you? "Hell, no. But you missed a damn good sermon. ""You can't hide a wicked heart from the eyes of the Lord.""" -"Hell, no. But you missed a damn good sermon. ""You can't hide a wicked heart from the eyes of the Lord.""" Sounds familiar. -Sounds familiar. Book of Jeremiah. -Thought your boy and his band were only staying the night. Bus broke down. -You know, one day I'm going to have to shut down that still of yours, Jeremiah. Well, why don't you hold these as evidence in the meantime. -Motherfucking soundman! I couldn't hear myself sing! I could. You sucked. -I could. You sucked. Hey. Fuck you. -Hey. Fuck you. Where's Jack? Anybody seen Jack? -Okay. My main man. Marvin Gaye. Easy. Gunshot. Patricide. Next. -"Wait a second. Did you say ""patricide?""" Yeah. Marvin's old man gunned him down. -Yeah. Marvin's old man gunned him down. That's not patricide. Patricide is when you gun down your old man. -That's not patricide. Patricide is when you gun down your old man. "All right. ""Fratricide"". Minor technical detail." -"All right. ""Fratricide"". Minor technical detail." Wrong. Fratricide is when you gun down your brother. You're out. My turn. -Wrong. Fratricide is when you gun down your brother. You're out. My turn. Fine. Be that way. Jim Morrison. -Fine. Be that way. Jim Morrison. Died in the bathtub... if, in fact, he's really dead. Next. -Nike specials. Two hundred bucks. Two hundred bucks?? Are you crazy? -"""Peggy-Sue"" --" "-- ""Billy-Jean"" --" -Damn! These are one hundred dollar Nikes! I thought you said two hundred. -Curt Cobain. Shotgun. Suicide. Next? -Well, there goes our record deal. Nah. We still got Billy Bob. -You're out of your mind, man. I am not! I'm telling you, it's worth its weight in gold. -I am not! I'm telling you, it's worth its weight in gold. Let me get this straight... we're talking about manure? -The ancient Aztecs knew how powerful this stuff was. Cowshit? Are you sure the Aztecs even had cows? -Are you crazy? Sprinkled a pinch of manure in there just before I rolled it. -Hmmm. This shit isn't bad. Manure... is life. -So... what does it do? It harvests! It threshes! Look at these blades. -Should we be doing this, dude? Metaphysical question, man. -"""Old Macdonald... had --""" """-- an AXE!""" -"""With a hack-hack here --""" """And a slash-slash there --""" -"""And a slash-slash there --""" Hi Suze. -He means moon shining. Harvest moonshining! -Harvest moonshining! Old Macdonald had some... MOONSHINE! -Yeah, man. You were wrong, Suze. My solo definitely works better in the second verse. He's right. Nice guitar break. -Carl! Oh Carrrrl! Come out, come out wherever you are! -We've got to call someone -- get the sheriff-- The Sheriff?! We don't need the sheriff!!! We need to get the hell out of here! -What are you going to do? Shoot me? Depends. You got some nerve intruding on a man's grief. I bet I could pull this trigger right now and call it justifiable homicide. Now: who are you? -Depends. You got some nerve intruding on a man's grief. I bet I could pull this trigger right now and call it justifiable homicide. Now: who are you? You know who I am. You invited me. -I'm your son. And Laureen's son. Ain't nobody mentioned that name on this farm for 14 years. My boy was taken from me... far as I'm concerned, he's dead. Now, I ain't gonna ask you again. -- Who are you?! -Ain't nobody mentioned that name on this farm for 14 years. My boy was taken from me... far as I'm concerned, he's dead. Now, I ain't gonna ask you again. -- Who are you?! Joseph Macdonald... Your son. -Joseph Macdonald... Your son. Joseph Macdonald. Damn right, boy. And don't you forget it. -I came back for the funeral. That's all. Broke her heart you never visited... But I always said you'd come back. -I'll be gone again tomorrow. ...Guess it was her time to go. You can't argue... when the good Lord calls you home. -"How... was she ""called?""" Pardon? -Pardon? Aunt Edith. How did she... die? -That old barn. After the fire... I rebuilt it nail by nail. Just the way your granddaddy would've wanted it. This is his room... isn't it? -This is his room... isn't it? Was. You ain't afraid of ghosts, now are you? -Was. You ain't afraid of ghosts, now are you? I'll be fine here. -You got it wrong, boy. I'm not the monster you think. Maybe you should tell that to the old lady you tried to hit with the shovel. -Maybe you should tell that to the old lady you tried to hit with the shovel. I wouldn't pay Jesse no mind at all. She's just a crazy old woman. Hasn't been right in the head since her husband passed away. Wasn't much right before that, neither. -I wouldn't pay Jesse no mind at all. She's just a crazy old woman. Hasn't been right in the head since her husband passed away. Wasn't much right before that, neither. "She was talking about... a ""harvest of blood""..." -Old slave superstition. You sprinkle a little blood mixed with water on the crops, you get yourself a good harvest... So they say. """Blood?""" -You'll be back. I don't think so. -You like it? Irrigation system. Your grandaddy built it himself. Saved the land from dying. "That's a good idea. Maybe we should have a little ""talk"" about grandaddy Jethro." -"That's a good idea. Maybe we should have a little ""talk"" about grandaddy Jethro." Sure. What do you want to know. -Sure. What do you want to know. People say he was a murderer. -People say he was a murderer. That's your grandfather you're talking about! I... know what people say. Heard it... all my life. -"Then who?! Because someone wants another blood harvest. With human blood, Jeremiah! Just like Jethro! Who did he kill back then, Jeremiah? Farmhands? Transients? People no one would miss? ""Crazy Old Macdonald!"" But now... it's starting again, isn't it? Someone's picking up where Jethro left off!" -- It's not me! --- It's not me! Who then, Jeremiah?? -- Who?! -It's time to make amends. Amends...? -Amends...? Think boy. That night. The night of the fire. At the barn. You were only six years old. -Think boy. That night. The night of the fire. At the barn. You were only six years old. I -- -Throw me one. Not while you're driving. --- And keep your eyes on the road. "I'm admiring your costume. What ""movie"" are you going as again?" -"I'm admiring your costume. What ""movie"" are you going as again?" Sheena, Queen of the Jungle. -Never heard of it. I'm not surprised. It's got a body count of zero. And no one goes around in a stupid mask, hacking innocent people to death. -I'm not surprised. It's got a body count of zero. And no one goes around in a stupid mask, hacking innocent people to death. You don't like my costume? Cool. I'll go with plan B. Which one you like better? -Is that all you ever think of? Suppose I was really hurt! Dammit, Karen -- I was just... looking for your pulse. -Dammit, Karen -- I was just... looking for your pulse. -- By way of my breasts? -Ow! What's wrong? -What's wrong? Nothing. I'll have us back on the road in no time. -Hey -- Macdonald's farm! Ray -- I'd like to get to the club sometime before dawn. -Jesus. What a bunch of useless zombies. Who? Us?! -Who? Us?! The audience! -Hey. Could you be a little more insensitive? We're on our way to a funeral for Crissake. Yeah. Our own. I don't see why we got to go along for the ride. -You know what they say about men who need big guns... Hey. Some Klu Klux Klan homeboy gets in my face, he gonna have a few extra holes in his bedsheet. -Hey. Some Klu Klux Klan homeboy gets in my face, he gonna have a few extra holes in his bedsheet. Down boy. -Down boy. "Who you callin' ""boy?""" -Yeah. Maybe I can pick a little cotton for da masta. You got something against farm people, Keith? -You got something against farm people, Keith? "Not at all. They lynched my ancestors, they smell like manure, they have sex with their relatives... and they all have two first names: ""Bobby- Joe"" --" -It's a farm, Keith. You're not supposed to shoot the rooster. He started it. -He started it. You seen Mac? His bed hasn't been slept in. -You seen Mac? His bed hasn't been slept in. What?! You mean... I slept on this couch for nothing?! -Hallelujah! ...Civilization... here I come! Amen. -What the fuck you talking about, man? He's right. You were behind. -Asphyxiation. Choked to death on a ham sandwich. Next. Buzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry, wrong answer! -Buzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry, wrong answer! Chicken sandwich? -Chicken sandwich? Bzzzzzzzzzt! -Bzzzzzzzzzt! Fuck you! Who cares what sandwich the bitch was eating? -You wanna know the difference? The difference is that you're screwing up the song. Yeah. Sure. I'm screwing up the song. You're the one who's been two beats behind since we kicked it off. -Shit! Relax. He liked what he saw. Well, some of it. Enough to give us a showcase audition. One week from today. -Relax. He liked what he saw. Well, some of it. Enough to give us a showcase audition. One week from today. Yes! -Yes! Which means we've got ONE week to start acting like a professional band. -Try taking a left after the next cow pasture. "Yeah. That sounds good. ""Hang a left at the first cow patty, then make a right when you see porky pig""." -Yeah. That's just the problem. Tell me you checked the bus before we left, Carl. -You guys figure it out. I'm taking a break. Yeah. Good idea. Go milk the cows, feed the chickens. -How does it feel, Keith? Fuck you! Fuck all of you! I'm done kickin' it with cows and roosters. -- And drinking moonshine with Johnny Cash! Senior AND Junior! -Fuck you! Fuck all of you! I'm done kickin' it with cows and roosters. -- And drinking moonshine with Johnny Cash! Senior AND Junior! Is that right? -Is that right? Yeah, that's right! I'm outta here -- Y'all can kiss my city ass goodbye!... I'm gone with the wind. -"Time for a little... ""feedback"" guys. That guy from Hectic Records --" Yeah? -Yeah? -- picked tonight to come by and watch our set. -You never told us you grew up on a farm. Nothing to tell. -My father and I don't exactly see eye to eye. About what? -About what? Name something. -Name something. Then why go back now? -Then why go back now? Still trying to figure it out myself. -What about Jeremiah? Nah. Just you. -What's wrong? This... used to be Jethro's room. The attic. -This... used to be Jethro's room. The attic. So? -So? When I was a kid... I was never allowed up here... -I'm talking to the spirit of Jethro Macdonald. Is it okay to have sex in your old attic with your grandson? We'll be careful of the bed -- Let it go. -Let it go. I bet if he were still alive, he'd like to watch. -"Think of it... as a threesome. You. Me. And... ""Jethro.""" I said that's enough! -We're almost ready. What the hell are you doing out here? I... heard something... came in here last night. Must have gone to sleep. -How'd you get that? Playing with your pitchfork? Picked up one of those shears. Blade's razor sharp. -- Where is everyone? -Picked up one of those shears. Blade's razor sharp. -- Where is everyone? Getting ready. -Getting ready. Look. You want to talk about this? -Look. You want to talk about this? I don't think so. Keith's about to use the rooster for target practice. Besides... you didn't seem too interested last night. -Strange... I can feel my old self coming back... Mmmm -- so can I... -You wouldn't understand. You never had trouble communicating before. -Suzie -- Billy Bob's dead. -- We were wrong -- he didn't do anything. I-It's the scarecrow -- -Billy Bob's dead. -- We were wrong -- he didn't do anything. I-It's the scarecrow -- Wait a minute -- -Wait a minute -- I... saw him -- he tried to kill me -- he's, he's -- still -- out there -- -I... saw him -- he tried to kill me -- he's, he's -- still -- out there -- What are -- -What are -- HE'S STILL OUT THERE!!! -HE'S STILL OUT THERE!!! "-- You're not making sense!! What ""Scarecrow""?" -You're... limping. I hurt my leg. Diving away from the Harvester -- it almost got me. -Suzie... No. It's you. You and your father. -It's you. You and your father. No -- -No -- You brought us here. And that morning I found you in the barn. You had scratches on your face -- -You brought us here. And that morning I found you in the barn. You had scratches on your face -- Listen to me -- -Listen to me -- You sabotaged the bus! You kept us here... To die! First Keith, then Carl -- -You sabotaged the bus! You kept us here... To die! First Keith, then Carl -- Suzie -- -No Mac, please... I -- Don't look. -Mac... let's get out of here. Don't you see? Whatever's going on... I'm part of it. -Get out of here. No. Not without you -- -The trap door. That's how he escaped the fire... You've been... hiding him all these years. Helping him... irrigate the land. With blood... -...no... Mac... p-please... Can't help it, Suze... family sticks together... -I almost thought for a second... Never. -Yeah. Great work, Rod. But next time, it would be nice... if you could JOIN US FOR THE ENTIRE SET! I was getting 'warmed' up. -Hey. Anyone here need lessons, just talk to me. Yeah, I'll teach you a lesson -- -What is it?!! Spider. -She's a Tarot Card Reader at a shopping mall. What a surprise. -- What about our audition? -Hold it, hold it. Aren't you forgetting something, Rod? Like what? -Like what? Like your guitar break. -Like your guitar break. It's coming right up. After the third verse. -It's coming right up. After the third verse. Second verse! -Second verse! Jeez, what's the difference? Just 'cause it's rock 'n roll, doesn't mean it's be set in stone. --- Where have you two been? Us? We been... moonlighting. -Where's Mac? Who knows? Just like a man... never around when you need them. -Carl. CARL??? Carl did this?!! -CARL??? Carl did this?!! Last night... he tried to get it on with me. -Someone better tell Mac. Why bother? -It gets worse. He's cut all the phone lines. What'll we do? -Bill, you're Chief of police now. Comes with some Goddamn responsibility, like keeping your people in line. -Comes with some Goddamn responsibility, like keeping your people in line. You're right, Jack. Margaret, you're fired. -Shit. Bill, we need to talk! -Bill, we need to talk! 'Mornin', Jack. -Bill, this Brenda's Randy Flagg's niece. We need to find Grant yesterday! The town council has lit a Roman candle and stuck it up my ass! Hell, Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business. -Hell, Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business. Don't fuck with me, Bill. Your post here as Chief is in dire straits you don't work this shit out. -How are you going to find him? Dude's a half--squid. Ain't many places he can hide. Sea World, maybe. -That young lady heard you say 'squid.' She's gonna go out and create a Goddamn hysteria! Sherry, you gonna create a hysteria? -What? Touch some deer feces out in the forest. Eat a sandwich without washing your hands. Then you got lyme disease. -Touch some deer feces out in the forest. Eat a sandwich without washing your hands. Then you got lyme disease. And that makes you look like a squid? -And that makes you look like a squid? I'll tell you what, no one with lyme disease gonna win any damn handsome contests! -Don't worry. The lurker ain't around. I checked. That's not funny. -That's not funny. Sorry. -Sorry. Whatcha' doin'? -Whatcha' doin'? Tryin' to get a buzz on. But I'm too buff. Too much muscle mass. -What you up to? Just checking out the lights. -Pretty, ain't they? I don't know. I've seen them so many times before. I guess any spot gets boring after awhile. -I don't know. I've seen them so many times before. I guess any spot gets boring after awhile. Well that's only if you're in the wrong spot. -There's a place over there on the bluffs. When the fog is just right, like tonight, the lights of Main look like a kaleidoscope. Oh, yeah? -Oh, yeah? Mm hm. But only a few folks know how to get there. Wally. Rollo Linkski coulda taken you, but 'course he got hit by that train. Me. -Mm hm. But only a few folks know how to get there. Wally. Rollo Linkski coulda taken you, but 'course he got hit by that train. Me. I'll get Wally to show me sometime then. -Grant, where'd you go? Hey, Grant. -Maybe she's ever called the house, or -- ? No. What…? -No. What…? She disappeared Friday night. We got reason to believe foul play might be involved. -How about Brenda? New? No. We're hoping we find Grant, he'll lead us to her. -Bill, I heard what you're doing. I think I should go along. Why? Listen, it doesn't matter. I gotta go. -Wait! Dammit, Bill, if that girl's still out there, how will you find her? How, unless you bring Grant in alive? Your best chance of doing that is with me. I can talk to him -- He tried to kill you, Starla. -He tried to kill you, Starla. He did. I know. But I got him angry 'cause I wasn't calm. This time I could -- -Please, Bill. What happened, it's my fault, I know it. Starla, it ain't -- -Starla, it ain't -- It is. He'd been acting strange. And the physical changes. I should have told someone right away... But I was just blind. I wanted to pretend it wasn't happening... If I don't do what I can to help now, I just couldn't live with it. -No reception out here. Bill, I'll run out to your car, call for paramedics from there. -Was always curious why you... married Grant in the first place... Just never seemed outta love. I know what people say, Bill. I... Remember, back in high school I worked at my father's gas station? -Grant used to get filled up every day. I knew it was just to see me. He was too old -- But he was handsome. And he had that big ol' Lincoln then. I flirted with him. Well, big ol' Lincoln, sure. Guess I would have flirted with him too. -My father, he was -- he was real close to evil. People didn't know. Still don't. From the time I was a toddler he'd beat the hell out of me. I don't mean just like a smack for smart--mouthing... he took a real enjoyment in it. And when I turned eleven or twelve, things... well, they got worse. Starla looks at Bill, who seems struck. When you wanted to run away, I called your dad. -When you wanted to run away, I called your dad. That wasn't a good night, no. -That wasn't a good night, no. I'm sorry. -After all this shit tonight, I know for sure now you regret not running off with me to Hollywood! Hell, Starla. I always regretted that. -What are you doing?! We can't make it. Just get away, when you get the chance. -We can't make it. Just get away, when you get the chance. What? -What? He wants me, Bill! I'm going to get him to take me to him! See if you can follow me, and kill him! -He wants me, Bill! I'm going to get him to take me to him! See if you can follow me, and kill him! No, Starla! No! -We can probably get some first aid and food at this gas station up here. Yeah. Good. -I'll get it for you. Ibuprofen or aspirin? Aspirin. -We'll just head up here into Bishopville, get checked up in the hospital. Then maybe we'll head off to Hollywood after all, huh? Okay. -Please, Starla. I'm gonna do my best not to hurt anybody -- You took Bill. -You took Bill. It's my nature. -It's my nature. And this is mine. -What's she see in that douchebag? That's the mystery of the ages there, Trev. Starla was seventeen when they got engaged. He was, like, in his thirties. No one even knew they were goin' out till she had that ring on her finger. -He's gotta be in the forest. All three ranches run alongside it. Think we should get up a search party, head in there? -And then we get here, the Castavets', where last night's shit--storm took place. I see. It's like as if he's going in a pattern. Is that what you're saying, Bill? -Where are you?! We're coming your way, man! -He's a fucking Martian?! A Martian is from Mars, Trevor. -When I buy my zoo, I'm leaving them things the hell out! Shelby! -What the hell are we going to do?! Just block the doors, any way you can. -Surprised you're able to lift a mug after carrying that torch for so long. Hey, Wally. Glad you're here. There was something I wanted to tell you... -What? Oh yeah. Fuck you, fat ass. -Some kids found her necklace near Tipper Creek, as well as what might be her blood on a rock. The problem, Starla, is, the last person anyone saw her talking to was Grant. -Rorschach. What do you see? I see a butterfly. -Looks like a chipmunk. Your momma wasn't too proud when you came out neither, Wally. -I think we best get you to a hospital right quick. What the fuck they gonna do with her in a hospital, Bill? -You dig that rat out of the hole? Listen, you got any reports of... I don't know what you call 'em. They look like big slugs, only fast. -Listen, you got any reports of... I don't know what you call 'em. They look like big slugs, only fast. Slugs? No. 'Less you talkin' about that new waitress down at Sloan's! Ha ha! -Slugs? No. 'Less you talkin' about that new waitress down at Sloan's! Ha ha! Shelby -- -Shelby -- Oh, shit! I hope she ain't a police radio aficionado. If so, I apolog -Oh, shit! I hope she ain't a police radio aficionado. If so, I apolog Shelby, shut up. Keep an eye out for these things. If you see 'em, keep your mouth covered. Otherwise they'll go straight down it. All right? -Are you nodding? Yeah. -Yeah. I can't hear when you're nodding. -I can't hear when you're nodding. Sorry. -Sorry. We'll be there in ten minutes. -Shelby, we broke down on 22, a mile outside town. Come pick us up. I got to leave my post. -I got to leave my post. Do it. -Hey there, Chief. Shelby! We need people out here at Cosgrove and McCammon right away! -Shelby! We need people out here at Cosgrove and McCammon right away! Don't worry, Chief. -Megan Halesy' little sister. Shit. You're kidding me. Nope. BRENDA Brenda! GRANT Hell, you were -- -My sister Megan, she's a big fat cow. Was then, even more so now. I'd be thinking, what'd you see in her ain't in me? Shit, girl, you couldn't'a been eleven. -Shit, girl, you couldn't'a been eleven. Hell, I was game! -Who's the lucky fella? Fuck lucky. Never marry a damn half--Mexican. -Fuck lucky. Never marry a damn half--Mexican. Already ain't. Married a gal named -- -Already ain't. Married a gal named -- Starla Covington. Don't be ignorant. Everyone knows that. Fucking prom queen. -You're lookin' awful pretty. Shut up. -Where's the old half--Mexican? Took the kids to his Mom's for the weekend. -Guess it's hard to explain how amazin' a human brain is to someone who that's all they know. What? -What? Stuff you can never imagine. Feelings. Big thoughts. And love. Yeah. I'm inclined to parlay it into somethin' more. So, go ahead there, beautiful, and take off your shirt. -Grant? Grant, I'm hungry. I'm so fuckin' hungry I think I'm gonna die. Brought you munchies. -Meat. Howdy, Mr. Grant. You goin' to the Deer Cheer this weekend? -Sure thing, killer. What can I do you for? -What can I do you for? Thinkin' 'bout getting me a couple of these big ol' rib eyes. -Thinkin' 'bout getting me a couple of these big ol' rib eyes. How many you need? -Hell, what am I holding back for? Why don't you just give me everything you got here? All the rib eyes? -All the rib eyes? Yep. And while you're at it, get me a few of them chicken wings... some pork loins... and, ooo, what's this here? Osso buco?... -He's teaching environmental science, Grant. Probably wants to borrow my lesson plans from last semester. Oh yeah, that's what he wants to borrow, this guy. -Oh yeah, that's what he wants to borrow, this guy. It's just a work thing. -It's just a work thing. Work thing hell, Starla. He just wants to get in your pussy. Him and most these other ones around here. That's where their minds is at, them sick fucks. -Grant, no -- I'm sorry, I'm just -- I'm not in the mood. Grant is on top of her, breathing a little too heavy. GRANT Come on, baby, it's -- I'm sorry. I don't just have some switch. -I'm sorry. I don't just have some switch. Sure you do. -Flip. That's disrespectful. -Where are you going? I'm just some big clown to you, ain't I? -I'm just some big clown to you, ain't I? That's not true -- Where are you--? -That's not true -- Where are you--? Out. -I never danced in a towel before. Wearing white, just like on our... wedding day. I remember it. -Welcome home. Grant? Why are there -- did you put locks on the garage? -Yeahhhh. I'm sorry. I just got so excited about... your present. My present? -My present? You're my princess, aren't you? -You're my princess, aren't you? Okay. -Okay. I got a super--special birthday present for you this year. I couldn't risk you finding it, so I had to put them locks on the doors. -What are you doing? You're pretty. -Who's that? It's just one of my students, Grant. -Grant. Oh my God. What happened to your -- ? Heh. It ain't as bad as it looks, sugarplum. Dr. Carl was just here. I had a reaction to a bee sting. He gave me a prescription. Said I should be fine, in a couple days. -I'll get if for you. No! No. Heh. I'll be right back. -Why'd you betray me, sugarplum?! Grant, no! -Grant, no! I loved you. I loved -- -I loved you. I loved -- Grant, you're sick! -But not always. I was -- He was... other stuff too. What other stuff? -Now he's here. He went in Mr. Grant. Through a wound on his stomach? -He took him over. His body. His -- his brain, everything what he knew. He's only been dumb stuff before amoeba--things, and rhino--things. He liked being human. Didn't want to change. And you said the worms are part of him. They're all linked, like one creature? -And you said the worms are part of him. They're all linked, like one creature? When one sees you they all see you. -When one sees you they all see you. An animal that doesn't procreate. It spreads, grows. A living disease. -Ain't no mystery to it. She's raised in them shanties off St. Luc. Dirt--poor. Gold--digger, huh? -So he drags the cow backwards here. Only he prolly didn't know 'bout the Castavets had them dogs. Hey, look! -Where'd he go? We ain't never gonna find that girl now. -Praise Jesus. 'Praise Jesus?' That's fucking pushing it, Margaret. -Maybe you better sit back down. You don't look so good. Margaret. -Just the man who's gonna see you driven to your knees! Sheriff Buell Clayton from Texas. Not that I don't have any respect for the law, but what's your problem, man? -Not that I don't have any respect for the law, but what's your problem, man? You. -You. Yeah, well I kinda figured that. -Yeah, well I kinda figured that. You know, you may think you're gonna get away, but I promise you, everytime you turn around, I'll be there, breathing down your neck. -You know, you may think you're gonna get away, but I promise you, everytime you turn around, I'll be there, breathing down your neck. Well, if your breath is as sweet as your personality, I got a lot to look forward to. Adios. -Get your hands off my daughter! Your what? -Aw, ain't you glad to see me, Bandit? Yeah, it's the highlight of my day. -What's he get if he wins here? If...? -I can't believe there's two thousand people here to watch a bunch of guys back up their trucks. America's bored. Now, what do you want? -America's bored. Now, what do you want? You to forget this dumbass Roadeo and take on a real challenge. -You're crazy, man. Smart dresser, but crazy. What's the matter? Legend has it Bandit LaRue's king of the road. -What's the matter? Legend has it Bandit LaRue's king of the road. I can make it to Texarkana and back in twenty-eight hours... that's no sweat. -I hear a few weeks ago you smuggled sixteen Beaners up to West Virginia. You know how rumors start. -Look, you make this little run for me, I'll buy you a new rig. Last year, this was a new rig. -Last year, this was a new rig. But it wasn't a Kenworth. -I got a boy running in the Peach Tree Classic tomorrow and when he wins, I wanna celebrate in style. How much style? -How much style? Four hundred cases worth. Well? -Four hundred cases worth. Well? You paying for the gas? -You got my barley pop? What do you think? -Okay. I was in Texas dancing in an industrial show for Sunkist Oranges. They say I'm the new Anita Bryant. But I'm really a dancer from New York. A lot of credits. Moderate talent. Anyway, after opening night, I was walking back to the motor lodge and suddenly there he was. A tall Texan with a twenty-nine inch waist. Pure dynamite. All sound reasons for matrimony. -All sound reasons for matrimony. Look, I'm a twenty-eight year old hoofer who spends most of her time with fags. Besides, I'm impulsive. It runs in the family. We're all crazy. Mind if I smoke? Anyway, today was the 'bid day.' But as I was walking down the aisle, I realized this is total insanity. What am I going to do in Texas the rest of my life? I can't marry Jerry Jeff. I mean, we're eventually gonna have to talk. So, halfway down the aisle, I turned and split. You think I'm nuts, right? -Look, I'm a twenty-eight year old hoofer who spends most of her time with fags. Besides, I'm impulsive. It runs in the family. We're all crazy. Mind if I smoke? Anyway, today was the 'bid day.' But as I was walking down the aisle, I realized this is total insanity. What am I going to do in Texas the rest of my life? I can't marry Jerry Jeff. I mean, we're eventually gonna have to talk. So, halfway down the aisle, I turned and split. You think I'm nuts, right? Absolutely not. In fact, I picked up a bride yesterday; except she was a singer. -Kate McConnell. Kate McConnell. Sweet, shy... well- dressed. I'm giving her a lift to the next waterhole. -Why're you driving so fast? I gotta get back to Atlanta in thirteen hours. -I gotta get back to Atlanta in thirteen hours. Why? You have a bowling date? -Why? You have a bowling date? Cute. No, 'cause no one's ever made it from Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty-eight hours. -Cute. No, 'cause no one's ever made it from Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty-eight hours. Who'd want to? -Who'd want to? I never looked at it that way. You ask a lot of questions. -I never looked at it that way. You ask a lot of questions. Why are you doing this obviously macho feat? -Why are you doing this obviously macho feat? For a new Kenworth. That's a truck. -For a new Kenworth. That's a truck. A truck? You're doing this for a truck? That's insanity. -A truck? You're doing this for a truck? That's insanity. It's not a truck. It's the Rolls Royce of eighteen-wheelers. -It's not a truck. It's the Rolls Royce of eighteen-wheelers. But you could get killed, right? -But you could get killed, right? Hey, you could get killed crossing the street. -Hey, you could get killed crossing the street. An existentialist. -An existentialist. A what? -A what? Eyes on the road. -So tell me about yourself. Okay. -Well?... Whaddya want to know? My sign? -Whaddya want to know? My sign? No. I want to know what you think about besides ditching Smokey? -No. I want to know what you think about besides ditching Smokey? Having fun. -Having fun. Is this fun? -Is this fun? Driving? -Driving? Driving, talking to me... -Driving, talking to me... They're both a challenge. -They're both a challenge. You have a great profile. -You have a great profile. Yeah, I do. Especially from that angle. -Where you from? Mattoon, Illinois. But I moved down south to work in the Civil Rights movement. -Mattoon, Illinois. But I moved down south to work in the Civil Rights movement. Seriously?!? -Seriously?!? Would I lie to you? -Guess what? I give up. -I give up. You just passed your nemesis. -What the hell's going on? I forget to tell you. I'm running blocker for four hundred cases of illegal brew. -Anything? We're cool. The dumb schmuck took the wrong turn. -Can I ask you something? Shoot. -Shoot. What do you want to be when you grow up? -You know, you're not a bad driver. You know, you're not a bad passenger. -That's a Texas cop. What the hell's he doing in Arkansas? I don't know. Maybe Jerry Jeff sent the heat after us. -I don't know. Maybe Jerry Jeff sent the heat after us. A Texas Bear in Arkansas. Something's up and at this point in my life, I don't want to know what it is. -You know, my mother was a dancer, too. Her big shot was the touring company of 'Brigadoon.' She's been married three times. To a redneck, a poet and her tennis instructor. See, I motor-mouth when I get nervous. I was nervous when I first got into the car. Now I'm scared shitless. Believe me, there's nothing to be afraid of. -Well? We lost him. -Your honeymoon would've never been this exciting. I don't know. We were planning on seeing the Astrodome. -Christ, what channel are we on?... Eleven. -The bus'll pick you up over there. Uh... you got enough bread for a ticket? Enough to get to Jersey. I'll walk the rest of the way. I've been sitting a long time. Nice meeting you. It's been a trip. -Enough to get to Jersey. I'll walk the rest of the way. I've been sitting a long time. Nice meeting you. It's been a trip. Hey... -Hey... Enjoy your Kenworth. -Jesus!!! Trucker coffee. It's three times stronger. Good for a hundred miles. That, a coupla perks, and you can leap tall buildings in a single bound. -See ya, Kate. Ciao. -What the hell are you doing?!? He's after us again! -You know this guy, don't you? I've never seen him before in my life. I'm just trying to help you out. -I've never seen him before in my life. I'm just trying to help you out. By stealing my car? -By stealing my car? I would've come back for you. -I would've come back for you. Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah. -Look, the truth is, I didn't want to be dumped at the truck stop. I wanted to go on with you. I needed an excuse. You could've asked. -You could've asked. You might have said no. I have trouble handling rejection. -Where did you learn how to drive like this? Like what? -Mississippi's the other way! You want to lose this putz or not?!? --- You know, I used to be a high fashion model. Tried it for six months and almost freaked. Makeup, silly clothes, a little man saying 'darling' every two seconds... Yeah, it's tough when your cheek- bones are your main asset. -Yeah, it's tough when your cheek- bones are your main asset. Uh-oh. -Let's hit it. Nice meeting you, Cledus. Keep on truckin'. -You plan on driving trucks all your life? No, actually I was thinking of becoming a brain surgeon. --- Trucking ain't the easiest life in the world. I mean, you can't make it much past fifty and you sure as shit don't get a gold watch when you hang it all up. But I like keeping on the move. You know? Do I know? I'm an authority on it. -Do I know? I'm an authority on it. I guess if there's one lesson I've learned, it's that even misery has a tough time hitting a moving target. I forgot your question? -I guess if there's one lesson I've learned, it's that even misery has a tough time hitting a moving target. I forgot your question? You plan on driving trucks all your life? -You plan on driving trucks all your life? I... uh... I don't know. I guess don't like to think about it. -I... uh... I don't know. I guess don't like to think about it. Then let's change the subject. What do you think about forced school busing? -An unmarked police car. How do you know? -How do you know? I know. Bandit two, bring yourself on in. -I'm sure the Arkansas Bears put out an all-points. You take the front, I'll take the back. -I'm proud of you. Yeah? -Yeah? You only smoked three cigarettes through the entire state of Mississippi. -Kate... Ummm? -Ummm? I been thinking. Maybe I should drop you in Montgomery. I mean, the way things are going, it might get pretty hairy by the time we get to Atlanta. -I been thinking. Maybe I should drop you in Montgomery. I mean, the way things are going, it might get pretty hairy by the time we get to Atlanta. Forget it. This is one of the longest relationships I've ever had. I'm not blowing it now. --- Actually, my heaviest relationship was with a rock singer named Ramblin' Bobby Holt. When I turned twenty- one, I went to Europe with visions of being free and independent. My luck, he was on the plane. I landed in Paris and fell in love before I could claim my baggage. We were together for almost a year. I thought he was it. And? -And? He wasn't. One day I came home and found him taking a shower -- with another girl. And her sister. -My very words. Well, that's what you get for falling in love with a guy who's first name is Ramblin'. -They should arrest people for obeying the speed limit. Bandit II? --- It's hard to believe this schmuck Kyle would go to such lengths for Coors beer. It's not the beer. He just wants to see me fail. -It's not the beer. He just wants to see me fail. What kind of a guy is he? -What kind of a guy is he? The minute you see him, you'll know. -What are you gonna do when you get home? Sleep for a week. Wanna join me? -Why are you stopping? Weight Station. -One to five? Maybe six months with good behavior. One to five. -Well, at least it hasn't been boring. Well, thanks for the lift. -Well, thanks for the lift. Hey... -What can I say? Promise me you won't fall in love with an inmate. -He's just exhausted. That man is your father?!? -I should've told you, but you would've thrown me out, right? Absolutely. -Absolutely. Listen, he's nuts. I mean certifiable. But believe it or not, he once looked great in Levis. That's why my mother married him. But like all good things... I know what you're thinking. -What are you thinking? You gotta admire the man's determination. -See ya, Bandit. See ya, Kate. -Why should I? Because I need your help, sweet thing. And I need it bad. -I'm working, Bandit. Besides, what's the matter? Won't your new girl friend help you? Hot Pants, please. I'm gonna be flying by in about five minutes with Smokey on my tail. Can you lock it off behind me? -What do you want me to do, Hot Pants? Beg? Yes. -Yes. I'm begging. -I'm begging. I want you to know I'm doing this against my better instincts. -I want you to know I'm doing this against my better instincts. But you'll do it? -But you'll do it? I'll do it. -I'll do it. I owe you a big one, Hot Pants. -I owe you a big one, Hot Pants. You sure do. -What's your pleasure? Couple of cheeseburgers, no condiments... -Couple of cheeseburgers, no condiments... No what? -No what? Nothing on 'em and two cups of mud; one while I'm waiting. -Order up! That's me. -Sure I can't interest you in anything else? Another time. -Cledus. No. -No. Wake up, man; I just got us a hot run for big bucks. -Whadda we have to do -- kidnap the Pope? How'd you know? -Twenty-eight hours! You're outta your gord. Is that any way to talk to your ole partner? Look, it's only nine hundred miles each way. -Is that any way to talk to your ole partner? Look, it's only nine hundred miles each way. That means we gotta average ninety- four miles per. Forget it. -That means we gotta average ninety- four miles per. Forget it. No one's ever done it before. This'll put us on the map. -No one's ever done it before. This'll put us on the map. Or in the slammer. -Or in the slammer. Did I tell you they're gonna give us a brand new Kenworth? -Did I tell you they're gonna give us a brand new Kenworth? Waynette! -Believe me, man; Fred'll be no problem. Yeah, I can tell he's gonna be a major asset. -You know of course, we ain't ever gonna make it. Quit being so negative, guy; 'course we're gonna make it. We ain't never not made it, have we? -Quit being so negative, guy; 'course we're gonna make it. We ain't never not made it, have we? No. -No. See. -See. Our asses gonna be in a sling if we get caught. -Our asses gonna be in a sling if we get caught. And if we don't, they're gonna be riding high in a brand new Kenworth. -How long's this gonna take? I don't know, man. Ask him? -I don't know, man. Ask him? We gotta let the slack out, Cledus; this is costing us time. -We gotta let the slack out, Cledus; this is costing us time. If you ask me, I think we should make that run to Choo Choo Town and pick up that load of lumber. Nice. Easy. And within the law. -If you ask me, I think we should make that run to Choo Choo Town and pick up that load of lumber. Nice. Easy. And within the law. Also boring. -Also boring. But I still don't think... -What are you doin' now? Running blocker. -All right, here's our plan of communication, so as to avoid Smokey. Go. -Go. Now, if I say go to channel three, it really means go to six. -Now, if I say go to channel three, it really means go to six. Six. Got it. -Six. Got it. If I say go to twenty-one, go to nineteen. -If I say go to twenty-one, go to nineteen. Twenty-one is nineteen. -Twenty-one is nineteen. If I say go to two, it's really one. -If I say go to two, it's really one. Two is one. Listen, let's just stay on the odd channels and switch everytime. Start in the basement. Now, let's haul ass. -You're wall to wall and tree top tall. I'm gonna run a couple miles ahead of you. Keep both feet on the floor. We'll be moving ninety and over. -I'm gonna run a couple miles ahead of you. Keep both feet on the floor. We'll be moving ninety and over. Bandit? -Bandit? Yeah? -Yeah? Why are we doing this? -Why are we doing this? Because they said it couldn't be done. -Loud and clear. Pull your hammer back, Smokey's coming at you. -He's history. Okay, we got a straight shot to T Town, so let her roll. -Shit! No one's here. That's 'cause we're damn near an hour ahead of schedule. -That's 'cause we're damn near an hour ahead of schedule. Let's keep it that way. -Liquid gold. Redneck heaven. -You know how to drive one of these things? Can a pig whistle? -Hit the brakes! They're jammed! -Let's get the hell outta here. Shouldn't we pay 'em for the damages? -Shouldn't we pay 'em for the damages? Right. Give me your pen. We'll tell 'em to bill Kyle. -We still on schedule? Forty-two minutes ahead. -I hate to say I told you so. Save it. We got a long haul. -Save it. We got a long haul. Clear and rolling. -Bandit I, do you copy? This is Bandit I, come back. -You can't swear on these. What's going on, Bandit? Come on. -What's going on, Bandit? Come on. Tell him we'll be back on the highway in a second. -This is Bandit II. Now, where the hell are you? On two lane blacktop. Mile marker six-one. How we doin' on time? -On two lane blacktop. Mile marker six-one. How we doin' on time? Thirty-eight minutes ahead of schedule. -Thirty-eight minutes ahead of schedule. What's your twenty? -What's your twenty? I'm 'bout four miles ahead of you, turkey. -I'm 'bout four miles ahead of you, turkey. Not for long, you ain't. -What's a Texas Smokey doing in Arkansas, man? If I knew, Cledus; I'd be on College Bowl. -I hope that's you, buddy; 'cause I'd hate to start believing in ghosts. What does the old Timex say? -What does the old Timex say? She's losing minutes so you better start running interference or we're never gonna make it. Might I remind you this was your brainstorm. -She's losing minutes so you better start running interference or we're never gonna make it. Might I remind you this was your brainstorm. I'll drop off my fare, hit a quick choke-and-puke and be blocking for you pronto. -Bandit? Yeah, guy? -Yeah, guy? Pick up a burger for Fred. He's going crazy. -My vocal cords are fine, but Fred's ain't. He's been barking, eating the seats and driving me crackers. Hear that? Where's his chow? On its way. Give me a coupla minutes, okay? -On its way. Give me a coupla minutes, okay? Do I have a choice? -Do I have a choice? What's your twenty? -What's your twenty? 'Bout fourteen miles this side of Mississippi. -I'm still trying to ditch this Texas Smokey. I don't know what the sucker wants. What they all want -- to handcuff a hero. -What they all want -- to handcuff a hero. As far as John Law knows, I'm just a joy ridin' Georgia redneck. We keep 'em outta your backyard, we're cool. Now just give me five to ditch this idiot and I'll meet you in Ole Miss. -As far as John Law knows, I'm just a joy ridin' Georgia redneck. We keep 'em outta your backyard, we're cool. Now just give me five to ditch this idiot and I'll meet you in Ole Miss. If you don't, we can kiss that Kenworth good-bye. --- Gimme a twenty, pardner. I'm at marker eight-five. -I'm at marker eight-five. Son-of-a-gun. Me too. -I thought you were dumping the chick at the truck stop. I ran into complications. -I ran into complications. I hate to say it... -I hate to say it... Then don't. -Then don't. -- But everytime we've ever messed up, it's because your rhyme's over- ruling your reason. I know you think you're God's gift to waitresses, but... --- But everytime we've ever messed up, it's because your rhyme's over- ruling your reason. I know you think you're God's gift to waitresses, but... Just don't worry about it. How we doin' timewise? -Just don't worry about it. How we doin' timewise? Not good enough to be standing here shooting the bull. -Not good enough to be standing here shooting the bull. We're gone. -We're gone. Bandit? -Never mind. It's nothing. Anything else you don't want me to know? -Anything else you don't want me to know? Nope. Just keep those wheels churning. -Bandit two, I gotta make a quick pit stop. Now what? -Now what? We're outta motion lotion. -We're outta motion lotion. I'll keep streaking. Pick me up. --- Looks like a clear shot to the 'Bama State Line. I'll believe it when I see it. -I'm all ears, good buddy. You're gonna hit some heavy precipitation in about six minutes. Better let your flaps down, these roads are killers when they're damp. -You're gonna hit some heavy precipitation in about six minutes. Better let your flaps down, these roads are killers when they're damp. It shouldn't last. Gives me time to take a go-go juice break. -It shouldn't last. Gives me time to take a go-go juice break. We'll be waiting. Over. -Ran into a little hassle at the eatum- up-stop. You okay? -You okay? Just fine. What's the weather like? -Just fine. What's the weather like? God's back on our side, so let's get smokin'. -God's back on our side, so let's get smokin'. Roger. Keep the shiny side up and the greasy side down. Right, Fred? --- How we doing? It's gonna be close. Real close. -Talk to me. We're gonna have to do a little tightrope act. -We're gonna have to do a little tightrope act. Let's boogie. -I'm all ears. You're about to hit a convoy. Tighten up your rubber band. The oncoming's clear. -Bandit II? I'm here. -I'm here. You're coming up to the scale house. -You're coming up to the scale house. I'm cucumber cool. -Bandit I, let me offer my heartiest congratulations and a piece of advice. What's that, pardner? -What's that, pardner? Don't take that foot off the hammer, 'cause you got wall-to-wall Bears about to pour over you like maple syrup. -How's the clock, Bandit II. Ticking away, but it looks like a clear shot to Hot Town. Green lights and white lines all the way. -Are you loco, pardner!?! We've come this far. Yeah, but... -Yeah, but... When we agree to do a job, we do it. Right? -When we agree to do a job, we do it. Right? But they're waiting for me. They don't even know Cledus Snow exists. -But they're waiting for me. They don't even know Cledus Snow exists. Well, they're gonna. It's time this gearjammer rode to glory. Now, move aside; good buddy. I'm coming through. -Breaker. Breaker. Go breaker. -Go breaker. Bandit, I just thought I'd lay a Smokey report on you. -Bandit, I just thought I'd lay a Smokey report on you. Go head on, breaker. -Go head on, breaker. I would say your future's looking dim, boss. -I would say your future's looking dim, boss. What's your twenty and what's your handle? -What's your twenty and what's your handle? My handle's Smokey Bear and I got you by the tail. -My handle's Silver Tongued Devil and I'm here to tell you, your fellow CB'ers are mighty proud of y'all. Thanks much, Silver Tongued Devil. -Breaker. Breaker. Pick it up, Breaker. -Pick it up, Breaker. Thanks for the break. Bandit, this here's the Dixie Chicken. -Thanks for the break. Bandit, this here's the Dixie Chicken. What's up, Dixie Chicken? -Breaker, Breaker. This is Bandit I, coming up on a portable gas station. Do you copy? Bandit, this is Mister B, and I'm gearjamming this rolling refinery. You got another Smokey on the rubber? -Bandit, this is Mister B, and I'm gearjamming this rolling refinery. You got another Smokey on the rubber? What else? Can you give me cover, Mister B? -It ain't ever been done before, hot shit. See, running Coors Beer east of Texas is what bothers me. It makes me a bootlegger. -I think you're just yellow. Wonderful psychology. Why don't you say something about my mom? Excuse me. -Pop, a K-Whopper's worth seventy thou. Seventy-two five. Why do you want this barley pop so bad? -Seventy-two five. Why do you want this barley pop so bad? He's thirsty. -Have any trouble getting here? About one to five years worth. -Gimme three sloppy joes and a coupla cups of hot stuff. You pass that funky Cobra on the highway? -You pass that funky Cobra on the highway? Uh-uh. What Cobra? -Uh-uh. What Cobra? Some boy named Bandit's been givin' the Highway Patrol shit fits. -Some boy named Bandit's been givin' the Highway Patrol shit fits. Oh, yeah. Good for him. -Oh, yeah. Good for him. I don't know where he's goin' or what he's doin', but I sure hope to God he makes it. -Listen, pardner; this ain't no time to be getting laid. Believe me, that won't be a problem. -This is Bandit I. Over. Where the hell are you? -Where the hell are you? Smokey was on our tail. We had to take a detour to ditch the motherfu... -Shut up, Fred. Who's Fred? -Bandit II. We'll be back on the highway in a second. Over. I'll keep my eyeballs peeled. -Yeah, Bandit II, Que pasa? That's a Texas bubble gum machine on your back porch. -That's a Texas bubble gum machine on your back porch. What's he... -I'm Kate. You must be Cledus. Yes, ma'am. -Yes, ma'am. How's your twenty? -Bandit two, you read me? You're soundin' real bodacious. Back. -Is that Bandit in the lead? If that sumbitch was in the race, he'd be in the winner's circle by now. -If that sumbitch was in the race, he'd be in the winner's circle by now. I still think this whole idea is dumb, pop. -I still think this whole idea is dumb, pop. Then it must be a helluva idea. -Why don't we just rent a Lear jet and haul it back ourselves? Because I wanna see this hot shot Bandit do something that can't be done. Besides, there's nothing I like better than breaking legends. -But if it can't be done, how's he gonna do it? That's the point, Dickey. -That's the point, Dickey. Oh. -Oh. Now, you just find him, son. -Now, you just find him, son. Yes, sir. -Five thou. Chickenshit money. -That crazy sumbitch made it. Congratulations. You just became a legend maker. --- Breaker, this is Banana Peel... -- Yeah, Breaker go head on. --- Yeah, Breaker go head on. -- Thanks much. I'd like to get me a Smokey report? --- Thanks much. I'd like to get me a Smokey report? -- Road looks clean as a hound's tooth. --- Road looks clean as a hound's tooth. -- Okey, doke. Last one to the Roadeo is a homo. --- Breaker, Breaker. This is Banana Peel. -- Yeah, Banana Peel, go head on. --- Yeah, Banana Peel, go head on. -- Did ya hear they nailed the Bandit? --- Did ya hear they nailed the Bandit? -- Yeah, I heard. But they won't hold him for long. Anyway, he sure gave them sumbitches a run for their money. -It's gotta be tough keeping an eye on everything. And everybody, all the time. Yeah, it's a chore. -So, Bill, if I understand this right, you currently have your penthouse floor under construction? That's correct. -That's correct. But with these down, doesn't that pose a major security concern if, as you say, you have to keep an eye on everything at all times? -But with these down, doesn't that pose a major security concern if, as you say, you have to keep an eye on everything at all times? Well, we were worried about dust and debris from the work being done ruining the cameras, so-- -Well, we were worried about dust and debris from the work being done ruining the cameras, so-- -- so you shut them off? -Yes, but no -- we have personnel stationed at both ends of that hall, twenty-four hours a day. What kind of personnel? -Right now? A six man security force, plus a member of our Butler staff. So seven men total. You have a butler working that floor? -Uh -- well, yes, uh just in terms of the men up there now, my team, he's serving lunch and dinner and just doing general upkeep so -- So there are no guests staying on that floor? -"C'mon Bill... you've got some Sultan up there, one of your whales, big- spender, likes a lot of space, you cook up this ""construction"" thing...?" No, no, no. We've been looking to renovate that area of our hotel for some time now. The security team is only present to preserve floor integrity, due to the roof access. -No, no, no. We've been looking to renovate that area of our hotel for some time now. The security team is only present to preserve floor integrity, due to the roof access. Is your security team armed? -Is your security team armed? Of course. Yes. -Of course. Yes. And who has access to that floor? -Anything on the Swede? Only the mention made in that phone call. There's no Swedish hitman of any renown, much less one with a million dollar day rate. -Only the mention made in that phone call. There's no Swedish hitman of any renown, much less one with a million dollar day rate. Maybe he's that good. Never been caught, no criminal record. -Maybe he's that good. Never been caught, no criminal record. Maybe. -I tell you, engineering this kind of play against Sparazza, going to the lengths these guys are going to... they're playing some long odds. And a very bad gamble. -And a very bad gamble. Well... This is as good a place for it as any I guess. -Spotter on the lake confirmed Israel. Penthouse level. There was apparently a fisticuffs with some prostitutes. He wasn't involved. He's also had his people phone a local madame for another group of girls. No rest for the wicked. Why were we never shown these files? We're sitting on Sparazza for what? Six months now and we're just seeing this? Did you know that he's has had thirty- six major medical procedures performed on him since 1953? Elective plastic surgery, every single one -- -Unreal, this guys jacket too. Wall- to-wall major felony offenses, murder, extortion, arson, grand larceny -- -- A paternity suit... I just feel like we're playing catch-up with all this and we shouldn't be. Welcome to the new Bureau. Nobody shares information anymore, it's become synonymous with job security. -Welcome to the new Bureau. Nobody shares information anymore, it's become synonymous with job security. Based on what we had, I thought Sparazza was a mid-level player at best and it turns out he's this mob relic, running the show out west. -But the Bureau knew Sparazza killed Heller. Why not go after him, guns blazing' for that one? Heller was buried in agency lore, anytime an operative failed or was perceived to have failed, Hoover blackballed their memory. Look at Ness. -Heller was buried in agency lore, anytime an operative failed or was perceived to have failed, Hoover blackballed their memory. Look at Ness. Yeah, but the Untouchables took down Capone. Heller got shot and killed. The bad guys beat him. Worse, Sparazza walked. -So he has no idea what's about to happen? No. And I want to be in that room a half second after Mecklen calls to say the deal's done. We've got a sheriff's task force on stand-by. -No. And I want to be in that room a half second after Mecklen calls to say the deal's done. We've got a sheriff's task force on stand-by. What about the hotel staff obstructing us. Israel's obviously paid off the management. -What about the hotel staff obstructing us. Israel's obviously paid off the management. "Tampering with a witness extraction of this magnitude makes everyone indictable at the federal level. Trust me, we won't any problems with the hotel staff. You show 'em your ID with the letters ""F.B.I."" in all caps and it's instant compliance. I've seen in happen a hundred times." -He's giving them up? All of 'em. His entire entourage. I think we should move. -All of 'em. His entire entourage. I think we should move. Did the Justice lawyers sign off? -Did the Justice lawyers sign off? That's happening in about ten minutes. Israel's at optimum risk of flight right now, so we can't wait. -What about the sheriff's task force? Have them mobilized. I'll phone security and have the elevators locked down and stairwells secured. We need to keep Israel sequestered in that penthouse. -Deputy, have you made any ID's? Get a coroner's estimate too. -- Miss, I've been transferred and I was disconnected. No one is answering and I need someone from security to pick up that line. It's urgent. -Maroon uniforms? Yeah. Have you been able to get through to the Nomad's security? -Yeah. Have you been able to get through to the Nomad's security? No. I'm going over there. You take the car from there, get out to the lake. -How bad? Mortal. -Mortal. No. -No. Yeah. -Yeah, ye-- I -- uh, there were, earlier, there was that guy Carrut-- -- Agent Carruthers. Do you know where is he now? --- Agent Carruthers. Do you know where is he now? He uh -- he asked about -- I'm -- he wanted to know whic-- what floor security was on, then I saw him get on the elevator with the other agent. -He uh -- he asked about -- I'm -- he wanted to know whic-- what floor security was on, then I saw him get on the elevator with the other agent. Wait a minute, what other agent? What other agent? -Did he give you his name? Yeah, uh -- it was Spanish-somethin' Garcia, or Diego, uh -- -Yeah, uh -- it was Spanish-somethin' Garcia, or Diego, uh -- -- run both those names through the D.C. database. Call San Francisco, see if they've got anybody in the field doing collateral inquiries for -- --- run both those names through the D.C. database. Call San Francisco, see if they've got anybody in the field doing collateral inquiries for -- -- he was wearing one of our jackets. -Who? The other agent. He said he was here to do an inspection and later, when he got on the elevator with the other guy, Carruthers, I saw him wearing one of our security jackets... -This man wearing the jacket identified himself as an Federal agent? Uh, yeah. -Uh, yeah. You're sure? -You're sure? "Yeah, he had the badge and everything. It said ""FBI"" on it." -"Yeah, he had the badge and everything. It said ""FBI"" on it." And when you saw him later, he was wearing one of your security jackets -- -And when you saw him later, he was wearing one of your security jackets -- Yeah. -Yeah. And that didn't seem odd to you? -You investigating those murders out at the lake? Ww... uh... -Ww... uh... Three men were ambushed and shot, two died and had their bodies tossed into the lake, the other has severe hypothermia, possible dementia and will probably be a multiple amputee by week's end... if he even lives that long. -Yeah, shit -- hell, you're right. I'm sorry. You shot me and murdered my friends. -You shot me and murdered my friends. I did. We -- yeah, I know. -I did. We -- yeah, I know. And threw us into the lake. -And threw us into the lake. Pretty much, yep. -And this is your car, isn't it? Mmm-hmm. -Mmm-hmm. But there were more of you? -But there were more of you? Yeah, m'brothers... They didn't make it. -Yeah, m'brothers... They didn't make it. Two of 'em? -Two of 'em? Thass' right. I got other brother's though, so it ain't so bad. -Thass' right. I got other brother's though, so it ain't so bad. You were here huntin' a man named Israel, weren't you? Your name is Tremor. -...I forgive you Darwin. Shoot, I appreciate that man. -Shoot, I appreciate that man. If I needed your I.D. and your car and me and my brothers were wanted by the law, I woulda killed you to get 'em too. -If I needed your I.D. and your car and me and my brothers were wanted by the law, I woulda killed you to get 'em too. You woulda? -You woulda? Oh hell yeah. We's just in the wrong place at the wrong time. So don't feel so bad dude. -Oh hell yeah. We's just in the wrong place at the wrong time. So don't feel so bad dude. Damn... alright then. -Damn... alright then. I don't mind now anyway. You know, up here in Heaven, it's beautiful. Way better than fuckin' Hawaii or any place like that. -Really? I'm glad I'm here. I love it. I'm gonna get laid by some fine ass angels and then go hang out with Jesus and them. -Man, that's great. I got it made in the shade Amigo. Hey, I'll see you up here some day, don't worry. -I got it made in the shade Amigo. Hey, I'll see you up here some day, don't worry. You think so? -Are you on a land line? Yeah, why. -I've got concerns. ...About what? -...About what? About cocaine... and the amount you're doing. -About cocaine... and the amount you're doing. I'm not doing cocaine. -I'm not doing cocaine. Buddy, I'm not an ethics professor, I'm a physician, be honest, or be dead within a day... s'your choice. --- Forget about the tissue damage you're doing to the heart itself. Sustained cocaine abuse will segue you from a very painful ventricular fibrillation into full cardiac arrest. Buddy, nobody knows about your condition, or your drug use. Why you lied to me, knowing that I'd find out anyway, I'll never know, but it imperative now that I see you. That's not possible. I told you. -That's not possible. I told you. There are certain meds, certain intravenous measures that can counteract some of the damage you've done, but I'd have to administer them myself. -There are certain meds, certain intravenous measures that can counteract some of the damage you've done, but I'd have to administer them myself. Won't work, we're just gonna have to chance it man. I'm sorry. -Won't work, we're just gonna have to chance it man. I'm sorry. No. Sorry comes later, when you're in a partial coma with ambulatory paralysis. Sorry comes when we have to decide which of your limbs have to be amputated because severely constricted blood flow has brought about a gangrenous infection, sorry -- -No. Sorry comes later, when you're in a partial coma with ambulatory paralysis. Sorry comes when we have to decide which of your limbs have to be amputated because severely constricted blood flow has brought about a gangrenous infection, sorry -- -- Fine, fuck, I got it... Lake Tahoe, Nevada. I'll have Hugo book your flight, you can be here in a couple hours. He'll meet you at the airport. -I'm here, where's the car? I sent Hugo, he should be there! -What happened? The Teamsters had a reform measure going to ballot that didn't sit too well with the local syndicate. Night of the polling, big black-tie to-do downtown and the Tremor Brothers crash the party. Literally. -His law firm, same one that hired me. Israel walked out after he made bail and nobody's seen him since. Jack, if the rumors hold and Israel is really the great white whale of snitches, then the mob is looking to put all kinds of bullets into his ass and pour some serious psychotics into the mix to do just that. So what real incentive is there to track him on something as small-time as a skip trace, when it's putting you and yours in the path of severe pain and suffering and an almost certain prelude to doom. -So I guess you're not going. Shit, if you're on a crazy jag, why stop there, why not take Fort Knox with a fucking slingshot or go into Hell after Hitler... I like your chances a lot more. -I know his location, we've got the drop of a maybe half a day before that location gets grape-vined and the rest of the world gets hipped. That's already happened hoss. It's naive to think otherwise. -Yeah, we've been through that. Then quit acting like somebody shit in your cereal bowl. Reed just gave us fifty grand. -Then quit acting like somebody shit in your cereal bowl. Reed just gave us fifty grand. -- Jack, what am I doing? I'm standing here, aren't I? Shouldn't that be enough? That I made the trip? --- Jack, what am I doing? I'm standing here, aren't I? Shouldn't that be enough? That I made the trip? Your attitude sucks. -Your attitude sucks. I been accused of worse. What do we got...? -Two security levels, the one we're going in under the guise of, hotel security, has restricted access. They're mostly there to monitor the lobby, handle disturbances on the different floors and toss out drunks. There's a thirty-five member employee rotation going from graveyard to day shift. If we split up, we can blend in and enter unnoticed. Once we're inside the hotel, we'll regroup. Then what -- -D'you talk to'm? I got his machine. -What'd you say? I said I got his machine. -I said I got his machine. No, what did you say on the machine? -No, what did you say on the machine? I left him a message. -I left him a message. I know you left him a message. What did you say! -Jesus Hugo! How is it that you can turn a simple conversation into a fucking hedge maze!? This is zero degree of difficulty man! Okay. -Okay. Then why are you still looking at me like I'm asking for the square root of something! What did you say!? -I said that we were returning his call and you were real concerned, because he sounded real concerned. Look at that, we didn't have to fill up the whole blackboard after all. Now, do you know anything about that? -About what? Look at the collar on that coat... -I dunno... Cinnamon roll? "Cinnamon roll? No, good guess though. No, Hugo that looks like jizz... And I'm no forensic expert mind you, but that looks like some fuckhead shot their load on a twelve-thousand dollar calf's skin jacket. The twist? It's My twelve thousand dollar, calf's skin jacket. So y'got semen, human ejaculate -- -- that's been allowed to soak in for what, six, seven hours now? Work it's way into the fabric-fuck'n fibers -- and while you may never see it in a Tide commercial, I think it still safely qualifies as a ""tough, deep down stain.""" -I could have it sent out... ...to what? Incinerate? 'Cuz I'm almost dead certain there's not a fucking laundry detergent or dry cleaning process known to man that can ever return that jacket to its former glory! Some shit, suffice it to say, just don't wash out. Now, the money question... To whom does that stain belong? -Do you want me to say I did it? I was kinda hoping, yeah. -I was kinda hoping, yeah. Do you want me to say I'm sorry? -Do you want me to say I'm sorry? Only if you really, truly mean it. -...I'm sorry... Are you a fucking colossal idiot? -Are you a fucking colossal idiot? I am. Yeah. -I am. Yeah. Without peer? -Without peer? I -- uh, yeah, I guess, yeah. -Answer your fucking pages! I've been calling for fifteen minutes, we need you up here to clean NOW! That's right! RIGHT NOW! -Fifty grand gouge. South shore hayseeds, this is why I never play Tahoe, or redneck Reno... "We're hot, and they're losing a whole floor's worth of business saying it's ""under construction.""" -"We're hot, and they're losing a whole floor's worth of business saying it's ""under construction.""" Alright, bag it, I'm not shelling out that kinda bread for this shithole, this is a junior suite in Vegas. Call Mecklen right now, he should have his cell on, I need an update. Get the Russian up here, have him clean this place, floor to ceiling and get us packed. ...And send out for some new skeeze, the sun's up, these ones are starting to stink... -That's probably him now... ...See, this is one'a them rare moments when y'ass get a chance to be completely honest... and if I'm asking you what you said to Mecklen, assume the shit is rhetorical... so assume I already know. -Y'ain't never had to wash another man's blood off, dig it out y'fingernails... Y'had us for that. Y'ain't ever made a real beef on y'own, shit as light in the ass as you are, I'll bet you ain't ever made anything more than a fuck'n fist your whole life. So if you think I'mma let your lil' punk-ass, with the dirt I've done for you, in the eleventh hour, sell me off like some fucking field nigger, hand me up to the Feds like y'last chip, then you done gone straight out-your-motherfucking MIND! That's Mecklen. The deal's closing. I can pick that phone up and I can work this out. You'll walk with me. -FUCK YOU! GET IN HERE GODDAMMIT! -They're gonna give on this in the next ten seconds or the deal's off! I dunno what to say to you sweetheart, it is what it is. -I dunno what to say to you sweetheart, it is what it is. "Bullshit it is. I said, about as loud as I could say it, ""no jail time for my guys.""" -Baby, I've been co-habitating with these people for the past thirty odd hours and in so doing, have stared into the face of hell. These are the premier prick cocksuckers of all time and I feel beaten by them, I feel bloodied -- -- and you're gonna feel altogether fucked, by me, if you don't handle this. I'm the one, does the face plant, this falls apart, not you. -And I vibe that kiddo, I do indeed, but it's one'a those fait accompli things, you have to -- I don't have to do shit! Which includes cooperating any further with these motherfuckers until I get what I want! Alright, fuck it, if we gotta hand 'em somebody from our end and they're being hard-ons about it -- make it Hugo, him I don't mind. He needs that regimented thing that prison provides -- -I don't have to do shit! Which includes cooperating any further with these motherfuckers until I get what I want! Alright, fuck it, if we gotta hand 'em somebody from our end and they're being hard-ons about it -- make it Hugo, him I don't mind. He needs that regimented thing that prison provides -- -- Buddy, it's bigger than that, they want 'em all, Ivy, Beanie -- --- Buddy, it's bigger than that, they want 'em all, Ivy, Beanie -- -- this isn't a swap meet Morrey, they're getting Sparazza and the west coast syndicate, giftwrapped, now if that's not good enough -- -Buddy, they revoked the deal, they pulled it... They what? What? No. No. Why? -They what? What? No. No. Why? The Deputy Director, this prick Locke, he smashed the whole thing, we're done, they won't tell me why... -"Sparazza is rumored to have performed in excess of one-hundred and thirty contract murders, including one of the bureau's most celebrated agents. Freeman Heller. You heard of ""The Turnpike Murders"" that was Sparazza." I thought Heller was a double op? -So he's personally issued the contract on Israel? Sparazza was the one who introduced Israel to the life, gave him his first big break, brought him through the ranks. -A marked man gets wise and wants to come in. His testimony has the potential of blowing the lid off what's left of the La Cosa Nostra is this country. That alone warrants total immunity from prosecution and and a vanishing act with Witness Protection. -So the wiretaps we conducted on Serna and Padiche, the mention of Israel's heart? -- Your intel corroborates what we already know. Sparazza's health is in rapid decline and before his date with destiny, it seems he wants one last thing... The heart of his sworn enemy. A recently opened, cash rich escrow account has been traced back to Sparazza. This and the mention of this mysterious Swede makes the million dollar contract on Israel very real. -On an extradition flight back to El Salvador, he murdered a security detachment and vanished. You think it's possible he could be involved in the Israel hit? -You think it's possible he could be involved in the Israel hit? Possibly. Acosta is pure mercenary. And a million dollar hit fee will draw some huge flies. But forget about Sparazza's money for a moment and remember, there's no shortage of those who want Israel killed and no shortage of cash to do just that... -It's the last place they'd look. Israel's legal representation, the firm of Culpepper, Brody and Reed, which is currently the subject of a joint SEC and Treasury Department probe, were left holding the bag after he skipped bail. Over three- quarters of a million dollars on a bond that's set to expire in less than a day. Rupert Reed, one of the firm's partners, has learned of Israel's whereabouts and dispatched a local bondsman by the name of Jack Dupree to pick him up and return him to Las Vegas... that can't happen. We have a Gulf Stream standing by at Reagan International to transport you two to Lake Tahoe. It's very simple gentlemen. Valacchi, Fratiano, Gravano -- no former witness against the mob has been as crucial or has brought more to bear on the potential dissolution of The La Cosa Nostra, than Buddy Israel. -Here. Sit. Please. This is him? The hitman hired to kill Israel? He's a doctor? -This is him? The hitman hired to kill Israel? He's a doctor? Difficult to explain everything now... And much larger issues loom. I'm sorry about Carruthers... Damndest thing to have to die for. -What the hell -- What is this!? People died. Agent Carruthers is dead! We have to transport Mr. Israel to Las Vegas, time is of the essence. The gulfstream is standing by on the jetway at Tahoe International. I'm sorry, I'm restricted from disclosing anymore information. Return to Washington. You'll be debriefed in the coming days. -Where's Israel? What are you doing here? -What are you doing here? My debrief -- -My debrief -- -- will be handled back in -- --- will be handled back in -- -- no, we need to handle it now. -I can't discuss -- -- You can and you will. --- You can and you will. You're finished. -You're finished. And you just figured that out? The Swede isn't a hitman, is he? He's a surgeon. Sparazza didn't want Israel's heart for a trophy, he wanted it for a transplant... why? -...A paternity suit, filed 1967... -- Brought against Sparazza by Israel's mother Laverne who was nineteen at the time. They had a brief affair which Israel was the by- product of. -...Does he know? ...He does now... -Sparazza was in failing health and looking for a donor. The son who had betrayed and burned him so thoroughly seemed a obvious choice. So all of our intel was bogus to begin with. -So all of our intel was bogus to begin with. Yes. The actual contract went to Lazlo Soot, the man that plunged to his death from the Penthouse yesterday. He was to neutralize Israel's entourage and prep for the removal of his heart. Ingstrom was to handle the surgery itself on-site with the assistance of Dr. Gregory Gill, Israel's personal physician, who was also on the Sparazza payroll. -...When did you know all this? Information was arriving all day yesterday. When we finally figured out who Sparazza actually was, we -- -...Are you insane? "...Almost. What do you mean ""who Sparazza actually was...""" -You realize that Sparraza has had thirty-six major medical procedures performed on him since 1953? Elective plastic surgery, every single one -- It wasn't elective. It was undertaken to save his life. And it wasn't cosmetic, it was reconstructive... Look at the date of the first procedure. -It wasn't elective. It was undertaken to save his life. And it wasn't cosmetic, it was reconstructive... Look at the date of the first procedure. ...Yeah, fifty-three. -...Yeah, fifty-three. The same year that Sparazza murdered Agent Freeman Heller... -...holy shit... that's Heller... Isn't it? Primo Sparazza was Heller's alias. He went deep cover in 1940 and stayed under for over ten years, amassing materials against the mafia and other criminal syndicates. He may have ripped the organization wide open, pre-Appalachia, but his superiors were convinced that he had gone rogue, swapped allegiances...So they gave the order to terminate his cover. -The agents of that era are all dead and gone, history had defaulted to fable... until now. You can imagine the shock this sent through the corridors of power in D.C. Heller's op predates the second world war. That's over sixty years of intel. Do you know how valuable that could be? The man's a treasure trove. ...So you made another deal? -...So you made another deal? I wouldn't go that far. -I wouldn't go that far. But you did, and have... And now people are dead. Did Sparazza become more valuable than Israel... and did you make another deal? -You're trying to save Sparazza? No... We're trying to save Heller. -No... We're trying to save Heller. ...So you knew all this and yet y-- -...So you knew all this and yet y-- -- We needed cohesion to move forward. Not conjecture. --- We needed cohesion to move forward. Not conjecture. ...while Carruthers and a dozen others lie dying, you debate semantics. The Bureau's betrayed us... The way they betrayed him... -...while Carruthers and a dozen others lie dying, you debate semantics. The Bureau's betrayed us... The way they betrayed him... I don't see it like that at all. -I'll overlook what you've done here today in light of what's taken place. You've been fully debriefed. Now I want you to return to D.C. immediately and make no further inquiry into this matter. I mean it. It's closed. No... It's not. What it lacks... is an end. -Buzzy... Buzz...? Yeah... Sid? -Yeah... Sid? You got clicks, anything? -You got clicks, anything? Nah, nuthin' on my end -- -Nah, nuthin' on my end -- -- Okay... hang on, I gotta move -- -Alright, now Buzzy -- this is, this is it, here, okay, so listen to me careful and wait till I'm finished 'cuz we got no room for slop. I'm here. -Okay, he's gonna clip Israel, I just gotta outta there -- -- he's doing it then, huh -- --- he's doing it then, huh -- -- yeah, now lemme finish, I was eavesdroppin', so give me sec, lay this thing out, since the information might be a little loose -- --- yeah, now lemme finish, I was eavesdroppin', so give me sec, lay this thing out, since the information might be a little loose -- -- okay, g'head -- --- okay, g'head -- "So what I heard downstairs there is that they got a guy, some Swede, real badass, supposedly a ""specialist"" and they're bringing him over. Now he ain't coming cheap -- so, I'm thinkin' we jump, do this in the next day or so, get to Israel before the Swede can, we got chits, y'see? We're in a power position. Grab him, ransom him back, pick up that nut, we're that much closer to having our own thing." -No question, no, you're right. We gotta do what's good for us now. Fuckin' A, first survive, yes? -Fuckin' A, first survive, yes? Y'gotta, y'gotta. But d'ya think they'll kick ransom for that little prick, assuming we get to'm. -Y'gotta, y'gotta. But d'ya think they'll kick ransom for that little prick, assuming we get to'm. Yeah, y'ain't heard the punchline, yet and before I get to it, one more thing I heard, little curious, should probably bring it up... Primo wants Israel's heart. The actual thing, the organ. -... Jesus... what for? -- who can say. He's off his onion, y'know, he's old school Sicilian, this is how they hate. --- who can say. He's off his onion, y'know, he's old school Sicilian, this is how they hate. Wow. -Wow. Hey, we nab Israel, they pay t'get'm back, I'll cut the fuckin' thing out m'self, no extra charge. My thing is, we crew up, let's not fuck around, someone's cousin, some Zip off the boat from Naples, let's get pros, people who know how to behave. -Hey, we nab Israel, they pay t'get'm back, I'll cut the fuckin' thing out m'self, no extra charge. My thing is, we crew up, let's not fuck around, someone's cousin, some Zip off the boat from Naples, let's get pros, people who know how to behave. Yeah, there's a pair'a broads I'm thinking might be good for this. -Yeah, there's a pair'a broads I'm thinking might be good for this. Chances are, they're gonna get into some shit too, hafta put people down. -Chances are, they're gonna get into some shit too, hafta put people down. That's not a problem. Are we goin' outta pocket ourselves? -That's not a problem. Are we goin' outta pocket ourselves? Yeah, I can front this. -Yeah, I can front this. Well just so I got a quote in my head. What's the rate for the Swede? -Well just so I got a quote in my head. What's the rate for the Swede? That's the punchline, y'ready? -That's the punchline, y'ready? Shoot. -Shoot. A million flat. -A million flat. No shit. -No shit. None whatsoever. -Buzzy... Buzz...? Yeah... Sid? -Yeah... Sid? Right, you got clicks, anything? -Right, you got clicks, anything? Nah, nuthin' on my end -- -So how we lookin'? Good. This thing's on track, looks like it's gonna get done. -Good. This thing's on track, looks like it's gonna get done. Fuckin' thrilled t'hear it. So the scout, the sitdown, y'musta felt it from 'em then huh? -Fuckin' thrilled t'hear it. So the scout, the sitdown, y'musta felt it from 'em then huh? Cold blood Sid, dead eyes, y'know? -Lil' cagey, y'know, don't like t'share trade secrets, that type'a thing. Okay -- yeah, I can, I respect that. -Okay -- yeah, I can, I respect that. How are we on time...? -Well, I'm hearin' the Swede's been dispatched, he's flying so -- Well, uh -- damn, alright, so he's headed in, does that -- where does that leave us? --- No, no, not when y'can see the shore. I hear ya. Okay, well, y'know, then we just gotta get Israel. -Okay, well, y'know, then we just gotta get Israel. I'm working on it. -I'm working on it. Bag this fucker Buzzy. -Bag this fucker Buzzy. It's gettin' done Sid. -Georgia on my mind wit'yo fine ass. You know you saved this black man. You know I did baby... And a deep, dark one at that. Now if you ain't a dog, which you don't look like -- -You know I did baby... And a deep, dark one at that. Now if you ain't a dog, which you don't look like -- -- never in a million girl -- --- never in a million girl -- -- good, then all you got to be is grateful. --- good, then all you got to be is grateful. No doubt. That's my moms there, taught me them skills. -No doubt. That's my moms there, taught me them skills. You love her? -You love her? My mamma? C'mon shorty, y'gotta ask? You hurtin' pretty bad? -My mamma? C'mon shorty, y'gotta ask? You hurtin' pretty bad? Got hit twice. -Got hit twice. It's going around ain't it? Mafuckas catching bullets like the common cold up in this bitch. I think I accidentally shot and killed my boy today. -It's going around ain't it? Mafuckas catching bullets like the common cold up in this bitch. I think I accidentally shot and killed my boy today. Well, if it's any comfort, I's goin' in to there to act a fool baby. Straight rockin' heat and slayin' niggas -- -Well, if it's any comfort, I's goin' in to there to act a fool baby. Straight rockin' heat and slayin' niggas -- For real? -For real? Mmm-hmm... and your boy very well mighta been one of 'em. -Mmm-hmm... and your boy very well mighta been one of 'em. True? -True? Like a mafucka. -Like a mafucka. That takes some of the sting out. -That takes some of the sting out. I probably woulda busted on you too... and what a shame that woulda been. -I probably woulda busted on you too... and what a shame that woulda been. I feel like I know you girl. I feel like I've known you forever. You gonna lemme see your scars? -I feel like I know you girl. I feel like I've known you forever. You gonna lemme see your scars? You do the right thing. Sit with me while I heal, let it develop slow. -You do the right thing. Sit with me while I heal, let it develop slow. What were you doin' here anyway? -What were you doin' here anyway? 'Spose to kill this fool named Buddy Israel. -We gotta lay something out, strategy- wise. Somethin' tight. Y'go in there ad-libbing, it's y'ass. What are we talkin' on the split... -Why? 'Cuz we don't need to draw any more shit down on our heads. We hit whoever's between us and Israel. I don't want to dead the whole floor and I don't want to be killing women no matter how they make a living. -'Cuz we don't need to draw any more shit down on our heads. We hit whoever's between us and Israel. I don't want to dead the whole floor and I don't want to be killing women no matter how they make a living. Wait, I'm getting some fucked up feedback off that earpiece -- -Nuthin', we cool. There was somethin' about a fed being in the building. A Fed? Like FBI? -A Fed? Like FBI? It's just a little casino inspection, don't trip, he's alone. Alright, let's set this spinnin'... -When them tricks hit the lobby, holla at me and I'm gonna meet them on the way up, blend in. Once I get inside, I'mma put m'Nina to Israel's head and back out hot. Anybody's fucks with that program, y'break 'em off. They get gully -- I'mma grip and rip girl. I got some handloads here ready to cut heads. -I'mma grip and rip girl. I got some handloads here ready to cut heads. Jus' remember, this is more rescuin' shit than rampagin' shit... What are you shootin'? -Jus' remember, this is more rescuin' shit than rampagin' shit... What are you shootin'? ...Girl, y'know I had to bring big mamma through. -You got the fifty up? Bitch y'tryin' t'take down a jumbo jet? Blown the moon out the sky? T'fuck you wanna get that grimy? The try t'wild out on my boo and it's on and crackin'! I'm layin' niggas out. -The try t'wild out on my boo and it's on and crackin'! I'm layin' niggas out. Damn, this kevlar ridin' up on me, I wish they made this more sheer. -...So you heard from Keith? He still fuckin' with that 'lil light-skinned girl? I ain't tryin' to break a sweat for that sorry ass nigga. -I ain't tryin' to break a sweat for that sorry ass nigga. He a dog babydoll. He a great dane. I tried to tell y'after ya'll first date. He hit that ass one time, his interest in a bitch start t'landslide. -He a dog babydoll. He a great dane. I tried to tell y'after ya'll first date. He hit that ass one time, his interest in a bitch start t'landslide. You know I burned all his shit. All that vinyl. Chalamar, Funkadelic, I burned his turntables too. They was like three-thousand brand new. -You know I burned all his shit. All that vinyl. Chalamar, Funkadelic, I burned his turntables too. They was like three-thousand brand new. Fuck that nigga. Let him go woof on some other scrub. We got one another, s'all the love we're ever goin' need. -Girl, lemme ask you somethin' and I want you t'tell me straight up, since I got my suspicions and y'know I ain't one t'talk circles... you gay? What!? -What!? Ain't nuthin' wrong wit' it. -Ain't nuthin' wrong wit' it. Damn! Why you trippin' like that? -Damn! Why you trippin' like that? -- I don't know, I feel like you always pushin' up on me, gettin' close and I love you baby, in every way you can love a bitch, 'cept that one. --- I don't know, I feel like you always pushin' up on me, gettin' close and I love you baby, in every way you can love a bitch, 'cept that one. I ain't even goin' dignify that. You my road dog. We threw up sets. Plus you stank. -I ain't even goin' dignify that. You my road dog. We threw up sets. Plus you stank. Fuck you. -What'd you say? "Not you. Some assholes on the elevator... are these bitches on a permanent smoke break or what? Why the fuck they call'm ""working girls.""" -Are you anywhere near the penthouse? No, but that definitely sounds like shots and I don't where it's comin' from -- -No, but that definitely sounds like shots and I don't where it's comin' from -- -- It's your IFB, somebody else has got an earpiece, you're picking up their signal -- --- It's your IFB, somebody else has got an earpiece, you're picking up their signal -- -- I thought we had secure frequency. Aww girl, tell me this mafucka ain't goin' off right now. -What's wrong? Security's locking down the elevators. -I'm not givin' it up jus' yet... C'mon, I say we bounce now, kick it for a lil' bit, play some craps. ...Maybe spend the night? -...Shhhhhhit... girl, there's these two dudes, just sittin' here in this elevator, all shot up... What? -What? They musta been beefin' big time with one another, cuz this shit, got way past words, whatever it was. -They musta been beefin' big time with one another, cuz this shit, got way past words, whatever it was. ...What are they doin' right now...? -Girl one of these fools has an FBI badge on him! Is this the one that was doing the inspection? Hold up, hold up, I'm getting shots over the scanners, tons of traffic -- jus' chill for a sec, lemme listen... -I DON'T KNOW! Jus' keep doin' y'damage girl, keep these mafuckas off my as-- -Bulllllshit... "Naw baby, they heard about that Triad hit, the work ya'll put in and they recognize the skills. And this ain't no tryout, tap-dance ""show us your shit"" thing neither -- if ya'll want this then I'mma go git it for 'ya." -And so I get this straight, we gotta go in, bust on this punk and remove the heart? Is that for real? No, no, no, y'gotta go in and get him, pull'm out of wherever he at, forget all that other shit, that's just f'flavor. I'm still getting lil' bits'a this-n-that from this cat Padiche, the man contacting me... Right now, what we got -- -- Is a number and a name... Buddy Israel. -No, no, no, y'gotta go in and get him, pull'm out of wherever he at, forget all that other shit, that's just f'flavor. I'm still getting lil' bits'a this-n-that from this cat Padiche, the man contacting me... Right now, what we got -- -- Is a number and a name... Buddy Israel. What else did Padiche say? -What else did Padiche say? He said that the shit could get hot, could get heavy... I said good. 'Cuz I got two of the hottest, heaviest bitches alive. -Forty-five apiece for you two, ten percent finders fee for me. What's the time frame? -What's the time frame? Right mafuck'n now girl. Fast as we can get you there. We wait any longer, someone goin' dead this fool. -Gibarian. Leave the light off. -You think you're dreaming me, like you dream her. Understand something: I am the real Gibarian. Just a new incarnation. What do you want? -What do you want? You're being tricked. Sartorius picked a fight with you to avoid telling you about his idea for getting rid of the visitors. He's figured out they're made of subatomic particles called neutrinos, and he's going to create a negative neutrino field. Twenty four hours a day, until they're back on Earth. -You're being tricked. Sartorius picked a fight with you to avoid telling you about his idea for getting rid of the visitors. He's figured out they're made of subatomic particles called neutrinos, and he's going to create a negative neutrino field. Twenty four hours a day, until they're back on Earth. Can it work? -Can it work? It can. Ordinary matter, like ours? Not affected. Everything else, disintegrates. -What I'm saying is: Don't trust anyone. Find yourself a weapon of some sort. I can trust Rheya. -I can trust Rheya. You'll end up like me. -You'll end up like me. You're not Gibarian... -You're not Gibarian... No? Who am I, then? -No? Who am I, then? A puppet. -A puppet. And you're not? Maybe you're my puppet. But like all puppets, you think you're actually human. It's The Puppet's Dream. Wondering if they're human! -You have to give me your word you won't come in. Then I'll come out. All right. -What happened to Gibarian? Didn't you talk to Snow? -Didn't you talk to Snow? I want to hear your version. -I want to hear your version. Who, here, could possibly care what you want? At best, you're Employee of the Month for the highest bidder in the Solaris auction. They have no idea what's going on up here. They've never even been in space. And I'm supposed to listen to you? -Who, here, could possibly care what you want? At best, you're Employee of the Month for the highest bidder in the Solaris auction. They have no idea what's going on up here. They've never even been in space. And I'm supposed to listen to you? I am here to recover this mission, report my findings, and make a recommendation. Now: What happened to him? -I am here to recover this mission, report my findings, and make a recommendation. Now: What happened to him? The same thing that could happen to any of us. -The same thing that could happen to any of us. Where's his body? -Where's his body? In the lab. With her, probably. -In the lab. With her, probably. Her? Who are you talking about? -They shouldn't let people like you into space. Just so you know: I'm not going back until I understand what it is. I am going to figure out what it is, make it stop, and then I will go home. -Just so you know: I'm not going back until I understand what it is. I am going to figure out what it is, make it stop, and then I will go home. Listen -- -Listen -- We're done. Oh, I should tell you, I don't trust Snow. There's something wrong with him. -No. There's no behavior modification. She reappeared exactly as she had before? -Meaning Man can do whatever the fuck it wants? Yes. -Yes. That's fantastic. -That's fantastic. Why did you agree to come here? -You killed her! Not her. It. -You murdered her! Kelvin, she begged me. I had a short- range version of the destabilizer prototype, a miniature with a range of a few meters. She walked into it and disappeared. She was gone. -She'll come back. No, she won't. -No, she won't. Why would you let her to do that? -Why would you let her to do that? It's not human, Kelvin. Whatever it is, it's not human, and I am threatened by that. Evolution-of- the-species-at-stake threatened. And I want to win. I want humans to win. So I am killing it before it kills me. -It's not human, Kelvin. Whatever it is, it's not human, and I am threatened by that. Evolution-of- the-species-at-stake threatened. And I want to win. I want humans to win. So I am killing it before it kills me. You fucking bastard... -You fucking bastard... Whose side are you on? -It's changing characteristics. It's solidifying taking on weight. How quickly? -How quickly? If it continues, it will implode from its own weight and turn into a black hole in about four hours and pulls us in with it. -Where's Snow? Did you call him? Yes. -What's wrong? What happened to Gibarian? He's dead. -He's dead. How? -You didn't bring any chocolate, did you? What? -What? I love chocolate. I realized just yesterday how much I love it. I thought maybe, if they let you bring personal effects, you might have snuck some through, because... well, I've been thinking about it. -I can't talk just now. I'm too tired. Where's Sartorius? -Where's Sartorius? In his lab. He won't let you in. -In his lab. He won't let you in. He'll let me in. -He'll let me in. Kelvin, if you see anything unusual... -Is there anybody else here? Why, who did you see? -Why, who did you see? Gibarian warned me. He left me a message. -Gibarian warned me. He left me a message. Who was it? -Who was it? She was real. Where did she come from? -Tell me. I won't think you're insane. Oh, that's a relief. -How much sleep do you need? How much sleep? -How much sleep? How long can you go without sleep? -How long can you go without sleep? That depends. -That depends. Well, when you do go to sleep: barricade your door. -Was her breakfast conversation that bad? Shut up. -Shut up. I told you, try to stay calm. You're supposed to be the psychologist of the bunch. -I told you, try to stay calm. You're supposed to be the psychologist of the bunch. What was it? -Personally, I think it's God. At least, it fits my definition. And professionally? -And professionally? I'm not sure. It started with Gibarian. He locked himself in his room and refused to talk except through a crack in the door. He covered the video lens. Obviously we thought he was having a nervous breakdown. I don't know why he didn't tell us he had somebody in there. By this time, we were getting visitors, too. He was desperately trying to figure it out. Day and night. Who was she? -I'm not sure. It started with Gibarian. He locked himself in his room and refused to talk except through a crack in the door. He covered the video lens. Obviously we thought he was having a nervous breakdown. I don't know why he didn't tell us he had somebody in there. By this time, we were getting visitors, too. He was desperately trying to figure it out. Day and night. Who was she? My wife. -My wife. Dead? -She has materialized from your memory of her. What was her name? Rheya. -Rheya. It started about three months ago. Right after the government sold the expedition. We were ready to go home. -It started about three months ago. Right after the government sold the expedition. We were ready to go home. Will she come back? -Will she come back? Probably. -Probably. I wish you'd told me. -I wish you'd told me. Told you what? -What will you say? To who? -To who? What are you going to report back to Earth? -What are you going to report back to Earth? I don't know. -I don't know. An enormous amount of money changed hands to get control of this project. We are in little danger of being left alone for long. You'll need to do something. Otherwise they'll be sending someone out to recover you. -An enormous amount of money changed hands to get control of this project. We are in little danger of being left alone for long. You'll need to do something. Otherwise they'll be sending someone out to recover you. Gibarian said he thinks Solaris should be destroyed. -Gibarian said he thinks Solaris should be destroyed. That's ludicrous. This is contact. We have found God. The only issue is figuring out how to prove this in a way that will make sense back on Earth. So how will we describe it, if we choose to describe it at all? -Kelvin, you awake? What is it? -What is it? Can you meet me and Sartorius on B deck in an hour? -Can you meet me and Sartorius on B deck in an hour? Why? -Why? Just a little strategy session. But in person this time. -Is it being deliberately cruel, you mean? I don't think so. I'm just trying to find an explanation for the continual reappearances. -I'm just trying to find an explanation for the continual reappearances. When you cut yourself pounding the door, did it hurt? -You're unnerved because you've spent your whole life thinking nobody is looking over you, and suddenly your subconscious is an open book. We are, for the first time, experiencing changes in natural reality by a force not our own. That proves that -- -- we are not sure of that. We are not sure we aren't all hallucinating. --- we are not sure of that. We are not sure we aren't all hallucinating. If God is beyond our comprehension, and she -- -- is here for reasons that can't be understood, isn't God here? -If God is beyond our comprehension, and she -- -- is here for reasons that can't be understood, isn't God here? Not necessarily. -Not necessarily. Stop equivocating! Unbelievable, how you equivocate! You, the atheist, you're more dogmatic than any holy person I've ever seen! This is happening, Kelvin. Wake up. -Stop equivocating! Unbelievable, how you equivocate! You, the atheist, you're more dogmatic than any holy person I've ever seen! This is happening, Kelvin. Wake up. Consciousness is enough, that's all I've saying. Consciousness should be enough for anybody. -Consciousness is enough, that's all I've saying. Consciousness should be enough for anybody. Who are you trying to convince? -We can liquidate the station. Take the Athena back. No. -No. Of course, when we return, we'll be regarded as lunatics if we tell the truth. We'll chalk it up to isolation, collective derangement. -Of course, when we return, we'll be regarded as lunatics if we tell the truth. We'll chalk it up to isolation, collective derangement. I've never heard you express any desire to leave before now. Why now? -I've never heard you express any desire to leave before now. Why now? Well, I think we're reaching the point of diminishing returns here, right? Certainly it's learning more about us than we'll ever learn about it. -Well, I think we're reaching the point of diminishing returns here, right? Certainly it's learning more about us than we'll ever learn about it. But why is it doing what it's doing? Given it's resources, it could have done anything. Presented me with your double, and you with mine. -But why is it doing what it's doing? Given it's resources, it could have done anything. Presented me with your double, and you with mine. Perhaps it did. -Perhaps it did. Human beings can die. -Human beings can die. But they are human. They certainly become human with incredible speed. First they're like they were in our memory, but then they fill in on their own. DNA doesn't determine the hundreds of trillions of connections that occur in the brain, it's not dense enough. They build up with experience. -They come when you sleep. That's right. And we all have to sleep, eventually. -What happened? She drank liquid oxygen. -Why do you think she hasn't suggested that? It's the most obvious solution: Escape. She knows she can't leave here -- Get out -- -Get out -- Oh, this one you love? What about the first one, the one you fucked and then put into a rocket and blasted into space? You didn't love her? -She knows everything. She knows who she is. She knows everything? Does she know she came once before and you put her in -- -She knows everything? Does she know she came once before and you put her in -- No. -What do you want? I want you to get Sartorius to abandon his plan. -I want you to get Sartorius to abandon his plan. What plan? -What plan? Just get him to stop. -Just get him to stop. What do you want to do, leave the station with her? -What do you want to do, leave the station with her? Yes. -Yes. Kelvin, she'll disintegrate. You don't believe me? Let's radio that shuttle pod you launched -- better yet, let's go get it. I've charted it's trajectory, only take a few hours... -Kelvin, she'll disintegrate. You don't believe me? Let's radio that shuttle pod you launched -- better yet, let's go get it. I've charted it's trajectory, only take a few hours... Her oxygen would have run out. -Her oxygen would have run out. Maybe she doesn't need any. Should we check? -Who are you trying to please? Yourself? Her? Which her, this one or that one. Can you face both? We are in a situation that is beyond morality. So: Leave with her. You'll see the transformation. Into what? -Into what? You'll see her die, that's all. They're mortal, despite what she told you. She will die. Then what will you do? -You'll see her die, that's all. They're mortal, despite what she told you. She will die. Then what will you do? I love her. -I love her. You do, you don't. She's willing to give her life, you're willing to give yours, it's touching and magnificent, anything you want but -- this isn't the place for it. Don't you see? No, you don't. -What's wrong with you? We need your help. I won't be making the trip. -When did this happen? Oh, right away. That's why you never saw me with anyone. You should've noticed that. I miss him, though. I think I made a mistake. -Oh, right away. That's why you never saw me with anyone. You should've noticed that. I miss him, though. I think I made a mistake. Jesus... -Jesus... But I can't leave with you. I won't make it. -But I can't leave with you. I won't make it. Maybe you can. -Oh, God. I'm awake. Yes. -I need to see Snow. I'll go with you. -I'll go with you. I'll just be a minute. -Don't. Why? -Why? I don't know. I can't be alone. -I don't know. I can't be alone. I'll be right back. -What are they? To calm your anxiety. -To calm your anxiety. To calm my anxiety. -We're taking a flight? Yes. -Rheya... I want you inside me right now. -"""And Death Shall Have No Dominion""." Book? -Book? Poem. Dylan Thomas. I thought of it when I saw you on the train. -Poem. Dylan Thomas. I thought of it when I saw you on the train. My Thomas is a little rusty. -Not a very happy poem. You didn't look very happy. -You didn't look very happy. I wasn't. -I wasn't. And tonight? -And tonight? Better. -You want to fuck her? Stop it. -Stop it. You behave as though you want to fuck her. -You behave as though you want to fuck her. Rheya. Not here. -Rheya. Not here. And I just want to know if I'm crazy or not -- if what I think is happening is actually happening. Or am I one of those people, those women, who are blind to what's going on? Who pretend not to see their husband's attention toward another woman? -And I just want to know if I'm crazy or not -- if what I think is happening is actually happening. Or am I one of those people, those women, who are blind to what's going on? Who pretend not to see their husband's attention toward another woman? Let's go home. -Let's go home. You go home. -You go home. I am. Please come with me. I don't want to do this here. -I am. Please come with me. I don't want to do this here. You talk like an actor. -You're better when you take them. I know, I know. But still, somehow I don't feel better. -I know, I know. But still, somehow I don't feel better. All right. How about I feel better when you take them? -What do you remember? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Do you remember Beethoven? The Beatles? Movies, books, restaurants, friends? -Do you remember Beethoven? The Beatles? Movies, books, restaurants, friends? Yes. But not until you mentioned them. As soon as you said those things, I remembered them. And they have associations that make me think of other things I remember. It's like filling up. -Is it a planet? Not exactly. It exists in a continuum that wasn't proven until ten years ago, a higher mathematical dimension superimposed on top of the Universe. An infinite number of them, in fact. It was a violation of all of our various laws regarding the Universe, Space, or Space-Time. It was completely counter-intuitive. We had to unlearn everything. -Not exactly. It exists in a continuum that wasn't proven until ten years ago, a higher mathematical dimension superimposed on top of the Universe. An infinite number of them, in fact. It was a violation of all of our various laws regarding the Universe, Space, or Space-Time. It was completely counter-intuitive. We had to unlearn everything. Is it intelligent? -Is it intelligent? Intelligent beyond our comprehension. -Intelligent beyond our comprehension. Then it's God, right? -Then it's God, right? It's something. -It's something. You still don't believe in God? -You still don't believe in God? The whole idea of God was dreamed up by a silly animal with a small brain called Man. Even the limits we put on it are human limits. It can do this, it can do that! It designs, it creates! -The whole idea of God was dreamed up by a silly animal with a small brain called Man. Even the limits we put on it are human limits. It can do this, it can do that! It designs, it creates! Even a God that wasn't active, that just created something and stood back and watched? -Even a God that wasn't active, that just created something and stood back and watched? You're talking about a man in a white beard again. You're ascribing human characteristics to something that isn't human. Human beings look for causes and patterns. How could we know what Solaris is up to, if anything? -But what if Solaris is what there was before The Big Bang? As I said, it is beyond our comprehension. -As I said, it is beyond our comprehension. As I said, then it's God, right? -What happened? You were trying to break down the door. Do you know why? -You were trying to break down the door. Do you know why? When I saw you were gone I got scared. -Where've you been? I been thinking about how much I hate you. -I would have these -- I don't know how to describe them -- visions, when I was younger. Maybe not visions, but like these waking dream states. Time would just collapse, I would be inside time. I would stare at a second hand on a clock until it stopped. Freaky stuff. How old were you? -How old were you? Seven, eight. So one day my mother catches me sort of staring off into space, and she asks me what I'm doing, and I start trying to explain to her, about this state that I can put myself in, and this look comes over her face. -Seven, eight. So one day my mother catches me sort of staring off into space, and she asks me what I'm doing, and I start trying to explain to her, about this state that I can put myself in, and this look comes over her face. What kind of look? -Scared. No, not scared. Wary. Like I was something to be... her guard went up. I was a threat. Now I know why. She was afraid she'd be seen. That I would see her for the self-obsessed neurotic that she was. I think she thought she had a few more years of being on a pedestal. But that's the cycle, right? I knew a little more than she did, she knew a little more than her mother, and on and on. I guess that's part of the reason why -- I know. I know. We don't have to talk about that. -Thinking what you were doing and saying, just being consumed by thinking of you. I loved it so much, that feeling. I did too. -What happened to us, exactly? You don't know? -Why did you say those things? I don't know. I couldn't understand why you didn't tell me. -I can't help feeling that I'm cheating when I take them. It's genetics. You know this. You know where it comes from. There is nothing wrong with uncrossing a few crossed wires. -Do you have any idea how much I like fucking you? I think so. -I think so. Good. Because I want you to know. I really like fucking you. -I like that too. How could she not be real? I can smell her, taste her. She does exactly what she did... it's not possible. -How could she not be real? I can smell her, taste her. She does exactly what she did... it's not possible. You know, I've decided: I'm just gonna believe what you believe about this whole Solaris thing, it'll make life so much easier; the little wife agreeing with her big, strong husband. You must get such a headache thinking about those Great Big Problems all day. -"You sure say ""God"" a lot when we're doing it." I know. I'm putting that in my next report. -What does Snow think you should do? Snow thinks we shouldn't leave until we figure out a way to document it, to prove its existence to the planet Earth. This is hilarious: He thinks it's God, but he wants it to sit still for a photograph so he can show the folks back home. -Sartorius wants to destroy it. Well. He doesn't think it's God, but for different reasons than me. He's thinking: If I can figure out how to make it stop, than I am smarter than it is, and therefore it cannot be God. -Well. He doesn't think it's God, but for different reasons than me. He's thinking: If I can figure out how to make it stop, than I am smarter than it is, and therefore it cannot be God. He has a point. -He has a point. He does have a point. That's just not the way I'd like to see it proven. -He does have a point. That's just not the way I'd like to see it proven. You feel sorry for Solaris, or for me? -You feel sorry for Solaris, or for me? It's a violent response to something we haven't figured out. Don't let the cowardly demeanor fool you: He is ruthless. Unblinking in his prejudice. -It's a violent response to something we haven't figured out. Don't let the cowardly demeanor fool you: He is ruthless. Unblinking in his prejudice. It was obvious from the way he first looked at me. -Do I really feel like... I am...? Yes. Yes. -Yes. Yes. I'm glad. -What's wrong. You don't love me. -You don't love me. Stop. -What are you talking about? That I am not Rheya. That Rheya died. Killed herself. I'm different. -Who have you been talking to? Sartorius. -Sartorius. When? When I'm asleep? -I'm sure there are worse people to talk to, but I don't know who they are. I'm just trying to understand what's going on. -But we fought. Yes. Especially toward the end. -Yes. Especially toward the end. Why did she do it? -Why did she do it? You... she said I didn't love her. -You... she said I didn't love her. Was she right? -Was she right? No. I love you. -No. I love you. I love you, too. -Can you sleep? I don't think do. It's not sleep; it's something else. It's all around me. -I don't think do. It's not sleep; it's something else. It's all around me. Those are dreams. -You're the coward. Don't debate him; he'll say anything. -Don't debate him; he'll say anything. I'm just as human as you. I see, I hear, I touch, and I feel just like you do. -You don't want me. Rheya. -Rheya. That's what you were saying. I heard what you were saying. -That's what you were saying. I heard what you were saying. For a reason that neither of us understand, you are forced to stay near me. That's all I know right now. -I have these strange thoughts, I don't know where they come from. I can't explain it. Neither can I. Not any of it. There's no reference point for what's going on; it's never happened before. It's a clean break in the fabric of the Universe; a gap. There is nothing to do but experience it, moment-to- moment, and not let it destroy us. -Neither can I. Not any of it. There's no reference point for what's going on; it's never happened before. It's a clean break in the fabric of the Universe; a gap. There is nothing to do but experience it, moment-to- moment, and not let it destroy us. But that's what happened before. -But that's what happened before. Not this time. -Do you want to stay here? Do you? -Do you? If you're here. -What's wrong? Gibarian. He was here. -Gibarian. He was here. You said he was dead. -You said he was dead. He is. But he was here... -What's happening to us? It's all right. -It's all right. Please don't lie. I told you before, I don't know how I came to be here. Whatever you think you can't say to me, I need to hear you say it. -Please don't lie. I told you before, I don't know how I came to be here. Whatever you think you can't say to me, I need to hear you say it. I love you. -I love you. Don't. I'm the one at risk here. If we're playing out what happened before, I won't survive. -That won't happen again. We're different. "How can I tell? You've seen both of me. I only know what you're like here. You're all I know. There is no ""You"" from before." -How could it be so cruel? How could it torture us like this? I don't think it knows it's torturing us. It's just watching. -I'm not Rheya. You've always known that. Rheya -- -Rheya -- Don't call me that. -Listen: I don't care about anything but the fact that you are here. You are her, you are Rheya. I'm disgusting. -I'm disgusting. No. -No. You're lying. I'm not human. -You're lying. I'm not human. Rheya, I am not going back. I'm staying here with you. -Rheya, I am not going back. I'm staying here with you. Then you'll die. -Then you'll die. I want every second I can get with you. -Don't do this. I am literally begging you not to do this. Chris. You should have told me. -You should have told me. It wouldn't have made any difference. -It wouldn't have made any difference. Thank you. -Thank you. Chris, I had to. I had to. I didn't think you'd react like this. -Chris, I had to. I had to. I didn't think you'd react like this. Neither did I. -Neither did I. You never said you wanted one. -You never said you wanted one. I never said I didn't. -I never said I didn't. Chris -- -Chris -- I can't stay here. -I can't stay here. Chris, please. Chris, I'm serious. I won't make it. -Chris, please. Chris, I'm serious. I won't make it. Then you won't make it. -What do I have to do to stop it? I want you here. -I want you here. You're lying. -You're lying. You exist here. I keep telling you. -You exist here. I keep telling you. That's impossible. I'm not Rheya. -That's impossible. I'm not Rheya. Who are you, then? -Who are you, then? I... I am Rheya. But I am not the woman you loved ten years ago. -I... I am Rheya. But I am not the woman you loved ten years ago. Yes, you are -- -Yes, you are -- Did you hear what Gibarian said? I'm not a human being. I'm an instrument. I came from your memory and your imagination and I will torture you no matter what. Even if I remain passive. That's when I drank the... I was going mad. It felt like there was no body underneath my skin. There was something else. An illusion. But I could feel my heart beating, and I remembered you tested my blood. Is it like yours? -Did you hear what Gibarian said? I'm not a human being. I'm an instrument. I came from your memory and your imagination and I will torture you no matter what. Even if I remain passive. That's when I drank the... I was going mad. It felt like there was no body underneath my skin. There was something else. An illusion. But I could feel my heart beating, and I remembered you tested my blood. Is it like yours? Yes. I told you. It was exactly like mine. -Yes. I told you. It was exactly like mine. But then I would be dead now. -Is that really what you want? I want to stop taking those pills. -I want to stop taking those pills. I wish you wouldn't. -I wish you wouldn't. They do something to me. It's hard to think straight. -They do something to me. It's hard to think straight. I think they help. -I think they help. I have consciousness, but I am not mortal. Don't you see why I'm going crazy? -I have consciousness, but I am not mortal. Don't you see why I'm going crazy? You have to remember that I love you, that's all that matters -- -You have to remember that I love you, that's all that matters -- I can't -- -I can't -- It put you here. I'll admit it, it acted like a God and put you here, put you into my consciousness. I was asleep, and it put you into my dream. I saw your mouth. And there you were. Whether you've been sent here to make me happy or punish me, it doesn't matter. The decision we make now is all that matters. Stay with me. -It put you here. I'll admit it, it acted like a God and put you here, put you into my consciousness. I was asleep, and it put you into my dream. I saw your mouth. And there you were. Whether you've been sent here to make me happy or punish me, it doesn't matter. The decision we make now is all that matters. Stay with me. Am I really her? -Am I really her? I don't know anymore. All I see is you. -What are you taking? A sleeping pill. Do you want yours? -What does it want? I don't know. Something. Anything. -"I've decided that if it is God, it's a sick God. Its ambitions exceed its powers, but it doesn't realize it. It's created a situation without a goal, and I hate that. A God whose passion is not a redemption, who saves nothing, fulfills no purpose. And us? We would have to have ""an arrangement"". An unspoken understanding that I am not human. How can I not hate something that does that?" Please. Don't. -Where did you go before? When? -When? Last night. You were talking to someone in the corridor. -Last night. You were talking to someone in the corridor. You must have been dreaming. -How can you be here... Shhhh. Just stay with me. Stay with me. Everything is forgiven. Everything. -He won't do it. Why do you say that? -Why do you say that? He won't. -We thought you'd be alone. We want to talk about... We want to talk freely. -They are not autonomous individuals and they're not actual persons. They are projections materializing from our minds, based on a given individual. It's an experiment. -A recoil, with no compensating mechanism. And when a given situation no longer corresponds to the normal faculties of the... original, the visitor suffers some sort of disconnected consciousness. -And when a given situation no longer corresponds to the normal faculties of the... original, the visitor suffers some sort of disconnected consciousness. Followed by non-human manifestations. -Followed by non-human manifestations. Are the actions of Solaris premeditated? -Gibarian was under enormous -- Gibarian was helpless. It's very simple: Man created the science that resulted in the discovery of Solaris, and the ship that brought us here. -Snow, get up here, now. I'm not Snow. -I got rid of him. I wanted to see if... I wanted to be the only one. I wanted to be Snow. Fuck me. I knew it. -You want it coming back with us? You go ahead. Of what I remember about Earth... it's all one thing now. Everything's a blur. I like distinctions. -Claire! Hello, Win. -Skiddy and Kit? I haven't seen them since that shitty pasta dinner on the cape. They've got two monsters now. Both boys. -They've got two monsters now. Both boys. And so what's with Steinhart? Is it serious? -And so what's with Steinhart? Is it serious? You didn't like him? -You didn't like him? Looks a little constipated to me. -Looks a little constipated to me. "It's called ""solid""... Nice to find someone you can count on, Win." -It's terrific Win. You still writing the occasional magazine article? -You still writing the occasional magazine article? Occasionally. -Occasionally. Then c'mon. Follow me. The art's in the basement, you're going to get a privileged peek. -I've never seen anyone killed before. It's okay... I've never been a detective before either... -Straight ahead. Hard to find doors in this place. -Hi. I'm sorry. I'm not sure how this works. I have to go out... is that all right? -I'm sorry. I'm not sure how this works. I have to go out... is that all right? Uh... -Uh... I have to pick something up before Bergdorf's closes, then stop at a reception just a few blocks away. -I have to pick something up before Bergdorf's closes, then stop at a reception just a few blocks away. I think, maybe, that isn't such a great idea... -I think, maybe, that isn't such a great idea... Lieutenant Garber said that in all likelihood there was no real danger, is that true? -Lieutenant Garber said that in all likelihood there was no real danger, is that true? Right. That's true. -Right. That's true. Can we go then? -Can we go then? I'm supposed to call in. -I'm supposed to call in. There's a phone in the car. -Do you have another tie? Something more conservative? Oh... Yes... I don't have it with me. It's at home. -What did he say? He thinks you're being a little careless. He made the point several times. -You live in Manhattan? Queens... You know Queens? -Queens... You know Queens? My father founded a music school there. The Milton Gregory School. -I'm supposed to speak at their tenth anniversary. Nice. Maybe you'll stop by... have an aperitif... -Are you nervous? No, Ma'am. -Would you pick one out, please? Beg pardon? -Beg pardon? Since you're going to be my escort, you'll need a new tie. -Put it on my account, please. I got money. -You can touch me, I won't bite. Not too sure about that. -People think I'm stepping out on Neil. We're causing quite a scandal. Hey! There are crazy people here. -Hey! There are crazy people here. Let's get a drink. -Let's get a drink. Ah... I shouldn't... on duty. -I'll have a spritzer, order something soft for yourself... I must go for a pee. I'll come with you. -I'll come with you. I think I can probably do that on my own. -Hi. Just checking to see if you're here. I came on at 8:00. -You all right? Yeah. -Yeah. I'm sorry about what happened. -I'm sorry about what happened. Listen, that was my fault. -Listen, that was my fault. "I shouldn't have listened to you, I should've followed you right into the ""can"" the way he did." -"I shouldn't have listened to you, I should've followed you right into the ""can"" the way he did." If I had known I was going to have company, he was right next to me. I think he heard me peeing! I hate that, I am glad he's in jail. -I guess I'm supposed to do it in the morning. Identify him. Sooner, the better. -Sooner, the better. He said he'd kill me. -He said he'd kill me. Big talk... Desperate guy. -Big talk... Desperate guy. Right. How could he do that if he's in jail and they've thrown away the key...? -Claire? Hmm... -Hmm... You wouldn't happen to know what language they speak in India, do you? -You wouldn't happen to know what language they speak in India, do you? Urdu and Hindi. -Urdu and Hindi. Yeah, what a woman. -Didn't do very well, did you? Nope... never finished one yet. I hate these things. -Nope... never finished one yet. I hate these things. You were reading my Renoir. -You were reading my Renoir. How did you know? -How did you know? You put it back in the wrong place... Do you like Renoir? -You put it back in the wrong place... Do you like Renoir? They're kind of fuzzy. -They're kind of fuzzy. You know why they're like that...? He was myopic... going blind. -You know why they're like that...? He was myopic... going blind. No kidding. -So, this could be your last night, huh? Could be, I guess. -Could be, I guess. Want to go out for a drink? I mean, we're both sitting here, and Joey Venza's in jail... -Want to go out for a drink? I mean, we're both sitting here, and Joey Venza's in jail... Yeah, I like that! Where you go, I follow. -You mean to tell me, a mugger would stay away from someone because they walked a certain way? Absolutely. Look at this. -That's the dumbest walk I ever saw! No, no seriously! There's a study done on this, you walk this way, the muggers are gonna single you out. -No, no seriously! There's a study done on this, you walk this way, the muggers are gonna single you out. And die laughing, because you're walking so stupid! -And die laughing, because you're walking so stupid! Hey. This is my business. Do I tell you your business. -Hey. This is my business. Do I tell you your business. Okay. Let's just see if a mugger gets me. -... It was like... the minute I saw her... I knew. She looked so damn adorable in a cop's uniform... puttin' on a big, tough act... "So it was ""love""." -"So it was ""love""." Yeah. It was. -Yeah. It was. "And ""is""...?" -Yeah. That's nice. And you live in Queens? With a child, and a dog...? -That's nice. And you live in Queens? With a child, and a dog...? No dog. -No dog. I saw you with a dog, in my mind. -I saw you with a dog, in my mind. No dog. -No dog. "But ""nice""." -"But ""nice""." Very nice. -What about Neil? You don't like him, do you? -You don't like him, do you? What's to like? -What's to like? Tell it like it is. -Tell it like it is. You asked. -You asked. He's very caring, in his way. You haven't seen him at his best. -He's very caring, in his way. You haven't seen him at his best. You could do better. -You could do better. I'll miss you, Mike... -"It was nice having you ""watch over me""..." Yeah. I liked being around you too... Claire. -Good night, Mike. Sleep good. -Claire? What do you want? -What do you want? Open the door, will you? -Open the door, will you? I can't open it. -I can't open it. It's just me. I want to talk to you. Let me in... -You put me life in danger. No, you'll be safe. We're gonna pick him up again... -No, you'll be safe. We're gonna pick him up again... And then what? I'll never be safe. I'll have to leave the country! You can't protect me, and you can't keep him in jail! And you knew that all the goddamn time! -You told me I'm safe? I'm going for a walk in the park. Claire, will you calm down? -Claire, will you calm down? I'm perfectly calm, I'm a normal human being. I'm going for a walk in the park. -I'm perfectly calm, I'm a normal human being. I'm going for a walk in the park. Claire...! -Stop, will you?! Let go! -Let go! Stop being nuts! -Stop being nuts! I trusted you! I thought you cared about me?! -I trusted you! I thought you cared about me?! I do care about you! -I do care about you! More bullshit! More bullshit! What kind of odds are they giving me? There must be some kind of office pool. One month? A couple of days? -Yeah. They called here after you left... -They called here after you left... She's okay. Everything's okay... -I don't know you... This is me, Mike. There's nothing else... -This is me, Mike. There's nothing else... You don't wash your clothes at the Boulevard Laundromat... you don't pick up your kids from some crummy public school... what is this? A fuckin' joke? -You don't wash your clothes at the Boulevard Laundromat... you don't pick up your kids from some crummy public school... what is this? A fuckin' joke? Okay, then let's make it easy. It was a mistake. Don't make me feel guilty now that it's over, let's forget about it. -You told her? Not exactly. -Not exactly. What do you want to do? -What do you want to do? I don't know. -You don't want to know. Oh, I do want to know. I tried to reach you at the precinct. -Oh, I do want to know. I tried to reach you at the precinct. I've moved into Scotty's... Good news about T.J., though. Looks like that tough son of a gun is gonna pull through. -I've moved into Scotty's... Good news about T.J., though. Looks like that tough son of a gun is gonna pull through. Oh God, that's great! -Oh God, that's great! Are you okay? -Are you okay? "Oh, I'm fine. They've replaced you with quite an entourage. It's a regular ""marching band"". You should see me on the street, you'd think I was the First Lady --" -I'm taking them all out to Queens, as a matter of fact, right in your neighborhood. There's an event at my Father's school... an anniversary... I thought maybe you could come... Oh that thing in Queens. -Oh that thing in Queens. I'm going away after that, the next morning. -Where? Pretty far. I'm told not to say anything about it on the phone, in case it's tapped... they think it's best, safer, if I go away, at least till Venza's found. -When can I see you? I don't know. Garber's left orders here not to let you in the building. -Oh yeah. When is it? This thing in Queens. Tomorrow night. Can you come? -Tomorrow night. Can you come? I don't know. It wouldn't be very smart. -I don't know. It wouldn't be very smart. Listen, you're right. Don't do it. I'll just... send you an address, okay? -Claire... No really, it's okay, I've gotta go. I'm expecting some calls. I'll be fine, really. -No really, it's okay, I've gotta go. I'm expecting some calls. I'll be fine, really. I'll think about Wednesday. -What a memory. Do you dance? -Do you dance? Do you? -Do you? Pretty bad. -Pretty bad. Let's do it. -They guys treatin' you all right? Yeah. -Yeah. I've been doing a lot of thinking. -I've been doing a lot of thinking. I know. -It wouldn't work. I know. -I'd miss my life... ... Don't explain. -How long you going away for? Long enough. -Long enough. """For""...?" -"""For""...?" """To""... Forget about you." -I'll have to pack a lot of clothes. Yeah... -... Mike. It's Venza. He wants you. You, for Ellie and Tommy. -Claire! Mike...? -Everyone's all right...? Yeah. It's all over. -So. So. -You still going away? I don't know... -I don't know... You don't have to, now. -You don't have to, now. I think it's probably still a good idea. -I'll miss you, Mike. Listen, I'll... see you again. -I like your coat. You have a weakness for Lady Cops. -You have a weakness for Lady Cops. I do. -Say goodbye, Mike. You take care. -Hello, Claire. How extraordinary that you came. It was something my father always liked me to do. -It was something my father always liked me to do. You're planning to speak? -You're planning to speak? Not if you don't want me to. -Not if you don't want me to. Well, of course, we'd be... honored... -Well, of course, we'd be... honored... Just putting in an appearance then. -... just saying you should think twice about it... ... I don't want to talk about it... -... You know, and I know, that the only thing standing between a life sentence for Venza and his freedom is my testimony at his trial... Claire... -Claire... ... He killed Win... he enjoyed it... -... He killed Win... he enjoyed it... Win made his choices, Claire. We all do -- -Win made his choices, Claire. We all do -- And I'm making mine. -You're dealing with a psychopath. He gets out of jail in ten years, or five... or ninety days, and you'll be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life... "What am I supposed to do?! I saw one of my oldest friends get killed! And I saw who did it! I can't just -- ""let it go away""!!" -"What am I supposed to do?! I saw one of my oldest friends get killed! And I saw who did it! I can't just -- ""let it go away""!!" Claire... -Keep what handy? Nothing. -Nothing. The gun? It's in the upstairs closet. -We're not going to the game, are we Mom? Sure we are, let's go! -Mom, what's going to happen with you and Dad? I don't know Tommy. -Hey, can we go to McDonald's? Absolutely. -Tommy...! I'm all right. -Think I should put the skateboard in bed with him? Too kinky. -Ellie, you know I think it's about time we got outa this place, get us a house of our own. We can afford it now. Amen to that. The supermarket's full of assholes. -Amen to that. The supermarket's full of assholes. Take my advice, don't buy any... -Mike? What? -What? My ass if falling. -My ass if falling. Your what...? -Your what...? My ass is falling. It is. -My ass is falling. It is. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I just saw it in the mirror, it doesn't look like my ass anymore. -I just saw it in the mirror, it doesn't look like my ass anymore. Get in bed. -Get in bed. What am I gonna do? I jog, I do the exercises on TV in the morning... gravity... -What am I gonna do? I jog, I do the exercises on TV in the morning... gravity... You got a great ass! I love your ass -- now get that falling ass into bed before it hits the floor. -Tomorrow, I start looking for our house... You love me? You got no idea... -You got no idea... Imagine... I'm sleepin' with a DT. -So how'd it go? Not great. I've got a babysitting job for a material witness on a homicide. -For how long? 'Til they pick up the perp. Seniority gets day shift... You know what that means. -Don't start... The only reason is that the neighborhood's shi... ... crummy. I just don't like the idea of leaving you alone here at night. I can still use a gun. -I can still use a gun. Just keep it someplace safe, but handy. -Changing the sparks. They showed it on TV. What d'you think? I think television's a dangerous thing. -I think television's a dangerous thing. It's twenty bucks in the bank. -Hey. The neighbors. Let 'em eat their hearts out. -I read the article. You didn't tell me she was so beautiful. Well, actually, she looks better than that. -Okay? Unbelievably handsome. You look fantastic in a suit. -The real estate lady left, she couldn't wait anymore. What took you? Oh, some shit. -Oh, some shit. What shit, honey? -What shit, honey? You don't want to hear about it. -Honey. You got him. I don't know that Ellie. He might get out. Garber's not bein' straight with the witness, she could be in deep shit if she identifies him, and it's my job to convince her she won't be. -I don't know that Ellie. He might get out. Garber's not bein' straight with the witness, she could be in deep shit if she identifies him, and it's my job to convince her she won't be. She's got to identify him. -She's got to identify him. Why? -Why? Because the the only way to stop crime is to identify criminals. I can't believe you're talking this way Mister Detective -- I think she's got a lot of guts. -Because the the only way to stop crime is to identify criminals. I can't believe you're talking this way Mister Detective -- I think she's got a lot of guts. I think -- she's crazy. -I think -- she's crazy. I'd identify him. -I'd identify him. I might stop you. -Oh I can see you've had a bad day. We'll see the house another time, okay? No! No! I'm sorry. Ninety-seven five right? -No! No! I'm sorry. Ninety-seven five right? Where'd you get the tie? -Bought it. It's not your taste. -It's not your taste. What did she say the down payment was? -What did she say the down payment was? She didn't like the other one, so she picked this one. -She didn't like the other one, so she picked this one. She took you shopping for a tie? -She took you shopping for a tie? I had to follow her to a store. -I had to follow her to a store. What's wrong with your paisley tie? -What's wrong with your paisley tie? Ellie, it was a formal party... -Ellie, it was a formal party... Excuse me! You went to a party with her? -Excuse me! You went to a party with her? I'm her bodyguard, goddamnit... -I'm her bodyguard, goddamnit... I know you're her bodyguard. Did she buy it or did you? -I know you're her bodyguard. Did she buy it or did you? She bought it. -She bought it. Why? -Why? I don't know why she bought me a tie! -- She's a generous person -- and she's a nice person -- and I could be settin' her up to be killed... you want the fuckin' tie? -Coming to bed? Few minutes. Want to catch the news. -Few minutes. Want to catch the news. Should I wait up? We've got to get up early for the beach tomorrow. -Should I wait up? We've got to get up early for the beach tomorrow. I'll be right up. -What? Goddamn Venza assaulted a taxi driver in the Bronx, thirteen months ago. It's coming to court and the judge let him walk because of the pending case law. -Mike, take it easy... Take it easy! I set her up. I saw it coming. -Take it easy! I set her up. I saw it coming. It's not your fault. Mike, please get off the case. -It's not your fault. Mike, please get off the case. It is my fault! I'm responsible for her! -It is my fault! I'm responsible for her! Did you hear what I said? -Did you hear what I said? Did you hear what I said?!! -I'm sorry. I know I heard noises... the detective's wife... I want you and Tommy to stay with my mother. -C'mon, don't make an issue of it. Do you want the fucking meatloaf or not? "D'you have to say ""fucking"" every other word?" -"D'you have to say ""fucking"" every other word?" What was that? -What was that? You heard me. -You heard me. Jesus, Mike, somebody's been feeding you a line of crap. -Jesus, Mike, somebody's been feeding you a line of crap. What're you talking about -- -What're you talking about -- I'm talking about I've been talking this way for sixteen years and now, out of the blue, it's vulgar! -You gotta get another tour. We're gettin' too old for this. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. I'm not saying it's your fault. -What did you do tonight? I watched TV. -I watched TV. What did you watch? -What did you watch? I don't remember Michael, go to sleep. You don't have to make conversation with me. -Hey, we qualify for the Senior Citizens Early-Bird Special... Did you see Tommy today? He misses you... Well. This'll be over soon. Venza's such a nut job, we're bound to pick him up soon. -Well. This'll be over soon. Venza's such a nut job, we're bound to pick him up soon. I'd like you to switch to the day shift, Mike. To be home for dinner. Helen insists that T.J. be home for dinner... That's why he's on the morning shift. -I'd like you to switch to the day shift, Mike. To be home for dinner. Helen insists that T.J. be home for dinner... That's why he's on the morning shift. Well, T.J.'s... seniority... and all. I'll talk to Garber about it. -Well, T.J.'s... seniority... and all. I'll talk to Garber about it. I already did. I mean, I talked to his wife, and she talked to him... -I already did. I mean, I talked to his wife, and she talked to him... You talked to his wife? -My wife talks to his wife about what shift I'm gonna take? What's the difference? -Let me drive... Get away from me... get away! She means that much to you, you stay with her. But you come back, you come back for me. Not for Tommy, not for your mother, or your fucking job, but for me. -Get away from me... get away! She means that much to you, you stay with her. But you come back, you come back for me. Not for Tommy, not for your mother, or your fucking job, but for me. El? I'm sorry. I do love you. And you are a lady. I have so much respect... -I'm going to visit my sister for a few days. I'd like you to get your stuff out. What about Tommy? -What about Tommy? He'll live through it. They all live through it. What a world, huh? -Was it Venza? Did you get him? No. -Ellie... I'm all right. -He doesn't want to sleep here. Neither do I. It's not my house anymore. Me neither. -I don't know how you did it, but whatever it was, keep doing it. I just sat and listened. -I just sat and listened. Safe and secure is how we want her. Until she I.D.'s Venza. -Why not Patrol? They'd do just as good a job. When I want your advise, Keegan, I'll make an appointment. -What about when she goes out? Discourage it. But stay with her if you can't. Call it in first so we can have a car on tail. She's agreed to travel only with her own driver and limousine... okay, let's check it out. -But I got him! He's in jail! Wasn't that the point...?! You apprehended him after he gave himself up -- -You apprehended him after he gave himself up -- It wasn't a bad bust. He gave himself up because he knew I was gonna nab him. -It wasn't a bad bust. He gave himself up because he knew I was gonna nab him. Anyone who turns himself in makes a good case for bail. -Anyone who turns himself in makes a good case for bail. Even Joey Venza?! -Even Joey Venza?! "He's got a good lawyer, and he made a smart move. We've got a scared witness and a suspect who proved ""good will"" by turning himself in." -"He's got a good lawyer, and he made a smart move. We've got a scared witness and a suspect who proved ""good will"" by turning himself in." What about when she identifies him?! -What about when she identifies him?! If she identifies him. Where the fuck were you anyway, cowboy! Venza was meat. He walked right past you, and now we're the ones playing catch-up! You better hope she identifies him. -They're operating on him. He's still alive. I heard. -I heard a lot... Anything you want to deny, Mike? It should've been me... -What do you think? Any chance? There's nothin' else I'm any good at, but this. Call me next week. We'll talk about it. -At my house...! Call a cruiser! -Let's go. We're takin' her home! Move it! Get the cars! Koontz! I need you guys! -Koontz! I need you guys! We'll call SWAT. We'll get the locals. Throw it! -We'll call SWAT. We'll get the locals. Throw it! No, I need'm now! -No One-Seventeen, they'll fuck it up! He told me not to tell anybody, to bring Claire and come alone! He won't wait, he knows I'm two minutes away! Koontz, please! I can't do it, you know that... He's not gonna allow it anyway, Mike. No way is he gonna let anybody walk out of that house alive, who can finger him. -Hey Mike, out of the bag into the bureau, huh... How do you like it so far? Right behind you, T.J. -Who's Joey Venza? Bad fuckin' news. Even the families dropped him when they found they had a fruitcake on their hands. But he knows where a lot of bodies are buried. It'd cap it for Garber if he could bring him in. -Shit! A Nursemaid! My first detail, and I'm a fuckin' slug! I got a 'choice' at all. Do it, or look for another profession. That's a choice I guess. -Do it, or look for another profession. That's a choice I guess. You in this with me? -You in this with me? Yeah! Seniority gets the day shift. -Not Koontz. Be happy. He's good at this. -Wasn't your fault. It was my fault, T.J. Fuck! -Tell me I'm dreamin'. I just gotta talk to her, T.J. -Uh, yeah. I'm a policeman. Ever shot anyone? -Ever shot anyone? Yes. -Yes. Does it make you... hard? -Does it make you... hard? ... Hard? -... Hard? "Erect. You know, a ""boner?"" I'd heard that it gives you a boner, to shoot a man." -Are you in charge here? No, sir... -No, sir... I asked for the man in charge... -I asked for the man in charge... That would be Lieutenant Garber, and he's very busy upstairs... -That would be Lieutenant Garber, and he's very busy upstairs... "Don't tell me he's ""busy"". I asked for an ambulance for this woman and..." -"Don't tell me he's ""busy"". I asked for an ambulance for this woman and..." Is she injured? -You're not going to talk to anyone without a lawyer. She's not a suspect, sir, she's a witness. Could I ask you to step outside, please. -She's not a suspect, sir, she's a witness. Could I ask you to step outside, please. No, I will not step outside. -No, I will not step outside. Sir, I am just trying to do my job, it's standard procedure to question the witness alone. Help me out here, could you please leave. -Sir, I am just trying to do my job, it's standard procedure to question the witness alone. Help me out here, could you please leave. I don't really see what that has to do with... -You're here 'til what time? I'm relieved at 4:00 A.M. -You made a terrible mistake, Keegan. You didn't do what I said. That's right, you're gonna do what I say. Joey. I want to help you out of this. -That's right, you're gonna do what I say. Joey. I want to help you out of this. You should'a brought the girl. -You should'a brought the girl. I brought the girl. She's outside. -Hold it...! I'll prove it! -How do I know that's her? I'll bring her in. You let them go, and I'll bring her in. -I'll bring her in. You let them go, and I'll bring her in. Why should she come in? -Why should she come in? She trusts me. She'll do what I say. -She trusts me. She'll do what I say. Bullshit! Prove it. -Bullshit! Prove it. Koontz! Let her come in! Claire! It's pitch dark in here! You're gonna have trouble seeing anything, so just come in, and straight down a long hall. Then stand at the door so we can see you. We want to see your face and we won't be able to until you get to the kitchen door! -I want your guarantee they'll be turned loose when she opens the front door. I get my hostage first. No one's turned loose until I say so. -I get my hostage first. No one's turned loose until I say so. Let my kid go. -Let my kid go. I'm not lettin' no one go. -I'm not lettin' no one go. Get that gun away from his head, or I'll keep her from coming in! Put the gun on me, he can't hurt you! He's tied up! Put him under the table! -Get that gun away from his head, or I'll keep her from coming in! Put the gun on me, he can't hurt you! He's tied up! Put him under the table! Don't you fuckin' give orders to me... -Don't you fuckin' give orders to me... Put him under the table or I'll stop her from coming in. -Under the table. I'll take his place, all right? Put the gun to my head. -Watch your step! What the fuck you doin'?! -What're we having? My special, scrambled eggs surprise. -My special, scrambled eggs surprise. Scrambled eggs surprise? -How do you know where the gun is? I know where everything is. -I know where everything is. Except the goddamn skateboards, which are everywhere! I'd like to kill the guy who invented those things. -Except the goddamn skateboards, which are everywhere! I'd like to kill the guy who invented those things. Lay back, Mack. -Lay back, Mack. "Lay back, Mack!! What's this ""lay back, Mack?"" Where does he get this?" -God! Scrambled eggs surprise?! These are pickles...! God! "Just ""lay back, Mack""... lay back..." -Nice threads Dad. Yeah, I think so. -How are things going, pal? Okay, I guess. -Okay, I guess. How about dinner tonight? -How about dinner tonight? Mom and I got plans. -Mom and I got plans. "What ""plans?"" You and Mom got ""plans?""" -"What ""plans?"" You and Mom got ""plans?""" She's taking singing lessons. -She's taking singing lessons. She's what? -She's what? She met some friend of Aunt Millie's who works for a record company. He thinks she's got a great voice. -What! What kind of pathetic line is that? We're gonna pass the street. -You coming in? "No, I'm not coming in. And if you'd rather go to a ""singing lesson"" than have dinner with your father..." -"No, I'm not coming in. And if you'd rather go to a ""singing lesson"" than have dinner with your father..." We're not going to a singing lesson, she's just gonna start taking singing lessons. -We're not going to a singing lesson, she's just gonna start taking singing lessons. So, what are you doing tonight? -So, what are you doing tonight? Shooting. -Shooting. Shooting? -Shooting? Yeah. She says we gotta get used to being alone in this neighborhood. 'Bye, Dad. -Tommy! The guy's a sleaze-bag. She can't sing. I don't think she can sing, either. -I don't think she can sing, either. Take care, pal. -Sexual tension... Oh, beware of jealousy, my lord, the green-eyed monster... -Time to get my bowling ball re drilled. Peter Parker, you have no idea what I did this weekend. Or didn't do. It's no business of yours either way. -Well, look who's dressing for success. At least this ensemble doesn't glow in the dark. -And Flash isn't? Be nice. -Peter-- you took this picture? Let me see. -Here you go, Pete. Uh, Uncle Ben, I-- -Uh, Uncle Ben, I-- What, want a glass? -What, want a glass? No. No, that's okay. -So, uh... how's college goin'? Same old stuff. How's the pharmacy? -Same old stuff. How's the pharmacy? Ah, ya know. Neighborhood's not what it used to be. Kid no more'n five swiped a candy bar the other day. -Ah, ya know. Neighborhood's not what it used to be. Kid no more'n five swiped a candy bar the other day. You stop him? -You stop him? Wasn't worth gettin' upset over a Milky Way. Anyways, I was never much for, ya know, discipline. -Wasn't worth gettin' upset over a Milky Way. Anyways, I was never much for, ya know, discipline. I know. Still thinking about retiring? -I know. Still thinking about retiring? Eh. If I ever get out from under. Maybe take May to France or somethin'. -Ya still follow the Mets, Pete? No…not really. -No…not really. S'funny. When your mom and dad, uh, passed away, I had this idea. I wanted you to be the best baseball player in the world. -S'funny. When your mom and dad, uh, passed away, I had this idea. I wanted you to be the best baseball player in the world. Remember Little League? -Remember Little League? Yeah, Babe Ruth you wasn't. -Ya set for, uh, ya know-- money? Oh, sure. -Oh, sure. Cause if you get in a bind-- -Cause if you get in a bind-- No, no. -No, no. Yeah, ya like to do things on your own I been thinkin' lately. Maybe I wasn't the, ya know, greatest dad-- -Yeah, ya like to do things on your own I been thinkin' lately. Maybe I wasn't the, ya know, greatest dad-- Oh, come on, Ben ,that's not-- -Oh, come on, Ben ,that's not-- -- no, I mean... we... your Aunt May not wantin' kids and all... I mean we both... -When you won that scholarship, I was proud of you. I know. -I know. I'm always here, Pete. -Yeah, take pity on the feeble minded. No, no, listen. They're tryin' to say he was in cahoots with this killer-- -No, no, listen. They're tryin' to say he was in cahoots with this killer-- Flash, drop it-- -Flash, drop it-- -- but they got it all wrong. Any fool can figure it out. Spider-Man nailed this guy! -I was there. See? -See? Or was it all a dream? -Lizzy! I was sort of hoping to get out of-- -I was sort of hoping to get out of-- I'm parked illegally! -Hey, guys. Check it out-- I saw this dud on the tube last night. He is incredibly cool. I saw him too. He was silly and obnoxious. -Mistake? Hey, guy, get back here! Hm. What a lump. -Flash, get lost. Come on, laughter's the best medicine! -You maniac. You'll blow your scholarship. They'll never take me alive. -What's in there? A little bunny I saved from dissection. -A little bunny I saved from dissection. Harry! -Ooooh. Your feet are on fire. Harry -Harry """Harry Osborne diminishes the stature of the University.""" -"""Harry Osborne diminishes the stature of the University.""" Let me guess. The hunting dogs. You lost your scholarship. -"""Scholarship students must maintain dignity at all times.""" I know. I've got one too. -I know. I've got one too. Screw scholarships! Universities are death! They make slaves of us all with their fetid ideas! Burn 'em down, I say! -Great idea. Let me get some shoes. I'll take you home. Why home? The real world beckons, man! The possibilities are endless. Want to go up to the World Trade Center and laugh at New Jersey? -You're so responsible it's disgusting. But you're my only friend... do you hate me? Don't be pitiful. -Don't be pitiful. I am not pitiful! I am the bridge to the Übermensch! -Jesus Christ. Mm-hmm. -Mm-hmm. And you let me go on about Rosomoff working me too hard? I feel like a complete idiot. -And you let me go on about Rosomoff working me too hard? I feel like a complete idiot. You're not half the idiot I am, Harry. -You get mugged or something? Listen, I do appreciate your concern, but-- -Listen, I do appreciate your concern, but-- I got you a present. -Oh, I need your notes from the classes I missed. Well, I've missed a lot of classes myself... -Well, I've missed a lot of classes myself... Oh. Well, hang in there, amigo. -Now tell me you love me. Lemme down, bugface! -Lemme down, bugface! That's not even close. -Are you okay? Get away from me, freak! -How are you doing, kid? Oh, look, Mr. Hogan, I'm really sorry about what happened in there. Really-- -Oh, look, Mr. Hogan, I'm really sorry about what happened in there. Really-- You can be great, kid, just stick with it. But let me give you one little piece of advice... be a good guy. -You can be great, kid, just stick with it. But let me give you one little piece of advice... be a good guy. Right. -Too hip. Your photos suck, kid. I think you're trying to tell me something. -Come on, that's pure luck! The guy was in the right place at the right time-- You make your own luck, Parker! Get into the middle of things, spend every day pounding the pavement of the city's mean streets-- -You taking extension classes, Mr. Jameson? Parker-- you go here, right? Got your camera? -Parker-- you go here, right? Got your camera? Yeah-- -Yeah-- Get inside and get pictures. Fifty bucks. -Get inside and get pictures. Fifty bucks. Can we make it a hundred? -Can we make it a hundred? Seventy. But I want blood and gore. You know, sexy stuff. -Can't focus... Gimme that. Pick it up later. -I bet you don't think I appreciate you, Parker. I do. Well, thanks. You wouldn't believe what I went through to get those. Right after you took my camera, this ambulan-- -Well, thanks. You wouldn't believe what I went through to get those. Right after you took my camera, this ambulan-- I like enthusiasm. That's why I use a lot of smart-ass kids. Not just 'cause they work cheap. -I like enthusiasm. That's why I use a lot of smart-ass kids. Not just 'cause they work cheap. Mr. Jameson-- -Mr. Jameson-- I got a question, college boy. What the hell am I supposed to do with these!? I ask for disaster, pathos, what do I get? Salvador Dali! When I want artsy-fartsy double-exposures, I'll ask for-- -I got a question, college boy. What the hell am I supposed to do with these!? I ask for disaster, pathos, what do I get? Salvador Dali! When I want artsy-fartsy double-exposures, I'll ask for-- Double-exposures? But they're not-- I was in-- -Double-exposures? But they're not-- I was in-- I don't give a gerbil's ass how you got 'em! I can't print this surreal garbage! -I don't give a gerbil's ass how you got 'em! I can't print this surreal garbage! You print pictures of Bigfoot! -You print pictures of Bigfoot! Bunch of kids at your goddamned college say their appliances attacked them. Did you get pictures? -Bunch of kids at your goddamned college say their appliances attacked them. Did you get pictures? Mr. Jameson-- -Mr. Jameson-- No! Washington Square, manhole covers turn into flying saucers and radios explode like A-bombs. Did you get pictures? -No! Washington Square, manhole covers turn into flying saucers and radios explode like A-bombs. Did you get pictures? Can I get a word in edgewise? -Can I get a word in edgewise? No! Now get outta my face, kid. -Relax, Jameson. This is business. I know you want photos of me, so I'll give your boy Parker an exclusive. On one condition-- I don't submit to blackmail! The first amendment protects my freedom to tell the news as I imagine it, and-- -I don't submit to blackmail! The first amendment protects my freedom to tell the news as I imagine it, and-- Would you cool it already? -Would you cool it already? Police, help! Po-- mmph. -Thank you. Now, repeat after me-- Spider-Man is a good guy. On the side of right, and niceness, and cute baby animals and all that. Frmpph-yrr. -Frmpph-yrr. Fine. -Oh, that? It'll come unstuck in a half-hour or so. Your mouth needs the rest. Bye. Hmf-hrr? -No refund on the mask, y'know. Health laws. Uh-huh. Look, this should be skintight. Bright colors. Red, maybe a deep midnight blue. -Uh-huh. Look, this should be skintight. Bright colors. Red, maybe a deep midnight blue. What's this? A cockaroach? -What's this? A cockaroach? A spider. Eight legs. -Eh. Week from tomorrow. How about tomorrow? -How about tomorrow? You're making my life difficult. -You're making my life difficult. Two suits by tomorrow for $400? -Two suits by tomorrow for $400? An even five I throw in the jacket. -An even five I throw in the jacket. Deal. But don't tell anyone. I want to keep a low profile. -Is that bug juice, or are you just glad to see me? Sorry. I'm still getting the hang of this. -Sorry. I'm still getting the hang of this. I see. So, Amazing Spider-Man-- I'll assume that's not your given name-- -I see. So, Amazing Spider-Man-- I'll assume that's not your given name-- Just call me Spidey. -Just call me Spidey. Can I get you a snack-- a housefly, maybe? -Can I get you a snack-- a housefly, maybe? Thanks, I already ate. -Thanks, I already ate. I'll hate myself in the morning for asking, but what exactly makes you any more amazing than the average jerk on the street? -I'll hate myself in the morning for asking, but what exactly makes you any more amazing than the average jerk on the street? Well... -All right, amazing. Are you quite finished? Just about. You see, I also have this amazing strength... -Are you quite finished? Just about. See, I also have this amazing strength. -He left. I couldn't believe it-- he just left! It's as if he's somewhere else... I'm only getting a piece of him. When Peter was little, he loved to hide. In closets, under the sink. He needed a secret place. But when I'd look for him, he'd laugh... he wanted to be found. -When Peter was little, he loved to hide. In closets, under the sink. He needed a secret place. But when I'd look for him, he'd laugh... he wanted to be found. I don't think he wants me to find him. -Maybe I was hiding. For years, I never told Ben the one important thing. He knew. -He knew. Some things you should say anyway. -Some things you should say anyway. Even if they're not clever. -Even if they're not clever. Even if you've heard them a million times in every stupid pop song ever written. -Even if you've heard them a million times in every stupid pop song ever written. What if you get hurt? -What if you get hurt? What if the world ends tomorrow? -Good morning, Liz. How very dull, Peter Parker. -How very dull, Peter Parker. It's too early to be clever. -It's never too early to be clever. Describe in a sentence how you feel about me. Huh? -Huh? "Fill in the blank: ""I blank Elizabeth Allan.""" -"Fill in the blank: ""I blank Elizabeth Allan.""" I-- uh-- -I-- uh-- Uh is a good start. -Uh is a good start. I lov-loathe Elizabeth Allan. Abhor, detest, despise-- -I lov-loathe Elizabeth Allan. Abhor, detest, despise-- Oh. Well, I hate you and everyone who looks like you. -I hate the Platonic idea of you. I hate people with alliterative names. -I hate people with alliterative names. I hate-- -I hate-- I hate your relatives, I hate your coffee, I hate your shoes. -No. I was lying about the coffee. Thank God. --- but the dogs treed him between Huxley and Kafka. Poor Harry. Always desperate for attention. What about the bunny? -Poor Harry. Always desperate for attention. What about the bunny? Back to the lab. Harry'll probably lose his scholarship. -He'll weasel out of trouble. Again. Maybe. I could have stopped it, though. -Maybe. I could have stopped it, though. Since you're feeling guilty, why not donate your pretzel to somebody who needs it? -My my. Yeah. Really gets to you if you let it. -I suppose. You want to give them something, but they'll just buy more Ripple. And they smell so... bad. -You want to give them something, but they'll just buy more Ripple. And they smell so... bad. What? -God, Flash can be such a jerk. But you like that in a man? -But you like that in a man? You should write that one down. -You should write that one down. """Flash,"" Liz. You're going out with something that calls itself ""Flash.""" -"""Flash,"" Liz. You're going out with something that calls itself ""Flash.""" Some prep school thing. -Some prep school thing. Does it have a human name? -Does it have a human name? "Eugene. Admit it, Peter-- you'd do anything for a nickname like ""Flash.""" -"Eugene. Admit it, Peter-- you'd do anything for a nickname like ""Flash.""" I'd never admit that. -I'd never admit that. Hurry up, Flash! -What are you doing this weekend? I've gotta study. -I've gotta study. Oh. Maybe I should, too-- -Eat alone, gotta read. Social defense tactic 17 Peter, that jacket is foul. Lose your glasses? Hi, Adele. -Brrr. It's colder than New Hampshire in here. I'm sure you kept warm. -Don't misquote Othello at me. Besides, you'd have to care about somebody to strangle them. What's your problem? -What's your problem? I've got no problems. -Sit down and stop being such a child. This from a girl who still plays with dolls. -This from a girl who still plays with dolls. That wasn't clever. That was just nasty. -What's in the bag? Garbage? Sort of. I'm returning the-- that outfit that you hated so much. Maybe I can get my money back. -Sort of. I'm returning the-- that outfit that you hated so much. Maybe I can get my money back. Oh, don't do it on my account-- -Oh, don't do it on my account-- No, it wasn't only you-- it -- it just wasn't my style. Hey, look-- let's go to lunch. Someplace nice for a change. -No, it wasn't only you-- it -- it just wasn't my style. Hey, look-- let's go to lunch. Someplace nice for a change. This from a man who winces at the cost of a pretzel? -This from a man who winces at the cost of a pretzel? That was then. I'm better since the lobotomy. --- but at least Aunt May's okay now. I really have to stop by the hospital this afternoon. Do you mind if I come too? -Do you mind if I come too? I think I'd like that. -They keep saying there's nothing I could've done. That's a lie. I could've done something. If only I'd paid attention to my feelings. You're not trained for that. None of us are... I mean, sometimes I... Okay, let's say you had gone back. What then? Are you bulletproof? -You're not trained for that. None of us are... I mean, sometimes I... Okay, let's say you had gone back. What then? Are you bulletproof? Well, no. -Well, no. "So? The next day I'd read, ""Peter Parker murdered,"" and I'd feel..." -"So? The next day I'd read, ""Peter Parker murdered,"" and I'd feel..." You'd feel what? -You'd feel what? Listen. You think you're responsible for everything that happens. Don't flagellate yourself - and don't flatter yourself, either. You're not the center of the universe. You're just... Peter. -Listen. You think you're responsible for everything that happens. Don't flagellate yourself - and don't flatter yourself, either. You're not the center of the universe. You're just... Peter. Am I? I'm not so sure. I used to be sure of a lot of things. Oh, different things from week to week, but now-- I'm not sure of anything anymore. -Am I? I'm not so sure. I used to be sure of a lot of things. Oh, different things from week to week, but now-- I'm not sure of anything anymore. I know what you mean. I... -Hello. Earth to Peter. Are you listening? Unh-huh. Excuse me. I've gotta go. -I'm sorry about being a jerk this afternoon. Just shut up and close your eyes. This'll hurt. -May's much better. She'll be out soon. Oh, God, I forgot to-- -Oh, God, I forgot to-- Ssh. I always thought she was a strong person. She is-- but not for the reasons I thought. -Ssh. I always thought she was a strong person. She is-- but not for the reasons I thought. Strong... -Strong... Her cleverness, that hard edge-- maybe they're the weakest part of her. The strong part is… what's underneath. The part she was protecting. There's no reason to protect it... I think she's just finding that out now. -Peter? I'm here... -Hello, Liz. Hello. So very boring. Peter Parker, how do you feel about me this morning? -Hello. So very boring. Peter Parker, how do you feel about me this morning? I... I like you. A lot. -I... I like you. A lot. Hm. Well, I like you, too. I like your aunt. I like your shoelaces. I like-- -Hold it. Can we stop being clever, just for a moment? Why? -This may be the end of a beautiful friendship, you know. Nah. -You were the last one to see Thorkel. In Octavius' hospital room. So you've found Thorkel? -So you've found Thorkel? Some of him… char-broiled bones. Teeth. We ruled out suicide. Any bad blood between him and Ock? -Octavius wasn't the murderer type. But you said he went off a little, after the accident, when those mechanical arms-- -But you said he went off a little, after the accident, when those mechanical arms-- Waldos. -Waldos. Right. We have reason to believe he also robbed an armored truck and killed two men. With the waldos. -Lieutenant, I've triangulated recent bizarre events-- the Bronx, Jersey, Brooklyn-- all rippling out from-- Here. The E.S.U. Science Center. Octavius' experiment seems to have opened a hole in space-time, drastically changing the interrelation between molecular binding, electromagnetism and gravity-- Yeah, that's fascinating, but I'm just a fat, dumb cop lookin' for a psycho killer-- -Yeah, that's fascinating, but I'm just a fat, dumb cop lookin' for a psycho killer-- There's an infinitely greater danger. If-- Listen. The only thing Octavius cares about is repeating his experiment. To do that, he needs a radioactive catalyst, SL 270. -Toxic dumps, huh. And he'll need a cyclotron. He can't use ours-- he's already destroyed it. Guard every nuclear accelerator on the Eastern Seaboard. New Haven, Long Island, two in Cambridge-- -And he'll need a cyclotron. He can't use ours-- he's already destroyed it. Guard every nuclear accelerator on the Eastern Seaboard. New Haven, Long Island, two in Cambridge-- You sure about all this? -You sure about all this? I know him. -Of course. It's a lot of ground to cover. We'll try. Funny coincidence, huh? -It's a lot of ground to cover. We'll try. Funny coincidence, huh? "No such thing as coincidence. ""God does not play dice with the universe.""" -"No such thing as coincidence. ""God does not play dice with the universe.""" Einstein, right? We'll see ya. -Einstein, right? We'll see ya. Peter-- my condolences. -Yeah, Roz. Any sign of our friend? -Any sign of our friend? Nope. Maybe he skipped to Rio. Feds got troops surrounding every cyclotron on the continent. Are you absolutely positive that one at E.S.U. is kaput? -Roz? Rosomoff? What is it? Precise equipment… such as waldos -There's nothing in there worth stealing! That's the understatement of the year. -Aunt May, you're trespassing. Your records are older than you are. Have you never heard of new wave? -When I moved out, you swore up and down you wouldn't meddle-- Oh, Peter. A zit. -I am old enough to-- --but I didn't feel like getting to know your roaches. ---but I didn't feel like getting to know your roaches. I'll introduce you. -I'll introduce you. Ick. And those foul chemicals in the pots-- -Ick. And those foul chemicals in the pots-- I'm a photographer, remember? -I'm a photographer, remember? Anyway, I've decided to kidnap you for dinner in Forest Hills-- -It's Friday night... Yes. Do you have a date? -Yes. Do you have a date? No. -The record-- It'll shut itself off. -What the hell is that? Tofu. Ben, I wish you wouldn't. -Oh, not that. You promised you'd burn it. You were adorable. The least you could do is use a glass. -Absolutely no class. Funny thing happened after my physics class today. Harry Osborn-- -Funny thing happened after my physics class today. Harry Osborn-- Use a fork. -A match made in heaven. See? You big dullard. -Peter, you're bleeding. It's fine. Tell me what-- -It's fine. Tell me what-- Oh, Ben gets through everything. -Oh, Ben gets through everything. Aunt May, what happened? -Aunt May, what happened? I was napping on the couch. There was a voice and a shot. I woke up. Ben was looking at me. -I was napping on the couch. There was a voice and a shot. I woke up. Ben was looking at me. How is he? -How is he? He'll be fine. They won't tell me anything, but I'm sure he'll be fine. -Poison emergency. Hi. I've got sort of a hypothetical question. Do you suppose the bite of a radioactive spider would transmit that spider's proportional strength and agility? -Hi. I've got sort of a hypothetical question. Do you suppose the bite of a radioactive spider would transmit that spider's proportional strength and agility? Is this some sort of Zen thing? -Is this some sort of Zen thing? I mean, I suddenly have immense physical power, and the ability to crawl up walls-- -I mean, I suddenly have immense physical power, and the ability to crawl up walls-- Do ya? Lemme give you the number for Bellevue. That's 561-5151-- -Do ya? Lemme give you the number for Bellevue. That's 561-5151-- Yeah, a psychiatric hospital. Listen, I'm serious-- -Ha. Anti-gravitational particles. Power down. I need to talk to you. -Power down. I need to talk to you. Proof. Proof of a unified field. Not just theory and equations-- experimental proof. -Proof. Proof of a unified field. Not just theory and equations-- experimental proof. Let's talk in the hall. -In this obsolete little cyclotron, I'm solving the greatest physics problem of the 20th Century. With more power, I could-- I've had an extremely bad day, Octavius. A sophomoric prank in the library and punitive measures. -Then the alumni reports came in-- fund-raising is down this year. I couldn't care less. What I've done is-- -What you've done is make the entire physics department look foolish. You compare yourself to Einstein; your colleagues compare you to Bozo the Clown. This is the unified field! All the forces of the universe tied together-- perfectly! -You've used up your grant. The electric bills alone exceed your annual salary. Not to mention the potential hazards of your radioactive fuel. I don't care. Cretin. -That Nobel Prize will just have to wait. No! -Then you'll be glad to know the University has decided not to press criminal charges against you. Breaking and entering… the minor matter of the total destruction of a 23 million dollar cyclotron I will finish what I've begun -I will finish what I've begun Doubtless. And you'll have all the time in the world to pursue your work. Somewhere else. -Otto, I don't like Thorkel any more than you do. But he has got a point. Rosomoff, I have better things to do than teach Introductory Physics to mindless adolescents. -Rosomoff, I have better things to do than teach Introductory Physics to mindless adolescents. Perhaps. But every now and then someone pays attention. You did. -No. No thank you. I have work. I heard about Thorkel's order-- -I heard about Thorkel's order-- I left a paper in my desk. -A bit melodramatic… but if you could prove it… that would tie in your unified field theory, the Big Bang, Kaluza-Klein-- Ach, theories! This was first hand, experiential knowledge, the essence of the universe. -My… self. I don't matter. This human life, all life- insignificant. Bodies-- bags of sleepy, sluggish flesh. All right, we may be insignificant, imperfect creatures-- but we're all we've got. -All right, we may be insignificant, imperfect creatures-- but we're all we've got. You're wrong. Just for a moment, I heard, saw, felt-- I became Creation. -Creation? Or its opposite? Truth. Pure, eternal. Beyond the boundaries of mere mortality. -Otto, we are mere mortals. You must never forget your own limits-- I'll repeat the experiment. I will hold the truth. That's the only thing that matters. -I'll repeat the experiment. I will hold the truth. That's the only thing that matters. No. It isn't. -Life and death matter. Yours-- everyone's. By comparison, our search for truth is only a product of curiosity, a game-- Oh, Roz. My mind is so far beyond yours now. I could beat you at chess now. -My God, Otto, you have to hear me! The world we know will collapse! Everything we have devoted our lives to-- all patterns, all harmonies-- will be destroyed! Truth. Truth alone exists. Truth must be released... -Truth. Truth alone exists. Truth must be released... You have no right! This is cosmic suicide! -Mr. Parker. Hi, Professor. What's up? -Peter, what can I do for you? An extension on that astronomy paper? Because, uh... -An extension on that astronomy paper? Because, uh... Your dog ate it. -Your dog ate it. Actually, I got this spider bite -Actually, I got this spider bite Pretty lame for such a smart kid. -Pretty lame for such a smart kid. Really, Professor, I-- -Fortean phenomena. Anomalies in our so-called reality. Weirdness, my boy, and lots of it. Caused by Doc Ock's experiment? -Caused by Doc Ock's experiment? How much do you know about it? -How much do you know about it? Not a lot. I saw inside of the Science Center. What exactly happened? -Not a lot. I saw inside of the Science Center. What exactly happened? Only Octavius knows for sure. And last time I spoke to him, he was on the planet Whiz-Bang. -Need any more help? No, thank you. I'm sure you've got your own problems. -"This photo you took of ""Spider-Man"" -" Luck. The right place at the right time. -Luck. The right place at the right time. Really. I'd like to speak with him. -Really. I'd like to speak with him. I don't think I'll be running into him. -I don't think I'll be running into him. You never know. Go get some sleep. -You never know. Go get some sleep. I'll try. Thanks. -The paper, my boy. A solid B-plus. Oh. Yeah. Thanks. -Oh. Yeah. Thanks. If you really apply yourself, you'll get an A next time. -Kid, you were terrific. Max Reiss, novelty acts. Was that judo or something? Ah, skip it. Question is, can you do it again? Oh-- I don't know-- thanks, Mr. Reiss, but-- -Hello, uh, Mr. Reiss? I'm-- I'm the guy who wrestled Hulk Hogan the other day. The guy in the mask? I was hoping you'd call, babe. Look, you got representation? -I was hoping you'd call, babe. Look, you got representation? No -No Good. We'll make it oral for now. Meet me at Rockefeller Center at six tonight. -Good. We'll make it oral for now. Meet me at Rockefeller Center at six tonight. Why? It is a wrestling match, or -Why? It is a wrestling match, or Letterman show, NBC. We'll talk then. Bye. -Where'd you get the clown suit? Like it? -Like it? Nah. The big mask was better. -So they're airing this tonight? Yup. Oh, here's your check, minus my commission. Solid, solid novelty act. -... a couple a drinks at Sardi's? What? -What? I asked if you felt like a drink-- -I asked if you felt like a drink-- No. No, I-- my aunt and uncle. Something's wrong -- I need to make a phone call. -No. No, I-- my aunt and uncle. Something's wrong -- I need to make a phone call. Okay, kid. Call me tomorrow. -Mr. Reiss-- I need a quarter-- I just gave-- yeah, sure. -I sent for the police. We can explain. Explain that some jerk in a mask and costume fought a mad scientist with four tentacles? -Explain that some jerk in a mask and costume fought a mad scientist with four tentacles? Right. Let's go. -You're sure you're all right. Yeah, just a lung full of New Jersey. Lucky you showed up when you did. -Yeah, just a lung full of New Jersey. Lucky you showed up when you did. Logic. Lot 49 is the closest stockpile of SL 270-- I do feel foolish talking with a man dressed like a-- -Logic. Lot 49 is the closest stockpile of SL 270-- I do feel foolish talking with a man dressed like a-- Imagine how I feel. -Imagine how I feel. Excuse me if I'm impertinent, but-- how did you become… whatever it is you are? -Excuse me if I'm impertinent, but-- how did you become… whatever it is you are? The usual. Heredity and environment. What's the deal with Doc Ock? -The usual. Heredity and environment. What's the deal with Doc Ock? He'll try to finish his experiment. -He'll try to finish his experiment. And blow up the universe just to prove he's right? Bit egotistical, isn't it? -And blow up the universe just to prove he's right? Bit egotistical, isn't it? A messianic complex is nothing new to Octavius. In his universe, there's only one mind-- his own. It must be very lonely. -A messianic complex is nothing new to Octavius. In his universe, there's only one mind-- his own. It must be very lonely. Forgive me if I don't feel too sympathetic right now. -"I listened to him talk of eternal truth and thought of the Bhagavad Gita, the Indian holy book-- ""I am become Shiva, Death-- the destroyer of worlds."" Octavius was..." Bonkers. -Bonkers. Loonytunes. And yet... -Loonytunes. And yet... Just drop me off here. -Do you... live around here? No, but I've got this secret identity to worry about. I'll swing the rest of the way. -No, but I've got this secret identity to worry about. I'll swing the rest of the way. I see. Well, Octavius won't get much further. They'll catch him and... put him away. Sad. He might very well have the truth. -I see. Well, Octavius won't get much further. They'll catch him and... put him away. Sad. He might very well have the truth. Phooey on that. -Spider-Man, be careful! He's quite mad. I'm not so happy myself. -Professor, you ever fly one of these things before? Sure, in the war. Pull those cables-- -Up here, Docky Ocky! No, no! Not there! -Don't let him kid you. Cagney couldn't have pulled a sweeter job. All right, boys. We were waiting in the depot in Frankfurt, see? And there was an ammunition train coming through, the longest ammunition train you ever saw, see? So Dunbar gets himself in the men's room, see? Fixes himself a time bomb, busts open the window and just as the train moves out, lays the thing in there, see? So then, he comes out like nothing's happened and three minutes later you can hear it -- boom! Broke every window in Frankfurt. It was gorgeous! I wouldn't talk about things like that. -I wouldn't talk about things like that. They never caught on. -They never caught on. They may. That's why I would keep my mouth shut. -What's wrong with him? Plenty. -How did he ever find out about that ammunition train? You must have shot off your mouth all the way from Frankfurt to here. -You must have shot off your mouth all the way from Frankfurt to here. We did not. -Jawohl. Is you all good Nazis? -Is you all good Nazis? Jawohl. -Jawohl. Is you all little Adolfs? -Is you all little Adolfs? Jawohl! -Jawohl! Then we shall all zalute Feldwebel von und zu Schulz! About face! -Maybe just a hint or so. Think hard. I don't have to think. We didn't tell anything to anybody. Not a word. Not until we hit this barrack. -We made a deal with Barrack One. Any news on Dunbar? -Any news on Dunbar? He's still in the Kommandant's office. That's all I know. -Do Cagney. Like you did yesterday. There was that ammunition train in the depot at Frankfurt, see? So Dunbar gets himself in the men's room and fixes a time bomb, see? Then he waits until the train starts moving out, see? And one of the cars got the door open with some straw on the floor, see? So he throws it, see, and three minutes later -- voom! See? -There was that ammunition train in the depot at Frankfurt, see? So Dunbar gets himself in the men's room and fixes a time bomb, see? Then he waits until the train starts moving out, see? And one of the cars got the door open with some straw on the floor, see? So he throws it, see, and three minutes later -- voom! See? Throws what? How could he have a time bomb? -Throws what? How could he have a time bomb? Just pulled the old match gag, see! -Just pulled the old match gag, see! What's the match gag? -What's the match gag? Take some matches, see? And a cigarette, see? Tuck the cigarette in like this, see? Now the cigarette keeps burning like a fuse, see? -Where's Hoffy? Why don't we get any news about Dunbar? Don't worry. He'll be all right. -Don't worry. He'll be all right. I had to be the ham! I had to shoot off my mouth! -I had to be the ham! I had to shoot off my mouth! Forget it. He'll be back here. They've got no proof. -They ought to be under the barbed wire soon. Looks good outside. -Come on! Static! -Ready? Roger. -Roger. Okay. Move on. -Three's a crowd, especially if you've got to cut your way through barbed wire. Here's the wire cutters. Are the civilian clothes ready? Coming up. -Coming up. Get going on the trap door. -W-w-will that do or do you want some m-m-m --? That'll do. -There's only one pair left. We'll get some more. -What's the matter? You on their team now? You think I'm the guy? I don't know anymore. -I understand how you feel, Cookie. It's sort of rough -- one American squealing on other Americans. Then again, Cookie -- maybe that stoolie's not an American at all. Maybe he's a German the Krauts planted in this barracks. They do this type of thing. Just put an agent in with us -- a trained specialist. Lots of loose information floating around a prison camp. Not just whether somebody wants to escape, but what outfits we were with and where we were stationed, and how our radar operates. Could be, couldn't it? In this barracks? -In this barracks? Why not? Just one of the boys. Sharing our bunks. Eating our chow. Right in amongst the ones that beat me up. Except that he beat hardest. -Why not? Just one of the boys. Sharing our bunks. Eating our chow. Right in amongst the ones that beat me up. Except that he beat hardest. Who is it? -Who is it? That's not the point, Cookie. The point is what do you do with him? You tip your mitt and the Jerries pull him out of here and plant him someplace else, like Stalag Sixteen or Fifteen. Or you kill him off and the Krauts turn around and kill off the whole barracks. Every one of us. So what do you do? -That's not the point, Cookie. The point is what do you do with him? You tip your mitt and the Jerries pull him out of here and plant him someplace else, like Stalag Sixteen or Fifteen. Or you kill him off and the Krauts turn around and kill off the whole barracks. Every one of us. So what do you do? Who is it? -If you don't want to tell me, why don't you tell Hoffy? Or Security? Yeah. Security. -So long, Cookie. The department store is all yours. What's left of it. So long, Sefton. -Now what kind of a crack is that? No crack. Two packs of cigarettes say they don't get out of the forest. -Hold it, Sefton. So we heard some shots -- so who says they didn't get away? Anybody here wanna double their bet? -Private property, bub. How come the Krauts knew about that stove, Security? And the tunnel? How come you can't lay down a belch around here without them knowing it? -Come on, Trader Horn! Let's hear it: what'd you give the Krauts for that egg? Forty-five cigarettes. The price has gone up. -Nice guy! The Krauts shoot Manfredi and Johnson last night and today he's out trading with them. Look, this may be my last hot breakfast on account of they're going to take away that stove. So will you let me eat it in peace? -What's your beef, boys? So I'm trading. Everybody here is trading. Only maybe I trade a little sharper. So that makes me a collaborator. A lot sharper, Sefton! I'd like to have some of that loot you got in those footlockers! -A lot sharper, Sefton! I'd like to have some of that loot you got in those footlockers! You would, would you? Listen, Stupe -- the first week I was in this joint somebody stole my Red Cross package, my blanket and my left shoe. Well, I wised up since. This ain't no Salvation Army -- this is everybody for himself. Dog eat dog. -You would, would you? Listen, Stupe -- the first week I was in this joint somebody stole my Red Cross package, my blanket and my left shoe. Well, I wised up since. This ain't no Salvation Army -- this is everybody for himself. Dog eat dog. You stink, Sefton! -Static is right! The radio's static, Patton's static, we're static! Maybe it's going to be a longer war than you figured -- eh, Duke? -I suppose they also know about your distillery and the horseraces? That's right. -That's right. Just what makes you and them Krauts so buddy-buddy? -Just what makes you and them Krauts so buddy-buddy? Ask Security. You tell him, Price. You've got me shadowed every minute of the day. Or haven't you found out yet? -I grease the Kraut guards. With ten percent of the take. And maybe a little something else? -And maybe a little something else? A little something what? -Yeah, what about it? Cut the horsing around. We know he's the stoolie and we know what the pay- off is. Let's get on with it. Let's get on with what? What is this anyway? A Kangaroo Court? Why don't you get a rope and do it right? -Let's get on with what? What is this anyway? A Kangaroo Court? Why don't you get a rope and do it right? You make my mouth water. -You make my mouth water. You're all wire happy, boys. You've been in this camp too long. You put two and two together and it comes out four. Only it ain't four. -What are you looking at him for? Any objections, Sefton? Take it. -Next we're going to auction off your department store -- and your stable. Why not? -Have a cigar. Thanks. -I wouldn't worry about Schulz. I'd worry about Sefton. Remember me? I'm the stoolie. You ain't going to squeal this one, brother. -You ain't going to squeal this one, brother. No? Aren't you a little afraid to turn the stoolie loose on that compound? For a tip-off like this, you know what the Krauts would pay? -Here's the knife to do it with. Only make sure you got the right throat. We're looking at it. -Brother, were we all wet about you! Forget it. -Put me down for ten, you louse. I'll call the whole pot. -Don't ask me. Price was elected Security. Okay, Security -- what happened? -Come again? You betcha. I said one of us is a stoolie. A dirty, stinkin' stoolie! -Break it off! How much more do we have to take from him? -How much more do we have to take from him? There'll be no vigilante stuff. Not while I'm Barrack Chief. -How did he get over there? Easy! Walked right through the gate, past the guard. Like he was some Kraut Field Marshal. -The S.S. Men are here to pick up Dunbar. They're taking him to Berlin. Looks like he's finished. Only he ain't quite finished yet. Blondie -- get that smudge pot. Tie it to Steve's leg. -Then we're all in on it? Everybody but Joey, and you know who. -You killed them, huh? Both of them? Such nice boys! It makes me sick to -- -Such nice boys! It makes me sick to -- Don't wear it out! -Cut out the guff, Schulz. We're on to you. You know everything that's happening in this barrack. Who's tipping you off? Tipping me off? I do not understand. -Come on, Schulz! Spill it! How did you get the information? About Manfredi and Johnson? About the stove and the tunnel? Who's giving it to you? Which one of us is it? Which one of you is what? -That's the general idea. Only it's not so general as far as I'm concerned. You are talking crazy! -Lieutenant Dunbar? It wouldn't be James Schuyler Dunbar? From Boston? Yes, it would. Do we know each other? -Maybe he would. We applied for Officers' Training together, remember? They turned me down, but I'm glad to see you made it. Of course, it couldn't be that all that dough behind you had something to do with it! His mother's got twenty million dollars. Twenty-five. -Twenty-five. They've got a summer house in Nantucket, with an upstairs polo field. You better put a canopy over his bunk. -What did you expect, glamor boy? The Officers' Club with a steam room and a massage maybe? Just a minute. You made a couple of cracks before and I let them slide. But I don't intend to take any more. If you resent my having money, start a revolution, but get off my back. -Just a minute. You made a couple of cracks before and I let them slide. But I don't intend to take any more. If you resent my having money, start a revolution, but get off my back. Look, Lieutenant. All your dough won't help you here. Because here you're on your own. And no mother to throw you a lifebelt. Now let's see how good you can swim. -Shut off the moaning, or we'll have the dogs on us. Shut it off, Lieutenant. This is orders! My legs are frozen. -My legs are frozen. You'd better get that blue blood circulating, because we're busting out of this stink-hole in exactly -- -- one minute and twenty seconds. -You'd better get that blue blood circulating, because we're busting out of this stink-hole in exactly -- -- one minute and twenty seconds. Sefton! -Sefton! What did you expect, a St. Bernard dog? -What did you expect, a St. Bernard dog? Not you. -Not you. What some brandy? -What some brandy? Yeah. -Yeah. Who doesn't! Suppose we wait until we hit the Waldorf Astoria. -Who doesn't! Suppose we wait until we hit the Waldorf Astoria. It's on me. -It's on me. You won't get off that cheap. -You won't get off that cheap. What are the chances busting out of here? -What are the chances busting out of here? We'll know in forty seconds. Only in a democracy can a poor guy get his keister shot off with a rich guy. -Let's blow, Chauncey. Let's! -I am Lieutenant Dunbar. What is your number? -What is your number? 105-353. -105-353. That is correct. Lieutenant Dunbar, I came to apologize for the accommodations. Ordinarily, of course, we never put officers up with enlisted men. -That is correct. Lieutenant Dunbar, I came to apologize for the accommodations. Ordinarily, of course, we never put officers up with enlisted men. I'll live. -I'll live. Quite a transportation jam we are having outside of Frankfurt! They are very angry in Berlin. They will be even angrier on the East Front, waiting for that ammunition train. Don't you think so, Lieutenant? -Quite a transportation jam we are having outside of Frankfurt! They are very angry in Berlin. They will be even angrier on the East Front, waiting for that ammunition train. Don't you think so, Lieutenant? I don't know what you're talking about, Colonel. -I don't know what you're talking about, Colonel. Of course you don't. Now, Lieutenant, how would you like to join me in my quarters? I have a nice fire going. -Of course you don't. Now, Lieutenant, how would you like to join me in my quarters? I have a nice fire going. I'm okay here. Why bother? -I'm okay here. Why bother? No bother. I'm very grateful for a little company. You see, I suffer from insomnia. -No bother. I'm very grateful for a little company. You see, I suffer from insomnia. Ever try forty sleeping pills? -Ever try forty sleeping pills? Abfuehren! -You have no idea how boring my life here is. If it weren't for an occasional air raid or some foolish prisoners trying to escape, I wouldn't know what to do. I want to thank you for keeping me company. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't read. I hate music. That only leaves good conversation. It will be a shame to lose you. I didn't do it -- I didn't do it. -I didn't do it -- I didn't do it. Of course you did! Twenty-six carloads of munitions gone off like a trick cigar! The S.S. is running around in circles. The Gestapo is arresting the wrong people. And von Scherbach has caught the fish. Most amusing, isn't it? -You are being rude again. I want to sleep. Give me five minutes on that couch. -I want to sleep. Give me five minutes on that couch. Nine-thirty. General von Pfeffinger should be at his desk by now. Shall we call Berlin and tell him the good news? -Nine-thirty. General von Pfeffinger should be at his desk by now. Shall we call Berlin and tell him the good news? I didn't do it. I didn't do it. -There will be two S.S. men here tomorrow to take you to Berlin. You will be interrogated by the General Staff. When you come to the part about your arrest, I'm sure you won't forget to give me the proper credit. I want to sleep... I haven't slept for three days. -I want to sleep... I haven't slept for three days. You will remember the name? Von Scherbach? VON SCHER-BACH! -I didn't do it. I was in the Frankfurt station and the train was three miles away when it blew up. Oh, come now! You threw a time bomb. -Oh, come now! You threw a time bomb. How could I have had a time bomb? They searched me when they took me prisoner. -Here we have a typical barrack. It houses seventy-five men. Every one of them has his own bunk, naturally. Naturally. It would be rather awkward to have three men in one bunk. -Naturally. It would be rather awkward to have three men in one bunk. As for the blankets, you will notice they are very warm. Fifty percent wool. -As for the blankets, you will notice they are very warm. Fifty percent wool. They also smell of moth balls. When were they issued? This morning? -What do you do for heat in this barrack? No stove? The men here used it for a trap door, so we had to remove it temporarily. -The men here used it for a trap door, so we had to remove it temporarily. How long is temporarily? I trust not until July. -Well, Herr Inspector! How did you find the camp? Crowded but gemuetlich, shall we say? I want to talk about Lieutenant Dunbar. Is this Lieutenant Dunbar? -I want to talk about Lieutenant Dunbar. Is this Lieutenant Dunbar? It is. -It is. What exactly is he charged with? -What exactly is he charged with? Whatever it is, it's out of your jurisdiction. This man is not a prisoner of war. Not any more. He is a saboteur. -Whatever it is, it's out of your jurisdiction. This man is not a prisoner of war. Not any more. He is a saboteur. He is a prisoner of war until you can prove sabotage. -And the way you search your prisoners, it does sound rather unlikely. All I know is he did it. I am satisfied. -All I know is he did it. I am satisfied. I am not. According to the Geneva Convention -- -You were saying --? Simply this. After the hostilities are ended, there will be such a thing as a War Crimes Commission. If this man should be convicted without proper proof, you will be held responsible, Colonel von Scherbach. -Simply this. After the hostilities are ended, there will be such a thing as a War Crimes Commission. If this man should be convicted without proper proof, you will be held responsible, Colonel von Scherbach. Interesting. -Interesting. Isn't it? -Very well. If you insist on details. I have ways of finding out about that blasted time bomb. Good day, sir. You will forgive me for receiving you like this? Perfectly all right. I do not like boots. -Aufstehen, gentlemen! Please! You do not want to stay in bed on such a beautiful morning we are having today! Say, Schulz -- -Say, Schulz -- Jawohl? -Jawohl? Sprechen Sie deutsch? -Sprechen Sie deutsch? Jawohl. -Jawohl. Then droppen Sie dead! -Then droppen Sie dead! Ja -- ja! Droppen Sie dead! Always mit the jokes! Droppen Sie dead! -Jawohl! Some are not bad at all. -Wisecrackers? Where did he pick up his English? In a pretzel factory? You always think I am a square. I have been to America. I wrestled in Milwaukee and St. Louis and Cincinnati. And I will go back! The way the war is going I will be there before you! -You always think I am a square. I have been to America. I wrestled in Milwaukee and St. Louis and Cincinnati. And I will go back! The way the war is going I will be there before you! You should live so long. -Hey, Schulz! I got a deal for you. Suppose you help us escape. We'll go home and have everything ready for you in Madison Square Garden. For the world championship! Schulz, the Beast of Bavaria versus Halitosis Jones! Droppen Sie dead! Raus mit dem Ofen. Los! Los! -Why don't we accept, Animal? The worst that can happen is we wind up a couple of lamp shades. Raus! Raus! All of you! -What is this? This is water? It's a mouse trap. -It's a mouse trap. And this? -When you get going on those broads, think of me! Animal! Animal! Aren't you ashamed of yourself? A couple of guys are trying to escape and you're thinking of broads. Broads? -Shut up, Animal! Maybe they were layin' for 'em out there! -Good morning, Animal! What'll it be for breakfast? Scrambled eggs with little sausages? Bacon and eggs sunny- side up? Griddle cakes? A waffle? Stop it, Harry! -Stop it, Harry! Coffee? Milk? Or how about a little cocoa? -Coffee? Milk? Or how about a little cocoa? Why do you do this to me every morning? -Why do you do this to me every morning? Hamburger and onions! Strawberry shortcake! Gefillte fish! Banana split! French fried potatoes! Chicken a la king! -I'll kill you, Harry -- so help me! Let go, Animal! It's roll call! Hitler wants to see you! -'We will remove the iron stove -- the one that was camouflaging the trap door.' I'm telling you, Animal, these Nazis ain't Kosher. -I'm telling you, Animal, these Nazis ain't Kosher. You can say that again! -You can say that again! I'm telling you, Animal -- these Nazis ain't Ko -- -I'm telling you, Animal -- these Nazis ain't Ko -- I said say it again. I didn't say repeat it. -Hey -- Russki -- Russki! Look at those bublichkis! Over here! Comrade! Comrade! Otchi Tchorniya -- Otchi Tchorniya! -Look at me! I'm your baby! Get a load of that blonde one! Built like a brick Kremlin! Hey -- Comrade! Over here! This is Harry Shapiro -- the Volga Boatman of Barrack four! -Hey -- Comrade! Over here! This is Harry Shapiro -- the Volga Boatman of Barrack four! Lay off! The blonde is mine! -Let me go! Let me go! They'll shoot you, Animal! -It's chow, Animal! Chow! Who wants to eat? I just wanna get over there! -Who wants to eat? I just wanna get over there! No you don't! You don't want any broads with boots on! -No you don't! You don't want any broads with boots on! I don't care if they wear galoshes! -I don't care if they wear galoshes! You want Betty Grable! -You want Betty Grable! Let me go! -Let me go! Betty Grable! -Animal! When the war's over, remember I told you I'd fix you up with Betty Grable! Yeah? How you going to fix me up with Betty Grable? -Yeah? How you going to fix me up with Betty Grable? How? We go to California. I got a cousin that's working for the Los Angeles Gas Company. That's how we get the address, see? Isn't that clever? I take you up to her house and ring the doorbell and say, 'Congratulations, Miss Grable. We have voted you the girl we'd most like to be behind barbed wire with, and I'm here to present the award'. -How? We go to California. I got a cousin that's working for the Los Angeles Gas Company. That's how we get the address, see? Isn't that clever? I take you up to her house and ring the doorbell and say, 'Congratulations, Miss Grable. We have voted you the girl we'd most like to be behind barbed wire with, and I'm here to present the award'. What's the award? -What's the award? What d'ya think, jerko! You're the award! -What d'ya think, jerko! You're the award! Me? What if she don't want me? -Me? What if she don't want me? If she don't want you, she don't get anything. -If she don't want you, she don't get anything. You're teasing me again! -You're teasing me again! Let go, Animal! It's chow! We'll miss chow! -No, Animal. No? -No? No. Your eyeball goes. The top of your head. Gotta wind up with athlete's stomach. -Easy, Animal! Easy! Where'd that come from? -Don't you remember, Animal? A chicken lays those things. It's beautiful! You goin' to eat it all yourself? -Thanks. You're a real pal! What're we goin' to do with it? Plant it, Animal, and grow us a chicken for Christmas. -Ain't that too bad! Tomorrow he'll have to suck a raw egg! He don't have to worry. He'll trade the Krauts for a six-burner gas range. Maybe a deep freeze too. -Wunderbar! Isn't he wunderbar! He's the grrrrreatest! -Equipoise! Equipoise! What did I tell you, Animal? Come on, baby! Daddy's going to buy you a hunk of cheese! -Schnickelfritz! I told you Schnickelfritz! Why'd you make me bet on Equipoise! I clocked him this morning. He was running like a doll. -I clocked him this morning. He was running like a doll. You clocked him! Why don't I clock you? -Look at her! Isn't she beautiful! Married an orchestra leader! So what? There's other women! -So what? There's other women! Not for me! Betty! Betty! -Not for me! Betty! Betty! Cut it out. Animal! I'll fix you up with a couple of those Russian women! -Cut it out. Animal! I'll fix you up with a couple of those Russian women! You'll fix me up! -You'll fix me up! Sure, Animal! I'll get you over there! -Sure, Animal! I'll get you over there! How? Pinky Miller from Barrack 8 tried to get over there and they shot him in the leg! -How? Pinky Miller from Barrack 8 tried to get over there and they shot him in the leg! It takes a gimmick, Animal, and I figured us a little gimmick. -It takes a gimmick, Animal, and I figured us a little gimmick. You did? -You did? Sharp. Sometimes I'm so sharp it's frightening. -To the Brick Kremlin! She'll never forgive me! -She'll never forgive me! Bombs away! -Harry -- I'm blind! Blind? How stupid can you get, Animal? I drank the stuff myself. -What do those broads say? What do they always say? -What do they always say? That's what I wanna hear. -That's what I wanna hear. It's not good for you, Animal. -Hey! This is with a typewriter! It's from a finance company! So it is from the finance company. So it's better than no letter at all. So they want the third payment on the Plymouth. So they want the fourth, the fifth, the sixth and the seventh. So they want the Plymouth. -So it is from the finance company. So it's better than no letter at all. So they want the third payment on the Plymouth. So they want the fourth, the fifth, the sixth and the seventh. So they want the Plymouth. Sugar-lips Shapiro! Frightening, ain't it? -Sugar-lips Shapiro! Frightening, ain't it? This is a good one! Shut up, everybody! Listen to this! 'The President of the United States to Harry Shapiro. Greeting: Having submitted yourself to a local board, you are hereby notified to report...' What do you know! So now I'm a draft evader! -That Schulz pig. I'll get him yet. You hold him. I'll slug him. -Why don't we just look in those footlockers? Come on, you little stooge. Hand over them keys. -Grable, not Gable! Do Jimmy Durante! -Do Grable. Hey, here's Esther Williams. -There, Joey -- ain't that better than being a lawyer? Animal! Got a little something for you! -I'll open mine now. I'll open mine, too. -Come on, Animal -- let's trip the light fantastic! Let me alone. -Let me alone. You're crying, Animal. -You're crying, Animal. It's that song, Harry! -It's that song, Harry! You don't want to cry over a dame that doesn't even know you're alive! Snap out of it! -You don't want to cry over a dame that doesn't even know you're alive! Snap out of it! There's a time in every man's life when he wants to be alone! So go away! -May I have this dance, Miss? Why, sure! -But it's not just those legs. It's that nose of yours I'm crazy about. That cute little button of a nose! Hey, Animal! Animal! -Hey, Animal! Animal! I've been crazy about you for years. I've seen every picture you've ever made six times. I'd just sit there and never even open that popcorn bag. -I've been crazy about you for years. I've seen every picture you've ever made six times. I'd just sit there and never even open that popcorn bag. Animal! Animal! Wake up! -Betty! Betty! This is me, Animal! It's Harry Shapiro! -Let me do it, Hoffy. You want to go? -You want to go? No. I want to draw. -Sergeant Hoffman from Barrack 4. Yes, Sergeant Hoffman? -Yes, Sergeant Hoffman? As the duly elected Compound Chief, I protest the way these bodies are left lying in the mud. -As the duly elected Compound Chief, I protest the way these bodies are left lying in the mud. Anything else? -Anything else? Yes. According to the Geneva Convention, dead prisoners are to be given a decent burial. -Yes. According to the Geneva Convention, dead prisoners are to be given a decent burial. Of course. I'm aware of the Geneva Convention. They will be given the burial they deserve. Or perhaps you would suggest we haul in twenty-one cannons from the Eastern Front and give them a twenty-one gun salute? -Good evening, Sergeants. A bit dank in here, isn't it?... Where is the Baracken-Fuehrer? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. You have a Lieutenant here... -...a Lieutenant James Dunbar? Yes, sir. -Wait a minute. We have some rights here. Why is this man being taken out? Curtains would do wonders for this barrack. You will not get them. -Look -- if you don't like the way I'm handling this job -- Kill it, Duke. It's got us all spinning. -Don't worry. We'll take care of it. Take some men and get the antenna going. Let's see if we can catch the BBC. -You're wasting your time, Duke. Outside, everybody! Let's get it over with. Wait a second, Hoffy. Schulz says he's our best friend. Maybe he can give us a little hint. -Not yet. Answer the question. How do you rate all those privileges? -Cut the horseplay, Harry. What's the matter with you guys? And don't blame me if you all wind up in the cooler. -It's not Schulz. It's that stoolie. Whoever he is, he's sure batting a thousand. The guy I want to talk to is Sefton. Where's Sefton? You haven't seen Sefton, have you? -What are you going to do? I want everybody out of here. We'll need a lot of commotion on the compound. -I don't know what your scheme is, but it sounds crazy. Maybe it's crazy, but it's better than having Dunbar dead. -Maybe it's crazy, but it's better than having Dunbar dead. Just as you say, Hoffy. But wouldn't it be smarter if I went out and kept Schulz tied up? -Just as you say, Hoffy. But wouldn't it be smarter if I went out and kept Schulz tied up? Good. -What about Schulz? We'll take care of Schulz. Come on. -No volunteers, Price. I said we're all in on it. You have elected me Security. The way things have been going in this Barracks, I guess I've done a poor job and I want to make up for it. Is that asking too much? -We've all done a poor job of it. I still say this is my tag. Any objections, Hoffy? -I still say this is my tag. Any objections, Hoffy? Any objections, men? -What do you say, Hoffy. We'll hit the air raid trenches and cut out in back of Barracks nine. You'd better cut out in back of the south latrine. -You'd better cut out in back of the south latrine. Why the south latrine? -Why the south latrine? Because that's where he is. In the water tank. -Los, los. Dummkopf! Lay off, Schulz. He's got a sickness. He's krank. -Lay off, Schulz. He's got a sickness. He's krank. Sometimes I think he is fooling us with that crazy business. -Sometimes I think he is fooling us with that crazy business. Yeah? How would you like to see the guts of nine pals splattered all over your plane? C'mon Joey -- don't be afraid. -We know! We got them last year. Five minutes after the Geneva Man was gone, the blankets were gone. One more thing, gentlemen. The Kommandant told me to pick up the radio. -One more thing, gentlemen. The Kommandant told me to pick up the radio. What radio? -What radio? The one you are hiding in the barrack, don't you know? The one your friend without the leg is smuggling all over the compound. -You must get out. For your own good, you must get out. Come on, everybody! Let's go! -Stay out of it, Sefton. Just one question. Did you calculate the risk? -Anybody call? Go on, Sefton -- butt out! -If I were you, Sefton, I'd eat that egg some place else. Like for instance under the barrack. A little weak today. -If you can't get the BBC, how about getting Guy Lombardo? Are we boring you? -What's the big idea, Sefton? Take that telescope out of here. Says who? -Says who? Says me. -Says me. You take it out. Only you're going to have a riot on your hands. -You take it out. Only you're going to have a riot on your hands. Every time the men get Red Cross packages you have to think up an angle to rob them. -Lay off, Sefton. With your mother's pull, how come you're not a chicken colonel by now? -With your mother's pull, how come you're not a chicken colonel by now? Lay off, I said -- if you don't want your head handed to you. -What's the matter, boys? Is my slip showing? I'll say it is. You spilled a little borscht on it. -I'll say it is. You spilled a little borscht on it. Borscht? -What happened, Cookie? Who did it? We did it. -We did it. There better not be anything missing. This is private property. -What's it add up to you, Sefton? It adds up that you got yourselves the wrong guy. Because I'm telling you. The Krauts wouldn't plant two stoolies in one barrack. And whatever you do to me you're going to have to do all over again when you find the right guy. -You heard that, Sefton? Sure I heard it. I still got one good ear. -You'll stay in this barracks and not a peep out of you. Okay, then. Put a guard on me. I want you to put a guard on me. Because if anything goes wrong out there, this time you won't have a patsy. Right? -Okay, then. Put a guard on me. I want you to put a guard on me. Because if anything goes wrong out there, this time you won't have a patsy. Right? Right. -Right. So who stays with me? Maybe Joey? No -- not Joey. Wouldn't you feel safer with Security on the job? -So who stays with me? Maybe Joey? No -- not Joey. Wouldn't you feel safer with Security on the job? Okay, Price. You stay. -Two packs of cigarettes say Dunbar never gets out of the compound. You starting that again? -You starting that again? Anybody cover? -Hurry up on that trap. What are you trying to do, Sefton? Gum up the works? That's right. Or would you rather see Dunbar lying out there in the mud tomorrow morning like Manfredi and Johnson? -That's right. Or would you rather see Dunbar lying out there in the mud tomorrow morning like Manfredi and Johnson? Look, Sefton, I had my hands full so they wouldn't tear you apart -- -Look, Sefton, I had my hands full so they wouldn't tear you apart -- I called it the last time, didn't I? -How do they know? You told them, Hoffy. -You told them, Hoffy. Who did? -Who did? You did! -You did! You off your rocker? -You off your rocker? Uh-huh. Fell right on my head. Sprechen sie deutsch? -Go on. He's a Nazi, Price is. For all I know, his name is Preismaier or Preissinger. Sure, he lived in Cleveland, but when the war broke out he came back to the Fatherland like a good little Bundist. He spoke our lingo so they put him through spy school, gave him phony dogtags -- -What are we going to do with him? Don't you know? Because I got my own ideas. Let's have that civilian stuff. -You taking Dunbar? You betcha. There ought to be some reward money from Mama. Say ten thousand bucks worth. -I told you boys I'm no escape artist, but for the first time, I like the odds. Because now I got me a decoy. What's the decoy? -What's the decoy? Price. When I go I want you to give me five minutes. Exactly five minutes to get Dunbar out of that water tank. Then you throw Price out into the compound, nice and loud. He'll draw every light from every goon tower. It's our only chance to cut through. What do you say, Barracks' Chief? -Price. When I go I want you to give me five minutes. Exactly five minutes to get Dunbar out of that water tank. Then you throw Price out into the compound, nice and loud. He'll draw every light from every goon tower. It's our only chance to cut through. What do you say, Barracks' Chief? Shoot! -You could use a new one yourself. Let's synchronize the watches. Eleven forty-two, sharp. -Let's synchronize the watches. Eleven forty-two, sharp. Check. -Today's Camp News! Father Murray announces that due to local regulations the Christmas midnight Mass will be held at seven in the morning! You can tell Father Murray to -- -You can tell Father Murray to -- At ease! He also says, quote: All you sack rats better show up for the services and no bull from anybody. Unquote. At ease! Monday afternoon a sailboat race will be held at the cesspool. See Oscar Rudolph of Barrack 7 if you want to enter a yacht. Next: Jack Cushingham and Larry Blake will play Frank deNotta and Mike Cohen for the pinochle championship of the camp. -Pirelli. Coleman. Agnew. Shapiro. Nothing for Kuzawa? -Nothing for Kuzawa? Shapiro. Shapiro. -Shapiro. Shapiro. Just what makes you so popular? -Yeah? Give this to Joey, will you? -Give this to Joey, will you? Oh. -Now you've done it. You've given me nervous indigestion. Anything else bothering you, boys? Just one little thing. How come you were so sure Manfredi and Johnson wouldn't get out of the forest? -Just one little thing. How come you were so sure Manfredi and Johnson wouldn't get out of the forest? I wasn't so sure. I just liked the odds. -And what's that crack supposed to mean? They're lying dead in the mud out there and I'm trying to find out how come. -They're lying dead in the mud out there and I'm trying to find out how come. I'll tell you how come. The Barrack Chief gave them the green light. And you, our Security Officer, said it'd be safe. That's how come. -When the Krauts find that gadget they'll throw us all in the boob. They know about that gadget. I'd worry more about the radio. -So was the radio private property. So was Manfredi and Johnson. What about the radio? -Or how about a game of pinochle? No, you're not a pinochle man. You're a chess player. I haven't played since I was a kid. Let's see -- -- a pawn moves this way, doesn't it? And a bishop this way? And the queen -- every which way, doesn't it? Suppose you just sit down and keep your mouth shut. -Suppose you just sit down and keep your mouth shut. I went to school with a guy named Price. But that was in Boston. You're from Cleveland, aren't you. -I went to school with a guy named Price. But that was in Boston. You're from Cleveland, aren't you. Yes, I'm from Cleveland. -Yes, I'm from Cleveland. I thought that's what you said. You're from Cleveland. And you were with the Thirty-sixth Bomb Group? -I thought that's what you said. You're from Cleveland. And you were with the Thirty-sixth Bomb Group? Thirty-fifth. -Thirty-fifth. Three hundred and sixty-fifth Bomb Squadron? Out of Chelveston? -Three hundred and sixty-fifth Bomb Squadron? Out of Chelveston? Are you questioning me? -Are you questioning me? Just getting acquainted. Trying to make one friend in this barracks. -Just getting acquainted. Trying to make one friend in this barracks. Don't bother, Sefton. I don't like you. I never did and I never will. -Don't bother, Sefton. I don't like you. I never did and I never will. A lot of people say that and the first thing you know is they get married and live happily ever after. I wonder what they're trying to pull out there? -Ach so! What did you say? -What did you say? Amazing, what you can do with five thousand ping-pong balls, isn't it? -Stop that, will you! Those idiots! So they sprang Dunbar! So what good is it? He's still in the compound, isn't he? How long can he last? Where can they hide him? Where. Up Joey's ocarina. Didn't you know? -Are we going to stand around here and listen to him until the Germans find out where Dunbar is? The Germans know where Dunbar is. -No. I don't sprechen sie deutsch. Maybe just one word? Kaput? Because you're kaput, Price. -Maybe just one word? Kaput? Because you're kaput, Price. Will you get this guy out of my hair so I can go? -Will you get this guy out of my hair so I can go? Go where? To the Kommandant's office and tell him where Dunbar is? -Go where? To the Kommandant's office and tell him where Dunbar is? I'll kill you for that! -I'll kill you for that! Shut up! Security Officer, eh? Screening everybody, only who screened you? Great American hero. From Cleveland, Ohio! Enlisted right after Pearl Harbor! When was Pearl Harbor, Price? Or, don't you know? -Shut up! Security Officer, eh? Screening everybody, only who screened you? Great American hero. From Cleveland, Ohio! Enlisted right after Pearl Harbor! When was Pearl Harbor, Price? Or, don't you know? December seventh, forty-one. -December seventh, forty-one. What time? -What time? Six o'clock. I was having dinner. -Six o'clock. I was having dinner. Six o'clock in Berlin. They were having lunch in Cleveland. Am I boring you, boys? -The what? The one you took out of the corner of your bunk and put in this pocket. -Say, Schulz -- you guys had machine gun practice last night? Ach, terrible! Such foolish boys. Such nice boys. I'd better not talk about it. It makes me sick to my stomach. -Let us see. We have now two empty bunks here. Nummer einundsiebzig und Nummer dreiundsiebzig in Baracke vier. Suppose you let those mattresses cool off a little -- just out of decency? -Suppose you let those mattresses cool off a little -- just out of decency? Ja, ja, gewiss! It is only that we are cramped for space with new prisoners every day. Gentlemen! Outside! Please! Do you want me to have trouble with the Kommandant again! -Which one of us is the informer? You are trying to say that an American would inform on other Americans? -Schulz, you're off your nut! Give me the radio. -Give me the radio. We have no radio. -We have no radio. All right, gentlemen, I will find it myself. Now let's see. -Nun? Was ist? Haben Sie's herausgefunden? Ich weiss alles. -Ich weiss alles. Wie hat er's gemacht? -Wie hat er's gemacht? Ganz einfach... Streichhoelzer... und eine Zigarette... -Good morning, Sefton. Good morning, Schulz. And how's Mrs. Schulz? And all the little Schulzes? -Good morning, Schulz. And how's Mrs. Schulz? And all the little Schulzes? Fine -- fine! -No use, Schulz. You might as well come clean. Why don't you just tell 'em it's me. Because I'm really the illegitimate son of Hitler. And after the Germans win the war you'll make me the Gauleiter of Zinzinnati. You Americans! You are the craziest people! That's why I like you! I wish I could invite you all to my house for a nice German Christmas! -Du lieber Gott! How do you look? You had a fight? How would you like to give Frau Schulz a pair of silk stockings for Christmas? -How would you like to give Frau Schulz a pair of silk stockings for Christmas? You should go and see the doctor. Maybe I can -- Silk stockings? -You should go and see the doctor. Maybe I can -- Silk stockings? Here. Take them. -Wunderbar! Maybe they are too wunderbar for my wife. But there is a piano teacher in the village -- And how about three hundred cigarettes for yourself? -Three hundred cigarettes! What is it you want from me? Who's the guy, Schulz? -Who's the guy, Schulz? What guy? -What guy? The one you work with. Who is he? How do you do it? -The one you work with. Who is he? How do you do it? I do not want those cigarettes. -I do not want those cigarettes. Yes, you do! -I'll make it five hundred! No! No! -You'd better talk, Schulz, because I'm going to find out with you or without you. Because I won't let go for a second. Because they'll have to kill me to stop me. So talk! Talk what? I do not know anything! -Talk what? I do not know anything! How many do you want? A thousand? -What's the matter with you? You want to be killed? Not particularly. -Hey, Schulz -- as long as you're going to move somebody in -- how about a couple of those Russian broads? Russian women prisoners? -Just get us a couple with big Glockenspiels. Ja! Ja! Droppen Sie dead! -Did I interrupt something, gentlemen? Yeah. We were just passing out guns. -Yeah. We were just passing out guns. Always joking. Always making wisecrackers! -This is me in Cincinnati. Who's the other wrestler? The one with the mustache? -Who's the other wrestler? The one with the mustache? That is my wife. -That is my wife. Look at all that meat. Isn't she the bitter end! -Look at all that meat. Isn't she the bitter end! Give it back. You must not arouse yourselves. -All right, gentlemen! We will now all go outside for a little gymnastic and take some shovels and undig the tunnel which you digged. Why don't we just plug up that tunnel -- with the Kommandant on one end and you on the other. -Why don't we just plug up that tunnel -- with the Kommandant on one end and you on the other. It is not me. It is the orders. I am your friend. I am your best friend here. -Gentlemen, tomorrow morning the Geneva Man is coming to inspect the camp whether we are living up to the International Convention. I am sure he will find we are treating you very well. You must not run around in your underwear. And take off the wash. The Kommandant wants all the barracks to be spic and also span. We'll put pink ribbons on the bedbugs. -We'll put pink ribbons on the bedbugs. The Kommandant also sends you clean blankets. He wants every man to have a new, clean blanket. -My grandmother's ear-muffs. Look at them, Lieutenant. Everybody is a clown! How do you expect to win the war with an army of clowns? -From a chicken, bug-wit. A chicken? -Is it all right if we smell it? Just don't drool on it. -That wouldn't be the cigarettes you took us for last night? What was I going to do with them? I only smoke cigars. -You must have been some tail gunner! Go ahead, Cookie. Come on, let's get that mail. Anything for Stanislaus Kuzawa? -Have a nice time over there? Oh! Somebody was peeking! -So you're stuck with me, eh? Maybe those Russian dames would take him. -You heard him. Okay, Herr Preismaier, let's have the mail box. -You're not disposing of those Russian broads? Tell you what to do. First, get yourself a hundred cigarettes for the Kraut guards. Then get yourself another face. -Toh-pak-cha=8A HoS qorDu. -The Captain would make a much more valuable hostage. We'll consider it a prisoner exchange. -It's working. Where is he? -I thought he was the Chief Engineer. He is. -He is. Then when is he going to Engineering? -Where is he now? I don't know. He bathed, now he is roaming the ship. He must be the only Engineer in Starfleet who does not go to Engineering! -Target their Bridge. Full disruptors. -Actually, Captain, your precise target area was thirty-five meters that way. Thanks for pointing that out. -Tomorrow I want to make a tri-elliptical jump. That's where you jump out over Northern China and make three complete orbits before you start re-entry. Captain. Perhaps you have forgotten that tomorrow is the christening ceremony. -Captain=8A I don't want to hear anymore about it. I'm not going, and that's final. -But that wasn't so long ago. It couldn't have been more than... Twelve years, sir. -Twelve years, sir. Yes, well, congratulations, Ensign. It wouldn't be the Enterprise without a Sulu at the helm. -According to our information, the ribbon is a conflux of temporal energy which travels through our galaxy every 39.1 years When is it expected back? -Data? Sorry, Captain. The ribbon has already entered the galaxy. It will pass through this sector in approximately thirty-one hours. -Guinan said Soran was trying to get back to the ribbon. If that's true, then there must be some connection with the Amargosa star. The star's destruction has had numerous astro-physical effects within this sector. However, none of them appear to have a connection to the energy ribbon. -The star's destruction has had numerous astro-physical effects within this sector. However, none of them appear to have a connection to the energy ribbon. Give me a list of those effects. I want to know every single thing which has been altered or changed, no matter how insignificant. -Give me a list of those effects. I want to know every single thing which has been altered or changed, no matter how insignificant. It will take a few moments for the computer to compile the information. -Data, are you all right? No, sir. I am finding it difficult to concentrate. I believe I am overwhelmed with feelings of remorse and regret concerning my actions on the observatory. -No, sir. I am finding it difficult to concentrate. I believe I am overwhelmed with feelings of remorse and regret concerning my actions on the observatory. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I wanted to save Geordi. I tried. But I experienced something I did not expect. I believe it was fear. -Fear is a very difficult emotion to overcome. It's something we all have to learn to deal with. But I did not deal with it, sir. I let it prevent me from helping my friend. Does that make me a coward? -But I did not deal with it, sir. I let it prevent me from helping my friend. Does that make me a coward? No. And what you must try to avoid is becoming consumed by another emotion which I believe you're beginning to experience: guilt. -No. And what you must try to avoid is becoming consumed by another emotion which I believe you're beginning to experience: guilt. Guilt. It is a most unpleasant feeling. -According to our current information, the destruction of the Amargosa star has had the following effects in this sector: gamma emissions have increased by .05 percent, the starship Bozeman was forced to make a course correction, a research project on Gorik IV was halted due to increased neutrino particles, ambient magnetic fields have decreased by- Wait. The Bozeman,why did it change course? -Wait. The Bozeman,why did it change course? The destruction of the Amargosa star has altered the gravitational forces throughout the sector. Any ship passing through this region will have to make a minor course correction. -This is its current position. Can you project its course? -Courage is an emotion too, Data. Now, can you project the course of the ribbon? I believe so. -Now, you said the gravitational forces in this sector have been altered, could that also affect the course of the ribbon? I believe so. -He can't go to the ribbon, so he's trying to make the ribbon come to him. Data, is it going to pass near any M-Class planets? Yes, sir. There are two in the Veridian system. -That's where he's going. It should be noted, sir, that the collapse of the Veridian star would produce a shock wave similar to the one we observed at Amargosa. -It should be noted, sir, that the collapse of the Veridian star would produce a shock wave similar to the one we observed at Amargosa. And destroy every planet in the system. -Are any of them inhabited? Veridian III is uninhabited, but Veridian IV supports a pre-industrial humanoid society. -Veridian III is uninhabited, but Veridian IV supports a pre-industrial humanoid society. Population? -Population? Approximately two hundred thirty million. -"""Lifeforms tiny little lifeforms. Where are the lifeforms-""" Commander. -Commander. Sorry, sir. There is too much interference in the planet's ionosphere for an accurate reading. -Approximately forty-seven minutes, sir. I have to find a way to get to Soran. -Is she still angry? No, but I'd stay out of Sickbay for a while if I were you. I still don't know why you dropped her in the water. -No, but I'd stay out of Sickbay for a while if I were you. I still don't know why you dropped her in the water. I was attempting to get in the spirit of things. I thought it would be humorous. -Data, you're not thinking about using that thing are you? It has occurred to me on several occasions. But I believe this may be the appropriate time. -It has occurred to me on several occasions. But I believe this may be the appropriate time. Wait a minute. I thought you've always been afraid it would overload your neural net. -Wait a minute. I thought you've always been afraid it would overload your neural net. "That is true. However, I believe my growth as an artificial lifeform has reached an impasse. For thirty-four years I have endeavored to become more ""human""- to grow beyond my original programming. And yet I am still unable to grasp such a simple concept as humor. This emotion chip is the only answer." -But at the first sign of trouble, I'm going to deactivate it. Agreed? Agreed. -Well? I believe the beverage has provoked an emotional response. -I believe the beverage has provoked an emotional response. Really? What do you feel? -Really? What do you feel? I am uncertain. I have had little experience with emotions. I am unable to articulate the sensation. -I get it. I get it. You get what? -What? During the Farpoint mission. We were on the Bridge and you told a joke. That was the punchline. -During the Farpoint mission. We were on the Bridge and you told a joke. That was the punchline. The Farpoint mission? Data, that was seven years ago. -The Farpoint mission? Data, that was seven years ago. I know. I just got it. It was very funny. -I know. I just got it. It was very funny. Thanks. -I don't see a control panel, or an access port. It appears to be a magnetically sealed. -Data, this isn't the time. I am sorry, but I cannot stop myself. I think something is wrong -Data, are you all right? I believe the emotional chip has overloaded my positronic relays. -I believe the emotional chip has overloaded my positronic relays. We better get you back to the ship La Forge to Enterprise. -That's it, Bridge- we're all out! One minute to warp core breach. -Sensors show five life signs aboard the station, Captain. The station complement was nineteen. -Looks like you're stuck with emotions for a while. How do you feel? I am quite...preoccupied with concern about Geordi. -I am quite...preoccupied with concern about Geordi. We all are, Data. But we're going to get him back. -We all are, Data. But we're going to get him back. I hope so, sir. -Could we access the defective coil and trigger their cloak? Perhaps. Yes! If we sent a low-level ionic pulse, it might reset the coil and engage the cloaking systems. -I have rerouted auxiliary power to the lateral thrusters- attempting to level our descent. All hands, brace for impact! -Can you locate them? The ships are bearing at 3-1-0 mark 2-1-5. Distance: three light years. -The ships are bearing at 3-1-0 mark 2-1-5. Distance: three light years. Signal the closest starship. We're in no condition to mount a rescue. We don't even have a full crew aboard. -We're within visual range of the energy distortion, Captain. On screen. -We're within range, sir. Beam them directly to Sickbay. -Deck 15, section 21-alpha. I'll go. You have the Bridge. -You did it, Kirk! Damage report, Ensign. There's some buckling on the starboard nacelle. We've also got a hull breach in the Engineering section. Emergency forcefields are in place and holding. -Do you remember him? Oh yes. I remember everyone who was on the Lakul, every face. Even the ones who didn't make it. -Guinan. It's important that you tell me what you know. We think Soran's developed a weapon...a terrible weapon. It might give him enough power to- Soran doesn't care about power or weapons. All he cares about is getting back to the Nexus. -Soran doesn't care about power or weapons. All he cares about is getting back to the Nexus. "What's the ""Nexus""?" -That ribbon isn't just some random energy phenomenon travelling through space. It's a doorway. It leads to another place- the Nexus. It doesn't exist in our universe and it doesn't play by the same rules either. What happened to you? -What happened to you? I can't remember very much - what it looked like or how long I was there. But I do remember how it felt. -It took a long time, but eventually I learned to live with it. And I began to realize that my experience in the Nexus had changed me. I knew things about people, about events, about time. "Your ""sixth sense""- I've always wondered where it came from. And what about Soran?" -"Your ""sixth sense""- I've always wondered where it came from. And what about Soran?" Soran may still be obsessed with getting back. And if he is, he'll do anything to find that doorway again. -Soran may still be obsessed with getting back. And if he is, he'll do anything to find that doorway again. But why destroy a star? Thank you, Guinan. -Guinan, what's going on? Where am I? You're in the Nexus. -This is the Nexus? For you. This is where you wanted to be. -For you. This is where you wanted to be. But I never had a wife, children, a home like this. -But I never had a wife, children, a home like this. Enjoy them, Jean-Luc. -Guinan, what are you doing here? I thought you were on the Enterprise. "I am on the Enterprise. I am also here. Think of me as an ""echo"" of the person you know. A part she left behind." -"I am on the Enterprise. I am also here. Think of me as an ""echo"" of the person you know. A part she left behind." Left behind? -Left behind? When the Enterprise-B beamed us off the Lakul, we were partially in the Nexus. The transporters locked on to us, but somehow everyone left a part of themselves behind. -When the Enterprise-B beamed us off the Lakul, we were partially in the Nexus. The transporters locked on to us, but somehow everyone left a part of themselves behind. Soran? -Soran? All of us. -All of us. Where is he now? -Where is he now? Wherever he wanted to be. -These are my children...my children. Yeah. They're great, aren't they? You can go back and see them born, go forward and see your grandchildren. Time has no meaning here. -Guinan, can I leave the Nexus? Why would you want to leave? -Why would you want to leave? Can I? -Can I? Yes, where would you go? -Yes, where would you go? I don't understand. -I don't understand. I told you, time has no meaning here. If you leave, you can go anywhere, any time. -I know exactly where I want to go, and when. Back to that mountaintop on Veridian III, before Soran put out the star. I have to stop him. What makes you think things will be any different this time? -What makes you think things will be any different this time? You're right. I'll need help. Guinan, will you come back with me? Together, we could- -You're right. I'll need help. Guinan, will you come back with me? Together, we could- I can't leave. I'm already there, remember? -I'm Captain John Harriman. I'd like to welcome you all aboard. It's our pleasure. -Well, may we have a look around? Please, please. -Excuse me, gentlemen, if you'll take your seats. Oh, of course. -Prepare to leave spacedock. Aft thrusters ahead one quarter, port and starboard at station keeping. Captain Kirk, I'd be honored if you would give the order to get underway. No, no. Thank you. -No, no. Thank you. Please, I insist. -We don't have a tractor beam. You left spacedock without a tractor beam? -You left spacedock without a tractor beam? It won't be installed until Tuesday. Ensign Sulu, try generating a subspace field around the ships. That might break them free. -What about the gravimetric distortions? They'll tear us apart. Risk is part of the game if you want to sit in that chair. -Beautiful day, isn't it? Yes, yes, it is. -This clock, I gave this clock to Bones. I'm from what you would consider the future; the 24th-century. -So you're telling me this is the 24th-century, and I'm dead? Not exactly. As I said, this is some kind of- -Not exactly. As I said, this is some kind of- Temporal nexus, yeah, I heard you. Something's missing. -You said history considers me dead. Who am I to argue with history? You're a Starfleet officer and you have a duty to- -You're a Starfleet officer and you have a duty to- I don't need to be lectured by you. I was out saving the galaxy when your grandfather was still in diapers. And frankly, I think the galaxy owes me one I was like you once- so worried about duty and obligations that I couldn't see anything past this uniform. And in the end, what did it get me? Nothing. Not this time. -No, no, it's not. It's better. Better? -Better? This is my uncle's barn in Iowa. -Antonia? She's not real either, is she? Nothing here is. Nothing here matters. -Captain of the Enterprise, huh? That's right. -That's right. Close to retirement? -Close to retirement? I hadn't planned on it. -How can I argue with the captain of the Enterprise? What was the name of that planet=8A Veridian III? That's right. -That's right. I take it the odds are against us and the situation is grim? -I take it the odds are against us and the situation is grim? You could say that. -You could say that. Of course, if Spock were here, he'd say I was being an irrational, illogical human for wanting to go on a mission like that. -I'll find a way to contact the Enterprise. You're going to be all right. Did we do it? Did we make a difference? -Did we do it? Did we make a difference? Yes. Thank you. -Yes. Thank you. Least I could do for a captain of the Enterprise. -Oh I've warned ye about that back of yours. You should have a doctor take a look at it. -I'm not going Scotty, help me with this chute. What do you mean, you're not going? We promised. -What do you mean, you're not going? We promised. When I retired, I swore I'd never set foot on a starship again, and I meant it. -You know, Scotty, it amazes me. And what would that be, sir? -And what would that be, sir? Sulu. When did he find the time for a family? -Sulu. When did he find the time for a family? It's like you always said- if something's important enough, you make the time. -Their life signs are are phasing in and out of our space-time continuum. Phasing? To where? -The first thing you learn as captain is how to cheat death. Scotty? There's just no way to disrupt a gravimetric field of this magnitude! -But I do have a theory... I thought you might. -I thought you might. An anti-matter discharge directly ahead=8A it might disrupt the field long enough for us to break away. -An anti-matter discharge directly ahead=8A it might disrupt the field long enough for us to break away. A photon torpedo? -A photon torpedo? Aye. -Aye. Load torpedo bays, prepare to fire on my command. -Captain, it may be possible to simulate a torpedo blast using a resonance burst from the main deflector dish. Where are the deflector relays? -Keep her together until I get back. I always do. -Kirk here. Captain, I don't know how much longer I can hold her together! -A remarkable piece of equipment, but a little inelegant, wouldn't you say? Have you ever considered a prosthesis that would make you look a little more...normal? What's normal? -What's normal? Normal is what everyone else is, and what you are not. -Normal is what everyone else is, and what you are not. What do you want? -I don't want a science lecture. You were on that observatory looking for trilithium. Why? I was ordered to by the Captain. -Let's try to move beyond the usual prisoner-interrogator banter, shall we? You have information and I need it. Did the Captain explain his orders to you? Did he say why you were searching for trilithium? No. -No. What about Guinan? What has she told you about me? -What about Guinan? What has she told you about me? Guinan? I don't know what you're talking about. -Oh, I forgot to tell you. While you were unconscious, I injected a nano-probe into your bloodstream. It's been navigating your cardiovascular system, and right now I've attached it to your left ventricle. A little trick I picked up from the Borg. Yeah, they're full of great ideas. -Yeah, they're full of great ideas. I just stopped your heart for five seconds. It felt like an eternity, didn't it? Did you know that you can stop the human heart for up to ten minutes before the onset of brain damage? -I just stopped your heart for five seconds. It felt like an eternity, didn't it? Did you know that you can stop the human heart for up to ten minutes before the onset of brain damage? No, I didn't know that. -No, I didn't know that. We learn something new about ourselves every day. Now. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. It is very important that you tell me exactly what Captain Picard knows. -We learn something new about ourselves every day. Now. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. It is very important that you tell me exactly what Captain Picard knows. I told you everything. You might as well just kill me right now. -Don't you think you're taking this a little too far, Number One? When we went to ancient Rome for Deanna's promotion, we threw her to the lions, remember? -Well, now that we're all aboard=8A Number One, bring the ship before the wind. Let's see what's out there. Aye, aye, sir. Take the wheel, Commander. -Imagine what it was like, Will. No engines, no computers, just the wind, the sea and the stars to guide you. Bad food, brutal discipline. No women. -Sir? Make it so. -There's still no indication of why they attacked the station? We think they were looking for something- they practically tore the place apart. -We think they were looking for something- they practically tore the place apart. Hmm, Inform Starfleet Command. This could indicate a new Romulan threat in this sector. -Hmm, Inform Starfleet Command. This could indicate a new Romulan threat in this sector. You want me to contact Starfleet? -You want me to contact Starfleet? Is there a problem? -Is there a problem? No, sir. -No, sir. Thank you, Number One. -There is something else, Captain. One of the scientists, a Doctor Soran,has insisted on speaking with you. I told him you were busy, sir, but he said it was absolutely imperative that he speak with you right away. Understood. That will be all. -Understood. That will be all. Sir, is there anything wrong? -Sir, is there anything wrong? No. Thank you. -Report. A quantum implosion has occurred within the Amargosa star. All nuclearfusion is breaking down. -A quantum implosion has occurred within the Amargosa star. All nuclearfusion is breaking down. How is that possible? -Maybe they're not out there. They're just trying to decide whether a twenty year-old Klingon Bird of Prey is any match for the Federation flagship. -That's a pretty big margin of error. Too big. How long until the ribbon arrives? -I always thought I'd have a crack at this chair one day. You may still. Somehow I doubt this will be the last ship to carry the name Enterprise. -Captain, are you all right? Yes. Fine. If you'll excuse me. -Counselor. What can I do for you? Actually, I'm here to see if there's anything I can do for you. -Actually, I'm here to see if there's anything I can do for you. Well, I appreciate your concern, but I'd rather not discuss it right now, thank you. -I'm afraid I can't just leave it at that. The commanding officer of this ship is clearly distraught about something. As ship's counselor, it's my duty to- As ship's counselor, it's your duty to know not only when you're needed but also when you're not. -As ship's counselor, it's your duty to know not only when you're needed but also when you're not. You can't fool an empath, Captain. I know exactly when I'm needed. -Well, with all due respect to your Betazoid senses, I prefer to be alone right now. "Very well. I suppose I could make out my weekly report to Starfleet Command without your input. ""Admiral Lusby, regarding the unusual behavior of Jean-Luc Picard: I find him increasingly irritable, remote and uncooperative. I recommend forced shore leave at a Starbase facility in order to-""" -"Very well. I suppose I could make out my weekly report to Starfleet Command without your input. ""Admiral Lusby, regarding the unusual behavior of Jean-Luc Picard: I find him increasingly irritable, remote and uncooperative. I recommend forced shore leave at a Starbase facility in order to-""" All right, all right. You've made your point. -Captain, Im sorry. I know there were a lot of unresolved conflicts between you and your brother. What I can't get out of my mind is the image of Rene- my nephew. I just can't believe he's gone. -It's only natural to feel a heightened sense of tragedy when a child dies. But it goes deeper than that, doesn't it? I can sense that Rene meant a great deal to you. In a way, he was as close as I ever came to having a child of my own. -Your family history is very important to you, isn't it? Ever since I was a little boy, I remember hearing about the family line. The Picards that fought at Trafalgar, the Picards that settled the first Martian colony. When my brother married and had a son... -You felt it was no longer your responsibility to carry on the family line. My brother had shouldered that burden, allowing me to pursue my own selfish needs. -My brother had shouldered that burden, allowing me to pursue my own selfish needs. There's nothing selfish about pursuing your own life, your own career. -Or perhaps they're on the surface. Mr. Data, scan the planet for lifeforms. -Doctor Soran? Yes, yes, Captain. Thank you for coming. -Nothing for me. I understand there's something urgent you need to discuss with me. Yes. I need to return to the observatory immediately. I must continue a critical experiment I was running on the Amargosa star. -Doctor, we're still conducting an investigation into the attack. Once we've completed our work, we'll be happy to allow you and your fellow scientists back aboard the observatory. Until then- The timing is very important on my experiment- if it is not completed within the next twelve hours, years of research will be lost. -The timing is very important on my experiment- if it is not completed within the next twelve hours, years of research will be lost. We're doing the best we can. Now if you'll excuse me... -You must think I'm quite the madman. The thought had crossed my mind. -The thought had crossed my mind. The only possible reason you're here is because you're not entirely confident you can shoot down my probe after all. So you've come to dissuade me from my horrific plan. Good luck. -I've spent eighty years looking for another way, Captain. This is the only one. Of course, you could always come with me. You fancy yourself an explorer. Here's a chance to explore something no human has ever experienced. Not if it means killing over two hundred million people. I wonder, did your wife Leandra know that she married a man who was capable of mass murder? -We're all mortal, Soran. It's one of the truths of ou existence. What if I told you I found a new truth? -What if I told you I found a new truth? The Nexus. -The Nexus. Time has no meaning there. The predator has no teeth. -Careful, Captain. That's a fifty gigawatt forcefield. I wouldn't want to see you get hurt. Thank you. -The royal...studs? You see the top yardarm, now look to the- -It looks like we're too late. There are no other ships in the system. -These blast patterns are consistent with Type III disruptors. Well, that narrows it to Klingon, Breen or Romulan. -One of the dead Romulans had a tricorder. We analyzed its sensor logs and found they were scanning for signature particles of a compound called trilithium. Trilithium? -Trilithium? An experimental compound the Romulans have been working on. In theory, a trilithium-based explosive would be thousands of times more powerful than an anti-matter weapon. But they never found a way to stabilize it. -An experimental compound the Romulans have been working on. In theory, a trilithium-based explosive would be thousands of times more powerful than an anti-matter weapon. But they never found a way to stabilize it. Why were they looking for it on a Federation observatory? It doesn't make any sense. -Have Geordi and Data go over with the next Away Team. Tell them to scan the observatory for trilithium. Aye, sir. -Sensor records show a solar probe was launched from the observatory a few moments ago. The star's going to collapse in a matter of minutes. -I have spoken to the Klingon High Council, sir. They identified the Bird of Prey as belonging to the Duras sisters. Lursa and B'Etor? This doesn't make any sense. A renowned stellar physicist somehow uses a trilithium probe to destroy a star, kidnaps Geordi and escapes with a pair of Klingon renegades. Why? What the hell's going on? -They have found a way to penetrate our shields. Lock phasers and return fire! -It is a Class D-12 Bird of Prey. They were retired from service because of defective plasma coils. Plasma coils...is there any way we can use that to our advantage? -Plasma coils...is there any way we can use that to our advantage? I do not see how. The plasma coil is part of their cloaking device. -As their cloak begins to engage, their shields will drop. Right. And they'll be vulnerable for at least two seconds. Data,lock onto that plasma coil. -Worf, prepare a spread of photon torpedoes. We'll have to hit them the instant they begin to cloak. Aye, sir. -Aye, sir. We're only going to get one shot at this. Target their primary reactor. With any luck, their warp core should implode. -Status! All automates ready and functioning. Automatic moorings retracted. All speeds available through transwarp drive. -All automates ready and functioning. Automatic moorings retracted. All speeds available through transwarp drive. Incredible machine. Helmsman, one-quarter impulse power. -Enterprise maintaining full impulse power... And we are gaining... Stand by, tractor beam! -And we are gaining... Stand by, tractor beam! Tractor beam, aye! -Tractor beam, aye! If he tries to get away with Warp Drive, he's really in for a shock... -Transwarp at your command, Sir! Execute! -Steady... Steady, boys. Keep scanning... I thought you people were reliable... Where the hell is he! He has been here for some time. I can feel his presence. -He has been here for some time. I can feel his presence. Don't give me your Klingon mumbo- jumbo -- there ain't another vessel in this whole damn quadrant. -Don't give me your Klingon mumbo- jumbo -- there ain't another vessel in this whole damn quadrant. Put me on the hailing frequency. -Put me on the hailing frequency. Sure - whatever games you wanna play. -What's going on? When do we get paid off...? Soon, Captain... Quite soon. -Mr. Chekov -- ? "An energy reading from 'C"" deck -- from inside Mr. Spock's quarters..." -"An energy reading from 'C"" deck -- from inside Mr. Spock's quarters..." Mr. Chekov, I ordered Spock's quarters sealed! -Mr. Chekov, I ordered Spock's quarters sealed! Yes, sir, I sealed the room myself. Nevertheless -- I am reading a life form there. -Will we get another ship? I can't get an answer. Starfleet is up to its brass in galactic conference. No one has time for those who only stand... and wait. -Shall I alert Dr. McCoy? Yes. He has a long journey ahead. -Unit two, this is One. The Kobayashi Maru has set sail for the promised land. Acknowledge. Message acknowledged. All units will be informed. -Calm yourself, Bones. Sir. Commander, Starfleet on emergency channel. He orders you to surrender this vessel. -Sir. Commander, Starfleet on emergency channel. He orders you to surrender this vessel. No reply, Chekov... Continue on course... -Excelsior closing to 4,000 meters, sir. Mr. Scott, we need everything you've got now. -You did great, Bones... Just great. Sir, Starfleet calling Grissom again. A warning about us. -Sir, Starfleet calling Grissom again. A warning about us. Response? -Response? Nothing. As before. -Nothing. As before. What's Grissom up to?... Will they join us, or fire on us...? Chekov, break radio silence. Send my compliments to Captain Esteban. -What's Grissom up to?... Will they join us, or fire on us...? Chekov, break radio silence. Send my compliments to Captain Esteban. Aye, sir. -Admiral, there is no response from the Grissom on any channel. Keep trying, Chekov. At regular intervals. -Still no response, sir. Bones... Can you give me a quadrant bi-scan? -I'd swear something was there sir, but I might have imagined it. What did you see, Chekov? -What did you see, Chekov? For an instant... A scout class vessel. -For an instant... A scout class vessel. Could be Grissom. Patch in the hailing frequency. U.S.S. Grissom, this is Enterprise calling. Come in, please. -Nothing on my scanner, sir. Short range scan, Mr. Chekov... On screen, Mr. Sulu. -Sir, the shields... Non- responsive. Scotty...? -Aye sir, coding now. Dr. Marcus, it's your planet. -Do you wish to advise Starfleet, sir? Wait a minute...! We don't know what we're talking about here... -Sir... Something's jamming our transmission. An energy surge. Locate. -Locate. Surge from astern, sir. Aft quarter! -Surge from astern, sir. Aft quarter! On screen. -Could it be Spock's? It has to be. Gravitational fields were in flux... It must have soft landed...! -It has to be. Gravitational fields were in flux... It must have soft landed...! In code to STARFLEET... Captain's Spock's tube located intact on Genesis surface. Will relay more data on subsequent orbits. -I don't believe it... What is it? -Why don't we beam it up? "Oh no you don't! Regulations specifically state: ""nothing shall be beamed aboard until danger of contamination has been eliminated."" Can you guarantee that?" -"Oh no you don't! Regulations specifically state: ""nothing shall be beamed aboard until danger of contamination has been eliminated."" Can you guarantee that?" Not from here, no. -All right -- get your gear. I'll put you down next time around. Thank you... Sir! -Hello, sir. It's David. David... Sorry I'm late. -David... Sorry I'm late. It's okay -- I should have known you'd come... Saavik's right: this planet is unstable. It's going to destroy itself in a matter of hours. -It's okay -- I should have known you'd come... Saavik's right: this planet is unstable. It's going to destroy itself in a matter of hours. David!... What went wrong? -David!... What went wrong? I went wrong. -David, I don't understand... I'm sorry, sir. Just don't surrender. Genesis doesn't work! I can't believe they'll kill us for it -- -This is where the fun begins, Saavik! Like your father... so human. All units functional, recorders are on... Scanning sector one. Foliage in fully developed state of growth. Temperature, twenty- two point two Celsius. -Like your father... so human. All units functional, recorders are on... Scanning sector one. Foliage in fully developed state of growth. Temperature, twenty- two point two Celsius. Sector two... Indicating desert terrain. Minimal vegetation, temperature thirty-nine point four. -Sector two... Indicating desert terrain. Minimal vegetation, temperature thirty-nine point four. Sector three... Sub-tropical vegetation... Temperature -- Temperature decreasing rapidly -- -Sector three... Sub-tropical vegetation... Temperature -- Temperature decreasing rapidly -- It's snow. Snow in the same sector. Fantastic! -It's snow. Snow in the same sector. Fantastic! ... Fascinating. -... Fascinating. All the varieties of land and weather known to Earth within a few hours walk! -All the varieties of land and weather known to Earth within a few hours walk! You must be very proud of what you and your mother have created. -You must be very proud of what you and your mother have created. It's a little early to celebrate. -Same sector. Metallic mass. Underground deposit? -Underground deposit? Negative, on surface... A manufactured object. -Negative, on surface... A manufactured object. There's only one thing it could be... Short range scan. -Approximately two meters long... Cylindrical in form... A photon tube...! -New orbit commencing... Coming up on sector three... Short range scan. -Short range scan. As before... Metallic mass... Verifying triminium photon tube... No new data. -As before... Metallic mass... Verifying triminium photon tube... No new data. Check for trace radiation. Infrared enhancement. -Check for trace radiation. Infrared enhancement. ... Radiation residual... Level is minimal... -There shouldn't be any. Only plant forms were built into the Genesis matrix. Cross referenced and verified. An unidentifiable life form reading. -Captain, please -- we'll take the risk. We've got to find out what it is... ... Or who. -Saavik to Grissom. Request computer study of soil samples for geological aging. I'll handle that later. -I'll handle that later. My readings indicate great instability. -My readings indicate great instability. We're not here to investigate geological aging, we're here to find life forms! -. .. Spock's tube... David -- -Well. There's your life form reading. These were microbes on the tube's surface. We shot them here from Enterprise. They were fruitful, and multiplied. But... How could they have evolved so quickly...? -What is it? Spock's burial robe. -Later. Let's go... Grissom, your message acknowledged. Will advise... Out. -Saavik... My god, what happened to them? It would seem that Grissom was destroyed by an enemy attack. -It would seem that Grissom was destroyed by an enemy attack. You mean, we're stranded down here?! -You mean, we're stranded down here?! Logic indicates that is the case. -Logic indicates that is the case. How can you be logical at a time like this?! We have to get thee hell off this planet! -How can you be logical at a time like this?! We have to get thee hell off this planet! That may be difficult... -That may be difficult... Why don't you just call for help! -Why don't you just call for help! I have already made one transmission too many... -It's time for total truth between us. This planet is not what you intended, or hoped for, is it? Not exactly. -Not exactly. Why? -Why? I used protomatter in the Genesis matrix. -I used protomatter in the Genesis matrix. Protomatter. An unstable substance which every ethical scientist in the galaxy has denounced as dangerously unpredictable. -Protomatter. An unstable substance which every ethical scientist in the galaxy has denounced as dangerously unpredictable. It was the only way to solve certain problems -- -It was the only way to solve certain problems -- Did your collaborator know? -Did your collaborator know? My mother knew nothing about it. That's why I asked her to leave Genesis in my hands. -My mother knew nothing about it. That's why I asked her to leave Genesis in my hands. So, like your father, you changed the rules... -So, like your father, you changed the rules... If I hadn't, it might have been years -- or never! -If I hadn't, it might have been years -- or never! And how many have paid the price for your impatience? How many have died? How much damage have you done... And what is yet to come? -This planet is aging in surges. And Spock with it. They are joined together. -The Genesis wave started a life clock ticking for him and the planet. But at the rate things are going now... ... How long? -... How long? Days... Maybe hours... Protomatter has made the situation unpredictable. I'm sorry. -Days... Maybe hours... Protomatter has made the situation unpredictable. I'm sorry. It will be hardest on Spock. Soon he will feel the burning of his Vulcan blood. -It will be hardest on Spock. Soon he will feel the burning of his Vulcan blood. I don't understand. -I don't understand. Pon Farr. Vulcan males must endure it every seventh year of their adult life. -Pon Farr. Vulcan males must endure it every seventh year of their adult life. I still don't... -Whoever they are, they're getting closer. I'll go... -I'll go... No!... I'll do it. Give me your phaser. -If equipment is functioning properly, indications are -- an animal life form. You said there wouldn't be any. -Captain... the logical alternative is obvious... beaming down to the surface is permitted... """... If the Captain decides that the mission is vital and reasonably free of danger."" I know the book, Saavik." -Grissom to landing party. We have you approaching radioactive indications. Do you concur? Affirmative, Captain. Our readings are well below danger level. -Affirmative, Captain. Our readings are well below danger level. Very well. Exercise caution, Lieutenant. This landing is Captain's discretion and I'm the one who's out on a limb. -Very well. Exercise caution, Lieutenant. This landing is Captain's discretion and I'm the one who's out on a limb. I'll try to remember that, Captain. -Captain, this is Saavik. We have strong life sign readings bearing zero-one-five relative, and we are proceeding to investigate. We concur, Saavik. And Saavik... be advised we are reading a severe and unnatural age curve on the planet. I'm getting nervous... -We concur, Saavik. And Saavik... be advised we are reading a severe and unnatural age curve on the planet. I'm getting nervous... Do you have an explanation? -Captain, this is Saavik. Come in, please... Yes, Saavik, go ahead... -Ah, Saavik, that's, ah, extroadinary. What would you, ah, like to do next? Request permission to beam aboard immediately. -Request permission to beam aboard immediately. Saavik... Does Dr. Marcus think there could be -- any chance of -- ah -- radioactive contamination? -Saavik... Does Dr. Marcus think there could be -- any chance of -- ah -- radioactive contamination? None that I can detect, sir. -None that I can detect, sir. Well, all the same, I'm going to advise Starfleet and get instructions. -I'm sure Starfleet would approve, sir. I know, but -- let's do it by the book. Stand by on this channel. Go. -Captain, what's happening?! We are under attack! Stand by for evasive -- stand by for -- -I'm almost done, sir. You'll be fully automated by the time we dock. Your timing is excellent, Mr. Scott. You've fixed the barn door after the horse has come home. How much refit time till we can take her out again? -Your timing is excellent, Mr. Scott. You've fixed the barn door after the horse has come home. How much refit time till we can take her out again? Eight weeks, sir. But you don't have eight weeks so I'll do it for ya in two. -Eight weeks, sir. But you don't have eight weeks so I'll do it for ya in two. Mr. Scott. Have you always multiplied your repair estimates by a factor of four? -Mr. Scott. Have you always multiplied your repair estimates by a factor of four? Certainly, sir. How else can I keep my reputation as a miracle worker? -Certainly, sir. How else can I keep my reputation as a miracle worker? Your reputation is secure, Scotty. Mr. Sulu, take the con. I'll be in my quarters. -Mr. Scott... I'm sorry, sir, but as far as I'm concerned, there's nothin' needed for space travel that this old girl doesn't already have. -I'm sorry, sir, but as far as I'm concerned, there's nothin' needed for space travel that this old girl doesn't already have. Come, come, Scotty. Young minds. Fresh ideas. Be tolerant. -As promised, she's all yours, sir. All systems automated and ready. A chimpanzee and two trainees could run her. Thank you, Mr. Scott. I'll try not to take that personally. My friends... I can't ask you to go any further. Dr. McCoy and I have to do this. The rest of you do not. -Mr. Scott? I'd be grateful, Admiral, if you'd give the word. -I'd be grateful, Admiral, if you'd give the word. Gentlemen... may the wind be at our backs. Stations please! -Steady... Steady... All right, Mr. Scott. Sir...? -Sir...? The doors, Mr. Scott! -Aye, sir, she's got her second wind now. Scan for vessels in pursuit! -Mr. Scott, all power to the weapons systems -- Aye, sir! -Mr. Scott: two photon torpedoes at the ready. Sight on the center of the mass. Aye, sir! -Good shooting, Scotty. Aye, those two hits should stop a horse, let alone a bird. -Aye, those two hits should stop a horse, let alone a bird. Precautionary, Mr. Chekov. Shields up... -I'm all right -- stand by to return fire! Mr. Scott, transfer power to the phaser banks -- Oh, God, sir, I dinna think so... -Oh, God, sir, I dinna think so... What's wrong? -What's wrong? They've knocked out the damn automation center. I've got no control over anything! -How many more? Just him, sir! -Just him, sir! Bones, help Spock! Everyone else, find a station! -Admiral, this is Lieutenant Saavik. Saavik... Is... David with you? -Saavik... Is... David with you? Yes, he is. And someone else. Vulcan scientist of your acquaintance. -Yes, he is. And someone else. Vulcan scientist of your acquaintance. This Vulcan -- is he alive? -This Vulcan -- is he alive? He is not himself -- but he lives. He is subject to rapid aging -- like this unstable planet. -What happened...? He gave his life to save us. That is all I know. -Is there anything we can do?! Only one thing, Sir... Get him off this planet... His aging is part of what's going on around us... -The Genesis planet is gone. Goodbye, David. -Yes, Admiral. But that may not be possible. What? What are you saying? -What? What are you saying? The Katra ritual is meant to deposit Spock's consciousness in the Hall of Ancient Thought - not in his body. -The Katra ritual is meant to deposit Spock's consciousness in the Hall of Ancient Thought - not in his body. But we have Spock alive! That's more than we bargained for! -But we have Spock alive! That's more than we bargained for! Or less. What you describe is called Fal Tor Pan - the refusion. It is very dangerous. The elders may not choose to attempt it. -Or less. What you describe is called Fal Tor Pan - the refusion. It is very dangerous. The elders may not choose to attempt it. And if they don't.? What will Happen to Spock? -And if they don't.? What will Happen to Spock? . He will remain always as he is. -My God... Much is at stake... -I know you... Do I not? Yes. And I know you. -Yes. And I know you. My father says you have been my friend... You came back for me. -My father says you have been my friend... You came back for me. You would have done the same for me. -You would have done the same for me. Why would you do this...? -Why would you do this...? Because... the needs of the one outweighed the needs of the many. -Yes, yes, Spock... The ship... Out of danger...? -The ship... Out of danger...? You saved the ship, Spock. You saved us all. Don't you remember?! -On course, Admiral. Estimating Spacedock in two point one hours. Very well. Mr. Chekov, I need pre-approach scan... Take the science station, please. -... Admiral, what's going to happen to Enterprise? She's to be decommissioned. -The word, sir? The word is no. I am therefore going anyway. -The word is no. I am therefore going anyway. Count on our help, sir. -Count on our help, sir. I'll need it, Sulu. -... We have cleared Spacedoors. FULL IMPULSE POWER! -Warp Speed, Mr. Sulu... Aye, sir, Warp Speed... -Excelsior, the great experiment, is adrift in space. Mr. Scott: as good as your word. -Estimating Genesis 2.9 hours, present speed. Can we hold speed, Mr. Scott? -We are secured from Warp Speed... Now entering Genesis Sector of Mutara Quadrant. What about Grissom, Mr. Chekov? -See! That shimmering area. Yes, sir. It's getting larger as we close in. -That distortion is closing rapidly... Opinion, Sulu? I think it's an energy form, sir... -I think it's an energy form, sir... Yes. Enough energy to hide a ship, wouldn't you say? -Yes. Enough energy to hide a ship, wouldn't you say? ... A cloaking device? -... A cloaking device? Red alert, Mr. Scott. -Klingon Bird of Prey, sir! She's arming torpedoes...! Fire, Mr. Scott! -Mr. Sulu, what is the crew complement of a Bird of Prey? About a dozen officers and men. -About a dozen officers and men. With some on the planet... -Sir, planet core readings unstable... Changing rapidly... What about surface life signs...? -What about surface life signs...? Close... There -- -Close... There -- Come on! -If I read this right, sir, we have full power. Go, Sulu! -We are clear and free to navigate. Best speed to Vulcan. Mr. Chekov, take the prisoners below. -The planet Vulcan. In hailing distance, sir. Saavik. Send to Ambassador Sarek. Tell him we're coming in. -Mr. Sulu, you're on manual. It's been a while, sir. Here we go... Retrothrusters! -Uhura, any response from Starfleet on our Project Genesis inquiries? No, sir, no response. -No, sir, no response. Hmm.. Very odd. Scotty. Progress report? -Standby automatic approach system ... Advise approach control. Approach control... this is Enterprise. Ready for docking maneuver. -Would you look at that? My friends, the great experiment: Excelsior, ready for trial runs... -How is Doctor McCoy, sir? That's the good news. He's home in bed, full of tranquilizers, and he promised me he'd stay there... They say it's exhaustion... We'll see. -Gentlemen. Good evening. Good evening, Commander. Everything ready? -Good evening, Commander. Everything ready? Yes, Admiral. Step into my parlor. -Will you be able to handle that...? "Oh, I'll have ""Mr. Adventure"" eating out of my hand. And I'll see you at the rendezvous. All my hopes." -Welcome aboard, Admiral. Welcome home, Jim. -Where's Doctor McCoy? Indisposed, sir. -Indisposed, sir. Ah, too bad... Well... You have all done remarkable service under the most -- difficult of conditions. You'll be receiving Starfleet's highest commendations, and more importantly, extended shore leaves. -Admiral, I don't understand. The Enterprise -- Jim, the Enterprise is twenty years old. We think her day is over... -Jim, the Enterprise is twenty years old. We think her day is over... But, we had requested -- we were hoping to take her back to Genesis... -But, we had requested -- we were hoping to take her back to Genesis... Genesis?! Whatever for? -Genesis?! Whatever for? Why -- a natural desire to help finish the work we began! -Why -- a natural desire to help finish the work we began! That's out of the question. No one is going to Genesis! -That's out of the question. No one is going to Genesis! May I ask why...? -May I ask why...? Jim, in your absence, Genesis has become a galactic controversy... Until the Federation Council makes policy, you are all under orders not to discuss with anyone your knowledge of Genesis... Consider it a quarantined planet. And a forbidden subject. -Jim... You are my best officer and if I had a best friend, you'd be that too. But I am Commander, Starfleet, so I don't break rules! Don't quote rules, Harry! We're talking about loyalty. And sacrifice. One man who died for us, another who has deep emotional damage -- -Don't quote rules, Harry! We're talking about loyalty. And sacrifice. One man who died for us, another who has deep emotional damage -- Now wait a minute! This business about Spock and McCoy... Honestly, I have never understood Vulcan mysticism -- I'm sorry! But part of me doesn't want you to make a fool of yourself... Understand? -Now wait a minute! This business about Spock and McCoy... Honestly, I have never understood Vulcan mysticism -- I'm sorry! But part of me doesn't want you to make a fool of yourself... Understand? Harry, you don't have to believe! I'm not even sure I believe. But if there's even a chance that Spock has an eternal soul -- then that is my responsibility. -Harry, you don't have to believe! I'm not even sure I believe. But if there's even a chance that Spock has an eternal soul -- then that is my responsibility. Yours...?! -Yours...?! As surely as if it were my own! Harry, give me back the Enterprise! With Scotty's help... -As surely as if it were my own! Harry, give me back the Enterprise! With Scotty's help... No, Jim! Enterprise would never stand the pounding. -No, Jim! Enterprise would never stand the pounding. Then I'll find a ship -- I'll hire a ship. -Then I'll find a ship -- I'll hire a ship. Out of the question! The Council has ordered that no one but the science team goes to Genesis! -Out of the question! The Council has ordered that no one but the science team goes to Genesis! Then let me speak to the Council! Harry, please! I can make them understand!! -Yes... I hear you. I just had to try. Of course... Now take my suggestion, enjoy your leave -- and let all this tension blow away. -Of course... Now take my suggestion, enjoy your leave -- and let all this tension blow away. You're right. Thanks for the drink. -You're right. Thanks for the drink. Any time. -I say again: Grissom, this is Enterprise. Admiral Kirk calling Captain Esteban or Lieutenant Saavik. Come in! Report status! -Do not lecture me about treaty violations. The Federation, in creating an ultimate weapon, has become a gang of Intergalactic criminals. It is not I who will surrender, it is you. On the planet below, I have three prisoners from the team who developed your doomsday weapon. If you do not surrender immediately, I will execute them, one at a time, as enemies of galactic peace. Who is this?! How dare you -- -Who is this?! How dare you -- Who I am is not important. That I have them is. I will let you speak to them. -David?... David! Admiral, your young friend is mistaken. I meant what I said. And now, to show my intentions are sincere... I am going to kill one of the prisoners. -Admiral, your young friend is mistaken. I meant what I said. And now, to show my intentions are sincere... I am going to kill one of the prisoners. Wait! Give me a chance -- -There are two more prisoners, Admiral. Do you want them killed too? Surrender your vessel! All right, damn you! All right! Give me a minute to inform my crew. -Commander, Klingon vessel. Stand by to board this ship on my next signal. No tricks, Kirk. You have one minute. -No tricks, Kirk. You have one minute. No tricks. I'm looking forward to meeting you. Kirk out. -Maltz. Prisoners are at beam coordinates. Standby... You should take the Vulcan, too. -You should take the Vulcan, too. No. -No. But, why? -But, why? Because you wish it. -Genesis, I want it. Beam the Vulcan up -- And we talk. -Beam the Vulcan up -- And we talk. Give me what I want -- and I'll consider it... -Give me what I want -- and I'll consider it... You fool -- look around you! This planet is destroying itself! -You fool -- look around you! This planet is destroying itself! Yes. Exhilarating, isn't it! -Yes. Exhilarating, isn't it! If we don't help each other, we'll all die here! -If we don't help each other, we'll all die here! Perfect! That's the way it shall be!... Give me Genesis! -Ambassador, I -- I had no idea you were here... I think you know my crew... I will speak with you alone, Kirk. -Sarek... I would have come to Vulcan... to express my deepest sympathies... Spare me your human platitudes, Kirk. I have been to your Government. I have seen the Genesis information, and your own report. -Spare me your human platitudes, Kirk. I have been to your Government. I have seen the Genesis information, and your own report. Then you know how bravely your son met his death. -Then you know how bravely your son met his death. """Met his death""? How could you, his friend, have assumed that? Why did you leave him on Genesis! Spock trusted you -- and you denied him his future!" -"""Met his death""? How could you, his friend, have assumed that? Why did you leave him on Genesis! Spock trusted you -- and you denied him his future!" I -- saw no future -- -I -- saw no future -- "You missed the point, then and now... Only his body was ""in death,"" Kirk! And you were the last one to be with him." -"You missed the point, then and now... Only his body was ""in death,"" Kirk! And you were the last one to be with him." Yes, I was... -Yes, I was... Then you must know that you should have come with him to Vulcan. -Then you must know that you should have come with him to Vulcan. But -- why? -But -- why? Because he asked you to! He entrusted you with his very essence -- with everything was not of the body. He asked you to bring him to us -- and to bring that which he gave you: his Katra. His living spirit. -Because he asked you to! He entrusted you with his very essence -- with everything was not of the body. He asked you to bring him to us -- and to bring that which he gave you: his Katra. His living spirit. Sir. Your son meant more to me than you can know. I'd have given my life if it would have saved his. You must believe me when I tell you that he made no request of me! -Sir. Your son meant more to me than you can know. I'd have given my life if it would have saved his. You must believe me when I tell you that he made no request of me! He would not have spoken of it openly. -He would not have spoken of it openly. Then, how -- -Then, how -- Kirk, I must have your thoughts. May I join your mind? -Kirk, I must have your thoughts. May I join your mind? Of course...! -... He spoke of your friendship. Yes... -Yes... He asked you not to grieve... -He asked you not to grieve... ... Yes... -... Yes... ... The needs of the many outweigh... -... The needs of the many outweigh... ... The needs of the few... -... The needs of the few... ... Or the one. -... Or the one. ... Spock... -... Spock... I have been... and always shall be... your friend. Live long... and prosper! -I have been... and always shall be... your friend. Live long... and prosper! ... No...! ` Kirk, bathed with sweat, suddenly shudders in pain. Sarek opens his eyes, removes his hands. He touches Kirk with gentleness as Jim recovers, opens his eyes. -... No...! ` Kirk, bathed with sweat, suddenly shudders in pain. Sarek opens his eyes, removes his hands. He touches Kirk with gentleness as Jim recovers, opens his eyes. Forgive me. It is not here. I assumed he had mind-melded with you. It is the Vulcan way when the body's end is near. -Forgive me. It is not here. I assumed he had mind-melded with you. It is the Vulcan way when the body's end is near. But he couldn't touch me...! We were separated! -But he couldn't touch me...! We were separated! I see... and I understand. Then everything that he was... Everything that he knew... is lost. And when I return home empty-handed, many shall mourn. -Please wait!... Surely he would have found a way! If there was so much at stake -- Spock would have found a way! Yes... But -- how...? -Yes... But -- how...? Sarek!... What if he melded with someone else?! -Bones!... One alive, one not. Yet both in pain. -One alive, one not. Yet both in pain. What must I do? -What must I do? You must bring them to Mount Selaya -- on Vulcan. Only there is the passage possible. Only there can both find peace... -You must bring them to Mount Selaya -- on Vulcan. Only there is the passage possible. Only there can both find peace... What you ask is difficult. -What you ask is difficult. You will find a way, Kirk. If you honor them both, you must. -What about Spock? I am not sure. Only time will answer. Kirk. I thank you. What you have done is -- -I am not sure. Only time will answer. Kirk. I thank you. What you have done is -- What I have done, I had to do. -What I have done, I had to do. But at what cost? Your ship... Your son. -But at what cost? Your ship... Your son. If I hadn't tried, the cost would have been my soul. -So! Speak! Great power... to control... dominate... destroy. If it works. -Share this with no one. Understood, my lord. -Understood, my lord. "We are going to this ""planet."" Even as our emissaries negotiate for ""peace"" with the Federation, we will act for the preservation of our race! We will seize the secret of this weapon. The secret of ultimate power!" -"We are going to this ""planet."" Even as our emissaries negotiate for ""peace"" with the Federation, we will act for the preservation of our race! We will seize the secret of this weapon. The secret of ultimate power!" Success, my lord. -Success, my lord. Station! -Sir, may I suggest -- Say the wrong thing, Torg, and I will kill you too! -Say the wrong thing, Torg, and I will kill you too! I only meant, my lord, that if it's prisoners you want -- There are life signs on the planet. Perhaps the very scientists you seek. -I ordered no interruptions. But sir! Federation Starship approaching. -We are cloaked. Enemy closing on impulse power. Range, 5,000 Kellicams. Good. This is the turn of luck I have been waiting for. -Why haven't they finished us?... They outgun me ten to one; they have four hundred in crew to my handful, yet they sit there. Perhaps they wish to take you prisoner. -Perhaps they wish to take you prisoner. They know we would die first. -How can you tell that? I trust my instincts. Admiral Kirk. This is your opponent speaking. -I give two minutes. For you, and your gallant crew. Take every last man: form a boarding party, armed heavily! They outnumber us, my Lord -- -They outnumber us, my Lord -- We are Klingons! Once you control the ship, I will transfer my flag there. And we will take Genesis from their own memory banks! -I'll be in my quarters. Execute course to the Federation Boundary. Yes, my lord! -Range: 3000 Kellicams. Steady. Continue on impulse power. -1,000 Kellicams, closing! Wait!... Wait... -My Lord, enemy commander wishes a truce to confer. Put him on screen! Study him well. -My Lord... what are your orders? I underestimated him... He did the one thing I didn't anticipate ... He destroyed himself... -I underestimated him... He did the one thing I didn't anticipate ... He destroyed himself... Sir, may I -- -Sir, may I -- Killing his son was stupid! It made Kirk willing to die. -Killing his son was stupid! It made Kirk willing to die. We still have the prisoners, sir. Perhaps their information -- -We still have the prisoners, sir. Perhaps their information -- They are useless! It was Kirk I needed. And I let him slip away. -They are useless! It was Kirk I needed. And I let him slip away. But surely, our mission has not failed -- ? -But surely, our mission has not failed -- ? Our mission is over. I have failed... A human has been bolder and more ruthless than I... That -- is the real dishonor. -You amaze me, Commander. How is that...? -How is that...? A twenty year space veteran, yet you ask for the worst duty station in town. I mean, look at this place: the hind end of space. -A twenty year space veteran, yet you ask for the worst duty station in town. I mean, look at this place: the hind end of space. Peace and quiet appeals to me, Lieutenant. -Peace and quiet appeals to me, Lieutenant. Well, maybe that's okay for someone like you whose career is winding down. But me: I need some challenge in my life. Some adventure... Even just a surprise or two. -Well, maybe that's okay for someone like you whose career is winding down. But me: I need some challenge in my life. Some adventure... Even just a surprise or two. You know what they say, Lieutenant. Careful what you wish for: you may get it. -Commander, these are some of the most famous people in Starfleet! Admiral Kirk, my God! Good for you, Lieutenant. -Good for you, Lieutenant. But it's damn irregular. No destination orders, no encoded i.d... -But it's damn irregular. No destination orders, no encoded i.d... All true. -All true. Well -- what are we going to do about it?! -Well -- what are we going to do about it?! I am going to do nothing about it. You are going to sit in the closet. -I am going to do nothing about it. You are going to sit in the closet. The closet?! Have you lost all sense of reality? -The closet?! Have you lost all sense of reality? This isn't reality. This is fantasy. -But dear Lord, are we intelligent enough to -- Suppose, this thing were used where life already exists? It would destroy such life in favor of its new matrix -- -It would destroy such life in favor of its new matrix -- It's new -- have you any idea what you're saying? -It's new -- have you any idea what you're saying? I was not attempting to evaluate its moral implications, Doctor. As a matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy than to create -- -I was not attempting to evaluate its moral implications, Doctor. As a matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy than to create -- Not anymore! Now you can do both at the same time! According to myth, the earth was created in six days. Watch out: here comes Genesis; we'll do it for you in six minutes -- -Not anymore! Now you can do both at the same time! According to myth, the earth was created in six days. Watch out: here comes Genesis; we'll do it for you in six minutes -- I don't dispute that in the wrong hands -- -I don't dispute that in the wrong hands -- Would you like to tell me whose are the right hands, my cold-blooded friend? Are you in favor of these experiments? -Are you out of your Vulcan mind? No human can tolerate the radiation loose in there! But, as you are so fond of observing, Doctor, I'm not human. -But, as you are so fond of observing, Doctor, I'm not human. You're not going in there -- ! -You're not going in there -- ! I'm afraid I can't stop to discuss this logically -- -Physician, heal thyself. That's all you have to say? -That's all you have to say? I'm not a drama critic. -Wouldn't it be easier to put an experienced crew back on the ship? They'll learn. Galloping about the cosmos is a game for the young, doctor. -Bless me, doctor; and what beams you into this neck of the woods? 'Beware Romulans bearing gifts.' Happy Birthday... -Romulan Ale! Bones, you know this stuff is illegal -- I only use it for medicinal purposes. Don't be a pring... -I only use it for medicinal purposes. Don't be a pring... Twenty-two, eighty-three... -Twenty-two, eighty-three... Takes the stuff a while to ferment. Gimme. -I'm almost afraid to. What did you bring me, contraband Klingon -- More antiques for your collection -- Cheers! -Cheers. Bones, these are... charming. Four hundred years old. You don't find many with the lens still intact. -Four hundred years old. You don't find many with the lens still intact. Uh -- what are they? -Uh -- what are they? For your eyes. For most patients of your age, I generally administer Retlax Five to restore flexibility of the lens. -For your eyes. For most patients of your age, I generally administer Retlax Five to restore flexibility of the lens. But I'm allergic to Retlax. -But I'm allergic to Retlax. Exactly. Happy birthday. -Slide them down your nose. Now look at me over the top. And you read printed matter through the bottom. Amazing! I don't know what to say -- -Amazing! I don't know what to say -- Say thank you. -Say thank you. Thank you. -Damn it, Jim, what the hell's the matter? Other people have birthdays. Why're we treating yours like a funeral? Bones, I don't want to be lectured. -Bones, I don't want to be lectured. What DO you want? Damn it, why isn't there a girl here? You know this has nothing to do with age. This is about you flying a goddamn computer console when you wanna be out hopping Galaxies. -What DO you want? Damn it, why isn't there a girl here? You know this has nothing to do with age. This is about you flying a goddamn computer console when you wanna be out hopping Galaxies. Spare me your notions of poetry, please. We all have our assigned duties and... -Spare me your notions of poetry, please. We all have our assigned duties and... Bull. You're hiding -- hiding behind the rules and regulations -- -Bull. You're hiding -- hiding behind the rules and regulations -- And who am I hiding from? -And who am I hiding from? From yourself, Admiral. -Don't mince words, Bones; tell me what you really think. I'm your doctor and I'm your friend, Jim. Get back your command. Get it back before you really do grow old. Before you turn into part of this collection. -Shore leave, Admiral. Ah. -What about the rest of the inspection, Admiral? The inspection will continue once we're underway, Doctor. -It never rains but when it pours -- As a physician you of all people should appreciate the danger of re-opening old wounds. -I've got the sick bay ready. Will someone please tell me what is going on? Computer. Request security procedure and access to Project Genesis Summary. -Doctors lose patients sometimes. Damn. I'm still in the dark: How'd he know about Genesis? At the moment that question takes a back seat to preventing him from laying his hands on it. You said it yourself; we're talking about a bang that would re-arrange the universe... -At the moment that question takes a back seat to preventing him from laying his hands on it. You said it yourself; we're talking about a bang that would re-arrange the universe... There may still be time... you gave as good as you got. -There may still be time... you gave as good as you got. I got beat. We're only alive because I knew something about these ships that he didn't. -Khan could be down there! He's BEEN there and hasn't found what he wants. Can you spare someone? There may be people hurt. -He's BEEN there and hasn't found what he wants. Can you spare someone? There may be people hurt. I can spare me... -They even killed the galley chief. This one looks like a Steward. They're not warm, but rigor hasn't set in. This didn't happen all that long ago, Jim. -Go? Where are we going? Where they went. Saavik. -But what if they went -- nowhere? Then this will be your big chance to get away from it all. -Do you have anything to eat? I don't know about anyone else, but I'm starved. How can you think of food at a time like this? -How can you think of food at a time like this? Our first order of business is survival. -Now that's what I call a meal. It's like the Garden of Eden... -Lieutenant, you are looking at the only Starfleet cadet who ever beat the no-win scenario -- And almost got tossed out of the Academy... -Until now. We each face death every day we're alive, Saavik. -Hours instead of days, Saavik; now we have minutes instead of hours -- I'm taking this bunch to sick bay. -You okay, Jim? How do you feel? Young. I feel young, Doctor. -... come in, please. This is Reliant calling Regula I. Repeat. This is USS Reliant -- Commander, we are receiving. This is Regula I. Go ahead. -Commander, we are receiving. This is Regula I. Go ahead. Dr. Marcus... good. We're en route to you and should be there in three days. -Dr. Marcus... good. We're en route to you and should be there in three days. En route? Why? We weren't expecting you for another three months. Has something happened? Has something happened? Do you read us? -En route? Why? We weren't expecting you for another three months. Has something happened? Has something happened? Do you read us? All went well. Nothing has happened. Ceti Alpha VI has checked out. -I still don't under -- We have received new orders. Upon our arrival at Regula I, all materials of Project Genesis will be transferred to this ship for immediate testing at Ceti Alpha VI. -Will you please be quiet! Commander Chekov, this is completely irregular. Who gave the order you are quoting? Who gave the order? The order comes from Starfleet command, Dr. Marcus, direct from the General Staff. -The order comes from Starfleet command, Dr. Marcus, direct from the General Staff. But Genesis is a civilian project, under my control -- -But Genesis is a civilian project, under my control -- I have my orders. -This is completely improper, Commander Chekov. I have no intention of allowing Reliant or any other unauthorized personnel access to our work or materials. I'm sorry you feel that way, Doctor. Admiral Kirk's orders are confirmed. Please prepare to deliver Genesis to us upon our arrival. Reliant out. -Jim... read me? Can you read me? Message breaking up, Carol. What's wrong? What's wrong? -Message breaking up, Carol. What's wrong? What's wrong? ... Can't read you... repeat... -... Can't read you... repeat... Repeat... what's wrong? What's wrong? -Repeat... what's wrong? What's wrong? ... taking Genesis away from us... -... taking Genesis away from us... Taking Genesis? Who? Who is taking Genesis? -Taking Genesis? Who? Who is taking Genesis? ... see you but can't hear. Did you... order...? -... see you but can't hear. Did you... order...? What order? Who's taking Genesis? -What order? Who's taking Genesis? ... Please help us, Jim... won't let them have... without proper... repeat... on whose authority... -... Please help us, Jim... won't let them have... without proper... repeat... on whose authority... Carol! -Carol! Jim please -- -Wait -- Stage One of our experiments was conducted in the labora- tory. Stage Two of the series will be attempted in a lifeless underground; Stage Three will involve the process on a plane- tary scale. What follows is a computer projected simulation of Stage Three. Please watch closely. -David was right, wasn't he? It's just to keep them busy. Why? Why didn't you tell me? -Why? Why didn't you tell me? How can you ask me that? Were we together? Where we going to be? You had your world and I had mine. I wanted him in mine, not chasing through the universe with his father. -You did this -- in a day?! The matrix formed in a day. The life forms grew later -- at a wildly accelerated rate. Can I cook or can't I? -It is a far far better thing I do than I have ever done before... a far better resting place I go to than I have ever known... Is that a poem? -Is that a poem? Something Spock was trying to tell me. On my birthday. -How can you let them pull that stuff on you? They're just lazy. And bored. I know. But maybe it IS something they can... -And bored. I know. But maybe it IS something they can... Come on, Mother, that's just the military mentality. Never put off tomorrow what you can put off today. If there's one atom of life... -Come on, Mother, that's just the military mentality. Never put off tomorrow what you can put off today. If there's one atom of life... I know, I know... -Well, don't have kittens. Genesis is going to work. They'll remember you in a wreath with Newton, Einstein, Surak... Thanks a lot. No respect from my offspring -- -Thanks a lot. No respect from my offspring -- Par for the course... you teaming up with me for bridge after dinner? -Par for the course... you teaming up with me for bridge after dinner? Maybe... -Maybe... Every time we have dealings with Starfleet, I get nervous. We're dealing with something that COULD be perverted into a dreadful weapon. Remember that overgrown boy scout you used to hang out with? That's exactly the -- -Does that about do it? I don't think there's another piece of information we could squeeze into the memory banks. Next time, we'll design a bigger one. -I don't think there's another piece of information we could squeeze into the memory banks. Next time, we'll design a bigger one. Who -- -Will you please be quiet! We must have order here. This has to be some sort of mistake. Mistake? We're all alone here. They waited until everyone was on shift-leave to do this. Reliant is supposed to be at our disposal, not vice-versa. -I've tried to warn you. Scientists are always pawns of the military -- Starfleet has kept the peace for a hundred years, I cannot and will not subscribe to your interpretation of this event. -David -- Mother, go back! -Jim -- Go back. I'm going to kill him. -Go back. I'm going to kill him. You do that and you'll have murdered your father. -So are we, it looks like. I don't understand. Who's responsible for all this? Who is Khan? -This? It took the Starfleet corps of engineers ten months in space suits to tunnel out all this. What we did in there -- we did in a day. David, why don't you show Dr. McCoy and the Lieutenant our idea of food. But we can't just sit here -- ! -David. Please. This is just to give us something to do, isn't it? Come on. -Don't tell me you've got something. We've picked up a minor energy flux reading on one dyno scanner. -We've picked up a minor energy flux reading on one dyno scanner. Damn! Are you sure? Maybe the scanner's out of adjustment -- -Damn! Are you sure? Maybe the scanner's out of adjustment -- I suppose it could be a particle of preanimate matter caught in the matrix... -I suppose it could be a particle of preanimate matter caught in the matrix... All right, let's get on the Comm-pic to Doctor Marcus. Maybe it's something we can transplant. -All right, let's get on the Comm-pic to Doctor Marcus. Maybe it's something we can transplant. You know what she'll say... -Are you sure these are the coordinates? Captain, this is the garden spot of Ceti Alpha VI -- -Captain, this is the garden spot of Ceti Alpha VI -- I can hardly see -- -You're crazy -- ! I saw it -- ! -I saw it -- ! There's an air-lock. -I told you! I told you I saw a -- Ssssh! -Botany Bay -- oh no! What's the matter -- ? -But the child -- Never mind! Hurry! -A criminal, Captain -- a product of the late 20th Century genetic engineering -- What do you want with us? I demand -- -He left us. We were no longer of use. SAAVIK Where is the Reliant crew? Dead? Marooned on Ceti Alpha V. He's completely mad, Admiral. He blames you for the death of his wife... -You lie! On Ceti Alpha V there was life, a fair chance to -- This is Ceti Alpha V! Ceti Alpha VI exploded six months after we were left here. The shock shifted the orbit of this planet and everything was laid waste. Admiral Kirk never bothered to check on our progress. It was only the fact of my genetically engineered intellect that enabled us to survive! On earth, two hundred years ago, I was a prince, with power over millions -- now, like Prometheus I have been left by Admiral Kirk to digest my own entrails. -This is Ceti Alpha V! Ceti Alpha VI exploded six months after we were left here. The shock shifted the orbit of this planet and everything was laid waste. Admiral Kirk never bothered to check on our progress. It was only the fact of my genetically engineered intellect that enabled us to survive! On earth, two hundred years ago, I was a prince, with power over millions -- now, like Prometheus I have been left by Admiral Kirk to digest my own entrails. Captain Kirk was your host! You repaid his hospitality by trying to steal his ship and murder him. -Captain Kirk was your host! You repaid his hospitality by trying to steal his ship and murder him. And I'll wager he never told you about his shipmate, the beautiful and courageous Lieutenant McGiver, who gave up everything to join me in exile. OUT OF LOVE. And see how Admiral Kirk requited her devotion -- She's dead as earth! -Khan, listen to me! Captain Kirk was only doing his duty! You -- There is some pain at first, I am told, and then the effects are quite benign -- until the end. That was what I learned from watching my wife. -Beyond what I told you, sir, it is classified information. Umm. And would Admiral Kirk have access to such information? -Umm. And would Admiral Kirk have access to such information? I would think so, sir. He's on the Fleet General Staff. -I would think so, sir. He's on the Fleet General Staff. Then to whom do you report directly regarding Genesis? -Then to whom do you report directly regarding Genesis? To Doctor Marcus, the civilian director of the experiments on Space Laboratory Regula I. -To Doctor Marcus, the civilian director of the experiments on Space Laboratory Regula I. I see. Helmsman? -Well done, Commander. You realize, sir, that they will attempt to contact Admiral Kirk and confirm the order. -I'm Admiral Kirk... We were still there, you dumb bastard! We could hear the screams all the way to the transporter room -- -Where's Dr. Marcus -- I'm Doctor Marcus! -Why didn't you tell me? She's making it up! My father was Professor -- -It's a long story. We appear to have plenty of time. -It's the Genesis Wave! What? -What? He's on a build up to detonation! -He's on a build up to detonation! How soon -- -How soon -- We encoded four minutes -- -We encoded four minutes -- We'll beam aboard and stop it -- -We'll beam aboard and stop it -- You can't! -I don't mean to intrude. Uh, no... I should be on the bridge. -Uh, no... I should be on the bridge. Are you running away from me? -I suppose I was. I poured a drink. Would you like it? No. I -- I guess I'm not what you expected. -No. I -- I guess I'm not what you expected. I didn't expect anything. -I didn't expect anything. That makes two of us. Lieutenant Saavik was right: you never have faced death -- -That makes two of us. Lieutenant Saavik was right: you never have faced death -- Not like this -- no. I haven't faced death, I cheated death. I tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing. -Not like this -- no. I haven't faced death, I cheated death. I tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing. You knew enough to tell Saavik that how we face death is at least as important as how we face life -- -You knew enough to tell Saavik that how we face death is at least as important as how we face life -- It was just words. -It was just words. But good words. That's where ideas begin. Maybe you should listen to them. -But good words. That's where ideas begin. Maybe you should listen to them. I'm trying, David. -I'm trying, David. So am I. My friends were killed, too. -So am I. My friends were killed, too. I am truly sorry. -I was wrong about you. And I'm sorry. Is that what you came here to say? -Is that what you came here to say? Mainly. And also that I'm proud -- very proud -- to be your son. -Let go -- he can't -- ! Only half of you would get there. -What are you looking at? The Admiral's son. -The Admiral's son. Don't you believe it. -Don't you believe it. Oh, I believe it. -What are you looking at? I don't know. -Steady on course. All systems normal. It's not much different from Enterprise. When I was a guest aboard her some years ago, Captain Kirk kindly allowed me to memorize her technical manuals. And now, Mr. Chekov, let us review: You say you have no details of Project 'Genesis' ? -They're requesting visual communications, sir. Let them eat static. -Let them eat static. They're still running with shields down. -They're still running with shields down. Of course. We're one big happy fleet. Ah, Kirk, my old friend, do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold in space. -Careful: Not all at once. The engine room. Lock on target and prepare to fire. Locking phasers on target. -Sir -- our shields are dropping! Raise them -- -They won't -- Where's the over-ride?? -At them! At them! FIRE! FIRE! Why can't you? We can't fire, sir; they've damaged the photon controls and the warp drive. We must withdraw! -We can't fire, sir; they've damaged the photon controls and the warp drive. We must withdraw! No! -No! Sir, we must! We must repair the damage. Enterprise will wait; she's not going anywhere. -Well? Warp drive still inoperative. All other systems should be restored shortly. -Departing dark side, Regula. Visual -- -We'll lose them if they go in there. Rake her. -No sir! We have Genesis -- Whatever you want -- Full power damn you! -Tactical! Inoperative. -Inoperative. Raise the shields... -Yours... is... the superior... I shall avenge you -- -You still remember, Admiral. I cannot help but be touched. Of course, I remember you. What is the meaning of this attack? Where is the crew of the Reliant? -What is the meaning of this attack? Where is the crew of the Reliant? Surely I have made my meaning plain. I mean to avenge myself upon you, Admiral. I've deprived your ship of power and when I swing round I mean to deprive you of your life -- --- But I wanted you to know first who it was who had beaten you: I, Khan Noonian Singh, the eagle you attempted to cage forever. Khan, listen to me -- if its me you want, I'll have myself beamed aboard. All I ask is that you spare my crew. -Khan, listen to me -- if its me you want, I'll have myself beamed aboard. All I ask is that you spare my crew. That is a most intriguing offer. Typical, I must say of your sterling character. Let me think. -Genesis, what's that? Don't play with me, Kirk, my hand is on the phaser control -- -Don't play with me, Kirk, my hand is on the phaser control -- Give me some time to recall the data on our computers -- -Give me some time to recall the data on our computers -- I give you sixty seconds, Admiral. -Thirty seconds... ... to prevent an enemy from doing just what we're attempting; using our console to tap in a message, an order to lower Reliant's damn shields... -Khan, how do I know you'll keep your word? I've given you no word to keep, Admiral. In my judgment, you simply have no alternative. -I've given you no word to keep, Admiral. In my judgment, you simply have no alternative. I take your point. Stand by to receive our transmission. -Time's up, Admiral... Here it comes. Now, Spock. -Kirk! Kirk, you are still alive -- my old friend... Still, 'old friend.' You've managed to kill just about everyone else, but like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target. -Still, 'old friend.' You've managed to kill just about everyone else, but like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target. Perhaps I no longer need to try. -Goodbye, Admiral. Oh, and don't count on Enterprise. She can't move. My next act will be to blow her out of the heavens. KHAN! -I don't know you. But you. I never forget a face. Mister Chekov, isn't it? I never thought to see your face again. Chekov, who is this man? -You are in a position to demand nothing, sir. I, on the other hand, am in a position to grant nothing. What you see is all that remains of the ship's company and the crew of the Botany Bay, marooned here fifteen years ago by Captain James T. Kirk. Listen to me -- you men and women -- -Listen to me -- you men and women -- Save your strength, Captain, these people have sworn to live and die at my command two hundred years before you were born. Do you mean he... ... never told you the tale? To amuse you, Captain? Never told you how the Enterprise picked up the Botany Bay, lost in space from the year 1996, myself and the ship's company in cryogenic freeze? -Save your strength, Captain, these people have sworn to live and die at my command two hundred years before you were born. Do you mean he... ... never told you the tale? To amuse you, Captain? Never told you how the Enterprise picked up the Botany Bay, lost in space from the year 1996, myself and the ship's company in cryogenic freeze? I've never even met Admiral Kirk -- -I've never even met Admiral Kirk -- Admiral? He didn't tell you how Admiral Kirk sent seventy of us into exile on this barren sand heap with only the contents of these cargo bays to sustain us? -Captain... We're waiting. What's the delay? All is well, sir. You have the coordinates to beam up Genesis... -All is well, sir. You have the coordinates to beam up Genesis... First things first, Captain. Kill Admiral Kirk. -An emergency situation has arisen. By order of Starfleet Command, as of now, 1800 hours, I am assuming command of this vessel. Duty officer so note in the ship's log. Plot a new course: for Space Laboratory Regula I. Mr. Scott? Aye, sir. -Aye, sir. We'll be going to warp speed -- -We'll be going to warp speed -- Aye, sir -- -Scotty -- what's left? Just the batteries, sir. I can have auxiliary power in a few minutes -- -Just the batteries, sir. I can have auxiliary power in a few minutes -- We don't have minutes. Can you give me phaser power? -We don't have minutes. Can you give me phaser power? A few shots, sir. -Just barely, sir. I'm going down to the station. -I'll need ten minutes, sir, 'til the radiation dissipates. Uhura, send to Commander, Reliant: prepare to be boarded. -Uhura. Can't you augment? I'm trying, sir. Stand by... -She's not responding... Try the emergency channels... -Try the emergency channels... Enterprise to Reliant. Come in, Reliant. -Enterprise to Reliant. Come in, Reliant. Picture, Mr. Saavik. -I'm getting a voice message... wait ... short range band. They say their Chambers coil is shorting their COMM system. Spock? -Mr. Scott on discrete. Scotty, let's have it. -On screen. Admiral -- -Admiral -- Do it, while we have time. -... No response, sir. Sensors, Captain? -Saavik, for God's sake, tell her we're all right. I say again. This is Enterprise. Please acknowledge signal. Please -- -Enterprise to Reliant: you are ordered to surrender your vessel. Respond! Nothing, sir. We'll beam aboard. Alert transporter room -- -Mr. Scott, you old space dog. You're well? I had me a wee bout -- but Dr. McCoy pulled me through. -I had me a wee bout -- but Dr. McCoy pulled me through. Oh? A wee bout of what, Mr. Scott? -Midshipman, you're a tiger. My sister's youngest, Admiral. Crazy to get to space. -My sister's youngest, Admiral. Crazy to get to space. Every young boy's fancy. I seem to remember it myself. Very well. Mr. Scott, are your engines capable of handling a minor training cruise? -Every young boy's fancy. I seem to remember it myself. Very well. Mr. Scott, are your engines capable of handling a minor training cruise? Give the word, Admiral. -Give the word, Admiral. Mr. Scott, the word is given. -Mr. Scott, the word is given. Aye, sir. -WHY? He wants to kill me for passing sentence on him 14 years ago -- and he doesn't care who stands between him and his vengeance. -The energizer's bypassed like a Christmas tree -- so don't give me too many bumps. No promises, Mr. Scott. On your way. -Admiral, I've got to take the mains off the line. The energizer's shaken loose and I can't get in there to fix her -- radiation -- All right, we'll do the job with auxiliary power. -No, sir! You'll flood the whole compartment...! He'll die -- ! -If he hadn't, we'd be space by now. Admiral, this is Spock. -Yes, Spock. Engine room reports auxiliary power restored. We can proceed at impulse power. -Engine room reports auxiliary power restored. We can proceed at impulse power. Best speed to Regula I. Kirk out. Scotty, I've got to ask: Any chance of getting the mains back on the line? -Kirk to Enterprise. Damage report, Spock? Admiral, if we go by the book, like Lieutenant Saavik, hours could seem like days. -Admiral, if we go by the book, like Lieutenant Saavik, hours could seem like days. I read you, Captain. Let's have it. -Meaning you can't even beam us back? Not at present. -Spock, this is Kirk. It's two hours. Are you about ready? Right on schedule, Admiral. Just give us your coordinates and we'll beam you aboard. -And who is this? Midshipman First Class Peter Preston, engineers mate, SIR. -Your first training voyage, Mr. Preston? Yes, SIR. -Yes, SIR. I see. Well, shall we start with the engine room? -I believe you'll find everything shipshape, Admiral. Oh do you? Have you any idea, Midshipman Preston, how many times I've had to listen to Mr. Scott on the Comm, telling me his troubles? Have you any idea the ribbing I've had to endure in the officers' mess to the effect that the Enterprise is a flying death trap? -Oh do you? Have you any idea, Midshipman Preston, how many times I've had to listen to Mr. Scott on the Comm, telling me his troubles? Have you any idea the ribbing I've had to endure in the officers' mess to the effect that the Enterprise is a flying death trap? Oh, no, sir! This is the finest engine room in the whole Star -- -Is the word given? The word is given: warp speed. -The word is given: warp speed. Aye... -I assume you are loitering here to learn what efficiency rating I plan to give your cadets. I am understandably curious. -They destroyed the simulator room and you with it. The Kobayshi Maru scenario frequently wreaks havoc with students and equipment. As I recall you took the test three times yourself. Your final solution was, shall we say, unique? -The Kobayshi Maru scenario frequently wreaks havoc with students and equipment. As I recall you took the test three times yourself. Your final solution was, shall we say, unique? It had the virtue of never having been tried. -It had the virtue of never having been tried. Yours was not a solution which would have occurred to a Vulcan mentality. -Yours was not a solution which would have occurred to a Vulcan mentality. So you said at the time. Speaking of which, your prot‚g‚'s first rare -- a trifle emotional -- -So you said at the time. Speaking of which, your prot‚g‚'s first rare -- a trifle emotional -- She's half Romulan, Jim. The admixture makes her more volatile than -- me, for example. -She's half Romulan, Jim. The admixture makes her more volatile than -- me, for example. Than you. Yes, I see that. By the way, thank you for this. -I know of your fondness for antiques. 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...' Message, Spock? -'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...' Message, Spock? None of which I am consciously aware -- except, of course, happy birthday -- surely the best of times. -Hrummm... and where are you off to, now? The Enterprise. I must check in before your inspection. And you? -The Enterprise. I must check in before your inspection. And you? Home. -Permission to come aboard, Captain? Welcome aboard, Admiral. I believe you know my trainee crew. Certainly they have come to know you. -Welcome aboard, Admiral. I believe you know my trainee crew. Certainly they have come to know you. Yes, we've been through death and life together. -There's a first time for everything, Admiral. To be sure, Captain. -Something may be wrong at Regula I. We've been ordered to investigate. Regula I is a scientific research laboratory, if memory serves... -Regula I is a scientific research laboratory, if memory serves... I told Starfleet all we had was a boatload of children but we're the only ship in the quadrant. Spock: those cadets of yours -- how good are they? How will they respond under real pressure? -I told Starfleet all we had was a boatload of children but we're the only ship in the quadrant. Spock: those cadets of yours -- how good are they? How will they respond under real pressure? Like all living beings, Admiral each according to his gifts. The ship is yours. -Like all living beings, Admiral each according to his gifts. The ship is yours. That won't be necessary: just take me to Regula I. -That won't be necessary: just take me to Regula I. Excuse my presumption, but I do not agree. As a teacher on a training mission, I am content to command a Starship. If we are to go on actual duty, it is clear that the senior officer aboard must assume command. -Excuse my presumption, but I do not agree. As a teacher on a training mission, I am content to command a Starship. If we are to go on actual duty, it is clear that the senior officer aboard must assume command. But it may be nothing; garbled communications. Why don't you... -But it may be nothing; garbled communications. Why don't you... You proceed from a false assumption. I am a Vulcan. I have no ego to bruise. -You are going to remind me that logic alone dictates your actions. I was going to remind you of nothing, least of all that which you know well. Your mistake, if I may be so bold, was promotion. Commanding a Starship is your first best destiny. Anything else is a waste of material. -I was going to remind you of nothing, least of all that which you know well. Your mistake, if I may be so bold, was promotion. Commanding a Starship is your first best destiny. Anything else is a waste of material. I would not presume to debate you. -I would not presume to debate you. That is wise. In any case, were I to invoke logic, logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. -That is wise. In any case, were I to invoke logic, logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one. -Will you accompany me to the bridge? I'd best talk with Mr. Scott, first so that he may, in his own words, explain the situation to his cadets. -There are two possibilities, sir they are unwilling to respond, they are unable to respond. How far? -How far? Twelve hours and forty-three minutes, present speed. -Twelve hours and forty-three minutes, present speed. Give up Genesis, she said. What in God's name does that mean? Give it up to whom? -Give up Genesis, she said. What in God's name does that mean? Give it up to whom? It might help my analysis if I knew what Genesis was. -Carol Marcus -- Yes. -It literally is Genesis... The power of creation -- -The power of creation -- Have they proceeded with their experiments? -Have they proceeded with their experiments? The tape was made a year ago. I can only assume they've reached Phase Two by now -- -Gentlemen, this isn't -- Really, Dr. McCoy; you cannot ban the acquisition of knowledge because you distrust the moral implications of what you learn. Logic suggests -- -What's she doing here? Chekov's on Reliant, isn't he? -Is it possible their COMM system has failed -- ? It would explain a great many things -- -Their coil emissions are normal... Wait: their shields are going up. They're locking phasers -- ! Raise shields! Energize phasers, stand by to -- -They knew just where to hit us. WHO? Who knew just where to hit us? And why? -WHO? Who knew just where to hit us? And why? One thing is certain; we cannot escape on auxiliary power. -One thing is certain; we cannot escape on auxiliary power. Visual! Mr. Sulu, divert everything to the phasers -- -Visual! Mr. Sulu, divert everything to the phasers -- Too late -- -Not enough against their shields. Who the hell are they? -Admiral, you can't give him Genesis... At least we know he hasn't got it. Just keep nodding as though I'm giving orders. Saavik, punch up the data charts of Reliant's command console -- hurry... -The prefix code? It's all we've got. -You've got to learn WHY things work on a Starship. It's coming through now, Khan... The prefix code is 16309. All commands from each Starship bridge are relayed electronically; each ship has its own prefix combination code... -Let's hope he hasn't changed the combination. He's quite intelligent... Wait for my signal, Spock -- too soon and he'll have time to figure it out and raise them again. -Scanners and sensors still inoperative. There's no way to tell what's inside the station. And no way of knowing if Reliant is still in the area... -And no way of knowing if Reliant is still in the area... Affirmative, Admiral. -Affirmative, Admiral. ... Blind as a Tiberian Bat. What do you make of the plantoid beyond? -... Blind as a Tiberian Bat. What do you make of the plantoid beyond? "Regula is class ""D'. It consists of various remarkable ores. Essentially, a great rock in space." -"Regula is class ""D'. It consists of various remarkable ores. Essentially, a great rock in space." Reliant could be hiding behind that rock. -Reliant could be hiding behind that rock. A distinct possibility. -A distinct possibility. Engine room... Scotty, do we have enough power for the transporters? -All right, join the party. Mr. Spock, the ship is yours. Aye sir -- -Aye sir -- Establish a parking orbit around the station and send me a complete damage report when you've talked with Mr. Scott. -Establish a parking orbit around the station and send me a complete damage report when you've talked with Mr. Scott. Be careful, Jim... -What IS working around here? Not much, Admiral. We have partial main power... -Not much, Admiral. We have partial main power... That's it? -That's it? Best we could do in two hours. -Uh oh. She can out-run us and out-gun us. But there is the Mutara Nebula at 153 mark four. -She can out-run us and out-gun us. But there is the Mutara Nebula at 153 mark four. Scotty, can we make it inside? -I think we can guarantee she'll follow us, Mr. Saavik. Remind me to explain to you the concept of human ego. Best speed, Scotty... -Estimating nebula penetration in two minutes. Reliant is closing. Steady as you go... -Admiral, they're reducing speed. Uhura, patch me in -- -Sporadic energy readings port side, aft. Could be an impulse turn. He won't break off now. If he followed me this far he'll be back. But from where...? -He won't break off now. If he followed me this far he'll be back. But from where...? He's intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two dimensional thinking... -Spock! The ship -- out of danger? -The ship -- out of danger? Yes -- -... the good of the few... Or the one. -I never took the Kobayashi Maru test -- until now. What do you think of my solution? Spock...! -Spock...! I have been -- and always will be -- your friend... Live. Long. And. Prosper. -Kirk here. I have an urgent CommPic from Space Lab Regula I for the Admiral. Dr. Carol Marcus. -I have an urgent CommPic from Space Lab Regula I for the Admiral. Dr. Carol Marcus. In my quarters, Uhura. -In my quarters, Uhura. Yes, sir. -Uhura! What's happening? Damn it... Transmission jammed at the source, sir. -Transmission jammed at the source, sir. Damn. Alert Starfleet Headquarters. I want to talk with Starfleet Command. -Captain Spock, if you do not hear from us within one hour your orders are to restore what power you can, take the Enterprise to the nearest Star Base and alert Starfleet command when you are out of jamming range. Sir -- we won't leave you behind...! -Sir -- we won't leave you behind...! Uhura, if you don't hear from us, there won't be anybody behind. Kirk out. You gentleman can remain here, or... -Any suggestions, Admiral? Prayer, Mr. Saavik. The Klingons do not take prisoners. Captain. -Well, Mr. Saavik, are you going to stay with the sinking ship? Permission to speak candidly, sir? -Permission to speak candidly, sir? Very well. -Very well. I don't believe this was a fair test of my command capabilities. -I don't believe this was a fair test of my command capabilities. And why not? -And why not? Because... there was no way to win. -Because... there was no way to win. A no-win situation is a possibility every commander may face. Has that never occurred to you? -A no-win situation is a possibility every commander may face. Has that never occurred to you? ... No, sir. It has not. -... No, sir. It has not. How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life, wouldn't you say? -How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life, wouldn't you say? As I indicated, Admiral, that thought had not occurred to me. -As I indicated, Admiral, that thought had not occurred to me. Then you have something new to think about. Carry on. -Lieutenant, are you wearing your hair differently? It is still regulation, Admiral. -May I speak, sir? Lieutenant, self-expression does not seem to be one of your problems. -Lieutenant, self-expression does not seem to be one of your problems. I wish to thank you for the high efficiency rating. -I wish to thank you for the high efficiency rating. You earned it. -You earned it. I did not think so. -I did not think so. You're bothered by your performance on the Kobayashi Maru. -You're bothered by your performance on the Kobayashi Maru. I failed to resolve the situation. -I failed to resolve the situation. There is no correct resolution. It is a test of character. -There is no correct resolution. It is a test of character. May I ask how you dealt with the test? -May I ask how you dealt with the test? You may ask, Lieutenant. -That was a little joke. Humor... that is a difficult concept ... it is not logical... -Humor... that is a difficult concept ... it is not logical... We learn by doing, Lieutenant. -Yes. Take the test again. -This is damned peculiar. Yellow alert. Energize defense fields. -Khan! Who? -Reliant's command... HURRY. -On screen... We're finding it. Please, please -- you've got to give us time -- the bridge is smashed, computers inoperative... -Begging the Admiral's pardon: General Order 15: 'No flag officer shall beam into a hazardous area without armed escort.' There is no such regulation. -Indeterminate life signs. Phasers on stun. Move out. -That's true, Admiral. All the memory cells have been emptied. Erased... -It doesn't make sense. These coordinates are well within Regula -- a plantoid we know to be lifeless and airless. If Stage Two was completed, it was underground -- she said it was going to be underground. -If Stage Two was completed, it was underground -- she said it was going to be underground. Stage Two of what? -Admiral? As your teacher Mr. Spock is fond of saying: I like to think there always are possibilities. -What's on your mind, Lieutenant? The Kobayashi Maru, sir. -Are you asking me if we are playing out that scenario now, Lieutenant? On the test, sir, will you tell me what you did? I'd really like to know. -How? I reprogrammed the simulation so it was possible to rescue the ship. -I reprogrammed the simulation so it was possible to rescue the ship. WHAT? -WHAT? I changed the conditions of the test. I received a commendation for original thinking. I don't like to lose. -I changed the conditions of the test. I received a commendation for original thinking. I don't like to lose. Then -- you never faced that situation -- faced death... -But the damage report -- we were immobilized... Come, come, Lieutenant, you of all people go by the book. Hello, Spock. You remember Dr. Marcus... -Regulation 46-A: 'If transmissions are being monitored during battle...' '... no uncoded messages on an open channel...' -That was close -- They just don't want us going in there. -Hold your course. Look sharp... At what. -Mr. Saavik, all stop. All stop, sir. -All stop, sir. Descend ten thousand meters. Stand by photon torpedoes. -Cease fire. Look sharp. Power levels quite low, sir. -Power levels quite low, sir. Mr. Scott, can you get the mains back on line? -Saavik, get us out, best speed! Aye, sir. -Time from my mark... Two minutes, ten seconds. -Two minutes, ten seconds. Engine room! What's happening?! -Time! Three minutes, thirty seconds. -Three minutes, thirty seconds. Distance from Reliant... -After you dismiss the company, you will take the watch. Set course for Ceti Alpha V and we'll pick up survivors. Aye, sir. -Aye, sir. I'll be in my quarters if needed, but I would prefer... -I'll be in my quarters if needed, but I would prefer... Understood, sir. -Understood, sir. Dismiss the company. -Admiral on the bridge! As you were, Mr. Saavik. -As you were, Mr. Saavik. Aye, sir. On course to Ceti Alpha. All is well. -Aye, sir. On course to Ceti Alpha. All is well. Good, I believe you already know my, uh, son -- -Yes, well, why don't you show him around and... Aye, sir -- -I really must thank you. I am delighted; any chance to go aboard Enterprise, however briefly, is always an excuse for nostalgia. -I am delighted; any chance to go aboard Enterprise, however briefly, is always an excuse for nostalgia. I cut your new orders personally. By the end of the month, you'll have your first command: USS EXCELSIOR. -I cut your new orders personally. By the end of the month, you'll have your first command: USS EXCELSIOR. Thank you, sir. I've looked forward to this for a long time. -Thank you, sir. I've looked forward to this for a long time. You've earned it. But I'm still grateful to have you at the helm for three weeks. I don't believe these kids can steer. -Stop engines. Stop engines. -Course plotted for Regula I, Admiral... Engage warp engines -- -Reliant in our section this quadrant, sir, and slowing -- Visual. -Mr. Sulu... The shields! Trying, sir! -I can't get power, sir! Scotty! -Mr. Sulu, lock phasers on target and await my command... Phasers locked... -Sir, you did it. I did nothing -- except get caught with my britches down. I must be senile. Mr. Saavik, you just keep right on quoting regulations. Meantime, let's find out what the hell is going on and see how bad we've been -- -Approaching Regula and Space Lab Regula I. Try again. -Admiral on the bridge -- Battle stations. -Phaser lock inoperative, sir. Best guess, Mr. Sulu. Fire when ready. -Leaving Section Fourteen for Section Fifteen. Project parabolic course to avoid entering Neutral Zone. -Project parabolic course to avoid entering Neutral Zone. Aye, Captain. -May I remind the Captain that if a Starship enters the zone -- I'm aware of my responsibilities, Mister. -I'm aware of my responsibilities, Mister. ... Now entering the Neutral Zone... -Shields activated! Inform the Klingons we are on a rescue mission... -We're over our heads. Mr. Sulu, get us out of here. I'll try, Captain. -Aft thrusters, Mr. Sulu. Aft thrusters, sir. -We are clear and free to navigate. Course heading, Captain? -Prepare for warp speed. Ready, sir. -We commend the soul of our brother departed. We love we commit his body to the depths of space. Honors -- hup! -Fire all phasers...! No power to the weapons system, sir. -He's not what I expected, Sir. What did you expect, Lieutenant? -What did you expect, Lieutenant? He's very human. -He's very human. We can't all be perfect, Saavik. You must control your prejudices and remember that as a Vulcan as well as a Romulan you are forever a stranger in an alien land. Around you are humans, and as a member of the Starfleet you are unlikely ever to escape their presence or their influence. You must learn to tolerance in addition to all else I have taught you. Tolerance is logical. -Very well, Mr. Saavik, clear all moorings. Aye, sir. -All moorings are clear, Captain. Thank you, Mr. Saavik. -Lieutenant, how many times have you piloted a Starship out of Spacedock? Never, sir. -Take her out, Mr. Saavik. Aye, sir. -Sir, may I quote General Order 12: 'On the approach of any vessel, when communications have not been est -- Lieutenant, the Admiral is aware of the Regulations. -Lieutenant, the Admiral is aware of the Regulations. Aye, sir. -Certainly... By the book... -You lied. I exaggerated. -I do not understand the final question... You are half human. The Computer knows that. -You are half human. The Computer knows that. The question is irrelevant. -The question is irrelevant. Spock... The retraining of your mind has been in the Vulcan way, so you may not understand feelings. But as my son, you have them. They will surface. -Spock... The retraining of your mind has been in the Vulcan way, so you may not understand feelings. But as my son, you have them. They will surface. As you wish, since you deem them of value. But I cannot wait here to find them. -As you wish, since you deem them of value. But I cannot wait here to find them. Where must you go? -Where must you go? To Earth. To offer testimony. -To Earth. To offer testimony. You do this -- for friendship? -You do this -- for friendship? I do this because I was there, -I do this because I was there, Spock. Does the good of the many outweigh the good of the one...? -Spock. Does the good of the many outweigh the good of the one...? I would accept that as an axiom. -I would accept that as an axiom. Then you stand here alive because of a mistake -- made by your flawed, feeling, human friends. They have sacrificed their futures because they believed that the good of the one -- you -- was more important to them. -Then you stand here alive because of a mistake -- made by your flawed, feeling, human friends. They have sacrificed their futures because they believed that the good of the one -- you -- was more important to them. Humans make illogical decisions... -Humans make illogical decisions... ... They do, indeed. -Heard there was some excitement. Just a couple of kooks... -How're you doing? Fine. Just fine. -Fine. Just fine. Don't tell me fish stories, kiddo. I've known you too long. -Don't tell me fish stories, kiddo. I've known you too long. Bob... it's tearing me apart. -Bob... it's tearing me apart. I know. I feel the same thing. But we're between a rock and a hard place. We can't keep them without risking their lives and we can't let them go without a taking the same chance. -I know. I feel the same thing. But we're between a rock and a hard place. We can't keep them without risking their lives and we can't let them go without a taking the same chance. Yeah. -Yeah. And finally, they're not human beings, you know. Their intelligence has in no way been proven comparable to ours -- -And finally, they're not human beings, you know. Their intelligence has in no way been proven comparable to ours -- I don't know about you, but my compassion for someone is not limited to my estimate of their intelligence. I mean whales may not have painted the Mona Lisa or invented the dirt bike but they didn't ravish the land either. -Sorry if I spoke out of turn. Not at all. You gave me things to think about. You always do. You do sound a little wrecked, why don't you go home and stare at the ceiling? -Not at all. You gave me things to think about. You always do. You do sound a little wrecked, why don't you go home and stare at the ceiling? Why don't I? -You -- sent them away. Without even letting me say goodbye? Gillian -- -Professor Scott, I'm Dr. Nichols, plant manager. I'm terribly sorry but there's been an awful mix-up Would you believe I was never told about your visit? I tried to clear things up, Professor Scott. I explained you'd come all the way from Edinburgh on appointment to study manufacturing methods here at Plexico, but they don't seem to know anything about it. -Well, so much for the tour of our humble plant. I must say, Professor your knowledge of engineering is most impressive. Back home, we call him the miracle worker. -Back home, we call him the miracle worker. Indeed... May I offer you gentlemen anything? -He never jokes... Perhaps the professor could use your computer. Please... -No! No... What did you have in mind...? A moment alone, please. -You'd think they could at least send a ship. Bad enough to be court marshaled and spend the rest of our lives mining borite -- but to come home in this Klingon flea trap... We could learn a thing or two from this flea trap. It has a cloaking device that cost us a lot. -We could learn a thing or two from this flea trap. It has a cloaking device that cost us a lot. I just wish we could cloak the stench. -You sure this is such a bright idea? What do you mean? -What do you mean? I mean him, back at his post, like nothing happened. I don't know if you'd got the whole picture but he isn't exactly working on all thrusters. -I mean him, back at his post, like nothing happened. I don't know if you'd got the whole picture but he isn't exactly working on all thrusters. It'll come back to him. -It'll come back to him. Are you sure? That's what I thought. -Are you sure? That's what I thought. Mr. Sulu... Take us home... -Bones -- Dammit, Jim, they've made him into a goddam green-blooded computer! -Bones, stay here. No way -- somebody has to keep an eye on him! -Now wait just a damn minute. Spock, start your computations for time warp. Come on, Bones. Let's pay Scotty a visit. -You're really going to try this time travel in this rust bucket? We've done it before. -We've done it before. Sure, slingshot around the Sun. If you pick up enough speed you're in time warp. If you don't, you fry.. -Sure, slingshot around the Sun. If you pick up enough speed you're in time warp. If you don't, you fry.. Would you prefer to do nothing? -I prefer a dose of common sense. you are proposing to head backwards in time, find Humpback Whales, then bring them forward in time, drop them off - and hope they tell this Probe what to do with itself! -- That's the general idea. --- That's the general idea. That's crazy! -That's crazy! If you have a better idea - now's the time. -It doesn't look all that different. Let's hope so, Bones. Mr. Sulu, set us down in Golden Gate Park. -Oh, joy. Captain Spock and I will attempt to trace these whale songs to their source. -Jim, you've got to let me go in there! Don't leave him in the hands of Twentieth Century medicine. What do you think, Spock? -What did you say she was getting? Cramps. -An experimental device, doctor. Tearing of the middle meningeal artery... -Wake up, man, wake up! Come on, Pavel... -He's coming 'round, Jim... Pavel, can you hear me? Give me your name and rank... -Congratulations, Jim. I think you've saved the Earth. Not me, Bones... They did it. -Hi... Busy? Uhura is busy. I am monitoring. -Uhura is busy. I am monitoring. Umm. Well, just wanted to say -- nice to have your katra back in your head, not mine. I mean, I may have carried your soul, but I sure couldn't fill your shoes. -Umm. Well, just wanted to say -- nice to have your katra back in your head, not mine. I mean, I may have carried your soul, but I sure couldn't fill your shoes. ... My shoes... -... My shoes... Forget it... How 'bout covering a little philosophical ground? Life, Death, Life... Things of that nature? -Forget it... How 'bout covering a little philosophical ground? Life, Death, Life... Things of that nature? I did not have time on Vulcan to review the Philosophical disciplines. -I did not have time on Vulcan to review the Philosophical disciplines. Spock, it's me, Bones! I mean our experience was unique. You really have gone where no man has gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like? -Spock, it's me, Bones! I mean our experience was unique. You really have gone where no man has gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like? It would be impossible to discuss the subject without a common frame of reference. -It would be impossible to discuss the subject without a common frame of reference. You're joking...! -You're joking...! A joke is a story with a humorous climax. -A joke is a story with a humorous climax. You mean I have to die to discuss your insights on death? -You mean I have to die to discuss your insights on death? Pardon me, Doctor, I am hearing many calls of distress. -Most unusual. An unknown form of energy of great intelligence and power. I find it illogical that its intentions are hostile... "Really? You think this is its way of saying ""Hi there"" to the people of the Earth?" -"Really? You think this is its way of saying ""Hi there"" to the people of the Earth?" There are millions of other species on Earth, Doctor. Only human arrogance would assume the message was meant for man. -There are millions of other species on Earth, Doctor. Only human arrogance would assume the message was meant for man. I liked him better before he died. -Specifically, Humpback Whales. That's crazy! Who would send a probe hundreds of light years to talk to a whale? -10 million years earlier. Humpbacks were heavily hunted by Man. They have been extinct since the 21st Century... It is possible that an alien intelligence sent the probe to determine why they lost contact. ... My God... -You just said there aren't any except on Earth of the past. That is what I said, Doctor. -That is what I said, Doctor. Then how.? -Angels and ministers of grace, defend us. Hamlet, Act I scene 4. -You, ah... You present the appearance of a man with a problem. Your perception is correct, Doctor... In order to return us to the exact moment at which we left the 23rd Century, I have used our journey back through time as a referent, calculating the coefficient of elapsed time in relation to the acceleration curve. -Your perception is correct, Doctor... In order to return us to the exact moment at which we left the 23rd Century, I have used our journey back through time as a referent, calculating the coefficient of elapsed time in relation to the acceleration curve. Naturally. So what is your problem? -Naturally. So what is your problem? Acceleration is no longer a constant. -Acceleration is no longer a constant. Well, you're gonna have to take your best shot. -Well, you're gonna have to take your best shot. ... Best shot...? -... Best shot...? Guess, Spock. Your best guess. -Guess, Spock. Your best guess. """Guessing"" is not in my nature..." -"""Guessing"" is not in my nature..." Well nobody's perfect... -... I don't think he understands... "No, Spock. It means he feels safer about your ""guesses"" than most other peoples facts." -You're saying... It is a compliment. It is. -Who are you? Doctor Adams was supposed to assist me. We're just -- observing. -We're just -- observing. I was not informed about observers. -What the hell do you think you're doing? Reading the patient's vital signs. -What's your degree in, dentistry? How do you explain slowing pulse, low respiratory rate and coma? -How do you explain slowing pulse, low respiratory rate and coma? Fundoscopic examination -- -Fundoscopic examination -- Fundoscopic examination is unrevealing in these cases! -Fundoscopic examination is unrevealing in these cases! A simple evacuation of the expanding epidural hematoma will relieve the pressure. -A simple evacuation of the expanding epidural hematoma will relieve the pressure. My God, man, drilling holes in his head is not the answer. The artery must be repaired without delay or he will die! So put away your butcher knives and let me save the patient! -What's causing that!? Captain, their call is being carried on an amplification wave of enormous power! -Captain, their call is being carried on an amplification wave of enormous power! Can you isolate the wave? -Can you isolate the wave? Negative. It's impacting on all our systems! -Damage report! Captain... All systems have failed... We are functioning on reserve power only. -Captain... All systems have failed... We are functioning on reserve power only. We're out of control -- Rig for collision... -Find it? "Yes, under ""U.S. Government."" Now we need directions." -Team leader, this is team 2. Come in, please... I have the coordinates of the reactor... -I have the coordinates of the reactor... ... It gives me a great sense of history. -... It gives me a great sense of history. It gives me a great sense of danger. We have to beam in next to the reactor room, not in it. -How long? Depends on how much shielding is between us and the reactor. -All right, Commander, you wanna tell us anything? Like what? -Like what? Like who you really are and what you're doing here and what this thing is. -My name is Pavel Chekov. I am a Lt. Commander in Starfleet, United Federation of Planets, service number 656-5827b. All right. Let's take it from the top. -All right. Let's take it from the top. The top of what? -The top of what? Name? -Name? My name? -My name? No, my name. -No, my name. I do not know your name. -I do not know your name. You play games with me and you're through -You play games with me and you're through I am? May I go now? -Okay... Make nice and give us the ray gun. I varn you. If you don't lie on the floor, I vill have to stun you. -I varn you. If you don't lie on the floor, I vill have to stun you. Go ahead. Stun me. -Go ahead. Stun me. I'm wery sorry, but -- -Operational, Admiral. Cloaking Device now available in all modes of flight. I'm impressed, Mr. Chekov. A lot of effort for a short voyage. -I'm impressed, Mr. Chekov. A lot of effort for a short voyage. We are in an enemy wessel, sir. I didn't wish to be shot down on thee way to our own funeral. -We are in an enemy wessel, sir. I didn't wish to be shot down on thee way to our own funeral. Most prudent. Engine room. Report, Scotty. -No, sir. And no Federation wessels on assigned patrol stations. That's odd. Uhura, what's on the Comm channels...? -Shields, Mr. Chekov. Shields, aye. -Shields, aye. May fortune favor the foolish. Mr. Sulu, Warp Speed! -No choice now, Scotty! Sir, heat shields at maximum! -Yes, sir. Dr. McCoy, you, Mr. Scott and Commander Sulu will convert us a whale tank. -Ah, well done, team 2. And Admiral, it's the Enterprise. -And Admiral, it's the Enterprise. Understood. What is your plan? -Cloaking device is stable... All systems normal. Stabilize Energy Reserve!... Report helm: -The mains are down, sir! Aux power is not responding. Mr. Sulu, switch to manual control! -Status report, Admiral! Mr. President, the Probe has passed through all quadrants. The starships Shepard and Yorktown and three smaller vessels have been neutralized. -Mr. President, the Probe has passed through all quadrants. The starships Shepard and Yorktown and three smaller vessels have been neutralized. """Neutralized?"" How?" -"""Neutralized?"" How?" We don't know. It's using forms of energy our best scientists do not understand... -We don't know. It's using forms of energy our best scientists do not understand... Can you protect us? -Can you protect us? We are launching everything we have. -To hunt a species to extinction is not logical. Whoever said the human race was logical? Now if you'll follow me, I'll introduce you to the Institute's pride and joy. -Attempting the hell to communicate. Communicate? Communicate what? You have no right to be here! -They like you very much. But they are not the hell your whales. I suppose they told you that...? -I suppose they told you that...? The hell they did. -So you were at Berkeley. I was not. -Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor? You're not one of those guys from the military, are you? Trying to teach whales to retrieve torpedoes, or some dipshit stuff like that? -You sure you won't change your mind? Is there something wrong with the one I have? -You mean man... To put it mildly. Since the dawn of time, men have harvested whales for a variety of purposes, most of which can be achieved synthetically at this point. A hundred years ago, using hand-thrown harpoons, they did plenty of damage -- but that was nothing compared to what they've achieved in this century. -They are mature humpbacks, weighing 45,000 pounds each. They wandered into San Francisco Bay as calves and were brought here. We call them George and Gracie. It's perfect, Spock: a male, a female, together in a contained space can beam them up together and consider ourselves damn lucky... -Despite all the things they are teaching us we have to return George and Gracie to the open sea. Why's that? -Why's that? Well, for one thing, we simply don't have the money to keep feeding them a couple of tons of shrimp a day! -Well, for one thing, we simply don't have the money to keep feeding them a couple of tons of shrimp a day! How soon? -How soon? Soon... It's too bad because they're very friendly as you can see. I've grown quite attached to them... This way. -Ohhhkay. I don't know what this is about, but I want you guys outta here right now or I call the cops. I assure you that won't be necessary. We were only trying to help... -I assure you that won't be necessary. We were only trying to help... The hell you were, buster. Your friend was messing up my tank and messing up my whales... -Back to San Francisco. Came all the way down here to jump in and swim with the kiddies, huh? -Came all the way down here to jump in and swim with the kiddies, huh? There's really very little point in my trying to explain. -There's really very little point in my trying to explain. I buy that. What about him? -I buy that. What about him? He's harmless. Back in the sixties he was part of the Free Speech movement at Berkeley. I think he did too much LDS. -He's harmless. Back in the sixties he was part of the Free Speech movement at Berkeley. I think he did too much LDS. LDS?? Are you dyslexic on top of everything else? Come on, Lemme give you a lift. I have a notorious weakness for hard luck cases -- that's why I work with whales. -LDS?? Are you dyslexic on top of everything else? Come on, Lemme give you a lift. I have a notorious weakness for hard luck cases -- that's why I work with whales. We don't want to be any trouble. -We don't want to be any trouble. You've already been that. C'mon. -Thanks. Don't mention it. And don't try anything, either. I got a tire iron right where I can get at it. -Memory problems, too. Uh huh. What about you? Where you from? -Uh huh. What about you? Where you from? Iowa. -Iowa. A landlubber. Come on, what the hell were you boys really trying to do back there? Was it some kinda macho thing? If that's all, I'm gonna be real disappointed. I hate that macho type. -A landlubber. Come on, what the hell were you boys really trying to do back there? Was it some kinda macho thing? If that's all, I'm gonna be real disappointed. I hate that macho type. Can I ask you something? -Can I ask you something? Go ahead. -Go ahead. What's going to happen when you release the whales? -They're gonna hafta take their chances. What does that mean, exactly? Take their chances. -What does that mean, exactly? Take their chances. It means that they will be at risk from whale hunters -- same as the rest of the humpbacks. What did you mean when you said all that stuff back at the Institute about extinction? -No, ma'am. No dipshit. Well, that's something. I'da let you off right here. -All right. Who are you? and don't jerk me around any more. I want to know how you know that. We can't tell you. Please, just -- let me finish. I can tell you that we're not in the military and that we intend no harm to the whales. -We can't tell you. Please, just -- let me finish. I can tell you that we're not in the military and that we intend no harm to the whales. Then -- -Then -- In fact, we may be able to help -- in ways that, frankly, you couldn't possibly imagine. -In fact, we may be able to help -- in ways that, frankly, you couldn't possibly imagine. Or believe, I'll bet. -Or believe, I'll bet. Very likely. You're not exactly catching us at our best. -Just a little joke. See you later, old friend. How did you know Gracie's pregnant? Nobody knows that. -He's just going to hang around the bushes while we eat? It's his way. -Do you trust me? Implicitly. -Implicitly. Good. A large mushroom and pepperoni with extra onions. And a Michelob. -So how did a nice girl like you get to be a cetacean biologist? Just lucky, I guess. -Just lucky, I guess. You're upset about losing the whales. -You're upset about losing the whales. ... You're very perceptive. -... You're very perceptive. How will that be done, exactly? -How will that be done, exactly? They'll be flown in a special 747 to Alaska and released there. -They'll be flown in a special 747 to Alaska and released there. Flown... And that's the last you'll see of them? -Flown... And that's the last you'll see of them? See, yes. But we'll tag them with radio transmitters on a special frequency so we can keep tabs on them. -See, yes. But we'll tag them with radio transmitters on a special frequency so we can keep tabs on them. You know, I could take those whales somewhere they wouldn't be hunted. -You know, I could take those whales somewhere they wouldn't be hunted. You? You can't even get from Sausalito to San Francisco without a lift. -Thanks. Cheers. If you have such a low opinion of my abilities, how come we're having dinner? -If you have such a low opinion of my abilities, how come we're having dinner? I told you: I'm a sucker for hard luck cases. Besides, I want to know why you travel around with that ditzy guy who knows that Gracie is pregnant and calls you Admiral. -Where could you take them? Hm? -Hm? My whales? Where could you take them where they'd be safe? -My whales? Where could you take them where they'd be safe? It's not so much a matter of a place as of time. -It's not so much a matter of a place as of time. Sorry, the time would have to be right now. -Sorry, the time would have to be right now. What do you mean now? -What do you mean now? Let's just say that no humpback born in captivity has ever survived. Problem is, they won't be a whole lot safer at sea because of all the hunting this time of year... So that, as they say, is that. Damn. -What's that? What's what? -What's what? You got a pocket pager? What are you, a doctor? -Wanna try it from the top? Tell me when the whales are going to be released? -Tell me when the whales are going to be released? ... Who are you? -... Who are you? Who do you think I am? -Don't tell me: you're from outer space. No, I'm from Iowa. I just work in outer space. -No, I'm from Iowa. I just work in outer space. Well, I was close. I knew outer space was going to come into it sooner or later. -Well, I was close. I knew outer space was going to come into it sooner or later. All right. The truth? -All right. The truth? I'm all ears. -I'm all ears. That's what you think. Okay...Truth... I'm from what, on your calendar, would be the late 23rd Century. I've been sent back in time to bring two Humpback Whales with me in an attempt to... repopulate the species. -That's what you think. Okay...Truth... I'm from what, on your calendar, would be the late 23rd Century. I've been sent back in time to bring two Humpback Whales with me in an attempt to... repopulate the species. Well, why didn't you say so? Why all the coy disguises? -Well, why didn't you say so? Why all the coy disguises? You want the details? -You want the details? Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for all the tea in China. -Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for all the tea in China. Then tell me when the whales are leaving. -Then tell me when the whales are leaving. Jesus, you are persistent. Okay, your friend was right. Gracie is not only pregnant, she is very pregnant... At noon tomorrow -- in what is sure to be a media circus -- the whales get shipped out. -Jesus, you are persistent. Okay, your friend was right. Gracie is not only pregnant, she is very pregnant... At noon tomorrow -- in what is sure to be a media circus -- the whales get shipped out. Noon tomorrow...?! -"Well, ""Admiral,"" that may be the strangest dinner of my life and the biggest cockamamie fish story I've ever heard." You asked. Now, will you tell me something? George and Gracie's transmitter. What's the frequency? -Sorry, that's classified. I don't really have a clue who you are... You wouldn't want to show me around your space ship, would you? It wouldn't be my first choice, no. -It wouldn't be my first choice, no. So. There we are. -So. There we are. Lemme tell you something. I'm here to bring two humpbacks into the 23rd Century. If I have to, I'll go to the open sea to get them, but I'd just as soon take yours -- better for me, better for you... and better for them. -Lemme tell you something. I'm here to bring two humpbacks into the 23rd Century. If I have to, I'll go to the open sea to get them, but I'd just as soon take yours -- better for me, better for you... and better for them. I bet you're a damn good poker player. -I bet you're a damn good poker player. Think about it -- but don't take too long because I'm out of time. If you change your mind, this is where I'll be. -Think about it -- but don't take too long because I'm out of time. If you change your mind, this is where I'll be. Here... In the park? -Here... In the park? Right. -It's true... what you said... Yes... And I'm glad you're here. Though I'll admit, you picked a hellova time to drop in... -Steady, now. We need your help. Have I flipped out? ... Is any of this real? -Have I flipped out? ... Is any of this real? It's all real. Look. The storage tanks for the whales. -It's all real. Look. The storage tanks for the whales. But Kirk... -But Kirk... We'll bring them up just like we brought you. It's called a transporter beam... -We'll bring them up just like we brought you. It's called a transporter beam... Kirk. They're gone. -Kirk. They're gone. ... Gone?! -... Gone?! They were taken last night. I wasn't told. They're in Alaska by now. -They were taken last night. I wasn't told. They're in Alaska by now. ... Damn! -What kind of spaceship is this, anyway? A spaceship with a missing man. -If we keep going up, they'll catch us! Calm yourself, Nurse. Scotty, get us out of here! -Gillian... Would the whales be at sea by now? Yes... If you have a chart on board, I can show you. -Yes... If you have a chart on board, I can show you. All I need is the radio frequency to track them. -All I need is the radio frequency to track them. What are you talking about? I'm coming with you. -What are you talking about? I'm coming with you. You can't. Our next stop is the 23rd Century. -You can't. Our next stop is the 23rd Century. What do I care? I've got nobody but those whales... -What do I care? I've got nobody but those whales... I have no time to argue, Gillian. Or even tell you how much you've meant to us... The frequency. -I have no time to argue, Gillian. Or even tell you how much you've meant to us... The frequency. All right. The frequency is 401 megahertz. -All right. The frequency is 401 megahertz. Thank you. For everything. Beam me up, Scotty. -You tricked me. You need me. -Oh my God, we're too late! Mr. Sulu: full power descent! -... What does that mean? He means our chances of getting home are not very good. You might have lived a longer life if you'd stayed where you belong. -He means our chances of getting home are not very good. You might have lived a longer life if you'd stayed where you belong. I belong here. Suppose by some miracle you do get them through. Who in the 23rd Century knows anything about Humpback whales? -I belong here. Suppose by some miracle you do get them through. Who in the 23rd Century knows anything about Humpback whales? ... You have a point... -Hey! -- Where you going?! You're going to your ship, I'm going to mine. Science Vessel. I've got 300 years of catch-up learning to do. -You're going to your ship, I'm going to mine. Science Vessel. I've got 300 years of catch-up learning to do. You mean this is -- goodbye? -You mean this is -- goodbye? Why does it have to be goodbye? -Why does it have to be goodbye? Well, I... As they say in your century -- I don't even have your phone number. How will I find you? -Well, I... As they say in your century -- I don't even have your phone number. How will I find you? Don't worry. I'll find you. See you around the galaxy... -Permission to come aboard. Permission granted. -Permission granted. Thank you, Admiral. -Thank you, Admiral. Jim, Spock, Jim. Remember...? -Jim, Spock, Jim. Remember...? It would be improper to refer to you as Jim while you are in command, Admiral... Also, I must apologize for my attire. I seem to have misplaced my uniform. -It would be improper to refer to you as Jim while you are in command, Admiral... Also, I must apologize for my attire. I seem to have misplaced my uniform. Well, I... find that understandable I mean, you've been through a lot. Station, please. -Spock -- you're suggesting the transmission is meant for life form other than man? A distinct possibility, Admiral. The President did say the transmission was directed at the Earth's Oceans -A distinct possibility, Admiral. The President did say the transmission was directed at the Earth's Oceans Uhura... Can you modify the Probe's signals by accounting for density temperature and salinity factors? -Where are you going?! To the on-board computer room. To confirm my suspicion. -Spock...? As suspected, the Probe's transmissions are the songs sung by whales. -As suspected, the Probe's transmissions are the songs sung by whales. Whales? -Spock, could the Humpback's answer to this call be simulated? The sounds, but not the language. We would be responding in gibberish. -The sounds, but not the language. We would be responding in gibberish. Is there any other planet where this species exists? -Is there any other planet where this species exists? The Humpback was indigenous to Earth. Earth of the past. -The Humpback was indigenous to Earth. Earth of the past. That leaves us no choice. We must destroy the probe before it destroys Earth. -That leaves us no choice. We must destroy the probe before it destroys Earth. That would be futile, Admiral. The probe would neutralize us easily. -That would be futile, Admiral. The probe would neutralize us easily. But we can't turn away! Is there no alternative? -But we can't turn away! Is there no alternative? There is one, but I cannot guarantee its success. We could attempt to find some Humpback Whales. -Mr. Spock, your computations? In progress, Admiral. -In progress, Admiral. Uhura. Get me through to Starfleet Command. -Ready to engage computer, Admiral. What is our target in time? -What is our target in time? The late 20th Century. -The late 20th Century. Surely you can be more specific... -Surely you can be more specific... Not with this equipment. I have had to program some of the variables from memory. -Not with this equipment. I have had to program some of the variables from memory. What are the variables...? -What are the variables...? Availability of fuel components; Mass of the vessel through a time continuum, and the probable location of Humpbacks, in this case, the Pacific basin. -Availability of fuel components; Mass of the vessel through a time continuum, and the probable location of Humpbacks, in this case, the Pacific basin. You've programmed that from memory...? -You've programmed that from memory...? I have. -Earth... But when?... Spock? Judging by the pollution content of the atmosphere, I believe we have arrived at the late 20th Century. -Judging by the pollution content of the atmosphere, I believe we have arrived at the late 20th Century. Well done, Mr. Spock. -Home in on the strongest signal. Descend from orbit. Admiral, if I may: we're probably already visible to the tracking devices of the time. -Admiral, if I may: we're probably already visible to the tracking devices of the time. Quite right, Spock. Mr. Chekov, engage cloaking device! -There is a 20th Century possibility. Explain. -Explain. If memory serves, there was a dubious flirtation with nuclear fission reactors resulting in toxic side effects. By the beginning of the fusion era, these reactors had been replaced, but at this time, we should be able to find some. -If memory serves, there was a dubious flirtation with nuclear fission reactors resulting in toxic side effects. By the beginning of the fusion era, these reactors had been replaced, but at this time, we should be able to find some. But you said toxic. -But you said toxic. We could rig a device to collect their high energy photons safely; we could then inject the photons into the dilithium chamber, causing crystalline restructure.... Theoretically. -We could rig a device to collect their high energy photons safely; we could then inject the photons into the dilithium chamber, causing crystalline restructure.... Theoretically. Where would we find these reactors... Theoretically. -Where would we find these reactors... Theoretically. Nuclear power was widely used in naval vessels... -Weren't those a birthday present from Dr. McCoy? And they will be again, Spock. That's the beauty of it. How much? -Well, Spock, thanks to your restored memory and a little bit of luck, we are in the streets of San Francisco looking for a pair of humpback whales. How do you propose to solve this minor problem? Simple logic will suffice. We need a map. That one should do. -I think we'll find what we're looking for at the Cetacean Institute in Sausalito. Two Humpbacks called George and Gracie. How do you know this...? -How do you know this...? ... Simple logic. -As you observed, a primitive Culture. Yes. -Yes. Admiral, may I ask you a question? -Admiral, may I ask you a question? Spock, don't call me Admiral. Don't you remember: you used to call me Jim... Now what's your question? -Spock, don't call me Admiral. Don't you remember: you used to call me Jim... Now what's your question? "Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with -- shall I say -- more colorful metaphors: ""Double dumb ass on you"" -- and so forth..." -"Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with -- shall I say -- more colorful metaphors: ""Double dumb ass on you"" -- and so forth..." You mean profanity. That's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you if you don't swear every other word. You'll find it in all the literature of the period. -You mean profanity. That's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you if you don't swear every other word. You'll find it in all the literature of the period. For example? -Oh, the complete works of Jacqueline Susan, the novels of Harold Robbins.... Ah... The giants. -Come on, fellah -- speak up! Admiral, if we were to assume these. whales are ours to do with as we please, we would be as guilty as those who caused their extinction. -Spock... Yes? -Yes? About those colorful metaphors we discussed. I don't think you should try to use them. -About those colorful metaphors we discussed. I don't think you should try to use them. Why not? -Why not? Well, for one thing, you haven't quite got the hang of it. -Well, for one thing, you haven't quite got the hang of it. I see. -I see. And another thing... It is not always necessary to tell the truth. -And another thing... It is not always necessary to tell the truth. I cannot tell a lie. -I cannot tell a lie. You don't have to lie... You could exaggerate. -You don't have to lie... You could exaggerate. Exaggerate. -Exaggerate. You've done it before. Can't you remember? -You've done it before. Can't you remember? The hell I can't -The hell I can't What else did you learn from your mind meld? -What else did you learn from your mind meld? They are very unhappy about the way their species has been treated by man. -They are very unhappy about the way their species has been treated by man. They have a right to be... Do you think they'll help us? -They have a right to be... Do you think they'll help us? I believe I was successful in communicating our intentions. -I believe I was successful in communicating our intentions. ... I see. -It's her -- from the Institute. If we play our cards right, we may learn when those whales are really leaving. How will playing cards help? -I meant -- He meant what you were saying on the tour: that if things keep on the way they're going, humpbacks will disappear forever. -Status? The tank will be finished by morning... -The tank will be finished by morning... That's cutting it closer than you know. What about team two? -That's cutting it closer than you know. What about team two? No word since beam-in. We can only wait for their call. -No word since beam-in. We can only wait for their call. Damn.... Damnit! We've been so lucky. We have the two perfect whales in our hands, but if we don't move quickly, we'll lose them! -Damn.... Damnit! We've been so lucky. We have the two perfect whales in our hands, but if we don't move quickly, we'll lose them! In that event, the probabilities are that our mission would fail. -In that event, the probabilities are that our mission would fail. Our mission! Goddam it, Spock, you're talking about the end of every life on Earth! You're half human, haven't you got any goddamned feelings about that!! -Admiral. Full power is restored. Thank you, Spock. -Admiral, may I suggest that Dr. McCoy is correct. We must help Chekov. Is that the logical thing to do, Spock...? -Is that the logical thing to do, Spock...? No, Admiral... But is the human thing to do. -No, Admiral... But is the human thing to do. Right. Will you help us? -Mr. Spock, where the hell is the power you promised me? Admiral, you must wait one damn minute. -Mr. Sulu, take the con. I'm taking our guest down to see her whales. Mr. Spock: have you accounted for the variable mass of whales and water in your time re-entry program? Mr. Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral. So I will... Make a guess. -Mr. Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral. So I will... Make a guess. You? Spock, that's extraordinary. -Can we make breakaway speed!? Hardly, Admiral, I cannot even guarantee we will escape the Sun's gravity! I will attempt to compensate by altering our trajectory. -Spock... Did braking thrusters fire? They did, Admiral. -They did, Admiral. Then... Where the hell are we? -Spock: Condition report! No data, Admiral. Computers are non-functional. -You got us to the right place, Spock. Now all we have to do is get the whales out before we sink. Mr. Scott, come in!... Scotty...?! Damn... Mr. Spock, see to the safety of all hands. I will, Admiral. -Guidance is functional. Onboard Computer will interface with Federation memory bank... Weapons systems? -Estimating Planet Earth one point six hours present speed. Continue on course. Chekov, any signs of Federation escort? -Warp two... three... Steady as she goes... -Warp Nine... Nine point two... Nine point three... Mr. Sulu, we need breakaway speed! -Mr. Sulu, we need breakaway speed! Hang on, sir... Nine point seven... point eight... Breakaway threshold... -Hang on, sir... Nine point seven... point eight... Breakaway threshold... Steady!!... Now, Mr. Sulu! -Mr. Sulu...? ... Mr. Sulu?! ... Aye sir...? -... Aye sir...? What is our condition? -What is our condition? Sir... Braking thrusters seem to have fired. -Sir... Braking thrusters seem to have fired. Picture, please. -Aye, sir. Descending. We'll divide into teams. Commanders Chekov and Uhura are assigned to the Uranium problem. -Ready sir. Go, Mr. Sulu. -Maintaining impulse climb. Wing five by zero, helm steady. Advise reaching 10,000. Steer three-one-zero. -Advise reaching 10,000. Steer three-one-zero. Three-one-zero, aye! -Three-one-zero, aye! Uhura, scan for the whales. 401 megahertz! -10,000 M.S.L., Admiral. Wing to cruise configuration... Full impulse power. -Wing to cruise configuration... Full impulse power. Aye, sir... Three-one-zero to the Bering Sea. E.T.A.: 12 minutes. -10 seconds, sir! Hover on my mark, Mr. Sulu! Mr. Chekov, stand by de-cloaking -- Scotty, ready for power build up! Mark, Mr. Sulu... -I have no control, sir! Picture, Uhura! -Sir -- I've got some back pressure on manual -- Ground cushion! Keep the nose up if you can -- -Let's see what she's got, Mr. Sulu. Aye, sir! -Systems report. Communications? Communications Systems ready. Communications Officer -- ready as she'll ever be. -Communications Systems ready. Communications Officer -- ready as she'll ever be. Mr. Sulu? -What is it? Overlapping distress calls. Some from Starships... others... -Overlapping distress calls. Some from Starships... others... On screen! -Then, this is what it would sound like underwater? Yes, sir. -Admiral, I am receiving whale songs. On speakers. -Individual whale song getting stronger... This is strange, Admiral. The song is directly ahead. It's coming from San Francisco. From a city? That doesn't make sense.... -I'll have bearing and distance for you, sir. Right. Now look: I want you all to be very careful. This is terra incognita. Many customs will doubtless take us by surprise. It's a forgone conclusion these people have never seen an extra-terrestrial before. -We'll stick together till we get orientated. Bearing to the whales? 283 degrees... 15.2 kilometers... -283 degrees... 15.2 kilometers... Everyone remember where we parked. -Any luck...? Nothing... I should never have left him... -Nothing... I should never have left him... Uhura, you did what was necessary. Keep trying. You'll find him... -I've found Chekov, sir: he's in emergency surgery right now. Uhura!... Where! -Uhura!... Where! Mercy Hospital. -Bearing! Bearing 327, range 600 nautical. -Bearing 327, range 600 nautical. Put them on screen! -Admiral, I have a signal closing on the whales. Bearing 328 degrees. On screen. -Estimate range, ship to whales! Sir... Estimating one nautical mile. -Unidentified aircraft, 40,000 feet MSL, range 30 miles, bearing 010. Mr. Scott -- how soon? -I can't, sir -- Nothing! Out of control, and blind as a bat! -Mr. Scott, how soon can we get underway? Give me one more day, sir. The damage control is easy. Reading Klingon is hard. -We're ready, sir. I've converted the Dilithium Sequencer to something less primitive. And Admiral -- I've replaced the Klingon Food Packs. They was givin' me sour stomach. Appreciated by all, Mr. Scott. Prepare for departure. -Scotty, how long is this bay? About 60 feet, Admiral. -About 60 feet, Admiral. That should be enough. Can you enclose it to hold water? -That should be enough. Can you enclose it to hold water? I suppose I can, sir; are you planning to take a swim? -Scotty, we have to find some Humpbacks. Humpbacked - people.? -Humpbacked - people.? Whales, Scotty. 45 to 50 feet long; about 40 tons a piece. -Whales, Scotty. 45 to 50 feet long; about 40 tons a piece. Admiral - how am I going to handle all that weight? -Admiral - how am I going to handle all that weight? You'll work it out, Scotty. And remember: two of them. -You'll work it out, Scotty. And remember: two of them. Two? -Two? It takes two to tango, Mr. Scott. -They're giving out. De-crystallizing. Give me a round figure, Mr. Scott. -Give me a round figure, Mr. Scott. Oh, twenty-four hours, give or take, staying cloaked. After that, Admiral, we'll be visible -- and dead in the water. In any case, we won't have enough to break out of the Earth's gravity, to say nothing of getting back home. -I can't believe we've come this far only to be stopped by this! Scotty, is there any way dilithium can be re-crystallized? Sorry, sir. We can't even do that in the 23rd Century. -What is it? I thought I told you never to call me -- Sorry, Admiral. We just thought you'll like to know, we're beaming them now. -Sorry, Admiral. We just thought you'll like to know, we're beaming them now. Oh I see -- Tell Them phasers on stun. Good luck. Kirk out. -It's going slow, sir. It'll be well into tomorrow. Not good enough, Scotty. You've got to do better! -Not good enough, Scotty. You've got to do better! I'll try, sir. Scott out. Well now, he's got himself in a bit of a snit, don't he. -I'm ready Spock. Let's go find George and Gracie... Mr. Sulu? -Scotty: Are the whale tanks secure? Aye. But I've never beamed up 400 tons before. -Stay with me, sir -- I need more power curve... How long, Scotty? -How long, Scotty? 10 seconds, Admiral; 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1. -Admiral! There be whales here! Well done, Mr. Scott. How soon can we be ready for warp speed? -Well done, Mr. Scott. How soon can we be ready for warp speed? I'll have to re-energize. -I'll have to re-energize. Don't take too long. We're sitting ducks for their radar systems... Mr. Sulu, impulse climb. -Stand by, sir. Miracle worker at work... Mr. Scott, don't make jokes, we are in danger of - -Mr. Scott, don't make jokes, we are in danger of - Full power, sir. -Full power, sir. Mr. Sulu, if you please. -Ironic. When man was killing these creatures, he was destroying his own future... The beasties seem happy to see you, Doctor. I hope you like our little aquarium. -You better get up there, sir. We're having some power fall-off... On my way...! -The whales...?! No power to the bay doors. -No power to the bay doors. The explosive override -- ? -The explosive override -- ? It's under water! There's no way to reach it... -It's under water! There's no way to reach it... Go on ahead... Close the hatch! -Go on ahead... Close the hatch! Admiral, you'll be trapped! -Excelsior? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts? Scotty, don't prejudge. A ship is a ship. -Admiral, I'd like to continue my work on the ship until you leave. Thank you, Lt. Saavik. -Thank you, Lt. Saavik. And... Here is a deposition I have made. If it is not sufficient, I will return to Earth to testify. -And... Here is a deposition I have made. If it is not sufficient, I will return to Earth to testify. Don't concern yourself, Saavik. Your leave has been granted for good and proper cause. How are you feeling? -Don't concern yourself, Saavik. Your leave has been granted for good and proper cause. How are you feeling? I am well, Admiral. -I am well, Admiral. You will be in good hands here. -Well, Saavik. I guess this is goodbye. Yes, Admiral. Sir. I have not had the opportunity to tell you about your son. David died most bravely. He saved Spock. He saved us all... I thought you should know. -"Even as the Federation negotiated a peace treaty with us, Kirk was secretly developing the Genesis torpedo! Conceived by Kirk's son and test detonated by the Admiral himself! The result of this awesome energy was euphemistically called ""The Genesis Planet..."" A secret base from which to launch the. annihilation of the Klingon people! We demand the extradition of Kirk! We demand justice!" Klingon justice is a unique point of view, Mr. President. -Genesis was perfectly named: The creation of life not death. It was the Klingons who had first blood while trying to possess its secrets. Vulcans are well known as the intellectual puppets of the Federation! -Vulcans are well known as the intellectual puppets of the Federation! Your vessel did destroy U.S.S. Grissom. Your men did kill Kirk's son. Do you deny these events? -Your vessel did destroy U.S.S. Grissom. Your men did kill Kirk's son. Do you deny these events? We deny nothing! We have the right to preserve our race! -We deny nothing! We have the right to preserve our race! Do you have the right to murder? -Don't know anything about it? I find it difficult to believe that I've come millions of miles -- Millions? -Professor Scott, if you'll -- I demand to see the owners! I demand -- -With pleasure. Well, that's different. -Well, that's different. If you'll follow me, Professor -- -If you'll follow me, Professor -- I will. Can my assistant come, too? -I will. Can my assistant come, too? Of course. -Doctor Nichols, I might have something to offer you. ... Yes? -... Yes? I notice you're still working with polymers. -I notice you're still working with polymers. Sill? What else would I be working with? -Sill? What else would I be working with? Ah, what else indeed? Let me put it another way: how thick would a piece of your plexiglass need to be at 60 feet by 10 feet to withstand the pressure of 18,000 cubic feet of water? -Ah, what else indeed? Let me put it another way: how thick would a piece of your plexiglass need to be at 60 feet by 10 feet to withstand the pressure of 18,000 cubic feet of water? That's easy: 6 inches. We carry stuff that big in stock. -That's easy: 6 inches. We carry stuff that big in stock. Yes, I noticed. Now suppose -- just suppose -- I could show you a way to manufacture a wall that would do the same job but was only an inch thick. would that be worth something to you, eh? -Yes, I noticed. Now suppose -- just suppose -- I could show you a way to manufacture a wall that would do the same job but was only an inch thick. would that be worth something to you, eh? ... Are you joking? -Hello? Computer...? Just use the keyboard... -Just use the keyboard... The keyboard... How quaint. -Transparent aluminum? That's the ticket, laddie. -That's the ticket, laddie. ... But it would take years just to figure out the dynamics of this matrix...! -Hi. Hi. Huey 205, isn't it? -Hi. Huey 205, isn't it? Right on. You fly? -Right on. You fly? Oh, here and there. I flew something similar in my Academy days. -Oh, here and there. I flew something similar in my Academy days. All right, then this is old stuff to you. -All right, then this is old stuff to you. Old, yes. But interesting. Do you mind if I ask a few questions...? -Father...? I will be returning to Vulcan within the hour... I wanted to take my leave of you. -I will be returning to Vulcan within the hour... I wanted to take my leave of you. It is kind of you to make this effort. -It is kind of you to make this effort. It is not an effort. You are my son. Besides; I am most impressed with your performance in this -- crises. -It is not an effort. You are my son. Besides; I am most impressed with your performance in this -- crises. Most kind, Father. -As I recall, I opposed your enlistment in Starfleet... It is possible that judgment was incorrect. Your associates are people of good character. They are my friends. -They are my friends. Yes, of course... Do you have any message for your mother? -Yes, of course... Do you have any message for your mother? Tell her I feel fine... -Ojichan? Akira ojichaan dewa naino? Koko de nani shiteru no? Gomen nasarei. Hito chigai de gozaranuka na. I'm sorry, my son. You have mis- taken me for someone else. -Gomen nasarei. Hito chigai de gozaranuka na. I'm sorry, my son. You have mis- taken me for someone else. Ah, chigaau hito da. Hanashi kata ga okashii. Yes, this must be true. You talk funny. -Chotto omachi nasarei. Namae wa nanto moosareruka na. Wait my son. What is your name? Sulu Hikaru. -Sulu Hikaru. Ah, sorenara mazu mazu nagaiki wo sareru to mira. Ah... Then I am sure that you will have a long and happy life. -Ah, sorenara mazu mazu nagaiki wo sareru to mira. Ah... Then I am sure that you will have a long and happy life. Arigato. Sayonara. Thank you, honorable sir. -We were under the impression they were being held against their will. It's not our custom to have guests here at all, let alone hold anyone against their will. -My people have a strict policy of non-interference with other cultures. In fact, it's our Prime Directive. Your directive apparently doesn't include spying on other cultures. -Your directive apparently doesn't include spying on other cultures. If I were in your shoes, I'd feel the same way after what happened. The 'artificial lifeform' is a member of my crew. Apparently, he became... ill... -You have warp capability? Capability, yes. But where can warp drive take us, except away from here...? -I understand how you feel. We just want to retrace Data's movements that day... Why? -Why? I don't like to leave questions unanswered. -I don't like to leave questions unanswered. Then you must spend your life answering questions. -I know what a hologram is, Captain. The question is -- why would someone want to create one of our village? Data, if you were following the boy and discovered this ship... -Deceive us? To move you off this planet. You go to sleep one night in your village... wake up the next morning in this flying holodeck transported en masse. A week later, maybe a month, you've been relocated on a similar planet without ever realizing it. -Don't panic... I've been shot at... thrown into the lake out of an invisible ship that's come to abduct us all... what's there to panic about? -There's an unusual metaphasic radiation coming from the planet's rings. It continuously regenerates the cells in our bodies. You must have noticed the effects by now. We've... just begun to. I suppose you're seventy-five. -Clearly, the architects of this conspiracy have tried to keep it a secret. Not just from you, but from my people as well. I don't intend to let them. We've always known that to survive, we had to remain apart. It hasn't been easy. Many of the young people here want to know more about the offland... they're attracted to stories of a faster pace of life... -We've always known that to survive, we had to remain apart. It hasn't been easy. Many of the young people here want to know more about the offland... they're attracted to stories of a faster pace of life... Most of my people who live that faster pace would sell their souls to slow it down. -Most of my people who live that faster pace would sell their souls to slow it down. But not you. -But not you. There are days. -There are days. You don't live up to your reputation as an offlander, Picard. -You don't live up to your reputation as an offlander, Picard. In defense of offlanders, there are many more like me... -In defense of offlanders, there are many more like me... ... who wouldn't be tempted by the promise of perpetual youth? I don't think so. -... who wouldn't be tempted by the promise of perpetual youth? I don't think so. You give me more credit than I deserve. Of course, I'm tempted. Who wouldn't be? But some of the blackest marks in the history of my world have involved the forced relocation of a small group of people to satisfy the demands of a larger one. I'd like to believe we learn from our mistakes. Obviously, some of us haven't. -The craftsmanship is extraordinary. This is a school... that's a student's work. She'll be ready to become an apprentice soon. Then, in thirty or forty years, she'll take her place among the artisans... -This is a school... that's a student's work. She'll be ready to become an apprentice soon. Then, in thirty or forty years, she'll take her place among the artisans... An apprentice for thirty years. We've noticed your people's mental discipline. Did that develop here? -An apprentice for thirty years. We've noticed your people's mental discipline. Did that develop here? More questions. Always the explorer. If you stay long enough, that'll change. -More questions. Always the explorer. If you stay long enough, that'll change. Will it? -Will it? You'll stop reviewing what happened yesterday... stop planning for tomorrow... until you find... Let me ask you a question -- have you ever experienced a perfect moment in time? -You'll stop reviewing what happened yesterday... stop planning for tomorrow... until you find... Let me ask you a question -- have you ever experienced a perfect moment in time? A perfect moment? -A perfect moment? When time seemed to stop... and you could almost live in that moment... -When time seemed to stop... and you could almost live in that moment... Seeing my home planet from space for the first time... -Seeing my home planet from space for the first time... Yes. Exactly. Nothing more complicated than perception. You explore the universe. We've discovered a single moment in time can be a universe in itself... full of powerful forces... most people aren't aware enough of the now... to ever notice them... -Yes. Exactly. Nothing more complicated than perception. You explore the universe. We've discovered a single moment in time can be a universe in itself... full of powerful forces... most people aren't aware enough of the now... to ever notice them... I wish I could spare a few centuries to learn. -I wish I could spare a few centuries to learn. It took us centuries to learn that it doesn't have to take centuries to learn. -There's one thing I don't understand. In three hundred years...you never learned to swim? I just... haven't gotten around to it yet. -I wonder if you're aware of the trust you endanger, Jean-Luc Picard. In my experience, it's unusual for... ... an offlander? -... an offlander? For someone so young. -When we're forced away by the terrain, we'll use transport inhibitors to compensate. The mountains have the highest concentrations. Once we're there, transport will be virtually impossible... There are caves in those mountains. -There are caves in those mountains. We can hold them off a long time... once we get there... But they will not make it easy to get there... -Jak'tahla? Roughly translated: puberty... although for a Klingon that's not doing it justice... Any severe mood swings, unusual aggressive tendencies -- be sure to let me know right away... -Right beyond that ridge is where the caves begin... we can hide for days... By now the Son'a have scanned the area and know that just as well as we do. -"How is it a woman like you never married? And don't tell me you ""just haven't gotten around to it yet""..." What's the rush? -What's the rush? I should warn you... I've always been attracted to older women... -There's a cavern at the base of the next hill... This way! -You're Ro'tin, aren't you...? There's something in the voice. Would you be his friend Gal'na? I helped your mother bathe you when you were a child. She still speaks of you. You've brought the Federation into the middle of a blood feud, Admiral. The children have returned to expel their elders... just as they were once expelled. Except Ru'afo's need for revenge has now escalated to parricide. -Mother and son. You arranged this...? I thought it might begin the healing process. -But I have three hundred and eighteen days of vacation time coming. I plan on using them. I'll be here. -Do you really think your mighty Federation would be interested in protecting six hundred people? "The ""mighty"" Federation could learn a few things from this village..." -There is no need for concern. I am operating within normal parameters now. You're what? -You're what? I am better. -My father told me I shouldn't talk to you. I understand. -I understand. I don't. -Not everyone here agrees with him. I mean, you know, about machines. There was even a big fight about it once. Do you like being a machine? I aspire to be more than I am. -I aspire to be more than I am. I know why. So people like us won't be afraid of you any more. -I know why. So people like us won't be afraid of you any more. Perhaps, that is true. -Don't you ever get tired? My power cells continually re- charge themselves. -My power cells continually re- charge themselves. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a machine. -Perhaps it would surprise you to know that I have often tried to imagine what it would be like to be a child... Really? -Really? Really. -Really. For one thing, your legs are shorter than everyone else's. -For one thing, your legs are shorter than everyone else's. But they are in a constant state of growth. Do you find it difficult to adapt? A child's specifications are never the same from one moment to the next. I am surprised that you do not... trip over your own feet. -But they are in a constant state of growth. Do you find it difficult to adapt? A child's specifications are never the same from one moment to the next. I am surprised that you do not... trip over your own feet. Sometimes I do. -Sometimes I do. My legs are eighty-seven-point- two centimeters. They were eighty-seven-point-two centimeters the day I was created. They will be eighty- seven-point-two centimeters the day I go off line. My operation depends on specifications that do not change. I... cannot imagine... the experience of growing up or even tripping over my own feet... -But you've never had adults telling you what to do all the time... or bedtimes... or having to eat food you don't like... I would gladly accept the requirement of a bedtime in exchange for knowing what it is like to be a child. -I would gladly accept the requirement of a bedtime in exchange for knowing what it is like to be a child. Do machines ever play? -Do machines ever play? I play the violin... and my chess routines are quite advanced... -I play the violin... and my chess routines are quite advanced... No, I mean... -Chase me! For what purpose? -For what purpose? Because you're it. And if you tag me... then I'm it. -Because you're it. And if you tag me... then I'm it. But I can run much faster than you... I am capable of exceeding forty-seven meters per second... -But I can run much faster than you... I am capable of exceeding forty-seven meters per second... Data... haven't you ever just played... for fun? -Data... haven't you ever just played... for fun? Androids... don't have...fun. -Androids... don't have...fun. Why not...? -Why not...? No one's ever asked me that before. -No one's ever asked me that before. If you want to know 'what it's like to be a child', you need to learn how to play... -Anij! Tournel will take you the rest of the way... -Tournel will take you the rest of the way... No... I want to stay with you... -No... I want to stay with you... It is safer there. I will join you shortly. -I have to go home now. Bye. -Can he breathe under water? Data doesn't breathe. -Data doesn't breathe. Won't he rust? -Won't he rust? No. -To many offlanders, what you have here would be more valuable than gold-pressed latinum. And I'm afraid it's the reason that someone is trying to take this world away from you. The artificial lifeform was right? -The artificial lifeform was right? If not for Data, you'd probably have been re-located by now. -Captain, the Son'a hostages declined to be examined. I had them confined to quarters. And our people? -And our people? They all have slightly elevated levels of endorphin production... probably the result of the environmental anomalies here... -They all have slightly elevated levels of endorphin production... probably the result of the environmental anomalies here... Are they in any danger? -Are they in any danger? Not at all. They're fine... in fact, they're better than fine. Increased metabolism, high energy, improved muscle tone. We should all be so lucky. -Not at all. They're fine... in fact, they're better than fine. Increased metabolism, high energy, improved muscle tone. We should all be so lucky. Very good, Doctor. Picard out. -You either need a new uniform or a new neck. 'Yew-cheen chef-faw'... My collar size is exactly the same as it was at the Academy. -'Yew-cheen chef-faw'... My collar size is exactly the same as it was at the Academy. Sure it is. And your hair is still chestnut brown. -Very funny... Your Captain used to cut quite a rug... -Prepare to transport the 'hostages' to the ship... They should be quarantined before joining the ship's population. -Will he live? Yes. But look at this medscan... -She's stabilizing. Is it safe to move her? -Is it safe to move her? Safer than leaving her here. -Hello, Data... Captain, Geordi...? -Captain, Geordi...? You're aboard the Enterprise. -Yes... that looks like them. What's the last thing you remember, Data... -What's the last thing you remember, Data... 'his nose should pant and his lip should curl...' -'his nose should pant and his lip should curl...' From the mission... -From the mission... I was in an isolation suit collecting physiometric data on Ba'ku children. My last memory is going into the hills, following a boy... -I believe the boy is... afraid... of me. It's nothing personal data. You have to remember these people have rejected technology. And you... -It's nothing personal data. You have to remember these people have rejected technology. And you... ... I am the personification of everything they have rejected. -... I am the personification of everything they have rejected. Until this week, that young man probably never saw a machine, let alone one that walks and talks... -Until this week, that young man probably never saw a machine, let alone one that walks and talks... And I do not believe I made a very good first impression. -Tricorder functions are limited due to heavy deposits of kelbonite in these hills... How about a passive radiation scan? -A ship, It is clearly Federation in origin, Captain. -It is clearly Federation in origin, Captain. 'Just a few loose ends to tie up.' -Incomplete, I might add. What you're seeing is a computer driven image created by photons and forcefields... -... it is conceivable I was shot to protect the secret of its existence. What possible purpose could a duplicate village have except... to deceive the Ba'ku... -Why would the Federation or the Son'a wish to move the Ba'ku? I don't know. -Captain, I've activated transport inhibitors around the village... Good. Let's begin to move these people out... -How many? Another forty-three people reported taken, sir... -I'm showing fresh air behind this calcite formation, Captain... Will the structure hold if we blast through? -Will the structure hold if we blast through? I believe it is safe, sir. -Your Federation procedures have made this mission ten times as difficult as it needed to be... Our procedures were in place to protect the planet's population from unnecessary risk... -Our procedures were in place to protect the planet's population from unnecessary risk... Planet's population. Six hundred people. You want to avoid unnecessary risks? Next time leave your android home. -Take us into a high orbit. Lie down, Admiral. The girls will take twenty years off your face... Another time. -Your self-restraint puzzles me, Admiral. You continue to deny yourself every benefit this mission has to offer... I prefer to wait until we can share the benefits with all the people of the Federation... -Your android has turned dangerously violent, Captain... Considerable damage was done to my ship. He must be destroyed. I know what Data means to Starfleet, Jean-Luc... but our crew is at the mercy of those people on the planet... -It isn't safe for you to remain in this area. He's right. Our shields have been upgraded to protect against the environmental anomalies... -Take me down. Let me talk to Picard. Talk... we should send down an assault team and take them by force. -Talk... we should send down an assault team and take them by force. That is not an acceptable option. If people get hurt, all the support we have in the Federation... -That is not an acceptable option. If people get hurt, all the support we have in the Federation... Federation support, Federation procedures, Federation rules... look in the mirror, Admiral... the Federation is old... in the last twenty four months, it's been challenged by every major power in the quadrant -- the Borg, the Cardassians, the Dominion... they all smell the scent of death on the Federation. That's why you've embraced our offer... because it will give your dear Federation new life. Well, how badly do you want it, Admiral? Because there are hard choices to be made now. If the Enterprise gets through with news about their brave Captain's valiant struggle on behalf of the defenseless Ba'ku, your Federation politicians will waver, your Federation opinion polls will open a public debate, your Federation allies will want their say... need I go on? -I'll order Riker to turn around. Picard's first officer. Do you really believe he'll listen? -You're not going to launch anything until... In six hours, every living thing in this system will be dead or dying. -We're taking this ship out of here... this mission is over... It is not over. -It is not over. It is over. -I do not take orders from you. If you begin the procedure while the planet is still populated, the Federation will pursue you until... -You have no idea what precipitated his behavior? ... And now he's holding our people hostage down there... -... And now he's holding our people hostage down there... The Enterprise can be at your position in two days, Admiral... -The Enterprise can be at your position in two days, Admiral... That's probably not a good idea. Your ship hasn't been fitted for this region; there are environmental concerns... -That's probably not a good idea. Your ship hasn't been fitted for this region; there are environmental concerns... What kind of concerns? -What kind of concerns? We haven't fully identified the anomalies yet. They're calling this whole area The Briar Patch... it took us a day to reach a location where we could get a signal out to you. Just get me Data's schematics. I'll keep you informed. Dougherty out. -Captain, I wasn't expecting you. This was too important for the Enterprise to be on the sidelines, Admiral... -This was too important for the Enterprise to be on the sidelines, Admiral... I wish I had better news. Commander Data attacked us in the mission scout ship yesterday. Ru'afo and I have decided to send in an assault team... -I wish I had better news. Commander Data attacked us in the mission scout ship yesterday. Ru'afo and I have decided to send in an assault team... Sir, Commander Worf and I have been working on several tactical plans to safely... -All right. You have twelve hours, Captain. Then I want you out of The Briar Patch. In the meantime, we'll be heading out to the perimeter to call for Son'a reinforcements in case you fail. Understood. -Understood. Good luck. Dougherty out. -... and because they have warp capabilities, the consequences to their society are minimal... You've done a terrific job, Jean- Luc. Now, pack your bags and get the hell out of there. How's Data? -You've done a terrific job, Jean- Luc. Now, pack your bags and get the hell out of there. How's Data? In stasis. La Forge is completing the diagnostic. -In stasis. La Forge is completing the diagnostic. I'll need all your paperwork tomorrow. We're heading back your way. Set a course to rendezvous with us so you can transfer the crew and equipment on your way out. -I'll need all your paperwork tomorrow. We're heading back your way. Set a course to rendezvous with us so you can transfer the crew and equipment on your way out. You're not finished here? -You're not finished here? Just a few loose ends to tie up. Dougherty out. -You're looking well, Jean-Luc. Rested. "Your ""Briar Patch"" turned out to be more hospitable than I expected." -"Your ""Briar Patch"" turned out to be more hospitable than I expected." That's why we put chromodynamic shields in place - so our people wouldn't feel the effects from the metaphasic radiation... -That's why we put chromodynamic shields in place - so our people wouldn't feel the effects from the metaphasic radiation... ... or understand that they were participating in the outright theft of a world. I won't let you move them, Admiral. I'll go to the Federation Council... -... or understand that they were participating in the outright theft of a world. I won't let you move them, Admiral. I'll go to the Federation Council... I'm acting on orders form the Federation Council. -I'm acting on orders form the Federation Council. How can there be an order to abandon the Prime Directive...? -How can there be an order to abandon the Prime Directive...? The Prime Directive doesn't apply. These people are not indigenous to this world. They were never meant to be immortal. We'll simply be restoring their natural evolution. -The Prime Directive doesn't apply. These people are not indigenous to this world. They were never meant to be immortal. We'll simply be restoring their natural evolution. Who are we to decide the next course of evolution for these people? -Who are we to decide the next course of evolution for these people? There are six hundred people down there. We'll be able to use the regenerative properties of this radiation to help billions. The Son'a have developed a procedure to collect the metaphasic particles form the planets rings... -There are six hundred people down there. We'll be able to use the regenerative properties of this radiation to help billions. The Son'a have developed a procedure to collect the metaphasic particles form the planets rings... A planet in Federation space... -A planet in Federation space... Right. We have the planet and they have the technology -- a technology we can't duplicate. You know what that makes us? Their partners. -Right. We have the planet and they have the technology -- a technology we can't duplicate. You know what that makes us? Their partners. Our partners are nothing more than petty thugs. -Our partners are nothing more than petty thugs. On Earth, petroleum once turned petty thugs into world leaders. Warp drive transformed a bunch of Romulan thugs into an empire. We can handle the Son'a, I'm not worried about that... -On Earth, petroleum once turned petty thugs into world leaders. Warp drive transformed a bunch of Romulan thugs into an empire. We can handle the Son'a, I'm not worried about that... Someone probably said the same thing about the Romulans a century ago. -Someone probably said the same thing about the Romulans a century ago. With metaphasics, lifespans will be doubled... an entire new medical science will evolve... I understand your Chief Engineer has the use of his eyes for the first time in his life... would you take his sight away from him? -With metaphasics, lifespans will be doubled... an entire new medical science will evolve... I understand your Chief Engineer has the use of his eyes for the first time in his life... would you take his sight away from him? There are metaphasic particles all over The Briar Patch. Why must this planet be... -There are metaphasic particles all over The Briar Patch. Why must this planet be... The concentration in the rings is what makes the whole damned thing work. Don't ask me to explain it. I only know they inject something into the rings that starts a thermolytic reaction. After it's over, the planet will be unlivable for generations. -The concentration in the rings is what makes the whole damned thing work. Don't ask me to explain it. I only know they inject something into the rings that starts a thermolytic reaction. After it's over, the planet will be unlivable for generations. Delay the procedure. Let my people look at the technology. -Delay the procedure. Let my people look at the technology. Our best scientific minds already have. We can't find any other way to do this. -Our best scientific minds already have. We can't find any other way to do this. Then the Son'a can establish a separate colony on this planet until we do... -Then the Son'a can establish a separate colony on this planet until we do... It would take ten years of normal exposure to begin to reverse their condition. Some of them won't survive that long. Besides, they don't want to live in the middle of The Briar Patch... who would? -It would take ten years of normal exposure to begin to reverse their condition. Some of them won't survive that long. Besides, they don't want to live in the middle of The Briar Patch... who would? The Ba'ku. -We are betraying the principles upon which the Federation was founded... this is an attack on the very soul of the Federation. This will destroy the Ba'ku. Just as cultures have been destroyed in every other forced relocation throughout history. We are only moving six hundred people, Jean-Luc. -We are only moving six hundred people, Jean-Luc. How many people would it take... before it becomes wrong? A thousand? Fifty thousand. A million? -Order them to surrender, and I promise you won't be court- martialed. If a court-martial is the only way to tell the people of the Federation what happened here, then I welcome it. -I wonder... which one of us will be facing that court-martial... There's nothing further to be gained from this... -A coward... without the moral courage to stop an unspeakable atrocity. You offend me. Is this how a Federation officer begs for his life? -Is this how a Federation officer begs for his life? I'm not begging for my life. I'm begging for yours. There is still a way home, Gal'na. -What you're asking me to do... is impossible... the crew is loyal to Ru'afo... Do you know how to disable the injector? -Do you know how to disable the injector? But I would need at least three minutes on the bridge. -But I would need at least three minutes on the bridge. If we could lure him away from the bridge... -If we could lure him away from the bridge... It doesn't matter where he is. As soon as he realizes something is happening, he'll override my commands with one word at his com- link... -It doesn't matter where he is. As soon as he realizes something is happening, he'll override my commands with one word at his com- link... What if he doesn't realize something's happening... Can you get me to a transmitter? I have to speak with Worf and Data on the surface... we'll need their help... -The countdown control has been transferred to the collector...I can't override... Scan for lifesigns. -Gallatin! So the righteous Starfleet Captain finally released you. Did you encounter any problems on the surface? No, sir. But it wasn't easy... being among them... -No, sir. But it wasn't easy... being among them... I'm sure. Just don't forget what they did to us. We'll have them rounded up in a day or two... we needn't bother with the Federation holo-ship any more. Just get the holding cells ready. -The injector performs perfectly in every simulation... Sir, as the Enterprise left orbit, one of their support craft went down to the surface. It appeared to be the Captain's Yacht. Five persons on board. -Sir, as the Enterprise left orbit, one of their support craft went down to the surface. It appeared to be the Captain's Yacht. Five persons on board. We're not waiting until morning... take the shuttles and get everyone off the surface tonight. -They're following the kelbonite deposits... using the interference to block our transporters... Recommendations? -There is an alternative to an all- out assault. Isolinear tags would allow our transporters to lock on to them. We'd have to tag every one of them... that would take time... and we don't have it. The Enterprise is only nineteen hours from communications range with the Federation... -Admiral Dougherty will not be joining us for diner. Deploy the collector. Do you have a problem with those orders? May I talk to you alone? -May I talk to you alone? Deploy the collector. -Moving them is one thing. Killing them all... No one hated them more than you, Gal'na. We've come a long way together. This is the moment we've planned for so many years... -Separate the Starfleet personnel and secure them in the aft cargo hold... see that Picard joins them... The shields in that section won't protect them against the thermolytic reaction... -The shields in that section won't protect them against the thermolytic reaction... Thank-you for reminding me. -I want our guests to depart as quickly a etiquette allows. I'll ask Worf to delay his return to DS9 so he can join us. We're going to stop by sector four-four- one on our way to the Goren system. They... are in opposite directions, sir... -They... are in opposite directions, sir... Are they...? -We're about to lose communications with Starfleet, Captain. Do you have everything you need from command? -The torque sensors are out of alignment... by twelve microns... you could hear that? When I was an ensign, I could detect a three-micron mis- alignment... -I took these out of Data's neural net... they contain memory engrams... Do you know how they were damaged? -Do you know how they were damaged? By a Son'a weapon. There's no doubt about it, sir. That's what made Data malfunction. -By a Son'a weapon. There's no doubt about it, sir. That's what made Data malfunction. The Son'a reports claim they didn't fire until after he malfunctioned. -The Son'a reports claim they didn't fire until after he malfunctioned. I don't believe it happened that way. -I don't believe it happened that way. Why would they fire at him without provocation? -Why would they fire at him without provocation? All I know is that he was functioning normally until he was shot. Then, his fail-safe system was activated... -All I know is that he was functioning normally until he was shot. Then, his fail-safe system was activated... Fail-safe? -Fail-safe? His ethical and moral subroutines took over all of his basic functions... -His ethical and moral subroutines took over all of his basic functions... So, you're saying he still knew the difference between right and wrong. -So, you're saying he still knew the difference between right and wrong. In a sense, that's all he knew. The system is designed to protect him against anyone who might try to take advantage of his memory loss. -In a sense, that's all he knew. The system is designed to protect him against anyone who might try to take advantage of his memory loss. And yet he attacked us. And told the Ba'ku we were a threat... -Implants bothering you? It's nothing. I'm just tired. -Funniest thing, Captain. There wasn't anything wrong with my implants. There was something right with my eyes. When Doctor Crusher removed the ocular connections, she found the cells around my optic nerves... ... had regenerated. -... had regenerated. It may not last after we leave. If not, I just wanted, before we go... I've never actually seen a sunrise. -A photon torpedo. Isn't that the universal greeting when communications are down? I think it's the universal greeting when you don't like someone. -Full impulse. The manifold can't handle full impulse in the Patch, Commander. -The manifold can't handle full impulse in the Patch, Commander. If we don't outrun them, the manifolds are going to be the only thing left of this ship. -If we don't outrun them, the manifolds are going to be the only thing left of this ship. I'll be in Engineering. -Will that stop the tear? You got me, Commander. -You got me, Commander. That's your expert opinion? -That's your expert opinion? Detonating the warp core might neutralize the cascade... but then again it might not. Subspace weapons are unpredictable. That's why they were banned. -We're pulling it like a zipper across space... Options? -Options? Eject the core. -Aye, sir. Highly volatile...I recommend we keep our distance... Negative. I want to use the ramscoop to collect as much of it as we can... -Negative. I want to use the ramscoop to collect as much of it as we can... The purpose being...? -I wouldn't be surprised if history remembers this as the Riker Maneuver... If it works you mean. -If it works you mean. Even if it doesn't, they'll be teaching kids as the Academy not to do this for years to come. -I don't think they believe us. Why not? -Sir, they've detonated an isolytic burst... a subspace tear is forming... On screen. -The tear is closing on us... impact in fifteen seconds... Eject the core. -The purpose being I intend to shove it down the Son'a's throat. Commander, if one of their weapons hits that gas... -Commander, if one of their weapons hits that gas... It's our only way out of here, Mister Nara. -Commander, I'm showing two Son'a ships on an intercept course. How long 'til they reach us? -How long 'til they reach us? Eighteen minutes... -What's inside that nebula cluster? Cometary debris, pockets of unstable metreon gas... we don't want to go in there, sir... -Cometary debris, pockets of unstable metreon gas... we don't want to go in there, sir... Yes, we do. You're relieved, Ensign. Take over at Ops. -I thought subspace weapons were banned by the Khitomer Accord... Remind me to lodge a protest... -We're still thirty-six minutes from transmission range, sir. We're through running from these bastards. -They're powering their forward weapons array. Blow out the ramscoop. Stand by full thrusters. -They need us to mediate some territorial dispute... We can't delay the archaeological expedition to Hanoran Two. It would put us into the middle of monsoon season... -We can't delay the archaeological expedition to Hanoran Two. It would put us into the middle of monsoon season... The Diplomatic Corps is busy with Dominion negotiations. -The Diplomatic Corps is busy with Dominion negotiations. ... so they need us to put out one more brush fire. Anyone remember when we used to be explorers? -'Yew-cheen chef-faw.' Deck ten. -Who is it? Commander Riker... -... and gorgonzolla cheese. We won't be able to go any faster than one-third impulse in that muck... -We won't be able to go any faster than one-third impulse in that muck... Nothing dangerous turned up in the astrometric survey... -Nothing dangerous turned up in the astrometric survey... So where are the 'environmental concerns' the Admiral was talking about? -So where are the 'environmental concerns' the Admiral was talking about? The only unusual readings were low levels of metaphasic radiation from interstellar dust across the region... -Admiral Dougherty wants to know why we haven't left yet... We're not going anywhere. -Deck five. You Klingons never do anything small, do you... -Prepare the ship for departure at oh-seven-hundred hours. Aye, sir. -You must be planning on doing some hunting. Go back to your quarters That's an order. -There's a short letter I left you all, just some... sentimental nonsense... the computer will bring it to your attention at oh- four-hundred... I'd just as soon you delete it... Fat chance. I'll post it on every monitor on the ship... -The Council has ordered a halt to the Ba'ku relocation while they conduct a top-level review. Top level review, my ass. There'll be no cover-up of this. Not after I get... -My name is Sojef, Captain. Jean-Luc Picard... my officers Doctor Crusher and Counselor Troi. -Jean-Luc Picard... my officers Doctor Crusher and Counselor Troi. Would you like something to eat? -Would you like something to eat? No, we're here to... rescue them. -No, we're here to... rescue them. As you wish. But I would ask you to disarm yourselves. This village is a sanctuary of life. -We came here from a solar system on the verge of self- annihilation... where technology had created weapons that threatened to destroy all life. A small group of us set off to find a new home... a home that would be isolated from the threats of other worlds. That was three hundred and nine years ago. You've not aged a day since then? -You've not aged a day since then? Actually, I was a good deal older when we arrived... in terms of my physical condition. -I wish there was a way to bring them back home. Ask them. -Ask them. I'm afraid there's too much bitterness... on both sides. -Bridge to Captain Picard. We are approaching sector four-four-one. Slow to impulse. We're on our way. -I... I must have slept through my alarm. I'm on my way... We'll skip the court martial this time... Picard out. -Worf to Picard... Yes... yes, I... can hear you... -Yes... yes, I... can hear you... We're trying to get to you, sir... -Worf, you must hurry... We're coming as fast as we can... we can't risk using phasers... -We're coming as fast as we can... we can't risk using phasers... I understand. Tell Doctor Crusher to have a hypospray of lectrazine ready... -Captain... Worf, what the hell are you doing here? -I've already modified a tricorder with one of his spare actuation servos. Its operational range is only seven meters but it should shut him down... It's good to have you back, Worf. Slow to one-third. Take us in. -Sensors are not picking up any ships coming from the surface... Transmit a wide band co-variant signal. That'll get his attention. -Transmit a wide band co-variant signal. That'll get his attention. He might be using the planet's rings to mask his approach. -He might be using the planet's rings to mask his approach. The metaphasic radiation in those rings is in a state of extreme flux. Steer clear of them, Mister Worf... -Come out, come out wherever you are... Sir? -Sir? Hmm? Oh, it's just something my mother used to... -Sir, if we fire a tachyon burst, it may force him to reset his shield harmonics. When he does, we could beam him out... Make it so. -Direct hit. He's resetting his shield harmonics... Beam him out! -He's activated a transport inhibitor. Prepare to enter the atmosphere... we'll use the ionospheric boundary to shake him... -Scanners are off line! Evasive maneuvers... heading one- four-zero mark three-one... -Do you know Gilbert and Sullivan? No, sir. I haven't had a chance to meet all the new crew members since I've been back... -No, sir. I haven't had a chance to meet all the new crew members since I've been back... "They're composers, Worf, from the nineteenth century. Data was rehearsing a part in H.M.S. Pinafore before he left... ""A British tar is a soaring soul, As free as a mountain bird, His energetic first should be ready to resist A dictatorial word...""" -Sir, inertial coupling is exceeding tolerance... if we don't release him, he may destroy both vessels... I'm not letting go of him. -The damping sequencer was damaged by phaser fire! Transferring controls to manual. -Did any of the hostages mention a cloaked ship during their debriefings? No, sir... -No, sir... Debrief them again. Have you been in a fight, Commander? -Debrief them again. Have you been in a fight, Commander? No, sir. It is a gorch. -No, sir. It is a gorch. Gorch? -Doctor Crusher asked to talk to you when you returned... Picard to Crusher... -Should I distribute phasers to the Ba'ku, sir...? No. We'll be responsible for that, Mister Worf. -You need a haircut, Commander. Accelerated hair growth is often experienced by Klingons during Jak'tahla... -The Ba'ku could use some rest, sir. According to the geo-scan, this may be the safest area for the next few kilometers... Very well. We'll take an hour. Break out some rations... -Isolinear tags. Their transporters can lock onto them. We have to find shelter... -All injector sub-systems are confirmed off-line. Decloak the holo-ship and engage a tractor beam, Mister Worf. -One. It's Ru'afo. Can you beam him off? -Can you beam him off? Negative. He's established a security field around the control room... -Negative. He's established a security field around the control room... Is there any other way to disable the injector? -... Population three hundred million... Say the greeting again... -Say the greeting again... Yew-cheen chef-faw... emphasis on the 'cheen' and the 'faw'... -Oh, my God, are they vegetarians? That's not in here... Better have the chef whip up a light balsamic vinaigrette... something that goes well with chrysanthemums... -We've downloaded all the files on the duck blind mission as well as intelligence reports on the Son'a. You have two days to become experts... Mister Worf, your job and mine will be to find a plan to safely capture Data. -Counselor? They have an incredible clarity of perception, Captain. I've never encountered a species with such mental discipline... -The Son'a discovered an M-class planet with humanoid life six months ago. Turned out it's in us to get approval for a sociological study. The Federation Council suggested it be a joint mission... Why was Data assigned? -Why was Data assigned? """Environmental concerns"", again. An android could be safely exposed to the elements during the installation of a duck blind..." -I don't see anything to suggest the Son'a have any interest in sociology... What are they interested in...? -What are they interested in...? Wine, women and song. -Wine, women and song. You should feel right at home with them. -Nomadic, collectors of precious metals, jewels... Hmm, I should feel right at home with them... -Hmm, I should feel right at home with them... You're in luck... it says here they've taken women from several races as indentured servants. -Why would we be involved with these people? Good question. -You haven't done that in a long time... What...? -What...? What you're doing to my neck... -What you're doing to my neck... Was I doing something to your neck? -It says here that some form of genetic damage has apparently prevented the Son'a from procreating... No children? -No children? If that's true, they're a dying race. -Come in. Hi. Got a minute? I... need a little counseling. First time for everything. Do I... lie down... or what? -Got a minute? I... need a little counseling. First time for everything. Do I... lie down... or what? Whatever makes you comfortable... -This isn't one of the usual therapeutic postures... But it's comfortable. -But it's comfortable. Why don't you try sitting up? -Why don't you try sitting up? Or you could try lying down. -Or you could try lying down. You're in quite a mood today. -Both. I think I'm having a mid-life crisis... ... I believe you... -... I believe you... ... I'm not sleeping well... -... I'm not sleeping well... ... Doctor Crusher has something that'll take care of that... -What I need, I can't get from Doctor Crusher... Counselor, do you think it's possible for two people to go back in time to fix a mistake they've made? On this ship, anything can happen. And usually does. -Augh. Augh? -Augh? I never kissed you with a beard before. -All hands. Battle stations! And have you noticed how your boobs have started to firm up? -Initiate launch sequence. Activating injector assembly. -Exactly as the simulations predicted... Sir, I am not showing any change in metaphasic flux levels... -Sir, I am not showing any change in metaphasic flux levels... Your scanners must be malfunctioning. -Your scanners must be malfunctioning. All ship functions are off-line. -This ship is equipped with fourteen long range transporters... are they all useless...? They must have been locked and secured after we were beamed here. -They must have been locked and secured after we were beamed here. Isolate one and re-route its command sequence through the auxiliary processor... -The new quantum torpedoes are doing the trick, Jean-Luc. We've destroyed forty-seven Borg ships so far... and only lost fifteen of our own. But one of the Borg ships has broken through our defenses, and it's heading directly for Earth. Can you handle it? Absolutely. -Absolutely. Good hunting. Hayes out. -Good hunting. Hayes out. Mister Data, set a pursuit course. Maximum warp. -Admiral... what's the status of the Borg fleet? It's been destroyed. The Borg threat is over. Are you all right? The Enterprise disappeared from our sensors for a moment. -It's been destroyed. The Borg threat is over. Are you all right? The Enterprise disappeared from our sensors for a moment. We're fine, sir. It will take some... time to explain. -We're fine, sir. It will take some... time to explain. I look forward to reading your report. -Montana. Energize. Montana? Well, that answers everything. Why the hell are we -- -Go where? Hello? Is anyone going to tell me what we're doing here? We're here to find Zephram Cochrane. He may be injured or dead. -We're here to find Zephram Cochrane. He may be injured or dead. Cochrane... the inventor of warp drive? -Cochrane... the inventor of warp drive? Yes... -Yes... But he's been dead for three hundred... Oh God... we've gone back in time again, haven't we? -But he's been dead for three hundred... Oh God... we've gone back in time again, haven't we? I'm afraid so. If the Borg succeed in preventing First Contact with the Vulcans... Earth will remain in the Second Dark Age... an easy target when the Borg arrive in the 24th century. -I'm afraid so. If the Borg succeed in preventing First Contact with the Vulcans... Earth will remain in the Second Dark Age... an easy target when the Borg arrive in the 24th century. Well, why didn't you just say so in the first place? -It's Cochrane. I've stabilized him for now... but he's in a coma and he's going to need radiometric therapy. I want to take him to the ship. -It's not the radiation... and there's nothing wrong with the combadges... the Enterprise just isn't responding. Jean-Luc, this man needs medical attention, now. -Jean-Luc, this man needs medical attention, now. As I recall, the town of Resurrection is about two kilometers East of here. They might have a hospital... -What are we waiting for? Let's go. It may not be that simple. This is an extremely difficult and paranoid time in human history. -It may not be that simple. This is an extremely difficult and paranoid time in human history. Are you saying they won't help us? -Are you saying they won't help us? I'm saying they might shoot us on sight. You have to remember... these people have watched their entire way of life collapse around them. -I'm saying they might shoot us on sight. You have to remember... these people have watched their entire way of life collapse around them. There must be some good people... even in this time. -There must be some good people... even in this time. Let's hope so. Because if Cochrane dies... the future may die with him. -He's stable... for now. But it would be better if we could contact... our friends. Yes. But until then, you'll have to make do with what you've got. -Yes. But until then, you'll have to make do with what you've got. That'll be interesting. -I have to go back to the silo. Will you be all right? I'll be fine. He's a different story. -You actually performed surgery...? It was an experience. Metal scalpels... needle and thread... -But I had a little help. Surgical transporter. I used it to beam out most of the bone fragments from his brain. How did Doctor Almack react to that? -How did Doctor Almack react to that? He was so confused by what I was doing, I don't think he even noticed. Any word from the Enterprise? -He was so confused by what I was doing, I don't think he even noticed. Any word from the Enterprise? Not yet. -Not yet. You think they're still up there? -You think they're still up there? If they're not... we'd better get used to living in Montana. -If they're not... we'd better get used to living in Montana. That might not be so bad... at least for you. -Regardless of how I may feel about Ruby... our fates lie along different paths. Nothing can change that. You want some advice? Don't do this again. You know exactly what I mean. -You want some advice? Don't do this again. You know exactly what I mean. Beverly, there were many reasons why you and I... -Beverly, there were many reasons why you and I... "I'd call them excuses. And the first excuse on both our lists was our ""sense of duty."" We convinced ourselves that it was more important than anything else. And you know what? It's not." -How long has he been unconscious? At least four hours. -Is it Japanese? Um... yeah. Now he's going to need a respirator. Do you have one? -Um... yeah. Now he's going to need a respirator. Do you have one? We have two... but we don't have the juice to run them. -His automatic reflexes are fluctuating. We've got to get him on a respirator. Bag him. -The occipital fracture is widening... we're going to have to fuse the bones... I'm a little worried about some of these bone fragments. If they move any closer to the brain, we could be looking at a hemorrhage. -You are the guiding intelligence behind the Borg...? Intelligence... ambition... desire... I bring order to chaos... -Have you ever wondered what it's like to have flesh? It is impossible to imagine sensations for which I have no frame of reference. -You've taken your first step toward perfection. How does it feel? I do not know what you are referring to. -I do not know what you are referring to. That's because you haven't been properly... stimulated yet. -Do you know what this is, Data? It would appear that you are attempting to graft organic skin onto my endo-skeletal structure. -It would appear that you are attempting to graft organic skin onto my endo-skeletal structure. What a cold description... for such a beautiful gift. -No. I will not betray my friends. They're not your friends... they've held you back... kept you from your destiny... -They're not your friends... they've held you back... kept you from your destiny... That is not true. They have tried to help me. -That is not true. They have tried to help me. Have they given you what I have given you? Did they even try? -Have they given you what I have given you? Did they even try? I... do not want this... -You're becoming more human all the time, Data. Now you're learning how to lie. I wish to... go back to the way I was. -I wish to... go back to the way I was. More lies. -Have you ever know a woman? Do you know what it's like to feel her breath on your face... her skin against yours... flesh against flesh? My creator did not intend for me to experience these things. -My creator did not intend for me to experience these things. I'm your creator now. -I am... grateful for what you have given me. But I still do not wish to be assimilated. A universe of sensation is waiting for you... don't you want to explore it... with me? -Yes... Then take the final step... give me the Enterprise... and we can be together... always. -I've deactivated the sensory inputs. That flesh on your body is just meat, now. No... no, please... you cannot... -Isn't it better like this...? Yes... but the Enterprise... my duty... -Yes... but the Enterprise... my duty... ... is to yourself. Don't make me hurt you again... -No... no, it's so... empty... please... give it back... I need it... And I need to control this ship. Let me into your mind. -There is a perimeter alert. A ship has entered sensor range. Vulcan? -Vulcan? No. -Your diagnostics are in error. I need weapons. The problem must lie in the interface between Starfleet and Borg technology. Your console may not be configured to handle the data flow. -The problem must lie in the interface between Starfleet and Borg technology. Your console may not be configured to handle the data flow. Can you configure it? -Can you configure it? I believe so. -I believe so. Do it. -Dispersive armor is holding. Bring us about. Target Borg ship alpha four, port side battery. -The Borg ship has modified its shields, Captain. Our phasers will no longer be effective. Ready quantum torpedo. -We are approaching the Terran System, Captain. Go to impulse. Where's the Borg ship? -Go to impulse. Where's the Borg ship? It has entered Earth orbit. Correction -- it is not in orbit. It is heading directly toward the surface. -It has entered Earth orbit. Correction -- it is not in orbit. It is heading directly toward the surface. What? -I have helm control. Where's the Sphere? -The vortex is collapsing, sir. Contact Starfleet Command. -What year is it? According to our astrometric readings... the year is 2063. -Mister Data, I want to know the exact date and time. Give me a damage report on that missile silo. Today is March second, 2063. The time in Montana is oh-eight-forty- five. -But now... they are all one with the Borg. I am unlike any lifeform you have encountered before. As an android, I am in complete control of my neural net. The information contained there cannot be forcibly removed. -I am unlike any lifeform you have encountered before. As an android, I am in complete control of my neural net. The information contained there cannot be forcibly removed. You are an imperfect being... created by an imperfect being. Finding your weakness is only a matter of time. -Who are you? I am the Borg. -I am the Borg. That is a contradiction. The Borg act as a collective consciousness. There are no individuals. -That is a contradiction. The Borg act as a collective consciousness. There are no individuals. I am the beginning... the end. I am the one who is many. I am the Borg. -The planet's surface is covered with Borg technology. So is the moon... and three other planets in this solar system. But how? -Did you know her? Not very well. We met shortly after the Enterprise-E was commissioned. I found her to be a most... promising officer. -Data... are you sure you're all right? I am still having difficulty integrating certain emotions into my programming. Grief, loss, remorse... -I am still having difficulty integrating certain emotions into my programming. Grief, loss, remorse... We still have to make reports on ten more crewmen killed in action. Maybe you should deactivate your emotion chip until we're done. -No. Human beings do not have that luxury, and neither should I. I will admit... there are times when I wish I had an emotion chip I could turn on and off. -"""APR cell count?"" What the hell are you talking about?" Doctor Crusher has been... studying some advanced medical theories. -Juice? Power. There hasn't been a lot of wind through here for the last couple of weeks. Most of the batteries are depleted. -Where's the battery room for the hospital? I told you, there's no -- -I told you, there's no -- Where? -Where? Outside, around back. Next to the water tank. -What did you do to the batteries? Oh... just a little tinkering. How is he? -Captain, I'm starting to worry about the hull integrity. We've been running the support field at full power for three hours straight. I don't know how much longer it's going to hold up. Understood. Keep me informed. -I have the silo, sir. Bearing three one zero... distance, three hundred meters. Let's go. -This must be it. How serious is the damage? -How serious is the damage? I'm having trouble scanning underground. There's a lot of radiation leaking from something. -I'm having trouble scanning underground. There's a lot of radiation leaking from something. Probably from the nuclear warhead. Cochrane was planning to use it to ignite the warp drive. -I'm picking up faint life signs twenty meters below. There should be an access hatch nearby... -Alphanumeric lock. We need a password to get in... I have the password right here. -Blast door. It's designed to protect the control room when the missile is launched. There should be some kind of manual release... -Picard to Enterprise. Enterprise, please respond. It could be the radiation, Captain. Try from the surface. -This used to be the throttle valve assembly. It controls the thrust of the engines. It's been completely vaporized... and without it, there's no way to launch the ship. Can you reconstruct the throttle valve? -Can you reconstruct the throttle valve? Yeah... if I knew what it looked like. There's probably five hundred ways to design a valve like this... -Yeah... if I knew what it looked like. There's probably five hundred ways to design a valve like this... We need to launch this ship in under eighteen hours... There must be some design schematics... blueprints... -We need to launch this ship in under eighteen hours... There must be some design schematics... blueprints... We're tearing this place apart looking for them... but the computers are down, and the fires destroyed half the files...so far, nothing. -Maybe... Sure. Yeah. As long as I could get a clear look at the intake configuration. But so far, we haven't found any other photos. If there are other photographs... I think I may know how to find them. -Where's you get the alloy for the throttle itself? They used copper pipes in their plumbing... so I melted it down... and fused it with some tritanium from one of our phaser casings. It's not the strongest alloy... but it's better than all this crude aluminum and steel. -Ready to make a little history? Always am. -Always am. Phoenix to control. Initiating five minute countdown... mark. -We can't leave her out there. When the ship launches... she'll be killed. Tell her to go back to Resurrection. -Tell her to go back to Resurrection. She's a very... determined woman. Phoenix to control. Mister Lange... let her in. -Captain -- This is Picard. I've suspended the launch sequence. -Captain... we've got less than ten minutes before that Vulcan ship leaves the system. We've got to go now. It'll have to wait. Come on. -No... the door's too thick. Then we'll just have to assume it's still there... -Then we'll just have to assume it's still there... What's still there? -What's still there? Get a tricorder. You're going to have to track my exact position in that room... -Solid rocket fuel at twenty-five thousand kilograms... Altitude fifty kilometers... -Altitude fifty kilometers... Entering the upper ionospere... -Entering the upper ionospere... There's a red light on the second intake valve. -There's a red light on the second intake valve. Ignore it. We'll be fine. Prepare for first stage shut-down and separation on my mark... -Ready to deploy the warp nacelles. As they used to say... all systems are go. -The Vulcans should be out there right now. We need to break the warp barrier in the next five minutes if we're going to get their attention. Bring the warp core on-line. I'll lay in a heading. -Bring the warp core on-line. I'll lay in a heading. The nacelles are charged... nuclear warhead standing by. We're ready to ignite the warp drive. -The nacelles are charged... nuclear warhead standing by. We're ready to ignite the warp drive. Engage. -Passing one-half light speed. The starboard nacelle's running a little hot... I'm on it... -The inertial dampers are having trouble compensating... I don't think Cochrane built this thing for comfort. Speed -- two hundred, seventy-five thousand kilometers per second. -There's no temporal shielding in here! We're starting to pick up relativistic effects! One minute to warp threshold... -Captain, the Enterprise! Picard to Enterprise. Picard to Enterprise -- do you read me? -Their com system must still be down. Well, I feel a whole lot better with them out there. We may need some help. -They're getting awfully close... what the hell are they doing? We're crossing the threshold! -Are we on schedule? The Vulcan ship will be here in less than two hours. It'll be tight, but we should make it. -It'll be tight, but we should make it. What about our warp signature? It has to be strong enough for them to detect. -What about our warp signature? It has to be strong enough for them to detect. I've enhanced the plasma injectors -- don't worry, they'll see it. -I've enhanced the plasma injectors -- don't worry, they'll see it. Well, with any luck... the Vulcans will land outside Resurrection tomorrow morning... and Earth will never be the same again. -ATR setting... Active. -Active. Main bus... -Main bus... Ready. -Ready. Initiate pre-ignition sequence. -Oh... yes... ultraviolet protection. Thank you. Mister...? Lieutenant, actually. Lieutenant Jonathan Scrimm. I'm the head of the Resurrection Protective Force. And you are? -Lieutenant, actually. Lieutenant Jonathan Scrimm. I'm the head of the Resurrection Protective Force. And you are? Jean-Luc Picard. -Jean-Luc Picard. Great name. French? -Great name. French? Yes. -Yes. You don't sound French. -Where in the States? Oh... here and there. You know how it is. -Oh... here and there. You know how it is. Not really. I was born and raised right here. Never had much use for travel. -Where are you from most recently? California. San Francisco. -California. San Francisco. Beautiful city. Used to be, anyway. I didn't think anyone still lived there. -Beautiful city. Used to be, anyway. I didn't think anyone still lived there. There's a few of us left. -That was a pretty clever trick you did with the hospital's batteries. How'd you do it? It wasn't a trick. I used to be an electrical engineer. -It wasn't a trick. I used to be an electrical engineer. Huh. -And what were you doing out at the missile silo? I'm an old friend of Cochrane's... I wanted to see how he was doing. -I'm an old friend of Cochrane's... I wanted to see how he was doing. Lucky for him you came by when you did. He might be dead now. -Lucky for him you came by when you did. He might be dead now. Yes. -Yes. Maybe you can tell me what he's been doing in that silo. We heard some explosions out there this morning... -Maybe you can tell me what he's been doing in that silo. We heard some explosions out there this morning... I think he was running a test on an old rocket engine... and one of the fuel cells burst. -You seem to have an answer for everything. Something wrong with that? -Something wrong with that? Not yet. -What do you want? The invasion plans. -The invasion plans. Invasion. -Invasion. "These people you're calling ""Vulcans""... who are they? Where do they come from? How many troops? What kind of weapons?" -There is no invasion... Wrong answer, Mister Picard. Try again. -From another planet. Oh, I almost forgot... they have green blood and pointed ears. And you know all this... because you're a space-man too... -And you know all this... because you're a space-man too... I'm afraid you've caught me. I am a space-man. -Take care of him. He's a very special man. Yes, he is. -What are you, an idiot? Didn't you see the red light was on? Ah... yes... but, I didn't realize that -- -Ah... yes... but, I didn't realize that -- Thank God this plate was already fixed. -Cochrane? Yes... and I only had enough silver halide for one shot. So you're lucky you didn't screw it up. -Yes... and I only had enough silver halide for one shot. So you're lucky you didn't screw it up. I'm very sorry. -Did you need something? Yes... I wanted to ask you about some photographs I saw out at the silo. There were three of them... printed on some kind of fabric. -Yes... I wanted to ask you about some photographs I saw out at the silo. There were three of them... printed on some kind of fabric. Bed sheets. I used my last set of bed sheets to make those prints. Not the best material, but I haven't seen a clean piece of paper in five years. -Bed sheets. I used my last set of bed sheets to make those prints. Not the best material, but I haven't seen a clean piece of paper in five years. Did you take any other pictures of the rocket? -"""Money."" So you can get dome money..." I can try. -I can try. You'd have to try real hard. No one's used currency in over ten years. What are you, from another planet? -No... but sometimes I feel that way. What I meant was, I'd be willing to trade for the photographs. Trade. Okay. The photographs... for a straight answer. Who are you? And how do you know Zephram? -Trade. Okay. The photographs... for a straight answer. Who are you? And how do you know Zephram? I'm an old friend... I met him when he was doing his undergraduate work at Cornell back in -- -I'm an old friend... I met him when he was doing his undergraduate work at Cornell back in -- 'Fraid not. -What? You're lying. -You're lying. What makes you say that? -What makes you say that? You're not someone who lies very easily... so it's obvious when you do... at least to me. -You're not someone who lies very easily... so it's obvious when you do... at least to me. Are you always sucha good judge of character? -Were the two of you... involved? No... not like you and Doctor Crusher used to be. -No... not like you and Doctor Crusher used to be. How did you know about that? -Ruby... I need to talk to you about those photographs. It's very important. I'm sure it is. But it'll have to wait until tomorrow. -I'm sure it is. But it'll have to wait until tomorrow. It can't wait until tomorrow... -It can't wait until tomorrow... Too bad. Besides, it'll give you all night to think up a new set of lies. -I'd say you already have. Don't flatter yourself. I take pictures of a lot of junk. -Okay, let's hear it. I'm sure you have a great explanation for why those rocket photos are so important you broke into my house. We're trying to repair Doctor Cochrane's ship. It's been damaged and -- -We're trying to repair Doctor Cochrane's ship. It's been damaged and -- We? -We? Myself... and a few other friends of Zephram's. -Myself... and a few other friends of Zephram's. Friends from Cornell... -Friends from Cornell... Some. -Some. Lie. That's one. Keep going. -Lie. That's one. Keep going. A key piece of the ship has been destroyed... and our only hope to reconstruct it is if one of your photographs shows us what it looked like. -A key piece of the ship has been destroyed... and our only hope to reconstruct it is if one of your photographs shows us what it looked like. All right. Truth. I believe that one. Why is it so urgent you couldn't wait until morning? -All right. Truth. I believe that one. Why is it so urgent you couldn't wait until morning? We have to launch his ship by tomorrow afternoon. -We have to launch his ship by tomorrow afternoon. Or...? -Why are you being so difficult? All I'm asking for is to look at one of the photographs. It'll take five minutes. And all I'm asking for is the truth. That would take five minutes. For all I know, you caused the explosions at the silo... and now you're trying to steal Zephram's ship. -And all I'm asking for is the truth. That would take five minutes. For all I know, you caused the explosions at the silo... and now you're trying to steal Zephram's ship. I am not a thief... -You're leaving, aren't you? I have to... -I have to... Where? And don't tell me San Francisco... -Where? And don't tell me San Francisco... No. It's a lot further than that. -No. It's a lot further than that. It's the future, isn't it? Just like you told Scrimm. I knew you weren't from around here. -It's the future, isn't it? Just like you told Scrimm. I knew you weren't from around here. No... I'm from France. -No... I'm from France. I don't care if you're from France or Venus... just take me with you. -I don't care if you're from France or Venus... just take me with you. That's impossible. -That's impossible. Why? -Why? This may be hard for you to understand... but I'm duty-bound not to interfere with you, or anyone else here... any more than is absolutely necessary. -This may be hard for you to understand... but I'm duty-bound not to interfere with you, or anyone else here... any more than is absolutely necessary. You've been interfering with my life ever since I met you. Don't stop now. -Signal the Endeavor to fall back. We'll cover them. Aye, sir. -Incoming transmission from the Borg. On screen. -Life signs? Population... thirty-five billion... All Borg. -Captain...? We have to follow them back... repair whatever damage they've done to that time-line. -Track their weapons fire. Western hemisphere... North American continent... -Port battery, ready sir! Fire. -Time travel... they're attempting time travel... Full power, Mister Data. Worf, quantum torpedoes at my command! Aye, sir. -Captain, there are five Borg ships closing in on our position. Data, set a course for that vortex. -Hull integrity down to thirty percent... Steady as she goes. -Captain, I've found the Borg Sphere. It's on the far side of the planet...firing at the surface. Intercept course, full impulse. Weapons status? -Intercept course, full impulse. Weapons status? Phasers are off-line... we have two quantum torpedoes left. But the computer targeting system has been destroyed. -Phasers are off-line... we have two quantum torpedoes left. But the computer targeting system has been destroyed. Go to manual. -Target locked! Fire! -Worf, have Doctor Crusher, Mister La Forge and a security team meet me in Transporter Room Three. Civilian clothes. Aye, sir. -Incoming transmission from Starfleet Command. Admiral Hayes. Onscreen. -We're caught in some kind of energy wake from the vortex... Worf... torpedo... now! -They must've done it in the past... they went back and changed history... They did it... they assimilated Earth. -Report. We're still in Earth orbit. -We're still in Earth orbit. On screen. -Looks like they damaged the silo... Life signs? -Life signs? Can't tell. Long-range bio- sensors are off-line. -Captain? In twenty-four hours, Zephram Cochrane is supposed to conduct the very first warp test... from a missile silo in Montana. If I'm right, the Borg were trying to change the course of human history by killing him or destroying his ship. -In twenty-four hours, Zephram Cochrane is supposed to conduct the very first warp test... from a missile silo in Montana. If I'm right, the Borg were trying to change the course of human history by killing him or destroying his ship. And if they succeed, humans won't make First Contact with the Vulcans tomorrow. As First Officer I should be the one beaming down... -And if they succeed, humans won't make First Contact with the Vulcans tomorrow. As First Officer I should be the one beaming down... Normally, I would agree. But in this case, the mission requires a certain knowledge of 21st century history. You're many things, Number One, but you're not much of an historian. -Good luck, sir. I'll keep in contact. You have the Bridge. -Return to our own time? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Then make it so. Have you determined how to recreate the temporal vortex? -Yes, sir. But Captain... are we... all going back? Unless you'd like to stay. -Unless you'd like to stay. No, sir. -Casualties are light, Captain. Minor buckling on the port nacelle. Nothing serious. Incoming message from the Starship Intrepid. Admiral Hayes. -I have assigned two damage control teams to locate the source of our communication problems. So far, they've had no success. Assign another team if you need to. I want to re-establish communication with the Captain as soon as possible. -A ship-wide decompression has been initiated! What? -What the hell is happening, Worf? It appears that someone has taken over the Environmental Control Room. -We saw at least thirty...and there are twenty-two Enterprise crewmembers reported missing... including Commander Data. We'll have to assume they've been assimilated into the Collective. -To control the Enterprise, they'll have to gain access to one of two locations. Main Engineering... or the Bridge. We have to cover both possibilities. We'll take care of the Bridge. Worf, take your men and seal off Main Engineering. Turn it into a fortress -- nothing gets in. -What are they doing? They appear to be modifying the deflector dish. -They're re-routing the deflector power conduits... Computer -- thermal enhancement. -They're connecting the conduits to subspace communications... They're converting the deflector dish into an antennae... -We have to stop them from sending that message. Agreed. Options? -Agreed. Options? Destroy the deflector dish. -You will have to realign the targeting array of the quantum torpedo... and reprogram the warhead for the localized detonation. There's only one torpedo left... I guess I'd better get it right the first time. -I guess I'd better get it right the first time. The Borg will undoubtedly attack. Set phasers to rotating modulation. -Are you alright? Just a little queasy... -Just a little queasy... Try not to look at the stars... keep your eyes on the ship. -Try not to look at the stars... keep your eyes on the ship. Right. -Right. And Commander, whatever you do... do not vomit in your exo-suit. It would be... unpleasant. -And Commander, whatever you do... do not vomit in your exo-suit. It would be... unpleasant. I'll keep that in mind. -Worf! I'm going to need at least five minutes! Understood! -Report! We've lost Bridge control! -We've lost Bridge control! Emergency override! -Emergency override! Nothing. -Report. We just lost main power... and we've got Class-Three alerts all over the ship. I'm not sure what's -- -Someone...? The Borg. Some of them must've beamed over before we destroyed their ship. Seal off that entire deck with emergency force fields. -The Borg. Some of them must've beamed over before we destroyed their ship. Seal off that entire deck with emergency force fields. Wil... Data was down there. -Wil... Data was down there. Mister Worf... find Data if you can, but your top priority is isolating the Borg. -All right... we've lost control of eight decks... three Cargo Bays... one Shuttlebay. Do we have any idea how many Borg we're dealing with? -They're bypassing Engineering... Where the hell are they going? -To do what? If they wanted a weapon, they could've taken over a phaser bank or torpedo bay... Deflector dish... why the deflector dish...? -I remember it made me sick. What are you suggesting? -What are you suggesting? I think Mister Worf is suggesting that we go outside for a little stroll... -I have to admit there was a moment there when -- Hold that thought. -Worf to Bridge. Riker here. -Riker here. There's a dampening field in place on this deck. Our tricorders are useless. -Worf to Bridge. We're about to enter the Environmental Control Room. Any sign of Data, or the Borg themselves? -Worf? Is something wrong? Something is very wrong, Commander. We're falling back. -What the hell happened down there, Worf? Commander... we have a problem. -No response. I'm not reading any Starfleet com traffic in this entire sector. Captain, I've scanned the planet. The atmosphere contains a high concentration of methane, carbon monoxide and fluorine. The oceans have been chemically altered, as well. -Captain, they're firing at a nuclear missile silo... in central Montana. Target... -Are we in any danger of being detected by Earth defense systems? There were no planetary defense systems in this era. Their weapons were designed to fight each other... not extraterrestrials. -Even Data? Data's positronic net contains classified information on the Enterprise. Command codes, security protocols... -They may be trying to send a message to the other Borg...the Borg in this time period... What kind of message? -Mr. President. Admiral Donald...Bill... -Admiral Donald...Bill... Mr. President we cannot allow Federation citizens to be abducted. -Mr. President we cannot allow Federation citizens to be abducted. At present I'm awaiting a full report from Enterprise. Pending that I am constrained to observe Interstellar Law. -I'd prefer not to be the President to push the button if I can avoid it. The longer we wait, the less accessible the hostages will be, Mr. President. -The longer we wait, the less accessible the hostages will be, Mr. President. I'll bear it in mind, Admiral. I think that's all. -Good luck, Captain. I'm going too. They may need a doctor. -I believe the operation is over. The charge is murder. -I'm going to perform surgery on a torpedo - you never know... You may need assistance, doctor... -You may need assistance, doctor... Fascinating... -Bet you wish you'd stood in bed... Vulcans sleep lying down... -Spock, that was actually funny. We DO sleep lying down. -Calm yourself, doctor, the operation is almost complete... Thank you, nurse. Jim, she's ready! Lock and load! -Pity they're retiring us just as I was starting to understand you, Spock... We WERE beginning to hit our stride together, doctor... -Or not to be - That's the question - -Uh, Jim... You heard the order, Lieutenant. -What the Hell's going on? I wish I knew. Uhura? -Sweet Jesus...! He's lost a lot of whatever this stuff is... Can you - ? -Can you - ? Jim, I don't even know his anatomy. -No! Chancellor Gorkon, can you hear me? Chancellor...? -Thanks... What's the Brotherhood of Aliens? -Figures. We've been set up all along. -Bones, why don't you see what you can do? Let them know we're not holding a grudge. Suppose HE'S holding a grudge? -Three months till retirement. What a way to finish. We're not finished. -We're not finished. Speak for yourself. One day... one night... -- Kobayashi Maru... Bones, are you afraid of the future? -Bones, are you afraid of the future? That was the general idea I intended to convey. -That was the general idea I intended to convey. I didn't mean this future. -I didn't mean this future. Are we playing multiple choice? -Are we playing multiple choice? Some people ARE afraid of the future; of what MIGHT happen; I was frightened, really frightened. -Some people ARE afraid of the future; of what MIGHT happen; I was frightened, really frightened. Specifically of...? -Specifically of...? No more neutral zone. I was USED to hating Klingons... that's why I failed in our assignment. It never even occurred to me to take Gorkon at his word. Spock was right. -No more neutral zone. I was USED to hating Klingons... that's why I failed in our assignment. It never even occurred to me to take Gorkon at his word. Spock was right. Well, don't be too hard on yourself - we all felt exactly the same - -Well, don't be too hard on yourself - we all felt exactly the same - Uh uh. Somebody felt much worse. And I'm starting to understand why. -Uh uh. Somebody felt much worse. And I'm starting to understand why. Well, if you've got any bright ideas, now's the time to - -What is it with you, anyway? Still think we're finished? -Still think we're finished? More than ever. -What kind of creature is this? Last night you two were spooning - Don't remind me. -Jim, leave me - I'm finished... No way. You see this? -It's the viridium patch Spock slapped on my back right before we went aboard Gorkon's ship. That cunning little Vulcan... -That cunning little Vulcan... Once we're beyond the shield they should be able to pick it up two sectors away. -Once we're beyond the shield they should be able to pick it up two sectors away. If they're even looking for us... -If they're even looking for us... Spock's looking for us... -ARE YOU CRAZY? She didn't need our help getting anywhere... where did she get these convenient clothes? And don't tell me that flare is standard prison issue... -Damned clever if you ask me... Killed trying to escape - it's a classic... -ABSOLUTELY NOT! Come on... -Time we got underway ourselves, gentlemen. Once again, we've saved civilization as we know it. And the good news is they're not going to prosecute. -And the good news is they're not going to prosecute. To be - -Perhaps with a few small steps at a time. Like this one. And perhaps with a large step or two. Like a peace treaty. -We're explorers not diplomats! "Starfleet's killed an awful lot of natural phenomena in the name of ""exploration""..." -Captain, when we get to Camp Khitomer, how will we defend ourselves? I mean, if this new Bird of Prey can fire while she is invisible...? Now there's a poser. -This is fun... Captain, shall we attempt to return fire? -Too bad we can't SMELL her. In space, no one can hear you sweat. -They don't arrest people for having feelings. If they did we'd all have to turn ourselves in. How CAN we rely on them? -Are you carrying a surgeon? We were until your torpedoes! -We were until your torpedoes! Then let me help! -Doctor McCoy, what is your current medical status? Aside from a touch of arthritis, I'd say pretty good. -For 27 years I have been Ship's Surgeon and later Chief Medical Officer aboard the USS Enterprise. In three months I'm due to stand down. Stand...? -Stand...? Retire. -Retire. Ah. I believe you also consumed Romulan ale at the officers' mess on the night of question, Doctor? -Was Chancellor Gorkon alive when you first examined him? Barely. -Barely. "Have you saved patients as ""barely"" alive as he was?" -I didn't have the knowledge of Klingon anatomy I needed. You say you are due for retirement. May I ask: do your hands shake? -I was nervous - You were incompetent! - whether deliberately or as a result of age combined with drink this court will determine. -You were incompetent! - whether deliberately or as a result of age combined with drink this court will determine. I tried to save him! I was desperate to save him! He was the last best hope in the universe for real peace. -I tried to save him! I was desperate to save him! He was the last best hope in the universe for real peace. The Chancellor herself will testify that the defendant's hands shook. -I don't believe we can get more out of the way than this. They'll make it look like an accident... -They'll make it look like an accident... What are you in for, if you don't mind me asking? -What are you in for, if you don't mind me asking? I don't mind. Smuggling. Guilty. I come from Arc. Smuggling is an ancient and respected trade there. -They'll respect him now... That's a comfort... -It takes a lot of effort. I don't wonder. Stop me if I'm wrong but do we really have any way of knowing if this is the real you? -I don't wonder. Stop me if I'm wrong but do we really have any way of knowing if this is the real you? I thought I would assume a pleasing shape. We're outside the shield. Now it's your turn, Kirk. -I've always wanted to meet you, Captain. I'm not sure how to take that. -Would you care to go topside? Very much. -"""To be or not to be, that is the question"" which preoccupies our people, Captain Kirk. We need BREATHING room..." I beg your pardon? -My God, what happened here? You feign ignorance? -You feign ignorance? WHAT HAPPENED? -WHAT HAPPENED? You crippled our gravitational field with a direst torpedo hit, and two Starfleet crewmen beamed aboard in magnetic boots and did this! WE HAVE WITNESSES! -He's a DOCTOR! How can I trust -- -Under article 184 of Interstellar Law, I place you both under arrest. You are charged with assassinating the Chancellor of the High Council. He just tried to save him! -He just tried to save him! Take them away. -What? Isn't it a fact that you served Romulan ale, a beverage illegal in the Federation because of its overwhelming potency? -Isn't it a fact that you served Romulan ale, a beverage illegal in the Federation because of its overwhelming potency? The drink WAS served... -And you still maintain your ship did not fire on Kronos One? Would you have known if she had? Come now, Captain. The record clearly there were no other ships in the sector. There... were no other ships in the sector. -There... were no other ships in the sector. Did you have occasion to refer to your ship's data banks during that night? -Did you have occasion to refer to your ship's data banks during that night? I checked the data banks, yes. -I checked the data banks, yes. And what did they tell you? -And what did they tell you? That we fired two photon torpedoes. But - -And now we come to the architect of this tragic affair, Captain James Tiberius Kirk. I put it to you, Captain, that you were seeking revenge for the death of your son. That isn't true...! -That isn't true...! That, either as an instrument of Federation policy or acting on your own drunken initiative, you and your fellow conspirators crippled KRONOS One and cold-bloodedly assassinated the Chancellor of the High Council. Then you and Doctor McCoy went aboard to make certain the job was complete. -Are those your words? Yes. -Yes. Spoken by you? -Spoken by you? Yes... -Yes... Louder, please. We cannot hear you. -Louder, please. We cannot hear you. Those words WERE spoken by me. -You were demoted... Yes. -Yes. For insubordination. -For insubordination. I have on occasion disobeyed orders. -I have on occasion disobeyed orders. And you were obeying or disobeying orders the night you arranged the assassination of Chancellor Gorkon? -You deny Enterprise fired on KRONOS One? Well, I - -Well, I - You deny that your men beamed aboard KRONOS One and shot the Chancellor? -You deny that your men beamed aboard KRONOS One and shot the Chancellor? I cannot confirm or deny actions which I did not witness. -I cannot confirm or deny actions which I did not witness. Captain Kirk, are you aware that under Federation law, the Captain of a Starship is considered responsible for the actions of his men? -Captain Kirk, are you aware that under Federation law, the Captain of a Starship is considered responsible for the actions of his men? I am. -I am. So if it should prove members of your crew did in fact carry out such an assassination - ? -As Captain I am responsible for the conduct of the crew under my command. Your honors, the State rests. -Where is Mr. Sulu? Captain Sulu... on assignment... anyone seen Spock? -Captain, you're not going to show them the bridge?? Full diplomatic courtesy, Mr. Chekov... -Just the size of my head - I know what you mean... -Torpedo room--? Uhura, monitor! -Captain, if they fire at us with our shields down -- Torpedo bay! DID we fire those torpedoes? -"Get close enough to a man and you can kill him on ""Stun"" without setting off the alarm - of course you can't get rid of the body..." First rule of assassination: always kill the assassins. -From Starfleet? Who else? -Where IS the conference? She's only a cog in the wheel - no way she knows that. -She's here - somewhere. But if she's cloaked... -But if she's cloaked... Then all we've got is a neutron radiation surge - and by the time we're close enough to record it, we're ashes... -Shields. Battle stations. Shields up. Battle stations. -Mr. Chekov, take us forward, thrusters only, one half impulse power... Aye, sir; thrusters... -Mr. Chekov, slow down. Take us forward, thrusters only, one quarter impulse power. Aye, sir; thrusters... -Course heading, Captain? Second star to the right - and straight on till morning... -They're preparing to fire. Shields up, Captain --? -You're forgetting something. the data banks say WE fired. If we did, the killers are here; if we didn't, whoever altered the data banks is here. Either way, what we're searching for is here... What ARE we searching for, Mr. Spock? -What ARE we searching for, Mr. Spock? You tell them, Lieutenant. -Klingon blood. They must have walked through it when it was floating and tracked it back here. -They must have walked through it when it was floating and tracked it back here. This is the first evidence that corroborates our theory. -This is the first evidence that corroborates our theory. Now we go to Starfleet? -Now we go to Starfleet? Now we expand our search to include uniforms. -Now we expand our search to include uniforms. ALL uniforms? -Mr. Spock, Rura Penthe's deep in Klingon territory. If we're discovered... Quite right, Mr. Chekov. What is now required is a feat of linguistic legerdemain - and a degree of intrepidity. Before the Captain and Doctor McCoy freeze to death. -You must have cursed yourself, for having programmed our data banks, Lieutenant. Only they revealed something wrong aboard Enterprise. She programmed the torpedo hits? -Aye, sir. Mr. Valtane, any more data? -Captain, I'm getting a message from Klingon High Command. Onscreen. -An INCIDENT? Do we report this, sir? -Do we report this, sir? Are you kidding? Send to Starfleet Command... -"Send to commander Enterprise: ""We stand ready to assist you. Captain Sulu, USS Excelsior."" Attach our co-ordinates." Is that wise, sir? I mean, given their situation - Aye, sir. -This is KRONOS One. I am Chancellor Gorkon. Chancellor. We've been ordered to escort you through Federation space to your meeting place on Earth. -Chancellor. We've been ordered to escort you through Federation space to your meeting place on Earth. Thank you, Captain. -Thank you, Captain. Uh, would you and your party care to dine this evening aboard Enterprise with my officers as guests of the United Federation of Planets? -We'd be delighted to accept your gracious invitation. We'll make arrangements to have you beamed aboard at 1930 hours. -We'll make arrangements to have you beamed aboard at 1930 hours. I shall look forward to it. -Chancellor, may I present Commander Spock, whom I believe you know, Dr. Leonard McCoy, chief medical officer, Montgomery Scott, chief engineer... Commander, face to face at last.. you have my thanks.. -Your research laboratory is most impressive... Starfleet's been charting and cataloging planetary atmospheres. All vessels are equipped with chemical analytic sensors... -Starfleet's been charting and cataloging planetary atmospheres. All vessels are equipped with chemical analytic sensors... This cannot be easy for you, Captain... I would feel awkward if I had to give you a tour of OUR vessel... -Thank you, Captain Kirk. The evening has been most... edifying. We must do this again soon. -"I've heard of chameloids - ""Shapeshifters"" - I thought you were mythical." Give a girl a chance, Captain. -An accident wasn't good enough... Good enough for one - two would look suspicious... killed while attempting escape... now that's convincing for both. -Your friends are late... They'll be here... -Isn't it about time you became something else? I like it here... -What took you so long? Kill him! He's the one!! -Kill him! He's the one!! Not me, idiot - HIM! -He wants your obedience to the Brotherhood of Aliens. He's got it. -He's got it. And your coat. -And your coat. Fraid not. It wouldn't fit him, anyway. -Fraid not. It wouldn't fit him, anyway. Krandog aranty. -How did you know...? There's a reward for your death. -We don't get many presidential assassins. We didn't kill Gorkon. -We didn't kill Gorkon. Of course not. Anyway, somebody up there wants you out of the way. -How much time's left of your sentence? Don't you know? Everyone on Rura Penthe is here for life. -That's not his knee. Not everybody keeps their genitals in the same place, Captain. Anything else you want to tell me? -When whoever it is makes their move, you won't be here to ask if he's the one. There's gotta be a way out of this place... -Listen. No one has ever escaped from Rura Penthe. Except us. -Except us. It IS possible. -I know how to get outside the shield. Where do we come in? -Where do we come in? Getting outside the shield is easy. After that it's up to you to get us off the surface before we freeze. Can you? -Getting outside the shield is easy. After that it's up to you to get us off the surface before we freeze. Can you? Possibly. -Possibly. I can't make it alone. You're the likeliest candidate to come to this god-forsaken place in months. -I can't make it alone. You're the likeliest candidate to come to this god-forsaken place in months. Candidate for what? -Maybe if their particles just got a wee bit mixed... Energize... -Stand down your weapons. Captain, if -- -Captain, if -- Stand DOWN, Mr. Scott. All stop. That's an order. -Stand DOWN, Mr. Scott. All stop. That's an order. Aye, sir. -This is incredible - WHO ELSE...? -As you were. Lieutenant...? Saavik, sir. We were told you'd need a helmsman - ... so I volunteered. -Aft thrusters - Thank you. Lieutenant, one quarter impulse power... -Thank you. Lieutenant, one quarter impulse power... Captain, may I remind you that regulations specify thrusters only while in space dock? -Aye, sir. Plot a course for Kronos, Lieutenant. -Plot a course for Kronos, Lieutenant. Kronos, sir? -Kronos, sir? I'm still in the chair, Lieutenant. -I'm still in the chair, Lieutenant. Aye, sir. -Sorry - Come on, Saavik, you COULD knock - -Come on, Saavik, you COULD knock - We're almost at the rendezvous - I thought you'd want to know... -We're almost at the rendezvous - I thought you'd want to know... Right - -I gather you are not enthusiastic about the assignment... I don't think many on board are. You piloted well out of spacedock, Lieutenant - -You piloted well out of spacedock, Lieutenant - I always wanted to try that. -I always wanted to try that. Only don't try putting words in my mouth. -Uhura, hailing frequencies. Right standard rudder, bring us alongside... Right standard rudder, Z plus five degrees... -I hope you're happy. Captain. -Saavik, you know anything about a neutron energy surge? Sir? -Sir? Mr. Chekov, anything unusual? -Captain, our shields -- ! Uhura, signal our surrender. -"Who is ""US?""" I won't allow Starfleet to be dismantled over some Klingon promises. -I won't allow Starfleet to be dismantled over some Klingon promises. Starfleet will be around long enough for me to convene a Court Martial on this ship, Lieutenant. Win, lose or draw it will be on your record. -Just the prototype. You hear that? -This is Captain Sulu, USS Excelsior. Sulu! -Sulu! Standing by, Captain Kirk. -Standing by, Captain Kirk. You understand that by even talking to us, you're violating regulations, Captain. -You understand that by even talking to us, you're violating regulations, Captain. I'm sorry, Captain - your message is breaking up. -I'm sorry, Captain - your message is breaking up. Bless you, Sulu. Where's the peace conference? They're going to attempt another assassination. -Bless you, Sulu. Where's the peace conference? They're going to attempt another assassination. The Conference is at Camp Khitomer, near the Romulan border. I'm sending the exact coordinates on a coded frequency. -The Conference is at Camp Khitomer, near the Romulan border. I'm sending the exact coordinates on a coded frequency. I'm afraid we may need more than that. There's a Bird of Prey on the lookout for us. And she can fire while she's cloaked. -I'm afraid we may need more than that. There's a Bird of Prey on the lookout for us. And she can fire while she's cloaked. Surely not. -Surely not. I'm telling you. Hang on. How many of those things are there? Come on, Lieutenant, you're charged with murder... -I'm getting underway now. But you should know, I'm in alpha Quadrant. The chances of my reaching the conference in time are slim. When does this conference start? -When does this conference start? According to my information, today. -According to my information, today. Thank you, Captain Sulu. -Thank you, Captain Sulu. Don't mention it, Captain Kirk. -Me? We have volunteered to rendezvous with the Klingon ship that's bringing Chancellor Gorkon here, and escort him safely through Federation space. -I have personally vouched for you in this matter, Captain. You have personally - -WE volunteered? There's an old Vulcan proverb: only Nixon could go to China. -There's an old Vulcan proverb: only Nixon could go to China. How could you vouch for me? That's... ... arrogant presumption - -How could you vouch for me? That's... ... arrogant presumption - I was asked by my father to open neg- -I was asked by my father to open neg- I know your father's the Vulcan Ambassador for heaven's sake, but you know how I feel about this: they're animals. -I know your father's the Vulcan Ambassador for heaven's sake, but you know how I feel about this: they're animals. Jim, there is an historic opportunity here - -Jim, there is an historic opportunity here - DON'T TRUST THEM. DON'T BELIEVE THEM - -DON'T TRUST THEM. DON'T BELIEVE THEM - They're dying. -They're dying. LET THEM DIE. -Lieutenant, I am pleased to see you. The Lieutenant is the first Vulcan to be graduated at the top of her class as the Academy. Congratulations, Lieutenant. That must make you very proud... -Never been this close. The Chancellor is undoubtedly awaiting our signal. -I believe the Captain feels that Starfleet's mission has always been one of peace - Far be it for me to dispute my first officer. Starfleet has always - -I don't believe our own conduct will distinguish us in the annals of diplomacy... I'm going to sleep it off. Let me know if there's some other way we can screw up tonight. -What is it? I am uncertain. -I am uncertain. Spock, I'm really tired... -Spock, I'm really tired... We are reading an enormous amount of neutron radiation. -We are reading an enormous amount of neutron radiation. Where? -Where? Curiously it appears to emanate from us. -Curiously it appears to emanate from us. From Enterprise? -What the - We've fired on the Chancellor's ship - -We HAVEN'T fired - According to the data bank, we HAVE - twice... -I am responsible for involving you in this. I will go. I'M going. You are going to be responsible for getting me out of this. Meantime we're not going to be the instigators of a full-scale war on the eve of universal peace. -I'M going. You are going to be responsible for getting me out of this. Meantime we're not going to be the instigators of a full-scale war on the eve of universal peace. Perhaps you're right. -Captain... He was just about to explain the whole damn - -The Klingons have a new weapon: a Bird of Prey that can fire while cloaked. She torpedoed Gorkon's ship. So, that's it.. -The peace conference. What peace conference? -What peace conference? Azetbur has agreed to meet the Federation at a undisclosed location to continue her father's work... the conspirators obviously intend to try again... -I've been dead before. Uhura, raise Excelsior. She ought to have the co-ordinates. Why would they give them to us? -Why would they give them to us? The Commander is an old friend of yours. -Are you dining on worms? You were right: it was arrogant presumption that got us into this situation. You might have died. -You were right: it was arrogant presumption that got us into this situation. You might have died. The night is young. Anyway, it was logical. You know, you're a great one for logic. I'm a great one for rushing in where angels fear to tread. We're both extremists. Reality is probably somewhere in between us. -I was blind. I couldn't see past the death of my son. I couldn't trust. I too was blind. I knew about HER - and I did nothing. I trusted too much. -I too was blind. I knew about HER - and I did nothing. I trusted too much. You couldn't have known she was listening the night I dictated that entry into my log. You were proud of her achievements as a Vulcan. -You couldn't have known she was listening the night I dictated that entry into my log. You were proud of her achievements as a Vulcan. I was PREJUDUCED by those achievements. -I was PREJUDUCED by those achievements. Gorkon had to die before I understood how prejudiced I was... -Can we two have grown so old and inflexible that we have outlived our usefulness? Would that constitute a joke? "Someone said the difference between comic and cosmic is the letter ""S."" You haven't outlived your usefulness - to me. And you are not responsible just because she is also Vulcan -" -"Someone said the difference between comic and cosmic is the letter ""S."" You haven't outlived your usefulness - to me. And you are not responsible just because she is also Vulcan -" I SHOULD have been - -I SHOULD have been - Not for the actions of another. No one is responsible for any actions but his own. Human beings - -Not for the actions of another. No one is responsible for any actions but his own. Human beings - But I am not human. I am only - -But I am not human. I am only - Spock, you want to know something? -Close enough to beam down? Not yet... Section 4236... -Captain, perhaps we're going about this the wrong way; our job is to get to the conference; HER job will be to stop us. Make ourselves a target? -What's she waiting for? Probably trying to figure out why we're reversing, wondering if we detect her. -"But we haven't run out of history just yet. Your father quoted Hamlet: he called the future - ""the undiscovered country""..." I always assumed Hamlet meant death. -I always assumed Hamlet meant death. Gorkon thought the undiscovered country might mean something else - another kin of life. People can be very frightened of change. I know I was. -The only way to find out if a man's trustworthy... ... is to trust him. -Control tower, reading, Sir. Control, this is Enterprise requesting permission to depart. -Channel open, Captain. This is the Starship Enterprise, Captain James Kirk commanding. -Captain -- WE SURRENDER. -WE SURRENDER. This is Enterprise. We surrender. Repeat Enterprise surrenders -- -It's pretty chaotic over there. There's been some weapons fire and a lot of shouting... I'm going aboard. Spock, you have the conn. -Gorkon's own man?? Who else? -Uhura? Nothing, Captain. If they're here, they're rigger for silent running. -Captain, we can't see her, but she gives off heat... Not from a distance. She won't show up on ANY type of scan. -You have done well, Saavik. As your sponsor at the Academy I have followed your career with... satisfaction. And as a Vulcan. Sir, I speak to you as a kindred intellect. Do you not recognize that a turning point has been reached in the affairs of the Federation? -Sir, I speak to you as a kindred intellect. Do you not recognize that a turning point has been reached in the affairs of the Federation? I am not certain such speculations are included among your duties, Lieutenant. -You must have faith. Faith...? -Faith...? That the universe will unfold as it should. -But we can't allow them to be taken back to Kronos as prisoners. What do you suggest, Lieutenant? Opening fire won't retrieve the Captain; and an armed engagement was precisely what he wished to avoid. -How did you - ? In the meantime we must endeavor to piece together what happened here tonight. According to our data banks, this ship fired those torpedoes. -Her own father...? Such things have happened before, sir. -Any reply from Starfleet to our dispatch, Lieutenant. Not as yet, sir. -Not as yet, sir. Curious. You haven't been assisting Commander Uhura with her radio transmissions, have you, Lt? -Curious. You haven't been assisting Commander Uhura with her radio transmissions, have you, Lt? Commander Uhura has been experiencing technical difficulties sir. -Commander Uhura has been experiencing technical difficulties sir. Very well. For twenty-four hours we'll agree that this conversation did not take place. -Very well. For twenty-four hours we'll agree that this conversation did not take place. A lie? -A lie? An omission. After that - -Any progress? We've got a crew of three hundred turning their own quarters inside out, but the killers may be among them. Surely they've disposed of these boots by now. Wouldn't it have been logical to leave them on Gorkon's ship? -We've got a crew of three hundred turning their own quarters inside out, but the killers may be among them. Surely they've disposed of these boots by now. Wouldn't it have been logical to leave them on Gorkon's ship? Even logic must give way to physics. Gravity hadn't been restored by the time they escaped. Without their boots they would not have stayed on the Klingon transporter pads. -Suppose when they returned they threw the boots into the garbage? I'm having the garbage searched. If my surmise is correct these boots will cling to the killers' necks like Tiberian bats. They couldn't make their escape without them; nor can they simply throw them out a window for all to see; no - they're here. Somewhere. -A lie? An error. -If you are logical. I don't want to. -I don't want to. I believe you. Please... -But it was when you tried to persuade me the Captain was guilty that I should have understood. You can't prove any of this... -Perhaps neither of us was hearing very well that night, Lieutenant. There were things I tried to tell you too - about having faith. You've betrayed the Federation - all of you. -Direct hit - Confirmed, Captain! -Trouble? We've been ordered to - -We've been ordered to - In nineteenth century France, workers who felt their livelihood threatened by machines, flung their wooden shoes - called SABOTS - into the gears to stop them. Hence the word SABOTAGE. -In nineteenth century France, workers who felt their livelihood threatened by machines, flung their wooden shoes - called SABOTS - into the gears to stop them. Hence the word SABOTAGE. We are experiencing a technical malfunction. All backup systems inoperative. -We can send a message to Starfleet Command - I do not think so. Enterprise has disobeyed orders and harbors two escaped convicts. Admiral Donald will make certain all your ship-to- shore transmissions are jammed. -Sorry to wake you, sir, but Starfleet urgently requests any data we may have on the whereabouts of Enterprise. What? -What? Apparently they're refusing to acknowledge signal to return to spacedock, sir. -Apparently they're refusing to acknowledge signal to return to spacedock, sir. Signal Starfleet that... we have no idea location of Enterprise. -Signal Starfleet that... we have no idea location of Enterprise. Sir? -Sir? You having hearing problems, mister? -You having hearing problems, mister? No, sir. -According to this we've completed our exploration of the entire sector. Fifty-four planets - and their gaseous atmospheric anomalies. Our sensing and analytic equipment worked well. -Fifty-four planets - and their gaseous atmospheric anomalies. Our sensing and analytic equipment worked well. Then it's time we were heading home. Three years is... -I have an energy wave from 240 degrees mark six port -- Visual! -Don't tell me that was any meteor shower. Negative. The subspace shockwave originated at bearing three-two- three, mark seven-five, the location is... Praxis. A Klingon moon. Barren of indigenous life forms but - -Negative. The subspace shockwave originated at bearing three-two- three, mark seven-five, the location is... Praxis. A Klingon moon. Barren of indigenous life forms but - "Essential as a resource. Praxis is their key energy production facility. Send to Klingon High Command: ""This is Excelsior, a Federation Starship traveling through Beta Quadrant. We have monitored a large explosion in your sector. Do you require assistance?""" -I have confirmed the location, sir, but... What is it? -What is it? ... I cannot confirm the existence of Praxis. -Praxis? What's left of it. -At least we must keep track of where they are taken, sir. I - I've already addressed that question, Mr. Scott. We'll e able to follow the Captain's movements. -NO WAY! Mr. Scott, you forget yourself. Please accompany me. -It's as I said, Mr. Spock: Inventory still registers every torpedo. Yet the data banks insist we fired: twice. One computer is lying. -Yet the data banks insist we fired: twice. One computer is lying. A computer canna lie, sir. -A computer canna lie, sir. I think not. -I think not. You can check the torpedoes visually, if you like - -You can check the torpedoes visually, if you like - We'll have to check every one of them, Mr. Scott. -We'll have to check every one of them, Mr. Scott. That could take hours! -That could take hours! Nevertheless. -Nevertheless. And if they're still in place? -And if they're still in place? Then someone forged a data bank entry. -They don't place the same value on life that we do, Spock - you know that... take my word: she didn't shed one bloody tear... That's hardly conclusive, Mr. Scott, as Klingons have no tear ducts. -Twenty-four hours from now we won't have a clue where the Captain is. I know precisely where he'll be. -They dinna fire on themselves. And there were no other ships present. There was an enormous neutron energy surge. -There was an enormous neutron energy surge. Not from us! -Too far off. Very near us. Perhaps... underneath us... If another ship had been beneath us the Klingons would've seen her! -If another ship had been beneath us the Klingons would've seen her! Would they? -A Bird of Prey canna fire when she's cloaked! This one can. -This one can. They you're talking about a dreadful new engine of destruction, Mr. Spock. -They you're talking about a dreadful new engine of destruction, Mr. Spock. I believe I am. -- could take weeks, sir. Thank you, Mr. Scott. We were to return to spacedock, the killers would surely manage to dispose of their incriminating footwear. -They're outside the beaming shield. Mr. Scott, start your engines. Aye, aye, sir. -They're naturally wary, ma'am. We've been at war a long time. How do both sides overcome ingrained prejudice? -I assume command of this ship as of 0130 hours. Uhura, send to Starfleet HQ. Explain precisely what has taken place, and request instructions. Yes, sir. -Sulu's giving us his position and telling us he's standing by... He's placing himself in a most awkward position... -An ancestor of mine maintained that if you eliminate the impossible whatever remains - however improbable - must be the truth. What exactly does that mean? -What exactly does that mean? It means that if we cannot have fired those torpedoes then someone else did. -And they'd be right. We have no evidence - just a theory that happens to fit the facts... Even assuming you're correct, Mr. Spock, why would they fire on their own President? -Even assuming you're correct, Mr. Spock, why would they fire on their own President? I want this ship searched from bow to stern. Lieutenant Saavik, you are in charge. Start with the transporter room and work your way outwards... -I've pulled out my - uh wooden shoe and Starfleet is screaming for us to return to port. Mr. Scott, any progress on repairing our warp drive? -You understand that we have lost all contact with Captain Kirk...? At present, he's surrounded by a magnetic shield. If my calculations are correct, he should be deep into his escape planning by this time. -I don't think Starfleet could have envisioned our current predicament. Maybe we should write them a letter? -"Under impulse power she expends fuel like any other ship. We call it ""Plasma"" - I do not know the Klingon name for it, but by any name it is merely ionized gas." Well, what about all that atmospheric equipment we're carrying to catalogue gaseous anomalies? -They might as well arrest me, too; I felt like Lieutenant Saavik. But you didn't join a conspiracy. -Can you tell me how you came to be on the planet where we found you? "I was taken from my homeworld by people called the ""PakJeds."" They are fat. They traded me to a ship belonging to the ""Bolians."" The ""Bolians"" are blue. They put me in a seat and asked me questions. Then they were attacked by another ship..." -Fuzzy face is gone. Yes, please continue. -Yes, please continue. "I was in space for a long time. Then a ship belonging to the “Talosians"" picked me up. They asked me where I came from. I told them people called the “Pakleds"" took me from my homeworld. They are fat" -Do you know who I am? You are me. -You are me. No. My name is Data... I am your brother. -Do you know where you are? I am in a room with lights. -Can you remember our father? No. -Do you know the name of the Captain of this vessel? No. -No. Is that your final answer? -Brother. I cannot move. No, I have only activated your cognitive and communication subroutines. -No, I have only activated your cognitive and communication subroutines. Why? -Why? Because you are dangerous. -Because you are dangerous. Why? -Why? You have been programmed to gather information that can be used against this ship. -You have been programmed to gather information that can be used against this ship. I do not understand. -I do not understand. I know. -Do you know anything about Shinzon's plans against the Federation? No. -No. Do you have any knowledge of the tactical abi1ities of this ship? -Do you have any knowledge of the tactical abi1ities of this ship? No. Can I move now? -No. Can I move now? No. I must deactivate you. -No. I must deactivate you. For how long? -For how long? Indefinitely. -Indefinitely. How long is that? -I notice Dr. Crusher laughing along with the rest of you. As most of you know, the doctor will also soon be leaving the Enterprise, to assume command of Starfleet Medical. Again, I'm forced to ask, Beverly, have you considered what you're doing to little ole’ me?! I'll probably get some old battle-axe of a doctor who'll tell me to eat my vegetables and put me on report if I don’t show up for my physical on time! It'll serve you right. -Sort of like losing a son and gaining an empath, isn't it? Please, Beverly, this is hard enough. -Please, Beverly, this is hard enough. If you start tearing up I promise to beam you out. Level one medical emergency. There’s no crying in Starfleet. -When was he... created? About twenty-five years ago. They probably used a hair follicle or skin cell. -About twenty-five years ago. They probably used a hair follicle or skin cell. I think a skin cell’s the more likely of the two. -It has the ability to consume organic material at the subatomic level. I can't overestimate the danger of Thalaron radiation, Jean Luc. A microscopic amount could kill every living thing on this ship in a matter of seconds. Understood. Keep on it. I need to know what he has and how to neutralize any threat. Give me options. -Beverly, come in. You're working late. -Remember him? He was a bit proud as I recall. -He was a bit proud as I recall. He was a damn fool. Selfish and ambitious. Very much in need of seasoning. -He was a damn fool. Selfish and ambitious. Very much in need of seasoning. He turned out all right. -I so wanted to believe Shinzon. But the Thalaron radiation can't be explained away. Whatever he's after, it's not peace. Is he very much like you were? -Is he very much like you were? Yes. -Jean Luc, Whatever you were... Right now you're the man you've made yourself. He's someone else. I wish I could believe that, Doctor. -Aside from slightly elevated adrenalin and serotonin levels, you're completely normal. Can you describe it, Deanna? -The more I studied his DNA the more confusing it got. Finally I could only come to one conclusion... Shinzon was created with temporal RNA sequencing. He was designed so that at a certain point his aging process could be accelerated to reach your age more quickly, so he could replace you. But the Romulans abandoned the plan. -But the Romulans abandoned the plan. As a result the temporal sequencing was never activated. Remember, he was supposed to replace you at nearly your current age. He was engineered to skip thirty years of life. But since the RNA sequencing was never activated, his cellular structure has started to break down. He's dying. -As a result the temporal sequencing was never activated. Remember, he was supposed to replace you at nearly your current age. He was engineered to skip thirty years of life. But since the RNA sequencing was never activated, his cellular structure has started to break down. He's dying. Dying? -How long does he have? I can't be sure but the rate of decay seems to be accelerating. -But we do have one advantage. He needs your blood to live. He might come after you first. I'm counting on it... We've been ordered to head to sector 3274. Starfleet is diverting the fleet to meet us there. -To seek out new life and new civilizations. Zephyr. Cochran’s own words. When Charles Darwin set out on the H.M.S. Beagle, on his journey into the unknown... he sailed without a single musket. That was another time. -That was another time. How far we've come. Let me know if you need anything. -You can' t imagine them, Jean Luc. They're kids! All with advance degrees in xenobiology and out to conquer every disease in the quadrant. Reminds me of a young doctor I used to know... -Reminds me of a young doctor I used to know... They're running me ragged. Nothing but question day and night... I love it! Come to dinner and 1'1 tell you all about it. There's a Bajoran band at the officer's mess. -They're running me ragged. Nothing but question day and night... I love it! Come to dinner and 1'1 tell you all about it. There's a Bajoran band at the officer's mess. Not tonight, I have work here. -Not tonight, I have work here. Soon then. I’ll save the last dance for you. -So... To happy endings. To happy endings. -Sir. I noticed an interesting confluence of emotion at the wedding. I am familiar with the human concept of tears through laughter and its inverse, laughter through tears, but I could not help wondering about the human capacity for expressing both pleasure and sadness simultaneously. I understand why it would seem confusing. Certain human rituals... like weddings, birthdays or funerals evoke strong and very complex emotions. These rites carry great weight with us because they denote the passage of time. -I understand why it would seem confusing. Certain human rituals... like weddings, birthdays or funerals evoke strong and very complex emotions. These rites carry great weight with us because they denote the passage of time. And you were particularly aware of this feeling because Commander Riker will be leaving to assume command of the Titan? -And you were particularly aware of this feeling because Commander Riker will be leaving to assume command of the Titan? Will and Deanna joining the Titan. Dr. Crusher going to Starfleet Medical... -Will and Deanna joining the Titan. Dr. Crusher going to Starfleet Medical... "And this makes you ""sad""?" -"And this makes you ""sad""?" Well. I suppose it does a bit. I'm very happy for them, of course, but I'm going to miss them. The ship will seem... incomplete without them. -Well. I suppose it does a bit. I'm very happy for them, of course, but I'm going to miss them. The ship will seem... incomplete without them. That is because you have a familiarity with them. You can predict specific reactions and behavior and are comfortable in that knowledge. -That is because you have a familiarity with them. You can predict specific reactions and behavior and are comfortable in that knowledge. Yes. And, frankly, I envy them as well. They've made important choices; they're going to have great challenges ahead of them. New worlds to conquer... -The choices I made have led me here as well. This is the only home I have ever known. I cannot foresee a reason for leaving. You never know what's over the horizon, Data. Before too long you'll be offered a command of your own. -"If I were... I believe my memory engrams would sense the absence of your specific reactions and behavior. I would ""miss you.""" Now, you make a toast. -Now, you make a toast. To new worlds... -To new worlds... New worlds. Yes Data, brave new worlds... -The closest signature is two kilometers to the west... that direction, sir. Thank you, Data. Let's see what she can do. -The final signature is approx- imately 300 meters up that incline. Mister Worf, accompany Data please. -He is very observant. I can see that. -Data! Sorry, sir. -Starfleet intelligence was only able to provide a partial account of his military record. We can infer he is relatively young and a capablecommander. He fought seventeen major engagements in the war. All successful. Beyond that, we know nothing. Well... it seems we're truly sailing into the unknown. Keep at it. Anything you can give me would be appreciated. Dismissed. -Data to Captain Picard. Geordi and I have identified the source of the unauthorized computer access. And, I believe, we have also discovered an opportunity to gain a tactical advantage. On my way. -My mission was a success, sir. I have discovered the source of the Thalaron radiation. Good work. The download? -Good work. The download? He believes he has our communications protocols. But they will give him inaccurate locations for all Starfleet vessels. -A bit less florid, Data. Aye, sir... This way. -A weapon. It would appear so. -Geordi equipped me with the prototype for the Emergency Transport Unit. I recommend you use it to return to the Enterprise. It'll only work for one of us. -It'll only work for one of us. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. We'll find a way off together. Recommendations? -We'll find a way off together. Recommendations? There is a shuttlebay 948 meters from our current location. -Alacrity would be appreciated, Commander. They are trying to override the access codes. Reman is really a most complex language with pictographs representing certain verb roots and... -They are trying to override the access codes. Reman is really a most complex language with pictographs representing certain verb roots and... While I find that fascinating, Data, we really need that Goddamned door open! -What do you imagine this is? Port thrusters, sir. Would you like me to drive? -Can you open the shuttlebay doors? Affirmative, sir. Negative, sir. They have instigated security overrides and erected a force field around the external portals. -Affirmative, sir. Negative, sir. They have instigated security overrides and erected a force field around the external portals. Well then... only one way to go. -Do you think this is a wise course of action? We're about to find out... Power up disruptors and fire on my mark. -We're about to find out... Power up disruptors and fire on my mark. Ready, Captain. -Ready, Captain. Fire! -How long until we reach the fleet? At our current velocity we will arrive at sector 3274 in approximately 40 minutes. -"""For now we see but through a glass darkly..."" He said he's a mirror." Of you? -Of you? Yes. -Yes. I do not agree. Although you share the same genetic structure, the events of your life have created unique individual. -I do not agree. Although you share the same genetic structure, the events of your life have created unique individual. But so much is the same. On a biological level he is... and I will not accept the idea that there is nothing I can do. I have a responsibility to try to make a human connection with him. -But so much is the same. On a biological level he is... and I will not accept the idea that there is nothing I can do. I have a responsibility to try to make a human connection with him. "He would deny a ""human"" connection is possible. He considers himself entirely Reman." -"He would deny a ""human"" connection is possible. He considers himself entirely Reman." He may have already rejected my humanity, but you also have a twin -He may have already rejected my humanity, but you also have a twin No, sir, it is not possible. The B-9 is physically identical to me, although his neural pathways are not as advanced. But even if they were, he would not be me. -No, sir, it is not possible. The B-9 is physically identical to me, although his neural pathways are not as advanced. But even if they were, he would not be me. How can you be sure? -How can you be sure? I aspire, sir. To be better than I am. The B-9 does not. Nor does Shinzon. -We are passing through the Bassen Rift. The projections will return when we have cleared it. It's interfering with our uplink from Starfleet cartography? -It's interfering with our uplink from Starfleet cartography? Yes, sir. The Rift effects all long-range communications. -Yes, sir. The Rift effects all long-range communications. Commander Riker, evasive maneuvers! -We are losing dorsal shields. Full axis rotation to port! Fire all ventral phasers! -Captain, we have lost ventral shielding on deck twenty nine. Divert power and compensate. -We are being hailed. Deanna, stand by. Open a channel. -Sir, allow me to go. You are needed here. Negative. -Negative. Sir. -Why am I looking at me? You are not looking at your- self. You are looking at me. -You are not looking at your- self. You are looking at me. You do not look like me. -You have a red shirt. This is not an appropriate time for a conversation. -This is not an appropriate time for a conversation. Why? -Why? Because the captain has to concentrate on piloting the vehicle. -Because the captain has to concentrate on piloting the vehicle. Why? -Since positronic signatures have only been known to emanate from androids such as myself, it is logical to theorize that there is an android such as myself on Kolarus III. How many of you did Dr. Soong make? -How many of you did Dr. Soong make? I thought only me, myself and Lore. -Isolated pockets of humanoids. It appears to be a pre-warp civilization at an early stage of industrial development. Captain, I don't recommend transporting, that ion storm doesn't look very neighborly. -It could head this way with- out much warning . -Well, he seems to have the same internal mechanics as Data but not as much positronic develop- ment. The neural pathways aren't nearly as sophisticated. I’d say he's a prototype. Something Dr. Soong created before Data . Do you have a name, sir? -At present he serves no useful function. Dr. Soong created us to become active and useful members of society. I do not believe he would have wanted the B-9 to live out his life in his present state. I can't believe the Captain went along with a memory download. -I can't believe the Captain went along with a memory download. Captain Picard agrees that the B-9 was probably designed with the same self-actualization parameters as myself. If my memory engrams are successfully integrated into his positronic matrix, he should have all my abilities. -Captain Picard agrees that the B-9 was probably designed with the same self-actualization parameters as myself. If my memory engrams are successfully integrated into his positronic matrix, he should have all my abilities. He'd have all your memories too. You feel comfortable with that? -He'd have all your memories too. You feel comfortable with that? I feel nothing, Geordi. It is my belief that with my memory engrams he will be able to function as a more complete individual. -I feel nothing, Geordi. It is my belief that with my memory engrams he will be able to function as a more complete individual. An individual more like you, you mean. -An individual more like you, you mean. Yes. -Yes. Maybe he's not supposed to be like you. Maybe he's supposed to be just like he is. -What purpose does this serve? It seems to be a redundant memory port. Maybe it's for provisional memory storage in case his neural pathways overload? -It seems to be a redundant memory port. Maybe it's for provisional memory storage in case his neural pathways overload? Dr. Soong must have found it unnecessary in later versions. -Dr. Soong must have found it unnecessary in later versions. It's possible the extra memory port is interfering with the engram processing. Mind if I keep him here and run some diagnostics? -It's possible the extra memory port is interfering with the engram processing. Mind if I keep him here and run some diagnostics? No, I do not mind. -But I believe he will prove incapable of performing higher functions. Don't give up hope, Data. I know, I know, you're not capable of hope. -Don't give up hope, Data. I know, I know, you're not capable of hope. I am not. -We have lost structural integrity on decks twelve through seventeen, sections four through ten. Emergency force fields are holding. -It appears to be... ... an arm. Why is it moving? -Why is it moving? Like me, it has been designed with modular power sources. -It's you. The resemblance is... striking. -No. I would like to pick you up now. May I do that? -If you wouldn't mind. Thank you. -Really, Captain, it was a lovely toast. The least I could do for you, Deanna. Besides, you know me... I’m a talking head. -The least I could do for you, Deanna. Besides, you know me... I’m a talking head. And you needn't worry. I'll brief your new counselor on everything she needs to know. -And you needn't worry. I'll brief your new counselor on everything she needs to know. The hell you will. You know too much about me as it is ... Now you promised there are no speeches during the ceremony on Betazed. -May I have this dance? With pleasure, Captain. -Counselor. Do you have a moment, sir? -Do you have a moment, sir? Of course, sit down. -"It's about Data I've watched him with the B-9 and I'm troubled. Data's desire for a ""family"" is very strong. I'm afraid he may be investing too much in the B-9." You're speaking of emotional investment? -You're speaking of emotional investment? The B-9 is like a slow child, sir. And Data, in his own way, has assumed the position of a parent or guardian. I'm afraid he has expectations based on his own experiences. He'll be disappointed when the BI-9 cannot meet those expectations. -The B-9 is like a slow child, sir. And Data, in his own way, has assumed the position of a parent or guardian. I'm afraid he has expectations based on his own experiences. He'll be disappointed when the BI-9 cannot meet those expectations. As much as we care for him, Deanna... we have to remember that Data isn't capable of disappointment. -As much as we care for him, Deanna... we have to remember that Data isn't capable of disappointment. I don't believe that, sir. We’ve shared many disappointing journeys. -I'm going to miss you. And I you. -I would say he's been trained to resist telepathy. What I could sense of his emotions were erratic, very hard to follow. Is he sincere about wanting peace? -Is he sincere about wanting peace? I don't know. -Sir, the strongest sense I had was that he's more than urious about you. He very much wants to know you. The same way you want to know him. How could I not? -How could I not? Captain, don't assume he's anything like you are. You should resist the urge to think you know him. -Captain, don't assume he's anything like you are. You should resist the urge to think you know him. I not only know him, Deanna, I am him.. and he is me! -Shinzon's Viceroy seems to have the ability to reach into my thoughts. I've become a liability... I request to be relieved of my duties. Permission denied. If you can possibly endure any more of these assaults. I need you at my side. Now more than ever I... -How can you be certain? I know how he thinks. -Captain -- I might have a way to find them. Counselor? -Counselor? The one thing he may have forgotten in the course of battle: me. -The one thing he may have forgotten in the course of battle: me. Make it so. -But how can he? He'll kill you. This isn't about me anymore. -I'm only half human. Deanna Troi of Betazed. Empathic and telepathic abilities, ship's counselor. All of this I knew... But I didn't know you were so beautiful. -Imzadi. This is so good. No! -He can never know you as I know you... He can never touch you as I touch you. This isn't real. -This isn't real. Can you feel my hands... are they real? Can you feel my lips, my loins? -I'll always be with you now. Now and forever. You sick bastard! -You're not here. Very logical, Deanna... But your heart doesn't constrain itself to mere logic. To leave all of this behind and be with me. -No. I can feel your desire, Deanna. -Captain Picard, Commander Donatra of the Warbird Valdore. Might we be of assistance? Your timing is impeccable, Commander. -Your timing is impeccable, Commander. The Empire considers this a matter of internal security. We regret you've become involved. -The Empire considers this a matter of internal security. We regret you've become involved. When this is over, I owe you a drink. -I'm afraid that drink will have to wait, Captain. Do you have life support? -Open a channel. This is Commander Donatra of the Valdore. We're dispatching shuttles with medical personnel and supplies. -This is Commander Donatra of the Valdore. We're dispatching shuttles with medical personnel and supplies. Thank you, Commander. -It's very faint but I've isolated it to the third planet in the Kolarin system. What do we know about the planet? -What do we know about the planet? Uncharted. We'll have to get closer for a more detailed scan. -Uncharted. We'll have to get closer for a more detailed scan. Theories? -I read six distinct positronic signatures, spread out over a few kilometers on the surface. What do we know about the population? -Cannon fodder. Then how did a Reman get to be Praetor? I don't get it. -It's going to take some time to find out -- the data stream was rerouted through substations all over the ship. What programs were accessed? -What programs were accessed? That's what I don't get -- it's mostly basic stellar cartography: star charts; communications protocols; some uplinks from colony tracking stations. It's not even restricted material. -That's what I don't get -- it's mostly basic stellar cartography: star charts; communications protocols; some uplinks from colony tracking stations. It's not even restricted material. Set up a security program to detect any unusual data stream rerouting. If it happens again, we want to be ready. -Set up a security program to detect any unusual data stream rerouting. If it happens again, we want to be ready. There's something else. I was reviewing the sensor logs. -I thought Thalaron radiation was theoretical. Which is why our initial scans didn't pick it up. But he's got it, Captain. -Which is why our initial scans didn't pick it up. But he's got it, Captain. As I remember, Thalaron research was banned in the Federation because of its bioqenic properties. -It's called a Cascading Bio- genic Pulse. The unique properties of Thalaron radiation allow the energy beam to expand almost without limits. Depending on the radiant intensity it could encompass a ship... or a planet. And that's exactly what he's going to do. -He's getting his cloak back. We have exhausted our compliment of photon torpedoes. Phaser banks are down to four percent. What if we target all phasers in a concentrated attack? -What's he doing? He wants to look me in the eye. -He thinks he knows exactly what I'm going to do. Sir? -Sir? We’ve got him! -Geordi, put 211 power to the engines. Take it from life support if you have to -- everything you can give me. Aye, sir. -Aye, sir. Deanna, on my mark. -Deanna, on my mark. Ready, sir! -How long until he can fire? The targeting sequence should take about four minutes. -Prepare for a site-to-site transport. Sir, we won’t be able to bring you back. It’s a one way trip. Captain, I don't know if the transporter... -Sir, we won’t be able to bring you back. It’s a one way trip. Captain, I don't know if the transporter... That's an order, Commander. -You have the bridge, Commander. Use all available power to move away from the Scimitar. Now, Mister La Forge. Aye, sir. -Sir, we're being hailed. On screen. -Geordi... prepare the shuttle- bay for arrivals. They don't know our procedures so just... open the doors. I'll take care of it, sir. -I'll take care of it, sir. Number One. You have the bridge. -With or without the rest of the fleet? A diplomatic mission. We've been invited, believe it or not. Seems there's been some kind of internal political shakeup. The new Praetor, someone called Shinzon, has requested a Federation envoy. -A diplomatic mission. We've been invited, believe it or not. Seems there's been some kind of internal political shakeup. The new Praetor, someone called Shinzon, has requested a Federation envoy. New Praetor? -New Praetor? There's more... as always. He's Reman. -Believe me, we don't under- stand it either. You're the closest ship so I want you to high tail it over there and hear what he has to say. Get the lay of the land, If the Empire becomes unstable, it could mean trouble for the entire quadrant. Understood. -Just lucky, Admiral. Let's hope that luck holds. Janeway out. -Enterprise. We are the Reman Warbird Scimitar. Praetor Shinzon, I'm pleased to... -Praetor Shinzon, I'm pleased to... I am not Shinzon. I am his Viceroy. We are sending transport coordinates. -So, human... you've met your better self! What are you doing to Counsellor Troi? -What are you doing to Counsellor Troi? I'm preparing her for Shinzon. To sooth him as she soothes you. To stand at his side as she does at yours. -I'm preparing her for Shinzon. To sooth him as she soothes you. To stand at his side as she does at yours. That will never happen. -That will never happen. Listen to him, android. Such a small and weak creature. Yet he roars so valiantly... -It would take me but an instant to tear that valiant heart from your chest. There'll be another after me. And another after that. You'll find we're a resilient species. -There'll be another after me. And another after that. You'll find we're a resilient species. I look forward to the sport. Take him. -I won't do it. Won’t do what, Mister Worf? -Won’t do what, Mister Worf? Captain. I think it is inappropriate for a Starfleet officer to appear... Naked. -Captain. I think it is inappropriate for a Starfleet officer to appear... Naked. Come now, a big, strapping fellow like you? What are you afraid of? -I'm picking up an unusual electromagnetic signature from the Kolarin system. What sort of signature? -To find the head, sir? If you don't mind. -Sir, I recommend we raise shields. Not yet, Mister Worf. -No! Captain! -Captain! Tactical analysis, Mister Worf. -Tactical analysis, Mister Worf. Fifty-two disruptor banks, twenty-seven photon torpedo bays, primary and secondary phased shields. -We're being hailed. On screen. -Sir, we've had an unauthorized access into the main computer. Who was it? -Worf, prepare a full phaser spread, zero elevation. All banks on my mark. Scan for shield impacts and stand by photon torpedoes. Aye, sir -Sir, we're being hailed. On screen. -Coordinate our attack with the Valdore's tactical officer. Triangulate fire on any shield impacts. Aye, sir. -Captain, the Hemingway has arrived to tow us to spacedock. On my way. Please notify Commander Riker. -What's this? Your new chair, sir. -Diverting to the Kolarin system takes us awfully close to the Romulan Neutral Zone. Still well on our side... -I think it's worth a look. Don't worry, Number One, we'll get you to Betazed with time to spare. Thank you, sir... -Thank you, sir... Where we will all honor the Betazoid traditions. No cold feet, or any other parts of our anatomy. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’ll be in the gym. -Captain, I hope I don't have to remind you -- I appreciate your concern, Number One, but I've been itching to try out the Argo. -I appreciate your concern, Number One, but I've been itching to try out the Argo. Sir -- -Sir -- Captain's prerogative, Will. There's no foreseeable danger... and your wife would never forgive me if anything happened to you. -Captain, you have an Alpha Priority communication from Starfleet Command. Acknowledged ... ...I'll talk to Data. -We have to assume he had Romulan collaborators. A coup d'etat? -A coup d'etat? The Praetor's power has always been the Romulan fleet. They must be behind him. -Why don't they answer our hails? It's an old psychological strategy, Number One. To put him in a position of dominance and make us uneasy. -It's an old psychological strategy, Number One. To put him in a position of dominance and make us uneasy. It's working. -It's working. Counselor? -Captain, with all due respect to diplomatic protocols -- the Federation Council's not sitting out here, we are. Patience. Diplomacy is a very exacting occupation. We can wait. -She's not out for a pleasure cruise. She's a predator. -Not very chatty. Away team. Transporter room four. -He wasn't designed to live a complete, human life span. Can anything be done for him? -Sir? His hatred of the Federation is apparent. He would have built a weapon of that scope for one reason. He is going after Earth. -His hatred of the Federation is apparent. He would have built a weapon of that scope for one reason. He is going after Earth. Oh boy. Destroy humanity and the Federation is crippled. -Oh boy. Destroy humanity and the Federation is crippled. And the Romulans invade. -Strength in numbers? We can only hope so. -Report. He's firing through his cloak. We can't get a lock. -Counselor Troi, report to the bridge. Unless we can disable his cloak we're just going to be firing in the dark. -Unless we can disable his cloak we're just going to be firing in the dark. Agreed. -The Titan's a fine ship, will. And she's getting a captain worthy of her. She's the most beautiful ship I’ve ever seen. -But she's not the Enterprise. I promise you in time, she'll become your home ...If I could offer you one piece of advice? -I promise you in time, she'll become your home ...If I could offer you one piece of advice? Anything. -Anything. When your first officer insists that you can't go on away missions... Ignore him. -When your first officer insists that you can't go on away missions... Ignore him. I intend to. -Serving with you has been an honor. The honor was mine. Captain Riker. -I hope you'll forgive the darkness... we're not comfortable in the light. Praetor Shinzon? -And you're not as we imagined you. No? -Praetor? I've never met a human woman. -I am, Commander Riker... May I touch your hair? Praetor, we've come to Romulus on a matter we were -- assured was of great importance. If you have anything to say to us as representatives of the Federation, I suggest you do so now. -On the world I come from there's no light. No sun. Beauty isn't important. I see now there's a world elsewhere. Praetor Shinzon. We’re not here to discuss your lack of a social life. -Praetor Shinzon. We’re not here to discuss your lack of a social life. Yes, I'm sorry, Captain. There's so much we have to talk about. -Yes, I'm sorry, Captain. There's so much we have to talk about. I would be interested to know what we are talking about. -I would be interested to know what we are talking about. Unity, Captain! Tearing down the walls between us to recognize we are one people. Federation and Romulan. Human and Vulcan and Klingon and Reman. I'm speaking of the thing that makes us the same. We want peace. -I want to end the centuries of mistrust. I want to be your ally, not your enemy. As a first step I propose we eliminate the Neutral Zone and begin a free and open exchange of goods and ideas. And the Senate supports you? -And the Senate supports you? I have dissolved the Senate. -Right now, you’re thinking this all sounds too good to be true? Yes. -Yes. And you're wondering why the Scimitar is so well armed. Is this the ship of a peacemaker? Or a predator?. -But you're also thinking the chance for peace is too promising to ignore. Above allyou're trying to decide if you can trust me. Yes. -Yes. Then perhaps the time has come to add some illumination to our discussion. Computer, raise lighting four levels. -No one knew what to do. Finally I was taken to a doctor who had some experience with Terran illnesses and I was finally diagnosed with Shalaft's syndrome. Do you know of it, Captain? You know I do. -We need to talk, just you and I. Come to dinner on Romulus tomorrow. Just the two of us. Or just the one of us. -Come to dinner on Romulus tomorrow. Just the two of us. Or just the one of us. You know I need to verify this. -You know I need to verify this. I know. -And when I was ready they were going to replace you with me, an exact biological duplicate. Put a Romulan agent at the heart of Starfleet to.influence your command structure. It was a bold plan. What happened? -What happened? As happens so frequently here on Romulus, a new government came to power. They decided to abandon the plan -- frankly, I think they were afraid I'd be discovered and it would lead to war. They weren't ready for that. -Romulan ale -- I'm surprised. I can't stand it. You'll acquire a taste for it. -It's not quite the face you remember. Not quite. I envy the hair- line. -Not quite. I envy the hair- line. A lifetime of violence will do that. My nose was broken four times. And my jaw... But so much is the same. The eyes, you recognize the eyes. -A lifetime of violence will do that. My nose was broken four times. And my jaw... But so much is the same. The eyes, you recognize the eyes. Yes. The eyes have it. -Yes. The eyes have it. Our eyes reflect our lives, don't they? Yours are so confident. -Our eyes reflect our lives, don't they? Yours are so confident. How did you end up on Remus? -How did you end up on Remus? They sent me there to die. How could a mere human survive the dilithium mines? It was... I was a slave. And a monster. The only thing the Romulan guards hated more than the Remans was me. But one man took pity on me: the man who became my Viceroy. He taught me how to survive. And in that dark place, where there was nothing of myself, I found my Reman brothers. They showed me the only kindness I ever knew. -For thousands of years the Romulan Senate has met in this chamber and dictated the fate of its sister-planet... But the time has come for us to live as equals. You're doing this to liberate the Remans? -You're doing this to liberate the Remans? No race should be a slave to another. -You don't trust me. I have no reason to. -I have no reason to. Of course you do. If you had lived my life and experienced the suffering of my people... you’d be sitting where I am now. At least I hope you would. -Of course you do. If you had lived my life and experienced the suffering of my people... you’d be sitting where I am now. At least I hope you would. And if you had lived my life you would understand that there is a great respons- ibility in representing the Federation. I can't let my personal feelings unduly influence my decisions. -And if you had lived my life you would understand that there is a great respons- ibility in representing the Federation. I can't let my personal feelings unduly influence my decisions. All I have is my personal feelings. I wasn't raised with the ideals of the Federation. But I'm trying to understand them now. To live up to them. To live up to you. -I want to know where I come from. The Remans gave me a future. You can tell me about my past. There's so much, and so much of it is dull... -There's so much, and so much of it is dull... Were we always explorers? -Were we always explorers? No. I was the first Picard to leave Earth. It caused quite a stir, In fact. But I had spent my whole life... -No. I was the first Picard to leave Earth. It caused quite a stir, In fact. But I had spent my whole life... Looking up at the stars. -Looking up at the stars. Yes. -Yes. And you dreamed about what was up there. About... -And you dreamed about what was up there. About... New worlds. -After you, Praetor. Age before rank, Jean Luc. -So I'm not as tall as you expected? I always hoped I would hit two meters. -I always hoped I would hit two meters. With a full head of hair. -With a full head of hair. There is that. -Shinzon... I'm trying to believe you. I know. -I know. If there's one ideal the Federation holds most dear it's that all men, all races, can be united. From the first time the Vulcans came to Earth we've sought a future of peace. Nothing would make me more proud than to take your hand in friend- ship. In time. When trust has been earned. -If there's one ideal the Federation holds most dear it's that all men, all races, can be united. From the first time the Vulcans came to Earth we've sought a future of peace. Nothing would make me more proud than to take your hand in friend- ship. In time. When trust has been earned. I'm honored to think I might someday speak with such eloquence. -In time, Jean Luc. In time. -Hello, Jean Luc. Why am I here? -Why am I here? I was lonely... -What are you doing? I need a sample of your blood. What do your Borg friends say? Resistance is futile. -All of this so you could capture me? Don't be so vain. After we found it, we made a few modifications. An extra memory port, a hidden transponder. Perhaps your eyes will be a bit less confident when you learn I've gained access to Starfleet's communications protocols. I now know the location of your entire fleet ... You may go. -Maybe I'll train it to do little tricks for me like your robot does. Or maybe I’ll snap its ugly head off. What's this all about? -What's this all about? It's about destiny, Picard. About a Reman outcast who... -It's about destiny, Picard. About a Reman outcast who... You're not Reman. -You're not Reman. And I'm not quite human. So what am I? What do you see? Do you see a life you might have led? Lost youth never to be recaptured? -And I'm not quite human. So what am I? What do you see? Do you see a life you might have led? Lost youth never to be recaptured? I see a young man trying desperately to deny who he is. -I see a young man trying desperately to deny who he is. I see an old man, set in his ways, afraid to live without a uniform to prop him up and a Starfleet regulation to tell him what to do. I see the man I will never be. -I see an old man, set in his ways, afraid to live without a uniform to prop him up and a Starfleet regulation to tell him what to do. I see the man I will never be. I won't defend my life to you. -I won't defend my life to you. My life is meaningless as long as you're alive. What am I while you exist? A shadow? An enigma? -My life is meaningless as long as you're alive. What am I while you exist? A shadow? An enigma? If your issues are with me... This has nothing to do with my ship and nothing to do with the Federation. -If your issues are with me... This has nothing to do with my ship and nothing to do with the Federation. Oh, but it does. We will no longer bow like slaves before anyone. Not the Romulans and not your mighty Federation. We're a race bred for war. For conquest. -Oh, but it does. We will no longer bow like slaves before anyone. Not the Romulans and not your mighty Federation. We're a race bred for war. For conquest. Think about what you're doing, Shinzon. Are you ready to plunge the entire quadrant into war to satisfy your own personal demons? -Think about what you're doing, Shinzon. Are you ready to plunge the entire quadrant into war to satisfy your own personal demons? It amazes me how little you know yourself. -It amazes me how little you know yourself. I'm incapable of such an act, and so are you. -I'm incapable of such an act, and so are you. I think the facts speak for themselves. The same noble Picard blood runs in our veins. Had you lived my life, you'd be doing exactly as I am. Look in the mirror, and see yourself. -You can't trace my holographic emitters, Captainn. So don't bother. And you can't contact Starfleet. We're quite alone. We are. -We are. It's just the two of us now, Jean Luc, as it should be... Your ship and mine... You and me. -It's just the two of us now, Jean Luc, as it should be... Your ship and mine... You and me. Why are you here? -Why are you here? To accept your surrender. I can clearly destroy you at any time. Lower your shields and allow me to transport you to my ship. -To accept your surrender. I can clearly destroy you at any time. Lower your shields and allow me to transport you to my ship. And what of the Enterprise? -And what of the Enterprise? I have little interest in your quaint vessel, Captain. If the Enterprise will withdraw to a distance of one hundred light years, it will not be harmed. -I have little interest in your quaint vessel, Captain. If the Enterprise will withdraw to a distance of one hundred light years, it will not be harmed. You know that's not possible. -You know that's not possible. I know... you'll all gladly die to save your home world. -I know... you'll all gladly die to save your home world. Look at me, Shinzon! Do you feel the blood pumping inside you? Your hands, your eyes, your nature, are the same as mine. Buried deep inside you beneath the years of pain and anger is a capacity you've forgotten. It's the one way our mirror can reflect the two of us exactly because it's the very thing that truly defines us. To be human is to try to make yourself better than you are. -I know you as well as I know myself, Shinzon. There was a time you looked at the stars and dreamed of what might be. Long ago. -Long ago. Not so long. -Not so long. Childish dreams, Captain. Lost in the dilithium mines of Remus. I'm what you see now. -Childish dreams, Captain. Lost in the dilithium mines of Remus. I'm what you see now. I see more than what you are. -The man who is Jean Luc Picard and Shinzon of Remus won't exterminate the population of an entire planet! He is better than that! He is what his life has made him! -Yes. So if I gave you my life, what would you do with it? Would you spend the years in a blaze of hatred as you are now? Or could you change? Could you try to remember a mother's touch you never felt? A father's words you never heard? Could you do that? -So if I gave you my life, what would you do with it? Would you spend the years in a blaze of hatred as you are now? Or could you change? Could you try to remember a mother's touch you never felt? A father's words you never heard? Could you do that? I don't know. -I don't know. But you want to. -That's your life... not mine. Please. -Please. It’s too late. -It’s too late. You can still make a choice! Make the right one now! -You can still make a choice! Make the right one now! I have no choices! I can't fight what I am! -I hope you're still alive, Jean Luc. I am. -I am. Don't you think it's time to surrender? I'll have my cloak back in a matter of minutes and your poor ship is shot to pieces. Why should the rest of your crew have to die? -Praetor, we've received the transponder signal. On my way. -Report! Two ships decloaking, sir! Romulan! -Target disruptors. Destroy them. Disruptors are off-line, sir. -Deploy the weapon. Kill everything on that ship. Then set a course for Earth. What about Picard? -What about Picard? Our greater goal is more important, brother. -Our greater goal is more important, brother. But, Praetor, you won't survive without him... -Well, that sounds relaxing too. It is... invigorating. -So they’ve got him up and running. He's a very unusual android. -He's a very unusual android. Runs in the family. -My God... Should I raise shields? -Minimal damage to the Scimitar. Defensive pattern Kirk Epsilon. Geordi, get those shields online. -Believe it or not, I think the cavalry has arrived. We're being hailed. -Intruder alert! Let's go. -Are we prepared? Yes, Praetor. -This is a mistake. He's gentler than I thought. And he has a sense of humor. -He's gentler than I thought. And he has a sense of humor. Don't forget our mission, Shinzon. We should act. Now. Time is running out. -Don't forget our mission, Shinzon. We should act. Now. Time is running out. My time. I'll spend it how I choose. -The bond is broken. Find her again. -Find her again. No -- this is wasting time. -No -- this is wasting time. Do as I tell you! -It's accelerating. You have no more time for games. Have the doctors prepare. I'll be on the bridge.' -How long? A matter of hours now. -How long until we reach the Rift? Seven minutes. -Let her pursue -- drop cloak on the aft port quadrant and prepare for full emergency stop. What?! -What?! You heard me. -Praetor... FULL STOP AND FIRE ! -What is it?!! Focus on your job!! She is here. -Join us, Commanders. Now what's the disposition of the fleet? They're holding position. -They're holding position. And? -And? They will obey, Praetor. -They will obey, Praetor. It's imperative we retain their allegiance or our great mission will be strangled before it can truly draw breath. -How many Warbirds will you need? None. -Praetor. You have the whole fleet at your disposal. They supported the coup, they'll follow you. The Scimitar will serve my needs. -The Scimitar will serve my needs. But surely... -But surely... I came this far alone ... -Then I don't understand the reason for the delay! You don't have to understand. -You don't have to understand. And bringing the Enterprise here?! What possible purpose could that serve? -And bringing the Enterprise here?! What possible purpose could that serve? I have a purpose. -I have a purpose. Then perhaps you will enlight- en us? -Then perhaps you will enlight- en us? Silence, Romulan! -You must learn patience, Commander. Do you know where I learned it? In the dilithium mines of Remus. Spend eighteen hours every day under the ash of a Romulan guard’s whip and you'll soon understand patience. Praetor. -Praetor. Now go. I have some personal business. -I thought we discussed patience, Commander. And mine is wearing thin, young man! We supported you because you promised action. And yet you delay and you waste your time playing games with Picard while-- -Commander Suran, the games are over. In two days the Federation will be crippled beyond repair. Does that satisfy you? For the moment. -For the moment. And when I return... you and I shall have a little talk about showing proper respect! -Benny, God, take it easy... I don't want to scare them away. -Right in line with that burning tree. I don't see anything. -I don't see anything. It's there. The fog's thicker now, but it's there. What do you think started those fires? -Benny, there's nothing there. There is. They came out of the belly of the ship and then went to the first terrace and flew down into the houses. -There is. They came out of the belly of the ship and then went to the first terrace and flew down into the houses. Flew?! Oh, come on Benny... -What did I tell you? Probably kids. -Don't you think you should call a backup? No, we can handle this. -Mike, call for back-up. Benny, you all right? I don't think so... -I don't think so... Benny, this is me. I'm going to take a look. -Gate three. It's boarding now. Thank you. -Thank you. Have a nice trip. -What can I do for you folks? How much are your rooms? -How much are your rooms? Thirty-seven fifty for one person, forty-nine fifty for two. -You have one with two beds? Sure. -Sure. I'll take that. -I'll take that. Fill this out. Will this be cash or credit card? -Fill this out. Will this be cash or credit card? Credit card. -Credit card. I'll have to run your card off now. -I'll have to run your card off now. We're only going to be here a few hours... -We're only going to be here a few hours... It's still the full price. -Do you have a good map of Death Valley? We should have. Let me see. -Food. Eat. I prepare food. I work as a cook. That's how I make money. I understand. -I understand. What do you do? -What do you do? I make maps. -I make maps. Hey, that sounds interesting. You like it? -Hey, that sounds interesting. You like it? Eh... yes. -Eh... yes. Make any money? -Make any money? No. -No. You don't get rich as a cook, either, believe me. I got a girl going to college this fall. The wife had to go back to nursing to help pay for it. -Do you have children? No. -No. They're damned expensive and a pain in the ass sometimes, but I wouldn't trade having them for anything. -What do you think of America? It is beautiful. -Well, here we are... You go down that ramp there, you're sure to get a ride. Thank you. -Thank you. And don't be shy about your English. You speak better than a lot of people I know. Take care of yourself. -No!!! No!!! He's got a gun!! -Where did you stop last? What the hell do you think you're doing? -What the hell do you think you're doing? Where did you stop last? -Where did you stop last? Stay right there... -Stay right there... What was your last stop? -What was your last stop? Elmo's... -Elmo's... Where's that? -Where's that? About five miles back. -We're going... Damn! We'll tell the press that there was an accident. Chemical warfare spill. That cover cannot be violated in any way. Understand me, Shermin? Major Bell here, sir. We have to tell these people that we're friendly. That this whole thing was a mistake. Is anyone trying to contact the ship? -Major Bell here, sir. We have to tell these people that we're friendly. That this whole thing was a mistake. Is anyone trying to contact the ship? Shermin, I want you and Bell to start looking for the one on the ground. -Recognize this? It's a copy of the plaque NASA sent into space on the Pioneer probes. -It's a copy of the plaque NASA sent into space on the Pioneer probes. Houston found it in the extraterrestrial's suit. -Houston found it in the extraterrestrial's suit. They must have picked it up in space. -It's real, George. There's no mistake? You're absolutely sure? -There's no mistake? You're absolutely sure? I saw it with my own eyes. We've killed an extraterrestrial and... -I saw it with my own eyes. We've killed an extraterrestrial and... Is there any possibility that it's a hoax? Could you be mistaken? -Is there any possibility that it's a hoax? Could you be mistaken? None. And there's another one in the area that's alive. I don't know if it's the only one. I don't know if it was left here by accident or it's part of an inva... -None. And there's another one in the area that's alive. I don't know if it's the only one. I don't know if it was left here by accident or it's part of an inva... Get the body out of there. Load it on the Air Force chopper and get it to Wright Patterson. They'll take it from there... We didn't expect this, Shermin. -Get the body out of there. Load it on the Air Force chopper and get it to Wright Patterson. They'll take it from there... We didn't expect this, Shermin. Neither did I. -We'll need a lot of help, George. You could hide an army up here. I'm going to the White House right now. I'll try and get you everything you need. -I'm going to the White House right now. I'll try and get you everything you need. Wait, wait... What are my orders if we find this thing? -Contain it and get back to me. What do you mean by 'contain?' -Then it's not an accident that they found us. We don't think that's necessarily bad. At least it's a point of contact. -We don't think that's necessarily bad. At least it's a point of contact. Not necessarily bad! If they knew we were here why didn't they let us know they were coming? -Not necessarily bad! If they knew we were here why didn't they let us know they were coming? We'll get those answers when you find the one you're looking for. -We'll get those answers when you find the one you're looking for. That's not going to happen, George, unless you get us the help you promised us. -That's not going to happen, George, unless you get us the help you promised us. We've been back and forth on this all day and keeping in mind the panic that would occur if this got to the general public, it's been decided not to expand the search at this time. -We've been back and forth on this all day and keeping in mind the panic that would occur if this got to the general public, it's been decided not to expand the search at this time. Don't let them do it this way, George. It's too important. We can't find this thing alone. -Don't let them do it this way, George. It's too important. We can't find this thing alone. You have to. We're trying to contact the ship. If we do, I'll let you know immediately. Good luck. -George, we've just confirmed the existence of the live extraterrestrial. When can we expect containment? -When can we expect containment? Well, we're in pursuit of a green Mustang... -Well, we're in pursuit of a green Mustang... It's in a green Mustang? -It's in a green Mustang? Yes. It's kidnapped a woman at gunpoint and from what we can make out is forcing her to drive it somewhere. -Why did you let it get into a populated area? It's taken on a disguise. -It's taken on a disguise. Clarify that. -Clarify that. It's made itself look like the woman's dead husband. -The extraterrestrial now looks like this. Oh shit!!! -You sure you want this, because... that's putting an awful lot of faith in people we have no control over... I'm afraid the situation demands that kind of risk. -I'm afraid the situation demands that kind of risk. I don't like it, George... -I don't like it, George... Dammit Shermin. Earlier you were asking for help. What's changed? -Dammit Shermin. Earlier you were asking for help. What's changed? It's messy... the thing's got a gun... We're just asking for somebody to get killed... -It's messy... the thing's got a gun... We're just asking for somebody to get killed... We don't know what else to do. We need results. -We don't know what else to do. We need results. You'll get results one way or the other, that's for sure... Okay. -You'll get results one way or the other, that's for sure... Okay. I'm gonna be here if you need anything. -We're growing very concerned back here. There's no use pretending otherwise. We're rapidly approaching a 'condition red.' People are beginning to ask difficult questions. I'll make this as simple as I can, George. They disappeared. -I'll make this as simple as I can, George. They disappeared. I don't care where you're from you just can't disappear into thin air. -I don't care where you're from you just can't disappear into thin air. George, listen to what you're saying. This thing's changed itself into a man. Disappearing may not be that big a deal. -George, listen to what you're saying. This thing's changed itself into a man. Disappearing may not be that big a deal. So far you've let it cross the heart of America. For two days it has been absorbing information that is detrimental to our security. I don't see the humor in that. -Maybe... look, this is just something to think about... from what I got at the shopping center, it was more scared than anything else... I don't feel it's as big a threat as you think it is... Is that what's affecting your performance? -Is that what's affecting your performance? I'm not being unpatriotic, and I'm doing my damndest to catch them. Bell's up on 80 and I'm down here on 70 past Grand Junction. They're heading west. If they're not flying we have a damn good chance of getting them. All I'm asking is that you people think about it. -I'm not being unpatriotic, and I'm doing my damndest to catch them. Bell's up on 80 and I'm down here on 70 past Grand Junction. They're heading west. If they're not flying we have a damn good chance of getting them. All I'm asking is that you people think about it. You just do your job, Shermin. We'll make the policy. -Hello George. Shermin... -Shermin... What's all this for? -What's all this for? We have a new directive. I'm taking over. -We have a new directive. I'm taking over. We don't have to do it that way. We can catch him this time. -We don't have to do it that way. We can catch him this time. Washington thinks it's too late for that. -Washington thinks it's too late for that. I've never been taken off an assignment in my life. Give me twenty- four hours and I'll have him for you. -I've never been taken off an assignment in my life. Give me twenty- four hours and I'll have him for you. You're not hearing me. -You're not hearing me. You can change a directive, George. You've done it before. Listen to me. He's going somewhere in Death Valley. Lathrop Wells was never anything but a bus stop. East is the nuclear site. There are no roads in there. She was teaching him to hitchhike. I'm telling you. We block the four roads into Death Valley and we got him. -You can change a directive, George. You've done it before. Listen to me. He's going somewhere in Death Valley. Lathrop Wells was never anything but a bus stop. East is the nuclear site. There are no roads in there. She was teaching him to hitchhike. I'm telling you. We block the four roads into Death Valley and we got him. We'll do that. But how are we going to hold him? He can change himself into a man. He can disappear. -We'll do that. But how are we going to hold him? He can change himself into a man. He can disappear. That's the chance we have to take. -That's the chance we have to take. No, we don't. -No, we don't. Then you're going to have to do it without me. -Then you're going to have to do it without me. You're a career intelligence officer, Shermin. You'll be in the air with us. -You're a career intelligence officer, Shermin. You'll be in the air with us. You're talking about taking a life. The most unique life form on this planet. I think we're better than that. -No deal. I'm afraid we can't let you go. -George... Do you hear me, George? What? -What? I just retired. -I just retired. Shermin!! Shermin!!! -Mrs. Haydn... This is George Fox... -This is George Fox... I want to speak to Marc Shermin. -I want to speak to Marc Shermin. You can speak to me, Mrs. Haydn. I'm in charge of this operation now. -You can speak to me, Mrs. Haydn. I'm in charge of this operation now. If I don't speak to Mr. Shermin, I'm hanging up. -If I don't speak to Mr. Shermin, I'm hanging up. Okay... -I won't let anyone hurt you. Watch it. They're coming out. -This is Marc Shermin. Where are you, Mrs. Haydn? I don't know. Someplace called Elmo's. Look, I just wanted to tell you that I'm all right and I'm on my way home. -I don't know. Someplace called Elmo's. Look, I just wanted to tell you that I'm all right and I'm on my way home. You've been through quite an ordeal, Mrs. Haydn. Why don't you stay where you are and let us pick you up? We'll fly you home. -You've been through quite an ordeal, Mrs. Haydn. Why don't you stay where you are and let us pick you up? We'll fly you home. No. You'll want to ask a lot of questions I don't want to answer right now. I already have a ride. -Is the man who kidnapped you there now? I told you. He let me go. I'm on my way home. -I told you. He let me go. I'm on my way home. Get a highway patrol unit over there. -Mr... I'm sorry, what was your name again? Marc Shermin. -Marc Shermin. Mr. Shermin, I'm hanging up now. If you want to ask me any questions, call me at home in a couple of days. I'm in the book. -Mr. Shermin, I'm hanging up now. If you want to ask me any questions, call me at home in a couple of days. I'm in the book. Do you know what you were kidnapped by? -Mrs. Haydn... He doesn't want to hurt anybody. Please leave him alone. -He doesn't want to hurt anybody. Please leave him alone. Is he on his way to Lathrop Wells? -Please... Don't... don't do this... please... -Please. Why are you doing this to me? I'll give you whatever... -Please... Which way do you want to go? -What? What. -Ah... no... Ah no. -Steering wheel... What. -Steering wheel. Steering wheel. -Steering wheel. Gear shift. -Gear shift. Gear shift. -Gear shift. Dashboard. -Dashboard. Dashboard. -What?! Eh... police. -Eh... police. Police... -Steering wheel... gear shift... dashboard... Good. -Good. Good. -Which way? That way. -What? Flashlight. -What? Coupons. -What? Pancakes. -Pancakes. Pancakes. -What? X... -Money. Money. -Mi-chi-gan driver li-see-ens... Jennyhaydn... Money? We're going to have to stop for gas soon. -What? Smile. -Smile. Smile... good? -Smile... good? Yes. -What?! Minneapolis. -Minneapolis. Minneapolis... Minneapolis... -Minneapolis... Minneapolis... What are you doing? -Minneapolis... good. You're full of tricks, aren't you? -No gas. No gas. -No gas. This car runs on gas. -No gas... car dead. We need gas. I don't want to get shot for running out of gas. Gas good? -Gas good? Yes. Very good. -Go. It's closed... closed. We need one that's open. -It's closed... closed. We need one that's open. Closed? -Closed? You'll see. -What? Not what. Who. What is for things. What? What? What? What? For people you use who. Who is he? Who is she? Who are you? Who am I? -Who is he? Who is she? Who are you? Who am I? Who are you? I am Jenny Haydn. -I am Jenny Haydn. Jennyhaydn. -Who are you? I am... -That's a big help. Where are you from? From? -From? Are you from up there? Space? -Are you from up there? Space? Space? -Space? Up there... I... eh... can't explain... But that's the only place you could be from. -Gas. Closed. -No gas. I know. -Who? My... husband. -My... husband. I am husband? -I am husband? No. I don't know what you are, but you're not Scott. -Shit. Shit? -Shit? No, no... don't say that. Bad word. -No, no... don't say that. Bad word. Shit... shit... what shit? -Shit... shit... what shit? Stop!! Enough!! Jesus! You're worse than a parrot!! -Who? Attendant. He'll give us gas. Put the gun down. Under the seat. Under the seat... -Attendant. He'll give us gas. Put the gun down. Under the seat. Under the seat... No. -No. Oh God! You're going to get us both killed. Okay... in your pocket... -In your pocket, please... You. Mouth closed. -You. Mouth closed. Okay. -Satisfied? Now get out. Out. No. -Money. Yes. -What? Candy. -What is... ...Coke? A drink. -A drink. I... -I... You want to try it? -You want to try it? I want to try it. -I want to try it. This stuff could kill... Be my guest. -What's the matter? Shit! -Horses. Horses. -What? Music. -That was a red light!! I told you you have to stop at a red light!! It was yellow. -It was yellow. You didn't even see it. -I will see it next time. You better. -Why are you going here? What is here? My... ...car will take me... ...up there... home. -When do you have to be here? I do not understand. -I do not understand. How will I do this one?... -Sun... Yes. -Yes. Sun... day. No sun... night. You understand? -Sun... day. No sun... night. You understand? Yes. Day... night. -Yes. Day... night. How many days and nights do you have to go... ...here? -How many days and nights do you have to go... ...here? Three nights... two days. -Three nights... two days. That's not much time. I'll just slow you down. I have to sleep. I'm very tired. And I have to wash and eat. You don't... -That's not much time. I'll just slow you down. I have to sleep. I'm very tired. And I have to wash and eat. You don't... I need you. -I need you. I won't tell anybody if that's what you're worried about. I promise. You'll keep... -I won't tell anybody if that's what you're worried about. I promise. You'll keep... No. -No. You'll keep the car. I'll take a bus... Am I going up there with you... in your ship... up there? -You'll keep the car. I'll take a bus... Am I going up there with you... in your ship... up there? No. -No. Then let me go. You don't need me. -Then let me go. You don't need me. No. -No. I feel like I'm going crazy here. You're Scott. But he's dead. I don't know what's real anymore. I can't be here with you. -Do you understand what I'm saying to you? You can keep the car. That should be enough for gas from here to there. Please let me go. When we get here. -The closest I was able to get you was Lathrop Wells... Is that a baby? -Is that a baby? Yes. -Yes. A baby is a new person? -A baby is a new person? Eh... yes... -Eh... yes... Do you have a baby? -Do you have a baby? No... The closest... -No... The closest... Why? -Why? I'd love to have a baby. But I can't... -I'd love to have a baby. But I can't... Why? -Why? I can't... Forget the baby. Okay? The closest I was able to get you was Lathrop Wells. You'll have to hitchhike the rest of the way. -But I must go here. I know that. But the buses don't go there. -I know that. But the buses don't go there. What is hitchhike? -What is hitchhike? That's easy. I'll explain that in a minute. This is your ticket. When you get on the bus here, the driver will take this part. You will ride to Omaha. When you get to Omaha, ask the driver. 'Salt Lake City, please. I do not speak English.' -Say it. 'Salt Lake City, please. I do not speak English.' -'Salt Lake City, please. I do not speak English.' The driver will... -The driver will... But I speak English. -But I speak English. Will you please do it my way? You'll get into trouble if you don't. If anybody talks to you, tell them... I do not speak English. -Will you please do it my way? You'll get into trouble if you don't. If anybody talks to you, tell them... I do not speak English. I do not speak English. -I do not speak English. Right. In Omaha the driver will put you on the bus for Salt Lake City and the new driver will take... ...this part. When you get to Salt Lake City, ask the driver, 'Las Vegas, please'... -Right. In Omaha the driver will put you on the bus for Salt Lake City and the new driver will take... ...this part. When you get to Salt Lake City, ask the driver, 'Las Vegas, please'... 'Las Vegas, please. I do not speak English.' What is hitchhike? -'Las Vegas, please. I do not speak English.' What is hitchhike? You want this ticket? -You want this ticket? Yes. -Yes. Then don't be smart. -'Lathrop Wells, please. I do not speak English.' You keep this. Now this is hitch- hike... You stand on the side of the road, the highway... you understand? And you face the cars going in the direction you want to go. When you see a car or a truck coming, you stick out your thumb like this... -Your thumb tells the driver that you want a ride. The car will stop? -The car will stop? Not every car, but... a car will stop... Maybe not the first car... maybe number eight, number fifteen... -When do I get to Lathrop Wells? Tomorrow morning. Start hitch-hiking right away and... -Don't worry. They're not going to hurt you. Come on. Only show this to the driver. Nobody else. And don't lose it. Can I have the gun? -Can I have the gun? No. -Don't be afraid. Do what I told you and you'll be okay. Yes. -Well... I'm going to go now. Go? -Go? Yes. I have a long ride ahead of me... Goodbye. -Yes. I have a long ride ahead of me... Goodbye. Goodbye. -Jennyhaydn. Yes? -Yes? Please stay. -Goodbye. What? -What? It's a kiss... Goodbye... -What happened? I was afraid. -Why did your ship land on this planet... on Earth? It was a mistake. -You thought we were a different planet?! No. My ship was doing a map of all the suns and... -No. My ship was doing a map of all the suns and... Stars... When a sun is far away, we call it a 'star.' -Stars... When a sun is far away, we call it a 'star.' We were doing a map of the stars and all the other things up there when we saw a small ship. My... eh... we kidnapped it. On it there was a map that said how to come to Earth. This was very important. Before then, we thought we were the only people in all the stars. -We were doing a map of the stars and all the other things up there when we saw a small ship. My... eh... we kidnapped it. On it there was a map that said how to come to Earth. This was very important. Before then, we thought we were the only people in all the stars. You did? That's funny. So did we. -You did? That's funny. So did we. Yes? -Yes? Yes. -Yes. We told our home, and the people who tell us what to do on my planet said to come and look but not to talk, not to land, not to shoot. Just to look from up there. We came and... the driver of my ship... -We told our home, and the people who tell us what to do on my planet said to come and look but not to talk, not to land, not to shoot. Just to look from up there. We came and... the driver of my ship... The captain... -The captain... The captain wanted to land to see close and to get some things from Earth to take home. The police came and shot at us. One of the people from my ship was killed. -The captain wanted to land to see close and to get some things from Earth to take home. The police came and shot at us. One of the people from my ship was killed. Oh, that's terrible. I'm sorry. Was he a good friend? -Oh, that's terrible. I'm sorry. Was he a good friend? I don't understand 'friend.' -I don't understand 'friend.' A friend is a person that is good to you... someone you like to be with... someone you like to laugh with... -A friend is a person that is good to you... someone you like to be with... someone you like to laugh with... He was a good friend... The captain took the ship away fast and I was not in the ship. -He was a good friend... The captain took the ship away fast and I was not in the ship. The police shouldn't have started shooting. But you can hardly blame them. You surprised them. They didn't know you were up there. When they saw you, they thought you were here to hurt us. -The police shouldn't have started shooting. But you can hardly blame them. You surprised them. They didn't know you were up there. When they saw you, they thought you were here to hurt us. I understand. -I understand. Sounds like your captain's going to get hell when he gets back home. -Sounds like your captain's going to get hell when he gets back home. What is hell? -What is hell? It's bad. -It's bad. He will. -What are you doing? Are you my friend? -Are you my friend? Yes. -Yes. I am your friend. -Nobody knows. Why? -Why? I don't know. -I like this music. I've noticed... Do you understand what they're saying? -I've noticed... Do you understand what they're saying? Not all... but it feels like a kiss. -Do you have music up there? Yes. -Yes. I'd like to hear it. Can you sing something? -I'd like to hear it. Can you sing something? I do not want to. -I do not want to. Don't be afraid... I'd really like to hear it. -I am not a good singer. That was beautiful. -That was beautiful. You liked my singing? -You liked my singing? Yes. Sing some more. -Put that back. But I have never seen this before. I am not complete. -You shouldn't drink so much of that stuff. It's bad for you. On the radio they say it's good. -On the radio they say it's good. Hurry up. -The machine gave me two. Should I put one back? No. Get in. -No. Get in. You can have one. -You can have one. I'm not sleepy anymore. Let's drive for a little while longer. -Are you angry at me? No. I'm just not tired. Let's go. -I told you goodbye. Why are you here? The police are waiting for you up ahead. There's a roadblock. You have to go back. -The police are waiting for you up ahead. There's a roadblock. You have to go back. This car will take me to Las Vegas. I cannot go back. -This car will take me to Las Vegas. I cannot go back. The police know about Lathrop Wells. We have to go another way. Come on. -If I don't meet the ship, my people will go home without me. Please understand. If you go this way, you'll never get to your ship. The police know about Lathrop Wells. We have to go another way. I'll get you to your ship. I promise. -Please understand. If you go this way, you'll never get to your ship. The police know about Lathrop Wells. We have to go another way. I'll get you to your ship. I promise. I will go. But not you. -I will go. But not you. You shit! I'll decide if I go or not. Not you. I don't know what you do on your planet, but I didn't think that was very nice walking out on me like you did. -You shit! I'll decide if I go or not. Not you. I don't know what you do on your planet, but I didn't think that was very nice walking out on me like you did. I don't want you to be hurt. -I don't want you to be hurt. Come on. -Where are you going? I must meet my ship. -I must meet my ship. Why can't we wait here for a ride? -Why can't we wait here for a ride? I feel better if I move. -I feel better if I move. We're hundreds of miles from where you have to be. -Asshole!! Where did you learn that? -Where did you learn that? The cook. -We're not going to get a ride tonight. I can't stay on this planet. -I can't stay on this planet. No one's traveling in this weather. -No one's traveling in this weather. You promised you would get me to my ship. -You promised you would get me to my ship. I will. I will. We still have another day. -I will. I will. We still have another day. You promised. -You promised. What do you want from me? There are no cars on this road. I didn't ask for this stupid storm. -What are you saying? You can stop. I will go on alone. -You can stop. I will go on alone. We're too far away to walk. Don't you understand? -Why don't you send one of your radio balloons and tell your captain that you might be late? I used the last one to jump off the cliff... -I used the last one to jump off the cliff... Let's find a place out of the rain. I'm sure we'll get a ride in the morning. -Let's find a place out of the rain. I'm sure we'll get a ride in the morning. I can't be late. I don't know if the radio balloons work above your planet. I don't know if my words went to the ship. If I'm not there, the captain will think I'm dead and go. -I can't be late. I don't know if the radio balloons work above your planet. I don't know if my words went to the ship. If I'm not there, the captain will think I'm dead and go. We'll get a ride in the morning. -You are cold. You're damn right I am. -You're damn right I am. I do not get cold. -What? Nothing. -Good morning. Horses. -Horses. You don't forget anything, do you? -You don't forget anything, do you? No. -Hello... hello. How are you this morning? Do they talk?! -Do they talk?! No, they don't talk... We talk to them. -No, they don't talk... We talk to them. I understand. -Oh, you're pretty... I gave you a baby last night. -They are beautiful. Yes, they are. -Yes, they are. You have been very good to me, Jennyhaydn. You said you wanted a baby, so I gave you one. -You have been very good to me, Jennyhaydn. You said you wanted a baby, so I gave you one. But... -But... It will be human and it will look like this. But when it comes it will know everything I know and everything you know. That is something from my planet that I want your baby to have. -It will be human and it will look like this. But when it comes it will know everything I know and everything you know. That is something from my planet that I want your baby to have. I told you it's impossible for me to have a baby. -I told you it's impossible for me to have a baby. You will have this baby. If you want it. If you don't, I can stop it now. -The cowboys were right. You can make money fast gambling. You don't make money gambling. You lose it. -May I have twenty-five cents, please? What for? -What for? I want to gamble. -Here are two quarters. When you lose these, you're not going to get anymore. I understand. Thank you. -This is crazy. We don't have time for this. I know how to gamble now. -I know how to gamble now. You won ten dollars. Big deal. If we don't get a good ride before dark we could miss your ship. -You won ten dollars. Big deal. If we don't get a good ride before dark we could miss your ship. I want to get money for you and the baby. -I want to get money for you and the baby. I don't need any money for the baby. I'll be fine. -I don't need any money for the baby. I'll be fine. Inflation, tuition, college. Children are damned expensive. I know. -Inflation, tuition, college. Children are damned expensive. I know. The cook again? -The cook again? Yes. -Yes. If I ever run into that guy, I'm going to kick his ass. -It'll tell you pretty much everything about us... This is very interesting. We are born knowing our history. We have other books. But not a book like this. -This is very interesting. We are born knowing our history. We have other books. But not a book like this. Any words you don't know you can find in the dictionary. -Any words you don't know you can find in the dictionary. I understand. -I understand. It'll give you the different countries, how they came to be, what they are now, how America came to be, the governments, the languages... everything. -It'll give you the different countries, how they came to be, what they are now, how America came to be, the governments, the languages... everything. Many of my people will not believe those things are possible. On my planet there is only one government, one people, one language. I will be asked a lot of questions. -Many of my people will not believe those things are possible. On my planet there is only one government, one people, one language. I will be asked a lot of questions. What will you say about us? -What will you say about us? I will say that we can be friends. -I will say that we can be friends. We can. -This is yours... If you want to keep it, you can. -If you want to keep it, you can. I'd like to... -Would you put some of your singing in this for the baby? You want the baby to laugh at me. -You want the baby to laugh at me. Yes. -How long will it take you to get home? Many, many days and nights... -I'm sure we could find a country and western station. No, thank you. -There. Where? -The yellow one. Oh, wow... I'll tell you what. When the baby is born, we'll go out in my back yard and wave to you. -Oh, wow... I'll tell you what. When the baby is born, we'll go out in my back yard and wave to you. I will wave to you. -Where do you think you're going? Thank you, Jennyhaydn. You are good. I must go alone now. -Thank you, Jennyhaydn. You are good. I must go alone now. I said I would get you to your ship and that's where we're going to say goodbye. -Well... I must go. -What do I do now? You say you love me and kiss me 'goodbye.' -I love you. I'm never going to see you again, am I? -I'm never going to see you again, am I? No. -Tell the baby about me. I will. -I will. Goodbye. -Help me!! You could have killed us both!! -You could have killed us both!! He's kidnapping me!!! -Jesus Christ!! You crazy people... Call the police!! -Call the police!! Hey buddy... let her go... -Help me!!! Hey, she doesn't want to go with you. Come on. -Oh God, man... don't shoot me... My mistake... I'm sorry... He doesn't understand... just walk away... -You sure this is your car? My grandmother's rich. -My grandmother's rich. Slow down, slow down. -Slow down, slow down. Geez, Mrs. Haydn, we just got going. -I told you I'm looking for someone. In the cars, too?! -In the cars, too?! I don't know where he is. -I don't know where he is. This is going to be a real drag. I thought you wanted to go fast. -They after you? What? No, of course not. -What? No, of course not. Would be kinda neat if they were. I think I could outrun them. Maybe get my picture in the papers. -I'm telling you, you're going to find him at the roadblock, or right after, or not at all. If he didn't want to go through the roadblock, is there any other way to get to Vegas? -If he didn't want to go through the roadblock, is there any other way to get to Vegas? Fly. -The five-fifty. We already passed it. But it'll take him way out of his way. Pull over. I've got to get back there. -Pull over. I've got to get back there. Why wouldn't he want to go through the roadblock?... What did you guys do?... I won't tell anybody. -Why wouldn't he want to go through the roadblock?... What did you guys do?... I won't tell anybody. It's easier not to tell if you don't know. -Wait. Could I have your autograph? Sure. -I have nothing to do. I'd like to help you. Don't worry. I'll be all right. -Is it for real? Get Fox. -Aghh... I'm supposed to umpire a little league game tomorrow. I wouldn't worry about it... There might not be any little league tomorrow. -This is crazy. What were we going to do if that had been the ship? We have two thirty calibre machine guns, three M16's and some handguns. Give it a rest, Lyman. -That's because the ones that were hurt, died. They couldn't talk to you. Any reports about monsters, people in Halloween masks, anything like that? -Good... It looks like we might be the welcoming committee, so I think we should try and figure out what we're gonna do if we have to come face to face with this creature. Bell wants us to get down on our knees and bow. -Bell wants us to get down on our knees and bow. Did your people have any contingencies rehearsed? -I know. She bought him a ticket for Lathrop Wells and put him on the bus. He didn't stay on though and they drove off together. Doesn't make sense. -Doesn't make sense. Maybe he's turned her into one of them. They enter the crowd around the helicopter. -Tell him I'm not here. I did. -You get that, Lyman? We're ready. -I'm telling you they're probably friendly. Then why did they try and sneak in the back door? Tell me that. Why didn't they contact us first and say... -They're gonna let some local cop blow him away. Save us all a lot of trouble. -Save us all a lot of trouble. Jesus Lyman, you're an ignorant fool. -Jesus Lyman, you're an ignorant fool. Bullshit! -Bullshit! You have no conception of this, do you? -You have no conception of this, do you? You jerk! You look at all the sweetness and light and goodness you think'll come out of this. You know what's gonna come out of this... The end of religion, the end of civilization, the end of the earth. We could become slaves, we could become a colony of these things. Don't you see that? Are you too stupid to see that? -This has always been my favorite time of day. Very beautiful country up here... -Very beautiful country up here... Any signs of biological contamination, excessive radiation, anything like that? -Any signs of biological contamination, excessive radiation, anything like that? Not on the landscape. We're trying to get a tube under the faceplate for a reading on possible deadly lifeforms but it's hard going. -Not on the landscape. We're trying to get a tube under the faceplate for a reading on possible deadly lifeforms but it's hard going. Can you see under the faceplate? -Can you see under the faceplate? No. -There's a good chance you could be wrong about this thing then... Wait'll you see it. -We had a flight of F16's play tag with the spaceship over Michigan for an hour. Then it shot straight up and disappeared. Was there visual contact? -Was there visual contact? No, sir. Radar. -No, sir. Radar. It could have been anything. -After I called in, I had a chance to sit down with the three locals. They swear there's another one that didn't make the ship... It might be alive. People have made mistakes in these situations before. -People have made mistakes in these situations before. I've been investigating sightings for seventeen years, Mr. Shermin. This one's real. We have a dead extra- terrestrial in that tent and another one in the area that might be alive. We've been visited. It's finally happened and the sooner Washington accepts that and starts figuring out how we're going to deal with these beings, the better off we're going to be. -Oh, Jesus. We better get it into the box. Come on... -There's nothing... No reports of sightings or landings or anything... in the other parts of the country or overseas... Seems like a totally isolated incident. It was only an accident that we discovered them. -It was only an accident that we discovered them. I know, but... -You married, Major? Twenty-eight years. -Twenty-eight years. To the same woman? -To the same woman? Yes. -Yes. I tried it once... Fourteen years ago... 'I was a lousy husband and a worse father. The only thing I'm good at is this... At least until yesterday. -How would you describe the sounds we heard coming out of that thing's helmet? It was kind of like clicking, maybe a language wasn't it? -It was kind of like clicking, maybe a language wasn't it? Listen to this. A woman was kidnapped in Eau Claire this morning. When a citizen went to her rescue the kidnapper threatened him with a gun and shouted at him in a strange 'clicking gibberish'... -Listen to this. A woman was kidnapped in Eau Claire this morning. When a citizen went to her rescue the kidnapper threatened him with a gun and shouted at him in a strange 'clicking gibberish'... It was a man though... right? -It was a man though... right? The police think he was high on drugs... -Nothing up there... The grass is matted down in a few places, but that could have been anything. It was the husband. The police finally got a hold of the witness at work and showed him a picture of the woman. -Where are you going? Las Vegas, please. I do not speak English. -Las Vegas, please. I do not speak English. Hop in. -I don't understand. Parlez vous Francais?... Habla Ingles?... Sprechen zie deutsch? -Good job, neither do I. What do you do for a living? I don't understand. -I don't understand. I'm a cook. Do you understand 'cook?' -I'm a cook. Do you understand 'cook?' No. -I told you... Judy, that's stupid. -Judy, that's stupid. Well, maybe these men won't think so. We were asleep when a helicopter woke me up. It made me so nervous I went into the kitchen for something to eat. I happened to look out the window and there was Scott Haydn with this green thing draped over his arm pulling Jenny down the walk to the car. -Well, maybe these men won't think so. We were asleep when a helicopter woke me up. It made me so nervous I went into the kitchen for something to eat. I happened to look out the window and there was Scott Haydn with this green thing draped over his arm pulling Jenny down the walk to the car. You know that's impossible! -You know that's impossible! I know what I saw. I've seen him enough times. -I know what I saw. I've seen him enough times. Scott Haydn is dead. He died about three months ago. We went to the funeral. -Is there a reward in this? Huh?... Eh... no, there isn't -Huh?... Eh... no, there isn't Because I'm the one who called the police, you know. -Because I'm the one who called the police, you know. Yeah, thanks. We appreciate that. -Yeah, thanks. We appreciate that. Hey, it's none of my business why you're chasing a retard... You want my opinion, it's the girl. She had to hold the guy's hand all the way to the car like he was a kid. -Hey, it's none of my business why you're chasing a retard... You want my opinion, it's the girl. She had to hold the guy's hand all the way to the car like he was a kid. You saw that? -You saw that? Hey... he didn't look like no big time criminal to me. -Eh... the store tells you to call when there's trouble, so they won't get sued... But that shouldn't matter if there's a reward, right? I wouldn't think so. -I wouldn't think so. That's what I thought. So remember it was me because sometimes rewards come late, you know. -That's what I thought. So remember it was me because sometimes rewards come late, you know. We will. Something's wrong here. She's helping him now. -Hello... I must get to my ship, Mr. Shermin. -I must get to my ship, Mr. Shermin. We can't let you do that. -We can't let you do that. I don't want to hurt anybody. I just want to go home. -All the roads into Death Valley are blocked. We'd like to talk to you. If I talk to you, I will miss my ship. -If I talk to you, I will miss my ship. Hold on a minute... Let's take the chance, George. -Yeah, that's right. I saw you play, man. You were good. Like a fucking freight train I remember saying. So what happened, injuries or what? -I saw you play, man. You were good. Like a fucking freight train I remember saying. So what happened, injuries or what? Bullshit politics. -Bullshit politics. It's always politics. Like this thing we're in here, he's paying you to tune me up, right? But I could pay you more not to. See what I mean? I could write you a check right now-- -It's always politics. Like this thing we're in here, he's paying you to tune me up, right? But I could pay you more not to. See what I mean? I could write you a check right now-- Come on, let's go, I got to get back. -Come on, let's go, I got to get back. Okay cash! Logical. Here's everything I have on me, what do you say? How about a Rolex? -Okay cash! Logical. Here's everything I have on me, what do you say? How about a Rolex? I already got a real one. Come on, it won't be too bad. It's not personal. -I already got a real one. Come on, it won't be too bad. It's not personal. Just not the eyes. -Okay, let's get you wired up. I hope this axle grease you got in your hair doesn't screw up the squid receptors. What's all this squid shit? -Superconducting QUantum Interference Device. SQUID. Got it? There's gonna be a test. Hey, fuck you, man. -Hey, fuck you, man. "Easy, Eduardo, easy. Preserve a sense of humor at all times. Okay, the receptor rig... what I'm putting on your head... sends a signal to the recorder. See we call it ""being wired,"" but there's no wire. You gotta keep the recorder close... five, six feet away max, like in your jacket pocket by the bed or wherever you're going to close escrow, know what I mean?" -"Easy, Eduardo, easy. Preserve a sense of humor at all times. Okay, the receptor rig... what I'm putting on your head... sends a signal to the recorder. See we call it ""being wired,"" but there's no wire. You gotta keep the recorder close... five, six feet away max, like in your jacket pocket by the bed or wherever you're going to close escrow, know what I mean?" Yeah, right. -Some tips. Don't dart your eyes around. Don't look in the mirror or you'll ID yourself. OK? You got a half hour of tape, so give me some lead-in to the main event. But don't wait too long, I don't want to be going out for popcorn. And don't act natural. Don't act at all. Just forget the thing is on. Got it? No problem. -No problem. A star is born. -We have nothing to talk about, Lenny. Joey, make sure Mr. Nero gets safely to his car. -Lenny the loser. Panhandler of stolen dreams. Leave him alone, Tran. -Leave him alone, Tran. He's no concern of mine, as long as you don't talk to him. Don't talk to anybody. You understand? Not with everything that's going on right now. -He's no concern of mine, as long as you don't talk to him. Don't talk to anybody. You understand? Not with everything that's going on right now. You're too goddamned paranoid. -You're too goddamned paranoid. Paranoia's only reality on a finer scale. -Look, Tran... Lenny just came by to give me some bad news. An old friend of mine has been murdered. You remember Iris? A tragic story, no doubt. How'd you get up here? -I made my choice, Lenny. You're going down. -You said you were going to get her out of this. "Maybe now you appreciate the danger we're in. It was touching the way you stood by me in there. ""Stand by your man"". I was moved. You were very good. I don't think he even understands that you did it for him." -"Maybe now you appreciate the danger we're in. It was touching the way you stood by me in there. ""Stand by your man"". I was moved. You were very good. I don't think he even understands that you did it for him." He doesn't know what's going on. Leave him alone. -He doesn't know what's going on. Leave him alone. I'd love to. But he keeps showing up. And you keep talking to him. I can't have that-- -The only time a whore should open her mouth is when she's giving head. Fuck you. -Fuck you. Maybe later. -Well, I'm certainly in the mood for a party. Take her up to the suite. Have a glass of champagne... or six... I'll be up in a while to help you ring in the New Year. -Take her up to the suite. Have a glass of champagne... or six... I'll be up in a while to help you ring in the New Year. I live for the moment. -This piece of puke hired me to kill you, baby. Do you believe that? Isn't that right, Tran? You pinhead. Oh my God. I don't believe this is happening. -Oh my God. I don't believe this is happening. Believe it. Now bring me the trodes, baby. Come on, quick. -Believe it. Now bring me the trodes, baby. Come on, quick. What're you going to do? -You can't just... kill him. I'm not. Just a little poach job. -I'm not. Just a little poach job. Jesus. -Jesus. Hey, he was going to kill you. And this ratfuck paid to have Iris killed, to save his own sorry ass. -Look, baby, it's now of never... the guy is a known input junkie, so a little OD won't surprise anybody. It's the only way we can be together. You know it's true. My God. -You were supposed to go downstairs, baby. I know. I don't always do exactly what I'm told. So I said, 'Do you enjoy watching me?' And you said -- come on Max. -I know. I don't always do exactly what I'm told. So I said, 'Do you enjoy watching me?' And you said -- come on Max. I said, 'Yeah. I'd even do it for free.' -I said, 'Yeah. I'd even do it for free.' Uh huh. And I said, 'That's good, because I like the feeling of someone watching me. I acquired the taste from Lenny.' -And then she said, 'Since we're going to be spending so much time together--' 'We might as well make the best of it.' -Hey, you going to watch or you going to do? Watch and see. -I feel like you're turning me into a VCR. I just want to see what we're like together through your eyes. -I don't feel anything. Is it on? Forget it's there. -Forget it's there. Make me forget it, baby. -Cut it out, Tran. Too bad about your guy Jeriko. Tough break. -I don't think that's a good idea, Lenny. I just got to talk to you for one second. -Faith, call me, okay? No, Lenny. -Hi, baby. I've missed you. I know. Lenny, if Tran finds you talking to me he'll hurt you. -I know. Lenny, if Tran finds you talking to me he'll hurt you. I'm already hurting. -You have to go. I mean it. Yeah, OK, whatever you say. Just answer one question. Is anything wrong? Iris said you might be in trouble. -Yeah, OK, whatever you say. Just answer one question. Is anything wrong? Iris said you might be in trouble. You talked to Iris? When? -You talked to Iris? When? Tonight. -Tonight. Well I haven't seen her in months. Who knows what's going on in her head. You're really running out of excuses to come around, aren't you? -Well I haven't seen her in months. Who knows what's going on in her head. You're really running out of excuses to come around, aren't you? I know you Faith. You're afraid of something. What's going on? -I know you Faith. You're afraid of something. What's going on? Let it alone, Lenny. It'll take care of itself. -Let it alone, Lenny. It'll take care of itself. It's Tran, isn't it? This guy is poison, Faith. Listen to me. He's got you walled in on all sides. And he uses the wire too much, he gets off on tape, not on you. -It's Tran, isn't it? This guy is poison, Faith. Listen to me. He's got you walled in on all sides. And he uses the wire too much, he gets off on tape, not on you. That's a good one, coming from you. -That's a good one, coming from you. Why don't you just split? You don't love him, anybody can see that. And to him you're just some kinda possession, like a Ferrari, something to show the other guys. -Why don't you just split? You don't love him, anybody can see that. And to him you're just some kinda possession, like a Ferrari, something to show the other guys. He has his uses too. -He has his uses too. What? He gonna record you on his label? -What? He gonna record you on his label? Maybe. -Maybe. Come on, Faith! He's just toying with you. And when he gets bored, you'll be yesterday's papers. -Look, baby, I've watched you create yourself out of nothing. You're like a goddamn cruise missile, targeted on making it. And you will. Damn right. -Damn right. It's you up on that stage, not him. You don't need him. -You have to get out of here. If Tran catches you he'll... he's acting crazy. He's doing way too much playback and he's getting completely paranoid. He's such a control freak, he's even paying Max to follow me around. Max Pelcher? You're kidding? -Max Pelcher? You're kidding? Yeah, for about a month now. Lenny, just stay away from Tran, okay? And stay away from me. Stop trying to rescue me. Those days are over. I'm a big girl now. Stop trying to save me, okay, because I don't need saving... Just... give up on me. -Yeah, for about a month now. Lenny, just stay away from Tran, okay? And stay away from me. Stop trying to rescue me. Those days are over. I'm a big girl now. Stop trying to save me, okay, because I don't need saving... Just... give up on me. Can't do it. -Can't do it. "You know one of the ways movies still have Squid beat? Because they always say ""The End."" You always know when it's over. It's over! Now please leave. I have to go on again in a couple of minutes." -You're crazier than I thought, Lenny. Coming here... Tran's just in there. Iris is dead. She was murdered. -Who did it? Don't know. But this guy's real damaged goods. Iris knew someone was after her... and she said you were in danger too. Now no more games, Faith. Whatever you're hiding, whatever's going on, you have to get out of here now. Come with me right now. Don't even think about it. -Don't know. But this guy's real damaged goods. Iris knew someone was after her... and she said you were in danger too. Now no more games, Faith. Whatever you're hiding, whatever's going on, you have to get out of here now. Come with me right now. Don't even think about it. Then what? Then what, Lenny?! You going to protect me? Big tough guy. You're a talker, Lenny. You don't even have a gun. -Then what? Then what, Lenny?! You going to protect me? Big tough guy. You're a talker, Lenny. You don't even have a gun. I have a gun. It's under my bed. -I have a gun. It's under my bed. You don't know what you're fucking with here. -You don't know what you're fucking with here. Tell me. -What's going on? Faith, we know about Jeriko. Iris made me a copy of the tape. -Faith, we know about Jeriko. Iris made me a copy of the tape. Oh God, Lenny. I was trying to keep you out of this. -How did it happen? What was Iris doing riding around with Jeriko wearing a wire? We should talk alone. -We should talk alone. No. Mace is in this. -So finally he gives Iris some cash and tells her to check into the hotel under a wrong name till he figures out what to do. Yeah... he figured out what to do all right. -Yeah... he figured out what to do all right. You think Tran killed her? -You think Tran killed her? The killer knew right where she was. Because he put her there. -The killer knew right where she was. Because he put her there. What a nightmare. -I understand. No, I'm not. You understand? Attorney! Right? Am I right? -You understand? Attorney! Right? Am I right? That's right. -No. A virgin brain! Well we're going to start you off right. So what do you know about this? Save us some time... -A virgin brain! Well we're going to start you off right. So what do you know about this? Save us some time... Just what I've read. That the technology was developed for the Feds, to replace the body wire. And now it's gone black market. So, uh, do I get the deck from you? -Just what I've read. That the technology was developed for the Feds, to replace the body wire. And now it's gone black market. So, uh, do I get the deck from you? I'll set you up, get you a deck at my cost... since my thing is the software. -I'll set you up, get you a deck at my cost... since my thing is the software. Clips. -Clips. That's right. Clips. Look, I want you to know what we're talking about here. This isn't like TV only better. This is life. It's a piece of somebody's life. Pure and uncut, straight from the cerebral cortex. You're there. You're doing it, seeing it, hearing it... feeling it. -That's right. Clips. Look, I want you to know what we're talking about here. This isn't like TV only better. This is life. It's a piece of somebody's life. Pure and uncut, straight from the cerebral cortex. You're there. You're doing it, seeing it, hearing it... feeling it. What kind of things exactly? -What kind of things exactly? Exactly anything. Whatever you want. Whoever you want to be. Fabri, get us another round, would you. -Sounds good. I can get you what you want. You just have to talk to me. I'm your priest, your shrink, your main connection to the switchboard of souls. I'm the Magic Man, the Santa Claus of the Subconscious. You say it, you even think it, you can have it. You want a girl, you want two girls? I don't know what your thing is or what you're curious about... you want a guy? You want to be a girl... see what that feels like? You want a nun to tie you up? It's all doable. -I can get you what you want. You just have to talk to me. I'm your priest, your shrink, your main connection to the switchboard of souls. I'm the Magic Man, the Santa Claus of the Subconscious. You say it, you even think it, you can have it. You want a girl, you want two girls? I don't know what your thing is or what you're curious about... you want a guy? You want to be a girl... see what that feels like? You want a nun to tie you up? It's all doable. Talk to me about costs, here. -Talk to me about costs, here. Listen, before we get into numbers, I want you to try a taste. I got a deck with me. -Listen, before we get into numbers, I want you to try a taste. I got a deck with me. What? Right Here? -What? Right Here? Step into my office. -Yeah, I'm interested, but can we get someplace a little less public? You nervous? Forget it. The cops have more to worry about in this city than the squid-trade, believe me-- -You see the look on that preppy puke's face? Fuckin' pissed in his Topsiders. Okay. It was funny. But it cost me money. -Okay. It was funny. But it cost me money. Come on, amigo, the world's full of marks. And nobody knows how to work 'em like you do, pal. You could sell a goddamn rat's asshole for a wedding ring! Let me buy you a drink. -Come on, amigo, the world's full of marks. And nobody knows how to work 'em like you do, pal. You could sell a goddamn rat's asshole for a wedding ring! Let me buy you a drink. Least you can do. -Bobbyyyy! Tequila por favor! Double shots. Make it Tres Generaciones, huh. Nothin' but the best for my good friend Lenny, the finest cop that ever got thrown off the vice squad. Hey, nice tie. Thanks, Max. -Thanks, Max. D'you always have to dress like a fuckin' pimp? -D'you always have to dress like a fuckin' pimp? This tie cost more than your entire wardrobe. -This tie cost more than your entire wardrobe. That's not sayin' much. -That's not sayin' much. It's the one thing that stands between me and the jungle. -You were lucky, Max. Yup. So darn lucky. I wake up with a .22-short floating in my brainpan, and a cop pension I can't live off of. Good thing I wasn't any luckier. Bobby! Another shooter right here! -Naw. She won't call me. Just as well, Lenny. You gotta get past it. I mean sure, Faith was by far the most outstanding woman a guy like you could ever hope to get, I mean it's completely and deeply humiliating that she's gone, but it's over, campadre. -Just as well, Lenny. You gotta get past it. I mean sure, Faith was by far the most outstanding woman a guy like you could ever hope to get, I mean it's completely and deeply humiliating that she's gone, but it's over, campadre. Thanks, Max. I'm touched by your concern. -I just hate to see you pining away. It makes me want to vomit, frankly. Broken hearts are for assholes. Hey, Iris, you okay? -See, if you packed your piece you could've made the guy see sense. Uh unh, carrying a gun wrecks the line of a fine jacket. -Uh unh, carrying a gun wrecks the line of a fine jacket. An ex-cop that doesn't carry. It's embarrassing. I oughta not be seen with you. Hey, Mace. What's goin' on? -I'm telling ya, it's over. We used it all up-- Shutup a second! -Shoulda told me about your new gig, buddy. I was gonna tell ya. Hey, it's just a job. I feel like shit about it. -I was gonna tell ya. Hey, it's just a job. I feel like shit about it. You should feel like shit. -You should feel like shit. I figured, what the hell, I could take the prick's money and make sure Faith was OK at the same time. Do us both good. Right? -I figured, what the hell, I could take the prick's money and make sure Faith was OK at the same time. Do us both good. Right? Fairly twisted logic, Max, even for you. Hey, at least you got a job! Watch her for me. Stay on her. -Fairly twisted logic, Max, even for you. Hey, at least you got a job! Watch her for me. Stay on her. I'm on her. -You alright? Y'okay? Yeah. No, not really. -Yeah. No, not really. Let's work it. -Let's work it. Not now... I don't want to think about it-- -Not now... I don't want to think about it-- Come on, Lenny. You used to be good at this stuff. Play it down. What's the perp doing? -Come on, Lenny. You used to be good at this stuff. Play it down. What's the perp doing? He stalks her. He rapes her. Then he does her... -He stalks her. He rapes her. Then he does her... And he records it. Thrill kill. Wants to see it again. And again. -And he records it. Thrill kill. Wants to see it again. And again. He records himself raping and killing her-- -He records himself raping and killing her-- But at the same time he's sending the signal to her-- -But at the same time he's sending the signal to her-- So she feels... what he feels... while he's in her. The thrill while he's killing her... is sent to her, heightening her fear... which in turn heightens the turn on for him. I've seen a lot, Max. -So she feels... what he feels... while he's in her. The thrill while he's killing her... is sent to her, heightening her fear... which in turn heightens the turn on for him. I've seen a lot, Max. So've I. Too much. -So've I. Too much. But this is a bad one. -But this is a bad one. Top ten. -Top ten. He makes her see her own death, feeds off the reaction... killer and victim merging... orgasm and agony merging. And he records it all. -That's right. He wants to share. Needs an audience. This is one sick puppy. Why me? -Hey, the last day of the world and you spend it in bed. W'sup, Max? -Faith OK? Yeah. She's leaving with Tran so I got to boogie. Real quick... Iris checked into the Sheraton last night under a false name. Paid cash. -Yeah. She's leaving with Tran so I got to boogie. Real quick... Iris checked into the Sheraton last night under a false name. Paid cash. Looks like she was holding out. -Looks like she was holding out. Yup. Hey, so I heard you dropped in on Tran last night. Another slick Lenny move. -Yup. Hey, so I heard you dropped in on Tran last night. Another slick Lenny move. He's in this somehow... I don't know how. Just stay close to Faith. -He's in this somehow... I don't know how. Just stay close to Faith. I'm on her, amigo. No worries. Gotta jam. -Sounds like Tick's already celebrating. You may be a little overdressed for this party. Yo, Tick! It's Lenny. Open up! -He's been cooked-off Is he dead? -Is he dead? No. But his frontal lobes are like two runny eggs. They put an amplifier in-line to boost the signal till it french-fried his brain. -Whattya mean? All I'm saying... you don't know how high up the food chain this thing goes. I've heard stuff. -All I'm saying... you don't know how high up the food chain this thing goes. I've heard stuff. What stuff? -What stuff? Smoke. Rumors. I've heard stuff about a death squad. A group a guys loyal to the hardline school. Guys that've had too many years of city hall and the review boards and the goddamn media pissing down their necks, suspending cops right and left, tying their hands... while outa the other side a their mouths these same people're squealing save us, save us, do something you fucking morons, crime is totally out of control. -Jesus. Yeah. So don't walk near me in public, alright. -Yeah. So don't walk near me in public, alright. Thanks, buddy. See... things weren't bad enough. They weren't fucking bad enough! -Mace... no disrespect... but you run this on the 11 o'clock news, by midnight you got the biggest riot in history. They'll see the fucking smoke from Canada. Okay... what about Strickland? -Okay... what about Strickland? No. Bad idea. -He's got her up in the room, under guard. And he's still working the party... acting smooth like nothin's nothin'. So buddy... I say we work a trade. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Give him the tape. See? It's fucking brilliant! The tape for Faith. I know he'll go for it. I can set it up. -Give him the tape. See? It's fucking brilliant! The tape for Faith. I know he'll go for it. I can set it up. This is what we laughingly refer to as a plan, right? -This is what we laughingly refer to as a plan, right? Come on! If he gives us any shit, we kill 'em all. Whattya say? Just get your butt down here. If I'm not at the shindig downstairs go to the room. It's 2203. You writin'? -2-2-0-3. Got it. Stay on her. I intend to. -No. I suppose not. I didn't know you were colorblind, Max. Only way I could stand your ties. -I'll have that. Glock 22. Nice. Where's Faith? -Where's Faith? I sent her to the party. I figured I'd wait up here until you killed Tran. -I sent her to the party. I figured I'd wait up here until you killed Tran. What makes you think I'm gonna kill Tran? -You just did. Jesus! -Jesus! You know, statistically that's the second most common word people say right before they die. Shit being number one. -So... I killed Tran. Then you ran in, being on his payroll, and shot me. That's pretty much the way it happened. -Wait a minute. Now I'm remembering. I killed Iris too, didn't I? That's right. They'll find the original of her snuff clip in your apartment. The one I left for you at the club was a copy. -That's right. They'll find the original of her snuff clip in your apartment. The one I left for you at the club was a copy. Was I a really busy guy? Did I do Tick too? -Was I a really busy guy? Did I do Tick too? You bet. Did you like it? -Picture it... I feel like I gotta share this with somebody. It's too perfect. I won't say anything. -I won't say anything. I know. So, I'm working for this puke, right? And he says he'll pay me quite large to do the hooker. But also I gotta do his bitch girlfriend cause she knows the whole score and she's totally out of control. -Only he doesn't know about me and Faith. So I say to myself, if I turn the job down, he just gets somebody else. And I lose Faith... to coin a phrase. So to buy time, I do the skank. I still gotta do something about Tran... I figure it's him or me... but I can't cap him without a chump to take the fall. And who better than his girlfriend's loser ex-boyfriend... a known criminal... who has been seen hassling them in public numerous times. And who was, regrettably, also your best fucking friend. -And who was, regrettably, also your best fucking friend. No plan is perfect, Lenny. Hey, cheer up. World's gonna end in ten minutes anyway. -No plan is perfect, Lenny. Hey, cheer up. World's gonna end in ten minutes anyway. You must be so pleased, I followed your jellybean trail right here, like a good little chump. -You must be so pleased, I followed your jellybean trail right here, like a good little chump. You got froggy on me a couple times. -So there never was a death squad. Naawww. -Naawww. Just those two loose-cannon cops running around covering their butts. -Just those two loose-cannon cops running around covering their butts. Yeah. Pretty zany, huh? All this shit caused by a random traffic stop. Hey... nothing means nothing. You know that. Look around... the whole planet's in total chaos. You gotta take what you can, while you can. Cause some shitbird can come up and put a fuckin' .22 in the back a your head any second. -How did you hook up with Faith? This dink hires me a month ago to eyeball her, right? But Faith knows me from you, right, so she comes up to me and says, 'Hey Max why you following me?' I say, 'I'll buy you a drink and explain.' And she says... -Don't have a fucking coronary, Lenny. Well you could've at least warned me. You know I hate the zap... when they die. It just brings down your whole day. Jeez, Tick. -Well you could've at least warned me. You know I hate the zap... when they die. It just brings down your whole day. Jeez, Tick. Sorry. -How'd you get the tape? Why didn't the cops put it in evidence? With all the blood I guess they didn't see the rig. Guy had it under a wig. -With all the blood I guess they didn't see the rig. Guy had it under a wig. Yeah, but how'd it get to you? -Yeah, but how'd it get to you? I got ways, Lenny, I got ways. Okay, okay... I got a deal with some a the paramedics. My guy pages me and I pick it up at the morgue. So whaddya think? This clip's gotta be worth at least a grand. Right? -I got ways, Lenny, I got ways. Okay, okay... I got a deal with some a the paramedics. My guy pages me and I pick it up at the morgue. So whaddya think? This clip's gotta be worth at least a grand. Right? Tick. Not to dash your hopes, but I don't deal this kind of product, you know that. I'll give you four for it, cause I've gotta cut off the last bit. And my customers want uncut. -Tick. Not to dash your hopes, but I don't deal this kind of product, you know that. I'll give you four for it, cause I've gotta cut off the last bit. And my customers want uncut. Fuck that! The last part's the best. You dry-dive six stories and blammo! Jack right into the Big Black. -Fuck that! The last part's the best. You dry-dive six stories and blammo! Jack right into the Big Black. I don't deal black-jack clips! It's policy. I got ethics here. -I don't deal black-jack clips! It's policy. I got ethics here. Yeah, when did that start? Come on, man! It's what people want to see, and you know it. -Yeah, when did that start? Come on, man! It's what people want to see, and you know it. So lay it off to somebody else. -So lay it off to somebody else. Come on, Lenny. I got expenses. I got to get this rig fixed. Look at it... -Give me six at least. This's a good clip, here. Gets you pumpin'. Yeah, well, the first part's okay. Better than the usual soaps you bring me. -Yeah, well, the first part's okay. Better than the usual soaps you bring me. Now that is cold, Lenny. I always bring you choice. -Sure, like this low-grade shit here, some girl in a fight with her boyfriend... it's a test-pattern. Nothing happens. I'm snorin'. Hey, you're always saying, 'Bring me real life. Bring me street life. And, like, one man's mundane and desperate existence is another man's Technicolor.' -Hey, you're always saying, 'Bring me real life. Bring me street life. And, like, one man's mundane and desperate existence is another man's Technicolor.' I said that? Look, I'll take it for five, and you'll make out okay, because in this case it's pure cream, you don't have to cut anything back to the wearer. -I said that? Look, I'll take it for five, and you'll make out okay, because in this case it's pure cream, you don't have to cut anything back to the wearer. Ha! That's for fucking sure. -Ha! That's for fucking sure. What else you got? -Whoa. That is one unbelievable piece of eyefuck. Skip the art criticism, Tick, what can you tell me about the wearer. -Skip the art criticism, Tick, what can you tell me about the wearer. Well... the guy's fucked up. -Lookit, you see the peak period ratios there? Could be some kind of tumor or brain lesion or something. Some kind of trauma This is not good. I don't like this at all... What? -What? Well, it's cutting awful close to me. I mean she was just here. -Well, it's cutting awful close to me. I mean she was just here. Who was just here? -Who was just here? Iris, man. Pay attention. -Iris, man. Pay attention. Wait, wait... wait a minute. Iris was here?! -Wait, wait... wait a minute. Iris was here?! Yeah, she came by last night. Shaking like a junkie, wanting me to make a copy of some clip. -Yeah, she came by last night. Shaking like a junkie, wanting me to make a copy of some clip. What clip? What was it? -What clip? What was it? I don't know, man, she wouldn't let me see it. Said I wouldn't want to see it. She said she was going to give it to you to hold for her. Like insurance or somethin' -I don't know, man, she wouldn't let me see it. Said I wouldn't want to see it. She said she was going to give it to you to hold for her. Like insurance or somethin' She never gave me a tape. -You come to peddle me some tapes, Lenny? For old time's sake? Make a couple bucks for the holidays? You're not a client anymore, Tran. I wouldn't sell you the sweat off a dead dog's balls. -You're not a client anymore, Tran. I wouldn't sell you the sweat off a dead dog's balls. I already got everything I need from you. -Show a little respect, Nero. The man was an important artist. Yeah, important for your label. Which no doubt is why you're in mourning. Don't worry, his records'll sell out now he's dead. You'll make out. -Yeah, important for your label. Which no doubt is why you're in mourning. Don't worry, his records'll sell out now he's dead. You'll make out. I always do. -I always do. Faith, can I talk to you a second? -About what? That would be between me and Faith, wouldn't it? -Charm. Uh huh. Look, Nero. I'll make you an offer. Take her. Right now. If she wants to go, if she's unhappy here, she can go. I'll let her choose. Faith always knows what she wants. Hands off. See? -It's alright. He means it. I do mean it. And I mean this... if Faith stays you go away and never come back. You scuttle back into your cockroach hole and never cross my vision again. You understand? -Nero. Strickland. -Strickland. Commissioner Strickland. -Commissioner Strickland. Sure. Whatever. See, since you shitcanned my career, I don't even have to call you sir. One of life's small pleasures. -Sure. Whatever. See, since you shitcanned my career, I don't even have to call you sir. One of life's small pleasures. Aren't you peddling your wares a little far from your usual gutter? -Aren't you peddling your wares a little far from your usual gutter? I was invited here by a close friend, Mr. Fumitsu, see he's right over there. -I don't like disappointments, Nero. And do you know what disappoints me very much? Your sex life? -Your sex life? Your existence. -Greetings, gents. So let's hear this week's sad story. They jerked my wheels, d'you believe it? I mean it's outrageous, the computer errors the banks are making lately. Have you noticed? -Thanks for giving me a ride. I just have a few stops, mostly on the west side-- Whoa, whoa, whoa. I said I'd drop you home, but I'm not taking you on your sleazoid rounds. I've already pulled twelve hours today. -Whoa, whoa, whoa. I said I'd drop you home, but I'm not taking you on your sleazoid rounds. I've already pulled twelve hours today. Come on, Mace. This is gonna be a big night. Can't you feel it? The energy in the air? There's money to be made, dreams to sell. -Come on, Mace. This is gonna be a big night. Can't you feel it? The energy in the air? There's money to be made, dreams to sell. Sleaze to peddle. -Sleaze to peddle. Just a couple of hours. It'll be fun-- -Just a couple of hours. It'll be fun-- Excuse me. What part of NO don't you understand? -Excuse me. What part of NO don't you understand? Mace, you're my friend. I need you. Plus I'll give you 25% of what I make tonight. -Mace, you're my friend. I need you. Plus I'll give you 25% of what I make tonight. Lenny, this may be a hard concept for you, but friends don't have to pay their friends. -Jeez, you're pathetic. Okay, I got a pickup at the St. James. I'll take you there, you can get a cab. Mace! You're a life-saver. -Mace! You're a life-saver. Driving Mr. Lenny. -So, what's up with you? Another busy night selling porno to wireheads? No, wrong... I sell experiences. Sex is only part of it. -No, wrong... I sell experiences. Sex is only part of it. Buncha techno-perv jerkoffs. -Buncha techno-perv jerkoffs. Way I look at it, I actually perform a humanitarian service. I save lives. -Way I look at it, I actually perform a humanitarian service. I save lives. Uh huh, I wanna hear this part. -Uh huh, I wanna hear this part. Okay, take some executive... bored with his life, bored with his wife... he picks up a hooker or some girl at a bar. Then he goes around for months, torn up worrying that he's got AIDS, that he'll infect his wife. And maybe he really does catch something-- -Okay, take some executive... bored with his life, bored with his wife... he picks up a hooker or some girl at a bar. Then he goes around for months, torn up worrying that he's got AIDS, that he'll infect his wife. And maybe he really does catch something-- Price he pays for being a scumsucking pig. -Price he pays for being a scumsucking pig. Everybody needs to take a walk to the dark end of the street sometime, it's what we are. But now the risks are outa line. The streets are a war zone. And sex can kill you. So you slip on the trodes, you get what you need and it keeps you from jumping your tracks. -Everybody needs to take a walk to the dark end of the street sometime, it's what we are. But now the risks are outa line. The streets are a war zone. And sex can kill you. So you slip on the trodes, you get what you need and it keeps you from jumping your tracks. Lenny, this shit's illegal. -Lenny, this shit's illegal. Define illegal. -Define illegal. Me bailing your sorry pale ass out of jail twice in the last six months. -Me bailing your sorry pale ass out of jail twice in the last six months. Yeah, but that was for love. -Yeah, but that was for love. Define love. -What's his name? Fumitsu. -Fumitsu. Mr. Fumitsu, good evening sir, Leonard Nero, Security Express. Lornette Mason here is just completing our routine driver evaluation. We do it to make sure that out VIP clients, such as yourself, are always treated as honored guests. I just need to ride up front and take some notes, if you don't mind. -What the fuck are you doing? Coming with you. -Coming with you. You will not live to see the morning. -Are we having a bad night? Let's talk in the car. -Hey, careful on the jacket. This is Armani. You angry? I've had enough of this shit. You're on foot, Lenny. -I've had enough of this shit. You're on foot, Lenny. In LA? Are you crazy? -I need my case. It's still in the back. Get it. -That would be no. I've had it. No more wirehead shit in my car. You understand? You want to poach your lobes, do it somewhere else. -I've had it. No more wirehead shit in my car. You understand? You want to poach your lobes, do it somewhere else. Okay, you got my attention, but this is cutting off the circulation to my head, here. D'you mind? -I thought we were friends. No, see a friend is more than one person constantly doing favors for another. You just suck people along with your schemes and your scams and your slick act. Well I'm out. I got a kid, I got rent, I got an ex- husband someplace who doesn't send me a dime of support... I'm just trying to hold on here. -No, see a friend is more than one person constantly doing favors for another. You just suck people along with your schemes and your scams and your slick act. Well I'm out. I got a kid, I got rent, I got an ex- husband someplace who doesn't send me a dime of support... I'm just trying to hold on here. So am I. Just trying to get by. -So am I. Just trying to get by. No, you're just trying to get off. -No, you're just trying to get off. Macey... I've never seen you like this. -Macey... I've never seen you like this. Lenny, you're turning into some kinda squid-head low-life. You're always broke, you just go from one score to the next. And you're getting strung out... you don't even see it. Getting high on your own supply like some crack dealer. -Lenny, you're turning into some kinda squid-head low-life. You're always broke, you just go from one score to the next. And you're getting strung out... you don't even see it. Getting high on your own supply like some crack dealer. I know you wouldn't be saying all this if you didn't care about me. Thanks, Mace. Really. -I know you wouldn't be saying all this if you didn't care about me. Thanks, Mace. Really. Look, I gotta get some sleep. -Look, I gotta get some sleep. You still like me, don't you? We're still buddies? -Yeah. I don't see a way out of it. Macey, I know you're tired, but can you drop me at the Retinal Fetish? It's on your way. -Macey, I know you're tired, but can you drop me at the Retinal Fetish? It's on your way. Jesus, Lenny. -Jesus, Lenny. Begging? Groveling? Any pathetic behavior at all? Will that help? Faith's there tonight, and I've got to talk to her. -Begging? Groveling? Any pathetic behavior at all? Will that help? Faith's there tonight, and I've got to talk to her. Sure, Lenny. The only thing worse than a junkie is someone in love. -Who's the new side of beef in Tran's posse? Guy named Wade Beemer. Used to be a running back for the Rams in '96 and '97. -Guy named Wade Beemer. Used to be a running back for the Rams in '96 and '97. Rams... that's football, right? -Forget her. She still loves me. -She still loves me. She thinks you're a bucket of dog vomit. Trust me on this. -She thinks you're a bucket of dog vomit. Trust me on this. She's my destiny. -She's my destiny. Destiny? You living in a perfume commercial? She's a hard-climber that dropped you like a used tampon when she got a better ride. -Destiny? You living in a perfume commercial? She's a hard-climber that dropped you like a used tampon when she got a better ride. You'll see. -You're some piece of work, you know that. Just calmly backstroking around in the big toilet bowl, and somehow you never let it touch you. I mean, between Vice and this so- called occupation you're in now, you must've seen it all. I have crawled through the gutter... through every wrinkle in the human brain. -I have crawled through the gutter... through every wrinkle in the human brain. What I'm saying. But you still come out this goofball romantic. -What I'm saying. But you still come out this goofball romantic. It is my sword and my shield, Macey. -What's that? Present from Faith? No idea. -What is it? Go to the Sunset Sheraton. RIGHT NOW! Just go! GO! -My God, Lenny. What is it? Black. Jack. -Black. Jack. Blackjack? I don't understand-- -Blackjack? I don't understand-- Snuff clip. It was Iris. She said she needed my help and I... aw Jesus, Mace... the sick fucker killed her. -Snuff clip. It was Iris. She said she needed my help and I... aw Jesus, Mace... the sick fucker killed her. Are you sure it's real? -And gives it to you. Wants to share. -Cause you're the man, right? The Magic Man. If it's got something to do with the wire, sooner or later it washes up on your beach. I've never dealt in black-jacks. Never. Everybody knows that. -Jesus, Mace. Back off. This guy is someone you know, one of your squid-head contacts. -Uh unh. No way! They'd crucify me. So some psycho wire-freak gets to keep running around-- -Is this great fabric or what? You ever wonder why you get beat up a lot? -You ever wonder why you get beat up a lot? Never really thought about it. -He knows what he's doing. He's worn before... a lot. So that gives you something. -So that gives you something. It gives me... I don't know... maybe two hundred people who I know wear. -Don't crank the gain any more. You're gonna fry yourself. I need to see more... get more detail. Something. I feel his presence, so strong... -No more, Lenny. Yeah. I'm ghosting pretty bad. -She came to me for help. I should have read it better... I just figured, y'know... another strung- out hooker having a bad night. It's not your fault. -See, it's all about what they see walking in. A dead hooker, handcuffs, penetration... they'll see a trick gone wrong. Random kill. The kind you never solve. But that doesn't add, does it. -But that doesn't add, does it. No it doesn't. -No it doesn't. Because Iris knew somebody was after her. -"She said ""If they get me"". They. Which means the whole sex-killer thing is a cover, which means somebody whacked her for a reason." So the guy's not a sicko. -So the guy's not a sicko. If he could do what's on that tape, he's a sicko. -If he could do what's on that tape, he's a sicko. Okay, so he's a freak who thinks he's sane pretending to be a freak. The point is, he was a hitter. Somebody wanted to shut her up. But why not just put a little lead in her ear? -Okay, so he's a freak who thinks he's sane pretending to be a freak. The point is, he was a hitter. Somebody wanted to shut her up. But why not just put a little lead in her ear? Because it had to look random. Not connected to anything or anyone. But then why give the rape to me? -Because it had to look random. Not connected to anything or anyone. But then why give the rape to me? That's where it gets a little strange. -That's where it gets a little strange. And what about the guy that was following me? -And what about the guy that was following me? Now you're really getting paranoid. -The question is not whether I am paranoid, but whether I am paranoid enough. You want to rub my neck? Sure. -How's Zander? OK. He asks about you all the time. It's been weeks since you've seen him. -I'm sorry about getting on your case earlier. I just see you getting sucked in deeper and deeper, and I -- anyway. I'm sorry. S'okay. I know you still love me. -Whatup Lenny? Jesus, Mace! -Where we going? Anywhere. We'll talk about it in the car. -What is it? This tie doesn't go with blue! -Will you relax. There's nobody back there. Mace, the guy had a knife. To my throat. In my living room. Relaxing might be right out, okay?! -Mace, the guy had a knife. To my throat. In my living room. Relaxing might be right out, okay?! You better keep a low profile for a while. -You better keep a low profile for a while. No shit. You got someplace in mind? -Lenny, have you lost it completely? "Easy, there, Mom. Easy. This is audio only. John Coltrane. ""A Love Supreme."" Give it a listen, let me know what you think, maybe you won't go for it now, but it'll get in your head and grow like a seed into something really beautiful." -Think back about what she said. Exactly what she said. She wanted to go out to my car, something about my car... -She wanted to go out to my car, something about my car... Something in your car... -Lenny, give them the tape. It's in my case. Okay? I'm going to open my case... -Shit! Take it easy. The glass is bullet resistant. -Take it easy. The glass is bullet resistant. Bullet resistant? Whatever happened to bullet proof? -Bullet resistant? Whatever happened to bullet proof? Lenny. Calm down. This is what I do. -Goddamnit!! 911 is busy! It's okay, Lenny They'd never get here in time anyway. -This is bad. The gas tank's going to go any second! -Are you out of your fucking mind?! Fire's out, isn't it? -I can't believe we had to give them the damn tape. Yeah, me neither. It was one of my favorites. Me and Faith in a hot tub on my birthday. I'm going to really miss it. -Those two guys were cops. You sure? -You sure? It's the walk. Something. Anyway, they'll run your plates and get your address. We gotta keep moving. -Tell me. I can't tell you. You've got to see. -I can't tell you. You've got to see. Uh unh. I won't do it. -Uh unh. I won't do it. Mace. I know what you think about the wire. But I'm asking you to do this. It's that important. -Hang on. Hang on, Max. You see? I see. I see the earth opening up and swallowing us all. -I see. I see the earth opening up and swallowing us all. Yeah I know. So what do we do? -We got to make another copy of this. Little life insurance. You know what this tape could do if it gets out. -You know what this tape could do if it gets out. I've got a good idea, yeah. -I've got a good idea, yeah. People finding out... seeing... that the LAPD just flat out executed Jeriko One. Jesus. Maybe they ought to see. -People finding out... seeing... that the LAPD just flat out executed Jeriko One. Jesus. Maybe they ought to see. Maybe. But tonight is probably not the best night. Come on, we're rollin'. -So, let's see, I've got Tran's goons, some squidhead psycho and the LAPD all trying to kill me. Happy new year, Lenny. Well, look at the plus side. -Well, look at the plus side. There's a plus side? -There's a plus side? Yeah. You gave up your hot tub tape to save me. That's real progress for you. -Yeah. You gave up your hot tub tape to save me. That's real progress for you. It was a tough call. -It was a tough call. I still can't square the psycho smarts of whoever did Iris with those two cops. -I still can't square the psycho smarts of whoever did Iris with those two cops. I don't think those cops did Iris. I think whoever Iris was wearing for killed her. -I don't think those cops did Iris. I think whoever Iris was wearing for killed her. Why? -Why? To break the trail. If those cops had gotten hold of her, they would have beat it out of her who she was wearing for, and then gone after them too. Our killer is running as scared as we are. Which makes him really dangerous. Judging by how scared I am. -He's totally cut off from the outer world. How long does it last? Oh. -The only card we have to play is the tape. You know, we get it to the media somehow... Yeah, right, blow it open. -Who's Strickland? Deputy Commissioner Palmer Strickland. The sanctimonious prick who busted me out. His ass is so tight when he farts only dogs can hear it. I know this guy. If there's one cop who's not dirty it's him. -Kinda guy you can count on in a pinch. Why didn't he just go public with the tape? Save himself that way. -Okay, we gotta get over there. Can you borrow a dress from Cecile or something-- I'm not going. -I'm not going. Whatya mean? We're going! Tran's gonna do her right there unless-- -Whatya mean? We're going! Tran's gonna do her right there unless-- Lenny... shutup. Just park your mouth and listen. It's a set-up. Think about it! Why's he been sending you tapes? To freak you, get you to rush in without thinking. Then they put one in you, put one in her, put the gun in your hand... crime of passion. This guy's bent enough to think of that. -Yeah. Lenny. I have. It didn't stop you from loving them. Right? Or understanding them, or being able to forgive them... -It didn't stop you from loving them. Right? Or understanding them, or being able to forgive them... I guess. -I guess. And it didn't stop you from wanting to protect them. Did it? -And it didn't stop you from wanting to protect them. Did it? No. It didn't. -I worked Vice, Narcotics... Violent Crimes... and I saw every known depravity. I was lost, Mace. In outer darkness. Then I busted this strung-out little teeny-hooker. When I met Faith she was just another runaway giving twenty dollar blowjobs to buy crank. Another lost soul. You never told me. -You never told me. But she was different. There was a light in her eyes... and she had this voice. It was scary, all that pain coming out of that little body. Like she could take all the hurt and rage of the entire world and lift it up to heaven in one voice. I helped her. And I promised her that I'd always be there... to protect her. See? It's not about what's in her head. It's what's in mine. I can't let go of the promise. It's... like... it's all I have left. -But she was different. There was a light in her eyes... and she had this voice. It was scary, all that pain coming out of that little body. Like she could take all the hurt and rage of the entire world and lift it up to heaven in one voice. I helped her. And I promised her that I'd always be there... to protect her. See? It's not about what's in her head. It's what's in mine. I can't let go of the promise. It's... like... it's all I have left. No, it's not. -Mace... you're a girl. Good, Lenny. I can see why the detective gig didn't work out. Come on. -Got your ticket? No. They must have sent it to my beach house by mistake. -You see Tran? Uh unh. -Alright. We're going up. And do what? Take on his whole posse? -And do what? Take on his whole posse? I still got one ace to play. Tran's got what I want... and I've got what he wants... -That's the original. There are no copies. Exactly. That's why it's a make- able deal. -Take it to him. A cop? You want me to trust a cop?! -A cop? You want me to trust a cop?! No. Trust me. -Oh boy. What if you're wrong? Then we'll be right where we are now. -Then we'll be right where we are now. Yeah, right. Fucked. -Are we under arrest? Naw. They just have to ask us a few questions... for about six hours. -Hey, Lenny. We made it. Yeah. We did. -Well... Get going. You're still bleeding. See you downtown. -See you downtown. Yeah. See you there. -Where were you Mom? Did you meet a guy? Just Lenny. -Just Lenny. Right. That explains it. -Right. That explains it. Are you going to make me beg? -What is that? Cheerios and wieners. I made it myself. It's good. -Cheerios and wieners. I made it myself. It's good. Well give me some then... I'm starving. -We're going to aunt Cecile's, honey. We're going to watch fireworks from there. Let's go. Chop chop. Aw, Mom! -No. I haven't noticed because I make my payments. So, Max Pelcher, how's the P.I. business? Sucks. Hey, Bobby, turn that up. -Hey, isn't that Tran Vo? Yup. He was Jeriko's manager. Bummer, Tran! Lost your golden goose. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. -Yup. He was Jeriko's manager. Bummer, Tran! Lost your golden goose. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. But I mean isn't he Faith's new-- -But I mean isn't he Faith's new-- Sssssh! Not in front of Lenny. You may trigger a maudlin display which will force us to tranquilize him. -He's skull-fucking you, bud. Trying to get a reaction. Maybe pushing you to do something. Maybe he just figures Lenny will appreciate what he's created. It's the dark end of the street, Lenny. How do you like it now? -Problem is, Lenny knows everybody. Take the tape to the cops. -Those two psycho cops are on a slash-and-burn to find the tape and cover their tracks. This seems a little sophisticated for them. These are not subtle guys. -This seems a little sophisticated for them. These are not subtle guys. There's more to this whole thing than you think. -So you're saying we just pretend is didn't happen? It happened! The LAPD executed one of the most important black men in America! Who the fuck are you to bury this?! Fine. Do you want blood running waist deep in the storm drains? The gangbangers'll spread like a wave through this city and burn it to the ground. And when the fires start the street cops'll be capping off at anything that moves. It'll be all- out war and you know it. -Fine. Do you want blood running waist deep in the storm drains? The gangbangers'll spread like a wave through this city and burn it to the ground. And when the fires start the street cops'll be capping off at anything that moves. It'll be all- out war and you know it. Yeah, well maybe it's time for a war! -Yeah, well maybe it's time for a war! You really want that on your head? -Was this him? Um... he was older. -Um... he was older. Besides that. -Besides that. To be honest, when I'm working, I don't look at faces much. He knew the guy's name. -To be honest, when I'm working, I don't look at faces much. He knew the guy's name. Testa? -Testa? The bearded guy, the creep. Oh, one other thing. Testa, if that's his name, he kept mentioning my feet. Said I had very pretty feet. -Have you had a chance to think about -- "Zorro. Yes, ran it through my files, even asked around: came up completely blank. Thought there might be a Mexico connection, El Paso and all, but nothing. Fooled around with the letter ""Z,"" turned it on it's side, got ""N"" -- there Ng, he's Vietnamese. The only thing that came to mind was zero, not Zorro. Remember Suspect Zero?" -"Zorro. Yes, ran it through my files, even asked around: came up completely blank. Thought there might be a Mexico connection, El Paso and all, but nothing. Fooled around with the letter ""Z,"" turned it on it's side, got ""N"" -- there Ng, he's Vietnamese. The only thing that came to mind was zero, not Zorro. Remember Suspect Zero?" No. -No. Before your time. It was Richard Low's brainchild, or, lack-of-brain child. The Behavioral Sciences Unit at Quantico is essentially the product of three men: David Koessler, Dick Low and myself. Low was a field agent, Koessler administrative, I was teaching criminology. Low came up with the concept of a serial killer's signature. He invented profiling. Everything we know about profiling started with Richard Low... -...well, there was some friction: I wanted to write up my work, educate the public, but Koessler wouldn't allow it. Low felt Koessler was more interested in career advancement than catching killers. Koessler had Low reassigned to the Pacific Northwest, Seattle. You know when they say, stick it where the sun don't shine? That's where they stuck Dick Low. Pacific Northwest is a hotbed for serials. -Pacific Northwest is a hotbed for serials. "You got that right. Low became obsessed with the Green River murders, the case had been inactive for ten years at that point. He argued the Green River Killer had actually become Suspect Zero, this master murderer who killed without pattern, killed literally hundreds of victims -- male, female, old, young, straight, gay -- and who was still killing, even though there were no bodies. It went against everything we knew. Low became increasingly paranoid. Every suspect was potentially Suspect Zero. Anybody tried to talk sense into him, he'd accuse them of being out to get him. Deputy Director Koessler was ""out to get him."" The decision was made to relieve him." -Does Koessler know about the Suspect Zero theory? Of course. He knows everything about Dick Low. -Welcome back, sir. How was the vacation? Takes four days to chill, then its time to come back. Is that...? -Takes four days to chill, then its time to come back. Is that...? Yeah. -Agent Duncan, there's an interstate issue up on 54, run out there. I'm babysitting the DEA guys this afternoon, Casio and I. You said that was top priority. -Agents Duncan, Mackelway. Anything new? Just mopping up. Nine bodies in all. -Just mopping up. Nine bodies in all. Anybody talk to the press? -Anybody talk to the press? No, sir. -No, sir. The diner? -You run the plates? Fella's name is Harold Speck, travelin' man out of Roswell. -Fella's name is Harold Speck, travelin' man out of Roswell. Excuse me, a salesman gets done in his car and you call the FBI? -Excuse me, a salesman gets done in his car and you call the FBI? Well, the victim was killed at the turn-around over there, then his car was pushed over here... ...right across the state line. That makes it Federal. This is Officer Wallace, he's out of Alamogordo. -Where's the Nuevo American Diner? Ten miles back on the Texas side. -I hope that wasn't a joke because I can assure you, from personal experience, the FBI does not have a sense of humor. That's right, Jan. -Nine bodies in Roswell, now this -- it's getting a little hairy, huh? I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourself. -I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourself. I know how the Feds like to sit on information. I got something in the car to show you. -Her name is Karen Sumpter, from near Dell City. Just disappeared a couple weeks back. Vanished. You're thinking...? -You're thinking...? Who knows. -Who knows. This isn't in our database? -This isn't in our database? I just assumed she ran away. Happens a lot around here. Look around. This place is an invitation to run away. -Agent Mackelway. Mack, this is Sheriff Dylan. -Mack, this is Sheriff Dylan. Oh Jesus, Sheriff, I am sorry. I meant to call you -- I got distracted -- the Sumpter girl was not one of Speck's victims. That's the good news. -Oh Jesus, Sheriff, I am sorry. I meant to call you -- I got distracted -- the Sumpter girl was not one of Speck's victims. That's the good news. What's the bad news? -What's the bad news? You tell me. -You tell me. No bad news. You know the Be On the LookOut you asked me to send on the diner car -- we got a hit on it. A little town on the border, Socorro. We got it staked out -- you interested? -No bad news. You know the Be On the LookOut you asked me to send on the diner car -- we got a hit on it. A little town on the border, Socorro. We got it staked out -- you interested? I'm on my way. -Hey, Sheriff. Down the road a piece is the Golden Sunset, the no-tell motel, Socorro's contribution to international relations. The car's just sitting there, no activity. I've had a couple Hispanic officers casing it all day. Want to take a look? -Down the road a piece is the Golden Sunset, the no-tell motel, Socorro's contribution to international relations. The car's just sitting there, no activity. I've had a couple Hispanic officers casing it all day. Want to take a look? What does the Manager say? -What does the Manager say? I sent a female in. The room in question was rented by an Anglo, cash; since then, nothing -- no activity, no phone response. -I sent a female in. The room in question was rented by an Anglo, cash; since then, nothing -- no activity, no phone response. Let's take a look. -The room key's in the car. On the seat. And it's getting dark. I'm not going to run this into the night. Eddie, we're walking in. Everything covered? -Show's over, boys. Nobody home. Tape it off, we'll want to fine-tooth- comb it. My guess is that the UNSUB is having us on. He checks in, pays, picks up the key, but never walks inside. Tell me if I'm wrong. -Tape it off, we'll want to fine-tooth- comb it. My guess is that the UNSUB is having us on. He checks in, pays, picks up the key, but never walks inside. Tell me if I'm wrong. Got a sister like this, what they call it, anal? That's her. -Dylan here. Sheriff Dylan, this is FBI Agent Thomas Mackelway. Remember me? -Sheriff Dylan, this is FBI Agent Thomas Mackelway. Remember me? Hi there. -Hi there. I want to talk about the Karen Sumpter case. -I want to talk about the Karen Sumpter case. You heard? -You heard? What? -What? Her body turned up. In a Minnesota cemetery. They brought her back. -You have the body? She's buried. -She's buried. I want the autopsy report, where is it, Minnesota? -I want the autopsy report, where is it, Minnesota? Winona. -The family has gone through a lot. Their daughter missing, the search, her body found, the funeral -- then this order to exhume the corpse. I'm sorry. This won't take long. -I'm sorry. This won't take long. The body was embalmed. I don't understand -- -The body was embalmed. I don't understand -- Turn the body over. There was something in the autopsy report, yes, here. These burn marks. -Turn the body over. There was something in the autopsy report, yes, here. These burn marks. A grill pattern. -A grill pattern. We need to run this through VICAP, search for similar burns. -Ligature strangulation, just like his victims. A cord, nylon, you can tell by the indentation signature -- again, like his victims. Look at that little thing and look at all the trouble it got him in. Should have cut it off. I'm not in the mood for Native American wisdom. -I'm not in the mood for Native American wisdom. We had to bring staff in from the whole county to handle this. -We had to bring staff in from the whole county to handle this. I appreciate it, doctor. You know how it is, press screaming for answers, Washington's all over me. Ever handle a serial case? -Be my guest, Agent Kulok, scrub suits are in the back. This is Agent Mackelway. -Ripped off. By hand, my guess. Perimortal: victim was alive at the time, there's blood on his throat. That's the thing. Don't know if it connects, but Harold here had a thing about eyes. Two of the victims had their eyes gouged out, another punctured. Took polaroids after. -There seems to be a discrepancy. Not a discrepancy, an error. My capacity is 5.5 tons, not 6. -Not a discrepancy, an error. My capacity is 5.5 tons, not 6. I have 6 tons. -I have 6 tons. Mam, it's my truck. I know my own capacity. -Mam, it's my truck. I know my own capacity. You can't imagine how many men have told me that. -You can't imagine how many men have told me that. It's been customized for sleeping capacity. -It's been customized for sleeping capacity. Oh yes, I see. You must get asked this a lot. -Oh yes, I see. You must get asked this a lot. Not as much as you'd think. -Jesus. Hi. What's in the case? -You... surprised me. Sorry. I've seen you in here. Always lugging that case around. Whatja sell? -Sorry. I've seen you in here. Always lugging that case around. Whatja sell? Ah... restaurant supplies. I didn't get your name. -Ah... restaurant supplies. I didn't get your name. You must travel a lot, huh? -You must travel a lot, huh? Yeah. -Yeah. Whole country or just hereabouts? -Whole country or just hereabouts? I don't mean to be rude, but... -I don't mean to be rude, but... Just gettin' a jolt of java before headin' on home? How does your wife feel about it? -Just gettin' a jolt of java before headin' on home? How does your wife feel about it? What? -What? About your being away all the time. Must get lonely. -About your being away all the time. Must get lonely. Look... -Look... You must get lonely. You ever think about, you know... -You must get lonely. You ever think about, you know... Excuse me? -Excuse me? You know, you ever think about other women? -What are you...? Fucking. I'm talking about fucking, Harold. You ever think of fucking other women? -Look, mister... Take a look, Harold. Tell me if you see anything you want. You do like to look, don't you? -My God. Not bad, huh? -Not bad, huh? You're a... you're sick. -You're a... you're sick. What's wrong with me? -Calm down, Harold. Okay, here's what we're going to do, Harold: there's a pull off up ahead, we're going to stop there. Oh God, mister, please leave me alone. -Oh God, mister, please leave me alone. You're going to miss it. Pay attention. -You're going to miss it. Pay attention. What do you want from me? -I've been looking for you. Why me? What do you want from me!? -The man who was with him, he was a construction worker? Yes. -Yes. What did he look like? -What did he look like? I didn't wait on him. Fifty or so, white, regular build, needed a shave -- that's all I remember. -I didn't wait on him. Fifty or so, white, regular build, needed a shave -- that's all I remember. How did you know he was a construction worker? -How did you know he was a construction worker? He had an orange hat on. -He was sitting here? It's been wiped down a hundred times since then. -There was a car in the lot when we closed. Gone today. What kind? -What kind? An old junker. Like a reservation car. Blue, side door with brown, you know, primer paint. New Mexico plates. A Ford or ah, yeah, a Ford. -An old junker. Like a reservation car. Blue, side door with brown, you know, primer paint. New Mexico plates. A Ford or ah, yeah, a Ford. Put a BOLO out on that. -Speck's the killer all right. We got box loads of evidence. Did 'em all the same way: torture, strangulation. Prostitutes. I don't think we'll be able to write off any outstandings on him -- this is probably the full body count. What about his killer? -What about his killer? Nada. Vague description, that's all. Fine-tooth-combed Speck's car, the diner: no fingerprints, no trace evidence. -Nada. Vague description, that's all. Fine-tooth-combed Speck's car, the diner: no fingerprints, no trace evidence. What's with the eyelids? -You have the photo from the diner? At the field office. -At the field office. Let's take a look at it. Drop off my stuff at the hotel after you're done here. -He said it was a clue? Maybe something to do with Zorro. -Maybe something to do with Zorro. "Don't say that. Don't even think that. The next thing we'll be hearing about ""Zorro Killer"" in the media -- this hasn't gotten out, has it?" -"Don't say that. Don't even think that. The next thing we'll be hearing about ""Zorro Killer"" in the media -- this hasn't gotten out, has it?" Just hospital talk. Nothing that connects to Speck. -Just hospital talk. Nothing that connects to Speck. This could all be a coincidence, but, you know something, I don't believe in coincidences. That's why I came back. Do you think the UNSUB -- we're not going to mention the word Zorro -- met Harold Speck online? -Chuck, hello. This is Agent Kulok. She has a background in medical forensics. Just an observer. -We didn't know Speck was a serial, the police didn't know, his wife didn't know -- so how did the killer know? Maybe cause he's smart. -Maybe cause he's smart. Smarter than us. -Sorry to interrupt you, sir, but I thought you'd like to know. What? -What? We have another one. -We have another one. Another what? -Another what? Serial killer killed. In Ft. Myers. Cut up in his van. And this time we got a witness. -Deputy Director, get out, sir. What are you doing? -What are you doing? Please. -Mackelway, I could understand. He is over-emotional by nature, but you, Agent Kulok, you had a shining career in front of you. Just step outside, sir. Now. Keep your hands where I can see them. -Look, sorry. Don't say a word. I know this is improper. I've been trying to speak with Deputy Director Koessler. I left a message. I must speak with you before you go back to Washington. This better be important. -I think I talked to him. Who? -Who? Speck. Harold Speck. -Speck. Harold Speck. From the grave? -From the grave? MyDick. -I'll relay this to CIIAC. They don't know how to crack these secret chat rooms -- -They don't know how to crack these secret chat rooms -- I might point out, Agent Mackelway, the reason we haven't been able to crack those rooms is that you refused to share that information with us -- which is also why you were reassigned. -I might point out, Agent Mackelway, the reason we haven't been able to crack those rooms is that you refused to share that information with us -- which is also why you were reassigned. I had gotten their trust. We were sharing fantasies. I couldn't risk it. -I had gotten their trust. We were sharing fantasies. I couldn't risk it. The Federal Bureau of Investigation is not based on personal preference. We share information. -The Federal Bureau of Investigation is not based on personal preference. We share information. Let some by-the-book J. Edgar Agents go into the chat room, spook these guys with stupid questions, blow my cover? -- no way. -Let some by-the-book J. Edgar Agents go into the chat room, spook these guys with stupid questions, blow my cover? -- no way. You refused to comply with a direct order. -You refused to comply with a direct order. I was lucky to find, much less crack, the address code -- no way to be sure I could have done it again. -I was lucky to find, much less crack, the address code -- no way to be sure I could have done it again. Its called insubordination. -Its called insubordination. Then why do I still have a badge? -How do you feel, Agent Pretty embarrassed, to be honest. I had him. -Pretty embarrassed, to be honest. I had him. Agent Kulok and I were in O'Hare when we heard. -Agent Kulok and I were in O'Hare when we heard. He got away. I had him. He got away. -He got away. I had him. He got away. Do you think he singled you out? -Do you think he singled you out? No, just coincidence. He knew who I was, of course. He had my ID -- did he keep it? -The cut on your arm -- mind if we remove the bandage? Go ahead. -Agent Mackelway, you're going to get your wish. You're going back to Washington. I want you back in Computer Crimes. Fire up those chat rooms. This time, sir, if I may be so bold, would it be possible to set up my equipment outside CIIAC, perhaps in military housing at Quantico? I didn't get along very well with the other members of the Division. We thought differently. -This time, sir, if I may be so bold, would it be possible to set up my equipment outside CIIAC, perhaps in military housing at Quantico? I didn't get along very well with the other members of the Division. We thought differently. You didn't like anyone looking over your shoulder -- why was that? What were you doing? -You didn't like anyone looking over your shoulder -- why was that? What were you doing? If my Reporting Agent could be someone outside Computer Crimes, perhaps Agent Kulok? -I'll take it into consideration. What I do requires confidentiality. -What I do requires confidentiality. I always meant to ask, what is it that makes you so special? Why is it you have this special rapport with multiple killers? Why you? -I always meant to ask, what is it that makes you so special? Why is it you have this special rapport with multiple killers? Why you? They like my stories. They like the way I think. They're into fantasy. I turn them on. -You feeling okay, Agent Mackelway? Had trouble sleeping last night, sir. -Had trouble sleeping last night, sir. Okay, Harold Speck: who goes first? -Nothing concrete. Nothing I'd... well, nothing. I don't believe this. -I don't believe this. I'm hesitant to... -I'm hesitant to... Mack the Mouth at a loss for words. -"""Murman"" was the alter identity of William Heirens, the original ""Catch Me Before I Kill Again"" killer. Short for ""Murder Man."" It was the case that got Richard Low and I started in this field." I spoke with Lloyd Daitz. -I spoke with Lloyd Daitz. That gasbag. I can imagine what he said. I'm not ashamed to admit that most of what I know about criminal profiling started with Richard Low. I have also, over the years, I admit, taken credit for many of his accomplishments. He was the most brilliant law enforcement individual I ever met. -That gasbag. I can imagine what he said. I'm not ashamed to admit that most of what I know about criminal profiling started with Richard Low. I have also, over the years, I admit, taken credit for many of his accomplishments. He was the most brilliant law enforcement individual I ever met. """Was?""" -"""Was?""" We had every reason to believe he was on that plane. He was supposed to be on the plane. Everything was incinerated, it was two weeks before we reached the crash site. We, the Director and I, decided it was in everyone's best interest to declare Dick Low dead. That way he could exit a hero. -We had every reason to believe he was on that plane. He was supposed to be on the plane. Everything was incinerated, it was two weeks before we reached the crash site. We, the Director and I, decided it was in everyone's best interest to declare Dick Low dead. That way he could exit a hero. You suspected all along, suspected he was alive. That's why you came to El Paso. -You suspected all along, suspected he was alive. That's why you came to El Paso. Dunlevy said there was another case, Ron Rice. In fact, there were two earlier cases where serials were murdered. The second was George Sheldon. I didn't enter it into VICAP -- I'll get you the file. -Dunlevy said there was another case, Ron Rice. In fact, there were two earlier cases where serials were murdered. The second was George Sheldon. I didn't enter it into VICAP -- I'll get you the file. How long ago? -How long ago? Both in the last year. I suspected only someone as brilliant as Dick Low could find these guys. Look, whatever Daitz told you, nobody wanted to strip Richard of his badge. You have to get close to be good at what he did, the trick is not to get too close. -Both in the last year. I suspected only someone as brilliant as Dick Low could find these guys. Look, whatever Daitz told you, nobody wanted to strip Richard of his badge. You have to get close to be good at what he did, the trick is not to get too close. "You knew the arm slash was not ""Zorro.""" -"You knew the arm slash was not ""Zorro.""" I suspected, but you were the one Low contacted. That's why I brought you back here. -I suspected, but you were the one Low contacted. That's why I brought you back here. What did you think of the Suspect Zero theory? -What did you think of the Suspect Zero theory? It was neither a valid concept nor a valid fact. Suspect Zero came to represent every killer Dick Low had not caught. The idea took root in his head like a wild irrational vine. For someone like Low, there would always be a Suspect Zero. We couldn't let Richard go where that idea was taking him. -"I got a look in Testa's computer. His screen name was ""Imelda."" Have to give him that, had a sense of humor." Collected shoes too? -We're waiting for trace evidence results on the Rice killing. We need to put out an NCIC inquiry. -We need to put out an NCIC inquiry. How do you send out an APB on a dead man? -How do you send out an APB on a dead man? Huh?, sir. -Huh?, sir. I want to catch Dick Low, more than you can imagine, but I cannot risk going public. What happens when the media finds out that a former FBI Special Agent, a founder of the Behavioral Sciences Unit, is not dead, but instead alive and killing people, not ordinary people, but, even worse, serial killers, making him some sort of white knight vigilante? You keep at it. We'll find him, we'll find him in our own way. -Why did you go to Chicago? I was visiting an old college friend. -I was visiting an old college friend. You didn't tell anyone where you were? -You didn't tell anyone where you were? An oversight, sir, I apologize. I felt I needed to get away for a day. The pressure. Paid for my own ticket. -An oversight, sir, I apologize. I felt I needed to get away for a day. The pressure. Paid for my own ticket. I'm told you've asked for a Bureau cross-check of flight records to and from El Paso, Ft. Myers, Omaha, the Murman murder time frames. -I'm told you've asked for a Bureau cross-check of flight records to and from El Paso, Ft. Myers, Omaha, the Murman murder time frames. I was looking for a pattern. -I was looking for a pattern. That breaks my confidentiality stipulation. -That breaks my confidentiality stipulation. I didn't use Low's name. -I didn't use Low's name. There was talk of a file photo. -There was talk of a file photo. In Ft. Myers before your instruction. Nowhere else, sir. -Watch out for Dick Low, he's a liar; he has his own world. There was a Junior Agent in Seattle, not unlike you, an Agent who fell under Dick's spell. He'd have done anything for Agent Low. Richard got this Agent to take a suspect to the crime scene, beat him up, force a confession -- all unauthorized, all illegal. The Agent died that night, killed by the suspect. Richard Low got him killed. Worst of all, we had to hush it up, let the suspect go. The suspect was George Sheldon, the second man Richard killed. I understand. -I understand. As far as the public knows, Richard Low is dead. And he will stay dead until we kill him. -He's got you believing in Zero now too. I need to get to Amarillo immediately. -I need to get to Amarillo immediately. Have you told Richard Low about Amarillo? -Have you told Richard Low about Amarillo? I can't. The chat room isn't open for another five days. -I can't. The chat room isn't open for another five days. We'll wait. Get online with Low, inform him of Zero's route -- we'll set a trap for him. -We'll wait. Get online with Low, inform him of Zero's route -- we'll set a trap for him. What about Zero, Darryl Hawkins? -What about Zero, Darryl Hawkins? Hawkins isn't the target, Richard Low's the target. -Hawkins isn't the target, Richard Low's the target. There's a killer out there -- we know who he is. He could be stalking now. -There's a killer out there -- we know who he is. He could be stalking now. Dick Low's a killer too. -Dick Low's a killer too. You're as crazy as he is! He's right! You don't give a damn about saving lives at all! Fuck you! -Miss me, Dave? Thank you, Rangers. Put this man in the unmarked. -Don't you touch him. You better hope the Director doesn't stop abruptly one day, David, you might break your nose. -You better hope the Director doesn't stop abruptly one day, David, you might break your nose. You're a disgrace to law enforcement, to the Bureau -- and to me. -You're a disgrace to law enforcement, to the Bureau -- and to me. How did a girl like me end up in a place like this? The Deputy Director here, he believes in Tough Love. A cop's cop. Shape up or ship out, righto? Agent Kulok, when you get a chance you might want to check the victims of the recent serials. You'll find that some of them have been credited to other killers, some years ago. That's a Dave Koessler trick, find a pliant sociopath, preferably a dead one, attribute to him unsolved cases, clean up the backlog-looks great in the yearly report. -You are so fucked up. Suspect Zero, now there's an idea that doesn't look good on paper -- -When I was at the rest stop, there was a young boy, maybe ten, and his mother. Darryl Hawkins, Zero, abducted the boy in the men's room. I tried to stop him. He cold-cocked me -- Listen to this guy? Can you believe this? He'll never change. Born a liar, first word out of his mouth was a lie. Make up a story, always a story, any goddamn story, to save his ass. -Agent Kulok, that boy, as we speak, is in Hawkins' truck, probably still alive, in a dark refrigerated compartment, shivering in just a T- shirt: put yourself in his mind, freezing, terrified, wanting his mother. Put yourself in his mother's place, desperate, imagining the worst is happening as she pleads, back there at the rest stop, for someone, anyone, to listen to her. This is not hypothetical, this is real. It is happening now and you can do something about it. Shut the fuck up or I'll shut you up. -Shut the fuck up or I'll shut you up. You have to save this boy. Good exists in this world. I can prove it because you can, in your life, save this one person. -Thanks for the ride. They sort of got me on shit detail, no offense. -They sort of got me on shit detail, no offense. None taken. -None taken. Maybe I shouldn't put it that way. I'm on my best behavior. I've got to watch what I say. -Maybe I shouldn't put it that way. I'm on my best behavior. I've got to watch what I say. You used to be in the Behavioral Science Unit, right? -You used to be in the Behavioral Science Unit, right? The Academy, then CIIAC. -The Academy, then CIIAC. I read your white paper. It's sort of like the Bible for what they're trying to do in Computer Crime. -I read your white paper. It's sort of like the Bible for what they're trying to do in Computer Crime. How long have you been downtown? -How long have you been downtown? Five months. I love it. -You work with Koessler? Not especially. -Not especially. Why did he come out here? What's going on? -Why did he come out here? What's going on? Beats me. He just asked me to come along, double-check the forensics. What did you do to piss him off? -This is a sexy case. Yeah, you know the vic's car, he was killed this side of the state line, the car then pushed across the border. This by an Unknown Subject, presumably the killer, who left no fucking evidence except the snapshot, which may or may not have been accidental. -Yeah, you know the vic's car, he was killed this side of the state line, the car then pushed across the border. This by an Unknown Subject, presumably the killer, who left no fucking evidence except the snapshot, which may or may not have been accidental. Doesn't fit. -Doesn't fit. This is no random killing, no one shot deal. The UNSUB has killed before; he's good at it. So what do we have? We have someone who has killed before who kills someone who kills: a serial killer of a serial killer -- and who wants the FBI to know he exists. -This is no random killing, no one shot deal. The UNSUB has killed before; he's good at it. So what do we have? We have someone who has killed before who kills someone who kills: a serial killer of a serial killer -- and who wants the FBI to know he exists. And who kills in the manner of his victim. -And who kills in the manner of his victim. That information's being withheld from the media. -That information's being withheld from the media. A very sexy case. -Some kids found you in a garbage dump. Where's my watch? It's gone. -Yes I do. It explains a lot. -Relax. J. Edgar's greatest fear: a female with a badge. The man knew how to dress. -The man knew how to dress. Don't even go there. What's up? -Don't even go there. What's up? "Setting up. Technically, anyone in a chat room can be traced back to a screen address. But, by using punters, a correspondent literally punts his address around the world, through computers in countries that have no communication treaties. The correspondent becomes ""ghosted,"" invisible." -"Setting up. Technically, anyone in a chat room can be traced back to a screen address. But, by using punters, a correspondent literally punts his address around the world, through computers in countries that have no communication treaties. The correspondent becomes ""ghosted,"" invisible." What about the chat rooms themselves? -What about the chat rooms themselves? "That's the beauty of the system. This is a fugitive chat room. It moves from place to place, chat rooms that are normally empty at certain hours: a gardening website, Chaucer buffs, a dating service. A pre- arranged code shows up in one of fifty porn rooms -- that's where I stumbled across it -- notifying ""friends"" to meet at a certain time, usually midnight to three Eastern Standard, at a certain website -- a deserted chat room, say, ""How to Plant Perennials."" Come Tuesday, twelve a.m., bingo, these like-minded deviates log on and start yakking it up: explicit sex crime gossip, who did what to whom, who wants to do what, when, why and how." -"That's the beauty of the system. This is a fugitive chat room. It moves from place to place, chat rooms that are normally empty at certain hours: a gardening website, Chaucer buffs, a dating service. A pre- arranged code shows up in one of fifty porn rooms -- that's where I stumbled across it -- notifying ""friends"" to meet at a certain time, usually midnight to three Eastern Standard, at a certain website -- a deserted chat room, say, ""How to Plant Perennials."" Come Tuesday, twelve a.m., bingo, these like-minded deviates log on and start yakking it up: explicit sex crime gossip, who did what to whom, who wants to do what, when, why and how." That's part of the reason I dropped by. I need to learn this stuff. -That's part of the reason I dropped by. I need to learn this stuff. The other reason? -The other reason? You want to have dinner? -Working the net isn't that different from ordinary undercover work. You go into the community, walk their walk, talk their talk, gain their confidence. They're all criminals? -They're all criminals? No, no, no, most of them -- I used to think all of them -- are just fantasists, guys who get off telling degrading stories. When I came across this fugitive chat room, listened in, I started to think some might actually be real, that they'd gone live. The challenge was to figure out which was which. Then I had my disagreement with Koessler. -No, no, no, most of them -- I used to think all of them -- are just fantasists, guys who get off telling degrading stories. When I came across this fugitive chat room, listened in, I started to think some might actually be real, that they'd gone live. The challenge was to figure out which was which. Then I had my disagreement with Koessler. """Gone live?""" -"""Gone live?""" "Chat jargon for moving from fantasy to real victims: ""I went live last month.""" -"Chat jargon for moving from fantasy to real victims: ""I went live last month.""" This is some serious shit. -This is some serious shit. Taking a Stryker saw, cutting off the top of someone's cranium, pulling the brain out -- what's that, a day in Spring? -Taking a Stryker saw, cutting off the top of someone's cranium, pulling the brain out -- what's that, a day in Spring? You got a point there. -You got a point there. People end up in occupations for a reason. They may think not, but they do: occupations define us. -People end up in occupations for a reason. They may think not, but they do: occupations define us. I was going to be a physician, I am a physician, but I kept drifting over to criminal psych. This seems to be the best of both. My parents still haven't forgiven me. -I was going to be a physician, I am a physician, but I kept drifting over to criminal psych. This seems to be the best of both. My parents still haven't forgiven me. I was interested in two things: computers and crime. They sort of came together. -I was interested in two things: computers and crime. They sort of came together. And one other thing. -And one other thing. What's that? -What's that? Sex. -Look at this fellow... or this one. Grown man dressed like a clown. Does he really think he looks good? -Grown man dressed like a clown. Does he really think he looks good? He thinks he looks young. -He thinks he looks young. What's this country coming to? -What's this country coming to? Take it to the next level. What are his fantasies, what turns him on, what kind of pornography does he like? If he could act out his fantasies, what would he do? Imagine yourself one of his victims, realizing your life is in his hands. What is he thinking? -Take it to the next level. What are his fantasies, what turns him on, what kind of pornography does he like? If he could act out his fantasies, what would he do? Imagine yourself one of his victims, realizing your life is in his hands. What is he thinking? My guess: he's wondering whether to get more fries or go straight to the chocolate sundae. -Every cop has a story and every story has a girl. The girl in my story was fifteen years-old. She wore a pink angora sweater -- I can still see it -- one day, she disappeared. I told the police she wouldn't run away, I told them who to look for, but I was just a kid. I sat in the police station crying and crying. My parents took me home. The girl was my cousin and the man who abducted her was a teacher I'd had. He kept her alive a week before he killed her. The police could have saved her. Every time I see a photo of a victim I see her. That's what I want to do. I want to save her. "Me too. Make any headway with ""Zorro""?" -"Me too. Make any headway with ""Zorro""?" None. Can't find a thing. Nothing on file, nothing online. It's not a part of any known killer's signature. -None. Can't find a thing. Nothing on file, nothing online. It's not a part of any known killer's signature. I was thinking, maybe we should ask Professor Daitz. Nobody knows this stuff better. -I was thinking, maybe we should ask Professor Daitz. Nobody knows this stuff better. That's because he's a fucking wacko. Never met a self-promotion scheme he didn't like. What's he doing now? -That's because he's a fucking wacko. Never met a self-promotion scheme he didn't like. What's he doing now? He's a consultant to a network TV program on Profilers. He gets a check every episode. -I ever get like that, just take me out in back and shoot me. Don't be too harsh. -Don't be too harsh. I saw him on a talk show once, talking about these killers like they were his friends. Not the victims, not the families of the victims, he doesn't talk about them. Blood money, that's what it is. Did he hit on you? -I saw him on a talk show once, talking about these killers like they were his friends. Not the victims, not the families of the victims, he doesn't talk about them. Blood money, that's what it is. Did he hit on you? Huh? -Huh? When you were his student? Did he come on to you? -When you were his student? Did he come on to you? Of course he did. He came on to every attractive student. Which bothers you most: that he exploits suffering or that he came on to me? -Of course he did. He came on to every attractive student. Which bothers you most: that he exploits suffering or that he came on to me? You must really think I'm a square, a computer nerd. -You must really think I'm a square, a computer nerd. No, Mack, I do not think you're a square and definitely not a nerd. -Why did Koessler assign you as my liaison? Because you asked him to, stupid. -Because you asked him to, stupid. Oh yeah, I forgot. -There are Agency regulations about this. """Intra-Agency fraternizing.""" -"""Intra-Agency fraternizing.""" It's a no-no. -It's a no-no. I know. -I know. I've been thinking about this. -I've been thinking about this. Does Koessler ask about me? -Does Koessler ask about me? He's called a couple times. -He's called a couple times. What did you tell him? -What did you tell him? Just routine stuff. -Just routine stuff. Not about coming to see Daitz? -Not about coming to see Daitz? Not yet. Not about this, either. -Find the feet? No. Cut off while he was still alive, look at his wrists, damn near ripped his hands off trying to get free. Must have been screaming real loud when the killer chain-sawed his throat. Unfortunately, he'd soundproofed his van. -No. Cut off while he was still alive, look at his wrists, damn near ripped his hands off trying to get free. Must have been screaming real loud when the killer chain-sawed his throat. Unfortunately, he'd soundproofed his van. We got an UNSUB walking around with four feet? -We got an UNSUB walking around with four feet? We did find these, however. -Jesus. We're trying to match them with dump site bodies. This we know is Carol Delview from Tampa, found her last Spring. This one -- -The tattoo? Sue Ann Hanson. -Sue Ann Hanson. You mean -- -You mean -- You found the body. She was one of Harold Speck's victims. In El Paso. They're not just talking to each other, Mack, they're trading souvenirs. -Did they disconnect Testa's computer? Not yet. This time they're waiting for you. -You should have seen the store manager at Parade of Shoes. She was inconsolable. Murman and Imelda had been slipping into a private chat room. Low had poor old Testa drooling on the keyboard. Abduction fantasies, voyeurism, mutilation, teasing him with fetish elements. He is very good. I think it's safe to say Richard Low is Murman. -Mack, I'm sorry. I apologize. I should have called. I had no right to sneak in on you like that. No, Jaime, I apologize. I didn't... I had no right to speak to you like that. -No, Jaime, I apologize. I didn't... I had no right to speak to you like that. I came over because I couldn't sleep and was lonely. I wanted to see you. I thought I'd surprise you. -I came over because I couldn't sleep and was lonely. I wanted to see you. I thought I'd surprise you. You did. -Maybe we should back off a bit. I can't. They trust me, they accept me. I've got their confidence. -I can't. They trust me, they accept me. I've got their confidence. No, I mean maybe we should back off a bit, you and me. -No, I mean maybe we should back off a bit, you and me. Oh. -There's the Agency issue. I think Koessler may suspect something already. We're not on the best footing with him as it is. That's true. -That's true. Then there's the other issue. -Then there's the other issue. What's that? -What's that? You need time to think. About the case, about you and me. -You need time to think. About the case, about you and me. I found a peephole into Deviant World. I'm gonna reach in and yank some of those creeps out. -I found a peephole into Deviant World. I'm gonna reach in and yank some of those creeps out. And nobody else can do that? -And nobody else can do that? Not the way I can. -Not the way I can. That's my point. Remember, you're a cop pretending to be a deviant. It's not the other way around. -That's my point. Remember, you're a cop pretending to be a deviant. It's not the other way around. Don't confuse what we do with who we are. -Don't confuse what we do with who we are. I just need to go a little slow. -Hello? Jaime? Where are you? -Jaime? Where are you? Where are you? Everybody's looking for you. -Where are you? Everybody's looking for you. What's up? -What's up? I'm in Omaha. Get to the airport. There's been another one. -My watch. He toyed with me. He sent me to Chicago. You want to get him? Find something he wants. Get him to come to you. -You want to get him? Find something he wants. Get him to come to you. Start killing people for real? -Start killing people for real? Suspect Zero. -Suspect Zero. That's a crackpot theory. Everybody says so. -That's a crackpot theory. Everybody says so. But he believes in it. That's all that matters. He toyed with you, you toy with him. Convince him you've got a lead on Suspect Zero. Use Zero, you'll find Low. -This feels like something out of a spy novel. I guess I'm a little paranoid. -I guess I'm a little paranoid. What's going on? -I met with Richard Low. These are names of missing persons he has flagged. I'm double-checking every case, but I don't want to be too obvious about it. I marked the ones I'd like you to work on. Slow down a second, you met with Low -- -Slow down a second, you met with Low -- You were right. He found me. -You were right. He found me. And you're working with him? -And you're working with him? I need something tangible. To hook him. I told him I'd found the confidential file on the Suspect Zero theory. -I need something tangible. To hook him. I told him I'd found the confidential file on the Suspect Zero theory. Does one exist? -Does one exist? Probably. I told him Koessler had ordered the report, kept it secret. -Probably. I told him Koessler had ordered the report, kept it secret. Koessler doesn't know any of this? -Koessler doesn't know any of this? I've decided to investigate Low's plane crash. While I'm at it, I thought I'd look at the cases Koessler worked with Low. -I'd be real careful if I were you. It's too late for that. I've gone ahead of the curve on this one. There's no turning back. When this is over, Koessler is going to be right or Low is going to be right or I'm going to be right, but not all of us. -It's too late for that. I've gone ahead of the curve on this one. There's no turning back. When this is over, Koessler is going to be right or Low is going to be right or I'm going to be right, but not all of us. It's okay to be wrong, just don't be dead wrong. -It's okay to be wrong, just don't be dead wrong. They say Richard Low is wrong, but because of him, women, innocent women, are alive who would be dead. -They say Richard Low is wrong, but because of him, women, innocent women, are alive who would be dead. You're putting me in a difficult position. -You're putting me in a difficult position. I got an autopsy report from El Paso that doesn't seem right. A girl on Low's list. Karen Sumpter. We're getting a court order to exhume to body. I'd like you to come and look at it. Don't worry, I've cleared it. -Jaime, do you think, when this is all over, when we're in different divisions, you think maybe you and me, we could try again? Mack, I'm just trying to keep up with now. -But why this pattern? Could be a lot of things. Depends on the freezer. I'm sorry, Mack, but I don't think this is the answer. -Tom, you okay? Hardly anyone calls me Tom. Everybody calls me Mack. I always liked that. -Hardly anyone calls me Tom. Everybody calls me Mack. I always liked that. You okay? -You okay? Yeah, of course. -Yeah, of course. What's going on? -It's quite advanced. "Burn marks. The original M.E. listed it as ""burn residue."" Same place, the outer thigh, as Karen Sumpter. The UNSUB is able to abduct, kill, transport and bury without detection." -"Burn marks. The original M.E. listed it as ""burn residue."" Same place, the outer thigh, as Karen Sumpter. The UNSUB is able to abduct, kill, transport and bury without detection." All the same killer? -All the same killer? Low calls him Suspect Zero. -Low calls him Suspect Zero. Suspect Zero is a crackpot theory. You said so. -Suspect Zero is a crackpot theory. You said so. That's what Koessler wants us to believe. To discredit Low. -That's what Koessler wants us to believe. To discredit Low. You're assigned, we're assigned, to apprehend Richard Low, not Suspect Zero. I have to tell you, Mack, I'm not comfortable where you're going. -You're assigned, we're assigned, to apprehend Richard Low, not Suspect Zero. I have to tell you, Mack, I'm not comfortable where you're going. "But it was your idea: ""use Zero,"" you said, use Zero to get Low." -I haven't changed anything. Damn. I... -I... I've got to take a piss. -Jaime -- It's a truck. A refrigerated truck. -It's a truck. A refrigerated truck. Zero abducts victims all over the country, kills them, keeps them refrigerated for days, weeks, even months, then buries them hundreds, thousands of miles away. Karen Sumpter was buried, washed up in a flood. Evans was buried. When we get Zero, we'll find boneyards all across the country. -Zero abducts victims all over the country, kills them, keeps them refrigerated for days, weeks, even months, then buries them hundreds, thousands of miles away. Karen Sumpter was buried, washed up in a flood. Evans was buried. When we get Zero, we'll find boneyards all across the country. How are we going to find him? -How are we going to find him? Get the routes of all refrigerated trucks over the last ten years. We've got three disappearance cities and dates, three parallel discovery cities. Get into the mainframe, let it crunch this information. -What happened? I'm going to Amarillo. -Agent... Kulok. -Kulok. Agent Kulok, could you wipe my face? -Unlock these cuffs. Sit back. -Mack must think Zero has a police band. Of course he does. Now get the key, get these things off me. Unhook me. -Uncuff me. What's wrong with you? Don't you want to save the boy? I want to protect the boy. I also want to protect Suspect Zero -- from you. -Okay, I'll unhook you. No weapon. No weapon. -No weapon. Turn around. Stretch your arms over the seat. -Bitch! Cunt! Please, please, please don't do this, Agent Kulok. You need me. I'll be back. -How did you know Speck was a killer? The little piggie speaks. -Who are you? I'll give you a little hint. You're a smart guy, figure it out. -Agent Mackelway? Yes. -Yes. This is Richard Low. Stay on the phone. Do not disconnect. I'm watching you. I will instruct you where to drive. -This is Richard Low. Stay on the phone. Do not disconnect. I'm watching you. I will instruct you where to drive. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. When you exit, head east on 10th. -Dave Koessler must have you jumping through hoops. I believe it is you, sir, who has us jumping through hoops. -I believe it is you, sir, who has us jumping through hoops. How's the arm? -How's the arm? I've been reading, hearing about you. I spoke to Koessler, Professor Daitz. -I've been reading, hearing about you. I spoke to Koessler, Professor Daitz. He couldn't break an egg with a hammer. He still writing those crime porn books? -He couldn't break an egg with a hammer. He still writing those crime porn books? He's moved on to TV. -He's moved on to TV. He always had a weakness in that area. I saw it the first time I met him. We all had our weaknesses, I guess. Daitz wanted the money. With Dave it was the glory. Koessler saw the Behavioral Sciences Unit as a stepping stone to bigger and better bureaucratic things. He had his eye on the Director's job, even then. Catching killers was a means to an end for them. -What was your weakness, sir? I'm not sure, exactly. I had monsters on the brain. I wanted to get these guys, every one of them. I got obsessive. -I'm not sure, exactly. I had monsters on the brain. I wanted to get these guys, every one of them. I got obsessive. Suspect Zero? -Suspect Zero? Deputy Director Koessler opposed the theory because it meant pressing the legal envelope, risking high-profile failure. Better to get rid of me. Then he could be Mr. Serial Killer, Mr. Authority on Deviant Behavior -- no embarrassing questions about the contribution of one Richard Low. Do you really think that plane crashed by accident? Do you really think I wasn't on it by accident? I've always had a good sense of intuition. -Deputy Director Koessler opposed the theory because it meant pressing the legal envelope, risking high-profile failure. Better to get rid of me. Then he could be Mr. Serial Killer, Mr. Authority on Deviant Behavior -- no embarrassing questions about the contribution of one Richard Low. Do you really think that plane crashed by accident? Do you really think I wasn't on it by accident? I've always had a good sense of intuition. So you went underground? -So you went underground? Was I afraid of Dave Koessler? Not likely. I told you, I'd gotten a bit obsessive. It was an opportunity to back off, think things through. Where's the file? -Was I afraid of Dave Koessler? Not likely. I told you, I'd gotten a bit obsessive. It was an opportunity to back off, think things through. Where's the file? I don't carry it with me. -I don't carry it with me. You're a smart guy. Tell me what it says. -You're a smart guy. Tell me what it says. """Agent Low's theory of Suspect Zero, the undetected serial killer, is delusional, the product of good intentions, paranoia and obsession...""" -Hum a tune and I'll sing to it. The file, however, was kept open after your death. NPE disappearances, No Plausible Explanation, were sometimes filed there, deleted if the bodies were found. -It's my master list of missing persons: men, boys, girls, children over the last ten years. Two hundred and eighty-five names. A pool of possible victims. Zero killed them all? -Zero killed them all? Of course not. They're possibles. I've checked them against Bureau records, check them against your file. How did you get it? -Of course not. They're possibles. I've checked them against Bureau records, check them against your file. How did you get it? Daitz hinted it existed. It was a matter of forming the request in the proper terms. -After my hiatus, after I got my priorities readjusted, I drifted online, started tracking porn chat rooms, looking for Zero. Got accepted, came across these boys swapping stories, pictures, downloads. Never found Zero, but I did come across some Class A scumbags. How do you know who's real and who's not? -How do you know who's real and who's not? And who else did I find? Agent Thomas Mackelway, crackerjack FBI techie. I was greatly disappointed when you were re-assigned. -And who else did I find? Agent Thomas Mackelway, crackerjack FBI techie. I was greatly disappointed when you were re-assigned. You knew it was me all along? -You knew it was me all along? Please. You can't hide from me, sonny. I invented the questionnaire. I can tell those who talk from those who do it in the time it takes you to fart. -There's someone out there, Mack, I know, some man killing for the fun of it, sniffing human glue, without regard to age or sex, without predicable M.O. Someone who has a way to dispose of the bodies. You have access, you can call up local authorities, check morgues, conduct interviews. Be my man. I already have an employer. -I already have an employer. If you won't do it for me, do it for your cousin, Nadine, right? The girl in the pink sweater. -If you won't do it for me, do it for your cousin, Nadine, right? The girl in the pink sweater. Who told you about her? -Who told you about her? You did. You were with her when she disappeared, right? She took you to the mall or the movies, you turn around and she's gone. -You did. You were with her when she disappeared, right? She took you to the mall or the movies, you turn around and she's gone. It was the mall. -It was the mall. I know you, Lionheart. I watched your mind work, heard your dirty thoughts -- -I know you, Lionheart. I watched your mind work, heard your dirty thoughts -- Those were just fantasies. -We're alike. We are hunters. We have the gift. It's ancient times all over again. We stand between order and chaos. I need help. I can't carry on alone. Maybe you should back off. -Maybe you should back off. This guy, Zero, he drifts around, that's how they all start, drifting around, their minds filling up with fantasies. He thinks he's real smart, laughs at us, laughs at his victims. But he has left a trail, and the trail is somewhere in those names. You know how to reach me. Take my advice, when dealing with these FBI tight-asses, go by the book. That's what I did. -This guy, Zero, he drifts around, that's how they all start, drifting around, their minds filling up with fantasies. He thinks he's real smart, laughs at us, laughs at his victims. But he has left a trail, and the trail is somewhere in those names. You know how to reach me. Take my advice, when dealing with these FBI tight-asses, go by the book. That's what I did. You? You went by the book? -You? You went by the book? Yeah, problem was, I had the only copy. See ya. -Is he dead? Yeah. -Yeah. The boy's okay. I saw him... -Was it Zero? Yeah. -[Fantasy time, girls, give it up, give it up.] Lionheart here. I'm back. Sorry about the absence. I had to do some therapy at the crossbar hotel. -[Reality very risky.] Whatever happened to MyDick? -[Lionheart, what happened?] Something came up, Murman, my man. -[You want to talk, Lionheart, or you want to take this a little more personal?] Lead the way, Murman. -Lead the way, Murman. [Follow me.] -I've been to Chicago. [Not this way. Call it a little favor, call it a little thing I'm going to do for you. I'm going to make Chicago come alive for you. You'll owe me one.] -[Not this way. Call it a little favor, call it a little thing I'm going to do for you. I'm going to make Chicago come alive for you. You'll owe me one.] If I owe, I will go. -If I owe, I will go. [The address is 147 South Rane. It's a lively address. You got a problem with dark meat?] -[The address is 147 South Rane. It's a lively address. You got a problem with dark meat?] Haven't had any, but I'm willing to try. -Haven't had any, but I'm willing to try. [Ask for Leslie. Eight days from tonight, exactly one a.m. Be there if you dare. You cannot fool the Murman.] -[If you wanted a good steak, you should have gone to Omaha.] Let's go someplace private, Murman, I have something for you. -Let's talk about Zero. [Hello, Agent Mackelway. How's the watch? Maybe you can do one of those TV commercials, I found my watch under a serial killer's heart and it was still ticking.] -[Hello, Agent Mackelway. How's the watch? Maybe you can do one of those TV commercials, I found my watch under a serial killer's heart and it was still ticking.] I want to help you. -I want to help you. [Not the heart, the watch.] -I've located the Suspect Zero file. Did you know there was one? Koessler ordered it as part of your evaluation. [Don't jerk a jerk-off. There's nothing in the Bureau mainframe.] -[Don't jerk a jerk-off. There's nothing in the Bureau mainframe.] Not everything is imputed to memory. The most confidential stuff is kept top secret hard copy. Why would the Zero file be kept secret? -Not everything is imputed to memory. The most confidential stuff is kept top secret hard copy. Why would the Zero file be kept secret? [You tell me.] -[You tell me.] George Sheldon? The second serial killer killed in the manner of his killings. The crime scene profile was never entered into VICAP. At whose request? David Koessler. -George Sheldon? The second serial killer killed in the manner of his killings. The crime scene profile was never entered into VICAP. At whose request? David Koessler. [What does the file say?] -[What does the file say?] I want to go live with you. -I want to go live with you. [And I want to go back to Needlepoint.] -[And I want to go back to Needlepoint.] Leave this room, I'll go back with you, blow your cover. -Leave this room, I'll go back with you, blow your cover. [I don't think so. We want the same thing. See ya.] -Good morning, sir. Agent Salinas, sir. So you're the new meat? -So you're the new meat? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. What did you do to end up here? -What did you do to end up here? I believe it's in my file, sir. -I believe it's in my file, sir. Johnny, get this man's file. Mackelway, right? -Johnny, get this man's file. Mackelway, right? Thomas Mackelway. -Thomas Mackelway. Hot enough for you, Agent Mackelway? Hell's doorknob. What they got you doing? -Hot enough for you, Agent Mackelway? Hell's doorknob. What they got you doing? Updating the condition of all Bureau- owned vehicles in the southwest sector, sir. -Updating the condition of all Bureau- owned vehicles in the southwest sector, sir. Sounds like fun. -"""Computer Investigation and Infrastructure Assessment Center."" Quantico out of MIT -- you're a techie? Okay, you screwed up once. So did half the guys here. That's why they're here." I screwed up twice, sir. -I screwed up twice, sir. I see that. Washington to Philadelphia to here. Philly's a nice station. How many agents? -I see that. Washington to Philadelphia to here. Philly's a nice station. How many agents? Four hundred and sixty, sir. -Four hundred and sixty, sir. """Attitude Adjustment Issues"" -- what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" -"""Attitude Adjustment Issues"" -- what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I wished to be reinstated at Computer Crimes. I was undiplomatic in my request. -I wished to be reinstated at Computer Crimes. I was undiplomatic in my request. This is a first. You criticized the Deputy Director to his face and you still have a badge? You must have some one-of-a-kind skills. Why don't you just quit? I mean, you're not going to get promoted, not wearing this jacket. -This is a first. You criticized the Deputy Director to his face and you still have a badge? You must have some one-of-a-kind skills. Why don't you just quit? I mean, you're not going to get promoted, not wearing this jacket. I like working for the Bureau, sir. I like catching bad guys. It's all I care about. -I like working for the Bureau, sir. I like catching bad guys. It's all I care about. Jesus, just what I need, another blue flamer. Johnny, get this boy some sun screen. -Agent Mackelway, you want to get off your ass and do something for a change? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Got a vehicle? Head north on 54. When you get to New Mexico you've gone too far. -Headed there now. The same shift will be on at noon. This case has sent bells and alarms ringing all the way to Washington. Your old boss is coming out. -This case has sent bells and alarms ringing all the way to Washington. Your old boss is coming out. Koessler? -Koessler? The same. -No. Hope you never do. At first it feels like a sauna, by the time you hit victim four it's a fucking burning shirt factory. -"""MyDick?""" MyDick. As in my dick. That was his screen name. -MyDick. As in my dick. That was his screen name. I don't... -I don't... "Eight, nine months ago. When I was at Computer Crime. I got into a chat room with someone named MyDick. I'd talked to him before. Everything I saw yesterday, everything in the autopsies, it's identical. The forensics are dead on. MyDick's fantasies involved a hog-tie rig, nylon cord, torture with pliers, rip the nipples -- when the ""item"" screams, she chokes. He had a thing about eyes, always the eyes -- stab their eyes. It's the same guy. Speck was MyDick." -"Eight, nine months ago. When I was at Computer Crime. I got into a chat room with someone named MyDick. I'd talked to him before. Everything I saw yesterday, everything in the autopsies, it's identical. The forensics are dead on. MyDick's fantasies involved a hog-tie rig, nylon cord, torture with pliers, rip the nipples -- when the ""item"" screams, she chokes. He had a thing about eyes, always the eyes -- stab their eyes. It's the same guy. Speck was MyDick." Speck is dead. -Speck is dead. I talked to him. -But why attack an Agent? He wants us to know he's out there, what he's doing. It's not enough just to kill somebody like Speck, he wants us to know he did it. -How far is Amarillo? 350 miles. -350 miles. Now, Mr. Hawkins, when last in Amarillo, where did you get gas? -Locate a jet, we're going to Amarillo. Excuse me, Agent Mackelway? -Excuse me, Agent Mackelway? This man, Hawkins, has killed dozens of people. Suspect Zero. -I don't think you understand. What is it exactly I don't understand, Agent Mackelway? -What is it exactly I don't understand, Agent Mackelway? Deputy Director Koessler doesn't want Zero. All he cares about is Low. -Deputy Director Koessler doesn't want Zero. All he cares about is Low. Perhaps you can explain it to him. It's Agent Mackelway. -I'm Agent Thomas Mackelway, FBI. There is no way you will escape. Assistant Deputy Director Richard Low is en route with another Agent. You may know Low by another name. You may know him by the name Murman. I am Lionheart. Murman! -Murman! He's a brilliant man. Brilliant enough to catch you. -He's a brilliant man. Brilliant enough to catch you. Brilliant? You think he caught any of them because he was brilliant? Hardboy? MyDick? Imelda? Ripper? Think about it, how did he locate them? He found them as Murman. And how did Murder Man find them? With sweet talk and brains? No. He did it with souvenirs. He took them into private rooms, swapped goodies: pictures, panties, jewelry, body parts. Snuff downloads. As bait. That's why I never exchanged with him. He killed girls, oh yeah, harvested them. He had the best stuff. Richard Low is Murman and Murman is one of us. -"You want to ""profile"" me? Find out what makes me ""tick""? Write about me, go on a talk show, give me a nickname?" It's over for you. -It's over for you. Take your shirt off. -Michael, this is Grandma. I want to know if you got the part on that television program. I told the whole family and they're very excited to know if... Skipping message. End of final message. Shit. -Shit. You have to put things in perspective. -You have to put things in perspective. I know, I know. -I know, I know. You've been through worse. -You've been through worse. You're right. I know. -You're right. I know. Ever since I've known you. -Ever since I've known you. I don't know about that. -I don't know about that. Moving here from New York was much more of an adjustment than this. -Moving here from New York was much more of an adjustment than this. It didn't feel that way. -It didn't feel that way. That's because it was a challenge. You has control over you're situation. It was hard, but you rose to it. -That's because it was a challenge. You has control over you're situation. It was hard, but you rose to it. Okay. I'll think about that. Bye. -Okay. I'll think about that. Bye. You really should. Life, after all, is really just a series of challenges... -You really should. Life, after all, is really just a series of challenges... Enough. I've got to use the phone. -Enough. I've got to use the phone. Are you calling Her? -Are you calling Her? No. Stop, come on. -You should call your Grandmother. Shuddup. -Don't do it, Mike. Shut up. -Do you realize that I've been waiting for that call for six months and I cut her off? You're money, baby. -How are you ladies doing this evening? What do you drive? -What do you drive? I'm sorry? -I'm sorry? What kind of car do you drive? -What kind of car do you drive? Oh... a Cavalier. -You like laughing at the misery of others? I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Let me make it up to you. -Thanks. I've seen you somewhere... Where have I seen you? -I've seen you somewhere... Where have I seen you? You ever go to the Kelbo's? On Pico? -You ever go to the Kelbo's? On Pico? ...maybe... -...maybe... ...Monday nights? I host an open mike... -...Monday nights? I host an open mike... You're a comedian? -You're a comedian? Yeah. -Yeah. What's that like? -What's that like? Well, you know, it's tough. A lot of traveling. A lot of hotels... but, you know, it's a dream... and the money's really good. I think I might buy another really expensive imported car after my next gig in Vegas... -Well, you know, it's tough. A lot of traveling. A lot of hotels... but, you know, it's a dream... and the money's really good. I think I might buy another really expensive imported car after my next gig in Vegas... I know! Starbucks! I served you an espresso at Starbucks. -I know! Starbucks! I served you an espresso at Starbucks. Are you sure? Maybe... -Are you sure? Maybe... Yes! Remember? You asked me for an application? I introduced you to the manager? -Yes! Remember? You asked me for an application? I introduced you to the manager? Oh, yeah... Boy, that must've been a while ago. -Oh, yeah... Boy, that must've been a while ago. I'd say about two weeks. -I'd say about two weeks. Probably a little longer than that, but, whatever. -Probably a little longer than that, but, whatever. You better pay the man. -Well, thank you...? Nikki. -Nikki. Thank you, Nikki. -Hi. Hi. -Hi. I'm Mike. -I'm Mike. Hi, Mike. I'm Lorraine. -Hi, Mike. I'm Lorraine. Like the quiche? -Like the quiche? Yes. Like the quiche. -Yes. Like the quiche. I like quiche. -I like quiche. I thought real men don't like quiche. -I thought real men don't like quiche. My reputation seems to have preceded me. -My reputation seems to have preceded me. Why? You're not a real man? -Why? You're not a real man? Not lately. -...so I thought, what the hell, they make movies in L.A., not in Michigan, so I moved here. Just like that? -Just like that? Well, it wasn't the simple, but yeah. -Well, it wasn't the simple, but yeah. How was it hard? -How was it hard? Well, I left someone very special behind. -Well, I left someone very special behind. Tell me about it... -Tell me about it... You too? -You too? Yeah. -Yeah. I thought I was going to die. -I thought I was going to die. It's been six months and I'm just starting to get over it. -It's been six months and I'm just starting to get over it. Oh, God. That's two more than me. Tell me it gets better. -Oh, God. That's two more than me. Tell me it gets better. It does. -It does. How? -How? Well, it still sucks, but you start to see that there are advantages to being single. -Well, it still sucks, but you start to see that there are advantages to being single. Like what? -Like what? What what? What advantages? -What else? What else...? Let's see... You have complete freedom. -What else...? Let's see... You have complete freedom. To do what? -To do what? I don't know... To grow, to go out. Whatever you want. -I don't know... To grow, to go out. Whatever you want. Anything? -Anything? Anything. -Anything. Like if I meet a handsome young man and I wanted to ask him to dance? I can do that? -Like if I meet a handsome young man and I wanted to ask him to dance? I can do that? Uh, if the guy wants to. -Uh, if the guy wants to. You don't think the guy would find me attractive enough to dance with? -You don't think the guy would find me attractive enough to dance with? Yes. I mean, no. I mean, maybe he would find her, I mean you attractive. Maybe he doesn't like to dance. Maybe all he likes to do is just stand around and drink and smoke and look cool with his buddies who don't dance either... -Yes. I mean, no. I mean, maybe he would find her, I mean you attractive. Maybe he doesn't like to dance. Maybe all he likes to do is just stand around and drink and smoke and look cool with his buddies who don't dance either... Maybe it doesn't matter if he's a good dancer cause it's a slow song, if that's what he's afraid of. -Maybe it doesn't matter if he's a good dancer cause it's a slow song, if that's what he's afraid of. No... Maybe that's not the case. Maybe she shouldn't be such a smug little shit because she'd be surprised at what a good dancer he really is, but it's been a long time and he doesn't know if he's ready to... -No... Maybe that's not the case. Maybe she shouldn't be such a smug little shit because she'd be surprised at what a good dancer he really is, but it's been a long time and he doesn't know if he's ready to... Mike... -Charles! What's up, man? Oh. You know. -Oh. You know. Did you, um, did you get that pilot? -Did you, um, did you get that pilot? No, man. I know you didn't get it 'cause you wouldn't've asked me. It wasn't that funny anyway... -No, man. I know you didn't get it 'cause you wouldn't've asked me. It wasn't that funny anyway... ...piece of shit. Listen, Charles, this is my friend Rob from Back East. -...and boy does it hurt when they ask. I don't even tell them about anything I'm close on anymore... -I don't even tell them about anything I'm close on anymore... ...not until you book it... -...not until you book it... ...and even then... -...and even then... ...you might get cut out. -You want to come with us to a party at the Chateau Marmont? They got a bungalow and lots of beautiful babies. Why not? This place is dead anyway. -They're out of Glenlivet. What else is going on? -Why don't I just wait three weeks and tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and found her number... ...then ask where you met her... -...then ask where you met her... "Yeah, I'll tell her I don't remember and then I'll ask what she looks like. Then I'll ask if we fucked. How's that, Tee? Is that ""the money""?" -Hi. My pleasure. -Oh, I'm sorry. How'd your folks take it? "I haven't heard an official ""no"" yet." -"I haven't heard an official ""no"" yet." You haven't told then, huh? -You haven't told then, huh? No. -No. "I still haven't told my folks I didn't get ""Deepspace 9"". You'd think they'd'a figured it out by now, but Mom keeps asking..." -"I'm considering taking a job as a ""Goofy""." Hey, man. At least it's Disney. -...I heard it took four days to light for that shot... ...Four days..? -I know what you're saying, man. I don't know what to tell you... "...I mean, does it have to be ""Goofy""? I was playing Hamlet off-Broadway two months ago, for crying out loud..." -Hi, boys, we almost gave up on you. Oh, are we late? There are no clocks in this town. -Oh, are we late? There are no clocks in this town. Well, no harm done. This is Lisa. I'm sorry, I never got your names... -No... no... The worst was when I went in for this After-School special and I'm sitting in the waiting room with all these little kids. I see they're all signed in for the same role as me... They were auditioning for the same role as you? -They were auditioning for the same role as you? Wait... Wait... Listen... So, I check the time and place. I'm where I'm supposed to be. I call my agent... She says they asked for me specifically... -It's like, you looked at my tape. You saw my picture. Why did you call me in? You knew I was twenty-four. What an asshole. -Let me just check on my boy. Don't worry. He's in good hands. -Always... No matter what... like splitting aces. -Lisa works at the MGM Grand... "I'm a ""Dorothy""." -Oh my God. Did you get it? -The poor thing. Six years? ...And she's with someone else. -...And she's with someone else. The poor thing. I'll make some coffee. -He's so sweet. He really said that? I believe it too. He really just wants her to be happy. -I believe it too. He really just wants her to be happy. He is so sweet. -A couple of high rollers like you? Could you believe it? -Could you believe it? Wait here, I'll get you that martini. -Wait here, I'll get you that martini. Nah, I didn't really want it anyway. I just wanted to order it. -Nah, I didn't really want it anyway. I just wanted to order it. Can I get you something else? I mean, you shouldn't leave without getting something for free. -Can I get you something else? I mean, you shouldn't leave without getting something for free. No thanks. Why ruin a perfect night. -What do you guys do? I'm a comedian. -On the table. Sorry? -Sorry? You have to lay it on the table. -You have to lay it on the table. Uh, I don't want to bet it all. -You're not allowed to hand me money, sir. You'll have to lay it on the table if you want me to change it. Oh... right. -Huh? You want this in black chips. -You want this in black chips. Sure, that'll be fine. -Do you have anything smaller? Yes, but I'm afraid this table has a hundred-dollar-minimum bet. Perhaps you'd be more comfortable at one of our lower stakes tables. -Do you ever perform out here? I'd love to see you. No... -No... You should. A lot of comics play Vegas. -You should. A lot of comics play Vegas. Well, I'm afraid it's not that easy... -Well, I'm afraid it's not that easy... Why not? -Why not? There are different circuits... it's hard to explain... you wouldn't understand... -There are different circuits... it's hard to explain... you wouldn't understand... Who's your booking agent? -Who's your booking agent? Oh? You know about booking agents... I don't, uh, actually have a west coast agent as of yet... -Oh? You know about booking agents... I don't, uh, actually have a west coast agent as of yet... Well, who represents you back east? -Well, who represents you back east? Actually, it's funny you... I'm actually, uh, between... -Actually, it's funny you... I'm actually, uh, between... What do you do, Trent? -I'm sure she'll call. Six years is a long time. You don't just break it off cleanly after six years. I know, but she did. She's with someone else now... -I know, but she did. She's with someone else now... Already? You poor thing. It won't last. -Already? You poor thing. It won't last. Why not? -Why not? It's a rebound. -It's a rebound. We were a rebound, and we lasted six years. -We were a rebound, and we lasted six years. Yeah, but how long was the relationship she was rebounding from? -Yeah, but how long was the relationship she was rebounding from? Six years. -Can I check my messages? I have a calling card. Sure, I guess. The phone's in the back. -Sorry, it's just that... I understand. -You said there are advantages to being single. I want to know what the advantages are. Well... You can talk to a beautiful woman at a bar without worrying if anyone's watching you. -Well... This is it. Listen. I had a great time. -Listen. I had a great time. Me too. -Me too. I would love to see you again sometime. -I would love to see you again sometime. I'll be around. -I'll be around. That's not good enough. I want to make plans to see you. -That's not good enough. I want to make plans to see you. Let me get a pen out of my car. Do you have something to write on? -You're a comedian? Yeah. And an actor. -Yeah. And an actor. I'll have to come see you sometime. -I'll have to come see you sometime. If and when I get a real gig I'll call you. -If and when I get a real gig I'll call you. It's not going to well? -It's not going to well? When I lived in New York they made it sound like they were giving out sit-coms to stand-ups at the airport. I got off the plane in L.A. six months ago and all I got to show for it is a tan. -When I lived in New York they made it sound like they were giving out sit-coms to stand-ups at the airport. I got off the plane in L.A. six months ago and all I got to show for it is a tan. Didn't you tell me to be patient with my career? -Didn't you tell me to be patient with my career? ...Yeah, but entertainment law isn't something you just jump into... -...Yeah, but entertainment law isn't something you just jump into... Neither is acting. Not if you're serious about it. Can I have one of these? -Neither is acting. Not if you're serious about it. Can I have one of these? Why, you like the duck with the cigar? -Why, you like the duck with the cigar? "Yeah. Nice touch. It's the logo from ""You Bet Your Life"", right?" -"Yeah. Nice touch. It's the logo from ""You Bet Your Life"", right?" Good eye. Not one club owner got it. They all ask me why I got Donald Duck on my card. -Good eye. Not one club owner got it. They all ask me why I got Donald Duck on my card. Hey, at least it's not Goofy. -Well, I should be getting... ...It's really getting late. -...It's really getting late. ...home. It's getting late. Yeah. -Can I give you a ride to your car...? ...Nah. I'm right across the street... -...Nah. I'm right across the street... ...Which one...? -...Which one...? ...The red piece of shit over there... -...The red piece of shit over there... ...well, it suits you... -...well, it suits you... ...get the hell outta here already... -Hello? Hi, Mike? -Hi, Mike? Lorraine? -Lorraine? Are you on the other line? -Are you on the other line? Yeah, hold on. -Yeah, hold on. I can call back... -I can call back... No, no. Hold on. -Hi. Sorry about that. You didn't have to get off the other line. I would've called you back. -You didn't have to get off the other line. I would've called you back. That's okay. I wanted to talk to you. -Hi, Lorraine. Thanks for holding on. "Listen, Mike. You really didn't have to get off the line. I just wanted to ask you one thing. I know I shouldn't have called, I mean, my friends said I should wait two days... Oh God, I probably sound like such a schoolgirl... It's just that it's tonight only... I mean, it's Sinatra's birthday and they have this thing every year at ""The Room"". Do you know where that is? It's impossible to find if you've never been there. I don't understand why none of the clubs in Hollywood have signs. Anyway, I'm so bad at this, if you're not busy I thought you might..." -How's it going? It's been a while... ...Six months. -...Six months. How are you doing? -How are you doing? Fine... I guess. You? -Fine... I guess. You? Good. I think about things. -Good. I think about things. Yeah? -Yeah? Yeah. -Yeah. What kind of things? -What kind of things? You know, us. -You know, us. I thought you met someone else. -I thought you met someone else. It doesn't matter. I think about you every day. -It doesn't matter. I think about you every day. Really? -Really? I miss you, Mike. -I miss you, Mike. Why didn't you call? -Why didn't you call? I couldn't. Do you know how hard it's been not to call you? I pick up the phone every night. Whenever that commercial comes on... -I couldn't. Do you know how hard it's been not to call you? I pick up the phone every night. Whenever that commercial comes on... ...the Michelin commercial... -...the Michelin commercial... ...Yeah, with the baby in the tire. One time I started to cry right in front of Pierre... -...Yeah, with the baby in the tire. One time I started to cry right in front of Pierre... Pierre... That's his name? Pierre? Is he French? -Pierre... That's his name? Pierre? Is he French? No, he's not... Listen I don't want to talk about him. That's a whole other headache. I called because I heard you might be moving back to Queens... -Hi. I heard you might be moving back... -I heard you might be moving back... Yeah, uh, I don't think that's gonna be happening any time soon... Listen, can I call you right back? I gotta take this call... -Yeah, uh, I don't think that's gonna be happening any time soon... Listen, can I call you right back? I gotta take this call... I'm not home and going out of town tomorrow for a week. Can't you talk for five more minutes? -I'm not home and going out of town tomorrow for a week. Can't you talk for five more minutes? I really want to catch up with you, but I've gotta take this call. They're holding. I'll talk with you when you get back in town. Bye. -I really want to catch up with you, but I've gotta take this call. They're holding. I'll talk with you when you get back in town. Bye. Goodbye. I lov... -And what if I don't want to give up on her? You don't call. -You don't call. But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her. -But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her. Right. -Right. So I don't call either way. -So I don't call either way. Right. -Right. So what's the difference? -So what's the difference? The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back. -The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back. So the only difference is if I forget about her or pretend to forget about her. -So the only difference is if I forget about her or pretend to forget about her. Right. -Right. Well that sucks. -Well that sucks. It sucks. -It sucks. So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her. -So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her. Right... or more likely the opposite. -Right... or more likely the opposite. Right... Wait, what do you mean? -Right... Wait, what do you mean? I mean first you'll pretend not to care, not call -- whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care. -I mean first you'll pretend not to care, not call -- whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care. Unless she comes back first. -Unless she comes back first. Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore. -Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore. There's the rub. -There's the rub. There's the rub. -There's the rub. Thanks, man. Sorry we always talk about the same thing all the time... -Thanks, man. Sorry we always talk about the same thing all the time... Hey man, don't sweat it. -Hey man, don't sweat it. ...It's just that you've been there. Your advice really helps. -...It's just that you've been there. Your advice really helps. No problem. -No problem. Rob, I just want you to know, you're the only one I can talk to about her. -Rob, I just want you to know, you're the only one I can talk to about her. Thanks. Thanks, man. -I don't think I'm gonna take it. It's a gig. -It's a gig. I mean, I need the money. -I mean, I need the money. You're an actor. Find the Zen in the role. -You're an actor. Find the Zen in the role. It's definitely a step back for me. -It's definitely a step back for me. Look, there's not much of a call for Shakespeare in this town. -Look, there's not much of a call for Shakespeare in this town. "There's just something about being ""Goofy"". Any other Disney character would be fine. There's just this stigma associated with the character." -"There's just something about being ""Goofy"". Any other Disney character would be fine. There's just this stigma associated with the character." What do you want? You're tall. -What do you want? You're tall. Do you realize how hard it's going to be to tell my parents? I still haven't told them I didn't get the pilot. -Do you realize how hard it's going to be to tell my parents? I still haven't told them I didn't get the pilot. You tested over a month ago. I'm sure they figured it out by now. -You tested over a month ago. I'm sure they figured it out by now. "It's like ""Hi, Mom. I'm not going to be starring in that sitcom and, oh by the way, I'm Goofy. Send more money.""" -Haven't you noticed I didn't mention Michelle once today? I didn't want to say anything. -I didn't want to say anything. Why? -Why? I don't know. It's like not talking to a pitcher in the midst of a no hitter. -I don't know. It's like not talking to a pitcher in the midst of a no hitter. What? Like, you didn't want to jinx it? -What? Like, you didn't want to jinx it? Kinda. -Kinda. I don't talk about her that much. -I don't talk about her that much. Oh no? -Oh no? I didn't mention her once today. -I didn't mention her once today. Well, until now. Tend the pin. -The only reason I mentioned her at all is to say that I'm not going to talk about her anymore. I thought you'd appreciate that. I do. Good for you, man. -I do. Good for you, man. I've decided to get out there. Go ahead. Play it out. -You want to hit the town tonight? I shouldn't, Mike, it's a weeknight. -I shouldn't, Mike, it's a weeknight. What do you have? A Pluto call back? -What do you have? A Pluto call back? Sure. Kick me when I'm down. -How many strokes? I don't know. Eight or Nine. -I don't know. Eight or Nine. I'll give you an eight. -I'll give you an eight. What'd you get? -What'd you get? An eight. -An eight. Looks like we're in a dead heat after one hole. This is turning into quite a rivalry. -So, if the party starts at eight, why are we first going to a bar at ten? To get a drink before we meet the guys for a bite at eleven. -To get a drink before we meet the guys for a bite at eleven. Oh. Where is this place? -Oh. Where is this place? It's one of these. For some reason, cool bars in L.A. have to be very hard to find and have no signs out front. -It's one of these. For some reason, cool bars in L.A. have to be very hard to find and have no signs out front. That doesn't sound too good for business. -That doesn't sound too good for business. It's kinda like a speakeasy kind of thing. It's kinda cool. It's like you're in on some kind of secret. You tell a chick you've been some place, it's like bragging that you know how to find it. The only way you could know where a place is is if someone who knows brought you there. You have to have someone come before. There is a direct line connecting you back to the original, unequivocally cool, club patrons. It's kinda like Judaism... -It's kinda like a speakeasy kind of thing. It's kinda cool. It's like you're in on some kind of secret. You tell a chick you've been some place, it's like bragging that you know how to find it. The only way you could know where a place is is if someone who knows brought you there. You have to have someone come before. There is a direct line connecting you back to the original, unequivocally cool, club patrons. It's kinda like Judaism... Sounds more like Aids... -Sounds more like Aids... ...That's probably a more appropriate analogy. -Kinda money, huh? Classy. -I'll get a Dewars rocks... Bud. -Bud. ...A Dewars on the rocks and a Bud, please. -I can't get over how cute the girls in this city are. I know. It's like the opposite of inbreeding. The hottest one percent from around the world migrate to this gene pool. -I know. It's like the opposite of inbreeding. The hottest one percent from around the world migrate to this gene pool. Darwinism at its best. -Darwinism at its best. I've been around here six months and I still can't get over it. -I've been around here six months and I still can't get over it. It's like, every day I see a beautiful woman. I'm not used to that. I'm used to seeing a beautiful woman, I don't know, once a week. I can't handle it. -It's like, every day I see a beautiful woman. I'm not used to that. I'm used to seeing a beautiful woman, I don't know, once a week. I can't handle it. Wait till summer. I swear, you can't leave the house. It hurts. It physically hurts. -Wait till summer. I swear, you can't leave the house. It hurts. It physically hurts. I can't wait till I actually get to touch one of them. -I can't wait till I actually get to touch one of them. Ah, there's the rub... -Ah, there's the rub... There's the rub. -Charles and me went to network on this pilot together. I just tested for one... -I just tested for one... ...yeah, a month ago. -...What's the big deal? Everyone steals from everyone. Well, let's hit that party. -What's that guy's name? Sue? Sue. His dad was big Johnny Cash fan. -Sue. His dad was big Johnny Cash fan. Oh, like that song... -Oh, like that song... "...""A Boy Named Sue"". I think that's why he's such a bad cat." -"...""A Boy Named Sue"". I think that's why he's such a bad cat." Him? -Him? He's a mean dude. I've seen him smash a guy's face into the curb. He knocked out his teeth... blood... He was just like Boom, Boom, Boom... fuckin nasty shit, man. He's a nice guy though. -There are so many beautiful women here. It's unbelievable. -It's unbelievable. I got to at least try once. -I got to at least try once. You're a better man than I am, Charlie Brown. -You're a better man than I am, Charlie Brown. No, I just promised myself I'd give it a try. I gotta get out there sooner or later. -No, I just promised myself I'd give it a try. I gotta get out there sooner or later. Go for it, man. -I'm going in. Will you be my wing- man? I'll be your winger. -Thanks, man. No problem, buddy. You eat anything today? -You haven't been drinking, have you? No. Just O.J. -Sorry about what happened at the Dresden. I had no idea... Don't sweat it. Now I got an L.A. gun story. You should hear the way I tell to the guys back home. He had an Uzi. Mike half-smiles. -You want to talk about it? What's the point? -What's the point? It's been two days. You should call that girl Nikki... -Uuuuugh! Oh boy. -Oh boy. I'm such an asshole. -I'm such an asshole. She wasn't your type anyway. -I think I'm gonna move Back East. Well, that's dumb. -Well, that's dumb. What's dumb about it? -What's dumb about it? Well, you're doing so well... -Well, you're doing so well... How am I doing well? I host an open mike and I played a fuckin' bus driver in a movie. Big fuckin' deal. I'm with an agency that specializes in fuckin magicians. How good am I doing? -How am I doing well? I host an open mike and I played a fuckin' bus driver in a movie. Big fuckin' deal. I'm with an agency that specializes in fuckin magicians. How good am I doing? At least you didn't get turned down for Goofy... -At least you didn't get turned down for Goofy... They turned you down? -They turned you down? They went for someone with more theme park experience. I woulda killed for that job. -See, it's all how you look at it. If your life sucks, then mine is God awful. I mean, I moved out here partially because I saw how well you were doing. You got in the union, you got an agent. I thought if you could make it, maybe I could too... I didn't make it... -I didn't make it... "That's your problem, man. You can't see what you've got, only what you've lost. Those guys are right. You are ""money""." -Then why won't she call...? Because you left, man. She's got her own world to deal with in New York. She was a sweet girl but fuck her. You gotta move on. You gotta let go of the past. The future is so beautiful. Every day is so sunny out here. It's like Manifest Destiny man. I mean, we made it. What's past is prologue. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. All that shit. You'll get over it. -Because you left, man. She's got her own world to deal with in New York. She was a sweet girl but fuck her. You gotta move on. You gotta let go of the past. The future is so beautiful. Every day is so sunny out here. It's like Manifest Destiny man. I mean, we made it. What's past is prologue. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. All that shit. You'll get over it. How did you get over it? I mean how long 'til it stopped hurting? -How did you get over it? I mean how long 'til it stopped hurting? Sometimes is still hurts. You know how it is, man. I mean, each day you think about it less and less. And then one day you wake up and you don't think of it at all, and you almost miss that feeling. It's kinda weird. You miss the pain because it was part of your life for so long. And the, boom, something reminds you of her, and you just smile that bittersweet smile. -You miss the pain? ...for the same reason you miss her. You lived with it so long. -...for the same reason you miss her. You lived with it so long. Wow. You wanna grab a bite? -Wow. You wanna grab a bite? Sure. -By the way, the guys back home said she put on some weight. You always know the right thing to say. -You little bitch! Hey Sue. Gretsky's on his ass again. -You should play another team. The Kings are bitches in this game. Hey, man. I took the Kings to the Cup. -It's kinda money, actually. Make someone bleed. -Make someone bleed. No, man, we're in the play-offs. -Pause it. Give me the money. I'll get it. -...which means no one will get there 'til ten. So, what? Eleven? -What's he do? He's trying to be an actor. -...How can you compare them? Tarantino totally bites everything from Scorsese... ...He's derivative... -Who threw this party, anyway? Damned if I know... -How's it going for you two? Not well. -Not well. Rejected? -Big butt... you know, can't fly coach. I can't believe you. -She was cute. She didn't like me... I made a fool of myself... -He's a bitch. He ain't gonna do nothing. You asshole. -You asshole. Why are you carrying a gun? What? In case someone steps to you, Snoop Dogg? Hey, man, you're not from here. You don't know how it is. I grew up in L.A... -Yeah. Here it's easier to avoid trouble. It's not like you like in Compton where bullets are whizzing by your head every day. Nobody's mugging you on no subway. In New York the trouble finds you. Out here you gotta go look for it... ...People get carjacked... -You live in such a fantasy world... What about you, Mikey? At least I got balls. You're always whining about some bitch who dumped you a year ago... -What about you, Mikey? At least I got balls. You're always whining about some bitch who dumped you a year ago... ...It was six months, and she didn't dump... -...It was six months, and she didn't dump... ...Whatever. You're like a whining little woman. Big deal. You got a fuckin' number. Whoopee! You'll fuck it up... -I'm so sorry, man. You were so right. I got rid of the gun What are they doing here? -What are they doing here? We ran into them that night at Roscoe's. Tee cleared it up, I apologized, bought them some chicken and waffles. They fuckin love Tee. That boy can talk. -But most important, man, I'm sorry about what I said. I was drunk... My adrenaline was going... Don't sweat it, man. I needed a kick in the ass. We're better friends for it. -Don't sweat it, man. I needed a kick in the ass. We're better friends for it. Thanks, man. I've been hating myself for the last two days. -Thanks, man. I've been hating myself for the last two days. Believe me, I know what that's like. Yo, Double Down! What time are we leaving? -Good for you, man. He's being smart. She's really special, guys. -Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message. Hi, Nikki. This is Mike. I met you tonight at the Dresden. I, uh, just called to say I, uh, I'm really glad we met and you should give me a call. So call me tomorrow, or, like, in two days, whatever. My number is 213- 555-4679... -Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message. Hi, Nikki. This is Mike, again. I just called because it sounded like your machine might've cut me off before I gave you my number, and also to say sorry for calling so late, but you were still there when I left the Dresden, so I knew I'd get your machine. Anyway, my number is... -Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message. 213-555-4679. That's all. I just wanted to leave my number. I don't want you to think I'm weird, or desperate or something... ...I mean, you know, we should just hang out. That's it. No expectations. Just, you know, hang out. Bye. -Hi. This is Nikki. Leaves a message. I just got out of a six-year relationship. Okay? That should help to explain why I'm acting so weird. It's not you. It's me. I just wanted to say that. Sorry. This is Mike. -Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message. Hi, Nikki. This is Mike again. Could you just call me when you get in? I'll be up for awhile, and I'd just rather talk to you in person instead of trying to squeeze it all... -Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message. Hi, Nikki. Mike. I don't think this is working out. I think you're great, but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. It's not you, really. It's me. It's only been six months... -Hi, Nikki. Mike. I don't think this is working out. I think you're great, but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. It's not you, really. It's me. It's only been six months... Mike? -Mike? Nikki! Great! Did you just walk in, or were you listening all along? -Nikki! Great! Did you just walk in, or were you listening all along? Don't call me ever again. -Don't call me ever again. Wow, I guess you were home... -There you two are. I walked around for an hour with that stupid martini on my tray. Sorry. We got knocked out pretty quickly. -Are you ready to order? "Coffee... Two coffees. It says ""Breakfast Any Time"", right?" -"Coffee... Two coffees. It says ""Breakfast Any Time"", right?" That's right. -That's right. "I'll have ""pancakes in the Age of Enlightenment""." -Excuse me. We're in a bit of a hurry. Hang on, Voltaire. -Hello? S'up Trent? -S'up Trent? Lemme get off the other line, baby. -That was Sue. We got two parties tonight. One's for a modeling agency. I don't know... -I don't know... Listen to me, baby, there are going to be beautiful babies there. -Listen to me, baby, there are going to be beautiful babies there. Trent, I don't feel like going out tonight. I got shit to do tomorrow... -Trent, I don't feel like going out tonight. I got shit to do tomorrow... Listen to you. I got an audition for a pilot at nine and I'm going. You gotta get out with some beautiful babies. You can't sit home thinking about her. -Listen to you. I got an audition for a pilot at nine and I'm going. You gotta get out with some beautiful babies. You can't sit home thinking about her. I don't know... -I don't know... I don't know, I don't know -- listen to you. We're gonna have fun tonight. We gotta get you out of that stuffy apartment. -I don't know, I don't know -- listen to you. We're gonna have fun tonight. We gotta get you out of that stuffy apartment. We're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this party and then leaving cause it sucks, then we're gonna look for this other party you heard about. But, Trent, all the parties and bars, they all suck. I spend half the night trying to talk to some girl who's eyes are darting around to see if there's someone else she should be talking to. And it's like I'm supposed to be all happy cause she's wearing a backpack. Half of them are nasty skanks who wouldn't be shit if they weren't surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. I'm not gonna be one of those assholes. It's fucking depressing. Some skank who isn't half the woman my girlfriend is is gonna front me? It makes me want to puke. -We're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this party and then leaving cause it sucks, then we're gonna look for this other party you heard about. But, Trent, all the parties and bars, they all suck. I spend half the night trying to talk to some girl who's eyes are darting around to see if there's someone else she should be talking to. And it's like I'm supposed to be all happy cause she's wearing a backpack. Half of them are nasty skanks who wouldn't be shit if they weren't surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. I'm not gonna be one of those assholes. It's fucking depressing. Some skank who isn't half the woman my girlfriend is is gonna front me? It makes me want to puke. You got it bad, baby. You need Vegas. -You got it bad, baby. You need Vegas. What are you talking about? Vegas? -What are you talking about? Vegas? VEGAS. -VEGAS. What Vegas? -What Vegas? We're going to Vegas. -We're going to Vegas. When? -When? Tonight, baby. -Tonight, baby. You're crazy. -You're crazy. I'll pick you up in a half an hour. -I'll pick you up in a half an hour. I'm not going to Vegas. -I'm not going to Vegas. Shut up -- yes you are. Now listen to Tee. We'll stop at a cash machine on the way. -I can't lose more than a hundred. Just bring your card. Half an hour. -Just bring your card. Half an hour. Wait. -Wait. What? -What? What are you wearing? I mean, we should wear suits. -What are you wearing? I mean, we should wear suits. Oh... Now Mikey wants to be a high roller. -Oh... Now Mikey wants to be a high roller. No, seriously, if you're dressed nice and you act like you gamble a lot, they give you free shit. -No, seriously, if you're dressed nice and you act like you gamble a lot, they give you free shit. Okay Bugsy. Twenty minutes. -Okay Bugsy. Twenty minutes. Wear a suit, I'm telling you it works. -Wear a suit, I'm telling you it works. Be downstairs. You're beautiful. -I took out three hundred, but I'm only gonna bet with one. I figure if we buy a lot of chips, the pit boss will see and they'll comp us all sorts of shit, then we trade back the chips at the end of the night. You gotta be cool though. I'm cool, baby. They're gonna give Daddy a room, some breakfast, maybe Bennett's singing. -I'm cool, baby. They're gonna give Daddy a room, some breakfast, maybe Bennett's singing. I'm serious. This is how you do it. I'm telling you. -I'm serious. This is how you do it. I'm telling you. I know. Daddy's gonna get the Rainman suite. Vegas, baby. We're going to Vegas! -I know. Daddy's gonna get the Rainman suite. Vegas, baby. We're going to Vegas! Vegas! You think we'll get there by midnight? -Vegas! You think we'll get there by midnight? Baby, we're gonna be up by five hundy by midnight. Vegas, baby! -Baby, we're gonna be up by five hundy by midnight. Vegas, baby! Vegas! -Vegas, baby! Vegas! -Vegas. Vegas. -Wake up, baby. Whu? -Whu? Look at it, baby. Vegas, baby! -Pirates of the fucking Caribbean. This is the hot new place, besides, you love pirates. Tell me Mikey doesn't love pirates. -This is the hot new place, besides, you love pirates. Tell me Mikey doesn't love pirates. This is fuckin' post-pubescent Disneyland. -This is fuckin' post-pubescent Disneyland. You gotta love the pirates, baby. The pirates are money. -This place is dead. I thought this was the city that never sleeps. That's New York, baby. You should know that. Look at the waitresses. I'm gonna get me a peg-leg baby. -That's New York, baby. You should know that. Look at the waitresses. I'm gonna get me a peg-leg baby. They're all skanks. -They're all skanks. Baby, there are beautiful babies here. -Baby, there are beautiful babies here. Tee, the beautiful babies don't work Wednesdays midnight to six. This is the skank shift. -Tee, the beautiful babies don't work Wednesdays midnight to six. This is the skank shift. What are you talking about? Look at all the honeys. -Cut that shit out. She smiled baby. -She smiled baby. That's not cool. -That's not cool. Did she, or did she not smile? -Did she, or did she not smile? It doesn't matter... -It doesn't matter... I'm telling you, they love that shit. -I'm telling you, they love that shit. You're gonna screw up our plan. -You're gonna screw up our plan. We're gonna get laid, baby. -We're gonna get laid, baby. First let's see what happens if we play it cool. -First let's see what happens if we play it cool. What? You think she's gonna tell her pit-boss on us? -What? You think she's gonna tell her pit-boss on us? Don't make fun, I think we can get some free shit if we don't fuck around. -Don't make fun, I think we can get some free shit if we don't fuck around. Who's fucking around? I'm not making fun. Let's do it, baby. -Who's fucking around? I'm not making fun. Let's do it, baby. The trick is to look like you don't need it, then they give you shit for free. -The trick is to look like you don't need it, then they give you shit for free. Well, you look money, baby. We both look money. -That's where we make our scene. You think they're watching? -You think they're watching? Oh, they're watching all right. They're watching. -Double down. What?!? -What?!? Double down, baby. You gotta double down on an eleven. -Double down, baby. You gotta double down on an eleven. I know, but... -I know, but... You gotta do it. -You gotta do it. ...but that's two hundred dollars. This is blood money... -...but that's two hundred dollars. This is blood money... If we don't look like we know what we're doing, then we may as well... -I'm telling you, baby, you always double down on an eleven. Yeah? Well obviously not always! -Yeah? Well obviously not always! Always, baby. -Always, baby. I'm just saying, not in this particular case. -I'm just saying, not in this particular case. Always. -Always. But I lost! How can you say always?!? -...Well, you know, not counting the first table. Thanks for clarifying that. -Thanks for clarifying that. Hey, man, I'm down too, you know. -Hey, man, I'm down too, you know. Yea, how much? -Yea, how much? I don't know, what? Thirty, Forty maybe. -I don't know, what? Thirty, Forty maybe. Don't give me that shit. You know exactly how much you lost. What'd you drop? -Don't give me that shit. You know exactly how much you lost. What'd you drop? Twenty... but I was down at least fifty. I'm sorry, I got hot at the crap table. -Twenty... but I was down at least fifty. I'm sorry, I got hot at the crap table. You won. There's nothing to be sorry about. You're a winner. I'm the fuckin loser. I should be sorry. -You won. There's nothing to be sorry about. You're a winner. I'm the fuckin loser. I should be sorry. Baby, don't talk like that, baby. -Baby, don't talk like that, baby. Let's just leave. -Let's just leave. Baby, you're money. You're the big winner. -Baby, you're money. You're the big winner. Let's go. -Let's go. Who's the big winner? -Mikey's the big winner. What an asshole. -What an asshole. Okay, Tee's the asshole, but Mikey's the big winner. -What an asshole. That was money. Tell me that wasn't money. -That was money. Tell me that wasn't money. That was so demeaning... -That was so demeaning... She smiled, baby. -She smiled, baby. I can't believe what an asshole you are. -I can't believe what an asshole you are. Did she, or did she not smile. -Did she, or did she not smile. She was smiling at what an asshole you are. -She was smiling at what an asshole you are. She was smiling at how money I am, baby. -She was smiling at how money I am, baby. Let's go. I'm not paying for a room, and if we don't leave now we'll never make it. -Let's go. I'm not paying for a room, and if we don't leave now we'll never make it. Leave? The honey-baby's bringing us some cocktails. -Leave? The honey-baby's bringing us some cocktails. What are you, nuts? You think she's coming back? -What are you, nuts? You think she's coming back? I know she's coming back. -I know she's coming back. I don't think so. -I don't think so. "Baby, did you hear her? ""You shouldn't leave without getting something for free."" She wants to party, baby." -"Baby, did you hear her? ""You shouldn't leave without getting something for free."" She wants to party, baby." You think so? -You think so? You gotta give Tee one thing. He's good with the ladies. -You gotta give Tee one thing. He's good with the ladies. I'm too tired for this. Let's just go. -I'm too tired for this. Let's just go. Baby, this is what we came for. We met a beautiful baby and she likes you. -Baby, this is what we came for. We met a beautiful baby and she likes you. She likes you. -She likes you. Whatever. We'll see. Daddy's gonna get her to bring a friend. We'll both get one. I don't care if I'm with her or one of her beautiful baby friends. -Whatever. We'll see. Daddy's gonna get her to bring a friend. We'll both get one. I don't care if I'm with her or one of her beautiful baby friends. I don't know... -I don't know... You gotta get that girl out of your head. It's time to move on. You're a stylish, successful, good looking cat. The ladies want to love you, you just gotta let them. -You gotta get that girl out of your head. It's time to move on. You're a stylish, successful, good looking cat. The ladies want to love you, you just gotta let them. That's bullshit. -That's bullshit. It's not. You're money. Any of these ladies would be lucky to pull a cat like you. -It's not. You're money. Any of these ladies would be lucky to pull a cat like you. It's just that I've been out of the game so long. Trent, I was with her for six years. That's before AIDS. I'm scared. I don't know how to talk to them, I don't know... -It's just that I've been out of the game so long. Trent, I was with her for six years. That's before AIDS. I'm scared. I don't know how to talk to them, I don't know... You can't think like that, baby. It's hard, I know. I've been there. Not for six years, but I know. You just gotta get back out there. -You can't think like that, baby. It's hard, I know. I've been there. Not for six years, but I know. You just gotta get back out there. It's just tough, after sleeping with someone you love for so long, to be with someone new... who doesn't know what I like... and you gotta wear a jimmy... -It's just tough, after sleeping with someone you love for so long, to be with someone new... who doesn't know what I like... and you gotta wear a jimmy... ...gotta... -...gotta... ...and then I'm struggling to impress some chick who's not half as classy as my girlfriend, who I'm not even really attracted to... -...and then I'm struggling to impress some chick who's not half as classy as my girlfriend, who I'm not even really attracted to... Oh fuck that. You don't have to try and impress anyone. You think I give a shit? You think I sweat that skanky whore waitress... -"That was so fuckin' money. It was like that ""Jedi mind"" shit." That's what I'm telling you, baby. The babies love that stuff. They don't want all that sensitive shit. You start talking to them about puppy dogs and ice cream. They know what you want. What do you think? You think they don't? -That's what I'm telling you, baby. The babies love that stuff. They don't want all that sensitive shit. You start talking to them about puppy dogs and ice cream. They know what you want. What do you think? You think they don't? I know. I know. -I know. I know. They know what you want, believe me. Pretending is just a waste of time. You're gonna take them there eventually anyway. Don't apologize for it. -They know what you want, believe me. Pretending is just a waste of time. You're gonna take them there eventually anyway. Don't apologize for it. I'm just trying to be a gentleman, show some respect... -I'm just trying to be a gentleman, show some respect... Respect, my ass. They respect honesty. You see how they dress when they go out? They want to be noticed. You're just showing them it's working. You gotta get off this respect kick, baby. There ain't nothing wrong with letting them now that you're money and that you want to party. -Nice, baby. I should've said Renaissance, right? It went over her head. -I should've said Renaissance, right? It went over her head. Baby, you did fine. -Baby, you did fine. """Age of Enlightenment"". Shit. Like some waitress in a Las Vegas coffee shop is going to get an obscure French philosophical reference. How demeaning. I may as well have just said ""Let me jump your ignorant bones.""..." -"""Age of Enlightenment"". Shit. Like some waitress in a Las Vegas coffee shop is going to get an obscure French philosophical reference. How demeaning. I may as well have just said ""Let me jump your ignorant bones.""..." ...Baby... -...Baby... "...It's just, I thought ""Renaissance"" was too Excaliber, it's the wrong casino. She would've gotten it, though..." -"...It's just, I thought ""Renaissance"" was too Excaliber, it's the wrong casino. She would've gotten it, though..." You did fine. Don't sweat her. We're meeting our honeys soon. You know Christy's friend is going to be money. -You did fine. Don't sweat her. We're meeting our honeys soon. You know Christy's friend is going to be money. I hope so. We gotta go soon. -I hope so. We gotta go soon. Baby, relax. It's just down the hall. She's gotta change... we'll be fine. -Baby, relax. It's just down the hall. She's gotta change... we'll be fine. We didn't do so bad after all. -We didn't do so bad after all. Baby, we're money. -"I'm Mike... and this is my friend ""Doubledown Trent""." Stop. Ladies, don't you double down on an eleven? -Whatever. Hello, Lisa. I'm Trent. What a lovely makeup job. -Oh... a Dorothy. Well... we're not in Kansas anymore. -What was the part? "Oh... ""I love you... I can't believe you're doing this... Drugs are bad..."" Whatever. After-School bullshit. The role is Brother." -"Oh... ""I love you... I can't believe you're doing this... Drugs are bad..."" Whatever. After-School bullshit. The role is Brother." """Big Brother"", ""Little Brother""?" -"""Big Brother"", ""Little Brother""?" "Wait... Wait... Just ""Brother"". So I go in. ""Hello... Hi... We loved your guest spot on Baywatch... blah blah blah..."" Whatever. So, I start to read, and, Mikey, I was money. I prepared for a week. It's a starring role. I'm crying... The casting director, she starts crying..." -"Wait... Wait... Just ""Brother"". So I go in. ""Hello... Hi... We loved your guest spot on Baywatch... blah blah blah..."" Whatever. So, I start to read, and, Mikey, I was money. I prepared for a week. It's a starring role. I'm crying... The casting director, she starts crying..." No! -No! Yes! -"Wait... She's crying. I finish. I hold up my finger like ""Wait a second"". They sit in silence for, like, at least five minutes. I look up and they all start clapping, and now they're all crying. Even the camera guy." No! Not the camera guy! -No! Not the camera guy! I'm telling you! -...So give me the fuckin part... "Right?... that I nailed it... Whatever. Then he says it's just that I'm a little old. I'm like ""How old is the Brother?"". He's like, he says this with a straight face, I swear to God, he says ""Eleven.""" -"Right?... that I nailed it... Whatever. Then he says it's just that I'm a little old. I'm like ""How old is the Brother?"". He's like, he says this with a straight face, I swear to God, he says ""Eleven.""" "So, what'd you say to him? ""Double down.""?" -No, man. I need to use the phone. What? -What? I gotta use the phone. -I gotta use the phone. Baby, you'll check them tomorrow. -Baby, you'll check them tomorrow. Please, Tee. I have to use the phone. Sorry, man. -Please, Tee. I have to use the phone. Sorry, man. Hold on. -She asked me what I was thinking about? What should I have done? Lie? You didn't have to get into it, baby. -You didn't have to get into it, baby. Sorry about interrupting... -Sorry about interrupting... Don't worry about me, baby. I just wanted you to have a good time. -Don't worry about me, baby. I just wanted you to have a good time. Christy was nice... -Christy was nice... I didn't even like her, to be honest. -I didn't even like her, to be honest. She was hot. -She was hot. She really didn't do it for me, baby. How'd you like Dorothy? -She really didn't do it for me, baby. How'd you like Dorothy? I don't know. The whole Judy Garland thing kind of turned me on. Does that makes me some kind of fag? -I don't know. The whole Judy Garland thing kind of turned me on. Does that makes me some kind of fag? No, baby. You're money. -No, baby. You're money. She didn't like me, anyway. -She didn't like me, anyway. She thought you were money. -She thought you were money. I don't think so. -I don't think so. I heard them talking. They both thought you were money. -I heard them talking. They both thought you were money. Yeah, a good friend. -Yeah, a good friend. Baby, you take yourself out of the game. You start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream, of course it's gonna be on the friend tip. -Baby, you take yourself out of the game. You start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream, of course it's gonna be on the friend tip. I just don't think she liked me in that way. -I just don't think she liked me in that way. Baby, you're so money you don't even know it. -Baby, you're so money you don't even know it. Tee, girls don't go for me the way they go for you. -Tee, girls don't go for me the way they go for you. Michelle went for you, right. -Michelle went for you, right. That was different. -That was different. How? -How? I was younger... It was college. You didn't go to college, you don't know what it's like. You screw chicks you have no business being with. They're young, they don't know any better. -I was younger... It was college. You didn't go to college, you don't know what it's like. You screw chicks you have no business being with. They're young, they don't know any better. That's just plain silly. Your self- esteem is just low because she's with someone else. But thinking about it and talking about it all the time is bad. It's no good, man. You gotta get out there. The ladies want to love you, baby. -That's just plain silly. Your self- esteem is just low because she's with someone else. But thinking about it and talking about it all the time is bad. It's no good, man. You gotta get out there. The ladies want to love you, baby. I just need some time... -I just need some time... Why? So you can beat yourself up? Sitting around in that stuffy apartment. It's just plain bad for you, man. It's depressing. You've come so far. Remember the first week? After she told you? You couldn't even eat. -Why? So you can beat yourself up? Sitting around in that stuffy apartment. It's just plain bad for you, man. It's depressing. You've come so far. Remember the first week? After she told you? You couldn't even eat. Don't remind me. -Don't remind me. You just sat around drinking orange juice. Now look at you. Look how far you've come in just a few months. You got that part in that movie... -You just sat around drinking orange juice. Now look at you. Look how far you've come in just a few months. You got that part in that movie... ...a day... -...a day... ...Whatever. It's work. You're doing what you love. What's she doing? -...Whatever. It's work. You're doing what you love. What's she doing? Selling scrap metal. -Selling scrap metal. See? And what does this guy she's with do? -See? And what does this guy she's with do? He drives a carriage. -He drives a carriage. What?!? -What?!? I hear he drives a carriage around Central Park or something. -I hear he drives a carriage around Central Park or something. "Please. And you're sweating him? You're ""all that"" and you're sweating some lawn jockey?" -"Please. And you're sweating him? You're ""all that"" and you're sweating some lawn jockey?" I hear she's getting real fat. -I hear she's getting real fat. Baby, she's the one who should be thinking about you. Sounds to me like you cut loose some dead weight. Trust me, Mikey, you're better off. -I wish the game still had fights so I could bitch-slap Wayne. This version doesn't have fighting? -This version doesn't have fighting? No. Doesn't that suck? -No. Doesn't that suck? What? That was the best part of the old game. -No. Yeah. -You guys are such assholes. Aww... He got away? -What time's this party tonight? It starts at eight... -Who? Rob? Yeah. You met him once. -Yeah. You met him once. "Yeah. He's a ""rounder""." -...the Copa, in New York... ...through the kitchen... -...Maybe. I mean you gotta hide all the lights... ...It looked money. -How you guys doing? It's on. -It's on. Which one? -Which one? Minnie Pearl. -What are you doing? What? -What? You looked right at her, baby. -You looked right at her, baby. She didn't notice. -I'm sorry. Don't sweat it, baby. This one's a lay-up. -Was I money? I don't know. It was kind of a dick move if you ask me. -I don't know. It was kind of a dick move if you ask me. Why, baby? What'd I do wrong? -Why, baby? What'd I do wrong? You asked her for her number, and then you tore it up. -You asked her for her number, and then you tore it up. She didn't see. -She didn't see. That doesn't matter. -We got the digits, baby. What a surprise. -What a surprise. What's wrong? I saw you talking to that beautiful blonde baby. -Please, don't mess with me right now... We're not messing with you... -You're not just, like, fucking with me? No, baby! -How long do I wait to call? A day. -A day. Tomorrow? -Tomorrow? No... -So, two days? Yeah. I guess you could call it that. -What the fuck..? "What an asshole. Didn't you see ""Boys in the Hood""? Now one of us is gonna get shot." -You were off your ass back there! Where the hell did you learn to do all that twirly whirly shit? I took a ballroom class with Michelle. I never danced with anyone but her, til tonight. That Lorraine chick is good. -I took a ballroom class with Michelle. I never danced with anyone but her, til tonight. That Lorraine chick is good. You were good. Did you see how she was vibing you? -It's not like that... Don't give me that! She liked you, man. -Don't give me that! She liked you, man. I know she liked me. I mean, it's not like I wanted to do anything with her tonight. -Guys... Guys... I got it under control. Oh. He's got it under control... -Bitch... You little bitch! Chelios to Roenick...! -Because he's a bitch. That's so bullshit. This is so bullshit. -...against the computer. They're a finesse team... -They're a finesse team... They're a bitch team... SCORE! Roenick! -They're a bitch team... SCORE! Roenick! Fuck!!! That is so bullshit! -I don't know. I guess kids were hitting each other or something. You could make their heads bleed, though. -You could make their heads bleed, though. Yeah... If you hit them hard their heads bleed all over the ice and their legs convulse. -Is he cute? Ask him if he wants to stay for a cocktail! ...Is he brown? -What a surprise... ...How novel. -Oh, it's on, baby... ...It's on. -Is she looking at me, baby? No. -No. Now? -Now? No. -No. Is she looking now? -Is she looking now? No! She's not looking at you. She hasn't looked at you once. Will you stop asking if... Wait, she just looked. -No! She's not looking at you. She hasn't looked at you once. Will you stop asking if... Wait, she just looked. See, baby? -Yes she did. Damn. Now I gotta go in early. -That was pretty cold, dude. What was cold about it? -It's on. You think? -You think? Baby, I know it is. It's a black diamond trail... -Baby, I know it is. It's a black diamond trail... ...double diamond... -...double diamond... ...but it's worth the risk. True or false: It's worth the risk. -...but it's worth the risk. True or false: It's worth the risk. True. -Baby, don't talk that way, baby... You are so money, and you don't even know it... -You are so money, and you don't even know it... That's what I keep trying to tell him. You're so money, you don't even know... -...we're not... You're like this big bear with claws and fangs... -You're like this big bear with claws and fangs... ...and big fuckin' teeth... -...and big fuckin' teeth... ...and teeth... And she's like this little bunny cowering in the corner... -...and teeth... And she's like this little bunny cowering in the corner... ...shivering... -...shivering... "...And you're just looking at your claws like ""How do I kill this bunny?""..." -"...And you're just looking at your claws like ""How do I kill this bunny?""..." ...You're just poking at it... -...You're just poking at it... ...Yeah. You're just gently batting it around... and the rabbit's all scared... -...Yeah. You're just gently batting it around... and the rabbit's all scared... ...and you got big claws and fangs... -...and you got big claws and fangs... "...and fangs... and you're like ""I don't know what to do. How do I kill this bunny?""..." -"...and fangs... and you're like ""I don't know what to do. How do I kill this bunny?""..." ...you're like a big bear. -...honestly... ...you're money... -...you're money... ...you're so fuckin mmmoney. -...you're so fuckin mmmoney. Now go over there and get those digits. -Now go over there and get those digits. You're money. -You're money. Now when you talk to her, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everyone's pulling for. I want you to be the guy in the rated R movie who you're not sure if you like. -...Tomorrow, then a day. ...Yeah. -Definitely. Two days. That's the industry standard... ...I used to wait two days. Now everyone waits two days. Three days is kinda money now, don't you think? -...I used to wait two days. Now everyone waits two days. Three days is kinda money now, don't you think? ...Yeah. But two's enough not to look anxious... -...Yeah. But two's enough not to look anxious... Yeah, but three days is kinda the money... -Laugh all you want, but if you call to soon you can scare off a nice baby who's ready to party. Don't listen to him. You call whenever it feels right to you. -You dick. What'd you want me to do? Back down? He called me a bitch. We kept our rep. -...Anaheim... ...Whatever. Things are different here. It's not like New York, Mikey. -...Oh, who would jack your fuckin K- car? He's right, Sue. You don't need no gat. Listen. Just because I was the only one with the balls to stand up to them... -Listen. Just because I was the only one with the balls to stand up to them... "...Oh yeah, like ""Cypress Hill"" was gonna do anything..." -...Sue... Have you gotten laid once since you moved here? Did you fuck once? -Have you gotten laid once since you moved here? Did you fuck once? ...Shut up, Sue... -...Shut up, Sue... I know for a fact you haven't, because you never shut up about it. You're like a little whiney bitch... -I know for a fact you haven't, because you never shut up about it. You're like a little whiney bitch... Sue! -It's on... ...it's on. -It's on. ...it's definitely on. -It is on. ...it is so on. -Sorry man. Yeah. You probably coulda hit that tonight if you didn't have to drive us home. -Yeah. You probably coulda hit that tonight if you didn't have to drive us home. ...Definitely... -The bear's got his claws back. Be smart about it. -Be smart about it. I'm telling you. Wait three days... -I'm telling you. Wait three days... You don't have to wait three days... -You don't have to wait three days... ...Okay, two... -...Okay, two... ...just be smart about it. -...Well, then, I guess we don't have to worry about him anymore. Our little baby's growing up... -...One fifty-nine, Two minutes. Two vodka martinis, straight up, shaken not stirred, very dry, easy on the water. -Two vodka martinis, straight up, shaken not stirred, very dry, easy on the water. Beautiful. What time are you off... ...Christy? -Beautiful. What time are you off... ...Christy? Six. -And you? I'll have the Blackbeard over easy. -I'll have the Blackbeard over easy. I'll be back with the coffee. -Yes, I understand. I'm listening. You owe the Don a service. In one hour, not before, perhaps later, he will be at your funeral parlor to ask for your help. Be there to greet him. If you have any objections speak now, and I'll inform him. -Anything...Anything the Godfather wishes. Good. He never doubted you. -Good. He never doubted you. The Don himself is coming to me tonight? -The Don himself is coming to me tonight? Yes. -This is Tom Hagen; I'm calling for Don Corleone, at his request. Yes, I understand I'm listening. -Yes, I understand I'm listening. You owe the Don a service. He has no doubt that you will repay it. -Bonasera, we know each other for years, but this is the first time you come to me for help. I don't remember the last time you invited me to your house for coffee...even though our wives are friends. What do you want of me? I'll give you anything you want, but do what I ask! -What do you want of me? I'll give you anything you want, but do what I ask! And what is that Bonasera? -No. You ask for too much. I ask for Justice. -I ask for Justice. The Court gave you justice. -The Court gave you justice. An eye for an eye! -An eye for an eye! But your daughter is still alive. -But your daughter is still alive. Then make them suffer as she suffers. How much shall I pay you. -You never think to protect yourself with real friends. You think it's enough to be an American. All right, the Police protects you, there are Courts of Law, so you don't need a friend like me. But now you come to me and say Don Corleone, you must give me justice. And you don't ask in respect or friendship. And you don't think to call me Godfather; instead you come to my house on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to do murder...for money. America has been good to me... -America has been good to me... Then take the justice from the judge, the bitter with the sweet, Bonasera. But if you come to me with your friendship, your loyalty, then your enemies become my enemies, and then, believe me, they would fear you... -Be my friend. Good. From me you'll get Justice. -Good. From me you'll get Justice. Godfather. -Godfather. Some day, and that day may never come, I would like to call upon you to do me a service in return. -What do you wish me to do? I want you to use all your powers, all your skill, as you love me. I do not want his mother to see him as he is. -Understood. I just wish I was doing more to help out. I'll come to you when I need you. -Jesus, Connie...Sure, Mike... Go back to your house and wait for me... -Godfather! You have to answer for Santino. -You fingered Sonny for the Barzini people. That little farce you played out with my sister. Did Barzini kid you that would fool a Corleone? I swear I'm innocent. I swear on the head of my children, I'm innocent. Mike, don't do this to me, please Mike, don't do this to me! -I swear I'm innocent. I swear on the head of my children, I'm innocent. Mike, don't do this to me, please Mike, don't do this to me! Barzini is dead. So is Philip Tattaglia, so are Strachi, Cuneo and Moe Greene...I want to square all the family accounts tonight. So don't tell me you're innocent; admit what you did. -Don't be frightened. Do you think I'd make my sister a widow? Do you think I'd make your children fatherless? After all, I'm Godfather to your son. No, your punishment is that you're out of the family business. I'm putting you on a plane to Vegas--and I want you to stay there. I'll send Connie an allowance, that's all. But don't keep saying you're innocent; it insults my intelligence and makes me angry. Who approached you, Tattaglia or Barzini? Barzini. -Barzini. Good, good. Leave now; there's a car waiting to take you to the airport. -What's the matter, Carlo? Shut up. -What was that? Your girl friend. She says she can't make it tonight. You lousy bastard you have the nerve to give your whores my telephone number. I'll kill you, you bastard! -You're staying home. You're not going out. OK, OK. You gonna make me something to eat at least? -The food is on the table. I'm not hungry yet. -I'm not hungry yet. Eat it, it's on the table. -Eat it, it's on the table. Ba Fa Goulle. -Ba Fa Goulle. BA FA GOULE YOU! -You filthy guinea spoiled brat. Clean it up or I'll kick your head in. Like hell I will. -You heard about your father? Yeah. -Yeah. The word is out in the streets that he's dead. -The word is out in the streets that he's dead. Where the hell was Paulie, why wasn't he with the Don? -Where the hell was Paulie, why wasn't he with the Don? Paulie's been a little sick all winter...he was home. -Paulie's been a little sick all winter...he was home. How many times did he stay home the last couple of months? -How many times did he stay home the last couple of months? Maybe three, four times. I always asked Freddie if he wanted another bodyguard, but he said no. Things have been so smooth the last ten years... -Maybe three, four times. I always asked Freddie if he wanted another bodyguard, but he said no. Things have been so smooth the last ten years... Go get Paulie, I don't care how sick he is. Pick him up yourself, and bring him to my father's house. -Go get Paulie, I don't care how sick he is. Pick him up yourself, and bring him to my father's house. That's all? Don't you want me to send some people over here? -That's all? Don't you want me to send some people over here? No, just you and Paulie. -Clemenza. You take care of Paulie. I don't ever want to see him again. Understood? Understood. -Understood. Okay, now you can move your men into the Mall, replace Tessio's people. Mike, tomorrow you take a couple of Clemenza's people and go to Luca's apartment and wait for him to show. That crazy bastard might be going after Sollozzo right now if he's heard the news. -You take care of Paulie? You won't see Paulie anymore. He's sick for good this winter. -Sollozzo knows Mike's a civilian. OK, but be careful. -I want somebody very good, very safe to plant that gun. I don't want my brother coming out of that toilet with just his dick in his hand. The gun will be there. -The gun will be there. You're on, kid...I'll square it with Mom your not seeing her before you left. And I'll get a message to your girl friend when I think the time is right. -You're on, kid...I'll square it with Mom your not seeing her before you left. And I'll get a message to your girl friend when I think the time is right. We gotta move... -Mostly it gives witnesses an excuse to change their identification when we make them see the light. Then you take a long vacation and we catch the hell. How bad will it be? -How bad will it be? Probably all the other families will line up against us. But, it's alright. These things have to happen once every ten years or so...gets rid of the bad blood. You gotta stop 'em at the beginning. Like they shoulda stopped Hitler at Munich, they shoulda never let him get away with that, they were just asking for big trouble... -We gotta fight sometime. Let us at least recruit our regimes to full strength. No, I don't want to give Barzini an excuse to start fighting. -He's going to be our lawyer in Vegas. Nobody goes to him with any other business as of now, this minute. No reflection on Tom; that's the way I want it. Besides, if I ever need any advice, who's a better Consigliere than my father. Then in a six month time we're on our own; is that it? -Then in a six month time we're on our own; is that it? Maybe less... -You look terrif on the floor! What are you, a dance judge? Go do your job; take a walk around the neighborhood... see everything is okay. -I tol' you to stay put, Paulie... The guy at the gate's outside...says there's a package... -Outside. Sure. -I'll think about it. Drive while you thinking; I wanna get to the City this month! -Good for ten men... OK, go to Arthur Avenue; I'm suppose to call when I found somethin'. -You think we'll go for that last place? Maybe, or you gotta know now. -Maybe, or you gotta know now. Holy cow, I don't gotta know nothing. -My business is heroin, I have poppy fields, laboratories in Narseilles and Sicily, ready to go into production. My importing methods are as safe as these things can be, about five per cent loss. The risk is nothing, the profits enormous. Why do you come to me? Why do I deserve your generosity? -Why do you come to me? Why do I deserve your generosity? I need two million dollars in cash...more important, I need a friend who has people in high places; a friend who can guarantee that if one of my employees be arrested, they would get only light sentences. Be my friend. -I need two million dollars in cash...more important, I need a friend who has people in high places; a friend who can guarantee that if one of my employees be arrested, they would get only light sentences. Be my friend. What percentages for my family? -What percentages for my family? Thirty per cent. In the first year your share would be four million dollars; then it would go up. -Thirty per cent. In the first year your share would be four million dollars; then it would go up. And what is the percentage of the Tattaglia family? -My compliments. I'll take care of them from my share. So. I receive 30 per cent just for finance and legal protection. No worries about operations, is that what you tell me? -So. I receive 30 per cent just for finance and legal protection. No worries about operations, is that what you tell me? If you think two million dollars in cash is just finance, I congratulate you Don Corleone. -No...how a man makes his living is none of my business. But this proposition of yours is too risky. All the people in my family lived well the last ten years, I won't risk that out of greed. Are you worried about security for your million? -Are you worried about security for your million? No. -No. The Tattaglias will guarantee your investment also. -I kept trying to call you after my divorce and Tom always said you were busy. When I got the Wedding invitation I knew you weren't sore at me anymore, Godfather. Can I do something for you still? You're not too rich, or too famous that I can't help you? -Can I do something for you still? You're not too rich, or too famous that I can't help you? I'm not rich anymore, Godfather, and...my career, I'm almost washed up... -All right, Hollywood...Now tell me about this Hollywood Pezzonovanta who won't let you work. He owns the studio. Just a month ago he bought the movie rights to this book, a best seller. And the main character is a guy just like me. I wouldn't even have to act, just be myself. -You take care of your family? Sure. -You look terrible. I want you to eat well, to rest. And spend time with your family. And then, at the end of the month, this big shot will give you the part you want. It's too late. All the contracts have been signed, they're almost ready to shoot. -It's too late. All the contracts have been signed, they're almost ready to shoot. I'll make him an offer he can't refuse. -Is it necessary? You understand him better than anyone. -I'm sure it's the most generous gift today. The Senator called--apologized for not coming personally, but said you'd understand. Also, some of the Judges...they've all sent gifts. And another call from Virgil Sollozzo. -He's his own boss, and very competent. And with prison record. -And with prison record. Two terms; one in Italy, one in the United States. He's known to the Government as a top narcotics man. That could be a plus for us; he could never get immunity to testify. -Two terms; one in Italy, one in the United States. He's known to the Government as a top narcotics man. That could be a plus for us; he could never get immunity to testify. When did he call? -When did he call? This morning. -This morning. On a day like this. Consiglero, do you also have in your notes the the Turk made his living from Prostitution before the war, like the Tattaglias do now. Write that down before you forget it. The Turk will wait. -It is Johnny. He came all the way from California to be at the wedding. Should I bring him in. -Should I bring him in. No. Let the people enjoy him. You see? He is a good godson. -No. Let the people enjoy him. You see? He is a good godson. It's been two years. He's probably in trouble again. -When does my daughter leave with her bridegroom? They'll cut the cake in a few minutes...leave right after that. Your new son-in-law, do we give him something important? -They'll cut the cake in a few minutes...leave right after that. Your new son-in-law, do we give him something important? No, give him a living. But never let him know the family's business. What else, Tom? -No, give him a living. But never let him know the family's business. What else, Tom? I've called the hospital; they've notified Consiglere Genco's family to come and wait. He won't last out the night. -What is this nonsense? It's from Johnny. It was announced this morning. He's going to play the lead in the new Woltz Brothers film. -My wife was weeping before she fell asleep, outside my window I saw my caporegimes to the house, and it is midnight. So, Consigliere of mine, I think you should tell your Don what everyone knows. I didn't tell Mama anything. I was about to come up and wake you and tell you. Just now. -I didn't tell Mama anything. I was about to come up and wake you and tell you. Just now. But you needed a drink first. -But you needed a drink first. Yes. -Yes. Now you've had your drink. -When I meet with Tattaglia's people; should I insist that all his drug middle-men be clean? Mention it, don't insist. Barzini is a man who will know that without being told. -Mention it, don't insist. Barzini is a man who will know that without being told. You mean Tattaglia. -You mean Tattaglia. Barzini. -Barzini. He was the one behind Sollozzo? -He was the one behind Sollozzo? Tattaglia is a pimp. He could never have outfought Santino. But I wasn't sure until this day. No, it was Barzini all along. -Tom, I never thought you were a bad Consigliere, I thought Santino a bad Don, rest in peace. He had a good heart but he wasn't the right man to head the family when I had my misfortune. Michael has all my confidence, as you do. For reasons which you can't know, you must have no part in what will happen. Maybe I can help. -Will your girl friend get back to the city all right? Tom said he'd take care of it. -What was this for? For bravery. -For bravery. And this? -And this? For killing a man. -For killing a man. What miracles you do for strangers. -What miracles you do for strangers. I fought for my country. It was my choice. -I fought for my country. It was my choice. And now, what do you choose to do? -And now, what do you choose to do? I'm going to finish school. -I'm going to finish school. Good. When you are finished, come and talk to me. I have hopes for you. -Have you thought about a wife? A family? No. -No. I understand, Michael. But you must make a family, you know. -I understand, Michael. But you must make a family, you know. I want children, I want a family. But I don't know when. -I want children, I want a family. But I don't know when. Accept what's happened, Michael. -Accept what's happened, Michael. I could accept everything that's happened; I could accept it, but that I never had a choice. From the time I was born, you had laid this all out for me. -I could accept everything that's happened; I could accept it, but that I never had a choice. From the time I was born, you had laid this all out for me. No, I wanted other things for you. -No, I wanted other things for you. You wanted me to be your son. -You wanted me to be your son. Yes, but sons who would be professors, scientists, musicians...and grandchildren who could be, who knows, a Governor, a President even, nothing's impossible here in America. -Yes, but sons who would be professors, scientists, musicians...and grandchildren who could be, who knows, a Governor, a President even, nothing's impossible here in America. Then why have I become a man like you? -Then why have I become a man like you? You are like me, we refuse to be fools, to be puppets dancing on a string pulled by other men. I hoped the time for guns and killing and massacres was over. That was my misfortune. That was your misfortune. I was hunted on the streets of Corleone when I was twelve years old because of who my father was. I had no choice. -You are like me, we refuse to be fools, to be puppets dancing on a string pulled by other men. I hoped the time for guns and killing and massacres was over. That was my misfortune. That was your misfortune. I was hunted on the streets of Corleone when I was twelve years old because of who my father was. I had no choice. A man has to choose what he will be. I believe that. -A man has to choose what he will be. I believe that. What else do you believe in? -I told you that it wouldn't escape his eye. How did you find out? -I see you have your Luca Brasi. I'll need him. -I'll need him. "There are men in this world who demand to be killed. They argue in gambling games; they jump out of their cars in a rage if someone so much as scratches their fender. These people wander through the streets calling out ""Kill me, kill me."" Luca Brasi was like that. And since he wasn't scared of death, and in fact, looked for it...I made him my weapon. Because I was the only person in the world that he truly hoped would not kill him. I think you have done the same with this man." -Barzini will move against you first. How? -How? He will get in touch with you through someone you absolutely trust. That person will arrange a meeting, guarantee your safety... -Your wife and children...you're happy with them? Yes. -Yes. Good. -...a fine boy from Sicily, captured by the American Army, and sent to New Jersey as a prisoner of war... Nazorine, my friend, tell me what I can do. -Nazorine, my friend, tell me what I can do. Now that the war is over, Enzo, this boy is being repatriated to Italy. And you see, Godfather... He...my daughter...they... -Now that the war is over, Enzo, this boy is being repatriated to Italy. And you see, Godfather... He...my daughter...they... You want him to stay in this country. -You want him to stay in this country. Godfather, you understand everything. -Godfather, you understand everything. Tom, what we need is an Act of Congress to allow Enzo to become a citizen. -Tom, what we need is an Act of Congress to allow Enzo to become a citizen. An Act of Congress! -Don Tommassino. Michael, why must you do this. We have been lucky so far, all these months you've been here we've kept your name a secret. It is from love for your father that I've asked you never to more than an hour from the Villa. -Michael, why must you do this. We have been lucky so far, all these months you've been here we've kept your name a secret. It is from love for your father that I've asked you never to more than an hour from the Villa. Calo and Fabrizzio are with me; nothing will happen. -Calo and Fabrizzio are with me; nothing will happen. You must understand that your Father's enemies have friends in Palermo. -You must understand that your Father's enemies have friends in Palermo. I know. -I know. Where are you going? -Where are you going? Corleone. -Corleone. There is nothing there. Not anymore. -There is nothing there. Not anymore. I was told that my Grandfather was murdered on its main street; and his murderers came to kill my father there when he was twelve years old. -I was told that my Grandfather was murdered on its main street; and his murderers came to kill my father there when he was twelve years old. Long ago. Now there is nothing: the men killed each other in family vendettas...the others escaped to America. -Long ago. Now there is nothing: the men killed each other in family vendettas...the others escaped to America. Don Tommassino...I should see this place. -That is your birthright...but Michael, use this car. No...I would like to walk to Corleone. -Things went badly in Palermo? The younger men have no respect. Things are changing; I don't know what will happen. Michael, because of the wedding, people now know your name. -The younger men have no respect. Things are changing; I don't know what will happen. Michael, because of the wedding, people now know your name. Is that why there are more men on the walls? -Is that why there are more men on the walls? Even so, I don't think it is safe here anymore. I've made plans to move you to a villa near Siracuse. You must go right away. -Even so, I don't think it is safe here anymore. I've made plans to move you to a villa near Siracuse. You must go right away. What is it? -What is it? Bad news from America. Your brother, Santino. He has been killed. -You tell us about America. How do you know I come from America? -How do you know I come from America? We hear. We were told you were a Pezzonovanta...big shot. -We hear. We were told you were a Pezzonovanta...big shot. Only the son of a Pezzonovanta. -Only the son of a Pezzonovanta. Hey America! Is she as rich as they say? -Hey America! Is she as rich as they say? Yes. -Yes. "Take me to America! You need a good lupara in America? You take me, I'll be the best man you got. ""Oh say, can you seeee...By da star early light...""" -Hey, beautiful girls! Shhhhh. -Get the car. I'll be leaving in ten minutes. Where's Calo? Calo is having a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Is your wife coming with you? -Calo is having a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Is your wife coming with you? No, she's going home to her family. She'll join me in a few weeks... -You had better bring a few bottles home with you, my friend; you'll need help sleeping tonight. This one could seduce the devil. A body! and eyes as big and black as olives. -This one could seduce the devil. A body! and eyes as big and black as olives. I know about what you mean! -I know about what you mean! This was a beauty. Right, Calo? -This was a beauty. Right, Calo? Beautiful all over, eh? -Beautiful all over, eh? And hair. Black and curly, like a doll. And such a mouth. -It's the real Thunderbolt, then. Come Sunday morning: My name is Vitelli and my house is up there on the hill, above the village. -Why didn't Moe Green meet us at the airport? He had business at the hotel, but he'll drop in for dinner. -You look wonderful, kid; really wonderful. That doctor did some job on your face. You look good, too. -Ever seen anything like that before? No. -Mike! The party starting! Come here a minute, Fredo. -Who are those girls? That's for you to find out. -That's for you to find out. Give them some money and send them home. -Give them some money and send them home. Mike! -Mike! Get rid of them... -Mike, you sure about Moe selling. He never mentioned it to me and he loves the business. I'll make him an offer he can't refuse. -Tom, you're the Consigliere; you can talk to the Don and advise him. The Don has semi-retired. I'm running the Family business now. So anything you have to say, say it to me. -The old man wants you; Johnny's here...he's got a problem. Okay. One minute. -Is the hospital covered? The cops have it locked in and I got my people there visiting Pop all the time. What about the hit list. -What about Luca? Sollozzo didn't seem worried about Luca. That worries me. If Luca sold out we're in real trouble. -If Luca sold out we're in real trouble. Has anyone been able to get in touch with him? -Has anyone been able to get in touch with him? No, and I've been calling all night. Maybe he's shacked up. -No, and I've been calling all night. Maybe he's shacked up. Luca never sleeps over with a broad. He always goes home when he's through. Mike, keep ringing Luca's number. -Tom, you're the Consigliere, what do we do if the old man dies? Without your father's political contacts and personal influence, the Corleone family loses half its strength. Without your father, the other New York families might wind up supporting Sollozzo, and the Tattaglias just to make sure there isn't a long destructive war. The old days are over, this is 1946; nobody wants bloodshed anymore. If your father dies...make the deal, Sonny. -Without your father's political contacts and personal influence, the Corleone family loses half its strength. Without your father, the other New York families might wind up supporting Sollozzo, and the Tattaglias just to make sure there isn't a long destructive war. The old days are over, this is 1946; nobody wants bloodshed anymore. If your father dies...make the deal, Sonny. That's easy to say; it's not your father. -That's easy to say; it's not your father. I was as good a son to him as you or Mike. -I was as good a son to him as you or Mike. Oh Christ Tom, I didn't mean it that way. -Oh Christ Tom, I didn't mean it that way. We're all tired... -We're all tired... OK, we sit tight until the old man can give us the lead. But Tom, I want you to stay inside the Mall. You too, Mike, no chances. Tessio, you hold your people in reserve, but have them nosing around the city. The hospital is yours; I want it tight, fool-proof, 24 hours a day. -Maybe Mike shouldn't get mixed up in this so directly. You know the old man doesn't want that. OK forget it, just stay on the phone. -Was there a definite proposal? Sure, he wants us to send Mike to meet him to hear his proposition. The promise is the deal will be so good we can't refuse. -Sure, he wants us to send Mike to meet him to hear his proposition. The promise is the deal will be so good we can't refuse. What about that Tattaglias? What will they do about Bruno? -What about that Tattaglias? What will they do about Bruno? Part of the deal: Bruno cancels out what they did to my father. -Part of the deal: Bruno cancels out what they did to my father. We should hear what they have to say. -We should hear what they have to say. No, no Consiglere. Not this time. No more meetings, no more discussions, no more Sollozzo tricks. Give them one message: I WANT SOLLOZZO. If not, it's all out war. We go to the mattresses and we put all the button men out on the street. -No, no Consiglere. Not this time. No more meetings, no more discussions, no more Sollozzo tricks. Give them one message: I WANT SOLLOZZO. If not, it's all out war. We go to the mattresses and we put all the button men out on the street. The other families won't sit still for all out war. -The other families won't sit still for all out war. Then THEY hand me Sollozzo. -Then THEY hand me Sollozzo. Come ON Sonny, your father wouldn't want to hear this. This is not a personal thing, this is Business. -Come ON Sonny, your father wouldn't want to hear this. This is not a personal thing, this is Business. And when they shot me father... -And when they shot me father... Yes, even the shooting of your father was business, not personal... -Yes, even the shooting of your father was business, not personal... No no, no more advice on how to patch it up Tom. You just help me win. Understood? -I found out about this Captain McCluskey who broke Mike's jaw. He's definitely on Sollozzo's payroll, and for big money. McCluskey's agreed to be the Turk's bodyguard. What you have to understand is that while Sollozzo is guarded like this, he's invulnerable. Nobody has ever gunned down a New York Police Captain. Never. It would be disastrous. All the five families would come after you Sonny; the Corleone family would be outcasts; even the old man's political protection would run for cover. So just...take that into consideration. McCluskey can't stay with the Turk forever. We'll wait. -One of Tattaglia's people? No. Our informer in McCluskey's precinct. Tonight at 8:00 he signed out for Louis' Restaurant in the Bronx. Anyone know it. -Jesus, I don't know... Can you do it Mike? -Pop, they hit us and we hit them back. We put out a lot of material through our contacts in the Newspapers...about McCluskey's being tied up with Sollozzo in the Drug Rackets...things are starting to loosen up. -We'll let the old man take it easy for a couple of weeks. I want to get things going good before he gets better. What's the matter with you? You start operating, the five families will start their raids again. We're at a stalemate Sonny, your war is costing us a lot of money. -You start operating, the five families will start their raids again. We're at a stalemate Sonny, your war is costing us a lot of money. No more stalemate Tom, we got the soldiers, we'll match them gun for gun if that's how they want it. They know me for what I am, Tom-- and they're scared of me. -No more stalemate Tom, we got the soldiers, we'll match them gun for gun if that's how they want it. They know me for what I am, Tom-- and they're scared of me. Yes. That's true, you're getting a hell of a reputation. -Yes. That's true, you're getting a hell of a reputation. Well it's war! We might not be in this shape if we had a real war- time Consiglere, a Sicilian. Pop had Genco, who do I have? Hey Tom, hey...hey. It's Sunday, we're gonna have dinner. Don't be sore. -Kay, we weren't expecting you. You should call... I've tried calling and writing. I want to reach Michael. -I've tried calling and writing. I want to reach Michael. Nobody knows where he is. We know he's all right, but that's all. -What was that? An accident. No one was hurt. -An accident. No one was hurt. Listen Tom, I let my cab go; can I come in to call another one? -Will you give this to him. If I accept that letter and you told a Court of Law I accepted it, they would interpret it as my having knowledge of his whereabouts. Just wait Kay, he'll contact you. -Will you give this letter to Michael. Mama, no. -Sonny was hot for my deal, right? You know it's the smart thing to do, too. I want you to talk Sonny into it. Sonny will come after you with everything he's got. -The Don was slipping; in the old days I could never have gotten to him. Now he's dead, nothing can bring him back. Talk to Sonny, talk to the Caporegimes, Clemenza and Tessio...it's good business. Even Sonny won't be able to call off Luca Brasi. -Even Sonny won't be able to call off Luca Brasi. I'll worry about Luca. You take care of Sonny and the other two kids. -I'll worry about Luca. You take care of Sonny and the other two kids. I'll try...It's what the Don would want us to do. -I'll try...It's what the Don would want us to do. Good...then you can go... I don't like violence. I'm a businessman, and blood is a big expense. -Mr. Corleone is Johnny's Godfather. That is very close, a very sacred religious relationship. Okay, but just tell him this is one favor I can't give. But he should try me again on anything else. -Okay, but just tell him this is one favor I can't give. But he should try me again on anything else. He never asks a second favor when he has been refused the first. Understood? -He never asks a second favor when he has been refused the first. Understood? You smooth son of a bitch, let me lay it on the line for you, and your boss. Johnny Fontane never gets that movie. I don't care how many Dago, Guinea, wop Greaseball Goombahs come out of the woodwork! -You smooth son of a bitch, let me lay it on the line for you, and your boss. Johnny Fontane never gets that movie. I don't care how many Dago, Guinea, wop Greaseball Goombahs come out of the woodwork! I'm German-Irish. -I'm German-Irish. Okay my Kraut-Mick friend, Johnny will never get that part because I hate that pinko punk and I'm going to run him out of the Movies. And I'll tell you why. He ruined one of Woltz Brothers' most valuable proteges. For five years I had this girl under training; singing lessons! Acting lessons! Dancing lessons! We spent hundreds of thousands of dollars--I was going to make her a star. I'll be even more frank, just to show you that I'm not a hard-hearted man, that it wasn't all dollars and cents. That girl was beautiful and young and innocent and she was the greatest piece of ass I've ever ad and I've had them all over the world. Then Johnny comes along with that olive oil voice and guinea charm and she runs off. She threw it all away to make me look ridiculous. A MAN IN MY POSITION CANNOT AFFORD TO BE MADE TO LOOK RIDICULOUS! -Hello Kay. Your father's inside, doing some business. He's been asking for you. Thanks Tom. -Sure. Anything I can do for you. No. I guess I'll see you Christmas. Everyone's going to be out at Long Beach, right? -No. I guess I'll see you Christmas. Everyone's going to be out at Long Beach, right? Right. -What about McCluskey? Let's say now that we have to kill McCluskey. We'll clear that up through our Newspaper contacts later. -Mike, why are you cutting me out of the action? Tom, we're going to be legitimate all the way, and you're the legal man. What could be more important than that. -Tom, we're going to be legitimate all the way, and you're the legal man. What could be more important than that. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about Rocco Lampone building a secret regime. Why does Neri report directly to you, rather than through me or a caporegime? -Bookkeepers know everything. Rocco's men are all a little too good for the jobs they're supposed to be doing. They get a little more money than the job's worth. Lampone's a good man; he's operating perfectly. Not so perfectly if you noticed. -Not so perfectly if you noticed. Mike, why am I out? -Mike, why am I out? You're not a wartime Consigliere. Things may get tough with the move we're trying. -You're not a wartime Consigliere. Things may get tough with the move we're trying. OK, but then I agree with Tessio. You're going about it all wrong; you're making the move out of weakness... Barzini's a wolf, and if he tears you apart, the other families won't come running to help the Corleones... -Christ, Tom; I needed more time with him. I really needed him. Did he give you his politicians? -Did he give you his politicians? Not all...I needed another four months and I would have had them all. I guess you've figured it all out? -Not all...I needed another four months and I would have had them all. I guess you've figured it all out? How will they come at you? -How will they come at you? I know now. I'll make them call me Don. -I know now. I'll make them call me Don. Have you agreed on a meeting? -Have you agreed on a meeting? A week from tonight. In Brooklyn on Tessio's ground, where I'll be safe. -I've never seen anything like it. I told you I had a lot of relatives. -Michael, what are those men doing? They're waiting to see my father. -They're waiting to see my father. They're talking to themselves. -They're talking to themselves. They're going to talk to my father, which means they're going to ask him for something, which means they better get it right. -They're going to talk to my father, which means they're going to ask him for something, which means they better get it right. Why do they bother him on a day like this? -Why do they bother him on a day like this? Because they know that no Sicilian will refuse a request on his daughter's wedding day. -No. His name is Luca Brasi. You wouldn't like him. Who is he? -Who is he? You really want to know? -You really want to know? Yes. Tell me. -Yes. Tell me. You like spaghetti? -You like spaghetti? You know I love spaghetti. -You know I love spaghetti. Then eat your spaghetti and I'll tell you a Luca Brasi story. -Once upon a time, about fifteen years ago some people wanted to take over my father's olive oil business. They had Al Capone send some men in from Chicago to kill my father, and they almost did. Al Capone! -Al Capone! My Father sent Luca Brasi after them. He tied the two Capone men hand and foot, and stuffed small bath towels into their mouths. Then he took an ax, and chopped one man's feet off... -My Father sent Luca Brasi after them. He tied the two Capone men hand and foot, and stuffed small bath towels into their mouths. Then he took an ax, and chopped one man's feet off... Michael... -Michael... Then the legs at the knees... -Then the legs at the knees... Michael you're trying to scare me... -Michael you're trying to scare me... Then the thighs where they joined the torso. -Then the thighs where they joined the torso. Michael, I don't want to hear anymore... -Michael, I don't want to hear anymore... Then Luca turned to the other man... -Then Luca turned to the other man... Michael, I love you. -Michael, I love you. ...who out of sheer terror had swallowed the bath towel in his mouth and suffocated. -I never know when you're telling me the truth. I told you you wouldn't like him. -I told you you wouldn't like him. He's coming over here! -Tom...Tom, I'd like you to meet Kay Adams. How do you do. -How do you do. My brother, Tom Hagen. -If he's your brother, why does he have a different name? My brother Sonny found him living in the streets when he was a kid, so my father took him in. He's a good lawyer. -I didn't know your family knew Johnny Fontane. Sure. -Sure. I used to come down to New York whenever he sang at the Capitol and scream my head off. -I used to come down to New York whenever he sang at the Capitol and scream my head off. He's my father's godson; he owes him his whole career. -We have something for your mother, for Sonny, we have the tie for Fredo and Tom Hagen gets the Reynolds pen... And what do you want for Christmas? -And what do you want for Christmas? Just you. -What will your father say? As long as I tell him beforehand he won't object. He'll be hurt, but he won't object. -As long as I tell him beforehand he won't object. He'll be hurt, but he won't object. What time do they expect us? -What time do they expect us? For dinner. Unless I call and tell them we're still in New Hampshire. -For dinner. Unless I call and tell them we're still in New Hampshire. Michael. -Michael. Then we can have dinner, see a show, and spend one more night. -Michael, what are you doing? Shhh, you be the long distance operator. Here. -Shhh, you be the long distance operator. Here. Hello...this is Long Distance. I have a call from New Hampshire. Mr. Michael Corleone. One moment please. -Would you like me better if I were a nun? No. -No. Would you like me better if I were Ingrid Bergman? -Michael? I'm thinking about it. -I'm thinking about it. Michael... -Michael... No, I would not like you better if you were Ingrid Bergman. -Hello. Kay? How is your father? -How is your father? He'll be OK. -He'll be OK. I love you. -I LOVE YOU. Yeah Kay, I'm here. -Yeah Kay, I'm here. Can you say it? -Can you say it? Huh? -Huh? Tell me you love me. -I can't... Please say it. -Please say it. Look. I'll see you tonight, OK? -Look. I'll see you tonight, OK? OK. -Visiting hour ends at eight thirty. I'll just sit with him; I want to show respect. Can I go to the hospital with you? -Can I go to the hospital with you? I don't think so. You don't want to end up on page 3 of the Daily News. -I don't think so. You don't want to end up on page 3 of the Daily News. My parents don't read the Daily News. All right, if you think I shouldn't. I can't believe the things the papers are printing. I'm sure most of it's not true. -My parents don't read the Daily News. All right, if you think I shouldn't. I can't believe the things the papers are printing. I'm sure most of it's not true. I don't think so either. I better go. -I don't think so either. I better go. When will I see you again? -When will I see you again? I want you to go back to New Hampshire...think things over. -When will I see you again? Goodbye. -I have to see my father and his people when we get back to the Mall. Oh Michael. -Oh Michael. We'll go to the show tomorrow night--we can change the tickets. -We'll go to the show tomorrow night--we can change the tickets. Don't you want dinner first? -Don't you want dinner first? No, you eat...don't wait up for me. -No, you eat...don't wait up for me. Wake me up when you come to bed? -Your sister wants to ask you something. Let HER ask. -Why are you so cold to her and Carlo? They live with us on the Mall now, but you never get close to them. I'm busy. -I'm busy. Connie and Carlo want you to be godfather to their little boy. -Will you? Let me think about it, O.K.? -Michael, it's not true. Please tell me. Don't ask me. -Don't ask me. Tell me! -Tell me! All right, this one time I'll let you ask about my affairs, one last time. -All right, this one time I'll let you ask about my affairs, one last time. Is it true? -I'm Michael Corleone--this is my father. What happened to the detectives who were guarding him? Oh your father just had too many visitors. It interfered with the hospital service. The police came and made them all leave just ten minutes ago. But don't worry. I look in on him. -Oh your father just had too many visitors. It interfered with the hospital service. The police came and made them all leave just ten minutes ago. But don't worry. I look in on him. You just stand here one minute... -You cannot stay here...I'm sorry. You and I are going to move my father right now...to another room on another floor...Can you disconnect those tubes so we can wheel the bed out? -You and I are going to move my father right now...to another room on another floor...Can you disconnect those tubes so we can wheel the bed out? Absolutely not! We have to get permission from the Doctor. -Absolutely not! We have to get permission from the Doctor. You've read about my father in the papers. You've seen that no one's here to guard him. Now I've just gotten word that men are coming to this hospital to kill him. Believe me and help me. -You've read about my father in the papers. You've seen that no one's here to guard him. Now I've just gotten word that men are coming to this hospital to kill him. Believe me and help me. We don't have to disconnect them, we can wheel the stand with the bed. -I was worried when we couldn't get in touch with you in that hick town. How's Mom? -How's Mom? Good. She's been through it before. Me too. You were too young to know about it. You better wait outside; there're some things you shouldn't hear. -Good. She's been through it before. Me too. You were too young to know about it. You better wait outside; there're some things you shouldn't hear. I can help you out... -I can help you out... Oh no you can't, the old man'd be sore as hell if I let you get mixed up in this. -Oh no you can't, the old man'd be sore as hell if I let you get mixed up in this. Jesus Christ, he's my father, Sonny. -Jesus Christ, he's my father, Sonny. Theresa. -All right, Mikey...who do we have to hit, Clemenza or Paulie? What? -What? One of them fingered the old man. -Clemenza? No, I don't believe it. You're right, kid, Clemenza is okay. It was Paulie. -You're right, kid, Clemenza is okay. It was Paulie. How can you be sure? -How can you be sure? On the three days Paulie was sick this month, he got calls from a payphone across from the old man's building. We got people in the phone company. Thank God it was Paulie...we'll need Clemenza bad. -Is it going to be all-out war, like last time? Until the old man tells me different. -Until the old man tells me different. Then wait, Sonny. Talk to Pop. -Then wait, Sonny. Talk to Pop. Sollozzo is a dead man, I don't care what it costs. I don't care if we have to fight all the five families in New York. The Tattaglia family's going to eat dirt. I don't care if we all go down together. -Sollozzo is a dead man, I don't care what it costs. I don't care if we have to fight all the five families in New York. The Tattaglia family's going to eat dirt. I don't care if we all go down together. That's not how Pop would have played it. -That's not how Pop would have played it. I know I'm not the man he was. But I'll tell you this and he'll tell you too. When it comes to real action, I can operate as good as anybody short range. -I know I'm not the man he was. But I'll tell you this and he'll tell you too. When it comes to real action, I can operate as good as anybody short range. All right, Sonny. All right. -All right, Sonny. All right. Christ, if I could only contact Luca. -Christ, if I could only contact Luca. Is it like they say? Is he that good? -Where are you going? To the city. -To the city. Send some bodyguards. -Send some bodyguards. I don't need them, Sonny. I'm just going to see Pop in the hospital. Also, I got other things. -Sonny...Sonny--Jesus Christ, I'm down at the hospital. I came down late. There's no one here. None of Tessio's people--no detectives, no one. The old man is completely unprotected. All right, get him in a different room; lock the door from the inside. I'll have some men there inside of fifteen minutes. Sit tight, and don't panic. -All right, get him in a different room; lock the door from the inside. I'll have some men there inside of fifteen minutes. Sit tight, and don't panic. I won't panic. -Mikey, you look beautiful! Cut it out. -Cut it out. The Turk wants to talk! The nerve of that son of a bitch! After he craps out last night he wants a meet. -We can't wait. No matter what Sollozzo say about a deal, he's figuring out how to kill Pop. You have to get Sollozzo now. The kid's right. -Go on Mike. They want me to go to the conference with Sollozzo. Set up the meeting for two days from now. Sonny, get our informers to find out where the meeting will be held. Insist it has to be a public place: a bar or restaurant at the height of the dinner hour. So I'll feel safe. They'll check me when I meet them so I won't be able to carry a weapon; but Clemenza, figure out a way to have one planted there for me. Then I'll kill them both. -Why don't you stop living like a bum and get this place cleaned up. What are you, inspecting the barracks? You ready? Did Clemenza tell you be sure to drop the gun right away? -What are you, inspecting the barracks? You ready? Did Clemenza tell you be sure to drop the gun right away? A million times. -A million times. Sollozzo and McCluskey are going to pick you up in an hour and a half on Times Square, under the big Camels sign. -O.K. How long do you think before I can come back? Probably a year... -I'm glad you came, Mike. I hope we can straighten everything out. All this is terrible, it's not the way I wanted things to happen at all. It should never have happened. I want to settle things tonight. I want my father left alone. -I want to settle things tonight. I want my father left alone. He won't be; I swear to you be my children he won't be. Just keep an open mind when we talk. I hope you're not a hothead like your brother, Sonny. It's impossible to talk business with him. -We're going to New Jersey? Maybe. -Most important...I want a sure guarantee that no more attempts will be made on my father's life. What guarantees can I give you? I am the hunted one. I've missed my chance. You think too highly of me, my friend...I am not so clever...all I want if a truce... -What is it? Is it all right if I go to the bathroom? -Do you pledge to guide and protect this child if he is left fatherless? Do you promise to shield him against the wickedness of the world? Yes, I promise. -Do you renounce Satan. I do renounce him. -I do renounce him. And all his works? -And all his works? I do renounce them. -Do you wish to be baptized? I do wish to be baptized. -Barzini's people chisel my territory and we do nothing about it. Pretty soon there won't be one place in Brooklyn I can hang my hat. Just be patient. -Just be patient. I'm not asking you for help, Mike. Just take off the handcuffs. -I'm not asking you for help, Mike. Just take off the handcuffs. Be patient. -Let us fill up our Regimes. No. I want things very calm for another six months. -No. I want things very calm for another six months. Forgive me, Godfather, let our years of friendship be my excuse. How can you hope for success there without your strength here to back you up? The two go hand in hand. And with you gone from here the Barzini and the Tattaglias will be too strong for us. -Barzini wants to arrange a meeting. Says we can straighten any of our problems out. He talked to you? -He talked to you? I can arrange security. -Mike, good to see you. Got everything you want? Thanks. -Thanks. The chef cooked for you special; the dancers will kick your tongue out and you credit is good! Draw chips for all these people so they can play on the house. -The chef cooked for you special; the dancers will kick your tongue out and you credit is good! Draw chips for all these people so they can play on the house. Is my credit good enough to buy you out? -Buy me out?... The hotel, the casino. The Corleone family wants to buy you out. -The Corleone family wants to buy me out. I buy you out. You don't buy me out. Your casino loses money. Maybe we can do better. -Your casino loses money. Maybe we can do better. You think I scam? -You think I scam? You're unlucky. -You're unlucky. You goddamn dagos. I do you a favor and take Freddie in when you're having a bad time, and then you try to push me out. -You goddamn dagos. I do you a favor and take Freddie in when you're having a bad time, and then you try to push me out. You took Freddie in because the Corleone family bankrolled your casino. You and the Corleone family are evened out. This is for business; name your price. -You took Freddie in because the Corleone family bankrolled your casino. You and the Corleone family are evened out. This is for business; name your price. The Corleone family don't have that kind of muscle anymore. The Godfather is sick. You're getting chased out of New York by Barzini and the other families, and you think you can find easier pickings here. I've talked to Barzini; I can make a deal with him and keep my hotel! -The Corleone family don't have that kind of muscle anymore. The Godfather is sick. You're getting chased out of New York by Barzini and the other families, and you think you can find easier pickings here. I've talked to Barzini; I can make a deal with him and keep my hotel! Is that why you thought you could slap Freddie around in public? -You straightened my brother out? Hell, he was banging cocktail waitresses two at a time. Players couldn't get a drink. -I have to go back to New York tomorrow. Think of your price. You son of a bitch, you think you can brush me off like that? I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders. -Yeah. Do you recognize my voice? -Do you recognize my voice? I think so. Detective squad? -I think so. Detective squad? Right. Don't say my name, just listen. Somebody shot your father outside his place fifteen minutes ago. -Right. Don't say my name, just listen. Somebody shot your father outside his place fifteen minutes ago. Is he alive? -Is he alive? I think so, but I can't get close enough. There's a lot of blood. I'll try to find out more. -I think so, but I can't get close enough. There's a lot of blood. I'll try to find out more. Find out anything you can...you got a Grand coming. -How do you do. What are you doing in Mongi? -You should come and have lunch with us, before you go -- Dickie? Sure. Any time. -Sure. Any time. And be careful in the sun. Your gray's in danger of turning a little pink. -Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know, I'm late, I'm a swine. Did you forget where I live? It's four o'clock. -Did you forget where I live? It's four o'clock. I just woke up. I'm sorry. -I just woke up. I'm sorry. You just woke up! -You just woke up! Fausto and I -- we took the boat out, we were fishing, and then it was dawn and we'd caught absolutely nothing. -Fausto and I -- we took the boat out, we were fishing, and then it was dawn and we'd caught absolutely nothing. Well, we ate everything without you. -Well, we ate everything without you. We? -We? Yes, Tom Ripley's here. -Tom was telling me about his trip over. Made me laugh so much I got a nosebleed. Is that good? -Is that good? Shut up! -I'll do it. I make a fabulous martini. Everybody should have one talent. What's yours? -What? What? Meet my father, Herbert Richard Greenleaf 1st. -Uncanny! I don't get it. -Hi Tom. Marge, Ripley's saying goodbye. -Marge, Ripley's saying goodbye. I'll come down. -I'll come down. Did you speak to my father? -Okay, we're going to Naples. There's a club, it's not a club, it's a cellar. It's vile. -It's vile. Yes, it's vile. Don't worry, you don't have to come. It's great. You're going to love it. -It'll just be for a little while. He can be... he makes me laugh. Okay, darling. -Okay, darling. You'd say if you mind? -You'd say if you mind? No, I like him. -No, I like him. Marge, you like everybody. -Marge, you like everybody. I don't like you. -I don't like you. Then I'll go to your place and you can move in with Tom. -Now you know why Miss Sherwood always shows up for breakfast. It's not love it's the coffee machine. It's the one task Dickie can do on his own -- make coffee. -It's the one task Dickie can do on his own -- make coffee. Shut up. -Shut up. Oh darling -- is that for me? -Oh darling -- is that for me? No it's for Tom as he didn't complain. -I had to promise, capital P, never to take it off -- otherwise I'd give it to you. Bastard! Isn't it great, Tom? I found it in Naples. I bargained for about two weeks. -Bastard! Isn't it great, Tom? I found it in Naples. I bargained for about two weeks. I hope it wasn't cheap. -I hope it wasn't cheap. Oh, it was. -Dubious but special honor, Tom -- crewing Dickie's boat. Alright, bar's open. Yes please! -If you're not at my place by 7.00, Tom and I are running off together. Okay. -He's drowning me! It's always the same whenever someone new comes into his life -- Freddie, Fausto, Peter Smith-Kingsley -- he's wonderful -- did you meet him, he's a musician? -- ...and especially you, of course... and that's only the boys. -Well, she was already dead, darling, wasn't she, so I suppose -- I don't know why people say this country's civilised. It isn't. It's fucking primitive. -Who's this? It's Tom. Tom Ripley. We were at Princeton together. -It's Tom. Tom Ripley. We were at Princeton together. Okay. And did we know each other? -Okay. And did we know each other? Well, I knew you, so I suppose you must have known me. -Well, I knew you, so I suppose you must have known me. Princeton is like a fog, America's like a fog. This is Marge Sherwood. Tom -- sorry, what was it? -Princeton is like a fog, America's like a fog. This is Marge Sherwood. Tom -- sorry, what was it? Ripley. Hullo. How do you do. -Nothing. Nothing much. Passing through. Passing through! You're so white. Did you ever see a guy so white, Marge? Gray, actually. -Passing through! You're so white. Did you ever see a guy so white, Marge? Gray, actually. It's just an undercoat. -It's just an undercoat. Say again? -Say again? You know, a primer. -You know, a primer. That's funny. -Who? Oh, Tom, hello, how are you? We thought you'd disappeared. We were going to send out a search party. No, still here. -I'm intruding. Can you mix a martini? -Can you mix a martini? Sure. -Forging signatures. Telling lies. Impersonating practically anybody. That's three. Nobody should have more than one talent. Okay, do an impression. -That's three. Nobody should have more than one talent. Okay, do an impression. Now? Okay. Wait a minute. Talent -- The only talent my son has is for cashing his allowance. -Now? Okay. Wait a minute. Talent -- The only talent my son has is for cashing his allowance. What? What's this? -What? What's this? I like to sail, believe me, I love to sail! Instead I make boats and other people sail them. -I like to sail, believe me, I love to sail! Instead I make boats and other people sail them. Stop! It's too much! You're making all the hairs on my neck stand up! -Stop! It's too much! You're making all the hairs on my neck stand up! Jazz, let's face it, it's just an insolent noise. -Jazz, let's face it, it's just an insolent noise. I feel like he's here. Horrible. Like the old bastard is here right now! That's brilliant! How do you know him? -I feel like he's here. Horrible. Like the old bastard is here right now! That's brilliant! How do you know him? I met him in New York. -I met him in New York. Marge! You've got to hear this! -Could you ever conceive of going there, Tom, and bringing him back? What? -What? I'd pay you. If you would go to Italy and persuade my son to come home. I'd pay you $1000. -I'm never going back! No, I think your mother, her illness -- -No, I think your mother, her illness -- It's got nothing to do with my mother! She's had leukemia for -- ! This is what makes me boil about him! HE wants me back! -- it's got nothing to do with my mother. -It's got nothing to do with my mother! She's had leukemia for -- ! This is what makes me boil about him! HE wants me back! -- it's got nothing to do with my mother. I don't know, Dickie, I'm just telling you what I -- -I don't know, Dickie, I'm just telling you what I -- Go back! Go back to New York or call him if you can find a telephone that works, and tell him wild horses wouldn't drag me back to him or his shipyard. -You like jazz! I love jazz. -I love jazz. This is the best. Marge says she likes jazz, but she things Glenn Miller is jazz. -Bird! Ask me the name of my sailboat -- I don't know. What's the name of your sailboat? -I don't know. What's the name of your sailboat? Bird! -Good afternoon! What time is it? Oh God! Do you always type your letters? That should be two Ts. -What time is it? Oh God! Do you always type your letters? That should be two Ts. I can't write and I can't spell. That's the privilege of a first-class education. You're upstairs at the back. I think Ermelinda made the bed up. -I can't write and I can't spell. That's the privilege of a first-class education. You're upstairs at the back. I think Ermelinda made the bed up. This is so good of you. -This is so good of you. Don't say it again. Now you're a Double Agent and we're going to string my Dad along, I was thinking we might buy a little car with the expense money he's sending you. What do you think, Marge... a little Cinquecento with my Dad's money? -You're a dark horse, Ripley. Engaged? Your parents met her. -Your parents met her. Oh God -- I can just imagine -- if only Dickie would settle down... doesn't every parent deserve a grandchild? Never! I swear on your ring, Marge. I am never going back. -I'm doing this wrong, aren't I? You're doing great. We'll make a sailor of you yet. You're doing really well. -Could we sail to Venice? Sure. I love Venice. -Sure. I love Venice. I have to go to Venice. -I have to go to Venice. See Venice and die, isn't that right? Or is it Rome? You do something and die, don't you? Okay, Venice is on the list. -See Venice and die, isn't that right? Or is it Rome? You do something and die, don't you? Okay, Venice is on the list. And Rome. -And Rome. Do you ski? Don't tell me -- you're a lost cause! That's the next thing to deal with. We're planning to go to Cortina at Christmas. Excellent skiing. Excellent. Marge -- Ripley can't ski. We'll have to teach him that, too. Have you ever known such low class? -You're breaking my ribs! What? -What? You're breaking my ribs! -I could fuck this icebox I love it so much. What were you actually doing in New York? I played piano in a few places. -I played piano in a few places. That's one job, you told me a lot of jobs. -That's one job, you told me a lot of jobs. A few places -- that's a few jobs. Anyway, I don't want to think about New York. -A few places -- that's a few jobs. Anyway, I don't want to think about New York. The mysterious Mr Ripley. Marge and I spend hours speculating. Cold beer. Thank you Dad. -The mysterious Mr Ripley. Marge and I spend hours speculating. Cold beer. Thank you Dad. Copy out from here... -I love the fact you brought Shakespeare with you and no clothes. Ermelinda says you wash the same shirt out every night. Is that true? No! I've got more than one shirt! -No! I've got more than one shirt! She can do that stuff for you. Anyway, just wear some of my things, wear anything you want, most of it's ancient. -She can do that stuff for you. Anyway, just wear some of my things, wear anything you want, most of it's ancient. "Now your signature. Not ""Dickie"". Your signature." -Without the glasses you're not even ugly. I don't need them because I never read. How do I look. Like Clark Kent. Now Superman. -I know. I write like a child. Pretty vile. See this: The S and the T, do you see? -- fine, vulnerable -- that's pain, that's secret pain. -Pretty vile. See this: The S and the T, do you see? -- fine, vulnerable -- that's pain, that's secret pain. It must be a deep secret, cause I don't know about it. -It must be a deep secret, cause I don't know about it. Your handwriting -- nothing more naked. See -- nothing's quite touching the line -- that's vanity. -Your handwriting -- nothing more naked. See -- nothing's quite touching the line -- that's vanity. Well we certainly know that's true. -Do you have any brothers? No, no brothers, no sisters. -No, no brothers, no sisters. Me neither. Nor does Marge. All only children -- what does that mean? -Means we never shared a bath. I'm cold. Can I get in? No! -No! I didn't mean with you in it. -I didn't mean with you in it. Okay, you get in. I'm like a prune anyway. -What does he say? He's getting impatient. He wants me to reassure him you'll be home by Thanksgiving. -He's getting impatient. He wants me to reassure him you'll be home by Thanksgiving. You've got to get a new jacket. Really. You must be sick of the same clothes. I'm sick of seeing you in them. -You've got to get a new jacket. Really. You must be sick of the same clothes. I'm sick of seeing you in them. I can't. I can't keep spending your father's money. -I can't. I can't keep spending your father's money. I love how responsible you are. My Dad should make you Chief Accountant or something. Let me buy you a jacket. There's a great place when we get to Rome, Batistoni. -Where do we find a carozza for the Forum, or can we hire any of them -- ? Relax. -Relax. It's just there's so much to do in a single day. -It's just there's so much to do in a single day. Relax. The most important question is where to eat. I hope Freddie made a reservation. -Relax. The most important question is where to eat. I hope Freddie made a reservation. Freddie? -Freddie? Freddie Miles. You know -- he's organizing the Cortina skiing trip. -Look, Tom, we've got to go to a club and meet some friends of Freddie's. The best thing is -- if you want to be a tourist -- grab a cab and we can meet up at the railway station. What club? -What club? Freddie's arranged it with some of the skiing crowd. Come if you want but I thought you wanted to see the Forum...? -Freddie's arranged it with some of the skiing crowd. Come if you want but I thought you wanted to see the Forum...? I did. And then maybe get the jacket and what have you... -Shoes too? You said I could pick out a jacket and I just... Sorry. -You said I could pick out a jacket and I just... Sorry. Get undressed in your own room, would you? -Get undressed in your own room, would you? I thought you'd missed the train. -I thought you'd missed the train. Freddie drove me back in his car. -Freddie drove me back in his car. Is Freddie here? -Is Freddie here? He's downstairs. -He's downstairs. I was just fooling around. Don't say anything. Sorry. -What's the fight about? That's her fiancee, isn't it? Are they blaming him? I don't know! Why are you asking me? How can it take an hour to find an ambulance? -She was pregnant. Did you know that? Do you know what that means in a place like this? I'm prepared to take the blame. -I'm prepared to take the blame. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? You've been so good to me. You're the brother I never had. I'm the brother you never had. -You've been so good to me. You're the brother I never had. I'm the brother you never had. She came to me for help, she needed money, and I didn't help her. I didn't help her. Now she's dead and it's my fault. -She came to me for help, she needed money, and I didn't help her. I didn't help her. Now she's dead and it's my fault. I'm not going to say anything -- to Marge, or anybody, the police -- It's a secret between us and I'll keep it. -...The thousand dollars, of course, was only due in the event that you succeeded in bringing Dickie home. Naturally, I hope the trip has afforded you some pleasure despite the failure of its main objective you need no longer consider yourself obligated to us in any way... You can't blame him. You could hardly expect this to go on forever. -You can't blame him. You could hardly expect this to go on forever. I thought you might write again. Now that we're brothers... -I thought you might write again. Now that we're brothers... I can't, how can I, in all decency? We've had a good run, haven't we? -I can't, how can I, in all decency? We've had a good run, haven't we? What about Venice? Can we stick to that plan at least? -What about Venice? Can we stick to that plan at least? I don't think so, Tom. You can't stay on here without money. It's time we all moved on. Besides I'm sick of Mongi. Especially now with everything -- I really want to move to the North. I need to check out San Remo next week, find somewhere new to keep the boat. But it would be great, though, if you came with me. Our last trip before you leave. There's a jazz festival -- we could say goodbye in style. What do you think? A last trip? -To Mongibello and the happiest days of my life. To Mongi. You're cheerful tonight. -To Mongi. You're cheerful tonight. I'm suddenly quite happy to be going back. -I'm suddenly quite happy to be going back. That's good. -That's good. I've got plans! -I've got plans! Ripley's plans. -Ripley's plans. Esatto. I'm always planning. -Esatto. I'm always planning. Did I know you at Princeton, Tom? I didn't, did I? -Did I know you at Princeton, Tom? I didn't, did I? Why are you asking all of a sudden? -Why are you asking all of a sudden? No reason. Because you're leaving, I guess. I don't think you were there, were you? -No reason. Because you're leaving, I guess. I don't think you were there, were you? Why? -Why? I mean it as a compliment. You've got such great taste, I don't know. Most of the thugs at Princeton had tasted everything and had no taste. Used to say, the cream of America: rich and thick. Freddie's the perfect example. -I mean it as a compliment. You've got such great taste, I don't know. Most of the thugs at Princeton had tasted everything and had no taste. Used to say, the cream of America: rich and thick. Freddie's the perfect example. Then I'll take it as a compliment. -Then I'll take it as a compliment. I knew it! I had a bet with Marge! -I knew it! I had a bet with Marge! Ha. -Ha. Do you even like jazz -- or was that something for my benefit? -Do you even like jazz -- or was that something for my benefit? I've gotten to like it. I've gotten to like everything about the way you live. It's one big love affair. If you knew my life back home in New York... -I'm thinking of giving up the sax, what do you think about drums? What? -What? So cool. -I wanted to tell you my plan. So tell me. -So tell me. I thought I might come back. In the New Year. Under my own steam. -I thought I might come back. In the New Year. Under my own steam. Really? To Italy? -Really? To Italy? Of course. Let's say, for argument's sake, you were here -- perhaps we could split the rent on a house -- I'll get a job -- or, better still, I could get a place in Rome and when we're there we could be there and if we're here we could be here -- -Of course. Let's say, for argument's sake, you were here -- perhaps we could split the rent on a house -- I'll get a job -- or, better still, I could get a place in Rome and when we're there we could be there and if we're here we could be here -- Oh God, I don't think so. -Oh God, I don't think so. You see, particularly with the Marge problem, you can just blame me. -You see, particularly with the Marge problem, you can just blame me. Marge and I are getting married. -Marge and I are getting married. How? -How? How? -How? Yesterday you're ogling girls on the terrace, today you're getting married. It's absurd. -Yesterday you're ogling girls on the terrace, today you're getting married. It's absurd. I love Marge. -I love Marge. You love me and you're not marrying me. -You love me and you're not marrying me. Tom, I don't love you. -Tom, I don't love you. No, no, it's not a threat, I've explained all of that. -No, no, it's not a threat, I've explained all of that. I'm actually a little relieved you're going, to be honest. I think we've seen enough of each other for a while. -What? You can be a leech -- you know this -- and it's boring. You can be quite boring. -You can be a leech -- you know this -- and it's boring. You can be quite boring. The funny thing -- I'm not pretending to be somebody else and you are. I'm absolutely honest with you. I've told you my feelings. But you, first of all I know there's something -- that evening when we played chess, for instance, it was obvious -- -The funny thing -- I'm not pretending to be somebody else and you are. I'm absolutely honest with you. I've told you my feelings. But you, first of all I know there's something -- that evening when we played chess, for instance, it was obvious -- What evening? -What evening? Sure -- I know, that's too dangerous for you, fair enough, hey! we're brothers, fine, then you do this sordid thing with Marge, fucking her on the boat while we all have to listen, which was excruciating, frankly, plus you follow your cock around like a -- and now you're getting married! I'm bewildered, forgive me... you're lying to Marge then getting married to her, you're knocking up Silvana, you've got to play sax, you've got to play drums, which is it, Dickie, what do you really play? -Frederico! Ciao bello. Don't you want to fuck every woman you see. Just once. -This is Tom Ripley. Freddie Miles. Hey, if I'm late, think what her husband's saying! -Dick -- you've got to hear this! Listen, just take one of mine when we get back. Don't worry about it. I did the Forum with Marge and, frankly, once is enough in anyone's life. -Come on, Frederico, do you really have to go back? At least stick around for the Festival of the Madonna. I don't think so. Come back with me to Rome. There's this great new club. Have some drinks, lotta ladies... -Do you think you can steer this thing? Sure. -Sure. Just point her at Capri and avoid the rocks. -Just point her at Capri and avoid the rocks. What are you doing? -What are you doing? Marge-maintenance. -Marge-maintenance. Aye, aye. -Hello? Dickie? -Dickie? Who is it? -Who is it? It's Freddie. Let me in. -Hello, Freddie, it's Tom, Tom Ripley. Oh hello, where's Dickie? How are you? -Oh hello, where's Dickie? How are you? Yes, I'm good, thank you. Dickies at dinner. He's at Otello's. Do you know it? -Yes, I'm good, thank you. Dickies at dinner. He's at Otello's. Do you know it? I don't think he's at dinner at 6.30pm. If you said he was still at lunch I'd believe you. Incredible. The guy has disappeared off the face of the earth. -I don't think he's at dinner at 6.30pm. If you said he was still at lunch I'd believe you. Incredible. The guy has disappeared off the face of the earth. I guess. -I guess. The landlady -- as far as I could tell, the landlady said he was here right now. -The landlady -- as far as I could tell, the landlady said he was here right now. He's gone to dinner! Search the place. I can't think why you would imagine Dickie would hide from you. -He's gone to dinner! Search the place. I can't think why you would imagine Dickie would hide from you. Because he's been hiding from me -- what happened at Christmas? -Because he's been hiding from me -- what happened at Christmas? What about Christmas? -What about Christmas? He was supposed to come skiing. I didn't get a cable or a call or a note or, frankly, a fart. -Of course, he's been very involved in his music, hasn't he? I think his theory is, you know, you have to go into a cocoon before you can become a butterfly. Which is horseshit. Have you heard him play that thing? He can't. -Which is horseshit. Have you heard him play that thing? He can't. How did you find him? It's such an out of the way apartment. Can I fix you a drink? -How did you find him? It's such an out of the way apartment. Can I fix you a drink? No thanks. Some kid at the American Express Office. Are you living here? -No. No, I'm staying here for a few days, in Rome. That's a new piano, so you prob -- Did this place come furnished? It doesn't look like Dickie. Horrible isn't it? -- so bourgeois. -You should watch that! In fact the only thing which looks like Dickie is you. -In fact the only thing which looks like Dickie is you. Hardly. -Hardly. Have you done something to your hair? -Freddie, do you have something to say? What? I think I'm saying it. Something's going on. He's either converted to Christianity -- or to something else. -What? I think I'm saying it. Something's going on. He's either converted to Christianity -- or to something else. I suggest you ask Dickie that yourself. Otello's is on delle Croce, just off the Corso. -I suggest you ask Dickie that yourself. Otello's is on delle Croce, just off the Corso. "Is it on ""delle Croce, just off the Corso""? You're a quick study, aren't you? Last time you didn't know your ass from your elbow, now you're giving me directions. That's not fair, you probably do know your ass from your elbow. I'll see you." -Most enjoyable. Herbert Greenleaf. Tom Ripley. Thank you, sir. -Tom Ripley. Thank you, sir. I see you were at Princeton. Then you'll most likely know our son, Dick. Dickie Greenleaf... -Could you ever conceive of going to Italy, Tom, persuade my son to come home? I'd pay you. I'd pay you 1000 dollars. I've always wanted to go to Europe, sir, but... -I've always wanted to go to Europe, sir, but... Good. Now you can go for a reason. -Mr Greenleaf. Tom. How are you? You look well. -Tom. How are you? You look well. I'm well, thank you. -I'm well, thank you. Far cry from New York. -Far cry from New York. Yes it is. -Yes it is. Marge, good morning. Unusual weather. -Yes. What's the detective hoping to find in San Remo? He's being thorough, that's all. I'm learning about my son, Tom, now he's missing. I'm learning a great deal about him. I hope you can fill in some more blanks for me. Marge has been good enough to do that, about Mongibello. -He's being thorough, that's all. I'm learning about my son, Tom, now he's missing. I'm learning a great deal about him. I hope you can fill in some more blanks for me. Marge has been good enough to do that, about Mongibello. I'll try my best, sir. Obviously I'll do anything to help Dickie. -No, Marge doesn't know the half of it. I think it might hurt her to know. -I think it might hurt her to know. And his passport photo? Did you hear? To scratch out your own face like that -- can you imagine -- the frame of mind you'd have to be in? I've thought about going to the police but I can't face it. I can't face anything anymore. -And his passport photo? Did you hear? To scratch out your own face like that -- can you imagine -- the frame of mind you'd have to be in? I've thought about going to the police but I can't face it. I can't face anything anymore. I feel guilty. I feel like I pushed him away. I spoke and he heard you. -I feel guilty. I feel like I pushed him away. I spoke and he heard you. Well, if we all pushed him away what about him pushing us away? You've been a great friend to my son. Everything is someone else's fault. We all want to sow wild oars. Somebody's got to -- what's the word? The moment someone confronts him he lashes out. He lashes out. You know, people always say you can't choose your parents, but you can't choose your children. -Tom. Hello, sir. Marge, you should have waited, didn't Peter tell you I'd come by and pick you up? -Hello, sir. Marge, you should have waited, didn't Peter tell you I'd come by and pick you up? Marge has been telling us about the rings. -Marge has been telling us about the rings. You know I feel ridiculous I didn't mention them yesterday -- I clean forgot -- ridiculous. -You know I feel ridiculous I didn't mention them yesterday -- I clean forgot -- ridiculous. Perhaps you didn't mention them because there's only one conclusion to be drawn. -I'm going to take Marge for a little walk, Tom. Mr MacCarron wants to talk with you. We could go down to the bar -- no need for you to -- -We could go down to the bar -- no need for you to -- No, he should talk to you alone. -Pretty good. Sticking with hot water. Where's Mr MacCarron? -Where's Mr MacCarron? San Remo. The police are amateurs. Well, my boy, it's come to a pretty pass, hasn't it? -This theory, the letter he left for you, the Police think that's a clear indication he was planning on doing something... to himself. I just don't believe that! -I just don't believe that! You don't want to, dear. I'd like to talk to Tom alone -- perhaps this afternoon? Would you mind? Marge, what a man may say to his sweetheart and what he'll admit to another fellow -- -You don't want to, dear. I'd like to talk to Tom alone -- perhaps this afternoon? Would you mind? Marge, what a man may say to his sweetheart and what he'll admit to another fellow -- Such as? -Such as? What a waste of lives and opportunities and -- -I don't know, I don't know, I just know it. Marge, there's female intuition, and then there are facts -- -Thanks so much for inviting me tonight. Can you bear it? We hear you're a friend of Freddie's -- he has I hate Opera tattooed on his chest. -Can you bear it? We hear you're a friend of Freddie's -- he has I hate Opera tattooed on his chest. There's room for a whole libretto on Freddie's chest. -There's room for a whole libretto on Freddie's chest. I'm sure we've met. -I was sure we'd met, weren't you, Ted? This is Herbert Greenleaf's boy. Thanks, yes, I think we did. -Thanks, yes, I think we did. One minute you people are children and the next you're getting tattooed. -Is Mr Greenleaf here? Mr Ripley? I'm Alvin MacCarron. -I could probably see my bedroom from here. I can see my house. When you see where you live from a distance it's like a dream, isn't it? I don't care for B.S. I don't care to hear it. I don't care to speak it. -I don't care for B.S. I don't care to hear it. I don't care to speak it. Okay. -Okay. Why do you think Dickie's father sent him to Europe in the first place? Did you know at Princeton Dickie Greenleaf half-killed a boy? -Mr Greenleaf appreciates your loyalty. He really does. Marge, she's got a hundred theories, but there are a few things she doesn't know. We hope she never knows. I hope she never knows. -I hope she never knows. Three different people saw Dickie get into Freddie Miles' car. A man who won't identify himself because he was jumping someone else's wife at the time saw Dickie removing license plates from a red sports car. The Police know about this man because he happens to be a Policeman. -Pleasure to meet you, Dickie's made a fine catch. I know Emily thinks so. What's going on? -You were right about the telephones. There are no lines, there's some problem. Hello Tom. You're off? What are your plans? -Hello Tom. You're off? What are your plans? Back, I suppose, slowly as I can. -I never said that! Bird. That's jazz. -Which is ridiculous. Boats are female, everyone knows you can't call a boat after a man. He's not a man, he's a god. -Dickie, you can't even drive a car! No, what we need urgently is an icebox. What do you think, Tom? Agree with me and I'll be your friend for life. I absolutely agree with Marge. -That ring's so great. The green one. Tom, I love you! See! I bought it for him, for his birthday. -Tom, I love you! See! I bought it for him, for his birthday. It's superb. -I have to find a birthday present for Frances. Perhaps you can help me? Frances? -Frances? My fiancée. -You really should go in, it's marvelous. I'm fine. -Are you okay? Sure. -The thing with Dickie -- it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious, then he forgets you and it's very very cold. So I'm learning. -So I'm learning. He's not even aware of it. When you've got his attention you feel like you're the only person in the world. That's why everybody loves him. Other times... -Tell me, why is it when men play they always play at killing each other...? I'm sorry about Cortina by the way. What about Cortina? -What about Cortina? Didn't Dick say? -- He talked to Freddie... apparently it's not going to work out -- Freddie says there aren't enough rooms. -Dickie! I'll go and see what's the matter. -I'll go and see what's the matter. I'll go. -Hello Marge. Tom, you startled me! You're back. -Tom, you startled me! You're back. How are you? Sorry. Is your book going well? -How are you? Sorry. Is your book going well? Yes -- I'm on a good streak, thanks. -Yes -- I'm on a good streak, thanks. I was just looking at you -- so quiet. -I was just looking at you -- so quiet. Where's Dickie? -Where's Dickie? I think he's planning on staying in Rome for a few days. -I think he's planning on staying in Rome for a few days. Ha. Did he say why? -Ha. Did he say why? I don't know. I don't understand Dickie, Marge, so your guess is as good as mine. -I don't know. I don't understand Dickie, Marge, so your guess is as good as mine. What does that mean? -What does that mean? Well, one day I'm invited skiing, the next day I'm not, one day we're all one family, the next day he wants to be alone. You tell me. -Well, one day I'm invited skiing, the next day I'm not, one day we're all one family, the next day he wants to be alone. You tell me. Is that what he said -- he wanted to be alone? -Is that what he said -- he wanted to be alone? He was thinking of you, Marge -- he asked me to deliver this. -Thanks. He knows I love this, although why it couldn't have waited... Errand number one -- deliver Marge's perfume. Errand number two, pack some clothes and his precious saxophone. -Errand number one -- deliver Marge's perfume. Errand number two, pack some clothes and his precious saxophone. How long's he staying for? -How long's he staying for? Search me. I guess we're abandoned. -He hates being confronted. I think you're right. -Oh my God. Tom. Marge, how are you? What are you doing in Rome? -Marge, how are you? What are you doing in Rome? Is he here? Are you with Dickie? -Is he here? Are you with Dickie? No. Hello, I'm Tom Ripley. -Is he really not here? Marge, you know Dickie has I hate Opera tattooed on his chest. -Marge, you know Dickie has I hate Opera tattooed on his chest. You were going to Venice. -Dickie was at the Opera last night. I don't believe it. Wild horses wouldn't drag Dickie to -- -I don't believe it. Wild horses wouldn't drag Dickie to -- He was there with someone. So I suppose she must have dragged him -- that's not fair. I'm going back to Mongi. I think Dickie's coming home. I'm going to go home. -He was there with someone. So I suppose she must have dragged him -- that's not fair. I'm going back to Mongi. I think Dickie's coming home. I'm going to go home. Really? That's swell. No, I was just -- you're way ahead of me! Great! -Did he kill Freddie? Marge, when did you get here? -Marge, when did you get here? Tell me the truth. Did he kill Freddie? -Tell me the truth. Did he kill Freddie? I'd swear he didn't. Of course he didn't. -I'd swear he didn't. Of course he didn't. I tried again, waiting here, watching for him. Instead it's you. Whenever I look for Dickie I find you. What happened to your face? -I tried again, waiting here, watching for him. Instead it's you. Whenever I look for Dickie I find you. What happened to your face? Dickie did it. -Dickie did it. Dickie? -Dickie? My face! There was an argument. I said some things I shouldn't have. About you. About the appalling way he's treating you, all of us. And the next thing I know he's launched himself at me. Are you getting on? -My face! There was an argument. I said some things I shouldn't have. About you. About the appalling way he's treating you, all of us. And the next thing I know he's launched himself at me. Are you getting on? What? -What? Get on. I'll take you to him. -Where does Dickie live? We passed it a few blocks back, where the police were. The Palazzo Gioia. They don't even know I'm in Rome and I'm not going to incriminate Dickie -- -We passed it a few blocks back, where the police were. The Palazzo Gioia. They don't even know I'm in Rome and I'm not going to incriminate Dickie -- Perhaps I shouldn't go either. -Perhaps I shouldn't go either. No, well go if you want to, but don't talk to the Police about my face -- they find out he hit me -- he's got a temper -- he could've hit Freddie. Good luck, Marge. I'll catch up with you later. -Hello Peter, so good to see you. Hello Marge! -Hello Marge! Tom. -I was looking forward to seeing him. Dickie hasn't killed himself. I'm sure of that. There's a private detective on the case now -- a Mr MacCarron -- Dickie's father's employing him. -Dickie hasn't killed himself. I'm sure of that. There's a private detective on the case now -- a Mr MacCarron -- Dickie's father's employing him. That's a terrific idea. -That's a terrific idea. He's American. He's already discovered Dickie cashed checks for $1000 the day before he disappeared. -Look at me what? To the manner born. -Very. And you, sir? Any better? -Did Dickie's Dad go? He's having an early night. -He's having an early night. Poor man. We were knocking on that door for ever. I think I've broken my strap. -Tom? Marge, I'm in the bath. Won't be long. -Marge, I'm in the bath. Won't be long. Tom, I need to talk to you. It's urgent. -I found Dickie's rings. What? -What? You've got Dickie's rings. -You've got Dickie's rings. I can explain. -Dickie promised me he would never take off this ring. Let me put on some clothes and then we can talk about this. -Let me put on some clothes and then we can talk about this. I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. -I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. I have to tell Mr Greenleaf. Marge, calm down, you're being hysterical. -Marge, calm down, you're being hysterical. He promised me. I swear I'll never take off this ring until the day -- -He promised me. I swear I'll never take off this ring until the day -- Shut up! Shut up! -Marge? Where are you going? I was looking for a needle and thread. I wasn't snooping. I was looking for a needle and thread to mend my bra. -I was looking for a needle and thread. I wasn't snooping. I was looking for a needle and thread to mend my bra. The scent you're wearing. I bought it for you, not Dickie. The thing about Dickie. So many things. The day he was late back from Rome -- I tried to tell you this -- he was with another girl. I'm not talking about Meredith, another girl we met in a bar. He couldn't be faithful for five minutes. So when he makes a promise it doesn't mean what it means when you make a promise. Or I do. He has so many realities, Dickie, and he believes them all. He lies. He lies, that's his... half the time he doesn't even realize. -Today, for the first time, I've even wondered whether he might have killed Freddie. He would get so crazy if anybody contradicted him -- well, you know that. Marge. I loved you -- you might as well know -- I loved you, and because he knew I loved you, he let you think I loved him. Didn't you see, couldn't you see? I don't know, maybe it's grotesque to say this now, so just write it on a piece of paper or something, and keep it in your purse for a rainy day. Tom loves me. Why do you have Dickie's rings? -I told you. He gave them to me. Why? When? -Why? When? I feel as if you haven't heard anything I've been saying to you. -I feel as if you haven't heard anything I've been saying to you. I don't believe you. -I don't believe you. It's all true. -It's all true. I don't believe a single word you've said. -But I hope that note goes to New York in your purse, for a rainy day. What are you going to do now, Tom? -What are you going to do now, Tom? I don't know. Peter has a concert in Athens next month -- and he's asked if I want to go along, help out. He says goodbye by the way -- he's in rehearsal, otherwise -- -I don't know. Peter has a concert in Athens next month -- and he's asked if I want to go along, help out. He says goodbye by the way -- he's in rehearsal, otherwise -- Why do I think there's never been a Ripley rainy day? -Why do I think there's never been a Ripley rainy day? What? -What? I know it was you -- I know it was you, Tom. I know it was you. I know you killed Dickie. I know it was you. -I know it was you -- I know it was you, Tom. I know it was you. I know you killed Dickie. I know it was you. Oh Marge. -Dickie? Do you know Dickie? You were at the Opera? Well, that explains -- yes I was there. I was there with Dickie. -You were at the Opera? Well, that explains -- yes I was there. I was there with Dickie. I told you! I knew it! -I told you! I knew it! Marge, I don't know you, so I have no right, but Dickie loves you. He's -- I think you'll find he's coming home to you. -Marge, I don't know you, so I have no right, but Dickie loves you. He's -- I think you'll find he's coming home to you. How would you know that? -How would you know that? He told me everything. I was supposed to meet him fifteen minutes ago, so I... I'm going to go now, I think. Unless he meant us to meet -- which would be a little cruel, wouldn't it? -Peter Smith-Kingsley. I've heard about you, of course -- from Marge, and Dickie. No glasses. -Look there's Meredith thingy -- who's that, Marge? -- They're in textiles... Meredith -- God, how awful, I've spent Christmas in her house...! I don't know her. He hasn't called, he's hardly written, just these cryptic notes. You don't just dump people. -No, we're meeting another friend. Tom Ripley. Do you know Tom? -We think he's had a change of heart. So we should be celebrating. I hope so. -I hope so. That was moving, wasn't it? When Meredith said -- Meredith's the American girl I saw last night, I know her, at the Opera, she's been seeing something of Dickie -- -So you found Peter... I think we sort of found each other. -Where's Dickie's father? He's not coming till the morning. Evidently his stomach -- I don't think the food here is agreeing with him. -Is this you? No, it's Tom's. Splendid, eh? -No, it's Tom's. Splendid, eh? Golly. Who's paying for this? -This is spectacular. That's why Tom wanted you to stay. It's better than squeezing into my room, and I know how you hate hotels. -That's why Tom wanted you to stay. It's better than squeezing into my room, and I know how you hate hotels. A hotel would've been fine. We'll have to tell Mr Greenleaf how far his dollar has stretched. -What's funny? No, nothing. I'm just thinking about when Tom arrived in Mongi. And now look at you. -What's your secret? Excuse me? -Excuse me? No, it's just -- you are American, aren't you? -- no, I just, I have so much luggage, and you're so, uh, streamlined. It's humiliating. -I'm Meredith, by the way. Meredith Randall. Dickie, Dickie Greenleaf. Hello. -Dickie, Dickie Greenleaf. Hello. Hello. -You're not the Shipping Greenleaf's? Trying not to be. Trying to jump ship. -Trying not to be. Trying to jump ship. So now, did they put your suitcase in the wrong pile? It's just -- upstairs -- weren't you under the R stand? I thought I saw you there. -So now, did they put your suitcase in the wrong pile? It's just -- upstairs -- weren't you under the R stand? I thought I saw you there. My father wants me in New York. He builds boats. I'd rather sail them. I travel under my mother's name. -My father wants me in New York. He builds boats. I'd rather sail them. I travel under my mother's name. Which is? -Which is? Emily. Just kidding. -Emily. Just kidding. The funny thing is, I'm not Randall either. I'm Logue. -The funny thing is, I'm not Randall either. I'm Logue. As in the...? -As in the...? As in the Textile Logues. Trying to shrug off the dress. I travel under my mother's name, too. -As in the Textile Logues. Trying to shrug off the dress. I travel under my mother's name, too. Randall. -Randall. Right. -But you're going skiing with us Yankees, aren't you? What? -What? At Christmas. To Cortina with Freddie Miles and -- -At Christmas. To Cortina with Freddie Miles and -- How did you know that? -How did you know that? Everybody knows Freddie Miles. -Everybody knows Freddie Miles. Is Freddie in Rome? -Is Freddie in Rome? Now? I don't think so. But I've met him, of course, and we've chatted and I know about you and Marge and Mongi and what an unreliable rat you are. Freddie said you were a rat and I thought to myself now I know why he travels under R. -Now? I don't think so. But I've met him, of course, and we've chatted and I know about you and Marge and Mongi and what an unreliable rat you are. Freddie said you were a rat and I thought to myself now I know why he travels under R. I've left Marge, Meredith. And Mongi. So the rat's here now, in Rome. -I've left Marge, Meredith. And Mongi. So the rat's here now, in Rome. Sorry, I wouldn't have made a joke if -- -Sorry, I wouldn't have made a joke if -- Don't be sorry. I've never been happier. I feel like I've been handed a new life. -The truth is if you've had money your entire life, even if you despise it, which we do -- agreed? -- you're only truly comfortable around other people who have it and despise it. I know. -I know. I've never admitted that to anyone. -Show me the other one again. I like them both. I'll take them both. -Let's go. I thought you were enjoying yourself? -I thought you were enjoying yourself? Let's take a Carozza and look at the moon. -Let's take a Carozza and look at the moon. You're crazy! It's freezing out there. -C'mon, I need to talk to you. Just the two of us. Okay then, you're crazy. -Don't worry. Really. Don't worry. You're such a pal to understand. It's as if Marge is here now -- I look at you and I see her face -- and I can't, whatever I'm feeling towards you -- I just can't... -You're such a pal to understand. It's as if Marge is here now -- I look at you and I see her face -- and I can't, whatever I'm feeling towards you -- I just can't... No, I absolutely understand. Of course. -No, I absolutely understand. Of course. Otherwise you'd be fighting me off. -Otherwise you'd be fighting me off. Beating you away. -Will you meet me tomorrow? Just to say goodbye in the daylight, properly? So it's not just this, it's too... you should always save pain for daylight... Oh Meredith, I'm sorry. Of course I'll meet you. Let's have coffee in the morning at Dinelli's. -Oh Meredith, I'm sorry. Of course I'll meet you. Let's have coffee in the morning at Dinelli's. I don't -- is that by the Spanish Steps? -I don't -- is that by the Spanish Steps? Exactly. 10.30 -- -Dickie, my God! Hello Meredith. -Hello Meredith. I was looking at you, your clothes, I wouldn't have known you... -I was looking at you, your clothes, I wouldn't have known you... Well, you've spotted me and so you get the reward. -Well, you've spotted me and so you get the reward. What? -What? Just kidding. Are you alone? -Just kidding. Are you alone? Hardly. I couldn't be less alone. -Of course. Aunt Joan. And co. A lot of co. Oh, God, I've thought about you so much. -And co. A lot of co. Oh, God, I've thought about you so much. I've thought about you. -When I thought about you I was mostly hating you. Where've you been hiding? I haven't been hiding. I've been in Police custody. They've been trying to flush out Freddie's killer. -I haven't been hiding. I've been in Police custody. They've been trying to flush out Freddie's killer. You're kidding. -You're kidding. They're letting me have this vacation. Which is why the get-up. Which is why you haven't heard from me. -They're letting me have this vacation. Which is why the get-up. Which is why you haven't heard from me. You know, the whole world thinks you killed Freddie? It's terrible. -You know, the whole world thinks you killed Freddie? It's terrible. I know. Look, I can't talk now. Later. Later? -So -- are you travelling under R? You know what -- I am. -You know what -- I am. Dickie, are you with Peter Smith- Kingsley? I bet you are. My aunt thought she saw him. -Dickie, are you with Peter Smith- Kingsley? I bet you are. My aunt thought she saw him. Peter Smith-Kingsley? I haven't seen him in months. No, I'm alone. -Ho assunto io la guida delle indagini in seguito alla negativa valutazione delle disdicevoli circostanze verificatesi con il mio predecessore Roverini che come e noto non e riuscito a impedire il verificarsi della scomparsa del signor Greenleaf, il quale era l'unica persona al momento passibile di incriminazione del reato di omicidio del signor Miles. He's taken over the case because... they're annoyed the previous chap let Dickie... disappear when he was the only, he was the only suspect in Freddie's murder. -He's taken over the case because... they're annoyed the previous chap let Dickie... disappear when he was the only, he was the only suspect in Freddie's murder. Quando e stata l'ultima volta che il signor Ripley ha visto il signor Greenleaf? -Dove e stato il signor Ripley da allora? Where have you been since then? -All'aperto? Col freddo che ha fatto? He thinks it's very cold to be sleeping outside. -He thinks it's very cold to be sleeping outside. Il signor Ripley ha sviluppate tendenze omosessuali? -Il signor Ripley ha sviluppate tendenze omosessuali? Are you a homosexual? Interesting non-sequitur. -Non e questo il luogo per le vostre conversazioni private! A ragione. A ragione. -A ragione. A ragione. Hmm. C'e questa... -Questa lettera e stata trovata nell'abitazione del signor Richard Greenleaf a Roma. They found this in Dickie's place in Rome. -Ditto. Where are you hiding him? He's impossible, isn't he? -Yes, what happened? I heard you were desperate to come. I was looking forward to rowing you around. I am. I really am. And I've been travelling. I just can't seem to get that far north. -I am. I really am. And I've been travelling. I just can't seem to get that far north. Well hurry, before we sink. Should I give you my telephone number in Venice? -Well hurry, before we sink. Should I give you my telephone number in Venice? Thanks. -Will we see you later? I can't later. -I can't later. And tomorrow? -And tomorrow? Tomorrow's possible. Do you know Dinelli's? Piazza di Spagna? -Tomorrow's possible. Do you know Dinelli's? Piazza di Spagna? I know the Piazza di Spagna. What time? -I know the Piazza di Spagna. What time? Ten thirty? -Ten thirty? We'll be there. -We'll be there. Okay. Marge, see you tomorrow. It's really good to meet you. -Sorry, sorry. Had to renew my papers. Italian bureaucracy -- never one stamp when they can make you line up for three. Have you been waiting long? Not at all. Morning Tom. -Not at all. Morning Tom. Hi. Sorry. You okay? You look as if you've seen a ghost... -My God. But the point is Dickie -- well we know this -- Dickie loves Marge and he misses her and apparently he's come to his senses... -But the point is Dickie -- well we know this -- Dickie loves Marge and he misses her and apparently he's come to his senses... It's fantastic. I feel guilty. Marge doesn't understand this, but anytime Dickie does something I feel guilty. -Peter, I'm really sorry to put you through this. I just couldn't face going to the police by myself when my Italian's so rotten. Don't be daft. It's fine. I'm delighted you finally made it to Venice. I'm delighted, contrary to rumour, you're still in one piece? -Don't be daft. It's fine. I'm delighted you finally made it to Venice. I'm delighted, contrary to rumour, you're still in one piece? What rumour? -What rumour? That Dickie murdered you and is travelling under your passport. I know, ridiculous. -Welcome to Venice. This place reeks, doesn't it? Can you smell it? Ugh. Sorry. Not the best way to spend your first day. It's okay. -It's okay. Anyway I've got to the bottom of the delay. Finally. We're waiting for someone from Rome. -Anyway I've got to the bottom of the delay. Finally. We're waiting for someone from Rome. What do you mean? They're sending someone from Rome? -What do you mean? They're sending someone from Rome? That's good, isn't it? -That's good, isn't it? No, but I thought that didn't happen in Italy, that each region was completely separate! I was sure that was the -- -No, but I thought that didn't happen in Italy, that each region was completely separate! I was sure that was the -- You've seen the papers, you know what a big deal it's been here. American tourist murdered -- -You've seen the papers, you know what a big deal it's been here. American tourist murdered -- It's ridiculous but now you've mentioned the stench I can hardly breathe. -In Rome, about three weeks ago. I knew that one. A Roma, circa tre settimane fa. -I've been backpacking. I don't know how to translate that. E difficile... il signor Ripley... dormiva all'aperto, con un... -No. No. By the way, officially there are no Italian homosexuals. Makes Leonardo, Michelangelo very inconvenient. -No. By the way, officially there are no Italian homosexuals. Makes Leonardo, Michelangelo very inconvenient. Tell him I have a fiancée, Dickie has a fiancée and Freddie Miles probably had a string of them. -Tell him I have a fiancée, Dickie has a fiancée and Freddie Miles probably had a string of them. Il signor Ripley ha una fidanzata, il signor Dickie ha una fidanzata e probabilmente il signor Freddie Miles ha molte fidanzate. -What did he say? He says so many fiancées. -He wants to know if you killed Freddie Miles and then killed Dickie Greenleaf? No I did not. I did not kill Freddie Miles and then kill Dickie Greenleaf. Is he accusing me? Ask him if he's accusing me! -No I did not. I did not kill Freddie Miles and then kill Dickie Greenleaf. Is he accusing me? Ask him if he's accusing me! He's already angry, I don't think -- -He's already angry, I don't think -- Just because he doesn't like Americans! -Can you imagine, if Dickie did kill Freddie, what must that be like? To wake up every morning, how can you? Just wake up and be a person, drink a coffee...? Whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful -- it all makes sense, doesn't it? Inside your head. You never meet anybody who thinks they're a bad person or that they're cruel. -Whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful -- it all makes sense, doesn't it? Inside your head. You never meet anybody who thinks they're a bad person or that they're cruel. But you're still tormented, you must be, you've killed somebody... -But you're still tormented, you must be, you've killed somebody... Don't you put the past in a room, in the cellar, and lock the door and just never go in there? Because that's what I do. -Don't you put the past in a room, in the cellar, and lock the door and just never go in there? Because that's what I do. Probably. In my case it's probably a whole building. -Probably. In my case it's probably a whole building. Then you meet someone special and all you want to do is toss them the key, say open up, step inside, but you can't because it's dark and there are demons and if anybody saw how ugly it was... -I keep wanting to do that -- fling open the door -- let the light in, clean everything out. If I could get a huge eraser and rub everything out... starting with myself... the thing is, Peter, if... No key, huh? -I'm sorry. I was asleep. I must have fallen asleep. You look ghastly, Tom. Are you okay? -Not guilty. I'll fix some drinks. -Are you okay? I'm fine. -I'm fine. Do you want me to stick around? -Do you want me to stick around? It's okay. -It's okay. Or I could come back. -Tom, are you okay? You try. You try talking to her. -You try. You try talking to her. Tom. Tom! Tell me, what's going on? -Tom. Tom! Tell me, what's going on? I give up. -Ask me what I want to change about this moment. What do you want to change about this moment? -What do you want to change about this moment? Nothing. -Hello. What are you up to? All kinds of things. Making plans. -All kinds of things. Making plans. Plans -- good, plans for tonight or plans for the future? -Plans -- good, plans for tonight or plans for the future? I don't know. Both. My plan right now is to go up on deck, look at the sunset. Come with me. -I don't know. Both. My plan right now is to go up on deck, look at the sunset. Come with me. You go. I don't want to get dressed yet. Come back though. Come back. You know, you look so relaxed, like a completely different person. -You go. I don't want to get dressed yet. Come back though. Come back. You know, you look so relaxed, like a completely different person. Well, that's entirely your fault. And, if I fall overboard, that'll be your fault too. -How was it? Good. But I think we should stay in here for the rest of the trip. -Good. But I think we should stay in here for the rest of the trip. Was that Meredith? -Was that Meredith? Was who Meredith? -Was who Meredith? Meredith Logue. You were kissing somebody. Looked like Meredith. -Meredith Logue. You were kissing somebody. Looked like Meredith. Hardly kissing. Kissing off. -Hardly kissing. Kissing off. Didn't look that way -- you know -- from a distance. -Didn't look that way -- you know -- from a distance. I lied. To her. She thought she'd seen you. -I lied. To her. She thought she'd seen you. Why lie? -Why lie? Dickie and Peter, that's just too good gossip, isn't it? -Dickie and Peter, that's just too good gossip, isn't it? Or Tom and Peter even. -Or Tom and Peter even. Well that would be even better gossip. -Well that would be even better gossip. Really, why? Sorry, I'm completely lost. -Really, why? Sorry, I'm completely lost. I know. I'm lost, too. I'm going to be stuck in the basement, aren't I, that's my, that's my -- terrible and alone and dark -- and I've lied about who I am, and where I am, and so nobody can ever find me. -I know. I'm lost, too. I'm going to be stuck in the basement, aren't I, that's my, that's my -- terrible and alone and dark -- and I've lied about who I am, and where I am, and so nobody can ever find me. What do you mean lied about who you are? -What do you mean lied about who you are? I suppose I always thought -- better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody. -I suppose I always thought -- better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody. What are you talking about -- you're not a nobody! That's the last thing you are. -What are you talking about -- you're not a nobody! That's the last thing you are. Peter, I... I... -Peter, I... I... And don't forget. I have the key. -And don't forget. I have the key. You have the key. Tell me some good things about Tom Ripley. Don't get up. Just tell me some nice things. -Good things about Tom Ripley? Could take some time!... Tom is talented. Tom is tender... Tom is beautiful... You're such a liar... -You're such a liar... ...Tom is a mystery... -Dickie Greenleaf? Yes? -Yes? Inspector Roverini. Can we come in? -It's a terrible shock, eh? What time did Signor Miles leave yesterday? I can't be absolutely sure -- 8? 9? We'd both taken on far too many drinks -- but it was dark, it was certainly dark when I walked him down to his car. -I can't be absolutely sure -- 8? 9? We'd both taken on far too many drinks -- but it was dark, it was certainly dark when I walked him down to his car. So Signor Miles drove away and you did what? -So Signor Miles drove away and you did what? I went to bed. Freddie's a big man, but I'm in trouble after a couple of drinks. I've suffered all day. Who found him? -Senta. We have to ask you to stay in Rome. Yes, if it's going to help, certainly. -Yes, if it's going to help, certainly. So, the Doctor, he has to make the -- -- come se dice? -So, the Doctor, he has to make the -- -- come se dice? Postmortem? -Postmortem? Yes, exactly, but his first, his first conclusion was that Signor Miles was killed not later than seven o'clock yesterday evening. -Yes, exactly, but his first, his first conclusion was that Signor Miles was killed not later than seven o'clock yesterday evening. Well, he certainly wasn't dead when he drove off in his car. -Well, he certainly wasn't dead when he drove off in his car. No. -Can we go up? Do you mind? Of course. What happened to your face? -Of course. What happened to your face? My scooter. I fell off. Getting chased by photographers. -The telephone, the press, I've been, I'm feeling hounded -- do you think you could not give out my address? Never. We've had many requests and, of course, we say no -- even to your fiancée. -Never. We've had many requests and, of course, we say no -- even to your fiancée. I really don't want to see anybody. -I really don't want to see anybody. Even your fiancée...? -Even your fiancée...? Even her. -Even her. What about Thomas Ripley? -What about Thomas Ripley? What about Ripley? -Yes, sure, we did go to San Remo. That was months ago. November, I thought. -November, I thought. Was it? Did you speak to Tom? -Was it? Did you speak to Tom? November 7th is my information. -November 7th is my information. I don't remember the exact date. -I don't remember the exact date. And when did you last see Signor Ripley? -And when did you last see Signor Ripley? A few days ago. -A few days ago. Does he stay with you here? -Does he stay with you here? No! -No! No. Here is a pattern. Two days ago Freddie Miles is dead -- he leaves your apartment and is murdered. Yesterday a little boat is found in San Remo full of rocks, and the owner tells the Police it was stolen on November 7th. We look at hotel records and we see oh! Dickie Greenleaf is staying in San Remo and then our boatman remembers two Americans taking a boat. -No. Here is a pattern. Two days ago Freddie Miles is dead -- he leaves your apartment and is murdered. Yesterday a little boat is found in San Remo full of rocks, and the owner tells the Police it was stolen on November 7th. We look at hotel records and we see oh! Dickie Greenleaf is staying in San Remo and then our boatman remembers two Americans taking a boat. It's not a pattern, it's a coincidence. There must be fifty hotels in San Remo, there must have been a hundred people renting a boat on that day. -It's not a pattern, it's a coincidence. There must be fifty hotels in San Remo, there must have been a hundred people renting a boat on that day. 31 people. -31 people. 31 people. -That is Miss Sherwood now. Marge Sherwood. Let her in, what's the difference? Let her in. No, actually, no, I'd like it very much if you would ask her to come back later. -Thank you. May I ask... why would you speak to your friend and not your fiancée? -May I ask... why would you speak to your friend and not your fiancée? I think I just said. Ripley was handling some business for me, nor does Mr Ripley want to marry me. Nor did he ask me every day if I would marry him. And when. -I think I just said. Ripley was handling some business for me, nor does Mr Ripley want to marry me. Nor did he ask me every day if I would marry him. And when. Do you have a photograph of Signor Ripley? -Do you have a photograph of Signor Ripley? I'm not in the habit of carrying around photographs of my male friends. -I'm not in the habit of carrying around photographs of my male friends. Now I think I have upset you. My English perhaps is coarse. -Now I think I have upset you. My English perhaps is coarse. It is a little coarse, yes. -It is a little coarse, yes. Sorry. No one has seen Signor Ripley since San -- -Sorry. No one has seen Signor Ripley since San -- I have! -I have! You have, yes. -You have, yes. No, I have and so has Miss Sherwood, ask her! And if I could remember which hotel he was staying at -- the Goldoni! -- Tom was staying at the Goldoni. -No, I have and so has Miss Sherwood, ask her! And if I could remember which hotel he was staying at -- the Goldoni! -- Tom was staying at the Goldoni. Good. The Goldoni. Yes -- you're right. A coincidence. I look forward to our next meeting when I will be more careful with my English and persuade you to play me your saxophone. Alto. -Good. The Goldoni. Yes -- you're right. A coincidence. I look forward to our next meeting when I will be more careful with my English and persuade you to play me your saxophone. Alto. Absolutely. -Absolutely. I have a witness who thinks they saw two men getting into Mr Miles' car. She wants to identify you in a -- confronto -- line-up. Tomorrow then? -I have a witness who thinks they saw two men getting into Mr Miles' car. She wants to identify you in a -- confronto -- line-up. Tomorrow then? Tomorrow. -You got a .44 Magnum? That's an expensive gun. -That's an expensive gun. I got money. -Some of these guns are like toys, but a Smith and Wesson, man, you can hit somebody over the head with it and it will still come back dead on. Nothing beats quality. You interested in an automatic? I want a .32. Revolver. And a palm gun. That .22 there. -I want a .32. Revolver. And a palm gun. That .22 there. That's the Colt .25 -- a fine little gun. Don't do a lot of damage, but it's as fast as the Devil. Handy little gun, you can carry it almost anywhere. I'll throw it in for another $125. -How much for everything. The .32's $150 -- and you're really getting a good deal now -- and all together it comes to, ah, seven eighty- five for four pieces and a holster. Hell, I'll give you the holster, we'll make it seventy-five and you've got a deal -- a good one. -The .32's $150 -- and you're really getting a good deal now -- and all together it comes to, ah, seven eighty- five for four pieces and a holster. Hell, I'll give you the holster, we'll make it seventy-five and you've got a deal -- a good one. How much to get a permit to carry? -How much to get a permit to carry? Well, you're talking big money now. I'd say at least five grand, maybe more, and it would take a while to check it out. The way things are going now $5.000 is probably low. You see, I try not to fool with the small-time crap. Too risky, too little bread. Say 6 G's, but if I get the permit it'll be as solid as the Empire State Building. -Well, you're talking big money now. I'd say at least five grand, maybe more, and it would take a while to check it out. The way things are going now $5.000 is probably low. You see, I try not to fool with the small-time crap. Too risky, too little bread. Say 6 G's, but if I get the permit it'll be as solid as the Empire State Building. Nah, this'll be fine. -Nah, this'll be fine. You can't carry in a cab even with a permit -- so why bother? -You can't carry in a cab even with a permit -- so why bother? Is there a firing range around? -Is there a firing range around? Sure, here, take this card, go to this place and give 'em the card. They'll charge you, but there won't be any hassle. -You in Nam? Can't help but notice your jacket? Huh? -Huh? Vietnam? I saw it on your jacket. Where were you? Bet you got to handle a lot of weapons out there. -Yeah. I was all around. One hospital, then the next. It's hell out there all right. A real shit-eatin' war. I'll say this, though: It's bringing a lot of fantastic guns. The market's flooded. Colt automatics are all over. -It's hell out there all right. A real shit-eatin' war. I'll say this, though: It's bringing a lot of fantastic guns. The market's flooded. Colt automatics are all over. They'd never get me to go back. They'd have to shoot me first. You got anything to carry these in? -You like ball games? Huh? -Huh? I can get you front and center. What do you like? I can get you Mets, Knicks, Rangers? Hell, I can get you the Mayor's box. -I can get you front and center. What do you like? I can get you Mets, Knicks, Rangers? Hell, I can get you the Mayor's box. Nah. I ain't interested. -Is that so? But what do you think of Charles Palantine? Who mam? -Who mam? Charles Palantine. The man you want to volunteer to help elect president. -Charles Palantine. The man you want to volunteer to help elect president. Oh, I think he's a wonderful man. Make a great, great President. -Oh, I think he's a wonderful man. Make a great, great President. You want to canvass? -You want to canvass? Yes, mam. -Well, that's not exactly what the Senator has proposed. You might not want to canvass, but there is plenty more other work we need done: Office work, filing, poster hanging. I'm a good worker, Betsy mam, a real good worker. -I'm a good worker, Betsy mam, a real good worker. If you talk to Tom, he'll assign you to something. -If you talk to Tom, he'll assign you to something. If you don't mind, mam, I'd rather work for you. -If you don't mind, mam, I'd rather work for you. Well, we're all working tonight. -Well, we're all working tonight. Well, Betsy mam, I drive a taxi at night. -Well, Betsy mam, I drive a taxi at night. Well, then, what is it you exactly want to do? -Well, then, what is it you exactly want to do? If you don't mind, mam, I'd be mighty pleased if you'd go out and have some coffee and pie with me. -Why? Well, Betsy mam, I drive by this place here in my taxi many times a day. And I watch you sitting here at this big long desk with these telephones, and I say to myself, that's a lonely girl. She needs a friend. And I'm gonna be her friend. -I don't know... It's just to the corner, mam. In broad daytime. Nothing can happen. I'll be there to protect you. -It's just to the corner, mam. In broad daytime. Nothing can happen. I'll be there to protect you. All right. All right. I'm taking a break at four o'clock. If you're here then we'll go to the corner and have some coffee and pie. -All right. All right. I'm taking a break at four o'clock. If you're here then we'll go to the corner and have some coffee and pie. Oh, I appreciate that, Betsy mam. I'll be here at four o'clock exactly. And... ah... Betsy... -Oh, I appreciate that, Betsy mam. I'll be here at four o'clock exactly. And... ah... Betsy... Yes? -Yes? My name is Travis. -My name is Travis. Thank you, Travis. -We've signed up 15,000 Palantine volunteers in New York so far. The organizational problems are becoming just staggering. "I know what you mean. I've got the same problems. I just can't get things organized. Little things, I mean. Like my room, my possessions. I should get one of those signs that says, ""One of these days I'm gonna get organezizied""" -Travis, I never ever met anybody like you before. I can believe that. -I can believe that. Where do you live? -Where do you live? Oh, uptown. You know. Some joint. It ain't much. -Oh, uptown. You know. Some joint. It ain't much. So why did you decide to drive a taxi at night? -So why did you decide to drive a taxi at night? I had a regular job for a while, days. You know, doin' this, doin' that. But I didn't have anything to do at night. I got kinda lonely, you know, just wandering around. So I decided to works nights. It ain't good to be alone, you know. -I had a regular job for a while, days. You know, doin' this, doin' that. But I didn't have anything to do at night. I got kinda lonely, you know, just wandering around. So I decided to works nights. It ain't good to be alone, you know. After this job, I'm looking forward to being alone for a while. -After this job, I'm looking forward to being alone for a while. Yeah, well... In a cab you get to meet people. You meet lotsa people. It's good for you. -Yeah, well... In a cab you get to meet people. You meet lotsa people. It's good for you. What kind of people? -What kind of people? Just people people, you know. Just people. Had a dead man once. -Just people people, you know. Just people. Had a dead man once. Really? -Really? "He'd been shot. I didn't know that. He just crawled into the back seat, said ""West 45th Street"" and conked out." -"He'd been shot. I didn't know that. He just crawled into the back seat, said ""West 45th Street"" and conked out." What did you do? -What did you do? I shut the meter off, for one thing. I knew I wasn't going to get paid. Then I dropped him off at the cop shop. They took him. -I shut the meter off, for one thing. I knew I wasn't going to get paid. Then I dropped him off at the cop shop. They took him. That's really something. -That's really something. Oh, you see lots of freaky stuff in a cab. Especially when the moon's out. -Oh, you see lots of freaky stuff in a cab. Especially when the moon's out. The moon? -The moon? The full moon. One night I had three or four weirdos in a row and I looked up and, sure enough, there it was -- the full moon. -Com'on, Travis. It's not that bad. I take lots of taxis. I know. I could have picked you up. -I know. I could have picked you up. Huh? -Huh? Late one night. About three. At the plaza. -Late one night. About three. At the plaza. Three in the morning? I don't think so. I have to go to bed early. I work days. It must have been somebody else. -Three in the morning? I don't think so. I have to go to bed early. I work days. It must have been somebody else. No. It was you. You had some manila folders and a pink bag from Saks. -You're right! Now I remember! It was after the Western regional planners were in town and the meeting went late. The next day I was completely bushed. It was unbelievable. If it wasn't for a drunk I would have picked you up. He wanted to go to the DMZ. -If it wasn't for a drunk I would have picked you up. He wanted to go to the DMZ. The DMZ? -The DMZ? South Bronx. The worst. I tried to ditch him, but he was already in the cab, so I had to take him. That's the law. Otherwise I would have picked you up. -South Bronx. The worst. I tried to ditch him, but he was already in the cab, so I had to take him. That's the law. Otherwise I would have picked you up. That would have been quite a coincidence. -That would have been quite a coincidence. You'd be surprised how often you see the same people, get the same fare. People have patterns. They do more or less the same things every day. I can tell. -You'd be surprised how often you see the same people, get the same fare. People have patterns. They do more or less the same things every day. I can tell. Well, I don't go to the Plaza every night. -Well, I don't go to the Plaza every night. I didn't mean you. But just ordinary people. A guy I know -- Dough-Boy -- met his wife that way. They got to talking. She said she usually caught the bus so he started picking her up at the bus stop, taking her home with the flag up. -I didn't mean you. But just ordinary people. A guy I know -- Dough-Boy -- met his wife that way. They got to talking. She said she usually caught the bus so he started picking her up at the bus stop, taking her home with the flag up. That's very romantic. Some of your fares must be interesting. See any stars, politicians, deliver any babies yet? -That's very romantic. Some of your fares must be interesting. See any stars, politicians, deliver any babies yet? Well, no... not really... had some famous people in the cab. I got this guy who makes lasers. Not regular lasers, not the big kind. Little lasers, pocket sized, small enough to clip your belt like a transistor radio, like a gun, you know. Like a ray gun. Zap. -Well, no... not really... had some famous people in the cab. I got this guy who makes lasers. Not regular lasers, not the big kind. Little lasers, pocket sized, small enough to clip your belt like a transistor radio, like a gun, you know. Like a ray gun. Zap. What hours do you work? -What hours do you work? I work a single, which means there's no replacement -- no second man on the cab. Six to six, sometimes eight. Seventy-two hours a week. -I work a single, which means there's no replacement -- no second man on the cab. Six to six, sometimes eight. Seventy-two hours a week. You mean you work seventy-two hours a week. -You mean you work seventy-two hours a week. Sometimes 76 or 80. Sometimes I squeeze a few more hours in the morning. Eighty miles a day, a hundred miles a night. -Sometimes 76 or 80. Sometimes I squeeze a few more hours in the morning. Eighty miles a day, a hundred miles a night. You must be rich. -You must be rich. It keeps ya busy. -It keeps ya busy. You know what you remind me of? -You know what you remind me of? What? -What? "That song by Kris Kristofferson, where it's said ""Like a pusher, party truth, partly fiction, a walking contradiction""." -"That song by Kris Kristofferson, where it's said ""Like a pusher, party truth, partly fiction, a walking contradiction""." I'm no pusher, Betsy. Honest. I never have pushed. -I'm no pusher, Betsy. Honest. I never have pushed. I didn't mean that, Travis. Just the part about the contradiction. -I didn't mean that, Travis. Just the part about the contradiction. Oh. Who was that again? -Oh. Who was that again? The singer? -The singer? Yeah. Yes. I don't follow music too much. -Yeah. Yes. I don't follow music too much. Kris Kristofferson. -You didn't have to spend your money -- ? He'll, what else can I do with it all? -Travis, you haven't even played the record? Yeah, well my stereo player is broke. But I'm sure the record is OK. -Yeah, well my stereo player is broke. But I'm sure the record is OK. Your stereo broke? God, I could hardly stand that. I live on music. -Your stereo broke? God, I could hardly stand that. I live on music. I don't follow music much. I'd like to though. Honest. -I don't follow music much. I'd like to though. Honest. So you haven't heard this record yet? -So you haven't heard this record yet? No. I thought maybe you could play it for me on your player. -What are you doing? I bought a couple of tickets. -I bought a couple of tickets. But this is a porno movie. -But this is a porno movie. No, these are the kind that couples go to. They're not like the other movies. All kinds of couples go. Honest. I've seen them. -Damn. What's wrong? -What's wrong? I forgot to get the Coca-Cola. -Where are you going? I'm leaving. -I'm leaving. What do you mean? -These are not the kind of movies I go to. Well, I don't follow movies too much... -Well, I don't follow movies too much... You mean these are the only kind of movies you go to? -This is sort of high class... I mean porno movies. -I mean porno movies. Well... mostly... -Well... mostly... My God! -My God! We can go to another movie if you like, I don't care. I got money. There's plenty... -...there's plenty of movies around here. I haven't seen any of them, but I'm sure they're good. No, Travis. You're a sweet guy and all that, but I think this is it. I'm going home. -No, Travis. You're a sweet guy and all that, but I think this is it. I'm going home. You mean you don't want to go to a movie? There's plenty of movies around here. -You mean you don't want to go to a movie? There's plenty of movies around here. No, I don't feel so good. We're just two very different kinds of people, that's all. -No, I don't feel so good. We're just two very different kinds of people, that's all. Huh? -Huh? It's very simple. You go your way, I'll go mine. Thanks anyway, Travis. -It's very simple. You go your way, I'll go mine. Thanks anyway, Travis. But... Betsy... -But... Betsy... I'm getting a taxi. -What about the record? Keep it. -Keep it. Can I call you? -Hello, Travis. Hello, Betsy. -I see where Palantine got the nomination. Yes. It won't be long now. Seventeen days. -Yes. It won't be long now. Seventeen days. Well, I hope he wins. -How are you, Travis? I read about you in the papers. Oh, I got over that. It was nothing, really. The papers always blow these things up. A little stiffness. That'll go away. I just sleep more, that's all. -No, no, please. This fare's on me. Please. Thank you, Travis. -Travis? Yeah. -Yeah. Maybe I'll see you again sometime, huh? -Maybe I'll see you again sometime, huh? Sure. -Tom, come here a moment. I think this canvas report is about ready to go out. Check it out with Andy, and if he okays if, have a copy made for the campaign headquarters in every county. And don't forget to add the new photo releases. The senator's white paper is almost ready, Bets. Should we wait for that? -The senator's white paper is almost ready, Bets. Should we wait for that? Andy usually just sends those to the national media. The local press doesn't know what to do with a position paper until UPI and AP tell them anyway. -Andy usually just sends those to the national media. The local press doesn't know what to do with a position paper until UPI and AP tell them anyway. I think we should try to get maximum coverage for this new mandatory welfare program. Push the issues. -I think we should try to get maximum coverage for this new mandatory welfare program. Push the issues. First push the man, then the issue. Senator Palantine is first of all a dynamic man, an intelligent, interesting, fascinating man. -First push the man, then the issue. Senator Palantine is first of all a dynamic man, an intelligent, interesting, fascinating man. "You forgot ""sexy""." -"You forgot ""sexy""." "No, I didn't forget ""sexy""." -"No, I didn't forget ""sexy""." Just didn't get around to it, huh? -Just didn't get around to it, huh? Oh, Tom, please. -Oh, Tom, please. Well, for Christsakes, you sound like you're selling... I don't know what... cars... not issues. -Well, for Christsakes, you sound like you're selling... I don't know what... cars... not issues. Have you ever wondered why CBS News has the highest ratings? -Have you ever wondered why CBS News has the highest ratings? More people watch it. -More people watch it. Alright, forget it if you're not going to be serious, -Alright, forget it if you're not going to be serious, No, c'mon, I'm listening. I was just... -No, c'mon, I'm listening. I was just... Just what? -Just what? Kidding around... you know, fun. -Maybe if you'd try thinking once in a while, you'd get somewhere. With who? -With who? Alright, now. You want to know why CBS has the highest ratings? You think their news is any different from NBC, ABC? It's all the same news. Same stories. Same order usually. What, you thought they had good news for people, right? You thought that's why people watched CBS? I'll tell you why people watch CBS. Cronkite. The man. You got it? Not the news, not the issues, the man. If Walter Cronkite told people to eat soap, they'd do it. We are selling cars, goddamn it. -Well, if Cronkite's so great, why don't we run him instead? That's the last. The finish. Period. Some people can learn. Some people can't. And you wonder why we never get serious -- -That's the last. The finish. Period. Some people can learn. Some people can't. And you wonder why we never get serious -- Sure we could run him. You realize he's already head of his block association. -Sure we could run him. You realize he's already head of his block association. Have you been noticing anything strange? -Have you been noticing anything strange? No, why? -No, why? Why's that taxi driver across the street been staring at us? -Why's that taxi driver across the street been staring at us? What taxi driver? -What taxi driver? That taxi driver. The one that's been sitting here. -That taxi driver. The one that's been sitting here. How long has he been there? -How long has he been there? I don't know -- but it feels like a long time. -Try holding the match like this. This is gotta be a game, right? -This is gotta be a game, right? This I gotta see. -This I gotta see. Ouch! -Ouch! Oh, are you all right? -Oh, are you all right? I'm great. Always set my fingers on fire. If you want to see another trick. I do this thing with my nose. -I'm great. Always set my fingers on fire. If you want to see another trick. I do this thing with my nose. No. I just wanted to see if you could light it that way. The guy at the newsstand can. -No. I just wanted to see if you could light it that way. The guy at the newsstand can. Ah, yes, the guy at the newsstand, Mr. Asbestos... -Ah, yes, the guy at the newsstand, Mr. Asbestos... He happens to be missing fingers. I first noticed when -- -He happens to be missing fingers. I first noticed when -- Is he Italian? -Is he Italian? No, why? -No, why? You sure he's not Italian? -You sure he's not Italian? He's Black, OK? -He's Black, OK? Well, If he had been Italian, they could have been shot off. Sometimes the mob does that to teach guys a lesson, If they blow a job or something. -Well, If he had been Italian, they could have been shot off. Sometimes the mob does that to teach guys a lesson, If they blow a job or something. As I said, he isn't Italian. Besides, I thought they just killed them. -As I said, he isn't Italian. Besides, I thought they just killed them. Don't be naive. They can't kill everybody. They have different punishments for different things. Like, if they kill a stool pigeon, they leave a canary on the body. It's symbolic. -Don't be naive. They can't kill everybody. They have different punishments for different things. Like, if they kill a stool pigeon, they leave a canary on the body. It's symbolic. Why don't they leave a pigeon instead of a canary? -Why don't they leave a pigeon instead of a canary? I don't know. Maybe they don't leave a canary. Don't be technical. What I'm saying is if this newsstand guy's Italian and his fingers are gone, maybe he's a thief. -I don't know. Maybe they don't leave a canary. Don't be technical. What I'm saying is if this newsstand guy's Italian and his fingers are gone, maybe he's a thief. First, he's not Italian. Second he's not a thief. I noticed the fingers when he was getting my change -- the right change. Two of his fingers are missing. Just stubs. Like they were blown away. I was putting my change in my purse when I saw him get out a cigarette. I couldn't help watching. I was dying to see how he'd light it. -First, he's not Italian. Second he's not a thief. I noticed the fingers when he was getting my change -- the right change. Two of his fingers are missing. Just stubs. Like they were blown away. I was putting my change in my purse when I saw him get out a cigarette. I couldn't help watching. I was dying to see how he'd light it. With the other hand, right? -With the other hand, right? No, stupid. With the stubs. That's the whole point. -No, stupid. With the stubs. That's the whole point. I know that guy. His hand looks like a paw. An old Black guy, the newsstand at -- -I know that guy. His hand looks like a paw. An old Black guy, the newsstand at -- No, this is young -- well, I'm never sure how old Black people are -- but, anyway, he isn't old. That's for sure. -No, this is young -- well, I'm never sure how old Black people are -- but, anyway, he isn't old. That's for sure. Show me how he did that again. -Betsy, come over here a moment. What is it? I'm busy. -What is it? I'm busy. Just follow me. -No, I don't think so. That's someone else. Now look more closely. Look around the eyes and chin. See? See there? -What is your name? My name is Travis. Awh, come off it, Pal. -Awh, come off it, Pal. No, I'm serious, really... -No, I'm serious, really... Ya want me to call da boss? Huh? That what you want? -Ya want me to call da boss? Huh? That what you want? No, no, it's alright. I'll have a big Coca-Cola -- without ice -- and a large buttered popcorn, and... ...some of them chocolate covered malted milk balls... and ju-jukes, a box. They last. -No, no, it's alright. I'll have a big Coca-Cola -- without ice -- and a large buttered popcorn, and... ...some of them chocolate covered malted milk balls... and ju-jukes, a box. They last. We don't have ju-jukes. We don't have Coca-Cola. We only got Royal Crown Cola. -We don't have ju-jukes. We don't have Coca-Cola. We only got Royal Crown Cola. That's fine. -That's fine. That's a dollar forty-seven. -First she did her make-up. You know, I hate it when they do that. I mean she does the whole works, the mascara, the eye-shadow, the lipstick, the rouge... Not rouge. Blush-On, they call it. -Not rouge. Blush-On, they call it. The kind with a brush. -Yeah, that's Blush-On. My wife uses it, Ask Travis. He's the ladies man. -Well, whatever the fuck it is, she used it. And then the spray perfume. You know, the real sweat kind -- and, on top of that, get this, right when we're crossing the Tri-boro bridge -- she changes her pantyhose! No. -Yeah. Could you see anything? -Could you see anything? Well, she was trying to keep her skirt down, sort of, you know. But it was pretty obvious what she was doing. I mean, Christ, it was rush hour and the traffic's practically standing still. -Well, she was trying to keep her skirt down, sort of, you know. But it was pretty obvious what she was doing. I mean, Christ, it was rush hour and the traffic's practically standing still. What did you do? -What did you do? Threw on the emergency, jumped the seat and fucked her brains out -- What do you think! What do I have to do? Draw you a picture? -Threw on the emergency, jumped the seat and fucked her brains out -- What do you think! What do I have to do? Draw you a picture? Yeah. -Yeah. What was I supposed to do? I was watching in the rear view. You know, just checkin' traffic. So howsit? -"Sure. What do you think? She wanted to get out of the cab. I said ""Look, you're in the middle of the fucking bridge...""" You said that? -You said that? "Well, I said, ""Lady, please, we're on a bridge...""" -"Well, I said, ""Lady, please, we're on a bridge...""" And what happened? -She stayed in the cab, what's she gonna do? But she stiffed me. A real skunk. A real skunk. -Yeah. We went to Harvard together. We call him Dough-Boy cause he likes the dollars. He'll chase a buck straight into Jersey. -We call him Dough-Boy cause he likes the dollars. He'll chase a buck straight into Jersey. Look who's talking? Who else would stay up all night to catch the morning rush hour? -You run all over town, don't you, Travis? Fuckin' Mau Mau land, that's what it is. -Well, you ever need one, I know a feller that kin getcha a real nice deal. Lotsa shit around. The cops and company raise hell they find out. -Truck drivers bring up Harlem Specials that blow up in your hand. But this guy don't deal no shit. Just quality. If you ever need anything, I can put you in touch. For a fee. -For a fee. For a fee. -For a fee. I never use mine. But it's a good thing to have. Just as a threat. -I never use mine. But it's a good thing to have. Just as a threat. Well, if there's this many hackies inside, there must be lots of fares outside. And I'm gonna hustle 'em. -Well, if there's this many hackies inside, there must be lots of fares outside. And I'm gonna hustle 'em. What ya gonna do with all that money, Dough-Boy? -What ya gonna do with all that money, Dough-Boy? Support my kids. Can you dig it? Nice to meet ya, Travis. So long, Wizard. Say hello to Malcolm X for me. -...he called up the Dispatcher last night. Charlie McCall, our dispatcher... One-Ball McCall? -One-Ball McCall? "That's the guy. Eddie calls him up and says, ""Hey, what do you want me to do. I'm over here at Poly Prep. I got a girl in the back and she doesn't have the fare. She wants me to come in back and collect. What should I do?" -Fuckin' One-Ball. "And the kid says, ""Yeah. She's about 19, good-lookin."" McCall says, ""What can I tell you?""" -Some fleet driver for Bell just got cut up. Just heard it on the radio. Stick up? -Stick up? No, just some crazy fucker. Cut half his ear off. -No, just some crazy fucker. Cut half his ear off. Where. -Where. In the jungle. 122nd. -Huh? I mean, you handle some pretty rough traffic, huh? -I mean, you handle some pretty rough traffic, huh? I have. -I have. You carry a piece? You need one? -You carry a piece? You need one? Nah. I suppose not. -20 bucks? Yeah. Hey thanks. That's real nice, Travis. -Hello. You looking for some action? -You looking for some action? Well... I guess so. -Well... I guess so. All right. You see that guy over there? His name is Sport. Go talk to him. I'll wait here. -Why you hang around with them greasers? A girl needs protection. -A girl needs protection. Yeah. From the likes of them. -Yeah. From the likes of them. It's your time mister. Fifteen minutes ain't long. That cigarette burns out, your time is up. -What's your name? Easy. -Easy. That ain't much of a name. -That ain't much of a name. It's easy to remember. Easy Lay. -It's easy to remember. Easy Lay. What's your real name? -What's your real name? I don't like my real name. -I don't like my real name. What's your real name? -What's your real name? Iris. -Iris. That's a nice name. -That's a nice name. That's what you think. -Why? Who are you? I drive a taxi. You tried to get away one night. Remember? -I drive a taxi. You tried to get away one night. Remember? No. -No. You tried to run away in my taxi but your friend -- Sport -- wouldn't let you. -You tried to run away in my taxi but your friend -- Sport -- wouldn't let you. I don't remember. -I don't remember. It don't matter. I'm gonna get you outta here. -It don't matter. I'm gonna get you outta here. We better make it, or Sport'll get mad. How do you want to make it? -We better make it, or Sport'll get mad. How do you want to make it? I don't want to make it. I came here to get you out. -I don't want to make it. I came here to get you out. You want to make it like this? -Can't you listen to me? Don't you want to get out of here? Why should I want to get out of here? This is where I live. -Why should I want to get out of here? This is where I live. But you're the one that wanted to get away. You're the one that came into my cab. -But you're the one that wanted to get away. You're the one that came into my cab. I musta been stoned. -I musta been stoned. Do they drug you? -Do they drug you? Oh, come off it, man. -Listen... Don't you want to make it? Can't you make it? -Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! You can do it in my mouth. -You can do it in my mouth. Don't you understand anything? -Do you understand why I came here? I think so. I tried to get into your cab one night, and now you want to come and take me away. -I think so. I tried to get into your cab one night, and now you want to come and take me away. Don't you want to go? -Don't you want to go? I can leave anytime I want. -I can leave anytime I want. But that one night? -But that one night? I was stoned. That's why they stopped me. When I'm not stoned, I got no place else to go. They just protect me from myself. -Well, I tried. I understand, mister. It means something, really. -I understand, mister. It means something, really. Can I see you again? -Can I see you again? That's not hard to do. -That's not hard to do. No, I mean really. This is nothing for a person to do. -No, I mean really. This is nothing for a person to do. Sure. All right. We'll have breakfast. I get up about one o'clock. Tomorrow. -Sure. All right. We'll have breakfast. I get up about one o'clock. Tomorrow. Well tomorrow noon there's a... I got a... -Well, you want to or not? O.K. It's a date. I'll see you here, then. -...and after that Sport and I just started hanging out... Where is home? -Where? Pittsburgh. -Pittsburgh. I ain't ever been there, but it don't seem like such a bad place. -I ain't ever been there, but it don't seem like such a bad place. Why do you want me to go back to my parents? They hate me. Why do you think I split? There ain't nothin there. -Why do you want me to go back to my parents? They hate me. Why do you think I split? There ain't nothin there. But you can't live like this. It's hell. Girls should live at home. -But you can't live like this. It's hell. Girls should live at home. Didn't you ever hear of women's lib? -God, you are square. At least I don't walk the streets like a skunk pussy. I don't screw and fuck with killers and junkies. -Who's a killer? "That fella ""Sport"" looks like a killer to me." -"That fella ""Sport"" looks like a killer to me." He never killed nobody. He's a Libra. -He never killed nobody. He's a Libra. Huh? -Huh? I'm a Libra too. That's why we get along so well. -I'm a Libra too. That's why we get along so well. He looks like a killer. -He looks like a killer. I think Cancer's make the best lovers. My whole family are air signs. -I think Cancer's make the best lovers. My whole family are air signs. He shoots dope too. -He shoots dope too. What makes you so high and mighty? Did you ever look at your own eyeballs in a mirror. You don't get eyes like that from... -What makes you so high and mighty? Did you ever look at your own eyeballs in a mirror. You don't get eyes like that from... He's worse than an animal. Jail's too good for scum like that. -Rock music died in 1970, that's what I think. Before that it was fantastic. I can tell you that. Everybody was crashing, hanging out at the Fillmore. Me and my girlfriend Ann used to go up the fire escape, you know? It was unbelievable. Rock Stars everywhere. That Airplane -- that's my group, man. All Libras. But now everybody's split or got sick or busted. I think I'll move to one of those communes in Vermont, you know? That's where all the smart ones went. I stayed here. I never been to a commune. I don't know. I saw pictures in a magazine, and it didn't look very clean to me. -I never been to a commune. I don't know. I saw pictures in a magazine, and it didn't look very clean to me. Why don't you come to a commune with me? -Why don't you come to a commune with me? Me? I could never go to a place like that. -Me? I could never go to a place like that. Why not? -Why not? I... I don't get along with people like that. -I... I don't get along with people like that. You a scorpion? That's it. You're a scorpion. I can tell. -You a scorpion? That's it. You're a scorpion. I can tell. Besides, I've got to stay here. -Besides, I've got to stay here. Why? -Why? I've got something important to do. I can't leave. -I've got something important to do. I can't leave. What's so important? -What's so important? I can't say -- it's top secret. I'm doing something for the Army. The cab thing is just part time. -I can't say -- it's top secret. I'm doing something for the Army. The cab thing is just part time. You a narc? -You a narc? Do I look like a narc? -Do I look like a narc? Yeah. -God, I don't know who's weirder, you or me. What are you going to do about Sport and that old bastard? -What are you going to do about Sport and that old bastard? Just leave'em. There's plenty of other girls. -Just leave'em. There's plenty of other girls. You just gonna leave 'em? -You just gonna leave 'em? What should I do? Call the cops? -What should I do? Call the cops? Cops don't do nothin. -Cops don't do nothin. Sport never treated me bad, honest. Never beat me up once. -Sport never treated me bad, honest. Never beat me up once. You can't leave 'em to do the same to other girls. You should get rid of them. -You can't leave 'em to do the same to other girls. You should get rid of them. How? -How? I don't know. Just should, though. Somebody should kill 'em. Nobody'd miss 'em. -I don't know. Just should, though. Somebody should kill 'em. Nobody'd miss 'em. God. I know where they should have a commune for you. They should have a commune for you at Bellevue. -God. I know where they should have a commune for you. They should have a commune for you at Bellevue. I'm sorry, Iris. I didn't mean that. -I'm sorry, Iris. I didn't mean that. You're not much with girls, are you? -You're not much with girls, are you? Well, Iris, I look at it this way. A lot of girls come into my cab, some of them very beautiful. And I figure all day long men have been after them: trying to touch them, talk to them, ask them out. And they hate it. So I figure the best I can do for them is not bother them at all. So I don't say a thing. I pretend I'm not even there. I figure they'll understand that and appreciate me for it. -Do you really think I should go to the commune? I think you should go home, but otherwise I think you should go. It would be great for you. You have to get away from here. The city's a sewer, you gotta get out of it. -Sure you don't want to come with me? I can't. Otherwise, I would. -I can't. Otherwise, I would. I sure hate to go alone... -I sure hate to go alone... I'll give you the money to go. I don't want you to take any from those guys. -I'll give you the money to go. I don't want you to take any from those guys. You don't have to. -You don't have to. I want to -- what else can I do with my money? You may not see me again -- for a while. -I want to -- what else can I do with my money? You may not see me again -- for a while. What do you mean? -What do you mean? My work may take me out of New York. -Why should it be grounded? Listen -- I mean I just saw the needle of the Empire State Building. You can't see it for the fog! -Listen -- I mean I just saw the needle of the Empire State Building. You can't see it for the fog! Then it's a good guess it's grounded. -Then it's a good guess it's grounded. The Empire State in fog means something, don't it? Do you know, or don't you? What is your number, cabbie? -The Empire State in fog means something, don't it? Do you know, or don't you? What is your number, cabbie? Have you tried the telephone? -Have you tried the telephone? There isn't time for that. In other words, you don't know. -There isn't time for that. In other words, you don't know. No. -No. Well, you should know, damn it, or who else would know? Pull over right here. Why don't you stick your goddamn head out of the goddamn window once in a while and find out about the goddamn fog! -Say, aren't you Charles Palantine, the candidate? Yes I am. -Yes I am. Well, I'm one of your biggest supporters. I tell everybody that comes in this cab that they should vote for you. -Well, I'm one of your biggest supporters. I tell everybody that comes in this cab that they should vote for you. Why, thank you Travis. -Why, thank you Travis. I'm sure you'll win, sir. Everybody I know is going to vote for you. I was going to put one of your stickers on my taxi but the company said it was against their policy. -I'm sure you'll win, sir. Everybody I know is going to vote for you. I was going to put one of your stickers on my taxi but the company said it was against their policy. I'll tell you, Travis, I've learned more about this country sitting in taxi cabs than in the board room of General Motors. -Travis, what single thing would you want the next President of this country to do most? I don't know, sir. I don't follow political issues much. -I don't know, sir. I don't follow political issues much. There must be something... -There must be something... Well, he should clean up this city here. It's full of filth and scum. Scum and filth. It's like an open sewer. I can hardly take it. Some days I go out and smell it then I get headaches that just stay and never go away. We need a President that would clean up this whole mess. Flush it out. -I know what you mean, Travis, and it's not going to be easy. We're going to have to make some radical changes. Damn straight. -Nice talking to you, Travis. Thank you, sir. You're a good man, sir. -No trouble with the Hack Bureau? No Sir. -No Sir. Got your license? -Got your license? Yes. -Yes. So why do you want to be a taxi driver? -So why do you want to be a taxi driver? I can't sleep nights. -I can't sleep nights. There's porno theatres for that. -There's porno theatres for that. I know. I tried that. -So whatja do now? I ride around nights mostly. Subways, buses. See things. Figur'd I might as well get paid for it. -I ride around nights mostly. Subways, buses. See things. Figur'd I might as well get paid for it. We don't need any misfits around here, son. -You kiddin? Who else would hack through South Bronx or Harlem at night? You want to work uptown nights? -You want to work uptown nights? I'll work anywhere, anytime. I know I can't be choosy. -I'll work anywhere, anytime. I know I can't be choosy. How's your driving record? -How's your driving record? Clean. Real clean. As clean as my conscience. -Clean. Real clean. As clean as my conscience. Listen, son, you gonna get smart, you can leave right now. -Listen, son, you gonna get smart, you can leave right now. Sorry, sir. I didn't mean that. -Sorry, sir. I didn't mean that. Physical? Criminal? -Physical? Criminal? Also clean. -Also clean. Age? -Age? Twenty-six. -Twenty-six. Education? -Education? Some. Here and there. -Some. Here and there. Military record? -Military record? Honorable discharge. May 1971. -Honorable discharge. May 1971. You moonlightin? -You moonlightin? No, I want long shifts. -No, I want long shifts. We hire a lot of moonlighters here. -We hire a lot of moonlighters here. So I hear. -So I hear. Hell, we ain't that much fussy anyway. There's always opening on one fleet or another. Fill out these forms and give them to the girl at the desk, and leave your phone number. You gotta phone? -Hell, we ain't that much fussy anyway. There's always opening on one fleet or another. Fill out these forms and give them to the girl at the desk, and leave your phone number. You gotta phone? No. -No. Well then check back tomorrow. -Well then check back tomorrow. Yes, Sir. -Are you a Secret Service Man? Why do you ask? -Why do you ask? I've seen a lot of suspicious-looking people around here today. -Who? Oh, lots. I don't know where they all are now. There used to be one standing over there. -Is it hard to get to be a Secret Service Man? Why? -Why? I kinda thought I might make a good one. I'm very observant. -I kinda thought I might make a good one. I'm very observant. Oh? -Oh? I was in the Army too. And I'm good with crowds. -Is that so? What kind of guns do you guys use? .38's? -Look, um, if you give me your name and address, we'll send you the information on how to apply. You would, huh? -You would, huh? Sure. -Sure. "My name is Henry Krinkle -- that's with a ""K."" K-R-I-N-K-L-E. I live at 13 1/2 Hopper Avenue, Fair Lawn, New Jersey. Zip code 07410. Got that?" -"My name is Henry Krinkle -- that's with a ""K."" K-R-I-N-K-L-E. I live at 13 1/2 Hopper Avenue, Fair Lawn, New Jersey. Zip code 07410. Got that?" Sure, Henry. I got it all. We'll send you all the stuff all right. -Sure, Henry. I got it all. We'll send you all the stuff all right. Great, hey. Thanks a lot. -Here, officer, take me in. I'm clean. I didn't do it. Got a ticket once in Jersey. That's all. Honest, officer. Your name Sport? -Your name Sport? Anything you say, officer. -Anything you say, officer. I'm no cop. I want some action. -I'm no cop. I want some action. I saw. $20 fifteen minutes. $30 half hour. -I saw. $20 fifteen minutes. $30 half hour. Shit. -Shit. Take it or leave it. -I'm no cop. Well, if you are, it's entrapment already. -Well, if you are, it's entrapment already. I'm hip. -I'm hip. Funny, you don't look hip. -Hey, Sport. How are things? O.K., cowboy. -O.K., cowboy. How are things in the pimp business, hey Sport? -How are things in the pimp business, hey Sport? What's going on? -What's going on? I'm here to see Iris. -I'm here to see Iris. Iris? -Wha -- ? Yeah, Iris. You know anybody by that name? -Yeah, Iris. You know anybody by that name? No. Hillbilly, you'd better get your wise ass outa here and quick, or you're gonna be in trouble. -Get it. Hey, mister, I don't know what's going on here. This don't make any sense. -Hey, mister, I don't know what's going on here. This don't make any sense. Show it to me. -Travis. Hey Wizard. -So howsit? Some fleet driver for Bell just got cut up. Just heard it on the radio. -What's the action around? Slow. -Wiz? Yeah? -Yeah? Look, ah, we never talked much, you and me... -Look, ah, we never talked much, you and me... Yeah? -Yeah? I wanted to ask you something, on account you've been around so long. -I wanted to ask you something, on account you've been around so long. Shoot. They don't call me the Wizard for nothing. -Shoot. They don't call me the Wizard for nothing. Well, I just, you know... -Well, I just, you know... Things got ya down? -Things got ya down? Real down. -Real down. It happens. -It happens. Sometimes it gets so I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I get some real crazy ideas, you know? Just go out and do somethin. -Sometimes it gets so I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I get some real crazy ideas, you know? Just go out and do somethin. The taxi life, you mean. -The taxi life, you mean. Yeah. -Yeah. I know. -I know. Like do anything, you know. -Like do anything, you know. Travis, look, I dig it. Let me explain. You choose a certain way of life. You live it. It becomes what you are. I've been a hack 27 years, the last ten at night. Still don't own my own cab. I guess that's the way I want it. You see, that must be what I am. -Look, a person does a certain thing and that's all there is to it. It becomes what he is. Why fight it? What do you know? How long you been a hack, a couple months? You're like a peg and you get dropped into a slot and you got to squirm and wiggle around a while until you fit in. That's just about the dumbest thing I ever heard, Wizard. -That's just about the dumbest thing I ever heard, Wizard. What do you expect, Bertrand Russell? I've been a cabbie all my life, what do I know? I don't even know what you're talking about. -What do you expect, Bertrand Russell? I've been a cabbie all my life, what do I know? I don't even know what you're talking about. Neither do I, I guess. -Neither do I, I guess. You fit in. It's lonely, it's rough at first. But you fit in. You got no choice. -You fit in. It's lonely, it's rough at first. But you fit in. You got no choice. Yeah. Sorry, Wizard. -Yeah. Sorry, Wizard. Don't worry, Killer. You'll be all right. I seen enough to know. -Don't worry, Killer. You'll be all right. I seen enough to know. Thanks. -Had a close one. You want to talk about it? -Not really. You know how I feel about what you do. -Could we change the subject? That record company.in Nashville wants to hear my demo tape. -That record company.in Nashville wants to hear my demo tape. Hey! Now there's some good news. -Hey! Now there's some good news. You think I'm too... ethnic for country music? -You think I'm too... ethnic for country music? Carla Pestalozzi? No. Definitely not. You could have posed for the Mona= Lisa. Sophia Loren looks Swedish next to you. -Stick with Carla. Okay. How 'bout Carla Goodspeed? Six years, Bill. We've lived together six years. -Don't stop... do no stop. Shit, shit, shit what time is it. Hello. I'll be downstairs in ten minutes. -No. Ancient Greece. Alchimadus was imprisoned by his king. -Maybe. Not really. Archbishop of Canterbury. Imprisoned and executed by Henry the Second ... -Thank you. You're not wimping out on us, Goodspeed. -You're not wimping out on us, Goodspeed. "I join the F.B.I. I ask for fieldwork. They say, ""Bill, you're too fucking= smart for field work."" Every year I put in for a transfer and every year I= sit in that goddamn lab like the fucking Maytag repairman in the= commercial. Then the call finally comes, and it's a whole fuckin, city at= stake? Oh Jesus..." -Spit it out. MY girlfriend's pregnant. -It's me sir. What is happening? Where's Mason? -He says he's leaving the island sir. Don't let him do that. -He's got a gun, sir. What do you have, a FUCKING WATER PISTOL? Get him back! -Just come and get me, sir. I'm tired. Name your vacation spot, Goodspeed. The Bureau'll pay for it. -What do you do for the F.B.I., Goodspeed. I'm a field agent. -I'm a field agent. Tell me what you really do. -I don't understand.... During the time I cooperate, will I be outside? Outside a jail? -During the time I cooperate, will I be outside? Outside a jail? Well yes I suppose ... -Well yes I suppose ... You suppose? -You suppose? Yes. You'll be outside. -John Mason. ' Don't be shocked. I don't have much time. Please listen carefully .... Where is he sir? RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. What's he doing? HE'S ON THE= PHONE. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, HIS STOCKBROKER! Oh shit. Gotta go. -Motor oil? For cottonmouth. Goodspeed and the S.E.A.L.s exchange looks. -Don't shoot me. Mason was actually slinging it over his shoulder... For christ's sake. Mason trudges down the tu=3Del. Goodspeed follows him. -For christ's sake. Mason trudges down the tu=3Del. Goodspeed follows him. Wait. Where're you going? -I.don't get it. You're going to help me? No. I'm going to give you dancing lessons. What the fuck do you think? -Limp dick? It's all I could think of. -I'll go. Wrong. -Wrong. What, vou? -What, vou? I'm not the chemical weapons expert. -What are you doing? Now they only have three rockets left. -Wait. Find the rockets. If they're guarded, kill the men guarding them. -Mason. Mason? It's about time. -You referring to your intellect, Goodspeed? Or another portion of your= anatomy .... The cell, Mason. -Surprise, surprise. I'm not a field agent, all right? So cut me a break. -I'm not a field agent, all right? So cut me a break. An F.B.I. Man asking me for a break. How droll. -Partners? Partners. -Mason, uhm, John, I have something to tell you. You know that pardon= contract you signed? Womack ripped it up, right? -Womack ripped it up, right? You knew? All this time? -You knew? All this time? I'm not a fool, Billy. -I'm not a fool, Billy. All I know is that whatever you did, you don't deserve to go back. -God's speed. Yes. To wish someone a prosperous jouey. -St. Michael's Church, Fort Walton, Kansas. Front pew. Right leg. = Hollow. What's that? Mason? -Hi. Hi. -I'm sure a lot of people down in L.A. are worried sick about you. Yeah? I'm sure a lot more people down in L.A. want a piece of me. -This Luke was a pretty good guy, wasn't he? Oh, yes. Yes, he was. -Oh, yes. Yes, he was. Well... let me tell you, I'm not Luke. I know who I am now, and you don't. And... I don't like me very much. -Well... let me tell you, I'm not Luke. I know who I am now, and you don't. And... I don't like me very much. You know, it's going to take me a while to get used to calling you Pete. Pete. Pete. It's a nice name. -You know, it's going to take me a while to get used to calling you Pete. Pete. Pete. It's a nice name. Thanks, I like it. I think. -I believe you. The truth is, I'm a lot of things, but communist isn't one of them. -The truth is, I'm a lot of things, but communist isn't one of them. But if you only went to one meeting, why does anyone care? Besides, why should it even matter if you were a communist? -But if you only went to one meeting, why does anyone care? Besides, why should it even matter if you were a communist? "Come on, Delly, look at the country today. We're fighting communists in Korea, we're paranoid about the Russians, we've got this thing with the Rosenbergs and the atomic bomb... You think they want ""suspected communists"" entertaining the American public with party propaganda like, gosh I don't know, ""Sand Pirates of the Sahara?""" -"Come on, Delly, look at the country today. We're fighting communists in Korea, we're paranoid about the Russians, we've got this thing with the Rosenbergs and the atomic bomb... You think they want ""suspected communists"" entertaining the American public with party propaganda like, gosh I don't know, ""Sand Pirates of the Sahara?""" Forget about all that. You want to do the right thing? Then defend your name. If someone says something about you that's untrue, you have to stand up and say so. I know the law, and the law's on your side. -What about you, Delly? I am, too. -You'll stand by me? Whatever happens. -You've got everything? Yeah. Except a chance in hell of coming out of this intact. -Yeah. Except a chance in hell of coming out of this intact. You'll be fine. No matter what Leo Kubelsky says, you've got a hundred and seventy-five years of American law on your side. Don't forget that. -You'll be fine. No matter what Leo Kubelsky says, you've got a hundred and seventy-five years of American law on your side. Don't forget that. I wish you were coming with me. -I wish you were coming with me. And who's gonna run the projector until you get back? Mrs. Terwilliger? -And who's gonna run the projector until you get back? Mrs. Terwilliger? Maybe we could train Cat to run the projector. You know, a system of scratching posts, and gears, and levers... -Did you bring along something to read? Damn... -Not exactly light reading, I know. Believe it or not, I've read this since high school, and it got me all the way through law school. Besides, there's something in there that'll help you. You won't have to get very far, it's near the beginning. Delly... thanks, thank you. I'll take good care of this. -Delly... thanks, thank you. I'll take good care of this. Just remember two things. First, the law is a living thing. It made us free and it keeps us free. Sometimes it gets twisted around by people for their own purposes. Sometimes it makes mistakes, sometimes big mistakes. But in the end, the law prevails for the just. Sometimes, it takes a while. -Just remember two things. First, the law is a living thing. It made us free and it keeps us free. Sometimes it gets twisted around by people for their own purposes. Sometimes it makes mistakes, sometimes big mistakes. But in the end, the law prevails for the just. Sometimes, it takes a while. Okay. What's the second thing? -Tell them Pete. Tell them... Mr. Chairman, as I understand it, the Fifth Amendment pertains to self-incrimination, and I can't incriminate myself because I've done nothing wrong. Besides, incrimination is why you have Mr. Clyde working for you. -I see you got the telegram. Pete, I'm so sorry about what they did to you. I didn't think you'd come back, I thought you'd want to write again... -Pete, I'm so sorry about what they did to you. I didn't think you'd come back, I thought you'd want to write again... Dell, I can't write unless I'm happy, and I can't be happy unless I'm here -- and with you. This is me, Delly. Pete Appleton. And I love you! -Dell, I can't write unless I'm happy, and I can't be happy unless I'm here -- and with you. This is me, Delly. Pete Appleton. And I love you! And I love you, Pete! -Dad? Delly? In here. -How'd it go? Not as bad as I thought it would. I think I passed. -Not as bad as I thought it would. I think I passed. That's my girl! Did you...? -That's my girl! Did you...? "No hiccups, which was good. Who wants an attorney who gets the hiccups when she gets nervous? ""Your honor, I object!""" -I think it's worse now. That always used to work. -That always used to work. Yeah, well it's not everyday you get news like this. You're sure he's okay? Other than the bump on the head? -Yeah, well it's not everyday you get news like this. You're sure he's okay? Other than the bump on the head? Well... -Well... Dad... -He doesn't remember anything, Delly. Doesn't know how he got here, doesn't remember his father, the town, the Bijou, anyone... ... including me. Right? -... including me. Right? I'm afraid not. He looked right at your picture without batting an eye. But it's probably temporary. He got all the way to Lawson, so he clearly knew who he was and what he was doing until he hit his head. I'm sure it'll all come back to him. It just takes a catalyst. -I'm afraid not. He looked right at your picture without batting an eye. But it's probably temporary. He got all the way to Lawson, so he clearly knew who he was and what he was doing until he hit his head. I'm sure it'll all come back to him. It just takes a catalyst. You mean, me? -You mean, me? It's possible. -Daddy, that's Luke, can you let him in? I'll be right down. Honey, I... I can't... it's the... -Besides, Daddy's still trying to figure out how to get his new television set working. I had it, a minute ago... -Do you... remember me? I've seen you before. Your picture... -What. No, I... I just wondering where you've been all this time. -No, I... I just wondering where you've been all this time. Me too. -Me too. You look... different. -You look... different. I do? -I do? Yeah, a little. I think you grew an inch or so. And you've lost weight. -Yeah, a little. I think you grew an inch or so. And you've lost weight. I did? Huh! -You can all go home, now. He's not going anywhere. Go on home, folks. And thanks for the welcome. -Then why do I feel like we're still being shadowed? Well... where can we go? -City hall? You must not remember anything. Come on. -You first. Why me? -Why me? Be a gentleman. You have to help me down. -Of course, there was a lot more room before they stuck the memorial down here. How'd they get it inside? -How'd they get it inside? Through the door. It comes apart. -"Right here. ""Albert Lucas Trumbo."" And all the others. I knew them all. So did you. We went to school with most of them." It doesn't seem right, this being down here. It ought to be where people can see it. -It doesn't seem right, this being down here. It ought to be where people can see it. After they commissioned it, no one could ever agree on where to put it. The Methodists wanted it in front of the Methodist Church, the Presbyterians wanted it in front of the Presbyterian Church, the city council wanted it in the lobby of City Hall. Everyone finally got tired of the fighting. So they stuck it down here. -So, you're really gonna be a lawyer? And why not? -And why not? Whoa. -Whoa. "Sorry. You don't know how many times I've heard that. ""A lady lawyer? Are you crazy?"" Like a woman couldn't be as good a lawyer as a man. Or better, in fact." -"Sorry. You don't know how many times I've heard that. ""A lady lawyer? Are you crazy?"" Like a woman couldn't be as good a lawyer as a man. Or better, in fact." Have you always wanted to be a lawyer? -Have you always wanted to be a lawyer? You... don't remember, but yes, ever since I was a little girl. -You... don't remember, but yes, ever since I was a little girl. What did... what did I want to be? -What did... what did I want to be? Oh, well... I guess you... in high school, you were a pretty good first baseman. And we were on the debate team together. But... I think you were gonna run the Bijou. You were brought up there, and you loved it so much. And I think you knew how much the town needed a place like that. -You don't have a boyfriend or anyone... you know... like that? Actually, I was married. For four years. But... well, we didn't fit together. I'm divorced now. -Actually, I was married. For four years. But... well, we didn't fit together. I'm divorced now. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. No, it's okay. See, when two people belong together, the other person should be the... the key that unlocks the rest of you... I'm not making sense, am I? -No, it's okay. See, when two people belong together, the other person should be the... the key that unlocks the rest of you... I'm not making sense, am I? No, you are. I know exactly what you mean. It's not that you're missing something. It's that the other person gives something to you... that you had all the time. You just didn't see it until they came along. -No, you are. I know exactly what you mean. It's not that you're missing something. It's that the other person gives something to you... that you had all the time. You just didn't see it until they came along. Yeah... -We were in love... weren't we? Yes. Hic! -What was that? Nothing. -Nothing. Do you have the... -Do you have the... I'm fine. Really. -Were we going to get married? Eventually. We were going to be engaged... when you came back from overseas... -No... you were wearing that suit the last time we went out before... Oh... -Oh... ... and It's just... well, deja vu. -This is strange. Do you feel it? What? -What? We've done this before, so many times. The last time was so long ago, but it feels like yesterday. -We've done this before, so many times. The last time was so long ago, but it feels like yesterday. Oh. -You know, everyone's so excited about the Bijou re-opening... It's gonna cost over nine hundred dollars to open the place, Delly. -It's gonna cost over nine hundred dollars to open the place, Delly. Nine hundred... -Nine hundred... Yeah, and needless to say, none of us has that kind of money lying around. -Yeah, and needless to say, none of us has that kind of money lying around. What about a loan? You could go to the bank...? -What about a loan? You could go to the bank...? A loan to a man who ran his business into the ground and his son who can't account for the last nine-and-a-half years of his life? Not likely. -A loan to a man who ran his business into the ground and his son who can't account for the last nine-and-a-half years of his life? Not likely. Well, there's got to be a way... -Well, there's got to be a way... Have you got a cigarette? -When did you start smoking? I don't smoke? -I don't smoke? You tried to once. It was pretty pitiful. -You tried to once. It was pretty pitiful. Oh. -They're not bad. No, they're not. I'd say your investment was paying dividends. -No, they're not. I'd say your investment was paying dividends. My what? -My what? Back in '37, you heard Benny Goodman play for the first time, so you went out and got a used clarinet. You wanted nothing more than to be able to play like him. You tried hard, but it wasn't long before it was clear that Benny Goodman would never be looking over his shoulder. So you gave the clarinet to Spencer. -Back in '37, you heard Benny Goodman play for the first time, so you went out and got a used clarinet. You wanted nothing more than to be able to play like him. You tried hard, but it wasn't long before it was clear that Benny Goodman would never be looking over his shoulder. So you gave the clarinet to Spencer. Huh. That was nice of me. -Huh. That was nice of me. You had a hidden agenda, though. See, when he was five or six, little Spence used to follow you around like a puppy. Bothered the hell out of you. But as soon as you gave him the clarinet... -You had a hidden agenda, though. See, when he was five or six, little Spence used to follow you around like a puppy. Bothered the hell out of you. But as soon as you gave him the clarinet... ... he started practicing, and he left me alone from then on. -... he started practicing, and he left me alone from then on. Exactly. And he got good. -Exactly. And he got good. No kidding. -Now, did you remember that, or... Nope. Just filling in the blanks. -Nope. Just filling in the blanks. Oh. Okay. -How do you tell those two apart, anyway? Alex and Charlie? Simple. Alex is the smarter one. -Alex and Charlie? Simple. Alex is the smarter one. That's... pretty frightening. -Your dancing's very good. Thanks. -Thanks. It never used to be. You were two left feet on the dance floor. Like pulling teeth to get you to do a little box step. -It never used to be. You were two left feet on the dance floor. Like pulling teeth to get you to do a little box step. Guess I must've learned. -What... do you remember? Well... everything. It started coming back a couple of days ago. I remember everything now. -Well... everything. It started coming back a couple of days ago. I remember everything now. I see... -I see... Delly. I'm... I'm not... Harry wasn't my father. And I'm not... I'm not Luke. -Delly, shhhhhh... No... I can't... I have to... I can't... -Sir, that is true. "Mr. Appleton, do you know an ""Albert Lucas Trumbo?""" -"Mr. Appleton, do you know an ""Albert Lucas Trumbo?""" Luke Trumbo? We never met. But I'd like to think I know him. -Luke Trumbo? We never met. But I'd like to think I know him. Is that because you were masquerading as Luke Trumbo while you were in Lawson? -Is that because you were masquerading as Luke Trumbo while you were in Lawson? Mr. Clyde you're twisting things around. I wasn't masquerading. Luke Trumbo... Luke was a good man who gave his life for his country. I just... happen to look a little bit like him. That's all. -Mr. Clyde you're twisting things around. I wasn't masquerading. Luke Trumbo... Luke was a good man who gave his life for his country. I just... happen to look a little bit like him. That's all. Yes, I see that Private Trumbo was reported missing in action and is presumed dead. I also see that you were posted stateside during the war. Fort Dix? -Yes, I see that Private Trumbo was reported missing in action and is presumed dead. I also see that you were posted stateside during the war. Fort Dix? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Well, I'm sure we're all glad to see you came through it all right. -"Now, I see that you've been running a movie theater in Lawson called ""The Bijou,"" is that also true?" Yes sir. But I didn't go to Lawson to run The Bijou, that was... that was something that just happened. You see, I was involved in an accident in Lawson, and I spent some time recovering there. -"Anyone who reads the newspaper is quite familiar with your... ""accident,"" Mr. Appleton. An accident which, conveniently, came hard upon your dismissal from United Pictures. Tell us, this ""accident"" of yours, are we given to understand that it affected your memory?" Yes. -Yes. And what is the state of your memory now? -Sir, are you referring to the fact that I was suffering from amnesia, and I've since recovered my memory? "I'm interested in knowing if you remember things you did in your past, or if they've been conveniently ""blotted out"" as a result of your ""accident.""" -"I'm interested in knowing if you remember things you did in your past, or if they've been conveniently ""blotted out"" as a result of your ""accident.""" Mr. Clyde, I remember everything. -Mr. Clyde, I remember everything. "Good. Good. Now, I hold in my hand a photostatic copy of the attendance roster for the ""Bread Instead of Bullets Club"" of the University of California, Los Angeles, dated October 11, 1935. A copy of this paper is before you, Mr. Appleton. Do you recognize it?" -Yes... yes, I do. Referring to line thirty-seven of the document, does your printed name and signature appear there? -Referring to line thirty-seven of the document, does your printed name and signature appear there? Yes it does. -Yes it does. "Mr. Appleton, please tell this committee what was the nature and purpose of the ""Bread Instead of Bullets Club?""" -"Mr. Appleton, please tell this committee what was the nature and purpose of the ""Bread Instead of Bullets Club?""" Mr. Clyde, do you want to know what I knew then, or do you want to know what I know now? They're two different things? -Mr. Clyde, do you want to know what I knew then, or do you want to know what I know now? They're two different things? Start with what you knew then. -Start with what you knew then. Well, I'd direct the attention of counsel and committee to line thirty-six of the document, and the name printed and signed there. -Well, I'd direct the attention of counsel and committee to line thirty-six of the document, and the name printed and signed there. "We see it. For the record, it reads ""Lucille Angstrom."" What's the point of this?" -"We see it. For the record, it reads ""Lucille Angstrom."" What's the point of this?" Well, that's what I knew then. Or who I knew, I should say. You see, I was trying to court Miss Angstrom. I went to the meeting to impress her. -Well, that's what I knew then. Or who I knew, I should say. You see, I was trying to court Miss Angstrom. I went to the meeting to impress her. Are you asking this committee to believe that you attended a meeting of a communist party front organization in order to impress a girl? -Are you asking this committee to believe that you attended a meeting of a communist party front organization in order to impress a girl? Well, if you'd seen Miss Angstrom... -All right, Mr. Appleton. That was what you knew then. What do you know now? Well, I know that I lost my job because of one meeting I went to when I was a kid in college. I know that I've been branded a communist, which I'm not, but even if I was, it shouldn't matter, or what do we have a Bill Of Rights for? -Well, I know that I lost my job because of one meeting I went to when I was a kid in college. I know that I've been branded a communist, which I'm not, but even if I was, it shouldn't matter, or what do we have a Bill Of Rights for? Mr. Chairman, the witness is being non-responsive... -Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the communist party? No, sir. -No, sir. Are you refuting this evidence and your previous testimony? -Are you refuting this evidence and your previous testimony? I'm not refuting anything. -I'm not refuting anything. Yet you're contradicting yourself. You earlier testified that you attended a meeting of a communist party-run organization, yet you just said, under oath, that you were not now -- nor ever -- a member of the communist party. -Yet you're contradicting yourself. You earlier testified that you attended a meeting of a communist party-run organization, yet you just said, under oath, that you were not now -- nor ever -- a member of the communist party. That's not a contradiction at all, sir. I went to the meeting, but I didn't go as a member. -That's not a contradiction at all, sir. I went to the meeting, but I didn't go as a member. Well, then, as what did you go? -Do you swear that the testimony you are about to give before this committee of the United States House of Representatives will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you god? I do. -I do. Be seated and state your full name and place of residence for the record. -Be seated and state your full name and place of residence for the record. Peter Kenneth Appleton. Hollywood, California. -Peter Kenneth Appleton. Hollywood, California. The chair notes that you are appearing without the benefit of counsel today, Mr. Appleton. We certainly hope this means that you intend to be fully forthcoming with this committee? -The chair notes that you are appearing without the benefit of counsel today, Mr. Appleton. We certainly hope this means that you intend to be fully forthcoming with this committee? I'll do my best, Mr. Chairman. -I'll do my best, Mr. Chairman. Now, we're informed that you have a statement you'd like to read, is that correct? -Now, we're informed that you have a statement you'd like to read, is that correct? A statement? -Yes. A prepared statement. Um... no. I don't have a statement at this time. -I'm a little hesitant to say. The witness need not be hesitant to say anything before this committee, as long as it's the truth. -Mr. Appleton, you are making light of a legally constituted committee of the United States Congress. Believe you me, you do not want to incur our wrath. I'm sorry, sir, I have no intention of making light of this committee. And I have no intention of incurring your wrath, Mr. Chairman. I have a few friends who have already incurred your wrath. They've sent me letters from jail. -Mr. Appleton? Mr. Appleton? I... I need a drink of water. -I... I need a drink of water. Go ahead, son. -Mr. Chairman... there's... another Amendment... that I'd like to invoke at this time, but it's not the Fifth Amendment. I wonder if you're familiar with it. Mr. Appleton, you will... -Cecil! Cecil, there's a young man in there... Lord love a duck, Harry, you wanna give me a heart attack right in front of the doctor's office? -Lord love a duck, Harry, you wanna give me a heart attack right in front of the doctor's office? Listen to me! The young man in there... -Only one in town. Get in, son. Ben, when's Delly due back? -Here we are. Well, son, you're home! -Thanks for the lift, Cecil. Don't mention it. Welcome home, Luke. -No wallet, huh? No identification at all. What're you thinkin', Cecil? -No identification at all. What're you thinkin', Cecil? What I'm thinkin' is we got us one a'two things here. A mystery or a damn miracle. And by god I can't tell which. Boy, you say you have no idea who you are? That right? -Doc, with your permission, I want to bring someone in here. Maybe it'll jar this young man's memory. By all means. -Are you saying that he's... Shhhhhh. -Mother o'god... Give the man a hug, boy! That's your father! -Tomorrow afternoon... ... oh my god... Exactly. Break it to her gently. -Yes. You ever been in this town before, to your knowledge? -You ever been in this town before, to your knowledge? No. But... -No. But... But what? -But what? Well, this place sorta reminds me of something. -Well, this place sorta reminds me of something. What's that? -What's that? """It's a Wonderful Life.""" -"""It's a Wonderful Life.""" The Jimmy Stewart picture? I remember that one. Saw it over at the Bijou. So, you remember that, huh? -The Jimmy Stewart picture? I remember that one. Saw it over at the Bijou. So, you remember that, huh? """It's a Wonderful Life?""" -"""It's a Wonderful Life?""" Or the Bijou. Either one. -Or the Bijou. Either one. I remember the picture... but I don't remember where I saw it. -C'mon, I'll give you two a lift back to the Bijou. The Bijou? -Well, no, but these gentlemen would like to get some answers... I don't know what else to tell you. I wasn't hiding out. I hit my head and I didn't remember anything until a few days ago. -Luke, you probably don't remember me, Roscoe Fitts, I'm the grocer here in town. Good to meet you. Again. -Good to meet you. Again. Like Ernie said, we're all glad to have you back. -Like Ernie said, we're all glad to have you back. Thanks. -Thanks. And I hear you and Harry are planning on re-opening the Bijou. -And I hear you and Harry are planning on re-opening the Bijou. We're gonna try. Place needs a lot of work. -We're gonna try. Place needs a lot of work. I can only imagine. You know, I spoke with your Dad last year about maybe taking the Bijou off his hands. I don't think he gave it very much thought. -I can only imagine. You know, I spoke with your Dad last year about maybe taking the Bijou off his hands. I don't think he gave it very much thought. Well, he loves the place. It's his home. -Well, he loves the place. It's his home. Luke, I'm hopping you can help him see the reality of the situation. I'll come to the point. I want to buy the property, and I'm prepared to offer six-thousand dollars for it. And that's just for the property, mind you. If you want, I'll leave it to you and your father to dismantle and liquidate the building for whatever salvage value it has, and you keep those proceeds. I just want the land. -Luke, I'm hopping you can help him see the reality of the situation. I'll come to the point. I want to buy the property, and I'm prepared to offer six-thousand dollars for it. And that's just for the property, mind you. If you want, I'll leave it to you and your father to dismantle and liquidate the building for whatever salvage value it has, and you keep those proceeds. I just want the land. That's... well, that's very generous, but if you've already got a store...? -That's... well, that's very generous, but if you've already got a store...? The days of the storefront grocery are numbered. I plan on putting up a free-standing supermarket. -The days of the storefront grocery are numbered. I plan on putting up a free-standing supermarket. A super market. Huh. -A super market. Huh. You think it over. No reason to risk financial ruin for the sake of a crumbling old building. -So... you do intend to fix the place up after all? Mr. Fitts, with all due respect, I think Lawson needs the Bijou a bit more than it needs a super market. And I think Lawson deserves the Bijou. There's not a lot that can be done to help us get past the pain we've all felt... -Excuse me... what's your, um, your name? Harry, son. Harry. -Harry, son. Harry. And... what's my name again? -And... what's my name again? "Albert Lucas Trumbo. But you've been ""Luke"" since you were a baby." -"Albert Lucas Trumbo. But you've been ""Luke"" since you were a baby." Ah. Luke. Luke. I like it. -You never came back from the war. We were told you were missing and presumed dead. When did I leave? -When did I leave? You joined up one month to the day after Pearl Harbor. January seventh... nineteen forty-two. -Nine and-a-half years ago. Nine and-a-half years... -Wait'll you see the inside! Can't wait. -We've been closed for a while. Ah. -Exactly how long has the Bijou been closed? Hmmmm... after you left, it was difficult, and then Lily -- that's your mother -- she took ill and died... we haven't shown a picture since forty-eight. -Hmmmm... after you left, it was difficult, and then Lily -- that's your mother -- she took ill and died... we haven't shown a picture since forty-eight. Why? -Why? "Well, after the war, with so many of the town's boys killed, people around here didn't much feel like going to the movies, I guess. Some of 'em moved away -- Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Francisco. Wasn't much to keep 'em here, I expect. And now with this ""television"" thing -- people just aren't going out as much as they used to." -"Well, after the war, with so many of the town's boys killed, people around here didn't much feel like going to the movies, I guess. Some of 'em moved away -- Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Francisco. Wasn't much to keep 'em here, I expect. And now with this ""television"" thing -- people just aren't going out as much as they used to." Didn't you have any help? -Didn't you have any help? Oh, I had Irene and Old Tim but they really couldn't help much. Broke their hearts when we closed up. Broke mine, too. But now that you're back, well, things will be different around here, that's for sure. C'mon, I'll show you where we live. -That's Lily. Your mother, rest her soul. Mother. She's beautiful. -Mother. She's beautiful. Well, yes, that she was. She certainly made this place a home. -They couldn't wait to see you. Who... are they? -Who... are they? This is the staff of the Bijou. -This is the staff of the Bijou. Oh. What... what time is it? -Oh. What... what time is it? Six-thirty. I thought we'd get an early start. -I promised him a new uniform when we re-opened. And you'll get one, too. You know, I hate to bring this up, but screens and uniforms and paint and repairs are going to take money, which I'm willing to bet none of us has. -Um... Harry? Did I ever keep the books here? No, your mother did, then I did after she passed. -No, your mother did, then I did after she passed. Well, I'm the first one to admit that I don't know anything about bookkeeping, but there are some very interesting things in here. -"""February 10, 1942. Picture 'Ball of Fire.'""" Gary Cooper. And Barbara Stanwyck. Yowsa. -Gary Cooper. And Barbara Stanwyck. Yowsa. """Eight p.m. showtime, ninety-six admissions, receipts including concessions, $84.75... plus one fryer and two-dozen eggs.""" -Yes? """one fryer and two-dozen eggs?""" -"""one fryer and two-dozen eggs?""" Forty-two was a lean year around here. The war had just started... you were gone less than a month... and we were coming off a bit of a drought as I recall. Not everyone could ante up the price of a ticket, and a chicken's as good as money if you ask me. At that time, it meant a lot to the folks around here to be able to come to the pictures. -Forty-two was a lean year around here. The war had just started... you were gone less than a month... and we were coming off a bit of a drought as I recall. Not everyone could ante up the price of a ticket, and a chicken's as good as money if you ask me. At that time, it meant a lot to the folks around here to be able to come to the pictures. Yeah, I know, but poultry...? -Yeah, I know, but poultry...? I know it's hard to believe, son, but this place, this little place this wasn't a theater then, this was a palace! Any man, woman, child, you, me, it didn't matter, you bought your ticket and you walked in and you... -But I... Son, I think you loved the Bijou even more than I did. You've got to remember that. You've got to. -Ernie. ... Ernie. -"Carl. Friend of yours from high school. Everybody calls him ""Cueball.""" Oh, hi Cue... Carl. Sorry. -I'll be home in a little while, Harry. Don't wait up. You two have a lot of catching up to do, I guess. -You two have a lot of catching up to do, I guess. You bet. -You bet. Goodnight, son. 'Night, Delly. -Well... Yes? -Yes? Between a new screen, paint, plumbing for the concession stand, and about a hundred other repairs around the theater... it's going to cost at least nine hundred dollars to get the Bijou into shape to open up. -And you have sixty-eight dollars and thirty-seven cents in the bank. Your only source of income are my veteran's death benefit of forty dollars a month, to which you're no longer entitled since I'm alive, and these ten dollar a month cash deposits you make. What are those? They're... -Why don't you two get out there and dance? Oh, no, I... -Beautiful, wasn't it? Yes. -Yes. Well, son, I wish I could've shown you more, but this is all that's left. Just this one reel that never got sent back from a picture we showed here a long time ago. Nineteen twenty-five, to be exact... -Well, son, I wish I could've shown you more, but this is all that's left. Just this one reel that never got sent back from a picture we showed here a long time ago. Nineteen twenty-five, to be exact... Dad, I... -Dad, I... Ha! -Ha! ... what? -... what? "You know, since you've been back, that's the first time you've called me ""Dad.""" -Luke... what time is it? Six-thirty. I thought we'd get an early start. -Jesus... The film broke... -The film broke... I know, I know... keep still. -I'm here. Did you... did you... -Did you... did you... Did I what? -Did I what? Did you fix the damn film? It broke in the last reel. -Did you fix the damn film? It broke in the last reel. I know. Everyone went home. We offered them refunds. -I know. Everyone went home. We offered them refunds. Anybody take it? -Anybody take it? A few. -A few. Vultures... -I'm not happy about this, mind you, but if I have to go, at least I'm going in my own bed, the same bed my Lily died in, and... knowing that my son is alive. That's not too shabby, is it? You're not going anywhere, Harry. -You're not going anywhere, Harry. Don't tell me, I know about these things. I've seen it before. It's all right. It's... all right. You're here. Oh, God, I love you, son. -Pete. You think maybe you've had enough? Bought the bottle, didn't I? To the United States of America. Long my she wave. -Thanks, Jerry. Tell me something. What. -What. You tight with J. Edgar Hoover? -You tight with J. Edgar Hoover? The G-man? -The G-man? Zackly. -Zackly. Pete, if J. Edgar Hoover walked in here wearing a dress, I wouldn't know him. -Pete, if J. Edgar Hoover walked in here wearing a dress, I wouldn't know him. Too bad. He says I'm a communist. -Too bad. He says I'm a communist. You should watch what you say. You don't know who's listening. -You should watch what you say. You don't know who's listening. You know I'm not a communist, don't you, Jer? -You know I'm not a communist, don't you, Jer? Sure, I suppose. That why you're on a bender? -Sure, I suppose. That why you're on a bender? This is not a bender yet. This is the start of a bender. But I can see how you were confused, they look a lot alike. -Pete... go home. Come on, I'll call that girlfriend of yours, what's her name... Sandy? Sandra Sinclair. -Sandra Sinclair. Gimmee her number, I'll have her pick you up. -Gimmee her number, I'll have her pick you up. Sandra Sinclair. Wanna know her real name? Bella Iskowitz. No one's who they really are, Jer. Everyone's someone else. Even you. Even me. Especially me. I'm Peter Appleton, the communist who's not really a communist. -Sandra Sinclair. Wanna know her real name? Bella Iskowitz. No one's who they really are, Jer. Everyone's someone else. Even you. Even me. Especially me. I'm Peter Appleton, the communist who's not really a communist. I wanna close up soon. C'mon, let's call her. -Nope. Can't. We're through. Then I'll call you a cab. -Then I'll call you a cab. I'll save you the trouble. I'm a cab. There. Did it myself. -'Sides, car's right outside. I'll be seein' ya, Jer. Pete... -Any idea how you got here, son? No, sir. -Been drinkin' a bit, have we? I don't remember. I guess so. Smells like it. Tastes like it. -I don't remember. I guess so. Smells like it. Tastes like it. Well, you've been wet to the skin. You must've fallen in. -Well, you've been wet to the skin. You must've fallen in. I guess I did. -I guess I did. Lucky you got out, that water's got quite a pull, and it empties straight into the ocean. -Here, one of mine. Thanks. -Do you remember if you were driving a car? Maybe you went over the bridge. No guard rail there, it's easy to do. It's happened before. It's possible. I just don't remember. -It's possible. I just don't remember. And you don't know your name or who you are, that right? -And you don't know your name or who you are, that right? I... no, I... I just can't... -I... no, I... I just can't... It's okay, son. We just need to call you something. That's all. -What is it? Call me... Ishmael? -Call me... Ishmael? "Well, at least you remember ""Moby Dick.""" -That's me and my daughter Adele. My pride and joy. Charms the fish right out of the lake, she does. She's very pretty. -She's very pretty. Thanks. Well, Sheriff's on his way over, and maybe we can get to the bottom of who you are... -... sorry 'bout that, but you do look familiar to me. Wish I could say the same thing. -That's where you live. We live in a theater? -Evening, Luke. Evening, Doctor Lardner. -What's wrong? Uh, no... just seeing you standing there, it reminded me... there's a word for it... -Uh, no... just seeing you standing there, it reminded me... there's a word for it... Oh, you mean the suit. Harry kept all my old clothes. Fits okay, but it's a little big. -You kids off to the dance? Aren't you coming? -Aren't you coming? No, I'm not much of a dancer. -It's a pretty massive heart attack. His lungs have filled with fluid, and, well... it seems as though his body is just... shutting down. Can we get him to the hospital? -Can we get him to the hospital? Even if we could, and the move didn't kill him, there'd be very little we could do there that we can't do here. I'm sorry. -You smell gas? Don't smell nothin'. He must not be dead in here. -Don't smell nothin'. He must not be dead in here. Jesus. -Jesus. Hey, it's the best way to tell. -You think he's drunk somewhere? Wouldn't blame him if he was. -Wouldn't blame him if he was. Well, his rent's past due and he said to call you in case of an emergency. He lose his job or somethin'? -Well, his rent's past due and he said to call you in case of an emergency. He lose his job or somethin'? What's his rent? -What's his rent? Thirty a month. -Here's three months rent, and a ten spot for no more questions and to keep an eye on his place. Now, I need a moment alone. Huh? -Huh? Take a hike. Am-scray. -Take a hike. Am-scray. Huh? Oh, sure. Just pull the door shut when you leave. -Peter, their hands are tied. You see that, don't you? I... I don't believe this. -I... I don't believe this. Are you saying it's a mistake, that you didn't go to any meetings? They say you did. -Are you saying it's a mistake, that you didn't go to any meetings? They say you did. "Who the hell is this ""they?""" -"Who the hell is this ""they?""" "Congress, the FBI, Red Channels, it don't matter who the hell ""they"" is. ""They"" know who ""they"" are, that's all that matters. Now, did you go to any meetings?" -"Congress, the FBI, Red Channels, it don't matter who the hell ""they"" is. ""They"" know who ""they"" are, that's all that matters. Now, did you go to any meetings?" No. Yeah... I... I don't know. Maybe I did. Leo, this was before Pearl Harbor. I was in college. It was a bunch of kids, and I was just one of 'em. I didn't believe in what they were saying. Hell, I didn't even know what they were saying! -No. Yeah... I... I don't know. Maybe I did. Leo, this was before Pearl Harbor. I was in college. It was a bunch of kids, and I was just one of 'em. I didn't believe in what they were saying. Hell, I didn't even know what they were saying! So, you're saying that it's true. You went to a meeting of a known communist organization. -So, you're saying that it's true. You went to a meeting of a known communist organization. Leo, I was trying to impress a skirt. You know me, I'm non- political. Republican, Democrat, Communist, there's not a dime's worth of difference between 'em anyway. -Leo, I was trying to impress a skirt. You know me, I'm non- political. Republican, Democrat, Communist, there's not a dime's worth of difference between 'em anyway. You should watch what you say. -You should watch what you say. I don't know who fingered me, but I'm not a communist! -I don't know who fingered me, but I'm not a communist! Kid, that cuts no ice with them. -Kid, that cuts no ice with them. What? That I'm accused of being a communist when I don't happen to be one? -What? That I'm accused of being a communist when I don't happen to be one? They know you were at that meeting, Peter. They've been told, and they know. -They know you were at that meeting, Peter. They've been told, and they know. "Leo, you're my agent. Tell ""them"" to take a flyin' piss. I didn't do anything wrong. I fought in the war, for crissakes!" -"Leo, you're my agent. Tell ""them"" to take a flyin' piss. I didn't do anything wrong. I fought in the war, for crissakes!" Fought? Come on, Pete, you ran the PX at Fort Dix. -Fought? Come on, Pete, you ran the PX at Fort Dix. I was decorated. -I was decorated. I know. A Purple Heart. -I know. A Purple Heart. Exactly. -Exactly. You broke your arm. You were coming out of a bar. You were drunk. -You broke your arm. You were coming out of a bar. You were drunk. At least I was on our side! Look, they want me to testify? I'll testify. I'll tell 'em anything they want to hear! Jesus, Leo, this is my career! -At least I was on our side! Look, they want me to testify? I'll testify. I'll tell 'em anything they want to hear! Jesus, Leo, this is my career! You can't testify. -You can't testify. Why not? -They don't want you to testify because you're not a big enough fish for them. They just don't want you writing pictures for now. That's all. Yeah, well, that's enough. -Yeah, well, that's enough. Peter, I believe in you. More to the point, I read your new script... um... -Peter, I believe in you. More to the point, I read your new script... um... """Ashes To Ashes?""" -"""Ashes To Ashes?""" "That's the one, ""Ashes To Ashes."" I think it's great. But it'll never get made with this communist business hanging over your head. You can't work until you're cleared -- and believe me, starting right now, I'm gonna do everything I can to make that happen." -"That's the one, ""Ashes To Ashes."" I think it's great. But it'll never get made with this communist business hanging over your head. You can't work until you're cleared -- and believe me, starting right now, I'm gonna do everything I can to make that happen." So, it is a blacklist. -So, it is a blacklist. Don't say that. There is no such thing as a blacklist. Now, are you gonna play ball? -Don't say that. There is no such thing as a blacklist. Now, are you gonna play ball? Yes. Leo, goddammit... this isn't fair! -The FBI can't arrest you, because you haven't done anything wrong. Well, that's a relief. I understand they usually don't let that stop them. -Well, that's a relief. I understand they usually don't let that stop them. However... you're gonna be subpoenaed to testify before the Un-American Activities Committee when they open hearings in Los Angeles. Now, if you play ball and tell them what they want to hear, they'll clear you. -However... you're gonna be subpoenaed to testify before the Un-American Activities Committee when they open hearings in Los Angeles. Now, if you play ball and tell them what they want to hear, they'll clear you. And I won't be a communist anymore. -And I won't be a communist anymore. Exactly. -Exactly. So it doesn't make any difference that I'm not one now, and have never been one. -Next time, it might be the FBI. The time after that, it might be the President. But it'll always be someone. Count on it. That's not the country Luke fought for. -That's not the country Luke fought for. Lest we forget, Peter, your own military career was somewhat less illustrious than Luke's. -Lest we forget, Peter, your own military career was somewhat less illustrious than Luke's. It's wrong, Leo. -It's wrong, Leo. Peter, don't let that stop you all of a sudden. -That was quite a show you gave them today. We shoulda sold tickets. I'm not sorry for what I said. -I'm not sorry for what I said. No, of course not, why should you be sorry? You're the new Peter Appleton. You exercised your rights as a solid citizen, first amendment, freedom of speech, all that. Very noble. -Cigarette? No thanks. -When'd you quit smoking? Luke didn't smoke. -Luke didn't smoke. Oh, I see. But you're not Luke. You're Peter Appleton, the picture writer. -Oh, I see. But you're not Luke. You're Peter Appleton, the picture writer. Not any more. -Not any more. Why not? -Why not? Leo, you were in there, you saw what I did. You think they're gonna let me write pictures? Hell, they're probably gonna throw my ass in jail. -Leo, you were in there, you saw what I did. You think they're gonna let me write pictures? Hell, they're probably gonna throw my ass in jail. Not at all. -Not at all. Besides, I don't even know if I want to write anymore. -Besides, I don't even know if I want to write anymore. What, you're going to go back to that hick town and run the projector and marry the doctor's daughter? -Peter, I'm an agent. I buy lunches and get deals made for guys like you. That's what I do. You're a writer. You write pictures. That's what you do. And trust me, you'll be back doing it again tomorrow morning. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Kid, you gave them what they wanted. This committee, it feeds on names. The more names, the better. But for some high-profile witnesses, like yourself, any name will do. -Kid, you gave them what they wanted. This committee, it feeds on names. The more names, the better. But for some high-profile witnesses, like yourself, any name will do. Leo, I didn't give them the names. I wouldn't do that. -Leo, I didn't give them the names. I wouldn't do that. "What, all of a sudden, ""Lucille Angstrom"" isn't a name?" -Her name was right there in front of them. They gave it to me, I didn't give it to them. Well, that's not what they think. -Well, that's not what they think. Leo, she was... she was a girl I knew in college... -Leo, she was... she was a girl I knew in college... "You should keep track of your old school chums. Turns out she eventually joined the communist party. On top of which, she's Lucy Angstrom Hirschfeld now, and she happens to be a writer for ""Studio One"" on CBS." -"You should keep track of your old school chums. Turns out she eventually joined the communist party. On top of which, she's Lucy Angstrom Hirschfeld now, and she happens to be a writer for ""Studio One"" on CBS." Oh god, oh, god, no, I... -Oh god, oh, god, no, I... So, our lawyers had a talk with the Committee's lawyers. That Elvin Clyde fella won't be too happy about it, but we cut a deal. They cleared you -- and they're gonna thank you publicly for your testimony purging yourself. -So, our lawyers had a talk with the Committee's lawyers. That Elvin Clyde fella won't be too happy about it, but we cut a deal. They cleared you -- and they're gonna thank you publicly for your testimony purging yourself. Thank me publicly? For what? For ruining this woman's life? -Thank me publicly? For what? For ruining this woman's life? Climb down off your cross. They already knew about her. She was subpoenaed six months ago! Who the hell do you think named you? -I haven't danced with another man since Mr. Terwilliger passed. When was that? -When was that? Nineteen-oh-nine. -That was beautiful. I taught you that. -I taught you that. I can play the piano? -I can play the piano? "Oh dear, yes. You were an excellent student, before all that clarinet nonsense. You loved Chopin. You used to call it ""heaven music."" ""Teach me some heaven music,"" you used to say." -Sit. Play with me. No, I... -No, I... Some of it might come back to you. -Luke! Luke, something's wrong! The film broke, and I can't raise Harry on the house phone! What? -What? You've got to talk to them before they tear the theater apart! -Is there a young Tim? No. -No. "Well, then, why do they call you ""Old Tim?""" -Found me. Yeah. I hope you don't mind. I didn't know anyone lived here... well, besides Harry. And me. -So I guess this fellow belongs to you. What's his name? Cat. -Cat. Cat. That's simple. I like it. Hi, Cat. -Cat. That's simple. I like it. Hi, Cat. We thought you was dead, you know. It's okay that I live here? -We thought you was dead, you know. It's okay that I live here? Of course. -T-t-thank you. Thank you. I... I always... I always wanted to wear my uniform from the Great War, but your daddy, he always said no, that's not an usher's u-u-uniform, that's an army uniform and the Bijou, she's not the army. They give me a medal, but I lost it in the h-h-hospital. I forget things sometimes. Since the w-w-war. Yeah... me too. -That's my r-r-rent. Oh. -Can I... Can I t-t-talk to you? Sure. Come on in. I was just packing. -Please, sit. Thanks. -They'll come back, you know. They'll all c-c-come back. The customers? I don't know... -The customers? I don't know... They will. They w-w-will. -Tim, I have to tell you something. Oh. -Oh. It's about me. -It's about me. Oh. -I'm... I'm not Luke. Luke is dead. He died in the war. He's not coming back, and I'm not him. I don't even belong here. This whole thing started out as an accident, and that's all it is. An accident. Oh... -Oh... My name isn't Luke. It's Peter. Peter Appleton. -Did you think I didn't kn-kn-know that? I thought you... -I thought you... I know more than you give me c-c- credit, that's for sure. Don't you see, it don't m-m-matter who you are? All that matters is what you g-g-gave us. And you can't take that away now. You're wrong, Peter Appleton. You do belong here. -Pete, there's time before the picture starts, you want to get some popcorn? You bet, honey. -What happened? What exactly did you hear? -What exactly did you hear? That you got let go. -That you got let go. I wasn't alone. Wasn't Frankie Ruskin directing the picture you're in? -I wasn't alone. Wasn't Frankie Ruskin directing the picture you're in? He was, but he got sick. We got a new director today. Why? -He was, but he got sick. We got a new director today. Why? Well, whatever Frankie's got, it's catching. -Well, whatever Frankie's got, it's catching. You mean, he was... let go, too? -You mean, he was... let go, too? They're saying I'm a communist, Sandy. But I'm not, you know that. I'm gonna fight 'em, and I'm gonna win, but I'll need your help. -Will you help me, Sandy? I'll have to think about this. I have to get back... I should go... -Ancestors? "Actually, my grandpap. But ""ancestors"" sounds better, don't it? Here." -I suppose. Thanks. You look familiar, fella. What's your name? -They all know you? 'Course they all know me. And I know all them. Town's got my name, don't it? -Ernie Cole here just got himself elected mayor. Lost both his boys in the war. Kenny at Anzio and Willie at Normandy. The war... -The war... Mabel over there at the diner lost her husband Max. Okinawa, I believe. -You hungry, son? Yes. Very. -Yes. Very. Got any money? -Said as much myself, Doc. Can't place him, though. To look at him, you'd think the cheese slid off his cracker. Well, morning's half-over. I'm off. Thank you, Mr. Lawson. -Thank you, Mr. Lawson. Don't mention it. Whoever-you-are. -Now that you remember who you are, were you planning on telling anyone your true identity? I already have. -I already have. Who? -Who? My girlfriend. If she still is... -My girlfriend. If she still is... Would that be Miss Sinclair? -Would that be Miss Sinclair? No. No, not Miss Sinclair. I'm talking about Adele Lardner. -Mr. Appleton, I have reason to believe you're holding something back, and that just rubs me the wrong way. Sir, are you a communist? No. Absolutely not. -No. Absolutely not. All right. All right. We'll see. -Miss Hayworth? Yes? -Yes? I'm Melanie Daniels. I'm sorry to bother you, but... -Yes? The man at the post office sent me. He said you'd know the name of the little Brenner girl. -The man at the post office sent me. He said you'd know the name of the little Brenner girl. Cathy? -Cathy? The one who lives in the white house across the bay? -The one who lives in the white house across the bay? That's the one. Cathy Brenner. -That's the one. Cathy Brenner. They seemed sure it was either Alice or Lois. -They seemed sure it was either Alice or Lois. Which is why the mail in this town never gets delivered to the right place. Did you want to see Cathy about something? -Are you a friend of Mitch's? No, not really. -I've been wanting a cigarette for the past twenty minutes, but I couldn't convince myself to stop. This 'tilling of the soil' can get a little compulsive, you know. It's a lovely garden. -It's a lovely garden. Thank you. It gives me something to do with my spare time. There's a lot of spare time in Bodega Bay. Did you plan on staying long? -Thank you. It gives me something to do with my spare time. There's a lot of spare time in Bodega Bay. Did you plan on staying long? No. Just a few hours. -No. Just a few hours. You're leaving after you see Cathy? -You're leaving after you see Cathy? Well... something like that. I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound so mysterious. -Well... something like that. I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound so mysterious. Actually, it's none of my business. -Did you drive up from San Francisco? Yes. -Yes. It's a nice drive. Is that where you met Mitch? -It's a nice drive. Is that where you met Mitch? Yes. -Yes. I guess that's where everyone meets him. -Do I? No, I'm an open book, I'm afraid. Or maybe a closed one. Pretty. What are they? Lovebirds. -Mmm. Well, good luck, Miss Daniels. Thank you. -Oh, hi! Did you find her all right? Yes, I did. -I was wondering... Yes? -Yes? That sign. Do you think I could have the room for a single night? -That sign. Do you think I could have the room for a single night? Well, I'd really hope to rent it for... -Well, I'd really hope to rent it for... I would appreciate it. I've tried everywhere in town, and they're all full. -I would appreciate it. I've tried everywhere in town, and they're all full. Sure. You can have it. Where's your bag? In the car? -It's utilitarian, I'll say that for it. I just picked up some things for the night at the general store. You see, I hadn't planned on spending much time here. -I just picked up some things for the night at the general store. You see, I hadn't planned on spending much time here. Yes, I know. Did something unexpected crop up? -Miss Daniels? Is that you? Yes. -Hi. Is something wrong? Is that cut beginning to bother you? No, it's not the cut that's bothering me. -No, it's not the cut that's bothering me. Would you like some brandy? -Would you like some brandy? If you have some, I'd... -If you have some, I'd... I'll get it, sit down, Miss Daniels. Do you want a sweater or something? A quilt? -No, thank you. Won't you call me Melanie? All right. -Thank you. It gets a little chilly here at night sometimes. Especially if you're over near the bay. -Or would you rather I changed the subject? I think so. -I think so. How do you like our little hamlet? -How do you like our little hamlet? I despise it. -I despise it. Well, I don't suppose it offers much to the casual visitor. Unless you're thrilled by a collection of shacks on a hillside. It takes a while to get used to. -Well, I don't suppose it offers much to the casual visitor. Unless you're thrilled by a collection of shacks on a hillside. It takes a while to get used to. Where are you from originally, Annie? -Where are you from originally, Annie? San Francisco. -San Francisco. How'd you happen to come here? -How'd you happen to come here? Oh, someone invited me up for the weekend a long time ago. -I guess you knew that, anyway. I suspected as much. -I suspected as much. You needn't worry. It's over and done with. A long time ago. -You needn't worry. It's over and done with. A long time ago. Annie -- there's nothing between Mitch and me. -Annie -- there's nothing between Mitch and me. Isn't there? Maybe there isn't. Maybe there's never anything between Mitch and any girl. -Isn't there? Maybe there isn't. Maybe there's never anything between Mitch and any girl. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I think I'll have some of that, too. I was seeing quite a lot of him in San Francisco, you know. And then, one weekend, he asked me up to meet Lydia. -I think I'll have some of that, too. I was seeing quite a lot of him in San Francisco, you know. And then, one weekend, he asked me up to meet Lydia. When was this? -When was this? Four years ago. Of course, that was shortly after his father died. Things may be different now. -Four years ago. Of course, that was shortly after his father died. Things may be different now. Different? -Different? With Lydia. Did she seem a trifle distant? -With Lydia. Did she seem a trifle distant? A trifle. -A trifle. Then maybe it isn't different at all. You know, her attitude nearly drove me crazy. I simply couldn't understand it. -Then maybe it isn't different at all. You know, her attitude nearly drove me crazy. I simply couldn't understand it. When I got back to San Francisco I spent days trying to figure out just what I'd done to displease her. -When I got back to San Francisco I spent days trying to figure out just what I'd done to displease her. And what had you done? -And what had you done? Nothing! I simply existed. So what was the answer? A jealous woman, right? A clinging possessive mother. Wrong. With all due respect to Oedipus, I don't think that was the case at all. -Nothing! I simply existed. So what was the answer? A jealous woman, right? A clinging possessive mother. Wrong. With all due respect to Oedipus, I don't think that was the case at all. Then what was it? -Then what was it? Lydia liked me, you see. That was the strange part of it. In fact, now that I'm no longer a threat, we're very good friends. -Lydia liked me, you see. That was the strange part of it. In fact, now that I'm no longer a threat, we're very good friends. Then why did she object to you? -Then why did she object to you? Because she was afraid. -Because she was afraid. Afraid you'd take Mitch? -Afraid you'd take Mitch? Afraid I'd give Mitch. -Afraid I'd give Mitch. I don't understand. -I don't understand. Afraid of any woman who'd give Mitch the only thing Lydia can give him -- love. -Afraid of any woman who'd give Mitch the only thing Lydia can give him -- love. Annie, that adds up to a jealous, possessive woman. -Annie, that adds up to a jealous, possessive woman. No, I don't think so. She's not afraid of losing her son, you see. She's only afraid of being abandoned. -No, I don't think so. She's not afraid of losing her son, you see. She's only afraid of being abandoned. Someone ought to tell her she'd be gaining a daughter. -Someone ought to tell her she'd be gaining a daughter. She already has a daughter. -She already has a daughter. What about Mitch? Didn't he have anything to say about this? -What about Mitch? Didn't he have anything to say about this? I can understand his position. He went through a lot with Lydia after his father died. He didn't want to risk going through it all over again. -I can understand his position. He went through a lot with Lydia after his father died. He didn't want to risk going through it all over again. I see. -I see. So it ended. Not immediately, of course. I went back to San Francisco, and I still saw Mitch every now and then... but we both knew it was finished. -So it ended. Not immediately, of course. I went back to San Francisco, and I still saw Mitch every now and then... but we both knew it was finished. Then what are you doing here in Bodega Bay? -Then what are you doing here in Bodega Bay? You get straight to the point, don't you? -You get straight to the point, don't you? I'm sorry. Forgive me. -I'm sorry. Forgive me. No, that's all right, I don't mind. I came up here for two reasons. To begin with, I was bored with my job in San Francisco. I was teaching at a private school there... well, you know, you probably went to one yourself. -No, that's all right, I don't mind. I came up here for two reasons. To begin with, I was bored with my job in San Francisco. I was teaching at a private school there... well, you know, you probably went to one yourself. I did. -I did. Then you know. Little girls in brown beanies. Deadly. Here I have a life. I'll go into that classroom on Monday morning, and I'll look out at twenty- five upturned little faces, and each of them will be saying, 'Yes, please give me what you have.' And I'll give them what I have. I haven't got very much, but I'll give them every ounce of it. To me, that's very important. It makes me want to stay alive for a long long time. That's the first reason. -Then you know. Little girls in brown beanies. Deadly. Here I have a life. I'll go into that classroom on Monday morning, and I'll look out at twenty- five upturned little faces, and each of them will be saying, 'Yes, please give me what you have.' And I'll give them what I have. I haven't got very much, but I'll give them every ounce of it. To me, that's very important. It makes me want to stay alive for a long long time. That's the first reason. And the second? -And the second? I wanted to be near Mitch. It was over, and I knew it, but I wanted to be near him, anyway. You see, I still like him a hell of a lot. That's rare, I think. I don't want to lose his friendship... ever. -He wants me to go to Cathy's party tomorrow afternoon. I said I would. I'll be going, too, to help out. It should be fun, Melanie. -I'll be going, too, to help out. It should be fun, Melanie. It seems so pointless. I think I'll go to sleep. This has been a busy day. My luggage. -Do you think I should go? That's up to you. -That's up to you. It's really up to Lydia, isn't it? -It's really up to Lydia, isn't it? Never mind Lydia. Do you want to go? -Never mind Lydia. Do you want to go? Yes. -Yes. Then go. -Is anyone there? Look. -Look. Ohhh. Oh, the poor thing. He probably lost his way in the dark. -He got a call from Dan Fawcett a little while ago. His chickens won't eat, either. It's what you said, Mom. Mr. Brinkmeyer's feed is no good. -It's what you said, Mom. Mr. Brinkmeyer's feed is no good. No, Cathy. He sold Mr. Fawcett a different brand. You don't think they're getting sick, do you, Mitch? -Mitch knows lots of people in San Francisco. Of course, they're mostly hoods. Cathy! -Cathy! Well, Mom, he's the first to admit it. He spends half his day in the detention cells at the Hall of Justice. -Well, Mom, he's the first to admit it. He spends half his day in the detention cells at the Hall of Justice. In a democracy, Cathy, everyone is entitled to a fair trial. Your brother's practice... -In a democracy, Cathy, everyone is entitled to a fair trial. Your brother's practice... Mom, please, I know all the democracy jazz. They're still hoods. He's got a client now who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times, can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it, don't you think? -Yes, I did. Just listen to them! -Mother! If your father were here... -Mitch, can I bring the lovebirds in here? No! -No! Mom, they're in a cage! -Mom, they're in a cage! They're birds! -They haven't harmed anyone. Take them. -Miss Daniels? Yes? -They're beautiful! They're just what I wanted! Is there a man and a woman? I can't tell which is which. Well, I suppose... -I still don't understand how you knew I wanted lovebirds. Your brother told me. -Is smoking fun? Oh, I suppose so. -Oh, I suppose so. Could I have a puff? -Could I have a puff? I don't think your mother would like that. -I don't think your mother would like that. Just a little one. -Why, it's just like air, isn't it? When I grow up, I'm gonna smoke like a chimney! I'll be eleven tomorrow, you know. I know. -I know. Are you coming to my party? -Are you coming to my party? I don't think so. I have to get back to San Francisco. -I don't think so. I have to get back to San Francisco. Don't you like us? -Don't you like us? Darling, of course I do! -Darling, of course I do! Don't you like Bodega Bay? -Don't you like Bodega Bay? I don't know yet. -I don't know yet. Mitch likes it very much. He comes up every weekend, you know, even though he has his own apartment in the city. He says San Francisco is just an ant hill at the foot of a bridge. -Mitch likes it very much. He comes up every weekend, you know, even though he has his own apartment in the city. He says San Francisco is just an ant hill at the foot of a bridge. I guess it does get a little hectic at times. -I guess it does get a little hectic at times. If you do decide to come, don't say I told you about it. It's supposed to be a surprise party. -Why didn't Annie stay for dinner? She said something about having to get home to take a call from her mother back East. -She said something about having to get home to take a call from her mother back East. Oh. Where d'you want the coffee? -Oh. Where d'you want the coffee? Take it into the living room, would you, hon? -Take it into the living room, would you, hon? What's the matter with them? -We've got an extra room upstairs and everything. That road can be a bad one at night, Melanie. -Yeah, but she'll be hitting all that traffic going back to San Francisco. Did you put the cover on that cage, Mom? -Mitch? Why are they doing this? The birds. I don't know, honey. -I don't know, honey. Why are they trying to kill people? -Why are they trying to kill people? I wish I could say. But if I could answer that, I could also tell you why people are trying to kill people. -Cathy! Get a blanket and some bandages! Is she all right? -Mitch, let's turn back. Shhh. Shhhhh. -Mitch? Do... do you think they'll be all right? In the trunk? Can they breath? I think they'll be all right, honey. -What? The little Brenner girl. -The little Brenner girl. Lois! -Lois! It's Alice, ain't it? -It's Alice, ain't it? No, it's Lois! -No, it's Lois! It's Alice. -Good morning. Morning. -Morning. I wonder if you could help me. -I wonder if you could help me. Try my best. -Try my best. I'm looking for a man named Mitchell Brenner. -I'm looking for a man named Mitchell Brenner. Yep. -Do you know him? Yep. -Yep. Where does he live? -Where does he live? Right here. Bodega Bay. -Right here. Bodega Bay. Yes, but where? -Yes, but where? Right across the bay there. -Right across the bay there. Where? -See where I'm pointing? Yes? -Yes? See them two big trees across there? -See them two big trees across there? Yes? -Yes? And the white house? -And the white house? That's where the Brenners live. -That's where the Brenners live. The Brenners? Mr. and Mrs. Brenner? -The Brenners? Mr. and Mrs. Brenner? Nope, just Lydia and the two kids. -Nope, just Lydia and the two kids. The two kids? -The two kids? Yep. Mitch and the little girl. -Yep. Mitch and the little girl. I see. How do I get down there? -I see. How do I get down there? Follow the road straight through town 'til it curves off on the left. That'll take you right around the bay to their front door. -Follow the road straight through town 'til it curves off on the left. That'll take you right around the bay to their front door. The front door. Isn't there a back road I can take? -The front door. Isn't there a back road I can take? Nope. That's the road. Straight through town, stay on your left, right around the bay to the front door. -Nope. That's the road. Straight through town, stay on your left, right around the bay to the front door. You see, I wanted to surprise them. -You see, I wanted to surprise them. Mmmm. -Mmmm. I didn't want to come right down the road, where they could see me. -I didn't want to come right down the road, where they could see me. Mmmm. -Mmmm. It's a surprise, you see. -It's a surprise, you see. Mmmmmm. 'Course, you could get yourself a boat, cut right across the bay with it. The Brenners got a little dock there you could tie up at. If that's what you wanted to do. -Mmmmmm. 'Course, you could get yourself a boat, cut right across the bay with it. The Brenners got a little dock there you could tie up at. If that's what you wanted to do. Where would I get a boat? -Where would I get a boat? Down at the dock by the Tides Restaurant. Ever handled an outboard boat? -Down at the dock by the Tides Restaurant. Ever handled an outboard boat? Of course. -Of course. D'you want me to order one for you? -D'you want me to order one for you? Thank you. -Thank you. What name? -What name? Daniels. -Daniels. Okay. -I wonder if you could tell me... Yep? -Yep? The little girl's name. -The little girl's name. The little Brenner girl? -The little Brenner girl? Yes. -Yes. Alice, I think. Harry, what's the little Brenner girl's name? -Are you sure? Well, I ain't positive, if that's what you mean. -Well, I ain't positive, if that's what you mean. I need her exact name, you see. -I need her exact name, you see. That case, I tell you what you do. You go straight through town 'til you see a little hotel on your left there. Not the motel, that's the other end of town. This is the hotel. Now you take a right turn there, you got that? -That case, I tell you what you do. You go straight through town 'til you see a little hotel on your left there. Not the motel, that's the other end of town. This is the hotel. Now you take a right turn there, you got that? Yes? -Yes? Near the top of the hill, you'll see the school and right behind it, the church. You head for the school. Now just past the school, you'll see a little house with a red mail box. That's where Annie Hayworth lives, she's the school teacher. You ask her about the little Brenner girl. -Near the top of the hill, you'll see the school and right behind it, the church. You head for the school. Now just past the school, you'll see a little house with a red mail box. That's where Annie Hayworth lives, she's the school teacher. You ask her about the little Brenner girl. Thank you. -Thank you. Yep. Could save yourself a lot of trouble. Her name's Alice for sure. -Yep. Could save yourself a lot of trouble. Her name's Alice for sure. Can I have the boat in about twenty minutes? -How much for the phone calls? It's nothing. -I don't see what difference it makes, Mrs. Bundy, crows or blackbirds. If they attacked the school, that's pretty serious. I hardly think either species would have the intelligence to launch a massed attack. Their brain pans aren't large enough for such... -Mrs. Bundy, you don't seem to understand. This young lady says there was an attack on the school. Impossible. -I didn't even know there were many crows in Bodega Bay this time of year. The crow is a permanent resident throughout its range. In fact, during our Christmas Count, we recorded... -Why not, Mrs. Bundy? Because there are 8,650 species of birds in the world today, Mr. Carter. It's estimated that five billion, seven hundred and fifty million birds live in the United States alone. The five continents of the world... -What good'll that do? Smoke's as bad as birds. Birds are not bad! -Deke, have you got a first aid kit back there? What happened? -What happened? Young woman cut herself. -Young woman cut herself. Shall I call the doctor? -Shall I call the doctor? I don't think it's that serious. You want to sit up here? -You cut yourself outside, Miss? Stop worrying, Deke. She was in a boat. -I had a man trip and fall in the parking lot once, sued me before I could bat an eyelash. I don't think Miss Daniels is going to sue anybody. -I don't think Miss Daniels is going to sue anybody. Well, you're the lawyer. -We don't have any fog this time of year, Mitch. We'll make our own fog. -Gulls! They're back! -Are you finished here, Sebastian? Let me have some apple pie, Helen. Who said anything about war? All I said was that some gulls... -Let me have some apple pie, Helen. Who said anything about war? All I said was that some gulls... One apple pie! You want more coffee? -One apple pie! You want more coffee? No. ...came down on one of my boats. They could have been after the fish, just as you said. -Here's your pie, Sebastian. You want it at the table? No. Here's fine. -No. Here's fine. Where are the Bloody Marys, Deke? -I thought I saw your car. What are you doing in town? I had to acknowledge a delivery. Mother, I'd like you to meet... -I had to acknowledge a delivery. Mother, I'd like you to meet... A what? -A what? Melanie Daniels. Melanie, my mother. -How do you do, Miss Daniels? Acknowledge a what? A delivery, Mother. Miss Daniels brought some birds from San Francisco. -Oh. I see. For Cathy. For her birthday. By the way, where is she? -For Cathy. For her birthday. By the way, where is she? Across at Brinkmeyer's. -Across at Brinkmeyer's. Miss Daniels is staying for the weekend. In fact, I've already invited her to dinner tonight. -You did say birds? Yes, lovebirds. We couldn't let you... -Yes, lovebirds. We couldn't let you... Lovebirds, I see. -Lovebirds, I see. ...get away without thanking you in some small way. After all, you haven't even met Cathy and you are staying for the weekend... -Seven o'clock, same as usual. I'll pick you up, Miss Daniels. Where are you staying? -There's nothing wrong with those chickens, Mitch. I'm going to call Fred Brinkmeyer right now. I don't know what good that'll do. Chickens won't eat. -He sold the feed to me, didn't he? Caviat emptor, Mother. Let the buyer beware. -Caviat emptor, Mother. Let the buyer beware. Whose side are you on? -Whose side are you on? I'm simply quoting the law. -I'm simply quoting the law. Never mind the law. Cathy, you can start serving the soup. -She's a charming girl, isn't she, Mitch? Yes, very. -Yes, very. And certainly pretty. -And certainly pretty. Yes. -Yes. How long have you known her? -How long have you known her? I told you. We met yesterday. -I told you. We met yesterday. In a bird shop. -In a bird shop. Yes. -Yes. She was selling birds. -She was selling birds. No. I only led her into believing I believed she was... Mother, it's really very complicated. -No. I only led her into believing I believed she was... Mother, it's really very complicated. But she did buy the lovebirds and then brought them all the way... -But she did buy the lovebirds and then brought them all the way... Mother, where did you go to law school? -Mother, where did you go to law school? Forgive me. I suppose I'm just naturally curious about a girl like that. She's very rich, isn't she? -Forgive me. I suppose I'm just naturally curious about a girl like that. She's very rich, isn't she? I suppose so. Her father owns a big newspaper in San Francisco. -I suppose so. Her father owns a big newspaper in San Francisco. You'd think he could manage to keep her name out of print. She's always mentioned in the columns, Mitch. -You'd think he could manage to keep her name out of print. She's always mentioned in the columns, Mitch. I know, Mother. -I know, Mother. She is the one who jumped into that fountain in Rome last summer, isn't she? -She is the one who jumped into that fountain in Rome last summer, isn't she? Yes, Mother. -Yes, Mother. Perhaps I'm old-fashioned. I know it was supposed to be very warm there, Mitch, but... well... actually... well, the newspaper said she was naked. -Perhaps I'm old-fashioned. I know it was supposed to be very warm there, Mitch, but... well... actually... well, the newspaper said she was naked. I know, Mother. -I know, Mother. It's none of my business, of course, but when you bring a girl like that to... -It's none of my business, of course, but when you bring a girl like that to... Mother? -Mother? Yes? -Yes? I think I can handle Melanie Daniels by myself. -I think I can handle Melanie Daniels by myself. Well... So long as you know what you want, Mitch. -Well... So long as you know what you want, Mitch. I know exactly what I want, Mother. -Well... well, is everyone all right? I think he got a little scratch, Mother. -Tell him about the party. That's right. We had a party here this afternoon for Cathy. Her birthday. -Did you you get the windows in the attic, Mitch? I got them all, Mother. -I got them all, Mother. When do you think they'll come? -When do you think they'll come? I don't know. -I don't know. If there are... larger birds, Mitch... they'll get into the house. -If there are... larger birds, Mitch... they'll get into the house. That's a chance we have to take. -That's a chance we have to take. Maybe we ought to leave. -Maybe we ought to leave. Not now. Not while they're massing out there. -Not now. Not while they're massing out there. When? -When? I don't know when. We'll see what... -I don't know when. We'll see what... Where will we go? -Where will we go? I don't know yet. I think we'll be safe here. Let's bring that wood in. -I don't know yet. I think we'll be safe here. Let's bring that wood in. What happens when we run out of wood? -I don't know. We'll break up the furni... You don't know, you don't know! When will you know? When we're all dead? Like Annie? -Mother! I'm trying my best! I'm... trying... my... I'm sorry, Mitch. -Mitch... Shhh. Shhh. -Mother, get a rope! Oh, my God, look at her! -Oh, my God, look at her! Get a rope! -I can handle it. I know you can. But I'd like to. -I'm not very good at this, Mitch. You're doing fine. -You're doing fine. I mean. I want to... -They're gone. The same pattern. But they'll be back. -But they'll be back. We won't be here. -We won't be here. Where can we go, Mitch? There's no place to go. -Where can we go, Mitch? There's no place to go. I want to try for San Francisco. There are buildings there. Steel and concrete! -I want to try for San Francisco. There are buildings there. Steel and concrete! We'd never make it. They're probably all over the road. -We'd never make it. They're probably all over the road. We have to try it. We can't stay here. Melanie needs help. Mother, the house won't take another attack. -We have to try it. We can't stay here. Melanie needs help. Mother, the house won't take another attack. If... If... when we get to San Francisco... If they're already there? -If... If... when we get to San Francisco... If they're already there? They won't be. -They won't be. If they are? -If they are? We'll worry about that when we get there. -We'll worry about that when we get there. I'm frightened, terribly frightened. I... I don't know what's out there, Mitch. -I'm frightened, terribly frightened. I... I don't know what's out there, Mitch. What do we have to know, Mother? We're all together, we all love each other, we all need each other. What else is there? Mother, I want us to stay alive! -What do we have to know, Mother? We're all together, we all love each other, we all need each other. What else is there? Mother, I want us to stay alive! I started to say... inside... -I started to say... inside... You don't have to. -Then you knew Mitch in San Francisco, is that right? No, not exactly. -If I go across to Santa Rosa I'll come onto the freeway much earlier. Yeah, and the freeway's well-lighted, isn't it, Mitch? -No, it's me, Mrs. Brenner. I thought you might like some tea. Oh, thank you. -Where's Mitch? Al Malone wanted him out at the Fawcett farm. -Al Malone wanted him out at the Fawcett farm. Why? Didn't Al believe my story? -Why? Didn't Al believe my story? He was calling from the farm, Mrs. Brenner. -He was calling from the farm, Mrs. Brenner. Then he saw. -Then he saw. He must have. He sent for the Santa Rosa police. -He must have. He sent for the Santa Rosa police. What good will they do? -Do you think Cathy's all right? What? -What? Cathy. At the school. -Yes, I'm sure she's fine. Do I sound foolish to you? -Do I sound foolish to you? No. -No. I keep seeing Dan Fawcett's face. They have such big windows at the school. All the windows were broken. In Dan's bedroom. All the windows. -I keep seeing Dan Fawcett's face. They have such big windows at the school. All the windows were broken. In Dan's bedroom. All the windows. Try not to think of that, Mrs. Brenner. -Try not to think of that, Mrs. Brenner. I wish I were a stronger person. There is a long awkward silence. She sips at her tea reflectively. -I wish I were a stronger person. There is a long awkward silence. She sips at her tea reflectively. I lost my husband four years ago, you know. It's odd how you depend on someone for strength, and then suddenly all the strength is gone, and you're alone. I'd love to relax some time. I'd love to be able to sleep. Do you think Cathy's all right? -I lost my husband four years ago, you know. It's odd how you depend on someone for strength, and then suddenly all the strength is gone, and you're alone. I'd love to relax some time. I'd love to be able to sleep. Do you think Cathy's all right? Annie's there. She'll be all right. -Annie's there. She'll be all right. I'm not this way, you know. Not usually. I don't fuss and fret over my children. When Frank died... You see, he knew the children, he really knew them. He had the knack of being able to enter into their world, of becoming a part of them. That's a rare talent. -I'm not this way, you know. Not usually. I don't fuss and fret over my children. When Frank died... You see, he knew the children, he really knew them. He had the knack of being able to enter into their world, of becoming a part of them. That's a rare talent. Yes. -Yes. I wish I could be that way. -I miss him. You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning, and I think 'I have to make Frank's breakfast,' and I... I get up and there's a... a very good reason for getting out of bed until... until, of course, I remember. I miss talking to him. Cathy's a child, you know, and Mitch... ...Mitch has his own life. I'm glad he stayed here today. I feel safer with him here. Would you like to rest now, Mrs. Brenner. -Would you like to rest now, Mrs. Brenner. No. No... don't go yet. I feel as if I... I don't understand you. And I want so much to understand. -No. No... don't go yet. I feel as if I... I don't understand you. And I want so much to understand. Why, Mrs. Brenner? -Why, Mrs. Brenner? Because my son is... My son seems to be fond of you. And I... I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I really don't know if I... like you or not. -Because my son is... My son seems to be fond of you. And I... I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I really don't know if I... like you or not. Is that so important, Mrs. Brenner? You liking me? -Is that so important, Mrs. Brenner? You liking me? Yes, I think so. My son is important to me. I want to like any girl he chooses. -Yes, I think so. My son is important to me. I want to like any girl he chooses. And if you don't? -And if you don't? Then I don't suppose it'll matter much to anyone but me. -Then I don't suppose it'll matter much to anyone but me. I think it might also matter to Mitch. -I think it might also matter to Mitch. Mitch has always done exactly what he wanted to do. I'm not complaining. That's the mark of a man. But... You see, I... I wouldn't want to be... be left alone. I don't think I could bear being left alone. I... forgive me. This business with the birds has me upset. I... I don't know what I'd do if Mitch weren't here. -Mitch has always done exactly what he wanted to do. I'm not complaining. That's the mark of a man. But... You see, I... I wouldn't want to be... be left alone. I don't think I could bear being left alone. I... forgive me. This business with the birds has me upset. I... I don't know what I'd do if Mitch weren't here. Why don't you try to sleep now, Mrs. Brenner. -Why don't you try to sleep now, Mrs. Brenner. I wish I were stronger. Do you think she's all right? Do you think she's safe at the school? -I wish I were stronger. Do you think she's all right? Do you think she's safe at the school? Would you like me to go for her? -Would you like me to go for her? I couldn't ask you to. -I couldn't ask you to. I don't mind, really. -I don't mind, really. Would you? I'd feel so much better. -Would you? I'd feel so much better. I'll just clear up here, and then dress. -That's the last of it. Did you close the door? -Did you close the door? And locked it. -Please don't mess me up with bandages, Mrs. Brenner. Shhhh. Shhhh. -Shhhh. Shhhh. Please. -That's a chimney swift, all right. We know what it is, Al. -Well, these birds live in chimneys, you know. Not by the thousands. -Not by the thousands. No, I gotta admit this is peculiar. Did you have a light burning or something. -No, I gotta admit this is peculiar. Did you have a light burning or something. Yes, but the curtains were drawn. -Yes, but the curtains were drawn. 'Cause sometimes birds are attracted by light, you know. Sure is a peculiar thing. -'Cause sometimes birds are attracted by light, you know. Sure is a peculiar thing. What are we going to do about it, Al? -What are we going to do about it, Al? I don't think I get you, Mitch. Do about what? -I don't think I get you, Mitch. Do about what? Well... Well... these birds attacked us. -What's more likely, they got in the room and was just panicked, that's all. All right, I'll grant you a bird'll panic in an enclosed room. But, they didn't just get in. They came in! Right down that chimney. -All right, I'll grant you a bird'll panic in an enclosed room. But, they didn't just get in. They came in! Right down that chimney. My wife found a bird in the back seat of her car once. -My wife found a bird in the back seat of her car once. Didn't know how he got in there. Had a broken leg, turned out. Just fluttering all around there. -Didn't know how he got in there. Had a broken leg, turned out. Just fluttering all around there. These birds were... -These birds were... What I'm trying to say, Mitch, is these things happen sometimes, you know? Ain't much we can do about it. -Oh, yeah, yeah. How old is she now? Eleven. In the middle of the party, some gulls came down at the children. And Miss Daniels was attacked by a gull just yesterday after... -Does this room look silly? No, you got quite a mess here, I'll admit that. Maybe you oughta put some screening on top of your chimney Seems a little pointless, though. Freak accident like this wouldn't happen again in a million years. You want some help cleaning up? -Well, if there's anything else I can do, Mitch... Thanks, Al. We'll be all right. -Thanks, Al. We'll be all right. Goodnight, Lydia. -He was killed last night. By birds. Now hold it, Mitch. You don't know that for a fact. -There's an ordinance against burning anything in this town, unless it's... We'll use smoke pots. Like the Army uses. -Is that for Mitch Brenner? Yes. -Yes. He's not home. -He's not home. That's all right. -He won't be back until Monday. I mean, if those birds are for him.... Monday? -Monday? Yes. I don't think you should leave them in the hall, do you? -Yes. I don't think you should leave them in the hall, do you? Well, I... -Well, where did he go? Bodega Bay. He goes up there every weekend. -Bodega Bay. He goes up there every weekend. Bodega Bay? Where's that? -Bodega Bay? Where's that? Up on the coast. About sixty miles north of here. -Up on the coast. About sixty miles north of here. Sixty... Oh. -Sixty... Oh. About an hour and a half on the freeway. Or two if you take the coast highway. -About an hour and a half on the freeway. Or two if you take the coast highway. Oh. -Oh. I'd hold the birds for him, but I'm going away myself. Someone's got to feed them, I suppose. -I'd hold the birds for him, but I'm going away myself. Someone's got to feed them, I suppose. Yes. Yes, someone's got to feed them. -Yes. Yes, someone's got to feed them. I'm awfully sorry. -I wonder if you could help me. What? -What? I said I wonder if you could help me. -Yes, what was it you were looking for, sir? Lovebirds. -Lovebirds. Lovebirds, sir? -Lovebirds, sir? Yes. I understand there are different varieties, it that true? -Yes. I understand there are different varieties, it that true? Well... yes, sir, there are. -Well... yes, sir, there are. These are for my sister... her birthday you see. As she'll be eleven and... well, frankly, I wouldn't want a pair of birds that were too demonstrative. -These are for my sister... her birthday you see. As she'll be eleven and... well, frankly, I wouldn't want a pair of birds that were too demonstrative. I understand completely, sir. -I understand completely, sir. As the same time, I wouldn't want birds that were aloof, either. -As the same time, I wouldn't want birds that were aloof, either. No, of course not. -No, of course not. Do you have a pair that are just friendly? -Do you have a pair that are just friendly? I think so, sir. Now then, let me see. -I think so, sir. Now then, let me see. Aren't these lovebirds? -Aren't these lovebirds? No, sir, those are... redbirds. -No, sir, those are... redbirds. The sign says strawberry finches. -The sign says strawberry finches. Yes, we call them that too. Ahhh, here we are, Lovebirds... -Yes, we call them that too. Ahhh, here we are, Lovebirds... Those are canaries, Miss. Doesn't this make you feel awful? -Those are canaries, Miss. Doesn't this make you feel awful? Doesn't what make me...? -Doesn't what make me...? All these innocent little creatures caged up like this? -All these innocent little creatures caged up like this? Well, we can't just let them fly around the shop, you know. -Well, we can't just let them fly around the shop, you know. I suppose not. Is there an ornithological reason for keeping them in separate cages? -I suppose not. Is there an ornithological reason for keeping them in separate cages? Oh, certainly. It's to protect the species. -Oh, certainly. It's to protect the species. I imagine that's very important. Especially during the moulting season. -I imagine that's very important. Especially during the moulting season. Yes, that's a particularly dangerous time. -Yes, that's a particularly dangerous time. Are they moulting now? -Are they moulting now? Some of them are. -Some of them are. How can you tell? -How can you tell? Well... they get a sort of hangdog expression. -Yes, I see. About those lovebirds, Miss... Are you sure you wouldn't like to see a canary instead? We have some very nice canaries this week. -Are you sure you wouldn't like to see a canary instead? We have some very nice canaries this week. All right. She smiles back. -What did you say? I was merely drawing a parallel, Miss Daniels. -I was merely drawing a parallel, Miss Daniels. But how... how do you know my name? -But how... how do you know my name? A little birdie told me. Good day, Miss Daniels. Madam. -A little birdie told me. Good day, Miss Daniels. Madam. Hey, wait a minute! -I don't know you. Ahhh, but I know you. -Ahhh, but I know you. How? -How? We met in court. -We met in court. We never met in court or anyplace else. -We never met in court or anyplace else. That's true. I'll rephrase it. I saw you in court. -That's true. I'll rephrase it. I saw you in court. When? -When? Do you remember one of your practical jokes that resulted in the smashing of a plate glass window? -Do you remember one of your practical jokes that resulted in the smashing of a plate glass window? I didn't break that window! -I didn't break that window! No, but your little prank did. The judge should have put you behind bars! -No, but your little prank did. The judge should have put you behind bars! What are you? A policeman? -What are you? A policeman? I simply believe in the law, Miss Daniels, and I'm not too keen on practical jokers. -I simply believe in the law, Miss Daniels, and I'm not too keen on practical jokers. What do you call your lovebird story if not a practical... -What do you call your lovebird story if not a practical... Ahhh, but I really do want those birds. -Ahhh, but I really do want those birds. You knew I didn't work here. You deliberately... -You knew I didn't work here. You deliberately... Right. I recognized you when I came in. I thought you might like to know what it felt like to be on the other end of a gag. What do you think of that, Miss Daniels? -Right. I recognized you when I came in. I thought you might like to know what it felt like to be on the other end of a gag. What do you think of that, Miss Daniels? I think you're a louse. -I think you're a louse. I am. Good day. Madam. -I am. Good day. Madam. And I'm glad you didn't get your lovebirds! -And I'm glad you didn't get your lovebirds! I'll find something else. See you in court some day. -That was the damndest thing I ever saw. What made it... -What made it... It deliberately came down at you -- you're bleeding... -What's that? Just some peroxide. I want to clean out the cut. -So you're a lawyer. That's right. What are you doing in Bodega Bay? -That's right. What are you doing in Bodega Bay? Do you practice here? -Do you practice here? No, San Francisco. What are you...? -No, San Francisco. What are you...? What kind of law? -What kind of law? Criminal. -Criminal. Is that why you'd like to see everyone behind bars? -Is that why you'd like to see everyone behind bars? Not everyone, Miss Daniels. -Not everyone, Miss Daniels. Only violators and practical jokers. -Ouch! I'm sorry. What are you doing up here? -I'm sorry. What are you doing up here? Didn't you see the lovebirds? -Didn't you see the lovebirds? You came all the way up here to bring me those birds? -You came all the way up here to bring me those birds? To bring your sister those birds. You said it was her birthday. Besides, I was coming up anyway. -To bring your sister those birds. You said it was her birthday. Besides, I was coming up anyway. What for? -What for? To see a friend of mine. Will you please be careful? -To see a friend of mine. Will you please be careful? I'm sorry. Who's your friend? -I'm sorry. Who's your friend? Why... -Why... Yes? -Yes? Annie. Annie Hayworth. -Annie. Annie Hayworth. Well, well, small world. Annie Hayworth. -Well, well, small world. Annie Hayworth. Yes. -Yes. How do you know Annie? -How do you know Annie? We... we went to school together. College. -We... we went to school together. College. Did you! Imagine that! How long will you be staying? -Did you! Imagine that! How long will you be staying? Just a few... just a day or two... the weekend. -Just a few... just a day or two... the weekend. I think we'll have to shave the hair. Deke, have you got a razor? -I think we'll have to shave the hair. Deke, have you got a razor? Oh, no you don't! -Oh, no you don't! It's still bleeding a little. Here, let me put this on. -So you came up to see Annie, huh? Yes. -Yes. I don't believe you. I think you came up to see me. -I don't believe you. I think you came up to see me. Why would I want to see you, of all people? -Why would I want to see you, of all people? I don't know. But it seems to me you must have gone to a lot of trouble to find out who I was, and where I lived and... -I don't know. But it seems to me you must have gone to a lot of trouble to find out who I was, and where I lived and... It was no trouble at all. I simply called my father's paper. Besides, I was coming up here anyway, I already told you... -It was no trouble at all. I simply called my father's paper. Besides, I was coming up here anyway, I already told you... You like me, huh? -You like me, huh? I loathe you. You have no manners. And you're arrogant and conceited and... I wrote you a letter about it, in fact, but I tore it up. -I loathe you. You have no manners. And you're arrogant and conceited and... I wrote you a letter about it, in fact, but I tore it up. What did it say? -What did it say? None of your business. Am I still bleeding? -Can't see a thing. I can't say I like your seagulls much, either. I come all the way up here to... -I can't say I like your seagulls much, either. I come all the way up here to... But you were coming up anyway, remember? -But you were coming up anyway, remember? I was! And all I get for my pains is a... a... a hole in the head! -I was! And all I get for my pains is a... a... a hole in the head! Right next to the one you already had. -Right next to the one you already had. Look, Mr. Brenner... -After all, you did go to the trouble of bringing up those birds. I'm sorry. I couldn't possibly... -Yes, but... You are, aren't you? -You are, aren't you? Certainly, but... -Certainly, but... Then it's settled. What time is dinner, Mother? -With... with Annie, of course. Of course, how stupid of me. A quarter to seven, will that be all right? -Of course, how stupid of me. A quarter to seven, will that be all right? Annie... Annie may have made other plans. I'll have to see. Besides, I can find my own way. -Annie... Annie may have made other plans. I'll have to see. Besides, I can find my own way. You're sure now? You won't hire a boat or anything? -You're sure now? You won't hire a boat or anything? I'm sure. -I'm sure. Seven o'clock then. -Seven o'clock then. Maybe. -Hi. Annie had no plans, huh? I'm glad you came. Are you hungry? Famished. -Famished. Dinner's just about ready. We were out back looking at the chickens. Something seems to be wrong with them. -Why did he shoot her? He was watching a ball game on television. -He was watching a ball game on television. What? -What? His wife changed the channel. -You'll be able to find your way back, won't you? Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. Will I be seeing you again? -Will I be seeing you again? San Francisco's a long way from here. -San Francisco's a long way from here. I'm in San Francisco five days a week. With a lot of time on my hands. I'd like to see you. Maybe we could go swimming or something. Mother tells me you like to swim. -I'm in San Francisco five days a week. With a lot of time on my hands. I'd like to see you. Maybe we could go swimming or something. Mother tells me you like to swim. How does Mother know what I like to do? -How does Mother know what I like to do? I guess she and I read the same gossip columns. -I guess she and I read the same gossip columns. Oh. That. Rome. -Oh. That. Rome. Mmmm. I like to swim. We might get along very... -Mmmm. I like to swim. We might get along very... In case you're interested, I was pushed into that fountain. -In case you're interested, I was pushed into that fountain. Without any clothes on? -Without any clothes on? With all my clothes on! The newspaper that ran the story happens to be a rival of my father's paper. Anything they said... -With all my clothes on! The newspaper that ran the story happens to be a rival of my father's paper. Anything they said... You were just a poor, innocent victim of circumstance, huh? -You were just a poor, innocent victim of circumstance, huh? I'm neither poor nor innocent, but the truth of that particular... -I'm neither poor nor innocent, but the truth of that particular... The truth is you were running around with a pretty wild crowd... -The truth is you were running around with a pretty wild crowd... Yes, but... -Yes, but... ...who didn't much care for propriety or convention or... -...who didn't much care for propriety or convention or... Yes. -Yes. ...the opinions of others, and you went right along with them, isn't that the truth? -...the opinions of others, and you went right along with them, isn't that the truth? Yes, that's the truth. But I was pushed into that fountain, and that's the truth, too. -Yes, that's the truth. But I was pushed into that fountain, and that's the truth, too. Sure. Do you really know Annie Hayworth? -Sure. Do you really know Annie Hayworth? No. At least, I didn't until I came up here. -No. At least, I didn't until I came up here. So you didn't go to school together. -So you didn't go to school together. No. -No. And you didn't come up here to see her. -And you didn't come up here to see her. No. -No. You were lying. -You were lying. Yes, I was lying. -Yes, I was lying. Did you really write a letter to me? Or was that a lie, too? -Did you really write a letter to me? Or was that a lie, too? I wrote the letter. -I wrote the letter. What did it say? -What did it say? "It said, ""Dear Mr. Brenner, I think you need those lovebirds, after all. They may help your personality."" That's what it said." -"It said, ""Dear Mr. Brenner, I think you need those lovebirds, after all. They may help your personality."" That's what it said." But you tore it up. -But you tore it up. Yes. -Yes. Why? -Why? Because it seemed stupid and foolish. -Because it seemed stupid and foolish. Like jumping into a fountain in Rome! -Like jumping into a fountain in Rome! I told you what happened in Rome! -I told you what happened in Rome! Do you expect me to believe...? -Do you expect me to believe...? I don't give a damn what you believe! -I'd still like to see you. Why? -Why? I think it could be fun. -That might have been good enough in Rome last summer. But it's not good enough now. It is for me. -It is for me. But not for me. -But not for me. What do you want ? -What do you want ? I thought you knew! I want to go through life laughing and beautiful and jumping into fountains naked! Good night! -I really shouldn't have any more. I'm a little tipsy already. I'm trying to get you to stay for dinner. We're going to have a lot of roast left over. -I'm trying to get you to stay for dinner. We're going to have a lot of roast left over. I couldn't possibly. I have to get back. -I couldn't possibly. I have to get back. Cheers. -Cheers. Cheers. -What's in this? Nitro-glycerin? Why do you have to rush off? What's so important in San Francisco? -Why do you have to rush off? What's so important in San Francisco? Well... I have to get to work tomorrow morning, for one thing. -Well... I have to get to work tomorrow morning, for one thing. You have a job? -You have a job? I have several jobs. -I have several jobs. What do you do? -What do you do? I do different things on different days. -I do different things on different days. Like what? -Like what? On Mondays and Wednesdays, I work for the Travelers' Aid. At the airport. -On Mondays and Wednesdays, I work for the Travelers' Aid. At the airport. Helping travelers. -Helping travelers. Yes. -And on Tuesdays, I take a course in General Semantics at Berkeley. That's not a job, of course. I just take it because... What about Thursdays and Fridays? -What about Thursdays and Fridays? On Thursdays I have my meeting and lunch. I'm chairman of a group that's sending a little Korean boy through school. We plan how to raise funds and... things like that. -On Thursdays I have my meeting and lunch. I'm chairman of a group that's sending a little Korean boy through school. We plan how to raise funds and... things like that. And Fridays? What do you do then? -And Fridays? What do you do then? Nothing. I go to bird shops on Fridays. -Nothing. I go to bird shops on Fridays. I'm glad you do. -I'm glad you do. Do you know what I was doing in that shop? -Do you know what I was doing in that shop? What? -What? I have an aunt, you see. Aunt Tessa. She's seventy years old, and veddy prim and strait-laced. She's coming back from Europe at the end of the month, and I'm going to give her a myna bird that'll talk to her. -I have an aunt, you see. Aunt Tessa. She's seventy years old, and veddy prim and strait-laced. She's coming back from Europe at the end of the month, and I'm going to give her a myna bird that'll talk to her. What'll it say? -What'll it say? You'll think me very bold, sir. -You'll think me very bold, sir. No, tell me. -Are you all right? Yes. -You look a little shaken. I... I am. Mitch, is... Mitch, this isn't usual, is it? The gull yesterday when I was in the boat, and the one last night at Annie's, and now... -I... I am. Mitch, is... Mitch, this isn't usual, is it? The gull yesterday when I was in the boat, and the one last night at Annie's, and now... Last night? What do you mean? -Last night? What do you mean? A gull smashed into Annie's front door. Mitch... what's happening? -A gull smashed into Annie's front door. Mitch... what's happening? I don't know, Melanie. Look, do you have to go back to Annie's? -I don't know, Melanie. Look, do you have to go back to Annie's? No, I have my things in the car. -No, I have my things in the car. Then stay and have something to eat before you start back. I'd feel a lot better. -Do you want some mustard with this? No, thank you. -Some cream? I'll get it. -I'll take Cathy up to bed. Are you staying? -Are you staying? I think I should, don't you? -It smelled of the fire. It's hard to believe anything at all happened yesterday, isn't it? It's so beautiful and still now. I think I've got it all figured out, by the way. -It's hard to believe anything at all happened yesterday, isn't it? It's so beautiful and still now. I think I've got it all figured out, by the way. Really? Tell me about it. -Really? Tell me about it. It's an uprising. -It's an uprising. Of birds? -Of birds? Certainly, of birds. -It all started several months ago with a peasant sparrow up in the hills, a malcontent. He went around telling all the other sparrows that human beings weren't fit to rule this planet, preaching wherever anyone would listen... Growing a beard... -Growing a beard... Yes, of course, he had to have a beard! 'Birds of the world, unite!' he kept saying, over and over... -Yes, of course, he had to have a beard! 'Birds of the world, unite!' he kept saying, over and over... So they united. -So they united. Not at first. Oh yes, a few sparrows out for kicks... -Not at first. Oh yes, a few sparrows out for kicks... Well, they'll go along with anything. -Well, they'll go along with anything. "Sure. But eventually, even the more serious-minded birds began to listen. ""Why should humans rule?"" they asked themselves." -"Sure. But eventually, even the more serious-minded birds began to listen. ""Why should humans rule?"" they asked themselves." Hear! -Hear! Why should we submit ourselves to their domination? -Why should we submit ourselves to their domination? Hear, hear! -Hear, hear! And all the while, that sparrow was getting in his little messages. Birds of the world, unite! -And all the while, that sparrow was getting in his little messages. Birds of the world, unite! Take wing! -Take wing! You have nothing to lose but your feathers. -What it was, probably... Mmm? -Mmm? They're probably hungry, that's all. This was a bad summer. They eat berries and... and nuts, you know, and the hills are all burned out, so they're probably searching for food wherever they can get it. -They're probably hungry, that's all. This was a bad summer. They eat berries and... and nuts, you know, and the hills are all burned out, so they're probably searching for food wherever they can get it. With my little sparrow leading team. -It's so damn quiet out there. It was like that yesterday. -It was like that yesterday. What do you mean? -What do you mean? After the gulls attacked. -After the gulls attacked. I hadn't thought of that. And then the swifts came. -I hadn't thought of that. And then the swifts came. It makes you feel as if they're... they're waiting or... resting... or.... -It makes you feel as if they're... they're waiting or... resting... or.... No, they're having a meeting, Melanie. Your sparrow is standing on a soap box and... -Melanie, Melanie... I'm frightened, Mitch. -I'm frightened, Mitch. No, no... -No, no... I'm frightened and confused and I... I think I want to go back to San Francisco where there are buildings and... and concrete and... -I'm frightened and confused and I... I think I want to go back to San Francisco where there are buildings and... and concrete and... Melanie... -Melanie... ...everything I know. -That was Al on the phone. He wants me to meet him out at the Fawcett place. Says some detectives from Santa Rosa'll be there in a little while. Will you be all right here? Yes. I was just taking her in some tea. -I got here as fast as I could. Where's Cathy? At Annie's house. She's all right. -I think it's safe to get out now. Don't let's take any chances. -Don't let's take any chances. We've got to get Cathy. -The town looks clear. The bay doesn't. -The bay doesn't. How long have they been gathering there? -How long have they been gathering there? The past fifteen minutes. It seems to be a pattern, doesn't it? They strike and disappear, and then they start massing again. -I keep thinking of Annie. It... it doesn't look very different, does it? A little smoke over the town, but otherwise... -It... it doesn't look very different, does it? A little smoke over the town, but otherwise... Even the birds sitting out there. It does look very much the same, Mitch. This could be last week. -Even the birds sitting out there. It does look very much the same, Mitch. This could be last week. It may not be last week again for a long long time. -Do you want to try your father again? I tried a little while ago. The phone's dead. -I tried a little while ago. The phone's dead. Have we still got power? -Have we still got power? Yes. I'm tired, Mitch. I'm so very very tired. -Where are they heading? Inland. -Inland. Santa Rosa? -Santa Rosa? Maybe. -When will they stop? I thought they'd have stopped by now. -I thought they'd have stopped by now. What time is it? -What time is it? Almost two a.m. -Almost two a.m. You must be exhausted. -You must be exhausted. How about you? -You'd have been safe in San Francisco. I don't want to be safe. I want to be with you. -The power. Mitch... -Mitch... Wait here. Don't move. -We'd better light some of those lamps. No... wait. Hold me. -Mitch, if they hear the car starting... if they see movement... We'll take it slow until we get to the main road. Are you ready? -Can we turn back? I... I don't think so. If we get through town, I think we'll be all right. -Hello, Mrs. MacGruder, have you ever seen so many gulls? Hello, Miss Daniels. -Hello, Miss Daniels. What do you suppose it is? -I was hoping you'd be a little late, Miss Daniels. You see, he hasn't arrived yet. You said three o'clock. -You said three o'clock. I know. Oh, I know. I've been calling all morning. Oh, you have no idea. Miss Daniels, they're so difficult to get, really they are. We get them from India, you know, when they're just little chicks, and then we have to... -I know. Oh, I know. I've been calling all morning. Oh, you have no idea. Miss Daniels, they're so difficult to get, really they are. We get them from India, you know, when they're just little chicks, and then we have to... Well, this one won't be a chick, will he? -Well, this one won't be a chick, will he? Certainly not. Oh, no. Certainly not. This will be a full grown myna bird. Full grown. -Certainly not. Oh, no. Certainly not. This will be a full grown myna bird. Full grown. And he'll talk? -And he'll talk? Well, yes, he'll talk. Well, no, no. You'll have to teach him to talk. -Well, yes, he'll talk. Well, no, no. You'll have to teach him to talk. Yes. -Yes. Yes. Oh my, I suppose I should call them again. They said three o'clock. Maybe it's the traffic. I'll call. Would you mind waiting? -Yes. Oh my, I suppose I should call them again. They said three o'clock. Maybe it's the traffic. I'll call. Would you mind waiting? I think maybe you'd better deliver him. Let me give you my address. -I think maybe you'd better deliver him. Let me give you my address. Oh. Oh, well, all right. -I'm sure they're on the way, though. Could I just call? Well, all right, but... -There we are! Oh, good! Oh, wonderful. -That... that... who was that? I have no idea. -Have you got a pencil? What? Oh, yes, certainly. -They said the myna bird would be here later this afternoon. If you'd care to come back... No, you'd better send him. May I use your phone? -No, you'd better send him. May I use your phone? Yes, certainly. -Yes, certainly. Do you have any lovebirds? -Do you have any lovebirds? No, not in the shop. But I can order them for you. -No, not in the shop. But I can order them for you. How soon? -How soon? Well... well, how soon would you want them? -Well... well, how soon would you want them? Immediately. Is this the Daily News? Melanie Daniels. Would you get me the city desk, please? -Immediately. Is this the Daily News? Melanie Daniels. Would you get me the city desk, please? I might be able to have them by tomorrow morning. Would that be all right? -I might be able to have them by tomorrow morning. Would that be all right? That would be just fine. Hello, Charlie, this is Melanie. I want you to do a favor for me. No, this is a small one. Pressure you? Why, Charlie darling, would I try to pressure you? Will you call the Department of Motor Vehicles for me and find out who owns this license plate? DKQ dash one seven six. Yes, a California plate. No, I'll stop up there in a little while. Is daddy in his office? Oh. No, no, I don't want to break in on a meeting. Just tell him I'll see him later. Thank you, Charlie. -No, the birds didn't attack until the children were outside the school. Crows, I think. I don't know, Daddy. Is there a difference between crows and blackbirds? There is very definitely a difference, Miss. -There is very definitely a difference, Miss. They're different, Daddy. Thank you. I think these were crows. Yes, hundreds of them. Yes, they attacked the children, attacked them. Daddy, a little girl was sent to the hospital in Santa Rosa. Well, all right, but you act as if I'm... all right, all right. No, I can't come home now. I just can't, Daddy. How is it there? I mean... are there birds? In the sky? But no trouble. Well, I hope... I don't know when. I simply can't leave now. Tell Mother not to worry. All right, Daddy, good-by. -They're both perching birds, of course, but of quite different species. The crow is brachyrhynchos. The blackbird is cyanocephalus. Thank you. Do you know Dan Fawcett's number? -I just came from the school, madam. I don't know about their brain pans but... Birds are not aggressive creatures, Miss. They bring beauty to the world. It is mankind, rather, who... -Hello, may I speak to Mitch Brenner, please? Yes, I'll wait. ...insist on making it difficult for life to survive on this planet. If it weren't for birds... -Yes, all right, I'll wait for you. Good-by. I hardly think a few birds are going to bring about the end of the world. -I hardly think a few birds are going to bring about the end of the world. These weren't a few birds. -The gulls were after your fish, Mr. Sholes. Really, let's be logical about this. What were the crows after at the school? -What were the crows after at the school? What do you think they were after, Miss...? -What do you think they were after, Miss...? Daniels. I think they were after the children. -Daniels. I think they were after the children. For what purpose? -For what purpose? To... To kill them. -I don't know why. I thought not. Birds have been on this planet since archaeopteryx, Miss Daniels; a hundred and twenty million years ago! -Doesn't it seem odd that they'd wait all that time to start a... a war against humanity? No one called it a war! -Have you ever seen a jay protecting a nest? I have seen jays doing everything it is conceivable for jays to do. Ornithology happens to be my avocation, Miss Daniels. You're talking about preservation of the species, a hen protecting her young. There's a vast difference between... -I have seen jays doing everything it is conceivable for jays to do. Ornithology happens to be my avocation, Miss Daniels. You're talking about preservation of the species, a hen protecting her young. There's a vast difference between... Maybe they're all protecting the species. Maybe they're tired of being shot at and roasted in ovens and... -Maybe they're all protecting the species. Maybe they're tired of being shot at and roasted in ovens and... Are you discussing gamebirds now? All birds are not gamebirds, you know. -Are you discussing gamebirds now? All birds are not gamebirds, you know. I don't know anything about birds except that they're attacking this town. -And what? Vultures? Hawks? Eagles? Maybe! Is it impossible? -Maybe! Is it impossible? Yes. I have never known birds of different species to flock together. The very concept is unimaginable. Why if that happened, we wouldn't have a chance. How could we possible hope to fight them? -Sebastian, I'm not an alarmist. No one ever said you were, Mitch. -No one ever said you were, Mitch. I think we're in trouble. I don't know how or why this started, but I know it's here and I know we'd be crazy to ignore it. -Look, Mitch, even if this is true, even if all the birds... Do you believe it's true, Sebastian? -Do you believe it's true, Sebastian? No. I don't, Mitch. Because I can't see any reason for it. -No. I don't, Mitch. Because I can't see any reason for it. It's happening. Isn't that a good enough reason? -It's happening. Isn't that a good enough reason? I like Bodega Bay as well as any man. If I thought... -I like Bodega Bay as well as any man. If I thought... Then help me, Sebastian. You're an important man in this town. If you'll help, the rest will. -Then help me, Sebastian. You're an important man in this town. If you'll help, the rest will. Help how? What do you want to do? -Help how? What do you want to do? I'm not sure, but... -I'm not sure, but... If you don't even know what you want to do... -I only know we've got to drive them away from town -- before they drive us away. How? -How? Mrs. Bundy, you said something about Santa Cruz. About seagulls getting lost in the fog, and heading in for the lights. -How do you plan to do that? With smoke. -How can we go on living here if we blanket the town with smoke? Can we go on living here otherwise? -Scotch, light on the water. You and Mr. Sholes seem to be implying as much. -Birds? Yeah, birds. All they do is make a mess of everything. Who needs them? -Yeah, birds. All they do is make a mess of everything. Who needs them? We need them. -We need them. Not if they're starting a war. -Not if they're starting a war. They are incapable of organized warfare! -Then fight back. Get yourselves guns and wipe them off the face of the earth. That would hardly be possible. -Kill them all. Get rid of them. Messy animals. ...probably contain more than a hundred billion birds! -That's right, sir, I recall it. A large flock of seagulls got lost in a fog and headed in for the town, where all the lights were. They made some mess, too, smashing into houses and everything. They always make a mess. We're better off without them. -They made some mess, too, smashing into houses and everything. They always make a mess. We're better off without them. The point is that no one seemed to get upset about it. They were gone the next morning, just as if nothing at all had happened. Poor things. -How many gulls did you count, Mrs. Bundy? Which gulls, Mr. Sholes? There are several varieties. -Which gulls, Mr. Sholes? There are several varieties. The ones that've been raising the devil with my fishing boats. -The ones that've been raising the devil with my fishing boats. Probably herring gulls. They arrive in November, you know, and don't migrate North again until March or... -Actually, those gulls must have been after the fish. Of course. -Of course. Makes a lot more sense than... well, an attack. -Makes a lot more sense than... well, an attack. Of course it does. If we believe that birds are attacking, why... why next we'll believe that grasshoppers and cockroaches are capable of... -I'm going out that way, lady. You can follow me. Then let's go. Now! -Then let's go. Now! I haven't finished my drink. -I haven't finished my drink. Put on your coats! Do you want to get trapped here? -Were the Santa Rosa police at your school today? Are you coming? Take it easy, lady. There isn't a bird anywhere in sight. -Something like this happened in Santa Cruz last year. The town was covered with seagulls. Can't you please finish your drink? -I'm leaving! Are you coming? All right, all right! Hope you figure this out, folks. -I'm Donald Fettes. I'm very pleased to know you, Master Fettes. -I'm very pleased to know you, Master Fettes. Mr. Gray? -Mr. Gray? That's right. Gray, the cabman. I've had a bit of dealing with MacFarlane in the past, you know. -Dr. MacFarlane said I should pay you -- Of course -- it's the soul of the business -- the pay -- -I fear he may have to. But can't you give me any idea? -But can't you give me any idea? How could I? I will do my best. After all, you see, I am financially interested. -There, Master Fettes. Sooner than we had expected. A stoke of luck one might say. Good. -Oh, you'll have ample opportunity -- ample -- Good morning, Dr. Fettes. Good morning. -You asked to see me, ma'am? I want you to help my little girl. -I want you to help my little girl. I'm only a student. -I'm only a student. Georgina told me how kind you were to her. It gave me hope you might intercede for us with Dr. MacFarlane. -Georgina told me how kind you were to her. It gave me hope you might intercede for us with Dr. MacFarlane. I don't know that I can do that, Mrs. Marsh. -I don't know that I can do that, Mrs. Marsh. Did he tell you about Georgina? -I didn't mean it that way. I meant only that I am not in a position to ask favors. Ask this one favor -- -Ask this one favor -- Of course I will. -You have his promise, then? Yes. --- pain -- and shock. She's brave enough, but I don't know about myself. Now that it seems so close, I wonder if I dare trust my child into any but God's hands. Maybe He knows best. Ma'am, is you'll allow me, I'd like to give you cause for courage -- Dr. MacFarlane is a great man -- I think he's the greatest man in medicine. God would not have given him such gifts if they were not meant for Georgina's cure. -Good morning, Mrs. Marsh. Good morning, Mr. Fettes. -It's not because of Georgina -- because of Dr. MacFarlane's failure? It's not the failure. I feel that MacFarlane has taught me nothing. He taught me the mathematics of anatomy but he couldn't teach me the poetry of medicine. -Even so, I could never think of going on -- I've got to find some other profession. It is a pity. -You must leave this house. I can't do that -- you heard MacFarlane. -I can't do that -- you heard MacFarlane. Save yourself. Master Fettes look at MacFarlane and be warned. -Save yourself. Master Fettes look at MacFarlane and be warned. He's a great doctor -- a great man -- -He's a great doctor -- a great man -- Is it a great man whom Gray can order to his bidding? Is it a great man who for very shame dare not acknowledge his own wife so that I must play maidservant for the world's sake and his success? -He could have been a great man -- a good man and a fine doctor, but there was always the shame of the old life and the old ways to hold him back -- and always Gray -- Gray to hound him to his death. You're over-excited, Mistress Cameron. -You're over-excited, Mistress Cameron. I'm cold as ice. -I'm cold as ice. But Gray's only a cab driver -- a Resurrection Man who robs graves to make a bit of money now and again. -But Gray's only a cab driver -- a Resurrection Man who robs graves to make a bit of money now and again. If he were only that. The man's evil himself. Some day you'll know him as MacFarlane knows him -- for MacFarlane he was to Knox as you are to him. That brought him close to Gray, he roistered with him and drank with him. Aye, and Gray even brought him to my door and my love. There is all that between them and more -- Burke and Hare and Knox -- -If he were only that. The man's evil himself. Some day you'll know him as MacFarlane knows him -- for MacFarlane he was to Knox as you are to him. That brought him close to Gray, he roistered with him and drank with him. Aye, and Gray even brought him to my door and my love. There is all that between them and more -- Burke and Hare and Knox -- But that's long since. Gray can't threaten him with that. -But that's long since. Gray can't threaten him with that. Gray has no need to threaten. You remember the trial? -Gray has no need to threaten. You remember the trial? I heard my parents speak of it in Thrums. It was a famous case. -I heard my parents speak of it in Thrums. It was a famous case. And did you hear them speak of the porter who testified against Burke? -And did you hear them speak of the porter who testified against Burke? Aye. -Aye. They did not tell you how that porter cried out in the witness box when the Kings Counselor pressed him hard -- how he cried out that he was shielding a gentleman of consequence. -That porter was Gray and the gentleman of consequence who couldn't swallow the shame of it -- who took my last paltry savings to hire Gray -- MacFarlane -Listen to me, Fettes, I'm one part befuddled with drink, one part over-heels in love with MacFarlane, and one part fey. You're a lowlander, Fettes, and you have no way of knowing what we Highlanders call the second sight. I've heard of it. -I've heard of it. It's a gift to my people -- and I see MacFarlane and Gray-- the pit yawns for them and the flames -- and I would have you away from them and safe out of the torment.-- -He's not home. Where can I find him? -Where can I find him? You don't went to find him. Your news will keep until I tell him. -You don't went to find him. Your news will keep until I tell him. But I must tell him -- he must know of it. Please -- tell me where he is. -But I must tell him -- he must know of it. Please -- tell me where he is. There's no standing between a fool and his folly. If you must babble your news to him he's at the Fisherman's Tryst. It's the inn at Pennycuik. You can use MacFarlane's horse and gig to get there. He'll welcome the ride back. -There's no standing between a fool and his folly. If you must babble your news to him he's at the Fisherman's Tryst. It's the inn at Pennycuik. You can use MacFarlane's horse and gig to get there. He'll welcome the ride back. At Pennycuik. I know the inn. I can be there in an hour. -At Pennycuik. I know the inn. I can be there in an hour. And back with MacFarlane and all that he stands for the next day. -Excuse me, Dr. MacFarlane -- Come in, boy -- come in. -But, Doctor, I only wanted to speak to you -- Come -- it's a chance to try out your bedside manner, Fettes. Take a look at the child. -Dr. MacFarlane -- Excuse me. -I'm afraid I'll have to give up medicine, Dr. MacFarlane. You're made for a doctor, young man! -You're made for a doctor, young man! I'm afraid I have to, sir. You see, my father is vicar at Thrums -- it's a small parish -- not much of a living -- -I'm afraid I have to, sir. You see, my father is vicar at Thrums -- it's a small parish -- not much of a living -- You're too good a man, Fettes -- I'll not let you quit. I'll make an assistant of you -- that'll pay your keep and your tuition, too -- -You're too good a man, Fettes -- I'll not let you quit. I'll make an assistant of you -- that'll pay your keep and your tuition, too -- I thought only the best students were made assistants. -I thought only the best students were made assistants. Well? And are you not a good student? -Well? And are you not a good student? But Richardson? -But Richardson? Richardson is a fine student. He's got a glib tongue, but you'll be a better doctor, Fettes. Come along now -- -You know how we get the specimens we use for dissection? From the Municipal Council -- they're the bodies of paupers -- -I don't think I can go on, sir. What the devil do you mean? You have your lodgings, a certain stipend -- I thought I had arranged everything for you -- -What the devil do you mean? You have your lodgings, a certain stipend -- I thought I had arranged everything for you -- I saw the woman whose son's body was delivered last night. -And that's why you don't want to be a doctor, Fettes? Not if I have to be party to things like that, Dr. MacFarlane. -But this woman -- and her son -- I'm sorry for the woman, Fettes. But her son might be alive today had more doctors been given the opportunity to work on more human specimens. As for me, Fettes, I let no man stop me when I know I'm right -- when I know that I need those lifeless subjects for my student's enlightenment and for my own knowledge. And if you're a real man and want to be a good doctor, you'll see it as I see it. -Dr. MacFarlane -- you remember the lady who came to see you yesterday -- the lady with the little girl? I remember her. -I remember her. She came again today. She wanted me to ask you if you would not break your rule and operate. She feels you are her only hope. -She came again today. She wanted me to ask you if you would not break your rule and operate. She feels you are her only hope. So she told me. I'm a teacher -- not a practitioner. -It was about last night I wanted to talk to you -- about the operation on the little Marsh girl. You're a man of the world, Fettes, you wouldn't hold me to promise given in drink. -You're a man of the world, Fettes, you wouldn't hold me to promise given in drink. But I -- well, you see, sir, I met Mrs. Marsh and told her. -But I -- well, you see, sir, I met Mrs. Marsh and told her. Really, Fettes, you irk me with your lack of understanding. -Really, Fettes, you irk me with your lack of understanding. But you did promise. -But you did promise. "Look here, Fettes. Not I nor anyone else knows enough about the spinal column and its intricacies to insure success in such an operation. I would have to study the matter. Have we any ""subjects""?" -"Look here, Fettes. Not I nor anyone else knows enough about the spinal column and its intricacies to insure success in such an operation. I would have to study the matter. Have we any ""subjects""?" Wilmont used up the last spinal section. -Wilmont used up the last spinal section. You see, it is completely out of the question. -You see, it is completely out of the question. Yes, I suppose so. -Yes, I suppose so. Now you run off and see that pretty Mrs. Marsh and explain to her. -Every street singer with a cracked voice gives tongue to that one. This girl was beautiful -- a wild lassie from the Highlands. -Well -- Gray killed her. -Gray killed her. We can't be sure of that. -We can't be sure of that. I am sure. I mean to report it. It's like Burke and Hare all over again. -I wouldn't do that, Fettes. I wouldn't report it. Grave robbing is one thing -- this is murder. -I don't know that -- neither do you. This subject may have been an epileptic -- thrown a fit -- fallen out of bed -- cracked her skull and killed herself -- there is everything explained -- the bruise on her head -- I can't believe that. -I can't believe that. Believe it or not. It's best for you to pretend that you do. After all, it was you who ordered this specimen, received it here, and paid for it. That makes you a party to murder. -But, I didn't ask him to kill. Who would believe that? And you know, someone else might recognize her. She was as well known as the Castle Rock. -Here is where you must watch closely, gentleman -- closely -- it is the very heart of the matter -- Wait, Doctor -- wait! The child's fainting. -She's unconscious. Pulse? -I just saw Gray. What was he laughing at? He has his own idea of a joke. Perhaps his horse tickled him in the ribs. -He has his own idea of a joke. Perhaps his horse tickled him in the ribs. I've just been to see Mrs. Marsh. Georgina is doing splendidly. The incision has healed -- clean and fine -- but she doesn't seem to have any desire to walk. -I've just been to see Mrs. Marsh. Georgina is doing splendidly. The incision has healed -- clean and fine -- but she doesn't seem to have any desire to walk. When she's ready you bring her to me -- I'll show her how. -When she's ready you bring her to me -- I'll show her how. Dr. MacFarlane, I wonder if you know what happiness you've brought those people. -Dr. MacFarlane, I wonder if you know what happiness you've brought those people. That's only our duty, Fettes -- that's the end at which we aim with all this nasty business. -I suppose one must pass through this purgatory to the heaven of being a good doctor. That's the way of it, Fettes. You bring the lassie to me. -You can't -- can't! Stop trying to bribe her with childishness about white horses. Let the child stand and walk -- her spine's all right. I know it's all right. But she must want to stand. She must want to walk. -But she must want to stand. She must want to walk. Confound me, the child's a cripple, of course she wants to walk. Child, I say to you get up out of that chair and walk. -Fettes, the more things are wrong, the more we must act as if everything were right. You must do with Joseph as you did with, the street singer -- complete dissection -- a proper entry in the book -- No. -No. What do you mean, Fettes? -What do you mean, Fettes? I'll have no more to do with it. I'll not put my neck into the noose, not even for your sake, Dr. MacFarlane. -I'll have no more to do with it. I'll not put my neck into the noose, not even for your sake, Dr. MacFarlane. Don't be a fool. One can't begin and then stop -- and because that entry of the girl's body is in your hand, you'll do as I say. As for me, I'll tend to Gray. -What's that you say? The little girl -- she couldn't walk far -- the muscles are too weak -- but she did stand and she took a step or two. -The little girl -- she couldn't walk far -- the muscles are too weak -- but she did stand and she took a step or two. I know it -- I know it -- The moment I was rid of him -- -I know it -- I know it -- The moment I was rid of him -- What? -What? Gray -- I'm rid of him -- -See that, Fettes? A burial party -- poor people -- it's hard to bury a loved one on a rainy day when the churchyard is so cold and lonely. -A burial party -- poor people -- it's hard to bury a loved one on a rainy day when the churchyard is so cold and lonely. Glencorse -- that's a lonely cemetery, Fettes, not a soul around for miles. -Glencorse -- that's a lonely cemetery, Fettes, not a soul around for miles. They'll be thinking of that, too. -They'll be thinking of that, too. Tosh! Fettes! It's not their grief I'm worrying about -- I'm talking of our own end -- -Tosh! Fettes! It's not their grief I'm worrying about -- I'm talking of our own end -- You've no thought of going there? -You've no thought of going there? Did you think Gray was the only one who could handle a mattock and shovel? I've had some practice in the art. -Did you think Gray was the only one who could handle a mattock and shovel? I've had some practice in the art. You couldn't do that, Doctor. -You couldn't do that, Doctor. I pass up no opportunities, I've a whole course of lectures in mind for you fellows. We'll need subjects to demonstrate. Come along. -I pass up no opportunities, I've a whole course of lectures in mind for you fellows. We'll need subjects to demonstrate. Come along. No. -No. Why not? I must have subjects. It's the only way I can teach. It's the only way you can learn. The stupidity of the people the idiocy of their laws will not stop no -- nor will they force me to deal with such reptilian creatures as Gray. We can do our own dirty work -- and we must. -Where shall we put it? In the back? No room there. We'll have to set it between us. -This is not a woman! It was a woman when we put her in. -It was a woman when we put her in. Hold that lamp up -- I must see her face. -Are you a doctor, too? Not yet. -Not yet. You'll be a good doctor. I know all about doctors. -What you really want to ask me is about my back, isn't it -- about where it hurts? Why, yes. -Why, yes. Well -- -Hear him? The white horse. The horse that is going to greet me when he sees me. -The white horse. The horse that is going to greet me when he sees me. An old acquaintance, eh? -"Why do you want the white horse to bid you ""good-day""?" He was a nice horse. -He was a nice horse. Maybe there's another reason. Maybe you haven't friends enough. Could that be it, Georgina? -Of course -- I don't have friends. That's because I can't walk. I try to make myself used to it. One shouldn't get used to the wrong things, Georgina. You want to walk and run and play. -Aye, but I still wonder how much. I want it -- -I want it -- But you'll have to stand great pain, Georgina. Greater pain than you ever dreamed of in the worst time of your sickness. Do you want it that much? -Don't you want to find the white horse, Georgina? You can't find him from a wheelchair. You have to walk and run to find him. I can't. -I thought this was a school day. I am not at the school anymore. I left last night. -You'll not need that again, Georgina. I wanted to see the white horse -- -He'll not leave the grave -- not since Wednesday last when we buried the lad. Your son, ma'am? He must have been a fine boy for the wee dog to love him so. -Not much danger here, ma'am, I wouldn't think -- right here in the heart of Edinburgh. They're uncommon bold, the grave robbers -- and the daft doctors who drive them on. -They're uncommon bold, the grave robbers -- and the daft doctors who drive them on. I'm by way of being a medical myself. -I'm by way of being a medical myself. A doctor? -A doctor? A student. I'm studying under Dr. MacFarlane -- that is, I've been studying until today -- -Come, Toddy -- come. Sit down here with me. Don't call me that confounded name. -Don't call me that confounded name. Well, then, Doctor MacFarlane -- although I've known a time, Toddy, when you liked the name. Aye, and many are dead now who called you by it; rough and wild ones they were, too. But come Toddy, sit down here with your young friend. -Mr. Fettes and I have professional matters to discuss. Medicine? That'll keep. Sit down. -I will not have you use that name to me. You will not have it? -You're a teacher, eh? Maybe you're afraid to be a doctor, Toddy. Afraid of what? -Afraid of what? Afraid you are not as good a doctor perhaps as you make out to be. -Afraid you are not as good a doctor perhaps as you make out to be. I am the best man for the job. -I am the best man for the job. Why don't you do it then? -You? Why? Since when have you become the protector of little children? I'm not concerned about the child, Toddy. It's you I'm thinking of, I'd like to see you prove that a lot of things I know haven't hurt Toddy MacFarlane any. -I'm not concerned about the child, Toddy. It's you I'm thinking of, I'd like to see you prove that a lot of things I know haven't hurt Toddy MacFarlane any. I'll not do it, Gray. -I'll not do it, Gray. Oh, yes, you will. You'll do it to oblige Fettes and myself. -Oh, yes, you will. You'll do it to oblige Fettes and myself. No. -No. Maybe there's some private reason between you and me which will make you -- some long lost friend of ours. Say that you'll do it for me and my friend, Mr. Fettes, here. -It might be an interesting case. That's a good boy, Toddy. -Toddy hates me. Don't call me that confounded name, I tell you. -Don't call me that confounded name, I tell you. Hear him? Did you ever see the lads play knife? -Now that wasn't a friendly thing I heard, Toddy. Not at all friendly. That has nothing to do with it. We've decided to do more lecturing and less dissection -- it's better for the students -- that's all there is to it. -That has nothing to do with it. We've decided to do more lecturing and less dissection -- it's better for the students -- that's all there is to it. You know what you want and don't want -- so that's an end of business between us -- but we'll still be friends, Toddy. I'll be dropping by to see you and Meg once in a while -- for auld lang syne, you know. -You know what you want and don't want -- so that's an end of business between us -- but we'll still be friends, Toddy. I'll be dropping by to see you and Meg once in a while -- for auld lang syne, you know. I suppose we can't prevent that, Gray -- -- for auld lang syne. -Oh, it's you, Gray. Well, come in. Sit down. Have a glass with me. You're uncommon friendly tonight, Toddy. More like the old days. -You know something about the human body, Gray. I've had some experience. -I've had some experience. Then you can understand that the backbone is a lot of little blocks and those little blocks are all held together, so that it works like that whip of yours. You know that, don't you? -Then you can understand that the backbone is a lot of little blocks and those little blocks are all held together, so that it works like that whip of yours. You know that, don't you? I've never had it all explained that way to me by so learned a man. -I've never had it all explained that way to me by so learned a man. I set those blocks together, patched the muscles. I put the nerves where they should be -- I did it and I did it right -- and she won't walk -- -I set those blocks together, patched the muscles. I put the nerves where they should be -- I did it and I did it right -- and she won't walk -- Oh, it's the bit of a girl Fettes was talking about. -Oh, it's the bit of a girl Fettes was talking about. The same. Look here, Gray -- -You can't build life like you put together blocks, Toddy. What are you talking about? I am an anatomist. I know the body. I know how it works. -What are you talking about? I am an anatomist. I know the body. I know how it works. And you're a fool, Toddy -- and no doctor. It's only the dead ones that you know. -And you're a fool, Toddy -- and no doctor. It's only the dead ones that you know. I am a doctor. I teach medicine. -I am a doctor. I teach medicine. Like Knox taught you? Like I taught you? In cellars and graveyards? Did Knox teach you what makes the blood flow? -Like Knox taught you? Like I taught you? In cellars and graveyards? Did Knox teach you what makes the blood flow? The heart pumps it. -The heart pumps it. Did he tell you how thoughts come and how they go and why things are remembered and forgot? -Did he tell you how thoughts come and how they go and why things are remembered and forgot? The nerve centers -- the brain -- -The nerve centers -- the brain -- But what makes a thought start? -But what makes a thought start? In the brain, I tell you. I know. -In the brain, I tell you. I know. You don't know and you'll never know or understand, Toddy. Not from me or from Knox would you learn those things. Look -- -I am a doctor - a good doctor. I could make her walk, but she won't - she won't -- Here, have another glass, MacFarlane. I'll take you home and we'll be friends again -- now that you know that you're Knox's man and my friend -- aye, forever. -Why should I be afraid of you? What are you holding over me? I'll tell you what, Toddy. It's because I ran down the streets with the mud and the stones around my ears and the mob yelling for my blood. It's because you were afraid to face it -- and you're still afraid. -I'll tell you what, Toddy. It's because I ran down the streets with the mud and the stones around my ears and the mob yelling for my blood. It's because you were afraid to face it -- and you're still afraid. No, I'm not afraid. Tell! Shout it from the housetops! And remember this -- they hanged Burke -- they mobbed Hare -- but Dr. Knox is living like a gentleman in London. -Aye, Toddy, there is something in what you say. There is much in what I say, Gray, and if you have any regard for your neck you'll leave now and stay away from my house, my school, and from me. -There is much in what I say, Gray, and if you have any regard for your neck you'll leave now and stay away from my house, my school, and from me. I have no wish for a rope cravat. I've never liked the smell of hemp, so I'll bid you good night, Doctor MacFarlane. -What are you going here? Have I not told you -- Would you grudge me a glass with my old crony, Meg? -I brought you something tonight, MacFarlane -- an interesting specimen -- in very good condition. I've ordered nothing from you. -I've ordered nothing from you. This is a gift. -This is a gift. I take no gifts from you. -I take no gifts from you. This is a gift you'll not return. -This is a gift you'll not return. Get out of here! -Get out of here! Wait, Toddy. That's not hospitable. I want to discuss business. -Wait, Toddy. That's not hospitable. I want to discuss business. You are not to set foot in here again, Gray, for business or any other reason. And you're going out now! -Gray, I must rid myself of you -- you've become a cancer -- a malignant, evil cancer -- rotting my mind. So, Toddy, you've made me a disease, eh? -So, Toddy, you've made me a disease, eh? I can't understand your hurt to me -- but I must cut you out. -Surely you are not threatening an old friend, Toddy. We have never been friends. -Have another glass of something good, Toddy. I've drunk enough tonight. -I've drunk enough tonight. Another little drop'll never do you any harm. -You're getting old, Gray, and it's a hard life driving a cab through these wet and windy streets of Edinburgh -- I have other means of sustenance. -I have other means of sustenance. The Resurrection business? That may end sooner than you think. New laws may come. -What I was going to say is this -- wouldn't you be more comfortable at Leith in a neat little house? Would you bribe me to leave you be? -Would you bribe me to leave you be? I would make you rich. -I would make you rich. It wouldn't be half so much fun for me. Toddy, as to have you come here and beg -- -It wouldn't be half so much fun for me. Toddy, as to have you come here and beg -- Beg -- beg of you! You crawling graveyard rat! -Well then -- I beg you -- I beseech you -- But then I wouldn't have the fun of having you come here and beg again, Toddy. -But why, Gray? Why? Because it would be a hurt to me to see you no more, Toddy. You're a pleasure to me. -Because it would be a hurt to me to see you no more, Toddy. You're a pleasure to me. A pleasure to torment me? -A pleasure to torment me? No -- a pride to know that I can force you to my will. I'm a small man -- a humble man -- and being poor, I've had to do much that I did not want to do. But so long as the great Dr. MacFarlane jumps at my whistle, that long am I a man -- and if I have not that, I have nothing. Then I am only a cabman and a grave-robber. -I presume you shall. This won't be my last visit here. I want to speak to you alone. I saw something. I heard. -I want to speak to you alone. I saw something. I heard. What did you hear? -What did you hear? I know -- -You're welcome to my little nest, Joseph -- is it not? That's right -- you have something to say to me -- something very private. Yes. -Yes. Now that is very interesting -- Take a chair, Joseph, -Can anyone hear what we say? Only Brother. -Only Brother. I know that you kill people to sell bodies. -You say you've come here on your own account? No one knows you are here? "Give me money or I'll tell the police you murder the ""subjects.""" -I have made you give me money, but you smile. Aren't you angry? No, Joseph. I'm not angry -- here -- another glass of brandy --I'll wager it's better than the doctor's. -You and I should work together. You mean we would sell the bodies to the doctors together? Dig them up? -You mean we would sell the bodies to the doctors together? Dig them up? "No digging Joseph. The churchyards are too well guarded. We will ""Burke"" them," -"No digging Joseph. The churchyards are too well guarded. We will ""Burke"" them," Burke them? -Burke them? You are lately come to Scotland, Joseph? -You are lately come to Scotland, Joseph? I come from Lisbon. -I come from Lisbon. But still you may have heard the peddlers of verse cry out their names on the streets. -"""The ruffian dogs, the Hellish pair. The villain Burke, the meager Hare --""" I never heard that song. But what did they do? -I never heard that song. But what did they do? Eighteen persons they killed and sold the bodies to Dr. Knox at ten pounds for a large and eight pounds for a small. That's good business, Joseph. -But where did they get those people? That was Hare's end. Ah, you should have seen him on the streets, when he saw some old beldam deep in drink how he cozened her! -"""A good-day to you Madame Tosspot, and would you like a little glass of something before you take your rest? Come with me to my house and I'll make you my guest. You shall have quarts to drink if you like."" Ah, how he cozened them." We could do that. But when he had them there, then what? -We could do that. But when he had them there, then what? """Nor did they handle axe or knife To take away their victim's life -- No sooner done than in a chest They crammed their lately welcome guest.""" -I don't understand the song. Tell me plain how they did it. "I'll show you how it was done, Joseph. -- I'll show you how they ""Burked"" them." -Was the paralysis immediate? No, Doctor. She seemed to get better, then about six months later she began to complain of pain in her back -- -No, Doctor. She seemed to get better, then about six months later she began to complain of pain in her back -- How long after that was the paralysis complete? -How long after that was the paralysis complete? Nearly a year. -Nearly a year. Any attacks of pain since? -Any attacks of pain since? Yes, Doctor. -Yes, Doctor. Is her pain sporadic or constant? -Is her pain sporadic or constant? It comes at intervals. They used to be months apart -- but they've been growing more frequent -- much more frequent. -It comes at intervals. They used to be months apart -- but they've been growing more frequent -- much more frequent. See here, child, when you have this pain in your back, where is it? -Child seems to take to the lad. What sort of an accident was it, Ma'am? A carriage overturned. My husband was killed and Georgina was hurt. -A carriage overturned. My husband was killed and Georgina was hurt. How long ago? -How long ago? Three years. -But can anything be done for her? Perhaps -- a delicate operation -- an operation which has never been performed -- but it could be performed. I'm sure it could be -- I could incise the columna dorsi -- -Believe me, Madame, if I were only a doctor, I would undertake this operation at once. But I'm more dominie than doctor -- I've a school to run. But, Doctor, surely in a case like this -- a child -- a little child who can never walk or run -- -But, Doctor, surely in a case like this -- a child -- a little child who can never walk or run -- I regret it, Ma'am, but I have the responsibility of training thirty other doctors to attend a thousand children like your own. -I regret it, Ma'am, but I have the responsibility of training thirty other doctors to attend a thousand children like your own. There's nothing I can say for one small child? -There's nothing I can say for one small child? I'm not heartless, Ma'am. I have every sympathy for you and for the little girl, but if I were to consent to every operation brought to me, I'd have no time for teaching -- and that's a great responsibility upon me, Ma'am -- a great responsibility. -I'm sorry, Doctor. Georgina's a good child -- a brave child -- you saw how she was during the operation -- but if she can't move, she can't move. But she must be able to move. Everything is in place. -But she must be able to move. Everything is in place. She would if she could. -She would if she could. Then all my surgery is no good. There's something wrong with the child -- something I don't know -- something I can't define -- can't diagnose. I can do nothing for her. -And why not? He's a good lad -- bright and able. Aye. He's a good lad. That's why I ask you, MacFarlane. -Aye. He's a good lad. That's why I ask you, MacFarlane. You think it'll spoil the boy, eh? Was I not assistant to Knox? -You think it'll spoil the boy, eh? Was I not assistant to Knox? Aye -- -Aye -- Did it spoil me, Meg, my lass? -You're daft. What's Gray to me. He's only a man from whom I buy what I need when I need it -- the rest is forgotten. You may deny the devil, Toddy, but you'll not rid yourself of him by saying the devil is dead. -You may deny the devil, Toddy, but you'll not rid yourself of him by saying the devil is dead. Nonsense. You're a fey creature with mad ideas. But you have a wildness that holds me to you, lass. -Nonsense. You're a fey creature with mad ideas. But you have a wildness that holds me to you, lass. No great lady will ever take my place? -Crony indeed! You can get out. -Fettes -- where is Fettes? I'll get him. -You're not going to Gray. He must leave me alone. -You've been with Gray again. Aye. -I hate that picture. Where are they? -Where are they? Can I get you something? A glass of water? A transfusion? -Can I get you something? A glass of water? A transfusion? Where are they? Last chance. -Where are they? Last chance. Or what? You'll bleed all over my carpet? -around, or whatever the hell you're doing here. What are you doing here? I'm looking for my friends. -I'm looking for my friends. See, I heard you were looking for some guy with a scar. How's that going? You find him? Yes? No? -How many innocent people did you leave dead back there? You sent them. I had no choice. -You sent them. I had no choice. Bullshit. You're a killer, that's all you are. A clown with a bird and a rising death toll. You think the world did you wrong?! You did the world wrong. -It was one thing her dad rejected you. But when she did you lost it. You're wrong. -You're wrong. Yeah? I see doubt oozing out your arm. Where do people go when they kill their girlfriends? -Was that it? Well, ok. I'm not dying for your goddamn illusions. You got that? You think you and your girlfriend had some rosy future ahead of you? Bullshit. She was already bored, why do you think she was looking around? You're nothing, Corvis! Less than nothing. -What's been holding me together is the hope that maybe you do go someplace. And I'll be seeing her again soon. Only what will I say? That I was too stupid to find the guy who killed her? That he's down here laughing? Tell her... we'll get him. -Tell her... we'll get him. We won't. -We won't. Someday he'll surface and I'll get him for both of you. I promise. I'll find the guy with the scar. -Check and mate. Dream on. -Two down. Two to go. """Down?"" Wait, don't tell me." -"""Down?"" Wait, don't tell me." The cops from my trial. They killed Lauren. The whole thing was fixed. -You think I'm crazy. I'm thinking... that explains a lot. -Lauren's father's involved. He bought the cops fancy cars, I don't know what else. It's a company called D-E-L-T. I think Lauren found out. What do they do that they had to kill her? -What do they do that they had to kill her? I was hoping you'd find out. -I was hoping you'd find out. Yeah. I sure will. -Leonard, Dutton, Erlich. They don't matter. I want the King. "We're getting there. Because in his so-called construction job, Tommy makes a daily delivery to a place called ""The Hole.""" -"We're getting there. Because in his so-called construction job, Tommy makes a daily delivery to a place called ""The Hole.""" The strip joint? -The strip joint? I believe they call it a connoisseur's club. Owned by DELT. -Where is it? This place? I think we should get some support? -I think we should get some support? What? Call the police? -That was a fucking hollow point! I guess it's true. Guns don't kill people... -Think maybe knives do? Keep that thing away from me. -Keep that thing away from me. "This is not just some ""thing."" It's A C zero zero five." -Fuck! What do you want? A scar. On the arm. Of the man who planted this in Alex Corvis's car. -A scar. On the arm. Of the man who planted this in Alex Corvis's car. There's no scar, you freak. The Corvis kid made it up. -You killed her. I saw it. Bitch killed herself when she shot a cop in the leg. If she' just acted like a girl nothing would have happened. So you're right, spooky. Happy? -Sssshhh. She's resting. Where the fuck did you come from? -Where the fuck did you come from? Big bang, primordial ooze, divine hand of a benevolent creator? All possibilities. Although recent events have given me doubts about the benevolent creator. -You lied at my trial. I don't know you, man. -I don't know you, man. Capital case nine nine dash C one one five. Alex Corvis. Exhibit A. -Hey. I said what I saw. Two kids arguing. A guy and a girl. You said you saw me with this. I never held it until today. -You said you saw me with this. I never held it until today. What's your damage, man? Corvis hacked up that girl like a motherfucker. -One chance to tell the truth, Tommy. Who is the man with the scar? He planted this in my car. There's no scar. Corvis made it up. -Wrong. Answer. Who are you? -What did they give you? "They showed me pictures, what he did to her. Evidence. Said all I had to do was stand up there and not my head ""yes.""" -"They showed me pictures, what he did to her. Evidence. Said all I had to do was stand up there and not my head ""yes.""" What did they give you? -What did they give you? A job. Construction. Twelve an hour. -"We're going to play a little game called ""Who's got the Scar.""" What Scar? What fucking scar? -What Scar? What fucking scar? AAAANK. That's not how we play the game. -You're him! You're Corvis! We fried your ass. You're dead, man! Good thing in a situation like this. -Fucking Zombie. The scar. -The scar. There is no scar. I'm telling you. -I heard you were looking for this. You're the guy killed Dutton. -You're the guy killed Dutton. I want you to think of me as the guy who killed you. -Fuck. Me. What happened to your leg there Officer? Hunting accident? -Not my arm! What you fucking want? I want Lauren. I want my life back. I want... to know why. -I want Lauren. I want my life back. I want... to know why. Why? Why's anything happen? It's all money, man. Money. The girl just got in the way. -The scar. Which of you has it? Nobody. -Are you out of your fucking mind? We're going to die. How can you die if you're already dead? -How can you die if you're already dead? You're him. Corvis. -You're him. Corvis. I was talking about you. -I was a friend of your sister's. I know her friends. -I know her friends. That locket you're holding. You have one just like it. -Yeah, no kidding. Your father gave them to both of you. -Your father gave them to both of you. And he's right over there by the way. What did you do to your face? -And he's right over there by the way. What did you do to your face? Someone else did it. -Someone else did it. You're a friend of the guy who killed her, aren't you? You almost sound like him. -You're a friend of the guy who killed her, aren't you? You almost sound like him. He didn't kill her. -He didn't kill her. How do you know? -How do you know? I know everything about your sister. I'll prove it to you. -I know everything about your sister. I'll prove it to you. Stay away from me! Dad! Dad! -Daisy. How did you know? I told you, I knew your sister. -I told you, I knew your sister. You killed that cop Dutton. -You killed that cop Dutton. And another one. There. Erlich. Took a wrong turn. -I know who you are. That's why you paint your face. To hide. I'm not hiding. I'm right here. -I'm not hiding. I'm right here. You killed Lauren! You killed her! -I've been shot, and stabbed and thrown from a car and none of it hurt. But what you're doing now, does. I don't know why. My dad was right! He said you'd ruin her life. -My dad was right! He said you'd ruin her life. No. Listen to me. Lauren found out something they didn't want her to know. This. -From the bonfire over there. Look at it. No! Why are you haunting me? -No! Why are you haunting me? Because you need to understand. And you need... to be careful. -This is where it happened. Right over here. Yeah, I know. -Are you ok? When Lauren was missing the police came to our house. They said they were looking for her, right? But I know now they had her, and the reason they brought her here and knew the could blame it on you... -When Lauren was missing the police came to our house. They said they were looking for her, right? But I know now they had her, and the reason they brought her here and knew the could blame it on you... No... -No... ... is that I sent them here. I told them she came here sometimes. With her dirtball boyfriend. That's exactly what I said. -Erin. It's not your fault. It's all my fault. Oh God. I wish I were dead. -It's all my fault. Oh God. I wish I were dead. No. You don't. -No. You don't. Yes I do, I really do. -This tree. Here's where it happened. I don't want to see! -... took everything I ever cared about. Left me with nothing. So you're going to kill him? -So you're going to kill him? Have to find him first. -You know what Lauren and I were fighting about that night? She had a secret, wouldn't tell me... My father. -My father. All I knew, she was pulling away. It made me crazy. -All I knew, she was pulling away. It made me crazy. I used to be so proud of him. My big deal daddy. And now, he's just a crook. Worse even. And the weird thing is... -I wish I could hate him but I can't. He said he'd never hurt either of us, and I know it's true and... I'm going back. It's what Lauren would do. -It's ok, it's ok... It's not. I can't take it. -It's not. I can't take it. Erin. Who? -Erin. Who? I don't know. I found him lying there. -... it connects you to me... No matter what happens... you're innocent... I promise... -In the woods you said you had nothing. But you wouldn't, and I wouldn't if there's some way you don't have to go. Please. At least not right away. Erin. I'll always be with you. -I thought we had an understanding. I thought we understood that discretion is paramount. Yeah, we do. -Yeah, we do. Shut up. -Erlich gimping around in his goddamn hot rod is not discreet. I've got reporters asking me how much he made. I've got the entire force looking at this case now. I know. -I know. You know. -You know. I know the guy leaves a sign. -Tommy Leonard. The eyewitness in the Corvis case. Some hooker phoned it in. There was a riot at his apartment yesterday. -Some hooker phoned it in. There was a riot at his apartment yesterday. Guy dressed for Halloween? -Guy dressed for Halloween? Good for you. You do know something. -They botched the execution. Could say that. -Could say that. Christ. It was Corvis. Tommy Leonard was right. -Fucking crow. Sign of the dead come back to life. -How about sign of a big black bird? The dead can return, given sufficient motivation. And Corvis has that. -Cause if you're losing your mind, I got a right to know. He's looking for something. Won't stop until he finds it. Sometimes the best way to get rid of someone is to let them have what they want. -Just don't believe everything you see. Doubt is a motherfucker. -Doubt is a motherfucker. Give me a hand with this sack of shit. -Maybe we had a case of that here. Get me my kit. You two are majorly demented. Anyone ever tell you that? -Do you believe in ghosts, Nathan? Because there's a ghost threatening us. You mean Alex. -You mean Alex. I mean Lauren. -Because you never accepted that what happened to her was an accident. You killed my daughter. -An accident, Nathan. She was eighteen years old! There were four of them. They stabbed her fifty three times! Where's the fucking accident?! Huh?! Where is it?! -I watched her grow up. Just like you. I know how her mind worked. She kept snooping around because she was worried about you. What you'd gotten yourself into. So stop blaming me. And blame yourself. I do. Every day. -I do. Every day. Erin knows, doesn't she? -Anything wrong? Let's hope not. License and registration please. -What's with your friend there? She's... sick. Actually she never had Mai Tais before. -She's... sick. Actually she never had Mai Tais before. But you, you've had them. -But you, you've had them. Not tonight. Honest. -If you had a license, I bet I'd have seen it by now. How old are you? Fifteen? Look, I'll tell you the truth. Jannie drove us and was supposed to drive us back, she has a license, but I mean... look at her. -You want me to walk a straight line? I want you... to bend over. -I want you... to bend over. Look, can I just call a cab? -Look, can I just call a cab? What did I say? -Why are there so many? Just hold on to me. -I want to take this to Lauren. She'd want it. Honey. I just can't. -Honey. I just can't. Stay in the car. I'll only take a second. -Stay in the car. I'll only take a second. Erin. I know you think she's been talking to you. -Erin. I know you think she's been talking to you. It's not that. Really. It's just... now that he's gone, I think it's time. -Erin! Watch out! -What were you yelling about? This guy said he was a friend of Lauren's. He had like paint all over his face. -This guy said he was a friend of Lauren's. He had like paint all over his face. Are you ok? -Are you ok? What's that supposed to mean? He was right here. He was! -What is it? The cop who found the knife in Corvis's car. -What? What is it? Lauren called me that when we were little. Daisy. No one knew but us. -Lauren called me that when we were little. Daisy. No one knew but us. Honey. It's doesn't mean anything. It's not a message. -Honey. It's doesn't mean anything. It's not a message. That guy in the cemetery today said he knew everything about Lauren. -That guy in the cemetery today said he knew everything about Lauren. It still doesn't mean... -It still doesn't mean... He said he'd prove it. -I think I dropped an earring. Looks like you have them both on. -You're in with them. It's not what you think. -It's not what you think. You killed her! -You killed her! No. -No. Stay away from me! Stay away! -Stay away from me! Stay away! Erin. It wasn't supposed to happen. -They killed her because she found out. About you. -About you. About them. You've got to leave it alone. -Sweetheart... Don't call me that! Don't call me anything! -I would never hurt you or Lauren. Never. Believe me. I don't believe you. -I don't believe you. Please. Come inside. -Please. Come inside. I'm never going back in that house again. Get away. -You should see it, Professor Barnhardt! You should go out and see it for yourself! Thanks -- I'm enjoying it right here. -Thanks -- I'm enjoying it right here. The whole city has stopped. People are running around like ants! -The whole city has stopped. People are running around like ants! What a brilliant idea. I never would have thought of it. -What about the people who are coming to the meeting tonight? Have they all arrived? I talked to most of them this morning... They were all very curious about the meeting. -I talked to most of them this morning... They were all very curious about the meeting. Good. Did you speak to our friend Mr. Carpenter? -Good. Did you speak to our friend Mr. Carpenter? He'll be there at 8:30. -He'll be there at 8:30. Tell me, Hilda -- does all this frighten you -- does it make you feel insecure? -Tell me, Hilda -- does all this frighten you -- does it make you feel insecure? Yes, sir -- it certainly does! -Yes, sir -- it certainly does! That's good, Hilda. I'm glad. -You wrote this? It was a clumsy way to introduce myself -- but I understand you're a difficult man to see. I thought you'd have the solution by this time. -It was a clumsy way to introduce myself -- but I understand you're a difficult man to see. I thought you'd have the solution by this time. Not yet. That's why I wanted to see you. -Yes -- that will reproduce the first- order terms. But what about the effect of the other terms? Almost negligible... With variation of parameters, this is the answer. -Almost negligible... With variation of parameters, this is the answer. How can you be so sure? Have you tested this theory? -How can you be so sure? Have you tested this theory? I find it works well enough to get me from one planet to another. I understand you've called a meeting to study our space ship. -I find it works well enough to get me from one planet to another. I understand you've called a meeting to study our space ship. As though unsure of what he's heard) Yes -- yes, I have. -As though unsure of what he's heard) Yes -- yes, I have. My name is Klaatu. I spent two days at your Walter Reed Hospital. Room 309. My doctor's name was Major White -- and I had a very attractive nurse called Ruth, who's getting married next Wednesday. If you are not interested -- or if you intend to turn me over to your Army -- we needn't waste any more time. -You have faith, Professor Barnhardt It isn't faith that makes good science, Mr. Klaatu. Its curiosity. Sit down, please. I have several thousand questions to ask you. -It isn't faith that makes good science, Mr. Klaatu. Its curiosity. Sit down, please. I have several thousand questions to ask you. I would like to explain something of my mission here. -I would like to explain something of my mission here. That was my first question. -That was my first question. It was my intention to discuss this officially -- with all the nations of the Earth -- but I was not allowed the Opportunity. I have come to realize since that your mutual fears and suspicions are merely the normal reactions of a primitive society. We know from scientific observation that you have discovered a rudimentary kind of atomic energy. We also know that you are experimenting with rockets. -It was my intention to discuss this officially -- with all the nations of the Earth -- but I was not allowed the Opportunity. I have come to realize since that your mutual fears and suspicions are merely the normal reactions of a primitive society. We know from scientific observation that you have discovered a rudimentary kind of atomic energy. We also know that you are experimenting with rockets. Yes -- that is true. -Yes -- that is true. In the hands of a mature civilization, these would not be considered weapons of aggression. But in the hands of your people-- We've observed your aggressive tendencies, and we don't trust you with such power. -In the hands of a mature civilization, these would not be considered weapons of aggression. But in the hands of your people-- We've observed your aggressive tendencies, and we don't trust you with such power. If you mean that you are afraid of us-- -If you mean that you are afraid of us-- We want to be sure you don't make -- let us say -- an unfortunate mistake. We know the potentiality of these developments and we are disturbed to find them in the hands of children... You see, we've had atomic energy for five thousand of your years. We discarded instruments like this many centuries ago. So long as you were limited to fighting among yourselves -- with your primitive tanks and planes -- we were unconcerned. But soon you will apply atomic energy to space ships -- and then you become a threat to the peace and security of other planets. That, of course, we cannot tolerate. -We want to be sure you don't make -- let us say -- an unfortunate mistake. We know the potentiality of these developments and we are disturbed to find them in the hands of children... You see, we've had atomic energy for five thousand of your years. We discarded instruments like this many centuries ago. So long as you were limited to fighting among yourselves -- with your primitive tanks and planes -- we were unconcerned. But soon you will apply atomic energy to space ships -- and then you become a threat to the peace and security of other planets. That, of course, we cannot tolerate. These other planets -- do they have peace and security? -These other planets -- do they have peace and security? We had our atomic wars -- thousands of years ago. After that we fought with bows and arrows. Then, slowly, we learned that fighting is no solution -- that aggression leads to chaos. -We had our atomic wars -- thousands of years ago. After that we fought with bows and arrows. Then, slowly, we learned that fighting is no solution -- that aggression leads to chaos. We scientists understand this. Even we primitive scientists. What exactly is the nature of your mission, Mr. Klaatu? -We scientists understand this. Even we primitive scientists. What exactly is the nature of your mission, Mr. Klaatu? I came here to warn you that, by threatening danger, your planet faces danger -- very grave danger. I am prepared, however, to offer a solution. -I came here to warn you that, by threatening danger, your planet faces danger -- very grave danger. I am prepared, however, to offer a solution. Would you care to be more specific? -Would you care to be more specific? What I have to say must be said to all concerned. It is too important to be entrusted to any individual. -I gather that your efforts on the official level were not entirely successful. I come to you as a last resort -- and I confess that my patience is wearing thin. Must I take drastic action in order to get a hearing? -I come to you as a last resort -- and I confess that my patience is wearing thin. Must I take drastic action in order to get a hearing? What -- what sort of action do you mean? -What -- what sort of action do you mean? Violent action -- since that seems to be the only thing you people understand. Leveling the island of Manhattan, perhaps -- or dropping the Rock of Gibraltar into the sea. -Would you be willing to meet with the group of scientists I am calling together?. Perhaps you could explain your mission to them, and they in turn could present it to their various peoples. That's what I came to see you about. -It is not enough to have men of science. We scientists are too easily ignored -- or misunderstood. We must get important men from every field. Educators -- philosophers -- church leaders -- men of vision and imagination -- the finest minds in the world. I leave that in your hands. -I leave that in your hands. You'd have no objection to revealing yourself at this meeting? -You'd have no objection to revealing yourself at this meeting? No -- not at all. -No -- not at all. What about your personal safety in the meantime? What about the Army -- and the police? -What about your personal safety in the meantime? What about the Army -- and the police? My name is Carpenter and I'm a very earthy character living in a respectable boarding house. -My name is Carpenter and I'm a very earthy character living in a respectable boarding house. I'm afraid I can't offer you any real protection. I have no influence in cases of inter-planetary conspiracy. -I'm afraid I can't offer you any real protection. I have no influence in cases of inter-planetary conspiracy. I'm sure I'll be quite safe until the meeting. -I'm sure I'll be quite safe until the meeting. One thing, Mr. Klaatu. Suppose this group should reject your proposals. What is the alternative? -One thing, Mr. Klaatu. Suppose this group should reject your proposals. What is the alternative? I'm afraid you have no alternative. In such, a case the planet Earth would have to be-- --eliminated. -Such power exists? I assure you such power exists. -The people who came to the meeting must be made to realize this. They must understand what is at stake. You mentioned a demonstration of force-- Yes. -Yes. Would such, a demonstration be possible before the meeting? -Would such, a demonstration be possible before the meeting? Yes -- of course. -Yes -- of course. Something that would dramatize for them and for their people the seriousness of the situation. Something that would affect the entire planet. -Something that would dramatize for them and for their people the seriousness of the situation. Something that would affect the entire planet. That can easily be arranged. -That can easily be arranged. I wouldn't want you to harm anybody -- or destroy anything. -I wouldn't want you to harm anybody -- or destroy anything. Why don't you leave it to me? I'll think of something. -Why don't you leave it to me? I'll think of something. Maybe a little demonstration. -Maybe a little demonstration. Something dramatic -- but not destructive. It's quite an interesting problem. Would day after tomorrow be all right? Say about noon? -Bet he is, Mom. Bet he's out looking for that space man. "I think we've all been hearing too much about ""space men.""" -Can I help you look for the space man? Can I? I know what he looks like! He's got a square head -- and, three great big eyes! That's enough, Bobby. I think it's time you went to bed. -Hi Mom! Hello, darling. Good evening, Mr. Carpenter. -Did you have a nice day, dear? Boy, we had a swell time. Didn't we, Mr. Carpenter? -Come on, Bobby. Time to go to bed. Mom -- why does Mr. Carpenter have to go down to the police station? -Mom -- why does Mr. Carpenter have to go down to the police station? I -- I don't know, dear... Perhaps there's some mistake. -We sure had fun today. We saw the space ship and we went to see Professor Barnhardt -- and-- Professor Barnhardt. -Professor Barnhardt. Yeah, sure. Mom, do I have to go to school tomorrow? -Yeah, sure. Mom, do I have to go to school tomorrow? Of course, dear. -Of course, dear. Aw, gee, Mom -- I had plans to play with Mr. Carpenter. -Go to bed, darling. You can finish that in the morning. Okay. -Bobby -- I think it would be better if we didn't see quite so much of Mr. Carpenter Gee, why, Mom? He's my best friend... And he's awful good in arithmetic. He even helps Professor Barnhardt. -Gee, why, Mom? He's my best friend... And he's awful good in arithmetic. He even helps Professor Barnhardt. Did you and Mr. Carpenter really go to see Professor Barnhardt? -Did you and Mr. Carpenter really go to see Professor Barnhardt? Sure we did! He wasn't there but we went to see him. And Mr. Carpenter showed him how to do his arithmetic. -Mom -- is there something wrong with Mr. Carpenter? What do you mean, dear? -What do you mean, dear? I mean -- on account of that policeman last night. You think he's a bank robber, maybe? Or a gangster? -I mean -- on account of that policeman last night. You think he's a bank robber, maybe? Or a gangster? No, dear, of course not. He's a very nice man. I Just think he might prefer to be left alone. Now you get to bed and forget about it. 'Night, darling. -Bobby--! What are you doing up at this hour? I couldn't go to sleep, Mom. I had to tell you! -I couldn't go to sleep, Mom. I had to tell you! Tell me what? -Tell me what? I followed Mr. Carpenter -- right after you left -- and, gee, Mom, where do you think he went? Right into the space ship! -I followed Mr. Carpenter -- right after you left -- and, gee, Mom, where do you think he went? Right into the space ship! Now, Bobby, just a minute-- -Now, Bobby, just a minute-- Honest, Mom, I saw him. It just opened up and he walked right in. And that great big iron man was moving around! -Honest, Mom, I saw him. It just opened up and he walked right in. And that great big iron man was moving around! Bobby, you've been dreaming again. -Bobby, you've been dreaming again. No, I haven't, Mom. I promise you... I saw it! -Now think back hard. You didn't follow Mr. Carpenter at all, did you? You haven't even been out of the house. Yes, I have! -Yes, I have! You didn't really see the space ship. You just thought you did. -He gave these to you? Well, not exactly. I gave him two dollars. -Gee, Mom, do you think maybe he's a diamond smuggler? Come on, darling -- we're going up to bed. -Oh, boy -- can I, Mom? Yes, dear. Come on now. Bobby, your shoes are soaking! -Yes, dear. Come on now. Bobby, your shoes are soaking! Yeah -- the grass was kind of wet. -Are you an FBI man? No -- I'm afraid not. -Bobby -- who's the greatest man in America today? Gee -- I don't know... The space man, I guess. -Gee -- I don't know... The space man, I guess. I was speaking of earth men. I meant the greatest philosopher -- the greatest thinker. -Well -- Professor Barnhardt, I guess. He's the greatest scientist in the world. He lives here in Washington, doesn't he? -He lives here in Washington, doesn't he? Sure. Right near where my mother works. -Sure. Right near where my mother works. Where is that? -Where is that? Department of Commerce. She's a secretary. They have a man they call the Secretary, but he isn't at all. My mother's a real secretary. Mr. Carpenter -- now can we go see the space ship? -Boy, I'll bet he's strong. I bet he could knock down a whole building. I shouldn't be at all surprised. -Gee, I'd like to get inside and see how it works. What do you think makes it go? Well -- atomic power, I would imagine. -Well -- atomic power, I would imagine. I thought that was only for bombs. -I thought that was only for bombs. No. It's for a lot of other things, too. -No. It's for a lot of other things, too. You think it can go faster than an F- 36? -You think it can go faster than an F- 36? Yes -- I think so. -Maybe four thousand miles an hour. And outside the Earth's atmosphere a good deal faster. Gee! How could they make a landing? -Gee! How could they make a landing? Well -- there are several ways to reduce landing speed. You see, the velocity-- -You think they'll ever find him? I don't know, Bobby. I'm inclined to doubt it. -I don't know, Bobby. I'm inclined to doubt it. Mr. Carpenter -- what does velocity mean? -Mr. Carpenter -- what does velocity mean? Velocity is the time rate of change of position. -Bobby -- I have an idea. Let's go see Professor Barnhardt and find out how he talks. You're just kidding, aren't you? -You're just kidding, aren't you? Wouldn't you like to meet him? -Wouldn't you like to meet him? Well, sure I would, but -- Aw, I'll bet you'd be scared. -Well, sure I would, but -- Aw, I'll bet you'd be scared. We can scare him more than he can scare us. -What does that mean? It's a problem in celestial mechanics. -It's a problem in celestial mechanics. Bet he's the only one in the world knows the answer. -Bet he's the only one in the world knows the answer. He doesn't know the answer. And he'll never get it that way. -Did all these people die in wars? Sure. Didn't you ever hear of Arlington Cemetery? -Sure. Didn't you ever hear of Arlington Cemetery? No -- I'm afraid not. -No -- I'm afraid not. "Mr. Carpenter"" -- you don't seem to know about anything." -"Mr. Carpenter"" -- you don't seem to know about anything." I'll tell you, Bobby -- I've been away for a long time. Very far away. -I'll tell you, Bobby -- I've been away for a long time. Very far away. Is it different where you've been? Don't they have places like this? -Is it different where you've been? Don't they have places like this? They have cemeteries. But not like this one... You see, they don't have any wars. -Go to the movies. All right. -All right. No foolin'? Will you? -No foolin'? Will you? Certainly. Tell me, Bobby -- do you have to have money to go there? -I've got some money. My mother gave me two dollars. No -- I want to take you to the movies. Do you think they'd accept these? -Gee -- those look like diamonds! Some places that's what people use for money. They're easy to carry -- and they don't wear out. -Some places that's what people use for money. They're easy to carry -- and they don't wear out. Bet they're worth about a million dollars. -Bet they're worth about a million dollars. Would you give me your two dollars for a couple of them? -Would you give me your two dollars for a couple of them? Well, sure, but-- -Let's not say anything to my mother about this, Mr. Carpenter. Why not, Bobby? -Why not, Bobby? She doesn't like me to steal from people. -Mrs. Benson -- this is Mr. Brady. Mr. Brady's a cop. -We certainly did. We went to the movies -- and we had ice cream cones -- and we went to see Daddy-- -Aw, gee -- we didn't finish our story. We'll finish it tomorrow... Goodnight, Bobby. -We'll finish it tomorrow... Goodnight, Bobby. Goodnight. -All you have to remember is, first find the common denominator -- then subtract. Thanks, Mr. Carpenter. -Thanks, Mr. Carpenter. I'll say goodnight again. -Bobby -- have you a flashlight? Yeah -- sure. It's a real Boy Scout flashlight. -What do you want it for, Mr. Carpenter? Why -- the light in my room went out. Thank you, Bobby. Goodnight. -The skeletal structure is completely normal. Same for the major organs -– heart, liver, spleen, kidneys. And the lungs are the same as ours. Must mean a similar atmosphere -- similar pressure. How old do you think he is? -And the lungs are the same as ours. Must mean a similar atmosphere -- similar pressure. How old do you think he is? Oh, I'd say forty-five. -Oh, I'd say forty-five. He told me this morning when I examined him. He's seventy-eight. -He told me this morning when I examined him. He's seventy-eight. I don't believe it. -I don't believe it. Their life expectancy is a hundred and thirty. -Their life expectancy is a hundred and thirty. How does he explain that? -How does he explain that? He says their medicine is that much more advanced. He was very nice about it. But he made me feel like a third-class witch doctor. -My name is Harley -- Secretary to the President I've been told that you speak our language -- that your name is Mr. Klaatu. Just Klaatu. -Just Klaatu. The President asked me to convey his deepest apologies for what has happened. We all feel-- -The President asked me to convey his deepest apologies for what has happened. We all feel-- Sit down, Mr. Harley. -I'm sure I don't have to point out that your arrival was something of a surprise. Had you been traveling long? About five months -- your months. -About five months -- your months. You must have come a long way. -You must have come a long way. About 250 million of your miles. -Naturally we're very curious to know where it is you come from. From another planet. Let's just say that we're neighbors. -It's rather difficult for us to think of another planet as a neighbor. I'm afraid, in the present situation you'll have to learn to think that way. -I'm afraid, in the present situation you'll have to learn to think that way. The present situation? -The present situation? I mean the reasons for my coming here. -I mean the reasons for my coming here. We're very curious about that, too. Would you care to talk about it? -We're very curious about that, too. Would you care to talk about it? I'd be glad to. Not now, of course -- with you alone. -I'd be glad to. Not now, of course -- with you alone. Perhaps you'd rather discuss it personally with the President-- -Perhaps you'd rather discuss it personally with the President-- This is not a personal matter, Mr. Harley. It concerns all the people on your planet. -This is not a personal matter, Mr. Harley. It concerns all the people on your planet. I -- I'm not sure I understand-- -I -- I'm not sure I understand-- I want to meet with representatives from all the nations of the Earth. -I want to meet with representatives from all the nations of the Earth. I'm afraid that would be a little awkward. It's -- it's completely without precedent. And there are practical considerations -- the time involved -- the enormous distances. -I'm afraid that would be a little awkward. It's -- it's completely without precedent. And there are practical considerations -- the time involved -- the enormous distances. I traveled 250 million miles. What about your United Nations? -I traveled 250 million miles. What about your United Nations? You know about the United Nations? -You know about the United Nations? We've been monitoring your radio broadcasts for a good many years. That's how we learned your languages. Lately, we've been getting your television also. -We've been monitoring your radio broadcasts for a good many years. That's how we learned your languages. Lately, we've been getting your television also. You must have a rather strange impression of us. -You must have a rather strange impression of us. The first two years of television we were convinced that all you did was wrestle. -I'm sure you recognize from our broad- casts the evil forces that have produced the tension in our world. Surely you would agree-- I am not concerned, Mr. Harley, with the internal affairs of your planet. I consider that to be your business -- not mine. -I am not concerned, Mr. Harley, with the internal affairs of your planet. I consider that to be your business -- not mine. I was only hoping to make you understand. -I was only hoping to make you understand. My mission here is not to solve your petty squabbles. It concerns the existence of every last creature who lives on Earth. -My mission here is not to solve your petty squabbles. It concerns the existence of every last creature who lives on Earth. Perhaps if you could explain a little-- -Perhaps if you could explain a little-- I intend to explain. To all the nations -- simultaneously. How do we proceed, Mr. Harley? -We could call a special meeting of the General Assembly... But of course the UN doesn't represent all of the nations. Then why not a meeting of all the Chiefs of State? -Then why not a meeting of all the Chiefs of State? Believe me, you don't understand. They wouldn't sit down at the same table. -I will make that recommendation to the President. I must tell you in all honesty that I'm extremely dubious about the results. Apparently I'm not as cynical about Earth's people as you are. -Apparently I'm not as cynical about Earth's people as you are. I've been dealing in Earth's politics a good deal longer than you have. Goodnight, sir. -Good afternoon. I'm glad to see you up and around. Thank you... Have you any news? -Thank you... Have you any news? "Not very good news, I'm afraid. The President accepted your suggestion and cabled the invitations for a meeting last night. Let me read you some of the replies. ""The Premier wishes to inform the Government of the United States that it will be impossible for him to attend the meeting suggested by the President unless the meeting is held in Moscow."" ""The suggestion of the President regarding the possibility of a meeting in Moscow would be unacceptable to Her Majesty's Government at the present time. Representation could be sent only if the meeting were held in Washington."" Well -- there you have it." -I tried to make you understand. The suspicions -- the jealousies -- the mistrust-- Surely you realize that my government has done everything in its power-- It's not your government I'm thinking about. It's your world. -It's not your government I'm thinking about. It's your world. Now that you understand the situation more clearly, perhaps you'd like to discuss the matter with the President -Now that you understand the situation more clearly, perhaps you'd like to discuss the matter with the President I will not speak to any one nation or group of nations. I don't intend to add my contribution to your childish jealousies and suspicions. -I will not speak to any one nation or group of nations. I don't intend to add my contribution to your childish jealousies and suspicions. Our problems are very complex, Mr. Klaatu. You mustn't judge us too harshly. -Our problems are very complex, Mr. Klaatu. You mustn't judge us too harshly. I can judge only by what I see. -I can judge only by what I see. Your impatience is quite understandable. -Your impatience is quite understandable. I am impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it. -I am impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it. I'm afraid my people haven't. I'm very sorry -- I wish it were otherwise. -Before making any decisions, I think I should get out among your people -- become familiar with the basis for these strange, unreasoning attitudes. Under the circumstances I'm afraid that will be impossible. -We're all set. I picked up some sandwiches and put gas in the car. And the radio's still busted, so me can forget about the space man for today. There's only one thing -- I haven't been able to arrange for anyone to stay with Bobby. I don't suppose we could take him with us? -There's only one thing -- I haven't been able to arrange for anyone to stay with Bobby. I don't suppose we could take him with us? Well, we could-- -Well, we could-- There's always somebody here, but today of course they've all got plans. -It was a wonderful day. You still haven't answered my question. -You still haven't answered my question. You know how I feel, Tom. I just want to think it over. -You know how I feel, Tom. I just want to think it over. The boss is leaving for Chicago tomorrow. If I could tell him I was getting married -- with two dependents-- -The boss is leaving for Chicago tomorrow. If I could tell him I was getting married -- with two dependents-- You're a good salesman -- but I've got to think about it. -You're a good salesman -- but I've got to think about it. A good insurance salesman wouldn't give you time to think. -Hello-- You ready? -You ready? I will be in just a minute. -I will be in just a minute. The picture starts at eight-fifty. -The picture starts at eight-fifty. I was talking to Mr. Carpenter. -I was talking to Mr. Carpenter. I hope Mr. Carpenter won't think I'm intruding. -Oh, Tom, that was awful. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just tired of hearing about Mr. Carpenter. I don't like the way he's attached himself to you and Bobby. After all, what do you know about him? -He's not there. But look what I found in his room Is it real? -Is it real? Looks real to me. -I wonder if we ought to-- Bobby and I have had enough excitement for tonight. -Bobby and I have had enough excitement for tonight. You think it's all right for you to stay here? -You think it's all right for you to stay here? I've got a good lock on my door. And Bobby's going to sleep in my room tonight. -I'm at Bleeker's getting an appraisal on that diamond. I thought we might have lunch together. I -- I'm afraid I can't -- not right now. Can I talk to you later?. Yes, that'll be fine. 'Bye. -Tom -- I've been trying to get you all afternoon-- Come on in. -I've got some terrific news about your friend, Mr. Carpenter. What about him? -What about him? Helen, he's the man from the space ship! I had that diamond checked at three different places. Nobody on earth's ever seen a stone like that! After what Bobby told us, that's enough for me. Why is it nobody knows anything about him? Why hasn't he got any money? -Helen, he's the man from the space ship! I had that diamond checked at three different places. Nobody on earth's ever seen a stone like that! After what Bobby told us, that's enough for me. Why is it nobody knows anything about him? Why hasn't he got any money? All right, Tom -- it's true. I know it's true. -All right, Tom -- it's true. I know it's true. How do you know? -How do you know? Never mind about that. You've got to promise me you won't say a word to anybody. -Never mind about that. You've got to promise me you won't say a word to anybody. Are you crazy? After what happened today? -Are you crazy? After what happened today? You don't understand. You don't realize how important it is. -You don't understand. You don't realize how important it is. Important? Of course it's important. The point is we can do something about it. -Important? Of course it's important. The point is we can do something about it. That's what I'm trying to tell you. We mustn't do anything about it. Believe me, Tom, I know what I'm talking about. -That's what I'm trying to tell you. We mustn't do anything about it. Believe me, Tom, I know what I'm talking about. He's a menace to the whole world! It's our duty to turn him in. -He's a menace to the whole world! It's our duty to turn him in. But he isn't a menace! He told me what he came here for. -But he isn't a menace! He told me what he came here for. He told you... Don't be silly, honey -- just because you like the guy. You realize what this'd mean for us? I'd be the biggest man in the country. I could write my own ticket. -He told you... Don't be silly, honey -- just because you like the guy. You realize what this'd mean for us? I'd be the biggest man in the country. I could write my own ticket. Is that what you're thinking about? -Is that what you're thinking about? Why not? Somebody's got to get rid of him. -Tom, you mustn't -- ! You don't know what you're doing! It isn't just you and Mr. Carpenter. The rest of the world, is involved! I don't care about the rest of the world! -You'll feel different when you see my picture in the papers. I feel different right now. -I feel different right now. You wait and see. You're going to marry a big hero! -You wait and see. You're going to marry a big hero! I'm not going to marry anybody. -I don't know how to thank you. I enjoyed every minute of it. -Everyone seems so-- Jittery is the word. -Bobby's the only person I know who isn't -- Jittery. He has his homework to keep him occupied. -He has his homework to keep him occupied. He's a fine boy, Mrs. Benson. -He's a fine boy, Mrs. Benson. Naturally I think so. -Naturally I think so. Warm and friendly and intelligent-- You know -- he's the only real friend I've made since I've been here. -Mr. Carpenter -- this is none of my business, but -- why did that detective come here last night? Oh -- they just wanted to ask me a few questions. Bobby and I tried to see Professor Barnhardt in the afternoon, but he wasn't in. Apparently they thought I was looking for secrets of some kind. -Excuse me. I was just going up to my room. Goodnight, Mr. Carpenter. -Mr. Carpenter, I-- Goodnight. Goodnight, my dear. -Oh -- hello-- May I see you for a minute? -May I see you for a minute? I -- I was Just going to lunch. -I -- I was Just going to lunch. May I walk out with you? -I saw Bobby this morning before he went to school-- Yes--? -Yes--? I want to know what he told you last night. -I want to know what he told you last night. I -- I didn't really pay much attention-- Bobby has such an active imagination. -I -- I didn't really pay much attention-- Bobby has such an active imagination. Did you believe what he told you? I have a reason for asking this -- a very important reason. -What is it you want? Before I ask you to be honest with me, perhaps I should be completely honest with you-- -What happened? What time is it? -Just twelve. We'll be stuck here for a little while -- about thirty minutes. -We'll be stuck here for a little while -- about thirty minutes. We could try pushing the other buttons. I have a flashlight in my purse. -We could try pushing the other buttons. I have a flashlight in my purse. It won't work. -Why not? You see -- the electricity's been neutralized -- all over the world. -You hold great hope for this meeting. I can see no other hope for your planet. If the meeting should fail, then I'm afraid there is no hope. -It must be twelve-thirty. Yes -- Just exactly. -Where are you going now? Back to the boardinghouse. I'll be safe there for the afternoon -- and I can keep an eye on Bobby. He's the only other person who knows anything about-- -No, wait a minute -- there's someone else. Who? -Who? Tom... He was there last night when Bobby told me what he saw. -I'm sure Barnhardt can arrange to hide me until the meeting. Where is the meeting going to be? -Where is the meeting going to be? At the ship. -It's only a few blocks to Barnhardt's. I'm worried about Gort. I'm afraid of what he might do -- if anything should happen to me. -I'm worried about Gort. I'm afraid of what he might do -- if anything should happen to me. Gort? But he's a robot. I mean -- without you, what could he do? -Gort? But he's a robot. I mean -- without you, what could he do? "There's no limit to what he could do. He could destroy the Earth. If anything should happen to me, you must go to Gort. You must give him this message: ""Klaatu barada nikto."" Please repeat that." -"There's no limit to what he could do. He could destroy the Earth. If anything should happen to me, you must go to Gort. You must give him this message: ""Klaatu barada nikto."" Please repeat that." """Klaatu barada nikto.""" -"""Klaatu barada nikto.""" Remember those words. -Hello. I -- I thought you were-- -I -- I thought you were-- I was. -I was. You mean he has the power of life and death? -You mean he has the power of life and death? No -- that is a power reserved to the Almighty Spirit. -No -- that is a power reserved to the Almighty Spirit. This technique, in certain cases, can re-stimulate life for a limited period. It's a refinement of scientific principles known to your own people. -This technique, in certain cases, can re-stimulate life for a limited period. It's a refinement of scientific principles known to your own people. But how -- how long--? -But how -- how long--? How long will I live? That no one can say. -We'll miss you very much -- Bobby and I. He won't have anyone to play with. He'll have you -- and Tom. -He'll have you -- and Tom. No. That's all finished. -No. That's all finished. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. I think I'm very lucky. You don't always get a chance to recognize a mistake before you make it. -How dare you write on that blackboard! Do you realize the Professor has been working on that problem for weeks? He'll catch on to it in no time now. -He'll catch on to it in no time now. How did you get in here? And what do you want? -How did you get in here? And what do you want? We came to see Professor Barnhardt. -We came to see Professor Barnhardt. Well, he's not here. And he won't be back till this evening. I think you'd better leave now. Unruffled, Klaatu turns to the desk and scribbles something on a scratch pad. He tears off the piece of paper and hands it to Hilda. -Well, he's not here. And he won't be back till this evening. I think you'd better leave now. Unruffled, Klaatu turns to the desk and scribbles something on a scratch pad. He tears off the piece of paper and hands it to Hilda. You might keep this. I think the professor will want to get in touch with me. -Is it worth anything? I have never seen such a stone. Will you please tell me where it came from? -I have never seen such a stone. Will you please tell me where it came from? That's what I wanted you to tell me. -That's what I wanted you to tell me. There are no diamonds like this -- any place in the world. -You sure about that? Would you like to sell it? -Would you like to sell it? No -- no, thanks. -No -- no, thanks. I'd give you a very good price. -The Professor's secretary says she found you in Barnhardt's room, making marks on his blackboard. I was only trying to be helpful. He was having difficulty with a problem. -Oh, I see. He was having trouble and you were helping him out. That's right. -That's right. I suppose you know that Barnhardt does a lot of secret work for the Army. -I suppose you know that Barnhardt does a lot of secret work for the Army. In this case the secret wouldn't be worth much. He doesn't know the answer himself. -In this case the secret wouldn't be worth much. He doesn't know the answer himself. But I suppose you know the answer. -But I suppose you know the answer. It's really quite simple... The three- body problem, you know. -Your name's Carpenter -- that right? Any identification, Mr. Carpenter? Driver's license -- social security number? No -- I'm afraid not. -No -- I'm afraid not. Well, how do I know who you are? -Well, how do I know who you are? You don't. -Okay -- book him and get him fixed up. Looks like everybody's goin' nuts. They would have killed this man? -They would have killed this man? People get hysterical enough, they do anything. Look, Mr. Carpenter -- if you can't identify yourself, I got to send you over to the Army. -People get hysterical enough, they do anything. Look, Mr. Carpenter -- if you can't identify yourself, I got to send you over to the Army. How long will that take? -How long will that take? They can tell right away. They've got a couple of doctors who saw this man in the hospital. Take him over to G2. -May I suggest that you call the Professor? Get going, will you, Brady -- before I get mad! -Just passing through Santa Carla? No, I'm a resident as of today and you'll probably be seeing a lot of me... I've been collecting comic books all my life... perhaps you'd like to see my collection? -I don't like horror comics. This one could save your life. -How do you like Santa Carla? It's a pretty cool place if you're a Martian. -Yeah, you think we just work in a comic book store for our dad, huh? This isn't a comic book store, right. It's a bakery. -We're fighters for Truth, Justice, and the American Way. You better get some fresh air. -I don't like horror comics. Think of this more as a survival manual... there's our number on the back, and pray that you never need to call us. -Think of this more as a survival manual... there's our number on the back, and pray that you never need to call us. I'm gonna pray that I never need to call you. -All day. Can't stand light? -Can't stand light? Wears sunglasses in the house. -Salt sticks to the bottom of his feet. Yeah. -Yeah. He's a vampire alright. -Why not? He's my brother. -He's my brother. You better get a garlic T-shirt, buddy. -They wouldn't be out in the daytime. Exactly how many vampires have you actually destroyed? -I'll have to drive! We don't ride with vampires. -We don't ride with vampires. Fine! Stay here! -Burn rubber does not mean warp speed! We blew it, Edgar! We lost it! -They're gaining on us! You gotta drive! -Well... we blew Plan A. Time to activate Plan B. -Time to activate Plan B. What's Plan B? -We've been aware of some very serious vampire activity in this town for a long time. Santa Carla has become a haven for the undead. -Santa Carla has become a haven for the undead. As a matter of fact, we're almost certain that ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at City Hall. -All together? Zero. -Okay. Where's Nosferatu? The Prince of Darkness. -The Prince of Darkness. The nightcrawler. The bloodsucker. -The nightcrawler. The bloodsucker. El Vampiro. -Should I run him through? I've only got one question for you, and I want an honest answer. Have you taken any human victims yet? -Shut up! We unraveled in the face of the enemy! -We unraveled in the face of the enemy! They pulled a mind-scramble on us, man! It wasn't our fault! They opened their eyes and talked! -They're looking at us. They're gonna book us. -Good. That's just the way we like it. -Did you see that sucker burn?! Man, we totally annihilated his night-stalkin' ass! -Man, we totally annihilated his night-stalkin' ass! Two down and two to go. -Two down and two to go. Four to go. -Four to go. Whattaya mean? -Whattaya mean? Those two we brought back with us. The girl and the kid. I don't trust 'em. I say we terminate 'em while we can. -Those two we brought back with us. The girl and the kid. I don't trust 'em. I say we terminate 'em while we can. You know what? You're absolutely right. -Death to all vampires! Maximum body-count. -Maximum body-count. We are awesome monster-bashers! -We are awesome monster-bashers! The meanest! -The meanest! The baddest! -We still going? Honda 250, huh? -Honda 250, huh? That's right. -That's right. C'mon, Star. Climb on. -C'mon, Star. Climb on. Star?... -I can't beat a Triumph. You don't have to beat me, Michael. Just try to keep up. -We were gonna grab some food. Good idea. Marko. We're hungry. -So how do you like those maggots, Michael? What?... -What?... You're eating maggots. How do they taste? -Don't! Stop! Why? They're only noodles. -I'm my own man. Get your bike. We're going someplace. -What's going' on? What's goin' on, Marko? -Where is she?! Hey, take it easy. -Hey, take it easy. Where's Star, David?! -Where's Star, David?! If you ever want to see Star again, then you better come with us. -What is this, David? You're one of us, now -- aren't you? -Where you going? For a ride. -For a ride. With him? -With him? Yeah. -C'mon, Michael. I want to go. No. Stick around. -Leave him alone. Sorry, Michael. No hard feelings, huh? Here. Try these noodles. -Look. You're almost one of us now, Michael. -You can't kill me, Star. I will, David! -I will, David! No, Star. Put it down. Put it down. -And these Archies should be over here with the Richie Rich's. Where the hell are you from, Kryton??? -Where the hell are you from, Kryton??? Phoenix actually and these Bullwinkle and... -Or a vampire. Are you guys sniffing old newsprint or something? -Are you guys sniffing old newsprint or something? You think you're cool, don't you? You think you know what's really happening, don't you? Well, you don't know shit, buddy. -This is just our cover. We're dedicated to a higher purpose. Now I get it... you're like those people in the airport trying to get you to give them money. You're part of a cult. -Bad breath? Long fingernails? His fingernails are longer, but he always has bad breath. -Get yourself a good sharp stake and drive it through his heart. I can't do that! -I have something to tell you guys. Not only is my own brother showing systems of being a vampire... but now I'm convinced my mother's dating one! That is very probable. What's your reasoning? -That is very probable. What's your reasoning? Well... he only shows up at the store after dark. And today, his dog attacked my mom. Listen to this. From Vampires Everywhere... 'Vampires require a daytime protector -- a Guardian -- to watch over them as they sleep. For it is during the day that the vampire is most vulnerable. Since they hold sway over animals, fierce dogs -- the hounds of Hell -- are often employed for this purpose.' -I wish they were vampires so I could nuke them in their hearts. How do you know they're not? -He's not glowing. Hit the lights again. -He's telling the truth! Aren't you, Michael? To free you, we must destroy the leader of the vampires. -Just so you know: If you try to stop us, or vamp-out in any way, I'll stake you without thinking twice about it. Chill out Edgar. -What's that smell!? Vampires, my friend. Vampires. -I thought they'd be in coffins. That's exactly what this place is. One great big coffin. Let's stake 'em. -Oh, no... What? -What? There's a cop behind us. -No, Nanook! Quiet! Your dog knows flesh-eaters when he smells 'em! -We don't have one yet. And we only have two and a half hours to come up with one. What happens in tow and a half hours? -What happens in tow and a half hours? The dun goes down and they'll be comin' for us. -Of course not! If you're telling the truth, it means we can save you. -David. I don't want names! Just lead me to him. Where's their nest? -I don't want names! Just lead me to him. Where's their nest? I'll take you there. -I said, I'll take you there. Nobody's going near Star without me. Okay, okay. -Don't go out there! Stop him! Sam, don't -- -Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew didn't improve her situation by getting divorced. A big legal war wasn't going to improve anybody's situation. We've all been through enough. Besides I was raised better than that. Thanks for having us, Dad. -Ouch, my hair... When I dressed like you do now, you threw me out of the house. I used to hate your short hair and your uptight suits... then I went ahead and married one... I went Yuppie and you became a hippie... Were still out of synch. -I can't sleep with the closet door open, either. Not even a crack. Your father doesn't mind, though. It could be wide open for all he cared. I think one of the reasons I divorced him was because he never believed... in the horror... of the closet monster! Closet monster!? -Dad! Don't sneak up on people like that! It's called the Indian walk. Walkin' without makin' a sound. -Smells good. When do we eat? I told Max eight o'clock. -I told Max eight o'clock. Max? You men we're having company again? -Max? You men we're having company again? 'Again'? Dad... you haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago. -'Again'? Dad... you haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago. Right. An' now we're having company again. I'll take mine to go. -... And stay outta here. You have a T.V.? -You have a T.V.? No, I just like to read the T.V. Guide. Read the T.V. Guide, you don't need a T.V... -Thanks, Grandpa... Lots more where he came from. -Grandpa, stop doin' the Indian Walk! Gotta keep in practice. It's a dyin' art. -Gotta keep in practice. It's a dyin' art. Good! -Good! Whatcha doin' over here? -Whatcha doin' over here? Oh... I was just... having a look at your truck. What's all that wood in there for? -Oh... I was just... having a look at your truck. What's all that wood in there for? Been fixin' to build me fence one of these days. Bought all the materials, then put it off... for about ten years. Well, one more day won't hurt. Wanna go into town with me? -Been fixin' to build me fence one of these days. Bought all the materials, then put it off... for about ten years. Well, one more day won't hurt. Wanna go into town with me? Great. I wanna get some new comics. -Are we havin' fun or what? I thought we were goin' into town. -I thought we were goin' into town. I hate goin' into town. That's about as close to town as I like to get. -Grandpa, the Widow Johnson called. She said to pick her up a seven instead of eight. Did we have a date tonight? -Did we have a date tonight? I guess so. She said not to be late. -I guess so. She said not to be late. I better get cleaned up, then. -Hi... I'm Laddie. This is Michael. -I had the dream again about them. Who, Laddie? -Who, Laddie? I know it was them, Star. I'm sure of it. He was working in the yard -- hammering something. The yard was big with lots of grass. There was no boardwalk and no ocean. She was bringing him something cold to drink... and had red hair. I was there, too. And a dog -- but I don't know its name. I was running and the dog was chasing me. Then I turned around and chased the dog. They were watching me. Drinking their cold drinks and laughing. And I was laughing, too. -I know it was them, Star. I'm sure of it. He was working in the yard -- hammering something. The yard was big with lots of grass. There was no boardwalk and no ocean. She was bringing him something cold to drink... and had red hair. I was there, too. And a dog -- but I don't know its name. I was running and the dog was chasing me. Then I turned around and chased the dog. They were watching me. Drinking their cold drinks and laughing. And I was laughing, too. Laddie... you can still remember. You can still remember home. -Laddie... you can still remember. You can still remember home. It was a dream, Star. -It was a dream, Star. No, Laddie. It was a memory. -You didn't tell David? No. Just you. -No. Just you. Promise me you'll keep it that way. You're not like the others, Laddie. You're like me. I can still remember, too. -You like Michael. I like Michael. -I like Michael. You better not like him too much. -Still mad at me? For what. -For what. For everything. -He looks dead. He's just a deep sleeper. -He's just a deep sleeper. He's not breathing, Mom. -It's early. Why do we have to go home? Bring your own wheels tomorrow night and you can stay as long as you want... well 'til eleven thirty maybe. -Bring your own wheels tomorrow night and you can stay as long as you want... well 'til eleven thirty maybe. I'll hitch. -I'll hitch. Oh, no, you won't. -See you later. I get off in another twenty minutes. I thought maybe we'd all get a bite together. -I get off in another twenty minutes. I thought maybe we'd all get a bite together. I'll pass. -Michael, are you still in bed? No. I'm up. -No. I'm up. Michael, will you do me a favor this evening? Will you stay home with Sam tonight? I'm meeting Max for dinner after work. -Michael, will you do me a favor this evening? Will you stay home with Sam tonight? I'm meeting Max for dinner after work. I watch him all day. The only time I have more myself is at night. Let Grandpa watch him. -I watch him all day. The only time I have more myself is at night. Let Grandpa watch him. Grandpa has plans of his own. Michael, I want you to do this. Everybody has been bending over backwards for you. You come home late. You sleep in to the middle of the day -- Sam is always alone. You do exactly what you want... tonight do what I want for a change. -Okay? Okay. -Sure. Does that mean we are, or we aren't? -Does that mean we are, or we aren't? We are... -We are... Then let's act like friends. Let's talk. I know this is a new place, and -- --- If there's a girl, we could talk about her. I'm tired now. -I'm tired now. Wait a minute, kiddo. -Wait a minute, kiddo. Mom... please. -Max is coming for dinner, Michael. I'd like you to meet him. Can't. Got plans of my own. -Can't. Got plans of my own. There's only three weeks left of summer, Michael. Things are going to change around here when school starts. -There's only three weeks left of summer, Michael. Things are going to change around here when school starts. Gotta go, Mom. -I didn't invite you in this time! Michael!... -Michael!... Get out, Mom! Run! -We're getting close... What's that smell? -What's that smell? Ocean air! -Ocean air! Smells like something died. -Smells like something died. Guys, I know it hasn't been easy... the divorce and now the move... but I think you're really going to like living in Santa Carla... -Mom, there's an amusement park right on the beach! That's the boardwalk, Sam. -That's the boardwalk, Sam. Can we go now, huh? LUCY Maybe later. Grandpa's expecting us. -Tell them to get something to eat. I thought we were poor. -I thought we were poor. Not that poor. -When you ran away from home, hitch- hiked to Berkeley, spent the night in Golden Gate Park and begged for spare change in the morning? You've heard this story before? -You've heard this story before? So many times, I'm starting to think it happened to me. -Help me, Mom. Help. Soon. -He met a girl. I guess no one cares what I got a job. -I guess no one cares what I got a job. Can we get a T.V.? -Lights out, Sam. Soon as I finish this comic. Okay? -Sam. Is everything all right? Mom. I think we've got to have a long talk about something? -Mom. I think we've got to have a long talk about something? What's wrong? Tell me. -What's wrong? Tell me. We can't talk about it on the phone. -Sam! What happened!? You had me scared to death. Are you all right? Sorry, Mom. It was a mistake. I thought I saw something out the window. I was reading this horror comic and I guess I go a little carried away... -Where's Michael? He's already gone to bed. -Can I sleep in here with you tonight? In here? -In here? Do you mind? It was a real scary comic. -Do you mind? It was a real scary comic. Okay. Have you been eating pizza? You smell like garlic. -These are my dinner guests. Edgar and Alan. The Frog Brothers. Ah... I didn't know you were having guests... -Ah... I didn't know you were having guests... Well if we're in your way we can just eat peanut butter out of the jar in the kitchen. -Well if we're in your way we can just eat peanut butter out of the jar in the kitchen. No, no... there's plenty for everybody... Oh, Max, this is Sam... and the Frog Brothers... -Nanook, stop breathin' on me. C'mere, Nanook. -Oh, no. Now what? Must be a circuit breaker. -What did you say? Vampires, Mom! Everywhere! You've got to tell the police! The newspapers! The TV stations! They'll listen to you. They'll believe you... you're a mom! -Vampires, Mom! Everywhere! You've got to tell the police! The newspapers! The TV stations! They'll listen to you. They'll believe you... you're a mom! Not funny, Sam! -Not funny, Sam! This is not a joke. They know that we know about them. They're coming to the house as soon as it gets dark! -This is not a joke. They know that we know about them. They're coming to the house as soon as it gets dark! Stop it, Sam. Stop it right now! -Stop it, Sam. Stop it right now! But, Mom... -But, Mom... Not another word! I can't believe you're doing this. I'm going to see Max tonight and you're trying to ruin it for me again. -Not another word! I can't believe you're doing this. I'm going to see Max tonight and you're trying to ruin it for me again. No, I'm not... -No, I'm not... There's nothing wrong with Max. I don't know why you don't -- -There's nothing wrong with Max. I don't know why you don't -- -- I'm not talking about Max! To hell with Max! -Ohmygod... Mom! -Mom! What happened? Is everybody all right?! -You've got a generous nature. I like that in a person. My name is Max. Lucy. -Lucy. So what can I help you find tonight, Lucy? We've got it all. Best selection in Santa Carla. -So what can I help you find tonight, Lucy? We've got it all. Best selection in Santa Carla. I'm not looking for a tape. What I need is -- -I'm not looking for a tape. What I need is -- -- a job. --- a job. Do I look that needy? -Say hello to Thorn. Hi, Thorn. -You're cute, Max. I know. It's so 'Eighties.' It's the Cute Decade. -Not impressed, are you? Ohm I would have been... one marriage ago. -So, I've met the one woman on the planet who's going to hold my success against me. You seem like a terrific guy, Max, and I'm grateful for the job... -You seem like a terrific guy, Max, and I'm grateful for the job... But I don't think it's what you really want to do, is it? -But I don't think it's what you really want to do, is it? I guess if I had my choice, I'd like to do something that involves children. Work with kids in some way. Teenagers, maybe. And Santa Carla seems to be full of them. -I guess if I had my choice, I'd like to do something that involves children. Work with kids in some way. Teenagers, maybe. And Santa Carla seems to be full of them. Yeah. Runaways, mostly. They come from all over. Attracted by the boardwalk and the ocean. Lucy... listen I know I have no right to ask you this... but don't look for another job just yet... I mean besides being the best employee I have... I think you're cute. -Yeah. Runaways, mostly. They come from all over. Attracted by the boardwalk and the ocean. Lucy... listen I know I have no right to ask you this... but don't look for another job just yet... I mean besides being the best employee I have... I think you're cute. I hear this is the decade for cute. -Is it okay for the guest to see the food before the dinner? You're thinking of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. -You're thinking of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. Oh, right. I always gets those two confused. -This looks terrific, Lucy. Boy! Somebody areound here sure has bad breath! -Max! What's wrong? It's garlic!! I like garlic, but... -I'm really sorry, Max. Our batting average isn't very good is it? So far we're zero for two. -Our batting average isn't very good is it? So far we're zero for two. I don't understand Sam. He's just not like this. -I don't understand Sam. He's just not like this. Boys Sam's age need a good deal of discipline, or they walk all over you. -Boys Sam's age need a good deal of discipline, or they walk all over you. He doesn't walk all over me. -He doesn't walk all over me. I don't want to fight with you, Lucy. Come on. Let's give it one more try. Dinner at my house, tomorrow night. I'm cooking. -Maybe this is the night where everything finally goes right for a change. I hope so. -Something the matter? No, no. Just worrying about my boys -- as usual. -No, no. Just worrying about my boys -- as usual. Let me tell you something about boys. They're like weeds. They grow best when they're ignored. -Let me tell you something about boys. They're like weeds. They grow best when they're ignored. I thought you said they needed discipline? -I thought you said they needed discipline? Well... what do I know? I'm a bachelor. Lucy... this is going to be a very special night, I promise you. -Max... what are you talking about? It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. One big happy family. My boys... and yours. -Will somebody please tell me what this is all about!? It's you I was after all along, Lucy. To be our day time guardian. I knew if we could bring Sam and Michael into the faimly, there'd be no way you could say no. -How about a little Parmesan cheese on that? Okay, Sam. Thanks. -Does it burn? Burn?? Are you kidding? It's freezing! -I am? Yeah. I'm not trying to replace your Dad... or steal your Mom. I just want to be your friend. -But you passed the test! Michael invited me in. Never invite a vampire into your house. It renders you powerless. -Michael invited me in. Never invite a vampire into your house. It renders you powerless. What?! Did you know that!? -Are you following me? Well, I... -Well, I... Did you want to talk to me? -Well... yeah. Sure. Okay. Talk. -Okay. Talk. I just wanted to... I, uh... -Hi... If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it. -What's your name? Star. -Star. Oh. Your folks, too, huh? -Oh. Your folks, too, huh? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Ex-hippies. My mom was one. I came this close to being called Moon Child, or Moon Beam or something. But Star's great. I like Star. -Ex-hippies. My mom was one. I came this close to being called Moon Child, or Moon Beam or something. But Star's great. I like Star. Me, too. -Me, too. I'm Michael. -I'm Michael. Michael's great. I like Michael. -I guess you're new around here. Sort of. We used to come here summers when I was kid. Now we're here on a permanent basis. -Are you hungry? Wanna get something to eat? Okay. -Ouch. Don't be a baby. That didn't hurt and you know it. -I wouldn't have given my Mom such a hard time about moving here if I'd known I was going to meet you. I used to fight with my family all the time... just got fed up and ran away. -I used to fight with my family all the time... just got fed up and ran away. Now you and David... -Now you and David... No. They've made me one of them, but I miss my family. -No. They've made me one of them, but I miss my family. Let's go see them. -Let's go see them. No... no, everything's different now... -I have to talk to you. Please wake up. Have to sleep. Have to sleep, Michael. -Have to sleep. Have to sleep, Michael. When? -When? Tonight. At the boardwalk... -I have to talk to you. Can I come up? Okay. -Do you know where David took me tonight, Star? Do you?! Yes... and I'm to blame for it. If you hadn't met me... if I hadn't liked you... I tried to warn you... -Yes... and I'm to blame for it. If you hadn't met me... if I hadn't liked you... I tried to warn you... That night in the cave -- that wasn't wine they gave me to drink... it was blood! David's blood. I'm one of them, Star! I'm just like them! -That night in the cave -- that wasn't wine they gave me to drink... it was blood! David's blood. I'm one of them, Star! I'm just like them! Not yet... You're like Laddie and me... Half-vampires... You're not a full vampire until you've made your first kill... You were supposed to be mine... but I couldn't, Michael. -Not yet... You're like Laddie and me... Half-vampires... You're not a full vampire until you've made your first kill... You were supposed to be mine... but I couldn't, Michael. Why not? -Why not? Because I love you... -Because I love you... Then it's not too late for us... -Then it's not too late for us... It's not too late for you to be saved... but each night... it becomes harder and harder for me to resist killing... -It's not too late for you to be saved... but each night... it becomes harder and harder for me to resist killing... I know, I've felt it... -I know, I've felt it... I'm weak... Soon I'll need to feed. -David's looking for me... I have to go. You're not going anywhere... Sam... -You've got to put this on. Take laddie. -Take laddie. Huh? -Huh? Save Laddie first. -They'll be coming for Laddie and me, won't they? They'll be coming for all of us. -It's gone. I feel it! So do I! -What!? He can and I can't?! No fair!! That's okay, Mom. I can see it later. I'll help you unload. -This is kind of a cool place. I'm so excited I just can't hide it. I'm about to lode control and I think I like it. -I'm so excited I just can't hide it. I'm about to lode control and I think I like it. Will you give Mom a break? -Grandpa does not own a T.V. Have you noticed? There's no T.V. Santa Carla has no malls, no Cineplexes and now I won't even have MTV. I will not know anything hip happening anymore. Hey, Sam, we're flat broke. -Hey, Sam, we're flat broke. Even poor people have T.V.s -This room is mine. I was here first. -I was here first. Okay. I'll flip you for it. -You're beautiful. Wanna change my hair, my clothes, my face. -Where are we going? Nowhere. -Nowhere. Then what's the rush? You're chasing that girl, why don't you just admit it? I'm at the mercy of your sex glands! -Then what's the rush? You're chasing that girl, why don't you just admit it? I'm at the mercy of your sex glands! Don't you have something better to do than follow me around all night? -Mom, you hitched all the way to Berkeley once, remember? Mom, just give me five more minutes. Just five minutes, okay? -Do I have to do this? Come on, Sam, you know before there were malls there was 'like the ocean.' -Go away. You're supposed to watch me and entertain me, and make me appreciate the brief but happy years of childhood. -You're supposed to watch me and entertain me, and make me appreciate the brief but happy years of childhood. Entertain yourself. -What did you do last night? You look wasted. I can't remember much after the Chinese food that looked like maggots. -You don't suppose Grandpa's an alien, do you? What would that make Mom? -What would that make Mom? You're right... not even to mention you and me. -Did you spill something? No. Why? -No. Why? The bottoms of your feet are covered with salt. -I told you it was pretty weird Chinese food. Wanna go to the comic book store? -Wanna go to the comic book store? No. -Mom's home?... No. On the phone. -I'm making you a sandwich. Don't bother. -Lose the earring, Michael. It's not happening. It's just not happening. Piss off. -Piss off. You have such a great personality, Michael. You should open your own charm school. -Michael? Don't turn on the light. -What happened, Michael!? Nanook... -Nanook... What about Nonook? What have you done to Nanook?! What have you done to my dog, you asshole?! -What about Nonook? What have you done to Nanook?! What have you done to my dog, you asshole?! Nothing! I didn't hurt him. He bit me! This is my blood! -What did you to do him, Michael? Why did he bite you? He was protecting you! -What?? Look at your reflection in the mirror!! -We've got to stick together, Sam. You've got to help me. What about Mom? -What about Mom? No! We can't tell Mom! Please, Sam. Don't tell her. -No! We can't tell Mom! Please, Sam. Don't tell her. I don't know, Michael. This is not like breaking a lamp or getting a 'D'. -I don't know, Michael. This is not like breaking a lamp or getting a 'D'. Just for a few days, Sam. Give me a chance to work this out by myself. -It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them? I don't know. -Star. Don't kill anybody until we get back to you... -Who are you calling? The Marines. -Michael! Get behind the wheel. Huh?... -What's the matter? I... I don't feel any differently. Do you? -Sixteen. And the horse you rode in on. Sixteen for how long?! You can't predict this time of year... -What do you want from us? Just listen. -Pretty nasty out, Mac. Thirty-five knots. Screw it, I'm going up anyway. -All right... Box of dynamite... box of thermite... three shotguns... box of flares... two flare guns... thirty cans gasoline... and a case of alcohol. Let's load 'em. -Maybe dinner. Dogs don't eat each other. -Dogs don't eat each other. I know. -Where these tracks headed? Nowhere... Just straight to the ocean. -"What do you mean ""got"" to the dog?" It was a life form that was able to imitate and reproduce, whatever it ate or absorbed, cell for cell. -Clark, did you notice anything strange about that dog? Just anything at all? Any little thing? No. Just that he recovered real quick... That night when I found him in the rec room, he had already scraped off his bandage. Before I put him with the others, I redressed his wound and noticed it had healed up real good... -That night? Yeah. -Yeah. What was he doing in the rec room? -What was he doing in the rec room? Well, after I worked on him -- thought I'd let him rest. Left the room for a bit. When I came back, he was gone. -Well, after I worked on him -- thought I'd let him rest. Left the room for a bit. When I came back, he was gone. Well, where was he? Where did he go? -Well, where was he? Where did he go? Don't know. Looked for him for a bit... couldn't find him. -Don't know. Looked for him for a bit... couldn't find him. You're saying he wasn't put into the kennel until the night? -How long were you with the dog? Alone, I mean? Ah... He was hurt bad. Bullet nicked an artery... I don't know... An hour... hour and a half... -What the hell you looking at me like that for? Nothing. Nothing at all. -Was that dog, the Norwegian dog? I just can't comprehend any of this. It was just a dog. -Couldn't make much of it myself. I've asked him to try and locate the site. Okay with you? -I've asked him to try and locate the site. Okay with you? Sure. You think there's a connection? -Sure. You think there's a connection? Maybe. -Look, I know it's hard to believe... So what's our problem? -So what's our problem? Well... there's still some cell activity... it's not entirely dead yet. -... It could have gotten to somebody... Anybody sick? -Anybody sick? No, I... I don't mean infection... or disease... -Listen to me, Garry. Please... If the weather clears enough before we reach anybody -- I'm sending you and Doc up to MacMurdo... -Don't you understand?! That Thing didn't want to become a dog... Damn you, Blair! You've already got everybody half-hysterical around here. -Damn you, Blair! You've already got everybody half-hysterical around here. You can't let anybody leave! -You can't let anybody leave! I've got six dead Norwegians on my hands, a burned up flying saucer, and we've just destroyed the scientific find of the century. Now fuck off! -Whatever that Norwegian dog was... It... It was capable of changing its form... ... when it attacked our dog... it somehow was able to digest... or... absorb it... and in the process shaped its own cells to imitate our dog's cells exactly... ... This for instance isn't dog at all -- it's imitation... We got to it before it had time to finish or... Finish what? -Finish what? ... I think the whole process would have taken an hour... maybe more. And then I suppose both would have changed back to dog form. -What you doin'? Nobody's getting in here. You can tell them all that! -Nobody's getting in here. You can tell them all that! Well, who the hell you think wants to get in there with you? -Now why'd you go and... And I don't want any more food with sedatives in it. I know what you're up to. Don't think I don't. And if anyone tries to get in here -- I've got rope. I'll hang myself before it gets to me. -And I don't want any more food with sedatives in it. I know what you're up to. Don't think I don't. And if anyone tries to get in here -- I've got rope. I'll hang myself before it gets to me. You promise? -Too damn dangerous. ... You think this Thing wants to become an animal? Dogs can't make it 1000 miles to the sea. No skua gulls to imitate this time of year... No penguins this far inland... Don't you understand?! It wanted to become us! -... Can't you see...? If one cell of this Thing got out it could imitate every living thing on Earth. Nothing could stop it! Nothing! Look Blair, maybe you're right about this. But we've got to be rational. We've got to talk this over. I'm unarmed and I'm coming in. -Look Blair, maybe you're right about this. But we've got to be rational. We've got to talk this over. I'm unarmed and I'm coming in. No, you're not! I don't trust any of you! -How you doin', old boy? I don't know who to trust. -I don't know who to trust. Know what you mean, Blair. Trust is a tough thing to come by these days. Just trust in the Lord. -Know what you mean, Blair. Trust is a tough thing to come by these days. Just trust in the Lord. Watch Clark. -Watch Clark. What? -What? Watch him close. Ask him why he didn't kennel the dog. -I've changed my mind... I'd... I'd like to come back inside... I don't want to stay out here any more... Funny things... I hear funny things out here. Have you come across Fuchs? -Have you come across Fuchs? Fuchs...? No, it's not Fuchs... You must let me back in... I won't harm anyone... I promise... -Fuchs...? No, it's not Fuchs... You must let me back in... I won't harm anyone... I promise... We'll see... -Happens all the time, man. They're falling out of the skies like flies. Government knows all about it... Chariots of the Gods, man... They practically own South America. I mean they taught the Incas everything they knew... Cool it, Palmer!! -Childs, where's that magneto from Chopper One? Ain't it there? -What? Don't walk behind me. -Auxiliary light cables...? Been cut. Cut, bullshit. Been pulled apart. -Somebody broke in. Now who'd go and do... -Childs!! Let go of me... -Let go of me... Don't get near 'em. The plants! They're alive. Those things can imitate anything... -Don't get near 'em. The plants! They're alive. Those things can imitate anything... What's it going to do, being a plant? -We got to burn 'em. Now hold on, you dumb... -Why didn't it imitate Fuchs? Isn't that its number -- to get more recruits. Wasn't enough time. Generator was out, what...? Thirty minutes. Takes the bastards an hour, maybe two to absorb somebody. -Could have been anytime. Anywhere. If it did get to him. -Let's open it. Hell no. -Let's open it. Now... Why you so damn anxious to let him in here... -Why you so damn anxious to let him in here... He's so close. Maybe our best chance to blow him away. -He's so close. Maybe our best chance to blow him away. No. Just let him freeze out there. -You catch anything he was saying? Am I starting to look Norwegian to you, Bwana? -I suppose... well, it's possible someone might have lifted it from me. But... That key ring of yours is always hooked to your belt. Now how could somebody get to it without you knowing? -That key ring of yours is always hooked to your belt. Now how could somebody get to it without you knowing? Look, I haven't been near that... that refrigerator. -I said where? Where'd you go?! Was dark... find a light... -Was dark... find a light... You lying bastard... -Lighten your load, sucker. You ain't the judge and executioner around here! Who you trying to protect, mutherfucker? I'm telling you this S.O.B. could be one of them. -Childs! That a fuse? No. The generator. You got the auxiliary box just off the kitchen. Get to it. Where's the damn flashlight? You fellas okay over there? -Cut that out, Copper. Nauls? What's taking you?! I'm working it! Nothing's happening! -I'm working it! Nothing's happening! That's impossible, man! Okay, Clark, out of the john where I can see you! -That's impossible, man! Okay, Clark, out of the john where I can see you! It's shorted out or something! -It's shorted out or something! Clark, you come on out here!! -Somebody's taken it. I can't find it! Clark, you want me to come in after you?! -Cut him loose of the line up by his shack. Cut him loose? -Cut him loose? When we were up poking around his place... I found this... -What's happening? Childs, you got the torch? You get your ass in here!! -Torch it over there! The dogs? -The dogs? Screw the dogs!! Torch it!! -MacReady! Look, I'm just guessing... -Look, I'm just guessing... Well, go on. -... So it crashes, and this guy, whoever he is, gets thrown out, or walks out, and ends up freezing. I just can't believe this voodoo bullshit. You believe this voodoo bullshit, Blair? -Yeah, they dig him up and cart him back. He gets thawed out, wakes up and scares the shit out of them. And they get into one hell of a brawl... Now how's this motherfucker wake up after thousands of years in the ice, huh? -Now how's this motherfucker wake up after thousands of years in the ice, huh? I don't know how. Because he's different than we are. Because he's a space guy. What do you want from me, anyway. Go ask Blair. -I don't know how. Because he's different than we are. Because he's a space guy. What do you want from me, anyway. Go ask Blair. You buy any of this, Blair? -I can get maybe another five or six feet out of it. That's good enough. -Where's the other half? Probably the next meal. -What we going to do?! How the fuck do I know?! -Torch them!! But... -But... He's gone already! Do it! -What do we do about those three? We got morphine, don't we. -MacReady! What? -What? Garry's missing! -Garry's missing! Oh, shit! Well, hang on! -Oh, shit! Well, hang on! Gee, thanks! -Well, who says I want you going with me?! Cut the bullshit... Okay, Sanchez, you come with us. Norris... you stay here... Any of them move -- you fry 'em. And if you hear anything, anything at all you let loose the siren. We all meet back here in twenty minutes regardless. And everybody watch whoever you're with. Real close. -... Nothing human could have made it back here in this weather without a guideline... ... Where is everybody?! I'm half frostbit! -What are you doing? You're a dead man, MacReady -- or a dead whatever the hell you are! -We found your clothes -- the ones you tried to burn. What clothes? -What clothes? You been made, MacReady. -... Ever occur to the jury that anybody could have gotten to some of my clothes and stuck them up... We ain't buying that. -Palmer, you and Copper tie everyone down. Real tight. What for? -What for? For your health. -You ain't tying me up. Then I'll have to kill you. -Then I'll have to kill you. Then kill me. -We should have jumped his ass. Now Copper, you tie Palmer up. -Load of bullshit. We'll see. Let's try Clark. -Spaceship of some kind. Smart S.O.B. He put it together piece by piece. -I think so. "What do you mean ""you think so?""" -Not the only one. The fire's got the temperature way up all over camp... won't last long though. -The fire's got the temperature way up all over camp... won't last long though. Neither will we. -Neither will we. Maybe we should try and fix the radio... try and get some help. -Maybe we should try and fix the radio... try and get some help. Maybe we shouldn't. -Maybe we shouldn't. Then we'll never make it. -Maybe we shouldn't make it. If you're worried about anything, let's take that blood test of yours. -If you're worried about anything, let's take that blood test of yours. If we've got any surprises for each other -- we shouldn't be in any condition to do anything about it. You play chess? -Screw regulations! Four guys could be crawling around on their bellies out there! So, I don't want to end up crawling around with them when we go down. -My God, what in hell happened here? Come on, Copper. -Hey, Sweden!!! They're not Swedish, goddamn it, they're Norwegian, MacRe -- -Anything? All in Norwegian. -What are you doing? Could be important work. Might as well bring it back. -Could be important work. Might as well bring it back. It's getting late. Hurry it. I'm going to check the last few rooms. -Well, who's got access to it? I guess I'm the only one. -Would that test have worked? I think so. -Now hold him. I'm a real light sleeper, Childs... -I'm a real light sleeper, Childs... Enough, MacReady! -And if anyone tries to wake me... Damn you, MacReady! -I guess you're okay. Thank you. -Thank you. Didn't think you'd use that fibrillator on Norris if you were one of them. -... Guys as crazy as that could have done a lot of damage to their own before they got to us. Nothing we can do about that. -Nothing we can do about that. Yes, there is. I'd like to go up. -Yes, there is. I'd like to go up. In this weather? -In this weather? Bennings? -Goes on like that quite awhile. What do you gentlemen make of it? Could be anything... Men in isolation... some beef that snowballed... got out of hand... -Hold on, damn it. We're getting nowhere... If this bit of Blair's about absorbing and imitating is true... then that dog could have gotten to anybody. And if it got to Clark... Clark could have gotten to anybody. -How long will it take you to prepare this? A couple of hours. -A couple of hours. Well, get to it. -Can there be... some kind of test? To find out who's what? A serum test possibly. -I don't see how... when I'm finished I return it right away. When was the last time you used it? -When was the last time you used it? A day or so ago... I guess. -I'm getting worried about you. You ought to have a checkup. Let's just not get worried about anything just now. -Let's just not get worried about anything just now. After all this mess then. -After all this mess then. After all this mess. -Gotta be from the Norwegian camp. How far's that? -How far's that? 'Bout eighty kilos southwest. -'Bout eighty kilos southwest. That far? -How many in their party? Started with six. There'd be four others left. -Right. Why not? What's that? -Hey, man...! You reach anybody yet? -You reach anybody yet? We're a thousand miles from anybody else, man. It's going to get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better. -We're a thousand miles from anybody else, man. It's going to get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better. Well, stick to it. -Couple seconds of an Argentine disco station. Well, stick with it. I want you at it round the clock. We got to get help in here... -Put that down! No. -No. I'll put this right through your head. -Look, if you're going to keep bitching, MacReady -- Palmer's offered to take him up... What are you talking?! He's had two months training in those choppers! -We're on fire! Don't let up, Childs! -Don't let up, Childs! Extinguishers. -You're not thinking of going after them, are you? I am going after them. -Get these things out of supply and meet me over by the snowmobiles. You're not going to catch them in one of those with the start they got. -You're not going to catch them in one of those with the start they got. Palmer, how long would it take you to strap those big four-cylinder carburetors on? -Ah... no one... I give it to Copper when he needs it... Could anyone have gotten it from you? -Let's rush him. He's not going to blow us all up. Damn if I won't. -Pure nonsense. This won't prove a damn thing. Thought you'd feel that way, Garry. You were the only one who could have gotten to that blood plasma... ... we'll do you last... -Looks good. One thousand volts. Should be enough. -How long's it been? Little over two hours. -Four! What is it out there, anyway? Forty-five knots? -What's... Blair. He's gone berserk. -Oh, I got you. Not too long. Then get a move on. Childs, come with me. -How's that Thing get to the dogs? I though we stopped it in time. Copper thinks they swallowed pieces of it during the fight. -Copper thinks they swallowed pieces of it during the fight. And that was enough? -No it ain't there. Would I be asking if it were there? Move it, Palmer. -Sanchez...? Hey, who... Mac, where the hell is that pump!! -Somebody definitely messed with it. We going to make it? -We going to make it? Hope so. Another ten, fifteen minutes. What I don't get is... -Sanchez, you and Palmer search the inside... I ain't going with Sanchez. -What kind of test? I'm sure a lot of you already know. -Tie up Clark, too. He's dead. -He's dead. Norris looked pretty dead, himself. Bullets don't kill these Things. -How we going to try and find out who's... you know, who's who? Can you think of any other tests? -Where were the flashlights? Screw the flashlights. Where the hell were you? -We've got to find Fuchs. When we find him -- we kill him. Why? -Why? If he's one of those Things, we've got to get to him before he changes... Nauls, you and Childs and I'll check the outside shacks... -What if it doesn't come? It'll come. It needs us. We're the only thing left to imitate... Give me a hand. -He might just wait us out. I'm going to blow the generator when you get back. He'll have to come for us -- or freeze. -That thing's too smart to be hiding any more of its clothes, MacReady. Just keep looking. -This storm do that? Couldn't be possible. Must have weighted a ton and a half... -... Hey, somebody! Open up, it's me, MacReady... ... Come on, damn it... The towline snapped. Been crawling around like a seal out here... Bullshit! He's got to know damn well I cut it! -We're going to draw a little bit of everybody's blood. What are you going to do? Drink it? -What are you going to do? Drink it? Watching Norris in there... gave me the idea that maybe every part of you bastards is a whole. Every piece of you is self-sufficient, an animal unto itself. When a man bleeds it's just tissue. But blood from one of you Things won't obey. It's a newly formed individual with a built-in desire to protect its own life. When attacked, your blood will try and survive -- and crawl away from a hot needle say. -What is it? Everything that's been missing. -Where was he trying to go? Anyplace but here. -What about Childs? Forget about Childs. He's over. -You and Nauls got to block off the west side bunks, the mess hall and the kitchen. You crazy? He might be inside already? -You crazy? He might be inside already? Chance we got to take. We got to force him to come down the east side to the door we got rigged. -Get back!! The generator! -The generator! Screw the generator!! -Got Sanchez... World War Three wouldn't mess with this fucker... Can go through walls... And it's like all over the place... Calm down and get in your position. -Calm down and get in your position. Position, my ass... -Maybe it ain't coming. Then we go after him. -Then we go after him. Bet the last place you ever go. -You jerking off or just pissed? We got any more of those electronic chess things down in supply? -We got any more of those electronic chess things down in supply? Get your gear on. -Get your gear on. What for? -Magnesium of some type... or some kind of strange alloy. And those poor dumb bastards had to go and blow the hell out of it. So what do you make of it? -So what do you make of it? You know damn well what we both make of it. -You know damn well what we both make of it. No chance it could have been some new kind of test craft? -Somebody else sure as hell thought so. Who else could have used that key? -We should sleep in shifts. Right. Half of us awake at all times. -What's happened?! MacReady, that you? -MacReady, that you? Yeah! -Yeah! It's the generator I think! No power. -It's the generator I think! No power. Well, let's get down there. -... Made sure I got ahead of him on the towline on the way back... cut him loose. MacReady...? -MacReady...? He's one of them. -He's one of them. When do you think it got to him? -You hear that? Hear what? -It's got into the pub! It's turned on the stereo! What?! -What?! It's in between us and them!! How we going to get back?! -It's in between us and them!! How we going to get back?! Can't hear you. -It must have been hard, leaving your work. The journey is part of my work. -Now how did you get hurt? I had an accident. -I had an accident. I figured that. What kind of accident? -What do you do on the towers? On the towers? -On the towers? I'm training to be a high climber. -Ah... no. Don't tell me you're a mud carrier. -Don't tell me you're a mud carrier. 'Fraid so. Just a regular old... mud carrier. -... Thousands and thousands of people. And sometimes we live in great buildings that reach up five or ten stories. And everyone looks like us? -And everyone looks like us? Exactly like you. Well, maybe not as healthy. -She didn't want me to be a climber. She wanted me to be a planner like her. I'm so sorry, Kalen. -How can they just go back to work as if nothing happened? What else can they do? -What else can they do? Kalen... Do you have any idea where they take them? -Kalen... Do you have any idea where they take them? We're not supposed to think about it. But I dream about it sometimes... -There's a place that might help... we could try going there. Where? -Where? The Hall of Books. -The Hall of Books. You have books?! Kalen, you've got to take me there. There might be history. Records. Something to help us find where the Morlocks took -- -You have books?! Kalen, you've got to take me there. There might be history. Records. Something to help us find where the Morlocks took -- I shouldn't have mentioned it. We can't go there. -No one ever comes here. My mother told me stories about it late at night. They tell all the children. What kind of stories? -What kind of stories? About the voice in the darkness. About the ghosts... -I had a friend who came here once. Sort of a dare. What happened? -What happened? He came back screaming... He never talked about it after that. I don't think he even got this far. -I think we should go on by ourselves. No... -No... Please, just listen to me... Your mother would be very cross with me if you got hurt. I'll find her. -Please, just listen to me... Your mother would be very cross with me if you got hurt. I'll find her. But you're only a mud carrier. -But you're only a mud carrier. I'll be all right... You go back to the village and light the fire. So we can find our way home. -... Well, you wanted to see it. This is it? -This is it? Around here. -Yes. Just about here. But there's nothing here. -Right up your alley, I would think. You are from the past, yes? How did you know?! -How did you know?! I can smell carcinogens and industrial pollutants on your skin that have not been known here for -- -- 800,000 years perhaps. Don't keep me in suspense. What year? -I can smell carcinogens and industrial pollutants on your skin that have not been known here for -- -- 800,000 years perhaps. Don't keep me in suspense. What year? 1899. -1899. I must say, you look remarkably good. You don't want a book then? -I must say, you look remarkably good. You don't want a book then? What are you? -What are you? I'm the librarian. I've always been the librarian. -I'm the librarian. I've always been the librarian. I know you -- you're an automaton of some sort that -- -I know you -- you're an automaton of some sort that -- "An ""automaton""?! Please! I'm a biomechanical organism. Well, what's left of one. What's left of all of them, actually. I am the last... ... And ""these fragments I have shored against my ruins."" T.S. Eliot. You wouldn't know him yet but you'll just love him, he's divine, if a little dour. Very shy though... hiding over here..." -Sir... have you a name? I am called Vox... ... Now you are Eloi. -Please, we need your help. The Morlocks have taken -- Morlocks -- -Morlocks -- You know of them? -You know of them? Who doesn't know the Morlocks? -Who doesn't know the Morlocks? Do you know where they live? -Do you know where they live? Oh yes... They found our knowledge useful for a time. They used us much as your people did. Then they decided they had learned enough so they tore us up for spare parts. -Oh yes... They found our knowledge useful for a time. They used us much as your people did. Then they decided they had learned enough so they tore us up for spare parts. But you escaped. -But you escaped. I was lucky. The others weren't. -I was lucky. The others weren't. How have you survived so long? -Regenerating fission reactor, you wouldn't understand. It's power is well beyond your neanderthal cranial capacity. Can you show us where they live? -We need your help. Why should I help you? You primates -- you great, lumbering, hairy animals, drenched in blood from the moment of your hideous conception -- what have you ever used knowledge for but destruction and bloodshed! A little bit of learning and you lay waste to the world! You're no better than the Morlocks! -Because you'll never die. Excuse me? -Excuse me? You'll live like this forever. Alone. You were meant to help. To be with people. Not like this. -So, Relic, you want to open Pandora's box, do you? See all the mysteries exposed? Yes. -Yes. And if the truth is so horrible that it will haunt your dreams for all time? -And if the truth is so horrible that it will haunt your dreams for all time? I'm used to that. -When was his mother taken? Last night. -Last night. Send him away. -Send him away. What? -What? Send him home. You don't want him to see it. -Send him home. You don't want him to see it. Kalen... hold on a minute. -My God... I saw this. It frightens you. -It frightens you. Yes... -Yes... It was meant to. -So, do we go on? Yes. -Yes. Aren't you a plucky little -- ? -Aren't you a plucky little -- ? Oh, shut up. -It's what they want you to see. This is the way in? -This is the way in? Yes... Are you sure you want to do this? -Yes... Are you sure you want to do this? Yes. But you've done enough. Thank you for your help... I hope someday people read your books again. -In for a penny, in for a pound. Do you know that saying? Yes... Thank you. -Machines? Yes. -Yes. Do you know which way? -Vox? This way. -What's it all for? The air... the power. -The air... the power. Why did they built it? -Why did they built it? The Morlocks didn't build this. -Alexander... Listen to me, it was wrong to bring you. You're not going to find what you're looking for. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Trust me... You don't want to see any more. -They raise them like cattle... Feed them until they're ready and then hunt them. No... -No... How are your dreams now? -This has to end. End...? -End...? This has to end. -Vox -- Imagine that... seems that little devil got my power relays... -Takes a licking but keeps on ticking... ... For a while anyway. What can I do? Tell me what to do. -What can I do? Tell me what to do. Nothing to do, I'm afraid. I'm just a librarian after all. Wasn't exactly made for all this swashbuckling. Very Byronic end, though. I appreciate that. Do you know Byron? -Nothing to do, I'm afraid. I'm just a librarian after all. Wasn't exactly made for all this swashbuckling. Very Byronic end, though. I appreciate that. Do you know Byron? Vox... -Vox... I'm babbling. Good to have someone to talk to for a change... But you need to go. Take her out of here... ... I don't have long. -I'm babbling. Good to have someone to talk to for a change... But you need to go. Take her out of here... ... I don't have long. I won't leave you like this. -I won't leave you like this. Go back to the light. You weren't made for this. I was... I was made for this moment. -Go back to the light. You weren't made for this. I was... I was made for this moment. I don't understand. -I don't understand. I'm going to end it, Alexander. As we discussed... -Now get out of my sight, you hideous primate. I'll never forget this. -I'll never forget this. I should hope not... ... Alexander... Make them read my books. Tell them who they are. Who they could be. -I should hope not... ... Alexander... Make them read my books. Tell them who they are. Who they could be. I will... -What's your name? Alexander. -Alexander. Well, Alexander, as a fellow scientist I know you have a thousand questions -- -Well, Alexander, as a fellow scientist I know you have a thousand questions -- You came underground when the world was ending above. And you evolved. Some into the Morlocks and others -- -You came underground when the world was ending above. And you evolved. Some into the Morlocks and others -- No, we created the Morlocks. -No, we created the Morlocks. Created? -Created? You wouldn't understand. We genetically engineered the Morlock class to serve our needs. -You wouldn't understand. We genetically engineered the Morlock class to serve our needs. As slaves. -As slaves. To work the machines and build the tunnels. You can't imagine what it was like when it all started. We survived for millennia, scraping the lichen and microscopic organisms from the rock with our teeth and digging for water with our nails. Endlessly. For generations. And we... became. -And centuries later when we tried to emerge into the sun again, we couldn't. Our adaptation was too successful. We survived... we endured... for this. How do you control the Morlocks? -How do you control the Morlocks? We make them see what we wish. -We make them see what we wish. How? -How? As our bodies atrophied our minds... compensated. -And what of the Eloi? They survived above. Became what they are. -They survived above. Became what they are. No... they didn't survive only to be your food. You did that. -No... they didn't survive only to be your food. You did that. "I'm afraid your indignation is lost here. I have no more ""human"" response to the Eloi then you would have to a carrot. It's just how we live now." -"I'm afraid your indignation is lost here. I have no more ""human"" response to the Eloi then you would have to a carrot. It's just how we live now." But this is barbaric! Have you completely lost all sense of -- -But this is barbaric! Have you completely lost all sense of -- And who are you, Alexander? Who are you to question thousands of years of evolution? This is the world now. I am fact. -And who are you, Alexander? Who are you to question thousands of years of evolution? This is the world now. I am fact. It can't all be like this... -What? Go back to where you came from. Or die here. -Go back to where you came from. Or die here. Why would you let me go back? -Why would you let me go back? Because the past is immutable. Frozen. Dead... And you are the past. -Say I just come back again? Alexander, yours is a world of brocade and velvet, not tooth and claw. Why would you come back to this? To save a few cattle? No. -Alexander, yours is a world of brocade and velvet, not tooth and claw. Why would you come back to this? To save a few cattle? No. I could tell them. Warm them of what's to come. -Why? We have lost the capacity to reproduce. But the species must continue. -We have lost the capacity to reproduce. But the species must continue. So you take their best... -So you take their best... When a creature shows too much independent thought we remove them from the gene pool. We're breeding them for submission. Soon they will be fully domesticated. -When a creature shows too much independent thought we remove them from the gene pool. We're breeding them for submission. Soon they will be fully domesticated. You took her because she helped me. -You took her because she helped me. Yes. Initiative and daring are not desirable traits in the Eloi. But you should be happy for her. She won't remember the creature she was. She will... become. -She won't remember you. None of them will. You will be forgotten. That is how history works. A man can change his history. -A man can change his history. After all you've seen... after man's entire journey... you still believe that? -Now will you go? No... -If I can only find the right door... the lady or the tiger... No... -No... It's always the tiger for you, Alexander, haven't you learned that by now?... -That was a foolish thing to do. I'm a foolish man. -I could have a hundred Morlocks here in thirty seconds. I know. -I know. Does this prove something to you? Have you made some great stand of which I'm unaware? -I'm tired of running. Oh, you won't be running for long... -But you've earned a reward for your valor. I think you should become. You'll like it here. Once you get used to the darkness. I don't think that's going to happen. -I don't think that's going to happen. And why not? -And why not? Because... -It's spectacular... Thanks. Old Nell's my girl all right. Al least when she decides to move, stubborn beast. -Thanks. Old Nell's my girl all right. Al least when she decides to move, stubborn beast. I've only read about them -- and the new internals. -I've only read about them -- and the new internals. Now that's what I call plain crazy -- internal combustion is just too dangerous, all those little explosions, never catch on. -Now that's what I call plain crazy -- internal combustion is just too dangerous, all those little explosions, never catch on. How do you keep the water temperature stable? -How do you keep the water temperature stable? There's a cantilevered gasket on the -- -God -- could have killed me -- bad girl, Nell! How did you know to do that? I just love mechanical things. -I just love mechanical things. Well, much obliged -- I'm always forgetting the confounded brake -- say, if you wait until I get her up and running I'll give you a perambulation. Tell you all about her. -Well, much obliged -- I'm always forgetting the confounded brake -- say, if you wait until I get her up and running I'll give you a perambulation. Tell you all about her. Ahhh... I'm afraid I've got a prior commitment. -Ahhh... I'm afraid I've got a prior commitment. Next time then. We perambulate here most every night. -Next time then. We perambulate here most every night. You have my word... ... She's just a beauty. -May I help you? I -- what are you?! -I -- what are you?! I am the Fifth Avenue Public Library informational kiosk. VOX registration NY-114. May I help you? -I am the Fifth Avenue Public Library informational kiosk. VOX registration NY-114. May I help you? What's happening to the moon?! -The 2005 terraforming demolitions for the lunar excavations sent the moon into a diminishing retrograde orbit resulting in global gravitational fluctuations, increased seismic activity and tidal anomalies. Can I tell you more? No -- wait -- the moon's falling out of orbit -- that's not possible! -No -- wait -- the moon's falling out of orbit -- that's not possible! Well, considering it is, in fact, happening, I would assume it's possible. The retrograde orbit began in 2005 when the demolitions for the lunar colonies -- -Well, considering it is, in fact, happening, I would assume it's possible. The retrograde orbit began in 2005 when the demolitions for the lunar colonies -- Why is it -- breaking up? -Why is it -- breaking up? I was getting to that... The moon has reached the gravitational Roche Limit, 7,300 miles above the surface of the Earth. This has created pressure on the lunar stratum beyond gravitational tolerances. It might be helpful to know that the nearest public evacuation shelters can be found at Grand Central Station, Madison Square Garden -- -You're late. Got here as soon as I could. -Got here as soon as I could. Dance with me... -Dance with me... You know I can't. -You know I can't. Trust me... -You promised me flowers. What? -What? You promised me flowers tonight, don't you even remember? -You promised me flowers tonight, don't you even remember? Sorry... I was distracted. -Sorry... I was distracted. Well there's something new. -Well there's something new. I need to... um... talk to you. -I need to... um... talk to you. Talk away, Professor. -Talk away, Professor. Not here... alone. May we? Please? -... Orion's belt, pointing to the earth. You see it over the rocks there? Sailors consider that an omen of good fortune; the hunter watching over them on their travels... Are you listening to me, Alex? What? Yes -- Orion -- good fortune -- sailors. -What? Yes -- Orion -- good fortune -- sailors. All right, what is it now? -All right, what is it now? Emma, you know I have great... admiration for you. -Emma, you know I have great... admiration for you. Admiration? My my. -Admiration? My my. I mean... well... affection. -I mean... well... affection. You're getting warmer. -Oh dammit, I love you! I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think, all I do is moon over you and -- hum, apparently. And what do you propose, Professor? Shall we hold a seminar to study the problem? -You know, the moment is rather dying here. Hold on... I know I have it... -I know it's not a diamond but -- A moonstone. -A moonstone. Your birth stone. I thought -- -You're late. Got here as soon as I could. -Got here as soon as I could. Dance with me... -Dance with me... You know I can't. -You know I can't. Trust me... -Alex, what is it? Holding you... again. -Holding you... again. Darling. -Darling. I need... to talk to you. -I need... to talk to you. All right... -All right... Not here... alone. Please. -Let's walk through the park... No... let's walk through the city. -No... let's walk through the city. All right... -Alex, what is it? Nothing -- let's just get out of the park. -Alex...?! Shhh. Let's just hurry on here. We don't have to talk, all right? -Why do we have to race for heaven's sake?! I want to get into the light, that's all. Please... -My God... Alex, it's just the zoo. -You're so pale... I hope you're not coming down with something. No, I'm fine. I'm... ... wonderful. Just walking down the street with you again. -No, I'm fine. I'm... ... wonderful. Just walking down the street with you again. We took a walk three days ago. -We took a walk three days ago. Not like this. Never like this. Emma, I swear to you -- if I've learned one thing, it's that moments like this are rare. And I will thank God for them every moment of every day. -They are rare... ... Orion's belt, pointing to the earth -- The sailor's omen of good fortune. The hunter watching over him on his travels. -The sailor's omen of good fortune. The hunter watching over him on his travels. So it's astronomy now, is it? -Heavens, look at that now! I've seen it. -Now I know you're ill -- passing up the chance to explore some new gadget. It's only a machine. -Alex... people are staring. Let them. -Let them. I have something for you... -... The point is I know it will work once the, um, numbers and such are in order. Do you know you were humming? -Do you know you were humming? I was not. -I was not. "Somewhere around ""D+2xy something something.""" -"Somewhere around ""D+2xy something something.""" Damned if I can keep her out of my equations. -Damned if I can keep her out of my equations. Tonight's the night? -Tonight's the night? God, and I'm running late -- -... One day he'll be discovered by some future archeologists and they won't know what to make of him. The thick brow, so lacking in imagination. The dim little eyes, devoid of curiosity. You know generally teachers are supposed to teach real equations that add up to real numbers. -You know generally teachers are supposed to teach real equations that add up to real numbers. Where's the challenge in that? -Where's the challenge in that? Alex, this is your first year as an associate professor. You might want to play things a little more conservatively. -Alex, this is your first year as an associate professor. You might want to play things a little more conservatively. You sound like my father... -Look at them, Philby, all alike, everyone in an identical bowler hat. Do you want your students to turn out like them? I want my students to emerge with theoretical and practical knowledge. -I want my students to emerge with theoretical and practical knowledge. I don't. I want them to run along this street and knock off every bowler they see. -I don't. I want them to run along this street and knock off every bowler they see. You may not like it, but this is the world we live in, Alex. Little grey men with little grey hats. -You may not like it, but this is the world we live in, Alex. Little grey men with little grey hats. But shouldn't it be better? Shouldn't we be teaching our students to imagine a world beyond all this? -In the future, we'll be better. What? -What? Nothing. -Emma actually likes chalk dust -- says it smells like me. How romantic... -The most able inventor I know and you can't tie a simple four-in- hand. That's how I knew we were destined to be together. When I met her parents for the first time I came right from class and I was covered in chalk. They sniffed and snorted, but she just smiled. At that moment -- I just knew. How did you know with Molly? -That's how I knew we were destined to be together. When I met her parents for the first time I came right from class and I was covered in chalk. They sniffed and snorted, but she just smiled. At that moment -- I just knew. How did you know with Molly? She made the best Shepherd's pie I ever tasted. -She made the best Shepherd's pie I ever tasted. Do you have a romantic bone in your body? -Do you have a romantic bone in your body? No, I'm all bowler hat, remember? -Alex, really... good luck tonight. She's a fine girl, and she's done wonderful things for you. Oh? -Oh? She's gotten into your equations. -All these clocks -- how can you constantly be running late?! Perseverance. -I've been working. I came by the house every day after the funeral. And then every week. Then every other month. Then I stopped coming. Did you even notice? -I came by the house every day after the funeral. And then every week. Then every other month. Then I stopped coming. Did you even notice? I'm sorry, David. -I'm sorry, David. It hurt me, Alex. Very much. -It hurt me, Alex. Very much. Then why are you here? -It's my Jamie's birthday today. Your godson. He's nine years old. At his party he asked me if Uncle Alex was coming. I told him no. Then he asked me if you didn't like him anymore. For God's Sake, David -- -For God's Sake, David -- There are some things I need to say to you. You may not like hearing them, but I don't know if I'll ever get another chance -- -There are some things I need to say to you. You may not like hearing them, but I don't know if I'll ever get another chance -- You care for me. And you're concerned. And I have to start living my life again. I hear it from Mrs. Watchit every day. -You care for me. And you're concerned. And I have to start living my life again. I hear it from Mrs. Watchit every day. But you won't listen. You won't see me, you won't see anyone. What would you like me to tell Jamie? That Uncle Alex is busy? That Uncle Alex is hiding up there in his laboratory -- -But you won't listen. You won't see me, you won't see anyone. What would you like me to tell Jamie? That Uncle Alex is busy? That Uncle Alex is hiding up there in his laboratory -- Hiding? -Hiding? You know that's what it is. Mrs. Watchit tells me you're here at all hours -- day and night -- -You know that's what it is. Mrs. Watchit tells me you're here at all hours -- day and night -- That's because I'm working. You remember that? You used to care about your work. -That's because I'm working. You remember that? You used to care about your work. I care more about my life. And yours. -What happened to Emma will never go away. It's part of you now and it always will be. But you have to learn to live with it... I live with it every minute of every day. -I live with it every minute of every day. I know that -- -I know that -- You don't know that. You couldn't possibly. If I'd only done this, or that, if I'd arrived ten minutes earlier, or later. If we'd taken a different path or I hadn't fought the man for the ring. You have no idea what it is to relive every moment of that night -- consider every action you made -- and every one of them wrong. -You don't know that. You couldn't possibly. If I'd only done this, or that, if I'd arrived ten minutes earlier, or later. If we'd taken a different path or I hadn't fought the man for the ring. You have no idea what it is to relive every moment of that night -- consider every action you made -- and every one of them wrong. It wasn't your fault, Alex. -It wasn't your fault, Alex. Wasn't it?... I have a dream almost every night now. The Lady and the Tiger, you remember that story? In the dream I'm alone in a huge chamber with a thousand doors. Behind every door, save one, is a tiger. I have to make the decision. Which door conceals Emma? And I just stand there... looking at the doors... -Wasn't it?... I have a dream almost every night now. The Lady and the Tiger, you remember that story? In the dream I'm alone in a huge chamber with a thousand doors. Behind every door, save one, is a tiger. I have to make the decision. Which door conceals Emma? And I just stand there... looking at the doors... Do you find her? -Alex, nothing will ever change what happened, but -- That's where you're wrong. I will change it. -David... I appreciate your concern, I do. But I ask you to have faith in me. Just for a little while longer. I'm working on something now. Something... extraordinary. What is it? -What is it? You wouldn't believe me. -You wouldn't believe me. I would. -I would. I'll tell you what... come by for dinner in a week and I'll show you. -I'll tell you what... come by for dinner in a week and I'll show you. Why don't you come to our house instead? -Why don't you come to our house instead? I can't do that -- -I can't do that -- When's the last time you were outside this house -- -- or this room? -When's the last time you were outside this house -- -- or this room? I can't leave when I'm so close. -I can't leave when I'm so close. There are trains leaving Grand Central every then minutes. A dozen liners leaving the harbor. Get on one of them. Go to Singapore, Scotland, Manchuria, anywhere, just away from here -- -There are trains leaving Grand Central every then minutes. A dozen liners leaving the harbor. Get on one of them. Go to Singapore, Scotland, Manchuria, anywhere, just away from here -- That's absurd -- -That's absurd -- You're dying here. Don't you see that?! -You won't say that in a week. I pray to God that in a week you're not here. -All right. I'll come for dinner. And in the meantime... you'll think about what we discussed? In a week... we will never have had this conversation. -Good night, David. Good night, Alex. -And this would be my study. There was an elm tree outside the window then. I'm glad. -This... was my home. His home. -Couldn't help but overhearing. Two fine young people starting out on the road of life. I wish you the very best. Thank you... -Thank you... I hope it's a happy journey for you both -- and much as I hate to do this, moved as I am by your protestations of love, I'll be needing your money now. -I hope it's a happy journey for you both -- and much as I hate to do this, moved as I am by your protestations of love, I'll be needing your money now. Sir...? -Sir...? And your jewelry too. I guess we could consider this your first little bump on the road to married bliss. -And your jewelry too. I guess we could consider this your first little bump on the road to married bliss. I don't understand. -Did you hear me, lad? All right, all right -- here -- everything -- -You're up! You must be feeling better -- Yes... -How long did you travel? Well it seems like a long time -- but it wasn't really. It's rather hard to explain. -Yes. Thank you. -Is there a lot of illness? Some. But I mean we aren't all so... handsome. -His curiosity is amazing. Mm. -Kalen will tire you out if you let him. He's always been curious. His father was firm with him but... it's just his way. Your husband is dead? -Your husband is dead? He's gone to a better place. -It's hard for me to imagine a better place. Where I come from there's so much... frenzy. Day and night. It seems we're all running faster and faster... ... All in identical bowler hats. You're not from beyond the valley. -You're not from beyond the valley. What makes you say that? -We don't have anything like this. Or the machine where Kalen found you. And I doubt they do beyond the valley... Now where do you come from? You might find the truth rather hard to understand. -You might find the truth rather hard to understand. Then you can speak slowly. -Oh, that explains everything. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. -I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. That machine -- -That machine -- Allowed me to travel from my time to yours. -Allowed me to travel from my time to yours. How long ago? -How long ago? More than 800,000 years. -Why? Why not? -Why not? Why would you do that? -I might find the truth rather hard to understand?... Can you go back? Yes. Or forward into the future. I suppose I really should check on the machine, see that it hasn't been damaged... -Yes. Or forward into the future. I suppose I really should check on the machine, see that it hasn't been damaged... I'll take you tomorrow... You must have seen a lot on your journey. -I'll take you tomorrow... You must have seen a lot on your journey. For a time it was astounding. I saw the years spinning by, I was in the years spinning by. We made such advances. I don't understand half of them. There was a machine that talked to me and others that flew through the sky... We must have been incredible thinkers and artists -- -Is he all right? Just a dream. You should sleep too. You're still not well. -I'm going to sit with Kalen. Keep the fire burning if you can. I will... -I'll take you to your machine tomorrow. Thank you... -You seem fascinated by the stars. You can see so many here. -You can see so many here. Don't then have stars where you come from? -Don't then have stars where you come from? Not like this... They don't seem so bright with all the city lights. I never really noticed them much... -Good night, then. Good night. -Mara, I had a strange dream last night. I was here, walking through a forest very much like this, and then... Then you came to a desert and mountains... -Then you came to a desert and mountains... Yes. -Yes. And you saw a shape ahead of you... -And you saw a shape ahead of you... Yes! -Yes! We all have that dream. -We all have that dream. All of you? -All of you? Every night. -Every night. You share dreams? That's incredible. -You share dreams? That's incredible. We share everything. -This is magnificent... Thank you. -Thank you. "And this is your ""work""?" -"And this is your ""work""?" Yes. -The mud carriers. I can see Kalen's point. -I can see Kalen's point. Want to be a high climber now, do you? -Want to be a high climber now, do you? What you need is an engineer. If you set up a system of pulleys and counterweights, some basic block and tackle mechanism, you could to this a lot more easily. -What you need is an engineer. If you set up a system of pulleys and counterweights, some basic block and tackle mechanism, you could to this a lot more easily. It's not supposed to be easy, it's supposed to be beautiful. -It's not supposed to be easy, it's supposed to be beautiful. What's it all for? -What's it all for? I don't understand. -I don't understand. I mean, why do you do it? What purpose does it serve? -I mean, why do you do it? What purpose does it serve? It has no purpose. It's just beautiful... Does everything have a purpose where you come from? -It has no purpose. It's just beautiful... Does everything have a purpose where you come from? Most things. We're very high on purpose. -Most things. We're very high on purpose. It's always been this way here. We work on the towers all our lives. When we're young we train to be planners or climbers or sculptors... -It's always been this way here. We work on the towers all our lives. When we're young we train to be planners or climbers or sculptors... Or mud carriers. -Or mud carriers. And there's no shame to that. It's all the same here. Everyone has an important job to do. We all work together and couldn't survive without each other. -And there's no shame to that. It's all the same here. Everyone has an important job to do. We all work together and couldn't survive without each other. What are you? -What are you? I'm a planner. I help decide where the new towers go and what they should look like. -I'm a planner. I help decide where the new towers go and what they should look like. How do you decide? -How do you decide? I try to imagine how they'll look when they're done. I try to imagine how we'll fit in with them... our place in the world. -... It was a great city. The greatest city in the world. You liked it there. -You liked it there. Oh, very much... ... I used to work somewhere in that direction, I think. A huge university where we taught everything from botany to history to literature. -Oh, very much... ... I used to work somewhere in that direction, I think. A huge university where we taught everything from botany to history to literature. Learning was important? -Learning was important? Oh very. Learning, commerce, the arts -- the whole place was buzzing all the time. Night and day. -Oh very. Learning, commerce, the arts -- the whole place was buzzing all the time. Night and day. Did you have fires at night? -Did you have fires at night? Only to keep warm. For illumination we had gaslights on most of the streets and a new invention called electrical lighting that made it seem like daylight all through the night. -Only to keep warm. For illumination we had gaslights on most of the streets and a new invention called electrical lighting that made it seem like daylight all through the night. It must have been safe. -It must have been safe. Oh, it was... ... Most of the time. -Oh, it was... ... Most of the time. It sounds like a wonderful place to live. -It sounds like a wonderful place to live. Looking back... I suppose it was. I didn't quite realize it at the time but... -Alexander...? Orion's belt... -Those rocks, over there... they're the same... this is... Central Park. You know this? -You know this? Over there was Fifth Avenue -- and the Plaza Hotel was there... this is... the carriage path. We're on the carriage path. -This is where my journey started... right here. You lost someone. -You lost someone. Yes. -Yes. Someone you loved very much. -Someone you loved very much. Yes... After her death, it was intolerable for me here... The future had to be better. -Yes... After her death, it was intolerable for me here... The future had to be better. Is it? -Is it? If you only knew... -You've welcomed me into your home. Into your lives. Everyone has... For the first time in a long time it doesn't hurt quite so much. I thank you for that. I know what it is to lose someone. When my husband was taken from us... I thought the pain would never end. -Good -- it looks fine. We had quite a ride together... It's undamaged? -It's undamaged? Yes... a little scorching on the upholstery but otherwise all ship- shape. -Yes... a little scorching on the upholstery but otherwise all ship- shape. So you can use it now? -So you can use it now? Yes... I suppose so. -Yes... I suppose so. Go back to your own time? -Go back to your own time? I could... -Alexander, take my son away. Take him back to your time. Will you do that? Mara -- -Mara -- Please, I beg you. Take him away from here -- -Kalen... Mara...? -Mara...? No! -Mara -- what -- ?! Kalen -- we have to get Kalen -- ! -It was different then. My laboratory was about... here. And the kitchen was over there, where that tree is. Mrs. Watchit wouldn't allow me in much... but, yes, this is about the kitchen. -Oh huzzah, the master's home. Do you have it?! -Do you have it?! Hello, Mr. Philby. -Don't torture me -- do you have it? I have it, but don't you think for one moment I'll be letting you go out in that filthy coat -- now go upstairs and change. I've laid out your green coat. -I have it, but don't you think for one moment I'll be letting you go out in that filthy coat -- now go upstairs and change. I've laid out your green coat. What's the matter with -- ? -- What would I do without you, Mrs. Watchit? -Now that's more like it. You look a proper gentlemen for once. Then if Emma turns me down will you marry me? -Then if Emma turns me down will you marry me? Oh, I'm already swooning. -Oh, I'm already swooning. Ouch -- all right, wish me luck. -Sir, Mr. Philby is here. Here? -Here? Yes, sir, he -- -Yes, sir, he -- Tell him to go away -- -All right, Mrs. Watchit. You can go. May I get you some -- -May I get you some -- That'll be all. -Dr. Philby, Dr. Hartdegen. I received the most extraordinary letter last week. From a parent. We are always pleased to receive letters from parents. They are our employers, after all. This gentleman's son is in your class, Dr. Hartdegen. I see. -I see. "As I recall the syllabus the name of your tutorial is ""Applied Mathematics and Engineering"", am I correct?" -"As I recall the syllabus the name of your tutorial is ""Applied Mathematics and Engineering"", am I correct?" Exactly correct, sir. -Well, just as I thought. Surely it's all been a terrible mistake. This parent actually suggested that your freshman course in applied mathematics has somehow become a seminar on theoretical physics! Imagine that. -Imagine that. But I know that none of my faculty would ever deviate from the assigned curriculum. -But I know that none of my faculty would ever deviate from the assigned curriculum. "Well... perhaps I have ""deviated"" the tiniest bit." -"Well... perhaps I have ""deviated"" the tiniest bit." Might I ask why? -Might I ask why? Because the assigned curriculum is boring. -Sir, that curriculum is forty years out of date. The students today are looking toward the new century -- they want to be challenged and inspired, not spoon-fed dusty old equations that have been proved a thousand times. They want to explore. Do they? -And roosters. "No, Dr. Hartdegen, they are not just chickens and roosters. They are science. Perhaps they aren't ""inspiring"" to you. Perhaps they don't ""challenge"" you --" -"No, Dr. Hartdegen, they are not just chickens and roosters. They are science. Perhaps they aren't ""inspiring"" to you. Perhaps they don't ""challenge"" you --" No, sir -- -No, sir -- Animal husbandry is science, Dr. Hartdegen. I have been breeding these fowl for fourteen years. I have filled a library with information on their feeding patterns, social behavior and breeding. Empirical, exacting, quantifiable records. -Animal husbandry is science, Dr. Hartdegen. I have been breeding these fowl for fourteen years. I have filled a library with information on their feeding patterns, social behavior and breeding. Empirical, exacting, quantifiable records. Sir -- -With respect, sir, would we have the telegraph without fantasy? Would we have radium and X-rays without someone first dreaming we could? The advances you speak of were the result of countless years of study and empirical experimentation, a careful evolutionary process, not chalkboard parlor-tricks. -The advances you speak of were the result of countless years of study and empirical experimentation, a careful evolutionary process, not chalkboard parlor-tricks. My equations are not parlor-tricks! -My equations are not parlor-tricks! "Abstract mathematics, relativity of dimensions, geometrical ""durations"" -- even allowing for the uses of speculation, what is the point?" -"Abstract mathematics, relativity of dimensions, geometrical ""durations"" -- even allowing for the uses of speculation, what is the point?" Because it's a new way of seeing the world! Of seeing our place in it! -Yes, sir. Very good. Now if you will excuse us for a moment. -And hungry, I'd say. You had such a long journey. I did... -I did... Well, we're happy you're here. Come inside. -"""Eloi""?" What are your people called? -What are your people called? Well, I guess you'd call us... New Yorkers. -Well, I guess you'd call us... New Yorkers. New Yorkers. -We had another visitor from beyond the valley about four years ago. His name was Moren. Do you know him? No... -No... He said he traveled for two months. -He said he traveled for two months. I took a different route. -Oh, very different. But not entirely... I mean we have lots of, um, trees and such. But not everywhere. And more roads. And buildings. Why? -Why? To live in. There's a lot of us... beyond the valley. -To live in. There's a lot of us... beyond the valley. New Yorkers. -New Yorkers. Yes. I hope you won't take this the wrong way but is there someone older I could talk to? An elder or patriarch of some kind? -I am the oldest. No, I mean someone considerably older. Your father perhaps? -No, I mean someone considerably older. Your father perhaps? My father has gone to a better place. -My father has gone to a better place. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... -I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... Of course. You're just tired. Mara, will you look after Alexander tonight? -Good morning, Alexander. Feeling up to some work? I suppose so. -Where do they take them?! We don't know. -We don't know. We have to go after them, find where -- ! -We have to go after them, find where -- ! Alexander, I know you're trying to help. But they don't come back. -Alexander, I know you're trying to help. But they don't come back. What do you mean?! -What do you mean?! They've gone to a better place. -They've gone to a better place. You know that's not true. -You know that's not true. We choose to believe it. -We choose to believe it. My God! How can you just do nothing!? They're your friends, your family. You all knew Mara. You ate with her and worked with her... Your work in the valley, what is that for if not to -- -This is out life, Alexander. It's a hard life but it is how we have always lived. Then it's time to change that -- -Then it's time to change that -- We are what we are. -You won't even try? We can't change the day and the night, Alexander. This is the world. -My fowl have polluted the yard. Dean Fulton... -Sir, if I may -- Young man, we have a way of doing things here. Radical theorizing is not acceptable. Have I made myself understood? -If I might explain, sir -- You supported his application, Dr. Philby. You are his senior, advisor. I depend upon you to restrain his... excesses. Any repetition of the behavior I witnessed in his classroom today and there will be consequences for you both. -You supported his application, Dr. Philby. You are his senior, advisor. I depend upon you to restrain his... excesses. Any repetition of the behavior I witnessed in his classroom today and there will be consequences for you both. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Now you are upsetting my fowl. Please go. -How did you get hurt? Kalen... -Kalen... I found you. I saved your life. You were bleeding all over the place! -I found you. I saved your life. You were bleeding all over the place! That's quite enough, Kalen. -What did you do at night? What's it like where you come from? -We'll see about that. I am. Are you a climber? -I want to see your home. Will you take me? Kalen, right now you need to go up to bed. You're exhausting Alexander. -Kalen, right now you need to go up to bed. You're exhausting Alexander. You'll tell me more tomorrow? -Kalen, it's all right, I'm here -- They're here! They're inside the house -- ! -They're here! They're inside the house -- ! No, you're safe -- -No, you're safe -- They're inside -- -They're inside -- Kalen, look at me. There's no one here but us. You see... I'm here, you're here, Alexander's here. There are no Morlocks. It was just a dream... -Hello, Mrs. Watchit. You're looking in the pink. Must be all the exercise I get scampering up and down these stairs like a wee lamb. -I wonder if that poor girl has any idea what she's in for? For our sake, I hope not. -I don't know what to tell you, sir. He's been gone this whole week. And you've no idea where he went? -And you've no idea where he went? No, sir. -Sir? I'm glad he's gone. Maybe he's finally found a place where he can be happy. -I think I might be. But there'll be some changes made. I run a tight house. I have no doubt of that. I'll come by in the morning and we'll arrange it. Goodnight, Mrs. Watchit. -I have no doubt of that. I'll come by in the morning and we'll arrange it. Goodnight, Mrs. Watchit. Goodnight, Mr. Philby. -You ok? I'm fine. -I'm fine. [Beat] Listen, I hate to bother you... -[Beat] Listen, I hate to bother you... Then don't. -Then don't. But... what about Starks? -But... what about Starks? What about Starks? -What about Starks? Should we be... -Should we be... Should we be what? Trying to change him any way we can? [Beat] Yes. -Should we be what? Trying to change him any way we can? [Beat] Yes. But the Jacket? I mean...should we be leaving him in like that? -Don't get all worked up, Justin. I expected some common sense on your part and clearly I was expecting too much. [Beat] Just open the drawer. We never should have done this to him... -We never should have done this to him... Well, what are we gonna do about it now? -Well, your condition's pretty serious. [Beat] So they say. [Off Becker's steady gaze] What? -[Beat] So they say. [Off Becker's steady gaze] What? I'm just looking at you. Does that make you uncomfortable? -I'm just looking at you. Does that make you uncomfortable? Depends on what you're seeing. -You said you couldn't remember killing Officer Harrison. Correct? [Beat] You don't believe me, do you? -[Beat] You don't believe me, do you? It's not my job to believe you. -He's recovering on the third floor. Are you kidding me? He's not psychotic! -Are you kidding me? He's not psychotic! Then how would you describe him, Beth? Merely rebellious? -I don't know better. All I know is that you left me in there. In where? -In where? [Uncertainly] In that thing...the Jacket. -We were forced to use restrains if that's what you're referring to. That wasn't a fucking restraint. -That wasn't a fucking restraint. Actually, that's exactly what our equipment is. -Relax. Don't act like I don't know what's real. [Beat] I'm not the one that's crazy here. -Don't act like I don't know what's real. [Beat] I'm not the one that's crazy here. [Pointedly] Of course you're not. -You're just suffering from delusions that are unfortunately part of your condition. Don't give me that. I know what's real, goddamnit! You strapped me in something and stuck me in a drawer. -I didn't dream it. I may have been asleep but it wasn't a dream. BECKER sits down in a CHAIR, half-shrouded in the light. I had a patient a few years ago. His name was Ted Casey... -I had a patient a few years ago. His name was Ted Casey... I don't give a shit about your patient! -I don't give a shit about your patient! I wasn't pausing to see if you did. [Beat] But, incidentally, you should, because you're birds of a feather. -We are not birds of a feather. Maybe not. [Beat] But I do think you're in a tree... woofing like a dog. And I'm just trying to help you the only way I can think of. -Long live the Organization for the Organized! Sit down, Mr. Starks! Sit down, Mr. Starks! -Hello, William. I understand you've been asking for me almost every hour. I would've been here sooner but you gave our little state visitor quite a bit to talk to me about. That's too bad. -That's too bad. "It is. But when it comes down to it, you just have to patient with them. They'd rather have their vacation, too, so they just push dealing with our ""practices"" off to the New Year." -"It is. But when it comes down to it, you just have to patient with them. They'd rather have their vacation, too, so they just push dealing with our ""practices"" off to the New Year." They make it hard for you to get away with your business, huh? -They make it hard for you to get away with your business, huh? Temporarily. -And what's that? My business? -My business? Yes. -Yes. Getting away with things. Like whatever I may or may not have gotten away with Officer Harrison. -Getting away with things. Like whatever I may or may not have gotten away with Officer Harrison. You killed him? -I'll say a prayer for you in Church today, Starks. Maybe the Gods can pick up where the medicine left off. You sure you know where to find one? -You sure you know where to find one? I've managed to every Sunday of my life. [Beat] Some of us are God- fearing men, Starks. -I've managed to every Sunday of my life. [Beat] Some of us are God- fearing men, Starks. And what does that mean? -And what does that mean? Means we believe in doing his work and fear what the world would be like if we didn't at least try to. -Becker, how do you sleep at night? You in here. [Beat] Works like a drug. -Who are you? I think you know. Your eyes say you do. -I think you know. Your eyes say you do. [Beat] You're his son? -[Beat] You're his son? No. I'm not his son. I'm him. [Beat] What? You look like you've seen a ghost. You can come here and touch me, old man. I'm the real thing. -No. I'm not his son. I'm him. [Beat] What? You look like you've seen a ghost. You can come here and touch me, old man. I'm the real thing. How...how are you here? -You died, Starks. Years ago, in the hospital. I know. [Beat] You killed me, didn't you? -I know. [Beat] You killed me, didn't you? No. I didn't. I swear I didn't. I probably helped push you to kill yourself, but I didn't do it. -No. I didn't. I swear I didn't. I probably helped push you to kill yourself, but I didn't do it. I didn't kill myself. I died from a blow to the head. How'd it happen? I have to know. -I don't know how you died. The last time I put you in the Jacket was just after you told me you remembered killing that police officer... I didn't say I remembered killing him. I just repeated some words to get myself back in there. -I didn't say I remembered killing him. I just repeated some words to get myself back in there. I know. [Beat] I knew that when you came out. -I know. [Beat] I knew that when you came out. How? -How? Because...because you came out and said something you couldn't have possibly have known. You came back and repeated three names... -Of people like you. People I was just trying to help. They couldn't get worse so I thought, with medication, they might get... Medication? What kind of meds do you chase with nights in a cadaver drawer? -Medication? What kind of meds do you chase with nights in a cadaver drawer? It was part of the treatment I intended...I didn't know what the effects would be... -It was part of the treatment I intended...I didn't know what the effects would be... So, what, you guinea pig sick people to find out? -So, what, you guinea pig sick people to find out? The three of you weren't regular patients. You were criminals that ended up at Alpine Grove. -The three of you weren't regular patients. You were criminals that ended up at Alpine Grove. No, we were patients. -How did you come to know their names? You just told me. The last time I was with you was when I was in the Jacket. I'm in it right now, Dr. Becker. -You just told me. The last time I was with you was when I was in the Jacket. I'm in it right now, Dr. Becker. I don't understand... -I don't understand... I'm in it as we speak. [Beat] You're haunting yourself right now. [Beat] I guess sometimes we indict ourselves if no one else does. You didn't make history like you wanted to, huh, Dr. Becker. It turned out different, didn't it? -I'm in it as we speak. [Beat] You're haunting yourself right now. [Beat] I guess sometimes we indict ourselves if no one else does. You didn't make history like you wanted to, huh, Dr. Becker. It turned out different, didn't it? I didn't put you in Alpine Grove. -I didn't put you in Alpine Grove. No. [Beat] You put me on drugs and then you put me in the Jacket. -Do I know you from somewhere? You may have known my father, William Starks. -That's right! Goddamn, you're the spitting image. I didn't know he had a son. He didn't either. -Did you know my father? Oh yeah, sure. He killed a cop, right? -My father used to talk about you. Oh yeah, what'd he say? -Look here, I don't like you getting in my face and saying this bullshit to me... That's too bad. -That's too bad. I thought you said you never knew your father. -I thought you said you never knew your father. I didn't. [Beat] Did you have anything to do with his death? -I didn't. [Beat] Did you have anything to do with his death? I don't know what you're talking about, man. I swear. This is some weird shit you're telling me... and I don't know how come you're doing it. -He died because he bled to death from a blow to his head. Someone had to have given him it. I never touched your father! I swear! -We're late. I wish they'd skip the formality of this annual review and just cut our budget. Our silence on the matter should be enough to appease the civic conscience without wasting an hour we don't have. -I wish they'd skip the formality of this annual review and just cut our budget. Our silence on the matter should be enough to appease the civic conscience without wasting an hour we don't have. Maybe it's not such a waste. -It's the ticking of a box on a sheet of paper no one cares about. They don't care about all the things we do right. [Beat] But they might ...they might care about what we're doing wrong. [Beat] That's what they should come here to look for. -What should they be looking for? They should just be looking harder. -Where? [Beat] It's Becker isn't it? He's doing stuff, isn't he? Later. I'll tell you about it later. We got a session to catch now. -You look like you've lost some weight. Are you eating? I am. One of the few things I remember doing is eating. So I guess I must be exercising it off in my dreams. -You done with your small talk? Sure. -Sure. Good. -This is really happening, isn't it? [Beat] What do you need me to do? -[Beat] What do you need me to do? [Beat] Thank you. -I need to get this letter to someone. I can't take you out of here in your condition... -I can't take you out of here in your condition... And I can't stay here in my condition. I am going to die tonight. It's already been decided. -And I can't stay here in my condition. I am going to die tonight. It's already been decided. No, it hasn't. -No, it hasn't. Yes. [Beat] It has. Everything up 'till today is done. Everything starting with tomorrow is up for grabs. -I'm sorry I can't tell you more about your father's death, Mr. Starks. Our own medical examiners determined only that he died from a blunt trauma to the head but that was right around the time the Alpine Grove's staff changed and I'm afraid we didn't have the best record system before then. His body was found on January 1, 1993, but do you know if that was long after he had died? -His body was found on January 1, 1993, but do you know if that was long after he had died? No, I don't. I'm sorry. I wish I knew more. -No, I don't. I'm sorry. I wish I knew more. What about Dr. Thomas Becker or Dr. Loel Lorenson? There was also a Dr. Gries, I think. -What about Dr. Thomas Becker or Dr. Loel Lorenson? There was also a Dr. Gries, I think. Well, Dr. Lorenson is still here at the hospital. If she was here at the time your father was, then I'm sure she'd be of more help to you. -Well, Dr. Lorenson is still here at the hospital. If she was here at the time your father was, then I'm sure she'd be of more help to you. What about Dr. Becker and Mr. Gries? -What about Dr. Becker and Mr. Gries? Unfortunately, I'm not familiar with Dr. Becker and Dr. Gries passed away three, four years ago. -Get your fucking hands off my daughter! Mom, he just fixed our car. -Mom, he just fixed our car. Jackie, get in the car. NOW! -I'm sorry? Your face looks awfully familiar, I just can't quite place it... Mom, this is the guy that drove us home that afternoon we were stuck on the highway. The guy you yelled at for no good reason... -Mom, this is the guy that drove us home that afternoon we were stuck on the highway. The guy you yelled at for no good reason... Oh, yeah. -Jackie, go play in the snow. Why? -Why? Just do it. -Come on, mom. Don't fall asleep... You two ok? -You two ok? Our car won't start. -Your mom take anything before this happened? Yeah, but I don't know what. -Yeah, but I don't know what. [Beat] What's your name? -[Beat] What's your name? Jackie. -But I like it I guess. Hey, can you reach the gas pedal? -Hey, can you reach the gas pedal? Yeah. -You're just gonna walk? Yeah, I'll hitch a ride or something. [Beat] Let her throw it all up before she gets back behind the wheel. -What're those? Dog tags. [Off her blank look] They've got your name and date of birth for identification. -Dog tags. [Off her blank look] They've got your name and date of birth for identification. What for? -What for? [Beat] In case you get lost, or can't remember who you are. -I think I can remember what's on them. William Starks. [Beat] Thanks. -What'd you do? Snoop all over the place? You had no right. You had no right to go through anything. [Beat] I know it doesn't make sense. It doesn't even make sense to me. -[Beat] I know it doesn't make sense. It doesn't even make sense to me. If you don't get out of my house right now, I'll call the police. -Jackie, I'm William Starks. I can prove it. What? Now you're gonna show me some kind of driver's license? -What? Now you're gonna show me some kind of driver's license? No, I don't have anything to show you. I'm here from a mental hospital. -No, I don't have anything to show you. I'm here from a mental hospital. Well, you belong in one. -Stop it! Stop it! JACKIE covers her ears and looks at him, pleading with her eyes. STARKS' eyes plead right back. I'm sorry for upsetting you, [beat] but I'm not lying to you. -I'm sorry for upsetting you, [beat] but I'm not lying to you. You can't be William Starks. He's dead. -You can't be William Starks. He's dead. [Beat] What? -[Beat] What? William Starks is dead... [Beat] I've been to his grave. -William Starks is dead... [Beat] I've been to his grave. [Beat] What? -[Beat] What? His body was found New Year's Day, 19...1993. At Alpine... -I looked it up. How? -I gave you my dog tags. No, you didn't. They found William Starks' body dead in the snow. -No, you didn't. They found William Starks' body dead in the snow. How'd he die? -How'd he die? I don't know. But he did die. STARKS falters under the news. JACKIE looks around, through her now blurred eyes, like she might find some help in the apartment. She settles for the BOTTLE of VODKA on the table, lowers the iron fork and takes a long heavy drink, then laughs nervously as she looks up. -I don't know. But he did die. STARKS falters under the news. JACKIE looks around, through her now blurred eyes, like she might find some help in the apartment. She settles for the BOTTLE of VODKA on the table, lowers the iron fork and takes a long heavy drink, then laughs nervously as she looks up. I know what this is...I picked you up when I was drunk and you probably thought I'm just fucked up enough to fall for this. But the thing is I know what I'm doing when I drink. I just usually don't care. Right now, I do though. And I want you out. Now. -I know what this is...I picked you up when I was drunk and you probably thought I'm just fucked up enough to fall for this. But the thing is I know what I'm doing when I drink. I just usually don't care. Right now, I do though. And I want you out. Now. It's December 25th, 1993 today. -It's December 25th, 1993 today. No, it's not. [Beat] It's December 25th, 2004. -I'm telling you I don't care what time you think you're in. You're not William Starks. [Beat] I don't believe in many things, but I believe in death. And it doesn't give back what it takes. So whoever you are...I did a nice thing, you've made me regret it enough already, so please, just leave. I'll leave. But look at me. Look at my face, Jackie. I'm not lying. I met you and your mother. I told you then that I'd lost my memory. [Beat] There was no one for miles around so I know you know there's no way I could have known that from a pair of dog tags you had lying around. -I'll leave. But look at me. Look at my face, Jackie. I'm not lying. I met you and your mother. I told you then that I'd lost my memory. [Beat] There was no one for miles around so I know you know there's no way I could have known that from a pair of dog tags you had lying around. Please... -The Jacket. That's what they call it, right? Yeah. -Yeah. It was banned, you know... and it led to an investigation of Dr. Becker's mistreatment of some of his patients. That's when they found out how badly he was drugging his patients... -But no one knew until after... After I... -[Beat] You bled to death. What? -What? I don't know how you got the cut to your head, but you died bleeding from it. -Do you really believe me? I don't know. [Beat] I thought I was crazy after you left that day. I died. I still think I could be crazy. But then I replayed that night in my head -- the parts of it I could remember -- and it was like...I don't care if I was, or am. I haven't felt that way in a room with someone my whole life. [Beat] And when you left, all I wanted was... -[Softly] I want to trust you. Should I trust you? Yes. -Yes. Then we need to figure out what happened to you. It's the only thing we can do. -Then we need to figure out what happened to you. It's the only thing we can do. I know. -I know. Alpine Grove still exists. I looked it up on the net. We should go there and see if there's still anyone around who might have known what happened to you. -Alpine Grove still exists. I looked it up on the net. We should go there and see if there's still anyone around who might have known what happened to you. If they don't take me out before then. [As an afterthought] What's the net? -I didn't kill Officer Harrison. I know. -I know. How? Did they figure it out after I died? -How? Did they figure it out after I died? No. They never figured it out. I did. Most murderers don't stop to help a drunk woman and her little girl on the side of the road. Not without hurting them. -I don't believe a thing she just said. Me neither. Who was the boy she was talking about, Eugene? -Me neither. Who was the boy she was talking about, Eugene? I have no idea. -I have no idea. You think Lorenson kills you? -You think Lorenson kills you? Maybe. I don't know. Seems more likely Becker does, but at the very least she knows how I died. -Maybe. I don't know. Seems more likely Becker does, but at the very least she knows how I died. Let's see if they have an address for Becker. I also want to figure out more about the kid you helped her with. -Let's see if they have an address for Becker. I also want to figure out more about the kid you helped her with. Why? -Why? Because that's the part I believe is true. You probably did help her somehow with the boy and Eugene's name did come up over and over again on the abstracts I pulled. -How long do we have? I don't know. -I don't know. They told me Becker's in Shelbourne now. I looked him up and he was listed. -What about Captain Medley? He never told them what happened to you over there. His testimony...that coward wanted them to think you were crazy. I know. It was perfect. [Beat] Erase my sanity and you erase anything I'll ever say. -Of course it makes me mad. It makes me more than mad. Just like remembering the face of the man who killed that officer and knowing nothing more about him. But what's it gonna do for me to find them now? I can't fix everything in three days. You've got to get yourself out of that place. They're going to kill you if you don't. -You've got to get yourself out of that place. They're going to kill you if you don't. I might not be able to. -I might not be able to. It's not a prison, it's a hospital. There's got to be some way out of there and you've got to find it... -Me, too. Here, drink this. I'll get the heat going. -You're sure? Yeah. I called the number yesterday to make sure. Thomas Becker, retired M.D. -They're not here. They're not. -They're not. [Beat, lost] No. -What? What are you thinking? There're no cars on this street. -I don't know. Maybe that's because this whole thing is a dream. How can you have a street with no cars on it? I don't know. But this isn't a dream. I'm real, and so is where we are. -I don't know. But this isn't a dream. I'm real, and so is where we are. Then why isn't there anyone around? -Then why isn't there anyone around? [Beat] I don't know. -Of course he will. [Beat] What day of the week is it? It's Sunday. -They've got lives to be grateful for. William, you're not making sense. -William, you're not making sense. [Beat] They're at Church. And I bet that's where Becker is. -That's all you got from him? That bastard helped take your life away from you. No, he didn't. -No, he didn't. What? How can you say that? He's the one that put you in that goddamn medieval...Jacket. He's probably the one who killed you. -If everything hadn't happened the way it has, then I wouldn't be here right now, sitting in a car with you, touching your face. Why are you saying that? [Beat] We don't have long, do we? -Where are we going? To the hospital. -What's happening to me? Why am I getting so much weaker? Because your body can only take so much of what they're putting you through. -Lorenson's the only one that could let me out of there. I need something to persuade her that I was there. Get me something to take to her. Ok. Ssh. Rest. -What? When we first met, when you were 7, where was the house you lived in with your mother? Do you remember your address? -When we first met, when you were 7, where was the house you lived in with your mother? Do you remember your address? 112 Orchard Way. [Realizing, in a whisper] You're not coming back, are you? -You gotta stop thinking like that. Then, where are you going? -Then, where are you going? Nowhere. [Beat] I just think I'm gonna be sick. -I've been ok. Good. How's your mom? -Good. How's your mom? Ok, I guess. -[Beat] You be good to yourself, Jackie. Ok. -I think so. You're bleeding pretty bad there. -It's ok. It's ok. Relax. It's just a cut. We can get it fixed. But we need to get you to the hospital now. How'd you get that? I fell down. [Beat] But I'm alive. -How you doin'? I'm doing fine. -Just a little, when we were looking up information about William's father. How did he help? It's complicated, but [looking at Starks] in a way, your father let me know how I'd get through to him. -It's complicated, but [looking at Starks] in a way, your father let me know how I'd get through to him. How? -How? He just said...that I'd shock Eugene and then things would change for him. -He just said...that I'd shock Eugene and then things would change for him. I don't understand. -I don't understand. I still don't either, even after all these years. -Because Becker resigned after the charges brought against him by State Patient Advocacy Groups. I see you've done your homework. [Beat] Alpine Grove's undergone a lot of changes since then. At the time, we didn't have the...resources to help our patients the way we needed to. [Beat] Now, we do. And things are different. -And if I didn't want to come? I guess I'd ask you why. -I guess I'd ask you why. Because I don't think I'm crazy. -Because I don't think I'm crazy. You're not crazy. -You were convicted of the crime. That conviction doesn't convince me of anything. Until I know that I did it, I'm not going to accept that I did. -That conviction doesn't convince me of anything. Until I know that I did it, I'm not going to accept that I did. You may never remember at all. [Beat] Your mind's grasp of reality and the real events that have happened to you has been damaged. -You may never remember at all. [Beat] Your mind's grasp of reality and the real events that have happened to you has been damaged. No. The real events that have happened to me have been fucked up. Not my mind. -Why, what would you do? I could try to...make it stop. -I could try to...make it stop. No. I don't want it to. -No. I don't want it to. So it's helping? -You should be careful. You could be killed if they found you out here. Believe me, I know. -My God you look exactly like him. I never knew my father. Did you? -I never knew my father. Did you? Yeah, I did. [Beat] He was my most memorable patient. -Yeah, I did. [Beat] He was my most memorable patient. Why? -At the end, he made me change my mind about a lot of things. You thought my father was crazy? -What case? I was working with a boy named Eugene. -How'd he get it? [Beat] I don't know. -[Beat] I don't know. But Dr. Morgan said you were around when my father was... -But Dr. Morgan said you were around when my father was... I was. But I saw a lot of cuts and a lot of blows. I'm sorry I don't know more about your father's. [Sincerely] I didn't know about everything that went on here. -Well, do you think Dr. Becker would have any idea? How do you know about Dr. Becker? -How do you know about Dr. Becker? My dad wrote some things down before he died. -So maybe Dr. Becker would know. [Beat] But, as I'm sure you know, the statute of limitations has run out for charging the hospital with any liabilities. Why would we do that? -It's important for you to know who your father was, isn't it? [Beat] Yeah, it is. -Exactly. Well... [beat] let me know how your search turns out. -Well... [beat] let me know how your search turns out. [Beat] We will. -You'll die if you keep smoking those in your condition. I'll die either way. -What do you mean? You have no idea what's going on. -You have no idea what's going on. No, I do. That's what I'm saying to you. -No, I do. That's what I'm saying to you. Listen to me! You don't! The Jacket is my only chance in this place. -You don't understand. Then help me understand. You know, you're not alone. A lot of Gulf Vets have begun to experience curious symptoms. What you have might well be a syndrome and, if so, it's not one we know enough about to be treating it this vigorously. -Then help me understand. You know, you're not alone. A lot of Gulf Vets have begun to experience curious symptoms. What you have might well be a syndrome and, if so, it's not one we know enough about to be treating it this vigorously. This has nothing to do with that. -I don't know. [Frustrated] Remember? Come on. Tell me what you do know. -Come on. Tell me what you do know. [Beat] I've seen a time that's not this time. And I'm only able to see it when I'm in the Jacket. -[Beat] I've seen a time that's not this time. And I'm only able to see it when I'm in the Jacket. Well, what time is it? -Well, what time is it? 2004. -Ok fine. Tell me about it. Tell me about the future. 2004. What does it look like? It doesn't look all that different. -It doesn't look all that different. The future doesn't look different? -The future doesn't look different? No. Not for people like me. [Beat] Not in the places I come from. -No. Not for people like me. [Beat] Not in the places I come from. What about the world? -What about the world? I didn't see that much of it -- same as now. I only saw it as part of my own life. -[Beat] Like who? Like MacKenzie maybe? Maybe. -Why don't you help me? Because I don't have time. -Because I don't have time. Why not? -Why not? I'm about to die unless I do something to stop it. -I'm about to die unless I do something to stop it. And how do you know that? -And how do you know that? Because of the future. I know what's going to happen. -Because of the future. I know what's going to happen. William, that is just another facet of my delusions. -How do you know about Eugene? You told me about him. I saw you and I think you thought I knew something about him. So you told me. -Some part of you suspects -- even if you don't know for sure -- that what I'm saying is true. I don't know how you know about Eugene, but these ideas are part of your delusions. -I don't know how you know about Eugene, but these ideas are part of your delusions. NO! They're not my delusions! Look, just leave my business with Becker to me! -I know. I know it all. Save your strength. I already know everything you're going to say. [Beat] You're in the Jacket right now, aren't you? How...how do you know? -How...how do you know? You told me this was how it happened. -You told me this was how it happened. I did? -I did? Yeah. -Who...who kills me? You have nothing to fear, William. -You're going to be ok, William. We just need to get your fever down and we'll be able to hopefully stabilize you. Who are you kidding, Doc? You or me? -Can I get some paper and something to write with. What for? -I'm not gonna let that happen. You still don't believe me, do you? -You still don't believe me, do you? I do believe you... -I do believe you... No. Listen to me...the kid, Eugene... -William, I can't indulge these delusions, even when you're in this state. Listen to me. That's all I ask. -"He's having absence [pronounced ""absance""] seizures when he stares off into space like he does. He has them so often that that's why he hasn't learned to speak properly." Who told you this? -Who told you this? You did, in the future. You figured it out because a part of you already knows this. That's how it works. [Beat] I'm just telling you something you already know, even if you haven't realized it. -I don't know when it'll happen but soon I think, you'll shock the boy and it'll wake him up. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? You'll figure it out and you'll do good by him. -You know how to get there? Sure. It's an easy address. A little far out there, but easy enough. -Sure. It's an easy address. A little far out there, but easy enough. Good. -That's Kingsley. Old bastard hears us, I'm sure. He just doesn't want to bother answering so he makes us think he can't talk. I know. I tried it on my mother for two months once before she fished out my tongue. Literally. [Beat] You're the cop killer, right? Yeah, guess so. How'd you know? -Yeah, guess so. How'd you know? "TV. Helps numb [makes a ""crazy gesture""] any active mind. [Sticking out a jittery hand] Rudy MacKenzie." -I tried to kill my wife. Don't you go to jail for that? -Don't you go to jail for that? I tried something like 30 times. There is, as STARKS rightly figures, no suitable response to that. -Yeah, well 30 times probably would make you seem crazy. Or just plain stupid. You'd think by the twentieth time, I'd have found an alternative method. Maybe a more effective one, if you know what I mean. -What were you talking about the other day? I wasn't talking about anything. -I wasn't talking about anything. Yeah, you were. What you said about them taking me out to the woods... -I know you need one when it's really cold. [Cutting in] MacKenzie, listen to me. Listen. I'm going to die. -[Cutting in] MacKenzie, listen to me. Listen. I'm going to die. Mortality's actually a great thing to be familiar with. It means you're sane on some level. -Mortality's actually a great thing to be familiar with. It means you're sane on some level. [Gravely] No, I mean in four days, I'm supposed to die. -[Gravely] No, I mean in four days, I'm supposed to die. [Beat] How do you know? -[Beat] How do you know? The Jacket. -Oh no, you're pretty young. Your body'll be able to handle a lot more of it than you think... No. [Beat] I mean I found out while I was in it that my body's gonna be found in four days. -It's gonna be sticky. Why? -'Cause Lorenson's got her claws in it now. When she started getting suspicious about me was when they stopped using it on me. Women! So what am I supposed to do? -So what am I supposed to do? You could still always give Becker an itch. 'Course you might get killed when he goes to scratch it, but seems to me you're saying that's about to happen anyway. [Beat] Just be careful not to walk yourself right into something. -"Geez, how's that for a fucking ""thank you""?" Is it true? -MacKenzie, [beat] what if we are crazy? [Shrugging] What if we are? There're crazier things than thinking up fictions for yourself. [Beat] Everyone does it, don't they? Even Becker. That roller coaster car pops more pills than all of Ward 3. -[Shrugging] What if we are? There're crazier things than thinking up fictions for yourself. [Beat] Everyone does it, don't they? Even Becker. That roller coaster car pops more pills than all of Ward 3. Becker does? Are you sure? -Becker does? Are you sure? I've been here for 11 years. It's my neighborhood. 'Course I'm sure. He's as drugged up as the rest of us...I guess he has to be to put up with all this. -You ever been to jail? No. -It's worse than war. It's worse than anywhere you've ever been. I doubt it. [Beat] I don't think prison's so bad you don't want to remember it... -Hey, Mister, you need a ride? Where are you going? -Where are you going? I'm going to Canada but I can let you ride with me up to the border. -Can you drive? Sure. -Sure. Great, get in. We'll switch off in a bit. -If you're deaf, read my lips...I don't need a psycho following me today. [Beat] I'm not deaf. -[Beat] I'm not deaf. Good. -In case you hadn't figured, it's Christmas Eve. You're never gonna get a cab here. [Beat] Thanks. -All right. [Beat] You got somewhere you need to go, Mister? I'm not sure. -I'm not sure. Let me ask you that again. This time, look around and consider your options. -I'm not sure. You don't have anywhere to stay? -You don't have anywhere to stay? I don't think so. -Well, where are you from? I'm not sure. [Beat] I don't really know. -I'm not sure. [Beat] I don't really know. Of course you don't know. -Of course you don't know. "Why ""of course""?" -"Why ""of course""?" Because in my life, it wouldn't make sense for me to pick up some normal guy with a place where he's from and a place where he's going to. It'd be too simple. I probably wouldn't know how to handle a situation like that. -Because in my life, it wouldn't make sense for me to pick up some normal guy with a place where he's from and a place where he's going to. It'd be too simple. I probably wouldn't know how to handle a situation like that. Well, you definitely didn't pick normal or simple this time either. -Well, how'd you get here? [Beat] I was dropped off. -[Beat] I was dropped off. Do you have a motel or something? Money? -No. Well, don't you somewhere? Stuff? Belongings? -Well, don't you somewhere? Stuff? Belongings? No. [Beat] Not around here. -Great. That was our last option. What am I going to do with you? Nothing. [Getting up] Thanks for bringing me this far. -Nothing. [Getting up] Thanks for bringing me this far. Where are you going? You'll freeze out there. You don't even have a coat. -Where are you going? You'll freeze out there. You don't even have a coat. I'll manage. -I'll manage. No, you won't. You'll die of cold out there and then I'll have to feel guilty. And I've already got more guilt than I know what to do with. [Beat] Do you want something to drink? -No, you won't. You'll die of cold out there and then I'll have to feel guilty. And I've already got more guilt than I know what to do with. [Beat] Do you want something to drink? No, I'm ok. -[Beat] Yeah, I'm fine. You know what? It's Christmas Eve. And you look clean -- I mean, you're normal-looking. [Resolutely, for her own benefit] It's Christmas Eve, and I have a couch. -What's this? The best I could do with what was in your fridge. -I only lit it because it was so cold in here. I'm sorry if... No, it's fine. [Beat, swallow] Thanks. -You want a drink? Sure. -This is pretty good. Considering... Thanks. -So you're a waitress, right? I mean...from the uniform you were wearing. Yup. That's me. -Yup. That's me. You like it? -You like it? [Beat] I do it. -[Beat] I do it. Have you always been a waitress? -[Beat] Why'd you stop? Shit happens, and your life changes. 'Bout the best explanation of a lot of things that happen. [Beat] So how come you don't know where you're coming from? -Shit happens, and your life changes. 'Bout the best explanation of a lot of things that happen. [Beat] So how come you don't know where you're coming from? I don't know, but I think part of it's... -Well, good for you. [Beat] Why? -[Beat] Why? [Beat] Real is overrated. -You don't think that's crazy? Maybe. [Beat] Maybe not. -This is a great song. You remember it? -But hey, who can forget those words? The man just wants simple and good things for his woman -- that she be warm and happy. How hard can that be to remember? May be easy to remember, but not easy to get. Being warm, maybe -- but, look, you don't even have a coat and I still have to chop wood to make a fire. [Beat] And, being happy...you tell me if that's simple. -They told me I joined the army when I was seventeen. That's when my father died and, before that, it was apparently just me and him since I was born 'cause my mom split. So you never knew your mother? -So you never knew your mother? I guess not. But, as of now, I never knew either. -I guess not. But, as of now, I never knew either. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Yeah. [Beat] How about you? -Yeah. [Beat] How about you? Never knew my father. I grew up with my mother. Actually, I grew up around my mother. She was great though. I mean, the way she was with her friends... She was this woman who had so much life in her, she had to find ways to kill some of it just to be like the rest of us. [Beat] She died young. -Never knew my father. I grew up with my mother. Actually, I grew up around my mother. She was great though. I mean, the way she was with her friends... She was this woman who had so much life in her, she had to find ways to kill some of it just to be like the rest of us. [Beat] She died young. How? -How? She fucked herself up day after day and then, one day, she fell asleep with a burning cigarette. [Beat] I came home from work and she was gone. -I'm sorry. Yeah, me too. [Softly] Every day for the last ten years. -Yeah, me too. [Softly] Every day for the last ten years. That when you stopped being a nurse? -Damnit, Thelma, don't holler like that! Haven't I told you I can't stand it when you holler in the morning. I'm sorry, Doll, I just didn't want you to be late. -Hon. What. -What. Have a good day at work today. -Have a good day at work today. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Hon? -Hon? What?! -What?! You want anything special for dinner? -You want anything special for dinner? No, Thelma, I don't give a shit what we have for dinner. I may not even make it home for dinner. You know how Fridays are. -No, Thelma, I don't give a shit what we have for dinner. I may not even make it home for dinner. You know how Fridays are. Funny how so many people wanna buy carpet on a Friday night. You'd almost think they's want to forget about it for the weekend. -Funny how so many people wanna buy carpet on a Friday night. You'd almost think they's want to forget about it for the weekend. Well then, it's a good thing you're not regional manager and I am. -'Bye, honey. I won't wait up. See ya. -... only for one day and we'll be back tomorrow night. No you won't. You'll be back today. Now! You get your ass back here, Thelma, now, Goddamnit. Thelma, do you understand me? -Darryl. What? -What? Go fuck yourself. -Honey? Yes, baby? -Yes, baby? Do you think you could ever shoot someone? -Do you think you could ever shoot someone? What? -What? Do you think you could ever think of a set of circumstances that would just cause you to haul off and shoot someone? -Do you think you could ever think of a set of circumstances that would just cause you to haul off and shoot someone? I could shoot your cousin Eddie. -I could shoot your cousin Eddie. Why? -Why? Because he's an inconsiderate asshole. -Because he's an inconsiderate asshole. I'm asking you seriously, Sarah, a stranger? -I'm asking you seriously, Sarah, a stranger? I don't know, honey. I guess it would depend. -I don't know, honey. I guess it would depend. On what? -On what? Well, maybe if they were trying to hurt you or one of the kids. I'm sure I could shoot someone if they tried to hurt one of the children. -Well, maybe if they were trying to hurt you or one of the kids. I'm sure I could shoot someone if they tried to hurt one of the children. Yeah, I could too. But... I don't know why I'm even asking you this. It's just... we can't place anybody at the scene but these two gals that everybody swears is sweet as pie. I don't know. I keep hearing words -- impossible -- inconceivable. If just one person would say... -Yeah, I could too. But... I don't know why I'm even asking you this. It's just... we can't place anybody at the scene but these two gals that everybody swears is sweet as pie. I don't know. I keep hearing words -- impossible -- inconceivable. If just one person would say... Honey. Nothing's impossible. You just don't shoot someone like that for no reason. Maybe he was askin' for it. Anyway, somebody's husband probably got ol' Harlan. -Honey. Nothing's impossible. You just don't shoot someone like that for no reason. Maybe he was askin' for it. Anyway, somebody's husband probably got ol' Harlan. That's what everybody says. Only problem is nobody's husband was unaccounted for that night... Could you shoot Eddie in the face? At point blank range? -That's what everybody says. Only problem is nobody's husband was unaccounted for that night... Could you shoot Eddie in the face? At point blank range? In the leg. -In the leg. I gotta go to Little Rock. -Who's the nut? That's Thelma Dickinson's husband. -That's Thelma Dickinson's husband. Aw, God. -Alright! She did good! Didn't she? Well, son, she's doin' a damn sight better 'n you right now. -We spoke with a gentlemen today who says he personally delivered very close to that same amount to a Miss Louise Sawyer. Do you know her too? Umm, yes. She was driving. -Umm, yes. She was driving. "He said he took it to a motel in Oklahoma City. He also says that at that time he met a man. He identified you through a series of mug shots. He also told us that you and Mrs. Dickinson seemed ""close."" Is that true?" -"He said he took it to a motel in Oklahoma City. He also says that at that time he met a man. He identified you through a series of mug shots. He also told us that you and Mrs. Dickinson seemed ""close."" Is that true?" You might say we had a meeting of the minds, yes. -Did either of them ever indicate that they might be running from the Law? Now that you mention it, they might have been a little bit jumpy. -Now that you mention it, they might have been a little bit jumpy. You know what? You're starting to irritate me. -How do you know I took it? How do you know they didn't just give it to me? There's two girls out there that had a chance, they had a chance...! And you blew it for 'em. Now they've gotten in some serious trouble, some very serious trouble and for at least part of it, I'm gonna hold you personally responsible for anything that happens to them. I've got no feelin' for you. But I may be the only person in the world who gives a rat's ass what happens to them and you're either gonna tell me every damn thing you know, so there's a small chance I can actually do them some good, or I'm gonna be all over you like a fly on shit for the rest of your natural life. Your misery is gonna be my goddamn mission in life. That's a sincere promise. -Could you identify 'em, if ya saw 'em again? Hal, I've told you about twenty times, yes, I could identify 'em, but neither one of them was the type to pull something like this. -Hal, I've told you about twenty times, yes, I could identify 'em, but neither one of them was the type to pull something like this. Well, you're not exactly an expert witness, but what makes you so sure? -Well, you're not exactly an expert witness, but what makes you so sure? If waitin' tables in a bar don't make you an expert on human nature, then nothin' will, and I could've told you that Harlan Puckett would end up buyin' it in a parkin' lot. I'm just surprised it didn't happen before now. -If waitin' tables in a bar don't make you an expert on human nature, then nothin' will, and I could've told you that Harlan Puckett would end up buyin' it in a parkin' lot. I'm just surprised it didn't happen before now. Who do you think did it? -Who do you think did it? Has anybody asked his wife? She's the one I hope did it. -Has anybody asked his wife? She's the one I hope did it. Lena, just cut the bullshit, will ya? Do have any ideas or don't ya? I been standin' in this stupid parkin' lot all goddamn night, and I still got to go file a report before I can go home in time to get back up again! -Lena, just cut the bullshit, will ya? Do have any ideas or don't ya? I been standin' in this stupid parkin' lot all goddamn night, and I still got to go file a report before I can go home in time to get back up again! Well, if I had to guess, I'd say it was some ol' gal, some ol' gal's husband. But it wasn't either one of those two. The tall one, the redhead, she left me a huge tip. -Well, if I had to guess, I'd say it was some ol' gal, some ol' gal's husband. But it wasn't either one of those two. The tall one, the redhead, she left me a huge tip. You didn't happen to notice what kind of car they were driving? -You didn't happen to notice what kind of car they were driving? It's a nightclub, not a drive-in, Hal. I don't follow the customers to the parking lot. -It's a nightclub, not a drive-in, Hal. I don't follow the customers to the parking lot. Alright, Lena. Go on home. We might have to call you in for some more questioning. -I've been better. You girls are in some hot water. -You girls are in some hot water. Yes, sir. I know. -We're both fine. Good. You wanna tell me what happened? -Good. You wanna tell me what happened? Sure. Maybe over coffee sometime. I'll buy. -Hey. How are things goin' out there? -How are things goin' out there? Weird. Got some kind of snowball effect goin' here or somethin'. -Weird. Got some kind of snowball effect goin' here or somethin'. You're still with us though. You're somewhere on the face of the earth? -You're still with us though. You're somewhere on the face of the earth? Well, we're not in the middle of nowhere, but we can see it from here. -You're gettin' in deeper every moment you're gone. Would you believe me if I told you this whole thing is an accident? -Would you believe me if I told you this whole thing is an accident? I do believe you. That's what I want everybody to believe. Trouble is, it doesn't look like an accident and you're not here to tell me about it... I need you to help me here. -No! You want to come on in? -You know, certain words and phrases just keep floating through my mind, things like incarceration, cavity search, life imprisonment, death by electrocution, that sort of thing. So, come out alive? I don't know. Let us think about that. Louise, I'll do anything. I know what's makin' you run. I know what happened to you in Texas. -All we know is there were two women in a green T-Bird convertible that turned left out of the parking lot, going real fast. We're trying to get a make on the car, but nothin' yet. So far, we got nothin'. Well, you'd best get something. Even if they didn't do it, it times out that they most likely witnessed it. I want somebody to at least talk to 'em. Put out an APB with a description and see what we get back. -Well, you'd best get something. Even if they didn't do it, it times out that they most likely witnessed it. I want somebody to at least talk to 'em. Put out an APB with a description and see what we get back. Alright. -Alright. Is there any reason to believe they've left the state? -Is there any reason to believe they've left the state? That's certainly possible. -That's certainly possible. Why don't we go ahead and let the bureau in on this. -Why don't we go ahead and let the bureau in on this. I have no problem with that. -I have no problem with that. Somebody's butt is gonna bar-b-que. -I swear to God, she wouldn't tell me one thing! Christ! You oughta try to find that kid that was with 'em. Tell us about him. -Tell us about him. Just some young guy. Around twenty years old. Dark hair. -This is serious, son. A man is dead. I know! I'd tell you if I knew! Goddamn! I know something happened, or she wouldn't have left. I'm trying to remember everything! Find that fucking kid. He probably knows something. -Is this the guy you saw them with? It's him. -Armed robber. Oh, great. -What kind of gun was it? A .38. -A .38. Right. Where are they? -We're going to leave someone here at the house in the event that she calls in. Someone will be here until we find them. The important thing is not to let on that you know anything. We want to try and find out where they are. Now I don't want to get too personal, but do you have a good relationship with your wife? Are you close with her? -Good God. My Lord. -Now, for one thing, you violated your parole two days out. And you know Judge Hainey. He hates this sort of thing. Once he gets wind of this, he's gonna blow sky high. And then when he finds out that you're a possible accessory to murder and armed robbery, well, I think we can safely place your ass back in the slammer for at least the remaining eight, don't you? Oh, definitely. -It's just not working like this. We gotta do something. It'd be one thing if these girls were hardened criminals, but Jesus, Hal, this is makin' us look bad. I don't know... maybe they're not movin'. Maybe that little creep lied. He's got nothin' to gain by lyin'. Nothin' at all. He already got all their money. I just don't know what we're dealin' with here. Anyway, it went out again last night on Nationwide Teletype. Let's just wait it out a little longer. She said she was gonna call back. Let's just sit tight. -He's got nothin' to gain by lyin'. Nothin' at all. He already got all their money. I just don't know what we're dealin' with here. Anyway, it went out again last night on Nationwide Teletype. Let's just wait it out a little longer. She said she was gonna call back. Let's just sit tight. We don't have a whole lotta choice, do we? I can't figure out if they're real smart or just really, really lucky. -We don't have a whole lotta choice, do we? I can't figure out if they're real smart or just really, really lucky. It don't matter. Brains will only get you so far and luck always runs out. -Hey! Don't let them shoot those girls. This is too much. They got guns pointed at 'em! The women are armed, Hal. This is standard. Now you stay calm here. These boys know what they're doin'. -I'm sorry to bother you, I know you're real busy right now, but how many times, Max? How many times has that woman gotta be fucked over? You could lift one finger and save her ass and you won't even do that? Get a hold of yourself! You are way out of your jurisdiction, now come on! Calm down! Don't make me sorry I let you come! -Your name's Harlan? I got an uncle named Harlan! You do? Is he a funny uncle? 'Cause if he is, then he and I got somethin' in common. -Oh shit. What's wrong? -What's wrong? Stop. -Stop. What for? -What for? I'm spinning. -I guess I'm startin' to feel a little better. Yeah, you're startin' to feel pretty good to me, too. -Don't. I'm married. I don't feel good. I've been sick. It's okay. I'm married, too. -You're beautiful. It's okay. I won't hurt you. It's okay. Stop it! Goddamnit, I mean it! Louise is gonna wonder where I am. Let go! -Stop it! Goddamnit, I mean it! Louise is gonna wonder where I am. Let go! Louise is alright. -Don't hurt me. Harlan. Please. Shut up. -So J.D., what are you studying in school? Human nature. I'm majoring in behavioral science. -So how come you don't have any kids? Darryl, that's my husband, he says he's not ready. He's still too much of a kid himself. He prides himself on being infantile. -Did you get married real young? Twenty-four isn't young. I'd already been goin' out with him ten years when we got married. I've never been with anybody but Darryl. -Twenty-four isn't young. I'd already been goin' out with him ten years when we got married. I've never been with anybody but Darryl. Well, if you don't mind me sayin' so, he sounds like a real asshole. -Well, if you don't mind me sayin' so, he sounds like a real asshole. It's okay. He is an asshole. Most of the time I just let it slide. -This is J.D. He's a student. We're just givin' him a ride to... to here. Louise said we could bring him here and then he'd have to go. And that's what he's doin'. He's goin'. Aren't you, J.D.? Yup. Thanks for the ride. You all take care. -Louise, is that you? Thelma? It's me. -Well, I guess I'd better... Wait...! Um, where ya going? -Wait...! Um, where ya going? I don't know. Nowhere. What are you doin'? -I don't know. Nowhere. What are you doin'? I don't know. Nothin'. Took a shower. -I don't know. Nothin'. Took a shower. That sounds nice. -That sounds nice. Well, you wanna use the shower? -Oh. I... where's Louise? She's off with Jimmy, that's her boyfriend. -She's off with Jimmy, that's her boyfriend. That's lonely for you, I guess. I always think of motel rooms as lonely. -I am the great and powerful Oz... J.D.! Just tell me. I know you're not some schoolboy. Now come on, nobody ever tells me shit. -J.D.! Just tell me. I know you're not some schoolboy. Now come on, nobody ever tells me shit. I'm just some guy. A guy whose parole officer is probably having a shit fit right about now. -What?! Parole officer? You mean you're a criminal? Well, not anymore, Thelma, except for bustin' parole, I haven't done one wrong thing. -Well, not anymore, Thelma, except for bustin' parole, I haven't done one wrong thing. What did ya do? -What did ya do? I'm a robber. -I'm a robber. You're a bank robber? -You're a bank robber? Nope. I've never robbed a bank. -Nope. I've never robbed a bank. What? -What? Well, I robbed a gas station once, and I robbed a couple of liquor stores, and some convenience stores. And that's it. -Well, I robbed a gas station once, and I robbed a couple of liquor stores, and some convenience stores. And that's it. How? -How? Well, I was just down on my luck and it seemed like somethin' I was good at so I... -Well, I was just down on my luck and it seemed like somethin' I was good at so I... No, I mean how would you do it? Do you just sneak in real fast or hide out till the store closes or what? -No, I mean how would you do it? Do you just sneak in real fast or hide out till the store closes or what? Naw, honey, that would be burglary. I never got arrested for burglary. Burglary's for chicken shits. If you're gonna rob someone, ya just have to go right on up to 'em and do it. Just take the money. That's robbery. That's a whole 'nother deal. -Naw, honey, that would be burglary. I never got arrested for burglary. Burglary's for chicken shits. If you're gonna rob someone, ya just have to go right on up to 'em and do it. Just take the money. That's robbery. That's a whole 'nother deal. Tell me. -Tell me. Well, first you pick your place, see, then I'd just sit back and watch it for awhile. Ya gotta wait for just the right moment, which is something you know instinctively, that can't be taught. Then I'd waltz on in... -I've always believed if done right, armed robbery doesn't have to be a totally unpleasant experience. God. You're a real live outlaw! -God. You're a real live outlaw! I may be the outlaw, but you're the one stealin' my heart. -I may be the outlaw, but you're the one stealin' my heart. And smooth, boy, you are smooth. -You're kinda the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. You're a little angle, you are. -Jimmy! Hello, stranger. What in the world are you doin' here? Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. -Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. Good answer. Same goes double for me. -Good answer. Same goes double for me. Who's your friend? -Well, come on, gal, I got you a room. You can go on in and take a nice cold shower. Don't mind me, Jimmy, I'm just a wild woman. -Don't mind me, Jimmy, I'm just a wild woman. I always knew that. -I always knew that. A regular outlaw. -Louise! Where are you? Are you alright? Honey... Hi. I'm okay. How are you? Long time no see. -Hi. I'm okay. How are you? Long time no see. Louise, honey... Where are you? You sound funny. -I am funny. I'm real funny. Are you in town? This sounds long distance. -Are you in town? This sounds long distance. No, I'm out of town. I'm in... I'm in real deep shit, Jimmy. Deep shit Arkansas. -No, I'm out of town. I'm in... I'm in real deep shit, Jimmy. Deep shit Arkansas. Louise, just tell me what the hell is going on here! I come back, nobody knows where you are. Is Thelma with you? Darryl's been callin' here every half-hour sayin' he's gonna kill you both when you get back, he's goin' nuts. I don't envy her if she is. -Where'd y'all go? Fishing. Look, Jimmy... I need you to help me. This is serious. I'm in trouble and I need you to help me. Can you do that? -I have a savings account with about sixty-seven hundred dollars in it. Now I know you won't be able to get it out, but I'm good for it. I need that money. Can you wire me the sixty-seven hundred dollars and I'll pay you back? Please, I'm desperate. What the fuck is going on? -What the fuck is going on? Something real bad has happened and I can't tell you what, just that it's bad and I did it and I can't undo it. Can you help me? -Something real bad has happened and I can't tell you what, just that it's bad and I did it and I can't undo it. Can you help me? Of course. Of course! Where? Can't I bring it to you? For God's sake, baby, please, just tell me what's happened, what could possibly be so bad? -Do you love me? Christ, sure... yes! -Christ, sure... yes! Wire it to the Western Union in Oklahoma City, -You're in Oklahoma?! Not yet. -Not yet. Louise, let me call you back after I wire it, so you'll know which office to go to. -Louise, let me call you back after I wire it, so you'll know which office to go to. Can't it go to any office? -Can't it go to any office? No, for that much money I have to tell them exactly which office. I know, I've had to have money wired to me on the road. And there has to be a code word or they won't give it to you. I'll have to tell you the code. -Tell me now. Call me back. -Call me back. Okay. I'll call you back. In an hour. Don't tell Darryl. -Okay. I'll call you back. In an hour. Don't tell Darryl. I know. Call me back. Louise, I love you, okay? -I know. Call me back. Louise, I love you, okay? Okay. -Is that how you answer the phone? I got it. I was afraid I'd missed you. I almost couldn't get a check cashed. It's Saturday. -I got it. I was afraid I'd missed you. I almost couldn't get a check cashed. It's Saturday. Who did it? -Who did it? Friend of mine, owns a club. Dickie Randall. You'd know him if you saw him. His brother was in your class. Terry. -Friend of mine, owns a club. Dickie Randall. You'd know him if you saw him. His brother was in your class. Terry. You didn't say what it was for, did you? -You didn't say what it was for, did you? No, honey. I told him I was buyin' a car. What is it for? -No, honey. I told him I was buyin' a car. What is it for? Good. That was good. Where do I go? -Good. That was good. Where do I go? It's a place called Shaw's Siesta Motel. The address is 1921 North East 23. It's under your name. -It's a place called Shaw's Siesta Motel. The address is 1921 North East 23. It's under your name. And what's the mysterious code word? -And what's the mysterious code word? Peaches. -Peaches. What? -What? That's the code word. I miss you, peaches. -Hey, peaches. Oh my God! Jimmy! You... Oh my God! What are you doin' here? -Oh my God! Jimmy! You... Oh my God! What are you doin' here? Can we get another room? Just put it on my credit card. -Hello... Who is it? -Who is it? It's me. -Now, my little coconut, what seems to be the trouble here? Tell Daddy everything. Jimmy, my daddy's still alive and it kind of gives me the creeps when you do that... -Jimmy, my daddy's still alive and it kind of gives me the creeps when you do that... Okay, okay, just tell me what's the trouble. -Okay, peaches, okay. But can I ask you one thing? Maybe. -Maybe. Does it have something to do with another guy? Are you in love with him? -Does it have something to do with another guy? Are you in love with him? It's nothin' like that. -It's nothin' like that. Then what?! What, goddamnit, Louise! Where the fuck are you going? Are you just leaving for fucking ever? What, did you fuckin' murder somebody or what?! -Stop it! Stop it, Jimmy, or I'll leave right now. I'm not kiddin'! Alright, alright. I'm sorry. -Can I just ask you one other thing? Maybe. -Will you at least see how it fits? Jimmy... it's beautiful! -Jimmy... it's beautiful! You didn't see that one comin', did ya? -So whaddya think. I mean... I could... uh... get a job. Of some kind. I mean you've been tellin' me that for years, right? Why now, Jimmy? -Why now, Jimmy? 'Cause, Louise. I don't want to lose you. And for some reason I get the feelin' you're about to split. Permanently. -I'm the one... I never made it work. I just... It's not that I don't love you. It's not that. I just never thought I'd be thirty-six years old and I never thought... I don't know what I thought. What do you want, darlin'. What do you want me to do. I don't know. It doesn't even matter anymore. I just want you to be happy... It's not that I don't love you either. But Jimmy, your timing couldn't be worse. -Are you just doin' this to punish me? Believe me, the last thing I want is for you to get punished. -Don't worry darlin'. I'll say I never found you. I'll say anything you want. We'll find a way to get you out of this, whatever it is. Damn, Jimmy, did you take a pill that makes you say all the right stuff? -Damn, Jimmy, did you take a pill that makes you say all the right stuff? I'm choking on it. -Hello, Officer. Is there a problem? You wanna let me see your license, please? -You wanna take it out of your wallet, please? Oh yeah. -Is this your car? Yes. -Yes. You wanna come with me, please? Walk around and get in the car, please. -You wanna come with me, please? Walk around and get in the car, please. In the back? -In the back? Front. -Front. Am I in trouble? -Am I in trouble? As far as I'm concerned, yes, ma'am, you are. -Well, wait now. I still have to ask Darryl if I can go. You mean you haven't asked him yet? For Christ sake, Thelma, is he your husband or your father? It's just two days. For God's sake, Thelma. Don't be a child. Just tell him you're goin' with me, for cryin' out loud. Tell him I'm havin' a nervous breakdown. -He already thinks you're out of your mind, Louise, that don't carry much weight with Darryl. Are you at work? No, I'm callin' from the Playboy Mansion. -No, I'm callin' from the Playboy Mansion. I'll call you right back. -Not this weekend, sweetie, she's runnin' away with me. Hi. What'd he say? What time are you gonna pick me up? -What time are you gonna pick me up? You're kiddin'! Alright! I'll be there around two or three. -You're kiddin'! Alright! I'll be there around two or three. What kind of stuff do I bring? -What kind of stuff do I bring? I don't know. Warm stuff, I guess. It's the mountains. I guess it gets cold at night. I'm just gonna bring everything. -I don't know. Warm stuff, I guess. It's the mountains. I guess it gets cold at night. I'm just gonna bring everything. Okay. I will, too. -Okay. I will, too. And steal Darryl's fishin' stuff. -And steal Darryl's fishin' stuff. I don't know how to fish, Louise. -I don't know how to fish, Louise. Neither do I, Thelma, but Darryl does it, how hard can it be? I'll see you later. Be ready. -We don't need the lantern. The place has electricity. I wanna take it anyway. Just in case. -I wanna take it anyway. Just in case. In case of what? -In case of what? In case there's some escaped psycho killer on the loose, who cuts the electricity off and tries to come in and kill us. -In case there's some escaped psycho killer on the loose, who cuts the electricity off and tries to come in and kill us. Oh yeah, sure, Thelma, that lantern will come in real handy. Maybe we could tow your car behind, in case he steals the spark plugs. -Oh yeah, sure, Thelma, that lantern will come in real handy. Maybe we could tow your car behind, in case he steals the spark plugs. We'd have to. That thing barely makes it down the driveway. -Whose place is this again? It's Bob's, the day manager's. He's gettin' a divorce, so his wife's gettin' this place, so he's just lettin' all his friends use it till he has to turn over the keys. -It's Bob's, the day manager's. He's gettin' a divorce, so his wife's gettin' this place, so he's just lettin' all his friends use it till he has to turn over the keys. I've never had the chance to go out of town without Darryl. -I've never had the chance to go out of town without Darryl. How come he let you go? -How come he let you go? 'Cause I didn't ask him. -'Cause I didn't ask him. Aw, shit, Thelma, he's gonna kill you. -Aw, shit, Thelma, he's gonna kill you. Well, he has never let me go. He never lets me do one goddamn thing that's any fun. All he wants me to do is hang around the house the whole time while he's out doing God only knows what. -How much longer is it gonna be? I'm hungry. Another hour of so. We've got enough food for a month. -Another hour of so. We've got enough food for a month. I'll never make it... Can't we stop just for a few minutes... -I'll never make it... Can't we stop just for a few minutes... We've not gonna get to the cabin till after dark as it is, Thelma. -We've not gonna get to the cabin till after dark as it is, Thelma. Then what difference does it make if we stop? Come on. I never get to do stuff like this. -I haven't seen a place like this since I left Texas. Isn't this fun? -Thelma! Tell me somethin'. Is this my vacation or isn't it? I mean, God, you're as bad as Darryl. -Tell me somethin'. Is this my vacation or isn't it? I mean, God, you're as bad as Darryl. I just haven't seen you like this in a while. I'm used to seeing you more sedate. -I just haven't seen you like this in a while. I'm used to seeing you more sedate. Well, I've had it up to my ass with sedate! You said you and me was gonna get outta town and, for once, just really let our hair down. Well, darlin,' look out 'cause my hair is comin' down! -Alright... I changed my mind. I'll have a margarita with and a shot of Cuervo on the side, please. Yeah! -Jeez, Louise, that wasn't very nice. Can't you tell when somebody's hittin' on you? -Can't you tell when somebody's hittin' on you? So what if he was? It's all your years of waitin' tables has made you jaded, that's all. -So what if he was? It's all your years of waitin' tables has made you jaded, that's all. Maybe. -Maybe. Well, just relax, will ya. You're makin' me nervous. -So, Jimmy still hasn't called yet? Givin' him a taste of his own medicine. Asshole. -Givin' him a taste of his own medicine. Asshole. I'm sorry, Louise. I know you're all upset. It's just I'm so excited to be out of the house, I guess. I wonder if Darryl's home yet. -I'm sorry, Louise. I know you're all upset. It's just I'm so excited to be out of the house, I guess. I wonder if Darryl's home yet. I wonder if Jimmy's gotten back. -I wonder if Jimmy's gotten back. Why don't you tell him to just to get lost once and for all? -Why don't you tell him to just to get lost once and for all? Why don't you ditch that loser husband of yours? -Exactly. In the meantime, you said we were gonna have some fun. So let's have some! -Thelma, I'm gonna hit the little girls' room, and then we gotta hit the road. Ready when you are. -Oh my God. Get the car. -Get the car. Jesus Christ! Louise, you shot him. -Jesus Christ! Louise, you shot him. Get the car! -Shit! I... I, which way? West. Left. -Louise. Where are we going? I don't know, Thelma! I don't know! Just shut up a minute so I can think. -Shouldn't we go to the cops? I mean, I think we should tell the police. Tell them what?! What, Thelma? What do you think we should tell them? -Tell them what?! What, Thelma? What do you think we should tell them? I don't know. Just tell 'em what happened. -I don't know. Just tell 'em what happened. Which part? -Which part? All of it. That he tried to rape me. -All of it. That he tried to rape me. Only about a hundred people saw you cheek to goddamn cheek with him all night, Thelma! Who's gonna believe that?! We just don't live in that kind of world. Pull over! -We gotta be inconspicuous. Do you know what that means? Yes. -Yes. It means you don't talk to anybody. You don't draw attention to yourself in any way. Do you understand that? -We have to think this through. We have to be smart. Now is not the time to panic. If we panic now, we're done for. Nobody saw it. Nobody knows it was us. We're still okay. Now all we have to do is just figure out our next move. Our next move? I'll say one thing, Louise. This is some vacation. I sure am having a good time. This is real fun. -Our next move? I'll say one thing, Louise. This is some vacation. I sure am having a good time. This is real fun. If you weren't so concerned with having a good time, we wouldn't be here right now. -If you weren't so concerned with having a good time, we wouldn't be here right now. Just what is that supposed to mean? -Just what is that supposed to mean? It means shut up, Thelma. -It means shut up, Thelma. So this is all my fault, is it. -We're gonna go to the next town and stop. We'll get a motel room. I can rest for a while and then figure out how to get some money. We're gonna need money. Thelma. How much money do you have with you? What? Oh, I don't know. Let me look. -I'm cash poor. Hmmm. We gotta get some money. -Oh, I don't know. I'm just nervous. I gotta figure out what to do. Well, when you figure it out, wake me up. -Well, when you figure it out, wake me up. Just what the hell is wrong with you? -What do you mean? Why are you actin' like this? -Why are you actin' like this? Actin' like what?! How am I supposed to act? 'Scuse me for not knowing what to do after you blow somebody's head off! -You could help me try and figure it out! I gotta figure out what to do, and you could try and help me. I suggested we go to the police, but you didn't like that; so, frankly, Louise, I'm all out of ideas. -I suggested we go to the police, but you didn't like that; so, frankly, Louise, I'm all out of ideas. Well, what's the big rush, Thelma? If we just give 'em some time, they'll come to us...! Oh Christ. I'm just not ready to go to jail yet. Why don't you go out to the pool or something and I'll figure it out... -Well, what's the big rush, Thelma? If we just give 'em some time, they'll come to us...! Oh Christ. I'm just not ready to go to jail yet. Why don't you go out to the pool or something and I'll figure it out... Give me the keys. -Give me the keys. You're not touchin' that car. -You're not touchin' that car. My stuff's in the trunk! God! You care more about that car than you do about most people. -My stuff's in the trunk! God! You care more about that car than you do about most people. Most people just cause me trouble, but that car always gets me out of it. -Did you finish thinking? I think better when I drive. -Don't get mad, Louise, but where are we going? Oklahoma City. Jimmy's gonna wire me some money, and then... -Oklahoma City. Jimmy's gonna wire me some money, and then... You talked to him?! Is he mad? Did you tell him? -You talked to him?! Is he mad? Did you tell him? No, I didn't tell him. And that's something we gotta get straight. Darryl's been callin', mad as a hornet, makin' all kinds of noise. When you talk to him, you cannot say anything about this. You gotta make sure everything sounds normal. -No, I didn't tell him. And that's something we gotta get straight. Darryl's been callin', mad as a hornet, makin' all kinds of noise. When you talk to him, you cannot say anything about this. You gotta make sure everything sounds normal. I called the asshole at 4:00 in the morning and he wasn't even home. I don't know what he's got to be mad about. I'm the one who should be mad. -I called the asshole at 4:00 in the morning and he wasn't even home. I don't know what he's got to be mad about. I'm the one who should be mad. I've been tellin' you that for the last ten years. -I've been tellin' you that for the last ten years. Do you think Darryl's having an affair? -Do you think Darryl's having an affair? I don't think Darryl is mature enough to conduct an affair. -I don't think Darryl is mature enough to conduct an affair. But you think he fools around. -But you think he fools around. Thelma, I'm going to Mexico. I think I can make it in two and a half days, but I'm going to have to haul ass. Are you up to this? I mean, I have to know. This isn't a game. I'm in deep shit. I gotta know what you're gonna do. -Thelma, I'm going to Mexico. I think I can make it in two and a half days, but I'm going to have to haul ass. Are you up to this? I mean, I have to know. This isn't a game. I'm in deep shit. I gotta know what you're gonna do. I... I don't know. I don't know what you're askin' me. -I... I don't know. I don't know what you're askin' me. Don't you fall apart on me. Goddamnit, Thelma. Every time we get in trouble, you go blank or plead insanity or some such shit, and this time... Not this time. Everything's changed now... Now you can do whatever you want, but I'm going to Mexico. I'm going. Are you coming with me? -Call him? Call him. Don't tell him anything. Tell him you're having a wonderful time and you'll be home tomorrow night. -Call him. Don't tell him anything. Tell him you're having a wonderful time and you'll be home tomorrow night. Will I be? -Will I be? I don't know. I won't be. -Louise, this young man is on his way back to school and needs a ride, and I thought since... It's probably not a good idea. -It's probably not a good idea. Louise. -I wish we could've brought him with us. What did Darryl say? -What did Darryl say? "He said ""Okay, Thelma. I just wanted to know you were alright. I hope you're havin' a good time. You sure deserve one after puttin' up with me all the time. I love you, honey.""" -I just don't see what it would hurt just to give somebody a ride. Did you see his butt? Darryl doesn't have a cute butt. You could park a car in the shadow of his ass. I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood for company right now. Here. Take this map. I need you to find all the secondary roads to Mexico from Oklahoma City. I think we should stay off the interstates. We're too conspicuous. -I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood for company right now. Here. Take this map. I need you to find all the secondary roads to Mexico from Oklahoma City. I think we should stay off the interstates. We're too conspicuous. Well, it looks like we can get on this road 81 that heads down towards Dallas, then cut over to... -Well, it looks like we can get on this road 81 that heads down towards Dallas, then cut over to... I don't want to go that way. Find a way that we don't have to go through Texas. -I don't want to go that way. Find a way that we don't have to go through Texas. Wait. What? You want to go to Mexico from Oklahoma and you don't want to go through Texas? -Wait. What? You want to go to Mexico from Oklahoma and you don't want to go through Texas? You know how I feel about Texas... We're not going that way. -You know how I feel about Texas... We're not going that way. I know, Louise, but we're running for our lives! Don't you think you could make an exception just this once?! I mean, look at the map. The only thing between Oklahoma and Mexico is Texas! -I know, Louise, but we're running for our lives! Don't you think you could make an exception just this once?! I mean, look at the map. The only thing between Oklahoma and Mexico is Texas! Thelma! I'm not gonna talk about this! Now find another way or give me the goddamn map and I will! You understand? -Thelma! I'm not gonna talk about this! Now find another way or give me the goddamn map and I will! You understand? No, Louise. How come you never said what happened? -He's got a lot to be proud of. Louise and Darryl don't get along. -Louise and Darryl don't get along. That's puttin' it mildly. -That's puttin' it mildly. She thinks he's a pig. -She thinks he's a pig. He's a real piece o' work. I wish you could meet him. -Yup. That's him goin'. I love to watch him go. Thelma kinda took to him. -I don't care what you say about him. The boy has got it bad. He's always got it bad as long as I'm running in the other direction. Don't be fooled, he's no different than any other guy. He knows how to chase and that's it. Once he's caught you, he don't know what to do. So he runs away. -He's always got it bad as long as I'm running in the other direction. Don't be fooled, he's no different than any other guy. He knows how to chase and that's it. Once he's caught you, he don't know what to do. So he runs away. I heard that. -So what are you gonna tell him? Nothing. I'm not gonna tell him a thing. The least I can do is not make him an accessory any more than he already is. -Nothing. I'm not gonna tell him a thing. The least I can do is not make him an accessory any more than he already is. You are so sweet to that guy, you really are. Imagine not wanting to drag him into this. He is a lucky man. -I didn't ask him to come! It's like I said, Thelma, he just loves the chase. Well boy, he's got his work cut out for him now, don't he? -Well boy, he's got his work cut out for him now, don't he? Put a lid on it, Thelma! It's hard enough as it is. Just let me get this part over with. Now stay here and guard the money. If there's any problem I'm in room 115. -Put a lid on it, Thelma! It's hard enough as it is. Just let me get this part over with. Now stay here and guard the money. If there's any problem I'm in room 115. I won't wait up. -How do I look? You're a vision, Louise, a goddamn vision of loveliness, you always are. -You're a vision, Louise, a goddamn vision of loveliness, you always are. Have another drink, Thelma. -What happened to your hair? Nothing. It got messed up. -What's wrong with you? Nothing. Why? Do I seem different? -Nothing. Why? Do I seem different? Yes, now that you mention it. You seem crazy. Like you're on drugs. -Yes, now that you mention it. You seem crazy. Like you're on drugs. Well, I'm not on drugs. But I might be crazy. -Well, I'm not on drugs. But I might be crazy. I don't think I wanna hear what you're gonna tell me. -Oh, Thelma. Oh, no. I mean I finally understand what all the fuss is about. This is just a whole 'nother ball game! -I mean I finally understand what all the fuss is about. This is just a whole 'nother ball game! Thelma, please get a hold of yourself. You're making a spectacle. -Thelma, please get a hold of yourself. You're making a spectacle. You know, Louise, you're supposed to be my best friend. You could at least be a little bit happy for me. You could at least pretend to be slightly happy that for once in my life I have a sexual experience that isn't completely disgusting. -You know, Louise, you're supposed to be my best friend. You could at least be a little bit happy for me. You could at least pretend to be slightly happy that for once in my life I have a sexual experience that isn't completely disgusting. I'm sorry. I am happy. I'm very happy for you. I'm glad you had a good time. It's about time. Where is he now? -I'm sorry. I am happy. I'm very happy for you. I'm glad you had a good time. It's about time. Where is he now? Taking a shower. -Taking a shower. You left that guy alone in the room? -Eighty-eight dollars ain't gonna make a dent, baby girl. Don't worry about it. You want anything? -Don't worry about it. You want anything? No. -Drive! Drive away! What happened? -I'm sorry. Well, we need the money. Now we have it. Oh shit, Thelma!! Shit! Shit! Shit! -Oh shit, Thelma!! Shit! Shit! Shit! Now you get a grip, Louise! Just drive us to Goddamn Mexico, will ya! -Now you get a grip, Louise! Just drive us to Goddamn Mexico, will ya! Okay. Shit, Thelma! What'd you do? I mean, what did you say? -Okay. Shit, Thelma! What'd you do? I mean, what did you say? Well, I just... -Holy shit. Lemme see the map. -For the first time in my life, I wish this car wasn't green. Are you sure we should be driving like this? In broad daylight and everything? -Are you sure we should be driving like this? In broad daylight and everything? No we shouldn't, but I want to put some distance between us and the scene of our last Goddamn crime! -No we shouldn't, but I want to put some distance between us and the scene of our last Goddamn crime! Oooooweee!! You shoulda seen me! Like I'd been doin' it all my life! Nobody would ever believe it. -Oooooweee!! You shoulda seen me! Like I'd been doin' it all my life! Nobody would ever believe it. You think you've found your calling? -You think you've found your calling? Maybe. Maybe. The call of the wild! -You're disturbed. Yes! I believe I am! -So what's the plan, Thelma? You just gonna stay drunk? Try to. -Try to. Litterbug. -Ugh!! Why do they have to do that? They think we like it. Maybe they think it turns us on. -Thelma. Yeah. -Yeah. I want you to call Darryl. -I want you to call Darryl. What for? -What for? To find out if he knows anything. If you think he does, you gotta hang up because it means the police have told him and the phone is probably tapped. -To find out if he knows anything. If you think he does, you gotta hang up because it means the police have told him and the phone is probably tapped. Jeez, Louise, tapped the phone? You think so? -Jeez, Louise, tapped the phone? You think so? Oh, come on! Murder one and armed robbery, Thelma! -Oh, come on! Murder one and armed robbery, Thelma! Murder one! God, Louise, can't we even say it was self-defense? -Murder one! God, Louise, can't we even say it was self-defense? But it wasn't! We got away! We were walkin' away! -But it wasn't! We got away! We were walkin' away! They don't know that! It was just you and me there. I'll say he raped me and you had to shoot him! I mean, it's almost the truth! -They don't know that! It was just you and me there. I'll say he raped me and you had to shoot him! I mean, it's almost the truth! It won't work. -It won't work. Why not?! -Why not?! No physical evidence. We can't prove he did it. We probably can't even prove he touched you by now. -Besides, what do we say about the robbery? No excuse for that. No such thing as justifiable robbery. Alright, Louise! -Fill her up. There's a phone right over there. Let's get it over with. -That J.D. kid is a little shit. What. -How'd they find out we're going to Mexico, Thelma, how they know that? I... I... -I... I... You told that thievin' little shit where we were goin'?! -I just told him if he ever gets to Mexico to look us up. I asked him not to tell. I didn't think he would tell anybody. Why not?! What's he got to lose? Other than my life's savings, that is. Shit! -Just stop talkin' to people, Thelma! Stop bein' so open! We're fugitives now. Let's behave that way! You're right. -Louise? Where are we? Just past Boise City. -Just past Boise City. Idaho? -Idaho? Oklahoma, Thelma. We're crossing into New Mexico. -Oklahoma, Thelma. We're crossing into New Mexico. I always wanted to see New Mexico. -Now what? Now what what? -Now what what? Whaddo we do? -Whaddo we do? Oh, I don't know, Thelma. I guess maybe we could turn ourselves in and spend our lives trading cigarettes for mascara so we can look nice when our families come to visit us on Saturdays. Maybe we could have children with the prison guards. -Oh, I don't know, Thelma. I guess maybe we could turn ourselves in and spend our lives trading cigarettes for mascara so we can look nice when our families come to visit us on Saturdays. Maybe we could have children with the prison guards. I'm not suggestin' that! I'm not goin' back. No matter what happens. So don't worry about me. -Can I ask you kind of a weird question? Yeah. -Yeah. Of all the things in the world that scare you, what's the worst thing that scares you the most? -Of all the things in the world that scare you, what's the worst thing that scares you the most? You mean now or before? -You mean now or before? Before. -Before. I guess I always thought the worst thing that could happen would be to end up old and alone in some crummy apartment with one of those little dogs. -I guess I always thought the worst thing that could happen would be to end up old and alone in some crummy apartment with one of those little dogs. What little dogs? -What little dogs? You know those little dogs you see people with? -You know those little dogs you see people with? Like a Chihuahua? -Like a Chihuahua? Those, too, but you know those little hairy ones? Those flat-faced little fuckers with those ugly goddamned teeth? -Those, too, but you know those little hairy ones? Those flat-faced little fuckers with those ugly goddamned teeth? Oh yeah. You mean Peek-a-poos. -Oh yeah. You mean Peek-a-poos. Yeah. Those. That always put the fear of God in me. What about you? -Yeah. Those. That always put the fear of God in me. What about you? Well, to be honest, the idea of getting old with Darryl was kinda startin' to get to me. -Well, to be honest, the idea of getting old with Darryl was kinda startin' to get to me. I can see that. -I can see that. I mean, look how different he looks just since high school. It's bad enough I have to get old, but doin' it with Darryl around is only gonna make it worse. I mean, I don't think he's gonna be very nice about it. -I mean, look how different he looks just since high school. It's bad enough I have to get old, but doin' it with Darryl around is only gonna make it worse. I mean, I don't think he's gonna be very nice about it. Well, now, maybe you won't have to. -Well, now, maybe you won't have to. Always lookin' on the bright side, aren't ya? -This is so beautiful. Gosh. It sure is. -Gosh. It sure is. I always wanted to travel. I just never got the opportunity. -I always wanted to travel. I just never got the opportunity. Well, you got it now. -Look! Look who it is, Thelma. I'll be darned. What's he doin' way out here. Just ignore him. -Oh, Christ. I hate this guy. We should have just ignored him. -What? Nothing. It's not funny. -Nothing. It's not funny. What? What's not funny, Thelma! -What?! Harlan. -Harlan. What?! What about him?! -What?! What about him?! Just the look on his face when you... ... it's not funny. -Just the look on his face when you... ... it's not funny. Now, Thelma, that is not... -Boy, he wasn't expectin' that! Thelma! -Thelma! Suck my dick... Boom!! -I don't want to talk about it! Thelma, I'm not kidding! Don't you even... ... in Texas... didn't it? That's what happened... Oh my God. -I'm warning you, Thelma. You better drop it right now! I don't want to talk about it! Okay, Louise... It's okay. -What do we do? What do you want to do?! I don't know! Shit! Let's just play it by ear. He may not know. He may just give me a ticket. -I don't know! Shit! Let's just play it by ear. He may not know. He may just give me a ticket. Please, God, please don't let us get caught. Please, please, please... -I told you to slow down. Hell, Officer, I told her to slow down. About how fast was I going? -I am really sorry about this. I swear, before yesterday, neither one of us would have ever pulled a stunt like this. But if you ever met my husband, you'd know why I just can... You wanna step out of the car, please? You wanna put your hands on your head, please? Louise, shoot the radio. -I swear, before yesterday, neither one of us would have ever pulled a stunt like this. But if you ever met my husband, you'd know why I just can... You wanna step out of the car, please? You wanna put your hands on your head, please? Louise, shoot the radio. What? -What? Shoot the radio! -Sorry! Sorry! -Ready? Hit it. -I know it's crazy, Louise, but I just feel like I've got a knack for this shit. I believe you. -Louise... are we still going to Mexico? Yes. -Well, I figure if you take a state policeman, shoot up his car, take his gun and lock him in the trunk, it's best to just get on out of the state if you can. Just asking. -I don't want to see any more beef jerky. I mean the next beef jerky you hand me is going out the window. It's drivin' me crazy. The whole car smells like it. It's good. It's what the pioneers ate. -It's good. It's what the pioneers ate. I don't care what the damn pioneers ate. You just keep that shit away from me, now I mean it. -And I don't want any more Wild Turkey, either. It's burning a hole in my stomach. Okay, okay... I've got some tequila. You want some tequila? -Okay, okay... I've got some tequila. You want some tequila? You do? -You do? Yeah, you want it? -Yeah, you want it? Yeah. -Shit. I'm gettin' tired. Are you alright? -I think I've really fucked up. I think I've got us in a situation where we could both get killed. Why didn't we just go straight to the police. You know why. You already said. -You know why. You already said. What'd I say again? -What'd I say again? Nobody would believe us. We'd still get in trouble. We'd still have our lives ruined. And you know what else? -Nobody would believe us. We'd still get in trouble. We'd still have our lives ruined. And you know what else? What? -What? That guy was hurtin' me. And if you hadn't come out when you did, he'd a hurt me a lot worse. And probably nothin' woulda happened to him. 'Cause everybody did see me dancin' with him all night. And they woulda made out like I asked for it. And my life woulda been ruined a whole lot worse than it is now. At least now I'm havin' fun. And I'm not sorry the son of a bitch is dead. I'm only sorry that it was you that did it and not me. And if I haven't, I wanna take this time to thank you, Louise. Thank you for savin' my ass. -That guy was hurtin' me. And if you hadn't come out when you did, he'd a hurt me a lot worse. And probably nothin' woulda happened to him. 'Cause everybody did see me dancin' with him all night. And they woulda made out like I asked for it. And my life woulda been ruined a whole lot worse than it is now. At least now I'm havin' fun. And I'm not sorry the son of a bitch is dead. I'm only sorry that it was you that did it and not me. And if I haven't, I wanna take this time to thank you, Louise. Thank you for savin' my ass. I said all that? -I said all that? No, Louise, you said the first part. I said all the rest. -No, Louise, you said the first part. I said all the rest. Whatever. -Louise? Yes, Thelma? -Yes, Thelma? You're not gonna give up on me, are ya? -You're not gonna give up on me, are ya? What do you mean? -What do you mean? You're not gonna make some deal with that guy, are you? I mean, I just wanna know. -You're not gonna make some deal with that guy, are you? I mean, I just wanna know. No, Thelma. I'm not gonna make any deals. -No, Thelma. I'm not gonna make any deals. I can understand if you're thinkin' about it. I mean, in a way, you've got something to go back for. I mean Jimmy and everything. -Thelma, that is not an option. But I don't know... something's crossed over in me and I can't go back. I mean, I just couldn't live... -But I don't know... something's crossed over in me and I can't go back. I mean, I just couldn't live... I know. I know what you mean. I don't wanna end up on the damn Geraldo Show. -He said they're charging us with murder. Eeuww. -Eeuww. And we have to decide whether we want to come out of this dead or alive. -And we have to decide whether we want to come out of this dead or alive. Gosh, didn't he say anything positive at all? -Louise, do you think we should change cars, get another car? Sure... You know how to hotwire a car? -Sure... You know how to hotwire a car? No. -No. Well, let me know when you figure it out. -You awake? You could call it that. My eyes are open. -You could call it that. My eyes are open. Me too. I feel awake. -Me too. I feel awake. Good. -Good. Wide awake. I don't remember ever feelin' this awake. Everything looks different. You know what I mean. I know you know what I mean. Everything looks new. Do you feel like that? Like you've got something to look forward to? -We'll be drinkin' margaritas by the sea, Mamasita. We can change our names. -We can change our names. We can live in a hacienda. -We can live in a hacienda. I wanna get a job. I wanna work at Club Med. -I wanna get a job. I wanna work at Club Med. Yes! Yes! Now what kind of deal do you think that cop can come up with to beat that? -Yes! Yes! Now what kind of deal do you think that cop can come up with to beat that? It'd have to be pretty good. -It'd have to be pretty good. It would have to be pretty damn good. -We should head a little further in. There's not that many roads in this state. I want to try to hit Mexico somewhere not so close to New Mexico. They probably wanna kill us in New Mexico. You're drivin'. -Oh my God! Louise! Look! Look! See if that's him! It's him. He's got California plates. It's the same guy. -It's him. He's got California plates. It's the same guy. Pass him! -I mean really! That business with your tongue. What is that? That's disgusting! And, oh my God, that other thing, that pointing to your lap? What's that supposed to mean exactly? Does that mean pull over, I want to show you what a big fat slob I am or... -And, oh my God, that other thing, that pointing to your lap? What's that supposed to mean exactly? Does that mean pull over, I want to show you what a big fat slob I am or... Does that mean suck my dick? -Hey. Where'd you learn to shoot like that? Texas... You were right about what happened to me there. -You know what's happened, don't you? What? -What? We've gone insane. -We've gone insane. Yup. -I guess we shoulda made some kinda plan for what to do if we get caught. Yeah, right. We're not gonna get caught. -How far are we from Mexico? About two hundred and fifty miles. -About two hundred and fifty miles. How long do you think that'll take? -Shit! Did you see that guy?! He was right in the middle of the road! -Shit! What?! -What?! What?! What d'you think?! -What?! What d'you think?! Oh. -We probably shoulda filled up the car before we blew up that truck. Why? -Why? They'll probably catch us when we have to stop for gas! -They'll probably catch us when we have to stop for gas! I know this whole thing was my fault. I know it is. -I know this whole thing was my fault. I know it is. There's one thing you oughta understand by now, Thelma, it's not your fault. -There's one thing you oughta understand by now, Thelma, it's not your fault. Louise... no matter what happens, I'm glad I came with you. -Louise... no matter what happens, I'm glad I came with you. You're crazy. -You're a good friend. You too, sweetie, the best. -You too, sweetie, the best. I guess I went a little crazy, huh? -I guess I went a little crazy, huh? No... You've always been crazy. This is just the first chance you've had to really express yourself. -No... You've always been crazy. This is just the first chance you've had to really express yourself. I guess everything from here on in is going to be pretty shitty. -I guess everything from here on in is going to be pretty shitty. Unbearable, I'd imagine. -Unbearable, I'd imagine. I guess everything we've got to lose is already gone anyway. -I guess everything we've got to lose is already gone anyway. How do you stay so positive? -Louise! What?! -What?! What in the hell is that up there? -What in the hell is that up there? Where?! -Where?! Way up ahead! -What in the hell is it?! It's the Goddamn Grand Canyon! -Isn't it beautiful?!! It's grand! -God! It looks like the Army! All this for us? -Now what? We're not giving up, Thelma. -We're not giving up, Thelma. Then let's not get caught. -Then let's not get caught. What are you talkin' about? -What are you talkin' about? Go. -Go. Go? -You're a good friend. You, too, sweetie, the best. -We been seein' you all along the way. Yeah. I been seein' you, too. -What? What are you talkin' about? You know good and damn well what I'm talkin' about. -You women are crazy! You got that right. -I'm not apologizing for shit! Say you're sorry. -Say you're sorry. Fuck that. -Are you going to apologize or not? Fuck you. -Hi! Hi there! You alright? -Hi there! You alright? We're fine! How are you? -We're fine! How are you? Grrrreat! -Where you goin'? Fresno. -Oh, Jesus! You probably even called us beavers on your CB radio, didn't you? -You probably even called us beavers on your CB radio, didn't you? Yeah... sure did. -Yeah... sure did. Damn. I hate that! I hate bein' called a beaver, don't you? -Hey, shit-for-brains, be careful not to scratch that thing, huh? What? -What? You heard me. You already put a fucking nick in my piano. -You heard me. You already put a fucking nick in my piano. I'll try to be more careful. -I'll try to be more careful. S'matter with you? You look like you're fading. -S'matter with you? You look like you're fading. The thing's kind of heavy. -The thing's kind of heavy. Heavy? Heavy?! What I wouldn't give to know what heavy feels like, you insensitive prick. -Heavy? Heavy?! What I wouldn't give to know what heavy feels like, you insensitive prick. No, I just meant... -No, I just meant... Yeah yeah. I'm going to the corner to get a cup of coffee. -Isn't that just my luck -- I get caught for everything. So you admit it? -So you admit it? Guilty as charged. I'm not gonna play games with you. I could give you a song and dance but what's the point? I did it and we all know it. The hitcher himself told me it's illegal. The irony... -Well, uh, can you tell us his name? Jeez, I didn't catch it. -This wasn't your first time, was it, Ted? How many we talking? Hitchhikers? I don't know -- fifty... a hundred maybe -- Who keeps track? -No harm, no foul? I guess. -Did you get my letter, Mare? The one about Ted? You sent that? -You sent that? Uh-huh. I was worried about you. -Uh-huh. I was worried about you. Well... thank you. But... you know you're not supposed to be within four hundred yards of me. -Well... thank you. But... you know you're not supposed to be within four hundred yards of me. That's what I want to tell ya. I've been through two years of extensive psychotherapy and you know what? You were right -- I needed help. -That's what I want to tell ya. I've been through two years of extensive psychotherapy and you know what? You were right -- I needed help. That's great, Woogie, I'm happy you're better -- you seem... good --but... you put me through quite an ordeal, you know. -Look at me, Mary. On my mother's soul, on God above, on everything that is holy to me, I did not steal your shoes. Woogie, I caught you red-handed. -Woogie, I caught you red-handed. All right, I did, but I was in a weird place then. -I'm asking you to leave. Oh, Mary, honey, you're taking this all wrong. I'm not leaving... -Oh, Mary, honey, you're taking this all wrong. I'm not leaving... ...Not until I get a little something to remember you by. -...Not until I get a little something to remember you by. Stop that! No! Somebody help me!!!!! -Stop it! Just one pair! You owe me that much, you heartless bitch! -Gay? He said you were gay? He implied it. -He implied it. Well you're a writer, and a lot of writers are gay. Look at Truman Capote. -Well you're a writer, and a lot of writers are gay. Look at Truman Capote. Yeah, but he was successful. -Yeah, but he was successful. Let me ask you this: When you smoke a cigar, do you ever pretend it has balls? -Come on, that wouldn't make me gay. I'm going to fix you up with my new assistant. -I'm going to fix you up with my new assistant. What's he like? -You're leaving it out. Finish your swing. You're going to like this one -- she's half Asian, half American. Good-looking? -Good-looking? I just told you, she's half Asian. half American. They're all good looking. You could mate Don Rickles and Yoko Ono and they're going to have a gorgeous kid. It's a foolproof combo. -What's the point? Let's face it, Dom, I'm in a slump. Lately I've been feeling like... well... like a loser. Loser? You? -Give me a break. Remember five years ago, when your kidneys failed? If you were a loser would they have been able to find a donor with an exact tissue match? What are the odds of that, one in a million? Oh, so I'm lucky because my brother got killed in an explosion? -Oh, so I'm lucky because my brother got killed in an explosion? I never said that. I'm saying your lucky those kids found his kidneys. Besides, your brother Jimmy never gave a shit about you. -It must be great with a wife like that. Each day is better than the next. Have you ever been, you know... in love with someone? -Each day is better than the next. Have you ever been, you know... in love with someone? Nah. -Nah. Never? -Never? Well once. Mary. -Mary again. Look, I admit it was brief, but it was definitely love. Crushes don't last twelve years. -Look, I admit it was brief, but it was definitely love. Crushes don't last twelve years. Whatever happened to Mary? -Whatever happened to Mary? I told you, her family moved to Miami. -I told you, her family moved to Miami. I mean since then. -I mean since then. I don't know. -I don't know. Well why don't you look her up? -Well why don't you look her up? Yeah, right. -Yeah, right. Why not? -Why not? Because I guarantee she's married and has a couple kids. Girls like Mary don't stay single. -Because I guarantee she's married and has a couple kids. Girls like Mary don't stay single. What if you're wrong? You just said she's the only girl you ever loved, what have you got to lose by calling her? -What if you're wrong? You just said she's the only girl you ever loved, what have you got to lose by calling her? I did try calling her. A few years ago. She wasn't listed. -I did try calling her. A few years ago. She wasn't listed. So that was it? One bump in the road and you gave up? -So that was it? One bump in the road and you gave up? I also called Unsolved Mysteries. -I also called Unsolved Mysteries. You're kidding? What did they say? -You're kidding? What did they say? They told me they don't help out stalkers. Look, maybe they're right, it's been a long time. -They told me they don't help out stalkers. Look, maybe they're right, it's been a long time. I got it -- you hire a private eye, fly him out there, he follows her around a couple days, she'll never know a thing. -I don't know about this, Dom. Relax, this guy owes me a big one. A couple years ago he got in a jam up in the Boston office; some bullshit about padding his resume -- like we haven't all done that. Anyway, they were going to let him go but his mother wrote a tear-jerker letter that ended up on my desk. -Relax, this guy owes me a big one. A couple years ago he got in a jam up in the Boston office; some bullshit about padding his resume -- like we haven't all done that. Anyway, they were going to let him go but his mother wrote a tear-jerker letter that ended up on my desk. His mother? -His mother? Yeah, I guess he still lives with her. Seemed like a sweet lady -- got diabetes or something -- so I went out on a limb and got him transferred down to Providence. -Yeah, I guess he still lives with her. Seemed like a sweet lady -- got diabetes or something -- so I went out on a limb and got him transferred down to Providence. And you think he could find out her number for me? -And you think he could find out her number for me? He'll do better than that. I'll send him down to Miami on business, you throw him a couple bucks on the side, and he'll track her down. -That's it, I'm making an oath. I'll never procrastinate about anything again. Life is too fucking short. Hey, look on the bright side -- -Hey, look on the bright side -- What's that, Dom? What's the bright side? -What's that, Dom? What's the bright side? Well... at least now you know. -Well... at least now you know. I think it was better when I didn't. It was kind of inspiring to know there was someone so pure in the world. -What's so funny? I'm sorry, it's just that you're taking this all wrong, pal. Don't you see? You're liberated. I feel liberated. I mean here you've been in therapy thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you! -Wait a second, I never told you that. Christ, Ted, I was only four towns away. -Maybe you're right. I should look on the bright side. I mean, I've still got my health... I'm out of here. I've got to get up at six a.m. to move my boss's brother into his apartment. What? On your day off? Do you even know the guy? -What? On your day off? Do you even know the guy? Never met him. -Never met him. Jesus, Ted, you've got to finish that damn novel so you can quit that stupid magazine. -Jesus, Ted, you've got to finish that damn novel so you can quit that stupid magazine. Amen to that. -Mary's a babe! What? -What? My Mary -- she's not in Japan, she's single, and she's got no rugrats. She does have a little gambling problem, she plays the football cards a bit too much, but she's a babe, a surgeon babe! -My Mary -- she's not in Japan, she's single, and she's got no rugrats. She does have a little gambling problem, she plays the football cards a bit too much, but she's a babe, a surgeon babe! Huh? But why did Healy? -Huh? But why did Healy? Well think about it. -No You mean...? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. The lazy fuck just didn't bother to look her up. -The lazy fuck just didn't bother to look her up. That sneaky prick was probably practicing his jai alai. -Well then you've got to call her, man. Fuck calling her. I'm going down there. -You are one lucky sonofabitch, you know that? I am? -I am? Didn't they tell you? That hitcher was just about to cut your throat when you stopped to take a leak. You got a fucking horseshoe up your ass, man. -Didn't they tell you? That hitcher was just about to cut your throat when you stopped to take a leak. You got a fucking horseshoe up your ass, man. Yeah feels like it. -How the hell did you get here anyway? Flew. Told my wife I was going to a Promise Keepers convention. -Shoot. Remember our friend Healy? Well, I didn't know where to mail his last paycheck so I sent my assistant by his mother's apartment. Turns out there is no diabetic mom. Landlord said she's been dead for ten years. -Remember our friend Healy? Well, I didn't know where to mail his last paycheck so I sent my assistant by his mother's apartment. Turns out there is no diabetic mom. Landlord said she's been dead for ten years. And this adversely affects me how...? -And this adversely affects me how...? Don't you see? -- Healy lied to us about everything! The landlord said when he got back from Miami he kept talking about falling for some doctor named Mary! -Fuck me. Let's go home. No! You've gone through way too much to back down now. Get over there and do something -- I can't stand watching this. -Well? What are you waiting for? I don't know what to say. -I don't know what to say. Tell her the truth about Healy! Blow the schmuck out of the water. -Tell her the truth about Healy! Blow the schmuck out of the water. Are you crazy? I've unleashed a psycho on her. She's gonna be fucking pissed. She's even more beautiful than I remember. -Oh God, I'm fucking nervous. I don't know if I'm ready for this, man. Just relax. Have you hit the cash machine? -Just relax. Have you hit the cash machine? Got cash. -Got cash. Car clean? Plenty of gas? -Car clean? Plenty of gas? Check. -Check. Mints? -Mints? Copped a tin of Altoids at the car wash. -Okay, sounds like you're all set. Just clean the pipes and it's a go. Hm? -Hm? You know, clean the pipes. -You know, clean the pipes. Pipes? What are you talking about? -Pipes? What are you talking about? You jerk off before all big dates, right? Tell me you jerk off before your big dates. -Think about it: After you've had sex with a girl and the two of you are laying in bed, are you nervous? No. -Why's that? I'm usually too tired to be. -Wrong. It's because you ain't got the baby batter in your brain any more. That'll fuck with your head, that stuff will. Huh. -Huh. The most honest moment in a man's life is the five minutes after he's blown a load. That's a medical fact. And it's because you're no longer trying to get laid. You're actually thinking like a girl. They love that. -The most honest moment in a man's life is the five minutes after he's blown a load. That's a medical fact. And it's because you're no longer trying to get laid. You're actually thinking like a girl. They love that. Jesus Christ you're right. -Jesus Christ you're right. You bet your ass I'm right. You don't go out with a loaded gun, you empty the barrels! -You bet your ass I'm right. You don't go out with a loaded gun, you empty the barrels! Holy shit, I've been going out with a loaded gun! -Holy shit, I've been going out with a loaded gun! People get hurt that way. -Dom? What are you? You stole her from me. Now I want her back. -Dom Wooganowski. Duh. But but you're married. You have kids a great wife. -But but you're married. You have kids a great wife. If you're so happy with them, please, be my guest. -So... I see you made the news. It wasn't my truck -- I was helping out a guy in a wheelchair. -It wasn't my truck -- I was helping out a guy in a wheelchair. Uh-huh. Where was he? -Uh-huh. Where was he? Out getting coffee. -Out getting coffee. Yeah, that's more or less what the others said, too. Out getting coffee... supposed to meet him here... picking up my grandma... -Bob, do you remember Mary? Who? -Who? Mary. -Mary. From high school Mary? Yeah, I saw her about six months ago at a convention in Las Vegas. -A convention? How'd you see her at a convention? I'm an orthopedic surgeon, she's an orthopedic surgeon. -Why don't you be a gentleman and ask Rosey? Who? -Who? Big guy -- goes to Barrington high school. -Woogie from Borrington high? Sounds like a loser. Loser? Woogie was all-state football and and basketball and valedictorian of his class. -I got twenty bucks says you're full of shit. Oh come on, why would I lie? -Oh come on, why would I lie? Because you're a loser, and in some warped way this gives you a momentary sense of worth. -This is a good one, Mare. Sounds like his partner's all lubed up. Call you back. -You mean he doesn't like bad guys. 'That right? -'That right? He can tell you're an animal nut. You are, aren't ya? -He can tell you're an animal nut. You are, aren't ya? Truth is I usually get along better with animals than with people. In Nepal the villagers call me 'Kin-tan- tee', which means 'man who is loved by many animals... ...who love him a lot, too... and so on.' -Would you like a glass of tea or something? You got a brew? -Would you like a little clam-dip, honey? No, thanks. Love a little bundt cake if you have some! -We're in love with your roommate. Aw, Christ, I can't take it anymore. I'm gonna pack my bags and go back to my own place. -Healy you dog! Fucking Sully! Look at you! -Fucking Sully! Look at you! You hot shit. Ya look fuckin' pisser. -Here's the info you asked for. Thanks. -Thanks. You should thank me -- that girl was not easy to find. What'd she scam you out of-some insurance dough? -You should thank me -- that girl was not easy to find. What'd she scam you out of-some insurance dough? Nah, some guy threw me a few bucks to track down his high school girlfriend. -Nah, some guy threw me a few bucks to track down his high school girlfriend. Stalker, huh? -Stalker, huh? Big time. -Very nice. I'm doing okay. I gotta get ready for work. -Okay? With this pad, the killer wheels? Looks like you really cleaned up your act. What can I tell you? It's a healthier lifestyle down here, and it's easier to succeed when your head's clear. Those guys I worked with back in Boston, they were a bad influence. -What can I tell you? It's a healthier lifestyle down here, and it's easier to succeed when your head's clear. Those guys I worked with back in Boston, they were a bad influence. Fuckin' animals. Hey, what do you say we go grab a couple drinks. -Fuckin' animals. Hey, what do you say we go grab a couple drinks. Not for me, buddy. I don't drink anymore. -Not for me, buddy. I don't drink anymore. Yeah, and you don't drink any less, right? -Take it easy, that's Bill. Tell Bill to get the fuck off! -Tell Bill to get the fuck off! Relax, he just ate. -Nineteen months I been sober. What are you talking about? You were never an alky, you were a cokehead. -What are you talking about? You were never an alky, you were a cokehead. Yeah, well when you quit blow, you gotta quit the booze, too. -Yeah, well when you quit blow, you gotta quit the booze, too. Is that right? Well good for you, Sull, I'm proud of you. -Here, just have one of these then. Healy, what I just tell you? -Healy, what I just tell you? This is a light beer. You can't have a light beer? -This is a light beer. You can't have a light beer? No I can't. -I'm worried about you, man. You better learn to have a pop once in a while or you're gonna fall off the wagon. You're being a fanatic and that ain't healthy. Am I? -Am I? Bet your ass you are. Now I don't want to hear anymore of your happy horseshit. You gotta learn how to bend a little or believe me... you're gonna break. -Jesus, you know what? This shit doesn't even taste good to me anymore. Ah, fuck ya then, you big pussy. What are you, spotting? -Hello...? Sully...? Sully, that you? Who the fuck is it to you? -Who the fuck is it to you? Sully, it's Healy. What's going on over there? -Uh, I'm fine. Just wanted to let you know I'll have your car back in a couple hours, I'm still staking out this girl's apartment. You found my car?! -So where the hell are you, Healy? Ah, I got a date tonight with that Mary girl I told you about. -Ah, I got a date tonight with that Mary girl I told you about. The sawbones? -The sawbones? Yep. -Oh yeah. Dumbshit. -Why didn't you just tell her the truth? I don't know. I guess... it just seems that women today are more impressed by the mighty buck than by some schmo who spent the last seventeen years scraping by on Peace Corp wages. -But Jesus, Pat, if she's as special as you say, she's going to want to hear about the things you did. Ahh. -The bottom line is, I'm not going to use my philanthropy as some form of currency... especially after what I did. I lied to this poor girl. Lied, man. She deserved better. Hey, love will make you do fucked-up things. -Hey, love will make you do fucked-up things. You said it, mister. I gotta go. -I'm just saying I don't mind a guy with a bit of a beer belly. It means he's a guy. You can have those pretty boys who hang out in a gym all day staring at their reflections. A girl after your own heart, Ted. -Yeah, don't talk in someone's backswing. Thanks. -I'm gonna get a soda, you want one? No thanks. -Oh cripes. Do you have change for a dollar? All I have is these stupid Nepalese coins. Nepal? Have you been? -Nepal? Have you been? Not in months. I don't even know why I bought the damn place. -Not in months. I don't even know why I bought the damn place. You own a home there? -You own a home there? Well... it's just a condo really. Right outside Katmandu. -Well... it's just a condo really. Right outside Katmandu. Wow. That's a place I've always wanted to go. Is it true the mountains are so tall you can't see the tops? -Wow. That's a place I've always wanted to go. Is it true the mountains are so tall you can't see the tops? Not 'til you get about three hundred yards from the summit. That's been my experience anyway. -Here. Spend it on your trip to Katmandu. Thanks. -Well, it was nice meeting you, again. Same here again. -Same here again. By the way, what's your name? -By the way, what's your name? Pat Healy. -Don't you want to know my name? I already know it, Mary. -I already know it, Mary. How'd you know that? -How'd you know that? It's right there on your golf bag. -What are you doing with all these blueprints? Some buildings I'm working on. -Some buildings I'm working on. Are you... an architect? -Are you... an architect? Well, just until I get my PGA Tour card. -I'm kidding. Yeah, I guess you could call me an architect -- it's just a job really, a way to keep me moving. My real passion is my hobby. What's that? -What's that? I work with retards. -I work with retards. I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? You know... ...the guys who ride the short bus. -You know... ...the guys who ride the short bus. Isn't that a little politically incorrect? -Isn't that a little politically incorrect? The hell with that. No one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with. -The hell with that. No one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with. No, I mean -No, I mean -- There's this one kid, we call him Mongo on account of he's a mongoloid. He got out of his cage once and -- --- There's this one kid, we call him Mongo on account of he's a mongoloid. He got out of his cage once and -- -- He's in a cage?! --- He's in a cage?! Well it's more of an enclosure really. -Well it's more of an enclosure really. They keep him confined? That's bullshit! -They keep him confined? That's bullshit! That's what I said, so I went out and got him a leash you know, one of those clothesline runners for the backyard. He's got plenty of room out there to dig. The kid's really blossomed. Now I can take him to ball games, movies -- you know, happy stuff. -That's what I said, so I went out and got him a leash you know, one of those clothesline runners for the backyard. He's got plenty of room out there to dig. The kid's really blossomed. Now I can take him to ball games, movies -- you know, happy stuff. That sounds like fun. -That sounds like fun. Yeah, it's fun for them, but it's heaven for me. Those goofy bastards are just about the best thing I have in this crazy old world. Ooh, hey, I gotta run. -Yeah, it's fun for them, but it's heaven for me. Those goofy bastards are just about the best thing I have in this crazy old world. Ooh, hey, I gotta run. Look, uh, I was thinking maybe we should go have dinner sometime. -Oh, Pufferball likes his little tum- tum rubbed, doesn't he now? Wow, I've never seen him like this. He doesn't usually like guys. -Sorry, Pat, out of beer. You like vodka? Great. -Fine. Fine. Here you go. What's that smell? -The museum? I thought we were going out to dinner? We will, but first I have a surprise. -We will, but first I have a surprise. A surprise? -A surprise? The architecture exhibit! My friend Tucker is going to be here. He's an architect, too. You guys will have tons to talk about. -I know he's around here someplace. What say we get outta here and go crush a bucket? -What say we get outta here and go crush a bucket? We just got here thirty seconds ago. Isn't this stuff great? -Is this one art deco or art nouveau? Deco. -Deco. Would you call that a portico or a vestibule? -Would you call that a portico or a vestibule? That...? Vestibule. -That...? Vestibule. How about -- ? -How about -- ? When you look at architecture, try not to concern yourself with the pieces -- look at the building in its totalitarianism. -That grandmother of yours -- she's really something. Magda? She's not my grandmother -- actually she rents the apartment right next to mine. Her husband passed away a couple years ago so she doesn't like to be alone. -Magda? She's not my grandmother -- actually she rents the apartment right next to mine. Her husband passed away a couple years ago so she doesn't like to be alone. And it doesn't cramp your style? -And it doesn't cramp your style? Sadly, no. Well except for the lint. -Sadly, no. Well except for the lint. Lint? -Lint? Yeah, I think it's that dog of hers running around on the rug all day -- just makes for a lot of lint. Look at this... -You know, sometimes I wish I could be like Magda and not go home. I'd like to just bounce around for awhile, do a little traveling... Why bounce when you have your own condo in Nepal to go to? -Ah, I'd sell that. Start fresh in a new place, quit the architect game, slow things down, read more books, see more movies... You're a movie buff? -You're a movie buff? Try to be. It's tough going with the crap they make today. If Dumb and Dumber's the best they've got to offer I say thanks but no thanks. -Try to be. It's tough going with the crap they make today. If Dumb and Dumber's the best they've got to offer I say thanks but no thanks. Have you seen it? -Have you seen it? No. But the Boston Globe critic Jay Carr hated it. -No. But the Boston Globe critic Jay Carr hated it. A fucking moron. -A fucking moron. Huh. I guess I just wish they made them like they used to. You know, something like The Heartbreak Kid... or Harold and Maude. -Harold and Maude is my all-time favorite movie. Ouch. Come on, don't bust my chops. I know it's corny, but I do love it. -Ouch. Come on, don't bust my chops. I know it's corny, but I do love it. Pat, I'm not kidding. I really think it's the greatest -- -Pat, I'm not kidding. I really think it's the greatest -- -- Love story of our time. -Yeah. Wow. I thought I was the only one. -So... Yeah... I guess this is it, huh? -Yeah... I guess this is it, huh? I guess. -I guess. Well, I'll see ya. -Mary ah, forget it. What? -What? No, forget it, it was stupid. -No, forget it, it was stupid. Come on, what were you going to say? -Come on, what were you going to say? Nah, really, it was moronic. -Fuck!! Huh... that's strange. -Turn it up, Magda. Hey, watch your mouth -- she's a great gal. I'm the dumbshit for lying to her. -All set. You look great. Hey, Mare, do I have a rip in the back of these pants? -How's my stomach taste, she says. Hey thanks for picking up the lunch tab, Mare. Sorry I forgot my wallet. I feel like a dog. Forget it. It was... fun. -Urrggghh... Warren! -Are you okay? Not to worry. So... see you tonight, right? Right? -Not to worry. So... see you tonight, right? Right? Sure. -No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're gonna go out tonight. Oh, that reminds me, I've got to call what's- his-face and cancel. -Hi, I'm out drinking champagne and roses... and I'm really happy. Leave a message. BEEP. Uh, hey buddy. Oh boy, am I pissed. You're not going to believe this -- well, you'll believe it, there's no reason not to -- but I just got beeped for emergency surgery. Well, um, sorry, but I'm going to have to bail on you. -Woogie, please, you're starting to scare me. Who the hell's Woogie? -I say none of us leave this room until our young Mary here stops jerking us around and decides once and for all who she wants. Now Mary, I know this is difficult but you really will be doing them all a favor to tell them the truth about us. Are you crazy? Why would I pick you? You're a murderer. -So, Dom tells me you're looking for some lady-friend you knew in high school. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Any idea where I might start looking? -Any idea where I might start looking? She moved to Miami Beach twelve years ago. I checked directory assistance down there and she's not listed. She might've moved ten times since then. -She moved to Miami Beach twelve years ago. I checked directory assistance down there and she's not listed. She might've moved ten times since then. All you want is a phone number? -All you want is a phone number? Well, I know you're busy... -Well, I know you're busy... Don't play games with me, Ted. -Don't play games with me, Ted. I don't know, maybe you could poke around for a half day and see if she has five kids and a Labrador. -I don't know, maybe you could poke around for a half day and see if she has five kids and a Labrador. I don't buy it. -I don't buy it. You don't buy what? -Ted, I'm the kind of guy who shoots from the hip. Now I want you to level with me: Did you knock this skirt up? No. -No. She's blackmailing you, right? -She's blackmailing you, right? No. -No. You want her dead, don't you? -You want her dead, don't you? You can't be serious. -You can't be serious. Do you really expect me to believe this is a straight stalker case? -Do you really expect me to believe this is a straight stalker case? I'm not a stalker! She's a friend of mine. -I'm not a stalker! She's a friend of mine. Sure she is. That's why she got an unlisted number and you haven't heard squat from her in a dozen years. Oh you're good, Ted. You're a real piece of work. -Sure she is. That's why she got an unlisted number and you haven't heard squat from her in a dozen years. Oh you're good, Ted. You're a real piece of work. Look, let's forget it. Let's forget the whole thing. -Look, let's forget it. Let's forget the whole thing. I get one hundred a day plus expenses. -I get one hundred a day plus expenses. You get fifty a day, period. It's a business trip, they'll pay for your expenses. -I've got some very, very good news for you, my friend. Really? Very, very? -I think your life's about to change. So you found Mary? -So you found Mary? Right there in Liberty City. And you were right, she's really something. -Right there in Liberty City. And you were right, she's really something. So she hasn't changed? -So she hasn't changed? That I couldn't say. Let me ask you something: Was she a little big-boned in high school? -That I couldn't say. Let me ask you something: Was she a little big-boned in high school? No, not at all. -No, not at all. Well she must've packed on a few pounds over the years. -Mary's a little chubby, huh? I'd say about a deuce, deuce and a half. Not bad. -But you know, you shit out a bunch of kids, you're going to put on a few pounds. So she's married? -So she's married? Nope. Never been. -Nope. Never been. Huh? -Huh? Four kids, three different guys. -Four kids, three different guys. Three different guys? -Three different guys? Well I'm guessing. There's a black kid, two whites, and a midget. -Well I'm guessing. There's a black kid, two whites, and a midget. Oh my. -Oh my. Hyperactive little fuckers, too. Tough to keep up with in a wheelchair, I bet. -Hyperactive little fuckers, too. Tough to keep up with in a wheelchair, I bet. She's in a wheelchair?! -Don't look so shocked, it's been a long time. I bet you've changed a lot over the last twelve years, haven't you? It's just that... Mary. I wouldn't have thought... -It's just that... Mary. I wouldn't have thought... Anyway, the good news is I have all the information you need. Got it from her bookie -- nice guy. You should definitely call her, Ted. I mean she's a real sparkplug, that one. She seems determined to get those rugrats off welfare and with your help I'll bet she does it. -Thanks, Healy. Good work. Ted? Don't you want the name of the housing project? -Ted? Don't you want the name of the housing project? Uh, that's okay. -Uh, that's okay. You sure, big guy? I'll bet she'd love to hear from you before her mastectomy! -What are you doing? Oh, uh, I resigned. -Miami? Yeah, this insurance business is too slow for me. I'm going to go down and try my hand at jai alai. -Yeah, this insurance business is too slow for me. I'm going to go down and try my hand at jai alai. Jai alai? -Jai alai? Yeah, I don't know why but I always felt at home in the fronton. -Look, uh, I've been thinking about everything you told me. Good good. -Good good. Well I think you're right, I should look her up. -Well I think you're right, I should look her up. Rollerpig? Are you nuts? -Rollerpig? Are you nuts? But you said she was a sparkplug...? -But you said she was a sparkplug...? I said buttplug. She's heinous. -All the same, I still want to call her. I know it sounds crazy -- Mary sure has a lot of troubles in her life -- but, I don't know, maybe I can help her out. The poor thing's had it tough -- she's in a wheelchair for Godsakes. It's a goddamn bunion. It'll heal. -It's a goddamn bunion. It'll heal. Oh. I thought That's not it anyway. I know this doesn't make any sense to you, but I just can't turn it off that fast. I still feel something for her. -Okay, tell you what: I'll get her number for you just as soon as she gets back from Japan. Japan? What's she doing in Japan? -Japan? What's she doing in Japan? You've heard of mail-order brides? Well they go that way, too. -Mary's a mail-order bride? Fetched a pretty penny, too. Don't forget, it's the Sumo culture, they pay by the pound there. Sort of like tuna. -Hey, hey, hey! Surprised? -You fucked me, man? Why would you do that? What do you mean 'why'? -What do you mean 'why'? Answer the question, shitball. -Look, you asked me to follow your girl around, and I did and I started to like her, and then I realized I just couldn't in good conscience do it. Do what? -Do what? Turn her over to a stalker. -Turn her over to a stalker. What?! You're calling me a stalker? -What?! You're calling me a stalker? That's right -- if you weren't you would've looked for her yourself! -Oh Christ... poor dog. You're a sick man, you know that? -You're a sick man, you know that? Yeah well fuck you! You just can't stand the fact that it was my turn. -Yeah well fuck you! You just can't stand the fact that it was my turn. Your turn? -Your turn? That's right, hot shot! My turn. What's the matter with me, huh? Why can't I ever get the great girl? Give the big pig with the B.O. to Healy, right? Well I was sick of it, man! No more -- it was my turn. It was time for me... time for me... to be happy. -Well you didn't have to blow us both out of the water. Jesus Christ, just because she found out about you, why'd you have to take me down with you? I don't know what you're talking about. -I don't know what you're talking about. I'm talking about the letter, asshole. -I'm talking about the letter, asshole. What? -Are you telling me you didn't send Mary a letter outlining our deal? Why the fuck would I do that? I'd be screwing myself. -Pleasure to meet you, Patrick. Same here. -Mainly I work out of Boston. Boston, huh? Did you get your degree up there? -Boston, huh? Did you get your degree up there? Yes yes, I did get my degree up there. -Yes yes, I did get my degree up there. Harvard? -Harvard? You bet. -You bet. Did you study under Kim Greene? -Did you study under Kim Greene? Among others. -Among others. Kim and I are close friends! -Kim and I are close friends! Well, I'll tell her I ran into you. -Well, I'll tell her I ran into you. You mean him. -Really? But he's been married for twenty years -- they've got six kids. Nice smokescreen, isn't it? -Have you been to Let's see -- Santiago, Chile? Absolutely! I was there twice last year. Which building is yours? -Absolutely! I was there twice last year. Which building is yours? Do you know the... soccer stadium? -Do you know the... soccer stadium? Did you build the Estadio Olympico? -Did you build the Estadio Olympico? No... just down the street, the Amigo Tower. -No... just down the street, the Amigo Tower. I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with it. What style? -I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with it. What style? Uh, sort of nouveau Deco... with a big vestibule. Check it out next time you're up there. -You know, I really should take your card. Oh look, it's Doob! Will you excuse me a minute, Tucker? -Okay, Pat, take it easy -- don't do anything stupid. Who the fuck do you think you are making up that bullshit about me?! -Whoa, whoa -- I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe this'll jog your memory. -That stalker Ted got to you, right? You're working for him, aren't you, you little shit? Who? -You what? You heard me, goddamnit. I... I love her. -I'm a phony -- just like you, man. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I mean I'm a fucking fraud. I'm no architect. Don't be a putz -- who's been to Santiago twice in a year? Estadio Olimpico -- please! -I mean I'm a fucking fraud. I'm no architect. Don't be a putz -- who's been to Santiago twice in a year? Estadio Olimpico -- please! But... but you knew people at Harvard. -But... but you knew people at Harvard. I knew shit. The only thing I knew was that you were a fake and I made up everything else. My real name's Norm. I deliver pizzas. -I knew shit. The only thing I knew was that you were a fake and I made up everything else. My real name's Norm. I deliver pizzas. Bullshit! -...So then in '94 I went back to Dade Community College for a semester and when the Wal-Mart cashier job fell through I hooked up with the Pizza Barn. And you met Mary how? -And you met Mary how? Just dumb luck. I delivered a pie to her one night and she answered the door in her nightgown -- that was it for me. I went home that night, shaved my beard, and a week later I was laid out in her office with a broken back. -Just dumb luck. I delivered a pie to her one night and she answered the door in her nightgown -- that was it for me. I went home that night, shaved my beard, and a week later I was laid out in her office with a broken back. How'd you manage that one? -How'd you manage that one? Friend. Baseball bat. -Friend. Baseball bat. Nice. -Nice. Oh yeah, the plan was going along just fine until you showed up. -Oh yeah, the plan was going along just fine until you showed up. Hey, hey, hey, I'm not the one who started telling bald-faced lies about the competition -- that's crossing the line! -Hey, hey, hey, I'm not the one who started telling bald-faced lies about the competition -- that's crossing the line! What line? The day you first laid your oily rap on my future wife you started a war! -What line? The day you first laid your oily rap on my future wife you started a war! Future wife? Get real, man -- you're nothing more than a glorified brother in her eyes. -Future wife? Get real, man -- you're nothing more than a glorified brother in her eyes. Why you son of a -- -That stalkin' son-of-a-bitch! Fucking sickening. -How many is that? Four. -Four. That seems like a lot of speed for a little pooch -- you sure it won't kill him? -That seems like a lot of speed for a little pooch -- you sure it won't kill him? I never said that. -Ho-ly shit. Hey, this is a pretty nice place. -Hey, this is a pretty nice place. Sully...! What the fuck happened here?! -You little fuck. What? -What? You fucking prick, we had a deal -- you said you wouldn't fuck me and I wouldn't fuck you until we had this fuck out of the fucking picture. You crossed the line, man. -I swear! I didn't tell her nothing! You probably did it yourself, you piece of shit. Oh that makes a lot of sense. Why would I rat myself out? -Oh that makes a lot of sense. Why would I rat myself out? Like I'm going to try to figure out a guy who's idea of courting is blowing farts in the chick's face -Like I'm going to try to figure out a guy who's idea of courting is blowing farts in the chick's face You were following us? -You were following us? Don't flatter yourself -- I was following her, I always do. How the hell you think I got rid of Mary's boyfriend Steve? -Oh... Sully. Look, if it wasn't you who sent the letter, and it wasn't me who sent it? -Thanks for picking me up. No prob, I could use the company. I've been on the road going on fifteen hours straight. -No prob, I could use the company. I've been on the road going on fifteen hours straight. I know how you feel -- I been standing in the same spot for the last five hours. You know it's against the law to pick up a hitchhiker in this state. -I know how you feel -- I been standing in the same spot for the last five hours. You know it's against the law to pick up a hitchhiker in this state. That must make it tough. -That must make it tough. Sucks. So what's up? You some kind of salesman or something? -Sucks. So what's up? You some kind of salesman or something? Nah. I'm... I'm nothing. -Nah. I'm... I'm nothing. Oh. Well I am. -Oh. Well I am. Hm? -Hm? A salesman -- that's what I am. I mean, I'm gonna be anyway. I'm starting my own company -- video sales -- just as soon as I get enough seed money. -A salesman -- that's what I am. I mean, I'm gonna be anyway. I'm starting my own company -- video sales -- just as soon as I get enough seed money. 'That right? Good for you. -'That right? Good for you. Yeah, you wouldn't believe my idea -- it's a home run. You ever hear of Eight-Minute Abs? -Yeah, you wouldn't believe my idea -- it's a home run. You ever hear of Eight-Minute Abs? The exercise tape? Sure, I've seen it on T.V. -The exercise tape? Sure, I've seen it on T.V. Two million copies it sold last year. Two million, man. But not next year -- my idea's gonna blow them outta the water. Get this: Seven-Minute Abs. -I see where you're going. Think about it. You walk into a video store and you see Eight-Minute Abs and right next to it you see Seven- Minute Abs -- which one you gonna spring for? -Think about it. You walk into a video store and you see Eight-Minute Abs and right next to it you see Seven- Minute Abs -- which one you gonna spring for? I'd go with the seven. -I'd go with the seven. Bingo. Especially since we guarantee you'll get every bit as good a work- out. -Bingo. Especially since we guarantee you'll get every bit as good a work- out. How do you guarantee that? -How do you guarantee that? Well it's the company motto: 'If you ain't happy we'll send you the extra minute.' -Well it's the company motto: 'If you ain't happy we'll send you the extra minute.' Huh. That sounds great. Unless someone else comes out with Six-Minute Abs. -No, it should be 'a hockey player with great pecs.' Ugh, not pecs. Sounds like one of those guys with a fish-net shirt and a banana hammock. -I can live with those reflections. I'm sick of these calorie-countin' pansies. Give me a guy who likes kielbasa and beer and playing thirty- six holes and still has enough energy to take me and Warren out to a ballgame. -I'm sick of these calorie-countin' pansies. Give me a guy who likes kielbasa and beer and playing thirty- six holes and still has enough energy to take me and Warren out to a ballgame. Jeez, I don't know where you're ever going to find a guy like that. -Jeez, I don't know where you're ever going to find a guy like that. But here's the rub. The guy I'm talking about has got to be self- employed. -Yeah, and you'd probably dump the poor guy halfway to Katmandu. What's that supposed to mean? -What's that supposed to mean? It means you're too hard on guys. -It means you're too hard on guys. No I'm not. -No I'm not. Oh come off it, Mare. What about what's-his-name... Steverino? You could've at least passed the baton on that one. -Yeah, Steve. Steve was all right for awhile. All right for awhile? The guy's good- looking, rich, witty. He was a god. -I don't know, it was complicated. He's in San Francisco, I'm in Miami. Besides, Magda's psychic dog hated him. Is that old crab still with you? Mary, you said you were putting her up for a month -- it's been a year and a half. -Is that old crab still with you? Mary, you said you were putting her up for a month -- it's been a year and a half. Ah, she's okay. -What? Steve seemed to put up with Warren. I don't want someone who'll put up with him. I want someone who will enjoy him, the way I do. Do you know what he told my friend Tucker? He said he would've popped the question a lot earlier if Warren wasn't in my life. Well he is in my life and I'm goddamn lucky to have him. The hell with Steve. -Have you been up all night again? Bet your ass I have. It's an important job, Neighborhood Watch is. -Bet your ass I have. It's an important job, Neighborhood Watch is. Neighborhood Watch? Is that what you call listening in on stranger's phone conversations? -Neighborhood Watch? Is that what you call listening in on stranger's phone conversations? These ain't strangers, they're neighbors. This only picks up signals in a half-mile radius. -These ain't strangers, they're neighbors. This only picks up signals in a half-mile radius. Meaning? -Meaning? Meaning these are the people you live amongst, you got a right to know if they're creeps. For instance, did you know there's a guy down the hall cheating on his wife? -Meaning these are the people you live amongst, you got a right to know if they're creeps. For instance, did you know there's a guy down the hall cheating on his wife? You picked that up on the scanner. We gotta move. -You picked that up on the scanner. We gotta move. I confirmed it on the scanner. I knew something was up because Puffy used to bark like hell whenever he saw him and you know Puffy only barks at bad people. -Magda, Puffy barks at everybody. That's because there's a lot of bad people out there. Hey, Puffy tried to warn you about that Steve guy you was seeing -- he was a fucking asswipe -- but you had to find out for yourself, didn't you? -That's because there's a lot of bad people out there. Hey, Puffy tried to warn you about that Steve guy you was seeing -- he was a fucking asswipe -- but you had to find out for yourself, didn't you? Okay, you win. Now try to get some sleep, huh. -Jesus, Mary, you gotta hear this -- some cop's staking out this broad's apartment. No time, Magda, my show's starting. -So who's the lucky guy? Name's Patrick, I met him at the driving range. -Name's Patrick, I met him at the driving range. Good lookin'? -Good lookin'? He's no Steve Young. -What's he like? I don't know. He's kind of a mook. -I don't know. He's kind of a mook. What's a mook? -What's a mook? You know, a mookalone, a schlep. -You know, a mookalone, a schlep. Then why you going out with him if he's a schlep? -Then why you going out with him if he's a schlep? Come on, Magda It's like that movie Harold and Maude. -Come on, Magda It's like that movie Harold and Maude. I don't watch the new ones. -I don't watch the new ones. This one's almost thirty years old. It's about a young kid and an old lady who fall in love. -This one's almost thirty years old. It's about a young kid and an old lady who fall in love. That's exactly why I don't watch 'em anymore -- it's bullshit! Why the hell would an old lady go for a young kid? -The point is, love isn't about money or social standing or age, it's about connecting with someone, having things in common kindred spirits. Fuck kindred spirits. My little Puffy here's gonna tell you all you need to know about this guy in about two seconds flat. If he starts yapping, he's a loser; if Puffy's relaxed... well, you got yourself a keeper. -Sure. Uh, Magda, why don't you get some more cheese and crackers...? Oh, yeah, of course, dear. -Bundt cake? Must have a sweet tooth. See if you can find some cookies. -Hey hey, what did you say Pat's last name was? Healy. -I'm buying bananas tonight. Why? -Why? Back when I was your age I always used to make myself a big banana split after sex. I think you're gonna need one tonight. -Back when I was your age I always used to make myself a big banana split after sex. I think you're gonna need one tonight. Don't get ahead of yourself. You'll probably need it before I will. -Don't bet on it. Last time I had a pap smear the guy needed leather gloves and an oyster shucker. So maybe I could find a nice gentleman to take you to the movies. -So maybe I could find a nice gentleman to take you to the movies. Knock it off, Pollyanna, just 'cause you're in love doesn't mean everyone else has to be. -Knock it off, Pollyanna, just 'cause you're in love doesn't mean everyone else has to be. Love? Come on, I wouldn't call it love. -Love? Come on, I wouldn't call it love. Oh no? I ain't seen you beaming like this since you broke ninety on the Blue Monster. -An old flame? Kind of. Ted Peloquin -- one of the sweetest guys in the world. -You vicious bitch, how do you sleep at night? I can't do it -- I just found out it's his birthday. I guess I've gotta cancel on Ted. -Holy shit... Puffy, get over here. -Magda! The little shit lied to me about that guy! -Oh, hi hon. Just straightening up. Where's Puffy? -Where's Puffy? Ah, he was being a pest so I put him in the bathroom. -Pat's an architect, too. Hey, no kidding? Where are your offices? -Pat does projects all over the world. Where would I have seen your work? -What's up, Doc? Tucker, you look different some how. Did you do something with your hair? -You don't think they're too big? No no, the bigger the better. But I must say, they could be a little brighter. Nothing's sexier than a mouthful of pearly whites. -He's a nice guy, isn't he? Well that's what I'm trying to figure out. How long have you known him? -Not long at all, but I really like him. Okay, I know he's a little different, Tucker, but that's what I like about him. He's a guy. A real guy. He dresses like a dork and eats corndogs and he isn't always politically correct and he probably farts, too. And that's okay with me. That's what you've been looking for -- a farter? -That's what you've been looking for -- a farter? I've been looking for a guy -- not one of these South Beach pussies. -I've been looking for a guy -- not one of these South Beach pussies. Look, it's just that something about him struck me as odd last night. He gave me this funny vibe. Anyway, I called some friends back east. They don't know of any architect named Patrick Healy and he's not listed as a Harvard alumnus. -I thought so. Anyway, I hope you don't think I'm being meddlesome. I just think you should be careful with this guy. No no no, Tucker, thank you. -No no no, Tucker, thank you. I mean let's face it, Mary, you're beautiful, you've got money, you trust people -- I'm just saying, there's a lot of psychos out there. -I mean let's face it, Mary, you're beautiful, you've got money, you trust people -- I'm just saying, there's a lot of psychos out there. I appreciate you looking out for me. -Can I pour you one? Thanks, but I've got to be going. Unfortunately, Doc, this isn't a social visit. -What's up? Well... I've got a little more news about your friend Healy. -I think you'd better sit down. Tucker, I appreciate you doing all this, but I'm really strapped for time here and -- -Tucker, I appreciate you doing all this, but I'm really strapped for time here and -- Mary, the man's a killer. -What...? I've got a friend in the Boston police department. He faxed me this this morning. I'll just give you the highlights. After a short stint as a petty thief, Patrick R. Healy graduated to armed robbery by the age of fourteen. At sixteen he committed his first murder -- a pretty teacher's aid named Molly Pettygrove. He was incarcerated until age twenty-two when, despite a grim psychological profile, the state was forced to release him. In his mid- twenties and again in his early thirties he was suspected of homicides in the states of Utah and Washington. Unfortunately, the bodies were so badly decomposed that there wasn't enough evidence to hold him, and on and on and so forth and so on. -I can't believe this is happening. I'm supposed to be meeting him in an hour. Okay, just calm down. It's going to be okay. -Magda's right, I'm so lucky to have you in my life. Don't get all gooey on me now, you'll give me a big head. The important thing, Doctor, is you've got to distance yourself as much as possible without pissing this psycho off. -Don't get all gooey on me now, you'll give me a big head. The important thing, Doctor, is you've got to distance yourself as much as possible without pissing this psycho off. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I think I know what to do. I'll call him right now. -Uh, well... not exactly. You see, I exaggerated a little there. You mean he's not a criminal? -Name's Norm. I live up in Pompano with my folks. Oh Jesus... -Oh yeah. Fine. Thanks a lot, Ted. -Hey, you're limping. Did you just hurt yourself? No, it's an old football injury. -No, it's an old football injury. Oh, are you on the team? -Oh, are you on the team? No, a couple of the players and me were joking around and, uh, I fell off the school. -Oh he can hold you. He weighs two- hundred-and-thirty pounds. A real Clydesdale, huh Warren? -So who you taking to the prom? Huh? -Huh? The prom -- you going? -The prom -- you going? Oh, I don't know. I think proms are pretty dumb. -Oh, I don't know. I think proms are pretty dumb. 'Cause I thought maybe you and I could go if you weren't already taking someone. -'Cause I thought maybe you and I could go if you weren't already taking someone. I mean dumb in the sense that they only happen once a year. -Hi, Ted. Hi, Mary. -I'm sorry. I should've told you, he's got a thing about his ears. Oh. Okay. I gotcha. -Oh. Okay. I gotcha. Are you all right? -Are you all right? Oh yeah. -Ted, are you okay? Just a minute. -Ted, I'm so sorry. Are you going to be okay? You betcha! -You asshole, what are you -- Mary! Is that you? Who's that? -Oh my God... Ted. What are you...? I can't believe this. I haven't seen you since -- Yup, that's right. Junior prom... kinda. -Yup, that's right. Junior prom... kinda. And did everything -- ? -And did everything -- ? Oh yeah, healed right up. No visible scars. -I can't believe he remembered you. He never remembers anybody. You know I tried to call you for weeks after that. Really? I never got a message. -Really? I never got a message. That's weird. I talked to your brother Jimmy five or six times. -By the way, how's he doing? He's dead. -He's dead. Oh, Ted I'm so sorry to hear that. -Oh, Ted I'm so sorry to hear that. No, it was a good thing. I mean, good in that it was very quick. -Oh. So... what brings you down here? Funny story. You see, me and a buddy of mine decided to... ah... you know... just... drive down. -Well you look great. Are you married, do you have kids? Nope, nope -- dodged a few bullets. God, I cannot believe I'm standing here with Mary Jenson. -Nope, nope -- dodged a few bullets. God, I cannot believe I'm standing here with Mary Jenson. Actually, it's Mary Brooks now. -Actually, it's Mary Brooks now. Oh... are you... ? -Oh... are you... ? Nope, haven't walked the plank yet. There was this guy back in college who was bothering me... got kind of ugly -- a restraining order, the whole bit. Anyway, when I got out of Princeton I changed my name as a precaution. -Nope, haven't walked the plank yet. There was this guy back in college who was bothering me... got kind of ugly -- a restraining order, the whole bit. Anyway, when I got out of Princeton I changed my name as a precaution. Jeez... that sounds awful. Hey, what do you say we go out to dinner tonight, catch up on old times? -I'm kidding. I'd really love to, Ted, but the thing is I already have plans. How about tomorrow night? Mary, we haven't seen each other in twelve years. Don't make me wait another day. -Hey. Hi, Ted. -Hi, Ted. You look great. -You look great. Thanks. -What's that? Hm? -Hm? On your ear, you've got something. -Sure. Oh great, I ran out. -Now by killer, you mean...? I mean he murdered someone and did time back in Boston. The guy's a freak. -I mean he murdered someone and did time back in Boston. The guy's a freak. Jeez, Mary... I'm... -Jeez, Mary... I'm... Well, lucky for me I found out. Thank God I have friends like Tucker. Look, I'm sick of talking about stalkers. Let's talk about you. -You hit the ball pretty good for a fourteen. No short game. -We should play some time... I mean, if you can afford to lose some money. What are you? -What are you? Twenty-two. -Twenty-two. Bullshit, a twenty-two doesn't carry a one-iron -- don't sandbag me, lady. -Okay, sometimes I'm a nineteen. That's more like it. Two more nitrate-sicles please. -Nitrate-sicles -- I like that. I say they should put more meats on a stick, you know? They got a lot of sweets on sticks -- popsicles, fudgesicles, lollipops -- but hardly any meat. -I say they should put more meats on a stick, you know? They got a lot of sweets on sticks -- popsicles, fudgesicles, lollipops -- but hardly any meat. I agree there should be more. -You know what I'd like to see? Meat in a cone. You could put corned beef hash in a cone, or chopped liver. I like it. And think of the toppings -- cheese, mushrooms, mint jelly -I like it. And think of the toppings -- cheese, mushrooms, mint jelly Not to mention ketchup and hot peppers. -It's too bad you don't live down here, Ted. Yeah? -Yeah? We've got a lot in common. -Well... why don't you move back? Ah, my roots here are too deep. I love my practice, the people I work with, Warren's got a nice thing going Why don't you just move down here and marry me? -So you're a writer? Trying to be. -Trying to be. Well good for you. I bet it works out for you. -Well good for you. I bet it works out for you. We'll see. If it doesn't, what the hell, at least I gave it a shot. -We'll see. If it doesn't, what the hell, at least I gave it a shot. That's right. And the good thing is you can do it anywhere. -That's right. And the good thing is you can do it anywhere. What about you, Mare? How the hell'd you manage to stay single? -What about you, Mare? How the hell'd you manage to stay single? I don't know... My friends think I'm too picky. I think I'm just a weirdo magnet. I did come close once -- just last year, in fact. There was this guy he lived in San Francisco. -...and then it was all over. We haven't spoken since. Wow. That's too bad. He sounds almost perfect. -Wow. That's too bad. He sounds almost perfect. Yeah... almost. You want to come up and watch Sportscenter? -Yeah... almost. You want to come up and watch Sportscenter? Uh no. I think I'm gonna get out while I'm ahead. -Ted... you're not that far ahead. Look, Mary, the truth is... I'll be in town for a while now but I don't think we should see each other for a few weeks. -Look, Mary, the truth is... I'll be in town for a while now but I don't think we should see each other for a few weeks. Why not? -Why not? Well... to be honest... I'm really crazy about you and it's making me nervous and when I get nervous I'm not myself and I'm afraid I'm going to doing something really dumb before we get started so I think I should just lay back until I regain my composure. -That's really sweet, Ted, but you should save it for one of your books. All right, let's go. -Um, Ted, I need a moment with Magda -- would you let the dog out of the bathroom. Yeah, sure. -Uh, Mare, what kind of dog is Puffy? Toy poodle! -Get out. Wait, hold on, Mary -- it's not as bad as it sounds. I certainly didn't know -- -Wait, hold on, Mary -- it's not as bad as it sounds. I certainly didn't know -- That you put a murderer on my trail? -That you put a murderer on my trail? Well yeah, I didn't know much about him. I just thought -- -Well yeah, I didn't know much about him. I just thought -- What did you think, Ted? That you could spy on me and trick me into thinking you were someone I could... really go for? -Mary, I swear I wasn't trying to trick you. Then what the fuck did you do it for? -Then what the fuck did you do it for? I did it because because I'd never stopped thinking about you and if I didn't find you I knew my life would never be good again. -Please leave. Mary, come on... -Mary, come on... Go! -Go! Okay. -Woogie and I went out for awhile in high school. You're Woogie? -What what are you doing here? You forgot your keys! -Ted...? I... I just want you to be happy, Mary. -I... I just want you to be happy, Mary. But I think I'd be happiest... with you. -But but what about Steve? Oh yeah, that'd make golf real fun -- the guy doesn't even drink beer or gamble. -Get over here. Really? -Really? Really. -Yeah? What do you want? Um, hi, I'm Ted Peloquin. I'm here to take Mary to the prom. -Um, hi, I'm Ted Peloquin. I'm here to take Mary to the prom. Prom? You're about twenty minutes late. She just left for the prom with her boyfriend Woogie. -Jesus Christ, guy, what the hell were you doing?! I was playing a trick. I-I-I had a baseball. -What seems to be the situation here? You shit yourself or something? I wish. -I, uh... I got it stuck. You got what stuck? -You got what stuck? It. -It. It? Oh it. All right, these things happen, let me have a look. It's not the end of the world. -OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Shhhhhh! -Shhhhhh! Shirley, get in here! You gotta see this! -Shirley, get in here! You gotta see this! What?! No please, sir -- -What?! No please, sir -- She's a dental hygienist. She'll know what to do. -Is it the frank or the beans? I think a little of both. -One guess. How the hell'd you get the beans all the way up top like that? -How the hell'd you get the beans all the way up top like that? I don't know. It's not like it was a well thought-out plan. -You're looking at him. C'mere and take a look at this beauty. No, that's really unneces -- -Charlie, that's mean. Come on in, Ted. Don't listen to Mr. Wise Guy here. He's a joke a minute. Oh. Oh, that's a good one. -Teddy, hon, are you okay? OH HEAVENS TO PETE! Would you shhh! Mary's gonna hear us. -Would you shhh! Mary's gonna hear us. Just relax, dear. Now, um... what exactly are we looking at here? -Just relax, dear. Now, um... what exactly are we looking at here? What do you mean? -What do you mean? I mean is it... is it...? -No, no, please! Teddy, be brave. -Ho there. Oh God. -Oh God. Everything okay here? Neighbors said they heard a lady scream. -Now I've seen it all. What the hell were you thinking? I wasn't trying -- -I wasn't trying -- Is that bubble what I think it is? -Well, there's only one thing to do. No, no, no, I'll be fine. I'll just hang my shirttail out and work on it in the morning. -No, no, no, I'll be fine. I'll just hang my shirttail out and work on it in the morning. Look, son, this'll only hurt for a second. -No! I was pissing! Yeah, I'll bet you all were. Come on, in the truck. -Hey. So what's up? -So what's up? Eh. -Eh. Great. Great. So listen, uh, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to the prom you know, with me. -It's no big deal, whatever I mean, if you want. See, the thing is, I heard a rumor that this guy I like was gonna ask me. -See, the thing is, I heard a rumor that this guy I like was gonna ask me. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Yeah, so... I'm gonna wait and see what happens there... But that sounds great, yeah. -Okay. So is that a yes or a no? I think I was very clear, Ted. If everything else falls apart, maybe. -Piggyback ride. I don't mind. If you think he can hold me. -We're here, Warren. You wanna get off? Giddy-up. -Franks and beans! Jesus, I think her brother spotted me. -How are you doing, Warren? Good, Ted. Piggy back ride? -Good, Ted. Piggy back ride? I'm gonna take a rain check. -See you, Warren. Huh...? -See you, Warren. Bye, Ted. -Which is exactly what they appear to be preparing to do, Mr. President. We're tracking 26 ships inbound to Cuba. There's no sign they're changing course. The closest ships, the Gagarin and the Kimovsk, will make the quarantine line by this time tomorrow. We're concerned about the possibility of an incident with an innocent cargo carrier. If it turns ugly, the Russians could use an ugly incident and bad world opinion as leverage to force us to remove the quarantine. -We've been hailing the Groznyy for the last hour, Mr. Secretary. The Groznyy refuses to stop. What are you doing? -What are you doing? Carrying out our mission, Mr. Secretary. If you don't mind, we're very busy right now. We need to be able to do our jobs. -Carrying out our mission, Mr. Secretary. If you don't mind, we're very busy right now. We need to be able to do our jobs. Admiral, I asked you a question. -Yes, Captain, you may proceed. Clear your guns. What -- -Starshells. Get out of our way, Mr. Secretary. The navy has been running blockades since the days of John Paul Jones. -I believe the President made it clear that there would be no firing on ships without his express permission. With all due respect, Mr. Secretary, we were not firing on the ship. Firing on a ship means attacking the ship. We were not attacking the ship. We were firing over it. -With all due respect, Mr. Secretary, we were not firing on the ship. Firing on a ship means attacking the ship. We were not attacking the ship. We were firing over it. This was not the President's intention when he gave that order. What if the Soviets don't see the distention? What if they make the same mistake I just did? There will be no firing anything near ANY Soviet ships without my express permission, is that understood, Admiral? -This was not the President's intention when he gave that order. What if the Soviets don't see the distention? What if they make the same mistake I just did? There will be no firing anything near ANY Soviet ships without my express permission, is that understood, Admiral? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. And I will only issue such instructions when ordered to by the President. John Paul Jones... you don't understand a thing, do you, Admiral? -This private assurance represents the word of the Highest Authority? Yes. -Yes. And it can be relayed beyond Comrade Khruschev's ears to the top circles of my government -And it can be relayed beyond Comrade Khruschev's ears to the top circles of my government Of course. Our pledge can be relayed to any government official Secretary Khruschev sees fit to satisfy. -With the caveat that it is not made public in any way, shape or form. And we must have an answer tomorrow at the latest. I cannot stress this point enough. Tomorrow... -Tomorrow... Tomorrow... -Good. Where the hell are you? -Jesus Christ, guys. What the hell's Khruschev thinking? Did you have any indication of this from Georgi? Any possible warning or sense of motivation? -Did you have any indication of this from Georgi? Any possible warning or sense of motivation? Complete snowjob. And then we went out and told the country they weren't putting missiles into Cuba. By the way, you realize we just lost the midterms. -He's right, Jack. Taylor is saying we may have some time. We've got to use it. So if there are alternatives that make sense -- and I'm not saying there are -- we need 'em. Need 'em fast. -So if there are alternatives that make sense -- and I'm not saying there are -- we need 'em. Need 'em fast. What about the allies? Congress? I think we may need to start letting key people know. And they're all scattered across the country for the campaign. We're going to need to get the U.N. staff in and warmed up. Jesus... I don't even know if we've got secure communications with half our embassies since that the Soviets got that cryptographer of ours. -What about the allies? Congress? I think we may need to start letting key people know. And they're all scattered across the country for the campaign. We're going to need to get the U.N. staff in and warmed up. Jesus... I don't even know if we've got secure communications with half our embassies since that the Soviets got that cryptographer of ours. We can't worry about everything right now. We've got to figure out what we're going to do before we worry about how we do it. -As if dealing with the Russians wasn't hard enough, we gotta worry about our own house. Tonight, listening to Taylor and Acheson, I kept seeing Burke and Dulles telling me all I had to do was sign on the dotted line. The invasion would succeed. Castro would be gone. Just like that. Easy. -There's still no sign they know that we know about the missiles. Been a lot of cloud cover; probably think we aren't getting any good product. We keep 'em in the dark as long as we can. But I sure as hell am going to test him. -Lying bastard. Lied to my face. We're split down the middle. If I held a vote I think airstrike would beat blockade by a vote or two. -We're split down the middle. If I held a vote I think airstrike would beat blockade by a vote or two. I want a consensus, Bobby. Consensus. Either air strike or blockade. Something everyone'll stand by even if they don't like it. I need it by Saturday. Make it happen. -I want a consensus, Bobby. Consensus. Either air strike or blockade. Something everyone'll stand by even if they don't like it. I need it by Saturday. Make it happen. What if I can't? -Well, I'm not. Then you'll call, right? -Goddamn Stevenson. Jesus. Peace at any price. You'd think nobody learned anything from World War Two. Somebody had to say it. I respect Adlai for having the guts to risk looking like an appeaser. -Somebody had to say it. I respect Adlai for having the guts to risk looking like an appeaser. We have to pull him. He's not going to be able to handle the Soviets in front of the U.N. Zorin will eat him alive. -We have to pull him. He's not going to be able to handle the Soviets in front of the U.N. Zorin will eat him alive. We've got bigger problems right now. -We're going to have to stop a ship eventually, show the quarantine's got teeth, or we'll prove McCone right. McNamara's on his way back here now. We need to pick the right ship. No subs. No armed boarding parties either. We need a little more time to figure this one out. -He gets it, but he's pissed. That's all well and good, but what do we say to 'em? -We were just debating who had it worse, us or George Washington and his guys. He didn't have to worry about nuclear weapons. -He didn't have to worry about nuclear weapons. Yeah, but the country didn't even exist as a country yet. It was a mess, and he didn't have a leg to stand on. -How does a guy get a rep like that? Doesn't matter to me. If I went down in history like Adams, I'd die happy. All they say about him today is -- -Who gives a shit about the midterms now? The Soviets are putting nuclear weapons ninety miles away from us. You mean there's something more important than votes? Didn't think I'd live to see the day, Ken. -The other thing is... ...I know. CIA and the military fucked us on the Bay of Pigs. -...I know. CIA and the military fucked us on the Bay of Pigs. They're going to be pressing for a military solution soon. We can't afford to let them ram their agenda down our throats. We need to come with options other than air strikes so we have some sort of choice here. -They're going to be pressing for a military solution soon. We can't afford to let them ram their agenda down our throats. We need to come with options other than air strikes so we have some sort of choice here. We got a bunch of smart guys. We lock 'em up together in there, kick 'em in the ass til they come up with options. -I'll do it. It's too politicized with you in there, anyway. They need to be able to stick their necks out. -It's too politicized with you in there, anyway. They need to be able to stick their necks out. It'll be the principals, a couple of the key guys from each department: the Executive Committee of the National Security Council. We'll call it EXCOM. -Jack, I'm as conniving as they come, but a sneak attack is just wrong. He's right. And things are happening too fast. It smells like the Bay of Pigs all over again. -What happened to speak when spoken to? Give it a rest. You were thinking the same thing, just didn't have the guts to take the heat. -Jesus... Rescind the order. Can all the Chiefs. Put Nitze, Gilpatric and the Undersecretaries in charge. -Rescind the order. Can all the Chiefs. Put Nitze, Gilpatric and the Undersecretaries in charge. We can't do that, Bobby. -Adlai's too weak! We have to convince Jack to pull him, get McCloy in there. You can't take him out this late in the game. -You can't take him out this late in the game. Zorin will eat him alive! -Zorin will eat him alive! Then talk to your brother, goddamn it. The two of you don't need any advice to get into trouble. -Then talk to your brother, goddamn it. The two of you don't need any advice to get into trouble. What's gotten into you? -Oh, still sore about this. Something your father would've come up with. -My father -- -- I'm just trying to make a point. This idea is that fucking bad. -Adlai can handle Zorin. He knows the inning and the score. He better. Because nobody thinks he's up to this. Nobody. -Where've you been? We've been trying to find you all morning. Helen and I went out for breakfast. EXCOM's not supposed to convene til eight. -Helen and I went out for breakfast. EXCOM's not supposed to convene til eight. We just got a second letter from Khruschev. The deal's off. -We're getting everyone together as fast as we can. What does the letter say? -What does the letter say? They want us to take our missiles out of Turkey along with the no invasion pledge. It looks like Fomin was a ploy after all, and they were just stalling for time. -And? And Jack wants to trade the missiles in Turkey. -And Jack wants to trade the missiles in Turkey. The Jupiters are obsolete. They were supposed to have been dismantled last summer anyway -- -The Jupiters are obsolete. They were supposed to have been dismantled last summer anyway -- -- Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I told you how stupid it was to float the Lippman article! But you wouldn't listen to me. What if there hasn't been a coup at all? What if it's you two who invited that second letter by raising the possibility of a trade? -All right, so maybe we overestimated how reasonable this trade would look. Okay? You happy? So now what? So now you've got to talk him out of it. And then we've got to figure out an acceptable political solution. -So now you've got to talk him out of it. And then we've got to figure out an acceptable political solution. And if there has been a coup and there is no acceptable political solution? -We gave so much to get here. I don't know. Sometimes I think what the hell did we do it for? Because we knew we could do a better job than everyone else. -Slow down. Smell that? Smoke. -Smoke. Just wanted to see for myself. They're burning their documents. -Yeah? Kenny. It's over. -Hey, Mac. You're up bright and early. No, Ken. I need to see him now... -What's it about? Cuba. -Helen just asked me what sort of arrangements we have for the families. I just checked myself. They're being issued identity cards. Call comes, and evacuation officers meet them at pre-arranged departure areas. They go by helicopter to Mount Weather. We meet them there. -What did you think of Lippman's column this morning? I think it's a bad idea. -You gotta stop 'em. We know it's Jack and Bobby's idea -- they leaked it to Lippman. The military guys are going ape, and they're not alone. Then they should speak up. -Then they should speak up. Christ, Ken, you know it's not that easy. -Christ, Ken, you know it's not that easy. Yes it is. -Yes it is. No it isn't. They don't trust the people that feel this way. But these people are right. And the Kennedys are wrong. We need you to tell 'em, Kenny. They'll listen to you. -Jack and Bobby are good men. But it takes a certain character, moral toughness to stand up to -- -- You listen to me. Nobody, nobody, talks about my friends that way. You're fucking here right now because of the Kennedys. They may be wrong. They make mistakes. But they're not weak. The weak ones are these 'people' who can't speak their own minds. --- You listen to me. Nobody, nobody, talks about my friends that way. You're fucking here right now because of the Kennedys. They may be wrong. They make mistakes. But they're not weak. The weak ones are these 'people' who can't speak their own minds. You know I don't mean they're weak. -The sun came up today. Yeah. -Yeah. It shouldn't have. But it did. -Every day the sun comes up... says something about us. Says what, Kenny? -I am instructed to tell you that the American Government would respond favorably to an offer along the lines you have discussed. If this solution were raised at the U.N. by Ambassador Zorin, he would find a favorable reply from Ambassador Stevenson. So I understand you correctly. If the missiles in Cuba were dismantled, returned to the Soviet Union, and a guarantee was made not to reintroduce them, the United States would be prepared to guarantee that it would never invade Cuba? -So I understand you correctly. If the missiles in Cuba were dismantled, returned to the Soviet Union, and a guarantee was made not to reintroduce them, the United States would be prepared to guarantee that it would never invade Cuba? That is correct. -That is correct. This is from the Highest Authority? -This is from the Highest Authority? Yes. From the Highest Authority. There are two conditions. The U.N. must be allowed to inspect the removal of the missiles. -Yes. From the Highest Authority. There are two conditions. The U.N. must be allowed to inspect the removal of the missiles. And, of course, the U.N. must be allowed to observe the redeployment of forces from the American Southeast. -And the second condition? Time is of the essence. -John. How much time? 48 hours. In 48 hours there can be no deals. -Max. McCone's been notified and is coming back from the West coast. Carter's here, though. -We have high confidence in the expanded air strike option. The problem, Mr. President, is that it's a short-term solution. Khruschev can send more missiles next month. The Chiefs and I believe we should follow up the air strikes with the full version of OPLAN 316. An invasion... -An invasion... Yes, sir. We can be sure we get all the missiles, and we remove Castro so this can never happen again. -Is this the Chiefs' recommendation? Yes, sir. Our best option is to commence the strikes before the missiles are operational. The invasion happens eight days later. -How long until the army is ready? We've just begun the mobilization under cover of a pre-arranged exercise, sir. We're looking at another week and a half, Mr. President. -Guess we can't blame Khruschev for a few patriotic farmers. And the ships? Still heading for Cuba. -Still heading for Cuba. All right. Then I guess it's time. --- I have the authority. I am the commander-in-chief of the United States, and I say when we go to war! We are not at war, sir, not until we're at DEFCON 1. -We are not at war, sir, not until we're at DEFCON 1. General, the Joint Chiefs have just signaled our intent to escalate to the Soviets. You have signaled an escalation which I had no wish to signal, and which I did not approve. -So which one of you geniuses can tell me how to explain ourselves to the world? How do we work with them if there's been a hard-line coup? Mr. President, there is another possibility we haven't considered. This may not be a coup at all. -Then we have no choice. General, issue the warning orders to our forces. They will be prepared to execute the air strikes Monday morning and the follow-on invasion according to the schedule thereafter. I'll need the official release orders on my desk Sunday night. Understood, sir. We need to step up the overflights, finalize our pilots' target folders in order to be able to carry out the strikes. -Does this attack on our plane represent a definitive, intentional escalation on the part of the Soviets? The Soviets are in control of the SAMs. It's hard to believe with their centralized command structure that it could be an accidental launch. -Don't forget, Mrs. Higgins wants to talk to you this afternoon about Kevin. You need to do something about this. Kids are supposed to get detention. -When are you going to be home? I don't know, Helen. I want you to keep the kids close tomorrow. Leave the T.V. on, sleep with it on in the bedroom until I tell you you can turn it off. -I don't know, Helen. I want you to keep the kids close tomorrow. Leave the T.V. on, sleep with it on in the bedroom until I tell you you can turn it off. What's happened? -What's happened? Nothing. Nothing you don't know about. Tomorrow's the big day. Just have the car ready to go if I call or if the Civil Defense Warning comes on. -Nothing. Nothing you don't know about. Tomorrow's the big day. Just have the car ready to go if I call or if the Civil Defense Warning comes on. What happens to you? I'm not leaving without you. -What happens to you? I'm not leaving without you. I'll be evacuated with the President. -If you're home it means either Jack and Bobby have finally figured out what a con man you are and fired you, or -- -- we got a back channel communication from Khruschev this evening feeling us out about a deal. He confirmed it just a little while ago in a letter to the President. I think we've won. --- we got a back channel communication from Khruschev this evening feeling us out about a deal. He confirmed it just a little while ago in a letter to the President. I think we've won. A thing like this... who could even think of winning? -I saw you out there. You want him to call you back, need you. No. I'm glad I'm home. -How's my favorite President? Busy. But you've got his heart. -Busy. But you've got his heart. I want an hour with him. -I want an hour with him. I said his heart, not his attention. -I said his heart, not his attention. Three weeks before midterm elections? You need me. -Three weeks before midterm elections? You need me. Well. There is a new civil rights initiative he wants to talk about. -Well. There is a new civil rights initiative he wants to talk about. I'm doing a piece on Skybolt. I hear Macmillan's meeting with him in Nassau. -Pretending there isn't a problem won't fix it. He can clear the air on Anglo American relations. Forget it, Scotty. -Forget it, Scotty. Let him talk to me, he makes Macmillan look good, I print it, the British public likes it, Macmillan owes you. -It's Tuesday. You said to call. When do I get my 45 minutes? Tell you what. We're in Connecticut tomorrow for Ribicoff. I'll get you up front with him during the flight. -Tell you what. We're in Connecticut tomorrow for Ribicoff. I'll get you up front with him during the flight. Deal. -Kenny! What happened? They didn't let me up front, said the President was on the phone the whole time. He was. -He was. Yeah? Who was he talking to? Acheson? Come on, O'Donnell, everyone's wondering what's going on. What's Acheson doing in town? And don't give me some bullshit about DNC think tanks. Acheson's Mr. Cold War. -Yeah? Who was he talking to? Acheson? Come on, O'Donnell, everyone's wondering what's going on. What's Acheson doing in town? And don't give me some bullshit about DNC think tanks. Acheson's Mr. Cold War. Why don't you ask him yourself? You can have him on the way home. -Why don't you ask him yourself? You can have him on the way home. I'm giving you a chance here: talk to me. You can influence how this thing unfolds. -There are major rail disruptions in the South, two airborne divisions are on alert. That exercise is an invasion. Well, you know how Bobby has it in for the State of Mississippi. -Well, you know how Bobby has it in for the State of Mississippi. This is about Cuba. -Secretary of Defense... Dean Rusk! -Dean Rusk! Wrong, and you get to wax my car. -Hey, sport. You winning? Yeah. -I guess you won't be coming home tonight. I, uh... -Get back out there, kid. Remember to hit 'em hard. What about you? Where are you going? -What about you? Where are you going? Back to work. -I was eating that. No you weren't. -No you weren't. I was, you bastard. -So what've we got today? Today, for your information, is Pulaski Day. We're going to Buffalo... -Still think Cuba isn't important? Not as far as the election goes. -Should be here any minute. Good. -No choice. This is going to cost lives any way we go. Do nothing, and it could be 80 million of ours. We have to get rid of those missiles. There've got to be alternatives to just going out and bombing them. -Okay. Kenny and I only show for the meetings you call us into. Impress us. And do it fast. You're in charge of keeping this quiet. If word gets out before we know what we're going to do, there'll be panic. And it'll ruin any chance of surprise if we decide to hit them. Then we need to do a few things right away. No Pierre. He knows, the press knows. You're going to have to keep up your schedule -- your movements are followed too closely. And we need to get these guys out of the White House. George Ball's got a conference room at State. Reconvene over there this afternoon, come back here tonight. -Call me Irish, but I don't believe in cooler heads prevailing. Acheson's scenario is unacceptable. And he has more experience than anyone. -Acheson's scenario is unacceptable. And he has more experience than anyone. There is no expert on this subject, no wise old man. -Let's get out of here. Cheer up, you've neutralized the entire White House Press Corps for a day. -Have you canceled Chicago and the rest of the weekend yet? You don't show for Chicago, everyone'll know there's something going on. -You don't show for Chicago, everyone'll know there's something going on. I don't care. Cancel it. -I don't care. Cancel it. No way. -I'm not calling and canceling on Daly. You call and cancel on Daly. You're scared to cancel on Daly. -You're scared to cancel on Daly. Damn right I'm scared. -We have to try the blockades. It probably won't work. It may just be delaying the inevitable. But we can't just go to war without trying not to. I don't know. I don't know. -You'd worry that something was wrong if Congress offered you unconditional support. They want this fucking job, they can have it. It's no great joy to me. -I don't like what's happening. In the morning I'm taking charge of the blockade from the situation room. McNamara'll set up shop in the flag plot at the Pentagon, keep an eye on things there. -In the morning I'm taking charge of the blockade from the situation room. McNamara'll set up shop in the flag plot at the Pentagon, keep an eye on things there. All right. 'Cause you get armed boarders climbing into Soviet ships, shots being fired across bows... -All right. 'Cause you get armed boarders climbing into Soviet ships, shots being fired across bows... I know, I know... -I know, I know... What about these low-level flights? They're starting in what? An hour? Do you realize what you're letting yourself in for? -What about these low-level flights? They're starting in what? An hour? Do you realize what you're letting yourself in for? We need those flights. We have to know when those missiles become operational, because when they do, we need to destroy them. -We need those flights. We have to know when those missiles become operational, because when they do, we need to destroy them. Fair enough. But Castro's on alert and we're flying attack planes over their sites, on the deck. There's no way for them to know they're carrying cameras, not bombs. They're going to be shot at, plain and simple. -I'm your political advisor, and I'm giving you political analysis here. This is a setup. The Chiefs want to go in. It's the only way they can redeem themselves for the Bay of Pigs. They have to go in, and they have to do it right. It's that simple. I'm gonna protect those pilots. -How does a man get to a place where he can say, 'throw those lives away,' so easily? Maybe it's harder for them to say it than they let on. At the very least, they believe it's in our best interest. And at the end of the day, they may end up being right. -That's going to be tough. You know how these guys are about their chains of command... Any problems, you remind them those chains of commands end at one place. Me. -We can horsetrade with Khruschev on ships. But it doesn't get us any closer to removing those missiles. Have to hope it's a signal that he'll back down on the real issue too. -He's right, we can't rescind DEFCON 2. The Soviets will think we've gotten sweet on them. And we can't purge the Chiefs. Our invasion talk will look like a bluff. Or even that there's been an attempted coup. -What's that? Oh, just a bunch of crap about withdrawing our Jupiter missiles in Turkey if the Soviets'll do the same in Cuba. -I don't want to listen to this again. If we made a trade, we'd be giving in to extortion, and NATO would never trust us again. We'll get clobbered in world opinion. -If we made a trade, we'd be giving in to extortion, and NATO would never trust us again. We'll get clobbered in world opinion. It's a goddman trial balloon. Trial is the operative word, here. -It's a goddman trial balloon. Trial is the operative word, here. Then somebody'd better deny it publicly. -Jesus Christ, O'Donnell, you're the one saying we need to move forward on a political solution. Yeah, a good political solution. -Didn't know Adlai had it in him. Too bad he didn't have this stuff in '52. Zorin must not have gotten instructions. Somebody in their Foreign Ministry's blown it big-time. -Hello? I've got to move. What do you have, Kenny? -I've got to move. What do you have, Kenny? They know each other! Khruschev and Feklisov aka Fomin were war buddies! -They know each other! Khruschev and Feklisov aka Fomin were war buddies! You're sure... -You're sure... Don't take it to court, but we've got good circumstantial evidence... Walter agrees. My gut's telling me Khruschev's turning to a trusted old friend to carry his message. -Don't take it to court, but we've got good circumstantial evidence... Walter agrees. My gut's telling me Khruschev's turning to a trusted old friend to carry his message. Okay, Ken. We're going. -We give them something. We tell them we'll remove the missiles from Turkey say, six months from now so that there appears to be no linkage. We also tell them if they go public about it, we deny it and the deal is off. And we do it under the table so we can disavow any knowledge of it. -Moving the line. Stroke of genius. Of course it is. But the President needs to realize we're going to have to stop a ship eventually. -You must think I'm blind and stupid. I've already gotten the birds and bees from Bobby. The President doesn't have to double-barrel me. Listen to me, goddamn it. We're talking about a possible nuclear war. You dropped the ball on Bay of Pigs -- -Listen to me, goddamn it. We're talking about a possible nuclear war. You dropped the ball on Bay of Pigs -- -- you sonofabitch, goddamn it, I didn't drop -- --- you sonofabitch, goddamn it, I didn't drop -- You were in the room. It was your purview. It was your job to make sure Bissel wasn't fucking us over and you didn't do it. You've got the most important job in the world right now. You're the smartest guy the President has. Besides me. -At least it will expose whether Khruschev has been overthrown. We'll know what we're dealing with. And if this is a move to appease the hard line, then it may just be the bone he needs to regain control of his own house. -Dangle a settlement, tie us down in negotiations, we come up short... Why else would they approach us in this way? It's deniable. The Soviets have done nothing but lie to us. This could be more of the same. -Why else would they approach us in this way? It's deniable. The Soviets have done nothing but lie to us. This could be more of the same. That may be why Khruschev's introducing this guy. We've been burned by his usual players in the formal channels, so he brings in an honest broker. -That may be why Khruschev's introducing this guy. We've been burned by his usual players in the formal channels, so he brings in an honest broker. That may be what they want us to think. -My specialists are in agreement: this morning's letter is not Khruschev. Last night's letter was. The evidence supports only one conclusion: there has been a coup, and Khruschev was replaced overnight. Jesus Christ... -It's transparent. The press'll be all over it. Six months from now, I'm not going to care. Are you? We'll deal with it. -Bob. Bet you had a late night. Sleep is for the weak, Mr. President. -Bob? We've worked up several military scenarios. Before I ask General Taylor to lead us through the various options, I'd like for us to adopt a rule. If we are going to strike, we must agree now that we will do it before the missiles become operational. Because once they are, I don't think we can guarantee getting them all before at least some are launched. -Bob, is there any way we can avoid stopping a submarine first? I'm afraid not, Mr. President. The sub has positioned itself between the Pierce and the Soviet ships. Admiral Anderson insists it's too much of a risk to proceed with stopping the freighters. The Pierce would be a sitting duck for the sub. -Captain, force the sub to the surface for inspection. Mr. President! We're receiving reports that the ships are stopping! -Mr. President! We're receiving reports that the ships are stopping! Captain, belay that order! Bob, where's that coming from! -Captain, belay that order! Bob, where's that coming from! Just a second, Mr. President. -Just a second, Mr. President. Will somebody find out what's going on?! -Hey. Hey. Nice tie. -Hey. Nice tie. Don't get too attached. -Yeah. You're my hero, Carl. -You're my hero, Carl. Heroes ain't supposed to shake. I'm shakin', man, look at me. -Heroes ain't supposed to shake. I'm shakin', man, look at me. Breathe, Carl. Four, nice, deep ones. -Anyone stops us going in, we're with the Bowen-Hamilton Textile Company. We have rug samples. Rug samples. -Rug samples. We are one-dimensional, boring peddlers of fine carpet, Carl. -Jesus Christ, Larry, what the fu-- Larry. That's not even your name, is it? What's your real name, you fucking scumbag? Don't have one, Carl. I have a number, man. Just like the numbers on those treasury checks. You stole from your own country, Carl. Shame on you. -I thought we were staying on the reservation. Yes. Rooms thirteen and fourteen are on Indian land. -Yes. Rooms thirteen and fourteen are on Indian land. I see. -I see. Are you hungry? I have some nice raw kidney in the truck. -Are you hungry? I have some nice raw kidney in the truck. Oh, I'm set, Sir. I'm set. -Mr. Clear Moon. Our police are afraid of them. Please get them out of here. -They're going to kill me next. That's what I hear. These new Indians are destroying everything. Our people are a quiet people. They can lead us to Jimmy. Just let them go. We're tightening the net on him. We know he's on the reservation. -Now keep that between us, Dennis, cuz I don't know what kinda Johnny Law they got here. Hey, Brooks, come over here. I want you to meet a coupla fellas from Denver. -Brooks, what's a perceptive fellow like you, doing in a joint like this? Let me buy you a glass of some of that Russian shit you like. FBI? What you investigatin'? -FBI? What you investigatin'? A murder. On the reservation. -A murder. On the reservation. Again. Figures, man. -You know how in your big cities, you got your niggers and you got your Puerto Ricans? Well out here we got Indians. That's just the way it is. The only good Indian is a dead Indian, does that old adage still hold true out here? -What are you doing? James Looks Twice? -James Looks Twice? That's right. What are you doing here? This is a religious ceremony you're desecrating. -What's this about? Your good friend Leo Fast Elk. -Your good friend Leo Fast Elk. You think I killed him? Cuz he was an apple? Well, let me tell you something about Leo, Man -- -You think I killed him? Cuz he was an apple? Well, let me tell you something about Leo, Man -- "-- don't ""man"" me, Jimmy. Where's the key?" -Levoi, Cooch. Raymond Levoi, Criminal Division. Oh, yeah -- right. -Interesting bloodline you have, Ray. French, Scots-Irish, Italian, ...and one-eighth American Indian. Sioux Indian, right? -Ray, there's been a homicide out in an area known as The Badlands. Indian Reservation. It's not the first. There's been several. And our field office in Rapid City is getting a lot of heat... none of the investigations have turned up jack shit. -It's not the first. There's been several. And our field office in Rapid City is getting a lot of heat... none of the investigations have turned up jack shit. The main problem is, Ray, these people are extremely distrustful of outsiders, non-Indians. Relations have not been amicable. -The main problem is, Ray, these people are extremely distrustful of outsiders, non-Indians. Relations have not been amicable. Different culture. Hard to penetrate. The Indians don't like white cops poking around. And that's why we're in a position where we have to bring in an American Indian agent. -Taking ol' Leo somewhere? Leo's been out here too long, man. I'm taking him to ceremonial burial. -Nice piece. You come back here to cover your tracks, Geronimo? What's your name? It ain't Geronimo. -It ain't Geronimo. Who are you? -Who are you? I think maybe you guys got off the wrong exit, yeah? This is the Bear Creek Indian Reservation. -I know where I am. I'm on federal land, doing a federal investigation, and if you don't wanna cooperate you can take a ride in a federal car, and spend the rest of the day in a little room, answering federal questions. It's your call. Who are you? I'm a full blood Oglala Sioux, born and raised on this reservation. -I'm a full blood Oglala Sioux, born and raised on this reservation. You're a wise-ass. Ray check his wallet. -We got the wire ya was comin'. You're the Indian official, yeah? No. No, that's Ray, here. Ray, uh... Ray... Little Weasel. -Leo's gotta get to burial, Brother. He's gotta make the journey. What journey? -What journey? Tell him, Ray. --- an Indian Reservation is within the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of Intimidation. I know that. Good. Thank you. -Somebody must be doing something somewhere in your jurisdiction, Officer Crow Foot. You ain't gonna cut his hands off and send 'em to Washinton, are ya? They done that to one of our girls once. Leo did quillwork, he's gonna need his hands. -Respect the dead, Hoss. Because when -- -- did you understand me when I said that -- --- did you understand me when I said that -- -- violation of the Major Crimes Act on an Indian Reservation is within the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of Instigation. I know that. --- violation of the Major Crimes Act on an Indian Reservation is within the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of Instigation. I know that. Goodbye. -What the hell you doing?! His mother needs a piece of his hair. It's for the Keeping of the Souls Ceremony. Has to be kept for four days. -South Dakota... Did I do something unsatisfactory, Sir? No, Ray. You're gonna have to blame that on your grandmother. -I didn't know him, Sir. He passed away when I was six. Seven. -Those are two agents who went into a reservation a few years ago to serve a warrant. They were executed at close range. That one there is a police officer killed by the Mohawks up in Canada more recently. Jesus... -Jesus... The agents who have worked out here say its like going into Nam. Unfamiliar terrain, foreign language, foreign customs... and you never know when you might walk into a few rounds. They hold a lot of old anger for the white man out here. -Were you in Nam? Airborne. That's where they used to get us agents from. Now we get 'em from Carnegie-Melon, Ivy League. Accountants and computer whiz-kids. Yuppies with guns. That's scary shit. -"Hey, hey, hey. J. Edgar would've loved you. He'd love anybody who joined the bureau to, what was it? ""To enforce the laws of my country and protect her interests""?" You crashed my file? -You crashed my file? No. I consulted it. We're going into Indian Country, I wanna know what kind of individual is covering my ass. Don't you? -Six rounds. 357. That's what it looks like, doesn't it? But that's what a ten gauge, choke-bored, shotgun will look like when it hits your lower back from five feet away. -Somebody was serious about doing this guy, that's for sure. Ray. -This is a restricted area. Check him out, Ray. -I did. Who the fuck is he? -Who the fuck is he? -- a fucking cop. -Leo has to take the journey, Cooch. We'll have to give Leo a refund. Because he's gotta go to the M.E. In case you don't know, Officer, violation of the Major Crimes Act on -- -Leo's gonna need his hands, Cooch. He does quillwork. I think Leo's retired from quillwork for the moment. -Keeping of the souls. Do they still burn their dead or something? Beats the hell outta me. -No. That's Ray here. Ray... Ray Levoi, Sir. Pleasure. -Water. Worth killing for out here, I'd think. Get the plate numbers off everyone of these cars. -Get the plate numbers off everyone of these cars. I already did. -Couldn't sleep. Good. -Maisy Blue Legs place? How'd you know? -How'd you know? I got one up on ya. -I got one up on ya. Go ahead. -Go ahead. I've got the doer. I know who he is. -Meet me at base. Over. Cooch. You're my hero. -Who is he? One of the leaders of the Warriors of All Red Nations. Militant organization. -White eagle feather through the circle. That's their symbol. That's right. -They obviously wanted it to be known that they offed Leo. Some kind of statement. Jimmy Looks Twice put Leo's head through a glass door of the tribal offices three months ago. And threatened him several times since. President Clear Moon and the regional FBI feel he made good on that threat. -I'd just like five minutes alone with the motherfucker who hung that flag upside down. Easy, Cowboy. No vendettas on my ship. Now: remember what I told you about Nam? Watch the grass, watch the trees, watch the shit house, be on your toes, and if we get committed, don't hesitate to empty that sucker. -Easy, Cowboy. No vendettas on my ship. Now: remember what I told you about Nam? Watch the grass, watch the trees, watch the shit house, be on your toes, and if we get committed, don't hesitate to empty that sucker. Alright. Alright. -What'd she say? "She talks a lot of shit. We're not doing our job. Jimmy's innocent. ""What's the FBI really doing here."" Some shit about the Fort Laramie Treaty." -She took something from the house. What she called a medicine bundle. Most likely Jimmy's. Let's see it. -Let's see it. I gave it back to her. -That's good goddamn work, Ray. Let the salmon run. Let 'em run Upriver. Why we setting Eagle Bear up as an informant? -Why we setting Eagle Bear up as an informant? Her own people start to suspect her, it creates discord from within. The Warriors don't know who to trust, they start infighting, and Jimmy loses his support. -Her oil pan is shot. Cooch. What's the Fort Laramie Treaty? -Cooch. What's the Fort Laramie Treaty? Jesus, I don't know. You tell me. You're the Indian. -Cooch. Where the fuck did they send us? A long way from home. You be careful out there. -The right man? Talk to me, Ray. Whoever dusted Leo, dusted him from the driver's seat of a moving car then drove those eight miles to the Badlands. Jimmy Looks Twice has never been behind the wheel of a car. It's a known fact out here that he's petrified of driving. His parents were killed in a car wreck. -Genetic ditto on evidence found at the site with evidence you found in his belongings. An incontrovertible motive. And definite footprints on Jimmy Looks Twice at Maisy Blue Legs house. When did we get that? -When did we get that? Today. And now you -- there's a dog in the van -- -Today. And now you -- there's a dog in the van -- -- I know. I fed it, and I can't get rid of -- --- I know. I fed it, and I can't get rid of -- You weren't sent here to go off on your own detail, Ray. You were sent here to assist in a Selective Operations Unit. These regional agents are inept -- that's why they were sent out here to The Graveyard, to Indian Country. I need you behind me, Ray. Not pulling against me. -You weren't sent here to go off on your own detail, Ray. You were sent here to assist in a Selective Operations Unit. These regional agents are inept -- that's why they were sent out here to The Graveyard, to Indian Country. I need you behind me, Ray. Not pulling against me. I'm not trying to pull against you, Cooch. I've just been having nightmares about the way Leo was killed. -I'm not trying to pull against you, Cooch. I've just been having nightmares about the way Leo was killed. Your first homicide, that's gonna happen, Ray... -Your first homicide, that's gonna happen, Ray... I just wanna make sure no one else gets done in that way because we were in bed with the wrong doer. -I just wanna make sure no one else gets done in that way because we were in bed with the wrong doer. Ray. I never get into bed with somebody unless I know for sure. Just the way I was raised. -Alright. Alright... Yeah, alright, alright -- fuck you -- give a yuppie a badge and he wants to take over the world. Go get a tail on Eagle Bear, and stay with her. Cuz Jimmy's gonna show. And I want you to make the collar. -I'll sleep around a little. Thanks, Cooch. -Thanks, Cooch. And get rid of the dog. -Bastards... All I could think of was... not here. I don't wanna eat it on an Indian Reservation, three thousand miles from home. -All I could think of was... not here. I don't wanna eat it on an Indian Reservation, three thousand miles from home. He's out there. He's out there playing Sitting Bull with us. I want the motherfucker so bad I'm getting a bleeding ulcer. -"It may have been Maggie's way of saying ""get off my ass.""" She's that subtle? -She's that subtle? Eagle's claws and a bear's balls that's what her profile says. -Eagle's claws and a bear's balls that's what her profile says. Well, she's running now, too. These fucking people like to run, don't -- -Well, she's running now, too. These fucking people like to run, don't -- -- Cooch. Woh. Stop. -Tread matches. It's the car. Yes. -And it was full of water when I drove by here three days ago. Full. I mean... a river. The Little Walking River. You're right. This is part of it. So whoever sunk this car didn't compensate for drought. Goddamn. -Jesus, you alright? Yeah. I... I fell asleep. I can't believe it. I -- -Yeah. I... I fell asleep. I can't believe it. I -- Never turn your radio off! I thought I was gonna find you scalped! Damn it! -Never turn your radio off! I thought I was gonna find you scalped! Damn it! Sorry, Cooch. I lost Eagle Bear -- -Sorry, Cooch. I lost Eagle Bear -- -- never mind Eagle Bear. We've got Jimmy nailed. Let's go! -Listen: when we get back tomorrow, you're gonna find Tully laying a promotion on you. S.A.C. He wants to prove that his yuppie agents are making good. He's offering you New York. Tell him you want Atlanta. Why? -Why? Cuz I want New York. -You ever put your hands on me again and you'll be doing the books for a baitshop in the fucking Everglades, Mister. You didn't tell me about Red Deer Table -- -You didn't tell me about Red Deer Table -- -- what the hell is Red Deer Table? --- what the hell is Red Deer Table? What is it? It's genocide, that's what it is. It's a Pay Zone for some U.S. corporation and a Dead Zone for the people here. Uranium, Cooch. -This was a Selective Operations Unit, Agent Levoi. There is classified information pertaining to our national security. You don't question that, you don't go digging into that shit -- that's insubordination. Jesus Christ -- -- if they mine uranium there, these people will have no place left to go... --- if they mine uranium there, these people will have no place left to go... We were sworn in on the Constitution to protect federal matters, Ray. I don't know about uranium, I don't know about Red Dog Table -- all I know is we did our job. It's over. -We were sworn in on the Constitution to protect federal matters, Ray. I don't know about uranium, I don't know about Red Dog Table -- all I know is we did our job. It's over. We neutralized anybody with a voice. Leo, Jimmy... Eagle Bear. Anyone who was standing in the way of the land. Is that it? -We neutralized anybody with a voice. Leo, Jimmy... Eagle Bear. Anyone who was standing in the way of the land. Is that it? No. We neutralized enemies of the United States. Anti-American radicals who have killed federal officers out here! -Come on, Ray. Come forward. No way, Cooch. -Ray... Let the press through. -I said when can Leo be taken to ceremony? After we've completed our investigation. -What are you -- Watch out! -What?! You're steppin' on sign. -Hey. Hey, you, listen up -- -- Leo wasn't killed here. He was dumped here. Out of a vehicle. Bald tread. Muffler held on with baling wire. -Big sonuvabuck. Based on the depth of that print, pressure releases... I'd say he goes two-ten, two-fifteen -- Bullshit. -Bullshit. -- Well, maybe two-seventeen. --- Well, maybe two-seventeen. You're trying to tell me you can read all that from a track? -You're trying to tell me you can read all that from a track? No. Not just a track. You gotta listen to the trees, man. To the leaves. To this sand, you FBI's kicked all up. You gotta listen to the earth. -No. Not just a track. You gotta listen to the trees, man. To the leaves. To this sand, you FBI's kicked all up. You gotta listen to the earth. Is that right? Well, listen to this: drag your ass. This is a restricted area. -Is that right? Well, listen to this: drag your ass. This is a restricted area. No, this is the home of the Oglala Sioux and I want the dog-fucker who killed Leo. Whether you get him or I get him, I just want him. Shit's been goin' on too long. -No, this is the home of the Oglala Sioux and I want the dog-fucker who killed Leo. Whether you get him or I get him, I just want him. Shit's been goin' on too long. You've got no jurisdiction. -You've got no jurisdiction. You got no know-how. About Indian Way. Or about Jack Shit for that matter. -You got no know-how. About Indian Way. Or about Jack Shit for that matter. Maybe you're not aware of this, Crow Horse, but I just flew in from a place called the Twentieth Century where we have such things as electrostatic tracking methods, psycholingusitics, DNA fingerprinting; I don't have to crawl around with the scorpions and talk to the fucking trees to get answers. Leo was killed right here. -Maybe you're not aware of this, Crow Horse, but I just flew in from a place called the Twentieth Century where we have such things as electrostatic tracking methods, psycholingusitics, DNA fingerprinting; I don't have to crawl around with the scorpions and talk to the fucking trees to get answers. Leo was killed right here. Go back to the M.E., take a look inside Leo's exit wounds and tell me how chicken feed got in there. Trust me, there ain't chickens in the Badlands. His mother's place is -- -Go back to the M.E., take a look inside Leo's exit wounds and tell me how chicken feed got in there. Trust me, there ain't chickens in the Badlands. His mother's place is -- -- his mother never lived here. She was from up in North Dakota. --- his mother never lived here. She was from up in North Dakota. I'm talkin' his spiritual mother. Maisy Blue Legs. -I'm talkin' his spiritual mother. Maisy Blue Legs. His spiritual mother... -His spiritual mother... To us Indians, our spiritual relatives are as close as family. I've got seven mothers on this reservation. Sisters. Brothers. You ain't one of them. -To us Indians, our spiritual relatives are as close as family. I've got seven mothers on this reservation. Sisters. Brothers. You ain't one of them. Thank God. Now listen to me, asshole. I'm giving you a break. But if my partner finds out you're here, you're gonna be reading rat tracks in Sioux Falls Maximum Security. -Thank God. Now listen to me, asshole. I'm giving you a break. But if my partner finds out you're here, you're gonna be reading rat tracks in Sioux Falls Maximum Security. Easy. Easy... I'm goin'. -You're an easy man to track, Ray. Ya walk like a penguin with a hard-on. Is that right? What are the trees saying today? -Is that right? What are the trees saying today? They're sayin' that nobody's gonna talk to you cuz they don't give away one of their own. But they did say there's somebody way across the Little Walking River who wants to talk to you. -He sent me to find ya. He says he's got information. Let's go. -Grandpa Samuel Reaches. Heavy duty medicine. Medicine. As in medicine man? -Why does he wanna see me? Good question. Hardly sees anybody anymore. Hasn't left this place in twenty years. Did you bring some tobacco? -What did he say? He wants to know if you ever watch the Cookie Monster. He says the Cookie Monster is not to be trusted -- a trickster. -But he is not unhappy with you because he knows you. He knows me? -He knows me? He says he saw you in a vision some time ago. -What's he smoke in that? Sacred herbs. Tobacco. Don't worry, we don't smoke no Mexican agriculture in The Pipe. That's a white man's myth. This is a sacrament. -What did he say? He said he doesn't know. -He said he doesn't know. He just did the Gettysburg Address in Sioux. What did he say? -What was he saying? Why should I tell you. -Why should I tell you. Because he was talking to me. -The old man saw an owl. Over there in the dry wash. Last week. And... -And... He saw an owl. -So what? The owl is a messenger. When one shows itself to a Sioux... it means someone's gonna die. The owl told him about Leo. -The owl told him about Leo. That's incredible. I guess we just broke the back of this investigation, didn't we? Evidence doesn't get any harder than that -- not for my money. Is there anyway we can seduce this owl into Federal Court? "He also said ""listen to the water.""" -"He also said ""listen to the water.""" Listen to the water. Listen to the owl. He also said, don't trust the fucking Cookie Monster. -Listen to the water. Listen to the owl. He also said, don't trust the fucking Cookie Monster. Go back to your DNA finger-printin'. -Don't be mad. That was just an old traditional gesture that means hello, how are you. I see. Forgive my cultural ignorance. -Jimmy didn't do it, Ray. I checked it out. You can stop taggin' my sister. She's your sister? -So did this one. Wambli is a rare and sacred creature. When someone finds a dead one, the feathers get around the res. We share everything. A lot of power in the eagle feathers. But you think that's bullshit too, don't -- -- Leo Fast Elk was sitting in the outhouse at Maisy Blue Legs when a car pulled into the yard. He came out, approached the vehicle then saw that the man behind the wheel was Jimmy. He tried to get back into the trailer, but the car came highballing at him. He started running for the open grass. With the car moving, Jimmy hung his shotgun out the window, took aim -- missed once, hitting the shitter -- fired again, and severed Leo's spine. Leo fell, rolled, and came to a stop in the grass. And some chicken feed. Stale chicken feed with four days mold. Electromagnetic printing. -Was-te. 'Cept for one thing. Jimmy Looks Twice was nowhere near there. Ya see, when Jimmy was twelve years old, his mother and father was killed in a car wreck right down there near Elk Mountain. I don't see the connection. -I don't see the connection. The connection is, it did a head number on him. He's petrified of cars. Won't drive. I've known him all my life, and he's never gotten behind the wheel of a vehicle. He rides passenger and he rides horses, and that's it. The man that shot Leo down was behind the wheel of a moving car. -That's not solid. You want solid? That one, single, print he left in the Badlands -- the one the FBI missed and then stepped all over -- it belongs to a man who walks heels first. Like a white man. Jimmy has a serious Ind'n walk -- ball of the foot first. The man who murdered Leo walked like a Wasi'cu. -The old man? He's gonna tell you who killed Leo? Go catch Jimmy, Ray. Really. He's gettin' away. Go ahead, go get him. I'm late. -Go catch Jimmy, Ray. Really. He's gettin' away. Go ahead, go get him. I'm late. Hey. Hey, those are my sunglasses you're wearing. -Hey. Hey, those are my sunglasses you're wearing. Grandpa traded with me. Goodbye. -I can't do that, It's a Rolex. A what? -Red Deer Table, Ray. Don't tell me: heavy duty. -Don't tell me: heavy duty. Heavy, heavy duty. Taku Wakan. Wanagi Spirits. It's one of those few places we'd never go to as kids. Still don't. Some of the old people say Crazy Horse is buried back there. We have to go Ray. Together. Like his vision. -Walter. When I fill out my 302, do I say that evil spirits are killing everybody on the reservation? Ray -- -Ray -- -- no. No offense to the old man. I appreciate you trying to help. But I put my ass on the line coming out here, man. --- no. No offense to the old man. I appreciate you trying to help. But I put my ass on the line coming out here, man. What'd you expect to hear? -What'd you expect to hear? Not Native American myths and legends. I'm with the FBI, Walter, remember? Not National Geographic. -Not Native American myths and legends. I'm with the FBI, Walter, remember? Not National Geographic. What you call myths, we call our history. -What you call myths, we call our history. It's not real. -It's not real. What's real to you? Wall Street? Capital Hill? Now they are myths. -What's real to you? Wall Street? Capital Hill? Now they are myths. I can't be dicking around here. That's all I'm saying. I don't carry crystals, I don't wanna come back in another life. I just wanna do my job, and do it right, and get the fuck outta here. -I can't be dicking around here. That's all I'm saying. I don't carry crystals, I don't wanna come back in another life. I just wanna do my job, and do it right, and get the fuck outta here. You ain't no Indian. You're a Sal Mineo Indian. -Take care of yourself, Walter. Likewise. -Agent Little Weasel, Federal Bura of your Imagination. Jesus Christ. You're hammered. What are you doing? -Jesus Christ. You're hammered. What are you doing? You're right about the old man. His power's long dried up. He's supposed to be a medicine man but he won't go see the people. He says we changed, and we don't listen. Well, he don't go out and talk no more. I haven't had a drink in three years but I just turned my sobriety chip into that man behind the bar, and this Hoss is gettin' watered. -You're right about the old man. His power's long dried up. He's supposed to be a medicine man but he won't go see the people. He says we changed, and we don't listen. Well, he don't go out and talk no more. I haven't had a drink in three years but I just turned my sobriety chip into that man behind the bar, and this Hoss is gettin' watered. Cut the shit. You shouldn't be in here, Man. -Cut the shit. You shouldn't be in here, Man. Cuz I'm a skin? -Cuz I'm a skin? Cuz you're a cop. -Cuz you're a cop. Not no more. -Not no more. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? You tell me. You tell me who went to the B.I.A. -- Bureau of Indian Annihilation and said I was messin' with your case, man. I don't give a goddamn about your case. -You tell me. You tell me who went to the B.I.A. -- Bureau of Indian Annihilation and said I was messin' with your case, man. I don't give a goddamn about your case. And I don't give a goddamn about whether you wear a badge or not, Crow Horse, but I didn't cut you. -Still after Jimmy? They found prints at Blue Legs' place. -They found prints at Blue Legs' place. Yeah. Jimmy's prints are there. But they cross over Benjamin Black Star's prints. And he wasn't there until six o'clock the mornin' after to get eggs from the chickens. So Jimmy wasn't there til the next day. Follow? -Next time I'll be ready. You get the word to who ever it is. I can't, Hoss. I don't talk to FBI's. -You think you was sent here cuz you're a good cop? No. I was sent here cuz I'm Indian. And a good cop. -Five-hundred year old turtleshell rattle... Crow Horse, listen -- -Crow Horse, listen -- Where's Maggie? Where'd ya take her. -Where's Maggie? Where'd ya take her. Nowhere. I'm trying to find her. -Nowhere. I'm trying to find her. You got Jimmy. Let her go. -You got Jimmy. Let her go. Crow Horse, listen. You have to come with me. -Crow Horse, listen. You have to come with me. Why? So you can get rid of me, too? -Why? So you can get rid of me, too? No. So we can do what the old man said. Red Deer Table, Walter. We have to go. -Do they come in dreams, these visions? Oh yeah. Dreams. Sometimes durin' sickness. Vision quest. Sweat Lodge. Ya never know when. -Oh yeah. Dreams. Sometimes durin' sickness. Vision quest. Sweat Lodge. Ya never know when. Just before we caught Jimmy... I had a dream that I was being chased. And I was running with other people. Old- fashion Indian people. I got shot in the back. Like Leo. -Where was this? At Wounded Knee. I mean, that's where I was, and that's where the dream was. Why? -At Wounded Knee. I mean, that's where I was, and that's where the dream was. Why? You were running with the old ones. At The Knee. Heavy duty. -You were running with the old ones. At The Knee. Heavy duty. Well, it was just a dream, I -- -Well, it was just a dream, I -- Sonuvabuck! What's with you, Man? Who are you? -Sonuvabuck! What's with you, Man? Who are you? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Nothin'. Forget it. -You had a vision. You had yourself a vision. A man waits a long time for a vision. Might go his whole lifetime and never get one. And along comes some instant Indian with a Mastercard and brand-new shoes, has himself a vision. Sorry. -Sorry. I'm a full-blood Oglala. -I'm a full-blood Oglala. We've driven a long way. Where is this place? -We've driven a long way. Where is this place? Maybe it was just a dream. Ya know, just one of them, what do ya call 'em, fitful dreams? -Maybe it was just a dream. Ya know, just one of them, what do ya call 'em, fitful dreams? Yeah. Fitful dreams. -Bullshit. You had a vision. You got sign from the old ones. What the hell do you want me to do?! -What the hell do you want me to do?! Stop. -What's that? Ain't prayer flags, that's for sure. -Jesus. Oil? Uranium. Test holes. Somebody came in from the Nebraska side, and did some shotgun testin'. They're gettin' ready to suck this baby dry. -Uranium. Test holes. Somebody came in from the Nebraska side, and did some shotgun testin'. They're gettin' ready to suck this baby dry. 1868... -1868... What? -What? That's what we're doing here. National interest. National security. Only this time it's not gold. It's uranium. -That's what we're doing here. National interest. National security. Only this time it's not gold. It's uranium. We're standin' on broken treaty ground, Ray. This ain't supposed to be here. It'll poison the water. -We're standin' on broken treaty ground, Ray. This ain't supposed to be here. It'll poison the water. Leo knew about it. Tried to tell Jimmy, get the Warriors involved. -Leo knew about it. Tried to tell Jimmy, get the Warriors involved. So they took care of Leo. -So they took care of Leo. Listen to the water... the river keeps goin' down then rising again. -This Clear Moon's house? Yeah. It's time to beat the drum. You better wait here. He don't trust the white man. -Alright. Shit's comin' down. He's callin' council fire. All the old chiefs and the warriors, too. I gotta be at Grandpa's place in two hours. We need to get the tribe together. We need to block this thing. What we need... is Richard Yellow Bird. -I thought it was a rare case of a brother getting a break in the courts. We did an honorin' song for him and everything. He's looking at a few hundred years in Leavenworth. He's not gonna come out without a fight. -Ray. Ray, don't let go now, Man. Ray... You go to the council fire. I'm going back in. -You go to the council fire. I'm going back in. Ray. -Ain't no Council Fire, Brother. Clear Moon... I know. Come on. We gotta get off the reservation or we're dead. -I know. Come on. We gotta get off the reservation or we're dead. Hoka Hey. It's a good day to die. -Hoka Hey. It's a good day to die. Bullshit, let's get outta here, -He's gone. He hasn't left this place in twenty years. They got him. -They got us sealed. What are we gonna do? We're going for The Stronghold. -That's it. The Stronghold. Get us in there, we got a chance. We're in there. We're in there -- -What about the water... You bought her some time, Kola. Ain't never gonna be over... but you bought her some time. -You bought her some time, Kola. Ain't never gonna be over... but you bought her some time. Some Indian time? -I'll have to see what the visions say about that one. You didn't have another vision... -You take care. If you ever need a place to come back to and listen to the trees a little... we'll be here. -You're the Indian FBI. That's right. Turn around. -This Jimmy's? You're not gonna catch him. He can shape-shift into different animals. Bear. Elk. Porcupine. -You're not gonna catch him. He can shape-shift into different animals. Bear. Elk. Porcupine. Is that like an hereditary thing, Magdelana, or can one take classes? -Is that like an hereditary thing, Magdelana, or can one take classes? Jimmy didn't kill Leo. Why do you wanna do this? -Jimmy didn't kill Leo. Why do you wanna do this? He tried to kill him twice before. That's a good place to start don't ya think? Leo was on the other side, wasn't he? -He tried to kill him twice before. That's a good place to start don't ya think? Leo was on the other side, wasn't he? -- Leo was an apple, that's right. Red on the outside, white on the inside. And Jimmy hated him. Kicked his ass a coupla times. But he didn't kill him. --- Leo was an apple, that's right. Red on the outside, white on the inside. And Jimmy hated him. Kicked his ass a coupla times. But he didn't kill him. Who did? -Who did? You're the FBI. That's your job, isn't it? Ya know how many of our Warrior brothers got killed out here? I never saw any investigating then. Why now? What's going down here? -You're the FBI. That's your job, isn't it? Ya know how many of our Warrior brothers got killed out here? I never saw any investigating then. Why now? What's going down here? A Fugitive Alert for a murder suspect. Before somebody else gets a shotgun blast in the spine. -A Fugitive Alert for a murder suspect. Before somebody else gets a shotgun blast in the spine. Try the Fort Laramie Treaty. All over again. -Look. You and I can stand here in a culture clash til the sun comes up, talking about what's right and what's wrong. You're from the reservation. It's a different world. I'm from Minneapolis. Fifth Street. I did four years at Dartmouth before I ever set foot on this res. So I know about the other world, Ray. -Thank you. When you see Jimmy, tell him the sooner he turns himself back into a human being and gives himself in... the sooner we back off this reservation. Okay? -Grandpa Reaches says you come from heavy Indian blood. I used to think Grandpa was gettin' senile. Now I know he is. Move it, Magdelana. -You burned an American flag today. And left it for me... -- You desecrated it, it had to be burned. --- You desecrated it, it had to be burned. I desecrated it? -I desecrated it? You forced an innocent man to run like an animal. You've tried to poison my people's hearts against me with your manipulation, with letters I never wrote... you've been watching me eat, work, raise my family... wash myself in the river. And now you're here, arresting me at a sacred place. In your eyes, that's power. -Your relatives must've taught you something. NO. My father never told anybody he had Indian blood. But he still used a few Indian words around the house. He called me Washee. Said it meant... good boy. -What? Wa-shee is like... a dumpling. Like tallow we put in stew. I think he was calling you chubby boy. -Wa-shee is like... a dumpling. Like tallow we put in stew. I think he was calling you chubby boy. Great. -X21, give me a 20. Black Tail District, X22. You ready for this? Leo wasn't killed in the Badlands. I... I found the location. -X22. Read. Go ahead, Ray. -Go ahead, Ray. I have a pick-up truck. No plates. Subject -- Indian -- entering suspect's house. Over. -I have a pick-up truck. No plates. Subject -- Indian -- entering suspect's house. Over. Okay, Ray. I'm coming in. If he starts to leave the area, move in. And hold him. Over. -No plates. No registration. Serial numbers removed. And all prints washed off by the river. That's great. This is turning out to be a walk in the park, do you know that? Come back? -Come back? Never mind. -Ray. X22. I read, Cooch. -I read, Cooch. Remember that upside down flag back at Jimmy's house? Somebody took it down. -Remember that upside down flag back at Jimmy's house? Somebody took it down. Good. -Good. They took it down, set fire to it, and threw it on the doorstep of room 13 at the Buffalo Butte Motel. Your room. -X21. Come back. Ray. What's your 20? -What are you doing on the reservation? I'm on my way back in. Over. -Yellow bird... is gonna sing. Yellow Bird committed suicide at three o'clock this morning. Some gung-ho agent from D.C. pushed him into a corner. You're playing a losing game. Pull over. -Ray... Mister Tully. -Mister Tully. Do you want a coffee? -Do you want a coffee? No. No, no. Thank you. -I'm not that sure. Yeah, I think -- -- yes, Teton Sioux. Father's side. -With an Indian representative out there, we hope to keep hostilities dormant; this is a COINTELPRO, Selective Operations Unit, and it'll be easier on Agent Couture if you can gain the people's trust and maybe -- Woh, excuse me, Sir... I see what you're saying... I've got a little Indian blood, that's true. But -- I am not an... an Indian. I can't just go in and -- -Woh, excuse me, Sir... I see what you're saying... I've got a little Indian blood, that's true. But -- I am not an... an Indian. I can't just go in and -- -- your father was part Sioux. -What ya want? Must be a bitch getting around in that wheelchair. How long you been in it? -Must be a bitch getting around in that wheelchair. How long you been in it? Since I got a iron pipe put across my knees, man. Fight with three wasi'cus, ya know. -Since I got a iron pipe put across my knees, man. Fight with three wasi'cus, ya know. At Sioux Falls Pen? -At Sioux Falls Pen? No, that was Leavenworth. This -- was Sioux Falls. What ya want? -No, that was Leavenworth. This -- was Sioux Falls. What ya want? Leavenworth a tough joint? -You ever try solitary confinement? No. Can't say that I have, Richard. Richard do you know why I'm here? -No. Can't say that I have, Richard. Richard do you know why I'm here? Washington sent ya. I know that. -Washington sent ya. I know that. Yes, Washington sent me, Richard. They sent me here because this whole thing has been fucked. Do you know what I mean when I say this whole thing has been fucked, Richard? -Not for long, Richard. You got early parole under the stipulation that you would help us in a situation, and you didn't deliver. What the fuck you talkin' about? -Get up out of the chair, Richard. What's with you people? Why do ya have to fuck with my head all the time? I came through, man. -What's with you people? Why do ya have to fuck with my head all the time? I came through, man. Get up out of the chair, and walk toward the backdoor, Richard. -Get up out of the chair, and walk toward the backdoor, Richard. I get thrown in solitary until I don't know my own fuckin' name, and then you people tell me I can beat nine years if I help you. I helped you! -I get thrown in solitary until I don't know my own fuckin' name, and then you people tell me I can beat nine years if I help you. I helped you! Get up! -They said I'd never see FBI again, and I'm livin' with you fuckers. I don't feed ya information on the Warriors, it's back to the pen. I don't do this, back to the pen. Your word against my word. Against a con Indian's word. I really got a chance, man, right? They sent me here, Richard because they said you didn't hold up your end of the arrangement, and I have to transport you back to Leavenworth. -They sent me here, Richard because they said you didn't hold up your end of the arrangement, and I have to transport you back to Leavenworth. What the fuck, man? What do you people want? I did what you wasi'cu's told me to do. -What the fuck, man? What do you people want? I did what you wasi'cu's told me to do. Leo Fast Elk... is alive. -No way. No fuckin' way. How the hell do you know? -How the hell do you know? I blew his back out with a buffalo gun, that's how I know! Now you're gonna say I didn't, so you can throw me back in solitary? -The men who came to see you at Leavenworth. The one's who made the arrangement... who were they? Maybe I can talk to them. Miles. Three other suits. That's all I know 'em as -- suits. Were you there? -Miles. Three other suits. That's all I know 'em as -- suits. Were you there? You turned Leo over on his face. But the coyotes must've turned him back over, man, cuz his spirit is out. It's out, and it knows. -You turned Leo over on his face. But the coyotes must've turned him back over, man, cuz his spirit is out. It's out, and it knows. What do you know about spirits? You ain't no In'dn. -What do you know about spirits? You ain't no In'dn. Leo knew something heavy and was trying to tell Jimmy. But you must not know how serious it was or you would have delivered. Do you realize what Leo could have told Jimmy?! Do you?! -Leo knew something heavy and was trying to tell Jimmy. But you must not know how serious it was or you would have delivered. Do you realize what Leo could have told Jimmy?! Do you?! I took him out before he got the chance. He didn't say nothin' about Tashka Sha. And now his spirit is in the dirt. Forever. -I took him out before he got the chance. He didn't say nothin' about Tashka Sha. And now his spirit is in the dirt. Forever. What's Tashka Sha, speak English, speak English! -What's Tashka Sha, speak English, speak English! Red Deer Table! What's with you, man? -Keep talking, Yellow Bird... All I know... is I did what I did... and I ain't in solitary, gettin' pumped up with downer, gettin' beat to shit. But I tell you what, Suit. Take me back. Cuz I can't take this shit no more. -I'll bet! Uhhh...Anything I can do for you? She laughs again, doesn't know what it is...could be chemical, but she's instinctively attracted. -Uhhh...Anything I can do for you? She laughs again, doesn't know what it is...could be chemical, but she's instinctively attracted. Yeah. Hold this. It might be safer. -Now I know why all the girls come here. They know how horny you guys get. But this...is ridiculous. It's not that. -It isn't? Well, it is. It is that, too. -Well, it is. It is that, too. That's a big comfort to me. -That's a big comfort to me. I could be, too. -I could be, too. How so? -How so? Save you from a big mistake with that other guy. -Save you from a big mistake with that other guy. And on to a bigger one with you? -Yeah, most likely. Was there ever a girl who didn't like fighter pilots? -Was there ever a girl who didn't like fighter pilots? I heard of one once. -Can I walk you out?She turns back to him, a smile. I'm with someone. -I thought he'd never leave. Yeow! -Everybody's got to be somewhere. What if Captain Dawson had come with me? -What if Captain Dawson had come with me? It would have been really embarrassing! -It would have been really embarrassing! How did you know this was my car? -How did you know this was my car? Simple deduction. It's fast. It's pretty. Sleek and stylish...It's your color...matches your lipstick. -Simple deduction. It's fast. It's pretty. Sleek and stylish...It's your color...matches your lipstick. That's all! -That's all! And I asked someone. CHARLIE You think you're pretty smart. -I beg your pardon. No, I beg yours. But I don't think you're right on that. -No, I beg yours. But I don't think you're right on that. Why not? -Why not? I saw one. -I saw one. You saw a MiG 21? -You saw a MiG 21? I saw a MiG do a 4 G negative dive. -I saw a MiG do a 4 G negative dive. Where did you see that? -Where did you see that? It's classified. -It's what? It's classified. Like Hollywood says, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. -Lieutenant, I have a top secret clearance. The Pentagon sees to it that I know more than you. Not in this case. CHARLIE You saw a MiG push negative 4G? -Not in this case. CHARLIE You saw a MiG push negative 4G? Yes, ma'am. -Yes, ma'am. Where were you? -Where were you? On his six. -He was in a 4G Negative dive and you were on his six? Yes, ma'am, At first. Then I was directly above him. -If you were directly above him, how did you see him? I was inverted. -Two. Two miles. -Two miles. Two meters. -The what? You know. The finger. -It never came up. You let me make a fool of myself. -You let me make a fool of myself. You seemed determined to do that anyway.. Why didn't you tell me you were a famous MiG insulter? MAVERICK Would it have made a difference? -You seemed determined to do that anyway.. Why didn't you tell me you were a famous MiG insulter? MAVERICK Would it have made a difference? No. -No. What would? -What would? You know, I'm assigned to this school. I see sixteen new hotshots every eight weeks. Your attention is flattering, but not really productive. Why don't you keep your mind on flying. -What would you say, too fast...too quick... And far too aggressive. -And far too aggressive. It is combat. Every second counts. -Well, what you need...what you have to keep looking for...what you want to get is a wingman who can stay up with you. Who can match you move for move. Then you've got something. I'm sorry. For what? -For what? That stuff about the MiG. I was out of line. -That stuff about the MiG. I was out of line. Apology acknowledged. -Apology acknowledged. Is that all? CHARLIE What else do you want? -Is that all? CHARLIE What else do you want? Um. You. -Um. You. There you go with those moves again. -There you go with those moves again. Too aggressive? -Too aggressive? I don't mix with the boys. I work here. Let's keep it professional. -I don't mix with the boys. I work here. Let's keep it professional. I'm special. -I'm special. Yes. I'll give you that! -Yes. I'll give you that! Give me a break, I'm asking you out. -I can't. I thought there was something... That night in the club... -I thought there was something... That night in the club... Lieutenant... -Lieutenant... Evan... or Maverick. -Evan... or Maverick. Maverick...you know the rules of engagement. -Maverick...you know the rules of engagement. The what? -The what? Some one comes up hot on your six, what do you do? -Some one comes up hot on your six, what do you do? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? You turn into him, check him out, identify friend or foe. -You turn into him, check him out, identify friend or foe. I'm not your foe. CHARLIE And if he's harmless, you disengage. -I'm not your foe. CHARLIE And if he's harmless, you disengage. Harmless! -Harmless! Uh hum. -Uh hum. What if he's not? -What if he's not? You have to shoot him down....If he's smart, he'll turn away before that happens. -And probably never again. It's nothing personal. It's just...I know a lot of pilots. Maybe I'm immune... Don't worry, I'm a new strain. And I don't give up. Everything I've ever wanted I've had to work like hell for. Well, how about it? -Don't worry, I'm a new strain. And I don't give up. Everything I've ever wanted I've had to work like hell for. Well, how about it? How about what? -How about what? How about anything, anything you want to do. -How about anything, anything you want to do. Hard to argue with that, isn't it... -Hard to argue with that, isn't it... A date... Coffee... A drink...A walk in the park. -A date... Coffee... A drink...A walk in the park. What about the plane? -What about the plane? What plane. -What plane. Most of them invite me to sit in the cockpit...play with the levers and things. MAVERICK Well, get used to it. -Most of them invite me to sit in the cockpit...play with the levers and things. MAVERICK Well, get used to it. Used to what? -Used to what? I'm different. -I'm different. I'm starting to sense that now. -Let's make it at eight. Make what? -Make what? Anything. -Anything. Okay, anything. Just...go. I've gotta work. -It dies. We live. You're an animal. -You're an animal. That's true. What are you? -That's true. What are you? I don't enjoy watching things suffer. -No! It's not suffering anymore. -It's not suffering anymore. You're horrible -You're horrible You're not, cause you eat frozen meatballs? Things die. Every time you breathe, you kill millions of tiny organisms. Every time you eat, something had to die. -You're not, cause you eat frozen meatballs? Things die. Every time you breathe, you kill millions of tiny organisms. Every time you eat, something had to die. You don't have to kill it. -You don't have to kill it. Somebody does. It's more honest this way. You do your own dirty work. -Somebody does. It's more honest this way. You do your own dirty work. You ever think about killing another human being? -You ever think about killing another human being? About as much as they think about killing me. -Does it bother you? They know the rules... That's the deal. That's why you're up there. It's him or me. That's the price of admission. It bothers you, why? You're part of it. Everybody dies. Most people don't get to die for something. -You know what really scares me? Living too long. Losing my hair and my teeth...and my guts and my wind. And my brains...Sitting in a room with my hands in my lap, watching daytime TV. You don't believe any of this. You don't think you'll ever die. -You don't believe any of this. You don't think you'll ever die. That's it, of course. When I'm up there and doing it, I'm cheating it every second. I'm subverting all laws...gravity...whatever. I'm skating the edge of it. -That's it, of course. When I'm up there and doing it, I'm cheating it every second. I'm subverting all laws...gravity...whatever. I'm skating the edge of it. Winston Churchill. -"What he said...""There's nothing so exhilarating as being shot at without result.""" All you've got is one life. I guess it's worth about the same to every body. You ever see an old woman after her husband has died? And the meaningless years of decline stretch ahead... When you're in the air and doing something really dangerous, you can look ahead... maybe ten seconds. That's your whole future. That's as far as it goes. But imagine what those seconds are worth. -All you've got is one life. I guess it's worth about the same to every body. You ever see an old woman after her husband has died? And the meaningless years of decline stretch ahead... When you're in the air and doing something really dangerous, you can look ahead... maybe ten seconds. That's your whole future. That's as far as it goes. But imagine what those seconds are worth. What if you kill yourself? Think of everything you'll miss. MAVERICK There is lots of stuff I don't know about... Fine wine... great art... the opera. I guess if I live long enough, I'll get to it. If I don't, I'll never miss it. -What if you kill yourself? Think of everything you'll miss. MAVERICK There is lots of stuff I don't know about... Fine wine... great art... the opera. I guess if I live long enough, I'll get to it. If I don't, I'll never miss it. Are you really that brave? -Are you really that brave? I watched my mother die. Cancer. She had a long time to think about it. They say you reach an agreement with death. Come to accept the fact that pretty soon you won't be here. I didn't see that. She... was very brave...braver than I am. You go up there, there isn't time to think. If you make a mistake, you're just a smudge on the ground. Simplifies funeral arrangements. -I watched my mother die. Cancer. She had a long time to think about it. They say you reach an agreement with death. Come to accept the fact that pretty soon you won't be here. I didn't see that. She... was very brave...braver than I am. You go up there, there isn't time to think. If you make a mistake, you're just a smudge on the ground. Simplifies funeral arrangements. It's just as I thought. -It's just as I thought. What? -You're totally insane. Thanks very much. Care for some suchi?. -Come on. Where? -Where? You want to go ballistic? -You want to go ballistic? I don't know. I don't like being out of control. -I always wanted to fly... ever since I first saw a jet. I wanted to fly jets, then I wanted F-14's, then I wanted to fly off carriers, then I wanted Top Gun. And now? -And now? And now I want you. -And now I want you. You always get what you want? -You always get what you want? I don't know yet. -I want it understood. Anything. -Anything. No fooling on base, no signs, no comments, no talk. By anyone. -No fooling on base, no signs, no comments, no talk. By anyone. Why? -Why? I'm a professional. You guys are in my line of work. -Food...and you...my F-14! In that order? -In that order? Well no...inverse order. -Well no...inverse order. I'm still second best. -I'm still second best. You ever fly an F-14? -You ever fly an F-14? I don't fly in anything that doesn't show movies. -Danger? . Yeah! -. Yeah! Doesn't it ever bother you? -Doesn't it ever bother you? Why, what's gonna happen? -Lucky charm. What do you take me for? It's a Navy Cross. -What do you take me for? It's a Navy Cross. Just good luck. -Just good luck. Where'd you get it. -Where'd you get it. Pawn shop. What's to eat? -...they say you're alright. I'm fine. -I'm fine. This is it, then. -This is it, then. What? -What? The dark side. The price you pay for all the fun you're having. You knew about it, of course. Didn't you? -The dark side. The price you pay for all the fun you're having. You knew about it, of course. Didn't you? He was a friend of mine. A good guy...great guy. It was my fault. -He was a friend of mine. A good guy...great guy. It was my fault. That's not what I hear. -That's not what I hear. I was flying...my responsibility. -I was flying...my responsibility. That's what you get flight pay for. -That's what you get flight pay for. Maybe I shouldn't take it. -Maybe I shouldn't take it. Why? You act like you didn't know one day this would happen. -Why? You act like you didn't know one day this would happen. Not to me. -Not to me. You knew it. You all do. It's part of it. Maybe the most important part. -Where are we? Where are we? You know where we are. It's called the beach. It's where life first crawled up out of the sea. I come here sometimes... when I feel like crawling back in. -Where are we? You know where we are. It's called the beach. It's where life first crawled up out of the sea. I come here sometimes... when I feel like crawling back in. You don't have to do this. -You don't have to do this. Do what, show you a good time? -Do what, show you a good time? I'm not good company. I should be alone. -I'm not good company. I should be alone. I don't think so, but if that's what you want... -No. What do you want? -What do you want? I want it back. -I want it back. What? -What? Yesterday. -You look way out there. Out past the date line. West becomes East, all things change. You cross the line...today becomes yesterday...or tomorrow, I forget which. That's what I want. -That's what I want. Of course the line's just imaginary. You can cross it twenty times...nothing really changes. -You don't believe that. Hardly ever. -Hardly ever. Only when you're depressed. Then it passes. -Only when you're depressed. Then it passes. It does. -It does. Everything passes. Immutable law of the Universe. -What do you do when you come here? I sit. I think. I play games. -I sit. I think. I play games. What kind of games? -What kind of games? "I like to play ""reality""." -How do you play reality. It's strip reality, actually, like what the pilots always want to play. -It's strip reality, actually, like what the pilots always want to play. Strip reality! How do you play that? -Strip reality! How do you play that? It's like strip poker, only, without the bluffing. One person says something and if the other one accepts that it's true, the one who says it, gets to take one item of clothing off. -It's like strip poker, only, without the bluffing. One person says something and if the other one accepts that it's true, the one who says it, gets to take one item of clothing off. You're crazy. That's a pretty silly game. -You're crazy. That's a pretty silly game. Not as silly as some. You know the silliest one? ...that we are gods. That we control events on the beach... that we can turn back time... -Want to play the game? How does it go? -How does it go? You say the truth. Go ahead. Don't be afraid. You want to win the game, don'tcha? -You say the truth. Go ahead. Don't be afraid. You want to win the game, don'tcha? What truth? -What truth? The big one. The one that's most on your mind. -Goose is dead. True. -True. Now? -Now? Take something off. -Take something off. Off me or off you? -Off me or off you? That's up to you. -What does it mean? That wasn't fair. It was a question. Penalty round! -You didn't mean it. You didn't think. You'd do anything to take it back. That's three. -That's three. And that's one! -One more. Your watch. -Looks like a tie. Who's gonna win? -Who's gonna win? We'll say it together. On the count of three...One...two... -You weren't gonna say goodbye? I was, later. -I was, later. Long distance? I wouldn't do that to you. I'd at least talk to you. -Long distance? I wouldn't do that to you. I'd at least talk to you. I didn't want to see you. I mean, I did...but I didn't.. -I didn't want to see you. I mean, I did...but I didn't.. I know exactly what you mean. -I know exactly what you mean. How could you? -How could you? "I've got a gift just like you do. My gift is I just know what people mean, even if they can't say it. It helps when you're trying to communicate with fighter pilots. Like what you just said was ""I'm embarrassed, I feel I've done something wrong, that I've failed, and I don't think I can live up to the expectations of a wonderful interesting, intelligent woman like yourself."" That about it?" -"I've got a gift just like you do. My gift is I just know what people mean, even if they can't say it. It helps when you're trying to communicate with fighter pilots. Like what you just said was ""I'm embarrassed, I feel I've done something wrong, that I've failed, and I don't think I can live up to the expectations of a wonderful interesting, intelligent woman like yourself."" That about it?" ...Something like that. -And I'm gonna sneak off, and be by myself for awhile, like until I can think of a new career...hotel management or something... Big talk for someone who's never been shot off her computer. -Big talk for someone who's never been shot off her computer. Hey, I never said I was a fighter pilot...I never claimed to think it was fun to be shot off the end of a ship in a storm. I can find contentment in a good book. I don't have to roar by someone at Mach two with my hair on fire. Sometimes...I just get happy being with the right man. -Hey, I never said I was a fighter pilot...I never claimed to think it was fun to be shot off the end of a ship in a storm. I can find contentment in a good book. I don't have to roar by someone at Mach two with my hair on fire. Sometimes...I just get happy being with the right man. I hope you find him. -I hope you find him. I think I have... I could be wrong. I have been before. Just remember one thing. If you're not Top Gun, if you're not fighting jets, you're not gonna be able to act like a fighter pilot... You're gonna have to act like the rest of us. You're gonna have to master humility. For you guys, that's the toughest maneuver of all. -Well? Well what? -Well what? You got your F-14, you got Top Gun, you got your MiGs....You're our new Top Gun instructor...Now what? -You got your F-14, you got Top Gun, you got your MiGs....You're our new Top Gun instructor...Now what? Oh...I'll think of something... What are you doing here? -Oh...I'll think of something... What are you doing here? I live here, remember? -I live here, remember? Right on the flight line? -Well... What is it? Sir. You are going to give me a warning, Sir! -Yes sir. I do, Sir. Well? -Well? Sir. I was going Mach point one five. -One SIXTH the speed of sound! Yes sir. -Yes sir. Lieutenant... What do you... usually fly? -Lieutenant... What do you... usually fly? F-14's sir. -F-14's sir. Tomcats? -Tomcats? Yes sir! -Lieutenant... Is there... a Russian attack? No sir! But you have to be ready. -Yes, Sergeant? Remember one thing. -Remember one thing. Sir? -Sir? Outside of this gate... I...am Top Gun. -Outside of this gate... I...am Top Gun. Yes sir! -Can't shake him. WHAT'S MIG ONE DOING? -WHAT'S MIG ONE DOING? Maintaining course. Straight for Mustang. -I'LL LOCK ON THEM, COUGAR. Gotcha covered, don't nobody move. I'M UP HERE TOO, MAVERICK. -I'M UP HERE TOO, MAVERICK. ROGER, COUGAR. Okay boys, pull out with your hands up and nobody'll get hurt. -WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? EVERYBODY'S GOT TO BE SOMEWHERE. ..NOW WE'RE RIGHT WITH YOU. YOU ARE INVERTED. ROLL IT, COUGAR. -MAVERICK. YEAH, COUGAR? -YOU BETTER NOT BE RAGGING ME... IF YOU'RE FLYING UPSIDE DOWN... NO JOKE, COUGAR. ON THE LEVEL. EVEN I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU. -NO JOKE, COUGAR. ON THE LEVEL. EVEN I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU. I'M UPSIDE DOWN. I KNOW IT. I'M GONNA EJECT. -I've got a six strobe. I think he's locked on us. It's a MiG 21. They don't have radar missiles! -It's a MiG 21. They don't have radar missiles! Let's hope you're right! -Let's hope you're right! What is he doing? -What is he doing? He's pissing me off! -That's missile lock! He better be kidding! -He better be kidding! Lordy! Eyeball to Asshole. Hope nobody burps! -We're locked on MiG ONE. Why doesn't he disengage? These guys are getting on my nerves. -Hey, if it was easy, everybody would want to come up here and do it..... Instead of just us. You. -Help me with this one, I'm really screwed up. Bring it left. Bring it left, You're high. -Bring it left. Bring it left, You're high. This is crazy! -This is crazy! What is? -What is? Wait! Hell!..Something's wrong! -Wait! Hell!..Something's wrong! What? What is it? -What? What is it? Were upside down! -Were upside down! You're crazy. We're level. -You're crazy. We're level. Can't you feel it? I'm hanging in my straps! -Can't you feel it? I'm hanging in my straps! You're not. We're level. Look at the instruments, we're okay! -You're not. We're level. Look at the instruments, we're okay! They must be broken. I'm hanging in my straps! We're inverted! -They must be broken. I'm hanging in my straps! We're inverted! We're not! Trust me! We're okay. -I'm pulling up. No! Now we're inverted! -We're on vapor, Cougar, you got to put it down. It's crazy, man. Instruments are crazy. We're gonna have to eject. -It's crazy, man. Instruments are crazy. We're gonna have to eject. TELL HIM, WILL YOU TELL HIM? OUR INSTRUMENTS ARE OKAY. -OKAY... OKAY. BUT IF I LAND THIS THING UPSIDE DOWN. AND I LIVE. I'LL HAVE YOUR BUTT! You'll have mine, Cougar. It'll be where your head used to be. -WHAT? WHERE'RE YOU--HEY, WHERE IN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING? DIDN'T ... AHHH...LOOK GOOD. -DIDN'T ... AHHH...LOOK GOOD. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT DOESN'T GET TO LOOK MUCH BETTER THAN THAT? -WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT DOESN'T GET TO LOOK MUCH BETTER THAN THAT? NO. NO GOOD. -What are you doing? Saving them some paperwork. -Saving them some paperwork. Since when did you care about paperwork? -If I could fly like you I'd have everything I want. If I could fly at all. I can't fly. I can't fly like that. Nobody can. Whatever it is, you've got it! Not anymore. -Not anymore. So, you're scared--so what? You ever get a good look at me in the back seat, I'm goddamn terrified. -Bandit at seven o'clock low--solo. Take him. Pull on the goddamn stick, man! Okay, okay. -Okay, okay. Don't tell me okay. Do it! -BREAK LEFT! BREAK LEFT! CHAFF! FLARES! BREAKING LEFT! -THERE'S ANOTHER ONE UP THERE! I GOT ONE COMING UP. -I GOT ONE COMING UP. AND HE'S GUNNING. -Ohhh Mother! Goddamnit, Mav, you really are a slow learner. Don't worry, Fung, I've got it. -Don't WORRY!!!? You've GOT it!!? Are you CRAZY? Roger, I've got it. -Now have you got it? Have you still got it? Yawing right. -Yawing right. I know! -I know! Rudder's left, stick's forward. -Rudder's left, stick's forward. Swell! Passing ten thousand! -I've got it -- hold on! Passing 8. Passing 6. Lock your harness! -Passing 8. Passing 6. Lock your harness! I can recover. Hold on! -5000 feet. Speed two hundred. Okay. -No! Not again! What are you talking about, we gotta go! -What are you talking about, we gotta go! I'm not losing it again! -Gotta go, man. 280, 290, 300 knots. -280, 290, 300 knots. 3,000 feet. We gotta go, man. 3,000 feet, we gotta go! -3,000 feet. We gotta go, man. 3,000 feet, we gotta go! You go. I'm staying with it. -You go. I'm staying with it. I'm gonna go! THREE...TWO...ONE... -Is there something I should know? Just relax. -Just relax. Is it the plane? -Is it the plane? The plane is fine. -The plane is fine. Is it you? -Is it you? Yeah, I guess it is. We did it! We did it...Damn! We sure did it! -You're not supposed to... But I have to! -But I have to! Then...shit! Go ahead. I'm right behind you. -Then...shit! Go ahead. I'm right behind you. MUSTANG, THIS IS MAVERICK, REQUEST A FLYBY. -You hear that? Anything we want. Anything...Well??? Well what? -Well what? What do you want? -What do you want? What do I want? -What do I want? What do you want? -What do you want? Any more MiGs? -Let me do the talking. Oh, no. You did the flying, I'll do the talking! -Why do you all have such funny names? "You gotta have a call sign that's just your own...never changes...you have to recognize it immediately. Then, if someone shouts ""Wolf, break left!""..you react right away." -"You gotta have a call sign that's just your own...never changes...you have to recognize it immediately. Then, if someone shouts ""Wolf, break left!""..you react right away." Why do they call you Wolf? -Well, I don't know. That depends. On what? -On what? Well, it doesn't just happen, you gotta do something famous. -Well, it doesn't just happen, you gotta do something famous. Like what? -Like what? Oh...I'll think of something. -It's not Cougar's place. It's ours. What do you think it was? Was it that MiG contact that did it? -What do you think it was? Was it that MiG contact that did it? Did what? -Did what? Got you here. -Got you here. We're here because we're the best flyers in the wing. Not because of some MiG encounter. -That's not what I heard. We won! Ice turns back, stares them down, then turns back into his locker, dismissing them. -We won! Ice turns back, stares them down, then turns back into his locker, dismissing them. Below the hard deck doesn't count. You guys are the second team, aren't you? -Slider -- they let you into Top Gun? If you're among the best in the Navy, I tremble for the security of this country. Why Goose, whose butt did you kiss to get here? -Why Goose, whose butt did you kiss to get here? The list is long, but distinguished. -The list is long, but distinguished. So's my Johnson. -So's my Johnson. This is Maverick. -So I've heard. Who's your pilot? -Who's your pilot? Tom Kazansky. -Tom Kazansky. No shit. The Iceman.... -No shit. The Iceman.... Mister to you. -You think you can stay up with us. I think, yeah, we'll show you a thing or two. -I think, yeah, we'll show you a thing or two. This is Evan Mitchell, he steers the thing. -This is Evan Mitchell, he steers the thing. So I heard. Steers it pretty close. Sorry to hear about Cougar. He was a good man. -What was that? Flaming Hooker. Sort of an institution around here. Or maybe this is the institution, I forget which. It's the house drink. It'll warm the cockles of your heart ... and other things depending on where you spill it. -How was it? Could use a dash more jet fuel. -Nice. Always a good idea to show up your instructors. He nods toward Jester, glaring at them from his A4. Goose indicates the backseat of the Tomcat. Hey, see any controls back there? And anyway...we beat the Son of a Bitch! -Look at the weather! They'll never find us! We're near out of fuel. Put it down. COUGAR, YOU'RE ON THE BALL. -What are you doing? Nothing...That's McGown...that's Singer, isn't it? GOOSE Turn around, pay attention. What are you doing? -Keller, Black Lion Squadron. I knew him at Pensacola. He's damn good. Is there anybody in the Navy you don't know? -Is there anybody in the Navy you don't know? Gotta keep track of the competition. -You ever done this before? What, been drunk? Sure! Plenty! -Hey Mav, this is Sally. She doesn't believe a word I say. Tell her I'm married, will you? Yeah, he's married--but then again, he,s not dead. -What do these guys think, I made Cougar quit? Pay no attention to it. They're just trying to rattle you. It's all psychological. Sit down..and drink. -I've lost him -- where is he? On your six -- coming hard. Four hundred. Losing airspeed! He's on your six and closing fast! Hard left! HARD LEFT! -Great move. Great He should've had me. GOOSE Take it down. Let's bug out of here. Call for a draw. -We did it! Look, Ma, top of the world! -Ahhh...A little high on the left, don't you think? Right. -It's a victory roll. I wouldn't call it victory. It's more like...self immolation. -Hi...Hi there. How ya doing in there? Mav... Ahhh...you know, at one point I did want a Navy career. Come on, relax... -Come on, relax... You see all those guys with gold on their shoulders!!?... Oh, no, I think that was Johnson, Air Boss of the Kitty Hawk! -You see all those guys with gold on their shoulders!!?... Oh, no, I think that was Johnson, Air Boss of the Kitty Hawk! Come on, we beat an instructor. How many times in your life do you get to do a victory roll? -Come on, we beat an instructor. How many times in your life do you get to do a victory roll? Just once, if they take your plane away. -Come on, we're next. What? -What? Come on, I got over six bucks on the line. -Come on, come on! It's double or nothing.. We're talking twelve bucks American, here. I've had enough...for now. -What the hell is this? Don't chew it, you won't have it that long. Easier to clean the cockpit if it comes up in big chunks. -Something bothering you? Nothing. Let's just go fight. -STAY WITH HIM! TIGHTEN YOUR TURN! Bogey at three o'clock high! Nose on! -Just cover Wood, Maverick. Mutual support, man! I'm gonna take him, Goose. -I'm gonna take him, Goose. Don't be greedy. Stay with Wood. -Don't be greedy. Stay with Wood. I want him! -What what are you doing? We're cover! Wood's okay. I want Viper. -Relationships are a bitch, here. It's hard enough to concentrate ...under the pressure. Having a woman here is asking for it. I guess that's what I'm doing, then. -I guess that's what I'm doing, then. Where do you find the time? Where do you find the energy. It's tough enough to keep your mind on school. A woman here is a real pain in the... -I'm pinned to the panel. Time to go. -Time to go. I can't eject. -3000 feet. I'll do it. Go ahead. I can't reach. 2000 feet! -1000. Let's go. Eject. -That's Kazanski. No shit! That why they call him Ice? -No shit! That why they call him Ice? Nope. It's the way he flies - Ice cold. No mistakes. Wears you down. After enough time, you just get bored and frustrated, you do something stupid, and he's got you. -Man, you guys gooned it. Your laser butts are scattered across KANSAS. Come on. I died enough for one night. -I was a victim of circumstance. They should have warned you about that one. -They should have warned you about that one. She's kinky for flight suits--said that she'd never seen so many zippers--played with them all night. The noise alone kept me up. -She's kinky for flight suits--said that she'd never seen so many zippers--played with them all night. The noise alone kept me up. What'd you do? -What'd you do? Pulled left, rolled out, underneath. -Don't worry. I'll talk to him. Don't. -He's the best you have. He's going Top Gun! Was. -Well, he's going and he needs someone to fly the plane. Skipper, you can't do this! -Skipper, you can't do this! I didn't do it, he did it himself. Something about a wife and kid. The fact is, he's lost it. He knows it. I know it. You were up there, you know it, too. GOOSE Give him a break, Skipper. It was raining snakes up there. He'll be alright, soon as all the gorillas go home... -But, Skipper, Cougar's been picked for Top Gun...He's the best of the best! Well, you'll just have to make do with him . -Mav's a great flyer but.... He's a hell of a flyer. In fact, he's so damn good he might have been picked for Top Gun himself. Except for one thing. He just can't seem to follow orders! -A plaque? It's not the plaque. The winner can get assigned here as instructor. He gets to fight every day. -No, we...got our butts kicked. Thirty seconds. That's all it took to blow us out of the sky. -It's kind of ironic. All you guys have women troubles and I don't. That's because you don't have any women. -That's because you don't have any women. Until last night. Did you see the moves I was making on that girl at the party? -Until last night. Did you see the moves I was making on that girl at the party? The girl with the purple fingernails? -The girl with the purple fingernails? That's her--tall hungry woman with fire in her eyes. It was great. -Coogan spent half the night looking for her. He said he was gonna kill the son-of-a-bitch who ruined his sister. I didn't ruin her. -Hear about Ice? What now? -What now? He won again. -I'VE GOT TWO MORE BOGEYS COMING IN AT FOUR O'CLOCK HIGH. GOT 'EM. -ENGAGING BANDIT 12 O'CLOCK. SHIT!! -COME OFF RIGHT--COME OFF HIGH--I'M IN--I'LL ENGAGE. STAY WHERE YOU ARE. HE'S MINE. I'M ENGAGED. I'M IN. -GET OUT OF THERE, YOU'RE UNSAFE. GET OUT OF THERE. FIRE, OR CLEAR OUT, ICE. -FIRE, OR CLEAR OUT, ICE. GET LOST! -GET LOST! YOU GOT TOO MUCH NOSE TO TAIL -- I'M COMING IN. -YOU GOT TOO MUCH NOSE TO TAIL -- I'M COMING IN. IT'S MY SHOT. -COME OFF--COME OFF RIGHT. I'M ON MY WAY IN. YOU GO FREE, I'M ENGAGING. STAY OUT OF IT. STAY OUT OF IT, MAVERICK. -STAY OUT OF IT. STAY OUT OF IT, MAVERICK. YOU CAN'T SHOOT HIM, I CAN. I'M IN. -ICE, ROLL OFF, I CAN SHOOT HIM. NO, NO, NO, HE'S MINE. -IF YOU CAN'T SHOOT HIM, I CAN. NO, I GOT HIM. I CAN TAKE HIM. -OKAY, GOING UP. ICE, GO HIGH. LOOK OUT! -ON THE NOSE? GOT 'EM. GOT GOOD TONE. -I GOT A WINDER LEFT, BUT NO GOOD TONE ON IT. I CAN'T LOSE HIM, CAN YOU GET OFF A SHOT? -I CAN'T LOSE HIM, CAN YOU GET OFF A SHOT? I GOT NO TONE. IT MIGHT GET YOU. -I GOT NO TONE. IT MIGHT GET YOU. WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE? SHOOT IT. -WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE? SHOOT IT. WHEN I SHOOT, YOU BREAK LEFT..3..2 -I guess I owe you one. You don't owe me anything. We're on the same team. -You don't owe me anything. We're on the same team. You saved our lives. You did it! -You saved our lives. You did it! We did it. -We did it. You're a hell of a flyer. You can be my wingman any time. -You're a hell of a flyer. You can be my wingman any time. No. You can be mine! -Figured it out yet? Figured out what? -Figured out what? Who is the best. -Who is the best. Nope. -Nope. Need a hint? -Need a hint? I think I can work it out on my own. -I think I can work it out on my own. You like to work alone. I've heard that about you. -You like to work alone. I've heard that about you. I've heard of you, too. You were in 124 with Bargamian. -I've heard of you, too. You were in 124 with Bargamian. And you were with Cougar. He was my roommate in flight school. -The hard deck for this hop was ten thousand feet. Jester, at what point did you call off the fight? Just below ten thousand. -Just below ten thousand. But you continued to fight. -I don't know what to tell you, Skip. Tell me one thing. -He's seat of the pants... Completely unpredictable -- nothing by the book. All over the sky. But I don't know, Skip, he's really got something. "Yeah, we get one of these guys every damn class. ""Maverick!""" -WALKED RIGHT INTO IT. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT ZORRO GOT YOUR WINGMAN. NICE GOING. -He just won't engage. He can't do it, Skipper. He can't get back on the horse. It's only been a week. Keep sending him up. -It's only been a week. Keep sending him up. I've seen this before. -I've seen this before. So have I. -So have I. Some guys never get it back. -Who's the hell is that? Three guesses. -Three guesses. Well, he's in trouble and he didn't even get here yet. -Ah, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Speaking of feet, fuel's down to 4.0. We're gonna get them wet unless we find a Sonoco station. -Speaking of feet, fuel's down to 4.0. We're gonna get them wet unless we find a Sonoco station. COUGAR, THIS IS MAVERICK. I'M GETTING HUNGRY, LET'S HEAD FOR THE BARN. ...COUGAR, WHERE ARE YOU? -I...FORGOT SOMETHING. What the hell you doing? -What the hell you doing? Helping him in. -Helping him in. What makes you think we can get back in? We don't have the fuel for this. MAVERICK Just get me to him. -You won?!!! Didn't everybody? -It was bad. Bad? -Bad? The girl with the purple fingernails was Coogan's sister. -You didn't help. No, really. She came ruined!... Ya think he knows it was me? -Morning, Coogan. How's it goin', Coog? -He's a good pilot. I talked a man back once. Three months later, we lost him. It's his decision. Only he knows. -Was going. Now you are. Me? -You just did an incredibly brave thing! What you should have done was land your plane. You don't own that plane, the taxpayers do. I should ream you out for it. But it just doesn't work with you. You're a hell of a flyer. You are maybe ...too good. You never really stepped in it yet. So this is your chance. I'm gonna send you up against the best. They are better than you. Maybe they'll knock that shine off your eagle and you'll see, finally, where discipline and teamwork fit it. Maverick hasn't really heard anything but TOPGUN. He snaps out of it. Sir? -Sir? That is all. Tell me about the MiG some other time... -That is all. Tell me about the MiG some other time... Yes sir! -Yes sir.. The wings.. -Considering the company you're in, that's a pretty arrogant attitude. Yes sir. -Yes sir. I like that in a fighter pilot. It's okay to be confident. You have to think you're King Kong to want to try to land on carriers. Just keep in mind the other component of success...teamwork. -Maverick... Where'd you get that call sign? Ahhh... Runs in the family, sir. -Ahhh... Runs in the family, sir. You're father was Marvin Mitchell.. -You're father was Marvin Mitchell.. Yes sir. -Yes sir. A good man. Good flyer. -I had him in view. I was peeling over the egg, into a dive. He saw me when I moved in for the kill. There wasn't any danger... Is that how you remember it? -Why? We weren't below for more than ten seconds. There was no danger. I had the shot. I took it. -We weren't below for more than ten seconds. There was no danger. I had the shot. I took it. The rules of engagement are not flexible. They exist for your safety. You will obey them. Is that clear? -I wasn't thinking. I just did it. Big gamble with a thirty million dollar plane! -SNAPSHOT..MISSED HIM.. ENGAGING THE OTHER GUY. WOOD, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. -Twenty years' experience, I couldn't shake you. You may be a great flyer. I mean that. I lost. -I lost. Of course you did. I said a great flyer, not a smart one. You fly reckless. Great instincts. No discipline. That ambush today, you followed your emotions instead of your wingman. Of course you got killed...and well deserved to. It was a really stupid mistake. In battle, it gets people killed. -I can take care of myself. Talent is no holy shield. Von Richtofen was killed by a farm boy. Instincts are not enough. Do it our way. We've worked these things out. The good pilots can become better and the great ones can learn how to stay alive. Why do you have to do everything the hard way? -Talent is no holy shield. Von Richtofen was killed by a farm boy. Instincts are not enough. Do it our way. We've worked these things out. The good pilots can become better and the great ones can learn how to stay alive. Why do you have to do everything the hard way? It's my own way. It works for me. I don't care about the rest of that stuff. -It's my own way. It works for me. I don't care about the rest of that stuff. Then why are you here? -Then why are you here? For the same reason you are. -For the same reason you are. Oh, you mean the thrill! -Oh, you mean the thrill! The flying. The fighting. I'd go up there ten times a day to fight. I'd win at least nine of them. That's all I want to do. It's what I do best. I am real good. Just give me the jet. -How do you feel? All right. -All right. Goose is dead. -Goose is dead. I know. I was there. -He was...my responsibility--my RIO. My first squadron in Vietnam, we lost eight out of eighteen planes. Ten guys. The first one kills you, but there'll be others--you can count on it. -Skipper, sorry to bother you. No bother. -No bother. I called your house. -I called your house. My wife's house. -My wife's house. She said you took your kid to the each. Every second Sunday. Zoo or beach or the ballgame. Y'have the option... What about me? -"We can send you back to your squadron with nothing noted on your record except ""CNC"" --course not completed, no explanation required. Theoretically, it doesn't hurt your career, but people always wonder about things like that." Or.... -Or.... Or you can quit. -Or you can quit. I don't know... -I don't know... I didn't know either. That's why I told Jester to prepare your papers. -It's no disgrace, kid. That spin was hell. It would wreck anyone's confidence. You could be a good pilot again someday... You think I should quit?! -You think I should quit?! I didn't say that. That's up to you. But I have responsibility for the other guys up there, not just you. They need to know you're all right...that they can depend on you. -Sometimes it's luck, but in this case, he earned it... I served with your old man. I know. -I know. VF 51, the Oriskany. You remind me of him. You're just like he was, only better...and worse. -VF 51, the Oriskany. You remind me of him. You're just like he was, only better...and worse. I'm nothing like him. -I'm nothing like him. You may not think so, but you are. -You may not think so, but you are. He was by the book, all the way. -He was by the book, all the way. They waved him off. He thought he knew better. He hit the ramp. -They waved him off. He thought he knew better. He hit the ramp. I never heard that. -I never heard that. Not something they tell dependents. -Not something they tell dependents. It's not true. -How can I go on? I feel so... responsible. Kid, the plain fact is...you are. I'm not gonna stand here and blow sunshine up your ass. Technically, they absolved you. You and I know what really happened. You pushed it. You are responsible and you'll always carry that. You know what, I'll carry it too. I should have taken you out of that cockpit. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic... I always try to find something worthwhile in someone's death. It's no trade-off. It's not one for one. What you learned isn't worth his death. It couldn't be. But maybe there is some value in it. I know it's the first thing I've ever seen that's really gotten to you. Now the question is, what will you do with it. If it gets you out of flight status...so you don't kill yourself or anybody else...that's good. That's one good thing. You were an accident waiting to happen. -Kid, the plain fact is...you are. I'm not gonna stand here and blow sunshine up your ass. Technically, they absolved you. You and I know what really happened. You pushed it. You are responsible and you'll always carry that. You know what, I'll carry it too. I should have taken you out of that cockpit. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic... I always try to find something worthwhile in someone's death. It's no trade-off. It's not one for one. What you learned isn't worth his death. It couldn't be. But maybe there is some value in it. I know it's the first thing I've ever seen that's really gotten to you. Now the question is, what will you do with it. If it gets you out of flight status...so you don't kill yourself or anybody else...that's good. That's one good thing. You were an accident waiting to happen. You think I shouldn't fly. -You think I shouldn't fly. I didn't say that. That's up to you. I think that if you do, if you choose to come back, you'll be a better pilot... a better man. -I didn't say that. That's up to you. I think that if you do, if you choose to come back, you'll be a better pilot... a better man. Would you take me back? Would they? -Would you take me back? Would they? I'll have to think about it. I don't know about them. I do know one thing, We've got a lot invested in you. We'd hate to lose it. Even more than those other guys, Naval Aviation needs a very few, very good men. -What's wrong with this one? He ain't got five kids to feed. -Where's yours? Over there man. -Over there man. You got the job. -Welcome to Mars. What was that? An accident? -What to the rebels want? Oh, the usual. More money, more freedom, more air. -So, where to? The Last Resort. -The Last Resort. You're getting off to an early start. -First time on Mars? Yeah...Well, actually no...Sort of. -Yeah...Well, actually no...Sort of. Man don't know if he's been to Mars or not -Tell me something; are all psychics, uh....? Freaks?...'Fraid so, man. Goes with the territory. -Freaks?...'Fraid so, man. Goes with the territory. What happened to them? -What happened to them? Cheap domes. And no air to screen out the rays. -Well, there it is; the Last Resort. Sure you wanna go in? Why not? -Why not? I know a much better place down the block -- the girls are clean; the liquor ain't watered down... -I know a much better place down the block -- the girls are clean; the liquor ain't watered down... And you get a kickback. -Lemme ask you a question. Ever fuck a mutant? Take me to the hotel. -What happened to number five? Ah, shit. You got me. I ain't even married. Now put your fucking hands in the air! -Need a ride? The Last Resort! Quick! -Shut up and drive! Whatcha doin' to me, man?! I got six kids to feed! -And if you wanna breathe, you gotta but his air. But maybe you can change all that. -But maybe you can change all that. I think my grampa might be here. -How could you do this? You're a mutant. Hey, I got four kids to feed. -What do you want? They've got you bugged, and they'll be busting down the door in about three minutes unless you do exactly what I say. -Don't bother looking. It's in your skull. Who are you? -Who are you? Never mind. Wet a towel and wrap it around your head. That'll muffle the signal. -Never mind. Wet a towel and wrap it around your head. That'll muffle the signal. How'd you find me? -How'd you find me? I'd advise you to hurry. -Nice to have you back with us, Mr. Brubaker. Thank you. -Thank you. Would you like the same suite? -Would you like the same suite? Definitely. -Hmm. It seems you left something in our safe. Get it, please. -Get it, please. Identification? -I'll go encode your room key. Thank you. -There you go, Mr. Brubaker. Suite 610 in the East Wing. May I use your pen? -Well, my boy, you're a hero. Fuck you. -Fuck you. Don't be modest. Kuato's dead; the Resistance has been completely wiped out; and you were the key to the whole thing. -You see, Quaid, none of my people could get close to Kuato. The fucking mutants could always sniff us out. So Hauser and I sat down and invented you: the perfect mole. He's lying. Hauser turned against you. -He's lying. Hauser turned against you. That's what we wanted you to think. The fact is, Hauser volunteered to become Doug Quaid. It was the only way to fool the psychics. -That's what we wanted you to think. The fact is, Hauser volunteered to become Doug Quaid. It was the only way to fool the psychics. Get your story straight. This idiot's been trying to kill me since I went to Rekall. --You don't kill somebody you're trying to plant. -Get your story straight. This idiot's been trying to kill me since I went to Rekall. --You don't kill somebody you're trying to plant. He wasn't in on it. You set him off by going to Rekall. -He wasn't in on it. You set him off by going to Rekall. So why am I still alive? -So why am I still alive? We gave you lots of help. Benny here... -The guy with the suitcase; the mask; the money; the message form Hauser...All of that was set up by us. Sorry. Too perfect. -Sorry. Too perfect. Perfect, my ass! --You pop your memory cap before we can activate you. Then Richter goes hod wild, screwing up everything I spent a year planning. --Frankly, I'm amazed is worked. -Well, Cohaagen, I have to hand it to you...This is the best mindfuck yet. Don't take my word for it, Quaid. Someone you trust wants to talk to you. -Don't take my word for it, Quaid. Someone you trust wants to talk to you. Who is it this time--my mother? -The guy's a fucking asshole. Not true, he's one of my best friends...He's got a big house and a Mercedes. And you like Melina, right? Well, you'll get to fuck her every night.--That's right. She's gonna be Hauser's babe. -Come on, Cohaagen! You got what you want. Give these people air! My friend, five minutes from now, you won't give a shit about the people. Fire it up, Doc. -What are you afraid of? Turn it on. Impossible. Once the reaction starts, it'll spread to all the turbinium in the planet. Mars will go into global meltdown.--That's why the aliens never turned it on. -Impossible. Once the reaction starts, it'll spread to all the turbinium in the planet. Mars will go into global meltdown.--That's why the aliens never turned it on. Do you expect me to believe you? -Do you expect me to believe you? Who gives a shit what you believe? In thirty seconds, you'll be dead. Then I'll blow this place up... -I didn't want it to end this way. I wanted Hauser back. But nooo. You had to be Quaid. I am Quaid. -I am Quaid. You're nothing! You're nobody! You're a stupid dream. Well all dreams come to an end. -What the fuck is going on down there?! I'm trying to neutralize a traitor. -I'm trying to neutralize a traitor. If I wanted him dead, you moron, I wouldn't have dumped him on Earth. -If I wanted him dead, you moron, I wouldn't have dumped him on Earth. We can't let him run around. He knows too much. -We can't let him run around. He knows too much. Lori says he can't remember jack shit! -Lori says he can't remember jack shit! That's now. In an hour, he could have total recall. -That's now. In an hour, he could have total recall. Listen to me, Richter, I want Quaid delivered alive for re-implantation. Have you got that? I want him back in place with Lori. -Richter, do you know why I'm such a happy person? No, sir. -No, sir. Because I've got the greatest job in the solar system. As long as the turbinium keeps flowing, I can do anything I want. Anything. If fact, the only thing I ever worry about is that one day, if the rebels win, it all might end. -He had help. From our side, sir. I know that. -I know that. But I thought... -But I thought... Who told you to think?! I don't give you enough information to think! You do what you're told!! That's what you do! -Who told you to think?! I don't give you enough information to think! You do what you're told!! That's what you do! Yes, sir. -Now let's get down to business. Kuato wants what's in Quaid's head. And he might be able to get it, cause they say he's psychic. Now I have a little plan to keep this from happening. --Do you think you can play along? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Great! Because, otherwise I'll erase your ass. -Stop fighting and get out. They've got Quaid! They're protecting him! -They've got Quaid! They're protecting him! Perfect!...Get out of Sector G. Now. Don't think. Do it. -Perfect!...Get out of Sector G. Now. Don't think. Do it. Yes, sir. -I say we throw the switch and see what happens. Don't be an idiot. -Kill him. It's about goddamn time. -Bob? What is it? -What is it? You better get down here. -I'm with an very important client. Looks like another schizoid embolism. -What the fuck is going on here?! You can't install a simple goddamn double implant?! It's not my fault. We hit a memory cap. -Listen to me! He's been going on and on about Mars. He's really been there. Use your head, you dumb bitch! He's acting out the secret agent role from his Ego Trip! -Use your head, you dumb bitch! He's acting out the secret agent role from his Ego Trip! I'm afraid that's not possible. -I'm afraid that's not possible. Why not? -Why not? We haven't implanted it yet. -Oh shit....Oh shit... I've been trying to tell you. Someone erased his memory. -Okay, this is what we're gonna do. Renata, cover up any memory he has of us or Rekall. I'll do what I can. It's getting messy in there. -I'll do what I can. It's getting messy in there. Ernie, dump him in a cab. Around the corner. Tiffany, you help him. I'll destroy his file and refund his money. And if anybody comes asking...we've never heard of Douglas Quaid. -Ernie, dump him in a cab. Around the corner. Tiffany, you help him. I'll destroy his file and refund his money. And if anybody comes asking...we've never heard of Douglas Quaid. Come on...put his head in place. -Good evening... Doug. I'm Dr. Lull. Nice to meet you. -Two-headed monsters? Don't you keep up with the news? We're doing alien artifacts now. -So, been married long? Eight years. -Eight years. I see. Slipping away for a little hanky-panky. -I see. Slipping away for a little hanky-panky. Not really. I've just always been fascinated by Mars. -Your sexual orientation? Hetero. -Hetero. Hmmm. And how do you like your women? -Blonde, brunette, redhead? Brunette. -Brunette. Slim, athletic, voluptuous? -Demure, aggressive, sleazy? Be honest. Sleazy...and demure. -Sleazy...and demure. Forty-one A, Ernie. -What do you want? This is going to be very difficult for you at accept, Mr. Quaid. -This is going to be very difficult for you at accept, Mr. Quaid. I'm listening. -I'm listening. I'm afraid you're not really standing here right now. -Ya know, Doc, you could have folled me. I'm quite serious. You're not here, and neither am I. -Amazing. Where are we? At Rekall. -You're strapped into an implant chair, and I'm monitoring you at a psycho-probe console. Oh, I get it; I'm dreaming! And this is all part of that delightful vacation your company sold me. -Oh, I get it; I'm dreaming! And this is all part of that delightful vacation your company sold me. Not exactly. What you're experiencing is a free-form delusion based on our memory tapes. But you're inventing it yourself as you go along. -Not exactly. What you're experiencing is a free-form delusion based on our memory tapes. But you're inventing it yourself as you go along. Well, if this is my delusion, who invited you? -Well, if this is my delusion, who invited you? I've been artificially implanted as an emergency measure. I'm sorry to tell you this, Mr. Quaid, but you've suffered a schizoid embolism. We can't snap you out of your fantasy. I've been sent in to try to talk you down. -I've been artificially implanted as an emergency measure. I'm sorry to tell you this, Mr. Quaid, but you've suffered a schizoid embolism. We can't snap you out of your fantasy. I've been sent in to try to talk you down. How much is Cohaagen paying you for this? -How much is Cohaagen paying you for this? Think about it. Your dream started in the middle of the implant procedure. Everything after that--the chases, the trip to Mars, your suite here at the Hilton--these are all elements of your Rekall Holiday. And Ego Trip: You paid to be a secret agent. -Think about it. Your dream started in the middle of the implant procedure. Everything after that--the chases, the trip to Mars, your suite here at the Hilton--these are all elements of your Rekall Holiday. And Ego Trip: You paid to be a secret agent. Bullshit. It's all coincidence. -Bullshit. It's all coincidence. What about the girl? Brunette, athletic, sleazy and demure; just like you specified. Is that a coincidence? -What about the girl? Brunette, athletic, sleazy and demure; just like you specified. Is that a coincidence? She's real. I dreamed about her before I even went to Rekall. -She's real. I dreamed about her before I even went to Rekall. "Mr. Quaid, can you hear yourself? ""She's real because you dreamed her?""" -"Mr. Quaid, can you hear yourself? ""She's real because you dreamed her?""" That's right. -You open it. No need to be rude. I'll do it. -Suppose I do...then what? Swallow this. -What is it? It's a symbol. Of your desire to return to reality. --Inside your dream, you'll fall asleep. -Mr. Cohaagen wants to see you right away. Any news of Quaid? -Any news of Quaid? Not since you lost him. -Not since you lost him. Watch your mouth, Captain. -Quaid! That's Quaid! Where? -Where? There! The woman! -HER! Arrest that woman! -Richter! Call from Cohaagen. This is Richter sir...I've got them pinned down. -Pull them out. O.K., everybody pull out! -Hey, hey Tony. Give the big guy a break. Relax, you'll live longer. -If we don't hand you over, everybody in the sector'll be dead by morning. We don't have much choice then, do we? -Sit down. Where's Kuato? -Where's Kuato? On his way. -On his way. You heard the rumors about the Pyramid Mine? -You heard the rumors about the Pyramid Mine? Yeah. -Yeah. Cohaagen found something weird inside, and it's got him scared shitless. -Cohaagen found something weird inside, and it's got him scared shitless. What, aliens? -What, aliens? You tell me. -You tell me. I don't know. -I don't know. Yes, you do. That's why we brought you here. -- Cohaagen's big secret is buried in that black hole you call a brain. And Kuato's gonna dig it out. -Yes, you do. That's why we brought you here. -- Cohaagen's big secret is buried in that black hole you call a brain. And Kuato's gonna dig it out. You're Kuato, right? -You're Kuato, right? Wrong. Kuato's a mutant. So don't get upset when you see him. -Shit! C'mon! -They found us! Everybody out! Melina! -Hey Harry...Harry! You ever heard of Rekall? Rekall? -Rekall? They sell fake memories. -They sell fake memories. Oh, Rekall. -Oh, Rekall. Yeah. -Yeah. """RekallRekallRekall."" You thinkin' of goin' there?" -I don't know. Maybe. Well don't. -Why not? "A friend of mine tried one of their ""special offers""...Nearly got himself lobotomized." -"A friend of mine tried one of their ""special offers""...Nearly got himself lobotomized." No shit... -No shit... Don't fuck with your brain, pal. It ain't worth it. -Hey, Quaid! Harry! -Harry! How was your trip to Mars? -What trip? You went to Rekall, remember? -You went to Rekall, remember? I did? -I did? Yeah, you did. I told you not to but you did anyway. -Yeah, you did. I told you not to but you did anyway. What are you, my father? -What are you, my father? Let me buy you a drink. -Let me buy you a drink. No, Harry, I'm already late...See you tomorrow. -Harry, what the hell is this? Come on, let's go have that drink. -Come on, let's go have that drink. What the fuck did I do wrong?! Tell me! -What the fuck did I do wrong?! Tell me! You blabbed, Quaid! You blabbed about Mars! -You blabbed, Quaid! You blabbed about Mars! Are you crazy?! I don't know anything about Mars. -You shoulda listened to me, Quaid. I was there to keep you outta trouble. Harry, you're making a big mistake! You've got me mixed up with somebody else! -Harry, you're making a big mistake! You've got me mixed up with somebody else! Unh-uh, pal. You've got yourself mixed up with somebody else. -Where? Up to the right. -I want that fucker dead. I don't blame you man. I wouldn't want Quaid porkin' my old lady. -I don't blame you man. I wouldn't want Quaid porkin' my old lady. Are you saying she liked it? -Are you saying she liked it? I'm sure she hated every fuckin' minute of it. -What was that? I couldn't hear you. I've got Quaid. -Where is he? Level 2. Galleria. -Level 2. Galleria. He shoulda killed Quaid back on Mars. -Shit! What is it? -That son of a bitch got to be around here somewhere. I've got him. The guy in the turban. -I've got a weak signal over there. Split up. Find him. -He's not at ground level. Up! -I've got a lock! There! Come on! -Look at this shit. What the hell is this? -I'm sorry. Would you please rephrase the question. How did I get in this taxi?! -How did I get in this taxi?! The door opened. You got it. -Welcome to JohnnyCab. Where can I...? Drive! DRIVE!! -Would you please repeat the destination? Anywhere! Go!..Just go -- OH SHIT!! SHIT!! -The fare is eighteen credits, please. Quit while you're ahead. -Quit while you're ahead. Thanks for taking Johnnycab. -Is that better? Mmmm..... -Mmmm..... Poor baby. This is getting to be an obsession. -Who? The brunette. The one you told me about. -The brunette. The one you told me about. Lori, I don't believe it...You're jealous of a dream! -Who is she? Nobody. -Nobody. Nobody?! What's her name? -Nobody?! What's her name? I don't know. -I don't know. Tell me! -It's not funny, Doug. You dream about her every night. But I'm always home by morning. -Let me go! Aw, come on, baby...You're the girl of my dreams. -...You mean it? You know I do. -Lori... Yeah, sweetheart? -Yeah, sweetheart? Let's do it. -Let's do it. Do what? -Do what? Move to Mars. -Honey, do you have to spoil a perfectly wonderful morning. Just think about it. -Just think about it. Sweetheart, we've been through this a million times. You'd hate it on Mars. It's dry; it's ugly; it's boring! --I mean, really, a revolution could break out there any minute. -Sweetheart, we've been through this a million times. You'd hate it on Mars. It's dry; it's ugly; it's boring! --I mean, really, a revolution could break out there any minute. Cohaagen says it's just a few extremists. -Cohaagen says it's just a few extremists. And you believe him? -And you believe him? All right, forget about it. -Doug, maybe we should take a trip. Lori, move. -Lori, move. There's lots nicer places than Mars. -Well...What do you say? I'm late. -Sweetheart...I know it's hard being in a new town, but let's at least give it a chance here. Okay? Lori, don't you understand? I feel I was meant for something more than this. I want to do something with my life.--I want to be somebody. -You are somebody. You're the man I love. Bye. -What are you doing? Some men just tried to kill me! -Muggers?! Doug, are you all right? What happened? No! Spies or something. And Harry from work...Get down! -Harry from work...He was the boss. "Take it easy. Tell me exactly what happened? Why would ""spies"" want to kill you?" -"Take it easy. Tell me exactly what happened? Why would ""spies"" want to kill you?" I don't know! It had something to do with Mars. -I don't know! It had something to do with Mars. Mars? You've never even been to Mars. -Mars? You've never even been to Mars. I know it sounds crazy, but I went to this Rekall place after work, and... -I know it sounds crazy, but I went to this Rekall place after work, and... You went to those brain butchers?! -You went to those brain butchers?! Let me finish! -Let me finish! What did they do to you? Tell me! -What did they do to you? Tell me! --I got a trip to Mars. ---I got a trip to Mars. Oh God, Doug. -Oh God, Doug. Forget Rekall, will you! These men were going to kill me... -Forget Rekall, will you! These men were going to kill me... Doug, nobody tried to kill you. -Doug, nobody tried to kill you. They did! But I killed them! -You call this a paranoid delusion?! Doug... -Not talk! I said TALK!! I'm not your wife. -I'm not your wife. The hell you're not. -The hell you're not. I swear to God!...I never saw you before six weeks ago! Our marriage is just a memory implant -- agghh! -I swear to God!...I never saw you before six weeks ago! Our marriage is just a memory implant -- agghh! You think I'm an idiot? Remember our wedding? -You think I'm an idiot? Remember our wedding? It was implanted by the Agency. -It was implanted by the Agency. And falling in love? -And falling in love? Implanted. -Implanted. Our friends, my job, eight years together, I suppose all this was implanted too? -Our friends, my job, eight years together, I suppose all this was implanted too? The job's real. -- But the Agency set it up. -The job's real. -- But the Agency set it up. Bullshit. -O.K. then. If I'm not me, then who the hell am I? Beats me. I just work here. -But Doug...There's something I want you to know. You're the best assignment I ever hand. Really. I'm honored. -I'm honored. You sure you don't wanna...? For old time's sake. If you don't trust me, you can tie me up. -You sure you don't wanna...? For old time's sake. If you don't trust me, you can tie me up. I didn't know you were so kinky. -I didn't know you were so kinky. It's time you found out. -Clever girl. Doug...You wouldn't shoot me, would you? After all we've been through? -Doug...You wouldn't shoot me, would you? After all we've been through? Yeah. Some of it was fun. -I suppose you're not here either. I'm here at Rekall. -I love you. Right. That's why you tried to kill me. -Right. That's why you tried to kill me. Nooo! I would never do anything to hurt you. I want you to come back to me. -Nooo! I would never do anything to hurt you. I want you to come back to me. Bullshit. -Then I can pull this trigger, and it won't matter. Doug, don't! -Doug...Bob McClane. Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. Good to see ya. Right this way. -Now help me out here, Doug. You were interested in a memory of... Mars. -Mars. Right. Mars. -Right. Mars. That a problem? -That a problem? To be perfectly honest with you, Doug, if outer space is your thing, I think you'd be much happier with one of our Saturn cruises.Everybody raves about 'em. -To be perfectly honest with you, Doug, if outer space is your thing, I think you'd be much happier with one of our Saturn cruises.Everybody raves about 'em. I'm not interested in Saturn. I said Mars. -I'm not interested in Saturn. I said Mars. Okay, you're the boss -- Mars it is. -Let's see...the basic Mars package will run you just eight hundred and ninety-nine credits. That's for two full weeks of memories, complete in every detail. --A longer trip'll run you a little more, cause you need a deeper implant. What's in the two week package? -What's in the two week package? First of all, Doug, when you go Rekall, you get nothing but first class memories: private cabin on the shuttle; deluxe suite at the Hilton; plus all the major sights: Mount Pyramid, the Grand Canals, and of course... Venusville. -First of all, Doug, when you go Rekall, you get nothing but first class memories: private cabin on the shuttle; deluxe suite at the Hilton; plus all the major sights: Mount Pyramid, the Grand Canals, and of course... Venusville. How real does it seem? -How real does it seem? As real as any memory in your head. -As real as any memory in your head. Come on, don't bullshit me. -Come on, don't bullshit me. I'm telling you, Doug, your brain won't know the difference. Guaranteed, or your money back. -I'm telling you, Doug, your brain won't know the difference. Guaranteed, or your money back. What about the guy you lobotomized...Did he get a refund? -What about the guy you lobotomized...Did he get a refund? You're talking ancient history, Doug. Nowadays, traveling with Rekall is safer than getting on a rocket. Look at the statistics. -All right. Smart move. Now while you fill out the questionnaire, I'll familiarize you with some of our options. -Smart move. Now while you fill out the questionnaire, I'll familiarize you with some of our options. No options. -No options. Whatever you say...Just answer one question. What is it that is exactly the same about every vacation you've ever taken? -I give up. "You. You're the same. No matter where you go, there you are. Always the same old you. Let me suggest that you take a vacation from yourself. I know it sounds wild, but it's the latest thing in travel. We call it an ""Ego Trip""." -"You. You're the same. No matter where you go, there you are. Always the same old you. Let me suggest that you take a vacation from yourself. I know it sounds wild, but it's the latest thing in travel. We call it an ""Ego Trip""." I'm not interested in that. -I'm not interested in that. You're gonna love this. --We offer you a choice of alternate identities during your trip. -Secret agent...How much is that? Aaah, let me tantalize you. You're a top operative, back under deep cover on your most important mission. People are trying to kill you left and right. You meet a beautiful, exotic woman... -Go on. I don't wanna spoil it for you, Doug. Just rest assured, by the time the trip is over, you get the girl, you kill the bad guys, and you save the entire planet. Now you tell me. Is that worth three hundred measly credits? -They'll be here any minute! They'll kill you all! What's he talking about? -What's he talking about? Let me go! -I love you. I love you. -Ooo, whatcha been feeding that thing? Blondes. -Blondes. I think it's still hungry. -I thought Cohaagen tortured you to death! I guess he didn't. -I guess he didn't. You couldn't get me a message? You never wondered what happened to me? -...What? There's something I have to tell you... -I don't remember you. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I don't remember you. I don't remember us. I don't even remember me. -What, did you get amnesia?...How'd you get here? Hauser left me a note. -Hauser left me a note. Hauser? You're Hauser. -Hauser? You're Hauser. Not any more. -Hauser, you're lost your mind. I didn't lose it. Cohaagen stole it. He found out that Hauser switched sides,-so he turned him into somebody else. Me. -I didn't lose it. Cohaagen stole it. He found out that Hauser switched sides,-so he turned him into somebody else. Me. This is too weird. -This is too weird. Then he dumped me on Earth with a wife and a lousy job and ... -Then he dumped me on Earth with a wife and a lousy job and ... Wait, did you say wife?...Are you fuckin' married!!? -She wasn't really my wife. Oh, she isn't really your wife. How stupid of me...She was Hauser's wife. -Oh, she isn't really your wife. How stupid of me...She was Hauser's wife. Forget I said wife. -Forget I said wife. No. Let's forget everything! I've had it with you and your goddamn lies. -No. Let's forget everything! I've had it with you and your goddamn lies. Why would I lie to you? -Why would I lie to you? Because you're still working for Cohaagen. -Because you're still working for Cohaagen. Don't be ridiculous. -Don't be ridiculous. You never loved me, Hauser! You just used me to get inside. -You never loved me, Hauser! You just used me to get inside. Inside what? -I think you better leave. Melina, Hauser sent me to do something. -Melina, Hauser sent me to do something. I'm not falling for it. -I'm not falling for it. He said there's enough in here to nail Cohaagen for good. -He said there's enough in here to nail Cohaagen for good. Get out! -I said get out! Melina, please...People are trying to kill me. -I thought you didn't like me. If Cohaagen wants you dead, you might be okay. -So you dropped by to apologize? Kuato wants to see you. Come on! -Now what? Jump! -By the way...ever heard of a company names Rekall? I used to model for 'em, why? -I used to model for 'em, why? Just wondering. -Not bad, for a hooker. I'm not a hooker! That's my cover. -The first settlers are buried here. They worked themselves to death, but Cohaagen ended up with all the money. He built cheap domes and watched their kids turn into freaks. I saw them. -What can I do? Kuato's gonna make you remember a few things you knew when you were Hauser. -Kuato's gonna make you remember a few things you knew when you were Hauser. Like what? -Like what? All sorts of things. You might even remember you loved me. -All sorts of things. You might even remember you loved me. I don't need Kuato for that. -I don't need Kuato for that. Oh, since when? -He's lying. You two-faced-bastard. -Are you all right? Are you still you? I'm not sure dear? What do you think? -Where are you going?! The reactor. -The reactor. What reactor?! -What reactor?! The one in the mine! -The one in the mine! People are dying, Quaid!! Stop!! We've got to get air!! -"Where's this ""reactor"" come from?" Aliens built it. -Aliens built it. Aliens?! -You sure about this? It's just up ahead. -Cohaagen knows it makes air. But the bastard won't turn it on. Of course not. If Mars had an atmosphere, he's lose control. -The whole core of Mars is ice. The reactor melts it and releases oxygen. Enough for everybody to breathe? -What's wrong? I just has a terrible thought...What is this is all a dream? -I just has a terrible thought...What is this is all a dream? Then kiss me quick...before you wake up. -This is the suitcase you gave me. I gave you? -I gave you? I'm leaving it here. Come get it and keep moving. -Wait! What? -What? ...Who are you? -...Who are you? We were buddies in the Agency back on Mars. You asked me to find you if you disappeared. So here I am, good-bye. -We were buddies in the Agency back on Mars. You asked me to find you if you disappeared. So here I am, good-bye. What was I doing on Mars?! Damn! -Rhonda. Rhonda LeBeck. She's getting some kind of strange readings on her things. "Damn, you know, those kids turn up oil or uranium or something out there...next thing the Feds will be at our door. ""Sorry, time to move. Eminent domain.""" -Or a big mother slug maybe? Some kind of mutation...? -You guys all set? Ready as we'll ever be. -Ready as we'll ever be. Heather and I are going to drive around a little, see if we can find that college girl and tell her to get her ass back into town. -You stupid punk! You came that close, that close!! One of these days, Melvin, somebody's gonna kick your ass. -Okay, Burt, listen. Forget shooting them. Tell me this: can you get to your truck? No problem. -No problem. Good. You've got the only truck in the valley that can make it up that damn jeep trail. So, here's the plan: You and Heather go for help. Get to the mountains... -Yeah, like they got a plan... Breaker there, Earl. What do you want us to do? -Breaker there, Earl. What do you want us to do? Hang on, Burt. The bastards are up to something. -Yeah, still got one poking around. That's four. Let us know if it starts moving, Burt. -That's four. Let us know if it starts moving, Burt. Roger that. -What? Well, for chrissake, we could have made a stand at our place! We had food, water... You can't fight'em that way... -You can't fight'em that way... You two jackasses hauled us way the hell out here...!? -How much you think? I don't know... They're pretty quick...fifteen seconds? -What the hell is that, anyway? Cannon fuse. -Cannon fuse. What do you use it for? -What do you use it for? My cannon. -Miguel, the trouble's come to us. If we're not ready... Phone's out. Road's out. We're on our own. -I can't believe it. No tracks, no sign, no spoor. Yeah, whatever they are, you'd think after they ate all those sheep they'd have to take a dump someplace... What the hell's going on in town? -You're not getting any penetration, even with the elephant gun. Damn! Val, we can't get them. Never figured on having to shoot through dirt! Best goddamn bullet stop there is. Come back. -Knock it off, Burt! I think I scared it! -What do you think? Max firepower or...? I'd go for penetration. The 458 shooting solids -- less ammo to carry anyway. -A beauty, isn't it? We bought three of them for the rec room. We sell 'em to you for three bucks a piece! -What the hell you doing back already? You're never going to believe this, but the canyon road...we were on it not two hours ago...well, it's completely... -Negative copy on that, Pham, check your frequency. I'm on forty-nine. Burt, can you hear me now? -Burt, can you hear me now? Just barely, Pham. What are you all doing up on your roofs. What the hell's going on? Come back. -Burt! This is Val! Get out of your basement!! Take your radio! You and Heather get up on your roof! Then we'll talk, okay?! Val? What the hell you doing back already? -Val? What the hell you doing back already? Burt, get out! Get up on your roof or someplace! We found out what's been killing people! They're under the ground! -Burt, get out! Get up on your roof or someplace! We found out what's been killing people! They're under the ground! What's under the ground? We're not getting up on the roof. Earth shelter's the best. Known that since I was a kid. -What's under the ground? We're not getting up on the roof. Earth shelter's the best. Known that since I was a kid. Listen! Listen! We know what they are! They're big things under the ground! Much bigger than we thought! They're coming after you! They're coming right now! -Let's go you two. We're headed for the mountains. In a minute. -That's fine. We've got some new things to teach them. Damn it! They'll sink this rig just like a boat! -Jesus Christ, we're only going nine miles. Be there in two hours, tops! Yeah, well those things are gonna be on our ass every foot of the way, right? -She's got my vote. Right. We're gonna run. Get ready. -BACK OFF, BURT...! Well, who put you two in charge? -Well, we'll ask around. Let you know if we hear of anything. Thanks. God, I hope they're not screwed up. I might have to bag the whole semester. Anyway, sorry to bother you. -Thanks. God, I hope they're not screwed up. I might have to bag the whole semester. Anyway, sorry to bother you. No problem. Nice meeting you. Hope you get it sorted out. -Jesus Christ...think it smells like that 'cause it's dead? I don't see any eyes...must be totally subterranean...and those tentacles... -I don't see any eyes...must be totally subterranean...and those tentacles... I think they shoot right outta its mouth, hook you, and pull you right in. Good thing we stopped it before it killed anybody else. -I think they shoot right outta its mouth, hook you, and pull you right in. Good thing we stopped it before it killed anybody else. Yeah, I'm lucky it didn't find me. This is important, you know. This is like, well, let's say it, it's probably the biggest zoological discovery of the century. The century? Forget it. History. -Well, at least the bastard can't climb. Pardon my French. Probably couldn't move too easily on the surface. -There's nothing like them in the fossil record, I'm sure...Okay, so they predate the fossil record... That'd make them a couple of billion years old...and we've just never seen one till now. Right. I'd vote for outer space. No way those are local boys. -I might have an idea... We're gonna have to come up with some kind of plan or it's just gonna wait us to death. -We're gonna have to come up with some kind of plan or it's just gonna wait us to death. Well, I was wondering if we could... -I'll bet you're sorry the college ever sent you up here. Well, I'm scared, but I'm not sorry. -Well, I'm scared, but I'm not sorry. You know, Val went to that college, too. For a whole year. Couldn't quite sit still for it, though. Had too much vinegar in his system. But once he settles down, forgets this cowboy stuff, he'll be one in a million. -You know, up the jeep trail. The mountains are solid granite. We'd be safe there, and we could hike along them...all the way to Bixby if we have to. -Well, we can take my truck then. No good. You need major four- wheel-drive just to get up that jeep trail. -Oh my God. Son of a bitchin' lowlife, putrid, scum... -He'll never make it! They're gonna get him! VAL, STOP! THEY'RE COMING! DON'T MOVE! -We're not going over there, right? No. We go straight. -So...now what? Could we make it to the mountains? -Where the hell are they? Hope they didn't wise up. Nope, there! That's one. -Hi, guys. Burt loaned me his camera. Howdy, Rhonda. -Howdy, Rhonda. You're really leaving, huh? -You're really leaving, huh? You bet. You gonna be staying up here? -You bet. You gonna be staying up here? Well, yeah! There's going to be major research up here. First thing is to get some pictures of that one we dug up. -You didn't cook breakfast? Did it yesterday. Franks and beans. -Did it yesterday. Franks and beans. No...it was eggs. I did eggs. -No...it was eggs. I did eggs. Hell you did. Your turn. -How many cows does it take to make a stampede? Is it like three or more? Is there a minimum speed? I was in one. A bolt of lightning blew up cottonwood tree. Three hundred head going hell-bent for the horizon. Wasn't so damn funny, I can tell you. -If there was one nearby I'd probably ask him. I keep thinking, if we were but half serious about money, we should quit being hired hands and... -I keep thinking, if we were but half serious about money, we should quit being hired hands and... Handymen, Earl. We're handymen. -Handymen, Earl. We're handymen. Whatever the hell we are, we should quit and go get ourselves some real employment. -Goddamn jeep trail gets worse every year. Has a lot of rain. -You're gonna get us hung up. Do not talk to the driver. -Uh...Digging that waterhole for Nestor. Burt and Heather's place is closer. Let's do their kitchen today. Do Nestor tomorrow. -Burt and Heather's place is closer. Let's do their kitchen today. Do Nestor tomorrow. Nestor's out of town tomorrow. We don't dig today. We don't get paid today. Damn it, Valentine, you never plan ahead. You never take the long view. Hell, here it is Monday and I'm already working on Wednesday. It is Monday, right? -Who the hell's that? That's not what's his name...the grad student? Nah, it's September. Must be the new one. -Nah, it's September. Must be the new one. The new one! That's supposed to be a girl! -You know, if you wanted, we could take a look at those seismographs for her. What the hell do we know about seismographs? -What the hell do we know about seismographs? Nothing. But it sure might be a nice way of getting to know her. -Nothing. But it sure might be a nice way of getting to know her. Why? -Why? Goddamnit, Valentine, you won't go for any gal unless she fits that damn list of yours A to Z... -Goddamnit, Valentine, you won't go for any gal unless she fits that damn list of yours A to Z... Well, sure. -Well, sure. ...And is dumber than my hind end. Like that Bobby Lynn Dexter... -Tammy Lynn Baxter. Don't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. Can't make a decision, can't walk because of their shoes, can't work because of their fingernails. Make my skin crawl! -Don't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. Can't make a decision, can't walk because of their shoes, can't work because of their fingernails. Make my skin crawl! Well, I'm a victim of circumstance. -Well, I'm a victim of circumstance. I thought you called it your pecker. Look, don't make the mistake I made. Twenty years of looking for a woman exactly like Miss October 1968, and where'd it get me? Here with you. -Catch it later, Pham. Gotta get over to Nestor's. Right. We plan ahead. That way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me. -Why don't his parents ever take him to Vegas with them? You gotta ask that? -So what if we just did it...today. Pack up. Drive straight down to Bixby. Get serious. We could. We could. But we'd have to get really serious. It's gonna cost twice as much to rent a place. -We could. We could. But we'd have to get really serious. It's gonna cost twice as much to rent a place. So? That car wash pays good, and they're always looking. -So? That car wash pays good, and they're always looking. Car wash?! That's got no future. If we're gonna take the plunge we oughta have a better plan than that. -Car wash?! That's got no future. If we're gonna take the plunge we oughta have a better plan than that. Yeah, sure. Go ahead and plan it...for a year or two. -Well, you're the one won't work in the car wash. You're the one's gotta have a plan. Damn it, Val! Not having a plan is what keeps us doing jobs like this! -What keeps us doing jobs like this is you dragging your feet. I was up for going to Bixby. I was getting excited. "In the past year I must've said a hundred times ""We gotta get out of Perfection. We gotta better ourselves."" You gonna stand there in broad daylight and tell me you think I'm the reason we're still here? You want to know how close I am to going to Bixby right now?" -"In the past year I must've said a hundred times ""We gotta get out of Perfection. We gotta better ourselves."" You gonna stand there in broad daylight and tell me you think I'm the reason we're still here? You want to know how close I am to going to Bixby right now?" I'll call that little bluff. How close? -Uh oh, it's Nancy. She wants another load of firewood. Forget it, man. It's not worth it. -She's got us. Now, listen, the plan is: we have done our last job in Perfection. That's the plan. -We did it! We faced temptation and we did not bend! Damn straight! Now there's nothing between us and Bixby but nothing! -So long, cactus! Adios, bridge! -Jeez, look at that guy. One job I'd never take is working around electricity. -One job I'd never take is working around electricity. Especially when it's two hundred feet off the ground. -You're full of shit. He's only got one damn jacket. That's him, I'm telling you. -Reckon he hated Perfection more than us? You suppose he wanted to kill himself? If he did, why didn't he use his damn shotgun? -If he did, why didn't he use his damn shotgun? Maybe he just couldn't pull the trigger... -Maybe he just couldn't pull the trigger... Oh sure, he figured it was easier to die of thirst? Come on, sombody must've chased him up there. -Oh sure, he figured it was easier to die of thirst? Come on, sombody must've chased him up there. Oh, you mean somebody who ain't scared of a twelve gauge shotgun. And then what did they do? Camp out down below and just wait for him to die? -Well, whatever the hell happened it's just one more goddamn good reason to haul ass out of this place. You got that right. -Probably up a pole starving itself to death. Okay, the plan is: pedal to the metal the whole way. We don't stop till we hit the carwash, not even to pee. -Okay, the plan is: pedal to the metal the whole way. We don't stop till we hit the carwash, not even to pee. I'll go with that plan. -Oh, Jesus!! What the hell is going on? I mean WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!! -Brother, we decided to leave this place just one day too late, you know? Well, there's sure as hell nothing to stop us now. Everybody we know between here and Bixby is already dead. -Those assholes are supposed to be fixing the goddamn road! Hey! Where are you guys? People gotta use this road, you know! You on a booze break or what?! Val! Val! -Jesus! I don't believe this! You're hung up again. -You're hung up again. I am not! -Fuck you! Hey, I don't want spend the night out here! -It must've grabbed us. That's why the truck stalled-out. Yeah! Next time I tell you I'm not hung up...! -Slick as snot and I'm not lying. Fifteen lousy bucks. -Fifteen lousy bucks. A man who plans ahead. -Pham, we don't want to be stuck on a couple of canners. They better be fast. Relax. A snake thing like that couldn't move too quick. -Relax. A snake thing like that couldn't move too quick. Screw you. For all you know they could fly. -You want the rifle or the Smith? The rifle. -That means we're gonna be out here, like, in the dark. Great. Thank you. -Car's gone. We just missed them, that's all. Then where's the goddamn Conway Twitty coming from? -Here's the plan...We don't even stop. Ride like hell. Tonight we keep right on going. We'll walk the horses. That is the plan...I mean, goddamn it! What the hell are those things? How could they bury an entire Plymouth station wagon? -That is the plan...I mean, goddamn it! What the hell are those things? How could they bury an entire Plymouth station wagon? Why would they do it? -Shut up! They got wind of something they don't like! Oh shit! -What the hell are they? Sons of bitches! -This is one big mother! So this is the guy that had your seismos working overtime? -Hey, Rhonda, you ever heard of anything like this before? Sure, Earl, everybody knows about them. We just didn't tell you. Come on, nobody's ever seen one of these! We're really in on something here! -Pham Van don't get his mitts on this for no measly fifteen bucks! You got that right! -Here's the plan: we'll get a...a flatbed, I guess, with a big winch, figure a five ton anyway. Naw, don't want to winch it. That'd tear it all up. Want to lift it. Some kind of crane with lifting straps. -We'll take your word for it. Yeah. Where's your truck? -Prairie dog burrow... Little sons of bitches. -God, the live ones smell worse tan the dead ones. Okay, now, how far's your truck? -I don't know. If this one's any faster than that other one... I think we wait right here. -Well...haven't seen a sign for hours. Maybe it's long gone. Maybe it is. Why don't you take a little stroll and see? -Maybe it is. Why don't you take a little stroll and see? Fuck you, too. Pardon my French. -Son of a bitch! Son of a goddamned bitch! Been waiting there all this time. How the hell's it even know we're still here? -Son of a goddamned bitch! Been waiting there all this time. How the hell's it even know we're still here? It's been listening to us. It's got no eyes. It sure as hell can't smell anything underground, so I figure... -You know, I hate to be crude, but I'm gonna have to take care of some business here. Me, too. -Well, folks, what's the plan? First let's see if Stumpy's still out there. -Don't he have a home to go to? Well, that's why Edgar never got down off that tower. -Run for it? Running's not a plan. Running is what you do when the plan fails. You're not even trying to come up with a plan! Well, it's not like we've got a hell of a lot of options... -You go north, I'll go south. Right. -You're right, don't matter where they come from. Right. We need to be talking about what we're gonna do. -I'm gonna kick his ass! I'm gonna help you. -Shut it up! Shut the little bastard up! Chuck him out the door! Like a little hors d'oeuvre. -How the hell long it take you to change a tire? Just about too damn long. Bolt pattern's probably wrong anyway. -Just about too damn long. Bolt pattern's probably wrong anyway. We need another plan. -Wait a minute...the Cat. Could we take the Cat? Jesus. It's slower than hell. -Jesus. It's slower than hell. Yeah, but it weighs better than thirty tons. No way they could stop it. -But...we could pull something! We could, I don't know, drag a car behind it! A car, huh? Like a big armored car? Need something bigger, tougher...our truck maybe...or, hell, that old semi trailer! -A car, huh? Like a big armored car? Need something bigger, tougher...our truck maybe...or, hell, that old semi trailer! Its tires are flat... -Its tires are flat... Doesn't matter. The cat can pull anything. -Doesn't matter. The cat can pull anything. Well...all right! We just roll on out of here! -Well...all right! We just roll on out of here! We got a plan! -I'm making the run to the Cat. Like hell you are. -Like hell you are. Get real. I'm faster than you. -Get real. I'm faster than you. I'm best at driving the Cat. -I'm best at driving the Cat. Only if something happens to me. -Watch your ass, shithead. Don't worry about me, jerkoff. -Damn it. What the hell are they doing? They're up to something. I don't care what they're doing as long as they're doing it way over there. -Come on, everybody! We gotta run for those rocks over there! Jesus, Val, it's pretty far. -Well...that's it. We're not getting off this rock... Not going to pole vault anywhere. That's for sure. -Come on, you're not going to do your lasso thing...? Hey, just 'cause you're no good with a rope... -They're...they're trying to make us move! Or just knock us over. Look, use the bomb! -Or just knock us over. Look, use the bomb! It's out last one. We can't kill them all. -Use the fucking bomb! So, we get back on that rock and in three days we're dead anyway. -So, we get back on that rock and in three days we're dead anyway. I want to live for the three days. -What the hell are you doing?!! I GOT A GODDAMN PLAN!! -Light it, man! LIGHT IT!! Not yet, not yet... -Road's in! Road's in! Now, soon as we hit Bixby we start making phone calls. We could make some real money off this whole thing, get in People magazine... -Road's in! Now, soon as we hit Bixby we start making phone calls. We could make some real money off this whole thing, get in People magazine... People? Hell, National Geographic. -People? Hell, National Geographic. Sell the movie rights. We're going straight from blue-collar to white -collar. -Sell the movie rights. We're going straight from blue-collar to white -collar. Yeah...but no ties. -Yeah...but no ties. No ties. -Christ, Val, maybe she's not your type, but you could, at least, be civil. Civil? I'm civil. -Civil? I'm civil. You're not civil, you're glum. We got the world by the tail with a downhill pull and all of a sudden you go glum on me. -Somebody paying you to do this? She just practically asked you for a date. What the hell is wrong?! -Fine, make the mistakes I did. I think I'll just be playing this hand myself. What? -What? She likes both of us. We both helped her out. -She likes both of us. We both helped her out. You are so full of shit... -You are so full of shit... Oh yeah? Think about this: She ain't as narrow-minded as you. I'll lay odds she's looking for character in a man. For my part, I'd be proud to have her. I'd goddamn worship her. -How's she doing? She wants to lay down. I'm a little worried. -Well, I brung her something I know she likes. Damn, Fred, you can't give away all those. -Damn, Fred, you can't give away all those. Forget it. I got vegetables coming out my ears. Usually the varmints eat up half my crop, but lately I ain't so much as seen a gopher or a jack-rabbit nowheres. -Forget it. I got vegetables coming out my ears. Usually the varmints eat up half my crop, but lately I ain't so much as seen a gopher or a jack-rabbit nowheres. If that ain't the truth. And I count on them for a little bit of stew meat...Thank you, Fred. -We playing cards tonight? I think I'm gonna be sitting up with her. -I think I'm gonna be sitting up with her. I'd do the same. Well, catch you Thursday. -I'd do the same. Well, catch you Thursday. You bet. -Hi, guys, what you been up to? Ran into the new college student, Rona. -Down, honey, down. Yeah, Burt. The way you worry, you're gonna have a heart attack before you get to survive World War III. -Burt! Heather! Yeah, Val. -Yeah, Val. We're in deep shit over here. Let's change that plan. -We're here, Val. Just tell us what you need. Come back. They're tearing down the houses here! We all gotta get outta here together! Now! -Val, we're going to have to forget about the truck... Yeah, Heather, we got you. -I'm dead. Let's finish in the morning. We have to go into Bixby in the morning. The concrete blocks are in. -We have to go into Bixby in the morning. The concrete blocks are in. The con...! Oh my God. -The con...! Oh my God. Just keep looking at that beautiful sky. -Just keep looking at that beautiful sky. What? -What? That's the sky that's going to be over our roof every night, when we're done. -That's the sky that's going to be over our roof every night, when we're done. Ah, but consider this, if we don't finish the roof, we can looks at that sky all the time. -Well, what's wrong with it? It's...gone...! -You sure this is where it was? Am I sure?! It was right there. There's the cord. -Come on. Get away from it! God, what a stink! -Hey Val, listen. Bearing going out, you think? Could be. -And I appreciate it. You don't get it, Pham. The idea was: we were ripping you off. -I don't believe this. The phone is out! Pham, your phone is out! I didn't do it! What's going on? -Twenty. Okay, ten dollars. -I've got a plan. You and Val take your truck, get to the mountains. Hike to Bixby. Get us some help. Those scumsuckers are my radials, Pham! -Hi, I'm Rhonda. Rhonda LeBeck. I'm up here for the semester... Yeah, geography. -Yeah, geography. Right, geology. And you have to be Val and Earl. I've heard all about you. -Listen, got a question for you. Do you know if anybody is doing any blasting or drilling or anything like that? Around here? Why would they? -Around here? Why would they? Well, I'm supposed monitor these seismographs. You know, they measure vibrations... -Well, I'm supposed monitor these seismographs. You know, they measure vibrations... Yeah, vibrations in the ground. -Yeah, vibrations in the ground. "Yeah, well, I'm getting what I refer to scientifically as ""weird vibes."" every sensor I've got is giving me strange readings. I mean, the school has had these machines up here three years and they've never recorded anything like this." -Darn it! You okay? -You okay? Yeah. But I'll tell you, if you ever wanted proof God is a man, this is it. -Think it's still following us? Let's assume that it is. -Ready? Yeah. One, two, three... -Rhonda's got an idea about that. Yes, see, they move very easily through the Pleistocene Alluvials... ...the dirt...the loose soil that makes up the valley floor. But they can't move through solid rock. I think we should travel west to the mountains. -You paying attention? This oughta hurt like hell. It does. -What's it doing? Why do you all keep asking me? -Yeah, they're confused. They can feel our vibrations, but they can't find us. They're working together, too. -What?!! Since when the hell's every goddamn thing up to us?! You guys do all the odd jobs. -Look, the situation hasn't changed. We still have to get to solid rock. There must be some way! Like what?! There's nothing left that'll make it to the mountains! -Listen, they only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we... distract them somehow? Yeah, good! Something to keep them busy. We need a decoy. -I think the ground's getting closer. I think we do it. We're gonna save our asses here! Wait! How are you going to know they're all following it? -Wait! How are you going to know they're all following it? Good point. -It worked! There they go! LET'S DO IT! -I brought it... to the coroner. An hour after you picked it up! -From Chinatown... Which is right up the street from the morgue! Where did you go with the body? What did you do with it? Please... I need to sleep... -You're fishing. You don't know shit. I know about Esparza. -...we had to lick his boots clean. He was your snitch. -He was your snitch. Our own Colombian Connection... For three years... Three years of ball breaking detective work. And we put a lotta bad guys behind bars. -Our own Colombian Connection... For three years... Three years of ball breaking detective work. And we put a lotta bad guys behind bars. And one good guy. -Demerol? What the fuck is your problem, man? You wanna die? I'm dead. We're both dead. -...Where're we goin'? That-a-boy. Hospital. -That-a-boy. Hospital. I don' need a hospital... I feel fine. -I don' need a hospital... I feel fine. Too fine, Badalato. The bad news is, you're gonna live. -The photo on the left shows the bullet that killed Jimmy Chin, true? True. -True. And the one on the right is the bullet you test-fired from Shu's gun? -And the one on the right is the bullet you test-fired from Shu's gun? Correct. -You would have the court believe that these two bullets were fired from the same gun? Absolutely. -Or this -- is this a significant difference? No it is not, Mr. Dowd. -Forensic ballistics isn't an exact science, is it? It most certainly is. -It most certainly is. Isn't there a ten to fifteen-percent margin of error? -Isn't there a ten to fifteen-percent margin of error? Absolutely not. No more than seven percent. -Absolutely not. No more than seven percent. In other words, seven times out of a hundred, you're wrong! -Ms. Vin's sister. I have to talk to your brother. -I have to talk to your brother. The hell you do. At this hour? -Gimme back my bottle. Let go of my hair. -Don't hurt him. Where's the nearest hospital? -Where's the nearest hospital? Bellevue. Straight up First -- -Objection, your Honor! The fact that the witness is currently a patient is immaterial! Sustained. -I will allow the witness to testify. With the understanding that your questions are confined to the area of Mr. Kim's modus operandi. -- With objection! --- With objection! So noted. -Your Honor, that's not fair -- ! Complain to the Bar Commission. -Objection. Sustained. -I move that the witness's testimony be stricken. He has clearly been terrorized by the prosecution, he's -- The testimony will remain in the record. Do you wish to cross-examine? -Good morning, Mr. Dowd. Do you think you might be up to cross-examining Mr. Ortega this morning? Your Honor: I imagine that, no matter how careful my questioning, Mr. Ortega would, in his well-intentioned way, dig my client's hole even deeper. -Well then, does the defense have any witnesses? I suppose I could find an inmate who'd say that Shu boasted about Chinatown just to survive in the joint -- though he didn't really do it... --- Then you don't wish to call any witnesses, Mr. Dowd? I would like to put Shu's alleged crime in a context, your Honor. And we do have the foremost expert on prison and street gangs right here in this room... If it please the court, I'd like to call Mr. Reynard. -You can't come back here... Anything happens to you I'm liable. I'm a lawyer. The firm is thinking about renovating. Everything dates back to the Sixties. -I'm a lawyer. The firm is thinking about renovating. Everything dates back to the Sixties. I noticed. -I noticed. Do you see a toilet here you think is really me? -Look, I'm a lawyer and -- -- I don't care who you are. You could've been killed. Every man and woman in here has done hard prison time. And we look out for each other. --- I don't care who you are. You could've been killed. Every man and woman in here has done hard prison time. And we look out for each other. """We""?" -"""We""?" "I did five years in Attica. Lot of cons helped me in the joint. But I never got help from any lawyer... I built this business for guys like me who couldn't get a break anywhere else. ""Art's Supplies"" is for ex- cons. Not lawyers." -"""Art's Supplies"" is founded on trust, Mister --" Dowd. Eddie Dowd. -Dowd. Eddie Dowd. If you'd had the sense to ask for my help, I might've helped you. But you've probably scared Chuckie Roeder off for good, I have a whole bunch of jumpy employees to handle and you're both going to be on your way. Now. -"What, ""everything""? You shot a corpse. I don't give a shit about that -- !" Let's snuff this lowlife! -Let's snuff this lowlife! Hey -- the fact you popped Jimmy Chin in broad daylight proves it wasn't premeditated. Jury'll sympathize -- dude was banging your wife, right? -Hey -- the fact you popped Jimmy Chin in broad daylight proves it wasn't premeditated. Jury'll sympathize -- dude was banging your wife, right? Shut your sewer mouth! -Clyde, you wait here. Glenn, got a minute? I had a minute before the Mapp hearing -- but I couldn't get you on the phone, Eddie... -I had a minute before the Mapp hearing -- but I couldn't get you on the phone, Eddie... Yeah, well I had reasonable cause to believe the judge might've heard of the Fourth Amendment. -No it's not the only issue. There's another issue, for the jury. What about entrapment? What about entrapment? -"We don't prosecute people because in the abstract they might be weak. Judge Brandeis said it best: Entrapment is a ""dirty business!""" Can't I take a simple piss without -- -Haven't heard that one before, Ed. But I guess I'll be hearing it again. Not necessarily... -Come now. Did you see the gun? I can describe it. -I can describe it. Oh really? -Oh really? It was silver, with a stubby barrel... snub-nosed, I think they call it... It wasn't automatic, it had one of those... cylinders... -It was silver, with a stubby barrel... snub-nosed, I think they call it... It wasn't automatic, it had one of those... cylinders... You can't remember that -- ! -You can't remember that -- ! I can see the hammer still, it was cocked... -I can see the hammer still, it was cocked... How can you remember that? -How can you remember that? I didn't take my eyes off it! -I didn't take my eyes off it! Ah. -Not the whole time, of course. I -- No further questions. -Exactly what information led you to arrest my client just two-and-a-half hours after the shooting took place? We had a description of the suspect. -We had a description of the suspect. "A ""description""? What, Asian male 18 to 30, black hair, brown eyes?" -We had information bearing on Mr. Kim's desire to gain admission into the Joe Boys by assassinating a member of a rival gang. "Didn't this ""information"" come from the Joe Boys themselves -- did they not all but hand you Shu Kai Kim, a Korean, an outsider?" -You're implying that I planted a gun? Not at all -- -Not at all -- Kim's prints were all over it -- He admitted it was his gun, f'r godsake! -Kim's prints were all over it -- He admitted it was his gun, f'r godsake! Your Honor, the witness' response was non-responsive... I ask you to strike it from the record...! -You see that? You wanna be like that? No. No... -No. No... You fucking swear to shut up! -We have a full caseload, Rog. Right, I forgot... We're pledged to protect every mid-level drug dealer in the Tri-state area. It's an awesome responsibility. -Right, I forgot... We're pledged to protect every mid-level drug dealer in the Tri-state area. It's an awesome responsibility. I don't venerate drug dealers, Roger. To the contrary. -I don't venerate drug dealers, Roger. To the contrary. Of course. -Of course. ...through use of informants, eavesdropping, unreasonable search and seizure...! -...through use of informants, eavesdropping, unreasonable search and seizure...! Right. You're right. -Right. You're right. Damn right I'm right. -It's just... I leave behind friends, family, a coupla good job offers in Chicago and in three dizzying weeks I've helped acquit a coke dealer, a speed dealer -- I specialize, Roger... -I specialize, Roger... -- an angel dust dealer -- --- an angel dust dealer -- I'm not a kid anymore, I can't be all over the map -- -I'm not a kid anymore, I can't be all over the map -- -- a speed manufacturer -- --- a speed manufacturer -- So go take your job on Wall Street. -So go take your job on Wall Street. Don't tell me where to work. I moved to New York to work for Edward Dowd. But I can't believe that Edward Dowd has nothing better to do these days than invoke exalted legal issues to get off guilty little -- -Don't tell me where to work. I moved to New York to work for Edward Dowd. But I can't believe that Edward Dowd has nothing better to do these days than invoke exalted legal issues to get off guilty little -- Hey. You plan to be a criminal defense attorney, know this going in: Everybody's guilty. -Ten years is a long time. Look -- I'm tired, I'll see you in the morning, Eddie. -Where? Ossining Correctional Facility. Sing Sing. Everybody's innocent there, man... Just ask 'em... -"Kim got busted at 19 for burglary. At 20 he was convicted in the shooting death of a young Chinese gang lord... The prosecution claimed Kim did it to get into ""the Joe Boys""?" Chinatown street gang. -Chinatown street gang. Kim denied it. But he admitted the gun was his, and he got life. Seems to have been an okay prisoner for eight years, til the... incident with Duane Lindeman. -Kim denied it. But he admitted the gun was his, and he got life. Seems to have been an okay prisoner for eight years, til the... incident with Duane Lindeman. -- The Nazi he knifed? -At the trial, you said you were at your apartment that night. Alone. -- Remember? -...So what would we claim? He stabbed Duane Lindeman in self-defense? With two knives taped to his hands? Forget it, Rog. -I feel like I've been mugged... Guy scared the shit out of me. You made your point, Eddie... I'm relieved we're not taking the case. We're taking the other case. -We're taking the other case. What other case? -What other case? Eight years ago. The Chinatown hit. -Some gang punk gets wasted in front of the tourists. The mayor pressures the cops. The cops pressure the rival gang -- the Joe Boys. The Joes give up Shu Kai Kim -- the schmuck kid from Korea who's been pestering 'em to get in. You really think that's what happened? -You really think that's what happened? I don't know but it makes one hell of an opening statement. --- Easy as that, huh? Easy? No... We have to find some piece of evidence that got buried, to reopen the sucker. -Easy? No... We have to find some piece of evidence that got buried, to reopen the sucker. ...Are you sure we want that? -When did you start working for the goddam D.A.? Eddie... I don't know about this... -Eddie... What's a DD-5? A Complaint Follow-Up form. -A Complaint Follow-Up form. "-- Listen: ""November 5, 1980. Cecil Stipe walked into 5th Precinct. Says he witnessed Chin shooting, saw suspect's picture in Post. Says Shu Kai Kim wrong man.""" -"-- Listen: ""November 5, 1980. Cecil Stipe walked into 5th Precinct. Says he witnessed Chin shooting, saw suspect's picture in Post. Says Shu Kai Kim wrong man.""" """Cecil Stipe""? Have we seen any affadavit with that name?" -That DD-5. What, the lunatic who -- -What, the lunatic who -- """Cecil Stipe."" Find it." -Do you have to do that? """Have to""? No..." -Shoulda told the one about Shu being the bastard child of Mother Theresa. Saving it for the Sunday Times. -His name is Chuckie Roeder. But something's very weird. -- You found his mugshot? -They're just frightened, fucked-up losers that prison fucked up worse. I didn't ask for a closing argument. -I didn't ask for a closing argument. There's no one else to talk to. The tattoos were phony! -There's no one else to talk to. The tattoos were phony! -- Yeah? --- Yeah? So an upstanding member of the Aryan Warriors wouldn't paint them on. They take those teardrops seriously -- they're badges of courage, of honor. Only their most vicious killer elite get to wear them...! -So an upstanding member of the Aryan Warriors wouldn't paint them on. They take those teardrops seriously -- they're badges of courage, of honor. Only their most vicious killer elite get to wear them...! I feel much better now. -I feel much better now. Hey, Clyde Gruner sold these guys a pound of crystal meth at cost. We're Clyde's buddies, it's cool. Next exit. -Uh, Eddie? The, um, ballistics guy, George...? He called, and... His tests show that Shu's gun fired the bullet that killed Jimmy Chin. George is a fucking burnout case. I didn't want him on the stand anyway. Get more names from Billy. -A fucking wheelchair? A spinal injury, in the line of duty. It was in Kitty's report... -Eddie Dowd. Roger Baron. -Goddam it... the little punk bests me again, I get thrown down and lectured at and where the hell were you? 1530 Rivington Street. -1530 Rivington Street. -- What? --- What? Chuckie's address. I sneaked a peek at the Rolodex. -Chuckie's address. I sneaked a peek at the Rolodex. You sneaked a peek at the Rolodex. Nice. -So what're we gonna do? ...What do you mean? -...What do you mean? Well, I mean, Roeder's gone, now... A dead end. Believe me, I'm sorry too, but... -Well, I mean, Roeder's gone, now... A dead end. Believe me, I'm sorry too, but... But what? -But what? I've heard from the last ballistics expert on the list. It's an even ten who say Shu's gun killed Jimmy Chin! -I've heard from the last ballistics expert on the list. It's an even ten who say Shu's gun killed Jimmy Chin! That's why I hate experts. -That's why I hate experts. Eddie... it's one thing to compare Clyde Gruner to Jesus Christ. It's even okay to claim that Shu Kai Kim is just slightly holier than the Pope... as long as you don't really believe it! -Eddie... it's one thing to compare Clyde Gruner to Jesus Christ. It's even okay to claim that Shu Kai Kim is just slightly holier than the Pope... as long as you don't really believe it! Hey -- you believe what you want. Shu Kai Kim is innocent. -Hey -- you believe what you want. Shu Kai Kim is innocent. -- Eddie... --- Eddie... You know how I know? 'Cause Reynard says he's guilty, and Reynard's full of shit! Look -- -You're carrying that around like it was a picture of your girlfriend! I don't want to see your heart broken when this case crashes and burns! That's not gonna happen. I'm gonna create reasonable doubt. Buckle your seatbelt and watch me work. -But Roeder's dead. Ballistics says it's Shu! We don't have one witness -- unless we put Cecil Stipe on the stand... I'm not that desperate. -I'm not that desperate. I am. Eddie -- we've got nothing. -I am. Eddie -- we've got nothing. I've got a meeting in Chinatown. -I've got a meeting in Chinatown. Let's get a cab. -Let's get a cab. -- Roger -- ? -Eddie -- it's Art Esparza! What's Art Esparza? -What's Art Esparza? I think he hired Shu to kill Jimmy Chin... It wasn't a Chinatown gang hit -- Jimmy Chin and Art's wife were lovers! She just about told me...! -I think he hired Shu to kill Jimmy Chin... It wasn't a Chinatown gang hit -- Jimmy Chin and Art's wife were lovers! She just about told me...! You phoned up Art Esparza's wife? -You phoned up Art Esparza's wife? I followed her from the courthouse. --- What? I've seen this picture before. -They could've been brothers. It's why the eyewitnesses picked Shu. Christ... Shu is innocent. -"""The killer wasn't Chinese""... Cecil Stipe was right. .!" Everyone else was wrong and the one fucking lunatic was right! -...Jesus! Least we'd already be at the Morgue. -How long did it take Badalato to drive Jimmy Chin's body from Chinatown to the morgue? ... An hour. That's why I thought the morgue was on the other side of town. -You're the police expert in Chinatown gangs? ...For ten years, now. -...For ten years, now. Do you speak Cantonese, Mandarin, or both? -Do you speak Cantonese, Mandarin, or both? -- Me? Neither. -Pardon... Which dialect do you speak? Neither. -They're Chinamen who speak English. We call them informants. And I call your testimony hearsay. I have no more questions for you. -Murder witness. You're doing a murder case? -You're doing a murder case? It hasn't been that long. -Stipe was just one of four eyewitnesses who came forward, Kitty. Y'oughta start looking for the others... Eddie, I'm not working on this case. You boys have fun. -Lemme guess. Some corporate V.P.'s banging his secretary over lunch and you have to focus your camera and plug in your little tape recorder. Beats getting paid in twenties by slimedogs selling angel dust to high school seniors. -Beats getting paid in twenties by slimedogs selling angel dust to high school seniors. Kitty, where exactly do you place the microphone to catch the most incriminating moans? -Just which Constitutional amendment protects our right to peddle PCP? Forget it. You've blown your chance to participate in this case, Kitty. -Forget it. You've blown your chance to participate in this case, Kitty. I'm kicking myself, Eddie... Right out of here. -Start looking into the Joe Boys -- who assigned the hits in 1980, what rank generally did the hits... Your extensive law enforcement contacts should be of some use. I was never politically correct enough for Comrade Dowd. -I embellished. """Dowd also reports that his team of private investigators...""?" -"""Dowd also reports that his team of private investigators...""?" I embroidered. -I embroidered. """...are close to naming the man they believe actually killed Jimmy Chin""?" -"""...are close to naming the man they believe actually killed Jimmy Chin""?" I lied. -So there goes your theory about the Joes giving up Shu to protect their trigger man. But I like that theory. And since I'm not putting Twerp Professor on the stand, and since I don't have a better theory, I'm sticking with that theory. Meantime I want pictures of the Joes. What'll you bet there was a guy in the gang looked enough like Shu to fool the eyewitnesses! -I've phoned every art supply retailer and wholesaler in the Tri-state area. No one's heard of Chuckie Roeder. Have you considered that Chuckie Roeder's not calling himself Chuckie Roeder these days? Get his mugshot from one of the many law officers who've got hotpants for you... then canvass those art supplies places. We're gonna win this one, Kitty, but ya gotta believe... -A fucking wheelchair? I didn't put him in a wheelchair. Reynard did. He can get around without one -- it's all in my report. -I didn't put him in a wheelchair. Reynard did. He can get around without one -- it's all in my report. I don't have time to read every word in every report, I'm too busy getting killed in court... Meantime my crackerjack investigator can't find the goddam art supplies store where Chuckie-fucking-Roeder works! --- Find him? Eddie, these things take time. Particularly at this hour... -The Joe Boys in 1980...! A number of them are dead, three are in prison, one's a waiter... Two -- you'll enjoy this -- two are actually members of the Chamber of Commerce. -I haven't thanked you for your work, Kitty. You're doing good work. I'm a professional, Eddie. Getting paid is all the thanks I require. -I'm a professional, Eddie. Getting paid is all the thanks I require. I haven't paid you. -I haven't paid you. Right. -Got any booze in the house? "You don't drink ""booze""." -"You don't drink ""booze""." You do. -You do. Eddie, if I wanted to make love with you again, I'd do it sober. -Eddie this is silly... are we supposed to pretend nothing's happened in the last ten years and -- Nothing has. But that's all changing. -Eddie... A guilty client's not the end of the world... EXACTLY! -Eddie... go home. Get some sleep. I don't need sleep! -I don't need sleep! I need sleep. Some of us are mere mortals. -I need sleep. Some of us are mere mortals. Screw you too, Kitty. -My mother find you? That's right. -That's right. Figures. -Figures. Want to tell me what went down here? -Want to tell me what went down here? Racist asshole came at me. -Racist asshole came at me. Exactly what happened then? -Exactly what happened then? I killed the motherfucker. -I killed the motherfucker. ...Okay... -An Aryan Warrior with black teardrops painted on his face. """Painted""?" -But why would a guy would do that? Paint black teardrops on his face? I guess he... wanted you to think he was... somebody he wasn't. -I guess he... wanted you to think he was... somebody he wasn't. But why? -But why? Maybe... because someone's afraid. -Maybe... because someone's afraid. Afraid of what? -Afraid of what? I don't know. The truth, maybe. -I don't know. The truth, maybe. -- About what? --- About what? About Chinatown. What went down. -About Chinatown. What went down. What went down? -What went down? You tell me, man. -You tell me, man. No. You tell me, Shu. -No. You tell me, Shu. How can I tell you what I don't know! -How can I tell you what I don't know! You can't. So tell me what you do know -- say it! -You can't. So tell me what you do know -- say it! I don't know shit, man! Goddammit -- -I don't know shit, man! Goddammit -- Well I know that you're innocent, Shu -- even if you forgot. -No. """No,"" what?" -...I'm dying out there. It's okay, Eddie. -Quite a bit you didn't tell me. When I joined up I took an oath of secrecy. I told you what you needed to know. -I didn't need to know that a man I'm defending on a gang-murder rap is a prison soldier who kills over drugs? It was self-defense. -It was self-defense. Jimmy Chin? Was that self-defense too? --- How could I help you? By trusting me. Shit, man... -When you leave this place you're going out to dinner or a movie or get laid. Where's our bond? I'm going back to my cell and wait to die. So tell me: Where's our bond? For awhile we had this dream we were innocent. That was our bond... but then we woke up. And now I'd like to hear everything. -'lo, Cecil. See-cil. -See-cil. See-cil. I'm Eddie Dowd, this is Roger Baron. We're lawyers. -Oh come on, Cecil. Hey, Chinese people have this energy field that vibrates at a particular frequency. -I did two tours in 'Nam... Good. Now we're going to take an affadavit from you, but only concerning the facts of the Chinatown shooting. We honestly don't give a shit about the Kennedy assassination. -Are you willing to testify that the man you saw shoot Jimmy Chin was not the man the cops arrested? They g-got the wrong g-guy. -They g-got the wrong g-guy. When the D.A. hears I filed the writ, he'll send someone here, maybe claiming to be a journalist. That person will ask you lots of questions. Just be truthful, Cecil, okay? To all of us? -When the D.A. hears I filed the writ, he'll send someone here, maybe claiming to be a journalist. That person will ask you lots of questions. Just be truthful, Cecil, okay? To all of us? I always t-tell the truth. That's why I'm here. -...You told the Desk Sergeant you were certain Mr. Kim wasn't the killer? You left your telephone number? Y-yes, sir. -Y-yes, sir. Did the police make any attempt to phone you, to follow up? -Did the police make any attempt to phone you, to follow up? No, s-sir. -No, s-sir. Thank you, Mr. Stipe. -I'd l-like to answer the question. Mr. Rabin has no right to -- -Edward T. Dowd. Don Reynard. -Of course you know Dean Rabin, one of my Assistant D.A.s. Dean generally handles nuisance cases like the... what's the man's name? Shu Kai Kim. -Shu Kai Kim. You won't remember this, but in '72 I was one of several prosecutors assigned to the Black Panther-Police Shootout. We had a whole team, and you walked into court by yourself and kicked our collective butt. So what've you been up to since then? -You won't remember this, but in '72 I was one of several prosecutors assigned to the Black Panther-Police Shootout. We had a whole team, and you walked into court by yourself and kicked our collective butt. So what've you been up to since then? This and that. -This and that. My staff tells me it's been mostly drug pushers... I said that can't be the same Edward Dowd. -My staff tells me it's been mostly drug pushers... I said that can't be the same Edward Dowd. It's in the area of narcotics, Mr. Reynard, that the government tramples on the Fourth Amendment. -It's in the area of narcotics, Mr. Reynard, that the government tramples on the Fourth Amendment. Let's not drag the Constitution into this. -I'm sorry if I've ruined your day, Mr. Reynard. But my client's had a rough eight years behind bars and -- Your client is guilty. Don't dick around with me. -"Back in the Seventies I spent years putting away gangsters in a Colombian syndicate called ""the Ochoa"". These guys are very dangerous, Ed. When I hear that a small-time dope lawyer is conniving to spring one of these guys, I see red." I'd have that checked, Mr. Reynard. -Now maybe you got this case reopened because you see yourself as a thorn in society's side, or you want to walk into any restaurant in Chinatown and get free dumplings... Are you implying that my motives are less than sincere? -Are you implying that my motives are less than sincere? Yes, but that's not the issue. What's on your wish list, Ed? Pleading Kim out to first degree man on both homicides, with an agreed sentence of 15 to life running concurrent? Come on... What're you looking for here? -Yes, but that's not the issue. What's on your wish list, Ed? Pleading Kim out to first degree man on both homicides, with an agreed sentence of 15 to life running concurrent? Come on... What're you looking for here? What am I looking for? You're the one talking deal. -What am I looking for? You're the one talking deal. Friday's the drop-dead date on the offer. -Friday's the drop-dead date on the offer. Please don't bullshit me, Mr. Reynard. You've got witness problems, you've got proof problems... -Please don't bullshit me, Mr. Reynard. You've got witness problems, you've got proof problems... You're my only problem, Ed. What does it take to make you go away? -I see: He'd walk out next month. That's right. -That's right. We reconvict, your man's looking at 25 years on two counts, served consecutively. So what I'd like to ask, Ed, is: Are you joking? -We reconvict, your man's looking at 25 years on two counts, served consecutively. So what I'd like to ask, Ed, is: Are you joking? I never joke about waiving a client's Sixth Amendment right to trial. -I never joke about waiving a client's Sixth Amendment right to trial. You're pissing me off again, Ed. -You're pissing me off again, Ed. You know you're very tense, Mr. Reynard. Y'oughta take a week off, fly the wife and kids to Oahu. -But now you've strayed from your area of expertise -- dope -- into street assassins. A subject on which you're dangerously ignorant. But I'm a quick study. Tell your Deputy D.A. -- Rabin? -- that I'll see him in court. -But I'm a quick study. Tell your Deputy D.A. -- Rabin? -- that I'll see him in court. No, Mr. Dowd, you'll see me in court. I'm prosecuting this case. -I'll prosecute anyone who fucks up. If that makes me look racist, it's a trade-off I'll live with, Ed. That's big of you, Bob. -"Isn't it a fact that the ""six other Asian men"" in the line-up were all of the classic Mongoloid type, whereas Shu has the distinct facial bone structure of a Korean?" Objection. The witness is not an expert in racial classification. -Objection. The witness is not an expert in racial classification. Isn't it a standard trick to pack a line-up with men who resemble each other but look different than the suspect, so the suspect will stand out for the eyewitnesses? -Isn't it a standard trick to pack a line-up with men who resemble each other but look different than the suspect, so the suspect will stand out for the eyewitnesses? Argumentative. -Isn't it unusual for a man who's just committed a murder in plain sight to bring the weapon back to his apartment? Calls for speculation. -You don't speak any Chinese dialects? Then you get your intelligence from snitches? Badgering. -To the best of your recollection, were you sober when you performed the tests? Objection. -Your Honor, that's trial by ambush! We just discovered him, your Honor! His appearance is critical to a fair presentation of our case! He is an inmate at Ossining Correctional and -- -We just discovered him, your Honor! His appearance is critical to a fair presentation of our case! He is an inmate at Ossining Correctional and -- -- Objection, your Honor! This case has no connection with any subsequent act my client may be charged with! --- Objection, your Honor! This case has no connection with any subsequent act my client may be charged with! The witness will substantiate Mr. Kim's modus operandi. It's circumstantial evidence in the case at hand! -The witness is recalcitrant, your Honor -- I had to personally make a body attachment this morning -- it took two Marshalls to drag him here! The great personal sacrifices endured by Mr. Reynard have no bearing on the legal issues, your Honor -- ! -The great personal sacrifices endured by Mr. Reynard have no bearing on the legal issues, your Honor -- ! Your Honor, I know as much about these gangs as anyone; I'm well aware of the secrecy in which their machinations are cloaked... I assure you this witness offers the court a rare opportunity to place the defendant's crime -- -Your Honor, I know as much about these gangs as anyone; I'm well aware of the secrecy in which their machinations are cloaked... I assure you this witness offers the court a rare opportunity to place the defendant's crime -- -- alleged crime -- --- alleged crime -- -- in a context. --- Can't Mr. Dowd find his own expert witness, your Honor? I'd need a continuance. Three weeks at least. -Yes, Mr. Dowd. Didn't this investigation, with its attendant publicity, catapult you into the office you now hold? -Didn't this investigation, with its attendant publicity, catapult you into the office you now hold? "If I were sitting where I normally sit, I would say ""Calls for speculation.""" -Did you do any hands-on work or did you just supervise, from on high? Mr. Dowd, I was personally involved with all phases -- and principals -- of the investigation. -Mr. Dowd, I was personally involved with all phases -- and principals -- of the investigation. And who were the detectives who assisted you, Mr. Reynard? -Lou Sklaroff, Vin Badalato, Dave Montell. The same three detectives on the Jimmy Chin case. -In those days, they often worked as a team. And who was Arturo Esparza? -I don't think I know that name. -- But you just said you were personally involved with all the principals of the investigation. --- But you just said you were personally involved with all the principals of the investigation. I can't be expected to remember the name of every informant eight years after the fact. -I can't be expected to remember the name of every informant eight years after the fact. I didn't say he was an informant. But since you mentioned it, wasn't Esparza your primary informant? -I didn't say he was an informant. But since you mentioned it, wasn't Esparza your primary informant? You're trespassing into the area of witness protection, Mr. Dowd. Such showboating puts lives at risk. -Isn't it true that without Esparza, you had no investigation? I think you're a dangerous man, Mr. Dowd. -I think you're a dangerous man, Mr. Dowd. I hope so, Mr. Reynard. -No. No? Then what did he say? -You read Eddie's Chase Manhattan Bombing summation in the Leftist Law anthology? -- Eddie told you? -My skip-trace turned up two Cecil Stipes. One's in Butte, Montana. Other's at Riverhead Veterans Psychiatric. I'll take odds on Cecil Number Two. -I'll take odds on Cecil Number Two. So what'd this guy do? Snitch off a dealer? -You getting this? -- Every word. --- Every word. But they've still got Laura Gordon -- and she was the closest, about 20 feet from the killer. -It's okay. It was always like that. Shouldn't one of us...? -Shouldn't one of us...? No -- leave him be. It's better for everyone. -What do you want? I'm Roger Baron. I work with Edward Dowd. -What were you... Why were you at Shu's trial this afternoon? -- What trial? -I followed you here from court. I knew Jimmy Chin. The boy who was shot. Okay? -I knew Jimmy Chin. The boy who was shot. Okay? ...And you were at the trial to... to see that justice was done? -...And you were at the trial to... to see that justice was done? That's right. -Then it was your idea to have Chuckie Roeder scare Eddie off the case? -- Why don't you ask Chuckie? --- Why don't you ask Chuckie? Chuckie OD'd, Mrs. Esparza. He's dead. -Look. Mister -- -- Roger -- --- Roger -- You mustn't talk to Art. You mustn't tell Art that I was at the trial. Do you hear me? -Mr. Ortega, you've known the defendant at Ossining Correctional for how long? I would tend to plead the Fifth. -Five years. "Mr. Ortega... What is ""La Compania""?" -"Mr. Ortega... What is ""La Compania""?" A Cubano army, basically... inside and outside prisons. -A Cubano army, basically... inside and outside prisons. And its purpose? -And its purpose? Fighting the Aryan Warriors and the Black Guerrillas, basically. -Fighting the Aryan Warriors and the Black Guerrillas, basically. For control of the prison drug trade? -For control of the prison drug trade? I would tend to plead the Fifth. -Do the rival gangs compete for control of the prison drug trade? Yeah, we do some of that. -Yeah, we do some of that. What is your rank within La Compania? -"""Name, rank and serial,"" Mr. Ortega. Let's not hide behind the Fifth." I'm a soldado in the G-Wing Regiment. -I'm a soldado in the G-Wing Regiment. And what does a soldado -- a soldier -- do? -And what does a soldado -- a soldier -- do? A soldado, he runs messages and materiel between the regiments... -A soldado, he runs messages and materiel between the regiments... """Materiel""? What do you mean by that?" -"""Materiel""? What do you mean by that?" Cigarettes, candy bars... PCP, crack... -Cigarettes, candy bars... PCP, crack... If a member of the Aryan Brothers tries to cut in on your distribution? -If a member of the Aryan Brothers tries to cut in on your distribution? ...A soldado, he takes care of it. -...A soldado, he takes care of it. "By ""takes care of,"" you mean ""kills""." -"By ""takes care of,"" you mean ""kills""." That's right. -Mr. Ortega, what is Shu Kai Kim's rank within La Compania? Soldado. -Soldado. Isn't it unusual for an Asian to be accepted into a Cuban prison gang? -Isn't it unusual for an Asian to be accepted into a Cuban prison gang? Shu's the only one I know of... -Shu's the only one I know of... And why was an exception made? -And why was an exception made? Chinatown. Sounded pretty cold... -Chinatown. Sounded pretty cold... You mean to say Mr. Kim told you that he murdered Jimmy Chin? -You're a l-lawyer? I... I haven't had my meds, or m-my vital signs t-taken yet. I... Mr. Stipe. A young man named Jimmy Chin was shot to death eight years ago, in Chinatown. Do you remember talking to the police? -Mr. Stipe. A young man named Jimmy Chin was shot to death eight years ago, in Chinatown. Do you remember talking to the police? That guy they arrested -- he was the wrong g-guy. -I think what Eddie wants to say is -- No! They g-got the wrong guy! I saw it! The killer wasn't Chinese. -CIA? Telephone. I suppose you don't know the phone company killed Kennedy because he was trying to b-break it up -- and they'll never let that happen. They control everything: what you say in the mouthpiece is never exactly what comes out the other end, and -- -Telephone. I suppose you don't know the phone company killed Kennedy because he was trying to b-break it up -- and they'll never let that happen. They control everything: what you say in the mouthpiece is never exactly what comes out the other end, and -- The phone company was broken up. -The phone company was broken up. And you b-believe that. -Cooper, the ooze of mumbo jumbo is rising up above our heads. Do you honestly think Cole's practice of word association works? The very fact that we are talking about word association means we are in a space that was opened up by our practice of word association. The world is a hologram, Albert. -The very fact that we are talking about word association means we are in a space that was opened up by our practice of word association. The world is a hologram, Albert. Yes, it's a great big psychedelic circus ride, isn't it, Cooper? -Yes, it's a great big psychedelic circus ride, isn't it, Cooper? Albert. -Albert. "You said, ""Teresa Banks"", so you think something is going on somewhere in the world right now that is connected with her murder?" -"You said, ""Teresa Banks"", so you think something is going on somewhere in the world right now that is connected with her murder?" Yes. Either right now or right when I thought of it. The name and memory of Teresa Banks is haunting me. Lately I have been filled with a knowingness that the murderer will strike again. Because it is only a feeling, I am powerless to stop it. And another thing, Albert, when the next murder happens you will help me solve it. -Yes. Either right now or right when I thought of it. The name and memory of Teresa Banks is haunting me. Lately I have been filled with a knowingness that the murderer will strike again. Because it is only a feeling, I am powerless to stop it. And another thing, Albert, when the next murder happens you will help me solve it. Let's test it for the record. Will the next victim be a man or a woman? -Let's test it for the record. Will the next victim be a man or a woman? A woman. -A woman. What color hair will she have? -What color hair will she have? Blonde. -Blonde. Tell me some other things about her. -Tell me some other things about her. She's in high school. She's sexually active. She's on drugs. She's crying out for some help. -She's in high school. She's sexually active. She's on drugs. She's crying out for some help. You're describing half the high school girls in America. What is she doing right now? -You're describing half the high school girls in America. What is she doing right now? She is preparing a great abundance of food. -No... No, go away. I'm glad you let me talk to you. You used to not let me talk to you. -I'm glad you let me talk to you. You used to not let me talk to you. Go away. I am not talking to you. -Go away. I am not talking to you. I want you. -SEE WHAT WE CAN DO TO DONNA? NO! GOD, NO... -That's not important. I will tell you what is important. The fan will soon be starting. Who are you? Who are you REALLY? -Who are you? Who are you REALLY? I am the One who wants to breathe thru your nose and taste thru your mouth. -No. I want you to kill for me. -I want you to kill for me. No. Never. You'll have to kill me. -No. Never. You'll have to kill me. I want you to kill for me. -Where were you for the last hour? I've been lookin' for you? I was right behind you, but you're too dumb to turn around. If he turned around he might get dizzy and fall down. -I'M NOT KIDDIN'. WHERE WERE YOU? WHO WERE YOU WITH? Get lost Bobby. -Get lost Bobby. Oh, yeah? You'll be callin' soon and maybe I'm not gonna be there. -Oh, yeah? You'll be callin' soon and maybe I'm not gonna be there. Oh, come on, sweetie, give me one of your smiles. -I'm nearly out. It's taken care of, babe. You and I are going to make a big score tonight. This will tide you over. -It's taken care of, babe. You and I are going to make a big score tonight. This will tide you over. Thank you, Bobby. A big score? -Thank you, Bobby. A big score? Maybe our biggest. I'll see you two doors down from your place at 11:00. -Maybe our biggest. I'll see you two doors down from your place at 11:00. Don't be late. -Here he comes. Here he comes. -This isn't Mike. Is this Mike? Bobby... ssshhhh... you killed Mike. -Babe, I'm on my way out to the woods to divvy up the product. Put this cash in your safety deposit box... It's ten thousand dollars. You killed Mike. -Bad news, kid, it was baby laxative. What was? -What was? The stuff we got last night. -The stuff we got last night. Baby laxative? We can't snort baby laxative. -Baby laxative? We can't snort baby laxative. No shit... We killed a guy for baby laxative. -No shit... We killed a guy for baby laxative. What is the world coming to when you kill a guy for baby laxative? -What is the world coming to when you kill a guy for baby laxative? Don't get funny with me again. -Don't get funny with me again. I'm not... Bobby I'm gonna need some more stuff. I mean it. I'm out. -I'm not... Bobby I'm gonna need some more stuff. I mean it. I'm out. Yeah, and I'm gonna need that ten thousand dollars back. -Yeah, and I'm gonna need that ten thousand dollars back. Sure, but I can't get it till after school tomorrow. -Sure, but I can't get it till after school tomorrow. Let's ditch this place and party. -Let's ditch this place and party. Not tonight. Just give me something to take home to hold me over till tomorrow. -Not tonight. Just give me something to take home to hold me over till tomorrow. Why? Why not? Where are you goin'? -We can do it right here. Bobby... -Bobby's got it. Thanks, Bobby. And my little round friends, too. -I'm here to investigate the murder of Teresa Banks. "Well, little fella, we don't need any outside help here. I don't like you people sniffin' around my neck of the woods. In fact, when the state boys called me about a ""J. Edgar"" coming up I think I said, ""So what?""" -"Well, little fella, we don't need any outside help here. I don't like you people sniffin' around my neck of the woods. In fact, when the state boys called me about a ""J. Edgar"" coming up I think I said, ""So what?""" Your behavior is not funny and is wasting the time of the Federal Government. -Your behavior is not funny and is wasting the time of the Federal Government. You're lucky I am not wasting you. -You're lucky I am not wasting you. "Well, little fella, let me put it this way. The operative word here would be ""Federal"". With or without the semantics of all this, I am now ordering you to release all pertinent information concerning Teresa Banks, both while living and deceased." -A basic kill. Banks was a drifter and nobody knew her. My boys have been all over this. It's a dead end. That's why we're here, Sheriff Cable. Where's the body? -That's why we're here, Sheriff Cable. Where's the body? Out back in our morgue. -It's 4:30. We close at five. We've got our own clock. We'll lock up. -What the hell is that thing doing out there? You're not taking that body anywhere. We're taking the body back to Portland and there's not a thing you can do about it. -We're taking the body back to Portland and there's not a thing you can do about it. Maybe not a thing, but maybe two things. -Maybe not a thing, but maybe two things. Teresa Banks had a ring. Any idea what happened to it? -Teresa Banks had a ring. Any idea what happened to it? We got a phone, here, that's got a little ring. -We got a phone, here, that's got a little ring. Sam, get the body and put it in the van. Sheriff Cable, where were you the night Teresa Banks was murdered? -Sam, get the body and put it in the van. Sheriff Cable, where were you the night Teresa Banks was murdered? My alibi is as strong as these bands of steel. -GOD. I'm beginning to lose faith in the United States Government and that includes the telephone system. Don't you folks talk to one another. That's her trailer there and I haven't touched a god damn thing. Agent Chet Desmond come by a second time and asked too see Deputy Cliff Howard's trailer ...which I showed him. I went back to my trailer... After that I never saw him again. Thank you, Carl. -That's not the way to Cliff's trailer. I told you. I am not going to Cliff's trailer. -I am not going to Cliff's trailer. Well, where are you going? -Well, where are you going? I am going over here. -I am going over here. God damn, you people are confusing. -What was here, Mr. Rodd? A trailer was here. What the hell do you think? -A trailer was here. What the hell do you think? Can you tell me who's trailer it was... and who stayed in the trailer? -Can you tell me who's trailer it was... and who stayed in the trailer? An old woman and her grandson. -An old woman and her grandson. Can you tell me what their names were? -Can you tell me what their names were? Chalfont. Weird. Chalfont was the name of the folks that rented the space before they did. Two Chalfonts. -Is that Agent Desmond's vehicle? Yep, it sure is. -Federal Bureau of Investigation, Special Agent Chet Desmond and Agent Sam Stanley. Sorry to disturb you, but we would like to see Teresa Banks' trailer, please. More popular than Uncle's Day at a whorehouse. GOD DAMN, THAT MORNING SUN IS BRIGHT! BLUE BRIGHT. -Mrs. Simmons owns the trailer and she lives in town. Teresa rented it about a month ago. Did she have someone with her? -Did she have someone with her? Right. She had a friend with her. The friend took off. -Right. She had a friend with her. The friend took off. Was there an argument? -Was there an argument? Not that I know of. But arguments do happen, don't they? -Not that I know of. But arguments do happen, don't they? Yes they do. Did she have visitors? -Yes they do. Did she have visitors? "No, hey, I already told this whole damn thing to Sheriff ""Not-Quite- Able""... Here's the trailer now." -You weren't kiddin'. This stuff's got the sting of the forty-eight hour blend. That's right. That's the best coffee you're gonna get around here. -Is there a golf course around here? Not a lot around here, no. Got some clubs, but not very many fellas with balls. -Thanks for your help, Carl. Sorry we woke you up. That's alright. I was having a bad dream. I was dreamin' about a joke with no punchline. -Okay, that's it. I've had enough of the waiting room now. Oh. -What are you doing here in the trailer court, Deputy? Maybe I just live here, what do you think about that? -Maybe I just live here, what do you think about that? Can I ask you where you were the night Teresa Banks was murdered? -Can I ask you where you were the night Teresa Banks was murdered? You can tell J. Edgar that I was at a party and I got fifteen fuckin' witnesses. -Did you know Teresa Banks? Got a couple of cups of coffee at Hap's from her. That's it. By the way where do you get off questioning a lawman? I could ask you the same question. -Got a couple of cups of coffee at Hap's from her. That's it. By the way where do you get off questioning a lawman? I could ask you the same question. No you couldn't. -You try that you little monkey. I think I'll take off my badge as well. -Yes... CHET, I AM CALLING YOU FROM PORTLAND... OREGON. -CHET, I AM CALLING YOU FROM PORTLAND... OREGON. OK, Gordon. -OK, Gordon. NO, IT'S OREGON, PORTLAND, OREGON. IT'S REGIONAL BUREAU CHIEF COLE. OUT IN PORTLAND OREGON. I NEED YOU OUT HERE, CHET. -NO, IT'S OREGON, PORTLAND, OREGON. IT'S REGIONAL BUREAU CHIEF COLE. OUT IN PORTLAND OREGON. I NEED YOU OUT HERE, CHET. OK, Gordon. -OK, Gordon. OREGON. A YOUNG GIRL HAS BEEN MURDERED. SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. NAMED TERESA BANKS. -OREGON. A YOUNG GIRL HAS BEEN MURDERED. SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. NAMED TERESA BANKS. Okay, Gordon!!! -GOT A MAP OF THE ENVIRONS OF THE YAKIMA INDIAN RESERVATION WITH YOUR NAME ON IT. BETTER BRING A POLE. Smell something fishy, huh? -Smell something fishy, huh? I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU, CHET. SOMETHING INTERESTING THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU. ARRANGEMENTS ARE BEING MADE AND I WILL MEET YOU AT THE PORTLAND, AIRPORT. -Congratulations. I heard about that. YOUR SURPRISE, CHET. HER NAME IS LIL. -GOOD LUCK, CHET. SAM, YOU STICK WITH CHET, HE'S GOT HIS OWN M.O. MODUS OPERANDI. YOU CAN REACH ME AT THE PHILADELPHIA OFFICES. I AM FLYING OUT TODAY. Right, Gordon. We'll be in touch. -What is it, Gordon? COOP, AGENT CHET DESMOND HAS DISAPPEARED. GONE LIKE THE WIND IN DEER MEADOW. -Phillip? COOPER, MEET THE LONG LOST PHILLIP JEFFRIES. YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF HIM AT THE ACADEMY. -HE'S GONE. What? -What? ALBERT, COME BACK HERE. HE'S GONE CALL THE FRONT DESK. -QUICKLY MEN... WORD ASSOCIATION, COOP. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW? Teresa Banks. -Teresa Banks. ALBERT? -It was a year ago today that Teresa Banks was killed. I'm wondering if the murderer will ever kill again. ALBERT, WHY TYLENOL? -Agent Chet said he wanted to check the trailer court one more time. He had me drive the van with the body back here. Which we did. It was 105 miles. Anything else? -Anything else? Did Gordon show you a woman named Lil? -Did Gordon show you a woman named Lil? I'm up to speed, Stanley. -I'm up to speed, Stanley. Agent Chet wouldn't tell me what the Blue Rose meant. -Agent Chet wouldn't tell me what the Blue Rose meant. And neither will I. -And neither will I. Oh, alright. You know, I liked Agent Desmond. He had his own M.O. -I cracked the Whiteman case with this. Stanley, I heard all about it. -Stanley, I heard all about it. No one could've found those splinters without a machine like this and no one has a machine like this. -No one could've found those splinters without a machine like this and no one has a machine like this. Tell me about the letter. -Tell me about the letter. Take a look at this. Chet and I found it under Teresa Banks' ring fingernail. -And no one found the ring? No, sir, we did not. -Where is the ring? Someone else has it now. -Someone else has it now. That would indicate that it's the future. -That would indicate that it's the future. The later events have never been kept a secret. -The later events have never been kept a secret. Where am I? And how can I leave? -Where am I? And how can I leave? You are here and there is no place to go... -Had the FBI here once before. Back in the fifties when Hap was running the place. Where's Hap? -Where's Hap? He's dead -- good and dead. -He's dead -- good and dead. Sorry to hear it. -Sorry to hear it. He didn't suffer. -He didn't suffer. I'd like to ask you a few questions about Teresa Banks -I'd like to ask you a few questions about Teresa Banks Sheriff Cable's already asked me a few questions about Teresa Banks. She worked nights for a month. That's it. -Sheriff Cable's already asked me a few questions about Teresa Banks. She worked nights for a month. That's it. Any friends? -Any friends? No. -No. Ever see her with someone else? -Ever see her with someone else? No. -No. Did she ever mention any friends? -Did she ever mention any friends? No. Ask Irene over there. -Take a good look around. There's nobody in this place -- you're meetin' the reason why. What'll it be? How come Jack let's you work here? -How come Jack let's you work here? Jack and I are united in holy matrimony. -Jack and I are united in holy matrimony. Say no more. -Federal Bureau of Investigation, Special Agent Chet Desmond. I'd like to ask you a few questions about Teresa Banks. Jack said you knew her. How well? She only worked here a month. Nice girl. Never seemed to get here on time though. Ask me she had a little problem with -- -Came looking for a job with a friend of hers. Pretty girl. Could've been her sister. What happened to her? -What happened to her? There was only one job. Teresa took the job. Her friend took a hike. Never saw her again. -There was only one job. Teresa took the job. Her friend took a hike. Never saw her again. Did you ever see Teresa take cocaine? -Did you ever see Teresa take cocaine? No. -No. Do you take cocaine, Irene? -Do you take cocaine, Irene? No, I do not. I never took cocaine or any other drugs. I don't take drugs. -He's with me. Anything you would like to tell us about Teresa Banks that would help us out? "I've thought about that. I think her death is what you would call a ""freak accident""." -"I've thought about that. I think her death is what you would call a ""freak accident""." Thanks. -You know, I never told anybody, but once for about three days, just before her time, Teresa's arm went completely dead. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Her left arm. It was numb. She said she couldn't use it. Said it had no feeling. Probably from the drugs she was taking. I just thought I ought to tell you. -Her left arm. It was numb. She said she couldn't use it. Said it had no feeling. Probably from the drugs she was taking. I just thought I ought to tell you. Thanks. -That was really something. That dancing girl. What did it mean? Code. If you work with Gordon you learn that right away. -Code. If you work with Gordon you learn that right away. Code, I've heard a lot about this. -Sort of shorthand. Shorthand. Really? -Shorthand. Really? We're heading into a difficult situation. -We're heading into a difficult situation. How do you figure? -How do you figure? I'll explain it to you. Do you remember Lil's dance? -Lil was wearing a sour face. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Her face had a sour look... that means we're going to have trouble with the local authorities. They are not going to be receptive to the FBI. -Oh, the uncle is missing. Not Cole's Uncle but probably the sheriff's uncle in federal prison. -Not Cole's Uncle but probably the sheriff's uncle in federal prison. So the sheriff had got an Uncle who's committed a serious crime. -So the sheriff had got an Uncle who's committed a serious crime. Right, which is probably why Lil was wearing a red wig meaning we are headed into a dangerous situation. Let me ask you something, Stanley, did you notice anything about the dress? -Right, which is probably why Lil was wearing a red wig meaning we are headed into a dangerous situation. Let me ask you something, Stanley, did you notice anything about the dress? The dress she was wearing had been altered to fit her. I noticed a different colored thread where the dress had been taken in. It wasn't her dress or she must have lost some weight. -The dress she was wearing had been altered to fit her. I noticed a different colored thread where the dress had been taken in. It wasn't her dress or she must have lost some weight. Gordon said you were good. The tailored dress is our code for drugs. Did you notice what was pinned to it? -Gordon said you were good. The tailored dress is our code for drugs. Did you notice what was pinned to it? A blue rose. -A blue rose. Very good, but I can't tell you about that. -What did Gordon's tie mean? What? That's just Gordon's bad taste. -What? That's just Gordon's bad taste. Why couldn't he have just told you all these things? -Why couldn't he have just told you all these things? He talks loud. And he loves his code. -He talks loud. And he loves his code. I see. He does talk loud. -I see. He does talk loud. Gordon would not have sent us to Deer Meadow without thinking it was a high priority situation. -Gordon would not have sent us to Deer Meadow without thinking it was a high priority situation. It must be a high priority situation. -Solved the Whiteman Case with this. That's what I heard. -That's what I heard. No one could find those splinters without a machine like this. And no one had a machine like this. -No one could find those splinters without a machine like this. And no one had a machine like this. That's good. -That's good. Yes, it is good. What do you think is in these other drawers? -Yes, it is good. What do you think is in these other drawers? I don't know, Sam. -I don't know, Sam. Maybe, later we could take a look. -Maybe, later we could take a look. Sure, but let's finish up with this first. -Crushed skull. Probable cause repeated blows to the back of the head with an obtuse angled blunt object. Subject looks to be between 16 and 18 years of age. Cole said she was 17. -There appears to be a contusion under the ring finger of her left hand. Oh. -Accidental? Agent Desmond, would you hold the finger for me. There's something up there. -What is it? "It is a piece of paper with the letter ""T"" imprinted on it. Take a look." -Geez, Agent Desmond, it's three-thirty in the morning. Where are we going to sleep? We're not. You and I are going to get some food. -We're not. You and I are going to get some food. Yes, it's been several hours since we've eaten. I didn't realize that so much time had past, did you, Agent Desmond? -Agent Desmond, it's... It's late, Sam. -It's late, Sam. It's not late, it's early. Really early. -I doubt it was drugs, more likely a problem with a nerve. I could recheck the arm for injuries, but for real nerve work we are going to have to take the body back to Portland. I think that's a good idea. -I think we should see the sun rise at the Canyon Trailer Park. Are you speaking to me in a code? -Are you speaking to me in a code? No, Sam, I'm speaking plainly and I mean just exactly what I say. -No, Sam, I'm speaking plainly and I mean just exactly what I say. In that case, we should go to the Canyon Trailer Park. -She lived alone. She must have known someone. -You better dust this place, Sam. I'll get my kit. -Take a look at this. She's wearing a ring. -My guess is there isn't enough detail in the photo to get an idea of the design on the ring, but we should do a blowup of this anyway. May I see the magnifying glass, Agent Desmond? There doesn't seem to be enough detail in the photo to ascertain the design on the ring. -I couldn't help but notice that you had a suspicion that Deputy Cliff was the murderer. You did think that, didn't you, Agent Desmond? He's not the murderer. But he's a bozo. -He's not the murderer. But he's a bozo. Yes, he is like a clown. -"When he says, ""Discussion"", how do you take that, Agent Desmond?" I don't take it, Sam. I give it. -One thing that has been troubling me. That lamp at the diner. Do you think they were working on it for esthetic reasons or was their work due to faulty wiring? Faulty wiring. -Faulty wiring. Esthetics are subjective, aren't they, Agent Desmond? I'm Sam Stanley. If you ever need me. -Esthetics are subjective, aren't they, Agent Desmond? I'm Sam Stanley. If you ever need me. Thanks, Sam, for the good work. You have a good eye for detail. -Thanks, Sam, for the good work. You have a good eye for detail. We do notice things, don't we, Agent Desmond? Are you going back to the trailer park for the Blue rose? -If I am going to get through math today, you're going to have to bring me up to speed quick. You didn't do your homework? -You didn't do your homework? Noooo... -Noooo... Okay, this test is going to be about the theorems I told you about last week. You remember the... -Okay, this test is going to be about the theorems I told you about last week. You remember the... Don't tell me now. Tell me right before the test. I won't be able to remember long enough. -Don't tell me now. Tell me right before the test. I won't be able to remember long enough. You graduating this year will be proof that miracles happen. -You graduating this year will be proof that miracles happen. Thanks. -James called me last night looking for you. When? -When? The usual, 9:15. -The usual, 9:15. He probably wanted to drive over. -He probably wanted to drive over. Were you with Bobby? Or are you two still fighting? -Were you with Bobby? Or are you two still fighting? No, and yes. I don't know what I'm going to do about Bobby. I know he is seeing someone else and that's okay with me, and he thinks I'm seeing someone else and that's not okay with him. -No, and yes. I don't know what I'm going to do about Bobby. I know he is seeing someone else and that's okay with me, and he thinks I'm seeing someone else and that's not okay with him. "Are you going to tell him about that ""someone else""?" -"Are you going to tell him about that ""someone else""?" I don't know what to do. -I don't know what to do. You know what your problem is? You're just too adorable... -You know what your problem is? You're just too adorable... You know, I think you're right. I'm just too adorable. -Laura Palmer, you're just too adorable. I'm just too adorable. I'm just too adorable. -Are you going to see James tonight? Why are you suddenly so interested in who I am going to see at night? Nighttime is my time. -Why are you suddenly so interested in who I am going to see at night? Nighttime is my time. You're telling me, but only because you never let me in on any of it... you're not going to see Bobby, are you? -You're telling me, but only because you never let me in on any of it... you're not going to see Bobby, are you? Maybe. -Maybe. Oh god, Laura. -Oh god, Laura. Well, why not? -Well, why not? "Because Bobby is a loser, you said so yourself. He's a goon. James is the one. He loves you with that ""lasting love""... ""true love""." -Yes, James is very sweet. Why don't you get out your violin, Donna? Sweet? God, he's gorgeous. -Sweet? God, he's gorgeous. James is very sweet and very gorgeous. -Do you think that if you were falling in space you would slow down after a while or go faster and faster? Faster and faster. For a long time you wouldn't feel anything. Then you would burst into fire... forever. -Maybe I better start our homework. Okay, I suppose I should go home. -Okay, I suppose I should go home. Call me. -Call me. Sure. What do you want me to call you? -Sure. What do you want me to call you? Call me anything just don't call me late for dinner. -Laura? Donna, are you my best friend? -Donna, are you my best friend? Of course... -What is it Laura? What's wrong? I just want a friend. Just one friend for just one minute... -I just want a friend. Just one friend for just one minute... Laura, how about one friend for the rest of your whole life? -Laura, how about one friend for the rest of your whole life? Yes, that's what I want. Thanks D. -Yes, that's what I want. Thanks D. Okay, L. I am your friend... always. But sometimes... lately... I feel that you don't like being around me because I am so uptight. No, I am uptight. I hate it... I don't want to be this way, but Laura I don't... I mean... I'm your friend no matter what way you are. -Okay, L. I am your friend... always. But sometimes... lately... I feel that you don't like being around me because I am so uptight. No, I am uptight. I hate it... I don't want to be this way, but Laura I don't... I mean... I'm your friend no matter what way you are. You know, even when I think about your face I get happier. -Do you want to talk? No, I want to smoke. -I'm in a mess today, too. I'm thinking about doing it with Mike. What do you think? Donna, you are such a crack up. You don't even like Mike. Is this what you are going to do to show me you are not uptight. -Donna, you are such a crack up. You don't even like Mike. Is this what you are going to do to show me you are not uptight. This is about sex, not like. Mom, Laura's here and I think I will have one of those huckleberry muffins. You want a muffin? -This is about sex, not like. Mom, Laura's here and I think I will have one of those huckleberry muffins. You want a muffin? If I can smoke it. -If I can smoke it. You want a muffin? -You want a muffin? Donna, you are a muffin. -Goodbye, Muffin. No, you're the muffin. -Where are you going? No place, fast. And you're not coming. -No place, fast. And you're not coming. Come on, Laura. I'm your best friend. -Isn't tonight the night you are going to do it with Mike? Laura, aren't you going to fix me a drink? -Where are the Cookies? You mean Fred and Ginger? -You mean Fred and Ginger? Dancing. -If I had a nickel for every cigarette your mom smoked, I'd be dead. Gotta go, Donna. I'll call you tomorrow. -What are you doing? Nothing. -No. I don't need to take this to be your friend. YES YOU DO, DONNA. What a downer you are!!! -Don't ever wear my stuff, don't ever wear my stuff. Never. Okay, I won't wear your stuff... Why can't I wear your stuff? -Okay, I won't wear your stuff... Why can't I wear your stuff? Jacques, help me get her home. NOW! -I won't wear your stuff. I promise. Not you, Donna, not you. -I can't remember anything about last night. Is there something I should remember? No, you should forget about last night. -No, you should forget about last night. Laura, I am your friend. -Laura, I am your friend. I know you are and you don't have to do anything crazy to prove it. -I know you are and you don't have to do anything crazy to prove it. You're not mad at me? -You're not mad at me? No. -No. I feel so bad. I had nightmares all night long. They all knew you at that place. -I feel so bad. I had nightmares all night long. They all knew you at that place. What can I tell you? -What can I tell you? How did the car get back here? -How did the car get back here? WE got it back, that's all. -WE got it back, that's all. How did I get in the house? How did I get into my bed? -How did I get in the house? How did I get into my bed? I can't help you there. -I can't help you there. Was I wearing something of yours and you got mad at me? -Was I wearing something of yours and you got mad at me? All my things have me in them. I don't want you to be like me. -All my things have me in them. I don't want you to be like me. But I love you, Laura. -But I love you, Laura. And I love you, too. But don't wear my stuff. -And I love you, too. But don't wear my stuff. Why do you do it, Laura? -Why do you do it, Laura? Cause I like it. -Hey, Pete. Can't believe your tank's dry up at the mill. "No... hell, no. Just got in the truck, started drivin', looked down at the gauge and saw a big ""E"" starin' at me." -"No... hell, no. Just got in the truck, started drivin', looked down at the gauge and saw a big ""E"" starin' at me." "You know what that Big ""E"" stands for? Big Ed's Gas Farm." -"You know what that Big ""E"" stands for? Big Ed's Gas Farm." Yep. You're right. That's why I'm here. -Yep. You're right. That's why I'm here. What'll it be? -What'll it be? Fill 'er up. -Fill 'er up. You got it. -You got it. I haven't got it yet. -Nice night. Yep... Yes... It is. -You missed somethin', Ed. I did? I didn't see anything. -I did? I didn't see anything. Yeah... look in here. Look at it from this angle. -Even this heavy work beats being at home with the old ball and chain. Brother, I hear you talkin'. -My secret diary. There are pages missing. Who would do that? -Who would do that? Bob. -Bob. But Bob isn't real. -But Bob isn't real. The pages are gone. That's real. -The pages are gone. That's real. Maybe. -Maybe. "Bob is real. He's been ""having"" me since I was 12." -The diary was hidden too well. He's the only one who could know where it was. He's getting to know me, now. He's real. He speaks to me. What does Bob say? -What does Bob say? He wants to be me... or he will kill me. -He wants to be me... or he will kill me. No... No... -No... No... Oh, yes... yes... -You're not Bob are you, Harold? If you are, you can kill me right now. Kill me right now, if you are. Laura, no, I'm not. I'm not Bob. Poor Laura. I wish I could help you. -I hate him, I hate it. Sometimes I love it. But now I'm afraid. I am so afraid. But you're strong Laura... so much stronger than I... How can I help you? I can't. I can't even go outside. -What about James? Can't James help you? You two are so in love. He's in love with a girl who's dead. It is dangerous for you to have it. I'm sorry. -He's in love with a girl who's dead. It is dangerous for you to have it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Laura. -Laura, you didn't come and see me today. I couldn't it was Johnny Horne's birthday. I promised I'd be with him. I told you not to call me here. -I couldn't it was Johnny Horne's birthday. I promised I'd be with him. I told you not to call me here. A little trouble with your parents is the least of your worries and something I am certainly willing to put up with. -A little trouble with your parents is the least of your worries and something I am certainly willing to put up with. I'm not. -I'm not. Did you make me a tape? -Did you make me a tape? I already made you two tapes. -I already made you two tapes. Laura, you have to deal with all of this. -Laura, you have to deal with all of this. I'm dealing with it, Doc. Big time. Maybe I'll make you a tape tomorrow. Goodnight. -I'm dealing with it, Doc. Big time. Maybe I'll make you a tape tomorrow. Goodnight. Send me a kiss. -Baby, you know why? Cause it'll never get here. Hey, Jacques... -Hey, Jacques... "No ""Jacques"". I am the Great Went." -"No ""Jacques"". I am the Great Went." I am The Muffin. -I am The Muffin. And what a muffin you have. -That's right. She called me. She even asked me what your fathers looked like... What? She asked about my father? -What? She asked about my father? But it wasn't him... she was after a huge guy, six foot four with a broken nose. She said he looked just like a boxer. Speaking of sandwiches... I think Bobby was arranging something for you... Speaking of arrangements... SPEAKING OF ARRANGEMENTS... Why don't you two come up to the cabin this week? Leo and I know that Santy Claus is coming to town... Thursday. -Right on time, baby. Buy me a ticket to The Great Went. -Buy me a ticket to The Great Went. We're on our way, Baby. -We're on our way, Baby. Let's go all the way. -James... Laura, I'll meet you at 2:30 after phys. ed. -Laura, I'll meet you at 2:30 after phys. ed. Okay. -Laura, do you love me? Yes, I love you. I've told you, but it doesn't really matter. -Yes, I love you. I've told you, but it doesn't really matter. Why? It does. -Why? It does. No, it doesn't... just kiss me. -No, it doesn't... just kiss me. It does matter. We're in love. -It does matter. We're in love. James, you don't know what you are talking about. Quit trying to hold on so tight. I'm gone... long gone like a turkey through the corn. -James, you don't know what you are talking about. Quit trying to hold on so tight. I'm gone... long gone like a turkey through the corn. You're not a turkey. A turkey is one of the dumbest birds on earth. -You're not a turkey. A turkey is one of the dumbest birds on earth. Gobble, gobble, gobble. -Where were you last night? We were supposed to get together. You didn't show up. You were supposed to show up. Maybe I wasn't. -You were supposed to show up. Maybe I wasn't. We were supposed to be together. -We were supposed to be together. How can I be together if I'm not together? -How can I be together if I'm not together? You're on somethin' again, aren't you? -You're on somethin' again, aren't you? James... -James... When am I going to see you? -I've got to see you. Not now. -Not now. This afternoon? -This afternoon? Okay. Oh god, it's Johnny Horne's birthday today. -Okay. Oh god, it's Johnny Horne's birthday today. What about tonight? -What about tonight? I can't tonight. -I can't tonight. What's going on? -What's going on? I just can't, James. I can't do it. -What the hell is wrong with you? That's right. There's no place left to go is there, James? -That's right. There's no place left to go is there, James? What do you mean? -What do you mean? You know it and I know it. -You know it and I know it. What is wrong with us?... We have everything. -What is wrong with us?... We have everything. Everything, but everything. -Everything, but everything. Oh, Laura. -Oh, Laura. """Oh, Laura...""" -You always hurt the ones you love. You mean the ones you pity. -You mean the ones you pity. Say anything you want... I know you love me and I love you. -Say anything you want... I know you love me and I love you. I do love you. Let's get lost together. -Shit, maybe he'll kill you. What? -What? When he finds out. -When he finds out. What? -What? Bobby killed a guy. -Bobby killed a guy. What are you talking about? Bobby didn't kill anybody. -What are you talking about? Bobby didn't kill anybody. You want to see... -You want to see... See what? -See what? Right. Open your eyes, James. You don't know me. Even Donna doesn't know me. Your Laura disappeared... It's just me now. -Johnny, Johnny... let your Daddy and your Uncle and Leland talk. Ben... Leland, we can play the French against the Norwegians. What do the French love more than anything? Boating? -Boating? No. -No. Hiking? -Hiking? No. -No. Eating? -Eating? You'd think so. -You'd think so. Sex? -Sex? You're getting warmer. -You're getting warmer. Trees? -Trees? Exactment. They are nuts about wood. They get goofy over trees. -History is on our side, Ben. It's no accident that the great explorers were named Hennepin, Nicollet, Marquette. They were looking for wood. -Josie, I think we should go public. That would be wonderful, but it's only been a year since Andrew died. -That would be wonderful, but it's only been a year since Andrew died. What are you afraid of? What people think? -What are you afraid of? What people think? I don't want to offend the customs of your country. -I don't want to offend the customs of your country. Believe me, Josie, you would not offend the customs of this country. For instance, I don't eat fish eyes. -Believe me, Josie, you would not offend the customs of this country. For instance, I don't eat fish eyes. Fish eyes? -Fish eyes? Even if it offended someone, I wouldn't eat a fish eye. -Even if it offended someone, I wouldn't eat a fish eye. Why wouldn't you eat a fish eye, Harry? -Why wouldn't you eat a fish eye, Harry? I saw a guy eat a fish eye once in Seattle. He was digging through his food with his chopsticks for about five minutes till he found the fish eye and he dropped it into his throat. I guess it must have gotten stuck in his uvula because right away he started to have trouble. His throat began to flutter there like there was a wind blowing. And he couldn't swallow and they rushed to him and loosened his collar and they were asking him if he was alright and he started to turn blue and his eyes started to roll back into his head and he still couldn't get the fish eye out and they tried to do a Heimlich maneuver. I went over to him as they were preparing to do an emergency tracheotomy. They were over him with a knife when he suddenly shot the fish eye out of his throat and right onto the ceiling. Splat! It just stuck up there and spread out. It was about the size of a half dollar. And that's why I don't ever eat fish eyes. -I'm not saying it's right or wrong, it's just the way I feel. It's the custom thing I was thinking of. In America we don't use any part of the fish but the meat just to the side of the insides. We throw away the tail, the rest of the insides and the head. I understand. -I understand. We throw away the whole head. -Can I take the car? Sure honey, what's the hurry? -Sure honey, what's the hurry? I forgot my books at school. -Laura. What? -You lied to me about those school books. I found them upstairs on your bed. What were you doing in my room? -What were you doing in my room? I was looking for that blue sweater that you borrowed which I found balled up in the bottom of your closet. Now why did you lie to me? Where did you go? -I was looking for that blue sweater that you borrowed which I found balled up in the bottom of your closet. Now why did you lie to me? Where did you go? I had to see Bobby. I know you really don't like Bobby, but there was a problem and I didn't think you would understand. -I had to see Bobby. I know you really don't like Bobby, but there was a problem and I didn't think you would understand. Oh, honey, you don't have to lie to me. Ever. You can tell me anything. I'll understand. -Oh, honey, you don't have to lie to me. Ever. You can tell me anything. I'll understand. I'm sorry, Mom. -I'm sorry, Mom. Now hurry, dinner's almost ready. Your father says he's starving. -Laura, now I can't find that blue sweater. Did you take it again? Mom... what are you wearing? -My god, I am going to have another breakdown. God, god. Mom, take it easy. -I hate asparagus. Sure you do, it's good for you. -Where's Dad? Ben asked him to stay late to plan for the Norwegians. -Ben asked him to stay late to plan for the Norwegians. If it's okay with you I'm going to Bobby's to do my homework. -If it's okay with you I'm going to Bobby's to do my homework. It's a school night... back by nine. -Good night, Mom. Good night, sweetheart. -Dad. Hyggelig a mote dem. Jeg Heter Leland Palmer. -"The Norwegians are coming next week and I want you to learn to say what I just learned in Norwegian. So you can talk to them. I want you to learn to say, ""Hello, my name is Leland Palmer""." But my name isn't Leland Palmer. -Hi, honey, how's Donna? Fine. -Fine. School? -School? ...school's fine... -...school's fine... Sit down... sit down... Are you hungry? -Sit down... sit down... Are you hungry? Not really. -Let me see. Dad... -Dad... Your hands are filthy... look, there is dirt way under this fingernail. -Who was that? A friend from school. -A friend from school. A special friend? -Dad... Dad... Who was that? How do you know him? He looked familiar. Have I met him? No, you haven't met him. Have you met him? -No, you haven't met him. Have you met him? No. -No. We're late to get to your mother. -We're late to get to your mother. Just sit here for a moment. You seem very upset. -Just sit here for a moment. You seem very upset. Guy just pulls up out of the blue... I mean... what is this world coming to? -Are you sure you're okay? Yes. -Dad? Yes. -Yes. Did you come home during the day last week? -Did you come home during the day last week? No. -No. Oh, I thought I saw you. -Oh, I thought I saw you. You know, I did come home, come to think of it, on Thursday. I had a severe headache and I was driving in the neighborhood so I just darted in and out of the house. Where were you, Laura? I didn't see you? -You know, I did come home, come to think of it, on Thursday. I had a severe headache and I was driving in the neighborhood so I just darted in and out of the house. Where were you, Laura? I didn't see you? I was down the street. -Laura. What's wrong this morning? Stay away from me. -DON'T MAKE ME DO IT. NO, YOU HAVE TO KILL ME. -NO, YOU HAVE TO KILL ME. I always thought you knew it was me. -I always thought you knew it was me. NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE ME. KILL ME. -"Hello, Laura. Hello Sarah. Where's my axe? ""I'm hungry""." Oh, Leland. -Neither is mine. And can't we talk about something serious for a change. This is serious. Mr. Benjamin Horne's got a delegation of Norwegians coming in next week and I want both of you to learn to introduce yourself. Sarah, you first. -Leland, what are you doing? Look at this finger here. -Leland... Laura didn't wash her hands before dinner. And look at this. -Did you get this from your lover? They don't call them lovers in high school, Leland. -They don't call them lovers in high school, Leland. Bobby didn't give you this? -Bobby didn't give you this? How would you know if Bobby didn't give her that? -Did Bobby give you that or is there someone new? Leland leave her alone... She doesn't like that. Stop it. -Leland leave her alone... She doesn't like that. Stop it. How do you know what she doesn't like? -Oh, Leland, sit down and eat you dinner. Oh, I'll sit down, but none of us are going to start eating till Laura goes and washes her hands. -When's the next business trip, big fella? Soon. How about next time we party with the girlfriends you told me about? -Soon. How about next time we party with the girlfriends you told me about? I can arrange that. I like that. -What are you doing? Who am I? -Who am I? I don't know. -I don't know. That's right. -What's wrong? Nothing, I chickened out. -Someone who knows how to clean knows where the object was before she started cleaning and then that object goes back to its exact same spot. Shelly, I know where everything in this house is. Sometimes on the road I mentally go through this whole house and picture where every item is. Lay off the bennies, Leo. -Lay off the bennies, Leo. Anybody can clean the surface of an object, but dirt can find its way anywhere. To really clean, you have to scrub below the surface. WHERE THE DIRT IS, SHELLY. -That's one thing you are going to learn, Shelly, -- HOW TO CLEAN. It takes scrubbing, Shelly. There is no easy way. THIS IS WHERE WE LIVE, SHELLY. As if I didn't know. -As if I didn't know. I'm going to show you how to wash this tile and then you're going to do it. -I'm going to show you how to wash this tile and then you're going to do it. Come off it, Leo. I'm late for work... -Come off it, Leo. I'm late for work... What did you say? -"Shelly, would you give Laura a quick hand with the ""Meals on Wheels""?" I'm kind of busy, Norma. -I'm kind of busy, Norma. You're not busy, sweetheart, now go. -Laura just took off. She asked me to do the run today. Should I do it? What's with that Laura? Yeah, sure, take a look around. There's no one here anyway. -What's with that Laura? Yeah, sure, take a look around. There's no one here anyway. You're right. There's no one here. -You're right. There's no one here. There's no one here. -There's no one here. Norma, are you alright? -Come back as soon as you can. "If Leo comes here, he won't believe that I am out doing the ""Meals on Wheels""." -"If Leo comes here, he won't believe that I am out doing the ""Meals on Wheels""." Don't worry, Shelly, I'll handle Leo. -Mr. Abraham... Abrams... -Abrams... Abrams. Yes. How are you today? -Abrams. Yes. How are you today? I'm fine. -I'm fine. Good. You ever been inside a hospital? -Good. You ever been inside a hospital? Yes. -Yes. Ah. How did they treat you? -Why did he go to see Mary Rooney? She's the only nurse who isn't testifying for the Doctors. -She's the only nurse who isn't testifying for the Doctors. What did he find? -What did he find? Nothing. -Nothing. How good's your intelligence? -How good's your intelligence? Very good. -Very good. And so what is the rest of his case aside from Dr. Thompson? -And so what is the rest of his case aside from Dr. Thompson? As far as we know, nothing. -He was accused of jury tampering. Accused. Not indicted. He resigned the firm. Divorced nineteen seventy. Galvin worked with Michael Morrissey until Morrissey retired in 'seventy- eight. Since then he's been on his own. Four cases before the Circuit Court. He lost them all. He drinks. -Accused. Not indicted. He resigned the firm. Divorced nineteen seventy. Galvin worked with Michael Morrissey until Morrissey retired in 'seventy- eight. Since then he's been on his own. Four cases before the Circuit Court. He lost them all. He drinks. Four cases in three years... -Four cases in three years... The man's an ambulance chaser... -The man's an ambulance chaser... ...tell me about this case. -...tell me about this case. This is a nuisance suit. He's looking for small change. He's asking for six hundred thousand and betting we don't want to go to court. -This is a nuisance suit. He's looking for small change. He's asking for six hundred thousand and betting we don't want to go to court. No -- we don't want this case in court. -No -- we don't want this case in court. Neither does he. That's where he loses. This man's scared to death to go to court. We only have to call his bluff. -Neither does he. That's where he loses. This man's scared to death to go to court. We only have to call his bluff. I want to settle this thing and be done with it. I don't want the Archdiocese exposed. -I want to settle this thing and be done with it. I don't want the Archdiocese exposed. No. Absolutely, and we're going to see that it is not. -No. Absolutely, and we're going to see that it is not. So what I want to do is stop it here. I'm going to make him an offer. I want to do it myself. I want it to come from me. -So what I want to do is stop it here. I'm going to make him an offer. I want to do it myself. I want it to come from me. All right. But let's keep the price down. I've called Ed Concannon. He recommends that we continue to respond as if we're going to trial. -If we were to go to trial, would we win the case? Well, of course, it's always dangerous... -Well, of course, it's always dangerous... I know that answer. If we went to trial would we win? -I know that answer. If we went to trial would we win? Yes. -It's a generous offer, Mr. Galvin... ...nothing can make the woman well... but we try to compensate... to make a gesture... How did you settle on the amount? -How did you settle on the amount? We thought it was just. -We thought it was just. You thought it was just. -You thought it was just. Yes. -Yes. Because it struck me how neatly 'three' went into the amount. Two Hundred Ten Thousand. That would mean I keep seventy. -Because it struck me how neatly 'three' went into the amount. Two Hundred Ten Thousand. That would mean I keep seventy. That was our insurance company's recommendation. -That was our insurance company's recommendation. Yes. It would be. -Nothing that we can do can make that woman well. And no one will know the truth. -And no one will know the truth. What is the truth? -What is the truth? That that poor girl put her trust in the hands of two men who took her life, she's in a coma, her life is gone. She has no family, she has no home, she's tied to a machine, she has no friends -- and the people who should care for her: her Doctors, and you, and me, have been bought off to look the other way. We have been paid to look the other way. I came in here to take your money. I brought snapshots to show you. So I could get your money. I can't take it. If I take it. If I take that money I'm lost. I'm just going to be a rich ambulance chaser. I can't do it. I can't take it. -What are you doing here? Mickey told me to come back to work. -...here's your mail, call Mrs. Doneghy... ...yes. Get her on the phone... -...yes. Get her on the phone... ...that was a Dr. David Gruber's office... -...that was a Dr. David Gruber's office... Gruber... -Gruber... Mickey told him to call. 'He's some very hotshot surgeon at Mass. Commonwealth. He wants to meet with you at seven tonight re testimony in the case of Deborah Ann Kaye. You meet him at the hospital.' -...he wants to testify...? It looks that way. -It looks that way. You know what that would mean? -You know what that would mean? To get somebody from a Boston hospital to say he'll testify? -To get somebody from a Boston hospital to say he'll testify? ...a Mrs. Doneghy called... I told you that. -This is going to drive the ante up. Frank Galvin's... who's calling please? Bishop Brophy's office... -That's the call that I'm waiting for. What does it mean? -What does it mean? They want to settle. It means a lot of money. -They want to settle. It means a lot of money. Does that mean I'm back for awhile? -You are aware of the penalties for perjury...? It's a crime. -It's a crime. Yes. It is a crime. A serious crime. -Yes. It is a crime. A serious crime. I wouldn't do it. -I wouldn't do it. You would not...? -You would not...? No. -No. In fact, you've just taken an oath that you would not commit perjury. You've just sworn to that. Isn't that right? -In fact, you've just taken an oath that you would not commit perjury. You've just sworn to that. Isn't that right? Yes. -Yes. Just now... -Just now... Yes. -Yes. ...sworn before God you would tell the truth? -...sworn before God you would tell the truth? Yes. -Yes. Now. I'd like to ask you something: four years ago, when you were working as a nurse, are you aware that Drs. Towler and Marx based their treatment of Deborah Ann Kaye on this chart that you signed...? -Now. I'd like to ask you something: four years ago, when you were working as a nurse, are you aware that Drs. Towler and Marx based their treatment of Deborah Ann Kaye on this chart that you signed...? I... -I... And wasn't that an oath...? These are your initials here: K.C. When you signed this chart you took an oath. No less important than that which you took today. Isn't that right? Isn't that right...? -And wasn't that an oath...? These are your initials here: K.C. When you signed this chart you took an oath. No less important than that which you took today. Isn't that right? Isn't that right...? I... yes. -I... yes. Then, please, which is correct? You've sworn today the patient ate one hour ago. Four years ago you swore she ate nine hours ago? Which is the lie. When were you lying? -Then, please, which is correct? You've sworn today the patient ate one hour ago. Four years ago you swore she ate nine hours ago? Which is the lie. When were you lying? I... -I... You know these doctors could have settled out of court. They wanted a trial. They wanted to clear their names. -They lied. 'They lied.' Indeed! When did they lie? And do you know what a lie is? -'They lied.' Indeed! When did they lie? And do you know what a lie is? I do. Yes. -I do. Yes. You swore on this form that the patient ate nine hours ago. -You swore on this form that the patient ate nine hours ago. That's not my handwriting. -That's not my handwriting. You've just said you signed it. -You've just said you signed it. Yes, I, yes, I signed it, yes. But I, I didn't write that figure. -Yes, I, yes, I signed it, yes. But I, I didn't write that figure. You didn't write that figure. And how is it that you remember that so clearly after four years? -You didn't write that figure. And how is it that you remember that so clearly after four years? Because I kept a copy. I have it right here. -...what in the world would induce you to make a photocopy of some obscure record and hold it four years? This is a... why? Why would you do that? I thought I would need it. -I thought I would need it. And why, please tell us, would you think that? -And why, please tell us, would you think that? After, after the operation, when that poor girl, she went in a coma. Dr. Towler called me in. He told me he had five difficult deliveries in a row and he was tired, and he never looked at the admittance form. And he told me to change the form. He told me to change the one to a nine. Or else, or else, he said... He said he'd fire me. He said I'd never work again... Who were these men...? Who were these men...? I wanted to be a nurse... -Dr. Thompson, just so the Jury knows, you never treated Deborah Ann Kaye. Is that correct? That is correct. I was engaged to render an opinion. -That is correct. I was engaged to render an opinion. Engaged to render an opinion. For a price. Is that correct? You're being paid to be here today? -Engaged to render an opinion. For a price. Is that correct? You're being paid to be here today? Just as you are, Sir... -Just as you are, Sir... Are you board-certified in anesthesiology, Doctor? -Are you board-certified in anesthesiology, Doctor? No, I am not. It's quite common in New York State... -No, I am not. It's quite common in New York State... ...I'm sure it is, but this is Massachusetts, Doctor. Certified in Internal Medicine? -...I'm sure it is, but this is Massachusetts, Doctor. Certified in Internal Medicine? No. -No. Neurology? -Neurology? No. -No. Orthopedics? -Orthopedics? I'm just an M.D. -I'm just an M.D. Do you know Dr. Robert Towler...? -Do you know Dr. Robert Towler...? I know of him. -I know of him. How is that? -How is that? Through, through his book. -Through, through his book. What book is that? -What book is that? Meth... Methodology and Technique... -Meth... Methodology and Technique... ...of Anesthesiology? -...of Anesthesiology? 'Methodology and Techniques of Anesthesiology.' Yes. -'Methodology and Techniques of Anesthesiology.' Yes. How old are you? -How old are you? I am seventy-four years old. -I am seventy-four years old. Uh-huh. Still practice a lot of medicine? -Uh-huh. Still practice a lot of medicine? I'm on the staff of... -I'm on the staff of... Yes, we've heard that. Doctor: you testify quite a bit against other physicians? Isn't that right? You, you're available for that? When you're paid to be there? -Yes, we've heard that. Doctor: you testify quite a bit against other physicians? Isn't that right? You, you're available for that? When you're paid to be there? Sir. Yes. When a thing is wrong... as in this case, I am available. I am seventy-four years old, I am not board-certified. -Sir. Yes. When a thing is wrong... as in this case, I am available. I am seventy-four years old, I am not board-certified. I have been practicing medicine for forty-six years and I know when an injustice has been done. -I have been practicing medicine for forty-six years and I know when an injustice has been done. Do you, indeed. I'll bet you do. Fine. Fine. We'll save the court the time. We will admit the Doctor as an 'expert witness,' fine. -I did. Objection. -Ed Concannon. Frank Galvin. We've met before. -Objection, we've... ...to get her heartbeat back...? -...to get her heartbeat back...? We've touched on this, his own witness has said... -We've touched on this, his own witness has said... ...almost nine minutes... causing brain damage. -...almost nine minutes... causing brain damage. Your Honor...! Your Honor... -Objection! And you would come here, and on a slip of memory four years ago, you'd ruin their lives. -Your Honor, Bishop Brophy and the Archdiocese have offered plaintiff two hundred and ten thousand dollars. Huh! -Huh! My doctors didn't want a settlement at any price. They wanted this cleared up in court. They want their vindication. I agree with them. But for today the offer stands. Before we begin the publicity of a trial. For today only. When I walk out that door the offer is withdrawn. As long as you understand that. It's got to be that way. -Mr. Concannon...? Nothing further, your Honor. -Nothing further, your Honor. Mr. Galvin, rebuttal? -Objection! This is ri... expect us to accept a photocopy, we have the original right... I'll rule on that presently. Proceed. -No further questions. You may step down. -Thank you, your Honor. We object to the copy of the admissions form as incompetent and essentially hearsay evidence and cite McGee versus State of Indiana, U.S. 131 point 2 and 216 through 25 of the Uniform Code: 'The admission of a duplicate document in preference to an existing original must presuppose the possibility of alteration and so must be disallowed.' And, your Honor, having given the Plaintiff the leeway we would like your ruling on this issue now: we object to the admission of the Xerox form. ...one moment, Mr. Concannon... -The document is disallowed, the jury will be advised not to consider the testimony of Kathy Costello regarding the Xerox form. It's unsubstantiated and we can't accept a copy in preference to the original... Thank you, your Honor. Further: Ms. Costello is a rebuttal witness. As a 'Surprise Witness' she may only serve to rebut direct testimony. As her only evidentiary rebuttal was the admitting form, which has been disallowed I request that her entire testimony be disallowed and the jury advised that they must totally disregard her appearance here. -Thank you, your Honor. Further: Ms. Costello is a rebuttal witness. As a 'Surprise Witness' she may only serve to rebut direct testimony. As her only evidentiary rebuttal was the admitting form, which has been disallowed I request that her entire testimony be disallowed and the jury advised that they must totally disregard her appearance here. I'm going to uphold that. -No, actually, she was referred to me. She was Dr. Hagman's patient... Don't equivocate. Be positive. Just tell the truth. -Whatever the 'truth' is, let's hear that. You were her doctor. Yes. -Yes. Say it. -Say it. I was her doctor. -I was her doctor. You were the anesthesiologist at her delivery May twelfth, nineteen seventy... -You were the anesthesiologist at her delivery May twelfth, nineteen seventy... ...I was one of a group of... -...I was one of a group of... Answer affirmatively. Simply. Keep those answers to three words. You weren't 'part of a group,' you were her anesthesiologist. Isn't that right? -Answer affirmatively. Simply. Keep those answers to three words. You weren't 'part of a group,' you were her anesthesiologist. Isn't that right? Yes. -Yes. You were there to help Dr. Marx deliver her baby. Were you not? -You were there to help Dr. Marx deliver her baby. Were you not? Yes. -Anything special about the case? When she... -Thank you. When Debby... Dr. Towler, who was in the operating room with you? -Dr. Towler, who was in the operating room with you? Ms. Nevins, nurse-anesthetist; Dr. Marx, of course... -Mary Rooney, the obstetrical nurse... What did these people do when her heart stopped? -What did these people do when her heart stopped? We went to Code Blue... -We went to Code Blue... 'Code Blue,' what does that mean...? -'Code Blue,' what does that mean...? It's a common medical expression, it's a crash program to restore the heartbeat. Dr. Marx cut an airway in her trachea, to get her oxygen, her and the baby... Ms. Nevins... -It's a common medical expression, it's a crash program to restore the heartbeat. Dr. Marx cut an airway in her trachea, to get her oxygen, her and the baby... Ms. Nevins... Why wasn't she getting oxygen...? -Why wasn't she getting oxygen...? Well, many reasons, actually... -Well, many reasons, actually... Tell me one? -Tell me one? She'd aspirated vomitus into her mask... -She'd aspirated vomitus into her mask... She THREW UP IN HER MASK. Let's cut the bullshit. Say it: She THREW UP IN HER MASK. -...and her heart stopped and she wasn't getting oxygen. That's right. -That's right. And what did your team do... -And what did your team do... Well, we... -Well, we... ...You brought thirty years of medical experience to bear. Isn't that what you did? -...You brought thirty years of medical experience to bear. Isn't that what you did? Yes. -Yes. ...A patient riddled with complications, questionable information on her, on her admitting form... -...A patient riddled with complications, questionable information on her, on her admitting form... ...We did everything we could... -...We did everything we could... ...to save her and to save the baby. Is that... -...to save her and to save the baby. Is that... Yes! -Yes! You reached down into death. Now, isn't that right? -You reached down into death. Now, isn't that right? My God, we tried to save her... You can't know... You can't know... -My God, we tried to save her... You can't know... You can't know... Tell us. -Please sit down. I told your wife. I'm sorry that we have to meet out here. I've got a case coming in two days in the Superior Court and my office is a mess of papers. ...that's all right. -...that's all right. I was telling your wife, we have a very good case here. -...the Archdiocese called up, they said who was our attorney, 'cause the case is coming to trial... I doubt we'll have to go to trial... -I doubt we'll have to go to trial... ...we told them we didn't want it to come out this way. -...we told them we didn't want it to come out this way. I completely understand... -I completely understand... We just... -What is this going to cost? It's completely done on a contingency basis. That means whatever the settlement is I retain one-third... that is, of course, the usual arrangement... -You said you're gonna call me up. You didn't call me up. Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are...? Hold on a second. -Hold on a second. I'm going to have you disbarred. I'm going to have your ticket. You know what you did? Do you know what you did? -It's all right, Mickey. You ruined my life, Mister... Me and my wife... and I am going to ruin yours... You don't have to go out there to see that girl. We been going four years. Four years... my wife's been crying herself to sleep what they, what, what they did to her sister. -You ruined my life, Mister... Me and my wife... and I am going to ruin yours... You don't have to go out there to see that girl. We been going four years. Four years... my wife's been crying herself to sleep what they, what, what they did to her sister. I swear to you I wouldn't have turned the offer down unless I thought that I could win the case... -I swear to you I wouldn't have turned the offer down unless I thought that I could win the case... What you thought!? What you thought... I'm a workingman, I'm trying to get my wife out of town, we hired you, we're paying you, I got to find out from the other side they offered two hundred... -What you thought!? What you thought... I'm a workingman, I'm trying to get my wife out of town, we hired you, we're paying you, I got to find out from the other side they offered two hundred... I'm going to win this case... Mist... Mr. Doneghy... I'm going to the Jury with a solid case, a famous doctor as an expert witness, and I'm going to win eight hundred thousand dollars. -I'm going to win this case... Mist... Mr. Doneghy... I'm going to the Jury with a solid case, a famous doctor as an expert witness, and I'm going to win eight hundred thousand dollars. You guys, you guys, you're all the same. The Doctors at the hospital, you... it's 'What I'm going to do for you'; but you screw up it's 'We did the best that we could. I'm dreadfully sorry...' And people like me live with your mistakes the rest of our lives. -If I could accept the offer right now, I would. They took it back. I understand. I went to the Bar Association. They tell me you're going to be disbarred. -Dr. Thompson...? It was good of you to meet... -I have some errands to run, and then I thought we'd spend the evening... That's what I'd planned to... -That's what I'd planned to... I'm going to take you to the home to see the girl... -I'm going to take you to the home to see the girl... From what I've seen, Mr. Galvin, you have a very good case... -From what I've seen, Mr. Galvin, you have a very good case... Yes. Yes. I think so. I hope you'll be comfortable. I'm putting you up at my... -Yes. Yes. I think so. I hope you'll be comfortable. I'm putting you up at my... ...I made a reservation at... -...I made a reservation at... ...apartment. No, no. Please. You don't know who we're dealing with, I, please believe me, they... -...apartment. No, no. Please. You don't know who we're dealing with, I, please believe me, they... ...What difference would... -...What difference would... These people play very rough. They don't want to lose this case. There's a lot of pressure they can bring to bear, I... -These people play very rough. They don't want to lose this case. There's a lot of pressure they can bring to bear, I... There's nothing they can do to me. -Dr. Thompson. From your review of the hospital records of May twelfth nineteen seventy-six. In your opinion, what happened to Deborah Ann Kaye? -In your opinion, what happened to Deborah Ann Kaye? Cardiac arrest. During delivery her heart stopped. When the heart stops the brain's deprived of oxygen. You get brain damage. That is why she's in the state she's in today. -Cardiac arrest. During delivery her heart stopped. When the heart stops the brain's deprived of oxygen. You get brain damage. That is why she's in the state she's in today. Now, Dr. Towler's testified that they restored the heartbeat within three or four minutes. In your opinion is his estimate correct? -Now, Dr. Towler's testified that they restored the heartbeat within three or four minutes. In your opinion is his estimate correct? It's my opinion it took him much longer. Nine... ten minutes. There's too much brain damage. -I didn't do too well for you. No, you did fine. -No, you did fine. I'm afraid that's not true. Will you want me to stay on till Monday? -I'm afraid that's not true. Will you want me to stay on till Monday? No. No thank you, Doctor. You go home. -No. No thank you, Doctor. You go home. You know... sometimes people can surprise you. Sometimes they have a great capacity to hear the truth. -You know... sometimes people can surprise you. Sometimes they have a great capacity to hear the truth. Yes... I... yes. -You sure you don't want me to stay on. No. No. Thank you. You go home. -Are you saying that a failure to restore the heartbeat within nine minutes in itself constitutes bad medical practice? Well... -I... in that small context I would have... I would have to say 'no.' Then you're saying there's no negligence, based on my question? -Then you're saying there's no negligence, based on my question? I... given the limits of your question, that's correct. -I... given the limits of your question, that's correct. The Doctors were not negligent. -The Doctors were not negligent. I... um... -They gave her the wrong anesthetic. Why is that? -Why is that? Her sister said she ate one hour prior to admittance... she... -Her sister said she ate one hour prior to admittance... she... ...that's what the sister said. The chart said she ate nine hours prior to... -...that's what the sister said. The chart said she ate nine hours prior to... ...she went in complaining of stomach cramps. Good doctor would have doubted the information on the chart. -...she went in complaining of stomach cramps. Good doctor would have doubted the information on the chart. Is that what a good doctor would do? How old are you, please? -Is that what a good doctor would do? How old are you, please? I am seventy-four years old. -I am seventy-four years old. What qualifies you as an expert in anesthetics? -What qualifies you as an expert in anesthetics? I am on the staff of... -I am on the staff of... Easthampton Hospital for Women. Excuse me, what is that, a joke? Let me tell you something, Doctor, those men at Catherine Laboure. Men who are known not only in this city, but the world, were trying to save a woman's life. They were there, and here you are, four years later, read some hospital report, and say... -Easthampton Hospital for Women. Excuse me, what is that, a joke? Let me tell you something, Doctor, those men at Catherine Laboure. Men who are known not only in this city, but the world, were trying to save a woman's life. They were there, and here you are, four years later, read some hospital report, and say... ...I made a detailed physical examination of the patient, Sir, yesterday evening, I... -She getting good care over there? Actually, yes. It's by no means bad, I... -Actually, yes. It's by no means bad, I... Then what good would it do to ruin the reputation of two men, to help a girl whose life's not going to be changed in the least? You know what CODE BLUE means? -Then what good would it do to ruin the reputation of two men, to help a girl whose life's not going to be changed in the least? You know what CODE BLUE means? 'Code Blue'... -'Code Blue'... It's a common medical term. -Dr. Towler; page 406, 'Contraindications to general anesthetic. Ideally a patient should refrain from taking nourishment up to nine hours prior to induction of general anesthetic.' Does that sound familiar? Yes. I wrote it. -'Practice and Methodology in Anaesthesia.' General textbook on the subject. Is that correct? I. Yes. It is. -I. Yes. It is. And you wrote that... -And you wrote that... Yes. -Yes. ...Page 414, 'If a patient has taken nourishment within one hour prior to inducement, general anesthetic should be avoided at all costs because of the grave risk the patient will aspirate food particles into his mask.' Is that what happened to Deborah Ann Kaye? She aspirated into her mask? -...Page 414, 'If a patient has taken nourishment within one hour prior to inducement, general anesthetic should be avoided at all costs because of the grave risk the patient will aspirate food particles into his mask.' Is that what happened to Deborah Ann Kaye? She aspirated into her mask? She threw up in her mask, yes. But she hadn't eaten one hour prior to admission. -She threw up in her mask, yes. But she hadn't eaten one hour prior to admission. If she had eaten, say one hour prior to admission, the inducement of a general anesthetic... the type you gave her... would have been negligent...? -If she had eaten, say one hour prior to admission, the inducement of a general anesthetic... the type you gave her... would have been negligent...? Negligent. Yes... it would have been criminal. But that was not the case. -Negligent. Yes... it would have been criminal. But that was not the case. Thank you. -Dr. Gruber... Yes? Galvin, right? -I appreciate -- a man as busy as -- That's perfectly all right. I'm kind of rushed. Do you mind if we walk while we talk? -I read the hospital report on your client. ...Deborah Ann Kaye... -...Deborah Ann Kaye... ...Deborah Ann Kaye... -They called, they're going to settle, what I want to do is build up as much... Right. Who called? -Right. Who called? The Archdiocese called, they want to settle... her estate... -The Archdiocese called, they want to settle... her estate... ...and you're going to do that? -...and you're going to do that? Yes. -Yes. You're going to settle out of court? -Yes. Why? -Uh... in the, well, in the interests of her family... you, Dr. Gruber, you know, you can never tell what a jury is going to do. St. Catherine's a very well thought of institution. Her doctors... Her doctors killed her. -Her doctors killed her. I'm sorry...? -I'm sorry...? Her doctors murdered her. They gave her the wrong anesthetic and they put her in the hospital for life. Her doctors murdered her. -Her doctors murdered her. They gave her the wrong anesthetic and they put her in the hospital for life. Her doctors murdered her. Do you know who her doctors were? -Do you know who her doctors were? I read the file. Yeah. Marx and Towler. I know who they were. -I read the file. Yeah. Marx and Towler. I know who they were. The most respected... -The most respected... Whose side are you arguing...? I thought that you wanted to do something. I don't have any interest in the woman's 'estate' -- No offense, but we all know where the money's going to... I have an interest in the Hospital; and I don't want those bozos working in the same shop as me. They gave her the wrong anesthetic. They turned the girl into a vegetable. They killed her and they killed her kid. You caught 'em. Now: how many others did they kill? -The hospital is owned by the Archdioceses of... What are they going to do? Not invite me to their Birthday party...? Look, I gotta go. I have to be in Cambridge... -We have to... we... we have to keep you under wraps. Please don't, don't discuss... I understand. -I understand. ...the case with anyone. And I'll meet you Tuesday, and we'll go over your testimony... -Thank you... ...that's perfectly all right. -...that's perfectly all right. Uh, why, why are you doing this? -Uh, why, why are you doing this? To do right. Isn't that why you're doing it? -Hi. Hi. How are you doing? -I've been meaning to come in a long time. You live in the neighborhood? -You live in the neighborhood? Uh-huh. My nephew's going to be staying with us in a few months, so I stopped by. -Uh-huh. My nephew's going to be staying with us in a few months, so I stopped by. How old is he? -How old is he? Four. You're great with these kids. -Thank you. You're really... You, are you the one they told me was the nurse? -You're really... You, are you the one they told me was the nurse? Who told you that? -Who told you that? Mrs... -Mrs... Mrs. Simmonds. -Mrs. Simmonds. Yes. -Yes. I used to be a nurse. -I used to be a nurse. That's a wonderful profession. My daughter-in-law's a nurse. What did you do, stop? -Kathy Price... Yes... -Yes... You were the Admitting Nurse at St. Catherine Laboure Hospital on May twelfth, nineteen seventy-six, the night Deborah Ann Kaye was admitted... -You were the Admitting Nurse at St. Catherine Laboure Hospital on May twelfth, nineteen seventy-six, the night Deborah Ann Kaye was admitted... Yes. -Yes. These are your initials, 'K.C.'? -These are your initials, 'K.C.'? Kathy Costello. That's my maiden name. -D'you ask the patient when did she last eat? Yes. -Yes. What did she say? -What did she say? She said she had a full meal one hour before coming to the hospital. -She said she had a full meal one hour before coming to the hospital. One hour. -One hour. Yes. -Yes. And did you write the numeral 'one' down on the record, standing for one hour? -And did you write the numeral 'one' down on the record, standing for one hour? I did. -I did. A single hour. -A single hour. Yes. -Yessir. I'm sorry. Why is that? -Why is that? I was held up. -Now, have you boys tried to resolve your little difficulty because that certainly would save the Commonwealth a lot of time and bother. This is a complicated case, your Honor... -This is a complicated case, your Honor... I'm sure it is, Frank: and let me tell you something. If we find it so complex, how in the hell you think you're going to make a jury understand it? See my point? Let's talk a minute. Frank: what will you and your client take right now this very minute to walk out of here and let this damn thing drop? -I'm sure it is, Frank: and let me tell you something. If we find it so complex, how in the hell you think you're going to make a jury understand it? See my point? Let's talk a minute. Frank: what will you and your client take right now this very minute to walk out of here and let this damn thing drop? My client can't walk, your Honor. -My client can't walk, your Honor. I know full well she can't, Frank. You see the Padre on your way out and he'll punch your ticket. You follow me? I'm trying to help you. -That's it...? Come on, guys... life is too short... You tell me if you're playing 'chicken,' or you mean it. Frank: I don't think I'm talking out of school, but I just heard someone offer you two hundred grand... and that's a lot of money... and if I may say, you haven't got the best of records. ...things change. -...things change. ...that's true. Sometimes they change, sometimes they don't. Now, I remember back to when you were disbarred... -...that's true. Sometimes they change, sometimes they don't. Now, I remember back to when you were disbarred... I wasn't disbarred, they dropped the pro... -I wasn't disbarred, they dropped the pro... And it seems to me, a fella's trying to come back, he'd take this settlement, and get a record for himself. I myself would take it and run like a thief. -And it seems to me, a fella's trying to come back, he'd take this settlement, and get a record for himself. I myself would take it and run like a thief. I'm sure you would. -What is it? Thank you for seeing me. -Thank you for seeing me. That's perfectly all right. -I need an extension for my case. You should have taken their offer. Especially if you were unprepared. -You should have taken their offer. Especially if you were unprepared. I had a witness disappear on me. -I had a witness disappear on me. That happens. -That happens. I could subpoena him if I had a week. -I could subpoena him if I had a week. I don't have a week. This case never should have come to trial. You know better. You're Mr. Independent. You want to be independent? Be independent now. I've got no sympathy for you. -Is the Plaintiff ready? Ready, your Honor. -Ready, your Honor. Defense...? -Do we have time this morning to... All right. Mr. Galvin, you want to continue now, or we can resume with Dr. Thompson this afternoon. Thank you, your Honor, I'll continue. Dr. Thompson. Did you examine Deborah Ann Kaye last night at The Northern Chronic Care Facility? -Sustained. Yes. The witness will confine his testimony to review of the hospital records. What? -What? I believe that's the law... is it not, Mr. Galvin...? -Yes, Mr. Galvin? If I may be permitted to question my own witness in my own way... -If I may be permitted to question my own witness in my own way... I'd just like to get to the point, Mr. Galvin. Let's not waste these people's time. Answer the question, Mr. Witness. Please. Would a nine minute lapse in restoring the heartbeat in and of itself be negligence? -I got a letter from the Judge Advocate's office on you today, fella, you're on your way out... They should have kicked you out on that Lillibridge case. Now this is it today. I'm an attorney on trial before the bar. Representing my client. My client, do you understand? You open your mouth and you're losing my case for me. -I'm an attorney on trial before the bar. Representing my client. My client, do you understand? You open your mouth and you're losing my case for me. Listen to me, fella... -Listen to me, fella... No, no, you listen to me. All I wanted in this case is an even shake. You rushed me into court in five days... my star witness disappears, I can't get a continuance, and I don't give a damn. I'm going up there and I'm going to try it. Let the Jury decide. They told me Sweeney he's a hard- ass, he's a defendant's judge. I don't care. I said, the hell with it. The hell with it. I'll take my chances he'll be fair. -Galvin, look, many years ago... And don't give me this shit, 'I was a lawyer, too.' 'Cause I know who you were. You couldn't hack it as a lawyer. You were Bag Man for the Boys and you still are. I know who you are. -And don't give me this shit, 'I was a lawyer, too.' 'Cause I know who you were. You couldn't hack it as a lawyer. You were Bag Man for the Boys and you still are. I know who you are. Are you done? -Are you done? Damn right I'm done. I'm going to ask for a mistrial and I'm going to request that you disqualify yourself from sitting on this case. I'm going to take a transcript to the State and ask that they impeach your ass. -Damn right I'm done. I'm going to ask for a mistrial and I'm going to request that you disqualify yourself from sitting on this case. I'm going to take a transcript to the State and ask that they impeach your ass. You aren't going to get a mistrial, boy. We're going back this afternoon, we're going to try this case to an end. Now you get out of here before I call the Bailiff and have you thrown in jail. -Nothing further, your Honor... Mr. Concannon...? -I object, your Honor... Overruled... -Overruled... Exception! -Exception! Noted. Thank you. Miss Costello was a rebuttal witness. Her sole rebuttal was the document, which has been disallowed... -D'you find an apartment? Still looking. -Still looking. I changed my life today. What did you do? -I changed my life today. What did you do? I changed my room at the Hotel. -I changed my room at the Hotel. Why? -Why? The TV didn't work. -The TV didn't work. What Hotel are you staying at? -What Hotel are you staying at? And what are you? A cop? -And what are you? A cop? I'm a lawyer. -I'm a lawyer. My ex-husband was a lawyer. -My ex-husband was a lawyer. Really. How wonderful for you. -Really. How wonderful for you. Yes. It was, actually. -Yes. It was, actually. Oh, actually it was. Then why'd you call it off? -Oh, actually it was. Then why'd you call it off? Who says I'm the one that called it off? -Who says I'm the one that called it off? A brick house says you divorced him. I'll put you on your honor. Bet you a hundred dollars against you join me for dinner. And I'll take your word for it. Now you tell me the truth. Because you cannot lie to me. What's your name? -A brick house says you divorced him. I'll put you on your honor. Bet you a hundred dollars against you join me for dinner. And I'll take your word for it. Now you tell me the truth. Because you cannot lie to me. What's your name? Laura. -Laura. My name's Frank. And furthermore, you came back to see me tonight. -My name's Frank. And furthermore, you came back to see me tonight. What if it wasn't you that I came back to see? -What if it wasn't you that I came back to see? You just got lucky. D'you eat yet? Come on. -The weak, the weak have got to have somebody to fight for them. Isn't that the truth? You want another drink? I think I will. -Jimmy! That's why the court exists. The court doesn't exist to give them justice, eh? But to give them a chance at justice. And are they going to get it? -And are they going to get it? They might. Yes. That's the point... is that they might... you see, the jury wants to believe. They're all cynics, sure, because they want to believe. I have to go in there tomorrow to find twelve people to hear this case. I'm going to see a hundred people and pick twelve. And every one of them it's written on their face, 'This is a sham. There is no justice...' but in their heart they're saying, 'Maybe... maybe...' -They might. Yes. That's the point... is that they might... you see, the jury wants to believe. They're all cynics, sure, because they want to believe. I have to go in there tomorrow to find twelve people to hear this case. I'm going to see a hundred people and pick twelve. And every one of them it's written on their face, 'This is a sham. There is no justice...' but in their heart they're saying, 'Maybe... maybe...' Maybe what? -Maybe what? Maybe I can do something right. -Maybe I can do something right. And is that what you're going to do? Is that what you're going to do...? -And is that what you're going to do? Is that what you're going to do...? That's what I'm going to try to do. -Would you like me to leave...? Is this a bad time -- ? What...? -What...? Is this a bad time. -Is this a bad time. We, we... No... we just had a small reversal in the case... I have some, uh... I have some work to do... -We, we... No... we just had a small reversal in the case... I have some, uh... I have some work to do... What happened...? -What happened...? They, uh, they got to my witness. -They, uh, they got to my witness. ...and is that serious? -I've got to work... Do you want me to go...? -Do you want me to go...? No, no, I'm just... -Why don't you get some rest? I've got to work. -I've got to work. You can't work if you can't think. You get in bed. It's all right. I'll stay here with you. It's all right. Come on... -You can't work if you can't think. You get in bed. It's all right. I'll stay here with you. It's all right. Come on... You're going to stay here...? -You're going to stay here...? Yes. -Do you think it's my fault? Isn't there something you... -Isn't there something you... That's not the question. It's over. Do you think that it's my fault? If I'd... if I'd... I never should have taken it. There was no way that I was going to win. -That's not the question. It's over. Do you think that it's my fault? If I'd... if I'd... I never should have taken it. There was no way that I was going to win. You're talking like a drunk. -You're talking like a drunk. That's what I am. -And it's over...? Yes. -Yes. Well, then what are you doing here? -Well, then what are you doing here? I... do you want me to leave? -I... do you want me to leave? You do what you want. You want to leave... You want to go kill yourself? -You do what you want. You want to leave... You want to go kill yourself? I... -I... You want me to tell you it's your fault? It probably is. What are you going to do about it? I thought it's not over till the jury comes in. -You want me to tell you it's your fault? It probably is. What are you going to do about it? I thought it's not over till the jury comes in. Who told you that? -Who told you that? You told me so. Maybe you'd get some sympathy. You came to the wrong place. -You told me so. Maybe you'd get some sympathy. You came to the wrong place. And what makes you so tough? -And what makes you so tough? Maybe I'll tell you later. -Maybe I'll tell you later. Is there going to be a later...? -Is there going to be a later...? Not if you don't grow up... -Not if you don't grow up... If I don't 'grow up...' -If I don't 'grow up...' You're like a kid, you're coming in here like it's Saturday night, you want me to say that you've got a fever -- you don't have to go to school... -You're like a kid, you're coming in here like it's Saturday night, you want me to say that you've got a fever -- you don't have to go to school... You, you don't under... -You, you don't under... Oh, yes, I do, Joe. Believe me. You say you're going to lose. Is it my fault? Listen! The damned case doesn't start until tomorrow and already it's over for you! -Oh, yes, I do, Joe. Believe me. You say you're going to lose. Is it my fault? Listen! The damned case doesn't start until tomorrow and already it's over for you! It's over! -It's over! What is your wife's picture doing by the side of your... -What is your wife's picture doing by the side of your... What is that to you...? -What is that to you...? What would you like it to be to me...? I, I, I can't invest in failure. -Joe... Joe... Stop pressuring me... -You're pressuring yourself... No... no... -No... no... Yes. We've all got to let go. -Is it over? No. -No. What are you going to do? -What are you going to do? I don't have a goddamned idea. -Thank you. I have to talk to you. -I have to talk to you. Call the A.M.A. ...I can't talk now. ...tell them you're Dr. Somebody... you have to find this nurse... -Continental Casualty... Mr. Alito, please. -Mr. Alito, please. Business hours are over, Sir. This is the switch... -Business hours are over, Sir. This is the switch... I have to reach him. This is an emergency. Could you give me his home number? -I have to reach him. This is an emergency. Could you give me his home number? I'm sorry, Sir, we're not allowed... -I'm sorry, Sir, we're not allowed... ...Would you, would you call him up. I'll give you my number, and ask him... -...Would you, would you call him up. I'll give you my number, and ask him... I can't guarantee that... -I can't guarantee that... I understand. Thank you, my name is Galvin. I'll be at the following number in a half an hour. It's urgent. -Mr. Galvin's... Let me talk to Mickey. -Hello, I'm calling from... If you're selling something, I'm late for work... -If you're selling something, I'm late for work... I'm calling from Professional Nurse Quarterly... -I'm calling from Professional Nurse Quarterly... From the magazine? -From the magazine? This is Mr. Wallace in Subscriptions? -This is Mr. Wallace in Subscriptions? How come you're calling me from...? -How come you're calling me from...? This is Miss Costello...? -This is Miss Costello...? Yes. Price... -Yes. Price... Pardon? -Pardon? Kathy Price. -Kathy Price. We find that your subscription lapsed... -We find that your subscription lapsed... My subscription lapsed three years ago... -My subscription lapsed three years ago... That's why I'm calling, Miss Price... -That's why I'm calling, Miss Price... Missus... -Missus... We have a renew-your-subscription offer... -We have a renew-your-subscription offer... We get it at work. We get the magazine at work. -We get it at work. We get the magazine at work. Yes, we know that you do. I have it in my files. That's at the Manhattan Health Center... -Yes, we know that you do. I have it in my files. That's at the Manhattan Health Center... No. At Chelsea Childcare. Okay. Look, call me Monday, hey? I'm late for work. -I'm Joe Galvin, I'm representing Deborah Ann Kaye, case against St. Catherine Laboure. I told the guy I didn't want to talk to... -I told the guy I didn't want to talk to... I'll just take a minute. Deborah Ann Kaye. You know what I'm talking about. The case is going to trial. Our chief witness is a Dr. David Gruber, you know who he is? -I'll just take a minute. Deborah Ann Kaye. You know what I'm talking about. The case is going to trial. Our chief witness is a Dr. David Gruber, you know who he is? No. -No. He's the Assistant Chief of Anesthesiology, Massachusetts Commonwealth. He says your doctors, Towler and Marx, put my girl in the hospital for life. And we can prove that. What we don't know is why. What went on in there? In the O.R. That's what we'd like to know. Something went wrong. And you know what it was. They gave her the wrong anesthetic. What happened? The phone rang... someone got distracted... what? -He's the Assistant Chief of Anesthesiology, Massachusetts Commonwealth. He says your doctors, Towler and Marx, put my girl in the hospital for life. And we can prove that. What we don't know is why. What went on in there? In the O.R. That's what we'd like to know. Something went wrong. And you know what it was. They gave her the wrong anesthetic. What happened? The phone rang... someone got distracted... what? ...you got your doctor's testimony. Why do you need me? -...you got your doctor's testimony. Why do you need me? I want someone who was in the O.R. We're going to win the case, there's no question of that. It's just a matter of how big... -I want someone who was in the O.R. We're going to win the case, there's no question of that. It's just a matter of how big... I've got nothing to say to you. -I've got nothing to say to you. You know what happened. -You know what happened. Nothing happened. -Nothing happened. Then why aren't you testifying for their side? -I can subpoena you, you know. I can get you up there on the stand. And ask me what? -And ask me what? Who put my client in the hospital for life. -Who put my client in the hospital for life. I didn't do it, Mister. -I didn't do it, Mister. Who are you protecting, then? -Who are you protecting, then? Who says that I'm protecting anyone? -Who says that I'm protecting anyone? I do. Who is it? The Doctors. What do you owe them? -I do. Who is it? The Doctors. What do you owe them? I don't owe them a goddamn thing. -I don't owe them a goddamn thing. Then why don't you testify? -Then why don't you testify? You know, you're pushy, fella... -You know, you're pushy, fella... You think I'm pushy now, wait 'til I get you on the stand... -You think I'm pushy now, wait 'til I get you on the stand... Well, maybe you better do that, then. You know you guys are all the same. You don't care who gets hurt. You're a bunch of whores. You'd do anything for a dollar. You got no loyalty... no nothing... you're a bunch of whores. -I'm... Mrs. Doneghy? I'm Frank Galvin... why didn't you go in? It's locked. -It's locked. It's locked? -It's not a good case. It's a very good case. A healthy young woman goes into the hospital to deliver her third child, she's given the wrong anesthetic... -A healthy young woman goes into the hospital to deliver her third child, she's given the wrong anesthetic... ...we, we love her, Dick and me... -...we, we love her, Dick and me... ...I'm sure you do... -...I'm sure you do... But what can we do? She don't know who's visiting her... -But what can we do? She don't know who's visiting her... ...I know. I went... -...I know. I went... ...You saw her? -...You saw her? Yes. Yes, I have. -Yes. Yes, I have. You know how beautiful she was? Her husband left her, and he took her kids... They, they, they'd let you die in there. They don't care. Nobody cares. The Patriot Home, the Chronic Care... in Arlington...? They'd take her in. Perpetual care. They'd take her. Fifty thousand dollars they want. An endowment. -You know how beautiful she was? Her husband left her, and he took her kids... They, they, they'd let you die in there. They don't care. Nobody cares. The Patriot Home, the Chronic Care... in Arlington...? They'd take her in. Perpetual care. They'd take her. Fifty thousand dollars they want. An endowment. ...fifty thousand dollars? -...fifty thousand dollars? I don't want to leave her. Dick... the, the... and Father Laughlin, he said that it was God's will... -I don't want to leave her. Dick... the, the... and Father Laughlin, he said that it was God's will... ...I understand... -...I understand... My doctor told me that I got to move out West... that's when we filed in court. We didn't want to sue... -My doctor told me that I got to move out West... that's when we filed in court. We didn't want to sue... ...I understand... -...I understand... ...But Dick, he's looking for two years in Tucson... and they called him up and said to come out. He's a good man. He's only trying to do what's right. -He saw her at the Northern Care... ...and I have inquiries out to doctors, experts in the field... there is, of course, a problem getting a doctor to testify that another doctor's negligent... -We just can't do it anymore. This is our chance to get away. I'm going to see you get that chance. -What does it mean? I... I mean we, you have other tactics... We, yes. Yes. They, they present their side, and I get the same chance. To cross-examine... to... to... -We, yes. Yes. They, they present their side, and I get the same chance. To cross-examine... to... to... Are we going to win? We have, you know, other tactics, though... -Are we going to win? We have, you know, other tactics, though... Yes. -Dr. Gruber. Dr. Gruber's not in. -Dr. Gruber's not in. I had an appointment at his office, I think I must have got it wrong. We had a meeting... -I had an appointment at his office, I think I must have got it wrong. We had a meeting... He's not in, Sir. -He's not in, Sir. Where is he? -I... please. My wife... my wife's prescription has run out. If I can call him... Dr. Halpern's taking all his... -Dr. Halpern's taking all his... No, no, no. I have to talk to him. If I can only call him... -No, no, no. I have to talk to him. If I can only call him... He's... you can't reach him, Sir. He's in the, on some island in the Caribbean, they don't have a phone. He'll be back in a week... If you'd like Dr. Halpern's number... -Another, Frank...? ...everybody. Mike says, 'Pat, you mean to tell me for a buck you get a free lunch and a beer, and then you go in the back and get laid?' 'That's correct.' Mike says, 'Pat. Have you been in this bar ?' Pat says, 'No, but my sister has...' Everyone. Buy yourself one too. -I want to buy you a drink. Thanks, Franky. -Well, well, well. Huh? Yeah. -Yeah. It's a long road that has no turning. -It's a long road that has no turning. That's for sure, Frank. -Hi, Mickey... What the hell do you think you're doing...? What's going on here...? -What the hell do you think you're doing...? What's going on here...? Uh... -Uh... Fuck you. I got a call today from Sally Doneghy... -Fuck you. I got a call today from Sally Doneghy... ...now who is that...? -...now who is that...? ...You're 'sposed to be in court in ten days and she's telling me you haven't even met with them... -...You're 'sposed to be in court in ten days and she's telling me you haven't even met with them... Sally Doneghy, now who is that? -Sally Doneghy, now who is that? One lousy letter eighteen months ago... I try to throw a fuckin' case your way... -One lousy letter eighteen months ago... I try to throw a fuckin' case your way... ...hey, I don't need your charity... -...hey, I don't need your charity... ...I get these people to trust you -- they're coming here tomorrow by the way -- I get this expert doctor to talk to you. I'm doing all your fuckin' legwork -- and it's eighteen months. You're 'sposed to be in court. I bet you haven't even seen the file. -I have to talk to you. What do you want? -What do you want? Come on. Let's get a drink. -Come on. Let's get a drink. Don't touch anything. -Are you out of your mind...? ...I'm going to need your help... -...I'm going to need your help... You need my help...? You need a goddamn keeper... are you telling me that you turned down two-hundred-ten grand? Huh...? Are you nuts? Eh? Are you nuts. What are you going to do, bring her back to life? -You need my help...? You need a goddamn keeper... are you telling me that you turned down two-hundred-ten grand? Huh...? Are you nuts? Eh? Are you nuts. What are you going to do, bring her back to life? I'm going to help her. -I'm going to help her. To do what...? To do what, for chrissake...? To help her to do what? She's dead... -To do what...? To do what, for chrissake...? To help her to do what? She's dead... They killed her. And they're trying to buy it... -They killed her. And they're trying to buy it... That's the point, you stupid fuck. Let them buy it. We let them buy the case. That's what I took it for. You let this drop -- we'll go up to New Hampshire, kill some fuckin' deer... -Mick. Mick. Mick... What? -What? You -- Listen: you said to me, 'if not now, when...' -You -- Listen: you said to me, 'if not now, when...' I know what I said but not now. You won it. Franky. You won it. When they give you the money, that means that you won. We don't want to go to court -- is this getting to you...? -...he's a good man... ...he's a good man...? He's the Prince of Fuckin' Darkness... he'll have people in there testifying that the broad is well -- they saw her Tuesday on a surfboard at Hyannis... don't fuck with this case. -...he's a good man...? He's the Prince of Fuckin' Darkness... he'll have people in there testifying that the broad is well -- they saw her Tuesday on a surfboard at Hyannis... don't fuck with this case. ...I have to stand up for her... -...I have to stand up for her... Frank, but not now. Frank. You're trying to wipe out some old business. But not now. I understand. But you go call 'em back. You call the Bishop back. -Frank, but not now. Frank. You're trying to wipe out some old business. But not now. I understand. But you go call 'em back. You call the Bishop back. I have to try this case. I have to do it, Mick. I've got to stand up for that girl. I need your help. Mick, will you help me...? Will you help me...? -Who have we got? We've got her sister. Testifies she had a meal one hour before she was admitted to the hospital. This is the point. -We've got her sister. Testifies she had a meal one hour before she was admitted to the hospital. This is the point. You got the admittance form says patient ate nine hours prior to admittance. -You got the admittance form says patient ate nine hours prior to admittance. Admittance form is wrong. -Admittance form is wrong. Forget it. You can't prove it. Sister's testimony is no good. Jury knows we win she gets the cash. -Forget it. You can't prove it. Sister's testimony is no good. Jury knows we win she gets the cash. I've got my Dr. Gruber, says her heart condition means they gave her the wrong anesthetic anyway, plus she came in complaining of stomach pains... -I've got my Dr. Gruber, says her heart condition means they gave her the wrong anesthetic anyway, plus she came in complaining of stomach pains... ...Gruber's not bad. -...Gruber's not bad. Not bad...? This guy's Dr. Kildare, the jury's going to love him, Mick... And you calm down, all right? Their guy, Towler's, the author of the book, 'Methodology and Practice, Anesthesiology.' ...and they got depositions from the nurses, everybody in the operating room, the scrub-nurse... 'All these guys are God. I saw them walk on water...' They had an obstetrical nurse in there. We got a deposition from the obstetrical nurse? -Not bad...? This guy's Dr. Kildare, the jury's going to love him, Mick... And you calm down, all right? Their guy, Towler's, the author of the book, 'Methodology and Practice, Anesthesiology.' ...and they got depositions from the nurses, everybody in the operating room, the scrub-nurse... 'All these guys are God. I saw them walk on water...' They had an obstetrical nurse in there. We got a deposition from the obstetrical nurse? No. -No. 'Mary Rooney, forty-nine. Lives in Arlington, still working at the hospital.' Can you get out tomorrow? How come she isn't speaking up. -'Mary Rooney, forty-nine. Lives in Arlington, still working at the hospital.' Can you get out tomorrow? How come she isn't speaking up. Right. -Right. Okay now. Cases: Smith versus State of Michigan. -Okay now. Cases: Smith versus State of Michigan. Right. -Right. Brindisi versus Electric Boat. -Brindisi versus Electric Boat. You got a good memory, Franky. -You got a good memory, Franky. I had a good teacher. McLean versus Urban Transport... -Jimmy? Bushmills. Lookit, do me a favor. I'll buy you a drink tomorrow. Yeah? And what are you going to do tonight? -Yeah? And what are you going to do tonight? I'm going to get laid. -Been a long time, huh...? I'm getting it back. Don't worry about me, Mick. I'm fine. D'you find the obstetric nurse? -I'm getting it back. Don't worry about me, Mick. I'm fine. D'you find the obstetric nurse? Mary Rooney. She won't talk to me. I tried her at the hospital. I'm going to try her back at home. Read this. -So what? So what...? The best is yet to come. Check the TV Guide. They got our Dr. Towler on a panel on GBH on Friday: 'The Healing Hand. The Experts Speak.' -So what...? The best is yet to come. Check the TV Guide. They got our Dr. Towler on a panel on GBH on Friday: 'The Healing Hand. The Experts Speak.' They still have to take it to a jury. -What I'm saying, they're getting some help. So what do you want me to do? Concannon's going to try the case his way, I'm going to try it mine. You want me to go wee wee wee all the time because he's got some flack, got stories in the newspaper. I'm going to win this case. -John: gimme a cuesta-ray. Oh shit, what's today? -Oh shit, what's today? Today is Tuesday. What? -Today is Tuesday. What? I've got to go see Gruber. What's the best cigars you have? -I've got to go see Gruber. What's the best cigars you have? Give 'em a box of Macanudos. -Give 'em a box of Macanudos. Mickey: I'm supposed to meet somebody at O'Rourke's, I can't make it. -What happened, Joey...? I can't talk now. -I can't talk now. D'you meet with Dr. Gruber...? -Yeah? How's our new witness? D'you find the obstetric nurse? -D'you find the obstetric nurse? She's workin' the late shift at the Hospital. She's at home now, I'm going over there to talk to... -She's workin' the late shift at the Hospital. She's at home now, I'm going over there to talk to... Gimme the address. I'm gonna go. We're going to need her. -How are you holding up? I'm swell. -I'm swell. And all we've got is a witch doctor! -And all we've got is a witch doctor! Yeah. -Okay. What do you do when you don't have a witness? You use their witness. -You use their witness. That's right. -That's right. I think we tried that. The case is over. -Are you with me... are you awake...? Yeah. I'm awake. -Yeah. I'm awake. Rooney's protecting someone. Who is she protecting? -Rooney's protecting someone. Who is she protecting? The Doctors. -The Doctors. She's protecting the Doctors she'd be up there on the stand... -She's protecting the Doctors she'd be up there on the stand... Read me what she said. -'You guys are a bunch of whores... uh... loyalty... you don't care who gets hurt... you don't have any loyalty...' ...one of the other nurses? -...one of the other nurses? Who? They're all testifying. Everybody who was in the O.R.'s going to take the stand. -Who? They're all testifying. Everybody who was in the O.R.'s going to take the stand. All right. Who wasn't in the O.R.? -All right. Who wasn't in the O.R.? What difference can that make...? All right... -Uh... the admitting nurse... What did she do? -What did she do? She didn't do anything. She took the patient's history and signed the charts. 'K.C.' 'Kathy Costello...' -She didn't do anything. She took the patient's history and signed the charts. 'K.C.' 'Kathy Costello...' The 'History'...? -The 'History'...? How old are you, how many children... when did you last eat... -We don't have anything from the Nurse Association? The broad has disappeared... -The broad has disappeared... The Hospital...? -...yeah... good... ...you need some old forms that she had... somebody's dying... -...four years ago... Hello. This is Mr. Dorchester in Records. We're looking for Kathy Costello... -Hello. This is Mr. Dorchester in Records. We're looking for Kathy Costello... I need a cigarette! She left my office four years ago, we're looking for a chart... I need a cigarette... -What the hell are you doing here? We got to talk. -What are you doing in New York...? Come on, we'll get a cup of coffee... -I talked to Johnnie White at the Bar Association. The broad used to work for one of Concannon's partners in New York awhile ago. She wanted to move to Boston. How badly did she hurt us, Joe? I don't know. -We got a mistrial, you know. Joe -- did you hear what I said...? I don't want a mistrial. -I spoke to her, and everything is all right. I, what are you talking about? I talked to her this morning, and she said... -I, what are you talking about? I talked to her this morning, and she said... She told me. -She told me. She did? -She did? I just saw her. -I just saw her. In New York? -In New York? What? -What? You saw Kat in New York... ...or is she in town? Is she in town...? -Dr. Towler... Yes. -Yes. You have a record of what happened in the operating room... -You have a record of what happened in the operating room... Yes, that's correct. -Yes, that's correct. ...there are notations every thirty seconds... -...there are notations every thirty seconds... Yes. -Yes. ...of the procedures... -...of the procedures... Yes, the roving nurse... -Yes, the roving nurse... But those notations stop... ...Four-and-one-half minutes after Deborah Ann Kaye's... -But those notations stop... ...Four-and-one-half minutes after Deborah Ann Kaye's... We, we were rather busy... -We, we were rather busy... Four-and-one-half minutes after her heart stopped. And they resume seven minutes... -Four-and-one-half minutes after her heart stopped. And they resume seven minutes... As I've said we had some more... -As I've said we had some more... ...they start again three minutes earlier... -...they start again three minutes earlier... We had rather more important things on our mind than taking notes. We were trying to restore her... -We had rather more important things on our mind than taking notes. We were trying to restore her... What happened in those three... -What happened in those three... ...we were trying to restore her heartbeat. -...we were trying to restore her heartbeat. What happened in those three minutes...? -What happened in those three minutes...? We'd gone to 'Code Blue,' we were administering electro... -We'd gone to 'Code Blue,' we were administering electro... Why did it take that long to get her heartbeat... -Brain damage could have been... it didn't necessarily take nine minutes, it could have been caused in two... Wait, wait, wait, you're saying that her brain damage could have been caused by her being deprived of oxygen for two minutes...? -Wait, wait, wait, you're saying that her brain damage could have been caused by her being deprived of oxygen for two minutes...? Yes. -Yes. Huh. And why is that? -Huh. And why is that? Because she was anemic. It's right there on her chart. Her brain was getting less oxygen anyway... -Franky can't make it. He had an appointment he forgot, he's going to see you later. I'm Mickey Morrissey, we're supposed to get to know each other. How'm I doing so far? -How'm I doing so far? So far you're great. You got a cigarette? -Stearns, Harrington, you know who that is? Should I? -Should I? A huge law firm. Okay? They put him in the firm, he's married, everything's superb. Franky, he's starting to talk like he comes from Dorsetshire, some fuckin' place, 'You must drop by with Pat and me...' Okay...? -A huge law firm. Okay? They put him in the firm, he's married, everything's superb. Franky, he's starting to talk like he comes from Dorsetshire, some fuckin' place, 'You must drop by with Pat and me...' Okay...? Yes. -Yes. ...and he's making a billion dollars every minute working for Stearns, Harrington, and he bought a dog, and everything is rosy. Then Mr. Stearns, he tried to fix a case. -...and he's making a billion dollars every minute working for Stearns, Harrington, and he bought a dog, and everything is rosy. Then Mr. Stearns, he tried to fix a case. The Big Boy did...? -The Big Boy did...? That Frank was working on. Yeah. He thought Franky needed some help, so they bribed a juror. So Franky finds out. He comes to me in tears. He thinks that anybody who knows what a 'spinnaker' is got to be a saint. I told him 'Franky, wake up. These people are sharks. What do you think they got so rich from? Doing good?' He can't be comforted. He tells the boys at Stearns and Harrington they've disappointed him, he's going to the Judge to rat them out. -That Frank was working on. Yeah. He thought Franky needed some help, so they bribed a juror. So Franky finds out. He comes to me in tears. He thinks that anybody who knows what a 'spinnaker' is got to be a saint. I told him 'Franky, wake up. These people are sharks. What do you think they got so rich from? Doing good?' He can't be comforted. He tells the boys at Stearns and Harrington they've disappointed him, he's going to the Judge to rat them out. Huh. -Huh. Before he can get there here comes this Federal Marshal, and Franky's indicted for Jury tampering, they throw him in jail, he's gonna be disbarred, his life is over. Jimmy, gimme another drink. How are you? -Before he can get there here comes this Federal Marshal, and Franky's indicted for Jury tampering, they throw him in jail, he's gonna be disbarred, his life is over. Jimmy, gimme another drink. How are you? Me, too. -Me, too. Okay. Now, so he's in jail. He, finally, he gets to see the light, he calls up Harrington, he says he thinks he made a mistake. As if by magic, charges against him are dropped, he's released from jail. P.S. He's fired from the firm, his wife divorces him, he turns to drink and mopes around three and a half years. You like that story? -Looks almost cold now, don't it? That won't start no more fires. We might's well go home. -That won't start no more fires. We might's well go home. Yeah. No sense stayin' out here. -Yeah. No sense stayin' out here. Let's go. -It's an enemy sneak attack. Let's get outta here! Wait a minute - wait a minute!.... Bombs don't unscrew. -Wait a minute - wait a minute!.... Bombs don't unscrew. It's no meteor, that's for sure! -It's no meteor, that's for sure! Darnedest thing I ever saw - the way that's unscrewing! -We'd be the first to make contact with 'em -- see? We'd be in all the papers! -We'd be in all the papers! Hey, how about that! -Hey, how about that! We could show 'em we're friendly, huh? Walk out there with a white flag! Here - I got an old sugar sack in my car! -Hey, there - open up! Come on out! We're friends! -That explains why communication is cut the moment their machines begin to move. Madrid has just blacked out!! Nothing more coming through. -Madrid has just blacked out!! Nothing more coming through. The same thing that happened on our Pacific Coast. Anything from them yet? -Mister Secretary - if they link up with those others near Fresno... All right - I've seen enough! -There's only one thing that will stop the Martians! We've held back pre- viously because of the danger of radiation to civilians. Now there's no choice. The United Nations has voted authority to the United States. The White House will confirm an order to use the Atom bomb. Then our first target will be the initial landing place outside Los Angeles. -Then our first target will be the initial landing place outside Los Angeles. I'll request the scientists from Pacific-Tech to monitor the drop. We'll clear the area all around. After that we'll hit them all over the world. I'll have long-range bombers alerted, loaded and standing by. -Hey, you! Better get outa here! I'm looking for some Pacific-Tech professors... -I'm looking for some Pacific-Tech professors... There's nobody left around here now. -There's nobody left around here now. We had a chance...We could have stopped them! The mob stole the trucks and smashed everything up. The fools! They cut their own throats! -Hurry up! Jump in! There was a girl with them...If I could find her.... -You look kinda lost yourself. But I think I know where she'll be.... -Is that it over there? Yes...ugly looking, isn't it. -Did you see it come down? Yes...I was fishing up in the hills. -Yes...I was fishing up in the hills. You must have caught plenty with all that tackle! -You must have caught plenty with all that tackle! Oh - there were three of us. The others flew back in my plane. I don't understand why a meteor this size didn't make a bigger crater. -Oh - there were three of us. The others flew back in my plane. I don't understand why a meteor this size didn't make a bigger crater. It hit sideways and skidded in. -What's that fellow over there trying to do - dig it out? He's top man in astro and nuclear physics. He knows all about meteors! -You seem to know a lot about him. Well, I did a thesis on modern scien- tists - working for my Masters degree. -Well, I did a thesis on modern scien- tists - working for my Masters degree. Did it do you any good? -Did it do you any good? Why, sure -- I got it! Do you have a match? -Why, sure -- I got it! Do you have a match? I'm sorry. I don't smoke. -I'm sorry. I don't smoke. Forrester's the man behind the new atomic engines. They had him on the cover of 'Time'. You've got to rate to get that! -Forrester's the man behind the new atomic engines. They had him on the cover of 'Time'. You've got to rate to get that! Aw, he isn't that good...! -Aw, he isn't that good...! How can you say that when you don't know him! -I do know him...slightly. What's he like? -What's he like? Like...ah... -Well, you certainly don't look like yourself in that get-up! But I am happy to meet you anyway. I'm Sylvia Van Buren. I teach Library Science over at USC. I didn't know how to stop you...! -I didn't know how to stop you...! I might have recognized you without the beard. And you didn't wear glasses on the 'Time' cover! -I might have recognized you without the beard. And you didn't wear glasses on the 'Time' cover! They're really for long distance. When I want to look at something close... I take them off. -They've all stopped at the same time. There's only about one explanation for a thing like this..Got a pin? -How does it happen cars are running? Automobile ignitions are insulated. -The troops are certainly moving in here! Didn't you have something to do with this? I know you sent word to the Sixth Army Command! -Didn't you have something to do with this? I know you sent word to the Sixth Army Command! I just told them the local situation. Colonel Heffner's in full charge now. -I just told them the local situation. Colonel Heffner's in full charge now. You never know where you're going to wind up when you go to a square dance! -Good to see you, General. This is Pastor Collins, director of Civil Defense. Sheriff Bogany, head of the local forces ... Miss Van Buren. Would you like some coffee, General? -We can't go into town - everybody's getting out of there! I'll fly you over to Pasadena. Can you handle one of these? -Can you handle one of these? Sure...get in! -You'll hit something! Can't you go higher? No. The air's going to be full of Jets in a minute...And there they are! -I never noticed before - that's a cowboy tie.... I bought it for the square dance. I thought I ought to wear some- thing Western. -Is that... machine...? It's gone now. -It's gone now. Where are we? -Where are we? Southwest of Corona, somewhere. There must have been another cylinder down here. They've been through this whole area and cleared everybody out. There's a farmhouse. Let's see if we can find something to eat...! -I almost forget when I ate last. It looks so good.... You know, mostly I get my meals in coffee shops and restaurants. Don't you live at home? -Don't you live at home? No, on the campus. I haven't any family. -No, on the campus. I haven't any family. I come from a big one. Nine of us. All in Minnesota, except me. -I come from a big one. Nine of us. All in Minnesota, except me. I have no close folks. My parents died when I was a kid. -A big family must be fun...I imagine it makes you feel you belong to something. It does...Maybe that's why I feel kind of lost right now. -It does...Maybe that's why I feel kind of lost right now. We'll get safely out of here, don't worry. -We'll get safely out of here, don't worry. But they seem to murder everything that moves...! -But they seem to murder everything that moves...! If they're mortal, they must have mortal weaknesses. They'll be stopped -- somehow! -I've been as close to them as anyone. But not close enough for real observation... I feel like I did one time when I was small. Awful scared and lonesome...I'd wandered off - I've forgotten why - but the family and whole crowds of neighbors were hunting for me. They found me in a church. I was afraid to go in any place else. -I stayed right by the door - praying for the one who loved me best to come and find me. It was Uncle Matthew who found me. I liked him. -He liked you ... I could bawl my head off! But you're not going to. You're not the kind. You're tired, anyway. You've been up all night. You cracked up in a plane. Slept in a ditch. But you want to know something? It doesn't show on you at all. -How long was I out? Hours. I've been so scared...! -Nothing there now. It was... ...one of them! -It was... ...one of them! What was it like? -What was it like? I couldn't see much in the dark - but it was one! -I couldn't see much in the dark - but it was one! We're right in a nest of 'em! ... I've got to get a look at them. -Maybe they aren't too sure we're here. They could be as curious about us as we are about them. -They could be as curious about us as we are about them. Maybe ... Maybe they want to take us alive. -They've blocked it! It's blocked here, too! They've pushed up earth or something all around outside. Here, this way...! -Is it possible to go in right after the explosion? Yes, with these suits. We've used them before on atomic tests... Odd- looking, aren't they? -Yes, with these suits. We've used them before on atomic tests... Odd- looking, aren't they? Very futuristic. Yours doesn't really go with that butch haircut! -Very futuristic. Yours doesn't really go with that butch haircut! I could wear it longer -- but it's less trouble this way. -I could wear it longer -- but it's less trouble this way. My kid brother has one. You know why? -My kid brother has one. You know why? Yes ... Fits better in a football helmet. -Yes ... Fits better in a football helmet. How'd you guess? -How'd you guess? That's the kind of a kid brother you'd have! -The Rockies...! You'd rather get back to that big family of yours in Minnesota, wouldn't you? I wonder if they're going through this too...? -I probably wouldn't be able to get to them if I tried... You'll be all right with us.... ...for as long as anybody's got! -You'll be all right with us.... ...for as long as anybody's got! Don't let's lose each other. -That's what knocked the phones out, too. How could it happen to everybody's watch together? -How could it happen to everybody's watch together? Have you got a pocket compass? -That needle ain't pointing north! It's pointing out to the gully - where that meteor came down. -What is that gizmo?! I think that - gizmo - is a machine from another planet. -I think that - gizmo - is a machine from another planet. We better get word to the authorities and -- Look! -This Martian blood... Let's make a quick analysis and see what we've got! It might give us something. -A forlorn hope - but there is a chance. It might give us time to search out some weakness in the Martians. -It might give us time to search out some weakness in the Martians. I believe we can get a lead from their anaemic blood. -We know now that we can't beat their machines -- but we can beat them! They are mortal beings...The only question is whether we have time enough to do anything! If we get what transportation we can, and pick up instruments and books from Pacific-Tech... -Gratzman! -- Gratzman! Did you get those biotics? No. I thought you had them. -No. I thought you had them. All right. I'll get them! Go ahead - go ahead! I'll catch up with you. -I got a message for you. You're the guys from Pacific-Tech, ain't you? Right. -Right. Looks like the fishing was good. -It's about that meteor. They say it's a whopper. The District Officer phoned us at the lookout up on the summit. Thought you might be interested... It's ten or twelve miles from here - over by Linda Rosa. Are they sure it's a meteor? It didn't come down like one. -Are they sure it's a meteor? It didn't come down like one. That's right - came down in kinda spurts, didn't it? You fellers'll have to figure it out. You're scientists All I know - they say it's as big as a house and practically red hot. -That's right - came down in kinda spurts, didn't it? You fellers'll have to figure it out. You're scientists All I know - they say it's as big as a house and practically red hot. I'd like to borrow your car and take a look at it in the morning. -There's one - there's the other, and we're right between them! So is the town, I notice! -So is the town, I notice! I warned you Civil Defense people to be ready if you have to evacuate. -I warned you Civil Defense people to be ready if you have to evacuate. I just came to tell you - everyone has been alerted. -Colonel - shooting's no good! It's always been a good persuader. -It's always been a good persuader. Couldn't you try to communicate with them first - and shoot later if you have to? -General Mann -- I was told to expect you, sir. I'm Colonel Heffner. I'm here to make up a report, not to interfere with the operations you've set up. You're still in command. Clayton Forrester! I haven't seen you since Oak Ridge. -That's their position? You've certainly got them surrounded. I suppose they've neutralized all communications here. Not all. Radio is out. But our field phones are okay so far. -Not all. Radio is out. But our field phones are okay so far. And they'll go out the minute there's another ray. A cylinder reported down by Huntington Beach. That's a job for the Navy. -We will, sir! From the data - and from that picture the Air Force took earlier tonight ... ... what we've got in the gully out there is a guide ship. One lands ... Others follow later. They appear to clear an area, then drop in groups of threes, joined magnetically. Is that possible? -My orders are not to go into action unless they make a move out of there. That's because we want a chance to observe them. This is the only place we've had time to surround them with sufficient force to contain them. What happens here will be a guide to all other operations. The minute action begins and a pattern of defense develops, I'll get my report to Washington. You've deployed your forces well. -That's because we want a chance to observe them. This is the only place we've had time to surround them with sufficient force to contain them. What happens here will be a guide to all other operations. The minute action begins and a pattern of defense develops, I'll get my report to Washington. You've deployed your forces well. Thank you, sir. If they start anything, we can blast them right off the earth! -Thank you, sir. If they start anything, we can blast them right off the earth! They'll probably move at dawn. -That probably dropped half way to Pomona!...What do you think? It was nearer than that. -Uncle Matthew...this is Dr. Clayton Forrester. My uncle - Dr. Matthew Collins, pastor of the Community Church. Well-l...how do you do, Dr. Forrester! -They don't do much of anything...! There's a square dance at the social hall this evening. -They are living creatures out there. But they're not human! Dr. Forrester says they're some kind of an advanced civilization -- -But they're not human! Dr. Forrester says they're some kind of an advanced civilization -- If they're more advanced than us, they should be nearer the Creator for that reason! -Let's go back inside, Uncle Matthew. I've done about all I can do here. You go back in. Sylvia - I like that Doctor Forrester. He's a good man. -Number three to. D.O....Number three to D.O. D.O. to number three..come in. -D.O. to number three..come in. We're getting this under control. Won't need any more help. Over. -We're getting this under control. Won't need any more help. Over. Okay. Send the tanker in, but you stand by until that thing cools off. Over. -Okay. Send the tanker in, but you stand by until that thing cools off. Over. I think somebody ought to check on it. Over. -I think somebody ought to check on it. Over. Well, there's some fellows fishing at Pine Summit might be interested. They probably saw it come down. I'll let 'em know...What's it look like? -Better'n a lion farm or a snake pit. We won't have to feed it! We sell the tamales, enchiladas - hot dogs! -Must be somebody in there. Who? Where d'you think they come from! -Who? Where d'you think they come from! How would I know...! -Maybe these are not men - not like us. Everything human don't have to look like you and me.... -What'll we say to 'em? Welcome to California! -They'll understand us, all right! Sure, sure! Everybody understands you wave the white flag, you wanna be friends. -I thought you'd killed Freddy off. We did. Bad mistake. The fans are clamoring for more. So, Evil never dies, right? Anyway, a while back we got a call from Wes. He's got this idea. And who better to resurrect Freddy than his creator? -We did. Bad mistake. The fans are clamoring for more. So, Evil never dies, right? Anyway, a while back we got a call from Wes. He's got this idea. And who better to resurrect Freddy than his creator? I thought he'd stopped doing horror. -I thought he'd stopped doing horror. Believe it or not, he told me I hadn't heard from him in ten years because he hasn't had any good nightmare. They're his inspiration. But now he's got a new script in the works. -Which means he's having nightmares again? He's very excited about it. -He's very excited about it. The nightmares. -The nightmares. He's excited about the script. You should be too. It stars you. -He's excited about the script. You should be too. It stars you. Can I read it? -Can I read it? He's not showing it until it's down. But it sounds hot, and we wanted to get all our stars lined up in case it is. You and Robert got great ratings today. Which is the first thing we needed to know. -He's not showing it until it's down. But it sounds hot, and we wanted to get all our stars lined up in case it is. You and Robert got great ratings today. Which is the first thing we needed to know. You mean that was a... -You mean that was a... Sort of a trial balloon. -I don't know, Bob. I'm flattered and all, but I've got a kid, now. So? -So? So I don't know about horror. -So I don't know about horror. Come on. Kids love horror. -Come on. Kids love horror. And I...I've got other things happening. -And I...I've got other things happening. I'm sure we can match any offer. -Sweetie, you've got lots of fans, we've done market studies. You rate right up there. We've already got Chase working on a prototype for the glove. What? -What? I know. We asked him to keep it kind of surprise until we talked. Look, how about we get in touch your agent. You still with Jerry? -I know. We asked him to keep it kind of surprise until we talked. Look, how about we get in touch your agent. You still with Jerry? Yes, but... -Yes, but... We'll work something out. I'm sure you'll be happy with it. -Bob, how long has Wes been working on this script? I don't know. A couple months. Why? -I don't know. A couple months. Why? And since you've been thinking of making it. Has anything funny happened? -And since you've been thinking of making it. Has anything funny happened? I don't follow. -I don't follow. Like weird calls, by any chance? -Might as well be, Dylan. State of the art animatronics enhanced with bio- organic grafting. Bull tendons, nerve bundles from a Doberman, even half the brain of a homicidal primate was... Chase... -Just an earthquake, Dylan. Every once in a while we get a few. No biggie, really. -One of mom's cups got broken. I'm sorry. At least we're in on piece. -Dylan, it's breakfast. Not arts and crafts What? You get any sleep last night? -You get any sleep last night? More or less. Dylan, time to get dressed. I'm late. -Anything other than the obvious bothering you? Five earthquakes in three weeks is enough. -Five earthquakes in three weeks is enough. Hasn't been another call, has there? -Maybe. Or maybe I shouldn't do this interview today. You've got to get back on the horse some time. Look, you've had a nutcase making harassing phone calls. I know how scary that feels. -You've got to get back on the horse some time. Look, you've had a nutcase making harassing phone calls. I know how scary that feels. No, you don't. -No, you don't. Okay, but it still doesn't mean it can't be over with. -What if it isn't over? Maybe you should tell me your dream. -It was nothing. We were both working on some movie, and a special effects thing went horribly wrong. Terry and Chuck were...hurt. You were almost... You were even cut. You probably were half awake and saw me get nicked by that picture glass. Dreams work like that. You want me not to go on this job? -You probably were half awake and saw me get nicked by that picture glass. Dreams work like that. You want me not to go on this job? Just be careful, okay? -Just be careful, okay? I should survive two days in Palmdale supplying soap bubbles for a detergent commercial, don't you think? -I should survive two days in Palmdale supplying soap bubbles for a detergent commercial, don't you think? Guess so. -Guess so. 48 hours. Back before you know it. -Heather? Chase. Hi... -What's up? Chase, you'd better come home. -Chase, you'd better come home. Heather, I'm stuck here. Neither Chuck or Terry came in today. I can't get away! -Heather, I'm stuck here. Neither Chuck or Terry came in today. I can't get away! Chase, it's Dylan! -He's had some sort of...episode. What? What kind of episode? -What? What kind of episode? He was just acting very strange. He thinks somebody's after him, Chase. It's scary, it scared me. He was acting like... -He was just acting very strange. He thinks somebody's after him, Chase. It's scary, it scared me. He was acting like... Like what? -Like what? Like Freddy. -Like Freddy. Heather, has there been another call? -Chase. Why didn't Chuck or Terry show up? Forget those two clowns, Heather. Answer me, did you get another call from that guy or not? -Yes. I'll be there in three hours. -I'll be there in three hours. Don't speed, Chase. It's not... -Any history of epilepsy in your family? No. -No. Diabetes? -Diabetes? No. -No. Was there any trigger event? A trauma, shock or... You haven't shown him any of the films you make, have you? The horror stuff? -Was there any trigger event? A trauma, shock or... You haven't shown him any of the films you make, have you? The horror stuff? No... -Does he have to stay here over night? Absolutely. -Like what? Sometimes what a child says or fantasizes will give a clue to what ails him. Did he say anything while he was still lucid? -Ms. Langenkamp. I'm afraid there are no evening visiting hours in Intensive Care. Is he all right? -Is he all right? Dylan? He's holding well. Earlier he had some problems, he's in an oxygen tent just now... -Dylan? He's holding well. Earlier he had some problems, he's in an oxygen tent just now... Oh my God... -If these had been a few inches nearer to the wrist... What did you say you cut yourself on? It was an earthquake and it was dark. I have no idea. -It was an earthquake and it was dark. I have no idea. These look quite fresh. -These look quite fresh. They are...it happened in tonight's quake. It happened just fifteen minutes ago. You must've felt it. -Doctor... Get her back! I've got to go in! Get me a full anesthetic, STAT! -Ms. Langenkamp. I suggest you go home and get some rest. Your son is fine. He's been taken downstairs for further testing. He was just here! -He was just here! He was here. You fell asleep. We took him. You looked so exhausted, frankly, we didn't wake you. Besides, the young woman, Julie, is with him. Believe me, everything is fine. -He was here. You fell asleep. We took him. You looked so exhausted, frankly, we didn't wake you. Besides, the young woman, Julie, is with him. Believe me, everything is fine. Everything is not fine! -DO you mind... Just a quick word, Ms. Langenkamp. For Dylan's sake. -I want my kid out of here now! Very well. As soon as we gather the appropriate papers... -Very well. As soon as we gather the appropriate papers... You don't understand. If Dylan falls asleep,then... -No way he's going anywhere. He's been well sedated. He doesn't have to be awake to be on his feet. -He doesn't have to be awake to be on his feet. What? -What? He sleepwalks, you idiot! He's fully capable of walking out of this hospital. Oh my God...He thinks I've gone home... -no. You have a fever, sweetie? -You going away? Just for a few hours. Julie'll be with you. -Someone's coming. What? -Dylan, I gotta go. Forgive me? Bye. -Rex saved me. Rex? Who's Rex? -"""...as soon as the sun was up the witch made Gretel fetch the wood and kindle a fire. 'We will bake cookies first,' she said. 'I have heated the oven and kneaded the dough. Crawl in and see if the fire is blazing high enough now.' And she pushed Gretel toward the oven. The witch meant to shut the door and bake her once she was inside."" Dylan, this is too violent. I don't know why you like these stupid old tales." Finish, please! -Finish, please! This is going to give you nightmares. -This is going to give you nightmares. I like this story. -Time for sleep. Say how they find their way back home. -Tomorrow night. No. Tonight. It's important! -"""Then their father covered them with kisses and they were safe.""" They were safe and could sleep. -Who? The mean old man with the claws. -Okay, sweetie, night, night, sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite. -He's on his way. He can follow the breadcrumbs, right? -He can follow the breadcrumbs, right? Right. -Mommy's fine, Dylan. Just had a bad dream. What're you doing out of bed? Rex woke me up. He was fighting. -Dylan, you go back to sleep now. Not sleepy. -I can't sleep there, Mommy. Please! You've got to sleep, Dylan, you... -In my bed. Your bed? -Your bed? Under my covers. Kids singing, and way down there, the man...the mean man... -And...what's the man doing? Trying to get up...trying to get into our world. -Do you have to die to see God? No, I don't think so. You just have to...pray, or reach... -Why does God let there be bad things? I honestly don't know. Try to sleep, baby. -I honestly don't know. Try to sleep, baby. Can you come with me in my dreams? -Home. Home, that's right. -You okay, champ? Can we go get Rex, now? The bad man's getting awful close. -Can we go get Rex, now? The bad man's getting awful close. I know he is, sweetie. We'll both go get Rex right now. -Tell you what. I'm gonna go get Rex for you right now. You know home isn't far from here, right? Right 'cross the freeway. -Right 'cross the freeway. That's right. So I won't be long. Meanwhile Julie's gonna be right here with you. -Hurry back, please. I'm sleepy. Promise. Cross my heart. But until Mommy gets back, Dylan, whatever you do, don't fall asleep. -You saw him, didn't you, Dylan!? Coming for you... -Dylan, where's the man? Here. -What...what is that? A story? -Yes. It's a story. A story for a movie. Read me some? -You okay? I'm fine. -I'm fine. Everything went great, I thought. We really got you, didn't we? -Everything went great, I thought. We really got you, didn't we? I don't know why you didn't tell me, that's all. -In what, a romantic comedy? Just because it's a love story doesn't mean it can't have a decapitation or two. -Heather? You doing okay? Holding my own. You know that guy who was calling me all the time? He's started again. He's been putting stuff in my mail. -Holding my own. You know that guy who was calling me all the time? He's started again. He's been putting stuff in my mail. Must've read about the funeral. Sick mother. That's the last thing you need right now, I'm sure. -Must've read about the funeral. Sick mother. That's the last thing you need right now, I'm sure. It's actually been giving me Freddy nightmares. -Darker. More...evil? Yeah...how'd you know? -Yeah...how'd you know? Call it a guess... -Anyway, what I was calling about was...have you seen any of the script, by any chance? Wes won't show it until it's finished. That's what he told me, at least. I asked him at the funeral. -Wes won't show it until it's finished. That's what he told me, at least. I asked him at the funeral. When do you think it'll be done? -When do you think it'll be done? The way he's writing is so weird, who knows? I asked him how far he'd gotten at the funeral, and what was it he said...? Oh yeah, as far as Dylan trying to reach God. Weird, huh, that he'd have your kid in it? -What...happened? Quake knocked you off your feet. You got bumped pretty good, actually. -I know what he's doing is bizarre, but most of the time he seems so normal, so well adjusted. I just can't believe it's him. I mean, and not something outside, influencing him. Or is that how denial works? When it is denial. I don't think that's the case here, but if you're really worried, have a doctor check him out. You'll see, everything's fine. -You're not crazy, by the way. Thinking I saw Freddy in the grave feels pretty crazy. And jumping in... -Thinking I saw Freddy in the grave feels pretty crazy. And jumping in... You didn't jump in. -You didn't jump in. That's my memory. And it seemed absolutely real. -That's my memory. And it seemed absolutely real. Seemed, not was. -Seemed, not was. It's in my family, you know. My grandmother died in an institution... -It's in my family, you know. My grandmother died in an institution... Really? Hell, if having a screwy family made you crazy, the world'd be one colossal nuthouse. -I've never mentioned it to him. Kids know when something's bugging a parent. You've got no idea who this is calling? -Freddy, for all I know. Steady... -A man, or a boy with a deep, y'know, Freddy voice. Six weeks of this, and you're surprised you've got Freddy in your dreams? Hell, Sonny Bono says after a while he was seeing his stalker everywhere. Even at Mass. -Six weeks of this, and you're surprised you've got Freddy in your dreams? Hell, Sonny Bono says after a while he was seeing his stalker everywhere. Even at Mass. Really? -Really? Absolutely. And how many times has Letterman called the cops thinking that woman was down in his kitchen again? It gets under your skin if you let it. -Absolutely. And how many times has Letterman called the cops thinking that woman was down in his kitchen again? It gets under your skin if you let it. You really think Dylan's okay? -John Saxon. Do you have any idea what time it is? John. It's Heather. I need help! -John. It's Heather. I need help! You got it. What's happening? -You got it. What's happening? Dylan's run away from the hospital. I don't know whether he's wandering around or heading for the house. But I think Freddy's after him. I know it sounds crazy! -Dylan's run away from the hospital. I don't know whether he's wandering around or heading for the house. But I think Freddy's after him. I know it sounds crazy! You're right. That sounds crazy! -You're right. That sounds crazy! John. Will you please just look for him around the hospital? I'm gonna go right to the house. Will you help me, John? Please! -Holy... Where's Dylan?! Have you seen him? -I know how Chase really died. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Fred Krueger did it. -Fred Krueger did it. Yeah, sure. -Heather Langenkamp? Yes? -Yes? Is Chase Porter your husband? -Is Chase Porter your husband? Yes. -Yes. I'm afraid there was an accident. It appears he fell asleep while driving, ma'am. -I want to see the body. No, you don't, ma'am, it's not necessary. -No, you don't, ma'am, it's not necessary. I want to see for myself. -Studio B. Hi. This is Heather Langenkamp. -Hi. This is Heather Langenkamp. The car's no there yet? -The car's no there yet? No. I...listen, I can't make it in today. -No. I...listen, I can't make it in today. You're kidding, right? -I'm sorry, I can't. Listen, dammit. -Listen, dammit. I just can't. -Yeah, Julie, I'm sorry. I just thought...there was an earthquake, I think. Little one, but... Big truck went right by before you opened the door. Life on the Fault Line. -Heather, what is it? Dunno. Just have this feeling today... -I'll call the cops for you. You've got the number on the fridge, right? Thanks. Just give them the time he called. They're keeping a list, supposedly. Sorry. My nerves are so raw these days. -Thanks. Just give them the time he called. They're keeping a list, supposedly. Sorry. My nerves are so raw these days. 'S okay. -No, Rex is not going to die. Julie, you know where the sewing stuff is, don't you? Sure. We'll do an operation, Doctor Dylan and Doctor Julie. We'll fix him good as new. -No, I don't think that at all. How is he? They wouldn't let me... -I can tell you what the nightmares are about. They're about this...entity. Whatever you want to call it. It's old, very old, and it's taken different forms in different times. The only thing that stays the same about it is what it lives for. What's that? -What's that? Killing innocence, one way or the other. -This is still a script we're talking about, right? I think of it as sort of a nightmare in progress. -Then, in this nightmare in progress, does this thing have any weaknesses? It can be captured, sometimes. -It can be captured, sometimes. Captured? How? -Captured? How? By storytellers, of all things. Every so often, they imagine a story good enough to catch its essence. Then it's held prisoner for a while. In the story. -Like the Genie in the bottle. Exactly. The problem comes when the story dies. It happens a lot of different ways, the story gets too familiar, or too watered down by people trying to make it easier to sell, or ti's labeled a threat to society and just plain banned. However it happens, when the story dies, the evil is set free. -You saying Freddy's this ancient thing? Current version. For ten years he's been imprisoned as Freddy by the story of Nightmare on Elm Street. But now that the films have stopped- The genie's out of the bottle, Heather, that's what the nightmares are about. That's what I'm writing. -If Freddy's loose, I mean, in your script, where's he going to go? Another age? Another form? That's not what the dreams say he's doing. -That's not what the dreams say he's doing. Then what is he doing? -Then what is he doing? Well, see, he's gotten used to being Freddy now. And kinda likes it here in our time and space, too. So...he's trying to cross over, from film into our reality. -Isn't there anyone that can stop him? Interestingly enough, in the dreams there is one person. A gatekeeper, so to speak. Someone Freddy's got to get by before he can enter our world. It's you, Heather. -Interestingly enough, in the dreams there is one person. A gatekeeper, so to speak. Someone Freddy's got to get by before he can enter our world. It's you, Heather. Me? Why me? -Me? Why me? Dramatically speaking it makes perfect sense. You played Nancy, after all, the first to humiliate and defeat him. -Dramatically speaking it makes perfect sense. You played Nancy, after all, the first to humiliate and defeat him. That was Nancy, not me! -That was Nancy, not me! But it was you that gave Nancy her strength. So to get out he has to come through you. And it's inevitable that he'll hit you at your most vulnerable points... -Dylan. And... Chase. My God, Wes, did you know? Heather, it's just a movie, a dream, really... -Heather, it's just a movie, a dream, really... You know damn well it's more than that now! How can we stop him? -The way to stop him is to make another movie. And I swear to you I'll stay at my computer and keep writing until I finish the script. But when that time comes... You're gonna have to make a choice. Choice? What kind of choice? -Choice? What kind of choice? Whether or not you're willing to play Nancy one last time. -I don't know if it has, really. With the exception of One and Three, I've pretty much kept out of it. I'm working in television now. The hours let me spend more time with my husband and little boy. Now that you have a child, is it possible you've decided horror is bad for children? -Now that you have a child, is it possible you've decided horror is bad for children? No, not really. I... -No, not really. I... Do you let your child watch your movies? -Do you let your child watch your movies? My child? No...but... -Of course he is. Freddy's dead and gone. And how about your co-star in NIGHTMARE I. Would you trust him alone with your child? -And how about your co-star in NIGHTMARE I. Would you trust him alone with your child? Robert? I... -Robert? I... Maybe we should ask him, hmmm? We've got a surprised, Heather. A great big surprise for you and our audience. -Yes? Heather, this is Sara Risher over at New Line. How are you? -Heather, this is Sara Risher over at New Line. How are you? Oh, hi. I'm fine, Sara. My God, a voice from the past! -Oh, hi. I'm fine, Sara. My God, a voice from the past! Really! Listen, Heather, I won't take but a minute of your time. It's just that we have something to propose to you, and wonder if you'd stop by the offices. Bob'd love to talk to you. -Really! Listen, Heather, I won't take but a minute of your time. It's just that we have something to propose to you, and wonder if you'd stop by the offices. Bob'd love to talk to you. Uh...sure...when? -Uh...sure...when? No time like the present. The car will bring you. -No time like the present. The car will bring you. Now? -Now? Just take a minute. You'll be glad you did, I bet. -Can I get you something to drink? Coffee'd be nice. -Coffee'd be nice. Sounds good. Kim, would you get Heather and me a coffee? How you like it, Hon? -Sounds good. Kim, would you get Heather and me a coffee? How you like it, Hon? Black's fine. -Black's fine. Me too. -Did we lose anybody? Not yet. -That low passed through last night. May be a little bumpy out there. It's time these boys saw some real blue water. -Looks like weather. Yep. -He would have loved this. Your father? -Your father? All his years at sea, he never stopped talking about these islands. -All his years at sea, he never stopped talking about these islands. You miss him. -I'd have liked to have said goodbye. He knows. -He knows. You sound so sure. -You sound so sure. I am about this. -What? He never would have believed a woman like you existed. -Do you remember the last time you and I danced under the stars? Guilty. -Guilty. On the deck of the Yankee, the night you asked me to marry you. We weren't much older than they are. -You may not like what you hear. I can take it. -I can take it. They've become what you wanted. They're a crew. That's why he came. -Why did we begin this? We were idealists. -We were idealists. Because we believed we could make an impact out here. Self reliance and community through the disciplines of sailing. -Because we believed we could make an impact out here. Self reliance and community through the disciplines of sailing. I haven't forgotten. -I haven't forgotten. Phil, he's not looking inside. He's just striking out at the world. -Phil, he's not looking inside. He's just striking out at the world. He has a lot of hurt inside him. -He has a lot of hurt inside him. Well, he better learn to own it. Actions have consequences. It's not what happens here Alice, it's what they take away with them. -What are they doing? Claiming their place in the world. -Oh I was walkin' down Lime street one day... Hey! Weigh! Blow the man down... -Hey! Weigh! Blow the man down... A pretty young maiden she happened my way... -A pretty young maiden she happened my way... Give me some time to blow the man down... -So to all you sailors who've fought wind and whale... Weight! Hey! Blow the man down... -Weight! Hey! Blow the man down... "She said ""None the better, you all go to hell...""" -"She said ""None the better, you all go to hell...""" Give me some time to Blow the man down! -Everyone aboard young Bill? Yes, Sir. -Yes, Sir. Good. Let's go sailing. -We'll bear off to port and run down wind. Mr. Lawford, stand by to ease the mainsheet. Rick, get on the jib sheet. George, John, Philip, Tim and Dick go aloft to unstop the forecourse. George will show you what to do. Tod, show your men the forward pinrail and stand ready on the buntlines and clewlines. Forecourse first... work upward. -Raise the inner jib! Raise the forestaysail! Watch the tell-tales Chuck. If we jibe now we'll have a lot of people in the water. -Why wasn't I made aware of this Bill? I didn't know sir. -I didn't know sir. It's your job to know. If something goes wrong up there, the other eighteen people aboard can't be wondering if he's gonna do his job or not. -Come in. Skipper, uh, the crew is pretty much doing group boot over the side. -Skipper, uh, the crew is pretty much doing group boot over the side. Well, that's all part of it. -Well, that's all part of it. We've got weather moving in from the west. -Everyone out of the rigging NOW! Everybody down! ON THE DOUBLE!! -Carry on. Yes sir. -Yes sir. North, north-east. And Dick, please make a note of our final position. -Why didn't you drop any sail? Skipper called us out of the rigging. -Skipper called us out of the rigging. But your instinct was to lose sail? -But your instinct was to lose sail? My instinct was to not get electrocuted. -My instinct was to not get electrocuted. How old are you, son? -How old are you, son? Fifteen. -Fifteen. Thank you. -Okay, here's the duty. Gieg, Weathers, Lapchick, Schucart: scrape and paint. Corry and Stricklin have the brass. Robinson, you're the Galley slave. March you're on chain gang with Barnes. Johnston, solo on bilge detail. Butler, what'd I ever do to you? -Butler, what'd I ever do to you? You came back, Tod. You came back. -It didn't go over 'til I turned her starboard! It was an act of God for Christ's sake. -There's still a way. What do you mean? -What do you mean? It's me, don't you see. Terry's right, I'm the escape hatch. I disobeyed order. -Make us proud. Yes sir. -Where's Mom? I couldn't bring her down here until I knew you were safe. -I thought we'd find a store, get you fixed up and then get you some lunch. That sound good? Yeah, sure. -Why don't you go and try some of that on? Okay. -Fine. All right. I'm gonna wander over and look at some shoes... -When we were growing up I always felt like you would take care of things, that everything would be okay. But you can't make this okay, can you? No, I can't. -Albatross? Yeah. -Yeah. Rick March. Who the hell are you? -Rick March. Who the hell are you? Gieg, Chuck. -Gieg, Chuck. Look, meet us out front when you're through. If they try to take anything away from you like Johnny Quest up there, just make a list and we'll have 'em send it down to the boat. -Look, meet us out front when you're through. If they try to take anything away from you like Johnny Quest up there, just make a list and we'll have 'em send it down to the boat. Whatever. -"What the ""Bowsprit Affair""?" Well, Romeo here was on harbor watch and managed to sweet talk one of the local girls to have a go in the bowsprit. -She isn't that old. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I mean she looks pretty damn good in her all-together for being thirty. -I walked in on my parents one time. It was only like eight o'clock and they were in bed and I thought that was kinda weird so I just walked in. That's what they get for not locking the door. -That's what they get for not locking the door. So I'm standing there and you could hear a pin drop. No breathing or snoring... Suddenly it hits me that somethin' was goin' on that just stopped, really fast, like people are holding their breath. -Yeah. My old man split along time ago. It doesn't mean anything. You just take care of number one that's all that matters. -Where you going? To take a piss. -Yeah, that's right. You wanna come in and shake it for me? If you're gonna cheat, you might as well copy off somebody who's gonna get the answer right. -If you're gonna cheat, you might as well copy off somebody who's gonna get the answer right. You've gotta be kidding. Get the fuck outta my way! -I cheated to get on the boat!!! All right?! What? -I doctored my grades so I'd make the cut. I'm a moron, okay? You satisfied?! You're not a moron. -You're not a moron. Wanna bet? Takes me half a day to get through one chapter of Lawford and I still don't have any idea what the hell he's talkin' about. You know why it takes me so long to write papers? because I can't spell. While everybody else is sleeping, I'm in the rack with a flashlight and a dictionary. -They were gonna put me into special- ed this year. I stole a copy of my transcript, changed all the grades. Shit, who am I kidding. I'll never pass the boards. Listen, you don't cheat, and we'll make sure you get the grades. We'll start a private study group. Nobody knows. You'll ace that test. -Bregitta. Do you believe it? Believe what? -Believe what? Her name. Bregitta. It's poetry. -You okay? Yeah. How'd you do. -Ninety-six. Congratulations. -Congratulations. What about you? -It's a ninety-one! It's an 'A'! I know. -I know. You know? Then why are you up here looking like you're about to jump overboard?! -You know? Then why are you up here looking like you're about to jump overboard?! I just can't believe it. -I just can't believe it. This is your moment, don't you see? The instant when you know that your life is never going to be the same again. When you stand up and are counted. -I couldn't have done it without you. Yes you could. You did. This is all you. Nobody else. -Feels different doesn't it? What? -What? That we're going back. I don't want it to end. I don't want to be what I was when I left. -That we're going back. I don't want it to end. I don't want to be what I was when I left. What was that? -What was that? Anonymous. -I've been getting ninety-sixes my whole life. It's what they expect. After all this, I still haven't figured it out. Figured what out? -Figured what out? Who I am, outside of this boat. What the hell I'm doing here. -Who I am, outside of this boat. What the hell I'm doing here. I'll tell you who you are. You're the glue. You're the thing that holds everybody around you together. You're strong, you listen and you see things in people the rest of us can't. It's a gift. -You know, I never had friends like this. Me either. -Me either. I feel like... we can do anything. -You gonna jump? Or are you just having a last look? I was just thinking that I never had a new pair of shoes till I was twelve. -I was just thinking that I never had a new pair of shoes till I was twelve. It's no my fault I was born first. Besides, nobody ever sent me on an eight month vacation, so ease up on the sad sack stuff. -It's no my fault I was born first. Besides, nobody ever sent me on an eight month vacation, so ease up on the sad sack stuff. It's not a vacation, it's private school. -It's not a vacation, it's private school. I thought this was your dream come true. -I thought this was your dream come true. That's not why he's sending me. -That's not why he's sending me. Why then. -Why then. Because it looks good. -"I'm just not like you. Ya know? I'm never going to go to Yale. I'm never going to be ""William""." Nobody says you have to be like me. -Nobody says you have to be like me. He does. -He does. You don't give him enough credit Chas. -Hey, shut up will ya? It was a bad dream... -God damn it man. I think he broke my nose! Shut up, Phil. -Yeah, but how are you supposed to make the first move? Like this! -Why'd you do it? What's the difference? -What's the difference? You only hurt yourself you know? -You only hurt yourself you know? Like you really care. Like any of you give a shit what happens to me. -Can we talk? I guess. -Everybody's saying this whole tribunal is happening because of your father. Because of you. Well that's just typical isn't it? -Well that's just typical isn't it? Is it true Phil? -Is it true Phil? I gotta go. -I gotta go. You weren't there, you don't know what happened. -You weren't there, you don't know what happened. I know enough. -Sorry to here it. Well, and it's pretty cool too, ya know? Bein' here together an all... -Listen man, I think I have a problem. We all have problems. -We all have problems. I'm pissin' fire man. -You taking the order wouldn't have changed anything. They don't know that. We were the only one's on deck. Look, there's nothing they can do to me right? I'm a kid. -They don't know that. We were the only one's on deck. Look, there's nothing they can do to me right? I'm a kid. But that's not the point... -But that's not the point... That is the point... And Skipper'll slip off the hook. -Honey, did you know that the Albatross was captured by the Germans during World War II? No, I didn't. -No, I didn't. It says she was originally Schooner rigged, but Captain Sheldrake turned her into a brigantine. I think square rigs look so much more romantic. -It says she was originally Schooner rigged, but Captain Sheldrake turned her into a brigantine. I think square rigs look so much more romantic. Me too. -Do you have your ticket? Yes. -Yes. Passport? -Passport? Look, I just better go. -Goodbye Mom. I'll be okay. I know you will. -What the hell is going on? Maybe it's an air raid. -Jesus. I can't watch this. -How ya doing? Fine. -Fine. Good. -Good. Look, I appreciate, you know, the concern and all, but like he said, I can take care of myself. -Look, I appreciate, you know, the concern and all, but like he said, I can take care of myself. I just brought you something to eat. -I feel like I got you into this. Forget it. -Forget it. I'm used to spending a lot of time alone. I guess that's what I thought it would be out here. But, it's not is it? -I'm used to spending a lot of time alone. I guess that's what I thought it would be out here. But, it's not is it? I'm sorry I left you hanging up there. -I'm sorry I left you hanging up there. It doesn't matter. Really. I'm just sorry you got chewed out. -You think Skipper and Alice do it? Do what? -Do what? "Ya know... ""It""." -"Ya know... ""It""." That's like wondering if your mom and dad do it. Who wants to know? -No way! Come on man, what'd they look like? -So... What happened? "My mother says in this really low, but very awake kind of voice ""What?""" -What'd you do? "I said ""Sorry, wrong room"" and walked away." -My parents don't do it anymore. How do you know? They might. -How do you know? They might. 'Cause they're getting a divorce. That's why they sent me here. My sister's at Tabor. They just wanted us out of the house so they could get down to business. -Where are you from any way? Depths of hell... Ohio. How 'bout you? -Depths of hell... Ohio. How 'bout you? Kennet Square, PA. 'Mushroom capital of the world'. -It was so real... Here's the thing; whenever you're having a nightmare, all you have to do is say 1-2-3 wake up! You'll be out of it. You'll wake up. -Who told you that? My dad. -My dad. It works? -It works? Swear to God. Only good advice he ever gave me. Now, go back to sleep. -That's how he died you know. Who? -Who? My brother. He fell out of the old beech tree. Broke his neck. I was on a camp out. They started going at it, throwin' things, a real knock down... They didn't find him 'till the next morning. They didn't even know why he was up there. -My brother. He fell out of the old beech tree. Broke his neck. I was on a camp out. They started going at it, throwin' things, a real knock down... They didn't find him 'till the next morning. They didn't even know why he was up there. Jesus, you never told them? -Jesus, you never told them? I couldn't. -What are they doing? I can't make it out? -I can't go in there. What are you talking about. -Hold her steady into the wind. Southwest by west. Yes sir. -Yes sir. Gentleman, when you hear an order, sing out. I want to know that you've heard and understand. Raise the mainsail. -Ah... Northeast... sir. Speak up boy! -Northeast sir! Unfurl the squares! -Yes, sir. All stop on the engine. -You all right? It was my fault. I slipped. -Remember something, sooner or later... we all have to face it. Face what? -Uh, huh. Would you, um, say it's a big storm? -Would you, um, say it's a big storm? Sometimes it gets exciting out here. -Shouldn't we turn away? You can't run from the wind son. You trim your sails, face the music and let the chips fall. Bill, let's close her up, dog, tight. -What's on your mind? I'm here on behalf of the crew, sir. -Well, spit it out. The fact is... We'd like you to give Phil another chance. -Can't do it. Sir...? -Sir...? Close the door. Sit down. -Why do you think I'm sending him home? He killed the dolphin. -The Dolphin was a symptom. Of what? -Of what? Of a fight he can't win out here. -Of a fight he can't win out here. It's his father sir. He's suffocating him. We've all seen it... -I mean he has all these expectations and he doesn't even know who his own kid is. What right did then have to show up here? They have every right Chuck. -They have every right Chuck. They send us because they want us to change, or grow up or something and then they try to keep us the same. -Does Phil know how you guys feel? I don't know. -I don't know. You should tell him. That's something he can take with him. -Chicken is a fool's game captain. So is violating international law. -So is violating international law. But you invited is aboard. -But you invited is aboard. Your cannons made a compelling argument. -Stow away? He left his passport in Curacao. It's being mailed to Panama. -He left his passport in Curacao. It's being mailed to Panama. That is unfortunate. We'll have to take him with us. -Why didn't you turn hard to port as the wind hit? I thought we'd have a better chance if I headed into the wind so we could spill air from our sails. -But the Captain ordered you hard to starboard. Twice. -Twice. Is that what you were trained to do? -Is that what you were trained to do? No. -No. Then what do you think he was trying to do. -Then what do you think he was trying to do. Let the blow drive the boat down wind. Neutralize our canvas. -So when the captain gave you an order contrary to your training, you thought he was making a mistake? No. -Albatross? Doesn't inspire a lot of confidence. Oh, on the contrary, the Albatross is considered a very good omen. It is said they embody the spirits of sailors passed on. It's very bad luck if you kill one. And dolphins too. -I'm Francis Boutillier. This is my son, Philip. I know. -Your cable said you wouldn't be putting out until mid-October. As you can see, there's a lot to do. -As you can see, there's a lot to do. Indentured servitude is not what my son had in mind. -Indentured servitude is not what my son had in mind. This is a working ship. Promptness is not a luxury, it's a necessity, as is the work to maintain her. Had we been ready, I can assure you we would have sailed. -And I would have expected compensation for my time and expense coming all the way down here. Happily, it all worked out... This time. Bill, take Philip below and help him find a bunk. -I'll be frank with you. This was his mother's idea. A romp through the Caribbean on a sailboat sounds more like a vacation than an education if you ask me. It will be more than that, I can promise you. -It will be more than that, I can promise you. Take good care of my son. -We'll do our best. You're welcome to say goodbye. He's a big boy. -Well, we thought we'd drop in and see if you were all still in one piece. And, of course, we are. -And, of course, we are. Well, you never can tell these days, can you? -What is it we can do for you today? Well, we've come to give our boy a little break from the monotony. -What's wrong, you don't like steak? I should be eating with the crew. -I should be eating with the crew. Humor me. Eat it anyway. -Humor me. Eat it anyway. Why are you here? -Spying?! I can take care of myself. -I can take care of myself. Oh, really? -Oh, really? Look, you put me on this boat in the first place. I didn't want to come but I did. Why do you have to embarrass me. Why can't you just leave me alone? -Listen to me, you thankless little prick. We're your parents, so don't you dare talk to me disrespectfully. What the hell is it, this captain? Because I'll see him in a rowboat... It has nothing to do with him. -It has nothing to do with him. Well, what does it have to do with? Us? -Well, what does it have to do with? Us? No. Look, it's me okay? Can't it just be about me? For once? -Who is it Philip? It's okay. I'll be in, in a minute. Look, what do you want? -I think you were too hard on Weathers. You do? -You do? Yes. I do. -I need to know what I'm working with; what their boundaries are. Their lives depend on it, and for that matter so does yours. We've got to bring them together. Make them a crew. We're as strong as our weakest link and I don't want to find that out the hard way. So, I will challenge them and they will come together. Yes sir. -Yes sir. You know the best thing about being a Skipper is the worst thing. It's all my responsibility. So I'll tell you what George, you stay off of my bridge, and I'll stay out of your galley. We'll get along that way. -What?! What's happening?!! You're officer of the watch, George. -You're officer of the watch, George. I'm sorry, Skip. It's this damned book. Lawford gave it to me. -Son-of-a-bitch. We're short one long boat too. Come on. -I guess we know what the next acquisition for the galley is going to be... What's that? -What's that? A padlock. -Immortality. Spirits have a way of bringing that out. -Spirits have a way of bringing that out. And being sixteen. -And being sixteen. They're in a hurry to grow up. They don't know about consequences or responsibility. That's being sixteen too. I promise you one thing... -They're in a hurry to grow up. They don't know about consequences or responsibility. That's being sixteen too. I promise you one thing... What's that? -What's that? They'll know about it in the morning. -Jesus. She's got guns. She's Cuban. -They think we're carrying Cuban refugees. Skipper, they mean to board us. Not a chance. Remind them that according to the Geneva Convention, firing on a civilian vessel on the high sea is an act of war. -Oh Jesus, oh Jesus. Man I knew we shouldn't have gone. I tried to tell you. I tried to tell you. You guys made me come! You made me come!! Will you shut up? You sound like my fucking sister. -Yeah, well you're really gonna have some bad dreams if we find out you didn't. That's enough. -That's enough. How the hell are we gonna get outta here? -How the hell are we gonna get outta here? We'll think of something. -We'll think of something. Oh, praise the lord. Relax everybody. Everything is under control. The jug head's going to think of something. -Hell, they even kicked me outa vo- tech 'cause I couldn't read a slide rule. I can show you how to use a slide rule. -Me, too. Why would you do that? -Jesus! What the hell happened to him. Lemme go! Lemme go!! -What's your problem? Why'd you jump? -Why'd you jump? Because I felt like it. What do you care? -Because I felt like it. What do you care? I couldn't do it. -I couldn't do it. Well, as soon as you grow some balls, let me know. -Don't ever call me stupid. Come on, he didn't mean anything. -I'll read it. I mean I don't mind. Shut up donut. -"If you've got ""a broad"" available I'll take her." Like you'd know what to do with one. -How would you know? Trust me donut. I know. -Trust me donut. I know. What? Come on... -What? Come on... On the dog watch, night after the storm, I look down into the skylight above Skipper's cabin and there she was, peelin' down. -Damn, Porkchop, you sound just like a guy who ain't never seen a pair. I've seen 'em. I've seen 'em. -They tell you that? I figured it out. -It matters to me. Okay donut. Whatever you say. -Why, man? I don't have to listen to this. -I don't. You will if you wanna eat. Right George? -That's not a satisfactory answer. Look, save it for somebody else will ya. This ancient shit doesn't have anything to do with me. -Much have I traveled in realms of gold/ And many goodly states and kingdoms seen/ Round many western islands have I been/ Which bards in fealty to Apollo hold/ Oft of one wide expanse had I been told/ That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne. You know what he is talking about here? -This isn't just a story!! It's history made allegory. It is a philosophical handbook for life! It holds the secret of this very voyage. What is it... the secret? -What? If it were only that simple, my young friend. Read on, gentlemen. Read on. -The rust won't wait for you to read Conrad, Goodall. Then he shouldn't have written such a long poem, Mr. Lawford. -Then he shouldn't have written such a long poem, Mr. Lawford. Read on, young John. Read on. College boards are coming. -Well, that was neighborly. He didn't get to be Under Secretary of the Air Force by being neighborly. -What's wrong Mr. Lawford. It seems we're short on singers. -Tie it off!! Outer. -What do you think? Barometer's dropping. The first blow'll come from the south. Might get interesting. -We've got a problem. What's that? -What's that? Terry left his passport in Curacao. We could hide him... -Terry left his passport in Curacao. We could hide him... No. Bring him on deck with the others. -If he's a Cuban, Castro wears a dress. Nobody aboard my ship is going anywhere. -You gotta be kidding? He's a human chum line! No self respecting shark is gonna take a bite out of you. -They're waving... handkerchiefs or something. What? -Fuck off man. It's just a fish. No, Phil. It's a mammal. -You're the one who doesn't care, Phil. It hurts too much to care. -It hurts too much to care. About yourself? -About yourself? About anything. -How long you been standing there? Long enough. -What are we supposed to talk about? You've gotta be kidding? -You've gotta be kidding? But, they don't speak English. -But, they don't speak English. There are some things that everybody does in the same language. -Phil. What are you doing? Fandango, Junior. I'm gonna do some limbo baby!! -Fandango, Junior. I'm gonna do some limbo baby!! No way Phil. Not like this. -No way Phil. Not like this. Roger Meris, steps up, it's a corker down the pipe... -It's outta here! Come on man. Let's just talk about it. -I don't know. We gotta get 'im outta here before Skipper sees him like this. Son of a bitch!! -You're a day late. We keep a schedule aboard ship. Lives depend on it. Hello, Philip. Sir. -Suicidal... The first thing is I don't like people talking when I'm talking so the two of you, shut up. -Do you have something to say? No. -No. Then keep your mouth shut. -No, sir. Excellent. Bill, find Mr. Weathers a position to suit his condition. -Do me a favor and tell Bill once she's dogged down I want everyone to break out their slickers and make sure their gear is stowed or we'll spend the next week sorting underwear. Lawford, Bill, Mike, John, and Phil will stand the watch. Everyone else hit the racks. I'm not staying out here. -I have arranged to host a good will cruise for the Dutch students of the local school there. Joy, rapture... -Joy, rapture... Each one of you will be responsible for one student. I'll expect you to be courteous. You represent this school and your country. We'll sail in the morning. -I'm not gonna kill it. You already have. Now go on. Do it. -Swing up, son. What? -What? Up you go. Right now. -What's it going to be? I'm sorry... -I'm sorry... Sorry won't cut it. -What are you blubbering about? I don't know... -Don't look down. Look in my eyes! Climb! We'll do it together. I can't. -I can't. You climb damn it, or so help me I'll haul you to the foretop by your diaper and leave you there! -You climb damn it, or so help me I'll haul you to the foretop by your diaper and leave you there! Aaauuuhhh!!! -Are you hating this?! Are you! I hate you, you son of a bitch!!! -I hate you, you son of a bitch!!! No. Hate the fear inside of you! Climb like a man mister! Hate it! Hate it away. Hate your way up one more rung!! Do it right now!! -Is it true that you forced Robin Weathers to climb the mast when it was clear that he was acrophobic. He climbed when he was ready. -He climbed when he was ready. Were you aware that his brother was killed in a fall. -Sir, were you aware at any time of the use of alcohol among the crew. Yes, I was. -No. What makes you so sure it was one? -What makes you so sure it was one? I can't be sure. -I can't be sure. You really felt that your crew were up for the conditions. -You really felt that your crew were up for the conditions. We'd come twelve thousand miles together, through every kind of seas imaginable... -We'd come twelve thousand miles together, through every kind of seas imaginable... "Except, a ""White Squall"". With all due respect Captain Sheldrake, they're only boys..." -"Except, a ""White Squall"". With all due respect Captain Sheldrake, they're only boys..." They are much more than that, sir. -They are much more than that, sir. Is it true that the reason you expelled Philip Boutillier... -Is it true that the reason you expelled Philip Boutillier... For killing a dolphin. -For killing a dolphin. ... and that you invited him to strike you? To fight it out on the deck of your ship?! -Yes, that's true. Do you think this is funny? Some kind of joke? You lost six people out there. -Do you think this is funny? Some kind of joke? You lost six people out there. I don't think one second of this is funny, sir. -Yes. Isn't also true that his vessel went down off of Nantucket? Lost everyone on board. In fair weather no less. -There are allegations questioning your competence with regard to the command of the Albatross. I have been instructed to convene a formal tribunal to determine whether or not negligence played a part in the sinking. I understand. -I understand. May I ask you something? -How'd you manage to piss off a guy as powerful as Francis Boutillier? It wasn't hard. -It wasn't hard. I used to helm a school ship. A long time ago. -I used to helm a school ship. A long time ago. The Coast Guard 'Eagle'. She never lost a race while you were Skipper. -The families... want your ticket. Turn it in, we forget the whole thing. Everybody goes home. ... Absolutely not. -... Absolutely not. The papers are going to eat you alive. Even if you beat it, you'll never get another commission. They want someone to be accountable. -The papers are going to eat you alive. Even if you beat it, you'll never get another commission. They want someone to be accountable. I am accountable. -And you didn't do anything about it? No. I didn't. -If this young man had responded instantly to your command, do you believe the ship might have been spared? I don't know that anything could have prevented what happened. -I don't know that anything could have prevented what happened. Then what are you trying to say then? -"Soon as we ship it'll be ""forgetta""." Don't mind him, Chucky. You're talking to a guy whose idea of big romance is a palm full of Vaseline. -Don't mind him, Chucky. You're talking to a guy whose idea of big romance is a palm full of Vaseline. Screw you, Valentino. I haven't seen you swapping spit with anybody. -Easy for you to say. What's that supposed to mean?! -What's that supposed to mean?! Everybody knows why she went over Tod. You jibed the boat. -Everybody knows why she went over Tod. You jibed the boat. I was trying to get her up wind! That's what you do when you're hit a-beam. Or maybe you're too stupid to know that! -I was trying to get her up wind! That's what you do when you're hit a-beam. Or maybe you're too stupid to know that! That's not what Skipper thought. He was trying to spill air from the main! -Come in, Montgomery, Alabama. Artie? That you, Artie? -Artie? That you, Artie? Yes, ma'am. What's on your almost- perfect mind this evening? -Yes, ma'am. What's on your almost- perfect mind this evening? How ya feelin', Artie? I heard you wasn't doin' too well recent. -How ya feelin', Artie? I heard you wasn't doin' too well recent. I'm fine, thank you. I had a cardiac infarction but I'm on a new diet and exercising regularly. I've never felt better. -I'm fine, thank you. I had a cardiac infarction but I'm on a new diet and exercising regularly. I've never felt better. Well, that's so good to hear, Artie. You know some of us depend on you down this way. You're so entertainin' and you get so many interestin' guests. -Well, that's so good to hear, Artie. You know some of us depend on you down this way. You're so entertainin' and you get so many interestin' guests. Thank you. It's listeners such as yourself who made me want to get up out of that hospital bed and back into the studio as fast as I could. -I can dig this music... But not that singer. Why? He's right in the groove. -Why? He's right in the groove. He's so ugly. Guys with beards and beer guts ain't quite my type. -He's so ugly. Guys with beards and beer guts ain't quite my type. Seein's how you're about as thick as a used string of unwaxed dental floss, don't know how you can criticize. -Seein's how you're about as thick as a used string of unwaxed dental floss, don't know how you can criticize. Yeah, well, if he says that all that flab turns into dick at midnight, he's a liar. -Meetin' him at the gate. That phone call this afternoon was the signal. My deranged mama's hid the keys to my car. But of course, I know exactly where they are. I didn't hate me so much, I'd feel better wishin' you luck. -I didn't hate me so much, I'd feel better wishin' you luck. Can't all husbands be perfect, and your Elmo prob'ly wouldn'ta ever got that second one pregnant, you hadn't kicked his ass out. -Can't all husbands be perfect, and your Elmo prob'ly wouldn'ta ever got that second one pregnant, you hadn't kicked his ass out. "So you're gonna be needin' the ""blue- bird"" pretty soon?" -"So you're gonna be needin' the ""blue- bird"" pretty soon?" Real soon... I'll be makin' the swap tomorrow, and thanks again, Beany. -Sorry, gentlemen. I'm 'most finished on my shoppin' here. This be it? -This be it? Y'all take American Express? -Y'all take American Express? Yessir. -Yessir. Then lemme throw in a couple more things. -I'd just soon have a paper bag rather than a plastic one, if it's same to you. We don't have no paper bags. -What's Cao Ben? How old are you? -How old are you? Twenty. -Hey, pretty woman... Sailor here? No, he's out changin' the oil in the car. -No, he's out changin' the oil in the car. Man, I gotta take a piss bad... Can I use your head there? -Man, I gotta take a piss bad... Can I use your head there? Well... Yeah - okay. -Well... Yeah - okay. I don't mean your head head - I'm not gonna piss on your head - your hair an' all... Just piss in the toilet. Y'all take a listen - here a deep sound comin' down from Bobby Peru. -Hey... You gotta smell in this room of puke... You been pukin' in here, little girl? Huh?... You sick?... Pregnant? You used the toilet, now you can go - what I do around here ain't any of your business, that's for sure. -You used the toilet, now you can go - what I do around here ain't any of your business, that's for sure. You know, I really do like a woman with tits like yours that talks tough and acts like she can fuck like a bunny... Can you fuck like that?... You like it like a bunny?... Huh?... Cause baby, I'll fuck you like a real good like a big ol' jack-rabbit bunny... Jump all around in that hole... Bobby Peru doesn't come up for air. -You know, I really do like a woman with tits like yours that talks tough and acts like she can fuck like a bunny... Can you fuck like that?... You like it like a bunny?... Huh?... Cause baby, I'll fuck you like a real good like a big ol' jack-rabbit bunny... Jump all around in that hole... Bobby Peru doesn't come up for air. Get out. -Get out. Am I scarin' ya?... Your pussy wet?... Come on... is it?... Hey, don't jump back so slow... I thought you was a bunny... Bunny jump fast - you jump back slow... Mean somethin', don't it?... Means somethin' to me... Means you want Bobby Peru... You want Bobby Peru to fuck you hard baby - open you up like a Christmas present. -"Bobby Peru grab you now... Hold you tight... Feel everythin' in you now... Stay quiet... Say ""fuck me"" and then I'll leave." No way... GET OUT!!! -No way... GET OUT!!! "Say it!... I'LL TEAR YOUR FUCKIN' HEART OUT, GIRL... Say ""fuck me"" soft - then I'll leave. Say ""fuck me""... Whisper it... Then I'll leave... Say it... Say it - Say it - Say it..." -"Whisper it... Whisper ""fuck me""... Whisper... Whisper... Whisper... Whisper..." Fuck me. -Fuck me. Someday honey, I will... But I have to be goin' now... Conta i no joras... -I'm from all over. You was in the Marines, huh? -Need a hand? Thanks, Bobby, 'bout done. -How 'bout a beer? That'd be fine, Bobby. -That'd be fine, Bobby. Let's go by Rosarita's. You been there yet? -Let's go by Rosarita's. You been there yet? No, haven't heard of it. -No, haven't heard of it. Thought maybe Sparky and Buddy'd taken ya. Come on, I'll drive. -This your car? Hell, no, belongs to my girl's sister. The sister's been over to New Orleans, lets us have it while she's gone. Where's that pretty little lady of yours today? -Hell, no, belongs to my girl's sister. The sister's been over to New Orleans, lets us have it while she's gone. Where's that pretty little lady of yours today? Restin' in our room. She ain't been feelin' well. -Restin' in our room. She ain't been feelin' well. Sorry to hear it. -Sorry to hear it. New Orleans, huh?... We was just there. -Thought you said this was a private club. How come I'm allowed in without bein' a member? You black? -You black? No. -No. You an indian? -You an indian? No. -No. Then you're a member... Three or four millionaires in here right now. -Then you're a member... Three or four millionaires in here right now. They look like a bunch of good ol' boys to me. I guess it's oil money, huh? -They look like a bunch of good ol' boys to me. I guess it's oil money, huh? Oil, gas, cattle, farmin'. Ain't nobody shows off around here. Iguana County's one of the richest in Texas. -Oil, gas, cattle, farmin'. Ain't nobody shows off around here. Iguana County's one of the richest in Texas. Wouldn'ta guessed it, that's sure. -Wouldn'ta guessed it, that's sure. Ready for another? -Ready for another? Why not? -I been studyin' a situation over in Lobo, take two men to handle it. What's that? -What's that? Feed store keeps up to five K in their safe. Need me a good boy for back-up. Even split. You interested? -No... I don't think so, man. Be easy, Sailor. There's two employees. I take one in the back to open the safe, you keep the other'n covered... You ain't plannin' on raisin' a fam'ly in Big Tuna, are ya? -Be easy, Sailor. There's two employees. I take one in the back to open the safe, you keep the other'n covered... You ain't plannin' on raisin' a fam'ly in Big Tuna, are ya? Whattaya mean family? -Whattaya mean family? Well... I mean like Lula bein' in a family way. -Well... I mean like Lula bein' in a family way. Lula tell you she's pregnant? -Couple grand or more'd give you two a leg up. Get you to the west coast, Mexico, most anyplace, with a few dollars in your jeans. I got it figured good, Sailor. When did you talk to Lula? -When did you talk to Lula? Talked to her this afternoon... While you was out. -Talked to her this afternoon... While you was out. She really say she was pregnant? -She really say she was pregnant? Just took a guess is all... You in or out on this deal? -Just took a guess is all... You in or out on this deal? I ain't fuckin' sure, Bobby. -I ain't fuckin' sure, Bobby. Don't think about it too long. You had enough? -Don't think about it too long. You had enough? Have now. -Have now. Come on outside, I got somethin' to show ya. -How much money you have between the two a'ya right now?... Forty bucks... -Forty bucks... This is easy money, pardner... No ones gonna get hurt in this thing... And I don't think you can afford not to take it... I'll be bringin' the Eldo 'round the front of the motel at ten tomorrow mornin'... If you ain't a pussy - you'll be there. -I don't particularly care for that kind of talk, Bobby. Hey... I never said you was a pussy... Always figured you had the big ol' round balls for this kind'a thing... Sure would set you and that pretty little girl up good. -Hey... I never said you was a pussy... Always figured you had the big ol' round balls for this kind'a thing... Sure would set you and that pretty little girl up good. Yeah... yeah... I guess so... That kind'a money'd get us a long way down that yellow brick road... -...But DAMN man... This better go smooth. Like takin' candy from a fuckin' baby... -What's she doin' here? She's my girl... She's drivin'... That bother you? -She's my girl... She's drivin'... That bother you? Why should it? -Why should it? That's right... Take one of these. -That's right... Take one of these. What is it? -What is it? Panty hose. Work better'n stockin's. Pull one of the legs down over your face and let the other leg trail behind your head. You get the pistol. Remember, soon as we get inside, you keep that bad boy up where those hicks can see it. Once they notice the Ithaca and the Smith, they'll know we ain't foolin' with 'em. -Nice of you to drop by. Told ya I would. You still riled? -Told ya I would. You still riled? You still screwing sixteen-year-olds in the ass? -Ain't never had no girl pull a blade on me. Wish I'd fuckin' cut you up good. -Wish I'd fuckin' cut you up good. You heard from Reggie? -You heard from Reggie? Juana called. They're stayin' another week. -The cobra's waitin' to strike, chica. That guy Sailor came around this afternoon... Asked me if there was a contract out on 'im. -That guy Sailor came around this afternoon... Asked me if there was a contract out on 'im. No shit?!?! You know him? -No shit?!?! You know him? Used to. -Used to. What'd you say? -What'd you say? No, of course. -That's right... Could have a bad accident, though... before... durin'... or after a hold-up... What's gonna happen when he sees me drivin' the car tomorrow? -What's gonna happen when he sees me drivin' the car tomorrow? Maybe he'll get a little nervous, but who gives a shit? -Gas? Got enough, thanks. We're lookin' for a place has some music, where we can maybe do some dancin' - get somethin' to eat, too. Anything like that around here? -Mostly black though in that boogie place. What's the name of it? -What's the name of it? Club Zanzibar. -Club Zanzibar. You say it's straight ahead a mile? -You say it's straight ahead a mile? About. Where Lafitte crosses over Galvez Highway. State Road 86. -About. Where Lafitte crosses over Galvez Highway. State Road 86. Thanks. -Hey!!!... Johnnie Farragut. How are you, my man. Real good, Chet... It's been awhile. -Real good, Chet... It's been awhile. Everythin's relative. Where's that Marietta Pace Fortune? You two didn't split up, I hope. -Everythin's relative. Where's that Marietta Pace Fortune? You two didn't split up, I hope. No... She's fine. Back home. -No... She's fine. Back home. What'll it be? The regular? Black Label? -What'll it be? The regular? Black Label? Set one up. -So who you out sleuthin' for now?... Can I help ya? Actually, I'm lookin' for Marietta's daughter, Lula. Her and 'er beau took off the other day. Marietta's real upset about it. -Actually, I'm lookin' for Marietta's daughter, Lula. Her and 'er beau took off the other day. Marietta's real upset about it. Hell, that rings a bell. Someone told me somebody lookin' like her was at the Nothin' Fancy yesterday. -Hell, that rings a bell. Someone told me somebody lookin' like her was at the Nothin' Fancy yesterday. Sounds right... I'll check it out. -Sounds right... I'll check it out. You hitched yet? -You hitched yet? No sir... -No sir... It's none of my business, but when are you and Marietta gonna tie the knot? I always wondered why you never did. -It's none of my business, but when are you and Marietta gonna tie the knot? I always wondered why you never did. Not for lack of love, I can tell ya that. -Not for lack of love, I can tell ya that. That's what I mean... Always looked like you was just knocked out in love... Was real nice to see. -That's what I mean... Always looked like you was just knocked out in love... Was real nice to see. I'll tell ya though, it's comin' up to the time when Marietta and me might just set up house together and settle down... I think that time's comin' up right soon. But like you said, everythin's relative. -Alright... By all means. Make yourselves at home. Muchas gracias. -No big buildings like in New Orleans. Whattaya do there? -I thought you two were in Austin, Texas. Or Takes-us, as they say in these parts. We were. Now Mr. San Pedro Sula and I are on our way back to Utila, in the morning. -So, it's back to the islands. Yes. Mr. San Pedro Sula spoke yesterday to his son, Archibald Leach San Pedro Sula, who is named after Cary Grant, and he told them there was a shooting. -But how are you finding New Orleans, Senor Farragut? Call me Johnnie... N.O. has always been a good town to sit around in. -Mr. San Pedro Sula is from Honduras. Do you know Honduras, Johnny? -Oh, many things... Mr. San Pedro Sula's got an appliance shop. -Mr. San Pedro Sula's got an appliance shop. But I am also with the government. -That is my permiso. Mr. San Pedro Sula's permit to kill. -Mr. San Pedro Sula's permit to kill. Only if necessary, of course, and only in my own country. -Mr. San Pedro Sula's authorized to carry a .45. United States Marine issue, before they made the unfortunate switch to the less dependable nine millimeters. I have it here, in my briefcase. -He wants to take Mr. San Pedro Sula and me bass fishing. We are in the same businesses and also we are fishermen. -My name's George Kovich. Bet you've heard of me. Don't know that I have... Should I know about you for anythin' in particular? -Don't know that I have... Should I know about you for anythin' in particular? Was in all the papers three years ago. I'm seventy-six, was only seventy- three then. Had a business in Buffalo, New York, called Rats With Wings. Killed pigeons for anyone who wanted 'em killed. -If your neighbors didn't mind, how'd you get put out of business? Woman drivin' down the street spotted me with on a roof with my rifle. She called the police and they came over and arrested me. Thought I was a sniper! Boys at the VFW loved that one. Cops didn't understand about the pigeons, the damage they do to personal property. I used to complain to the city but they never lifted a finger. I was gonna put out poison, but I was afraid somebody's cat would eat it. Hell, I had six cats myself. So I used the .22 because it didn't make much noise and the ammo was cheap. -Woman drivin' down the street spotted me with on a roof with my rifle. She called the police and they came over and arrested me. Thought I was a sniper! Boys at the VFW loved that one. Cops didn't understand about the pigeons, the damage they do to personal property. I used to complain to the city but they never lifted a finger. I was gonna put out poison, but I was afraid somebody's cat would eat it. Hell, I had six cats myself. So I used the .22 because it didn't make much noise and the ammo was cheap. What happened on the charges? -What happened on the charges? Guilty on a reduced charge. Hundred dollar fine and ordered to desist. Pigeons carry diseases and muss up the place. You seen it. Plain filth. -The Good Witch... Sailor... Lula loves you. -Sailor... Lula loves you. But I'm a robber and a manslaughterer and I haven't had any parental guidance. -But I'm a robber and a manslaughterer and I haven't had any parental guidance. She's forgiven you of all these things... You love her... Don't be afraid, Sailor. -She's forgiven you of all these things... You love her... Don't be afraid, Sailor. But I'm wild at heart. -But I'm wild at heart. If you are truly wild at heart, you'll fight for your dreams... Don't turn away from love, Sailor... Don't turn away from love... Don't turn away from love. -Are you going to provide me with an opportunity to prove my love to my girl? Or are you gonna save yourself some trouble and step up like a gentleman and apologize to her? Don't fuck with me, man. You look like a clown in that stupid jacket. -Don't fuck with me, man. You look like a clown in that stupid jacket. This is a snakeskin jacket, and for me it's a symbol of my individuality and my belief in personal freedom. -This is a snakeskin jacket, and for me it's a symbol of my individuality and my belief in personal freedom. ...Asshole. -...Asshole. Come here. -I'm sorry to do this to ya here in front of a crowd, but I want ya to stand up and make a nice apology to my girl. I'm sorry. -You are from New Orleans, Senor Farragut? Johnnie, please. Nope. Charlotte, North Carolina. Here on business. -Only that it's supposed to be a pretty poor sight since the hurricane came through last year. Yes, that's so. But there is not much to destroy. -In what capacity? In many capacities. -General Osvaldo Tamarindo y Ramirez. Telefono 666. He is my sponsor. The General is the head of the secret police of Honduras. -Why are you in New Orleans? If you don't mind my askin'. Certainly not. We are here only briefly, in fact, until this evening, when we fly to Austin, Texas to visit a friend of mine who is an agent for the CIA. -The same to you. If you are in Honduras, come to the Bay Islands and visit us. The Hondurans are great friends of the American people. But I have a joke for you before I go. If a liberal, a socialist, and a communist all jumped off the roof of the Empire State Building at the same time, which one of them would hit the ground first? I couldn't say, which one? -Would you like to enjoy a martini with us? Why not? How was the fishin'? -Why not? How was the fishin'? I think they are too serious, these American fishermen. In Honduras, we are not so concerned with the method. -Teddy Roosevelt, one of the local shrimp boat captains is in jail now. These people are friends of mine, so I must return and find out what happened. This island of yours sounds like a kind of unpredictable place. -This island of yours sounds like a kind of unpredictable place. It has its moments of uncertainty. -Hasta siempre. Hasta siempre. -Hasta siempre. Do you know how it came about that copper wire was invented in Scotland? -Do you know how it came about that copper wire was invented in Scotland? How's that? -Gotta admit, you guys are - two in four dozen. The real joke is we never went fishing, but we're still fishing. -I forgot to show you this. The gentlemen that gave this to me said you'd recognize it. Said he wanted it'd be 'bout the last thing you ever saw in this life. Oh God... OH GOD... Santos... Oh God Marietta... are you in on this?... OH GOD!!! -I knew this would happen. Soon as that piece of filth got out of Pee Dee, I knew there'd be trouble. He's just got some kind of influence over her I can't decipher. There's somethin' wild in Lula I don't know where it comes from. You gotta find 'em, Johnnie. He served his time for what he did. Another thing... If Lula went with him of her own volition - willingly, that is - there ain't much can be done about it. -He served his time for what he did. Another thing... If Lula went with him of her own volition - willingly, that is - there ain't much can be done about it. Don't talk down to me, Johnnie Farragut. I know what volition means, and that's why I want Sailor Ripley off the planet! He's pure slime and it's leakin' all over my baby. Maybe you could push him into makin' some kinda move and then kill him dead. You'd only be defendin' yourself, and with his record, nobody'd fuss. -I'll hire a hit man if you don't want to help me stop this thing. I'll call Marcello Santos. Now, Marietta, I am goin' to help you. And don't be gettin' carried away. You don't want to be bringin' Santos and his people into it. -Now, Marietta, I am goin' to help you. And don't be gettin' carried away. You don't want to be bringin' Santos and his people into it. You're just jealous of Santos cause he's sweet on me. -You're just jealous of Santos cause he's sweet on me. Darlin', you ain't seein' Santos again, are ya? -Darlin', you ain't seein' Santos again, are ya? Oh, Johnnie Farragut... Don't you trust your very own Marietta? -Oh, Johnnie Farragut... Don't you trust your very own Marietta? Sorry, sweetheart. Bein' in love with you like I am brings out that ugly jealous side. -Sorry, sweetheart. Bein' in love with you like I am brings out that ugly jealous side. Well stop worryin' about me and start worryin' about how you're gonna get that Lula back here and away from that murderer. -Well stop worryin' about me and start worryin' about how you're gonna get that Lula back here and away from that murderer. Sailor ain't a murderer. You got to get off that kick. And far's I can tell, Sailor was entire clean prior to that involvin' Lula. Even there he was protectin' her. You oughta be thankin' him for that. That Bob Ray Lemon they say was comin' after the both of 'em. Why am I tellin' you this, you was around that night. You ought to know just exactly what happened. Sailor just got a little too forceful is all... You remember that night... -Maybe I was there, but I didn't see anythin'. All I know's that trash killed a man with his bare hands. Hands which are now prob'ly all over my baby! Marietta, settle down now darlin'... I want what's best for her, too - like I said, I'll do what I can to bring her home. -No, Marietta, I haven't found 'em. This is the kinda mistake can take a Hindu's lifetime to unfix... You better get a move on, Johnnie, before that boy got her holdin' down a Memphis streetcorner and shootin' dope up her arms. -Really, Marietta, you got more scenarios swimmin' around in your brain than Carter got pills. Try to take it easy. Go over to Myrtle Beach for a few days. I'm stayin' right here by the phone until you find Lula, then I'm comin' to get her. You call soon's you got somethin', even if it's three in the a.m. -I'm stayin' right here by the phone until you find Lula, then I'm comin' to get her. You call soon's you got somethin', even if it's three in the a.m. I will, Marietta. Goodbye now. -I got some news, Marietta. Lula and Sailor been here. They checked out of the Hotel Brazil on Frechman Street yesterday. Listen, Johnnie, Lula just called me. She knew you were in N.O., so they left the city. -Listen, Johnnie, Lula just called me. She knew you were in N.O., so they left the city. Did she tell you where she was callin' from? -Did she tell you where she was callin' from? No, but my guess is they're headed west, so prob'ly Texas. Their money must be runnin' low. I don't think Sailor had much to begin with, if any, and Lula took the six hundred she had saved in the Cherokee Thrift. -No, but my guess is they're headed west, so prob'ly Texas. Their money must be runnin' low. I don't think Sailor had much to begin with, if any, and Lula took the six hundred she had saved in the Cherokee Thrift. How'd she sound? Was she doin' okay? -How'd she sound? Was she doin' okay? Could she be doin' okay, Johnnie? She's tryin' to prove somethin' to me, that's all. Lula ain't doin' no more'n showin' off, defyin' me... Johnnie, I've done somethin' bad... -Could she be doin' okay, Johnnie? She's tryin' to prove somethin' to me, that's all. Lula ain't doin' no more'n showin' off, defyin' me... Johnnie, I've done somethin' bad... What? -What? I won't tell you over the phone. I'm comin' to N.O. and I'll tell you then. -I won't tell you over the phone. I'm comin' to N.O. and I'll tell you then. Marietta, I was just gonna leave and see if I could pick up their trail. -Marietta, I was just gonna leave and see if I could pick up their trail. No, you wait right there for me... I'll be on the Piedmont flight tomorrow at seven. Meet me at the airport. -No, you wait right there for me... I'll be on the Piedmont flight tomorrow at seven. Meet me at the airport. I'll meet you, Marietta, if that's what you want, but I'm against it. -I'll meet you, Marietta, if that's what you want, but I'm against it. Seven tomorrow evenin'. We can eat at Galatoire's. Fix it. -Who was that?... Who know's your here? I'll be damned if that wasn't a wrong number? -What is it, Johnnie? Just some guys I met here... I keep seein' 'em... Now tell me... -Johnnie, I can't tell you, honey. Is there anyway we can get on the road tonight? We've got to find them kids. Somethin' was upsettin' you bad last night, and you wanted to tell me and I figured you wanted to tell me so's I could help... -Somethin' was upsettin' you bad last night, and you wanted to tell me and I figured you wanted to tell me so's I could help... I did, honey, but that was last night... Let's just find those two kids before it's too late. -I did, honey, but that was last night... Let's just find those two kids before it's too late. Honey, I have to ask you this... Is Santos involved in any of this? -Honey, I have to ask you this... Is Santos involved in any of this? Hell no, baby... I wouldn'ta done that without tellin' you. -Hell no, baby... I wouldn'ta done that without tellin' you. That bastard Pucinski... -That bastard Pucinski... Who?... Uncle Pooch?... -Who?... Uncle Pooch?... Yeah... The one that introduced Santos to you and Clyde. -Yeah... The one that introduced Santos to you and Clyde. Johnnie... That's the past... We gotta get on to our future, sugar! -Johnnie... That's the past... We gotta get on to our future, sugar! All I have to do is grab my suitcase, and I'm ready. You're lucky cause I happen to love night drivin'. -All I have to do is grab my suitcase, and I'm ready. You're lucky cause I happen to love night drivin'. Let's head for Texas and see if we can pick up the trail. -Let's head for Texas and see if we can pick up the trail. Did I tell ya it's great to see ya again? -Did I tell ya it's great to see ya again? This 'bout the fifth time? -I'll pack my things and meet you downstairs. And to think what coulda happened in that king-sized bed tonight... -And to think what coulda happened in that king-sized bed tonight... You won't of missed much. -You won't of missed much. See ya downstairs. -Don't give me no trouble now, Pace, please. This ain't the easiest day in a long time. And what do you mean how are we gonna know what your daddy looks like? You seen his photo. How'll he know what we look like? He seen our photo? -Damn it, child! Now look what you made me do. What I made you do, mama? -Nothin', honey. Mama's just actin' strange. You ain't actin', mama. -You ain't actin', mama. Why, Pace Roscoe Ripley, ain't you got one cute mouth tonight? -I still ain't sure what my daddy looks like. Like you, sweetheart. You and your daddy got the same mouth, eyes, ears, and nose. Only difference is your color hair is like mine. -Like you, sweetheart. You and your daddy got the same mouth, eyes, ears, and nose. Only difference is your color hair is like mine. My daddy ain't never killed nobody, has he, mama? -My daddy ain't never killed nobody, has he, mama? Course he ain't never killed nobody. Why'd you say that, Pace? -Course he ain't never killed nobody. Why'd you say that, Pace? Heard grandpa Santos and grandmama talkin'. -Heard grandpa Santos and grandmama talkin'. And? -And? Grandmama said how Sailor murdered a man. -Grandmama said how Sailor murdered a man. Wrong, baby. Your daddy never committed no murder. Musta been you didn't hear grandmama proper. He made some mistakes, is all. Your daddy ain't always been so lucky... We're almost at the depot, honey. Sit back a minute. -Why we sittin' here, mama? Thinkin' a second, baby. -I'm scared, mama. Why, honey? -Why, honey? Case daddy don't like me. What if he don't like that I don't got his color hair. -Case daddy don't like me. What if he don't like that I don't got his color hair. Pace, your daddy'd love you even if you didn't have no hair at all. -Hey baby... Peanut... -Hey, my snakeskin jacket... Thanks, baby... Did I ever tell you that this here jacket for me is a symbol of my individuality and my belief in personal freedom? "'Bout fifty thousand times. I got us a room at the Cape Fear, and guess what?... I hear Powermad's at ""The Hurricane.""" -"'Bout fifty thousand times. I got us a room at the Cape Fear, and guess what?... I hear Powermad's at ""The Hurricane.""" Stab it and steer. -Did you ever think somethin' like about the wicked witch of the east comin' flyin' in?... Did you ever think somethin' and then later think you've said it out loud to someone? I really did miss your mind while I was out at Pee Dee, honey. The rest of you, too, of course. But the way your head works is God's own private mystery. What was it you was thinkin'? -I really did miss your mind while I was out at Pee Dee, honey. The rest of you, too, of course. But the way your head works is God's own private mystery. What was it you was thinkin'? Well, I was thinkin' about smokin' actually... My mama smokes Marlboros now, used to be she smoked Kools? I stole 'em from her beginnin' in about sixth grade. When I got old enough to buy my own, I bought those. Now I've just about settled on Mores, as you probably noticed? They're longer. -Well, I was thinkin' about smokin' actually... My mama smokes Marlboros now, used to be she smoked Kools? I stole 'em from her beginnin' in about sixth grade. When I got old enough to buy my own, I bought those. Now I've just about settled on Mores, as you probably noticed? They're longer. I guess I started smokin' when I was about six... My mama was already dead from lung cancer... -I guess I started smokin' when I was about six... My mama was already dead from lung cancer... What brand'd she smoke? -What brand'd she smoke? Camels, same as me... Guess both my mama and my daddy died of smoke or alcohol related illness. -Camels, same as me... Guess both my mama and my daddy died of smoke or alcohol related illness. Gee, Sailor. I'm sorry, honey. I never would have guessed it. -Gee, Sailor. I'm sorry, honey. I never would have guessed it. It's okay. I hardly used to see them anyway. I didn't have much parental guiding. The public defender kept sayin' that at my parole hearin'. He was a good ol' boy, stood by me... Even brought me some cartons of cigarettes from time to time. -It's okay. I hardly used to see them anyway. I didn't have much parental guiding. The public defender kept sayin' that at my parole hearin'. He was a good ol' boy, stood by me... Even brought me some cartons of cigarettes from time to time. I'd stand by you, Sailor... through anything. -I'd stand by you, Sailor... through anything. Hell, peanut, you stuck with me after I planted Bob Ray Lemon. A man can't ask for more than that. -You're perfect for me, too. You remind me of my daddy, you know? Mama told me he liked skinny women whose breasts were just a bit too big for their bodies. He had a long nose, too, like theirs. Did I ever tell you how he died? -You remind me of my daddy, you know? Mama told me he liked skinny women whose breasts were just a bit too big for their bodies. He had a long nose, too, like theirs. Did I ever tell you how he died? In a fire, as I recall. -In a fire, as I recall. Started he couldn't remember things? Got real violent? Mama kept tellin' me it was on account of lead poisoning from cleanin' the old paint off our house without usin' a mask... But I don't know. Seems like his brain just fell apart in pieces. -You have such a pretty, long neck, like a swan. Grandmama Pace had a long, smooth white neck. It was like on a statue it was so white? -Sailor, you are somethin' else, honey... When I was fifteen, Mama told me that pretty soon I'd be startin' to think about sex, and I should talk to her before I did anything about it. But honey, I thought you told me your Uncle Pooch raped you when you was thirteen. -But honey, I thought you told me your Uncle Pooch raped you when you was thirteen. That's true. Uncle Pooch wasn't really an uncle. He was a business partner of my daddy's? And my mama never knew nothin' about me and him - that's for damn sure. His real name was somethin' kind of European, like Pucinski. But everyone just called him Pooch. He came around the house sometimes when Daddy was away. I always figured he was sweet on mama, so when he cornered me one afternoon, I was surprised more'n a little. -That's true. Uncle Pooch wasn't really an uncle. He was a business partner of my daddy's? And my mama never knew nothin' about me and him - that's for damn sure. His real name was somethin' kind of European, like Pucinski. But everyone just called him Pooch. He came around the house sometimes when Daddy was away. I always figured he was sweet on mama, so when he cornered me one afternoon, I was surprised more'n a little. How'd it happen, peanut? He just pull out the old toad and let it croak? -You're terrible crude sometimes, Sailor, you know? I can't hardly understand you when you talk with one of them Mores in your mouth. -I said you can be too crude sometimes? I don't think I care for it. Sorry, sugar. Go on and tell me how old Pooch done the deed. -Sorry, sugar. Go on and tell me how old Pooch done the deed. Well, mama was at the Busy Bee havin' her hair dyed? And I was alone in the house. -Uncle Pooch came in the side door through the porch, you know? Where I was makin' a jelly and banana sandwich? I remember I had my hair in curlers cause I was goin' that night with Vicki and Cherry Ann, the DeSoto sisters. Uncle Pooch must have known nobody but me was home, cause he came right in and put both his hands on my butt and sorta shoved me up against the counter. Didn't he say somethin'? -So how'd he finally nail you? Right there in the kitchen? No, he picked me up. -He was short but powerful. With hairy arms? Anyway, he carried me into the maid's dayroom which nobody used. We did it there on an old bed. 'We' did it? Whattaya mean? Didn't he force you? -'We' did it? Whattaya mean? Didn't he force you? Well, sure. But he was super-gentle, you know? I mean, he raped me and all, but I guess there's all different kinds of rapes. I didn't exactly want him to do it but I suppose once it started, it didn't seem all that terrible. It was over pretty quick, and after Uncle Pooch just stood there and pulled up his trousers and left me there. I stayed in bed till I heard him drive off. Then I just went back into the kitchen and finished makin' my sandwich. -Well, sure. But he was super-gentle, you know? I mean, he raped me and all, but I guess there's all different kinds of rapes. I didn't exactly want him to do it but I suppose once it started, it didn't seem all that terrible. It was over pretty quick, and after Uncle Pooch just stood there and pulled up his trousers and left me there. I stayed in bed till I heard him drive off. Then I just went back into the kitchen and finished makin' my sandwich. And you never told nobody about it? -And you never told nobody about it? Just you. Uncle Pooch never acted strange or different after. And he never did anything else to me. I always got a nice present from him at Christmas, like a coat or jewelry? -Just you. Uncle Pooch never acted strange or different after. And he never did anything else to me. I always got a nice present from him at Christmas, like a coat or jewelry? One hundred twenty decibels - head on collision of a '54 Ford Pick-Up and a '64 Chevy Station Wagon. No survivors. Balls of flame and grinding metal. -One hundred twenty decibels - head on collision of a '54 Ford Pick-Up and a '64 Chevy Station Wagon. No survivors. Balls of flame and grinding metal. Uncle Pooch died in a car crash three years later while he was holidayin' in Myrtle Beach. They still got way too much traffic there for my taste... And another thing, baby... That government of ours should be keepin' us separated from outer space... -Uncle Pooch died in a car crash three years later while he was holidayin' in Myrtle Beach. They still got way too much traffic there for my taste... And another thing, baby... That government of ours should be keepin' us separated from outer space... Here she goes again... -Here she goes again... Sailor, that ozone layer is disappearin'. Seems to me the government could do somethin' about it. One of these mornings the sun'll come up and burn a hole clean through the planet like an X-Ray. -You okay, honey? That woman's laugh creeps me out. I heard somethin' like that... somewhere before... Sound'd like the wicked witch... -That woman's laugh creeps me out. I heard somethin' like that... somewhere before... Sound'd like the wicked witch... Just sounded like an old gal havin' a good time to me... You ready to dance? -Just sounded like an old gal havin' a good time to me... You ready to dance? I'm always ready to dance. But I need me a kiss first, honey. Just one? -Hell, you just rubbed up against the wrong girl is all. That's good... Now go get yourself a beer. You fellas have alotta the same power Elvis had... Y'all know this one? -What you want to watch this trash for? Ain't one of those people have a real thought in their brain. That so? You want to tell me what, if any, real thoughts you had lately? -That so? You want to tell me what, if any, real thoughts you had lately? What you have to get personal about so quick? All I mean is you could possibly read a book. -What's that honey? We didn't have no TV up at Pee Dee, baby, you know? -I'm sorry, sweetie. I forget some moments where all you been the last two years. Twenty-three months, eighteen days is all. Don't need to make more'n it was. This couple's goin' on a date to Hawaii. The girl chose him over the other two guys. -Twenty-three months, eighteen days is all. Don't need to make more'n it was. This couple's goin' on a date to Hawaii. The girl chose him over the other two guys. Don't the reject guys get anythin'? -Don't the reject guys get anythin'? Gift certificates to Kentucky Fried Chicken. -Gift certificates to Kentucky Fried Chicken. That don't seem fair. -That don't seem fair. Hell, why should the Datin' Game be different from real life? At least them boys is gonna get somethin' to eat. -Sailor? Yeah? -Yeah? Wouldn't it be fabulous if we somehow stayed in love for the rest of our lives? -Wouldn't it be fabulous if we somehow stayed in love for the rest of our lives? You think of the weirdest damn things to say sometimes, peanut. Ain't we been doin' a pretty fair job this far? -You think of the weirdest damn things to say sometimes, peanut. Ain't we been doin' a pretty fair job this far? Oh, you know exactly what I mean, honey? It'd make the future so simple and nice. -Oh, you know exactly what I mean, honey? It'd make the future so simple and nice. At Pee Dee, all you think about is the future, you know? Gettin' out? And what you'll do and what you'll think about when you're on the outside again. -At Pee Dee, all you think about is the future, you know? Gettin' out? And what you'll do and what you'll think about when you're on the outside again. I just think about things as they come up. I never been much of a planner. -I just think about things as they come up. I never been much of a planner. It ain't altogether terrible just to let things go along sometimes. Lula, I done a few things in my life I ain't too proud of, but I'll tell ya from now on I ain't gonna do nothin' for no good reason. All I know for sure is there's more'n a few bad ideas runnin' around loose out there. -Musta been a lesson tellin' ya it was the wrong time... What did you do, your mama find out? She got me an abortion... -...I hope you appreciate my spendin' six hundred dollars, not countin' what it cost us to get here and back... This man's the best damn abortionist in the South. You tell the boy who knocked you up? -You tell the boy who knocked you up? It was my cousin, Dell, done it? His folks used to visit with us summers. -It was my cousin, Dell, done it? His folks used to visit with us summers. What happened to him? -What happened to him? Oh, nothin'. I never let on to mama about Dell bein' the one. I just flat refused to tell her who the daddy was? I didn't tell Dell, neither. He was back home in Chattanooga by then, anyhow, and I didn't see the point. Somethin' terrible happened to him, though. Six months ago. -Oh, nothin'. I never let on to mama about Dell bein' the one. I just flat refused to tell her who the daddy was? I didn't tell Dell, neither. He was back home in Chattanooga by then, anyhow, and I didn't see the point. Somethin' terrible happened to him, though. Six months ago. What's that, peanut? -What's that, peanut? Dell disappeared. Dell was learnin' a hard lesson. What I learned from observin' Dell is I think people who are frightened want to disappear. He'd startin' behavin' weird? Like comin' up to people every fifteen minutes and askin' how they were doin'? -Actin' funny how? Well, like mama told me, Aunt Rootie, Dell's mama? She found cockroaches in Dell's underwear. -One time, Aunt Rootie caught Dell puttin' one big cockroach on his anus? Hell, peanut... -Hell, peanut... One time - real late - like about two thirty a.m.? She found Dell up in the black of night all dressed and makin' sandwiches in the kitchen. -...are followin' him around. Prob'ly the rain boys from Outer Space. -Prob'ly the rain boys from Outer Space. It ain't so funny now, though. December before Christmas? Dell disappeared again and Aunt Rootie hired a private eye to find him. He was missin' for almost a month before he wandered back in the house on mornin' dressed in some filthy Santa Claus suit. -"The private eye cost Aunt Rootie over a thousand dollars? Then a little while later Dell ran off a third time to some place he said would ""give him peace of mind."" Nobody's seen him since." Sound like ol' Dell's more'n just a little confused, peanut... Too bad he couldn't visit that ol' Wizard of Oz and get some good advice. -Sound like ol' Dell's more'n just a little confused, peanut... Too bad he couldn't visit that ol' Wizard of Oz and get some good advice. Too bad we all can't, baby... One thing about Dell? -Too bad we all can't, baby... One thing about Dell? What's that? -What's that? When he was about seventeen, he startin' losin' his hair. -When he was about seventeen, he startin' losin' his hair. So? -So? He's twenty-four now? A year older than you? And must be 'bout bald. -He's twenty-four now? A year older than you? And must be 'bout bald. There's worse things that can happen to a man, honey. -There's worse things that can happen to a man, honey. Yeah, I suppose. But you know somethin' baby, hair does make a difference. -Let's go dancin', peanut. I'm ready. We gotta be careful, honey, my mama's gonna have Johnnie Farragut on us like a duck on a june bug, and he's one clever detective? You know how clever? He once told me that he could find an honest man in Washington. My toenails gotta dry first anyways, Sailor. -We gotta be careful, honey, my mama's gonna have Johnnie Farragut on us like a duck on a june bug, and he's one clever detective? You know how clever? He once told me that he could find an honest man in Washington. My toenails gotta dry first anyways, Sailor. One thing puzzles my mind, sugar... You're twenty years old - aren't you ever curious why your mama has this fixation on keepin' us apart? Puttin' a detective on us. I'll tell ya Lula... Well... It's more'n me killin' Bob Ray Lemon... -One thing puzzles my mind, sugar... You're twenty years old - aren't you ever curious why your mama has this fixation on keepin' us apart? Puttin' a detective on us. I'll tell ya Lula... Well... It's more'n me killin' Bob Ray Lemon... Maybe my mama cares for me just a little too much... -Maybe my mama cares for me just a little too much... Yeah, maybe... -Sailor! You up for that? -You up for that? I'd got to the far end of the world for you, baby... You know I would. -I'd got to the far end of the world for you, baby... You know I would. Those toenails dry yet? We got some dancin' to do. -...That's an awful long way to go, just to get some pussy. Yeah, I had my first taste on that trip to Juarez. At that age you still got a lot of energy. -Yeah, I had my first taste on that trip to Juarez. At that age you still got a lot of energy. You still got plenty energy for me, baby. -Sorry, baby... When's the first time you done it with a girl who wasn't hookin'? Maybe two, three months after Juarez. I was visitin' my cousin, Junior Train, in Savannah, and we were at some kid's house whose parents were out of town. A girl comes up to me that was real tall, taller than me. -She looked right at me and run her tongue over her lips and put her hand on my arm - told me her name was Irma. What'd you say to her? -What'd you say to her? Told her my name. Then she said somethin' like, 'It's so noisy down here. Why don't we go upstairs so we can hear ourselves?' She turned around and led the way. I knew I had an important lesson to learn that day. -When she got almost to the top step I stuck my hand between her legs from behind. Oh, baby. What a bad boy you are! -Oh, baby. What a bad boy you are! "That's just what she said. I had a boner with a capital ""O."" I went to kiss her but she broke off laughin' and ran down the hallway. I found her lyin' on a bed in a room filled with assault weapons and Penthouse magazines. She was a wild chick. She was wearin' bright orange pants with kind of Spanish lookin' lacy black stripes down the sides. You know, them kind that doesn't go all the way down your leg?" -"That's just what she said. I had a boner with a capital ""O."" I went to kiss her but she broke off laughin' and ran down the hallway. I found her lyin' on a bed in a room filled with assault weapons and Penthouse magazines. She was a wild chick. She was wearin' bright orange pants with kind of Spanish lookin' lacy black stripes down the sides. You know, them kind that doesn't go all the way down your leg?" You mean like pedal pushers? -You mean like pedal pushers? I guess. -She just rolled over onto her stomach and stuck her ass up in the air. I slid my hand between her legs and she closed her thighs on it. You're excitin' me, honey. What'd she do? -You're excitin' me, honey. What'd she do? Her face was half-pushed into the pillow, and she looked back over her shoulder at me and said, 'I won't suck you. Don't ask me to suck you.' -Her face was half-pushed into the pillow, and she looked back over her shoulder at me and said, 'I won't suck you. Don't ask me to suck you.' Poor baby. She don't know what she missed. What color hair she have? -Poor baby. She don't know what she missed. What color hair she have? Sorta brown, blonde, I guess. But dig this, sweetie. Then she turns over, peels off them orange pants, and spreads her legs real wide and says to me... -I'll drop mama a postcard from somewhere. I mean, I don't want her to worry no more'n necessary. What do you mean by necessary? She's prob'ly already called the cops, my parole officer, her p.i. boyfriend Johnnie Farragut. -What do you mean by necessary? She's prob'ly already called the cops, my parole officer, her p.i. boyfriend Johnnie Farragut. I suppose so. She knew I was bound to see you soon as you was sprung, but I don't figure she counted on us takin' off together like this... I guess this means you're breakin' parole, then? -I suppose so. She knew I was bound to see you soon as you was sprung, but I don't figure she counted on us takin' off together like this... I guess this means you're breakin' parole, then? You guess? My parole was broke two hundred miles back when we burnt Portagee County. -You guess? My parole was broke two hundred miles back when we burnt Portagee County. What'll it be like in California, Sailor, do you think? I hear it don't rain much there. -What'll it be like in California, Sailor, do you think? I hear it don't rain much there. You got about six more big states to go before we find out. -You got about six more big states to go before we find out. We got through two states already. -That don't smell like a More. It ain't. It's part of the lessons of life. I picked me up a pack of Vantages before we left the Cape? -It ain't. It's part of the lessons of life. I picked me up a pack of Vantages before we left the Cape? They sure do stink. -They sure do stink. Yeah, I guess, but - and here's the lesson part - they ain't supposed to be so bad for you. -Yeah, I guess, but - and here's the lesson part - they ain't supposed to be so bad for you. You ain't gonna begin worryin' about what's bad for you at this hour, are you, sugar? I mean, here you are crossin' state lines with a A-Number One certified murderer. -You ain't gonna begin worryin' about what's bad for you at this hour, are you, sugar? I mean, here you are crossin' state lines with a A-Number One certified murderer. Manslaughterer, honey, not murderer. Don't exaggerate. -Manslaughterer, honey, not murderer. Don't exaggerate. Okay, manslaughterer who's broke his parole and got in mind nothin' but immoral purposes far's you're concerned. -Okay, manslaughterer who's broke his parole and got in mind nothin' but immoral purposes far's you're concerned. Thank the Lord. Well, you ain't let me down yet, Sailor. That's more'n I can say for the rest of the world? -Life is a bitch and then you marry one. What kinda trash talk is that? -What kinda trash talk is that? What it says on the bumper sticker up front. On that pickup. -What it says on the bumper sticker up front. On that pickup. That's disgustin'. Those kinda sentiments shouldn't be allowed out in public. Is this Biloxi yet? -That's disgustin'. Those kinda sentiments shouldn't be allowed out in public. Is this Biloxi yet? Almost. I figure we should find us a place to stay and then go eat. -Almost. I figure we should find us a place to stay and then go eat. Got anyplace special in mind? -Got anyplace special in mind? We oughta stay somewhere outta the way. Not in no Holidays or Ramadas or Motel Six. If Johnnie Farragut's on our trail he'll check those first. -How about that one? The Host of the Old South Hotel. Looks more like the Ghost of the Old South, but we'll try her. -I H-A-T-E hotel bedspreads. They don't hardly never get washed, and I don't like the idea of lyin' on other people's dirt. Come look at this. -Come look at this. What's that, honey? -What's that, honey? There ain't no water in the swimmin' pool. Just a dead tree fell in, prob'ly from bein' struck by lightnin'. -There ain't no water in the swimmin' pool. Just a dead tree fell in, prob'ly from bein' struck by lightnin'. It's huge. This musta been a grand old place at one time. -It's huge. This musta been a grand old place at one time. Let's get fed, sweetheart. The light's fadin' fast. -M-i-ss-i-ss-i-pp-i... You can almost hear that jazz blowin' up from the big N.O. Lula... I learned somethin' interestin' today on a science show I heard on the radio... How leeches is comin' back into style. -Lula... I learned somethin' interestin' today on a science show I heard on the radio... How leeches is comin' back into style. Say what? Honestly, sugar, you can talk more shit sometimes? -Got you a pack of Mores again, huh? Yeah, it's a real problem for me, Sailor, you know? When I went in that drugstore by the restaurant in Biloxi? I saw 'em by the register and the girl throw 'em in. I'm not big on resistin'. So what about a leech? -Yeah, it's a real problem for me, Sailor, you know? When I went in that drugstore by the restaurant in Biloxi? I saw 'em by the register and the girl throw 'em in. I'm not big on resistin'. So what about a leech? Heard on the radio how doctors is usin' leeches again, just in old times. You know, when even barbers used 'em? -Heard on the radio how doctors is usin' leeches again, just in old times. You know, when even barbers used 'em? I got one on me at Lake Lanier. Lifeguard poured salt on it and it dropped off. Felt awful. He was a cute boy, though, so it was almost worth it. -Yeah, well listen to this... Radio said back in the 1920s a I-talian doctor figured out that if, say, a fella got his nose cut off or bit off in, say, a barfight or somethin', they'd sew one of his forearms to his nose for a few weeks... Then put leeches on it. Sailor? You expect me to believe a man'd be goin' around with a arm sewed to his nose? -Sailor? You expect me to believe a man'd be goin' around with a arm sewed to his nose? How they used to do it. Course they got more sophisticated ways now. Radio said the Chinese, I think it is, figured a better idea is by insertin' a balloon in the forehead and lettin' it hang down on the nose. -Sailor Ripley! You stop! You're makin' this shit up and I ain't gonna sit for it! Honest, Lula. I prob'ly ain't precisely got all the facts straight, but it's about what they said. -Honest, Lula. I prob'ly ain't precisely got all the facts straight, but it's about what they said. Honey, we're goin' to bed now and it's time to change the subject. -"We're about dry bones, sweetheart. We don't wanna have to push this ""bird"" into New Orleans." We sure don't, honey... Get me a Mounds? -I love it when your eyes get wild, honey. They light up all blue almost and little white parachutes pop out of 'em. Oh, Sailor you're so aware of what goes on with me? I mean, you pay attention. And I swear, you got the sweetest cock. Sometimes it's like it's talkin' to me when you're inside? Like it's got a voice all it's own. You get right on me. You really are dangerously cute, honey. I gotta admit it. -What lesson do get outta that story, Lula? It's just another case, Sailor. -It's just another case, Sailor. What's that, peanut? -What's that, peanut? One person thinks he's doin' somethin' good and ever'body else gets upset about it. -Huh? Ever imagine what it'd be like to get eaten alive by a wild beast? Sometimes I think it would be the biggest thrill? -Ever imagine what it'd be like to get eaten alive by a wild beast? Sometimes I think it would be the biggest thrill? My God, it better be, darlin', cause it'd be the last... What time is it? -My God, it better be, darlin', cause it'd be the last... What time is it? Shhhhh... It's four o'clock... That woman's laugh the other day had somethin' to do with this feelin'?... Like bein' ripped apart by a gorilla, maybe... Grabbed sudden and pulled apart real quick by a real powerful one. -Lula, sometimes I gotta admit, you come up with some weird thoughts... Anythin' interestin' in the world come out of somebody's weird thoughts, Sailor. You tell me Sailor, who could come up with shit like we're seein' these days? -Anythin' interestin' in the world come out of somebody's weird thoughts, Sailor. You tell me Sailor, who could come up with shit like we're seein' these days? You got me, peanut. -You got me, peanut. You certain? -You certain? I ain't never met anyone come close to you, sugar. -I ain't never met anyone come close to you, sugar. Recall the time we was sittin' one night behind the Confederate soldier? Leanin' against it. And you took your hand and put it on your heart and you said, 'You feel it beatin' in there, Lula?... Get used to it, 'cause it belongs to you now.' D'you recall that? -Recall the time we was sittin' one night behind the Confederate soldier? Leanin' against it. And you took your hand and put it on your heart and you said, 'You feel it beatin' in there, Lula?... Get used to it, 'cause it belongs to you now.' D'you recall that? I do. -I do. I was hopin' you would. I know that night by heart. Sometimes, honey? I think it's the best night of my life. -I really do think it's the best night of my life. We didn't do nothin' special I can remember. Just talked, is all. -We didn't do nothin' special I can remember. Just talked, is all. Talkin's good. Long as you got the other? I'm a big believer in talkin', case you ain't noticed. -Talkin's good. Long as you got the other? I'm a big believer in talkin', case you ain't noticed. Too bad they don't give an award for talkin'... You'd win first prize. Especially with those tits. -Too bad they don't give an award for talkin'... You'd win first prize. Especially with those tits. You think so, baby? Does my talkin' bother you, honey? -You think so, baby? Does my talkin' bother you, honey? No, I like gettin' up around four a.m. and talkin' bout wild animals... Though you woke me up this time in the middle of a dream. I kinda wish I didn't remember it. Up at Pee Dee, I couldn't remember any of my dreams. -No, I like gettin' up around four a.m. and talkin' bout wild animals... Though you woke me up this time in the middle of a dream. I kinda wish I didn't remember it. Up at Pee Dee, I couldn't remember any of my dreams. What was this one? -What was this one? It wasn't no fun, Lula. The wind was blowin' super-hard and I wasn't dressed warm. Only instead of freezin', I was sweatin' strong. -The water was rollin' off me. And I was dirty, too, like I hadn't had no bath in a long time, so the sweat was black almost. Boy, sweetie, this is weird, okay. -Boy, sweetie, this is weird, okay. I know. I kept walkin', I headed for your house, only it wasn't your house, really. You let me in only you weren't real pleased to see me. You kept askin', 'Why'd you come to see me now? Why now?' Like it'd been a long time since we'd seen each other. -I know. I kept walkin', I headed for your house, only it wasn't your house, really. You let me in only you weren't real pleased to see me. You kept askin', 'Why'd you come to see me now? Why now?' Like it'd been a long time since we'd seen each other. Oh, baby, what an idea. I'd always be happy to see you, no matter what. -Oh, baby, what an idea. I'd always be happy to see you, no matter what. I know, peanut. But it wasn't all like you were so unhappy I was there, just you were upset. My bein' there was upsettin' to you. You had some kids there, little kids, and I guess you'd got married and your husband was comin' home any minute. -Sometimes dreams just don't mean nothin'... Stuff comes into your mind and you don't have no control over, you know? Anyways, dreams ain't no odder than real life. Sometimes not by half. Well, I ain't upset about it, darlin'. Just give me an odd feelin' there a minute, is all. -Let's get outta here... I suddenly got a funny feelin' about this place. Feelin' all that voodoo... Gotta hex from a voodoo? -Gotta hex from a voodoo? Who do? -Who do? You do. -Oh my God... It's Johnnie... Duck down!... Get goin'! Where? -Where? Never mind where... Get outta here... I mean it, Sailor. -Never mind where... Get outta here... I mean it, Sailor. I'm goin'. -You think he saw us? Who knows, baby? -Who knows, baby? He was sittin' there havin' a beignet at the Cafe Du Monde. Do you think he saw us? -He was sittin' there havin' a beignet at the Cafe Du Monde. Do you think he saw us? Lula, darlin'... Makes no difference anyway... We're outta here. -Sure you wanna do this? Might be a way they could track us. He's just a regular guy't needs help, honey. Look at him. -You don't feel you was a little hard on the guy, honey? I know you're thinkin' that I got more'n some of my mama in me? Well, I couldn't help it. Sailor, I really couldn't. I'm sorry for that guy, but when he pulled that drippin' hunk of awful-smellin' meat out of his pocket? I near barfed. And them poor diseased puppies! -I know you're thinkin' that I got more'n some of my mama in me? Well, I couldn't help it. Sailor, I really couldn't. I'm sorry for that guy, but when he pulled that drippin' hunk of awful-smellin' meat out of his pocket? I near barfed. And them poor diseased puppies! Just part of life on the road, peanut. -Just part of life on the road, peanut. Do me a favor, Sailor? Don't pick up no more hitchers, okay? -I wouldn't mind a little night life. How about you? Hard to tell what's shakin' in a place like this, honey. You don't want to be walkin' in the wrong door. -Hard to tell what's shakin' in a place like this, honey. You don't want to be walkin' in the wrong door. Maybe there's a place we could hear some music. I feel like dancin'. We could ask someone. -You ready for this? We'll find out in a hurry. -I'll be damned if I'm leavin'. That band is too good? Uh huh. -Uh huh. You notice that woman when we come in? The white woman sittin' by herself? -You notice that woman when we come in? The white woman sittin' by herself? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, she ain't talked to nobody and ain't nobody spoke to her that I could tell. What you make of that? -Well, she ain't talked to nobody and ain't nobody spoke to her that I could tell. What you make of that? Honey, we bein' strangers here and all, this is the kinda place we don't want to make nothin' of nothin'. -Honey, we bein' strangers here and all, this is the kinda place we don't want to make nothin' of nothin'. You think she's pretty? -What's wrong, sweetheart? Somethin' botherin' you? Mama. I been thinkin' about her. She's prob'ly worried to death by now. -Mama. I been thinkin' about her. She's prob'ly worried to death by now. More'n likely. -More'n likely. I want to call her and tell her I'm okay. That we're okay. -I want to call her and tell her I'm okay. That we're okay. I ain't so sure it's a great idea, but that's up to you. Just don't tell her where we are. -I ain't so sure it's a great idea, but that's up to you. Just don't tell her where we are. Pardon me? Y'all got a phone here I can use? -I was just wastin' time, peanut, till you come back. It's me who's wastin' time, Sailor, bein' with you. -It's me who's wastin' time, Sailor, bein' with you. Honey, I'm sorry. It wasn't nothin'. Come on and get up and we'll take off. -Honey, I'm sorry. It wasn't nothin'. Come on and get up and we'll take off. Leave me be for a minute? Mama gets all insane and then I see you practicin' your individuality and personal freedom with some oil-town tramp. How you figure I'm gonna feel? -Leave me be for a minute? Mama gets all insane and then I see you practicin' your individuality and personal freedom with some oil-town tramp. How you figure I'm gonna feel? Told you not to call your mama. -How much we got left, honey? Under a hundred. -Under a hundred. You want to stick around here, Sailor? See if we can get some work? -You want to stick around here, Sailor? See if we can get some work? Not in Houston. We'd be better off in some place more out of the way. -Not in Houston. We'd be better off in some place more out of the way. You want me to drive for a stretch? Give you a chance to rest. -You want me to drive for a stretch? Give you a chance to rest. That'd be good, Lula. -What's that, peanut? I can't take no more of this radio... I ain't never heard so much concentrated weirdness in my life, Sailor Ripley, you find me some dancin' music right this minute... I MEAN IT!! -The world's gettin' worse, I think, Sailor. And it don't sound like there's much we can do about it, neither. This ain't news, sweetheart. I hate to tell ya. -Sure is a big deal round here... Alamo Road, Alamo Street, Alamo Square, Alamo Buildin', Alamo Alamo. They ain't forgettin' about it in a hurry. That's the thing 'bout memory? Some things you wish you could forget... What's troublin' you, sugar? You know, Lula, I never told you what all I was doin' before I met you. -You know, Lula, I never told you what all I was doin' before I met you. I just figured you was out bein' Mr. Cool... -I just figured you was out bein' Mr. Cool... Not exactly, sugar... One reason we're in all the trouble we're in right now is cause of what I was doin'... I tried to tell you this before... -Not exactly, sugar... One reason we're in all the trouble we're in right now is cause of what I was doin'... I tried to tell you this before... You're scarin' me, baby. -You're scarin' me, baby. Well, there's a good side as well as a bad side to it... The good side is I knew your daddy, and I thought Clyde was a good ol' guy... -Well, there's a good side as well as a bad side to it... The good side is I knew your daddy, and I thought Clyde was a good ol' guy... You knew my daddy? -You knew my daddy? Yes I did... I sure did... The bad side of it is I did some drivin' for a man named Marcello Santos... -Yes I did... I sure did... The bad side of it is I did some drivin' for a man named Marcello Santos... Oh shit... -Oh shit... I quit workin' for 'im, but just before I did, I ended up one night at a house... I don't know what it is they all think I saw that night, but I was just sittin' out in the car till the whole place went up in flames. -I quit workin' for 'im, but just before I did, I ended up one night at a house... I don't know what it is they all think I saw that night, but I was just sittin' out in the car till the whole place went up in flames. God, Sailor... That's the night my daddy died. -God, Sailor... That's the night my daddy died. I know, sugar... But while the place was burnin'... Before Santos came out - I pitched some rocks at the second floor windows case anyone was upstairs sleepin'... Afterwards... When I met you, I always liked to think I mighta saved your life. -I know, sugar... But while the place was burnin'... Before Santos came out - I pitched some rocks at the second floor windows case anyone was upstairs sleepin'... Afterwards... When I met you, I always liked to think I mighta saved your life. That's some big secret you been carryin', Sailor. -That's some big secret you been carryin', Sailor. We all got a secret side, baby. Hope you don't think I been lyin' to you 'bout other things, sugar. -We all got a secret side, baby. Hope you don't think I been lyin' to you 'bout other things, sugar. How'd you know my daddy? -How'd you know my daddy? Met him through Santos... Clyde - your daddy - had some sorta business deal with Santos. -Lula, you there? Yeah, I'm here. -Yeah, I'm here. You upset with me? -You upset with me? No, Sailor darlin'. Just shockin' sometimes when things aren't the way you thought they were... I been carryin' a secret too... -That night in the fire while my daddy was dyin'... I saw mama up in her room with Santos... ...They was laughin' arm in arm like animals. -...They was laughin' arm in arm like animals. I didn't want to say it... but I had a feelin' Santos was up to somethin' with your mama... -I didn't want to say it... but I had a feelin' Santos was up to somethin' with your mama... My mama... So Sailor, our histories have been somewhat intertwined. -My mama... So Sailor, our histories have been somewhat intertwined. They have, sugar. -They have, sugar. I take that as a sign that we were destined by fate to be together. -I take that as a sign that we were destined by fate to be together. It's a comfortin' idea. -It's a comfortin' idea. Well, we're really out in the middle of it now, ain't we? -Well, we're really out in the middle of it now, ain't we? There's worse places, honey. -There's worse places, honey. If you say so. -If you say so. Trust me on it. -Trust me on it. I do trust you, Sailor. Like I ain't never trusted nobody before. -I do trust you, Sailor. Like I ain't never trusted nobody before. We'll be alright, peanut, long as we've got room to move. -We'll be alright, peanut, long as we've got room to move. What's that? -What's that? I don't know... Looks like clothes. -Oh God, Sailor. One bad car accident... -One bad car accident... SAILOR!!! -Sailor, what are we gonna do? I don't know, honey, but we gotta help that girl - get her to a town and hope no one catches on I broke parole. -Let's get ahold a' her quick. You think she's gonna make it? -You think she's gonna make it? Don't know, but she's gonna bleed all over our car, I'll tell ya that... Hey... Hello... Girl... You gotta come with us, honey. -I can't take this, Sailor. She's dyin' right in front of our eyes... I'm afraid she is, baby. -She died right in front of me. Why'd she have to go and do that, Sailor? Let's get outta here, honey. -Well, it ain't exactly Emerald City... Not quite as bad as the weather though... It must be a hundred and ten and it ain't even noon yet. -Not bad for eleven dollars a day. No radio or TV... -And no AC. Fan works. -Fan works. Now what? -Now what? Let's get a sandwich and find out about some work. -Let's get a sandwich and find out about some work. Sailor? -Sailor? Yeah? -Yeah? This ain't exactly my most thrillin' notion of startin' a new life. -I'm gonna stay here in this room, Sailor. I don't feel so good? This heat makes me tired. Okay, honey, I'll see you later. -That you, Sail, honey? The only one. -You find any work? Maybe. Met a guy named Red, owns a garage, could have some work in about a week. Met a few hard luck boys who's stayin' here. What's that smell? -Maybe. Met a guy named Red, owns a garage, could have some work in about a week. Met a few hard luck boys who's stayin' here. What's that smell? I barfed. Tried to make it to the bathroom... Turned out it was the wrong door anyways... I sorta got it cleaned up. -I barfed. Tried to make it to the bathroom... Turned out it was the wrong door anyways... I sorta got it cleaned up. You sick? -You sick? A little, I think... Darlin'? -A little, I think... Darlin'? Yeah? -Yeah? Come sit by me. -Darlin', I still ain't feelin' so well. I'm goin' to bed. I'll come along. -Anything I can do for you? No, I don't think so, Sail. I just need to lie down. -Sailor? You know what? I know you ain't particularly pleased bein' here. -I know you ain't particularly pleased bein' here. Not that. Look at what I wrote down cause I can't say it. -It's okay by me, peanut. Well, nothin' personal, but I ain't sure it's okay by me. -Really, Sailor, it ain't nothin' against you. I love you. Love you, too. -Love you, too. I know. Just I'm sorta uncomfortable about the way some things is goin', and this don't help soothe me. -I know. Just I'm sorta uncomfortable about the way some things is goin', and this don't help soothe me. I know this ain't easy, Lula, but I ain't gonna let things get no worse, I promise. -You been drinkin', huh? Few beers is all. Feelin' any better? -Can't tell yet. Where'd you go? That smell's still fillin' this room good. -That smell's still fillin' this room good. Buddy and Sparky come by earlier. -Buddy and Sparky come by earlier. And Bobby too, I hear... -And Bobby too, I hear... Yeah... He was lookin' for you. -Yeah... He was lookin' for you. You talk to 'im some?... -You talk to 'im some?... Some... Sparky said Red's promised to have him and Buddy out of here by the weekend. -Some... Sparky said Red's promised to have him and Buddy out of here by the weekend. Oughta make 'em happy. -Oughta make 'em happy. So where'd you say you was? -So where'd you say you was? Went with Bobby. -Sail? Uh-huh? -Uh-huh? Let's leave here. -Let's leave here. We're goin' to, Lula, real soon. -We're goin' to, Lula, real soon. I mean tomorrow. -I mean tomorrow. We got about forty bucks, sweetheart. That'd get us to El Paso. -We got about forty bucks, sweetheart. That'd get us to El Paso. Rather be in El Paso than Big Tuna. -Who says I'm smart? You up to somethin' with Bobby Peru, Sailor? What could I be up to, Lula? -What could I be up to, Lula? He's a stone fuckin' criminal, honey, and you ain't. -He's a stone fuckin' criminal, honey, and you ain't. I killed Bob Ray Lemon, didn't I? -I killed Bob Ray Lemon, didn't I? That was a accident. I bet both our asses Bobby Peru done murdered all kinds of people, and meant it, too. -That was a accident. I bet both our asses Bobby Peru done murdered all kinds of people, and meant it, too. That was in Vietnam. -That was in Vietnam. He's the kind liked it. -He's the kind liked it. Lula, I got to get some sleep. -Lula, I got to get some sleep. Buddy told me about that thing at Cao Ben? -Buddy told me about that thing at Cao Ben? What? -What? Was a massacre. Soldiers there murdered old folks, women and babies, and dumped 'em in a trench. Bobby Peru prob'ly killed the most. -Was a massacre. Soldiers there murdered old folks, women and babies, and dumped 'em in a trench. Bobby Peru prob'ly killed the most. Lula, he mighta did, I don't know. But it don't matter now. Lotta guys go outta control in a war and it ain't their fault. -That man's a black angel, Sailor. You hook up with him, you'll regret it. If you live to. Thanks, darlin', I know you got my best interest in mind, and I 'preciate it sincerely. I love you, but I gotta sleep now. -You must be my son. Shake hands with your daddy. -You hungry? Pace and I ain't had dinner yet. Lead the way. -I'm sorry, Sailor. I just can't help it. Give me a minute and I'll quit. Boys frightened, Lula. This ain't no good. -Boys frightened, Lula. This ain't no good. Really, Sail, I'll be okay. -Really, Sail, I'll be okay. It's a mistake, honey. You two go on. I'll walk back to the depot. -It's a mistake, honey. You two go on. I'll walk back to the depot. What're you talkin' about? That's your son in there. -What're you talkin' about? That's your son in there. He ain't never known me, Lula, so there ain't much for him to forget. Not seein' each other for six years makes it next best to simple for us, too. -He ain't never known me, Lula, so there ain't much for him to forget. Not seein' each other for six years makes it next best to simple for us, too. How can you say that, Sailor? -How can you say that, Sailor? What makes sense, is all. -LULA!!!! SAILOR!!!! -...live in exchange for sexual favors. Police said they have identified and questioned at least four girls, all Asians twelve to fifteen years old, who have been living in the North Houston warehouse with a Vietnamese pimp since February. The girls are being treated as victims, said police Sergeant Amos Milburn. 'These are really just children,' he said, 'but they've been exposed to a lot already. I'll bet. -I'll bet. In international news, India plans to release crocodiles in the Ganges, the holy Hindu river in which millions of people bathe annually, to scavenge for corpses, authorities said. -The reptiles were supposed to be of a docile species, said a senior government official, but it seems the breeders bungled and reared attack crocodiles. Damn! -Damn! The Indian official who supplied this information did so only on condition of anonymity. The Uttar Pradesh state authorities last October released five hundred turtles... -In the Ganges near Varanasi to try and reduce human pollution and now plan to put in the crocodiles to devour floatin' corpses dumped by Hindus too poor to pay for cremation. HOLY SHIT!! IT'S THE NIGHT OF THE LIVIN' FUCKIN' DEAD!!!! -Mama??? You know who it was and you know you aren't, and I mean ARE NOT gonna see him EVER... End of story. -You know who it was and you know you aren't, and I mean ARE NOT gonna see him EVER... End of story. Like hell. -I'm fine, mama. I just wanted to tell you not to worry. Why, how could I not worry? Not knowin' what's happenin' to you or where you are? Are you with that boy? -Why, how could I not worry? Not knowin' what's happenin' to you or where you are? Are you with that boy? If you mean Sailor, mama, yes I am. -If you mean Sailor, mama, yes I am. Are you comin' back here soon, Lula? I need you here. -Are you comin' back here soon, Lula? I need you here. Need me for what, mama? I'm perfectly fine, and safe, too. -Need me for what, mama? I'm perfectly fine, and safe, too. You in a dance hall or somethin'? I can hear music behind you. -You in a dance hall or somethin'? I can hear music behind you. Just a place. -Just a place. Really, Lula, this ain't right! -Really, Lula, this ain't right! Right?! Mama, was it right for you to sic Johnnie Farragut on us? How could you do that? -Right?! Mama, was it right for you to sic Johnnie Farragut on us? How could you do that? Did you run into Johnnie in New Orleans? Lula, are you in New Orleans? -Did you run into Johnnie in New Orleans? Lula, are you in New Orleans? No, mama, I'm in Mexico, and we're about to get on an airplane to Argentina! -No, mama, I'm in Mexico, and we're about to get on an airplane to Argentina! Argentina! Lula, you're outta your mind. Now you just tell me where you are and I'll come for you. I won't say nothin' to the police about Sailor, I promise. He can do what he wants, I don't care. -Argentina! Lula, you're outta your mind. Now you just tell me where you are and I'll come for you. I won't say nothin' to the police about Sailor, I promise. He can do what he wants, I don't care. Mama, I'm hangin' up this phone now. -Mama, I'm hangin' up this phone now. No, baby, don't! Can I send you somethin'? You runnin' low on money? I'll wire you some money if you tell me where you are. -No, baby, don't! Can I send you somethin'? You runnin' low on money? I'll wire you some money if you tell me where you are. I ain't that dumb, mama. Sailor and I been on a crime spree? Knockin' off convenience stores all across the south? Ain't you read about it? -Lula? I love you, baby. I just want you to be all right. I am all right, mama. That's why I called, to let you know. I gotta go. -I am all right, mama. That's why I called, to let you know. I gotta go. Call me again soon? I'll be waitin' by the phone. -Call me again soon? I'll be waitin' by the phone. Don't be crazy, mama. Take care of yourself. -You're comin' home, precious. Santos' gonna drive us to the San Antonio airport. Mama, Sailor's in deep trouble here. I just can't leave him. -I'm goin', mama. No way I can't go. You ain't takin' Pace, though. -You ain't takin' Pace, though. Course I am, mama. -Course I am, mama. What time's Sailor's train get in? -What time's Sailor's train get in? Six. -Six. Got any plans? -Got any plans? Figure we'll go have supper someplace. Maybe get some barbecue out by Stateline. Sailor always liked that Havana Brown's Pig Pickin'. -Figure we'll go have supper someplace. Maybe get some barbecue out by Stateline. Sailor always liked that Havana Brown's Pig Pickin'. Well, you be careful with that boy, Lula. -Well, you be careful with that boy, Lula. Sailor ain't a boy no more, mama. -Sailor ain't a boy no more, mama. Don't mean him. It's Pace concerns me. -Don't mean him. It's Pace concerns me. Really, mama, I gotta go. -Really, mama, I gotta go. What if I asked you not to? -What if I asked you not to? Wouldn't make any difference. -Wouldn't make any difference. What if I told you not to? -What if I told you not to? Mama... if you get in the way of me and Sailor's happiness, I'll fuckin' pull your arms out by the roots. -I'm afraid his car is gone, Mrs. Fortune. I don't understand this... I don't understand this one bit. He was supposed to meet me right her in this lobby. Somethin' bad has happened - I jus know it. -I don't understand this... I don't understand this one bit. He was supposed to meet me right her in this lobby. Somethin' bad has happened - I jus know it. Perhaps we should call a local law enforcement officer. -Perhaps we should call a local law enforcement officer. HELL NO!!! That's the last thing we need... A buncha cops runnin' around. -Oh God! What does that mean? I'm sure I wouldn't know, ma'am... and buffalo hunting too... hmmmmm? -I'm sure I wouldn't know, ma'am... and buffalo hunting too... hmmmmm? And jus when my baby's out on some Texas road with a killer. -I knew you'd want it again... That's not why I called. -That's not why I called. Oh yeah - sure... okay. -Oh yeah - sure... okay. Santos... It isn't. -Santos... It isn't. Have it your way... But you want it. -Have it your way... But you want it. Lula's gone off with Sailor. -Lula's gone off with Sailor. What do you want me to do about it? -What do you want me to do about it? I want you to take care of Sailor, so he won't ever be able to bother my baby again. -I want you to take care of Sailor, so he won't ever be able to bother my baby again. Take care of him? -Take care of him? Yes. -Yes. What does take care of him mean? Do you want me to give him food or some clothing? -What does take care of him mean? Do you want me to give him food or some clothing? What's with you? You know what take care of him means. I don't call Santos except for one big reason. -What's with you? You know what take care of him means. I don't call Santos except for one big reason. Big is the key word, and I'm telling you I want it bad. -Big is the key word, and I'm telling you I want it bad. I want you to get rid of Sailor. -I want you to get rid of Sailor. Get rid of him? -Get rid of him? Yes... Get rid of him. -Yes... Get rid of him. How would I do that? Send him on a trip - like maybe to Hawaii? -How would I do that? Send him on a trip - like maybe to Hawaii? Santos, why in hell do you insist on playin' this stupid game? -Santos, why in hell do you insist on playin' this stupid game? Just tell me what you want. -Just tell me what you want. I don't need to explain anymore'n I have... You know damn well. -I don't need to explain anymore'n I have... You know damn well. You need to explain it. -You need to explain it. All right... I want you... to... kill... Sailor... As simple as that. -All right... I want you... to... kill... Sailor... As simple as that. Simple? Kill him? How? -Simple? Kill him? How? That's your business... I don't care how. -That's your business... I don't care how. Like an accident where maybe Lula might also get hurt? -Like an accident where maybe Lula might also get hurt? NO... For God's sakes, Santos! -NO... For God's sakes, Santos! Well, like kill him with the atomic bomb? -Well, like kill him with the atomic bomb? Santos... -Santos... Explain it... I told you. -Explain it... I told you. Shoot him. -Shoot him. Shoot him? Like with a gun? -Shoot him? Like with a gun? Yes. -Yes. Where? In the leg? -Where? In the leg? No. -No. Where? -Where? In the head. -In the head. Shoot Sailor in the head with a gun... Now I'm beginning to get it... You want me to shoot Sailor in the head with a gun. -Shoot Sailor in the head with a gun... Now I'm beginning to get it... You want me to shoot Sailor in the head with a gun. Yes. -Yes. But where in the head? Not the chin, I hope. -But where in the head? Not the chin, I hope. No... In the brains... What little I'm sure he has. -No... In the brains... What little I'm sure he has. You want me to shoot Sailor in the brains with a gun. -You want me to shoot Sailor in the brains with a gun. Yes. -Yes. Through the forehead? -Through the forehead? Yes. -Yes. Wrong! It's much better to blow a hole in the back of the head... right toward the bridge of the nose... Lots and lots of irreparable damage. -Wrong! It's much better to blow a hole in the back of the head... right toward the bridge of the nose... Lots and lots of irreparable damage. See! I knew you had it all under control. -See! I knew you had it all under control. Why didn't you send Johnnie Farragut? -Why didn't you send Johnnie Farragut? Maybe I did... Try New Orleans first... Lula can't ever stop talkin' 'bout that town. -Maybe I did... Try New Orleans first... Lula can't ever stop talkin' 'bout that town. On one condition... -You give me your permission to kill Johnnie Farragut. Santos... No... Please, Santos... -Santos... No... Please, Santos... You're not tellin' me that you're sweet on him? -You're not tellin' me that you're sweet on him? No... But... -No... But... One day he's gonna find out what we're up to with Mr. Reindeer, and he could cause us a lot of trouble. -"I'm gonna take your silence as a ""yes""..." Santos... I can't... -Santos... I can't... Shhhh... It's all right... Also, I either take you or that pretty daughter of yours to bed. -Shhhh... It's all right... Also, I either take you or that pretty daughter of yours to bed. You fucker, don't you ever touch Lula - You fucker, I'll kill you. -You fucker, don't you ever touch Lula - You fucker, I'll kill you. Put your shoulders back. -Put your shoulders back. What? -What? Put your shoulders back, I said. -You got nice tits. Someone's gonna see us. -Someone's gonna see us. That's just another part of the price to pay. -That's just another part of the price to pay. Santos... You kill that Sailor, otherwise he's gonna turn my baby against me. -I got your message... But you went right to Johnnie, didn't you?... I can't trust you, bitch - not for one minute... Naughty girl... Sailor and Lula are headed west, and guess what? There's no turning back. I'm in a killing mood. No... -No... My very best to Johnnie... Bless his soul. -Santos... Where's J-J-Johnnie? Shhhhhh... Thank you, gentlemen... I'll look after her now... -Santos... What's happenin' here? Hey... Stop the nervous cry-baby routine... You're my girl now... Santos is gonna wipe away those tears and make you happy... Come on, let's get outta here. -Hey... Stop the nervous cry-baby routine... You're my girl now... Santos is gonna wipe away those tears and make you happy... Come on, let's get outta here. Where we goin'? -Where we goin'? Got word the kids are moving through Texas... I think an ending is being arranged there... Come on, lemme see a smile. -Got word the kids are moving through Texas... I think an ending is being arranged there... Come on, lemme see a smile. Please Santos... Where's Johnnie? -...Sailor Ripley... Can I talk to Lula? There's no way in hell you can speak to her and... -There's no way in hell you can speak to her and... What?... -What?... ...Yes you heard me... Don't ever call back here again. -Hey, Sailor boy, you wanna fuck Lula's mama?... No. -No. Well, she wants to fuck you. -No... I just wanted to kiss you good- bye... You know too much 'bout little Lula's mom... Whattya mean? -Whattya mean? Well, Johnnie told me you used to drive for Clyde and Santos... -Well, Johnnie told me you used to drive for Clyde and Santos... So? -So? So maybe one night you got a little too close to the fire... And you're gonna get burned, baby... And besides that, you're shit... D'you think I'd let my little girl go with shit like you?... Why, you belong right here in one of these toilets. -So maybe one night you got a little too close to the fire... And you're gonna get burned, baby... And besides that, you're shit... D'you think I'd let my little girl go with shit like you?... Why, you belong right here in one of these toilets. You're gonna have to kill me to keep me away from Lula. -You're gonna have to kill me to keep me away from Lula. Oh, don't worry 'bout that... -Oh, don't worry 'bout that... It's a prob'lm I don't think's gonna go away too soon though... Peanut, I'm thinkin' of breakin' parole and takin' you out to sunny California. -Oh... Look at this... What do you want, snakeskin? Just passin' through on my way to who knows where... -Just passin' through on my way to who knows where... Sure... I figured I'd see you sometime... -Sure... I figured I'd see you sometime... Hopin' you could tell me if there's a contract out on me. I really need to know. -Hopin' you could tell me if there's a contract out on me. I really need to know. By who? -By who? I think Santos or Marietta Fortune. -I think Santos or Marietta Fortune. Heard you was goin' out with that bitch's daughter. -Heard you was goin' out with that bitch's daughter. You heard right. -You heard right. You really are one dumb asshole. -You really are one dumb asshole. Life is unpredictable. -Life is unpredictable. Does that girlfriend of yours know that her mama and Santos killed her daddy? Does she know her own daddy was one of the biggest drug dealers around - till he started snortin' the shit himself?... Does she know you was around that night her daddy was set fire to? -Does that girlfriend of yours know that her mama and Santos killed her daddy? Does she know her own daddy was one of the biggest drug dealers around - till he started snortin' the shit himself?... Does she know you was around that night her daddy was set fire to? I didn't see nothin'... -I didn't see nothin'... Yeah... But I did... And I told you all about it... -Yeah... But I did... And I told you all about it... Is there a contract?... We made a deal once that we'd tip each other off if we ever heard. -Is there a contract?... We made a deal once that we'd tip each other off if we ever heard. I know... I remember. -I know... I remember. Well?... -Well?... I ain't heard of nothin'. -I ain't heard of nothin'. Thanks... -I'll tell you the problem. You behind the wheel. There's your fucking problem. That's pretty simplistic, don't you think? -That's pretty simplistic, don't you think? Hey, pal, you don't start doing crazy eights in the middle of the street none of this happens. -Hey, pal, you don't start doing crazy eights in the middle of the street none of this happens. Excuse me. Did you, or did you not, have a gun to his head? -Excuse me. Did you, or did you not, have a gun to his head? He was trying to steal my car! -What he means is, it's difficult to distill the essence of a book sometimes. It lives in the mind. Yeah, but you gotta know what it's about, right? I mean, if you didn't know what it was about, why were you writing it? -That's just how my brain works, I guess. Fascinating. Listen, why don't you come out with us after the lecture. There's a place on the Hill I always get Trip to take me. -Fascinating. Listen, why don't you come out with us after the lecture. There's a place on the Hill I always get Trip to take me. Actually... I just want to go home. -Actually... I just want to go home. Oh, don't be silly. No one your age just wants to go home. Besides, faculty will be present. Just think of it as a field trip. -He's fine. He's narrating. We're going to the men's room. Only we might not make it in time. -Hey. What are you guys doing here? We're springing you, Leer. Get some pants on. -I like what you've done with it. When's Captain Nemo moving in? The candelabras were my Gran's. -You all right, Professor Tripp? He's great. Come on, let's blow before lo' Gran decides to boil your bones for breakfast. -He's great. Come on, let's blow before lo' Gran decides to boil your bones for breakfast. Oh, well, that's just it. She's been coming down here, every half hour or so, to, sort of, check on me. If I'm not here, she might... call the police or... something. -Oh, well, that's just it. She's been coming down here, every half hour or so, to, sort of, check on me. If I'm not here, she might... call the police or... something. Hhhuh. So we decoy her. Stick a couple pillows and one of your teddy bears under the spread and she won't know the difference. -Hhhuh. So we decoy her. Stick a couple pillows and one of your teddy bears under the spread and she won't know the difference. Yeah. Like in Against All Flags. Only they use a couple big hams. -You snore. So I hear. -So I hear. No offense, Professor Tripp, but you look sorta crappy. -No offense, Professor Tripp, but you look sorta crappy. He's right, you look horrible. -It's the Chancellor. Ah, right. Well, I gave you my opinion. -Thank you. You're welcome. -Tripp! How are you, Crabtree? -How are you, Crabtree? Brimming. Say hello to my new friend, Miss Antonia... uh... -I was explaining to Antonia how a book comes to be published. What you do as a writer, what I do as an editor... I sweat blood for five years and he checks for spelling. -Emily? Your wife. -Your wife. Oh. We're picking her up. Downtown. -Oh. We're picking her up. Downtown. Perfect. Well then, shall we? -Do you know how many times I've boarded an airplane praying someone like her would sit down beside me? Particularly while I'm on my way to Pittsburgh. Lay off Pittsburgh. It's one of the great cities. -Lay off Pittsburgh. It's one of the great cities. If it can produce a Miss Sloviak you'll get no argument from me. -If it can produce a Miss Sloviak you'll get no argument from me. She's a transvestite. -She's a transvestite. You're stoned. -You're stoned. She's still a transvestite. -She's still a transvestite. Mm. -Mm. Isn't she? -It's fine. It's done. Basically. I'm just sort of... tinkering with it. Great. I was hoping I could get a look at it sometime this weekend. Think that might be possible? -Great. I was hoping I could get a look at it sometime this weekend. Think that might be possible? I don't know. I'm sort of at a critical... juncture. -I don't know. I'm sort of at a critical... juncture. I thought you were tinkering. -I thought you were tinkering. I just mean... -I just mean... Forget I asked. I don't want to pressure you, Tripp. But... ...I get pressure. Know what I mean? -You didn't actually purchase this car, did you. Trip?? It was Jerry Nathan's. He owed me money. -It was Jerry Nathan's. He owed me money. He owes God money. You know, he queered himself for good with Esquire. -He said something about being between things. Yeah, between a bookie and a pair of broken legs. -Trip?? She left me. Crabs. -She left me. Crabs. Left you...? Who? Emily? -Left you...? Who? Emily? This morning. I found a note in the kitchen. -This morning. I found a note in the kitchen. But. ...why didn't you say something, Tripp? I mean, what are we doing here? -I thought you were Mrs. Gaskell's hobby, Tripp. Piss off, Crabs. I lost a wife today. -Piss off, Crabs. I lost a wife today. Oh, I'm sure you'll find another. You always do. -Is that just beer? Primarily. Although I gather you two staged a little raid on the Crabtree pharmacopoeia. You missed a few bottles, by the way. -Primarily. Although I gather you two staged a little raid on the Crabtree pharmacopoeia. You missed a few bottles, by the way. I'm sure. Where is everyone? -I'm sure. Where is everyone? Sara and Walter declined. Guess they wanted to go home and curl up on the couch with the dog. -He has a book. I know. He started it Fall semester. -I know. He started it Fall semester. He finished it Winter Break. -So. Is he any good? No. Not yet he isn't. -No. Not yet he isn't. Well, I'm going to read it anyway. -Well, I'm going to read it anyway. Come on. Crabs. Don't do this. He's one of my students, for Christ sake. I'm not even sure if he's -- -Come on. Crabs. Don't do this. He's one of my students, for Christ sake. I'm not even sure if he's -- He is. Take my word for it. -He is. Take my word for it. I think it's more complicated than that. Besides, he's a little... scattered. He almost... did something stupid tonight. At least, I think so. Anyway, he doesn't need sexual confusion thrown into the stew right now. -I think it's more complicated than that. Besides, he's a little... scattered. He almost... did something stupid tonight. At least, I think so. Anyway, he doesn't need sexual confusion thrown into the stew right now. On the contrary, it could be just the ticket. -No sexual confusion there, eh, Professor? Shut up and drink. -He's a boxer. A flyweight. Huh uh. A jockey. His name's, um, Curtis... Curtis Hardapple. -Huh uh. A jockey. His name's, um, Curtis... Curtis Hardapple. Not Curtis. -Not Curtis. Vernon, then. Vernon Hardapple. The scar's are from a -- from a horse. He fell during a race and got trampled. -Vernon, then. Vernon Hardapple. The scar's are from a -- from a horse. He fell during a race and got trampled. And now he's addicted to painkillers. -And now he's addicted to painkillers. He can't piss standing up anymore. -He can't piss standing up anymore. He lives with his mother. -He lives with his mother. And he had a younger brother who... was... a... -And he had a younger brother who... was... a... Groom. Named Claudell. And his mother blames Vernon for his death. -Groom. Named Claudell. And his mother blames Vernon for his death. Because... because... -That was good. He heard everything we were saying. -Christ, Crabs, what do you expect me to do? The kid's practically in a coma. Tripp. -Tripp. Yes. -Yes. Hit your brakes. -What's this guy's problem? Just go around him. -Shit. Back up. Go out the other way. -Wait here. I'll be right back. Where would we go? -Tripp?! Shit. -Listen, Hannah, I'm flattered, really, but right now I -- Tripp, where the hell... -You stay there. What? Ohhhh. Is that... it? -Honestly, Tripp. Do you actually think I would sneak in here and read your book without asking you? Gee, I don't know, Crabs. I don't seem to remember you actually asking me if you could invite 200 people over to trash my living room. -Gee, I don't know, Crabs. I don't seem to remember you actually asking me if you could invite 200 people over to trash my living room. Sometimes we have to improvise. -Sometimes we have to improvise. Think, Hannah. Does James have any friends. I mean, besides you and... me? -Think, Hannah. Does James have any friends. I mean, besides you and... me? James? My James? What's happened? -James? My James? What's happened? Nothing, he's just been sort of, I don't know... kidnapped. -Nothing, he's just been sort of, I don't know... kidnapped. Kidnapped? By who? -Kidnapped? By who? His parents. -His parents. Good God. Let's go rescue him. -Good God. Let's go rescue him. Good idea, Crabs. Only one problem. I don't know where they live. -Good idea, Crabs. Only one problem. I don't know where they live. Ah. Wait a minute. The university must know where he lives. -Ah. Wait a minute. The university must know where he lives. It's a little late to call Admissions. -It's a little late to call Admissions. Is it a little late to call the Chancellor? -Is it a little late to call the Chancellor? Maybe... I don't know. -You know -- based on what I've read -- this is a very exciting piece of material, this Big Parade. Love. It's Love Parade -- and what do you mean 'based on what you've read'? You skimmed two chapters at 80 miles an hour while gargling methamphetamines. -Love. It's Love Parade -- and what do you mean 'based on what you've read'? You skimmed two chapters at 80 miles an hour while gargling methamphetamines. I've been doing this a long time, Tripp. I feel this kid in my bones. -I've been doing this a long time, Tripp. I feel this kid in my bones. Only in your bones? -How bad is it for you? Bad enough. And God knows I don't exactly fit the new corporate profile. -Bad enough. And God knows I don't exactly fit the new corporate profile. Which is? -Which is? Competence. -So tell me about you and the Chancellor. What's to tell? -What's to tell? Plenty, I'm sure. But, for what it's worth... -Jesus. There must be two dozen windows on that thing. How are we supposed to find his? I told you. They keep him chained in the basement. Come on. -Oh, Christ, don't start on ol' Gran or we'll leave you here. Hey, I heard all about it -- the parents, the grandparents, the China town thing -- and I believe you, okay? That's why we're here. Now go get dressed. -So modest. So sensitive. -So sensitive. Oh, come on, Tripp. Cut the kid some slack. -Oh, come on, Tripp. Cut the kid some slack. It's just ail that crap he spins out. Just once I'd like to know if the little bastard is telling the truth. -It's just ail that crap he spins out. Just once I'd like to know if the little bastard is telling the truth. The truth. I know that's always been real important to you. Okay, check this out... -Crabtree. Ye-es? -Is he awake? I'm afraid he's pretty worn out, poor kid. -I'm afraid he's pretty worn out, poor kid. Nevertheless. There's a police officer standing on the porch and I don't think he's going away. -Shut up, James. So what's the problem? -So what's the problem? There is no problem. Did I say there was a problem? -Who do you think it is? The Chancellor's here? Now? -The Chancellor's here? Now? Evidently. Coming! -I want to publish this. I've got to. I think they'll let me. With a little editorial guidance it could be brilliant. Great. Between you and Officer Pupcik out there he can be the next Jean Genet. It's been awhile since somebody wrote a good book in jail. -So -- what do we do now? Find the jacket. -Find the jacket. Oh! Huh. Exactly how do we do that? -Oh! Huh. Exactly how do we do that? First I see if Hannah will let me borrow her car. -First I see if Hannah will let me borrow her car. It seems to me that girl would let you borrow her pancreas. -Want some help with that? Don't touch it. -Let me get this straight. Jerry Nathan owes you money. So, as collateral, he gives you his car. Only now I'm starting to think the car wasn't exactly Jerry's to give. -Only now I'm starting to think the car wasn't exactly Jerry's to give. So whose car is it? -So whose car is it? My guess -- Vernon Hardapple. -My guess -- Vernon Hardapple. The hood jumper? -The hood jumper? He said a few things that lead me to believe the car's his. -He said a few things that lead me to believe the car's his. Such as. -Such as. 'That's my car, motherfucker.' -'That's my car, motherfucker.' Uh huh. So. We find Vernon, we find the car. We find the car... -Uh huh. So. We find Vernon, we find the car. We find the car... ...we find the jacket. -...we find the jacket. There's only one problem, Tripp. We don't know his real name. We just made it up. In fact, we made the whole guy up. -There's only one problem, Tripp. We don't know his real name. We just made it up. In fact, we made the whole guy up. No wonder he screwed us over. -Christ, Tripp. How did you know? Call it a hunch. -Naturally you have copies. I have an alternate version of the first chapter. -I have an alternate version of the first chapter. You'll be all right then. Look at Carlyle, when he lost his luggage. -You'll be all right then. Look at Carlyle, when he lost his luggage. That was MacCaulay. -That was MacCaulay. Or Hemingway, when Hadley lost all those stories. -Or Hemingway, when Hadley lost all those stories. He was never able to reproduce them. -He was never able to reproduce them. Bad examples. Look, Tripp, I don't want to depreciate the loss here, but perhaps -- in a sense -- this -- is for the best. -Kind of a sign, you're saying. In a sense. -In a sense. I don't think so. In my experience, signs are usually a lot more subtle. -The jacket, Tripp. We need the jacket. Oh, right. Oola. About that jacket... -Came to my senses. Ah. Well. Congratulations. Meanwhile, what is James supposed to do? Pray for Walter Gaskell to come to his? -Ah. Well. Congratulations. Meanwhile, what is James supposed to do? Pray for Walter Gaskell to come to his? Walter Gaskell isn't going to send James Leer to jail, Crabs. I know that. -Walter Gaskell isn't going to send James Leer to jail, Crabs. I know that. Do you know he won't expel him? -Do you know he won't expel him? No. But I don't think that matters. -No. But I don't think that matters. That's very enlightened, Professor. It's comforting to know that America's children have you for a teacher. -Me? What can I do? Gee, I don't know, Crabs... Improvise. You're good at that. -You peeked, didn't you? I peeked. -How are you -- is it Joe? Jeff. Sorry. I didn't even know this was your house until about an hour ago. -Jeff. Sorry. I didn't even know this was your house until about an hour ago. Don't sweat it. Well. 'Night, Jeff. -Don't sweat it. Well. 'Night, Jeff. Oh, Professor Tripp? You know, last semester, what I said that time in office hours -- I hope there's no hard feelings. -Oh, Professor Tripp? You know, last semester, what I said that time in office hours -- I hope there's no hard feelings. No... -No... I mean, I was breaking up with this girl at the time and my car was ail fucked up and -- well -- I was pretty bent in general. -I mean, I was breaking up with this girl at the time and my car was ail fucked up and -- well -- I was pretty bent in general. It's cool, Jeff. Really. -It's cool, Jeff. Really. I just want you to know that's why I dropped your class and said all that shit about the university stealing my money and you being a pseudo- Faulknerian nobody. -I'll be... somewhere else. Hey, Jeff. If you're really interested in discussing that business with the tango, try the guy at the end of the hall. -You driving this car? Excuse me? -Excuse me? This 1966 maroon Ford Galaxie 500. You driving this car? -This 1966 maroon Ford Galaxie 500. You driving this car? It's mine. -It's mine. Bullshit. It's mine, motherfucker. -Bullshit. It's mine, motherfucker. You must be mistaken. -You must be mistaken. Bullshit. -I passed out. You did. -You did. I've been doing that a lot lately. -I've been doing that a lot lately. So I hear. You've also been smoking a lot of marijuana, I understand. -So I hear. You've also been smoking a lot of marijuana, I understand. Do you think that's why I've been having these... ...spells? -Do you think that's why I've been having these... ...spells? How long have you been having them? -How long have you been having them? The last month maybe. -The last month maybe. How long have you been smoking marijuana? -How long have you been smoking marijuana? Spiro T. Agnew was vice president, I believe. -Spiro T. Agnew was vice president, I believe. That's probably not the problem, then. What about your lifestyle. Any major changes recently? -That's probably not the problem, then. What about your lifestyle. Any major changes recently? I've been trying to finish a book... -I've been trying to finish a book... And your wife left you. -And your wife left you. Is that in my chart? -Is that in my chart? I spoke with the woman who saved your life. You're lucky she came along when she did. -I know. You need to see a doctor, Mr. Tripp. An internist. And I think you really ought to consider seeing a therapist, as well. -You need to see a doctor, Mr. Tripp. An internist. And I think you really ought to consider seeing a therapist, as well. She told you about... -She told you about... Her dog, yes. -Her dog, yes. Actually, it was her husband's dog... -Look, Mr. Tripp. You have a drug problem, all right? On top of that, you have a bite on your ankle that is severely infected. We pumped you with antibiotics so you'll be fine, but another day or two and you might have lost the foot. As for your spells. I'm guessing they're a result of the anxiety you've been experiencing lately. They're anxiety attacks? That's a little disappointing. -They're anxiety attacks? That's a little disappointing. Better luck next time. -Better luck next time. So is my friend... is Sara still here? -So is my friend... is Sara still here? No. There's no one here. -No. There's no one here. I have to see her. As soon as possible. -Vernon. Move away, cupcake. He's got a gun. -Move away, cupcake. He's got a gun. Who's got a gun? -Who's got a gun? You've got a gun, motherfucker. Drop it! -You've got a gun, motherfucker. Drop it! Relax, Vernon... -Not true. You're the only Vernon I know. Actually, I'm wrong. I once knew a Vernon Peabody at Penguin U.K. Shut up. Cupcake. Please. Inside. -It's just a souvenir. They don't even make the caps anymore. Bullshit. I know a gun when I see one. And that's a gun. -Bullshit. I know a gun when I see one. And that's a gun. No, really... -Who the hell is that? A Manhattan book editor murdering a Mormon girl's clutch. -Let me get this straight. All that paper that went into the river. That was the only copy? 'Fraid so. -'Fraid so. And you're saying it's some kind of sign? What the fuck's the matter with you? -Hey, Vernon. Can I ask you a question? Shoot. -Boy or girl? As long as it looks like her, I don't care. You know what I'm saying? -Right. Well, thanks. For the lift. No sweat. Only do me a favor? -No sweat. Only do me a favor? Sure. -Sure. Stop calling me Vernon. -Hello? Grady, it's Sara. Thank God you're there. You won't believe what's happened. -Grady, it's Sara. Thank God you're there. You won't believe what's happened. Could you hold on a minute, honey? -Sara? Hi. It's Grady. Where are you, Grady? An elevator? -Where are you, Grady? An elevator? I'm in Kinship. Listen, Sara, there's some things we need to talk about... -I'm in Kinship. Listen, Sara, there's some things we need to talk about... You're in Kinship? -You're in Kinship? Yes. But that's not why I called... -Yes. But that's not why I called... With Emily? -With Emily? What? No. There's no one here. I'm just... just... -What? No. There's no one here. I'm just... just... Just what? Doing a little dusting? -...reconcile with Emily. Are you there to not reconcile with her? -Goodbye, Grady. No. Sara, you don't understand... -No. Sara, you don't understand... Trust me, I understand. I just want to say something to you, Grady. -Trust me, I understand. I just want to say something to you, Grady. Yea? -Yea? How you choose to live your own life is your business. But you be careful with that boy, Grady. With James. He belongs to somebody else. -It was my mother's. She won it in a penny arcade in Baltimore when she was in Catholic school. It's very convincing. -It's very convincing. It used to shoot these little paper caps, but they don't make them anymore. The caps. -It's just... for good luck. Some people carry rabbits' feet... ...You carry firearms. -Are you and Hannah seeing each other, James? No! What gave you that idea? -No! What gave you that idea? Relax, James. I'm not her father. I just rent her a room. -Relax, James. I'm not her father. I just rent her a room. She likes old movies like I do, that's all. Besides, she doesn't really know me. She thinks she does, but she doesn't. Maybe it's because she's Mormon and I'm Catholic. -She likes old movies like I do, that's all. Besides, she doesn't really know me. She thinks she does, but she doesn't. Maybe it's because she's Mormon and I'm Catholic. Maybe it's because she's beautiful and she knows it and try as she might to not let that screw her up, it's inevitable that it will in some way. -You're not like my other teachers, Professor Tripp. You're not like my other students, James. So what was the movie you two saw? -You're not like my other students, James. So what was the movie you two saw? Huh? Oh. Son of Fury. With Tyrone Power and Frances Farmer. -Huh? Oh. Son of Fury. With Tyrone Power and Frances Farmer. She went crazy, Frances Farmer. -She went crazy, Frances Farmer. So did Gene Tierney. She's in it too. -So did Gene Tierney. She's in it too. Sounds like a good one. -Sounds like a good one. It's not bad. -Listen, James, about this afternoon. In workshop. I'm sorry. I think I let things get a bit out of control. They really hated it. I think they hated it more than any of the other ones. -They really hated it. I think they hated it more than any of the other ones. Well... -Well... It doesn't matter. It only took me an hour to write. -It doesn't matter. It only took me an hour to write. Really? That's remarkable. -Really? That's remarkable. I have trouble sleeping. While I'm lying in bed I figure them out. The stories. -You cold, James? A little. -A little. So what are you doing out here? -So what are you doing out here? It's colder in there. -It's colder in there. You're right. -Actually, I saw the greenhouse. So I thought... I thought I'd come out here and take a look at it. You don't see one of those every day. It looks like heaven... Heaven? -Heaven? I saw a movie once. Part of it took place in heaven. Everyone wore white and lived in crystal houses. Like that. At least that's the way I remember it... -James. Don't leave just yet. There's something I think you ought to see. I'll miss my bus. -I'll miss my bus. This is worth it. -Is that really it? That's really it. -That's really it. The one she wore on her wedding day? -The one she wore on her wedding day? So I'm told. -Go ahead. Really? -Really? Really. -They're glass. The buttons. Like the lady herself. -It's feels unreal, like butterfly wings or... something. It must've cost Dr. Gaskell a lot. I guess. Walter never tells Sara the truth about how much he pays for these things. -I guess. Walter never tells Sara the truth about how much he pays for these things. You're really good friends with the Chancellor, aren't you? -Pretty good. I'm friends with Dr. Gaskell, too. I guess you must be, if you know the combination to his closet and he doesn't mind your being here in their bedroom like this. -I guess you must be, if you know the combination to his closet and he doesn't mind your being here in their bedroom like this. Right. -I'm sorry. Professor Tripp. Maybe it's seeing that jacket that belonged to her. It just looks... really lonely. Hanging there. In a closet. Maybe I'm just a little sad. Maybe. I'm feeling a little sad myself tonight. -Maybe. I'm feeling a little sad myself tonight. You mean, with your wife leaving you and all? Hannah mentioned something about it. About a note. -You mean, with your wife leaving you and all? Hannah mentioned something about it. About a note. Yes. Well. It's complicated, James. I think we should go now. -Shit, James. You shot Dr. Gaskell's dog. I had to. Didn't I? -I had to. Didn't I? Couldn't you've just pulled him off me? -Couldn't you've just pulled him off me? No! He was crazy. I didn't -- he looked -- I thought -- -No! He was crazy. I didn't -- he looked -- I thought -- Okay, okay. Take it easy. Don't freak out on me. -Do you have a mirror? It's the best way to see if someone's breathing. He's dead, James. Believe me, I know a dead dog when I see one. -Professor Tripp? Can I ask you a question? Yea, James. -Yea, James. What are we going to do with... -I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell the Chancellor I murdered her husband's dog. You? -You? Trust me, James, when the family pet's been assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear one of her students was the triggerman. -Trust me, James, when the family pet's been assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear one of her students was the triggerman. Does she want to hear it was one of her professors? -Does she want to hear it was one of her professors? I've got tenure. -That's a big trunk. It fits a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost perfectly. That's just what they used to say in the ads. Come on, Crabtree, I know you're holding... -That's just what they used to say in the ads. Come on, Crabtree, I know you're holding... Whose tuba is that anyway? -Whose tuba is that anyway? Miss Sloviak's. -Miss Sloviak's. Can I ask you something about her? -Can I ask you something about her? She is. Ah. Here we go... -Oh. So. Is -- is your friend Crabtree -- is he -- gay? Most of the time he is, James. Some of the time he isn't. Now what do we have here? -Looks like... our old friend Mr. Codeine. That should take the pinch out of my ankle. Have one. No thanks. I'm fine without them. -No thanks. I'm fine without them. Right. That's why you were standing in the Chancellor's back yard twirling that little cap gun of yours tonight. You're fine, all right, you're fit as a fucking fiddle. -This is so embarrassing! You guys had to carry me out. Is he all right? -Mmhmmm... knap... sap... What's he saying? -Shit. He must've left it back at Thaw. In the auditorium. Mmrrmmm... KNAP SAP! -Thank you. You're welcome. -I'm okay. I just lost my balance. I put you on the floor. -I put you on the floor. Oh. -Oh. I thought you might -- I don't know -- swallow your tongue or something. I guess you really miss her, huh? -Huh? Oh, no. This isn't Emily's. I just write in it. I guess there's probably a story behind that. -I guess there's probably a story behind that. There is, but it's not that interesting. -Want me to get that? Sure. -He didn't give his name. Who? -Who? The guy on the phone. -The guy on the phone. What'd he say? -What'd he say? He wanted to know if a Grady Tripp lived here and drove a dark maroon 1966 Ford Galaxie 500 with black interior. -He wanted to know if a Grady Tripp lived here and drove a dark maroon 1966 Ford Galaxie 500 with black interior. What'd you tell him? -What'd you tell him? Yes. -Yes. Good, James. If the Zodiac killer calls, be sure to mention the back door pops open with a couple hard shakes to the right. -Good, James. If the Zodiac killer calls, be sure to mention the back door pops open with a couple hard shakes to the right. I thought maybe you'd won a radio contest or something. Is that single- spaced? -Afraid so. That's a big book you're writing. -That's a big book you're writing. I think it's sort of writing itself at this point. -I think it's sort of writing itself at this point. Wow, Hannah always swore you were working, but -- -Wow, Hannah always swore you were working, but -- But... ? -But... ? Nothing, it's just that, well, it's been awhile since Arsonist's Daughter, and some people -- some of the kids in workshop -- thought maybe you were... -Nothing, it's just that, well, it's been awhile since Arsonist's Daughter, and some people -- some of the kids in workshop -- thought maybe you were... Washed up? -Washed up? Blocked. -Blocked. Ah. I don't believe in writer's block. -Professor Tripp? Hm. -Hm. How did I get here last night? -How did I get here last night? No one seems to know where you live, James. Hannah thought you'd like my couch. -No one seems to know where you live, James. Hannah thought you'd like my couch. And... and before that. Did I do anything? Anything bad? -And... and before that. Did I do anything? Anything bad? Well, James, you did shoot the Head of the English Department's dog and steal his most prized piece of memorabilia. -How's that? Well done, James. -I got kicked out. Well, not exactly kicked out. I was asked to leave. I guess there's probably a story behind that. -I guess there's probably a story behind that. There is, but it's not that interesting. -There is, but it's not that interesting. So where have you been staying? -So where have you been staying? The bus station. -It's not so bad. I know the night janitor. And there's a broken locker I can put my stuff. But James. I mean... How long? -But James. I mean... How long? A couple weeks. That's why... that's why I had the gun. For protection. -A couple weeks. That's why... that's why I had the gun. For protection. Jesus, James, you should've told someone. -Jesus, James, you should've told someone. Who? -Who? I don't know... Me. -Isn't this...? Hm. -I can't help myself. I don't know what's the matter with me. Shit, James, you're hungover. What do you think's the matter with you? -She seemed to take it pretty well. Yeah, well, actually... -Don't be proud, James. We're in Sewickley Heights. We could find you a nice golf course to barf on. No. -I've got a thing about, places like this. I know what those houses are like. I know what the people are like. Your aunt? -Humboldt County? Maybe... -Maybe... It's my father. He gets it from his doctor. -It's my father. He gets it from his doctor. Glaucoma? -Glaucoma? Colon cancer. -Colon cancer. Jesus, James. Wow. -It's a bit of a scandal. My parents live in a small town. Where's that? -Where's that? Carvel. -Carvel. Carvel? Where's Carvel? -Carvel? Where's Carvel? Outside Scranton. -Outside Scranton. I never heard of it. -I never heard of it. It's a hellhole. Three motels and a mannequin factory. My dad worked there for thirty-five years. -It's a hellhole. Three motels and a mannequin factory. My dad worked there for thirty-five years. Your father worked in a mannequin factory? -Your father worked in a mannequin factory? Seitz Plastics. That's where he met my mom. She was a fry cook in the cafeteria. Before that, she'd been a dancer. -Seitz Plastics. That's where he met my mom. She was a fry cook in the cafeteria. Before that, she'd been a dancer. What kind of dancer? -What kind of dancer? Whatever kind they wanted her to be. -Whatever kind they wanted her to be. James Leer, are you telling me your mother was a stripper? -James Leer, are you telling me your mother was a stripper? I'm telling you what I was told by my uncle. And he should know. He ran half a dozen men's clubs in Baltimore before he skipped town on a bad debt. -I'm telling you what I was told by my uncle. And he should know. He ran half a dozen men's clubs in Baltimore before he skipped town on a bad debt. Didn't you say your Mom went to Catholic school? -Didn't you say your Mom went to Catholic school? When we fall, we fall hard. -When we fall, we fall hard. Amazing. -I thought you were the guy who didn't like to lose control of his emotions. Maybe I just needed the moment to present itself. -This is so nice. It's like where Andy Hardy would live. What's it called again? Kinship. -Kinship. Kinship. And what's here? -Kinship. And what's here? Unless I miss my bet... my wife. -The one that left you? That's right. That one. -Someone jumped on your car with their butt... How can you tell? -How can you tell? You can see the outline of a butt. -Want one. They're incredible. Incredible. Smoke the rest of that joint, James, and you can start on the box. -Maybe she didn't come here. She came here. We'll just wait. In the meantime, I need you to shimmy through. -Relax. Emily hasn't carried a house key since she was twelve years old. And your hips are as slim as hers. It's not that. It just reminded me of -- you know -- of what's in the car. In the trunk. -It's not that. It just reminded me of -- you know -- of what's in the car. In the trunk. Oh. Right. Well, let's try not to think about that. -It feels really... good... here. I know. It's the house you want to wake up in on Christmas morning. Make yourself at home. I'll be right back. -I just wanted a little sip. I just wanted a little sip? Tell me, James, exactly what point was it that you turned into Serpent Boy? -I just wanted a little sip? Tell me, James, exactly what point was it that you turned into Serpent Boy? Probably about the time you gave me the codeine pills last night. -Jesus... Look, James, you appear to possess -- like many an aspiring writer before you, by the way -- a rather ardent affinity for the stuff of which dreams are made. However, I think it's best if, for the moment at least ...we abstain. You're mad at me, aren't you? -You're mad at me, aren't you? What? -What? You're mad because I shot your girlfriend's dog. -You're mad because I shot your girlfriend's dog. It wasn't her dog. It's her husband's -- Who said anything about girlfriend? -Okay, James, I wish you hadn't shot my girlfriend's dog. Even though Poe and I weren't exactly what you'd call simpatico, that's no reason for him to take two in the chest. Still, the fact remains that I'm the one who took you up into the Chancellor's bedroom. I'm the one who has to take the blame. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. Sure you do. You were thinking: 'That's no cap gun in that kid's overcoat.' You were thinking 'I can't let that kid get on the bus alone -- he might never get on the bus again.' You were thinking: 'I've got to find a way to distract this kid.' So you did. It was -- in its way -- a noble act. -Sure you do. You were thinking: 'That's no cap gun in that kid's overcoat.' You were thinking 'I can't let that kid get on the bus alone -- he might never get on the bus again.' You were thinking: 'I've got to find a way to distract this kid.' So you did. It was -- in its way -- a noble act. Thanks for the halo, James, but I've never done that much thinking ahead in my life -- ever. -So, why did you take me up there? I don't know, James. I don't know why I do half the things I do. Who does? Why do you wear that coat? -It's warm. James, fall semester, first day of class, it was 95 degrees and you were wearing the coat. -That's why they all give you such a hard time in workshop. Because of my coat? -Because of my coat? Because you act like a goddamn spook all the time. Not to mention the fact that every last one of them is jealous of you. -Because you act like a goddamn spook all the time. Not to mention the fact that every last one of them is jealous of you. Jealous? Of me? -Jealous? Of me? Not you. Your talent. -You're lying. The hell I am. -The hell I am. Yes you are. My stuff stinks. I know it. You said so yourself. -Yes you are. My stuff stinks. I know it. You said so yourself. I never said that. -I never said that. "Yes you did. Last night. To your friend Crabtree. ""Is he any good?"" he said. And you said: ""Not yet he isn't."" I heard you myself." -"Yes you did. Last night. To your friend Crabtree. ""Is he any good?"" he said. And you said: ""Not yet he isn't."" I heard you myself." I didn't mean it that way. -I didn't mean it that way. It's okay, Professor Tripp. Carrie, Howard, the others -- they're right. My stories are annoying. They go on and on and on, and the longer they go on the more annoying they become, until finally you just want to grab something heavy and -- -It's okay, Professor Tripp. Carrie, Howard, the others -- they're right. My stories are annoying. They go on and on and on, and the longer they go on the more annoying they become, until finally you just want to grab something heavy and -- Shut up, James. You're annoying. Carrie and Howard don't know what the fuck they're talking about, okay? The entire class combined -- including the lovely Hannah Green -- has about one tenth of one percent the talent you have, okay? -But, last night... Who cares what I said last night, James I -- I was drunk, I was stoned. I'd been bitten by a dog. My wife had left me. How 'bout cutting me some slack? -Who cares what I said last night, James I -- I was drunk, I was stoned. I'd been bitten by a dog. My wife had left me. How 'bout cutting me some slack? I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. And don't be so goddamn sensitive. Who cares what anybody thinks anyway? You want to be a good writer? You want to be a great writer? Then stop giving a damn what other people think. Most of them haven't thought in years. -Let me spell it out for you, James. Books don't mean anything. Not to anybody. Not anymore. Arsonist's Daughter meant something. -You coming? In a minute. Get us a table. -Want a bite? No thanks. -No thanks. That's why you're having them. Your spells. -That's why you're having them. Your spells. Spells? Jesus, James, you make it sound like we're in a Tennessee Williams play. I don't have spells. -Spells? Jesus, James, you make it sound like we're in a Tennessee Williams play. I don't have spells. What would you call them then? -What would you call them then? I don't know... 'Episodes.' -It's because you don't eat. I eat. -I eat. When? -When? When nobody's looking. -You just worry about yourself, James. Okay? Okay. -Where you going? Nowhere. You just sit here and... eat. -I'm not going with them. James. Listen. Things -- things are a little weird with me right now and I -- well --I have enough blame to shoulder these days without having to take the blame if something bad happened to you. And if you hang around me long enough, something bad is going to happen, trust me. That's why I need you to go home. Understand? -James. Listen. Things -- things are a little weird with me right now and I -- well --I have enough blame to shoulder these days without having to take the blame if something bad happened to you. And if you hang around me long enough, something bad is going to happen, trust me. That's why I need you to go home. Understand? I'm not going, with them. -I'm not going, with them. James, like it or not, they're your parents. -James, like it or not, they're your parents. Parents? They're not my parents. They're my grandparents. My parents are dead. -I remember that. Five or six years ago. Six. Their plane went down right outside Scranton. -Six. Their plane went down right outside Scranton. Near Carvel? -Near Carvel? I'm sorry about all that. I just -- I don't like to talk about my family. They treat me like a freak. She makes me sleep in the basement of my own house. It's mine. My parents left it to me. -Get out of here. That's why she hates me. That's why she makes me sleep in the basement. -That's why she hates me. That's why she makes me sleep in the basement. In the crawl space, with the rats and the casks of Amontillado. Come on. Up. -Can I -- I mean -- do you mind -- if I wear this again. Professor Tripp? Ah, wear whatever you want. -And we both thank you for that, but we're... we're... fine. I'm fine, right. Fit as a fucking fiddle. -Does she mean -- does she know about... her dog? It's Walter's dog and yes, she does know. But let's spare her the details. Come on, your shoes are in the hail. -Don't worry, James, I'll figure something out. I'm not worried. You're not worried, are you. Professor Tripp? -I'm not worried. You're not worried, are you. Professor Tripp? I'm a little worried, James. -I'm a little worried, James. Don't be. I don't care if they expel me. I probably should be expelled. -Don't be. I don't care if they expel me. I probably should be expelled. Well, let's see if we can keep that from happening. -Professor Tripp...? Yes, James. -Yes, James. Even if I end up going to jail.... -Yes, Hannah? I think maybe we're missing the point. It seems to me James' strength as a writer is that he doesn't take us by the hand. He treats us like adults. He respects us enough to forget us. That takes... courage. -Thanks for that. He all right? I think so... What about you? -I think so... What about you? Me? Sure. Why? -Me? Sure. Why? Just checking. -He's going with me. You take Crabtree. And his friend. All right? Ail right. By the way, his friend...? -Ail right. By the way, his friend...? The answer's yes. I think. Yes. I don't know. Where are they exactly? -James. This is my editor, Terry Crabtree. James'll know about George Sanders. -I've been re-reading Arsonist's Daughter. It's so beautiful, Grady. So natural. It's like all your sentences always existed, just waiting around in Style Heaven, or wherever, for you to fetch them down. I thank you. -I thank you. And I love the inscription you wrote to me. Only I'm not quite the downy innocent you think I am. -And I love the inscription you wrote to me. Only I'm not quite the downy innocent you think I am. I hope that isn't true. We need all the downy innocents we can get. -So what are you going to do? Do? -Do? I just mean, I -- I guess Emily isn't going to be there when you get home. -Look, Hannah. When you get him home... make sure he's all right. Before you leave. Okay? I would if I knew where I was taking him. -I would if I knew where I was taking him. Hannah, are you telling me you don't know where James Leer lives? -Hannah, are you telling me you don't know where James Leer lives? Some apartment somewhere. But I've never seen it. -Some apartment somewhere. But I've never seen it. That strikes me as odd. -That strikes me as odd. James is odd. I know he has an aunt in Sewickley Heights. I dropped him there once, but... Come to think of it, it wasn't even his Aunt's house. He said she worked there. Or something. I don't remember. -His bag. You know that ratty green thing he's always carrying around. He must've left it inside. Hh-uh. Last time I saw it was... -All right. Take him to my place. He can crash on the sofa. The one in your office? It's the best one for naps. -The one in your office? It's the best one for naps. I don't think it really matters, Hannah. We could probably stand him up in the garage with the snow shovels at this point. -I thought we were going to talk. Last night. Oh. Well. I... -Hey. Grady! -I know I shouldn't have, but there it was, just sort of lying out, and I couldn't resist and -- and -- I suck. No, it's okay. I just can't believe I left it out in the open like that. Crabtree hasn't been in here, has he? Poking around? -No, it's okay. I just can't believe I left it out in the open like that. Crabtree hasn't been in here, has he? Poking around? I don't know -- maybe -- I don't think so. -Listen, Hannah. You don't remember where that aunt worked, do you? James' aunt. He shot the Chancellor's dog, didn't he? The blind one. -He shot the Chancellor's dog, didn't he? The blind one. Actually, He's not the Chancellor's -- What? -Actually, He's not the Chancellor's -- What? At first the police thought he just ran away, but this afternoon Dr. Gaskell found some blood spots on the carpet -- -At first the police thought he just ran away, but this afternoon Dr. Gaskell found some blood spots on the carpet -- Jesus. -Jesus. Crabtree said it sounded like something James would be messed up in. -Crabtree said it sounded like something James would be messed up in. Crabtree? He doesn't even know James. -Crabtree? He doesn't even know James. Who does? -The aunt, Hannah. Where did you take James that day? I told you, Sewickly Heights. -I told you, Sewickly Heights. But where? I need the street. -But where? I need the street. I don't know, Grady. I just dropped him on a corner. -He cribbed that from Borges. It beats 'What's your major?' -Right. Anyway, I was wondering if I could borrow your car. Mine's sort of out of commission. Sure. The keys are on the dresser next to... to your book. -I uh, I didn't finish, I... fell asleep. That good, huh? -That good, huh? No, it's not that, it's... -It's just that, you know, I was thinking about how, in class, you're always telling us 'that writers make choices -- at least the good ones. And, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying the book isn't really great -- I mean, really great -- but at times it's, well, very detailed, you know, with the genealogies of everyone's horses and all the dental records and so on -- and I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but it sort of reads, in places, like, well, actually, like... ...you didn't make any choices at all. And I was wondering if it might not be different if, maybe, when you wrote, you weren't always... under the influence. Uh huh. Well, thanks for the thought, but, as shocking as this may sound, I'm not the first writer to sip a little weed. And furthermore, it might interest you to know that one book I wrote, as you say, 'under the influence,' happened to win a little something called the PEN award which, by the way, I accepted 'under the influence.' -Professor Tripp. Chancellor. -Chancellor. I got the message you called. -I got the message you called. I got the message you called too. -Easy there. I'm sorry. It's these goddamned shoes. I don't know how anyone actually walks in these things. -I need to talk to you. That's funny. I need to talk to you, too. Perhaps you could put some of these coats in the upstairs guest room, Professor Tripp. -That's funny. I need to talk to you, too. Perhaps you could put some of these coats in the upstairs guest room, Professor Tripp. I don't believe I know where the upstairs guest room is. -I don't believe I know where the upstairs guest room is. Well then. I'd better show you. Terry -- -New? Walter just got it back from the framer today. -You go first. All right. This morning -- -All right. This morning -- I'm pregnant. -I'm sure. Well. This is... surprising. Does Walter...? -Well. This is... surprising. Does Walter...? I think Walter would find this a little more than surprising. -Emily left me this morning. She's left before... -She's left before... She's left the room before. She always came back. -So. I guess we just divorce our spouses, marry each other, and have this baby, right? Simple. Simple. -Is that Cristaile? Hm. -Hm. My God, I wear the same scent as a transvestite. She IS a transvestite, isn't: she? -My God, I wear the same scent as a transvestite. She IS a transvestite, isn't: she? If she's not now, Terry will make sure she is by the end of the evening. -If she's not now, Terry will make sure she is by the end of the evening. Has he asked to see the book yet? -Has he asked to see the book yet? Yes. -Yes. And? Are you going to tell him? -And? Are you going to tell him? No. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. -No. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. Neither do I. -Sara, my arm. I'm stuck, honey. I guess you're going to have to chew it off then. -You had another one, didn't you? You have to see a doctor, Grady. First thing Monday morning. All right? Is the thing -- is it over? -Is the thing -- is it over? Almost. Want to sit up? What's the matter? -Almost. Want to sit up? What's the matter? Nothing. I think I twisted my -- -Well... Don't. I know what you're going to say. -Don't. I know what you're going to say. No, really, Sara, I don't think you -- -No, really, Sara, I don't think you -- You love Emily. I know that. And you need to stay with her. -You love Emily. I know that. And you need to stay with her. I don't think I really have a choice in, that. Emily left me. -I don't think I really have a choice in, that. Emily left me. She'll come back. That's why I'm going to... to not have this baby. -Not have it. No. There's no way. I mean, don't you think there's no way? -No. There's no way. I mean, don't you think there's no way? Well, no, I don't see any way. And I know how hard it is for you to -- to lose this chance. -Well, no, I don't see any way. And I know how hard it is for you to -- to lose this chance. "No you don't. And fuck you for saying you do. And fuck you for ""saying... ...for saying there's just no way. Because there could be a way, Grady." -Who's gun is that? It's -- it's a souvenir. Of Baltimore. -Heavy. Smells like gunpowder. Caps. -Pow. You got me. -You got me. I love you, Grady. -I can't believe you hung up on me, you dick. Totally. I'm sorry. A lot was happening this morning. Can you talk? -Walter's on campus, being the good soldier for WordFest. But he's a basket case. Someone stole Marilyn's jacket last night. And Poe's missing, too. I heard. -I heard. You heard? How? -You heard? How? A twelve-year-old policeman came by the house this morning. -A twelve-year-old policeman came by the house this morning. Did you confess? -Your fingerprints were all over the bedroom. Really? That was fast. -Really? That was fast. I'm kidding. Hello? -I'm kidding. Hello? Oh. Right. Ha. Listen, about last night. There is something I need to tell... -Oh. Right. Ha. Listen, about last night. There is something I need to tell... Are you limping? Why are you limping? -Are you limping? Why are you limping? Hub? Oh, well, that's part of what I need to... -Hub? Oh, well, that's part of what I need to... Did you pass out again, Grady? Did you fall somewhere? -Did you pass out again, Grady? Did you fall somewhere? No. I mean. Well, actually, yes. Sort of. I don't remember. Listen, Sara, I have to tell you something. -No. I mean. Well, actually, yes. Sort of. I don't remember. Listen, Sara, I have to tell you something. All right. -Gee, Grady, that sounded so heartfelt. I don't know whether to swoon or smirk. Really, Sara, I... -I believe you. I believe you want to be with me. But this is not just about me anymore. I know that. I know what's at stake here... -I know that. I know what's at stake here... No, I don't think you do. And besides... I haven't decided yet. -No, I don't think you do. And besides... I haven't decided yet. About the baby. -About the baby. That... and you. -Who's that sitting in your car? James Leer. -James Leer. What's he doing out there? -What's he doing out there? I'm sort of helping him work through some issues. -Sara. I tried to call, but apparently there's something wrong... -Oh? It seems one of our students is -- missing and his parents found a dead dog in his bed. -It seems one of our students is -- missing and his parents found a dead dog in his bed. I'm sorry, Sara. I've been trying to tell you. It's all my -- -I'm not very happy with you right now, Grady. But more importantly, Walter's not very happy and he's gotten the police involved. They seem to think James Leer is somehow responsible for all of this. You wouldn't happen to know where James is, would you, Grady? Inside. -Inside. And the jacket? -And the jacket? Over there. In the backseat of the... -Someone stole my car. Grady. -Grady. Honestly. Someone stole my car. I parked it right there last night. -Honestly. Someone stole my car. I parked it right there last night. Are you sure you parked it there? -Are you sure you parked it there? Of course, I'm sure. Ah, Christ, the puberty police are back. -This is not what the university has in mind when it promises a liberal education, Grady. Would Walter really press charges? -Would Walter really press charges? It's within the realm. He takes his souvenirs pretty seriously. And he was just a wee bit prickly this morning. -You didn't happen to call the house last night, did you, Grady? I think I might have. -I think I might have. And what do you think you might have said? -And what do you think you might have said? I think I might've said I was in love with you. -He told you. He told me. -He told me. And what did you say? -And what did you say? I said it didn't sound like you. -I'm so glad to see you, Sara. I believe you. Did that nice doctor let you out? Or is this you improvising again, Grady? -I believe you. Did that nice doctor let you out? Or is this you improvising again, Grady? I'm through improvising. -I'm through improvising. Terry told me about Wonder Boys. Is it true? Did you lose it all? -Terry told me about Wonder Boys. Is it true? Did you lose it all? I lost it all. -I lost it all. Oh, Grady. You're such a putz. -Oh, Grady. You're such a putz. I know. -I know. And you're old. -Ouch. How many? Dozens. It's very sad. -I went and looked at some babies just now. Oh? -Oh? I guess you have to go on faith. -I guess you have to go on faith. Some times... -Did you tell Walter? I told Walter. -I told Walter. Does he still love you? -Does he still love you? It didn't come up. -Did you just make that up? In the hospital. I was kind of excited about it at the time, but then I was on pretty heavy painkillers. -You don't deserve me, you know. I know, but sometimes... -The more the merrier. Terry was telling me about you on the plane. It was all so interesting. -That perfume you're wearing, Antonia. It wouldn't happen to be Cristaile, would it? Why yes. How did you know? -Why yes. How did you know? Lucky guess. -That's a nice greenhouse. It's Mrs. Gaskell's. Her hobby. -Who's he barking at now? He's still barking at me. He's blind. -I need a ride. I'm your man. -Couldn't he have just thrown a shoe at the poor thing? James is... I don't know... -James is... I don't know... Disturbed. And when your friend Crabtree gets done with him, he's going to be even more disturbed. -Disturbed. And when your friend Crabtree gets done with him, he's going to be even more disturbed. I'm not sure that's possible. -I'm not sure that's possible. Sure it is. -Listen, Antonia -- Tony. Now that I'm home. -Tony. Now that I'm home. Tony. I'm sorry if things didn't work out so well for you tonight. With Terry. -Tony. I'm sorry if things didn't work out so well for you tonight. With Terry. Forget it. I should've known better. Your friend is just, I don't know, into collecting weird tricks. Mind? -He's writing his name in water. What's that? -What's that? Like most editors, he really wants to be a writer, but he's too busy living a novel to bother writing one. -Like most editors, he really wants to be a writer, but he's too busy living a novel to bother writing one. That sounds like a fancy excuse for being a shit. -That sounds like a fancy excuse for being a shit. He'd call it habit. But now... I get the feeling he's going through the motions a bit. -You mean because his career's ruined and all? Jesus. Is that what he told you? -Jesus. Is that what he told you? He said he hasn't had a success in ten years and everyone in New York thinks he's kind of a... -That's nice. All we have is a Japanese beetle trap. It's a bathtub. What she's standing under. -Walter? Yes? -Who's this ? It's Grady, Walter. -It's Grady, Walter. Grady? -Grady? GRADY Tripp. English Department. -GRADY Tripp. English Department. I know it's you, Grady, I just... Christ, Grady, do you know what time it is? -I know it's you, Grady, I just... Christ, Grady, do you know what time it is? I have... eight-fifteen. That's not right, is it? -I have... eight-fifteen. That's not right, is it? It's three-thirty, Grady. -It's three-thirty, Grady. This is important. -This is important. Oh? -Oh? I... I... -I... I... What is it, Grady? -What is it, Grady? I'm in love with your wife. -I'm in love with your wife. Excuse me? -Excuse me? Sara. I'm in love with her. -No. Nevertheless, I'd like to see you in my office Monday morning. -No. I guess you're here for the backpack. Oh... yeah. -Is it good? I don't know. It might be... -Say, Professor Tripp, is all that stuff true about Errol Flynn? How he used to put coke on his dick. To make himself, you know, like, last longer? Christ, Traxler. How the hell should I know? -Christ, Traxler. How the hell should I know? Well, jeez, you're reading his biography, aren't you? -Oh, right. Yeah, that's true. He used to rub all kinds of things on it. Paprika. Ground lamb. Sick. -Who's that guy? Her husband. -What exactly are we doing here, Professor Tripp? Taking the long way home. -Yo, Traxler. Hey, Professor Tripp. -Do you get high, Sam? Only when I'm working. -Holy shit. Are you serious? As a heart attack. -As a heart attack. Thanks -- Whoa, Professor Tripp, careful here... -Yes. He's a good kid. Maybe a little messed up. Well, I'm sure with the proper guidance he'll be fine. -What made you pull out that old thing? I was thinking of you. -I was thinking of you. And? -And? It's no Arsonist's Daughter, but I guess you know that. It's a young man's book. It got me remembering how it felt to be young. -It's no Arsonist's Daughter, but I guess you know that. It's a young man's book. It got me remembering how it felt to be young. Maybe I should read it. -Maybe I should read it. Oh, I don't think there's any danger of you aging prematurely, Grady. -Where's Emily, Hank? I don't know if she'd want me to tell you that, Grady. -I don't know if she'd want me to tell you that, Grady. I'm not going to stalk her. Hank. I just... want to know where I stand. -Where you stand? I -- just want to say I'm sorry. -I -- just want to say I'm sorry. She's in Philadelphia seeing Linda Aahby. The neurologist. -She's in Philadelphia seeing Linda Aahby. The neurologist. Neurologist? Why? What's wrong? -Neurologist? Why? What's wrong? Nothing's wrong. They went to Wellesley together. -Nothing's wrong. They went to Wellesley together. Oh. Right. Linda... I haven't been doing a lot of sleeping lately. My editor's in town and I have the book to finish and -- -Oh. Right. Linda... I haven't been doing a lot of sleeping lately. My editor's in town and I have the book to finish and -- Ah, right. The book. -Listen, Hank, I'm sorry about all this. I didn't come here to upset you and Irene. I want you to know that. Why did you come here, Grady? -"I -- just wanted to see her, I guess -- Emily. And to see you too -- you and Irene. And to let everyone know that, even though it may be difficult to comprehend now, this -- everything that's happening -- it's not forever. It doesn't mean ""Goodbye.""" Give me a break, Grady. -Well, there's always people you don't know at these things, but I can't say there was anybody particularly suspicious... Wait. There was one guy. Tiny fella. Claimed to be a jockey. A jockey? You mean, like -- -A jockey? You mean, like -- Horses, right. Vernon something... Hardapple. -Hardapple? I could be wrong. What happened anyway? -I could be wrong. What happened anyway? Huh? Oh, someone pulled a B&E on Dr. Gaskell's closet. And the dog's missing. -Huh? Oh, someone pulled a B&E on Dr. Gaskell's closet. And the dog's missing. That's weird. -That's weird. We figure the perpetrator let him out. He's blind and we figure he just wandered off and got run over. -We figure the perpetrator let him out. He's blind and we figure he just wandered off and got run over. The perpetrator. -The perpetrator. No, the dog. -No, the dog. Just kidding. -One other thing. About this kid, this student of yours -- Leer -- James Leer. You wouldn't know how I could get in touch with him, would you? I might have his number on campus. -I might have his number on campus. That's all right. We'll find him. -Are you riding with me, James? No, I'm going ho -- -George Sanders? Mr. Crabtree was saying how George Sanders killed himself, only he couldn't remember how. -Mr. Crabtree was saying how George Sanders killed himself, only he couldn't remember how. Pills. August 25, 1972. In a Costa Brava hotel room. -There's so many... Just a few then. The big ones. -Pier Angeli, 1971 or '72, also pills. Charles Boyer, 1978, pills again. Charles Butterworth, 1946, I think. In a car. Supposedly it was an accident, but, you know... He was distraught. Dorothy Dandridge, she took pills in, like, 1965. Albert Dekker, 1968, he hung himself. He wrote his suicide note in lipstick on his stomach. Alan Ladd, '64, more pills, Carole Landis, pills again, I forget when. George Reeves, Superman on TV, shot himself. Jean Seberg, pills of course, 1979. Everett Sioane -- he was good -- pills. Margaret Sullavan, pills, Lupe Velez, a lot of pills. Gig Young. He shot himself and his wife in 1978. There are more but I don't know if you would have heard of them. Ross Alexander? Clara Blandick? Maggie McNamara? Gia Scaia? I haven't heard of half of those. -I could swear I had a '63 Chateau Latour in here. You haven't seen it, have you? I doubt I'd recognize a '63 Chateau Latour if I was sitting on it. -I doubt I'd recognize a '63 Chateau Latour if I was sitting on it. You'd recognize it if you tasted it. -You'd recognize it if you tasted it. I doubt it, darling. -I doubt it, darling. Well, Q certainly will. And, given that he will be addressing 500 people in little over an hour... -Well, Q certainly will. And, given that he will be addressing 500 people in little over an hour... You want to keep him happy. -You want to keep him happy. If he's happy... I'm happy. -Don't need to think fast to handle beer. Took some talking to convince your super I was a relative. -Took some talking to convince your super I was a relative. I told her all my relatives are good- looking. -You look good, damn good, considering you're an old man now! Seems like the whole world's gotten younger. -You doing okay? Got a job at old Frank's place. His son runs it now. -Got a job at old Frank's place. His son runs it now. Oh man, that kid takes himself real serious. -Oh man, that kid takes himself real serious. Yeah, you still with Northland? -Yeah, you still with Northland? Foreman now. -Foreman now. No shit. -No shit. Five years. -Five years. Beautiful. How's business? -Beautiful. How's business? Booming. Lots of building going on. We can't keep up with all the work. In fact, I just hired a few new guys... -I'll never forget you got me started there. I just recommended you. You still had to prove yourself. -Hey, is that a school? K through sixth. -Living across the street from a grade school. Jesus. Something wrong with that? -Something wrong with that? I was just thinking of... the noise. -I was just thinking of... the noise. I like the noise. -One hundred and twenty feet. What? -What? Law says I can't come within one hundred feet of where children congregate. I figure the distance from my window to the school is one hundred and twenty. Make a bet? -Law says I can't come within one hundred feet of where children congregate. I figure the distance from my window to the school is one hundred and twenty. Make a bet? No way, man, you'd rob me blind! -But maybe it's not so healthy being so close, you know, to a school. You find me a decent place for under three hundred a month in this town, and I'll happily move out of this crap neighborhood. -I should go. Your sister worries, and when she worries she yells. How is she? -How is she? Annette? She's good... tense. -Annette? She's good... tense. When can I see her? -When can I see her? I'm working on it. -I'm working on it. Is it because of Anna? -Is it because of Anna? I don't know. She won't talk about it. -I don't know. She won't talk about it. You're the only one in the family who still talks to me. -You're the only one in the family who still talks to me. "I remember when they all referred to me as ""the little spic poor Annette married."" Except her brother. You treated me with respect. Look, you paid your dues. Your slate is clean now." -"I remember when they all referred to me as ""the little spic poor Annette married."" Except her brother. You treated me with respect. Look, you paid your dues. Your slate is clean now." How old is Anna? -How old is Anna? She'll be twelve next week. We're throwing a big party on Saturday. Wish I could ask you to come... -She'll be twelve next week. We're throwing a big party on Saturday. Wish I could ask you to come... Only if it's no closer than a hundred feet. -What are you doing? This little table is one heavy bitch. -Cherry. Huh? -Huh? It's made from cherry. That's a hard wood. -It's made from cherry. That's a hard wood. It's a nice table. -Notice the grain. See how deep and rich the red runs? Yeah. It's really nice. -It's my own design. You won't find another table like it in the world. It was a beautiful present. -It was a beautiful present. Then why the fuck are you giving it back to me?! -Then why the fuck are you giving it back to me?! You need a table. -You need a table. She was going to throw it out, wasn't she? Just toss it like a scrap of wood. -She was going to throw it out, wasn't she? Just toss it like a scrap of wood. It wasn't like that. -It wasn't like that. Then what? What?! -Then what? What?! She's got all this new furniture now. She said it didn't fit anymore, so I kept it in the attic. I thought you might like it. -She's got all this new furniture now. She said it didn't fit anymore, so I kept it in the attic. I thought you might like it. I made that table for you and Annette, for your wedding. I put a lot of love into it. -I made that table for you and Annette, for your wedding. I put a lot of love into it. I know, man. I love this table too. But I also love my wife. -What's happening? Mariners are pounding the shit out of the Tigers. -Fucking Mariners. Fucking Tigers. They got no pitching except for a bunch of green kids straight out of Double A or Southern Cal. How was the party? -Fucking Tigers. They got no pitching except for a bunch of green kids straight out of Double A or Southern Cal. How was the party? What party? -What party? The birthday party. -The birthday party. Oh, Anna's. It was great, man. Anna was so pretty. She looked like a princess, like one of those girls in a fairy tale, you know, like Snow White. -I've got some pictures. Want to see? No thanks. -No thanks. Ah, come on. -Ah, come on. I don't want to see any goddamn pictures. -I've got some good news. What's that? -What's that? Annette will see you. -Aren't you glad? When? -When? Soon. -Soon. Next week? The week after? -Next week? The week after? Early July. -Anna will be away at camp. The house will be quiet. It's better when it's quiet. Tell Annette I'm busy in July. -Tell Annette I'm busy in July. C'mon, Walter. -C'mon, Walter. You should see my appointment book. It got crazy. -You should see my appointment book. It got crazy. It's not what you think. -It's not what you think. Isn't it? -Isn't it? The important thing is that you and Annette need to talk. She needs to see you, and you need to see her. -The important thing is that you and Annette need to talk. She needs to see you, and you need to see her. I'm not a monster. -I'm not a monster. You're a good man, Walter. Okay, you did some wrong things, but inside you're a good, decent man. -You're a good man, Walter. Okay, you did some wrong things, but inside you're a good, decent man. Maybe I'm not a good man. Maybe inside I'm bad, and I'll always be bad. -Maybe I'm not a good man. Maybe inside I'm bad, and I'll always be bad. Don't talk like that. -I get horny as hell for other women. I mean I fantasize about raping some beautiful woman. You don't have to tell me this. -You don't have to tell me this. I'm just talking, man. -I'm just talking, man. Carlos, I never raped a woman. -Carlos, I never raped a woman. I know. I'm just saying I understand. -It's crazy out there. Young girls wearing mini this and mini that. Sometimes when I walk down the street and pass some sexy looking woman, she makes me feel like I'm bothering her. She stares down like she's afraid to look at me. Why she do that? Why can't she look me in the face? Maybe because you're looking her in the face. -Carlos, can I ask you something? Sure. -Sure. Nothing. -Nothing. Ask me. Ask me anything. -Ask me. Ask me anything. Did you ever... Do you have feelings for Anna? -What do you mean? I mean... feelings. -What are you looking at? Birds. -Birds. There's a million birds here. -There's a million birds here. In that birch tree is a nest. -There's little chicks! You want to see? Sure. -They're starlings. Is that right? -Is that right? I don't like starlings. -I don't like starlings. Why not? -Why not? They're extremely aggressive birds. Plus, their habits are rather filthy. -They're extremely aggressive birds. Plus, their habits are rather filthy. The mother sure has her hands full. -You always carry these? When I go bird-watching. It's why I like coming here. -When I go bird-watching. It's why I like coming here. It's just a city park. -It's just a city park. You'd be surprised how many kinds of birds you'll see here. Last week I saw a purple martin. And the week before that, I saw a solitary vireo. That's rare. -You'd be surprised how many kinds of birds you'll see here. Last week I saw a purple martin. And the week before that, I saw a solitary vireo. That's rare. A solitary vireo. I like that one. -A solitary vireo. I like that one. Their sound is quite musical. -Their sound is quite musical. How does it sound? -How does it sound? It's hard to describe. -It's hard to describe. Try. -Try. I can't. -I can't. I bet you can. -I'd love to hear it. It's a bright sound. -Something like that. That was terrific. -That was terrific. You should hear the bird. -You should hear the bird. You live around here? -You live around here? Not too far. Are you a bird-watcher too? -Not too far. Are you a bird-watcher too? Me? Nah. I'm more of a people watcher. -Me? Nah. I'm more of a people watcher. Were you watching me? -Were you watching me? Not at first. You would stare at the tops of the trees so intently. Any second I thought you would take off and fly. -Not at first. You would stare at the tops of the trees so intently. Any second I thought you would take off and fly. I have to go. -I have to go. Do you come here often? -Do you come here often? My daddy likes me home before dark. -My daddy likes me home before dark. It's good to listen to your daddy. -See anything interesting? Not yet. -What are you writing in that book? It's my bird book. -Don't you have friends? I have friends. -I have friends. A pretty girl like you should have a lot of friends. -A pretty girl like you should have a lot of friends. I'm not pretty. -I'm not pretty. Well... not in the common way. -What does that mean? It means uncommon beauty is commonly overlooked. Most people only notice birds with the brightest colors. -You tell me your name, I'll tell you mine. Robin. -Hiya, Walter. Cop. -What's up? Have a seat. -You don't know? I have no idea. -I have no idea. I think you do. -I think you do. Why don't you just tell me? -I haven't broken any laws. Then you won't mind if I look around. -Then you won't mind if I look around. I would. -I would. Got something to hide? -Got something to hide? Doesn't everybody? -Doesn't everybody? I could get a search warrant. -I could get a search warrant. If you could, you would have brought one today. -Cherry? Yeah. -Yeah. Unusual design for a contemporary piece. -It's not for sale. Who said I wanted to buy it? -And when you sit by the window, watching the girls in the little cotton skirts parade by, do you wave your wanger at the girls? Is that when you jerk off? You can't talk to me like -- -You can't talk to me like -- Like a piece of shit? In my eyes, you are a piece of shit. Think anyone would miss you if I threw you out the window right now? I could say you jumped when I came in. Who are they going to believe? Not you, because you'd be a dead piece of shit. -Okay? Okay. -Too much sun. What? -Your ivy. Too much direct sunlight. These plants don't like a lot of sun. They grow outside, don't they? -They grow outside, don't they? Sure they do. But outside they've got trees around them. The trees shade them from the sun. Of course, the plants enrich the soil around the trees. One of nature's symbiotic relationships. -Sure they do. But outside they've got trees around them. The trees shade them from the sun. Of course, the plants enrich the soil around the trees. One of nature's symbiotic relationships. You going to take me on a nature walk? -You going to take me on a nature walk? Don't be witty. Yesterday you took the number twelve bus from work, but instead of getting off at your normal stop, for some reason you stayed on. Why did you stay on the bus, Walter? -Don't be witty. Yesterday you took the number twelve bus from work, but instead of getting off at your normal stop, for some reason you stayed on. Why did you stay on the bus, Walter? I fell asleep. -You walked home. Yes. -"This one guy on death row, who I'll call Henry, told me about his last victim. Henry says how he's in the bedroom of a seven-year-old cutie named Adele. Her mother's in the living room watching TV. She's got the volume on so damn high he can hear David Letterman's jokes. Henry puts his hand over Adele's mouth and says, ""If you scream, little girl, I'll kill your mother."" And of course little Adele doesn't scream, doesn't cry, doesn't make a sound. Then he takes her hand and out they go through the front door. Ten days later they find Adele's body. Or what's left of it. You believe in fairy tales?" Fairy tales? -Fairy tales? Do you believe in them? -Do you believe in them? No. -No. Neither do I. What's the one with the woodsman? -Neither do I. What's the one with the woodsman? Woodsman? -Woodsman? The one with the ax? -The one with the ax? I don't know. -I don't know. Sure you do. He cuts open the wolf's stomach, and the girl steps out alive. -Sure you do. He cuts open the wolf's stomach, and the girl steps out alive. Little Red Riding Hood. -Little Red Riding Hood. That's it. Little Red Riding Hood jumps out of the wolf's guts with hardly a scratch. Ever see a seven-year-old girl sodomized almost in half? -You knew her? What? -What? The girl. -You don't know? Know what? -Know what? I'll be asking the questions. Last night, you hear anything unusual? Screams? Shouts? -I'll be asking the questions. Last night, you hear anything unusual? Screams? Shouts? No. -No. A man was badly beaten across the street. You know anything about that? -A man was badly beaten across the street. You know anything about that? I was asleep. -I was asleep. I didn't say what time the assault occurred. -I didn't say what time the assault occurred. You said last night. I went to bed pretty early. -You said last night. I went to bed pretty early. The assault took place at approximately seven thirty. -The assault took place at approximately seven thirty. I went to bed around seven. -I wasn't feeling well. I could take you downtown. -I could take you downtown. You could. It'd be a waste of your time, though. -He I.D.'d the assailant. The description matches you pretty well. I suppose if you're looking for a male between the ages of thirty and fifty, medium height, medium weight, medium build. Probably not too many men fit that bill. -I suppose if you're looking for a male between the ages of thirty and fifty, medium height, medium weight, medium build. Probably not too many men fit that bill. Just give me a straight answer, Walter, cause the irony goes right over my head. -That's a nasty scratch on your neck. I have a passionate girlfriend. -I have a passionate girlfriend. What's with the boxes? -What's with the boxes? You're a cop. Figure it out. -You're a cop. Figure it out. I'd say you're moving. -I'd say you're moving. It's a free country, isn't it? -The passionate one? Yes. -Yes. Then I'd say you're a lucky fellow. -Then I'd say you're a lucky fellow. I count my blessings. -I count my blessings. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you. -You sure you don't know nothing about this? 'Fraid not. -So. How are you adjusting? I'm adjusting okay. -I'm adjusting okay. And your new apartment? -And your new apartment? Apartment's okay. -Apartment's okay. Are you taking your medication? -Are you taking your medication? It gives me headaches. -It gives me headaches. But you are taking it? -But you are taking it? Yeah. -Sergeant Lucas. May I come in? You are in. -I'd keep away from him. What? -What? The new man. I'd keep away from him, if I were you. -The new man. I'd keep away from him, if I were you. Why's that? -Why's that? You don't want to know, but he's damaged goods -- real damaged goods, if you know what I mean. -You don't want to know, but he's damaged goods -- real damaged goods, if you know what I mean. Yeah, Mary-Kay, I think I do. Thanks a bunch for the advice. -Just trying to be helpful. Well, Mary, you're about as helpful as a broken sewer pipe. You do know what runs out of a sewer pipe, don't you? -Have you seen Walter? Lovers' quarrel? -People have the right to know. If she's here tomorrow, I'll fucking kill her. -Yeah, like the bird. Can I ask how old you are? -Can I ask how old you are? I'm twelve. -I'm twelve. No you're not. -No you're not. I will be in three months. I can't wait. I hate being eleven. It has to be the stupidest age in the world. -Walter. Do you have many friends? -Do you have many friends? No. -No. How come? -How come? A long time ago, I was sent far away. When they let me come back, all my friends were gone. -A long time ago, I was sent far away. When they let me come back, all my friends were gone. It sounds like you were banished. -It sounds like you were banished. Banished... yeah. -Banished... yeah. Birds are my friends. That sounds egotistical, but they are. Birds know I watch them, but they don't mind because they like being watched... if they know you won't hurt them. -Birds are my friends. That sounds egotistical, but they are. Birds know I watch them, but they don't mind because they like being watched... if they know you won't hurt them. Robin? -Robin? Yes? -Yes? Would you like to sit on my lap? -What? Would you like to sit on my lap? -Would you like to sit on my lap? No thank you. -No thank you. Are you sure? -Are you sure? I'm sure. Thank you all the same. -I'm sure. Thank you all the same. That's okay... doesn't matter. -That's okay... doesn't matter. Do you want me to sit on your lap? -I know a place in the park where only very small birds go. There are no people or dogs or ugly crows and pigeons. It's quiet except for the song of these tiny sparrowlike birds. Would you like me to take you there? They sound like finches. -They sound like finches. They could be finches. I don't know. We should go before it gets dark. -My daddy lets me sit on his lap. Does he? -Does he? Yes. -Yes. Do you like it when he asks you? -What's her name? Ms. Kramer. -Ms. Kramer. Tell Ms. Kramer what your daddy does. -Tell Ms. Kramer what your daddy does. I can't. -I can't. Yes you can, Robin. -You said you couldn't make the sound of a solitary vireo. But you did. Beautifully. I heard you. What will happen if I do? -What will happen if I do? Someone will talk to your daddy. And then he'll stop doing those things... the things you don't like. -But will he... ? Your daddy will always love you. -Your daddy will always love you. How do you know? -How do you know? I know because... it's just something I know. -I know because... it's just something I know. I don't want to hurt my daddy. -I don't want to hurt my daddy. Robin, listen to me. -Walter? Yes? -Yes? Do you still want me to sit on your lap? -No. I don't mind. -I don't mind. You should go home. -You should go home. Can't I stay a little longer? -Can't I stay a little longer? It's getting dark. Go home. -It's getting dark. Go home. Will I see you again? -And how's your job? The job's okay. -The job's okay. "Do I take ""okay"" to mean you feel good about working there?" -"Do I take ""okay"" to mean you feel good about working there?" I said the job is okay. -I said the job is okay. That's right, you did. Have you made any friends there? -That's right, you did. Have you made any friends there? I'm not running for Mr. Popularity. -I'm not running for Mr. Popularity. You seem a little hostile today. -You seem a little hostile today. That was a joke. -It's called sarcasm, Dr. Rosen. No need to call me doctor. I'm a therapist, not a psychiatrist. -No need to call me doctor. I'm a therapist, not a psychiatrist. It's all the same. -Walter, I'd like you to try something for me. What? -What? I'd like you to keep a journal. -I'd like you to keep a journal. A diary? -A diary? That's right. -That's right. No way. -No way. Why not? -Why not? Diaries have sent too many guys to prison. -Diaries have sent too many guys to prison. I don't understand. -I don't understand. Ev-i-dence. -Ev-i-dence. Oh. It never crossed my mind. -Oh. It never crossed my mind. Of course. -Of course. It was just an idea. -It was just an idea. Bad idea. -Bad idea. I thought a journal would encourage you to reflect. -I thought a journal would encourage you to reflect. Reflect. -Reflect. That's right. -That's right. You think reflection is good. -You think reflection is good. It's very good, indeed. -It's very good, indeed. How's that? -How's that? By reflection we can derive a deeper meaning from our experience in life. We gain greater understanding about ourselves that can lead to making better choices in our relationships, our careers, and our goals. -Try it. No fucking way. -No fucking way. Then think about it. -How's the journal? I'm still thinking about it. -I'm still thinking about it. I wish you'd give it a try. -You don't like coming here, do you? It's okay. -It's okay. But you don't like coming here. Be honest, Walter. -But you don't like coming here. Be honest, Walter. Honest? No. -Honest? No. Good. That's an honest answer. And why don't you like coming here? -Good. That's an honest answer. And why don't you like coming here? Honest? Your cheery personality makes my skin itch. -Honest? Your cheery personality makes my skin itch. Is it just my cheery personality that makes your skin itch? -Is it just my cheery personality that makes your skin itch? Forget it. -Forget it. Maybe it's the way I look. Or the sound of my name. -Maybe it's the way I look. Or the sound of my name. Rosen? I don't have a problem with that. -Rosen? I don't have a problem with that. Because if you did, I know a therapist named Ryan. I also know a therapist named Chung. -Because if you did, I know a therapist named Ryan. I also know a therapist named Chung. I don't need someone else. -How do you feel about that? I don't feel anything. -I don't feel anything. You have no feelings for your niece? -You have no feelings for your niece? She was born after they put me away. How can I have feelings? -She was born after they put me away. How can I have feelings? Then why are you talking about this? -Then why are you talking about this? Have to talk about something. -Have to talk about something. What are you afraid will happen? -What are you afraid will happen? I'm not afraid. I'm just saying that Carlos has a thing for his daughter, and if he isn't careful he's going to suffer. -I'm not afraid. I'm just saying that Carlos has a thing for his daughter, and if he isn't careful he's going to suffer. Have you talked to Carlos about your concerns? -Have you talked to Carlos about your concerns? I'm not that crazy. -I'm not that crazy. Do you think you're crazy? -Do you think you're crazy? If I'm not, then what the hell am I doing here? -If I'm not, then what the hell am I doing here? Why do you think you're here? -Why do you think you're here? You know why. It's part of the parole deal. -You know why. It's part of the parole deal. Is that what you are angry about? -Is that what you are angry about? Talking to you is like riding on a merry-go-round. -Talking to you is like riding on a merry-go-round. That is a marvelous image, Walter. Because by going in circles we find the things we missed the first time around. -How long is this going to take? We have a few more minutes. -We have a few more minutes. I mean, when will I be normal. -I mean, when will I be normal. We have a lot of work to do. -We have a lot of work to do. Will I ever be normal? -Will I ever be normal? I couldn't say. -I couldn't say. You couldn't say. -You couldn't say. I'm afraid not. -I'm afraid not. "Do you know what ""normal"" is?" -"Do you know what ""normal"" is?" I suppose it's however society defines it. -I suppose it's however society defines it. How do you define it? -How do you define it? I don't. -I don't. Then how do you know if your patients are getting better? -Then how do you know if your patients are getting better? They usually tell me. -They usually tell me. How do they know? -How do they know? What is your idea of being normal? -What is your idea of being normal? What is your idea of being a Jew? -What is your idea of being a Jew? Whatever my ideas are of being a Jew is not going to help you. Why don't we continue this on Thursday. -Whatever my ideas are of being a Jew is not going to help you. Why don't we continue this on Thursday. I want to be normal! -I want to be normal! Then go see a therapist who will tell you you're normal! -Then go see a therapist who will tell you you're normal! Fuck you, Rosen! -Fuck you, Rosen! I know -- -I know -- You don't know! -You don't know! I know you're frustrated, Walter, but -- -I don't know. What did you think would happen? -What did you think would happen? I don't know. -I don't know. What did you want to happen? -What did you want to happen? I don't know! -You know that if anything happens, I spend the rest of my life in prison. No parole, no nothing. Is this the first one? -Is this the first one? Of course it is! That's why I'm telling you! -Of course it is! That's why I'm telling you! I want you to calm down. -Walter, we'll pick up here next time. I want to talk about it now. -I want to talk about it now. We'll talk about it more on Thursday. -We'll talk about it more on Thursday. "Remember when you asked me what my idea of ""normal"" was?" -"Remember when you asked me what my idea of ""normal"" was?" Go home, Walter. -Go home, Walter. Now I know. It's when I can see a girl, be near a girl, even talk to a girl... and walk away. That's my idea of being normal. -You're very late. Sorry. -Sorry. Please don't do it again. -Please don't do it again. I said I was sorry. -I said I was sorry. I can't move my patients around to accommodate one person. -When did it all start? You mean my problem? -You mean my problem? "If by ""problem"" you mean your desire for prepubescent girls, yes." -"If by ""problem"" you mean your desire for prepubescent girls, yes." I don't know. -I don't know. That's not a helpful answer. -That's not a helpful answer. That's my answer. -Close your eyes. What? -What? I'd like you to close your eyes. -I'd like you to close your eyes. Why? -Why? To relax. -To relax. I'm relaxed. -I'm relaxed. Close your eyes and let your mind be blank. -Close your eyes and let your mind be blank. Hey, Rosen, you going to hypnotize me? -No, I am not going to -- Okay. Eyes closed, mind a blank. I'm all yours. Do it, Rosen. -"When I say the word ""girl"" what is the earliest image that you can remember?" Nothing. Can I open my eyes? -Nothing. Can I open my eyes? "No. When I say the word ""pretty,"" when I say the word ""pleasure,"" what is the earliest memory you see?" -"No. When I say the word ""pretty,"" when I say the word ""pleasure,"" what is the earliest memory you see?" I don't see -- -I don't see -- In your mind, Walter. Take your time. -Who do you see? I see my sister. -Where is she? What is she doing? How old -- Not so fast. -Not so fast. Sorry. Where is she? -Sorry. Where is she? In my bedroom, sleeping. -In my bedroom, sleeping. Where? -Where? In my bed, Rosen. Where do you think? -In my bed, Rosen. Where do you think? Where are you? -Where are you? In my bed too. -In my bed too. How old are you and your sister? -How old are you and your sister? We're little kids. -We're little kids. But roughly, how old? -But roughly, how old? I'm maybe about six... which would make her four. -And what are you doing? Just lying there. We're taking a nap. -Just lying there. We're taking a nap. A nap? -A nap? Yes, a nap. Kids do that. You ever take a nap, Rosen? -What the hell are you doing there? Did you and your sister often take naps together? -Did you and your sister often take naps together? I want you back in your chair! Right now! -Don't ever do that again. All right. -All right. I don't like nobody behind my back! -I don't like nobody behind my back! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been there. -Walter, what did you do while taking a nap with your sister? Nothing. -Nothing. Did you touch her? Did you take off her clothes? Did you take off your clothes? -Did you touch her? Did you take off her clothes? Did you take off your clothes? This is garbage! -This is garbage! I'm only asking questions. -I'm only asking questions. Okay I'll tell you what I did -- just to shut you up! I smelled her hair. -Okay I'll tell you what I did -- just to shut you up! I smelled her hair. What else? -What else? That's all. I just liked smelling her hair. -That's all. I just liked smelling her hair. You felt pleasure. -You felt pleasure. Yes. -Did you get an erection? I was six years old! -I was six years old! I meant later... when you two took naps. -When the two of you held each other. When you were ten or eleven and she was eight or nine. When your parents were out and the two of you were alone... completely alone in that big house. It was a small house. -It was a small house. All right. A small house... with small rooms. -All right. A small house... with small rooms. I smelled her hair. That's it. I just liked smelling her hair. -She's still really hurt... and angry. I don't know... if she will ever... forgive me. I understand that. I do. I just hope... I just want her to... Accept you? -It's going to take time, Walter. Time. -Time. How do you feel about that? -How do you feel about that? I feel... okay. -What? Are you okay? -Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fucking fantastic. -Want a ride? I'm all right. -I'm all right. It's fucking freezing out here. -There's something wrong with this picture. What picture? -What picture? I'm talking about you. -I'm talking about you. Me? -Me? Yeah, you. -Here's this nice, hard working guy who suddenly appears out of the blue and rides the bus to and from work. I mean, who rides the bus anymore? People without cars. -Very weird. No weirder than a sharp, young, good- looking woman working in a lumberyard. -No weirder than a sharp, young, good- looking woman working in a lumberyard. What's weird about that? -What's weird about that? Most women wouldn't choose it. -Most women wouldn't choose it. Guess I'm not like most women. -You're quiet at work. I'm just quiet. -I'm just quiet. You don't hang out with the other guys. -You don't hang out with the other guys. Neither do you. -Neither do you. They're all assholes. -You never spoke to me before. I thought you were a dyke. -Are you? What do you think? -Southern light. What? -What? Your windows face south. Northern light is the purest. But southern light is very good. -Your windows face south. Northern light is the purest. But southern light is very good. I'll buy a plant. -I'll buy a plant. You should buy several. I've got shitty light in my place, but my plants don't seem to mind. Light's important, but it's not everything. -You plan to drink both those beers? Sorry. -Is that a school? K through sixth. -K through sixth. Doesn't it get noisy? -Doesn't it get noisy? I like the noise. -I like the noise. My place faces a truck street. I've got cracks in every window from the shaking. -My place faces a truck street. I've got cracks in every window from the shaking. You must hate it. -You must hate it. I go backpacking a lot. Lose myself in the wilderness for a week or two. -What about bears? What about them? -What about them? They could eat you. -They could eat you. Yeah, they could. -I thought you were just shy, but now I think it's something else. What? -What? You're damaged. -Something happened to you. Yeah? -I'm not easily shocked. I get that impression. -I get that impression. So... what's your dark secret? -So... what's your dark secret? Why do you want to know? -Why do you want to know? Don't you think I should know before we have sex? -So? What? -What? Are you going to tell me your deep dark secret before we have sex? -So, you're not a dyke. Not tonight. -Hey, that was... intense. You're still here. -You're still here. I didn't say I didn't enjoy it. -I didn't say I didn't enjoy it. Of course. Sorry. I'm such a fucking asshole. -Of course. Sorry. I'm such a fucking asshole. No you're not. -No you're not. Don't tell me I'm not a fucking asshole when I know I'm a fucking asshole! -What's the problem? You think I have a problem? -You think I have a problem? Do you? -Do you? It's been a while since... -It's been a while since... Since you've had sex? -Tell me about it. Maybe later. -Maybe later. How about in the morning. -How about in the morning. The morning? -The morning? I thought I'd stay the night. -I thought I'd stay the night. What for? -What for? Well, Walter, this is going to sound off-the-wall, but I like to sleep with a man after we fuck. -Did I say something wrong? I suffer from insomnia. -I suffer from insomnia. Is that all? -Is that all? When I do sleep, I sweat a lot. Usually I get nightmares and wake up screaming. -When I do sleep, I sweat a lot. Usually I get nightmares and wake up screaming. I sleep like a dead horse. Anything else? -Hey, there. Hi. -Why do you want to know? Because I like you. -What's the worst thing you ever did? The worst? -The worst? Yeah. -So, what did you do? I molested little girls. -I molested little girls. Molested little girls? -Molested little girls? Yeah. -You're not joking. Twelve years in prison is no joke. -Look, you can go now. How many girls did you molest? -Sorry. What did you do to them? -What did you do to them? It's not what you think. -It's not what you think. How young? -How young? Between ten and twelve. Once a nine- year-old told me she was eleven. Once a fourteen-year-old told me she was twelve. I always asked how old they were. -I never hurt them. Never. Twelve years in prison? -Twelve years in prison? The judge had a thing about sex offenders. Later I heard his daughter had been raped. If I hadn't had a good lawyer, it would have been twenty- five to thirty. -Why don't you just go now, okay? I told you I'm not easily shocked. -I told you I'm not easily shocked. You should be shocked. Or do you get off on this shit? -You should be shocked. Or do you get off on this shit? What? -What? Get your kicks somewhere else. -Get your kicks somewhere else. Hey, I'm not -- -Hey, I'm not -- Depraved? My mistake. -Depraved? My mistake. Walter. -You don't molest little girls anymore, do you? No. Never again. -What was prison like? You don't really -- -You don't really -- Yes! I want to know. -You mean the time you're locked away? No. Prison is time. That's it. You think time, you feel time, you hear time. Your heart doesn't beat to live, it just beats... time. -No. Prison is time. That's it. You think time, you feel time, you hear time. Your heart doesn't beat to live, it just beats... time. I'm sorry, Walter. -I'm sorry, Walter. Don't be sorry for me. I did those things. No one else did. I'm dealing with that. -My father took me fishing here when I was a kid. He could name every fish in the lake. And for every fish he named, he had a fishing story. I hated fishing, but I loved his stories. Sounds like a special guy. -Sounds like a special guy. My father was an alcoholic who drank himself right into the grave. -I've changed. Why young girls, Walter? -Is it their innocence? Their beauty?... Their power. They seduce me. -Their power. They seduce me. They seduce you? -They seduce you? I was always the one seduced. -I was always the one seduced. You really believe that? -You really believe that? No. That's what I used to tell myself. -No. That's what I used to tell myself. And what do you tell yourself now? -And what do you tell yourself now? Nothing. It's over. -Nothing. It's over. Bullshit. -You know, this is crazy. What? -What? Being here, with me. -Being here, with me. I know. -I know. Most people say the odds are against me. -Most people say the odds are against me. What odds? -What odds? The percentages -- -For men like me. They say most of us end up back... there. I'm saying there are risks... seeing me. Well, most people are stupid. You want to talk about odds? One day I'll tell you how I survived as the youngest in a family of three sons. You wanna talk about odds? -Well, most people are stupid. You want to talk about odds? One day I'll tell you how I survived as the youngest in a family of three sons. You wanna talk about odds? Why not tell me now? -I got poked around... here and there. Which brother did this? -Which brother did this? All three -- in chronological order. -All three -- in chronological order. You must hate your brothers. -You must hate your brothers. I love my brothers. -I love my brothers. No you don't. -No you don't. I love all of them. They're strong, gentle men with families of their own. And if you asked them about what they did to me, they'd call you a fucking liar and then beat the shit out of you. -I love all of them. They're strong, gentle men with families of their own. And if you asked them about what they did to me, they'd call you a fucking liar and then beat the shit out of you. You never asked them about it? -You never asked them about it? Are you serious? -Are you serious? Not ever? -Not ever? Not ever. -Maybe this isn't a good idea. What? -What? Us seeing each other. -You're scared. I'm not scared. -I'm not scared. Neither am I. -Neither am I. Maybe you should be. -We should live together. Live together. -Live together. Move in with me. -It's a bad idea. I think it's a fucking good idea. -I don't even know how to live with myself. Just think about it. -Just think about it. I've got problems. -I've got problems. Who doesn't? -Who doesn't? Most people don't have my kind of problems. -Most people don't have my kind of problems. Guess that makes you pretty special. -Guess that makes you pretty special. That's not what I meant. -I say we call it quits. Fine. -What's this? What's it look like? -I don't need a plant. Everyone needs a plant. This ivy is one tough baby. It's a cutting from one of mine. -Thank you. You're such an asshole. -Don't be scared, Walter. I'm not scared. -I'm not scared. Prove it. -Don't do that. Do what? -Do what? Sneak up behind me like that. -Sneak up behind me like that. What's your fucking problem? -What's your fucking problem? Why's it always my fucking problem? -What's going on? Nothing. -I didn't sleep well. Do you want to talk about it? -Do you want to talk about it? I need a shower. -You okay? Yeah. -Yeah. Fucking liar. -I heard they were filthy birds. Not when they fly. -Goddamnit! D'you tell him we need it right now? I told him we had to get the umbilical unhooked ASAP. -This ain't no drill, slick. Make me proud. Piece of cake, baby. -Right through the brainpan. Deader'n dogshit, boss. Where're you? -Gimme a three-eighths socket on a long extension. So there you were-- There we were, side by side, on the same ship, for two months. I'm tool-pusher and we're testing this automated derrick of hers. So, we get back on the beach and... we're living together. -There we were, side by side, on the same ship, for two months. I'm tool-pusher and we're testing this automated derrick of hers. So, we get back on the beach and... we're living together. Doesn't mean you had to marry her. -Doesn't mean you had to marry her. We were due to go back out on the same ship. Six months of tests. If you were married you got a state-room. Otherwise it was bunks. -We were due to go back out on the same ship. Six months of tests. If you were married you got a state-room. Otherwise it was bunks. Okay, good reason. Then what? -Okay, good reason. Then what? It was alright for a while, you know. But then she got promoted to project engineer on this thing, couple years ago. -It was alright for a while, you know. But then she got promoted to project engineer on this thing, couple years ago. She went front-office on you. Tighten that for me, right there. That's it. -She went front-office on you. Tighten that for me, right there. That's it. Well, you know Lindsey, too damn aggressive-- Son of a--!! -You done impressing yourself, ace? No way that could just be seawater. -She-hit. We're being asked to cooperate in a matter of national security. Now you know exactly as much as I do. So just get your gear off and get up to control. There's some kind of briefing in ten minutes. -How you guys doing? I'm alright, I'm dealing. -You got it?! You got it? Yeah, yeah... yeah. It's turning. -Benthic Explorer, Benthic Explorer. Do you read, over? This is Deepcore-- Forget it, Sonny. They're gone. -Nice shot, Lins. What is that? You drop your dive light? -Bud! Hippy's on the bitch-box. It's a call from topside. That new company man. Kirkhill? That guy doesn't know his butt from a rathole. Hey, Perry! -What's goin' on, Boss? Folks, I've just been told to shut down the hole and prepare to move the rig. -Okay so far. How deep's the drop-off here? -Where are we? Missile compartment. Those are the launch tubes. -Lord Almighty. Hey, you okay? -Deep and slow, big guy. Deep and slow. Just breathe easy. I... they're all dead, Bud. They're all dead. I thought... some of them... you know... -I... they're all dead, Bud. They're all dead. I thought... some of them... you know... I'm taking you back out. -I'm taking you back out. No! I'm okay now. I just don't... I can't go any further in. -Okay, Jammer. No problem. You stay right here. I have to go there to the end... you'll see my lights. We'll stay in voice contact. Just hold onto the rope. Five more minutes. Okay? Yeah, okay. Okay. -Thanks. How you feeling, big guy? Figured I was dead, there, when I seen that angel comin' toward me. -I can't believe you let them do this! Hi, Lins. I thought you were in Houston. -Hi, Lins. I thought you were in Houston. I was, but I managed to bum a ride on the last flight out here. Only here isn't where I left it, is it, Bud? -I was, but I managed to bum a ride on the last flight out here. Only here isn't where I left it, is it, Bud? Wasn't up to me. -Wasn't up to me. We were that close to proving a submersible drilling platform could work. We had over seven thousand feet of hole down for Chrissake. I can't believe you let them grab my rig! -We were that close to proving a submersible drilling platform could work. We had over seven thousand feet of hole down for Chrissake. I can't believe you let them grab my rig! Your rig? -Your rig? My rig. I designed the damn thing. -My rig. I designed the damn thing. Yup, a Benthic Petroleum paid for it. So as long as they're hold the pink slip, I go where they tell me. -Yup, a Benthic Petroleum paid for it. So as long as they're hold the pink slip, I go where they tell me. You wimp. I had a lot riding on this. They bought you... more like least rented you cheap-- -You wimp. I had a lot riding on this. They bought you... more like least rented you cheap-- I'm switching off now. -I'm switching off now. Virgil, you wiener! You never could stand up to fight. You-- -Well, well. Mrs. Brigman. Not for long. -You never did like being called that, did you? Not even when it meant something. Is that One Night up in Flatbed? -Not even when it meant something. Is that One Night up in Flatbed? Who else? -I can't believe you were dumb enough to come down. Now you're stuck here for the storm... dumb, hot-rod... dumb. Look, I didn't come down here to fight. -You need me. Nobody knows the systems on this rig better than I do. What is something was to go wrong after the Explorer clears off? What would have you done? Wow, you're right! Us poor dumb ol' boys might've had to think for ourselves. Coulda been a disaster. -You wanna know what I think? Not particularly. Jeez, look where this is set! Morons. -I think you were worried about me. That must be it. -No, I think you were. Come on, admit it. I was worried about the rig. I've got over four years invested in this project. -I was worried about the rig. I've got over four years invested in this project. Oh, yeah, right... and you only had three years with me. -What are you still wearing that for? I don't know. Divorce ain't final. Forgot to take it off. -I haven't worn mine in months. Yeah, what's-his-name wouldn't like it. The Suit. -Yeah, what's-his-name wouldn't like it. The Suit. Do you always have to call him that? The Suit? It makes you sound like such a hick. His name is Michael. -"So what about ""Michael"" then... Mr. Brooks Brothers... Mr. BMW. You still seeing him?" No, I haven't seen him in a few weeks. -No, I haven't seen him in a few weeks. What happened? -What happened? Bud, why are you doing this? It's not part of you life any more. -Bud, why are you doing this? It's not part of you life any more. I'll tell you what happened... you woke up one day and realized the guy never made you laugh. -I'll tell you what happened... you woke up one day and realized the guy never made you laugh. You're right, Bud. It was just that simple. Aren't you clever? You should get your own show... Ask Dr. Bud, advice to the lovelorn from three hundred fathoms. -Did you get anything on the cameras. Video or anything? No. Look, forget it. I don't want to talk about it. -No. Look, forget it. I don't want to talk about it. Fine. Be that way. -Fine. Be that way. I don't know what I saw. Okay? Coffey wants to call it a Russian submersible, fine. It's a Russian submersible. No problem. -I don't know what I saw. Okay? Coffey wants to call it a Russian submersible, fine. It's a Russian submersible. No problem. But you think it's something else. What? One of ours? -But you think it's something else. What? One of ours? No. -No. Whose then? Lindsey? Talk to me... -Jammer saw something in there, something that scared the hell out him-- His mixture got screwed up. He panicked and pranged his regulator. -His mixture got screwed up. He panicked and pranged his regulator. But what did he see that made him panic? -But what did he see that made him panic? What do you think he saw? -What do you think he saw? I don't know. I DON'T KNOW! -Hippy, just relax. You're making the women nervous. Cute, Virgil. -What's the scoop, ace? I can get power to this module and sub-bay if I remote these busses. I've gotta get past the mains, which are a total melt-down. -Need some help? Thanks. No, I can handle it. Bud... there won't be enough to run the heaters. In a couple hours this place is going to be as cold as a meat locker. -Thanks. No, I can handle it. Bud... there won't be enough to run the heaters. In a couple hours this place is going to be as cold as a meat locker. What about O-2? -What about O-2? Brace yourself. We've got about 12 hours worth if we close off the sections we're not using. -Brace yourself. We've got about 12 hours worth if we close off the sections we're not using. The storm's gonna last longer than 12 hours. -The storm's gonna last longer than 12 hours. I can extend that. There's some storage tanks outboard on the wrecked module. I'll have to go outside to tie onto them. -Hey, Lins... I'm glad your here. Yeah? Well I'm not. -Come on, you guys... look, this is the little one right here. You can see how it's kind of zigging around. If you say so. It could be anything. -If you say so. It could be anything. I'm telling you what is there. You're just not hearing. The impulses somehow aren't getting from you ears to your brainpan. There's something down there. Something not... us. -Jesus, Lindsey-- Bud, something really important is happening here. -Bud, something really important is happening here. Look. I'm just trying to hold this situation together. I can't allow you to cause this kind of hysteria-- -Look. I'm just trying to hold this situation together. I can't allow you to cause this kind of hysteria-- Who's hysterical? Nobody's hysterical! -All I'm saying is when you're hanging on by your fingernails, you don't go waving you arms around. I saw something! I'm not going to go back there and say I didn't see it when I did. I'm sorry. -I saw something! I'm not going to go back there and say I didn't see it when I did. I'm sorry. God, you are the most stubborn woman I ever knew. -God, you are the most stubborn woman I ever knew. I need you to believe me, Bud. Look at me. Do I seem stressed out? Any of the symptoms of pressure sickness, any tremors, slurred speech? -I need you to believe me, Bud. Look at me. Do I seem stressed out? Any of the symptoms of pressure sickness, any tremors, slurred speech? No. -No. Bud, this is me, Lindsey. Okay? You know me better than anybody in the world. Now watch my lips... I saw these things. I touched one of them. And it wasn't some clunky steel can like we would build... it glided. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. -It was a machine, but it seems almost alive. Like a... dance of light. Bud, you have to trust me... please. I don't think they mean us harm. I don't know how I know that, it's just a feeling. How can I go on a feeling? You think Coffey's going to go on you 'feeling'? -How can I go on a feeling? You think Coffey's going to go on you 'feeling'? We all see what we want to see... Coffey looks and he sees Russians, he sees hate and fear. Bud, you have to look with better eyes than that. -Look, goddamnit, if you won't do something about it, I will. Lindsey! Wait a second-- -You dumb jarhead motherf-- Chill out, Lindsey!! -He's got the shakes? Look, the guy's operating on his own, cut off from chain of command. He's exhibiting symptoms of pressure-induced psychosis. And he's got a nuclear weapon. So, as a personal favor to me... will you put your tongue in neutral for a while? -I think it likes you. It's trying to communicate. -They must've learned how to control water... I mean at a molecular level. They can plasticize it, polymerize it... whatever. Put it under intelligent control. Maybe their whole technology is based on that. Controlling water. -He's jammed the mechanism. Now what? -Okay, I'm gonna free-swim to hatch six... get inside, get the door open from the other side. Bud, that water's only a couple degrees above freezing. -Bud, that water's only a couple degrees above freezing. Then I guess you better wish me luck, huh? -You owe me one, Virgil. Can we negotiate later? There's Big Geek. -You did okay, back there. I was fairly impressed. Not good enough. We still gotta catch Big Geek. -Not good enough. We still gotta catch Big Geek. Not in this thing. -You totaled it, huh? Yeah. So sue me. -It's flooding like a son of the bitch. You noticed. -Try again. Deepcore, this is Cab One. We need assistance, over. Deepcore, this-- -Well, that's that. Wonderful. There's some light from somewhere... -Good hundred yards, I'd say. They'll come out after us. -They'll come out after us. Yeah, but it's gonna take them a while to find us. We better get this flooding stopped. -You see where it's coming in? Somewhere behind this panel. Hold this. -Can't get to it. Have to pull this panel off. You go any tools? I don't know, look around. -Son of a bitch! Calm down, Bud. -Okay... okay. We gotta get you out of here. How? -How? I don't know how! -I don't know how! We've only got one suit. -We've only got one suit. I know! I know! But we better come up with something. -I know! I know! But we better come up with something. Aaargh!! I'm freezing! -Okay, look, you swim to the rig and come back with another suit. Seven, eight minute swim each way... not enough time. Look at this... Time I get back you'll be-- -Alright, put this on. What, you growing gills all of a sudden? You got it on, keep it on. -What, you growing gills all of a sudden? You got it on, keep it on. Don't argue, goddamnit, just-- -Don't argue, goddamnit, just-- No way! Forget it. Not an option. -Lindsey, just put the thing on and shut up-- NO!! Now be logical, Bud, you're-- -NO!! Now be logical, Bud, you're-- FUCK LOGIC!! -Listen... will you listen to me for a second!? You're for the suit on and you're a better swimmer than me. Right? So I got a plan... What's the plan? -What's the plan? I drown, you tow me back to the rig-- -I drown, you tow me back to the rig-- WHAT KIND OF PLAN IS THAT!?? -It is insane. It's the only way, Bud. Now trust me. -Oh God, Lins... I-- Tell me later. -Hey... big boys don't cry, remember? Hi, lady. -Hi, lady. Hi, tough guy. I guess it worked, huh? -Hi, tough guy. I guess it worked, huh? 'Course is worked. You're never wrong, are you? How d'you feel. -'Course is worked. You're never wrong, are you? How d'you feel. I've been better. Next time it's your turn, okay? -No, Bud, no... not you. Who then? -Hello, Brigman. Hello, Mrs. Brigman. -We'll take reading as we go. If the reactor's breached or the warheads have released radioactive debris, we'll back away. Simple. Okay... Hippy's not going... McWhirter, you can run Little Geek. -Look, it's three AM. These guys are running on bad coffee and four hours sleep. You better start cutting them some slack. I can't afford slack, Brigman. -I can't afford slack, Brigman. Hey, you come on my rig, you don't talk to me, you start ordering my guys around. It won't work. You gotta know how to handle these people... we have a certain way of doing things here. -Hey, you come on my rig, you don't talk to me, you start ordering my guys around. It won't work. You gotta know how to handle these people... we have a certain way of doing things here. I'm not interested in your way of doing things. Just get your team ready to dive. -We'll go in through that large breach. Let's go, guys. -Coffey, we're a little pressed for time. Monk, Schoenick... secure the package. -Did you find Wilhite? No. -Virgil? God, I hate that bitch. -God, I hate that bitch. Yeah, well you never should have married her then. -Just get around so your lights are on the hatch. Check. Then I just hang with these guys, right? -What's the matter with you? Now we're right in the middle of this big-time international incident. Like the Cuban Missile Crisis or something. -No, I mean it. Those SEALs aren't telling us diddly. Something's going on. Hippy, you think everything's a conspiracy. -Hippy, you think everything's a conspiracy. Everything is. -That's Perry. That's it then. Finler, McWhirter, Dietz, and Perry. Jesus. -That's it then. Finler, McWhirter, Dietz, and Perry. Jesus. Do we just leave him there? -Do we just leave him there? Yeah, for now. Our first priority's to get something to breathe. -Come on, man. What else could it be? Why bring it here? -Why bring it here? It's gotta be, like, an emergency plan to keep it away from the Russians... Hotwire one of the nukes with some kinda detonator, put it back in the sub, and fry the whole thing, slicker'n snot. Oh, uh... hi, Lins. -Lins, stay away from that guy. I mean it. Yeah. The dude's in bad shape... you see his hands? -Go to the infirmary... get the cart .. oxygen... de-fib kit... adrenaline in a... ten cc syringe... and some... heating blankets. You got all that? Got it. Over. -Got it. Over. Meet me in the moonpool. Move fast. -Is that it? Is this right? Yeah! I mean, I don't know... it looks right. -Yeah! I mean, I don't know... it looks right. All right. Do it! -Hey, you guys are milking that job. That's cause we love freezin' our butts off out here sooo much, boss. -Triple time sounds like a lotta money, Bud. It ain't. I'm sorry... We're here now. Let's get her done. -He's convulsing! It's his mixture! Too much oxygen! -'Fish'? Yuh? -Yuh? Take the first watch in sonar. Hippy, you handle the exterior surveillance. One Night, see if you can get that transmitter working for me, okay? -Hafta... go on to... the moonpool. Only way. I can't... make it... podner. -Howdy, y'all. Hey, Lindsey! I'll be damned! You shouldn't be down here sweet thing, ya'll might run ya stockings. Couldn't stay away. You running mixture for us? Good. Couldn't ask for better. -Couldn't stay away. You running mixture for us? Good. Couldn't ask for better. Okay, here we go. Start equalizing, y'all. -Cat, you tie onto this manifold. There's some tanks on the other side; I'm gonna go check them out. You watch yourself. -You better not say you missed that. Missed what? -Y'all could be more specific. Not us. Not human. Get it? Something non- human, but intelligent... -I think they're from 'you know'. Some place that has similar conditions... cold, intense pressure. No light. Happy as hogs in a waller down there, prob'ly. -We should be dead. We didn't decompress. Out blood oughta be fizzin' like a warm, shook- up Coke. -Those guys ain't so tough. I fought plenty of guys tougher'n them. Now we get to hear about how he used to be a contender. -Hippy, you pussy. What good's the money if your dick drops off in six months? -Quiet! Quiet! Turn it up, bozo. -Are we talkin' little space friend here? Right on! Hot rods of the Gods. Right, Lins? Hey, no really! It could be NTIs. The CIA has known about them for years. They abduct people all the time. There was this woman I knew in Albuquerque who-- -That thing was probably their version of Big Geek... like an ROV. Just checking is out, huh? How come? -SHIT! Give me that!! -Lady, we better fish or cut bait. Just hold your water, okay? So Kirkhill, we gonna do this or we gonna talk about it? -Get comfortable. The bad news is we got six hours in this can, blowing down. The worse news is it's gonna take us three weeks to decompress back to the surface later. We've been fully briefed, Mrs. Brigman. -We've been fully briefed, Mrs. Brigman. Don't call me that, okay... I hate that. Alright, from now on we watch each other closely for signs of HPNS... -Look, we've all made chamber runs to this depth. We're checked out. Oh... chamber runs. Uh huh, that's good. Well, hey... you guys know any songs? -Cab One, do you see it yet? The magnetometer is pegged. Side-scan is showing a big return, but I don't see anything yet. Are you sure you got the depth right on this? -Cab One, radiation readings? Neutron counter's not showing very much. -Neutron counter's not showing very much. Wilhite, anything? -Copy that, continuing forward. You just want me to get shots of everything, right? Roger, document as much as you can, but keep moving. We're on a tight timeline. -Roger, document as much as you can, but keep moving. We're on a tight timeline. Copy that. -Radiation is nominal. The warheads must still be intact. How many are there? -How many are there? 24 Trident missiles. Eight MIRVs per missile. -24 Trident missiles. Eight MIRVs per missile. That's 192 warheads... And how powerful are they? -I want 'round-the-clock manning of the sonar shack and the exterior cameras. We need early warning if the Soviet craft try another incursion. Gimme a break! Coffey, these things live three and a half miles down on the bottom of an abyssal trench! Trust me... they're not speaking Russian. -You've got some huevos bringing this... thing... into my rig! With everything that's been going on up in the world, you bring a nuclear weapon in here? Does this strike anyone as particularly psychotic, or is it just me? You don't need to know the details of this mission... you're better off if you don't. -You don't need to know the details of this mission... you're better off if you don't. You're right... I don't. I just need to know that this thing is out of here! You hear me, Roger Ramjet? -You're right... I don't. I just need to know that this thing is out of here! You hear me, Roger Ramjet? Mrs. Brigman, you're becoming a serious impediment to this mission. I believe the stress is affecting you. Escort her to quarters and have Monk prepare a tranquilizer. -Deepcore, Deepcore... this is Cab Three on final approach. Gotcha, Cab Three. Who is that? That You, Lindsey? -Cab Three, check. Right behind you. What's you depth, Cab Three? -What's you depth, Cab Three? 1840... 50... 60... 70... -1840... 50... 60... 70... Going over the wall. Coming to bearing 065. Everybody stay tight and in sight. -Figured that out for yourself, did you? We got Russian subs creeping around. Shit! Something goes wrong they could say anything happened down here, man. Give our folks medals, know what I mean? -A non-terrestrial intelligence. Non-Terrestrial Intelligence. NTIs. Yeah, I like that better then UFOs. Although that works too... Underwater Flying Objects. -Look, you can just punch into his little chip where you want him to go, and he goes, right? Well, yeah, but the tether off it ain't gonna be fancy. When he gets down there he'll just sit, like a dumb-shit. Unless something wanders through view of the camera, you'll get nada. -Well, yeah, but the tether off it ain't gonna be fancy. When he gets down there he'll just sit, like a dumb-shit. Unless something wanders through view of the camera, you'll get nada. Let's go for it. We could get lucky. -No. Just you and me. We get some proof, then tell them. Hippy, look... if was can prove to Coffey it's not Russians, maybe he'll ease off the button a little. I gotta tell you, that guy scares me a lot more than whatever's down there. A.J. Squared Away goddamn jarhead robot. Okay, gimme a couple hours on this. -Schoenick... your Lieutenant is about to make a real bad career move... That guy's crazier'n a shithouse rat! -He can't get to the door... I think he's going to try and take him himself. He couldn't be that dumb. The guy's a trained killer. Bud's idea of a fight is arm-wrestling One Night over laundry duty. -12000 feet. Jesus, I don't believe he's doing this. Shut up, Hippy. Bud, how you doing? -Uh, oh... What kind of luminous things, Bud? -Fluid breathing system. We just got them. We use it if we need to go really deep. How deep? -How deep? Deep. It's classified... you know. Anyway, you breathe liquid, so you can't be compressed. Pressure doesn't get to you. -Hey! Check this out. -Stand by on the ROV. Perry, stand by on the ROV. Sorry about this, little buddy. Better you than me, know what I mean? -Getting a reading? It's twitching but it's below the line you said was safe. -You boss is having a full-on meltdown. Guy's fixing to pull the pin on fifty kilotons and we're all ringside! What's the timer set for? -High-Pressure Nervous Syndrome. Muscle tremors, usually in the hands first. Nausea, increased excitability, disorientation. Very good. About one person in twenty just can't handle it. They go buggo. They're no way to predict who's susceptible, so stay alert. -4800 feet. It's official. Bud, according to Monk here, you just set a record for the deepest suit dive. Bet you didn't think you'd be doing this when you got up this morning. -8500 feet, Bud. Everything okay? Ask him a pressure effects. Tremors, vision problems, euphoria. -Ask him a pressure effects. Tremors, vision problems, euphoria. Ensign Monk want to know how you feel. -He's losing it. Talk to him. Keep him with us. Bud, it's the pressure. Try to concentrate. Concentrate on my voice. Just listen to my voice. -He can still make it. I know how alone you feel... alone in all that cold blackness... but I'm there in the dark with you, Bud you're not alone... -What kind of light? He's hallucinating badly. -Would we see the flash? Through three miles of water? I don't know. -But your friend is waiting downstairs. She'll wait. -When do you have to go back? I don't know... It depends on Ettore... He's now in the process of negotiating for a contract here in Sicily... -I don't know... It depends on Ettore... He's now in the process of negotiating for a contract here in Sicily... Then how come you're not with him? -Then how come you're not with him? What a question... Because I want to be with you, naturally. I hope he doesn't close the deal so he'll leave me alone at least for a few days... Isn't this water wonderful! -I'd like to find a place where I can get some peace and rest, maybe around here somewhere. I'd like to try... What could be more restful than this?... Excuse me, what is it that you want to try? -How are you? Fine. Can't you see so yourself? -Anna... Maybe it would be better to wait a while. Wait for what? -Sandro... A month is too long a time. I have become used to being without you. You'll get over it soon. It's the usual anxiety. -You'll get over it soon. It's the usual anxiety. A little more so this time. -A little more so this time. So, it will just take you a little longer to get over it. -So, it will just take you a little longer to get over it. But I think we should talk about it. Or are you fully convinced that we too won't understand each other? -But I think we should talk about it. Or are you fully convinced that we too won't understand each other? There will be plenty of time to talk about it later. We'll get married soon. That way we'll have more time... -There will be plenty of time to talk about it later. We'll get married soon. That way we'll have more time... In this case, getting married means nothing. Aren't we already the same as being married? And Corrado and Giulia -- aren't they already the same as being married? -In this case, getting married means nothing. Aren't we already the same as being married? And Corrado and Giulia -- aren't they already the same as being married? But why rattle your brains by arguing and talking... Believe me, Anna, words never help at all. They only serve to confuse. I love you, Anna. Isn't I that enough? -But why rattle your brains by arguing and talking... Believe me, Anna, words never help at all. They only serve to confuse. I love you, Anna. Isn't I that enough? No. It's not enough... I told you before that I would like to get away for a while and be alone. -No. It's not enough... I told you before that I would like to get away for a while and be alone. But you just said that a month was too... -But you just said that a month was too... I mean, to stay away longer -- two months... a year... three years... Yes, I know, it sounds absurd. And I feel awful. The very idea of losing you makes me want to die... And yet... I... I just don't have the same feeling for you any more. -I mean, to stay away longer -- two months... a year... three years... Yes, I know, it sounds absurd. And I feel awful. The very idea of losing you makes me want to die... And yet... I... I just don't have the same feeling for you any more. And what about yesterday... at my house... didn't you have any feeling for me, even then? -And what about yesterday... at my house... didn't you have any feeling for me, even then? There you go... Must you always spoil everything! -But where are you going? I'm thirsty. -I'm thirsty. If I had a man waiting for me for half an hour and whom I hadn't seen for a month ... -You know, I could just as well go without seeing him today. What! After giving us such a run around... -Did you sleep well? Yes, fairly well. But I went to bed last night planning to do some thinking about a number of things ... instead, I fell asleep. -Yes, fairly well. But I went to bed last night planning to do some thinking about a number of things ... instead, I fell asleep. I didn't know one could sleep so well on a yacht. It lulls you ... -Which one shall I wear? This one is gorgeous. -This one is gorgeous. Then why don't you try it on? -Claudia, aren't you coming? I'm certainly not going to swim across. -I'm certainly not going to swim across. We'll send the raft back to you. -Isn't it fashionable any more to put on a sailor's cap with the name of the yacht? No, Dad, it isn't. -And how long will you be away? Four or five days. -Four or five days. Oh, very well. I'll just spend the weekend alone by myself and take a little rest. I should be used to it by now. -Used to what? To the fact of my retirement, not only as a diplomat but also as a father. -To the fact of my retirement, not only as a diplomat but also as a father. But how could you say such a thing? -But how could you say such a thing? Because it's true. After thirty years -- not having ever spoken the truth to anyone, I should at least allow myself to do so with my own daughter. -Because it's true. After thirty years -- not having ever spoken the truth to anyone, I should at least allow myself to do so with my own daughter. And have you any other truths to tell me? -And have you any other truths to tell me? You already know what they are. -You already know what they are. You mean Sandro, don't you? Well, I beg of you, please, spare me that. Goodbye, Dad. -Up until now, Dad, I've been the one who hasn't wanted to marry him. It's the same thing. Goodbye, dear. -I presume by this method that you'll be able to uncover some new clue, either a handkerchief or an article of clothing... In other words, something which your men have not been able to find as yet. Without any doubt, sir. If anything belonging to the girl who has run away is still here on this island... -Without any doubt, sir. If anything belonging to the girl who has run away is still here on this island... Allow me to inform you that my daughter is not a fugitive. -Allow me to inform you that my daughter is not a fugitive. I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to put it that way. But, you must understand, sir, that I... -I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to put it that way. But, you must understand, sir, that I... I understand very well. Only I don't want any rash assumptions to be made. -This looks to me like a good sign. Don't you think so? As far as I'm concerned, anyone who reads the Bible could not have committed an act of impropriety. Why... as a matter of fact, I remember when I was in China, many years ago, I happened to be involved in a similar situation, concerning an English woman, the wife of Ambassador Shafford, a good friend of mine. There, too, we found a Bible... And I said at the time that whatever had happened, that clue alone had definitely ruled out the possibility of... suicide. Why, it was logical, I said, that whoever reads the Bible believes in God and therefore... No? You don't believe it? Well, as a matter of fact, I was right... The woman was found two days later. It was a case of amnesia. Sir, if you have no objections, may we start the search? -It's already two hours... What are we going to do? It takes about twenty to twenty-two hours for the current to reach here from Lisca Bianca. -These people are contemptible. They have no sense of dignity at all. And you say that came from Lisca Bianca? -And you say that came from Lisca Bianca? It couldn't have come from anywhere else. At least, somewhere from that vicinity... But I really can't understand it. Contraband cigarettes on that island! It's the first time that ever happened. -It couldn't have come from anywhere else. At least, somewhere from that vicinity... But I really can't understand it. Contraband cigarettes on that island! It's the first time that ever happened. Look... I'd like to get back to Lisca Bianca. -Look... I'd like to get back to Lisca Bianca. But how could we...at a time like this when we just... well, let's at least first have a look around the other islands. Could be that something might turn up there. -But how could we...at a time like this when we just... well, let's at least first have a look around the other islands. Could be that something might turn up there. But even here we were supposed to find who knows what... And all we bring back with us is a crate of cigarettes. -But even here we were supposed to find who knows what... And all we bring back with us is a crate of cigarettes. As you wish. -What is that one over there called? That must be Basiluzzo. -That must be Basiluzzo. Sounds like the name of a fish -- merluzzo, basiluzzo... -Say, Claudia, wouldn't you like to climb up with me and take a look over there? At what? -At what? At the ruins. They're very ancient, you know. -Well? Well, what? -Well, what? Have you decided? -Have you decided? All I said was that it sounds like a good idea. -How wonderful! That's Patrizia's way of letting us know she's with us. -I think you're very sweet, Corrado. More so than the shark? -More so than the shark? There's no comparison. -There's no comparison. Then why don't we go up and see the ruins? -Somebody must live here! But Anna wouldn't be staying with the kind of people who live here. -Really! Still, it remains to be seen why she invented a shark. What was her purpose in that? Maybe you'd better ask him. -Maybe you'd better ask him. What were you and Anna arguing about?... Excuse me for being so indiscreet, but this is serious... -I have a feeling that you're not used to being alone. That seems to apply to you also... -Don't be so humble. How should I be ... arrogant? -How should I be ... arrogant? But of course... arrogant, haughty... Hasn't Anna ever told you? -There's nothing much to laugh at. And that's what I say, too. We could have all been killed. -Shall we go for a swim? Oh, no... please... not here. It looks too dangerous. -Twelve years ... But why haven't they married? And why haven't they left each other? -And why haven't they left each other? I'm beginning to have my doubts. It couldn't be that they're in love? -I'm beginning to have my doubts. It couldn't be that they're in love? Could be. They're the kind of people who are capable of anything. -Find anything? No. -As far as I'm concerned, I think she's alive... Why, even this morning... that business about the shark... it wasn't at all true. And why do you tell us this only now? -And why do you tell us this only now? I... I don't know... I didn't think it was worthwhile... She was laughing over it... -Nothing but the usual argument... The only thing was -- if I remember correctly -- that she said she had a need to be alone. And how do you explain that? -Nothing... nothing at all! But why don't you tell him? A girl who was with us has disappeared. -And I suppose it's my fault... Why don't you tell him that too. That's what you believe, isn't it? Rather than being so occupied with my thoughts, you would have been better off trying to understand what Anna was thinking. -Are you feeling better? I'm sorry about last night. Please forgive me. -I'm sorry about last night. Please forgive me. You're very fond of Anna, aren't you? -You're very fond of Anna, aren't you? Yes, very much so. -Yes, very much so. Has she ever spoken to you about me? -Has she ever spoken to you about me? Occasionally, but always with affection. -Occasionally, but always with affection. And yet, she seemed to feel that our love for her -- mine, yours, even her father's, in a certain sense -- weren't enough for her, or didn't mean much to her. -And yet, she seemed to feel that our love for her -- mine, yours, even her father's, in a certain sense -- weren't enough for her, or didn't mean much to her. I know. I keep asking myself what I could have done to prevent all this from happening. -I think that you might go and have a look yourself. Yes, maybe that is better. -Where are you going?... To Montaldo's? Yes. -Yes. Then I'll go with you. -Have you read it?... They're asking for anyone with information to get in touch with them. Yes. I had also thought of going there to talk with them... -Yes. I had also thought of going there to talk with them... Yes, you should go. -Yes, you should go. But then when will we see each other? -Sandro, I don't want you to come with me, I don't want to see you... How can I make it clear to you?...Why did you come? I don't know why. I just couldn't help it. -I don't know why. I just couldn't help it. But sooner or later we've got to end this relationship. And it's better to do it right now. -But sooner or later we've got to end this relationship. And it's better to do it right now. I have no desire to sacrifice myself... It's idiotic to sacrifice oneself... Why?... For whom? If Anna were here I might understand your scruples. But she's not... -I have no desire to sacrifice myself... It's idiotic to sacrifice oneself... Why?... For whom? If Anna were here I might understand your scruples. But she's not... Oh, Sandro... -Oh, Sandro... I'm sorry. I didn't want to sound cynical. But isn't it better to look things squarely in the eye? -I'm sorry. I didn't want to sound cynical. But isn't it better to look things squarely in the eye? For me they are exactly as they were when we met three days ago -- just three days ago... don't you realize? And you and Anna... No, I guess they aren't like that any more. My God, is it possible to forget in such a short time, for things to change so quickly? -For me they are exactly as they were when we met three days ago -- just three days ago... don't you realize? And you and Anna... No, I guess they aren't like that any more. My God, is it possible to forget in such a short time, for things to change so quickly? It takes even less. -It takes even less. But it's so sad. So terribly sad. I'm not used to it, I'm not ready for it... You know... I have never been so upset in my life. Sandro, why don't you help me? -But it's so sad. So terribly sad. I'm not used to it, I'm not ready for it... You know... I have never been so upset in my life. Sandro, why don't you help me? I think the only way to help ourselves, Claudia, is for us to be together. -I think the only way to help ourselves, Claudia, is for us to be together. No, I'm sure it won't. Move over there. Let's make believe nothing happened. And when we get to the next station, get off. -No, I'm sure it won't. Move over there. Let's make believe nothing happened. And when we get to the next station, get off. And what about you? -And what about you? Me... I... I... Please leave me alone. -Claudia, listen to me... No, Sandro, please... I ask you as a favor... -Promise that you won't try to look for me... you shouldn't try to look for me any more... But why, Claudia?... Why? -Any news? Yes... but it's all so conflicting... However, there is some slight indication... -Let's get out of here, fast... This is not a town, it's a cemetery. Who knows why they all left... -Sandro ... maybe it's best that you go in alone. Are you joking? -Are you joking? Don't think that I want to save myself from any embarrassment, from the awkwardness of meeting Anna... It's not that; it's that you can say certain things easier if you're alone. Please, Sandro, do try to understand me... It would look like I was trying to influence you, to force you, to control you... and that makes me feel uncomfortable... -What is it, Claudia? Oh, Sandro... I'm so ashamed of myself, so ashamed...I tried to hide myself...I feel so small... I hate myself ... -Oh, Sandro... I'm so ashamed of myself, so ashamed...I tried to hide myself...I feel so small... I hate myself ... Does it please you to say such things? -Does it please you to say such things? Oh no... It doesn't please me at all... -Oh no... It doesn't please me at all... Then why do you say them? -Then why do you say them? "Because what I'm doing is so ugly ... Because if you told me right now: ""Claudia, I love you,"" I would believe you..." -Good. It's better if it were absurd. That would mean nothing much can be done about it. But just think -- the very same things you had said to her who knows how many times... maybe even just before we left, while I was waiting outside your place... -But just think -- the very same things you had said to her who knows how many times... maybe even just before we left, while I was waiting outside your place... So, even if I did say them, I was sincere with her, as I am now with you. -Really, I've got to stop this business with Ettore... I would like to go back and start working on my own projects again. You know, I had many ideas... And why did you drop them? -And why did you drop them? Once they gave me a job to draw up an estimate for the construction of a school. It took me only a day and a half to finish it, and I got paid six million lire. Ever since then I've been doing estimates for other people's designs. -Why are you looking at me like that? I'm sure you'd be able to design some very lovely things. -I'm sure you'd be able to design some very lovely things. I don't know about that. And then, who's interested in beautiful things nowadays? -Claudia, let's get married? What! Get married? -What! Get married? Yes. We'll get married. You and I. What do you say? -Yes. We'll get married. You and I. What do you say? What do I say? What can I say? No. At least, not yet. I don't know... I can't even think of it... at a time like this... Oh, but why did you have to ask me? -What do I say? What can I say? No. At least, not yet. I don't know... I can't even think of it... at a time like this... Oh, but why did you have to ask me? You look at me as though I had said something foolish... -You look at me as though I had said something foolish... And are you sure you want to marry me? Are you really sure...that you want to marry... me? -And are you sure you want to marry me? Are you really sure...that you want to marry... me? That's why I asked you... -That's why I asked you... So... Oh, how I wish that everything were so much simpler... that people could just come together by the color of their hair or the size of their shoes. What size shoe do you wear? Size 9. That's a very lovely size. But I'm sorry, I wear size 8. -But why am I so infatuated with you? Hurry up now, or it'll begin to get hot outside... -Hurry up now, or it'll begin to get hot outside... Yes, yes, yes, yes... Right away... -And you leave me here all alone... in this hotel room... As soon as you're ready, you can come down and catch up with me. I'll be waiting for you right outside on the square. -But you know it already. Why must I tell you? So, you wonder why? -Then I'll see you later. Okay. In a few minutes. -Sandro ...What's the matter? Nothing. -No, Sandro... Please... Why? -Why? No reason why... -Sandro, wait a moment, just one moment... You seem like an entirely different person ... And aren't you pleased?... That way you'll have a new kind of adventure. -What are you saying? I was only joking, really... Can't I make a joke? And now you've got to tell me why you don't want to. -I was only joking, really... Can't I make a joke? And now you've got to tell me why you don't want to. Oh, Sandro... I want everything you do. But... -Did the hotel manager speak to you about that place nearby? Yes, she started to but I didn't feel like staying to listen to what she had to say. If we had to listen to everybody... -Yes, she started to but I didn't feel like staying to listen to what she had to say. If we had to listen to everybody... No, Sandro... We should go. Besides, we haven't been in touch with anybody. Not even with Anna's father. We should have at least sent a wire or telephoned... let's be fair, he must be feeling awfully lonely. -No, Sandro... We should go. Besides, we haven't been in touch with anybody. Not even with Anna's father. We should have at least sent a wire or telephoned... let's be fair, he must be feeling awfully lonely. I don't doubt it. But at a time like this we're the least suitable persons to be with him. And as far as telephoning him... Who knows where he is? -Sandro, listen... Try not to get yourself too involved tomorrow. Aren't you going to change? -Aren't you going to change? You said you wanted to quit working for Ettore. -Sandro, I'm not coming down. Why? -Why? I'm too sleepy. -I'm too sleepy. Sleep is something one must learn to overcome. I learned how to do it when I was a child. I never slept. And I had friends who even slept less than I did. The one who went to bed first, paid a penalty. And we really didn't do anything. After seeing a movie, we'd go to a cafe and discuss things for a while... then we'd sit down on a bench somewhere... listen to some drunkard... watch them putting up posters or manifestoes...or look at the sheep passing by... or go for a stroll around the market place... Or else we'd go and wake up some girl in the neighborhood by standing in front of her window and calling out her name... -You're that sleepy, eh? What time do expect to get up tomorrow? Late, very late. -Good night, my love. Good night. Tell me that you love me. -Good night. Tell me that you love me. I love you. -I love you. Tell me once more. -Tell me once more. I don't love you. -I don't love you. I deserve it. -Well, with a shark running loose around the place, I for one won't get aboard that raft! They'll have to catch it first. I want to see it right here before my feet, dead or alive. Better dead. -Tell me, Claudia, what do you think of Raimondo? I would say he's pretty depraved. -I would say he's pretty depraved. Oh no; quite the contrary. He's really just a child. -He amuses me. I don't know of anything more amusing. Outside of this jigsaw puzzle. Don't you find it so, Claudia? One would have to be in love with somebody to know that. -One would have to be in love with somebody to know that. Have you ever been in love? -Have you ever been in love? Not really... It's suffocating in here... Shall we go out? -What amazes me, is Sandro. He seems so calm. Calm?... He doesn't seem so to me... He was awake all night. -I'm going with the patrol boat to make a tour around the islands. To do what? -To do what? I just can't leave without first searching those islands, one by one. -I just can't leave without first searching those islands, one by one. But aren't you tired? I can just about manage to stand on my feet! Raimondo! -But where did you finally end up? It was futile. We went all over. -It's divine! You say that just to flatter me. -You say that just to flatter me. Do you consider that a compliment? -Do you consider that a compliment? No. -I'm not coming. But then why did you bother changing? -Shouldn't we try to find a quieter place? Quieter? Oh, yes, of course. -How do you manage to put up with all this confusion? You always said people bore you. You shouldn't always take me seriously. Actually, I'm used to it by now. First my mother and now my husband; both of them are like dynamos. -My childhood, instead, was a very sensible one. What do you mean by sensible? -What do you mean by sensible? It means being without money. -Patrizia... Patrizia ... Where's Ettore? I imagine he must be inside sleeping. -I imagine he must be inside sleeping. Would you please see if Sandro is with him? He's not in his room. I'm sorry to disturb you. -Patrizia, I'm afraid. More or less, we are all afraid. Especially at night. -More or less, we are all afraid. Especially at night. I'm afraid that Anna has come back. I feel she's back, and that they're together. -I'm afraid that Anna has come back. I feel she's back, and that they're together. But what's gotten into you?... We would have known. Sandro must be out in the garden somewhere, taking a breath of fresh air, or watching the break of dawn. It would be a lovely surprise indeed if he turned out to be the sentimental type. -Now, listen. For God's sake, try not to let yourself become obsessed with that idea. Go to your room and get back into bed. Just several days ago, the thought of Anna being dead would have made me sick. And now, I don't even cry, I'm afraid she might be alive. Everything is becoming so damned simple and easy, even to deprive one's self of pain and suffering. -Just several days ago, the thought of Anna being dead would have made me sick. And now, I don't even cry, I'm afraid she might be alive. Everything is becoming so damned simple and easy, even to deprive one's self of pain and suffering. You should never wish to get melodramatic over anything. -You should never wish to get melodramatic over anything. Yes, you're right. I'm sick and tired of being like that. -Who are you talking to? To the shark. -Please, you come too... But for what reason should I come there? -But for what reason should I come there? Please, do come... Don't leave me alone with him. He's capable of... I don't know... Have you noticed his eyes? -They're all nudes, if I'm not mistaken. But why all nudes? -And tell Corrado, too, that I'm here... if he wants me. You can also tell him that my tiny little heart is beating like mad, and that at this moment, it's the only thing that interests me. Is that clear? It couldn't be any clearer. -Now what do I have to do to be left in peace? I think all you have to do, Giulia, is to close the door. -It's as smooth and slick as oil. I detest comparisons made with oil. -At one time the Aeolian isles were all volcanoes. You must know your third grade geography book inside out. -What happened? There's a shark in the area. Don't move from where you are! -There's a shark in the area. Don't move from where you are! Who's moving? -Why didn't you ask me to go with you? "Do you know why? Because if you saw those ruins I'm sure you would have said they were very, very beautiful. You always say ""how beautiful"" to everything -- whether it's the sea, or a baby, or a cat! You have such a sensitive little heart that it throbs for anything." -"Do you know why? Because if you saw those ruins I'm sure you would have said they were very, very beautiful. You always say ""how beautiful"" to everything -- whether it's the sea, or a baby, or a cat! You have such a sensitive little heart that it throbs for anything." But Corrado... If something is beautiful why shouldn't one say so? -But Corrado... If something is beautiful why shouldn't one say so? He never misses a chance to humiliate me, to let me know that he doesn't care about me any more. -He never misses a chance to humiliate me, to let me know that he doesn't care about me any more. Giulia, that remark is not worthy of our twelve years of honest concubinage. I repeat, once and for all, and publicly, that I admire you. Does that please you? -Looks like the weather is changing. Please, Giulia; must you always emphasize the obvious? I can see for myself that the weather is changing. -I'll stay here also. But why?... What if it starts to rain? -But why?... What if it starts to rain? If it rains, I'll buy myself an umbrella. -How did you spend the night?... In that hut?... And what did you have to eat? What do you think? -What do you think? We, too, you know. It was disastrous. First at Panarea, where there weren't any boats... then at Lipari, where everybody was asleep... And the phone call to Rome... -Corrado, why don't you ask them to give it to us as a gift? Really! So that you can stuff it with your geraniums. -But how can you carry on a discussion in this heat? When one approaches fifty, my dear, he is affected only by the cold. -I'm going ashore to take a look around the island. There are some ruins up there... There too... -There too... Well, we're still in Italy, you know! -It's really a fact -- there's nothing new under the sun. Now, look here. Look at this structure... a kind of natural shelter. Sandro, that's how you should design your houses. Me?... I no longer have any interest in building... And, then, where can you find boulders of rock like this in Milan? -Let's try to be practical about this. The best thing to do is for all of you to go to the closest island that has a police station, or something, and report the disappearance. I'll remain here... because... well, I don't know, but it seems to me that something may turn up. Anyway, I just don't feel like leaving. Then let's get started... It's senseless to waste any more time. -Claudia, I know how you feel, but there are already two of us staying... I'll go even further and say that her presence here -- I don't want to sound offensive -- could be a great hindrance. -And what are we going to do now? We'll try again. -Up until now those smugglers were operating only around the Palermo area. This will be a nice surprise for the Lieutenant in Milazzo... Call up headquarters. Bring them up to date and have them give you instructions on what to do with this crate. So... the boat we saw yesterday afternoon might have also been that of these smugglers. Could it be possible, then, that Anna...? -So... the boat we saw yesterday afternoon might have also been that of these smugglers. Could it be possible, then, that Anna...? I wonder where they could have unloaded the stuff ... Maybe right here at Lisca. -I wonder where they could have unloaded the stuff ... Maybe right here at Lisca. I was saying... it might even be possible that Anna had left with them. -I was saying... it might even be possible that Anna had left with them. But for what reason would she have wanted to go away? -But for what reason would she have wanted to go away? Listen, Marshal... As for there being reasons for going away, anyone of us might have three thousand of them. So you can assume that she had them. What I want to know, is it possible that the smugglers might have taken her aboard? -Listen, Marshal... As for there being reasons for going away, anyone of us might have three thousand of them. So you can assume that she had them. What I want to know, is it possible that the smugglers might have taken her aboard? I think it's possible. -And who is this? This is Claudia, Anna's friend... You've never met my husband, have you? -First let the poor thing have something to eat. It wouldn't really do you any harm to skip a meal. -Ettore... What is it? -What is it? Nothing, nothing at all. I was just looking for Sandro. -Nothing, nothing at all. I was just looking for Sandro. And you expect to find him in here? Go and ask Claudia. -And you expect to find him in here? Go and ask Claudia. Yes, yes, of course. -Let's see you dive from the top of those rocks, Giulia. That would be really sensational. Come on, Giulia ... your life is much too circumscribed. What has everybody got against me this morning? -Where is she going? Ask her. -The trouble with you is that nobody can speak to you, that's all. Giulia, don't you understand that the more involved you become with people, the more difficult it is to speak with them? -Giulia, don't you understand that the more involved you become with people, the more difficult it is to speak with them? You men are all so dreadful! -You men are all so dreadful! I know we are. But as the years go by, we become even worse. Isn't that so, Corrado? -Goffredo is the Princess' nephew. He's eighteen years old, the lucky boy. And, what do you know -- he paints. Anybody can hold a brush in his hand. All you need is to buy some oils and start painting. Even Rembrandt did the same. -Giulia... Here I am. -Because there is no landscape as beautiful as a woman. And where do you find the models? -And where do you find the models? Oh, there are as many as one wants. -Oh, there are as many as one wants. I thought the model was something obsolete nowadays. Didn't you, Claudia? -It's strange how anxious women are to display themselves. It's almost a natural inclination. But how could they pose like that? I couldn't. -But how could they pose like that? I couldn't. Why don't you try? -Why don't you try? Me... Goffredo, you're mad! He's mad. -Don't you ever paint men? Answer me, why don't you try posing? I'll paint you a beautiful portrait. -Answer me, why don't you try posing? I'll paint you a beautiful portrait. But why me?... Ask Claudia, she's much more beautiful than me. -But why me?... Ask Claudia, she's much more beautiful than me. But I want to paint you. You appeal to me more. -But I want to paint you. You appeal to me more. I appeal to you more? -They tell me you have a lot of trouble at home. Is that right? Yes, sir. My sister is sick... and my father, too. -Yes, sir. My sister is sick... and my father, too. So that's why you've turned to smuggling, eh? You need the money. Now, I can help you. I can see that you get some assistance from the government. But first there's a little formality we've got to take care of. Just a few questions and then we can all go to lunch... Your friend tells me you dropped anchor three times... -Yes, sir. Three times. Now, we're getting somewhere! They're beginning to contradict each other. Now look here, your friend just swore to me that you weren't able to do any fishing at all because the sea was too rough... And what about the other boat? -Now, we're getting somewhere! They're beginning to contradict each other. Now look here, your friend just swore to me that you weren't able to do any fishing at all because the sea was too rough... And what about the other boat? What other boat? -What other boat? Now look, my men saw it and they also saw you men throwing those crates overboard. What have you got to say about that? -Now look, my men saw it and they also saw you men throwing those crates overboard. What have you got to say about that? I ... I ... wasn't feeling well ... I.. I was sleeping... I don't know anything ... I ... I'm all mixed up and ... -I work there but I'm really a stranger. I tell you this acquaintance of mine knows you and she has often spoken to me about you. -I tell you this acquaintance of mine knows you and she has often spoken to me about you. And who is she? Does she work in Catania? -And who is she? Does she work in Catania? Yes, she takes care of the garden. -Yes, she takes care of the garden. Then it's impossible for her to know me. In the villa where I'm at, we have a male gardener. -Then it's impossible for her to know me. In the villa where I'm at, we have a male gardener. So? That's logical. You see, both being gardeners, they spoke about you to one another. -So? That's logical. You see, both being gardeners, they spoke about you to one another. And what did they say about me? -And what did they say about me? They told me that you were a very nice girl, that you always mind your business... In other words, things of that sort. -We have a radio like this, too. No, not like this one. -No, not like this one. And why wouldn't we have one like this? -And why wouldn't we have one like this? Because this is a Chinese radio. -Certainly a radio this small is very practical. It's especially useful for... I don't know... for traveling. But for you, what comes first: music or love? -Music, of course. To get a sweetheart, one has to look around, but to get a radio, all you have to do is buy one. Ah, no... For me, love comes first. I'm a man, and I know what's what: first love, and then music. -Anything new develop? Unfortunately, no. -Unfortunately, no. Very well. First of all, I'll have them search the waters around the island. I brought two frogmen with me... Meanwhile, we'll take a look up around here. -Very well. First of all, I'll have them search the waters around the island. I brought two frogmen with me... Meanwhile, we'll take a look up around here. Look, Marshal, with those deep crevasses, you'll need some rope and ladders... -Look, Marshal, with those deep crevasses, you'll need some rope and ladders... Don't worry, we've got everything. -Don't worry, we've got everything. Another thing; there's an old man who lives here on the island... -Another thing; there's an old man who lives here on the island... I know, I know. One thing at a time. -I only exchanged a few casual words with her, as one would ordinarily do on a public bus... And do you remember where she got off? -And do you remember where she got off? Well...probably at the last stop, which is Noto. -Then you should also be able to tell me where a young girl might stay in Noto; are there any hotels or rooming houses? There's the Trinacria Hotel... or the Regina, near the municipal building. As for rooming houses, I don't know... -There's the Trinacria Hotel... or the Regina, near the municipal building. As for rooming houses, I don't know... Thank you. -Thank you. Don't mention it... Pleased to be of service any time. -Are you the owner of this place? No. The owners are in Australia. -No. The owners are in Australia. But where did you come from? -But where did you come from? From Panarea. Why? -Whose boat is that? What boat? -What boat? Just a moment ago... didn't you hear the sound of a motor? -Just a moment ago... didn't you hear the sound of a motor? At this time of the year there are so many boats... -At this time of the year there are so many boats... And how come you're up so early? -And how come you're up so early? Early? Is four in the morning early for you? -Perhaps she wasn't feeling well... Maybe a cramp or something... Anna is an excellent swimmer. Even with a cramp, she would have managed to reach shore somehow. -Anna is an excellent swimmer. Even with a cramp, she would have managed to reach shore somehow. But you have to consider all possibilities, Sandro. -Listen, Patrizia... The Marshal says there's a current that passes by here and ends up at another island... I don't know which... He wants to send one of his men over to have a look... One never knows... Do you mind if I ask Raimondo to go with him? I don't see why I should mind. -Patrizia, what are you going to do? What do you want us to do? I don't know myself... But we'll do something. -What do you want us to do? I don't know myself... But we'll do something. I'll go and get my valise. -We've decided to go to Montaldo's place. In fact, Ettore should already be there. Good. Then I'll meet you there. -And here's Sandro. Why don't you two go upstairs and change? Yes, we will. -Did you manage to find good rooms? They didn't seem too good. -They didn't seem too good. You should have told Ettore. He always manages to get what he wants. -You should have told Ettore. He always manages to get what he wants. Ettore must be fed up with me by now. -Ettore must be fed up with me by now. Oh, no, not at all. And then you know very well that he'll forgive you anything; just as long as you admit to him that you're a worse driver than he is... -Your mother? Yes, even I had a mother. She was part Austrian, but she was still my mother. My childhood was like a tennis match; they bounced me back and forth, here and there... -Why have we stopped? Lady Patrizia! -Raimondo... Do you enjoy fishing underwater? I detest it. But, after all, what can you do... It's the latest...and I try my best to adapt myself. -Now, tell the truth, aren't you a bit disappointed?... But I already told you... If women's breasts were colored, yours would be blue... -Patrizia, don't start in again... I would rather be called depraved. Unless you happen to love children. You know, I don't love anybody. -You know, I don't love anybody. I know, dammit, I know! And just think -- if there ever was a woman so right, so perfectly cut out for all kinds of dissipations, degradations, infidelities... of.. . of... of debaucheries, it's her. Well, anyway, she's faithful. Faithful out of laziness... of unwillingness. -You've made some mistake there with the bushes... that's why you can't finish it. Take it easy, Raimondo. Why are you getting so impatient? -Here I am, Patrizia. I'm always here. Claudia isn't coming with us. Will you please take care of her luggage? Thanks. -Zuria? Yes. Until proven otherwise. -Yes. Until proven otherwise. I would like to ask you something. -I would like to ask you something. Wait a moment. Can't you see I'm busy? -She costs a hundred thousand lire. You're kidding! -You're kidding! No, I'm not. Why do you think she does all this? It's one of the many ways she can put herself on display. When you bait the trap, the mouse will snap. To tell you the truth, if it wasn't for the fact that one hundred thousand lire represents my whole month's salary, well... But you had something you wanted to ask me? -I read one of your articles regarding the disappearance of a girl. I'm that girl's fianc‚. Oh... I'm sorry I have to rush but I've got to write a story about this thing that just happened... Tell me exactly how it all turned out. -Oh... I'm sorry I have to rush but I've got to write a story about this thing that just happened... Tell me exactly how it all turned out. Now listen, if I had any information, I wouldn't have come here to ask you. But I see that you, too, lack any information ... -As a matter of fact, I've already had several phone calls on that article. One said they had seen the missing girl in an automobile somewhere in Rome. Another one said they saw her on the pier talking with some strange sailors... Could be she secretly left the island by boat... Is that possible? -Is that possible? Who knows?... Another one has it that she entered a store in Troina. This information comes from the storekeeper himself who stated that such and such a girl had bought I don't know what in his store... at Troina. -Who knows?... Another one has it that she entered a store in Troina. This information comes from the storekeeper himself who stated that such and such a girl had bought I don't know what in his store... at Troina. Is that far from here? -Is that far from here? About fifty miles or so. If you want, I'll give you the name of the storekeeper. -About fifty miles or so. If you want, I'll give you the name of the storekeeper. Yes... of course... But you should also print that in your paper... But right away, tomorrow morning... It's the local Palermo paper, isn't it?... I mean, it's widely read... -Yes... of course... But you should also print that in your paper... But right away, tomorrow morning... It's the local Palermo paper, isn't it?... I mean, it's widely read... Yes, but why do you think our readers would be interested in such news now? Even if I sent it, the editors wouldn't print it. -Yes, but why do you think our readers would be interested in such news now? Even if I sent it, the editors wouldn't print it. You really must do me this one favor. -You really must do me this one favor. Pardon me, but why must I do you a favor? -Pardon me, but why must I do you a favor? Then let's call it a business proposition. Something to round out your salary. -Agnes, it has come to my attention that you have stopped eating. Why is this? AGNES I've been commanded by God. He talked to you Himself? -He talked to you Himself? No. -No. Through someone else? -Through someone else? Yes. -Yes. Who? -Who? I can't say. -I can't say. Why? -Why? She'd punish me. -She'd punish me. One of the other Sisters? -One of the other Sisters? No. -No. Who? -Because I'm getting fat. Oh, for Heaven's sake. -Oh, for Heaven's sake. I am, there's too much flesh on me. -I am, there's too much flesh on me. Agnes... -Agnes... I'm a blimp. -I'm a blimp. Why does it matter whether you're fat or not... -Why does it matter whether you're fat or not... Because... -Because... ... You needn't worry about being attractive here. -... You needn't worry about being attractive here. I do, I have to be attractive to God. -I do, I have to be attractive to God. He loves you the way you are. -He loves you the way you are. No he doesn't. He hates fat people. -No he doesn't. He hates fat people. Who told you this? -Who told you this? It's a sin to be fat. -It's a sin to be fat. Why? -Why? Look at the statues, they're thin. -Look at the statues, they're thin. Agnes... -Agnes... That's because they're suffering... suffering is beautiful, I want to be beautiful. -That's because they're suffering... suffering is beautiful, I want to be beautiful. Who tells you these things? -Who tells you these things? Christ said it in the Bible, he said - suffer the little children, I want to suffer like a little child. -Christ said it in the Bible, he said - suffer the little children, I want to suffer like a little child. That's not what he meant. -That's not what he meant. I... I am a little child but my body keeps getting bigger and soon I... I won't be able to fit in, I... I won't be able to squeeze into Heaven. -I... I am a little child but my body keeps getting bigger and soon I... I won't be able to fit in, I... I won't be able to squeeze into Heaven. Agnes dear, Heaven is not a place where... -No... I mean... I mean look at these. I've got to lose weight, I'm a blimp. Oh my dear child. -Oh my dear child. God blew up the Hindenburg. He'll blow me up, that's what she said... -God blew up the Hindenburg. He'll blow me up, that's what she said... Who? -Who? Mommy I'll get bigger and bigger every day and then I'll pop but... but if I stay little it won't happen. -Mommy I'll get bigger and bigger every day and then I'll pop but... but if I stay little it won't happen. Your mother tells you this?... Agnes your mother is dead. -Your mother tells you this?... Agnes your mother is dead. But she watches... she listens. -But she watches... she listens. Nonsense, I'm your mother now and I want you to eat. -Nonsense, I'm your mother now and I want you to eat. I'm not hungry. -I'm not hungry. You've got to eat something Agnes. -You've got to eat something Agnes. No I don't... the host is enough. -No I don't... the host is enough. My dear, I don't think a communion wafer has the recommended daily allowance of anything. -My dear, I don't think a communion wafer has the recommended daily allowance of anything. Of God. -Of God. Yes, of God. -I'm being punished. Why? -Why? I don't know. -I don't know. Dear Jesus... -Sister Marguerite says you have been sleeping on a bare mattress Sister. Is that true? Yes Mother. -Yes Mother. Why? -Why? In the medieval days the nuns and monks would sleep in their own coffins. -We're not in the Middle Ages, Sister. It made them holy. -It made them holy. It made them uncomfortable. And if they didn't sleep well I'm certain the next day they were cranky as mules. Sister where are your sheets? Do you really believe that sleeping on a bare mattress is the equivalent of sleeping in a coffin? -It made them uncomfortable. And if they didn't sleep well I'm certain the next day they were cranky as mules. Sister where are your sheets? Do you really believe that sleeping on a bare mattress is the equivalent of sleeping in a coffin? No. -No. Then tell me. Where are your sheets? -Then tell me. Where are your sheets? I burnt them. -I burnt them. Why? -Why? They were stained. -They were stained. How many times have I burned into your thick skull and the thick skull of your fellow novice, that menstruation is a perfectly natural process and nothing to be ashamed of. -How many times have I burned into your thick skull and the thick skull of your fellow novice, that menstruation is a perfectly natural process and nothing to be ashamed of. Yes, Mother. -Yes, Mother. Say it! -A few years ago one of the Sisters came to me in tears, asking for comfort, comfort because she was too old to have any children. Not that she wanted to, but once a month she had been reminded of that possibility. It's not that... it's not that... -It's not that... it's not that... What do you mean? -What do you mean? It's not my time of month. -It's not my time of month. Should you see a doctor? -Should you see a doctor? I don't know. I don't know what happened Mother, I woke up... there was blood on the sheets, but I don't know what happened. I don't know what I did wrong, I don't know and I should be punished. -I don't know. I don't know what happened Mother, I woke up... there was blood on the sheets, but I don't know what happened. I don't know what I did wrong, I don't know and I should be punished. For what? -For what? I don't know... I don't know... -I don't know... I don't know... That was the beginning, the night of the conception. That's why she burnt the sheets. -Hello. I'm Doctor Livingston. I've been asked to talk to you. May I? Yes. -You have a lovely voice. No I don't. -No I don't. I just heard you. -I just heard you. That wasn't me. -That wasn't me. Was it Sister Marguerite? -No I'm not. Hasn't anyone ever told you that before? -Hasn't anyone ever told you that before? Let's talk about something else. -Let's talk about something else. What would you like to talk about. -What would you like to talk about. I don't know. -I don't know. Anything... may I sit down? -Anything... may I sit down? Yes. -First thing that comes to your mind? God! But there's nothing to say about God. -God! But there's nothing to say about God. Second thing that comes to your mind. -Second thing that comes to your mind. Love. -Love. Have you ever loved anyone? -Have you ever loved anyone? Yes. -Yes. Who? -Who? Everyone. -Everyone. Well, who in particular? -Well, who in particular? Right now? -Right now? Uh huh. -Uh huh. I love you. -I love you. Agnes, have you ever loved another man... other than, Jesus Christ? -Agnes, have you ever loved another man... other than, Jesus Christ? Yes. -Yes. Who? -Who? Oh, there are so many. -Oh, there are so many. Well do you love... do you love Father Martineau? -Well do you love... do you love Father Martineau? Oh, yes! -Oh, yes! Do you think he loves you? -Do you think he loves you? Oh, I know he does. -Oh, I know he does. He's told you? -He's told you? No. But... when I look into his eyes, I can tell. -No. But... when I look into his eyes, I can tell. You've been alone together? -You've been alone together? Yes. -Yes. Often? -Often? At least once a week. -At least once a week. And you like that? -And you like that? Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. Where do you meet? -Where do you meet? In the confessional. -You want to talk about the baby don't you? Would you like to talk about it? -Would you like to talk about it? I never saw any baby... I think they made it up. -I never saw any baby... I think they made it up. Why should they? -Why should they? I don't know. -I don't know. Do you remember the night they said it came? -Do you remember the night they said it came? No. I was sick. -No. I was sick. How were you sick? -How were you sick? Something I ate. -Something I ate. Did it hurt? -Did it hurt? Yes. -Yes. Where? -Where? Down... there. -Down... there. And what did you do? -And what did you do? I went to my room. -I went to my room. And what happened? -And what happened? I got sicker. -I got sicker. And then what? -And then what? I fell asleep. -I fell asleep. In the middle of all the pain? -In the middle of all the pain? Yes. -Yes. Where did the baby come from? -Where did the baby come from? What baby? -What baby? The baby they made up. -The baby they made up. From their heads... -From their heads... Is that where they say it came from... ? -Is that where they say it came from... ? No, they say it came from the waste paper basket! -No, they say it came from the waste paper basket! Where'd it come from before that? -Where'd it come from before that? From God. -From God. After God... before the waste-paper basket. -After God... before the waste-paper basket. I... I don't understand. -I... I don't understand. Agnes, how are babies born? -Agnes, how are babies born? Don't you know? -Don't you know? Yes I do, but I want you to... -Yes I do, but I want you to... I don't understand what you're talking about... you want to talk about the baby... everybody wants to talk about the baby but... I never saw the baby so I can't talk about the baby because... I don't believe in the baby. -I don't understand what you're talking about... you want to talk about the baby... everybody wants to talk about the baby but... I never saw the baby so I can't talk about the baby because... I don't believe in the baby. Then let's talk about something else... -Then let's talk about something else... No... no, I'm tired of talking, I've been talking for weeks, nobody believes me when I tell them anything... nobody listens to me. -No... no, I'm tired of talking, I've been talking for weeks, nobody believes me when I tell them anything... nobody listens to me. Agnes... -Agnes... No... no, I don't want to answer any more questions. -No... no, I don't want to answer any more questions. Would you like to ask them? -Would you like to ask them? What do you mean? -What do you mean? Just that... you ask and I'll answer. -Just that... you ask and I'll answer. Anything? -Anything? Anything. -What's your real name? Martha Louise Livingston. -Martha Louise Livingston. Are you married? -Are you married? No. -No. Would you like to be? -Would you like to be? Not at the moment, no. -Not at the moment, no. Do you have any children? -Do you have any children? No. -No. Would you like some? -Would you like some? I can't have them any more. -I can't have them any more. Why not? -Why not? I've stopped menstruating -I've stopped menstruating Why do you smoke? -Why do you smoke? Does it bother you? -Does it bother you? No questions. -No questions. Smoking is an obsession with me. Maybe one day I'll become obsessed with something else, then I'll stop smoking... Do you have any more questions? -Smoking is an obsession with me. Maybe one day I'll become obsessed with something else, then I'll stop smoking... Do you have any more questions? One. -One. What? -Where do you think babies come from? From their mothers and fathers of course. Before that, I... I don't know. -From their mothers and fathers of course. Before that, I... I don't know. Well I think they come from... angel lights on their mothers chest and whispers into her ear. That makes good babies start to grow. And bad babies come from when a fallen angel squeezes in down there, and they start to grow, grow, till they come out down there. I don't know where good babies come out. And you can't tell the difference... except bad babies cry a lot... and they make their fathers go away... and their mothers get very ill... die sometimes. -Do you know a Marie? No... do you? -No... do you? Why should I? -Why should I? I don't know. -You liked Sister Paul? She was kind to me. She told me I was beautiful. -She was kind to me. She told me I was beautiful. What else did she tell you? -What else did she tell you? She said all of God's angels would want to sleep beside me if they could. I liked that. -Sister Paul was in her eighties? Did she climb up here often? No, only when she felt like it. She brought me up here last winter and the next day she died. -No, only when she felt like it. She brought me up here last winter and the next day she died. No wonder... wait... Agnes... Agnes how do you feel about babies? -No wonder... wait... Agnes... Agnes how do you feel about babies? Oh, they frighten me, I'm afraid I'll drop them. They have a soft spot on their heads and if you drop them so they land on their heads they become stupid. I was dropped on my head, that's why I don't understand things. -Oh, they frighten me, I'm afraid I'll drop them. They have a soft spot on their heads and if you drop them so they land on their heads they become stupid. I was dropped on my head, that's why I don't understand things. Like what? -Like what? Numbers... you can spend your whole life counting and never reach the end. -Numbers... you can spend your whole life counting and never reach the end. I don't understand them either. Do you suppose I was dropped on my head? -I don't understand them either. Do you suppose I was dropped on my head? I hope not. It's a terrible thing to be dropped on your head. -I hope not. It's a terrible thing to be dropped on your head. Oh, I've got to give up smoking. Agnes ... wait a minute... Agnes slow down. -What happens if the bell rings and you're under there? Oh, it's even more wonderful then. -It's like hiding from my mother when I was a little girl. Where did you go? -Where did you go? Oh, no place as wonderful as this. Agnes... have you ever thought of leaving the convent for something else? -Oh, no place as wonderful as this. Agnes... have you ever thought of leaving the convent for something else? No. There is nothing else. Just being here at night helps me sleep. -No. There is nothing else. Just being here at night helps me sleep. You have trouble sleeping? -You have trouble sleeping? I get headaches. Mommy did too... oh, but she wasn't stupid. She knew things that nobody else knew. -I get headaches. Mommy did too... oh, but she wasn't stupid. She knew things that nobody else knew. What things? -What things? She knew what was going to happen to me. That's why she hid me away. -She knew what was going to happen to me. That's why she hid me away. How did she know that? -How did she know that? Somebody told her. -Somebody told her. Who? -Who? I don't know. -I don't know. Agnes... -Agnes... You'll laugh. -You'll laugh. I promise I won't laugh. Who told her? -I promise I won't laugh. Who told her? An angel, when she was having one of her headaches. -An angel, when she was having one of her headaches. Did your mother see angels often? -Did your mother see angels often? No. -No. Do you? -Do you? No. -No. Do you believe she really saw them? -Do you believe she really saw them? No, but I can never tell her that. -No, but I can never tell her that. Why not? Mmm? -Why not? Mmm? She'd get angry. -Agnes, did you love your mother? Yes. -Yes. Did you ever want to be a mother yourself? -Did you ever want to be a mother yourself? I could never be a mother. -I could never be a mother. Why not? -Why not? Well I don't think I'm old enough and besides I don't want to have a baby. -Well I don't think I'm old enough and besides I don't want to have a baby. Why not? -Why not? Because I don't want one. -Because I don't want one. If you did want one, how'd you go about getting one? -If you did want one, how'd you go about getting one? From someone who didn't want to have a baby. -From someone who didn't want to have a baby. Like you? -How would that person get one if they didn't want one? A mistake... -A mistake... Agnes, how did your mother get you? -Agnes, how did your mother get you? A mistake... it was a mistake... -A mistake... it was a mistake... Is that what she said? -Is that what she said? If you're trying to get me to say that she was a bad woman and hated me and didn't want me but that's not true, she was a good woman, a saint... -If you're trying to get me to say that she was a bad woman and hated me and didn't want me but that's not true, she was a good woman, a saint... Agnes, I don't believe you know nothing about sex... -Agnes, I don't believe you know nothing about sex... I can't help it if I'm stupid. -I can't help it if I'm stupid. ... that you don't remember getting pregnant... -... that you don't remember getting pregnant... Not my fault. -Not my fault. ... and that you don't believe you carried a child. -... and that you don't believe you carried a child. I was a mistake. -I was a mistake. What the child? -What the child? Everything... I don't have children. -Everything... I don't have children. Agnes... -Agnes, I'm here because I want to help you. I'm not sick. -I'm not sick. But you're troubled... aren't you? -But you're troubled... aren't you? That's because you keep reminding me. If you go away then I'll forget. -That's because you keep reminding me. If you go away then I'll forget. And you're unhappy. -And you're unhappy. Everyone's unhappy, you're unhappy aren't you? -Everyone's unhappy, you're unhappy aren't you? Agnes... -Agnes... Answer me! You never answer me. -Answer me! You never answer me. Sometimes, yes. -Sometimes, yes. Only you think you're lucky because you didn't have a mother who said things to you and did things to you that maybe weren't always nice but that was because of me, because I was bad, not her. -What did you do? I'm always bad. -I'm always bad. What did you do? -What did you do? I breathed! -Agnes. What did your mother do to you? If you can't answer me, just shake your head yes or no. Did... did she hit you? Did she make you do something you didn't want to? Did it make you feel uncomfortable to do it? Did it embarrass you? Did it... did it hurt you? What did she make you you do? No... -No... You can tell me. -You can tell me. I can't. -I can't. She's dead isn't she? -She's dead isn't she? Yes. -Yes. She can't hurt you any more. -She can't hurt you any more. She can. -She can. How? -How? She watches... she listens. -She watches... she listens. Agnes, I don't believe that. Tell me. I'll protect you from her. -Agnes, I don't believe that. Tell me. I'll protect you from her. She... -She... Yes? -Yes? ... makes me... -... makes me... Yes? -Yes? ... take off my clothes and then... she makes fun of me. -... take off my clothes and then... she makes fun of me. She tells you you're ugly? -She tells you you're ugly? Yes. -Yes. And that you're stupid? -And that you're stupid? Yes. -Yes. That you're a mistake? -That you're a mistake? She says my whole body's a mistake. -She says my whole body's a mistake. Why? -Why? Because she says if I don't watch out I'll have a baby. -Because she says if I don't watch out I'll have a baby. How does she know that? -How does she know that? Her headaches. -Her headaches. Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. And then... -And then... What? -What? She touches me down there with a cigarette. Please Mommy, don't touch me like that any more. I'll be good, I won't be a baby any more. -She touches me down there with a cigarette. Please Mommy, don't touch me like that any more. I'll be good, I won't be a baby any more. Agnes, oh Agnes, Agnes I want you to do something. I want you to pretend that I'm your mother. Oh yes, only this time I want you to tell me what you're feeling, alright? -Agnes, oh Agnes, Agnes I want you to do something. I want you to pretend that I'm your mother. Oh yes, only this time I want you to tell me what you're feeling, alright? I'm afraid. -I'm afraid. Please! I want to help you. Let me help you. -Please! I want to help you. Let me help you. Alright. -Alright. Agnes, you're ugly!... what do you say? Of course you do. Agnes, you're ugly!... what do you say? -Agnes, you're ugly!... what do you say? Of course you do. Agnes, you're ugly!... what do you say? No I'm not. -No I'm not. Are you pretty? -Are you pretty? Yes. -Yes. Agnes, you're stupid. -Agnes, you're stupid. No I'm not. -No I'm not. Are you intelligent? -Are you intelligent? Yes I am. -Yes I am. You're a mistake. -You're a mistake. I'm not mistake, I'm here aren't I. How can I be a mistake if I'm really here. God doesn't make mistakes, you're a mistake... -Oh Agnes, oh Agnes, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, I love you. Do you really love me or are you just saying that? -Do you really love me or are you just saying that? I really love you. -I really love you. As much as Mother Miriam does? -As much as Mother Miriam does? As much as God loves you. -You're listening to a chorus of angels. The music surrounds you like a... warm and, comfortable pool of water. And while you're sleeping, you're going to be able to recall, all the things that we want you to remember. And when I count to three and clap my hands, you'll no longer be hypnotised. Can you hear me. Yes. -Yes. Who am I? -Who am I? Doctor Livingston. -Doctor Livingston. And why am I here? -And why am I here? To help me. -To help me. Good. Would you like to tell me why you're here? -Good. Would you like to tell me why you're here? Because I'm in trouble. -Because I'm in trouble. What kind of trouble? What kind of trouble Agnes? -I'm frightened. Of what? -Of what? Of telling you. -Of telling you. But it's easy. It's just a breath with sound. Say it. What kind of trouble? -But it's easy. It's just a breath with sound. Say it. What kind of trouble? I had a baby. -How did you have a baby? It came out of me. -It came out of me. Did you know what was going to come out? -Did you know what was going to come out? Yes. -Yes. Did you want it to come out? -Did you want it to come out? No. -No. Why? -Why? Because I was afraid. -Because I was afraid. Why were you afraid? -Why were you afraid? Because I wasn't worthy. -Because I wasn't worthy. To be a mother? -To be a mother? Yes. -Yes. Why? -Why? May I open my eyes now? -May I open my eyes now? No not yet Agnes, very soon but not yet. How did the baby get into you? -No not yet Agnes, very soon but not yet. How did the baby get into you? It grew. -It grew. What made it grow? Do you know? -What made it grow? Do you know? Yes. -Yes. Would you like to tell me? -Would you like to tell me? No. -No. Did anyone else know about the baby? -Did anyone else know about the baby? I can't tell you that. -I can't tell you that. Will she be angry? -Will she be angry? She made me promise not to. -She made me promise not to. Who? Who made you promise? It's alright Agnes. It's alright. Let's go to your room. It's the night about six weeks ago when you were very sick. -Who? Who made you promise? It's alright Agnes. It's alright. Let's go to your room. It's the night about six weeks ago when you were very sick. I'm afraid. -I'm afraid. Oh don't be, I'm here. It's alright. I want you to tell me what you did before you went to bed. -Oh don't be, I'm here. It's alright. I want you to tell me what you did before you went to bed. I ate. -I ate. Hm hmm. What did you have for dinner? -Hm hmm. What did you have for dinner? Fish... ... brussel sprouts. -Fish... ... brussel sprouts. You don't like brussel sprouts? -You don't like brussel sprouts? I hate them. -And then what happened? We went to chapel for vespers. -We went to chapel for vespers. Hm hmm. -Hm hmm. I left early because I wasn't feeling very well. -What is it? Someone's following me. -Someone's following me. Who? -Who? Sister Marguerite I think. -Sister Marguerite I think. Was it Sister Marguerite who knew about the baby? Alright Agnes, I want you to see your room as you saw it on that night. -My bed. What else? -What else? A crucifix. -A crucifix. Above the bed? Any... anything else? What do you you see, something different? What is it? -Above the bed? Any... anything else? What do you you see, something different? What is it? A wastepaper basket. -A wastepaper basket. Do you know who put it there? -Do you know who put it there? No. -No. What do you think it's there for? -What do you think it's there for? For me to get sick in. -For me to get sick in. Are you ill? -Are you ill? Yes. -Yes. What do you feel? -What do you feel? I feel as if I've eaten glass. -I feel as if I've eaten glass. What do you do? -What do you do? I have to throw up... -Which one? I don't know which one -I don't know which one Of what? -Of what? Of me. Oh... God! My God... Water... it's all water... -Of me. Oh... God! My God... Water... it's all water... Why isn't anyone coming? -Why isn't anyone coming? They can't hear me that's why. Oh God... I don't wanna... -Who? Go away, I don't want you here. -Go away, I don't want you here. Is someone in the room with you? -Is someone in the room with you? No... don't hit me please... -Alright Agnes... it's alright. One, two three... It's alright... it's me, Doctor Livingston, it's alright, alright. Thankyou Agnes, thankyou. How do you feel? Frightened. -Frightened. Do you remember what just happened? -Do you remember what just happened? Yes. -Yes. That's good. Do you feel well enough to stand? -That's good. Do you feel well enough to stand? Yes. -Agnes, can you hear me? Yes. -Yes. I want you to remember if you can a night last January. The night Sister Paul died. Do you remember. -She said Michael. What did she mean? -The statue. She had shown it to me the day before. And the passage to the barn? -And the passage to the barn? Yes. -Yes. Why? -Why? So I could go to him. -So I could go to him. Who? -Who? Him. -Him. How did she know about him? -How did she know about him? She'd seen him too. -She'd seen him too. Where? -Where? From the belltower the day she before she died. -From the belltower the day she before she died. So she sent you? -So she sent you? Yes. -Are you frightened? Yes. -It's bleeding... I'm bleeding... my God it won't stop, I can't get it to stop. Let go of me, I wish you were dead. Agnes... Agnes... -Stay away from me... Agnes it had nothing to do with the hand of God. He did a terrible thing to you, do you understand? -Agnes it had nothing to do with the hand of God. He did a terrible thing to you, do you understand? No... -No... He frightened you and he hurt you. It's not your fault. It's his fault. Tell us who he is so we can find him. Stop him from doing this to other women. -He frightened you and he hurt you. It's not your fault. It's his fault. Tell us who he is so we can find him. Stop him from doing this to other women. Not your fault... -Not your fault... Agnes who did you see? -Agnes who did you see? I hate him... -I hate him... Of course you do. Who was it? -Of course you do. Who was it? I hate him for what he did to me. -I hate him for what he did to me. Yes. -Yes. For what he made me go through. -For what he made me go through. Who? -Who? I hate him. -I hate him. Agnes, who did this to you? -God! It was God. And now I'll burn in hell because I hate him. Agnes you won't burn in hell. It's alright to hate him. -It was dead. It was alive wasn't it? -It was alive wasn't it? I don't remember. -Mother Miriam was with you wasn't she? Yes. -Yes. She took the baby in her arms? -She took the baby in her arms? Yes. -Yes. You saw it all didn't you? -You saw it all didn't you? Yes. -Yes. And then... what did she do? Agnes what did she do? -And then... what did she do? Agnes what did she do? She... left me alone with that little thing, and I looked at it, and I thought this is a mistake. But it's my mistake, not Mommy's. God's mistake. -What did you do? I put her to sleep. -I put her to sleep. H... how? -H... how? I tied the cord around her neck... wrapped her in the bloody sheets... and stuffed her in the trash can. -I've been watching. We were fine 'till she came. She brought the devil here. There was blood on her hand that night. Agnes? Who? Mother Superior? -Agnes? Who? Mother Superior? ??? -??? What? -What? Look into the convent records. -Look into the convent records. Sister... -Are you dictating my position to me? We're getting into some sticky legal territories here. Martha, all we're saying is, no-one wants this to come to trial, not the Church, not the Crown... least of all me. -Martha, all we're saying is, no-one wants this to come to trial, not the Church, not the Crown... least of all me. Eve, she strangled a baby! -Eve, she strangled a baby! Nobody is interested in sending a nun to prison. -Martha, you have to make a decision on her sanity as quickly as possible and not interfere with due process of law. No... no, excuse me Eve. As quickly as I see fit. -No... no, excuse me Eve. As quickly as I see fit. The longer you take to make a decision, the more difficult it will be for us. -The longer you take to make a decision, the more difficult it will be for us. Why? -Why? The bishop is breathing down our necks. -The bishop is breathing down our necks. And the sooner she goes to prison, the better off she'll be? -Here you are. Don't let anyone know where you got them. Thanks... -Larry... Marty, what are you doing here? -Marty, what are you doing here? Larry there's got to be something missing. -Larry there's got to be something missing. I gave you the pictures Marty, what else do you want? -I gave you the pictures Marty, what else do you want? Something they... that they overlooked. -Something they... that they overlooked. What? You think that the girl is innocent? -What? You think that the girl is innocent? I don't know. -I don't know. You got to be crazy. -Larry... What's the matter with you, you've seen the reports. It's a cut and dried case. -What's the matter with you, you've seen the reports. It's a cut and dried case. Maybe there's something that's not in the report that should be. -Maybe there's something that's not in the report that should be. You're too involved Marty. Jesus look at you. Why don't you turn this case over to someone else? -Thanks. If I find anything I'll call you. -Martha, it's you. What about Roger? He's free. -Would you tell me why the hell this is taking so long. Look there are a lot of unanswered questions here. -??? I don't believe this. I don't bloody believe this. -All I want is one more week. Why? You've done nothing to show any progress. -Why? You've done nothing to show any progress. Yes, that's because I'm getting to her. -Yes, that's because I'm getting to her. You're getting to all of us Martha, let's face it. -You're getting to all of us Martha, let's face it. I'll have a decision by next week. -I'll have a decision by next week. It's gone on long enough. You're out. -It's gone on long enough. You're out. Oh Joe... Joe she didn't kill the baby. -Oh Joe... Joe she didn't kill the baby. You have proof? -You have proof? I'll have it. -I'll have it. When? -When? Next week. -No, no, no... I can get you new evidence next week. -I can get you new evidence next week. No! -No! Tomorrow... tomorrow, I'll get it by tomorrow. I will. -Hello, Mama ... brought you something. Shut up, I'm trying to watch this. -Shut up, I'm trying to watch this. It's your favourite... -It's your favourite... Who are you? -Who are you? It's Martha, Mama. There you go. -It's Martha, Mama. There you go. Marie brings me icecream too you know. Chocolate... my favourite. -Marie brings me icecream too you know. Chocolate... my favourite. I thought cherry-vanilla was your favourite. -I thought cherry-vanilla was your favourite. Not any more... now I like chocolate. -Not any more... now I like chocolate. Did you have a good week Mama. Are they treating you all right? -Did you have a good week Mama. Are they treating you all right? You know Martha never comes to see me. You watch it, she's going straight to hell... after all the things she said to me. Then she marries that son of a bitch of a Frenchman... has an abortion. I knew that one wouldn't work out. Not like you Marie. You got married to God. -You know Martha never comes to see me. You watch it, she's going straight to hell... after all the things she said to me. Then she marries that son of a bitch of a Frenchman... has an abortion. I knew that one wouldn't work out. Not like you Marie. You got married to God. Marie's dead Mama. -Marie's dead Mama. I remember when you was a little girl Marie. You come back from the movies and you'd say - Mama that ending was so sad... and I'd tell you they had all the happy endings locked away in a vault in Hollywood. And you believed me. -I remember when you was a little girl Marie. You come back from the movies and you'd say - Mama that ending was so sad... and I'd tell you they had all the happy endings locked away in a vault in Hollywood. And you believed me. Mama, that wasn't Marie, that was me! -Mama, that wasn't Marie, that was me! Who are you? -Who are you? I... I'm Martha, Mama. -The convent was built for over fifty. Not many of us left... just us and the chickens. How do you survive? -How do you survive? Oh, we own the land around here. But we rent it out. We keep a few acres for ourselves, some wheat, corn, some vegetables. -Oh, we own the land around here. But we rent it out. We keep a few acres for ourselves, some wheat, corn, some vegetables. Well that's a lot of land. You must have help. Do you have field hands that help you? -Well that's a lot of land. You must have help. Do you have field hands that help you? No. We work the land alone. No-one but Sister Marguerite and I are permitted contact with the public. -No. We work the land alone. No-one but Sister Marguerite and I are permitted contact with the public. Sister Anne, which was Agnes' room? -Oh that one there, in the corner. The one up on the third floor? -The one up on the third floor? Yes. -Yes. Uh huh. -No. Well you're probably right about that. It certainly can't help Sister Agnes to have this investigation continued for any length of time. -Well you're probably right about that. It certainly can't help Sister Agnes to have this investigation continued for any length of time. Why do you call it an investigation? I never have. -Why do you call it an investigation? I never have. Your mother was a resident of Saint Catherines home before you moved her. -Your mother was a resident of Saint Catherines home before you moved her. What does this have to do with..? -And you had a sister who died in the convent. Who told you this? -Who told you this? Do you still go to church? -Do you still go to church? What business is it of yours..? -What business is it of yours..? Oh, we just wonder if you can be very objective about this case. -Oh, we just wonder if you can be very objective about this case. Look, Father, ah... just because I don't subscribe to the... to the beliefs you subscribe to... -Look, Father, ah... just because I don't subscribe to the... to the beliefs you subscribe to... But what you believe makes no difference to us whatsoever Doctor. But it does make all the difference to Agnes. -But what you believe makes no difference to us whatsoever Doctor. But it does make all the difference to Agnes. I don't understand. Are you expecting me to..? -I don't understand. Are you expecting me to..? Well somone's got to suffer for this Doctor. You've got to be merciful and quick. Excuse me. -I'm afraid the word brings up the most unpleasant connatations in this day and age... Yes... I... -Yes... I... You can call me Sister. -You can call me Sister. ... Thank you. -... Thank you. You must have tons of questions. You may smoke if you want to. Just don't tell any of the Sisters. -You were a smoker? Two packs a day. -Two packs a day. I can beat that. -I can beat that. Unfiltered. -Who knew about Agnes' pregnancy? No-one. -No-one. How did she hide it from the other nuns? -How did she hide it from the other nuns? She undressed alone... she bathed alone. -She undressed alone... she bathed alone. Is that normal? -Is that normal? Yes. -Yes. How did she hide it during the day? -How did she hide it during the day? She could have hidden a machine gun in here if she had wanted to. -She could have hidden a machine gun in here if she had wanted to. Didn't she have any physical examinations in this time? -Didn't she have any physical examinations in this time? We're examined once a year. Her pregnancy fell in between the doctor's visits. -We're examined once a year. Her pregnancy fell in between the doctor's visits. Who was the father? -Who was the father? I haven't a clue. -I haven't a clue. What man had access to her? -What man had access to her? None as far as I know. -None as far as I know. Was there a priest? -Was there a priest? Yes, but I... -Yes, but I... What's his name? -What's his name? Father Martineau, but I don't see him as a candidate. -Father Martineau, but I don't see him as a candidate. Could there have been anyone else? -Could there have been anyone else? Obviously there was. -Obviously there was. And you didn't try to find out who? -And you didn't try to find out who? Believe me, I've done everything possible short of asking Agnes. -Believe me, I've done everything possible short of asking Agnes. Why haven't you asked her? -She can't even remember the birth. Do you think she'd admit to the conception? Look, someone gave her the baby. -Look, someone gave her the baby. Yes, but that was some ten months ago. I fail to see that the identity of that somebody has anything to do with this trial. -Yes, but that was some ten months ago. I fail to see that the identity of that somebody has anything to do with this trial. Why do you think that? -Why do you think that? Don't ask me those questions dear, I'm not the patient. -Don't ask me those questions dear, I'm not the patient. Well I'm the doctor. I'm the one who's going to decide what is, or is not important here. -Well I'm the doctor. I'm the one who's going to decide what is, or is not important here. Look doctor, I don't know how to tell you this politely, but I don't approve of you. Not you personally... -Look doctor, I don't know how to tell you this politely, but I don't approve of you. Not you personally... The science of psychiatry. -The science of psychiatry. Exactly. I want you do deal with Agnes as speedily and as easily as possible. She won't hold up under any sort of cross examination. -Exactly. I want you do deal with Agnes as speedily and as easily as possible. She won't hold up under any sort of cross examination. I am not with the Inquisition. -I am not with the Inquisition. And I am not from the Middle Ages. I know what you are! I don't want that mind cut open. -Well... what do you think? Is she totally bananas or merely slightly off centre... or maybe she's perfectly sane and just a very good liar. What's your opinion? -What's your opinion? I believe Agnes is different. -I believe Agnes is different. From other nuns... Yes I... I've noticed. -From other nuns... Yes I... I've noticed. From other people! I believe she is not crazy, nor is she lying. -From other people! I believe she is not crazy, nor is she lying. How could she have a baby and know nothing of sex or birth? -How could she have a baby and know nothing of sex or birth? Because she's an innocent. She's a slate that's hasn't been touched except by God. -Because she's an innocent. She's a slate that's hasn't been touched except by God. That's ridiculous... -That's ridiculous... In her case it isn't. She's had very little schooling. Her mother kept her home almost all the time and when her mother died Agnes came here, to us. She's never been out there Doctor. She's never seen a movie or a television show. She's never even read a book. -In her case it isn't. She's had very little schooling. Her mother kept her home almost all the time and when her mother died Agnes came here, to us. She's never been out there Doctor. She's never seen a movie or a television show. She's never even read a book. If she's so innocent, how come she murdered a child? -If she's so innocent, how come she murdered a child? She didn't! This is manslaughter, not murder. She didn't consciously kill that baby. She'd lost a lot of blood. She was unconscious by the time we got to her. -She didn't! This is manslaughter, not murder. She didn't consciously kill that baby. She'd lost a lot of blood. She was unconscious by the time we got to her. So, someone else could have done it. -So, someone else could have done it. No... not in the eyes of the police. -No... not in the eyes of the police. And in your eyes? -And in your eyes? I've already told you what I thought. -I've already told you what I thought. That she was unconscious, yes! So someone easily could have come in the room and killed the... -That she was unconscious, yes! So someone easily could have come in the room and killed the... You don't really believe something like that happened do you? -You don't really believe something like that happened do you? It's possible isn't it? -It's possible isn't it? Who? -Who? One of the other nuns found out about the baby and... and wanted to avoid a scandal. -That's absurd! That possibility never occurred to you? -That possibility never occurred to you? No-one knew about Agnes' pregnancy. No-one. Not even Agnes. -This convent is locked solid. The only one that has a key is Sister Marguerite and she wouldn't let Christ in after dark. Well, it's been known to happen in the day too. Maybe Agnes went to him. -Well, it's been known to happen in the day too. Maybe Agnes went to him. Oh come on, you've talked to her. She doesn't even know how babies are born, let alone made. -Oh come on, you've talked to her. She doesn't even know how babies are born, let alone made. When did you first learn about her... innocence, the way she thinks? -When did you first learn about her... innocence, the way she thinks? Shortly after she came to us. -Shortly after she came to us. And you weren't shocked? -And you weren't shocked? I was appalled, just as you are now. -I was appalled, just as you are now. And what happened? -And what happened? She stopped eating completely... -This was before her pregnancy? About two years before. -Why didn't you take her to a doctor? It was healed by the following morning and she started eating again... -It was healed by the following morning and she started eating again... She had a... a hole in the palm of her hand! She could have bled to death. -She had a... a hole in the palm of her hand! She could have bled to death. But she didn't... did she. If anyone had seen what I'd seen she'd be public property... newspapermen, psychiatrists, ridicule. She doesn't deserve that. -But she didn't... did she. If anyone had seen what I'd seen she'd be public property... newspapermen, psychiatrists, ridicule. She doesn't deserve that. She has it now. -She has it now. I know what you're thinking, she's a hysteric pure and simple. -I know what you're thinking, she's a hysteric pure and simple. Not simple, no. -Not simple, no. I saw it. Clean through the palm of her hand. Do you think hysteria could do that? -I saw it. Clean through the palm of her hand. Do you think hysteria could do that? It's being doing it for centuries. She's not unique, she's just another victim. -It's being doing it for centuries. She's not unique, she's just another victim. God's victim. That's her innocence. She belongs to God. -God's victim. That's her innocence. She belongs to God. And I intend to take her away from Him. That's what you're afraid of isn't it? -You hate us don't you? What? -What? Nuns... you hate nuns. -Nuns... you hate nuns. I hate ignorance and stupidity. -I hate ignorance and stupidity. The Catholic Church... -The Catholic Church... I haven't said anything against the the Catholic Church. -I haven't said anything against the the Catholic Church. Catholicism is not on trial here. I want you to deal with Agnes without any religious prejudice or you turn this case over to someone else... -Catholicism is not on trial here. I want you to deal with Agnes without any religious prejudice or you turn this case over to someone else... How dare you tell me to run my affairs! -It's my affair too. How dare you think I'm in a position to be pressured... -I'm only interested... ... or bullied or what ever you're doing. Who the hell do you think you are? You go around here expecting applause for the way you treated this child. -She is not a child. And she has a right to know that there's a world out there filled with people who don't believe in God... ... and aren't any worse off than you Mother. People who've gone through their entire lives without bending their knees once, to anybody. And people who fall in love and have babies and occas- sionally are very happy. She has a right to know that. But you and your... your order and your Church have kept her ignorant... -??? ??? ... virginity, right Mother? Poverty, chastity and ignorance is what you live by. -??? ... virginity, right Mother? Poverty, chastity and ignorance is what you live by. I am not a virgin, Doctor. I was married for twenty three years, two daughters. I even have grandchildren... surprised? It might please you to know that I was a failure as a wife and mother. My children won't even see me any more, that's their revenge. I think they tell their friends that I've passed on. And don't tell me I'm making up for past mistakes Doctor Freud. -I am not a virgin, Doctor. I was married for twenty three years, two daughters. I even have grandchildren... surprised? It might please you to know that I was a failure as a wife and mother. My children won't even see me any more, that's their revenge. I think they tell their friends that I've passed on. And don't tell me I'm making up for past mistakes Doctor Freud. Then help her. -Then help her. I am... -I am... No, you're shielding her. Let her face the world. -No, you're shielding her. Let her face the world. What good would it do. No matter what you decide it's either the... the prison or the nut house and the differences between them are pretty thin. -What good would it do. No matter what you decide it's either the... the prison or the nut house and the differences between them are pretty thin. There's another choice. -There's another choice. What? -What? Aquittal. -Aquittal. How? -How? Innocence. Legal innocence. I know the judge would be happy for any reason to throw this case out of court. -All right, what do you need. Answers. -When would Agnes have conceived the child? Oh, some time in January. -Oh, some time in January. Do you remember anything unusual happening at the time? -Do you remember anything unusual happening at the time? Earthquakes? -Earthquakes? Visitors to the convent. -Visitors to the convent. Nothing. -Nothing. Do you have a... a diary or a day book? -Do you have a... a diary or a day book? Yes. -Yes. Take at look at it. -There's nothing here. Was the child full term? -Was the child full term? Oh, Dear God... -Oh, Dear God... What is it? -What is it? The sheets... -The sheets... What sheets? -What sheets? Oh, Dear God, I should have guessed... -When was that? The twenty third of January. On that night one of our elder nuns passed away. -The twenty third of January. On that night one of our elder nuns passed away. Sister Paul? -Sister Paul? Yes. I don't remember where Agnes was. I was needed in the sick room. -You lied to me About what? -About what? Your niece! -Your niece! I didn't tell you because I didn't think it was important. -I didn't tell you because I didn't think it was important. No, it just makes you doubly responsible doesn't it? -No, it just makes you doubly responsible doesn't it? I never saw Agnes until she set foot in this convent. My sister ran away from home. We lost touch with her. And when my husband died and I came here, she wrote to me and asked me if I would take care of Agnes in case anything happened. -I never saw Agnes until she set foot in this convent. My sister ran away from home. We lost touch with her. And when my husband died and I came here, she wrote to me and asked me if I would take care of Agnes in case anything happened. And Agnes' father? -Like keeping her home from school? Yes. -Yes. Listening to angels? -Listening to angels? She drank too much. That's what killed her. -She drank too much. That's what killed her. Do you know what she did to her? -Do you know what she did to her? I don't think I care to know. -I don't think I care to know. She molested her! -She molested her! Oh, dear God. -Oh, dear God. There is more here than meets the eye isn't there? Lots of dirty little secrets. -There is more here than meets the eye isn't there? Lots of dirty little secrets. Oh God, if only I'd known. -Oh God, if only I'd known. Why didn't you? You knew she was keeping her home from school. You knew she was an alcoholic. -Why didn't you? You knew she was keeping her home from school. You knew she was an alcoholic. I knew that after the fact. -I knew that after the fact. Why didn't you do anything to stop her? -Why didn't you do anything to stop her? Because I didn't know... -Because I didn't know... Oh, God. -And my permission? I'd like yours too. -We'll see about that. Don't deny it! -Don't deny it! I haven't decided yet. -I haven't decided yet. The woman's health is at stake. -The woman's health is at stake. Her spiritual health. -Her spiritual health. I don't give a damn about her spiritual health. -I don't give a damn about her spiritual health. I know you don't. -An unhappy woman... She's happy with us and she could go on being happy if she was left alone. -She's happy with us and she could go on being happy if she was left alone. Then why did you call the police in the first place Mother, huh? -Because I am a moral person. Bullshit! -Bullshit! Bullshit yourself! -Bullshit yourself! Catholic Church doesn't have a corner on morality... -Catholic Church doesn't have a corner on morality... Who said anything about the Catholic Church... -Who said anything about the Catholic Church... You just said... -You just said... What the hell has the Catholic Church got to do with you? -What the hell has the Catholic Church got to do with you? Nothing... -Nothing... What have we done to hurt you? And don't deny it, I can smell an ex-Catholic a mile away. What did we do? Burn a few heretics, sell some indulgences? That was in the days when the Church was a ruling body. We let governments do those things today. So what did we do to you eh? You wanted to neck in the back seat of a car when you were fifteen and you couldn't because it was a sin? -It wasn't sex. It was a lot of things, but it wasn't sex. You know when I was in the first grade my best friend was run over on the way to school, you know what the nun said? She died because she hadn't said her morning prayers. Stupid woman... and that's all? -Stupid woman... and that's all? That's all? That's enough! She was a beautiful little girl. -That's all? That's enough! She was a beautiful little girl. And what has that to do with it? -And what has that to do with it? I wasn't. I wasn't. She was the pretty one. She died, why not me? I never said my morning prayers. And I was ugly, I was scrawny, I had buck teeth and freckles all over my face, do you know what the nun called me, Sister Mary Clitus, called me Polkadot Livingston. -I wasn't. I wasn't. She was the pretty one. She died, why not me? I never said my morning prayers. And I was ugly, I was scrawny, I had buck teeth and freckles all over my face, do you know what the nun called me, Sister Mary Clitus, called me Polkadot Livingston. So you left the Church because you had freckles? -So you left the Church because you had freckles? No, because I... yeah, yeah I left the Church cause I had freckles. -My sister died in a convent. And it's her voice I hear. Does my smoking bother you? No, it reminds me. -No, it reminds me. Would you like one? Huh? -Would you like one? Huh? I'd love one. -I'm out of prac... ... practice. All right? -All right? Fine thanks... -Fine thanks... Do you suppose the saints would have smoked if tobacco had been popular back then? -Do you suppose the saints would have smoked if tobacco had been popular back then? Undoubtedly. Not the ascetics of course but, well Saint Thomas More... -Undoubtedly. Not the ascetics of course but, well Saint Thomas More... Long, thin and filtered. -Long, thin and filtered. Saint Ignatius would smoke cigars and stub them out on the soles of his bare feet. And of course -Saint Ignatius would smoke cigars and stub them out on the soles of his bare feet. And of course Hand rolled. -Hand rolled. Even Christ would partake socially. -Even Christ would partake socially. Saint Peter? -Saint Peter? Pipe! -Pipe! Right... -Right... Mary Magdelen? -Mary Magdelen? Oh, you've come a long way baby. -Oh, you've come a long way baby. And Saint John would chew tobacco. -Right. What do you suppose today's saints are smoking? There are no saints today. Good people yes, but extraordinarily good people... those I'm afraid we are sorely lacking. -There are no saints today. Good people yes, but extraordinarily good people... those I'm afraid we are sorely lacking. Do you think they ever existed? -Do you think they ever existed? Yes I do. -Yes I do. Do you want to become one? -Do you want to become one? Become? One is born a saint. -Become? One is born a saint. Well you can try, can't you, to be good? -Well you can try, can't you, to be good? Yes, but goodness has very little to do with it. Not all the saints were good, in fact some of them were a little crazy. But... they were still attached to God. Agnes has that birth. No more... we're born, we live, we die. No room for miracles. Oh my dear, how I miss the miracles. -Do you think Agnes is still attached to God? Listen to her singing. -Listen to her singing. I'd like to begin. -I'd like to begin. Begin what? -Begin what? The hypnotism. Do you still disapprove? -The hypnotism. Do you still disapprove? Would it stop you if I did? -Would it stop you if I did? No. -May I be present? Of course. -Of course. Then let's begin. -Stop this, she'll hurt herself I'm not going to allow this. NO... no... I said leave her alone. -I've just met with the bishop. We're taking you off the case. You're what? -You're what? If we want to hire a psychiatrist for Agnes. we'll find our own, thank you. -If we want to hire a psychiatrist for Agnes. we'll find our own, thank you. One that will ask the questions you want asked. -One that will ask the questions you want asked. One that will approach this matter with some objectivity and respect. -One that will approach this matter with some objectivity and respect. For the Church? -For the Church? For Agnes. -For Agnes. You think she's a saint? -You think she's a saint? She's been touched by God, yes. -She's been touched by God, yes. How? How? She hallucinates, stops eating and bleeds spontaneously. Is that supposed to convince me she shouldn't be touched. Give me a miracle. -How? How? She hallucinates, stops eating and bleeds spontaneously. Is that supposed to convince me she shouldn't be touched. Give me a miracle. The father! -The father! Who is he? -Who is he? Why must he be anybody? -Why must he be anybody? My God, you're as crazy as... -My God, you're as crazy as... Stop laughing, I don't say it's the truth, I'm saying... -Stop laughing, I don't say it's the truth, I'm saying... How ? -How ? Don't be ridiculous. -Don't be ridiculous. Well give me a reasonable explanation -Well give me a reasonable explanation A miracle is an event without an explanation. If she's capable of putting a hole in her hand without benefit of a nail, why couldn't she split a cell in her womb? -A miracle is an event without an explanation. If she's capable of putting a hole in her hand without benefit of a nail, why couldn't she split a cell in her womb? This is insane. -This is insane. There as no man in the convent on that night and no way for any man to get in or out. -There as no man in the convent on that night and no way for any man to get in or out. You're saying God did it? -But how did it happen? You'll never find the answer for everything God did. -You'll never find the answer for everything God did. I thought you didn't believe in miracles today Mother? -I thought you didn't believe in miracles today Mother? But I want the opportunity to believe. I want the choice to believe. -But I want the opportunity to believe. I want the choice to believe. But what you are choosing to believe is a lie because you won't face the fact that she was raped... or seduced... or that she did the seducing. -But what you are choosing to believe is a lie because you won't face the fact that she was raped... or seduced... or that she did the seducing. She is an innocent. -She is an innocent. But she is not an enigma Mother. Everything that Agnes has done is explainable from modern psychiatry. One, two, three, right down the line. -But she is not an enigma Mother. Everything that Agnes has done is explainable from modern psychiatry. One, two, three, right down the line. That's what you believe she is? The sum of her psychological parts? -That's what you believe she is? The sum of her psychological parts? That's what I have to believe... -That's what I have to believe... Then why are you so obsessed with her? You're losing sleep over her? You're thinking about her all the time. You're bent on saving her. Why? -There's a tunnel out of the crypt into the barn. Did you know about that? There's an answer Mother. That's how she got out. That's crazy. How could she find out about it? -That's crazy. How could she find out about it? Somebody told her. -Somebody told her. Who? That tun... that tunnel hasn't been used in fifty years. -Who? That tun... that tunnel hasn't been used in fifty years. Oh, would you stop lying Mother! -Oh, would you stop lying Mother! Why would I lie? -Why would I lie? Because it's murder we're talking about. Aren't you concerned about what she told us about the other person in her room. -Because it's murder we're talking about. Aren't you concerned about what she told us about the other person in her room. I'm concerned about her health. -I'm concerned about her health. Who was that person Mother? Was it you? -Who was that person Mother? Was it you? If you believe this is murder, it is the Crown attorney you have to talk to, not me. And definitely not Agnes. -This is permission to take her apart. Where is she? -Where is she? Hasn't she had enough? -Hasn't she had enough? I have a few more questions to ask her. -I have a few more questions to ask her. My God, but you're determined. -Who knew she was pregnant? Why do you insist upon pressing... -Why do you insist upon pressing... Was it you? -Was it you? Is it because she's a nun? -Is it because she's a nun? Did you know she was pregnant? -Did you know she was pregnant? Yes. -Yes. And you didn't send her to a doctor. -And you didn't send her to a doctor. I didn't guess until it was too late. -I didn't guess until it was too late. For what? An abortion? -For what? An abortion? Oh, don't be ridiculous. -Oh, don't be ridiculous. Too late for what? -Too late for what? I don't know... too late to stop it. -I don't know... too late to stop it. The baby? -The baby? The scandal... -The scandal... You went to the room to help with the birth. -You went to the room to help with the birth. She didn't want any help. -She didn't want any help. You wanted that child out of the way. -You wanted that child out of the way. That's a lie. -That's a lie. You hid the wastepaper basket in her room. -You hid the wastepaper basket in her room. I didn't hide it. I put it there for the blood and the dirty sheets. -I didn't hide it. I put it there for the blood and the dirty sheets. And the baby. -And the baby. No! -No! You tied the cord around its neck. -You tied the cord around its neck. I wanted her to have it when no-one else was around, they would have taken the baby to a hospital and left it with them, but it was such a difficult birth, there was so much blood and I panicked. -I wanted her to have it when no-one else was around, they would have taken the baby to a hospital and left it with them, but it was such a difficult birth, there was so much blood and I panicked. Before or after you killed the child? -Before or after you killed the child? I left it with her and I went for help. -I left it with her and I went for help. I doubt that's what she'd say. -I doubt that's what she'd say. Then she's a liar. -That's enough. Agnes, what happened to the baby? -Agnes, what happened to the baby? She can't remember. -She can't remember. What happened to the baby? -Oh, don't do this! Wasn't it! -Of course, John. "Yes, they were playing the queues outside the picture palaces of Liverpool. Scruffy young lads, lacking even the price of a jam roll. Orphans, every Paddy's son of 'em. I saw their potential at once although I had me doubts about the little fella, a savage primitive, that Ringo, but it was him what gave in first. He picked up a brick and heaved it at me and I quelled him wid one fierce flash of me eyes. ""Mister, can you spare us a copper?"" he said. I was disarmed by the grubby little outstretched mauler ... So, I took them under me managerial banner." -"Yes, they were playing the queues outside the picture palaces of Liverpool. Scruffy young lads, lacking even the price of a jam roll. Orphans, every Paddy's son of 'em. I saw their potential at once although I had me doubts about the little fella, a savage primitive, that Ringo, but it was him what gave in first. He picked up a brick and heaved it at me and I quelled him wid one fierce flash of me eyes. ""Mister, can you spare us a copper?"" he said. I was disarmed by the grubby little outstretched mauler ... So, I took them under me managerial banner." The usual ten per cent? -The usual ten per cent? Oh, not at all, I let them have twenty-five; sure aren't there four of them? -Oh, not at all, I let them have twenty-five; sure aren't there four of them? How fascinating. Do go on ... ... John. -How fascinating. Do go on ... ... John. ... Oh, I'm all heart, Ma'am, all heart ... Well, I let ... -Lay them down. Eh? -Eh? Lay them down. -Lay them down. We'd be thrown out. -We'd be thrown out. Your cards... lay them down... face up. -They're yours. They are? -They are? The cards... you're bank. -Here, mate, that's my hoop, stop playing with it. Hoop, this isn't a hoop, it's a lethal weapon. Have you got a licence for it? -Hoop, this isn't a hoop, it's a lethal weapon. Have you got a licence for it? Oh don't be so stroppy! -Oh don't be so stroppy! "Well! A boy of your age bowling ""hoop"" at people. How old are you anyway?" -"Well! A boy of your age bowling ""hoop"" at people. How old are you anyway?" Nine. -Nine. Bet you're only eight and a half. -Bet you're only eight and a half. Eight and two thirds. -Eight and two thirds. Well, there you are and watch it with that hoop. -Well, there you are and watch it with that hoop. Gerron out of it, you're only jealous 'cause you're old. -Gerron out of it, you're only jealous 'cause you're old. Shurrup! -Shurrup! I bet you're -- sixteen! -I bet you're -- sixteen! Fifteen and two thirds, actually. -Fifteen and two thirds, actually. Well -- -Well -- All right, take your hoop and bowl. -Oh you can have it, I'm packing it in -- it depresses me. Y'what? -Y'what? You heard, it gets on my wick. -You heard, it gets on my wick. Well that's lovely talk, that is. And another thing, why aren't you at school? -Well that's lovely talk, that is. And another thing, why aren't you at school? I'm a deserter. -I'm a deserter. Are you now? -Are you now? Yeah, I've blown school out. -Yeah, I've blown school out. Just you? -Just you? No, Ginger, Eddy Fallon and Ding Dong. -No, Ginger, Eddy Fallon and Ding Dong. Ding Dong? Oh Ding Dong Bell, eh? -Ding Dong? Oh Ding Dong Bell, eh? Yeah, that's right, they was supposed to come with us but they chickened. -Yeah, that's right, they was supposed to come with us but they chickened. Yeah? And they're your mates are they? -Yeah? And they're your mates are they? Yeah. -Yeah. Not much cop without 'em, is it? -Not much cop without 'em, is it? Oh, it's all right. -Oh, it's all right. Yeah? -Yeah? Yeah. -Yeah. What they like? -Ginger's mad, he says things all the time and Eddy's good at punching and spitting. How about Ding Dong? -How about Ding Dong? He's a big head and he fancies himself with it but you know it's all right 'cos he's one of the gang. -Why aren't you at work? I'm a deserter, too. -I'm a deserter, too. Oh. -What about all these letters? Read 'em! -Shurrup! Isn't it always the way? Picking on us little fellas. -Can you fix him for me? Yeah. -Yeah. Sixpence. -The police have the poor unfortunate lad in the Bridewell. The police station. -The police station. He'll be pulp by now. -All right, all right. If you don't need this lot, I'll lock 'em up in the dressing room till you do. Please do, I'll not need them for fifteen minutes. Thank you. -Sure. And hurry, they're not looking too happy. -Well, that's it, two minutes to the final run-through... they're bound to miss it... I'll murder that Lennon. -I'll murder that Lennon. But I suppose we can survive a missed run-through as long... -You don't think... They'll be here. -They'll be here. Oh now, they can't do that to me. It's all your fault. Oh yes it is and if they don't turn up I wouldn't be in your shoes for all the... -Boys, you don't know what this means to me. If you hadn't come back it would have been the epilogue or the news in Welsh for life. Aren't you supposed to be in that box? -Leave them drums alone. Oh, surely one can have a tiny touch. -Oh, surely one can have a tiny touch. If you so much as breathe heavy on them, I'm out on strike. -If you so much as breathe heavy on them, I'm out on strike. Aren't you being rather arbitrary? -Aren't you being rather arbitrary? That's right retreat behind a smoke screen of bourgeois cliches. I don't go round messing about with your ear-phones, do I? -That's right retreat behind a smoke screen of bourgeois cliches. I don't go round messing about with your ear-phones, do I? Spoil sport! -Spoil sport! Well! -Would you like to be a little more precise, sir? Well, that's the wrong line for a start. -Well, that's the wrong line for a start. Sorry? -"Yeah, you know, ""O.K. Buster, follow that car, there's a sawbuck in it for you if you get real close!""" Oh, yes, now I'm with you. [he changes his accent] But, gee, Mister, I've got my license to think of ... we're doing a hundred now ... -Ever seen one of these before? Ah ... a shamus, eh? -Ah ... a shamus, eh? I see you go to the night court. -I see you go to the night court. I've made the scene. -I've made the scene. Well, remember, its Leathery Magee up ahead in that convertible, so cover me in the stake-out. -We're nearly there, sir. Eh ... don't call him sir, he's got enough delusions of power as it is. -He doesn't like me, honest, I can tell ... It's 'cos I'm little. You've got an inferiority complex, you have. -You've got an inferiority complex, you have. Yeah, I know, that's why I took up the drums. It's me active compensatory factor. -Are you going in? No, she'll only reject me in the end and I'll be frustrated. -No, she'll only reject me in the end and I'll be frustrated. You never know, you might be lucky this time. -You never know, you might be lucky this time. No, I know the psychological pattern and it plays hell with me drum skins. -Me? Why? Bag-snatcher. -I don't snore. You do - repeatedly. -You do - repeatedly. Do I snore? -Eh, Ringo, do you know what happened to me? No. I don't. -Look, I'm terribly sorry but I'm afraid there's been some sort of a misunderstanding. Oh, you can come off it with us. You don't have to do the old adenoidal glottal stop and carry on for our benefit. -Oh, you can come off it with us. You don't have to do the old adenoidal glottal stop and carry on for our benefit. I'm afraid I don't understand. -I'm afraid I don't understand. Oh, my God, he's a natural. -We want you to give us your opinion on some clothes for teenagers. Oh, by all means, I'd be quite prepared for that eventuality. -Oh, by all means, I'd be quite prepared for that eventuality. Well, not your real opinion, naturally. It'll be written out and you'll learn it. Can he read? -Well, not your real opinion, naturally. It'll be written out and you'll learn it. Can he read? Of course I can. -Of course I can. I mean lines, ducky, can you handle lines? -I mean lines, ducky, can you handle lines? I'll have a bash. -I'll have a bash. Good. Hart, get him whatever it is they drink, a cokearama? -Good. Hart, get him whatever it is they drink, a cokearama? Ta. -Ta. Well, at least he's polite. Tony Show him the shirts, Adrian. -"Now, you'll like these. You really ""dig"" them. They're ""fab"" and all the other pimply hyperboles." I wouldn't be seen dead in them. They're dead grotty. -I wouldn't be seen dead in them. They're dead grotty. Grotty? -Grotty? Yeah, grotesque. -Yeah, grotesque. Make a note of that word and give it to Susan. I think it's rather touching really. Here's this kid trying to give me his utterly valueless opinion when I know for a fact within four weeks he'll be suffering from a violent inferiority complex and loss of status if he isn't wearing one of these nasty things. Of course they're grotty, you wretched nit, that's why they were designed, but that's what you'll want. -Make a note of that word and give it to Susan. I think it's rather touching really. Here's this kid trying to give me his utterly valueless opinion when I know for a fact within four weeks he'll be suffering from a violent inferiority complex and loss of status if he isn't wearing one of these nasty things. Of course they're grotty, you wretched nit, that's why they were designed, but that's what you'll want. But I won't. -But I won't. You can be replaced you know, chicky baby. -You can be replaced you know, chicky baby. I don't care. -I don't care. And that pose is out too, Sunny Jim. The new thing is to care passionately, and be right wing. Anyway, you won't meet Susan if you don't cooperate. -And that pose is out too, Sunny Jim. The new thing is to care passionately, and be right wing. Anyway, you won't meet Susan if you don't cooperate. And who's this Susan when she's at home? -And who's this Susan when she's at home? Only Susan Campey, our resident teenager. You'll have to love her. She's your symbol. -Only Susan Campey, our resident teenager. You'll have to love her. She's your symbol. Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong? -Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong? I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? Oh, yes, the lads frequently gather round the T.V. set to watch her for a giggle. Once we even all sat down and wrote these letters saying how gear she was and all that rubbish. -Oh, yes, the lads frequently gather round the T.V. set to watch her for a giggle. Once we even all sat down and wrote these letters saying how gear she was and all that rubbish. She's a trend setter. It's her profession! -She's a trend setter. It's her profession! She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things. -She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things. Get him out of here!! -Get him out of here!! Have I said something amiss? -Have I said something amiss? Get him out of here. He's knocking the programme's image!! -That's not your Grandfather. It is, y'know. -It is, y'know. But your Grandfather lives in your house. I've seen him. -But your Grandfather lives in your house. I've seen him. Oh, that's me other Grandfather, but this one's me Grandfather and all. -You see, he was going to get married but she threw him over for a butcher. A butcher? -A butcher? Yeah, she was fickle. -Gerron. No, straight up. -Aye and we'll have to watch it and all. I suggest you just give him the photos and have done with it. -Aye, but don't rush. None of your five bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff. Now what's that supposed to mean? -Now what's that supposed to mean? I don't really know, but it sounded distinguished, like, didn't it? -Did you look in here? No. I mean, it's probably a honeymoon couple or a company director or something. -No. I mean, it's probably a honeymoon couple or a company director or something. Well, let's broaden our outlook. -Sure. . Ah well. Eh, look! -What's up? He's sulking again. -Ringo! Wake up! -Oh, listen to teacher's pet. You crawler. -Eh, I don't know if you realise it, but ... We do. -We do. Yes. Your grandfather's stirred him up. -Yes. Your grandfather's stirred him up. He hasn't. -He hasn't. Yes, he's filled his head with notions seemingly. -Yes, he's filled his head with notions seemingly. The old mixer, come on we'll have to put him right. -Oh, there you are! Oh, I'm sorry, I must have made a mistake. -Oh, I'm sorry, I must have made a mistake. You haven't, you're just late. Oh, yes, he's going to be very pleased with you. -You haven't, you're just late. Oh, yes, he's going to be very pleased with you. Is he? -Is he? Yes, you're quite a feather in the cap. Hello, I've got one ... oh, I think so ... yes, he can talk ... Well ... I think you ought to see him. Of course, right away. -Well ... come on. Sorry. -Oh, Paul, you can't have your own way!!! If I let you have your own way, you little rascal, will you respect me? -Come on, Auntie, you're winning. Get in there, Paul, she's weakening. -That must have cost you a fortune in stamps, Ringo. He comes from a large family. -Should I say it? Follow your impulse. -I don't think that bit's right. What do you expect from an ad lib ... Raymond Chandler? -How'd you like a dirty great drum roll giving you a clout right in the middle of your solo? You're getting out of hand. I don't know what's come over you today. -It's happened at last, we've become a limited company. I'll look in here again. -What are we waiting for? Come here. -Morning! Who's that little old man? It's Paul's grandfather. -It's Paul's grandfather. Oh aye, but I thought ... -No, I didn't you did ... Well, what happened? -Well, what happened? The old fella wanted these pictures and Norm said he couldn't have 'em, all I said was 'aw go on, be big about it.' -Hello, he's not talking to me. He's having a sulk. Well, it must be catching. He's given it to the champ here. -Sorry. Eh, there's only three of them. -Oh! Well ... go 'head, do the next bit. -Well ... go 'head, do the next bit. Go away! You've spoilt it. -Go away! You've spoilt it. Oh, sorry I spoke. -Are you supposed to be here? I've got you worried, haven't I? -I've got you worried, haven't I? I'm warning you, they'll be back in a minute. -I'm warning you, they'll be back in a minute. "D'you know something, ""They"" don't worry me at all. Anyroad, I only fancy listening to you ... that's all but if it worries you ... well ..." -"D'you know something, ""They"" don't worry me at all. Anyroad, I only fancy listening to you ... that's all but if it worries you ... well ..." You're from Liverpool, aren't you? -You're from Liverpool, aren't you? How'd you guess? -How'd you guess? Oh, it's the way you talk. -Oh, it's the way you talk. Is it ... is it, really? -Is it ... is it, really? Are you pulling my leg? -Are you pulling my leg? Something like that. -Something like that. I see. Do you like the play? -I see. Do you like the play? Yeah ... I mean, sure, well, I took it at school but I only ever heard boys and masters saying those lines, like, sounds different on a girl. Yeah, it's gear on a girl. -Yeah ... I mean, sure, well, I took it at school but I only ever heard boys and masters saying those lines, like, sounds different on a girl. Yeah, it's gear on a girl. Gear? -Gear? Aye, the big hammer, smashing! -Aye, the big hammer, smashing! Thank you. -Thank you. Don't mench ... well, why don't you give us a few more lines, like? -You don't half slam the door in people's faces, do you? I mean, what about when you're playing the part, like, hundreds of people'll see you and ... I'm not ... -I'm not ... Oh, you're the understudy, sort of thing? -Oh, you're the understudy, sort of thing? No. I'm a walk-on in a fancy dress scene. I just felt like doing those lines. -No. I'm a walk-on in a fancy dress scene. I just felt like doing those lines. Oh, I see. You are an actress though, aren't you? -Oh, I see. You are an actress though, aren't you? Yes. -Yes. Aye, I knew you were. -Aye, I knew you were. What's that mean? -What's that mean? "Well, the way you were spouting, like .... ""I don't believe you, sir..."" and all that. Yeah, it was gear." -"Well, the way you were spouting, like .... ""I don't believe you, sir..."" and all that. Yeah, it was gear." The big hammer? -The big hammer? Oh aye, a sledge. -Oh aye, a sledge. But the way you did it then sounded so phony. -But the way you did it then sounded so phony. No ... I wouldn't say that ... just like an actress ... you know. -But that's not like a real person at all. Aye well, actresses aren't like real people, are they? -Aye well, actresses aren't like real people, are they? They ought to be. -They ought to be. Oh, I don't know, anyroad up, they never are, are they? -Oh, I don't know, anyroad up, they never are, are they? What are you? -What are you? I'm in a group ... well ... there are four of us, we play and sing. -I'm in a group ... well ... there are four of us, we play and sing. I bet you don't sound like real people. -I bet you don't sound like real people. We do, you know. We sound like us having a ball. It's fab. -We do, you know. We sound like us having a ball. It's fab. Is it really fab or are you just saying that to convince yourself? -Is it really fab or are you just saying that to convince yourself? What of? Look, I wouldn't do it unless I was. I'm dead lucky 'cos I get paid for doing something I love doing. -... all this and a jam butty too!! I only enjoy acting for myself. I hate it when other people are let in. -I only enjoy acting for myself. I hate it when other people are let in. Why? I mean, which are you, scared or selfish? -Why? I mean, which are you, scared or selfish? Why selfish? -Why selfish? Well, you've got to have people to taste your treacle toffee. -"No, hang on, I've not gone daft. You see, when I was little me mother let me make some treacle toffee one time in our back scullery. When I'd done she said to me, ""Go and give some to the other kids."" So, I said I would but I thought to meself, ""She must think I'm soft."" Anyroad, I was eating away there but I wanted somebody else to know how good it was so in the end I wound up giving it all away ... but I didn't mind, mind, 'cos I'd made the stuff in the first place. Well ... that's why you need other people... an audience ... to taste your treacle toffee, like. Eh ... does that sound as thickheaded to you as it does to me?" Not really but I'm probably not a toffee maker. How would you do those lines of mine? -Not really but I'm probably not a toffee maker. How would you do those lines of mine? Well, look at it this way, I mean, when you come right down to it, that girl, she's a bit of a scrubber, isn't she? -Well, look at it this way, I mean, when you come right down to it, that girl, she's a bit of a scrubber, isn't she? Is she? -Is she? Of course ... Look, if she was a Liverpool scrubber ... Eh, fella, you want to try pulling the other one, it's got a full set of bells hanging off it ... Y'what? ... I know your sort, two cokes and a packet of cheese and onion crisps and suddenly it's love and we're stopping in an empty shop doorway. You're just after me body and y'can't have it ... so there!! -Of course ... Look, if she was a Liverpool scrubber ... Eh, fella, you want to try pulling the other one, it's got a full set of bells hanging off it ... Y'what? ... I know your sort, two cokes and a packet of cheese and onion crisps and suddenly it's love and we're stopping in an empty shop doorway. You're just after me body and y'can't have it ... so there!! And you honestly think that's what she meant? -And you honestly think that's what she meant? Oh, definitely, it sticks out a mile, she's trying to get him to marry her but he doesn't want ... well ... I don't reckon any fella's ever wanted to get married. But girls are like that, clever and cunning. You've got to laugh. -Well, it's nice to know you think we're clever. And cunning. -And cunning. And what do you do about it? -And what do you do about it? Me? Oh, I don't have the time, I'm always running about with the lads ... no, we don't have the time. -Me? Oh, I don't have the time, I'm always running about with the lads ... no, we don't have the time. Pity. -Pity. Aye, it is but as long as you get by, it's all right, you know ... bash on, happy valley's when they let you stop. Anyroad, I'd better get back. -Aye, it is but as long as you get by, it's all right, you know ... bash on, happy valley's when they let you stop. Anyroad, I'd better get back. Yes. -Yes. See you. -See you. Of course. -Ah. Quite right, invites to gambling dens full of easy money and fast women, chicken sandwiches and cornets of caviar, disgusting! -Will you ever look at him, sitting there wid his hooter scraping away at that book! Well ... what's the matter with that? -Well ... what's the matter with that? Have you no natural resources of your own? Have they even robbed you of that? -Have you no natural resources of your own? Have they even robbed you of that? You can learn from books. -You can learn from books. Can you now? Aah ... sheeps' heads! You learn more by getting out there and living. -Can you now? Aah ... sheeps' heads! You learn more by getting out there and living. Out where? -Out where? Any old where ... but not our little Richard ... oh no! When you're not thumping them pagan skins, you're tormenting your eyes wid that rubbish! -Any old where ... but not our little Richard ... oh no! When you're not thumping them pagan skins, you're tormenting your eyes wid that rubbish! Books are good! -Books are good! Parading's better! -Parading's better! Parading? -Parading? That's it, parading the streets ... trailing your coat ... bowling along ... living! -That's it, parading the streets ... trailing your coat ... bowling along ... living! Well, I am living, aren't I? -Well, I am living, aren't I? You're living, are you? When was the last time you gave a girl a pink-edged daisy? When did you last embarrass a sheila wid your cool appraising stare? -You're living, are you? When was the last time you gave a girl a pink-edged daisy? When did you last embarrass a sheila wid your cool appraising stare? Eh ... you're a bit old for that sort of chat, aren't you? -Eh ... you're a bit old for that sort of chat, aren't you? At least I've a backlog of memories, but all you've got is that book! -At least I've a backlog of memories, but all you've got is that book! Aaah ... stop picking on me... you're as bad as the rest of them. -Aaah ... stop picking on me... you're as bad as the rest of them. So you are a man after all. -So you are a man after all. What's that mean? -What's that mean? Do you think I haven't noticed ... do you think I wasn't aware of the drift? Oh ... you poor unfortunate scuff, they've driven you into books by their cruel, unnatural treatment, exploiting your good nature. -Do you think I haven't noticed ... do you think I wasn't aware of the drift? Oh ... you poor unfortunate scuff, they've driven you into books by their cruel, unnatural treatment, exploiting your good nature. Oh ... I dunno. -Oh ... I dunno. And that lot's never happier than when they're jeering at you ... and where would they be without the steady support of your drum beat, I'd like to know. -And that lot's never happier than when they're jeering at you ... and where would they be without the steady support of your drum beat, I'd like to know. Yeah ... that's right. -Yeah ... that's right. And what's it all come to in the end? -And what's it all come to in the end? Yeah ... what's in it for me? -Yeah ... what's in it for me? A book! -A book! Yeah ... a bloomin' book! -When you could be out there betraying a rich American widow or sipping palm wine in Tahiti before you're too old like me. A fine neat and trim lad the class of you should be helping himself to life's goodies before the sands run out. Being an old age pensioner's a terrible drag on a man and every second you waste is bringing you nearer the Friday queue at the Post Office. Yeah ... funny really, 'cos I'd never thought of it but being middle-aged and old takes up most of your time, doesn't it? -Yeah ... funny really, 'cos I'd never thought of it but being middle-aged and old takes up most of your time, doesn't it? You're only right. -You're only right. I'm not wrong. -Where are you off to? I'm going parading before it's too late! -Ringo, me old scout, they grabbed yer leg for the iron too, did they? Well I'm not exactly a voluntary patient. -Well I'm not exactly a voluntary patient. Shush! Have they roughed you up yet? -Shush! Have they roughed you up yet? What? -What? Keep your voice down, this lot'll paste you, just for the exercise. Oh they're a desperate crew of drippings and they've fists like matured hams for pounding defenceless lads like you. -Keep your voice down, this lot'll paste you, just for the exercise. Oh they're a desperate crew of drippings and they've fists like matured hams for pounding defenceless lads like you. Have they? -Have they? That sergeant's a body-blow veteran if ever I measured one. One of us has got to escape. I'll get the boys. Hold on son, I'll be back for you. -That sergeant's a body-blow veteran if ever I measured one. One of us has got to escape. I'll get the boys. Hold on son, I'll be back for you. Me! -Me! And if they get you on the floor watch out for your brisket. -And if they get you on the floor watch out for your brisket. Oh, they seem all right to me. -Oh, they seem all right to me. That's what they want you to think. All coppers are villains. -What are you doing? Lip reading. -Lip reading. What are they saying? -What are they saying? Nothing good. -Well, you got me here so do your worst but I'll take one of you with me. Oh, I know your game, get me in the tiled room and out come the rubber hoses but I'll defy you still. Is there a fire, then? -You ugly, great brute you, you have sadism stamped all over your bloated British kisser. Eh? -Eh? I'll go on a hunger strike. I know your caper. The kidney punch and the rabbit-clout. The third degree and the size twelve boot ankle-tap. -I'll go on a hunger strike. I know your caper. The kidney punch and the rabbit-clout. The third degree and the size twelve boot ankle-tap. What's he on about? -What's he on about? I'm soldier of the Republic, you'll need the mahogany truncheon for this boyo. A nation once again. -I'm soldier of the Republic, you'll need the mahogany truncheon for this boyo. A nation once again. Get Lloyd George over there with that mechanic in the cloth cap while I sort this lot out. -Would you two like a cup of tea? You see, sly villains. -Hello, Grandfather! Hello. -Hello. He can talk then? -And we're looking after him, are we? I'll look after meself. -Come on let's get this coffee. Before you go, I think it's only fair to warn you about me Grandson ... don't let our Paul have his own way all the time, 'cos if you do he won't respect you! -That's right; convict without trial ... Habeas corpus. Every morning. -That'll keep you busy. It's your nose, y'see. Fans are funny that way. Take a dislike to things. They'll pick on a nose... -Stay where you are everybody this is a raid and we want him. Who are these ruffians?... I've never seen them before in my life! ... -You see. You know your trouble -- you should have gone West to America. You'd have wound up a Senior Citizen of Boston. As it is you took the wrong turning and what happened, you're a lonely old man from Liverpool. But I'm clean. -Oh no, you're not. You've gone too far this time ... and who's paying for all this? It's all taken care of. It's down on our bill. -It's all taken care of. It's down on our bill. Oh, well that's all right. What? -And to think me own grandson would have let them put me behind bars! Don't dramatise. -All right, how about Ringo? I mean ... he's very upset, you know ... and as far as your girlfriend, little Audrey's concerned, she's finished with men for the rest of her natural, and another thing ... A harmless bit of fun, aah, none of you have any sense of humour left these days. -A harmless bit of fun, aah, none of you have any sense of humour left these days. Oh, it's all right for you but those two girls were scared to death! Honest, Grandad, why? I mean, why do you do these things? -Oh, it's all right for you but those two girls were scared to death! Honest, Grandad, why? I mean, why do you do these things? You're left-handed, aren't you, Paul? -You're left-handed, aren't you, Paul? Yeah ... so what? -Yeah ... so what? Why do you always use your left hand? -Why do you always use your left hand? Well, don't be daft, I've got to. -Well, don't be daft, I've got to. And I take a left-handed view of life, I've got to. -With a trombone hooter like yours it'd be unnatural if you didn't. Don't mock the afflicted, Pauly. -Don't mock the afflicted, Pauly. Oh for Pete's sake, It's only a joke. -Oh for Pete's sake, It's only a joke. Well, it may be a joke, but it's his nose. He can't help having a horrible great nose, it's the only one he's got. And his poor little head's trembling under the weight of it. -Anything to spare? We've just finished, Pauly. Hey George, write us your John Henry on this picture. -And another thing, where's that old mixer? Here, Pauly. -No, that's his other one. That's all right then. -That's all right then. Clean though, isn't he? -Clean though, isn't he? Oh yes, he's clean all right. -Is that yours? For Ringo. -Aye, he looks a right lurker. You're undressed. Where are your clothes? -Well, what are we waiting for? Aye, come on, honest, that grandfather of yours is worse than any of you lot. -What are you doing there? Hiding. -Hiding. I think you're soft or something. -Eh ... pardon me for asking but who's that little old man? What little old man? -What little old man? That little old man. -That little old man. Oh, that one. That's me Grandfather. -How d'you reckon that one out? Well ... everyone's entitled to two, aren't they, and this is me other one. -Well ... everyone's entitled to two, aren't they, and this is me other one. Well we know that but what's he doing here? -Well we know that but what's he doing here? Well, me mother thought the trip 'ud do him good. -Aye and fond of fresh meat and all. No ... it was his sweetbreads. She was dead kinky for sweetbreads. Anyroad, me mother thought it'ud give him a change of scenery, like. -No ... it was his sweetbreads. She was dead kinky for sweetbreads. Anyroad, me mother thought it'ud give him a change of scenery, like. Oh, I see. -Eh, he's a nice old man, isn't he? Oh yeah, he's very clean, y'know. -Aye, that's what I'm afraid of! He's got you worried, then? -He's got you worried, then? Him, he costs you a fortune in breach of promise cases. He's a villain and a right mixer as well. -Gie's a kiss! Shurrup! Look, Mister, we've paid for our seats too, you know. -Give 'em a pull. Shall I? -I hope he fell off. Don't be callous. -We've broken out, oh, the blessed freedom of it all! Eh, have you got a nail file, these handcuffs are killing me. I was framed. I was innocent. Will you stop it! Sorry to disturb you, miss... -Don't worry, son, we'll get you the best lawyer trading stamps can buy. Oh, it's a laugh a line with Lennon. Anyroad up ... It's all your fault. -Gaw, it's depressing in here, isn't it? Funny... 'cos they usually reckon dogs more than people in England, don't they? You'd expect something a little more palatial. Come on. Let's have a little action. Let's do something, then. Like what? -Like what? Well, I've got me gob stopper. Look, a genuine Stradivarius, hand tooled at Dagenham. -Let's go and muck in. Aye, before anyone stops us. -You won't interfere with the basic rugged concept of my personality, will you, girl? Eh, don't take out me lines. -Behave... Foreign devil ... -What's he know? Nothing, he's trying to brainwash me and give me personality doubts ... oh, he's a swine but a clever swine, mind. -She's going to show me her stamp collection. So's mine. -We've got only half an hour till the final run-through. He can't walk out on us. Can't he? He's done it, son! -Well, I got a few things to say to you, two-faced John McCartney. Aw, leave him alone Paul, he's back, isn't he? And it's not his fault he's old. -Aw, leave him alone Paul, he's back, isn't he? And it's not his fault he's old. What's old got to do with it? -What's old got to do with it? You needn't bother. -You needn't bother. Y'what? -Y'what? Practising to be thick-headed, you're there already. -Practising to be thick-headed, you're there already. Look he's a mixer and a trouble maker! -Look he's a mixer and a trouble maker! That's right, but he's only asking us to pay attention to him, aren't you? -Are you listening to me, Lennon? You're a swine, isn't he George? -If you're going to have a barney I'll hold your coats. He started it. -Eh, have you got Paul's grandfather? Of course, he's concealed about me person. -Of course, he's concealed about me person. No ... he's must have slipped off somewhere. -Don't move, any of you. They've gone potty out there. The whole place is surging with girls. Please, can I have one to surge with? -Please, can I have one to surge with? No. -No. Ah, go on, you swine. -Ah, go on, you swine. No, you can't. Look, as soon as I tell you, run through this door here and into the big car that's waiting. -Paul, John, George - get at it. Hello the income tax have caught up with us at last. -Oh, it's got round that you're a heavy punter. Well you're not going. -I'll brook no denial! It's all right for you, you couldn't get a pen in your foot, you swine. -It's all right for you, you couldn't get a pen in your foot, you swine. Come on, Shake, we'll leave 'em to their penmanship. -Now get on with it. We were going to do it. -We were going to do it. Aye, well, now! -Will you all stop it, you're like a gang of school kids. I knew this was going to happen one day. Well, you shouldn't have had bacon for your breakfast, you cannibal. -Let's have you. Come on speedy! -Don't cane me, sir, I was led astray. Oh shurrup and come on John. They're waiting for you in the studio. -Leave him alone, he's got swine fever. Sit down, the lot of you. -Leave him alone, Lennon, or I'll tell them all the truth about you. You wouldn't! -You wouldn't! I would though. -They're nearly ready for you. They're just finishing the band call. Gear! Come on, girls, let's have a bit of a dance. -John, I'm talking to you. This final run through is important. Understand? Important. Oink! Oink! -Hi Norm! Hi, our lot! -Control yourself or you'll spurt. He's bound to be somewhere. Aye, let's try the dressing room. -The office was on the phone, they think it'd be better if we pushed straight to Wolverhampton. Tonight? We can't make it ... -Tonight? We can't make it ... You've got a midnight matinee. -You've got a midnight matinee. Now, look here, Norm ... -Now, look here, Norm ... No, you look here, John. I've only one thing to say to you. -No, you look here, John. I've only one thing to say to you. What? -What? You're a swine. So hurry up ... we're travelling! -Hello. Hello. -Hello. Oh, wait a minute, don't tell me you're ... -Oh, wait a minute, don't tell me you're ... No, not me. -No, not me. Oh you are, I know you are. -Oh you are, I know you are. No, I'm not. -No, I'm not. You are. -You are. I'm not, no. -I'm not, no. Well, you look like him. -Well, you look like him. Oh do I? You're the first one who ever said that. -Oh do I? You're the first one who ever said that. Oh you do, look. -My eyes are lighter. Oh yes. -Oh yes. And my nose... -And my nose... Well, yes your nose is. Very. -Well, yes your nose is. Very. Is it? -Is it? I would have said so. -I would have said so. Aye, but you know him well. -Aye, but you know him well. No I don't, he's only a casual acquaintance. -No I don't, he's only a casual acquaintance. That's what you tell me. -That's what you tell me. What have you heard? -What have you heard? It's all over the place, everyone knows. -It's all over the place, everyone knows. Is it? Is it really? -Is it? Is it really? Mind you, I stood up for you, I mean I wouldn't have it. -Mind you, I stood up for you, I mean I wouldn't have it. I knew I could rely on you. -I knew I could rely on you. Thanks. -You're a window rattler, son. Well, that's just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul? -It'll only get you into trouble. Aah, shurrup, misery! -He's betrayed the class. Oh, leave off!!! -Oh, leave off!!! Temper! Temper! -Temper! Temper! Well ... -That's right. It's always me, isn't it? Since you ask, yes. Aah, come on, Ring, we love you. -Well! He'll get over it. -Well, look after him. I don't want to find you've lost him. Don't be cheeky, I'll bind him to me with promises. Come on, Grandad. -And? Your Grandfather pointed out Shake was always being taller than me just to spite me. -Your Grandfather pointed out Shake was always being taller than me just to spite me. I knew it, he started it, I should have known. -I knew it, he started it, I should have known. Y'what? -Y'what? You two have never had a quarrel in your life and in two minutes flat he's got you at it. He's a king mixer. Adam and Eve, meet the serpent. Anthony and Cleopatra, there's your asp. Divide and Conquer, that's this one's motto. He hates group unity so he gets everyone at it. -Have you lost him? Don't exaggerate. -Don't exaggerate. You've lost him. -Eh, where's my grandfather? Don't worry about him. He can look after himself. -Don't worry about him. He can look after himself. Aye, I suppose so. -I've got the stuff. Come here. Aren't we ... -Aren't we ... No, we're not! -Where's my grandfather? Don't start. Look. -He belongs to Paul. Ah well, there you go. Look, I'm going down the diner for a cup of coffee, are you coming? -None for me, then? Sorry. -That's mine. Have done, and you lot get your pens out. -Well ... When I tell you to stay put, stay put. -Oh dear, I feel like doing a bit of work. Good lad, Ringo. -Stop picking on him. I don't need you to defend me, y'know, Norm. -What do you think are you're up to? Someone put it on me. -Look after him. But... -But... Do I have to raise me voice? -Do I have to raise me voice? Oh, all right. Come here, Grandad. -Yeah, you want to watch it. It's not my fault. -It's not my fault. Well, you stick to that story, son. -Well, you stick to that story, son. I can't help it, I'm just taller than you. -I'm sorry Norm, but I can't help being taller than you. Well, you don't have to rub me nose in it. I've a good mind to ... -He's been gone a long time. Who? -Who? Paul's grandfather. -Paul's grandfather. Oh, I didn't notice, where'd he go? -Oh, I didn't notice, where'd he go? Down the ... er ... -Down the ... er ... Oh, down the ... er ...? -Oh, down the ... er ...? Yeah, down the ... er ... -Yeah, down the ... er ... Well, give a couple of minutes ... -Oh they've probably gone to the canteen, cup of tea, like. That's too easy for Lennon. -He's out there somewhere, causing trouble just to upset me. You're imagining it. You're letting things prey on your mind. -You're imagining it. You're letting things prey on your mind. Oh no... this is a battle of nerves between John and me. -Oh no... this is a battle of nerves between John and me. But John hasn't got any. -But John hasn't got any. What? -What? Nerves. -Nerves. I know, that's the trouble. -I'm adjusting the decibels on the inbalance. Clever. George. -... as they head up for the show. Oh yes, well I mean it'ud be a pity to miss the show, wouldn't it like. Shurrup, cheerful. -How's that? Oh ... he's nursing a broken heart. -Course he can talk. He's a human being, like. Isn't he? Well ... if he's your Grandfather, who knows? -"""The Management of Boyd's takes pleasure in requesting the company of Mr. Richard Starkey, that's you, in their recently refinished gaming rooms. Chemin de Fer. Baccarat, Roulette, and Champagne Buffet."" Blimey!" And they want me? -Oh, he's gone to my club, has he? Yeah, It's all your fault, getting invites to gambling clubs. He's probably in the middle of an orgy by now. -What's the matter with you? You were bashing away like a madman. You were twanging too loud. -Eh. I thought you were looking after the old man. Get knotted! -Put it this way, he's mislaid him. You can't trust you with anything, Norm, if you've lost him, I'll cripple you. -You can't trust you with anything, Norm, if you've lost him, I'll cripple you. He can't be far. -Eh, what's all this? Oh, him... He's been lurking. -Shove the gentleman jockey in the make-up room or something and keep your eye on him, will you? I'm an electrician, not a wet nurse, y'know. -I'm an electrician, not a wet nurse, y'know. I'll set John on you! -I'll set John on you! Oh, anything you say, Paul. -What is he? I've got a little list here. Wandering abroad. Malicious intent. Acting in a suspicious manner. Conduct liable to cause a breach of the peace. You name it, he's done it. -I've got a little list here. Wandering abroad. Malicious intent. Acting in a suspicious manner. Conduct liable to cause a breach of the peace. You name it, he's done it. Oh, a little savage, is he? -Oh, a little savage, is he? A proper Aborigine. -So you just brought the old chap out of the crowd for his own good. Yeah, but he insisted on us bringing him to the station. -Yeah, but he insisted on us bringing him to the station. Well, he can't stop here. -Oh... God... am I cold... Is that you, Roby? -Is that you, Roby? I feel like shit... -I feel like shit... Yeah, it's you all right. -I'm going to buy a cattle ranch. Cattle ranch! -Cattle ranch! I'm not kidding. You can get one if you have the credit. Look just like real cows, too. -If there is some kind of alien intelligence down on that planetoid, it'd be a serious mistake for us to blunder in unequipped. Hell, we're equipped -- -Hell, we're equipped -- Hell, no! We don't know what's down there on that piece of rock! It might be dangerous! What we should do is get on the radio to the exploration authorities... and let them deal with it. -Locked. Kill drive engines. -Engines off. Nine hundred meters and dropping. 800. 700. Hang on gentlemen. -Good! Maybe we'll be able to see something then. Or something will be able to see us. -There could be a whole city out there and we'd never see it. Not sitting on our butts in here, that's for sure. -Are you in pain? Not exactly, just feel like somebody's been beating me with rubber hoses for about six years. -Dell, what's the last thing you can remember? ... I don't know... -... I don't know... Do you remember the pyramid? -Do you remember the pyramid? No. Just some horrible dreams about smothering. Where are we? -Where's Irth? Sandy, scan the whole sky. -I don't recognize that constellation. Dell, plot our location. -I got it. Oh boy. Where the hell are we? -Where the hell are we? Just short of Zeta II Reticuli. We haven't even reached the outer rim yet. -Can you get it a little closer? That's what I'm going to do. -Any rotation? Yeah. Two hours. -Yeah. Two hours. Gravity? -Gravity? Point eight six. We can walk on it. -Except it will take 75 years to get a reply back. Don't forget how far we are from the Colonies, Martin. There are no commercial lanes out here. Face it, we're out of range. -Dell, I want greater magnification. More surface detail. I want to see what this place looks like. I'll see what I can do. -Activate lifter quads. Activated. Vertical drop checked. Correcting course. On tangential course now, orbiting. Crossing the terminator. Entering night side. -Approaching point of origin. Closing at 20 kilometers, 15 and slowing. Ten. Five. Gentlemen, we are directly above the source of the transmission. What's the terrain down there? -What's the terrain down there? Well, line of sight is impossible due to dust. Radar gives me noise. Sonar gives me noise. Infrared -- noise. Let's try ultraviolet. There. Flat. It's totally flat. A plain. -Well, line of sight is impossible due to dust. Radar gives me noise. Sonar gives me noise. Infrared -- noise. Let's try ultraviolet. There. Flat. It's totally flat. A plain. Is it solid? -Is it solid? It's... basalt. Rock. -It's... basalt. Rock. Then take her down. -Then take her down. Drop begins... now! Fifteen kilometers and dropping... twelve... ten... eight and slowing. Five. Three. Two. One kilometer and slowing. Lock tractor beams. -Close enough to walk to! Martin, would you run me an atmospheric? -I'm sending. Do you hear me? Receiving. -Appears to be a door hanging open, the entrance is clogged with debris. Looks like a derelict. -Looks like a derelict. Martin, we're going in. I'm going to hold the conversation to a minimum from here on. -I'll go first. No, you'll follow me. -Just machinery. But functioning. -This is Chaz. Chaz, this is Dell. Can you come topside for a minute? -Chaz, this is Dell. Can you come topside for a minute? What's up? -What's up? Well, the sun just came up again, and it seems the wind's died down. It's as clear as a bell outside. There's something I think you ought to see. -Well, the sun just came up again, and it seems the wind's died down. It's as clear as a bell outside. There's something I think you ought to see. I'm on my way. -What is it? Take a look. -I was scanning the horizon to see what I could pick up. Look there, on that screen. What is it, I can't -- -Maybe we can get in by the top. You want to try? -You want to try? Sure. -Can we come up? No, it's too small, only room enough for one person. -No, it's too small, only room enough for one person. Can you see anything in the hole? -Dell, you want to come down, we can figure out where to go from here. No, I want to go in. -Okay, I'm in the mouth of the chimney now, and I'm starting down. Take care. -Are you okay in there? Yeah, I'm okay. Haven't hit bottom yet. Definitely a column of warm air rising; it keeps the shaft clear of dust. -Yeah, I'm okay. Haven't hit bottom yet. Definitely a column of warm air rising; it keeps the shaft clear of dust. What was that Dell, I lost you, do you read me? -What was that Dell, I lost you, do you read me? Yeah, but this is hard work. Can't talk now. -How do you feel, Dell? Wretched. What happened to me? -Wretched. What happened to me? Don't you remember? -Don't you remember? Don't remember nothing. Can't hardly remember my name. -Hell, you're in great shape, you've got your sense of humor back! God I'm hungry. -I'm really starving; can we get some food before we go into the freezers? I think that's a pretty reasonable request. -What's wrong? I don't know... I'm getting these CRAMPS! -Breathe deeply. OH GOD IT HURTS SO BAD! -Computer, this is Captain Standard. What conditions are you talking about? I have intercepted a transmission of unknown origin. -I have intercepted a transmission of unknown origin. A transmission? -A transmission? A voice transmission. -I have recorded the transmission. Play it for us, please. -Computer, what language was that? Unknown. -Just hold it, hold it! Computer: have you attempted to analyze the transmission? Yes. There are two points of salient interest. Number one: it is highly systematized, indicating intelligent origin. Number two: certain sounds are inconsistent with the human palate. -I have interrupted the course of the voyage. What? Why? -What? Why? I am programmed to do so if certain conditions arise. -Unknown! What do you mean? It is none of the 678 dialects spoken by technological man. -Yes! I have a temporary sequence on the monitor -- -I have a temporary sequence on the monitor -- Hold it, I can't hear a damn thing! -Computer! I've turned all the cooling units back on! What's wrong? The reaction has proceeded too far. The core has begun to melt. Engines will overload in 2 minutes, 35 seconds. -Just a minute, hold it, I'm checking. Has the hull been breached? -How long to fix? Hard to say. -Hard to say. Well, get started. -Well, get started. Right. Talk to you. -Hello, Faust! Yeah! -Yeah! How's it coming on the engines? -He died. What? -What? Not they... he... -Sorry to interrupt, but I'm gonna charge up the engines for a minute, okay? Yeah, okay. Go ahead. -Yes? What is it? Jay, we've got a problem. I was wondering if there was any way you could shortcut the repairs and give us immediate takeoff capability. -Jay, we've got a problem. I was wondering if there was any way you could shortcut the repairs and give us immediate takeoff capability. Why, what's wrong? -Why, what's wrong? The computer's translated the alien signal, and it's kind of alarming. -The computer's translated the alien signal, and it's kind of alarming. What do you mean? -What do you mean? "It couldn't translate the whole thing, only three phrases. I'll just read it to you the way I got it: ""... HOSTILE... SURVIVAL... ADVISE DO NOT LAND... "" And that's all it could translate." -You like this shit? It grows on you. -It grows on you. You know what they make this stuff out of? -You know what they make this stuff out of? Yes, I know what they make it out of, so what? It's food now. You're eating it. -Yes, I know what they make it out of, so what? It's food now. You're eating it. I didn't say it was bad for you, it's just kind of sickening, that's all. -But we can't kill it. If we kill it, it will spill all its body acids right through our hull and out into space. Shit... -We could cut a section out of that metallite netting. It won't hold up to that acid, but aside from that it's pretty strong. We have to avoid injuring it. What we really need is some electric animal prods. -Where's it coming from? Machine's screwed up, I can't tell. Needle's spinning all over the dial. -Okay. That way. -What happened to the lights? Bulbs burned out, nobody bothered to replace 'em. -Where does that go? All over the ship; we'll have to check the charts to know for sure. -What happened? Where's Sandy? Dead. -Dead. Dead! -Dead! It's monstrous -- it grew, like some horrible tapeworm. We were completely unprepared. -It's monstrous -- it grew, like some horrible tapeworm. We were completely unprepared. It's still in the ship? -What the hell's going on? Don't know -- Broussard got hurt somehow. -Don't know -- Broussard got hurt somehow. Hurt! How? -Hurt! How? Don't know -- maybe we'll be real lucky and he just broke his neck. I knew we shouldn't of come down here. -Oh -- God -- oh -- Is it alive? -Boy do I feel a lot better. It's a straight shot back to the Colonies, and then we can start taking bids on the paydirt. Any bets on the top bid? Well, we should at least be able to each buy our own planet. -Oh, no. Oh, no. What was that? What the Christ was that? -And then we run out of food and oxygen. The water will still recycle. -That one section of the ventilator shaft has only two outlets -- you notice? The food storage room on one end -- -- And the cooling unit on the other. -Well, uh... good luck. I hope you won't need me, but if you do, I'm here. Right. -Martin, this is Jay. The intakes are clogged with dust. We overheated and burned out a whole cell. Damn it! How long to fix? -Jay... how's it coming on the repairs? Well... I'm going to have to blow the engines out... -Well... I'm going to have to blow the engines out... And when will you be ready to do that? -And when will you be ready to do that? Oh -- I'm not near ready yet. -Oh -- I'm not near ready yet. Then why the hell are you sitting around here? -Then why the hell are you sitting around here? Right. -It's really on there tight. Here, let me try. -Hey, guess what? What? -What? The engines are fixed. -This dust is getting clogged in the intakes again! Just hold us together till we're in space, that's all! -Oh it's okay. I've had better cag than this, but I've had worse too, if you know what I mean. I kind of like it. -So does anybody have any suggestions? We could put on our pressure suits and blow all the air out of the ship. That would kill it. -We could put on our pressure suits and blow all the air out of the ship. That would kill it. No, we can't afford to lose that much oxygen. We're going to have to flush it out. -Might even incinerate the damn thing. I hope not. -It's clear. All right -- Roby and Melkonis will go with Faust. Hunter and I will make up the second team. -It looks completely different from the first one -- it's more like a worm with legs... and tentacles. Well we better do something. -So it's trapped in between -- now we have to drive it out. Poison gas... -Hey, are you guys still there? What's going on? Meet us on the bridge. Be careful -- it's huge now. -Meet us on the bridge. Be careful -- it's huge now. Right. -There's some more combustible fuel down in the storage lockers next to the lounge. I'll go get it. No, I don't want us separated. -No, I don't want us separated. You just sealed it off; it can't get to that section. -All right... but do not go below decks. Right. -Right. And be right back. -He wouldn't open the lock; he was going to leave us out there. Yeah... well, maybe he should have. I mean, you brought the goddamn thing in here. Maybe you deserve to get slapped. -Where did it come from? He's the only one that knows that. -He's the only one that knows that. How does he breathe? -Blood's thoroughly oxygenated. Yeah, but how? His nose and mouth are blocked. -We can't expect to understand a life form like this. We're out of our back yard. Things are different here. Well, can't we kill it? I mean, we can't leave the damn thing on him. -Well, can't we kill it? I mean, we can't leave the damn thing on him. We don't know what might happen if we tried to kill it. At least right now it's keeping him alive. -We don't know what might happen if we tried to kill it. At least right now it's keeping him alive. How about cutting it off? We can't pull it loose, but we can cut off everything but the bottom layer, where it's stuck to his face. -God, that smoke's poisonous! It's eating a hole in the floor! -I never saw anything like that in my life... except molecular acid. But this thing uses it for blood. -But this thing uses it for blood. Hell of a defense mechanism. You don't dare kill it. -It makes me sick to see him like that. Isn't there some way we can get it off him? -It's a crude symbolic language -- looks primitive. You can't tell -- that kind of stuff could represent printed circuits... -We can't go into hypersleep with that thing running around loose. We'd be sitting ducks in the freezers. -It's over, Hunter. Boy, that's terrific. -Boy, that's terrific. Well, how does it feel to be rich men? -That thing, God almighty, didn't you try to get it off him? It wouldn't come. -Hey now, what is this? Ask him. -There. Should be coming through about there. Careful, don't get under it! -I'll do it. The rest of you continue. I'll come with you. -You know, it's fantastic -- the human race has gone this long without ever encountering another advanced life form, and now we run into a veritable zoo. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Well, those things out there aren't the same, you know -- the spaceship and the pyramid. They're from different cultures and different races. That ship just landed here -- crashed like we did. The pyramid and the thing from it are indigenous. -Well, those things out there aren't the same, you know -- the spaceship and the pyramid. They're from different cultures and different races. That ship just landed here -- crashed like we did. The pyramid and the thing from it are indigenous. How could anything be indigenous to this asteroid? It's dead. -How could anything be indigenous to this asteroid? It's dead. Maybe it wasn't always dead. -Now we're in for it. The door was closed. It must still be in here. -No, don't open the door. We don't want it escaping. Well, what the hell good can we do in here? We can't grab it -- it might jump on us -- -Well, what the hell good can we do in here? We can't grab it -- it might jump on us -- Maybe we can catch it. -Yes? How's Broussard? -How's Broussard? He's running a fever. -He's running a fever. Still unconscious? -Still unconscious? Yes. -Yes. Can you do anything for him? -Can you do anything for him? The machine will bring his temperature down. His vital functions are strong. -The machine will bring his temperature down. His vital functions are strong. Good. -I think I could cobble something together. A long metal rod with a battery in it. Give it a hell of a shock. Good. Get on it. But first, I'm issuing a standing order: from this moment forth, every one of us will wear protective garments, including helmets. Let's get down to the locker and change. -Don't worry, it won't damage it, it'll just give it a little incentive. How do we locate the creature? -Maybe we don't have to. It's trapped in there. We could just leave it in there all the way back to Irth. Don't be an idiot. -We can't pump poison gas down into the cooling unit! It'll flood the whole ship! The only other thing I can think of is for somebody to crawl in there and flush it out. -While the rest of us wait down in the cooling unit with the net. Sounds like a rough one. -Sounds like a rough one. Got a better idea? -We'd better seal off the lower maintenance level; at least trap it there. At least it can't get up here now. -Listen, it sure didn't like this flamethrower. That's right -- we can't kill it on the ship, but we can at least keep it at bay -- and maybe drive it into the air lock. -That's right -- we can't kill it on the ship, but we can at least keep it at bay -- and maybe drive it into the air lock. Thing is, I'm about out of fuel. -We've got six hours left. Oh my God. -Oh my God. Does anybody know what happened? -Oh no! We can't fight this thing! There's only six hours of air left -- we're dead men! I don't buy that. There's still time to destroy it and get ourselves in the freezers. -I don't buy that. There's still time to destroy it and get ourselves in the freezers. How? -How? It's time for drastic remedies. -If we could just get the creature into the lifeboat, we could launch it into space and blow it up. Good! That's good! -Good! That's good! We can load the lifeboat up with explosives and trigger them remotely, once the lifeboat is in space. -You can't say that; I think it's a good plan. The flamethrower needs more fuel. -The flamethrower needs more fuel. Right. We've got a lot to accomplish. Let's get moving. -The ship's gravitational attraction must have drawn him back. Should we go outside and bring him in? -Should we go outside and bring him in? No... the risk is too great. Perhaps after we've destroyed the thing. -It will be. What we really need is some red meat in here for bait. -Well... now we have to herd that thing up here. Whoever's doing the herding is gonna have their hands pretty full. I think somebody should stay by the lifeboat to slam the door on the thing once it's inside, and to serve as... as... -It must have stopped moving. I'm not getting anything. Let me go first; you stay behind me. -The flamethrower! I can't, the acid will pour out! -Now what's wrong? I've completely lost their signal. -I've completely lost their signal. Can you get them back? -Can you get them back? I'm trying. -What? What was that? The computer just translated the goddamn message. It's not an S.O.S. It was a warning. -I'm getting nowhere. The whole area around the pyramid is dead to transmission. I think we should go after them. No. -No. What do you mean, no? -What do you mean, no? We're not going anywhere. -We're not going anywhere. But they don't know about the translation! They could be in danger right now. -But they don't know about the translation! They could be in danger right now. We can't spare the personnel. We've got minimum takeoff capability right now. That's why Chaz left us on board. -We can't spare the personnel. We've got minimum takeoff capability right now. That's why Chaz left us on board. Why, you chickenshit bastard -- -Why, you chickenshit bastard -- Just can that crap! I'm in command here till Chaz returns! And nobody's leaving this ship! -I've got 'em! They're back on my screens! How many? -How many? Three blips! They're coming this way! -Oh no. Jay, this is Cleave! Meet me at the main air lock! -I keep my mouth pretty much shut, but I don't like hitting. I guess I had it coming. Let's call it settled. -Look at that. What is it -- I can't tell anything -- -What is it -- I can't tell anything -- It's some kind of organ -- it's inserted some kind of tube or something down his throat. -It's some kind of organ -- it's inserted some kind of tube or something down his throat. Oh... God... -I think that's how it's getting oxygen to him. It doesn't make any sense. It paralyzes him... puts him into a coma... then keeps him alive. -What's happening up here? I think it's fizzled out. -This is horrible. Hey! what about the film? -That must have been when he got it. The same thing must've happened to the creatures on the other ship... except they took one of those jars on board, and opened it there. -What common objects? Listen, hadn't somebody better check on Broussard? -You mean his body was still kicking when it ran off with him? It was horrible -- horrible. Like a chicken. -Don't count on it. We sure need this flamethrower. -Recognizable! In that? In symbolic form... very stylized... but if you stare at it, you can see some of the different creatures we've been dealing with. -In symbolic form... very stylized... but if you stare at it, you can see some of the different creatures we've been dealing with. Well... I suppose that star-shaped thing could be the parasite that got on Broussard. Is that what you mean? -Well... I suppose that star-shaped thing could be the parasite that got on Broussard. Is that what you mean? And right next to it, that oval design with the markings -- it's a dead ringer for the spore casings. -... And Broussard got caught in their reproductive cycle. You will notice, though, that there are no more phases. Only four forms are shown. After that the pattern repeats. -We can't kill it on board. It's huge now and must have tremendous amounts of that acid in its body. I've got an idea, but you're not going to like it. -Blow the ship up? And the creature with it. We can make it back to Irth in the lifeboat. -What about all the minerals and elements in the cargo hold? That's the only reason we came out here. We'd have to abandon them all. We'd be broke. Our lives are more important. Anyway, we can take a small amount of the most valuable stuff with us on the lifeboat. -I think it's going to be almost impossible to drive it up into the lifeboat. We can use the flamethrower. -We can use the flamethrower. It's not going to work. -This should do it. I should hope so! And we'd better make sure it's pretty far from the ship when we blow it. -"Isn't ""bait"" the word you used?" Hey look, somebody has to have his hands free to lock the creature in the lifeboat! -Just keep your finger off the button till she's way away from the ship, that's all. Is it armed? -Is it armed? If you press the button right now, it will blow the whole nose of the ship off. -If you press the button right now, it will blow the whole nose of the ship off. Thanks for the thought. -Sandy, you want to give us some vision? Feast your eyes. -First contact... Sandy, can you home in on that beam? -Sandy, can you home in on that beam? What's the frequency? -What's the frequency? Computer, what's the frequency of the transmission? -I've got it. It's coming from ascension 6 minutes 32 seconds, declination -39 degrees 2 seconds. Dell -- show me that on a screen. -Well, we can't go anywhere in this darkness. How long till dawn? Well... this rock rotates every two hours. The sun should be coming up in about 20 minutes. -Just settle down. Sandy, you get any response yet? Sorry. Nothing but that same damn transmission, every 32 seconds. I've tried every frequency on the spectrum. -Receiving. All right. Now just remember: keep away from those weapons unless I say otherwise. Martin, do you read me? -That way. You lead. -What's wrong? My signal's fading. -It's close, real close. How far? -How far? We should be almost on top of it. I just can't quite... -Air lock? Who knows? -Doesn't seem much doubt about it, does there? That creature sure must have considered it important... using his last strength to draw it... -This looks ancient. Can't tell -- these weather conditions could erode anything, fast. -What'd he say? I couldn't make it out -- too much interference. -If we don't hear from him soon, I think we better go in after him. Sun will be down in a minute. -Here's his line. We can haul him out of there if we have to. It'll yank him right off his feet if he's not expecting it. The line could get tangled in something. -It'll yank him right off his feet if he's not expecting it. The line could get tangled in something. But what can we do? He's out of radio contact. -But what can we do? He's out of radio contact. Maybe we should just wait a few more minutes. -There, it caught! Is it still coming up, or is it hooked on something? -Is it still coming up, or is it hooked on something? No, it's coming. -No, it's coming. Can you see anything? -What is it? Don't touch him, watch it! -Oh God, oh God no. Help me -- I'm going to try to get it off. -It won't come -- it's stuck. What is it? -What is it? How the hell should I know? Come on, give me a hand, let's get him out of there! -It's not coming off -- not without his whole face coming off too. Let's let the machine work on him. -It's stopped? Yes, thank heaven. -Yes, thank heaven. We're just plain lucky. That could have gone right through the hull -- taken weeks to patch it. -We're just plain lucky. That could have gone right through the hull -- taken weeks to patch it. Reminded me of when I was a kid and the roof leaked -- everybody running for the pots and pans. -No, thank God... just missed him. Is it still dripping? -Is it still dripping? It appears to have healed itself. -That sounds a little fanciful... Primitive pictorial languages are based on common objects in the environment, and this can be used as a starting point for translation... -Too primitive. It's a pre- technological construction. That slab was engineered by an Iron-Age culture at best. They're from a dead civilization; they're spores from a tomb. God knows how long they've been here. -We're going home. We're in hyperspace. We're going into the freezers now. -"I'm going to write a book about this expedition. I'm going to call it ""The Snark Log.""" The commander normally has first publication rights. -The commander normally has first publication rights. Maybe we could write it together. -We'll have to catch it and eject it from the ship. Well, I kind of hate to point it out, but all our supplies are based on us spending a strictly limited amount of time out of suspended animation... and as you know, we used up most of that time in harvesting. -Well, I kind of hate to point it out, but all our supplies are based on us spending a strictly limited amount of time out of suspended animation... and as you know, we used up most of that time in harvesting. We've got about a week left, right? -How? Room by room, corridor by corridor. -And what do we do when we find it? We'll have to trap it somehow. If we had a really strong piece of net, we could bag it. -I thought I'd find you here. "I was thinking of a line from an old poem: ""Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink."" All that space out there, and we're trapped in this ship." -"I was thinking of a line from an old poem: ""Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink."" All that space out there, and we're trapped in this ship." That's the one about the albatross, right? -That's the one about the albatross, right? We can't even radio for help; the carrier wave wouldn't reach its destination till long after we'd died and turned to dust. We are utterly, absolutely alone. Can anybody really visualize such a scale of distances? Halfway across Creation... -We can't even radio for help; the carrier wave wouldn't reach its destination till long after we'd died and turned to dust. We are utterly, absolutely alone. Can anybody really visualize such a scale of distances? Halfway across Creation... We came out there, we'll go back. A long time by the clock, but a short time to us. -We came out there, we'll go back. A long time by the clock, but a short time to us. Time and space have no meaning out here. We're living in Einsteinian equation. -Time and space have no meaning out here. We're living in Einsteinian equation. I can see you're putting your spare time to good use. Let me tell you something: you keep staring at hyperspace for long enough, they'll be peeling you off a wall. I've seen it happen. -I can see you're putting your spare time to good use. Let me tell you something: you keep staring at hyperspace for long enough, they'll be peeling you off a wall. I've seen it happen. We're the new pioneers, Chaz. We even have our own special diseases. -We're the new pioneers, Chaz. We even have our own special diseases. Come on -- let's go above and see how they're coming with the gear. -I've got Hunter... and something else as well, in front of him. Are they close? -Are they close? They're on the next level up. -They're on the next level up. Let's get moving with this net. -They're getting pretty close now. All right, then -- when it gets to the other side of the door, you sing out, then drop the door. Okay? -All right, then -- when it gets to the other side of the door, you sing out, then drop the door. Okay? Okay. -Okay. And you and I will bag it, and then we'll take it to the ventral air lock, got it? -Men have waited centuries to contact another form of intelligent life in the universe. This is an opportunity which may never come again. Look -- -My God, it's stormy for a piece of rock that size! Just a second. Those aren't water vapor clouds; they have no moisture content. -Source of transmission is to the northeast... about 300 meters. Close... -It appears to be a heavy fluid of some sort... it blocks the X-rays... That tube must be depositing it in him. -That tube must be depositing it in him. Could be some kind of venom, or poison... -These day and night cycles are totally disorienting. I feel like we've been here for days, but it's only been how long? About four hours. -We do know that. Yeah? -Yeah? They never made it off the planet. The parasites won. -No. It's just too small to support fauna as big as the parasites. If there were a native ecology, it would have to be microscopic. Couldn't the pyramid have been built here by space travellers? -First thing I'm going to do when we get back is eat some biological food. What's the matter, you don't like this stuff? -What's the matter, you don't like this stuff? Tastes like something you'd feed a chicken to make it lay more eggs. -All right, tycoons, let's stop spending our credit and start worrying about the job at hand. Right. Fire up all systems. -Where are we? Sandy, contact traffic control. -This is Chaz speaking. Sorry, but we are not home. Our present location seems to be only halfway to Irth. Remain at your posts and stand by. That is all. Chaz, I've got something here on my security alert. A high priority from the computer... -Chaz, I've got something here on my security alert. A high priority from the computer... Let's hear it. -Let's hear it. Computer, you have signalled a priority three message. What is the message? -Oh my God. Well, it's finally happened. -It's out of focus. No -- that's atmosphere. Cloud layer. -Atmospheric turbulence. Dust storm. Turn on navigation lights. -What the hell happened? Engine room, what happened? -Yeah, okay. Sandy... how far are we from the source of the transmission? -10% argon, 85% nitrogen, 5% neon... and some trace elements. Nontoxic... but unbreathable. Pressure? -Nontoxic... but unbreathable. Pressure? Ten to the fourth dynes per square centimeter. -Ten to the fourth dynes per square centimeter. Good! Moisture content? -Good! Moisture content? Zero. Dry as a bone. -Zero. Dry as a bone. Any microorganisms? -Any microorganisms? Not a one. It's dead. -Not a one. It's dead. Anything else? -Anything else? Yeah, rock particles. Dust. -Yeah, rock particles. Dust. Well, we won't need pressure suits, but breathing masks are called for. Sandy -- can you rig up some kind of portable unit that we can use to follow that transmission to its source? -Okay, Chaz, I hear you. I've got you on my board. Good. I'm getting you clear too. Let's just keep the line open. -Martin, uh, we've found it. Found what? -Found what? It appears to be some sort of spacecraft. We're going to approach it. -Martin? I agree. This is the single most important discovery in history. -I agree. This is the single most important discovery in history. But? -But? What killed it? -Find anything we missed? I don't even know what I'm looking for. -I don't even know what I'm looking for. Still worried? -Still worried? Oh well... you know me. -Oh well... you know me. I've always respected your opinion, Martin. If something worries you, it worries me. -What would you say that was supposed to mean? Well... it's obviously intentional... some kind of attempt at communication... maybe it's a symbol that means something to them... -Well... it's obviously intentional... some kind of attempt at communication... maybe it's a symbol that means something to them... But why draw it on the wall? -This ship is full of cat hair. Tell you what, Martin. As soon as the engine's fixed -- -Hey, can you guys hear me? Yeah, we hear you! We're coming back! -Yeah, we hear you! We're coming back! Thank Christ! We lost you! Listen, there's been a new development -- -Thank Christ! We lost you! Listen, there's been a new development -- Can't talk now; Broussard's injured. We'll need some help getting him into the ship. -Here, Chaz. We're coming up now, open the outer lock door. -We're coming up now, open the outer lock door. Chaz -- what happened to Broussard? -Chaz -- what happened to Broussard? It's some kind of organism, it's attached itself to him. Let us in. -You hear me, Martin? Open the outer door. Chaz, if it's an organism, and we let it in, the ship will be infected. -Chaz, if it's an organism, and we let it in, the ship will be infected. We can't leave him out here, open the door. -We can't leave him out here, open the door. Chaz, listen to me -- we've broken every rule of quarantine. If we bring an organism on board, we won't have a single layer of defense left. -Chaz, listen to me -- we've broken every rule of quarantine. If we bring an organism on board, we won't have a single layer of defense left. Martin, this is an order! Open the door! -I understand why you did that. Good. -Would somebody fill me in? He went into the pyramid alone. We lost radio contact with him. When we pulled him out, it was on his face. It won't come off, not without injuring him. -What film? Broussard had film in his datastick, didn't he? We can see what happened to him. -Look at these suckers -- no wonder we couldn't get it off him. Is that its mouth? -I'm sorry to say it looks like you were right in the first place, Martin. We never should have landed here. Look, I'm not trying to rub anybody's nose in anything. The important thing is just to get away from here as fast as possible. -Look, I'm not trying to rub anybody's nose in anything. The important thing is just to get away from here as fast as possible. I can't lean on Faust any harder -- he's been working non-stop on the engines. -I can't lean on Faust any harder -- he's been working non-stop on the engines. If we knew exactly what happened to the beings on the other ship -- -Where did the parasites come from? They seem native to the planet. It's got an atmosphere and a dense gravity. It's dead now, but once it must have been fertile. -Take us up. Up one kilometer, Jay. -Engaged. Let's take her into an escape orbit. -We made it! Damn, we made it! You bet we made it. Martin, set course for Irth and accelerate us into stardrive. -You bet we made it. Martin, set course for Irth and accelerate us into stardrive. With great pleasure. -That's the part that always makes me feel like I'm gonna puke -- when we accelerate into light speed. Quit complaining; we're in space. -I think the best thing to do with Broussard is to just freeze him as he is. It'll arrest the progress of his disease, and he can get complete medical attention when we get back to the Colonies. We'll have to go into quarantine, maybe for quite a while. -We'll have to go into quarantine, maybe for quite a while. That's okay, he can remain in hypersleep until they're ready to treat him. -We won't need it then. All right, so that's what we've got. A week. It's plenty of time. -All right, so that's what we've got. A week. It's plenty of time. But if we haven't caught it in a week, then we have to go into the freezers anyway. -These will be very useful. At least we won't have to go digging around in closets with our bare hands. All right, here's the battle plan: we're going to break into two teams and start systematically covering the ship. Whoever finds it first, catches it in the net and ejects it from the nearest airlock. Clear? Even simple. -Yes! We've got it up here! It's trapped! Get up here fast! -We've got it up here! It's trapped! Get up here fast! Where are you? -Where are you? Food-storage room! -Food-storage room! We're coming! -What's it doing, having a seizure? It started crashing around right after we locked it in. -It started crashing around right after we locked it in. Now what? -Now what? I guess we open the door and net it. -Hey, wait a minute! That's all our food supplies in there! We can't pump poison gas all over them! Once we kill the thing we won't need the food any more -- we can go straight into hypersleep. Also, it sounds like that thing is already doing a pretty good job on our supplies; it may be fouling them all. -Once we kill the thing we won't need the food any more -- we can go straight into hypersleep. Also, it sounds like that thing is already doing a pretty good job on our supplies; it may be fouling them all. You win. -This stuff's deadly -- I hope we know what we're doing. Go ahead, Jay. -Now what? What do you think? Now we go in. -Are you crazy? The man would need protection, obviously -- as well as some way to drive the thing before him. -So the only question left is: who gets to crawl down the airshaft? Let's be democratic. -That's a flip-flop gate to channel the air, but we can use it to trap the thing. Right now let's keep it closed. -How did it get so big? By eating our food supplies. -Two down, four to go. What's that supposed to mean? -What's that supposed to mean? Nothing. -Can you make out any pattern in all that? Well... yes... there's a pattern... but it's meaningless to me. -Well... yes... there's a pattern... but it's meaningless to me. I know it looks like a senseless jumble, but if you look closely, there are recognizable forms. -That next thing there -- six legs, tentacles -- that's the thing we saw in the food locker. So the next step should be -- -This is all the same creature. We're seeing the different stages in its life-cycle. Then that tomb... must have been some kind of fertility temple... where they stored their eggs, and maybe held mating rituals... -Which presumably means... ... More spores coming. -I saw it. Faust got himself jammed in the air lock door. His body held it open. Can we get to him? -Can we get to him? No, I had to seal off a whole section. We'd lose too much of our remaining air if we opened the connecting door. -Poor kitty; puss puss puss. At least we're rid of the damn monster. It must have been the first thing sucked out of the ship. -At least we're rid of the damn monster. It must have been the first thing sucked out of the ship. No such luck. I saw it running down one of the corridors. -It was time for that a couple days ago. That kind of remark is pointless. Now come on -- I want to hear every suggestion you can come up with, no matter how wild. -Let's hear it. Okay. First we shut down all the cooling systems on the stardrive engines. -Okay. First we shut down all the cooling systems on the stardrive engines. That'll blow the ship up. -That'll blow the ship up. Right... but it'll take a few minutes for the engines to overheat and melt down the core. In the meantime, we get in the lifeboat and leave the ship. -But the lifeboat can't accelerate to light speed. Doesn't matter -- we're already at light speed. And when we get back to the Colonies, they'll pick us up in the network. -No, it won't work and I just realized why. There's only one hypersleep freezer on the lifeboat. Only one of us could survive. Yeah... I forgot. -Yeah... I forgot. But the idea's good, if we could just turn it around somehow. -You know, it's funny -- this stuff we went to so much trouble to dig up -- this treasure, the paydirt -- it'll make it back to Irth just fine -- even if we're not with it. Here, carry these. -Hey watch it! It's stable; it doesn't hurt to drop it. -So what do we do? Do we ignore it and finish loading the explosives into the boat -- or do we flush it out now? Now. If we can get it into the boat, we won't have to blow it up -- we can just eject it into space. -Yes, and maybe launch the boat and blow it too... if the others are injured. Who gets the privilege? -All right, Martin, we'll be in touch with you on the communicator. And you'll let me know when you've got it coming this way... -And you'll let me know when you've got it coming this way... And you stand aside while we drive it in, then shut the hatch, launch the boat, and -- -And you stand aside while we drive it in, then shut the hatch, launch the boat, and -- Kablooey. -Kill me... What did it do to you? -What did it do to you? Look... -That was Melkonis... it ate Hunter... I'll get you out of there. -I'll get you out of there. No... don't... -No... don't... But I can save you -- get you to the Autodoc! -But I can save you -- get you to the Autodoc! No good... it's eaten too much of me... -No good... it's eaten too much of me... What can I do? -What can I do? Kill me... -Headache? Dehydration? The head's okay, but I could sink a six-pack. -The head's okay, but I could sink a six-pack. Forget that. I want you off alcohol for at least seventy-two hours. I've got some toxin build-up tests still to run. -Can I... um... have some water? Please? Sure. -What is it? It's nothing, Doc. Just a... touch of indigestion... something. -It's nothing, Doc. Just a... touch of indigestion... something. Do you want a tablet? -Better? Yeah... -Me either. I tell you, I used to be with a mining outfit on Callisto, and when something like that hits... believe me, you know about it. Do you wanna head back and call it in? -Nada. No radiation... no movement... nothing. Well, just keep looking. It's gotta be... whoa, Jesus! -It's a rhino. Is it dead? -Is it dead? No, it's still breathing. Kinda clammy though. Are you sure your stick's not broken. -Yeah, it's fine. God, I hope that thing didn't bring down a virus. -God, I hope that thing didn't bring down a virus. I told you we... what's that? -Looks like a spore. Fungus of some kind, maybe? Bloody big if it is. Top's open. -Let's get back and call this in. Wait a minute. -Nice howitzer you've got there. Thanks. -Thanks. Good argument for gun-control. What are you going after, rhino? -Good argument for gun-control. What are you going after, rhino? Nah. I just wanna squeeze off a few rounds. 'Sides, they tagged the rhinos for the migration project, so they're protected. They'll dock you a month's pay for just mentioning it. -We've got no option. We're gonna have to get it off. Oh man... -Minh... Yep... -That's the second time I ran it, and it still reads the same. Better tell the boss. -A pair of incomings. They popped-up on the medium-range about thirteen twenty-four local time. We figured on it being a magnetic anomaly, but we ran a back-trace just to make sure. -We figured on it being a magnetic anomaly, but we ran a back-trace just to make sure. Yeah. Turns out they dropped straight out of hyperspace. -Can you patch me a temporary loop on DCMGS? Okay, give me the numbers. -What do you need? A three-second burn to port, on my mark. -A three-second burn to port, on my mark. It's on the board. -Seal everything now! What's happening? -What's happening? Cassie, thank Christ! We're under attack. -Cassie, thank Christ! We're under attack. We're what!? -How many of them are there? Too many. -Give or take. We're not gonna make it, are we? -Are you alright? What? What's wrong? What is it? -Where is she? Comin' up the Central Reservoir. -Comin' up the Central Reservoir. Quick! Run a trace on the culvert leading off the auto-shop maintenance pit. -I found it... And? -And? Drains right into the Central Reservoir. -Drains right into the Central Reservoir. Get her on-line. Now! -I can't reach her. Too much signal break-up. Keep trying! -MarsCo went belly-up on the Dow Jones. Shit. When? -Shit. When? Yesterday. We got the Network feed from Gateway; it was the top story on 'Sixty Seconds'. Biggest market crash since twenty-four. -Fucking great. I invested some money in them. You win some, you loose some. -You win some, you loose some. I lose 'em all, that's why I'm still out here on this rock. Anything else you wanna ruin my day with? -I lose 'em all, that's why I'm still out here on this rock. Anything else you wanna ruin my day with? No, but I got something that might interest you. -Curious thing is, the mass detector says they're too small to carry a deep-space drive. Sounds like a couple of escape shuttles. -Where're they headed? We ran a trajectory simulation. If they carry on along that path, it's possible they'll make intra-orbital insertion. -When? Seven minutes ago, the third course change in an hour. Those incomings are going to skim past the communications platform just a little too close for comfort. -Seven minutes ago, the third course change in an hour. Those incomings are going to skim past the communications platform just a little too close for comfort. Can we move it to a different orbit in time? -Picking up velocity. Match it! -What's going on? The door's sealed from inside. Doc Revna's in there, and it sounds like Ackland's going nuts. -The door's sealed from inside. Doc Revna's in there, and it sounds like Ackland's going nuts. Force the door. -It's too late! Nooooo! -Unconfirmed reports of eighteen or so far, but the numbers are all over the place. What's our weapons situation? -Auto-shop's sealed, but those boys are cut-off. Has anybody talked to them? -Has anybody talked to them? Not yet. -Not yet. Do it. -Oh, man... Alright, let's keep calm. We've got to have an option of some sort... there's got to be a way out of this. -How much air-time have I got? About thirty minutes. Those are slimmed-down tanks, so no stopping to admire the scenery. -About thirty minutes. Those are slimmed-down tanks, so no stopping to admire the scenery. Deal. -Deal. We've dumped the whole data-base from one of the cleaning remotes into the helmet. It'll project the route through the sewer system onto the inside of the glass as you go. -If I can get to the chopper, I'll meet you at the rendezvous. Don't wait for me. But... -C'mon, man. One more sweep. One more sweep... one more sweep. I'm getting tired of one more fuckin' sweep. We're been lookin' for this thing for three days now, and found zip. -One more sweep... one more sweep. I'm getting tired of one more fuckin' sweep. We're been lookin' for this thing for three days now, and found zip. Ah, quit griping. Keeps you in shape doesn't it? -Ah, quit griping. Keeps you in shape doesn't it? Hey! I was in shape before we started doing this. -Listen to what? That's what I mean. This is the quietest I've ever heard it. It's unnatural. -De Vries? Yeah? -Yeah? Next time you have a thought like that? Keep it to yourself. -Something spooking the rhinos? I dunno. -Hey, Guttierez? What? -What? Take a look at this. -One of 'em must have escaped. That's impossible, man. This fence is high-tensile. The breaking tolerance'd stand up to the strain of a rhino, easy. I know, I put it up. -There's no way a rhino'd survive that drop. Goldsmith's gonna be plenty pissed at losing one of her babies. -Goldsmith's gonna be plenty pissed at losing one of her babies. That's a fact. -Whoa, wait a minute... What? -What? Just got a reading... -What? Are you nuts? Just the two of us? I've seen this mother, De Vries. We can bag it, no problem. -I've seen this mother, De Vries. We can bag it, no problem. Forget it, man. -Forget it, man. C'mon De Vries. Think of the bonus. -C'mon De Vries. Think of the bonus. Fuck the bonus. I hate heights. You wouldn't get me up there even if it wasn't night. -What the hell are you doing? Hey, fair enough. If you won't come, I'll handle it myself. -Alright, okay. Look... What? -What? I'll come with you. -But I'm going first... Anything you say, Mammacitta. -Careful of that edging there... Yeah, I got it. -Still got him? It's moving slow. About... eleven metres. On the left. -Hold it, hold it... What's wrong? -What's wrong? I'm picking up another signal. -What? Where? Just behind us, over to the right. -Can't see a thing. Are you sure? Yeah, I... -Wait. Lost it. How? -How? I dunno. Might be a glitch. -Oh, man. That's no glitch! It's alright, it's cool... -It's alright, it's cool... Is it still moving? -Is it still moving? No, he's stopped; he's totally still. Just take it nice and easy, babe. Nice and easy... -Move it baby, or they're gonna be chewin' on my cojones! Couple more seconds! -Miss Noguchi! You're wanted in admin. Thanks. -What happened? York just turned up outside. We're trying to get him into Infirmary. -Secondary fluidic shunt for the sewage system. I found the grating ripped right off. The little fucker was strong. Where does that lead to? -Nobody wander off on their own until it's found. Keep in pairs. Diller, once the first team's done their sweep I want you to go down with Annie to Three-Pump while she replaces it. Okay. -Okay. One final point. Killing this sonuvabitch ought to be a reward in itself. However, just to add a little incentive... I'm authorizing a hefty bonus in the next pay-packet for whoever does. -Shit! Our armory's a big blue box from the back shelf of stores. We got about two clips left for an autoloader, and that's it. Auto-shop? -That sounds promising. Can we operate the crane from here? Nah. It's got programmable facilities, but it was never rigged for remote operation. Someone'd have to go up to the cab to get it up and running. -Nah. It's got programmable facilities, but it was never rigged for remote operation. Someone'd have to go up to the cab to get it up and running. Which mean physically going outside. -Is this the suit? Uh-huh. -Yeah, I stripped down a motion tracker and hardwired it through to the helmet pick-ups, too. That's also on the display. Sounds great. -We had to. They were just too cumbersome for some of the conduits you're gonna have to negotiate. Besides, all the crap floating around reduces visibility to the extent where I doubt having helmet lights would have make that much difference, anyway. Maintenance lights down there oughta be enough to do the trick. How tight are these shafts? -Hey, Jan. See if you can get someone to check out the chopper. What's the problem? -What's the problem? She was running a little sluggish on the way back. Think the turbines might be playing up. -She was running a little sluggish on the way back. Think the turbines might be playing up. Give me twenty minutes and I'll do it myself. -Give me twenty minutes and I'll do it myself. Appreciate that. -And...? And, nothing. They checked out just fine. -That's what we thought. Have you got an updated Lloyds' Almanac to cross-reff them through? -Have you got an updated Lloyds' Almanac to cross-reff them through? Done it already. Nothing matches. -Fort Powell. What do we tell 'em? Just give them the facts. They can leap to their own conclusions. -Already working on it. Get off an all-bands emergency distress, and put it on a repeater. -They've changed their heading again. Compensate! -Compensate! Punch me in a solution for their delta-vee. -It left a melted trail on the deck all the way down to here... What is that? -Central Pumping. All the waste gets treated, broken-down, and flushed out into the swamp. If it wanted a quick exit then it really lucked- out. You've checked that end? -Everything on this module is locked and sealed. We've lost 'B', 'C', and 'E' wings, but 'E' was the only one we didn't manage to totally evacuate. How many... how many people are missing? -They knocked out the external feeds. Looks like it. -Communications to auto-shop go through an F.O. link off the main trunk. That's down with the other feeds. Well... try the headset. -It's not all good news. We had to take off the helmet lights. You'll be going in blind. What? Why? -There's still time to back-out. Forget it. I wouldn't ask somebody to do something I wouldn't do myself. Where's the disk? -Thanks. Let's just run through it one more time so I know you've got it straight. -Let's just run through it one more time so I know you've got it straight. Okay, I pull the access panel off of the console. Insert the disk, and press the green enabling button... -Sorry. Two green enabling buttons... Right. When you've done that, don't waste any time getting out of there. Once that crane starts moving...well, it's bound to provoke some kind of response. -Okay, we're in business. Right. Auto-shop, you all set? -Okay, I'm out of here! Blow those suckers, Driscoll! -See that sheathing on the suspension? Eaten away. Same thing with the pumps on the base air purifiers. The algae out here just isn't good on these new plastics. We haven't used Big Bertha since we relocated the generator module. That was four months ago. I can't ask for them to keep bringing spares in on the shuttle, it's already costing too much as it is. -Hey, boss. Wondered where you'd gotten to. I just... wanted to be put on my own for a while. Clear my head. -I just... wanted to be put on my own for a while. Clear my head. Didn't feel like whoopin' it up with the rest of us blue collars, huh? -I've got a lot of thinking to do. 'Sides, the room was getting too crowded for me. Not too much of the socializing type, then? -Not too much of the socializing type, then? No, not really. More sort of the 'claustrophobic' type. -I'm serious. That's why I switched from orbiting to planetary installations. Is that a fact. -Is that a fact. Uh-huh. Used to get it pretty bad. I'd wake up in a cold sweat and want to claw open a vacuum hatch. -Uh-huh. Used to get it pretty bad. I'd wake up in a cold sweat and want to claw open a vacuum hatch. How long you been out here for now, anyway? Three months? -How long you been out here for now, anyway? Three months? Four. -Four. And before that? -And before that? Six month stint on Datus. -Six month stint on Datus. Only six? -Only six? What is this? 'Twenty Questions'? -What is this? 'Twenty Questions'? Just curious. There's a lot of talk goes around. -What is that? Real man' drink. -Seltzer? Want some? -Any luck raising Ackland's party? Nothing. With the satellite down, we can't transmit over the mountain range. He's most likely sitting there wondering why he can't raise us. -Nothing. With the satellite down, we can't transmit over the mountain range. He's most likely sitting there wondering why he can't raise us. First light, we'll take a chopper out there and tell them to head back. -First light, we'll take a chopper out there and tell them to head back. 'We'? You wanna fly out there with me? -'We'? You wanna fly out there with me? Sure. Do me good to stretch my legs. -Don't worry about it. If the Network goes by the book, like everyone figures they will, a Marine gunboat from Powell'll drop-by for a look- see in four-or-five days. They can go poke around out there and find whatever it was hit us. All we've gotta do is sit tight. Do you think Ackland'll sit tight? -Do you think Ackland'll sit tight? There'd have to be a helluva good reason for him not to. -Yeah. Somebody won. Check out the tent. -I've found Ackland! Hold on... -I'm going to need you to co-sign the report. Until we come up with something, this'll be treated as first degree murder. Agreed. -Agreed. When we get the link back, and I send this in, I.C.C.'ll throw a fit. -When we get the link back, and I send this in, I.C.C.'ll throw a fit. Ah, don't worry about I.C.C. They're the least of your problems right now. -Ah, don't worry about I.C.C. They're the least of your problems right now. What do you mean? -Think I spoke too soon... Again? How long before we start noticing the difference? -Do you believe him? Ackland? I don't know him well enough to say. If we were back on Earth we could run him though an Aldhoven test and find out for sure. There's not much we can do out here. -Cornering it shouldn't be a problem. Each part of this station is basically a self-sufficient deep-space transport module running off external couplers. If we disconnect them and seal off every section, we've got a ceiling of about thirty-six hours on internal power. That should give us ample time to find it. Alright. Pull some trackers and headsets out of stores, and I'll sign a release for the weapons. Cassie, organise a team roster and put it on the board. -So, what do you think? What do I think? I think if those Marines from Powell don't shift their butts getting here, we're gonna get caught up to our necks in the middle of something we shouldn't. -What? I'm out of ammo. Get inside, get inside! -That's the wrong way! Detour. Other way's blocked... -Hurry it up. Don't wait for me! -They...they snapped my legs to fit... fit me in here. I don't...remember what happened next. What can I do? -What can I do? I can... feel it moving around inside me. You've got to kill me. -I can... feel it moving around inside me. You've got to kill me. I... I can't! -I... I can't! You have to... -You have to... No! -Where'd you leave them? Camped out by the navi-beacon out on Linson's Range. They're making their own way back tomorrow. -Jesus. Yeah, exactly. Those're pre-programmed course adjustments you're looking at. -Yeah, exactly. Those're pre-programmed course adjustments you're looking at. Tactical nukes, maybe? -How's it going? Yeah, 'Good Evening' to you, too. -Today's party's finished their sweep, the relief team's out there now. Everybody else is either asleep or running shift in the auto-shop. You should hit the sack, too. -You should hit the sack, too. Nah, I'll stick it out for another hour or so. -Nah, I'll stick it out for another hour or so. What time's sundown? -What time's sundown? 'Bout five minutes. -'Bout five minutes. Give me a yell is something happens. -Give me a yell is something happens. You got it, cowboy. -Hello, there. Who are you? Miss Harrington's resting, Mr. deWitt. She asked me to see who it is... -Miss Harrington's resting, Mr. deWitt. She asked me to see who it is... We won't disturb her rest. It seems she left her award in the taxicab. Will you give it to her? -How do you know my name? It's a very famous name, Mr. deWitt. -It's a very famous name, Mr. deWitt. And what is your name? -And what is your name? Phoebe. -Phoebe. Phoebe? -Phoebe? I call myself Phoebe. -I call myself Phoebe. Why not? Tell me, Phoebe, do you want some day to have an award like that of your own? -May I come in? Certainly, Mr. deWitt... -Certainly, Mr. deWitt... I expected to find this little room overcrowded, with a theater full of people at your feet... -I expected to find this little room overcrowded, with a theater full of people at your feet... I consider myself lucky they didn't throw things. -Of course your performance was no surprise to me. After the other day I regarded it as no more than - a promised fulfilled. You're more than kind. But it's still Miss Channing's performance. I'm just a carbon copy you read when you can't find the original... -You're more than kind. But it's still Miss Channing's performance. I'm just a carbon copy you read when you can't find the original... You're more than modest. -You're more than modest. It's not modesty. I just don't try to kid myself. -It's not modesty. I just don't try to kid myself. A revolutionary approach to the Theater. However, if I may a suggestion... -A revolutionary approach to the Theater. However, if I may a suggestion... Please do. -Please do. I think the time has come for you to shed some of your humility. It is just as false not to blow your horn at all as it is to blow it too loudly... -I think the time has come for you to shed some of your humility. It is just as false not to blow your horn at all as it is to blow it too loudly... I don't think I've done anything to sound off about. -I don't think I've done anything to sound off about. We all come into this world with our little egos equipped with individual horns. If we don't blow them - who will? -We all come into this world with our little egos equipped with individual horns. If we don't blow them - who will? Even so. One isolated pretty good performance by an understudy. It'll be forgotten tomorrow. -Even so. One isolated pretty good performance by an understudy. It'll be forgotten tomorrow. It needn't be. -It needn't be. Even if I wanted to - as you say - be less humble, blow my own horn... how would I do it? I'm less than nobody. -Even if I wanted to - as you say - be less humble, blow my own horn... how would I do it? I'm less than nobody. I am somebody. -After you change, if you're not busy elsewhere, we can have supper. I'd love to! Or should I pretend I'm busy? -I'd love to! Or should I pretend I'm busy? Let's have a minimum of pretending. I'll want to do a column about you- -Let's have a minimum of pretending. I'll want to do a column about you- I'm not enough for a paragraph. -I'm not enough for a paragraph. - perhaps more than one. There's so much I want to know. I've heard your story in bits and pieces... your home in Wisconsin, your tragic marriage, your financial attachment to Margo - it started in San Francisco, didn't it? I say - your idolatry of Margo started in San Francisco, didn't it? -- perhaps more than one. There's so much I want to know. I've heard your story in bits and pieces... your home in Wisconsin, your tragic marriage, your financial attachment to Margo - it started in San Francisco, didn't it? I say - your idolatry of Margo started in San Francisco, didn't it? That's right. -That's right. San Francisco. An oasis of civilization in the California desert. Tell me, do you share my high opinion of San Francisco? -San Francisco. An oasis of civilization in the California desert. Tell me, do you share my high opinion of San Francisco? Yes. I do. -Yes. I do. And that memorable night when Margo first dazzled you from the stage - which theater was it in San Francisco? Was it - the Shubert? -And that memorable night when Margo first dazzled you from the stage - which theater was it in San Francisco? Was it - the Shubert? Yes. The Shubert. -Yes. The Shubert. A fine old theater, the Shubert. Full of tradition, untouched by the earthquake - so sorry - fire... by the way, what was your husband's name? -A fine old theater, the Shubert. Full of tradition, untouched by the earthquake - so sorry - fire... by the way, what was your husband's name? Eddie... -Eddie... Eddie what? -I'm about to go into the shower, I won't be able to hear you... I can wait. Where would you like to go? We'll make this a special night... -I can wait. Where would you like to go? We'll make this a special night... You take charge. -You take charge. I believe I will. -Hungry? Just some coffee. -Just some coffee. I'm not surprised. After all that humble pie... -I'm not surprised. After all that humble pie... Nothing of the kind. Karen and I had a nice talk. -Nothing of the kind. Karen and I had a nice talk. "Heart to heart? Woman to woman? Including a casual reference to the part of ""Cora"" - and your hopes of playing it." -"Heart to heart? Woman to woman? Including a casual reference to the part of ""Cora"" - and your hopes of playing it." I discussed it very openly. I told her that I had spoken to Lloyd - and that he was interested. -I discussed it very openly. I told her that I had spoken to Lloyd - and that he was interested. She mentioned, of course, that Margo expects to play the part? -She mentioned, of course, that Margo expects to play the part? Oddly enough - she didn't say a word about Margo. Just that she'll be happy to do what she can to see that I play the part. -Just like that, eh? Just like that. -Just like that. Do you know, Eve - sometimes I think you keep things from me. -I don't think that's funny. It wasn't meant to be. -It wasn't meant to be. I confide in you and rely on you more than anyone I've ever known! To say a thing like that now - without any reason - when I need you more than ever... -I confide in you and rely on you more than anyone I've ever known! To say a thing like that now - without any reason - when I need you more than ever... I hope you mean what you say, Eve. I intend to hold you to it. -What a day - what a heavenly day... D-day. -D-day. Just like it. -Just like it. And tomorrow morning you will have won your beachhead on the shores of Immortality... -And tomorrow morning you will have won your beachhead on the shores of Immortality... Stop rehearsing your column... Isn't it strange, Addison? I thought I'd be panic-stricken, want to run away or something. Instead, I can't wait for tonight to come. To come and go... -Stop rehearsing your column... Isn't it strange, Addison? I thought I'd be panic-stricken, want to run away or something. Instead, I can't wait for tonight to come. To come and go... Are you that sure of tomorrow? -Are you that sure of tomorrow? Aren't you? -Aren't you? Frankly - yes. -It'll be a night to remember. It'll bring to me everything I've ever wanted. The end of an old road - and the beginning of a new one... All paved with diamonds and gold? -All paved with diamonds and gold? You know me better than that. -You know me better than that. Paved with what, then? -Paved with what, then? Stars. -What time? Almost four. -Almost four. Plenty of time for a nice long nap - we rehearsed most of last night... -Plenty of time for a nice long nap - we rehearsed most of last night... You could sleep, too, couldn't you? -You could sleep, too, couldn't you? Why not? -The mark of a true killer. Sleep tight, rest easy - and come out fighting... Why'd call me a killer? -Why'd call me a killer? Did I say killer? I meant champion. I get my boxing terms mixed. -Suites are for expense accounts. Aren't you being extravagant? Max is paying for it. He and Lloyd had a terrific row but Lloyd insisted... well. Can I fix you a drink? -Also with the reluctant compliments of Max Fabian. Lloyd. I never have any, and he likes a couple of drinks after we finish - so he sent it up... -Lloyd. I never have any, and he likes a couple of drinks after we finish - so he sent it up... Some plain soda. Lloyd must be expecting a record run in New Haven... -Some plain soda. Lloyd must be expecting a record run in New Haven... That's for tonight. You're invited. We're having everyone up after the performance. -That's for tonight. You're invited. We're having everyone up after the performance. We're? -We're? Lloyd and I. -Addison... She's always been so fantastically devoted to Lloyd. I would imagine that only death or destruction could keep her- -She's always been so fantastically devoted to Lloyd. I would imagine that only death or destruction could keep her- Addison, just a few minutes ago. When I told you this would be a night to remember - that it would bring me everything I wanted- -Addison, just a few minutes ago. When I told you this would be a night to remember - that it would bring me everything I wanted- - something about an old road ending and a new one starting - paved with stars... -- something about an old road ending and a new one starting - paved with stars... I didn't mean just the Theater. -I didn't mean just the Theater. What else? -So that's it. Lloyd. Still just the Theater, after all... It's nothing of the kind! Lloyd loves me, I love him! -It's nothing of the kind! Lloyd loves me, I love him! I know nothing about Lloyd and his loves - I leave those to Louisa May Alcott. But I do know you. -I know nothing about Lloyd and his loves - I leave those to Louisa May Alcott. But I do know you. I'm in love with Lloyd! -I'm in love with Lloyd! Lloyd Richards is commercially the most successful playwright in America- -Lloyd Richards is commercially the most successful playwright in America- You have no right to say such things! -You have no right to say such things! - and artistically, the most promising! Eve dear, this is Addison. -Addison, won't it be just perfect? Lloyd and I - there's no telling how far we can go... he'll write great plays for me, I'll make them be great! You're the only one I've told, the only one that knows except Lloyd and me... ... and Karen. -... and Karen. She doesn't know. -I see. And when was this unholy alliance joined? We decided the night before last, before we came up here... -We decided the night before last, before we came up here... Was the setting properly romantic - the lights on dimmers, gypsy violins off stage? -Was the setting properly romantic - the lights on dimmers, gypsy violins off stage? The setting wasn't romantic, but Lloyd was. He woke me up at three in the morning, banging on my door - he couldn't sleep, he told me - he's left Karen, he couldn't go on with the play or anything else until I promised to marry him... we sat and talked until it was light. He never went home... -The setting wasn't romantic, but Lloyd was. He woke me up at three in the morning, banging on my door - he couldn't sleep, he told me - he's left Karen, he couldn't go on with the play or anything else until I promised to marry him... we sat and talked until it was light. He never went home... You sat and talked until it was light... -You sat and talked until it was light... We sat and talked, Addison. I want a run of the play contract. -We sat and talked, Addison. I want a run of the play contract. There never was, there'll never be another like you. -There never was, there'll never be another like you. Well, say something - anything! Congratulations, skol - good work, Eve! -What do you take me for? I don't know what I take you for anything... -I don't know what I take you for anything... It is possible - even conceivable - that you've confused me with that gang of backward children you've been playing tricks on - that you have the same contempt for me that you have for them? -It is possible - even conceivable - that you've confused me with that gang of backward children you've been playing tricks on - that you have the same contempt for me that you have for them? I'm sure you mean something by that, Addison, but I don't know what... -I'm sure you mean something by that, Addison, but I don't know what... Look closely, Eve, it's time you did. I am Addison deWitt. I'm nobody's fool. Least of all - yours. -Look closely, Eve, it's time you did. I am Addison deWitt. I'm nobody's fool. Least of all - yours. I never intended you to be. -I never intended you to be. Yes, you did. You still do. -I still don't know what you're getting at. Right now I want to take my nap. It's important that I- - it's important right now that we talk. Killer to killer. -- it's important right now that we talk. Killer to killer. Champion to champion. -Champion to champion. Not with me, you're no champion. You're stepping way up in class. -Not with me, you're no champion. You're stepping way up in class. Addison, will you please say what you have to say plainly and distinctly - and then get out so I can take my nap! -Addison, will you please say what you have to say plainly and distinctly - and then get out so I can take my nap! Very well, plainly and distinctly. Although I consider it unnecessary - because you know as well as I, what I am about to say. Lloyd may leave Karen, but he will not leave Karen for you. -Very well, plainly and distinctly. Although I consider it unnecessary - because you know as well as I, what I am about to say. Lloyd may leave Karen, but he will not leave Karen for you. What do you mean by that? -What do you mean by that? More plainly and more distinctly? I Have not come to New Haven to see the play, discuss your dreams, or to pull the ivy from the walls of Yale! I have come to tell you that you will not marry Lloyd - or anyone else - because I will not permit it. -More plainly and more distinctly? I Have not come to New Haven to see the play, discuss your dreams, or to pull the ivy from the walls of Yale! I have come to tell you that you will not marry Lloyd - or anyone else - because I will not permit it. What have you got to do with it? -What have you got to do with it? Everything. Because after tonight, you will belong to me. -Everything. Because after tonight, you will belong to me. I can't believe my ears... -I can't believe my ears... A dull cliche. -A dull cliche. Belong - to you? That sound medieval - something out of an old melodrama... -Belong - to you? That sound medieval - something out of an old melodrama... So does the history of the world for the past twenty years. I don't enjoy putting it as bluntly as this, frankly I had hoped that you would, somehow, have known - have taken it for granted that you and I... -So does the history of the world for the past twenty years. I don't enjoy putting it as bluntly as this, frankly I had hoped that you would, somehow, have known - have taken it for granted that you and I... ... taken it for granted? That you and I... -You're too short for that gesture. Besides, it went out with Mrs. Fiske. Then if you won't get out, I'll have you thrown out. -Your name is not Eve Harrington. It is Gertrude Slescynski. What of it? -What of it? It is true that your parents were poor. They still are. And they would like to know how you are - and where. They haven't heard from you for three years... -It is true that your parents were poor. They still are. And they would like to know how you are - and where. They haven't heard from you for three years... What of it? -A matter of opinion. Granted. It is also true that you worked in a brewery. But life in the brewery was apparently not as dull as you pictured it. As a matter of fact, it got less and less dull - until you boss's wife had your boss followed by detectives! She never proved anything, not a thing! -She never proved anything, not a thing! But the $500 you got to get out of town brought you straight to New York - didn't it? -She was a liar, she was a liar! Answer my question! Weren't you paid to get out of town? -I had to get in, to meet Margo! I had to say something, be somebody, make her like me! She did like you, she helped and trusted you! You paid her back by trying to take Bill away! -She did like you, she helped and trusted you! You paid her back by trying to take Bill away! That's not true! -That's not true! I was there, I saw you and heard you through the dressing room door! -"You used my name and my column to blackmail Karen into getting you the part of ""Cora"" - and you lied to me about it!" No-no-no... -No-no-no... I had lunch with Karen not three hours ago. As always with women who want to find out things, she told more than she learned... ... do you want to change your story about Lloyd beating at your door the other night? -Then say so. Yes, Addison. -Yes, Addison. And you realize - you agree how completely you belong to me? -And you realize - you agree how completely you belong to me? Yes, Addison. -Yes, Addison. Take your nap, now. And good luck for tonight. -I won't play tonight. I couldn't. Not possibly. I couldn't go on... Couldn't go on? You'll give the performance of your life. -I don't suppose there's a drink left... You can have one at Max's. -You can have one at Max's. I don't think I'm going. -I don't think I'm going. Why not? -Why not? Because I don't want to. -Because I don't want to. Max has gone to a great deal of trouble, it's going to be an elaborate party, and it's for you. -Max has gone to a great deal of trouble, it's going to be an elaborate party, and it's for you. No, it's not. It's for this. -No, it's not. It's for this. It's the same thing, isn't it? -It's the same thing, isn't it? Exactly. Here. Take it to the party instead of me. -Exactly. Here. Take it to the party instead of me. You're being childish. -I'm tired. I want to go home. Very well. I shall drop you and go on to the party. I have no intention of missing it... -Every now and then, some elder statesman of the Theater or cinema assures the public that actors and actresses are just plain folk. Ignoring the fact that their greatest attraction to the public is their complete lack of resemblance to normal human beings. Now there's something a girl could make sacrifices for. -That isn't a waiter, my dear. That's a butler. "Well, I can't yell ""Oh, butler,"" can I? Maybe somebody's name is Butler..." -"Well, I can't yell ""Oh, butler,"" can I? Maybe somebody's name is Butler..." You have a point. An idiotic one, but a point. -You have a point. An idiotic one, but a point. I don't want to make trouble. All I want is a drink. -Let's go sit by the piano. You have me confused with Dan Dailey. You go sit by the piano. And you come sit by me. Good night. -We never met. That's why. Miss Caswell is an actress. A graduate of Copacabana School of Dramatic Arts. Ah... Eve. -This must be, at long last, our formal introduction. Until now we have met only in passing... That's how you met me. In passing. -Claudia dear, come closer. This is Max Fabian. He is a producer. Go do yourself some good. Why do they always look like unhappy rabbits? -Why do they always look like unhappy rabbits? Because that is what they are. Go make him happy. -Feeling better, my dear? Like I just swam the English Channel. Now what? -Like I just swam the English Channel. Now what? You next move, it seems to me, should be toward television. -Tell me this. Do they have auditions for television? That's all television is, my dear. Nothing but auditions. -It is senseless to insist that theatrical folk in New York, Hollywood and London are no different from the good people of Des Moines, Chillicothe and Liverpool. By and large, we are concentrated gatherings of neurotics, egomaniacs, emotional misfits, and precocious children- Gable. Why a feller like that don't come East to do a play... -Answer me this. What makes a man become a producer? What makes a man walk into a lion cage with nothing but a chair? -What makes a man walk into a lion cage with nothing but a chair? This answer satisfies me a hundred percent. -This answer satisfies me a hundred percent. We all have abnormality in common. We are a breed apart from the rest of the humanity, we Theater folk. We are the original displaced personalities... -In my case it's necessary. Too many taxi drivers write plays. And too many of them are produced. -I'm giving her a very high-class party. It ain't like a rehearsal, she don't have to be late. As soon as the peasants stop pawing her. -Then stop being a star - start treating your guests as your supporting cast! Hear, hear... -She was magnificent. Then you've heard too. -Then you've heard too. I was there. An eyewitness. -I was there. An eyewitness. You were there? At the play - last night? -You were there? At the play - last night? A happy coincidence. -From the smartness of your dress, I take it your luncheon companion is a lady? Margo. -Margo. Margo? Lunching in public? -Margo? Lunching in public? It's new Margo. But she's just as late as the old one. -It's new Margo. But she's just as late as the old one. She may be later than you think... -I distinctly remember striking your name from the guest list. What are you doing here? Dear Margo. You were an unforgettable Peter Pan - you must play it again, soon. You remember Miss Caswell? -Dear Margo. You were an unforgettable Peter Pan - you must play it again, soon. You remember Miss Caswell? I do not. How do you do? -Eve, this is an old friend of Mr. deWitt's mother - Miss Caswell, Miss Harrington... Addison, I've been wanting you to meet Eve for the longest time- It could only have been your natural timidity that kept you from mentioning it... -It could only have been your natural timidity that kept you from mentioning it... You've heard of her great interest in the Theater- -You've heard of her great interest in the Theater- We have that in common. -We have that in common. Then you two must have a long talk- -You mustn't worry about your little charge. She is in safe hands. Amen. -Why so remote, Addison? I should think you'd be at the side of your protegee, lending her moral support... Miss Caswell, at the moment, is where I can lend no support - moral or otherwise. -Miss Caswell, at the moment, is where I can lend no support - moral or otherwise. The ladies' - shall we say - lounge? -The ladies' - shall we say - lounge? Being violently ill to her tummy. -Being violently ill to her tummy. It's good luck before an audition. She'll be all right once it starts. -Miss Caswell got lucky too late. The audition is over. Over? It can't be. I've come to read with her. I promised Max. -Over? It can't be. I've come to read with her. I promised Max. The audition was called for 2:30. It is now nearly four. -The audition was called for 2:30. It is now nearly four. Is it really? I must start wearing a watch, I never do, you know... who read with Miss Caswell? Bill? Lloyd? Well, it couldn't have been Max! Who? -Is it really? I must start wearing a watch, I never do, you know... who read with Miss Caswell? Bill? Lloyd? Well, it couldn't have been Max! Who? Naturally enough, your understudy. -Naturally enough, your understudy. I consider it highly unnatural to allow a girl in an advanced state of pregnancy- -I consider it highly unnatural to allow a girl in an advanced state of pregnancy- I refer to your new and unpregnant understudy. Eve Harrington. -I refer to your new and unpregnant understudy. Eve Harrington. Eve! My understudy... -Eve! My understudy... Didn't you know? -Didn't you know? Of course I knew. -Of course I knew. It just slipped your mind. -How... how was Miss Caswell? Frankly, I don't remember. -Frankly, I don't remember. Just slipped your mind. -Just slipped your mind. Completely. Nor, I am sure, could anyone else present tell you how Miss Caswell read or whether Miss Caswell read or rode a pogo stick. -Completely. Nor, I am sure, could anyone else present tell you how Miss Caswell read or whether Miss Caswell read or rode a pogo stick. Was she that bad? -Margo, as you know, i have lived in the Theater as a Trappist monk lives in his faith. I have no other world, no other life - and once in a great while I experience that moment of Revelation for which all true believers wait and pray. You were one. Jeanne Eagels another... Paula Wessely... Hayes - there are others, three or four. Eve Harrington will be among them... I take it she read well. -I take it she read well. It wasn't reading, it was a performance. Brilliant, vivid, something made of music and fire... -It wasn't reading, it was a performance. Brilliant, vivid, something made of music and fire... How nice. -How nice. In time she'll be what you are. -In time she'll be what you are. A mass of music and fire. That's me. An old kazoo and some sparkles. Tell me - was Bill swept away, too, or were you too full of Revelation to notice? -A mass of music and fire. That's me. An old kazoo and some sparkles. Tell me - was Bill swept away, too, or were you too full of Revelation to notice? Bill didn't say - but Lloyd was beside himself. He listened to his play as if someone else had written it, he said, it sounded so fresh, so new, so full of meaning... -Bill didn't say - but Lloyd was beside himself. He listened to his play as if someone else had written it, he said, it sounded so fresh, so new, so full of meaning... How nice for Lloyd. And how nice for Eve. How nice for everybody. -Eve was incredibly modest. She insisted that no credit was due her, that Lloyd felt as he did only because she read lines exactly as he had written them. The implication being that I have not been reading them as written. -The implication being that I have not been reading them as written. To the best of my recollection, neither your name nor your performance entered the conversation. -Bill... The air lines have clocks, even if you haven't! I start shooting a week from Monday - Zanuck is impatient, he wants me, he needs me! -The air lines have clocks, even if you haven't! I start shooting a week from Monday - Zanuck is impatient, he wants me, he needs me! Bill- -Bill! Huh? -Huh? This is Eve Harrington. -You've already met. Where? -Where? Right here. A minute ago. -Right here. A minute ago. That's nice. -Good luck, genius... Geniuses don't need good luck. I do. -Macbeth. We know you, we've seen you before like this. Is it over - or just beginning? -I guess at this point I'm what the French call 'de trop'... Maybe just a little around the edges. -When? When are you going to do it? Tomorrow we meet at City Hall at ten- - and you're going to be on time. -Nothing? Everything... everything's so funny... -Forty-five minutes from now my plane takes off and how do I find you? Not ready yet, looking like a junk yard- Thank you so much. -Thank you so much. Is it sabotage, does my career mean nothing to you? Have you no human consideration? -Is it sabotage, does my career mean nothing to you? Have you no human consideration? Show me a human and I might have! -Only in some ways. You're prettier... I'm a junk yard. -Hi. My wonderful junk yard. The mystery and dreams you find in a junk yard- Heaven help me, I love a psychotic. -Oh well... ... look through the wigs, maybe it got caught- Real diamonds in a wig. The world we live in... -Real diamonds in a wig. The world we live in... Where's my coat? -Can't keep his eyes off my legs. Like a nylon lemon peel- -Like a nylon lemon peel- Byron couldn't have said it more graciously... here we go- -She's quite a girl, that what's-her name... Eve. I'd forgotten they grew that way... -Eve. I'd forgotten they grew that way... The lack of pretense, that sort of strange directness and understanding- -The lack of pretense, that sort of strange directness and understanding- Did she tell you about the Theater and what it meant? -Did she tell you about the Theater and what it meant? I told her. I sounded off. -I told her. I sounded off. All the religions in the world rolled into one, and we're Gods and Goddesses... isn't it silly, suddenly I've developed a big protective feeling for her - a lamb loose in our big stone jungle... -Take care of yourself out there... I understand they've got the Indians pretty well in hand... -I understand they've got the Indians pretty well in hand... Bill... -Bill... Huh? -Huh? Don't get stuck on some glamour puss- -Don't get stuck on some glamour puss- I'll try. -I'll try. You're not such a bargain, you know, conceited and thoughtless and messy- -You're not such a bargain, you know, conceited and thoughtless and messy- Everybody can't be Gregory Peck. -Everybody can't be Gregory Peck. - you're a setup for some gorgeous wide-eyed young babe. -- you're a setup for some gorgeous wide-eyed young babe. How childish are you going to get before you quit it? -How childish are you going to get before you quit it? I don't want to be childish, I'd settle for just a few years- -I don't want to be childish, I'd settle for just a few years- And cut that out right now. -And cut that out right now. Am I going to lose you, Bill? Am I? -Am I going to lose you, Bill? Am I? As of this moment you're six years old... -Knit me a muffler. Call me when you get in... -What a thoughtful, ever-lovin' thing to do- Bill? Have I gone crazy, Bill? -Bill? Have I gone crazy, Bill? You're my girl, aren't you? -You're my girl, aren't you? That I am... -That I am... Then you're crazy. -Then you're crazy. When - when are you coming back? -When - when are you coming back? I leave in a week - the picture's all wrapped up, we previewed last night... those previews. Like opening out of town, but terrifying. There's nothing you can do, you're trapped, you're in a tin can- -I leave in a week - the picture's all wrapped up, we previewed last night... those previews. Like opening out of town, but terrifying. There's nothing you can do, you're trapped, you're in a tin can- - in a tin can, cellophane or wrapped in a Navajo blanket, I want you home... -- in a tin can, cellophane or wrapped in a Navajo blanket, I want you home... You in a hurry? -You in a hurry? A big hurry, be quick about it - so good night, darling, and sleep tight... -A big hurry, be quick about it - so good night, darling, and sleep tight... Wait a minute! You can't hang up, you haven't even said it- -Wait a minute! You can't hang up, you haven't even said it- Bill, you know how much I do - but over the phone, now really, that's kid stuff... -Bill, you know how much I do - but over the phone, now really, that's kid stuff... Kid stuff or not, it doesn't happen every day, I want to heat it - and if you won't say it, you can sing it... -Kid stuff or not, it doesn't happen every day, I want to heat it - and if you won't say it, you can sing it... Sing it? -Sing it? Sure! Like the Western Union boys used to do... -Bill... Bill, it's your birthday. And who remembered it? Who was there on the dot, at twelve midnight...? -Happy birthday, darling... "The reading could have been better, but you said it - now ""many happy returns of the day...""" -"The reading could have been better, but you said it - now ""many happy returns of the day...""" Many happy returns of the day... -Many happy returns of the day... I get a party, don't I? -I get a party, don't I? Of course, birthday and welcome home... who'll I ask? -Of course, birthday and welcome home... who'll I ask? It's no secret, I know all about the party - Eve wrote me... -It's no secret, I know all about the party - Eve wrote me... She did...? -She did...? She hasn't missed a week since I left - but you know all that, you probably tell her what to write... anyway, I sent her a list of people to ask - check with her. -She hasn't missed a week since I left - but you know all that, you probably tell her what to write... anyway, I sent her a list of people to ask - check with her. Yeah... I will. -Yeah... I will. How is Eve? Okay? -How is Eve? Okay? Okay. -Okay. I love you... -I love you... I'll check with Eve... -I'll check with Eve... What? -What? I love you too. Good night, darling- -I love you too. Good night, darling- See you... -Outside of a beehive, Margo, your behavior would hardly be considered either queenly or motherly! You're in a beehive, pal, didn't you know? We're all busy little bees, full of stings, making honey day and night- - aren't we, honey? -It's a good thought. It won't play. -Happy little housewife... Cut it out. -Cut it out. This is my house, not a theater! In my house you're a guest, not a director-! -Need any help? To put me to bed? Take my clothes off, hold my head, tuck me in, turn off the lights, tiptoe out...? eve would. Wouldn't you, Eve? -Don't let me kill the point. Or isn't it a story for grownups? You've heard it. About when I looked through the wrong end of a camera finder. -You've heard it. About when I looked through the wrong end of a camera finder. Remind me to tell you about when I looked into the heart of an artichoke. -Looks like I'm going to have a very fancy party... I thought you were going to be late- -I thought you were going to be late- When I'm guest of honor? -When I'm guest of honor? I had no idea you were even here. -I had no idea you were even here. I ran into Eve on my way upstairs; she told me you were dressing. -I ran into Eve on my way upstairs; she told me you were dressing. That never stopped you before. -That never stopped you before. Well, we started talking, she wanted to know all about Hollywood, she seemed so interested... -Well, we started talking, she wanted to know all about Hollywood, she seemed so interested... She's a girl of so many interests. -She's a girl of so many interests. It's a pretty rare quality these days. -It's a pretty rare quality these days. She's a girl of so many rare qualities. -She's a girl of so many rare qualities. So she seems. -So she seems. So you've pointed out, so often. So many qualities, so often. Her loyalty, efficiency, devotion, warmth, affection - and so young. So young and so fair... -I can't believe you're making this up - it sounds like something out of an old Clyde Fitch play... Clyde Fitch, thought you may not think so, was well before my time! -Clyde Fitch, thought you may not think so, was well before my time! I've always denied the legend that you were in 'Our American Cousin' the night Lincoln was shot... -I've always denied the legend that you were in 'Our American Cousin' the night Lincoln was shot... I don't think that's funny! -I don't think that's funny! Of course it's funny - this is all too laughable to be anything else. You know what I think about this - this age obsession of yours - and now this ridiculous attempt to whip yourself up into a jealous froth because I spent ten minutes with a stage-struck kid- -Of course it's funny - this is all too laughable to be anything else. You know what I think about this - this age obsession of yours - and now this ridiculous attempt to whip yourself up into a jealous froth because I spent ten minutes with a stage-struck kid- Twenty minutes! -Twenty minutes! Thirty minutes, forty minutes! What of it? -Thirty minutes, forty minutes! What of it? Stage-struck kid... she's a young lady - of qualities. And I'll have you know I'm fed up with both the young lady and her qualities! Studying me as if - as if I were a play or a set of blueprints! How I walk, talk, think, eat, sleep! -Stage-struck kid... she's a young lady - of qualities. And I'll have you know I'm fed up with both the young lady and her qualities! Studying me as if - as if I were a play or a set of blueprints! How I walk, talk, think, eat, sleep! Now how can you take offense at a kid trying in every way to be as much like her ideal as possible! -Now how can you take offense at a kid trying in every way to be as much like her ideal as possible! Stop calling her a kid! It so happens there are particular aspects of my life to which I would like to maintain sole and exclusive rights and privileges! -Stop calling her a kid! It so happens there are particular aspects of my life to which I would like to maintain sole and exclusive rights and privileges! For instance what? -For instance what? For instance - you! -For instance - you! This is my cue to take you in my arms and reassure you - but I'm not going to. I'm too mad- -This is my cue to take you in my arms and reassure you - but I'm not going to. I'm too mad- - guilty. -- guilty. Mad! Darling, there are certain characteristics for which you are famous - on stage and off. I love you for some of them - and in spite of others. I haven't let those become too important to me. They're part of your equipment for getting along in what is laughably called out environment - you've got to keep your teeth sharp. All right. But you will not sharpen them on me - or on Eve... -Mad! Darling, there are certain characteristics for which you are famous - on stage and off. I love you for some of them - and in spite of others. I haven't let those become too important to me. They're part of your equipment for getting along in what is laughably called out environment - you've got to keep your teeth sharp. All right. But you will not sharpen them on me - or on Eve... What about her teeth? What about her fangs? -What about her teeth? What about her fangs? She hasn't cut them yet, and you know it! So when you start judging an idealistic dreamy-eyed kid by the barroom, Benzedrine standards of this megalomaniac society - I won't have it! Eve Harrington has never by word, look, thought or suggestion indicated anything to me but her adoration for you and her happiness at our being in love! And to intimate anything else doesn't spell jealousy to me - it spells a paranoic insecurity that you should be ashamed of! -She hasn't cut them yet, and you know it! So when you start judging an idealistic dreamy-eyed kid by the barroom, Benzedrine standards of this megalomaniac society - I won't have it! Eve Harrington has never by word, look, thought or suggestion indicated anything to me but her adoration for you and her happiness at our being in love! And to intimate anything else doesn't spell jealousy to me - it spells a paranoic insecurity that you should be ashamed of! Cut! Print it! What happens in the next reel? Do I get dragged off screaming to the snake pit? -Thank you. Nothing, really... -Nothing, really... The kid - junior, that is - will be right down. Unless you'd like to take her drink up to her... -The kid - junior, that is - will be right down. Unless you'd like to take her drink up to her... I can always get a fresh one. Karen - you're a Gibson girl... -Many of your guests have been wondering when they may be permitted to view the body. Where has it been laid out? It hasn't been laid out, we haven't finished with the embalming. As a matter of fact, you're looking at it. The remains of Margo Channing. Sitting up. It is my last wish to be buried sitting up. -It hasn't been laid out, we haven't finished with the embalming. As a matter of fact, you're looking at it. The remains of Margo Channing. Sitting up. It is my last wish to be buried sitting up. Wouldn't you feel more natural taking a bow? -Wouldn't you feel more natural taking a bow? You know nothing about feelings, natural or unnatural. -You know nothing about feelings, natural or unnatural. Then without feeling, your guests were also wondering whether the music couldn't be a shade more on the - shall we say, happier side? -Then without feeling, your guests were also wondering whether the music couldn't be a shade more on the - shall we say, happier side? If my guests do not like it here, I suggest they accompany you to the nursery where I'm sure you will all feel more at home. -No heart to burn. Everybody has a heart - except some people. Of course I've got bicarb. There's a box in the pantry. We'll put your name on it. Max Fabian. It'll say there. Always. Just for you. -It's all over. What's all over? -What's all over? The audition. -The audition. Eve? How enchanting... Wherever did you get the idea of having Eve read with Miss Caswell? -What fire and music? You wouldn't understand. How was Miss Caswell? -Addison-! So full of meaning, fire and music! -And you, I take it, are the Paderewski who plays his concerto on me, the piano? Where is Princess Fire-and-Music? Who? -Who? The kid. Junior. -The kid. Junior. Gone. -Gone. I must have frightened her away. -I must have frightened her away. I wouldn't be surprised. Sometimes you frighten me. -I wouldn't be surprised. Sometimes you frighten me. Poor little flower. Just dropped her petals and folded her tent... -Poor little flower. Just dropped her petals and folded her tent... Don't mix your metaphors. -Don't mix your metaphors. I mix what I like. -I mix what I like. Okay. Mix. -Okay. Mix. I'm nothing but a body with a voice. No mind. -I'm nothing but a body with a voice. No mind. What a body, what a voice. -What a body, what a voice. The ex-ship news' reporter. No body, no voice, all mind! -The ex-ship news' reporter. No body, no voice, all mind! The gong rang. The fight's over. Calm down. -The gong rang. The fight's over. Calm down. I will not calm down! -I will not calm down! Don't calm down. -Don't calm down. You're being terribly tolerant, aren't you? -You're being terribly tolerant, aren't you? I'm trying terribly hard. -I'm trying terribly hard. Well, you needn't. I will not be tolerated. And I will not be plotted against! -Well, you needn't. I will not be tolerated. And I will not be plotted against! Here we go... -Here we go... Such nonsense, what do you all take me for - little Nell from the country? Been my understudy for over a week without my knowing, carefully hidden no doubt- -Such nonsense, what do you all take me for - little Nell from the country? Been my understudy for over a week without my knowing, carefully hidden no doubt- Now don't get carried away- -Now don't get carried away- - shows up for an audition when everyone knew I'd be here... and gives a performance! Out of nowhere - gives a performance! -- shows up for an audition when everyone knew I'd be here... and gives a performance! Out of nowhere - gives a performance! You've been all through that with Lloyd- -You've been all through that with Lloyd- The playwright doesn't make the performance - and it doesn't just happen! And this one didn't - full of fire and music and whatnot, it was carefully rehearsed I have no doubt, over and over, full of those Bill Sampson touches! -The playwright doesn't make the performance - and it doesn't just happen! And this one didn't - full of fire and music and whatnot, it was carefully rehearsed I have no doubt, over and over, full of those Bill Sampson touches! I am sick and tired of these paranoiac outbursts! -I am sick and tired of these paranoiac outbursts! Paranoiac! -Paranoiac! I didn't know Eve Harrington was your understudy until half past two this afternoon! -I didn't know Eve Harrington was your understudy until half past two this afternoon! Tell that to Dr. Freud! Along with the rest of it... -No, I'll tell it to you! For the last time, I'll tell it to you. Because you've got to stop hurting yourself, and me, and the two of us by these paranoiac tantrums! That word again! I don't even know what it means... -That word again! I don't even know what it means... It's time you found out. I love you. I love you. You're a beautiful and intelligent woman- - a beautiful and intelligent woman and a great actress- - at the peak of her career. You have every reason for happiness- - every reason, but due to some strange, uncontrollable, unconscious drive you permit the slightest action of a kid- - kid like Eve to turn you into a hysterical, screaming harpy! Now once and for all, stop it! -It's obvious you're not a woman. I've been aware of that for some time. -I've been aware of that for some time. Well, I am. -Well, I am. I'll say. -I'll say. Don't be condescending. -Don't be condescending. Come on, get up. I'll buy you a drink. -Come on, get up. I'll buy you a drink. I admit I may have seen better days, but I am still not to be had for the price of a cocktail - like a salted peanut. -I admit I may have seen better days, but I am still not to be had for the price of a cocktail - like a salted peanut. Margo, let's make peace. -Margo, let's make peace. The terms are too high. Unconditional surrender. -The terms are too high. Unconditional surrender. Just being happy? Just stopping all this nonsense about Eve - and Eve and me? -Just being happy? Just stopping all this nonsense about Eve - and Eve and me? It's not nonsense. -It's not nonsense. But if I tell you it is - as I just did. Were you listening to me? Isn't that enough? -But if I tell you it is - as I just did. Were you listening to me? Isn't that enough? I wish it were. -I wish it were. Then what would be enough? If we were married? -Then what would be enough? If we were married? I wouldn't want you to marry me just to prove something. -I wouldn't want you to marry me just to prove something. You've had so many reasons for not wanting to marry me... Margo, tell me what's behind all this. -You've had so many reasons for not wanting to marry me... Margo, tell me what's behind all this. I - I don't know, Bill. Just a feeling, I don't know... -I - I don't know, Bill. Just a feeling, I don't know... I think you do know but you won't or can't tell me. I said before it was going to be my last try, and I meant it. I can't think of anything else to do. I wish I could. We usually wind up screaming and throwing things as the curtain comes down. Then it comes up again and everything's fine. But not this time. You know there isn't a playwright in the world who could make me believe this would happen between two adult people. Goodbye, Margo. -Bill... ... where are you going? To find Eve? That suddenly makes the whole thing believable. -The so-called art of acting is not one for which I have a particularly high regard... Hear, hear... -Hear, hear... But you may quote me as follows. Quote. Tonight Miss Margo Channing gave a performance in your cockamamie play, the like of which I have never seen before and expect rarely to see again. Unquote. -But you may quote me as follows. Quote. Tonight Miss Margo Channing gave a performance in your cockamamie play, the like of which I have never seen before and expect rarely to see again. Unquote. He does not exaggerate. I was good. -He does not exaggerate. I was good. You were great. -To Margo. To my bride-to-be. Glory Hallelujah. -It's only for the license. There's a three-day wait - blood tests, things like that... I'll marry you if it turns out you have no blood at all. -Something simple. A fur coat over a nightgown... The point is - in the cathedral, a ball park or a penny arcade - we want to have you two beside us our nearest and dearest friends. -"""Please forgive me for butting into what seems such a happy occasion - but it's most important that I speak with you. Please"" - it's underlined - ""meet me in the Ladies' Room. Eve.""" I understand she is now the understudy in there. -I understand she is now the understudy in there. Pass me the empty bottle. I may find her... why, look. There's Rasputin. -Groom- - may I have a wedding present? What would you like? Texas? -What would you like? Texas? I want everybody to shut up about Eve. Just shut up about Eve, that's all I want. Give Karen more wine... ... never have I been so happy. Isn't this a lovely room? The Cub Room. What a lovely, clever name. Where the elite meet. Never have I seen so much elite - and all with their eyes on me. Waiting for me to crack that little gnome over the noggin with a bottle. But not tonight. Even Eve. I forgive Eve... there they go. -There goes Eve. Eve evil, Little Miss Evil. But the evil that men do - how does it go, groom? Something about the good they leave behind - I played it once in rep in Wilkes Barre... You've got it backwards. Even for Wilkes-Barre. -You've got it backwards. Even for Wilkes-Barre. You know why I forgive Eve? Because she's left good behind - the four of us, together like this, it's Eve's fault - I forgive her... -Never try to outguess Margo. Groom. -Groom. Yes, dear. -Yes, dear. You know what I'm going to be? -You know what I'm going to be? A cowboy. -A cowboy. A married lady. -A married lady. With the paper to prove it. -With the paper to prove it. I'm going to have a home. Not just a house I'm afraid to stay in... and a man to go with it. I'll look up at six o'clock - and there he'll be... remember, Karen? -Often enough to keep the franchise. A foursquare, upright, downright, forthright married lady... that's for me. And no more make believe! Off stage or on... remember, Lloyd. I mean it, now. Grown-up women only, I might even play a mother - only one child, of course, not over eight... Lloyd, will you promise not to be angry with me? -Hello, what's your name? Eve. Eve Harrington. -You said forty-seven minutes. You'll never make it. I told you a lie. We'll make it easily. Margo's got no more conception of time than a halibut. -Why? I just wondered. -I just wondered. Just wondered what? -Just wondered what? Why. -Why. Why what? -Why what? Why you have to go out there. -Why you have to go out there. I don't have to. I want to. -I don't have to. I want to. Is it the money? -Is it the money? Eighty percent of it will go for taxes. -Eighty percent of it will go for taxes. Then why? Why, if you're the best and most successful young director in the Theater- -Then why? Why, if you're the best and most successful young director in the Theater- The Theatuh, the Theatuh- - what book of rules says the Theater exists only within some ugly buildings crowded into one square mile of New York City? Or London, Paris or Vienna? Listen, junior. And learn. Want to know what the Theater is? A flea circus. Also opera. Also rodeos, carnivals, ballets, Indian tribal dances, Punch and Judy, a one-man band - all Theater. Wherever there's magic and make-believe and an audience - there's Theater. Donald Duck, Ibsen, and The Lone Ranger, Sarah Bernhardt, Poodles Hanneford, Lunt and Fontanne, Betty Grable, Rex and Wild, and Eleanora Duse. You don't understand them all, you don't like them all, why should you? The Theater's for everybody - you included, but not exclusively - so don't approve or disapprove. It may not be your Theater, but it's Theater of somebody, somewhere. -The Theatuh, the Theatuh- - what book of rules says the Theater exists only within some ugly buildings crowded into one square mile of New York City? Or London, Paris or Vienna? Listen, junior. And learn. Want to know what the Theater is? A flea circus. Also opera. Also rodeos, carnivals, ballets, Indian tribal dances, Punch and Judy, a one-man band - all Theater. Wherever there's magic and make-believe and an audience - there's Theater. Donald Duck, Ibsen, and The Lone Ranger, Sarah Bernhardt, Poodles Hanneford, Lunt and Fontanne, Betty Grable, Rex and Wild, and Eleanora Duse. You don't understand them all, you don't like them all, why should you? The Theater's for everybody - you included, but not exclusively - so don't approve or disapprove. It may not be your Theater, but it's Theater of somebody, somewhere. I just asked a simple question. -I just asked a simple question. And I shot my mouth off. Nothing personal, junior, no offense... ... it's just that there's so much bushwah in this Ivory Green Room they call the Theatuh - sometimes it gets up around my chin... -But Hollywood. You mustn't stay there. It's only one picture deal. -It's only one picture deal. So few come back... -So few come back... Yeah. They keep you under drugs out there with armed guards... -I read George Jean Nathan every week. Also Addison deWitt. -Also Addison deWitt. Every day. -Every day. You didn't have to tell me. -Ah... I have a suggestion. There's really not much time left - I mean, you haven't had a minute alone yet, and - well, I could take care of everything here and meet you at the gate with the ticket... if you'd like. -I have a suggestion. There's really not much time left - I mean, you haven't had a minute alone yet, and - well, I could take care of everything here and meet you at the gate with the ticket... if you'd like. I think we'd like very much. Sure you won't mind? -I think we'd like very much. Sure you won't mind? Of course not. -Thanks for your help... good luck. Goodbye, Mr. Sampson. -Yes. Yes, it does. It means concentration of ambition, desire, and sacrifice such as no other profession demands... And I'll agree that the man or woman who accepts those terms can't be ordinary, can't be - just someone. To give so much for almost always so little... -- little things here and there, it doesn't matter. You can be proud of yourself, you've got a right to be. Are you proud of me, Bill? -Are you proud of me, Bill? I'll admit I was worried when Max called. I had my doubts. -I'll admit I was worried when Max called. I had my doubts. You shouldn't have had any doubts. -You shouldn't have had any doubts. - after all, the other day was one scene, the woods are full of one scene sensations. But you did it. With work and patience, you'll be a fine actress. If that's what you want to be. -- after all, the other day was one scene, the woods are full of one scene sensations. But you did it. With work and patience, you'll be a fine actress. If that's what you want to be. Is that what you want me to be? -Is that what you want me to be? I'm talking about you. And what you want. -I'm talking about you. And what you want. So am I. -So am I. What have I got to do with it? -What have I got to do with it? Everything. -Everything. The names I've been called. But never Svengali. Good luck. -Don't run away, Bill. From what would I be running? -From what would I be running? You're always after truth - on the stage. What about off? -You're always after truth - on the stage. What about off? I'm for it. -I'm for it. Then face it. I have. Since that first night - here - in the dressing room. -Then face it. I have. Since that first night - here - in the dressing room. When I told you what every young actress should know. -When I told you what every young actress should know. When you told me that whatever I became, it would be because of you- -When you told me that whatever I became, it would be because of you- Your make-up's a little heavy. -Your make-up's a little heavy. - and for you. -- and for you. You're quite a girl. -You're quite a girl. You think? -You think? I'm in love with Margo. Hadn't you heard? -I'm in love with Margo. Hadn't you heard? You hear all kinds of things. -You hear all kinds of things. I'm only human, rumors to the contrary. And I'm as curious as the next man... -I'm only human, rumors to the contrary. And I'm as curious as the next man... Find out. -Find out. Only thing, what I go after, I want to go after. I don't want it to come after me. -Lemme fix you a drink. No thanks, Birdie. -Margo does not play a lunatic, Birdie. I know. She just keeps hearin' her dead father play the banjo. -The bed looks like a dead animal act. Which one is sables? But she just got here... -But she just got here... She's on her way. With half the men in the joint. It's only a fur coat... -She's on her way. With half the men in the joint. It's only a fur coat... What did you expect - live sables? -What did you expect - live sables? A diamond collar, gold sleeves - you know, picture people... -Bill says actors out there eat just as infrequently as here- They can always grab oranges off trees. This you can't do in Times Square... -It was Fort Sumter they fired on- I never played Fort Sumter. -You need new girdles. Buy some. -Buy some. The same size? -The same size? Of course! -Of course! Well. I guess a real tight girdle help when you're playin' a lunatic. -How do you do, my dear. Oh, brother. -And this is my good friend and companion, Miss Birdie Coonan. Oh, brother. -Oh, brother. Miss Coonan... -I'm sure you must have things to do in the bathroom, Birdie dear. If I haven't, I'll find something till you're normal. -There are some human experiences, Birdie, that do not take place in a vaudeville house - and that even a fifth-rate vaudevillian should understand and respect! I want to apologize for Birdie's- You don't have to apologize for me! I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. It's just my way of talkin'... -She, too, is a great admirer of yours. Imagine. All this admiration in just one room. -Kill the people. Got your key? See you home... -You bought the new girdles a size smaller. I can feel it. Something maybe grew a size bigger. -Something maybe grew a size bigger. When we get home you're going to get into one of those girdles and act for two and half hours. -When we get home you're going to get into one of those girdles and act for two and half hours. I couldn't get into the girdle in two an' a half hours... -Adorable. We now got everything a dressing room needs except a basketball hoop. Just because you can't even work a zipper. It was very thoughtful, Eve, and I appreciate it- -"If I may so bold as to say something - did you ever hear the word ""union""?" Behind in your dues? How much? -Behind in your dues? How much? I haven't got a union. I'm slave labor. -I haven't got a union. I'm slave labor. Well? -Well? But the wardrobe women have got one. And next to a tenor, a wardrobe woman is the touchiest thing in show business- -But the wardrobe women have got one. And next to a tenor, a wardrobe woman is the touchiest thing in show business- Oh-oh. -Oh-oh. She's got two things to do - carry clothes an' press 'em wrong - an' just let anybody else muscle in... -Birdie- Hmm? -Hmm? You don't like Eve, do you? -You don't like Eve, do you? Do you want an argument or an answer? -Do you want an argument or an answer? An answer. -An answer. No. -No. Why not? -Why not? Now you want an argument. -Now you want an argument. She works hard. -She works hard. Night an' day. -Night an' day. She's loyal and efficient- -She's loyal and efficient- Like an agent with one client. -Like an agent with one client. She thinks only for me... ... doesn't she? -She thinks only for me... ... doesn't she? Well... let's say she thinks only about you, anyway... -Well... let's say she thinks only about you, anyway... How do you mean that? -I'll tell you how. Like - let's see - like she was studyin' you, like you were a play or a book or a set of blueprints. How you walk, talk, think, eat, sleep- I'm sure that's very flattering, Birdie, and I'm sure there's nothing wrong with that! -You all put together? My back's open. Did the extra help get here? -My back's open. Did the extra help get here? There's some loose characters dressed like maids and butlers. Who'd you call - the William Morris Agency? -There's some loose characters dressed like maids and butlers. Who'd you call - the William Morris Agency? You're not being funny, I could get actors for less. What about the food? -You're not being funny, I could get actors for less. What about the food? The caterer had to back for hors d'oeuvres- Voila. -The caterer had to back for hors d'oeuvres- Voila. That French ventriloquist taught you a lot, didn't he? -That French ventriloquist taught you a lot, didn't he? There was nothing he didn't know. There's a message from the bartender. Does Miss Channing know we ordered domestic gin by mistake? -There was nothing he didn't know. There's a message from the bartender. Does Miss Channing know we ordered domestic gin by mistake? The only thing I ordered by mistake is the guests. They're domestic, too, and they don't care what they drink as long as it burns... where's Bill? He's late. -The only thing I ordered by mistake is the guests. They're domestic, too, and they don't care what they drink as long as it burns... where's Bill? He's late. Late for what? -Late for what? Don't be dense. The party. -Don't be dense. The party. I ain't dense. And he's been here twenty minutes. -I ain't dense. And he's been here twenty minutes. Well, I certainly think it's odd he hasn't even come up... -Who are you? Miss Harrington... -Miss Harrington... What are you doing here? -What are you doing here? I - I guess I fell asleep. -Please don't have me arrested, please! I didn't steal anything - you can search me! How did you get in here? -How did you get in here? I hid outside in the hall till the maid came to turn down your bed. She must've forgot something and when she went to get it, she left the door open. I sneaked in and hid till she finished. Then I just looked around - and pretty soon I was afraid somebody'd notice the lights were on so I turned them off - and then I guess, I fell asleep. -I hid outside in the hall till the maid came to turn down your bed. She must've forgot something and when she went to get it, she left the door open. I sneaked in and hid till she finished. Then I just looked around - and pretty soon I was afraid somebody'd notice the lights were on so I turned them off - and then I guess, I fell asleep. You were just looking around... -You were just looking around... That's all. -That's all. What for? -What for? You probably won't believe me. -You probably won't believe me. Probably not. -Probably not. It was for my report. -It was for my report. What report? To whom? -What report? To whom? About how you live, what kind of clothes you wear - what kind of perfume and books - things like that. You know the Eve Harrington clubs - that they've got in most of the girls' high schools? -About how you live, what kind of clothes you wear - what kind of perfume and books - things like that. You know the Eve Harrington clubs - that they've got in most of the girls' high schools? I've heard of them. -I've heard of them. Ours was one of the first. Erasmus Hall. I'm the president. -Ours was one of the first. Erasmus Hall. I'm the president. Erasmus Hall. That's in Brooklyn, isn't it? -Erasmus Hall. That's in Brooklyn, isn't it? Lots of actresses come from Brooklyn. Barbara Stanwyck, Susan Hayward - of course, they're just movie stars. -You're going to Hollywood - aren't you? From the trunks you're packing, you must be going to stay a long time. I might. -I might. That spilled drink is going to ruin your carper. -The maid'll fix it in the morning. I'll just pick up the broken glass. -I'll just pick up the broken glass. Don't bother. -How'd you get all the way up here from Brooklyn? Subway. -Subway. How long does it take? -How long does it take? With changing and everything, a little over an hour. -It's after one now. You won't get home till all hours. I don't care if I never get home. -That's the door. You rest. I'll get it... -So there you are. It seemed odd, suddenly, your not being there... Why should you think I wouldn't be? -Why should you think I wouldn't be? Why should you be? After all, six nights a week - for weeks - of watching even Margo Channing enter and leave a theater- -Why should you be? After all, six nights a week - for weeks - of watching even Margo Channing enter and leave a theater- I hope you don't mind my speaking to you... -I hope you don't mind my speaking to you... Not at all. -Not at all. I've seen you so often - it took every bit of courage I could raise- -I've seen you so often - it took every bit of courage I could raise- To speak to just a playwright's wife? I'm the lowest form of celebrity... -To speak to just a playwright's wife? I'm the lowest form of celebrity... You're Margo Channing's best friend. You and your husband are always with her - and Mr. Sampson... what's he like? -You're Margo Channing's best friend. You and your husband are always with her - and Mr. Sampson... what's he like? Bill Sampson? He's - he's a director. -Bill Sampson? He's - he's a director. He's the best. -He's the best. He'll agree with you. Tell me, what do you between the time Margo goes in and comes out? Just huddle in that doorway and wait? -He'll agree with you. Tell me, what do you between the time Margo goes in and comes out? Just huddle in that doorway and wait? Oh, no. I see the play. -Oh, no. I see the play. You see the play? You've seen the play every performance? But, don't you find it - I mean apart from everything else - don't you find it expensive? -You see the play? You've seen the play every performance? But, don't you find it - I mean apart from everything else - don't you find it expensive? Standing room doesn't cost much. I manage. -I'm going to take you to Margo... Oh, no... -Oh, no... She's got to meet you- -She's got to meet you- No, I'd be imposing on her, I'd be just another tongue-tied gushing fan... -There isn't another like you, there couldn't be- But if I'd known... maybe some other time... I mean, looking like this. -But if I'd known... maybe some other time... I mean, looking like this. You look just fine... ... by the way. What's your name? -You look just fine... ... by the way. What's your name? Eve. Eve Harrington. -I thought you'd forgotten about me. Not at all. Margo, this is Eve Harrington. -Hello, Miss Channing. My husband... -If I only knew how... Try... -Try... Well... -Eve... why don't you start at the beginning? It couldn't possibly interest you. -You're not going, are you? I think I'd better. It's been - well, I can hardly find the words to say how it's been... -Good night, Eve. I hope I see you again soon- I'll be at the old stand, tomorrow matinee- -I'll be at the old stand, tomorrow matinee- Not just that way. As a friend... -Not just that way. As a friend... I'd like that. -Now who's show up at this hour? It's time people went home - hold that coat up... ... whose is it? Some Hollywood movie star, her plane got in late. -Some Hollywood movie star, her plane got in late. Discouraging, isn't it? Women with furs like that where it never gets cold... -Discouraging, isn't it? Women with furs like that where it never gets cold... Hollywood. -Hollywood. Tell me, Eve - how are things with you? Happy? -There should be a new word for happiness. Being here with Miss Channing has been - I just can't say, she's been so wonderful, done so much for me- Lloyd says Margo compensates for underplaying on the stage by overplaying reality... ... next to that sable, my new mink seems like an old bedjacket... ... you've done your share, Eve. You've worked wonders with Margo... -Mrs. Richards. Karen. -Karen. Karen... ... isn't it awful, I'm about to ask you for another favor - after all you've already done. -Karen... ... isn't it awful, I'm about to ask you for another favor - after all you've already done. Nobody's done so much, Eve, you've got to stop thinking of yourself as one of the Hundred Neediest Cases... what is it? -Nobody's done so much, Eve, you've got to stop thinking of yourself as one of the Hundred Neediest Cases... what is it? Well... Miss Channing's affairs are in such good shape... there isn't enough to keep me as busy as I should be, really - not that I've ever considered anything that would take me away from her... but the other day - when I heard Mr. Fabian tell Miss Channing that her understudy was going to have a baby, and they'd have to replace her... -... you want to be Margo's new understudy. I don't let myself think about it, even- - but I do know the part so well, and every bit of the staging, there'd be no need to break in a new girl- - but suppose I had to go on one night? To an audience that came to see Margo Channing. No, I couldn't possibly... -I don't let myself think about it, even- - but I do know the part so well, and every bit of the staging, there'd be no need to break in a new girl- - but suppose I had to go on one night? To an audience that came to see Margo Channing. No, I couldn't possibly... Don't worry too much about that. Margo just doesn't miss performances. If she can walk, crawl or roll - she plays. -Don't worry too much about that. Margo just doesn't miss performances. If she can walk, crawl or roll - she plays. The show must go on. -The show must go on. No, dear. Margo must go on. As a matter of fact, I see no reason why you shouldn't be Margo's understudy... -No, dear. Margo must go on. As a matter of fact, I see no reason why you shouldn't be Margo's understudy... Do you think Miss Channing would approve? -Do you think Miss Channing would approve? I think she would cheer. -I think she would cheer. But Mr. Richards and Mr. Sampson- -But Mr. Richards and Mr. Sampson- They'll do as they're told. -Then - would you talk to Mr. Fabian about it? Of course. -Of course. You won't forget it? -You won't forget it? I won't forget. -I won't forget. I seem to be forever thanking you for something, don't I? -You mustn't mind Margo too much, even if I do... But there must be some reason, something I've done without knowing... -But there must be some reason, something I've done without knowing... The reason is Margo and don't try to figure it out. Einstein couldn't. -The reason is Margo and don't try to figure it out. Einstein couldn't. If I thought I'd offended her, of all people- -If I thought I'd offended her, of all people- Eve. I'm fond of Margo too. But I know Margo. And every now and then there is nothing I want to do so much as to kick her right square in the pants. -Eve. I'm fond of Margo too. But I know Margo. And every now and then there is nothing I want to do so much as to kick her right square in the pants. Well - if she's got to pick on someone, I'd just as soon it was me. -Karen... ... you won't forget, will you? What we talked about before? No, Eve, I won't forget... -May I have your coat? Don't bother, I can take it up myself... -Don't bother, I can take it up myself... Please... -Eve. I've heard the most wonderful things about your performance- Mostly relief that I managed to stagger through it at all... -We're having lunch with a movie talent scout. They certainly don't waste much time. -They certainly don't waste much time. Nothing definite yet - it's just to have lunch. -I was wondering whether you'd come at all.. Don't get up. And don't act as if I were the queen mother. -Don't get up. And don't act as if I were the queen mother. I don't expect you to be pleasant. -I don't expect you to be pleasant. I don't intend to be. -I don't intend to be. Can't we sit down? Just for a minute... -I've got a lot to say. And none of it is easy. There can't be very much- -There can't be very much- Oh, but there is- -Oh, but there is- - and easy or not, I won't believe a word. -- and easy or not, I won't believe a word. Why shouldn't you? Please sit down. -You know, I've always considered myself a very clever girl. Smart. Good head on my shoulders, that sort of thing, never the wrong word at the wrong time... but then, I'd never met Addison deWitt. I remember once I had a tooth pulled. They gave me some anaesthetic - I don't remember the name - and it affected me in a strange way. I heard myself saying things I wasn't even thinking... as if my mind were someplace outside of my body, and couldn't control what I did or said- - and you felt just like that talking to Addison. -- and you felt just like that talking to Addison. In a way. You find yourself trying to say what you mean, but somehow the words change - and they become his words - and suddenly you're not saying what you mean, but what he means- -In a way. You find yourself trying to say what you mean, but somehow the words change - and they become his words - and suddenly you're not saying what you mean, but what he means- Do you expect me to believe that you didn't say any of those things - that they were all Addison? -Do you expect me to believe that you didn't say any of those things - that they were all Addison? No! I don't expect you to believe anything. Except that the responsibility is mine. And the disgrace. -No! I don't expect you to believe anything. Except that the responsibility is mine. And the disgrace. Let's not get over-dramatic. -Let's not get over-dramatic. You've really got a low opinion of me, haven't you? We'll I'll give you some pleasant news. I've been told off in no uncertain terms all over town. Miss Channing should be happy to hear that. To know how loyal her friends are - how much more loyal they are than she had a right to expect me to be... -Eve... don't cry. I'm not crying. -I'm not crying. Tell me. How did your lunch turn out - with the man from Hollywood? -Tell me. How did your lunch turn out - with the man from Hollywood? Some vague promises of a test, that's all - if a particular part should come along, one of those things- -Some vague promises of a test, that's all - if a particular part should come along, one of those things- But the raves about your performance- -But the raves about your performance- - an understudy's performance. -- an understudy's performance. Well. I think you're painting the picture a little darker than it is, really. If nothing else - and don't underestimate him - you have a powerful friend in Addison. -Well. I think you're painting the picture a little darker than it is, really. If nothing else - and don't underestimate him - you have a powerful friend in Addison. He's not my friend. You were my friends... -He's not my friend. You were my friends... He can help you. -He can help you. I wish I'd never met him, I'd like him to be dead... I want my friends back. -Eve. I - I don't think you meant to cause unhappiness. But you did. More to yourself, perhaps - as it turned out - than to anyone else... I'll never get over it. -I'll never get over it. Yes, you will. You Theater people always do. Nothing is forever in the Theater. Love or hate, success or failure - whatever it is, it's here, it flares up and burns hot - and then it's gone. -Yes, you will. You Theater people always do. Nothing is forever in the Theater. Love or hate, success or failure - whatever it is, it's here, it flares up and burns hot - and then it's gone. I wish I could believe that. -I wish I could believe that. Give yourself time. Don't worry too much about what people think, you're very young and very talented... ... and, believe it or not, if there's anything I can do- -I think I know... Something most important you can do. -Something most important you can do. "You want to play ""Cora."" You want me to tell Lloyd I think you should play it." -"You want to play ""Cora."" You want me to tell Lloyd I think you should play it." If you told him so, he'd give me the part. He said he would. -If you told him so, he'd give me the part. He said he would. After all you've said... don't you know the part was written for Margo? -After all you've said... don't you know the part was written for Margo? It could have been - fifteen years ago. It's my part now. -It could have been - fifteen years ago. It's my part now. You talk just as Addison said you did. -You talk just as Addison said you did. """Cora"" is my part. You've got to tell Lloyd it's for me." -"""Cora"" is my part. You've got to tell Lloyd it's for me." I don't think anything in the world could make me say that. -Addison wants me to play it. Over my dead body... -Over my dead body... "That won't be necessary. Addison knows how Margo happen to miss that performance - how I happened to know she'd miss it in time to call him and notify every paper in town... ... it's quite a story. Addison could make quite a thing of it - imagine how snide and vicious he could get and still write nothing but the truth. I had a time persuading him... ... you'd better sit down. You look a bit wobbly. If I play ""Cora,"" Addison will never tell what happened - in or out of print. A simple exchange of favors. And I'm so happy I can do something for you - at long last... Your friendship with Margo - your deep, close friendship - what would happen to it, do you think, if she knew the chap trick you'd played on her - for my benefit? And you and Lloyd - how long, even in the Theater, before people forgot what happened - and trusted you again? No... it would be so much easier on everyone concerned, if I were to play ""Cora."" And so much better theater, too..." -A part in a play. You'd do all that - just for a part in a play. I'd do much more - for a part that good. -She knows enough not to be here. But not all of it - not that Lloyd and I are going to be married. -Congratulations, Eve. Thank you, Karen. -Hello, Miss Harrington. How do you do, Mr. Richards. -No, thank you. Yes. I've seen every performance. Every performance? Then - am I safe in assuming you like it? -Every performance? Then - am I safe in assuming you like it? I'd like anything Miss Channing played... -How'd hear about it? There was an item in the Times. i like the title. 'Footsteps on the Ceiling'. -There was an item in the Times. i like the title. 'Footsteps on the Ceiling'. Let's get back to this one. Have you really seen every performance? Why? I'm curious... -Well... it started with the play before this one... 'Remembrance'. -I guess it started back home. Wisconsin, that is. There was just mum, and dad - and me. I was the only child, and I made believe a lot when I was a kid - I acted out all sorts of things... what they were isn't important. But somehow acting and make-believe began to fill up my life more and more, it got so that I couldn't tell the real from the unreal except that the unreal seemed more real to me... I'm talking a lot of gibberish, aren't I? Not at all... -Not at all... Farmers were poor in those days, that's what dad was - a farmer. I had to help out. So I quit school and I went to Milwaukee. I became a secretary. In a brewery. When you're a secretary in a brewery - it's pretty hard to make believe you're anything else. Everything is beer. It wasn't much fun, but it helped at home - and there was a Little Theater Group... like a drop of rain in the desert. That's where I met Eddie. He was a radio technician. We played 'Liliom' for three performances, I was awful - then the war came, and we got married. Eddie was in the air force - and they sent him to the South Pacific. You were with the O.W.I., weren't you Mr. Richards? That's what 'Who's Who' says... well, with Eddie gone, my life went back to beer. Except for a letter a week. One week Eddie wrote he had a leave coming up. I'd saved my money and vacation time. I went to San Francisco to meet him. Eddie wasn't there. They forwarded the telegram from Milwaukee - the one that came from Washington to say that Eddie wasn't coming at all. That Eddie was dead... ... so I figured I'd stay in San Francisco. i was alone, but couldn't go back without Eddie. I found a job. And his insurance helped... and there were theaters in San Francisco. And one night Margo Channing came to play in 'Remembrance'... and I went to see it. And - well - here I am... -It's been a real pleasure, Eve. I hope so, Mr. Richards. Good night... -Back to Copacabana. But Eve. Margo, let me tell you about Eve- I was dreadful, Miss Channing, believe me - I have no right to be anyone's understudy, much less yours... -Please, don't misunderstand me, Mr. Richards. I think that part of Miss Channing's greatness lies in her ability to choose the best plays... your new play is for Miss Channing, isn't it, Mr. Richards? Of course it is. -Well. If I didn't come to see the play, I wouldn't have anywhere else to go. There are other plays... -There are other plays... Not with you in them. Not by Mr. Richards... -Did you see it here in New York? San Francisco. It was the last week. I went one night... the most important night in my life - until this one. Anyway... I found myself going the next night - and the next and the next. Every performance. Then, when the show went East - I went East. -No, don't go... The four of you must have so much to say to each other - with Mr. Sampson leaving... -Stick around. Please. Tell you what - we'll put Stanislavsky on his plane, you and I, then go somewhere and talk. Well - if I'm not in the way... -Well - if I'm not in the way... I won't be a minute. -What - again? I could watch you play that last scene a thousand times and cry every time- -I could watch you play that last scene a thousand times and cry every time- Performance number one thousand of this one - if I play it that long - will take place in a well-padded booby hatch... -I must say you can certainly tell Mr. Sampson's been gone a month. You certainly can. Especially if you're me between now and tomorrow morning... -You certainly can. Especially if you're me between now and tomorrow morning... I mean the performance. Except for you, you'd think he'd never even directed it - it's disgraceful the way they change everything around... -I mean the performance. Except for you, you'd think he'd never even directed it - it's disgraceful the way they change everything around... Well, teacher's away and actors will be actors... -Well, teacher's away and actors will be actors... During your second act scene with your father, Roger Ferraday's supposed to stay way upstage at the arch. He's been coming closer down every night... -During your second act scene with your father, Roger Ferraday's supposed to stay way upstage at the arch. He's been coming closer down every night... When he gets too close, I'll spit in his eye. -You haven't noticed my latest bit of interior decorating... Well, you've done so much... what's new? -Well, you've done so much... what's new? The curtains. I made them myself. -The curtains. I made them myself. They are lovely. Aren't they lovely, Birdie? -While you're cleaning up, I'll take this to the wardrobe mistress- Don't bother. Mrs. Brown'll be along for it in a minute. -Don't bother. Mrs. Brown'll be along for it in a minute. No trouble at all. -Well - what do you think of my elegant new suit? Very becoming. It looks better on you than it did on me. -Very becoming. It looks better on you than it did on me. I can imagine... you know, all it needed was some taking in here and letting out there - are you sure you won't want it yourself? -I can imagine... you know, all it needed was some taking in here and letting out there - are you sure you won't want it yourself? "Quite sure. I find it just a bit too - too ""Seventeenish"" for me..." -"Quite sure. I find it just a bit too - too ""Seventeenish"" for me..." Oh, come now, as though you were an old lady... I'm on my way. Is there anything more you've thought of-? -Oh, come now, as though you were an old lady... I'm on my way. Is there anything more you've thought of-? There's the script to go back to the Guild- -There's the script to go back to the Guild- I've got it. -I've got it. - and those checks or whatever it is for the income tax man. -- and those checks or whatever it is for the income tax man. Right here. -Right here. It seems I can't think of a thing you haven't thought of... -It seems I can't think of a thing you haven't thought of... That's my job. See you at tea time... -That's my job. See you at tea time... Eve... ... by any chance, did you place a call from me to Bill for midnight California time? -Eve... ... by any chance, did you place a call from me to Bill for midnight California time? Oh, golly. And I forgot to tell you- -Oh, golly. And I forgot to tell you- Yes, dear. You forgot all about it. -Yes, dear. You forgot all about it. Well, I was sure you'd want to, of course, being his birthday, and you've been so busy these past few days, and last night I meant to tell you before you went out with the Richards - and I guess I was asleep when you got home... -Well, I was sure you'd want to, of course, being his birthday, and you've been so busy these past few days, and last night I meant to tell you before you went out with the Richards - and I guess I was asleep when you got home... Yes, I guess you were. It - it was very thoughtful of you, Eve. -Yes, I guess you were. It - it was very thoughtful of you, Eve. Mr. Sampson's birthday. I certainly wouldn't forget that. You'd never forgive me. As a matter of fact, I sent him a telegram myself... -Don't get up. And please stop acting as if I were the queen mother. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- -If you'd like. I wouldn't like. -I'd like to hear it. Some snowy night in front of the fire... in the meantime, while we're on the subject, will you check about the hors d'oeuvres? The caterer forgot them, the varnish wasn't dry or something... -Some snowy night in front of the fire... in the meantime, while we're on the subject, will you check about the hors d'oeuvres? The caterer forgot them, the varnish wasn't dry or something... Of course. -The hors d'oeuvres are here. Is there anything else I can do? Thank you, Eve. I'd like a Martini - very dry. -Good evening, Mr. deWitt. I had no idea you knew each other. -Terribly sorry I'm late, lunch was long and I couldn't find a cab - where's Miss Caswell, shall we start? Oh, hello, Eve... Hello, Miss Channing. -Hello, Miss Channing. How are you making out in Mr. Fabian's office? I don't want you working the child too hard, Max - just because you promised. As you see, I kept my promise, too... -Miss Channing, I can't tell you how glad I am that you arrived so late. Really, Eve? Why? -Really, Eve? Why? Well, if you'd been here to begin with, I wouldn't have dared to read at all... -Well, if you'd been here to begin with, I wouldn't have dared to read at all... Why not? -Why not? ... and if you'd come in the middle, I'd have stopped, I couldn't have gone on- -... and if you'd come in the middle, I'd have stopped, I couldn't have gone on- What a pity, all that fire and music being turned off... -Hi. Hello, darling- "Hi. ""Well, now Mis' Channin', ah don't think you can rightly say we lost the wah, we was mo' stahved out, you might say - an' that's what ah don' unnerstand about all these plays about love-stahved Suth'n women - love is one thing we was nevah stahved for the South!""" -It's the tight girdle that does it. I find these wisecracks increasingly less funny! 'Aged in Wood' happens to be a fine and distinguished play- -Relax, kid. It's only me and my big mouth... It's just that you get me so mad sometimes... of all the women in the world with nothing to complain about- -It's just that you get me so mad sometimes... of all the women in the world with nothing to complain about- Ain't it the truth? -Ain't it the truth? Yes, it is! You're talented, famous, wealthy - people waiting around night after night just to see you, even in the wind and rain... -Yes, it is! You're talented, famous, wealthy - people waiting around night after night just to see you, even in the wind and rain... Autograph fiends! They're not people - those little beast who run in packs like coyotes- -Autograph fiends! They're not people - those little beast who run in packs like coyotes- They're your fans, your audience- -They're your fans, your audience- They're nobody's fans! They're juvenile delinquents, mental detectives, they're nobody's audience, they never see a play or a movie, even - they're never indoors long enough! -Well... there's one indoors now. I've brought her back to see you. You've what? -You've what? She's just outside the door. -She's just outside the door. The heave-ho. -Dear Birdie. Won't you sit down, Miss Worthington? Harrington. -Harrington. I'm so sorry... Harrington. Won't you sit down? -Would you like a drink? It's right beside you... I was telling Margo and Lloyd about how often you'd seen the play... -Margo, really... "Please don't play governess, Karen, I haven't your unyielding good taste, I wish I'd gone to Radcliffe too but father wouldn't hear of it - he needed help at the notions counter... I'm being rude now, aren't I? OR should I say ""ain't I""?" -Margo, nothing you've ever done has made me as happy as your taking Eve in... I'm so happy you're happy. -That little place just two hours form New York. It's on my list of things-I'll-never-understand. Like collecting shrunken Indian heads... Of all people you should know what it means to want some peace and quiet- -Of all people you should know what it means to want some peace and quiet- Peace and quit is for libraries. -How much time have we? Roughly ten minutes. -Roughly ten minutes. How far to the station? -How far to the station? Three or four miles... -Three or four miles... Any houses or farms around where we can borrow gas? -Any houses or farms around where we can borrow gas? None in sight, there aren't many along this back road... -None in sight, there aren't many along this back road... Not many car either, not much chance of a lift... -He always looks so pathetic whenever he does anything physical- It seems to me that walking, for most people, is not very dangerous. -It seems to me that walking, for most people, is not very dangerous. I just never think of Lloyd as anywhere but indoors and anything but sitting down. -I just never think of Lloyd as anywhere but indoors and anything but sitting down. Be brave. He'll come back - with or without gas. -Do you want it on? It doesn't matter. -It doesn't matter. I detest cheap sentiment. -Karen. I haven't been pleasant this weekend. We've all seemed a little tense lately... -We've all seemed a little tense lately... Come to think of it, I haven't been very pleasant for weeks. For that, I'm truly sorry. More than any two people I know, I don't want you and Lloyd to be angry with me... -Come to think of it, I haven't been very pleasant for weeks. For that, I'm truly sorry. More than any two people I know, I don't want you and Lloyd to be angry with me... We're never deeply angry, we just get sore. The way you do. We know you too well... -We're never deeply angry, we just get sore. The way you do. We know you too well... So many people - know me. I wish I did. I wish someone would tell be about me... -So many people - know me. I wish I did. I wish someone would tell be about me... You're Margo. Just - Margo. -You're Margo. Just - Margo. And what is that? Besides something spelled out in light bulbs, I mean. Besides something called temperament, which consists mostly of swooping about on a broomstick creaming at the top of my voice... infants behave the way I do, you know. They carry on and misbehave - they'd get drunk if they knew how - when they can't have what they want. When they feel unwanted and insecure - or unloved. -What about Bill? What about Bill? -What about Bill? He's in love with you. -He's in love with you. More than anything in this world, I love Bill. And I want Bill. I want him to want me. But me. Not Margo Channing. And if I can't tell they apart - how can he? -More than anything in this world, I love Bill. And I want Bill. I want him to want me. But me. Not Margo Channing. And if I can't tell they apart - how can he? Why should he - and why should you? -Why should he - and why should you? Bill's in love with Margo Channing. He's fought with her, worked with her, loved her... but ten years from now - Margo Channing will have ceased to exist. And what's left will be... what? -Bill's in love with Margo Channing. He's fought with her, worked with her, loved her... but ten years from now - Margo Channing will have ceased to exist. And what's left will be... what? Margo. Bill is all of eight years younger than you. -Margo. Bill is all of eight years younger than you. Those years stretch as the years go on. I've seen it happen too often. -Those years stretch as the years go on. I've seen it happen too often. Not to you. Not to Bill. -Not to you. Not to Bill. Isn't that what they always say? -I don't suppose the heater runs when the motor doesn't? Silly, isn't it? You'd think they'd fix it so people could just sit in a car and keep warm... -About Eve. I've acted pretty disgracefully toward her, too. Well... -Well... Let's not fumble for excuses, not here and now with my hair down. At best, let's say I've been oversensitive to... well, to the fact that she's so young - so feminine and helpless. To so many things I want to be for Bill... funny business, a woman's career. The things you drop on your way up the ladder, so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you go back to being a woman. That's one career all females have in common - whether we like it or not - being a woman. Sooner or later we've all got to work at it, no matter what other careers we've had or wanted... and, in the last analysis, nothing is any good unless you can look up just before dinner or turns around in bed - and there he is. Without that, you're not woman. You're something with a French provincial office or a book full of clippings - but you're not a woman... ... slow curtain. The end. -Margo. Margo, I want you to know how sorry I am about this... About what? -About what? This. I can't tell you how sorry I am! -This. I can't tell you how sorry I am! Don't give it another thought, one of destiny's many pranks. After all, you didn't personally drain the gasoline out of the tank... -"""... my hat which has, lo, these many seasons become more firmly rooted about my ears, is lifted to Miss Harrington. I am once more available for dancing in the streets and shouting from the housetops."" ... I thought that one went out with Woollcott... Down here... here, listen to this- ""... Miss Harrington had much to tell - and these columns shall report her faithfully - about the lamentable practice in our Theater of permitting, shall we say - mature - actresses to continue playing roles requiring a youth and vigor of which they retain but a dim memory-""" I just can't believe it. -I just can't believe it. "It get better! ""- About the understandable reluctance on the part of our entrenched First Ladies of the Stage to encourage, shall we say - younger - actresses; about Miss Harrington's own long and unsupported struggle for opportunity-""" -"It get better! ""- About the understandable reluctance on the part of our entrenched First Ladies of the Stage to encourage, shall we say - younger - actresses; about Miss Harrington's own long and unsupported struggle for opportunity-""" I can't believe Eve said those things! -In this rat race, everybody's guilty till they're proved innocent! One of the differences between the Theater and civilization... ... what gets me is how all of those papers in town happened to catch that particular performance! Lloyd says it's a publicity release... -Lloyd says it's a publicity release... The little witch must have had Indians runners out snatching critics out of bars, steam rooms and museums or wherever they hole up... well, she won't get away with it! Nor will Addison deWitt and his poison pen! If Equity or my lawyer can't or won't do anything about it, I will personally stuff that pathetic little lost lamb down Mr. deWitt's ugly throat... -Karen, in all the years of our friendship, I have never let you go to the Ladies' Room alone. But now I must. I am busting to know what goes on in that feverish little brain waiting there... Well... all right. -With tears? With tears. -With tears. But not right away? First the business of fighting them off, chin up, stout fella... -But not right away? First the business of fighting them off, chin up, stout fella... Check. -Check. Very classy stuff, lots of technique- -I remember. You'll be there, won't you. -How was the concert? Loud. -- 'at's my loyal little woman. The critics thought so, the audiences certainly think so - packed houses, tickets for months in advance - I can't see that either of Lloyd's last two plays have hurt you any! -The critics thought so, the audiences certainly think so - packed houses, tickets for months in advance - I can't see that either of Lloyd's last two plays have hurt you any! Easy, now... -You can't put her out, I promised... Margo, you've got to see her, she worships you, it's like something out of a book- That book is out of print, Karen, those days are gone. Fans no longer pull the carriage through the streets - they tear off clothes and steal wrist watches... -That book is out of print, Karen, those days are gone. Fans no longer pull the carriage through the streets - they tear off clothes and steal wrist watches... If you'd only see her, you're her whole life - you must have spotted her by now, she's always there... -Now let's not get into a big hassle- It's about time we did! It's about time Margo realized that what's attractive on stage need not necessarily be attractive off. -Coming? In a minute... -Lloyd, what happened...? Up to here! That's where I've got it - up to here! Of all the star ridden, presumptuous, hysterical- -Up to here! That's where I've got it - up to here! Of all the star ridden, presumptuous, hysterical- Margo, again... -Margo, again... And again and again! Two hours late for the audition, to begin with- -And again and again! Two hours late for the audition, to begin with- That's on time for Margo. -That's on time for Margo. Then a childish, heavy-handed routine about not knowing Eve was her understudy- -Then a childish, heavy-handed routine about not knowing Eve was her understudy- It's just possible she didn't... -It's just possible she didn't... Of course she knew! For one thing, Addison told her how superbly Eve had read the part-! Karen, let me tell you about Eve. She's got everything - a born actress. Sensitive, understanding, young, exciting, vibrant- -Of course she knew! For one thing, Addison told her how superbly Eve had read the part-! Karen, let me tell you about Eve. She's got everything - a born actress. Sensitive, understanding, young, exciting, vibrant- - don't run out of adjectives, dear. -- don't run out of adjectives, dear. - everything a playwright first thinks of wanting to write about... until his play becomes a vehicle for Miss Channing... -- everything a playwright first thinks of wanting to write about... until his play becomes a vehicle for Miss Channing... Margo hasn't done badly by it. -Margo hasn't done badly by it. Margo. Margo's great. She knows it. That's the trouble. She can play Peck's Bad Boy all she wants, and who's to stop her? Who's to give her that boot in the rear she needs and deserves? -It's going to be a cozy weekend. What is? -What is? We're driving out to the country tomorrow night. Just the four of us. Bill, Margo, you and I... -We're driving out to the country tomorrow night. Just the four of us. Bill, Margo, you and I... Well. We've spent weekends before with nobody talking... ... just be sure to lock up all blunt instruments and throwable objects... -What time is it? When you asked a minute ago it was five-forty-two. It is now five forty-three. When you ask a minute from no, it will be- -When you asked a minute ago it was five-forty-two. It is now five forty-three. When you ask a minute from no, it will be- I just don't want Margo to miss her train. As it is, she'll barely make the theater... -I just don't want Margo to miss her train. As it is, she'll barely make the theater... Five-fifty-five. We'll be at the station in plenty of time... -Lloyd, be careful... Just a little skid, that's all. This road's like glass. -But it can't be! We can't be out of gas! I filled it myself yesterday! Wasn't it full when you drove to Brewster this morning? I guess I didn't look. You know I don't pay attention to those things... -I guess I didn't look. You know I don't pay attention to those things... Incredible. -You'll break your neck on that ice. What a way to die - trying to get an actress to the theater in time. Tell Max I want to be buried with royalties... -What a way to die - trying to get an actress to the theater in time. Tell Max I want to be buried with royalties... Don't joke about such things. -- it's Addison, from start to finish, it drips with his brand of venom... taking advantage of a kid like that, twisting her words, making her say what he wanted her to say- Where'd you get all that information? -Where'd you get all that information? Eve. -Eve. Eve? -Eve? She's been to see me, as a matter of fact she left just before you came in - you just missed her... -She's been to see me, as a matter of fact she left just before you came in - you just missed her... That was a pity... -That was a pity... She wanted to explain about her interview, wanted to apologize to someone - and didn't dare face Margo... -She wanted to explain about her interview, wanted to apologize to someone - and didn't dare face Margo... I wonder why. -You know, I've been going over our financial condition - if you'll pardon the expression... That's quite a change of subject. -That's quite a change of subject. What with taxes coming up - and since I'm a playwright and not an oil well operator - well, I've been thinking... -What with taxes coming up - and since I'm a playwright and not an oil well operator - well, I've been thinking... I'm trying hard to follow you. -I'm trying hard to follow you. If - instead of waiting until next season to do 'Footsteps on the Ceiling', which is in pretty good shape - and if Margo can be talked into going on tour with 'Aged in Wood' - we could put 'Footsteps...' into production right away... -If - instead of waiting until next season to do 'Footsteps on the Ceiling', which is in pretty good shape - and if Margo can be talked into going on tour with 'Aged in Wood' - we could put 'Footsteps...' into production right away... I'm beginning to catch up. -I'm beginning to catch up. If we could cast it properly, that is... -If we could cast it properly, that is... Maybe get some younger actress for the part? Someone who'd look the part as well as play it? -Maybe get some younger actress for the part? Someone who'd look the part as well as play it? You've got to admit it would be a novelty. -You've got to admit it would be a novelty. Now you're quoting Addison. Or Eve. -"Eve did mention the play, you know. But just in passing - she's never ask to play a part like ""Cora,"" she'd never have the nerve..." Eve would ask Abbott to give her Costello. -Eve would ask Abbott to give her Costello. No, I got the idea myself - while she was talking to me... -No, I got the idea myself - while she was talking to me... With gestures, of course. -With gestures, of course. For once, to write something and have it realized completely. For once, not to compromise- -"Lloyd Richards, you are not to consider giving that contemptible little worm the part of ""Cora.""" Now just a minute- -Now just a minute- Margo Channing has not been exactly a compromise all these years, half the playwrights in the world would give their shirts for that particular compromise! -Margo Channing has not been exactly a compromise all these years, half the playwrights in the world would give their shirts for that particular compromise! Now just a minute! -Now just a minute! It strikes me that Eve's disloyalty and ingratitude must be contagious! -All this fuss and hysteria because an impulsive kid got carried away by excitement and the conniving of a professional manure slinger named deWitt! She apologized, didn't she? On her knees, I have no doubt! Very touching, very Academy-of-Dramatic Arts! -On her knees, I have no doubt! Very touching, very Academy-of-Dramatic Arts! That bitter cynicism of yours is something you've acquired since you left Radcliffe! -That bitter cynicism of yours is something you've acquired since you left Radcliffe! The cynicism you refer to, I acquired the day I discovered I was different from little boys! -Margo - and Bill - want us to meet them at the Cub Room tonight, after theater. For a bottle of wine. Margo in the Cub Room. I couldn't be more surprised if she'd said Grant's Tomb. -Margo in the Cub Room. I couldn't be more surprised if she'd said Grant's Tomb. I'm glad Bill's back. -I'm glad Bill's back. They'd die without each other. -Darling, I didn't promise Eve anything. Just said I thought she'd be fine for the part, but there were some practical difficulties... Such as? -Such as? You - for one. I told her you were set on Margo playing the part - and I certainly wouldn't make a change without your approval. -Well of all- Margo! -Three days, that's for the bourgeois - I see a midnight elopement, waking up a village person... What are you going to wear? -After all, maybe she just wants to apologize... I have no possible interest in anything she'd have to say. -- well? What happened? Nothing much. She apologized. -You mean - all this time - she'd done nothing but apologize? What'd you say? Not much. -What's so funny? Nothing... -Who is it? What's it all about? Did Miss Harrington tell you to call Mr. Richards? -I didn't think you would! It seems to me, Karen, that for some tine, now, you've been developing a deep unconcern for the feeling of human being in general- I'm a human being, I've got some! -I'm a human being, I've got some! - and for my feelings in particular! For my play, my career - and now for a frightened, hysterical girl on the eve of her first night in the Theater! -Have you forgotten about Eve? What she is, what she's done? Old wives' tales, born of envy and jealousy! And a phobia against truth! -Old wives' tales, born of envy and jealousy! And a phobia against truth! Then tell me this isn't true! That your concern for your play and career is one thing - and that poor frightened hysterical girl another - and that your concern for her has nothing to do with either your play or your career! -Honey chili had a point. You know, I can remember plays about women - even from the South - where it never even occurred to them whether they wanted to marry their fathers more than their brothers... That was way back... -That was way back... Within your time, buster. Lloyd, honey, be a playwright with guts. Write me one about a nice, normal woman who shoots her husband. -Would you, really? How sweet- I doubt very much that you'd like her in 'The Hairy Ape'. -How about calling it a night? And you pose as a playwright. A situation pregnant with possibilities - and all you can think of is everybody to go to sleep... -I like that girl. That quality of quiet graciousness... ... Among so many quiet qualities. -The general atmosphere is very Macbethish. What has or is about to happen? What is he talking about? -There you are, both of you. Max, Karen has decided it's time to go. Where is she? -Where is she? Up in the room. -Who's left out there? Too many. And you've got a new guest. A movie star from Hollywood. -Too many. And you've got a new guest. A movie star from Hollywood. Shucks. And my autograph book is at the cleaners. -You disapprove of me when I'm like this, don't you? Not exactly. Sometimes, though, I wish I understood you better. -Not exactly. Sometimes, though, I wish I understood you better. When you do, let me in on it. -When you do, let me in on it. I will. -How's the new one coming? The play? All right, I guess... -The play? All right, I guess... """Cora."" She's - still a girl of twenty?" -"""Cora."" She's - still a girl of twenty?" Twentyish. It isn't important. -Twentyish. It isn't important. Don't you think it's about time it became important? -Don't you think it's about time it became important? How do you mean? -How do you mean? Don't be evasive. -Don't be evasive. Margo, you haven't got any age. -Margo, you haven't got any age. Miss Channing is ageless. Spoken like a press agent. -Miss Channing is ageless. Spoken like a press agent. I know what I'm talking about, after all they're my plays... -I know what I'm talking about, after all they're my plays... Spoken like an author. Lloyd, I'm not twentyish. I am not thirtyish. Three months ago, I was forty years old. Forty. Four oh. That slipped out, I hadn't quite made up my mind to admit it. Now I feel as if I'd suddenly taken all my clothes off... -Spoken like an author. Lloyd, I'm not twentyish. I am not thirtyish. Three months ago, I was forty years old. Forty. Four oh. That slipped out, I hadn't quite made up my mind to admit it. Now I feel as if I'd suddenly taken all my clothes off... Week after week, to thousands of people, you're as young as you want... -Week after week, to thousands of people, you're as young as you want... ... as young as they want, you mean. And I'm not interested in whether thousands of people think I'm six or six hundred- -... as young as they want, you mean. And I'm not interested in whether thousands of people think I'm six or six hundred- "Just one person. Isn't that so? You know what this is all about, don't you? It has very little to do with whether you should play ""Cora"" - it has everything to do with the fact that you've had another fight with Bill." -She's your understudy. Eve? Eve, my understudy? But I had no idea... -Eve? Eve, my understudy? But I had no idea... I thought you knew... She was put on over a week ago- -I thought you knew... She was put on over a week ago- It seems almost inconceivable that I haven't seen her backstage, but with so many people loitering around... well, well. So Eve is not working for Max after all- - Max you sly puss. -I'm sure you underestimate yourself, Eve. You always do. You were about to tell me about Eve... You'd have been proud of her. -You'd have been proud of her. I'm sure. -I'm sure. She was a revelation... -She was a revelation... To you, too? -To you, too? What do you mean? -What do you mean? I mean, among other things, that it must have been a revelation to have your twenty-four-year-old character played by twenty-four-year-old actress... -I mean, among other things, that it must have been a revelation to have your twenty-four-year-old character played by twenty-four-year-old actress... That's beside the point. -That's beside the point. It's right to the point. Also that it must have sounded so new and fresh to you - so exciting to have the lines read as you wrote them! -You've been talking to that venomous fishwife, Addison deWitt- - in this case, apparently, as trustworthy as the World Almanac! -- in this case, apparently, as trustworthy as the World Almanac! You knew when you came in that the audition was over, that Eve was your understudy! Playing that childish game of cat and mouse... -You knew when you came in that the audition was over, that Eve was your understudy! Playing that childish game of cat and mouse... Not mouse, never mouse! If anything - rat! -Not mouse, never mouse! If anything - rat! You have a genius for making barroom brawl out of a perfectly innocent misunderstanding at most! -You have a genius for making barroom brawl out of a perfectly innocent misunderstanding at most! Perfectly innocent! Man have been hanged for less! I'm lied to, attacked behind my back, accused of reading your silly dialogue inaccurately - as if it were Holy Gospel! -Perfectly innocent! Man have been hanged for less! I'm lied to, attacked behind my back, accused of reading your silly dialogue inaccurately - as if it were Holy Gospel! I never said it was! -I never said it was! Then you listened as if someone else had written you play - whom did you have in mind? Sherwood? Arthur Miller? Beaumont and Fletcher? -I shall never understand the weird process by which a body with a voice suddenly fancies itself a mind! Just when exactly does an actress decide they're her words she's saying and her thoughts she's expressing? Usually at the point when she's got to rewrite and rethink them to keep the audience from leaving the theater! -Usually at the point when she's got to rewrite and rethink them to keep the audience from leaving the theater! It's about time the piano realized it has not written the concerto! -Karen and I just don't want an accident- I have no intention of having an accident! -I have no intention of having an accident! It's not important whether you do. We are wearing long underwear. -How fortunate that I have an understudy so ready, so willing and so able to go on. The audience will want its money refunded, believe me. -The audience will want its money refunded, believe me. Thank you, Lloyd. Godspeed. -It's been quite a night. I understand that your understudy - Miss Harrington - has given her notice. Too bad. -Yes, sir. City Hall, that's for prize fighters, and reporters - I see a cathedral, a bishop, banks of flowers... -Very discreet. A note right out in the open like that. Next time tell your lover to blow smoke rings - or tap a glass... Lloyd, I want you to be big about this... the world is full of love tonight, no woman is safe... -... and Bill. Especially Bill. Eve did that, too. You know, she probably means well, after all... -You know, she probably means well, after all... She is a louse. -That depends. I mean really, deeply angry... -I mean really, deeply angry... I don't think I could be. -I don't think I could be. "Well. I don't want to play ""Cora.""" -Now wait a minute, you're always so touchy about his plays, it isn't the part - it's a great part. And a fine play. But not for me anymore - not a foursquare, upright, downright, forthright married lady. What's your being married got to do with it? -What's your being married got to do with it? It means I've finally got a life to live! I don't have to play parts I'm too old for - just because I've got nothing to do with my nights! I know you've made plans. I'll make it up to you, believe me. I'll tour a year with this one, anything - only you do understand - don't you, Lloyd? -Hello.. We are ready with your call to Beverly Hills... -We are ready with your call to Beverly Hills... Call, what call? -Call, what call? It this Templeton 89970? Miss Margo Channing? -It this Templeton 89970? Miss Margo Channing? That's right, but I don't understand- -That's right, but I don't understand- We are ready with the call you placed for 12 midnight, California time, to Mr. William Sampson in Beverly Hills... -We are ready with the call you placed for 12 midnight, California time, to Mr. William Sampson in Beverly Hills... I placed...? -I placed...? Go ahead, please... -"""Liebestraum.""" I just played it. -I just played it. Play it again. -Play it again. But that was the fourth straight time. -But that was the fourth straight time. Then this will be five. I suppose you think I'm too drunk to count. -Then this will be five. I suppose you think I'm too drunk to count. "No. You're just crazy about ""Liebestraum.""" -"No. You're just crazy about ""Liebestraum.""" """Liebestraum.""" -"""Liebestraum.""" Look, Miss Channing... it's kind of depressing. If you don't mind my saying so, everybody's kind of dying on the vine... -Look, Miss Channing... it's kind of depressing. If you don't mind my saying so, everybody's kind of dying on the vine... "My dear Horowitz. In the first place, I'm paying you union scale. Second, it's my piano. Third, if everybody doesn't like kind of dying on the vine, they can get off the vine and go home. ""Liebestraum.""" -Make it Bergdorf Goodman... and now everything is on its proper shelf, eh, Max? Done up in little ribbons. I could die right now and nobody'd be confused. How about you, Max? How about me what? -Supposed you dropped dead. What about your inventory? I ain't gonna die. Not with a hit. -Margo. You by any chance got bicarbonate of soda in the house? Poor Max. Heartburn? It's that Miss Caswell. I don't know why she doesn't give Addison heartburn. -Let the rest of the world beat their brains out for a buck. It's friends that count. And I got friends. I love you, Max. I really mean it. I love you. Come to the pantry. -Here you are, Maxie dear. One good burp and you'll be rid of that Miss Caswell... The situation I'm in ain't the kind you can belch your way out. I made a promise... -The situation I'm in ain't the kind you can belch your way out. I made a promise... Miss Caswell? What? -Miss Caswell? What? An audition for the part we're replacing. What's-her-name, your sister... -Well, if she can act, she might not be bad. She looks like she might burn down a plantation... I feel right now like there's one burning in me. -I feel right now like there's one burning in me. When's the audition? -When's the audition? A couple of weeks. -A couple of weeks. I tell you what. Why don't I read with her? -I tell you what. Why don't I read with her? Would you? -Would you? Anything to help you out, Max. -Anything to help you out, Max. This is real cooperation. I appreciate it. -This is real cooperation. I appreciate it. Not at all. And you could do me a big favor, if you would- -Not at all. And you could do me a big favor, if you would- All you got to do is name it. -All you got to do is name it. Give Eve Harrington job in you office. -You get quick action, don't you? Margo, I wouldn't think of taking that girl away from you... -Margo, I wouldn't think of taking that girl away from you... You said yourself my inventory was in good shape - all of my merchandise put away. To keep her here with nothing to do - I'd be standing in her way... and you need her, Max. -You said yourself my inventory was in good shape - all of my merchandise put away. To keep her here with nothing to do - I'd be standing in her way... and you need her, Max. But what could she do? -But what could she do? She'd be a great help - read scripts, interview people you have to see, get rid of the ones you don't have to... you'd be a man of leisure- -She'd be a great help - read scripts, interview people you have to see, get rid of the ones you don't have to... you'd be a man of leisure- Well... -Well... Think of your health, Max - more time to relax out in the fresh air at a race track... -Think of your health, Max - more time to relax out in the fresh air at a race track... I don't know if this would be a wise move... -I don't know if this would be a wise move... Promise. -Promise. I promise. -I promise. That's my Max. -This is for lawyers to talk about, this concerns a run-of-the-play contract, and this you can't rewrite or ad lib! Are you threatening me with legal action, Mr. Fabian? -Are you threatening me with legal action, Mr. Fabian? Are you breaking the contract? -Are you breaking the contract? Answer my question! -Answer my question! Who am I to threaten? I'm a dying man. -Who am I to threaten? I'm a dying man. I didn't hear you. -I didn't hear you. I said I'm a dying man! -I said I'm a dying man! Not until the last drugstore has sold its last pill! -What the hell were you doing rewriting my story-- --I sure couldn't hurt it, could I?-- ---I sure couldn't hurt it, could I?-- --it was fine the way it was-- ---it was fine the way it was-- --it was bullshit the way it was-- ---it was bullshit the way it was-- --I have to stand here and listen to the staff correspondent from Virginia?-- ---I have to stand here and listen to the staff correspondent from Virginia?-- --what have you been here, nine months?--I been in this business since I was sixteen-- ---what have you been here, nine months?--I been in this business since I was sixteen-- --and you've had some fucking meteoric rise, that's for sure--by the time you turn forty you might be the head of the Montana bureau-- ---and you've had some fucking meteoric rise, that's for sure--by the time you turn forty you might be the head of the Montana bureau-- --you only got the job because both you and Bradlee went to Yale-- ---you only got the job because both you and Bradlee went to Yale-- --Bradlee went to Harvard-- ---Bradlee went to Harvard-- --they're all the same, all those Ivy League places--they teach you about striped ties and suddenly you're smart-- ---they're all the same, all those Ivy League places--they teach you about striped ties and suddenly you're smart-- --I'm smart enough to know my story was solid-- ---I'm smart enough to know my story was solid-- --mine's better-- ---mine's better-- --no way-- ---no way-- --read 'em both and you'll see-- -What is it about my writing that's so rotten? Mainly it has to do with your choice of words. -Carl? Yeah? -Yeah? Fuck you, Carl. -You heard? They put us both on the break-in thing. Simons liked the way we worked together. Listen, I'm sorry I said your story was bullshit. It's OK; I'm sorry I called you a failure. -It's OK; I'm sorry I called you a failure. Forget it, the main thing-- --did you call me a failure? -Forget it, the main thing-- --did you call me a failure? I was sure trying. -All right, what do we know? Let me lay a little theory on you-- -Let me lay a little theory on you-- --I'm not interested in theory. What do we know? For example, Hunt's disappeared. ---I'm not interested in theory. What do we know? For example, Hunt's disappeared. Well, Barker tried to get blueprints of the Miami Convention Center and the air-conditioning system. -Well, Barker tried to get blueprints of the Miami Convention Center and the air-conditioning system. And McCord was carrying an application for college press credentials for the Democratic convention. The Times has got to be full of it-- it can't be crazy Cubans. -And McCord was carrying an application for college press credentials for the Democratic convention. The Times has got to be full of it-- it can't be crazy Cubans. What, though? It can't be the Republicans--he'd never allow something as stupid as this, not when he's gonna slaughter McGovern anyway. -What, though? It can't be the Republicans--he'd never allow something as stupid as this, not when he's gonna slaughter McGovern anyway. Right. Nixon didn't get where he got by being dumb-- --listen, that was a Watergate question-- -Hey? Hmm. -Hmm. What do you think he meant, this particular incident? Were there others? How would we find out? You know anyone important? -What do you think he meant, this particular incident? Were there others? How would we find out? You know anyone important? I lived here all my life, I got a million contacts, but they're all bus boys and bellhops. ---what do you think?-- --Hunt doesn't seem like your ordinary consultant. ---Hunt doesn't seem like your ordinary consultant. Maybe a political operative of some sort-- -Maybe a political operative of some sort-- --a spy, you mean? ---a spy, you mean? It makes sense; Hunt worked for the C.I.A. and the White House was paranoid about Teddy Kennedy. -You think they are confidential? I don't know anything about how this town works, I haven't lived here a year yet. We need a sympathetic face. -July of '71. About the past year. -That was fun. What now? I met a Presidential aide once at a social occasion. -I met a Presidential aide once at a social occasion. And you haven't called him?-- -What's that? The fucking New York Times. -Goddamnit-- --see?-- ---see?-- --I'm trying-- ---I'm trying-- --fifteen phone calls-- ---fifteen phone calls-- ---fifteen or more phone calls from the burglars in Miami to Gordon Liddy at CREEP-- ----fifteen or more phone calls from the burglars in Miami to Gordon Liddy at CREEP-- Why didn't we get that? -Why didn't we get that? Christ, and I even know somebody at the phone company-- -Christ, and I even know somebody at the phone company-- --you do?--with access to records? -See her? Get anything? For the paper, no; for us, plenty. I waited a long time and finally this big guy--I guess a bodyguard-- he left and I knocked and she remembered me, we talked awhile. -For the paper, no; for us, plenty. I waited a long time and finally this big guy--I guess a bodyguard-- he left and I knocked and she remembered me, we talked awhile. And?--And?-- -And?--And?-- --she was panicked, Carl--every time I mentioned Watergate, you could tell. ---she was panicked, Carl--every time I mentioned Watergate, you could tell. Were you eyebrow reading? -Were you eyebrow reading? It was there. I just don't get it; a CREEP secretary being scared, that's one thing. But what does the wife of one of the most powerful men in America have to be afraid of...? -Who's first? Alphabetically, on the CREEP phone list, Miss Helen Abbott of South George Street. -I don't get it... this really was my turf... You're not a kid anymore. -You're not a kid anymore. "My first day as a copy boy I was sixteen and wearing my only grown-up suit--it was cream colored. At 2:30 the head copy boy comes running up to me and says, ""My God, haven't you washed the carbon paper yet? If it's not washed by three, it'll never by dry for tomorrow."" And I said, ""Am I supposed to do that?"" and he said, ""Absolutely, it's crucial."" So I run around and grab all the carbon paper from all the desks and take it to the men's room. I'm standing there washing it and it's splashing all over me and the editor comes in to take a leak, and he says, ""What the fuck do you think you're doing?"" And I said, ""It's 2:30. I'm washing the carbon paper."" Just wanted you to know I've done dumber things than get us lost, that's all." -This is terrific work, if you like rejection. I never scared anyone before. -I never scared anyone before. It's not us, they were scared before we got there. What do we know? -It's not us, they were scared before we got there. What do we know? Facts or theory? -Facts or theory? Anything you've got. -Anything you've got. We know there's got to be something or they wouldn't be so panicked. -We know there's got to be something or they wouldn't be so panicked. And that something's got to be more than just Hunt, Liddy, and the five burglars--those indictments are gonna be bullshit when they come down. What else do we know? -And that something's got to be more than just Hunt, Liddy, and the five burglars--those indictments are gonna be bullshit when they come down. What else do we know? I just wish we knew when someone would talk to us, that's all. -We never reveal our sources, which is why you can talk to us. It's safe, try it, you'll see. -We understand your problem-- --you believe in the President, you wouldn't ever want to do anything disloyal. ---you believe in the President, you wouldn't ever want to do anything disloyal. We appreciate your position--really. -I hate both parties. And I'm a Republican. -Republican? Sure. -Sure. Who'd you vote for? -Who'd you vote for? When? -When? '68. -'68. Nixon. -Did he just say what I think he said? You voted for him. -I couldn't believe what she told me. Eight cups of coffee worth. Go on, go on-- -Go on, go on-- --we've got to find out who the five guys are--the five with access to the slush fund--they were aware of the break-in. ---we've got to find out who the five guys are--the five with access to the slush fund--they were aware of the break-in. Then tomorrow's grand jury indictments will just be bullshit. -Then tomorrow's grand jury indictments will just be bullshit. It goes very high--we've got to find out where-- -It goes very high--we've got to find out where-- --we will-- ---we will-- --she was really paranoid, the bookkeeper. ---she was really paranoid, the bookkeeper. That happens to people. OK, go on. -How do you want to handle Sloan? You mean, who's going to play the mean M.P. and who's going to be the nice one? Whichever. -You mean, who's going to play the mean M.P. and who's going to be the nice one? Whichever. He's another Ivy Leaguer so he'll probably expect you to be understanding--might surprise him if you're not. -He's another Ivy Leaguer so he'll probably expect you to be understanding--might surprise him if you're not. You want me to be the bastard. -You want me to be the bastard. And I'll just shitkick in my usual way. -Think Sloan's back? What's wrong? Nothing--I just found out that Jeb Magruder from CREEP is a bigger bike freak than I am. I never like it when the other guy's human... ---there had to be a White House overseer-- --Colson. -Look--five men controlled that slush fund as CREEP--three of them we've got, Mitchell, Stans, Magruder, and we're pretty sure of Kalmbach. We'd like to wait til we have all five before we print it. ---The L.A. Times has a huge interview with Baldwin-- --the lookout in the Motor Inn?-- --he say anything we don't know?-- ---the lookout in the Motor Inn?-- --he say anything we don't know?-- --just that a lot of reports were sent to CREEP, but he doesn't name who, not here anyway-- -Goddamnit-- --shit-- ---shit-- --we gotta top the Times-- ---we gotta top the Times-- --I know, I know-- ---I know, I know-- --if we could name the guys got the reports, we'd be ahead again-- ---if we could name the guys got the reports, we'd be ahead again-- --shit, who do we know?-- ---shit, who do we know?-- --I know a lawyer at Justice-- ---I know a lawyer at Justice-- --has he got an ax?-- ---has he got an ax?-- --almost every source we've used has been Republican, this guy's a card- carrying Democrat. ---almost every source we've used has been Republican, this guy's a card- carrying Democrat. Then he's got an ax. Call him anyway. ---I want you to shut up and listen to me-- --I haven't said anything-- ---I haven't said anything-- --for the first time I'm beginning to feel like a fucking reporter-- Woodward, I got a tip. A guy called me up with a tip-- --someone named Donald Segretti contacted a bunch of lawyers and asked them if they'd like to go to work with him screwing up the Democrats, dirty tricks, shit like that. The FBI knows about Segretti-- Howard Hunt made a bunch of phone calls to him--they interrogated him, but on account of Segretti wasn't involved with the break-in, they didn't follow through. But Segretti did a lot of traveling--he called these lawyers from different places, and he told them the Republicans knew what he was doing. ---for the first time I'm beginning to feel like a fucking reporter-- Woodward, I got a tip. A guy called me up with a tip-- --someone named Donald Segretti contacted a bunch of lawyers and asked them if they'd like to go to work with him screwing up the Democrats, dirty tricks, shit like that. The FBI knows about Segretti-- Howard Hunt made a bunch of phone calls to him--they interrogated him, but on account of Segretti wasn't involved with the break-in, they didn't follow through. But Segretti did a lot of traveling--he called these lawyers from different places, and he told them the Republicans knew what he was doing. How high up, which Republicans? -How high up, which Republicans? That's what we've got to find out, but Segretti went to Southern Cal. and so did a bunch of Nixon men-- -That's what we've got to find out, but Segretti went to Southern Cal. and so did a bunch of Nixon men-- --Haldeman I know, who else? ---Haldeman I know, who else? Dwight Chapin, Nixon's appointments chief--he knew Segretti in school. Maybe I'm crazy, but this is the first time any of this starts to make sense. What were the three theories? -Dwight Chapin, Nixon's appointments chief--he knew Segretti in school. Maybe I'm crazy, but this is the first time any of this starts to make sense. What were the three theories? The burglary was done by Cubans or Democrats or Republicans. -The burglary was done by Cubans or Democrats or Republicans. Now the reason no one believed the Republicans is because there wasn't any reason, they were so far ahead. But Segretti was talking to these other lawyers a year before the break- in. -Now the reason no one believed the Republicans is because there wasn't any reason, they were so far ahead. But Segretti was talking to these other lawyers a year before the break- in. So maybe Watergate wasn't really about Watergate--maybe that was just a piece-- -So maybe Watergate wasn't really about Watergate--maybe that was just a piece-- --because a year before, the Republicans weren't ahead, not in the polls, Muskie was running ahead of Nixon then. Before he self- destructed. ---because a year before, the Republicans weren't ahead, not in the polls, Muskie was running ahead of Nixon then. Before he self- destructed. If he self-destructed. -Segretti criss-crossed the country over ten times in six months--and never stayed anyplace over a night or two. Switch to another station, huh? You're driving me crazy with that. "Segovia begged me for me secret but I said, ""No, Andres, you'll have to try and make it without me.""" -California, Illinois, Florida, New Hampshire--all the major Democratic primary states. Why does everything you play sound the same? --'cause I only know four chords-- -What would you have done? You asking would I have been one of the President's men? I would have been. -You think we're being set up?--Christ, Deep Throat tells you last night that the letter came from inside the White House and up traipses Marilyn naming names. It makes a crazy kind of sense-- remember that initiation rite they have at the White House? Each new member of the President's staff has to prove his guts by getting an enemy of Nixon. -It makes a crazy kind of sense-- remember that initiation rite they have at the White House? Each new member of the President's staff has to prove his guts by getting an enemy of Nixon. You think this was Clawsen's initiation? -You think this was Clawsen's initiation? Could have won him a fraternity paddle with a White House seal. God knows it worked. -He'll give us a sworn statement. We're inside the White House now. ---That cash fund that financed the sabotaging of the Democrats--five guys had control-- --Mitchell, Stans, Magruder, Kalmbach-- ---Mitchell, Stans, Magruder, Kalmbach-- --we're working on the last guy now and we're going all the way--that fifth man was Haldeman. -I think that's him. Who? -Who? Haldeman. -Nah. Maybe. What if I went up and introduced myself--think he'd slug me? -What if I went up and introduced myself--think he'd slug me? Well, we are trying to ruin his life. -Well, we are trying to ruin his life. It's nothing personal, though. -It's nothing personal, though. What's the matter? -What's the matter? Same as Magruder, I don't like it when they turn out to be human. -Same as Magruder, I don't like it when they turn out to be human. I wish we were investigating Attila the Hun. -I wish we were investigating Attila the Hun. Maybe we are... ---Jesus-- --he said John Haldeman, not Bob Haldeman-- ---Sloan told the Grand Jury--he answered everything they asked him-- that means there's a record somewhere-- --and the FBI confirms--what more do you need?-- -How many fucking sources they think we got?-- --Deep Throat won't confirm--I never thought he was scared of anyone, but he's scared of Haldeman. ---Deep Throat won't confirm--I never thought he was scared of anyone, but he's scared of Haldeman. I know a guy in the Justice Department who was around the Grand Jury. -I know a guy in the Justice Department who was around the Grand Jury. --We got twenty minutes to deadline-- -Woodward? Hmm? -Hmm? What was the mistake? Do you think it's been rigged, all along the way, leading us on so they could slip it to us when it mattered? They couldn't have set us up better; after all these months our credibility's gone, you know what that means? -What was the mistake? Do you think it's been rigged, all along the way, leading us on so they could slip it to us when it mattered? They couldn't have set us up better; after all these months our credibility's gone, you know what that means? Only everything... -You overslept? Goddamnit!-- -I finally got through to Sloan--it was all a misunderstanding that we had: he would have told the Grand Jury about Haldeman, he was ready to, only nobody on the Grand Jury asked him the goddamn question. So I guess you could say that we screwed up, but we weren't wrong. -What does it say? John N. Mitchell, while serving as US Attorney General, personally controlled a secret cash fund that-- -John N. Mitchell, while serving as US Attorney General, personally controlled a secret cash fund that-- --jeeeeeeesus-- ---jeeeeeeesus-- --fund that was used to gather information against the Democrats-- ---fund that was used to gather information against the Democrats-- --jeeeeeeesus-- ---jeeeeeeesus-- --according to sources involved in the Watergate investigation. Beginning in the spring of 1971-- ---according to sources involved in the Watergate investigation. Beginning in the spring of 1971-- --jeeeeeeesus-- ---jeeeeeeesus-- --almost a year before he left the Justice Department-- ---almost a year before he left the Justice Department-- --jeeeeeeeeesus-- ---jeeeeeeeeesus-- --to become President Nixon's campaign manager on March 1, Mitchell personally approved withdrawals from the fund-- ---to become President Nixon's campaign manager on March 1, Mitchell personally approved withdrawals from the fund-- --all that crap, you're putting it in the paper? It's all been denied. You tell your publisher--tell Katie Graham she's gonna get her tit caught in a big fat wringer if that's published. Good Christ! That's the most sickening thing I ever heard. ---all that crap, you're putting it in the paper? It's all been denied. You tell your publisher--tell Katie Graham she's gonna get her tit caught in a big fat wringer if that's published. Good Christ! That's the most sickening thing I ever heard. Sir, I'd like to ask you a few-- -Sir, I'd like to ask you a few-- --what time is it? ---what time is it? 11:30. -11:30. Morning or night? -Morning or night? Night. -Night. Oh. -Look, you've been jerking my chain all day. If there's some reason you can't talk to me--like the fact that you've already leaked everything to The New York Times--just say so. Listen, I've got a dinner--can't we do this tomorrow? -Listen, I've got a dinner--can't we do this tomorrow? I'm on deadline. -You want Barker's phone stuff or his money stuff? Whatever. -I'll never get out of here in time. The telephone calls... we know about that. -The telephone calls... we know about that. The rest is Barker's bank records. It's mostly the eighty-nine thousand in Mexican cashier's checks-- -The rest is Barker's bank records. It's mostly the eighty-nine thousand in Mexican cashier's checks-- --yeah, that was in The Times this morning. -I never could figure just who this Dahlberg was. Think it might be anything? This? Naw... -Sorry. Now if it was Hunt you were interested in-- --Howard Hunt? ---Howard Hunt? Sure. Him I liked, he was a very nice person. Secretive too, traveled all over, but a decent man. -Sure. Him I liked, he was a very nice person. Secretive too, traveled all over, but a decent man. Any idea what he did? -Any idea what he did? Oh, the scuttlebutt for awhile was he was investigating Kennedy-- -Oh, the scuttlebutt for awhile was he was investigating Kennedy-- --Teddy Kennedy? ---Teddy Kennedy? Sure. I remember seeing a book about Chappaquiddick on his desk and he was always getting material out of the White House Library and the Library of Congress and-- -Hi, it's me. I'm still here. I'm so glad. -I'm so glad. I'd really like to see Mr. Dardis. -I'd really like to see Mr. Dardis. And you will. But not now. -And you will. But not now. I called him from Washington. He's the one who asked me to be here at eleven in the morning. -I called him from Washington. He's the one who asked me to be here at eleven in the morning. I told you, he had to go out on a case. -Could you reach Mr. Dardis by car radio? He is not in the car. Sorry. -Mr. Dardis does call in every so often? Well of course. -Well of course. Good. Just tell him I was here, that I'm sorry I missed him-- -Donald Segretti? That's right. -I'm Carl Bernstein. My paper sent me out to see if I couldn't persuade you to go on the record. You can't. -You can't. Mind if I try? -According to what we've been able to verify, you've been busy. I've got a lot of energy. -I've got a lot of energy. Listen--we know you're involved in this--we're going to get the story, why not help? -Listen--we know you're involved in this--we're going to get the story, why not help? They never told me anything except my own role--I had to find out the rest in the papers. -They never told me anything except my own role--I had to find out the rest in the papers. "By ""they"" you mean...?" -"By ""they"" you mean the White House, don't you? Your buddy from USC, Dwight Chapin-- he works for the White House." I know where Dwight works. -I know where Dwight works. When did he hire you? -Do you feel much about the things you did? I didn't do anything wrong. -I didn't do anything wrong. Tell that to Muskie. -Tell that to Muskie. Oh, maybe nickel and dime stuff. -Oh, maybe nickel and dime stuff. During the Florida primary, you wrote a letter on Muskie stationery saying Scoop Jackson had a bastard child. You wrote another that said Hubert Humphrey was out with call girls. -During the Florida primary, you wrote a letter on Muskie stationery saying Scoop Jackson had a bastard child. You wrote another that said Hubert Humphrey was out with call girls. Sometimes it got up to a quarter maybe-- --off the record. -Sometimes it got up to a quarter maybe-- --off the record. You wrote the Canuck letter--the one where you claimed Muskie slurred the Canadians. -You wrote the Canuck letter--the one where you claimed Muskie slurred the Canadians. I didn't. -I didn't. But you know who did. -But you know who did. When you guys print it in the paper, then I'll know. I'm a lawyer, and I'll probably go to jail, and be disbarred, and what did I do that was so awful? -None of it was my idea, Carl--I didn't go looking for the job. Chapin did contact you then? -Chapin did contact you then? Sure--off the record. -Sure--off the record. On the orders of Haldeman? -On the orders of Haldeman? I don't know anything about Haldeman, except, Dwight's frightened of him-- everybody's frightened of him--Christ, I wish I'd never gotten messed around with this--all I wanna do is sit in the sun; sit, swim, see some girls. -I don't know anything about Haldeman, except, Dwight's frightened of him-- everybody's frightened of him--Christ, I wish I'd never gotten messed around with this--all I wanna do is sit in the sun; sit, swim, see some girls. It gets interesting if it was Haldeman, because our word is that when Chapin says something, he's gotten the OK from Haldeman, and when Haldeman says something, he's gotten the OK from the President. -It gets interesting if it was Haldeman, because our word is that when Chapin says something, he's gotten the OK from Haldeman, and when Haldeman says something, he's gotten the OK from the President. Can't help you. -Can't help you. At USC, you had a word the this-- screwing up the opposition you all did it at college and called it ratfucking. Ever wonder if Nixon might turn out to be the biggest ratfucker of them all? -Harry, I just talked to a Miami investigator about Barker-- --so? ---so? I think it might be helpful if you'd send me to Miami. -I'm the one sent you to Toronto, Bernstein-- --that was awhile ago-- ---that was awhile ago-- "--""I think it might be helpful if you'd send me to Toronto."" That was your spiel then. ""The Lifestyles of Deserters."" I'm still waiting for it." -Down to Miami and back--how much damage can I do? You're the fella who forgot he rented a Hertz car, do I have to tell you they didn't forget to send us the bill? ---you got more than one source?-- --yes-- -Speak. We've just been talking to Young-- ---he was going to go into law practice with Segretti. And?-- ---no-- --goddamnit, when's somebody gonna go on the record on this story-- ---and we got a guy in Justice-- --Deep Throat?-- -What's a real denial? If they ever start calling us goddamn liars-- --it's time to start circling the wagons. -I thought you guys were supposed to be working on this story-- --you think I like being aced out? --what?-- ---it would have been nice to have had this, I sure would have liked to have had this-- --there's nothing new in it-- ---there's nothing new in it-- --it makes the break-in real--it's a major goddamn story-- --I'm not going to kick ass over this, but I'd like you to know I hate getting beat, I just hate it-- don't forget that I hate it-- ---if he did it or just said he did it, God knows. I could care less about where it happened; what happened is what counts. Put him on. Ken, I'm sorry, it was Goddamn Beirut and they were having a crisis, what's up, kid? Slow down, Ken, you sound frazzled. A wife and a family and a cat and a dog, right, Ken. Ken, I would never print that you were in Marilyn's apartment at night-- unless, of course, you force me to. ---Bernstein, are you sure on this story? Absolutely-- -Absolutely-- --what about you?-- -Hannah, I never would have bothered you but I'm off to Miami and they're gonna take away my ten speed unless I get it straightened out fast. Where are your bills, Carl? -Where are your bills, Carl? Oh, they're here. I'm keeping much better records now, Hannah. See? -Oh, they're here. I'm keeping much better records now, Hannah. See? Carl, it's a jungle. I suggest you either pay this immediately or lay in a large supply of candles. You'd give a stranger the shirt off your back--except it wouldn't be paid for. -Hey... very tense. Lot of pressure at the Star. Carl, when we got married, you were four thousand dollars in debt; when we split, you were solvent. That may prove to be the outstanding single achievement of my life, and now look at this. How much did the damn bike cost? -Lot of pressure at the Star. Carl, when we got married, you were four thousand dollars in debt; when we split, you were solvent. That may prove to be the outstanding single achievement of my life, and now look at this. How much did the damn bike cost? Five hundred; six maybe. -Five hundred; six maybe. You're two months behind--you got enough to cover? -You're two months behind--you got enough to cover? I think. -I think. Give me your checkbook then. -Give me your checkbook then. It's right under that pile. -I thought you had to get to Miami. There's always a later plane. -There's always a later plane. You're a sex junkie, you know that, Carl? -You're a sex junkie, you know that, Carl? Nobody's perfect. I'm glad you're out of it, Hannah-- you're a terrific reporter and I turned you into a bookkeeper. -This is practically a high school reunion for us, Jane--I would have sprung for a classier place. Anyplace really public, they'd know about it--they know everything at the Committee, Carl-- -Anyplace really public, they'd know about it--they know everything at the Committee, Carl-- --you don't really think you're being followed? ---you don't really think you're being followed? This girlfriend of mine at the Committee, the other day she went back to the D.A. to tell the things the FBI didn't ask her. That night, her boss, he knew what she'd done. They control everything; that's how they know it all. -This girlfriend of mine at the Committee, the other day she went back to the D.A. to tell the things the FBI didn't ask her. That night, her boss, he knew what she'd done. They control everything; that's how they know it all. FBI too? -FBI too? You don't believe me? Well, I was working the weekend of the break-in and my God, all the executives were running around like crazy--you had to practically wait in line to use the shredding machine--and when the FBI came to investigate, they never even asked me about it. -You don't believe me? Well, I was working the weekend of the break-in and my God, all the executives were running around like crazy--you had to practically wait in line to use the shredding machine--and when the FBI came to investigate, they never even asked me about it. If you don't like it down there, why don't you quit? -If you don't like it down there, why don't you quit? I don't know what they'd do to me. -I don't know what they'd do to me. Hey, easy... -Hey, easy... We're a long way from high school, Carl... ...and I'm scared. -You've really got to go. Just let me get a match. -But I want you to know that I understand why you're afraid--a lot of good people down there at the Committee are afraid. I'm really sorry for what you're being put through. All those articles you people write-- where do you find that stuff? -All those articles you people write-- where do you find that stuff? We don't tell anyone that. Which is why you can talk to us. And if we can't verify what you say someplace else, we don't print it. That's another reason you can relax. -We don't tell anyone that. Which is why you can talk to us. And if we can't verify what you say someplace else, we don't print it. That's another reason you can relax. I'm relaxed--light your cigarette. -You were Hugh Sloan's bookkeeper when he worked for Maurice Stans at Finance, and we were sort of wondering, did you go work for Stans immediately after Sloan quit or was there a time lapse? I never worked for Sloan or Stans. -One minute but then-- --right, right, I've got to go. Why did you lie just then? -I was just curious--you don't do it well, so I wondered. Have you been threatened, if you told the truth, is that it? ...No... never in so many words... -...No... never in so many words... It's obvious you want to talk to someone--well, I'm someone. -There are too many people watching me--they know I know a lot-- --it was all in hundreds, wasn't it? ---it was all in hundreds, wasn't it? A lot of it was. I just thought it was sort of an all-purpose political fund--you know, for taking fat cats to dinner, things like that. -A lot of it was. I just thought it was sort of an all-purpose political fund--you know, for taking fat cats to dinner, things like that. Could buy a lot of steaks, 350,000 dollars. -Could buy a lot of steaks, 350,000 dollars. I can't be positive that it was used for the break-in but people sure are worried. -I can't be positive that it was used for the break-in but people sure are worried. Which people? -Which people? The ones who could disburse the money. -The ones who could disburse the money. Who were they? -Who were they? There were a group of them--I think five, I don't know their names. -There were a group of them--I think five, I don't know their names. Sloan knew which five, didn't he? -It's awfully hot-- --and you haven't finished telling me about the money-- --omigod, there was so much of it, six million came in one two-day period-- six million cash, we couldn't find enough places to put it. I thought it was all legal, I guess I did, til after the break-in, when I remembered Gordon got so much of it. ---omigod, there was so much of it, six million came in one two-day period-- six million cash, we couldn't find enough places to put it. I thought it was all legal, I guess I did, til after the break-in, when I remembered Gordon got so much of it. Gordon Liddy, you mean? -Gordon Liddy, you mean? It was all so crazy--the day after the break-in he gave us a speech, bouncing up and down on his heels in that loony way of his--Gordon told us not to let Jim McCord ruin everything--don't let one bad apple spoil the barrel, he said. You just know that when Gordon Liddy's calling someone a bad apple, something's wrong somewhere. ...It's all so rotten... and getting worse... and all I care about is Hugh Sloan. His wife was going to leave him if he didn't stand up and do what was right. And he quit. He quit because he saw it and didn't want any part of it. -It was all so crazy--the day after the break-in he gave us a speech, bouncing up and down on his heels in that loony way of his--Gordon told us not to let Jim McCord ruin everything--don't let one bad apple spoil the barrel, he said. You just know that when Gordon Liddy's calling someone a bad apple, something's wrong somewhere. ...It's all so rotten... and getting worse... and all I care about is Hugh Sloan. His wife was going to leave him if he didn't stand up and do what was right. And he quit. He quit because he saw it and didn't want any part of it. Think Sloan's being set up as a fall guy for John Mitchell? Sometimes it looks that way. -Why couldn't you have just dialed me from the office, Irwin? 'Cause I'm not calling out from the phone company anymore-- --I think the place is bugged. -'Cause I'm not calling out from the phone company anymore-- --I think the place is bugged. So tell me about the Times article. -So tell me about the Times article. What do you want to know? -What do you want to know? No games, Irwin; give. -No games, Irwin; give. My big civil rights buddy-- --boy, if John Mitchell was after your phone records, would you be screaming. What're you onto? -My big civil rights buddy-- --boy, if John Mitchell was after your phone records, would you be screaming. What're you onto? Something maybe big. -Something maybe big. And that makes anything you do OK, is that it? -And that makes anything you do OK, is that it? Just tell me about the goddamn article. -Just tell me about the goddamn article. It was accurate, but I can't get a fuller listing for you--all Barker's phone records have been subpoenaed. -It was accurate, but I can't get a fuller listing for you--all Barker's phone records have been subpoenaed. Who by? -Who by? A Miami D.A. The guy doing the investigating is named Martin Dardis. -A Miami D.A. The guy doing the investigating is named Martin Dardis. Irwin? I really feel bad, doing something like this--you know that, don't you? ---then again, maybe things are even worse than we've written-- --they're worse. That's why I quit. -Try and understand this. I'm a decent Republican. I believe in Richard Nixon. I worked in the White House four years--so did my wife. What happened on June 17 I don't think the President knew anything about. Some of his men I'm not so sure of. Do you think the truth will come out at the trial? -Do you think the truth will come out at the trial? That's another of the things I'm not so sure of. -That's another of the things I'm not so sure of. Because people at the Committee were told to lie to the prosecutors? -Because people at the Committee were told to lie to the prosecutors? "We were never told flat out ""Don't talk."" But the message was clear." -"We were never told flat out ""Don't talk."" But the message was clear." To cover up? -To cover up? Well, they sure didn't ask us to come forward and tell the truth. -But they both worked at the White House? I will not talk about the other two. -I will not talk about the other two. Kalmbach--Nixon's personal lawyer. -Right. Then Barker withdrew the 25 thousand in hundred dollar bills and gave it back to Liddy who gave it back to me and I put it in the office safe which was crammed. -Ordinarily, though, what was the procedure? "Routine--I'd just call John Mitchell over at the Justice Department and he'd say ""go ahead, give out the money.""" -What happens when the baby comes? We're moving. I've been looking for a job but it's been... hard. My name's been in the papers too much. Sometimes I wonder if reporters understand how much pain they can inflict in just one sentence. I'm not thinking of myself. But my wife, my parents, it's been very rough on them. -I really can't talk now-- --this'll only take one second-- ---this'll only take one second-- --my wife just had the baby, my in- laws are arriving, I'm trying to get the house in some kind of shape. ---I'm not your source on that-- --it's gotta be Haldeman--someone from the White House had to be involved-- ---that leaves Haldeman, period. I'm not your source on that. ---if we wrote a story that said Haldeman controlled the fund?-- --let me put it this way: I'd have no problem if you did. -Then it's our asses, isn't it? And we'll all have to go to work for a living. -Same kind of crap-- --all non-denial denials--we're dirty guys and they doubt we were ever virgins but they don't say the story is inaccurate. ---I don't know, I don't know, it feels thin-- --Christ, I wish I knew if we should print this-- ---well shit, we oughtta be tense-- we're about to accuse Mr. Haldeman who only happens to be the second most important man in America of conducting a criminal conspiracy from inside the White House-- --it would be nice if we were right-- --you double-checked both sources?-- -What's this? My non-denial denial. -I don't think either Metropolitan or National should cover the story. I don't think we should cover the story, period. Go on. -Go on. It's not that we're using unnamed sources that bothers me, or that everything we print the White House denies, or that almost no other papers are reprinting our stuff. -It will, it just hasn't bottomed out yet, give it time. Ben, Jesus, there are over two thousand reporters in this town, are there five on Watergate? Where did we suddenly get all this wisdom? -Look--why would the Republicans do it? --my God, McGovern is self- destructing before our eyes--just like Muskie did, Humphrey, the bunch of 'em. Why would the burglars have put the tape around the door instead of up and down unless they wanted to get caught? Why did they take a walkie- talkie and then turn it off, unless they wanted to get caught? Why would they use McCord--the only direct contact to the Republicans? You saying the Democrats bugged themselves? -You saying the Democrats bugged themselves? The FBI thinks it's possible--the Democrats need a campaign issue, corruption's always a good one. Get off the story, Ben--or put some people on McGovern's finances; fair is fair, even in our business. -I was told by this guy at the White House that Hunt was investigating Teddy Kennedy. How senior? -How senior? You asking me to disclose my source? -Just tell me his title. I don't know titles. -I don't know titles. Is he on the level of Assistant to the President or not? -This is a daily paper, we'll explain it tomorrow. You're certain on Mitchell? He approved the payments to Liddy while he was still Attorney General-- ---I saw him. He verifies. OK. You're about to write a story that says that the former Attorney General-- the man who represented law in America-- is a crook. Just be right, huh? -I got Clawsen on hold-- --his dialing finger must be falling off-- ---his dialing finger must be falling off-- --what do you think?-- ---what do you think?-- --he went to her apartment and he told her-- ---I'm sure-- --I'm not sure, it still feels thin-- -We can't talk inside either? Electronic surveillance. -Anything else from Mr. Throat? Mitchell started the cover-up early, everyone is involved in the cover- up, all the way to the top. The whole U.S. intelligence community is mixed in with the covert activities. The extent of it is incredible. And people's lives are in danger, maybe including ours. -Mr. Caddy? My name's Bob Woodward, I'm from the Post and I wanted to ask about how you happened to come on this case-- --I'm not here. ---I'm not here. OK. -"Douglas Caddy, the attorney of record, when questioned about his presence in the courtroom, denied he was in the courtroom, ""I'm not here,"" Mr. Caddy said." Clearly, I am here, but only as an individual, I'm not the attorney of record. Mr. Rafferty has that position. Whatever you want, you'll have to get from him, I have nothing more to say. -Mr. Rafferty was very helpful. Four Cuban-Americans and this other man, James McCord. Look, I told you inside-- -Look, I told you inside-- --you have nothing more to say, I understand that. -What I don't understand is how you got here. I assure you, there's nothing mysterious involved. -I assure you, there's nothing mysterious involved. Probably you're right, but a little while ago, I was talking to a couple of lawyers who'd been assigned to represent the burglars. -Probably you're right, but a little while ago, I was talking to a couple of lawyers who'd been assigned to represent the burglars. So? -So? Well, they never would have been assigned if anyone had known the burglars had arranged for their own counsel. And that could only mean the burglars didn't arrange for their own counsel--they never even made a phone call. So if they didn't ask for you to be here, how did you know to come? -Did you know to come because one of the other men involved in the break- in called you? There is no reason to assume other people were involved. -There is no reason to assume other people were involved. Your clients were arrested with a walkie-talkie; they didn't need that to talk among themselves. -They are not my clients. You're a lawyer and you're here-- -You're a lawyer and you're here-- --I met one of the defendants, Mr. Barker, at a social occasion once-- --I have nothing more to say. ---I met one of the defendants, Mr. Barker, at a social occasion once-- --I have nothing more to say. A Miami social occasion? Mr. Rafferty told me the Cubans were from Miami. -A Miami social occasion? Mr. Rafferty told me the Cubans were from Miami. Barker's wife called me at three this morning; her husband apparently had told her to call if he hadn't called her by then. -Barker's wife called me at three this morning; her husband apparently had told her to call if he hadn't called her by then. It was really nice of you to come, since you'd only met him once. -It was really nice of you to come, since you'd only met him once. Are you implying you don't believe me? -Are you implying you don't believe me? I have nothing more to say. -I have nothing more to say. You don't mind getting on people's nerves, do you? -You claiming it was all a misunderstanding, Ken? Absolutely--Marilyn's gotten it totally wrong-- -Absolutely--Marilyn's gotten it totally wrong-- She's an awfully good reporter--I can't remember her getting too much wrong before, can you? -She's an awfully good reporter--I can't remember her getting too much wrong before, can you? That's a bullshit question, that's a question straight out of Wichita, Kansas. -That's a bullshit question, that's a question straight out of Wichita, Kansas. Sorry, Ken; listen, one last thing: where did your talk with Berger happen? -Sorry, Ken; listen, one last thing: where did your talk with Berger happen? Where? What do you mean, where? -Where? What do you mean, where? Well, was it in a bar, her apartment, some restaurant-- -Well, was it in a bar, her apartment, some restaurant-- --I've completely forgotten where it was, except I know it wasn't her apartment. ---this should take only a minute, Mr. Dahlberg, but we're doing a follow- up on the break-in-- --and I was kind of curious about your check. ...check...? -...check...? The twenty-five thousand dollar one. The one with your name on it. In Bernard Barker's Florida account. Bernard Barker, the Watergate burglar-- -The twenty-five thousand dollar one. The one with your name on it. In Bernard Barker's Florida account. Bernard Barker, the Watergate burglar-- ...you're definitely doing a story...? -...you're definitely doing a story...? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. I'm a proper citizen, I'm a decent man, I don't do anything that isn't decent or proper. I know I shouldn't tell you this... -That twenty-five thousand dollars is money I collected for Nixon in this year's campaign. I see. And how do you think it reached Miami? -I see. And how do you think it reached Miami? I don't know; I really don't. The last time I saw it was when I was in Washington. I gave it to the Finance department of the Committee to Re- Elect the President. How it got to that burglar, your guess is as good as mine. -I don't know; I really don't. The last time I saw it was when I was in Washington. I gave it to the Finance department of the Committee to Re- Elect the President. How it got to that burglar, your guess is as good as mine. That checks out with our finding, thank you, Mr. Dahlberg. -I saw the flag signal--what's up? Nothing, that's the problem--the story's gone underground. -Nothing, that's the problem--the story's gone underground. You thought I'd help out on specifics? I'll confirm what you get, try to keep you on the right track, but that's all. Are you guys really working? How much? -You thought I'd help out on specifics? I'll confirm what you get, try to keep you on the right track, but that's all. Are you guys really working? How much? I don't know maybe sixteen, eighteen hours a day--we've got sources at Justice, the FBI, but it's still drying up. -I don't know maybe sixteen, eighteen hours a day--we've got sources at Justice, the FBI, but it's still drying up. Then there must be something, mustn't there. Look, forget the myths the media's created about the White House-- the truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand. -Then there must be something, mustn't there. Look, forget the myths the media's created about the White House-- the truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand. If you don't like them, why won't you be more concrete with me? -If you don't like them, why won't you be more concrete with me? Because the press stinks too--history on the run, that's all you're interested in. You come up with anything? -Because the press stinks too--history on the run, that's all you're interested in. You come up with anything? John Mitchell resigned as head of CREEP to spend more time with his family. That doesn't exactly have the ring of truth. Howard Hunt's been found--there was talk that his lawyer had 25 thousand in cash in a paper bag. -John Mitchell resigned as head of CREEP to spend more time with his family. That doesn't exactly have the ring of truth. Howard Hunt's been found--there was talk that his lawyer had 25 thousand in cash in a paper bag. Follow the money. Always follow the money. -Follow the money. Always follow the money. To where? -To where? Go on. -Go on. This man Gordon Liddy--he's going to be tried along with Hunt and the five burglars--we know he knows a lot, we just don't know what. -This man Gordon Liddy--he's going to be tried along with Hunt and the five burglars--we know he knows a lot, we just don't know what. You changed cabs? You're sure no one followed you? -You changed cabs? You're sure no one followed you? I did everything you said, but it all seemed-- -I did everything you said, but it all seemed-- --melodramatic? Things are past that--remember, these are men with switchblade mentalities who run the world as if it were Dodge City. ---melodramatic? Things are past that--remember, these are men with switchblade mentalities who run the world as if it were Dodge City. What's the whole thing about--do you know? -What's the whole thing about--do you know? What I know, you'll have to find out on your own. -What I know, you'll have to find out on your own. Liddy--you think there's a chance he'll talk? -Liddy--you think there's a chance he'll talk? "Talk? Once, at a gathering, he put his hand over a candle. And he kept it there. He kept it right in the flame until his flesh seared. A woman who was watching asked, ""What's the trick?"" And he replied. ""The trick is not minding.""" -My turn to keep you waiting. What's the topic for tonight? Ratfucking. -Ratfucking. In my day, it was simply called the double cross. I believe the CIA refers to it as Mindfuck. In our context, it simply means infiltration of the Democrats. -In my day, it was simply called the double cross. I believe the CIA refers to it as Mindfuck. In our context, it simply means infiltration of the Democrats. I know what it means--Segretti wouldn't go on the record, but if he would, we know he'd implicate Chapin. And that would put us inside the White House. -I know what it means--Segretti wouldn't go on the record, but if he would, we know he'd implicate Chapin. And that would put us inside the White House. Yes, the little ratfuckers are now running our government. -Yes, the little ratfuckers are now running our government. Who?--be specific. How high up? -Who?--be specific. How high up? You'll have to find that out, won't you. -You'll have to find that out, won't you. The slush fund at CREEP financed the ratfucking, we've almost got that nailed down, so-- -What? Did you change cabs? It didn't work, something moved there-- -I hope you noticed how coolly I behaved under the threat of discovery. Do Justice and the FBI know what we know, and why the hell haven't they done anything about it? -Do Justice and the FBI know what we know, and why the hell haven't they done anything about it? They know, but they focused on the burglary--if it didn't deal with the break-in, they didn't pursue it. -They know, but they focused on the burglary--if it didn't deal with the break-in, they didn't pursue it. Why didn't they?--who told them not to? -Why didn't they?--who told them not to? Someone with authority I'd imagine, wouldn't you? Don't you know what you're onto? Come on. -Someone with authority I'd imagine, wouldn't you? Don't you know what you're onto? Come on. Mitchell knew then. -Mitchell knew then. Of course--my God, you think something this big just happens? The break-in and the cover up, of course Mitchell knew, but no more than Ehrlichman. -Of course--my God, you think something this big just happens? The break-in and the cover up, of course Mitchell knew, but no more than Ehrlichman. Haldeman too? -Haldeman too? You get nothing from me about Haldeman? -Why did they do all this for Chrissakes?--what were they after? Total manipulation. I suppose you could say they wanted to subvert the Constitution, but they don't think along philosophical lines. -Total manipulation. I suppose you could say they wanted to subvert the Constitution, but they don't think along philosophical lines. Talk about Segretti-- -Talk about Segretti-- --don't concentrate on Segretti or you'll miss the overall scheme too. ---don't concentrate on Segretti or you'll miss the overall scheme too. There were more then. -There were more then. Follow every lead--every lead goes somewhere-- -Follow every lead--every lead goes somewhere-- --the Canuck letter--was that a White House operation-- ---the Canuck letter--was that a White House operation-- --don't you miss the grand scheme too. ---don't you miss the grand scheme too. How grand? -How grand? Nationwide--my God, they were frightened of Muskie and look who got destroyed--they wanted to run against McGovern, and look who they're running against. They bugged, they followed people, false press leaks, fake letters, they canceled Democratic campaign rallies, they investigated Democratic private lives, they planted spies, stole documents, on and on-- don't tell me you think this was all the work of little Don Segretti. -Nationwide--my God, they were frightened of Muskie and look who got destroyed--they wanted to run against McGovern, and look who they're running against. They bugged, they followed people, false press leaks, fake letters, they canceled Democratic campaign rallies, they investigated Democratic private lives, they planted spies, stole documents, on and on-- don't tell me you think this was all the work of little Don Segretti. And Justice and FBI know all this? -And Justice and FBI know all this? Yes, yes, everything. There were over fifty people employed by the White House and CREEP to ratfuck-- some of what they did is beyond belief. -Yes, yes, everything. There were over fifty people employed by the White House and CREEP to ratfuck-- some of what they did is beyond belief. Fifty ratfuckers directed by the White House to destroy the Democrats? -Fifty ratfuckers directed by the White House to destroy the Democrats? I was being cautious. You can safely say more then fifty... ---I know, I know, the pressure's off the White House and it's all back on the Post-- --you've done worse than let Haldeman slip away, you've got people feeling sorry for him--I didn't think that was possible. A conspiracy like this-- the rope has to tighten slowly around everyone's neck. You build from the outer edges and you go step by step. If you shoot too high and miss, then everybody feels more secure. You've put the investigation back months. ---you've done worse than let Haldeman slip away, you've got people feeling sorry for him--I didn't think that was possible. A conspiracy like this-- the rope has to tighten slowly around everyone's neck. You build from the outer edges and you go step by step. If you shoot too high and miss, then everybody feels more secure. You've put the investigation back months. We know that--and if we were wrong, we're resigning--were we wrong? -We know that--and if we were wrong, we're resigning--were we wrong? You'll have to find that out, won't you?-- -Hello, I'm Bob Woodward of the Washing Post and... Mullen and Company Public Relations? Could you tell me when you expect Mr. Hunt? He is? Howard Hunt here. -Howard Hunt here. Hi, I'm Bob Woodward of the Post and-- -Hi, I'm Bob Woodward of the Post and-- --yes, yes, what is it? ---yes, yes, what is it? I was just kind of wondering why your name and phone number were in the address books of two of the men arrested at Watergate? -I was just kind of wondering why your name and phone number were in the address books of two of the men arrested at Watergate? Good God! -Your name, please. James McCord. -James McCord. Will you step forward, sir. -And what is your occupation, Mr. McCord? Security consultant. -Security consultant. Where? -Where? Government. Recently retired. -Government. Recently retired. Where in government? -Where in government? ...Central... Intelligence... Agency... -...Central... Intelligence... Agency... Where? -Where? The C.I.A. -I'm so glad you could come, Mr.-- --I'm Woodward. -"You know, the paper was my father's and my husband's when they were alive and I was thinking back a year or two ago when Ben called me and said he wanted to publish the Pentagon Papers the next day. The Times had already been stopped from publishing anymore of them and all my legal counsel said ""don't, don't"" and I was frightened but I knew if I said no, I'd lose the whole fifth floor. So we published, and that night, after I'd told Ben to go ahead, I woke up in the darkness and I thought, ""Oh my Lord, what am I doing to this newspaper?"" I woke up again last night with that same question. Are we right on this story?" I think so. -I think so. Are you sure? -Are you sure? No. -No. When will you be, do you think?-- when are we going to know it all? -When will you be, do you think?-- when are we going to know it all? It may never come out. -It may never come out. Never? Please don't tell me never. Ben says you've found some wonderful sources. -Never? Please don't tell me never. Ben says you've found some wonderful sources. Some Justice Department lawyers and an FBI man, and some people from the Committee to Re-Elect, yes ma'am. -Some Justice Department lawyers and an FBI man, and some people from the Committee to Re-Elect, yes ma'am. And the underground garage one. Would I know him? -And the underground garage one. Would I know him? I couldn't say. -I couldn't say. But it's possible. -But it's possible. It is. -It is. You've never told anyone who he is? But you'd have to tell me if I asked you. Tell me. -You've never told anyone who he is? But you'd have to tell me if I asked you. Tell me. I would, if you really ever wanted to know. -I would, if you really ever wanted to know. I really want to know. -We're going to need lots of good luck, aren't we? Nobody ever had too much. ---you are ignoring the importance of the Dahlberg repercussions-- --nobody gives a shit about the Dahlberg repercussions-- ---nobody gives a shit about the Dahlberg repercussions-- --quit equivocating, say what you mean-- --our story got Government Accounting to start an audit on CREEP's finances-- ---correction--when you were drinking your lunch at the bar of the Sans Souci-- --this White House guy, a good one, a pro, came up and asked what is this Watergate compulsion with you guys and I said, well, we think it's important and he said, if it's so goddamn important, who the hell are Woodward and Bernstein? ---this White House guy, a good one, a pro, came up and asked what is this Watergate compulsion with you guys and I said, well, we think it's important and he said, if it's so goddamn important, who the hell are Woodward and Bernstein? Ask him what he's really saying--he means take the story away from Woodstein and give it to his people at the National Desk-- -Ask him what he's really saying--he means take the story away from Woodstein and give it to his people at the National Desk-- --well, I've got some pretty experienced fellas sitting around, wouldn't you say so?-- ---well, I've got some pretty experienced fellas sitting around, wouldn't you say so?-- --absolutely--and that's all they do, sit sit sit--every once in a while, they call up a Senator, some reporting-- ---absolutely--and that's all they do, sit sit sit--every once in a while, they call up a Senator, some reporting-- --well, what if your boys get it wrong-- -Where's that cheery face we've come to know and love? You call me in on my day off because some idiots have broken into local Democratic Headquarters--tell me, Harry, why should I be smiling? -You call me in on my day off because some idiots have broken into local Democratic Headquarters--tell me, Harry, why should I be smiling? As usual, that keen mind of yours has pegged the situation perfectly. Except it wasn't local Democratic Headquarters, it was National Democratic Headquarters-- --and these weren't just any idiots, these were special idiots, seeing as when they were arrested at 2:30 this morning, they were all wearing business suits and Playtex gloves and were carrying-- --a walkie-talkie, forty rolls of film, cameras, lock picks, pen-sized tear gas guns, plus various bugging devices. Not to mention over two thousand dollars, mostly in sequenced hundred dollar bills. -As usual, that keen mind of yours has pegged the situation perfectly. Except it wasn't local Democratic Headquarters, it was National Democratic Headquarters-- --and these weren't just any idiots, these were special idiots, seeing as when they were arrested at 2:30 this morning, they were all wearing business suits and Playtex gloves and were carrying-- --a walkie-talkie, forty rolls of film, cameras, lock picks, pen-sized tear gas guns, plus various bugging devices. Not to mention over two thousand dollars, mostly in sequenced hundred dollar bills. Preliminary hearing at Superior Courthouse? -Preliminary hearing at Superior Courthouse? Two o'clock, work the phones 'til you go. -...go on, go on... That's everything Bachinski had, I think it's worth following up. -That's everything Bachinski had, I think it's worth following up. Don't know; who the hell's Howard Hunt? It's probably nothing but check it out. Just go easy, it could be crazy Cubans. -OK, get on this W.House guy and do a better job then you did on McCord. I did all right on McCord. -I did all right on McCord. Then how come the Associated Press were the ones found out that Mr. McCord is security coordinator for the Committee to Re-elect the President, otherwise known as CREEP? -Then how come the Associated Press were the ones found out that Mr. McCord is security coordinator for the Committee to Re-elect the President, otherwise known as CREEP? The head of security for the reelection of a Republican President got caught bugging the national offices of the Democrats? What the hell does that mean? -The head of security for the reelection of a Republican President got caught bugging the national offices of the Democrats? What the hell does that mean? "Mr. John Mitchell, the head of CREEP, says it means nothing. ""...This man and the other people involved were not operating on either our behalf or with our consent. These is no place in our campaign or in the electoral process for this type of activity, and we will not forget it or condone it.""" -"Mr. John Mitchell, the head of CREEP, says it means nothing. ""...This man and the other people involved were not operating on either our behalf or with our consent. These is no place in our campaign or in the electoral process for this type of activity, and we will not forget it or condone it.""" You can't believe that. -You can't believe that. As a rough rule of thumb, as far as I can throw Bronco Nagurski, that's how much I trust John Mitchell... -What'd you get on W.House? Lotsa hints-- -Lotsa hints-- I can't sell hints to Simons-- --you called everyone you know? Call someone you don't know. -Who's Charles Colson? "I would liken your query to being in Russia half a century ago and asking someone, ""I understand who Lenin is and Trotsky I got too, but who's this yokel Stalin?""" -"I would liken your query to being in Russia half a century ago and asking someone, ""I understand who Lenin is and Trotsky I got too, but who's this yokel Stalin?""" Who's Colson, Harry? -Who's Colson, Harry? The most powerful man in America is President Nixon, probably you've heard his name. -The second most powerful man is Robert Haldeman. Just below him are a trio: Mr. Erlichman is Haldeman's friend, and they protect the President from everybody which is why they are referred to as either The German Shepherds or the Berlin Wall. Mr. Mitchell we've already discussed. Mr. Colson is the President's special counsel. Thanks, Harry. Know anything about Colson? -Thanks, Harry. Know anything about Colson? "Just that on his office wall there's a cartoon with a caption reading, ""When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.""" -Whaddya got, whaddya got? Hunt is Colson's man-- --that's Charles Colson, Nixon's special counsel-- --they both went to Brown University-- --Hunt worked for the C.I.A. till '70, and this is on deep background, the FBI thinks he's involved with the break-in. -So? I never asked them about Watergate. I only said what were Hunt's duties at the White House. They volunteered that he was innocent when nobody asked was he guilty. -I never asked them about Watergate. I only said what were Hunt's duties at the White House. They volunteered that he was innocent when nobody asked was he guilty. I think we got a White House consultant linked to the bugging. ---who you got?-- --well, Sloan-- -Anything? Woodward's onto a new wrinkle with the break-in thing--absolute page one stuff-- -Woodward's onto a new wrinkle with the break-in thing--absolute page one stuff-- --in other words, you got nothing, you're thumbsucking. ---in other words, you got nothing, you're thumbsucking. Could develop. -Could develop. Let me see what you get, but don't jump--The New York Times thinks it's crazy Cubans. -"I can predict the next words you're gonna say: ""anyone but Bernstein."" I want to send a reporter to Miami." Anyone but Bernstein. -Anyone but Bernstein. Howard-- -Howard-- --remember Toronto, Harry. ---remember Toronto, Harry. That was awhile ago. -That was awhile ago. I don't get it--you were the one who wanted to fire him. -I don't get it--you were the one who wanted to fire him. I know, I did, but damnit Howard-- For the first time since I've known him, I think he's really humping... ---has any of them got an ax?-- --political, personal, sexual, anything at all against Mitchell?-- ---listen, we didn't make them do these things--once they did, it's our job to report it-- --go over your sources again-- ---listen, I love this country, you think I want to bring it down?--I'm not some goddamn zany, I was a hawk-- --Harry, weren't you just arguing the opposite way?-- ---Harry, weren't you just arguing the opposite way?-- --maybe I'm tense-- -More denunciations? One Senator just gave a speech slurring us 57 times in 20 minutes. -What else have you got? "According to White House personnel, Hunt definitely works there as a consultant for Colson. But when I called the White House Press office, they said he hadn't worked there for three months. Then the P.R. guy said the weirdest thing to me. ""I am convinced that neither Mr. Colson nor anyone else at the White House had any knowledge of, or participation in, this deplorable incident at the Democratic National Committee.""" -Isn't that what you'd expect them to say? Absolutely. ---no-- --can we use their names?-- -What do you think Mrs. Graham wants to see me for? Maybe to fire you--since you two started on this story, the Post stock has dropped, what, 50 percent? And the word is some Nixon people are challenging her TV licenses. I'm not saying she's going on relief, but I don't think it's unreasonable for her to want to meet you. -Maybe to fire you--since you two started on this story, the Post stock has dropped, what, 50 percent? And the word is some Nixon people are challenging her TV licenses. I'm not saying she's going on relief, but I don't think it's unreasonable for her to want to meet you. You think she wants us to ease up on the story? -You think she wants us to ease up on the story? I don't know, but I don't think that's unreasonable either, do you? ---which Young? Larry Young, a California lawyer-- ---and he says Chapin hired Segretti-- --well and good, but when will he say it on the record. ---well and good, but when will he say it on the record. He just did. -Mr. Sloan? My wife told me to expect you. As you know, I haven't talked to the press. -I'd like to talk to you, I really would, but my lawyers say I shouldn't until after the Watergate trial. You handed out the money. Maybe there's a legitimate explanation for the way it was done-- -"Does ""they"" mean the White House?" As opposed to the Committee? The Committee's not an independent operation. Everything is cleared with the White House. I don't think that the FBI or the prosecutors understand that. -As opposed to the Committee? The Committee's not an independent operation. Everything is cleared with the White House. I don't think that the FBI or the prosecutors understand that. The report on the cash in Maurice Stans' safe, the three hundred fifty thousand, that's true? -The report on the cash in Maurice Stans' safe, the three hundred fifty thousand, that's true? No. It was closer to seven hundred thousand. -No. It was closer to seven hundred thousand. And as treasurer, you could release those funds? -And as treasurer, you could release those funds? When so ordered. -When so ordered. We're not sure we've got all the guys who could order you, but we know there were five. -Colson's too smart to get directly involved with something like that. Haldeman. Right? -Haldeman. Right? I won't talk about the other two. -I can't say anything, I'm sorry. One thing I'm not completely clear on--when you gave out the money to Liddy, how did that work? -One thing I'm not completely clear on--when you gave out the money to Liddy, how did that work? Badly. You don't realize how close all this came to staying undiscovered--I gave Liddy the Dahlberg check and he gave it to Barker who took it to Miami and deposited it. -Go on. Well, when Liddy came and asked for money for what turned out to be the break-in funds, I went to the safe and gave him--out of this whole fortune--I happened to give him the same hundreds he gave me--banks have to keep track of hundreds. If the money had been in fifties, or if I'd grabbed a different stack, there probably wouldn't have been any Watergate story. -A boy or a girl? A girl. Melissa. ---and it wasn't Ehrlichman or Colson or the President. No, none of those. ---look, when the Watergate grand jury questioned you, did you name names? Of course--everything they asked-- -Hi. I'm Bob Woodward of the Washington Post and I hate to bother you at home-- --I already get the Post. I don't need another subscription. ---I already get the Post. I don't need another subscription. No, I'm a reporter. I wanted to talk to you about the Committee to Re- Elect. -No, I'm a reporter. I wanted to talk to you about the Committee to Re- Elect. The what to what? -The what to what? You work there, Miss Abbott. -You work there, Miss Abbott. I'm not Miss Abbott. -What the hell was that? Sorry. -Sorry. No, it was good. -No, it was good. Oh, well... It came from the heart. -Oh, well... It came from the heart. Well then keep it coming. Alright, people, good work! Keep it up and we'll do great at the state competition. -I'll do it. Okay then. The rest of you okay with that? -Good work, Ostreicher. Thanks coach. -Thanks coach. You're a killer, Ozzy! -You're a killer, Ozzy! -- Thanks, coach -- -Christ! I didn't say you were out of the game! Sorry, coach. -Sorry, coach. What the fuck is this? You got someplace more important to be? -Great evening, isn't it? Sure. -Sure. There's something about the spring that's just cool. Like the smell of fresh rain or something. -What did you just say? Suck me...beautiful? -Uh...you know, my friends call me Nova -- as in Casanova. You need some work, buddy! -Look, Chris. There are just some things you need to learn, that's all. Like what? -Alright, well...you've got to tone it down. You don't need to go to Lookout Point and spout cheeseball lines to be romantic. ...okay... -...okay... You have to pay attention to a girl. Be sensitive to her feelings. Relationships are reciprocal. -You have to pay attention to a girl. Be sensitive to her feelings. Relationships are reciprocal. I'm not good in math. -Perhaps you should consider actually answering an ad. Finch, you can be the one to date a nearly-dead insane chick. Eat your damn imitation hot dog. -Finch, you can be the one to date a nearly-dead insane chick. Eat your damn imitation hot dog. This is no imitation. Removing the hot dog from the Ultradog yields a better dog. Behold -- Ultradog, no dog. -Good morning gentleman. Finch! Where were you last night? What happened to the foolproof plan? -Finch! Where were you last night? What happened to the foolproof plan? I thought a fashionably late entrance would enhance my appearance. When I got here, the Bacchanalia was over and the nymphs had left. -You're just gonna sit there and drink your coffee? Mochaccino. Actually, in the spirit of the pact, I do need to ask for your cooperation in one small matter. -Finch, don't you think it's about time you learned to take a dump at school? When was the last time you looked at the facilities here? -Ah, Stifler's mom! Thank you for letting us have a great party. As if there were any alternative in the matter. Are you enjoying yourself? -As if there were any alternative in the matter. Are you enjoying yourself? I'm three sheets to the wind, ma'am! -I'm three sheets to the wind, ma'am! I'm so happy for you. Takes the edge off, doesn't it? And where might your date be? -I'm so happy for you. Takes the edge off, doesn't it? And where might your date be? Oh no, no date. Bathroom incident. -Oh no, no date. Bathroom incident. Pardon me? -...Nevermind. You have anything to drink? I believe the kegs are upstairs. -I believe the kegs are upstairs. No, no, that's what the cretins drink. I mean alcohol, liquor -- good stuff. -All right, I got some scotch. Single malt? -Single malt? Aged eighteen years. Why don't you get the glasses. Behind the bar. -So...would you object if I said you're quite striking? Mister Finch -- are you trying to seduce me? -Mister Finch -- are you trying to seduce me? Yes ma'am, I am. -I had no idea you'd be this good! Neither did I! -This is your plan, Finch? Yep. -This. Right now. Uh-huh. -Of course, Finch. What? Whatever you hear about me, you agree. -Whatever you hear about me, you agree. What are we gonna hear? -What are we gonna hear? You'll see. Gotta go. Sixteen minute round trip. -You know, Jim...you could go back there...and... Seduce her. -What do you suppose they're saying? No idea. -Finch! Get to the bathroom! Now! Easy, tiger. What's in there? -Easy, tiger. What's in there? Just go! -Just go! Why is this? -Why is this? You're gonna shit your pants! -You're gonna shit your pants! Charming. -Charming. Finch, listen -- Stifler slipped some sort of laxative in your Mocash-chino or whatever. It's fast acting. I mean really fast. -Finch, listen -- Stifler slipped some sort of laxative in your Mocash-chino or whatever. It's fast acting. I mean really fast. First of all, it's Mochaccino, and secondly...Oohhhh! -Me too. For the most part. Nah. Fuck, you guys are right, I don't know what I'm doing. I mean I'm acting like I've got it all together tonight. But I know Vicky is gonna ask me if I love her. And I don't know what I'm gonna say. So now it's like, maybe I'll just wimp out on the whole thing. -I'll tell you, I've learned one thing: women, like wine, get better with age. Of course, I have no frame of reference for this comparison. So Oz, you almost made it, huh? -Not bad, Chris. Really? Hey, thanks -- Heather, right? -Really? Hey, thanks -- Heather, right? Yeah...so...you've got this sort of... Bobby McFerrin thing going there. -Yeah...so...you've got this sort of... Bobby McFerrin thing going there. Yeah. Right, uh-huh. I feel like I've discovered this whole new side of me. Music is so expressive. -Yeah. Right, uh-huh. I feel like I've discovered this whole new side of me. Music is so expressive. Okay. I mean, I agree, but...aren't you supposed to be out, like, trying to decapitate someone with your lacrosse stick or something? -Oh sure. I know what people think. It's like, Oz, he's just this kickass lacrosse player -- I also play football, by the way -- But that's like...not all that I am. Of course, I didn't -- -Of course, I didn't -- I mean it really bothers me when people try to pigeonhole me like that. -I mean it really bothers me when people try to pigeonhole me like that. "You? You think I don't get that? God, it's like just because I don't get drunk and barf every weekend, people say ""Oh, here's this goody-two- shoes choir-girl priss.""" -Yeah...so like, what else do you do? Well the same things you do. Hang out with friends and stuff, you know, whatever. What do you think I do? -Well the same things you do. Hang out with friends and stuff, you know, whatever. What do you think I do? I just -- realized that I didn't know anything about you. I was interested. -I just -- realized that I didn't know anything about you. I was interested. Oh...well that's okay. Cool. -Hey, what're you doing here? "Just enjoying my exhilarating first lacrosse experience. You like, ""kicked butt.""" -Um...Chris -- You can call me Oz. -You can call me Oz. Do I have to? -Do I have to? You can call me Ostreicher. -You can call me Ostreicher. What's your middle name? -What's your middle name? Forget it. -Forget it. Come on! I won't tell. -Come on! I won't tell. Neither will I. -Neither will I. Okay. So I had this...thought, and...this may seem like it's out of left field, and I don't know if you can, but since I'm not going with anyone -- -Alright, cool. I gotta hit the showers, but...I think this'll be really good. Yeah, me too, okay, cool. -Nice car. I'm glad you think so. -I'm glad you think so. You don't like it? -You don't like it? No, I like the car. By the way, though, about prom? That was like a bad idea. Sorry I invited you. -What?! Oh, please. I asked you because I thought you might actually be worth going with. But you are just a jock. No wait. You're a jerk. -Oh, please. I asked you because I thought you might actually be worth going with. But you are just a jock. No wait. You're a jerk. What? No I'm not. -What? No I'm not. I saw you making fun of me with your lacrosse buddies. -I saw you making fun of me with your lacrosse buddies. I wasn't making fun of you. -I wasn't making fun of you. Give me a break, you're so full of it. -Why are you doing this? Because I want to. -Because I want to. Yeah? Well you can't fake your way through this. You better practice. -Hi... How did you know I was here? -How did you know I was here? Stifler told me. -Stifler told me. You talked to Stifler? -You talked to Stifler? Well...I needed to find you. We are gonna have to practice that song. -Well...I needed to find you. We are gonna have to practice that song. ...okay. Cool then. I'm um, I'm glad you came by. I mean, really. -Uh...my dad's the manager. Really? Cool. Tell him his subs are great. -Really? Cool. Tell him his subs are great. Ah, he's always too heavy on the vinegar. If you really want a good one, you gotta let me make it. -My dad's always here running the store, busy and stuff...and I fill in once a week so he can get a night off. That's nice. -That's nice. So you're going to Michigan? -So you're going to Michigan? "Yeah, well my parents wanted me to go to Northwestern. I didn't want to write all those extra essays they make you do -- I mean, how am I supposed to know what my ""most emotionally significant moment"" was? So when my U of M acceptance came in December, I said the hell with it." -"Yeah, well my parents wanted me to go to Northwestern. I didn't want to write all those extra essays they make you do -- I mean, how am I supposed to know what my ""most emotionally significant moment"" was? So when my U of M acceptance came in December, I said the hell with it." Onions? -Onions? What? -What? You want onions? -You want onions? Oh, yeah. So what're you gonna major in? -Oh, yeah. So what're you gonna major in? Well, State's got a good business school. And I can probably walk onto the lacrosse team. Green peppers? -Well, State's got a good business school. And I can probably walk onto the lacrosse team. Green peppers? Yeah. So wow, you've got it figured out. -Yeah. So wow, you've got it figured out. Well, I mean, business is okay, and lacrosse is awesome, but what am I gonna be, a pro lacrosse player? I really have no idea. -Well, I mean, business is okay, and lacrosse is awesome, but what am I gonna be, a pro lacrosse player? I really have no idea. Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one. -Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one. Well, you're not. Oil and vinegar? -Well, you're not. Oil and vinegar? "Yeah. You know, people are always like, ""What're you gonna major in?"" And I don't know. And they're like, ""You'll figure it out."" Yeah? When?" -"Yeah. You know, people are always like, ""What're you gonna major in?"" And I don't know. And they're like, ""You'll figure it out."" Yeah? When?" I know. Salt and pepper? -I know. Salt and pepper? Sure. -So we're gonna be close next year? You -- oh, you mean -- yeah, East Lansing and Ann Arbor. -You -- oh, you mean -- yeah, East Lansing and Ann Arbor. ...yeah. -...I've got this lacrosse game. It's really important, it's our last game. And you know, Central almost beat us last time, so I really want to kick their ass, and it's like cool because we're gonna get to play at State, which means that after the game I might be able to stop by... You can't sing at the competition. -You can't sing at the competition. I'm sorry, I totally spaced. I just...I didn't realize it... -I'm sorry, I totally spaced. I just...I didn't realize it... ...it's okay, you should do whatever makes you happy. -...it's okay, you should do whatever makes you happy. Alright...yeah...thanks for understanding. So I guess...I'll see you later. -What about the game?! I'm not playing. -I'm not playing. You're missing the game for us?! -You're missing the game for us?! No. I'm missing the game for you. -There's something I've been meaning to tell you, Heather. What's that? -What's that? It's gonna sound really bad, but I want you to know. -This isn't the best way to proposition me. No, that's not what I mean. I mean -- look. You know what made me leave that game? Coach was giving this speech, about not slacking off when you see the opportunity to score. -No, that's not what I mean. I mean -- look. You know what made me leave that game? Coach was giving this speech, about not slacking off when you see the opportunity to score. This isn't any better, Chris. -This isn't any better, Chris. No, see Heather, what I realized is that...with you, it's not like I'm running towards the goal, trying to figure out the best way to score. And this may sound corny, but -- -Oz, it's okay, I know. You called me Oz. -You called me Oz. Well, that's what your friends call you. I mean...I feel like I'm one of your friends now...and also...your girlfriend. -Hmm. You know that's really a shitty middle name! I know, it sucks! -I can't think of anything to say that's not cheesy. Then don't. -Vanderbilt's not that far from U of M. Yeah right. -Yeah right. What? We both have cars. -What? We both have cars. Yeah but, no offense, you're talking about a post-high school, long- distance relationship, and you and Kevin haven't even done it yet. -Yeah but, no offense, you're talking about a post-high school, long- distance relationship, and you and Kevin haven't even done it yet. That's not why we're going out. -That's not why we're going out. What the hell are you expecting him to drive to Vanderbilt for? Milk and cookies? -What the hell are you expecting him to drive to Vanderbilt for? Milk and cookies? Jessica! He'll drive there for me, and I'll drive to Ann Arbor for him. We're going to have sex when he's ready and I'm ready. It's got to be completely perfect. I want the right place, the right time, the right moment. -Jessica! He'll drive there for me, and I'll drive to Ann Arbor for him. We're going to have sex when he's ready and I'm ready. It's got to be completely perfect. I want the right place, the right time, the right moment. Vicky, it's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex. So did you do the physics write-up? -Vicky, it's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex. So did you do the physics write-up? Please. -He likes it. Of course he does. What about you? Have you just never had one with Kevin -- or have you never had one, period? -Of course he does. What about you? Have you just never had one with Kevin -- or have you never had one, period? I think I've had one. -I think I've had one. Well that's a no. No wonder you're not psyched about sex. You've never even had one manually? -Well that's a no. No wonder you're not psyched about sex. You've never even had one manually? ...I've never tried it. -...I've never tried it. Are you kidding? You've never double- clicked your mouse? -Jessica, can you drive me home? Sure. -Ah, you'll get her back soon enough. That's easy, she likes you. What you need to do is learn to press a girl's buttons. You gotta give her what she's never had. What? -What? "I'll give you a hint. ""Ohhh, yeah, yeah!"" Comprende?" -"I'll give you a hint. ""Ohhh, yeah, yeah!"" Comprende?" You mean...and orgasm? -You mean...and orgasm? You got it, stud. -You got it, stud. Well...I'm pretty sure I've -- -Well...I'm pretty sure I've -- No you haven't. -No you haven't. But that one time -- -But that one time -- No. -No. Well of course I'd want to give her that. I mean, what do you think, I don't care about her? -Well of course I'd want to give her that. I mean, what do you think, I don't care about her? Do you? -Do you? Of course. -Of course. Do you love her? -I -- I don't know, you can't ask me that. Well, if you want to get her in the sack, tell her you love her. That's how I was duped. -Well, if you want to get her in the sack, tell her you love her. That's how I was duped. I don't want to dupe her, Jessica. If I say it, I have to be sure I mean it. -I don't want to dupe her, Jessica. If I say it, I have to be sure I mean it. Well it's up to you. The Big L, or the Big O. -No comment. No comment?! Are you kidding me?! I've never seen someone's image change so...so drastically! -No comment?! Are you kidding me?! I've never seen someone's image change so...so drastically! Thanks. It was my idea. -Thanks. It was my idea. Did you guys hook up or something? -Did you guys hook up or something? Are you kidding? No. -Are you kidding? No. Then what the hell are you talking about? -Then what the hell are you talking about? "Well...I guess it's okay for me to tell you now. That reputation of his isn't going anywhere. Finch comes to me and says, ""Jessica, I need help with this, blah blah, etcetera."" So I told him, pay me two- hundred bucks, and I'll tell a couple girls that you're dynamite in bed. So he did, and I did." -"Well...I guess it's okay for me to tell you now. That reputation of his isn't going anywhere. Finch comes to me and says, ""Jessica, I need help with this, blah blah, etcetera."" So I told him, pay me two- hundred bucks, and I'll tell a couple girls that you're dynamite in bed. So he did, and I did." I don't get it, that really works? -I don't get it, that really works? Duh. Of course. Naturally, I embellished a little bit. Hey, did you hear that Finch had sex with an older woman? -Oooh, yeah. Oh, baby, you're so good. Yeah, I'm the best, baby. -Give it to me! Yes! Oh yeah, baby, I'll give it to you. -Don't you love my sexy body?! I do, baby, I do. -You're so big! Yeah, that's right. -Fuck me! Yes! Uh... -And you said... Nothing, I just hugged her back. -Nothing, I just hugged her back. You think she was serious? -You think she was serious? "I couldn't tell -- She could've meant like, ""I love you grandma"" or ""I love you Vanderbilt.""" -There's our man. Finch, you got the Latin homework? -"Unlisted age, plus ""youthful mind,"" equals old." "No, ""Charming"" is old. ""Older"" is really old. ""Youthful mind"" is dead." -Alright...I'm shooting for a nine o'clock ETA. Beer in hand by five after. You can crash at Stifler's? -You can crash at Stifler's? It's all good. Breath check. -At least now I know what the hell they're saying. So, does my hair look better -- like this, or... like this? -What about you? You're the one with the girlfriend and you're still stranded on third base. You know, I've never got that shit. What exactly constitutes third base? -Gotta go. But -- -Ow, what the hell? Sorry, I thought you were dead. -Like a bet? No, a pact. No money involved. This is more important than any bet. Now here's the deal: We all get laid before we graduate. -That's what we are, we keep each other on track. Prior to this day, we've postured. We've procrastinated. We've pretended. We've -- well I can't think of other p-words, but we've probably done them too. Pontificated. -Pontificated. Separately, we are flawed and vulnerable. But together, we are the masters of our sexual destiny! -Separately, we are flawed and vulnerable. But together, we are the masters of our sexual destiny! Their tiger-style kung-fu is strong; but our dragon style will defeat it! -Yeah, it's like tradition or something. Right. That gives us... -Right. That gives us... Exactly three weeks to the day. -I have no idea. Finch showers in a bathing suit. No -- it's true. He is...really... big. -No -- it's true. He is...really... big. Yeah, enormous. -Hey, where's Finch? Went home to shit. -Went home to shit. I don't get it. How does a guy like that get this sudden reputation? -You can send me the address too. Well...dammit, if I'm doing this, how the hell am I gonna watch? -Well...dammit, if I'm doing this, how the hell am I gonna watch? I'll save you a seat. -Did I miss anything?! Just in time. -But, but -- what would I do? Anything! Just tell her it looks like she needs an extra hand or something. -Anything! Just tell her it looks like she needs an extra hand or something. That's stupid. -That's stupid. No, you're stupid. Get going! Right now! She's primed! -No, you're stupid. Get going! Right now! She's primed! Oh...oh...oh, shit! -Oh boy oh God oh crap oh no. Come on, Jim. Where are you? -Please, God. Let this be it. He's going in! -Holy shit. Holy shit! -Hey, minuteman. Shut up. You're supposed to be supportive. -How do you know that? She's already on a plane back home. -Yeah? Well come prom night, those excuses aren't going to do you much good. Jesus, Kevin, rub it in. -Yeeeeeeeaaaawwwwww! You fuckin' rule! -Alright, how do you guys stand? Well, Finch, I know where you are, but you can't use that as an excuse. Jim? My date's a flute-toting band dork. That answer your question? -My date's a flute-toting band dork. That answer your question? Oz, how about you and Heather? Now you guys are a couple or something? -Back out? You don't need us to get laid. You afraid or something? No, but come on guys, we made a pact! -Kevin, come on, the bus to Stifler's is gonna be here soon. I'm not going. -No, no that's fine. So you doing okay? Yeah. -What the heck is this? Nothing! -Can I come in? Yeah, sure. -Yeah, sure. You're not...busy? -You're not...busy? Dad, come in. -Okay. These are for you. From father to son. -I know, Dad. Oh, okay. Here's let me show you. -Dad! I know! Do you know about the clitoris? -Do you know about the clitoris? Yes dad. -Yes dad. Sometimes it can be pretty hard to locate. -Sometimes it can be pretty hard to locate. Thank you, dad, I got it. -Thank you, dad, I got it. Okay, well that about covers it. -Jim? It's not what it looks like! -Dad, please stop. Please. I'm sure I know what you're talking about. Sure you know, son, but I think you've been having a little problem with it. It's okay, though. What you're doing is perfectly normal. It's like practice. Like when you play tennis against a wall. Some day, there'll be a partner returning the ball. You do want a partner, don't you son? -Sure you know, son, but I think you've been having a little problem with it. It's okay, though. What you're doing is perfectly normal. It's like practice. Like when you play tennis against a wall. Some day, there'll be a partner returning the ball. You do want a partner, don't you son? Yes. -Yes. "That's great. Now remember, it's okay to play with yourself. Or, as I always called it -- ""Stroke the salami!"" Ho-ho, Jim. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, I'm fifty-two, and I still enjoy masturbating. Uncle Mort masturbates. We all masturbate." -Son. This lady's here for you. I know. Hey Nadia. -Dad. Oh, no, not too much of a bookworm. He's a good little kid. Er, guy. Man. -Oh, no, not too much of a bookworm. He's a good little kid. Er, guy. Man. Dad!! -Dad!! Okay, okay. I'll let you hit those books. -Hold on. You have no idea why I'm angry? Is it because we have a test tomorrow? Sometimes I get cranky when I know I have a big test to study for. -Is it because we have a test tomorrow? Sometimes I get cranky when I know I have a big test to study for. Yeah, that's pretty much it. -Yeah, that's pretty much it. I thought so. Because, one time? I was at this -- -I thought so. Because, one time? I was at this -- What was your name again? -What was your name again? Michelle. -Michelle. Okay. Michelle, do you want to be my date for the prom? -Okay. Michelle, do you want to be my date for the prom? Really? You seriously want to go with me? -Really? You seriously want to go with me? Yes. Seriously. -Yes. Seriously. Are we going to Steve Stifler's party afterwards? That would be so cool. -Are we going to Steve Stifler's party afterwards? That would be so cool. Whatever you want. -Whatever you want. Cool! We're gonna have so much fun! It's like this one time, at band camp... -You know, at band camp? We have dances like this. Only they're way funner. Don't you think prom is just highly overrated? Highly, highly overrated. -Stifler's mom got it in the divorce. It reminds me of this one time -- Hey, can I ask you a question? How come you don't have any stories? I've got lots of stories, and you don't have any. -It reminds me of this one time -- Hey, can I ask you a question? How come you don't have any stories? I've got lots of stories, and you don't have any. Oh, I've got stories, believe me. They're a little more risque than tales of Band Camp. -Oh, I've got stories, believe me. They're a little more risque than tales of Band Camp. Are they gross or something, like guy stuff? Tell me. -Are they gross or something, like guy stuff? Tell me. Okay. You want a story? Here's a story. Stifler finds this beer, right? And... -That is a nasty story! I told you. -I told you. You wanna hear a nasty story of mine? It's kind of sexual. -Yeah, bring it on! Well, this one time? At band camp? We were playing this game, I don't know if you know it? But it's called spin the bottle? And I had to kiss this guy named Marc Wander on the lips? And... -So, the end of the story is...you had to kiss the guy for twenty seconds? Yes! And he was such a dork! And everyone laughed at me, but I didn't care? Because it was so funny! -Yes! And he was such a dork! And everyone laughed at me, but I didn't care? Because it was so funny! Okay, I get it. -Okay, I get it. Oh! And then this one time? At band camp? I stuck a flute in my pussy. -...excuse me?! What, you think I don't know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is! Sex ed! -This'll do. Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both, it'll desensitize you. I don't want you coming so damn early. -Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both, it'll desensitize you. I don't want you coming so damn early. Why, uh, what makes you think that I -- -Why, uh, what makes you think that I -- Come on. I saw you on the net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing! -Are you gonna do what I think you're gonna do? Don't you want me to? -Don't you want me to? Oh yeah! Put it in your mouth! -Oh yeah! Put it in your mouth! Okay! -Illegal channels? Shit, if there's any channel that should be illegal, it's whatever that women's channel is. Lifetime Supply of Pantyhose, or some shit. Yeah -- hey, did you see The Little Mermaid on TV the other night? That Ariel, whew. -Yeah -- hey, did you see The Little Mermaid on TV the other night? That Ariel, whew. She's a mermaid, dude. -She's a mermaid, dude. Yeah, Oz, but not when she's on land. -Yeah, Oz, but not when she's on land. She's a cartoon, dude. -She's a cartoon, dude. A hot cartoon. -A hot cartoon. Is there anything you don't jerk off to? -Is there anything you don't jerk off to? C-Span? -You guys got the Latin homework? No -- Kevin, you? -"Ooh, here's an easy one: ""Attractive SWF, fun loving and a youthful mind seeks outgoing companion."" Okay...""Attractive""...ugly." """Fun loving"" -- insane." -This was remade? Into what? Bli-hinded by the light -- cut loose like a deuce, another runner in the night, blinded... -Who cares? Nadia does, that Czechoslovakian chick, she might be there tonight. Now, do you think she'd prefer -- Cool Hip Jim... or Laid Back Jim? -Shortstop. 'Course, you don't make it to third, and you're out. So let's say you get there...what's uh, third base feel like? -Feels like warm apple pie, dude. Apple pie... McDonald's or homemade? -Hey, you did better than I did, Nova. Oh that's really reassuring. And don't call me Nova anymore. I'm a fraud. -Hey guys, you came to watch me in action? Yeah, I think you sounded pretty good. -You can do that? Oh -- no way. I can't do that to her. -You've still got a chance with Nadia, right? No. Her sponsors here saw the thing on the net. I don't think they liked it. -I still think you're okay. So do I, Kev. -There it is. I want to grab my bag. Oh, and my date. Come on, Kevin. Vicky's looking for you. -I'll just say that we had a great night together. Hang in there, buddy, you'll get there. -Hang in there, buddy, you'll get there. I know. -It's true. I mean, after this, everything'll be different. After getting laid? -After getting laid? After high school. -What's up, fellas? Hey Sherman. Scopin' the babes. -Hey Sherman. Scopin' the babes. Indeed. Some fine ladies here, boys. Confidence is high, repeat, confidence is high. Sherman is moving to DefCon Two, full strategic arsenal ready for deployment. -Indeed. Some fine ladies here, boys. Confidence is high, repeat, confidence is high. Sherman is moving to DefCon Two, full strategic arsenal ready for deployment. You've got something going? -You've got something going? Did you see that Central chick? Brunette? -You did it. Fellas, say goodbye to Chuck Sherman, the boy. I am now a man. -Yes. I thought so. -No...you...go...ahead. Okay. -You are very good in the world history class, yes? Me? -Yes. No. Yes. Perhaps you can help me with my studies? -Okay...that would be cool sometime. How 'bout tomorrow? Well, I do have ballet practice. Perhaps I can come by your house afterwards. I can change clothes at your place? -Well, I do have ballet practice. Perhaps I can come by your house afterwards. I can change clothes at your place? I suppose that would be okay. -So you need to change, right? Do you mind? This fabric is so uncomfortable. -James! You have come in here on purpose?! Well...uh... -Well...uh... Shame on you! -Shame on you! Uh...yeah...sorry. -Uh...yeah...sorry. Well. You have seen me. Now it is my turn to see you. Strip. -Well. You have seen me. Now it is my turn to see you. Strip. Strip? -Strip? Yes, slowly. -You mean like, strip strip? For me? -Uh... Move with the music. -Move with the music. Um...okay... -No, no, you must put your whole body into it. Nadia, I can't -- -Nadia, I can't -- Can't what? Do you not want to be with me? I wish to be entertained, James. -Jim... Oh no. -You are done, James. Perhaps I should be going now. No, no, I'm not done! I've got reserves! Nadia, please please please. I'm begging you. -Did you see this? This is your more exotic dirty magazine. Yes...James, it is knowing that these beautiful women arouse you that arouses me... -Yes...James, it is knowing that these beautiful women arouse you that arouses me... Oh yes. Very arousing women. They arouse me very much. But not as arousing as you. -No, not again. I am sorry, Jim. I suppose we will not be doing any studying now. -I am sorry, Jim. I suppose we will not be doing any studying now. No! I've got...reserve reserves! -Stifler, you're such an asshole. Meyers, what's the deal with you and Vicky, anyway? You've been going out since Homecoming and all she'll do is blow you? Shit, I'd drop her like a steaming turd. -SUCK ME, BEAUTIFUL! God dammit, Stifler! -God dammit, Stifler! Check-out time! Please vacate the room. -Ho-lee shit. This just got a hell of a lot better. -Kevin! You seen Shitbreak lately? Oh no, Stifler, what did you do? -Oh no, Stifler, what did you do? Me? Nothing. I'm the one whose ass he kicked. I'll tell you one thing, though. I don't think he's gonna have a problem shitting in school anymore. -It's a big, thick envelope, Vicky. You got in. You think so? -"""Dear Ms. Hughes. We're sorry, but after keeping you on the wait list for the past couple months, we've decided you are now rejected. Enclosed is a 100-page, full-color brochure on how rejected you are.""" Kevin, this is serious! -Kevin, this is serious! You got in. -Oh, Kev. Vicky -- do you think, maybe...it's time for us to take the next step in our relationship? -Vicky -- do you think, maybe...it's time for us to take the next step in our relationship? Tonight? -Tonight? Yeah, it's such a perfect evening. Isn't this how you've always pictured it? -Let me know. Okay, don't stop. -Vicky, wait. Not for you. -I was being selfish. And majorly insensitive. And I'm a total idiot. "I think ""shithead"" really says it." -"I think ""shithead"" really says it." Yes! I'm a shithead! I'm a complete and total shithead! -And I want to try to make it up to you. How? -Oh...ungghhhhh! Shhhh. Your parents are downstairs. -Oh Kevin -- don't stop! Just a second! -You're not doing the extra credit problems. No, I'm not. I'm writing a sequence of random numbers that look like I'm doing the extra credit problems. Mr. Bender doesn't bother to check homework past April. -No, I'm not. I'm writing a sequence of random numbers that look like I'm doing the extra credit problems. Mr. Bender doesn't bother to check homework past April. That's my trick! -That's my trick! It's everyone's trick, Kevin. But I did pick it up from you. -We've come a long way since Homecoming. Yeah, we have. You corrupted my four- point into a three-nine-five. -Yeah, we have. You corrupted my four- point into a three-nine-five. Indeed I did. But, our relationship. It's progressed a lot. It's time for us to...express ourselves in new ways. -Like how? Well, I feel that...things are getting to that point in a relationship. When two people share...a special moment between them. -Well, I feel that...things are getting to that point in a relationship. When two people share...a special moment between them. I think you're so right, Kevin. -I think you're so right, Kevin. You want to do it? -You want to do it? Yes -- -Kevin? Do you not love me? No, I don't not love you. I like, I know that we've definitely got something between us. Something good. Something special. -No, I don't not love you. I like, I know that we've definitely got something between us. Something good. Something special. But you don't love me. -But you don't love me. "I didn't say that. I mean, love, it's like a term that gets thrown around. People say things, they get married, have kids, and then what? It's like they call it off, going ""I was wrong.""" -Kevin...you're not your dad. The two of us, we're not your parents. I know, Vick. I'm just not ready yet, okay? -I know, Vick. I'm just not ready yet, okay? Okay. -Hey... Did you know that it's...450 miles from Ann Arbor to Nashville? -Did you know that it's...450 miles from Ann Arbor to Nashville? It's like a six or seven hour drive. That's easy, I don't mind driving. -About the other day...I've been thinking. So have I. And I know you want to make things perfect for me. And I understand that you really wouldn't tell me that until you were 100% comfortable with it. -And I want to make things perfect for you. You're right, Kev, we do have something good...and special. Yeah, we have something great, Vick. -Yeah, we have something great, Vick. Kevin... I want to have sex with you. -Now?! No...I know the perfect time... -See -- this is the nicest room. Wow, Kev...it's perfect. -You comfortable? Yeah, are you? -Yeah, are you? Yeah. -You sure you're comfortable? Yeah. Are you sure? -Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. -Yeah. Me too. -Me too. Okay. Did you bring a condom? -Okay. Did you bring a condom? Yeah, right here. -So, do you want to be -- I mean, how do you want to do it? I don't know. How do you? -I don't know. How do you? Like, normal style. The...missionary position. -Like, normal style. The...missionary position. Okay. -Yeah Vick? I want to hear you say it. -I want to hear you say it. Okay. -Victoria...I love you. I love you. -That was a great night. Yeah. -I can't believe we just had our senior prom. Yeah, the time went by so fast. -Yeah, the time went by so fast. It did. -Kevin, next year...with you in Ann Arbor, and me in Nashville...it's not gonna work, is it. Don't say that, we can do it somehow. It might not be perfect, but -- -Don't say that, we can do it somehow. It might not be perfect, but -- No, Kevin -- That's the whole thing, that's what I've been realizing. That nothing's perfect, that you can't plan everything. -Vicky...last night...I wasn't lying. I know. Let's go. Don't you have something to tell your friends? -I know. Let's go. Don't you have something to tell your friends? What? -What? Your little pact. Jessica told me all about it. Way to go, Kev! -You called me to ask me how to get laid? What was I gonna do, call dad? I don't even know his number. -What was I gonna do, call dad? I don't even know his number. Just dial 976-Asshole. -Just dial 976-Asshole. Yeah, well anyway...I thought you might have some advice, brother to brother. I mean, I think tonight she might, we might really, there's a chance that -- you know. -Yeah, well anyway...I thought you might have some advice, brother to brother. I mean, I think tonight she might, we might really, there's a chance that -- you know. Have you ever heard of the bible? -Have you ever heard of the bible? What? Not the Bible? -What? Not the Bible? Well, that's not really the name, but we always called it that. -Well, that's not really the name, but we always called it that. Does it tell me how to get laid? -Does it tell me how to get laid? You know what, nevermind. You're not ready. -You know what, nevermind. You're not ready. Ready for what? -Ready for what? Whoop, you're fading out. Good luck at that party. -Say that again, Kevin? Uh...I thought you might know a trick or something. To make her, you know... -Try the spicy tuna hand roll. What?! How do I do that? -What?! How do I do that? Uh -- forget that. Look, is that all you're interested in? Ways to get your girlfriend into bed? -Uh -- forget that. Look, is that all you're interested in? Ways to get your girlfriend into bed? Well, no. I think...I guess it would be good to be able to return the favor. I mean, it would be nice to know she enjoys things as much as I do. -Well, no. I think...I guess it would be good to be able to return the favor. I mean, it would be nice to know she enjoys things as much as I do. That's good, that's what I needed to hear. Now you qualify. -That's good, that's what I needed to hear. Now you qualify. Qualify for what? -Qualify for what? You've just inherited The Bible. -Hey. I got another question for you. What's that? -Then she said -- she loves me. Oh shit dude, the L-word! -You ever hear of something called The Bible? Once, in church, dude. -Dude, I wish you wouldn't do that. You got something up your sleeve for tonight, Finch? -And little hurly-burly came by in her curly-wurly, and asked me if I needed I ri-hide -- How the hell do you know all these random songs? -How the hell do you know all these random songs? It's early Springsteen, dude, this is classic. This was before the cheesy remake. -Contact, dude. Then where does a blowjob figure in? -Feeling better, Oz? I'm such a loser. -I'm such a loser. That's the spirit. -I put in months of quality time with Vicky. Sherman meets a chick for one night and scores? This is just wrong. No shit, I'm never gonna get laid. How the hell am I gonna become this Mr. Sensitive Man? -Dude, it's not like I haven't been trying to get laid. This is different. This is better. Think of when you're working out, Oz. You need a partner, someone to spot you. Someone to keep you motivated. -The Sha-lin masters from east and west must unite! Guys, guys -- you're ruining my fucking moment here. Now think about it -- -So, I'm thinking prom is basically our last big chance. Dude, prom sucks. -Dude, prom sucks. I know, but think about it -- At the parties that night. Chicks are gonna want to do it. -So does your tongue cramp up? Nah, you get kind of dizzy though. -What reputation? Observe. -Okay, explain. I can't, I have no idea how he's doing it. And that leaves you trailing, Jim. You gotta get your act together. -Dammit, Kevin, what's with the attitude? Attitude? Me? I think that you guys should be more enthusiastic. Shit, we've been trying to get laid forever, and tonight's the night we've been waiting for. We're in this together. Don't back out on me now! -Kevin, it was just a -- It was a pact. You break it and there are no excuses. You guys have to -- -...Guess what? I don't care. -And by the way, Sherman didn't even get laid. He didn't? -I guess we'll call you two-ply. Yeah. So you want double condiments on that? -Wow. You two really have something going, don't you? I think we're falling in love. -Yeah, but we'll still see each other. Fuck yeah we will. -NOVA!! Stifler!! -You coming to party tonight, Ostreicher, ya fuckface? Depends if my date wants to stop by. -Depends if my date wants to stop by. That junior chick? -That junior chick? Nah, gave her the Heisman. I'm working on something new. -Nah, gave her the Heisman. I'm working on something new. Yeah right. I got an idea for something new. How 'bout you guys actually locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fuckin' use 'em. -Yeah right. I got an idea for something new. How 'bout you guys actually locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fuckin' use 'em. Dude, it's gotta happen -- she's a college chick! -Dude, it's gotta happen -- she's a college chick! Bullshit. From where? -Bullshit. From where? She works part-time at my dad's store. -She works part-time at my dad's store. Hah! Yeah, Oz, I bet it's more like your dad works at her store. -Hah! Yeah, Oz, I bet it's more like your dad works at her store. Dude, he does not. -You actually said that?! Haaaah!! Shut the fuck up. -I think you need your balls reattached. Keep it down, dude. -Keep it down, dude. What the fuck are you doing here? -What the fuck are you doing here? This place is an untapped resource. Check it out, dude, these vocal jazz girls are hot. -You dipshit, you're expecting to score with some goody-goody choir-girl priss? Dude, watch me work. They go for sensitive studs like me. -Yeah! Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo. -Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo. Stifler, fuck -- ...man, you don't have to be so insensitive. -Hey, you know, what can I say, I dig those cute little sweaters she wears. I'll bet you do, you little horndog, she's givin' you fuckin' stiffies, right? -Oh my fucking God. You're gay. Come on, you know the words, sing along. -Come on, you know the words, sing along. No thanks, you've been singing that shit all week. If you try that at MSU this Saturday, I'm pretending I don't know you. -Our last game is this Saturday. No shit. -God, I can't believe there are so many cool people at this party. Yep. -Here, babe. Thanks. -Really? Uh huh. -I don't know if I want to be doing this. Doing what? -You know. If we hook up, tomorrow I'll just be some girl you go telling all your friends about. No way. -Hanging is nice. Never goes out of style. What about hare-kare - a taste of the Orient? But no! You're in Paris! Try the Guillotine! There's one in the Louvre! I'd use pills. They're painless. -I'd use pills. They're painless. Oh give me a break! He could use pills back in America! Why not get a little culture? -Let's face it. It's a, how do you say... mother-fucker. But we're all in it together. That's why we're trying to help you. Exactly. -Merde! Just missed! Uhh! Would you die already! -Geez, I feel bad for him. Maybe we should've told him abou - Are you crazy!? You know that's totally impractical. Besides, like the Bible says... An eye for an eye... -Look, the more you think about it, the harder it is. Just like sex with my wife. -Just like sex with my wife. The key is don't look down. -The key is don't look down. Also like sex with my wife. -Also like sex with my wife. Would you shut up? -Tell you what, we'll jump together. Sure. We wouldn't ask you to do anything we wouldn't do. Now give me your hand... that's it... -Merde! I can't believe this! You try to be a good sport, and look what happens. -I mean, if by some miracle you can find the werewolf that bit you, and then manage to eat it's heart, the curse is lifted. I was gonna tell you but Marcel wouldn't let me. Oh sure, it was all mean old Marcel's idea. Give me a break! We didn't tell you because it's a wild goose chase! Not to mention disgusting. Look... -Either way works for us... But you better hurry. -Actually, I'm waiting for someone. What a coincidence, I am someone! Mmm. Calvin Klein's Obsession. Now it's mine too. -God. How can you eat like that? It's all in the tongue. Another bottle? -Wow. You know Kung Fu or something? Yeah. Apparently. -Ha ha. You were probably right about his mom. Hope I didn't hurt him too bad. -Hope I didn't hurt him too bad. Who gives a shit? I've had it up to here with arrogant Frenchmen. -Who gives a shit? I've had it up to here with arrogant Frenchmen. Up to there? Really? I bet I could beat that. -Up to there? Really? I bet I could beat that. Ha ha! Yeah right, white boy! Ha Ha ha. I think maybe I drank too much. -Ha ha! Yeah right, white boy! Ha Ha ha. I think maybe I drank too much. Ah. The mating call of the blonde. The night is young, the moon is bright, whataya feel like doing tonight? -Ah. The mating call of the blonde. The night is young, the moon is bright, whataya feel like doing tonight? I don't know... Surprise me. -Ahh! Jesus! You're burning hot! What the hell - AHHHHHHH! -Thanks for the lovely evening, shithead! Aaaaa! Jesus! This isn't happening. I'm still hallucinating. Shit! -Face it boyfriend. This is really happening. No it isn't! You're dead! -Okay... dead or undead... what do you want from me? A-duh... You're a werewolf. And we, as your victims, have to walk the earth until your curse is lifted. -A-duh... You're a werewolf. And we, as your victims, have to walk the earth until your curse is lifted. Uh huh... And, supposing I believed that, what could I do about it? -Look, I didn't mean to hurt anybody... God, I didn't mean to... to... Rip my face off? Hey, we all make mistakes. Hell, I didn't mean to sleep with you on the first night, especially without a condom. But I did, and now I'm paying the price. -Hey, you can't kick me! You're an apparition! What, all of a sudden you got a degree in supernatural law? -Ha-ha! Oh, big man. You can beat up a couple of cadavers. Well let me make something real clear, asshole. If you don't kill yourself, at midnight tonight you're gonna transform and murder innocent people! -Oh fuck, you are his nephew... Yeah, that's the word. And you are? -Yeah, that's the word. And you are? Serafine Flocquet. I work for your uncle. -Serafine Flocquet. I work for your uncle. You? You're Madame Flocquet? I pictured a fat lady with an apron, not - I don't know - La Femme Nikita. -Sure. I can follow that. It's a fucking nightmare, isn't it? -It's a fucking nightmare, isn't it? Yeah. True. The cops weren't much help either. Their theory is he was moonlighting as a drug dealer or something. Make sense to you? -Yeah. True. The cops weren't much help either. Their theory is he was moonlighting as a drug dealer or something. Make sense to you? Police. They have their head in their asshole and they still can't find shit. -Police. They have their head in their asshole and they still can't find shit. Well put. So, what exactly has uncle Terrence been up to lately? -Salots! Shitfucker! What? -What? If you leave it for more than a few minutes it locks up. Now I must reboot and type a dozen fucking passwords. He was security crazy. -You must not have known him very well. He's not like that. Hey, Sorry if I was out of line. -Hey, Sorry if I was out of line. You were. I have work to do. The publisher wants the transcripts by Monday. Go. Make yourself at home. -You were. I have work to do. The publisher wants the transcripts by Monday. Go. Make yourself at home. Fine. My mistake. You know, I'm gonna be a writer myself some day. -Fine. My mistake. You know, I'm gonna be a writer myself some day. Uh-huh. Good for you. -Medusa... What's this? some kind of club? It's nothing. A stupid party. Not really a night club, it's, uh... -It's nothing. A stupid party. Not really a night club, it's, uh... Like an underground club? -Like an underground club? Yes. It's a bad place. Weird people. Strange things go on. -Yes. It's a bad place. Weird people. Strange things go on. And who's Claude? -Professor Claude Rousel. The one your uncle was working with. He teaches cultural history. In an underground club? I'd like to see that. -I'm serious. There's nothing for you down there. It's dangerous. "Come on. I'm from New York - the ""shoot me"" state. Don't wait up." -What good can you do? Why are you being so fucking stupid? Maybe I didn't know him like you did. But he's my uncle. And I owe it to him to get some answers. It's a quest like, uh, Hemingway, the Old Man and The Sea. Except instead of an old man I'm a young man, and instead of the sea, it's a bunch of tunnels under Paris. And instead of a big fish it's... who knows? That's what I'm going to find out. Au revoir. -Wait a second, are you like the Steven King of France or something... Andy! -So you came after all. Just in time, it's getting interesting. You must get out of here. It's not safe. -Andy! Holy shit! Serafine...? -Thank God! What a relief! I thought... After you disappeared... I couldn't find you... I thought all sorts of horrible things... Yeah... Ditto. I saw, er, I thought I saw you get munched... like Uncle Terrence... -What happened? Did you cut yourself? Um... sort of... Maybe... It's all kind of blurry. We met at the club, then... Damn, that was some weird shit. -You have to be a hero. All Americans think they are cowboys. I was an Indian, actually. Man, that damn psycho paint...! If that's supposed to be mild, I don't want to know about medium. The planet earth. It's good to be back. -I was an Indian, actually. Man, that damn psycho paint...! If that's supposed to be mild, I don't want to know about medium. The planet earth. It's good to be back. So... you feel okay now? -Fan-fucking-tastic? Hey, what more could I want? I survived my first and last hallucinogenic hellride, and neither of us is dead. I'd say I feel almost as great as you look. -Come on Serafine. Let's go out. Show me the real Paris, the part that isn't overpriced and overrun with German tourists. Go to Jim Morrison's grave at Pere Lachaise. It's overrun with American tourists. I have to work. -Go to Jim Morrison's grave at Pere Lachaise. It's overrun with American tourists. I have to work. I know! Let's go hock loogies off the Eiffel Tower! -What about food? Even beautiful women have to eat. It's true. I read it. Please? A half an hour? My treat? Pleez! Don't make go out there alone again! I'm begging you! Okay. But I'm back in half an hour. -What about your glasses? It's okay. I can see fine. -Don't you want to change? Man! Our first date and already you're trying to get me to change! You French women work quick! -Shit! You bought enough pate for a fucking army! So tell me, exactly which truck driver did you study English with? -Like I should talk. Monsieur foot-in- the-mouth. I'm really sorry about that whole Woody Allen thing... So's Woody Allen. No, your uncle really helped me. I was sort of messed up for a while. Wasting my time just partying and... just stupid shit. He kind of woke me up, gave me a job, got me taking classes. You know, he and Claude, their work is controversial, but they're serious about it. Totally dedicated. -So's Woody Allen. No, your uncle really helped me. I was sort of messed up for a while. Wasting my time just partying and... just stupid shit. He kind of woke me up, gave me a job, got me taking classes. You know, he and Claude, their work is controversial, but they're serious about it. Totally dedicated. That's what counts. If you're not passionate about it, don't waste your time. That's why I quit college... Plus I'm a lazy bastard. Wait, I know this... A votre sante. -That's what counts. If you're not passionate about it, don't waste your time. That's why I quit college... Plus I'm a lazy bastard. Wait, I know this... A votre sante. A la votre. -This looks familiar... Ahh, Rodin. Mmm! He's the fuc- I mean, he's the best. You must go to the Rodin sculpture garden, in the huitieme, it's so beautiful. -Serafine... I'll be right back. Stay put. -Fixing your makeup with a phone, huh? Who the fuck are you calling? Professor Roussel. There's something wrong with you. I know it. -Professor Roussel. There's something wrong with you. I know it. Roussel? You mean Claude? You're calling Dr. Demento so he can come paint my face again? Fuck that. -Hello? Are you okay? -Are you okay? No, I don't think so... I was having a nightmare. Wait a second... -No, I don't think so... I was having a nightmare. Wait a second... Where did you go last night? What did you do? -Where did you go last night? What did you do? I don't... I... I can't remember... -I don't... I... I can't remember... Listen, I'm coming over. Don't go anywhere. Stay right there. -I'm not alright. We both know that. The only reason I'm here now is to warn you. You're still in danger. Gaston told me that Claude has got the curse too. He's a werewolf. I know. He told me. -I know. He told me. What?! He told you? When? -You two faced bastard. I knew you were full of shit. Andy! No! -Because, Andy. It's a cure. A cure? -Andy... I should never have let you go underground. I'm sorry... I had to be a damn Hemingway hero. Well I'll tell ya, the old man and the sea didn't go through half this shit. -What makes you so sure this will work? I told you. He already tried to contact me once. If you saw his face... He was desperate to tell me something. I owe him this. -I told you. He already tried to contact me once. If you saw his face... He was desperate to tell me something. I owe him this. I don't know... -I don't know... Listen, either he wastes away as a pathetic vegetable or he can give what's left of his life to save hundreds of potential victims. He's a McDermott. I know what his choice would be. -Listen, either he wastes away as a pathetic vegetable or he can give what's left of his life to save hundreds of potential victims. He's a McDermott. I know what his choice would be. I suppose you're right. But I still don't like it. -They're coming! Shit. What have I done? Stall them! I'll meet you out back. -I saw him. Just before those bastards zapped him back. The ADM is in the wine cellar, in a bottle of Chateau Margaux. I didn't know he had a wine cellar. -I didn't know he had a wine cellar. Guess that's why he hid it there. Let's go. -Are you crazy!? Before Hemingway, there was Starsky and Hutch. -What the fuck!? You too!? I... I didn't think you would... I'm sorry... I believed that son-of-a- bitch... -I hope they fucking fry us all. Yeah. French fries... -Holy mother of God... Fuck me... -Andy?... What? What is it? Andy... are you okay? It was you... That night in the tunnels. You. You did this to me. -It was you... That night in the tunnels. You. You did this to me. No I.... Andy, you can't be sure. -No I.... Andy, you can't be sure. That's the scar where I stabbed you! Oh God... You deliberately took me down there so you could... God, I can't believe it! -You made me go there. I tried to stop you! You wouldn't listen! What was I? Your idea of a fuckin' hors d'oeuvre? Huh? -What was I? Your idea of a fuckin' hors d'oeuvre? Huh? Shut up! You fucking shut up! What do you want? Huh? What the hell do you want? -Here! Come on! Do it! Go ahead. What...? -What...? You know what. Kill me. Cut out my fucking heart. Go on! Do it! -We don't both have to die. I couldn't do it. Not to you. -We can't stop him. Not now. Handcuffed, with no kind of weapons. Please Andy... No. We have to try. We'll figure something out. And if midnight comes before we can get to him, well, then we go together. Deal? Shake a paw? -I know where he'll go. Where? -Where? Somewhere where there are no police, and plenty to eat. -Didn't even have to ask. All your weapons, on the floor! Now! -No wonder he let her go. Really. -God. I can't believe it. What? -What? It's making me hungry. -What does it say? """Stop! Beyond this passage lie the catacombs of Paris: the exclusive domain of the dead.""" -Whoa... After the revolution, the Paris cemeteries overflowed. They dug up all the old bodies and brought them here. Seven million people. Mostly very poor. -After the revolution, the Paris cemeteries overflowed. They dug up all the old bodies and brought them here. Seven million people. Mostly very poor. Pretty stylish digs for a bunch of paupers. -Pretty stylish digs for a bunch of paupers. Well, they are French. -Well, they are French. Right. -These tunnels must loop around and connect. Let's go from both ends. We'll cut him off. -Okay. Be careful. You too. -Oh God. Shit... Andy... -Hey! You shouldn't be down there! FOR GOD'S SAKES, LET ME OUT!! -GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!! """Fuck""? You think I don't know this word ""fuck""? Is that how you talk to policemen in America?" -Okay, what the hell are you up to? It bit me! My leg! Jesus, it's down there, shoot it! Shoot it for Christ's sakes! -There's something down there! A bear or something! A god damn monster! Beau coup teeth! Huge, Grande, with yellow eyes, all this hair, it killed Serafine! My God... You on drugs? Huh? -You on drugs? Huh? No... I... -Pull over! Now! Shit! -It's you. You should be dead in that wreck with Bazin and Racine! Shhh! Be quiet, man! We're not alone - -Shhh! Be quiet, man! We're not alone - Shut up! Save your stories. The only thing I want to hear is you begging for your life. I want to see you suffer, like they did. Haha! You're scared now, eh? Come on. Where's the scary monster now huh? Ha ha... We'll see who - -In Paris we have an expression for people like you: Enculé d'Americain. Yeah? In New York we got an expression too. Goes like this... -Where's the ADM? Where did your uncle put it? Man, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. -Man, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Bullshit! Your uncle told you! -Bullshit! Your uncle told you! My uncle's in a coma you moron! -My uncle's in a coma you moron! Before the coma! -Before the coma! He didn't tell me anything. All he said was Saint Severin... -Saint Severin? The church? So you know all about the ADM! Where is it! Tell me! Tell me or else! Or else what? You'll kill me? -Or else what? You'll kill me? No. But I'll kill your fucking girlfriend! -No. But I'll kill your fucking girlfriend! You'll never get the chance. -Don't be an idiot! I'm not the only one. If I die, Serafine dies! Bullshit! You're bluffing! -Bullshit! You're bluffing! What, you think Claude hangs out underground cause he likes to dance? -Claude...? And you call me a moron... -The ADM. Let's go. Yeah, okay. Just gimme a minute to freshen up. -So, if you and the nutty professor are both werewolves, what do you want with drugs? You like seeing lots of pretty colors when you're tearing people's throats out? If you know about the church, why ask such stupid questions? -What's the problem? Hey, I'm new here, what do you want? -Do you think I'm an idiot? Sure. Don't you? -Another step and he's dead! Go ahead Serafine. Blow him away. -You bastard! God! I should've known. You wanted the cure all for yourself! Cure!? Ha-ha-ha! -Ha. Some wonder drug... Why isn't it doing anything!? -Nothing's happening! Looks like he lied to you too. -You recognize her? What?! -We know you were with her. Oh shit... No... -Oh shit... No... That's not all... Marcel - Officer Boulard was following you. -That's not all... Marcel - Officer Boulard was following you. Oh no... no.... -He was a good man. Now his wife is a widow. This is... it's like a sick joke, I - -Merde... Wait here. When I return you tell me about last night, huh? But... I don't remember anything, I swear... -But... I don't remember anything, I swear... I leave these open. Maybe something comes back to you. -I always wanted to do that. I saw it in a movie. What about me? -What about me? My men think you died and floated away in the Seine. If I wanted to, I could let them believe that. But that would be illegal... -I'm sorry my friend, I'm not signing books right now. There's been a tragedy. I know. I'm Andy McDermott. Terrence's nephew. -It's horrible. Terrence was one of the most brilliant men I've known. Yeah, well, why did he hang out here? The cops said it's dangerous - -Yeah, well, why did he hang out here? The cops said it's dangerous - The cops. It's their backward laws that force all this underground in the first place, endangering people whose only crime is pushing the limits of perception, exploring new states of psychic awareness. -Psychic awareness. Right. You think it's silly. But do you realize that young man is actually in a deep sleep? -You think it's silly. But do you realize that young man is actually in a deep sleep? What? -What? "He's on a new drug called ZBH, or ""Daydream"". It allows the user to be fully alert and mobile while he's dreaming. He is literally conscious and unconscious at the same time." -"He's on a new drug called ZBH, or ""Daydream"". It allows the user to be fully alert and mobile while he's dreaming. He is literally conscious and unconscious at the same time." Yeah well, that's like really groovy and everything, but who hacked my uncle's legs off? -Andy... Yeah? -Yeah? Terrence and I came down here to do serious work. For centuries these tunnels have been home to subcultures mainstream society would not tolerate. -You didn't know? But then why did you... well, don't worry. It's relatively mild. Yeah, well if I claw my face off, just pack it in ice, okay? Jesus... the cops were probably right. My uncle was messed up with a bunch of fry brains and they went berserk on him. -Not you too - My God! Serafine's right. It's time to go. We'll talk soon. -You're exactly right, Andy. I enlisted both Serafine and your uncle to obtain ADM. And now I'm counting on your assistance too. Why the fuck would I do that? -"""Simon ate of the heart of the beast and his soul was cleansed."" These pictures are not just myth, Andy. The scholars of the day used them to record facts and enlighten the public. This is the medieval version of a newspaper." Yeah, well what if it's the Weekly World News... -I don't believe we've been introduced. What?... Oh, right, you can see these guys too. Jesus... -Great. Later on we'll have to get together for cocktails. Right now I kinda have to hurry before I grow a lot of hair and eat people. Say this heart thing works. What's it got to do with ADM? It's chemistry, Andy. Nothing more. Mutated antigens concentrated in the heart of the infector unlock a vaccine- like chain reaction in the infectee. There were not many bio-chemists working in the twelfth century, but with today's technology it's possible to synthesize any chemical imaginable. When I discovered this ancient cure I knew who to go to. -It's chemistry, Andy. Nothing more. Mutated antigens concentrated in the heart of the infector unlock a vaccine- like chain reaction in the infectee. There were not many bio-chemists working in the twelfth century, but with today's technology it's possible to synthesize any chemical imaginable. When I discovered this ancient cure I knew who to go to. Uncle Terrence. -Uncle Terrence. Yes. I was able to decode the old texts and give Terrence the specifications. It took a lot of trial and error, but finally he got it: Adenine Di-Methyloxide. ADM. I call it ADAM. But just before he was attacked, he hid it... -Yes. I was able to decode the old texts and give Terrence the specifications. It took a lot of trial and error, but finally he got it: Adenine Di-Methyloxide. ADM. I call it ADAM. But just before he was attacked, he hid it... Because Gaston was after it. -Because Gaston was after it. Yes, that sociopath. He's given himself over to the evil of lycanthropy. To him, ADAM is just a threat to the terror he holds over others. To us, it's salvation. -Eight o'clock. Shit. You'd think my uncle would have left a clue, a note, something... That's what Serafine is searching for. Without much luck, I'm afraid. If only we could speak with him. But alas, he's off in another realm, close to death. -It killed him... You coulda just used Draino. It's cheaper. I told him it wasn't ready... -All my life I've worked to unlock the power of the unconscious mind. Well this is it. This is power! You sure it's not just 'coz you jerk off too much? -Uncle Terrence? Andy? Andy is that you? -Andy? Andy is that you? Yeah. Look, uncle Terrence - -Andy, I have to tell you about the dream I had - or that I'm still having - it feels like a systemic, physio- tropic reaction to some drug, maybe a triptamine or phenethylamine derivative. But it is hyper-real. I'd swear my legs had been cut off or... wait a second... I'm getting a strange meta-physical buzz. Shit. I'm, uh, dead, aren't I? Sort of... -Undead. Right. Sort of an ectocosmic manifestation. What a pisser. Tell you one thing though, Timothy Leary will be jealous as hell. Great, but listen, I need to know where you hid the ADM? -Great, but listen, I need to know where you hid the ADM? The ADM! Be careful, Andy. It's very powerful. How do you know about it? -The ADM! Be careful, Andy. It's very powerful. How do you know about it? I went to St. Severin church. Now look - -Oh shit! No! Andy, don't let them take me back there! The ADM! Quickly! Where is it?! -Where is it! Please! AHHH!! The wine cellar!! In a bottle of Chateau Margaux. A metal cylinder... Don't... Don't - AAAAH! -Uncle Terrence, you're... "Yeah, I finally ""checked out"", thank God. But there's a bit of unfinished business." -"Yeah, I finally ""checked out"", thank God. But there's a bit of unfinished business." Claude. -Claude. I never thought I'd ask this of anyone, Andy, but do me a favor and kill the evil son-of-a-bitch, will you? -Andrew Mc-dair-mo? That's McDermott, but yeah. -He's in charge but, uh, between you and me, my English is better. This way... So you're from New York eh? I love those Hill Street Blues... Right. Listen, my uncle, it's not serious is it? Did he eat some bad snails? Slip on the bidet? What? -Jesus... How well did, er, do you know him? -How well did, er, do you know him? "Not too well. He taught at the Sorbonne, right? Dad always calls him his ""hippie brother"". Did some work with Timothy Leary I think, and - Is he... is he going to die?" -"Not too well. He taught at the Sorbonne, right? Dad always calls him his ""hippie brother"". Did some work with Timothy Leary I think, and - Is he... is he going to die?" No. The doctors say the machines should keep him going a long time. But basically he is, how you say, a legume. -No. The doctors say the machines should keep him going a long time. But basically he is, how you say, a legume. Legume? You mean, a vegetable? -Legume? You mean, a vegetable? Vegetable, right. My mistake. It seems he was attacked by a maniac, maybe two or three maniacs, just after midnight. yesterday. They fled into the tunnels beneath Paris, that's all we know... -Vegetable, right. My mistake. It seems he was attacked by a maniac, maybe two or three maniacs, just after midnight. yesterday. They fled into the tunnels beneath Paris, that's all we know... What do you mean, maniacs? -What do you mean, maniacs? Well, here's what I think happened. A chemistry professor goes to a bad part of town late at night. Why? Perhaps he's making a few francs on the side. The psychedelic drug market is big these days. He gets mixed up with a bad crowd and, like they say, if you lie with dogs, you get fleas. -Well, here's what I think happened. A chemistry professor goes to a bad part of town late at night. Why? Perhaps he's making a few francs on the side. The psychedelic drug market is big these days. He gets mixed up with a bad crowd and, like they say, if you lie with dogs, you get fleas. Yeah, well, these fleas must have teeth like fuckin' chain saws. -Maybe we should go now. You must be very tired. We'll call if any new - I can't believe this. Why don't you go down in the tunnels and find the goddamn... animals that attacked my uncle? -I can't believe this. Why don't you go down in the tunnels and find the goddamn... animals that attacked my uncle? Andy, it's not so easy. There are hundreds of kilometers of tunnels under Paris. It's a whole other city, crawling with drug addicts, lunatics, skinheads... It's no man's land. -Yeah. I guess so. Did he say anything? Before the coma? Just the name of this hospital, St. Severin. He repeated it a few times then he lost consciousness. -Just the name of this hospital, St. Severin. He repeated it a few times then he lost consciousness. Why would he pick this one? -Why would he pick this one? I don't know. There were others much closer. He was religious? -I don't know. There were others much closer. He was religious? Not that I know. -Not that I know. Well, when you're about to pop off, what have you got to lose? Thanks for your help. -I'm afraid she's not so lucky. She's undead. And so am I. Aaaaa!!! Get the fuck away from me! -Aaaaa!!! Get the fuck away from me! What are you so damn angry about? Did somebody turn into a wild beast and rip your intestines out? Huh? -Fuck you! If I'm gonna kill myself I'll do it when I'm good and ready! You can go to hell! No we can't. That's the problem. God knows it would beat hanging around with you! -Alright. Let me write a letter. Good man. Now can I have my arms back? -What the hell, lots of my heroes killed themselves. Hemingway, Van Gogh... um... Herve Villachaise... But this is class kid, all the way. What a way to go. -Shit. I feel sick. Don't worry. In a few seconds you won't feel a thing. -Don't worry. In a few seconds you won't feel a thing. Puking on yourself in midair is not a good death. -Yeah, well I don't know much about chemistry, but even if this stuff works, you better find it by midnight. Otherwise it's - Yeah, I know. Back to the Eiffel Tower. And what about you? -Okay. So he's weird. Maybe on drugs. Still, that's not - I'm telling you. It's not drugs. It's something more. Someth - -I'm telling you. It's not drugs. It's something more. Someth - Don't give me your black magic bullshit! Seven mutilations in forty eight hours and all you find is a scrawny American boy? Do you have a motive? Do you have a weapon? Or do you want me to believe he did it with his own two hands? -Don't give me your black magic bullshit! Seven mutilations in forty eight hours and all you find is a scrawny American boy? Do you have a motive? Do you have a weapon? Or do you want me to believe he did it with his own two hands? I told you. These murders are not normal. -Enough. Cut him loose. I can't! At midnight tonight, he will kill again. It's crazy! -I can't! At midnight tonight, he will kill again. It's crazy! Are you crazy? We have nothing. Let him go, then watch him. If you're right, you can pick him up at midnight. Or maybe he'll lead you to the others. Just let him go. -Andy, stop! I think he can help you - Allo? -Andy! Serafine? Is that you? What's going on? -Serafine? Is that you? What's going on? Claude, it's Andy, he's acting really weird, I think something happened last night... -Claude, it's Andy, he's acting really weird, I think something happened last night... God, well don't let him go! Catch him! -No, it's no cure. It's something much more interesting. You fucking liar! -You fucking liar! "Oh, did I hurt the little girl's feelings? Well excusez moi... I confess my desire for ADM is quite ""intense"". So I deceived you and our poor friend Terry - a competent technician, but let's face it, a bit naive. ""The great cure for lycanthropy!"" Hmph. He didn't have the vision to grasp the potential of ADAM, until it was too late. And even then, he came rushing down to tell me, as if I would be just as shocked! Ha." -What've you got? Just a crazy call from a girl, probably fucked up on drugs. I wouldn't bother you but you said call with anything unusual. -Just a crazy call from a girl, probably fucked up on drugs. I wouldn't bother you but you said call with anything unusual. What did she say? -What did she say? Something about a monster, underground, in the catacombs under Place Denfert. -Something about a monster, underground, in the catacombs under Place Denfert. I need two tactical assault squads at Place Denfert immediately. You can tell the commissioner it's a code red. -I need two tactical assault squads at Place Denfert immediately. You can tell the commissioner it's a code red. But Inspector, this girl, I wouldn't call her reliable. -But Inspector, this girl, I wouldn't call her reliable. Now! -Now! Yes sir. -Merde. He says - -Here. Your uncle was carrying this. The keys to his apartment are in there. I talked to his assistant, Madame Flocquet. You'll be staying there a while? -Well? Okay. So maybe you were right. -Okay. So maybe you were right. Hmmph. At least now there's one person around here who doesn't think I'm crazy. -Twelve thirty-six a.m. here. Twelve forty a.m. here. There's two of them. At least. Merde. -Two more nights in this lunar cycle. Double merde. -You better follow that McDermott kid. He's going to wind up like his uncle if he's not careful. Right. Little twerp thinks he's Colombo. -Saint Severin... You never heard the story of Saint Severin driving the werewolves from Paris? -You never heard the story of Saint Severin driving the werewolves from Paris? You think that's what McDermott was raving about in the ambulance? -You think that's what McDermott was raving about in the ambulance? What, you think everyone's as ignorant as you? -Why were you so late tonight I was showing Sonya something . . . -I was showing Sonya something . . . What were you showing her? -What were you showing her? How to read. -How to read. I thought you were told not to tutor your servants anymore. -I thought you were told not to tutor your servants anymore. I know, but I had to because . . . -Oh, Grandmama, why do you have to go back to Paris? It's where I've made my home but I do have something for you . . . -"""Together in Paris""! Oh, when can we be ""together in Paris?!" When you're older . . . -Hurry, Grandmama! Get on! Anastasia, get on! -Are you running away? No. I'm running to. -Where is your home, Anya? I'm not sure but look. . . -I have to go now, before it gets light. But what if we can't ever find where we came from?! -But what if we can't ever find where we came from?! Then you'll have to make your own home. Lots of people do. -Anya! What if we can't find anyone who loves us?! Then come find me. -Who did you hear it from? I heard it from everyone who said I didn't hear it from them! Do you know Dmitri? -Providing travel papers is illeagal! I know Dmitri well - perhaps I can help you. Providded you have enough money to pay for this service. . . Well, I don't have any money . . . -Well, I don't have any money . . . Good day! -I was just wondering since we already have the dress. . . Look, I came here to get papers to travel to Paris and. . . -Noooo.... She's quite right, Dmitri, a man of my stature should not have to -Is everyone all right? I'm fine. -We have to prepare you for an audience with Sophie. Who's Sophie? -Who's Sophie? Ah ... the Lady Sophie... The ravishing first cousin, once removed, from the Empress. We must convince Sophie that you are the Princess before we'll be granted a meeting with the Empress ... your grandmother, I mean. -We're just going to refresh your memory... I don't have a memory and I'm not a Princess! Even if I were - no one's ever going to believe it. I'm not exactly... -Did I tell you that? You must have. -No! I look ridiculous! Come out! I can do alterations. -Come out! I can do alterations. You'll laugh. -You'll laugh. I shant! -I shant! Not you. Him. -Oh, Meetoo! You look miserable! Oh, Vlad - look at him! Yes, your highness. -Yes, your highness. Poor Meetoo! -Poor Meetoo! Yes, your highness. -Yes, your highness. Cut it out, Vlad! I'm not angry with you anymore - I know how much you needed the money. -Fortunately, I am to be married. With your highness, permission. Vlad, stop acting this way! You're my friend! -Vlad, stop acting this way! You're my friend! No. From now on I am your loyal subject ... your highness. By your leave? -Ouch! That really hurt! I'm sorry. . . I'm. . . -I'm sorry. . . I'm. . . That's quite a hard head you've got there, boy. -AND A SONG SOMEONE SINGS ONCE UPON A DECEMBER. Who are you?! -People say Anastasia was the only member of the Royal Family to escape alive. That makes her an orphan too What happened to your parents? -What happened to your parents? I don't know - I don't remember anything that happened before the revolution. . . -I don't know - I don't remember anything that happened before the revolution. . . You know, it's strange - Anastasia's grandmother, the Dowager Empress Tatiana has been looking for Anastasia since the revolution. Why do you think she wouldn't go to her own grandmother? -You know, it's strange - Anastasia's grandmother, the Dowager Empress Tatiana has been looking for Anastasia since the revolution. Why do you think she wouldn't go to her own grandmother? I don't know. I don't see what this has to do with me. -I don't know. I don't see what this has to do with me. Perhaps it's because she has amnesia too - can't remember. . . -Why do you want to go to Paris? I have my reasons. -I have my reasons. Anastasia's grandmother is in Paris. We're going to bring Anastasia to her - in Paris. -You never thought of the possibility? Look - there isn't an orphan in the world who doesn't dream she's a princess but, come on. . . Look at me! -Do you always punch people first thing in the morning? Sorry - it's a reflex. Living in an orphanage if someone bothers you - you automatically come up swinging. -Sorry - it's a reflex. Living in an orphanage if someone bothers you - you automatically come up swinging. I wasn't bothering you. I was trying to wake you up! -By pulling my hair?! I was all out of dynamite! -I'm going to stretch my legs That's a good idea - a great idea - stretch your legs ... stretch then that way. -Come on up! Why? -Just what do you think you're doing?! Trying... to... breathe... -Forged papers! Now, what?! Now just get off the train. -Now just get off the train. HUH?! -Come on! No! -You must enjoy causing me pain! You shouldn't have pushed us! -You never said anything to me about having to prove I'm a Princess! You are the Princess. -Every Russian family has one.. Natasha! Natasha Feastavich!- but we called her Nashie Fooshie! -...fish fork, salad fork, meat fork and. . . [THIS SECTION ALSO NOT LEDGABLE] It's the best fork of all -It's the best fork of all The dessert fork! -What a beautiful ship! It used to be a private yacht before the government took it over. -You said you wouldn't laugh! It's not you - it's the dress! -It's so beautiful ... and sad. Sad? -Sad? Lost. it feels lost. This was hers? -Lost. it feels lost. This was hers? Yeah ... well, yours. You still don't believe that you're the Princess, do you? -Yeah ... well, yours. You still don't believe that you're the Princess, do you? I know I must have had something to do with the palace - I've had little flashes of things - but being the Princess? It doesn't matter as long as I find my home. -I know I must have had something to do with the palace - I've had little flashes of things - but being the Princess? It doesn't matter as long as I find my home. Well, the only thing you've got when you've got a home is a fear of losing it! You're lucky you don't remember the revolution -- I never had much, but what I did have -- I lost. -Well, the only thing you've got when you've got a home is a fear of losing it! You're lucky you don't remember the revolution -- I never had much, but what I did have -- I lost. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Hey! It doesn't matter! You gotta make your own way in the world! Don't be sorry for me! I'm going to get what I want don't you worry! -Oh! I'm sorry... It's okay. Didn't hurt.. -Nervous? Yes - If I can't convince Sophie, I'll never be able to see Tatiana.... -Yes - If I can't convince Sophie, I'll never be able to see Tatiana.... You'll convince her. You have the qualities of a princess you're poised and strong... and beautiful ... even if you forget a couple dates of family names - she'll know. -I'm so scared... Don't be -Anya, wait! Tell me it isn't true?! Tell me you didn't do this for the money! -Tell me it isn't true?! Tell me you didn't do this for the money! No! Well, yes, but -No! Well, yes, but No! I thought you believed in me! It was all a lie! -I'm glad you found what you were looking for. "I'm glad you did too." -Dmitri? Anya... where are we? -Don't let me go! I'll never let go! -Who are you, child? I don't know! I don't want to hurt you... -Do you remember this? I remember something lost ... I'm so confused! Oh, please, just tell me if you recognize me! Do you think I could have... belonged to you ... -PAR AWAY, LONG AGO GLOWING DEEP AS AN EMBER THINGS MY HEAR USED TO KNOW THINGS IT YEARS TO REMEMBER -... and that Christmas dinner, when Cook made that awful plum pudding and we hid it in our pockets so we wouldn't hurt her feelings! I do remember so much now, Grandmama, - but not everything. Don't worry about that now, child, it will all come back to you now that you're home... -Anastasia! It was just a bat! It's gone, dear... No, it wasn't a bat! I saw this horrible man - I remember him, I think... -No, it wasn't a bat! I saw this horrible man - I remember him, I think... No, no child... shush... it's all right ... -Don't you, child? Oh, yes, Grandmama - I wait until I hear... -Oh, yes, Grandmama - I wait until I hear... No, not about the ceremony, Anastasia - do you understand the choice you must make. -Dmitri didn't want the money? No, he just wanted to know you were happy. -Why does everyone have to act that way? You'll have to become used to it, child, if you accept the crown... -You'll have to become used to it, child, if you accept the crown... """If"" I accept?! Of course I'm going to accept! it's what I always wanted!" -"""If"" I accept?! Of course I'm going to accept! it's what I always wanted!" Is it? Is this what you want? -I wanted to come home, Grandmama - and I did. I came back to my home with you. You can't go back to find your home. Your home is in your heart, in the future that you make for yourself. -You can't go back to find your home. Your home is in your heart, in the future that you make for yourself. And this is my future. This is who I am! -And this is my future. This is who I am! This is who you were. Exactly who you are is up to you. -This is who you were. Exactly who you are is up to you. I don't know who I am! I still don't know! -I don't know who I am! I still don't know! Yes, you do. You do. -I've spent my whole life waiting to find you ... And we have found each other nothing will ever change that! I am your family, dear child, but I may not be your home. -What? Oh my God! Don't do that ... feel my heart. Go ahead. I'm dying here ... -Oh my God! Don't do that ... feel my heart. Go ahead. I'm dying here ... And what do you want, my little rat-with-wings? -I gave you that tongue and I can rip it out! No, I really like my tongue... we're very attached. Oyyyy... Okay, now... promise you won't get angry. -No, I really like my tongue... we're very attached. Oyyyy... Okay, now... promise you won't get angry. Why would I ever be angry with you, little friend? -So, I'm cruisin' the rafters and... what can I say, I struck out. I thought chicks would like the fact that I can talk, you know but, I mean, the way things are going I couldn't get invited to a plague. Someone's gotta clean that up... Get to the point sometime tonight.. I'm late for a wenching. -Get to the point sometime tonight.. I'm late for a wenching. Okay... you're not gonna like this but, well, it looks like Anastasia is ... still alive. -Trust me, it's her! How do you know? -How do you know? "Rodent's intuition, how do I know? She looks exactly like her. Except she's taller, which is natural ... Of course my second cousin Treplev - he never grew. Looks like a little pepper shaker. He was so cute ..." -Hey, she's just a kid. And she's going to Paris outta sight, outta mind, outta Russia. I cursed then all! -I cursed then all! "My Aunt Bella, sweet woman not the brightest bat in the world - she used to hang right side up, anyway she always said ""Curses were made to be broken"". Course, she said it in those irritating little bat squeaks, so it wasn't quite so profound..." -Do you have any idea what would happen if that broke?! You'd lose your security deposit? -You'd lose your security deposit? Evil, powerful beings - I have their power only if I contain them, control them. If they should all be released at once... well ... -Yesss... our power is much stronger when were near. We must get close to her. Oy... not a road trip. I get wagon sick, you know that. -I'm getting a chest cold.. Bartok... a question. -Bartok... a question. I'm getting pneumonia. I have a fever. Feel my forehead... -I'm getting pneumonia. I have a fever. Feel my forehead... What do you think is the most humiliating way to die? -Boy, don't you hate it when that happens? She leads a charmed life, that little one ... Someone is always there to save her. In the palace as a child, on the train and now ... it's him. -Bartok ... have you ever been to Paris? Me? No. Rich food - it kills me. Ever try and fly after one of those heavy sauces? -PARSE HOLDS THE KEY TO MY HEART FRENCH- BAT- CHICKS HANG OUT AT MONTMARTRE WE'LL EAT SOME IN-SECTS THEN GO BACK AND HAVE -- Shut up! -It's no use, Dmitri - we'll never find the right girl! We will. We have to. Come on, Vlad - she's out there. -What was that? That was your dinner! I do hope there is no cabbage in Paris! -It's her. He's her? -He's her? Look! -"She doesn't want to do anything ""dishonest"". . ." Ew. . . the honest type. -Hurry up with those papers. Would you have leaned over Rembrant's shoulder and told him to paint faster? -Wake up, young lady, that's our train. """Wake up, your highness"" - we should start getting used to saying it." -"""Wake up, your highness"" - we should start getting used to saying it." "What a world - a man who was in my position in society is calling a peasant 'Your Highness""." -You're a princess... Royalty do not help people with their luggage. -Well, she certainly has a mind of her own. Yes. And I hate that in a woman. -What do we do now? Pray he's color-blind... -See? The Princess is under there ... Ah! Let us begin! -How is our current financial status? "If I used the word ""bleak"" I would be optimistic." -"The ""Odessa Dunk""?" It worked in Odessa... -We did it! We did it, my boy! We're going to see Tatiana at the ballet tonight and we're going to be rich! Rich! "But it's not the money, Vlad." -"But it's not the money, Vlad." Are you feeling all right? -Life is funny, isn't it. You find the right girl ... and then you lose her. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Dmitri ... You must understand that once you take her to Tatiana... well, it's over... nothing can happen between you. She's a princess and you're a commoner. -But this invitation came from the Empress herself! It's the social event of the decade! You can't turn it down! Watch me. -So where will you go? She found her home. Maybe it's time I found one too! -So. You don't want to go to the coronation, eh? Rasputin! -Rasputin! I know, I know ... you thought I was dead. That's how the history books will remember me - not as the ruler of all of Russia, which I SHOULD HAVE BEEN - but as the guy who was never dead when you expected him to be. -What do you want?! The same thing I wanted ten years ago - all the Romonovs dead I got the others, now I have to finish up with that nuisance, Anastasia... -The same thing I wanted ten years ago - all the Romonovs dead I got the others, now I have to finish up with that nuisance, Anastasia... You're insane! You didn't kill the Romonovs - it was the... -You're insane! You didn't kill the Romonovs - it was the... STOP IT! I DID SO KILL THEM! And I'm going to kill Anastasia. -I'll show you! Run, Anya - go... -I need to speak with the Dowager Empress ... How much pain will you inflict on an old woman for money?! -How much pain will you inflict on an old woman for money?! Please, if you'd just listen... -Please, if you'd just listen... Remove him at once. -I'm not Ulo and I won't slow down. But you will listen to me! You! How dare you?! Stop this car immediately! -Anastasia's music box... She had this all these years... You could have found it... What I foundyour was your granddaughter! -I sent for you because I owe you a debt of gratitude larger than I can ever repay No. Empress, you -- -No. Empress, you -- I want you to have the reward money - you've earned it. -Empress, no! I will not take the money! I just came to tell you I was sorry... "Young man, I..." -You are the boy ... I should go -I should go That last night in the palace... one boy showed us kindness and courage. You were the boy who saved our lives, weren't you? Please, is there nothing I can do to repay you? -That last night in the palace... one boy showed us kindness and courage. You were the boy who saved our lives, weren't you? Please, is there nothing I can do to repay you? Promise me she'll have her home. -Promise me she'll have her home. She does. -She does. And tell me that she's happy. -And tell me that she's happy. Oh, Dmitri.I wish that I could. -Rasputin! You're alive . . . Despite being shot, poisoned and thrown into an icy river . . . YES! -Despite being shot, poisoned and thrown into an icy river . . . YES! I had nothing to do with it! -I had nothing to do with it! You gave the orders! -You gave the orders! I did no such thing! -I did no such thing! After all I've done for your family - YOU TRIED TO KILL MEEEEEE ! ! ! -May I present her Royal Highness Princess Anastasia! Oh good! We haven't seen an Anastasia in several days! -Are you impressed with our Anastasia? Oh, heavens - I must say, yes. -Oh, heavens - I must say, yes. Then, you'll take her to see Tatiana? -Then, you'll take her to see Tatiana? Oh, heavens I must say... no, no actually, I can't - Tatiana has refused to see any more girls. -Oh, heavens I must say... no, no actually, I can't - Tatiana has refused to see any more girls. Perhaps you could convince her? -Perhaps you could convince her? Oh, heavens, no... but ... She is going to be at the Ballet Russe tonight! That's the Russian Ballet - Russe for Russian, oh those crazy French... they only go to see which dancers will defect. -Hey, you on television? No. Yeah, once in a while. You know, like occasionally. -No. Yeah, once in a while. You know, like occasionally. What's your name? -What's your name? You wouldn't know it. It doesn't matter. What's the difference? -You wouldn't know it. It doesn't matter. What's the difference? You were on... uh, the... uh, the Johnny Carson, right? -You were on... uh, the... uh, the Johnny Carson, right? Once in a while, you know. I mean, you know, every now- -Once in a while, you know. I mean, you know, every now- What's your name? -I'm... I'm, uh, I'm Robert Redford. Come on. -Come on. Alvy Singer. It was nice nice... Thanks very much... for everything. -Fellas... you know-Jesus! Come on! This guy's on television! Alvy Singer, right? Am I right? -This guy's on television! Alvy Singer, right? Am I right? Gimme a break, will yuh, gimme a break. Jesus Christ! -Gimme a break, will yuh, gimme a break. Jesus Christ! This guy's on television. -This guy's on television. I need a large polo mallet! -Can I have your autograph? You don't want my autograph. -You don't want my autograph. Yeah, I do. It's for my girl friend. Make it out to Ralph. -Yeah, I do. It's for my girl friend. Make it out to Ralph. Your girl friend's name is Ralph? -Your girl friend's name is Ralph? It's for my brudder. Alvy Singer! Hey! This is Alvy- -Hey! What? -What? This is Alvy Singer! -Who's on television? This guy, on the Johnny Carson show. -Singer! Alvy Singer over here! -Well, you take a meeting with him, I'll take a meeting with you if you'll take a meeting with Freddy. I took a meeting with Freddy. Freddy took a meeting with Charlie. You take a meeting with him. -I took a meeting with Freddy. Freddy took a meeting with Charlie. You take a meeting with him. All the good meetings are taken. -Not only is he a great agent, but he really gives good meetings. M'mm. -You're a thinking person. How can you choose this lifestyle? "What is so incredibly great about New York? It's a dying city! You-you read ""Death in Venice""." -"What is so incredibly great about New York? It's a dying city! You-you read ""Death in Venice""." "You didn't read ""Death in Venice"" till I gave it to you!" -"You didn't read ""Death in Venice"" till I gave it to you!" "Well, you only give me books with the word ""death"" in the title." -It's an important issue. Alvy, you are totally incapable of enjoying life. -You're like New York. You're an island. Okay, if that's all that we've been through together means to you, I guess it's better if we just said goodbye, once and for all! You know, it's funny, after all the serious talks and passionate moments that it ends here... in a health food restaurant on Sunset Boulevard. Goodbye, Sunny. -Excuse... excuse me, when do I go on? Who are you? -Who are you? Alvy... Alvy Singer. I'm a comedian. -Alvy... Alvy Singer. I'm a comedian. Oh, comedian. Yes. Oh, uh... you're on next. -Oh, comedian. Yes. Oh, uh... you're on next. What do you mean, next? -What do you mean, next? Uh ... I mean you're on right after this act. -Uh ... I mean you're on right after this act. No, it can't be, because he's a comic. -No, it can't be, because he's a comic. Yes. -Yes. So what are you telling me, you're putting on two comics in a row? -So what are you telling me, you're putting on two comics in a row? Why not? -Why not? No, I'm sorry, I'm not goin'- I can't... I don't wanna go on after that comedian. -No, I'm sorry, I'm not goin'- I can't... I don't wanna go on after that comedian. It's okay. -It's okay. No, because they're-they're laughing, so I-I-I'd rather not. If you don't mind, I prefer- -No, because they're-they're laughing, so I-I-I'd rather not. If you don't mind, I prefer- Will you relax, please? They're gonna love you, I know. -Will you relax, please? They're gonna love you, I know. I prefer not to, because... look, they're laughing at him. See, so what are yuh telling me- -Yes. that I've got to... ah... ah... They're gonna laugh at him for a couple minutes, then I gotta go out there, I gotta ... get laughs, too. How much can they laugh? They-they they're laughed out. -that I've got to... ah... ah... They're gonna laugh at him for a couple minutes, then I gotta go out there, I gotta ... get laughs, too. How much can they laugh? They-they they're laughed out. Do you feel all right? -Allison. Yeah? Allison what? -Yeah? Allison what? Portchnik. -H'm, I'm sorry, I can't go through with this, because it-I can't get it off my mind, Allison... it's obsessing me! Well, I'm getting tired of it. I need your attention. -It-but it-it... doesn't make any sense. He drove past the book depository and the police said conclusively that it was an exit wound. So-how is it possible for Oswald to have fired from two angles at once? It doesn't make sense. Alvy. -We've been through this. If they-they recovered the shells from that rifle. -If they-they recovered the shells from that rifle. Okay. All right, so whatta yuh saying, now? That e-e-everybody o-o-on the Warren Commission is in on this conspiracy, right? -Okay. All right, so whatta yuh saying, now? That e-e-everybody o-o-on the Warren Commission is in on this conspiracy, right? Well, why not? -Well, why not? Yeah, Earl Warren? -Yeah, Earl Warren? Hey... honey, I don't know Earl Warren. -Hey... honey, I don't know Earl Warren. Lyndon Johnson? -Lyndon Johnson? L-L-Lyndon Johns Lyndon Johnson is a politician. You know the ethics those guys have? It's like-uh, a notch underneath child molester. -L-L-Lyndon Johns Lyndon Johnson is a politician. You know the ethics those guys have? It's like-uh, a notch underneath child molester. Then everybody's in in the conspiracy? -Then everybody's in in the conspiracy? Tsch. -Tsch. The FBI, and the CIA, and J. Edgar Hoover and oil companies and the Pentagon and the men's-room attendant at the White House? -I-I-I-I would leave out the men's- room attendant. You're using this conspiracy theory as an excuse to avoid sex with me. -You're using this conspiracy theory as an excuse to avoid sex with me. Oh, my God! She's right! Why did I turn off Allison Portchnik? She was-she was beautiful. She was willing. She was real... intelligent. Is it the old Groucho Marx joke? That-that I-I just don't wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member? -I-i-i-i-it's all right, fellas. Jesus, what'd you do, come by way of the Panama Canal? Alright, alright, I'm in a bad mood, okay? -"Bad mood? I'm standing with the cast of ""The Godfather.""" You're gonna hafta learn to deal with it. -You're gonna hafta learn to deal with it. Deal! I'm dealing with two guys named Cheech! -Deal! I'm dealing with two guys named Cheech! Okay. Please, I have a headache, all right? -Okay. Please, I have a headache, all right? Hey, you are in a bad mood. You-you- you must be getting your period. -Hey, you are in a bad mood. You-you- you must be getting your period. I'm not getting my period. Jesus, every time anything out of the ordinary happens, you think that I'm getting my period! -Two minutes, Alvy. No, I'm sorry, I can't do it. We- we've blown it already. I-you know, uh, I-I can't go in in the middle. -No, I'm sorry, I can't do it. We- we've blown it already. I-you know, uh, I-I can't go in in the middle. In the middle? We'll only miss the titles. They're in Swedish. -In the middle? We'll only miss the titles. They're in Swedish. You wanna get coffee for two hours or something? We'll go next- -You wanna get coffee for two hours or something? We'll go next- Two hours? No, u-uh, I'm going in. I'm going in. -Look, while we're talking we could be inside, you know that? Hey, can we not stand here and argue in front of everybody, 'cause I get embarrassed. -Hey, can we not stand here and argue in front of everybody, 'cause I get embarrassed. Alright. All right, all right, so whatta you wanna do? -Alright. All right, all right, so whatta you wanna do? I don't know now. You-you wanna go to another movie? So let's go see The Sorrow and the Pity. -I don't know now. You-you wanna go to another movie? So let's go see The Sorrow and the Pity. Oh, come on, we've seen it. I'm not in the mood to see a four-hour documentary on Nazis. -Oh, come on, we've seen it. I'm not in the mood to see a four-hour documentary on Nazis. Well, I'm sorry, I-I can't... I-I- I've gotta see a picture exactly from the start to the finish, 'cause- 'cause I'm anal. -Well, I'm sorry, I-I can't... I-I- I've gotta see a picture exactly from the start to the finish, 'cause- 'cause I'm anal. H'h, that's a polite word for what you are. -I'm-I'm-I'm gonna have a stroke. Well, stop listening to him. -I missed my therapy. I overslept. How can you possibly oversleep? -How can you possibly oversleep? The alarm clock. -The alarm clock. You know what a hostile gesture that is to me? -You know what a hostile gesture that is to me? I know- because of our sexual problem, right? -I know- because of our sexual problem, right? Hey, you... everybody in line at the New Yorker has to know our rate of intercourse? -Stop it, Alvy! Well, he's spitting on my neck! You know, he's spitting on my neck when he talks. -Oh! I-I-I mean, I'm comparatively normal for a guy raised in Brooklyn. -I-I-I mean, I'm comparatively normal for a guy raised in Brooklyn. Okay, I'm very sorry. My sexual problem! Okay, my sexual problem! Huh? -Boy, those guys in the French Resistance were really brave, you know? Got to listen to Maurice Chevalier sing so much. M'm, I don't know, sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture. -M'm, I don't know, sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture. You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything. -You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything. That movie makes me feel guilty. -That movie makes me feel guilty. Yeah, 'cause it's supposed to. -Alvy, I... What-what-what-what's the matter? -What-what-what-what's the matter? I-you know, I don't wanna. -I-you know, I don't wanna. What-what-I don't... It's not natural! We're sleeping in a bed together. You know, it's been a long time. -What-what-I don't... It's not natural! We're sleeping in a bed together. You know, it's been a long time. I know, well, it's just that- you know, I mean, I-I-I-I gotta sing tomorrow night, so I have to rest my voice. -I know, well, it's just that- you know, I mean, I-I-I-I gotta sing tomorrow night, so I have to rest my voice. It's always some kind of an excuse. It's- You know, you used to think that I was very sexy. What... When we first started going out, we had sex constantly... We're-we're probably listed in the Guinness Book of World Records. -It's always some kind of an excuse. It's- You know, you used to think that I was very sexy. What... When we first started going out, we had sex constantly... We're-we're probably listed in the Guinness Book of World Records. I know. Well, Alvy, it'll pass, it'll pass, it's just that I'm going through a phase, that's all. -I know. Well, Alvy, it'll pass, it'll pass, it's just that I'm going through a phase, that's all. M'm. -M'm. I mean, you've been married before, you know how things can get. You were very hot for Allison at first. -Alvy, now don't panic. Please. Look, I told you it was a... mistake to ever bring a live thing in the house. -Look, I told you it was a... mistake to ever bring a live thing in the house. Stop it! Don't... don't do that! There. -Well, maybe we should just call the police. Dial nine-one-one, it's the lobster squad. Come on, Alvy, they're only baby ones, for God's sake. -Come on, Alvy, they're only baby ones, for God's sake. If they're only babies, then you pick 'em up. -If they're only babies, then you pick 'em up. Oh, all right. All right! It's all right. Here. -Don't give it to me. Don't! Oooh! Here! Here! -Oooh! Here! Here! Look! Look, one crawled behind the refrigerator. It'll turn up in our bed at night. Will you get outta here with that thing? Jesus! -Look! Look, one crawled behind the refrigerator. It'll turn up in our bed at night. Will you get outta here with that thing? Jesus! Get him! -Get him! Talk to him. You speak shellfish! Hey, look... put it in the pot. -Talk to him. You speak shellfish! Hey, look... put it in the pot. I can't! I can't put him in the pot. I can't put a live thing in hot water. -I can't! I can't put him in the pot. I can't put a live thing in hot water. Gimme! Gimme! Let me do it! What- what's he think we're gonna do, take him to the movies? -Oh, God! Here yuh go! Oh, good, now he'll think- Aaaah! Okay. Okay, it's in. It's definitely in the pot! -Okay, it's in. It's definitely in the pot! All right. All right. All right. -Annie, there's a big lobster behind the refrigerator. I can't get it out. This thing's heavy. Maybe if I put a little dish of butter sauce here with a nutcracker, it will run out the other side, you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm gonna get my... I'm gonna get my camera. -Yeah. I'm gonna get my... I'm gonna get my camera. You know, I-I think... if I could pry this door off... We shoulda gotten steaks 'cause they don't have legs. They don't run around. -Great! Great! Goddammit! Ooooh! These are... p-p-p-pick this lobster up. Hold it, please! All right! All right! All right! All right! Whatta yuh mean? Are yuh gonna take pictures now? -All right! All right! All right! All right! Whatta yuh mean? Are yuh gonna take pictures now? It'll make great- Alvy, be- Alvy, it'll be wonderful... Ooooh, lovely! -It'll make great- Alvy, be- Alvy, it'll be wonderful... Ooooh, lovely! All right, here! Oh, God, it's disgusting! -So, so-well, here's what I wanna know. W-what... Am I your first big romance? Oh... no, no, no, no, uh, uh. No. -Oh... no, no, no, no, uh, uh. No. Well, then, w-who was? -Well, then, w-who was? Oh, well, let's see, there was Dennis, from Chippewa Falls High School. -Oh, come on-I mean, I was still younger. Hey, that was last year. -He was creepy. Yeah, I-I think you're pretty lucky I came along. -Yeah, I-I think you're pretty lucky I came along. Oh, really? Well, la-de-da! -Oh, really? Well, la-de-da! "La-de-da. If I-if anyone had ever told me that I would be taking out a girl who used expressions like ""la- de-da""..." -"La-de-da. If I-if anyone had ever told me that I would be taking out a girl who used expressions like ""la- de-da""..." Oh, that's right. That you really like those New York girls. -Oh, that's right. That you really like those New York girls. Well, no... not just, not only. -Well, no... not just, not only. Oh, I'd say so. You married- -Hi. Hi, hi. Hi. Oh, hi. Hi. -Hi. Oh, hi. Hi. Well, bye. She laughs and backs up slowly toward the door. -Well, bye. She laughs and backs up slowly toward the door. You-you play... very well. -You-you play... very well. "Oh, yeah? So do you. Oh, God, whatta- whatta dumb thing to say, right? I mean, you say it, ""You play well,"" and right away... I have to say well. Oh, oh... God, Annie. Well... oh, well... la-de-da, la-de- da, la-la." -Uh... you-you wanna lift? Oh, why-uh... y-y-you gotta car? -Oh, why-uh... y-y-you gotta car? No, um... I was gonna take a cab. -No, um... I was gonna take a cab. Oh, no, I have a car. -Oh, no, I have a car. "You have a car? So... I don't understand why... if you have a car, so then-then wh-why did you say ""Do you have a car?""... like you wanted a lift?" -"You have a car? So... I don't understand why... if you have a car, so then-then wh-why did you say ""Do you have a car?""... like you wanted a lift?" I don't... I don't... Geez, I don't know, I've... I wa- This... yeah, I got this VW out there... What a jerk, yeah. Would you like a lift? -I don't... I don't... Geez, I don't know, I've... I wa- This... yeah, I got this VW out there... What a jerk, yeah. Would you like a lift? Sure. W-w-w-which way yuh goin'? -Sure. W-w-w-which way yuh goin'? Me? Oh, downtown! -Me? Oh, downtown! Down- I'm-I'm goin' uptown. -Down- I'm-I'm goin' uptown. Oh, well, I'm goin' uptown, too. -Oh, well, I'm goin' uptown, too. Uh, well, you just said you were going downtown. -Uh, well, you just said you were going downtown. Yeah, well, I'm, but I... -So sorry. I mean, I can go uptown, too. I live uptown, but... uh, what the hell, I mean, it'd be nice having company, you know I mean, I hate driving alone. -I mean, I can go uptown, too. I live uptown, but... uh, what the hell, I mean, it'd be nice having company, you know I mean, I hate driving alone. Yeah. -So, how long do you know Janet? Where do you know her from? Oh, I'm in her acting class. -Oh, I'm in her acting class. Oh - you're an actress. -Oh - you're an actress. Well, I do commercials, sort of... -I, uh... well, you're not from New York, right? No, Chippewa Falls. -No, Chippewa Falls. Right! Where? -Right! Where? Wisconsin. -Wisconsin. Uh, you're driving a- -Uh, you're driving a- Uh, don't worry, I'm a very- a very good driver. So, listen-hey, you want some gum, anyway? -No, no thanks. Hey, don't- Well, where is it? I- -Well, where is it? I- No, no, no, no, you just... just watch the road. I'll get it- -No, no, no, no, you just... just watch the road. I'll get it- Okay. -For yuh. Okay, that's good. -All right. I'll getcha a piece. -I'll getcha a piece. Yeah... so, listen-you drive? -Yeah... so, listen-you drive? Do I drive? Uh, no, I gotta-I gotta problem with driving. -Do I drive? Uh, no, I gotta-I gotta problem with driving. Oh, you do? -Oh, you do? Yeah. I got, uh, I got a license but I have too much hostility. -Yeah. I got, uh, I got a license but I have too much hostility. Oh, right. -Oh, right. Nice car. -Nice car. Huh? -Huh? You keep it nice. Can I ask you, is this-is this a sandwich? -You keep it nice. Can I ask you, is this-is this a sandwich? Huh? Oh, yeah. -That's okay, you... we-we can walk to the curb from here. Don't be funny. -Don't be funny. You want your tennis stuff? -You want your tennis stuff? Huh? Oh... yeah. -Huh? Oh... yeah. You want your gear? Here you go. -Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot. Well... Well, thanks, thank you. You-you're a wonderful tennis player. -Well, thanks, thank you. You-you're a wonderful tennis player. Oh. -You're the worst driver I've ever seen in my life... that's including any place... the worst... Europe, United... any place... Asia. Yeah. -Yeah. And I love what you're wearin'. -Who? Grammy? Grammy Hall? Yeah, my grammy. -Yeah, my grammy. You're jo- Whatta yuh kid- What did you do, grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting? -You're jo- Whatta yuh kid- What did you do, grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting? Yeah, I know. -Yeah, I know. Your grammy! -Your grammy! I know, it's pretty silly, isn't it? -I know, it's pretty silly, isn't it? Jesus, my-my grammy... n-never gave gifts, you know. She-she was too busy getting raped by Cossacks. -Jesus, my-my grammy... n-never gave gifts, you know. She-she was too busy getting raped by Cossacks. Well... -Well... Well... thank you again. -Well... thank you again. Oh, yeah, yeah. -Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll see yuh. -I'll see yuh. Hey, well, listen... hey, you wanna come upstairs and, uh... and have a glass of wine and something? Aw, no, I mean... I mean, you don't have to, you're probably late and everything else ... -Hey, well, listen... hey, you wanna come upstairs and, uh... and have a glass of wine and something? Aw, no, I mean... I mean, you don't have to, you're probably late and everything else ... No, no, that'll be fine. I don't mind. Sure. -No, no, that'll be fine. I don't mind. Sure. You sure? -You sure? No, I got time. -No, I got time. Okay. -Okay. Sure, I got... I got nothing, uh, nothing till my analyst's appointment. -Oh, you see an analyst? Y-y-yeah, just for fifteen years. -Y-y-yeah, just for fifteen years. Fifteen years? -Fifteen years? Yeah, uh, I'm gonna give him one more year and then I'm goin' to Lourdes. -Yeah, uh, I'm gonna give him one more year and then I'm goin' to Lourdes. Fifteen-aw, come on, you're... yeah, really? -Sylvia Plath. M'hm... -M'hm... Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic, by the college-girl mentality. -Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic, by the college-girl mentality. Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. -Oh, sorry. Right. Well, I don't know, I mean, uh, some of her poems seem - neat, you know. -Right. Well, I don't know, I mean, uh, some of her poems seem - neat, you know. Neat? -Neat? Neat, yeah. -Neat, yeah. "Uh, I hate to tell yuh, this is nineteen seventy-five, you know that ""neat"" went out, I would say, at the turn of the century. Who-who are-who are those photos on the wall?" -"Uh, I hate to tell yuh, this is nineteen seventy-five, you know that ""neat"" went out, I would say, at the turn of the century. Who-who are-who are those photos on the wall?" Oh... oh, well, you see now now, uh, that's my dad, that's Father-and that's my... brother, Duane. -Oh... oh, well, you see now now, uh, that's my dad, that's Father-and that's my... brother, Duane. Duane? -Duane? Yeah, right, Duane-and over there is Grammy Hall, and that's Sadie. -Yeah, right, Duane-and over there is Grammy Hall, and that's Sadie. Well, who's Sadie? -Well, who's Sadie? Sadie? Oh, well, Sadie... Sadie met Grammy through, uh, through Grammy's brother George. Uh, George was real sweet, you know, he had that thing. What is that thing where you, uh, where you, uh, fall asleep in the middle of a sentence, you know-what is it? Uh... -Sadie? Oh, well, Sadie... Sadie met Grammy through, uh, through Grammy's brother George. Uh, George was real sweet, you know, he had that thing. What is that thing where you, uh, where you, uh, fall asleep in the middle of a sentence, you know-what is it? Uh... Uh, narcolepsy. -Uh, narcolepsy. Narcolepsy, right, right. Right. So, anyway, so... George, uh, went to the union, see, to get his free turkey, be-because, uh, the union always gave George this big turkey at Christmas time because he was... shell-shocked, you know what I mean, in the First World War. Anyway, so, so... George is standing in line, oh, just a sec... uh, getting his free turkey, but the thing is, he falls asleep and he never wakes up. So, so... so, he's dead ... he's dead. Yeah. Oh, dear. Well, terrible, huh, wouldn't you say? I mean, that's pretty unfortunate. -Yeah, it's a great story, though, I mean, I... I... it really made my day. Hey, I think I should get outta here, you know, 'cause I think I'm imposing, you know... Oh, really? Oh, well... uh, uh, maybe, uh, maybe, we, uh... -Oh, really? Oh, well... uh, uh, maybe, uh, maybe, we, uh... ...and... uh, yeah, uh... uh, you know, I-I-I... -Well, I mean, you don't have to, you know. No, I know, but... but, you know, I'm all perspired and everything. -No, I know, but... but, you know, I'm all perspired and everything. Well, didn't you take, uh... uh, a shower at the club? -Well, didn't you take, uh... uh, a shower at the club? Me? No, no, no, 'cause I never shower in a public place. -Me? No, no, no, 'cause I never shower in a public place. Why not? -Why not? 'Cause I don't like to get naked in front of another man, you know-it's, uh... -'Cause I don't like to get naked in front of another man, you know-it's, uh... Oh, I see, I see. -Oh, I see, I see. You know, I don't like to show my body to a man of my gender- -You know, I don't like to show my body to a man of my gender- Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I see. I guess- -Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I see. I guess- 'cause, uh, you never know what's gonna happen. -'cause, uh, you never know what's gonna happen. Fifteen years, huh? -Fifteen years, huh? Fifteen years, yeah. -Fifteen years, yeah. Yeah. Oh, God bless! -God bless. Well, uh... You're what Grammy Hall would call a real Jew. -Well, uh... You're what Grammy Hall would call a real Jew. Oh, thank you. -Oh, thank you. Yeah, well... you- She hates Jews. She thinks that they just make money, but let me tell yuh, I mean, she's the one yeah, is she ever. I'm tellin' yuh. -Yeah, well... you- She hates Jews. She thinks that they just make money, but let me tell yuh, I mean, she's the one yeah, is she ever. I'm tellin' yuh. So, did you do shoot the photographs in there or what? -So, did you do shoot the photographs in there or what? Yeah, yeah, I sorta dabble around, you know. -Well, I don't know. I mean, I guess- I guess you must be sorta late, huh? You know, I gotta get there and begin whining soon... otherwise I- Hey... well, are you busy Friday night? -You know, I gotta get there and begin whining soon... otherwise I- Hey... well, are you busy Friday night? Me? Oh, uh. No. -Me? Oh, uh. No. Oh, I'm sorry, wait a minute, I have something. Well, what about Saturday night? -Oh, I'm sorry, wait a minute, I have something. Well, what about Saturday night? Oh... nothing. Not-no, no! -Oh... nothing. Not-no, no! Oh, you... you're very popular, I can see. -Oh, you... you're very popular, I can see. I know. -I know. Gee, boy, what do you have? You have plague? -Gee, boy, what do you have? You have plague? Well, I mean, I meet a lot of... jerks, you know- -Well, I mean, I meet a lot of... jerks, you know- Yeah, I meet a lotta jerks, too. -Yeah, I meet a lotta jerks, too. what I mean? -what I mean? think that's, uh- -think that's, uh- But I'm thinking about getting some cats, you know, and then they... Oh, wait a second-oh, no, no, I mean oh, shoot! No, Saturday night I'm gonna- gonna sing. Yeah. -But I'm thinking about getting some cats, you know, and then they... Oh, wait a second-oh, no, no, I mean oh, shoot! No, Saturday night I'm gonna- gonna sing. Yeah. You're gonna sing? Do you sing? Well, no, it isn't No kidding? this is my first time. Oh, really? Where? I'd like to come. Oh, no, no, no, no, no! No, I'm interested! -You're gonna sing? Do you sing? Well, no, it isn't No kidding? this is my first time. Oh, really? Where? I'd like to come. Oh, no, no, no, no, no! No, I'm interested! Oh, no-I mean, I'm just a-auditioning sort of at club. I don't- -Oh, no-I mean, I'm just a-auditioning sort of at club. I don't- No, so help me. -No, so help me. it's my first time. -it's my first time. That's okay, 'cause I know exactly what that's like. Listen- -That's okay, 'cause I know exactly what that's like. Listen- Yeah. -Yeah. you're gonna like night clubs, they're really a lotta fun. -I was awful. I'm so ashamed! I can't sing. Oh, listen, so the audience was a tad restless. -Oh, listen, so the audience was a tad restless. Whatta you mean, a tad restless? Oh, my God, I mean, they hated me. -Whatta you mean, a tad restless? Oh, my God, I mean, they hated me. No, they didn't. You have a wonderful voice. -No, they didn't. You have a wonderful voice. No, I'm gonna quit! -No, I'm gonna quit! No, I'm not gonna letcha. You have a great voice. -No, I'm not gonna letcha. You have a great voice. Really, do you think so, really? -Really, do you think so, really? Yeah! -Yeah! Yeah? -Yeah? It's terrific. -It's terrific. Yeah, you know something? I never even took a lesson, either. -Hey, listen, listen. What? -What? Gimme a kiss. -Gimme a kiss. Really? -Really? Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna go home later, right? -Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna go home later, right? Yeah. -Yeah. And-and uh, there's gonna be all that tension. You know, we never kissed before and I'll never know when to make the right move or anything. So we'll kiss now we'll get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay? -And-and uh, there's gonna be all that tension. You know, we never kissed before and I'll never know when to make the right move or anything. So we'll kiss now we'll get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay? Oh, all right. -Oh, all right. And we'll digest our food better. -And we'll digest our food better. Okay. -Okay. Okay? -Okay? Yeah. -We can digest our- Okay. Yeah. -I'm gonna have a corned beef. Yeah... oh, uh, and I'm gonna have a pastrami on white bread with, uh, mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce. Tsch, so, uh, your second wife left you and, uh, were you depressed about that? -Yeah... oh, uh, and I'm gonna have a pastrami on white bread with, uh, mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce. Tsch, so, uh, your second wife left you and, uh, were you depressed about that? Nothing that a few mega-vitamins couldn't cure. -Nothing that a few mega-vitamins couldn't cure. Oh. And your first wife was Allison? -Oh. And your first wife was Allison? My first... Yes, she was nice, but you know, uh, it was my fault. I was just... I was too crazy. -My first... Yes, she was nice, but you know, uh, it was my fault. I was just... I was too crazy. Oh. -M'm, that was so nice. That was nice. As Balzac said... -As Balzac said... H'm? -H'm? """There goes another novel."" Jesus, you were great." -"""There goes another novel."" Jesus, you were great." Oh, yeah? -Oh, yeah? Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah? -Yeah? Yeah, I'm-I'm-I'm a wreck. -Yeah, I'm-I'm-I'm a wreck. No. You're a wreck. -No. You're a wreck. Really. I mean it. I-I'll never play the piano again. -Really. I mean it. I-I'll never play the piano again. You're really nuts. I don't know, you really thought it was good? Tell me. -You're really nuts. I don't know, you really thought it was good? Tell me. Good? I was- -Good? I was- No. -No. No, that was the most fun I've ever had without laughing. -No, that was the most fun I've ever had without laughing. Here, you want some? -Here, you want some? No, no, I-I-i, uh, I don't use any major hallucinogenics because I took a puff like five years ago at a party and -No, no, I-I-i, uh, I don't use any major hallucinogenics because I took a puff like five years ago at a party and Yeah? -Yeah? I tried to take my pants off over my head... ...my ear. -I tried to take my pants off over my head... ...my ear. Oh, I don't know, I don't really. I don't do it very often, you know, just sort of, er... relaxes me at first. -Oh, I don't know, I don't really. I don't do it very often, you know, just sort of, er... relaxes me at first. M'hm. You're not gonna believe this, but- -M'hm. You're not gonna believe this, but- What? What? -Hey? H'm? -H'm? I-I-I'm gonna buy you these books, I think, because I-I think you should read them. You know, instead of that cat book. -I-I-I'm gonna buy you these books, I think, because I-I think you should read them. You know, instead of that cat book. That's, uh... that's pretty serious stuff there. -That's, uh... that's pretty serious stuff there. Yeah, 'cause I-I'm, you know, I'm, I'm obsessed with-with, uh, with death, I think. Big- -Yeah, 'cause I-I'm, you know, I'm, I'm obsessed with-with, uh, with death, I think. Big- Yeah? -Yeah? big subject with me, yeah. -big subject with me, yeah. Yeah? -I've a very pessimistic view of life. You should know this about me if we're gonna go out, you know. I-I-I feel that life is-is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. M'hm. -M'hm. Those are the two categories... -Those are the two categories... M'hm. -M'hm. ...you know, they're- The-the horrible would be like, uh, I don't know, terminal cases, you know? -...you know, they're- The-the horrible would be like, uh, I don't know, terminal cases, you know? M'hm. -M'hm. And blind people, crippled... -And blind people, crippled... Yeah. -Yeah. I don't-don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. -I don't-don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. M'hm. -M'hm. You know, and the miserable is everyone else. That's-that's all. So- so when you go through life you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's- You're very lucky... to be... ...to be miserable. -You know, and the miserable is everyone else. That's-that's all. So- so when you go through life you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's- You're very lucky... to be... ...to be miserable. U-huh. -Look, look at that guy. M'hm. -M'hm. There's-there's-there's-there's Mr. When-in-the-Pink, Mr. Miami Beach, there, you know? He's the latest! just came back from the gin-rummy farm last night. He placed third. -There's-there's-there's-there's Mr. When-in-the-Pink, Mr. Miami Beach, there, you know? He's the latest! just came back from the gin-rummy farm last night. He placed third. M'hm. Yeah. Yeah. -Look at these guys. Yeah. -Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. They're back from Fire Island. They're... they're sort of giving it a chance-you know what I mean? -Oh, that's hilarious. They're back from Fire Island. They're... they're sort of giving it a chance-you know what I mean? Oh! Italian, right? -Oh! Italian, right? Yeah, he's the Mafia. Linen Supply Business or Cement and Contract, you know what I mean? -Yeah, he's the Mafia. Linen Supply Business or Cement and Contract, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. No, I'm serious. I just got my mustache wet. -No, I'm serious. I just got my mustache wet. Oh, yeah? -Oh, yeah? And there's the winner of the Truman Capote look-alike contest. -You see, like you and I... You are extremely sexy. -You are extremely sexy. No, I'm not. -No, I'm not. Unbelievably sexy. Yes, you are. Because... you know what you are? You're-you're polymorphously perverse. -Unbelievably sexy. Yes, you are. Because... you know what you are? You're-you're polymorphously perverse. Well, what does-what does that mean? I don't know what that is. -Well, what does-what does that mean? I don't know what that is. Uh... uh, you're-you're exceptional in bed because you got -you get pleasure in every part of your body when I touch you. -Uh... uh, you're-you're exceptional in bed because you got -you get pleasure in every part of your body when I touch you. Ooooh! -You know what I mean? Like the tip o'your nose, and if I stroke your teeth or your kneecaps... you get excited. Come on. Yeah. You know what? You know, I like you, I really mean it. I really do like you. -Come on. Yeah. You know what? You know, I like you, I really mean it. I really do like you. You- Do you love me? -You- Do you love me? Do I love you? -Do I love you? That's the key question. -That's the key question. Yeah. -Yeah. I know you've only known me a short while. -I know you've only known me a short while. Well, I certainly... I think that's very- Yeah, yeah... yeah. Do you love me? -Well, I certainly... I think that's very- Yeah, yeah... yeah. Do you love me? I-uh, love is, uh, is too weak a word for what... -I-uh, love is, uh, is too weak a word for what... Yeah. -Yeah. I love you. You know I lo-ove you, I-I love you. I-I have to invent- Of course I love you. -I love you. You know I lo-ove you, I-I love you. I-I have to invent- Of course I love you. Yeah. -Yeah. Don't you think I do? -Don't you think I do? I dunno. -Whatta you mean? You're not gonna give up your own apartment, are you? Of course. -Of course. Yeah, bu-bu-but why? -Yeah, bu-bu-but why? Well, I mean, I'm moving in with you, that's why. -Well, I mean, I'm moving in with you, that's why. Yeah, but you-you got a nice apartment. -Yeah, but you-you got a nice apartment. I have a tiny apartment. -I have a tiny apartment. Yeah, I know it's small. -Yeah, I know it's small. That's right, and it's got bad plumbing and bugs. -That's right, and it's got bad plumbing and bugs. All right, granted, it has bad plumbing and bugs, but you-you say that like it's a negative thing. You know, bugs are-are-uh, entomology is a... ...rapidly growing field. -All right, granted, it has bad plumbing and bugs, but you-you say that like it's a negative thing. You know, bugs are-are-uh, entomology is a... ...rapidly growing field. You don't want me to live with you? -You don't want me to live with you? How- I don't want you to live with me? How- Whose idea was it? -How- I don't want you to live with me? How- Whose idea was it? Mine. -Mine. Ye-ah. Was it... It was yours actually, but, uh, I approved it immediately. -Ye-ah. Was it... It was yours actually, but, uh, I approved it immediately. I guess you think that I talked you into something, huh? -I guess you think that I talked you into something, huh? No-what, what...? I... we live together, we sleep together, we eat together. Jesus, you don't want it to be like we're married, do yuh? -How is it any different? It's different 'cause you keep your own apartment. Because you know it's there, we don't have to go to it, we don't have to deal with it, but it's like a-a-a free-floating life raft... that we know that we're not married. -That little apartment is four hundred dollars a month, Alvy. That place is four hundred dollars a month? -That place is four hundred dollars a month? Yes, it is. -Yes, it is. It's-it's got bad plumbing and bugs. Jesus, I'll-My accountant will write it off as a tax deduction, I'll pay for it. -It's-it's got bad plumbing and bugs. Jesus, I'll-My accountant will write it off as a tax deduction, I'll pay for it. You don't think I'm smart enough to be serious about. -You don't think I'm smart enough to be serious about. Hey, don't be ridiculous. -Then why are you always pushing me to take those college courses like I was dumb or something? 'Cause adult education's a wonderful thing. You meet a lotta interesting professors. You know, it's stimulating. -"Does this sound like a good course? Uh, ""Modern American Poetry""? Uh, or, uh-let's see now... maybe I should, uh, take ""Introduction to the Novel.""" Just don't take any course where they make you read Beowulf. -Just don't take any course where they make you read Beowulf. What? Hey, listen, what-what do you think? Do you think we should, uh, go to that-that party in Southampton tonight? -No, don't be silly. What-what do we need other people for? You know, we should-we should just turn out the lights, you know, and play hide and seek or something. Well, okay. Well, listen, I'm gonna get a cigarette, okay? -Well, okay. Well, listen, I'm gonna get a cigarette, okay? Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday. -Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday. Well, have you ever made love high? -Well, have you ever made love high? Me, no. You... I-I-you know, if I have grass or alcohol or anything I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. You know, I don't-I don't know why you have to, uh, get high every time we make love. -Me, no. You... I-I-you know, if I have grass or alcohol or anything I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. You know, I don't-I don't know why you have to, uh, get high every time we make love. It relaxes me. -It relaxes me. Oh, you-you have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed? -Oh, you-you have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed? Well, what's the difference, anyway? -Well, what's the difference, anyway? Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentothal. You can sleep through it. -Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentothal. You can sleep through it. Oh, come on, look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years. You should smoke some o' this. You'd be off the couch in no time. -Oh, come on, look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years. You should smoke some o' this. You'd be off the couch in no time. Oh, come, you don't need that. -What are you doing? No, no, no, what... You can once, you can live without it once. Come on. -No, no, no, what... You can once, you can live without it once. Come on. Oh, no, Alvy, please. Alvy, please. M'mrnm. -Oh, no, Alvy, please. Alvy, please. M'mrnm. M'm, wait, I got a great idea. Hang in there for a second. I got a little-little artifact. A little erotic artifact, that-that I brought up from the city, which I think, uh, is gonna be perfect. I just... there... There's a little Old New Orleans... essence. Now-now we can go about our business here and we can even develop photographs if we want to. There, now there. M'mmm. M'mmm. Hey, is something wrong? -M'm, wait, I got a great idea. Hang in there for a second. I got a little-little artifact. A little erotic artifact, that-that I brought up from the city, which I think, uh, is gonna be perfect. I just... there... There's a little Old New Orleans... essence. Now-now we can go about our business here and we can even develop photographs if we want to. There, now there. M'mmm. M'mmm. Hey, is something wrong? Uh-uh-why? -Uh-uh-why? I don't know. You- It's like you're- you're removed. -I don't know. You- It's like you're- you're removed. No, I'm fine. -Really? U-huh. -U-huh. I don't know, but you seem sort of distant. -I don't know, but you seem sort of distant. Let's just do it, all right? -Let's just do it, all right? Is it my imagination or are you just going through the motions? -Oh, you have my body. Yeah, but that's not-that's no good. I want the whole thing. -Yeah, but that's not-that's no good. I want the whole thing. Well, I need grass and so do you. -Well, I need grass and so do you. Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass because, you know, I'm, like, a comedian- -Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass because, you know, I'm, like, a comedian- M'hm. -M'hm. so if I get a laugh from a person who's high, it doesn't count. You know-'cause they're always laughin'. -so if I get a laugh from a person who's high, it doesn't count. You know-'cause they're always laughin'. Were you always funny? -Were you always funny? Hey, what is this-an interview? We're supposed to be making love. -Alvy, you were... Alvy, you were just great, I'm not kidding. It was- You were so neat. C-c-coll- College audiences are so wonderful. -C-c-coll- College audiences are so wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. And you know something? I think that I'm starting to get more of your references, too. -Yeah. Yeah. And you know something? I think that I'm starting to get more of your references, too. Are yuh? -Are yuh? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, the twelve o'clock show is completely different than the nine. -You're so sure about it. Oh, I'm really, uh, looking forward to tomorrow. I mean, you know, I think that it'll be really nice to meet Mother and Father. -Yeah, I know, they'll hate me immediately. Thank you. No, I don't think so. No, I don't think they're gonna hate you at all. On the contrary, I think- -No, I don't think so. No, I don't think they're gonna hate you at all. On the contrary, I think- Yeah. -Yeah. It's Easter. You know, we'll have a nice dinner, we'll sit down and eat. I think they're gonna really like you. -You followed me. I can't believe it! I didn't follow you! -I didn't follow you! You followed me! -You followed me! Why? 'Cause I... was walkin' along a block behind you staring at you? That's not following! -Why? 'Cause I... was walkin' along a block behind you staring at you? That's not following! Well, what is your definition of following? -Well, what is your definition of following? Following is different. I was spying. -Following is different. I was spying. Do you realize how paranoid you are? -Do you realize how paranoid you are? Paranoid? I'm looking at you. You got your arms around another guy. -Paranoid? I'm looking at you. You got your arms around another guy. That is the worst kind of paranoia. -That is the worst kind of paranoia. Yeah-well, I didn't start out spying. I-I thought I'd surprise yuh. Pick you up after school. -Yeah-well, I didn't start out spying. I-I thought I'd surprise yuh. Pick you up after school. Yeah-well, you wanted to keep the relationship flexible, remember? It's your phrase. -Yeah-well, you wanted to keep the relationship flexible, remember? It's your phrase. "Oh, stop it. But you were having an affair with your college professor. That jerk that teaches that incredible crap course ""Contemporary Crisis in Western Man""!" -"Oh, stop it. But you were having an affair with your college professor. That jerk that teaches that incredible crap course ""Contemporary Crisis in Western Man""!" """Existential Motifs in Russian Literature""! You're really close." -"""Existential Motifs in Russian Literature""! You're really close." What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation. -What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation. Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about! -Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love. We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat. -We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat. """Neat""! There's that- What are you- twelve years old? That's one o' your Chippewa Falls expressions! ""He thinks I'm neat.""" -"""Neat""! There's that- What are you- twelve years old? That's one o' your Chippewa Falls expressions! ""He thinks I'm neat.""" Who cares? Who cares? -Who cares? Who cares? Next thing you know he'll find you keen and peachy, you know? Next thing you know he's got his hand on your ass! -You've always had hostility toward David ever since I mentioned him! David? You call your teacher David? -David? You call your teacher David? It's his name. -It's his name. Well, listen, that's, a nice bi-it's a biblical name. Right? W-What does he call you? Bathsheba? -I'm home! Oh, yeah? How'd it go? -Oh, yeah? How'd it go? Oh, it was... really weird. But she's a very nice woman. -Oh, it was... really weird. But she's a very nice woman. Yeah? -Yeah? And I didn't have to lie down on the couch, Alvy, she had me sitting up. So I told her about-about the-the family and about my feelings toward men and about my relationship with my brother. -And I didn't have to lie down on the couch, Alvy, she had me sitting up. So I told her about-about the-the family and about my feelings toward men and about my relationship with my brother. M'm. -M'm. And then she mentioned penis envy... Did you know about that? -And then she mentioned penis envy... Did you know about that? Me? I'm-I'm one of the few males who suffers from that, so, so... you know. -Me? I'm-I'm one of the few males who suffers from that, so, so... you know. M'hm. -M'hm. G-go on, I'm interested. -G-go on, I'm interested. Well, she said that I was very guilty about my impulses toward marriage, and-and children. -Well, she said that I was very guilty about my impulses toward marriage, and-and children. M'hm. -M'hm. And then I remembered when I was a kid how I accidentally saw my parents making love. -And then I remembered when I was a kid how I accidentally saw my parents making love. Tsch. Rea- All this happened in the first hour? -Tsch. Rea- All this happened in the first hour? M'hm. -M'hm. That's amazing. I-I-I... I've been goin' for fifteen years, I-you know, I don't got... nothing like that in- -That's amazing. I-I-I... I've been goin' for fifteen years, I-you know, I don't got... nothing like that in- Oh, I told her my dream and then I cried. -Oh, I told her my dream and then I cried. You cried? I've never once cried. Fantastic... -You cried? I've never once cried. Fantastic... Yeah. -Yeah. I whine. I-I-I sit and I whine. -I whine. I-I-I sit and I whine. In-in... Alvy, in my dream Frank Sinatra is holding his pillow across my face and I can't breathe. -In-in... Alvy, in my dream Frank Sinatra is holding his pillow across my face and I can't breathe. Sinatra? -Sinatra? Yeah, and he's strangling me... -Yeah, and he's strangling me... Yeah? -Yeah? and I keep, you know, it's- -and I keep, you know, it's- Well, well, sure... because he's a singer and you're a singer, you know, so it's perfect. So you're trying to suffocate yourself. It-it makes perfect sense. Uh, uh, that's a perfect analytic... kind of insight. -Well, well, sure... because he's a singer and you're a singer, you know, so it's perfect. So you're trying to suffocate yourself. It-it makes perfect sense. Uh, uh, that's a perfect analytic... kind of insight. She said, your name was Alvy Singer. -She said, your name was Alvy Singer. Whatta you mean? Me? -Whatta you mean? Me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you. Because in the dream... I break Sinatra's glasses. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, you. Because in the dream... I break Sinatra's glasses. Sinatra had gl- You never said Sinatra had glasses. So whatta you saying that I-I'm suffocating you? -Sinatra had gl- You never said Sinatra had glasses. So whatta you saying that I-I'm suffocating you? Oh, and God, Alvy, I did... this really terrible thing to him. Because then when he sang it was in this real high-pitched voice. -Oh, and God, Alvy, I did... this really terrible thing to him. Because then when he sang it was in this real high-pitched voice. Tsch, what'd the doctor say? -Tsch, what'd the doctor say? Well, she said that I should probably come five times a week. And you know something? I don't think I mind analysis at all. The only question is, will it change my wife? -Well, she said that I should probably come five times a week. And you know something? I don't think I mind analysis at all. The only question is, will it change my wife? Will it change your wife? -Will it change your wife? Will it change my life? -Will it change my life? "Yeah, but you said, ""Will it change my wife""!" -"Yeah, but you said, ""Will it change my wife""!" "No, I didn't. I said, ""Will it change my life,"" Alvy." -"No, I didn't. I said, ""Will it change my life,"" Alvy." "You said, ""Will it change..."" Wife. Will it change..." -"You said, ""Will it change..."" Wife. Will it change..." "Life. I said, ""life.""" -"She said, ""Will it change my wife."" You heard that because you were there so I'm not crazy." And, Alvy... and then I told her about how I didn't think you'd ever really take me seriously, because you don't think that I'm smart enough. -Adult education is such junk! The professors are so phony. How can you do it? A bit rapidly. I don't care what you say about David, he's a perfectly fine teacher! -A bit rapidly. I don't care what you say about David, he's a perfectly fine teacher! David! David! I can't believe this! -David! David! I can't believe this! And what are you doing following me around for, anyway? -And what are you doing following me around for, anyway? I'm following you and David, if you- -I'm following you and David, if you- I just think we oughta call this relationship quits! -What's- It's me, open up. Oh. -Oh. Are you okay? What's the matter? Are you all right? What- -Are you okay? What's the matter? Are you all right? What- There's a spider in the bathroom. -There's a spider in the bathroom. What? -What? There's a big black spider in the bathroom. -There's a big black spider in the bathroom. That's what you got me here for at three o'clock in the morning, 'cause there's a spider in the bathroom? -That's what you got me here for at three o'clock in the morning, 'cause there's a spider in the bathroom? My God, I mean, you know how I am about insects. -My God, I mean, you know how I am about insects. Oooh. -Oooh. I can't sleep with a live thing crawling around in the bathroom. -I can't sleep with a live thing crawling around in the bathroom. Kill it! For Go- What's wrong with you? Don't you have a can of Raid in the house? -Kill it! For Go- What's wrong with you? Don't you have a can of Raid in the house? No. -I told you a thousand times you should always keep, uh, a lotta insect spray. You never know who's gonna crawl over. I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and a fire extinguisher. -I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and a fire extinguisher. Jesus. All right, gimme a magazine. I- 'cause I'm a little tired. You know, you, you joke with-about me, you make fun of me, but I'm prepared for anything. An emergency, a tidal wave, an earthquake. Hey, what is this? What? Did you go to a rock concert? -Jesus. All right, gimme a magazine. I- 'cause I'm a little tired. You know, you, you joke with-about me, you make fun of me, but I'm prepared for anything. An emergency, a tidal wave, an earthquake. Hey, what is this? What? Did you go to a rock concert? Yeah. -Yeah. Oh, yeah, really? Really? How-how'd you like it? Was it-was it, I mean, did it... was it heavy? Did it achieve total heavy-ocity? Or was it, uh... -Oh, yeah, really? Really? How-how'd you like it? Was it-was it, I mean, did it... was it heavy? Did it achieve total heavy-ocity? Or was it, uh... It was just great! -It was just great! Oh, humdinger. When- Well, I got a wonderful idea. Why don'tcha get the guy who took you to the rock concert, we'll call him and he can come over and kill the spider. You know, it's a- -"What is this? What are you, since when do you read the ""National Review""? What are you turning in to?" Well, I like to try to get all points of view. -Well, I like to try to get all points of view. It's wonderful. Then why don'tcha get William F. Buckley to kill the spider? -It's wonderful. Then why don'tcha get William F. Buckley to kill the spider? Alvy, you're a little hostile, you know that? Not only that, you look thin and tired. -Well, I was in be- It's three o'clock in the morning. You, uh, you got me outta bed, I ran over here, I couldn't get a taxi cab. You said it was an emergency, and I didn't ge- I ran up the stairs. Hell - I was a lot more attractive when the evening began. Look, uh, tell- Whatta you- Are you going with a right-wing rock-and- roll star? Is that possible? Would you like a glass of chocolate milk? -Would you like a glass of chocolate milk? Hey, what am I-your son? Whatta you mean? I-I came over to -- -Hey, what am I-your son? Whatta you mean? I-I came over to -- I got the good chocolate, Alvy. -I got the good chocolate, Alvy. Yeah, where is the spider? -Yeah, where is the spider? It really is lovely. It's in the bathroom. -It really is lovely. It's in the bathroom. Is he in the bathroom? -Is he in the bathroom? Hey, don't squish it, and after it's dead, flush it down the toilet, okay? And flush it a couple o' times. -Hey, don't squish it, and after it's dead, flush it down the toilet, okay? And flush it a couple o' times. Darling, darling, I've been killing spiders since I was thirty, okay? -Darling, darling, I've been killing spiders since I was thirty, okay? Oh. What? -Oh. What? Very big spider. -Very big spider. Yeah? -Yeah? Two... Yeah. Lotta, lotta trouble. There's two of 'em. -Two? Yep. I didn't think it was that big, but it's a major spider. You got a broom or something with a- -Yep. I didn't think it was that big, but it's a major spider. You got a broom or something with a- Oh, I-I left it at your house. -Oh, I-I left it at your house. snow shovel or anything or something. -snow shovel or anything or something. I think I left it there, I'm sorry. -Okay, let me have this. Well, what are you doing... what are you doing with- -Well, what are you doing... what are you doing with- Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick. -Hey, what is this? You got black soap? It's for my complexion. -It's for my complexion. Whatta-whatta yuh joining a minstrel show? Geez. Don't worry! I did it! I killed them both. What- what's the matter? Whatta you- whatta you sad about? You- What'd you want me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate 'em? -Whatta-whatta yuh joining a minstrel show? Geez. Don't worry! I did it! I killed them both. What- what's the matter? Whatta you- whatta you sad about? You- What'd you want me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate 'em? Oh, don't go, okay? Please. -Oh, don't go, okay? Please. Whatta you mean, don't go? Whatta- whatta what's the matter? Whatta you expecting termites? What's the matter? -Whatta you mean, don't go? Whatta- whatta what's the matter? Whatta you expecting termites? What's the matter? Oh, uh, I don't know. I miss you. Tsch. -Oh, Jesus, really? Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh! Alvy? -Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh! Alvy? What? -Was there somebody in your room when I called you? W-w-whatta you mean? -W-w-whatta you mean? I mean was there another- I thought I heard a voice. -I mean was there another- I thought I heard a voice. Oh, I had the radio on. -Oh, I had the radio on. Yeah? -Yeah? I'm sorry. I had the television set had the television- -I'm sorry. I had the television set had the television- Yeah. -Alvy, let's never break up again. I don't wanna be apart. Oh, no, no, I think we're both much too mature for something like that. -Oh, no, no, I think we're both much too mature for something like that. Living together hasn't been so bad, has it? -Living together hasn't been so bad, has it? It's all right for me, it's been terrific, you know? Better than either one of my marriages. See, 'cause... 'cause there's just something different about you. I don't know what it is, but it's great. -It's all right for me, it's been terrific, you know? Better than either one of my marriages. See, 'cause... 'cause there's just something different about you. I don't know what it is, but it's great. You know I think that if you let me, maybe I could help you have more fun, you know? I mean, I know it's hard and... Yeah. -You know I think that if you let me, maybe I could help you have more fun, you know? I mean, I know it's hard and... Yeah. I don't know. -I don't know. Alvy, what about... what if we go away this weekend, and we could- -Alvy, what about... what if we go away this weekend, and we could- Tsch, why don't we get... why don't we get Rob, and the three of us'll drive into Brooklyn, you know, and we show you the old neighborhood. -Tsch, why don't we get... why don't we get Rob, and the three of us'll drive into Brooklyn, you know, and we show you the old neighborhood. Okay, okay. Okay. -Okay, okay. Okay. That'd be fun for yuh. Don't you think- -That'd be fun for yuh. Don't you think- Yeah. --me, my God, it's a great day! Hey, can yuh watch the road? Watch the -- -Oh, look, look, there's that... that's that's my old house. That's where we used to live. Holy cow! -Well, I had a really good day, you know that? It was just a real fine way to spend my birthday. Ah? Oh, well, your birthday's not till tomorrow, honey, I hate to tell yuh. -Ah? Oh, well, your birthday's not till tomorrow, honey, I hate to tell yuh. Yeah, but it's real close. -Yeah, but it's real close. Yeah, but no presents till midnight. -Yeah, but no presents till midnight. Oh, darn it. -Happy birthday. What is this? Is this a... Present? Are you kidding? -What is this? Is this a... Present? Are you kidding? Yeah, hey, why don't yuh try it on? -Yeah, hey, why don't yuh try it on? Uh, yeah, uh... t-t-this is more like a present for you, yeah, but it's- -Uh, yeah, uh... t-t-this is more like a present for you, yeah, but it's- Try it... it'll add years to our sex life. -Try it... it'll add years to our sex life. Uh huh. Yeah. Forget it. -Here's a real present. What... huh? -What... huh? Check it out. -Check it out. Oh, yeah? What is this, anyway? Let me see. Okay, let's... oooh, God! Oh, you knew I wanted this... God, it's terrific, God! -Oh, yeah? What is this, anyway? Let me see. Okay, let's... oooh, God! Oh, you knew I wanted this... God, it's terrific, God! Yeah, I know. Just-just put on the watch, and-and... that thing, and we'll just... -Yeah, I know. Just-just put on the watch, and-and... that thing, and we'll just... Oh! My God! -You were-you were sensational. I mean, I-you know, I-I told yuh that if yuh stuck to it, you would be great, and-and, you know, I-I-you- you were sensational. Yeah, well, we have the, I mean, they were just a terrific audience, I mean, you know, it makes it really easy for me, because I can be... huh? -Remember, we had that thing. What thing? -What thing? Don't you remember we-we-we discussed that thing that we were- -Don't you remember we-we-we discussed that thing that we were- Thing? -Thing? yes, we had, uh... -yes, we had, uh... Oh, the thing! Oh, the thing... ...yeah... yeah. -What's... you... well, what's the matter, You w-wanna go to that party? I don't know, I thought it might be kind of fun, you know what I mean, it'd be nice to meet some new people. -I don't know, I thought it might be kind of fun, you know what I mean, it'd be nice to meet some new people. I'm just not... you know, I don't think I could take a mellow eve- 'cause I-I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I-I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then rot. You know, and it's-it's not good for my... -I'm just not... you know, I don't think I could take a mellow eve- 'cause I-I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I-I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then rot. You know, and it's-it's not good for my... All right, all right, you don't wanna go to the party, so uh, whatta you wanna do? -That day in Brooklyn was the last day I remember really having a great time. Well, we never have any laughs anymore, is the problem. -Well, we never have any laughs anymore, is the problem. Well, I've been moody and dissatisfied. -Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week. Constantly! I'd say three times a week. Like the other night, Alvy wanted to have sex. -Constantly! I'd say three times a week. Like the other night, Alvy wanted to have sex. She would not sleep with me the other night, you know, it's- -She would not sleep with me the other night, you know, it's- And... I don't know... I mean, six months ago I-I woulda done it. I woulda done it, just to please him. -And... I don't know... I mean, six months ago I-I woulda done it. I woulda done it, just to please him. I mean... I tried everything, you know, I-I-I put on soft music and my- my red light bulb, and... -I mean... I tried everything, you know, I-I-I put on soft music and my- my red light bulb, and... But the thing is-I mean, since our discussions here, I feel I have a right to my own feelings. I think you woulda been happy because... uh, uh, I really asserted myself. -But the thing is-I mean, since our discussions here, I feel I have a right to my own feelings. I think you woulda been happy because... uh, uh, I really asserted myself. The incredible thing about it is, I'm paying for her analysis and she's making progress and I'm getting screwed. -The incredible thing about it is, I'm paying for her analysis and she's making progress and I'm getting screwed. I don't know, though, I feel so guilty because Alvy is paying for it, so, you know, so I do feel guilty if I don't go to bed with him. But if I do go to bed with him, it's like I'm going against my own feelings. I don't know I-I can't win. -I don't know, though, I feel so guilty because Alvy is paying for it, so, you know, so I do feel guilty if I don't go to bed with him. But if I do go to bed with him, it's like I'm going against my own feelings. I don't know I-I can't win. You know... it's getting expensive my analyst... for her analyst. She- she's making progress and I'm not making any progress. Her progress is defeating my progress. -You know... it's getting expensive my analyst... for her analyst. She- she's making progress and I'm not making any progress. Her progress is defeating my progress. Sometimes I think-sometimes I think I should just live with a woman. -You never wanna try anything new, Alvy. How can you say that? I mean, who said I-I-I-I said that you, I and that girl from your acting class should sleep together in a threesome. -How can you say that? I mean, who said I-I-I-I said that you, I and that girl from your acting class should sleep together in a threesome. That's sick! -That's sick! Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new. You know, you didn't say it couldn't be sick. -Yeah. Come on. It'd be fun. Oh, I'm sure it's a lot of fun, 'cause the Incas did it, you know, and-and they-they-they were a million laughs. -Oh, I'm sure it's a lot of fun, 'cause the Incas did it, you know, and-and they-they-they were a million laughs. Alvy, come on, for your own experience. I mean, you wanna write, why not? -...I'm thrilled. As you know, uh... uh, on my agent's advice I sold out, and I'm gonna do an appearance on TV. No, no, no that's not it at all. Alvy's giving an award on television. Gee, he talks like he's violating a moral issue sitting here. -God. Really? And what is the kick of it? Because I never... -God, it's so clean out here. It's that they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. -Oh, oh, no, I can't-I can't eat this. I'm nauseous. If you could-if you could just give me something to get me through the next two hours, you know I-I have to go out to Burbank... and give out an award on a TV show. Well... H-h huh... Oh, good... Yes, I'll tell him. -Excuse me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Doctor. Uh, Alvy-Alvy, that was the show. They said everything is fine. They found a replacement, so they're going to tape without you. I'm nauseous. Oh, jesus, now I don't get to do the TV show? -Christ! Nothing at all? -Yeah, this place is great. Yeah. -I'm into garbage. It's my thing. Boy, this is really a nice screening room. It's really a nice room. -Oh, good. Okay. I'm cool. -It's wonderful. I mean, you know they just watch movies all day. Yeah, and gradually you get old and die. You know it's important to make a little effort once in a while. -Yeah, and gradually you get old and die. You know it's important to make a little effort once in a while. Don't you think his girl friend's beautiful? -Don't you think his girl friend's beautiful? Yeah, she's got a great-lookin' fa- A pat on the androgynous side. But it's... -Alvy, uh, let's face it. You know something, don't think our relationship is working. Tsch, I know. A relationship, I think, is-is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. -"Whose ""Catcher in the Rye"" is this?" Well, let's see now... If it has my name on it, then I guess it's mine. -Well, let's see now... If it has my name on it, then I guess it's mine. Oh, it sure has... You know, you wrote your name in all my books, 'cause you knew this day was gonna come. -Oh, it sure has... You know, you wrote your name in all my books, 'cause you knew this day was gonna come. Well, uh, Alvy, you wanted to break up just as much as I do. -Well, uh, Alvy, you wanted to break up just as much as I do. There's no-no question in my mind. I think we're doing the mature thing, without any doubt. -There's no-no question in my mind. I think we're doing the mature thing, without any doubt. Now, look, all the books on death and dying are yours and all the poetry books are mine. -Now, look, all the books on death and dying are yours and all the poetry books are mine. "This ""Denial of Death"". You remember this?" -"This ""Denial of Death"". You remember this?" Oh- -Oh- This is the first book that I got you. -God. Remember that day? -Remember that day? Right. Geez, I feel like there's a great weight off my back. M'mmm. -Right. Geez, I feel like there's a great weight off my back. M'mmm. Thanks, honey. -Thanks, honey. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, you know, no, no, no, I mean, I think it's really important for us to explore new relationships and stuff like that. -Yeah, my analyst thinks this move is keen for me. Yeah, and I-I tru- you know, I trust her, because my-my analyst recommended her. -Yeah, and I-I tru- you know, I trust her, because my-my analyst recommended her. Well, why should I put you through all my moods and hang-ups anyway? -Well, why should I put you through all my moods and hang-ups anyway? Right. And you-and you know what the beauty part is? -Right. And you-and you know what the beauty part is? What? -What? We can always come back together again. Because there's no-there's no problem. 'Cause... Right. -We can always come back together again. Because there's no-there's no problem. 'Cause... Right. Exactly, but... exactly. Ooooh! -Exactly, but... exactly. Ooooh! You know, I-I-I don't think many couples could handle this. You know, they could just break up and remain friends. -You know, I-I-I don't think many couples could handle this. You know, they could just break up and remain friends. Hey, this one's mine, this button. This one, you rem- -Hey, this one's mine, this button. This one, you rem- Yeah. -Yeah. I guess these are all yours. Impeach, uh, Eisenhower... Impeach Nixon... Impeach Lyndon Johnson... Impeach Ronald Reagan. -You look very pretty. Oh, no, I just lost a little weight, that's all. Well, you look nice. -Oh, no, I just lost a little weight, that's all. Well, you look nice. You see, I-I've been thinking about it and I think that we should get married. -You see, I-I've been thinking about it and I think that we should get married. Oh, Alvy, come on. -Oh, Alvy, come on. Why? You wanna live out here all year? It's like living in Munchkin Land. -Why? You wanna live out here all year? It's like living in Munchkin Land. Well, whatta you mean? I mean, it's perfectly fine out here. I mean, Tony's very nice and, uh, well, I meet people and I go to parties and- and we play tennis. I mean, that's... that's a very big step for me, you know? I mean... I'm able to enjoy people more. -Well, whatta you mean? I mean, it's perfectly fine out here. I mean, Tony's very nice and, uh, well, I meet people and I go to parties and- and we play tennis. I mean, that's... that's a very big step for me, you know? I mean... I'm able to enjoy people more. So whatta you... You're not gonna come back to New York? -So whatta you... You're not gonna come back to New York? "What's so great about New York? I mean, it's a dying city. You read ""Death in Venice.""" -"What's so great about New York? I mean, it's a dying city. You read ""Death in Venice.""" "Hey, you didn't read ""Death in Venice"" till I bought it for yuh." -"Hey, you didn't read ""Death in Venice"" till I bought it for yuh." "That's right, that's right. You only gave me books with the word ""death"" in the titles." -"That's right, that's right. You only gave me books with the word ""death"" in the titles." That's right, 'cause it's an important issue. -That's right, 'cause it's an important issue. Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean, your life is New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself. -Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean, your life is New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself. I can't enjoy anything unless I... unless everybody is. I-you know, if one guy is starving someplace, that's... you know, I-I... it puts a crimp in my evening. So wanna get married or what? -I can't enjoy anything unless I... unless everybody is. I-you know, if one guy is starving someplace, that's... you know, I-I... it puts a crimp in my evening. So wanna get married or what? No. We're friends. I wanna remain friends. -No. We're friends. I wanna remain friends. Okay. Check, please. Can I -can I... Can I... Can I... -Okay. Check, please. Can I -can I... Can I... Can I... You're mad, aren't you? -You're mad, aren't you? No. Yes, of course I'm mad, because you love me, I know that. -No. Yes, of course I'm mad, because you love me, I know that. Alvy, I can't say that that's true at this point in my life. I really just can't say that that's true. I mean, you know how wonderful you are. I mean, you know... you're the reason that I got outta my room and that I was able to sing, and-and- and, you know, get more in touch with my feelings and all that crap. Anyway, look, I don't wanna- Listen, listen, listen, uh h'h, so whatta you up to anyway, huh? -Alvy, I can't say that that's true at this point in my life. I really just can't say that that's true. I mean, you know how wonderful you are. I mean, you know... you're the reason that I got outta my room and that I was able to sing, and-and- and, you know, get more in touch with my feelings and all that crap. Anyway, look, I don't wanna- Listen, listen, listen, uh h'h, so whatta you up to anyway, huh? The usual, you know. Uh, tryin' t' write. I'm workin' on a play. Jesus. So whatta yuh saying? That you're not comin' back to New York with me? -You mean that... I-I-I-I flew three thousand miles to see you. I'm late. -I'm late. Air miles, you know. I mean, you know what that does to my stomach? -If you must know, it's a hectic time for Tony. The Grammys are tonight. The what? -The what? The Grammys. He's got a lotta records up for awards. -The Grammys. He's got a lotta records up for awards. You mean they give awards for that kind o' music? -You mean they give awards for that kind o' music? Oh! -Oh! I thought just earplugs. -Alvy. Oh, hi, Duane, how's it goin'? -Oh, hi, Duane, how's it goin'? This is my room. -This is my room. Oh, yeah? Terrific. -Oh, yeah? Terrific. Can I confess something? -I tell you this because, as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline. Right. Tsch, well, I have to-I have t-o go now, Duane, because I-I'm due back on the planet earth. -What'd I do? Step up here! -Step up here! What'd I do? -What'd I do? You should be ashamed of yourself. -Why, I was just expressing a healthy sexual curiosity. Six-year-old boys don't have girls on their minds. -Six-year-old boys don't have girls on their minds. I did. -Why couldn't you have been more like Donald? Now, there was a model boy! Tell the folks where you are today, Donald. -Yeah, two more chairs and they got a dining-room set. Why are you so hostile? -Why are you so hostile? 'Cause I wanna watch the Knicks on television. -'Cause I wanna watch the Knicks on television. "Is that Paul Goodman? No. And be nice to the host because he's publishing my book. Hi, Doug! Douglas Wyatt. ""A Foul-Rag-and-Bone Shop-of- the-Heart.""" -I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for Dysentery. Commentary. -Commentary. Oh, really, I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery. -Oh, really, I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery. No jokes-these are friends, okay? -Here you are. There's people out there. Hey, you wouldn't believe this. Two minutes ago, the Knicks are ahead fourteen points, and now... they're ahead two points. -Hey, you wouldn't believe this. Two minutes ago, the Knicks are ahead fourteen points, and now... they're ahead two points. Alvy, what is so fascinating about a group of pituitary cases trying to stuff the ball through a hoop? -Alvy, what is so fascinating about a group of pituitary cases trying to stuff the ball through a hoop? What's fascinating is that it's physical. You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on. But on the other hand... the body doesn't lie, as-as we now know. -Alvy, don't! You're using sex to express hostility. """Why-why do you always r-reduce my animal urges to psychoanalytic categories? he said as he removed her brassiere...""" -"""Why-why do you always r-reduce my animal urges to psychoanalytic categories? he said as he removed her brassiere...""" There are people out there from The New Yorker magazine. My God! What would they think? -Oh, I'm sorry! Don't get upset! -Don't get upset! Dammit! I was so close. -Jesus, last night it was some guy honking his car horn. I mean, the city can't close down. You know, what-whatta yuh gonna do, h-have 'em shut down the airport, too? No more flights so we can have sex? I'm too tense. I need a Valium. My analyst says I should live in the country and not in New York. -I'm too tense. I need a Valium. My analyst says I should live in the country and not in New York. Well, I can't li- We can't have this discussion all the time. The country makes me nervous. There's... You got crickets and it-it's quiet... there's no place to walk after dinner, and... uh, there's the screens with the dead moths behind them, and... uh, yuh got the-the Manson family possibly, yuh got Dick and Terry- -Well, I can't li- We can't have this discussion all the time. The country makes me nervous. There's... You got crickets and it-it's quiet... there's no place to walk after dinner, and... uh, there's the screens with the dead moths behind them, and... uh, yuh got the-the Manson family possibly, yuh got Dick and Terry- Okay, okay, my analyst just thinks I'm too tense. Where's the goddamn Valium? -Hey, come on, it's quiet now. We can- we can start again. I can't. -I can't. What- -What- My head is throbbing. -My head is throbbing. Oh, you got a headache! -Oh, you got a headache! I have a headache. -I have a headache. Bad? -Bad? Oswald and ghosts. -Oswald and ghosts. Jesus! -Where are you going? Well, I'm-I'm gonna take another in a series of cold showers. -Man, that's great. That's just great. You catch Dylan? -You catch Dylan? Me? No, no. I-I couldn't make it that ni- My-my raccoon had hepatitis. -Me? No, no. I-I couldn't make it that ni- My-my raccoon had hepatitis. You have a raccoon? -You have a raccoon? Tsch, a few. -Tsch, a few. The only word for this is trans- plendid. It's trans-plendid. -The only word for this is trans- plendid. It's trans-plendid. I can think of another word. -I can think of another word. He's God! I mean, this man is God! He's got millions of followers who would crawl all the way across the world just to touch the hem of his garment. -He's God! I mean, this man is God! He's got millions of followers who would crawl all the way across the world just to touch the hem of his garment. Really? It must be a tremendous hem. -Really? It must be a tremendous hem. I'm a Rosicrucian myself. -I'm a Rosicrucian myself. Are you? -Are you? Yeah. -Yeah. I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics. Look- there's God coming outta the men's room. -I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics. Look- there's God coming outta the men's room. It's unbelievably trans-plendid! I was at the Stones concert in Altamount when they killed that guy, remember? -It's unbelievably trans-plendid! I was at the Stones concert in Altamount when they killed that guy, remember? Yeah, were yuh? I was-I was at an Alice Cooper thing where six people were rushed to the hospital with bad vibes. -I hope you don't mind that I took so long to finish. Oh, no, no, don't be... tsch... don't be silly. You know, I'm startin' it-I'm startin' to get some feeling back in my jaw now. -Oh, no, no, don't be... tsch... don't be silly. You know, I'm startin' it-I'm startin' to get some feeling back in my jaw now. Oh, sex with you is really a kafkaesque experience. -Oh, sex with you is really a kafkaesque experience. Oh, tsch, thank you. H'm. -Oh, tsch, thank you. H'm. I mean that as a compliment. -I mean that as a compliment. I think-I think there's too much burden placed on the orgasm, you know, to make up for empty areas in life. -I think-I think there's too much burden placed on the orgasm, you know, to make up for empty areas in life. Who said that? -Who said that? Uh, oh, I don't know. It might have been Leopold and Loeb. Hello. Oh, hi... Uh, no, what-what's the matter? What-what-what? You sound terrible... No, what- Sure I- Whatta yuh what kind of an emergency?... No, well, stay there. Stay there, I'll come over right now. I'll come over right now. Just stay there, I'll come right over. -You know, it must need to have had its leading from one thought to another. You know what I'm talking about? He's screaming his opinions in my ear. -He's screaming his opinions in my ear. Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or Satyricon, I found it incredibly... indulgent. You know, he really is. He's one of the most indulgent film makers. He really is- -Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or Satyricon, I found it incredibly... indulgent. You know, he really is. He's one of the most indulgent film makers. He really is- "Key word here is ""indulgent.""" -"Key word here is ""indulgent.""" without getting... well, let's put it this way... -without getting... well, let's put it this way... What are you depressed about? -It's like Samuel Beckett, you know- I admire the technique but he doesn't... he doesn't hit me on a gut level. I'd like to hit this guy on a gut level. -Probably on their first date, right? It's a narrow view. -It's a narrow view. "Probably met by answering an ad in the New York Review of Books. ""Thirtyish academic wishes to meet woman who's interested in Mozart, James Joyce and sodomy."" Whatta you mean, our sexual problem?" -I never read that. That was-that was Henry James, right? Novel, uh, the sequel to Turn of the Screw? My Sexual... It's the influence of television. Yeah, now Marshall McLuhan deals with it in terms of it being a-a high, uh, high intensity, you understand? A hot medium... as opposed to a... -It's the influence of television. Yeah, now Marshall McLuhan deals with it in terms of it being a-a high, uh, high intensity, you understand? A hot medium... as opposed to a... What I wouldn't give for a large sock o' horse manure. -What I wouldn't give for a large sock o' horse manure. ...as opposed to a print... -Wait a minute, why can't I give my opinion? It's a free country! I mean, d- He can give you- Do you hafta give it so loud? I mean, aren't you ashamed to pontificate like that? And- and the funny part of it is, M- Marshall McLuhan, you don't know anything about Marshall McLuhan's... work! -I mean, d- He can give you- Do you hafta give it so loud? I mean, aren't you ashamed to pontificate like that? And- and the funny part of it is, M- Marshall McLuhan, you don't know anything about Marshall McLuhan's... work! "Wait a minute! Really? Really? I happen to teach a class at Columbia called ""TV Media and Culture""! So I think that my insights into Mr. McLuhan- well, have a great deal of validity." -"Wait a minute! Really? Really? I happen to teach a class at Columbia called ""TV Media and Culture""! So I think that my insights into Mr. McLuhan- well, have a great deal of validity." Oh, do yuh? -Oh, do yuh? Yes. -Yes. Well, that's funny, because I happen to have Mr. McLuhan right here. So... so, here, just let me- I mean, all right. Come over here... a second. -Oh. Tell him. -Thank you very much. It's a pleasure. This is, uh, Shawn, and, uh... Bob and Petronia. -This is a great house, really. Everything. Saunas, Jacuzzis, three tennis courts. You know who the original owners were? Nelson Eddy, then Legs Diamond. Then you know who lived here? Trigger. -Charlie Chaplin. Hey. -Hey. Right before his un-American thing. -Uh, you guys are still-uh, you're still New Yorkers. Yeah, I love it there. -What are you making such a big deal about? They're only lobsters. Look, you're a grown man, you know how to pick up a lobster. I'm not myself since I stopped smoking. -I'm not myself since I stopped smoking. Oh, when'd you quit smoking? -Sixteen years ago. Whatta you mean? -Whatta you mean? Mean? -Mean? You stopped smoking sixteen years ago, is that what you said? Oh, I-I don't understand. Are you joking, or what? -Officer, I know what you're gonna say. I'm-I'm not a great driver, you know, I-I have some problems with- with-with- May I see your license, please? -May I see your license, please? Sure. just don't-don't get angry, you know what I mean? 'Cause I-I have - I have my-my license here. You know, it's a rented car. And I've... -Don't give me your life story just pick up the license. Pick up the license. You have to ask nicely 'cause I've had an extremely rough day. You know, my girl friend- -Pick up the license. You have to ask nicely 'cause I've had an extremely rough day. You know, my girl friend- Just give me the license, please. -Just give me the license, please. Since you put it that way. It's hard for me to refuse. ...have a, I have a terrific problem with authority, you know. I'm... it's not your fault. Don't take it personal. -"I distinctly heard it. He muttered under his breath, ""Jew.""" You're crazy! -You're crazy! "No, I'm not. We were walking off the tennis court, and you know, he was there and me and his wife, and he looked at her and then they both looked at me, and under his breath he said, ""Jew.""" -"No, I'm not. We were walking off the tennis court, and you know, he was there and me and his wife, and he looked at her and then they both looked at me, and under his breath he said, ""Jew.""" Alvy, you're a total paranoid. -Alvy, you're a total paranoid. "Wh- How am I a paran-? Well, I pick up on those kind o' things. You know, I was having lunch with some guys from NBC, so I said... uh, ""Did you eat yet or what?"" and Tom Christie said, ""No, didchoo?"" Not, did you, didchoo eat? Jew? No, not did you eat, but Jew eat? Jew. You get it? Jew eat?" -"Wh- How am I a paran-? Well, I pick up on those kind o' things. You know, I was having lunch with some guys from NBC, so I said... uh, ""Did you eat yet or what?"" and Tom Christie said, ""No, didchoo?"" Not, did you, didchoo eat? Jew? No, not did you eat, but Jew eat? Jew. You get it? Jew eat?" Ah, Max, you, uh... -Ah, Max, you, uh... Stop calling me Max. -Stop calling me Max. Why, Max? It's a good name for you. Max, you see conspiracies in everything. -Why, Max? It's a good name for you. Max, you see conspiracies in everything. "No, I don't! You know, I was in a record store. Listen to this- so I know there's this big tall blond crew-cutted guy and he's lookin' at me in a funny way and smiling and he's saying, ""Yes, we have a sale this week on Wagner."" Wagner, Max, Wagner- so I know what he's really tryin' to tell me very significantly Wagner." -"No, I don't! You know, I was in a record store. Listen to this- so I know there's this big tall blond crew-cutted guy and he's lookin' at me in a funny way and smiling and he's saying, ""Yes, we have a sale this week on Wagner."" Wagner, Max, Wagner- so I know what he's really tryin' to tell me very significantly Wagner." Right, Max. California, Max. -Right, Max. California, Max. Ah. -Ah. Let's get the hell outta this crazy city. -Let's get the hell outta this crazy city. Forget it, Max. -Forget it, Max. We move to sunny L.A. All of show business is out there, Max. -We move to sunny L.A. All of show business is out there, Max. No, I cannot. You keep bringing it up, but I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light. -No, I cannot. You keep bringing it up, but I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light. Right, Max, forget it. Aren't you gonna be late for meeting Annie? -Right, Max, forget it. Aren't you gonna be late for meeting Annie? I'm gonna meet her in front of the Beekman. I think I have a few minutes left. Right? -Max, my serve is gonna send yuh to the showers- Right, right, so g-get back to what we were discussing, the failure of the country to get behind New York City is-is anti-Semitism. -Right, right, so g-get back to what we were discussing, the failure of the country to get behind New York City is-is anti-Semitism. Max, the city is terribly worried. -Max, the city is terribly worried. But the- I'm not discussing politics or economics. This is foreskin. -But the- I'm not discussing politics or economics. This is foreskin. No, no, no, Max, that's a very convenient out. Every time some group disagrees with you it's because of anti-Semitism. -No, no, no, Max, that's a very convenient out. Every time some group disagrees with you it's because of anti-Semitism. Don't you see? The rest of the country looks upon New York like we're-we're left-wing Communist, Jewish, homosexual, pornographers. I think of us that way, sometimes, and I-I live here. -Don't you see? The rest of the country looks upon New York like we're-we're left-wing Communist, Jewish, homosexual, pornographers. I think of us that way, sometimes, and I-I live here. Max, if we lived in California, we could play outdoors every day, in the sun. -Max, if we lived in California, we could play outdoors every day, in the sun. Sun is bad for yuh. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat, college... -Yeah, watch the road! You'll total the whole car. -Yeah, the neighborhood's gonna be great. We can show her the schoolyard. -We can show her the schoolyard. Right. I was a great athlete. Tell her, Max, I was the best, I was all schoolyard. -Right. I was a great athlete. Tell her, Max, I was the best, I was all schoolyard. Yes, I remember. He was all schoolyard. They threw him a football once, he tried to dribble it. -Yes, I remember. He was all schoolyard. They threw him a football once, he tried to dribble it. Yeah, well, I used to lose my glasses a lot. -I have some very good memories there. What kind of good memories, Max? Your mother and father fighting all the time. -What kind of good memories, Max? Your mother and father fighting all the time. Yeah, and always over the most ridiculous things. -Right-well, Santa Claus will have sunstroke. Max, there's no crime, there's no mugging. -Max, there's no crime, there's no mugging. There's no economic crime, you know, but there's-there's ritual, religious- cult murders, you know, there's wheat- germ killers out here. -There's no economic crime, you know, but there's-there's ritual, religious- cult murders, you know, there's wheat- germ killers out here. While you're out here, Max, I want you to see some of my TV show. And we're invited to a big Christmas party. -Oh. Look, now, Charlie, give me a big laugh here. -Do you realize how immoral this all is? Max, I've got a hit series. -Max, I've got a hit series. Yeah, I know; but you're adding fake laughs. -Give me a tremendous laugh here, Charlie. Look, uh... -We do the show live in front of an audience. Great, but nobody laughs at it 'cause your jokes aren't funny. -Great, but nobody laughs at it 'cause your jokes aren't funny. Yeah, well, that's why this machine is dynamite. -What's the matter? I don't know, I just got-I got very dizzy... I feel dizzy, Max. -I don't know, I just got-I got very dizzy... I feel dizzy, Max. Well, sit down. -Well, sit down. Oh, Jesus. -Oh, Jesus. You all right? -You all right? I don't know, I mean, I- -I don't know, I mean, I- You wanna lie down? -You wanna lie down? No, no-my, you know, my stomach felt queasy all morning. I just started getting... -No, no-my, you know, my stomach felt queasy all morning. I just started getting... How about a ginger ale? -How about a ginger ale? Oh, Max... no, I maybe I better lie down. -You like this house, Max? M'hm. -M'hm. I even brought a road map to get us to the bathroom. -I even brought a road map to get us to the bathroom. Whee, you shoulda told me it was Tony Lacey's party. -Whee, you shoulda told me it was Tony Lacey's party. What difference does that make? -I think he has a little thing for Annie. Oh, no, no, that's bullshit, Max. He goes with that girl over there. -Oh, no, no, that's bullshit, Max. He goes with that girl over there. Where? -The one with the V.P.L. V.P.L.? -V.P.L.? Visible panty line. Max, she is gorgeous. -Visible panty line. Max, she is gorgeous. Yeah, she's a ten, Max, and that's great for you because you're-you're used to twos, aren't you? -Yeah, she's a ten, Max, and that's great for you because you're-you're used to twos, aren't you? There are no twos, Max. -There are no twos, Max. Yeah, you're used to the kind with the- with the shopping bags walking through Central Park with the surgical masks on muttering. -Yeah, you're used to the kind with the- with the shopping bags walking through Central Park with the surgical masks on muttering. M'hm. -M'hm. And... uh- -And... uh- How do you like this couple, Max? -And I think they just came back from Masters and Johnson. Yeah, intensive care ward. My God-hey, Max, I think she's... I think she's giving me the eye. -If she comes over here, Max, my brain is going to turn into guacamole. I'll handle it. I'll handle it. Hi. -Oh, he-he didn't say anything. No, no, I came out here to get some shock therapy, but there was an energy crisis, so I... He's my-my food taster. Have you two met? -No, no, I came out here to get some shock therapy, but there was an energy crisis, so I... He's my-my food taster. Have you two met? Hi. How do you do. -Hey, you guys are wearin' white. It must be in the stars. Yeah. Right. -Yeah. Right. Uri Geller must be on the premises someplace. -Uri Geller must be on the premises someplace. We're gonna operate together. -Imagine my surprise when I got your call, Max. Yeah. I had the feeling that I got you at a bad moment. You know, I heard high-pitched squealing. -Twins, Max. Sixteen-year-olds. Can you imagine the mathematical possibilities? You're an actor, Max. You should be doing Shakespeare in the Park. -You're an actor, Max. You should be doing Shakespeare in the Park. Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max. I got mugged. I was playing Richard the Second and two guys with leather jackets stole my leotard. -Max, are we driving through plutonium? Keeps out the alpha rays, Max. You don't get old. -Let 'im drop dead! Who needs his business?! His wife has diabetes! -His wife has diabetes! Di-diabetes? Is that any excuse? Diabetes? -You fired the cleaning woman? She was stealing. -She was stealing. But she's colored. -But she's colored. SO? -SO? So the colored have enough trouble. -So the colored have enough trouble. She was going through my pocketbook! -She was going through my pocketbook! They're persecuted enough! -They're persecuted enough! Who's persecuting? She stole! -All right-so we can afford it. How can we afford it? On your pay? What if she steals more? -How can we afford it? On your pay? What if she steals more? She's a colored woman, from Harlem! -Dennis-right, uh, uh... local kid probably, would meetcha in front of the movie house on Saturday night. Oh, God, you should've seen what I looked like then. -Oh, God, you should've seen what I looked like then. Oh, I can imagine. P-p-probably the wife of an astronaut. -Oh, I can imagine. P-p-probably the wife of an astronaut. Then there was Jerry, the actor. -Look at you, you-you're such a clown. I look pretty. -I look pretty. Well, yeah, you always look pretty, but that guy with you... -Heavy! Eaten by some squirrels. Hey, listen-I mean, he was a terrific actor, and look at him, he's neat- looking and he was emotional... Y- hey, I don't think you like emotion too much. -That was fun. I don't think California is bad at all. It's a drag coming home. Lotta beautiful women. It was fun to flirt. -Lotta beautiful women. It was fun to flirt. I have to face facts. I-I adore Alvy, but our relationship doesn't seem to work anymore. -I have to face facts. I-I adore Alvy, but our relationship doesn't seem to work anymore. I'll have the usual trouble with Annie in bed tonight. Whatta I need this? -I'll have the usual trouble with Annie in bed tonight. Whatta I need this? If only I had the nerve to break up, but it would really hurt him. -If only I had the nerve to break up, but it would really hurt him. If only I didn't feel guilty asking Annie to move out. It'd probably wreck her. But I should be honest. -We went over to the swap meet. Annie, Gram and I. Got some nice picture frames. We really had a good time. -Oh, that Randolph Hunt. You remember Randy Hunt, Annie. He was in the choir with you. Oh, yes, yes. -Oh, yes, that's right. Did you see the new play? Oh, you remember her, Annie. -Oh, you remember her, Annie. Yes, I do. -Now, don't let it be so long, now. No. -Oh, he's adorable, Annie. You think so? Do you really? -You think so? Do you really? We're going to take them to the airport. -M'mmm. I just have time to get the, uh- -Oh. Hi, I'm-I'm Tony Lacey. -Hi, I'm-I'm Tony Lacey. Well, hi! -Well, hi! Uh, we just wanted to stop by and say that we really enjoyed your sets. -Uh, we just wanted to stop by and say that we really enjoyed your sets. Oh, yeah, really, oh! -Oh, yeah, really, oh! I though it was... very musical, and I liked it a lot. -I though it was... very musical, and I liked it a lot. Oh, neat... oh, that's very nice, gosh, thanks a lot. -Oh, neat... oh, that's very nice, gosh, thanks a lot. Are you... are you recording? Or do- Are you with any label now? -Are you... are you recording? Or do- Are you with any label now? No, no, no, not at all. -No, no, no, not at all. Uh, well, I'd like to talk to you about that sometime, if you get a chance. -Oh. What about? ...of possibly working together. -...of possibly working together. Well, hey, that's, that's nice. Uh. Oh, listen, this is, uh, Alvy Singer. Do you know Alvy? Uh... and... uh... Tony Lacey. -Well, hey, that's, that's nice. Uh. Oh, listen, this is, uh, Alvy Singer. Do you know Alvy? Uh... and... uh... Tony Lacey. No, I don't-I don't know, but I-I know your work. I'm a big fan of yours. -Uh... w-we're going back to the Pierre. We're staying at the Pierre... and we're gonna meet Jack and Angelica, and have a drink there, and... if you'd like to come, uh, we'd love to have you. Yeah. -Yeah. And we could just sit and talk... nothing. Uh, not a big deal, it's just relax, just be very mellow. -Oh, well, I-if it's inconvenient, eh, we can't do it now... that's fine, too. W-w-w-we'll do it another time. Hey- -Hey- Maybe if you're on the Coast, we'll get together and... and we'll meet there. -Oh. It was a wonderful set. -It was a wonderful set. Oh, gosh. -Oh, gosh. I really enjoyed it. Nice to have metcha. Good night. -We just need about six weeks, in about six weeks we could cut a whole album. I don't know, this is strange to me, you know. -I don't know, this is strange to me, you know. Just... that's all you need. You can come and stay here. -Just... that's all you need. You can come and stay here. Oh. -Oh. There's a whole wing in this house. -There's a whole wing in this house. Oh yeah, stay here? U-huh. -Oh yeah, stay here? U-huh. You can have it to use. Why-why are you smiling? -You can have it to use. Why-why are you smiling? I don't know. I don't know. -Yeah. Well, I used to live there. I used to live there for years. You know, but it's gotten-it's so dirty now. -Well, I used to live there. I used to live there for years. You know, but it's gotten-it's so dirty now. Yeah. -Oh, and there's another thing about New York. See... you-you wanna see a movie, you have to stand in a long line. Yeah. -Yeah. It could be freezing, it could be raining. -It could be freezing, it could be raining. Yeah. -Yeah. And here, you just- -Tessie, they say you were the sister with personality. I was a great beauty. -I was a great beauty. Uh, how did this personality come about? -Uh, how did this personality come about? I was very charming. -I was very charming. There were many men interested in you? -There were many men interested in you? Oh, I was quite a lively dancer. -How long have you worked for the Therrians? A long time. -A long time. So you were here when they were doing the work on the boundary fence? -So you were here when they were doing the work on the boundary fence? Oh yes. -Oh yes. Did you know the contractor? -Did you know the contractor? Very well. -Very well. Was it a contractor? -Was it a contractor? It's the way they do things. -It's the way they do things. To code? -Did you see permits? Did he have a license? You should talk to Mr. Joe. -So who won? A triumph. When did you get here? -A triumph. When did you get here? Ten, fifteen minutes ago. -Ten, fifteen minutes ago. Why didn't you come in? -Why didn't you come in? I hate the sight of blood. You guys don't take prisoners. -You're not upset that I brought the dog? Would it make a difference? -Would it make a difference? Anouk isn't like a dog, really. More like a small person. So is there anyone here for me? No one looks new. Who's that? -Anouk isn't like a dog, really. More like a small person. So is there anyone here for me? No one looks new. Who's that? You don't want that. It's married and it's the neighbor. -You don't want that. It's married and it's the neighbor. Oh I think he's cute. How's the marriage part working out? -Oh I think he's cute. How's the marriage part working out? You're fucking desperate. -You're fucking desperate. Like you didn't know. Who invited the bimbo? -Like you didn't know. Who invited the bimbo? One guess. -Jack. Did you compose that yourself? Absolutely. -Absolutely. Had a little help? -Had a little help? Absolutely not. -Absolutely not. It has your ring. -It has your ring. I'm not that good. -What's that? The neighbors from hell. The kind that lay in wait. I'd rather move actually. Wouldn't I? Wouldn't I? -Can we... one at a time? Hold it down, and one at a time. You're last, Cal. Why last? -It's going. It's going. And how's the diva doing? -Isn't Skye amazing? She's got great tits. -She's got great tits. She's a constant surprise. -She's a constant surprise. And you've only just met. -And you've only just met. Yeah, I know... But she's only twenty seven and... The wisdom. She's an old soul. She knew that Shostakovich thing. Did you notice? -Yeah, I know... But she's only twenty seven and... The wisdom. She's an old soul. She knew that Shostakovich thing. Did you notice? Absolutely. And she's got great tits. -Absolutely. And she's got great tits. Yeah, God she really does have great tits, great tits. i can't wait to work with her. -Yeah, God she really does have great tits, great tits. i can't wait to work with her. The camera loves her. A great actress. -The camera loves her. A great actress. With great tits. I'm going to ask her if I can touch them. -Poor Mac. It's been a bit of a struggle. I'm sure Sally's told you. No, what? -No, what? The movie. -The movie. Oh, she's really enjoying it. I think. Is Mac okay? -Oh, she's really enjoying it. I think. Is Mac okay? I don't know what's going on. I don't care to guess. Mac's really unhappy. She isn't there, that's all. She's no idea what she's playing, not a clue. -I don't know what's going on. I don't care to guess. Mac's really unhappy. She isn't there, that's all. She's no idea what she's playing, not a clue. Who, Sally? -Who, Sally? And, you know it isn't rocket science, this script. She can barely get the lines out. There was a scene last week - she sobbed, through every take. I know crying's easy for her but it's a fucking comedy, Joe. Something's gone. You know, that thing that was Sally - that always surprised you. It's gone. I think she's scared. And that's death. -And, you know it isn't rocket science, this script. She can barely get the lines out. There was a scene last week - she sobbed, through every take. I know crying's easy for her but it's a fucking comedy, Joe. Something's gone. You know, that thing that was Sally - that always surprised you. It's gone. I think she's scared. And that's death. I still think she sails above the rest. I mean not like her early films. But those were all such great directors. -I still think she sails above the rest. I mean not like her early films. But those were all such great directors. Mac's a pretty great director, Joe. He's a woman's director. And nothing's happening. Course he won't fire her, because of the friendship... But it was discussed. He had to battle his studio to get her in the first place. -Mac's a pretty great director, Joe. He's a woman's director. And nothing's happening. Course he won't fire her, because of the friendship... But it was discussed. He had to battle his studio to get her in the first place. What? -What? "Hey, listen, I love her. She's Sophia's best friend. I never said any of this, alright. I'll deny it on the stand... You guys are gonna have kids. That is so great. Maybe that's what this is all about. Maybe she doesn't want to do this anymore. You know adults don't do this for a living. You guys are gonna have your kids, you'll be directing -- one asshole in the family is enough. Sophia knew that intuitively. Look at Clair. Clair's a mess. Make sure she gets the epidural. Forget that natural childbirth shit. Everything's going to be what it's supposed to be. ""Life is but a walking shadow. A poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more..."" And speaking of me, the role of Leo in your film?" -"Hey, listen, I love her. She's Sophia's best friend. I never said any of this, alright. I'll deny it on the stand... You guys are gonna have kids. That is so great. Maybe that's what this is all about. Maybe she doesn't want to do this anymore. You know adults don't do this for a living. You guys are gonna have your kids, you'll be directing -- one asshole in the family is enough. Sophia knew that intuitively. Look at Clair. Clair's a mess. Make sure she gets the epidural. Forget that natural childbirth shit. Everything's going to be what it's supposed to be. ""Life is but a walking shadow. A poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more..."" And speaking of me, the role of Leo in your film?" Leo? -Leo? Any thoughts on casting yet? -Any thoughts on casting yet? Leo? It was out to Jude Law. Jude passed. -Leo? It was out to Jude Law. Jude passed. Well, I can't make any promises, and of course I haven't read the script but I loved the novel...when are you shooting? -Well, I can't make any promises, and of course I haven't read the script but I loved the novel...when are you shooting? October-ish. -October-ish. I have a small window of time. -I have a small window of time. Leo. Leo's twenty-eight, Cal. -Leo. Leo's twenty-eight, Cal. Scratch the two, write in a four. -Scratch the two, write in a four. Scratch the two, write in a four. -Scratch the two, write in a four. You've got a lot of fucking gall. Thirty nine. -You've got a lot of fucking gall. Thirty nine. Five years ago, I was at the party, remember? -She already has. It's alright, isn't it? -So they tell me. Not soon enough, of course. How are you, Sal? You look fantastic. It changes your life, you know. A baby. It puts everything in perspective, doesn't it. Doesn't it, Mac? You can't be the center of your own world, anymore. It's an object lesson in grace. Wow! Look who's here before me! My leading man is on time for once. -Mac? Oh there you are. What are you doing, honey? No more work. Don't you feel breezy. I'm in mourning. -I'm in mourning. You can cut around it, whatever it is. You always do. -You can cut around it, whatever it is. You always do. Not this time. -Not this time. It's always not this time. If you can do it around me, you can do it around anyone. -You don't have any clothes on. How nice for everybody. Come swimming. The water's glorious. You'll fix it. You'll come up with one of your brilliant ideas. -How nice for everybody. Come swimming. The water's glorious. You'll fix it. You'll come up with one of your brilliant ideas. Or I won't. I can't help her. I'm out of my depth. -Or I won't. I can't help her. I'm out of my depth. Things always look much worse in the morning. -Things always look much worse in the morning. I don't know how to make her funny. -I don't know how to make her funny. You're coming swimming in the pool, and in a few minutes you won't even remember what it's about. You won't care who's in your damn movie. -You're coming swimming in the pool, and in a few minutes you won't even remember what it's about. You won't care who's in your damn movie. What what's about? -What what's about? I...wait, what are you talking about? -Honey? I'll be fine. Really babe. Give me a minute. -What a fucking day! We only just got a sitter. I don't know her from fucking Adam. She could be a serial killer. I'm going to have to call every ten minutes. You have to let me give out the number. Of course. -I'm not. This is Monica and Ryan. Mac and Clair. -Why didn't you bring him? What? -What? Why didn't you bring him? -Why didn't you bring him? He's allergic. -He's allergic. Oh. -Oh. To dander. Otis. -To dander. Otis. Oh. -Oh. Didn't I say? -Didn't I say? Well, probably. -Well, probably. They can tell from the eyelashes, you know? He's got eyelashes yay long. They must be a foot long. The older you are when you have a baby, the more likely this stuff is to crop up. -They can tell from the eyelashes, you know? He's got eyelashes yay long. They must be a foot long. The older you are when you have a baby, the more likely this stuff is to crop up. Oh. -It sounds hysterical, but Otis just rubbed up against me and I'd kind of like to change into something of yours. You know it could be disaster. He's so allergic. It's terrifying. Borrow whatever you like. -Borrow whatever you like. I'll change back before we leave. -I'll change back before we leave. Whatever you like. I'm afraid it'll all be too big for you. Are you alright, Clair? -Whatever you like. I'm afraid it'll all be too big for you. Are you alright, Clair? I'm fine. I'm fine. Well, I'm a little stressed. And I've been taking pills to get my weight down since the baby. -I'm fine. I'm fine. Well, I'm a little stressed. And I've been taking pills to get my weight down since the baby. I'd say it was down. -I'd say it was down. And the doctor said they might make me a little jumpy. I've got a ghastly headache, actually. -And the doctor said they might make me a little jumpy. I've got a ghastly headache, actually. You want a Tylenol, or something? -You want a Tylenol, or something? I'd love a Xanex. Sally, please don't tell Sophia that I'm not breast feeding. -I'd love a Xanex. Sally, please don't tell Sophia that I'm not breast feeding. Why would she care? -Why would she care? You know Sophia. She's so damned judgemental. And she's so damned... perfect. And so fucking... serene. Just fucking don't tell her. Because you know Mac thinks she's God. And I can feel him comparing. -You know Sophia. She's so damned judgemental. And she's so damned... perfect. And so fucking... serene. Just fucking don't tell her. Because you know Mac thinks she's God. And I can feel him comparing. You need to knock off the pills, Clair. -You need to knock off the pills, Clair. Just don't fucking tell her. -Just don't fucking tell her. It's not going to come up. -Thank you, thank you, thank you. My God, your wardrobe is incredible. It took me forever to decide. Oh, and I found Dr. X, thank you. You saved my life. -You look so well, Clair. A wraith. You think so!? I've been working out a lot since the baby. And I've been working. And that takes it's toll, you know. -You think so!? I've been working out a lot since the baby. And I've been working. And that takes it's toll, you know. I'm glad that's all over for me. -I'm glad that's all over for me. Don't you miss it? -Don't you miss it? Never. -Never. Really. -Really. Not for a second. Cal can have all that. -Not for a second. Cal can have all that. Really? -Really? So where is young Jonah? -So where is young Jonah? With a sitter. We have a sensational sitter. Jonah's really comfortable with her. You know, a second mom sort of. Like part of the family. Amazing with kids. -What is that thing? So this sitter can always reach me. I'm still not used to leaving him. -So this sitter can always reach me. I'm still not used to leaving him. You should have brought him. -You should have brought him. Dander. He's allergic. Otis. -Dander. He's allergic. Otis. Oh. Do you have any pictures? -Oh. Do you have any pictures? Pictures. They're always in my tote. I left my tote in the damn trailer. But! He's Mac all over again. Imagine Mac shrunk to two-and-a-half feet. The fact is they probably didn't even need me for this birth. -Pictures. They're always in my tote. I left my tote in the damn trailer. But! He's Mac all over again. Imagine Mac shrunk to two-and-a-half feet. The fact is they probably didn't even need me for this birth. Are you the funniest person I know, or what? -Are you the funniest person I know, or what? I can't think how you gave it all up, Soph. -Let's get the kids. Oh my God, the sitter. -Thanks for coming. Happy anniversary. You're a good match, you two. Can you help me with this stuff? -Would you leave us alone right now? I love her too, Joe. -He's gonna miss his flight. Yeah. -Is he not going? I booked a flight. He's not going tonight. -He's not going tonight. I told his father he'd be on that flight. -I told his father he'd be on that flight. Well you could tell him otherwise. It was good of you to be all this help. But he doesn't want to go tonight. -Well you could tell him otherwise. It was good of you to be all this help. But he doesn't want to go tonight. Jesus, Sally. I'm not the enemy. -Jesus, Sally. I'm not the enemy. And you're not the wife. -And you're not the wife. It's not a contest. -It's not a contest. Damn straight. -Take good care of it. Count on it. -I'm the hired help. Fuck you. -Fuck you. I never put myself in harm's way. -I never put myself in harm's way. Anymore. -Anymore. No, not anymore. Happy anniversary, scout. -That for us? What a nose. You missed your calling. -What a nose. You missed your calling. Can I open it? -Can I open it? Sally? -Sally? Please? -Directing suits you. I'm not so sure. Look again in three months. -I'm not so sure. Look again in three months. It must be nice having so many strangers kiss your ass all of a sudden. -It must be nice having so many strangers kiss your ass all of a sudden. Ow! Gina, you obviously need to get fucked. -Ow! Gina, you obviously need to get fucked. Just did. Jealous? -Just did. Jealous? When does he graduate high school? -When does he graduate high school? Oh, very jealous. -I saw Lucy when I was in London, she seems okay. It's hard to tell with her. Shit, I forgot to call her back. She's off on a trip somewhere. Oh God, my grandad's flat in London's been sold. -Shit, I forgot to call her back. She's off on a trip somewhere. Oh God, my grandad's flat in London's been sold. In Cheyene Walk? Lucy's going to have a meltdown. Oh, I'm so sorry. -In Cheyene Walk? Lucy's going to have a meltdown. Oh, I'm so sorry. I should have damn well bought it. Well, we can't afford it. The movie's going to eat up a year of my life and I'm getting paid next to nothing. Do you know how much Skye Davidson's getting? Four million. -I should have damn well bought it. Well, we can't afford it. The movie's going to eat up a year of my life and I'm getting paid next to nothing. Do you know how much Skye Davidson's getting? Four million. Yeah, but I hear she gives a mean blow job. -Yeah, but I hear she gives a mean blow job. You really need to be fucked. -Escape hatch. Escape hatch. And Dad was having a go about the garden. Something was misplanted... -So? I love you, Joe Therrian. -What is it? Let's go upstairs, okay? -The suspense is killing me. Harry called. -Harry called. And? -And? Lucy overdosed. -Lucy overdosed. But she's alright. -But she's alright. She's in ICU. -Stupid tart. She left a note. -She left a note. Fuck you. -You need to call your dad. Leave us alone right now. -Leave us alone right now. I've booked you a flight and packed you a bag. You just need to get into a car and go. -Let me. I'm Jeffrey. Monica. -Monica. And you know our friends, how? -And you know our friends, how? We live next door. -We live next door. Oh. You're them. -Oh. You're them. Excuse me? -Excuse me? We've heard lots about you. -We've heard lots about you. You have? -I know we're early, we're so early. Sorry. You have to sign your taxes anyway. -Cal, my wife Judy. Nice to meet you. -Time. Hey! Time. Judy! Time you guys. Hey!! Ya Vhol. What are you, a fucking Nazi? -Ya Vhol. What are you, a fucking Nazi? Well it's fucking time. -There's a test, you know. Forget it, Judy. -Are you my big brave boy? Are you my brave hero? You're crazy baby. I love you. -You're crazy baby. I love you. Are you my big hard hero? -Are you my big hard hero? Do you want me to save you? Do you want me to save you? -Do you want me to save you? Do you want me to save you? Oh yeah... -Oh yeah... Oh yeah... I'm gonna save you. -Oh yeah... I'm gonna save you. Oh yeah? -Oh yeah? Let me heal you, baby. -Let me heal you, baby. Oh Jesus oh Jesus oh Jesus. -I call that a perfect day. A perfect night. -A perfect night. Damn near. And a damn near perfect drug. -Damn near. And a damn near perfect drug. Hm. We should do it again. -Hm. We should do it again. Just every once in a blue moon, you know. -Just every once in a blue moon, you know. Hm. You think we should ask them for their landscaper? -Hm. You think we should ask them for their landscaper? Hm. Do you like fucking out of doors? -Hm. Do you like fucking out of doors? Not as a rule. -Not as a rule. They didn't sign their goddamn tax returns! -Go. Hey! Would you? -Hey! Would you? It was fifteen seconds. -It was fifteen seconds. I don't think so. -I don't think so. Are you always this much fun? -He's okay, Clair. You wanna give him a little room? Man, I must really be stoned. Thanks, buddy. -I'm fine, babe. Give him a minute, Clair. -Give him a minute, Clair. Hey. Thanks, buddy. -Hey. Thanks, buddy. Anytime, sport. -Anytime, sport. Yeah, thanks pal. -I'm fine, babe. I'm gonna take a little walk. I need a minute. Let's forget it. My life didn't pass in front of my eyes. So, it probably wasn't that close. Probably not. -Probably not. So, you've got lifeguard papers, or what? -We closed. Fantastic. Out here. -Joe officially owns No. 4, Cheyenne Walk, Chelsea, London, England. No small doing. I love you, you're a genius. -I suppose. Sally, that's quite a gift. I'm not sure it's in your best interest. I adore him. -I adore him. The realtor'll be here tomorrow in the morning. The house had to go on the market to insure the loan on the London flat. -The realtor'll be here tomorrow in the morning. The house had to go on the market to insure the loan on the London flat. I know. I know that. Don't spoil it. -I know. I know that. Don't spoil it. What you earn has to double in order to cover expenses in London, it's an outrageously expensive city. -What you earn has to double in order to cover expenses in London, it's an outrageously expensive city. We've only been over this how many times? -We've only been over this how many times? You only made half your quote this year. -You only made half your quote this year. Well, you're a tower of support. -Well, you're a tower of support. I worry because you don't. It's my job. I'm feeling guilty. I would've liked it if you waited until the two of you were on more solid ground. -I worry because you don't. It's my job. I'm feeling guilty. I would've liked it if you waited until the two of you were on more solid ground. We couldn't be on more solid ground. -We couldn't be on more solid ground. Whatever you say. Listen, I love you. -Not millions. He's directing now. -He's directing now. They're paying him scale. -He gets huge advances on his novels. He's going back to that. You know how he hates it here. There's still time to undo this. -There's still time to undo this. We'll be fine. -We'll be fine. Did you invite them? -Did you invite them? The Roses? And of course they said yes. -The Roses? And of course they said yes. That was the plan. And you're thrilled to have them. -That was the plan. And you're thrilled to have them. Whatever you say. -Whatever you say. Did you tell Joe to behave? -Did you tell Joe to behave? Yes. -Yes. Did he promise? -Did he promise? Scout's honor. -Scout's honor. Before I forget. Put it on the bookshelf. -You're out of your mind. Just do what I say, alright? -Just do what I say, alright? How much bowing and scraping do you want us to do? -How much bowing and scraping do you want us to do? Beats a lawsuit. -Take your time, Jer. I'm ready. -What was it? What the fuck was it? Ryan's novel. -Ryan's novel. Ryan's novel? -No luck. Oh, well, we'll just have to try again. Sound like a plan? -Happy anniversary, baby. Happy anniversary. -I love you. Most beautiful woman in the world. Hardly... -Hardly... Accept a compliment. -Accept a compliment. I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world. -What did you get me? In the morning, after everyone's gone and there's just us. -Kiss the back of my knees. Through the sweats or not? -Through the sweats or not? Not. -What? You didn't kiss anyone else's knees, did you? -No. Did you? No. I missed that. -No. I missed that. I missed all of you. We're okay, aren't we? -I missed all of you. We're okay, aren't we? We're great. -We're great. I mean, you're really back. -I mean, you're really back. For good. -Don't get it. Well, it might be Clair. They're threatening not to come... -Well, it might be Clair. They're threatening not to come... What? -What? They can't find a sitter... Hello? Excuse me? Yes, uh, hold on. Just a moment. It's Skye Davidson. She needs directions to the house. You invited Skye fucking Davidson to our anniversary party? -They can't find a sitter... Hello? Excuse me? Yes, uh, hold on. Just a moment. It's Skye Davidson. She needs directions to the house. You invited Skye fucking Davidson to our anniversary party? Okay. I'm sorry, look, I meant to tell you. It was the only chance I had to meet her. -Okay. I'm sorry, look, I meant to tell you. It was the only chance I had to meet her. You invited her to our anniversary party? I didn't even invite my mother. -You invited her to our anniversary party? I didn't even invite my mother. She goes on location tomorrow. Sally, I'm sorry. Look, I can't keep her on hold. -She goes on location tomorrow. Sally, I'm sorry. Look, I can't keep her on hold. No, no of course not. It's Skye fucking Davidson, for fuck's sake. -No, no of course not. It's Skye fucking Davidson, for fuck's sake. You want me to uninvite her? -You want me to uninvite her? No, no of course not. How old is she? Twenty-fucking-two? -And she's a stinking fucking actress, for fuck's sake. Skye! I'm so glad you're able to make it...it's our sixth, actually. You read the book again? Well, no, the ending to chapter six...it's just that it's not filmic. We tried it in an earlier draft, but, it just wasn't filmic... Well, sure, we can absolutely look at that again. If you're coming from Laurel, you want to take Sunset west, we're just past Will Rogers State Park. Three blocks west of that, you want to hang right. It's about three quarters of a mile up a big white thing on the left. -I'm looking forward to meeting you, too. And Skye, I'm thrilled that you're willing to take this leap with me. Eternally grateful, really. I'm going to throw up. -I'm going to throw up. I can't imagine anyone else playing Genna. -I can't imagine anyone else playing Genna. Really? -Promise you'll be nice to the neighbors. I'll say as little as possible. -Of course we do. We have to sign our taxes. You can never be too early or too thin. -Otis! No barking! And Joe's huge in Europe. He's like a rock star in London. His novels sell millions. -In the kitchen. Who'd like to go and find Otis? -Yes. Okay. Last one to find Otis is a smelly old bum. -Well, not yet. The gate was open? It's taken care of. -Two minutes. It's alright. Be our guests. -Still champions. Panes is not on your team anymore. -It's an unfair advantage. You've got Cal. You've got Gina. You've got Skye? We're the leftovers. -You've got Cal. You've got Gina. You've got Skye? We're the leftovers. Okay, knock it off. -Okay, knock it off. Truce? -Truce? Truce. -Truce. Dinner. Don't be angry. -Dinner. Don't be angry. I'm not fucking angry, for God's sake. -Not properly watered. Whatever! You know how he gets. Well, he went absolutely bonkers. Lucy and I were frantically trying to scramble into the dumb waiter and I didn't fit any more. It was almost fatal. And that, my dear friends, is the day... -Dolphins. Great. It's ecstasy, Sal. -I think we should all take it tonight. Everyone's staying, stays. No driving. That's the rule. I love you Sally-Mae. You're going to have a fabulous time. I'm worried about my spine. I'm very worried about my brain and my spine. -Someone left the goddamn gate open. Otis got out. Skye and I, well the... I came out of the house and the fucking gate was wide open. Oh for fuck's sake. Nobody uses that gate. -Don't be so sure. Listen to yourself... Don't worry, it's alright. We'll find him. What's wrong with you? -Listen to yourself... Don't worry, it's alright. We'll find him. What's wrong with you? She left the fucking gate open. -She left the fucking gate open. Well he can't have gone far. -Well he can't have gone far. Can't have gone far? He's like a greyhound. He could be miles away. -Can't have gone far? He's like a greyhound. He could be miles away. He'll find his way back. -He'll find his way back. There are fucking coyotes out there. -There are fucking coyotes out there. Sally, calm down. We're not going to find him any quicker by you being hysterical. -Fuck you. Or shitty!! Otis!! -Otis!!!! Otis!!!! -Otis!!!! Otis, good boy, come here. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. -Otis, good boy, come here. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. This is a nightmare. We should have kept him upstairs. -This is a nightmare. We should have kept him upstairs. It was done. When Sophia put the kids to bed, America brought Otis in the room and closed the door. It was done. -It was done. When Sophia put the kids to bed, America brought Otis in the room and closed the door. It was done. Well someone clearly let him out before Monica opened the gate. -Well someone clearly let him out before Monica opened the gate. Oh fuck you, and fuck Monica while you're at it. But I guess that's what I interrupted. -Oh fuck you, and fuck Monica while you're at it. But I guess that's what I interrupted. Jesus, Sally. You are a medical miracle. The only person who's ever taken ecstacy and become angrier. -Jesus, Sally. You are a medical miracle. The only person who's ever taken ecstacy and become angrier. Yeah, let's talk about that. You seem to be rather an expert. I don't remember in the last five months of counselling your ever mentioning ecstacy or going to rage parties. -Yeah, let's talk about that. You seem to be rather an expert. I don't remember in the last five months of counselling your ever mentioning ecstacy or going to rage parties. Rave parties?! That's so typical - you would think it was called rage. Perfect! -Rave parties?! That's so typical - you would think it was called rage. Perfect! What else don't I know about, Joe? Let's get really clear here. -What else don't I know about, Joe? Let's get really clear here. Sally, so I took a few pills. I went out dancing. I tried to forget how upset I was about splitting up with you. I haven't lied to you. I told you about the people I've slept with. I just didn't mention the few occasions I took drugs because you're so fucking judgmental I knew I'd never hear the end of it, and you have so little faith and so little trust in me. Sally, we're back, I love you. Trust that. Please let's not do this. -Sally, so I took a few pills. I went out dancing. I tried to forget how upset I was about splitting up with you. I haven't lied to you. I told you about the people I've slept with. I just didn't mention the few occasions I took drugs because you're so fucking judgmental I knew I'd never hear the end of it, and you have so little faith and so little trust in me. Sally, we're back, I love you. Trust that. Please let's not do this. Otis! Come! Good boy! Come! -Otis! Come! Good boy! Come! Otis! -Otis! I'm not sure we understand that word in the same way. -I'm not sure we understand that word in the same way. Love? -Love? You walked out on a five year marriage. -You walked out on a five year marriage. That hasn't the first fucking thing to do with love. It's whether we can live together... like this! All the time. -That hasn't the first fucking thing to do with love. It's whether we can live together... like this! All the time. It's not like this all the time. -It's not like this all the time. DO I want anyone else? No. Do I want to be with you for the rest of my natural life? I'm trying. -DO I want anyone else? No. Do I want to be with you for the rest of my natural life? I'm trying. And how hard it hit? -And how hard it hit? Just stop right there, Sally. We've been through this. -Just stop right there, Sally. We've been through this. You've been through it. That's how you love people. When it's easy for you, when it's convenient for you. -You've been through it. That's how you love people. When it's easy for you, when it's convenient for you. Sally, first of all, you're talking bullshit. And second... -Sally, first of all, you're talking bullshit. And second... You want to talk about bullshit? Lucy called you three times this week. She's a fucking mess, Joe. Your sister is a fucking mess. She needs you. I talk to her more than you do. -You want to talk about bullshit? Lucy called you three times this week. She's a fucking mess, Joe. Your sister is a fucking mess. She needs you. I talk to her more than you do. That is not true. -That is not true. It is true. You know how you love, Joe? You dedicate a book to someone. -It is true. You know how you love, Joe? You dedicate a book to someone. Every novel I've had published in every language I've dedicated to Lucy. -Every novel I've had published in every language I've dedicated to Lucy. Right. And when was the last time you spoke to her? -And how fucking dare you cast Skye Davidson in that part? Have you any idea how humiliating that is for me? I'm an actress! It's about our marriage for fuck's sake. Everybody knows that... It's a novel. -It's a novel. About me! -About me! Who the fuck do you think you are? The part of Genna is not just about you. It's about every woman I've ever loved in my entire life. Including my mother. The character is also clearly in her early twenties, Sally. -Who the fuck do you think you are? The part of Genna is not just about you. It's about every woman I've ever loved in my entire life. Including my mother. The character is also clearly in her early twenties, Sally. What are you saying? -What are you saying? Hello? Last birthday was? -Hello? Last birthday was? I don't look my age, Joe. -I don't look my age, Joe. Sally, I have never considered you for this part because you are too old to play it. And you are out of touch with reality if you think differently. -Sally, I have never considered you for this part because you are too old to play it. And you are out of touch with reality if you think differently. It's a shit novel anyway. -It's a shit novel anyway. Well there you go. I let you off the hook. You're one goddamn lucky actress. -Well there you go. I let you off the hook. You're one goddamn lucky actress. Not really. I mean your books have always been pop, but this is the shallowest of the bunch. That's what all our friends think, anyway. -Not really. I mean your books have always been pop, but this is the shallowest of the bunch. That's what all our friends think, anyway. Okay. If we could've, by some miracle, stripped ten years off your face, still couldn't have got the thing made. Because I don't mean anything as a director, and your name doesn't mean fuck all anymore. And the people that can hire you are afraid to, because they think you're phoning it in. That you don't have... Oh Christ, Sally. -Okay. If we could've, by some miracle, stripped ten years off your face, still couldn't have got the thing made. Because I don't mean anything as a director, and your name doesn't mean fuck all anymore. And the people that can hire you are afraid to, because they think you're phoning it in. That you don't have... Oh Christ, Sally. Who? Who? Who thinks that? -Who? Who? Who thinks that? Your director and your co-star of your current movie. Don't dish if you can't take it, Sally. -Your director and your co-star of your current movie. Don't dish if you can't take it, Sally. Mac? Mac says it? Cal? -Cal, too? Sally, for Christ's sake. -Sally, for Christ's sake. Anyone else? -Anyone else? This is insanity. Sally... -This is insanity. Sally... Don't. -Don't. Don't push me away. -Don't push me away. I had an abortion two weeks ago. -I had an abortion two weeks ago. Don't do this. -Don't do this. I found out I was pregnant and it scared the shit out of me. -I found out I was pregnant and it scared the shit out of me. Don't do this! -Don't do this! I told you when we met I never wanted children. I don't want kids in my life. We talked about it. You weren't listening. -I told you when we met I never wanted children. I don't want kids in my life. We talked about it. You weren't listening. You changed your mind. -You changed your mind. I wanted you back. -You think this was to hurt you?! My God, Joe. It isn't about you. What?! You aborted our child?! -What?! You aborted our child?! I'm a monster. Exactly. -I'm a monster. Exactly. You're not ready. -You're not ready. Don't make allowances. I'll never be ready. Some people just shouldn't have children. I'd be a terrible fucking mother, Joe. I did want it for us. But I couldn't do it. I don't really think I can do it. -Don't make allowances. I'll never be ready. Some people just shouldn't have children. I'd be a terrible fucking mother, Joe. I did want it for us. But I couldn't do it. I don't really think I can do it. I wasn't part of that picture at all, was I? I wasn't part of that decision. Did I occur to you at all? It's a fucking farce. It's a fucking farce. How long did you think you could keep it going. You're amazing. Do you have any idea what you've done to us? -I wasn't part of that picture at all, was I? I wasn't part of that decision. Did I occur to you at all? It's a fucking farce. It's a fucking farce. How long did you think you could keep it going. You're amazing. Do you have any idea what you've done to us? Yes. -Yes. I'll never forgive you. -I'll never forgive you. I know. -I know. I have no idea who you are. -Alright, good. Thanks for your trouble. So will you leave Sally and me alone right now? Everybody hates the messenger. -I can't got tonight. I don't want to be on a plane on my own tonight. I'll be with you. -I'll be with you. I don't want to go tonight. -I don't want to go tonight. You don't have to. -No. Okay. -Okay. Pretty much a disaster, tonight, wasn't it? -Pretty much a disaster, tonight, wasn't it? I guess. -I guess. Life gets messy. Ugly messy. But I don't understand you. And I don't think I ever understood Lucy. I don't understand throwing it away. How do you throw all that away? Any of it. I want it all. You guys want guarantees? I want the possibilities. And all kinds of crap comes with that. A lot of bad shit. And I think that's okay with me because, because of the rest of the stuff. All the good shit. All the surprises. It's a fucking miracle when you come down to it. We'd have had amazing children, you and me. We'd have had a ride. You'd have surprised yourself. I'll never love anybody else, you know. -Life gets messy. Ugly messy. But I don't understand you. And I don't think I ever understood Lucy. I don't understand throwing it away. How do you throw all that away? Any of it. I want it all. You guys want guarantees? I want the possibilities. And all kinds of crap comes with that. A lot of bad shit. And I think that's okay with me because, because of the rest of the stuff. All the good shit. All the surprises. It's a fucking miracle when you come down to it. We'd have had amazing children, you and me. We'd have had a ride. You'd have surprised yourself. I'll never love anybody else, you know. Me too. -Me too. That's under lock and key. -That's under lock and key. Me too. -Happy anniversary. It's a Calder. -It's a Calder. I know. -I know. He's my favorite. -He's my favorite. I know. It's for the baby's crib. -I know. It's for the baby's crib. Ah... -They're the keys to your grandad's flat. Happy anniversary, baby. Oh, Sally Mae... -I know. Will you make love with me? -Will you make love with me? Sure. -Panes! How are you? Oh, you know, I am. -Oh, you know, I am. Has she called? -Has she called? She'll never call again. She called last week to tell me she'll never call again. Where's Sally? -What's a sign for that? Come on, Panes... -Coffee? Sure. -Sure. I'll do it. -We have a gift? Thanks, I'll take that. Champagne? -Thanks, I'll take that. Champagne? Lovely. -I love gifts. What did you guys get us? Nothing that can't be exchanged. -Nothing that can't be exchanged. Oh. Well. Good. -Oh. Well. Good. Congratulations on the deal. How exciting. Is Sally doing Sally? I mean it's Sally. The character that's based on Sally. The character that's based on Sally in the book. -Congratulations on the deal. How exciting. Is Sally doing Sally? I mean it's Sally. The character that's based on Sally. The character that's based on Sally in the book. The novel. No, Skye Davidson is playing the lead. -The novel. No, Skye Davidson is playing the lead. Oh my God, I'm a huge Skye Davidson fan. She's very beautiful. -Oh my God, I'm a huge Skye Davidson fan. She's very beautiful. Yes, she is. -Yes, she is. But I am right, yes? She's based on Sally. -But I am right, yes? She's based on Sally. It's a novel. -It's a novel. Still. Well. Let's drop it. -Still. Well. Let's drop it. Yes. -Yes. I'm not much of a reader, but I do love autobiographies, even biographies sometimes. Mostly non-fiction. Did you read the new Styron? -I'm not much of a reader, but I do love autobiographies, even biographies sometimes. Mostly non-fiction. Did you read the new Styron? No. -No. It's very good. I understand you won the Booker Prize. -It's very good. I understand you won the Booker Prize. Yes I did. -Yes I did. "Is your script much like the novel? Jerry says it's very good. But you know, you read the novel, and then you see the movie - and most of the time you say, ""what's this?"" You know? I sometimes think we're better off not reading the novel at all. Because, we come with expectations... and of course, we know where we're going. Don't you find?" -"Is your script much like the novel? Jerry says it's very good. But you know, you read the novel, and then you see the movie - and most of the time you say, ""what's this?"" You know? I sometimes think we're better off not reading the novel at all. Because, we come with expectations... and of course, we know where we're going. Don't you find?" Don't I find what? -Don't I find what? I don't know why Joe, we've known each other how long... -I don't know why Joe, we've known each other how long... Not long. -Not long. Don't be silly. -Don't be silly. Joking. -Joking. Yes I know. I started to say... I started to say Joe that -- -Yes I know. I started to say... I started to say Joe that -- Do I put you off? -Do I put you off? You manage to throw me off balance. I adore you. -You manage to throw me off balance. I adore you. And I you. -And I you. But I'm always afraid I'll say something stupid. -But I'm always afraid I'll say something stupid. Ah. -Ah. And so I always manage to, do you see? Like the book/script thing, do you see? -And so I always manage to, do you see? Like the book/script thing, do you see? Mmm hmmm. -The infamous dog? He's the best dog in the world. They're both coming tonight. Not my idea. -He's the best dog in the world. They're both coming tonight. Not my idea. Ours. -Ours. It's Jerry's worst idea. -You lose this? Ah there's our snookums now. -You got your DP? What? Oh yeah, the camera man? They gave me a list. -What? Oh yeah, the camera man? They gave me a list. And you got Skye Davidson. Pretty big leagues for a first timer. Do you even like movies? -And you got Skye Davidson. Pretty big leagues for a first timer. Do you even like movies? Not particularly. Weird, isn't it? God I'm rally up. Do you feel anything yet, Mac? -Not particularly. Weird, isn't it? God I'm rally up. Do you feel anything yet, Mac? Kind of. Hey, look - John Seale, Oliver Stapelton, Darius Khonji - they're friends. And great DP's I could give them a call for you. -Kind of. Hey, look - John Seale, Oliver Stapelton, Darius Khonji - they're friends. And great DP's I could give them a call for you. Thanks, Mac. And thanks for being so supportive about all this. I really love you, you know. -Thanks, Mac. And thanks for being so supportive about all this. I really love you, you know. Hey, I'm happy for you, buddy. Anything I can do. -Hey, I'm happy for you, buddy. Anything I can do. God, I really need to jump about a bit. How's your film going? -Well, you know...good days, bad days. I meant Sally. -I meant Sally. I meant Sally. -I meant Sally. Oh. You're serious. -Oh. You're serious. No. No. Let me tell you something. Directing's the best preparation possible for fatherhood. The sleep depravation alone. -No. No. Let me tell you something. Directing's the best preparation possible for fatherhood. The sleep depravation alone. Oh don't. Everyone says that. -Please, Ryan. No, he's absolutely right. You're absolutely right, Ryan. Dog talk must be banned. Canine conversations are completely discouraged... it's really good of you to join us. Can I get you a drink? -Something soft. Right away. Are you sure you wouldn't like something soft, Ryan? -Your Eames table is incredible. And the B&B. I just put that in a client's home, actually, but in red. You're an interior decorator, right? -You're an interior decorator, right? Sally did all this herself? -Sally did all this herself? In fits and starts -- and then, later, of course, she had to accommodate me. So things shifted a little bit then, became more eclectic. And it keeps changing. -In fits and starts -- and then, later, of course, she had to accommodate me. So things shifted a little bit then, became more eclectic. And it keeps changing. Mmm. It says something about the two of you maybe. -Mmm. It says something about the two of you maybe. Yeah, we're in a constant state of flux. I see you've moved up from the soft stuff. -Yeah, we're in a constant state of flux. I see you've moved up from the soft stuff. Oh, yes. You know Ryan's been sober eight years. And it's difficult if I... you know. It's better if I don't. -Oh, yes. You know Ryan's been sober eight years. And it's difficult if I... you know. It's better if I don't. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. I'm a little nervous, so... -I'm a little nervous, so... Oh. -Oh. A little out of my element. -A little out of my element. No you're not. -No you're not. Well, yes. Yes, in fact. A little on the outside, yes. And there's been all this friction. -Well, yes. Yes, in fact. A little on the outside, yes. And there's been all this friction. Hm. -Hm. I don't know why, but these misunderstandings have a way of escalating. -I don't know why, but these misunderstandings have a way of escalating. Very well put. -Very well put. I think a lot of this could have been avoided if Sally made more of an effort. -I think a lot of this could have been avoided if Sally made more of an effort. What? -What? But you're very private people. You know, there's a kind of elitism... -But you're very private people. You know, there's a kind of elitism... Elitism? -Elitism? The wrong word, maybe. Delete that. And, you know, the dog barks incessantly. -The wrong word, maybe. Delete that. And, you know, the dog barks incessantly. And you know, he really does not. -And you know, he really does not. And Ryan works at home. -And Ryan works at home. And your phone calls are nasty and abusive. And I've come this close to suing you for harassment. And you're only here because we're supposed to be sucking up to you. -Oh shit. I'm sorry. Well, that's what Ryan thought. I was more generous, actually. -Well, that's what Ryan thought. I was more generous, actually. Oh shit. I'm sorry. I'm a total fucking maniac. Delete all that, okay? I spoke for myself, this needn't rub off on my wife. Oh shit. I get pissy sometimes. Much worse than Otis. Otis doesn't bite. It's just, I really love my dog and he doesn't really bark a lot. We live in a canyon. We hear dogs barking at night, too. And it's not Otis. -Easy tiger. Alright. Please don't tell Ryan I'm drinking. -Alright. Please don't tell Ryan I'm drinking. Scout's honor. -Scout's honor. I'll be your best friend. -Would you sign it for me. I'm sure this is inappropriate. We're way past inappropriate. -I need to leave you now. I will treasure this. -I will treasure this. Sally!!!! -Are you okay? I don't think so. I feel. I feel a bit funny. -I don't think so. I feel. I feel a bit funny. Let's go for a walk. -I've never done this before. Oh? It's easy. You just put one foot in front of the other... That's a good girl. -Oh? It's easy. You just put one foot in front of the other... That's a good girl. I'm a little in the puke zone. -I'm a little in the puke zone. Here, drink this. Drink lots of water. Hold on to this. Take deep breaths. Nice and slow. Would you like a lolly? -Here, drink this. Drink lots of water. Hold on to this. Take deep breaths. Nice and slow. Would you like a lolly? What am I, five? -What am I, five? You're never too old for a lolly. I'm having one. -You're never too old for a lolly. I'm having one. Okay. -Lemon or raspberry? Lemon. -Lemon. Lemon it is. -Ryan's really angry with me. I think he's really angry with me too. -I think he's really angry with me too. It's really not the same thing. He was really nicer when he drank. -It's really not the same thing. He was really nicer when he drank. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Eight years, though. That's quite an accomplishment. -Eight years, though. That's quite an accomplishment. That's a lot of those. -That's a lot of those. Medallions. -Medallions. A lot of cakes. -A lot of cakes. Yes. -Yes. And he doesn't smoke? -And he doesn't smoke? He has to find non-smoker's meetings that used to be almost impossible, you know? It's gotten much better. -He has to find non-smoker's meetings that used to be almost impossible, you know? It's gotten much better. How long have you been married? -How long have you been married? Nine...nine, yes? Nine years, just about. -Nine...nine, yes? Nine years, just about. You must have been a baby. -You must have been a baby. Oh yes. Nineteen...just. I'm cold. -Oh yes. Nineteen...just. I'm cold. Come here. -That's very nice. I like you. -I like you. I'm so glad. You know, I recognize that passage in your book. The bit about us running into each other in the movie theatre. -I'm so glad. You know, I recognize that passage in your book. The bit about us running into each other in the movie theatre. Sorry? -Sorry? I know you changed it to a bookstore. And the color of my hair. But the moment was exactly the same. The same, you know, dynamic. And almost verbatim, wasn't it? -I know you changed it to a bookstore. And the color of my hair. But the moment was exactly the same. The same, you know, dynamic. And almost verbatim, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. For a writer nothing's sacred. No, nothing at all. -Yeah, it was. For a writer nothing's sacred. No, nothing at all. I think it's great that I made an impression at all, you know. -Stop being such a bitch, Sal. I'm so sorry. -I'm so sorry. It was a mistake. This isn't a plot to do in Otis. -How do you do, Skye? Oh, I love that. I'm just great. I'm so happy to be here. And I apologize for invading you. And I'm so happy you asked me to. I'm so touched. I know how private you and Sally are. -Oh, I love that. I'm just great. I'm so happy to be here. And I apologize for invading you. And I'm so happy you asked me to. I'm so touched. I know how private you and Sally are. Yeah, well, it's just us and a few hundred of our closest friends. -Yeah, well, it's just us and a few hundred of our closest friends. When I read your work I felt that you knew me. Women must tell you that. And this one in particular speaks to me, do you know? I am Genna. How many women must tell you that. And the script is wonderful. Wonderful and lean and visual... -When I read your work I felt that you knew me. Women must tell you that. And this one in particular speaks to me, do you know? I am Genna. How many women must tell you that. And the script is wonderful. Wonderful and lean and visual... I'm so happy you like it. I'm so relieved you said yes, and I'm really, um, what, thrilled, yes actually, to finally meet you. -I'm so happy you like it. I'm so relieved you said yes, and I'm really, um, what, thrilled, yes actually, to finally meet you. You're going to be a remarkable director, a brilliant director. -I think there are sixteen there. This is an amazing present. What a sweetheart you are. -Of course it's alright. Clair is a hovering mother. -What? Trust him. -I didn't say a word. Time! -I was faking it. I've been feeling caged for sometime. Funny, huh? No, it's not... Fuck fuck fuck fuck. -Jesus Christ. Well...wow... -How's he doing? Not good. -Ryan. I'm sure you understand. -Well, yes, actually. He always has two or three going... -I love it here. Don't you love it here, Ryan? I love it here. And I love tonight. And I love these people. And this feels utterly fantastic, Ryan. Utterly fantastic. You know what Sally Therrian was saying about your spine and your brain? She didn't pull that out of thin air. It causes brain damage. You'd better drink a lot of water. -You know what Sally Therrian was saying about your spine and your brain? She didn't pull that out of thin air. It causes brain damage. You'd better drink a lot of water. Do you want to go home, Ryan? -Do you want to go home, Ryan? Yes. -Yes. I think you should then. You should look in on Sheila. -I think you should then. You should look in on Sheila. I'm not going to leave you alone. -I'm not going to leave you alone. They're really nice people, Ryan. They're like us... -They're really nice people, Ryan. They're like us... They're nothing like us. -They're nothing like us. I think you need to speak for yourself, Ryan. But I think you're really nice people... -Are you making an ass of yourself? There's only you, Ryan. You know what, Ryan? You're beautiful. I love you so much... You need... -There's only you, Ryan. You know what, Ryan? You're beautiful. I love you so much... You need... I don't need a drug. -I don't need a drug. You need a good review and you'll be fine. The whole color of the world will change, mark my words. -Ready to go? I'm going to go get my swimsuit. I do know, Ryan, this is non addictive so you mustn't worry. Ryan, you're a great man. -Ryan, you've got to come! You've got to help me find the dog! I let their dog out. We need to find the dog. You're not serious. -You're not serious. I left the gate open and Otis got out! He could get hit by a car! -I left the gate open and Otis got out! He could get hit by a car! God willing. -God willing. We have to find the dog, Ryan. -We have to find the dog, Ryan. Why? -Why? Because we're nice people, and because what goes around comes around. Because, God help you if something happens to that dog? -Because we're nice people, and because what goes around comes around. Because, God help you if something happens to that dog? Excuse me? -Excuse me? All the ugly phone calls? We're not the only people with a tape recorder, Ryan. They've gone to the canyon, we should go towards the PCH. -Jesus Christ, it's a fucking dog! Don't go in, Ryan. -Don't go in, Ryan. What? -What? Let's just go home, okay? -Hi. Monica and Ryan? Sally? -Sally? Yes. And you've met Joe. -We could hardly say no. Oh? -Ryan! Are you working on a new book? -Hors d'oeuvres or something? Yes, great! It's a beautiful house. -Yes, great! It's a beautiful house. Thank you. I understand you're an interior decorator. -Thank you. I understand you're an interior decorator. Yes. -Yes. I so wish I'd known. -I so wish I'd known. Well, whoever did this is amazing. -Well, whoever did this is amazing. I did it. -I'm sorry. There's a goddamn sign on the gate. -There's a goddamn sign on the gate. I'm so sorry. -I'm so sorry. You fucking cow, can't you read?! -You fucking cow, can't you read?! I... -I... How long ago was it? -Come on in. I'm in the same room with Sally Nash. Oh my God. You're my icon. I've been watching your films since I was a little girl. Like, four years ago I followed you all around the Beverly Center - at least half a day, working up the courage to introduce myself. -And I'm overwhelmed. And I want to do it justice. And I hope we can spend time together. And I'm gushing. It's my worst quality. Not at all. -Not at all. Oh my god. I've been so rude. I'm Skye Davidson. Has anyone ever told you, you look like Peter Sellers? -Oh my god. I've been so rude. I'm Skye Davidson. Has anyone ever told you, you look like Peter Sellers? No, never. -Is there space here? Yes. -Yes. Do you need anything else? -Do you need anything else? No, no thanks. -I was impressed. Oh? -Oh? The charades. -The charades. Thank you. -Thank you. That was my clue. -That was my clue. Oh? -Oh? The Shostakovich. -The Shostakovich. Really?? -Really?? Oh yes, indeed. That was my clue, you see. -Otis!! Shostakovich identified with the Jew. He felt persecuted, hunted, crushed under the thumb of Stalinist imperialism. Not to mention Andrew Zhdanov... Otis, come!! -Not to mention Andrew Zhdanov... Otis, come!! Andre Zhdanov? How the hell do you know about Andre Zhdanov? -Andre Zhdanov? How the hell do you know about Andre Zhdanov? Who doesn't know about the infamous composer's conference of 1948 where Zhdanov persecuted the leaders of Soviet Music - Shostakovich, Prokofieve, and Myaskovsky. -Who doesn't know about the infamous composer's conference of 1948 where Zhdanov persecuted the leaders of Soviet Music - Shostakovich, Prokofieve, and Myaskovsky. I'll tell you who doesn't know, cute girls don't know. -I'll tell you who doesn't know, cute girls don't know. Do Peter Sellers again. -Do Peter Sellers again. Otis you crazy dog! Otis are you in this God forsaken Canyon? My people are very hungry. -Otis you crazy dog! Otis are you in this God forsaken Canyon? My people are very hungry. I just did a movie about Bob Yar, I played Gittle, the Jewish milkmaid who gets shot in the head, and they used Shostakovich's 13th Symphony. -I just did a movie about Bob Yar, I played Gittle, the Jewish milkmaid who gets shot in the head, and they used Shostakovich's 13th Symphony. Set to the poem of Yetveshenko! -Set to the poem of Yetveshenko! Exactly! So I dug it, and I did a lot of research. -Exactly! So I dug it, and I did a lot of research. Do you really, you really, like Shostakovich? -Do you really, you really, like Shostakovich? Yeah. -Yeah. Would you, like, marry him? -Would you, like, marry him? If he were still alive, maybe. -If he were still alive, maybe. How about someone who really really liked Shostakovich? -How about someone who really really liked Shostakovich? Are you asking me to marry you? -Are you asking me to marry you? No, I'm just testing to see how deeply perverted and impulsive you are. -No, I'm just testing to see how deeply perverted and impulsive you are. Very. -Very. Oh good, I'm worse... Are you really twenty-two? -Oh good, I'm worse... Are you really twenty-two? Who told you that? No. I'm twenty... Five. -Good, you brought your violin. I want you to play. It's a machine gun. I thought I'd kill myself. -It's a machine gun. I thought I'd kill myself. Are you lovesick? -Are you lovesick? Suicidal. It's much less codependent. -Suicidal. It's much less codependent. Will champagne help? -Will champagne help? Not enough. -Panes is here! Oh great. -She's even better looking in the flesh. Really? I need a drink. Come hide with me. -Oh, Jesus, Panes. I can't, I can't believe that bitch is in my house. You don't know she's a bitch. -You don't know she's a bitch. She's all over him, are you blind? -She's all over him, are you blind? It could be worse. -It could be worse. How? -How? She could be playing the role in Joe's movie that should be yours. -She could be playing the role in Joe's movie that should be yours. Fuck you, Panes. -Fuck you, Panes. You see, that's worse. -You see, that's worse. I just wanted tonight to be with the people we love. -I just wanted tonight to be with the people we love. Like your business managers? -Like your business managers? They're not just our business managers, Panes. -They're not just our business managers, Panes. Oh, okay, forgive me. Your neighbors are here, for fuck's sake. -Oh, okay, forgive me. Your neighbors are here, for fuck's sake. Exactly what I mean. It's all ruined. -Exactly what I mean. It's all ruined. It's not ruined, for fuck's sake. It's one of your parties. -It's not ruined, for fuck's sake. It's one of your parties. I don't want it to be just one of our parties. -I don't want it to be just one of our parties. """How are you really doing, Panes?"" ""Lousy, thank you, I'm falling apart.""" -"""How are you really doing, Panes?"" ""Lousy, thank you, I'm falling apart.""" Like the last time. -Like the last time. No. No, not like the last time. She was the rest of my life. -No. No, not like the last time. She was the rest of my life. Like the last time. -Like the last time. I wasn't finished. -I wasn't finished. Okay. -Okay. """We can't stand seeing you like this, Panes. I hate you being alone. Why don't you stay with us for a while?"" ""I'd love to, thanks.""" -"""We can't stand seeing you like this, Panes. I hate you being alone. Why don't you stay with us for a while?"" ""I'd love to, thanks.""" It's our anniversary, Panes. -It's our anniversary, Panes. I didn't hear me say tonight. -I didn't hear me say tonight. We're just feeling our way back. -We're just feeling our way back. """Otherwise, we'd insist on your being here.""" -"""Otherwise, we'd insist on your being here.""" You know it's true. -Everyday. I'm Levi Panes. Will you excuse us, Skye? It's time for Sally's meds. -Shit! I'd cut off her red wine if I were you. -I'd cut off her red wine if I were you. Shit. It's my Galiano. -Shit. It's my Galiano. What does that mean? -What does that mean? About five thousand dollars. With my discount. -So how are you really doing, Panes? Why don't you go fuck yourself? -Why don't you go fuck yourself? No. Really. For real. Really. -No. Really. For real. Really. I'm worried about your Galiano. -I'm worried about your Galiano. You're a shit. -You're a shit. No, really, five thousand with your discount. -How's the movie going? Your movie. You are making a movie, aren't you? Yes. Fine. -Yes. Fine. That's it? Yes. Fine? -That's it? Yes. Fine? I don't want to talk about it. -I don't want to talk about it. Why not? -Why not? I never like to talk about my work. -I never like to talk about my work. Alright. Well, that's something new. -Alright. Well, that's something new. No. Not something new. -No. Not something new. Well, something's wrong. -Well, something's wrong. Nothing's wrong. It's great, okay? Having the time of my life. Mac's a fantastic director. And what can anyone say about Cal that hasn't been said. And it's great working with friends, blah blah blah. -Nothing's wrong. It's great, okay? Having the time of my life. Mac's a fantastic director. And what can anyone say about Cal that hasn't been said. And it's great working with friends, blah blah blah. Um. Happy for you. -Um. Happy for you. Thanks. -Thanks. So tell me, how's it going? -So tell me, how's it going? Oh you know. No doubts. No second thoughts. Am I a monster? -Oh you know. No doubts. No second thoughts. Am I a monster? You're my best friend. -You're my best friend. That's not an answer, is it? -That's not an answer, is it? Yes, you're a monster. -Thank you, Panes. You don't need to thank me. -You don't need to thank me. We're going to have to go back out there. -We're going to have to go back out there. I guess. -Panes? From Jewish Folk Poetry, a song cycle... -What did I do? Panes is not on my team anymore. I'll have Panes if I like. -Yes. Well, so glad you decided to come. -Thank you. This was so unnecessary. I hope you've noticed that Otis isn't barking as much. We keep him in at night. At 4:30 today he barked for a solid fifteen minutes. I have it on tape. -At 4:30 today he barked for a solid fifteen minutes. I have it on tape. You're keeping a record, are you? -You're keeping a record, are you? It's just very distracting when you're trying to work. -Well the neighborhood is full of dogs, and it's not always Otis. Well today it was Otis. And you should keep him away from our yard. Because Sheila will defend herself. -Monica and Ryan. Rose. -I didn't know you had this. Oh. Well, yes. It's extraordinary. You think you could sign it for us? -Oh. Well, yes. It's extraordinary. You think you could sign it for us? Absolutely. You always wonder where your books end up. Why don't we use it? -Oh my God, sorry. I'm interrupting. I'll be right out. -I don't think I ever spent half a day in the Beverly Center. Whatever, do you remember? I've seen all your movies. When I was in rehab, the second time, they wouldn't even let us see your drug addict movie. They said you were too real. I worship you. And I couldn't be more flattered, because I know the part I'm playing in Joe's movie is based on you as a young woman. -Happy anniversary. Thank you for making me a part of it. What are they? -You don't need to do that. I don't mind... -I don't mind... Relax. You've done enough. -Enough about me. Evie has a little something for you. -Oh my God! America told me your neighbors are coming? And here they are! -And here they are! And she was saying how happy you were to finally have them over. Because you're both, so, what - introspective? And you should have done it ages ago. I'm Sophia Gold. Come meet my husband, Cal. -He's a novelist. Ah. -Ah. Like Joe. -Like Joe. Hmm. Where are my kids? -Hmm. Where are my kids? In the guest room. I've laid out a paint table for them. -In the guest room. I've laid out a paint table for them. I hope they're watercolors! -I hope they're watercolors! Nevermind. -Nevermind. Would you like to meet my husband? -Isn't this a fabulous picture? Yes. -Yes. She's such a great photographer. -She's such a great photographer. Hm. -Hm. So where should I put it? -So where should I put it? I thought it was okay where it was. -I thought it was okay where it was. It's much more personal in here. -It's much more personal in here. A notch above the storage room. -A notch above the storage room. We're always in here. She really gets him, doesn't she? -We're always in here. She really gets him, doesn't she? The both of you. -The both of you. But she really gets to the heart of Joe, doesn't she? She's a genius. -But she really gets to the heart of Joe, doesn't she? She's a genius. So how much do you hate her? -So how much do you hate her? Big time. -Well, I don't trust her. I never have. She took our wedding photos, for chrissakes. You don't trust anyone. -She took our wedding photos, for chrissakes. You don't trust anyone. I trust you. -I trust you. Oh Soph... -Oh Soph... You'll hate it in London. It's wet and miserable. A medical hellhole Sally. It's socialized. Beds in the corridors. Terrible plumbing. -You'll hate it in London. It's wet and miserable. A medical hellhole Sally. It's socialized. Beds in the corridors. Terrible plumbing. And the food sucks, I know. -And the food sucks, I know. You are not having your baby in London. You're going to have your baby at Cedars in Beverly Hills, America, delivered by Dr. Milton Cohen. Period. And you're getting that epidural right away, don't let anyone talk you into any of that Lamase bullshit. There's no excuse for pain like that. -You are not having your baby in London. You're going to have your baby at Cedars in Beverly Hills, America, delivered by Dr. Milton Cohen. Period. And you're getting that epidural right away, don't let anyone talk you into any of that Lamase bullshit. There's no excuse for pain like that. Sophia! I'm not even pregnant! -Sophia! I'm not even pregnant! Well good. Thank God. -Well good. Thank God. Let's go in the kitchen and spy on everyone. -Let's go in the kitchen and spy on everyone. Oh honey, let's. -What do you mean, thank God? Well, are you sure about this baby thing? It's not the ticking clock shit, is it? -Well, are you sure about this baby thing? It's not the ticking clock shit, is it? No, no, not at all... I mean I've still got plenty of time. Don't I? I mean I still have a good six years, whatever. We could have three kids yet, if we wanted. And I know I've always said I never wanted kids, and I didn't... but this year, I really, truly, feel ready... -No, no, not at all... I mean I've still got plenty of time. Don't I? I mean I still have a good six years, whatever. We could have three kids yet, if we wanted. And I know I've always said I never wanted kids, and I didn't... but this year, I really, truly, feel ready... Honey, I'm not worried about you. You are going to be a fantastic mom. Not an issue. I pressed you, remember? Joe, on the other hand, is a different story. -Honey, I'm not worried about you. You are going to be a fantastic mom. Not an issue. I pressed you, remember? Joe, on the other hand, is a different story. Oh Soph, Joe loves kids. Joe wants kids. Joe thinks he needs kids. -Oh Soph, Joe loves kids. Joe wants kids. Joe thinks he needs kids. He wants playmates. Oh he's a sweetheart, Sal, you know I love him. But he's not going to be a good father. He's just not parenting material. -He wants playmates. Oh he's a sweetheart, Sal, you know I love him. But he's not going to be a good father. He's just not parenting material. Hey, let's sit down. I bet the rug feels really nice against your skin. -Don't try and change the subject. Oh God, it feels great! He's just a little narcissistic, irresponsible and unreliable. And Cal's this massive adult? -And Cal's this massive adult? Cal knows who he is. Did you notice how happy Joe was when the drugs came out tonight? -Cal knows who he is. Did you notice how happy Joe was when the drugs came out tonight? You weren't exactly horrified. -You weren't exactly horrified. I don't have a drug problem. -I don't have a drug problem. Neither does Joe. -Neither does Joe. His sister does. Big time. And the New York Times says addiction is genetic -- I'll e-mail you the article. -You don't have kids to keep a marriage together, Sally. It's only five months since Joe came back. We're fine. We're great. We're having a baby and we're moving to London. -We're fine. We're great. We're having a baby and we're moving to London. Well, you weren't fine last summer when you went Sylvia Plath on me in Connecticut. -Well, you weren't fine last summer when you went Sylvia Plath on me in Connecticut. Not nice. Not kind. -Not nice. Not kind. Ha! Not half so not kind as your husband was in his portrayal of you in his novel. -Ha! Not half so not kind as your husband was in his portrayal of you in his novel. Why are you doing this? -Why are you doing this? His image of you is a possessive, fragile neurotic. -His image of you is a possessive, fragile neurotic. But I am a possessive, fragile neurotic. -But I am a possessive, fragile neurotic. "No you are not. You're Sally Nash. Listen to me, you're Sally Nash. You're my best friend and I love you more than anyone, and you're not going to move to London to have the offspring of a sexually ambivalent man-child. ""Oh now I'm a novelist, oh now I'm a director..."" English prick bastard Joe Therrian who's probably going to leave you for Skye Davidson anyway." -Sorry Azteca. Here you go, fellas! Fresh dirt! Alley oop! Shouldn't we be wearing gloves? I mean this dirt is very...dirty. Doesn't anyone think of hygiene? Boy am I hungry. I'm so hungry I'm seeing double. It looks like there's two million ants in here. When's lunch? Tomorrow, or the day after? Z, old pal... SHUT UP!!! It's bad enough there's a food shortage without you complaining about it every day. -Z, old pal... SHUT UP!!! It's bad enough there's a food shortage without you complaining about it every day. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. -The squeaky wheel gets the oil. No, Z. The squeaky wheel gets thrown away, alright? You're a good ant, Z, even though you are a pain in my rear- segment. I don't wanna see anything happen to you. So quit mouthing off, before you get in trouble. -No, Z. The squeaky wheel gets thrown away, alright? You're a good ant, Z, even though you are a pain in my rear- segment. I don't wanna see anything happen to you. So quit mouthing off, before you get in trouble. Thank goodness. Breaktime. -Break's over. This colony needs another tunnel like a hole in the ground. Why are we even digging this thing? -This colony needs another tunnel like a hole in the ground. Why are we even digging this thing? Who cares, Z. All I know is, we gotta dig. We're not the ones in charge. -Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? I'm new...I was born yesterday. -I'm new...I was born yesterday. Tell me about it. -Tell me about it. Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- -Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... -I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. -Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. Are you asking me out to dinner? -Are you asking me out to dinner? No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. -No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. -Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! -You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! -Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... Invisible! -Invisible! No -- an individual! -Someone who follows his heart! Right...because every ant's important! -General -- we have to talk sometime! Very well. Carpenter, is there a convenient time to talk vis-a-vis: relationship? -So, um...how was your day? What did you do? Well... I declared war! -Well... I declared war! Oh...and I was afraid we had nothing in common... -He's...he's dead. You don't have to look for him anymore. He was eaten by a praying mantis. It's a shame he died prematurely...I was hoping to kill him myself. -It's a shame he died prematurely...I was hoping to kill him myself. Well you'll never be able to hurt him where he is now. I miss him already. -Well you'll never be able to hurt him where he is now. I miss him already. You miss him? Why? -You miss him? Why? Because...because he's twice the ant that you are. I could never go through with marrying you. I'm -- I'm an individual, and when I get married, it'll be to someone I choose. -What a bunch of losers. Mindless zombies capitulating to an oppressive system -- Wanna dance? -So uh -- how come I haven't seen you around here before? I work in the palace, I don't get out much. -I work in the palace, I don't get out much. The palace, hunh? I bet those royals really live it up. Of course they're all a little, you know, from inbreeding -- -The palace, hunh? I bet those royals really live it up. Of course they're all a little, you know, from inbreeding -- What? -Are you sure this is a real dance? Well, actually, uh -- I'm sort of making it up -- -Well, actually, uh -- I'm sort of making it up -- Really? -Really? Why should everyone dance the same way? It's as exciting as watching fungus grow. -Why should everyone dance the same way? It's as exciting as watching fungus grow. You're right! -You're right! You -- you think I'm right? -You -- you think I'm right? Why can't I just do whatever I want to do? Why can't I just go wild?! Yahoo! -You watch yours, soldier, or my worker friend will beat you up! Oh, that's okay, I'll let him off this time. Are you crazy? This guy's built like a pebble! You know they do great prosthetic antennas nowadays -- -Oh, that's okay, I'll let him off this time. Are you crazy? This guy's built like a pebble! You know they do great prosthetic antennas nowadays -- Aren't you gonna stand up for yourself? -Uh oh. Goodbye! Gotta run! Wait! When can I see you again? -Wait! When can I see you again? Let me think. Hmmnn... Never. Bye! -You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. -And you are...? I'm Princess Bala. -I'm Princess Bala. Ah, yes. Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? -Ah, yes. Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? Yes. -Yes. Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. -No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- -You dance... Divinely? -Divinely? No weirdly...You remind me of someone... -He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? No...as a matter of fact... -No...as a matter of fact... OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! -Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! -I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! That's not what you said the other night -- -That's not what you said the other night -- Quiet -- sshhh!! -Quiet -- sshhh!! -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! --- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! SSHH!!! SSHH!!! -What was that thing? How should I know? -How should I know? I order you to find out where we are! -I order you to find out where we are! Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. -Excuse me, I -- Pardon me -- And they call them social insects. Climb up that tree and get a better view! -I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? -Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! -Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! -Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! But can there be a society composed of just two ants? -But can there be a society composed of just two ants? "No! There's no such thing as ""just two ants."" You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants!" -"No! There's no such thing as ""just two ants."" You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants!" Look around, sweetheart. -I -- hate -- you. Well I guess that makes us even. -Well I guess that makes us even. Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! -Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! -Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! -I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? -Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... ...choose who she wanted to marry? -Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. -Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! -Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... That direction. -Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... That direction. Worker! Come back here now! -Worker! Come back here now! I've got a name. It's Z. -I've got a name. It's Z. That's not a name! That's just a letter! -Water...water... Water...water -- oh, you already said that. -Water...water -- oh, you already said that. My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. -My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. -We're going to die! Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? -Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Want a list? -Want a list? Wait, I hear something! -This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. -Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. "Listen, ""Princess"", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just --" -Out here I'm just what? Hlllllllp! -Hlllllllp! Stop fooling around in there. -Princess, has it ever occurred to you that they're not going to rescue you? General Formica won't let me die out here. I'm his fiancee. -General Formica won't let me die out here. I'm his fiancee. Look. How many other Princesses are there? -Look. How many other Princesses are there? Five thousand three hundred and ninety -- no. About five thousand four hundred by now. -Five thousand three hundred and ninety -- no. About five thousand four hundred by now. And only you can become a Queen? -And only you can become a Queen? Well...no, but -- -Well...no, but -- So what makes you so special? -So what makes you so special? Well...I am the oldest. -Face it, Z, we're lost! We must have walked halfway across the world by now! How did I get into this mess... Come on...tell me there wasn't just a little...something between us that first night at the bar. The night we danced. -Come on...tell me there wasn't just a little...something between us that first night at the bar. The night we danced. What difference does it make...we're both going to starve to death, or get squished, or set on fire... -We've found it! Insectopia! Look at all this food' You were right...you were right! Z, it's beautiful! -You were right...you were right! Z, it's beautiful! Let's dig in! -Z...if we don't make it...I just want you to know.... Yes? -Yes? This is all your fault!!! -Come on, Z. "Forget it. You go ahead, I give up. I...I don't know what I was thinking. ""Insectopia""." -So...you never did tell me...what made you come out to the worker bar that night? Just looking for fun, adventure, trouble, I guess. -Just looking for fun, adventure, trouble, I guess. "Well, ""trouble"" is my middle name. Actually, my middle name is .985, but I don't tell people. Hey, Bala, I...I actually have something of yours...you left it at the bar that night." -Sorry, it's been through a war, not to mention everything else... You held onto this all that time? -You held onto this all that time? Well, I...I know it's a little strange, but...I thought it might come in handy if I...needed a scarf someday. Well, to be honest, I just liked having it. -Why do they have you tied up here? There's something going on, Z -- -Bala, that -- that lake we found -- I think the tunnel's right underneath it! -- Formica's going to flood the colony!!! That's what he meant when said there were too many ants! Oh no... -Z! what are you doing? I know it's crazy, but -- I can't just leave. Don't argue with me. If I've learned anything, it's that the problems of two people don't add up to a hill of ants in this world. Or beans. Something like that. Anyway, I've got to warn the others. -I mean, I've got the whole package, right? A great life, a beautiful wife, and a few kids. A few? -The Club's so stuffy. I want to try someplace different. There isn't anyplace else -- Except the worker bar. -There isn't anyplace else -- Except the worker bar. The worker bar! Yes! That's where I want to go! -We shouldn't be doing this -- it isn't proper! I'm the Princess, aren't I? -I'm the Princess, aren't I? Of course -- -Of course -- And do Princesses do improper things? -And do Princesses do improper things? Of course not -- -Of course not -- Then if I go to the worker bar, it isn't improper. Anyway, don't worry. No one will recognize us in our disguises. -Bala has always been a hopeless romantic, General. It's just that -- well, I'm honored that you selected me, and everything, I just thought the marriage might go a little more smoothly if -- we had a conversation? -I felt the same way before I got married. Confused. Scared. You did? -You did? Yes -- but I did my duty and sorted out all those messy feelings. The wonderful thing about ant life is that everything is arranged. Even marriage. You're lucky -- General Formica is a paragon of anthood. -Yes -- but I did my duty and sorted out all those messy feelings. The wonderful thing about ant life is that everything is arranged. Even marriage. You're lucky -- General Formica is a paragon of anthood. Yes...he's wonderful... -Who is that idiot? Darling, you must encourage the troops -- wave! -Bala! Mom! -You new, kid? I just joined up. But I'm quitting! I got a trial membership! -I just joined up. But I'm quitting! I got a trial membership! Trial membership? Kid, when you join this ant's army, you're in for the full hitch. -You just stick by old Barbatus. He'll watch out for you. Whatsamatter, kid? Leave a girl behind? Yeah. Well -- no. She's kind of playing hard to get. As a matter of fact, she's playing completely unattainable. So, what's on the schedule? A brisk walk? a foraging expedition? -Yeah. Well -- no. She's kind of playing hard to get. As a matter of fact, she's playing completely unattainable. So, what's on the schedule? A brisk walk? a foraging expedition? No -- we're going to attack the termites! -No -- we're going to attack the termites! Attack? But -- I hate attacking! It's so hostile! -Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! -So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! Superior numbers, kid! -Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. -BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! Don't get all sappy about it! -Z! Over here! Barbatus? -Barbatus! Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? -Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. -No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. I can't feel my legs... -No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. I can't feel my legs... Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! -Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! I wonder...what...was it all...for... -I wonder...what...was it all...for... Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! -Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... -Princess Bala, sir. Your fiancee. Princess! You look -- outstanding. Is there anything I can do for you? -Actually, sir, we're ahead of schedule. We have thirty-six seconds available right now. Outstanding. Princess...? -Fourteen-fifty hours, sir. Duty calls! -Dammit, this tunnel is priority A-1! We can't afford any delays on this project! I've never seen anything like it, General, they're they're...well, look! -Notice the big one, holding hands with the female? Well, uh, who notices workers, sir? -Well, uh, who notices workers, sir? No one should have to. Have him brought to me. -"What do we have on this ""Insectopia""?" Scattered reports, sir. Rumors. Nothing reliable. -Scattered reports, sir. Rumors. Nothing reliable. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Get me Ant Team Six. -Desperate times call for desperate measures. Get me Ant Team Six. Ant Team Six... -What are you doing?! ATTACK!! Come on, you yellow-bellies! Don't just stand there, Carpenter! Make an example of yourself! Uh, actually, we are outnumbered sir... -So this Z...he fancies himself an individual? Yeah...I mean...well...I don't know, really, sir. -Yeah...I mean...well...I don't know, really, sir. Well now you haven't fallen for this silly idea of individuality, have you? -Well now you haven't fallen for this silly idea of individuality, have you? Oh, no, sir! -Oh, no, sir! Good. You're a good soldier. -Good. You're a good soldier. Thank you, sir. -So tell me. Where's Z? I...I have no idea, sir. -I...I have no idea, sir. Okay, son. -We know what makes an ant colony strong, don't we? We know that no ant can be an individual. No single ant matters, right? That's correct, sir! -That's correct, sir! Not that one. Or that one. -Not that one. Or that one. No, sir! -Lays it on a little thick, doesn't he? If you ask me, he's one giant bore. Now I've heard a lot of scuttlebutt about a food shortage. Well you boys are gonna be taken care of. But in the meantime we're gonna eat the enemy for breakfast, we are gonna eat the enemy for lunch, and we are gonna eat the enemy for dinner! -Now I've heard a lot of scuttlebutt about a food shortage. Well you boys are gonna be taken care of. But in the meantime we're gonna eat the enemy for breakfast, we are gonna eat the enemy for lunch, and we are gonna eat the enemy for dinner! Geez, and I forgot my toothbrush. -Geez, and I forgot my toothbrush. Dammit, I'm proud to be an ant. And I know each and every one of you boys will do your duty. Dismissed. -No -- you -- you don't understand! Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! -Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? -Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. -Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. ONE TO NOTHING! -Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? -Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! -Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Engaged? As in you're getting married? -Engaged? As in you're getting married? Affirmative. -Affirmative. So...you two are in love? -So...you two are in love? In love? I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. -Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? -Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? ...Not enough food? -...Not enough food? Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. -"Well I, I don't think ""living it up"" is the right term -- how about ""working themselves to death""?" I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... -I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. -May I cut in? Oh, of course -- -What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- -Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- ARREST HIM! -ARREST HIM! Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- -General, the severe food shortage that faces the colony...pains me. The thought of any of my children going hungry... Who's the cutest widdle worker? You are! Yes, you! Don't forget to brush your teeth! Ship 'er out. What steps are you taking to remedy the situation? We are launching a major offensive to expand our foraging territory... -We are launching a major offensive to expand our foraging territory... Yes, what else? -Yes, what else? Please don't worry, your majesty. Leave the worrying to me. As you know, I'm not an ant of half- measures. I don't pussyfoot around. This crisis is my number one priority, and I promise you it's being dealt with swiftly, and decisively. -No snacking between meals! Off you go! Now -- what were we saying? I do not recollect, your majesty. Will that be all? -I do not recollect, your majesty. Will that be all? Yes, General Formica. Carry on, my good man! I don't know what we would do without you. -Conversation...yes...well... Wasn't she briefed? Look, General! A darling baby soldier! Don't try to be a hero! Just make sure you come back in one piece! Next! -Look, General! A darling baby soldier! Don't try to be a hero! Just make sure you come back in one piece! Next! I'll take your suggestion under advisement, Princess. In the meanwhile -- -All these parties are so marvellously alike. They should be... But there's something funny about that soldier. -Your majesty, I'm afraid matters of state keep me from attending the ceremony. But General -- this tunnel is your baby! You're sure you can't stay ? -But General -- this tunnel is your baby! You're sure you can't stay ? 'Fraid not, your majesty. Goodbye, your majesty. -'Fraid not, your majesty. Goodbye, your majesty. Very well, General -- I know you -- all work and no play! -Very well, General -- I know you -- all work and no play! Alright, let's move out! -I feel...isolated. Different. I've got abandonment issues. My father flew away when I was just a larva. My mother didn't have much time for me...when you have five million siblings, it's difficult to get attention. I feel physically inadequate -- I've never been able to lift more than ten times my own weight. Sometimes I think I'm just not cut out to be a worker. But I don't have any other options. I was assigned to trade school when I was just a grub. The whole system just...makes me feel...insignificant. Terrific! You should feel insignificant! -...I should? "YES!!! You know, people ask me, ""Doctor, why are you always happy?"" And I tell them it's mind over matter. I don't mind that I don't matter! Do you get it? Do you get it?" -Ask me why we're so successful. Why are we so successful? -Why are we so successful? I'm glad you asked me that question! -What do you see out there? ...Ants... -...Ants... Right! Ants! Millions of creatures, each with his assigned task, all pulling together! -"You see? Being an ant is being able to say, ""Hey -- I'm meaningless, you're meaningless.""" But -- but I've always felt life was about finding meaning...and then sharing it with someone special, someone you love. -We declared war again? Are you scared? I'll be back. -Did you see that? How he gave you the beers, not me? I'm telling you, he's got something against workers. I don't know what you're talking about, Z. -I don't know what you're talking about, Z. Come on -- everybody dumps on us workers. You soldiers get all the glory. Plus you get to go out into the world, meet interesting insects, and kill them. -Come on -- everybody dumps on us workers. You soldiers get all the glory. Plus you get to go out into the world, meet interesting insects, and kill them. Yeah, but you get to spend all day with those fabulous worker babes. -Weaver, they're career girls. They're obsessed with digging. No, I'll probably never meet the girl for me. Who said there was a girl for you? I was talking about a girl for me. Don't you want your aphid beer? -Who said there was a girl for you? I was talking about a girl for me. Don't you want your aphid beer? I can't help it. I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature. Call me crazy. -I can't help it. I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature. Call me crazy. Z, we've known each other a long time, right? -Z, we've known each other a long time, right? Of course. You were born two seconds after me. -Of course. You were born two seconds after me. And all the time I've known you, you've been grumping and groaning. You should quit making waves. Go with the flow. -And all the time I've known you, you've been grumping and groaning. You should quit making waves. Go with the flow. Weaver, I'm an insect, not a liquid. -Hey, did you hear what he said?! Poor guy's had one too many scouting missions. -Time to cut a rug, Z! I'm not in the mood. Even when they're off work, they follow orders. -I'm not in the mood. Even when they're off work, they follow orders. Well, you just sit here and be a party-pooper. -Get real, Z! She just dropped the scarf by accident! Are you kidding? There were sparks between us! This scarf is a sign! -Are you kidding? There were sparks between us! This scarf is a sign! It's a sign that you're crazy! Do you know what the penalty for impersonating a soldier is? -It's a sign that you're crazy! Do you know what the penalty for impersonating a soldier is? What's gonna go wrong?! I take your place for the royal inspection. Bala comes strolling down the line, she sees me -- bingo! Love is rekindled, and she takes me up to the palace for a little... tea and crumpets... and you take your place again, and go march around to your heart's content! -You have to help me. Please, Weaver. Think of all the things I've done for you! I can't think of any. -I can't think of any. Well I'm gonna start doing things for you... -Well I'm gonna start doing things for you... Will you introduce me to some worker girls? -Will you introduce me to some worker girls? You bet! They'll really go for a sensitive guy like you! -You bet! They'll really go for a sensitive guy like you! Maybe I'll get lucky. You know, Z, I wouldn't do this for anyone but you... -Wear this. You're a real buddy. -You're a real buddy. Yeah, I know. -Yeah, I know. What do I do? -What do I do? Don't tell anyone you're a worker. Follow that column over there. And come right back after the inspection! -Yeah, but I hate drowning more! Now dig! You heard the ant -- DIG!!! -I'm getting lonely. Who are you talking to, anyway? My mother. -My mother. That's sweet. That's real sweet. -This the place? Yeah. How much? -You sure this is a good idea? DOBISCH Can't think of a better one. I mean - barging in on your mother -- in the middle of the night? -I mean - barging in on your mother -- in the middle of the night? Don't worry about the old lady. One squawk from her, and she's out of a job. -Not there. Under the mat. Under the mat? -So this is your mother's apartment? That's right. Maria Ouspenskaya. BLONDE Hiya, Ouspenskaya. -Oh. Hello there, Mrs. Dreyfuss. Something the matter? -Something the matter? I seem to have dropped my key. Oh -- here it is. -Such a racket I heard in your place -- maybe you had burglars. Oh, you don't have to worry about that -- nothing in there that anybody would want to steal... Good night, Mrs. Dreyfuss. -Mrs. Dreyfuss, can I borrow some coffee -- and maybe an orange and a couple of eggs? Eggs he asks me for. Oranges. What you need is a good horse-whipping. -Eggs he asks me for. Oranges. What you need is a good horse-whipping. Ma'am? -Ma'am? From me the doctor has no secrets. Poor girl -- how could you do a thing like that? -From me the doctor has no secrets. Poor girl -- how could you do a thing like that? I didn't really do anything -- honest -- I mean, you take a girl out a couple of times a week -- just for laughs -- and right away she thinks you're serious -- marriage-wise. -I didn't really do anything -- honest -- I mean, you take a girl out a couple of times a week -- just for laughs -- and right away she thinks you're serious -- marriage-wise. Big shot! For you, I wouldn't lift a finger -- but for her, I'll fix a little something to eat. -You wouldn't have such a thing as a napkin, would you? Well, I have some paper towels -- -Well, I have some paper towels -- Beatnik! Go to my kitchen -- third drawer, under the good silver, there is napkins. -Beatnik! Go to my kitchen -- third drawer, under the good silver, there is napkins. Yes, Mrs. Dreyfuss. He starts out with a worried backward glance toward the two. Fran is just sitting there, the spoon in her hand, not touching the soup. -Yes, Mrs. Dreyfuss. He starts out with a worried backward glance toward the two. Fran is just sitting there, the spoon in her hand, not touching the soup. So what are you waiting for -- a singing commercial? -You must eat -- and you must get healthy -- and you must forget him. Such a fine boy he seemed when he first moved in here -- clean and cut -- a regular Ivy Leaguer. Turns out he is King Farouk. Mit the drinking -- mit the cha cha -- mit the no napkins. A girl like you, for the rest of your life you want to cry in your noodle soup? Who needs it! You listen to me, you find yourself a nice, substantial man -- a widower maybe -- and settle down -- instead of nashing all those sleeping pills -- for what, for whom? -- for some Good Time Charlie? Sssh! One napkin, coming up. I wish we had some champagne to wrap it around. -One napkin, coming up. I wish we had some champagne to wrap it around. What did I tell you? -What did I tell you? Look, Mrs. Dreyfuss, you don't have to wait around. I'll wash the dishes and -- -Look, Mrs. Dreyfuss, you don't have to wait around. I'll wash the dishes and -- You wash 'em, you break 'em. I'll come back for them later. If he makes trouble, give me a yell. -All right -- I'll tell him. Hey, Baxter -- that was Personnel. Mr. Sheldrake's secretary. Sheldrake? -Sheldrake? She's been trying to reach you for the last twenty minutes. They want you up stairs. -She's been trying to reach you for the last twenty minutes. They want you up stairs. Oh! -What gives, Baxter? You getting promoted or getting fired? Care to make a small wager? -Care to make a small wager? I've been here twice as long as you have -- -I've been here twice as long as you have -- Shall we say -- a dollar? -Shall we say -- a dollar? It's a bet. -Morning, Mr. Baxter. Morning, Miss Kubelik. -What did you do to your hair? It was making me nervous, so I chopped it off. Big mistake, huh? -It was making me nervous, so I chopped it off. Big mistake, huh? I sort of like it. -Say, you got a lulu. Yeah. I better not get too close. -Yeah. I better not get too close. Oh, I never catch colds. -Oh, I never catch colds. Really? I was looking at some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division -- do you know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year? -Really? I was looking at some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division -- do you know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year? That makes me feel just terrible. -That makes me feel just terrible. Why? -Why? Well, to make the figures come out even -- since I have no colds a year -- some poor slob must have five colds a year. -Well, to make the figures come out even -- since I have no colds a year -- some poor slob must have five colds a year. That's me. -You should have stayed in bed this morning. I should have stayed in bed last night. -Twenty-seven. You may not realize it, Miss Kubelik, but I'm in the top ten -- efficiency-wise and this may be the day -- promotion-wise. -You may not realize it, Miss Kubelik, but I'm in the top ten -- efficiency-wise and this may be the day -- promotion-wise. You're beginning to sound like Mr. Kirkeby already. -You're beginning to sound like Mr. Kirkeby already. Why not? Now that they're kicking me upstairs -- -Why not? Now that they're kicking me upstairs -- Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. You know, you're the only one around here who ever takes his hat off in the elevator. -Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. You know, you're the only one around here who ever takes his hat off in the elevator. Really? -Really? The characters you meet. Something happens to men in elevators. Must be the change of altitude -- the blood rushes to their head, or something -- boy, I could tell you stories -- -The characters you meet. Something happens to men in elevators. Must be the change of altitude -- the blood rushes to their head, or something -- boy, I could tell you stories -- I'd love to hear them. Maybe we could have lunch in the cafeteria sometime -- or some evening, after work -- -I hope everything goes all right. I hope so. Wouldn't you know they'd call me on a day like this -- with my cold and everything -- How do I look? -I hope so. Wouldn't you know they'd call me on a day like this -- with my cold and everything -- How do I look? Fine. Wait. -Good night. Good night. -Oh -- Miss Kubelik. I've been waiting for you. FRAN You have? I almost didn't recognize you -- this is the first time I've ever seen you in civilian clothes. -I almost didn't recognize you -- this is the first time I've ever seen you in civilian clothes. How'd you make out on the twenty- seventh floor? -How'd you make out on the twenty- seventh floor? Great. Look -- have you seen The Music Man? -Great. Look -- have you seen The Music Man? No. -No. Would you like to? -Would you like to? Sure. -Sure. I thought maybe we could have a bite to eat first -- and then -- -I thought maybe we could have a bite to eat first -- and then -- You mean tonight? -You mean tonight? Yeah. -Yeah. I'm sorry, but I can't tonight. I'm meeting somebody. -I'm sorry, but I can't tonight. I'm meeting somebody. Oh. You mean -- like a girl-friend? -Oh. You mean -- like a girl-friend? No. Like a man. -I wasn't trying to be personal -- it's just that the fellows in the office were -- whether you wondering about you ever -- Just tell 'em -- now and then. -Just tell 'em -- now and then. This date -- is it just a date -- or is it something serious? -This date -- is it just a date -- or is it something serious? It used to be serious -- at least I was -- but he wasn't -- so the whole thing is more or less kaputt. -It used to be serious -- at least I was -- but he wasn't -- so the whole thing is more or less kaputt. Well, in that case, couldn't you -- ? -Well, in that case, couldn't you -- ? I'm afraid not. I promised to have a drink with him -- he's been calling me all week -- -I'm afraid not. I promised to have a drink with him -- he's been calling me all week -- Oh, I understand. -Well, it was just an idea -- I hate to see a ticket go to waste -- What time does the show go on? -What time does the show go on? Eight-thirty. -Eight-thirty. Well -- I could meet you at the theatre -- if that's all right. -Well -- I could meet you at the theatre -- if that's all right. All right? That's wonderful! It's the Majestic -- 44th Street. -All right? That's wonderful! It's the Majestic -- 44th Street. Meet you in the lobby. Okay? -You know, I felt so lousy this morning -- a hundred and one fever -- then my promotion came up -- now you and I -- eleventh row center -- and you said I should have stayed in bed. How is your cold? -How is your cold? What cold? And after the show, we could go out on the town -- I've been taking from Arthur Murray. -What cold? And after the show, we could go out on the town -- I've been taking from Arthur Murray. So I see. -So I see. They got a great little band at El Chico, in the Village -- it's practically around the corner from where you live. -They got a great little band at El Chico, in the Village -- it's practically around the corner from where you live. Sounds good. How do you know where I live? -Sounds good. How do you know where I live? Oh, I even know who you live with -- your sister and brother-in- law -- I know when you were born -- and where -- I know all sorts of things about you. -Oh, I even know who you live with -- your sister and brother-in- law -- I know when you were born -- and where -- I know all sorts of things about you. How come? -How come? A couple of months ago I looked up your card in the group insurance file. -A couple of months ago I looked up your card in the group insurance file. Oh. -Oh. I know your height, your weight and your Social Security number -- you had mumps, you had measles, and you had your appendix out. -Well, don't tell the fellows in the office about the appendix. They may get the wrong idea how you found out. 'Bye. Eight-thirty! -Marry Christmas. Thank you. I thought you were avoiding me. -Thank you. I thought you were avoiding me. What gave you that idea? -What gave you that idea? In the last six weeks you've only been in my elevator once -- and then you didn't take your hat off. -In the last six weeks you've only been in my elevator once -- and then you didn't take your hat off. Well, as a matter of fact, I was rather hurt when you stood me up that night -- -Well, as a matter of fact, I was rather hurt when you stood me up that night -- I don't blame you. It was unforgivable. -I don't blame you. It was unforgivable. I forgive you. -I forgive you. You shouldn't. -You shouldn't. You couldn't help yourself. I mean, when you're having a drink with one man, you can't just suddenly walk out on him because you have another date with another man. You did the only decent thing. -You couldn't help yourself. I mean, when you're having a drink with one man, you can't just suddenly walk out on him because you have another date with another man. You did the only decent thing. Don't be too sure. Just because I wear a uniform -- that doesn't make me a Girl Scout. -Don't be too sure. Just because I wear a uniform -- that doesn't make me a Girl Scout. Miss Kubelik, one doesn't get to be a second administrative assistant around here unless he's a pretty good judge of character -- and as far as I'm concerned, you're tops. I mean, decency-wise -- and otherwise-wise. Cheers. -Miss Kubelik, one doesn't get to be a second administrative assistant around here unless he's a pretty good judge of character -- and as far as I'm concerned, you're tops. I mean, decency-wise -- and otherwise-wise. Cheers. Cheers. -One more? I shouldn't drink when I'm driving. -I shouldn't drink when I'm driving. You're so right. -By the power vested in me, I herewith declare this elevator out of order. Shall we join the natives? Why not? They seem friendly enough. -Why not? They seem friendly enough. Don't you believe it. Later on there will be human sacrifices -- white collar workers tossed into the computing machines, and punched full of those little square holes. -Don't you believe it. Later on there will be human sacrifices -- white collar workers tossed into the computing machines, and punched full of those little square holes. How many of those drinks did you have? -How many of those drinks did you have? Three. -Three. I thought so. -You all right? What's the matter? Nothing. There are just too many people here. -Nothing. There are just too many people here. Why don't we step into any office? There's something I want your advice about, anyway. I have my own office now, naturally. And you may be interested to know I'm the second youngest executive in the company -- the only one younger is a grandson of the chairman of the board. -Guess I made a boo-boo, huh? No -- I like it. -No -- I like it. Really? You mean you wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with somebody in a hat like this? -Really? You mean you wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with somebody in a hat like this? Of course not. -Of course not. Maybe if I wore it a little more to the side -- is that better? -Maybe if I wore it a little more to the side -- is that better? Much better. -Much better. Well, as long as you wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with me -- how about the three of us going out this evening -- you and me and the bowler -- stroll down Fifth Avenue -- sort of break it in -- -Well, as long as you wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with me -- how about the three of us going out this evening -- you and me and the bowler -- stroll down Fifth Avenue -- sort of break it in -- This is a bad day for me. -This is a bad day for me. I understand. Christmas -- family and all that -- -I understand. Christmas -- family and all that -- I'd better get back to my elevator. I don't want to be fired. -I'd better get back to my elevator. I don't want to be fired. Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I have quite a bit of influence in Personnel. You know Mr. Sheldrake? -Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I have quite a bit of influence in Personnel. You know Mr. Sheldrake? Why? -Why? He and I are like this. Sent me a Christmas card. See? -I thought maybe I could put in a word for you with Mr. Sheldrake -- get you a little promotion -- how would you like to be an elevator starter? I'm afraid there are too many other girls around here with seniority over me. -I'm afraid there are too many other girls around here with seniority over me. No problem. Why don't we discuss it sometime over the holidays -- I could call you and pick you up and we'll have the big unveiling -- -- you sure this is the right way to wear it? -No problem. Why don't we discuss it sometime over the holidays -- I could call you and pick you up and we'll have the big unveiling -- -- you sure this is the right way to wear it? I think so. -I think so. You don't think it's tilted a little too much -- -Here. After all, this is a conservative firm -- I don't want people to think I'm an entertainer -- -What is it? The mirror -- it's broken. -The mirror -- it's broken. I know. I like it this way -- makes me look the way I feel. -Your phone. Oh. Yes? Just a minute. If you don't mind -- this is sort of personal -Oh. Yes? Just a minute. If you don't mind -- this is sort of personal All right. Have a nice Christmas. -Don't you remember? We were at the office party together -- Oh, yes -- office party -- Miss Olsen -- -Oh, yes -- office party -- Miss Olsen -- That's right. I told you we had a fight -- that's what it was about -- Miss Olsen -- you know that other girl you saw -- -That's right. I told you we had a fight -- that's what it was about -- Miss Olsen -- you know that other girl you saw -- I don't understand -- -I don't understand -- It's not important, Fran -- the main thing is that I got here in time -- and you're going to be all right -- -- isn't she, Doc? -It's not important, Fran -- the main thing is that I got here in time -- and you're going to be all right -- -- isn't she, Doc? I'm so tired -- DR. DREYFUSS Here -- drink this. -I'm sorry, Mr. Baxter. Miss Kubelik -- -- you shouldn't be out of bed. -Miss Kubelik -- -- you shouldn't be out of bed. I didn't know -- I had no idea this was your apartment -- -I didn't know -- I had no idea this was your apartment -- Let me help you. -I'm so ashamed. Why didn't you just let me die? What kind of talk is that? So you got a little over- emotional -- but you're fine now. -What kind of talk is that? So you got a little over- emotional -- but you're fine now. My head -- it feels like a big wad of chewing gum. What time is it? -My head -- it feels like a big wad of chewing gum. What time is it? Two o'clock. -Two o'clock. Where's my dress? I have to go home. -You're in no condition to go anywhere -- except back to bed. You don't want me here -- -You don't want me here -- Sure I do. It's always nice to have company for Christmas. -Miss Kubelik, I'm stronger than you are -- I just want to go brush my teeth -- -I just want to go brush my teeth -- Oh -- of course. I think there's a new toothbrush somewhere. -Here. How about some breakfast? No -- I don't want anything. -No -- I don't want anything. I'll fix you some coffee. -Who are you calling, Miss Kubelik? My sister -- she'll want to know what happened to me. -My sister -- she'll want to know what happened to me. Wait a minute -- let's talk this over first. Just what are you going to tell her? -Wait a minute -- let's talk this over first. Just what are you going to tell her? Well, I haven't figured it out, exactly. -Well, I haven't figured it out, exactly. You better figure it out -- exactly. Suppose she asks you why you didn't come home last night? -You better figure it out -- exactly. Suppose she asks you why you didn't come home last night? I'll tell her I spent the night with a friend. -I'll tell her I spent the night with a friend. Who? -Who? Someone from the office. -Someone from the office. And where are you now? -And where are you now? In his apartment. -In his apartment. His apartment? -His apartment? I mean -- her apartment. -I mean -- her apartment. What's your friend's name? -What's your friend's name? Baxter. -Baxter. What's her first name? -What's her first name? Miss. -When are you coming home? As soon as I can walk. -As soon as I can walk. Something wrong with your legs? -Something wrong with your legs? No -- it's my stomach. -No -- it's my stomach. Your stomach? -Your stomach? They had to pump it out. -They had to pump it out. Miss Kubelik, I don't think you ought to call anybody -- not till that chewing gum is out of your head. -But they'll be worried about me -- my brother-in-law may be calling the police -- That's why we have to be careful -- we don't want to involve anybody -- after all, Mr. Sheldrake is a married man -- -That's why we have to be careful -- we don't want to involve anybody -- after all, Mr. Sheldrake is a married man -- Thanks for reminding me. -I didn't mean it that way -- I was just talking to him on the phone -- he's very concerned about you. He doesn't give a damn about me. -He doesn't give a damn about me. Oh, you're wrong. He told me -- -Oh, you're wrong. He told me -- He's a liar. But that's not the worst part of it -- the worst part is -- I still love him. -She doesn't seem to like you very much. Oh, I don't mind. As a matter of fact, I'm sort of flattered -- that anybody should think a girl like you -- would do a thing like this -- over a guy like me. -Oh, I don't mind. As a matter of fact, I'm sort of flattered -- that anybody should think a girl like you -- would do a thing like this -- over a guy like me. Oh. Did you find something here -- an envelope -- ? -Oh. Did you find something here -- an envelope -- ? Yes, I've got it. Don't you think we'd better destroy it? So it won't fall into the wrong hands -- ? -Yes, I've got it. Don't you think we'd better destroy it? So it won't fall into the wrong hands -- ? Open it. -There's nothing here but a hundred dollar bill. That's right. Will you see that Mr. Sheldrake gets it? -That's right. Will you see that Mr. Sheldrake gets it? Sure. -You want me to move the television set in here? You play gin rummy? I'm not very good at it. -I'm not very good at it. I am. Let me get the cards. -I am. Let me get the cards. You don't have to entertain me. -I think I'm going to give it all up. Give what up? -Give what up? Why do people have to love people, anyway? -Why do people have to love people, anyway? Yeah -- I know what you mean. Queen. -Yeah -- I know what you mean. Queen. I don't want it. -I don't want it. Pick a card. -What do you call it when somebody keeps getting smashed up in automobile accidents? A bad insurance risk? -A bad insurance risk? That's me with men. I've been jinxed from the word go -- first time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery. -That's me with men. I've been jinxed from the word go -- first time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery. A cemetery? -A cemetery? I was fifteen -- we used to go there to smoke. His name was George -- he threw me over for a drum majorette. -I was fifteen -- we used to go there to smoke. His name was George -- he threw me over for a drum majorette. Gin. -I just have this talent for falling in love with the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time. BUD How many guys were there? Three. The last one was manager of a finance company, back home in Pittsburgh -- they found a little shortage in his accounts, but he asked me to wait for him -- he'll be out in 1965. -Three. The last one was manager of a finance company, back home in Pittsburgh -- they found a little shortage in his accounts, but he asked me to wait for him -- he'll be out in 1965. Cut. -Cut. So I came to New York and moved in with my sister and her husband -- he drives a cab. They sent me to secretarial school, and I applied for a job with Consolidated - but I flunked the typing test -- -So I came to New York and moved in with my sister and her husband -- he drives a cab. They sent me to secretarial school, and I applied for a job with Consolidated - but I flunked the typing test -- Too slow? -Too slow? Oh. I can type up a storm, but I can't spell. So they gave me a pair of white gloves and stuck me in an elevator -- that's how I met Jeff -- Oh, God, I'm so fouled up. What am I going to do now? -Oh. I can type up a storm, but I can't spell. So they gave me a pair of white gloves and stuck me in an elevator -- that's how I met Jeff -- Oh, God, I'm so fouled up. What am I going to do now? You better win a hand -- you're on a blitz. -You better win a hand -- you're on a blitz. Was he really upset when you told him? -Was he really upset when you told him? Mr. Sheldrake? Oh, yes. Very. -Mr. Sheldrake? Oh, yes. Very. Maybe he does love me -- only he doesn't have the nerve to tell his wife. -Maybe he does love me -- only he doesn't have the nerve to tell his wife. I'm sure that's the explanation. -I'm sure that's the explanation. You really think so? -You really think so? No doubt about it. -No doubt about it. Can I have that pad and the pencil? -Can I have that pad and the pencil? What for? -What for? I'm going to write a letter to Mrs. Sheldrake. -I'm going to write a letter to Mrs. Sheldrake. You are? -You are? As one woman to another -- I'm sure she'll understand -- -As one woman to another -- I'm sure she'll understand -- Miss Kubelik, I don't think that's such a good idea. -Why not? Well, for one thing, you can't spell. And secondly -- if you did something like that -- you'd hate yourself. -Well, for one thing, you can't spell. And secondly -- if you did something like that -- you'd hate yourself. I don't like myself very much anyway. -I don't like myself very much anyway. Pick up your cards and let's go. -Pick up your cards and let's go. Do I have to? -Do I have to? You bet. I got a terrific hand. -You sure you want to throw that card? Sure. -Sure. Gin. -Who was that? Just somebody delivering a bottle of champagne. Like some? -Just somebody delivering a bottle of champagne. Like some? Would you mind opening the window? -Now don't go getting any ideas, Miss Kubelik. I just want some fresh air. -I just want some fresh air. It's only one story down -- the best you can do is break a leg. -It's only one story down -- the best you can do is break a leg. So they'll shoot me -- like a horse. -So they'll shoot me -- like a horse. Please, Miss Kubelik, you got to promise me you won't do anything foolish. -Please, Miss Kubelik, you got to promise me you won't do anything foolish. Who'd care? -Who'd care? I would. -I would. Why can't I ever fall in love with somebody nice like you? -Why can't I ever fall in love with somebody nice like you? Yeah. Well -- that's the way it crumbles, cookie-wise. Go to sleep. -There's a call for you -- For me? -For me? -- Mr. Sheldrake. --- Mr. Sheldrake. I don't want to talk to him. -I don't want to talk to him. I think you should. I have to run down to the grocery anyway -- all that's left around here is one frozen pizza -- I'll be right back -- okay? -Are you all right? Sure. What's that funny smell? -Sure. What's that funny smell? Gas. Didn't you turn it on? -Gas. Didn't you turn it on? Yes. I was boiling some water to get the coffee stains out of my dress. -Yes. I was boiling some water to get the coffee stains out of my dress. You turned it on -- but you didn't light it. -You turned it on -- but you didn't light it. Are you supposed to? -Are you supposed to? In this house, you're supposed to. -In this house, you're supposed to. Oh. -What are you doing with that? I was washing my stockings, so I decided I might as well do your socks. -I was washing my stockings, so I decided I might as well do your socks. Thank you. -Thank you. It's very curious -- I could only find three and a half pair. -It's very curious -- I could only find three and a half pair. Well, things are a little disorganized around here. -Tennis racquet? Oh, I remember -- I was cooking myself an Italian dinner. I used it to strain the spaghetti. FRAN Why not? As a matter of fact, I'm a pretty good cook -- but I'm a lousy housekeeper. -As a matter of fact, I'm a pretty good cook -- but I'm a lousy housekeeper. Yes, you are, When I was straightening up the couch, you know what I found? Six hairpins, a lipstick, a pair of false eyelashes, and a swizzle stick from the Stork Club. -Yes, you are, When I was straightening up the couch, you know what I found? Six hairpins, a lipstick, a pair of false eyelashes, and a swizzle stick from the Stork Club. It's just that I'm the kind of guy who can't say no -- I don't mean to girls -- I mean -- -It's just that I'm the kind of guy who can't say no -- I don't mean to girls -- I mean -- You mean to someone like Mr. Sheldrake. -You mean to someone like Mr. Sheldrake. I guess so. -I guess so. I know so. He's a taker. -I know so. He's a taker. A what? -A what? Some people take, some people get took -- and they know they're getting took -- and there's nothing they can do about it. -Some people take, some people get took -- and they know they're getting took -- and there's nothing they can do about it. I wouldn't say that -- What would you like to have for diner? There's onion soup and canned asparagus -- -I wouldn't say that -- What would you like to have for diner? There's onion soup and canned asparagus -- I really ought to be getting home. My family will be flipping by now. -You can't leave yet. The doctor says it takes forty-eight hours to get the stuff out of your system. I wonder how long it takes to get someone you're stuck on out of your system? If they'd only invent some kind of a pump for that -- -I know how you feel, Miss Kubelik. You think it's the end of the world -- but it's not, really. I went through exactly the same thing myself. You did? -You did? Well, maybe not exactly -- I tried to do it with a gun. -Well, maybe not exactly -- I tried to do it with a gun. Over a girl? -Over a girl? Worse than that -- she was the wife of my best friend -- and I was mad for her. But I knew it was hopeless -- so I decided to end it all. I went to a pawnshop and bought a forty-five automatic and drove up to Eden Park -- do you know Cincinnati? -Worse than that -- she was the wife of my best friend -- and I was mad for her. But I knew it was hopeless -- so I decided to end it all. I went to a pawnshop and bought a forty-five automatic and drove up to Eden Park -- do you know Cincinnati? No, I don't. -No, I don't. Anyway, I parked the car and loaded the gun -- well, you read in the papers all the time that people shoot themselves, but believe me, it's not that easy -- I mean, how do you do it? -- here, or here, or here -- -- you know where I finally shot myself? -Anyway, I parked the car and loaded the gun -- well, you read in the papers all the time that people shoot themselves, but believe me, it's not that easy -- I mean, how do you do it? -- here, or here, or here -- -- you know where I finally shot myself? Where? -Where? Here. -Here. In the knee? -In the knee? Uh-huh. While I was sitting there, trying to make my mind up, a cop stuck his head in the car, because I was illegally parked -- so I started to hide the gun under the seat and it went off -- pow! -Uh-huh. While I was sitting there, trying to make my mind up, a cop stuck his head in the car, because I was illegally parked -- so I started to hide the gun under the seat and it went off -- pow! That's terrible. -That's terrible. Yeah. Took me a year before I could bend my knee -- but I got over the girl in three weeks. She still lives in Cincinnati, has four kids, gained twenty pounds -- she sends me a fruit cake every Christmas. -Yeah. Took me a year before I could bend my knee -- but I got over the girl in three weeks. She still lives in Cincinnati, has four kids, gained twenty pounds -- she sends me a fruit cake every Christmas. Are you just making that up to make me feel better? -Are you just making that up to make me feel better? Of course not. Here's the fruit cake. And you want to see my knee? -No, thanks. The fellows in the office may get the wrong idea how I found out. So let 'em. Look, I'm going to cook dinner for us. We'll have the fruit cake for dessert. You just sit there and rest. You've done enough for one day. -So let 'em. Look, I'm going to cook dinner for us. We'll have the fruit cake for dessert. You just sit there and rest. You've done enough for one day. Yes, nurse. -Are we dressing for dinner? No -- just come as you are. -No -- just come as you are. Say, you're pretty good with that racquet. -Say, you're pretty good with that racquet. You ought to see my backhand. And wait till I serve the meatballs. -Shall I light the candles? It's a must -- gracious-living-wise. -I see you bought some napkins. Might as well go all the way. -You know, I used to live like Robinson Crusoe -- shipwrecked among eight million people. Then one day I saw a footprint in the sand -- and there you were -- It's a wonderful thing -- dinner for two. You usually eat alone? -You usually eat alone? Oh, no. Sometimes I have dinner with Ed Sullivan, sometimes with Dinah Shore or Perry Como -- the other night I had dinner with Mae West -- of course, she was much younger then. Cheers. -Oh, no. Sometimes I have dinner with Ed Sullivan, sometimes with Dinah Shore or Perry Como -- the other night I had dinner with Mae West -- of course, she was much younger then. Cheers. Cheers. -You know what we're going to do after dinner? The dishes? -The dishes? I mean, after that? -I mean, after that? What? -What? You don't have to if you don't want to -- -You don't have to if you don't want to -- I don't? -I don't? We're going to finish that gin game. -We're going to finish that gin game. Oh. -Oh. So I want you to keep a clear head. -Oh, Miss Kubelik. How do you feel? Fine. How's your eye? -Fine. How's your eye? Fine. -How's everything at the apartment? Nothing's changed. You know, we never finished that gin game -- -Nothing's changed. You know, we never finished that gin game -- I know. I suppose you heard about Mr. Sheldrake --? -I know. I suppose you heard about Mr. Sheldrake --? You mean, leaving his wife? Yeah. I'm very happy for you. -You mean, leaving his wife? Yeah. I'm very happy for you. I never thought he'd do it. -I never thought he'd do it. I told you all along. You see, you were wrong about Mr. Sheldrake. -I told you all along. You see, you were wrong about Mr. Sheldrake. I guess so. -I guess so. For that matter, you were wrong about me, too. What you said about those who take and those who get took? Well, Mr. Sheldrake wasn't using me -- I was using him. See? Last month I was at desk 861 on the nineteenth floor -- now I'm on the twenty-seventh floor, paneled office, three windows -- so it all worked out fine -- we're both getting what we want. -For that matter, you were wrong about me, too. What you said about those who take and those who get took? Well, Mr. Sheldrake wasn't using me -- I was using him. See? Last month I was at desk 861 on the nineteenth floor -- now I'm on the twenty-seventh floor, paneled office, three windows -- so it all worked out fine -- we're both getting what we want. Yes. You walking to the subway? -Yes. You walking to the subway? No, thank you. I -- well, to tell you the truth -- -- I have this heavy date for tonight -- -Oh. Aren't you meeting Mr. Sheldrake? -Aren't you meeting Mr. Sheldrake? No. You know how people talk. So I decided it would be better if we didn't see each other till everything is settled, divorce-wise. -No. You know how people talk. So I decided it would be better if we didn't see each other till everything is settled, divorce-wise. That's very wise. -That's very wise. Good night, Mr. Baxter. -Good night, Mr. Baxter. Good night, Miss Kubelik. -Are you all right? I'm fine. -I'm fine. Are you sure? How's your knee? -Are you sure? How's your knee? I'm fine all over. -I'm fine all over. Mind if I come in? -Mind if I come in? Of course not. -Where are you going? BUD Who knows? Another neighborhood -- another town -- another job -- I'm on my own. That's funny -- so am I. What did you do with the cards? -That's funny -- so am I. What did you do with the cards? In there. -What about Mr. Sheldrake? I'm going to send him a fruit cake every Christmas. -I love you, Miss Kubelik. Seven -- -- queen. -Did you hear what I said, Miss Kubelik? I absolutely adore you. Shut up and deal! -Good evening, Mr. Baxter. Good evening, Mrs. Lieberman. -Good evening, Mrs. Lieberman. Some weather we're having. Must be from all the meshugass at Cape Canaveral. You locked out of your apartment? -Some weather we're having. Must be from all the meshugass at Cape Canaveral. You locked out of your apartment? No, no. Just waiting for a friend. Good night, Mrs. Lieberman. -No, no. Just waiting for a friend. Good night, Mrs. Lieberman. Good night, Mr. Baxter. -Oh -- Mrs. Lieberman. So who did you think it was -- Kris Kringle? What was going on here last night? -So who did you think it was -- Kris Kringle? What was going on here last night? Last night? -Last night? All that marching -- tramp, tramp, tramp -- you were having army maneuvers maybe? -All that marching -- tramp, tramp, tramp -- you were having army maneuvers maybe? I'm sorry, Mrs. Lieberman -- and I'll never invite those people again. -I'm sorry, Mrs. Lieberman -- and I'll never invite those people again. What you get from renting to bachelors. All night I didn't sleep ten minutes -- and I'm sure you woke up Dr. Dreyfuss. -What you get from renting to bachelors. All night I didn't sleep ten minutes -- and I'm sure you woke up Dr. Dreyfuss. Don't worry about Dr. Dreyfuss -- I happen to know he was out on a case. -Don't worry about Dr. Dreyfuss -- I happen to know he was out on a case. I'm warning you, Mr. Baxter -- this is a respectable house, not a honky-tonky. Come on, Oscar. -Oh, Mr. Baxter -- I'm glad you're here -- I was just going to get the passkey. What for? -What for? I thought I smelled gas coming from your apartment. -I thought I smelled gas coming from your apartment. Gas? -Baxter? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. I was sort of wondering what you looked like. Sit down. -I was sort of wondering what you looked like. Sit down. Yes, Mr. Sheldrake. -Been hearing some very nice things about you -- here's a report from Mr. Dobisch -- loyal, cooperative, resourceful -- Mr. Dobisch said that? -Mr. Dobisch said that? And Mr. Kirkeby tells me that several nights a week you work late at the office -- without overtime. -And Mr. Kirkeby tells me that several nights a week you work late at the office -- without overtime. Well, you know how it is -- things pile up. -Well, you know how it is -- things pile up. Mr. Vanderhof, in Public Relations, and Mr. Eichelberger, in Mortgage and Loan -- they'd both like to have you transferred to their departments. -Mr. Vanderhof, in Public Relations, and Mr. Eichelberger, in Mortgage and Loan -- they'd both like to have you transferred to their departments. That's very flattering. -Tell me, Baxter -- just what is it that makes you so popular? I don't know. -I don't know. Think. -Would you mind repeating the question? Look, Baxter, I'm not stupid. I know everything that goes on in this building -- in every department -- on every floor -- every day of the year. -Look, Baxter, I'm not stupid. I know everything that goes on in this building -- in every department -- on every floor -- every day of the year. You do? -You do? In 1957, we had an employee here, name of Fowler. He was very popular, too. Turned out he was running a bookie joint right in the Actuarial Department tying up the switchboard, figuring the odds on our I.B.M. machines -- so the day before the Kentucky Derby, I called in the Vice Squad and we raided the thirteenth floor. -In 1957, we had an employee here, name of Fowler. He was very popular, too. Turned out he was running a bookie joint right in the Actuarial Department tying up the switchboard, figuring the odds on our I.B.M. machines -- so the day before the Kentucky Derby, I called in the Vice Squad and we raided the thirteenth floor. The Vice Squad? -The Vice Squad? That's right, Baxter. -That's right, Baxter. What -- what's that got to do with me? I'm not running any bookie joint. -What -- what's that got to do with me? I'm not running any bookie joint. What kind of joint are you running? -What kind of joint are you running? Sir? -Sir? There's a certain key floating around the office -- from Kirkeby to Vanderhof to Eichelberger to Dobisch -- it's the key to a certain apartment -- and you know who that apartment belongs to? -There's a certain key floating around the office -- from Kirkeby to Vanderhof to Eichelberger to Dobisch -- it's the key to a certain apartment -- and you know who that apartment belongs to? Who? -Who? Loyal, cooperative, resourceful C. C. Baxter. -Loyal, cooperative, resourceful C. C. Baxter. Oh. -Oh. Are you going to deny it? -Are you going to deny it? No, sir. I'm not going to deny it. But if you'd just let me explain -- -No, sir. I'm not going to deny it. But if you'd just let me explain -- You better. -You better. Well, about six months ago -- I was going to night school, taking this course in Advanced Accounting -- and one of the guys in our department -- he lives in Jersey -- he was going to a banquet at the Biltmore -- his wife was meeting him in town, and he needed someplace to change into a tuxedo -- so I gave him the key and word must have gotten around -- because the next thing I knew, all sorts of guys were suddenly going to banquets -- and when you give the key to one guy, you can't say no to another and the whole thing got out of hand -- pardon me. -Baxter, an insurance company is founded on public trust. Any employee who conducts himself in a manner unbecoming -- How many charter members are there in this little club of yours? Just those four -- out of a total of 31,259 -- so actually, we can be very proud of our personnel -- percentage-wise. -Just those four -- out of a total of 31,259 -- so actually, we can be very proud of our personnel -- percentage-wise. That's not the point. Four rotten apples in a barrel -- no matter how large the barrel -- you realize that if this ever leaked out -- -That's not the point. Four rotten apples in a barrel -- no matter how large the barrel -- you realize that if this ever leaked out -- Oh, it won't. Believe me. And it's not going to happen again. From now on, nobody is going to use my apartment -- -Where is your apartment? West 67th Street. You have no idea what I've been going through -- with the neighbors and the landlady and the liquor and the key -- -West 67th Street. You have no idea what I've been going through -- with the neighbors and the landlady and the liquor and the key -- How do you work it with the key? -How do you work it with the key? Well, usually I slip it to them in the office and they leave it under the mat -- but never again -- I can promise you that -- -Where are you going, Baxter? Well, I don't want to intrude -- and I thought -- since it's all straightened out anyway -- -Well, I don't want to intrude -- and I thought -- since it's all straightened out anyway -- I'm not through with you yet. -I'm not through with you yet. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. The reason I called is -- I won't be home for dinner tonight. The branch manager from Kansas City is in town -- I'm taking him to the theatre Music Man, what else? No, don't wait up for me -- 'bye, darling. Tell me something, Baxter -- have you seen Music Man? -The reason I called is -- I won't be home for dinner tonight. The branch manager from Kansas City is in town -- I'm taking him to the theatre Music Man, what else? No, don't wait up for me -- 'bye, darling. Tell me something, Baxter -- have you seen Music Man? Not yet. But I hear it's one swell show. -Not yet. But I hear it's one swell show. How would you like to go tonight? -How would you like to go tonight? You mean -- you and me? I thought you were taking the branch manager from Kansas City -- -You mean -- you and me? I thought you were taking the branch manager from Kansas City -- I made other plans. You can have both tickets. -I made other plans. You can have both tickets. Well, that's very kind of you -- only I'm not feeling well -- you see, I have this cold -- and I thought I'd go straight home. -Well, that's very kind of you -- only I'm not feeling well -- you see, I have this cold -- and I thought I'd go straight home. Baxter, you're not reading me. I told you I have plans. -Baxter, you're not reading me. I told you I have plans. So do I -- I'm going to take four aspirins and get into bed -- so you better give the tickets to somebody else -- -So do I -- I'm going to take four aspirins and get into bed -- so you better give the tickets to somebody else -- I'm not just giving those tickets, Baxter -- I want to swap them. -I'm not just giving those tickets, Baxter -- I want to swap them. Swap them? For what? -It also says here -- that you are alert, astute, and quite imaginative -- Oh? Oh! -This? That's good thinking, Baxter. Next month there's going to be a shift in personnel around here -- and as far as I'm concerned, you're executive material. -That's good thinking, Baxter. Next month there's going to be a shift in personnel around here -- and as far as I'm concerned, you're executive material. I am? -I am? Now put down the key -- -- and put down the address. -Oh -- terribly sorry. It's that cold -- Relax, Baxter. -Relax, Baxter. Thank you, sir. -Now remember, Baxter -- this is going to be our little secret. Yes, of course. -Yes, of course. You know how people talk. -You know how people talk. Oh, you don't have to worry -- -Oh, you don't have to worry -- Not that I have anything to hide. -Not that I have anything to hide. Oh, no sir. Certainly not. Anyway, it's none of my business -- four apples, five apples -- what's the difference -- percentage-wise? -Oh, no sir. Certainly not. Anyway, it's none of my business -- four apples, five apples -- what's the difference -- percentage-wise? Here you are, Baxter. Have a nice time. -Here you are, Baxter. Have a nice time. You too, sir. -Morning, gentlemen. Everything satisfactory? You like your office? Oh, yes, sir. Very much. And I want to thank you -- -Oh, yes, sir. Very much. And I want to thank you -- Don't thank me -- thank your friends here -- they're the ones who recommended you. -I like the way you handled that. Well, how does it feel to be an executive? Fine. And I want you to know I'll work very hard to justify your confidence in me -- SHELDRAKE Sure you will. Say, Baxter, about the apartment - now that you got a raise, don't you think we can afford a second key? -Fine. And I want you to know I'll work very hard to justify your confidence in me -- SHELDRAKE Sure you will. Say, Baxter, about the apartment - now that you got a raise, don't you think we can afford a second key? Well -- I guess so. -Well -- I guess so. You know my secretary -- Miss Olsen -- -You know my secretary -- Miss Olsen -- Oh, yes. Very attractive. Is she -- the lucky one? -Oh, yes. Very attractive. Is she -- the lucky one? No, you don't understand. She's a busybody -- always poking her nose into things -- and with that key passing back and forth -- why take chances? -No, you don't understand. She's a busybody -- always poking her nose into things -- and with that key passing back and forth -- why take chances? Yes, sir. You can't be too careful. -To me? I mean -- the young lady -- whoever she may be -- it was on the couch when I got home last night. -I mean -- the young lady -- whoever she may be -- it was on the couch when I got home last night. Oh, yes. Thanks. -Oh, yes. Thanks. The mirror is broken. It was broken when I found it. -The mirror is broken. It was broken when I found it. So it was. She threw it at me. -So it was. She threw it at me. Sir? -Sir? You know how it is -- sooner or later they all give you a bad time. -You know how it is -- sooner or later they all give you a bad time. I know how it is. -I know how it is. You see a girl a couple of times a week -- just for laughs -- and right away she thinks you're going to divorce your wife. I ask you -- is that fair? -You see a girl a couple of times a week -- just for laughs -- and right away she thinks you're going to divorce your wife. I ask you -- is that fair? No, sir. That's very unfair -- especially to your wife. -No, sir. That's very unfair -- especially to your wife. Yeah. You know, Baxter, I envy you. Bachelor -- all the dames you want -- no headaches, no complications -- -Yeah. You know, Baxter, I envy you. Bachelor -- all the dames you want -- no headaches, no complications -- Yes, sir. That's the life, all right. -Yes, sir. That's the life, all right. Put me down for Thursday again. -Put me down for Thursday again. Roger. And I'll get that other key. -Hello? -- yes -- what's on your mind, Baxter? I hate to disturb you, but something came up -- it's rather important -- and I think it would be a good idea if you could see me -- at the apartment -- as soon as possible. -I hate to disturb you, but something came up -- it's rather important -- and I think it would be a good idea if you could see me -- at the apartment -- as soon as possible. You're not making sense, Baxter. What's this all about? -You're not making sense, Baxter. What's this all about? I didn't want to tell you over the phone but that certain party -- you know who I mean -- I found her here last night -- she had taken an overdose of sleeping pills. -I didn't want to tell you over the phone but that certain party -- you know who I mean -- I found her here last night -- she had taken an overdose of sleeping pills. What? -I thought maybe you'd like to be here when she wakes up. That's impossible. You'll have to handle this situation yourself -- as a matter of fact, I'm counting on you -- -That's impossible. You'll have to handle this situation yourself -- as a matter of fact, I'm counting on you -- Yes, sir -- I understand. She left a note -- you want me to open it and read it to you? Well, it was just a suggestion -- no, you don't have to worry about that, Mr. Sheldrake -- I kept your name out of it so there'll be no trouble, police-wise or newspaper- wise -- -Yes, she's in the shower -- she's coming along fine, considering. Good. Is there anything you need -- money -- ? -Good. Is there anything you need -- money -- ? No, thank you, Mr. Sheldrake. As a matter of fact, I've got some money for you -- a hundred dollars -- -No, thank you, Mr. Sheldrake. As a matter of fact, I've got some money for you -- a hundred dollars -- Oh. Well, if there's anything I can do for you -- -Oh. Well, if there's anything I can do for you -- For me? I don't think so. But I was hoping maybe you could do something for her -- -For me? I don't think so. But I was hoping maybe you could do something for her -- Like what? Put yourself in my place, Baxter -- how can I help her -- my hands are tied -- -Mr. Sheldrake, I've got good news for you -- And I've got good news for you, Baxter. All your troubles are over. -And I've got good news for you, Baxter. All your troubles are over. Sir? -Sir? I know how worried you were about Miss Kubelik -- well, stop worrying -- I'm going to take her off your hands. -I know how worried you were about Miss Kubelik -- well, stop worrying -- I'm going to take her off your hands. You're going to take her off my hands? -You're going to take her off my hands? That's right. I've moved out of my house -- I'm going to be staying in town, at the Athletic Club. -That's right. I've moved out of my house -- I'm going to be staying in town, at the Athletic Club. You left your wife? -You left your wife? Well, if you must know -- I fired my secretary, my secretary got to my wife, and my wife fired me. Ain't that a kick in the head? -Well, if you must know -- I fired my secretary, my secretary got to my wife, and my wife fired me. Ain't that a kick in the head? Yeah -- -Yeah -- Now what was your news, Baxter? -Now what was your news, Baxter? It's about Miss Kubelik -- she's all right again -- so she went back home. -It's about Miss Kubelik -- she's all right again -- so she went back home. Swell. And don't think I've forgotten what you did for me. This way, Baxter. -You like? It's all yours. Mine? -Mine? My assistant, Roy Thompson, has been shifted to the Denver office, and you're taking his place. What's the matter, Baxter? You don't seem very excited. -My assistant, Roy Thompson, has been shifted to the Denver office, and you're taking his place. What's the matter, Baxter? You don't seem very excited. Well, it's just that so many things have been happening so fast -- I'm very pleased -- especially for Miss Kubelik. Now that I've gotten to know her better, I think she's the kind of girl that definitely ought to be married to somebody -- -Well, it's just that so many things have been happening so fast -- I'm very pleased -- especially for Miss Kubelik. Now that I've gotten to know her better, I think she's the kind of girl that definitely ought to be married to somebody -- Oh, sure, sure. But first the property settlement has to be worked out -- then it takes six weeks in Reno -- meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy being a bachelor for a while. Oh, by the way, you can now have lunch in the executive dining room -- -Oh, sure, sure. But first the property settlement has to be worked out -- then it takes six weeks in Reno -- meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy being a bachelor for a while. Oh, by the way, you can now have lunch in the executive dining room -- Yes, sir. -That's just one of the privileges that goes with this job. You also get a nice little expense account, the use of the executive washroom -- Say, what happened to you, Baxter? I got kicked in the head, too. -I got kicked in the head, too. Oh? -Here's the breakdown of figures on personnel turnover. Thirty-seven percent of our female employees leave to get married, twenty-two percent quit because -- You're working too hard, Baxter. It's New Year's Eve -- relax. -You're working too hard, Baxter. It's New Year's Eve -- relax. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. I suppose you'll be on the town tonight -- celebrating? -I suppose you'll be on the town tonight -- celebrating? Naturally. -Naturally. Me, too. I'm taking Miss Kubelik out -- I finally talked her into it -- -Me, too. I'm taking Miss Kubelik out -- I finally talked her into it -- I see. -I see. The only thing is I'm staying at the Athletic Club -- and it's strictly stag so if you don't mind -- -The only thing is I'm staying at the Athletic Club -- and it's strictly stag so if you don't mind -- Don't mind what? -Don't mind what? You know that other key to your apartment -- well, when we had that little scare about Miss Kubelik, I thought I'd better get rid of it quick -- so I threw it out the window of the commuter train. -You know that other key to your apartment -- well, when we had that little scare about Miss Kubelik, I thought I'd better get rid of it quick -- so I threw it out the window of the commuter train. Very clever. -Very clever. Now I'll have to borrow your key. -Now I'll have to borrow your key. Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake. -Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake. What do you mean, sorry? -What do you mean, sorry? You're not going to bring anybody up to my apartment. -You're not going to bring anybody up to my apartment. I'm not just bringing anybody -- I'm bringing Miss Kubelik. -I'm not just bringing anybody -- I'm bringing Miss Kubelik. Especially not Miss Kubelik. -Especially not Miss Kubelik. How's that again? -How's that again? No key! -No key! Baxter, I picked you for my team because I thought you were a bright young man. You realize what you're doing? Not to me -- but to yourself. Normally it takes years to work your way up to the twenty-seventh floor -- but it takes only thirty seconds to be out on the street again. You dig? -Baxter, I picked you for my team because I thought you were a bright young man. You realize what you're doing? Not to me -- but to yourself. Normally it takes years to work your way up to the twenty-seventh floor -- but it takes only thirty seconds to be out on the street again. You dig? I dig. -I dig. So what's it going to be? -Now you're being bright? Thank you, sir. -Say, Baxter -- you gave me the wrong key. No I didn't. -No I didn't. But this is the key to the executive washroom. -But this is the key to the executive washroom. That's right, Mr. Sheldrake. I won't be needing it -- because I'm all washed up around here. -What's gotten into you, Baxter? Just following doctor's orders. I've decided to become a mensch. You know what that means? A human being. -Just following doctor's orders. I've decided to become a mensch. You know what that means? A human being. Now hold on, Baxter -- -Now hold on, Baxter -- Save it. The old payola won't work any more. Goodbye, Mr. Sheldrake. -Baxter? Yes? -How do you do, Mr. Matuschka? Okay, get your clothes on. I got the cab downstairs. -Okay, get your clothes on. I got the cab downstairs. Now, wait a minute. I know what you're thinking -- but it's not as bad as it looks -- MATUSCHKA It's none of my business what you do, Fran -- you're over twenty- one -- but your sister happens to think you're a lady. -Now, wait a minute. I know what you're thinking -- but it's not as bad as it looks -- MATUSCHKA It's none of my business what you do, Fran -- you're over twenty- one -- but your sister happens to think you're a lady. All we were going to do is eat and wash the dishes -- -All we were going to do is eat and wash the dishes -- Look, Buddy-boy -- if there wasn't a lady present, I'd clobber you. -What's the matter with Miss Kubelik? Oh, this is Mr. Matuschka -- he's Miss Kubelik's -- he's got a cab downstairs -- -Oh, this is Mr. Matuschka -- he's Miss Kubelik's -- he's got a cab downstairs -- Fran been sick or something? -No, no -- just had a little accident. What does he mean, accident? -On account of me. You? -You? Who else? -Mr. Kirkeby, I don't like to complain -- but you were supposed to be out of here by eight. I know, Buddy-boy, I know. But those things don't always run on schedule -- like a Greyhound bus. -I know, Buddy-boy, I know. But those things don't always run on schedule -- like a Greyhound bus. I don't mind in the summer -- but on a rainy night -- and I haven't had any dinner yet -- -I don't mind in the summer -- but on a rainy night -- and I haven't had any dinner yet -- Sure, sure. Look, kid -- I put in a good word for you with Sheldrake, in Personnel. -Sure, sure. Look, kid -- I put in a good word for you with Sheldrake, in Personnel. Mr. Sheldrake? -Mr. Sheldrake? That's right. We were discussing our department -- manpower-wise -- and promotion-wise -- -- and I told him what a bright boy you were. They're always on the lookout for young executives. BUD Thank you, Mr. Kirkeby. -That's right. We were discussing our department -- manpower-wise -- and promotion-wise -- -- and I told him what a bright boy you were. They're always on the lookout for young executives. BUD Thank you, Mr. Kirkeby. You're on your way up, Buddy-boy. And you're practically out of liquor. -You're on your way up, Buddy-boy. And you're practically out of liquor. I know. Mr. Eichelberger -- in the Mortgage Loan Department -- last night he had a little Halloween party here -- -I know. Mr. Eichelberger -- in the Mortgage Loan Department -- last night he had a little Halloween party here -- Well, lay in some vodka and some vermouth -- and put my name on it. -Well, lay in some vodka and some vermouth -- and put my name on it. Yes, Mr. Kirkeby. You still owe me for the last two bottles -- -Yes, Mr. Kirkeby. You still owe me for the last two bottles -- I'll pay you on Friday. And whatever happened to those little cheese crackers you used to have around? -Good morning, Mr. Kirkeby. Oh, how are you, Baxter. They keeping you busy these days? -Oh, how are you, Baxter. They keeping you busy these days? Yes, sir. They are indeed. -That Kubelik -- boy! Would I like to get her on a slow elevator to China. Oh, yes. She's the best operator in the building. -Oh, yes. She's the best operator in the building. I'm a pretty good operator myself -- but she just won't give me a tumble -- date-wise. -I'm a pretty good operator myself -- but she just won't give me a tumble -- date-wise. Maybe you're using the wrong approach. -Maybe you're using the wrong approach. A lot of guys around here have tried it -- all kinds of approaches -- no dice. What is she trying to prove? -A lot of guys around here have tried it -- all kinds of approaches -- no dice. What is she trying to prove? Could be she's just a nice, respectable girl -- there are millions of them. -Could be she's just a nice, respectable girl -- there are millions of them. Listen to him. Little Lord Fauntleroy! -Hello? Yeah, Baxter. What's up? Instead of Friday -- could you possibly switch to Thursday? You'd be doing me a great favor -- -Instead of Friday -- could you possibly switch to Thursday? You'd be doing me a great favor -- Well -- it's all right with me, Bud. Let me check. I'll get back to you. -Baxter, we're a little disappointed in you -- gratitude-wise. Oh, I'm very grateful. -So long, Baxter. We know you won't let us down. So long, fellas. Drop in any time. The door is always open -- to my office. -Hi, Baxter. What do you want? -What do you want? What do I -- ? Just a minute. -You can't come in. What's the matter with you, Buddy- boy? I made a reservation for four o'clock, remember? -Look, you can't stay here. Just take your champagne and go. Baxter, I don't want to pull rank on you -- but I told the lady it was all set -- you want to make a liar out of me? -Baxter, I don't want to pull rank on you -- but I told the lady it was all set -- you want to make a liar out of me? Are you going to leave, Mr. Kirkeby, or do I have to throw you out? -Buddy-boy, why didn't you say so? You got yourself a little playmate, huh? Now will you get out? -Say, why don't we have ourselves a party -- the four of us? No! -Hiya, Buddy-boy. I'm in this bar on Sixty-first Street -- and I got to thinking about you -- and I figured I'd give you a little buzz. Well, that's very nice of you -- but who is this? -Well, that's very nice of you -- but who is this? Dobisch -- Joe Dobisch, in Administration. -Dobisch -- Joe Dobisch, in Administration. Oh, yes, Mr. Dobisch. I didn't recognize your voice -- -Oh, yes, Mr. Dobisch. I didn't recognize your voice -- That's okay, Buddy-boy. Now like I was saying, I'm in this joint on Sixty-first -- and I think I got lucky -- -- she's a skater with the Ice Show -- -- and I thought maybe I could bring her up for a quiet drink. -That's okay, Buddy-boy. Now like I was saying, I'm in this joint on Sixty-first -- and I think I got lucky -- -- she's a skater with the Ice Show -- -- and I thought maybe I could bring her up for a quiet drink. I'm sorry, Mr. Dobisch. You know I like to help you guys out -- but it's sort of late -- so why don't we make it some other time? -I'm sorry, Mr. Dobisch. You know I like to help you guys out -- but it's sort of late -- so why don't we make it some other time? Buddy-boy -- she won't keep that long -- not even on ice. Listen, kid, I can't pass this up -- she looks like Marilyn Monroe. -Buddy-boy -- she won't keep that long -- not even on ice. Listen, kid, I can't pass this up -- she looks like Marilyn Monroe. I don't care if it is Marilyn Monroe -- I'm already in bed -- and I've taken a sleeping pill -- so I'm afraid the answer is no. -I don't care if it is Marilyn Monroe -- I'm already in bed -- and I've taken a sleeping pill -- so I'm afraid the answer is no. Look, Baxter -- we're making out the monthly efficiency rating -- and I'm putting you in the top ten. Now you don't want to louse yourself up, do you? -Look, Baxter -- we're making out the monthly efficiency rating -- and I'm putting you in the top ten. Now you don't want to louse yourself up, do you? Of course not. But -- how can I be efficient in the office if I don't get enough sleep at night? -Of course not. But -- how can I be efficient in the office if I don't get enough sleep at night? It's only eleven -- and I just want the place for forty-five minutes. -Make it thirty minutes. What do you say, Bud? I'm all out of liquor -- and there's no clean glasses -- no cheese crackers -- no nothing. -I'm all out of liquor -- and there's no clean glasses -- no cheese crackers -- no nothing. Let me worry about that. Just leave the key under the mat and clear out. -Let me worry about that. Just leave the key under the mat and clear out. Yes, Mr. Dobisch. -Oh, Buddy-boy. I was just about to call you. I'm sorry about that mess on the living room wall. You see, my little friend, she kept insisting Picasso was a bum -- so she started to do that mural -- but I'm sure it will wash off -- just eyebrow pencil. It's not Picasso I'm calling about. It's the key -- to my apartment -- you were supposed to leave it under the mat. -It's not Picasso I'm calling about. It's the key -- to my apartment -- you were supposed to leave it under the mat. I did, didn't I? I distinctly remember bending over and putting it there -- -I did, didn't I? I distinctly remember bending over and putting it there -- Oh, I found a key there, all right -- only it's the wrong key. -Oh, I found a key there, all right -- only it's the wrong key. It is? Well, how about that? No wonder I couldn't get into the executive washroom this morning. -It is? Well, how about that? No wonder I couldn't get into the executive washroom this morning. And I couldn't get into my apartment -- so at four a. m. I had to wake up the landlady and give her a whole song and dance about going out to mail a letter and the door slamming shut. -And I couldn't get into my apartment -- so at four a. m. I had to wake up the landlady and give her a whole song and dance about going out to mail a letter and the door slamming shut. That's a shame. I'll send the key right down. And about your promotion -- -- I'm sending that efficiency report right up to Mr. Sheldrake, in Personnel. I wouldn't be surprised if you heard from him before the day is over. -That's a shame. I'll send the key right down. And about your promotion -- -- I'm sending that efficiency report right up to Mr. Sheldrake, in Personnel. I wouldn't be surprised if you heard from him before the day is over. Thank you, Mr. Dobisch. -Teamwork -- that's what counts in an organization like this. All for one and one for all -- know what I mean? I have a vague idea. -We went to bat for you -- and now you won't play ball with us. Well, after all, it's my apartment -- it's private property -- it's not a public playground. -I sympathize with your problem -- and believe me, I'm very sorry -- You'll be a lot sorrier before we're through with you. -You'll be a lot sorrier before we're through with you. You threatening me? -You threatening me? Listen, Baxter, we made you and we can break you. -Dear Mr. MacIntosh -- Vanderhof, Public Relations. Oh, yes, Baxter. Just a minute. All right, Miss Finch -- type up what we got so far. Now what is it, Baxter? Look, Mr. Vanderhof -- I've got you down here for tonight -- but I'm going to be using the place myself -- so I'll have to cancel. -Look, Mr. Vanderhof -- I've got you down here for tonight -- but I'm going to be using the place myself -- so I'll have to cancel. Cancel? But it's her birthday -- I already ordered the cake -- -Cancel? But it's her birthday -- I already ordered the cake -- I hate to disappoint you -- I mean, many happy returns -- but not tonight -- -I hate to disappoint you -- I mean, many happy returns -- but not tonight -- That's not like you, Baxter. Just the other day, at the staff meeting, I was telling Mr. Sheldrake what a reliable man you were. -That's not like you, Baxter. Just the other day, at the staff meeting, I was telling Mr. Sheldrake what a reliable man you were. Thank you, Mr. Vanderhof. But I'm sick -- I have this terrible cold -- and a fever -- and I got to go to bed right after work. -Thank you, Mr. Vanderhof. But I'm sick -- I have this terrible cold -- and a fever -- and I got to go to bed right after work. Buddy-boy, that's the worst thing you can do. If you got a cold, you should go to a Turkish bath -- spend the night there -- sweat it out -- -Buddy-boy, that's the worst thing you can do. If you got a cold, you should go to a Turkish bath -- spend the night there -- sweat it out -- Oh, no. I'd get pneumonia -- and if I got pneumonia, I'd be in bed for a month -- and if I were in bed for a month -- -Oh, no. I'd get pneumonia -- and if I got pneumonia, I'd be in bed for a month -- and if I were in bed for a month -- Okay, you made your point. We'll just have to do it next Wednesday -- that's the only night of the week I can get away. -Okay, you made your point. We'll just have to do it next Wednesday -- that's the only night of the week I can get away. Wednesday -- Wednesday -- I got somebody penciled in -- let me see what I can do -- I'll get back to you. -Quite an office -- name on the door -- rug on the floor -- the whole schmear. Yeah. -Good evening, Baxter. Hi, Doc. Had a late call? -Hi, Doc. Had a late call? Yeah. Some clown at Schrafft's 57th Street ate a club sandwich, and forgot to take out the toothpick. -Yeah. Some clown at Schrafft's 57th Street ate a club sandwich, and forgot to take out the toothpick. Oh. 'Bye, Doc. -Oh. 'Bye, Doc. Say, Baxter -- the way you're belting that stuff, you must have a pair of cast-iron kidneys. -Say, Baxter -- the way you're belting that stuff, you must have a pair of cast-iron kidneys. Oh, that's not me. It's just that once in a while, I have some people in for a drink. -Oh, that's not me. It's just that once in a while, I have some people in for a drink. As a matter of fact, you must be an iron man all around. From what I hear through the walls, you got something going for you every night. -As a matter of fact, you must be an iron man all around. From what I hear through the walls, you got something going for you every night. I'm sorry if it gets noisy -- -I'm sorry if it gets noisy -- Sometimes, there's a twi-night double-header. A nebbish like you! -Sometimes, there's a twi-night double-header. A nebbish like you! Yeah. Well -- see you, Doc. -You know, Baxter -- I'm doing some research at the Columbia Medical Center -- and I wonder if you could do us a favor? Me? -Me? When you make out your will -- and the way you're going, you should -- would you mind leaving your body to the University? -When you make out your will -- and the way you're going, you should -- would you mind leaving your body to the University? My body? I'm afraid you guys would be disappointed. Good night, Doc. -My body? I'm afraid you guys would be disappointed. Good night, Doc. Slow down, kid. -There's a girl in my place -- she took some sleeping pills -- you better come quick -- I can't wake her up. Let me get my bag. -She going to be all right, Doc? How many pills were in that bottle? -How many pills were in that bottle? It was half-full -- about a dozen or so. You going to have to take her to the hospital? -What are you going to do, Doc? Get that stuff out of her stomach -- if it isn't too late. You better put some coffee on -- and pray. -Want to tell me what happened? I don't know -- I mean -- I wasn't here -- you see -- we had some words earlier -- nothing serious, really -- what you might call a lovers' quarrel -- -I don't know -- I mean -- I wasn't here -- you see -- we had some words earlier -- nothing serious, really -- what you might call a lovers' quarrel -- So you went right out and picked yourself up another dame. -So you went right out and picked yourself up another dame. Something like that. -Something like that. You know, Baxter, you're a real cutie-pie -- yes, you are. -What's her name? Miss Kubelik -- Fran. -Miss Kubelik -- Fran. Fran, I'm a doctor. I'm here because you took too many sleeping pills. Do you understand what I'm saying? Fran, I'm Dr. Dreyfuss -- I'm here to help you. You took all those sleeping pills -- remember? -Hello, Miss Kubelik. Mister -- Miss -- such politeness! -Mister -- Miss -- such politeness! Well -- we work in the same building -- and we try to keep it quiet -- -She'll sleep on and off for the next twenty-four hours. Of course, she'll have a dandy hangover when she wakes up -- Just as long as she's okay. -Just as long as she's okay. These cases are harder on the doctor than on the patient. I ought to charge you by the mile. -Any of that coffee left? Sure. -How do you spell her last name? Kubelik -- with two k's. -Kubelik -- with two k's. What's her address? Where does she live? -Why do you want to know, Doc? You don't have to report this, do you? It's regulations. -It's regulations. She didn't mean it, Doc -- it was an accident -- she had a little too much to drink and -- she didn't know what she was doing -- there was no suicide note or anything -- believe me, Doc, I'm not thinking about myself -- -She didn't mean it, Doc -- it was an accident -- she had a little too much to drink and -- she didn't know what she was doing -- there was no suicide note or anything -- believe me, Doc, I'm not thinking about myself -- Aren't you? -Aren't you? It's just that she's got a family -- and there's the people in the office -- look, Doc, can't you forget you're a doctor -- let's just say you're here as a neighbor -- -It's just that she's got a family -- and there's the people in the office -- look, Doc, can't you forget you're a doctor -- let's just say you're here as a neighbor -- Well, as a doctor, I guess I can't prove it wasn't an accident. But as your neighbor, I'd like to kick your keester clear around the block. Mind if I cool this off? -Help yourself. I don't know what you did to that girl in there -- and don't tell me -- but it was bound to happen, the way you carry on. Live now, pay later. Diner's Club! Why don't you grow up, Baxter? Be a mensch! You know what that means? -I don't know what you did to that girl in there -- and don't tell me -- but it was bound to happen, the way you carry on. Live now, pay later. Diner's Club! Why don't you grow up, Baxter? Be a mensch! You know what that means? I'm not sure. -I'm not sure. A mansch -- a human being! So you got off easy this time -- so you were lucky -- -A mansch -- a human being! So you got off easy this time -- so you were lucky -- Yeah, wasn't I? -Yeah, wasn't I? But you're not out of the woods yet, Baxter -- because most of them try it again! You know where I am if you need me. -How's the patient? Oh, I'm fine, Doc. -Oh, I'm fine, Doc. Not you -- Miss Kubelik. -Say, Baxter -- we're having a little party and we ran out of ice -- so I was wondering -- Sure, Doc. -Sure, Doc. How come you're alone on New Year's Eve? -How come you're alone on New Year's Eve? Well, I have things to do -- -Well, I have things to do -- What's this -- you packing? -What's this -- you packing? Yeah -- I'm giving up the apartment. -Where are you moving to? I don't know. All I know is I got to get out of this place. -I don't know. All I know is I got to get out of this place. Sorry to lose you, Baxter. -Sorry to lose you, Baxter. Me? Oh, you mean my body. Don't worry, Doc -- it'll go to the University -- I'll put it in writing -- -Can you use a bottle of champagne? Booze we don't need. Why don't you join us, Baxter? We got two brain surgeons, an ear, nose and throat specialist, a proctologist, and three nurses from Bellevue. -Booze we don't need. Why don't you join us, Baxter? We got two brain surgeons, an ear, nose and throat specialist, a proctologist, and three nurses from Bellevue. No, thanks -- I don't feel like it. Look, Doc -- in case I don't see you again -- how much do I owe you for taking care of that girl? -No, thanks -- I don't feel like it. Look, Doc -- in case I don't see you again -- how much do I owe you for taking care of that girl? Forget it -- I didn't do it as a doctor -- I did it as a neighbor. By the way, whatever happened to her? -Forget it -- I didn't do it as a doctor -- I did it as a neighbor. By the way, whatever happened to her? You know me with girls. Easy come, easy go. Goodbye, Doc. -You know me with girls. Easy come, easy go. Goodbye, Doc. Happy New Year. -You like Castro? I mean -- how do you feel about Castro? BUD What is Castro? You know, that big-shot down in Cuba with the crazy beard. -You know, that big-shot down in Cuba with the crazy beard. What about him? -What about him? Because as far as I'm concerned, he's a no good fink. Two weeks ago I wrote him a letter -- never even answered me. -Because as far as I'm concerned, he's a no good fink. Two weeks ago I wrote him a letter -- never even answered me. That so. -That so. All I wanted him to do was let Mickey out for Christmas. -All I wanted him to do was let Mickey out for Christmas. Who is Mickey? -Who is Mickey? My husband. He's in Havana -- in jail. -My husband. He's in Havana -- in jail. Oh. Mixed up in that revolution? -Oh. Mixed up in that revolution? Mickey? He wouldn't do nothing like that. He's a jockey. They caught him doping a horse. -Mickey? He wouldn't do nothing like that. He's a jockey. They caught him doping a horse. Well, you can't win 'em all. -'Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house Not a creature was stirring -- Nothing -- No action -- Dullsville! You married? No. -No. Family? -Family? No. -No. A night like this, it sort of spooks you to walk into an empty apartment. -A night like this, it sort of spooks you to walk into an empty apartment. I said I had no family -- I didn't say I had an empty apartment. -Where do we go -- my place or yours? Might as well go to mine -- everybody else does. -Poor Mickey -- when I think of him all by himself in that jail in Havana -- -- want to see his picture? Not particularly. -Can I ask you a personal question? No. -No. You got a girl-friend? -You got a girl-friend? She may be a girl -- but she's no friend of mine. -She may be a girl -- but she's no friend of mine. Still stuck on her, huh. -Still stuck on her, huh. Stuck on her! Obviously, you don't know me very well. -Stuck on her! Obviously, you don't know me very well. I don't know you at all. BUD Permit me -- C.C. Baxter -- junior executive, Arthur Murray graduate, lover. -Say, this is Snugsville. Mrs. MacDougall, I think it is only fair to warn you that you are now alone with a notorious sexpot. -Mrs. MacDougall, I think it is only fair to warn you that you are now alone with a notorious sexpot. No kidding. -No kidding. Ask anybody around here. As a matter of fact, when it's time for me to go -- and I may go just like that -- -- I have promised my body to the Columbia Medical Center. -Ask anybody around here. As a matter of fact, when it's time for me to go -- and I may go just like that -- -- I have promised my body to the Columbia Medical Center. Gee. Sort of gives you goose-bumps just to think about it. -Gee. Sort of gives you goose-bumps just to think about it. Well, they haven't got me yet, baby. Dig up some ice from the kitchen and let's not waste any time -- preliminary-wise. -Well, they haven't got me yet, baby. Dig up some ice from the kitchen and let's not waste any time -- preliminary-wise. I'm with you, lover. -Not so rough, honey. Good night. -Good night. Good night? -Good night? The party's over. -The party's over. What's the matter? Did I do something wrong? -What's the matter? Did I do something wrong? It's an emergency -- see you some other time. -Say, what's going on here, anyway? Nothing. Just clear out, will you? -Nothing. Just clear out, will you? My shoes. -Here -- find yourself a phone booth and call your husband in Havana. You bet I will. And when I tell him how you treated me, he'll push your face in. You fink! --- so yesterday afternoon I take Sylvia up to the apartment, and guess who he's got stashed away in the bedroom? Who? -Who? Kubelik. -Kubelik. No kidding. Buddy-boy and Kubelik having themselves a little toot! -No kidding. Buddy-boy and Kubelik having themselves a little toot! Toot? It's more like a lost weekend. Neither of them showed up for work today. -Toot? It's more like a lost weekend. Neither of them showed up for work today. A.W.O.L.? -A.W.O.L.? What gripes me is the two of them were guzzling my champagne while Sylvia and I wound up at the Guggenheim Museum. -I see. What do you think, Al? Can we help the man? Why not? We don't owe Buddy-boy anything. -Why not? We don't owe Buddy-boy anything. Yeah. What's Buddy-boy done for us lately? -Hi, Buddy-boy. What happened to you? Hit by a swinging door? Or maybe a Yellow Cab? -That guy really must've belted him. Yeah, he's punchy. Talking to himself. -Sleeping pills. That's right, Fran. And I'm a doctor. -That's right, Fran. And I'm a doctor. Doctor. -Doctor. Dr. Dreyfuss. -Dr. Dreyfuss. Dreyfuss. -Dreyfuss. Get more coffee. -Tell me again -- what's my name? Dr. Dreyfuss. -Dr. Dreyfuss. And what happened to you? -And what happened to you? I took sleeping pills. -I took sleeping pills. Do you know where you are, Fran? -Do you know where you are, Fran? No. -No. Yes, you do. Now concentrate. -Yes, you do. Now concentrate. I don't know. -Do you know who this is? Look at him. Mr. Baxter -- nineteenth floor. -Please -- just let me sleep. You can't sleep. Come on, Fran -- open your eyes. Let's get her walking. We've got to keep her awake for the next couple of hours. -What's with you, Fran -- did you forget where you live? This is my brother-in-law, Karl Matuschka. -What for? Because I took some sleeping pills. But I'm all right now -- so let's go. -Because I took some sleeping pills. But I'm all right now -- so let's go. Why did you take sleeping pills? -You fool -- you damn fool. Come on, Fran. -Come on, Fran. Goodbye, Mr. Baxter. -Hi. How's the branch manager from Kansas City? I beg your pardon? MISS OLSEN I'm Miss Olsen -- Mr. Sheldrake's secretary. -I beg your pardon? MISS OLSEN I'm Miss Olsen -- Mr. Sheldrake's secretary. Yes, I know. -Yes, I know. So you don't have to play innocent with me. He used to tell his wife that I was the branch manager from Seattle -- four years ago when we were having a little ring-a-ding- ding. -So you don't have to play innocent with me. He used to tell his wife that I was the branch manager from Seattle -- four years ago when we were having a little ring-a-ding- ding. I don't know what you're talking about. -I don't know what you're talking about. And before me there was Miss Rossi in Auditing -- and after me there was Miss Koch in Disability -- and just before you there was Miss What's-Her-Name, on the twenty- fifth floor -- -And before me there was Miss Rossi in Auditing -- and after me there was Miss Koch in Disability -- and just before you there was Miss What's-Her-Name, on the twenty- fifth floor -- Will you excuse me? -Will you excuse me? What for? You haven't done anything -- it's him -- what a salesman -- always the last booth in the Chinese restaurant -- and the same pitch about divorcing his wife -- and in the end you wind up with egg foo yong on your face. -Well -- thank you. Always happy to do something for our girls in uniform. -Still afraid somebody may see us together? Let me take that. -Let me take that. No, Jeff. I can't stay very long. Can I have a frozen daiquiri? -No, Jeff. I can't stay very long. Can I have a frozen daiquiri? It's on the way. I see you went ahead and cut your hair. -It's on the way. I see you went ahead and cut your hair. That's right. -That's right. You know I liked it better long. -You know I liked it better long. Yes, I know. You want a lock to carry in your wallet? -How long has it been -- a month? Six weeks. But who's counting? -Six weeks. But who's counting? I missed you, Fran. -I missed you, Fran. Like old times. Same booth, same song -- -Like old times. Same booth, same song -- It's been hell. -It's been hell. -- same sauce -- sweet and sour. --- same sauce -- sweet and sour. You don't know what it's like -- standing next to you in that elevator, day after day -- Good morning, Miss Kubelik -- Good night, Mr. Sheldrake -- I'm still crazy about you, Fran. -You don't know what it's like -- standing next to you in that elevator, day after day -- Good morning, Miss Kubelik -- Good night, Mr. Sheldrake -- I'm still crazy about you, Fran. Let's not start on that again, Jeff -- please. I'm just beginning to get over it. -Let's not start on that again, Jeff -- please. I'm just beginning to get over it. I don't believe you. -I don't believe you. Look, Jeff -- we had two wonderful months this summer -- and that was it. Happens all the time -- the wife and kids go away to the country, and the boss has a fling with the secretary or the manicurist -- or the elevator girl. Comes September, the picnic is over -- goodbye. The kids go back to school, the boss goes back to the wife, and the girl -- They don't make these shrimp like they used to. -Look, Jeff -- we had two wonderful months this summer -- and that was it. Happens all the time -- the wife and kids go away to the country, and the boss has a fling with the secretary or the manicurist -- or the elevator girl. Comes September, the picnic is over -- goodbye. The kids go back to school, the boss goes back to the wife, and the girl -- They don't make these shrimp like they used to. I never said goodbye, Fran. -I never said goodbye, Fran. For a while there, you try kidding yourself that you're going with an unmarried man. Then one day he keeps looking at his watch, and asks you if there's any lipstick showing, then rushes off to catch the seven-fourteen to White Plains. So you fix yourself a cup of instant coffee -- and you sit there by yourself -- and you think -- and it all begins to look so ugly -- -How do you think I felt -- riding home on that seven-fourteen train? Why do you keep calling me, Jeff? What do you want from me? -Why do you keep calling me, Jeff? What do you want from me? I want you back, Fran. -I want you back, Fran. Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake -- I'm full up. You'll have to take the next elevator. -Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake -- I'm full up. You'll have to take the next elevator. You're not giving me a chance, Fran. I asked you to meet me because -- I have something to tell you. FRAN Go ahead -- tell me. -You're not giving me a chance, Fran. I asked you to meet me because -- I have something to tell you. FRAN Go ahead -- tell me. Not here, Fran. Can't we go some place else? -Not here, Fran. Can't we go some place else? No. I have a date at eight-thirty. -No. I have a date at eight-thirty. Important? -Important? Not very -- but I'm going to be there anyway. -Fran -- remember that last weekend we had? Do I. That leaky little boat you rented -- and me in a black negligee and a life preserver -- -Do I. That leaky little boat you rented -- and me in a black negligee and a life preserver -- Remember what we talked about? -Remember what we talked about? We talked about a lot of things. -We talked about a lot of things. I mean -- about my getting a divorce. -I mean -- about my getting a divorce. We didn't talk about it -- you did. -We didn't talk about it -- you did. You didn't really believe me, did you? -You didn't really believe me, did you? They got it an a long playing record now - Music to String Her Along By. My wife doesn't understand me -- We haven't gotten along for years -- You're the best thing that ever happened to me -- -They got it an a long playing record now - Music to String Her Along By. My wife doesn't understand me -- We haven't gotten along for years -- You're the best thing that ever happened to me -- That's enough, Fran. -That's enough, Fran. Just trust me, baby -- we'll work it out somehow -- -Just trust me, baby -- we'll work it out somehow -- You're not being funny. -You're not being funny. I wasn't trying. -I wasn't trying. If you'll just listen to me for a minute -- -If you'll just listen to me for a minute -- Okay. I'm sorry. -Okay. I'm sorry. I saw my lawyer this morning -- I wanted his advice -- about the best way to handle it -- -I saw my lawyer this morning -- I wanted his advice -- about the best way to handle it -- Handle what? -Handle what? What do you think? -What do you think? Let's get something straight, Jeff -- I never asked you to leave your wife. -Let's get something straight, Jeff -- I never asked you to leave your wife. Of course not. You had nothing to do with it. -Of course not. You had nothing to do with it. Are you sure that's what you want? -Are you sure that's what you want? I'm sure. If you'll just tell me that you still love me -- -I'm sure. If you'll just tell me that you still love me -- You know I do. -You know I do. Fran -- -I have that date -- remember? I love you -- remember? -Where are we going, Jeff? Not back to that leaky boat -- I promise. -"Come on, Fran -- don't be like that. You just going to sit there and keep bawling? You won't talk to me, you won't tell me what's wrong -- Look, I know you think I'm stalling you. But when you've been married to a woman for twelve years, you don't just sit down at the breakfast table and say ""Pass the sugar -- and I want a divorce."" It's not that easy. Anyway, this is the wrong time. The kids are home from school -- my in- laws are visiting for the holidays -- I can't bring it up now. This isn't like you, Fran -- you were always such a good sport -- such fun to be with --" Yeah -- that's me. The Happy Idiot -- a million laughs. -Yeah -- that's me. The Happy Idiot -- a million laughs. Well, that's more like it. At least you're speaking to me. -Well, that's more like it. At least you're speaking to me. Funny thing happened to me at the office party today -- I ran into your secretary -- Miss Olsen. You know -- ring-a-ding-ding? I laughed so much I like to died. -Funny thing happened to me at the office party today -- I ran into your secretary -- Miss Olsen. You know -- ring-a-ding-ding? I laughed so much I like to died. Is that what's been bothering you -- Miss Olsen? That's ancient history. -Is that what's been bothering you -- Miss Olsen? That's ancient history. I was never very good at history. Let me see -- there was Miss Olsen, and then there was Miss Rossi -- no, she came before -- it was Miss Koch who came after Miss Olsen -- -I was never very good at history. Let me see -- there was Miss Olsen, and then there was Miss Rossi -- no, she came before -- it was Miss Koch who came after Miss Olsen -- Now, Fran -- -Now, Fran -- And just think -- right now there's some lucky girl in the building who's going to come after me -- -And just think -- right now there's some lucky girl in the building who's going to come after me -- Okay, okay, Fran. I deserve that. But just ask yourself -- why does a man run around with a lot of girls? Because he's unhappy at home -- because he's lonely, that's why -- all that was before you, Fran -- I've stopped running. -How could I be so stupid? You'd think I would have learned by now -- when you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara. It's Christmas Eve, Fran -- let's not fight. -It's Christmas Eve, Fran -- let's not fight. Merry Christmas. -Oh. Our friend from the Chinese restaurant. Thanks, Fran. We better keep it here. Yeah, we better. -Yeah, we better. I have a present for you. I didn't quite know what to get you -- anyway it's a little awkward for me, shopping -- -- so here's a hundred dollars -- go out and buy yourself something. -Okay. I just thought as long as it was paid for -- Don't ever talk like that, Fran! Don't make yourself out to be cheap. -Don't ever talk like that, Fran! Don't make yourself out to be cheap. A hundred dollars? I wouldn't call that cheap. And you must be paying somebody something for the use of the apartment -- -A hundred dollars? I wouldn't call that cheap. And you must be paying somebody something for the use of the apartment -- Stop that, Fran. -Stop that, Fran. You'll miss your train, Jeff. -Coming? You run along -- I want to fix my face. -You run along -- I want to fix my face. Don't forget to kill the lights. See you Monday. -Don't forget to kill the lights. See you Monday. Sure. Monday and Thursday -- and Monday again -- and Thursday again -- -Sure. Monday and Thursday -- and Monday again -- and Thursday again -- It won't always be like this. I love you, Fran. -Hello, Jeff. Yes, I'm all right. Fran, why did you do it? It's so childish -- and it never solves anything -- I ought to be very angry with you, scaring me like that -- but let's forget the whole thing -- pretend it never happened -- what do you say, Fran? Fran -- -Are you there, Fran? Of course I'm not here -- because the whole thing never happened -- I never took those pills -- I never loved you -- we never even met -- isn't that the way you want it? -Of course I'm not here -- because the whole thing never happened -- I never took those pills -- I never loved you -- we never even met -- isn't that the way you want it? There you go again -- you know I didn't mean it that way, Fran. Just get well -- do what the nurse tells you -- I mean Baxter -- and I'll see you as soon as I can. Bye, Fran. -Sorry it took me so long on the phone. But we're all set. All set for what? -All set for what? I rented a car -- it's going to be here at one o'clock -- we're driving to Atlantic City. -I rented a car -- it's going to be here at one o'clock -- we're driving to Atlantic City. Atlantic City? -Atlantic City? I know it's a drag -- but you can't find a hotel room in town -- not on New Year's Eve. -I know it's a drag -- but you can't find a hotel room in town -- not on New Year's Eve. Ring out the old year, ring in the new. Ring-a-ding-ding. -Ring out the old year, ring in the new. Ring-a-ding-ding. I didn't plan it this way, Fran -- actually, it's all Baxter's fault. -I didn't plan it this way, Fran -- actually, it's all Baxter's fault. Baxter? -Baxter? He wouldn't give me the key to the apartment. -He wouldn't give me the key to the apartment. He wouldn't. -He wouldn't. Just walked out on me -- quit -- threw that big fat job right in my face. -Just walked out on me -- quit -- threw that big fat job right in my face. The nerve. -The nerve. That little punk -- after all I did for him! He said I couldn't bring anybody to his apartment -- especially not Miss Kubelik. What's he got against you, anyway? -That little punk -- after all I did for him! He said I couldn't bring anybody to his apartment -- especially not Miss Kubelik. What's he got against you, anyway? I don't know. I guess that's the way it crumbles -- cookie-wise. -I don't know. I guess that's the way it crumbles -- cookie-wise. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I'd spell it out for you -- only I can't spell. -Please, Sylvia! It's a quarter to nine! First you can't wait to get me up here, and now -- rush, rush, rush! Makes a person feel cheap. -First you can't wait to get me up here, and now -- rush, rush, rush! Makes a person feel cheap. Sylvia -- sweetie -- it's not that -- but I promised the guy I'd be out of here by eight o'clock, positively. -Sylvia -- sweetie -- it's not that -- but I promised the guy I'd be out of here by eight o'clock, positively. What guy? Whose apartment is this, anyway? -What guy? Whose apartment is this, anyway? What's the difference? Some schnook that works in the office. -Some setup you got here. A real, honest-to-goodness love nest. Sssssh. -You got to watch those things. Wives are getting smarter all the time. Take Mr. Bernheim -- in the Claims Department -- came home one night with lipstick on his shirt -- told his wife he had a shrimp cocktail for lunch -- so she took it out to the lab and had it analyzed -- so now she has the house in Great Neck and the children and the new Jaguar -- Don't you ever stop talking? -Where do you live? I told you -- with my mother. -I told you -- with my mother. Where does she live? -Where does she live? A hundred and seventy-ninth street -- the Bronx. -A hundred and seventy-ninth street -- the Bronx. All right -- I'll take you to the subway. -All right -- I'll take you to the subway. Like hell you will. You'll buy me a cab. -Like hell you will. You'll buy me a cab. Why do all you dames have to live in the Bronx? -Why do all you dames have to live in the Bronx? You mean you bring other girls up here? -You mean you bring other girls up here? Certainly not. I'm a happily married man. -Yes? Oh, hello -- sure I got home all right -- you owe me forty-five cents. Okay, okay. Look, Sylvia -- instead of Friday - could we make it Thursday night? -Okay, okay. Look, Sylvia -- instead of Friday - could we make it Thursday night? Thursday? That's The Untouchables -- with Bob Stack. -Thursday? That's The Untouchables -- with Bob Stack. Bob WHO? -- all right, so we'll watch it at the apartment. Big deal. Baxter? It's okay for Thursday. -Stay with it, Buddy-boy! Come on, Sylvia. What gives? -What gives? A little mixup in signals. Let's go. -A little mixup in signals. Let's go. Go where? -Go where? What's your mother doing this afternoon? -What's your mother doing this afternoon? She's home -- stuffing a turkey. -She's home -- stuffing a turkey. Why don't we send her to a movie -- like Ben-Hur? -Why don't we send her to a movie -- like Ben-Hur? That's fine. But what are we going to do about grandma and Uncle Herman and Aunt Sophie and my two nieces -- -Did you have a nice Christmas? Lovely. You were a big help. -Lovely. You were a big help. Me? SHELDRAKE Thank you for giving that little pep talk to Miss Kubelik at the office party. -Me? SHELDRAKE Thank you for giving that little pep talk to Miss Kubelik at the office party. I'm sorry, Jeff. You know I could never hold my liquor -- -I'm sorry, Jeff. You know I could never hold my liquor -- But I thought you could hold your tongue. -But I thought you could hold your tongue. It won't happen again. -It won't happen again. You bet it won't. I'll arrange for you to get a month's severance pay -- That's right, Miss Olsen. I'm letting you go. -You bet it won't. I'll arrange for you to get a month's severance pay -- That's right, Miss Olsen. I'm letting you go. You let me go four years ago, Jeff. Only you were cruel enough to make me sit out there and watch the new models pass by. -You let me go four years ago, Jeff. Only you were cruel enough to make me sit out there and watch the new models pass by. I'd appreciate it if you'd be out of here as soon as you can. -I'd appreciate it if you'd be out of here as soon as you can. Yes, Mr. Sheldrake. -Hey, Dad -- why don't we put a fly in the nose cone and see if we can bring it back alive? It's a thought. -It's a thought. Maybe we should send up two flies -- and see if they'll propagate in orbit. -Maybe we should send up two flies -- and see if they'll propagate in orbit. See if they'll what? -See if they'll what? Propagate -- you know, multiply -- baby flies? -Propagate -- you know, multiply -- baby flies? Oh -- oh! -You came in on that boat, didn't you? Yeah -- -Yeah -- Where are you headed? -Where are you headed? What's it matter? Get to the point. -What's it matter? Get to the point. Look -- you know the girls -- Thta's Terri -- she was playmate of -- -Look -- you know the girls -- Thta's Terri -- she was playmate of -- Yeah, I caught your show at Hau Fat. -Oh -- I see -- Well, girls, this is Captain -- eh -- Captain Willard -- go ahead. -Captain Willard -- go ahead. Look -- we got in a little trouble -- they rudely took our helicopter for MedEvac work on this -- uh Operation Brute Force -- They just brought it back this morning. -Look -- we got in a little trouble -- they rudely took our helicopter for MedEvac work on this -- uh Operation Brute Force -- They just brought it back this morning. Yeah. -Yeah. Well I mean like they also took our fuel -- We've been here two days. -Well I mean like they also took our fuel -- We've been here two days. Dreadful. -Dreadful. Look -- the girls could get killed -- we're not supposed to be this close combat, I mean real combat. -Look -- the girls could get killed -- we're not supposed to be this close combat, I mean real combat. Well -- -Well -- We could use some fuel -- just a half drum -- just enough to get us out a here. -We could use some fuel -- just a half drum -- just enough to get us out a here. We need all our fuel. -Look -- you know who that is, Captain -- you know what she's saying -- you'll never see stuff that good outside of a magazine for the rest of your life. I'm not that fond of blondes -- maybe I like brunettes -- -I'm not that fond of blondes -- maybe I like brunettes -- Take your pick -- they all like you -- I can tell -- -Take your pick -- they all like you -- I can tell -- I like all of them -- -I like all of them -- Good -- like I said, take your pick. -Good -- like I said, take your pick. I said I like all of them. -I said I like all of them. Now just a second -- I'm doing you a favor, buddy -- what're you trying to pull? -We need all our fuel anyway. Wait -- wait -- don't get up tight -- what I meant was we'd need a whole drum for that -- -Wait -- wait -- don't get up tight -- what I meant was we'd need a whole drum for that -- Sit down -- we'll talk about it. -What's there to talk about -- this whole thing disgusts me. My men -- -My men -- What ! -What ! That's what there is to talk about -- my man -- I take a good care of my men -- -You're out of your skull -- We have a lot of pride in our unit -- -We have a lot of pride in our unit -- How far do you think you can push -- what kind of people do you think -- -How far do you think you can push -- what kind of people do you think -- Esprit de corps -- -Esprit de corps -- No -- absolutely not -- -No -- absolutely not -- One for all -- all for one -- -One for all -- all for one -- You can keep your fucking fuel -- -You make some of your closest friends in the army -- war has a way of bringing men together. Get out -- -Get out -- Men of all races -- nationalities -- -Two whole drums -- We can use some fifty caliber and a 16 too -- -We can use some fifty caliber and a 16 too -- I don't know what you're talking about -- Get fucked -- -I don't know what you're talking about -- Get fucked -- I will -- I assure you that -- You got a fifty on that H-34 -- leave the ammo in boxes -- I'll get my men to bring the first drum with 'em -- -We've been attacked. I know, I know, it's all right. Come in this way. It's mined over there. This way. It's all right. -Who the hell are you? Moonby. Got any Winstons? -Moonby. Got any Winstons? Moonby what? -Moonby what? Moonby, 4th battalion, Royal Australian Regiment, Task Force. Ex-Corporal Moonby, deserted. -Moonby, 4th battalion, Royal Australian Regiment, Task Force. Ex-Corporal Moonby, deserted. What is this? -How about a drink ? Sure, thanks. -Winning the war by yourself. Part. -Part. Which part is that ? -Which part is that ? My part. Beer, with ice and water. -That's good gin. I'm sure it is, but I had hepatitis. -I'm sure it is, but I had hepatitis. Delta ? -Delta ? No. -No. North ? -North ? Yeah. Way north. -Yeah. Way north. What unit were you with ? -What unit were you with ? None. -None. Rangers, eh? -Rangers, eh? Sort of. -Were you Longe Range Recon -- No -- I worked too far north for LRRP. -That's quite an array of ribbons... Let's talk about you. -Let's talk about you. I was an FO for the 25th. -I was an FO for the 25th. Tracks ? -Tracks ? Yeah. -Yeah. Fat. That's real fat. -Fat. That's real fat. Sometimes. -Sometimes. At least you always have enough water. How many gallons does each one of those damn things carry ? -At least you always have enough water. How many gallons does each one of those damn things carry ? Thirty -- sometimes fifty. -Thirty -- sometimes fifty. You know, I can remember once, getting back below the DMZ -- and the first Americans we ran into were a track squadron. I just couldn't believe how much water they had. We'd been chewing bamboo shoots for almost a week, and before that, for two weeks, we'd been drinking anything -- rain water, river shit, stuff right out of the paddies. And there were these guys standing by their trucks spilling water all over. I could've killed them. I swear to God I would have, too, if ... -You know, I can remember once, getting back below the DMZ -- and the first Americans we ran into were a track squadron. I just couldn't believe how much water they had. We'd been chewing bamboo shoots for almost a week, and before that, for two weeks, we'd been drinking anything -- rain water, river shit, stuff right out of the paddies. And there were these guys standing by their trucks spilling water all over. I could've killed them. I swear to God I would have, too, if ... I didn't know we had units up there in North Vietnam. -I didn't know we had units up there in North Vietnam. We do. -We do. How long were you up there ? -How long were you up there ? A long time. -A long time. A year ? Waiter another beer. -A year ? Waiter another beer. I go up on missions. Listen Captain, buy me all the beer you want, but you better tell that asshole over there you're not going to find out anymore about me. -Headquarters 11 Corps -- 405th A.S.A Battalion -- S-2 -- Com-Sec -- Intelligence -- Nha Trang. Who are you ? -It's really too much -- I mean I've collected every picture of her since she was Miss December. Yeah -- you can really get hung up on them like the cat in the Delta. -So what happened ? He was working A.R.V.N. patrols and had one a them little cocky gook asshole Lieutenants -- anyhow, the Lieutenant took his new Playboy one day, sat on the end of the dock, and wouldn't give it back. -He was working A.R.V.N. patrols and had one a them little cocky gook asshole Lieutenants -- anyhow, the Lieutenant took his new Playboy one day, sat on the end of the dock, and wouldn't give it back. Yeah -- typical A.R.V.N. -Yeah -- typical A.R.V.N. Then went too far -- he sat there and starts mutilating the centerfold. Poking pins in her an' all that. Sergeant says, don't do her like that. You leave your shitty little hands off that girl. Gook Lieutenant says Fuck you in Vietnamese -- Sergeant says, don't do that again. You'll wish you hadn't. Then he stood up, flicked his iron to rock and roll and gave the little zero a long burst through the Playboy mag. Man, it blew him clean off the dock -- Hell, just the magazine was floatin' there all full of holes. -Holy shit. What did you put in all those ammo boxes? -Arch light. I hate that -- Every time I hear that noise something terrible happens. -Chef. Yes, sir -- -Yes, sir -- Why they call you that? -Why they call you that? Call me what, sir? -Call me what, sir? Chef -- is that 'cause you like mangoes an' stuff? -Chef -- is that 'cause you like mangoes an' stuff? No, sir -- I'm a real chef, sir -- I'm a sauciere -- -No, sir -- I'm a real chef, sir -- I'm a sauciere -- A sauciere -- -A sauciere -- That's right, sir -- I come from New Orleans -- I was raised to be a sauciere.. a great sauciere. We specialize in sauces; my whole family. It's what we do. I was supposed to go to Paris and study at the Escoffier School; I was saving the money. They called me for my physical so I figured the Navy had better food. -That's right, sir -- I come from New Orleans -- I was raised to be a sauciere.. a great sauciere. We specialize in sauces; my whole family. It's what we do. I was supposed to go to Paris and study at the Escoffier School; I was saving the money. They called me for my physical so I figured the Navy had better food. What are you doing out here? -What are you doing out here? Cook school -- that did it. -Cook school -- that did it. How? -How? They lined us all up in front of a hundred yards of prime rib -- magnificent meat, beautifully marbled.. Then they started throwing it in these big cauldrons, all of it -- boiling. I looked in, an' it was turning gray. I couldn't stand it. I went into radio school. -I've arranged with those people we saw at Hau Fat to give us some 50 caliber in trade for a couple a drums of fuel -- No shit. -No shit. Chef -- since you're such a fan of Miss December's I think you should be detailed with Lance and Clean to take the first drum up there. -Chef -- since you're such a fan of Miss December's I think you should be detailed with Lance and Clean to take the first drum up there. I don't believe you -- -What do you see? I don't know. -I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like the goddamn jungle's watching us. Probably is. -Probably is. Whatdoya think it thinks. -Whatdoya think it thinks. That we're dumber than we look. -There's some bad holes, man, and the cracks -- water's coming through the cracks. Food's shot to hell. How much is left? -How much is left? Less than half -- sure is a mess down there. -And the grass? Still got a lot of that stuff from Nha Trang. But we're running low on the other. -That's a light down there -- Yeah, it is. -Charlie? Looks that way. -Looks that way. Who's he? -Who's he? God knows. -Captain -- they've been probed all this week -- Cong and NVA regulars. There's gonna be a big offense any time. I know. -What are we doing here? Kurtz. I'm supposed to kill him, just like he said. -He killed that guy without feeling anything. Not a thing. -Not a thing. When you kill Cong, don't you feel something. -When you kill Cong, don't you feel something. Sure. Recoil... I feel the recoil of my rifle. -This is evil -- evil, Captain. We're all gonna die here. Yeah, I know. -Yeah, I know. I don't get it -- You said your mission was to kill him. Let's do it, an' get our asses outta here. This Kurtz is ruining the war; I mean, this don't look good for America ! -I don't get it -- You said your mission was to kill him. Let's do it, an' get our asses outta here. This Kurtz is ruining the war; I mean, this don't look good for America ! ... he's an amazing officer. -... he's an amazing officer. You got to kill this sonuvabitch -- Lance and me, we don''t understand none of this -- Jesus, Captain -- I don't wanna die here -- Do it quick. -Can I go get those mangos now? I'll go with you in a while -- judt hold tight awhile -- -You forgot the mangoes, didn't you? Mangoes? There as a fucking tiger in the woods -- I could've been eaten alive. I'm never going into that jungle again. I gotta remember never get out of the boat; never get outta the boat. -Elevate Lance, in the tree. No, I saw another. Thirty meters up, Lance; I saw the fucking flash. -What'd he say? Said I speak French like a Spanish cow. -Flood. No -- most of 'em are still standing -- might've been disease. -I met the P.B.R. crew; they were pretty much all kids, except for Phillips, the Chief -- Gunner's Mate Third Class L. Johnson -- Lance Johnson; Gunner's Mate Third Class J. Hicks -- The Chef -- Radio Operator Second Class T. Miller; they called him Mr. Clean. Chief, try to keep out of where we're going -- Why we're goin' and what's gonna be the big surprise. -Chief, try to keep out of where we're going -- Why we're goin' and what's gonna be the big surprise. All right with me, I used to drive a taxi. -All right with me, I used to drive a taxi. Let's go. -The Delta closes off to us about ten miles out of Hau Fat. We'll be able to pick up some supplies -- bit I think there are only two points we can draw enough water to get into the Nung River. It's all Charlie's turf from there on out. We're gonna have some help to get in the river. You know these waters, Chief ? -We're gonna have some help to get in the river. You know these waters, Chief ? 'Bout six months ago I took a man up to Lo Mung Bridge. He was regular Army too. Shot himself in the head. I brought his body back down. -'Bout six months ago I took a man up to Lo Mung Bridge. He was regular Army too. Shot himself in the head. I brought his body back down. Shot himself. What for ? -Shot himself. What for ? Beats me -- the sun was too much for him, or the mud. Who knows ? -Smoke ! Where ? -Yeah -- fishing village -- helicopters over there. Hueys, lots of 'em. First Air Cavalry. They're the ones gonna get us into the River. -We could go in tomorrow at dawn -- there's always off-shore wind in the morning. The draft of that river might be too shallow on the point. -Yeah, Chef -- go ahead -- take Lance with you -- I'll go with him -- -Careful, Captain, they've been known to charge. All right I got a little surprise for you -- -What're you trying to say, Captain -- You'll see soon enough -- get going, sailor -- -You'll see soon enough -- get going, sailor -- No shit -- hot damn -- -Wow, you must a found the C.O., eh? We found some bodies -- let's get out a here. -What about ducking into one of those tributaries till this river slows down? Who knows what's up there? -Who knows what's up there? Can't be any worse than this. What do you think? -Can't be any worse than this. What do you think? I think this river wants to take us home fast. I'm practically goin' in reverse. -Well, get in there. This whole area is lousy with V.C. -- We don't stand a chance. Lemme turn around and we'll be in Hau Fat in six minutes. -Get in there ! This is my crew and my fucking boat, and I'm the responsible party. -This is my crew and my fucking boat, and I'm the responsible party. Get in there now or I'll bury you in this river. -What the hell is it? In the middle of the jungle -- a goddamn light. -They're not Cong. We're Americans. -I -- I am -- I'm Captain B.L. Willard. This is Chief Warrant Officer Phillips -- it's his boat. We were shot up bad downriver and need repairs and food -- we can pay you in gold. -Rocks, sand -- those two men who deserted. When'd you do it? -When'd you do it? While you were sleeping. -Why -- Charlie put it there to kill -- Thta's not Charlie's work -- -Whoever put'em there didn't do it to kill people -- They put 'em up as signs -- Signs? -Signs? Yeah -- like keep out -- -Listen. What is it? -What is it? Listen. -Will they attack? If they have boats ... or canoes... they'd get lost in the fog. We can't move either -- we'll end up on the shore. -Two hours after the fog lifted, we moved slowly to a spot we thought was roughly a mile and a half below Kurtz's camp. We approached a long sand-bank stretching down the middle of the river. Which way? Right or left? -Which way? Right or left? Who knows? Right. -Who knows? Right. Looks pretty shallow. -Anybody see some smoke ? Too far inland. -What cat ? One that went up for murder -- he was an Army Sergeant. -One that went up for murder -- he was an Army Sergeant. I never heard about that. -I never heard about that. Yeah -- he really dug his Playboy mag, man -- I mean like he was there when it arrived -- He just knew. -They nail him for it bad ? He's in the L.B.J. -- didn't give him no medals or nothing -- -Forget that extra drum -- it's too damn hot. Clear on starboard -- Where's Lance an' the Captain? -Clear on starboard -- Where's Lance an' the Captain? I saw that Colonel's Huey on the point -- -Jesus -- that guy's too damn much. I wonder if that was the same copter. -What do you want ? If you're B.L. Willard, 4th Recon Group, we'd like you to come with us. -If you're B.L. Willard, 4th Recon Group, we'd like you to come with us. Whose orders ? -I only met Kurtz once. Would he remember you ? -Would he remember you ? Maybe. -You didn't like him. Anyone got a cigarette. -What does that mean ? Maybe it's not Kurtz. I don't believe he's capable of that. I just don't believe it. -Our Recon flight ? Ours. -Ours. Touchy. -Touchy. You can see, of course, the implications, if any of this -- even rumours leaked out. -You can see, of course, the implications, if any of this -- even rumours leaked out. You want me to clean it up -- simple and quiet. -You want me to clean it up -- simple and quiet. Exactly -- you'll go up the Nung River in a Navy P.B.R. -- appear at Nu Mung Ba as if by accident, re-establish your acquintance with Colonel Kurtz, find out what's happened -- and why. Then terminate his command. -Exactly -- you'll go up the Nung River in a Navy P.B.R. -- appear at Nu Mung Ba as if by accident, re-establish your acquintance with Colonel Kurtz, find out what's happened -- and why. Then terminate his command. Terminate ? -Terminate ? Terminate with extreme prejudice. -Hey, buddy, that boat still runs, eh? Yeah, it still runs. -Yeah, it still runs. Do me a favor buddy, please. -Do me a favor buddy, please. What is it? -It's to everyone I really knew -- the first girl I screwed -- my brother -- best friend -- I wanted to tell 'em how much I enjoyed knowing 'em -- it's been a great twenty years. I gotta let 'em know. What're you askin' me for -- put 'em in the first helicopter comes in tomorrow. -What're you askin' me for -- put 'em in the first helicopter comes in tomorrow. Nobody comes in here. -You got a chance in that boat -- by morning you could be five miles down the river. We ain't goin' down the river. -Spooky. Charlie? -Charlie? No, it'd be spooky without the war -- give 'em back. -What -- happened here. Charlie? -Charlie? NVA regulars. They're coming again tonight. Tet -- their big -- assault. -Who is he? He was the tragedy -- the tragedy of this war. -How did they know? They must have seen the fire. -Yeah. Colonel Kurtz, he's dead. -Colonel Kurtz, he's dead. Yeah. -Captain B.L. Willard, G-4 Headquarters, reporting as ordered, sir. Okay, Willard, sit down. -No, sir. This gentleman or myself ? -This gentleman or myself ? No, sir. -No, sir. I believe on your last job you executed a tax collector in Kontum, is that right ? -I believe on your last job you executed a tax collector in Kontum, is that right ? I am not presently disposed to discuss that, sir. -You know much about about Special Forces; Green Berets, Captain ? I've worked with them on occasions and I saw the movie , sir. -Yeah. He's commanding the detachment at Nu Mung Ba. -I thought he was a lame. A lame ? -A lame ? This is years ago, before he joined Special Forces, I guess. We had an argument. -This is years ago, before he joined Special Forces, I guess. We had an argument. About what ? -About what ? I don't know. He was a lame, that's all. -I don't know. He was a lame, that's all. But why ? -But why ? He couldn't get through a sentence without all these big words; about why we kill. -He couldn't get through a sentence without all these big words; about why we kill. Well, he's killing now. -Well, he's killing now. Maybe. -Fifty calibers, eh, Captain -- As I said, we can pay you in gold. -As I said, we can pay you in gold. Entirely unnecessary, Captain. -American weapons? We took them from the dead. Now -- I assume you want to rest, to shower. We'll attend to your repairs after dinner. -We don't want to bother you any, we -- A man of war is never bothered to aid an ally -- you will follow me, Captain. -A habit of men of war, sir -- you understand. Of course, Captain -- an unfortunate necessity. -It is very good -- there is no current -- It is very good. I have never seen one like it in all Indochina. I was in Paris when it arrived -- do you know what might have caused -- Looks like a two thousand pound to me. Yeah, a two thousand pound bomb. -Looks like a two thousand pound to me. Yeah, a two thousand pound bomb. No, I've seen those in Normandy. This is much better. My country -- my country could never originate this. Magnificent. -Attacks repulsed, as I was saying. This is only for this war, Captain. Viet Cong -- 54; North Vietnamese regular forces -- 15; South Vietnamese -- 28 -- regular forces and otherwise. Americain -- 6. Of course, they were, perhaps, mistakes, Captain. Of course. I -- Once we make our repairs, we could send word, we could have you evacuated from here. -Of course. I -- Once we make our repairs, we could send word, we could have you evacuated from here. Captain? -Captain? You'll get blown outta here some day. -You'll get blown outta here some day. We will never 'evacuate', Captain -- this is our home. Indochina is ours; it has been so for a hundred and twenty-one years, there is something to say for that. -We will never 'evacuate', Captain -- this is our home. Indochina is ours; it has been so for a hundred and twenty-one years, there is something to say for that. The Vietnamese think it's theirs -- I guess the Americans do, too. -The Vietnamese think it's theirs -- I guess the Americans do, too. But we civilized it. A place belongs to those who bring light to it, don't you agree. -But we civilized it. A place belongs to those who bring light to it, don't you agree. I always thought the French came here to get the rubber. -Upriver? Why upriver? There is nothing there, only jungle. Do you know that jungle? -Do you know that jungle? When I was a boy, my father would take me there, to hunt. There are a few savages, but no man can live there, no white man. -When I was a boy, my father would take me there, to hunt. There are a few savages, but no man can live there, no white man. What about an American named Kurtz? -Two of my men deserted last night. It happens from time to time. I assume my daughter told you of our conditions. Your daughter. -I guess this is whAt men of war do -- eh? We endure, captain -- you can blow up the house and we will live in the cellar -- destroy that and we'll dig a hole in the jungle and sleep on it. Burn the forest and we'll hide in the swamp. all the while, we do but one thing -- clean the blood off our bayonets. Au revoir, Captain. -What's your name, sailor ? Gunner's Mate, Third Class -- L. Johnson, sir. -Gunner's Mate, Third Class -- L. Johnson, sir. Lance Johnson? The surfer? -Lance Johnson? The surfer? That's right, sir. -It's an honor to meet you Lance. I've admired your nose-riding for years -- I like your cutback, too. I think you have the best cutback there is. Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir. You can cut out the sir, Lance -- I'm Bill kilgore -- I'm a goofy foot. -Where've you been riding, Lance? I haven't surfed since I got here. -I haven't surfed since I got here. That's terrible -- we'll change that -- I'd like to see you work -- I've always liked your cutback; got a hell of a left turn, too. -Good swell. What, sir? -What, sir? I said it's a good swell -- hell of a good swell 'bout six feet. Let's get a look at it. -You think that section on the point is ridable, Lance? I think we ought to wait for the tide to come in. -They far enough? Sure -- fine -- -You smell that. You smell that? What? -What? Napalm, boy -- nothing else in the world smells like that -- -The wind -- What? -Yeah, I'm an artist, goddamit ! Yeah -- yeah, I can understand how you feel. -Mike, you know anything about the point at Vin Drip Drop? Boss left. -Boss left. What do you mean? -What do you mean? It's really long left slide, breaks on the short side of the point -- catches a south swell. -Why the hell didn't you tell me about that place -- a good left. There aren't any good left slides in this whole, shitty country. It's all goddamn beach break. It's hairy ,though. That's where we lost McDonnel -- they shot the hell out of us. It's Charlie's point. -It's hairy ,though. That's where we lost McDonnel -- they shot the hell out of us. It's Charlie's point. How big it is? -How big it is? Six to eight feet. -Change. Wh -- what? -Wh -- what? Change -- get out there -- I want'a see if it's ridable -- change. -Change -- get out there -- I want'a see if it's ridable -- change. It's still pretty hairy, sir. -It's still pretty hairy, sir. You want'a surf, soldier? -Big Duke Six to Hell's Angels Four -- bring it in on along tree line and huts. Hell's Angels Four to Big Duke Six -- we'll need green smoke -- suggest you have the FAC mark it. -Hell's Angels Four to Big Duke Six -- we'll need green smoke -- suggest you have the FAC mark it. Haven't got time, Hell's Angels -- lay it right up the tree line. -This is Baker Delta Four -- Captain hit bad -- need dust-off. Receiving heavy automatic weapons fire from huts about thirty yards to our left. Big Duke Six to Baker Delta Four -- hold -- we're right over you. -Eagle Thrust Four -- Big Duke Six. Join me in sparaying some trees. Affirmative, Big Duke Six -- We're even got some rockets left. -Affirmative, Big Duke Six -- We're even got some rockets left. Take her in low, Lieutenant. -Captain B-L. Willard, sir -- 4th Recon Group -- I carry priority papers from Com-Sec Intelligence 11 Corp -- I believe you understand the nature of my mission. Yeah -- Na Trang told me to expect you -- we'll see what we can do. Just stay out of my way till this is done, Captain. -My orders are from Com-Sec Intel -- B.L. Willard, 4th Recon -- Just hold up a second, Captain -- I'll get to you soon enough -- We've got things to do here. -Why the hell you wanna go up to Nu Mung Ba for? I got bored in Saigon. -I got bored in Saigon. What's the furthest you been in? -What's the furthest you been in? Haiphong. -Haiphong. Haiphong? Shit, you jump in ? -Haiphong? Shit, you jump in ? No. Walked. -No. Walked. What'd you do for supplies? -What'd you do for supplies? Mercenaries -- agents, traitors -- they put out caches. -Mercenaries -- agents, traitors -- they put out caches. Can you trust them? -Can you trust them? No. They put out two or three for every one I needed. When you get to the one you'll use, you just stake it out. If something feels wrong, you just pass it up. On one mission, I had to pass up three and ended up living on rats and chocolate bars. -No. They put out two or three for every one I needed. When you get to the one you'll use, you just stake it out. If something feels wrong, you just pass it up. On one mission, I had to pass up three and ended up living on rats and chocolate bars. Nu Mung Ba. Last I heard, Walter Kurtz commanded a Green Beret detachment at Nu Mung Ba. -Nu Mung Ba. Last I heard, Walter Kurtz commanded a Green Beret detachment at Nu Mung Ba. When did you hear? -When did you hear? 'Bout a year ago? Is Kurtz still alive? -'Bout a year ago? Is Kurtz still alive? Who knows. -Who knows. Seems to me he got himself fragged. i heard some grunt rolled a grenade in his tent. Maybe a rumor. Helluva man -- remarkable officer. Walter Kurtz woulda been a General some day. General of the Army. Shit, Head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Did you knew Kurtz? -Seems to me he got himself fragged. i heard some grunt rolled a grenade in his tent. Maybe a rumor. Helluva man -- remarkable officer. Walter Kurtz woulda been a General some day. General of the Army. Shit, Head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Did you knew Kurtz? I met him. -I met him. Don't you agree? -Don't you agree? He musta changed ! I got to get into the Nung River, here or here. -He musta changed ! I got to get into the Nung River, here or here. That village you're pointing at is kinda hairy. -That village you're pointing at is kinda hairy. Hairy ? -Hairy ? I mean it's hairy -- they got some pretty heavy ordnance, boy -- I've lost a few recon ships in there now and again. -I mean it's hairy -- they got some pretty heavy ordnance, boy -- I've lost a few recon ships in there now and again. So? I heard you had a good bunch of killers here. -So? I heard you had a good bunch of killers here. And I don't intend to get some of them chewed up just to get your tub put in the mouth of the goddman Nung River. You say you don't know Kurtz? -And I don't intend to get some of them chewed up just to get your tub put in the mouth of the goddman Nung River. You say you don't know Kurtz? I met him. -I met him. You talk like him. I don't mind taking casualties, Captain, but I like to keep my ratio ten to one in this unit -- ten Cong to one. -You talk like him. I don't mind taking casualties, Captain, but I like to keep my ratio ten to one in this unit -- ten Cong to one. You'll find enough Cong up there. -You'll find enough Cong up there. What about this point here? -We'll come in low out of the rising sun -- We'll put on the music about a mile out. Music? -Music? Yeah. Classical stuff -- scares the hell out of the slopes -- the boys love it. -Fucking savages. Who? -Who? The enemy. Who else? -Sonuvabitch -- anybody hurt? Automatic weapons flashes along those trees -- probably eleven millimeter guns and AK-47's. -Automatic weapons flashes along those trees -- probably eleven millimeter guns and AK-47's. The trees, eh... -I'm waiting for the fucking boat, Colonel. It'll get here, soldier. -You know, some day this war's gonna end.. Yes, I know. -It's gonna blow this place out. It's gonna ruin it ... The kid can't ride sloppy waves. -Colonel Kurtz, I guess. I'm Kurtz. -I'm Kurtz. Captain B.L. Willard reporting his presence, sir. -Why did you come to ... my province. We were attacked -- down river. We need supplies and medical help. -We were attacked -- down river. We need supplies and medical help. You were not coming here, to see me? -You were not coming here, to see me? No -- no, sir. -No -- no, sir. You came up my river -- in that small boat. So simple. I always thought the final justice would come from the sky, like we did. You are the final justice, aren't you? -You came up my river -- in that small boat. So simple. I always thought the final justice would come from the sky, like we did. You are the final justice, aren't you? What do you mean, Colonel? -What do you mean, Colonel? What other reason could you have come? A Captain. Ranger. Paratrooper. Graduate of the Recondo School. Am I right about these things? -What other reason could you have come? A Captain. Ranger. Paratrooper. Graduate of the Recondo School. Am I right about these things? You know you're right. -Do you know me? Yes. -Yeah, I can see that. He's fuckin nuts -- Yeah. -I said get the fuck out ! I'm going to kill the little weirdo myself tomorrow. He's only stayed alive this long because he's a good orderly and medic. He knows how to use a hypodermic. You're gonna get hit tonight, bad -- a whole regiment of NVA regulars. -You're gonna get hit tonight, bad -- a whole regiment of NVA regulars. That's right, the little gook- pricks. But they are noble little gook-pricks, noble. Because they fight with their guts, like animals. And for an idea ! That's rich. We fight with ingenious machines and fire, like Gods, and for nothing. But I'll call in a major blotto airstrike tonight. We'll have ourselves a helluva airstrike tonight, a lightshow. How do you like The Doors': 'C'mon Baby Light My Fire...' -Do you? Yeah, I like it... -Yeah, I like it... I love it. -You've gone crazy. No. My thinking is clear. But my soul has gone mad. -No -- I don't want to sleep. I want to think. Water. Give me water. You can't have water after morphine. -You can't have water after morphine. Still playing by the rules. You're a damn good kiler. -Still playing by the rules. You're a damn good kiler. How's the pain? -How's the pain? How's yours? -How's yours? I can handle it. -I can handle it. Pain is easy to handle -- but nobility.. the nobility of a man is judged by how much Truth he can handle. -Pain is easy to handle -- but nobility.. the nobility of a man is judged by how much Truth he can handle. What Truth? -What Truth? The truth that you were sent here to murder me, ans so far you haven't done it. And do you know why? Yes, you know why. Your mission makes about as much sense as those idiots who sent you on it. Asshole ! Schmuck ! How long does it take you to figure out that nobody knows what they're doing here. Except me. -Gimme water. No water. -No water. You know what you're doing? You are interfering with my plans ! -How did we get here? Because of all the things we do, the thing we do best -- is lie. -Because of all the things we do, the thing we do best -- is lie. I think think a lie stinks. -I think think a lie stinks. Oh Captain, that is so true. -Oh Captain, that is so true. Stinks. I could never figure -- I could never figure how they can teach boys how to bomb villages with napalm -- and not let them write the word 'fuck' on their airplanes. -You could never figure it because it doesn't make sense. Fuck no. -Fuck no. I'll tell you what makes sense ! Air strikes ! White Phosphorus ! Napalm ! We'll bomb the shit out of them if they don't do what we want. -I'll tell you what makes sense ! Air strikes ! White Phosphorus ! Napalm ! We'll bomb the shit out of them if they don't do what we want. We'll exterminate the fuckers ! -Go away -- hide yourself. What are you doing? -What are you doing? Going back - to the jungle to die. -Going back - to the jungle to die. I'm taking you back. You can still live. -I'm taking you back. You can still live. I had immense plans. -I had immense plans. I'm gonna get you out of here. -I'm gonna get you out of here. I was on threshold of great things. -My river... my people... my jungle... my ideas... my country... my wife... ... my death. You had immense plans... immense plans... -You had immense plans... immense plans... Yes... -Yes... I'm taking you back. -Did you know him very well? You get to know each other pretty well out there. -You get to know each other pretty well out there. And you admired him? -And you admired him? He was a remarkable man. It was impossible not to -- -He was a remarkable man. It was impossible not to -- Love him... Yes, it is true. That's the hard part for me... I knew him better than anyone ... I knew him best. -Love him... Yes, it is true. That's the hard part for me... I knew him better than anyone ... I knew him best. You knew him best. -You knew him best. You were his friend... You must have been, if he had given you this... If he sent you to his home. He was the best this country had -- he was -- -You were his friend... You must have been, if he had given you this... If he sent you to his home. He was the best this country had -- he was -- Yes, I know... -Yes, I know... I'll never get over it -- But I'll always remember him... -I'll never get over it -- But I'll always remember him... Both of us... -Both of us... Men looked up to him... He died as he lived... -Men looked up to him... He died as he lived... His death was -- yes, he died as he lived. -His death was -- yes, he died as he lived. Were you with him, when... -Were you with him, when... Yes I was... He said his last words to me. -Maybe he'll get tubed. What? -What? Maybe he'll get inside the tube -- where -- where they can't see him. -What's that? Just something I read in the Free Press. -He'll kill us. He can't kill us. We're on his side. -Are you finished surfing? Yeah... thanks. -Yeah... thanks. Want to say goodbye to the Colonel? -Want to say goodbye to the Colonel? Nah. -Nah. Then let's get the hell out of here. -No -- no, Captain. Which one's the Colonel's? -Which one's the Colonel's? The Yater -- the clear one with the thin stringer. -This one , Lance? Yeah, Jesus Christ ! -Maybe we better stay in under the trees till dark -- we got his Yater. He didn't look like he'd take that sitting down. -You hear it again? No -- I don't think so. But it'll be back. They were circling. It'll be back. -No -- I don't think so. But it'll be back. They were circling. It'll be back. You think he'd of shot us? -You think he'd of shot us? When? -When? Any time -- us -- Americans. -I don't think he'd of shot us on the beach but -- he'd of shot us if he saw me taking the board -- A Yater spoon is hard to get -- especially here. -A Yater spoon is hard to get -- especially here. He's a man who knows what he wants -- he does know what he wants. -Captain -- that was all true about the rats and chocolate and stuff? Sure. -Sure. And you could just tell when the supplies were booby trapped? -And you could just tell when the supplies were booby trapped? It's a feeling you get in the jungle. When you get good, you can find a track and tell not only how many they are, but their morale, how far they're going, whether they're near their camp, the weapons they're carrying. -What's this tiger shit? No shit... I think I shot the hell out of him. -No shit... I think I shot the hell out of him. You think? -You think? I wasn't looking.. I was running. -The other one -- No -- leave it -- -What? Bring your rifles, that's all. Take us to him. -Captain Willard? That's me. -That's me. Captain Willard -- we got these from Nha Thrang two days ago -- they expected you here then -- -You don't know how happy that makes me, sir. Why? -Why? Now I can get out a here -- if I can find a way out. -Now I can get out a here -- if I can find a way out. We'll be needing some supplies and fuel -- do you know anybody who can give me a hand? -We'll be needing some supplies and fuel -- do you know anybody who can give me a hand? I'd just clear out as soon as I could if I were you, sir. They're gonna start working on the bridge with torches again. Charlie will start throwing it in hard -- -I'd just clear out as soon as I could if I were you, sir. They're gonna start working on the bridge with torches again. Charlie will start throwing it in hard -- What is this bridge? -What is this bridge? It's of strategic importance for keeping the highway into Bat Shan open -- the generals don't like to admit that Bat Shan is surrounded. -This boat's a mess. Where's Kurtz? I want to talk to him. -Where's Kurtz? I want to talk to him. Oh, you don't talk to Colonel Kurtz. You listen to him. God, these are good. I kept these people off you, you know. It wasn't easy. -Oh, you don't talk to Colonel Kurtz. You listen to him. God, these are good. I kept these people off you, you know. It wasn't easy. Why did they attack us? -Why did they attack us? Simple. They don't want him to go. -Simple. They don't want him to go. You're Australian? -You're Australian? Pre-Australian, actually. But I'd dig goin' to California. I'm California dreamin'. -Pre-Australian, actually. But I'd dig goin' to California. I'm California dreamin'. So Kurtz is alive. -So Kurtz is alive. Kurtz. I tell you, that man has enlarged my mind. -But lemme tell you, he is the most dangerous thing in every way that I've come on so far. He wanted to shoot me. The first thing he said is, 'I'm going to shoot you because you are a deserter.' I said I didn't desert from your army, I deserted from my army. He said, 'I'm going to shoot you just the same.' Why didn't he shoot you? -Why didn't he shoot you? I've asked myself that question. I said to myself, why didn't he shoot me? He didn't shoot me, because I had a stash like you wouldn't believe. I hid it in the jungle; the wealth of the Orient: Marijuana -- Hashish -- Opium -- cocaine -- uncut Heroin; the Gold of the Golden Triangle. and Acid -- I make Koolaid that makes purple Owsley come on like piss. Now I'm Kurtz' own Disciple -- I listen he talks. About everything ! Everything. I forgot there's such a thing as sleep. Everything. Of love, too. -Sounds like he's gone crazy. No, Colonel Kurtz couldn't be crazy -- if you heard him talk, just last week, you'd never think he was crazy. -No, Colonel Kurtz couldn't be crazy -- if you heard him talk, just last week, you'd never think he was crazy. Is that where he is? By the shrunken heads. -Is that where he is? By the shrunken heads. Those heads, yes. Well, the rebels... -Those heads, yes. Well, the rebels... We're going ashore. Tie her up -- and leave your guns up, Lance. -Right on -- he's been waiting for -- And shut up. -Who are you? His name is... -His name is... I'm not ever goin' to tell you to shut up again. -May I ask where the Captain is going in his little boat? We were going upriver when we got caught in a storm, ma'am. -You must realize, Captain -- we have lost much here -- I, my husband. Gaston -- his wife and son. I'm sorry to hear that. -I'm sorry to hear that. Cognac? -Cognac? I should be checking on the boat. -I should be checking on the boat. The war will still be here tomorrow. -Do you miss your home, Captain? Have you someone there? No. Not really. -What will you do after the war? I just follow my footsteps, one at a time, trying to answer the little questions and staying away from the big ones. -I just follow my footsteps, one at a time, trying to answer the little questions and staying away from the big ones. What's a big question? -What's a big question? Kurtz. I know you've heard of him. -Kurtz. I know you've heard of him. Yes. -Yes. What did you hear? -What did you hear? That strange things.. terrible things have occured around this American, Kurtz. -That strange things.. terrible things have occured around this American, Kurtz. What things? -What things? Gaston would never tell me. It was asubject not to be spoken of, Captain. -Gaston would never tell me. It was asubject not to be spoken of, Captain. Yes. -Yes. Did you know -- deeper in the jungle, upriver -- there are savages? -Did you know -- deeper in the jungle, upriver -- there are savages? I know. -I know. But Captain, I mean -- cannibals. -Are you warm, Captain? The river is beautiful. -I'm afraid I won't have time -- I gotta -- Whe you reach the boat you will find that half your fifty calibre stores -- a case of grenades, a mortar and two M-16's and a case of clips are being transfered to us by your order. -So that's it. You may think what you wish, Captain, but I like you very much. -What if I say no. Then Philippe will have to kill all of you. -I don't know anything about these papers, sir. They're in order -- it's perfectly clean -- just check with ComSec- Intel like I said. -They're in order -- it's perfectly clean -- just check with ComSec- Intel like I said. Well, you know I don't have the priority to do that, sir. It says here not to contact Com-Sec- Int. Who's your commanding officer ? -Well, you know I don't have the priority to do that, sir. It says here not to contact Com-Sec- Int. Who's your commanding officer ? Right now -- I am. -Right now -- I am. Well who the hell verifies that ? -Well who the hell verifies that ? I do. -What show ? Big show in the parade grounds this noon -- some boss stuff -- -Big show in the parade grounds this noon -- some boss stuff -- This -- Bob Hope or the like -- -This -- Bob Hope or the like -- No sir, I think -- this'll be a little bit different -- -That's 27, sir. Anyone got a card? -Soldier -- where''s your C.O.? Stepped on a booby trap, sir -- got blown all to hell -- -Stepped on a booby trap, sir -- got blown all to hell -- Well , who's in command here? -Well , who's in command here? I don't know -- don't have any idea -- I'm just the night man -- -You came right to it, son of a bitch -- Son of a bitch, sir. -Where's your chief supply officer? Beverly Hills -- -Beverly Hills -- What? -What? Straight up the road -- a concrete bunker -- Beverly Hills -- where else you think he'd be? -Straight up the road -- a concrete bunker -- Beverly Hills -- where else you think he'd be? C'mon -- -20 CONTINUED: You can pack out of here -- two, three days' hike along this river at most. Weather should hold this early in the season. -23 CONTINUED: Needs patching. -Hard to work up an interest in politics, way we live. You're the first people we've seen in two weeks. 23 CONTINUED: -30 CONTINUED: Now, why don't you get around to saying what you want. -34 CONTINUED: Mind if I get some stuff from my kit? -See the blood? Pack of wolves took down a moose. Greedy, gut-ripping sons of bitches. I'd kill the last wolf on earth, right in front of the President of the U.S. Stinking, cowardly predator, the wolf. 89 CONTINUED: -102 CONTINUED: Wait 'til I'm across! -You talk about ecology -- there it is. 107 CONTINUED: -117 CONTINUED: Inside of three hours you'd be dragging my dead carcass. -134 CONTINUED: Used to see the natives eating roots when I was a kid in Nome. -First you save my ass, now you want to kill me. Make up your goddamn mind. 134 CONTINUED: -What makes you so sure my boys won't be waiting for us? 139 CONTINUED: -Remember that demon in the gut? Sometimes it's nothing more than wondering if the so-called civilized life has bred the balls and brains out of you. That's what you want out of this, isn't it? 150 CONTINUED: -Relax. I got a nervous man here with a magnum up my nose. 175 CONTINUED: -215 CONTINUED: So they can patch me up and put me in a cage? Forget it. Meyerling's right -- I'm a dinosaur. Greedy bastards like him, it's their turn with this land. Put me in the woods, let me live or die on my own. -Avalanche season is coming. 43 CONTINUED: -48 CONTINUED: I'll get you there all right. -Let's go. 94 CONTINUED: -95 CONTINUED: It'll be interesting, trying to build a fire without any wood. -113 CONTINUED: I just want this over with. -119 CONTINUED: How? Nobody this far north monitors that frequency until avalanche season. Besides, I'm surprised a tough guy like you uses fancy electronics. -...I won't let a killer walk! 157 CONTINUED: -165 CONTINUED: There isn't one, unless Corbett's men get here before the plane does. -165 CONTINUED: I'd sure like that favor you offered a while back. -You'll catch a chill by that dumb waiter shaft. Sit on the cot. Keep this pointed at him if I get preoccupied. 168 CONTINUED: -184 CONTINUED: Your infrared camera? -212 CONTINUED: Keep back. -26 CONTINUED: I was making my rounds, saw your hangar wide open, plane getting rained on, so I closed it up. -Watch it with Meyerling. Man's as mean and corrupt as they get. Cut his mother's throat if it'd get him a couple votes. 26 CONTINUED: -27 CONTINUED: Question is why they sat here when the storm moved in. Check their stuff while I sniff around. -A certain sonofabitch bastard -more- 28 CONTINUED: -39 CONTINUED: Back against the bars. Now. -How long have you been up north? Six months. -Six months. Can't be. Too keen a sense of this place in your pictures. -My dad was a Navy doctor. Knew you had no native blood, even with your dark hair. Blue eyes give you away. My wife had blue eyes. -Knew you had no native blood, even with your dark hair. Blue eyes give you away. My wife had blue eyes. Had? -Had? She's dead. -She's dead. Oh. -Oh. Had some good years. Met her in '66. She showed up one day in Coldfoot. No one knew her. One Sunday morning, she marched into a bar and announced she was available as a wife to the highest bidder. Didn't work out in three months, she'd return the money and leave, no hard feelings. My bid was eight thousand dollars. Beautiful girl. -Had some good years. Met her in '66. She showed up one day in Coldfoot. No one knew her. One Sunday morning, she marched into a bar and announced she was available as a wife to the highest bidder. Didn't work out in three months, she'd return the money and leave, no hard feelings. My bid was eight thousand dollars. Beautiful girl. How did she..? -How did she..? I was gone, in September, laying traplines. She went to our cache for some meat. Got mauled by a bear. Tore open her skull. -more- -What about you -- why come back? Classy girl like you seems more suited to the finer things. That's why I left, moved to Washington. When I met Eric I was doing day shoots -- products and fashion, mostly. Pretty dull. Eric was teaching college, and then he got the job with Northland Oil. We wanted to stay together, so we talked them into funding some wilderness photography... and here I am. -You should know something. I don't want to talk any more. -I don't want to talk any more. Wasn't my intention to hurt Wilder. I'm telling you the truth. I liked the man. I only meant to get loose... to survive. Your cheechako boyfriend better understand that. Listen, I've got some money put away -- -Have you talked to Eric? I have not, but I very much want to. What do you know about the trouble in Devil's Cauldron? -I have not, but I very much want to. What do you know about the trouble in Devil's Cauldron? I was hoping you had some news -- --- Get this straight: I'm the District Supervisor. Whatever you do reflects on me. It wasn't my idea to bring you people up here, but I'm stuck with you. You are absolutely not to involve yourself in any local disputes. Whichever side you take, you alienate the other. Mr. Corbett is quite well-known in this region. People admire him -- -- Corbett's a killer. -What happened here? The radio's on the fritz. -The radio's on the fritz. Where'd you say Eric is? -Where'd you say Eric is? Somewhere along the pipeline. -Somewhere along the pipeline. What about that hotheaded marshal, Sam Wilder? I heard he was in the middle of this mess. -What about that hotheaded marshal, Sam Wilder? I heard he was in the middle of this mess. Sam? We haven't seen him. -Sam? We haven't seen him. Really. I thought maybe that was his snowmobile outside. By the way -- your truck also 'on the fritz?' -Really. I thought maybe that was his snowmobile outside. By the way -- your truck also 'on the fritz?' Why? -Why? It's out by the pumping station, shot full of holes. -He's coming around fine. Be right back. I left my camcorder in the car. -What are you doing? He still might be around. I saw fresh tire tracks coming in. -Stay here. Be careful -- there're two of them. -Great idea -- pointing a lousy dart gun at some nut with a high-powered hunting rifle. Bastards took off, though, didn't they? -Thanks. I bet you haven't had lunch. -I call it 'the Turtle,' as in carrying your home on your back. Best thing is, Meyerling has to chase around to find us. -Best thing is, Meyerling has to chase around to find us. The little creep hates it that Eric actually does what the company hired him to do. -I'll go into town with you. Eric, leave it alone. It's not your business. -Eric, leave it alone. It's not your business. No way can he get away with this. I'll be back by tonight. -Did you catch Corbett? Sure did. He was one of the trappers we rousted from the Haul Road. -Sure did. He was one of the trappers we rousted from the Haul Road. Was there any trouble? -Was there any trouble? He was sitting in a hot tub with a hooker. -He was sitting in a hot tub with a hooker. Going after killers isn't the same as chasing poachers, Eric. -Going after killers isn't the same as chasing poachers, Eric. Can't help myself. Corbett's type always pisses me off. Oh, I found this at the post office. Had your name on it. -Oh, sweetheart. It's beautiful! You were looking at it in the catalog. Don't know where you can wear it... -You were looking at it in the catalog. Don't know where you can wear it... I'll wear it for you. And I can wear it when we go home. We won't be here forever. -I'll wear it for you. And I can wear it when we go home. We won't be here forever. You make it sound like a prison sentence. -You make it sound like a prison sentence. That's not what I meant. -That's not what I meant. It's exactly what you meant. -It's exactly what you meant. Look, why get into this again. As long as it's working, let's leave it alone. It's been nice so far. We're together -- -Look, why get into this again. As long as it's working, let's leave it alone. It's been nice so far. We're together -- -- Permanently? --- Permanently? Do I want to be with you permanently? Yes, I think I do. But be with what you do and the way you live? That I don't know. C'mon, Eric, until I met you, coming back to Alaska was totally -I still can't believe I'm being financed by an oil company. Especially when they get a look at these pictures. Technology in the wilderness; not too pretty. What's that? I thought I should check our emergency transmitters. -Winter. Two straight months of night -- we may never get out of bed. Which would suit me fine. Prolonged darkness makes people crazy. -Prolonged darkness makes people crazy. Not me. I'm equipped. -High-tech in the wilderness. Gets me excited, too. Come here... -Let's go. Wait a second. -Maybe you should drive him into Devil's Cauldron, let them decide what to do with him. Fairbanks is a three-hour flight. I'll be back by dinnertime. -Be careful, okay? That's my line. -Oh, Christ, sweetheart. Four days! I thought you were dead, or worse. You can't stay here. Go back to the Turtle. I'll meet you back there in a few hours. -You can't stay here. Go back to the Turtle. I'll meet you back there in a few hours. What's going on? -What's going on? I'll tell you everything later. -I'll tell you everything later. Where's Corbett? -Where's Corbett? Here. A transport plane is due at eleven. Once I put him on it, it's all over. -Here. A transport plane is due at eleven. Once I put him on it, it's all over. So what's the problem? -Please, Anne Marie, you being here only complicates things. I'm staying. -You're hurt. Nothing broken. C'mon, we have to hurry. -Technology in the wilderness. Only problem is talking to you on your way to the landing strip. I've got an idea. We'll have to work fast. -When you ran off, I thought you'd keep going 'til you were back home in Washington. My home is here. With you. -Leave it here. Let's keep going. We're only an hour from Devil's Cauldron. -Let's keep going. We're only an hour from Devil's Cauldron. Relax. I just want to ask them how the hunting is. -Had no choice... ...Given the situation. I know. Least you didn't shoot all of them. -Go ahead. Take the jeep. I'll come to Cache with Bob when he gets here. Okay by me. You're the one likes these hot springs so much. -Okay by me. You're the one likes these hot springs so much. Leave my traps. We'll tag up, couple days. -You got two counts against you -- trapping out of season and poaching on restricted land. Can't be much of a crime, if all they got minding the area is a cocky kid. -Can't be much of a crime, if all they got minding the area is a cocky kid. I got your plate number, asshole. Maybe you feel like spending a few months in jail. -Ben Corbett? Yep. Afraid you have me at a disadvantage. -Yep. Afraid you have me at a disadvantage. Kenai at the general store asked me to bring these. Didn't expect we'd already met. -Kenai at the general store asked me to bring these. Didn't expect we'd already met. No big deal. We just got off on the wrong foot. What's your name? -Desmond. New to the country, kid? -New to the country, kid? Six months. Ecological study for Northland Oil. -Six months. Ecological study for Northland Oil. Ecology. Folks use that term for everything but what it means: who's eating who. -Nice bluff the other day with the tranquilizer gun out your jeep window. See you again, maybe. Yeah. Maybe so. -A lot to ask, dragging him away from such a good-looking girl -- -- To take you to jail? It'll be my pleasure. -Does he have people? A daughter in Oregon. -A daughter in Oregon. Send him down to her. There's money in my duffel bag, back at his cabin. -Surviving is what I know -- -- Killing is what you know. Pack some food while I prep for the flight. I'm sure not gonna let him go. -How the hell were they smart enough to find us? Smart? Sure. That's why I'm sitting in this plane and they're down there blowing me kisses. -Been driving long? I needed a pilot's license to take the job here, so I got one in six weeks. -I needed a pilot's license to take the job here, so I got one in six weeks. That makes the flight more interesting. -Sounds like professional jealousy. Hunting and trapping was a damn fine life. Me and Mitchell, Bob and LeMalle, we were teams. I'd always go with Mitchell. Good man, Mitchell. I'd let Bob worry about goddamn LeMalle. We'd hire a plane in October. On the way to a dirt airstrip somewhere, we'd drop supplies. We'd land, tell the pilot to come back for us a few days before Christmas. -Stay put! You got the belly to look me in the eye and pull the trigger? -Next time you want to kill yourself, don't include me. I took the odds on getting down in one piece, and I made it. Now we're in my territory. -I took the odds on getting down in one piece, and I made it. Now we're in my territory. With light clothing and no supplies, this is nobody's territory. -With light clothing and no supplies, this is nobody's territory. You sound like the tourists. Know-it-alls who read about survival in a magazine. Fuck you. You won't make it off this mountain. -I'm not gonna carry you out of here. That's right. You're not. -That's right. You're not. Look, take these cuffs off. We need to work together. -Why in hell you care enough about me to die taking me in? I don't plan on dying. -We'll stop here, dig out a snow shelter. Snow shelter. Okay. You dig. I'll have a little sit-down. -Still quite a hike to Devil's Cauldron. Days. A long stretch to go without sleep, my friend. You can hide behind that pistol for now, but take your eyes off me long enough to sneeze -- -- Turn around. -Ice is too thin -- you can see the water moving underneath. We're not sitting here 'til November. There's a cargo plane coming to Devil's Cauldron in four days, and I'm putting you on it. -We're not sitting here 'til November. There's a cargo plane coming to Devil's Cauldron in four days, and I'm putting you on it. We get wet, we freeze to death in a couple hours. -We get wet, we freeze to death in a couple hours. I've been on ice like this when I was a kid, skating. Spread your weight, keep moving. Go on. -Be my guest. I'm right behind you. -Most dangerous thing in the world: A regular Joe, in over his head. You trying to prove how tough you are for me, or for yourself? It wasn't my idea to crash the plane. -It wasn't my idea to crash the plane. Let's camp. There's grayling under this ice. I'll snare some for dinner. -Let's camp. There's grayling under this ice. I'll snare some for dinner. We've got another two hours of daylight. -We've got another two hours of daylight. Pushing it is flat wrong. All you prove is your ignorance about breaking trail. -Have to backtrack, find another way down. Forget it. It would take days. -Forget it. It would take days. Going to be a bit of a challenge with handcuffs on. -Damn lucky this storm didn't blow down when we were on those baldheaded mountains. It continues, we better stay put. It could blow over tomorrow, too. -It could blow over tomorrow, too. I'm still figuring: You're either real brave or real dumb. -Where in hell Meyerling dig you up? You know Meyerling? -You know Meyerling? Sure. The People's Friend. Kiss your ass with precision if there's a vote in it. -Sure love to know where you fit in up here. I'm here to do my job. -I'm here to do my job. You want to fool yourself about that bullshit job, fine. Damn shame you have to drag your girlfriend along. You think a woman like that will be happy making moose stew for a man -more- -Folks come to Alaska for a real short list of reasons: Money. Adventure. Solitude. Those cover most everyone. But frontiers also draw another type of man. One with a demon in his gut. He comes to the edge of the world to face that demon, and lay it to rest. Yeah? -Yeah? Yep. Sometimes they do, but usually they end up crazy or dead. -There's a cabin, maybe twenty miles south of here. Too bad we're heading west. -Too bad we're heading west. There's a snowmobile. Inside a day we could be on the Yukon. I got money there. Remember that five thousand? Make it ten. Be smart. Take it and walk away. -There's a snowmobile. Inside a day we could be on the Yukon. I got money there. Remember that five thousand? Make it ten. Be smart. Take it and walk away. You don't get it, do you? -Have to get these wet things off. You're not going to slow us down! Keep moving! -Stay awake! You want to go hypothermic? If that means freeze my balls off, no thanks. I'll be okay. -Told you I'm fine! How many do you see? -How many do you see? What?! Fuck off. Save yourself. -What?! Fuck off. Save yourself. You don't feel cold? -You don't feel cold? It's a spring day... -Stay still. Where's my ELT? -Where's my ELT? Emergency transmitter? All your gear is back at Wilder's. -Emergency transmitter? All your gear is back at Wilder's. You got one? -You got one? It was blown up with the plane. -It was blown up with the plane. Too bad. We'd be out of here in a few hours. -I'm hungry. Go kill me some dinner. An appetite. Maybe you won't die after all. -An appetite. Maybe you won't die after all. Hate to disappoint you. -Nome? I figure you'd be a whaler, coming from there. Told that's what our old man was. Planned on going to sea, me and Bob, 'til I read Jack London. Started trapping when I was ten. Mailed the furs to Sears. Eight bucks for a skunk, three for a muskrat. That was fine money. -Told that's what our old man was. Planned on going to sea, me and Bob, 'til I read Jack London. Started trapping when I was ten. Mailed the furs to Sears. Eight bucks for a skunk, three for a muskrat. That was fine money. Killing wildlife not good enough anymore, so you go on to bigger and better things. -Killing wildlife not good enough anymore, so you go on to bigger and better things. You got a knack for seeing things the way you want to see them. -Don't judge me. You're a joke, coming here from a fucked-up culture, telling us what to do! Yeah, it is fucked up -- but it's not too late to keep that from happening here. -Yeah, it is fucked up -- but it's not too late to keep that from happening here. All you do is keep folks from working the land, living like they're meant to. You don't understand shit! Trappers, hunters -- we're part of the environment. Who's protecting us? I've seen plenty like you. So -more- -What do you know about people? You live like an animal! A savage goddamn throwback like you belongs out here, as far away from the rest of us as possible. I'm real sad you don't approve of me. -Don't push me..! Cowardly bastard. I'm in handcuffs and I still scare the piss out of you. -They think you're in Fairbanks. If not, they still won't find you before the plane comes tomorrow. Don't bet on it. -Don't bet on it. I already have. -I already have. You don't know how true that is. -Maybe...maybe not. I'll tell you what scares me -- stumbling through life, like an ordinary jerk. That's why I want to work on the front lines, where what I do means something. Soon as I got here, I realized my job was bullshit. Oil company propaganda. I was ready to leave, then I thought screw it, I'll outsmart them, do the work anyway. I don't know anymore. Maybe I am fooling myself. That's what I'm afraid of most of all. Hell, I still get a knot in my gut every season, wondering how much longer I can go on. No 'Home for Retired Trappers' that -more- -Talk to that good-looking girl of yours? You broke the radio, remember? -You broke the radio, remember? I'm sure she's fine. Seemed like a clever kid. -You were real resourceful out there. Got me thinking of this perimeter man, froze all his fingers one winter. So he hacked the tips off and sharpened the exposed bones. Gets along better than ever. Yeah, maybe I underestimated you. I liked you better frozen. You didn't talk so much. -I liked you better frozen. You didn't talk so much. You're damn lucky, glimpsing this country before it's ruined, gone for good. You saw wonders you'd only dreamed of. That alone makes you different than the sorry bastards back where you came from, because you have dreamt them. -Emergency transmitter? What happened to signal mirrors or two-tone smoke fires? Lets us watch each other's backs over a wide area. Only thing messed me up this time was getting arrested in the baths. ELT was in my duffel bag, not around my neck where it should've been. -Lets us watch each other's backs over a wide area. Only thing messed me up this time was getting arrested in the baths. ELT was in my duffel bag, not around my neck where it should've been. No way they'll find you on a five-minute signal. And no way -more- -Maybe you can talk sense into your boyfriend. Shut up! -Answer and I'll shoot! You kill me, you sign your death warrant. And hers. -Snow's to their advantage, kid. You can't see them, but soon as that plane comes, they'll sure as hell know where we're going. Wise up. Take me to the Yukon. I'll give you that money and guarantee you'll walk away. Why offer a buyoff with your gunmen waiting outside? -Why offer a buyoff with your gunmen waiting outside? The time has passed for men like them and me. I know it. But they're still fighting for survival, like cornered animals. That's why they'll kill you. -more- -Can you walk? Wound's a through-and-through. Missed my liver, I think. -Wound's a through-and-through. Missed my liver, I think. Let's get out of here. -How come you didn't let him shoot me? Like I said, I'd still be up on that mountain, frozen solid, it wasn't for you. -Like I said, I'd still be up on that mountain, frozen solid, it wasn't for you. We'll get you to a hospital, soon as we get to Fairbanks. -Look down there, tell me what any of this matters. Struggles of men get swallowed by the bigness. Soon there won't be a trace of our troubles... or us. You're wrong. Everything we do leaves its mark. You said it yourself -- there are hundred- year-old footprints in the tundra. -Hullo, Sam. Slow day? Ben...boys. Yeah, real slow, and I'd like to keep it that way. -Ben...boys. Yeah, real slow, and I'd like to keep it that way. Just passing through. -Relax. One more day without drink won't kill you. Right, Sam? I'm living proof of that sad fact. -I'm living proof of that sad fact. Can we buy the Marshal some dinner? -Can we buy the Marshal some dinner? No, I better stay at my post. -You wouldn't shoot anyone... But I would. -All this for laying traps on private land? You left a footprint at the Sportsmen's camp. Only pretty sight there, Ben, 'cause the two men you didn't shoot and mutilate died of exposure. -Christ if I shouldn't know better than to step in soft earth. I've seen footprints in the tundra a hundred years old. I got it from here. Thanks. -I got it from here. Thanks. Sam, give Dixie here fifty bucks out of my kit, will you? -Sam, listen -- I shot to defend my man. Other guy drew first. If that was all, fine. But carving him up, stranding the others, that's too fucking much. Is everything that walks, crawls, flies or swims fair game to you? -If that was all, fine. But carving him up, stranding the others, that's too fucking much. Is everything that walks, crawls, flies or swims fair game to you? I'll get loose before that plane comes. -I'll get loose before that plane comes. Don't try me. I'll kill you if it comes to it. -You better get some sleep. Good idea. Flying over mountains can give you some nasty surprises. Go too low, one of the clouds might have a big rock inside it. -Goddammit, I don't need this aggravation. I'll shoot you, Ben. Bank on it. I don't want to hurt you, Sam. -I don't want to hurt you, Sam. I'm not too old to knock the snot out of you! -I'm not too old to knock the snot out of you! Nothing personal. -I need to rent a cabin. What's the problem with Sam Wilder's place? -What's the problem with Sam Wilder's place? Will you rent me a cabin, or not? -Will you rent me a cabin, or not? Pretty clever: If the trappers got that signal beacon and get here in time, Sam's is the first place they'll look. They may figure you're waiting for an airplane, so you can't stay in the shack by the airstrip. Last place they'd expect you is on the far side of town. I can't afford any trouble -- -Pretty clever: If the trappers got that signal beacon and get here in time, Sam's is the first place they'll look. They may figure you're waiting for an airplane, so you can't stay in the shack by the airstrip. Last place they'd expect you is on the far side of town. I can't afford any trouble -- -- Here's a hundred dollars. And if you or anyone else will back me up on this -- --- Here's a hundred dollars. And if you or anyone else will back me up on this -- -- Forget it. And try not to bleed on my throw rugs. Why do this? --- Forget it. And try not to bleed on my throw rugs. Why do this? If you have to ask, you wouldn't understand. -Mr. Desmond! Arthur Neff. Area rep for the Federal Assistance Plan. Tell the boys in DC to keep those goodies coming. Sure. -Sure. Snowplow, generator, TV dish... hell, we get the goddamn Playboy Channel! Here, this is for you. -You don't mind me saying, Mr. Desmond, you look like hell. Have you heard anything from the girl staying with me, Anne Marie? -Have you heard anything from the girl staying with me, Anne Marie? Not a damn thing. What's going on? Mr. Meyerling was here, all steamed up, looking for you. -Not a damn thing. What's going on? Mr. Meyerling was here, all steamed up, looking for you. Look, Neff, I've got Ben Corbett with me -- -Look, Neff, I've got Ben Corbett with me -- -- Here?! Where's Wilder? --- Here?! Where's Wilder? Back at my place... he, uh, broke his leg. -If Corbett's men find out -- -- I'm putting him on the plane to Fairbanks, eleven tomorrow. --- I'm putting him on the plane to Fairbanks, eleven tomorrow. Jiminy Christmas. What do you want from me? -Jiminy Christmas. What do you want from me? Corbett ruined my two-way. Go to my place on the Haul Road, tell Anne Marie I'm okay and to sit tight. -What's wrong? Just stay out of my face until I'm gone! -I was just on my way to your ladyfriend's, but I guess she found you. Yeah. Sorry I barked at you last night. -Yeah. Sorry I barked at you last night. I'm the one should be sorry... Goddamn Kenai, always out for a score. I never should've let him go over there. -Look, Mr. Desmond, I didn't count on it turning this ugly. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Bastards killed Sam, you think they won't kill the rest of us? -Bastards killed Sam, you think they won't kill the rest of us? There'll be three, four men at the most. I have some backup, nothing will happen. -There'll be three, four men at the most. I have some backup, nothing will happen. I'm real sorry. In a while, you're gone from this country. But we live here. No one wants to mix it up with those hombres. -You don't care enough about Sam to -- -- Sam Wilder was my cousin. He's why I came to Alaska. All his letters, saying what a paradise it is. But me ending up dead won't do Sam a lick of good. -Neff, you know better than this... You're an outsider, Mr. Desmond. Step aside; stay out of it. -Alleged killer. What does this matter to you? -What does this matter to you? You can't see past your lousy little assignment, sniffing around the pipeline. The few voters there are in this district look up to Corbett, and I'm not about to alienate them. -You can't see past your lousy little assignment, sniffing around the pipeline. The few voters there are in this district look up to Corbett, and I'm not about to alienate them. I should release Corbett because you want some votes? -I should release Corbett because you want some votes? This miserable wilderness is a state of the union. Policy's made here the same way as in the civilized world: at the ballot box. That's the beauty of it -- these icebox cowboys are living a century too late. Get them on your side, it's like buying Manhattan for beads. With a handful of votes you control the greatest frontier since white men stumbled onto the New World. -This miserable wilderness is a state of the union. Policy's made here the same way as in the civilized world: at the ballot box. That's the beauty of it -- these icebox cowboys are living a century too late. Get them on your side, it's like buying Manhattan for beads. With a handful of votes you control the greatest frontier since white men stumbled onto the New World. Some day these people'll wake up, and you'll be the first one they'll run out of here. -Nobody wants any more killings; we all agree to that, correct? That's good. Now, Eric, you're gonna hand your prisoner over to us. Fuck you. -Fuck you. This isn't your concern. It's over, here and now. -Bet you're right. But I didn't come by to wangle a meal -- -- We appreciate the company. Anne Marie's getting cabin fever already. -What'd you say they call these spaceships? Mobile Arctic Dwelling -- MAD. -Hey, Sam, look over there. Black and white smoke. Damn. Likely that's an SOS. Have to pass on that lunch. -Damn. Likely that's an SOS. Have to pass on that lunch. We'll go with you. -I'm too old for this shit. Any idea who could've done it? -...You give us a ride in the Cessna you got hangared at the pumping station, we'll be in Fairbanks in a few hours. That's what we should've done in the first place. -That's what we should've done in the first place. I could've sat tight for the transport, 'til Bob came poking around. -Wilder's missing church services; you believe it? I just as soon he stay gone. Fool could've got us all killed, arresting Ben Corbett here in town. -Why the smirk? Bet I could make some money turning Ben Corbett in. Maybe more for lettin' him loose. I was up in my cache. Saw the Northland man come talk to you. -Bet I could make some money turning Ben Corbett in. Maybe more for lettin' him loose. I was up in my cache. Saw the Northland man come talk to you. You're out of your greedy goddamn mind. -You're out of your greedy goddamn mind. Corbett coming here stinks of trouble. We should make the best of it before it turns around and bites us in the ass. -Corbett coming here stinks of trouble. We should make the best of it before it turns around and bites us in the ass. Stay out of it. -He saw you and Corbett come in... Dixie's waiting at the infirmary. She'll put a splint on that injured leg. -Dead. Trappers killed him. Aw, Jesus. Told you this was trouble. What about you, big shot? Do something. Who's side are you on, anyway? -LeMalle. We got a problem. Where's Mitchell? Goddamn! Viking Bob! Mitchell's inside, boring bastard... -There you go. Wilder's always chummy with the fuckin' Bambi-lovers. It's a long shot. -I called the cops in Fairbanks, see when Ben is standing trial. They don't know shit about Ben or Wilder! Get the fuck out of here. -Get the fuck out of here. It's a three-hour flight. They shoulda got there yesterday. -It's a three-hour flight. They shoulda got there yesterday. Maybe they went back to Devil's Cauldron. -Go easy. Cool out. I ain't about to get blasted. -I ain't gonna leave a seven- hundred-dollar Remington behind. What you gonna do with it? Large bore's for shit on small game. -What you gonna do with it? Large bore's for shit on small game. Not in the right hands it ain't. -Thought that door was open last night... Quit fucking around. Get in. -Look, we pull Ben's ass out of the fire, I'll get you a whole damn crate of Snickers bars. I'm right fuckin' here with you. -You hear me? Ben? Ease off. We do this my way. -Kenai's PA -- but how the fuck she seein' us? Doesn't matter. We know where they're going. C'mon. -...Ben never sent a signal. Musta never got a chance to -more- -Meaning he'll need a plane. Closest planes for hire are here in Cache. -Closest planes for hire are here in Cache. Hang on... Remember that Cessna we saw at the pumping station on the Haul Road? Belongs to the guy they got patrolling the pipeline. -Naah, Wilder knows we got friends in town. That plane might've been to throw us off the track. Remember the bait-and-switch Wilder pulled with the Eskimo and his truck? -Okay, let's backtrack, try to pick up his trail. You know the kid out on the pipeline that Wilder's buddies with? We were just talking about him. -It's Sam Wilder! Musta wanted to keep him from the bears. If Ben killed him, he sure as hell wouldn't hang him up like this. -Musta wanted to keep him from the bears. If Ben killed him, he sure as hell wouldn't hang him up like this. Where's the kid? -There's what they're waiting on! They'll have to come right past us. -This is Sam Wilder, Marshal in Devil's Cauldron. Had some killings here. I got a suspect; be real nice if someone came and took him off my hands. On a good day I couldn't spare a crosswalk guard. But now, no way. Folks're batshit with the weather turning sour. Bring him in yourself. -On a good day I couldn't spare a crosswalk guard. But now, no way. Folks're batshit with the weather turning sour. Bring him in yourself. Next plane's not coming 'til next Monday. -Next plane's not coming 'til next Monday. Sit your suspect out in the cold. He'll keep. -Sit your suspect out in the cold. He'll keep. This man's friends ain't gonna look favorably on his incarceration. -This man's friends ain't gonna look favorably on his incarceration. So shoot him. Won't have to feed him that way -- -I didn't know you had a secret admire. Huh? -Huh? You met the gift. -There is a seriously goofy man behind this. You are not allowed to block out that fact. Do you really want to go back to the runt doctors in Emergency who keep telling us they can't help? -Do you really want to go back to the runt doctors in Emergency who keep telling us they can't help? It lets a crazy man into our lives. -It lets a crazy man into our lives. Come on. Why fight when we know how it will come out. This isn't like stocking or a string of pearls. You don't send this one back. -You're not still writing that thank-you note? I'm on the last page. How do you spell conscience? -I'm on the last page. How do you spell conscience? C-o-n-s-c-i-e-n-c-e. I got Sean from the bakery to baby-sit so let's go out. -C-o-n-s-c-i-e-n-c-e. I got Sean from the bakery to baby-sit so let's go out. I still don't feel safe leaving Spencer with someone. How do you spell it again? -I still don't feel safe leaving Spencer with someone. How do you spell it again? Spencer is okay. You'd better start finding something else to do with your free time. If you can't feel good about this break and step out a little... You ought to get Mr. Udall to send you over a psychiatrist. -Spencer is okay. You'd better start finding something else to do with your free time. If you can't feel good about this break and step out a little... You ought to get Mr. Udall to send you over a psychiatrist. I don't need one 'cause I know what's really going on here. I have to finish this letter or I'll go nuts. This can't be right -- con- science. -I don't know... It's very strange not feeling that stupid panic thing inside you all the time. Without that you just start thinking about yourself -- and what does that ever get anybody. Today, on the bus there was this adorable couple and I felt myself giving them a dirty look -- I had no idea everything was... Go ahead. -Go ahead. ... moving in the wrong direction... Away from when I even remembered what it was like to have a man to... anything... hold fucking -- sorry -- hands with, for Christ's sake. I was feeling like really bad that Dr. Bettes is married. Which is probably why I make poor Spencer hug me more than he wants to... Like the poor kid doesn't have enough problems. He has to make up for his mom not getting any. Oh, boy. Who needs these thoughts? -... moving in the wrong direction... Away from when I even remembered what it was like to have a man to... anything... hold fucking -- sorry -- hands with, for Christ's sake. I was feeling like really bad that Dr. Bettes is married. Which is probably why I make poor Spencer hug me more than he wants to... Like the poor kid doesn't have enough problems. He has to make up for his mom not getting any. Oh, boy. Who needs these thoughts? Spencer's doing fine. So what are you saying, that you're frustr... -Spencer's doing fine. So what are you saying, that you're frustr... Leave me be! Why are you doing this? Why are you picking at my sores... What is it that you want?... You want what? What's with you? I hope getting me thinking of everything that's wrong when all I want is to not do this has some purpose. What is it, Mom? No kidding. -What is it you want? What? I want us to go out. -How was it talking to him? Stop treating this like I'm going away with a man. He's just going to say those crappy, sick, complaining, angry things to me. I hate this, Mom -- I hate this. He's a freak show -- the worst person I ever met. -Stop treating this like I'm going away with a man. He's just going to say those crappy, sick, complaining, angry things to me. I hate this, Mom -- I hate this. He's a freak show -- the worst person I ever met. Well, maybe he has nice friends. -Call me as soon as you're settled. I love you. -Stop it!! Why can't I have a normal boyfriend??? Why? Get out of here. Just a regular boyfriend who doesn't go nuts on me... Everybody wants that, dear -- it doesn't exit... Sorry... didn't mean to interrupt. -I'm sorry. Don't be silly. How bad? -Don't be silly. How bad? Not bad. -Hi... Did you know there are doctors who come to your house? No, I didn't. So why are you h... -He's good... And I'm an expert on doctors. Stay out of this... Doctor? -Do you love me? Uh-huh. -What? Please? Now? Tell me?! Mrs. Connelly. I'm Martin Bettes ... Dr. Bettes. -Mrs. Connelly. I'm Martin Bettes ... Dr. Bettes. Not your name... what are you telling me your name for!! Where is he? -Not your name... what are you telling me your name for!! Where is he? He's in the bathroom... He's fine. -He's in the bathroom... He's fine. Tell me how bad it is. I let him go out last night when it was so cool without an overshirt -- just and underone with just the straps and I know better... and I let him talk me into it. He was whining and... you don't need this. Give me a second to catch hold. -My wife is Melvin Udall's publisher. She says I have to take great care of this guy because you're urgently needed back at work. What work do you do? I'm a waitress. -How long has he been having problems? Since forever. -Since forever. Have they done blood tests on him? -Have they done blood tests on him? Yes. -Yes. Only in the emergency room or when he was well. -Only in the emergency room or when he was well. Emergency room only. -Emergency room only. Have they done skin testing for allergies? -Have they done skin testing for allergies? No. -No. They haven't done the standard scratch test. Where they make small injections into the skin? -They haven't done the standard scratch test. Where they make small injections into the skin? No. I asked. They said it's not covered under my plan. And it's not necessary anyway. -No. I asked. They said it's not covered under my plan. And it's not necessary anyway. It's amazing these things weren't done. -It's amazing these things weren't done. Fucking H.M.O. bastard piece of shit... I'm sorry... forgive me. -Fucking H.M.O. bastard piece of shit... I'm sorry... forgive me. No. Actually, I think that's their technical name. -No. Actually, I think that's their technical name. Once the tests come back, is there someone I can reach in your office for the results? -Once the tests come back, is there someone I can reach in your office for the results? Me. My home number is on this card. -Me. My home number is on this card. His home number. -Do you want some juice or coffee or two female slaves? Water... Nobody told you it might be a good idea to remove the carpeting and drapes in Spencer's room? -Water... Nobody told you it might be a good idea to remove the carpeting and drapes in Spencer's room? No. -Doc!!! So listen, you gotta let me know about the additional costs -- one way or the other we'll... They're considerable. But Mr. Udall wants to be billed. -I'm starving. Will you please take it? -I know. He's just the best. I've got Jews at my table. -I've got Jews at my table. It's not your table. It's the place's table. Behave. This once, you can sit at someone else's station. -The table's fine if it had some cholesterol on it. Two sausages, six bacon strips, fries, three eggs over easy and coffee. You're gonna die soon with that diet, you know that? -You're gonna die soon with that diet, you know that? We're all gonna die soon. I will. You will. It sure sounds like your son will. -"Clippity clop -- clippity clop -- she has to pretend she doesn't hear me. Listening to the story from the upset friend... now she drops off the cappuccino and smiles at the putzette who doesn't even say, ""Thank you."" No, the putzette wanted the whipped cream so back she goes and now she has to pass him again and it's getting tougher to make believe." Okay. -What's with the plastic picnic ware? Why not try ours... afraid it isn't clean? I see the help -- judgement call. -I see the help -- judgement call. "Just give yourself a little pep talk. ""Must try other people's clean silverware as part of the fun of dining out.""" -"Just give yourself a little pep talk. ""Must try other people's clean silverware as part of the fun of dining out.""" What's wrong with your son, anyway? -What's wrong with your son, anyway? What do you care? -He's gotta fight to breathe. His asthma can just shoot off the charts -- he's allergic to dust and this is New York and his immune system bails on him when there's trouble so an ear infection... Is this bothering you? No. -No. An ear infection can send us to the emergency room -- maybe five, six times a month where I get whatever nine-year-old they just made a doctor. Nice chatting with you. -An ear infection can send us to the emergency room -- maybe five, six times a month where I get whatever nine-year-old they just made a doctor. Nice chatting with you. His name? -His name? Spencer. -Spencer. Okay. -Okay. Spence. -So what are you doing with a dog? Suckered in. Set up. Pushed around. -Suckered in. Set up. Pushed around. You're not worried that someone might take him? -You're not worried that someone might take him? Well, not until now -- for Christ's sake. -Well, not until now -- for Christ's sake. Sorry. -Sorry. It's okay -- I'll sit here. -You know he's a little dog. Next time, if Bryan's not here, you can bring him in. How old are you? -How old are you? Oh, please... -Oh, please... If I had to guess by your eyes, I'd say you were fifty. -And if I had to guess by your eyes. I'd say you were kind. So, so much for eyes. But as long as you bring up age... how old are you? Otherwise, you're not ugly. -Otherwise, you're not ugly. Okay, pal... I accept the compliment, but go easy -- my knees start a-knocking when you turn on the charm full blast. -Okay, pal... I accept the compliment, but go easy -- my knees start a-knocking when you turn on the charm full blast. What's with the dark? -Last week I was playing the piano for him and he likes it, and so I decide I'm going to make a little joke... You all set here? -I'm hungry. You've upset my whole day. I haven't eaten. What are you doing here? -This is not a sexist thing. If you were a waiter I would still be here saying... Are you totally gone? This is my private home... -Are you totally gone? This is my private home... I am trying to keep emotions out of this. Even though this is an important issue to me and I have strong feelings about the subject. -I am trying to keep emotions out of this. Even though this is an important issue to me and I have strong feelings about the subject. What subject? That I wasn't there to take crap from you and bring you eggs? Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get? -What subject? That I wasn't there to take crap from you and bring you eggs? Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get? Yes, I do, as a matter of fact... and to prove it I have not gotten personal and you have. Why aren't you at work? You're not sick -- you don't look sick... just very tired and bitter. -Yes, I do, as a matter of fact... and to prove it I have not gotten personal and you have. Why aren't you at work? You're not sick -- you don't look sick... just very tired and bitter. My son is sick, okay? -What about your mother? How do you know about my mother? -How do you know about my mother? I hear you talk when I'm waiting!!! -Sorry, honey... I'll be right there. How ya doing? -Yeah, yeah... any chance you'll get back to work today? No!!! Stay away from me! -Uh, Udall? Carol the waitress? -Carol the waitress? Yes. -The doctors had your billing address. I'm sorry about the hour. I was working... can't you just drop me a thank-you note? -I was working... can't you just drop me a thank-you note? That's not why I'm here... ... though you have no idea what it's like to have a real conversation with a doctor about Spencer... -That's not why I'm here... ... though you have no idea what it's like to have a real conversation with a doctor about Spencer... Note. Put it in the note. -Note. Put it in the note. Why did yo do this for me? -Why did yo do this for me? To get you back at work so you can wait on me. -To get you back at work so you can wait on me. But you do have some idea how strange that sounds??? I'm worried that you did this because... -You waiting for me to say something? What sort of thing do you want? Look, I'll be at the restaurant tomorrow. I don't think I can wait until tomorrow. This needs clearing up. -I don't think I can wait until tomorrow. This needs clearing up. What needs clearing up? -What needs clearing up? I'm not going to sleep with you. I will never, ever sleep with you. Never. Not ever. -I'm not kidding. Okay!!!! Anything else?!? -Okay!!!! Anything else?!? Just how grateful I am. -So you'll be at work? Yes. -What's this? A thank-you note for what you did for me. -Getting loud, getting loud. He wants me to take his car and his client to Baltimore. -He wants me to take his car and his client to Baltimore. I want your life for a minute where my big problem is someone offers me a free convertible so I can get out of this city. -So. Anything else? Yes. I'm going to give my queer neighbor a lift to Baltimore. -Yes. I'm going to give my queer neighbor a lift to Baltimore. Okay. -Okay. Hey, what I did for you is working out? -Hey, what I did for you is working out? What you did changed my life. -No... no thank you notes. Well, part of what I said in this entire history of my life which you won't read is that somehow you've done more for my mother, my son and me, than anyone else ever has... And that makes you the most important, surprising, generous person I've ever met and that you be in our daily prayers forever. -Well, part of what I said in this entire history of my life which you won't read is that somehow you've done more for my mother, my son and me, than anyone else ever has... And that makes you the most important, surprising, generous person I've ever met and that you be in our daily prayers forever. Lovely. -Lovely. I also wrote one part... I wrote I'm sorry... I was talking about I was sorry when I got mad at you when you came over and you told my son that he ought to answer back so I wrote that. I was sorry for busting you on that... and I'm sorry for busting in on you that night... when I said I was never... I was sorry and I'm sorry every time your food was cold and that you had to wait two seconds for a coffee filler... -Nice of you... thank you. Thank you. -Thank you. Now I want you to do something for me. -"Oh, I'm sorry... Didn't I say, ""what?"" I thought I said, ""what?""... What?" I want you to go on this trip. -I want you to go on this trip. No, sir... -No, sir... I can't do this alone. I'm afraid he'll pull the stiff one eye on me. I need you to chaperon. Separate everything but cars. You said you liked convertibles. Now I'm on the hook. -I can't do this alone. I'm afraid he'll pull the stiff one eye on me. I need you to chaperon. Separate everything but cars. You said you liked convertibles. Now I'm on the hook. The stiff one eye? -The stiff one eye? Two days. -Two days. I can't. I work. -I can't. I work. You take off when you have to. -You take off when you have to. My son. -My son. Bettes tells me he's doing fine. -Bettes tells me he's doing fine. Melvin, I'd rather not. -Melvin, I'd rather not. What's that got to do with it? -What's that got to do with it? Funny, I thought it was a strong point. -Funny, I thought it was a strong point. Write me a note and ain't she sweet. I need a hand and where'd she go. -Write me a note and ain't she sweet. I need a hand and where'd she go. Are you saying accepting your help obligates me!? -Are you saying accepting your help obligates me!? Is there another way to see it? -Is there another way to see it? No. -Hello? Are you still coming? -Are you still coming? Yes. -Melvin... I'd like to know exactly where we are going. Just south to Baltimore, Maryland. So I know what you're going to ask next. That you might ask -- I'm not certain. -Just south to Baltimore, Maryland. So I know what you're going to ask next. That you might ask -- I'm not certain. There's... there's no need to bring anything dressy... or... I mean -- I didn't know if we'd be eating at any restaurant that have dress codes. -There's... there's no need to bring anything dressy... or... I mean -- I didn't know if we'd be eating at any restaurant that have dress codes. Oh. We might. Yes. We can. Let's. -Oh. We might. Yes. We can. Let's. Okay, gotcha. What did you think I was going to ask? -Okay, gotcha. What did you think I was going to ask? Whether crabs are in season there now... -Whether crabs are in season there now... Oh. Okay, then -- Melvin. Good night. -Hi. Thanks for being on time... Carol, the waitress, this is Simon, the fag. -Thanks for being on time... Carol, the waitress, this is Simon, the fag. Hello... Oh, my God, who did that to you? -I was going to do that for you. It's okay. No problem. Where should we sit? -It's okay. No problem. Where should we sit? I -- uh, I... Well, there is no place cards or anything. -I -- uh, I... Well, there is no place cards or anything. Let me go in back. You look like you need all the room you can manage. -Thanks, Melvin. Welcome. -I'm sure, Simon, they did something real off for you to feel this way... But when it comes to your partners -- or your kid -- things will always be off for you unless you set it straight. Maybe this thing happened to you just to give you that chance. Nonsense! -Nonsense! Anybody here who's interested in what Melvin has to say raise their hands. -Hey -- you let him... You like sad stories -- you want mine. -... my father didn't leave his room for 11 years -- he hit my hand with a yardstick if I made a mistake on the piano. Go ahead, Simon. Your father walked in on you and was yelling and... really, come on. -That's not true. Some of us have great stories... pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just not anybody in this car. But lots of people -- that's their story -- good times and noodle salad... and that's what makes it hard. Not that you had it bad but being that pissed that so many had it good. No. -No answer... Maybe we should just drive there tomorrow. Can I have that one? Yes... sure. I'll take the sofa. -My son was outside playing soccer. I never saw him playing ball. Come on, you guys -- take me out for a good time... Take me out dancing. Dancing? -Stop asking everyone. Just him and that's it. Okay, you can answer -- we've worked it out. -No... I'm not wearing that -- and just in case you were going to ask I'm not going to let you inject me with plaque either. You promised a nice place -- can't you just... You have these dry cleaned all the time, don't you? -You wanna dance? I've been thinking about that since you brought it up before. -I've been thinking about that since you brought it up before. And? -And? No... ... I don't get this place. They make me buy an outfit but they let you wear a house dress. I don't get it. -No. Wait. What? Why? I didn't mean it. You gotta sit down. You can still give me the dirty look... just sit down and give it to me. Melvin, pay me a compliment... I need one and quick... You have no idea how much what you said just hurt my feelings. -Melvin, pay me a compliment... I need one and quick... You have no idea how much what you said just hurt my feelings. That monominute somebody gets that you need them they threaten to go away. Never fails. -That monominute somebody gets that you need them they threaten to go away. Never fails. That's not compliment, Melvin... That's just trying to sound smart so I feel stupid... A compliment is something nice about somebody else... Now or never. -That's not compliment, Melvin... That's just trying to sound smart so I feel stupid... A compliment is something nice about somebody else... Now or never. Okay. -And mean it... Can we order first? -Two crab dinners and pitcher of cold beer. Baked or fries? Fries. -Fries. One baked -- one fries. -I am so afraid you're about to say something awful... "Don't be pessimistic. It's not your style. Okay... Here I goes... Clearly a mistake. I have this -- what? Ailment... And my doctor -- a shrink... who I used to see all the time... he says 50 or 60 percent of the time a pill can really help. I hate pills. Very dangerous things, pills. ""Hate,"" I am using the word ""hate"" about pills. My compliment is that when you came to my house that time and told me how you'd never -- well, you were there, you know... The next morning I started taking these pills." -"Don't be pessimistic. It's not your style. Okay... Here I goes... Clearly a mistake. I have this -- what? Ailment... And my doctor -- a shrink... who I used to see all the time... he says 50 or 60 percent of the time a pill can really help. I hate pills. Very dangerous things, pills. ""Hate,"" I am using the word ""hate"" about pills. My compliment is that when you came to my house that time and told me how you'd never -- well, you were there, you know... The next morning I started taking these pills." I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me. -That's maybe the best compliment of my life. Then I've really overshot here 'cause I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out. -So how are you doing with those pills? Well, I hopahopahopa. Takes months to know... They work little by little. Talking like this is exhausting. -Have you ever let a romantic moment make you do something you know is stupid? Never. -Never. Here's the trouble with never. -You don't owe me that. That wasn't payment. When you first came into breakfast, when I saw you -- I thought you were handsome... Then, of course, you spoke... So now that your soft li'l underbelly is all exposed. Tell me, why did you bring me? -Well, ah... that's a personal question. Tell me even if you're scared. Tell me why you wanted me here. It's okay. -"If you ask me... I'll say, ""yes.""" There are lots of reason... I had a thought that if you had sex with Simon it might... -There are lots of reason... I had a thought that if you had sex with Simon it might... Sex with Simon? -Sex with Simon? It's one idea... -It's one idea... That's why you brought me? Look at me! Is that really why you brought me... Like I'm a what and I owe you what?! -That's why you brought me? Look at me! Is that really why you brought me... Like I'm a what and I owe you what?! I don't know why I brought you -- that idea occurred to me is all... It came out first... Hey, you kiss him -- me... He says he loves you. You two hit it off. But you don't want to... fine... Forget what I said about sex with Simon. It was a mistake. -I don't know why I brought you -- that idea occurred to me is all... It came out first... Hey, you kiss him -- me... He says he loves you. You two hit it off. But you don't want to... fine... Forget what I said about sex with Simon. It was a mistake. I'll never forget you said it. -I'll never forget you said it. It was a mistake. -Sorry, didn't realize she was right there. Did you have sex with her? To hell with sex. -Nothing like no choice to make you feel at home. Let me see... Ahh, gorgeous! -Let me see... Ahh, gorgeous! Do it then. Get the dog picked up. I can't believe you let it stay there. -I don't want to hear that music right now. What do you mean? You said you liked it. -What do you mean? You said you liked it. I don't. -I don't. This one has a special meaning. -This one has a special meaning. It's your car but I don't want to hear it. If that means anything. -Here are the keys to my apartment. I'm going to park you in my place while I take Carol home. I'll take a bus. -I'll take a bus. I'll take you... why not? -I'll take you... why not? I don't care what you did for me. I don't think I want to know you anymore -- all you do is make me feel badly about myself. You have my number. -Hello. Yeah... Well... -Yeah... Well... How you doing? -How you doing? I can trust my brain. -I can trust my brain. That seems like a good choice. -That seems like a good choice. I don't know whether I'm being sensible or hard on you. -I don't know whether I'm being sensible or hard on you. The two might go together. -The two might go together. See. There's an example. I don't know whether you're being cute or crazy now. -See. There's an example. I don't know whether you're being cute or crazy now. Cute. -Cute. You don't have to answer everything I say. Just listen to me. Okay? -Okay to say something now? Go ahead. -Go ahead. I should've danced with you. -I should've danced with you. Okay. Good-bye. -Okay. Good-bye. So long. -What do you want, Melvin? Were you asleep? -Were you asleep? What do you want? -What do you want? 'Cause if you were asleep -- I'm sorry. And you could be grouchy. -'Cause if you were asleep -- I'm sorry. And you could be grouchy. Grouchy? -Grouchy? ... 'Cause of being woken up, and it would make my job impossible. So then I wouldn't even try. -... 'Cause of being woken up, and it would make my job impossible. So then I wouldn't even try. What job? -What job? Were you asleep? -Were you asleep? What are you doing here? -I wasn't asleep!! What a break... -What a break... Is it a secret what you're doing here? -Is it a secret what you're doing here? I had to see you... -I had to see you... Because... -Because... It relaxes me... I'd feel better just sitting on the curb in front of your house than anyplace else I can think of or imagine. -Boyfriend? Oh, come on in and try not to ruin everything by being you. -Oh, come on in and try not to ruin everything by being you. Maybe we could live without the wise cracks. -It feels a little confined here. Let's take a walk. See. It's four in the morning. A walk sounds a little screwy to me, if you don't mind. -See. It's four in the morning. A walk sounds a little screwy to me, if you don't mind. If you need an excuse, there's a bakery on the corner. There's a shot it'll open soon -- that way we're not screwy -- we're just two people who like warm rolls. -If you need an excuse, there's a bakery on the corner. There's a shot it'll open soon -- that way we're not screwy -- we're just two people who like warm rolls. Okay. -I'm feeling... I've been feeling better. Melvin, even though it may seem that way now -- you don't know me all that well... I'm not the answer for you. -Hey, I've got a great compliment for you. You know what? I... -You know what? I... Just let me talk. I'm the only one on the face of the earth who realizes that you're the greatest woman on earth. I'm the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing you do -- in every single thought you have... in how you are with Spencer -- Spence... ... in how you say what you mean and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good... -No! It's certainly not. No -- I don't think so. No. I'm gonna grab you. I didn't mean it to be a question. I'm gonna grab you. -I don't know the last time I've been out of the city... Hey, my arms are tanning. I used to tan great. We gotta stop soon so'se I can check on Spencer. I'm sorry... I can't hear you. I can't turn my head all the way yet... tell her we can't hear her. -Do you want to know what happened with my parents? Yes. I really would. -Yes. I really would. Well... -Well... No, let me pull over so I can pay full attention. -I don't blame you... This is a monumental first day out... You sad or anything? No... Nervous. It would be very rough, Carol, if you weren't along. -No... Nervous. It would be very rough, Carol, if you weren't along. What a nice compliment. -Was this supposed to be your room? Our room. I don't want to see him and he's not going to come knocking on your door. -Can you not be violent? I don't think so. You need help with the pants? -I don't think so. You need help with the pants? No!!! -No!!! I'm going to take a big bath and order a big meal. -I'm going to take a big bath and order a big meal. Uh-huh... -Uh-huh... I'm sorry... are you okay? -I'm sorry... are you okay? Well, considering everything's horrible and tomorrow I have to face my parents... Don't ask me ... I'm sick of my own complaints ... got to get me a new set of thoughts. -Well, considering everything's horrible and tomorrow I have to face my parents... Don't ask me ... I'm sick of my own complaints ... got to get me a new set of thoughts. Why? What have you been thinking about? -Why? What have you been thinking about? How to die, mostly. -How to die, mostly. Can you believe in our little mix you're the good roommate. -Good night. Good night. -I've got to sketch you. No... Absolutely not. I'm shyer than you think. I give the wrong impression sometimes and... -No... Absolutely not. I'm shyer than you think. I give the wrong impression sometimes and... I haven't even been thinking about sketching for weeks. -I haven't even been thinking about sketching for weeks. Stop staring. Do a vase. -Stop staring. Do a vase. But you're beautiful... your skin glows. -But you're beautiful... your skin glows. Thanks. But I just want to take a bath and... -Thanks. But I just want to take a bath and... That long neck -- the line of you... you're porcelain... your back goes on forever. You're classic... you're why cavemen chiseled on walls... -That long neck -- the line of you... you're porcelain... your back goes on forever. You're classic... you're why cavemen chiseled on walls... All right, cut me a break. -We held each other. It was better than sex. What I need he gave me great. I just love her. How're you doing? -But what about... I'll take care of myself -- -One night with me! You think you're kidding. -I love you... Let him take you home. Don't want to. I love you. -What the heck are those for? No. No. Get Carol. -No. No. Get Carol. I'm filling in. We don't know if she's coming back. She might have to get a job closer to home. -I'm filling in. We don't know if she's coming back. She might have to get a job closer to home. What are you trying to do to me? -What are you trying to do to me? What the heck do you mean? -What the heck do you mean? Hey, elephant girl, call her or something... just let her do my one meal here. I'll pay whatever. I'll wait. Do it!!! -Help! If you want to see me you will not do this. You will make an appointment... -If you want to see me you will not do this. You will make an appointment... "Explain to me how you can diagnose someone as ""obsessive compulsive disorder"" and then act like I have any choice in barging in." -"Explain to me how you can diagnose someone as ""obsessive compulsive disorder"" and then act like I have any choice in barging in." There's not going to be a debate. You must leave. -You said you could help me -- what was that -- a tease? I can help you if you take the responsibility to keep regular app -- -I can help you if you take the responsibility to keep regular app -- You changed the room around... -You changed the room around... Two years ago... -I also regrew my beard... but you're not interested in changes in me... so it's like I always told you... when it comes to people you... Shhhhhhh. I don't have this mountain of available time... I got to get to my restaurant on time. Do you know how hard it is for me to be here? -Shhhhhhh. I don't have this mountain of available time... I got to get to my restaurant on time. Do you know how hard it is for me to be here? Yes. No. -He's genuinely upsetting, isn't he? Won't worry about it. You go ahead. -Hey, hey... Haaa... bad but temporary. The nurses say it's much better than you looked three weeks ago... the hand will come back... they're sure... Jackie, will you hand me the mirror? -So, what's new anyway? How's Verdell? Your neighbor -- Udall -- is taking care of him. -Your neighbor -- Udall -- is taking care of him. How could you do that? He'll hurt him. -How could you do that? He'll hurt him. No, I promise... not a chance. I own this guy. There was no one else. I'm on the move too much. Trust me. -No, I promise... not a chance. I own this guy. There was no one else. I'm on the move too much. Trust me. You are very certain my dog is okay... because you have no idea... -You are very certain my dog is okay... because you have no idea... Yes. Your dog is fine, Simon. -I'm sorry that I'm not taking you. So am I, Frank. -Simon, you've got to get dressed. What I know is that as long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a fuck what or where you shove your show. Are we being neighbors for now? -Definitely a package you don't want to open or touch. Hope you find him. I love that dog. -No touch. No touch. No touch. You may think you can intimidate the whole world with your attitude, but I grew up in Hell. My grandmother had more attitude. You don't intimidate me. -You may think you can intimidate the whole world with your attitude, but I grew up in Hell. My grandmother had more attitude. You don't intimidate me. Police! Police! Fucking crooked police... doughnut-munching morons help me! Assault and battery and you're black. -Police! Police! Fucking crooked police... doughnut-munching morons help me! Assault and battery and you're black. Shhhh now. I like Simon. I like him enough to batter you unrecognizable if you verbally abuse him or so much as touch his dog again. Meanwhile, I'll try and think how you can make this up to him. I hate doing this. I'm an art dealer. Have a nice day. Party! -"You're taking him... yes... you're taking him -- this will clear the books. One night. You want to say ""no"" to me? Try... because I've never felt as nuts as I do right this second. I almost want you to try saying ""no.""" I'm not saying nothing to you. -I'm not saying nothing to you. Thanks for looking after him. -Hey, where are you going? You can't do this. I can't take a dog. Nobody's ever been in here before. You don't want to mess with me today. I'll figure something else out tomorrow. -How's Verdell doing? He's a pain in the ass. -Simon's home. I was sort of hoping you could keep the dog until he's had a chance to think and adjust... It's been five weeks... another few won't kill me. -It's been five weeks... another few won't kill me. No. He wants him back. He'll be by tomorrow. -No. He wants him back. He'll be by tomorrow. Okay by me. -It's not my dog and this Simon seems to have enough on his mind -- but he did throw up twice and his spark is off. Sure -- take him to the vet. -Sure -- take him to the vet. I did. And his stomach is out of whack. So they need him for a couple of days. -I did. And his stomach is out of whack. So they need him for a couple of days. Do it. -She's nice. Really nice. Shouldn't that be a good thing... telling someone, 'no thanks required.' -Really nice. Shouldn't that be a good thing... telling someone, 'no thanks required.' It looks like it really went over. You're sure making the rounds. Simon says you brought him soup last night. I hope he doesn't write you a note. -What? """What?"" Look at you... You sense a mark." -"""What?"" Look at you... You sense a mark." Hey -- you called me... I... -Hey -- you called me... I... About a dog. -About a dog. Yeah, but it's all about Simon now... you helped with the dog... And now there are other things. I'm just as concerned as you are about Simon. -Yeah, but it's all about Simon now... you helped with the dog... And now there are other things. I'm just as concerned as you are about Simon. Concerned. I'm just the hall monitor here. -Concerned. I'm just the hall monitor here. It's not only financial assistance. What he's got to do is go to Baltimore tomorrow and ask his parents for money. It's not going to happen on the phone. -It's not only financial assistance. What he's got to do is go to Baltimore tomorrow and ask his parents for money. It's not going to happen on the phone. Yeah. If his parents are alive they've got to help -- those are the rules. Good. -Yeah. If his parents are alive they've got to help -- those are the rules. Good. Yes. And tomorrow? I have a high maintenance selling painter coming through... So I'm out. Can you take him? -Yes. And tomorrow? I have a high maintenance selling painter coming through... So I'm out. Can you take him? Think white and get serious. -Take my car -- a convertible. Do you drive? Like the wind but I'm not doing it. -Okay... so I'll see you tomorrow. Let's not drag this out. We don't enjoy another that much. If there's some mental health foundation that raises money to help people like you be sure to let me know. -If there's some mental health foundation that raises money to help people like you be sure to let me know. Last word freak. -Good evening. Hi. You have hard shells, right? -Yes, we do... And I can give you a tie and jacket. What? -What? They require a tie and jacket but we have some available. -Actually, I don't think so. Wait here. -Shall I get her for you? No, it's all right. I'll just watch. -How you doing, great one? I haven't looked at myself yet. I figured I could tell from your reaction. -No. Please, don't force him. You little stinker. He's given you everything. -Sorry. What are those cards? Frank's idea. He thought I should have notes so I did this right... maintained focus, didn't get emotional and tried not to terrify you. -Frank's idea. He thought I should have notes so I did this right... maintained focus, didn't get emotional and tried not to terrify you. Terrify me? -Terrify me? See, he's right. I need the cards. Simon, you're broke. -The medical bill are 61 thousand now. I've spoken to your parents and they didn't hang up or anything -- they just said they would feel strange calling you. Well, I can't reach them. -Frank loves you. You know that... but I've spoken to him and he feels that -- -- as a businessman, with limited resources... I'll be able to keep my apartment and studio, won't I?... Just tell me. -Is he dead yet? No! Would there be any way for you to be willing to walk his dog for him? -No! Would there be any way for you to be willing to walk his dog for him? Absolutely. -Absolutely. Not just today -- Uh, could you do it -- until, until he gets back on his feet? -Not just today -- Uh, could you do it -- until, until he gets back on his feet? Sure thing. -Sure thing. You're a wonderful man. Two o'clock is a good time. Here's the key in case he's asleep. Open the curtains for him, so he sees God's beautiful work and knows that even things like this happen for the best. -You're a wonderful man. Two o'clock is a good time. Here's the key in case he's asleep. Open the curtains for him, so he sees God's beautiful work and knows that even things like this happen for the best. "Where'd they teach you to talk like this -- some Panama City ""Sailor want to hump-hump bar""? Or was today getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey. Sell crazy some place else -- we're all stocked up here." -Okay. So you call 911 and don't leave your name -- even a dumb geezer should know that emergency automatically pulls up your name. How come you make a mistake like that? How come you're pretending to do cop work -- 'cause I don't think you could find your ass if you were spotted the hole. -How come you're pretending to do cop work -- 'cause I don't think you could find your ass if you were spotted the hole. What? -What? Just move on. No one here killed him. -Just move on. No one here killed him. Oh, is he dead? -Oh, is he dead? Ask him. -Ask him. We will if we can and if we can't, we'll come back and ask you again and again. -Mr. Udall... excuse me. Hey there! Have you seen Verdell? What's he look like? -My dog... you know... I mean my little dog with the adorable face... Don't you know what my dog looks like? I got it. You're talking about your dog. I thought that was the name of the colored man I've been seeing in the hall. -Which color was that? Like thick molasses, with one of those wide noses perfect for smelling trouble and prison food... -Frank Sachs -- Melvin Udall. How're you doing? -How're you doing? Franks shows my work, Mr. Udall. I think you know that. -Mr. Udall, I'd like to talk to you please. 'Love was... ' -Yeeeess!!! Maybe this can wait. -I found Verdell, Mr. Udall. Well, that's a load off. -Did you... do something to him? Do you realize that I work at him? -Do you realize that I work at him? No, I didn't. -No, I didn't. Do you like to be interrupt when you are danging around in your little garden? -Do you like to be interrupt when you are danging around in your little garden? No... actually, I even shut the phone off and put a little piece of cardboard in the ringer so no one can just buzz me from d... -No... actually, I even shut the phone off and put a little piece of cardboard in the ringer so no one can just buzz me from d... Well, I work all the time. So never, never again interrupt me. Okay? I mean, never. Not 30 years from now... not if there's fire. Not even if you hear a thud from inside my home and a week later there's a smell from in there that can only come from a decaying body and you have to hold a hanky against your face because the stench is so thick you think you're going to faint even then don't come knocking or, if it's election night and you're excited and want to celebrate because some fudge-packer you dated has been elected the first queer President of the United States... and he's going to put you up in Camp David and you just want to share the moment with someone... don't knock ... not on this door. Not for anything. Got me. Sweetheart? -Well, I work all the time. So never, never again interrupt me. Okay? I mean, never. Not 30 years from now... not if there's fire. Not even if you hear a thud from inside my home and a week later there's a smell from in there that can only come from a decaying body and you have to hold a hanky against your face because the stench is so thick you think you're going to faint even then don't come knocking or, if it's election night and you're excited and want to celebrate because some fudge-packer you dated has been elected the first queer President of the United States... and he's going to put you up in Camp David and you just want to share the moment with someone... don't knock ... not on this door. Not for anything. Got me. Sweetheart? Yes. It's not a subtle point you're making. -Yes. It's not a subtle point you're making. Okay, then. -That's some face they left hanging on you. You look like... Could you take it just a little easy, Mr. Udall? -Thank you. Verdell... sweetheart? By the way, thanks for saving me. I called. I never touched you. I didn't leave my name or nothing. -I called. I never touched you. I didn't leave my name or nothing. Verdell? -Maybe I'll bring him some food by. Thank you for walking him. -If you'll excuse me I'm not feeling so well. It smells like shit in here? -It smells like shit in here? Go away. -Go away. That cleaning woman doesn't... -That cleaning woman doesn't... Please, just leave. -Please, just leave. Where are all your queer party friends? -Where are all your queer party friends? Get out. -Nothing worse than having to feel this way in front of you? Nellie, you're a disgrace to depression. -Nellie, you're a disgrace to depression. Rot in hell, Melvin. -Rot in hell, Melvin. No need to stop being a lady... quit worrying -- you'll be back on your knees in no time. -Well, I'll do one thing for you that might cheer you up. Get out. -Get out. Don't piss on a gift, tough guy. You want to know why the dog prefers me... it's not affection. It's a trick. -I carry bacon in my pocket. Oh, my gosh. -Oh, my gosh. Now we'll both call him. -Now we'll both call him. Come on, sweetheart... -Come on, sweetheart... Yo, yo, yo... -Would you leave now, please? Stupid dog. I don't get it. -I brought you Chinese soup. Thanks. -Thanks. I have never been so tired in my life. Okay, if I sit here? -I have never been so tired in my life. Okay, if I sit here? Got any easier questions? -I haven't been sleeping. I haven't been clear or felt like myself. I'm in trouble. Some son of a bitch is burning my bridges behind my back... But the tiredness -- boy... Not just sleepy. But sick -- nauseous -- where everything looks distorted and everything inside just aches -- when you can barely get up the will to complain. -But sick -- nauseous -- where everything looks distorted and everything inside just aches -- when you can barely get up the will to complain. Yeah... -I, uh... I was... attacked. Walked in on people robbing me. I was hospitalized. I almost died. Let's do the small talk in the car. Load up. -That's very thoughtful. Never a break. Never. -Well, I always painted. Always. And my mother always encouraged it. She was sort of fabulous about it actually... and she used to... I was too young to think there was anything at all wrong with it... and she was very natural. She used to pose nude for me... and I thought or assumed my father was aware of it. This stuff is pointless. -Not it at all, really. Not at all, huh?!... Let's go to the hotel. And if you're lucky tomorrow Dad will give you another wad of sweaty money. -Do you ever get an erection for a woman? Melvin... -Melvin... Wouldn't your lie be a lot easier if you were not... -Wouldn't your lie be a lot easier if you were not... You consider your life easy. -You consider your life easy. I give you that one... Nice packing. -I get why you're angry. It's no snap to explain why I was like that, but let's not try to do it on the run... ... so Mom. Truly no grudges -- truly. A little odd that you didn't come to see me when you heard I was hurt, but the important thing I want you to know is your son is happy. I'm working again. I'll make do -- I don't want a thing. Wouldn't take it if it was offered. I'll drop you a note from wherever I land and then it's up to you. I hope we patch things up but know that if we don't, I wish you both the very best... I can't hear you. You heard me, though, right? Good -- take good care. 'Bye. -... Now he's going to want to stay. And they'll want to take a ride to the lake or whatever. So it's a good five hours back. It gives us a chance to take it easy and... I'm going back with you. -What are you talking about? You got real problems. I know. I'm a little bit nervous. Suddenly everything seems so easy. Carol, a load has been lifted. -Good-bye. Well, your luck is holding. They sublet your place. You're homeless. Frank's got a line on another place you can use for now. Another place where? -Another place where? Does it matter? -I told you to go on in. Look, I've got to get a hold of Frank and see where I'm hanging my hat 'cause... -I think you gotta camp it here... What are you talking about? -Thank you, Melvin. You overwhelm me. They did a nice job... Cozy, huh? -They did a nice job... Cozy, huh? I love you. -Sorry, didn't know you were awake. I just thought Verdell shouldn't get too used to sleeping in here 'cause then... Look, we both want the dog -- and... -You going to come talk to me or not? I'm coming. -What did she say? "I'm a great guy -- ""extraordinary""... ... and she doesn't want contact with me. I'm dying here." -"I'm a great guy -- ""extraordinary""... ... and she doesn't want contact with me. I'm dying here." Because... ... you love her? -Because... ... you love her? No... and you're supposed to be sensitive and sharp. -No... and you're supposed to be sensitive and sharp. "Okay... you tell me why -- ""You're dying here.""" -"Okay... you tell me why -- ""You're dying here.""" I don't know... Let me sleep on it and figure it out. Because I'm stuck! Can't go back to what I had... She's evicted me from my life. -I don't know... Let me sleep on it and figure it out. Because I'm stuck! Can't go back to what I had... She's evicted me from my life. Did you like it that much? -Did you like it that much? It was better than this... Look, you, I'm very intelligent. If you're going to give me advice or conversation or consolation or hope, you got to be better than you're doing. If you can't be at least momentarily interesting than shut the hell up. I'm drowning and you're describing water. -It was better than this... Look, you, I'm very intelligent. If you're going to give me advice or conversation or consolation or hope, you got to be better than you're doing. If you can't be at least momentarily interesting than shut the hell up. I'm drowning and you're describing water. Picking on me won't help. -Picking on me won't help. Well, if that's true then I'm really in trouble. -Well, if that's true then I'm really in trouble. But you know where you're lucky? -But you know where you're lucky? Absolutely not. -Absolutely not. You know who you want. I'll take your seat any day. So do something... don't sleep on it... go over there. I don't think anybody should ever sleep on anything -- it's not always good to let things calm down. -You know who you want. I'll take your seat any day. So do something... don't sleep on it... go over there. I don't think anybody should ever sleep on anything -- it's not always good to let things calm down. Hey... I'm charged here. But she might kill me for showing up this late. -Hey... I'm charged here. But she might kill me for showing up this late. Then get in your jammies and I'll read you a story... I think you've got a chance. The only real enemy you have is her ability to think logically -- the best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself if it gives you one chance in whatever -- so go catch her off- guard. -Then get in your jammies and I'll read you a story... I think you've got a chance. The only real enemy you have is her ability to think logically -- the best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself if it gives you one chance in whatever -- so go catch her off- guard. Okay. Thanks a lot. Here I go. -What's wrong? I forgot to lock the door. -I can't resist. You usually move through here so quickly and I have so many questions I want to ask you. You have no idea what your work means to me. What's it mean? -What's it mean? That somebody out there knows what it's like to be... in here. -That somebody out there knows what it's like to be... in here. Oh God, this is like a nightmare. -Oh God, this is like a nightmare. Aw come on, just a couple of questions -- how hard is that? -How do you write women so well? I think of a man and take away reason and accountability. -Exactly what is your previous experience? How about that pose? This is not fun... Give me some direction. -"Nothing. I just watch till something strikes me. Do anything you think of -- try different thing. Until I say, ""hold that pose."" Then just try and comfortably hold it." "The fact that you haven't said, ""hold it"" means I haven't done it right... is that correct? I haven't done it right?" -"The fact that you haven't said, ""hold it"" means I haven't done it right... is that correct? I haven't done it right?" No... Okay. What I do is watch and wait for, um... You ever watch someone who doesn't know you're watching... an old woman on a bus, kids going to school and you see this flash come over them and you know immediately that it has nothing to do with anything external -- that it's in respond to a private thought they just had? They are just sort of realer and more alive. And when you notice it so are you. If you look at someone long enough, you discover their humanity. -So you're practically finished, huh? Yes... well, there's one more stage -- trying to figure out if it's any good. -Wait -- I want to see the painting. Just a second -- he has to go. -Just a second -- he has to go. Please!! NO!!! -Why are you doing this? No. No. No. Hey, that painting in there... I just want to tell you... -Is there a problem? No. No problem. The airport, right? -No. No problem. The airport, right? Right. -Yeah. Yeah, I'm a waiter. Where? -Where? What? -What? What restaurant? -What restaurant? Uh, Fontella's -Uh, Fontella's So you're from around here? -So you're from around here? No. No I'm not. -Where you from? What is this? -What is this? Not too good at small talk, eh? -Not too good at small talk, eh? Look, I'm real tired and I'm not interested in fucking chit-chat. -Look, I'm real tired and I'm not interested in fucking chit-chat. I know just what you mean. I'm pretty beat myself. -Why? What happened? Didn't you here all them sirens? It's been all over the radio. Some guy shot Leevio Valli, and a bunch of bystanders, in the Trattoria Roma. -Didn't you here all them sirens? It's been all over the radio. Some guy shot Leevio Valli, and a bunch of bystanders, in the Trattoria Roma. No shit. -No shit. Yeah, it's terrible. I mean Valli, and I don't care what office he's running for, the guy's a crook. He probably had it coming, but all the other people. Real sad. -Yeah, it's terrible. I mean Valli, and I don't care what office he's running for, the guy's a crook. He probably had it coming, but all the other people. Real sad. Yeah. -Yeah. But they caught the guy. I heard it all. Sounded like he just went berserk, fucking loco. Shooting anybody. Drugs, probably. -But they caught the guy. I heard it all. Sounded like he just went berserk, fucking loco. Shooting anybody. Drugs, probably. Probably. -Probably. I'd love to sit in that jury. Send that S.O.B. right to the chair. -What are you doing? What? -What? That was Peterson back there. That goes to the expressway for the airport. -That was Peterson back there. That goes to the expressway for the airport. You're right. Talking too much again. -You're right. Talking too much again. Yeah well, you just blew your tip, pal. -Yeah well, you just blew your tip, pal. What? You think I'm running you up? -What? You think I'm running you up? Just do your job. -What are you doing? Get out. You think I'm running you up? Get out. -Get out. You think I'm running you up? Get out. You can't -- -You can't -- The hell I can't. It's my cab. I don't like you. So, get the hell out! -Sit back. Put your seatbelt on. No fucking way. -No fucking way. Okay, don't. -Boy, that's fucking genius. You're a fucking genius. Then you're just sitting there, bullshitting with me. Man, no way I coulda done that! What's your name? We both know it's not Nicholai. -What's your name? We both know it's not Nicholai. Holy shit! Robert Rath wants to know my name. -Bain. Michael Bain. How long have you been freelance? -How long have you been freelance? Two years. Two long fucking years. -Hey. What I don't get was why didn't you take the shot inside the restaurant? I mean you had me, a free shot. That's what I would have done. It's just a shoot-out then. Sixty- forty, at best. Not my odds. -It's just a shoot-out then. Sixty- forty, at best. Not my odds. Sounds like chickenshit -- -You don't have to tell me that. It's just, I know my bid was low, but was it too low? I mean, did I seem like an amateur, like I didn't know what I was doing? We both know what you were doing. -Oh! I got a question. Jesus, this has been driving me crazy for years -- shit, listen to me. I sound like some fucking fanboy. I'm sorry, but I just got to ask you. Everybody talks about how you left the Agency and got into the business and then how you went after the Russian, Nicholai Talinkov -- Tachlinkov. -Tachlinkov. Yeah, that's it. And he's like a fucking genius. They said he shaded you over and over. And in the end, he aced you again. Shaded and faded. They say he's living on some Greek island, but I say that's fucking bullshit. I say you're the best and that you planted his ass. Am I right? -Robert Bain, driving me! Jesus fucking Christ! After those cops, you'll never be able to come back to Cleveland. -After those cops, you'll never be able to come back to Cleveland. Who the fuck cares about Cleveland. Cleveland blows. What kind of marks have they got here? Greasy mobster, teamster or some hand job politician. I want the money marks. I want the marks that you get. -So what happens now? We go around once. -We go around once. Bullshit. -Okay. What? What's okay? -What are you doing? There's a sand barricade up ahead; I'm going to ram this cab into it. The cab has an airbag, odds are good I'll survive. But with this steel casing and bullet proof glass, odds for you are not so good. -No, no. Wait. You don't want me to jump. You're going to jump. I'm stuck back here until it's too late. Wham -- over! I know you're going to jump. -How'd you know? Just tell me that. How'd you fucking know? I knew the same way in ten years you're going to know. -I knew the same way in ten years you're going to know. What does that fucking mean? -What does that fucking mean? It means that I'm going to tell you things, even though I already know that you're not going to listen to a God damned thing I say. -Listen to me, Bain. Two days ago, you contacted your contractor, who told you that they knew when and where I was going to pick up the transferred money from MicroCell. You don't know how they got the information. It bothered you, but you didn't care. How do I know this? Because ten years ago, I was sitting in that chair, as scared shitless as you are now. I ain't scared of you. -I ain't scared of you. Yeah you are and you hate it. You hate the fact that your hand is shaking and mine isn't. That you're sweating your balls off and I'm not. You've got fear and hate in your belly like battery acid, all because of me. -Yeah you are and you hate it. You hate the fact that your hand is shaking and mine isn't. That you're sweating your balls off and I'm not. You've got fear and hate in your belly like battery acid, all because of me. If you think you can take me, quit fucking bullshitting and try it. -If you think you can take me, quit fucking bullshitting and try it. All right, Bain. Pay attention, because this is where everything changes. -Five million dollars? That's right. -That's right. Shit. That sure is a lot of money. -Did you see how I did that? Magic wasn't it? What? -What? You understand what's going on? It makes sense, right? -You understand what's going on? It makes sense, right? Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. What I just said, no assassin would say. What I've said, only a mark would say. -You think I would be an idiot to pass up five million dollars. You would be. -You would be. You don't know a fucking thing about me. You don't have the slightest fucking clue. -You don't know a fucking thing about me. You don't have the slightest fucking clue. Why don't you tell me. -Why don't you tell me. I'll tell you this. After Cleveland, I thought I was lucky to be alive. But now, here, I just realized that you were the lucky one. -I'll tell you this. After Cleveland, I thought I was lucky to be alive. But now, here, I just realized that you were the lucky one. Now I'll tell you something. It wouldn't fucking matter if I offered you one hundred million dollars. You'd still be thinking the same thing, that you're going to take me. And here I am, sitting through this, knowing it's bullshit, looking at you and the only thing going on in my mind, the only thing I can think is that, in just a few minutes I'm going to take you. -Game over, bitch! Bain! -I'm on the scent. You're too late. -Michael? No. No. No. I don't believe it. -No. No. No. I don't believe it. They money will be standard bank transfer. We believe we will know where and when. -They money will be standard bank transfer. We believe we will know where and when. What? -Such language in front of a lady. I don't give a fuck what you are. I asked you -- -How in the fuck do you know that? Do you want Rath or not? -Hi. Up ahead my boss is in that black limo. We're not sure which hotel we're at, so could you just follow them? Sure. -Good afternoon. We have reservations at the Hotel Paraiso in Costa Blanca. Yes, sir. -No, no. I said the Hotel Paraiso. Yes. This is the Hotel Paraiso. -Yes. This is the Hotel Paraiso. No, the other Hotel Paraiso, in the city. Near the Plaza del Sol. -No, the other Hotel Paraiso, in the city. Near the Plaza del Sol. I'm sorry, sir. A year ago there was a fire in the old Hotel Paraiso. This is the new Hotel Paraiso. -I'm sorry, sir. A year ago there was a fire in the old Hotel Paraiso. This is the new Hotel Paraiso. Take us there. -Where have you been, Robert? Sick. The flu. -Sick. The flu. I don't believe you. -Send the file. I'll have the estimate tonight. I'm worried about you, Robert. -What? The contract was stolen. -Who? A new player. He's using the name Nicholai. -How did he know? Know what? -Know what? The fucking contract! How in the fuck did he know. -I don't know what the fuck you are. I know. It was a joke. -Deadline? Tomorrow. The buyer is Japanese. His retirement a condition of the bonus. -Who is the mark? Freelancer. A woman. Surveillance specialist. -Hello, Robert. The contract? -The contract? Paid in full. -I have been sitting on a contract from Cleveland for six days because of you. Fuck you, fuck Cleveland, and fuck your contracts -- -I know what happened. I bet you fucking know! -I bet you fucking know! It cost us. -I give a fuck? I'm done! I quit! Do you fucking hear me! I'm fucking gone! He stole another contract. -Is this how it went, Nick? Robert? Robert? -You think this is a fucking joke? $1,000,000. -A player? We have an M.O... Her system is protected by her 'pussy virus.' -What? He has to clean up. How many bodies were there? -He has to clean up. How many bodies were there? Um, five. -Um, five. One hour per man. -Get on the expressway. Where are we going? -Nikita? She helped me find you. What? How did you know I had a cat? -What? How did you know I had a cat? Took a guess. Lucky for you, I guessed right. -Took a guess. Lucky for you, I guessed right. Who the fuck are you? Who do you work for? -Who the fuck are you? Who do you work for? I work for the government. -I work for the government. Yeah? -Bullshit. Yeah. -Yeah. You're one of them, aren't you? A fucking pro. -You're one of them, aren't you? A fucking pro. I'm part of the game, just like you. -Twenty large? That's all? What do you mean, 'that's all'? What in the hell do you know? -What do you mean, 'that's all'? What in the hell do you know? The bonus on the contract for you was one million dollars. -I figure that means these are worth ten times that, maybe more. Ten million -- -Ten million -- Now you understand why I'm here. -Now what? Turn off the engine. -You want me to pump? No, stay in the car. I want you to understand something. If I intended to kill you, you would already be dead. -Okay. How did you find me? You're the computer hacker, you tell me. -You're the computer hacker, you tell me. You didn't know anything about me. -Nikita? Yellow Pages. V for veterinarian. There aren't that many. -You're one of them, aren't you? 'Them'? -'Them'? An assassin? -An assassin? Until a minute ago. -Until a minute ago. What does that mean? -What does that mean? If I still was what I used to be, you would not be pointing that at me. -Who is that other guy? Another contractor. -Another contractor. Someone hired both of you? -Someone hired both of you? No. They hired Bain. The contract would have been mine, but Bain took it from me as he took the previous one. -No. They hired Bain. The contract would have been mine, but Bain took it from me as he took the previous one. So this is something between you and him? -So this is something between you and him? He stole the contract knowing that I would come after him. -He stole the contract knowing that I would come after him. Why? -Why? Because he is trying to retire me. -Because he is trying to retire me. He wants to kill you? -He wants to kill you? Yes. -Yes. Why? -Why? The nature of the business. You remove your competition. -The nature of the business. You remove your competition. And you want to use me to get him? -And you want to use me to get him? Yes. -Yes. Forget it! -Forget it! We don't have a choice. -Don't tell me I don't have a choice! Right. -Right. I'm two seconds away from making my choice which means you've got two seconds to tell me why I shouldn't shoot you. -I'm two seconds away from making my choice which means you've got two seconds to tell me why I shouldn't shoot you. It's simple. You need me. I need you. And we will both need money. -It's simple. You need me. I need you. And we will both need money. I don't need you to get the money -- my money! -I don't need you to get the money -- my money! If it hadn't been for me, you would be dead. -I don't need the money. This is something that is never going to end. You can never work in the business again with this contract, because he will find you. To survive, you have to go into deep hiding. And that's going to take money, a lot of money. -This is something that is never going to end. You can never work in the business again with this contract, because he will find you. To survive, you have to go into deep hiding. And that's going to take money, a lot of money. Then you can have the disks and I'll just walk out that door -- -Then you can have the disks and I'll just walk out that door -- If you walk out that door, Bain will still come after you. -If you walk out that door, Bain will still come after you. Why? -Why? Because he took a contract on you. He'll come for you and he'll find you. -Because he took a contract on you. He'll come for you and he'll find you. You don't know that -- you're trying to scare me. -You don't know that -- you're trying to scare me. No. It's the truth. I know what you are. Like me, like Bain, you're a ghost, you're not part of the real world. You don't have a social security number. You don't pay taxes. You've probably used ten different names over the last ten years. A long time ago something probably happened, something illegal and you ran, you disappeared and it was easy. You think you can do it again. But I'm telling you, fading from the law is nothing. No matter what you do, where you go, I swear to you that Bain will find you. -No. It's the truth. I know what you are. Like me, like Bain, you're a ghost, you're not part of the real world. You don't have a social security number. You don't pay taxes. You've probably used ten different names over the last ten years. A long time ago something probably happened, something illegal and you ran, you disappeared and it was easy. You think you can do it again. But I'm telling you, fading from the law is nothing. No matter what you do, where you go, I swear to you that Bain will find you. How? -How? Right now, as we sit here, he is tearing through your apartment. He is digging through your drawers, emptying your closets. He will take your telephone and address books, your appointment books. If you keep a diary, he is reading it. He'll go into the kitchen and find out what kind of food you eat, liquor you drink, cigarettes you smoke. In the bathroom he will find any prescription drugs you take and where you get them filled. If you have video tape or recordings he will watch and listen to all of them. -Oh Jesus Jesus... He will know everything about you. Everything. I know, because I've done it. Once you've been inside a mark's home, you're in their head. If you're any good, you'll find the mark in a week, and Bain is good because I was the best and I couldn't take him. -Listen -- I don't even know your name. Rath. Robert Rath. -Rath. Robert Rath. Electra. -Electra. Just Electra? -Just Electra? Yeah. -Yeah. As in daughter of Agamemnon? -As in daughter of Agamemnon? No. Just Electra. -What I'm trying to say is that -- I'm not sure I can do this, help you, unless I know more about you. What do you want to know? -What do you want to know? If Bain hadn't taken the contract on me, would you have? -No. Why? -Why? Because I'm done. -Because I'm done. This is crazy. I can't trust you. You can't trust me. How can we possibly help each other? -With computers. It's not the same, is it? -It's not the same, is it? Better than playing with yourself. -Had? He was Russian. Nicholai Tachlinkov. A legend in the business when I was just starting. I admired him. When I heard he loved chess I became obsessed with the game. -It looks like white's game. We played with a code using The New York Times obituaries. Over three years we played twelve matches. I never won. -We played with a code using The New York Times obituaries. Over three years we played twelve matches. I never won. Why didn't you finish this game? -He was... taken. He was killed. -I killed him. Why? -Why? Because that's how it works. That's what it's about. He was the best. He was on top. -Because that's how it works. That's what it's about. He was the best. He was on top. Where you wanted to be? -Where you wanted to be? Yes. As soon as you get into this business, all you can think about is getting to the top. That's all there is. Until then, there is nothing. You are nothing. -Yes. As soon as you get into this business, all you can think about is getting to the top. That's all there is. Until then, there is nothing. You are nothing. How did you get into the business? -How did you get into the business? The same way everyone does; the government, the Agency. -The same way everyone does; the government, the Agency. The C.I.A.? -The C.I.A.? More or less. -More or less. How old were you? -How old were you? They recruited me when I was in high school. -They recruited me when I was in high school. Jesus -- why? -Jesus -- why? Languages. I was already fluent in nine languages. -Languages. I was already fluent in nine languages. You were like a boy genius? -You were like a boy genius? Some people said that. I never thought so. -Some people said that. I never thought so. Why not? -Why not? I was just different. -I was just different. You went from high school to the Agency? -You went from high school to the Agency? No. I graduated from George Washington University. Then I entered the Agency training program. -No. I graduated from George Washington University. Then I entered the Agency training program. They didn't give you a choice, did they? -They didn't give you a choice, did they? No, they didn't. -No, they didn't. But you knew what they were training you for? -But you knew what they were training you for? Of course. I was going to be James Bond. -Of course. I was going to be James Bond. Ahhhh... -Ahhhh... They are very good at what they do. It's very seductive. The training, the weapons, the travel -- -They are very good at what they do. It's very seductive. The training, the weapons, the travel -- The exotic women. -The exotic women. Women? No... not really. -Women? No... not really. Why not? -Why not? Women... I don't... I don't want to talk about women. -Women... I don't... I don't want to talk about women. Why? -Why? Because you are a women. -Because you are a women. Why did you leave the Agency? -Why did you leave the Agency? The same reason everyone does. You hear your name on C-SPAN and you realize you're a skeleton in someone's closet and they're coming to bury you. -The same reason everyone does. You hear your name on C-SPAN and you realize you're a skeleton in someone's closet and they're coming to bury you. They tried to kill you? -They tried to kill you? Yes. It didn't matter much to them as long as I disappeared. -Yes. It didn't matter much to them as long as I disappeared. Then you went freelance? -Then you went freelance? The only thing different about the private sector is that a General Contractor takes less of a percentage than the government, so you make more money. Then once you make the transition, you realize you were never working for the government; it was always the private sector, the vested interests and it's the same vested interests that continue to buy your plane tickets. -The only thing different about the private sector is that a General Contractor takes less of a percentage than the government, so you make more money. Then once you make the transition, you realize you were never working for the government; it was always the private sector, the vested interests and it's the same vested interests that continue to buy your plane tickets. Tell me about the first time. -Tell me about the first time. My first take? -My first take? Yes. -Yes. Why? -Why? Because I want to know. -Because I want to know. It was... mechanical. Very precise. It was exactly like the training drill except for the adrenaline. -It was... mechanical. Very precise. It was exactly like the training drill except for the adrenaline. Are they usually like that? -Are they usually like that? No. Just the first one. -No. Just the first one. After that? -After that? They become complicated... messy. -They become complicated... messy. Did it ever bother you? -Did it ever bother you? Did it ever bother James Bond? -Did it ever bother James Bond? That's fiction. -That's fiction. This is fiction! Don't you see that? This is another reality. And the people that come into the world to play this game -- nobody forces them! They're here, they know the rules, the stakes, the risks! Do you understand what I am saying? No one is innocent -- including you! -This is fiction! Don't you see that? This is another reality. And the people that come into the world to play this game -- nobody forces them! They're here, they know the rules, the stakes, the risks! Do you understand what I am saying? No one is innocent -- including you! Does that mean it didn't bother you? -Is that what you wanted to hear? Something cold blooded... something remorseless... No. Something honest. -It. Tell it. For all I know it could be a machine. You said you didn't trust it. -You said you didn't trust it. I don't. -Do you have a passport? Several. -Several. Good. -Good. Where is it? -Where is it? Mexico. -Hey, where are you? Thinking. -Thinking. About? -About? Nothing. -I've never been to the Gulf of Mexico. Is it as nice as they say? I don't know. -I don't know. You were there? -That's where he'll be. What? -What? I wasn't expecting this. I need to think. -No. Why not? -Why not? It helps me to focus. It centers me, helps me think. -It helps me to focus. It centers me, helps me think. Oh. What do you think about? -Oh. What do you think about? Work. The things I need to get done. -Do you think about the game? Yes. -Yes. But you've never figured out a way to win. -But you've never figured out a way to win. No. -No. Not even a stalemate? -Not even a stalemate? No. -No. What happens if you do? -What will you do if this works, if we get the money? I don't know... maybe I'll live on a boat, sail to all the places I've never been. -I don't know... maybe I'll live on a boat, sail to all the places I've never been. That sounds nice. -I'm kind of tired. I think I'd like to try and get some sleep. You can have the bed. The chair is fine for me. -Do you think he's here? Here? -Here? In Costa Blanca. -In Costa Blanca. Yes. -What do you think he's doing? I don't know... But I'm sure he's not sleeping. -Breakfast. Why don't you bring it out here? It's beautiful out here. -I know what you are thinking. I'm not going to disappear, okay? I'm not going anywhere, just down there, to that beautiful beach. I got to get out of this room, just for a little while. Okay. -Okay. Really? -Really? He won't be looking for you. Just be careful. Buy a book. Keep your sunglasses on. -He won't be looking for you. Just be careful. Buy a book. Keep your sunglasses on. Book. Sunglasses. Great. -You should knock. Sorry. -Sorry. How was the beach? -How was the beach? The beach? It was nice. -Where did you learn it? Taiwan. -Taiwan. Not that I would know, but you look like you're really good at it. -Not that I would know, but you look like you're really good at it. Thank you. -Thank you. I've always wanted to learn something like that. -I've always wanted to learn something like that. You should. It's very important, that the body release the energy that builds in it. -Two way? Transmits and receives. -Transmits and receives. Cheap as shit. -I paid a lot for these. They saw you coming a mile away. If I had known we'd be using -- -They saw you coming a mile away. If I had known we'd be using -- It's too late now. Okay? We'll have to deal with these. -It's too late now. Okay? We'll have to deal with these. Fine. -This is the bank. This is the hotel. In the morning I will enter the bank. Check. -Check. He will be hidden somewhere out here, probably somewhere low, in the crowd. He'll stay there until he sees me enter the bank. -He will be hidden somewhere out here, probably somewhere low, in the crowd. He'll stay there until he sees me enter the bank. But he won't shoot you right then? -But he won't shoot you right then? No. It would be amateur. A risk. He'll wait for the prime shot, that he knows is coming. Once I'm inside, he'll move to the hotel. He'll go up the back, too much traffic in the front. -You'll be here. A restaurant. A public place far enough away that he won't notice you, but with a good enough view you'll be able to see him when he moves inside. Okay. Then what? -Okay. Then what? Then, we wait. -Then, we wait. Aiiee. More waiting? I don't know if I like this plan. -Aiiee. More waiting? I don't know if I like this plan. It will take the entire day, but he will begin to doubt himself. He will begin to believe that he missed me, that somehow I slipped by and am already on a plane to Europe. -The sun will be low, almost dark, the air cool and the bank will almost be closed. 5:45. 5:50. He will put the rifle down, he will get up and he will walk across the plaza to the bank. Why won't he wait until the bank closes? -Why won't he wait until the bank closes? He won't be able to. He'll have to go inside. He'll have to see with his own eyes, whether or not I am there. If the bank closes, he won't know for sure. He'll come. I'm sure. And when he does you'll go into the hotel, go upstairs and take the gun. -He won't be able to. He'll have to go inside. He'll have to see with his own eyes, whether or not I am there. If the bank closes, he won't know for sure. He'll come. I'm sure. And when he does you'll go into the hotel, go upstairs and take the gun. What? What if he brings it with him? -He can't. The bank has an expensive security system; metal detectors and X-ray machines. That means you won't have a gun. -That means you won't have a gun. That's right. -That's right. And with the mikes, I'll tell you when he leaves the hotel and you'll tell me when he leaves the bank. -And with the mikes, I'll tell you when he leaves the hotel and you'll tell me when he leaves the bank. If things go well, I don't have to. You'll already be in a rented car waiting for me. -If things go well, I don't have to. You'll already be in a rented car waiting for me. You'll have the money. How do I know that you won't -- -You'll have the money. How do I know that you won't -- I'll be walking out of the bank, unarmed. You'll have the gun and I'll drive the car. -I'll be walking out of the bank, unarmed. You'll have the gun and I'll drive the car. We split the money? -We split the money? Five million apiece. You get on your plane, I get on mine. -Five million apiece. You get on your plane, I get on mine. Sounds pretty well figured out. -Sounds pretty well figured out. I've been thinking about it for a long time. -I've been thinking about it for a long time. Except -- -Except -- What? -What? Except, if he doesn't come out of the hotel. -Except, if he doesn't come out of the hotel. I told you, he will. -I told you, he will. You can't know for sure, how can you? I mean, you're not him. -You can't know for sure, how can you? I mean, you're not him. I was. -Ten years ago, I sat there in that same hotel window, sweat pouring off of me waiting -- For Nicholai? -For Nicholai? Yes. -Yes. You killed him here? In this city, outside that bank? -What is it? I don't like this at all. What is going on here? I don't know. It just happened. I was here ten years ago, I'm here now. That's it. -I don't know. It just happened. I was here ten years ago, I'm here now. That's it. I don't believe that. -I don't believe that. It wasn't planned or premeditated. I swear. Things happened beyond my control. I understood; I saw where they were leading and I suppose that it just made sense. -It wasn't planned or premeditated. I swear. Things happened beyond my control. I understood; I saw where they were leading and I suppose that it just made sense. Ten years ago. -Ten years ago. Yes. -Yes. What happened? -What happened? I waited until I was insane and then I walked into the bank. He was sitting there, very calm, waiting for me. -I waited until I was insane and then I walked into the bank. He was sitting there, very calm, waiting for me. What did he want? -What did he want? He wanted what I want now; to get out of the business. To disappear to some empty Greek island. -He wanted what I want now; to get out of the business. To disappear to some empty Greek island. What did he say? -What did he say? He said I couldn't win. That no one wins at this game. -He said I couldn't win. That no one wins at this game. Was that it? -Was that it? Then he offered me one million dollars to walk away, to quit the business. -Then he offered me one million dollars to walk away, to quit the business. You didn't take it. -You didn't take it. No. I went back to the hotel. And waited. -No. I went back to the hotel. And waited. Ten years later, here you are again. -Ten years later, here you are again. Yes. Here I am again. -Do you have ulcers? No. -No. I think I got one today. -I think I got one today. Five million dollars will buy a lot of Rolaids. -Why did you trade a bishop for a knight? I hate bishops. They're useless. I like knights. -I hate bishops. They're useless. I like knights. They're worth less points. -They're worth less points. So? -Did you think they were newlyweds? I didn't notice them. -I didn't notice them. When I first saw them I thought they were married. -When I first saw them I thought they were married. How do you know they're not? -How do you know they're not? I went into their room this afternoon. -I went into their room this afternoon. What? -What? It was no big deal. I saw them leave, I went in. -It was no big deal. I saw them leave, I went in. Jesus, if someone had -- -Jesus, if someone had -- Nobody ever sees me. -Nobody ever sees me. Why in the hell would you take that chance? -Why in the hell would you take that chance? I heard them last night and it made me want to know something about them. I wanted to, so I did. -She is married, but not to him. Another man, much older. She has four kids. The young guy works for her. And I think she likes kinky sex. Thank you. -Thank you. Isn't it interesting though? I mean, look at us, in this room. Or yesterday, when we were walking in the plaza market. I mean, we look like just another couple. But what are we? Doesn't it seem so crazy? -Isn't it interesting though? I mean, look at us, in this room. Or yesterday, when we were walking in the plaza market. I mean, we look like just another couple. But what are we? Doesn't it seem so crazy? No. -No. No? -No? It's always been that way. The world has always functioned on two levels. -It's always been that way. The world has always functioned on two levels. I know. It makes me crazy. -I know. It makes me crazy. Why? -Why? I don't know. When I was in college, I was forced to go to a psychiatrist because I was caught drilling holes in my dorm room floor. -I don't know. When I was in college, I was forced to go to a psychiatrist because I was caught drilling holes in my dorm room floor. And you were drilling these holes...? -And you were drilling these holes...? So I could watch the girl that lived under me. -So I could watch the girl that lived under me. Apparently this doctor was unable to cure you. -Apparently this doctor was unable to cure you. He told me that my curiosity became unnaturally entangled with my sense of self-preservation. -He told me that my curiosity became unnaturally entangled with my sense of self-preservation. Did he explain how this happened? -Did he explain how this happened? He believed it all went back to one night, when as a little girl. I watched my parents have this big fight, really big. I thought my mother was going to kill my father. Then they went into their room and made up. And I watched them make love through the keyhole. -What are you doing? What? -What? That's a ridiculous move. -That's a ridiculous move. Why? -Why? Because, I'll take it. -Because, I'll take it. I'm playing white, remember. You can't tell me which pieces to move. It doesn't work that way. -Can I ask you something? I'm sure you will. -I'm sure you will. Am I attractive? -Yes. Are you attracted to me? -Are you attracted to me? Yes. -Yes. Why? -Why? Why? I don't know. -Why? I don't know. Is it a physical thing, or a mental thing? -Is it a physical thing, or a mental thing? Both. -Is that why you didn't want to talk about women before? I didn't want to complicate the situation. -I didn't want to complicate the situation. Attraction is a complication? -Attraction is a complication? It can be. -It can be. It happened to you before? -It happened to you before? Yes. -Yes. Who was she? -Who was she? Someone like me, like you. A pro. -Someone like me, like you. A pro. What happened to her? -What happened to her? She was taken. -She was taken. Did you -- -Did you -- No. I tried to stop it. I couldn't. -No. I tried to stop it. I couldn't. Was she the only one? -Was she the only one? After her, I realized that to survive I had to live without... It's dangerous to let things become complicated. -After her, I realized that to survive I had to live without... It's dangerous to let things become complicated. Is this becoming complicated? -Is this becoming complicated? I'm not sure that I care anymore. -Were you attracted to me right away? No. -No. When did it start? -When did it start? Honestly? -Honestly? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. When I gave you my gun and you almost shot me. -When I gave you my gun and you almost shot me. Maybe you should see a psychiatrist. -Maybe you should see a psychiatrist. Why? -Why? That doesn't sound normal. -That doesn't sound normal. I'm not normal. -I'm not normal. I know. That's why I'm attracted to you. I mean, you make me nervous. You're intimidating. Maybe it's my curiosity/self-preservation thing, but all I can really think about right now is kissing you. -Martin. Martin. -Four minutes. What? -What? I waited another four minutes. -I waited another four minutes. Shit. -Shit. Wait until he is on the stairs. -Wait until he is on the stairs. Right. -Right. I'm taking off my mike. -I'm taking off my mike. Okay. -Okay. Electra -- -Electra -- What? -What? Last night -- -Was nice. Yes. -He's coming, Electra! Get out now! Oh, God. I see it! -I wasn't watching television. The point is, they are paying for information. Real information. Not tooth paste brands. Not whether he wads of folds his toilet paper. And no 16 hours of recorded phone sex. You are wasting everyone's time with this shit. -The point is, they are paying for information. Real information. Not tooth paste brands. Not whether he wads of folds his toilet paper. And no 16 hours of recorded phone sex. You are wasting everyone's time with this shit. I thought it was interesting -- -I thought it was interesting -- God damnit, Electra. This is not a game. This is business. -God damnit, Electra. This is not a game. This is business. Right. In my hands I have five back-up disks he made of all of his work last night. -Right. In my hands I have five back-up disks he made of all of his work last night. Jesus! Why didn't you tell me? -Jesus! Why didn't you tell me? I'll make my usual arrangements and expect my usual bonus. -I'll make my usual arrangements and expect my usual bonus. Electra -- -Electra -- A pleasure doing business with you. -Hi. Did you call -- Yes. Please come in. -I prefer it like this. How can a beautiful man like you be shy? -Would you like a drink? I'd love one. Whatever you're having. -Why are you working today? Holidays are our busiest days. No one likes to be alone on holidays. I know I don't. -You're very good at this aren't you? I think you're supposed to answer that question. -That's okay, hon, I always expect the unexpected. I called because I just want... I need to talk. -For what? Honesty. -Do you ever regret things you've done? Everyone regrets something. -Everyone regrets something. But when you finLsh a job, afterwards do you think about them? -But when you finLsh a job, afterwards do you think about them? Sometimes. -Sometimes. Do you think about their wives or their families? -Do you think about their wives or their families? No. They call me, I don't call them. If they didn't call I wouldn't exist. -Do you ever think about starting over? All the time. -All the time. Can you tell me about it? -Then, I'll sail alone. Do you believe that? -Do you believe that? Are you asking me if I believe in another life? -Is that all you want? Yes. -Thank you. Anytime. -How much farther? Just a little ways. Up to those trees. -Hey, do you mind if I talk a little? I feel like, I don't know, talking I guess. Sure. -Sure. Funny, I've never been a talker. My wife was always getting on me about that. 'Say what you feel, tell me what's bothering you, you ve got to talk to me.' I never would though. Not really. -Funny, I've never been a talker. My wife was always getting on me about that. 'Say what you feel, tell me what's bothering you, you ve got to talk to me.' I never would though. Not really. Why not? -Why not? I don't know. Part of me wanted to but part of me always said, 'What's she going to be able to do?' I don't know. Maybe I didn't trust her. -I think I've heard of you. It's possible. -It's possible. You're pretty famous aren't you? -You're pretty famous aren't you? I hope not. -I hope not. I know this may seem like a strange question, but can I ask you how much the contract was for -- not to insult you or anything, I know you're a professional, but just for me, I was just wondering. -I know this may seem like a strange question, but can I ask you how much the contract was for -- not to insult you or anything, I know you're a professional, but just for me, I was just wondering. It's a common question. -It's a common question. Oh yeah? I guess we still need to see that price tag. Like art, right? You hang some painting that looks like baby-puke in your living room only if it costs a bundle. -Oh yeah? I guess we still need to see that price tag. Like art, right? You hang some painting that looks like baby-puke in your living room only if it costs a bundle. A dime. -A dime. One hundred thousand? That's it? Jesus... Is that a lot? -One hundred thousand? That's it? Jesus... Is that a lot? Average. -Average. Shit... oh well. -I have been thinking about this for a long while. I knew this day was coming. I knew someday someone would make the call on me. I never thought about anyone that I had whacked. What do you call it anyway? Taken. -Taken. 'Taken.' That's nice. When I had someone taken I would call our General Contractor, transfer the money and as soon as I hung up the phone I forgot about them. -'Taken.' That's nice. When I had someone taken I would call our General Contractor, transfer the money and as soon as I hung up the phone I forgot about them. Everyone who plays the game knows the rules. -Everyone who plays the game knows the rules. That's exactly what I told myself. -Don't know. That's how it works. That's what our General Contractor told us but how can you trust someone like that? -That's what our General Contractor told us but how can you trust someone like that? Right. -Right. I thought that I would be thinking about Margaret, or work, or that I'd be having these deep, profound and depressing thoughts but I'm not. I'm trying to think really profound thoughts, but I can't. It seems very funny to me. -I thought that I would be thinking about Margaret, or work, or that I'd be having these deep, profound and depressing thoughts but I'm not. I'm trying to think really profound thoughts, but I can't. It seems very funny to me. What are you thinking about? -What are you thinking about? I'm thinking about Moonpies. Ain't that funny? I haven't had a Moonpie since I was ten years old. Right now, I'm thinking how much I'd love one. -I'm thinking about Moonpies. Ain't that funny? I haven't had a Moonpie since I was ten years old. Right now, I'm thinking how much I'd love one. And an R.C. -Can I ask you something? Go ahead. -Go ahead. What do other guys do? -Everyone handles it differently. Some are ready, some are not. Do they get down on their knees, begging and crying? -Do they get down on their knees, begging and crying? Some. -Some. When I thought about this, that was always there, in the back of my head, that image of me on my knees, crying. It wouldn't go away and it would really upset me. It was something that I could never get away from... but now, I feel it's okay. I feel good. -When I thought about this, that was always there, in the back of my head, that image of me on my knees, crying. It wouldn't go away and it would really upset me. It was something that I could never get away from... but now, I feel it's okay. I feel good. Can I ask you a question? -Can I ask you a question? Anything. -Anything. Why didn't you fade? -Why didn't you fade? You mean quit? -You mean quit? Yeah. -Yeah. I used to think about it. I had Margaret. She wanted kids. I thought about moving somewhere far away like, Europe. I could see all of that, the first part, the getting away but I couldn't see that next part. 'Then what?' So I'd stop thinking about it and go back to work. You understand? -I used to think about it. I had Margaret. She wanted kids. I thought about moving somewhere far away like, Europe. I could see all of that, the first part, the getting away but I couldn't see that next part. 'Then what?' So I'd stop thinking about it and go back to work. You understand? Yeah. -Look at that. I haven't watched the sun set in a million years. Do you mind? No. -You wish to close this account today? That's correct. -That's correct. How would you like the funds? -How would you like the funds? American currency. -American currency. This will take some time. -This will take some time. I have all day. -Excellent, senor. If you could follow me? I'm sorry, but I am waiting for an associate. Can you hold everything for me until he arrives? -I'm sorry, but I am waiting for an associate. Can you hold everything for me until he arrives? Of course, senor. -Of course, senor. Thank you. -That's true Doug, writers are supposed to write. And pay for their drinks occasionally. -What are you having? A coke, if they have it? -A coke, if they have it? Hey Doug, you want a beer? -Cheers Katka! Naz dravi!.....What do you like about this place, these people, Chris? -Naz dravi!.....What do you like about this place, these people, Chris? I don't know. It's kind of underground. Doug's right, there's too much crap in this town. -I don't know. It's kind of underground. Doug's right, there's too much crap in this town. I used to think he was right about a lot of things but now I don't know. I thought he was going somewhere but now I think I am wasting my time. -I used to think he was right about a lot of things but now I don't know. I thought he was going somewhere but now I think I am wasting my time. No, you guys are great together. He'll come through, I'm sure. -So how's your work? It's okay, they're training me on the cash register and after I hope to work on one of the jewellery counters. -It's okay, they're training me on the cash register and after I hope to work on one of the jewellery counters. Sounds cool.....Do you think he's serious about squatting a place? -Sounds cool.....Do you think he's serious about squatting a place? I don't know, I don't care. I see too much of him and he's changed. He used to be busy at the magazine. But now he's been doing nothing for months, like he doesn't care about anything, including me. -I don't know, I don't care. I see too much of him and he's changed. He used to be busy at the magazine. But now he's been doing nothing for months, like he doesn't care about anything, including me. Well, he sure seems fired up all of a sudden. -Well, he sure seems fired up all of a sudden. It won't last, believe me. And you, when will you go back to the States? -It won't last, believe me. And you, when will you go back to the States? I don't know, maybe I'll enrol for postgrad' studies next Autumn. -Your a good guy Chris you deserve a nice girl. Like you? -Like you? No, better than me. You know, I have many friends, you should meet more of them. -He_s the closest we've got to an intellectual. What's that? A Democrat with an attitude! -Fresh from the shrink I'd say! Yeah, group bloody therapy time. -What is it with that Josh guy? Who does he think he is shoving that Reflections rag down our throats? Son of the American ambassador and a banker - good enough? -Son of the American ambassador and a banker - good enough? Wanker more like, what does he know about writing. -How to make a buck! Yeah right!....I don't know, something isn't right with this place, it's all too sterile and staged. Do you ever wonder why there's no Czechs here? -Yeah right!....I don't know, something isn't right with this place, it's all too sterile and staged. Do you ever wonder why there's no Czechs here? Because it's in English? -Because it's in English? Yeah, but it's not just that. To the Czech mind, any movement, whether political or literary should be underground. If it isn't, then it's not radical and not worthy of a look-in. -Yeah, but it's not just that. To the Czech mind, any movement, whether political or literary should be underground. If it isn't, then it's not radical and not worthy of a look-in. But we are underground? -But we are underground? No you don't get it. Every cabby in town knows this joint. So where's the mystery, the danger? -Inspirations a fickle thing, you don't realise you had it till it's gone. And not even then sometimes. -You guys having a go a me or what? We're only joking.....It is your round though! -We're only joking.....It is your round though! Well, this place is too expensive so you've had it. -Sorry Katka, but I'm with Doug on this. You're outnumbered Kat two to one, got to go with the majority, that's democracy. -What about that squat bar you showed me, is that open on a Sunday? Yeah, let's check out the low-life. -Anything in it? No, just crap. I want some picture frames. -No, just crap. I want some picture frames. Never heard of K-MART? -I don't have the money for those Bourgeois traps. Hell, I'm making what a Czech earns. Yeah and they manage to go to bourgeois joints! -It all comes down to ideology and they've lost theirs. If I'd been here ten years ago, maybe they wouldn't be in the mess they are today. What's that? Free! -What's that? Free! Just because they've got a choice of four McDonalds, doesn't mean they can afford a cheeseburger. -Just because they've got a choice of four McDonalds, doesn't mean they can afford a cheeseburger. Give'em a break Doug, all it takes is a little work. -Who's your friend? That's Lubosh, the greatest fiddle player in Prague. You must have seen him playing with Johnny on the bridge. ......Come on, let's grab a table. -Hmm..Smells good. Cheers! What did the beer cost? -What did the beer cost? Fifteen crowns. -Fifteen crowns. This place is getting expensive too, used to be twelve. -This place is getting expensive too, used to be twelve. Still, fifty cents ain't bad. -Oh yeah, what's that? An alternative literary venue! -An alternative literary venue! I ain't sure poetry will go down too well here. -I ain't sure poetry will go down too well here. No, it's the whole idea behind it. How did they get this place? -No, it's the whole idea behind it. How did they get this place? Squatted it. -Squatted it. Right and not just the bar, Lubosh and his mates took the whole freakin' building. -Right and not just the bar, Lubosh and his mates took the whole freakin' building. So? DOUG Well, there's tons of empty buildings - why don't we get one? -What we need is a space for real performance art. A cultural exchange for radical expressionism. "You've got to stop using that word ""we"" it's getting kind of scary. Right Katka?" -He's not drunk, he's crazy. Maybe, but someone's got to make a stand. -Maybe, but someone's got to make a stand. Like Custer huh? -Like Custer huh? These guys think the West is just MTV and Hollywood movies. We've got to show them there's more to it. -Good news comrades, it's better than we'd hoped. Lubosh filled me in on the legal side of squatting here and it's a piece of cake. Care to elaborate? -Care to elaborate? Well, providing we're treated like Czechs and we squat something that's not privately owned, we should be in the clear; at least DOUG until they get an eviction order and bring in the bailiffs. -Well, providing we're treated like Czechs and we squat something that's not privately owned, we should be in the clear; at least DOUG until they get an eviction order and bring in the bailiffs. "Amazing, he didn't even say ""if""." -"Amazing, he didn't even say ""if""." "No ""if's"" or ""but's"" it's a cinch. Do you want to know what the icing is?" -Okay, we're listening. But I'm with Katka on this one. Well, it's like I said, there's a ton of empty buildings around here and most of them were apparently given back to the city, so they're not private.... Now, Jahn here is an drama student at the University. He knows of a building that they were going to turn into a puppet theatre - they even began work on it, until they ran out of money. -Well, it's like I said, there's a ton of empty buildings around here and most of them were apparently given back to the city, so they're not private.... Now, Jahn here is an drama student at the University. He knows of a building that they were going to turn into a puppet theatre - they even began work on it, until they ran out of money. Puppet theatre, don't you need something a little bigger? -Puppet theatre, don't you need something a little bigger? It's big, right Jahn? -Okay, it's in here somewhere. Let's keep it quiet. We could make a run for it? -You were right Jahn, it's a great space..... Hey, Chris. Do you want to come and look? No thanks, I think we ought to get going though. -Chris, what if I were to cut you in as partner in this project - together we could make it swing, all it needs is a good clean out and the power on, then we're in business. I don't know man, I'll drink beer and shoot crap with you anytime, but this is different. -I don't know man, I'll drink beer and shoot crap with you anytime, but this is different. Damn right it is, it's a chance to do something meaningful for a change, to leave our mark on this town. Hell, you'll probably be gone in another six months and all you'll have done is taught some kids the lines to a Led Zep' song - c'mon, don't run out on me now! -Damn right it is, it's a chance to do something meaningful for a change, to leave our mark on this town. Hell, you'll probably be gone in another six months and all you'll have done is taught some kids the lines to a Led Zep' song - c'mon, don't run out on me now! Alright I give in. But let's not end up in jail. Okay? -Alright I give in. But let's not end up in jail. Okay? You got my word on it. -No, I got nothing till Tuesday. Great. Let's say nine o'clock here tomorrow. Catch you later partner. -That stinks! Yeah, that could be job number two. I think it's a sewer. -"No, but like my dad said, ""There's only so many ways you can wire a plug""." He was an electrician? -He was an electrician? No, he was talking about girls, I think. -No, he was talking about girls, I think. That makes you an expert I guess. -That makes you an expert I guess. Too right....Now the other thing we've got to do is start clearing up the rubble. Can you make a start on that? -I feel like a mole in this joint, so I guess I might as well come out lookin' like one! Don't worry, I'll give you a hand as soon as I can. -Just two things. What do I use to shift the stuff and where in hell am I gonna put it all? Scout around and see if there's something, check that other corridor. If there's nothing, nip out and buy a broom and shovel. -Scout around and see if there's something, check that other corridor. If there's nothing, nip out and buy a broom and shovel. And put it on expenses? -And put it on expenses? Sure....As for the crap, I've got an idea. -Somehow, I'm going to have to band-aid that thing since we can't really replace it and then put a walkway over it. So? -So? Well, we might as well start filling it in now. As long as you leave enough room around that end of the pipe - so I can get to it, we're set. Use them wooden boards to stop it all spilling into the space - We'll neaten it up later. -Well, we might as well start filling it in now. As long as you leave enough room around that end of the pipe - so I can get to it, we're set. Use them wooden boards to stop it all spilling into the space - We'll neaten it up later. "You sure got a handle on that word ""we""." -Not bad hey, I think I'll add Sparkie to my resume.....Good shovel! Yeah, you're in luck there's two of them, the other's in there. -Yeah, you're in luck there's two of them, the other's in there. Later Mate, right now I've got to do the locks on these doors so we don't have to climb through that bloody window every time. -Later Mate, right now I've got to do the locks on these doors so we don't have to climb through that bloody window every time. I thought that was part of the charm! -I thought that was part of the charm! I'll drill the locks and replace the barrels, that way it won't cost so much. -I'll drill the locks and replace the barrels, that way it won't cost so much. A locksmith too? Why d'you ever bother with writing? -A locksmith too? Why d'you ever bother with writing? I'm making history Chris, nothings going to stop me. There could be a knighthood for us in this, once President Havel hears. -I'm making history Chris, nothings going to stop me. There could be a knighthood for us in this, once President Havel hears. I'll settle for a pardon. You gotta drill? -I'll settle for a pardon. You gotta drill? No.....But I think Honza at the office has. You keep shifting this crap and I'll take care of the locks, shouldn't take long. Take a break for lunch and I'll catch you up later. -No.....But I think Honza at the office has. You keep shifting this crap and I'll take care of the locks, shouldn't take long. Take a break for lunch and I'll catch you up later. And if the police stop by - what do I tell them? -And if the police stop by - what do I tell them? Tell them we're working for the University. -Tell them we're working for the University. Thought of everything haven't you. -Thought of everything haven't you. Yep, except a name for this place. -Yep, except a name for this place. You're nuts man, Katka's right! -Wow!....What have you been doing, rolling around in it? No, just making my contribution to cultural enlightenment, that's all. -No, just making my contribution to cultural enlightenment, that's all. Well, don't get carried away. -Well, don't get carried away. I'll try not to, I'll leave that to you. Anyway, there's still plenty more of it. -I'll try not to, I'll leave that to you. Anyway, there's still plenty more of it. Good, I love swinging a shovel. -No, why? 'cause you stink of booze. -'cause you stink of booze. Yeah, that was Honza's idea, I had to buy him a few beers in return for the gear. -Yeah, that was Honza's idea, I had to buy him a few beers in return for the gear. Tough break. -I'm an idiot? Nope, not even close. I've thought of a name for this place and you were the inspiration though. -Nope, not even close. I've thought of a name for this place and you were the inspiration though. "Really, ""The Freeman Centre""?" -"Really, ""The Freeman Centre""?" No....The Asylum! -No....The Asylum! Oh yeah, what's my connection to that? -Oh yeah, what's my connection to that? None, it's mine - you said it earlier, I'm nuts. -None, it's mine - you said it earlier, I'm nuts. I've been saying that since we met. -I've been saying that since we met. Yes, but it suddenly clicked, this is going to be a crazy place and, since the Commies are used to seeking asylum, we can use that in the marketing. -Perfect, but I can't use it right now, I've got to get these locks done; it's a matter of priorities. Yeah, I'm beginning to see that. -Yeah, I'm beginning to see that. Just save me a little patch and I'll do it later. -I don't know but that used to be a window and I think that was a door. Can you do the lock on it? -Can you do the lock on it? No, it's welded up!....Let's take a look from the inside. -It must be on the other side of this. But how did the wall get here? -But how did the wall get here? I don't know. This wall isn't like the rest though, it's not all that old either. -I'd love to get in there. Don't we have enough already? -Don't we have enough already? It must be fair old size, suppose it's empty? -It must be fair old size, suppose it's empty? And suppose a little old lady lives there? -And suppose a little old lady lives there? No way, it's sealed - if she's in there she's dead. -No way, it's sealed - if she's in there she's dead. Sounds like a good reason to leave it alone. -Sounds like a good reason to leave it alone. Just think though, it would make a hell of a cafe, that way we keep the auditorium clear. -Well, it's definitely there - We've just got to get to it. Why, how in the hell are we going to set up a cafe? -Why, how in the hell are we going to set up a cafe? I'll rig up something don't worry - Do you think I could bash through with that little hammer? -I'll rig up something don't worry - Do you think I could bash through with that little hammer? I don't know Doug, we haven't even got the place together and already you want to extend it. -I don't know Doug, we haven't even got the place together and already you want to extend it. Don't worry if the old lady's there I'll brick it back up. -Look I gotta get going, shouldn't you have met Katka? Is it gone four-thirty? -Need any disks? Yeah, I'll take some. -Yeah, her name's Kavlova, why? See if she can donate some paintings or something to hang on these walls, give it a bit of atmosphere. -See if she can donate some paintings or something to hang on these walls, give it a bit of atmosphere. You'd be better off with tables and chairs. -Moved on to plumbing huh? We got a party tomorrow night. Can't have the place smelling like shit. -I thought you were gonna throw these? I had a better idea, we'll burn them. There's a drum across the road; I was just waiting for the workers to go home. -I had a better idea, we'll burn them. There's a drum across the road; I was just waiting for the workers to go home. Destroy the evidence huh. -Destroy the evidence huh. Have you ever stolen anything? -Have you ever stolen anything? Nope. -Nope. Could you handle it if it was in a good cause? -Could you handle it if it was in a good cause? Like helping a sick kid? -Like helping a sick kid? No, for the Asylum. -No, for the Asylum. Close! -Close! Just aiding and abetting if it makes you feel better. -Just aiding and abetting if it makes you feel better. What's that, five instead of ten years jail. -What's that, five instead of ten years jail. They'll never get us. -Perfect! It looks new, they might miss one or two. -It looks new, they might miss one or two. We're going to need it all. -We're going to need it all. Jesus Doug, they'll execute us! -Jesus Doug, they'll execute us! Stealing's stealing, we might as well get what we need. This'll do for the floor and the walkway too. -Let's split. Not yet, we need a few lengths of scaffold. -Not yet, we need a few lengths of scaffold. Why don't we just take the whole damn building, brick by brick Doug. -Why don't we just take the whole damn building, brick by brick Doug. Look at it this way, it's their contribution. If we'd explained it to them, they'd probably have given it to us anyway. -Look at it this way, it's their contribution. If we'd explained it to them, they'd probably have given it to us anyway. So why didn't we? -So why didn't we? We don't speak Czech! -Afternoon! Am I late? -Am I late? No, not if you've got better things to do. -No, not if you've got better things to do. Who put a bee up your butt? -Like a hand? When your ready Son! -Do you think anyone will really come here? Well, I think I_ve got a handle on the Czech pysche and I reckon this kind of joint will make _em reminisce about the sixties. Plus we should get a few stray expat_s looking for Kafka. -Fancy some lunch after we_re through with this Meccano shit? Sure, I think it_s your turn to buy too. -We'd better get some booze in for tonight. You should have said it was Bring-A-Bottle. -You should have said it was Bring-A-Bottle. No, I figure once they see the place and we get'em a little drunk, they'll all want to help. We should have that floor done in a day or so. -Here, let's both put in two hundred crowns. That should get nine or ten bottles of wine. No beer? -No beer? Not on the opening night, wouldn't look right. -You get the wine and I'll go see if I can rustle up some plastic cups. Why don't we go together? -Why don't we go together? No, it could take me hours. You know what it's like trying to find things in this town, not to mention disposable stuff - I wouldn't think they've ever heard of them. -Red or white? Both, see you later. -I see, you've got your hands too far up your collective arse to pull it out long enough except to drink my bloody wine. Forget it Doug, it's no good. -Have you cleared all the rubble up? No, not yet. -No, not yet. You're all bloody useless. -Get me a couple of beers and a salami. We could make a start on the floor afterwards. -We could make a start on the floor afterwards. No, We aren't going to do it. -No, We aren't going to do it. What? -Thanks. Come on Chris, give me a hand. I can't, I've got to split. I have to take a class at two o'clock. -My God! What happened? I fell in love. -I fell in love. And a tram hit you? -And a tram hit you? No, the boyfriend. -No, the boyfriend. What happened to Katka? -What happened to Katka? Didn't I tell you, she dumped me Monday night. -Didn't I tell you, she dumped me Monday night. You Romeo's sure pay a high price sometimes - anyone I know? -You Romeo's sure pay a high price sometimes - anyone I know? Holly! -Holly! Couldn't keep your hands off the hired help, huh? -Couldn't keep your hands off the hired help, huh? It just happened. -It just happened. She's as American as apple pie too. Have you figured out exactly what it is you despise about them? -She's as American as apple pie too. Have you figured out exactly what it is you despise about them? She's cool. -She's cool. A fine specimen for conversion. -A fine specimen for conversion. What are you on about? -What are you on about? Well, I take it you're going to drag her down to your minimal existence and adjust her mindset. -Don't tell me you really are in love? Yeah and I got the bruises to prove it. So what? -Yeah and I got the bruises to prove it. So what? Nothing, it's just that's when things usually start to go wrong. -Chris, can you do me a favour? What? -What? Take the drill back to Honza at the office, I promised to get it back for the weekend and I don't want to show my face there. -Take the drill back to Honza at the office, I promised to get it back for the weekend and I don't want to show my face there. You might make Henry happy......Sure, I'll do it. -You might make Henry happy......Sure, I'll do it. Good, and then type up a notice on your computer for tonight's thing, photocopy it and put it up in all the faculty buildings and a couple of the pubs. It'll start at eight o'clock and the bar will be open from seven. Holly and I'll go and get some beer and wine. Can you bankroll the bar for tonight? -Shit no, it'll be twice cost. You capitalist pig! -You capitalist pig! The performance is free what more do you want....I've set that old phone up as a donation box and I'll get Jahn to write out a sign....Okay, let's get going. -Does Jahn's thing have a name? Hey Jahn.....You got a name for this thing? -It's me you want, I'm responsible for all this. He's lying! I am. -Chris! Tell me some good news. Tell me some bad news? -Tell me some bad news? I don't want to ruin your day. -I don't want to ruin your day. That bad? -That bad? Your too good for this town, Buddy. -Your too good for this town, Buddy. So I hear. -So I hear. Huh? -Huh? I had a visit from the British Embassy. They think I'm a stray soccer hooligan. -I had a visit from the British Embassy. They think I'm a stray soccer hooligan. They ain't the only ones. -I stopped by your office. Henry was steaming, he says he's going to throw you out of the window and that you never worked at the Bugler. He got that one right. -He got that one right. Honza says they'll print an open letter to President Havel in next weeks edition even if they have to threaten a walk-out. -They're good guys..... Have you seen Holly? No, but I ran into Jahn, seems him and his friends are in big trouble with the University, they might even be expelled. -No, but I ran into Jahn, seems him and his friends are in big trouble with the University, they might even be expelled. Damn! -Damn! Did you see a lawyer and go before a judge? -Did you see a lawyer and go before a judge? Yeah. I tell you, they're one big happy family over there. -Yeah. I tell you, they're one big happy family over there. What happened? -What happened? I don't know, I'm waiting for the transcript. -I don't know, I'm waiting for the transcript. You're kidding. -You're kidding. Well, the trial's in two weeks, but I think they've already sentenced me. They just need to check if Siberia can slot me in. -Well, the trial's in two weeks, but I think they've already sentenced me. They just need to check if Siberia can slot me in. WE gotta think of something. -WE gotta think of something. Now you're using that word. -Now you're using that word. I could try and get a Western lawyer. -You know, there is one thing I can't figure out. All along they've been bugging me about those files and when I told them I'd burned all that stuff, they went nuts - they told the Consul guy they were medical records? So? -So? Well, it seems they've dropped any charge relating to the files. -Well, it seems they've dropped any charge relating to the files. Lucky break! -Lucky break! Maybe, but I've started to wonder what those files were all about. Suppose it was old KGB stuff and had the dirt on big people or maybe the personnel records of the secret police, that might explain all the hassle and the cover-up. -Maybe, but I've started to wonder what those files were all about. Suppose it was old KGB stuff and had the dirt on big people or maybe the personnel records of the secret police, that might explain all the hassle and the cover-up. Did you see anything in the files? -Did you see anything in the files? It was all in Czech wasn't it. -It was all in Czech wasn't it. What happened to those disks I gave you, have you still got them? -What happened to those disks I gave you, have you still got them? Yeah, somewhere? -Yeah, somewhere? Suppose those contained all the file info too? You could have a third or so of it there. -Suppose those contained all the file info too? You could have a third or so of it there. Do you want me to see what's on them? -Do you want me to see what's on them? No point, it'll be in Czech and God knows what format. But if I'm right, they could be my ticket out of here. -No point, it'll be in Czech and God knows what format. But if I'm right, they could be my ticket out of here. And if you're wrong. -And if you're wrong. Siberia. -Siberia. What do you want me to do? -What do you want me to do? Get me one of the disks. Ask a Czech girl to smuggle it in to me this evening. Put the others in a locker and write the details in a note to Reuters and be ready to send it, if this doesn't work. You'd better keep clear of your apartment too. Do you know someone with a phone? -Get me one of the disks. Ask a Czech girl to smuggle it in to me this evening. Put the others in a locker and write the details in a note to Reuters and be ready to send it, if this doesn't work. You'd better keep clear of your apartment too. Do you know someone with a phone? Yeah, Dave Walters. -Yeah, Dave Walters. Good, what's his number? -It's...42 56 76 . 42 56 76......... Okay, you wait at Dave's for my call tomorrow, if you don't hear from me by three o'clock, send that note and get out of the country fast. -42 56 76......... Okay, you wait at Dave's for my call tomorrow, if you don't hear from me by three o'clock, send that note and get out of the country fast. Doug, I can't just leave you! -Doug, I can't just leave you! You're in the clear, keep it that way, I'll be okay. -If I cut a deal, I'm not staying in this country and I want Holly to come with me. So, if she doesn't come here today, you're going to have to get her to me tomorrow; after I call, promise? Sure....Anything else I can do for you? -Sure....Anything else I can do for you? You could give me your baseball, so I can drive this bastard nuts.....He's been playing chequers for eight hours and still hasn't won a game. -God, I think I need a holiday. Some deal you did there! -Some deal you did there! I should have read the fine print. I love you Holly, thanks. -What about me? Here! -Time for lunch I think. I'll get the sandwiches. What would you like Holly? I'm not hungry, really. -Yeah, no problem. We ain't going to give it away this time, are we? -I can't go with him. Look, I don't care whether you go with Doug or not, but you_ve got to see him before he leaves. -You don't understand, I can't! Listen, Doug took the rap for us all so grab your coat 'cause you're going. -I made a deal with Josh. What? -What? It was a condition of getting Doug out. -It was a condition of getting Doug out. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? In return for Doug's freedom, I was never to see him again, I had to - it was his only chance. -In return for Doug's freedom, I was never to see him again, I had to - it was his only chance. Josh didn't get Doug out of jail, he did a deal in return for some computer disks we'd held onto. -You mean, Josh's father had nothing to do with it? No! -No! You're sure? -You're sure? Sure I'm sure! -Well, he should be on his way back to his apartment by now. Do you know the way? -Do you know the way? Sure, it's on the red metro line you.... -Sure, it's on the red metro line you.... No, by road? -No, by road? Yeah, pretty well. -Yeah, pretty well. Good we'll take Josh's Jeep, come on! -Take this exit. That one? -That one? Yeah! -Jesus Holly, we got enough time. Okay, but I don't want to miss him. -Okay, but I don't want to miss him. Follow that Budjovice sign. -It's that one isn't it. Yeah....Shit, those guys have guns. -There shooting at something. Doug? -Doug? Turn around quick! -Good morning. I'm just here to record some details, standard stuff. -I'm just here to record some details, standard stuff. You mean your NOT going to spring me? -I don't know what it is with you bloody hooligans. Not content with causing trouble back home, YOU idiots have to go off and wreak havoc throughout the whole of Europe. And when finally, the police do catch up with you, you expect us to wave a magic wand and get you out, well not this time, I'm sorry. So am I. -So am I. Now - Your name is Douglas Greenwell, yes? -Now - Your name is Douglas Greenwell, yes? Yes. -Yes. Date of birth, November the fourth nineteen-sixty-two. -Date of birth, November the fourth nineteen-sixty-two. Yes. -Yes. Your home address is 18 Thornton Avenue, Coventry. -Your home address is 18 Thornton Avenue, Coventry. That's my mum's. -That's my mum's. I see, would you like us to inform her of your situation? -I see, would you like us to inform her of your situation? No! -No! Now, have you been read your rights and are you aware of the charges? -Now, have you been read your rights and are you aware of the charges? No! -No! Well, I'll try and get that clarified. As I understand it though, the charges include break and enter, theft, trespass, operating an unlicensed facility, vandalism and destruction of government documents - Whatever possessed you to start destroying people's medical records? -Well, I'll try and get that clarified. As I understand it though, the charges include break and enter, theft, trespass, operating an unlicensed facility, vandalism and destruction of government documents - Whatever possessed you to start destroying people's medical records? They didn't look like medical files to me. -They didn't look like medical files to me. Well a plea of ignorance won't go far here. Frankly, I think you deserve everything that's coming. -Well a plea of ignorance won't go far here. Frankly, I think you deserve everything that's coming. Regards to Her Majesty. -Before you go, did you get those bruises here? Sure, they wanted to know if I ever voted Conservative. -Hey, Lawrence how are you doing mate? Doug, haven't seen you for a while. -Doug, haven't seen you for a while. I've been around. -I've been around. Have you met Holly? Josh's friend. -Have you met Holly? Josh's friend. No! Look Lawrence, I've taken over the lease on a theatre downtown and I'm throwing a party tomorrow night to show it off. It's going to be for alternative arts, but I need some help to finish it off, can you put the word out? -No! Look Lawrence, I've taken over the lease on a theatre downtown and I'm throwing a party tomorrow night to show it off. It's going to be for alternative arts, but I need some help to finish it off, can you put the word out? Sure. Excellent. -Sure. Excellent. Here's the details. -I'd like to talk with you about doing some performance poetry here....A weekly thing. Hmm, I see possibilities but you got a lot to do. -Hmm, I see possibilities but you got a lot to do. We should be done by the weekend. -We should be done by the weekend. Really? -Really? I could pencil you in if you like? -I could pencil you in if you like? I'll take a rain-check for now. -Turned Czech huh? Yeah, maybe. -Lawrence is getting derogatory again. Shhhhh, I'm concentrating! -Shhhhh, I'm concentrating! I think he's jealous of Havel. -So why don't you get up and speak something, then we will see who is crazy. Ooh, well excuse me. -Why don't you read something after the break? DOUG What here? Weren't you listening to what I just said? You used to read. -You used to read. Well not any more, now I'm a serious writer and above this crap. -Well, get me and Chris a drink then. I'll get the drinks, but not here. Let's split. I can't stand this any more, it's murdering my respect for literature. -I'll get the drinks, but not here. Let's split. I can't stand this any more, it's murdering my respect for literature. But I don't want to go, I am enjoying it. -But I don't want to go, I am enjoying it. How about you Brutus? -So what's it going to be, Coogan's or U Vayvudoo? I don't care. I'm not staying out late Doug. -I'm not staying out late and I can't come back to your place. Whatever! -A word of advice my celibate friend. These Czech girls look like dynamite and go like it, but don't be fooled; there's a price to be paid and it's going up fast. Right Kat? What? -What? You're everything a guy could want. -It's just talk, he's drunk. No I'm not, I came to Prague looking for something - this could be it! -Don't give me this Kat, I'm doing it for you and your country. What? You are crazy! -What? You are crazy! Look, just hear me out, okay? -Doug I can't, I've got to be at work by eight. You promised to take me home. Look Kat it'll only take ten minutes. Without Jahn I might never find it... We'll just have a quick look and then you and I'll hit a tram. -I don't want to get in trouble. Don't worry it's okay! -I'm not going in Doug. I'll wait for you here. Okay, whatever. Come on Chris! -Doug you said you wouldn't be long. Come on, I've got to go. Now! Alright, I'm coming. It's the perfect place Jahn, thanks. -It's not fair, you hardly talked to me tonight. I'm sorry but it's been a crazy evening. I'm going to make that place into something big. God, I love you! -Let's walk over the bridge, we haven't done that for a while. We should go to the Metro it's quicker. -We should go to the Metro it's quicker. Nonsense, we can pick up the tram on the other side, it won't take any longer. Come on! -Kat, I'm in paradise. I don't ever want to leave. So, we won't be going to London? -So, we won't be going to London? No, not just yet. -I hope you're going to invite me in? Everybody is at home, it's no good. -Everybody is at home, it's no good. Let's have a look anyway. -She's tired. It's bad news when you can't even bribe kids. -I want you so bad. She'll be asleep soon, maybe we could do it quietly under the sheets. No way Doug, I can't. -No way Doug, I can't. Yeah, you're right.... I've got an idea! -Beer please! Do you want another drink? Fernet and tonic. -I think I'm stupid.....All you do is use me and expect me to wait for you. No. -No. I thought you loved me Doug but all you want from me is sex. -That's not true, we have a great time together. I've said I'm sorry. Let's forget about it and go stop by my place, so I can get changed. Oh sure and you will want sex, always sex. -I could have my choice of many boyfriends and go to movies and discos but I waste my time waiting for you and then going to stupid pubs. I'm not a bloody teenager okay, I told you I can't do that shit. -I'm not a bloody teenager okay, I told you I can't do that shit. That's it, I am just stupid teenager, yes? -That's it, I am just stupid teenager, yes? Right now, yeah - you're talking crap. -No, I love you, really. Then tell me, what will happen? Tell me! -Then tell me, what will happen? Tell me! Look, I love you Katka but I'm twelve years older, I could never marry you, it'd be stupid, you know that! -I thought for sure they would catch me. Thanks. -Will it help to get you out? I hope so! -If you get out can we be together again. I'm no good for you Katka, besides I won't be able to stay in Prague. -I'm no good for you Katka, besides I won't be able to stay in Prague. But we could go to London and live in England. -But we could go to London and live in England. No Kat, I lied to you, I hate England and I don't ever want to live there again. -I don't understand, it's your home? There's nothing there for me. -There's nothing there for me. I'm sorry about what I said, really I am. Just take me with you, I don't care where. -Forget about me Kat. But I love you! -It was a mistake, I never wanted to hurt you, but it had to end sooner or later and now, well now I love someone else. No, it's not true, you're lying. -No, it's not true, you're lying. Not this time, Kat. -Yeah, for sure. And, since it's only two streets away, I suggest we go take a look. Now! -No, I am an actor not a labourer, I am just warning you, that's all. Don't worry, I've got lots of friends. -Interesting. Do reckon I could fit through here? Sure, I've done it easily. -Sure, I've done it easily. Hey Chris, keep an eye on things. -Hi, want to take up dancing? Later. Jahn, I've been let down by the guys who were going to do the flooring. They brought the materials but took my money and ran. You guys have a school theatre don't you? -Later. Jahn, I've been let down by the guys who were going to do the flooring. They brought the materials but took my money and ran. You guys have a school theatre don't you? Yes, The Obelisk but it's closed for repairs. -Yes, The Obelisk but it's closed for repairs. So I hear, do you know some of the stage hands? -So I hear, do you know some of the stage hands? Sure, they are students. -Sure, they are students. Well, I want them to put down a floor and a walkway. -There's three thousand crowns, it's all I got. It's not so much. -It's not so much. Look, if you can get them to finish it by Friday, you and your friends can do the opening performance that night. -Look, if you can get them to finish it by Friday, you and your friends can do the opening performance that night. Can we charge admission? -Can we charge admission? Donations only! And make the thing non-lingual, so everyone gets a handle on it. -I'll do my best. Is the place open. Yep, it's all yours. -Yep, it's all yours. Okay. -They'll do it. Great. And your all set for the performance? -Great. And your all set for the performance? Yeah, it's a simple piece. If they get the floor done in time, me and the others will rehearse tomorrow afternoon, but it's not critical. -Yeah, it's a simple piece. If they get the floor done in time, me and the others will rehearse tomorrow afternoon, but it's not critical. Don't go making it too simple, we're on the cutting edge here. -No thanks, I must go, but maybe you could get some beers for the guys. Don't worry. Thanks. -Yes, it's looks good.....We will use this for the soundtrack and we will have two guys up there with the spotlights. The others will just be house lights. Great....How long will it go for? -Great....How long will it go for? About forty minutes. -About forty minutes. Cool....So, if we say eight o'clock. -Okay? Yo, dobree! -It is okay........We will paint the wood black, yes? Yeah, great....Dobchay! It will dry, yes? -Yeah, great....Dobchay! It will dry, yes? Yes, of course...maybe one hour. -Yes, of course...maybe one hour. Good, great....Dobchay! -Tomorrow, we will bring some lights and also hang some fabric. I think it will be finished in the morning. It's perfect, you've done a great job. -You mean you don't know, Henry! We got a bunch of anarchists, controlling a six-level block of luxury apartments down on Janovska street here in the Old Town, and you don't know about it? Ah, so what? -Ah, so what? That's only the half of it. I've heard a rumour they're taking over a theatre to use for alternative arts; you know what that means? -Henry, these guys already push most of the drugs in this town and now they want to move into pornography, right? Believe me, it won't stop there either, next it'll be a church and pretty soon they'll have their own department store or something...... Henry, we've got to stop them. The foundation's got to put an end to it! How? -How? I'm in close with these guys, it isn't easy, but slowly they're opening up to me. Give me a month and I'll blow their movement wide open. -I'm in close with these guys, it isn't easy, but slowly they're opening up to me. Give me a month and I'll blow their movement wide open. A month, Jesus! And how do I know you're not crapping me? -A month, Jesus! And how do I know you're not crapping me? You can hold back this months pay-check until I come through with the story. -You can hold back this months pay-check until I come through with the story. What pay-check? You ain't done nothing! -What pay-check? You ain't done nothing! Henry, I've been working my tail off on this. Look, all I need is a little cash to loosen up some tongues and you've got the scoop. It'll send those scum-bags down for life; be a big feather in the cap for the Bugler and your board of directors back home! -Henry, I've been working my tail off on this. Look, all I need is a little cash to loosen up some tongues and you've got the scoop. It'll send those scum-bags down for life; be a big feather in the cap for the Bugler and your board of directors back home! I got a bad feeling about this.... How much do you need? -I got a bad feeling about this.... How much do you need? Two hundred dollars, make it six thousand crowns? -There's three thousand and if you don't come through, I'm going throw you clean out of that window. Deal? Deal! -And take Jiri with you? What for? -What for? Insurance! -Any chance of getting me out on bail? What is bail? -Will they free me? I don't know - maybe they are talking about it now. Mr Vitovetch is a good friend of the Judge. -I don't know - maybe they are talking about it now. Mr Vitovetch is a good friend of the Judge. Will this thing take long? -Will this thing take long? No, it should be over soon. -No, it should be over soon. You mean it's started? -You mean it's started? Of course, you can see that lady over there, she is recording everything. -Of course, you can see that lady over there, she is recording everything. How do I know what's being said? -How do I know what's being said? I will tell you - within a week I will have the transcript and we can go through it. -No act of love but willing violence demanded by one and begged by the other. As life turned to fantasy and reality to ecstasy a need, so deep no light could reach, surfaced like a nocturnal creature unearthed for momentary and glorious display. Left alone in a rose-tinted afterglow dimming fast she tasted the moisture of her body and wondered why light came to day and such desires to her pale-skin body. Well she sure isn't normal. -I'll put one on the notice-board too. Am I invited? -Am I invited? Sure as long as you don't bring that prick Josh. Thanks Lawrence. -I thought I'd help out. We don't need you. -We don't need you. "That's not what you said last night. And, I didn't bring that ""prick"" Josh." -Alright, go help Chris shovel up the last of the crap. Thanks. -Seems a shame! The way I look at it, I've carried the camel to water and stuffed it's head under - if it doesn't drink now, we might as well shoot the thing and call it a day. -Why are you doing all this, what for? Well, I've failed at everything else I've done and I can't hack it as a journalist, even for the Bugler. -Well, I've failed at everything else I've done and I can't hack it as a journalist, even for the Bugler. What's the Bugler? -What's the Bugler? It's a student magazine networked through Eastern Europe and funded by Republican do-gooders back in the States. -It's a student magazine networked through Eastern Europe and funded by Republican do-gooders back in the States. I figured you more as a Socialist? -I figured you more as a Socialist? I moving more to Communism now it's dying out. -I moving more to Communism now it's dying out. A champion of lost causes huh? -A champion of lost causes huh? No, I'm just running scared, same as everyone else. -No, I'm just running scared, same as everyone else. We_re not all running away -We_re not all running away I know, some are trapped, usually by money. -Shall I wash these out? Yeah, we'd better keep them for now, I'll try and get some glasses for tomorrow night. -Is it dry? Yeah seems okay. -What would you like, beer? No, just a coffee. -No, just a coffee. One beer, one coffee, thanks. -I'd better get you to a hospital. I'll be okay, just get me home. -It's all my fault, I'm so sorry Doug. I had it coming from someone. -I had it coming from someone. Are you sure I shouldn't get a doctor. -Who you saving the dishes for? Guests. -Don't you have a girlfriend? Sometimes. -I'd better get going, do you need a hand to get into bed? Sure! -Did you take your things over to my place? Uh-huh! -Uh-huh! Run into Josh? -Run into Josh? Yeah, but it was okay. -Yeah, but it was okay. How did he look? -Better than you. Hmm, I still owe him. -Hmm, I still owe him. Why don't we both forget about him? -Why don't we both forget about him? Alright! -Head the flyers up with Asylum and then put Debut of....Psychosis, Theatre experimental. That'll cover us if it flops. On the bottom put seek Asylum where the stars shine on Betlemska. Cool! -Weren't you going to get some glasses? Oh shit, yeah. Can you lend some more money? -Where did you steal the car? It's Josh's. -It's Josh's. Cool....Either of you know the way to Krakow? -This is your doing? Yes, they had nothing to do with it. -Yes, they had nothing to do with it. And you broke into that room? -And you broke into that room? That's right. -That's right. You will wish you hadn't. -You will wish you hadn't. Fuck you! -Why did you break into that particular building? It was the biggest I could find. -It was the biggest I could find. What was the real purpose behind this venture? -What was the real purpose behind this venture? A kind of freedom. -A kind of freedom. Either you're a liar or you are a fool. -Enjoying our hospitality? No! -No! We'll have to see what more we can do for you, while you are still our guest. -We'll have to see what more we can do for you, while you are still our guest. Thanks, but I don't intend to stay. -Thanks, but I don't intend to stay. Really! -Really! I lied to you, I didn't destroy the floppy disks. -Good try Mr. Greenwell but a little late. We have analyzed the contents of that drum, the remains of the disks are there, just as you said. Not all of them! -You are playing a very dangerous game, I suggest you make it easy on yourself and tell me where they are. I didn't get to see what's on the disks but I can guess. Do you want to hear my terms or not. -What is it you want? First, I want to walk free with a letter, in English, from the Prosecutor General dropping all charges. Second, I want two first class tickets to London leaving tonight and three thousand crowns in a stamped envelope. Lastly, all actions against the students are to be stopped! -I'm not sure it's possible. The choice is yours, it's not negotiable. -And the students? I have the Director's word, there will be no action against them. You may go once we have the disks. -I have the Director's word, there will be no action against them. You may go once we have the disks. How do I know this isn't a trap? -How do I know this isn't a trap? You have the letter and my word, if you wish you may wait upstairs....Now, where are the disks? -You have the letter and my word, if you wish you may wait upstairs....Now, where are the disks? I'll need to make a phone call. -I'll need to make a phone call. You may use my office. -Would you like your things now? Yeah! -Yeah! Release Mr Greenwell's possessions. -Central station, locker number 139 - combination JFK. Good, wait here, it will not take long and then you may go. -We had a deal! Yes, you are free to go, Karel here will drive you home. -That's okay I like the metro, it's only a couple of stops from here. I insist, it is the least we can do. -Hey Doug, where you been? Working....Under cover. -No, just a drill. A drill, what are you up to? -A drill, what are you up to? Nothing. I've got to put up some kitchen shelves that's all. You've got one haven't you? -Nothing. I've got to put up some kitchen shelves that's all. You've got one haven't you? Yeah. -Yeah. And a fifty foot extension lead? -And a fifty foot extension lead? You don't have fifty foot of apartment! -You don't have fifty foot of apartment! Come on, don't me give a hard time. I'm just trying to make the place look nice for Katka. -Sure! Give me a break, will you. How often do I ask you for something? -Give me a break, will you. How often do I ask you for something? Okay, Okay, but I want it right back. It belongs to my father. -Okay, Okay, but I want it right back. It belongs to my father. No problem, is it at your place? -No problem, is it at your place? Yeah. -Great, let's break for lunch and I'll buy you a beer on the way. But I have to finish this.... -But I have to finish this.... Come on, that shit can wait. -So, he didn't fire you? No way, he even gave me back pay. -When the hell did you write that? Just yesterday. -Just yesterday. Shit Honey, you could've told me. People might think it's about us! -Shit Honey, you could've told me. People might think it's about us! Maybe it is! -All I'm saying Honey is run the thing past me for Christ's sake before you get up and broadcast the crap. Oh that's it? Everything I do is crap! -I decided to help out at the Asylum. See you brought one of the patients with you too. -Josh! Well come on, sit down. -Yeah, so I hear. Don't you think you should go get changed? Later. -Later. Okay honey, but don't be long. I got plans. -I think we should be going honey. What for? -What for? Well, for a start, you've got to get cleaned up. -Well, for a start, you've got to get cleaned up. Why? -I don't want to go. It's time to go home, Holly. -Come on Holly! Leave me, just leave me alone Josh. -That's my bag. Go to hell! -Go to hell! It's more than what you're worth. -It's more than what you're worth. You bastard! -You bastard! Yeah and you're a slut, so what? -Shall I look after the rest? Don't you dare, I'll be back! -Honey what a pleasant surprise, sorry to keep you waiting. Josh, I have to speak you, it's urgent. -Josh, I have to speak you, it's urgent. Of course Darling, you'd like to apologise? -Of course Darling, you'd like to apologise? Can we talk in your office? -So, what have you got to say for yourself? Was he good in bed? Josh, I need your help. Doug's been arrested, he's in big trouble. I thought maybe your father and the Embassy might be able to do something. -Josh, I need your help. Doug's been arrested, he's in big trouble. I thought maybe your father and the Embassy might be able to do something. You really are a piece of work, you know that? You walk out on me and my family for some worthless bum and you expect us to help him when he screws up. -Will you come home and forget all about him? Yes, if you can get him free. -Yes, if you can get him free. Alright, I'll see to it and things'll be just as they were, okay? -Why are there still such headlines? This press we cannot control. Americans, I think. -This press we cannot control. Americans, I think. You know everyone can be controlled Pavel. Where are you storing the personnel files? -You know everyone can be controlled Pavel. Where are you storing the personnel files? In a building belonging to the University in the Old Town. -In a building belonging to the University in the Old Town. You are quite sure it's secure? -You are quite sure it's secure? The files are in a sealed room and the University are under strict orders to stay away. -The files are in a sealed room and the University are under strict orders to stay away. The storage facility will be ready within a week, I'll call you then. -You are responsible...What has happened? We're not sure... -What are you an idiot! The building has been occupied and the locks have been changed. -The building has been occupied and the locks have been changed. The University cannot do this. Is the room safe? -The University cannot do this. Is the room safe? Yes, I think so, it is still barred, but it is not the University who are in the building. -So, who is in the building? Some Americans? -Have you lost all control of this city? I don't understand it, there were a lot of people there last night, many Americans, I believe we should move carefully. -I don't understand it, there were a lot of people there last night, many Americans, I believe we should move carefully. I don't think you realise what will happen if those files are made public. The lives of thousands of officers depend on the secrecy of those records, including your own now. -It was crazy not to have destroyed them That was not my decision, I can only guess that one day we will again be active and our honour restored. In the meantime no one else must know those files exist. Secure the building and I will arrange alternative safe storage immediately. -That was not my decision, I can only guess that one day we will again be active and our honour restored. In the meantime no one else must know those files exist. Secure the building and I will arrange alternative safe storage immediately. And what of these foreigners? -And what of these foreigners? I don't care about Americans. Arrest them all if you have to, but keep those records secret. -And there has been enquiries from the American Embassy maybe they are involved? All the more reason to eliminate him. -All the more reason to eliminate him. What if his accomplices have made copies? -What if his accomplices have made copies? It was all on a Russian format, I don't think that would be so easy; we must take that chance. -Delay Mr Greenwell's departure until the disks have been located and you have notified me. Then, have one of your officers drive him home - I'll see to the rest. Very well. -Very well. Subtitles) You have made many mistakes Pavel, let there be no more, for your sake. -So go dance. With you. -With you. I. Don't. Dance. -She's coming over here... Heart be still. -That's one girl who can't take a hint. Because she doesn't know what a hint is. -She asleep? I'll tell her you were here. -Pictures from the play. Jamie looks pretty -- I'm sorry about how we -- -I'm sorry about how we -- No. You're with who you should be. It's like she chose you. -No. You're with who you should be. It's like she chose you. And I have no idea why. -And I have no idea why. I do. -What if they expel you? Kelly wouldn't do that. -Kelly wouldn't do that. Why not? -Why not? Cuz nothing happened at school. -I'm not hanging. I'm fixing my car -- You don't need a car you can't drive for a month. Go see Marvin. -You don't need a car you can't drive for a month. Go see Marvin. 'Bout what? -'Bout what? About a job. -Your father dropped off an extra check. I don't want his money. -I don't want his money. It could help with a new car -- -It could help with a new car -- -- I like the car I have. -Out with Belinda? That's over. Way over. -That's over. Way over. I can't know things if you don't tell me. -You saw him? We talked. He wanted to get a bite -- after. I said no. -We talked. He wanted to get a bite -- after. I said no. After he moved out, I invited him to every practice, every game, every parent-teacher conference you ever had. He didn't show, not once. -After he moved out, I invited him to every practice, every game, every parent-teacher conference you ever had. He didn't show, not once. He wants to show now. -He wants to show now. You going to let him? You going to reward him by being the son he was never man enough to be a father to? -You look nice. I should have dressed. You're fine like that, Mom. -You're fine like that, Mom. There's hot cider in the kitchen. -There's hot cider in the kitchen. Thanks. -Thanks. I haven't seen Clay or Eric lately. -I haven't seen Clay or Eric lately. Me neither. -To see your father? No. I won't be long. -A late night or an early morning? Late night. You? -Late night. You? Were you with Jamie? -Were you with Jamie? Yeah. -Yeah. You sleeping with her? -Honey, some of this is... farfetched. You take after me. People skills and common sense. Good dependable qualities. I could take after Dad, too. -I could take after Dad, too. You do. You're handsome and charming. -You do. You're handsome and charming. I meant he's a doctor. -I meant he's a doctor. That's eight years of school and training -- after college. And all that doesn't necessarily make you a better human being. -That's eight years of school and training -- after college. And all that doesn't necessarily make you a better human being. I could do it if I tried. Even Kelly thinks so. -I could do it if I tried. Even Kelly thinks so. That'd be something. -But if it doesn't happen, grab for something within reach. Life's tough enough without causing yourself disappointment -- Whatever my life is, I'm going to be friggin' sure I'm never disappointed -- -Have I told you how proud I am of you -- ? Mom, great. But what I want is for me to be proud of me. -I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know either. -I told him to leave me alone. Landon -- -Landon -- It was the only thing I've ever asked him! -I have no idea what to say. How to act. What if I do the wrong thing? Be yourself and I don't think there is a wrong thing. Let Jamie take the lead. She'll let you know what she needs. -What are you doing here? He wants to talk to you. -He wants to talk to you. Now it's okay? -Now it's okay? Landon. You have two parents. We're both here for you even -- -Everything's being done but it's not enough. I have to find something -- more. Landon, honey. There's nothing more. -Where is he? He's supposed to be here. I need to whizz. -I'm thinking. No thinking. The doctor only gives you three seconds to decide -- -Hypotheticals -- I'm just wondering -- -Don't call him a dipshit. You do -- -You do -- And you don't. What's she doing in there? -The address?! York Ave. -Deranged. Demented. -She's like some Puritan. She's not. She's got her own ideas. -Belinda's telling everyone that kiss was real. It was. -And that you're scamming on Jamie Sullivan. Scamming's a strong word. -Landon! Later. -Say nothing. Nothing 'bout her. No. Hey. We're sorry, man! -Who are you? Landon Carter. I was driving the car that -- -Landon Carter. I was driving the car that -- You. -You. Me. -I'm very sorry -- What kind of a man are you, son? -Get yourself a glass. No. Thanks. Gotta keep my wits for the drive home. -He goes to my father's church. He could've died -- -- This your idea of small talk? --- This your idea of small talk? I don't make small talk -- -I don't make small talk -- -- Obviously. -Because, growing up, books were my world. Were? -Were? You don't know me. -You don't know me. Your book and your brown sweater and your hair. What's more to know -- ? -Your book and your brown sweater and your hair. What's more to know -- ? -- I wear the sweater because I'm cold. I read because no one talks to me. My hair is my hair. What is it exactly that's bothering you? -You mean care what you say? I'm worrying about other things. Like what? The moons of Jupiter? -Like what? The moons of Jupiter? Can't you have a normal conversation? -Can't you have a normal conversation? I don't want to have any conversation. -I don't want to have any conversation. Good, cuz talking to you is like trying to explain red to a blind person. -'I hope your dreams come true.' 'They won't.' -'They won't.' 'Believe in yourself and they will. Let me ask you, Lizzie. Look in the mirror? Are you pretty --?' -'Is it really me?' 'Yes. You're-you're b-b- beautiful.' -You're like this fly, buzzing buzzing everywhere -- -- This play means a lot to me. --- This play means a lot to me. This play -- ? -This play -- ? -- I know you don't suck at acting. -That's deep -- -- Your act only works with an audience. --- Your act only works with an audience. My act?! -I know you don't want help. Then we both know. I'll point. You drive. Faster. -Yeah. Why? -Why? Because that's where the fire is? -Fire is like a living thing. Wild. Unpredictable. Like me. -Like me. No. Not like you. -What the -- ?! So you agree you need help? -What's with the friggin numbers? 28 is do something illegal. 42 is befriend an enemy. -28 is do something illegal. 42 is befriend an enemy. I'm an enemy? -I'm an enemy? Kinda. Yeah. -The reason I got the part... I'm a little like Lizzie. Except I don't worry about some man rescuing me. Good thing. -You got some kind of list? Are you asking to mock me or do you really want to know? -Are you asking to mock me or do you really want to know? Maybe a little of both. -I'll take a chance. Go for it. -Go for it. It's like a to-do list, but for my life. -So what else is on this list? It's private. -It's private. You want to tell me... -Get very wasted. Lose your virginity -- Spend a year in the Peace Corps. Make a medical discovery -- -Spend a year in the Peace Corps. Make a medical discovery -- Ambitious. -Like you'd know. I do know. Be two places at once... learn to hit a baseball or turn a cartwheel... eat breakfast with chopsticks... -No problem -- And you have to meet my father. -I'll get something for us to drink -- Don't bother! -I know. Don't say anything. He's a softy. Got him wrapped around my finger. -He's a softy. Got him wrapped around my finger. You think so. -You think so. Know so. -Because I try to be nice to people? Yeah. Maybe. I dunno. -Yeah. Maybe. I dunno. Do you think I'm strange? -Cuz it's dark and quiet and you can see into another world. The world of the dead? -The world of the dead? Could be... -What is that? That is my telescope. -Saturn. Beautiful. Before Voyager we expected maybe a dozen rings -- -Before Voyager we expected maybe a dozen rings -- But there are thousands of them, made of floating ice -- -But there are thousands of them, made of floating ice -- Maybe debris from a moon that broke apart. -Maybe debris from a moon that broke apart. Or building blocks for a world that never formed. -Looking for intelligent life? Looking for something -- someone. -Do you believe you'll see your mother again? I hope so. I think maybe she sees me now. -I'm building a larger one to see the nucleus of Haley's Comet -- The dirty snowball at its core. -The dirty snowball at its core. Yeah. I'm probably not going to be around next time it comes. -Yeah. I'm probably not going to be around next time it comes. In 76 years, me neither. -You're really into God, right? In ten words or less? -In ten words or less? Yeah. -Yeah. My relationship with God is my own. -My relationship with God is my own. But you think about Him -- It -- Her. -But you think about Him -- It -- Her. Don't you? -Like in a church painting. I see this giant hovering over the ground. He's wearing a robe, and has long flowing hair, and he's pointing his finger at something. Do you ever wonder why things happen the way they do? -Do you ever wonder why things happen the way they do? No. -No. I know there's a plan for everyone, but sometimes I don't understand what the message is -- or what the point is. -I know there's a plan for everyone, but sometimes I don't understand what the message is -- or what the point is. There is no point. You live. You die. The end. -You have to believe to have faith. You don't believe in anything? -You don't believe in anything? The Bible. Why should I read a bunch of dumb stories about some ancient guy who supposedly worked miracles. -The Bible. Why should I read a bunch of dumb stories about some ancient guy who supposedly worked miracles. Interpreted by another guy like my father. -Interpreted by another guy like my father. Your father doesn't like me. -He doesn't trust you. Sometimes I don't even trust me. -The play's going to be really good. I'm really glad you think so. -You're not in a very good mood. You don't miss a thing. -The play's in a couple of weeks. Yes. And? -Oh. Just not at school... Yeah -- -Yeah -- Or anywhere where people might see us. -Or anywhere where people might see us. Belinda's a very jealous person. -Belinda's a very jealous person. That would be the reason. -So it's like you want to be secret friends. That's it! Exactly! You're reading my mind -- -That's it! Exactly! You're reading my mind -- Then maybe you can read mine. -He okay? Healthy as can be. -You were great the other night. Thank you. So were you. -I haven't been nice to you. You're hardly nice to anyone. -People can see. And that would ruin your reputation how? -Maybe you inspire me. That sounds like horseshit. -All of it. It's not. -It's not. Prove it. -Okay. Maybe some of that is true -- You don't know the first thing about being someone's friend -- -You don't know the first thing about being someone's friend -- I don't want to be just your friend -- -I don't want to be just your friend -- You don't know what you want -- -You don't know what you want -- You don't either. Take a look at yourself. Maybe you're scared that someone might actually like you -- -You don't either. Take a look at yourself. Maybe you're scared that someone might actually like you -- And why would that scare me? -And why would that scare me? Because then you couldn't hide behind your books and your telescope and your sweater and your God. -It's a start. Yeah, with a finish in about a decade. -So you're talking to me? When I have something to say. -What does that mean?! It means you can do anything. -Hey. I heard what you did. Thank you. -She great or what? Why are you doing all this? To impress me? -Why are you doing all this? To impress me? No. But are you -- impressed? -Like fire. What? -What? You. -Yes. But not as a date date. Why not? -Why not? I'm not allowed to date. -I can't believe you asked my father's permission. I wanted this to be a date. -Is there a rush? I have to get you home by one. -I have to get you home by one. It's only 7:30. -It's only 7:30. We're going somewhere. After. And no. I didn't ask your father. -Your turn. No. -No. I know you want to. -Before we do this. We're doing something -- ? -We're doing something -- ? Before we do this, I just want to say that a good life's gotta be about more than achieving stuff -- like on your list. -It's about working with what you already have -- right now -- at your fingertips -- you know, spontaneously. What are you talking about? -Excuse me? Fun. -The cells in our bodies are always changing. In six or seven years all your cells have changed. You could be like a completely new person from the inside out. That what's happening to you, only faster? -Stand right here. Where? -You're acting like a crazy person. You're straddling the state line. You're in two places at once. -It's places like this that make me certain there's a God. You're sometimes not sure? -You're sometimes not sure? I'm sure. Pretty sure. -We can measure wind. Uncertainty makes you uncomfortable. -Uncertainty makes you uncomfortable. What do you actually know with religion? -What do you actually know with religion? Wonder. Beauty. Joy. Love. -I don't understand... Maybe you're not supposed to. -I might do it wrong. Not possible. -You make me feel... Loved? -Loved? That. And less strange. -Assholes. This happen to you? Twice a year. -What's wr--? The Challenger exploded. Principal Kelly's about to make an announcement. -Come on. Where? -Where? Away from here. -How do you know this place? Before the divorce. My father used to take me here. Fire spotting was his summer job. -From here he proved to me the earth isn't flat. On rainy days, we'd be above the clouds. What would you do up here? -What would you do up here? Look. Talk. Not talk. -What'd you tell your father? The truth. I just left you out of it. -When did you build this? I was twelve. -It's an alt-azimuth design with one parabolic mirror and one secondary flat one. Where's the one you're building? -Where's the one you're building? In my back yard. I lied before. It's hardly started. But when it's done, it will have twice the power of this one -- -So what do you want to see? Mars. -Mars. Mars doesn't rise until 2:30 -A Thermos of hot coffee. A blanket. Socks. You planned this -- -You planned this -- Hoped for it. -Are you trying to seduce me? No. Why? Are you seducible? -Ergo? What about your father? -What about your father? I'm always home by midnight and he's always asleep. -What's the best thing I can see tonight? Me. -Can you locate XXI5639I? Sure. -Here. Why am I looking at this star? Because I had it named for you. I know it's not an official designation -- -From citizen high to citizen low. I don't care. -I don't care. Care, but just don't let it get to you. It gives them power. -Care, but just don't let it get to you. It gives them power. That what you do? -That what you do? Yes. I try to keep my power. -One of your secrets. Yes, one of many. -You're worried about your college applications. I'm not applying to college. -You're going to take a year off? Join the Peace Corps -- ? No. -No. What are you going to -- ? -What are you going to -- ? Pull over. -Pull over. Where? Why? -Jamie -- I'm sick. -I'm sick. Then I'll take you home. You'll feel better tomorrow. -Why didn't you tell me? The doctors said to do everything the same as long as possible. I didn't want anyone being -- weird around me. -I'm so sorry. I'm a coward -- I should have told you sooner -- -I should have told you sooner -- I made you do too many things, kept you up all night -- -I made you do too many things, kept you up all night -- No. The drugs just stopped working. If anything, doing things I love kept me healthy longer. -Are you frightened? All the time. I feel like I have no one. -Help me live until I die? I will. -Nope. Anything you want. -Anything you want. Nothing. -Slim Jim? Apple? Yogurt? You like yogurt. I used to like yogurt. -What are you thinking? That I want you to take me home. -That I want you to take me home. Now? We just -- -Now? We just -- I don't want to come here anymore. -I've talked to your father. That's what I mean. -Whatever you need. Whatever Jamie needs. I'm here. I could start by driving her to school -- I'm not going back to school. -You know how to waltz?? I was going to fake it. -How you doing? Tired. -'What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.' Aristotle. Lower. Same page. -Lower. Same page. 'Find out who you are and do it on purpose.' Dolly Parton. -'Love is always patient and kind. It is never boastful or conceited -- ' That was read at my parents' wedding. -How're you doing? Better. I was really angry. -It's gone now. Because you have hope that you'll get better? -Because you have hope that you'll get better? No. Maybe I believe God has a bigger dream for me than I had for myself. Maybe I believe the journey, the big adventure, never ends... -I'll talk to your father. It's not that simple. It costs money to do this at home. -Can I -- go out? You'll be fine for a few minutes. -Will you do something for me? Landon. I can't even do for myself. -Landon. I can't even do for myself. But if you could, you would? -But if you could, you would? Yes. -The Carter boy. Tell me about him. He wants help with his lines -- -By accident -- Jamie, he's careless. Reckless. Is this really the best time to be making a new friend...? -Jamie, he's careless. Reckless. Is this really the best time to be making a new friend...? I'm supposed to always be alone? -I'm supposed to always be alone? I don't want you to see him outside school activities. -I don't want you to see him outside school activities. Fine. But I need to start deciding how to spend my time and my life. -I'm sorry your mother isn't here to help you become a woman. Dad, I've become a woman without her. Just not a pretty one. -What's Landon Carter up to? Up to? -Up to? I thought we had rid ourselves of his disagreeable companionship. -Did you give him a gift? No. -No. I saw the way he looked at you. The way he kissed you. -I saw the way he looked at you. The way he kissed you. It was a play. -It was a play. Boys like him have -- expectations. -Boys like him have -- expectations. I have expectations, too. -I'm asking how much. Dad -- -Dad -- It's time to tell him. It would be the right thing. -Maybe. But that's not the real reason. You think if I tell, he'll disappear and that's what you want! Me all to yourself! No. I want what's best for you. -No. I want what's best for you. This -- him -- Landon -- is what's best for me! -No you didn't. But he did change. Just not enough. Jamie, you're not mad at me. You're mad at Landon -- -Jamie, you're not mad at me. You're mad at Landon -- I am mad at you! And at Landon! And the universe! And God! I don't even know where to put all my anger. -I am mad at you! And at Landon! And the universe! And God! I don't even know where to put all my anger. That's normal. God accepts your anger. He won't punish you. -That's normal. God accepts your anger. He won't punish you. By making me ill, he is punishing me! I just don't know what for. -When Mom died you told me God wanted her more, loved her more -- I was wrong. Nobody could have wanted or loved your mother more than we did. Not even God. -You're in the play? Lead man. -Apropos of nothing... so. So so so so -- Let's get something straight. You don't know me. I don't know you. But I know what you're about. Keep your distance from this house -- and from Jamie. -Reverend Sullivan. Can I ask you something? Does it have to do with Jamie? -Does it have to do with Jamie? Yes, sir. -I'd like to take Jamie to dinner on New Year's Eve. That won't be possible. -I care for her. I don't want to see her hurt. -This week. Ever again. -Landon. You're not the quiet type. No. -No. So talk to us about something. -So talk to us about something. Like what, sir? -Like what, sir? You decide. -How about your family? Okay. Sure. My grandfather. When he was seven, he shook the hand of an old guy, a war vet or something, who had once shaken President Lincoln's hand. Made a big impression on him. -We didn't tell him any different for years -- Your parents are divorced? -Your parents are divorced? Since I was five. My mom's a cocktail waitress. -Since I was five. My mom's a cocktail waitress. How do you -- the two of you -- get by? -How do you -- the two of you -- get by? Materially or spiritually? -Materially or spiritually? Either. Both. -It's her decision and she's decided not to tell people -- at least for now. How -- how long does she have? -Her doctors have. Jamie and I. We're still praying for a miracle. Praying. -Praying. Landon. We've lived with this for over a year now and -- -Landon. We've lived with this for over a year now and -- If there is a God, how could he let this happen??!! -Landon. You go on home. I'm not tired. -I'm not tired. I need to be with her. -I've almost finished the rocker. Did she order mirrors? In there. -You have materials for the side bearings? I'm using an old phonographic turntable. -I'm using an old phonographic turntable. For the focuser? -You know about this stuff? I helped Jamie with the first one. -I helped Jamie with the first one. I thought she built it herself. -I thought she built it herself. She did. But hardly anyone does anything truly alone. -You've been well? Yes. You? -Yes. You? Getting by. -You're marrying again. Yes. -Yes. Jamie wanted that. She told me. -I'm sorry she never got her miracle. She did. It was you. -Like you'd make it to June. Even cutting half your classes, you have a B- average. I'm no dummy. -I'm no dummy. That's right. You just act like one. -Now I can do what I want. That's right. The world is your oyster. -Finding the real world to your liking, Mr. Carter? I want to come back. -You could grace our hallowed halls again, if, while you're here, you make a sincere effort to be part of our little school community -- I'd do that -- -I'd do that -- How would you do that, Mr. Carter? -Shall I give you a few ideas? Please. -Please. Besides attending all your regular classes, I'd like you to help our janitorial staff after school -- -Besides attending all your regular classes, I'd like you to help our janitorial staff after school -- For pay? -For pay? For the inner satisfaction it will bring. Saturday mornings, I'd like you to tutor disadvantaged students at our sister school -- -For the inner satisfaction it will bring. Saturday mornings, I'd like you to tutor disadvantaged students at our sister school -- I'm as underprivileged as they are -- -Finally, I'd like you to join the drama club. Rehearsals are Tuesday and Thursday evenings. I'd work backstage or something? -I'd work backstage or something? Or something. They're doing a play for the holidays. -Or something. They're doing a play for the holidays. When do I get time for me? -When do I get time for me? You don't. That's the point. -Landon, none of us faculty see you the way you see yourself. Some of us remember how your father -- Then you remember more than I do. -No way. No thanks. I can't do it -- -- You can and you will, Mr. Carter. -For Jefferson High. For books. Where did you get -- ? -Where did you get -- ? It's mine to give. I didn't steal it. -It's mine to give. I didn't steal it. I didn't say you did. -Your grades for fall semester. They're -- good. You came here to give me my report card? -You came here to give me my report card? I've seen students with records like yours go to J.C. for a couple of years, then transfer to a good college. -I'd gladly write you a letter of recommendation. Thank you. -Thank you. You're welcome. -Am I at the same angle to you and the basket as before? Yeah. -Yeah. Are you? -So what did we just make? A similar triangle? -A similar triangle? What else? What kind of triangle has three sides of different lengths. -What else? What kind of triangle has three sides of different lengths. Scalene? -Scalene? Okay. Make me an isosceles. -Well, well, he smirked when Marty opened the door. If it isn't the neighborhood bootlegger, Al Capone McFly? What do you want, Biff? -What do you want, Biff? Show me some respect, you little asshole. It's Special Officer Tannen to you. -Show me some respect, you little asshole. It's Special Officer Tannen to you. The day I show respect to Biff Tannen will be the day I win a million dollars... What's the matter, Biff, they're not showing you any respect down at the golf course? Don't they realize what a tough job it is keeping the criminal element away from the country club? -The day I show respect to Biff Tannen will be the day I win a million dollars... What's the matter, Biff, they're not showing you any respect down at the golf course? Don't they realize what a tough job it is keeping the criminal element away from the country club? Listen you little Asshole, I oughta -- -Listen you little Asshole, I oughta -- What do you want, Biff? -What do you want, Biff? Where's your old man? -This... is the number one single? Yes, sir! -Yes, sir! I don't get it. How come there's no rock 'n roll? -I don't get it. How come there's no rock 'n roll? I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? This is 1952....? -This is 1952....? Uh, yes, sir... -Uh, yes, sir... And you never heard of rock 'n roll? -And you never heard of rock 'n roll? No.... -Morning Dick. Marty. What's for breakfast? -Marty. What's for breakfast? Gimme some chili, fries, and a Tab. -Hot tip, Rubber Biscuit in the third race at Arlington. Dick, what's with those guys out there in the gutter? -Dick, what's with those guys out there in the gutter? Third time they've been out there this week. -What's N.R.C.? I don't know. National Cash Register? -I've been calling you for five minutes! Didn't you hear me? I was practicing. I've got an audition next week -- I gotta practice. How am I gonna get famous if I don't practice? -How was school today? Fine. -Fine. Learn anything? -Learn anything? Oh yeah. -Oh yeah. That's good. -You mean you're going to stay up all night? Mom, how else are we gonna see the sunrise? -Mom, how else are we gonna see the sunrise? I don't think I like the idea of you staying out all night with a girl! -How old are you? Seventeen. -Here's your jacket! Uh, thanks... -It's polyester. Poly-what? -Huh? Have we ever met before? -Hi, Marty. Uh, hi.... -You remember me...? How could I forget? Oh, sure, I remember you. -How could I forget? Oh, sure, I remember you. Well, I was on my way to school, and I just wanted to stop by and see if you were feeling okay. You seemed like you were in pretty bad shape the other night. -Well, I was on my way to school, and I just wanted to stop by and see if you were feeling okay. You seemed like you were in pretty bad shape the other night. Oh, I'm feeling much better now. -Then you'll be going to school here....? School? I never thought of school! If I went to school I could blend in with everybody else, couldn't I? -What time does school start around here? Nine o' clock. Oh, I'm late! Maybe I'll see you later. -Nine o' clock. Oh, I'm late! Maybe I'll see you later. Yeah. Maybe so. -George! He's supposed to ask you to the dance! But he didn't ask me. -But he didn't ask me. But he does! Don't you see? -He comes out of the cafeteria line, he's nervous, he spills his corn, and he asks you to the dance! Marty, you haven't been listening. Nobody's asked me to the dance...yet. -Hi, Marty! Listen, Professor Brown told me you called last night and gave me your message... -Are you all right, Marty? You seem a little...nervous. Oh, no, I'm fine...fine. -I'm usually nervous myself on first dates...but not tonight. It's funny, but somehow, I feel like....like I know you. Uh, yeah, well, believe me, I sure feel like I know you! -Well, Eileen...jeez, that's hard for me to say. Have you ever been in a situation where -- well -- you know you have to act a certain way, but when you get there, you don't know if you can go through with it? You mean like how you're supposed to act with someone on a first date? -I think I know exactly what you mean. You do? -Now, George! Dinner's ready now! Coming, Eileen... -By the way, that reminds me... Saturday night we're taking Grandma Stella out for Chinese food. Eileen, Chinese food again? -Eileen, Chinese food again? George, if you don't want Chinese food, pick a place you want to go and make a reservation. -Is that what you were going to ask me, George? To go to the dance? No! -Uh, hi, Eileen. How are you? -How are you? Oh -- I'm all right. Say, listen, about this dance Saturday night -- -Dad, you seen the drill? What drill? -What drill? The drill! The power drill I bought you for Christmas. I was using it last night. -Fine.. Learn anything? -Learn anything? Oh yeah. -Oh yeah. Good. -No, Chinese food is fine. Saturday night's the 'Springtime in Paris' dance. I'm taking Suzy Parker. -The sunrise? What for? Jeez, what do you think? To see it! -You've gotta ask her to the dance! Not now.... -George, she's beautiful, right? She's nice, she's decent, she's the kind of girl you'd like to marry, right? And there's nothing in the world you'd like more than to take her to that dance, right? Well... yeah... -Well... yeah... Okay, then! -What do I say? Say what you were supposed to say in the cafeteria. -Oh, no! That was for the cafeteria! This is different! Christ, it's a miracle I was even born! -Christ, it's a miracle I was even born! Huh? -Huh? Nothing. Look, I'll write it down for you, okay? -What is that? A pencil that writes in ink? It was Marty's turn to be confused. Huh? -It was Marty's turn to be confused. Huh? Lemme see that. -'Bike fine point?' Bic... It's a Bic pen. -I don't want to hit you in the stomach! You're not gonna hurt me. Just hit me in the stomach. -You're not gonna hurt me. Just hit me in the stomach. Look, Marty, I'm just not a fighter... -How many times do I have to explain it to you?... We know you're not a fighter. You know it, I know it... but she doesn't know it. That's why we gotta make you look like a fighter, somebody who'll stand up for her, somebody who isn't chicken. And you're not gonna look like a fighter if you can't hit me in the stomach. But I've never picked a fight in my entire life! -But I've never picked a fight in my entire life! You're not picking a fight, you're coming to her rescue. Maybe we'd better go over the plan again. Where are you gonna be at 8:55? -You're not picking a fight, you're coming to her rescue. Maybe we'd better go over the plan again. Where are you gonna be at 8:55? I'm going to be at the dance. -I'm going to be at the dance. And where am I gonna be? -And where am I gonna be? In the parking lot, with her. -Okay. So right around 9:00 she's gonna get very angry with me - Why? -Why? Why what? -Why what? Why is she gonna get angry with you? -You mean, you're gonna -- George it's not your concern. Don't worry about it. Just remember that at 9:00, you'll be strolling through the parking lot and you'll see us -- struggling in the car, you'll run over, open the door and say....? -Your line, George! Oh. Uh... 'Hey, you! Get your damn hands off her!' George paused. You really think I should swear? -Oh. Uh... 'Hey, you! Get your damn hands off her!' George paused. You really think I should swear? Yes, definitely, god dammit George, swear. Then you hit me in the stomach, I go down for the count, and you and Eileen life happily ever after. Now, hit me in the stomach. -Maybe if I used my left.... No, George, just concentrate on the anger. Anger. -You'd like to see a nuclear holocaust? Not a holocaust -- -Not a holocaust -- Mr. McFly here wants to nuke it all, just so he can see it! -You know damn well that's not what I meant. All I can say is, that's one helluva attitude, Mr. McFly. 'Let's explode a hundred megaton Geothermal nuclear device, just to see it.' -Yeah, explode it up your ass! Unfortunately, the way things are going, you may get your wish. You may see the entire annhiliation of the world. If not, you'll certainly see the destruction of all out natural resources. We can already see the air we breathe, not to mention the pollution in our rivers and lakes. We'll see all of our oil reserves depleted, in fact, all of our energy sources. Yes, you people have a lot to look forward to -- a lot to see. -Unfortunately, the way things are going, you may get your wish. You may see the entire annhiliation of the world. If not, you'll certainly see the destruction of all out natural resources. We can already see the air we breathe, not to mention the pollution in our rivers and lakes. We'll see all of our oil reserves depleted, in fact, all of our energy sources. Yes, you people have a lot to look forward to -- a lot to see. Hey, Mr. Arky, gimme a break! I'm seventeen years old! I'm not responsible for all these problems! -Yes, that's my name. Who are you, young man? Are you supposed to be here? Uh -- yeah. I'm new here, and I'm supposed to be in this class. -You have a name? Marty. Marty Lewis. -Who, me? You're the only Mr. Lewis in this class. If you have something to say, say it so the whole class can hear. -You're the only Mr. Lewis in this class. If you have something to say, say it so the whole class can hear. Well, yeah, I was thinking, if cars are gonna be going two or three hundred miles an hour, they're gonna be using an awful lot of gas. Like, what if we run out? -Well, yeah, I was thinking, if cars are gonna be going two or three hundred miles an hour, they're gonna be using an awful lot of gas. Like, what if we run out? Run out of gas? -Operator... Operator! Listen, this is an emergency! I have to make this call, but I don't have a dime -- all I got is a nickel -- but you gotta connect me -- -Operator! Listen, this is an emergency! I have to make this call, but I don't have a dime -- all I got is a nickel -- but you gotta connect me -- Sir, it only costs a nickel. -Sir, it only costs a nickel. What? -What? Local calls cost five cents. What number do you want? -Oh -- right! Uh, Madison 3489. Five cents, please. -I'm sorry, there's no answer. Operator, what's today's date? -Operator, what's today's date? March 11th. -March 11th. What year? -What year? Nineteen fifty -- -Good evening, one said. Agents Reese and Foley, from the Nuclear Regulatory Commition. Mind stepping over here? What's this all about? -What, am I radioactive or something? No, no, not beyond an acceptable level. Have you been X-rayed recently, Martin? -Been any place unusual in the past twelve hours? Home, school, here... -Okay, Martin. You have a good evening now. Yeah, Right. -What?! Pro! Release the rope! -Professor Brown! It's almost eight thirty -- I'm outta here! Shhhhhhhh! -The power of a million hydrogen bombs! ...and we get twenty four measly volts. It's not fair! I've been working on this power converter since 1949, and you'd think in all that time, I could find the right chemicals that would efficiently convert radiation into electric energy! But no! Thirty three years of dedication and research, and all I've got to show for it is a bootleg video operation! That reminds me, if we could scrape up enough for a 35 film chain, I've got a connection with a projectionist in a first run house -- we could be sellin' new movies on the street before they're even in the theater. -That reminds me, if we could scrape up enough for a 35 film chain, I've got a connection with a projectionist in a first run house -- we could be sellin' new movies on the street before they're even in the theater. A 35mm film chain... I'll see what I can do.... -Did you ever consider that some doors are locked for a reason? Nope. The way I figure it, doors are made to be opened. See you after school. -Nope. The way I figure it, doors are made to be opened. See you after school. Oh -- Marty -- what time did you say it was? -Eight thirty. AM or PM? -AM or PM? Pro, the sun's out! -Pro, the sun's out! Oh, right, right... -Oh, right, right... Jeez, for a guy with a ton of clocks, you sure don't pay much attention to time. -Catch you later! ...To be traveled through -But Professor -- Get behind the shield! I'm about to release radiation! -No, Marty. Shemp's molecular structure is completely intact! Then where the hell is he? -Then where the hell is he? The appropriate question to ask is when the hell is he! You see, Shemp has just become the world's first time traveller. I've sent Shemp into the future -- two minutes into the future to be exact. -The appropriate question to ask is when the hell is he! You see, Shemp has just become the world's first time traveller. I've sent Shemp into the future -- two minutes into the future to be exact. The future? What are you talking about? Where's Shemp?! -The future? What are you talking about? Where's Shemp?! Shemp is right here in this room...two minutes from now, and at exactly 9:02PM, we'll catch up to him. -Shemp is right here in this room...two minutes from now, and at exactly 9:02PM, we'll catch up to him. Now hold on a minute, Professor! Hold the phone. Are you trying to tell me that this -- all of this here -- that this is -- it's a -- a -- -A time machine! Because of that Coke?! Precisely! -The plutonium! That's what I came over here for! Professor, where did you get that stuff? Why? -Exactly two minutes difference... and it's still ticking! Is Shemp all right? -Of course. Shemp is unaware that anything even happened, other than his stool suddenly falling over. We had to wait two minutes to catch up to him, but for Shemp the trip was instantaneous. Professor, can this thing send Shemp back in time? -A gold mine? Sure! Listen -- we take the racing results from today's paper... -Marty, that would alter history. So what? We'd be rich! -So what? We'd be rich! Don't you understand? The mere act of sending matter back in time would change the course of events, and changing history is a responsibility that I do not wish to bear. -All I know is you're throwing away an awful lot of money. The future, Marty, the future is everything! I built this machine to see the future. So I am going to send Shemp twenty-four hours into the future. You can assist me, if you like. -The future, Marty, the future is everything! I built this machine to see the future. So I am going to send Shemp twenty-four hours into the future. You can assist me, if you like. Sure, he agreed quickly. -Professor? Professor Brown? You know me? -Professor, you time machine works! It works! It sent me back in time! I'm from 1982! Ssshhhhh! -He will be. Simple inebriation, is all. The young man must have a rather low tolerance for alcohol... something that runs in the family. You see, he's a second cousin of mine on my mother's side. Came quite a distance to visit me, he added. His name's Lewis. Marty. -Marty. Uh, Marty Lewis! I almost didn't recognize him -- haven't seen him in years. -Jeez -- this is where you used to live, huh? You must have been rich! Must have been? Used to live? I do live here. -Must have been? Used to live? I do live here. Oh, yeah. -Well, there's a mall here now -- I mean, there will be. A mall? -A mall? Yeah, a shopping mall. You know, a shopping mall? -You've convinced me that you must be who you say you are. No living human has ever seen this machine. But why? Why even in my twilight years would I remotely consider sending someone back in time? You didn't, Professor. It was an accident! You see, what happened -- -You didn't, Professor. It was an accident! You see, what happened -- No! Don't tell me! I don't want to know the future! My knowledge of future events... your mere presence here... could have devastating effects on the course of history. And altering history is a responsibility that I do not wish to bear. My immediate response is to send you back to your own time. -Pardon me? Oh. That expression probably hasn't been invented yet... I can get behind -- I agree with you. -On second thought, there may be some things you'll have to tell me. The power converter... -The power converter... Of course! The power converter! It works! Of course, it works... What chemicals do we use? -Well, Professor, are you sure you want me to tell you? You know, changing the course of history and all.... Blast it -- no, I suppose you're right.... You do know the proper chemical formula? -How did you know? Just a guess. I figured kids would still be drinking Coke in 1982. -Professor. Well, not exactly, Professor. You see, we don't point it at the sun. We don't.... -4200 rads... That certainly can't be generated under controlled conditions in this day and age. That's just great! -You answered the door! You were ringing the doorbell! -I told you not to interfere with any of the events of this time! Nobody's supposed to see you here! What if I was a mailman? Or a salesman? What if you lost your keys? -What if you lost your keys? Then I would have figured out to get back in through the events in the natural course of history! Don't you understand? The fabric of history is very delicate. Anything you do could have serious consequences! -Then I would have figured out to get back in through the events in the natural course of history! Don't you understand? The fabric of history is very delicate. Anything you do could have serious consequences! Hey, look, gimme a break! All I did was answer the door! How's that gonna change history? -Hey, look, gimme a break! All I did was answer the door! How's that gonna change history? I don't know, but I don't want to take any chances! Now you stay here and don't do anything. Don't answer the door, don't answer the phone, don't go outside. Understand? -Let me put it on a level you can understand. You don't belong here. You don't know anything about this world. You don't know the customs, you don't know how to talk, how to act -- you don't even look like you belong here. And if you walked out on the street, you wouldn't get 100 yards without being arrested. Then there would be questions, and where would we come up with the answers? Okay, Professor, I get where you're coming from. The way I look, the way I'm dressed... I'd stick out like a sore thumb. -An atomic bomb. Professor, be serious, would you? -Professor, be serious, would you? I am serious. If we could get you, the time machine, and the power converter in the vicinity of an atomic blast, we could send you back to the future. -I am serious. If we could get you, the time machine, and the power converter in the vicinity of an atomic blast, we could send you back to the future. You're talking crazy! An atomic blast would melt me and the time machine in a matter of seconds! -You're talking crazy! An atomic blast would melt me and the time machine in a matter of seconds! You forget -- time travel is instantaneous. The time machine would melt, but you would have already travelled through time. Of course, it's a moot point regardless. The only place atomic bombs are detonated is at the Army's Nevada Test Site, and those tests are kept absolutely top secret. -Say, where did this guitar come from? Oh -- that -- I found it in the closet. -Oh -- that -- I found it in the closet. I don't recall ever seeing it before. -I don't recall ever seeing it before. Well, it was there. -Well, it was there. Curious... Very curious.... -I know. You did what?!? -Look, it's not a big deal! I can fix it! All I gotta do is get 'em together and make sure my old man asks her out! You better make sure your old man asks her out, because if he doesn't, they may never have a first date. And if they don't have a first date, they won't have a second date. If they don't have a second date, they won't fall in love. If they don't fall in love, they won't get married, and if they don't get married, you'll never be born! -Where did you get this? I brought it with me from 1982. It's from my science book. -The test is this Monday! 15 megatons... Let's see, we need 4200 rads... You'd have to be...exactly 800 yards from ground zero... You realize that what we're going to do could be extremely dangerous. Believe me, Professor, running around on a nuclear test site can't be any more dangerous than what I've been doing. -Your 'mother' wanted me to tell you that she was very impressed by what you did this afternoon, and that if you were interested in going to the dance Saturday, she's available. But that's impossible!! George asked her out! He had to! I saw him walk her home! Oh, God! -But that's impossible!! George asked her out! He had to! I saw him walk her home! Oh, God! My guess is that she turned him down. -My guess is that she turned him down. But why? Why would she do that? She's supposed to marry the guy! -But why? Why would she do that? She's supposed to marry the guy! Apparently, what has happened is that the maternal instinct has transcended the gap of time and this has caused an alteration in your mother's emotional behavior. -Apparently, what has happened is that the maternal instinct has transcended the gap of time and this has caused an alteration in your mother's emotional behavior. Are you trying to tell me that my mother's got the hots for me? -In a manner of speaking, yes. And because of that, she's no longer interested in your father. Jesus! -That's all taken care of. Good. Professor Brown tested the tarp, noting in satisfaction that it was secure. I'll pick you up in front of the school at midnight. Don't be late -- we're cutting it close as it is. We've got a long drive ahead of us. -Look. I'm a little worried about this -- this whole thing with my mother, he admitted to the Professor. I mean, I don't know if I can do it -- I mean, hitting on my own mother, that's pretty heavy. Nobody said anything about hitting her! You're just going to take a few liberties with her. -Nobody said anything about hitting her! You're just going to take a few liberties with her. That's exactly what I said! I mean, a guy and his mother -- that's illegal, isn't it? -That's exactly what I said! I mean, a guy and his mother -- that's illegal, isn't it? Look, Marty, she's not your mother yet. And if you don't go through with this, she may never be. I know it's hard, but there are some things we must do in life that are unpleasant. Some choices must be made that are difficult. Nonetheless, we must make them. Besides, this may be more than a simple question of your own existence, he added. The fate of the entire space-time continuum may rest on your shoulders . Marty tried to smile at him. -Look, Marty, she's not your mother yet. And if you don't go through with this, she may never be. I know it's hard, but there are some things we must do in life that are unpleasant. Some choices must be made that are difficult. Nonetheless, we must make them. Besides, this may be more than a simple question of your own existence, he added. The fate of the entire space-time continuum may rest on your shoulders . Marty tried to smile at him. That's just what I needed to hear. -That's just what I needed to hear. It'll be fine, Marty. You'll be fine. Good luck. He stuck his hand out and Marty shook it. But there was still a question that was nagging at him... -It'll be fine, Marty. You'll be fine. Good luck. He stuck his hand out and Marty shook it. But there was still a question that was nagging at him... Professor, if something does go wrong tonight... if I don't get my parents back together... when do you think I'd cease to exist? -There's no way of knowing. Perfect... -Perfect... It could happen at the moment you arrive back in the future, theoretically, it could happen at the moment of your birth...or conception. Actually, it could happen at any time. It's a question to which I hope we'll never learn the answer. -You didn't? Nope. My father's never clenched a fist in his entire life! -Nope. My father's never clenched a fist in his entire life! Curious... Very curious. -It was sure nice of Uncle Sam to put those yardage markers up for us. We're at one and a half miles, so you're just a little over a mile from where you want to be, Wait until minus 3 minutes before you go -- that should give you plenty of time, and it should be close enough to zero hour that they can't do anything to stop you. Park the truck at 800 and get in the refri-- the time chamber. Just be sure the nose of the truck is pointed at the bomb....the power converter will do the rest. -Thanks for everything, Pro. Professor Brown grinned. I guess I'll see you in... about 30 years. -Marty, I know I've repeatedly asked you not to tell me anything about the future, but....well, those loud bangs on the tape recorder....are they.... Professor -- there are some doors that shouldn't be opened, Marty said softly, without turning around. -What year is this? 1982! March 18, just like we planned! My calculations were absolutely correct! Thirty years! God, I cannot believe it's been thirty years! Sure, it was a long time ago -- longest I've ever had to wait for the results of an experiment! -Hop in, Marty, . We've got a long drive ahead of us. What do you call this? -What do you call this? A car. -You see, I never rebuilt the time machine after it was destroyed in 1952. I decided that experimenting with time and possibly changing history was too risky. Anyway, experiments in time travel were banned in all 87 states after the governor of Cuba caught Dr. Felstien fooling around in the Bermuda Triangle -- that was back in '64. 87 states? Time travel bans? What the hell? -But if you didn't rebuild the time machine, how did I go back in time in the first place? According to your girlfriend, Suzy Parker, you and she were at the movies. You went to the restroom and you never came out. Obviously, you stepped through an inter-dimensional time warp, created by the original operation of the time machine. -Obviously! But I told everyone your disappearance was due to a teleportation experiment you were helping me with. So don't mention anything about time travel to anyone. -But I told everyone your disappearance was due to a teleportation experiment you were helping me with. So don't mention anything about time travel to anyone. What theater was I at? -What theater was I at? The Orpheum. -Pretty, isn't it? It's the most beautiful city I've ever seen! What is it? -Uh, yeah... Gimme a Tab. What? -What? A Tab. -Sweet and what? Maybe you'd better pay for this first. Sure,. -Look, maybe I'd better talk to Dick. Is he around? Dick? Dick who? -Dick? Dick who? Now who's being stupid? The guy who runs this place. -Now who's being stupid? The guy who runs this place. I run this place! -I run this place! What happened to Dick Wilson? -What happened to Dick Wilson? Dick Wilson? Dickie Wilson? Dickie Wilson runs this place? That's a laugh! -...He just lets himself get pushed around all the time! People walk all over him and he never fights back, never stands up for himself. No self confidence, I guess... At least you don't take after him. -No self confidence, I guess... At least you don't take after him. Yeah... Jesus! I wonder how he ever got up enough nerve to marry my mom. -Can you imagine your parents in bed together? No way! -No way! Me neither. I've always wondered whether they slept together before they got married. You think yours did? -Me neither. I've always wondered whether they slept together before they got married. You think yours did? Hell no! The way my mom carries on about sex -- you even mention the word and she goes into cardiac arrest. You shoulda seen her face when I told her we were gonna stay up all night Saturday, he added. Always afraid something is going to happen. -Hell no! The way my mom carries on about sex -- you even mention the word and she goes into cardiac arrest. You shoulda seen her face when I told her we were gonna stay up all night Saturday, he added. Always afraid something is going to happen. Is something going to happen Saturday night? -Suzy! Hi, Marty! -Hi, Marty! What did you do to your hair? -What did you do to your hair? What did you do to yours? -Hi. where's Cato? Well, he's gone. -Well, he's gone. Gone?... Where? -Gone?... Where? He said not to tell. -He said not to tell. Oh yeah? -Oh yeah? Yeah, he said for you to give us a lift into town. You're the ones with the Studebaker, aren't you? -No... You go in there, I'll have to kill you. What's going on? -What's going on? Can't afford to take chances. -Nah, skip that... I'm going to have to keep an eye on you, though. Okay. -Okay. You don't mind? -You promise to stay down there for an hour? Yeah. -Yeah. You expect me to believe that? -Catch! What do you mean? -How you doing, Cato? Not bad. -What you been doing? Running this place for a fella in town. Nothing much to speak of. -Running this place for a fella in town. Nothing much to speak of. Well, I don't notice us hustling trash, either. -Where'd you get them antlers? They come with the house. -Yeah, I guess. She plays the clarinet, too. -That's what he told you, huh? No, he showed me one. -Kit... Maybe I'd better get a shovel. Okay. -Okay. I'll catch up with you. -I'll catch up with you. Okay. -Don't you ever get bored around here? Sometimes. The other day, though, an old boy was plowing in the field over there, found some old Spanish coins. -What'd they look like? Kind of round, like so... Gold. I'll show you if you want. -That your spider in there? In that bottle? Yeah. -Yeah. What do you feed him? -What do you feed him? Oh, flies... grasshoppers when I can catch 'em. -Oh, flies... grasshoppers when I can catch 'em. Does he bite? -Does he bite? He never bit me. -You ever held another job before? I used to throw trash for the City. -I used to throw trash for the City. You lost that one? -You lost that one? Wouldn't be here if I hadn't. -Wouldn't be here if I hadn't. What kind of work do you think you would be qualified for? -What kind of work do you think you would be qualified for? I can't think of anything at the moment... I'd like you to write me out a slip, though, proving I came down here. -Oh yeah? Long as my ammo held out... Right there's where you caught me. -We did it, Ray. You better not leave that Cadillac sitting out here. -Say, what kind of rifle was that you were shooting at me? Thirty aught six. -Thirty aught six. You ever had to open it up like that before? -You ever had to open it up like that before? Nope. -Kit... Kit, I've got a question for you. Mmmmm. -Mmmmm. You like people? -You like people? They're okay. -They're okay. Then why'd you do it? -Then why'd you do it? I don't know. Always wanted to be a criminal, I guess. Just not this big a one... Takes all kinds though. -Hey, listen, Tom, I don't mean to tell you how to run your show here but these cuffs are pinching. What do you say now? I need to get your signature on some papers here, Kit. -I need to get your signature on some papers here, Kit. Well, I've got to read them first. Suppose I could get a Coke while I do? -Well, I've got to read them first. Suppose I could get a Coke while I do? Sure thing. Come on. -Holly's over here, Kit, if you want to see her. Sure. -Well, Kit... Tom... -Tom... Good luck to you. -Good luck to you. Thanks. -Thanks. I mean it. -I mean it. I know you do. Good luck to you, too. -Sure is pretty. What'd you come out here for? -What'd you come out here for? I wasn't aware there was any law against it. -You know, before I met her, nobody could ask me how I was doing with my girl. Matter of fact, I didn't really have one. Is that right? -Is that right? Yeah. -Listen. I got a lot of respect for her, sir. That's about as good a one as I know to tell you. Well, it's not good enough. Just what do you think would happen to her if she stuck around with you, Kit? Guy like you. -Well, it's not good enough. Just what do you think would happen to her if she stuck around with you, Kit? Guy like you. She'd get along okay. And if she didn't, well, she could take off, just take off, I wouldn't mind... I'd always tell people I deserved it. -Hi. What're you doing? -What're you doing? I've got a gun here, sir. It's always a good idea to have one around. -What do you think you're doing? Go on, get out of here. Well, I got it all planned... and I'm taking Holly off with me. -What for? For coming onto my property... With a gun. -For coming onto my property... With a gun. No, you're not either. -No, you're not either. Yeah? Why not? -Yeah? Why not? Cause I can't allow it. -What's going to happen to Jack and me? You have to ask Kit. He says frog, I jump. -You have to ask Kit. He says frog, I jump. Okay. -Okay. What's your friend's name? -What's your friend's name? Jack. -Jack. You love him? -You love him? I don't know. -I've got to stick by Kit... He feels trapped. Yeah. I can imagine. -Yeah. I can imagine. Well, I've felt that way, hadn't you? -Hi, I'm Kit. I'm not keeping you from anything important, am I? No. -No. Well, I was just messing around over there, thought I'd come over and say hello to you. I'll try anything once. What's your name? I said mine. -Well, I was just messing around over there, thought I'd come over and say hello to you. I'll try anything once. What's your name? I said mine. Holly. -Holly. Listen, Holly, you want to take a walk with me? -Listen, Holly, you want to take a walk with me? What for? -What for? Well. I got some stuff to say. Guess I'm kind of lucky that way. Most people don't have anything on their minds, do they? -"Oh, incidentally, my last name is Carruthers. Sounds a little too much like ""druthers"", doesn't it?" It's okay. -It's okay. Well, nobody asked me what I thought. They just hung it on me. -You still in school? Nah, I got me a job. -Nah, I got me a job. Doing what? -Doing what? Well, I don't mind getting up early, so I got a job throwing garbage... I'm not in love with the stuff, okay. -That's my father. I got to run. Hey, wait a minute. When am I going to see you again? -Well, I know what my daddy's going to say. What? -What? Can I be honest? -Can I be honest? Sure. -Sure. Well, that I shouldn't be seen with anybody that collects garbage. -Well, that I shouldn't be seen with anybody that collects garbage. He'll say that? -He'll say that? Yeah. -Yeah. Now what's he know about garbage, huh? -Now what's he know about garbage, huh? Nothing. -Nothing. There you go. -There you go. Well, I mean there's nothing he wants to know about it... I've got to run. -Hi. Well, stop the world. -Well, stop the world. Quit my job. -Quit my job. Great. -Great. Just seemed like the right move... Whatcha doing? -Just seemed like the right move... Whatcha doing? Spanish. -Spanish. "How do you say ""Quit my Job"" in Spanish?" -"How do you say ""Quit my Job"" in Spanish?" Something mi trabajo. -Yeah, well, I'm going to work as a cowboy now... Or thinking about it. It's a routine, like anything. What do you think? I don't know. -You want to go for a ride? Well, I got homework. -Well, I got homework. Bring it along. -You're a redhead. I know. -I know. "Anybody ever call you ""Red""?" -"Anybody ever call you ""Red""?" Yeah, but I don't like it. -Yeah, but I don't like it. Why not? -Why not? Just don't... I've got a headache. -Just don't... I've got a headache. Yeah? -Can I come around and see you tomorrow? Okay. -What a nice place. Yeah, the tree makes it nice. -Yeah, the tree makes it nice. And the flowers... Let's not pick them. They're so nice. -And the flowers... Let's not pick them. They're so nice. It's your play. -My stomach's growling. There's an old Fudgesicle over there. You want it? -There's an old Fudgesicle over there. You want it? No. -Somebody else is going to get it. I don't care. -I don't care. Kids eat that kind of stuff in Korea. -Did it go the way it 'uz supposed to? Yeah. -Yeah. Is that all there is to it? -Is that all there is to it? Yeah. -Gosh, what was everybody talking about? Don't ask me. -You know what I think? What? -What? That we should crunch our hands with this stone. That way we'd never forget what happened today. -That we should crunch our hands with this stone. That way we'd never forget what happened today. But it would hurt. -But it would hurt. Well, that's the point, stupid. -Don't call me stupid. Okay, but I'm going to keep it for a souvenir... -I came in the front. How bad off is he? -How bad off is he? I can look and see. -I can look and see. We better call the doctor... Listen. I'll say how it happened, part I saw. -We better call the doctor... Listen. I'll say how it happened, part I saw. Well... I don't think that'd work. -Are you sure? You don't believe me, see for yourself. -Listen, maybe we ought to tell somebody about this. You said that once already... Too late now. -You said that once already... Too late now. Why? -Why? They're not going to listen to me. You either. Are you kidding? -Suppose the neighbors heard the noise? Wouldn't be funny... Listen, I'll be back in a while. -How you doing? I'm fine. Kind of tired. -I'm fine. Kind of tired. Yeah, me too. -"""The Kon-Tiki in motion was a little different from what it usually was in such conditions. We had become sensitive to changes in the rhythm of the logs. I thought at once of suction from the coast, which was drawing near, and was continually out on the deck and up the mast...""" He was nervous. -I found a lid. It was laying on the ground over there. Put that down. It's dirty. -Look at all this junk. How's he doing? -How's he doing? I got him in the stomach. -Is he upset? He didn't say anything to me about it. -Whatcha looking in there for? We can't afford any of that. Just looking. -Think I got 'em? I don't know. -I don't know. Well, I'm not going down there and look. -What'd you put him in there for? Just to keep him out of the sun. -You tired? Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah, you look tired... Listen, honey. when all this is over, I'm going to sit down and buy you a big, thick steak. -Yeah, you look tired... Listen, honey. when all this is over, I'm going to sit down and buy you a big, thick steak. I don't want a steak. -I don't want a steak. Well, we'll see about that... Hey, lookie. -Later we found out she was deaf and we hadn't even known it. Excuse me. -Hey, why're you always walking ahead of me? Well, why you always walking behind me? -Don't. Anybody ever done that to you before? -Anybody ever done that to you before? No. -No. Positive? -Positive? Yes. -Yes. Guess there's no way I'll ever know. For sure. -I'd like to get out of here. Soon as I start the car... and fix my hat. -"""Rumor: Pat Boone is seriously considering giving up his career so he can return to school full-time and complete his education. Fact: Pat has told intimates that so long as things are going well for his career, it's the education that will have to take the back seat.""" I don't blame him. -I don't blame him. """Rumor: Frank Sinatra and Rita Hayworth are in love... Fact: True, but not with each other.""" -That's Montana over there. I never been to Montana... Acquaintance of mine has, but I hadn't... Never had any reason to. -Why not? I mean, I'm having fun... At least I'm not bitching. Well, I feel kind of like an animal living out here. I mean, there's no place to bathe and... no place to get anything good to eat. -Well, I feel kind of like an animal living out here. I mean, there's no place to bathe and... no place to get anything good to eat. Well, I'll catch you a big trout. Soon as we get to the mountains. -Everybody loves trout. I'm serious. -Maybe we should've tried to hop it. It was going too fast. -It was going too fast. I could've pulled the car up on the tracks, slowed it down some. -I could've pulled the car up on the tracks, slowed it down some. Yeah, then we'd be stuck here. -Yeah, then we'd be stuck here. Well, maybe we oughta be stuck here. I'm not saying that I know. -Well, maybe the slope here is throwing it off some. We ought to find a more flat place. How about over here? -Never mind. It doesn't matter... If I'm worth a damn, I'll pick the right direction. And if I'm not, well, I don't care. See what I mean? No. -No. Well, I shouldn't expect miracles, should I? -What? Nothing... I was just running off at the mouth... as usual. -Nothing... I was just running off at the mouth... as usual. I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. -You know... they'd probably ask to see your driver's license before they hired you. Well. I'm not going to let that stop me. -You smoke Pall Mall? Yeah. -Boy. I had a feeling today was going to be the day... Helicopter. Yeah. -Yeah. He's not coming to take us for a ride, either. Come on, let's make a run for the car. -Have you got a better idea? I just don't want to go. -I just don't want to go. What? -Course it's too bad about your dad. Yeah. -Yeah. We're going to have to sit down, and talk about that sometime. -Hi. Hi... ah, Mister Scarborough here? -Hi... ah, Mister Scarborough here? Yeah, but the thing about him, he's down with the flu. He's sick. -Yeah, but the thing about him, he's down with the flu. He's sick. Really? -Really? Yeah. I'd invite you inside, except it's contagious. Don't want to start an epidemic. -Yeah. I'd invite you inside, except it's contagious. Don't want to start an epidemic. No, of course not. It's only that he called last night and asked if I could come by. -No, of course not. It's only that he called last night and asked if I could come by. Well, he didn't have it last night. -What's that? Well, I'd like to leave a message, if that's okay. -Well, I'd like to leave a message, if that's okay. Sure. -Hi. Yes? -Yes? This your place? -This your place? Yes. -Sorry to barge in on you. Anybody else here besides you two? No. -Good deal... Oh, uh, we're on the run and we'd like to hang out here for a while. Couple of hours, maybe. How'd that be? Stay as long as you like. -Hi, whatcha doing? Just thinking. -Just thinking. Good a way to kill time as any... She okay? -Yes. Listen, ah... We're going to take the Cadillac for a while. How'd that be? -Listen, ah... We're going to take the Cadillac for a while. How'd that be? Fine. -Fine. Don't worry, I won't let her drive. -You're my friend, aren't you? Yes. -Yes. Okay, no monkey business then. -Morning... Say, you got any gas? Maybe. -Maybe. Well. I'm sorry, sir, but we've got to ask you for it. -See, we're about out... been driving all night. Actually, I don't even have time to explain it to you. Well, matter of fact, I don't have any. -Well, matter of fact, I don't have any. Just a second now. That's your truck. isn't it? -You didn't walk out here. It's mine all right. -It's mine all right. Well, listen. I'm going to swap you my Cadillac. -Who are you? Name is Carruthers. Believe I shoot people every now and then. Not that I deserve a medal. -Okay, friend. Start running. Just gimme a chance. -Just gimme a chance. Git. -Hi. Hold it right there. -Hold it right there. I could've held off an army if I could've gotten behind a rock in the mountains. -Think I'll take the juice? Beats me. -You tossed my hat out the window. Wanta sue me? -Wanta sue me? No. -So we'll help. Let's get crackin'! Who're you? -All these people applied for drivers' licenses in the same town in New Jersey on the exact same date. New Jersey? -New Jersey? Forty-six Yoyodyne employees. Grover's Mill, New Jersey, 11/1/38. -November 1, thirty days have September, April, June, and November...when short February's done, all the rest have thirty-one. October 31st! Halloween! Don't you get it? Orson Welles! You mean the guy from the old wine commercials? -You mean the guy from the old wine commercials? "Halloween. 1938...""War of the Worlds""...that fake radio news broadcast that got everybody scared, thinking that real live Martians were landing in Grover's Mill, New Jersey! But then it all just turned out to be a hoax." -"Halloween. 1938...""War of the Worlds""...that fake radio news broadcast that got everybody scared, thinking that real live Martians were landing in Grover's Mill, New Jersey! But then it all just turned out to be a hoax." Then that's it! -Forgive the butterfingers, Buckaroo. Casper Lindley, Knight of the Blue Shield, at your disposal. And my son, Scooter. Nothing to apologize for, Casper. You've gone beyond the call of duty tonight. Mind if I get on the horn and radio the Cavaliers--? They'll be worried. -She gotta be kiddin', right? Vaporize the whole damn planet--? You wanna take the chance, Casper? -You wanna take the chance, Casper? Not me. No way. -Not me. No way. Rawhide, go find out how Professor Hikita's coming with that formula. Mrs. Johnson, take Casper and Scooter, gas up the Jet Car. -There's another one we owe 'em. They're stealing my chopper! -See 'em? They about had me and the whole damn car for breakfast. Broke my windshield... The creatures? They attacked you? They tried to possess you? -Smells fermented. Check in with the Institute, Reno, see if everything's kosher. Buckaroo, I've done an advanced spectrograph analysis on the specimen you pulled off the Jet Car drive shaft. -Rawhide tells me Dr. Lizardo escaped... I'm assigning a couple Blue Shields to protect you around the clock, just in case. -We at the Banzai Institute have at last found that way: an alternating gradient synchronizer that softens solid matter by attenuating its electroweak forces! Which we all know are the forces that tend to pull objects part, right, professor? -Buckaroo! What the Sam Hill! Careful...don't make noise and don't touch me. I'm hotter than flapjacks. -Careful...don't make noise and don't touch me. I'm hotter than flapjacks. What? -What? I'm a giant semi-conductor, and there's alien creatures all around us. Form the Eighth Dimension, I think. Look... -Ever since that phony phone call from the President. Look at this. What is it? It's your hand, Buckaroo. -It's your hand, Buckaroo. It's an antidote. A formula. Whoever it was on the phone made me scribble this and gave me the ability to penetrate their disguises. -Antidote to what? Whose disguises? Arachtoids. From Planet Ten. -Arachtoids. From Planet Ten. Planet 10? -Planet 10? There's a Harley behind those bushes. Get back to the laboratory and start working on the formula. We don't have time to ask questions. Just synthesize it- -I'm starving...somebody, help. Got a half a tuna sandwich. -Got a half a tuna sandwich. Same one you had yesterday? -Then what? Vanished. Thin air. -Dr. Lizardo's a raving lunatic, Perfect Tommy, a vicious psychopath with crazy eyes and flaming orange hair that once upon a time was mousy brown like yours. Have you warned Professor Hikita? -Have you warned Professor Hikita? First thing I did. -The professor and Dr. Emilio Lizardo were actually the first to discover the Eighth Dimension. Almost fifty years ago. Before Buckaroo's parents even knew each other. But there was trouble, a rocket catapult failed and Dr. Lizardo got sucked half in, half out...when they hauled him back ,he wasn't the same guy. His hair was orange... And his soul black as the Ace of Spades. -And his soul black as the Ace of Spades. He went on a senseless crime spree, killed a cop during a bank robbery, got caught and judged insane. The professor told us they threw away the key. -Go back to the bus and reroute the call. And try the President's private number at the hospital. Make sure this is on the level. We're busy people here. -That's me. I've been ionized, but I'm okay. I'm, switching on the homing beacon, mark two minute intervals. Buckaroo, somebody shanghaied the Professor! -Buckaroo, somebody shanghaied the Professor! The deuce you say. That crate! -What crate? I think I'm on to something. You and the guys go back to the house and dig up everything you can on an outfit called Yoyodyne. -I think I'm on to something. You and the guys go back to the house and dig up everything you can on an outfit called Yoyodyne. Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems? You think they're mixed up in this? -You okay? Yeah. Just grazed me. The Professor's under the floor too...with the Overthruster... -You're a welcome sight... Just 'grazed' you, huh? -Apache? Arachtoid. -Arachtoid. So I was right. That's nice to know... -We will, old fried, we will. Sure do pack a mean wallop...let's go... -Anybody we know? Who put this dirty picture in Buckaroo's viewer? -Buckaroo, you got a minute--? Not really. This is pretty important. -Not really. This is pretty important. She wants a picture. -Everybody ready? How do we look? Do we look okay? I look great. Let's rock 'n' roll. -Hey, any lock can be picked. So what's he up to? I'm sure we'll find out soon enough. -Running a little late, Buckaroo. Let her out. In my custody. -Let her out. In my custody. Let her out? She's a killer. -Planet 10? The same Planet 10 you postulated beyond Pluto, Perfect Tommy? The invisible body? Yeah, but most of 'em blasted in through the Eighth Dimension in 1938 at Grover's Mills, New Jersey... -It wouldn't tell us the whole story until you got here. It wasn't to talk to the head honcho. It? Who does? -Buckaroo--! Sorry-- What is it, Tommy? -What is it, Tommy? Sam's dead! Someone broke into the Jet Car! And things are going haywire over at the lab... -Dead. Damnit! Where's the professor? -It's Whorfin, Buckaroo. Line 3. Whorfin? Does he know we're coming? -All accounted for? Where's Penny? New Jersey brought her back to the bus through heavy fire. Quite a guy if you want my opinion. -These antidote filters the Professor's whipped up will let you to see them like I have since yesterday, as arachtoidal creatures. They won't be pretty, nothing personal, John Parker. But just remember...if we fail tonight, there's no tomorrow. They will never surrender. They will fight to the end. -What is this thing? A fighter? Don't look at me, Buckaroo Banzai. I failed flight school. -We're going down! Onto the runway! The door's locked. -I lack the authority, Buckaroo Banzai. At least tell them I'm trying! Tell 'em something--! -Does this thing have guns, John Parker? Boy, I hope so, Buckaroo Banzai. -Pull up! We did it! Holy shit, we did it! Pull up! Now, Buckaroo Banzai? -Now, Buckaroo Banzai? Now! -And there's a two-hundred-dollar deductible we have to eat on that crack in her windshield. Figures. Anybody seen my scope? -They're arachtoids, Buckaroo, from Planet 10! What? How do you know that? -...where there was some kinda giant crash landing, a huge explosion and they fooled Orson Welles into covering it up! And then they founded Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems and hid there for... Orson Wells? What about Doctor Lizardo? -...but he wasn't the real Doctor Lizardo...just this arachtoid creep that stole the good doc's body the year before in the Eighth Dimension when Prof. Hikita's lab exploded... Stole his body? When Doctor Lizardo's hair turned red and his mind snapped? Of course! What else? -Where're you goin'? To get my guns. -And they got Penny! Look! Don't shoot! -They're armed for bear, Buckaroo. Check out those radiation levels. John Parker, tell them we're doing our best. Stall. -Got a casualty list? Just their side. What're we gonna do with these people? They're illegal aliens, the way I figure, been here forty years, you could throw the book at 'em... -Just their side. What're we gonna do with these people? They're illegal aliens, the way I figure, been here forty years, you could throw the book at 'em... And ask the American taxpayer to foot the bill? No way. Send 'em back to the Eighth Dimension as soon as we find the Overthruster. It wasn't in Penny's purse...so if we have to run this joint upside down and inside out... -Raise your hand...where? This is so embarrassing... -This is so embarrassing... Somebody get her a mike? Can we manage that? And a spotlight. What's your name? -Somebody get her a mike? Can we manage that? And a spotlight. What's your name? Penny. I'd rather not reveal my last name or my age. -"Did you say...""Peggy""?" My name is Penny. Penny Priddy. There I've said it, but it won't mean anything to you. I'm a nobody. -Nobody's a nobody. Why're you crying? What's wrong? Did I say anything was wrong? I just sponged up a little too much Vat 69, okay? I'm down to my last nickel in this lousy town, I can't get my luggage outta hock 'cause I met this jerk who said he was a record producer when all he had was a record. He offered to set me up for life, and like a fool, well, I... -Did I say anything was wrong? I just sponged up a little too much Vat 69, okay? I'm down to my last nickel in this lousy town, I can't get my luggage outta hock 'cause I met this jerk who said he was a record producer when all he had was a record. He offered to set me up for life, and like a fool, well, I... He offered you money? -He offered you money? Do I look like that kinda girl? I lost my room this morning. I don't know where I'm gonna sleep tonight, but I keep going. What the hell else can I do? I've still got my figure, and like this bozo said, as long as there's a sidewalk, I'll always have a job. -This song's for Peggy. And all you others out there a little down on your luck. My name's, Penny! But who cares? -Let me go, let me go, you creeps... Everybody okay up here? -What're you doing here? Why're you looking at me like that? I guess 'cause you remind me of someone I once knew, long ago before any of this craziness. -I guess 'cause you remind me of someone I once knew, long ago before any of this craziness. Go away. Let me rot? -Go away. Let me rot? Who were you really trying to kill last night? -Who were you really trying to kill last night? You. Like the papers all say. -You. Like the papers all say. Pretty terrible shot. -Was she pretty? Who? -Who? The girl I remind you of. -The girl I remind you of. She was the Queen of the Netherlands. -She was the Queen of the Netherlands. It's kinda hard this way. -I'd turn around, but I'm afraid you'd strangle me. The Netherlands. Whew, that's a long way from Wyoming. -The Netherlands. Whew, that's a long way from Wyoming. Wyoming? Not Cody, by any chance? -Wyoming? Not Cody, by any chance? No. Laramie. Except I was born in Cody. How did you know that? Oh, right, sure, I forgot: you know everything. -No. Laramie. Except I was born in Cody. How did you know that? Oh, right, sure, I forgot: you know everything. No, I don't. -Having a little trouble with that knot, aren't you? Which? The one in my throat. -Did you have family there--? A sister? In Cody? I don't know. I always felt like I did, like there was another me... -I don't know. I always felt like I did, like there was another me... Another 'you'? -Another 'you'? Somewhere. See I was taken away by the Priddies when I was a baby. I was adopted. -Somewhere. See I was taken away by the Priddies when I was a baby. I was adopted. Adopted. I should have know. Of course. If it was a snake, it'd bit me! -Adopted. I should have know. Of course. If it was a snake, it'd bit me! What? I don't understand you. I don't understand anything anymore. -What? I don't understand you. I don't understand anything anymore. Who does? It's a crazy mixed-up world. Just do the best you can with what you have... -You keep an eye on it. Any time. -Open up or I'll shoot it off. I'll shoot yours off if I had a gun, you double-dealing Casanova! I thought you liked me for myself. But why should you, huh? A jerk like me. -She must've been a bigger fool than me if she ran out on a guy like you... She was killed, Penny. -She was killed, Penny. Oh, my. -Oh, my. Don't go to pieces. I haven't got time tonight. -Looks like you're the one might go to pieces. Where's my damn ammo? Nothing is ever where it's supposed to be around here! -Where's my damn ammo? Nothing is ever where it's supposed to be around here! How did she die? I wanna know. -How did she die? I wanna know. You don't wanna know. -You don't wanna know. Yes, I do. Gimme a chance. I'm stronger than you think. -Yes, I do. Gimme a chance. I'm stronger than you think. She was murdered by Hanoi Shan on our wedding night. -She was murdered by Hanoi Shan on our wedding night. Hanoi Shan--? The guy in your comic books. Boss of the World Crime League? Supreme Commander of the Legion of Death? The Pivot of Mystery himself? You're putting me on. He's a cartoon character. -Hanoi Shan--? The guy in your comic books. Boss of the World Crime League? Supreme Commander of the Legion of Death? The Pivot of Mystery himself? You're putting me on. He's a cartoon character. I wish he was. He's real enough. -Never. I gotta be honest with myself and not repress these feelings-I've got mixed emotions-I don't know if I can handle this. Oh, boy... -I gotta be honest with myself and not repress these feelings-I've got mixed emotions-I don't know if I can handle this. Oh, boy... I gotta go. We're on borrowed time. -I gotta go. We're on borrowed time. Go where? Where're you going? -Go where? Where're you going? Please, Penny. You just gotta trust me now. Okay? And don't panic. Because it's gonna be all right. -Please, Penny. You just gotta trust me now. Okay? And don't panic. Because it's gonna be all right. What? If we just believe in Buckaroo Banzai? -What? If we just believe in Buckaroo Banzai? Yeah...and maybe more important, if you believe in yourself. -Yeah...and maybe more important, if you believe in yourself. Believe in Penny Priddy? -Believe in Penny Priddy? Absolutely. -You've got your six guns strapped on. You're ridding off on another adventure? Oh, my God, it's all real...it really is real. I should go with you. Please... It's too dangerous. -It's too dangerous. That's just what you would say. This is so unreal. I'm dreaming... -Stay here, I'll be back. Sure. I won't hold my breath. -I'm not worth it, Buckaroo! Forget me! Penny--?! Are you all right? -World Watch One. Direct incoming transmission. Hello, Mr. President. How's my favorite patient? Any tenderness? -Hello, Mr. President. How's my favorite patient? Any tenderness? That which does not kill us makes us stronger, Buckaroo. What's it like out there in the real world? -Not too terrific, sir. I apologize for the interruption but something very unusual has reared its ugly head in outer space, and it looks like the Earth's caught in a crossfire. You're gonna have to repeat that, I think, Buckaroo. -...hit Smolensk and precipitate a thermonuclear war, Mr. President. A what? -A what? A thermonuclear holocaust, sir. These creatures from Planet 10 are ready to exploit Soviet-American tensions and get us to blow each other off the face of the earth, sir, if necessary. -A thermonuclear holocaust, sir. These creatures from Planet 10 are ready to exploit Soviet-American tensions and get us to blow each other off the face of the earth, sir, if necessary. You're quite serious about this, aren't you, Buckaroo. We know each other pretty well, I think. -What? A black ship? Where? A black thermopod's been shot down ten miles back. A black thermopod here? On Earth?! Why, John Gomez? Why? -Where was it, John O'Connor? How far back? I have a radio fix... -Not here! No Overthruster! John Whorfin will kill us! -John Whorfin will kill us! You look! It's not here! -But John Whorfin said kill her. Damn John Whorfin--! -Buckaroo, come in...over. How does this damn thing work? Can anybody figure this lighter out? No, sir. I think the flint... -No, sir. I think the flint... What's happening with my call to SAC? -What's happening with my call to SAC? Still no confirmation either from SAC or Strategic Space Command. They report all surveillance satellite communication jammed. -Still no confirmation either from SAC or Strategic Space Command. They report all surveillance satellite communication jammed. Jammed--? By who? Whom by? -Jammed--? By who? Whom by? Possible atmospheric condition, sir...solar. It's unusual, but no cause for alarm. Intelligence reports the Soviets are having the same problem. -Possible atmospheric condition, sir...solar. It's unusual, but no cause for alarm. Intelligence reports the Soviets are having the same problem. Should we be on Code Red? -How long you been riding with Buckaroo, Reno? Nigh on ten years. Been through a lotta scrapes together. -Nigh on ten years. Been through a lotta scrapes together. What'd you do before? Can I ask? -What'd you do before? Can I ask? Government work. Had my own think tank. Got tired of thinking-wanted some action. Seen plenty of it too. So will you if you stick around. -Government work. Had my own think tank. Got tired of thinking-wanted some action. Seen plenty of it too. So will you if you stick around. Where's Buckaroo? Is he alive? -Where's Buckaroo? Is he alive? Course he's alive. He's Buckaroo Banzai. -What's his problem? Perfect Tommy's just threatened by smart women. Can you play that thing? -Perfect Tommy's just threatened by smart women. Can you play that thing? Better than him. -Better see what's keepin' the boss, Reno. Why me? -Pick those up, Reno. I didn't drop 'em. -It's a spittin' image. Doesn't look anything like her to me. -Doesn't look anything like her to me. Pictures don't lie. -Pictures don't lie. Hell they don't. I met my first wife that way. -Hell they don't. I met my first wife that way. It's Peggy to these eyes. Same nose, same hair. Plus Buckaroo thinks so too or else he wouldn't be ready to go make a fool of himself, right? -Doctor Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once? You're thinking of Mr. Wizard. This guy's an eccentric genius. -You're thinking of Mr. Wizard. This guy's an eccentric genius. Hey, so was Mr. Wizard. -The name's Reno. This here's Perfect Tommy. Where do you hail from, Doc? -Reno, how's about you take New Jersey's gear, mosey on over to the bus and introduce him to the rest of the hands. Why me? -Why me? Cause Buckaroo needs me here. -Any sign of Buckaroo? No! Ditto the professor- -We're waiting for the Jet Car. Billy's bringing it. Asshole probably got lost. -So where's Buckaroo? Whadda you need Buckaroo for? -Unscheduled surgery. He'll be waltzing along momentarily. What're you doing tonight? Flying to Cambodia. -That's why I wear a fifty dollar hat. Was a two hundred dollar hat, I hadda kill you. Bet you say that to all the girls, Perfect Tommy. -Bet you say that to all the girls, Perfect Tommy. Bet I do. -Now twenty seconds downrange...Perfect Tommy, how on earth is Buckaroo able to keep that thing on the ground? She's just a damn road hugger, Allison. Plus the man can drive. -Is, uh... Is he okay? He will be... When he can't write, he drinks. -I am sorry, it's so embarassing. How about you? Will you be alright? -How about you? Will you be alright? I'll be fine... Are you a writer, Mr Fink? -I'll be fine... Are you a writer, Mr Fink? Yes I am. I'm working on a wres – please call me Barton. -I'll tell Bill you dropped by. I'm sure he'll want to reschedule your appointment. Perhaps you and I could get together at some point also. –I'm sorry if that sounds abrupt. I just... I don't know anyone here in this town. -Perhaps the three of us, Mr. Fink. Please, Barton. -Please, Barton. Barton. You see, Barton, I'm not just Bill's secretary – Bill and I are... I love. We- -I see. ...I know this must look... funny. -...I know this must look... funny. No, no – -Let him go. That son of a bitch... Don't get me wrong, he's a fine writer. -...Oh Barton, I feel so... sorry for him! What?! He's a son of a bitch! -What?! He's a son of a bitch! No, sometimes he just... well, he thinks about Estelle. His wife still lives in Fayettesville. She's... disturbed. -No, sometimes he just... well, he thinks about Estelle. His wife still lives in Fayettesville. She's... disturbed. Really?... -...Well that doesn't excuse his behavior. He'll wander back when he's sober and apologize. He always does. -He'll wander back when he's sober and apologize. He always does. Okay, but that doesn't excuse his – -Okay, but that doesn't excuse his – Barton. Empathy requires... understanding. -Barton. Empathy requires... understanding. What. What don't I understand? -Pick it up... Pick it up. Pick it- Hello. -Hello. Audrey, listen, I need help. I know it's late and I shouldn't be calling you like this – believe me I wouldn't have if I could see any other alternative, but I – I'm sorry - listen, how are you – I'm sorry. You doing okay? -Audrey, listen, I need help. I know it's late and I shouldn't be calling you like this – believe me I wouldn't have if I could see any other alternative, but I – I'm sorry - listen, how are you – I'm sorry. You doing okay? ...Who is this? -...Who is this? Barton. I'm sorry, it's Barton Fink. -If you could, I'd – If I can. He gets jealous; he- -Hello, Barton. Audrey, thank you for coming. Thank you. I'm sorry to be such a... such a... Thank you. -Now that's all right, Barton. Everything'll be all right. Yes. Thank you. How's Bill? -Yes. Thank you. How's Bill? Oh, he's... he drifted off. He'll sleep for a while now. What is it you have to do, exactly? -Well I have to come up with – an outline, I'd guess you call it. The story. The whole goddamn story. Soup to nuts. Three acts. The whole goddamn- It's alright, Barton. You don't have to write actual scenes? -It's alright, Barton. You don't have to write actual scenes? No, but the whole goddamn – Audrey? Have you ever had to read any of Bill's wrestling scenarios? -Yes, I'm afraid I have. What are they like? What are they about? -What are they like? What are they about? Well, usually, they're... simply morality tales. There's a good wrestler, and a bad wrestler whom he confronts at the end. In between, the good wrestler has a love interest or a child he has to protect. Bill would usually make the good wrestler a backwoods type, or a convict. And sometimes, instead of a waif, he'd have the wrestler protecting an idiot manchild. The studio always hated that. Oh, some of the scripts were so... spirited! -Well... THIS. You wrote his scripts for him? -You wrote his scripts for him? Well, the basic ideas were frequently his- -Well, the basic ideas were frequently his- You wrote Bill's scripts! Jesus Christ, you wrote his – what about before that? -You wrote Bill's scripts! Jesus Christ, you wrote his – what about before that? Before what? -Before what? Before Bill came to Hollywood. -Well, Bill was ALWAYS the author, so to speak- What do you mean so to speak?! Audrey, how long have you been his... secretary? -What do you mean so to speak?! Audrey, how long have you been his... secretary? Barton, I think we should concentrate on OUR little project- -Barton, I think we should concentrate on OUR little project- I want to know how many of Bill's books you wrote! -I want to know how many of Bill's books you wrote! Barton! -Barton! I want to know! -I want to know! Barton, honestly, only the last couple- -Barton, honestly, only the last couple- Hah! -Hah! And my input was mostly... EDITORIAL, really, when he'd been drinking- -And my input was mostly... EDITORIAL, really, when he'd been drinking- "I'll bet. Jesus – ""The grand productive days."" What a goddamn phony." -If I close m'eyes I can almost smell the live oak. That's hamburger grease, Bill. -That's hamburger grease, Bill. Well, m'olfactory's turnin' womanish on me – lyin' and deceitful... -...This'll sometimes help. That doesn't help anything, Bill. -So now I'm s'posed to roll over like an ol' bitch dog gettin' ger belly scratched. Bill – -M'honey pretends to be impatient with me, Barton, but she'll put up with anything. Not anything, Bill. Don't test me. -Am I? Maybe to a schoolboy's eye. People who know about the human heart, though, mebbe they'd say, Bill over here, he gives his honey love, and she pays him back with pity – the basest coin there is. Stop it, Bill! -Barton, I'm afraid it's not a good time- Drown all those rascals... -All right Barton, I'll see if I can slip away- Who is that?! Gaddamn voices come into the house... sons of bitches... -I'll try to slip out. If he quiets down, passes out... I'm afraid he thinks – well, he said you were a buffoon, Barton. He becomes irrational– Hesh up! Be still now! DROWN 'EM! DROWN 'EM! DROWN – -How d'ya like your room! ...Who is this? -...Who is this? Chet! -Chet! ...Who? -...Who? Chet! From downstairs! -...Hello. Garland, it's me. -I write. Oh yeah? What kind of write? -Oh yeah? What kind of write? Well as a matter of fact, I write for the pictures. -No, I – I didn't mean to sound – What DID you mean? -What DID you mean? I – I've got respect for – for working guys, like you – -How long you been up there, Fink? A week, eight, nine days – -Ever talk to him? ...Once or twice. His name is Charlie Meadows. -Yeah, he's funny that way. I... -...No. I never saw him with anyone else. So. You talked to Mundt, what about? -So. You talked to Mundt, what about? Nothing, really. Said he was in the insurance business. -Well that's what he said. What else? -What else? He... I'm trying to think... Nothing, really... He... He said he liked Jack Oakie pictures. -Could you come back later? It's just... too hot... My head is killing me. All right, forget the heads. Where's Mundt, Fink? -I beg your pardon? W.P. Mayhew? The writer? -W.P. Mayhew? The writer? Just Bill, please. -Sir, I'm flattered that you even recognize my name. My God, I had no idea you were in Hollywood. All of us undomesticated writers eventually make their way out here to the Great Salt Lick. Mebbe that's why I allus have such a powerful thrust. -...A little social lubricant, Mistuh Fink? It's still a little early for me. -It's still a little early for me. So be it. -...Still, I must say. I haven't felt peace like this since the grand productive days. Don't you find it so, Barton? Ain't writin' peace? Well... actually, no Bill... -...No, I've always found that writing comes from a great inner pain. Maybe it's a pain that comes from a realization that one must do something for one's fellow man – to help somehow to ease his suffering. Maybe it's a personal pain. At any rate, I don't believe good work is possible without it. Mmm. Wal, me, I just enjoy maikn' things up. Yessir. Escape... It's when I can't write, can't escape m'self, that I want to tear m'head off and run screamin' down the street with m'balls in a fruitpickers pail. Mm... -Look, maybe it's none of my business, but a man with your talent – don't you think your first obligation would be to your gift? Shouldn't you be doing whatever you have to do to work again? And what would that be, son? -And what would that be, son? I don't know exactly. But I do know what you're doing with that drink. You're cutting yourself off from your gift, and from me and Audrey, and from your fellow man, and from everything your art is about. -I don't know exactly. But I do know what you're doing with that drink. You're cutting yourself off from your gift, and from me and Audrey, and from your fellow man, and from everything your art is about. No son, thisahere moonshine's got nothin' to do with shuttin' folks out. No, I'm usin' it to build somethin'. -No son, thisahere moonshine's got nothin' to do with shuttin' folks out. No, I'm usin' it to build somethin'. What's that? -What's that? I'm buildin' a levee. Gulp by gulp, brick by brick. Raisin' up a levee to keep that ragin' river of manure from lappin' at m'door. -I'll jus' walk on down to the Pacific, and from there I'll... improvise. Are you all right? -I'm sorry, I just feel like –I know I shouldn't ask, I just need some kind of help, I just, I have a deadline tomorrow- I said drown 'em all! Who is that? -Goddamn voices... DROWN 'EM! I need help, Audrey. -I'm a writer, Mr. Geisler. Ted Okum said I should drop by morning to see you about the – Ever act? -Ever act? ...Huh? No, I'm – -...Huh? No, I'm – We need Indians for a Norman Steele western. -We need Indians for a Norman Steele western. I'm a writer. Ted O – -I'm a writer. Ted O – Think about it, Fink. Writers come and go; we always need Indians. -Think about it, Fink. Writers come and go; we always need Indians. I'm a writer. Ted Okum said you're producing this Wallace Beery picture I'm working on. -I'm a writer. Ted Okum said you're producing this Wallace Beery picture I'm working on. What!? Ted Okum doesn't know shit. They've assigned me enough pictures for a goddamn year. What Ted Okum doesn't know you could almost squeeze into the Hollywood Bowl. -What!? Ted Okum doesn't know shit. They've assigned me enough pictures for a goddamn year. What Ted Okum doesn't know you could almost squeeze into the Hollywood Bowl. Then who should I talk to? -Don't worry about it. It's just a B picture. I bring it in on budget, they'll book it without even screening it. Life is too short. But Lipnik said he wanted to look at the script, see something by the end of the week. -But Lipnik said he wanted to look at the script, see something by the end of the week. Sure he did. And he forgot about it before your ass left his sofa. -Sure he did. And he forgot about it before your ass left his sofa. Okay. I'm just having trouble getting started. It's funny, I'm blocked up. I feel like I need some kind of indication of... what's expected – -Okay. I'm just having trouble getting started. It's funny, I'm blocked up. I feel like I need some kind of indication of... what's expected – Wallace Beery. Wrestling picture. What do you need, a road map? -...Look, you're confused? You need guidance? Talk to another writer. Who? -Wuddya got for me – what the hell happened to your face? Nothing. It's just a mosquito bite. -Nothing. It's just a mosquito bite. Like hell it is; there are no mosquitos in Los Angeles. Mosquitos breed in swamps – this is a desert town. Wuddya got for me? -Like hell it is; there are no mosquitos in Los Angeles. Mosquitos breed in swamps – this is a desert town. Wuddya got for me? Well I... -Well I... On the Beery picture! Where are we? Wuddya got? -On the Beery picture! Where are we? Wuddya got? Well, to tell you the truth, I'm having some trouble getting started– -Well, to tell you the truth, I'm having some trouble getting started– Getting STARTED! Christ Jesus! Started?! You mean you don't have ANYthing?! -Getting STARTED! Christ Jesus! Started?! You mean you don't have ANYthing?! Well not much. -What do you think this is? HAMLET? GONE WITH THE WIND? RUGGLES OF RED GAP? It's a goddamn B picture! Big men in tights! You know the drill! I'm afraid I don't really understand that genre. maybe that's the prob- -I'm afraid I don't really understand that genre. maybe that's the prob- Understand shit! I though you were gonna consult another writer on this! -Understand shit! I though you were gonna consult another writer on this! Well, I've talked to Bill Mayhew- -Well, I've talked to Bill Mayhew- Bill Mayhew! Some help! The guy's a souse! -Bill Mayhew! Some help! The guy's a souse! He's a great writer – -He's a great writer – A souse! -A souse! You don't understand. He's in pain, because he can't write- -You don't understand. He's in pain, because he can't write- Souse! Souse! He manages to write his name on the back of his paycheck every week! -Souse! Souse! He manages to write his name on the back of his paycheck every week! But... I thought no one cared about this picture. -But... I thought no one cared about this picture. You thought! Where'd you get THAT from? You thought! I don't know what the hell you said to Lipnik, but the sonofabitch LIKES you! You understand that, Fink? He LIKES you! He's taken an interest. NEVER make Lipnik like you. NEVER! -I don't understand- Are you deaf, he LIKES you! He's taken an interest! What the hell did you say to him? -Are you deaf, he LIKES you! He's taken an interest! What the hell did you say to him? I didn't say anything- -I didn't say anything- Well he's taken an interest! That means he'll make your life hell, which I could care less about, but since I drew the short straw to supervise this turkey, he's gonna be all over me too! Fat-assed sonofabitch called me yesterday to ask how it's going – don't worry, I covered for you. Told him you were making progress and we were all very excited. I told him it was great, so now MY ass is on the line. He wants you to tell him all about it tomorrow. -Well he's taken an interest! That means he'll make your life hell, which I could care less about, but since I drew the short straw to supervise this turkey, he's gonna be all over me too! Fat-assed sonofabitch called me yesterday to ask how it's going – don't worry, I covered for you. Told him you were making progress and we were all very excited. I told him it was great, so now MY ass is on the line. He wants you to tell him all about it tomorrow. I can't write anything by tomorrow. -I can't write anything by tomorrow. Who said write? Jesus, Jack can't read. You gotta TELL it to him-tell him SOMEthing for Chrissake. -Who said write? Jesus, Jack can't read. You gotta TELL it to him-tell him SOMEthing for Chrissake. Well what do I tell him? -I thought you were going to join us. Jesus, Garland, you left me alone with those people. Don't panic, I'll join you in a minute. What's you think of Richard and Poppy? -We have to talk a little business. I've just been on the phone to Los Angeles. Barton, Capitol Pictures wants to put you under contract. They've offered you a thousand dollars a week. I think I can get them to go as high as two. To do what? -To do what? What do you do far a living? -What do you do far a living? I'm not sure anymore. I guess I try to make a difference. -I'm not sure anymore. I guess I try to make a difference. Fair enough. No pressure here, Barton, because I respect you, but let me point out a couple of things. One, here you make a difference to five hundred fifty people a night – if the show sells out. Eighty five million people go to the pictures every week. -Fair enough. No pressure here, Barton, because I respect you, but let me point out a couple of things. One, here you make a difference to five hundred fifty people a night – if the show sells out. Eighty five million people go to the pictures every week. To see pap. -To see pap. Yes, generally, to see pap. However, point number two: A brief tenure in Hollywood could support you through the writing of any number of plays. -Yes, generally, to see pap. However, point number two: A brief tenure in Hollywood could support you through the writing of any number of plays. I don't know, Garland; my place is here right now. I feel I'm on the brink of success- -I don't know, Garland; my place is here right now. I feel I'm on the brink of success- I'd say you're already enjoying some. -...I guess I'm sprouting off again. But I am certain of this, Garland: I'm capable of more good work. Maybe better work than I did in Choirs. It just doesn't seem to me that Los Angeles is the place to lead the life of mind. Okay Barton, you're the artist, I'm just the ten percenter. You decide what you want and I'll make it happen. I'm only asking that your decision be informed by a little realism – if I can use that word and Hollywood in the same breath. -...Look, they love you, kid – everybody does. You see Caven's review in the Herald? No, what did it say? -No, what did it say? Take my copy. You're the toast of Broadway and you have the opportunity to redeem that for a little cash – strike that, a lot of cash. -Barton? What time is it? Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine, Garland – I have to talk to you. I'm calling long distance. -Yeah, I'm fine, Garland – I have to talk to you. I'm calling long distance. Okay. -...What is it Barton? Are you okay? I'm fine, garland, but I have to talk with you. -I'm fine, garland, but I have to talk with you. Go ahead, son. -Go ahead, son. It's about what I'm writing, Garland. It's really... I think it's really big. -It's about what I'm writing, Garland. It's really... I think it's really big. What do you mean, Barton? -What do you mean, Barton? Not big in the sense of large – although it's that too. I mean important. This may be the most IMPORTANT work I've done. -Not big in the sense of large – although it's that too. I mean important. This may be the most IMPORTANT work I've done. Well, I'm... glad to hear that – -Well, I'm... glad to hear that – Very important, Garland. I just thought you should know that. Whatever happens. -Very important, Garland. I just thought you should know that. Whatever happens. ...That's fine. -...That's fine. Have you read the Bible, Garland? -Have you read the Bible, Garland? ...Barton, is everything okay? -...Barton, is everything okay? Yes... Isn't it? -Yes... Isn't it? Well, I'm just asking. You sound a little – -Sound a little what? Well, you just... sound a little– -Neighbor, I'd feel better about the damned inconvenience if you'd let me buy you a drink. That's all right, really, thank you. -That's all right, really, thank you. All right, hell, you trying to work and me carrying on in there. Look, the liquor's good, wuddya say? -... You got a glass? It's the least I can do. Okay... a quick one, sure... -Yeah, just a nip. I feel like hell, all the carryings-on next door. That's okay, I assure you. It's just that I was trying to work – -That's okay, I assure you. It's just that I was trying to work – What kind of work do you do, Barton, if you don't mind my asking? -What kind of work do you do, Barton, if you don't mind my asking? Well, I'm a writer, actually. -Well, I'm a writer, actually. You don't say. That's a tough racket. My hat's off to anyone who can make a go of it. Damned interesting work, I'd imagine. -You don't say. That's a tough racket. My hat's off to anyone who can make a go of it. Damned interesting work, I'd imagine. Can be. Not easy, but – -Can be. Not easy, but – Damned difficult, I'd imagine. -And what's your line, Mr. Meadows? Hell no! Call me Charlie. Well Barton, you might say I sell peace of mind. Insurance is my game – door-to-door, human contact, still the only way to move merchandise. -...In spite of what you might think from tonight, I'm pretty good at it. Doesn't surprise me at all. -Doesn't surprise me at all. Hell yes. Because I believe in it. Fire, theft, and casualty are not things that only happen to other people – that's what I tell 'em. Writing doesn't work out, you might want to look into it. Providing for basic human need – a fella could do worse. -Hell yes. Because I believe in it. Fire, theft, and casualty are not things that only happen to other people – that's what I tell 'em. Writing doesn't work out, you might want to look into it. Providing for basic human need – a fella could do worse. Thanks, I'll keep it in mind. -Thanks, I'll keep it in mind. What kind of scribbler are you – newspaperman did you say? -What kind of scribbler are you – newspaperman did you say? No, I'm actually writing for the pictures now – -No, I'm actually writing for the pictures now – Pictures! Jesus! -...Is the egg showing or what?! That's okay; actually I am just starting out in the movies – though I was pretty well established in New York, some renown there, -That's okay; actually I am just starting out in the movies – though I was pretty well established in New York, some renown there, Oh, it's an exciting time then. I'm not the best-read mug on the planet, so I guess it's no surprise I didn't recognize your name. Jesus, I feel like a heel. -That's okay, Charlie. I'm a playwright. My shows've only played New York. Last one got a hell of a write-up in the Herald. I guess that's why they wanted me here. Hell, why not? Everyone wants quality. What kind of venue, that is to say, thematically, uh... -Hell, why not? Everyone wants quality. What kind of venue, that is to say, thematically, uh... What do I write about? -Caught me trying to be fancy! Yeah, that's it, Bart. Well, that's a good question. Strange as it may seem, Charlie, I guess I write about people like you. The average working stiff. The common man. -Well, that's a good question. Strange as it may seem, Charlie, I guess I write about people like you. The average working stiff. The common man. Well ain't that a kick in the head! -Well ain't that a kick in the head! Yeah, I guess it is. But in a way, that's exactly the point. There's a few people in New York – hopefully our numbers are growing – who feel we have an opportunity now to forge something real out of everyday experience, create a theater for the masses that's based on a few simple truths – not on some shopworn abstractions about drama that doesn't hold true today, if they ever did... -...I don't guess this means much to you. Hell, I could tell you some stories– -Hell, I could tell you some stories– And that's the point, that we all have stories. The hopes and dreams of the common man are as noble as those of any king. It's the stuff of life – why shouldn't it be the stuff of theater? Goddamnit, why should that be a hard pill to swallow? Don't call it new theater, Charlie; call it real theater. Call it our theater. -And that's the point, that we all have stories. The hopes and dreams of the common man are as noble as those of any king. It's the stuff of life – why shouldn't it be the stuff of theater? Goddamnit, why should that be a hard pill to swallow? Don't call it new theater, Charlie; call it real theater. Call it our theater. I can see you feel pretty strongly about it. -I can see you feel pretty strongly about it. Well, I don't mean to get up on my high horse, but why shouldn't we look at ourselves up there? Who cares about the Fifth Earl of Bastrop and Lady Higginbottom and – and – and who killed Nigel Grinch-Gibbons? -Well, I don't mean to get up on my high horse, but why shouldn't we look at ourselves up there? Who cares about the Fifth Earl of Bastrop and Lady Higginbottom and – and – and who killed Nigel Grinch-Gibbons? I can feel my butt getting sore already. -I can feel my butt getting sore already. Exactly, Charlie! You understand what I'm saying – a lot more than some of these literary types. Because you're a real man! -Exactly, Charlie! You understand what I'm saying – a lot more than some of these literary types. Because you're a real man! And I could tell you some stories – -And I could tell you some stories – Sure you could! And yet many writers do everything in their power to insulate themselves from the common man – from where they live, from where they trade, from where they fight and love and converse and – and – and... so naturally their work suffers, and regresses into empty formalism and – well, I'm spouting off again, but to put it in your language, the theater becomes as phony as a three dollar bill. -Sure you could! And yet many writers do everything in their power to insulate themselves from the common man – from where they live, from where they trade, from where they fight and love and converse and – and – and... so naturally their work suffers, and regresses into empty formalism and – well, I'm spouting off again, but to put it in your language, the theater becomes as phony as a three dollar bill. Yeah, I guess that's tragedy right there. -Yeah, I guess that's tragedy right there. Frequently played, seldom remarked. -You're all right, Charlie. I'm glad you stopped by. I'm sorry if – well I know I sometimes run on. Hell no! Jesus, I'm the kind of guy, I'll let you know if I'm bored. I find it all pretty damned interesting. I'm the kind schmoe who's generally interested in the other guy's point of view. -Hell no! Jesus, I'm the kind of guy, I'll let you know if I'm bored. I find it all pretty damned interesting. I'm the kind schmoe who's generally interested in the other guy's point of view. Well, we've got something in common then. -Sure, sure Charlie, you can help by just being yourself. Well, I can tell you some stories – -...And look, I'm sorry as hell about the interruption. Too much revelry late at night, you forget there are other people in the world. See you, Charlie. -Howdy, neighbor. Charlie. How are you. -Charlie. How are you. Jesus, I hope I'm not interrupting you again. I heard you walking around in here. Figured I'd drop by. -Jesus, I hope I'm not interrupting you again. I heard you walking around in here. Figured I'd drop by. Yeah, come in Charlie. Hadn't really gotten started yet – what happened to your ear? -Oh, yeah. An ear infection, chronic thing. Goes away for a while, but it always comes back. Gotta put cotton in it to staunch the flow of pus. Don't worry, it's not contagious. Seen a doctor? -Ah, doctors. What's he gonna tell me? Can't trade my head in for a new one. No, I guess you're stuck with the one you've got. Have a seat. -Thanks, I'd invite you over to my place, but it's a goddamn mess. You married, Bart? Nope. -Nope. I myself have yet to be lassoed. -...Got a sweetheart? No... I guess it's something about my work. I get so worked up over it, I don't know; I don't really have a lot of attention left over, so it would be a little unfair... -No... I guess it's something about my work. I get so worked up over it, I don't know; I don't really have a lot of attention left over, so it would be a little unfair... Yeah, the ladies do ask for attention. In my experience, they pretend to give it, but it's generally a smoke- screen for demanding it back – with interest. How about family, Bart? How're you fixed in that department? -My folks live in Brooklyn, with my uncle. Mine have passed on. It's just the three of us now... -...What's the expression – me myself and I. Sure, that's tough, but in a sense, we're all alone in this world aren't we Charlie? I'm often surrounded by family and friends, but... -...It was taken by one of my policy holders. They're more than just customers to me, Barton. They really appreciate what I have to offer them. Ya see, her hubby was out of town at the time – You know, in a way, I envy you Charlie. Your daily routine – you know what's expected. You know the drill. My job is to plumb the depths, so to speak, dredge something up from inside, something honest. There's no road map for that territory... -...This must be boring you. Not at all. It's damned interesting. -Not at all. It's damned interesting. Yeah... -...Probably sounds a little grand coming from someone who's writing a wrestling picture for Wallace Beery. Beery! You got no beef there! He's good. Hell of an actor – though, for my money, you can't beat Jack Oakie. A stitch, Oakie. Funny stuff, funny stuff. But don't get me wrong – Beery, a wrestling picture, that could be a pip. Wrestled some myself back in school. I guess you know the basic moves. -Beery! You got no beef there! He's good. Hell of an actor – though, for my money, you can't beat Jack Oakie. A stitch, Oakie. Funny stuff, funny stuff. But don't get me wrong – Beery, a wrestling picture, that could be a pip. Wrestled some myself back in school. I guess you know the basic moves. Nope, never watched any. I'm not that interested in the act itself – -Nope, never watched any. I'm not that interested in the act itself – Okay, but hell, you should know what it is. I can show you in about thirty seconds. -...You're a little out of your weight class, but just for purposes of demonstration – That's all right, really – -That's all right, really – Not a bit of it, compadre! Easiest thing in the world! You just get down on your knees to my left, slap your right hand here... -"...All right now, when I say ""Ready... wrestle!"" you try and pin me, and I try and pin you. That's the whole game. Got it?" ...Yeah, okay. -...Yeah, okay. Ready... wrestle! -It's okay, it's okay. Well, that's all that wrestling is. Except usually there's more grunting and squirming before the pin. Well, it's your first time. And you're out of your weight class. -I hope these are your shoes. Hi, Charlie. -Hi, Charlie. Because that would mean they gave you mine. -Because that would mean they gave you mine. Yeah, as a matter of fact they did. Come on in. -Jesus, what a day I've had. Ever had one of those days? Seems like nothing but, lately. -Jesus, what a day. Felt like I couldn't've sold ice water in the Sahara. Jesus. Okay, so you don't want insurance, so okay, that's your loss. But God, people can be rude. Feel like I have to talk to a normal person like just to restore a little of my... Well, my pleasure. I could use a little lift myself. -Well, my pleasure. I could use a little lift myself. A little lift, yeah... -...Did I say rude? People can be goddamn cruel. Especially some of their housewives. Okay, so I've got a weight problem. That's my cross to bear. I dunno... Well it's... it's a defense mechanism. -Well it's... it's a defense mechanism. Defense against what? Insurance? Something they need? Something they should be thanking me for offering? A little peace of mind?... -...Listen to me belly-achin'. As if my problems amounted to a hill of beans. How goes the life of the mind? Well, it's been better. I can't seem to get going on this thing. That one idea, the one that lets you get started – I still haven't gotten it. Maybe I only had one idea in me – my play. Maybe once that was done, I was done being a writer. Christ, I feel like a fraud, sitting here staring at this paper. -Well, it's been better. I can't seem to get going on this thing. That one idea, the one that lets you get started – I still haven't gotten it. Maybe I only had one idea in me – my play. Maybe once that was done, I was done being a writer. Christ, I feel like a fraud, sitting here staring at this paper. Those two love-birds next door drivin' you nuts? -How did you know about that? Know about it? I can practically see how they're doin' it. Brother, I wish I had a piece of that. -Know about it? I can practically see how they're doin' it. Brother, I wish I had a piece of that. Yeah, but – -Yeah, but – Seems like I hear everything that goes on in this dump. Pipes or somethin'. I'm just glad I don't have to ply MY trade in the wee-wee hours. -...Ah, you'll lick this picture business, believe me. You've got a head on your shoulders. What is it they say? Where there's a head, there's a hope? Where there's life there's hope. -And there's hope for you too, Charlie. Tomorrow I bet you sell a half-dozen policies. Thanks, brother. But the fact is, I gotta pull up stakes temporarily. -Thanks, brother. But the fact is, I gotta pull up stakes temporarily. You're leaving? -You're leaving? In a few days. Out to your stompin' grounds as a matter of fact – New York City. Things have gotten all balled up at the Head Office. -In a few days. Out to your stompin' grounds as a matter of fact – New York City. Things have gotten all balled up at the Head Office. I'm truly sorry to hear that, Charlie. I'll miss you. -I'm truly sorry to hear that, Charlie. I'll miss you. Well hell, buddy, don't pull a long face! This is still home for me – I keep my room, and I'll be back sooner or later... -...Your room does that too? I guess the heat's sweating off the wallpaper. -I guess the heat's sweating off the wallpaper. What a dump... -...I guess it seems pathetic to a guy like you. Well... -Well... Well it's pathetic, isn't it? I mean to a guy from New York. -Well it's pathetic, isn't it? I mean to a guy from New York. What do you mean? -What do you mean? This kind of heat. It's pathetic. -This kind of heat. It's pathetic. Well, I guess you pick your poison. -Well, I guess you pick your poison. So they say. -So they say. Don't pick up and leave without saying goodbye. -Don't pick up and leave without saying goodbye. Course not, compadre. You'll see me again. -...Can I come in? No!... I'm fine. Thank you. -No!... I'm fine. Thank you. Are you sure – -Are you sure – No... no... -Barton. Are you all right? No... Can I come in? -No... Can I come in? Why don't we go to your room- -Why don't we go to your room- Charlie, I'm in trouble. You've gotta help me. -Get a grip on yourself, brother. Whatever the problem is, we'll sort it out. Charlie, I'm in trouble – something horrible's happened – I've gotta call the police... -...Will you stay with me till they get here? Don't worry about it, Barton. We can sort it- -...Jesus, Barton, what the hell is this? What're we gonna do? I've gotta call the police – or you could call for me – -I've gotta call the police – or you could call for me – Hold on – -Hold on – You gotta believe me – -You gotta believe me – Hold on – -Hold on – I didn't do this, I did NOT do this– -I didn't do this, I did NOT do this– Hold on. Stop. Take a deep breath. Tell me what happened. -Hold on. Stop. Take a deep breath. Tell me what happened. I don't know! I woke up, she was... God, you gotta believe me! -I believe you, brother, but this don't look good. We gotta call the police – -We gotta call the police – Hold on. I said hold on, so hold on. -Hold on. I said hold on, so hold on. Yeah. -Yeah. What do you think happened? -What do you think happened? I don't know! Maybe it was her... boyfriend. I passed out. I don't know. Won't the police be able to – -I don't know! Maybe it was her... boyfriend. I passed out. I don't know. Won't the police be able to – Stop with the police! Wake up, friend! This does not look good! They hang people for this! -Stop with the police! Wake up, friend! This does not look good! They hang people for this! But I didn't do it – don't you believe me? -But I didn't do it – don't you believe me? I believe you – I KNOW you. But why should the police? -Jesus... They can tell that... They GOTTA believe me, Charlie! They gotta have mercy! -They GOTTA believe me, Charlie! They gotta have mercy! You're in pictures, Barton. Even if you got cleared eventually, this would ruin you. -...Uh-huh... Where's Audrey? She's dead, Barton! If that was her name. -Jesus... You're leaving. Have to, old timer. Just for a while. -Jesus, Charlie, I... Everything's okay, believe me. I know it's rough mentally, but everything's taken care of. -Everything's okay, believe me. I know it's rough mentally, but everything's taken care of. Charlie! I've got no one else here! You're the only person I know in Los Angeles... -It's okay... It's okay... Charlie, I feel like I'm going crazy – like I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to do... I didn't do it, believe me. I'm sure of that, Charlie. I just... -...I just don't know what... to do– You gotta get a grip on, brother. You gotta just carry on – just for a few days, till I get back. Try and stay here, keep your door locked. Don't talk to anyone. We just gotta keep our heads and we'll figure it out. -You gotta get a grip on, brother. You gotta just carry on – just for a few days, till I get back. Try and stay here, keep your door locked. Don't talk to anyone. We just gotta keep our heads and we'll figure it out. Yeah, but Charlie – -Yeah, but Charlie – Dammit, don't argue with me. You asked me to believe you – well I do. Now don't argue with me. -Sure, Charlie. Funny, huh, when everything that's important to a guy, everything he wants to keep from a lifetime – when he can fit it into a little box like that. I guess... I guess it's kind of pathetic. -It's more than I've got. Well, keep it for me. Maybe it'll bring you good luck. Yeah, it'll help you finish your script. You'll think about me... -You'll be back? Don't worry about that, compadre. I'll be back. -...Don't look at me like that, neighbor. It's just me – Charlie. I hear it's Mundt. Madman Mundt. -But Charlie – why me? Why – Because you DON'T LISTEN! -...Where did we put him? I'm at the Earle. -I'm at the Earle. Never heard of it. Let's move him to the Grand, or the Wilshire, or hell, he can stay at my place. -Never heard of it. Let's move him to the Grand, or the Wilshire, or hell, he can stay at my place. Thanks, but I wanted a place that was less... -Thanks, but I wanted a place that was less... Less Hollywood? Sure, say it, it's not a dirty word. Sat whatever the hell you want. The writer is king here at Capitol Pictures. You don't believe me, take a look at your paycheck at the end of every week – that's what we think of the writer. ...so what kind of pictures does he like? -To be honest, I don't go to the pictures much, Mr. Lipnik – That's okay, that's okay, that's okay – that's just fine. You probably just walked in here thinking that was going to be a handicap, thinking we wanted people who knew something about the medium, maybe even thinking there was all kind of technical mumbo- jumbo to learn. You were dead wrong. We're only interested in one thing: Can you tell a story, Bart? Can you make us laugh, can you make us cry, can you make us wanna break out in joyous song? Is that more than one thing? Okay. The point is, I run this dump and I don't know the technical mumbo-jumbo. Why do I run it? I've got horse-sense, goddamnit. Showmanship. And also, and I hope Lou told you this, I bigger and meaner than any other kike in this town. Did you tell him that, Lou? And I don't mean my dick's bigger than yours, it's not a sexual thing – although, you're the writer, you would know more about that. Coffee? -That's okay, that's okay, that's okay – that's just fine. You probably just walked in here thinking that was going to be a handicap, thinking we wanted people who knew something about the medium, maybe even thinking there was all kind of technical mumbo- jumbo to learn. You were dead wrong. We're only interested in one thing: Can you tell a story, Bart? Can you make us laugh, can you make us cry, can you make us wanna break out in joyous song? Is that more than one thing? Okay. The point is, I run this dump and I don't know the technical mumbo-jumbo. Why do I run it? I've got horse-sense, goddamnit. Showmanship. And also, and I hope Lou told you this, I bigger and meaner than any other kike in this town. Did you tell him that, Lou? And I don't mean my dick's bigger than yours, it's not a sexual thing – although, you're the writer, you would know more about that. Coffee? ...Yes, thank you. -...Yes, thank you. Lou. -...Well Bart, which is it? Orphan? Dame? ...Both maybe? -Yeah... rye whiskey? Boy! You writers! Work hard, play hard! That's what I hear, anyway... -...It's a tenement building. On the Lower East Side... Great! He's poor, this wrestler! He's had to struggle! -Great! He's poor, this wrestler! He's had to struggle! And then... well... -...Can I be honest, Mr. Lipnik? CAN you? You damn well better be. Jesus, if I hadn't been honest in my business dealings – well, of course, you can't always be honest, not with the sharks swimming around this town – but if you're a writer, you don't think about those things – if I'd been totally honest, I wouldn't be within a mile of this pool – unless I was cleaning it. But that's no reason for you not to be. Honest, I mean. Not cleaning the pool. -I – Mr. Lipnik – KISS THIS MAN'S FEET!! -Mr. Lipnik, I – I apologize, Barton. -I apologize, Barton. No no, Mr. Breeze has actually been a great help – -No no, Mr. Breeze has actually been a great help – You don't have to cover for him. It's noble of you, but these things happen in business. -You don't have to cover for him. It's noble of you, but these things happen in business. Mr. Lipnik, I really would feel much better if you could reconsider – -Mr. Lipnik, I really would feel much better if you could reconsider – Ah, forget it, kid. I want you to pull this out of your head. If that sonofabitch wouldn't apologize to you, goddammit, I will. I respect your artistry and your methods, and if you can't fill us in yet, well hell, we should be kissing your feet for your fine efforts. -Fink. Mr. Lipnik. -Mr. Lipnik. Colonel Lipnik, if you don't mind. -...I was commissioned yesterday in the Army Reserve. Henry Morgenthau arranged it. He's a dear friend. Congratulations. -Congratulations. Actually it hasn't officially gone through yet. Had wardrobe whip this up. You gotta pull teeth to get anything done in this town. I can understand a little red tape in peacetime, but now it's all-out warfare against the Japs. Little yellow bastards. They'd love to see me sit this one out. -Actually it hasn't officially gone through yet. Had wardrobe whip this up. You gotta pull teeth to get anything done in this town. I can understand a little red tape in peacetime, but now it's all-out warfare against the Japs. Little yellow bastards. They'd love to see me sit this one out. Yes sir, they – -Yes sir, they – Anyway, I had Lou read your script for me. -...I gotta tell you, Fink. It won't wash. With all due respect, sir, I think it's the best work I've done. -With all due respect, sir, I think it's the best work I've done. Don't gas me, Fink. If you're opinion mattered, then I guess I'd resign and let YOU run the the studio. It doesn't and you won't, and the lunatics are not going to run THIS particular asylum. So let's put a stop to THAT rumor right now. -Yes sir. I had to call Beery this morning, let him know we were pushing the picture back. After all I'd told him about quality, about that Barton Fink feeling. How disappointed we were. Wally was heartbroken. The man was devastated. He was – well, I didn't actually call him, Lou did. But that's a fair description, isn't it Lou? -I'm sorry if I let you down. You didn't let ME down. Or even Lou. We don't live or die by what you scribble, Fink. You let Ben Geisler down. He liked you. Trusted you. And that's why he's gone. Fired. That guy had a heart as big as the outdoors, and you fucked him. He tried to convince me to fire you too, but that would be too easy. No, you're under contract and you're gonna stay that way. Anything you write will be the property of Capitol Pictures. And Capitol Pictures will not produce anything you write. Not until you grow up a little. You ain't no writer, Fink – you're a goddamn write-off. -You didn't let ME down. Or even Lou. We don't live or die by what you scribble, Fink. You let Ben Geisler down. He liked you. Trusted you. And that's why he's gone. Fired. That guy had a heart as big as the outdoors, and you fucked him. He tried to convince me to fire you too, but that would be too easy. No, you're under contract and you're gonna stay that way. Anything you write will be the property of Capitol Pictures. And Capitol Pictures will not produce anything you write. Not until you grow up a little. You ain't no writer, Fink – you're a goddamn write-off. I tried to show you something beautiful. Something about all of US – -Welcome to the Hotel Earle. May I help you, sir? I'm checking in. Barton Fink. -F-I-N-K. Fink, Barton. That must be you, huh? Must be. -Must be. Okay then, everything seems to be in order. Everything seems to be in order. -...Are you a tranz or a rez? Excuse me? -Excuse me? Transient or resident? -Transient or resident? I don't know... I mean, I'll be here, uh, indefinitely. -I don't know... I mean, I'll be here, uh, indefinitely. Rez. That'll be twenty-five fifty a week payable in advance. Checkout time is twelve sharp, only you can forget that on account you're a rez. If you need anything, anything at all, you dial zero on your personal in-room telephone and talk to me. My name is Chet. -Rez. That'll be twenty-five fifty a week payable in advance. Checkout time is twelve sharp, only you can forget that on account you're a rez. If you need anything, anything at all, you dial zero on your personal in-room telephone and talk to me. My name is Chet. Well, I'm going to be working here, mostly at night; I'm a writer. Do you have room service? -Well, I'm going to be working here, mostly at night; I'm a writer. Do you have room service? Kitchen closes at eight but I'm the night clerk. I can always ring out for sandwiches. -...Okay Huh? -Okey-dokey, go ahead. What – -What – Don't you wanna go to your room?! -...Those your only bags? The others are being sent. -L.A.P.D. Uh-huh. -Jesus! Ain't that a load off! You live in 605? Yeah. -Is this multiple choice? Nine days – Tuesday – -...Yeah, he... he lives next door to me. That's right, Fink, he lives next door to you. -What did... What did he – Funny. As in, he likes to ventilate people with a shotgun and then cut their heads off. -Charlie... Charlie's back... No kidding, bright boy – we smelt Mundt all over this. Was he the idea man? -Sex?! He's a MAN! We WRESTLED! You're a sick fuck, Fink. -Got a couple questions to ask ya. What do you do, Fink? -Big fuckin' deal. You want my partner to kiss your ass? -You want my partner to kiss your ass? Would that be good enough for ya? -Yeah, and I'm Buck Rogers. His name is Mundt. Karl Mundt. -His name is Mundt. Karl Mundt. Also known as Madman Mundt. -Also known as Madman Mundt. He's a little funny in the head. -Started in Kansas City. Couple of housewives. Couple of days ago we see the same M.O. out in Los Feliz. -Couple of days ago we see the same M.O. out in Los Feliz. Doctor. Ear, nose and throat man,. -Doctor. Ear, nose and throat man,. All of which he's now missin'. -All of which he's now missin'. Well, some of his throat was there. -Well, some of his throat was there. Physician, heal thyself. -Physician, heal thyself. Good luck with no fuckin' head. -Good luck with no fuckin' head. Anyway. -Anyway. Hollywood precinct finds another stiff yesterday. Not too far from here. This one's better looking than the doc. -Hollywood precinct finds another stiff yesterday. Not too far from here. This one's better looking than the doc. Female caucasian, thirty years old. Nice tits. No head. You ever see Mundt with anyone meets that description? -Female caucasian, thirty years old. Nice tits. No head. You ever see Mundt with anyone meets that description? But, you know, with the head still on. -Yeah, and he's Buck Rogers. No reputable company would hire a guy like that. -Ya know, Fink, ordinarily we say anything you might remember could be helpful. But I'll be frank with you: That is not helpful. Ya see how he's not writing it down? -Ya see how he's not writing it down? Fink. That's a Jewish name, isn't it? -...I thought you said you were a writer. I dunno, Duke. I kinda liked it. -Second one of your friends to end up dead. You didn't tell us you knew the dame. -Sixth floor too high for you, Fink? Give you nose bleeds? -Tell us where the heads are, maybe they'll go easy on you. Only fry you once. -He teach you to do it? You two have some sick sex thing? -Why's it so goddamn hot out here? ...Fred... -Mr. Fink hasn't given a preference, Mr. Lipnik. How's about it, Bart? -...Thanks Lou. Join us. Join us. Talking about the Wallace Beery picture. Excellent picture. -Excellent picture. We got a treatment on it yet? -We got a treatment on it yet? No, not yet Jack. We just bought the story. Saturday Evening Post. -No, not yet Jack. We just bought the story. Saturday Evening Post. Okay, the hell with the story. Wallace Beery is a wrestler. I wanna know his hopes, his dreams. Naturally, he'll have to get mixed up with a bad element. And a romantic interest. You know the drill. Romantic interest, or else a young kid. An orphan. What do you think, Lou? Wally a little too old for a romantic interest? Look at me, a writer in the room and I'm askin' Lou what the goddamn story should be! -...Maybe we should do a treatment. Ah, hell, let Bart take a crack at it. He'll get into the swing of things or I don't know writers. Let's make it a dame, Bart, keep it simple. We don't gotta tackle the world our first time out. The important thing is we all have that Barton Fink feeling, but since you're Barton Fink I'm assuming you have it in spades. Seriously Bart, I like you. We're off to a good start. Dammit, if all our writers were like you I wouldn't have to get so goddamn involved. I'd like to see something by the end of the week. -Mr. Lipnik, I – This man creates for a living! He puts food on your table and on mine! THANK him for it! Thank him, you ungrateful sonofabitch! Thank him or YOU'RE fired! -Get down on your knees, you sonofabitch! Get down on your knees and kiss this man's feet! Mr. Lipnik, please – -Yes, Colonel. "Hell, I could take you through it step by step, explain why your story stinks, but I won't insult your intelligence. Well all right, first of all: This is a wrestling picture; the audience wants to see action, drama, wrestling, and plenty of it. They don't wanna see a guy wrestling with his soul – well, all right, a little bit, for the critics – but you make it the carrot that wags the dog. Too much of it and they head for exits and I don't blame 'em. There's plenty of poetry right inside that ring, Fink. Look at ""Hell Ten Feet Square""." -"Hell, I could take you through it step by step, explain why your story stinks, but I won't insult your intelligence. Well all right, first of all: This is a wrestling picture; the audience wants to see action, drama, wrestling, and plenty of it. They don't wanna see a guy wrestling with his soul – well, all right, a little bit, for the critics – but you make it the carrot that wags the dog. Too much of it and they head for exits and I don't blame 'em. There's plenty of poetry right inside that ring, Fink. Look at ""Hell Ten Feet Square""." """Blood, Sweat, and Canvas""." -"""Blood, Sweat, and Canvas""." "Look at ""Blood, Sweat, and Canvas"". These are big movies, Fink. About big men, in tights – both physically and mentally. But especially physically. We don't put Wallace Beery in some fruity movie about suffering – I thought we were together on that." -Okay. I went after him. I lost my temper. Do you have any evidence that he showed your psychiatric file to anyone? -Do you have any evidence that he showed your psychiatric file to anyone? No. -Where were you tonight? Home. Watching TV. -Home. Watching TV. All night? -All night? Yeah. -Yeah. Were you drinking? -Yeah, I was drinking. When did you start drinking again? -When did you start drinking again? A couple days ago. -There's no smoking in this building. What are you gonna do -- charge me with smoking? -Come on -- I'm going to storm into his office in front of everybody in the afternoon and then that night I'm going to kill him? I'd have to be really dumb to do that. Going after him before gets you off the hook for killing him that's your alibi. -I want you in Dr. Gardner's office at nine o'clock. You're out of control, Curran. Who are you guys gonna sell my file to this time? -We got a call from Berkeley P.D. There was a killing. A professor. Icepick. In his bed. Multiple stab wounds. 1977. She was there, wasn't she? -Take care, you hear? Did you find out about her parents? -Did you find out about her parents? You're on leave, man. You're on psycho leave. I'm talking to a possible whacko here. -You're on leave, man. You're on psycho leave. I'm talking to a possible whacko here. You know I'm whacko, Sam, what'd you find? -The boat blew. There was a leak in the gas line. There were two previous repairs. There was a five-mil policy on both of 'em. A real heavy investigation. Zilch. Goose-egg. It was an accident. Thanks. -I can get my butt kicked for this. You're not supposed to be in here. It's not gonna take long, Sam. -Hey, that's Dr. Gardner, isn't it? Bring 1976 up. -How are you, Nick? I'm fine. Come on, Beth! You know I'm fine! How the hell long do I have to keep doing this? -I'm fine. Come on, Beth! You know I'm fine! How the hell long do I have to keep doing this? As long as Internal Affairs wants you to, I suppose. Sit down, Nick. -As long as Internal Affairs wants you to, I suppose. Sit down, Nick. It's bullshit. You know it is. -It's bullshit. You know it is. I know it is -- but sit down anyway so we can get it over with, okay? -So -- how are things? Things are fine. I told you. They're fine. -How is your -- personal life? My sex life is fine. My sex life is pretty shitty actually since I stopped seeing you -- maybe I should think about my Electrolux again. -How about the booze? It's been three months. -It's been three months. How about the coke? -How about the coke? No. -No. No? -No? No! I'm working my tail off. I'm off the sauce, I'm not even smoking anymore. -How's not smoking? It's fucked -- now will you please tell I.A. that I'm just you average healthy totally fucked-up cop and let me get out of here? -It's fucked -- now will you please tell I.A. that I'm just you average healthy totally fucked-up cop and let me get out of here? Yes. -Yes. Thank you. -You okay? Yeah. -Yeah. You don't look so okay. -What are you doing here? Baby-sitting. Rookie cop. -Baby-sitting. Rookie cop. What else is new? -What was she like? Who? -Who? Catherine Tramell. -Catherine Tramell. She said what you said she'd say. -We were in some of the same classes. Why didn't you tell me? -I need a cigarette. I thought you quit. -What are you talking about, Nick -- what's wrong with you? Who's got access to my goddamn file? -It's a confidential psychiatric record, it'd be illegal --She backs into a wall. She looks very scared. He comes very close to her -- puts an arm behind her to the wall. Don't, Beth. Don't lie to me. -It's Internal Affairs, isn't it? No, Nick, please -- -No, Nick, please -- Who? -Who? Nilsen. -I don't owe you anything; you don't owe me anything. We went to bed -- what was it? -- ten or fifteen times? It wasn't memorable enough to carry any obligations. Sometimes I really hate you. -Sometimes I really hate you. Yeah? Well why don't you find some friendly therapist and work some of that hostility out. But take my advice. Put a little more life into it than you usually do. -You did it for me. Yes. I care about you. I did it for you. -It's the least I could do... considering I got you into this mess with those reports. No. I mean it, thank you. -How do you know Catherine Tramell saw my reports? She knows stuff about me that only you know. -She knows stuff about me that only you know. She must really be something. From a clinical point of view. -She must really be something. From a clinical point of view. What was she like in school? -What was she like in school? I hardly knew her. She gave me the creeps, though. I don't know why. -Beth. I didn't mean what I said. About -- Yes you did. I'm a big girl. I can handle it. -What is your problem? I'm trying to help you. Why won't you let me help you? I don't need any help. -I don't need any help. Yes you do. Something's on with you. You're sleeping with her, aren't you? -What is this interest you've got in her? My interest is in you, not in her. She seduces people, she manipulates -- -My interest is in you, not in her. She seduces people, she manipulates -- I thought you hardly know her. -I thought you hardly know her. I know the type. I'm a psychologist. -What do you want, Nick? Tell me about Catherine. -She told you, didn't she? What did she tell me, Beth? -What did she tell me, Beth? I slept with her once in school. I was just a kid. I was experimenting. It was just that one time. She developed a... fixation... on me. She styled her hair like mine. She wore the same kind of clothes I did. It scared me. -I did dye my hair. It didn't have anything to do with her. I was a redhead for a while, too. Did you know Noah Goldstein? -Did you know Noah Goldstein? I had him in two classes. -I had him in two classes. You saw all the reports, Beth! -She's really sick you know. Don't you know what she's doing? She knows I went to Berkeley. She knows I knew Noah. She makes up that story about me. She's handing you somebody who's obsessed with he her. She didn't hand you to me. She doesn't even know who you are. She told me about Lisa Henderson. -She didn't hand you to me. She doesn't even know who you are. She told me about Lisa Henderson. She knew you'd find out who Lisa Henderson is. You're a good cop -- what did she do? Tell you casually and make it seem irrelevant? Did she tell you in bed, Nick? That's how I'd do it. -Why did you change your name? I got married. He was on staff at the clinic. I was down in Salinas. It didn't... last long. -You should do something about this lock. She's evil. She's brilliant. Be careful, Nick. -What are you doing here? Put your hands up! -Put your fucking hands up! Don't move. I got a message on my machine to meet Gus here. Where is he? -Don't! I know about your husband. You still like girls, Beth? What? -I'm De... I know who you are. -How long were you dating him? I wasn't dating him. I was fucking him. -How long were you having sex with him? About a year and a half. -About a year and a half. Were you with him last night? -Were you with him last night? Yes. -Yes. Did you leave the club with him? -Did you leave the club with him? Yes. -Yes. Did you go home with him? -Did you go home with him? No. We had a drink at the club. We left together. I came here. He went home. -No. We had a drink at the club. We left together. I came here. He went home. Was there anyone with you last night? -Was there anyone with you last night? No. I wasn't in the mood to have sex with anyone last night. -Ms. Tramell, we'd like you to come downtown and answer some questions for us. Are you arresting me? -Are you arresting me? If that's the way you want to play it. -Do you always keep old newspapers around? Only when they make interesting reading. -Do you have a cigarette? I don't smoke. -I don't smoke. Yes, you do. -Yes, you do. I quit. -I thought you were out of cigarettes. I found some in my purse; would you like one? -I told you -- I quit. It won't last. -What's your new book about? A detective. He falls for the wrong woman. -Did I miss something? I told them you wouldn't want an attorney present. -I told them you wouldn't want to hide. I have nothing to hide. -But you said you liked men to use their hands. No. I said I liked Johnny to use his hands. I don't give any rules, Nick. I go with the flow. -Writing a book about it gives you an alibi for not killing him. Yes it does, doesn't it? -You like playing games, don't you? I've got a degree in psych. It goes with the turf. Games are fun. -How did you feel when he died? I loved him. I hurt. -How did you feel when I told you Johnny Boz had died -- that day at the beach. I felt somebody had read my book and was playing a game. -I felt somebody had read my book and was playing a game. But you didn't hurt -- -But you didn't hurt -- No. -No. Because you didn't love him -- -Because you didn't love him -- That's right. -Even though you were fucking him. You still get the pleasure. Didn't you ever fuck anybody else while you were married, Nick? -Sure. Thanks. -I'm tired. It's got to be tiring to beat that machine. -If I were guilty, and if I wanted to beat that machine, it wouldn't be tiring. It wouldn't be tiring at all. Why not? -Why not? Because I'm a professional liar. I spend most of my waking hours dwelling on my lies. For my writing. -I passed. You see? We're both innocent, Nick. -How do you know all this stuff about me? You know all about me. -You know all about me. I don't know anything that isn't police business. -I don't know anything that isn't police business. You know I don't like to wear any underwear, don't you, Nick? -Am I... disturbing you? No. Come in. -Would you like a drink? I was just going to have one. No, thanks. -I'd like to ask you a few more questions. I'd like to ask you some, too. -You tell me. I don't know. But you do. -It was an accident. They got in the line of fire. Four shootings in five years. All accidents. -Four shootings in five years. All accidents. They were drug buys. I was a vice cop. -Tell me about Professor Goldstein. There's a name from the past. -There's a name from the past. You want a name from the present? How about Hazel Dobkins? -Noah was my counselor in my freshman year. That's probably where I got the idea for the icepick. For my book. Funny how the subconscious works. Hazel is my friend. She wiped out her whole family. -She wiped out her whole family. Yes. She's helped me understand homicidal impulse. -Yes. She's helped me understand homicidal impulse. Didn't you study it in school? -Didn't you study it in school? Only in theory. You know all about homicidal impulse, don't you, shooter? Not in theory -- in practice. -What happened, Nick? Did you get sucked into it? Did you like it too much? No. -I didn't. Yes, you did. They never tested you, did they? But Internal Affairs knew. -How exactly did you hear? I have attorneys. They have friends. I have friends. Money buys you a lot of attorneys and friends. -I have attorneys. They have friends. I have friends. Money buys you a lot of attorneys and friends. I don't know about that I don't have any money I don't have any attorneys Gus is my only real friend. -I don't know about that I don't have any money I don't have any attorneys Gus is my only real friend. I wasn't talking about real friends. Why doesn't Gus like me. -I wasn't talking about real friends. Why doesn't Gus like me. I like you. -I like you. Do you? -Do you? Yeah. Would you like to come up and have a drink? -You're not easy to figure. I'm just very good at figuring. Don't get too cocky. -Don't get too cocky. Why not? -Why not? You can make a mistake. -You can make a mistake. Not me. -Jack Daniel's okay? It's gonna have to be. Fine. -Fine. Ice? -Ice? Please. -What did you pay Nilsen? Isn't he the policeman that you shot, Shooter? -What if I asked you not to call me Shooter? What if I call you Nicky? -What if I call you Nicky? My wife used to call me that. -My wife used to call me that. I know, Nicky, but I like it. -Cheers. My friends call me Catherine. What did Bobby Vasquez used to call you? -What did Bobby Vasquez used to call you? Bitch mostly, but he meant it affectionately. You don't have any coke, do you? I love coke and Jack Daniel's. -Bitch mostly, but he meant it affectionately. You don't have any coke, do you? I love coke and Jack Daniel's. There's Pepsi in the fridge. -There's Pepsi in the fridge. It's not the same thing, is it? -"Say -- ""What do you want from me, Catherine?""" What do you want from me, Catherine? -Aren't you going to thank me? What's it about? -What's it about? A boy kills his parents. They have a plane. He makes it look like an accident. -Why does he do it? To see if he can get away with it. -When did you write it? You mean did I write it before my parents died? -You mean did I write it before my parents died? Yes. -Yes. No. I wrote it years afterwards. -You're not going to stop following me around now just because you're on leave -- are you? No. -No. Good. I'd miss you. You can get into trouble, though. You're not really a cop anymore. -Good. I'd miss you. You can get into trouble, though. You're not really a cop anymore. I'll risk it. -I'll risk it. Why take the risk? -Why take the risk? To see if I can get away with it. -How's your new book? I'm getting deeper and deeper into my character. -I'm leaving the house around midnight. In case you're going to follow me. I'm going down to Johnny's club. I'll meet you there. -Maybe she saw something she didn't see before. She's seen everything before. -Did you think it was so special? I told her it was the fuck of the century. -What did you think? I thought it was a pretty good beginning. -How about Roxy? Is she a fuck to the century, too? Do you want her to join us sometime? -How's your shoulder? Fine. How's your back? -Fine. How's your back? It hurts. -Are you kidding? You think this is my idea of morning-after conversation? Do you want personal insights and adolescent secrets? I don't do those. -I thought that business with the scarf was pretty nifty. I told you I had a vivid imagination. -You shouldn't play this game. I don't have a choice. -You're in over your head. I know. -I should have known. I came into the house when you were down on the beach. She looked at me so strangely. She left right after you. I shouldn't have let her watch us. She wanted to watch me all the time. She tried to kill you, didn't she? Did you like her to watch? -Did you like her to watch? Do you think I told her to kill You? -Do you think I told her to kill You? No. -No. Everybody that I care about dies. -It's OK. It's OK. Make love to me. -Do you think she killed Johnny Boz? For what... to set me up? She loved me she wouldn't frame me. -For what... to set me up? She loved me she wouldn't frame me. Maybe she got jealous of Johnny Boz, too. -Maybe she got jealous of Johnny Boz, too. No, she didn't... she never got jealous before... she got excited. I don't have luck with women. There was this girl I met while I was in college. I slept with her once. She started following me around, taking my picture. She dyed her hair, copied my clothes. Lisa something... Oberman. It was awful. -I thought you didn't do adolescent secrets. I never have before. -No. No? -No? No more games, Nick. I'm tired of playing games! -You won't believe me. Try me. -I paid him $50,000 in cash for your psychiatric file. When? -When? About three months before I met you. -About three months before I met you. Why? -I'd read about your shootings in the papers. I decided to write a book about a detective. I wanted to know my character. You paid $50,000 for your character? -You paid $50,000 for your character? I would've paid more. I wanted to know everything about you. Then you came down here after Johnny got killed... it gave me a chance to get to know my character better. -I would've paid more. I wanted to know everything about you. Then you came down here after Johnny got killed... it gave me a chance to get to know my character better. What about the other night. What about last night? Was that to get to know your character? -What about the other night. What about last night? Was that to get to know your character? Maybe I'm losing interest in my book. -Do you believe me? I don't know. -I don't know. I'll convince you. -What did he say? He asked if I had an icepick in me yet. -He asked if I had an icepick in me yet. Funny. -Can I talk to you a minute? Honey, why don't you go in the car? I'll be right there. -You like to hang out with murderers or what? Did you know Roxy -- Of course I knew. -I just thought I'd surprise you. What's the matter? I found Lisa Henderson. -I found Lisa Henderson. Did you? What's she doing? -You're not going to tell me what she's doing. I thought we weren't playing games anymore. I did, too. She told me it was backwards -- she said you even styled your hair the way she did. -You still think I kill people, don't you? No. -No. Liar. -How'd you get in here? I decided to give you one more chance. I missed you. -I decided to give you one more chance. I missed you. You didn't not see me long enough to miss me. -You didn't not see me long enough to miss me. Did you miss me? -Did you miss me? No. -No. Come over here and tell me no. -I have to do some research tomorrow. I'm very good at research. I'll help you. -I'm very good at research. I'll help you. No thanks. -No thanks. What are you researching? -What are you researching? I'm writing a book. -I'm writing a book. Really. What are you writing about. -Really. What are you writing about. A detective. He falls for the wrong girl. -A detective. He falls for the wrong girl. What happens to them? -What happens to them? They fuck like minks, raise rugrats, and live happily ever after. -They fuck like minks, raise rugrats, and live happily ever after. It won't sell. -It won't sell. Why not? -Why not? Somebody has to die. -Somebody has to die. Why? -Why? Somebody always does. -I finished my book. How did it end? -How did it end? I told you. She kills him. -What do you want, Nick? Flowers? I'll send you some flowers. What is this -- some kind of... Joke? Are we playing games again? -What is this -- some kind of... Joke? Are we playing games again? The games are over. You were right. It was the fuck of the century, Shooter. -What do we do now, Nick? We fuck like minks. We raise rugrats. We live happily ever after. -I hate rugrats. We fuck like minks. We forget the rugrats. We live happily ever after. -I'm John Corrigan. I'm an assistant district attorney, Ms. Tramell. Can we get you anything? Would you like some coffee? No thank you. -There is no smoking in this building, Ms. Tramell. What are you going to do? Charge me with smoking? -Would you tell us the nature of your relationship with Mr. Boz? I had sex with him for about a year and a half. I liked having sex with him. -Did you ever engage in sado- masochistic activity with him? Exactly what do you have in mind, Mr. Corrigan. -Exactly what do you have in mind, Mr. Corrigan. Did you ever tie him up? -Did you ever tie him up? No. -Did you kill Mr. Boz, Ms. Tramell? I'd have to be pretty stupid to write a book about a killing and then kill him the way I described in my book. I'd be announcing myself as the killer. I'm not stupid. -How did he die? He was murdered. -He was murdered. Really. Maybe that's why you're from Homicide. How? -I don't really feel like talking anymore. Listen, lady, we can do this downtown if you -- -Listen, lady, we can do this downtown if you -- Read me my rights and arrest me and I'll go downtown. -You have the right to an attorney. Why would I need an attorney? -You workin' on another book? Yes I am. -Yes I am. It must really be somehtin' --makin' stuff up all the time. -It teaches you to lie. How's that? -How's that? You make it up, but it has to be believable. They call it suspension of disbelief. -You make it up, but it has to be believable. They call it suspension of disbelief. "I like that. ""Suspension of Disbelief.""" -The answer is no. I didn't kill him. Do you use drugs, Ms. Tramell? -Do you use drugs, Ms. Tramell? Sometimes. -What kind of drugs? Cocaine. -In the beginning. Then I got to like what he did for me. That's pretty cold, ain't it, lady? -That's pretty cold, ain't it, lady? I'm a writer, I use people for what I write. You write what you know. Let the world beware. -He was walking home from work. They only lived a coupla blocks from the clinic. Somebody drove by and shot him. What was the weapon? -What was the weapon? .38 revolver. Never recovered. -.38 revolver. Never recovered. Were there ever any suspects? -Were there ever any suspects? No suspects, no motive. Unsolved. -No suspects, no motive. Unsolved. Was his wife ever a suspect? -Was his wife ever a suspect? I had another one of you guys down here from Frisco -- about a year ago -- he asked me the same question. What's this about anyway? -I had another one of you guys down here from Frisco -- about a year ago -- he asked me the same question. What's this about anyway? Routine. -Routine. Yeah, he said it was routine too. Now it's two guys saying it's routine. -Yeah, he said it was routine too. Now it's two guys saying it's routine. Do you remember his name? -Do you remember his name? Nope, can't say that I do. -Nope, can't say that I do. Nilsen? -Nilsen? That's him. -Was she ever a suspect? Nope. There was some talk; it never panned. -Nope. There was some talk; it never panned. What kind of talk? -What kind of talk? The usual -- a girlfriend. -The usual -- a girlfriend. He had a girlfriend? -He had a girlfriend? Nope. She did. Like I say. It never panned. -Nope. She did. Like I say. It never panned. Thanks. -Thanks. I hope I helped you out. -I hope I helped you out. You did. -Who was this fuckin' guy? Rock and roll, Gus. Johnny Boz. -Rock and roll, Gus. Johnny Boz. I never heard of him. -I never heard of him. Before your time, pop. Mid-sixties. Five or six hits. He's got a club down in the Fillmore now. -Before your time, pop. Mid-sixties. Five or six hits. He's got a club down in the Fillmore now. Not now he don't. -Talcott doesn't usually show up at the office 'till after his 18 holes. What are they nervous about? They're executives. They're nervous about everything. -Ain't that cute? They got his and her Pig-assos, son. I didn't know you knew who Picasso was, Gus. -I didn't know you knew who Picasso was, Gus. I'm a smart sonofabitch. I just hide it. -How'd it go, son? She misses me. -She misses me. Hallelujah. -What you doin', son? It's my first drink in three months. That okay with you, pop? She doesn't know me. I never saw her before Gus and I talked to her. -Ain't you go nothin' better to do than to come in here and jack off the damn machine? What are you doing here, Pop? -What are you doing here, Pop? I came in here to jack off the damn machine. One dead psychology professor. Noah Goldstein. Dr. Noah Goldstein. And guess what? He was her counselor. -Was she ever suspect? No, sir. They never even got a statement from her. -Do you remember a case -- 1956 -- Hazel Dobkins? Hell yes! Couldn't get it outta my head for years. Still can't. Nice little kids -- nice husband, wasn't porkin' around -- no financial problems. One day -- outta the clear blue sky -- she does 'em. All of 'em. Used a knife. He got for a wedding present. Didn't even deny it. Sweet as honey. Said she didn't know why she done it. -What's goin' down, son? Nothin' I'll be okay, pop. -No, sir. You won't. There's smoke off yonder on the horizon. They're gonna want your badge. I got tired of being played with. -I got tired of being played with. You sure got real conclusive ways of demonstrating that. -She knows where I live and breathe. She's coming after me. What is it you got between you? -What is it you got between you? I don't know. -I don't know. Somethin', though. -You think I -- I don't son, but I got the minority opinion. -I don't think it's funny. Well, hell, son, it's got a certain ring to it, I'll say that. -Forgive me for askin', son, and I don't mean to belabor the obvious, but why is it that you've got your head so far up your own ass? She want to play? Fine. I can play. -She want to play? Fine. I can play. Everybody that she plays with dies. -Everybody that she plays with dies. I know what that's like. -Easy there, partner -- I wasn't there. I went over last night, too. -I went over last night, too. I wasn't there last night, either. -You... fucked her! Goddamn dumb sonofabitch... You fucked her! Goddamn, you are one dumb sonofabitch -- I'm not gonna get AIDS, pop --don't worry about it. I always use a rubber. -I'm not gonna get AIDS, pop --don't worry about it. I always use a rubber. I don't give a... flyin'... chili- bean... fart about AIDS! -I don't give a... flyin'... chili- bean... fart about AIDS! You oughta use a rubber, pop. You really should. -You oughta use a rubber, pop. You really should. What in the hell for? You think I'm gettin' any at my age? I don't like blue-haired women. I don't like 'em. -What in the hell for? You think I'm gettin' any at my age? I don't like blue-haired women. I don't like 'em. You don't like punk rockers? -You don't like punk rockers? Say what? -You feeling better? I feel fine! -I'm not afraid of her. Why the hell not? -Why the hell not? I don't know. I'm just not. -I don't know. I'm just not. That's her pussy talkin' --He gets a real nasty look from a very fat woman eating a cheeseburger. He winks at her. The woman looks away from him, shaking her head. -It doesn't make sense. She didn't know me three months ago. Maybe it wasn't her that paid him. Maybe the money was for somethin' else. How the fuck do I know? I'm just an old city cowboy tryin' not to fall outta his saddle. -You all right, pop? You want me to drive you? In that little pissant car of yours? Hell, no. I ain't gettin' no back pain disability retirement -- I'm gettin' me a full pension and a real gold-plate Seiko watch. -In that little pissant car of yours? Hell, no. I ain't gettin' no back pain disability retirement -- I'm gettin' me a full pension and a real gold-plate Seiko watch. Come on, I'll drive you in this thing. -Come on, I'll drive you in this thing. You think I'd let you drive my Cadillac car? I ain't lettin' no hear-up-his-ass person drive my Cadillac car. -Catherine says you don't like her. She's right. You got an icepick in you yet? -You know that stuff they say about how you can judge people by their friends? I don't believe it. -I don't believe it. Why not? -Why not? You're my friend, Gus. -I don't understand what the hell's going on here, pop. Ain't that hard, son. This young farmgirl, she got tired of all that attention goin' to her little brothers -- she fixed 'em. Just like 'ole Hazel Dobkins fixed her whole family -- except young Roxy here, she didn't use a wedding present. She used Daddy's razor. -I'm not sure anymore she did it. Which one you talkin' about now, son? We know ole Hazel did it; we know young Roxy did it -- and the other one Well, hell, she's got that magna come lawdy pussy on her that done fried up your brain. -So Nilsen had a report on her -- so what. You don't know what the hell was in it? Catherine told me what was in it. -Catherine told me what was in it. If she's telling you the truth. -If she's telling you the truth. Don't you get it, Gus? If Beth killed Johnny Boz to frame Catherine -- she wouldn't want anyone to know what happened at Berkeley. It gives her the motive to kill Nilsen. -Don't you get it, Gus? If Beth killed Johnny Boz to frame Catherine -- she wouldn't want anyone to know what happened at Berkeley. It gives her the motive to kill Nilsen. How did she know Nilsen knew about it -- if it happened? -How did she know Nilsen knew about it -- if it happened? He was I.A. He probably asked her about it. -She'd have to be nuttier than a twenty-pound Christmas fruitcake. She's not the one who hangs out with multiple murderers -- your girlfriend is. She's a writer -- it's part of what she does. -She's a writer -- it's part of what she does. Goddamn writers -- all they do is use up trees and ruin people's eyes. There's gotta be somebody at Berkeley who knows what the hell happened. -Goddamn writers -- all they do is use up trees and ruin people's eyes. There's gotta be somebody at Berkeley who knows what the hell happened. I know what happened. Catherine told me what happened. -I know what happened. Catherine told me what happened. You got goddamn tweety-birds flutterin' around your head, that's what you got. You think you're gonna fuck like minks, raise rugrats, and live happily ever after? Oh, man. -Where the hell you goin'? I'm going with you. -I'm going with you. She said alone -- suite 405. It ain't gonna take long. -Maybe the maid did it. She's 54 years old and weighs 240 pounds. -Not unless she got up in the ring and turned into one mean sonofabitch. Maybe she did, Gus. Maybe she grew herself an Afro and learned a left hook and put shoe polish on her face. Let's polygraph her again and ask her about it. -Maybe it's for old-time's sake. Sometimes I think he started banging her just to get himself off the hook with Internal Affairs. -Sometimes I think he started banging her just to get himself off the hook with Internal Affairs. He ain't that way. He's got heart. -He ain't that way. He's got heart. Yeah. I know. -You look like dogshit. He looks a little shrunk, that's all. -You're already gettin' psychological input, son. Go stick your head in a tub of ice water. See where she leads. -Homicide. What do you want? -What do you want? When was the last time you saw John Boz? -When was the last time you saw John Boz? Is he dead? -Were you with him last night? You're looking for Catherine, not me. -What was the motive? She said she didn't know herself, just sort of did it on impulse. The razor just happened to be there. -He left the club with his girlfriend about midnight. That's the last time anybody saw him. What was it? -Keep your three o'clock. Do you want me to work the case, Phil, or do you want me to -- -Do you want me to work the case, Phil, or do you want me to -- I said keep it. -Are you kidding me? Formerly engaged to Roberto Vasquez, deceased -- -I love it. She's got a hundred million bucks. She fucks fighters and rock and roll stars. And she's got a degree in screwing with peoples' heads. You forgot her degree in literature. She's a writer. She published a novel last year under a pen name. Do you want to know what it's about? -So what do we do -- nothing? We bring her in for questioning. -"What is all this ""Nick"" stuff -- Nick would you like a cigarette. Nick can you give me a ride." She didn't ask me for the ride. She asked anybody. -She didn't ask me for the ride. She asked anybody. And you volunteered. -You sure? I'm sure. -Now what? What now what? Now nothing. She passed the polygraph. That's it. -What now what? Now nothing. She passed the polygraph. That's it. She knew she could beat it. That's why she asked to take it. -She knew she could beat it. That's why she asked to take it. How the fuck do you know? What is it with you and this broad anyway? -How the fuck do you know? What is it with you and this broad anyway? Come on, Phil. You're not gonna let this slide. What about her parents? What about what else she's published? At least we should get the stuff to see if we find anything else that's an amazing real-life coincidence. -Come on, Phil. You're not gonna let this slide. What about her parents? What about what else she's published? At least we should get the stuff to see if we find anything else that's an amazing real-life coincidence. Her parents died in an accident. I don't care what else she's written. What are you -- a book critic? -Her parents died in an accident. I don't care what else she's written. What are you -- a book critic? How did they die? Was there an investigation? -How did they die? Was there an investigation? How you're saying she killed her parents? Did she kill Bobby Vasquez, too? -Fuck you, Phil. Fuck you, too Nick. -Gus -- go over to Berkeley. Harrigan -- find out what else she's published. Andrews -- get the files on her parents' accident. Carbon Beth on everything. I want some psychological input on this Andrews and Harrigan go; Nick is left there with Gus. What about me? -I'll ask you once, Nick -- for the record did you kill him? No. -I.A.'s going to talk to you more about Nilsen. They're handling the investigation, we're not. Stay in touch with Dr. Gardner, it'll help on the evaluation. She killed him. -She killed him. Beth? Now you've got Beth killing people? -Beth? Now you've got Beth killing people? Catherine Tramell. It's part of her game. -Catherine Tramell. It's part of her game. First you've got her buying your file. Now you've got her killing Nilsen. Forget her, willya? Go someplace. Sit in the sun. Get away from this goddamn fog. Get her out of your system. -First you've got her buying your file. Now you've got her killing Nilsen. Forget her, willya? Go someplace. Sit in the sun. Get away from this goddamn fog. Get her out of your system. You don't but it, do you? She knew nobody would but it. She knew I'd say she did it. And she knew nobody would buy it. -Tell me again. I want to hear you say it again. It was an accident. -It was an accident. You're driving around North Beach for no particular reason and this car won't get out of the way -- -You're driving around North Beach for no particular reason and this car won't get out of the way -- I don't think she meant to go off the hill, do you? -I don't think she meant to go off the hill, do you? Don't fuck with me, Nick. I don't need a reason to put your ass in a sling. -You knew her, didn't you? Gus and I talked to her at Tramell's house. All we did was write her name down. -Gus and I talked to her at Tramell's house. All we did was write her name down. I told you to stay away from Tramell. -I told you to stay away from Tramell. Yeah. But you didn't tell me to stay away from her car. -She's a suspect. On what basis? -On what basis? Catherine Tramell. Age 30. No priors, no convictions. Double major, magnum cum laude, Berkeley, 1980. Literature and Psychology. Daughter, sole survivor -- Marvin and Elaine Tramell, killed in a boating accident, 1978, Catherine Tramell sole heir. Estimated assets $110 million. -She's got enough money to burn this whole department down. She was the last person seen with the guy -- I'll take the responsibility. -She was the last person seen with the guy -- I'll take the responsibility. It's yours. -We know you're not stupid, Ms. Tramell. Maybe that's what you're counting on to get you off the hook. -We're sorry to disturb you, we'd like to ask you some -- Are you vice? -Why do you think he's dead? You wouldn't be here otherwise, would you? -Who are you? I'm Roxy. I'm her -- friend. -How old was she when this happened? Fourteen. We seal juvenile records until they're deceased. That's why you didn't find it in your computer. -Anderson. Jack W. Donald M. I'm sorry. No Lisa. Did you check all four years? -Did you check all four years? Yes I did. -Yes I did. Can you check again? -No Lisa Anderson, detective. Can there be some mistake? -Can there be some mistake? Only if you're making it. -He died -- about five or six years ago. He was shot. -My name is Jean Michel Basquiat. Have you heard of me? No. Should I have? -No. Should I have? I'm a painter, too. -I'm a painter, too. Really. Huh. Too bad. -Hey – it's the big A.M.. Rene's been telling me about your work. -Is this finished yet? I don't know. -I don't know. When's your show? -When's your show? Not sure. How was yours? -Not sure. How was yours? I haven't decided yet. Rene, you wanna come over to the studio tomorrow. I wanna make a painting of you. -What do you think? I like the one with the dragon's heads a lot. But the black one's filled up with too many heads... I'd take some of them out. I think you're painting too fast. I wouldn't put in so many heads. Let it breathe a bit. -I like the one with the dragon's heads a lot. But the black one's filled up with too many heads... I'd take some of them out. I think you're painting too fast. I wouldn't put in so many heads. Let it breathe a bit. It's always how you would do it. This is my version. -It's always how you would do it. This is my version. You're right. It's your version. You should come over to the studio sometime. -You're right. It's your version. You should come over to the studio sometime. Why, so you could humiliate me? -Why, so you could humiliate me? No, I wanted to make a painting of you. -Naa.. Let's get out of here. -Let's get out of here. See ya in an hour. So what do you think? -This is painted on a backdrop from the Kabuki theater in Japan. I painted it after Joseph Beuys died. A rebirth painting. I felt like he could've painted it, or maybe someone else was painting it instead of me. The Chinese calligraphers used to change their name mid-career so they could start over as someone else.. Do you ever get sick of it? -Do you ever get sick of it? Of what? -Of what? The whole thing – painting. -The whole thing – painting. No. It's one of the few times I feel good. I used to have to go to work and cook every day. That I got sick of. -No. It's one of the few times I feel good. I used to have to go to work and cook every day. That I got sick of. What about the shit they write? -What about the shit they write? You're asking me this because of the 'lapdog' remark. I read that. The person that wrote that has the compassion of a housefly. That's your enemy, not your audience. Your audience hasn't even been born yet. It's a lie that art is popular. The only thing popular about it is that it's written about in newspapers. I'm surprised when anybody comes to my openings. There're about ten people on the planet who know anything about painting, and Andy's one of them. -You're asking me this because of the 'lapdog' remark. I read that. The person that wrote that has the compassion of a housefly. That's your enemy, not your audience. Your audience hasn't even been born yet. It's a lie that art is popular. The only thing popular about it is that it's written about in newspapers. I'm surprised when anybody comes to my openings. There're about ten people on the planet who know anything about painting, and Andy's one of them. I haven't felt like talking to him since that thing came out. -I haven't felt like talking to him since that thing came out. As long as I've known Andy, he's never asked me for anything except to speak to you about getting off drugs. He's painted my picture, we've eaten dinner in God knows how many places together. But he doesn't care about me. He cares about you. You're the only person he cares about. He's your friend. Fuck that article. You want a toasted bagel with cream cheese? -Nixon lives in Saddle River, New York. Saddle River's in New Jersey. -Saddle River's in New Jersey. Saddle River, New York! -Saddle River, New York! It's in New Jersey. -It's in New Jersey. New York. -New York. I think it's in New Jersey. -I think it's in New Jersey. It's in New York. -It's in New York. Oh, I didn't know that. -You wanna buy some ignorant art? Ten bucks. Ignorant art? -Ignorant art? Yeah... Like – stupid, ridiculous, crummy art. -Yeah... Like – stupid, ridiculous, crummy art. Ohhh. That's new. That sounds good. -Ohhh. That's new. That sounds good. Ten bucks apiece. -Ten bucks apiece. I can give you five. You didn't do very much to these. -I can give you five. You didn't do very much to these. You don't even work on your stuff! -Andy, man, thanks for coming. I'd like to paint your jacket. My jacket? Gee, great... Your show looks great. Quite a turnout. You look great. You kids. You drink red wine with fish. You can do anything! Make paintings in the basement of your gallery? First time I've heard of that! -Jean Michel, this is Mary Boone. She's got the great new gallery. Yeah, I met her already. -I wish they'd quit writing this shit about me. That's good. At least they're interested. -That's good. At least they're interested. "Everybody's paying top dollar for scraps of paper, refrigerator doors – anything with a SAMO tag on it. The other day, I just wanted a pack of cigarettes, so I did a drawing and sold it for two bucks. A week later this gallery calls me up: ""Somebody's offering us the drawing. Should we buy it for five thousand?""" -"Everybody's paying top dollar for scraps of paper, refrigerator doors – anything with a SAMO tag on it. The other day, I just wanted a pack of cigarettes, so I did a drawing and sold it for two bucks. A week later this gallery calls me up: ""Somebody's offering us the drawing. Should we buy it for five thousand?""" Wow... Stop giving them away. I got an invitation to model for Comme de Garcons... You wanna do it with me? -Wow... Stop giving them away. I got an invitation to model for Comme de Garcons... You wanna do it with me? Yeah – I'd do that... You could teach me. -Yeah – I'd do that... You could teach me. Gee. I don't need to. You're a natural. You should sign up with my modeling agent. -Cool. My dog, Archie... I woke up with flea bites... Creepy. I ran out and bought flea collars. They work really well. -Let's leave this town and go someplace. Some island. Let's go to the Carnegie Museum. They have the world's most famous sculptures all in these giant plaster replicas. It's really great. It's in Pittsburg. -Ouch.. What's wrong? -What's wrong? That girl looks just like my old girlfriend Gina. -That girl looks just like my old girlfriend Gina. Do you still love her? -Do you still love her? Yeah. I really blew it. I still think about her. -Yeah. I really blew it. I still think about her. Well, have you asked her to come back? -What's with the wigs? I'm going to send them to my friends for Christmas presents. -I'm going to send them to my friends for Christmas presents. You think those are good presents? Who wants an old wig? -Piss painting? I wanted to make a few more of these. Frank's been drinking this Mexican beer. It makes a good green. -I wanted to make a few more of these. Frank's been drinking this Mexican beer. It makes a good green. How come you're not peeing on them yourself? -How come you're not peeing on them yourself? I don't like beer. -That was my favorite part! We can do better. It needed more white. -"I don't even have any friends anymore besides you. And everyone says ""Warhol? That death-warmed over person on drugs? He's just using you.""" Gee. You shouldn't take it so seriously, Jean. That's why you can't stop taking drugs. You always think people don't like you. Everyone likes you. -Gee. You shouldn't take it so seriously, Jean. That's why you can't stop taking drugs. You always think people don't like you. Everyone likes you. People are only interested in you because you're famous, not because they know a fuckin' thing about your work. -Bruno called. In Europe, people are saying you're gonna die from drugs. They think they can cash in on your death. When I was poor, everybody doubted I could make it. When I got rich, everyone said, `yeah, but he'll never keep it up.' Now everyone says `he's killing himself.' So I clean up, and then they say `Look. His art's dead.' I don't take drugs, anyway. I'm healthy now. -After the show we should take a nice long vacation. Maybe go to Hawaii. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to give up painting and start playing music again. I wanna sing. That would be a pity because you're a real painter. -Who is it? Annina Nosei. -Annina Nosei. Who? -Is Jean Michel here? No. -These are great. Aren't they? -Aren't they? How much for these five? -How much for these five? You should talk to him about this. -I'm interested in showing Jean's work. I really think you should talk to him about this. -No. You haven't been by lately. -I'd love to see some more of your work... Where's your studio? You name it, I paint there. -You name it, I paint there. Well, I don't want to get mugged on a Bowery street corner. Maybe I could find a place for you to work. Take my card. -Well, I don't want to get mugged on a Bowery street corner. Maybe I could find a place for you to work. Take my card. You want a drink? -When? How about right now? -Tom and Cynthia Kruger. I know. -Jean, your parents are here. Hi Dad. Hi Nora. -It's great that people are interested, but if anyone's going to buy anything, I'll handle it for you. Everything goes through the gallery, even if they come to your studio. Sure. -Chill, man! Be cool! This isn't even my apartment! Oh man, you a FINE nigga! You know that? -Oh man, you a FINE nigga! You know that? Cut it out, man! And don't be callin' me that shit! -Who did this? Who did this? I don't know. I told you, this isn't my apartment. -Naaaa. Poor thing has a little dick. How do you know? -How do you know? Just look at him. Little silver thingies on his cowboy boots? Honey, I don't think so. -MOTHAFUCKAH! That's the same guy who did this painting. -That's the same guy who did this painting. I know that. Don't let him get away. -It doesn't matter how much you worked on them. It matters how much you can get for them. I can get ten. -You shouldn't have put it in the show. This is the one I absolutely have to have. I really love it. Sure, ok.. -Do you think I could borrow your limousine? I'll get it back to you in an hour. It's OK. Just have him bring you to dinner at Mr. Chow's later. We'll be there. -B.B. It's me – Jean! What's the matter? No snow in Switzerland this year? I didn't see you. -I didn't see you. What do you mean? -What do you mean? You haven't heard? Andy's dead. -I hear your show was sold out already. There's a very important collector who's interested in some of your works. Bring him over sometime. I have some other stuff to show him. -Jean Michel... Crawling from the wreckage? I need a dealer. -I need a dealer. You have a bunch of them, don't you? Albert Milo walks in from another room. -Bruno spoke to me already. We could talk about it. I'm here. -I'm here. OK. I'll be at your studio Thursday three o'clock. -What is it that gets you out of bed in the morning? I hate this. Turn that off. -... Can you... decipher this for us? Decipher? -Decipher? Yes. What do they... stand for? -Yes. What do they... stand for? They're just words. -They're just words. Yes, I understand – but where do you take them from? -Yes, I understand – but where do you take them from? Where? Do you ask Miles where he got that note from? Where do you take your words from? Everywhere. -Where? Do you ask Miles where he got that note from? Where do you take your words from? Everywhere. What are they? -What are they? Leeches. A long list of leeches. It looks good like that. -Leeches. A long list of leeches. It looks good like that. Hmmm. And 'Parasites.' You seem to be a Primal Expressionist. -Hmmm. And 'Parasites.' You seem to be a Primal Expressionist. You mean like an ape? -A primate? Well, you said that. You've got a lot of references from Leonardo da Vinci, don't you? -Well, you said that. You've got a lot of references from Leonardo da Vinci, don't you? "Oh, that's a ""Leonardo's Greatest Hits"" painting. You like it?" -"Oh, that's a ""Leonardo's Greatest Hits"" painting. You like it?" Yes, but as a black painter – -Yes, but as a black painter – I use a lot of colors – not only black. -I use a lot of colors – not only black. What? -What? I'm not black. -I'm not black. You're not? -You're not? Not what? -Not what? Not black. -Not black. No, I'm Haitian-Puerto Rican. -Yes, yes... Let's talk about that.... your roots... Your father is from Haiti, isn't he? Yup. -Yup. Hmmmm. Interesting. And when you grew up were there any primitives hanging in your home? -Hmmmm. Interesting. And when you grew up were there any primitives hanging in your home? We don't hang them at home, y'know – just in the streets.. -We don't hang them at home, y'know – just in the streets.. "I see.. And... How do you respond to being called – hmmm... – yes, ""the pickaninny of the art world.""" -"I see.. And... How do you respond to being called – hmmm... – yes, ""the pickaninny of the art world.""" Who said that? -Who said that? Why, that's from Time Magazine. -Why, that's from Time Magazine. No, he said I was the Eddie Murphy of the art world. He said the Eddie Murphy. -No, he said I was the Eddie Murphy of the art world. He said the Eddie Murphy. Is it true that your mother resides in a mental institution? -Or rather, do you think you're being exploited or are you yourself exploiting the white image of the black artist from the ghetto? Are those the only two possibilities? You wanna French fry? -Are those the only two possibilities? You wanna French fry? OK. One last thing. Is there any anger in you? Any anger in your work? -OK. One last thing. Is there any anger in you? Any anger in your work? Should there be? -Should there be? Tell me about it. What are you angry about? -Would you like to see the wine list? Chateau Latour '64, please. -I'm sorry, Mr. Basquiat. See that table over there? I'd like to pay their bill. -Yeah, just put their bill on my tab. Really? -Really? Yeah. -Yeah. Very well. -Paint it out. Out? -Out? Yeah... Maybe just his arms. Put some Cerulean Blue there. -It's Andy again. Still not here. -Still not here. – In this corner? -– In this corner? Yeah.. -You want me to put it here? Use your fucking instinct. -It's Maria Portos. What should we do? Why don't you try letting her in, Steve – I mean Shenge. -Why don't you try letting her in, Steve – I mean Shenge. Get up. She won't buy anything if she sees me working on it! -Get up. She won't buy anything if she sees me working on it! Wanna bet? If you show too much respect for people with money, they don't have respect for you. -Blue? Where? What's wrong with you today? -Hey – Willie Mays. Willie Mays. -Who's that? The Devil, man. Rene Ricard. Art critic – writes for Artforum. People read him. Tell him who you are.. -The Devil, man. Rene Ricard. Art critic – writes for Artforum. People read him. Tell him who you are.. Who am I? -Who am I? SAMO. -SAMO. Oh yeah.. -"""She loves me. Oh yeah she loves me! She loooooooves me, Oh yeah she loves me!"" Bring me some chicken, baby!" Would you shut the fuck up? You hear what I'm doing? -Would you shut the fuck up? You hear what I'm doing? "Yeah man. I'm jealous. You're always great, Benny. ""Her name is G-I-N-A Gina And she lo-oooves me."" I did say chicken!" -I knew I left these somewhere. One of these'll send your kids to college someday. Here – I made this for you. Thanks. Your dad called again – something about a job. -You got a date already? We're getting married. She said she could tell I was a great artist – she could see it in my eyes. She said she wanted to be by my side and have inter-racial babies with me. -Come on, Jean. Get rid of your cigarette. Concentrate. I am... On Gina. Fuck – I didn't think we were actually gonna do this. -I am... On Gina. Fuck – I didn't think we were actually gonna do this. Concentrate on the ball. Shoot. -You're shattering all my myths. About what? -About what? Your people. -Your people. Oh – you mean black people! -Whatever. Famous. To where you can do your stuff all day without thinking about anything else. Ummm... Four years. Six to get rich. -Famous people are usually pretty stupid. You're too smart. You'd get bored to death. You don't wanna be like John Henry – fighting the machine. Just do what you do. It's about integrity. Follow your heart. Who's John Henry? -Who's John Henry? "Oh man! Folklore guy – worked on the railroad. Y'know, pounding in spikes and laying down track. Then one day they invented a machine to do it. And he says ""Fuck that, I'm a MAN"" and he challenges the machine to a race to lay down a mile of track. It takes two days. Neck and neck the whole time. They get right to the end, and he beats it by one spike. Got a cigarette?" -"Oh man! Folklore guy – worked on the railroad. Y'know, pounding in spikes and laying down track. Then one day they invented a machine to do it. And he says ""Fuck that, I'm a MAN"" and he challenges the machine to a race to lay down a mile of track. It takes two days. Neck and neck the whole time. They get right to the end, and he beats it by one spike. Got a cigarette?" So then what? -So then what? He drops dead! See? Just do your shit like you do it! Your friends like you, you get laid, everyone walks by, sees your stuff everywhere. It's good. What else do you want? -What're you doing? You're doing something. He's the best painter in the world. I'm gonna give him one of these. -He's the best painter in the world. I'm gonna give him one of these. Don't give him anything, man. Your art's worth a lot. Trade. That's what real artists do with each other. Besides, he'll just use you. He's famous for that. -Check you later, man. Hi Gina. -Willie Mays!!! Willie Mays!!! Come on in! -We got beat. For real? -You gonna carry that around all night? Yeah... I'll paint on it. -What's the rush, John Henry? I ain't John Henry. -I ain't John Henry. Good. -Good. What's your fuckin' problem, anyway? -I don't really have any problems. Good. What do you have? -Good. What do you have? What's your fuckin' problem? You get a girlfriend and a little attention and then start acting all uppity with me. -What's your fuckin' problem? You get a girlfriend and a little attention and then start acting all uppity with me. 'Uppity?' Like as in 'uppity nigger?' -That's not how I meant it. For all you know, you might just be a flash in the pan! You can never tell. Hey fuck you! I deserve this shit. You're just jealous 'cause it ain't happening to you! -She's good. I guess it was a long time ago. -I guess it was a long time ago. Come on, let's get out of here. -Sit down! You're gonna fall out! Me fall? Let's get some drugs! -Me fall? Let's get some drugs! Drugs??! -Drugs??! Medicine, man! Like health food. I'm taking care of my health! -No, don't tell me – you just got fired by your crazy boss. I guess you did. -I guess you did. Guess I just got sick of him. -Guess I just got sick of him. Can I walk you home? -Can I walk you home? I think I could do that alone. -Have you been camping? You could use a scrub. I'm clean. Smell me. I always smell good. I don't know why, I just do! -You do! You definitely do. Just come to the Mudd Club on Friday. -Just come to the Mudd Club on Friday. I don't go there. Too many party girls. -I don't go there. Too many party girls. Party girls? Can I call you? -Party girls? Can I call you? Yeah, if you have any dimes left. 477- 0496. -I thought you hated this place? I do. I just said that. I was never here before. I actually like it. -Wanna go get some breakfast? A friend of mine offered me a job doing a little work installing a show in a gallery. He's an electrician. I was supposed to be there an hour ago. -Basquiat, those are my best clothes!!! What are you doing? C'mon, baby, I painted them for you. They're beautiful now. -C'mon, baby, I painted them for you. They're beautiful now. I'm going to my parents this weekend. What am I going to wear? How could you do that to me? -... I'll buy you some new ones. You don't have any fucking money.. -Do you know what he's saying? What who's saying? -What who's saying? Manzanita.... ... if one day I die, and you read this piece of paper, I want you to know how much I love you. Although I'll never see you again, Gypsy, Gypsy, your hair, your hair, your face, your face' -... What's the matter? Oh, God, Basquiat, you scared the shit out of me. How the fuck could you do that to yourself? -Oh, God, Basquiat, you scared the shit out of me. How the fuck could you do that to yourself? You're back. -You're back. It's Monday morning. -It's Monday morning. It's not Sunday? I missed you. You shouldn't leave me alone. -It's not Sunday? I missed you. You shouldn't leave me alone. You're blaming me? I had to go see my family. -You're blaming me? I had to go see my family. I'm your family. -I'm your family. Basquiat, what did you take? -Basquiat, don't lie. This is smack. You want some? -You look fucking beautiful, beautiful. Well thanks! -Which island of Hawaii do you want our house to be on? Maui? Kaui? Molokai? I hadn't thought about it. -I hadn't thought about it. Oahu, Lanai, Niihau, Kahoolawee – -Oahu, Lanai, Niihau, Kahoolawee – Staten Island would be ok. -It looks done. Think so? -... babies. You mean babies with you? -You mean babies with you? What's wrong with me? -What's wrong with me? You're your own baby. -Hi. Hi. -Hi. What's that? -What's that? A present I picked up for you. -So are you really friends with Andy? He seems like such a weirdo. He's not. He's out of town and he calls me every day. What's weird about him? -He's not. He's out of town and he calls me every day. What's weird about him? Don't you think he's using you? -Don't you think he's using you? Why does everybody say that? He's the only person I know who doesn't need to use me. -So. Are you ready? I start Columbia next fall. Of course, there's like, a year of pre-med stuff, but – whatever. I'm really excited. And: Rene gave me a job as his secretary. His poems are getting published. How is he? -How is he? Pretty much the same. -Wow. Congratulations. I hate that asshole. Thanks for coming. I guess I just wanted to find out how you're – What's that about? -What's that about? Forget it. -That is amazing. What year is it? George? -Baby, I think about you a lot. I'm really sorry about everything. You have to believe me. I'm serious. I wish, y'know, that we were – I don't believe it, Jean – they're picking straws. -You don't have to be sorry. There's no one to blame. Jean, you're a real artist. I thought I was one. You made me realize I wasn't. What's his name? -I'll take three big Macs, two chocolate shakes, two orders of fries, and an apple pie. You want three Big Macs, two chocolate shakes, two orders of fries, and an apple pie. -Forget it .I'll take six, no, seven chocolate shakes, an order of fries, a Big Mac, and two apple pies. You only want one Big Mac? -Is that the best quality you have? Yeah, it's the best one. -Yeah, it's the best one. I'll take the whole tin. -I'll take the whole tin. It's three thousand dollars! -It's three thousand dollars! I'll take it. Andy, gimme three thousand dollars. Just the caviar – I'll get the rest. -I really... admire you. Me? Why? -Me? Why? You did it! You made it. I'm a painter, too. -You did it! You made it. I'm a painter, too. That's great. -That's great. Would you check out my studio some time? -Would you check out my studio some time? Sure. I'd be glad to. -What's your name, man? They call me Steve, but I prefer Shenge. -They call me Steve, but I prefer Shenge. Nice to meet you, Shenge. Want a job? -Hi. Hi. -Hi. I've seen you before. I like your paintings a lot. Your hair was different. -I've seen you before. I like your paintings a lot. Your hair was different. You like your dad's paintings? -You like your dad's paintings? Some of them. -Some of them. Stand still. -See you later. Thanks -How can I ever thank you? I'd like to squeeze your titties. -Come on. Wanna Mac? -Wanna Mac? No, I'd like the scarf. -No, I'd like the scarf. Have a Mac. -Have a Mac. I don't eat junk food. -I don't eat junk food. Oh. I didn't know. I'll take you to the best restaurant in town. You'll miss a great meal and I'll keep the scarf, anyway. What's your name? -Oh. I didn't know. I'll take you to the best restaurant in town. You'll miss a great meal and I'll keep the scarf, anyway. What's your name? You're a fast mover. -You're a fast mover. No name? That's ok. I'll just call you Big Pink. -That's a beautiful name. French? Haitian. I'm going to kill myself. I'm taking pills. Reds, blues, greens. -What? Wait a minute... talk to me. Life doesn't... make... sense. This city's k-killing me. I want my liquid hijack Marlboros! -Life doesn't... make... sense. This city's k-killing me. I want my liquid hijack Marlboros! What? Life's beautiful. Depression isn't permanent. Don't you believe that? What is it – did your girlfriend leave you? -What? Life's beautiful. Depression isn't permanent. Don't you believe that? What is it – did your girlfriend leave you? No! I have a boyfriend. He loves me. -You see? You have someone to live for. No, I don't. I'm alone. We all are. Especially here. The world's unjust. The respect fools get. The disrespect I get. -No, I don't. I'm alone. We all are. Especially here. The world's unjust. The respect fools get. The disrespect I get. "What is it you want? Respect? I have respect for you, just for making this call. One philosopher said ""Sadness is a sin against the richness of the world."" Think about it. Feel it." -"What is it you want? Respect? I have respect for you, just for making this call. One philosopher said ""Sadness is a sin against the richness of the world."" Think about it. Feel it." You don't even know me. I want real respect. -What? What do you want? Fame. My liquid hijack Marlboros and the moon and the cow that jumped over it. -"You heard of Albert Milo. I made that niggah. I'm Rene Ricard. Didn't you read ""Not About Albert Milo?"" I know who to hype. Baby, I'm gonna make you a star." Can you put me in the ring with him? -Can you put me in the ring with him? I can put you in the ring with him. Even book the dates. But those big boys know how to fight. They could make you look real sissy. I was looking at that painting upstairs. It's the first time a picture made me embarrassed to own anything. So what's your real name? 'Samo?' -I can put you in the ring with him. Even book the dates. But those big boys know how to fight. They could make you look real sissy. I was looking at that painting upstairs. It's the first time a picture made me embarrassed to own anything. So what's your real name? 'Samo?' Jean Michel Basquiat. -Uh huhh... Band practice? It's Benny. He wants to know why you're not at band practice...? Fuck... I forgot about that. -Fuck band practice... If you're gonna be a painter you're gonna have to break a few hearts – you don't wanna be like Tony Bennett.. Tony Bennett... What do you mean? -Tony Bennett... What do you mean? Singing on stage and painting in your spare time. -Singing on stage and painting in your spare time. I didn't know Tony Bennett painted. -I didn't know Tony Bennett painted. My point exactly. -So keep painting. Yes, Boss. If you're so smart, why are you here with me in this basement? -Yes, Boss. If you're so smart, why are you here with me in this basement? You're news. I want the scoop. I write it down. When I speak, no one believes me. But when I write it down, people know it's true. There's never been a black painter in art history that's been considered really important, you know? -You're news. I want the scoop. I write it down. When I speak, no one believes me. But when I write it down, people know it's true. There's never been a black painter in art history that's been considered really important, you know? So what? -So what? So shut up and keep painting.. -So shut up and keep painting.. What time is it? -What time is it? 5:11. -That one's for you. Thanks... I'll take it tonight. -Thanks... I'll take it tonight. I can't. After the show. -You fucking little whore! You sold my painting! I'm gonna tell you something, brother – when you're climbing up the ladder of success, don't kick out the rungs! Believe that shit. I'll make you another one. -I'll make you another one. Forget it. -Hey, Rene. Thanks again for not inviting me. I'm only here on business. -Jean, could you get me a Phillips screwdriver? A what? -A what? A Phillips head. From the toolbox. -A Phillips head. From the toolbox. Yeah. -'Phillips head,' right? Yeah. -You don't have any!!! That's impossible. I've got, like, five of 'em! -Jean? Hold this, please. You'll get there. But it's good to have something to fall back on. That's why I became an electrician. It pays the rent. Y'know, I'm an artist, too. I didn't know. -I didn't know. I sculpt. I'm really just starting to find myself. How old are you? Twenty? You're just like I used to be. I'm forty-one. And I'm glad I haven't gotten any recognition. It gave me time to develop. -OK! Goodbye! Pipe down, Lech. Let him order. -Pipe down, Lech. Let him order. You nuts? Let him order? You on his side? You're not such a good waitress. You get out, too. -You nuts? Let him order? You on his side? You're not such a good waitress. You get out, too. I just don't think you're being fair. -I just don't think you're being fair. I need this? -I need this? I need this? -YO! Jean, this is Ramellzee. Yo... You know why Rammellzee's here, don't you? -Yo... You know why Rammellzee's here, don't you? Uh-oh! -Uh-oh! I'm here for an interrogation. You've been called a graffiti artist and I wanna know why. All I see are scribble scrabble abstractions! -Man, I was up on him years ago on the IRT. You're selling and ending the culture. Not one bit of information. Only to get the money and growl with the power, man. -You're selling and ending the culture. Not one bit of information. Only to get the money and growl with the power, man. That's ignorant. -Mr. Wayne ... Something wrong? No, nothing, ah ... His parents ... I ... I hope he finds them. -It's cold. It's vichyssoise, sir. -It's vichyssoise, sir. Vichyssoise. Supposed to be cold, right? -I suppose you feel better now, sir. No, actually I feel worse. -Sorry, Alfred, I have to get to the Plaza. You heard Penguin, he was practically begging me to show. Which is why I hoped you'd snub him. -Which is why I hoped you'd snub him. "'Fraid I can't. There's been a kidnapping ... Tell Selina ... Ms. Kyle ... that some business came up -- no, tell her some major deal fell through, she'll feel sorry ... No, no, here's what to do, just tell her ... let her know that I ... not in a dumb ""Be my girlfriend way,"" but --" -"'Fraid I can't. There's been a kidnapping ... Tell Selina ... Ms. Kyle ... that some business came up -- no, tell her some major deal fell through, she'll feel sorry ... No, no, here's what to do, just tell her ... let her know that I ... not in a dumb ""Be my girlfriend way,"" but --" I will relay the message. -I will relay the message. Alright, thanks. -Selina ... more facets than Vicki, huh? Funny, but sort of mysterious... """Affair"" ... yes, maybe ... if she ..." -"""Affair"" ... yes, maybe ... if she ..." I think I'll take the stairs. -Mr. Wayne ... a reminder: Tonight is that loathsome party, hosted by that odious Mr. Shreck. May we RSVP in the resoundingly negative? I'm tempted, but ... well ... it is an occasion for celebration, and ... umm ... Selina will probably be there ... -I'm tempted, but ... well ... it is an occasion for celebration, and ... umm ... Selina will probably be there ... "Ah. ""Who"", may I ask, are you going ""as""?" -"Ah. ""Who"", may I ask, are you going ""as""?" You'll never guess. -I guess this mean we won. Yes, I suppose that we did. -Well ... Come what may... Merry Christmas, Mr. Wayne. "Right. Sure. And ""Peace on earth, good will toward men.""" -Where's the fire? """Shreck's."" You --" -How could you? I'm a woman... I'm -- sorry, I -- -As I was saying: I'm a woman, and can't be taken for granted. Are you listening, you Batman you? Hanging on every word. -Hanging on every word. Good joke. Wanna hear another one? -"A ""he-man""? Sure. They shine that beacon in the sky, then wonder what hole I crawl out of." "Wow, a real response and you're not even trying to get into my tights. But explain me ... If you're so down on ""them"" out there, why bust your bat-buns to protect 'em?" -"Wow, a real response and you're not even trying to get into my tights. But explain me ... If you're so down on ""them"" out there, why bust your bat-buns to protect 'em?" I just can't sleep at night. Exploding department stores keep me up. One ... -I can't sleep either, lately. A little link, between us. But bottom line baby, you live to preserve the peace, and I'm dying to disturb it. That could put a strain on our relationship. ...four, five. -Hey stud: I thought we had something together. We do. -A kiss under the misteltoe. Mistletoe can be deadly, if you eat it ... But a kiss can be even deadlier, if you mean it. -You're the second man who killed me this week. But hey, no prob ... I've got seven lives left. I tried to grab you -- save you -- -I tried to grab you -- save you -- Seems like every woman you try to save ends up dead, or deeply resentful. -First you're gonna shut up. Then you're gonna turn yourself in. Don't be naive. The law doesn't apply to people like him! Or us -- -Don't be naive. The law doesn't apply to people like him! Or us -- Wrong on both counts. -Admiring your handiwork? Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff. -Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff. You're not the Mayor. -You're not the Mayor. Things change. Hey, good to meet you. We'll be working hand in glove in Gotham's glorious future. -Once you were their freak, now these clowns do your bidding. Must feel pretty good. Better than you know, Bat-boy. -Better than you know, Bat-boy. What're you really after? -What're you really after? Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask. But you don't really think you'll ever win, playing it your way ..? -Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask. But you don't really think you'll ever win, playing it your way ..? Things change. -I think you're jealous that I'm a genuine freak, and you have to wear a mask! Maybe you're right. -We've met. Have we? -Sorry. I mistook me for somebody else. You mean mistook me? -You mean mistook me? Didn't I say that? -Didn't I say that? Yes and no ... -You don't seem like the type who does business with Mr. Shreck. No. And you don't seem like the type who takes orders from him. -No. And you don't seem like the type who takes orders from him. Well that's a ... long story ... -Well that's a ... long story ... Well, I could ... free up some time... -Well, I could ... free up some time... I'm listed. -I'm listed. I'm tempted. -Pouring myself into my work. I, ah ... didn't catch your last name. -I, ah ... didn't catch your last name. "Oh. ""Kyle.""" -Selina. Hi. Didn't mean to -- Scare me? No, actually, I was just scaring myself ... -Scare me? No, actually, I was just scaring myself ... I don't see how ... Anyway, it's a treat to find you out in the world, away from Ebeneezer Shreck. -I don't see how ... Anyway, it's a treat to find you out in the world, away from Ebeneezer Shreck. Treat to be here. -The news these days ... weird. People looking to superheroes for their peace of mind, and blaming their problems on super-villains ... instead of themselves, or their spouses at least. "And it's not even accurate ... I mean, ""Batman Blows It""? The guy probably prevented millions in property damage." -"And it's not even accurate ... I mean, ""Batman Blows It""? The guy probably prevented millions in property damage." "I heard on TV, ""Catwoman is thought to weigh 140 pounds."" How do these hacks sleep at night?" -"You're not coming to that, are you? ""The Relighting of the Tree"" thing?" I wouldn't be caught dead. No, it's probably how I would be caught. The Mayor stupidly took Cobblepot's bait -- -I wouldn't be caught dead. No, it's probably how I would be caught. The Mayor stupidly took Cobblepot's bait -- -- and it's gonna be a hot time in the cold town tonight. -You almost sound enthusiastic. I detest violence, but ... Christmas complacency can be a downer, too. -I detest violence, but ... Christmas complacency can be a downer, too. You've got a dark side, Selina Kyle. -You've got a dark side, Selina Kyle. No darker than yours, Bruce. -No darker than yours, Bruce. Well, I'm... braver at night, if that's what you mean... -Well, I'm... braver at night, if that's what you mean... Yeah? Me too... -... Maybe I'll watch it on TV. """We""? You and..." -"""We""? You and..." ... and me. No, that's be me and me. Is that what I said? -... and me. No, that's be me and me. Is that what I said? Yes and no... -I'm sure he's wonderful company and all, but ... doesn't the gold- plated bachelor bit get a little ... stale? Somewhat like the lonesome secretary syndrome, I'd suppose. -Somewhat like the lonesome secretary syndrome, I'd suppose. Executive Assistant. Secretary. Girlfriend? -Executive Assistant. Secretary. Girlfriend? Had one. Didn't work. -Had one. Didn't work. What went wrong? Hang on, I think I know ... You kept things from her. -What went wrong? Hang on, I think I know ... You kept things from her. Nope, I told her everything. -Nope, I told her everything. And the truth frightened her? -And the truth frightened her? Well ... How can I put this. There were two truths ... and she had trouble reconciling them. Because I had trouble reconciling them. Vicki said. -Well ... How can I put this. There were two truths ... and she had trouble reconciling them. Because I had trouble reconciling them. Vicki said. """Vicki."" Ice-skater, or stewardess?" -"""Vicki."" Ice-skater, or stewardess?" Photojournalist. -Photojournalist. Sure. -"Well? Was ""Vicki"" right? About your difficulty with duality?" If I said yes, then you might think me a Norman Bates, or a Ted Bundy type ... and then you might not let me kiss you. -"It's the so-called ""normal"" guys who always let you down. Sickos never scare me. At least they're commited." Ah ... then you've come to the right lonely mansion. -I, ah ... never fool around on the first date. Nor I, on the second. -Nor I, on the second. What're you doing three dates from now? -Sorry about yesterday ... Some big deal came together, no, fell through, and -- 'S'okay, I had to go home, feed my cat. -'S'okay, I had to go home, feed my cat. No hard feelings? -There's a big, comfy California King over in Bedding. What say we ... Y'mean take off our costumes? -Y'mean take off our costumes? Guess I'm sick of wearing masks ... -Guess I'm sick of wearing masks ... Same here. So why'd you come tonight? -Same here. So why'd you come tonight? You first. -Now don't give me a killing-Max- won't-solve-anything speech, because it will. Aren't you tired of this sanctimonious robber baron always coming out on top? When he should be six feet under? Jesus, Selina, you're not the judge or the jury... I mean, just who do you think you are? -Jesus, Selina, you're not the judge or the jury... I mean, just who do you think you are? I don't know anymore, Bruce ... -A kiss under the mistletoe. Mistletoe can be deadly, if you eat it ... But a kiss can be even deadlier, if you mean ... it. -... What do we do? I don't know. Till we figure it out, let's ... let's keep dancing. -Hmm. Primitive ventilation. Damn those Carny bolsheviks the other night, throwing bricks at my windows -- -Damn those Carny bolsheviks the other night, throwing bricks at my windows -- No. No glass on the inside. -No. No glass on the inside. Weird, huh? -I'd offer you coffee, but my assistant is using her vacation time. Good time, too. Everyone but the bandits seem to be slacking off till after New Years'. -If my life has had any meaning, that's the meaning. Max, I'm gonna fight you on this. The Mayor and I have already spoken and we see eye to eye here. So -- -Max, I'm gonna fight you on this. The Mayor and I have already spoken and we see eye to eye here. So -- Mayors come and go. And heirs tire easily. Really think a flyweight like you could last fifteen rounds with Muhammed Shreck. -Mayors come and go. And heirs tire easily. Really think a flyweight like you could last fifteen rounds with Muhammed Shreck. I'm not scared of you, Max. -"Not compared to that ""Cobblepot"" person you're promoting..." Scared of Oswald, are you? Why, if his parents hadn't eighty- sixed him you two might've been roomies, at prep school! -Scared of Oswald, are you? Why, if his parents hadn't eighty- sixed him you two might've been roomies, at prep school! """Oswald"" is linked to the Red Triangle Gang. I can't prove it but we both know it's true." -"""Oswald"" is linked to the Red Triangle Gang. I can't prove it but we both know it's true." Wayne, I'll not stand for mud- slinging in this office. If my assistant were here, she'd already have escorted you out, to -- -What happened? Yes, did -- did you injure yourself on that ski slope? Is that why you cut short your vacation and came back? -Ingenious costume. Let me guess ... Trust-fund goody-goody? Course you're feeling fine ... You almost made a monster the Mayor of Gotham City. -Course you're feeling fine ... You almost made a monster the Mayor of Gotham City. "I am the light of this city. And I am its mean, twisted soul. Does it really matter who's the ""mayor""?" -"I am the light of this city. And I am its mean, twisted soul. Does it really matter who's the ""mayor""?" It does to me. -It does to me. Yawn. -I don't know what you want, but I know I can get it for you with a minimum of fuss. Money, jewels, a very big ball of string... Your blood, Max. -Your blood, Max. My blood? I ... I gave at the office. -My blood? I ... I gave at the office. A half-pint. I'm talking gallons. -Let's make a deal. Other than my blood, what can I off-- Sorry, Max. A die for a die. -Sorry, Max. A die for a die. Either you've caught a cold, or you're planning to kill me. -Selina! Selina Kyle!? You're fired! And Bruce -- Bruce Wayne! Why are you dressed up as Batman? He is Batman, you moron. -He is Batman, you moron. Was. -You killed me, Batman killed me, Penguin killed me. Three lives down. Got enough bullets to finish me off? One way to find out? -I'll warm ya! I got hot mitts --! Down, Oswald. We have to talk. You see we've got something in common. -Down, Oswald. We have to talk. You see we've got something in common. Appetite for destruction? Contempt for the czars of fashion? Wait don't tell me ... Naked sexual charisma? -Appetite for destruction? Contempt for the czars of fashion? Wait don't tell me ... Naked sexual charisma? Batman. The thorn in both our sides, the fly in our ointment. -Batman. The thorn in both our sides, the fly in our ointment. Huh? You're implying I'm some kinda psycho criminal? -Are you perchance a registered voter? I'm also a mayoral prospect. I have but one pet cause, today: Ban The Bat. -I have but one pet cause, today: Ban The Bat. Oh, him again. He's already history -- check it out. -We're gonna disassemble his spiffy old Batmobile, then reassemble it as an H-bomb on wheels. Capiche? Yesterday's victor is tomorrow's vapor. He'd have more power as a martyr. No, to destroy Batman we must first turn him into what he hates most. Meaning, us. -Y'mean frame him? You're quick. Mayor Cobblepot. -Thanks. Jeez. Not used to this man-woman, cat-mouse business. Generally the babes flock to me, I tell 'em take a number. You're off the hook, Ozzie. But Batman is decidedly not. -He napalmed my arm. He knocked me off a building just when I was starting to feel good about myself. I want to play an integral part in his degradation. Well, a plan is forming ... A vicious one, involving the loss of innocent life ... -Well, a plan is forming ... A vicious one, involving the loss of innocent life ... I want in. The thought of busting Batman makes me feel all ... dirty. Maybe I'll give myself a bath right here ... -Let's consummate our fiendish union! I wouldn't touch you to scratch you. -I wouldn't touch you to scratch you. I oughta have you spayed! You sent out all the signals! -I oughta have you spayed! You sent out all the signals! Did I? Only 'cause my mom trained me to, with a man... any man, all men -- Corn dog! -Me, domesticated? By you? I doubt it! You repulsive... awful... penguin. The name is Oswald Cobblepot. -Son! Dad! Save yourself! -I ... it was terrible, I leaned over, and accidentally knocked her, out -- She jumped. She'd been depressed. -She jumped. She'd been depressed. Yes. Yes. Boyfriend trouble ..? -Yes. Yes. Boyfriend trouble ..? PMS. -"You buy this ""blurry"" business?" Women... nothing surprises me, Chip. Excepting your late mother... Who even knew Selina had a brain to damage? Bottom line: she tries to blackmail us, we drop her out a higher window. Meanwhile I got badder fish to fry. Yeah -- Oswald, please. -Ten, nine... The Christmas Eve of Destruction -- ! -The Christmas Eve of Destruction -- ! ... eight, seven... -... eight, seven... Silent night, violent night... -Silent night, violent night... All is shrill, all is blight... -Well, um... funny thing, your penguins... they're not responding to the launch command. Fact they're kind of turned around now... Like someone jammed our signal... But who could've ... no, don't say it. -But who could've ... no, don't say it. My lips are sealed. -Actually this is all just a bad dream. You're home in bed. Heavily sedated, resting comfortably, and dying from the carcinogens you've personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony or poetic justice? You tell me. My god ... it's true. The Penguin- Man of the sewers ... Please, don't h-- -My god ... it's true. The Penguin- Man of the sewers ... Please, don't h-- Quiet, Max. What do you think, this is a conversation? -"What, is that supposed to ""hypnotize"" me?" No, just give you a splitting headache. -No, just give you a splitting headache. Well it's not working. -"Most of all, I want to find out who I am. By finding my parents. Learning my ""human"" name. Simple stuff that the good people of Gotham take for granted." And exactly why am I gonna help you? -Yawn. That coulda come from anywhere. What about the documents that prove you own half the firetraps in Gotham? -What about the documents that prove you own half the firetraps in Gotham? If there were such documents -- and that is not an admission -- I would have seen to it they were shredded. -A lot of tape and a little patience make all the difference. By the way, how's Fred Adkins, your old partner? Fred. Fred? He's ... actually he's been on an extended vacation, and -- -You know what, Mr. ... Penguin-Sir? I think perhaps I could help orchestrate a little welcome-home scenario for you. And once we're both back home, perhaps we can help each other out ... You won't regret this, Mr. Shreck. -Don't look, Oswald. It's a surprise. A big bag of fan mail? Filthy lucre? Wait don't tell me ... Is it a broad? -Bu ... wh ... I ... I mean ... Yes, adulation is a cross to bear. God knows I know. But someone's got to supplant our standing-in- the-way-of-progress Mayor and don't deny it, Mr. Cobblepot, you've got the magic! -Yes, adulation is a cross to bear. God knows I know. But someone's got to supplant our standing-in- the-way-of-progress Mayor and don't deny it, Mr. Cobblepot, you've got the magic! Max, elections happen in November. Is this not late December, or have I inhaled too much swamp gas in my time? -Wonder if it's worth my time. We need signatures. To overturn the ballot. I can supply those, Oswald. -We need signatures. To overturn the ballot. I can supply those, Oswald. "I could teach her my ""French flipper"" trick..." -"I could teach her my ""French flipper"" trick..." Oswald: We need one more thing. -Oswald: We need one more thing. A platform? Lemme see ... Stop global warming. Start global cooling. Make the world a colder place. Frigid ... -A platform? Lemme see ... Stop global warming. Start global cooling. Make the world a colder place. Frigid ... That's fine, Oswald. But to get the Mayor recalled, we still need a catalyst, a trigger, an incident. Like the Reichstag fire, the Gulf of Tonkin. -That's fine, Oswald. But to get the Mayor recalled, we still need a catalyst, a trigger, an incident. Like the Reichstag fire, the Gulf of Tonkin. """You're doin' great, Mayor Cobblepot."" ""Your table is ready, Mayor Cobblepot."" ""I need you, Oswald. I need you now. That's the biggest parasol I ever --""" -Precisely. But they must come and go via the plumbing ducts that I've provided. That shall be as sacred as the separation between church and state. ... Want 'em to go apeshit. Nutso. Ballistic ... Do permanent damage to little old ladies. Loot, pillage, annoy people in a big way ... Sounds fun. But I ... -I got my own ... quest to pursue up here. It's crucial I not get sidetracked, with some silly ... Sidetracked? Oswald, this is your chance to fulfill a destiny that your parents carelessly discarded ... -Sidetracked? Oswald, this is your chance to fulfill a destiny that your parents carelessly discarded ... Reclaim my birthright, y'mean? -Reclaim my birthright, y'mean? Imagine: You'll have the ear of the media. Access to captains of industry. Unlimited poon- tang ... -He didn't even lose a limb, an eyeball ... bladder control .. Point is, listen to them. They've lost faith in old symbols. They're ready to bond with you, the icon of the future. If it works, don't fix it... -Max! Relax! Josh and Jen'll put a spin on this. We'll talk it over tonight, at your costume par-- I think you'd feel out of place at my party. You see, it's for winners. -You're coming with me, you Great White Dope! To die, way down in the sewer! Not Chip! Please! Penguin ... If you have one iota of human feeling, you'll take me instead. -Not Chip! Please! Penguin ... If you have one iota of human feeling, you'll take me instead. I don't. So, no. -I don't. So, no. I'm the one you want! Penguin, please! Ask yourself: Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you? Isn't it Max, not Chip, whom you want to see immersed up to his eyeballs in raw sewage? -I'm the one you want! Penguin, please! Ask yourself: Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you? Isn't it Max, not Chip, whom you want to see immersed up to his eyeballs in raw sewage? Okay, you have a point. Plus, the hysterics are getting on my nerves. -Working late? I'm touched. No, I am. Yes, I'm boning up for your Bruce Wayne meeting in the morning. I pulled all the files on the proposed power plant, and Mr. Wayne's hoped-for investment... I've studied up on all of it ... I even opened the protected files and -- -Why, how industrious. And how did you open protected files, may I ask? "Well I figured that your password was ""Finster."" Your Pomeranian. And it was. And it's all very interesting, though a bit on the technical side, I mean about how the power plant is a power plant in name only since in fact it's gonna be one big giant..." -Big giant capacitor. And that, instead of generating power it'll sort of be -- -- sucking power, from Gotham City, and storing it ... stockpiling it, sort of? Which, unless I'm being dense, is a novel approach, I'd say. And who ... would you say this to? -... Where did curiosity get the cat? I'm no cat. I'm just an assistant. A secretary -- -I'm no cat. I'm just an assistant. A secretary -- And a very, very good one. -And a very, very good one. Too good? -It's our secret. Honest. How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless? I must protect my interests, Ms. Kyle. And Interest Number One, is moi. -Okay, go ahead. Intimidate me, bully me if it makes you feel big. I mean, it's not like you can just kill me. Actually, it's a lot like that. -Selina?! Selina ... Selina ... That's my name, Maximillions. Don't wear it out, babe, or I'll make you buy me a new one. -That's my name, Maximillions. Don't wear it out, babe, or I'll make you buy me a new one. Uh, Selina, this is, uh, Bruce Wayne. -Morning, Max. Bummer about the store. You insured? I damn well better be. In fact I want you to phone those goniffs over at Gotham Insurance and tell them -- -I damn well better be. In fact I want you to phone those goniffs over at Gotham Insurance and tell them -- "Actually I have to split. Take a ""personal day."" You don't mind? Max, you're tops." -How long has it been, Uncle Alfred? Ten years. Barbara isn't really me niece, sir. She's Joanna Clark's daughter. -Joanna and I were in love in London. But when I realized our age difference was too extreme - Uncle Alfred left for America. Much to my mother's dismay - -Uncle Alfred left for America. Much to my mother's dismay - Eventually she married a young physician. -You certainly will not. Oh no, those things frighten me. -I'm sorry, Uncle, I came to tuck you in. And... You came to tuck me in. That's quite a switch. I am looking for my brother, Wilfred. He is first butler to the Maharajah of Mirajanpore. But Mirajanpore is a floating court, it travels across India, so Wilfred can be rather difficult to find. -I guess they don't have fax machines on elephants. I have been trying to reach Wilfred with no success. As one grows older, one yearns for family. -I have been trying to reach Wilfred with no success. As one grows older, one yearns for family. It's good to see you again, Uncle. I've missed you. -It's good to see you again, Uncle. I've missed you. As I've missed you. Sleep well, child. -I'm sorry. I was too late. Too late for what, dear child? -Too late for what, dear child? I came to give you your freedom, a chance to live the life you choose. The same gift you gave me. -I came to give you your freedom, a chance to live the life you choose. The same gift you gave me. I have been part of the greatest adventure ever know. I have found purpose here, and the family I could never have. -Find my brother Wilfred. Give him This. I have duties he must fulfill in my stead. Only family can be trusted. What is it? -What is it? It is the hearts of two good men whom I have had the honor of calling son. Take it, child. But I implore you, never open it. You look so like your mother. -Uncle Alfred? In spirit only, I'm afraid. -In spirit only, I'm afraid. The boys need help. -He's over-eager, impulsive. I can't trust him not to get hurt. Perhaps the truth is you don't really trust anyone. -Perhaps the truth is you don't really trust anyone. Don't tell me you're on his side. Again. -Don't tell me you're on his side. Again. Despite all your talents, you are still a novice in the ways of family. Dick follows the same ends as you but gets there by his own course. You must learn to trust him. For that is the nature of family. -I must have dozed off. My sincerest apologies, sir. No apology necessary. That's the first time in thirty years. -You have? Secrets are a virtual prerequisite in this house, don't you think? -Well, I hope you'll stay with us. There's a lovely inn just down -- -Oh, but, sir. So much goes on- Don't be silly, Alfred. After all, she's family. -Congratulations on your apprehension of Mr. Freeze. Batman monopolized the evening news. Thanks. -Is there something wrong, sir? Alfred, am I pigheaded? Is it always my way or the highway? -Alfred, am I pigheaded? Is it always my way or the highway? Why, yes, actually. Death and chance stole your parents. But rather than become a victim, you have done everything in your power to control the fates. For what is Batman if not an effort to master the chaos that sweeps our world, an attempt to control death itself. -But I can't can I? No, my boy. I'm afraid none of us can. -I am as well as can be expected. Alfred, I know you're sick -- I can get you the best doctors. -Alfred, I know you're sick -- I can get you the best doctors. I've seen the best doctors--! A gentleman does not discuss his health. It's not civilized. I hope I've taught you at least that much, young man. -Have you ever regretted your life working here, Alfred? Attending to heroes? No sir. My Only regret is that I was never able to be out there with you. -Attending to heroes? No sir. My Only regret is that I was never able to be out there with you. Not all heroes wear masks. -Alfred, if I've never told you...I just want to say... Yes? -I've spent my whole life trying to beat back death. What good are all my heroics now if I can't save you? Everyone dies, Master Bruce. There's no defeat in that. Victory comes in fighting for what we know is right while we still live. -I love you, old man. Remember this. And remember it always. I'm proud of you. And I love you too, son. -Alfred, old friend, I could use your help right now. Right here, sir. -It's good to see you. What seems to be the problem? -What seems to be the problem? Women. -Women. That, sir, does not compute. -That, sir, does not compute. First Ivy had an intoxicating effect on both Dick and me. Tonight my feelings spread to someone else. -First Ivy had an intoxicating effect on both Dick and me. Tonight my feelings spread to someone else. Specify, please. -Specify, please. Pamela Isley. I was so attracted to her I couldn't reason clearly. I still can't. She used to work for Wayne Enterprises. Find a file. -Pamela Isley. I was so attracted to her I couldn't reason clearly. I still can't. She used to work for Wayne Enterprises. Find a file. Coming on line now, sir. -Advanced botany. DNA splicing. Recombinant animal plant patterns. Pheromone extractions. Pheromones? -Pheromones? Glandular secretions from animals. Scents that create powerful emotions. Fear. Rage... -Glandular secretions from animals. Scents that create powerful emotions. Fear. Rage... Passion. Of course. Find the photo of Ivy after the flower ball. -What is it? It appears, sir, that someone has stolen the batsignal. -Alfred, are you...? Rather disappointed at how poorly I taught you proper housekeeping. And quite well, it seems. Thanks to you, son. Thanks to you all. -I'm on break from- Oxbridge Academy? -Oxbridge Academy? Their new computer sciences division. How did you know? -Their new computer sciences division. How did you know? I recognized the accent. -Sometimes counting on someone else is the only way to win. Hey, I'm the one who kicked Ivy's botanical butt. Personally. Me. I did. -Hey, I'm the one who kicked Ivy's botanical butt. Personally. Me. I did. You are going back to school. -Please be looking for me. I'm so sorry to trouble you, but- -Al's main squeeze. Is she here? I'm about to scrape the bottom of my shoe off my tongue, right? My parents were killed in an auto accident ten years ago. Alfred has been supporting me ever since. -I could have made it, you know. I didn't need your help. Whatever you say, lady. It's all in a day's work for me. -This is to replace the bike I lost. I'll get you the rest. Keep it. -Keep it. Of course, Dick Grayson, ward of the fabulously wealthy Bruce Wayne. Why would you need a few hundred dollars? -Of course, Dick Grayson, ward of the fabulously wealthy Bruce Wayne. Why would you need a few hundred dollars? Hey, what's your problem? -Hey, what's your problem? I guess, the truth is I'm just not comfortable with the idle rich. Even when they try to act like heroes. -I started racing after my parents died. There was something about the speed, the danger, that took me out of myself, that made the hurt go away. You wouldn't understand. You'd be surprised. -You'd be surprised. Street racing isn't exactly an acceptable major at Oxbridge. They kicked me out. it doesn't matter. I've won enough money to do what I've always dreamed. -Street racing isn't exactly an acceptable major at Oxbridge. They kicked me out. it doesn't matter. I've won enough money to do what I've always dreamed. Just don't tell me you're hoping to run away and join the circus. -Alfred has supported me my whole life. Now I'm going to pay him back. I'm going to liberate him from his dismal life of servitude. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Servants, Masters, it's ridiculous. Alfred is the sweetest, most noble man alive and he's subjugated all his life and dreams to someone else. -Servants, Masters, it's ridiculous. Alfred is the sweetest, most noble man alive and he's subjugated all his life and dreams to someone else. Alfred and Bruce are like family. -Alfred and Bruce are like family. Paying someone to prepare your meals and do your laundry and clean your dishes, you call that family? -Paying someone to prepare your meals and do your laundry and clean your dishes, you call that family? Alfred's happy here. -Alfred's happy here. Happy. You honestly don't know, do you? You can't even see what's in front of your own eyes. -Alpha. Got it. What the hell is attack plan Alpha? Divide and conquer. -Youwsa! Nothing but air. Batgirl, Baatgirl, Baatgirl. -This is easy. Crimefighter's rule number one: never say that. -Crimefighter's rule number one: never say that. Why? -Crimefighter's rule number two. I'm afraid to ask. -I'm afraid to ask. Be ready for anything. -Pow! What! Kazow! What exactly are you doing? -What exactly are you doing? I don't know. It just feels right. -It'll take the satellites about a minute to re-align, but...damn! Damn? Damn is not good. -Damn? Damn is not good. Those targeting mirrors are frozen. The sun beam won't work. -You were a great scientist once. Don't squander your genius on evil. I hate being lectured. -After you have frozen, your icy tomb will plummet back to Gotham. Freeze, you're mad. This capsule will slaughter thousands. -Mr. Bane, I'll finish off the city. You, as they say in showbiz, are on. Take the boys and kill the kids. But bring me the Bat. We have eleven minutes to stop Freeze And thaw the city. -You're loosing your cool I think not. There'll be no hot time in this old town tonight. You'll get a charge out of this. -Go on, kill me too. Just as you killed my wife. I didn't kill your wife. -Nice suit. And today you are? Nightwing. Scourge of darkest evil. -Nightwing. Scourge of darkest evil. This is all about fashion for you, isn't it? -This is all about fashion for you, isn't it? It's the gear. Chicks love the gear. -... A giant drilling truck burrowing under the city ... Mr. Freeze. -Mr. Freeze. The batcomputer tracks him heading for the Gotham Museum. -The batcomputer tracks him heading for the Gotham Museum. The new antiquities exhibit. The Second Sun of the Sudan. -The new antiquities exhibit. The Second Sun of the Sudan. Of course. He's going to steal the giant white diamond. -Of course. He's going to steal the giant white diamond. No, Robin. He's going to jail. -I was just hanging around. I thought you were going to stay in the museum and round up the thugs. -I thought you were going to stay in the museum and round up the thugs. How about, nice to see you? Glad you're here to save my life. -Watch the first step. Surf's up. -You think Freeze will take the bait? He'll be here. -You don't have two million. Three million - - I'll borrow it from you. Four million - - -Pull back. You can't make the jump. I can make it. -She's definitely part of this. It's weird, for a while Ivy was all I could think about. But then... I know. The feeling just vanished. -I know. The feeling just vanished. I can't believe we were fighting over a bad guy. -I can't believe we were fighting over a bad guy. Bad, yes. Guy, no. This is one majorly beautiful evil person. -Bad, yes. Guy, no. This is one majorly beautiful evil person. I'm totally over her. Positively. -I'm totally over her. Positively. Me too. Great stems, though. -Me too. Great stems, though. Umm-hmmmm. -Umm-hmmmm. Definitely. -How did you...? Open Sesame...Chicken. -She's still alive. He's adapted his freezing technology to reverse McGregor's Syndrome. He's even found a cure for the early stages of the disease. Can he save her? -Can he save her? No. Her case is too advanced. But maybe, someday, with more research- -No beauty... Just the beast. -Remember the victim at the airport. Toxins introduced through the mouth. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Why is she so desperate to kiss us? I'm betting her lips are poison. -Why is she so desperate to kiss us? I'm betting her lips are poison. A poison kiss? You have some real issues with women, you know that? You just couldn't stand that she was about to kiss me. Couldn't stand that something might be mine and not yours. Could you?! -We gotta get those locks changed. She knows who we are. -She knows who we are. I guess we'll just have to kill her. -I guess we'll just have to kill her. Kill her later. We've got work to do. -No sign of the snowman. Maybe he melted. -If we could relay the sunlight- From the other side of the equator- -Winded, old timer? Don't make me kill you in front of the girl. -They're overly protective. You're Not going to hurt me are you, Ms... Dr. Pamela Isley. -Dr. Pamela Isley. What can I do for you, Doctor? A research grant? A hospital wing? -What can I do for you, Doctor? A research grant? A hospital wing? Actually, I already work for you. Or did. Your arboreal preservation project in South America. -Actually, I already work for you. Or did. Your arboreal preservation project in South America. We cut our support. A conflict of ideologies. Dr. Woodrue was a lunatic. -We cut our support. A conflict of ideologies. Dr. Woodrue was a lunatic. I see you knew him. -I see you knew him. That lab was consumed by fire last week. how did you manage to escape? -That lab was consumed by fire last week. how did you manage to escape? I have here a proposal showing how Wayne Enterprises can immediately cease all actions that toxify our environment. -Forget the stars. Look here, at the Earth, our mother, our womb. She deserves our loyalty and protection. And yet you spoil her lands, poison her oceans, blacken her skies. You're killing her. Your intentions are noble, but no diesel fuel for heat. No coolants to preserve food. Millions would die of cold and hunger alone. -Your intentions are noble, but no diesel fuel for heat. No coolants to preserve food. Millions would die of cold and hunger alone. Acceptable losses in a battle to save the planet. -Acceptable losses in a battle to save the planet. People come first, Dr. Isley. -Tell me, billionaire, would you warm faster to my pleas if I looked more like Ms. January here? Although the Wayne Foundation is hosting the event, sadly I will be unable to attend. Thank you all. Good day, Doctor. -Physical perfection, charm and wealth tossed over for a dowdy spinster. How do you explain your behavior? I can't. But perhaps tonight, over dinner...I've just had an opening. -I can't. But perhaps tonight, over dinner...I've just had an opening. Maybe your witless playboy persona works on every bimbo du jour but I am not the least bit titillated by your attentions. So back off or I'll have you in court quicker than you can spell sexual harassment. Got me? -No!? Umm. What I mean is...no plans at the moment... -Umm. What I mean is...no plans at the moment... But soon... -And? Can I get some help over here? -You're not even listening to me. What? I'm sorry. You were saying... -What? I'm sorry. You were saying... We've been going out over a year now and...Okay, here goes. Bruce, I want to spend my life with you. -Julie, I'm not the marrying kind. There are things about me you wouldn't understand. I know you're a dedicated bachelor. That you've had a your wild nights. -I know you're a dedicated bachelor. That you've had a your wild nights. Wild doesn't exactly cover it. -Wild doesn't exactly cover it. But there's nothing you've done under the cover of darkness I couldn't learn to understand. -But there's nothing you've done under the cover of darkness I couldn't learn to understand. I wouldn't bet on that. -I wouldn't bet on that. I'm betting on you. You'll make someone a good husband one day. But I can't wait around forever. Don't answer now. Just think it over. Here's some food for thought. -Who's Ivy? What? -What? You just called me Ivy. Who's Ivy? -You just called me Ivy. Who's Ivy? I wish I knew. -Dr. Isley. it was like I could feel you in the room. You're...enchanting. Gorgeous. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen. If you're..um... free...this evening. Bruce? What are you doing? -Make a choice, Bruce. Her or me. Well...um...her. -Well...um...her. You were right. I get it. You're not the marrying kind. You've made your point. Goodbye Bruce Wayne. -That's gotta hurt. Somehow he survived. But the cryoslution mutated his body. -What happened to his wife? Presumed dead. No one knows. -He needs extreme cold to survive. His cryo-suit uses diamond enhanced lasers to keep him at zero degrees. Let me get this straight. A brilliant citizen, disfigured by a horrible accident, re-emerges as a psychotic super-villain bent on theft, revenge and destruction. You see a pattern here? -Let me get this straight. A brilliant citizen, disfigured by a horrible accident, re-emerges as a psychotic super-villain bent on theft, revenge and destruction. You see a pattern here? "< Maybe it's something in the water." -I need the Wayne Diamonds. We gonna trap ourselves a snowman? -We gonna trap ourselves a snowman? Absolutely. Just as soon as you take ten hours training in the simulator. -Absolutely. Just as soon as you take ten hours training in the simulator. Whoa, I made a mistake. I'm sorry. Don't go all protective on me. It won't happen again. -Whoa, I made a mistake. I'm sorry. Don't go all protective on me. It won't happen again. Dick, you were reckless. You could have been killed. -Dick, you were reckless. You could have been killed. I'm fine. See. Me. here. Alive. How are we gonna work together if you're never going to trust me? -I got the diamond. Quell problemo, Bruce? You left your back wide open. Freeze could have killed you. -Of course. Alfred still keeps your mother's picture in his room. Anybody want to tell us kids in the cheap seats who Joanna Clark is? -He's dying. And I can't deal with it. But he's never said a word- -But he's never said a word- You know Alfred. He'd never say Anything. But I can tell. Until you came along, Alfred was the only family I ever had. Without him, I don't know how I would have survived. He saved my life, Dick. And I've never told him. -You know Alfred. He'd never say Anything. But I can tell. Until you came along, Alfred was the only family I ever had. Without him, I don't know how I would have survived. He saved my life, Dick. And I've never told him. Talk to him, Bruce. There's nothing worse than losing someone without telling them how you feel. -Talk to him, Bruce. There's nothing worse than losing someone without telling them how you feel. I'm scared, Dick. Maybe for the first time in my life. I'm really scared. -McGregor's Syndrome. That's what Freeze's wife had. Yes. But Alfred's condition is less severe. Freeze's research says he cured a case like Alfred's. It just doesn't say how. -Yes. But Alfred's condition is less severe. Freeze's research says he cured a case like Alfred's. It just doesn't say how. I checked the medical database. No one else is even close. -I checked the medical database. No one else is even close. I'm late for the dedication. Then I go after Freeze and Ivy. Alone. -I'm late for the dedication. Then I go after Freeze and Ivy. Alone. Like hell you do. -Like hell you do. Dick, don't push me right now. -Dick, don't push me right now. Or what? No one can capture Ivy but the big bad Bat. Crap! You just want her for yourself. Don't you? Answer me, damn it! -Or what? No one can capture Ivy but the big bad Bat. Crap! You just want her for yourself. Don't you? Answer me, damn it! Yes! Yes, I want her so badly I can taste it. That's the whole point. Look at us. Orphans. Isolated. Obsessed to the exclusion of life, love, family. We're perfect targets. She's done something to us, got us fighting over her somehow. -Yes! Yes, I want her so badly I can taste it. That's the whole point. Look at us. Orphans. Isolated. Obsessed to the exclusion of life, love, family. We're perfect targets. She's done something to us, got us fighting over her somehow. Hail the all-knowing Bruce Wayne. Here's what I know, she loves me, Not you and it's driving you crazy. It's why you stopped us from kissing. Because if you can't have her, nobody can. -Hail the all-knowing Bruce Wayne. Here's what I know, she loves me, Not you and it's driving you crazy. It's why you stopped us from kissing. Because if you can't have her, nobody can. She's clouded your mind. You're not thinking straight. -She's clouded your mind. You're not thinking straight. Oh but I am. For the first time in a long time. I'm through living in your shadow. All that ends right now. -That's no batlight, it's a birdcall. Her name is Pamela Isley. I saw her talking to Gordon. She must have stolen his keys, altered the signal- -Her name is Pamela Isley. I saw her talking to Gordon. She must have stolen his keys, altered the signal- And she did it all for me. For love. -And she did it all for me. For love. She's infected us with some kind of pheromone extract- -She's infected us with some kind of pheromone extract- Is that it, Bruce? I'm under some magic spell? -Is that it, Bruce? I'm under some magic spell? She wants to kill you. -She wants to kill you. You'd say anything to keep me away from her. To keep her for yourself. -You'd say anything to keep me away from her. To keep her for yourself. You once said to me that being part of a team means trusting your partner. That sometimes counting on someone else is the only way to win. DO you remember? -One question. When Batgirl and I rolled off the telescope, how come you didn't try and save us? It was the first time I fell and you weren't there to catch me. I knew you could handle it. -Let me guess, Plant Girl? Vine Lady? Ms. Moss? Listen, Captain Cold, the suit, maybe, even though silver went out in the 70's. But those boots are unforgivable. What is it with men? -Listen, Captain Cold, the suit, maybe, even though silver went out in the 70's. But those boots are unforgivable. What is it with men? I'd love to stand here all day and exchange fashion tips but I'm kind of pressed for time. So hand over the diamond, Garden Gal, or I turn you into mulch. -Impressive Well, I, my most unabominable snowman, have been impressed by you. In fact I propose a pairing. So I'm here to set you free. -Well, I, my most unabominable snowman, have been impressed by you. In fact I propose a pairing. So I'm here to set you free. An enticing offer. But what does the lady want in return? -An enticing offer. But what does the lady want in return? Let's cool it for now. There's someone I want you to meet. -I love that belt. What are you, about a fifty Big and Tall? I always go a size smaller. Makes me look slimmer. -No gun. How disarming. I wonder if I can get a cell with a view of the gardens? -I wonder if I can get a cell with a view of the gardens? Dear daisy, don't despair. -My reserves are exhausted. I must have the gems that power my suit. You are looking unseasonably hot. Let's go inside and grab your rocks. -In my weakened state I am no match for the bat and the bird. You leave Batman and Robin to me. -Trust me. Vegetable magnetism. Fine. While I retrieve my diamonds, you and meatloaf will bring my wife to your lair. She's frozen in - -Fine. While I retrieve my diamonds, you and meatloaf will bring my wife to your lair. She's frozen in - Hold it. You never said anything about a wife, frozen or otherwise- -You will rescue my wife OK, OK. Ms. Ivy to the rescue. Now where do I find your brittle bride? -Make yourself right at home. Where is my wife? -Where is my wife? There was nothing I could do. Batman deactivated her. She's dead. -There was nothing I could do. Batman deactivated her. She's dead. You lie! -Their bones will turn to ice. Their blood will freeze in my hands. Kill them. Of course. But why stop there? Why should only Batman and Robin die while the society that created them goes unpunished? -Yes. I shall replay the world for sentencing me to a life without the warmth of human comfort. I will blanket the city in endless winter. First Gotham and then the world. Just what I had in mind. Everything dead on Earth except us. A chance for mother nature to start again. Plants and flowers are the oldest species on the planet yet they are defenseless against man. Sorry hon, this is for science. Behold the dawn of a new age. -I have created a race of plants with the strength of the deadliest animals. Once you have frozen mankind, my mutants will overrun the globe. The Earth will become a brave new world of only plants. And we shall rule them. For we will be the only two people left in the world. Adam and Evil. -You will distract the bat and bird while I prepare to freeze Gotham. Can't we just ice them along with the rest of the citizenry? -Can't we just ice them along with the rest of the citizenry? That is far too merciful. Batman will watch his beloved Gotham perish, then I will kill him. -That is far too merciful. Batman will watch his beloved Gotham perish, then I will kill him. As a team, the duncely duo protect each other. But the Robin is young. Impetuous. If I could get him alone- -As a team, the duncely duo protect each other. But the Robin is young. Impetuous. If I could get him alone- One kiss and you could lift the mask from his lifeless face. Their secret identities would be revealed. But how best to bait a brid? -One kiss and you could lift the mask from his lifeless face. Their secret identities would be revealed. But how best to bait a brid? The way to a boy's heart is through his ego. What strapping young hero could resist his very own...signal? -The way to a boy's heart is through his ego. What strapping young hero could resist his very own...signal? Inspired, Ms. Ivy. -Inspired, Ms. Ivy. I'm hungry. I think I'll have poultry. -Prepare for a bitter harvest. Winter has come at last. Not good. -Freezy, I'm feeling...hot. I find that unlikely. -I find that unlikely. Okay, my hair is brittle, my skin is dry and I don't care. I'd weather blizzards to have you. You're the most perfect man I've ever known. -Okay, my hair is brittle, my skin is dry and I don't care. I'd weather blizzards to have you. You're the most perfect man I've ever known. To be frozen. To never change. A life of perpetual ice-olation. There is little perfection in that. -To be frozen. To never change. A life of perpetual ice-olation. There is little perfection in that. What say we turn up the heat? -What say we turn up the heat? You're skating on thin ice. My passion thaws for my bride alone. -You're skating on thin ice. My passion thaws for my bride alone. Forget your frosty femme. These lips are wet and ready to get frostbite. -Forget your frosty femme. These lips are wet and ready to get frostbite. Hop away little bunny. Before I cool your jets. Permanently. -Give it up. If you threw yourself- At you? Polly want a kiss? -I'm glad you came. I can't breathe without you. I want us to be together. But I need to know you're serious about turning over a new leaf. I need a sign. -I want us to be together. But I need to know you're serious about turning over a new leaf. I need a sign. How about dangerous curves? -How about dangerous curves? Of trust. Tell me your plan. -Of trust. Tell me your plan. Kiss me and I'll tell you. -Kiss me and I'll tell you. Tell me and I'll kiss you. -Tell me and I'll kiss you. Freeze has turned the new telescope into a freezing gun. He's about to turn Gotham into an ice cube. -Freeze has turned the new telescope into a freezing gun. He's about to turn Gotham into an ice cube. I've got to stop him. -I've got to stop him. One kiss, my love. For luck. -Bad luck, I'm afraid. It's time to die, little bird. What do you mean? -What do you mean? You should have heeded your pointy- eared pal. These lips can be murder. -You should have heeded your pointy- eared pal. These lips can be murder. Then you never loved me? -Then you never loved me? Love you? I loathe your bipedal arrogance, your animal superiority. My only joy is knowing that even now my poison kiss is sucking the life from your ape-like face. -You're too late. Say bye-bye birdie. Sorry to disappoint you. But rubber lips are immune to your charms. -What do we have here? A lovely new supply of Venom. I'll just take this to my laboratory for further study. What exactly are you working on in there? What are those screams? -You have to tell me what you're doing with my Venom. You must show me your secrets, blossom, before I show you mine. -...Our original sponsor had no stomach for military applications. he cut the funding for our work - Our work? -Our work? Without your research, I could never have come this far. Join me. The two of us, entwined, side by side... -Join you? I've spent my life trying to protect plants from extinction and now you corrupt my research into some maniacal scheme for world domination. When I get through you won't be able to get a job teaching high school chemistry, do you hear me, you psycho? Well, I can respect your opinion. -Dr. Isley? Pamela? You look great. Especially for a dead woman. Hello, Jason. I think I've had a change of heart. -The dreams again, sir? I think they're getting worse. -I think they're getting worse. It's a wonder you sleep at all. -...Would it be a terrible imposition to ask you to take better care of your equipment? Then you'd have nothing to complain about. -Then you'd have nothing to complain about. Hardly a worry, sir. -How's the sonar coming, Alfred? A few hitches sir, but I'm confident we'll have a prototype in no time. -A few hitches sir, but I'm confident we'll have a prototype in no time. It'll never work. -It'll never work. I believe you said the same thing about the Batmobile. -Scholarly research? She has an excellent mind. -She has an excellent mind. If I misinterpreted your interest in the lady, I humbly apologize-- -If I misinterpreted your interest in the lady, I humbly apologize-- I wonder if she'd go out with me. -I wonder if she'd go out with me. Apology hastily retracted. -Do you remember the night I fell into that cave and the bat chased me? Your parents' wake. Rain fell like tears. -Your parents' wake. Rain fell like tears. ...The night Batman was born. What was I doing in the fields that night, Alfred? What sent me running out into that storm? I keep dreaming about it but I just can't remember. -...The night Batman was born. What was I doing in the fields that night, Alfred? What sent me running out into that storm? I keep dreaming about it but I just can't remember. I don't know, sir. Your dear parents. Suddenly gone. So much loss... -I don't know, sir. Your dear parents. Suddenly gone. So much loss... I remember the bat, though. His scream. Those eyes. i was sure the fear would kill me. In time I came to believe that if I became a monster, that if I was feared, I wouldn't be scared anymore. I was wrong. They think I became Batman to fight crime. I became Batman to fight the fear. And instead I became the fear. -Gee, I'm not sure. Alfred? How many rooms? Total? Ninety-three, including the sauna. -Ninety-three, including the sauna. Take any three you like. After you get settled we can... -It's happening again. Just like my parents. A monster comes out of the night. A scream. Two gunshots. I killed them. What did you say? -What did you say? He killed them. Two-Face. He slaughtered that boy's parents. -He killed them. Two-Face. He slaughtered that boy's parents. No. You said I. I killed them. -No. You said I. I killed them. Don't be ridiculous. -Sorry to bother you, sir. I have some rather distressing news about Master Dick. Is he all right? -Is he all right? I'm afraid Master Dick has... gone traveling. -I'm afraid Master Dick has... gone traveling. He ran away? -He ran away? Actually, he took the car. -Actually, he took the car. He boosted the Jag? Is that all? -He boosted the Jag? Is that all? Not the Jaguar. The _other_ car. -Not the Jaguar. The _other_ car. The _Rolls_? -The _Rolls_? _No_, sir. _The_ _other_ _car_! -Too much wealth. Too fast. Half of Gotham zombied-out. A technology that self destructs. He's protecting more than industrial secrets, Alfred. I shall be near at hand. Should you need me. And sir, I know it's difficult but try and have a good time. -Maybe they're right. Which `they' might that be, sir? -Which `they' might that be, sir? Jack Napier's dead. My parents are avenged. The Wayne Foundation contributes a small fortune to police and crime prevention programs. -Why do I keep doing this? Why, indeed? -Why, indeed? Could I let Batman go? For Dick. For me. Could I leave the shadows? Have a life. Friends. Family... -Could I let Batman go? For Dick. For me. Could I leave the shadows? Have a life. Friends. Family... Dr. Meridian... -She's the first woman in a long time that's... No. She's the first woman ever. And she loves Batman. Not Bruce Wayne. If I let go of Batman I'll lose her. Perhaps. Perhaps not. Why not ask the lady? -Perhaps. Perhaps not. Why not ask the lady? How? As Batman, knowing she wants me? Or as Bruce Wayne and hope...? -How are you feeling, young man? Not that young. It's been a long time since you've called me that. -Not that young. It's been a long time since you've called me that. Old habits die hard. Are you alright? -Old habits die hard. Are you alright? As well as can be expected, I guess. Give me the bad news. -As well as can be expected, I guess. Give me the bad news. Dick has run away. They have taken Dr. Meridian. And I'm afraid they found the cave, sir. It's been destroyed. -I'm Batman? I remember my life as Bruce Wayne. But all this. It's like the life of a stranger. Perhaps the fall... -Perhaps the fall... There's one other thing. I feel.. -There's one other thing. I feel.. What? -What? ...Afraid. -...Afraid. Bruce. Son. Listen to me. You are a kind man. A strong man. But in truth you are not the most sane man. -Bruce. Son. Listen to me. You are a kind man. A strong man. But in truth you are not the most sane man. ...A bat. -...A bat. What? -What? I remember a bat. A monster. A demon. Chasing me. Oh my God, Alfred. -I remember a bat. A monster. A demon. Chasing me. Oh my God, Alfred. No demons, son. Your monsters are here. Until you fact that, I fear you will spend your life fleeing them. -Master, Bruce? ...Batman, Alfred. I'm Batman. -All the answers are numbers. But 1, 3, 1, 8, & 5. What do they mean? -But 1, 3, 1, 8, & 5. What do they mean? What do maniacs always want? -What do maniacs always want? Recognition, of course. -Recognition, of course. Precisely. So this number is probably some kind of calling card. -Letters in the alphabet. Of course. 13 is M....MRE. -Of course. 13 is M....MRE. How about, MR. E. -How about, MR. E. Mystery. -Mystery. And another name for Mystery? -And another name for Mystery? Enigma. -Enigma. Exactly. Mr. E. Mister Edward Nygma. -What now sir? Claw Island. Nygma's headquarters. I'm sure that's where they're keeping Chase. Are all the Batsuits destroyed? -Claw Island. Nygma's headquarters. I'm sure that's where they're keeping Chase. Are all the Batsuits destroyed? All except the prototype with the sonar modifications you so disapprove of. But it hasn't yet been tested. -All except the prototype with the sonar modifications you so disapprove of. But it hasn't yet been tested. Tonight's a good night. -Welcome, Master Grayson. I'm Alfred. How ya doin', Al? -How ya doin', Al? Al? -Al? Big house. How many rooms? -May I help you, Master Grayson? How come this is the only locked door around this museum? What's back there? -How come this is the only locked door around this museum? What's back there? Master Wayne's dead wives. -Up here, Al. Just checking, young sir. -Just checking, young sir. Four seconds from... -_Two_ million dollars waiting to be transferred from the _Second_ Bank of Gotham on the _22nd_ How could Harvey? _Two_-Face resist? And you are? -...dual personalities. Abnormal psychology. Washington's poster child for the criminally insane. I read your work. I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a super-hero's night table. You might have some interesting insights into Two-Face. -I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a super-hero's night table. You might have some interesting insights into Two-Face. Why's that? -Why's that? Let's just say I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent. -Let's just say I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent. Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian. -Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian. I didn't know that. See? You _are_ interesting. And call me Chase. By the way, do you have a first name? Or do I just call you bats? -He's home. I sent the signal. What's wrong? -What's wrong? Last night at the circus. I noticed something about Dent. His coin. He's obsessed with justice. It's his Achilles' heel. It can be exploited. -I wish I could say my interest in you was purely professional... Are you trying to get under my cape, Doctor? -Are you trying to get under my cape, Doctor? A girl cannot live by psychoses alone. -A girl cannot live by psychoses alone. It's the car, right? Chicks love the car. -It's the car, right? Chicks love the car. What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was guys with earrings. College, motorcycles and leather jackets. -Now black rubber. Try a fireman. Less to take off. -Try a fireman. Less to take off. I don't mind the work. Pity I can't see behind the mask. -We all wear masks. My life's an open book. You read? -My life's an open book. You read? I'm not the kind of guy who blends in at a family picnic. -I'm not the kind of guy who blends in at a family picnic. We could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring the scarred psyche. -We could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring the scarred psyche. You are direct, aren't you? -You are direct, aren't you? You like strong women. I've done my homework. Or do I need skin-tight vinyl and a whip? -I haven't had much luck with women... Maybe you just haven't met the right woman... -Help Chase. I'll be back. Did Two-Face call him Bruce? -Welcome to my parlor said the Riddler to the Bat. How's tricks? No more tricks, Edward. Release Chase and Dick. This is between you and me. -Death. Death. Without taste, sound and all around us. Because there is no way for me to save them or myself. This is one giant death trap. Excellent. See. Who says a guy in a rubber suit can't be smart? Well, it's been grand. Sorry you all have to die now. -Wait. I have a riddle for you. For _me_? Really? Tell me. -For _me_? Really? Tell me. I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I? -I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I? Oh please. You're blind as a bat. -Oh please. You're blind as a bat. Exactly! -Mr...? Bruce Wayne. In the flesh. -Bruce Wayne. In the flesh. Um...I'm pretty sure I'm Bruce Wayne. And you are? -Um...I'm pretty sure I'm Bruce Wayne. And you are? Nygma. Edward Nygma. You hired me. Personally. Just like I tell everyone. Well, we've never actually met, but your name was on the hire slip. -I'm gonna need that hand back, Ed. What? Ah yes. Of course. I'm sorry. It's just that...you're my idol. And some people have been trying to keep us apart. -What? Ah yes. Of course. I'm sorry. It's just that...you're my idol. And some people have been trying to keep us apart. Mr. Nygma, you'll forgive me for being rude. But what exactly is on your mind? -Mr. Nygma, you'll forgive me for being rude. But what exactly is on your mind? Precisely. What's on all our minds? Brainwaves. The future of Wayne Enterprises is Brainwaves! -Call my secretary, she'll set something up. Factory looks great, folks. Keep up the good work. Wait. You can't go. -Wait. You can't go. We'll talk some other - -We'll talk some other - No. Don't leave me! My invention! I need you! -So glad you could come. What? Oh, Edward. Hi. Congratulations. Great party- -What? Oh, Edward. Hi. Congratulations. Great party- The press were just wondering what it feels like to be outsold, outclassed, and generally outdone in every way... And what light through yonder window breaks? `Tis the east. And you are... -What? Oh, it's very impressive. Gracious even in defeat. How vaguely disappointing. When all this could have been ours together. -No grape could be more intoxicating than you, my dear. But we make due. To your charms. Skol. Nostrovia. -Nostrovia. La'chiem. -La'chiem. Slanta. -Slanta. Rinka. -Rinka. Banzai. -I notice you've sub-divided your B coupons. Feeling a little light on principle? Actually, I like to divest just before a major re-capitalization. -How can I help you, Mr. Wayne? Somebody's been sending me love letters. Commissioner Gordon thought you might give me your expert opinion. -Psychiatrists make you nervous? Just ones this beautiful. -Just ones this beautiful. The infamous Wayne charm. Does it ever shut off? -The infamous Wayne charm. Does it ever shut off? On occasion. Usually at night. -Still play with dolls, Doctor? She's a Malaysian dream warden. She stands sentry while you sleep and calms your dreams. Need one? -She's a Malaysian dream warden. She stands sentry while you sleep and calms your dreams. Need one? Me? No. Only things that need calming in my dreams are the Rockettes. -My opinion. This letter writer is a total wacko. Wacko? That a technical term? -Wacko? That a technical term? Patient apparently suffers from acute obsessional syndrome with potential homicidal styles. Work better for you? -Patient apparently suffers from acute obsessional syndrome with potential homicidal styles. Work better for you? So what you're saying, this guy's a total wacko, right? -So what you're saying, this guy's a total wacko, right? Exactly. -I think the question would be, do you have a thing for bats? So, this Riddler, he's dangerous? -So, this Riddler, he's dangerous? What do you know about obsession? -What do you know about obsession? Not much. -It's a stretch but I'll manage. The letter writer is obsessed with you. His only escape may be... -The letter writer is obsessed with you. His only escape may be... To kill me. -To kill me. You understand obsession better than you let on. -You understand obsession better than you let on. No insights here, doc. Just trying to get comfortable on your couch. Oops. Times up. -No insights here, doc. Just trying to get comfortable on your couch. Oops. Times up. That's usually my line. -That's usually my line. Look, I'd love to keep chatting- -Look, I'd love to keep chatting- Would you? I'm not so sure. -Would you? I'm not so sure. But I'm going to have to get you out of those clothes. -But I'm going to have to get you out of those clothes. Excuse me. -Excuse me. And into a black dress. -I'm surprised you aren't blind by now. I'm sorry. Who are you? -Like normal folks. What? This isn't normal? -That kid is amazing. I don't get you Bruce Wayne. -I don't get you Bruce Wayne. Me? I'm easy. Especially after a couple of martinis. -Me? I'm easy. Especially after a couple of martinis. The glib, cavalier routine, it really is an act, isn't it? -The glib, cavalier routine, it really is an act, isn't it? Don't believe it. I'm just skin deep. -Look, I'm rock climbing Sunday. How about coming along? Bruce, much to my surprise, you seem like a really great guy... -Bruce, much to my surprise, you seem like a really great guy... But... -But... Well, I met someone... -Well, I met someone... Fast work. You just moved here. -Fast work. You just moved here. You could say he kind of dropped out of the sky and bang-. I think he felt it too. -You could say he kind of dropped out of the sky and bang-. I think he felt it too. He sure did. -He sure did. What? -What? I said I'm sure he did. -The style of the letters I'm getting matches those found at the crime sites. Why would The Riddler be sending me riddles? Who's your decorator? U-Haul? Sorry. I haven't even had time to unpack. Instant coffee okay? -A lot of what happened is jagged. Pieces missing. I can't really remember. I just get flashes. Usually in my dreams. I'd kind of gotten used to them. At least accepted them.... And now.... -And now.... They've changed. The dreams, I mean. There's a new element I don't understand. A book. Black. Covered in leather.... -Find anything interesting? Why do I feel like the other man, here? -Why do I feel like the other man, here? Come on, Bruce. This is what I do for a living. -Come on, Bruce. This is what I do for a living. I'd say this goes a little beyond taking your work home. -I'd say this goes a little beyond taking your work home. What do you want me to say? That I'm not attracted to him? -Why do you do that? What? -What? Throw up that ridiculous superficial mask. If you're jealous... -Throw up that ridiculous superficial mask. If you're jealous... I'm not- -I'm not- You want me close but you won't let me near. What's the terrible, dark secret you're protecting everyone from? -In a sense we are all two people. The side we show in daylight. And that side we keep in shadow. Rage. Anger. Passion. Pain. -If I didn't know better, I'd say you were sulking. Keep me off the couch, Doc. Your fees are a little rich for me. -Keep me off the couch, Doc. Your fees are a little rich for me. Touchy, touchy. -Touchy, touchy. So how goes your `scholarly' pursuit of Batman? -So how goes your `scholarly' pursuit of Batman? Oh God, Bruce. You're still jealous. -Oh God, Bruce. You're still jealous. Spare me the diagnosis, okay? You're being ridiculous. I can't be jealous of Batman. Can I? -And the beast slouches towards Bethelem. Excuse me, boys. I'd hate to stop this testosterone flood on my account- -There's something I want to talk with you about. It's...Well, we.. I... Okay, tiger, take it slow. You going to give me your pin or something? -Your memories are repressed. They're trying to break through. Relax. Try to remember-. I don't want to remember! -I don't want to remember! Stop fighting. -My parents are laid out in the library. Their skin smells like talcum powder. I'm so small. My father's diary is on his desk like always. I'm opening the book. Reading. I'm running out into the storm. The book is in my hands. I can't hear my screams over the rain. I'm falling... What does it say? What hurts so much, Bruce? What does the book say? -What does it say? What hurts so much, Bruce? What does the book say? I don't-. -I don't-. You do know. Try. -The last entry read, Bruce insists on seeing a movie tonight. Bruce insists. I made them go out. I made them take me to the movie. To that theater... It was my fault. I killed them. Oh God, Bruce, you were a child. You weren't responsible. -Oh God, Bruce, you were a child. You weren't responsible. ...Not the bat? -...Not the bat? What? -What? I always thought it was the bat that scared me that night that changed my life. But it wasn't. The real fear was hiding underneath: what I read in the journal, that my parents' deaths were my fault. That's what I couldn't remember. That's the crime I've been paying for all these years. -I always thought it was the bat that scared me that night that changed my life. But it wasn't. The real fear was hiding underneath: what I read in the journal, that my parents' deaths were my fault. That's what I couldn't remember. That's the crime I've been paying for all these years. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Chase. There's something I need to tell you-- -Okay. I'm outta here. Excuse me. -Excuse me. I figure telling that cop I'd stay here saved me a truckload of social service interviews and good will. So no offense but thanks. See ya. -Where will you go? The circus is halfway to Metropolis by now. I got no place at the circus without my family. I'm going to get a fix on Two-Face. Then I'm going to kill him. -I got no place at the circus without my family. I'm going to get a fix on Two-Face. Then I'm going to kill him. Listen, Dick. Killing Two-Face won't take the pain away. It'll make it worse. -Listen, Dick. Killing Two-Face won't take the pain away. It'll make it worse. Look, spare me the sermons, okay. You're just some rich guy who is trying to do a good deed. You don't even know me. -I need to be part of this. Absolutely not. -Absolutely not. Me and my brother Chris were putting money aside so our folks could retire. Dad's knee was going. Chris was engaged, you know that? Two-Face took...everything. Now I can pay him back. -Me and my brother Chris were putting money aside so our folks could retire. Dad's knee was going. Chris was engaged, you know that? Two-Face took...everything. Now I can pay him back. What I do isn't about revenge. -Back off, man. You don't understand. It's an addiction. You fight night after night, trying to fill the emptiness. But the pain's back in the morning. And somewhere along the way it stops being a choice. I want better for you. -You don't understand. It's an addiction. You fight night after night, trying to fill the emptiness. But the pain's back in the morning. And somewhere along the way it stops being a choice. I want better for you. Save the sermons about how great you want my life to be, okay, Bruce? If it weren't for Batman my parents wouldn't be dead. You don't get it, do you? This is all your fault. -What the hell did you think you were doing? You have a real gratitude problem. You know that, Bruce? I need a name. Batboy? The Dark Earl? What's a good side kick name? -You have a real gratitude problem. You know that, Bruce? I need a name. Batboy? The Dark Earl? What's a good side kick name? How about Richard Grayson, college student? -How about Richard Grayson, college student? ...I missed Two-Face by a heartbeat. When we catch him, you gotta let me kill him! -...I missed Two-Face by a heartbeat. When we catch him, you gotta let me kill him! We don't kill. Killing is what damns you. It-. What am I talking about? This conversation is over. You're going away to school. -We don't kill. Killing is what damns you. It-. What am I talking about? This conversation is over. You're going away to school. I saved your life. You owe me. So either you let me be your partner or I'm going after Harvey on my own. -You can't-. Dick, let go. Revenge will eat you alive. Trust me. I know. -Dick, let go. Revenge will eat you alive. Trust me. I know. But what about all the good we can do? There are monsters out there. Gotham needs us. -But what about all the good we can do? There are monsters out there. Gotham needs us. And when you finally get Two-Face? -Exactly. And once you'd killed him you'd be lost. Like me. All this has to be a choice. Otherwise...it's a curse. Bruce, you can't. -Bruce, you can't. Chase is coming for dinner. Why don't you join us. -Chase? Of course you are. And what a grand pursuit you must be. What do you think of my new invention? -Edward... Who is it? -Who is it? It's Dr. Meridian. Chase. Do you remember me? -It's Dr. Meridian. Chase. Do you remember me? How could I forget? -How could I forget? Dr. Burton tells me you know who Batman is. -Dr. Burton tells me you know who Batman is. Yesssssss. I know! -Who is The Batman, Edward? Can't tell if you don't say please. -Can't tell if you don't say please. You're right, Edward. I didn't mean to be impolite. Please. -I really do apologize, Mr. Wayne. His project was terminated this morning... Let me ask you something, Bruce. What is man's greatest tool? -Why be brutalized by an uncaring world? My RES Box will give Joe Q Public a realm where he is king. Not that someone like you would need it. Someone so intelligent. Witty. Charming. But for the lonely, the... Paranoid? The psychotic? -Paranoid? The psychotic? ...The Box can change their lives. Our stock coupons will spike. -Hell. Might even bring old Stickley here a few extra bucks. Huh, Fred? Fred? -I'll show you it works. What the hell is going on here? -Yo. Charlie. Gimmie an order of brain deep-fry. Extra well done. Hold the neurons. Patient exhibits symptoms of psycho neural overload. Notation: obviously higher settings can be dangerous to the subject. Riddle me this, Fred. What is everything to someone and nothing to everyone else? Your mind of course. And now mine pumps with the power of yours. New from Brain-bok. Da pump. Think faster. Reason higher. Out-cog-nate every homey on the court of life. Da pump. Yeah. Ho! Mark. I sense an odd penchant for the anagramatic. The acrostic. The crypto-graphic. What doth this bode? Answer me Marcutio, you little runt. Fred, I must confess you were a wonderful appetizer. Simply divine. But now I yearn for a meal of substance. The main course. A wide and varied palette. Ah, to taste the mind of a hero. A nobleman. A poet. A chick in a short skirt wouldn't be so bad either. ...Fired...your fired...your fired. You understand?! Fired!! -...Fired...your fired...your fired. You understand?! Fired!! I don't think so. -_We_ sure are. ...You gonna kill me? -...You gonna kill me? Might. Might not. Could say we're of two minds on the subject. -Might. Might not. Could say we're of two minds on the subject. I got family. ...Please. -I got family. ...Please. What say we flip for it? -...or death. Please. I swear I won't say noth- -Please. I swear I won't say noth- The coin _wants_ to decide. -That floor has got to be very hard. Is that better? Uh, yeah. Thanks, Mr..uh...Face. -Uh, yeah. Thanks, Mr..uh...Face. Just call us Harvey. Can we get you a sandwich? A soft drink? Given all the trouble we caused you, how about we cut you in for a share of tonight's haul? -Wait! You said you'd let me go! Never heard of a double-cross? -How'd you find us? You _are_ Two-Face, you would need to face both rivers, both uptown and downtown simultaneously. Only one spot in Gotham serves these bi- zonal, bi-coastal needs... -You _are_ Two-Face, you would need to face both rivers, both uptown and downtown simultaneously. Only one spot in Gotham serves these bi- zonal, bi-coastal needs... Congratulations. You get to die on the dean's list. -Yet so bright and chipper and conservative! It's so you. And yet so _you_! Very few people are both a summer _and_ a winter. But you pull it off nicely. A man with a death wish. -A man with a death wish. Harvey. You need me. Since you've gotten out of Arkham, you've managed, what? To bungle stealing a safe? Wreck a statue? And, correct me if I'm wrong here, but weren't you outsmarted by an acned acrobat at the circus? -Harvey. You need me. Since you've gotten out of Arkham, you've managed, what? To bungle stealing a safe? Wreck a statue? And, correct me if I'm wrong here, but weren't you outsmarted by an acned acrobat at the circus? Let's see if you bleed green. -Holy shit. So not everyone can be a poet. Still, I respect the sentiment. -No. Wait... Addictive isn't it? Just Say No. Until I say yes. A little fringe benefit of working with me. Now here's the concept, counselor. Crime. My I.Q., your AK-47. You help me gather production capital so I can produce enough of these to create an empire that will eclipse Bruce Wayne's forever. And, in return I will help you solve the greatest riddle of all. Who is Batman? -Where are you sending Batboy this time? Here. Get a good seat. -Sure, E = MC squared. Until you factor in more than three dimensions. Then... Damn. Hit us again. Haven't you had enough? Don't Think And Drive. -Not until you do that thing I like. On se tue pour des mesnonges. J'ai gache ma vie... Woah. Harsh toke. Don't bogart that 'trode. -Oh my God. Jim Morrison was right. About what? -About what? Everything. -Why do we need you? You only come between us. We can be the smartest person in Gotham City. We want the empire for ourselves. Time's up, laughing boy. Kill me? Well, alright. Go ahead. Take the empire. All yours. Hell, Harv, old pals. I'll kill me for you. -Go ahead. You can say it. You're a genius. -We want to dust him. We truly want to dust him bad. Oh yes, and certainly _WE_ will! -A-14. Miss. -B-12. A miss. And my favorite vitamin, I might add. -A hit. You sunk my battleship. -How high up would you say that is? I'd say about thirty feet, sir. -I'd say about thirty feet, sir. You know, if you cut your bathroom in half, you'd have my apartment. -You know, if you cut your bathroom in half, you'd have my apartment. Which bathroom is that, sir? -Which bathroom is that, sir? The small one. -Yes? Alexander Knox. Gotham Globe. -Alexander Knox. Gotham Globe. Mr. Wayne is out for the day. -Mr. Wayne is out for the day. Actually, I wanted to talk to Batman. Pass that on to Mr. Wayne, would you? -Excuse me, sir. Commissioner Gordon was compelled to leave - -very unexpectedly. He asked me to convey his regrets. Thank you, Alfred. I hope you'll excuse me. It was a great pleasure meeting you. And you. -It's all right, Alfred. Everything's under control. ... Very good, sir. -Where's the boy? Upstairs. He's quite docile. -Upstairs. He's quite docile. I know the feeling. It won't last. He's a long way ahead of where I was at his age. -I know the feeling. It won't last. He's a long way ahead of where I was at his age. Respectfully, sir... there'll never be another one like you. -How long's it been, Alfred? A quarter of a century? It seems like yesterday. I guess we ended up doing more harm than good. Don't ever say that, sir. Don't ever believe it. -Don't ever say that, sir. Don't ever believe it. If not for you I never would've made it. You know that. My own parents couldn't have... ... The boy, Alfred. You'll both be provided for. Don't let all this got to waste. -Like your boyfriend. He's kinda hot. Take me. Let the boy go. -Take me. Let the boy go. Gosh, I could kill you, but then you'd miss my party. And you, Batman -- you're the guest of honor! -Gosh, I could kill you, but then you'd miss my party. And you, Batman -- you're the guest of honor! What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Batman! Don't you even recognize your old pal Jack? After all... ... You made me what I am today. -You know, we should've sat down and had us a little heart-to-heart. I bet we would have got on famously. ... Murderer... -... Murderer... Bruce, we're both murderers. Think how many people you've killed by letting me live. -GET IN THE CAR!! WHICH CAR? -Look! Police! I know. I called them. -I know. I called them. Shouldn't we -- -What about the girl? He won't kill her. -- GODDAMMIT! -Can't we -- Too many people. Come on! SHIELDS!! -How much do you weigh? ... A hundred and eight? -...Not even a 'thank you'? Well -- I think you might consider -I'll have to ask you for that film. I just wanted to distract them. I wasn't trying to get a picture of you. -Please. I won't let you have it. -The Joker is a murderer. And you were as good as dead. So -- Look, I appreciate what you did for me. But this is my job. And I'm keeping those pictures. -Look, I appreciate what you did for me. But this is my job. And I'm keeping those pictures. All right, I'll develop the photos. Anything I don't want is yours. -All right, I'll develop the photos. Anything I don't want is yours. How do I know you won't keep them all? -How do I know you won't keep them all? I'll take you with me. -Thank you, Vicki. ... Where are you taking me? -... How long have I been out? Quite a while. I took the scenic route. -Quite a while. I took the scenic route. Well, I've certainly enjoyed it. -- What's that? -What is this stuff? Kevlar? Better. It's not on the market yet. -Better. It's not on the market yet. It doesn't protect your head, though. -It doesn't protect your head, though. That's why I wear a target on my chest. -How'd you find this place? Exploring. In the woods. Many years ago. -- I was a solitary child. -They don't come down here. They're afraid of the lights. I loathe bats. -I loathe bats. So did I, once. But I kept coming back, and... I guess I became the thing I feared most. -What is that? Photo database. I'll do your photos now. -They've got it all wrong. They're watching the warehouses, the loading docks, looking for a tamperer. The Joker is supplying tainted ingredients at the source. That can't be right. That would mean every shipment of every product is poisoned. We'd all be dead. -That can't be right. That would mean every shipment of every product is poisoned. We'd all be dead. No. Every product contains one component. The elements react in combination. Hair spray won't do it. But hair spray and perfume and lipstick will. Untraceable. It's very elegant. -I just can't absorb it all. This place, the equipment. What it must have cost. Why all the secrecy? Why do you wear the mask? I don't want to jeopardize anyone close to me. -I don't want to jeopardize anyone close to me. If you don't mind my asking... Who's close to you? -Is this what you wanted? You could've killed him, you know. You could've killed the Joker. -You could've killed him, you know. You could've killed the Joker. I had to save you, Vicki. I -- -- Please trust me. -I assume in my usual charming manner I've just insulted the host. Alexander Knox. Bruce Wayne. -- I've read your work. I quite like it. -Bruce Wayne. -- I've read your work. I quite like it. Great. Give me a grant. -Great. Give me a grant. I might consider it if you introduce me to Miss Vale. -"""This is Miss Vale."" -- That felt redundant." You're just back from Corto Maltese. I saw your combat photos. Quite a departure for you. -That's how it is, chum. One column - and I can bring all this tumbling down. I can take you off the streets for good. What is it you want? -What is it you want? I want you to hang up the suit. And I want you to stay away from Vicki. -I want you to hang up the suit. And I want you to stay away from Vicki. I can't do that. Not while the Joker's still at large. -I can't do that. Not while the Joker's still at large. Then stay away from Vicki. That's all I want, man. I just want your word. -See, I don't know how it happened... she's a smart girl and you are an extraordinary screwed-up guy... but she's in love with you. Tell me, Knox. If you've got the story, why haven't you printed it? -Tell me, Knox. If you've got the story, why haven't you printed it? Because I... ... Because she'd never speak to me again. -Do you want a drink? Yeah, a drink. 'Civilized,' right? -Yeah, a drink. 'Civilized,' right? Alfred, bring something for Mr. Knox -- I'll have one, too. -I don't... seek publicity -- Will you be staying in Gotham for a while? As far as I know. -As far as I know. Good. With any luck we'll run into each other. -Do you sail? Too much work. I'm not really the physical type -- Thank you, Alfred. -Two drinks and I start swinging from the rooftops. Look, I bore myself silly. Let's talk about you. How the hell did you wind up in Corto Maltese? That's a tough one. Have you ever seen combat? -That's a tough one. Have you ever seen combat? No. -No. Neither had I. Odd desire for a woman, I guess. -Neither had I. Odd desire for a woman, I guess. Odd desire for anyone. -Odd desire for anyone. Well. A couple of years ago when their president was requesting aid I went down there for Newsweek. The beaches were nice. And at nights -- they had a band -- I danced on the hotel patio. Of course I never saw what was really happening there. When the war broke out I had to go back. And I promised myself that this time... I wouldn't look away. -Well. A couple of years ago when their president was requesting aid I went down there for Newsweek. The beaches were nice. And at nights -- they had a band -- I danced on the hotel patio. Of course I never saw what was really happening there. When the war broke out I had to go back. And I promised myself that this time... I wouldn't look away. What did you see? -What did you see? ... Terror. -There's terror everywhere. If you train yourself to look for it. Well, Bruce, some types are a little more obvious than others. -Bruce, really, when I say these things I don't mean to criticize you. In other words, what right do I have to talk about terror. -In other words, what right do I have to talk about terror. As much as I do. It's not that. I don't want to be depressing, that's all. -As much as I do. It's not that. I don't want to be depressing, that's all. I see. If I know how you really feel, I won't like you as much. -I'm sorry, Bruce, I Just can't seem to get a handle on this conversation. Vicki, if I say anything cryptic, or... ambiguous, I think you should put the most flattering possible interpretation on it. Because even if it doesn't sound that way... that's how I'll mean it. -But it's not fair. I'm half drunk and you're not even -- I'll take you home if you'd like. -I'll take you home if you'd like. God. You would. Come on, Bruce. I just want to get two drinks in you. As an experiment. -God. You would. Come on, Bruce. I just want to get two drinks in you. As an experiment. Maybe we should just kiss. -Maybe we should just kiss. ... We could try that. -I don't sing very well. Then there's one thing in the world you don't do very well. And I know what it is -- Now you'll have to kill me. -To tell you the truth, I'd just about given up waiting. I said I'd call you the minute I got free. And I did -- And here we are. -I said I'd call you the minute I got free. And I did -- And here we are. Mm-hmm. Lunch. Not even dinner. -All street mimes should be executed. ... Looks like a convention. -I know it's late. I -- Are you there? Yes, Bruce -- I'm here -- -Yes, Bruce -- I'm here -- I'm sorry I had to stand you up today. I'd like to make it up to you. -I'm sorry I had to stand you up today. I'd like to make it up to you. Well, Bruce -- I don't think -- that would be possible. -Well, Bruce -- I don't think -- that would be possible. I realize... the way things have gone between us... ... I wish you'd reconsider. -I realize... the way things have gone between us... ... I wish you'd reconsider. I wish you'd... -Vicki?... This is Batman. I thought I'd call and see how you're doing. ... I know it's you, Bruce. I'm not going to talk to you unless we can discuss it... -... I know it's you, Bruce. I'm not going to talk to you unless we can discuss it... Who's this 'Bruce'? Are you trying to make me jealous? -Who's this 'Bruce'? Are you trying to make me jealous? I'm serious, Bruce. We have to -- ! -So we just pretend none of this ever happened. We never met. We -- -- You're going to get yourself killed, Bruce. You know that, don't you? No one would miss me. -No one would miss me. I don't understand it. You can do so much good for people. As Bruce Wayne. -Money makes money, Vicki. The foundation runs itself -- I'm extraneous to the process. You're one man. You can't save everybody. -You're one man. You can't save everybody. What if I could save a handful? -- What if I could save one? -Bruce, at the rate you're going, you can't even save yourself. Sometimes... I don't know if there's enough of me left to save. -It's like the last time. He sent me a present before he -- Very thoughtful. Don't touch it. -Oh, Bruce. Don't tell me you carry it around with you. I feel naked without it. -"""It worked for Van Gogh. Let's kiss and make up.""" The does it. It's going to be this weekend. -Keep her on the line! ... Where are you calling from? -I'm sorry, she hung up. What are -- Finding out where she is. -Finding out where she is. How can you do that if she's already off the line? -How can you do that if she's already off the line? I've had an automatic tracer on this number ever since he tracked you to the museum. -Got it! What now? -What now? Hang on. I have to leave a message. -All this apparatus, Vicki... This house, and the money, and the power ... It was never mine. It was something I inherited. Bruce Wayne was something I inherited. All I ever hoped for was someone who could see through Bruce -- who could see me -- and not be frightened. I'm frightened of you, Bruce. I'm frightened for you. -I'm frightened of you, Bruce. I'm frightened for you. In all these years... Why couldn't I see how it wold turn out? -I don't know why I'm doing this. I half wish you'd stay a cripple. Ohhhh... You don't mean that. -Ohhhh... You don't mean that. I don't, but... I do. It's just... I love you, Bruce. I don't want you to... -I don't, but... I do. It's just... I love you, Bruce. I don't want you to... Vicki. Do you love half of me? Or all of me? -We'll raid the Ace the moment we get a warrant. He'll be ready when you do. Remember what happened at the apartment. -He'll be ready when you do. Remember what happened at the apartment. All right, Bruce, what do you suggest? -All right, Bruce, what do you suggest? I suggest a nice big bomb. -I suggest a nice big bomb. Good. A bomb. On a blind tip from Bruce Wayne -- We do have laws. -Good. A bomb. On a blind tip from Bruce Wayne -- We do have laws. Then for God's sake, Harvey, cancel the anniversary celebration. -Then for God's sake, Harvey, cancel the anniversary celebration. We've told him we'll deal. What could he possible have to gain by -- -We've told him we'll deal. What could he possible have to gain by -- Do you still think the Joker cares about money?? -Do you still think the Joker cares about money?? I don't know. I'm just a D.A. I don't have access to all you expert sources. -We got 'em! Take 'em! I want his head! -SOMEBODY'S KILLED THE POWER!! WHAT? -WHAT? SOMEBODY'S KILLED THE -- -SOMEBODY'S KILLED THE -- WHAT?? -Boss! Jesus! They've -- They'll be sorry. They'll be sorry. MOVE OUT! -MOVE! Can't you do something?? It's a detour. They're backed up for blocks! -I missed you, Lieutenant. Sorry. We had another bat sighting. -Sorry. We had another bat sighting. Don't let your job interfere with your business. -- Someone's been talking to Harvey Dent. -I'm on top of it. If there's a problem -- Eckhardt... our problems are your problems. -I answer to Grissom, punk. Not to you. Why, Eckhardt. You should be thinking about the future. -Got it all figured, huh? Grissom just sits back and hands you the reins. -- Maybe he don't know what we know. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? About how pretty you are, pretty boy. Maybe he'd like to know -- -Let's beat it, man. I don't like it up here. What are you, scared of heights? -What are you, scared of heights? I dunno, man. After what happened to Johnny Gobs - - -I dunno, man. After what happened to Johnny Gobs - - Look, Johnny Gobs got ripped and walked off a roof, all right? No big loss. -Look, Johnny Gobs got ripped and walked off a roof, all right? No big loss. That ain't what I heard. That ain't what I heard at all. I heard the bat got him. -That ain't what I heard. That ain't what I heard at all. I heard the bat got him. Gimme a break, will you? Shut up. -Gimme a break, will you? Shut up. Five stories, straight down. There was no blood in the body. -Five stories, straight down. There was no blood in the body. No shit. It was all over the pavement. -There was no blood, man. My brother says... all the bad things you done... they come back and haunt you... God! How old are you? There ain't no bat. -My brother's a priest, man. No wonder you're such a chickenshit. Now shut up. There ain't no bat. -You shouldn'ta turned the gun on that kid, man. You shouldn'ta -- Do you want this money or don't you? Now shut up! Shut up -- -"Okay, a break-in. Trash the office, make off with the books ... ""Industrial espionage.""" Very good idea, Jack. In fact -- -- I'd like you to handle this operation personally. -Why do you need me to handle a simple break-in? Because I want someone I can trust. -I understand. Oh, Jack. -- Don't forget your lucky deck. -"It's me. ""Sugar Bumps.""" Jack? Thank God. I can't believe it's you. I heard you'd been -- -Jack? Thank God. I can't believe it's you. I heard you'd been -- "Is that what you ""heard""?" -It's not the girl, Jack. Sooner or later you would've tried to take me. You may get me now, but your life won't be worth a dime. I've died once already. It wasn't so bad -- In fact I recommend it. -Jack, listen -- we'll cut a deal -- JACK? JACK? DO I LOOK LIKE A JACK? -Jack - - please - - WIPE THAT LUNATIC GRIN OFF YOUR FACE. HA! That's the best part. I CAN'T!! -I don't like taking orders from Grissom. And I especially don't like taking orders from Grissom's goon. I've considered that possibility. -I've considered that possibility. And what happens if we say no? -And what happens if we say no? Nobody wants a war, Carmine. If we can't do business, we shake hands and part friends. -Nobody wants a war, Carmine. If we can't do business, we shake hands and part friends. That's it? -That's it? That's it. -Joker here. Can we talk? I'd like to read a prepared statement. 'While this administration remains vehemently opposed to terrorism in any form, we are prepared to negotiate any reasonable demands which will guarantee the safety of the populace.' -I'd like to read a prepared statement. 'While this administration remains vehemently opposed to terrorism in any form, we are prepared to negotiate any reasonable demands which will guarantee the safety of the populace.' Huh. Demands. Well, gents, this is kinda embarrassing, but... I'm having such a swell time, I just haven't thought any up. -All right, then. Here's the deal. Total amnesty... and the sum of ten million dollars, payable in -- Ten million dollars. Ten mi -- YOU CHEAPSKATES! I've just wiped out the stock market. I've cost you billions! I want ten million and one. -Ten million dollars. Ten mi -- YOU CHEAPSKATES! I've just wiped out the stock market. I've cost you billions! I want ten million and one. Please! We'll talk. Just tell us what you expect. -Please! We'll talk. Just tell us what you expect. Goddammit, I expect to be treated like and ARTIST. GET OFF MY SCREEN!! -... Thank you. Unfortunate, but I think we can work around it. -And you want a -- A visual record, yes. A before-and- after kind of thing. This could make your reputation. -Maybe we should start with a portrait of the artist. People might like to see the face behind the makeup. ... Behind the makeup? -I've seen worse. Much worse. Strong stomach, huh? I like that in a woman -- Maybe we can do business after all. -... Why the mask? Alicia! Come here, have a seat. Show Miss Vale why you wear the mask. -You SCUM! You SICK FILTH!... You DID THAT to her! What? I improved her a little... -I'll see you burn. I'll see you dead -- GET AWAY FROM ME!! Miss Vale, was it something I said? Do you want to sniff my flower? -How'd you know it was me? Honey - - I would know any randomly selected square inch of Vicki Vale. If I had a good enough hint. -Burned out. I need a vacation. Too much glamor, huh. What's in the bag - - Monte Carlo? Apes in Kenya? -God, Vick, a girl could get hurt doing this. A girl could get killed - - so they tell me. What's new and hot in Gotham City? -A girl could get killed - - so they tell me. What's new and hot in Gotham City? Oh, it's too good. We got a six-foot bat that swoops out of the night and preys on evildoers. -Oh, it's too good. We got a six-foot bat that swoops out of the night and preys on evildoers. Evildoers, huh? Big or small? -Evildoers, huh? Big or small? Small so far. I think he's leaving the big fish for Harvey Dent. -Small so far. I think he's leaving the big fish for Harvey Dent. Our next D.A. -- I hear Bruce Wayne is throwing a fundraiser. Did you get your invitation yet? -Our next D.A. -- I hear Bruce Wayne is throwing a fundraiser. Did you get your invitation yet? Oh, absolutely. Bruce and I are very close. -No. Well, I'm starving. Will you at least buy me a hamburger? -Man, I feel like Robin Leach. You actually know all these people? Some. I am a rich bitch, remember? I'm quoting. -Where does one man get all this junk? All aver the world. They say he's spent half of his life overseas. -All aver the world. They say he's spent half of his life overseas. Holy shit... -Rich. Reclusive. Bankrolls half a dozen charities. Likes to kill? KNOX Women find him magnetic. -Likes to kill? KNOX Women find him magnetic. I bet they like him for his big charity balls. -I bet they like him for his big charity balls. That, and the sweet smell of two hundred million bucks. -That, and the sweet smell of two hundred million bucks. Well, you know me. The more they've got, the less they're worth. This guy must be the most worthless man in America. -Oh. Sorry. I was thinking. What were you thinking? -What were you thinking? Yum, yum. -Yum, yum. Well, he must like the way he looks. He's got a mirror in every room. -Guess who's got a date with Bruce Wayne? Bruce Wayne? Date? He called you up and asked you for a date? Shit. HEY, MIRANDA! C'MERE! Now pay close attention to this. Miranda -- tell my friend here what you told me about Bruce Wayne. -Peanuts? Yeah. Peanuts. Which is how he goes through women. -Plain or roasted? Alex, I'm very flattered that you've gone out and done all this research. Why? Aw, come on, Vicki, I'm a reporter. I'm curious. I do this for a living. There's a phone. You can call him up and cancel. -Nice snap, huh? Pulitzer Prize, 1963. His face. Allie, look at his face. -Yep. He watched the whole thing happen - - Recognize the beat cop? Jim Gordon Oh, Bruce... -Oh, Bruce... Something like this -- what do you suppose this could drive a guy to? -You are on drugs. Yeah? According to this, he's in Geneva from '76 to '79. Well, I called Geneva. Nobody there's even heard of the guy - - Probably off in Tibet with some kung fu master. -Yeah? According to this, he's in Geneva from '76 to '79. Well, I called Geneva. Nobody there's even heard of the guy - - Probably off in Tibet with some kung fu master. Are they paying you for all this? -Are they paying you for all this? Everybody needs a hobby. You explain it, Vicki. He walks out on his own party. Half an hour later, who turns up? Batman. Sees an execution, freaks out in an alleyway. No place to change. -Everybody needs a hobby. You explain it, Vicki. He walks out on his own party. Half an hour later, who turns up? Batman. Sees an execution, freaks out in an alleyway. No place to change. Allie, I know exactly why you're doing this. -Allie, I know exactly why you're doing this. ... Oh? Why is that, Vicki? -He's best friends with Jim Gordon and Harvey Dent. They would know. ... Okay, then, I have a confession to make. I'm the Batman. -Alexander... I know you. Right. And they know him. And that's why it would never occur to them for a minute that their old buddy Bruce puts on a cape at night and goes out looking for -- -Right. And they know him. And that's why it would never occur to them for a minute that their old buddy Bruce puts on a cape at night and goes out looking for -- I've had it with you. I'm leaving. -I've had it with you. I'm leaving. Bruce Wayne is out of his mind. Next time you call him up and he can't go out Friday night - - think it over. -The guy's bats all right. He's bat shit crazy. He -- -- I can't believe it. I was right!! Allie, he's not. -Allie, he's not. Not what? -Not what? He's not crazy. -Vicki. We got a wealthy millionaire here... who dresses up like a bat. He goes out at night and swings around -- in his cape -- on a rope. CRAZY BAT-STARD! Allie... he wants to tell me. I had a roll of film. His face was on it. He knew that -- And he let me keep. -Allie... he wants to tell me. I had a roll of film. His face was on it. He knew that -- And he let me keep. Jesus, Vicki! Where is it?? -Jesus, Vicki! Where is it?? It's gone. -Couldn't turn down the job, huh? A girl could get hurt this way. Yeah. Deja vu. -Yeah. Deja vu. What do you say? Let's head for the lights. -LOOK! IT'S BRUCE!! Allies -- the balloons. We've got to find some way to tell him! Great. How?? -HOLY SHIT!! You okay? -You okay? Yeah. Yeah. Little winded. DID YOU SEE THAT?! -Yeah. Yeah. Little winded. DID YOU SEE THAT?! God yes, Allie. I've gotta say -- that was the ballsiest move I ever... -God yes, Allie. I've gotta say -- that was the ballsiest move I ever... Holy shit. Holy... -Ahm, well, you know ~ that's a tough question - on one' level I think it .... Don't ask him about work, Charlie. Life's too short. -Jennifer can stay and look after Kevin Sounds great. Excellent. Though-, Ahm... there's this guy who's coming to work at the Gallery, from England... -Sounds great. Excellent. Though-, Ahm... there's this guy who's coming to work at the Gallery, from England... Yeeees? -Yeeees? And they asked me if we'd like to ... you know... put him up for a while. -And they asked me if we'd like to ... you know... put him up for a while. There aren't hotels? -There aren't hotels? Yes, there are hotels. They just thought maybe it'd be nice for him to stay with a real American family. Popcorn, waffles, all that stuff. -Yes, there are hotels. They just thought maybe it'd be nice for him to stay with a real American family. Popcorn, waffles, all that stuff. And what did you say? -And what did you say? I said I'd check with you. -Do we know anything about him? Ahm - he's male. He's English. He's a doctor of er ... at least 2 things. I think they would have mentioned if he was a blind dwarf. Or one of those guys who kills lots of people all the time. I think we're looking at someone moderately normal here. -Ahm - he's male. He's English. He's a doctor of er ... at least 2 things. I think they would have mentioned if he was a blind dwarf. Or one of those guys who kills lots of people all the time. I think we're looking at someone moderately normal here. David - are you ever going to learn to say 'no'? -David - are you ever going to learn to say 'no'? Yes. Yes. Sometime. -It's the last thing we need. "That's exactly what I said ... before I said - Great, it's a sensational idea.""" -Scottish. Tom Jones? -Well, they're kind of busy but it doesn't look like ... Did you really ask? -Did you really ask? I'm not sure I got the right person but they were a bit busy ... -I'm not sure I got the right person but they were a bit busy ... What's wrong with you, David? All you have to do is say, Excuse me, I've been sitting here since the start of the Millennium and I'd really like some action from you before the end of the world. I'll go. -It isn't working any more, David. I know - I'11 take it in to George tomorrow'- he'll fix it. Stupid thing. -Jesus. I need some time, David. A little time. It's not just you. It's partly me. -Go ahead. I had the last strawberry in the refrigerator. -There were three strawberries. One. -Liar. 0h Ali we can work this thing out, you know. -Ali? What's wrong? Your face smells like a foot. -Shut up, Kevin. Honey, you-re not making sense ... It's okay. There's no one out here. Just open the door. Trust me. -Okay. It's not a problem... Let's just sit ... I'11 talk to the gallery ... David, I'm serious! -David, I'm serious! I know you are. Very serious ... most of the time these days. -I know you are. Very serious ... most of the time these days. Now what does that mean? My daughter wakes up with a strange man in her bed, and I'm supposed to think it's amusing? That tie's God-awful. Why do you wear it? -Hi, Hi..... Roses. -Hi..... Roses. "Yes. And I have a wine for dinner that will kill you." -"Yes. And I have a wine for dinner that will kill you." Great. You said you'd ask Grierson about putting our guest somewhere else. Did you? -Great. You said you'd ask Grierson about putting our guest somewhere else. Did you? Sort of half..... -Sort of half..... Meaning? -Meaning? I was sort of half way through the sentence in which I would have asked him when it suddenly seemed like a mistake. -I was sort of half way through the sentence in which I would have asked him when it suddenly seemed like a mistake. Honestly David, you're so spineless. -At least you didn't bring Mr Bean with you. Ah, well .... CUT TO: -0 my god. Sorry, honey - he just happened to tag along. -Sorry, honey - he just happened to tag along. Nothing ever really changes, does it, David? -Let's get a coffee. Yes. Great. Kevin, I'11 send Bean in to keep you company. -Everything's gonna be fine. About Charles... -shhh... It was nothing. We're not ... He just makes me laugh. When was the last time we laughed? Any of us? -It was nothing. We're not ... He just makes me laugh. When was the last time we laughed? Any of us? I know... I know. I've been an arsehole of spectacular proportions. Olympic standard. -Maybe I ought to think about getting another job. Good idea - with a boss who's a really ugly son-of-a-bitch. -Here, let me do that. No, I'm fine. -He's not too bad. I can live with him. I'm afraid you don't know the half of it. Sit down. I have a tale to tell. And not a happy one. -Two dollars please. Annie, it's me. -Annie, it's me. Oh, right, yeah. two dollars please. -Oh, right, yeah. two dollars please. No, Annie, no. This is Doctor Bean. He's going to be working with us. -He doesn't like to say much does he? Right first time. -Right first time. I can understand THAT. Neither do I. -Excuse me. Mr Grierson called down. He's ready to see you upstairs. Thanks, Annie. -Goodnight Annie. Night. -Big day today, huh? 78 Uh ... yes ... -David. There's a call for you. It's your wife. Great. Classic timing. Why don't you ask her just to leave a date for the divorce? I'll check my diary later. -Ah, Mr Bean ... Excuse me. -Better go. Grierson hates people being late. Yes. Ahm... think I'11 ... -Seems to be a problem with the door. Where's the picture gone? Ahm..... -Ahm..... What? What? -Oh Jesus. Oh God. Oh Jesus God. Oh Mary Mother of Jesus. Oh Jesus of Nazareth. oh dear. -oh dear. What happened?!!! -What happened?!!! Ahm.... . -Oh yes. Whistler was a great painter, but he wasn't a great chooser of paints .... -It wasn't a dream, was it. I have to go in to work and tell them Whistler's Mother now looks like Danny De Vito. Well, Ahm.... -It's very good Bernie. But the particular glory of the system... is that it can also work oh large screens in each individual room - so we can network the program to every room in the gallery. -I was hoping DU. Bean might take a look at my computer project today. Yes. I'11 mention it to him. But ... he's kind of his own guy, you know? -Yes. I'11 mention it to him. But ... he's kind of his own guy, you know? Howls he getting on with the family? -Howls he getting on with the family? Ah. Fine. It's good. It's great. -And howls Alison? She's ... well, she's good. -She's ... well, she's good. Saw her at the movies the other night with that boss of hers. Nice guy. Good looking. -Saw her at the movies the other night with that boss of hers. Nice guy. Good looking. Yes, isn't he. -Yes, isn't he. It's great when people who work together can become real friends. -It's great when people who work together can become real friends. Isn't it? -Look, I've left Bean on his own. Nice to chat though Bernie - always a subtle joy. Thanks, David. Always a pleasure. -'Emergency measures, in your book means sack people right? Not necessarily. That's where this ... comes in. No, I've had a better idea than sacking people. You'll hear soon enough. -Great day. At last we can start getting out of debt and concentrating on the future. Yes, look, I wanted to talk to you about this. I'm sure we haven't been doing as badly as all that. -Yes, look, I wanted to talk to you about this. I'm sure we haven't been doing as badly as all that. You're an innocent and an optimist David - that's why I love you. . Jesus - what a terrible tie- Come on, the Governor's coming at 3. And before then I have a little surprise for you and the Boss. -Everything okay, David? Yes. Ahm. I was just wondering where my English house guest had got to. -Yes. Ahm. I was just wondering where my English house guest had got to. He's just parking the Governor's car. -He's just parking the Governor's car. Great - keep him out of trouble. -Look at all this - publicity expenditure ... catering ... all completely fictional ... back as far as June 93 ... I don't think you really understand what you're looking at ... -Lord Walton assures me this guy's one of the very top scholars in the English art world. Has a couple of doctorates no less. Great news. -So ... I'm wondering if one of you would have this guy stay in your home instead of some expensive hotel. Love to, sir, but no can do. No spare room. Period. -Love to, sir, but no can do. No spare room. Period. David? -We'll be able to start this afternoon. I'11 pipe the guide to every video screen in the gallery. Now, that'll impress the Governor. Well, bravo! What with you and Whistler's Ma - I think I've got a winning team. -What a pleasure, Governor Reynolds. I'd like you to meet some of our staff here. . And that's where you introduce me to the Governor. -And that's where you introduce me to the Governor. Right. Got it. -This is Elmer, our longest serving... Hey. Let's junk the medals, Elmer. This is not a Veterans' reunion. We wanna make the Governor feel at home. Not remind him of piles of dead people wearing uniforms. -Okay, that'll do. The Governor's here in half an hour. We have to be totally ready then. No excuses. Period! Thank you Bernie. Well done. Now, If you'll excuse - I have a little smartening up to do myself. -He's a man with a plan who will haul us into profitability and the 21st century. Thank you, sir. Although, I'm afraid I don't quite see how we can ... -Thank you, sir. Although, I'm afraid I don't quite see how we can ... Good point Bernie - precisely the kind of perceptive interjection I'd expect from my new V.P. How can we, you ask, survive without Whistler's Mother - our single greatest asset? Well, the truth is - we can't. So what am I saying? Will we find her again? Never - this robber was clearly the work of a criminal of great genius. -Say that again, son. I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? I said say that again, son - because the next time you do, I'll make sure you're in there with my daughter, but in a slightly less healthy state and she's in a coma with a broken arm right now. -I said say that again, son - because the next time you do, I'll make sure you're in there with my daughter, but in a slightly less healthy state and she's in a coma with a broken arm right now. I'm er ... sorry if you've been waiting a long time. -I'm er ... sorry if you've been waiting a long time. We have. In fact, we've been sitting here since the start of the Millennium and I'd really like some action from you before the end of the world. -So, why not haul your ... nice little ass into this room and explain to me and my wife why our precious daughter is going to be absolutely fine because of all the fantastic intelligence and attention you are going to give her case. Okay, sir. Certainly. Good. -Oh, look, I mean, it's kind of the last thing... I mean, I'd really like to, but... things at home are kind of sensitive, so I couldn't really er ... I thought perhaps as Vice-President, and in view of the unfortunate attendance's for the summer show this year... the MASSIVE financial LOSS ... -I thought perhaps as Vice-President, and in view of the unfortunate attendance's for the summer show this year... the MASSIVE financial LOSS ... on the other hand ... maybe a breath of fresh air is just what my family needs ... Yes. Great news. Fabulous. Triumphant. Course it might need a little smoothing over. When's he due? -Tomorrow. You have a problem with that? No. Perfect. Looking forward to it. CUT TO: -Ah, David. Finally. And this must be our professor from across the sea. Yes, this is Doctor Bean. -Ah... He certainly has something, sir. Very pleased you've taken him in, David. At a time when no-one's job is safe, it really identifies you as a team player. -Very pleased you've taken him in, David. At a time when no-one's job is safe, it really identifies you as a team player. Yes, although, I really..... thank you. Yes, it's great to have him with us. The whole family's very excited. -Yes, although, I really..... thank you. Yes, it's great to have him with us. The whole family's very excited. Glad to hear it. Tell poor Mr Larson to come through, will you? -Glad to hear it. Tell poor Mr Larson to come through, will you? You're not going to .... -You're not going to .... Sack him? David, what else can I do? This business is not, repeat, not breaking even. And David ... notice anything this morning? -No! Er ... pray tell me why? -The thing is, sir, I've just been giving the painting a very thorough inspection, with the help of Dr Bean here - and we feel the time's come for Whistler's Mum to have her first face-lift. Time taken its toll on the old girl, eh? -Time taken its toll on the old girl, eh? Exactly. She's in a surprisingly terrible state. Isn't she, Bean? -Thank you David. However, flattery will get you nowhere. Truth is, I have a rather different plan for Whistler's dear Mama. Bernie and I have been inspecting our books - and the long and short of it is, we cannot survive with our current losses, so ... ... you have to sack me. I understand, sir. I'll go quietly. In fact I'll go right now. -... you have to sack me. I understand, sir. I'll go quietly. In fact I'll go right now. No. no, no, hold on ... We cant sustain our loses - so I've decided.. to sell Whistler's Mother. -Brilliant, huh? I already have a prospective buyer - the current Governor of California, no less, who is flies in tomorrow to inspect her and clinch the deal. Spread the news. I think decisive leadership has done the trick, don't you? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Congratulations. Marvellous thing. Bravo. -I think you're wrong, David. She looks as fine as she's ever looked. Worth every cent of the 10 million dollar-s. Ahm.... -Ahm.... Bravo. Let's put on a good show tomorrow, shall we? Don't want anything to go wrong. -Bravo. Let's put on a good show tomorrow, shall we? Don't want anything to go wrong. Quite right, sir. -Well, congratulations. Isn't that great, David? Certainly is. -David, David, David ... I'm fired? Because I let a... copy of a painting the get stolen? -I'm fired? Because I let a... copy of a painting the get stolen? Of course not. I'm sacking you for neglectful conduct, relating to the heavy financial loss this gallery has incurred, through your recent lack of professional judgement. A loss I trust Bernie will be able to reverse. -I owe you a very serious apology, young man. It wouldn't surprise me if you wanted to leave us after this. I sincerely hope that you do not. VERY ACCOMMODATING Well, no, sir, I'm sure ... -Of course. And a car. -And a car. Mmmmm... -Maybe two cars. A car sounds sensible. -A car sounds sensible. And I need Fridays off, to spend more time with my family. Speaking of which - if you'll excuse me .... I've got a lot of time to make up. -Oh come on - the guy's going to be a creep. All Englishmen are ugly. What makes you say that? -What makes you say that? All the guys they claim are English to and good-looking like Dan Day- Lewis and Liam Neeson, turn out to be Irish. Even Anthony Hopkins is welsh. Prince Charles is so ugly they pay him two million bucks a year to stay indoors. -All the guys they claim are English to and good-looking like Dan Day- Lewis and Liam Neeson, turn out to be Irish. Even Anthony Hopkins is welsh. Prince Charles is so ugly they pay him two million bucks a year to stay indoors. Richard Burton was very good-looking. -Richard Burton was very good-looking. Welsh. -Welsh. Sean Connery. -Welsh again. Okay, so the guy's gonna look like Meatloaf's backside. No-one's asking you to go to bed with him. -Honey, calm down now... it's okay... There's a man. I woke up next to a man ... -Jen - you don't wanna talk about it? It's you and Mom that need to talk. -It's you and Mom that need to talk. Sure. You're right. -Bye, Dad. Ah ... Jennifer, I need you to watch Kevin. Jen? -As you can see, security's pretty tight in this section. Nobody gets past Elmer here. Isn't that right? Not in one piece anyway. I see Mrs Whistler as kind of ... like my own dear mother. I'd kill any man that tried to interfere with her. The Vice President here will vouch for that. -You've known me five years Elmer. When do you get to calling me David? "Not my place, sir. It would only be a matter of time before I'm calling you Dave. Then where would we be? By next year, you're my Sweety-Pie"" and I'm ""Coochie-Coo"". I'11 be back in 15." -You arrange those flowers yourself? Sure did. -Sure did. They're pretty. Learn it in the army? -They're pretty. Learn it in the army? No - but when you've torn out a man's throat with your bare hands, you learn to appreciate the beautiful things in life. -Hiya Dad ~ I'll need you upstairs for homework in about .... oh, 20 minutes. Great, good. -Who do you think is the ugliest guy who ever lived. Well, Michael Bolton's pretty grisly. -Well, Michael Bolton's pretty grisly. I vote for Bart. -He was incredible. This guy is fearless. He has no fear. That's one - way of looking at it. You might also say this guy is brainless he has no brain'. -That's one - way of looking at it. You might also say this guy is brainless he has no brain'. Well, there is that ... -Well, there is that ... I'11 give you a chance... Know anything about computers? -Hey, En, nice bike'- but remember: any kids you have are gonna look just like its handsome driver. Jennifer! This is not - repeat, not! how we do things in this family. I've told you never to get on one of those death traps! Please - talk to me. I promise to be reasonable. -Is Jenny gonna be okay? She was wearing a helmet. It could have been worse. -She was wearing a helmet. It could have been worse. But is she gonna be okay? -But is she gonna be okay? How the hell should I know? -... in the distant future. Bye, Bean. Thanks for everything. And take care, huh? I know it's insane, but I'm going to miss you. -Doctor Jacobson? Yes? -Yes? We need you urgently in C Theatre. -We need you urgently in C Theatre. Damn. I was just going to Number 4 .... -Damn. I was just going to Number 4 .... It is urgent, sir. -It is urgent, sir. Okay..... -what a pleasure, Governor. Welcome. Hi, Grierson, forgive the war paint. Going on To my regiment/s reunion after. -Hi, Grierson, forgive the war paint. Going on To my regiment/s reunion after. Not at all, Governor. Very striking. -Interesting suit. Why thank you sir. -Why thank you sir. off the peg? -off the peg? Yes it is ... may I introduce you To Bern ... -I've known soldiers who've had their heads blown off who were more intelligent than you two. Not only have you failed to protect your most valuable possession from theft - but you didn't even know it'd been stolen! I'd sooner buy heroin from the guy who sells drugs outside my grandson's school than anything from you guys. I am sorry you feel that way. -I am sorry you feel that way. And I'm sorry you look that way, short-ass. That suit stinks and you obviously dye your hair. -Shut up, Kevin. NO, seriously - I know he's your boyfriend, but there's something about his upper lip that is so weird. What do you think it is, Dad? Jen says it's a moustache, I say it's a cluster of about 11 mosquitoes, resting. -NO, seriously - I know he's your boyfriend, but there's something about his upper lip that is so weird. What do you think it is, Dad? Jen says it's a moustache, I say it's a cluster of about 11 mosquitoes, resting. You know the thing I hate most about children? -You know the thing I hate most about children? Nope. -Nope. You. -"I wish I could use that at school. ""Hey, Teach, no hard feelings ... It's just things between us ain't what they used to be and I need a little space, ya know? So I'11 see you around in a couple of years, maybe""." It's a kind of an interesting swap. Mom for the Man from Ga Ga. -You know, Mr. Bean's okay. You're not gonna kick him out, are you, Dad? Of course he is. -Of course he is. Are you? -Come on Sting! Sting?! Sounds like something you put on a rash. -Dammit, Beavis, I was about to score. Huh huh. Yeah, but check it out. It's gone! -Yeah, but check it out. It's gone! What's gone? -What's gone? The TV. -Whoa! I think I just figured something out Beavis. What? -What? This sucks. -This sucks. Yeah, heh heh. -Huh huh huh. That was cool. Yeah, heh heh. Let's just wheel this thing back to the house. -"Huh huh huh. He said ""anus.""" Entert-ain...us...an-us...Oh yeah! Heh heh. Anus. Heh heh. -What a dork. Huh huh. Yeah, heh heh. He's a anus. Heh heh. -Huh huh huh. That was cool. No it wasn't! -No it wasn't! Uh,...Oh yeah. -Whoa, check it out Beavis. I didn't know Anderson had a Camper. Yeah, heh heh. Maybe it has a TV. Heh heh. TV. -Nnnnooo. Oooooh nooooo. What's your problem Beavis? -What's your problem Beavis? I need TV now! Now! NNNNDAMMIT!!! -Huh huh huh. That was cool. Dammit! I need a TV now! We're missing everything! -Actually, we just wanna watch TV... Shut up Beavis! Uh, yeah. We'll do your wife. -Shut up Beavis! Uh, yeah. We'll do your wife. Nnnnaah...We need to watch TV DAMMIT!!! -Beavis, you butt-munch, this guy wants us to score with his wife. And he's gonna pay us. We can buy a new TV. Oh, heh heh really? Cool. Heh heh. -Oh, heh heh really? Cool. Heh heh. Uh, huh huh... We'll do it, sir. -We're gonna get paid to score. Yeah, heh heh, and then we're gonna get a big-screen TV! Heh heh. -Yeah, heh heh, and then we're gonna get a big-screen TV! Heh heh. Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives. Huh huh huh. -Wait, I wanted her to do it. Huh huh. Soon, she will be mine. -Dammit! Huh huh. That chick wants me. Aggghg! We're gonna die! We're all gonna die! -Uh, huh huh, this is Las Vegas? Yeah, heh heh. I thought there'd be casinos and lights and stuff. -Hey Butt-Head, why's that guy holding a sign? Uh... maybe he's blind... Huh huh, check this out. -Uh, B...A...U... No, uh, V... Uh... Buuuuut. Boot. Someone named boot. -Uh... Buuuuut. Boot. Someone named boot. Huh huh. This says Beavis. -Huh huh. This says Beavis. And Boot-Head. -And Boot-Head. That's Butt-Head. Don't you get it, Beavis. These dudes have the same name as us. -That's Butt-Head. Don't you get it, Beavis. These dudes have the same name as us. Yeah, we should party. -Beavis. This is what it's all about. Heh heh. Yeah. -Ow! These chips suck. What a rip-off. Come on. We gotta find that chick. -Huh huh huh huh huh huh. Uh... Uh... -Huh huh huh. That chick was talking about doing it. Heh heh. This is the best night of our lives. -Uh... Hey baby. Are we like, doing it? Me first? -Huh huh huh. I'm ready for love. Me first! Me first! -So, uh, huh huh. Are we gonna score now? Me first! -Me first! Forget it, bunghole! -Ow, let go, Butt-Head! Huh huh huh. -Me first. Huh huh. No way, dude. -This is it, Beavis. Huh huh. We're finally gonna score. Heh heh. Thank God. -No way butt-hole! I want the window. Cut it out butt-hole! -Heh heh. We're in Washington! Huh huh. We're gonna score now. -Damn, huh huh. Yeah, heh heh. Damn right! -So, like, where is she? Yeah, really. -This is dumb, let's find that chick. Yeah, heh heh, enough'a this crap. -Check it out Butt-Head, TV! Cool! Huh huh huh. -Beavis, huh huh, what'er you doing? My butt's bothering me! -My butt's bothering me! You should kick your butt's ass. Huh huh huh. -Dammit, all they have is shows about water. That sucks. Heh heh. They need some shows about fire! Change the channel. -That sucks. Heh heh. They need some shows about fire! Change the channel. Uh... -That was boring. Huh huh. Yeah, it's just the same thing over and over again. -Yeah, it's just the same thing over and over again. Uh... We can't leave Washington 'till we find that chick. -Ow! Cut it out Butt-Head. Huh huh. Get out of the way, Beavis, I wanna sit by the window. Huh huh. -Huh huh. Get out of the way, Beavis, I wanna sit by the window. Huh huh. Ow! I'll kick your butt! -Ow! I'll kick your butt! Huh huh. You mean like this? -That's not that much. Yeah really. Let's get outta here Beavis. Huh huh huh. This sucks. -Uh... Is this the right bus? You mean there's mre than one? -Huh huh huh. Hey Beavis. We're on a bus with chicks. Heh hmm heh heh. -Check it out Butt-Head, porta-potties. Cool, huh huh. -Hey, where'd those chicks go? Uh... I think you scared them off. -Uh... I think you scared them off. This sucks. What are we doing here? Weren't we suppost'a go to Washington and score or something? -This sucks. It's all hot and stuff. This desert is stupid. They need to put a drinking fountain out here. -This desert is stupid. They need to put a drinking fountain out here. Yeah or like a Seven-Eleven or something... Are we almost there? -Yeah or like a Seven-Eleven or something... Are we almost there? Uh, probably like, another five minutes or something. -Uh... Dammit!!!! Dammit!!!! -Hey Butt-Head, isn't there supposed to be like, water in cactuses? Uh... -Hey Butt-Head, are we gonna die? Uh, probably, huh huh...Whoa, I think my life is like, flashing in front of my eyes! -Whoa, my life is cool! Uh... I think I'm seeing something too. It's like a really long time ago... -Hey Butt-Head, I'm starting to feel weird. I think I'm freaking out. Huh? Huh huh. -Huh? Huh huh. Whoa, this is cool! Heh heh. It's like, everything looks all weird and... -Uh... Huh huh. I have a couple. Butt cheeks, huh huh huh. Yeah! Boobs. Heh heh. I just wanna say that again. Boobs. Heh heh. -Hey Butt-Head, look. A jack. Heh heh. Huh huh. Jack. Huh huh. -Uh, you first. C'mon, Beavis, just start running really fast when you hit the ground. It'll work. -C'mon, Beavis, just start running really fast when you hit the ground. It'll work. Okay. I'll go right after you. -Hey Butt-Head it's that chick! Uh, oh yeah. Cool. They can take us to Washington and we can finally score. -Yeah, heh heh. Umm, isn't Seattle in Washington? Heh heh... 'cuz I was thinking maybe we could go see Hole. Yeah. We can go see Hole and then we can get some hole. Huh huh huh huh. -Well where is she?! Could you, like, tell her we're ready to score? -Uh... Attention, attention! We're looking for that chick with the big boobs. Heh heh. We wanna do her now! -Huh huh huh. Settle down Beavis. Oh yeah,...I mean no. NO! I won't settle down! Not this time!... -Heh heh. Fire. Heh heh Aaaaeeehhhhg!!! What's your problem Beavis? -I always thought there was something wrong with him. Heh heh heh. Yeah, he had a lot of problems. Huh huh huh. -Yeah, he had a lot of problems. Huh huh huh. Yeah, and um, he used to hit me too. -Yeah, and um, he used to hit me too. Uh hey, does anyone wanna see my unit? -You hear that, Beavis! We're gonna get alcohol, tobacco and guns! Yeah, maybe some chicks too. Heh heh. -Cigarettes and beer rule! Huh huh. Yeah! We're with the bureau of cigarettes and chicks! We're gonna score! -Uh... bye-bye. Heh heh. Bye bye. Heh heh. -Hey Butt-Head, do you think we're ever gonna score? Uh, I probably will, but not you. You're too much of a butt-monkey. Huh huh. -Uh, I probably will, but not you. You're too much of a butt-monkey. Huh huh. Shut up, dill-hole. -Shut up, dill-hole. Butt-dumpling... -Butt-dumpling... Turd-burglar... -Turd-burglar... Dill-wad... -Dill-wad... Bunghole... -Bunghole... Butt-snatch... -Butt-snatch... Um, uh, butt... um, hole. Butt-hole... -Um, uh, butt... um, hole. Butt-hole... Uh... dill, um, face... -Uh... dill, um, face... Um... ass... head... -Um... ass... head... Uh... butt-snatch... -Uh... butt-snatch... You already said that, Butt-Head. -You already said that, Butt-Head. Oh, uh, I mean, uh, ass-goblin... -Aaaah. TeeeVeeeee, heh heh. Yer late. -Beavis. That's alright. I'd rather not know your real names anyways. I'm Muddy. Look, I'm gonna get right to the point. I'll pay you ten grand plus expenses, all payable after you do her... -Yeah, heh heh. Boooooiiiing!!! Just make sure it looks like an accident... -Just make sure it looks like an accident... Yeah, heh heh. I think I just had an accident. Heh heh hmm heh hmm heh. -Yeah, heh heh. I think I just had an accident. Heh heh hmm heh hmm heh. Huh huh. You guys are funny. Let's have a drink on it. -Oh yeah. Can you just take us to Washington? We're gonna meet her there and, you know, heh heh hmmm... Washington! That's where she was gonna meet up with ya? Damn, she's goin' all the way! -Hello there. Are you two heading for Las Vegas? Yeah, we're gonna score. -Yeah, we're gonna score. I hope to score big there myself. I'm mostly going to be doing the slots. -I hope to score big there myself. I'm mostly going to be doing the slots. Yeah, I'm hoping to do some sluts too. Heh heh. Do they have lots of sluts in Las Vegas? -Yeah, I'm hoping to do some sluts too. Heh heh. Do they have lots of sluts in Las Vegas? Oh, there are so many slots you won't know where to begin. -Oh, there are so many slots you won't know where to begin. Whoa! heh heh. Hey Butt-Head, this chick is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas! Heh heh heh. -Yeah, heh heh. I'm gonna have money, and a big-screen TV and sluts everywhere! Oh, that's nice. -I'm probably going to make out with her first before we, you know, get down... You'll have to speak up son. I have this ringing in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations. I've had two operations on my heart. -You'll have to speak up son. I have this ringing in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations. I've had two operations on my heart. Really? I poop too much. -Really? I poop too much. Oh, maybe you're lactose intolerant. -Oh, maybe you're lactose intolerant. Uh... No, I poop too much. Then I get tired. -Uh... No, I poop too much. Then I get tired. Well, if you find yourself getting tired, take a couple of these. -They perk me right up. Heh heh, thanks. -Hey, Butt-Head, it's that slut from the plane! Why it's you two. How'd ya do in Vegas? -Why it's you two. How'd ya do in Vegas? Uh, we didn't score yet. -Uh, we didn't score yet. Sorry to hear that. Me, I took a beating. -Does that say Xanax? Um, um, yeah, probably. Heh heh. -This is Agent Flemming, A.T.F.. We won't hurt you. We just want the unit. Tell us where the unit is. Do you have T.P.? T.P. for my bunghole? -Do you have T.P.? T.P. for my bunghole? We'll get you whatever you want. Get that other kid. We might need him. -We'll get you whatever you want. Get that other kid. We might need him. Do you have any oleo? Heh heh. -You must bow down to the Almighty Bunghole. Heh heh, this is cool. Bungholio-o-o-o-o-o! He's jerkin' us off. I think we're gonna have to take him out. Get ready to fire on my orders... This is your last chance. Give us the unit now... -He's jerkin' us off. I think we're gonna have to take him out. Get ready to fire on my orders... This is your last chance. Give us the unit now... Why does everyone wanna see my schlong? I am the one-and-only-almighty-bungholiooo! -Why does everyone wanna see my schlong? I am the one-and-only-almighty-bungholiooo! OK boys. Get ready to fire on the count of three. I'm gonna give you three seconds... -...Two... ...o-o-o-eieee-ooooeeeooooo... -...o-o-o-eieee-ooooeeeooooo... Thrr... -We got nothing, Chief. We tore the place apart. We can only legally hold her for another couple of hours. Dammit! Where's that damn unit??!! -Talk ta me, Bork. Chief, we found a witness that says he saw two teenagers leaving Dallas' room shortly before we arrived. -Chief, we found a witness that says he saw two teenagers leaving Dallas' room shortly before we arrived. Did you give him a full cavity search? -Did you give him a full cavity search? Ah, the witness? -Ah, the witness? Yes. You can never be too careful Bork. -Yes. You can never be too careful Bork. Well sir, I didn't really think it was necessary. You see we have a picture of them from the elevator security cam. Here, have a look. -They look like a couple of kids chief. Bork, don't you realize what kids today are capable of? Don't you read the papers? -You see what I see, Bork? I see it. I don't get it. -I see it. I don't get it. You got half the state looking for ya - how do you get away? -You got half the state looking for ya - how do you get away? Cut the power! -Cut the power! Damn right. Bork, we're dealing with real pros here. My opinion, terrorists... What's the scoop on that stolen unit? -Damn right. Bork, we're dealing with real pros here. My opinion, terrorists... What's the scoop on that stolen unit? Well, sir it's not good. Roll the tape... The X-5 unit is a new top-secret biological weapon, a manmade virus... -Jesus Jumped-Up Christ! If this were to fall into the wrong hands... It gets worse. The unit wasn't finished. It has a flaw - the casing. If hit hard enough, it could break open, releasing the virus. -Cavity search...? Deep and hard. -Chief, you know that guy whose camper they were whacking off in? Bork! You are a federal agent. You represent the United States Government... Never end a sentence with a preposition. Try again. -Bork! You are a federal agent. You represent the United States Government... Never end a sentence with a preposition. Try again. Oh, ah... You know that guy in whose camper they... I mean that guy off in whose camper they were whacking? -Oh, ah... You know that guy in whose camper they... I mean that guy off in whose camper they were whacking? That's better. Yes? -That's better. Yes? We've run a sample through the National Criminal Sperm Bank and come up with two possible genetic matches for a father. -Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher. Where did these guys come from? -What the hell...? Bork! That bus we picked up. Where was it headin'? D.C., Chief. -D.C., Chief. Jesus jumped-up... Bork, can you imagine what would happen if they set that thing off in our nation's capital, or even worse, if they sold it to some damned foreigner at that conference. Well, it's not gonna happen! -Okay, boys and girls, our suspects are on a tour bus we believe to be headed for... the White House! Jumpin' Jesus! I want everyone there. Our people. Locals. Orders are shoot to kill. Repeat! Shoot to kill! Chief, I swear, we tore that bus apart. They couldn't have... -Chief, I swear, we tore that bus apart. They couldn't have... Bork, when this is all over, remind me to make you an appointment with Agent Hurley. -Not on him, Chief. Agent Hurley... -Say chief, isn't that guy whose camper,...I mean, off in whose... Not now Bork. -We just cleared all four floors. No sign of him. Damn! Where the hell is he? We should've found him by now. -Chief, look! Attention all units. We've got him. He's in front of a camper in the visitor's lot. -OK, nobody shoot. He could still have the unit on him. Keep your distance. We don't wanna take a chance on hitting it. Where are his pants? -Where are his pants? Who knows? -Well, Earl said you guys were young, but jeez... Oh well, as long as you can get the job done. So what are your names? Uh, Butt-Head. -Do her? Huh huh. That's right. I'm offering you ten grand plus expenses to do my wife. We gotta deal? -Here she is. Her name's Dallas. She ain't as sweet as she looks. She stole everything from me. Ya gotta watch out, 'cause she'll do you twice as fast as you'd do her. Whoa, huh huh. Cool. -She's holed up in a hotel room in Las Veags. Your flight leaves in a couple of hours. Now c'mon, I'll drive you to the airport. Holed up. Huh huh huh. Holed. -One more thing. Mah wife's got this leather satchel. It's black, about this big. I need ya to bring it back. It's real important. Sentimental value... Any questions so far? Uh, yeah. Does she have big hooters? -Uh, yeah. Does she have big hooters? She sure does. -She sure does. This is gonna be cool! Huh huh huh. -Ah'm gonna blow you both to hell! Cool, huh huh. Hey Beavis that's that dude that's paying us to do his wife. -Cool. Huh huh huh. It's so nice to meet young men who are so well mannered. -Cool, huh huh huh. That's why I'm bussing it across America. I'm so glad you're here. Jim, I want you to meet two nice boys. -This is Travis and Bob... What's your last name, dear? Uh... Head? huh huh. My first name's Butt. Huh huh huh. -Meet Sylvia. And Elloise and Sam. And Ed. And Doreen. Are you guys sluts too? Huh huh huh. -Whoa, this kicks ass! Huh huh huh. Yoo-hoo! Travis and Bob Head. Whoo-hoo! -Uh, hey. One of you kids got a match? Uh, my butt and your...uh, butt. -You were a roadie for Motley Crue? Yup. Huh huh. -Really? That's where we're from. Well, then you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, here's the story. I scored with these two chicks. True story. -Well, then you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, here's the story. I scored with these two chicks. True story. You scored with two chicks?! -You scored with two chicks?! Yeah, they were sluts. Huh huh huh. -Shut up, dumb-ass! You didn't score. I scored with both of them... Uh, do you think these two sluts still live in Highland? That would be cool. -Uh, do you think these two sluts still live in Highland? That would be cool. Hey, you wanna see something really cool? Huh huh huh. -You got two seconds! Uh, huh huh. Is that gonna be enough time? -Who sent ya? Uh, huh huh, this fat dude. He said we could do you. And he was gonna pay us. -Uh, huh huh, this fat dude. He said we could do you. And he was gonna pay us. Muddy! Sonofabitch! Hold it. What's he payin' ya? -Muddy! Sonofabitch! Hold it. What's he payin' ya? Uh, ten uh... -Uh, ten uh... Ten grand? That cheap-ass... I got a better deal for ya. I'll double it. I'll pay ya twenty if you go back there and do mah husband. -Ten grand? That cheap-ass... I got a better deal for ya. I'll double it. I'll pay ya twenty if you go back there and do mah husband. Uh, you want us to do a guy? Huh huh. No way. -Maybe I am three-eighty-five if you carry a second lien! I can arrange the most creative financing in the six states of New England. No, Jane. -No, Jane. You'll be rich! -You'll be rich! We're rich in what really matters. -We're rich in what really matters. Adam my booyy! When you're really rich in what matters... ... nothing matters! My buyer has just made a killing in condos in the Village. And he's got a little stress problem... ... so his wife says they want the old peace and quiet! -Adam my booyy! When you're really rich in what matters... ... nothing matters! My buyer has just made a killing in condos in the Village. And he's got a little stress problem... ... so his wife says they want the old peace and quiet! So do I, Jane. I'm on vacation. -So do I, Jane. I'm on vacation. Does that mean you'd consider it in two weeks? You don't have to answer now. He wants me to check the deed restriction anyway. You take your vacation, Adam. Say 'bye! -Get away you little monster. I will never sell this house. I'll be buried in my yard next to Barbara. Holding hands! And a good paintbrush! -She's ready. Oh, Adam, the model looks so good. The Historical Society will love it. You've finished the streets? -Oh, Adam, the model looks so good. The Historical Society will love it. You've finished the streets? Almost. -Manchurian Tung oil? Where did you get it? Helen got it for me in Oslo. -Helen got it for me in Oslo. God... Manchurian Tung oil? There's enough to refinish the gateleg table and the cherry wardrobe! -Yeah, I want to get one coat on the wardrobe and then I'll help you. Oh, honey, I'm so glad we're spending our vacation at home. -Oh, honey, I'm so glad we're spending our vacation at home. God, how I have looked forward to this, honey. -Oh no. It's your turn, darling. -Jane said we should sell the house to someone with a family. Ah, the ever-tactful Jane. Let's just relax about having children. -We should be flattered that she wants to sell our house. I know... I just wish she'd leave us alone. -I know... I just wish she'd leave us alone. Let's not think about it. We'll have a nice romantic, quiet, vacation. Here comes the bridge chorus. -Wave at the lion. Don't forget the balls, Ernie. -Don't forget the balls, Ernie. Adam! -Adam, your Bozman Building is a beauty. Yeah it turned out okay. We applied for a National Historical plaque for it. That'll be the third one on Main Street. -Yeah it turned out okay. We applied for a National Historical plaque for it. That'll be the third one on Main Street. You're doing it, Adam. You're saving this town. -You're doing it, Adam. You're saving this town. Slow down there, honey... I don't want the vibration to weaken the model. -Slow down there, honey... I don't want the vibration to weaken the model. Oh... I'm sorry... -This fire wasn't burning when we left the house. How's your arm? -How's your arm? I'm not sure. It feels... frozen. -You'd better sit down, hon. I am sitting. -I am sitting. I'll tell you what, Barbara. I don't think we survived that crash. -I'll tell you what, Barbara. I don't think we survived that crash. Oh, Adam. We're home. In our own house. Nonsense. I'll make some coffee. You get some more firewood. -You saved my -- uh -- life... or whatever... something. Two hours. -Two hours. What? -What? That's how long you were gone. -That's how long you were gone. ... Hmmm? -Anything happen while I was away? Yes it did. Yes it did. I made a couple of small discoveries. Here's one. -Handbook for the recently diseased. Deceased. I don't know where it came from. -Deceased. I don't know where it came from. Look at the publisher. Handbook for the Recently Deceased Press. -I don't think we survived the crash. This is going to take some time. -I don't like situations like this. I hate it when I'm not in control. So just tell me the basics. This book isn't arranged that way. What do you want to know? -This book isn't arranged that way. What do you want to know? There are a thousand things... Why did you disappear when you walked off the front porch? Is this a punishment? Are we halfway to heaven or are we halfway to hell? And how long is this going to last? -There are a thousand things... Why did you disappear when you walked off the front porch? Is this a punishment? Are we halfway to heaven or are we halfway to hell? And how long is this going to last? I don't see anything about 'Rewards and Punishments' or 'Heaven and Hell.' This book reads like stereo instructions! Listen to this... 'Geographical and Temporal Perimeters... Functional perimeters vary from manifestation to manifestation.' This is going to take some time. -Cabin fever, hon? I can't clean anything. The vacuum is out in the garage. I can't leave the house. Why don't they tell us something? Where are all the other dead people in the world? Why is it just you and me? -I can't clean anything. The vacuum is out in the garage. I can't leave the house. Why don't they tell us something? Where are all the other dead people in the world? Why is it just you and me? Maybe this is heaven. -Maybe this is heaven. In heaven there wouldn't be dust on the wallpaper. -In heaven there wouldn't be dust on the wallpaper. Hon... I didn't want to die, but really, this is fine with me. As long as I never have to wash dishes again. -Hon... I didn't want to die, but really, this is fine with me. As long as I never have to wash dishes again. Dishes? We haven't eaten in three weeks! Adam, I'm not like you, I really need to be around people, get out to the church and go grocery shopping. -Dishes? We haven't eaten in three weeks! Adam, I'm not like you, I really need to be around people, get out to the church and go grocery shopping. But I'm not hungry, are you? -God, it's Jane Butterfield! What's she doing here? -What's she doing here? I don't know. Jane, Jane, up here! -She can't see you, right? In the book, Rule Number Two: the living usually won't see the dead. Won't? Or can't? -Won't? Or can't? Just says 'won't.' Wait a minute. Here it says 'the living are arrogant... they think they'll never die, so they refuse to see the dead.' -Just says 'won't.' Wait a minute. Here it says 'the living are arrogant... they think they'll never die, so they refuse to see the dead.' Arrogant. That's Jane Butterfield all right... -Arrogant. That's Jane Butterfield all right... At least we won't have to worry about her. -I guess... if I'm going to be dead, I'll just have to be the best dead person ever! That's my girl! -Adam, we are in hell. I hate these people. They make gypsies look good. -They make gypsies look good. Is this a punishment for something we did in life? What can we do? -Is this a punishment for something we did in life? What can we do? I don't know if there's anything we can do. -I don't know if there's anything we can do. We're not completely helpless. I've been reading the book. There's a word for people in our predicament, honey. -Oh, honey, we may need that. No, I'm not putting up with this. -Barbara, honey! Don't go out there. You don't know -- Whatever it is it can't be worse than this. -Oh, Adam, don't ever leave me alone. You left me. -You left me. I know. I'm sorry. -We're trapped in this house forever... with those... people. You can't say that for sure. It could be a transitional thing. Like a post-life crisis. We just have to be tougher with them. Come on. Have some brandy. Spirits, get it? -You can't say that for sure. It could be a transitional thing. Like a post-life crisis. We just have to be tougher with them. Come on. Have some brandy. Spirits, get it? Death didn't improve your sense of humor. -Look in the index... maybe there's, like an emergency number or something. Not really... what's this? -That's it? No number, or instructions? Nothing. The bio buster? I don't get it... -That little girl saw us. She couldn't have. We can't make them see us. -She couldn't have. We can't make them see us. But she saw us. I could feel it. -But she saw us. I could feel it. That's all we need. -There's nothing we can do. It's just a matter of time before they unlock this room. There goes my model. There goes our last refuge. We're not going to wait here like cornered animals. I can tell you that. We need help. I'm going to talk to that little girl. -We're not going to wait here like cornered animals. I can tell you that. We need help. I'm going to talk to that little girl. What about this Beetle guy? -What about this Beetle guy? We don't know who he is... ... I'm going to talk to that little girl. -We don't know who he is... ... I'm going to talk to that little girl. Are you crazy? She can't hear you. -Are you crazy? She can't hear you. I don't know... what are you looking up? -I don't know... what are you looking up? We need some help. I found something this morning. Here. Emergencies. 'In case of emergency, draw door.' -We need some help. I found something this morning. Here. Emergencies. 'In case of emergency, draw door.' Draw door? I don't know why we keep looking in that stupid book. -Yet another triumph for Adam and Barbara in the afterlife. Wait. -... Not what I expected when we walked through that door. No. But it's somewhere without big worms. -My God, we're back where we started. Look at this, everything is different down here. All our furniture is gone. -Look at this, everything is different down here. All our furniture is gone. How long do you suppose we were waiting? -We'd like some help in getting rid of the people who moved in here. Barbara and I worked very hard on this house. We probably wouldn't mind sharing the house with people who were -- -That guy is in our cemetery. Oh, Adam. Look, she's right. We'll just start simple, honey, be tougher. I feel... confident. C'mon. -God, this is so corny. Have we been reduced to this? Sheets? Think of them as death shrouds. And the moaning is important. Really moan! Practice, practice, practice. -I feel really stupid. It's not stupid. We're ghosts. Do you want this woman for breakfast for 125 years? Moan louder! -Well, I don't know... We don't get many visitors. Where are your skulls and bones? -Where are your skulls and bones? You know you're really a pretty girl. -Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her. She's got photos, Barbara. -She's got photos, Barbara. Adam, you had a photo of Big Foot! -Adam, you had a photo of Big Foot! This is different. Eventually she'll take someone to the attic. And then what? We've got to try to contact this guy Betelmyer. We gotta get some help, hon. -Did you copy these gravestones right, Adam? Of course I did. -Of course I did. Then it should be here. -Here's something. I didn't do that one... Hmmm. -I didn't do that one... Hmmm. ... Yes this must be him. Look... Betelgeuse... Betelgeuse... -Go ahead... third time's a charm. Betelgeuse! -What happened? Three times. Powerful number. -Three times. Powerful number. Bet... el... geuse. What an awful name. I thought it was like -- you know. The juice of beetles. -Has anything been simple so far? From the look of the shovel, we dig. Oh, Adam. I don't have gloves. My nails keep getting longer. I'll break them. -I guess we open it. Maybe we should knock first? -She's only fourteen... ... acts like she's thirty-five. -Honey. Let's go. Go? What d'ya mean? We need help. -Go? What d'ya mean? We need help. No, we don't. We can work something out ourselves. We just have to try harder. -Honey, I think that was a mistake. I am not going to expose that little girl to that... pervert down there. -I am not going to expose that little girl to that... pervert down there. But we let him out. -But we let him out. I don't care, I've changed my mind. ... I feel really confident. We're getting better at this stuff. We can scare them off ourselves -- tonight! I've got an idea. You're going to love it... I'm going to hate it. -And your sushi was remarkable. The sushi? I did the wine. Didn't you do the sushi? -The sushi? I did the wine. Didn't you do the sushi? N... No, I just did the Ink Spots. -N... No, I just did the Ink Spots. Who did the sushi? -Maybe they'll leave now. That snake was a pretty nasty customer. He might have hurt somebody. -He might have hurt somebody. But he didn't. We've got him where we want him. -Adam! Why did you build a whorehouse? Have you ever been to...? I didn't -- -Lydia, believe me... we know... all the hard stuff is the same over here. You're going to be who you are... whether you're alive or dead ... and over here -- it's... It's flat... there's no food, no colors ... you can't smell the flowers. If we knew then what we know now we'd have been more careful... ... we wouldn't have had our little accident. -You know, I've been thinking. I could teach Lydia to sew. Little black party dresses? -Little black party dresses? Ah, Adam, you don't know anything about little girls. She's just... missed out on some love, that's all... -Ah, Adam, you don't know anything about little girls. She's just... missed out on some love, that's all... Let's see if she can get my model back. -Let's see if she can get my model back. You can build another one... with her. -We've been given a gift here, honey. A real live little girl. She likes us a lot. She needs us. Maybe that's why we died so young, to keep us from getting so... attached to things. The house, antiques, your model. Look at us. We didn't have room for anyone. What makes you think she likes me? -What...? Just a hunch. -What time is it? 3:30 I guess. -3:30 I guess. Give or take a year. -Oh, Adam, don't tease her. You never got an A in science in your life! All right. -A... Are you the guys who're hiding out in the attic? We're ghosts. -Aren't you scared? I'm not scared of Ralph Lauren. Those are sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus? -I'm not scared of Ralph Lauren. Those are sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus? What? -What? Night of the Living Dead? It's this gross movie. -You can actually see us? Without the sheets? Is this like a trick question? -Nobody else can. I'm wearing contacts... Also I read through Handbook for the Recently Deceased. It says that live people ignore the strange and unusual... not me... I am strange and unusual. -Why are you creeping around Delia's bedroom? We were trying to scare your mother. -We were trying to scare your mother. Stepmother. I'm very sensitive about being related to reptiles. -You did this? You carved all these little figures and houses and things? I certainly did. I'd finish it too, but... I don't get out much. -I certainly did. I'd finish it too, but... I don't get out much. And this used to be your house, I bet. Why do you want to scare everybody? -And this used to be your house, I bet. Why do you want to scare everybody? We want to frighten you away. So that you'll move out. -We want to frighten you away. So that you'll move out. You don't know the Deetzes very well, do you? My father bought this place. He never walks away from equity. Why don't you leave? -We weren't there. The handbook says funerals aren't for the dead. God, if this is true this is like, amazing! I kinda like it up here. Can I visit you sometimes? -You tell them that we are desperate horrible ghoulish creatures who will stop at nothing to get back our house. Wait a minute. I had some licorice ice cream earlier. You guys could be gas. What if... I'm dreaming. Can you do any neat tricks to prove you're not gas? -What is going on? Really. I don't know. -Did you get the paint? I got it. And I took pictures of the new church for you, too. -We studied all day yesterday. Don't tell me... I got an A! -So can I? Uh-uh. Only if you got above a C on science. -Uh-uh. Only if you got above a C on science. Oh puh-leeze! -You don't have an appointment, do you? W... We didn't know how to make one. -Nine months? What difference does that make? Good luck. You're going to use up all your help vouchers. -Good luck. You're going to use up all your help vouchers. Help vouchers? -Help vouchers? D-90's. You spend a hundred and twenty-five years on earth, actually, in that house, during which you get only three class- one D-90 intercessions with Juno. You probably haven't even read through the manual completely yet. -Wait for who? For Juno, your caseworker. Not that it matters to your type. But there are all these other people here ahead of you. I'd say three hours. -Aren't you dead? Hell no! I'm rolling. I'm a businessman. I'm the man what am. Beeetel Jooose! Who do I gotta kill? -Hell no! I'm rolling. I'm a businessman. I'm the man what am. Beeetel Jooose! Who do I gotta kill? You don't kill anyone. -So you, the dead, want me, the undead, to throw the live guys -- Mommie, Daddy and Lolita, who might not mind a tumble with an older guy, out into the cold? Even though they have paid hard casharoonie for your dump? But... the Deetzes are destroying our house. -But... the Deetzes are destroying our house. You Maitlands are the backbone of the afterlife. So what's my cut? -You Maitlands are the backbone of the afterlife. So what's my cut? Can you scare them off? -Okay. But that Betelgeuse sure seemed mad. Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go! -This is my town. You wish! I nearly scored with that little blonde. I need me a short little queen. -Barbara?!! Now, let's get rolling! -Are you available? No. What's wrong? -Hell is other people. You obviously don't read much. Besides things seem pretty quiet here. You should thank God you didn't die in Italy. The Deetzes. Okay. Have you been studying the manual? We tried. -We tried. The Intermediate Interface chapter on Haunting says it all. Get 'em out yourself. It's your house. Haunted houses don't come easy. -I heard. Tore your face right off! Bad news. It obviously doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can't see you. We have to start simpler, is that it? -We have to start simpler, is that it? Start simply. Do what you know. Use your talents. Practice. We only help those who help themselves. Just do a little at a time. And of course, practice, practice, practice. It's tricky but -- you weren't murderers by any chance, were you? -Don't say his name! Just practice. Do it yourself! And if we need you again, how do we...? -Handbook? When...? Never trust the living! We cannot have a routine haunting like yours provide incontrovertible visual proof of existence beyond death. -Never trust the living! We cannot have a routine haunting like yours provide incontrovertible visual proof of existence beyond death. Well, we didn't know -- -Yes... or no? Do you want the Deetzes out or in? Out. -All right. Who are you? We're... -We're... You're the dead. -Just get some people out of our house. Bio-busting. I loves bio-busting. Who do I gotta kill? Family -- right? Obnoxious I bet. Mommie, daddy, piglets. -Bio-busting. I loves bio-busting. Who do I gotta kill? Family -- right? Obnoxious I bet. Mommie, daddy, piglets. Just one daughter. -Just one daughter. Hey you've been on Saturn! I hate those sandworms! Yecchhh! I've lost a lot of buddies to sandworms. So a daughter? She got good legs? God I love a young leg. -Folks, be reasonable here. I'm at your service. You be the judge. I'm a harmless guy. Try me. Home. Home. Home! -I don't like Charles Deetz particularly, but you could have killed him. Hey, I've been in a frigging bottle for six hundred years. I was out. Every dog has his day. This is my town. I need a night to howl. -You lilly-livered bleeding hearts! I'm so sorry we frightened you. What were you doing? -I'd nearly given up on you. I was about to leave. I do have other clients. Are you Juno, our case worker? -Are you Juno, our case worker? Yes. I evaluate individual cases and determine if help is needed, deserved, and available. -Yes. I evaluate individual cases and determine if help is needed, deserved, and available. We need help. We deserve help. -We're very unhappy. What do you expect? You're dead. --- Like you used to be? Yes. -No. Pity. Murderers seem to have an easy time of it. Just look at Amityville. He was one of my boys. Didn't have to give that one any lessons. From day one... But I must be off ... I've got a planeload of football players crashed in the midwest... they need a lot of help, just with the basics. -If... we have trouble. What about the guy in the flyer? Betelge... No. You don't want his help. -No, you don't! He does not work well with others. What do you mean? What's he do? -What do you mean? What's he do? He's a freelance bio-exorcist. Claims to get rid of the living. But he's a troublemaker. He's pushy. He's been sleazing around that cemetery for 500 years. -He's a freelance bio-exorcist. Claims to get rid of the living. But he's a troublemaker. He's pushy. He's been sleazing around that cemetery for 500 years. Our cemetery? -Our cemetery? Yeah. He still tries popping up all over the place. But he can't join the party unless you call on him. Get the Deetzes out by yourselves! I gotta go. -The whorehouse was my idea. I want Betelgeuse out of the picture! We've got some serious talking to do. About what? -About what? You people have really screwed up! I received word that you allowed yourselves to be photographed. And you let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back, and you let Otho get ahold of the handbook. -What about Betelgeuse? Forget him. He'll remain with his whores until someone calls him. You need to worry about people like Otho. There are a lot of phony trance mediums. They usually can't make the formulas work, but if Otho stumbles on the right words in that handbook... he could hurt you. As in -- exorcism. -If I had seen a ghost at your age, I would have been frightened out of my wits. You're not gross. Why were you wearing a sheet? -You're not gross. Why were you wearing a sheet? We're practicing. -Tell the truth. I always tell the truth. Of course I can see you. -We can't. We haven't left the house since the funeral. Funeral. God, you guys really are dead! What was it like? The funeral. Did you cry? -I don't wear that stuff to bed. Besides, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm getting out of here. Wait... I don't think it would be a very good idea if you told your parents that we're up here. -I hate you! I can't trust anybody! No, wait! -He said if I let him out he would take me over to the other side to find you. No, Lydia, we're dead. -No, Lydia, we're dead. I want to be dead too. -I want to be dead too. No you don't! No... Lydia... Why? -No you don't! No... Lydia... Why? Life is just... too awful. -So, never let Beetle Juice out. Never. Besides... We're thinking about letting everyone stay... You and your father and mother can stay too. Step... mother. -How'd you do on the science test? It was gross. They wanted me to dissect a frog. I told them no way. I said it was against my religion. I got a C. -Hi, Barb! I'm glad I caught you. I heard you were on vacation! That's right, Jane. Complete vacation. -That's right, Jane. Complete vacation. Honey -- today I am three hundred fifty thousand dollars! -Honey -- today I am three hundred fifty thousand dollars! No! Jane, it is 6:45 in the morning! -No! Jane, it is 6:45 in the morning! Look at me, think of me as cash! This offer is really real! From a rich man in New York City who only saw a photograph! -Look at me, think of me as cash! This offer is really real! From a rich man in New York City who only saw a photograph! Jane, don't send photographs of our house around the country! We're not interested in selling. -Jane, don't send photographs of our house around the country! We're not interested in selling. You could double the size of your hardware store! You'll be rich. -You could double the size of your hardware store! You'll be rich. And live in what, our station wagon? -And live in what, our station wagon? Barbara Maitland, sweetie, you just listen now. This house is too big. It really ought to be for a couple with a family. -Oh, honey... I didn't mean anything ... it's just too big for you two. I know these things. 'Bye, Jane, I'll see you in church in a couple weeks. -Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? I've come for the last time. Where are you? Barb... They're dead. -Cookie, they are dead, dead, deadski. Of course they're dead. They're ghosts. -Of course they're dead. They're ghosts. No, I mean they've gone. Decamped. Split. Vanished. -No, I mean they've gone. Decamped. Split. Vanished. Where'd they go? -Where'd they go? The happy hunting ground. Who cares? -The happy hunting ground. Who cares? Are you a spirit too? -Are you a spirit too? Sort of. High spirit. Heh heh. Listen, cookie, I've been trapped in this burg for hundreds of years. All I want is to get out. -Sort of. High spirit. Heh heh. Listen, cookie, I've been trapped in this burg for hundreds of years. All I want is to get out. I want to get in. -I want to get in. You do? Over here? On my side? -You do? Over here? On my side? I think so. -I think so. Well, yes, of course. It's great over here. You'll meet all the greats. James Dean. Buddy Holly. 'The little things a you say and do... make me want to be with you-a-hoo.' -Well, yes, of course. It's great over here. You'll meet all the greats. James Dean. Buddy Holly. 'The little things a you say and do... make me want to be with you-a-hoo.' Well, it can't be any worse than my life here. -Well, it can't be any worse than my life here. That's right. They treat you like scum I bet? -That's right. They treat you like scum I bet? Yeah. -Yeah. I can't help you from this side, but here's how we do it. So simple. Say my name three times. That's all. I'll be all yours. Then I'll bring you over here in style. -I can't help you from this side, but here's how we do it. So simple. Say my name three times. That's all. I'll be all yours. Then I'll bring you over here in style. I... I don't know what your name is. -I... I don't know what your name is. Minor problem. The rules. I can't tell it to you. But... do you know how to play charades? -Minor problem. The rules. I can't tell it to you. But... do you know how to play charades? Yes. -Yes. Of course you do. -Three syllables. No, dummy. Two. -No, dummy. Two. Your fingers are so small I can't see them. First word -- two syllables. -I don't know what that signal means. It means look behind you, bimbo. -Beetle! Good girrrl! -Breakfast beetle? Beetle? Beetle fruit? Fruit bat? Fruit battle? Volkswagen? Fruit wagon? Good thing you are beautiful, kid. You are dumb! -I am not! Beetle... Juice? That's it! -That's it! Your name is Beetle Juice? Yecch! That's as bad as Deeelia Deeetz. -Your name is Beetle Juice? Yecch! That's as bad as Deeelia Deeetz. It's spelled different, but basically... Now you said it twice; just one more time, and I'll be free. And then you'll be free. -God, you're anatomically correct! Just say it. -Just say it. You were the snake! Right? I know. I saw you. -You were the snake! Right? I know. I saw you. You've got to say it! -You've got to say it! No I don't. I don't take orders from smurfs. -No I don't. I don't take orders from smurfs. How'd you like to have the biggest boobs in the world? Right now. I can do it if I get out. -How'd you like to have the biggest boobs in the world? Right now. I can do it if I get out. They'd look silly on me. I'm fourteen years old! -They'd look silly on me. I'm fourteen years old! How'd you like to be married to... the King...? -So... You're ready for me now? You've got to help them. -You've got to help them. Can you help me? -Can you help me? ... I will. -... I will. Then I'll help them. For a price. -Your qu...? But you're... I'm beeyoo-teeful. -Yes, of course you are. Well, Otho had an intuition. Call it a hunch -- that it was going to be a fabled monstrosity of a house. And it certainly is. Charles, you're lucky the Yuppies are buying condos, so you can afford what I'm going to have to do to this place. We are talking from the ground ups'ville! That's fine, Otho. Just keep me out of it. I am here to relax and clip coupons. And goddamnit, I mean to do it. -Otho, you've got to help me get Maxie Dean up here. I have a deal that could make all of us very comfortable. He's a cloven-hooved beast! -He's a cloven-hooved beast! He's your cousin. -He's your cousin. I am ashamed to say he is. Look, nothing short of giving away free sacks of money would get him up here, Charles. And Sarah? Forget it. You can't get her out of Bergdorf's with plastic explosives. -Otho? It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry. -It's Otho! Otho, why didn't you just come in the door? -I can't believe that we're eating Cantonese. Is there no Szechuan up here? Hunan? There's only one Chinese restaurant in town, darling, the owners are Irish and Irish people happen to cook Cantonese. They don't know better. -Lydia, at your age, you are so young. Charles, we need to call that awful Jane Butterfield tomorrow and get the key to the attic door. Can't you find a way to hold back some of her commission? We're going to have a lot to do tomorrow... The Goodwill truck is coming, and whatever is up there in that attic goes away with it. Should have it fumigated too. I saw a fly today. -I feel like we've been at war, Charles. At least insofar as we have our first casualty. Me. -At least insofar as we have our first casualty. Me. Otho'll know what to do. -Otho'll know what to do. What's he going to do? Viciously rearrange their environment? -What's he going to do? Viciously rearrange their environment? Otho knows as much about the supernatural as he knows about interior decoration. -Otho knows as much about the supernatural as he knows about interior decoration. Let's hope he knows how to produce those damn ghosts for Max and Sarah... Because I've bought options on property all over town. I need Max's financing... -Let's hope he knows how to produce those damn ghosts for Max and Sarah... Because I've bought options on property all over town. I need Max's financing... Just don't tell Lydia. -Just don't tell Lydia. Why not? -Why not? I think she's in with them. -They're probably guilty about what they did to me. Not these people! They are ruthless! -What do you think, honey? Delia hates it. -Lydia, relax. We'll build you a darkroom in the basement. My whole life is a darkroom! One ... big... dark... room. -Yeah, maybe if he's nice, he'll let me hang myself from a rope in his barn. Lydia, we're the first trickle! In a couple of years this whole town will be filled with people like us. -Where is your mother? Stepmother. She's out torturing the movers. -Stepmother. She's out torturing the movers. Lydia. Try to be civil. I'm going to see if I can set up a noise-free zone in the study. -I was just trying to open the door. Mrs. Butterfield brought over a skeleton key. Let me have it. -Skeleton keys never work. Anyway, this can wait. We'll get a crowbar later. Your mother... Stepmother. -Stepmother. ... asked you for something, didn't she? I'm going down to relax. I want a noise-free zone. Do you understand? Noise free. -What? I'm lonely. -Darling, can't you see I'm relaxing in here! Well I just wanted to tell you what I saw. -Well I just wanted to tell you what I saw. Lydia. What the hell is the point of my moving up here if you people won't let me relax? Go help your mother. -Dad. Do you believe me? Yes. Except when you creep around in your mother's -- -Yes. Except when you creep around in your mother's -- Stepmother's... -Stepmother's... ... sheets. -... sheets. Well this is... I mean, this is the weirdest -- -Well this is... I mean, this is the weirdest -- Lydia, I don't know what it is with you and these pratical jokes, but -- -Lydia, I don't know what it is with you and these pratical jokes, but -- This is not a joke! That sheet was full of ghosts. -The attic room is locked -- They're ghosts. They do what they want. -Answer your mother. Listen, you guys. These ghosts are really nice people. I think we scared them off. Let's just leave them alone. Okay? -Look at all that parking! Come on. Leave their stuff alone. -Now, let's get back to business. I want to get Maxie Dean and Sarah up here immediately. I can make history here! I'm going to turn this sleepy little backward town into a leading supernatural research center... and amusement park. I cannot believe this. -I cannot believe this. Delia will cook... -I'll bring the wine... and the business plan. And Lydia you'll bring the ghosts. I can't bring the ghosts. They're not here! -I can't bring the ghosts. They're not here! Otho, could you actually... do something with them? -They're... not here anymore. Nonsense, everytime she says that, the paint peels, and some wild creature tries to kill us. -Not a building! That's the beauty of it. I think I can buy the whole town. These people don't know the value of their property! Then we own a whole town full of nowhere. -Then we own a whole town full of nowhere. No, no, c'mon, Max, you know me. I've got plans. You gotta come up here and see, then I'll tell you about it. -Just a minute, Maxie. Somebody... No listen... we'll talk about this visiting later, I gotta go, I gotta meeting on the Japanese joint venture. -No listen... we'll talk about this visiting later, I gotta go, I gotta meeting on the Japanese joint venture. Great idea, Maxie! Those Japanese could run it for us. Build them a dormitory in the woods. Listen, think right about it, will you? We've almost got the house ready, you bring Sarah with you and I'll show you. -Great idea, Maxie! Those Japanese could run it for us. Build them a dormitory in the woods. Listen, think right about it, will you? We've almost got the house ready, you bring Sarah with you and I'll show you. Yeah yeah, we'll think on it. 'Bye ya, Charles. You relax up there, ya hear? -I don't care from guilt. I just want to see them. Otho, can you do it? -Are they suffering? They're already dead. They can't feel a thing. -I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food. This is our first meal in this house, Lydia. Why don't we all do our little private parts to make it a pleasant one? -We'll be the art center of summer New York. I'll teach those phony gallery creeps to refuse my sculpture. And when Otho and I get through with this house, you people are not going to recognize it. I say let's keep it the way it is. -You jerks! That is my art, and it is dangerous! You think I want to die like that? Lydia. Moving is a family affair. So buckle down now and go get Mommy some drugs. Any particular kind? -Any particular kind? Joke! Joke! Aspirin! It doesn't matter what brand. -I can't believe you are doing this to me! Ghosts. I am giving a dinner party for seven people tonight. Otho has agreed to come back for the demolition of the attic. My agent, Bernard, is bringing some woman who writes for Architectural Digest. In fact, no one here tonight has not been in Vanity Fair. Except you. I told them you were too mean to be afraid. -I told them you were too mean to be afraid. Don't you dare talk to others about me. I'm an artist! The only thing that scares me is being embarrassed in front of my friends. Do you know how hard it is to get civilized people to set foot in this part of Connecticut? Not a solitary word of this pubescent tripe to anyone. -Don't you dare. I saw some ghosts. -Lydia tried to play a most amusing joke on me this afternoon. It wasn't a joke. -It wasn't a joke. Tried to convince me that this house is haunted. Kids. Kids. Kids! I love them. -I think the reason is they were trying to scare you, and you didn't get scared -- Of course we weren't scared. Just a little startled. One of those sushi dropped down my Kamali. -All right, you dead people! Come on out, or we'll break down this door and drag you out on the ropes you hanged yourself with! Shhhh. They didn't commit suicide. -Shhhh. They didn't commit suicide. It doesn't matter. What matters is I've got a roomful of guests down there, who think I'm a fraud. I am going to teach you something here Lydia. You've got to take the right tone in things like this, or people -- whether they're dead or alive -- people will walk all over you. Come on out, or I will make death so miserable that you will wish you had never lived! -Lydia, I will never forgive you for embarrassing me in front of my social inferiors. You help us with these ghosts or you'll be sorry. I'm sorry already. -That was the single most unattractive window treatment I have ever seen in the entire of my existence. I'm so glad you could leave the city to consult me, Otho. -Is the rest of the house as bad as this? The rest of the house is probably worse. When can you and I get started? -The rest of the house is probably worse. When can you and I get started? No time like the present, as my wicked stepmother used to say. -What's wrong? I thought I saw something. -Okay? You read my mind! I love clients who can read my mind. I don't think people realize how strong a connection there is between interior decoration and the supernatural. -You read my mind! I love clients who can read my mind. I don't think people realize how strong a connection there is between interior decoration and the supernatural. I know... I read your book, The Haunted Tapestries of the Waldorf. -I know... I read your book, The Haunted Tapestries of the Waldorf. Gooood! -What do you think? Viridian? -Viridian? Viridian? What is...? -Blue-green! Hydrated chromic oxide! Remember I'm schooled in chemistry. I was a hair analyst! Briefly. Interior design is a science, Delia! Think of me as Doctor Otho. And this patient is truly sick! Of course, her favorite color! How beautiful! -Oh my God! I know! We just have to pray that the other closets are bigger than this one. -Otho, I cannot live with these cheap domestic floor tiles. Be brave! Otho take care! Onward! -Is there much more of this torture? That's Charles' study. But you don't have to even look in there. He'll love whatever you do to it. He's such a sheep. -That's Charles' study. But you don't have to even look in there. He'll love whatever you do to it. He's such a sheep. Oh, as long as we're here... -'I' will tell you what is boring. Once you cover up the wallpaper, knock down a few walls, alter the traffic patterns, and -- perhaps -- only perhaps -- think about an inground pool -- the place might just be livable. What's on the third floor? Attic space. -Attic space. Let's see. We could turn that into a media room. -You don't have a key? Maybe Charles does. -Maybe Charles does. I have a feeling there's some very interesting space behind this door. -I have a feeling there's some very interesting space behind this door. Probably the world's largest Reader's Digest collection! C'mon, let's have some chablis, Otho, I'm laid bare by this experience. Entirely bare. -Now, Lydia... Favor us about your ghosts. No! Do not encourage this little... person. -No! Do not encourage this little... person. Oh, Delia, lighten up! -Oh, Delia, lighten up! She's been without therapy up here and I will not allow her to ruin... -It does indicate a marvelously urbane sense of humor on the part of these ghosts -- that they actually appear in sheets! We're dealing with Tracy and Hepburn here, a very sophisticated pair. We must protect them, treat them with respect, nurture them. -Look at that detail! Look at the tiny figures. -Are they still here, Otho? Oh, they're still here. They're Just not showing up. -What's happening to them? I don't know. -Well there's a Little Deetz at least. Boy, when you city people do something, you do it right, don't you? What happened to the people who used to live here? -Is this the key to the attic? That's a skeleton key. It'll open any door in that house. Will you give it to your father? And you might mention that I single-handedly decorated the house. In case he needs advice in that area. Come see me. -Are we going to be seeing you at Miss Shannon's Boarding School? Yes, but I'm going to live at home. -Yes, but I'm going to live at home. Remind me to talk to your mother about the dress code. I'm sure you're going to be very happy there. -Hellooo! How's school? It's okay. How's the dirt business? -It's okay. How's the dirt business? Well, I just placed a call to your mother. She had stepped out but I have some news for her. -It's bad luck. And I believe hugely in luck. Hold your breath and we'll pull. -Otho, that's terrible. My sentiments exactly. Porcelain is for teeth! -They don't want to come down. Why not? -All presences have a home space. A place where they live, so to speak. Where do they hide out? The attic. -Perhaps if I were properly motivated. That's slavery and murder. You don't know these people. They're just like you and me. They're nice people! -Wait a minute! What am I worried about? Otho, you can't even change a tire! I'll need something personal of theirs. -Their wedding clothes. Their wedding clothes. -Adam! Adam! As flies the lizard Serpent fell; As goblin vizard, At the spell Of pale wizard, Sinks to hell; The buried, dead, and slain... Rise again. -The injection will ease the pain and swelling, Mr. Gardiner. I understand. I've seen it done before. -I understand. I've seen it done before. Now, you'll barely feel this. It won't hurt at all. -You were wrong, it did hurt. But not for long... -It's good that there was no apparent damage to the bone. Yes. I think so, too. -Yes. I think so, too. However, with injuries such as this, I have run into minor hemorrhaging, which really isn't too serious at the time, but can cause secondary problems if not looked after. -However, with injuries such as this, I have run into minor hemorrhaging, which really isn't too serious at the time, but can cause secondary problems if not looked after. I see. -You can pull your trousers up, now. Oh, fine. -Oh, fine. Just to take the proper precautions, Mr. Gardiner, I'd recommend we take you downstairs and X-ray your leg. ... By the way, Mr. Gardiner, I would like to ask you something straight out. -Just to take the proper precautions, Mr. Gardiner, I'd recommend we take you downstairs and X-ray your leg. ... By the way, Mr. Gardiner, I would like to ask you something straight out. ... Straight out? -... Straight out? Yes. Are you planning on making any sort of claim against the Rand's? -Yes. Are you planning on making any sort of claim against the Rand's? Claim...? ... Oh, claim, that's what Thomas asked me. -Claim...? ... Oh, claim, that's what Thomas asked me. Thomas? Who's Thomas? -Thomas? Who's Thomas? Thomas Franklin, an attorney. -Thomas Franklin, an attorney. An attorney? -An attorney? Yes. -Yes. Then you wish to handle this matter through your attorneys? -Then you wish to handle this matter through your attorneys? There's no need for a claim, the garden is a healthy one. -There's no need for a claim, the garden is a healthy one. Oh, I see... ... Well, then... You're a very funny man, Mr. Gardiner. You caught me off guard, I must admit... -Oh, I see... ... Well, then... You're a very funny man, Mr. Gardiner. You caught me off guard, I must admit... Thank you. -Thank you. Good, keep your weight off that leg, Mr. Gardiner. In fact, it would be best if you could stay here for a day or two, if that would be would be possible. Since Benjamin became ill we have our own hospital downstairs. I can promise you the finest in care, unless, of course, you would prefer to go elsewhere. -Good, keep your weight off that leg, Mr. Gardiner. In fact, it would be best if you could stay here for a day or two, if that would be would be possible. Since Benjamin became ill we have our own hospital downstairs. I can promise you the finest in care, unless, of course, you would prefer to go elsewhere. Yes, I could stay here. Thank you. -Yes, I could stay here. Thank you. Fine. Would you like me to speak to your personal physician? -Fine. Would you like me to speak to your personal physician? No. -I'll send Wilson up to take you for X-rays, Mr. Gardiner. Feel free to use the telephone, and please let me know if you have any discomfort. Yes, I will. -... And please call me Robert. Yes, Robert. I will. -Chauncey, there you are. What are you doing on that leg? It's fine today, Robert. -It's fine today, Robert. Shame on you, Chauncey - you should let me be the judge of that. Please, sit in the chair. -I swear, Chauncey, between you and Benjamin, I've got my hands full... ... Say, that is coming along, the swelling has gone down considerably... ... Any pain here? Yes, Robert. But it's not bad. -... Benjamin has been hounding me to allow him to address the annual meeting of his Financial Institute today, but obviously, the strain would be impossible... How about here, Chauncey, any soreness? Hardly any, Robert. -... Were you going somewhere? No, Robert. -No, Robert. ... Oh. ... My God, I only wish that Benjamin had your recuperative powers... Anyway, the President offered to sit in for Ben at the meeting, quite a nice gesture, I felt. He's due here soon, I believe. -... Oh. ... My God, I only wish that Benjamin had your recuperative powers... Anyway, the President offered to sit in for Ben at the meeting, quite a nice gesture, I felt. He's due here soon, I believe. Yes, Robert. I know about the President. -Yes, Robert. I know about the President. ... Oh? You've heard? -... Oh? You've heard? Yes. Ben called me. He wants me to meet the President. -Yes. Ben called me. He wants me to meet the President. He does, does he? -He does, does he? Yes, Ben told me to be in his room at ten o'clock. -Yes, Ben told me to be in his room at ten o'clock. Why, that's terrific, Chauncey. -Why, that's terrific, Chauncey. How do I know when it's ten o'clock? -... It's five of, you'd best get on in there. Thank you, Robert. -I would like to walk today. Hell yes - walk. You're meeting the President, aren't you? -Hell yes - walk. You're meeting the President, aren't you? Oh, really? -... He's gone, Chauncey. Yes, Robert. I have seen it before. It happens to old people. -Yes, Robert. I have seen it before. It happens to old people. Yes, I suppose that's true. -Will you be leaving now, Robert? In a day or two, yes. -In a day or two, yes. Eve is going to stay. The house will not be closed. -Eve is going to stay. The house will not be closed. ... You've become quite a close friend of Eve's - haven't you Mr... ... Chance...? -... You've become quite a close friend of Eve's - haven't you Mr... ... Chance...? Yes. I love Eve very much. -Yes. I love Eve very much. I see... ... And you are really a gardener, aren't you? -I see... ... And you are really a gardener, aren't you? Yes, Robert - I am. I'll go tell Eve about Ben now, Robert. -I know exactly what you mean. Today the businessman is at the mercy of kid-lawyers from the SEC. All they want to do is regulate our natural growth! It's happening across the country! To everyone, I'm afraid. The Government controls are so restricting that the Medical Profession, as we know it, is being legislated out of existence. -To everyone, I'm afraid. The Government controls are so restricting that the Medical Profession, as we know it, is being legislated out of existence. Of course! By kid-lawyers! -... No, of course you don't. Excuse me for being so presumptuous. No man knows everything about another man - however, very few are honest enough to admit it. That is so true. You're different, Chauncey... Quite different than most men. -Some pain is to be expected... ... And I think what would be best for the two of you is a good night's rest. ... It's late, I'm afraid it's time for my patients to prepare for bed. We have common foes, Chauncey - kid lawyers and our physician! -And you, Benjamin, must be strong and brave for me. Turn over, please. In a minute, Robert - in a minute... Chauncey, I would like to ask a favor of you... -No more, Robert... No more needles... It's not good, Ben - I'm sure you can feel it. -It's not good, Ben - I'm sure you can feel it. I know, Robert... But, strangely enough, I don't feel too bad about now... I feel all right... I guess it's easier... knowing Chauncey is here... to take care of things... -Good God, Eve - you'll freeze out here. I wanted some fresh air, Robert. How is Mr. Gardiner? -I wanted some fresh air, Robert. How is Mr. Gardiner? A rather large contusion, but I don't feel there is any serious damage. I'd like to keep an eye on him, though - I suggested that he stay here for a couple of days. -A rather large contusion, but I don't feel there is any serious damage. I'd like to keep an eye on him, though - I suggested that he stay here for a couple of days. Stay here? Is that necessary? -Stay here? Is that necessary? Not necessary, but preferable. I don't think he'll be a bother, he seems like a most refreshing sort of man. -Not necessary, but preferable. I don't think he'll be a bother, he seems like a most refreshing sort of man. Yes, he is different... Not the kind of person one usually meets in Washington. -Yes, he is different... Not the kind of person one usually meets in Washington. How true. Mr. Gardiner may be a welcome change of pace. -How true. Mr. Gardiner may be a welcome change of pace. He's very intense, and internal, don't you think? -He's very intense, and internal, don't you think? At times, yes. But that's not an uncommon reaction to such an accident. Actually, I found him to have quite a sense of humor. -At times, yes. But that's not an uncommon reaction to such an accident. Actually, I found him to have quite a sense of humor. Good. It might be pleasant for a couple of days. ... Robert... Is there any improvement...? -Good. It might be pleasant for a couple of days. ... Robert... Is there any improvement...? No, Eve... I'm sorry. -... Eve - this has been an exhausting day for Ben... ... But he's...? -... But he's...? He's resting comfortably now. There's no cause for alarm, yet... -... He walked off... Chauncey is so sensitive... He was overcome with grief... -... Do you think we should look for him? I don't think so, he should be along soon... -I don't think so, he should be along soon... I wish he were here... -We have to find him, Robert - he could be lost, something may have happened, we can't leave him! You really care for him, don't you, Eve? -You really care for him, don't you, Eve? I do - we do - both of us, Ben and I feel so much for Chauncey... -I do - we do - both of us, Ben and I feel so much for Chauncey... I think we'd better go look for him. David! -... And he told us that he had been living there since he was a child, working as a gardener. He showed us a room in the garage, where he said he stayed, and I... Well, I didn't really believe him, of course - but why the act? I have no idea... -I have no idea... Another thing that baffles me, Doctor - what was his connection with the deceased? Major financial dealings, obviously - but our firm has no record of any such transactions. -Another thing that baffles me, Doctor - what was his connection with the deceased? Major financial dealings, obviously - but our firm has no record of any such transactions. Hmmm. You say he showed you his garden? -Hmmm. You say he showed you his garden? Well, he said it was his, he walked us through it. -Well, he said it was his, he walked us through it. I see. Mr. Franklin, I must ask you and Miss Hayes to keep this incident with Mr. Gardiner to yourselves. There's no telling what he was involved in, and the matter may be extremely confidential. So please, not a word. -I see. Mr. Franklin, I must ask you and Miss Hayes to keep this incident with Mr. Gardiner to yourselves. There's no telling what he was involved in, and the matter may be extremely confidential. So please, not a word. Of course, Doctor, I understand. -Of course, Doctor, I understand. Fine. Thank you, Mr. Franklin. -Fine. Thank you, Mr. Franklin. Certainly, glad to be of help. -Gentlemen, I didn't call you here at such an hour to make accusations, I just want to explore the possibilities. Now, I have three questions; Is the man a foreign agent? Or, have we suddenly found that our methods of gathering data are grossly inefficient? Or, thirdly, have the man's files been destroyed? Now, I'd like some answers. Gardiner is not a foreign agent, there are now sixteen countries investigating the man. We can rule that out. -Gardiner is not a foreign agent, there are now sixteen countries investigating the man. We can rule that out. Very well... Can we rule out inefficiency...? -I don't think that's entirely true, Grover. And what do the boys around Intelligence think? -And what do the boys around Intelligence think? Well, Mr. President... They don't quite know what to think. -Well, Mr. President... They don't quite know what to think. Gentlemen, needless to say, there is going to be a full Congressional investigation of your respective operations. Good night. -Do you know Raphael? No sir, I don't believe I do. -No sir, I don't believe I do. Oh. I have a message for him. -Oh. I have a message for him. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. A Black man gave me the message. -A Black man gave me the message. Well, I still don't believe I know the man, Mr. Gardiner. Now, hold still. -I understand. I've never seen anything like this on television. Please, hold still, Mr. Gardiner. -Mr. Gardiner, I have a telephone call for you. Sidney Courtney, the financial editor of the Washington Post. Thank you. -Thank you. Would you care to take it, sir? -Would you care to take it, sir? Yes. -Oh, Mr. Gardiner, I've been looking all over. Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. Morton Hull, the producer of 'This Evening' just called. -Morton Hull, the producer of 'This Evening' just called. Yes, I have seen that show on television. -Yes, I have seen that show on television. Of course. They would like you to appear on the show tonight. The Vice President was scheduled, but he had to cancel, and they asked if you would be interested. -Of course. They would like you to appear on the show tonight. The Vice President was scheduled, but he had to cancel, and they asked if you would be interested. Yes. I would like to be on that show. -Yes. I would like to be on that show. Fine. They felt that since you had such close ties with the President, you would be a splendid choice. ... Can I help you? Are you looking for something? -Fine. They felt that since you had such close ties with the President, you would be a splendid choice. ... Can I help you? Are you looking for something? No. I like this attic very much. -... Won't you let us do something for you? Your leg should be examined, we could take you to a hospital. There's no need for a hospital. -There's no need for a hospital. Why, there certainly is. You must see a doctor, I insist on it. Please, let us take you. -I hope you're comfortable. Yes. I am. -Yes. I am. These can be such trying situations everyone seems to make such a to-do over a simple little accident. Of course, they can be very frightening, and I must apologize for David, he's never had an accident before. -These can be such trying situations everyone seems to make such a to-do over a simple little accident. Of course, they can be very frightening, and I must apologize for David, he's never had an accident before. Yes. He's a very careful driver. -Yes. He's a very careful driver. ... Why, yes, he is... Is your leg feeling any better? -... Why, yes, he is... Is your leg feeling any better? It's feeling better, but it's still very sore. -It's feeling better, but it's still very sore. I see. ... Say, would you mind seeing our family doctor? -I see. ... Say, would you mind seeing our family doctor? Your family doctor? -Your family doctor? Yes. My husband has been very ill. His doctor and nurses are staying with us. Those hospitals can be so impersonal - why, it might be hours before you are treated... -Yes. My husband has been very ill. His doctor and nurses are staying with us. Those hospitals can be so impersonal - why, it might be hours before you are treated... I agree. -I agree. Fine, it will save a lot of unnecessary fuss and it will be so much more pleasant for you... David, we'll just go on home. Jeffrey, would you call and let them know? -Would you care for a drink? Yes. Thank you. -I would like to watch television. Oh? Certainly... -Oh, by the way - I'm Eve Rand. Hello, Eve. -May I ask your name? My name is Chance. -My name is Chance. Pardon me, was that Mr. Chance? -Pardon me, was that Mr. Chance? No. I'm a gardener. -No. I'm a gardener. Oh... Mr. Gardiner... Mr. Chauncey Gardiner... You're not related to Basil and Perdita Gardiner are you? -Oh... Mr. Gardiner... Mr. Chauncey Gardiner... You're not related to Basil and Perdita Gardiner are you? No, Eve. I'm not related to Basil and Perdita. -No, Eve. I'm not related to Basil and Perdita. Oh. Well, they're just a wonderful couple, we've been friends for years. We visit their island quite often. -Did you lose something? Yes. I lost my remote control. -Yes. I lost my remote control. Oh... Well, I'm very sorry... -... I'll feel so relieved after Dr. Allenby examines your leg. After that, David can run you on home, or to your office or wherever you'd prefer... ... Is there anything special you would like to watch? I like to watch. This is fine. -I can see that it must be very important for you to stay informed of all the latest events. Yes. -Yes. I admire that in a person. As for myself, I find there is so much to assimilate that it can become quite muddling at times... -Won't your injury prevent you from attending to business, Mr. Gardiner? No. It won't do that. -No. It won't do that. ... Would you like us to notify anyone for you? -... Would you like us to notify anyone for you? No. The Old Man died and Louise left. -I hope that staying here won't be an inconvenience for you. No. I like it here. -Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I sometimes enjoy puttering around myself, such a pleasant way to forget one's troubles. I am a very good gardener. -Chauncey, I wanted to tell you how dreadful I feel about the accident today, but that I'm delighted that you are staying with us. Thank you, Eve - I like this house very much. -Thank you, Eve - I like this house very much. ... And Ben is just mad about you - you've lifted his spirits so - it's just... Well, it's just a real pleasure having you with us. -... And Ben is just mad about you - you've lifted his spirits so - it's just... Well, it's just a real pleasure having you with us. Ben is very ill, Eve - I've seen that before. -Ben is very ill, Eve - I've seen that before. Yes... I know, Chauncey. -Yes... I know, Chauncey. I like Ben very much... He reminds me of the Old Man... -I like Ben very much... He reminds me of the Old Man... He does...? -He does...? Yes. Are you going to leave and close the house when he dies? -... Why... No, I don't think so... That's good. -... Good night, Chauncey. Good night, Eve. -Chauncey! Hello, Eve. -Hello, Eve. Your leg must be getting better. -Your leg must be getting better. Yes. It's feeling much better now. -Yes. It's feeling much better now. Good. I'm glad to hear that. ... How did you like meeting the President? -Good. I'm glad to hear that. ... How did you like meeting the President? Fine. He's very nice. -Fine. He's very nice. Yes, he is. I'm sorry I didn't get to see him. -... Chauncey... Last night you mentioned an old man, that died. Yes. -Yes. Was he a relative? Or an intimate friend? -Was he a relative? Or an intimate friend? He was a very wealthy man, he looked after me since I was young. -He was a very wealthy man, he looked after me since I was young. Oh, I see... Your mentor, perhaps? -Oh, I see... Your mentor, perhaps? ... Mentor...? -Forgive me, Chauncey - I didn't mean to pry. You must have been very close to him. Yes. I was. -Yes. I was. I'm sorry... ... And what about Louise? YOU mentioned that she had gone, were you close to her also? -I'm sorry... ... And what about Louise? YOU mentioned that she had gone, were you close to her also? Yes. I liked Louise very much. She was his maid. -Yes. I liked Louise very much. She was his maid. Oh, his maid!... Stupid me, I thought perhaps she was someone that you may have been romantically involved with. -Oh, his maid!... Stupid me, I thought perhaps she was someone that you may have been romantically involved with. Oh, no. She brought me my meals. -Oh, no. She brought me my meals. Of course. -What is that? Our greenhouse. -Our greenhouse. Oh, I like that very much. -Oh, I like that very much. Yes, so do we. -... I'm... ... I'm very grateful that you're here, Chauncey... ... With us ... So am I, Eve. -I'll be all right, Chauncey you go ahead with Mrs. Aubrey... Yes, Eve. You'll be all right. -Chauncey... Hello, Eve. -Hello, Eve. Chauncey, I just wanted to wish you well. I know you'll be smashing. -Chauncey, I just wanted to wish you well. I know you'll be smashing. Thank you, Eve. -Thank you, Eve. And Benjamin sends along his best wishes. -And Benjamin sends along his best wishes. How is Ben feeling? -How is Ben feeling? He's tired, Chauncey - but he's going to watch you tonight. We'll both be watching. -He's tired, Chauncey - but he's going to watch you tonight. We'll both be watching. That's good. I like to watch, too. -That's good. I like to watch, too. I know you do - you and your television... ... Good luck, Chauncey. -... You don't happen to have a tuxedo in your suitcase, do you? No, thank you. -No, thank you. Oh. Well, we can fix up one of Ben's for you tomorrow night. Sophie insists an Black Tie. -Oh. Well, we can fix up one of Ben's for you tomorrow night. Sophie insists an Black Tie. I see. -I see. ... I have very few friends, Chauncey... And Benjamin's friends are all quite a bit older... -... Good night, Chauncey. Good night, Eve. -Chauncey! Have you seen the papers? No, Eve. I don't read the papers. -No, Eve. I don't read the papers. Well, it seems you've been described as one of the architects of the President's speech. And your own comments from the 'This Evening' show are quoted side by side with the President's. -Well, it seems you've been described as one of the architects of the President's speech. And your own comments from the 'This Evening' show are quoted side by side with the President's. I like the President. He is a very nice man. -I like the President. He is a very nice man. I know... ... So are you, Chauncey ... ... Do you mind my being here, like this? -I know... ... So are you, Chauncey ... ... Do you mind my being here, like this? No, Eve. I like you to be here. -... You know, Chauncey... I want us to be... I want us... You and I to become... close... I want us to become very close, you know...? Yes, Eve. I know that. -... I'm grateful to you, Chauncey... I would have opened to you with a touch, and you know that... ... But you're so strong - I can trust myself with you. I'm glad, Chauncey - I'm glad that you showed so much restraint... Yes, Eve. I'm very glad that you didn't open. -Yes, Eve. I'm very glad that you didn't open. I know you are, Chauncey... ... You conquer a woman from within herself, you infuse in her the need and desire and the longing for your love. -I know you are, Chauncey... ... You conquer a woman from within herself, you infuse in her the need and desire and the longing for your love. Yes. That could be true. -Yes. That could be true. ... I guess I may as well be honest about my feelings, Chauncey, as I know you are I am in love with you... I love you and I want you... And I know that you know it and I'm grateful that you've decided to wait until... Until... -I've never seen anyone handle the media as well as you, Chauncey. You're so cool and detached - almost as if you were born to it. Thank you, Eve. -Yes. Chauncey, this is Mr. Dennis Watson of the State Department. -Chauncey, this is Mr. Dennis Watson of the State Department. Hello, Dennis. -Chauncey, where have you been? I was afraid you got bored and left, or that you were with some mysterious woman. No. I was with a man. We went upstairs. -No. I was with a man. We went upstairs. Upstairs? Chauncey, you're always involved in some sort of discussion... -Upstairs? Chauncey, you're always involved in some sort of discussion... He was very ill, I stayed with him for a while. -He was very ill, I stayed with him for a while. It must be the punch, and it is stuffy in here -- I feel it a little myself. You're an angel, my dear - thank God there are still men like you around to give aid and comfort. -I feel so close to you, so safe with you, Chauncey... ... And Benjamin understands that, dearest... He understands and accepts my feelings for you... Yes, Eve. Ben is very wise. -Yes, Eve. Ben is very wise. ... Come in, Chauncey - please come in... -... Come in, Chauncey - please come in... Thank you. -I just don't excite you at all... I don't know what you want... I don't know what you like... I like to watch. -I like to watch. To watch...? To watch me...? -To watch...? To watch me...? Yes. I like to watch. -Yes. I like to watch. ... Is that all you want...? ... To watch me...? -... Is that all you want...? ... To watch me...? Yes. It's very good, Eve. -Yes. It's very good, Eve. ... But I've never done... ... You mean...? When... When... When I do it? ... When I touch myself...? -Dearest, you uncoil my wants; desire flows within me, and when you watch me my passion dissolves it. You set me free. I reveal myself to myself and I am drenched and purged. That's very interesting, Eve. -Chauncey! Chauncey! Hello, Eve. -Oh, Chauncey, darling... Where have you been? We thought we'd lost you - we've been looking all over! Yes. I've been looking for you, too, Eve. -Hello, Mr. Gardiner. This is Sid Courtney, Washington Post. Hello, Sid. -Hello, Sid. I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Gardiner, I know you must be very busy. -I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Gardiner, I know you must be very busy. No. I'm not busy. -No. I'm not busy. Then, I'll be brief. I covered the President's speech at the Financial Institute today, and since the Post would like to be as exact as possible, we would appreciate your comments on the meeting that took place between Mr. Rand, the President and yourself. -Then, I'll be brief. I covered the President's speech at the Financial Institute today, and since the Post would like to be as exact as possible, we would appreciate your comments on the meeting that took place between Mr. Rand, the President and yourself. The President is a nice person. I enjoyed it very much. -The President is a nice person. I enjoyed it very much. Good, sir. And so, it seems, did the President - but we would like to have some facts; such as, uh... What exactly is the relationship between yourself and that of the First American Financial Corporation? -Good, sir. And so, it seems, did the President - but we would like to have some facts; such as, uh... What exactly is the relationship between yourself and that of the First American Financial Corporation? I think you should ask Mr. Rand that. -I think you should ask Mr. Rand that. Of course. But since he is ill I'm taking the liberty of asking you. -Of course. But since he is ill I'm taking the liberty of asking you. Yes, that is correct. I think you should ask Mr. Rand that. -I see. Then one more quick question, Mr. Gardiner; since we at the Post would like to, uh - update our profile on you - what exactly is your business? I have nothing more to say. -Mr. Gardiner, I'm Morton Hull, the producer of 'This Evening.' Hello, Morton. -Of course, Mr. Gardiner, the fact that you occupy such a position in the world of finance makes you ideally suited to provide our millions of viewers with an explanation of this nation's economic crisis. I see. -I see. Do you realize, Mr. Gardiner, that more people will be watching you tonight than all those who have seen theater plays in the last forty years? -Do you realize, Mr. Gardiner, that more people will be watching you tonight than all those who have seen theater plays in the last forty years? Yes. It's a very good show. -Yes. It's a very good show. I'm glad you like it, Mr. Gardiner. -Can you see well? Yes, very well, thank you. -Yes, very well, thank you. Do you like it? -Do you like it? Yes. It's very tiny, but it's good. -Yes. It's very tiny, but it's good. ... Are you sure you like it? -... Are you sure you like it? Yes, I do, it's very good. -Yes, I do, it's very good. Really? Really!!! -Do you need a doctor? I could call Robert... I don't want Robert. -I don't want Robert. I see. -I see. Your foot! Give me your foot!! -You must sit with us, my friend, we have much to discuss. I agree. -I agree. How is my dear friend Benjamin feeling? -Regretfully, Mrs. Rand - I shall yield the pleasure of your company to others. Yes, Eve. I shall yield too. -I'm sorry we haven't met sooner, Mr. Gardiner. I had the pleasure of seeing you on television last night and I listened with great interest to your down-to-earth philosophy. I'm not surprised that it was so quickly endorsed by the President. ... Tell me, Mr. Gardiner, just how serious is Benjamin's illness? I did not want to upset Mrs. Rand by discussing it in detail. Ben is very ill. -Ben is very ill. Yes, so I've heard, a shame... As you know, we in the Soviet Union have the keenest interest in developments of the First American Financial Corporation... We are pleased to hear that you may fill Benjamin's place should he fail to recover. Be seated, please, Mr. Gardiner. -... Mr. Gardiner, I wish to be quite candid - considering the gravity of your economic situation, shouldn't we, the diplomats, and you, the businessman - get together more often? Yes, I agree, I think so too. -Yes, I agree, I think so too. To exchange our thoughts - what does a Russian know about business? On the other hand, what does an American know about diplomacy? -To exchange our thoughts - what does a Russian know about business? On the other hand, what does an American know about diplomacy? Yes, I understand. -Yes, I understand. And I have noticed in you a certain reticence regarding political issues - so why not a coming together? An interchange of opinion? We may find, my friend, that we are not so far from each other, not so far! -And I have noticed in you a certain reticence regarding political issues - so why not a coming together? An interchange of opinion? We may find, my friend, that we are not so far from each other, not so far! We are not far... ... our chairs almost touch. -We are not far... ... our chairs almost touch. Bravo! Bravo! Our chairs are indeed almost touching! And we want to remain seated on them, correct? We don't want them snatched from under us, am I right? Because if one goes, the other goes, and then - boom! Boom! And we are both down before our time, you see? And neither of us wants that, do you agree? -Bravo! Bravo! Our chairs are indeed almost touching! And we want to remain seated on them, correct? We don't want them snatched from under us, am I right? Because if one goes, the other goes, and then - boom! Boom! And we are both down before our time, you see? And neither of us wants that, do you agree? I certainly do. -I certainly do. Yes. Tell me, Mr. Gardiner - do you by any chance enjoy Krylov's fables? I ask this because there is something... there is something Krylovian about you. -Yes. Tell me, Mr. Gardiner - do you by any chance enjoy Krylov's fables? I ask this because there is something... there is something Krylovian about you. Do you think so? Do you think so? -Do you think so? Do you think so? So you know Krylov! -So you know your Krylov in Russian, do you? Mr. Gardiner, I must confess I had suspected as much all along - I know an educated man when I meet one! Oh, good. -Oh, good. Yes, it is very good! -Yes, it is very good! Yes, it is. Would you tell me your name again, please? -Yes, it is. Would you tell me your name again, please? Ho! Ho! A dash of American humor! Vladimar Skrapinov! -Ho! Ho! A dash of American humor! Vladimar Skrapinov! Yes. I like that name very much. -Yes. I like that name very much. And yours, sir - Chauncey Gardiner! How poetic! Chauncey, a name of uncertain meaning! And Gardiner, a bit of the French, a suggestion of a stroll through the flowers! A beautiful name, my friend! -Yes, Eve. That would be good. We must speak again, Mr. Gardiner, many times! -We must speak again, Mr. Gardiner, many times! Thank you. -Welcome to Rand Memorial Hospital, Mr. Gardiner. ... I see. -I feel very good in here. Sure you do. This ward is air tight, I have a little extra oxygen pumped in, keeps my spirits up. -Sure you do. This ward is air tight, I have a little extra oxygen pumped in, keeps my spirits up. Yes. I like that very much. -Failure of the bone marrow to produce red blood cells... Not a damn thing they can do about it. Oh, they can make me comfortable, prolong my life with steroid therapy and transfusions... And what makes my blood boil, what little I have left, that is, Mr. Gardiner - is that it's generally a young person's disease... Here I am, getting on in years and about to die of a young person's disease... Yes. You look very sick. -... We're prisoners, Mr. Gardiner - we're prisoners of tubes and technology. I agree. -I agree. ... You will join us for dinner, won't you, Mr. Gardiner? -... You will join us for dinner, won't you, Mr. Gardiner? Yes. I am very hungry. -Yes. I am very hungry. ... So am I, my boy - so am I. -No, thank you. My house has been closed. Oh. When you say 'Your house has been closed', you mean to say that your business was shut down? -Oh. When you say 'Your house has been closed', you mean to say that your business was shut down? Yes. Shut down and locked by the attorneys. -Yes. Shut down and locked by the attorneys. What'd I tell you? Kid-lawyers! The S.E.C.! Damn them! -That's good, Mr. Gardiner. Or may I call you Chauncey? Yes. Chauncey is fine. -Yes. Chauncey is fine. And I'm Ben. -Do we have a garden? Hah! Tomorrow, Chauncey, you will see our gardens. I see. I would like to work in your garden. -A gardener! Well put, Chauncey excellent! Isn't that what a businessman is? A gardener? A person that makes flinty soil productive with the labor of his own hands, who waters it with the sweat from his own brow, and who creates a place of value for his family and community? Yes, Chauncey, what a brilliant metaphor -- yes, indeed, a productive businessman is a laborer in his own vineyard. Thank you, Ben. The garden that I left was such a place. Everything which grew there was with the labor of my own hands. I planted seeds and watered them and watched everything grow. -Thank you, Ben. The garden that I left was such a place. Everything which grew there was with the labor of my own hands. I planted seeds and watered them and watched everything grow. Bravo! -Bravo! But I don't have that any more... ... All that's left for me now is the room upstairs. -But I don't have that any more... ... All that's left for me now is the room upstairs. Now, wait a minute, Chauncey you are young, you are healthy, for God's sake don't give up on yourself! You have to fight! You can't let those bastards keep you down! I don't want to hear any more from you about the 'Room Upstairs'. That's where I'm going soon. -It's a very pleasant room, Ben. Yes, I'm sure it is. That's what they say, anyway. -No, Ben. Reluctant to speak, eh, Chauncey? Well, I can understand that. When a man loses everything, anger has a tendency to block out reason for a time. Just give it some thought, work with the idea, I'm sure you'll have plenty to say in a few days. -Reluctant to speak, eh, Chauncey? Well, I can understand that. When a man loses everything, anger has a tendency to block out reason for a time. Just give it some thought, work with the idea, I'm sure you'll have plenty to say in a few days. I could give it some thought, Ben, but my leg is very sore. -I could give it some thought, Ben, but my leg is very sore. ... Oh? Robert, take a look, would you? -Chauncey, up and around this morning, are you? Yes, Ben. My leg is not very sore. -Yes, Ben. My leg is not very sore. Well, that's good news, my boy. -Well, that's good news, my boy. You're looking much better today, Ben. -You're looking much better today, Ben. Hah! It's all make-up, Chauncey... I asked nurse Teresa to fix me up, I didn't want the President to think I was going to die during our talk. -Hah! It's all make-up, Chauncey... I asked nurse Teresa to fix me up, I didn't want the President to think I was going to die during our talk. I understand. -I understand. No one likes a dying man, my boy - because few know what death is. All we know is the terror of it. But you're an exception, Chauncey - that's what I admire in you, your marvelous balance. You don't stagger back and forth between fear and hope - you're a truly peaceful man. -No one likes a dying man, my boy - because few know what death is. All we know is the terror of it. But you're an exception, Chauncey - that's what I admire in you, your marvelous balance. You don't stagger back and forth between fear and hope - you're a truly peaceful man. Thank you, Ben. ... The nurse did a very good job, Ben. -Yes, when I was younger I had thoughts about public office... But I found, Chauncey - that I was able to contribute more as a private citizen... of course, my wealth provided me with considerable influence, but I've tried, believe me, not to misuse that power... It's extremely important, Chauncey, when one is in a position of eminence, that he does not allow himself to become blinded to the needs of the country... The temptations are strong, and I've been labeled a 'kingmaker' by many, but I have tried to stay open to voices of the people... I have tried to remain honest to myself... I see, Ben. -I see, Ben. ... Maybe one day you shall find yourself in a similar position, Chauncey... Maybe one day... -I think what my most insightful friend is saying, Mr. President, is that we welcome the inevitable seasons of nature, yet we are upset by the seasons of our economy. Yes. That is correct. -He's a decent fellow, the President, isn't he? Yes, Ben - he is. -Yes, Ben - he is. He was quite impressed with your comments, Chauncey - he hears my sort of analysis from everyone, but yours, unfortunately - seldom if ever at all. -He was quite impressed with your comments, Chauncey - he hears my sort of analysis from everyone, but yours, unfortunately - seldom if ever at all. I'm glad he came, Ben. It was nice talking to the President. -... You know, Chauncey, there's something about you... You're direct, you grasp things quickly and you state them plainly. You don't play games with words to protect yourself. I feel I can speak to you frankly... You know what I was talking to you about last night? No, Ben. -No, Ben. Oh, sure you do, the financial assistance program. I think you might be just the man to take charge of such an undertaking. I'd like you to meet with the members of the Board, we'll be able to discuss the matter at greater length at that time. -Oh, sure you do, the financial assistance program. I think you might be just the man to take charge of such an undertaking. I'd like you to meet with the members of the Board, we'll be able to discuss the matter at greater length at that time. I understand. -I understand. And, please, Chauncey - don't rush your decision. I know you're not a man to act on the spur of the moment. -And, please, Chauncey - don't rush your decision. I know you're not a man to act on the spur of the moment. Thank you, Ben. -Thank you, Ben. And now, Chauncey, I'm afraid you must excuse me - I'm very tired all of a sudden. -Certainly, Ben. Senator Rowley's widow, Sophie, is hosting an evening reception tomorrow evening honoring Ambassador Skrapinov of the Soviet Union... I think it's rather obvious that Robert won't allow me to attend, so - would you go in my place, and escort Eve? -Senator Rowley's widow, Sophie, is hosting an evening reception tomorrow evening honoring Ambassador Skrapinov of the Soviet Union... I think it's rather obvious that Robert won't allow me to attend, so - would you go in my place, and escort Eve? Yes. I would like to escort Eve. -Yes. I would like to escort Eve. Good. Together, the two of you should create quite a stir - I can already hear the gossip. -... Chauncey... Chauncey... Yes, Ben - are you going to die now? -... I'm about to surrender the Horn of Plenty for the Horn of Gabriel, my boy... Oh, I see. -Oh, I see. Let me feel the strength in your hand, Chauncey... Let me feel your strength... Yes, that's good... I hope, Chauncey - I hope that you'll stay with Eve... Take care of her, watch over her, she's a delicate flower, Chauncey... -Let me feel the strength in your hand, Chauncey... Let me feel your strength... Yes, that's good... I hope, Chauncey - I hope that you'll stay with Eve... Take care of her, watch over her, she's a delicate flower, Chauncey... A flower... -A flower... She cares for you and she needs your help, Chauncey... there's much to be looked after... -She cares for you and she needs your help, Chauncey... there's much to be looked after... Yes. I would like to do that. -Yes. I would like to do that. ... I've worked very hard and enjoyed my life... I've known success... and I've felt love... My associates, Chauncey - I've talked with them about you... They're eager to meet you... very eager to meet you... I'm very fond of you, Chauncey... And I understand Eve... Tell her that... tell her I'm madly in love with her... -We could do it now, we can go upstairs. ... Please, it's time for us. Come upstairs. I like to watch. -I like to watch. Watch? You mean just watch me? Doing it alone? -Watch? You mean just watch me? Doing it alone? Yes. I like to watch very much. -Yes. I like to watch very much. Well, if that's what you want, then I want it too. We can go this way. -Well, if that's what you want, then I want it too. We can go this way. I want to tell Eve. -I want to tell Eve. Tell Eve? You mean Mrs. Rand? -Tell Eve? You mean Mrs. Rand? Yes. -Yes. Oh, you can tell her later. She'll never miss you in this crowd. -Mr. Gardiner, I'm Ronald Stiegler, of Harvard Books. Hello, Ronald. -Hello, Ronald. Mr. Gardiner, my editors and I have been wondering if you'd consider writing a book for us? Something on your political philosophy. What do you say? -Mr. Gardiner, my editors and I have been wondering if you'd consider writing a book for us? Something on your political philosophy. What do you say? I can't write. -I can't write. Of course, who can nowadays? I have trouble writing a post card to my children! Look, we could give you a six figure advance, provide you with the very best ghostwriter, research assistants, proof readers... -Of course, who can nowadays? I have trouble writing a post card to my children! Look, we could give you a six figure advance, provide you with the very best ghostwriter, research assistants, proof readers... I can't read. -I can't read. Of course not! No one has the time to read! One glances at things, watches television... -Of course not! No one has the time to read! One glances at things, watches television... Yes. I like to watch. -Yes. I like to watch. Sure you do! No one reads!... Listen, book publishing isn't exactly a bed of roses these days... -Sure you do! No one reads!... Listen, book publishing isn't exactly a bed of roses these days... What sort of bed is it? -May I help you, Mr. Gardiner? Yes. I would like to go to Rand Memorial Hospital. -Yes. I would like to go to Rand Memorial Hospital. ... Sir? -... Sir? Yes. -... Did you wish to see someone, sir? Yes, I would like to see Ben. -Yes, I would like to see Ben. Oh, Mr. Rand, of course. Right this way, sir. -Mr. Chance, I'm very pleased to meet you. Yes. -... Then you really are a gardener? Yes. -Yes. Your appearance doesn't suggest that at all, Mr. Chance. -Your appearance doesn't suggest that at all, Mr. Chance. Oh. Thank you. -What about money? I never needed money. -Some pictures...? Yes. Of men and women. -Yes. Of men and women. ... Oh. -How about taxes, Mr. Chance, surely you must have paid taxes? No. -Might you have a birth certificate, Mr. Chance? No. That's where Joe fixed the bricks. -I am allowed to go to the attic and select any of the Old Man's suits. They all fit me very well. I can also take his shirts, shoes and coats. It is quite amazing how those clothes have come back into style. -It is quite amazing how those clothes have come back into style. Yes. I have seen styles on television. -Good day, Mr. Chance. Good day, Sally. -This is terrible, sir - I hope you're not badly injured... No. I'm not badly injured. But my leg is very sore. -Can you walk? It's not broken, is it? It's very sore. -I don't think we should call anyone just yet, it may not even be all that serious. I agree. -I agree. Let's have a look, do you mind? -Let's have a look, do you mind? Of course. I would like to look. -It's starting to swell, is it painful? Yes. -Please, sir. I've never ridden in an automobile. -I've never ridden in an automobile. I assure you, sir, David is a very careful driver. Please, won't you let us take you? -I assure you, sir, David is a very careful driver. Please, won't you let us take you? ... Yes. You can take me. -... Yes. You can take me. Very good. -... My suitcase. Yes sir. I'll take care of that. -Does it have a television? No - but Mr. Rand does have one with an electric motor, that way he can get around by himself. -No - but Mr. Rand does have one with an electric motor, that way he can get around by himself. I see. -How long do we stay in here? How long? I don't know, see what the doctor says ... -... That is a very small room. Yes sir, I guess that's true smallest room in the house. -Yes sir, I guess that's true smallest room in the house. Yes. It seems to be. -... Hmmm... Elevator. ... Yes sir - elevator! -... Evening, Chance. ... Good evening, Louise. -... The Old Man is getting weaker, Chance. I see. -I see. I'm afraid he's slippin' a bit with every hour that goes by... -... Back up those stairs - damn... That Man's needin' me more and more just before he never needs me again... Is his back feeling better? -Good morning, Louise. He's dead, Chance! The Old Man's dead! -He's dead, Chance! The Old Man's dead! ... I see. -... I see. Must of happened durin' the night, I don't know... Lord, he wasn't breathin' and as cold as a fish. I touched him, just to see, and you believe me, Chance - that's doin' more than I get paid to do... Then I just covered him up, pulled the sheet over his head... -Must of happened durin' the night, I don't know... Lord, he wasn't breathin' and as cold as a fish. I touched him, just to see, and you believe me, Chance - that's doin' more than I get paid to do... Then I just covered him up, pulled the sheet over his head... Yes. I've seen that done. -Yes. I've seen that done. Then I got the hell out of that room and called the doctor and I think I woke him probably, he wasn't any too alert. He just said, 'Yeah, he's been expectin' it and said he'd send somebody over...' Lord, what a mornin'! -Then I got the hell out of that room and called the doctor and I think I woke him probably, he wasn't any too alert. He just said, 'Yeah, he's been expectin' it and said he'd send somebody over...' Lord, what a mornin'! ... Yes, Louise, it's snowing in the garden today. Have you looked outside and seen the snow? It's very white. -Dammit, Boy! Is that all you got to say? More gobbledegook? That Old Man's layin' up there dead as hell and it just don't make any difference to you! Yes, Louise. I have seen it often. It happens to old people. -Yes, Louise. I have seen it often. It happens to old people. Well, ain't that the truth... -Well, ain't that the truth... Yes. It is. -Oh, Lord, Chance - I don't know what I was expectin' from you... I'm sorry for yellin' like I did... No sir, I just don't know what I was expectin' ... ... I 'spose I'd better gather up some breakfast for you... Yes, I'm very hungry. -Yes, I'm very hungry. Well, no more stewin' those prunes every mornin', that's somethin', I guess... ... what are you goin' to do now, Chance? -Well, no more stewin' those prunes every mornin', that's somethin', I guess... ... what are you goin' to do now, Chance? I'm going to work in the garden. -... Well, ain't you the gentleman this mornin'... ... gotta go now, Chance... Yes. -Yes. You're gonna need somebody, someone's gotta be around for you, boy... ... You oughta find yourself a lady, Chance... But I guess it oughta be an old lady, 'cause you ain't gonna do a young one any good, not with that little thing of yours... ... You're always gonna be a little boy, ain't you? ... Goodbye, Chance... -Mr. Gardiner, how very nice to have you with us this evening. Yes. -Yes. I'd like to thank you for filling in on such short notice for the Vice President. -I'd like to thank you for filling in on such short notice for the Vice President. You're welcome. -You're welcome. I always find it surprising, Mr. Gardiner, to find men like yourself, who are working so intimately with the President, yet manage to remain relatively unknown. -I always find it surprising, Mr. Gardiner, to find men like yourself, who are working so intimately with the President, yet manage to remain relatively unknown. Yes. That is surprising. -Yes. That is surprising. ... Well, your anonymity will be a thing of the past from now on. -... Well, your anonymity will be a thing of the past from now on. I hope so. -I hope so. Yes... Of course, you know, Mr. Gardiner, that I always prefer an open and frank conversation with my guests, I hope you don't object to that. -Yes... Of course, you know, Mr. Gardiner, that I always prefer an open and frank conversation with my guests, I hope you don't object to that. No. I don't object. -No. I don't object. Fine, then let's get started. The current state of our country is of vital interest to us all, and I would like to know if you agree with the President's view of the economy? -Fine, then let's get started. The current state of our country is of vital interest to us all, and I would like to know if you agree with the President's view of the economy? Which view? -Come now, Mr. Gardiner, before his speech at the Financial Institute the President consulted with you and Benjamin Rand, did he not? Yes. I was there with Ben. -Yes. I was there with Ben. I know that, Mr. Gardiner. -I know that, Mr. Gardiner. Yes. -Yes. Well, let me rephrase the question; the President compared the economy of this country to a garden, and stated that after a period of decline a time of growth would naturally follow. Do you go along with this belief? -Well, let me rephrase the question; the President compared the economy of this country to a garden, and stated that after a period of decline a time of growth would naturally follow. Do you go along with this belief? Yes, I know the garden very well. I have worked in it all my life. It is a good garden and a healthy one; its trees are healthy and so are its shrubs and flowers, as long as they are trimmed and watered in the right seasons. The garden needs a lot of care. I do agree with the President; everything in it will grow strong, and there is plenty of room in it for new trees and new flowers of all kinds. -Don't we need a leader capable of guiding us through the seasons? The bad as well as the good? Yes. We need a very good gardener. -Well, Mr. Gardiner, from the sound of our audience, I'd say that your words are a most welcome respite from what we've been hearing from others... Thank you. -I'm sorry to say that our time is running short, but before we close, I'd like to ask one final question. What sort of gardener, sir, would you be? I am a very serious gardener. -Hello, Thomas... I'm Chance, the gardener. ... The gardener? ... Yes, of course... Mr. Chance, this is Ms. Hayes. -... We're with Franklin, Jennings and Roberts, the law firm handling the estate. Yes, Thomas - I understand. -... Are you waiting for someone? An appointment? Yes. I'm waiting for my lunch. -Yes. I'm waiting for my lunch. Your lunch? You have a luncheon appointment here? -Your lunch? You have a luncheon appointment here? Yes. Louise will bring me lunch. -Yes. Louise will bring me lunch. Louise?... The maid?... But she should have left earlier today... -Louise?... The maid?... But she should have left earlier today... I see... -I see... ... You've quite a sense of humor, Mr. Chance - but all kidding aside, may I ask just what you are doing here? -... You've quite a sense of humor, Mr. Chance - but all kidding aside, may I ask just what you are doing here? I live here. -I live here. You live here? ... We don't have any record of that. -You live here? ... We don't have any record of that. Yes. It's very cold outside today, isn't it, Thomas? -Yes. It's very cold outside today, isn't it, Thomas? ... How long have you been living here? -... How long have you been living here? Ever since I can remember, since I was a child. -Ever since I can remember, since I was a child. Since you were a child? -Since you were a child? Yes, Thomas. I have always been here. I have always worked in the garden. -Do you have any proof of your employment, Mr. Chance - any checks from the deceased, any contracts or documents? No. -No. How were you compensated for these duties you say you performed? -How were you compensated for these duties you say you performed? Compensated...? -Compensated...? How were you paid? -How were you paid? I was given meals, and a home... -Mr. Chance, perhaps you could show us some identification with your address -- a Driver's License, a credit card, checkbook? No, I do not have any of those. -No, I do not have any of those. Then how about medical records? Could you give us the name of your doctor, or your dentist? -Then how about medical records? Could you give us the name of your doctor, or your dentist? I have no need for a doctor or dentist. I have never been ill. I have never been allowed outside of this house, and, except for Joe, I have never had any visitors. -I have no need for a doctor or dentist. I have never been ill. I have never been allowed outside of this house, and, except for Joe, I have never had any visitors. ... Joe? Who's Joe? -... Joe? Who's Joe? Joe Saracini. He was a mason that did some repairs on the brickwork at the rear of the house. That was in 1952. -Joe Saracini. He was a mason that did some repairs on the brickwork at the rear of the house. That was in 1952. 1952...? -1952...? Yes. I remember when he came. He was very fat and had short hair and showed me some pictures from a funny little book. -Mr. Chance, that was twenty-seven years ago. Yes and the Old Man used to come to my garden. He would read and rest there. -Yes and the Old Man used to come to my garden. He would read and rest there. Come now, Mr. Jennings had been bedridden for thirty-five years, since he fractured his spine. -Come now, Mr. Jennings had been bedridden for thirty-five years, since he fractured his spine. Yes, Thomas, that is correct. Then he stopped visiting my garden. -Yes, Thomas, that is correct. Then he stopped visiting my garden. ... We shall need some proof of your having resided here, Mr. Chance. -... We shall need some proof of your having resided here, Mr. Chance. You have me, I am here. What more proof do you need? -Have you served in the Army? No, Thomas. But I have seen the Army on television. -Those trees were very young when I first arrived. Are you related to the deceased, Mr. Chance? -Are you related to the deceased, Mr. Chance? No, I don't think so. And I have planted and shaped all the hedges, and in the springtime you will be able to see my flowers. -... Do you drive this, Mr. Chance? No, Thomas. I have never been in an automobile. -The Old Man gave me nice television sets, this one has remote control. He has one just like it. Mr. Chance, the fact remains that we have no information of your having any connection with the deceased. -Mr. Chance, the fact remains that we have no information of your having any connection with the deceased. Yes, I understand. -What are your plans now, Mr. Chance? I would like to stay and work in my garden. -Mr. Chance, assuming what you say is the truth, I would like to know what sort of claim you are planning to make against the deceased's estate. I'm fine, Thomas. The garden is a healthy one. There is no need for a claim. -I'm fine, Thomas. The garden is a healthy one. There is no need for a claim. Good. That's good. Then if you would please sign a paper to that effect. -No, Thomas. I don't know how to sign. Come now, Mr. Chance. -Come now, Mr. Chance. I have no claim, Thomas. -I have no claim, Thomas. But you won't sign, correct? -But you won't sign, correct? Correct. -Correct. Very well, Mr. Chance - if you insist on dragging this matter on... But I must inform you this house will be closed tomorrow at noon. If indeed, you do reside here, you will have to move out. -Very well, Mr. Chance - if you insist on dragging this matter on... But I must inform you this house will be closed tomorrow at noon. If indeed, you do reside here, you will have to move out. Move out? I don't understand, Thomas. -Move out? I don't understand, Thomas. I think you do, Mr. Chance. However, I will reiterate, this house is closed and you must leave... Call me if you change your mind about signing. C'mon, Sally - let's grab a bite... -Good morning, Mr. President. ... Hello. -You look much taller on television, Mr. President. ... Oh, really... -Well, Mr. Gardiner, that's just fine with me - I'm a man that appreciates a frank discussion... Be seated, please, Mr. Gardiner... Yes, I will. -Yes, I will. Now, Ben, did you happen to get a chance to... -Do you agree with Ben, Mr. Gardiner? Are we finished? Or do you think we can stimulate growth through temporary incentives? As long as the roots are not severed, all is well and all will be well in the garden. -As long as the roots are not severed, all is well and all will be well in the garden. ... In the garden? -... In the garden? That is correct. In a garden, growth has its season. There is spring and summer, but there is also fall and winter. And then spring and summer again... -That is correct. In a garden, growth has its season. There is spring and summer, but there is also fall and winter. And then spring and summer again... ... Spring and summer... Yes, I see... Fall and winter. Yes, indeed... Could you go through that one more time, please, Mr. Gardiner? -Yes. It has. ... You will honor me and my family with a visit, won't you? -... You will honor me and my family with a visit, won't you? Yes. I will. -Yes. I will. Wonderful, we'll all look forward to seeing you. Is Eve around? I'd like to say hello. -... Gardiner is laconic, matter-of fact. The scuttlebutt is that he's a strong candidate for one of the vacant seats on the board of First American. But before we can do any sort of a piece on the man, we're going to need facts on his background... ... Kinney, what did you come up with? ... Nothing. -... Nothing. ... Skip the levity, Kinney - what have you got? -... Skip the levity, Kinney - what have you got? ... I realize this sounds banal but there is no information of any sort on Gardiner. We have no material on him - zilch... -... Sid, be reasonable - I've been everywhere, there's no place left to check! Try again. -Try again. Sure, try again - where? There's nothing, it's like he never existed! -Sure, try again - where? There's nothing, it's like he never existed! Try again. -Try again. Sid, it's useless! -Sid, it's useless! I said - try again. -Oh, Ben - I miss you so when I'm out... How are you feeling? Tired... And I'm getting tired of being so tired. Other than that, I'm doing very well. -Tired... And I'm getting tired of being so tired. Other than that, I'm doing very well. No headaches? -No headaches? No, it's been a good day - better than yours, from what I've been told. -No, it's been a good day - better than yours, from what I've been told. You heard? -You heard? I may be a shut-in, but I do not lack for news. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. -I may be a shut-in, but I do not lack for news. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Oh, it wasn't all that bad, darling. We were fortunate that Mr. Gardiner turned out to be so reasonable. -Oh, it wasn't all that bad, darling. We were fortunate that Mr. Gardiner turned out to be so reasonable. Reasonable? Good, I'd like to meet a reasonable man. Why don't you ask this Gardiner to join us for dinner? -Reasonable? Good, I'd like to meet a reasonable man. Why don't you ask this Gardiner to join us for dinner? Do you feel well enough for that? -Do you feel well enough for that? Hah!... Tell me the truth, Eve - if I wait until I feel better, will I ever meet the man? -Oh. I'm very sorry. Well, if you have any need for any of our facilities, please do not hesitate to ask. Do you need a secretary? -I'm becoming quite attached to Chauncey - quite attached... ... And so are you, aren't you, Eve. ... Yes, I am, Ben. -... Yes, I am, Ben. That's good... That's good. -... Ben, really... ... Thank you, Chauncey... Thank you very much. ... All right, Robert, I'm all yours. -Good evening, Mrs. Rand. Good evening, Wilson. -Good evening, Wilson. I shall take the gentleman to the third floor guest suite, ma'am. Dr. Allenby is standing by. -I shall take the gentleman to the third floor guest suite, ma'am. Dr. Allenby is standing by. Thank you, Wilson. That will be fine. -Thank you, Greta. I'll be with Mr. Rand if I'm needed. Yes, ma'am. -Yes, ma'am. I'll see you after the doctor has a look at your leg, Mr. Gardiner. -Eve, child! How nice of you to come. Hello, Sophie. -And look who you brought with! Sophie, this is Chauncey Gardiner... -Sophie, this is Chauncey Gardiner... Oh, I've been just dying to meet you, Mr. Gardiner! -Oh, I've been just dying to meet you, Mr. Gardiner! Chauncey, this is Mrs. Sophia Rowley. -Come on, Eve. Let's let the men talk, there are so many people that have been asking about you. Would you two excuse me for a moment? -... How are the kids getting along? Oh. Well, I just talked to Cindy this morning. She loves California, but to quote her, she says, 'The Secret Service is getting to be a drag.' I guess she wants her privacy... -Oh. Well, I just talked to Cindy this morning. She loves California, but to quote her, she says, 'The Secret Service is getting to be a drag.' I guess she wants her privacy... Huh... I'm glad they're along with her, if you know what I mean... How about Jack? -Huh... I'm glad they're along with her, if you know what I mean... How about Jack? Well, I think Jack needs some time alone with you, darling... He's getting to that age, you know... He really misses you... -Well, I think Jack needs some time alone with you, darling... He's getting to that age, you know... He really misses you... Yeah... I'll have a talk with him as soon as... -... Maybe you should talk to somebody, darling. No, that won't do any good. -No, that won't do any good. ... Is it me? Is there something I've done? -... Is it me? Is there something I've done? Oh, no, sweetheart - it's not you... -Oh, no, sweetheart - it's not you... It's your damn job. It never happened when you were a senator... -It's your damn job. It never happened when you were a senator... It's not that, I just... -I can certainly understand that... Of course... I'm so sorry for you, Eve... -... This is another world, Tom - I never would have believed it... Yeah... He and my father used to ride together back in the thirties... Fox hunting... Before I was born... -Yeah... He and my father used to ride together back in the thirties... Fox hunting... Before I was born... ... Would you take me on a tour? -... Would you take me on a tour? Gladly... ... The safe is in Mr. Jennings' bedroom, that'll be stop number one. -... What do you make of all this? I really don't know, Tom - he seems so honest and simple... In a way, he's quite charming... -I really don't know, Tom - he seems so honest and simple... In a way, he's quite charming... ... Yeah... -... Yeah... ... It's very bizarre - I don't know what to think... -... It's very bizarre - I don't know what to think... Well... He's either very, very bright or very, very dense - he's hard to figure... ... Let's just keep everything legal. -It's that gardener! Yes, Chauncey Gardiner. -Yes, Chauncey Gardiner. No! He's a real gardener! -No! He's a real gardener! He does talk like one, but I think he's brilliant. -... Business, bullshit! Going out in the middle of the night to meet that bitch in a bar... Sally Hayes is not a bitch - she's a damn fine attorney! I've got to talk to her about this Gardiner... -Sally Hayes is not a bitch - she's a damn fine attorney! I've got to talk to her about this Gardiner... Good night. -Good night. Look, Johanna... -Look, Johanna... I said good night! -Yes? What have you found? We have nothing on him, Ambassador Skrapinov. -We have nothing on him, Ambassador Skrapinov. Quietly, please. Mr. Gardiner, for one, understands our language. -Quietly, please. Mr. Gardiner, for one, understands our language. Sorry, Comrade Ambassador. -Sorry, Comrade Ambassador. What do you mean there is nothing? That's impossible. -What do you mean there is nothing? That's impossible. There is no information available on the man before he moved into Benjamin Rand's. It has proven to be such a difficult task that it has resulted in the loss of one of our agents to the United States Government. -But... Where was this man Gardiner before last week? Apparently the White House shares our curiosity - they have also launched an investigation, and, according to our sources, neither the F.B.I. nor the C.I.A. has met with success. -Apparently the White House shares our curiosity - they have also launched an investigation, and, according to our sources, neither the F.B.I. nor the C.I.A. has met with success. I see. Clearly, such interest on their part is of great political significance. -I see. Clearly, such interest on their part is of great political significance. Clearly, yes comrade. -Clearly, yes comrade. "Hmmm... Take this down. I want this quote included in the Tass coverage; 'Chauncey Gardiner, in an intimate discussion with Ambassador Skrapinov, noted that ""Unless the leaders of the opposing political systems move the chairs on which they sit closer to each other, all of their seats will be pulled from under them by rapid social and political changes.""'" -"Hmmm... Take this down. I want this quote included in the Tass coverage; 'Chauncey Gardiner, in an intimate discussion with Ambassador Skrapinov, noted that ""Unless the leaders of the opposing political systems move the chairs on which they sit closer to each other, all of their seats will be pulled from under them by rapid social and political changes.""'" Very good, Your Excellency. -Kaufman, I'm going to need information on Mr. Chauncey Gardiner's background. Gardiner, yes, sir. -Gardiner, yes, sir. And put it through on a Code Red - I want it as soon as possible. -And put it through on a Code Red - I want it as soon as possible. No problem, Chief. -... Gentlemen, I quoted this man on national television today he is obviously a financial sophisticate of some reknown. Yes, sir - we are aware of all that, but still, we haven't been able to... -Yes, sir - we are aware of all that, but still, we haven't been able to... He's an advisor and close personal friend of Rand's! For Christ sakes, they have volumes of data on Benjamin! -He's an advisor and close personal friend of Rand's! For Christ sakes, they have volumes of data on Benjamin! Yes, Mr. President, we attempted to contact Mr. Rand, but he was too ill to... -Yes, Mr. President, we attempted to contact Mr. Rand, but he was too ill to... I do not want Benjamin Rand disturbed! You have other ways of gathering information than to trouble a dying man. Use whatever agencies are necessary to put together a detailed history of Chauncey Gardiner, if you run into problems, alert Honeycutt. I'll be in the office at seven in the morning and I would like to have it at that time. I've got to take a leak. -I do not want Benjamin Rand disturbed! You have other ways of gathering information than to trouble a dying man. Use whatever agencies are necessary to put together a detailed history of Chauncey Gardiner, if you run into problems, alert Honeycutt. I'll be in the office at seven in the morning and I would like to have it at that time. I've got to take a leak. Right, Chief. -This is not what I requested. No, sir. -No, sir. This information goes back three days. I want the standard file, you know that. -This information goes back three days. I want the standard file, you know that. Right, Chief. -Right, Chief. So...? Where the hell is it? -So...? Where the hell is it? We... uh, have been unable to come up with any information before the man appeared at Mr. Rand's home ... and, uh... -We... uh, have been unable to come up with any information before the man appeared at Mr. Rand's home ... and, uh... What the hell are you talking about, Kaufman? -What the hell are you talking about, Kaufman? Well, we do have data from Honeycutt's sources, Chief - but it isn't pertinent. -Well, we do have data from Honeycutt's sources, Chief - but it isn't pertinent. I'd like to hear that data, Kaufman. -I'd like to hear that data, Kaufman. Yes, sir. -... So what does all that add up to? Well, sir - it occurred to us that he might be an agent of a foreign power. But, we ruled that out, as they invariably are provided with too much documentation, too much American identity... We, uh...don't quite know what to make of it yet, sir... But we'll keep on top of it, Mr. President - we'll come up with the answer. -Well, sir - it occurred to us that he might be an agent of a foreign power. But, we ruled that out, as they invariably are provided with too much documentation, too much American identity... We, uh...don't quite know what to make of it yet, sir... But we'll keep on top of it, Mr. President - we'll come up with the answer. I would appreciate that. -Sorry to disturb you, chief but we have new developments. Oh? What? -Oh? What? We have word that the Soviets have put out a top priority alert for information on Gardiner's background. So far, they haven't come up with a thing - what's more, as a result of their eagerness, one of their ablest agents blew his cover, we have him in custody at this time. -We have word that the Soviets have put out a top priority alert for information on Gardiner's background. So far, they haven't come up with a thing - what's more, as a result of their eagerness, one of their ablest agents blew his cover, we have him in custody at this time. Good. Anything else? -Good. Anything else? Yes, chief - eight other foreign powers have put Gardiner under surveillance. We're around-the clock now, sir - I'll keep you posted. -The rank-and-file in the FBI feel he is FBI, but others feel he is a CIA man who knows how to destroy FBI files. That could be possible... -That could be possible... But we are quite certain, comrade, that this man Gardiner is a leading member of an American elitist faction planning a coup d'etat. -But we are quite certain, comrade, that this man Gardiner is a leading member of an American elitist faction planning a coup d'etat. A coup d'etat! Of course, that was foreseen by Lenin himself! -A coup d'etat! Of course, that was foreseen by Lenin himself! That is correct, Comrade Skrapinov. We have ascertained that Gardiner heads a big-business power group that will soon be taking over the American government. -That is correct, Comrade Skrapinov. We have ascertained that Gardiner heads a big-business power group that will soon be taking over the American government. Big business. I could work with that faction quite nicely, Colonel Novogrod. -Big business. I could work with that faction quite nicely, Colonel Novogrod. You have proven that already, Comrade Skrapinov, you are to be congratulated for recognizing the importance of this man and establishing an early friendship. -You have proven that already, Comrade Skrapinov, you are to be congratulated for recognizing the importance of this man and establishing an early friendship. Thank you, Colonel. -Thank you, Colonel. Let us toast to the success of the coup. -Ben! ... Mr. President, how good to see you. -... Mr. President, how good to see you. It's so good to see you too, Ben, you look terrific! -It's so good to see you too, Ben, you look terrific! I'm not convinced of that, Mr. President, but your visit has raised my spirits... -I'm not convinced of that, Mr. President, but your visit has raised my spirits... Well, I'm delighted to be here, my friend. I've missed you. Here, sit down, get off your feet. -Mr. President, I'd like you to meet my dear friend, Mr. Chauncey Gardiner. Mr. Gardiner, my pleasure. -I just wondered if you had gone over my speech, Ben. Yes, I did. -Yes, I did. ... Well? -... Well? Overall - pretty good. But, Mr. President, I think it's very dangerous to resort to temporary measures at this stage of the game. -Overall - pretty good. But, Mr. President, I think it's very dangerous to resort to temporary measures at this stage of the game. Well, Ben... I... -Well, Ben... I... I sympathize with your position, Mr. President, I know how difficult it is to be straightforward, the reaction to such a speech could be chaos. -I sympathize with your position, Mr. President, I know how difficult it is to be straightforward, the reaction to such a speech could be chaos. That's too big a risk, I can't take the chance. -... There is no longer any margin for inflation, it has gone as far as it can, you've reached your limits on taxation, dependence on foreign energy has reached a crisis, and, from where I see it, Mr. President, the Free Enterprise System has reached the breaking point. We are on the brink of another crash from which recovery might not be possible. It's that serious, huh? -It's that serious, huh? I'm afraid so. -No, she flew up to Boston for another charity event. She'll be sorry to have missed you. I'm sorry, too. Well, Nancy wanted me to send along her best to the two of you - and, Ben, I want to thank you for your time and thoughts. -I'm sorry, too. Well, Nancy wanted me to send along her best to the two of you - and, Ben, I want to thank you for your time and thoughts. Nonsense, Mr. President - I thank you for coming to spend time with a dying man. -Nonsense, Mr. President - I thank you for coming to spend time with a dying man. Now, Ben, I won't have any of that. Why don't you listen to your good friend Chauncey this is a time to think of life! -You're right, Mr. President I don't like feeling sorry for myself. Take care of yourself, Ben. -Take care of yourself, Ben. You take care too, Bobby. -You take care too, Bobby. Mr. Gardiner... -John! Great to see you! Sorry about the cunt at reception. This is my fiancee Maxine. -I'll get right to the point, Larry. I'm a puppet now... Okay. -Okay. I'm being controlled by the world's greatest puppeteer, Craig Schwartz... -I'm being controlled by the world's greatest puppeteer, Craig Schwartz... Oh yeah, he's good. -Oh yeah, he's good. ... and I want to show off his skills by performing a one-puppet extravaganza in Reno. -Say, aren't you that actor guy? Yeah. -Yeah. John Makel... -Malkovich. Malkovich! -Thank you. The one where you're that jewel thief. -The one where you're that jewel thief. I never played a jewel thief. -I never played a jewel thief. Who am I thinking of? -Who am I thinking of? I don't know. -I don't know. I'm pretty sure it was you. Hey, could I get your autograph now? It's for .... oh, what the hell, it's for me! I'm your biggest fan! -I'm pretty sure it was you. Hey, could I get your autograph now? It's for .... oh, what the hell, it's for me! I'm your biggest fan! Yeah, okay. -Hello, I'm here about the ad. Please, have a seat. -When you say, I can be somebody else, what do you mean exactly? Exactly that. We can put you inside someone else's body for fifteen minutes. -Exactly that. We can put you inside someone else's body for fifteen minutes. Oh, this is just the medical breakthrough I've been waiting for. Are their any side effects? Please say no! Please say no! -Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thousand times, thank you! Tell your friends. -Tell your friends. Oh, I will, and I have many, many friends and associates, my friend. All, by the way, in Overeaters Anonymous. All of them fat and alone like me, all of them dream of being someone else, all of them with John Malkovich as their second choice! -Morning. Gotta run. Shipment of grub worms coming in first thing. -Gotta run. Shipment of grub worms coming in first thing. Enjoy. -Enjoy. Craig, listen, honey, I've been thinking... maybe you'd feel better if you got, you know, a job or something. -Craig, listen, honey, I've been thinking... maybe you'd feel better if you got, you know, a job or something. We've been over this. Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate. -We've been over this. Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate. Well, you know, maybe something else until this whole puppet thing turns around. -Well, you know, maybe something else until this whole puppet thing turns around. The Great Mantini doesn't need a day job. -The Great Mantini doesn't need a day job. Craig, everyone can't be Derek Mantini. Well, grub worms are waiting. Do me a favor? -Craig, everyone can't be Derek Mantini. Well, grub worms are waiting. Do me a favor? What? -What? Would you check in on Elijah? He seems to be a little under the weather this morning. -Would you check in on Elijah? He seems to be a little under the weather this morning. Which one is Elijah again? -Which one is Elijah again? The monkey. -The monkey. Yeah. Okay. -Is the trial date set? May 11th. -Why'd you do it, Craig? I'm a puppeteer. -Why, Craig. why? I... puppeteer. -Isn't that cute? I just taught her that. Adorable. What time are they supposed to be here? -Adorable. What time are they supposed to be here? Seven-ish -Seven-ish We have to make it an early night. -We have to make it an early night. They'll understand. Besides I've got a morning appointment tomorrow with Elijah's shrink. We're getting to the bottom of this acid stomach. -They'll understand. Besides I've got a morning appointment tomorrow with Elijah's shrink. We're getting to the bottom of this acid stomach. Hmmm. -Hmmm. Some sort of childhood trauma, she thinks. Possible feelings of inadequacy as a chimp. Interesting, huh? -Some sort of childhood trauma, she thinks. Possible feelings of inadequacy as a chimp. Interesting, huh? Hmmm. -Yeah, just an idea I had. She's very beautiful. -She's very beautiful. Just an idea I had. -Hi. Hi. -Hi. Sorry, I'm so late. Lester just wouldn't let me go. We’re supposed to have dinner with him on Friday. I can get us out of it if you want. He's really amazing, this insane old lech. It's actually sort of amusing when you get past just how disgusting it is. -Did you eat? Nah. I'm not hungry. I'm sorry I didn't call. It was just, you know, hard to get away. -Nah. I'm not hungry. I'm sorry I didn't call. It was just, you know, hard to get away. I was worried. -I was worried. I'm sorry. How was your evening? -I'm sorry. How was your evening? Tom-Tom's puncture wound is infected. -Tom-Tom's puncture wound is infected. The ferret? -The ferret? The iguana. -The iguana. Right. -Right. I dressed the wound. Then I've just been feeding everyone, putting everyone to bed. -I dressed the wound. Then I've just been feeding everyone, putting everyone to bed. Yeah. You want a beer? -Yeah. You want a beer? No thanks. I'm going to turn in. -No thanks. I'm going to turn in. All right. I'll be in my workshop for a little while. I'll be in in a little while. I need to unwind a little. I'll be in soon. A little while. -All right. I'll be in my workshop for a little while. I'll be in in a little while. I need to unwind a little. I'll be in soon. A little while. 'kay. -Don't be ridiculous. There is no such thing as a portal into someone else's brain. Brain. soul, I'm telling you, Lotte. I was right inside him looking out. We're going to be rich. -Brain. soul, I'm telling you, Lotte. I was right inside him looking out. We're going to be rich. I want to try. -I want to try. What? -What? I want to be John Malkovich. Tomorrow morning. Plus I'd like to meet this partner of yours. -I want to be John Malkovich. Tomorrow morning. Plus I'd like to meet this partner of yours. Well, you know we're going to be very busy tomorrow. I'll tell you what. Let's do it tonight. Right now. -Well, you know we're going to be very busy tomorrow. I'll tell you what. Let's do it tonight. Right now. Now? -Now? Yeah. We'll do it right now. On the way to Lester's house. -I'll meet you on the turnpike. I'm scared. -I have to go back. Okay. Maybe tomorrow. -Okay. Maybe tomorrow. I have to go back now. -I have to go back now. We'll talk about it in the car. -I have to go back, Craig. Being inside did something to me. All of a sudden everything made sense. I knew who I was. You weren't you. You were John Malkovich. -You weren't you. You were John Malkovich. I was, wasn't I? I was John fucking Malkovich! Take me back, Craig. -I was, wasn't I? I was John fucking Malkovich! Take me back, Craig. Tomorrow. We're late for Lester. -Lotte! Why aren't you at the pet shop? Fuck pets. Is this your partner? I had to come back and do the Malkovich ride again. Fuck everything else. Is this her? -Why aren't you at work? I've been going over and over my experience last night. It was amazing. I've decided I'm a transsexual. Isn't that the craziest thing? -I've been going over and over my experience last night. It was amazing. I've decided I'm a transsexual. Isn't that the craziest thing? What, are you nuts? That's Oprah talking. -What, are you nuts? That's Oprah talking. Everything felt right for the first time. I need to go back to make sure, then if the feeling is still there. I'm going to speak to Dr. Feldman about sexual reassignment surgery. -Everything felt right for the first time. I need to go back to make sure, then if the feeling is still there. I'm going to speak to Dr. Feldman about sexual reassignment surgery. This is absurd. Besides Feldman's an allergist. If you're going to do something, do it right. -How was it? I have to go back tonight. At eight Exactly. -I have to go back tonight. At eight Exactly. Why? -Why? Don't crowd me, Craig. -So how was it? What was he doing? Oh, you know, not a lot. Just hanging around his apartment. I think he must be a lonely man. -Oh, you know, not a lot. Just hanging around his apartment. I think he must be a lonely man. You see, men can feel unfulfilled, too. I'm glad you're realizing that. You shouldn't be so quick to assume that switching bodies would be the answer to all your problems. -You see, men can feel unfulfilled, too. I'm glad you're realizing that. You shouldn't be so quick to assume that switching bodies would be the answer to all your problems. You're right. You know I was thinking that we should have Maxine over for dinner. Since you two are partners and all. It might be a nice gesture. -You're right. You know I was thinking that we should have Maxine over for dinner. Since you two are partners and all. It might be a nice gesture. I don't know. There's some tension between us. I'd hate to expose you to that. -I don't know. There's some tension between us. I'd hate to expose you to that. It'll be okay. I'll fix my lasagna. We’ll smoke a joint. Tensions will melt away. -Did you know that Eskimos have not one, but fifty words for snow. It's because they have so much of it. After dinner I'll show you my puppets. -What are you doing? I'm moving. Remember? What's with the hooded cloak? -I'm moving. Remember? What's with the hooded cloak? Nothing. Don't go, Craig. I've been thinking. Let's try to work this out. We've got so much history. -Nothing. Don't go, Craig. I've been thinking. Let's try to work this out. We've got so much history. You should feed your animals. They're looking peaked. -You should feed your animals. They're looking peaked. I'm getting rid of the fucking animals. -I'm getting rid of the fucking animals. What? -What? I'm getting rid of the animals. I've lost interest. Besides, they're standing between you and me. -I'm getting rid of the animals. I've lost interest. Besides, they're standing between you and me. No they're not. -No they're not. You've always hated the animals. -You've always hated the animals. You've always loved the animals. -You've always loved the animals. I'm giving them up. I've changed. I've found a new focus. -I'm giving them up. I've changed. I've found a new focus. What's that? -What's that? Us, of course. -What about Maxine? Fuck Maxine. -Fuck Maxine. We wish. -You were him last night, weren't you? Yes. -Yes. And he was with her. -And he was with her. We love her, Craig. I'm sorry. -We love her, Craig. I'm sorry. We? -We? Me and John. -Me and John. Don't forget me. -Don't forget me. Well, you have the Maxine action figure to play with. -I'm sorry. That was nasty. Life is confusing, isn't it? -Life is confusing, isn't it? Sometimes we're forced to make hard decisions. I'd like for us to stay together, Craig. You know, platonically, if that's possible. I truly value our friendship. -Sometimes we're forced to make hard decisions. I'd like for us to stay together, Craig. You know, platonically, if that's possible. I truly value our friendship. I feel that somehow my parents never prepared me to make this particular decision. Not that I blame them. How could they know? Today's world is so complicated. No. I have to go away now. I'm sorry, Lotte. I'm so sorry. -I'm your Goddamn wife. Once you vowed to cherish me forever. Now you hold a gun to my head? Yeah, well welcome to the nineties. -Yeah, well welcome to the nineties. Suck my dick! -Suck my dick! Shut up! -Tell her you need to see her. You bastard. -Tell her, what the hell, close early today, live dangerously. What the hell, darling. Close early today, live dangerously. -It was lovely being you being Malkovich, my dear. I'd never seen the passionate side of sweet Maxine before, or her actual tits for that matter. If only, I've been thinking to myself, if only I could actually feel what Malkovich feels, rather than just see what he sees... And then, dare I say it, if only I could control his arms, his legs, his pelvis, and make them do my bidding. It'll never happen, fuckface. -It'll never happen, fuckface. Ah, but you're forgetting one thing, Lambchop. -Ah, but you're forgetting one thing, Lambchop. What's that? -What's that? I'm a puppeteer. -Once this was a relationship based on love. Now you have me in a cage with a monkey and a gun to my head. Things change. Anyway, you gave up your claim to that love the first time you stuck your dick in Maxine. -Things change. Anyway, you gave up your claim to that love the first time you stuck your dick in Maxine. You fell in love with her first. -You fell in love with her first. Yeah but I didn't do anything about it. Out of respect for our marriage. -Yeah but I didn't do anything about it. Out of respect for our marriage. You didn't do anything about it out of respect for the fact that she wouldn't let you near her with a ten foot pole, which is, by the way, about nine feet, nine inches off the mark anyway. -You didn't do anything about it out of respect for the fact that she wouldn't let you near her with a ten foot pole, which is, by the way, about nine feet, nine inches off the mark anyway. That's true. Oh, God, Lotte, what have I become? My wife in a cage with a monkey. A gun in my hand. Betrayal in my heart. -That's true. Oh, God, Lotte, what have I become? My wife in a cage with a monkey. A gun in my hand. Betrayal in my heart. Maybe this is what you've always been, Craig, you just never faced it before. -Maybe this is what you've always been, Craig, you just never faced it before. Perhaps you're right. I can't let you go though. Too much has happened. You're my ace in the hole. -Perhaps you're right. I can't let you go though. Too much has happened. You're my ace in the hole. I need a shower. -I need a shower. "I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm some kind of monster. I'm the guy you read about in the paper and go, ""he's some kind of monster.""" -"I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm some kind of monster. I'm the guy you read about in the paper and go, ""he's some kind of monster.""" You're not a monster, Craig. Just a confused man. -You're not a monster, Craig. Just a confused man. I love you so much. -My God! I'm so glad you're safe. You look really wonderful. -I'm so glad you're safe. You look really wonderful. I'm in love. For the first time. It's funny, but when it happens to you, there's no question. -I'm in love. For the first time. It's funny, but when it happens to you, there's no question. He's a lucky man. Do I know him? -He's a lucky man. Do I know him? It's Elijah. -It's Elijah. The iguana? -The iguana? The monkey. -The monkey. Oh, right. As long as you're happy. I'm sure he's a better lover than I ever was. -Oh, right. As long as you're happy. I'm sure he's a better lover than I ever was. A better friend. -A better friend. I'm sorry for everything. -I'm sorry for everything. It's okay, Craig. It all worked out, in an odd sort of way. -It's okay, Craig. It all worked out, in an odd sort of way. You came up here looking for the portal? -You came up here looking for the portal? Yeah. I was going to kill him from the inside. -Yeah. I was going to kill him from the inside. And yourself too in the process. God, you're so beautiful. Why couldn't I see that before? -And yourself too in the process. God, you're so beautiful. Why couldn't I see that before? You saw it once. Now you see it again. That's life, isn't it? And you were up here to try the same thing, weren't you? -You saw it once. Now you see it again. That's life, isn't it? And you were up here to try the same thing, weren't you? I suppose. But they got here first, the lousy bastards. So now it's all over, I guess. -I suppose. But they got here first, the lousy bastards. So now it's all over, I guess. I don't know. There's a small community of us. We have a place they don't know about. We're happy. We'll keep trying to figure out a way. Come stay with us. Join the struggle. -I don't know. There's a small community of us. We have a place they don't know about. We're happy. We'll keep trying to figure out a way. Come stay with us. Join the struggle. You'll have me, after all I've done to you? -You'll have me, after all I've done to you? People make mistakes. -People make mistakes. I'm through with puppets, Lotte. I just want you to know that. -I'm through with puppets, Lotte. I just want you to know that. I know. -I know. I'd like to be a farmer. I want to help things grow, to encourage life. Do you and your friends need a farmer? -I'd like to be a farmer. I want to help things grow, to encourage life. Do you and your friends need a farmer? Sure. We could really use a farmer. We'd be grateful for the help. Also, I think, you know, if you wouldn't mind too terribly, a little puppet show every once in a while, would do a lot to lift our spirits. You know, if you wouldn't mind too terribly. -Maxine... I can't believe it. This is too good to be true. -Holy shit, yes! Holy shit, yes! -Holy shit, yes! Holy shit! He said what I said! -Holy shit! He said what I said! Holy shit! He said what I said! -Mr. Malkovich, my name is Craig Schwartz. I can explain. We operate a little business her that... simulates, for our clientele, the experience of... being you, actually. Simulates? -Simulates? Sure, after a fashion. -Sure, after a fashion. Let me try. -Let me try. You? Why I'm sure it would pale in comparison to the actual experience. -You? Why I'm sure it would pale in comparison to the actual experience. Let me try! -So how was it? That... was... no... simulation. -That... was... no... simulation. I know. I'm sorry... -I know. I'm sorry... I have been to the dark side. I have seen a world that no man should ever see. -I have been to the dark side. I have seen a world that no man should ever see. Really? For most people it's a rather pleasant experience. What exactly did you... -Really? For most people it's a rather pleasant experience. What exactly did you... This portal is mine and must be sealed up forever. For the love of God. -This portal is mine and must be sealed up forever. For the love of God. With all respect, sir, I discovered that portal. Its my livelihood. -With all respect, sir, I discovered that portal. Its my livelihood. It's my head, Schwartz, and I'll see you in court! -Welcome to LesterCorp. May we meet your filing needs? No, uh, my name is Craig Schwartz. I have an interview with Mr. Lester. -No, uh, my name is Craig Schwartz. I have an interview with Mr. Lester. Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez... -Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez... Schwartz. -Schwartz. Pardon? -Pardon? Schwartz. -Schwartz. I'm sorry, I'm afraid I have no idea what you're saying right now. -I'm sorry, I'm afraid I have no idea what you're saying right now. My name is Schwartz. -My name is Schwartz. Money, Miss Warts? -Money, Miss Warts? Forget it. -Mr. Juarez? Yes? -Yes? Yex? -Yex? "I said ""yes.""" -"I said ""yes.""" You suggest what? I have no time for piddling suggestions from mumbling job applicants, my good man. Besides, Dr. Lester will see you now. I think that's what he said. -You're not like the other boys we've had here. Granted, I can't understand what you're saying either, but your soft palette resonates tremendously well and you never ever constrict your epiglottis. I am a trained performer. -I am a trained performer. Music to my ears! Whatever you said. Speak, speak, speak, my magnificent friend, speak! -Floris, you're very nice, but I'm afraid I’m in love with somebody else. I'm afraid I... have no idea what you are saying... you bastard! -Come in, Mr. Juarez. I'd stand, but, well, you know. Actually, my name is Craig Schwartz, Dr. Lester. -Security. No, it's okay, sir. Just a mixup with your secretary. -No, it's okay, sir. Just a mixup with your secretary. She's not my secretary. She's what they call an executive liaison, and I'm not banging her, if that's what you’re implying. -She's not my secretary. She's what they call an executive liaison, and I'm not banging her, if that's what you’re implying. Not at all, Dr. Lester. I simply misspoke. -Not at all, Dr. Lester. I simply misspoke. Tell me, Dr. Schwartz, what do you feel you can bring to LesterCorp? -Tell me, Dr. Schwartz, what do you feel you can bring to LesterCorp? Well, sir, I'm an excellent filer. -Well, sir, I'm an excellent filer. You think so, eh? Which comes first, L or... Glooph? -You think so, eh? Which comes first, L or... Glooph? Glooph is not a letter, sir. -Glooph is not a letter, sir. Damn, you are good. I tried to trick you. Okay, put these in order. -You don't have a speech impediment, Dr. Lester. "Flattery will get you everywhere, my boy. But I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on this one. You see, she has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western. Perhaps you've read her memoirs, ""I can't understand a word any of you are saying.""" -"Flattery will get you everywhere, my boy. But I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on this one. You see, she has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western. Perhaps you've read her memoirs, ""I can't understand a word any of you are saying.""" No. -No. Pity, it tells it like it is. That's why the eastern, read Jewish, publishing establishment won't touch it. That's a quote from the book jacket. George Will, I think. I apologize if you can't understan a word I'm saying, Dr. Schwartz. -Pity, it tells it like it is. That's why the eastern, read Jewish, publishing establishment won't touch it. That's a quote from the book jacket. George Will, I think. I apologize if you can't understan a word I'm saying, Dr. Schwartz. No. I understand perfectly. -No. I understand perfectly. Thank you for being kind enough to lie. You see, I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech. You're hired. Any questions? -Thank you for being kind enough to lie. You see, I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech. You're hired. Any questions? Just one. Why is this floor so short? -Just one. Why is this floor so short? Low overhead, m'boy. We pass the savings on to you. But seriously, that's all covered in orientation. -Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz. Why, if I were eighty years younger, I'd box your ears. I wasn't toying with her, sir. I was just... How old are you? -I wasn't toying with her, sir. I was just... How old are you? One hundred and five. Carrot juice. Lot's of it. I swear, it's almost not worth it. I piss orange. Oh, and I, have to piss sitting down... like a godamn girly... every fifteen minutes. But nobody wants to die, Schwartz. -One hundred and five. Carrot juice. Lot's of it. I swear, it's almost not worth it. I piss orange. Oh, and I, have to piss sitting down... like a godamn girly... every fifteen minutes. But nobody wants to die, Schwartz. I'll keep that in mind, sir. -I'll keep that in mind, sir. No sir-e-bob, I don't die. But what I do is get older, wrinkled like a former plum that's become the wrinkled prune you see before you. Oh, to be a young man again, maybe then Floris would care for me. -No sir-e-bob, I don't die. But what I do is get older, wrinkled like a former plum that's become the wrinkled prune you see before you. Oh, to be a young man again, maybe then Floris would care for me. The elderly have so much to offer, sir. They are our link with history. -The elderly have so much to offer, sir. They are our link with history. I don't want to be your godamn link, damn you. I want to feel Floris' naked thighs against my own. I want to know passion. I want my body to inspire lust in that beautiful, complex woman. I want her to shiver in a spasm of ecstasy when I penetrate her. Oh, God, the agony of the flesh, Schwartz. -I don't want to be your godamn link, damn you. I want to feel Floris' naked thighs against my own. I want to know passion. I want my body to inspire lust in that beautiful, complex woman. I want her to shiver in a spasm of ecstasy when I penetrate her. Oh, God, the agony of the flesh, Schwartz. Dr. Lester, while I am flattered that you share your feelings with me, I believe perhaps the workplace is not the most suitable environment for this type of discussion. -Dr. Lester, while I am flattered that you share your feelings with me, I believe perhaps the workplace is not the most suitable environment for this type of discussion. All right. Meet me at the Juicy-Juice Juice Bar after work today and I'll spill my goddamn guts for you. -Imagine a room full of women. Nubile, blonde, wet with desire, Schwartz. A harem, if you will. Me in leather. A harness, if you like. I am the object of this desire, and all eyes are on me as I speak. “Ladies,” I begin. “I am the love god, Eros. I intoxicate you. My spunk is to you manna from heaven... Dr. Lester, it's been really fascinating, but I'm afraid I have to get home to my wife now. -Dr. Lester, it's been really fascinating, but I'm afraid I have to get home to my wife now. Wife, huh? I'd love to meet her, Craig. -Wife, huh? I'd love to meet her, Craig. Yessir. -Yessir. Shall we say dinner on Friday. Just the two of us? You can come too if you like, Schwartz. -Shall we say dinner on Friday. Just the two of us? You can come too if you like, Schwartz. That's sounds fine, sir. Gotta run. -Dr. Lester. . . Ah, Craig. Just the fellow I wanted to see. Juicer! Easy as pie. Just keep your fingers clear of the blade, and never, never use it while bathing in a tub full of water. -Ah, Craig. Just the fellow I wanted to see. Juicer! Easy as pie. Just keep your fingers clear of the blade, and never, never use it while bathing in a tub full of water. Dr. Lester, I have a question. I was in that vacant office down the hall and I stumbled upon a little door and.... -Dr. Lester, I have a question. I was in that vacant office down the hall and I stumbled upon a little door and.... Ah. yes, the little door. There is a short film on the little door in the orientation room in exactly two minutes. If you hurry, you'll just make it. -Ah. yes, the little door. There is a short film on the little door in the orientation room in exactly two minutes. If you hurry, you'll just make it. Thank you, sir. -Dr. Lester... More beet-spinach juice, my friend? -More beet-spinach juice, my friend? No thank you sir. It's delicious, though. I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to work at LesterCorp, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to tender my resignation effectively immediately. -No thank you sir. It's delicious, though. I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to work at LesterCorp, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to tender my resignation effectively immediately. I see. Are you unhappy at our little company? -I see. Are you unhappy at our little company? No sir, not at all. It's just that I'm going to open my own business and... -No sir, not at all. It's just that I'm going to open my own business and... And what sort of business will this be? If you don't mind my asking. -And what sort of business will this be? If you don't mind my asking. Uh, import-export. Olive oil. Right on 7 1/2 actually. In the vacant office. So we'll still be seeing each other. -Uh, import-export. Olive oil. Right on 7 1/2 actually. In the vacant office. So we'll still be seeing each other. The vacant office. I see. Olive oil. Interesting. Be warned, Schwartz, there are certain “doors” which should never be opened. -You're making a big mistake, Schwartz. Ma'am Dr. Lester, I don't know what you're talking about. -Dr. Lester, I don't know what you're talking about. There are rules, boy, procedures, etiquette. This is not a toy. I've been waiting seventy years to utilize this room, grooming myself, quietly setting the stage, performing ablutions, paying tribute, seeing all his motion pictures again and again. Worshipping, Schwartz, worshipping properly. -There are rules, boy, procedures, etiquette. This is not a toy. I've been waiting seventy years to utilize this room, grooming myself, quietly setting the stage, performing ablutions, paying tribute, seeing all his motion pictures again and again. Worshipping, Schwartz, worshipping properly. You're insane. -You're insane. I am not alone. There are others. We are legion. You will pay for this blasphemy. You will pay dearly. -Moving story. Yes. Unfortunately it's bullshit. The real story of 7 1/2 is so evil that it could never be revealed to Americans raised on sitcoms and happy news anchors. -Yes. Unfortunately it's bullshit. The real story of 7 1/2 is so evil that it could never be revealed to Americans raised on sitcoms and happy news anchors. Is that true? -Is that true? Well, truth is for suckers, isn't it?. -Well, truth is for suckers, isn't it?. Listen. I'm Craig Schwartz, just starting out at LesterCorp. -Listen. I'm Craig Schwartz, just starting out at LesterCorp. How dreary - to be - Somebody / How public - like a Frog / To tell one's name - the livelong June / To an admiring Bog! -How dreary - to be - Somebody / How public - like a Frog / To tell one's name - the livelong June / To an admiring Bog! Emily Dickinson. -Emily Dickinson. I wouldn't know. -Yes, well... You know, I've been thinking about what you said yesterday, about the orientation film being a cover-up. I think you're on to something. -You know, I've been thinking about what you said yesterday, about the orientation film being a cover-up. I think you're on to something. And fifty other lines to get into a girl's pants. -And fifty other lines to get into a girl's pants. No, really. -No, really. You know, if you ever got me, you wouldn't have a clue what to do with me. That's the thing, Romeo. -What? I just wanted to say “hi.” Did you know I still don't know your name or where you work? -I just wanted to say “hi.” Did you know I still don't know your name or where you work? Yeah. -Yeah. How about this, if I can guess your first name within three tries, you have to come out for a drink with me tonight. -How about this, if I can guess your first name within three tries, you have to come out for a drink with me tonight. Why not? -Why not? Great. Buuuhhppaahhhhnnn. . . . . Muhhhahhhhh. . . . . ahhhnnnaaa. . nollltuuukkkaaaaralllll. . . tashabararassssssuuuuusaaaaaaa. . . nnnnnnnaaaaaannnnnnnnncccccceeeeeee Mwaaaaaa. . . . .Mahhhhhkkkkk. . . sssseeeeeen. Maxine? -Great. Buuuhhppaahhhhnnn. . . . . Muhhhahhhhh. . . . . ahhhnnnaaa. . nollltuuukkkaaaaralllll. . . tashabararassssssuuuuusaaaaaaa. . . nnnnnnnaaaaaannnnnnnnncccccceeeeeee Mwaaaaaa. . . . .Mahhhhhkkkkk. . . sssseeeeeen. Maxine? Who told you? -Who told you? I'm right? -I'm right? Who told you? -Who told you? That's incredible! Nobody told me! I swear! It's kismet. Maxine! It's a beautiful name. There's a psychic connection. Don't you see? It was meant to be! Maxine! Maxine! Maxine! I will shout it from the rooftops! -That's incredible! Nobody told me! I swear! It's kismet. Maxine! It's a beautiful name. There's a psychic connection. Don't you see? It was meant to be! Maxine! Maxine! Maxine! I will shout it from the rooftops! Somebody told you. -Somebody told you. Oh, Maxine, nobody told me. Maxine, Maxine. It just came out of me like a song, Maxine. A beautiful crazy, song, Maxine. Maxine. Maxine! -Oh, Maxine, nobody told me. Maxine, Maxine. It just came out of me like a song, Maxine. A beautiful crazy, song, Maxine. Maxine. Maxine! I am dubious, but I don't welsh. Meet me at The Stuck Pig. Seven o'clock. You're late, I walk. So help me, if I find out you cheated. -I am dubious, but I don't welsh. Meet me at The Stuck Pig. Seven o'clock. You're late, I walk. So help me, if I find out you cheated. Maxine. -Made it. Maxine. Maxine, Maxine, Maxine. Just. -Just. Buy you a drink, Maxine? -Buy you a drink, Maxine? You married? -You married? Yeah. But enough about me. -What'll you have? The usual, Barry. -The usual, Barry. I'll have, like, a beer. Like a Budweiser, or something. -I like you. I don't know what it is exactly. My tits? -My tits? No, no, it's your energy or your attitude or the way you carry yourself or... -No, no, it's your energy or your attitude or the way you carry yourself or... Christ, you're not a fag are you? Because I don't want to be wasting my time. -That's the usual? Don’t let the girly shit fool you. It'd blow your shorts off. -I’m not a homosexual. I just like women for more than their bodies. I guess you could say I'm the new American male. You're a fag or a liar. -You're a fag or a liar. I mean, I am really attracted to you. -I mean, I am really attracted to you. I mean, I am really attracted to you. Jesus, you are a fag. We can share recipes, if you like, Darlene. -No, wait! I like your tits. I love your tits. I want to fuck you. Good. Now we're getting somewhere. Not a chance. -So, tell me about yourself. If you can get your mind out of the gutter long enough, dog-boy. Well, I'm a puppeteer... -Hi. You're not someone I could get interested in. Craig. You play with dolls. -You're not someone I could get interested in. Craig. You play with dolls. Puppets. Maxine. It's the idea of being inside someone else, feeling what they feel, seeing what they see... -Puppets. Maxine. It's the idea of being inside someone else, feeling what they feel, seeing what they see... Yikes. -Yikes. Please, let me explain. -It's just, and I've never done this before, Maxine, but it's just that I feel something for you. I've never felt this before for anyone, not even my wife. My future is with you, Maxine. You might want to check those tarot cards one more time. -Don't you want to know what happened to me? No. -This is important! It better be. -There's a tiny door in that empty office. It's a portal, Maxine. It takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike. Sounds delightful. Who the fuck is John Malkovich? -Sounds delightful. Who the fuck is John Malkovich? He's an actor. One of the great American actors of the 20th century. -He's an actor. One of the great American actors of the 20th century. What's he been in? -What's he been in? Lots of things. He's very well respected. That jewel thief movie, for example. The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha right, is duality an illusion? Do you see what a can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it. There's only one thing to do. Let's get married right away. -Lots of things. He's very well respected. That jewel thief movie, for example. The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha right, is duality an illusion? Do you see what a can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it. There's only one thing to do. Let's get married right away. Is this Malkovich fellow appealing? -Is this Malkovich fellow appealing? Yes, of course. He's a celebrity. -Yes, of course. He's a celebrity. Good. We'll sell tickets. -Good. We'll sell tickets. Tickets to Malkovich? -Tickets to Malkovich? Exactly. Two hundred dollars a pop. -Exactly. Two hundred dollars a pop. But there's something profound here, Maxine, we can't exploit it. -But there's something profound here, Maxine, we can't exploit it. Fine. I'll do it myself. I was going to offer a partnership to you, but this way it's more money for me. -Fine. I'll do it myself. I was going to offer a partnership to you, but this way it's more money for me. You wanted to be partners with me? -You wanted to be partners with me? Sure. It'd be fun. -Sure. It'd be fun. Really? But, Maxine, can of worms! End of the world! Illusory nature of existence! -Really? But, Maxine, can of worms! End of the world! Illusory nature of existence! I'll protect you, Dollface. -Okay. Here it is. Ever want to be someone else? Now you can. No kidding. Only two hundred dollars for fifteen minutes. Visit J.M. Inc., Mertin-Flemmer Building. etc., etc. Sounds good. Oblique but intriguing. Phone it in. -Craig, I just don't find you attractive. And, Lotte, I'm smitten with you, but only when you're in Malkovich. When I looked into his eyes last night, I could feel you peering out. Behind the stubble and the too-prominent brow and the male pattern baldness, I sensed your feminine longing peering out, and it just slew me. My God. -This is amazing! We're gonna be rich! So unbolt the fucking door, Einstein. -You're late. Are you torturing me on purpose? -Are you torturing me on purpose? I've fallen in love. -I've fallen in love. I don't think so. I've fallen in love. This is what people who've fallen in love look like. -I don't think so. I've fallen in love. This is what people who've fallen in love look like. You picked the unrequited variety. Very bad for the skin. -You picked the unrequited variety. Very bad for the skin. You're evil, Maxine. -You're evil, Maxine. Do you have any idea what its like to have two people look at you with total lust and devotion through the same pair of eyes? No I don't suppose you would. It's quite a thrill, Craig. -You're glowing again. A girl has a right to glow if she wants. It's in the fucking constitution. -Lotte, this is so good... Move right hand across her left breast now. Move right hand across her left breast now. Move right hand across her left breast now. -Lotte? Is that you? Yes, yes, sweetheart, yes! -Let him try. Of course, right this way, Mr. Malkovich. Compliments of the house. -What happens when a man climbs through his own portal? How the hell would I know? I wasn't a philosophy major. -But I gotta go now. I've got to go be Johnny. J.M. Inc. Be all that someone... -Hello, Don. Hello. Wendy. -Hello. Wendy. Don, I was wondering, do you know why our workplace has such low ceilings? -Don, I was wondering, do you know why our workplace has such low ceilings? It's an interesting story, Wendy. Many years ago in the late 1800's, James Mertin, an Irish ship captain looking to invest in the future of our great country, came to this town and decided to erect an office building. -So that's the story of 7 1/2. Since the rents are considerably lower this floor has been adopted by businesses which for one reason or another are forced to cut corners After all... the overhead is low! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! -Hi. Wendy! What're you up to in this vacant office. Well, Don, I peeked in here, even though I know it's against floor policy. and I discovered that there's a little tiny door in here. Isn't it cute? It's almost like a little dolly's door. I wonder what it’s for. -Well, Don, I peeked in here, even though I know it's against floor policy. and I discovered that there's a little tiny door in here. Isn't it cute? It's almost like a little dolly's door. I wonder what it’s for. That's right, Wendy, it is against floor policy, but as long as you're here, let me tell you what I know about our cute little door friend. Many years ago, this very office was occupied by a kindly old watchmaker named Mr. White. -You've got to tell Craig what's going on. He must never leave Malkovich. I'm glad you learned sign language, Elijah, but I'm tired of your nagging. I'm tired of this conversation. I'm tired period. What has the world ever done for me that I should feel personally responsible for saving it? -I'm glad you learned sign language, Elijah, but I'm tired of your nagging. I'm tired of this conversation. I'm tired period. What has the world ever done for me that I should feel personally responsible for saving it? It is better to light one candle than curse the darkness. I learned that from you. -Must you take this terrible demon on yourself, my love? Yes. I'm the only one. I have to enter Malkovich and destroy him from the inside. If not me, who? -Yes. I'm the only one. I have to enter Malkovich and destroy him from the inside. If not me, who? If there was any way I could go in your place. But I'm only a monkey and... -If there was any way I could go in your place. But I'm only a monkey and... Hush, sweetheart. -I'll be with you always, my friends. Who knows, maybe if I'm lucky, I'll rejoin you with wings and a beak. Wings and a halo, my darling. Wings and a halo. -No. Long term psychic or physiological repercussions? -Long term psychic or physiological repercussions? No. Don't be an ass. -No. Don't be an ass. Can I be anyone I want? -Can I be anyone I want? You can be John Malkovich. -You can be John Malkovich. Well that's perfect. My second choice. Ah, this is wonderful. Too good to be true! You see, I'm a sad man. Sad and fat and alone. Oh, I've tried all the diets, my friends. Lived for a year on nothing but imitation mayonnaise. Did it work? You be the judge. But Malkovich! King of New York! Man about town! Most eligible bachelor! Bon Vivant! The Schopenhauer of the 20th century! Thin man extraordinaire! -Well that's perfect. My second choice. Ah, this is wonderful. Too good to be true! You see, I'm a sad man. Sad and fat and alone. Oh, I've tried all the diets, my friends. Lived for a year on nothing but imitation mayonnaise. Did it work? You be the judge. But Malkovich! King of New York! Man about town! Most eligible bachelor! Bon Vivant! The Schopenhauer of the 20th century! Thin man extraordinaire! Two hundred dollars, please. -Two hundred dollars, please. Yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes! -Boy, this is a toughie. To be honest, I didn't anticipate this. And as I said, sir, we can't very well exert physical persuasion upon the sacred vessel Malkovich. -And as I said, sir, we can't very well exert physical persuasion upon the sacred vessel Malkovich. Right, Lester. I heard you the first time. I'm not a dummy. -Right, Lester. I heard you the first time. I'm not a dummy. Didn't mean to imply that you were, sir. -Didn't mean to imply that you were, sir. Look, I'm going back to my house to ponder this. So stay calm and keep track of Schwartz's comings and goings. Oh, and somebody dispose of Schwartz's wife, will you? Nice to meet you all. -Have a seat. I wracking my brain over this Malkovich thing. We saw his show at the Luxor last night. -We saw his show at the Luxor last night. Vegas? What'd you think? -Vegas? What'd you think? The kid's got talent. You've never seen Malkovich like this. Schwartz had him up there singing and dancing. Impressions. -The kid's got talent. You've never seen Malkovich like this. Schwartz had him up there singing and dancing. Impressions. Impressions? Those are hard. -Impressions? Those are hard. Very talented son of a bitch. Too bad we can't kill him. -Very talented son of a bitch. Too bad we can't kill him. I suppose I could come to him in a dream. I don't know. That's the best I can think of right now. -I suppose I could come to him in a dream. I don't know. That's the best I can think of right now. A scary dream? -A scary dream? No, a sexy dream. Of course, a scary dream. -No, a sexy dream. Of course, a scary dream. I like that. -How'd it go? Did you say the philodendron gets water or no? No, for God's sake, I just watered it yesterday. It almost went well. I gave a pretty good dream, but circumstances arose. -No, for God's sake, I just watered it yesterday. It almost went well. I gave a pretty good dream, but circumstances arose. What kind of circumstances? -What kind of circumstances? Maxine says she'll leave him if he leaves Malkovich, plus he's been challenged to a puppet-duel by Mantini. -Maxine says she'll leave him if he leaves Malkovich, plus he's been challenged to a puppet-duel by Mantini. The Great Mantini? -The Great Mantini? No, the Mediocre Mantini. Of course the Great Mantini! -No, the Mediocre Mantini. Of course the Great Mantini! "Oh, he's good! Great, actually. I saw him do ""Tru"" with his sixty foot Robert Morse puppet. Sensational." -"Oh, he's good! Great, actually. I saw him do ""Tru"" with his sixty foot Robert Morse puppet. Sensational." But I think I have another plan. -But I think I have another plan. Do tell. I love a good plan. -Do tell. I love a good plan. Why are you being like this? -I missed you. I'm sorry. Tell me the plan. Well, if Mantini wins, Schwartz will leave Malkovich, right? So, if he needs it, I help Mantini's performance a bit, give him an edge. Spice up the show. -Well, if Mantini wins, Schwartz will leave Malkovich, right? So, if he needs it, I help Mantini's performance a bit, give him an edge. Spice up the show. Can you do that? I mean, do you know anything about puppetry? -Can you do that? I mean, do you know anything about puppetry? I am the Devil, Lester. I think I can handle it. -I am the Devil, Lester. I think I can handle it. I was just asking. No disrespect intended. -I was just asking. No disrespect intended. Fine. Let's drop it. -Fine. Let's drop it. Fine. I mean, it's not like I was doubting you, it's just that I know puppetry is a skill that takes a long time to acquire. -Fine. I mean, it's not like I was doubting you, it's just that I know puppetry is a skill that takes a long time to acquire. Fine. I'm not mad. Let's just drop it. -Fine. I'm not mad. Let's just drop it. Fine. Your mail's on the kitchen table. Mostly junk. Oh, there's a letter from Alex Trebek. -Floris, get Guinness on the phone. Gehginnis ondah foam? -Gehginnis ondah foam? Forget it. -Forget it. Fork ah did? -Fork ah did? Fine woman, Floris. I don't know how she puts up with this damn speech impediment of mine. -Yes, my dear? Someone names A Lot of Warts on line two. -Someone names A Lot of Warts on line two. Thank you, Floris. -Thank you, Floris. Think, Jew florist? -Think, Jew florist? Good morning, Lotte! -Do you dream often? Do you? -Do you? It's my job to ask the questions. Yours to answer them. -It's my job to ask the questions. Yours to answer them. Says who? -Says who? Says me. Do you dream often? -Says me. Do you dream often? Do you? -It's like nothing I've ever felt before. I think I'm going crazy. I'm sure you're not going crazy. -I'm sure you're not going crazy. Kevin, I'm telling you... it was like nothing I've... -Kevin, I'm telling you... it was like nothing I've... Yeah yeah yeah. Yadda yadda yadda. Were you stoned? -Yeah yeah yeah. Yadda yadda yadda. Were you stoned? Yes, but you see, someone else was talking through my mouth. -Yes, but you see, someone else was talking through my mouth. You were stoned. Case closed. End of story. How hot is this babe? -You were stoned. Case closed. End of story. How hot is this babe? I think it might've been this Lotte woman talking through me. Maxine likes to call me Lotte. -I think it might've been this Lotte woman talking through me. Maxine likes to call me Lotte. Ouch. Now that's hot. She's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover. Let me know when you're done with her. This is my type of chick. -Ouch. Now that's hot. She's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover. Let me know when you're done with her. This is my type of chick. I'm done with her now. Tonight really creeped me out. -I'm done with her now. Tonight really creeped me out. You're crazy to let go of a chick who calls you Lotte. I tell you that as a friend. -You're crazy to let go of a chick who calls you Lotte. I tell you that as a friend. I don't know anything about her. What if she's some sort of witch or something? -I don't know anything about her. What if she's some sort of witch or something? All the better. Hey, Hot Lesbian Witches, next Geraldo, buddy boy. Ha ha ha. -All the better. Hey, Hot Lesbian Witches, next Geraldo, buddy boy. Ha ha ha. I gotta know the truth, Kevin. -I gotta know the truth, Kevin. The truth is for suckers, Johnny-Boy. -You don't look a day over one hundred and five, Captain. What's your secret? Lots of carrot juice, little lady. That, and a deal with the Devil. -Anybody else? Do we get to wear a crown? -Do we get to wear a crown? But of course. -But of course. Count me in. -Count me in. Good. I think its time to beckon Mr. Flemmer. Perhaps He can help us out of this pickle. -Tell me, Lotte, can you understand a word I'm saying? Yes, of course, Dr. Lester. -Yes, of course, Dr. Lester. Oh, be still my heart. -Oh, be still my heart. Dr. Lester, would you point me toward the restroom? -Dr. Lester, would you point me toward the restroom? With immense pleasure, my dear. Down that hall, ninth door on the left. Watch the step down. It's sunken, you know. -I'm getting divorced. No you mustn't, my child. -No you mustn't, my child. But why, Son of Malkovich? -But why, Son of Malkovich? We need you on the inside, my child. To report on his comings and goings, and if need be, to... destroy him... ...for lack of a better word. -I blew it, Dr. Lester. You followed your heart, my child, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. -You followed your heart, my child, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. But now we've lost access to Craig. -But now we've lost access to Craig. My child, I don't think its a great mystery what Craig's up to. -You know I think it pays to leave juice-making to the trained professionals. You look terrible, my dear. Craig stole Maxine from me, Dr. Lester. -Craig stole Maxine from me, Dr. Lester. Hmmm, a lesbian, are you? I must inform you that I find that highly arousing. -Hmmm, a lesbian, are you? I must inform you that I find that highly arousing. No, you don't understand. I've been inside Malkovich when I'm with Maxine... -No, you don't understand. I've been inside Malkovich when I'm with Maxine... What?! That is not allowed. My God, you are supposed to be one of us. You know you must never partake of Malkovich by yourself! -What?! That is not allowed. My God, you are supposed to be one of us. You know you must never partake of Malkovich by yourself! No, I didn't know that. -No, I didn't know that. Oh, didn't anyone show you the indoctrination video? -Oh, didn't anyone show you the indoctrination video? No. -No. Oh, sorry. Right this way. -Aaaahhhh, the portal! You bastard! -No! Don't harm the vessel! It's Craig in there, I can tell. -It's Craig in there, I can tell. I understand, but we must protect the vessel at all costs. Please, Craig, please step aside and allow us to have what is rightfully ours. -Thank you all for your efforts, but I'm afraid we can no longer get into Malkovich through the portal. Why not? I need to get in there! -Why not? I need to get in there! I'm not certain, my dear, but I believe your husband has somehow psychically diverted the route. -I'm not certain, my dear, but I believe your husband has somehow psychically diverted the route. That bastard! I'll gladly dispose of him in the name of the order, Son of Malkovich. -That bastard! I'll gladly dispose of him in the name of the order, Son of Malkovich. I'm afraid that no physical harm must come to him as long as he inhabits the vessel. -Yes, hello, I wanted to place an ad. Hi, are you Craig's wife? Yes, Hi. -Hi. Have you done Malkovich yet? "Hi, uh. Hi. I wanted to place an ad. Yes. ""Ever want to be someone else?"" No, that's the ad, but let's talk about you in a minute. ""Ever want to be someone else? Now you can. No kidding...""" -Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man, Craig. "Let her go, Craig. I mean “him.""" -And the funny thing is. Mr. Malkovich, my voice is probably the least intriguing thing about me. I've never been looked at like this by a woman. -Ah. After that I'll introduce you to my favorite monkey, Elijah. He's got an ulcer, due to a suppressed childhood trauma. But we're getting to the bottom of it. Psychotherapy. -Yes? I have to see you. Can you call him and invite us over? -I have to see you. Can you call him and invite us over? When? -When? Give me one hour to get inside him Exactly. -Oh my darling. Oh my sweetheart. I love you, Lotte. -I love you, Lotte. Maxine... -J.M. Inc. Be all that someone else can be. I have to see you. -I have to see you. Sweetie! Oh, but we can't. It's business hours. I need to keep the membranous tunnel open for paying customers. -We have to meet. One hour. -Maxine! Listen: It hasn't been me in John the last three times. Craig's had me locked up in the apartment. He made me call you at gunpoint. It's been him! Oh, God, it's been him! Really? Well, you know, he's quite good. I'm surprised. Anyway, I have a session with Malkovich I have to attend. I'll speak with you soon. -Really? Well, you know, he's quite good. I'm surprised. Anyway, I have a session with Malkovich I have to attend. I'll speak with you soon. But Maxine, I thought it was me you loved. -But Maxine, I thought it was me you loved. I thought so too, doll. I guess we were mistaken. -Hello, Schwartz. I saw your show. Did you see the reviews? -Did you see the reviews? Yeah, I saw them -Yeah, I saw them Because if you missed any, I just happen to have copies here you can take with you when you leave now. -She's not available. We'll see, Schwartz. We'll see. -How do we do that? A friendly competition, if you will. Your Malkovich puppet and my Harry S. Truman puppet appear opposite each other in a play. Not some Vegas Burly-Q pyrotechnics, but a real play that requires actual acting. The audience decides who is more deserving of the title. The losing puppeteer bows out graciously. Goes back to obscurity as a file clerk. -A friendly competition, if you will. Your Malkovich puppet and my Harry S. Truman puppet appear opposite each other in a play. Not some Vegas Burly-Q pyrotechnics, but a real play that requires actual acting. The audience decides who is more deserving of the title. The losing puppeteer bows out graciously. Goes back to obscurity as a file clerk. What's the play? -What's the play? "Say... ""Equus""? It's got everything." -"Say... ""Equus""? It's got everything." Never heard of it. -Never heard of it. Broadway's finest three hours. It's about the suppression of the individual. Conformity as God in modern society. -Broadway's finest three hours. It's about the suppression of the individual. Conformity as God in modern society. Sounds boring. Are there any songs? -Sounds boring. Are there any songs? Nothing but acting to hide behind, buddy-boy. -Nothing but acting to hide behind, buddy-boy. "I'm not afraid. I toured for a year with the National Puppet Company's production of ""Long Day's Journey Into Night.""" -"I'm not afraid. I toured for a year with the National Puppet Company's production of ""Long Day's Journey Into Night.""" Great then. -Great then. Is there dancing? -Is there dancing? No. -No. Who needs dancing? -Yeah? Mr. Malkovich? -Mr. Malkovich? Who's calling? -Who's calling? You don't know me, but I'm a great admirer of yours. -You don't know me, but I'm a great admirer of yours. How'd you get this number? -How'd you get this number? It's just that I fantasize about you and, well, speaking to you now has gotten me sort of excited and... -Can I get you a drink? Whatever you're having. -Thanks so much for coming over. Oh, I'm really glad you called. -So, do you enjoy being an actor? Oh sure. It's very rewarding... -"I'm sorry, did you just call me ""Lotte""?" Do you mind? -Do you mind? No, I guess not. I'm an actor. -Oh, my sweet, beautiful Lotte. Yes, Maxine, yes. -Yes, yes, sweetheart, yes! What the fuck is going on? I'm not talking. This is not me! Oh, Lotte... -Something was making me talk. Some Goddamn thing was making me move. I gotta get out of here. Oh, Dollface, it was just your passion for me taking hold. -Oh, Dollface, it was just your passion for me taking hold. No, Dollface, I know what my passion taking hold feels like. I gotta go. -Darling! What the fuck is going on? -Come on in. I can explain about the portal, darling. -I can explain about the portal, darling. Don't con me, Maxine. We're over. I just let you up here to tell you that, and to tell you that I'm taking you and Schwartz to court. -Don't con me, Maxine. We're over. I just let you up here to tell you that, and to tell you that I'm taking you and Schwartz to court. Oh shut up. Craig, darling are you in there? -Yes. How did you know it was me? Lotte called me. -Lotte called me. Oh, so the bitch escaped. -Oh, so the bitch escaped. Apparently you can control this Malkovich fellow now. -Apparently you can control this Malkovich fellow now. I'm getting better all the time. -I'm getting better all the time. I'll say you are. Let's do it on his kitchen table, then make him eat an omelette off of it. -I'll say you are. Let's do it on his kitchen table, then make him eat an omelette off of it. No... damn... you... Oh shut up, you overrated sack of shit. -You still there, sweets? Yeah. I've figured out how to hold on as long as I want. Oddly enough, it's all in the wrists. -Yeah. I've figured out how to hold on as long as I want. Oddly enough, it's all in the wrists. Wow. Do a puppet show for me, Craig honey. -Wow. Do a puppet show for me, Craig honey. You mean with Malkovich? -You mean with Malkovich? I'd love to see your work. -I'd love to see your work. Really? Yeah. Okay. -That was incredible. You're brilliant! You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls. -You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls. You're right, my darling, it's so much more. It's playing with people! -Stay in him forever? No! But how will we make a living, my love, if our clientele doesn't have access to our product? -No! But how will we make a living, my love, if our clientele doesn't have access to our product? Well, we'll have all the money in Malkovich's bank account, plus he still gets acting work occasionally. -Well, we'll have all the money in Malkovich's bank account, plus he still gets acting work occasionally. No! Please! Shut up, will you? We're trying to think here. It is sort of like being a puppeteer. I like that about it. -No! Please! Shut up, will you? We're trying to think here. It is sort of like being a puppeteer. I like that about it. No one would ever have to know its not him. -No one would ever have to know its not him. Wait a minute! What if everybody knew? What if we presented Malkovich as the world's most complicated puppet and me as the only puppeteer sophisticated enough to work him? We'd wipe the floor with the Great Mantini! -Wait a minute! What if everybody knew? What if we presented Malkovich as the world's most complicated puppet and me as the only puppeteer sophisticated enough to work him? We'd wipe the floor with the Great Mantini! Oh, Craiggy, that's brilliant! -Shut up! Sorry, dear, I lost control for a minute. It's okay, my sweet. -Vegas. Vegas. Can you arrange that? -This is it, lover. You're stepping onto that stage a nobody and presto-change-o, you're coming back the greatest puppeteer the world has ever seen. I'm nervous. Malkovich is fighting me hard today. -Doesn't he know how important tonight is to us? He's a selfish bastard. -"They love me, darling! ""Craig Schwartz is fantastic!"" The New York Times. ""If only Craig Schwartz had always been inside Malkovich!"" Women's Wear Daily. ""Craig Schwartz - The world's greatest puppeteer!"" Paul Wunder, WBAI Radio." Oh, darling. It's a dream come true. We're going to ride this straight to the top. -Oh, darling. It's a dream come true. We're going to ride this straight to the top. Sleepy suddenly. -Sleepy suddenly. Busy day, my little fire chief. Why don't you climb into bed, and I'll meet you there in just... -Bad dream, darling? I've got to leave Malkovich. -I've got to leave Malkovich. You've got to be kidding. -You've got to be kidding. I just had the most horrifying nightmare. The devil was in it. -Honey, we can be happy and poor together. Perhaps you'll want to consult that Ouija board again. -Yeah what?! Derek Mantini! -Good-bye, Maxine. Whatever. -Captain Mertin? What want ye, girl child? -What want ye, girl child? I am not a child, Captain Mertin, but rather an adult lady of miniature proportions. -I am not a child, Captain Mertin, but rather an adult lady of miniature proportions. I see. Well, it is not my fault that thou art tiny. So if it is charity yer after, then be gone with ye, ye foul demon. -I see. Well, it is not my fault that thou art tiny. So if it is charity yer after, then be gone with ye, ye foul demon. I am not asking for alms, but rather the ear of a kind man with a noble heart. -I am not asking for alms, but rather the ear of a kind man with a noble heart. Aye. Speak then if ye must. -Aye. Speak then if ye must. Captain Mertin, surely I am a God-fearing Christian woman like yourself, but alas, I am afraid that the world was not built with me in mind. Door knobs are too high, chairs are unwieldy, high-ceilinged rooms mock my stature. Nor am I a marrie lady, Captain. after all, who would marry a person of my diminutiveness? So I am forced to work for my few pennies a week as an optometrist. Why cannot there be a place for me to work safe and comfortable? -Why you never go back to Lady Jone's and learn your letters? You liked going there I remember. Seeing the other children. Then all a sudden, you stop. There was a boy there...said mama was a jailbird...said he could prove it.. -You got to go sometime. You got to go out there by yourself sometime. But you said...you said out there, there ain't no...what was that word?..no..de- fense. No de-fense. -But you said...you said out there, there ain't no...what was that word?..no..de- fense. No de-fense. There ain't. -There ain't. Then what do I do? -Then what do I do? Know it, and go on out the yard. Go on. -Folks came. Folks come. Folks go. -Folks come. Folks go. Here, let me carry that. -I got a delivery around here. Name of Tucker. Yonder. Twin chestnuts in the yard. -Well? Well what? -Well what? This Saturday - you coming to Call or what? -This Saturday - you coming to Call or what? If I call them, and they come what on earth am I going to say to them. -If I call them, and they come what on earth am I going to say to them. Say the Word! -The Word. What you was put here to speak. That's the last thing they took from me. -That's the last thing they took from me. But you got to do it. You got to. Can't nobody Call like you. You have to be there. -But you got to do it. You got to. Can't nobody Call like you. You have to be there. What I have to do is get in my bed and lay down. I want to fix on something harmless in this world. -What I have to do is get in my bed and lay down. I want to fix on something harmless in this world. What world are you talking about? Ain't nothing harmless down here. -What world are you talking about? Ain't nothing harmless down here. Blue. That doesn't hurt nobody. Yellow neither. -Blue. That doesn't hurt nobody. Yellow neither. You getting into bed to think about yellow? -You getting into bed to think about yellow? I likes yellow. -I likes yellow. Then what? When you get through with blue and yellow, then what? -Then what? When you get through with blue and yellow, then what? Can't say. It's something can't be planned. -Can't say. It's something can't be planned. You blaming God. That what you're doing? -You blaming God. That what you're doing? No, Stamp. I ain't. -No, Stamp. I ain't. You saying whitefolks won. That what you saying? -You saying whitefolks won. That what you saying? Those white things have taken all I had or dreamed. I'm saying ain't no bad luck in this world 'cept for white folks..They just don't know when to stop. -Those white things have taken all I had or dreamed. I'm saying ain't no bad luck in this world 'cept for white folks..They just don't know when to stop. You saying nothing counts? -You saying nothing counts? I'm saying they came into my yard. -I'm saying they came into my yard. You saying God give up? Nothing left for us but pour out our own blood? -You saying God give up? Nothing left for us but pour out our own blood? I'm saying they came into my yard. -I'm saying they came into my yard. You punishing Him, ain't you? -You punishing Him, ain't you? Not like He punished me. -Not like He punished me. You can't do that, Baby. It ain't right. -You can't do that, Baby. It ain't right. Was a time I knew what was. -Was a time I knew what was. You still know. -You still know. What I know is what I see: a nigger woman hauling shoes. -What I know is what I see: a nigger woman hauling shoes. Aw, Baby. -"We have to be steady. ""These things too will pass"". What you looking for? A miracle?" No. I'm looking for what I was put here to look for: the back door. -No. Sorry. Ah, winter in Ohio is especially rough if you've got an appetite for color. -They'll be all right. I'm surprised they lasted here this long. I don't know. Maybe we should have moved. -I don't know. Maybe we should have moved. What'd be the point? Not a house in the country ain't packed to the rafters with some dead Negro's grief. We lucky our ghost is a baby. My husband spirit come back? Or yours? Don't talk to me! Ha..You lucky. You got one child left, still pullin at your skirts. Be thankful. I had eight. Eight with six fathers. Every one of them gone from me. Four taken, four chased and all, I expect, worrying somebody's house into evil. My first born - alls I can remember of her now is how she loved the burned bottom of bread. Her little hands..I wouldn't know'em if they slapped me. Can you beat that? Eight children and that's all I remember. -What'd be the point? Not a house in the country ain't packed to the rafters with some dead Negro's grief. We lucky our ghost is a baby. My husband spirit come back? Or yours? Don't talk to me! Ha..You lucky. You got one child left, still pullin at your skirts. Be thankful. I had eight. Eight with six fathers. Every one of them gone from me. Four taken, four chased and all, I expect, worrying somebody's house into evil. My first born - alls I can remember of her now is how she loved the burned bottom of bread. Her little hands..I wouldn't know'em if they slapped me. Can you beat that? Eight children and that's all I remember. You remember Halle. -You remember Halle. Oh, I remember bits and pieces of all of'em I guess..Halle, of course..I had Halle a lifetime. Almost twenty years... My two girls, sold and gone before I could even a heard about it, and them without their grown up teeth yet. My third child, my son after Halle...I let that straw boss have me for four months so's I could keep that boy. Next year, he had him traded for lumber anyway and me pregnant with his child. I couldn't love that child. I wouldn't. Not any of the rest either. God take what He would....and He did... -Oh, I remember bits and pieces of all of'em I guess..Halle, of course..I had Halle a lifetime. Almost twenty years... My two girls, sold and gone before I could even a heard about it, and them without their grown up teeth yet. My third child, my son after Halle...I let that straw boss have me for four months so's I could keep that boy. Next year, he had him traded for lumber anyway and me pregnant with his child. I couldn't love that child. I wouldn't. Not any of the rest either. God take what He would....and He did... The boys wouldn't have left if Halle were here. -The boys wouldn't have left if Halle were here. Those boys didn't even know him. You had six whole years of marriage to my Halle Fathered every one of your children. A blessing. I learned hard that a man's just a man, but a son like that...like Halle..now that's somebody. -"...All I remember is how she loved the bottom of burned bread. Her little hands...I wouldn't know 'em if they slapped me""." "...""Here. Look here. See this mark? If you can't tell me by my face, look here.""" -..I swallowed her blood right along with my mother's milk. She played with me and always came to be with me whenever I needed her. Me and her waited for our daddy. I love her. I do. She never hurt me. I love my mother but I know she killed one of her own, and tender as she is with me, I'm scared of her because of it. All the time, I'm afraid the thing that happened that made it all right to kill her own, could happen again. Whatever it is, it comes from outside this house, outside the yard. So I never leave this house and I watch over the yard so it can't happen again ... I have to keep it away from my sister...I'll protect Beloved...'Cause She's mine... Beloved..She's mine I am Beloved -Beloved..She's mine I am Beloved and she is mine... -YOU HURT ME. I WILL PROTECT YOU. -WATCH OUT FOR HER; SHE CAN GIVE YOU DREAMS. WHERE ARE THE MEN WITHOUT SKIN? -WHERE ARE THE MEN WITHOUT SKIN? THE WHITEFOLK? -What do you know about it? I sleep where I want. You best leave that quilt alone. That was grandma's quilt. -DID YOU COME FROM THE OTHER SIDE. YES. I WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE. -YES. I WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE. YOU CAME BACK BECAUSE OF ME? -YOU CAME BACK BECAUSE OF ME? YES. -YES. YOU NEVER FORGOT ME? -YOU NEVER FORGOT ME? YOUR FACE IS MINE. -WILL YOU STAY? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME WHO AM YOU? -WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME WHO AM YOU? I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU AGAIN. -CAN THEY GET IN HERE? NO. THEY TRIED ONCE BUT I STOPPED THEM. THEY WON'T EVER COME BACK...YOU MY BEST THING. -You don't sit with me!! Baby, don't be like that. -Baby, don't be like that. You don't sit with me!! I don't sit with people who leave me! -You don't sit with me!! I don't sit with people who leave me! Don't talk like that. Your mama loves you. -Don't talk like that. Your mama loves you. I had another dream last night. The dead man laying on top of me and I had nothing to eat. And the ghosts without skin stuck their fingers in me and said Beloved in the dark and bitch in the light.. -I had another dream last night. The dead man laying on top of me and I had nothing to eat. And the ghosts without skin stuck their fingers in me and said Beloved in the dark and bitch in the light.. Don't say those things. You forget about those dreams.. -Don't say those things. You forget about those dreams.. You gave me the bad dreams. You left me behind... -You gave me the bad dreams. You left me behind... Mama told you - I'd give up my own life, every minute, every hour of it to take back one of your tears baby...My children my best thing. You my best thing! -Mama told you - I'd give up my own life, every minute, every hour of it to take back one of your tears baby...My children my best thing. You my best thing! You're weren't nice to me..you didn't smile at me.. -You're weren't nice to me..you didn't smile at me.. That's not true. I told you, I had to get you out, make you safe...so's you and me could be together on the other side, forever.. -I want somethin' sweet. We don't have nothing sweet no more, baby. -We don't have nothing sweet no more, baby. Not for me, you don't! You don't let me eat the pies... -Not for me, you don't! You don't let me eat the pies... No. Since mama lost her job, we don't have no more pies.. -Well, is it now? How you getting along? Don't pay to complain. -Don't pay to complain. You on your way home? -You on your way home? No. Got me an afternoon job at the shirt factory. Figure between that and my night work at the Bodwins I might be able to put something away for me and mama. -No. Got me an afternoon job at the shirt factory. Figure between that and my night work at the Bodwins I might be able to put something away for me and mama. They treating you right over at the Bodwins? -They treating you right over at the Bodwins? More than all right. Miss Bodwin, she teach me stuff..Book stuff. She says I might go to Oberlin. She's experimenting on me. -Your mother all right? No. Not a bit all right. Hasn't gotten out of bed since that day. -No. Not a bit all right. Hasn't gotten out of bed since that day. You think I should stop by? Think she'd welcome it? -You think I should stop by? Think she'd welcome it? I don't know. I think I've lost my mother, Paul D. -That girl...You know, Beloved... Yes? -Yes? She gone like they say? -She gone like they say? Haven't seen her since that day. Ella thinks she might be waiting in the woods for another chance but..I don't think so. Mama thinks she's gone for good. Says she can feel it. -Haven't seen her since that day. Ella thinks she might be waiting in the woods for another chance but..I don't think so. Mama thinks she's gone for good. Says she can feel it. You think she sure 'nough your sister? -You think she sure 'nough your sister? At times. At other times I think she was...more. But who would know that better than you. I mean, you sure 'nough you her. -Well, if you want my opinion... I don't. I have my own. -I don't. I have my own. You grown. -You grown. Yes sir -Yes sir Well, good luck with the job. -Well, good luck with the job. Thank you. -And Paul D...you don't have to stay 'way, but be careful how you talk to my mama, hear? I will. -Yes? May I come in? -May I come in? What you want? -What you want? I want to see Mr. and Mrs. Bodwin. -I want to see Mr. and Mrs. Bodwin. Miss Bodwin. They brother and sister, darlin. -Miss Bodwin. They brother and sister, darlin. Oh. -Oh. What you want'em for? -What you want'em for? I'm looking for work. I was thinking they might know of some. -I'm looking for work. I was thinking they might know of some. You Baby Sugg's kin, ain't you? -You Baby Sugg's kin, ain't you? Yes ma'am. -Yes ma'am. I heard your mother took sick, that so? -I heard your mother took sick, that so? Yes ma'am.. -Yes ma'am.. Well, come on in. You letting in flies. -You know what? I've been here since I was fourteen and I remember like yesterday when Baby Suggs, holy, came here and sat right where you are. Whiteman name of Garner brought her. He and Mr. Bodwin were good friends. That's how she got that house you all live in. Other things too. Yes ma'am. -Yes ma'am. I never went to those woodland services but she was always nice to me. Always. Never be another like her. -I never went to those woodland services but she was always nice to me. Always. Never be another like her. I miss her. -I miss her. Bet you do. Everybody miss her. That was a good woman...Well, I don't know whether the Bodwins think it or not but they sure could use some extra help. -Bet you do. Everybody miss her. That was a good woman...Well, I don't know whether the Bodwins think it or not but they sure could use some extra help. Ya think? -Ya think? They getting older now and I can't take care of 'em like I used to. More and more they keep asking me to sleep over night. Now, I don't want to quit these people but they can't have all my days and nights too. I got my own family needs me. It'll take some convincing but maybe you could come after supper - take care of your mama during the day, then earn a little something at night, how's that? -They getting older now and I can't take care of 'em like I used to. More and more they keep asking me to sleep over night. Now, I don't want to quit these people but they can't have all my days and nights too. I got my own family needs me. It'll take some convincing but maybe you could come after supper - take care of your mama during the day, then earn a little something at night, how's that? Fine. But what would I do at night? -Fine. But what would I do at night? Be here. In case. -Be here. In case. In case of what? -In case of what? In case the house burn down or bad weather slops the roads so bad I can't get here on time or late guests needed cleaning up after. Anything. Don't ask me what whitefolks need at night. -They good whitefolks? Oh yeah. They good. Can't say they ain't good. I wouldn't trade them for another pair, tell you that. But you come back in a few days - give me a chance to lead'em to it. All right? -I want to work, Miss Lady. Work? Start learnin your letters again? -Work? Start learnin your letters again? No. I mean work work. -No. I mean work work. Well, what can you do? -Well, what can you do? I can't do anything but I would learn it for you if you have a little extra. -I can't do anything but I would learn it for you if you have a little extra. Extra? -Extra? Food. My mama, she doesn't feel well. I couldn't stay away from her too long, cause of her condition but I could do chores in the mornings. -Food. My mama, she doesn't feel well. I couldn't stay away from her too long, cause of her condition but I could do chores in the mornings. Oh baby...I don't know anyone could pay anybody anything for work they did themselves...But if you all need to eat until your mother's well, all you have to do is say so...We have a church committee invented so nobody had to go hungry. -Oh baby...I don't know anyone could pay anybody anything for work they did themselves...But if you all need to eat until your mother's well, all you have to do is say so...We have a church committee invented so nobody had to go hungry. No..No that won't do... -Back stiff? OOh, yeah...Don't know if it's the floor or the skating. -OOh, yeah...Don't know if it's the floor or the skating. Could be that fall you took. -Could be that fall you took. That was fun. -Should I wake her? No, let her rest. -No, let her rest. She likes to see you off in the morning. -She likes to see you off in the morning. I'll make sure she does. But first I'm going make up a nice, big breakfast against that cold outside. -I'll make sure she does. But first I'm going make up a nice, big breakfast against that cold outside. Won't you be late for work? -Won't you be late for work? Don't matter. First time I'll be late in nine years. No great trouble..Whatever goes on out there goes on with or without me showing up on time... don't matter... The world is in this room, baby. This is all there is and all there needs to be. -DON'T LOVE HER TOO MUCH. DO YOU FORGIVE ME? -OUT THERE. WAY OFF. DADDY IS COMING FOR US. -Morning. Morning, ma'am. -MAMA! Hold back Denver - I'm fine..You..you go on upstairs. I'll do the cleaning up. -Hold back Denver - I'm fine..You..you go on upstairs. I'll do the cleaning up. But mama.. -But mama.. Go upstairs I said!! -Mama let me help you. NO!...She wanted me to do it. -Nobody..no sir..that's right..nobody's going be doing that..nobody going be writing my daughter's characteristics on the animal side..no sir..I don't care..ain't laying that down..no sir. I refuse..that's right..that's right... Mama...Mama she's asleep. Why don't you eat something. -Mama...Mama she's asleep. Why don't you eat something. She likes this dress... -She likes this dress... But you'll hurt your eyes doin it there. Come sit at the table. -No...no...no.. Mama? -Where you been keeping yourself? I told John must be cold if Stamp stay inside. Oh I been out. -Out where? Was over to Baby Suggs. -Was over to Baby Suggs. What you want there? Somebody invite you in? -What you want there? Somebody invite you in? That's Baby's kin. I don't need no invite to look after her people. -Somebody new there. A woman. Thought you might know who she is. Ain't no new Negroes in this town I don't know about. What she look like? You sure that wasn't Denver? -Ain't no new Negroes in this town I don't know about. What she look like? You sure that wasn't Denver? I know Denver. -I know Denver. You sure? -You sure? I know what I see. -I know what I see. Might see anything at all at 124. -Might see anything at all at 124. True. -True. Better ask Paul D. -Better ask Paul D. Can't locate him. -Can't locate him. He's sleeping in the church. -He's sleeping in the church. The church! -The church! Yeah. Asked Rev. Pike if he could stay in the cellar. -Yeah. Asked Rev. Pike if he could stay in the cellar. It's cold as charity in there! What he do that for? Any number'll take him in. -It's cold as charity in there! What he do that for? Any number'll take him in. Can't nobody read minds long distance. All he have to do is ask somebody. -Can't nobody read minds long distance. All he have to do is ask somebody. Why? Why he have to ask? Can't nobody offer? What's going on? Since when a black man come to town have to sleep in the cellar like a dog?! -Why? Why he have to ask? Can't nobody offer? What's going on? Since when a black man come to town have to sleep in the cellar like a dog?! Unrile yourself, Stamp. It's only a few days he been there. -Unrile yourself, Stamp. It's only a few days he been there. NO! Shouldn't be no days! You know all about it and don't give him a hand? That don't sound like you, Ella. Me and you been pulling colored folk out the water more'n twenty years! Now you tell me you can't offer a man a bed?! A working man who can pay his own way? -NO! Shouldn't be no days! You know all about it and don't give him a hand? That don't sound like you, Ella. Me and you been pulling colored folk out the water more'n twenty years! Now you tell me you can't offer a man a bed?! A working man who can pay his own way? He ask, I give him anything. -He ask, I give him anything. Why's that necessary all of a sudden? -Why's that necessary all of a sudden? I don't know him that well. -I don't know him that well. You know he's colored? What else there to know? -You know he's colored? What else there to know? Stamp, don't tear me up this morning! I don't feel like it. -Stamp, don't tear me up this morning! I don't feel like it. It's her, ain't it? -It's her, ain't it? Her who? -Her who? Sethe. He took up with her and stayed in there and you don't want nothing to- -Sethe. He took up with her and stayed in there and you don't want nothing to- Hold on! Don't jump if you can't see bottom! -Hold on! Don't jump if you can't see bottom! Girl, give it up! We been friends too long to act like this. -Well, who can tell what went on in there? I never even knew who Sethe was or none of her people. You know she married Baby Suggs' boy. -You know she married Baby Suggs' boy. I ain't sure I know that. Baby never laid eyes on her till she showed up here. And how'd she make it and her husband didn't? And where is he? And how she have that baby in the woods by herself? Said a whitewoman help her. Shoot. You believe that? Well, I know what kind of white that was. -I ain't sure I know that. Baby never laid eyes on her till she showed up here. And how'd she make it and her husband didn't? And where is he? And how she have that baby in the woods by herself? Said a whitewoman help her. Shoot. You believe that? Well, I know what kind of white that was. Aw, no, Ella. -Aw, no, Ella. Anything white floating around in the woods - if it don't got a shotgun, it's something the Lord tells me I don't want no part of. -Anything white floating around in the woods - if it don't got a shotgun, it's something the Lord tells me I don't want no part of. You was friends. -You was friends. Till she showed herself. -Till she showed herself. Ella. -Ella. I ain't got no friends take a handsaw to their own children. -I ain't got no friends take a handsaw to their own children. What's any of that got to do with Paul D.? -What's any of that got to do with Paul D.? What run him off? Tell me that! -What run him off? Tell me that! I run him off. -I run him off. You? -You? I told him...Showed him the newspaper. About Sethe. Read it to him. He left that very day. -I told him...Showed him the newspaper. About Sethe. Read it to him. He left that very day. You didn't tell me that. I thought he already knew. -You didn't tell me that. I thought he already knew. He didn't know nothing. And nobody. Except her, from when they was at that place Baby Suggs was at. -He didn't know nothing. And nobody. Except her, from when they was at that place Baby Suggs was at. He knew Baby Suggs? -He knew Baby Suggs? Sure he knew her. Her boy Halle, too. -Sure he knew her. Her boy Halle, too. And he left when he found out what Sethe did? What you say casts a different light on it, I guess...I thought- -But you didn't come here talking 'bout Paul. You came asking about a new girl. That's so. -That's so. Well, Paul D. must know who she is. Or what she is. -Well, Paul D. must know who she is. Or what she is. You mind loaded with spirits. Everywhere you look you see one. -You mind loaded with spirits. Everywhere you look you see one. You know as well as I do, Stamp, that people who die bad don't stay in the ground. -This is hard for me. But I got to do it. Two things I got to say to you. I'm a take the easy one first. If it's hard for you, might kill me dead. -If it's hard for you, might kill me dead. I come looking for you to ask your pardon. Apologize. -I come looking for you to ask your pardon. Apologize. For what? -For what? You pick any house, any house where colored live. Pick any one and you welcome to stay there. I'm apologizing 'cause they didn't offer to tell you. But you welcome anywhere you want to be. My house. John and Ella. Miss Lady Jones..anybody. You choose. You ain't got to sleep in no cellar and I apologize for each and every night. -You pick any house, any house where colored live. Pick any one and you welcome to stay there. I'm apologizing 'cause they didn't offer to tell you. But you welcome anywhere you want to be. My house. John and Ella. Miss Lady Jones..anybody. You choose. You ain't got to sleep in no cellar and I apologize for each and every night. Well I...I did get offered one place but I just wanted to be off by myself a spell. -Well I...I did get offered one place but I just wanted to be off by myself a spell. Oh yeah. Oh that's load off. I thought everybody gone crazy. -Oh yeah. Oh that's load off. I thought everybody gone crazy. Just me. -Just me. You planning to do anything about it? -You planning to do anything about it? Oh yeah. I got big plans. -You remember your price, Stamp? Never found out. -Never found out. I did. Down to the cent.$900. Always wondered though what Mrs. Garner got for my brother Paul F. Must of been more than nine hundred dollars cause she use that money for Sweet Home for almost two years. But then they hung my other brother Paul A. up on a tree so I guess he wasn't worth the same..I wonder what was Baby Suggs worth? And Halle? I wasn't surprised when I found out they tracked down Sethe all the way to Cincinatti. Her price must have been higher than all of us - her being property that reproduced itself without cost. A breeder. -I did. Down to the cent.$900. Always wondered though what Mrs. Garner got for my brother Paul F. Must of been more than nine hundred dollars cause she use that money for Sweet Home for almost two years. But then they hung my other brother Paul A. up on a tree so I guess he wasn't worth the same..I wonder what was Baby Suggs worth? And Halle? I wasn't surprised when I found out they tracked down Sethe all the way to Cincinatti. Her price must have been higher than all of us - her being property that reproduced itself without cost. A breeder. No use thinking these things now. -No use thinking these things now. Oh but we got to. How we gonna know our price in the future? How are children's children's children gonna know what they cost? Who's gonna tell them? What are they gonna pay for us, if we free? -Oh but we got to. How we gonna know our price in the future? How are children's children's children gonna know what they cost? Who's gonna tell them? What are they gonna pay for us, if we free? Children ain't gonna need to know that kind of thing. -Children ain't gonna need to know that kind of thing. They'll know. They'll know as soon as they born. Cause it's inside us,Stamp. It'll be inside them. We'll pass it down. Schoolteacher didn't just change the outside, he changed the mind..and the blood..and what it carries...and what it's worth.. -They'll know. They'll know as soon as they born. Cause it's inside us,Stamp. It'll be inside them. We'll pass it down. Schoolteacher didn't just change the outside, he changed the mind..and the blood..and what it carries...and what it's worth.. I don't believe that. I won't. -I don't believe that. I won't. There was a rooster named Mister down at Sweet Home. Last time I saw Halle, with that butter all over his face and me with an iron bit in my mouth, I saw Mister - sitting on a tub. He loved that tub. Like king on a throne. He was a hateful thing. Bloody and evil..But he was better than me. Mister was allowed to be and stay what he was. Even if you cooked him you'd be cooking a rooster named Mister. But wasn't no way I'd ever be Paul D. again..Schoolteacher changed me. Was never no beating under Mr. Garner. Schoolteacher changed that. Why wouldn't a man run from that? Why wouldn't a man not work, kill, starve, pull out his own heart to stop feeling 'stead of feeling that? And it strikes me, it's got to be cause we were something else. And that something was less than a chicken sitting in the sun on a tub. -I said I had two things to say to you. I only told you one. I have to tell you the other. I don't want to know. -I don't want to know. I was there Paul D...There in the yard. When she did it. -I was there Paul D...There in the yard. When she did it. What yard? When who- -Jesus. It ain't what you think. -It ain't what you think. You don't know what I think. -You don't know what I think. She ain't crazy. She love those children. She was trying to outhurt the hurter's all. -She ain't crazy. She love those children. She was trying to outhurt the hurter's all. Leave off.. -Leave off.. She was only- -She was only- Stamp, leave off I said! I knew her when she was a girl. She scares me and I knew her when she was a girl... -Stamp, leave off I said! I knew her when she was a girl. She scares me and I knew her when she was a girl... You ain't scared of Sethe. I don't believe you. -You ain't scared of Sethe. I don't believe you. She scares me. I scare me. And that girl in her house scares me. -She scares me. I scare me. And that girl in her house scares me. Who is she? Where she come from? -Who is she? Where she come from? Don't know. Just shot up one day from a stump. -Don't know. Just shot up one day from a stump. She what run you off? Not what I told you 'bout Sethe? -Tell me something, Stamp. Tell me this one thing. How much is a nigger supposed to take? All he can. All he can. -All he can. All he can. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? -Sethe? Paul D. -You shaved. Yeah. Look bad? -Yeah. Look bad? No, You looking good. -No, You looking good. Devil's confusion. What's this I hear about you not getting out of bed? I saw Denver. She tell you? -Devil's confusion. What's this I hear about you not getting out of bed? I saw Denver. She tell you? She comes in the daytime. She still with me, my Denver. -She comes in the daytime. She still with me, my Denver. You got to get up from here, girl. -You got to get up from here, girl. I'm tired, Paul. So tired. I have to rest a while. -I'm tired, Paul. So tired. I have to rest a while. Don't you die on me!! This is Baby Suggs quilt. Is that what you planning!? -Don't you die on me!! This is Baby Suggs quilt. Is that what you planning!? Oh, I don't have no plans. No plans at all. -Oh, I don't have no plans. No plans at all. Look - Denver be here in the day. I be here in the night. I'm a take care of you, you hear? Starting now. -What, baby? She left me. She's gone again. -She left me. She's gone again. Aw, girl. Don't cry...Me and you, we got more yesterday than anybody. We need some kind of tomorrow... -Aw, girl. Don't cry...Me and you, we got more yesterday than anybody. We need some kind of tomorrow... She was my best thing. -What the hell you thinking, girl? Strolling in here this late? Don't talk to me, Mr. Sawyer. Don't say nothing to me this morning. -Don't talk to me, Mr. Sawyer. Don't say nothing to me this morning. What? What? You talking back to me? -What? What? You talking back to me? I'm telling you don't say nothing to me. -Not too sweet! You make it too sweet they don't eat it. Make it the way I always do. -Make it the way I always do. Yeah. Too sweet. -Hey!! Yes sir. -Yes sir. I'm looking for a gal name of Judy. Works over by the slaughterhouse. Said she lived on Plank Road. -I'm looking for a gal name of Judy. Works over by the slaughterhouse. Said she lived on Plank Road. Plank Road. Yes sir. That's up a ways. Mile, maybe. -Plank Road. Yes sir. That's up a ways. Mile, maybe. You don't know her? Judy? Works in the slaughterhouse. -You don't know her? Judy? Works in the slaughterhouse. No sir, I don't, but I know Plank Road. 'Bout a mile up thataway. -Look here..There's a cross up there, so I guess this here's a church or used to be. Seems to me like you ought to show it some respect, you follow me? Yes sir..You right about that. That's just what I come over to talk to him about. Just that.. -Hiya Allan. Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. -Sure Allan, I'll be there. Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. -Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. -Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. -Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. Yeah, okay. -Yeah? Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? -Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? Uh? -Fuck. What do you think? -What do you think? He looks like a fuckin' loser. -Pin your diapers on, Lebowski. Jackie Treehorn wants to see you. And we know which Lebowski you are, Lebowski. -And we know which Lebowski you are, Lebowski. Yeah. Jackie Treehorn wants to talk to the deadbeat Lebowski. -Yeah. Jackie Treehorn wants to talk to the deadbeat Lebowski. You're not dealing with morons here. -Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. It's the LeBaron. -Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. -We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. Huh. -Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier once we get instructions for the money. Why me, man? -Why me, man? He suspects that the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you're in a unique position to confirm or, uh, disconfirm that suspicion. -He suspects that the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you're in a unique position to confirm or, uh, disconfirm that suspicion. So he thinks it's the carpet-pissers, huh? -So he thinks it's the carpet-pissers, huh? Well Dude, we just don't know. -They called about eighty minutes ago. They want you to take the money and drive north on the 4 5. They'll call you on the portable phone with instructions in about forty minutes. One person only or I'd go with you. They were very clear on that: one person only. What happened to your jaw? Oh, nothin', you know. -Here's the money, and the phone. Please, Dude, follow whatever instructions they give. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Her life is in your hands. -Her life is in your hands. Oh, man, don't say that.. -Oh, man, don't say that.. Mr. Lebowski asked me to repeat that: Her life is in your hands. -Mr. Lebowski asked me to repeat that: Her life is in your hands. Shit. -Shit. Her life is in your hands, Dude. And report back to us as soon as it's done. -This is our concern, Dude. No, man, nothing is fucked here-- -That had not occurred to us, Dude. Well, okay, you're not privy to all the new shit, so uh, you know, but that's what you pay me for. Speaking of which, would it be possible for me to get my twenty grand in cash? I gotta check this with my accountant of course, but my concern is that, you know, it could bump me into a higher tax-- -Where'd she been? Visiting friends of hers in Palm Springs. Just picked up and left, never bothered to tell us. -Visiting friends of hers in Palm Springs. Just picked up and left, never bothered to tell us. But I guess she told Dieter. -I know my rights. You don't know shit, Lebowski. -You don't know shit, Lebowski. I want a fucking lawyer, man. I want Bill Kunstler. -I want a fucking lawyer, man. I want Bill Kunstler. What are you, some kind of sad-assed refugee from the fucking sixties? -What are you, some kind of sad-assed refugee from the fucking sixties? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Mr. Treehorn tells us that he had to eject you from his garden party, that you were drunk and abusive. -Mr. Treehorn tells us that he had to eject you from his garden party, that you were drunk and abusive. That guy treats women like objects, man. -That guy treats women like objects, man. Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town, Lebowski. You don't draw shit. We got a nice quiet beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk- off name, I don't like your jerk-off face, I don't like your jerk- off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk- off --do I make myself clear? -A dick, man! And let me tell you something: I dig your work. Playing one side against the other--in bed with everybody--fabulous stuff, man. I'm not a--ah, fuck it, just stay away from my fucking lady friend, man. -I'm not a--ah, fuck it, just stay away from my fucking lady friend, man. Hey hey, I'm not messing with your special lady-- -Hey hey, I'm not messing with your special lady-- She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man! -She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man! Hey, man, I'm not-- -Hey, man, I'm not-- Who're you working for? Lebowski? Jackie Treehorn? -Who're you working for? Lebowski? Jackie Treehorn? The Gundersons. -The Gundersons. The? Who the fff-- -The? Who the fff-- The Gundersons. It's a wandering daughter job. Bunny Lebowski, man. Her real name is Fawn Gunderson. Her parents want her back. -Jesus fucking Christ. Crazy, huh? Ran away a year ago. -Fuck, man! That's terrible! Yeah, it sucks. -Yeah, it sucks. Well maybe you and me could pool our resources--trade information-- professional courtesy--compeers, you know-- -There's no ransom if you don't have a fucking hostage. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules. Zere ARE no ROOLZ! -Zere ARE no ROOLZ! NO RULES! YOU CABBAGE-EATING SONS- OF- BITCHES-- -Okay. Vee take ze money you haf on you und vee call it eefen. Fuck you. -VEE FUCK YOU UP, MAN! VEE TAKE YOUR MONEY! Come and get it. -Come and get it. VEE FUCK YOU UP, MAN! -VEE FUCK YOU UP, MAN! Come and get it. Fucking nihilist. -Come and get it. Fucking nihilist. I FUCK YOU! I FUCK YOU! -I FUCK YOU! I FUCK YOU! Show me what you got. Nihilist. Dipshit with a nine-toed woman. -NUSSING! ANTI-SEMITE! -Excuse me? Nothing. -Nothing. Yes. I understand you're taking away the remains. -Can we just rent it from you? Sir, this is a mortuary, not a rental house. -Sir, please lower your voice-- Hey man, don't you have something else you could put it in? -Hey man, don't you have something else you could put it in? That is our most modestly priced receptacle. -Yeah. We have the urn. -What's this? That is for the urn. -That is for the urn. Don't need it. We're scattering the ashes. -Don't need it. We're scattering the ashes. Yes, so we were informed. However, we must of course transmit the remains to you in a receptacle. -Yes, so we were informed. However, we must of course transmit the remains to you in a receptacle. This is a hundred and eighty dollars. -This is a hundred and eighty dollars. Yes sir. It is our most modestly priced receptacle. -They range up to three thousand. Yeah, but we're-- -What the fuck is he talking about? My rug. -Fuckin' A. And this guy peed on it. -His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. -What do you mean, Dude? Rug-peers did not do this. I mean look at it. Young trophy wife. Marries a guy for money but figures he isn't giving her enough. She owes money all over town-- -Yeah. I am the Walrus. -Yeah, well, what do you care, Walter? Yeah Dude, why is Walter so pissed off? -Sheesh. Walter, how-- -Where you going, Dude? I'm going home, Donny. -I'm going home, Donny. Your phone's ringing, Dude. -Your phone's ringing, Dude. Thank you, Donny. -Almost five! I got eighteen dollars, Dude. -What tied the room together, Dude? Were you listening to the story, Donny? -Were you listening to the story, Donny? What-- -What-- Were you listening to the Dude's story? -Were you listening to the Dude's story? I was bowling-- -I was bowling-- So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- -Yeah Walter, what's your point? Huh? -He peed on the Dude's rug-- YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. -What's a pederast, Walter? Shut the fuck up, Donny. -If what's during league play? Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit. -Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit. What's wrong with Walter, Dude? -I am the Walrus. That fucking bitch! -Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin! Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov! What the fuck is he talking about? -What the fuck is he talking about? That's fucking exactly what happened, Dude! That makes me fucking SICK! -They posted the next round of the tournament-- Donny, shut the f--when do we play? -Donny, shut the f--when do we play? This Saturday. Quintana and-- -This Saturday. Quintana and-- Saturday! Well they'll have to reschedule. -Burkhalter. I told that kraut a fucking thousand times I don't roll on shabbas. -I told that kraut a fucking thousand times I don't roll on shabbas. It's already posted. -It's already posted. WELL THEY CAN FUCKING UN-POST IT! -How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter? I'm shomer shabbas. -I'm shomer shabbas. What's that, Walter? -Oh yeah, how'd it go? Went alright. Dude's car got a little dinged up-- -Kill that poor woman. Walter, if you can't ride in a car, how d'you get around on Shammas-- -Walter, if you can't ride in a car, how d'you get around on Shammas-- Really, Dude, you surprise me. They're not gonna kill shit. They're not gonna do shit. What can they do? Fuckin' amateurs. And meanwhile, look at the bottom line. Who's sitting on a million fucking dollars? Am I wrong? -Who has your undies, Walter? Where's your car, Dude? -And then they're gonna stamp on it?! Oh for Christ--will you shut the fuck up, Donny. -Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis. They were Nazis, Dude? -They were Nazis, Dude? Come on, Donny, they were threatening castration! -Come on, Donny, they were threatening castration! Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Are you gonna split hairs? -Are you gonna split hairs? No-- -No-- Am I wrong? -Am I wrong? Well-- -What do you need that for, Dude? You gotta buck up, man, you can't go into the tournament with this negative attitude-- -Those are good burgers, Walter. Shut the fuck up, Donny. This kid is in the ninth grade, Dude, and his father is--are you ready for this?-- Arthur Digby Sellers. -What have you. We'll, uh-- We'll be near the In-and-Out Burger. -We'll be near the In-and-Out Burger. Shut the fuck up, Donny. We'll, uh, brace the kid--he'll be a pushover. We'll get that fucking money, if he hasn't spent it already. Million fucking clams. And yes, we'll be near the, uh--some burgers, some beers, a few laughs. Our fucking troubles are over, Dude. -Who's in pyjamas, Walter? Shut the fuck up, Donny. Not a bunch of fig-eaters with towels on their heads tryin' to find reverse on a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy-- -Are they gonna hurt us, Walter? They won't hurt us, Donny. These men are cowards. -"--So he says, ""My son can't hold a job, my daughter's married to a fuckin' loser, and I got a rash on my ass so bad I can't hardly siddown. But you know me. I can't complain.""" Fuckin' A, man. I got a rash. Fuckin' A, man. I gotta tell ya Tony. -Jesus, man, can you change the station? Fuck you man! You don't like my fucking music, get your own fucking cab! -Fuck you man! You don't like my fucking music, get your own fucking cab! I've had a-- -I've had a-- I pull over and kick your ass out, man! -I pull over and kick your ass out, man! --had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man-- ---had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man-- That's it! Outta this fucking cab! -And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. Yes, uh, very impressive. -Yes, uh, very impressive. Please, feel free to inspect them. -Please, feel free to inspect them. I'm not really, uh. -I'm not really, uh. Please! Please! -Please! Please! Uh-huh. -That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- -That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- Hey, is this him with Nancy? -Hey, is this him with Nancy? That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- -That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- Lebowski on the right? -Lebowski on the right? Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- -Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- He's handicapped, huh? -He's handicapped, huh? Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. -Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. Far out. -Far out. And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. -And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. Nancy's pretty good. -Nancy's pretty good. Wonderful woman. We were very-- -Wonderful woman. We were very-- Are these. -Are these. These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- -These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- Different mothers, huh? -Different mothers, huh? No, they-- -No, they-- I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- -I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- -They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- I see. -I see. --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. ---without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? -Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? -One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- -Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- Heh-heh-- -Heh-heh-- --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- ---smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- Yes, heh-- -Yes, heh-- --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! -1972 Pontiac LeBaron. Color? -Color? Green. Some brown, or, uh, rust, coloration. -Green. Some brown, or, uh, rust, coloration. And was there anything of value in the car? -And was there anything of value in the car? Huh? Oh. Yeah. Tape deck. Couple of Creedence tapes. And there was a, uh. . . my briefcase. -Huh? Oh. Yeah. Tape deck. Couple of Creedence tapes. And there was a, uh. . . my briefcase. In the briefcase? -In the briefcase? Papers. Just papers. You know, my papers. Business papers. -Papers. Just papers. You know, my papers. Business papers. And what do you do, sir? -And what do you do, sir? I'm unemployed. -...Me, I don't drink coffee. But it's nice when they offer. ...Also, my rug was stolen. -...Also, my rug was stolen. Your rug was in the car. -No. Here. Separate incidents? -Sometimes. I wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though. Or the Creedence tapes. And the, uh, the briefcase? -Ahh, not so good, man. One a those days, huh. Wal, a wiser fella than m'self once said, sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar, wal, he eats you. -One a those days, huh. Wal, a wiser fella than m'self once said, sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar, wal, he eats you. Uh-huh. That some kind of Eastern thing? -Uh-huh. That some kind of Eastern thing? Far from it. -Far from it. Mm. -I like your style, Dude. Well I like your style too, man. Got a whole cowboy thing goin'. -Well I like your style too, man. Got a whole cowboy thing goin'. Thankie. . . Just one thing, Dude. D'ya have to use s'many cuss words? -Take it easy, Dude. Yeah. Thanks man. -Howdy do, Dude. Oh, hey man, how are ya? I wondered if I'd see you again. -Oh, hey man, how are ya? I wondered if I'd see you again. Wouldn't miss the semis. How things been goin'? -Wouldn't miss the semis. How things been goin'? Ahh, you know. Strikes and gutters, ups and downs. -Thanks, Gary...Take care, man, I gotta get back. Sure. Take it easy, Dude--I know that you will. -Sure. Take it easy, Dude--I know that you will. Yeah man. Well, you know, the Dude abides. -This is quite a pad you got here, man. Completely unspoiled. What's your drink, Dude? -What's your drink, Dude? White Russian, thanks. How's the smut business, Jackie? -White Russian, thanks. How's the smut business, Jackie? I wouldn't know, Dude. I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy, and-- -I wouldn't know, Dude. I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy, and-- Which one was Logjammin'? -Which one was Logjammin'? Regrettably, it's true, standards have fallen in adult entertainment. It's video, Dude. Now that we're competing with the amateurs, we can't afford to invest that little extra in story, production value, feeling. -People forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone-- On you, maybe. -Of course, you do get the good with the bad. The new technology permits us to do exciting things with interactive erotic software. Wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic. Uh-huh. Well, I still jerk off manually. -Uh-huh. Well, I still jerk off manually. Of course you do. I can see you're anxious for me to get to the point. Well Dude, here it is. Where's Bunny? -Of course you do. I can see you're anxious for me to get to the point. Well Dude, here it is. Where's Bunny? I thought you might know, man. -I thought you might know, man. Me? How would I know? The only reason she ran off was to get away from her rather sizable debt to me. -Me? How would I know? The only reason she ran off was to get away from her rather sizable debt to me. But she hasn't run off, she's been-- -I've heard the kidnapping story, so save it. I know you're mixed up in all this, Dude, and I don't care what you're trying to take off her husband. That's your business. All I'm saying is, I want mine. Yeah, well, right man, there are many facets to this, uh, you know, many interested parties. If I can find your money, man-- what's in it for the Dude? -Yeah, well, right man, there are many facets to this, uh, you know, many interested parties. If I can find your money, man-- what's in it for the Dude? Of course, there's that to discuss. Refill? -Of course, there's that to discuss. Refill? Does the Pope shit in the woods? -Does the Pope shit in the woods? Let's say a 10% finder's fee? -Let's say a 10% finder's fee? Okay, Jackie, done. I like the way you do business. Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. He lives in North Hollywood, on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger. A real fuckin' brat, but I'm sure your goons'll be able to get it off him, mean he's only fifteen and he's flunking social studies. So if you'll just write me a check for my ten per cent. . . of half a million. . . fifty grand. -No! No! NO! THAT'S NOT-- I FUCKEEN KILL JOR FUCKEEN CAR! -Who the fuck are you, man! Come on, man! Relax, man! No physical harm intended! -Relax, man! No physical harm intended! Who the fuck are you? Why've you been following me? Come on, fuckhead! -Who the fuck are you? Why've you been following me? Come on, fuckhead! Hey, relax man, I'm a brother shamus. -Brother Shamus? Like an Irish monk? Irish m--What the fuck are you talking about? My name's Da Fino! I'm a private snoop! Like you, man! -Irish m--What the fuck are you talking about? My name's Da Fino! I'm a private snoop! Like you, man! Huh? -Hello, gentlemen. You are the bereaved? Yeah man. -Yeah man. Francis Donnelly. Pleased to meet you. -Francis Donnelly. Pleased to meet you. Jeffrey Lebowski. -Is that what that's a picture of? In a sense, yes. Elfranco, my robe. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal. Which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. -In a sense, yes. Elfranco, my robe. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal. Which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. Oh yeah? -Oh yeah? "Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say. Whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his ""dick"" or his ""rod"" or his ""Johnson""." -"Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say. Whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his ""dick"" or his ""rod"" or his ""Johnson""." """Johnson""?" -"""Johnson""?" Thank you. -Huh? Yes, I know about it. And I know that you acted as courier. And let me tell you something: the whole thing stinks to high heaven. -Yes, I know about it. And I know that you acted as courier. And let me tell you something: the whole thing stinks to high heaven. Right, but let me explain something about that rug-- -Right, but let me explain something about that rug-- Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski? -Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski? Excuse me? -Excuse me? Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it? -Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it? I was talking about my rug. -I was talking about my rug. You're not interested in sex? -You're not interested in sex? You mean coitus? -You mean coitus? I like it too. It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people--it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women--who engage in it compulsively and without joy. -I like it too. It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people--it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women--who engage in it compulsively and without joy. Oh, no. -Oh, no. Yes Mr. Lebowski, these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word. Our mutual acquaintance Bunny is one of these. -Yes Mr. Lebowski, these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word. Our mutual acquaintance Bunny is one of these. Listen, Maude, I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho, but I don't see what it has to do with--do you have any kalhua? -Listen, Maude, I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho, but I don't see what it has to do with--do you have any kalhua? Take a look at this, sir. -Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here. He fixes the cable? -He fixes the cable? Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey. Little matter to me that this woman chose to pursue a career -Shit yeah, the achievers. "Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, yes, and proud we are of all of them. I asked my father about his withdrawal of a million dollars from the Foundation account and he told me about this ""abduction"", but I tell you it is preposterous. This compulsive" -Yeah, but my- I'm getting to your rug. My father and I don't get along; he doesn't approve of my lifestyle and, needless to say, I don't approve of his. Still, I hardly wish to make my father's embezzlement a police matter, so I'm proposing that you try to recover the money from the people you delivered it to. -I'm getting to your rug. My father and I don't get along; he doesn't approve of my lifestyle and, needless to say, I don't approve of his. Still, I hardly wish to make my father's embezzlement a police matter, so I'm proposing that you try to recover the money from the people you delivered it to. Well--sure, I could do that-- -Well--sure, I could do that-- If you successfully do so, I will compensate you to the tune of 1% of the recovered sum. -If you successfully do so, I will compensate you to the tune of 1% of the recovered sum. A hundred. -A hundred. Thousand, yes, bones or clams or whatever you call them. -Thousand, yes, bones or clams or whatever you call them. Yeah, but what about-- -Yeah, but what about-- --your rug, yes, well with that money you can buy any number of rugs that don't have sentimental value for me. And I am sorry about that crack on the jaw. -Oh that's okay, I hardly even-- Here's the name and number of a doctor who will look at it for you. You will receive no bill. He's a good man, and thorough. -Here's the name and number of a doctor who will look at it for you. You will receive no bill. He's a good man, and thorough. That's really thoughtful but I-- -That's really thoughtful but I-- Please see him, Jeffrey. He's a good man, and thorough. -Jeffrey, you haven't gone to the doctor. No it's fine, really, uh-- -No it's fine, really, uh-- Do you have any news regarding my father's money? -Do you have any news regarding my father's money? I, uh... money, yeah, I gotta respecfully, 69 you know, tender my resignation on that matter, 'cause it looks like your mother really was kidnapped after all. -I, uh... money, yeah, I gotta respecfully, 69 you know, tender my resignation on that matter, 'cause it looks like your mother really was kidnapped after all. She most certainly was not! -She most certainly was not! Hey man, why don't you fucking listen occasionally? You might learn something. Now I got-- -Hey man, why don't you fucking listen occasionally? You might learn something. Now I got-- And please don't call her my mother. -And please don't call her my mother. Now I got-- -Now I got-- She is most definitely the perpetrator and not the victim. -She is most definitely the perpetrator and not the victim. I'm telling you, I got definitive evidence-- -I'm telling you, I got definitive evidence-- From who? -From who? The main guy, Dieter-- -The main guy, Dieter-- Dieter Hauff? -Dieter Hauff? Well--yeah, I guess-- -Well--yeah, I guess-- "Her ""co-star"" in the beaver picture?" -"Her ""co-star"" in the beaver picture?" Beaver? You mean vagina?--I mean, you know him? -Beaver? You mean vagina?--I mean, you know him? Dieter has been on the fringes of-- well, of everything in L.A., for about twenty years. Look at my LP's. Under 'Autobahn.' -Roy Orbison. . . Pink Floyd. Huh? Autobahn. A-u-t-o. Their music is a sort of--ugh--techno-pop. -Jeez. I miss vinyl. Is he pretending to be the abductor? -Is he pretending to be the abductor? Well...yeah-- -Well...yeah-- Look, Jeffrey, you don't really kidnap someone that you're acquainted with. You can't get away with it if the hostage knows who you are. -Look, Jeffrey, you don't really kidnap someone that you're acquainted with. You can't get away with it if the hostage knows who you are. Well yeah...I know that. -Well yeah...I know that. So Dieter has the money? -So Dieter has the money? Well, no, not exactly. It's a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins. Lotta outs. And a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's-- -Well, no, not exactly. It's a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins. Lotta outs. And a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's-- Do you still have that doctor's number? -Do you still have that doctor's number? Huh? No, really, I don't even have the bruise any more, I-- -Please Jeffrey. I don't want to be responsible for any delayed after- effects. Delayed after-eff-- -Delayed after-eff-- I want you to see him immediately. -Jeffrey. Maude? -Tell me a little about yourself, Jeffrey. Well, uh. . . Not much to tell. -I was, uh, one of the authors of the Port Huron Statement.--The original Port Huron Statement. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Not the compromised second draft. And then I, uh. . . Ever hear of the Seattle Seven? -Not the compromised second draft. And then I, uh. . . Ever hear of the Seattle Seven? Mmnun. -And then. . . let's see, I uh--music business briefly. Oh? -Oh? Yeah. Roadie for Metallica. Speed of Sound Tour. -Yeah. Roadie for Metallica. Speed of Sound Tour. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Bunch of assholes. And then, you know, little of this, little of that. My career's, uh, slowed down a bit lately. -Bunch of assholes. And then, you know, little of this, little of that. My career's, uh, slowed down a bit lately. What do you do for fun? -What do you do for fun? Oh, you know, the usual. Bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback. -What happened to your house? Jackie Treehorn trashed the place. Wanted to save the finder's fee. -Jackie Treehorn trashed the place. Wanted to save the finder's fee. Finder's fee? -Finder's fee? He thought I had your father's money, so he got me out of the way while he looked for it. -He thought I had your father's money, so he got me out of the way while he looked for it. It's not my father's money, it's the Foundation's. Why did he think you had it? And who does? -It's not my father's money, it's the Foundation's. Why did he think you had it? And who does? Larry Sellers, a high-school kid. Real fucking brat. -Jeffrey-- It's a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins, lotta outs. Fortunately I've been adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, limber. I'm real fucking close to your father's money, real fucking close. It's just-- -It's a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins, lotta outs. Fortunately I've been adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, limber. I'm real fucking close to your father's money, real fucking close. It's just-- I keep telling you, it's the Foundation's money. Father doesn't have any. -I keep telling you, it's the Foundation's money. Father doesn't have any. Huh? He's fucking loaded. -Huh? He's fucking loaded. No no, the wealth was all Mother's. -No no, the wealth was all Mother's. But your father--he runs stuff, he-- -But your father--he runs stuff, he-- We did let Father run one of the companies, briefly, but he didn't do very well at it. -We did let Father run one of the companies, briefly, but he didn't do very well at it. But he's-- -But he's-- He helps administer the charities now, and I give him a reasonable allowance. He has no money of his own. I know how he likes to present himself; Father's weakness is vanity. Hence the slut. -He helps administer the charities now, and I give him a reasonable allowance. He has no money of his own. I know how he likes to present himself; Father's weakness is vanity. Hence the slut. Huh. Jeez. Well, so, did he--is that yoga? -Increases? Well yes, what did you think this was all about? Fun and games? -Well yes, what did you think this was all about? Fun and games? Well...no, of course not-- -Well...no, of course not-- I want a child. -I want a child. Yeah, okay, but see, the Dude-- -Yeah, okay, but see, the Dude-- Look, Jeffrey, I don't want a partner. In fact I don't want the father to be someone I have to see socially, or who'll have any interest in rearing the child himself. -Look, Jeffrey, I don't want a partner. In fact I don't want the father to be someone I have to see socially, or who'll have any interest in rearing the child himself. Huh... -So...that doctor. Exactly. What happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn do that as well? -No, the, uh, police chief of Malibu. A real reactionary. . . So your father. . . Oh man, I get it! What? -This was, uh-- Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- -Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- This was a valued, uh. -What's your point, Walter? There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- -What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- -Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? -This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. -What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- -Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- What the fuck are you-- -What the fuck are you-- Walter, he peed on my rug-- -So who-- Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? -Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? No, but-- -No, but-- Am I wrong! -Am I wrong! Yeah, but-- -Yeah, but-- Okay. That, uh. -Donny! Please! Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- -Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? -You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? Theodore Herzel. -Theodore Herzel. Huh? -Huh? State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- -State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? -What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. -Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. What the fuck are you-- -What the fuck are you-- I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. -I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? -You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? "What do you mean ""brought it bowling""? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude." -Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. -First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. Hey man-- -Hey man-- Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! -Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? -Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. Hey Walter-- -Hey Walter-- Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. -Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. MARK IT ZERO! -Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- -You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- And you know Smokey has emotional problems! -And you know Smokey has emotional problems! You mean--beyond pacifism? -You mean--beyond pacifism? He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! -Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? No, you're not wrong-- -No, you're not wrong-- Am I wrong! -Am I wrong! You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. -Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. Just, just take it easy, Walter. -Just, just take it easy, Walter. That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. -That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. Well, just take 't easy, man. -Well, just take 't easy, man. I'm perfectly calm, Dude. -I'm perfectly calm, Dude. Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! -Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! Calmer than you are. -Yeah, but he's a fucking pervert, Dude. Huh? -Huh? The man is a sex offender. With a record. Spent six months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight- year-old. -Huh. When he moved down to Venice he had to go door-to-door to tell everyone he's a pederast. -Anyway. How much they offer you? Twenty grand. And of course I still keep the rug. -Twenty grand. And of course I still keep the rug. Just for making the hand-off? -Just for making the hand-off? Yeah. -...They gave Dude a beeper, so whenever these guys call-- What if it's during a game? -What if it's during a game? I told him if it was during league play-- -I figure it's easy money, it's all pretty harmless. I mean she probably kidnapped herself. Huh? -That...fucking...bitch! It's all a goddamn fake. Like Lenin said, look for the person who will benefit. And you will, uh, you know, you'll, uh, you know what I'm trying to say-- -Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing-- I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet-- I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter. -I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter. Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude. -Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude. Walter, face it, there isn't any connection. It's your roll. -Walter, face it, there isn't any connection. It's your roll. Have it your way. The point is-- -Have it your way. The point is-- It's your roll-- -It's your roll-- The fucking point is-- -The fucking point is-- It's your roll. -The what? The ringer! The ringer, Dude! Have they called yet? -What the hell is this? My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. -My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. Agh-- -Walter, I'm sure there's a reason you brought your dirty undies-- Thaaaat's right, Dude. The weight. The ringer can't look empty. -Thaaaat's right, Dude. The weight. The ringer can't look empty. Walter--what the fuck are you thinking? -Walter--what the fuck are you thinking? Well you're right, Dude, I got to thinking. I got to thinking why should we settle for a measly fucking twenty grand-- -Well you're right, Dude, I got to thinking. I got to thinking why should we settle for a measly fucking twenty grand-- We? What the fuck we? You said you just wanted to come along-- -We? What the fuck we? You said you just wanted to come along-- My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong? -My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong? Yes you're wrong. This isn't a fucking game, Walter-- -Yes you're wrong. This isn't a fucking game, Walter-- It is a fucking game. You said so yourself, Dude--she kidnapped herself-- -Oh shit. Walter. What the fuck is going on there? -What the fuck is going on there? They hung up, Walter! You fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands! -They hung up, Walter! You fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands! Easy, Dude. -Easy, Dude. We're screwed now! We don't get shit and they're gonna kill her! We're fucked, Walter! -We're screwed now! We don't get shit and they're gonna kill her! We're fucked, Walter! Dude, nothing is fucked. Come on. You're being very unDude. They'll call back. Look, she kidnapped her-- -Ya see? Nothing is fucked up here, Dude. Nothing is fucked. These guys are fucking amateurs-- Shutup, Walter! Don't fucking say peep when I'm doing business here. -Shutup, Walter! Don't fucking say peep when I'm doing business here. Okay Dude. Have it your way. -Yeah. So as long as we get her back, nobody's in a position to complain. And we keep the baksheesh. Terrific, Walter. But you haven't told me how we get her back. Where is she? -Terrific, Walter. But you haven't told me how we get her back. Where is she? That's the simple part, Dude. When we make the handoff, I grab the guy and beat it out of him. -...Huh? Yeah. That's a great plan, Walter. That's fucking ingenious, if I understand it correctly. That's a Swiss fucking watch. -Yeah. That's a great plan, Walter. That's fucking ingenious, if I understand it correctly. That's a Swiss fucking watch. Thaaat's right, Dude. The beauty of this is its simplicity. If the plan gets too complex something always goes wrong. If there's one thing I learned in Nam-- -FUCK. What'd he say? Where's the hand- off? -What'd he say? Where's the hand- off? There is no fucking hand-off, Walter! At a wooden bridge we throw the money out of the car! -There is no fucking hand-off, Walter! At a wooden bridge we throw the money out of the car! Huh? -Huh? We throw the money out of the moving car! -We can't do that, Dude. That fucks up our plan. Well call them up and explain it to 'em, Walter! Your plan is so fucking simple, I'm sure they'd fucking understand it! That's the beauty of it Walter! -Well call them up and explain it to 'em, Walter! Your plan is so fucking simple, I'm sure they'd fucking understand it! That's the beauty of it Walter! Wooden bridge, huh? -Wooden bridge, huh? I'm throwing the money, Walter! We're not fucking around! -I'm throwing the money, Walter! We're not fucking around! The bridge is coming up! Gimme the ringer, Dude! Chop-chop! -The bridge is coming up! Gimme the ringer, Dude! Chop-chop! Fuck that! I love you, Walter, but sooner or later you're gonna have to face the fact that you're a goddamn moron. -Fuck that! I love you, Walter, but sooner or later you're gonna have to face the fact that you're a goddamn moron. Okay, Dude. No time to argue. Here's the bridge-- -Walter! Your wheel, Dude! I'm rolling out! -Your wheel, Dude! I'm rolling out! What the fuck? -What the fuck? Your wheel! At fifteen em-pee-aitch I roll out! I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! The uzi! -Your wheel! At fifteen em-pee-aitch I roll out! I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! The uzi! Uzi? -You didn't think I was rolling out of here naked! Walter, please-- -Aitz chaim he, Dude. As the ex used to say. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the fuck're we gonna tell Lebowski? -What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the fuck're we gonna tell Lebowski? Huh? Oh, him, yeah. Well I don't see, um-- what exactly is the problem? -Huh? The problem is--what do you mean what's the--there's no--we didn't-- they're gonna kill that poor woman-- What the fuck're you talking about? That poor woman--that poor slut-- kidnapped herself, Dude. You said so yourself-- -What the fuck're you talking about? That poor woman--that poor slut-- kidnapped herself, Dude. You said so yourself-- No, Walter! I said I thought she kidnapped herself! You're the one who's so fucking certain-- -No, Walter! I said I thought she kidnapped herself! You're the one who's so fucking certain-- That's right, Dude, 1 % certain-- -Walter, what'm I gonna tell Lebowski? I told that fuck down at the league office-- who's in charge of scheduling? -I told that fuck down at the league office-- who's in charge of scheduling? Walter-- -Who gives a shit, Walter? What about that poor woman? What do we tell-- C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander back-- -Yeah, and in the meantime what do I tell Lebowski? Saturday is shabbas. Jewish day of rest. Means I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll! -That's it. I'm out of here. For Christ's sake, Dude. -But Walter, we didn't make the fucking hand- off! They didn't get, the fucking money and they're gonna-- they're gonna-- "Yeah yeah, ""kill that poor woman.""" -Walter-- Who's got a fucking million fucking dollars parked in the trunk of our car out here? -Who's got a fucking million fucking dollars parked in the trunk of our car out here? """Our"" car, Walter?" -"""Our"" car, Walter?" And what do they got, Dude? My dirty undies. My fucking whites--Say, where is the car? -You don't know, Walter? You seem to know the answer to everything else! Hmm. Well, we were in a handicapped spot. It, uh, it was probably towed. -Hmm. Well, we were in a handicapped spot. It, uh, it was probably towed. It's been stolen, Walter! You fucking know it's been stolen! -It's been stolen, Walter! You fucking know it's been stolen! Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude-- -Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude-- Aw, fuck it. -That wasn't her toe. Whose toe was it, Walter? -Whose toe was it, Walter? How the fuck should I know? I do know that nothing about it indicates-- -How the fuck should I know? I do know that nothing about it indicates-- The nail polish, Walter. -The nail polish, Walter. Fine, Dude. As if it's impossible to get some nail polish, apply it to someone else's toe-- -Fine, Dude. As if it's impossible to get some nail polish, apply it to someone else's toe-- Someone else's--where the fuck are they gonna-- -Someone else's--where the fuck are they gonna-- You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. -You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. But Walter-- -But Walter-- I'll get you a toe by this afternoon--with nail polish. These fucking amateurs. They send us a toe, we're supposed to shit our- selves with fear. Jesus Christ. My point is-- -I'll get you a toe by this afternoon--with nail polish. These fucking amateurs. They send us a toe, we're supposed to shit our- selves with fear. Jesus Christ. My point is-- They're gonna kill her, Walter, and then they're gonna kill me-- -They're gonna kill her, Walter, and then they're gonna kill me-- Well that's just, that's the stress talking, Dude. So far we have what looks to me like a series of victimless crimes-- -Well that's just, that's the stress talking, Dude. So far we have what looks to me like a series of victimless crimes-- What about the toe? -What about the toe? FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKING TOE! -Lady, I got buddies who died face- down in the muck so you and I could enjoy this family restaurant! All right, I'm leaving. I'm sorry ma'am. -All right, I'm leaving. I'm sorry ma'am. Don't run away from this, Dude! Goddamnit, this affects all of us! -I figure my only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off. Now that is ridiculous, Dude. No one is going to cut your dick off. -Now that is ridiculous, Dude. No one is going to cut your dick off. Thanks Walter. -Thanks Walter. Not if I have anything to say about it. -Not if I have anything to say about it. Yeah, thanks Walter. That gives me a very secure feeling. -Yeah, thanks Walter. That gives me a very secure feeling. Dude-- -Dude-- That makes me feel all warm inside. -That makes me feel all warm inside. Now Dude-- -Now Dude-- This whole fucking thing--I could be sitting here with just pee-stains on my rug. -They're nihilists. Huh? -Huh? They kept saying they believe in nothing. -They kept saying they believe in nothing. Nihilists! Jesus. -Yeah. And let's also not forget--let's not forget, Dude--that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city-- that isn't legal either. -And let's also not forget--let's not forget, Dude--that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city-- that isn't legal either. What're you, a fucking park ranger now? -What're you, a fucking park ranger now? No, I'm-- -No, I'm-- Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot! -Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot! --We're sympathizing here, Dude-- ---We're sympathizing here, Dude-- Fuck your sympathy! I don't need your sympathy, man, I need my fucking Johnson! -He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger-- The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose. -The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose. Near the In-and-Out Burger-- -Who the fuck is that? Huh? -Huh? Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers? -Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers? Who the f--have you ever heard of a little show called Branded, Dude? -Who the f--have you ever heard of a little show called Branded, Dude? Yeah. -Yeah. All but one man died? There at Bitter Creek? -All but one man died? There at Bitter Creek? Yeah yeah, I know the fucking show Walter, so what? -Yeah yeah, I know the fucking show Walter, so what? Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote 156 episodes, Dude. -Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote 156 episodes, Dude. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. The bulk of the series. -The bulk of the series. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Not exactly a lightweight. -Not exactly a lightweight. No. -No. And yet his son is a fucking dunce. -And yet his son is a fucking dunce. Uh. -Uh. Yeah, go figure. Well we'll go out there after the, uh, the. -Fuck me, man! That kid's already spent all the money! Hardly Dude, a new 'vette? The kid's still got, oh, 96 to 97 thousand, depending on the options. Wait in the car, Donny. -Is this your homework, Larry? Look, man, did you-- -Look, man, did you-- Dude, please!. . . Is this your homework, Larry? -Dude, please!. . . Is this your homework, Larry? Just ask him if he--ask him about the car, man! -Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry? Is the car out front yours? -Is the car out front yours? Is this your homework, Larry? -Is this your homework, Larry? We know it's his fucking homework, Walter! Where's the fucking money, you little brat? -Look, Larry. . . Have you ever heard of Vietnam? Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter! -Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter! You're going to enter a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know you stole a car-- -You're going to enter a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know you stole a car-- And the fucking money! -And the fucking money! And the fucking money. And we know that this is your homework, Larry. -Walter, if you're there, pick up the fucking phone. Pick it up, Walter, this is an emergency. I'm not-- Dude? -Dude? Walter, listen, I'm at my place, I need you to come pick me up-- -Walter, listen, I'm at my place, I need you to come pick me up-- I can't drive, Dude, it's erev shabbas. -I can't drive, Dude, it's erev shabbas. Huh? -Huh? Erev shabbas. I can't drive. I'm not even supposed to pick up the phone, unless it's an emergency. -Erev shabbas. I can't drive. I'm not even supposed to pick up the phone, unless it's an emergency. It is a fucking emergency. -It is a fucking emergency. I understand. That's why I picked up the phone. -I understand. That's why I picked up the phone. THEN WHY CAN'T YOU--fuck, never mind, just call Donny then, and ask him to-- -THEN WHY CAN'T YOU--fuck, never mind, just call Donny then, and ask him to-- Dude, I'm not supposed to make calls-- -Dude, I'm not supposed to make calls-- WALTER, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, WE GOTTA GO TO PASADENA! COME PICK ME UP OR I'M OFF THE FUCKING BOWLING TEAM! -I mean we totally fucked it up, man. We fucked up his pay-off. And got the kidnappers all pissed off, and the big Lebowski yelled at me a lot, but he didn't do anything. Huh? Well it's, sometimes the cathartic, uh. -Well it's, sometimes the cathartic, uh. I'm saying if he knows I'm a fuck- up, then why does he still leave me in charge of getting back his wife? Because he fucking doesn't want her back, man! He's had enough! He no longer digs her! It's all a show! But then, why didn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knew we didn't hand off his briefcase, but he never asked for it back. -I'm saying if he knows I'm a fuck- up, then why does he still leave me in charge of getting back his wife? Because he fucking doesn't want her back, man! He's had enough! He no longer digs her! It's all a show! But then, why didn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knew we didn't hand off his briefcase, but he never asked for it back. What's your point, Dude? -What's your point, Dude? His million bucks was never in it, man! There was no money in that briefcase! He was hoping they'd kill her! You throw out a ringer for a ringer! -His million bucks was never in it, man! There was no money in that briefcase! He was hoping they'd kill her! You throw out a ringer for a ringer! Yeah? -Yeah? Shit yeah! -Shit yeah! Okay, but how does all this add up to an emergency? -Okay, but how does all this add up to an emergency? Huh? -Huh? I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money, but my point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life and death-- -I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money, but my point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life and death-- Walter, come off it. You're not even fucking Jewish, you're-- -Walter, come off it. You're not even fucking Jewish, you're-- What the fuck are you talking about? -What the fuck are you talking about? You're fucking Polish Catholic-- -You're fucking Polish Catholic-- What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude! -What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude! Yeah, and you were-- -Yeah, and you were-- You know this! -You know this! And you were divorced five fucking years ago. -And you were divorced five fucking years ago. Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver's license? Stop being Jewish? -Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver's license? Stop being Jewish? This driveway. -This driveway. I'm as Jewish as fucking Tevye -I'm as Jewish as fucking Tevye It's just part of your whole sick Cynthia thing. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past. -It's just part of your whole sick Cynthia thing. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past. Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax-- YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I LIVE IN THE PAST! I--Jesus. What the hell happened? -AS IF WE WOULD EVER DREAM OF TAKING YOUR BULLSHIT MONEY! You thought Bunny'd been kidnapped and you could use it as a pretext to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on, and you'd just met me. You thought, hey, a deadbeat, a loser, someone the square community won't give a shit about. -It's all over, man! We call your fucking bluff! WALTER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! HE'S CRIPPLED! PUT HIM DOWN! -WALTER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! HE'S CRIPPLED! PUT HIM DOWN! Sure, I'll put him down, Dude. RAUSS! ACHTUNG, BABY!! -Oh, shit. He can't walk, Walter! -He can't walk, Walter! Yeah, I can see that, Dude. -Walter, you fuck! Shit, Dude, I didn't know. I wouldn't've done it if I knew he was a fucking crybaby. -Shit, Dude, I didn't know. I wouldn't've done it if I knew he was a fucking crybaby. We're sorry, man. We're really sorry. -Sure you'll see some tank battles. But fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. I mean 'Nam was a foot soldier's war whereas, uh, this thing should be a fucking cakewalk. I mean I had an M16, Jacko, not an Abrams fucking tank. Just me and Charlie, man, eyeball to eyeball. -I mean 'Nam was a foot soldier's war whereas, uh, this thing should be a fucking cakewalk. I mean I had an M16, Jacko, not an Abrams fucking tank. Just me and Charlie, man, eyeball to eyeball. Yeah. -Yeah. That's fuckin' combat. The man in the black pyjamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary. -Fuck you. Fuck the three of you. Hey, cool it Walter. -Hey, cool it Walter. Listen, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, man, so take it up with him. AND I'D LIKE MY UNDIES BACK! -What's mine is mine. Come on, Walter!. -Hy God! They shot him, Walter! No Dude. -No Dude. They shot Donny! -There weren't any shots. Then what's... -Then what's... It's a heart attack. -It's a heart attack. Wha. -Wha. Call the medics, Dude. -Call the medics, Dude. Wha. . . Donny-- -Wha. . . Donny-- Hurry Dude. I'd go but I'm pumping blood. Might pass out. -Walter Sobchak. The Dude, actually. Is what, uh. -Well can we-- A hundred and eighty dollars?! -We're scattering the fucking ashes! Walter-- -Walter-- JUST BECAUSE WE'RE BEREAVED DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE SAPS! -Goddamnit Walter! You fucking asshole! Dude! Dude, I'm sorry! -You make everything a fucking travesty! Dude, I'm--it was an accident! -What about that shit about Vietnam! Dude, I'm sorry-- -Dude, I'm sorry-- What the fuck does Vietnam have to do with anything! What the fuck were you talking about?! -Shit Dude, I'm sorry-- You're a fuck, Walter! -WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. -Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- Shit! -Shit! --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. -Dude here. Who is this? -Who is this? Dude the Bagman. Where do you want us to go? -Dude the Bagman. Where do you want us to go? ...Us? DUDE -Shut the fuck up. Hello? Yeah? -Yeah? Okay, listen-- -Dude here. Okay, vee proceed. But only if there is no funny stuff. -Okay, vee proceed. But only if there is no funny stuff. Yeah. -Yeah. So no funny stuff. Okay? -So no funny stuff. Okay? Hey, just tell me where the fuck you want us to go. -Dude. You are approaching a vooden britch. When you cross it you srow ze bag from ze left vindow of ze moving kar. Do not slow down. Vee vatch you. -Another Caucasian, Gary. Right, Dude. -Right, Dude. Friends like these, huh Gary. -Huh? No, she, she hit me right here. I understand sir. Could you slide your shorts down please? -Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? -You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- -Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? -I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- -So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- Did I urinate on your rug? -Did I urinate on your rug? You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- -You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? -Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- -Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- -Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- -Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? -You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- -Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- Are you employed, sir? -Are you employed, sir? Employed? -Employed? You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. -You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. Is this a--what day is this? -Is this a--what day is this? But I do work, so if you don't mind-- -But I do work, so if you don't mind-- No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- -No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. -Ah fuck it. Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! -It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? Dude. -Dude. Huh? -Huh? I don't know, sir. -I don't know, sir. Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? -Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? Sure. That and a pair of testicles. -Mind if I smoke a jay? Bunny. -'Scuse me? Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? -Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? Fuckin' A. -Fuckin' A. Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. -Where's my goddamn money, you bum?! Well we--I don't-- -Well we--I don't-- They did not receive the money, you nitwit! They did not receive the goddamn money. HER LIFE WAS IN YOUR HANDS! -C'mon man, who're you gonna believe? Those guys are--we dropped off the damn money-- WHAT?! -WHAT?! I--the royal we, you know, the editorial--I dropped off the money, exactly as per--Look, I've got certain information, certain things have come to light, and uh, has it ever occurred to you, man, that given the nature of all this new shit, that, uh, instead of running around blaming me, that this whole thing might just be, not, you know, not just such a simple, but uh--you know? -I--the royal we, you know, the editorial--I dropped off the money, exactly as per--Look, I've got certain information, certain things have come to light, and uh, has it ever occurred to you, man, that given the nature of all this new shit, that, uh, instead of running around blaming me, that this whole thing might just be, not, you know, not just such a simple, but uh--you know? What in God's holy name are you blathering about? -What in God's holy name are you blathering about? I'll tell you what I'm blathering about! I got information--new shit has come to light and--shit, man! She kidnapped herself! -Well sure, look at it! Young trophy wife, I mean, in the parlance of our times, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers-- and that's cool, that's cool-- but I'm saying, she needs money, and of course they're gonna say they didn't get it 'cause she wants more, man, she's gotta feed the monkey, I mean-- hasn't that ever occurred to you...? Sir? No. No Mr. Lebowski, that had not occurred to me. -Brandt, give him the envelope. Well, okay, if you've already made out the check. Brandt is handing him a letter-sized envelope which is distended by something inside. -Well, she's back. No thanks to you. Where's the money, Lebowski? -We know the briefcase was empty, man. We know you kept the million bucks yourself. Well, you have your story, I have mine. I say I entrusted the money to you, and you stole it. -Well? Aren't you? Well. . . yeah. -Well. . . yeah. All right, get out. Both of you. -Put me down, you son of a bitch! Walter! -You monsters! Help me put him back in his chair. -Who the hell is he? I'll tell you who I am! I'm the guy who's gonna KICK YOUR PHONY GOLDBRICKING ASS! -Look at that fucking phony, Dude! Pretending to be a fucking millionaire! I said out. Now. -I said out. Now. Let me tell you something else. I've seen a lot of spinals, Dude, and this guy is a fake. A fucking goldbricker. -This guy fucking walks. I've never been more certain of anything in my life! Stay away from me, mister! -Oh, shit. You're bullies! Cowards, both of you! -Shit, sorry man. Stay away from me! You bullies! You and these women! You won't leave a man his fucking balls! -Smokey Huh? Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. -Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. Bullshit. Eight, Dude. -Bullshit. Eight, Dude. Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. -Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. Bullshit. Walter! -Bullshit. Walter! This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. -Yeah, but-- Am I wrong!? -Am I wrong!? Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. -I'm not-- A world of pain. -Walter-- YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! -YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! -You happy, you crazy fuck? This is a league game, Smokey! -You come all the way down here to roust-- I came all the way down here same as you did. Keep from gettin' killed. Happened to see those jarheads beatin' on a good collar-- Habla Ingles, Tomas? -Tom here's my ninth hard felon of the month. Six weeks he'll be sucking gas. In three years I'll be working Central Warrants. Jewboy Deputy D.A. over there wets his pants for fighters. Promised me the next spot he can wangle. Impressive. -Impressive. Wanna hear something more impressive? My first twenty fights were stumblebums handpicked by my manager. My girlfriend saw you fight a couple times over at the Olympic. Says maybe you could take me. -Whatta we do about the Mex? We'll take 'em in the morning. -We'll take 'em in the morning. You'll take him. -You'll take him. He's half yours, partner. -He's half yours, partner. He's all yours. And I'm not your partner. -He's all yours. And I'm not your partner. Someday. -What? They tell bedtime stories about you. Blade the big, bad boogie-man. Frankly, I'm disappointed. That you were willing to come along so easily, I mean. Without any assurances. -Why? Survival. -Seems like he's doing me a favor, then. You're missing the point. Their vampire victims don't die. They turn. They become carriers. If the Reapers continue unchecked, there could be thousands of them before the month is over. Do the math. -Two years. "Then they weren't created to go after your ""patient zero""." -"Then they weren't created to go after your ""patient zero""." No. They've been training to hunt you. -You've been training two years to take me out. Here I am, the big, bad vampire hunter. So do it. What the hell are you doing, Blade? -What the hell are you doing, Blade? We're going to be working as a unit, you people will be taking orders from me. So let's get it over with. I'll give you a free shot, Reinhardt. -Where to first? The House of Pain. -This is our world you're entering. You may see things -- feeding. Just remember why you're here. I haven't forgotten. -What is it with you people and pain? We need it. Sensations are addictive and pain cuts the deepest. Tattoos, piercings, tribal scarring -- because we regenerate, none of it's permanent. So we have to take it to the next level. To remind us we're alive. -What was that? Nothing. -You're hurt. I'll heal. -I'll heal. What about Nomak? -What about Nomak? He escaped. You didn't tell me they were immune to silver and garlic. -He escaped. You didn't tell me they were immune to silver and garlic. I didn't know. -how long since he was bitten? Minutes. -Recognize him? From the surveillance footage in the bloodbank. He was one of the guard's Nomak attacked. -From the surveillance footage in the bloodbank. He was one of the guard's Nomak attacked. Which means he turned about seventy-two hours ago. -Which means he turned about seventy-two hours ago. Right. So why is he dying? He doesn't appear to have any broken bones, no entry wounds of any kind -- what's killing him? -Right. So why is he dying? He doesn't appear to have any broken bones, no entry wounds of any kind -- what's killing him? Time. -No hemoglobin left. Their metabolisms are too fast. They burn out. That's why they're having to feed so often. Their systems are self destructing. If that's true, what about Nomak? He's been alive longer than the others. -If that's true, what about Nomak? He's been alive longer than the others. Nomak's different. He's the carrier. There's something driving him beyond the Thirst. Something we're missing. -I've never seen anything like this. The Reapers are as different from us as we are from you. It's almost as if the virus is re-wiring their bodies, creating new, parasitic organs which consume the old ones. Like cancer with a purpose. -Like cancer with a purpose. Exactly. Look at the digestive system. It's been drastically simplified. Super charged. And this -- -He's right about one thing. We do have to survive. You don't have to hunt to do it. -You don't have to hunt to do it. Really? What are we supposed to do, then? Starve ourselves because we fee on others in order to live? What about that scumbag you just let off the hook? A nothing. A drug-dealer. How do you justify saving people like that? -Blade. We've got six Reapers. They're all dead. Fry 'em. -Blade. Save it. I don't want to hear your words. Let's do this NOW!!! -Each day is a little life. What? -What? """Each day is a little life. Every waking and rising a little birth, every fresh morning a little youth, every going to rest and sleep a little death.""" -Anyone else make it? I don't think so. -Thank you. For what? -For what? It would've been easy for you to let me die back there today, but you didn't. -It would've been easy for you to let me die back there today, but you didn't. I wouldn't read too much into it. -You don't want to go there. Why? -Why? Because one of us is going to kill the other before this ends. -Because one of us is going to kill the other before this ends. It doesn't have to be like that. We don't have to be enemies. -It doesn't have to be like that. We don't have to be enemies. Get real. I was useful to Damaskinos as long as the hunt was still on. Now that it's over, all bets are off. -Get real. I was useful to Damaskinos as long as the hunt was still on. Now that it's over, all bets are off. If that's true, then why'd you save me? -Why do you hate us so much? I am a hunter. A weapon. It's what I do. It's in my blood. -I am a hunter. A weapon. It's what I do. It's in my blood. Well it's in mine, too. I'm a pureblood. I wasn't turned. I was born this way. Just like you. Am I evil because I want to survive? What about a wolf? What about any predator? -You're hurting me. Pain cuts the deepest, isn't that what you said? -"It means ""bloodbrother.""" I don't understand. -How does it look? Not good. -What do you want me to do? I want to see the sun rise. -How do you feel? Like a fucking heifer took a dump in my mouth. -You came back for me. Did you think I wouldn't? -Did you think I wouldn't? Took you long enough. -Let's just hope you've kicked the Thirst for good. I'll be watching you close. You start to back-slide -- You put a bullet in my brain. Wouldn't expect anything else. -I agree. We play along for now, we might wind up learning something about how their world ticks. Either that or feeding the worms. -What do you think? Sounds like a plan. -Sounds like a plan. What do you really think? -What do you really think? These guys are shitting bricks cause they're no longer on the top of the food chain. They're going to fuck us the first chance they get. -He's right. They'll smell that you're human. Stay here, watch our backs. I don't like it. -I don't like it. I'm not giving you a choice, old man. -I thought you were supposed to be watching our backs. Ran into a little Reaper trouble myself. -Where were you, Whistler? I'll show you. -You ask me, you and Miss Muffet are getting a mite too cozy for my taste. I wouldn't worry about it. -I am worrying. Seems to me, you're starting to get confused as to which side of the line you're standing on. Pretty hollow words coming from a man who spent the last year running with the enemy. -Pretty hollow words coming from a man who spent the last year running with the enemy. What the hell is that supposed to mean? -What the hell is that supposed to mean? It means I'm starting to wonder if the vampires still have their hooks in you. You've been acting strange ever since I gave you the cure. Reckless, quick to anger -- You said it yourself, Whistler. Those vampires knew our defense system backwards and forwards. Where'd they get their intel? -Eau de suckhead. Tasty. We'll split into three units. First team that makes contact wins the prize. Try to maintain radio silence from here on out. -Your security's for shit, kid. Where the hell have you been? -Where the hell have you been? Just out connecting a few dots. -What's your problem, Whistler? Why don't you ask your girlfriend? -I did some checking on that Carter Stevens character. That familiar of theirs who claimed he was with the NIH? Turns out he used to work for them, but he doesn't anymore. Then who does he work for? -Come on, Blade. Talk to me! Blood... -And so will we. Look, I care about the humans who are dying, not you, got it? -Look, I care about the humans who are dying, not you, got it? Spare me the race card, OJ. We're not going out into the sun. It's too risky. -Spare me the race card, OJ. We're not going out into the sun. It's too risky. You don't have a choice. You're just going to have to protect yourselves as best you can. -Must be hundreds of these skeletons here. So? -So? So I think you people may have underestimated how many Reapers you're dealing with. -Put it back in park, Blade. Thought you were dead. -Thought you were dead. Seems like there's a lot of that going around these days. -It has been said, you may have enemies whom you hate, but not enemies whom you despise. Be proud of your enemy: then his success shall be yours, too. In that regard, I should thank you. For what? -You want me to hunt them for you. Not alone. -The genetic material you spliced into Nomak -- Where did you get it? I should think that would be obvious at this point. -True, but thanks to you, we know his weakness. We can keep him contained. It's just a matter of time before we hunt him down. Too bad you're out of it. -And why is that? Revenge. That's what Nomak wanted all along. To pay back the people who created him. -You got something in mind, Blade? Ultra-rapid detox. They use it on heroin addicts, make 'em go cold-turkey in one night. -Gonna try and OD Whistler on a retroviral cure. I don't know about this, man -- -Motion sensors. Looks like Zone Three. Human? -So you're going to do this? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Isn't that how the saying goes? -What's going on? He was here. Watching us. -He was here. Watching us. Nomak? -Nomak? He wants us to know he's hunting us now. -Kiss your ass goodbye, Reinhardt. You're wasting your time, Blade. The flechette's a dud. -So that's down and dirty. Got anything to say for yourself? Two things. One, I was on to you the moment they turned you. And two -- I switched that dud of yours back with the real one. -Hey, hey! The fuck you doing?! Getting your attention, Paco. -Getting your attention, Paco. Well you've got it, warmblood. Now what the fuck are you gonna do with it? -Oh yeah? Like how little? In case you hadn't noticed, we lost two men while you were out farting around. You need to ratchet those 'nads of yours down a few notches, paco. -Listen, hillbilly, you are a cunt-hair away from cowboy heaven. Ain't no thing but a chicken wing, buttercup. -We want to attract them, not scare them off. Yeah, but you fangs can see in the dark. What am I supposed to do? -What the fuck you doing? Ain't nobody here but you and me, chicken wing. I'd say this is as good a time as any to settle up. -His name is Jared Nomak. Thiavolos, as we used to say in Greece. The Devil. Pure Thirst. Nothing more. He was born a vampire, but he is an anomaly. Like you. Unlike the rest of us, however, he feeds on not just humans, but vampires as well. -I would hate to think you were losing your perspective. Who do you think God favors in the web? The spider or the fly? Nomak said something to Blade in Greek. Athelfiki singenia ex amato. Where did he learn that? -Nomak said something to Blade in Greek. Athelfiki singenia ex amato. Where did he learn that? From his father, of course. -From his father, of course. You experimented on your own, son? -We're locked in. Are you insane? He'll kill us both! -Are you insane? He'll kill us both! Maybe it's better that way. -Yes? They've made contact with the Reapers. -They've made contact with the Reapers. Any casualties? -Any casualties? Two so far. -An inevitability, I suppose. Nyssa was not among them, I trust. No. This is a dangerous game, you're playing, Damaskinos. -No. This is a dangerous game, you're playing, Damaskinos. Any game worthy of being played is. One must be patient. In this way, I have outlived my enemies. All of them. -You worry too much, Stevens. I have assurance from our friend inside that events are unfolding as scripted. As scripted? You've already lost two of your own. How many more are you willing to sacrifice? -I see from your questionnaire that you don't have any immediate next of kin? Not that I'm in contact with. -Not that I'm in contact with. Nobody to call in case of an emergency? -Nobody to call in case of an emergency? No -- Does that mean I can't be a donor? -No -- Does that mean I can't be a donor? It depends. We came up with some unusual results on your blood test. -Your blood has a very rare phenotype, one that's quite valuable to people like us. Us? What are you talking about? -Tell me something, Skid -- Scud. -Scud. Whatever -- What'd you do to the Charger? -Whatever -- What'd you do to the Charger? The pimp-mobile? Just made a few after market modifications. Nitrous-oxide injection system, forged aluminum pistons and crankshaft, higher flowing fuel pump. -The pimp-mobile? Just made a few after market modifications. Nitrous-oxide injection system, forged aluminum pistons and crankshaft, higher flowing fuel pump. Gave it a more aggressive exhaust profile ramping. -Gave it a more aggressive exhaust profile ramping. Fuck yeah. Whole package'll crank this betty up another three-hundred horsepower. -Fuck yeah. Whole package'll crank this betty up another three-hundred horsepower. And you'll burn the damn thing out before your next fucking oil change. -Where'd you dig up this shit-bird anyway? Look, what's your problem? -Hey, you think I don't know what's at stake here? We practically compromised our whole operation to save your puckered old ass! And for what? Our operation?! Our operation?! I built this operation, you fucking turd stain. -This whole deal's giving me a serious case of the butt-willies. Look, kid, they obviously found your base of operations. If it was a trap, why flip their dicks by announcing themselves? -The hell are you fiddling with there? Tweaked the phosphor rod, modified the collimated beam, wanna concentrate the light, get something like a UV laser going. -Tweaked the phosphor rod, modified the collimated beam, wanna concentrate the light, get something like a UV laser going. You're wasting your time, already been tried. -You're wasting your time, already been tried. Yeah, but you didn't have the Scudster working on it, did you? -Yeah, but you didn't have the Scudster working on it, did you? Nope. Back then we did not. -Nope. Back then we did not. So how long have you known Blade, anyway? -So how long have you known Blade, anyway? Going on twenty years now. -Going on twenty years now. Blade doesn't talk about the old days much. -Blade doesn't talk about the old days much. Blade doesn't talk about anything much. What about you, though? -Pretty. "I was backpacking. Hooked up with these two chicks who were off to see the Burning Man festival. We were gonna take ""E"", have ourselves a little freeball out in the desert. You know the riff, ""Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me, but --""" -What about you? You're not coming? After last night? Dude, I'm a lover, not a fighter. -Yeah, your little cootchie knew. You little shit. When did they get to you? -You little shit. When did they get to you? Back when Blade had me hunting down your puckered old ass. What's up with your hair, anyway? Fucking Willie Nelson look-a-like? -Whistler! Are we bringing home strays now? -She's been bitten. You should've killed her, then. -You should've killed her, then. She hasn't turned yet. You can help her. -I had to increase the dose. You're building up a resistance to the serum -- Just do it, old man. -Stupidity. Maybe not. I did some checking, she's a hematologist. Knowledge like that might come in handy. -Maybe not. I did some checking, she's a hematologist. Knowledge like that might come in handy. It's not worth the risk. We can't trust her. -Get in. You’re leaving. Wait. -What took you so long? Don't even start, old man. -Going somewhere? China Town. I need more serum. What's all this? -Don't try to talk -- Listen. You have to -- finish me off. You don't want me coming back. -Listen. You have to -- finish me off. You don't want me coming back. No, we can treat the wounds -- -Whistler, I -- I know. Just be quick about it, will you? Do it right. -Beautiful day, isn't it? How can you be out here? -How can you be out here? I dabble in pharmaceuticals, medical research. We've developed a type of sun-blocker using octyl salicylate, a few others things. -"It's not very effective in direct sunlight, but it's a start. The goal, of course, is to be like you, ""the Day-walker""." I don't buy it. -I don't buy it. Why not? The future of our race runs through your bloodstream. You've got the best of both worlds, Blade. All of our strengths and none of our weaknesses. -Why not? The future of our race runs through your bloodstream. You've got the best of both worlds, Blade. All of our strengths and none of our weaknesses. Maybe I don't see it that way. -Maybe I don't see it that way. Oh, so it's back to pretending we're human again, is it? Spare me the Uncle Tom routine. You can't keep denying what you are. You're one of us, Blade. You always have been. -Oh, so it's back to pretending we're human again, is it? Spare me the Uncle Tom routine. You can't keep denying what you are. You're one of us, Blade. You always have been. You're wrong. -You're wrong. Am I? You think the humans will ever accept a half-breed like you? They can't. They're afraid of you. The humans fear us because we're superior. They fear us because in their hearts they know their race has become obsolete. -The pause that refreshes -- Care for some? Smells good, doesn't it? Pungent, with just an irrepressible hint of iron. Pass. -Pass. You sure now? I bled a newborn for this. You won't find a drink that's sweeter. -You're not going anywhere. Watch me. -No longer. Frost!!! -Who dies first? Take him. -Guess you're not quite as invulnerable as you thought. You're wrong -- a few minutes more, and my transition will be complete. Even your sword won't be able to affect me then. -You're wrong -- a few minutes more, and my transition will be complete. Even your sword won't be able to affect me then. You don't have a few minutes, Frost. -You're too human, Blade. It's because I'm human that I can do this. -Is something wrong, my friend? You're blind -- -You're blind -- There are other ways to see. Sit. -Hold out your hands. I didn't come here to get my palms read. I need something translated. -I didn't come here to get my palms read. I need something translated. Show me. -This is an old tongue, from an old world. It concerns LaMagra. Who is LaMagra? -Who is LaMagra? The vampire God. This speaks of His return. -"The Day Walker's blood is a disparador -- a trigger, you see? For LaMagra's return. One need only consume it and the spirit of his ancestors will settle upon him. ""And the Sleeper will rise from the shadows anew, cleansing the world in a Tide of Blood.""" """The Blood Tide""." -"""The Blood Tide""." Yes. The vampire apocalypse. It is said that all who feel its taint will succumb to the Thirst. -Yes. The vampire apocalypse. It is said that all who feel its taint will succumb to the Thirst. How do I stop it? -I am tired. Dawn is coming. But I just got here -- -But I just got here -- You've been here longer than you think. -You shouldn't be here. I'm sorry, I -- --- he's a vampire. You're joking -- -Why? Because you're tainted. The venom's still inside you. You could still turn on us. -Because you're tainted. The venom's still inside you. You could still turn on us. What happens then? -And you honestly expect me to believe all this? I don't care what you believe. I saved your life once, I don't plan on making a habit of it. You want my advice, you'll be out of the city by nightfall. If you're stupid enough to stay, that's your business. -I don't care what you believe. I saved your life once, I don't plan on making a habit of it. You want my advice, you'll be out of the city by nightfall. If you're stupid enough to stay, that's your business. I can't just leave. I have a life here, a career -- -I can't just leave. I have a life here, a career -- Not anymore. You've seen one of them. You won't be allowed to live after that. -I can go to the police. I have blood samples back at the hospital. I can show them. Do it. You'll be dead before you can file the complaint. -Do it. You'll be dead before you can file the complaint. That's ridiculous! No one's that powerful. -How did you know? Figured they'd send someone after you. Thought I'd wait around and see who showed up. -Figured they'd send someone after you. Thought I'd wait around and see who showed up. You used me as bait?! -You used me as bait?! It worked, didn't it? -It worked, didn't it? But, he could've -- -But, he could've -- He didn't. Get over it. -But he's a policeman -- He's a familiar. A human who works for the vampires. See this mark? -That's a glyph, kind of like a vampire cattle brand. That means Officer Friendly here is someone's property. Any of the other vampire's try to bleed him, they'll have to answer to Friendly's owner -- This glyph belongs to Deacon Frost. We've been tracking him for a while now -- Why in God's name would anyone want to work for them? -Why in God's name would anyone want to work for them? Because they're vampire wanna-bes. If they're loyal, if they prove themselves, then their masters will turn them. -Because they're vampire wanna-bes. If they're loyal, if they prove themselves, then their masters will turn them. And that's a good thing? -And that's a good thing? For some. Live forever, never get old. The ultimate high. -What are you doing?! Preventive medicine. -You can't do this, he's human, it's murder. It's war, now get the fuck out of the way! -Look, if what you say is true, if there's a chance I could turn into one of them, then I've got no choice, do I? I have to work with you. I need to learn everything I can about them. It's the only way I'll be able to find a cure for myself. There is no cure. -There is no cure. You don't know that. -What are you looking at? What do you see here? -What do you see here? Graffiti -- -Graffiti -- Look closer. -I know this place -- it's a blood bank. Owned by vampires. There's one of these in every major city, and just like Domino's, they always deliver. You telling me you're ready to walk through that door? -You let him go -- An hour ago you were ready to kill a man for less, this one didn't even talk. He will. -Looks like we hit pay-dirt. This place is crawling with them. See the valets over there? They're vampires. So is the doorman. How can you tell? -How can you tell? The way they move, they way they smell -- -So many of them -- I still can't believe they're real. There are worse things than vampires out there. -There are worse things than vampires out there. Like what? -Like what? Like me. -What is this place? Some kind of archive -- -Some kind of archive -- Isn't this all a little high-tech? I thought vampires were more into cobwebs and coffins. -Isn't this all a little high-tech? I thought vampires were more into cobwebs and coffins. You've been watching too much TV. They've got their claws sunk into everything -- finance, real estate, politics. Probably own half of Downtown. -You're hurt -- Nothing that won't heal by dawn. -What am I injecting you with? Serum -- it's a human hemoglobin substitute. -It's dark in here. You get used to the darkness. -I can't close my eyes without hearing her scream. Those aren't real memories. No one has that kind of recall. -Those aren't real memories. No one has that kind of recall. I do. I remember from day one. People staring at me, sensing I was different. Watching the fear grow in their eyes, knowing in their hearts I wasn't human. -I do. I remember from day one. People staring at me, sensing I was different. Watching the fear grow in their eyes, knowing in their hearts I wasn't human. If you're not human, then why do you bleed like us? I've seen vampire blood, you don't have it running through your veins. -Just get out of here. Blade -- -I made a trip to the hospital last night, borrowed some equipment. For your miracle cure? -Is he sick? Cancer. -You care about him, don't you? We've got a good arrangement, that's all. Whistler makes the weapons, I use them, the vampires die -- end of story. -My mother used to say that a cold heart is a dead heart. Your mother sounds like a Hallmark greeting card. -Any progress? Some. It's been slow -- -Some. It's been slow -- You don't look so good. -You don't look so good. I'm just tired, that's all. We've been up all night. -For what it's worth, I'm sorry. You make it sound like I'm already dead. -Are you all right? I've been better -- -I've been better -- How long have we been driving? -How long have we been driving? I don't know. I woke up just before you did -- -Is it bad? We get out of this alive, maybe I'll take that miracle cure of yours. -It won't work on you. What are you talking about? -Get out of here -- I'm not leaving without you. -I'm not leaving without you. You don't understand. The Thirst -- --- tearing me -- apart. I know. Take some of my blood. -I know. Take some of my blood. No -- -No -- It's the only way. You know that. We'll never get out of here alive if you don't. -I can't -- I won't be able to stop -- Yes you will. The human side of you is stronger. I know it is. -I never imagined I'd be so happy to see the sun rise -- It's over, isn't it? For them. But for me -- -How's it going, Kam? You're a week early. -You're a week early. I was in the neighborhood. -Whistler says I'm building up a resistance to it. I was afraid that might happen. -I was afraid that might happen. Maybe it's time to start exploring other alternatives. -Maybe it's time to start exploring other alternatives. There's only one alternative to the serum. -But you -- died -- Deacon brought me back. -Deacon brought me back. Fight him -- -Please -- Listen to your father, Jason. It's going to be a better world. -How could you be a part of this? These are my people now. I'm one of them. -These are my people now. I'm one of them. You don't have to be. -You don't have to be. You don't understand. I've killed, I've hunted, and I've enjoyed it. -I wish you could see the world as I do. Deacon opened my eyes. There's no turning back from that. I don't believe that. -I don't believe that. You will. Time is on our side. Sooner or later, the Thirst always wins. -This isn't human blood. Then what is it? -Then what is it? I don't know -- Look at this blood smear -- -The red blood cells are biconvex, which is theoretically impossible. They're hypochromic, there's virtually no hemoglobin in them. Look at the PMNs, they're binucleated, they should be mononucleated. What about the chemistry panel? -Curtis, it's three in the morning. I'm really not in the mood for one of your practical jokes. It's not a joke. I've got the stiff sitting in the morgue right now -- look, just come up and see him, okay? Five minutes, that's all I ask. -It's not a joke. I've got the stiff sitting in the morgue right now -- look, just come up and see him, okay? Five minutes, that's all I ask. I thought you promised to give me some distance? -I thought you promised to give me some distance? This is purely professional curiosity, Karen, I swear. -"Five minutes, not a second more. And I don't want to hear a word about ""us""." No problem. -You haven't started in on the internal organs? Just the blood sample from the pericardial sac. -That's weird -- What? -What? He looks different now, burns are less extreme, some of these wounds have closed up -- -Tell me something, honestly, you ever have second thoughts about us? Sometimes -- --- but then I remember what an ass-hole you were and I'm snapped back to reality. Jesus, Karen, you're breaking my heart here -- -Blade. Once again, our interests have fallen victim to his ridiculous crusade. He must be destroyed. You're wrong, Dragonetti. -The Day Walker represents a unique opportunity. We'd be fools to waste it by killing him. Deacon Frost. You refuse to speak our language, you insult the House of Erebus by using the humans' gutter-tongue, have you no respect for tradition? -Deacon Frost. You refuse to speak our language, you insult the House of Erebus by using the humans' gutter-tongue, have you no respect for tradition? Why should I respect something which has outlived its purpose? -"I see. And what would you have us do with this ""half-breed""?" Study him. Unlock the secrets of his DNA. He's the key we've been looking for. -Study him. Unlock the secrets of his DNA. He's the key we've been looking for. He is an abomination! -The shadows suit us, Frost. We've existed this way for thousands of years. Who are you to challenge our ways? Someone who's sick of living off scraps. The coming age belongs to us, not the humans! When the final war between our races comes, who do you want leading the charge? -These archives are restricted to members of the House of Erebus. Please. You and the other Elders wouldn't know what to do with these texts if your lives depended on it. Which, of course, they do. -Please. You and the other Elders wouldn't know what to do with these texts if your lives depended on it. Which, of course, they do. You're wasting your time, Frost. Far greater scholars than you have tried to decipher these words. Whatever secrets they hold have been lost. -You're wasting your time, Frost. Far greater scholars than you have tried to decipher these words. Whatever secrets they hold have been lost. Perhaps. -How do you like that? Right on time. The other elders will never let you get away with this! -How many of you are there? A few thousand scattered about the globe. In the past, we've had to restrict our numbers for fear of discovery. That won't be necessary after tonight. -A few thousand scattered about the globe. In the past, we've had to restrict our numbers for fear of discovery. That won't be necessary after tonight. What happens then? -What happens then? The Blood Tide. Our long-prophesied holy war against the humans. There's a force, you see -- a spirit that exists in our blood. I've discovered a way to invoke it. -The Blood Tide. Our long-prophesied holy war against the humans. There's a force, you see -- a spirit that exists in our blood. I've discovered a way to invoke it. LaMagra -- -LaMagra -- That's right. The answers were there all along, of course, scribbled down in the forgotten languages of my kind. Waiting for someone with the patience to decipher them. My elders were foolish enough to dismiss them as wives tales. But I knew better. Imagine my surprise when Blade turned out to be the key which would set that force free. -LaMagra isn't a physical being. He's a spirit, requiring a flesh and blood host in order to manifest himself. You. -You. Who better to usher in the Blood Tide? -There's no need for any of this. Your condition can be treated. Whistler and I were working on a cure when -- What makes you think we want to be cured? Blood is only part of the equation. The hunt, the killing, that's what the Thirst is really about. -What makes you think we want to be cured? Blood is only part of the equation. The hunt, the killing, that's what the Thirst is really about. But you use blood banks -- -But you use blood banks -- Only as a last resort. Preserved blood is inferior. There's no flavor left to it, no life. Fortunately, I've found a way around that particular obstacle. -You're a monster. Why? Because we live at another species' expense? Your people farm cattle and veal, don't they? Fattening them up with steroids? It's called evolution, Doctor. Survival of the fittest. -Blade -- You're wasting your breath, woman. He can't hear you now. It's the Thirst, you see? It already has him in its grip. -I was wrong about you, Blade. You were never one of us. You're a traitor to your race. Get away from him! -What -- ? You've been bitten by a vampire. We've got to try and burn out the venom, just like a rattlesnake bite -- -Who are you people? My name is Abraham Whistler. This is Blade. As for our little homunculus here -- -So what do you use, then? A stake? Some of the old wives' tales are true -- they're severely allergic to silver, various types of wood. Feed them garlic and they'll go into anaphylactic shock -- -Consider it a parting gift. Vampire mace -- silver nitrate, essence of garlic. So that's it? You guys just patch me up and send me on my way? -So that's it? You guys just patch me up and send me on my way? There is one other thing. I'd buy yourself a gun if I were you. If you start becoming sensitive to the daylight, if you start becoming thirsty regardless of much you've had to drink -- then I suggest you take that gun and use it on yourself. Better that, than the alternative. -We keep in radio contact. You've been listening in the whole time? -You've been listening in the whole time? You think I'd let him run loose without a chaperone? Blade ferrets their rat-holes out, I map them. Then we blow them all to kingdom come. -Whistler! Go on, I'll be fine! -Why didn't you tell me the truth about him? We weren't sure we could trust you. -Blade's unique, you know. A one in a billion anomaly. He can withstand sunlight, garlic, even silver. But he still has the Thirst. What happens if he doesn't take the serum? -What happens if he doesn't take the serum? The Thirst overcomes him, just like the others. It's not something he can control. The problem is, time's running out. His body's starting to reject the serum. And so far, all my efforts to find a cure have ended in failure -- -The Thirst overcomes him, just like the others. It's not something he can control. The problem is, time's running out. His body's starting to reject the serum. And so far, all my efforts to find a cure have ended in failure -- No offense, Whistler, but you're not exactly working with state of the art equipment here. You might have missed something. -No offense, Whistler, but you're not exactly working with state of the art equipment here. You might have missed something. Which is why you're here. We could use someone with your experience. -Why do you hunt them? Habit, mostly, just like this. -I had a family once -- a wife, three daughters. Then a drifter named Deacon Frost came calling one evening -- He killed them? -He killed them? Eventually. He toyed with them first. He made me choose, do you understand? Which order they would die in -- -How did you escape? I didn't. He was cruel enough to let me live. Even gave me a souvenir to remember him by. -And now you're using Blade to exact your revenge? Frost's bodycount keeps rising, and I'm not getting any younger, am I? -I wouldn't go in there if I were you. It's best to leave him alone when he's like this. I'll take my chances. -All right, let's start with the basics -- why do vampires need to drink blood? Their own blood can't sustain hemoglobin. -Their own blood can't sustain hemoglobin. Then vampirism is a genetic defect, just like Hemolytic anemia? -Basically you'd have to re-write the victim's DNA, alter it so that the DNA will produce proteins capable of generating hemoglobin. How? -How? With a retrovirus. It's injected into the bone marrow cells, it causes the host's DNA to mutate. They've been using them to treat Sickle-cell anemia. -On me, yes. On Blade, I'm not so sure -- The problem is, Blade didn't contract the vampire virus from a bite like I did. He was born with it. The irony is, I could probably cure every vampire but him. Then we're back to square one, aren't we? Sooner or later, the Thirst always wins. -What happened to the power? I don't know, but the back-up generator should've kicked in. ---and if she ever did-- --which she may have-- ---or incredibly fucking naive. Hey, folklore-- -Why don't you just cut it down and count the goddamn rings--who cares? Because it means the tree is older than the house. -'Give you a hand. I think my sleep for the night just ended. Join the club. -I need you to talk to me, talk to me about the dreams--about James, the other boys. I don't...I don't understand them myself. -I don't...I don't understand them myself. Try, please, Anna-- -Try, please, Anna-- --bad boys, mean boys, cowardly boys--just like Domini. ---bad boys, mean boys, cowardly boys--just like Domini. What do you mean? -What do you mean? A coward too. That's why she had to go. -A coward too. That's why she had to go. What happened to her, where did she go? -What happened to her, where did she go? Don't know--just that she was afraid-- -Don't know--just that she was afraid-- --Anna-- -What, are you alright? My eye, is there something in my eye? -Not that I can see. Closer. Lift the lid and look-- it hurts. -No. Closer. -You killed Domini, didn't you, witch?? I'm not a witch, you're all crazy! ---Jamie Kurth, Jonathan Edmunds-- --my God, Nick??? -Please! Please...? I haven't done anything. Bullshit! Talk! -Bullshit! Talk! Nick!! -Domini? Yes. -Yes. What're you doing there? -What're you doing there? Trying to find the energy. -Trying to find the energy. Inside the grave? -Inside the grave? To stand up--I'm exhausted. Been on the road since yesterday. -Her father's Sheriff of Taos County. Sometimes. Where are we going? ---stop it! Stop talking about it! I'm gonna freak! I just wanna go home. -Why? Any number of reasons--pick one, it's as good as the other. -Any number of reasons--pick one, it's as good as the other. I was out hiking, camping the past two days--that's what did it--I killed it-- -I was out hiking, camping the past two days--that's what did it--I killed it-- --doubtful, Mrs. Leavitt. The main thing to remember is, whatever the reason, it was for the best-- it meant something was wrong. ---doubtful, Mrs. Leavitt. The main thing to remember is, whatever the reason, it was for the best-- it meant something was wrong. Something was wrong. -Something was wrong. Look, this is not my field of expertise. You seem stabilized, but why take any chances? Let's keep you overnight and have the Staff obstetrician do a follow-up tomorrow. -Look, this is not my field of expertise. You seem stabilized, but why take any chances? Let's keep you overnight and have the Staff obstetrician do a follow-up tomorrow. I guess-- -No! Mrs. Leavitt-- -Mrs. Leavitt-- --I'm not staying here! ---I'm not staying here! Let's talk to your husband-- -Let's talk to your husband-- --he's not my husband! -"Shit? This is from ""Josh's Blair Witch Mix,"" man!" Down or off--you're giving me a migraine. -Down or off--you're giving me a migraine. Christ. -"Just trying to set the mood for the mission--get the ""feeling.""" Only thing I'm feeling is homicidal. -The bitched-out babe in back here is one Anna Tassio--we met one dark and stormy night in a Blair Witch chat room, we all did-- --Christ almighty-- ---Christ almighty-- --but she was nicer then--sweeter-- she hadn't vomited twice already like today-- ---but she was nicer then--sweeter-- she hadn't vomited twice already like today-- "--it's called ""morning sickness,"" asshole--" -"--it's called ""morning sickness,"" asshole--" --a six week bun in the oven-- -'Thought those all got stolen. Guess they thought it was safe to put some up again. -Guess they thought it was safe to put some up again. Think again. -Why are we here? She e-mailed me yesterday this is where we should meet her. -She e-mailed me yesterday this is where we should meet her. Who? -What's she look like? No idea, just talked to her on the 'Net--she's very good. ---how old? I dunno, probably right up there, based on her resume. -I dunno, probably right up there, based on her resume. Then there she blows. -"""The Voiiiiices made him do it.""" The Witch's voice. -Where they found the backpacks and all the film a year later. Buried deep under 200 years worth of soil, ash, and compost layers. -Oak? No. What's it doing here in the middle of the foundation? -Yeah, so? So whoever built this-- -This is funny?? This is tens of thousands of fucking dollars! You pricks! I'll see you in fucking court!! Not the only things missing, Nick. ---nothing left to play 'em on, honey. Oh, sorry, right. -Oh, sorry, right. You can be goddamn sure, though, I'm going to be looking at every second of 'em when I get back to Baltimore--I get proof who stole my shit and I call the cops! -You can be goddamn sure, though, I'm going to be looking at every second of 'em when I get back to Baltimore--I get proof who stole my shit and I call the cops! We're ticketed to fly back from Baltimore, anyway. -Druid Hill Park. That's a joke? -That's a joke? That's its name. A pastoral glade gamboling with crackheads and homeless and averaging at least one homicide a week. -Looks like business is booming. There's some stuff that's hard to part with. Editing's stuff's up there-- ---the witch kills children-- I haven't killed any-- -Hang you like the witch you are, unless-- --Nick!! -Cheery little place. It's like traveling back in time. -"Whatzername--the ""psychic"" Anna hired." Domini. Domini Von Teer. -So says her website. She is--she's helped solve a bunch of murders: Arizona, New Mexico-- -Jesus. What? -What? That's not whatzername--it's Mary Brown. -No, the kids were actors, the townspeople were real. Her, the Sheriff, the Convenience Store guy-- --whatever; that's her. ---myth-- --doesn't just pop out of thin air. It spins off of real events. At some point there was a Blair Witch-- ---doesn't just pop out of thin air. It spins off of real events. At some point there was a Blair Witch-- --or one huge attack of group hysteria. -No. You sure? -You sure? Yes. ---chalked just hours ago by ancient adolescents. It's called vandalism. What is this? -That's a sapling--this mother's got to be three hundred years old, minimum. It's a sketch, Anna--it's not to- scale cartography; the tree was not the kids' focus-- -It's a sketch, Anna--it's not to- scale cartography; the tree was not the kids' focus-- --do you agree it's that old, Nick? ---do you agree it's that old, Nick? Okay, fine, whatever, yes--it's an old tree. ---brother of Rustin Parr's maternal grandfather, somewhere after 1858-- --whoever--they built an entire house around a tree. Sticking up right through the living room. Somebody like to explain that to me? ---whoever--they built an entire house around a tree. Sticking up right through the living room. Somebody like to explain that to me? The rest of the family was crazy as Rusty Parr. -The rest of the family was crazy as Rusty Parr. Oh, c'mon--even you have to admit this is weird. -Oh, c'mon--even you have to admit this is weird. No--this is weird. -Your parents didn't have a bigger one? It was free--I recall that was the chief selling point for you. -It was free--I recall that was the chief selling point for you. No offense, sweetheart: fuck you. -No offense, sweetheart: fuck you. You know, Nick, you've been something of a total asshole the past few days. -You know, Nick, you've been something of a total asshole the past few days. Pardon me, I've had a few things on my mind--like putting this safari together. -Pardon me, I've had a few things on my mind--like putting this safari together. Like how weirded-out you are with this pregnancy thing. -Like how weirded-out you are with this pregnancy thing. Let's just leave it at: it was one hell of a surprise. -Let's just leave it at: it was one hell of a surprise. You don't want it though. -You don't want it though. Your body, your call. -Your body, your call. "Why is there no ""our"" here?" -"Why is there no ""our"" here?" Could we take this up later--like indoors, without half the world listening? -Could we take this up later--like indoors, without half the world listening? You feel no need to get married or anything. -You feel no need to get married or anything. Anna-- -Anna-- --fine, later, fine. -What? "You said the name ""James.""" -"You said the name ""James.""" I don't know. -Baby names? I don't know. Nightmare. -I don't know. Nightmare. You want me to scooch over next to you? -You want me to scooch over next to you? Yes. ---or someone-- --scared the living shit out of us. -This is a goddamn disaster. Let's just pack it up and go. I want to see the tapes. -I want to see the tapes. And what do you possibly think you're going to fucking see there? -And what do you possibly think you're going to fucking see there? No idea. But if that's all we've got left-- -I think we get the gist. We've looked at half of one tape. -For once could you just sit down, shut up, and give something a chance? We're leaving--case dismissed for lack of evidence. Maybe on the ride home we can figure how the fuck we're going to graduate with no thesis. -We're leaving--case dismissed for lack of evidence. Maybe on the ride home we can figure how the fuck we're going to graduate with no thesis. I'm not going anywhere, 'til-- -I'm not going anywhere, 'til-- --bullshit! ---now c'mon! Get your goddamn-- -We'll stay overnight, get a hotel-- --Cotter's-- -What can I get you? Sleep. -Nothing. I dunno-- --you should get back into bed. ---you should get back into bed. I guess, yeah. -Was that you laughing? What? -What? Just now? -Just now? No. -No. Just...try and go back to sleep. -Just...try and go back to sleep. I get dreams. I don't like 'em. -I get dreams. I don't like 'em. What'd you dream? -What'd you dream? Little boys. Looking up my skirt as I danced. Giggling. -Little boys. Looking up my skirt as I danced. Giggling. Here. -I don't know what it is, but there is something happening here, and it's starting to scare the living shit out me, and look, I'm just not going to argue the point anymore--you want to stay here, stay, but I've got to get the fuck out of here, and I'm begging you to come with me. I can't. -I can't. Then I'm going-- -Then I'm going-- --no, you're not. You love me too much. You don't want to see them kill me. -I want to see something! Whatever you want. -Whatever you want. The clothes--take 'em off-- I want to see every square inch-- -The clothes--take 'em off-- I want to see every square inch-- --no, what's wrong with you? -Are you marked like this?? Why? -Why? I see for proof positive you're the goddamn witch-- ---like you hurt the baby-- --what're you saying?? I didn't have anything to do with-- -Oh, Jesus, no-- --fuck your bullshit pieties! You were the next to die, asshole! -You're gonna owe me the rest of your life, bud. I know, I know. -I know, I know. Beta Cam's still coming back tomorrow, right? -Absolutely. Before 5:00-- -Before 5:00-- --hours before-- ---hours before-- --Christ, they find out I let you have it for the weekend-- ---Christ, they find out I let you have it for the weekend-- --no one'll ever know. -This is what you wanted enhanced? Yeah. -Yeah. You mind me asking: why the fuck? -You mind me asking: why the fuck? The, uh, blur there. -The, uh, blur there. Looks like a rope. -I know you're in there, you piece of shit! You have to go. -You have to go. Not until I get that Beta Cam back! We're both in a world of shit here!! -Not until I get that Beta Cam back! We're both in a world of shit here!! I can't. -I can't. It's my fucking job, man!! -It's my fucking job, man!! I can't let you in. -You want a hand? I want amphetamines. -Beer and weed is what I've got. Both. Now. -So, I hear you're from New Mexico! Sometimes. ---last thing I remember were those four clowns shooting the movie-- --yeah, the goddamn stoners! Who you think stole the stuff!? -One set. Everything from midnight on-- --no, I think they're all in there. -How'd you know they were-- --hunch. Just sort've saw 'em there. ---hunch. Just sort've saw 'em there. My ass--you saw those four fucking baboons put 'em there! -My ass--you saw those four fucking baboons put 'em there! No. -I don't think it was them. Oh, who did then? Blair Witch? Snatching equipment to make her own sequel? -Oh, who did then? Blair Witch? Snatching equipment to make her own sequel? I don't know yet. -I don't know yet. Well, please keep me fucking informed! -Hey, chill, man-- --there's something here, Nick-- -Something happened to Anna in Burkittsville, in the woods, I don't know. What? That made her lose the baby? -What? That made her lose the baby? Something. Someone. -This is a little nuts. Turn the tapes back on. -Turn the tapes back on. Fine. -Does it hurt? Like hell. Play the goddamn tape. -There, what? I didn't see anything. Back it up, rewind, whatever you call it. -Back it up, rewind, whatever you call it. Fine. -Okay, a blur. Can you zoom it or something, make it real close, real big? -Can you zoom it or something, make it real close, real big? I'm the ebay Boy, remember? I can't exactly afford that kind of equipment. -I'm the ebay Boy, remember? I can't exactly afford that kind of equipment. Who do you know who can? Where do we go? -Can't you like just divine it? If I could do that, I'd be at the goddamn racetrack, not here. -If I could do that, I'd be at the goddamn racetrack, not here. I got a friend at a Lab. I could get the whole thing blown-up, enhanced-- -I got a friend at a Lab. I could get the whole thing blown-up, enhanced-- --go! ---go! Four in the morning? -So lemme see it. Just let me get my coat off--I had eight cups of coffee, I'm wired for sound here. -The witch? It's not about witches, goddamnit! ---thank you, Heather Arendt--and arend't we glad you're here--a real witch-- --fuckin' A right-- -And let it be known--before we even get to Burkittsville--it's gonna be an eighteen thousand times better movie--for half the cost-- --which'd be about ten bucks-- ---which'd be about ten bucks-- "--and unlike the first one, every second of it's gonna be true! ""Blair Witch: The Real Story!""" -You're a complete fucking idiot, aren't you? Hey, Mr. Graduate Fucking Thesis here was s'posed to be driving! -From-the-movie-Mary-Brown, Trailer Park Bible Psycho? Oh, for chrissake, she was an actor. -I don't believe this. I do. -I take it back--she wasn't an actor. She's a nutjob. That's what Josh and Mike said. -That's what Josh and Mike said. Shut-up. -You're not only an idiot, you're a goddamn child. Why does everyone here but me have have a gigantic stick up their ass? -Nice tent. Hadn't even opened the thing since Cub scouts. -Hadn't even opened the thing since Cub scouts. Never would've guessed. -Never would've guessed. So where the hell am I going to sleep? -So where the hell am I going to sleep? If you're looking at me, look elsewhere. -If you're looking at me, look elsewhere. I've got the Panasonic Portable DVD player. -What movies? Ask me what I don't have. -What I never could figure about the movie? What? -What? Three people: two guys, a girl-- sleeping in the same motel room, the same tent night after night. -Three people: two guys, a girl-- sleeping in the same motel room, the same tent night after night. Yeah? -Yeah? No fucking. -No fucking. No. -No. Made no sense. Scared out of their minds, and the greatest stress reliever in creation right at their fingertips. Nada. -Made no sense. Scared out of their minds, and the greatest stress reliever in creation right at their fingertips. Nada. No sense at all. I'm a little stressed. -No sense at all. I'm a little stressed. Try a long walk. -We should be so lucky. Butt-ugly owl. -What're you, crazy?? What're you, nuts? -Get out of here! What're you doing with all this shit? ---yeah, a hand or something-- --coming out of the water-- -Me, too. Hey, I got a whole editing suite in my loft--more the fucking merrier. -What about night? Not a great idea. Especially 'cross the street. -Used to be a meat-packing plant. Slaughter on the ground floor-- carcasses schlepped up on this thing for dissection and grinding and-- --Cotter: shut up. ---Cotter: shut up. What? -Get inside quick, they'll stop. Too busy eating us? -Too busy eating us? Just go. -Mi casa y su casa! Su casa y shit-o hole-o. -Su casa y shit-o hole-o. Hey, hon'--this is what pays the rent and tuition. -English. I spend a lot of time on e-Bay. Buying, selling--sometimes buying then re-selling at substantial mark-up, sometimes just selling crap I find in the street. -Whatta you got, telescopic vision? Still don't see it-- -Where is it? I got the tape enhanced--and I managed to sleaze a photo blow-up. Jesus, he's gonna kill me when he finds out about the camera. -I got the tape enhanced--and I managed to sleaze a photo blow-up. Jesus, he's gonna kill me when he finds out about the camera. Gimme it! -Where's Domini? My room, asleep, last I checked. -Fire escape?? Don't have one. -She would've had to have a key, anyway, to lock the deadbolt behind her. Well, she got out of here some- how because she's not here!! -Same trees. They took Elly Kedward out to the same kind of trees. --I look and look in the tree, all I ever see, he's always there watching, that stupid owl, over and over-- ---I look and look in the tree, all I ever see, he's always there watching, that stupid owl, over and over-- --Cotter, where can I get on-line? ---Cotter, where can I get on-line? --anywhere, anywhere, all up and live, all the time--fucking owl-- -Cotter? Fucking owl! -Fucking owl! You think it's possible the tree in the Parr foundation is the same one they tied Elly Kedward to? -You think it's possible the tree in the Parr foundation is the same one they tied Elly Kedward to? No idea--goddamitt! -Boy Kurth. Heather, does that look like Domini there? -Where? Down there in the Park. -Not the place you want to announce your arrival. How's she going to know where to-- -How's she going to know where to-- --things got a way of finding you here. -It's freezing. Next time try putting on shoes-- -What the fuck--?? --I don't know. -The moon trying to shoot down through all these trees--can make things funky-- --I saw what I saw. ---I saw what I saw. Yeah. Me too. -Yeah. Me too. The cart they brought Elly Kedward into the woods with-- -The cart they brought Elly Kedward into the woods with-- --into the Black Hills with--200- something miles from here-- ---into the Black Hills with--200- something miles from here-- --Domini! -Be it still alive, James? What-- -I'd strongly advise you to join us-- --before you lose your emotional lunch. -Nobody's going anywhere-- --hell, I don't think I'm ever leaving this place again-- ---hell, I don't think I'm ever leaving this place again-- --one of us, all of us--I have no idea--brought whatever this thing is back here. We're not going to go out there and spread it around like Typhoid Mary. We're gonna figure it out, we're gonna bring a goddamn end to it. -"That's a ""j.""" "For ""James?""" -"For ""James?""" Goes right along with these two. -Who? No one ever comes here. ---f'chrissake, Heather, it's not like the two of us are gonna doze off he leaves for two seconds-- --I don't trust anybody, not even me, anymore-- ---I don't trust anybody, not even me, anymore-- --shhhh! #5, there's something up there! -"--it's the ""Blair Witch Cult""--a copy-- some pages from--one of them on the site must've gotten my message--" --who? ---who? Doesn't say--it's just these pages. -Remember....what Mary Brown said-- she could see the witch's hands on my face, her mouth sucking on mine. Anna's the witch. -Hold this. What? -What? The wheel. -This is her equally on-the-rag boy- friend, Nick Leavitt-- --turn the camera off-- ---turn the camera off-- --they're from UMass, doing some kind of fucking term paper-- ---they're from UMass, doing some kind of fucking term paper-- --Graduate Thesis-- ---Graduate Thesis-- --about the Witch-- ---Cotter-- --a Wiccan-- ---a Wiccan-- --turn the goddamn camera off! -We're not making Blair Witch II here. I am. -Cotter? I'm not finished. -I'm not finished. We're all going to be if you don't hit the brakes. -You drive, I'll handle the video, okay? Fine. -What're you doing? This isn't about us. -This isn't about us. Right. And the check's in the mail. -Was it every day or just semi- weekly you got your ass kicked as a kid? Now you can bring the vehicle to a stop: there on the left. -Either way, maybe there's a book in it, and they both make a ton of money. It's a serious sociological study. -What? Look over there. -Okay, but-- --now there. -"They're making ""Blair Witch II,"" too." No problem, just give us 'til dawn and we're gone. -No problem, just give us 'til dawn and we're gone. What? -What? Look, guys, we're cold, we're tired we're shook--we just want to get out of here as soon as there's light. We saw something up at Coffin Rock today-- -How're the cameras doing? Due for a re-load and battery check. I'll get on it. ---and none of 'em were mine! I-am-so-fucked, I-am-so-fucked-- where the hell was everybody??? Asleep-- -Asleep-- "--what happened to the goddamn ""Witch-watch??""" -"--what happened to the goddamn ""Witch-watch??""" --I dunno, I just woke up-- -Cotter, I think she's right. Why would those guys go to all the trouble of stealing the camera and all this other stuff and leave the tapes? Spite. -Spite. They were making a movie--if they were going to steal anything it'd be just the tapes, to see if we had anything they didn't. -403 41st Street, kids: home. I dunno it's safe to even get out of the car. -I dunno it's safe to even get out of the car. By day? No sweat. -Let's get inside. First enormous brick warehouse on your right. -Just one lock in this neighbor- hood? All I need-- -Running a junk yard. A Cyber Entrepreneurialship. -There's four other angles, man, we haven't even-- --great: we can watch Domini sleep for hours--or, shit, maybe if we stay at it for a couple of days, maybe a deer'll dash by! -What-- --oh, Jesus-- ---whatever you want, no problem-- --still go see the OB in the morning-- -You wanna keep it down, she's trying to sleep. Sorry, I didn't think we were making that much noise. -Sorry, I didn't think we were making that much noise. "It's not a real ""funny"" time for us, okay?" -Well, she's got to be somewhere here. No one's been in or out since you left. Would've heard the dogs. -How much of that stuff you guys been smoking? Enough to keep sane. -Enough to keep sane. Enough to make shapes and shadows in the dark into something else. -Chrissake: why any of this? I think it's time to get out of here. -It's Domini, it's not Domini, I don't care--all I know is I'm not dealing with something--anything-- snuffing me in my sleep. I want to do what we did in the woods-- surveillance of this whole place 24/7, with somebody monitoring those cameras every second. There's something, somebody here, I want to see 'em coming. I thought all your equipment got stolen. -I thought all your equipment got stolen. All the shit that was worth anything, yes. You'd be amazed, though, what you can get free on the 'net. -Just hold on! I can't! -Just let it go, I've got you! What're you nuts-- -What're you nuts-- --it's less than four feet, just-- ---it's less than four feet, just-- --shit!!! -What? One of the printers. -Why was she exempted, Nick? Maybe whatever they are, they just haven't appeared yet on her? -Ruins of the Rustin Parr house. Guy who killed all the kids in the '40s. -What is all this shit? "We're doing dusk-till-dawn taping of all the places where there've been alleged Blair Witch ""sightings"" --the Parr House, Coffin Rock, Tappy Creek." -"We're doing dusk-till-dawn taping of all the places where there've been alleged Blair Witch ""sightings"" --the Parr House, Coffin Rock, Tappy Creek." Why? -Why? See what turns up--which I guarantee will be nothing. Some of the rest of the party are more hopeful-- -She got paid. I thought the movie was bitchin'. -Look at those marks--just like in the movie. Ancient runes-- ---sacred and occult Scotch Tape. Rusty Parr had the right idea on child care. -Oooh. Oooh. Ah, Domini? -Ah, Domini? What? -What? You planning on sleeping out there? -You planning on sleeping out there? Not planning on sleeping at all. -Ripped? They look like they were bit off. Smells Like Teenage Spirit. -That's almost a year's worth of work! Scumbags! Oh, Jesus, Jesus.... At least you still have the tapes. -Pointless. No. I don't think so. -What? Why she kills children. -Someone want to tell me what's going on-- --and we brought it back with us! -The four of you really have too much spare fucking time on your hands, don't you? And what's your excuse for being here? -Women miscarry all the-- --no. -What's that? Hmm? I dunno. Chafing from the backpack, something. -Hmm? I dunno. Chafing from the backpack, something. That'd be up on your shoulder, maybe your lower back. -That'd be up on your shoulder, maybe your lower back. Then I have no idea. -What'd you see? Motion. Stop there. Play it again. -For a blur? There is something there--don't ask, just trust me. -Cotter'll kill you. He'll never know. -He'll never know. Two-to-one he dusts the keyboard for fingerprints the second he gets back. -At least go drink it somewhere spilling it won't drive him to suicide. Okay. -What is it you thought you saw on that tape? Still working on it. -Still working on it. Elly Kedward? -Elly Kedward? No. Elly Kedward's not the problem here, I don't think. She was just a good old-fashioned white witch-- -Dad...? What'd you say? -Are you alright? ....I don't know. -Jesus. What? -What? That's the reason. -What? It touched me, don't you see it now? -Slow it down, slow it down, whatever it is, we'll figure it out. That's why she kills children. -That's why she kills children. I know, I know-- -You gonna be alright? Sure. I'm sorry. -Sure. I'm sorry. No big deal. I'm just trying to understand. -No big deal. I'm just trying to understand. Get some more beer. -Get some more beer. I think you closed the bar again. I'll have to go out. -I think you closed the bar again. I'll have to go out. Go to the store. When you get back, I'll try to make sense of it for you. -What're you afraid's going to happen? That they'll start touching us inside our heads. ---bullshit-- --she wasn't a witch--we embrace nature, not evil-- -The good old days: toasting marsh- mallows over a burning witch. They never burned witches in this country, they hanged them. -They never burned witches in this country, they hanged them. Whatever--all I know is the persecution's going to start all over again, they keep pumping out inflammatory bullshit like this fucking movie-- -She wasn't a witch. Whatever. -Finally got her back to sleep. Nick, what you should do is get her back up and get her to a goddamn doctor. -Nick, what you should do is get her back up and get her to a goddamn doctor. Jesus, you don't think I know that? You don't think I've tried? She won't fucking go-- she won't leave this place. -Jesus, you don't think I know that? You don't think I've tried? She won't fucking go-- she won't leave this place. She's off her fucking rocker-- -She's off her fucking rocker-- --I know! ---I know! I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Yeah, I know. It's...alright. We're all a little-- -Yeah, I know. It's...alright. We're all a little-- --a lot. ---a lot. Heather. -Heather. Yeah. -Yeah. Okay. Hypothetically. -Okay. Hypothetically. Shoot. -Shoot. You think....there could've been something up in those woods that Anna-- -You think....there could've been something up in those woods that Anna-- --it's not a could've--there was, Nick. And it fucked up Anna, and did something to Domini, and it caused my father to die, and it's here with us in this place now. And I don't have one single idea in hell what's going to happen next, just that it's going to happen to one of us. And then the other. And then the other. It's going to get into our brains. -There's explanations. Rational explanations for everything that's happened. We'll drive ourselves crazy if we keep obsessing on supernatural what-ifs. That feels good. Lower--down into my neck. -What? I dunno it's anything. It's a name Anna's mentioned--from her dreams. -Spare me. Hey, chemicals, fear, sleep- deprivation--and a round-the-clock obsession with the occult--hell've a recipe for a mind-fuck. -We are being fucked with here, someone or something. Domini. -Domini. Why in the world would she-- -Why in the world would she-- --why in the world would she just fly the coop in the first place? -Domini's the only logical explanation. We're not dealing with fucking logic here! -I can't do it! Don't! You're making me lose my grip. -"Gothic rune--the letter ""S.""" Or a blood blister--or a bruise. -"Put 'em together that's a ""k."" James Kurth--" --or Lyme Disease or poison sumac, or God knows what-else we could have picked up in the woods. ---or Lyme Disease or poison sumac, or God knows what-else we could have picked up in the woods. You know what we picked up in the woods-- -I should check on Anna. Check the monitor, she's fine. -Check the monitor, she's fine. "She's far from ""fine.""" -"She's far from ""fine.""" You're needed here--keep watching-- -No. We all go. Anna-- -Anna-- --fuck Anna! -"""It's why the witch kills children.""" I thought all witches were benign and good. -I thought all witches were benign and good. Not this one. -What the fuck's going on here? Does she have marks, Nick--like the ones we have, that Domini had? -Does she have marks, Nick--like the ones we have, that Domini had? Why? -Why? Does she, goddamnit?? -Does she, goddamnit?? Not that I've seen--but that has no meaning--that means nothing. -It's possible for chrissake-- --the marks appear, then you disappear. Like the little Kurth boy, like Domini, as soon as they come to full bloom--and mine are! -Like a blueprint for disembowelment. There are other explanations! She is not the goddamn witch, that's insane! -There are other explanations! She is not the goddamn witch, that's insane! Then just give me one of your explanations that all three of us'll buy. -Then just give me one of your explanations that all three of us'll buy. I don't.... -Good morning, Sheriff's Office. Yes! I need to speak to Sheriff Von Teer. -Yes! I need to speak to Sheriff Von Teer. He's in a meeting. Could I have him-- -He's in a meeting. Could I have him-- --it's urgent! ---it's urgent! Could I tell him what it's regarding? -Could I tell him what it's regarding? His daughter, for God's sake-- I need to know if he's heard from her this morning. -....Ma'am? I'm talking to Taos, New Mexico-- -I'm talking to Taos, New Mexico-- --yes-- ---yes-- --the Sheriff's Office-- ---the Sheriff's Office-- --yes, Ma'am, can I help you with anything else?-- ---yes, Ma'am, can I help you with anything else?-- --his name's Von Teer! His daughter's named Domini!-- ---his name's Von Teer! His daughter's named Domini!-- --thank you for calling-- -She wants me to talk to you, Heather. Who is this?? -Who is this?? Your mother's pastor. -Your mother's pastor. What happened to my Dad?? -What happened to my Dad?? There was an accident early this morning. Another car. Your father's injuries were fatal. -There was an accident early this morning. Another car. Your father's injuries were fatal. Yes. -Yes. I'll tell your mother not to expect you at the funeral. -I'll tell your mother not to expect you at the funeral. No. -Listen Meurice, you're gonna help me with a problem. I am? -You're gonna keep an eye on Marty and Ray, make sure nothing happens. It won't? -Thanks, Meurice. Any time. But you don't have to worry about a thing for a while. Marty went down to Corpus yesterday. -Abby. What's the matter? I... I'm sorry, Meurice. I gotta talk to you... Can I come in? -Jesus, I got a hangover. Want a drink? No, I-- -No, I-- Well I do... -...For you I answer the door. If you wanna stay here, that's fine. But I'm retired. Something happened with Marty and Ray-- -Something happened with Marty and Ray-- Abby... -...Ray stole a shitload of money from Marty. Until both of 'em calm down I'm not getting involved. No Meurice, it's worse than that. Something really happened, I think Marty's dead-- -No Meurice, it's worse than that. Something really happened, I think Marty's dead-- What?! Did Ray tell you that? -What?! Did Ray tell you that? Sort of... -...I mean, I don't know where he is, but he ain't dead. Meurice-- -Meurice-- You don't look too good. You sleep last night? -...Ray? Yeah. -Yeah. What was that? -What was that? Your husband. -Why d'you wanna leave all this? You kidding? I don't wanna leave all this, I just wanna leave Marty... -...Drive me to a motel? You can stay at my place, I'll drop you there. -You can stay at my place, I'll drop you there. Where... where you going? -Where... where you going? See a guy. -See a guy. Don't go to the bar, Ray. I know him, that ain't a good idea. -Don't go to the bar, Ray. I know him, that ain't a good idea. I just gotta see a guy. -Who was it? What? -What? On the phone. Was it for you? -On the phone. Was it for you? I don't know, he didn't say anything. -I don't know, he didn't say anything. Uh-huh. So how do you know it was a he? -Uh-huh. So how do you know it was a he? You got a girl--am I screwing something up by being here? -...I can find a place tomorrow, then I'll be outta your hair. If that's what you want to do, then you oughta do it. You, uh... you want the bed or the couch? -Well... the couch would be all right... You can sleep on the bed if you want. -You can sleep on the bed if you want. Well... I'm not gonna put you out of your bed... -Well... I'm not gonna put you out of your bed... You wouldn't be putting me out. -You wouldn't be putting me out. ...Well, I'd be okay in here-- -I could've sworn I heard something. Door's locked. Nothing there. -I knew it. 'Cause we wouldn't have heard anything if it was him. He's real careful. Fact is, he's anal. ...Huh? -...Huh? Yeah, he told me once himself. He said to me... -...Well I'll be damned. I couldn't believe it either... -...He sent me to a psychiatrist to see if he could calm me down some. Yeah? What happened? -Yeah? What happened? Psychiatrist said I was the healthiest person he'd ever met, so Marty fired him. -Psychiatrist said I was the healthiest person he'd ever met, so Marty fired him. ...I don't know if you can fire a psychiatrist, exactly. -...I don't know if you can fire a psychiatrist, exactly. Well, I didn't see him anymore, I'll tell you that much. -Uh-huh. I said, Marty, how come you're anal and I gotta go to the psychiatrist? -I said, Marty, how come you're anal and I gotta go to the psychiatrist? What'd he say? -Nothing. He's like you, he doesn't say much. Thanks. -Thanks. Except when he doesn't say things they're usually nasty. -Except when he doesn't say things they're usually nasty. ...Mm-hmm. -...Mm-hmm. When you don't they're usually nice. -When you don't they're usually nice. ...You ever get tired? -...You ever get tired? Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess. Mm-hmm. -Hello? Abby... you all right? -Abby... you all right? Ray?... What time is it? -Ray?... What time is it? I don't know. It's early... I love you. -...You all right? I don't know. I better get off now. -Okay, see ya... Thanks, Ray. Abby-- -...Ray? You're bad. -...What? I said you're bad. -Why didn't you get into bed? I didn't think I could sleep. I'm surprised you could. Are you all right? -I didn't think I could sleep. I'm surprised you could. Are you all right? Yeah... -...You called me this morning. Yeah. -...I just wanted to let you know that everything was all right. I took care of everything. Now all we have to do is keep our heads. ...What do you mean? -What happened?--Was Meurice there? Yeah. -Well... what happened? I cleaned it all up, but that ain't important... -...Anyway, we got some time now. But we gotta be smart. Ray-- -Ray-- Abby, never point a gun at anyone unless you're gonna shoot him. And when you shoot him you better make sure he's dead... -...That's the only thing they told us in the service that was worth a goddamn--Where the hell's my windbreaker? What the hell happened, Ray? -...That's what's important. I don't know what you're talking about. -I... I mean what're you talking about, Ray? I haven't done anything funny. ...What was that? -...Who? Marty. -...What's going on with you two? All right... -...Where is everything? In the trunk. -...You leaving? Isn't that what you want? -...But first I gotta know what happened. What do you want to know? -What do you want to know? You broke into the bar. You wanted to get your money. You and Marty had a fight. Something happened... -...I don't know, wasn't it you? Maybe a burglar broke in, and you found-- With your gun?... -...So? I think someone's watching. -If he does come in I'm not here... What were you drinking, Debra? Remy. -Remy. You've got a very sophisticated palate. -You've got a very sophisticated palate. Thanks. -Thanks. Give Debra here another drink, and give me the usual. -Listen, I got tickets for the Oilers and the Rams next week in the Astrodome. Ever sat on the fifty yard line? I don't follow baseball. -You won't have to. I'll explain what a palate is. You won't have to. I just wanted to see if you knew. -So how long have you know Meurice? About ten years. -...So what're you doing tonight? Going out with Meurice. -It'll pass. We don't seem to be communicating-- -We don't seem to be communicating-- You want to hustle me. I don't want to be hustled. It's as simple as that. Now that I've communicated, why don't you leave? -You want to hustle me. I don't want to be hustled. It's as simple as that. Now that I've communicated, why don't you leave? I own the place. -I own the place. Christ, I'm getting bored. -Christ, I'm getting bored. I'm not surprised, the company you've been keeping the last ten years. -He needs a room, Dusty. I reckon I can hear him... ...Room rate's eight sixty-six a day plus sales tax, plus extra for the TV option. -I reckon I can hear him. TV option, that's a dollar twenty, makes nine eighty-six plus tax. Tell him the channels, Dusty. -Tell him the channels, Dusty. Channels, we got two and six. Two don't come in so hot. -Sure don't. See, Wednesday's the special on RC Cola. I don't know if I explained about the TV option. If there's a TV in the room, you got to pay the option. -See, Wednesday's the special on RC Cola. I don't know if I explained about the TV option. If there's a TV in the room, you got to pay the option. And how many room got TV, Dusty? -And how many room got TV, Dusty? Ever durned one. -Hold it, hold it. What's tonight? What? -What? What night is it? -What night is it? ...Friday? -...Friday? Right. Friday night is Yankee night. Where're you from? -Right. Friday night is Yankee night. Where're you from? Lubbock? -...He gave me a little pearl-handled .38 for out first anniversary. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. ...Figured I'd better leave before I used it on him. I don't know how you can stand him. -...Figured I'd better leave before I used it on him. I don't know how you can stand him. Well, I'm only an employee, I ain't married to him. -Well, I'm only an employee, I ain't married to him. Yeah... -...I don't know. Sometimes I think there's something wrong with him. Like maybe he's sick? Mentally?... Or is it maybe me, do you think? Listen, I ain't a marriage counselor. I don't know what goes on, I don't wanna know... But I like you. I always liked you... -...What're you gonna do in Houston? I'll figure something out... How come you offered to drive me in this mess? -I'll figure something out... How come you offered to drive me in this mess? I told you. I like you. -I told you. I like you. See, I never knew that. -See, I never knew that. Well now you do. -Well now you do. ...Hell. -...You know that car? No. -No. What's the matter? -What's the matter? I don't know... I just think maybe I'm making a mistake... -...What was that back there? Back where? -Back where? Sign. -Sign. I don't know. Motel... Abby-- -I don't know. Motel... Abby-- Ray. Did you mean that, what you said before, or were you just being a gentleman? -Ray. Did you mean that, what you said before, or were you just being a gentleman? Abby, I like you, but it's no point starting anything now. -Abby, I like you, but it's no point starting anything now. Yeah. -Yeah. I mean, I ain't a marriage counselor-- -I mean, I ain't a marriage counselor-- Yeah. -"What ""what""?" Am I fired? You wanna hit me? What? -Am I fired? You wanna hit me? What? I don't particularly want to talk to you. -I don't particularly want to talk to you. Well... if you're not gonna fire me I might as well quit. -Well... if you're not gonna fire me I might as well quit. Fine. Suit yourself. ...Having a good time? -Then what'd you come here for? You owe me for two weeks. -...You get a refund though, if you tell me who else she's been sluicing. I want that money. If you wanna tell me something, fine-- -I want that money. If you wanna tell me something, fine-- What're you, a fucking marriage counselor? -What did you take these for? What do you mean... -...Just doin' my job. You called me, I knew they were there, so what do I need these for? -You called me, I knew they were there, so what do I need these for? Well, I don't know... Call it a fringe benefit. -Well, I don't know... Call it a fringe benefit. How long did you watch her? -How long did you watch her? Most of the night... -Now that don't make much sense. No. It just made them feel better. -...Anything else? Yeah, don't come by here any more. If I need you again I know which rock to turn over. -...That's the test, ain't it? Test of true love-- Got a job for you. -Got a job for you. ...Well, if the pay's right and it's legal I'll do it. -...Well, if the pay's right and it's legal I'll do it. It's not strictly legal. -If the pay's right I'll do it. It's, uh... it's in reference to that gentleman and my wife. The more I think about it the more irritated I get. -It's, uh... it's in reference to that gentleman and my wife. The more I think about it the more irritated I get. Yeah? Well how irritated are you? -...Gee, I'm sorry to hear that. Can you tell me what you want me to do or is it a secret? Listen, I'm not--this isn't a joke here. -You want me to kill 'em. I didn't say that. Well? -I didn't say that. Well? Well what? -Well what? What do you think? -What do you think? You're an idiot. -So, uh... this wouldn't interest you. I didn't say that. All I said was you're an idiot. Hell, you been thinking about it so much it's driving you simple. -I'm supposed to do a murder--two murders--and just trust you not to go simple on me and do something stupid. I mean real stupid. Now why should I trust you? For the money. -For the money. The money. Yeah. That's a right smart of money... -...There's a big-- I want you to go fishing. -I want you to go fishing. ...What? -...What? Go down to Corpus for a few days. Get yourself noticed. I'll give you a call when it's done... You just find a way to cover that money. -Yeah. Is it... Ya catch any fish? -Ya catch any fish? ...What? -...What? Ya catch any fish? -Ya catch any fish? Yeah... -Yeah... ...What kind of fish? -...What kind of fish? Listen, what is it? Is it done? -Just the ten thousand'll be fine. Got something to show me first? -Dead, huh? So it would seem. -...What did you do with the bodies? It's taken care of. The less you know about it the better. -It's taken care of. The less you know about it the better. Jesus, I don't believe it... -Something I got to ask you, Marty. I've been very very careful. Have you been very very careful? Of course. -Of course. Nobody knows you hired me? -...I just made a call about that. It'll look fine. I must've gone money simple. This kind of murder... -...it's too damn risky. Then you shouldn't have done it. Can't have it both ways. -...Count it if you want. Nah, I trust ya. -Yeah, I know. Pour 'em short. Has Ray come in yet? -Has Ray come in yet? No, he's off tonight. Where was he last night? -No, he's off tonight. Where was he last night? How would I know? -How would I know? I don't know, didn't he call? -What's this? You said the usual-- -You said the usual-- Red Label. -Red Label. Right. Sorry. -Right. Sorry. Pour that back. -Pour that back. What. -What. Don't throw that out. -Don't throw that out. Right. -Deuce in the corner needs help. Right. -What's this? What. -What. This. -This. Jack Daniels. Don't worry, I'm paying for it. -Jack Daniels. Don't worry, I'm paying for it. That's not the point. -That's not the point. What's the point? -What's the point? The point is we don't serve niggers here. -The point is we don't serve niggers here. Where? ...I'm very careful about that. -...I thought you were dead. Going home? No. I think I'll stay right here in hell. -No. I think I'll stay right here in hell. Kind of a bleak point of view there, isn't it Marty? -Kind of a bleak point of view there, isn't it Marty? Meurice... -...I don't want that asshole near my money. I don't even want him in the bar. We get a lot of assholes in here, Marty. -Howdy stranger. Meurice. Sorry I didn't show last night. -Meurice. Sorry I didn't show last night. Wasn't too busy. You missed a good one, though. This white guy walks in about one o'clock, asks if we have a discount for alcoholics... I tell him to get lost, but Marty's sitting here listening and I can tell he's thinking that maybe it ain't such a bad idea... -Is Marty here? Not here tonight. Wasn't here last night. He's especially not back in his office. -Not here tonight. Wasn't here last night. He's especially not back in his office. Thanks Meurice. -Thanks Meurice. For what? -Got a problem, Meurice? No, you do, cowboy. You been to the bar? -...Why? You shouldn't have taken the money... -...and Abby. Maybe. But as far as I'm concerned that only leaves one fucking possibility. What's that? -Where was I? You we telling me about the Ring of Fire. -You we telling me about the Ring of Fire. Yeah, well, I may be getting in over my head here, I mean you're the geologist, but my theory for what it's worth, you got all these volcanoes and each time one pops it's the equivalent of what, twenty, thirty megatons of TNT? Enough to light Las Vegas for how long? How many years? Course, I'm no mathematician but-- -What day is it today, Angie? Tuesday. -Tuesday. Tuesday is ladies' night. -Tuesday is ladies' night. What? -What? Tuesday night is ladies' night. All your drinks are free. -I sent a trunk home yesterday. This is all I have. You look good, Jeffrey. Did you have a nice flight? -You look good, Jeffrey. Did you have a nice flight? Yeah. How's Dad? -I think it's important not to get depressed. Depression is a terrible thing. They say it can bring on illness. Aunt Barbara. I'll try not to get depressed. -Jeffrey. you're not going down by Lincoln, are you? No. I'm just going to walk around the neighborhood. Don't worry. -Doctor Gynde. my whole family's sick. What's going on? I'm not sick. -Will you tell Mom when she gets home from the hospital that I've gone to dinner at Sandy Williams' house? Okay honey. that sounds nice. Jeffrey. I think you've got termites in the house. -Okay honey. that sounds nice. Jeffrey. I think you've got termites in the house. Oh yeah?. Have you seen any? -Oh yeah?. Have you seen any? I've seen a few. -I've seen a few. Well, I haven't seen any. I wouldn't worry about it. Look. I better go. -Well, I haven't seen any. I wouldn't worry about it. Look. I better go. Okay honey. -I don't want to talk about it. Everything's okay now. I don't want to talk about it. Sometimes it helps to talk things over. for instance, many marriages are saved by. -Sometimes it helps to talk things over. for instance, many marriages are saved by. Aunt Barbara. I love you, but you're not gonna get it. -Frank. Come in. Hey, I brought some friends. and some beer. -Hey, I brought some friends. and some beer. Fine. Welcome. Come sit down. -Suave. goddam are you suave, you fucker. You want some beer? Certainly Frank. Darling, get some glasses. We'll have some beer with Frank. Won't you sit down? -Shit Ben! How the shit are ya? Fine Frank. Fine. How are you? -Fine Frank. Fine. How are you? Fuckin' good, real fuckin' good. You know this little tid bit, Dorothy, and this thing, here, is a neighbor. What the shit we're doin' with a neighbor, I don't know. goddam!!! This is the suavest guy I know. look at you. You're one beautiful fucker, Ben. I love this jacket and that cigarette holder of yours. shit, that is too fuckin' much. Where's those glasses. this beer's gonna get too warm. I can't stand fuckin' warm beer. it makes me puke. -Fuckin' good, real fuckin' good. You know this little tid bit, Dorothy, and this thing, here, is a neighbor. What the shit we're doin' with a neighbor, I don't know. goddam!!! This is the suavest guy I know. look at you. You're one beautiful fucker, Ben. I love this jacket and that cigarette holder of yours. shit, that is too fuckin' much. Where's those glasses. this beer's gonna get too warm. I can't stand fuckin' warm beer. it makes me puke. Darling, where are the glasses?. Oh. here they are. -To your health, Frank. Shit. let's drink to something else. let's drink to fuckin'. Say here's to your fuck Frank. -Shit. let's drink to something else. let's drink to fuckin'. Say here's to your fuck Frank. If you like Frank. Here's to your fuck. cheers. -Frank, I have something for you. Excuse us everyone. EXCUSE US por favor! Hey. let Tits see her kid. -See you Tuesday, Frank. Right Ben. LET'S GO FUCK. I'll fuck anything that moves. -Are you Detective Williams? Yes. -Yes. My name is Jeffrey Beaumont - I live near you. I believe you know my father, Tom Beaumont - Beaumont's Hardware Store? -My name is Jeffrey Beaumont - I live near you. I believe you know my father, Tom Beaumont - Beaumont's Hardware Store? Sure I do. I understand he's in the hospital. How is he? -Sure I do. I understand he's in the hospital. How is he? He's alright, I guess. I hope. They're doing tests, that's why I'm home from school. I was over at the hospital this morning and I was going home and in the field behind our neighborhood. there behind Vista, I found an ear. -He's alright, I guess. I hope. They're doing tests, that's why I'm home from school. I was over at the hospital this morning and I was going home and in the field behind our neighborhood. there behind Vista, I found an ear. You did? A human ear? -You did? A human ear? Yeah. I've got it here in this bag. I thought I should bring it to you. -Yeah. I've got it here in this bag. I thought I should bring it to you. Yep, that's right. Let's take a look at it. -By the way, Jeffrey, this story isn't going to the press and I'm going to ask you to consider all you've heard strictly confidential. Do not discuss this business with anyone, but me, or other police personnel. Got it? Got it. Thanks for letting me in on as much as you did. -Got it. Thanks for letting me in on as much as you did. Come on. I'll drive you home. It's on my way. -Come into the study a minute. Excuse me, Mrs. Williams. -Detective Williams here. yeah. Tell him to go to Sergeant Milton. yeah, copy. Well, Jeffrey, you found something which is very interesting to us. Very interesting. I know you must be curious to know more. But. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you not only not to tell anyone about your find, but also not to ask more about the case. One day. when it's all sewed up, I'll let you know all the details. Right now, though. I can't. I understand. I'm just real curious like you said. -I understand. I'm just real curious like you said. I was the same way when I was you age. I guess that's what got me into this business. -I was the same way when I was you age. I guess that's what got me into this business. It must be great. -It must be great. And it's horrible too. I'm sorry Jeffrey. That's the way it has to be. Anyway. I'm sure you do understand. -Jeffrey? Yes? -Yes? If you want to come up a minute, I'll show you some pictures. -These are beautiful. How's the case coming? Okay. -Okay. Anything you can tell me? -Anything you can tell me? The criminals are winning. -The criminals are winning. Is that why you say it's horrible? -Is that why you say it's horrible? Yes. -Yes. I guess you've seen some bad things. -I guess you've seen some bad things. Yes I have - so bad I wouldn't poison your mind by telling you. -Yes I have - so bad I wouldn't poison your mind by telling you. Why do you do it? -Why do you do it? I won't let the bastards get me up against the wall. It's an act of defiance. -I won't let the bastards get me up against the wall. It's an act of defiance. Yeah. I get it. -What is this? What color is it? Blue. It's Blue Velvet. -What color is it? It's blue. blue velvet. -Jeffrey! Come on in. Hi. Hi Sandy. I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got to talk to you. -Hi. Hi Sandy. I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got to talk to you. Okay. come on in. Looks like you had a bad face lift. -Okay. come on in. Looks like you had a bad face lift. Yeah. -Okay? Okay. I gotta tell you. I've. discovered some things. .Anyway I have to show you some pictures and tell you some things about them. The first picture is this. -And that man came out with a third man - this well-dressed guy. here's the photo. I think a girl named Dorothy Vallens is in trouble with these people. I think Frank has taken her husband and her son. I have no hard proof of any of this. Her address is also on the photos. I think these people are involved with drugs. and murder. I think Frank is killing drug dealers and. . and somehow Frank is getting all their drugs. I had to tell you I got slightly more involved in this than you wanted me to, but it's over now for sure. .I had to tell you about these things in case it could help. -I have no hard proof of any of this. Her address is also on the photos. I think these people are involved with drugs. and murder. I think Frank is killing drug dealers and. . and somehow Frank is getting all their drugs. I had to tell you I got slightly more involved in this than you wanted me to, but it's over now for sure. .I had to tell you about these things in case it could help. Well now Jeffrey, how did you come to get so involved? -Well now Jeffrey, how did you come to get so involved? I can't tell you the whole story. I. I took it upon myself. I can't say more. -I can't tell you the whole story. I. I took it upon myself. I can't say more. Is Sandy part of this? -Is Sandy part of this? No. not at all. -No. not at all. Who knows you have these? -Who knows you have these? Only you. and the photo lab. -Only you. and the photo lab. You're all through with this now? -For now. Alright. you better be. And Sandy better not be involved with this, I can tell you. Be prepared to come in for further interrogation on this later. Yes sir. -Detective Williams!! Detective Williams!! Detective Williams here. Is that you, Jeffrey? -Detective Williams here. Is that you, Jeffrey? Yes it's me!!! Frank is on his way up to Dorothy's apartment. Oh no. Frank has a radio and is hearing everything we say!! Detective Williams. hurry. I'm in the apartment. hurry. I'm hiding in the back bedroom. -Yes it's me!!! Frank is on his way up to Dorothy's apartment. Oh no. Frank has a radio and is hearing everything we say!! Detective Williams. hurry. I'm in the apartment. hurry. I'm hiding in the back bedroom. We're ten minutes away and moving as fast as we can. -Because of your information I alerted internal affairs to check out Detective Gordon. I had to keep on with him as if nothing was different. He slipped off on his own when he found out we were going to raid Frank's place. Does Dorothy know her husband is dead? -Does Dorothy know her husband is dead? Not yet. -Not yet. Oh my God. Is her son OK? -Hello, baby. Shut up. It's daddy. shithead. -Shut up. It's daddy. shithead. Hello, daddy. -Hello, daddy. . my bourbon. -. MOMMY!. . mommy's here. -. mommy's here. Baby wants to fuck. -Who's this fuck? He's a friend. from the neighborhood. we were just talking. -He's a friend. from the neighborhood. we were just talking. From the neighborhood? Shut the fuck up. You like telephones? Huh?. You wanta go for a ride? -Where are we going, Frank? Hey. Tits. I'm taking your neighbor to the country. maybe something for you too. -Hey. Tits. I'm taking your neighbor to the country. maybe something for you too. Frank? -Frank? You want to see him too, right? -You want to see him too, right? Yes, but. -Yes, but. Then, shut up! -Look at these. What are these? Come on, Frank. Let's go. Please. -Don't say PLEASE, Fuckhead. WHAT ARE THESE? Those are my breasts. -Those are my breasts. Can I feel 'em? -Can I feel 'em? If you want to. -Frank. he didn't mean it. Leave him alone. come on. He didn't mean it. Shut up. Gimme your lipstick. . Hey, pretty, pretty. -Frank gone? Yeah. but get outta here. He's comin' back. -Yeah. but get outta here. He's comin' back. Bull. -Bull. Alright, suit yourself. -Alright, suit yourself. He's comin' back?. What for? -He's comin' back?. What for? 'Cause he's comin' back, that's what for. Frank's got you really loaded tonight. -'Cause he's comin' back, that's what for. Frank's got you really loaded tonight. Yeah, maybe so. Frank's got me. and you. and really it's all thanks to Don. isn't it. remember that. Your husband was the one who started fucking my mind with drugs. -Yeah, maybe so. Frank's got me. and you. and really it's all thanks to Don. isn't it. remember that. Your husband was the one who started fucking my mind with drugs. Oh he forced you, huh? -Oh he forced you, huh? He's the reformed dealer though who wanted to turn himself in. he's the one that caused Frank to come and Frank's fucking us real good. I just feel so horny. I'm supposed to be here watching you why can't I be here fucking you. Listen. I know his cock's the size of a pin - let me give you the real thing. let me wet my whistle, baby. -He's the reformed dealer though who wanted to turn himself in. he's the one that caused Frank to come and Frank's fucking us real good. I just feel so horny. I'm supposed to be here watching you why can't I be here fucking you. Listen. I know his cock's the size of a pin - let me give you the real thing. let me wet my whistle, baby. No way. get out. I'm gonna tell Frank. I'm gonna tell him what you said. -No way. get out. I'm gonna tell Frank. I'm gonna tell him what you said. Okay, I'm goin'. You'll see. I'll get you. -Yes? What is it? Pest control. gotta do your apartment. -Pest control. gotta do your apartment. Oh God, that stuff stinks. -Oh God, that stuff stinks. Nope. it's new stuff. no smell. -Nope. it's new stuff. no smell. Oh yeah, that's good. -That oughta do it. Yeah. -GET OUT OF THERE!! GET OUT!! Put your hands up, on your head. GO ON!! Get down on your knees - DO IT!! What are you doing? Who are you? What's your name?. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? Jeffrey. -Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Jeffrey what? -Jeffrey. Jeffrey what? Jeffrey nothing. -Jeffrey nothing. You tell me!! Let me see that wallet. Jeffrey Beaumont. What're you doing in my apartment, Jeffrey Beaumont? -You tell me!! Let me see that wallet. Jeffrey Beaumont. What're you doing in my apartment, Jeffrey Beaumont? I wanted to see you. -I wanted to see you. What? Are you kidding me? Who sent you here? -What? Are you kidding me? Who sent you here? Nobody. -Nobody. Shit. You better tell me something. -Shit. You better tell me something. I was. an experiment. Just to see if I could do it. -I was. an experiment. Just to see if I could do it. An experiment? Hey, I've seen you before. -An experiment? Hey, I've seen you before. I sprayed your apartment. I took your key. I really didn't mean to do anything but see you. -I sprayed your apartment. I took your key. I really didn't mean to do anything but see you. Tell me what you saw tonight. TELL ME. -Tell me what you saw tonight. TELL ME. . I saw you come in, talk on the phone. get undressed. -. I saw you come in, talk on the phone. get undressed. The phone. What did you hear on the phone . Tell me. Word for word. -The phone. What did you hear on the phone . Tell me. Word for word. You said hello. to Frank. You wanted to talk to someone?. Don?. and little Donny. You said something about Momma loves you. and something about a Meadow Lane. something in an hour. I don't remember any more. -That's right. That's what I said. You have a good memory. Then what? Well. -Well. THEN WHAT? -THEN WHAT? Then you got undressed. -Then you got undressed. How many times have you sneaked into girls' apartments and watched them undress? -How many times have you sneaked into girls' apartments and watched them undress? Never before this. -Never before this. How'd you like it if someone sneaked into your house and watched you. Get undressed. I want to see you. -How'd you like it if someone sneaked into your house and watched you. Get undressed. I want to see you. No. Come on. -No. Come on. NO, you come on. Take off your pants. I want to see you. -NO, you come on. Take off your pants. I want to see you. Look. I'm sorry. Just let me leave. -Look. I'm sorry. Just let me leave. No way. -What do you want from me? I . I don't know. -I . I don't know. What do you want? -Do you like that? Yes. -Do you like talk like that? No. -No. Lie down on the bed. -Don't. I don't like that. What do you want? Nothing. Are you alright? -Nothing. Are you alright? Sure I'm alright. -Sure I'm alright. I'll go then. -Don? No. -No. Don. Hold me. I'm scared. Hold me. Please. -Thank you. honey. It's okay. It's okay. -Do you like the way I feel? Yes. -Yes. See my breasts? . See? -Yes. See my nipples? -See my nipples? Yes. -Yes. You can kiss them if you want. Fell them . They're getting hard. -You can hit me, if you want to. No. please. I won't. -Do you like me? Yes, I like you. -Yes, I like you. You can be my special friend and come and put that in me. -I made it go down the toilet. What? -Next Christmas. Is he Santa Claus who has left a present for Dorothy? What was it? An ear? Another ear?!! What was it? Do you know? -Do you know? No. -You don't? No. What is happening? -No. What is happening? Maybe you don't know. I know you though. You're Jeffrey Beaumont and I know where you live and I know ways to get you and I know ways to kill you. -Maybe you don't know. I know you though. You're Jeffrey Beaumont and I know where you live and I know ways to get you and I know ways to kill you. Please don't talk like that. You're upset. I'm not helping you. I'm sorry for what I did. I better go. -Please don't talk like that. You're upset. I'm not helping you. I'm sorry for what I did. I better go. Go then. I can't let you put it in me now but I want you. I like you. -Go then. I can't let you put it in me now but I want you. I like you. Then don't talk about killing. -Then don't talk about killing. Did I say that?. I didn't mean it. or did I? Sometimes I think it would be fun. Go ahead, you better leave now. I can't open myself to you now. I'll tell you a little secret. I want to die. -Did I say that?. I didn't mean it. or did I? Sometimes I think it would be fun. Go ahead, you better leave now. I can't open myself to you now. I'll tell you a little secret. I want to die. Don't say that. -Don't say that. It's a secret so don't tell anyone. Some day I'll show you where. I've gotta go to sleep now. -It's a secret so don't tell anyone. Some day I'll show you where. I've gotta go to sleep now. O.K. -Hi. can I come in? Yeah. hurry up though. -. I. uh. I looked for you in my closet tonight. It's crazy, I don't know where you came from but. I like you. -I looked for you in my closet tonight. It's crazy, I don't know where you came from but. I like you. That's not crazy. I like you too. -I liked being with you last night. . same here. -Oh shit. Frank? .can you stand up? -Frank? .can you stand up? I'm alright. go hide. This won't take long. Be quiet. -Nice guy. Who's he? Who's it, you mean. -Oh God. Don!!! Why can't I just die. There you go again. stop saying that. You can make it. -There you go again. stop saying that. You can make it. I can't. I can't. You think you know so much. -I can't. I can't. You think you know so much. Take it easy. What's goin' on anyway?. Why are you in so much trouble? -Look. No. -No. Falling. -Falling. No. Please, Dorothy. Why are you in so much trouble? -Who is Don? Don?. Are you in with them? -Don?. Are you in with them? No. But you're in very big trouble. -No. But you're in very big trouble. Why are you so interested? Why do you keep asking me? -I came back to help you. You said do I let girls sneak into my house. You know where I live. if you need to. come to where I live. O.K.? Who are you? Maybe I'll need to. you like me, huh? -Who are you? Maybe I'll need to. you like me, huh? Yes. -Yes. . or do you just want me? I'm going to let you enter me now. -. or do you just want me? I'm going to let you enter me now. No. I should go. -No. I should go. Please. please stay. -Come in. Hello. -It used to make me laugh .but. I'm sorry .maybe I better go Dorothy. -I'm sorry .maybe I better go Dorothy. Yes. Frank- -Yes. Frank- Frank is coming? -Frank is coming? No. how could he?. Don't go. You think I'm crazy, don't you? I want you to stay. . don't hate me. -No. how could he?. Don't go. You think I'm crazy, don't you? I want you to stay. . don't hate me. I sure don't hate you. -I sure don't hate you. I'm not crazy. I know the difference between right and wrong. -I'm not crazy. I know the difference between right and wrong. That's good. -Do you like my body? Sure I do. -What do you want to do? I'm doing it. -I'm doing it. Are you a bad boy? -Are you a bad boy? Whatiya mean? -Whatiya mean? Do you want to do bad things? Anything. anything. -Do you want to do bad things? Anything. anything. What do you want? -What do you want? I want you to hurt me. -I want you to hurt me. No. I told you. I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you. I think I know some of what is happening to you. . Dorothy? Frank has your husband and son. Dorothy? Doesn't he? You have to do something Dorothy. go to the police. -You like to open me. don't you? Yes. -Yes. What if I told Frank that you opened me? -That wouldn't be too good, would it? Frank would open you. -Frank would open you. Okay. I know you've been scared. now you want to scare someone. -Okay. I know you've been scared. now you want to scare someone. Does that scare you? -Does that scare you? Shut up. -Shut up. Beeeee careful. -Beeeee careful. Come on Dorothy. -Come on Dorothy. What if Frank came over here and found us? -Look, snap out of it, will ya? Kiss me. -Do you love me? Do you love me? -Do you love me? I asked first. -I asked first. Sometimes I think I do. -Sometimes I think I do. And sometimes you think you don't?! Well, get away then! -Wait a minute. Wait. Whatiya want? For cryin' out loud! Just get outta my bed. -I love you Don with all my heart. No. it's not Don. -I didn't mean to hurt you. Shhhhhh. Now I have your disease. -Shhhhhh. Now I have your disease. You. what? -You. what? You put your disease in me. your semen. it's hot and full of disease. -You put your disease in me. your semen. it's hot and full of disease. There's no disease, I can tell you. -There's no disease, I can tell you. Men are crazy. then they put their craziness into me. then it makes me crazy. then they aren't so crazy for awhile. then they put their craziness in me again. . it's burning me. but I love you. I do, I do. Did you know that? Did you know that I love you? -Men are crazy. then they put their craziness into me. then it makes me crazy. then they aren't so crazy for awhile. then they put their craziness in me again. . it's burning me. but I love you. I do, I do. Did you know that? Did you know that I love you? I'm glad you do. -I'm glad you do. There's so much I want to tell you. I'm in so much darkness though with things moving. there is darkness sucking me. It's kissing me and darkness is entering me. in every hole. It's opening me to a death. -There's so much I want to tell you. I'm in so much darkness though with things moving. there is darkness sucking me. It's kissing me and darkness is entering me. in every hole. It's opening me to a death. Dorothy. no! -Dorothy. no! If I die, then they'll be free. It's getting late, isn't it? I can tell. it's a cold feeling when it's late. It's warm then it gets cold. Jeffrey. I feel it getting cold. -If I die, then they'll be free. It's getting late, isn't it? I can tell. it's a cold feeling when it's late. It's warm then it gets cold. Jeffrey. I feel it getting cold. You called me Jeffrey. -You called me Jeffrey. I did. are you? -I did. are you? Yes. -Yes. Why are you here? Hmmmmmmmm!!!! Ok. -Why are you here? Hmmmmmmmm!!!! Ok. No. not really. but also because I really want you to be alright. -I guess I should go. I want you to stay with me. -I want you to stay with me. I think I better go. -I'll call you. Okay. soon? Do you think I'm too fat? -Okay. soon? Do you think I'm too fat? What? -What? I'm getting a little bit fat. I hate that. -I'm getting a little bit fat. I hate that. You look beautiful to me. -Oh no. No. Hi baby. -Yeah, it's me. Oh God, Jeffrey. is that you? Oh God. -Where have you been? Oh God. they hurt him, Jeffrey. Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, hold me. HOLD ME. Oh God. It's okay. it's okay. -It's okay. it's okay. My secret lover. -Shh. I'll tell you. They hurt his head. -They hurt his head. Who, Dorothy? -Who, Dorothy? Don. help him. HELP HIM!! DONNY!!!! -Hold me, Don. Don?. Where is he? -Don?. Where is he? HELP HIM!! Promise me you'll help him! -HELP HIM!! Promise me you'll help him! I promise, Dorothy. I promise. -I promise, Dorothy. I promise. Hold me. I'M FALLING! -We're looking for him. In your opinion, why did Frank kidnap Dorothy's son and husband? He became obsessed with her. She hated him. He had to have her. He kidnapped them to control her. to make her do things. Then she wanted to commit suicide so he started cutting off ears as a warning to her to stay alive. I'm not kidding. Frank loved blue. blue velvet. He had to have Dorothy cause her whole life was blue. -He became obsessed with her. She hated him. He had to have her. He kidnapped them to control her. to make her do things. Then she wanted to commit suicide so he started cutting off ears as a warning to her to stay alive. I'm not kidding. Frank loved blue. blue velvet. He had to have Dorothy cause her whole life was blue. You seemed to see some very interesting things on your little escapade with Dorothy Vallens. -You seemed to see some very interesting things on your little escapade with Dorothy Vallens. Yeah. I guess I did. What's going to happen to me? -Yeah. I guess I did. What's going to happen to me? We're going to leave that up to Detective Williams. I'll tell you though. you're okay. you shot a real son of a bitch. -We're going to leave that up to Detective Williams. I'll tell you though. you're okay. you shot a real son of a bitch. Yeah. I sure know that. Yeah, but how many more are out there? -No thanks. No thanks. what does that mean? -No thanks. what does that mean? I don't want to go. -I don't want to go. Go where? -Go where? On a ride. -On a ride. A ride?. Hell, that's a good idea. okay, let's go. Hey, let's go. -Heineken. FUCK THAT SHIT. PABST BLUE RIBBON!!! -Hey neighbor. Here's to Ben. Here's to Ben. -Here's to Ben. Do you see, Ben?. I can make him do anything I fuckin' please. -Hey? . You like to walk. What? -What? Let's take our neighbor out. Let him fuckin' walk back. -What are you lookin' at? Nothing. -Nothing. Don't look at me, Fuck. I shoot when I see the whites of the eyes. You like me?. -Don't be a good neighbor to her or I'm gonna send you a love letter. straight from my heart, fucker. You know what a love letter is? It's a bullet. straight from my gun, fucker. Once you get a love letter from me, you're fucked forever. Understand, Fuck? Yes. -Yes. I'll send you straight to hell, Fuck! -Come on. I wancha to meet a frienda mine. Raymond, get enough beer for Ben too. Okay Frank. -Okay Frank. What kinda beer do you like? -Raymond! Where's the fuckin' beer? Right here Frank. You want me to pour it? -Right here Frank. You want me to pour it? No, I want ya to fuck it. Shit, yes. pour the fuckin' beer. -No, I want ya to fuck it. Shit, yes. pour the fuckin' beer. There ya go. -There ya go. Good, let's drink up. -Yeah, how did you know? I just know, that's all. I remember you from Central. -Oh yeah? You were pretty popular. Didn't you run for some office? -You were pretty popular. Didn't you run for some office? Yeah I did. treasurer. Shouldn't you be studying or something. -Yeah I did. treasurer. Shouldn't you be studying or something. Am I bothering you? -Am I bothering you? No. You're not bothering me. You a senior? -No. You're not bothering me. You a senior? Yes. -Yes. How is Central these days? -How is Central these days? Terrible. boring. -Terrible. boring. What else is new?. right? -What else is new?. right? Yeah. What are you doing now? -Yeah. What are you doing now? I'm home from school. My father's in the hospital. -I'm home from school. My father's in the hospital. That's too bad. -That's too bad. What do you know about the ear?. anything? -What do you know about the ear?. anything? Didn't my father tell you not to talk about it? -Didn't my father tell you not to talk about it? Come on. you brought it up. Do you know anything? -Come on. you brought it up. Do you know anything? I don't really know much but bits and pieces . I hear things. My room is right above my father's office. The ear. there's no corpse in the morgue missing an ear, and it did come off a living person. That's direct from the Coroner's Office. The person is unknown. There are a couple of cases I get mixed up on, but I think there are some people who were brought in for questioning on a murder case that could have something to do with the ear. I heard some of the same names. -I don't really know much but bits and pieces . I hear things. My room is right above my father's office. The ear. there's no corpse in the morgue missing an ear, and it did come off a living person. That's direct from the Coroner's Office. The person is unknown. There are a couple of cases I get mixed up on, but I think there are some people who were brought in for questioning on a murder case that could have something to do with the ear. I heard some of the same names. Do you know who was brought in for questioning? -Do you know who was brought in for questioning? There were at least three, maybe four. But a name that keeps coming up is this woman who lives in an apartment building very close to your house and also close to the field where you found the ear. There's also a business man over by the Franklin factory district that was questioned. and a musician. and some others. -There were at least three, maybe four. But a name that keeps coming up is this woman who lives in an apartment building very close to your house and also close to the field where you found the ear. There's also a business man over by the Franklin factory district that was questioned. and a musician. and some others. Were all these people questioned this afternoon? -Were all these people questioned this afternoon? No. this has been going on for some time . several months. About six months ago some parts of bodies were found down by the river. They were from people who were reported missing. They never found one complete body. only parts. -No. this has been going on for some time . several months. About six months ago some parts of bodies were found down by the river. They were from people who were reported missing. They never found one complete body. only parts. The ear is from a missing person maybe? -The ear is from a missing person maybe? Maybe so. -Maybe so. It's a strange world isn't it? Do you know what building the woman lives in? -It's a strange world isn't it? Do you know what building the woman lives in? Yeah. It's close by. that's what's creepy. They've had her under surveillance for a couple of months, except I don't know what they've found out because my father isn't in charge of her. -Yeah. It's close by. that's what's creepy. They've had her under surveillance for a couple of months, except I don't know what they've found out because my father isn't in charge of her. I guess you have to get back home soon? -I guess you have to get back home soon? Not really, why? You want to see the building?. Come on, I'll show you. -That's the building. She lives on the Seventh Floor. Don't stop to look long . the police are watching. Where are they? -Where are they? I don't know. you're not supposed to see them. They're supposed to see you. -Did they find out anything when they questioned her? I don't know. like I said, she's not my father's case. -I don't know. like I said, she's not my father's case. Oh yeah. What about those other people? . Anything? -Oh yeah. What about those other people? . Anything? My father is watching the businessman. The businessman had a partner who disappeared. left his whole business and family, his wife and two kids. They think he's been murdered. -My father is watching the businessman. The businessman had a partner who disappeared. left his whole business and family, his wife and two kids. They think he's been murdered. You really do hear a lot, don't you? -You really do hear a lot, don't you? Yeah, I guess so. What are you going to do now that you're home? -Yeah, I guess so. What are you going to do now that you're home? I have to help out in my father's hardware store. they're giving me sort of my own hours for a while. which is nice. -I have to help out in my father's hardware store. they're giving me sort of my own hours for a while. which is nice. Still, it must be kinda rough. -Still, it must be kinda rough. It's not bad. but it's bad enough. it's a lot worse for my father. I used to know a kid who lived there and who had the biggest tongue in the world. -What happened to him? I don't know. he moved away. -I've gotta go in. Thanks for the tour. It was nice talking to you. -I guess so. Like you said. It's a strange world. Yeah. Good bye. -You hungry or thirsty, or both? I don't know. -I don't know. I'd like to talk to you about something. -I'd like to talk to you about something. Just a minute. pull over and wait a minute. -I don't want to cause any trouble. I'm here, aren't I? -I'm here, aren't I? I guess Mike's got some sort of sports practice in the afternoon. -I guess Mike's got some sort of sports practice in the afternoon. Ooooo, you are smart. Just don't get too smart. -Alright, now tell me. What is it? There are opportunities in life for gaining knowledge and experience. sometimes, in some cases. it's necessary to take a risk. I got to thinking. I'll bet a person could learn a lot by getting into that woman's apartment. you know. sneak in and hide and observe. -There are opportunities in life for gaining knowledge and experience. sometimes, in some cases. it's necessary to take a risk. I got to thinking. I'll bet a person could learn a lot by getting into that woman's apartment. you know. sneak in and hide and observe. You said it was a strange world. and you're the strangest part of it. Are you crazy.she is possibly involved in murder. This gives me the creeps. -You said it was a strange world. and you're the strangest part of it. Are you crazy.she is possibly involved in murder. This gives me the creeps. Settle down. I have a plan which I think will work. There is very little for you to do, but I do need your help. .Aren't you curious about my plan? -Settle down. I have a plan which I think will work. There is very little for you to do, but I do need your help. .Aren't you curious about my plan? It wouldn't hurt to hear the plan, I guess. -It wouldn't hurt to hear the plan, I guess. Alright. the first thing is to get into her apartment and open a window that I could crawl into later. -Alright. the first thing is to get into her apartment and open a window that I could crawl into later. Now, how are you going to do that? -Now, how are you going to do that? Right out in the car I happen to have some old overalls and a bug spraying rig. I will go to her apartment and be the pest control man. I will spray her apartment. After a few minutes you will knock on her door, drawing her attention away from me and I will then jimmy a window. -Right out in the car I happen to have some old overalls and a bug spraying rig. I will go to her apartment and be the pest control man. I will spray her apartment. After a few minutes you will knock on her door, drawing her attention away from me and I will then jimmy a window. What will I say when she comes to the door? -What will I say when she comes to the door? "You will be a Jehovah's Witness. I have a few ""Awake"" magazines for you. You don't have to keep her very long. a few seconds is all I'll need. Whatiya think?" -"You will be a Jehovah's Witness. I have a few ""Awake"" magazines for you. You don't have to keep her very long. a few seconds is all I'll need. Whatiya think?" I don't know. it sounds like a good daydream, . but actually doing it is too weird. too dangerous. -I don't know. it sounds like a good daydream, . but actually doing it is too weird. too dangerous. Let's just try the first part. If that goes well, we'll see about the rest. No one will suspect us, because no one would believe two people like us would be crazy enough to do something like this. -Let's just try the first part. If that goes well, we'll see about the rest. No one will suspect us, because no one would believe two people like us would be crazy enough to do something like this. You've got a point there. -Now. we'll walk over so there's no license plates and you give me at least three minutes. I can stall if it's more, but I need time to find a good window .alright? Alright. -Alright. Let's go. -Okay, I'm going ahead. Wait a minute, what's her name? Oh bother. Dorothy Vallens, Seventh Floor. Look on the mailbox for her number, bright boy. -Oh bother. Dorothy Vallens, Seventh Floor. Look on the mailbox for her number, bright boy. Thanks. Dorothy Vallens. Okay. good luck . three minutes, no sooner. -Thanks. Dorothy Vallens. Okay. good luck . three minutes, no sooner. Alright. Good luck, yourself. -Are you alright? Yeah. let's get outta here. What happened? -I was just about to go to the door, when that man did my job for me. Was it alright? Yes and no. Did you recognize him? -Yes and no. Did you recognize him? No. I only saw his back. He went down another stairwell at the end of the hall. -No. I only saw his back. He went down another stairwell at the end of the hall. I didn't get a good look at him either, but he sure looked at me. I didn't have time to get a window, but I found this key. Pretty nifty, huh? -I didn't get a good look at him either, but he sure looked at me. I didn't have time to get a window, but I found this key. Pretty nifty, huh? Yeah, if it opens the door. -Yeah, if it opens the door. Yeah. -So. what's next? Pretty clever. Are you game for more? -Pretty clever. Are you game for more? I owe you. since I goofed up this one. -I owe you. since I goofed up this one. You didn't goof it up, but. you still owe me one. I want to sneak in tonight. It's Friday. do you have a date tonight? -You didn't goof it up, but. you still owe me one. I want to sneak in tonight. It's Friday. do you have a date tonight? Yes. I do. -Yes. I do. Well, it's Friday night and you're a beautiful girl. I guess you would have a date. that does that. -You really want to do this, don't you? I don't want you to get involved, really, I mean, I do, but if something went wrong I mean, like you said, they may be involved in murder. -I'll tell Mike I'm sick. There's a game tonight anyway and he'll never miss me. Afterwards he can go out with the guys. Just so the record is kept straight though, I love Mike. What do want me to do? First of all, we'll have a nice dinner. Try to find out where Dorothy sings. -First of all, we'll have a nice dinner. Try to find out where Dorothy sings. "I already know. The ""Slow Club."" It's on Route 7." -"I already know. The ""Slow Club."" It's on Route 7." Great. I'll pick you up around eight o'clock. Is that good? -Great. I'll pick you up around eight o'clock. Is that good? Yeah, but don't pick me up. my father may think it's strange. I'll walk over to your house. I'll be there at eight o'clock. -Yeah, but don't pick me up. my father may think it's strange. I'll walk over to your house. I'll be there at eight o'clock. Okay. You better get out before someone sees us. -What's the plan. First of all, we're going to the Slow Club to see Dorothy Vallens. We'll watch her for awhile. I'd like to hear her sing anyway, and then also we'll know she is there and not in her apartment. -First of all, we're going to the Slow Club to see Dorothy Vallens. We'll watch her for awhile. I'd like to hear her sing anyway, and then also we'll know she is there and not in her apartment. Brilliant. -Brilliant. Then we'll drive back to her apartment and I will plant myself there. -Then we'll drive back to her apartment and I will plant myself there. This is not my usual Friday night! -I'd like an ice-cold Heineken. That sounds good. -That sounds good. Two. -Here's to. an interesting experience. I'll drink to that. -Jeffrey, I don't think you ought to do it. Why not? -Why not? It's crazy and dangerous. My God. I shouldn't have told you. -It's crazy and dangerous. My God. I shouldn't have told you. It'll be okay. I don't think you should wait out here though. I think you should go home. Can you drive this car? -It'll be okay. I don't think you should wait out here though. I think you should go home. Can you drive this car? Yeah. but. -Yeah. but. Leave it in the front of your house for me. okay? -Leave it in the front of your house for me. okay? O.K. -O.K. Could you wait a little while. this key may not fit. -Could you wait a little while. this key may not fit. . I wish you wouldn't do this. It doesn't make any sense. Let's go somewhere and have some coffee. -. I wish you wouldn't do this. It doesn't make any sense. Let's go somewhere and have some coffee. I'm going in, Sandy. I'll see you tomorrow and tell you how it went. -I'm going in, Sandy. I'll see you tomorrow and tell you how it went. I. I don't want to see you tomorrow. Mike's coming over. -I. I don't want to see you tomorrow. Mike's coming over. Oh, okay. can I call? -Oh, okay. can I call? Okay. yeah, call. -Okay. yeah, call. Look. it can wait till Sunday. -Look. it can wait till Sunday. Call tomorrow. It's okay. Good luck. I hope you can sneak out okay. You're going to wait until she's asleep? -Call tomorrow. It's okay. Good luck. I hope you can sneak out okay. You're going to wait until she's asleep? Yeah. -Yeah. I'm going to wait here until she comes. -I'm going to wait here until she comes. Are you sure? -Are you sure? I'll honk four times so you'll hear it and know she's on her way up. Okay? -Okay. thanks. I don't know if you're a detective or a pervert. -I don't know if you're a detective or a pervert. That's for me to know and for you to find out. I'll see you. I mean call you. okay? -That's for me to know and for you to find out. I'll see you. I mean call you. okay? Okay, okay. Bye. -Well, how did it go?. What happened? Well. I've found out some things. nothing really for certain. There are some strange people involved. -Well. I've found out some things. nothing really for certain. There are some strange people involved. What did you see? -What did you see? Well. Maybe we should discuss this somewhere else. you know what I mean? -What's with Mike? He got a little jealous. -He got a little jealous. I'm sorry, I didn't. -I'm sorry, I didn't. It's okay. Don't worry about it. -You want a Dairy Queen? No way. I'm about to blow up. -You want to tell me about it? ". OK. It's a strange world, Sandy. this is what I have found out. What I think I have found out. Dorothy Vallens is married to a man named Don. they have a son. I think the son and the husband have been kidnapped by a man named Frank who has now cut off both of Don's ears. I think he is holding them to make her do things for him. I think she wants to die. the ears were for her a warning to stay alive. there is another man involved. I call him the ""yellow man"". you saw his back the other day in the hall at her door. I don't know what he does but I think he's on drugs supplied by Frank. Frank is a very dangerous man." -". OK. It's a strange world, Sandy. this is what I have found out. What I think I have found out. Dorothy Vallens is married to a man named Don. they have a son. I think the son and the husband have been kidnapped by a man named Frank who has now cut off both of Don's ears. I think he is holding them to make her do things for him. I think she wants to die. the ears were for her a warning to stay alive. there is another man involved. I call him the ""yellow man"". you saw his back the other day in the hall at her door. I don't know what he does but I think he's on drugs supplied by Frank. Frank is a very dangerous man." Wow. Should you tell my father? -Wow. Should you tell my father? I don't see how I can. and I can't prove any of this. I got all this information illegally. also it could get you in trouble. -I don't see how I can. and I can't prove any of this. I got all this information illegally. also it could get you in trouble. You saw a lot in one night. -You saw a lot in one night. . Actually. I've been in twice. -. Actually. I've been in twice. Twice. without her sensing anything? -Twice. without her sensing anything? Yes. -Yes. Did you see her undressed? -Did you see her undressed? Yeah. I mean. a little, . you know. -Yeah. I mean. a little, . you know. Yeah? -Yeah? That doesn't bother you, does it? -That doesn't bother you, does it? Who, me? Why should it? -Who, me? Why should it? That's what I thought. -That's what I thought. You're sure right. It is a strange world. -You're sure right. It is a strange world. Why are there people like Frank. Why is there so much trouble in this world.? -I don't know. I had a dream. in fact. the night I met you. . in the dream the world was dark because there weren't any robins. you know, birds. robins stood for love. and all of a sudden thousands of robins flew down and brought this blinding light of love. and it felt like that love would be the only thing that would make any difference. I guess. until the robins come there is trouble. Yeah I guess so. You're a neat girl. -Yeah I guess so. You're a neat girl. So are you. I mean you're a neat guy. We better get back. -So are you. I mean you're a neat guy. We better get back. I guess so. you want to help me watch Frank?. I'm going to stake out Frank's place tomorrow. with a camera. -No, silly - I'm still in school you know. but I'll meet you after school and you can tell me what you've learned. You better be careful, Jeffrey. I will. I'll pick you up on the same corner at three thirty-five, okay? -Okay. be careful. Okay, Sandy. -Can I give you a kiss good night? You better not, Jeffrey. -You better not, Jeffrey. Okay. okay. -Okay. okay. Goodnight. -Goodnight. See ya tomorrow. -You were late. I'm really sorry. -I'm really sorry. What am I going to do? -What am I going to do? You want to go talk to him? -You want to go talk to him? Yeah, but. I don't think it's going to do much good. Let's go. I'll try to talk to him later. -You know, that cheese is practically all chemicals. That's what makes it so good. You wanta hear what I saw today? -That's what makes it so good. You wanta hear what I saw today? Shoot. -Shoot. Number one. I saw the Yellow Man go into Frank's building, laughing with Frank. Now. the only trouble is. what does this prove? -Number one. I saw the Yellow Man go into Frank's building, laughing with Frank. Now. the only trouble is. what does this prove? Nothing really, but it's interesting. they know each other. they seem to like each other. -Maybe. But I think the Yellow Man is on drugs. I think Frank supplies him. Oh yeah? -Oh yeah? Number two. I saw the Yellow Man come out. This time with a well-dressed man with an alligator briefcase. They drove down this factory building and stood on a staircase looking at something in the distance. Number three. now get this. In the distance was a murder. a drug dealer shot to death and a woman with her legs broken. -Number two. I saw the Yellow Man come out. This time with a well-dressed man with an alligator briefcase. They drove down this factory building and stood on a staircase looking at something in the distance. Number three. now get this. In the distance was a murder. a drug dealer shot to death and a woman with her legs broken. Jeffrey!! -Jeffrey!! Then these guys told me the police will find a huge amount of drugs inside the dead man's place. -Then these guys told me the police will find a huge amount of drugs inside the dead man's place. I can't believe what you are finding out. Are you going to continue with this. Are you going back to her apartment? -I can't believe what you are finding out. Are you going to continue with this. Are you going back to her apartment? Yeah. -Yeah. Jeffrey?. Why? -Jeffrey?. Why? I'm seeing something that was always hidden. I'm involved in a mystery. I'm learning. and it's all secret. -I'm seeing something that was always hidden. I'm involved in a mystery. I'm learning. and it's all secret. You like mysteries that much? -You like mysteries that much? Yeah. you're a mystery. I like you. very much. -You worry about me really? Yes. is that so surprising?. Yeah I worry. a lot. I got you into this. -Great. Hey. I've got a bit of a problem. I know some things. that could help your father but you might get into trouble. Jeffrey. are they important things? Well forget me - you have to tell him. Jeffrey. I mean it. -Everything okay? Yeah. I think so. I just had to tell him some of what I knew. Is Friday still on? -Yeah. I think so. I just had to tell him some of what I knew. Is Friday still on? You didn't tell him about me? -You didn't tell him about me? No. -I should never had gotten you going on this. Yes Jeffrey. Friday's on! Okay. great! -Okay. What is it? -What is it? Just some fatherly advice. -What was that all about? Nothing. really! It's good to see you. -Nothing. really! It's good to see you. It's good to see you. -It's good to see you. Where to? -Where to? Just go over to Gelford and up to Vista. It's not far. Can you tell me any more about what you learned? -Just go over to Gelford and up to Vista. It's not far. Can you tell me any more about what you learned? I'd rather not talk about it. I'll tell you about it sometime. -I'd rather not talk about it. I'll tell you about it sometime. It's okay. -It's okay. ... You look beautiful. -... You look beautiful. Thank you. Whatiya say we just enjoy the evening? -Thank you. Whatiya say we just enjoy the evening? I like that idea. that's a real good idea. -You want to dance? I can't dance fast. -I can't dance fast. Really? -Really? Really. you want to dance with someone else? -Really. you want to dance with someone else? NO. -NO. Let's wait for some slow one. -Let's wait for some slow one. Just a minute. -You want to dance? Okay. -Oh my God. What's wrong? Frank!! -My father has a gun at home. No. -No. Sandy. this guy is a killer!! I promise you. -Dorothy! ... Dorothy! Dorothy Vallens? -Dorothy Vallens? Yes. -Take her to my house. My dad can get an ambulance faster than anyone. Do you have anything to put around her? No. Is Detective Gordon going to be at your house? -No. Is Detective Gordon going to be at your house? Probably not. no. Why? -Probably not. no. Why? OK. Let's get her over to your father's. -OK. Let's get her over to your father's. Right. Watch out for Mike, there. -I should go with her, Sandy. Go ahead. -Go ahead. ... Sandy?. -... Sandy?. Go ahead! -Please get to your father and send him and the police to Dorothy's apartment right away. Be sure your father comes. Something is happening over there. They're hurting someone. the guy she loves. Tell them to hurry. I'm going over right now. No Jeffrey!! -No Jeffrey!! Yes I'm going. I have to. I love you. I will, believe me. -Look Jeffrey. Yeah. I just saw him outside. Maybe the robins are here. -Hi Dad. Hey Jeff. -Looks like they've got you strapped in pretty good. uh uh. -uh uh. Are you feeling okay? -Are you feeling okay? uh uh. -Good to see you, son. It's good to see you, Dad. -How ya doin' Dad? Hey Jeff. I'm feelin' so much better. -Hey Jeff. I'm feelin' so much better. Good deal Dad. -I mean, for good, Jeffrey. For good?. I can't. Mom. Not right in the middle of the term. -For good?. I can't. Mom. Not right in the middle of the term. Jeffrey. honey. Your father's condition is serious. It's going to cost so much. We just won't have the money to keep you in school. I'm telling you this now, so that you can get your things together and check out of school, honey, or whatever you have to do. it'll save you another trip back. You're going to have to work at the store. -Where's all your things, Jeffrey? This is it. -Jeffrey, breakfast is ready. Be right down. -What time are visiting hours? I've made arrangements with Dr. Gynde for 10:30. But Jeffrey, you'll have to walk over; I need the car this morning. -I've made arrangements with Dr. Gynde for 10:30. But Jeffrey, you'll have to walk over; I need the car this morning. Well. Okay. -Well. Okay. Jeffrey, when you see your father. -Jeffrey, when you see your father. Yeah? -Yeah? He doesn't know you're out of school. He thinks it's a vacation for you. -He doesn't know you're out of school. He thinks it's a vacation for you. What? -What? It would be too much for him. So please let him think as he does, that you're home just to see him. -It would be too much for him. So please let him think as he does, that you're home just to see him. Thanks a lot, Mom. -Thanks a lot, Mom. .Jeffrey!. Nobody wanted you to leave school and go to work in the store. maybe going back to school will be an option one day. I hope so. -I'm going out for awhile. Do you want the car? -Do you want the car? No, I'm just gonna walk around. -No, I'm just gonna walk around. Alright. -Can I use the car tonight? Of course, Jeffrey. -God. you scared me. Is something wrong? What's happened to your face? -Is something wrong? What's happened to your face? Nothing. I'm fine. -Nothing. I'm fine. You can't just stay out half the night and carry on, Jeffrey. There's got to be some order, Jeffrey. I thought it would have been nice to call your father when you got home but now it is much too late. -No. Looks like you'd make a good runner. -Looks like you'd make a good runner. Well. -Well. I mean, you don't exactly have the build for a football. I mean. no offense. -No. you're right. I mean. some guys play anyway but they usually get slaughtered. -I mean. some guys play anyway but they usually get slaughtered. Yeah, well I never wanted to get slaughtered much. -Yeah, well I never wanted to get slaughtered much. Well, most guys don't. I mean that's the point. You all mind if I take my vitamins? -Hey, you ivy league shit. COME HERE! Later Mike. I gotta take care of someone who's hurt here, in case you haven't noticed. -Hello. uh. my name is Jeffrey Beaumont. Is Detective Williams in? Oh, yes, Jeffrey. Come in. He'll be back any minute now. You're welcome to wait. Is it urgent? -I just wanted to ask him a few questions, that's all. Maybe I better go. Really, he'll be home soon, would you like a cup of coffee? -Really, he'll be home soon, would you like a cup of coffee? Alright. -I was sorry to hear about your father. I know your mother from church. It's such a shame. Yeah, I know. -Yeah, I know. Would you like a piece of cake? -Would you like a piece of cake? No. No thank you. -No. No thank you. It's a real good chocolate cake. Duncan Hines' devil's food. real good. -It's a real good chocolate cake. Duncan Hines' devil's food. real good. Yeah. okay. -He comes over to study. Yeah. -Mrs. Williams? Thanks for the cake. Oh, you're welcome. Nice to finally meet you, Jeffrey. -Oh, you're welcome. Nice to finally meet you, Jeffrey. "Say ""goodnight"" to Sandy." -Here you are. Would anyone like coffee? That sounds great! -That sounds great! Anyone else?. Alright Jeffrey, just a minute. -Please excuse me a moment, Jeffrey, and I'll get to the dishes. Sure thing. please don't worry about me. Can I help you with the dishes? -Sure thing. please don't worry about me. Can I help you with the dishes? Nice of you to offer, Jeffrey, but certainly not. just relax and enjoy your coffee. I'm sure Sandy will be back soon. -Sandy? ...Sandy, please. I'll get a coat for her. -Mike's gotta go. Nice to meet you. Yeah, nice meetin' yuh. -What are watchin' this junk for? You can change it if you want to. -You can change it if you want to. I don't know why we have to watch T.V. -I don't know why we have to watch T.V. Mike. We don't have to watch it. Come on. -Sandy?. Could I talk to you a minute? Sure. just a sec. Excuse me. -Come on out a minute, okay? Okay. -Hey come here, you stole my girl, you bastard. I'm gonna kick your ass, right in front of your stupid house. ... Stop it Mike. -QUIET! Callate! Where's Diego? I don't know. He sent me. I'm George. -I don't know. He sent me. I'm George. Oh, I see. George. Well, that explains everything. Open your mouth, George. -I've been holding this shit for him for three weeks. You tell Diego I don't appreciate it. You tell him I want my money by Friday. Can you do that? Um-hmm. -Greetings, Mr. George. Where do you guys want to count? -Where do you guys want to count? On the plane. -On the plane. What plane? We going someplace? Where we headed? You have your money. It's all there. What the fuck is going on? -Pleased to meet you finally, George. I am Augusto Oliveras. My pleasure, Augusto. Diego has told me much about you. -Norman Cay is not a person. He is an island, George. In the Bahamas. From what they say, it is free and it's Diego's new home. What? -Let us walk. From what I understand, Diego has bought a hundred and sixty acres, a marina, a hotel, and an airstrip. Motherfucker works fast. -Motherfucker works fast. The word is that soon he is to be king of the middle empire. He is doing multiple runs right now and using the island as a jump-off point. -The word is that soon he is to be king of the middle empire. He is doing multiple runs right now and using the island as a jump-off point. He what? -He what? Yes. Jack Stevens is already a very busy man. Along with many others. You shouldn't stay away so long. -Yes. Jack Stevens is already a very busy man. Along with many others. You shouldn't stay away so long. That's impossible. We can't be up and running. Who's distributing? -No honey, I'm alright. A toast! To Mister George Jung. Mr. I 95, north and south. My brother-in-law. Happy birthday! -Three-hundred kilos is a very big load, Georgie. Why don't we start small? No. I have the space. I figured it out. This is what I want to do. -No. I have the space. I figured it out. This is what I want to do. Alright. I'll ask Pablo, tell him it's for you. I don't think there will be a problem. -Alright. I'll ask Pablo, tell him it's for you. I don't think there will be a problem. Five-thousand per kilo. -Five-thousand per kilo. Ha ha. That's too much, Georgie. Those days are over. The rate is one-thousand dollars. Inflation, you know? -Ha ha. That's too much, Georgie. Those days are over. The rate is one-thousand dollars. Inflation, you know? This is a one time thing, Gusto. One and I'm out. Give me a good price for old time's sake. What do you think? -I'm so glad you two could make it. Mirtha, look at you. So beautiful. You look like you're about to burst. Thanks. I am. Where's Martha? -Thanks. I am. Where's Martha? I don't know. Drunk somewhere. Try the bar. And if you find her, tell her to come, it's almost midnight. -Que va hacer? Que queres decir. Que es lo que el va hacer? Pues, no va hacer nada. -Blanca, por favor. Mama, vos sos bien antigua. Como lo va a matar con un picahielo. Eso era en su tiempo, estamos casi ya en los ochenta. El lo va a meter un tiro, lo va a volar, le va a hechar un hijueputa carro encima. -Mama, vos sos bien antigua. Como lo va a matar con un picahielo. Eso era en su tiempo, estamos casi ya en los ochenta. El lo va a meter un tiro, lo va a volar, le va a hechar un hijueputa carro encima. Dejen la maricada pues! No jodan! Nadie va a matar a nadie! George, debemos hablarle al Patron, es la unica manera, mano. -Are you sure this guy is cool? You'll see for yourself. -Nothing like this back home. Derek! -This is it for me. What is? -What is? Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. -Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. You happy, baby? -You happy, baby? Yeah. I am. -Are you sure this guy is cool? You'll see for yourself. -Nothing like this back home. Derek! -This is it for me. What is? -What is? Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. -Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. You happy, baby? -You happy, baby? Yeah. I am. -We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. -Should we buy it? Are you kidding? -Are you kidding? We'll take it. -Honey, your nose! Oh my G-d, I'm so sorry. -You wanna split? Yeah, I don't feel so well. -Yeah, I don't feel so well. Okay, guys, we're gonna leave. Let's get the check. -Are you sure you're okay? You're pale. I feel like shit. Me and my frigging nosebleeds. -I feel like shit. Me and my frigging nosebleeds. I'm taking you to the doctor when we get home, and I don't want to hear any arguments. -I'm taking you to the doctor when we get home, and I don't want to hear any arguments. Would you be bummed out if I didn't go to Chicago with you? -Would you be bummed out if I didn't go to Chicago with you? No, not at all. Sure. You're right. You fly home and get some rest. -No, not at all. Sure. You're right. You fly home and get some rest. Nice first impression. A nose bleed in front of your parents. -Nice first impression. A nose bleed in front of your parents. Oh my G-d, how embarrassing were they? I wanted to shoot myself. -Oh my G-d, how embarrassing were they? I wanted to shoot myself. Oh, they weren't that bad. I mean, they were kind of cute. -Oh, they weren't that bad. I mean, they were kind of cute. Promise me that we'll never be like them. I don't want to wind up like that. -Promise me that we'll never be like them. I don't want to wind up like that. Relax, baby. We're going to wind up like us. -Surprise. Baby, you didn't have to come. -Baby, you didn't have to come. What, and miss all the fun? C'mon, not a chance. So, what's the verdict? -What, and miss all the fun? C'mon, not a chance. So, what's the verdict? Lawyer says he can plead it down to five years. I'll serve two. -Lawyer says he can plead it down to five years. I'll serve two. Two years. George, I can't wait that long. -Two years. George, I can't wait that long. What? You're not going to wait for me? -What? You're not going to wait for me? George, I went to the doctor. I don't have two years. -George, I went to the doctor. I don't have two years. Which brings me to rule number three: which says, fuck rules one and two, skip bail and take off. -Tuna, this is crap. I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. -I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. It's garbage. -You can't sell this to your friends. Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. -Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. -Tuna, this is crap. I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. -I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. It's garbage. -You can't sell this to your friends. Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. -Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. -Mr. Jung, you're a convicted felon, correct? Yes, I am. -Yes, I am. Do you have any agreement or understanding whatsoever with the United States government in regards to your testimony? -Do you have any agreement or understanding whatsoever with the United States government in regards to your testimony? No, I cam here out of my own volition. -No, I cam here out of my own volition. Excuse me? -Excuse me? Something about vengance being best served cold. -Something about vengance being best served cold. Really. Are you getting paid, Mr. Jung? -Really. Are you getting paid, Mr. Jung? Excuse me? -Excuse me? Mr. Jung, don't you have an agreement or understanding with the United States Government in connection with your testimony in this case? -Mr. Jung, don't you have an agreement or understanding with the United States Government in connection with your testimony in this case? I'm doing sixty years at Otisville, no chance of parole. Even if they cut my sentence in half I'll be seventy-three years old. That's some fucking deal. I don't know if the parole board, the judge, the pope or Jesus Christ himself can get me out of here. I have a really bad record, I'm not sure what's going to happen. -I'm doing sixty years at Otisville, no chance of parole. Even if they cut my sentence in half I'll be seventy-three years old. That's some fucking deal. I don't know if the parole board, the judge, the pope or Jesus Christ himself can get me out of here. I have a really bad record, I'm not sure what's going to happen. So you do have an agreement with the United States Government, Mr. Jung, correct? -Not so fast. I would like to go over the details. What details? I put the coke in the false bottoms and take it through customs. -What details? I put the coke in the false bottoms and take it through customs. Tell me about the suitcases. What is the make and the color? -Hmm. I see. Will there be clothes in the suitcase? What? Yeah, sure. -What? Yeah, sure. Whose cloths? Your clothes? -Whose cloths? Your clothes? My clothes, your clothes. What does it matter? -My clothes, your clothes. What does it matter? I would like to know the contents. Every detail is important. -I would like to know the contents. Every detail is important. What are we doing here, Diego? This guy's a clown. He's talking about clothes. -What are we doing here, Diego? This guy's a clown. He's talking about clothes. I demand to know everything. I do not trust six-hundred thousand dollars of coca to someone I don't know. -I demand to know everything. I do not trust six-hundred thousand dollars of coca to someone I don't know. It's a lousy fifteen kilos. I piss fifteen kilos. -It's a lousy fifteen kilos. I piss fifteen kilos. The coca is my responsibility! -The coca is my responsibility! You're a fucking amateur! -Why are you speaking? Excuse me? -Excuse me? You. Your responsibility is over. You do not fly. You are not a pilot. You are not a distributor. You introduced us to Mr. Stevens and the use of his airplane. That is all. You make a percentage. A generous one. And you're lucky to get that. -You. Your responsibility is over. You do not fly. You are not a pilot. You are not a distributor. You introduced us to Mr. Stevens and the use of his airplane. That is all. You make a percentage. A generous one. And you're lucky to get that. I see. How much? -I see. How much? Padrino will pay ten-thousand per kilo. For everyone. For you, and you, and you. -Mirtha. Diego needs to see you right away, please. Excuse us, Amorcito. -What can I do for you guys? We want some grass. -We want some grass. I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? -I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? No. -No. Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. -Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? -We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. -What the fuck is that? It's your grass. -What can I do for you guys? We want some grass. -We want some grass. I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? -I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? No. -No. Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. -Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? -We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. -What the fuck is that? It's your grass. -The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. -You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. -I don't know... Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. -Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. -Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. -Goodness. Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. -Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. And I only deal with you? -And I only deal with you? Barbara and me. No one else. -I don't think so. You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. -Are you sure you want to do this in front of everyone? Don't be ridiculous, these are my babies. -What did I tell you? It's great and everything, but what am I going to do with all this? -It's great and everything, but what am I going to do with all this? Sell it? -Half a million for you. Half a million for me. One-point-three five for the Colombians. Nice doing business with you, George. -Nice doing business with you, George. Not bad for a weekend's work, huh? -It's nothing personal, George. Just business. Yeah. I understand. Just business. Right. Fuck you. -Happy Birthday, George. Mirtha invited me. Yeah. She told me. -Yeah. She told me. Look, I'm sorry about everything. I feel like an idiot. You were right. I did fuck you. And then Diego fucked me. Cut me out, too. -Look, I'm sorry about everything. I feel like an idiot. You were right. I did fuck you. And then Diego fucked me. Cut me out, too. I heard. -I heard. I lost sight of everything. Forgot who my friends were. -I lost sight of everything. Forgot who my friends were. It's in the past. I'm out of the business now, so forget about it. No hard feelings. We need to move on. And besides, I'm sorry, too. -It's in the past. I'm out of the business now, so forget about it. No hard feelings. We need to move on. And besides, I'm sorry, too. You? -You? For calling you a homo. -For calling you a homo. That was out of line. -Christ almighty, George. Feed her a cheeseburger or something. What does she weight, eighty pounds? I know. She needs to slow down. She's going to blow an O-ring. -I want my kid out of protective custody. Now. No fucking around. My wife and my kid on a plane tonight. I sign when they call me safe and sound. No fucking way. -No fucking way. Fuck you, then. I sign nothing. -George? You better get yourself a good lawyer this time. We're gonna nail your ass to the wall on this one. Oh hey, one more thing? -Oh hey, one more thing? What's that? -What's that? Get me a six pack. -If you don't mind me asking, what is the reason you are in this place? What? -What? Your offense? Why are you here? -Your offense? Why are you here? I don't want to talk about it. -I don't want to talk about it. Intriguing. I see. Would you like to know my crime? -Intriguing. I see. Would you like to know my crime? Not really, no. -Not really, no. No? -No? I don't like a lot of conversation, Diego. -I don't like a lot of conversation, Diego. Me, too. Too much blah, blah, blah, blah is no good. But we are roommates, okay? And we must talk to each other. I am arrested for stealing cars. For the grand theft auto. Okay? So, now it is your turn. Now you will tell me, okay? You will tell me why you are here? -Oh, come on, George. If we are to be friends, we must trust each other. Murder. -Murder. Ah, yes. The murder. -What do you got there, Diego? Nothing. Just a little project. -Nothing. Just a little project. What kind of project? -What kind of project? Never mind. Not for you to worry. -Never mind. Not for you to worry. I thought you said we were roommates. That we should talk about everything. -I thought you said we were roommates. That we should talk about everything. You have your intrigues. I have mine. This is a happy day for me, George. Nine months from today, I will be in Medellin sipping champagne. In nine months, I am free. How much time do you have? -You have your intrigues. I have mine. This is a happy day for me, George. Nine months from today, I will be in Medellin sipping champagne. In nine months, I am free. How much time do you have? Twenty-six months. -Twenty-six months. Twenty-six months? For murder? I must be your lawyer. -Twenty-six months? For murder? I must be your lawyer. I've got to get out of here, Diego. -I've got to get out of here, Diego. Only two ways I know to leave here early. One is to escape. -Only two ways I know to leave here early. One is to escape. What's the other one? -I never believed you were a murderer. I knew. I knew you are a magico. I have seen it in you. It's in your spirit. I'm tired, Diego. Go to bed. -I'm tired, Diego. Go to bed. You like to make the boundaries disappear. It's not only the money, is it, George? The adventure is part of the victory. It's the thrill, ah? -You like to make the boundaries disappear. It's not only the money, is it, George? The adventure is part of the victory. It's the thrill, ah? Good night. -Good night. In my country, I am a magico. A man with a dream. A man on the rise. To take nothing and make it something, okay? I have failed my dream, but I will accomplish. That is why I am in your country. Yes, I lose my freedom. But they do not take my dream. Do you have a dream, George? -In my country, I am a magico. A man with a dream. A man on the rise. To take nothing and make it something, okay? I have failed my dream, but I will accomplish. That is why I am in your country. Yes, I lose my freedom. But they do not take my dream. Do you have a dream, George? I would if I could get some sleep. -I would if I could get some sleep. Yes, you have a dream. And maybe you accomplish your dream. But yet you failed. Why? -Yes, you have a dream. And maybe you accomplish your dream. But yet you failed. Why? Because I got caught. -Because I got caught. No, my brother. -No, my brother. Because they caught me? -Because they caught me? You failed because you had the wrong dream. -George? What do you know about cocaine? I don't know, Diego. I've got a good thing going already. Everybody smokes pot. It's easy. Cocaine is a rich man's drug. It's too expensive. -I don't know, Diego. I've got a good thing going already. Everybody smokes pot. It's easy. Cocaine is a rich man's drug. It's too expensive. No, no. That is where you are wrong. For us, it is cheap. In Medellin, we buy for six-thousand dollars a kilo. IN Miami, we sell for sixty. -That's over fifty-thousand dollars profit per kilo. And that's wholesale. Cut it a few times and retail, you're looking at two, three-hundred thousand. -And that's wholesale. Cut it a few times and retail, you're looking at two, three-hundred thousand. Oh my G-d. -Oh my G-d. Yes. And a kilo of coca is smaller than a kilo of your precious marijuana. Everything is the same, George, except instead of thousands, you are making millions. -Yes. And a kilo of coca is smaller than a kilo of your precious marijuana. Everything is the same, George, except instead of thousands, you are making millions. Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. -Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. Now do you see what I am saying? -Now do you see what I am saying? Getting it here is no problem. Trust me. I'll fly it in myself if I have to. What about supply? How much can we get? -Getting it here is no problem. Trust me. I'll fly it in myself if I have to. What about supply? How much can we get? Don't worry. We will talk of everything. We have the time. You arrive here with a Bachelor of Marijuana, but you will leave with a Doctorate of Cocaine. -What type of planes do you have? Four passenger, single engine Cessna. -Four passenger, single engine Cessna. How many kilos can we fit in these planes? -How many kilos can we fit in these planes? I don't know. A hundred, hundred and fifty. How many miles is it from Colombia to Miami? -I don't know. A hundred, hundred and fifty. How many miles is it from Colombia to Miami? Fifteen hundred. We'll have to stop somewhere to refuel. -Fifteen hundred. We'll have to stop somewhere to refuel. We'll refuel in the Bahamas. I know someone there. -We'll refuel in the Bahamas. I know someone there. Great. I love the Bahamas. -Diego Delgado, please? Allo? -Allo? Diego? It's George. -Diego? It's George. George, hallo! Today is the day, ah? Are you out? -George, hallo! Today is the day, ah? Are you out? Yeah, I'm out. -Yeah, I'm out. Congratulations, brother. I've been waiting for you. -Congratulations, brother. I've been waiting for you. How are we doing? -How are we doing? Perfect, George. Perfect. Everything is fine down here. Everything is all set up. -Perfect, George. Perfect. Everything is fine down here. Everything is all set up. Do we need a plane? How does this work? When do I see you? -Do we need a plane? How does this work? When do I see you? Slow down, George. Slow down. -You need to come down here, everybody meets everybody. Ho ho ho. Ha ha ha. We do one for good faith and then we talk about airplanes. I can't go anywhere, Diego. I'm on parole. I can't leave the state. -I can't go anywhere, Diego. I'm on parole. I can't leave the state. But you must. It's the only way. -But you must. It's the only way. I just got released five minutes ago. -I just got released five minutes ago. George, are we gonna do this or not? -Good to see you, Diego. Yes. Look around you. The sun. The water. The women. It's better than Danbury, no? Come on. I have some friends I would like you to meet. -Fifteen kilos. Seven and a half in each suitcase. You receive a hundred thousand dollars upon delivery. Okay. -Please, continue. We make the pick-up, refuel once more in the Bahamas, and fly back on Sunday with the mom and pop traffic. -What's the matter, George? What's the matter? We're moving three hundred fucking kilos and we're making dogshit. -What's the matter? We're moving three hundred fucking kilos and we're making dogshit. A million dollars for our first run is not bad, George. -A million dollars for our first run is not bad, George. It is bad. It's chump change. We might as well be hauling suitcases across the border. We're getting screwed. -It is bad. It's chump change. We might as well be hauling suitcases across the border. We're getting screwed. I know. -I know. And what happens when these guys stop paying? Sooner or later, these guys are going to cut us out. Then where are we? -And what happens when these guys stop paying? Sooner or later, these guys are going to cut us out. Then where are we? That's my George, always thinking. -This is only part of the business, George. A very small part. Don't worry, there is so much more to do. Which reminds me, I need a favor from you. I must go to Colombia. What is it, George? Because I have to get home. I've got a parole officer waiting for me. -What is it, George? Because I have to get home. I've got a parole officer waiting for me. I need you to go to Miami. -George. Jesus Christ, Diego, where are you? It's been eleven days and these guys want their fucking money. -Jesus Christ, Diego, where are you? It's been eleven days and these guys want their fucking money. Bad news, George. I'm in Colombia. -Bad news, George. I'm in Colombia. Well, you better get here fast. I'm sitting on... -Jesus Christ, George, I don't see you in two years, and you show up at my door with a hundred and ten pounds of cocaine? Just sell it, Derek. -Thirty-six hours. I can't believe it. Everything is gone in thirty-six hours. I think it's fair to say you underestimated the market there, Derek. -I think it's fair to say you underestimated the market there, Derek. Touche. -Touche. But to the victor belong the spoils. -George, good to see you, my brother. What the fuck is going on? When did you get out of jail? -What the fuck is going on? When did you get out of jail? Pablo used his influence. Now, George, watch what you say. Everybody hears everything. A lot of things get said and done that, well, let's just say this isn't America. Life is cheap here, you know? No offense, but you know what I'm saying? -Pablo used his influence. Now, George, watch what you say. Everybody hears everything. A lot of things get said and done that, well, let's just say this isn't America. Life is cheap here, you know? No offense, but you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Keep my mouth shut and let you do the talking. -Yeah. Keep my mouth shut and let you do the talking. Right. Now who is the person in California? The connection? -Right. Now who is the person in California? The connection? Just a friend. -Just a friend. Who? I need to know. Ah, never mind. We'll talk about it later. -Who? I need to know. Ah, never mind. We'll talk about it later. Yeah. You do the talking. -Three million. I counted it twice. It's two-point-five, George. I am sure. -I'm calling it three. We're half a million off. -We're half a million off. Fuck it. I'm not counting it again. -Fuck it. I'm not counting it again. Weight it. If it's sixty pounds, it's three. If it's fifty, it's two-point five. -Weight it. If it's sixty pounds, it's three. If it's fifty, it's two-point five. I don't give a shit. Close enough. -Where do I put this!? Try the back bedroom. -There's no room. Try the closet. -Are you comfortable with this? George, we've got sixty-one million dollars. It's either here or someplace else. We've got to put it somewhere. Unless you want to launder it. -George, we've got sixty-one million dollars. It's either here or someplace else. We've got to put it somewhere. Unless you want to launder it. And keep only forty-percent? No thanks. -And keep only forty-percent? No thanks. Then relax. It's a federal bank. Guaranteed by the government. And Senor Noriega has very lenient banking principles. No questions. No problems. All the pesados keep their money here. Even El Padrino. What do you worry? Everyone knows we are with Escobar. Who is going to fuck with us? -I'm married, George. Me. I can't believe it. Can you believe I'm married, George? You're a lucky man, Diego. -You're a lucky man, Diego. I love you, my brother, do you know that? -I love you, my brother, do you know that? I love you too, man. -Three years. How long have we been in business? Three years. Does she get to meet your connection? Was she good enough? Shut up, Diego. They're going to be here any minute. I'm trying to concentrate. -Shut up, Diego. They're going to be here any minute. I'm trying to concentrate. I'm very angry with you, George. Very angry. You don't take me to California, but you take your bitch wife? A woman? I understand you love her, but it was you and me who started this. You and me. -I'm very angry with you, George. Very angry. You don't take me to California, but you take your bitch wife? A woman? I understand you love her, but it was you and me who started this. You and me. What do you need my connection for, Diego? What are you going to do with it? -What do you need my connection for, Diego? What are you going to do with it? What do I do with it? Nothing. It's for peace of mind. It's for the principle. -Jesus fucking Christ, Diego. I ain't telling you. It's just business. Now, shut up. You're driving me crazy. I'm driving you crazy? No. You're driving me crazy. We had a dream. What happened to our dream? -Nothing. Todo esta bien. Everything is not alright. I bring you in, and you slap my fucking face! -Everything is not alright. I bring you in, and you slap my fucking face! This is not the time, Diego. -Take it easy! Everything's okay! Que es lo que quieren de me, hijueputas campesinos? -Estoy bien, okay? Everything is alright. There's no problem. Okay? This never happened. No one has to know anything about this. Diego, I want you to calmly tell them where the fucking coke is. Do it now. Es un Ford blanco junto a una pick-up. -Derek Foreal. What? -What? Derek Foreal. Derek Foreal. Derek fucking Foreal. Alright? The answer to all your dreams. Are you happy now? -George, I am happy to see you. How are you, my brother? No more brothers, Diego. -No more brothers, Diego. Of course we are brothers. Why do you say that? You hurt me, George. -Of course we are brothers. Why do you say that? You hurt me, George. You fucked me, Diego. -You fucked me, Diego. I did not. -I did not. You went behind my back and you cut me out. -You went behind my back and you cut me out. No, I never. I would not do that, George. Never. -No, I never. I would not do that, George. Never. I talked to Foreal, Diego. -You'd better kill me now, Diego, because you're a dead man. George, don't be so emotional. This is business. Besides, I can't kill you, you are my brother. -He's in tachycardia. George, your heart is racing. Have you been using drugs? Coke. -Coke. Cocaine? How much? -Cocaine? How much? I don't know. Maybe eighteen grams. -I don't know. Maybe eighteen grams. In how long? A week? -In how long? A week? Today. -Today. Oh, Jesus, Get me a 12-lead e.k.g. and start an i.v. stat! This man is having a heart attack. -Well, you know. It's um... Oh, shut up, Fred. Shut your big fat mouth. You don't buy it all at once. It's called layaway. -Yeah, layaway. The boy is happy, Fred. Don't be such a killjoy. -Surprised to see me? Take your boots off. You're tan. -Take your boots off. You're tan. Mexico. -Mexico. Yeah. We heard all about it. I want you to know I'm deeply sorry about your girlfriend. -Yeah. We heard all about it. I want you to know I'm deeply sorry about your girlfriend. Barbara. -Barbara. Yes, Barbara. She was very pretty. -Yes, Barbara. She was very pretty. Thank you. Have you been getting the money I sent you? -Thank you. Have you been getting the money I sent you? You mean the drug money? Yes, I got it. -G-d, son. Okay, Mom. It's okay. Where's Dad? -It's a family heirloom. I've seen those in magazines. They're not cheap. -I've seen those in magazines. They're not cheap. Mirtha comes from a very wealthy family. -Mirtha comes from a very wealthy family. Oh, I see. -Tell him I don't want to see him. Tell him he's not welcome here. Mom. -I just can't get over the size of that ring. I just love it. Fred, look at it. Tell me you don't love that ring. I'm just happy that George has found someone he cares for. -I'm just happy that George has found someone he cares for. Yes. Of course. But, I'm talking about that ring. It's something else. Let me tell you. -Layaway shmayaway. That's right. Layaway. Something you wouldn't know anything about, you cheapskate. -That's right. Layaway. Something you wouldn't know anything about, you cheapskate. Who's the cheapskate? -Who's the cheapskate? You, you big old tightwad. He still has his communion money. Tell him, George. Tell your father about layaway. -Yeah. Nice. Look at this credenza. If you don't mind me asking, how much is something like that? It's got to cost a fortune. -So, this is the man who takes fifty kilos and makes them disappear in one day? Actually, it was three. -Actually, it was three. The man who gives us the airplanes. The man from America. The mafia. Chicago. Boom boom. Hollywood. You are going to open for us the gates of Hollywood, George? -The man who gives us the airplanes. The man from America. The mafia. Chicago. Boom boom. Hollywood. You are going to open for us the gates of Hollywood, George? It would be my pleasure. -It would be my pleasure. Good. Very good. Welcome, my friend. Welcome to my country. -The man in the garden. He was full of courage. Un sapo? -Un sapo? Un rata - no good. But he could have run, fled the country. Gone to the policia. But then his wife, his children, his parents, his friends, many people would die. -Un rata - no good. But he could have run, fled the country. Gone to the policia. But then his wife, his children, his parents, his friends, many people would die. Yes. -Yes. But, never mind. I am thinking we can do much together. This problem with Diego, the stolen car, the jail, is very silly business. To release him from the carcel, it causes me much inconvenience. The fifty kilos could have been a big problem. And I don't like problems. -But, never mind. I am thinking we can do much together. This problem with Diego, the stolen car, the jail, is very silly business. To release him from the carcel, it causes me much inconvenience. The fifty kilos could have been a big problem. And I don't like problems. With all respect, Padrino. Diego is my partner. I do not do business without him. -I like you, George. You are loyal. That is good. That is rare. Maybe crazy. Yes. I can tell already. You are like me. I look at you and I see myself. It's in the eyes, no, George? Yes, it is. -Yes, it is. So, you are wanting to sell the cocaine for me in your country, George? -So, you are wanting to sell the cocaine for me in your country, George? Yes, sir. As much as you can give me. -Yes, sir. As much as you can give me. As much as I can give you? Ha ha. Very good. I like that. Come, George. Let us drive. We have much to talk about. -I like to come up here. To make the decisions. To be one with nature. It's beautiful. -It's beautiful. People tell me that I am crazy. That my business will never work in your country. What do you think, George? -What do I think? I don't want my answer to be influenced by what I want, so I'm going to have to say I don't know. Yes. I do not know, either. What do you want, George? -Yes. I do not know, either. What do you want, George? I want money. -I want money. Yes. Money. Which is what, George? -Yes. Money. Which is what, George? Freedom. -Freedom. Power? -Power? Yeah, maybe. -Yeah, maybe. Family. -Family. Sure. -Sure. Beautiful girls? -Beautiful girls? Keep them coming. -Keep them coming. Keep them coming? Ah, yes. Ha ha. You are right. But money. -Keep them coming? Ah, yes. Ha ha. You are right. But money. Money. -Money. And Diego? -And Diego? Diego is my brother. -George, you look terrible. Yeah, well... -Yeah, well... Diego? -Diego? Yeah. -Yeah. Please. Sit down. We'll drink some scotch. -Please. Sit down. We'll drink some scotch. I didn't come here to drink scotch. -I didn't come here to drink scotch. I see. I'm sorry about this, George. I'm not happy about this situation. It's bad. You now know who your Brutus is. -I see. I'm sorry about this, George. I'm not happy about this situation. It's bad. You now know who your Brutus is. You know why I'm here. You know what I have to do. I came here for permission. Out of respect, Pablo. This is bullshit, he's making me look like a punk. -You know why I'm here. You know what I have to do. I came here for permission. Out of respect, Pablo. This is bullshit, he's making me look like a punk. It is very difficult. Diego makes me a lot of money. If Diego goes so does the money. You were an excellent teacher, George. When the student has learned well, the teacher is no longer necessary. We must remember we have wives, friends, familia. Even familia that has not been born. But sometimes, we must forget as well. I am like you. I must teach the lesson. We want to teach the lesson. But we cannot. We must remember that life is the teacher. -It is very difficult. Diego makes me a lot of money. If Diego goes so does the money. You were an excellent teacher, George. When the student has learned well, the teacher is no longer necessary. We must remember we have wives, friends, familia. Even familia that has not been born. But sometimes, we must forget as well. I am like you. I must teach the lesson. We want to teach the lesson. But we cannot. We must remember that life is the teacher. You're saying life will take care of Diego? -You're saying life will take care of Diego? Life will take care of everybody. Diego, me, you. It is the teacher. -Life will take care of everybody. Diego, me, you. It is the teacher. I get it. I'm really pissed, Pablo. You know the DEA knows about Norman's Cay. For Chrissakes, Diego worships Adolf Hitler and John Lennon, that's fucked up! -I get it. I'm really pissed, Pablo. You know the DEA knows about Norman's Cay. For Chrissakes, Diego worships Adolf Hitler and John Lennon, that's fucked up! I'm sorry, George. -I'm sorry, George. Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? You and me, Pablo? Are we good? -Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? You and me, Pablo? Are we good? Of course, George. We are beautiful. We are brothers. Real brothers. Not like Diego. We started this, George. -There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. -That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. I know. -I know. Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. -Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... -What are you going to do? I'm going to California. -There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. -That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. I know. -I know. Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. -Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... -What are you going to do? I'm going to California. -May the wind always be at your back and the sun always upon your face... ...and the winds of destiny carry you aloft... -Just low. You loved her, didn't you? You really loved her. -You loved her, didn't you? You really loved her. Yeah, Dad. I really did. What am I gonna do? -Yeah, Dad. I really did. What am I gonna do? Tough spot. -You mad at me? Not mad. -Not mad. Yeah, you are. I can tell by the way you look at me. -Yeah, you are. I can tell by the way you look at me. I just don't know what you're thinking. I don't understand your choices. You know, the police are looking for you. -I just don't know what you're thinking. I don't understand your choices. You know, the police are looking for you. I know. I'm great at what I do, Dad. I mean, I'm really great. -I know. I'm great at what I do, Dad. I mean, I'm really great. Let me tell you something, son. You would have been great at anything. -So, business is going good. I've got this import/export thing going on in Miami that's been very profitable. With my investments... Don't bullshit me, George. I don't see you very much, I don't want to waste the time. -You're like your mother. You love money. Dad. -Dad. No, it's good. You have a family. It's good if it makes you happy. It's nice to have nice things. Are you happy, son? -No, it's good. You have a family. It's good if it makes you happy. It's nice to have nice things. Are you happy, son? Yeah, Dad. I'm happy right now. -Hi. I heard. Ermine, your son is here. -She's angry. It's all over the news. Yeah. Listen. I'm going to be going away for awhile. -Yeah. Listen. I'm going to be going away for awhile. You're not going to trial? -You're not going to trial? No. -No. Good. -Give this to Mom, will you? Money. You and your mother. All the time chasing it. I never understood it. -Money. You and your mother. All the time chasing it. I never understood it. Give it to her, Dad. It'll make her happy. -Give it to her, Dad. It'll make her happy. Yeah, I know. This is it, isn't it? -Tell Mom, you know... I'll tell her. -And that FBI agent, Trout? When he had to get on his knees to put my boots on? You said... That's where you belong... -...you sonofabitch. Putting on George's boots. That was a good one, Dad. That was really something. Remember that? -"I guess I kind of lost sight of things. ""May the wind always be at your back and the sun always upon your face, and the winds of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars."" Love, George." That was a beautiful message. -That was a beautiful message. I meant every word of it. -I meant every word of it. Did you know I died two weeks after you sent me that tape? -How are you doing, George? What do you guys want? -What do you guys want? You hear about your old friend, Diego? -You hear about your old friend, Diego? What about him? -What the fuck? Is he going to walk? He's going down, George. It's election year. We're not making any deals. -Don't be stupid, George. We've got him. We've got him dead to rights. But like I said, this is top priority so we're handing out free passes on this one. And the first one's got your name on it. Cut your sentence in half, maybe more. No thanks, fellas. You've got the wrong fucking guy. I'm not a rat. -Figured it out. Figured what out? -Figured what out? You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. -It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. -George. Tuna. -Figured it out. Figured what out? -Figured what out? You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. -It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. -George. Tuna. -Look what the cat dragged in. Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? -What the fuck are you talking about, man? The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. -Source? What about Derek? He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. -Hello. Hello. -Hello. Do I know you? -Do I know you? I don't think so. -I don't think so. Why are you smiling? -Why are you smiling? Why are you smiling? -Why are you smiling? I don't know. My name is George. -I don't know. My name is George. I know who you are, El Americano. Mister George. -I know who you are, El Americano. Mister George. What is your name? -You better know what you're doing, George. You're playing with fire. I like fire. -Jesus Christ. Oh, don't be such a fucking hypocrite. I quit smoking, didn't I? -Oh, don't be such a fucking hypocrite. I quit smoking, didn't I? Put that shit away, they're here. -George. Oh, Jesus Christ, George. Look at you. Shhh, honey, never mind. It's alright. It's over. I quit the business. I'm out. -Shhh, honey, never mind. It's alright. It's over. I quit the business. I'm out. Pablo said no? -Pablo said no? Pablo said no. It's all over. And I'm never going back. I have you. We have the baby. And there's nothing else. It's just the family now. Shhh. Sleep now. -Look, Mirtha. She's walking. She did that before. -She did that before. No. These are her first steps. Watch her. -No. These are her first steps. Watch her. Yeah. I know. She did that before. -Yeah. I know. She did that before. But this is... -But this is... I said, I've seen it before. -I said, I've seen it before. Alright. -Alright. Can you lift the furnace. I need money. -Can you lift the furnace. I need money. Where are you going? -Where are you going? Out. -No, that's alright. Oh fucking relax. Let your hair down for once. It's your fucking birthday, for Chrissakes. You're such a fucking pussy. I swear to G-d, I married this big time drug dealer and wound up with the maid. -What are we going to do?! What are we going to use for money?! Please, Mirtha. I'll start working for Augusto. I'll talk to him tonight. I'll do something. -Please, Mirtha. I'll start working for Augusto. I'll talk to him tonight. I'll do something. Don't touch me. Tell me. Just answer the question. What do I spend? What? How will we live? -Not in front of the kid. Don't give me that shit. You just better do something. -There's a fucking cop behind us, Mirtha. Be cool, will ya. Fuck you, George, just fucking drive. -Fuck you, George, just fucking drive. "Hey, why don't you just put a ""I'm doing cocaine"" sign on the car. What is your fucking problem?" -"Hey, why don't you just put a ""I'm doing cocaine"" sign on the car. What is your fucking problem?" My problem? We're broke, that's my fucking problem. And you're a fucking spy. -My problem? We're broke, that's my fucking problem. And you're a fucking spy. What? -What? That's right. Always spying, always judging. Everyone's laughing at you, you fucking pussy. You let Diego fuck you in the ass. Maybe you are a fucking faggot. You must be fucking Diego because you're not fucking me. -You should have taken better care of me, you know? You've been away a long time. Four years. Say something. What do you want me to say? I'm in prison. You should know. You put me here. -What do you want me to say? I'm in prison. You should know. You put me here. Fuck you, George. I knew you'd say something like that. Always thinking about yourself. -What do you want? You knew I was seeing Kristina, right? -You knew I was seeing Kristina, right? Yeah. She told me. You walk her to school. -Yeah. She told me. You walk her to school. Yeah, so I've been thinking. I love her, y'know? I kind of want to have her. I've been away for so long. Make up for the missed time, you know? -Yeah, so I've been thinking. I love her, y'know? I kind of want to have her. I've been away for so long. Make up for the missed time, you know? I haven't seen one dollar from you. You haven't paid me one cent in child support, alimony. -I haven't seen one dollar from you. You haven't paid me one cent in child support, alimony. Yeah, well. I'm working on that. I've got something going. -Yeah, well. I'm working on that. I've got something going. Yeah? I better see some money out of it. -Yeah? I better see some money out of it. Yeah, you will. Of course. -Hey, look. You start paying, who knows what will happen. You're a good father, George. I always gave you that. But you've got to talk to her. Yeah. -Yeah. She's getting big. Getting her own ideas. -She's getting big. Getting her own ideas. I know. Well, that's all I really wanted to say. So, okay, then. -Hey, George. You okay? Yeah. I'm fine. I'm good. -Mirtha, what's going on? Everything okay with Kristina? Kristina's fine. -Kristina's fine. Is she here? Is she coming? -Is she here? Is she coming? Is she here? George, Kristina hates you. You fucked her over one too many times. And I'm not here to socialize. Did you hear about Diego? -Is she here? George, Kristina hates you. You fucked her over one too many times. And I'm not here to socialize. Did you hear about Diego? Yeah. -Yeah. "Well, I got a call from Pablo. He said this thing with Diego is a disaster. He's giving up lab locations, names, bank accounts, he was very pissed off. Pablo said to take him down. His exact words were ""Fuck Diego.""" -"Well, I got a call from Pablo. He said this thing with Diego is a disaster. He's giving up lab locations, names, bank accounts, he was very pissed off. Pablo said to take him down. His exact words were ""Fuck Diego.""" He wants me to testify? Is that what he's asking me to do? -He wants me to testify? Is that what he's asking me to do? George, he wasn't asking. -Mirtha, how are you doing? Better than you. -Everything's gonna be okay, sweetheart. Don't be upset. What's happening to us? -I don't know. Are we gonna split up? -Are we gonna split up? No, never. Don't even think about that, it's impossible. I love your mother. And you are my heart. Could I live without my heart? Could I? -What are you doing here? Nothing. I just wanted you to know I was out. I just wanted to see you. -Nothing. I just wanted you to know I was out. I just wanted to see you. Well, here I am. See? -Well, here I am. See? How are you doing? -How are you doing? George, you just can't show up, tell me you love me, and have everything be okay. -George, you just can't show up, tell me you love me, and have everything be okay. Dad. -Dad. What? -What? You can call me Dad if you want. -You can call me Dad if you want. I don't want, alright? It's not funny. I'm really pissed off, George. You blew it, now leave me alone. -I don't want, alright? It's not funny. I'm really pissed off, George. You blew it, now leave me alone. Kristina, c'mon, I'm sorry. I'm going to make this right. I've got a few things going on... -Kristina, c'mon, I'm sorry. I'm going to make this right. I've got a few things going on... What do you want from me? -What do you want from me? Just to walk with you. I want to be your dad again. -Just to walk with you. I want to be your dad again. Do what you want, it's a free country. -Let me ask you something. If you could go anywhere in the world, anywhere, where would you want to go? You mean, like a trip? -You mean, like a trip? Yeah, sure, whatever. -California? You can go anywhere in the world. India. Tibet. Australia. Paris. And you choose California? Yeah. -Yeah. What is it? A Disneyland thing? -What is it? A Disneyland thing? No. I just kind of like the sound of it. -No. I just kind of like the sound of it. California, huh? -California, huh? California. -Bye, Dad. See you in the morning, okay? I'll be here. -I'm thinking about getting out of town this week. You want to come with me? Where are you going? -Where are you going? I don't know. Maybe California. -I don't know. Maybe California. You swear? -You swear? Yeah. Go out there, check it out, see what it's like. I've got some stuff to do this week, but I'm thinking maybe Thursday. Thursday after school. -Yeah. Go out there, check it out, see what it's like. I've got some stuff to do this week, but I'm thinking maybe Thursday. Thursday after school. You know I can't. Mom will never let me go. -You know I can't. Mom will never let me go. You let me take care of your mother. You just pack your bags. -You let me take care of your mother. You just pack your bags. But I've got school. -But I've got school. There's schools in California. -There's schools in California. You swear? -You swear? That's right. Three o'clock. Thursday. At your mother's. You and me. It's a date. -That's right. Three o'clock. Thursday. At your mother's. You and me. It's a date. I don't believe you. -I don't believe you. I swear. On my life. -I swear. On my life. Swear on my life. -Swear on my life. I swear on your life. -I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. It's alright, Dad. -It's alright, Dad. I didn't mean to... -I didn't mean to... I know, Dad. I know... -I fucked up. Shhhh. -Shhhh. I love you. I love you so much. You've got to know that. You've got to know. -I love you. I love you so much. You've got to know that. You've got to know. I know, Dad. I love you too. -I know, Dad. I love you too. After everything. After everything, the only thing left out of my whole life is you. -But I have a visitor. Not today, George. Time to go back. -Not today, George. Time to go back. But I want to put her name on the list for tomorrow. My daughter. -But I want to put her name on the list for tomorrow. My daughter. Okay, George. -Okay, George. Because she's visiting me. -Because she's visiting me. We'll do that tomorrow, okay? It's lockdown time. -Mr. Jung, do you know Diego Delgado? Yes, I do. -Yes, I do. Do you see him here in the courtroom? -Do you see him here in the courtroom? Yes, he's sitting right there at the end of the table. -Yes, he's sitting right there at the end of the table. Let the record state the witness has identified, Diego Delgado. -Mr. Jung, can you describe the circumstances of how you began talking about cocaine with Mr. Delgado? Shortly after I arrived at Danbury Federal Correctional Institute I related to Diego that the crime I was in for was smuggling marijuana. Diego told me he had high level connections in Colombia and they needed to find someone to help them transport cocaine into America... -It's a four-man operation. Two on the ground. Two in the air. Who's the co-pilot? -Who's the co-pilot? You're looking at him. We provide the plane, transportation cost, U.S. landing spot, and take it to wherever you want it to go. You provide the pick up point in South America, and are responsible for payment. You assume all the bust risks. We take sixty-five percent of all transportation fees, ten percent of the gross, plus our expenses. This is not a negotiation, so if this is okay with you, we can talk further. If not, we can forget we had this conversation. -You're looking at him. We provide the plane, transportation cost, U.S. landing spot, and take it to wherever you want it to go. You provide the pick up point in South America, and are responsible for payment. You assume all the bust risks. We take sixty-five percent of all transportation fees, ten percent of the gross, plus our expenses. This is not a negotiation, so if this is okay with you, we can talk further. If not, we can forget we had this conversation. Sounds fine. I'll need to meet everybody. -Sounds fine. I'll need to meet everybody. They're over at the booth. -You saved my life, Dulli. You'll never fucking know. All you guys. Everyone just got a raise. Instead of ten percent, you get fifteen. Jesus, George, fifteen percent. That's an extra two-hundred large. -Jesus, George, fifteen percent. That's an extra two-hundred large. I don't give a shit. Split it up. Have a great life. I'm done. I'm out. Starting over. Cheers. -Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. Yes, I am. -For instance, something like this? Very nice. I'll take it. -Very nice. I'll take it. Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? -Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. -All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. -Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. I don't need a little. I need a lot. -I don't need a little. I need a lot. Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. -Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? -What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. -Good to see you, Jorge. You are a man of your word. Actually, I've got some news. That fifty thousand I promised you, I couldn't get it. -Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. Yeah, but what are you doing out here? -Yeah, but what are you doing out here? I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. -I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? -This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? No, man. I'm too fucked up. -Right on. G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... -G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... Stoned? -Stoned? I wish there was shit like this back home. -I wish there was shit like this back home. Yeah? -Yeah? Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? -Yeah? When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... -It's not enough. What? -So? So, we need to get to the source. -Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? Who speaks Spanish? -Not that far, only halfway. You sure you know what you're doing? Relax. I've flown with my old man a million times. And he always told me, the taking off part is easy, it's the landing you've got to worry about. -Holy shit, Dulli! Georgie, oh man, hold the mayo! -Georgie, oh man, hold the mayo! That was it. Seeing Dulli after fourteen years sealed the deal for me. The rest was just details. My end was roughly five-hundred thousand. Kristina and I could have a good life for five hundred grand. Start over somewhere. One final score. That's all I needed. -Are we good? Are we good? Yeah, we're good. We're beautiful. We're perfect. This is A grade, one-hundred percent pure Colombian cocaine, Ladies and Gentlemen. Disco shit. Pure as the driven snow. Good riddance. -Nice weed, huh? Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. -No shit, Kevin? That's right. -Smith. Hampshire.... Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. -Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. -What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. -This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. -I can't believe we're stealing a plane. Don't be such a pussy. -Look around. I've put everything at your disposal. Go take a look with your own eyes. The strike is a success; but ... -The strike is a success; but ... No. It has failed in its objective. -But the NLF has always spoken of a strike as a demonstration ... And you believe the NLF? -And you believe the NLF? They seemed to be plausible this time. A general strike is a good argument for the UN. -They seemed to be plausible this time. A general strike is a good argument for the UN. The UN is far away, dear sir. It is easier to make oneself heard with bombs. If I were in their place, I would use bombs. -Colonel Mathieu ... Much has been said lately not only of the successes obtained by the paratroopers, but also of the methods that they have employed ... Can you tell us something about this? The successes obtained are the results of those methods. One presupposes the other and vice versa. -It is an inevitable stage in revolutionary war; from terrorism, one passes to insurrection ... as from open guerrilla warfare one passes to real war, the latter being the determining factor ... Dien Bien Phu? -Dien Bien Phu? Exactly. -In Indochina, they won. And here? -And here? It depends on you. -Excuse me, colonel. I have the impression that perhaps due to excessive prudence ... my colleagues continue to ask the same allusive questions, to which you can only respond in an allusive manner. I think it would be better to call things by their right names; if one means torture, then one should call it torture. I understand. What's your question? -I understand. What's your question? The questions have already been asked. I would only like some precise answers, that's all ... -The questions have already been asked. I would only like some precise answers, that's all ... "Let's try to be precise then. The word ""torture"" does not appear in our orders. We have always spoken of interrogation as the only valid method in a police operation directed against unknown enemies. As for the NLF, they request that their members, in the event of capture, should maintain silence for twenty-four hours, and then, they may talk. Thus, the organization has already had the time necessary to render useless any information furnished ... What type of interrogation should we choose? ... the one the courts use for a crime of homicide which drags on for months?" -"Let's try to be precise then. The word ""torture"" does not appear in our orders. We have always spoken of interrogation as the only valid method in a police operation directed against unknown enemies. As for the NLF, they request that their members, in the event of capture, should maintain silence for twenty-four hours, and then, they may talk. Thus, the organization has already had the time necessary to render useless any information furnished ... What type of interrogation should we choose? ... the one the courts use for a crime of homicide which drags on for months?" The law is often inconvenient, colonel ... -The law is often inconvenient, colonel ... "And those who explode bombs in public places, do they perhaps respect the law? When you asked that question to Ben M'Hidi, remember what he said? No, gentlemen, believe me, it is a vicious circle. And we could discuss the problem for hours without reaching any conclusions. Because the problem does not lie here. The problem is: the NLF wants us to leave Algeria and we want to remain. Now, it seems to me that, despite varying shades of opinion, you all agree that we must remain. When the rebellion first began, there were not even shades of opinion. All the newspapers, even the left-wing ones wanted the rebellion suppressed. And we were sent here for this very reason. And we are neither madmen nor sadists, gentlemen. Those who call us fascists today, forget the contribution that many of us made to the Resistance. Those who call us Nazis, do not know that among us there are survivors of Dachau and Buchenwald. We are soldiers and our only duty is to win. Therefore, to be precise, I would now like to ask you a question: Should France remain in Algeria? If you answer ""yes,"" then you must accept all the necessary consequences." -Go ahead! C'mon ... Repeat everything from the beginning, and then we'll let you go. Name ... Sid Ahmed. -Sid Ahmed. Second name. -Second name. Sail. -Sail. "Which ""district"" do you belong to?" -"Which ""district"" do you belong to?" Second district ... -Second district ... Second district ... Explain better ... -Second district ... Explain better ... Second district, Casbah, West Algiers. -Second district, Casbah, West Algiers. "What ""group""?" -"What ""group""?" Third group. -Third group. Third group. What's your assignment? -Third group. What's your assignment? Uh ... responsible for the sixth section. -You afraid of these ...? Don't move, Hacene. -Don't move, Hacene. Why are you afraid? We've always been friends. One might even say that I brought you up ... Isn't it true, Ali? -Why are you afraid? We've always been friends. One might even say that I brought you up ... Isn't it true, Ali? It's true. -It's true. What's happened to you? -What's happened to you? The NLF has condemned you to death. -How much are they paying you? They're not paying me anything. They've already warned you twice; this is the last warning. Decide. -They're not paying me anything. They've already warned you twice; this is the last warning. Decide. What ... What must I decide? -What ... What must I decide? You've got to change occupations, Hacene. Right away! -With an unloaded pistol? I'll explain. -Let's suppose you were a spy. In prison, when the NLF contacts you, you pretend to support the revolution, and then the French help you to escape ... Sure. By shooting at me. -Sure. By shooting at me. Even that could be a trick. You escape, then show up at the address which the brothers in prison gave to you, and so you are able to contact me ... -Even that could be a trick. You escape, then show up at the address which the brothers in prison gave to you, and so you are able to contact me ... I don't even know your name yet ... -I don't even know your name yet ... My name is Kader, Ali ... Saari Kader ... In other words, in order to join the organization, you had to undergo a test. I could have told you to murder the barman, but he's an Algerian ... and the police would let you kill him, even though he is one of theirs. By obeying such an order, you still could have been a double agent. And that's why I told you to kill the French policeman: because the French wouldn't have let you do it. If you were with the police you wouldn't have done it. -But I haven't shot him. You weren't able to. But what's important is that you tried. -You weren't able to. But what's important is that you tried. What's important for me is that you let me risk my life for nothing. -What's important for me is that you let me risk my life for nothing. C'mon ... you're exaggerating. The orders were to shoot him in the back. -C'mon ... you're exaggerating. The orders were to shoot him in the back. I don't do that kind of thing. -I don't do that kind of thing. Then don't complain. -Then don't complain. You still haven't told me why you didn't let me kill him. -You still haven't told me why you didn't let me kill him. Because we aren't ready yet for the French. Before attacking, we must have safe places from which to depart and find refuge. Of course, there is the Casbah. But even the Casbah isn't safe yet. There are too many drunks, pushers, whores, addicts, spies ... people who talk too much ... people who are ready to sell themselves, undecided people. We must either convince them or eliminate them. We must think of ourselves first. We must clean out the Casbah first. Only then will we be able to deal with the French. Do you understand, Ali? -And how many are we? Not enough. -Why? Isn't he sleeping here? No, it's better if he doesn't. The house is filled with new people. -It's better to split up, to increase our chances. We must change hiding places, and change them continually ... In the meantime, we must make new contacts, replace our arrested brothers, reorganize our sections-- Yes, but we must also show them that we still exist. -Yes, but we must also show them that we still exist. Of course. As soon as possible. -Of course. As soon as possible. No, immediately. The people are demoralized. Leave this to me ... -No, immediately. The people are demoralized. Leave this to me ... No. Not you, or any one of us. As long as we are free, the NLF continues to exist in the Casbah. If they manage to take us too, there won't be anything left ... And from nothing comes nothing ... -Go away! Men have two faces: one that laughs and one that cries ... -Can you read? Sure ... -Read it. Here? -Where's Kader? With the others. They are trying to stop the people. -With the others. They are trying to stop the people. Go away. -Be careful now. Unless you know how it works, it's better if you sit on the plank and move forward like this ... Let's try ... -It's good nobody is following us ... It's a question of habit ... -What do you think of the strike, Ali? I think it'll be a success ... -I think it'll be a success ... Yes, I think so too ... It's been organized well ... But what will the French do? -It's clear. They'll do everything possible to make it fail. No, they'll do even more. We've given them the opportunity to do a lot more ... Do you understand what I mean? Starting tomorrow, they won't be groping in the dark any more; every shop and every worker who strikes will be a known enemy, a self-confessed criminal ... And they will be able to pass to the offensive. Have you thought of this? -No ... But Kader told me that you weren't in favor of the strike. -But Kader told me that you weren't in favor of the strike. No, and neither were my men. -No, and neither were my men. Why? -Why? Because they told us that we mustn't use weapons, now, when the time is right. -Because they told us that we mustn't use weapons, now, when the time is right. That's true ... Wars aren't won with terrorism, neither wars nor revolutions. Terrorism is a beginning but afterward, all the people must act ... This is the reason for the strike, and its necessity: to mobilize all Algerians, count them and measure their strength ... -That's true ... Wars aren't won with terrorism, neither wars nor revolutions. Terrorism is a beginning but afterward, all the people must act ... This is the reason for the strike, and its necessity: to mobilize all Algerians, count them and measure their strength ... To show them to the UN, right? -To show them to the UN, right? Yes ... yes. The problem also involves the UN. I don't know what it's worth, but this way, we'll give the UN the possibility of evaluating our strength. -Good evening ... Can we pass? It's too late. No one is allowed to enter the Casbah at this hour. It's impossible. -It's too late. No one is allowed to enter the Casbah at this hour. It's impossible. But it's not even midnight yet! -But it's not even midnight yet! It's ten minutes past midnight. Curfew begins at midnight. -It's ten minutes past midnight. Curfew begins at midnight. Please, we just want to take a short ride. A friend of mine has never seen the Casbah. -Please, we just want to take a short ride. A friend of mine has never seen the Casbah. I'm sorry. Tomorrow. Tonight is out of the question. -Where were we? Intersection, between Consular Street and General Laquiere Avenue ... -Good, thank you, Corbiere... . See you tomorrow. Good evening, sir. -Tell me ... Where is this rue de Thèbes? Rue de Thèbes? In the Upper Casbah, I think ... -Rue de Thèbes? In the Upper Casbah, I think ... All right. See you tomorrow, Corbiere. -All right. See you tomorrow, Corbiere. Good evening, sir. -Mathieu! Mathieu, a name ... A name? -A name? Yes, a name for the operation. -And so the tapeworm no longer has a head. Are you satisfied, Mathieu? In Algiers everything should be over. Yes, I believe there won't be any more talk of the NLF for some time. -Yes, I believe there won't be any more talk of the NLF for some time. Let's hope forever. -Bah, for that matter, Algeria isn't the only country in the world ... Why, yes, of course ... But for the moment, let's be satisfied with Algiers! In the mountains our work is always easier. -Why? For many months, I've had your photo on my desk together with a dozen or so reports on you ... And naturally, I am under the illusion that I know you somewhat. You never seemed the type, Kader, inclined to performing useless actions. -You seem to be very satisfied to have taken me alive ... Of course I am. -Of course I am. That proves that I was wrong. Evidently I credited you with an advantage greater than I should have. -That proves that I was wrong. Evidently I credited you with an advantage greater than I should have. No. Let's just say that you've given me the satisfaction to have guessed correctly. But from the technical point of view, it isn't possible to speak of advantages. By now the game is over. The NLF has been defeated. -What is she saying? She says that Ali is still in the Casbah. -Who is speaking? Mathieu. Colonel Mathieu. -Mathieu. Colonel Mathieu. We don't trust you, colonel. Come forward, show yourself. -Okay. But we want your promise for a fair trial in writing. Give us a written statement, Mathieu, and then we'll surrender. How can I give you this statement? -How can I give you this statement? We'll lower a basket from the window ... -We'll lower a basket from the window ... Okay, I'll make the statement in writing ... -Are you ready, colonel? Yes ... But let me first see you. -How you doin' Mister D? Fine, Charlie. You familiar with the Marsh case? -Yeah -- I hear they had 'em a real dog and pony show going on up there - - I'll tell you, sometimes white people are a real puzzle to me. I mean, did this old guy really think he was gonna be able to keep up with a sweet little number like that? It could've happened to anyone. -It could've happened to anyone. I'm sorry, man -- but I ain't ever heard of no brother dying from gettin' too much pussy. -We have to find out who else would profit from Marsh's death -- and who knew enough about his personal life to know that putting cocaine in the nasal spray would be fatal. So -- where do we start? -So -- where do we start? I want you to hit all the dealers in town. Give them a list of people close to Marsh and see if any of them use. Then I want you to check out a Doctor Alan Paley. He lives up in Roseburg. -Before you ask there's nothing new on the coke. You've got to get me something I can use, Charlie. -You've got to get me something I can use, Charlie. I'm trying. -I've been waiting for you to get back. You got something on the coke? -You got something on the coke? No -- but I got something. -I would have missed it -- but the phone rang and I let it play while I talked. It looks like blank tape -- but it isn't. It's been erased without any input signal coming in. So, what good is it to us if it's been erased? -So, what good is it to us if it's been erased? It's very good -- because when the D.A's office saw it they assumed it was the end of the tape, otherwise they would have buried it. -It's very good -- because when the D.A's office saw it they assumed it was the end of the tape, otherwise they would have buried it. Why? -Why? Because it hasn't all been erased. -I'm sorry to barge in -- but I figured after that bombshell that got laid on you today you could use some good news? You got something on the Coke? -Charlie -- are you going to make a point soon? Right now. Guess who's been buying Coke from him for the last five and half years? -Joanne Braslow is getting more and more interesting. I followed her today to an attorney's office. Joseph Koehler. Joe Koehler. I know him. He's an estate attorney -- and he's very expensive. -Joe Koehler. I know him. He's an estate attorney -- and he's very expensive. What would Joanne Braslow need with an estate attorney? She wasn't even mentioned in Marsh's will. -Here it is! According to the old will Joanne Braslow was to inherit two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. What good does that do -- it's the old will? -What good does that do -- it's the old will? Under the law a person cannot profit from their own wrong doing. Since Rebecca Lawson is the sole beneficiary of the new will, if she is found guilty the will is void and Joanne Braslow could make a very good case to have the old will reinstated. -Under the law a person cannot profit from their own wrong doing. Since Rebecca Lawson is the sole beneficiary of the new will, if she is found guilty the will is void and Joanne Braslow could make a very good case to have the old will reinstated. She kills the old man and makes it look like Miss Lawson did it. Pretty slick. -Take some time off. You think the D.A.'s gonna file on Joanne? -You think the D.A.'s gonna file on Joanne? I don't know. -You did a good job, Charlie. Thanks, Mister D. -I don't think that this is the time, or the place. I just wanted to introduce myself and inform Miss Lawson that there will be an inquiry. -I just wanted to introduce myself and inform Miss Lawson that there will be an inquiry. An inquiry into what? -An inquiry into what? For starters I'd like to know why she left the house and didn't report the death? -For starters I'd like to know why she left the house and didn't report the death? Because he wasn't dead when she left, and even if he was, not reporting a natural death in a timely fashion isn't a crime. -Because he wasn't dead when she left, and even if he was, not reporting a natural death in a timely fashion isn't a crime. Did I say it was a natural death? -Marsh's Cardiologist told me that after Marsh was diagnosed with heart disease he quit smoking, quit drinking and started exercising every day. Does that sound like a guy who'd start shoveling cocaine up his nose? What did he say about Miss Lawson? -What did he say about Miss Lawson? He can remember at least one occasion -- and the receptionist can recall two times when she accompanied Marsh to the office. -So she knew about his heart? Had to. I also interviewed three women who were in past relationships with Marsh. There's no evidence that he had anything but straight sex prior to meeting Miss Lawson. -Had to. I also interviewed three women who were in past relationships with Marsh. There's no evidence that he had anything but straight sex prior to meeting Miss Lawson. What about the will? -What about the will? That's the best part. She gets it all -- everything. -I think I'm going to make your day. How? -Yeah. Then you can go. -About three hours. Cause? -Cause? Not sure. I'll have everything you need tomorrow. -Marsh wasn't alone. We found traces of sperm on the sheets. The toxicology report says there were high levels of cocaine in his blood. What'd he die of? -What'd he die of? The official cause of death was a cardiac arrest. -The official cause of death was a cardiac arrest. The official cause? -The official cause? That's what my report will read. -That's what my report will read. But there's more? -What are you saying, Henry? That his girlfriend fucked him to death? Yes. -What can we prove? We know Marsh had a head cold. We found cocaine mixed with water in a nasal spray container on the nightstand. The coke would contract the nasal membrane the same as any decongestant, but for a much shorter time. He'd keep using more and more -- never knowing what he was taking. -We know Marsh had a head cold. We found cocaine mixed with water in a nasal spray container on the nightstand. The coke would contract the nasal membrane the same as any decongestant, but for a much shorter time. He'd keep using more and more -- never knowing what he was taking. Any prints on the nasal spray? -Cocaine is the last thing a man in his condition would want. Can we put Rebecca Lawson at the scene? -Doctor McCurdy, what was the cause of death? A massive cardiac arrest. -A massive cardiac arrest. What was Mr. Marsh's physical condition prior to his death? -What was Mr. Marsh's physical condition prior to his death? Very poor. He was suffering from severe arterial disease. -Very poor. He was suffering from severe arterial disease. Was the heart attack the result of natural causes? -Was the heart attack the result of natural causes? No. -No. What induced it? -What induced it? We found a high concentration of cocaine in his blood. -We found a high concentration of cocaine in his blood. So, Mr. Marsh used cocaine? -So, Mr. Marsh used cocaine? I don't think so. The membrane in his nasal passage didn't show any sign of long time usage. -I don't think so. The membrane in his nasal passage didn't show any sign of long time usage. Then how did it get into his body? -Then how did it get into his body? We found a bottle of Dristan nasal spray on the nightstand. It was filled with water and cocaine. Mr. Marsh had a head cold at the time of his death. I believe he wasn't aware that he was ingesting cocaine. -Is this the bottle that was found on the nightstand? Yes. -Yes. Your Honor, the State enters this evidence as exhibit A. Were any fingerprints found on the bottle? -Your Honor, the State enters this evidence as exhibit A. Were any fingerprints found on the bottle? Yes -- those of Mr. Marsh and a thumb print of Miss Lawson's. -Yes -- those of Mr. Marsh and a thumb print of Miss Lawson's. Dr. McCurdy, what would cocaine do to someone in Mr. Marsh's condition? -Dr. McCurdy, what would cocaine do to someone in Mr. Marsh's condition? Increase his heart rate. -Increase his heart rate. -- And if he were in the midst of making love while under the influence of cocaine? --- And if he were in the midst of making love while under the influence of cocaine? It would be an added stress to his heart. -It would be an added stress to his heart. What would be the effect if someone secretly administered cocaine to Mr. Marsh and then induced him to make love? -What would be the effect if someone secretly administered cocaine to Mr. Marsh and then induced him to make love? It would be the same as shooting a gun at him. -It would be the same as shooting a gun at him. Thank you, Doctor McCurdy. Your witness. -Mrs. Crawford, you were Mr. Marsh's maid for nine years? Yes. -Yes. Did Miss Lawson and Mr. Marsh ever argue? -Did Miss Lawson and Mr. Marsh ever argue? Like cats and dogs. -Like cats and dogs. What did they argue about? -What did they argue about? You name it -- they argued about it. Mr. Marsh tried his best to keep her happy -- but it seemed that no matter what he did it was never enough for her. -You name it -- they argued about it. Mr. Marsh tried his best to keep her happy -- but it seemed that no matter what he did it was never enough for her. Did they argue the day before he died? -Did they argue the day before he died? Well -- he died on a Sunday and I have the weekends off -- but they were ripping at each other with both barrels Friday afternoon. -Well -- he died on a Sunday and I have the weekends off -- but they were ripping at each other with both barrels Friday afternoon. What was the nature of the argument? -What was the nature of the argument? Sex. -Sex. Could you be more specific? -Did you ever see Mr. Marsh use cocaine? No -- never. -No -- never. Your witness. -Your Honor, Mr. Roston is an ex-lover of Miss Lawson's. Why didn't the State's investigation uncover Mr. Roston earlier? -Why didn't the State's investigation uncover Mr. Roston earlier? He was away on an extended vacation and just returned two days ago. -He was away on an extended vacation and just returned two days ago. Alright -- I'm going to allow his testimony. -Objection sustained. Did Miss Lawson ever give you any indication why she was leaving? -No questions. You may call your next witness. -Objection, Your Honor. Counsel approach the bench. -That's it. My client doesn't have to take this crap from you. Sit down, Frank. -Sit down, Frank. No. Miss Lawson came in here voluntarily to answer your questions. She doesn't have to sit here and be insulted. So, either you charge her now or we're leaving. -Lookin' to make the papers, John? Marsh left her close to three million dollars in his will. That's motive. She admits to being there the night of his death. That's opportunity -- and her fingerprints are on the nasal spray bottle. -Marsh left her close to three million dollars in his will. That's motive. She admits to being there the night of his death. That's opportunity -- and her fingerprints are on the nasal spray bottle. You can't show intent. -Can you? Take your pole out of the water, Frank. The fish ain't biting today. -Take your pole out of the water, Frank. The fish ain't biting today. You're bluffing. John, it's me, remember? I've known you since your name was Juan Carlos. -C'mon -- think about it. If she was going to kill Marsh why leave the nasal spray bottle there for the police to find? She planned this. She wanted us to find the nasal spray. -She planned this. She wanted us to find the nasal spray. Why would she want that? -Why would she want that? Because she's clever. Because she knows that even if we didn't find it we'd have suspicions as to why a man in Marsh's condition would use cocaine. -Because she's clever. Because she knows that even if we didn't find it we'd have suspicions as to why a man in Marsh's condition would use cocaine. Suspicions maybe -- but suspicions aren't enough for a conviction. -Suspicions maybe -- but suspicions aren't enough for a conviction. The M.E.'s report stated that Marsh's nasal membranes showed no sign of prior cocaine use. Without the nasal spray we would have still treated it as a poisoning. We would have looked for motive and the trail would have still led back to her. -The M.E.'s report stated that Marsh's nasal membranes showed no sign of prior cocaine use. Without the nasal spray we would have still treated it as a poisoning. We would have looked for motive and the trail would have still led back to her. I don't buy it and neither will a jury. -I don't buy it and neither will a jury. We're going all the way on this one, Frank. Tell your client she has until the prelim to cop a plea for murder two -- fifteen to twenty five. -We're going all the way on this one, Frank. Tell your client she has until the prelim to cop a plea for murder two -- fifteen to twenty five. I'll tell her but she won't take it. -I'll tell her but she won't take it. Then she's not as smart as I thought she was. You've seen her in the depositions. Tell me you don't have any doubts? -She's innocent. Aren't they all? -Aren't they all? Yeah. Well -- we'll let the blindfolded lady with the scales decide that. -Your Honor, this is a tape from Miss Lawson's answering machine. I would like to play it now. Objection. Your Honor, we don't know where this tape is from. Who made it -- or under what circumstances it was made. -Your Honor, I fail to see what Mrs Crawford's educational background has to do with this case. I was just about to make my point, Your Honor. -Objection, Your Honor. The fact that Mrs. Crawford heard Mr. Troxell reconstruct her sentence and decided to rephrase her words in a more intelligent manner for the court doesn't mean the incident never happened. I'm just curious to see if Mr. Troxell reconstructed anything else. -I'm just curious to see if Mr. Troxell reconstructed anything else. Your Honor -- please! -I've got work to do. Hey -- the bell's sounded. It's between rounds. -Hey -- the bell's sounded. It's between rounds. I didn't hear it. -What's happening to you, Frank? You're acting like you're on trial here. This has become personal to you. Back off, John. -That's ridiculous. I'm talking to you as a friend now. Don't ruin your life, your career for her. She'll spit you out when this is over. -I'm talking to you as a friend now. Don't ruin your life, your career for her. She'll spit you out when this is over. You don't know what you're talking about. -You don't know what you're talking about. Really? What does an attorney speak to his client about at her house until three o'clock in the morning? -Really? What does an attorney speak to his client about at her house until three o'clock in the morning? You've been following me? -You've been following me? Her. It's an obvious move. I'm building a case against her, remember? -Your Honor, I don't see a Mr. Roston listed as a prosecution witness. The State's investigation just uncovered Mr. Roston yesterday afternoon in Chicago. -Objection. The question calls for a conclusion on the part of the witness. Your Honor, Mr. Roston lived with the defendant for many months. I feel that his opinion is valid in substantiating the character of the Miss Lawson. -Your Honor, Mr. Roston lived with the defendant for many months. I feel that his opinion is valid in substantiating the character of the Miss Lawson. The opinion of a scorned lover is hardly an objective view. -Objection! I'll rephrase the question. Mr. Roston isn't it true you are bisexual? -I'll rephrase the question. Mr. Roston isn't it true you are bisexual? Objection! Mr. Roston's sexual preferences are not at issue in this trial. -Objection! Mr. Roston's sexual preferences are not at issue in this trial. Your Honor, I'm trying to establish the sense of betrayal Miss Lawson felt when she discovered the man she lived with was a different person than she thought he was. -Objection! May I remind Mr. Dulaney that the person on trial here is Miss Lawson -- not Dr. Paley. Your Honor, I'm trying to establish a pattern in Dr. Paley's behavior with women. -Can I go? You get his statement? -Miss Lawson, do you use cocaine? I have. -I have. Did you use it the night Marsh died? -Did you use it the night Marsh died? No. I haven't done it in years. -Were you aware of Mr. Marsh's heart condition? No. -No. Mr. Marsh's Cardiologist and his nurse have told us that you accompanied Mr. Marsh to their office on at least two occasions. -Mr. Marsh's Cardiologist and his nurse have told us that you accompanied Mr. Marsh to their office on at least two occasions. That's correct -- but Andrew never told me he had a heart condition. He said he had a heart arrhythmia and it was nothing serious. -Miss Braslow -- I'm District Attorney John Cardenas. You arrived at what time tonight? A little after eleven. -A little after eleven. Why did you come by? -Why did you come by? I had some papers to pick up. -I had some papers to pick up. Do you know who Mr. Marsh was with? -Do you know who Mr. Marsh was with? I assume his girlfriend. -Her name? Rebecca Lawson. -Rebecca Lawson. You wouldn't know her address, would you? -You wouldn't know her address, would you? No -- but I can get it for you. -No -- but I can get it for you. Thank you. -How long were you Mr Marsh's personal secretary? Six years. -Six years. Did you ever see Mr. Marsh use Cocaine? -Did you ever see Mr. Marsh use Cocaine? No -- never. -No -- never. What about Miss Lawson? -What about Miss Lawson? Yes. -Yes. Tell the court about that, please. -Tell the court about that, please. I opened the bathroom door one day and saw Miss Lawson pouring Cocaine out of a vial. -I opened the bathroom door one day and saw Miss Lawson pouring Cocaine out of a vial. Did you see Mr. Marsh the day before his death? -Did you see Mr. Marsh the day before his death? Yes. -Yes. How did he look? -How did he look? Horrible. He was tired and pale. -Horrible. He was tired and pale. Did you talk about Miss Lawson? -Did you talk about Miss Lawson? Yes. -Yes. What did Mr. Marsh say? -Is it Marsh? Yeah. -Who found him? His Secretary. Joanne Braslow. -His Secretary. Joanne Braslow. She was here? -She was here? No. She stopped by to pick up some papers. -No. She stopped by to pick up some papers. Show me. -Doctor Trammel, when did you first diagnose that Mr. Marsh had heart disease? About a year and half ago. -About a year and half ago. Did Mr. Marsh change his lifestyle after that? -Did Mr. Marsh change his lifestyle after that? Yes -- he stopped smoking and drinking and exercised regularly. -Yes -- he stopped smoking and drinking and exercised regularly. He did everything he could to take care of his heart? -He did everything he could to take care of his heart? Yes. -Did Miss Lawson ever accompany Mr. Marsh to your office? Yes. -Yes. Just one last question. What does the sign on your office door say? -Just one last question. What does the sign on your office door say? Doctor Steven Trammel. Cardiologist. -Mr. Roston, what was your relationship with Miss Lawson? We were lovers. -We were lovers. How long were you together? -How long were you together? For about one year. -For about one year. How would you describe your sex life with Miss Lawson? -How would you describe your sex life with Miss Lawson? Intense. -Intense. I know this is a very personal subject, but could you be a little more specific? -I know this is a very personal subject, but could you be a little more specific? It was wild. She was constantly trying to get me more and more worked up -- kinky things. I tried to satisfy her the best I could, but it was difficult in my condition. -It was wild. She was constantly trying to get me more and more worked up -- kinky things. I tried to satisfy her the best I could, but it was difficult in my condition. What kind of condition are you referring to? -What kind of condition are you referring to? I had a bad heart. -What happened next? I had bypass surgery. -I had bypass surgery. And how are you now? -And how are you now? Fine. The doctors say if I keep taking care of myself I can live to be a very old man. -Fine. The doctors say if I keep taking care of myself I can live to be a very old man. How did your relationship with Miss Lawson progress after the surgery? -How did your relationship with Miss Lawson progress after the surgery? It didn't. -It didn't. Why not? -Why not? She left me. -Why did she say she was leaving? She didn't. She just left. -She didn't. She just left. Why do you think she left you? -Why do you think she left you? Well -- I think that after the operation she realized that... -When you say your sexual relations with Miss Lawson were intense what exactly do you mean? It was like she was trying to push me as far as she could. She called it opening new doors. -It was like she was trying to push me as far as she could. She called it opening new doors. Can you give the court an example? -Can you give the court an example? It was like sex was a game to her. She got off on the control. She always used to tell me it had to be her way. -It's hard to resist a woman as beautiful as she is. What would she do that made it hard to resist? -What would she do that made it hard to resist? She's a woman who is very much aware of her own sexuality. Sometimes I felt she could read my mind. It was uncanny how she knew exactly what I wanted. A few nights before my heart surgery Rebecca woke me. She had handcuffed me to the bed. -She told me that tonight we were going to open new doors. I asked her to stop -- to take off the handcuffs, but she wouldn't listen. What did she say? -Mr. Roston I know this is difficult for you, but it's important you tell the court what she did. She said she was going to fuck me like I've never been fucked before. -What did she do next, Mr. Roston? She started touching herself and telling me how much she wanted me. She reached down and put me inside her. My doctor had warned me about exerting myself -- but you really don't think of those things at a moment like that. You just think about how beautiful this woman is -- how much you want her. How deeply you want to please her. At first it started off slowly -- but the rhythm built and built. Every time I got close to an orgasm she would stop. Eventually I started to have trouble breathing. Rebecca just kept going -- faster and faster. No matter what I said she wouldn't stop. I really thought for a moment I was going to die. -She started touching herself and telling me how much she wanted me. She reached down and put me inside her. My doctor had warned me about exerting myself -- but you really don't think of those things at a moment like that. You just think about how beautiful this woman is -- how much you want her. How deeply you want to please her. At first it started off slowly -- but the rhythm built and built. Every time I got close to an orgasm she would stop. Eventually I started to have trouble breathing. Rebecca just kept going -- faster and faster. No matter what I said she wouldn't stop. I really thought for a moment I was going to die. If you knew it was bad for you why did you do it? -If you knew it was bad for you why did you do it? I couldn't help myself. You get lost inside a women like her. It was like a drug. It was the best sex I ever had. -I couldn't help myself. You get lost inside a women like her. It was like a drug. It was the best sex I ever had. What happened after that? -What happened after that? I woke up the next morning and she was gone. -I woke up the next morning and she was gone. Did you change your will while you were with Miss Lawson? -Yes. Who was your primary beneficiary? -Who was your primary beneficiary? She was. -She was. Thank you. The State rests. -Where did you meet Miss Lawson? At a dinner party -- about eight months ago. -At a dinner party -- about eight months ago. Did you ever see her again after that? -Did you ever see her again after that? Yes -- several times. -Yes -- several times. What eventually happened to your relationship with Miss Lawson? -What eventually happened to your relationship with Miss Lawson? We stopped seeing each other. -We stopped seeing each other. Why? -Why? Well -- I realized that she wasn't interested in me. She was just trying to get information out of me. -What kind of information? She said that she was working on a novel and she wanted to know what kinds of drugs would be harmful to someone with a bad heart. -Did you suggest any? Yes -- Insulin and others. -Yes -- Insulin and others. What did she say? -What did she say? She said that those weren't any good -- because their use would be detected and the police would know the victim had been poisoned. She wanted to know if there was a drug that would induce a heart attack but could also be used to enhance a sexual high. -She said that those weren't any good -- because their use would be detected and the police would know the victim had been poisoned. She wanted to know if there was a drug that would induce a heart attack but could also be used to enhance a sexual high. -- And what did you suggest? --- And what did you suggest? Cocaine. -Dr. Paley, where were you the last time you saw Miss Lawson? We had dinner at a restaurant. -Isn't it true that later that night you tried to force yourself on Miss Lawson in the parking lot? No. -No. You didn't grab her and try to kiss her? -You didn't grab her and try to kiss her? No. -No. If necessary I can bring in the valet parking attendant and two customers who witnessed the occurrence. -Well -- as I remember it, we had an argument. And the argument was about the fact that you wanted to be romantically involved and she did not. -And the argument was about the fact that you wanted to be romantically involved and she did not. Yes. -Yes. And after that didn't you continuously harass Miss Lawson? -And after that didn't you continuously harass Miss Lawson? No. -You'll be sorry? I was angry. -I was angry. You're still angry, aren't you? Isn't it true that your whole story is nothing more than a vindictive attempt on your behalf to get back at Miss Lawson? -You're still angry, aren't you? Isn't it true that your whole story is nothing more than a vindictive attempt on your behalf to get back at Miss Lawson? No -- she asked me about cocaine. -No -- she asked me about cocaine. I suggest it never happened. -You can suggest anything you want. It happened. No further questions. -I may have been infatuated with her - - but I wouldn't perjure myself. That's all Dr. Paley. -Don't you see what she's doing? She needs you to kill me. She's planned it that way from the start. That's why she phoned me tonight. You called him? -I'm sure that every orgasm she had with me was faked. That's enough. -That's enough. I mean she only screwed me two or three times a night because she had to -- I'm sure she didn't enjoy it. -Dr. Trammel, did you ever speak to Miss Lawson about Mr. Marsh's condition? No. -No. Did Mr. Marsh ever tell you that he had spoken to Miss Lawson about his illness? -Did Mr. Marsh ever tell you that he had spoken to Miss Lawson about his illness? No. -No. Did Miss Lawson ever accompany Mr. Marsh inside during his examinations? -Did Miss Lawson ever accompany Mr. Marsh inside during his examinations? No. -No. Then you have no way of knowing what Mr. Marsh told Miss Lawson were the reasons for his visits? -Then you have no way of knowing what Mr. Marsh told Miss Lawson were the reasons for his visits? No. No, I don't. -Dr. Wong -- what type of medicine do you practice? Oriental medicine. -Oriental medicine. --And is Miss Lawson a patient of yours? ---And is Miss Lawson a patient of yours? Yes. I've been seeing her for over a year. -Yes. I've been seeing her for over a year. Why does she come to you? -Why does she come to you? She suffers from severe menstrual cramps. -Did you ever prescribe any medication for her cramps? Yes. -Yes. What did you prescribe for her? -What did you prescribe for her? Chinese peony root. -Chinese peony root. Would you describe for the court what Chinese peony root looks like? -Would you describe for the court what Chinese peony root looks like? It's a white powder that comes in a vial. -How do you instruct your patients to take it? I tell them to pour an amount the size of a quarter into the their hand and mix it with water. -I tell them to pour an amount the size of a quarter into the their hand and mix it with water. A previous witness stated that she saw Miss Lawson pouring a white powder into her hand on October twenty-eighth. According to your records when did you prescribe the drug? -October twenty-seventh. One last question, Doctor. If someone didn't know better, would it be easy to mistake the peony root for cocaine? -One last question, Doctor. If someone didn't know better, would it be easy to mistake the peony root for cocaine? Yes -- quite easy. -Did you go to college, Mrs. Crawford? No. -No. High school? -High school? No. -I heard him say it. Then -- those are not your own words? -Then -- those are not your own words? No. -No. What else did the District Attorney's Office tell you to say? -Miss Sellers, do you know Dr. Alan Paley? Yes. -Yes. Where did you meet him? -Where did you meet him? I'm a nurse. I used to work at Roseburg Memorial Hospital. Dr. Paley's on staff there. -I'm a nurse. I used to work at Roseburg Memorial Hospital. Dr. Paley's on staff there. What was the nature of your relationship with Dr. Paley. -What was the nature of your relationship with Dr. Paley. We dated for about a month last year. -We dated for about a month last year. Then what happened? -Then what happened? I realized he wasn't serious. He was seeing other women -- asking other nurses at the hospital out, so I ended it. --- And what did Dr. Paley do after you stopped seeing him? He used to call me -- tell me that I couldn't just walk out on him. He said that if I didn't come back he'd make my life miserable. -He used to call me -- tell me that I couldn't just walk out on him. He said that if I didn't come back he'd make my life miserable. Did he make your life miserable? -Did he make your life miserable? Yes -- he did. -Yes -- he did. How? -What did he say? He laughed -- and basically said he would decide when it was over. -He laughed -- and basically said he would decide when it was over. Do you remember his exact words? -What happened next? While I was seeing Dr. Paley I mentioned to him one night that someone was stealing drugs from the third floor dispensary. Three days after I spoke to him in his office he went to the Head Nurse and told her he had witnessed me stealing drugs. -While I was seeing Dr. Paley I mentioned to him one night that someone was stealing drugs from the third floor dispensary. Three days after I spoke to him in his office he went to the Head Nurse and told her he had witnessed me stealing drugs. What happened? -What happened? There was an inquiry. It was his word against mine. They believed him. I was fired. -I worked for Mr. Marsh for six years. He was a good man -- until she came along. What changed? -What changed? He did. Look, I know you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink -- but you hold a pail of water in front of an old horse for long enough -- and well... -You don't really believe what the district attorney is saying about Miss Lawson, do you? I don't know. It's incredible to think that anyone could be capable of doing that -- but if anyone could it would be Rebecca. -I don't know. It's incredible to think that anyone could be capable of doing that -- but if anyone could it would be Rebecca. I take it you don't like Miss Lawson very much? -I take it you don't like Miss Lawson very much? I really don't know her that well. We would say hello to each other when I would come to the house, but that was about it. -I really don't know her that well. We would say hello to each other when I would come to the house, but that was about it. If you don't know her that well what makes you think she's capable of murder? -If you don't know her that well what makes you think she's capable of murder? Andrew was a kind and gentle man, but he was thirty years older than her. Where's the attraction to sleep with someone like that -- to have the kind of sex they had. -How do you know what kind of sex they had? I wasn't lookin' through the keyhole if that's what you're thinking. I'd come to house sometimes to pick up papers or speak to Andrew. I'd find their little toys all over the place. -I wasn't lookin' through the keyhole if that's what you're thinking. I'd come to house sometimes to pick up papers or speak to Andrew. I'd find their little toys all over the place. Did Mr. Marsh use drugs? -Did Mr. Marsh use drugs? No. -No. What about Miss Lawson? -What about Miss Lawson? Yes -- cocaine. -How do you know that? I was at the house one morning -- I thought Miss Lawson was upstairs with Mr. Marsh. When I went into the guest bathroom she was standing in front of the mirror pouring this white powder out of a vial. -How do you know it was cocaine that Miss Lawson had in the bathroom? What other kind of white powder do people keep in a vial? -What other kind of white powder do people keep in a vial? Do you remember the date when you saw Miss Lawson in the bathroom? -Do you remember the date when you saw Miss Lawson in the bathroom? Yes-- It was on a Friday. I remember because I was going to visit my sister for her birthday. It would be October twenty-eighth. -Yes-- It was on a Friday. I remember because I was going to visit my sister for her birthday. It would be October twenty-eighth. Could you repeat the last part of what Mr. Marsh said to you the day before his death? -Could you repeat the last part of what Mr. Marsh said to you the day before his death? He said that if it kept up she was going to kill him. That his heart couldn't take it. -He said that if it kept up she was going to kill him. That his heart couldn't take it. Didn't Mr. Marsh also tell you that Miss Lawson felt bored here and was thinking about going back to Chicago for awhile? -Yes -- he mentioned it. So, the woman he loved passionately was thinking about leaving. That must cause tremendous anxiety. Sleepless nights. Incredible stress. -So, the woman he loved passionately was thinking about leaving. That must cause tremendous anxiety. Sleepless nights. Incredible stress. I suppose. -I suppose. So, isn't it possible that he was confiding in you about the pain he was feeling about losing what might be his last chance for love? That what he really was saying was that the uncertainty of her leaving was driving him crazy and if it didn't stop it was going to kill him. That if she did leave his heart couldn't take it. -I don't know. I'm not sure. Well, think about it. Isn't it possible? -Well, think about it. Isn't it possible? Yes. I suppose it's possible. -Who told you that? He video taped you. -He video taped you. That bastard! -That bastard! I thought he was a kind, gentle man? -Yes, I slept with him but that was a long time ago. You're lying. Marsh was wearing a cast on the tape. It was right before he went to Chicago and met Miss Lawson. He dumped you for her, didn't he? -Yes. It must have been horrible. Having to go there -- seeing them together - - knowing he was sleeping with her in the same bed he did with you. -It must have been horrible. Having to go there -- seeing them together - - knowing he was sleeping with her in the same bed he did with you. I was jealous. Of course I was hurt. He switched me off like a little toy he was finished playing with. But I didn't kill him. -I'm a practical woman Mr. Dulaney. Killing Andrew wasn't in my best interest. As it is I'm out of a job and I'm not in his will. Money isn't the only reason people commit murder, Miss Braslow. -I've tried it. You've tried it? Isn't it true that you've been in and out of Rehab centers for the last four years? -I've been to a few -- yes. You don't like Miss Lawson much do you? -You don't like Miss Lawson much do you? No. -No. You don't like her because you were involved with Mr. Marsh before she came along. Isn't that true? -You don't like her because you were involved with Mr. Marsh before she came along. Isn't that true? Yes. -Yes. You resented the fact that she told you what to do in Mr. Marsh's house? -You resented the fact that she told you what to do in Mr. Marsh's house? Yes. -And you resented that he cared for her in a way he once cared for you? Yes. -Yes. --And that Mr. Marsh paid less attention to you? ---And that Mr. Marsh paid less attention to you? Yes. -Yes. --and that he changed his will? ---and that he changed his will? Yes. -In his previous will Mr. Marsh left you two hundred and fifty thousand dollars -- then he cut you out. Why do you think he did that? She talked him into it. She wanted everything. -She talked him into it. She wanted everything. Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot of money. That must have made you pretty angry? -Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot of money. That must have made you pretty angry? Yes. -Yes. Well - I'm a little confused. This is a charge receipt from Rosen's Drug Store where Mr. Marsh had an account. It's dated the day of the murder. Is this your signature? -Well - I'm a little confused. This is a charge receipt from Rosen's Drug Store where Mr. Marsh had an account. It's dated the day of the murder. Is this your signature? Yes. -Yes. There's an item you picked up that's marked. Will you read it? -There's an item you picked up that's marked. Will you read it? Dristan nasal spray. -Dristan nasal spray. Would you read for us the time of the purchase? -Would you read for us the time of the purchase? Three fifteen. -Three fifteen. A.M -- or P.M.? -A.M -- or P.M.? P.M. -P.M. You see that's what bothers me. No other bottle of nasal spray was found in the house. The police looked. There was only the one bottle. But you say you didn't arrive until after Mr. Marsh was dead -- yet we know he was using the nasal spray prior to his death. How do you think it got there? -You see that's what bothers me. No other bottle of nasal spray was found in the house. The police looked. There was only the one bottle. But you say you didn't arrive until after Mr. Marsh was dead -- yet we know he was using the nasal spray prior to his death. How do you think it got there? I don't know. -Isn't it true that you stopped by the house after you left the drug store and dropped off the items you bought? No. -No. Isn't it true that you put the cocaine in the bottle? -Isn't it true that you put the cocaine in the bottle? No! Why would I want to kill him? -No! Why would I want to kill him? Because you were jealous. Because he cut you out of the will. Because you have a cocaine habit to feed -- because you know that if Rebecca Lawson is found guilty the new will is void -- and there's a very good chance the old one would be honored. -You take what people say and make it ugly. You make others believe what you want them to. She should have been found guilty. She shouldn't have gotten off. Then you would have gotten your money? -Then you would have gotten your money? Yes. -Yes. You killed him -- didn't you, Joanne? -What do you have in your purse? What do you think I've got? A gun? Maybe I'm gonna kill you too. Maybe I'll blow your head off right now. -I'm gonna go to jail. I know they're gonna make it look like I did it. They gotta put it on someone. Why'd you come here? -Why'd you come here? To show you this. It's a letter from that lawyer, Koehler. He wrote it to me the day after I saw him. He's the one who told me I could get the money if Miss Lawson went to jail. -To show you this. It's a letter from that lawyer, Koehler. He wrote it to me the day after I saw him. He's the one who told me I could get the money if Miss Lawson went to jail. You didn't know about it before that? -You didn't know about it before that? No. -Then why did you go see Mr. Koehler in the first place? Because he called me. -Hi, Joe. Frank -- what are you doing here? -Frank -- what are you doing here? I need to ask you a question. What made you get in touch with Joanne Braslow? -I need to ask you a question. What made you get in touch with Joanne Braslow? You know I can't talk about that. -You know I can't talk about that. I'm not asking for names or specifics. I just want to know what prompted you to make the call? -I'm not asking for names or specifics. I just want to know what prompted you to make the call? Sorry. -Yes. And your sexual tastes were something that you hid from Miss Lawson? -And your sexual tastes were something that you hid from Miss Lawson? Yes. -Yes. And didn't Miss Lawson come home one day and find you in bed with your male lover? -And didn't Miss Lawson come home one day and find you in bed with your male lover? Yes. -Yes. And she left shortly after that? -Would it be fair to say that when she did find out it was a shock to her? Yes. -Yes. No further questions. -Are you going to represent me? There are no charges against you. I'm here to decide if I'm going to represent you should that occur. Did you kill him? -Do you think I did it? I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. -I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. You must have some feeling. Some immediate impression. A young, attractive woman, involved with an older man who leaves her everything in his will. And the things that went on in that house. Such wild sex. What kind of picture does that paint? -You must have some feeling. Some immediate impression. A young, attractive woman, involved with an older man who leaves her everything in his will. And the things that went on in that house. Such wild sex. What kind of picture does that paint? Not a very good one I'm afraid. -And that's exactly what the jury will see when they look at me. That's why I need a very good lawyer, Mr. Dulaney. You're assuming the District Attorney is going to file charges. -He'll file. He's an ambitious man. Ambitious men build their careers on the bodies of others. You still haven't answered my question. -Frank! I'll have you out in a few hours. -I want you to know right now that the trial's going to be nasty. Your sex life is going to be dragged through the mud. They're going to say that you enticed Marsh -- led him down a dark path. Andrew hardly needed leading. He was a very passionate man. He was eager to explore. I gave him what he wanted. We fulfilled each others needs. -Andrew hardly needed leading. He was a very passionate man. He was eager to explore. I gave him what he wanted. We fulfilled each others needs. This is a very small town -- people here have very straight views on sex. -I'm used to being on the outside looking in. The same men who will publicly profess their moral outrage for my sexual tastes are the same ones who privately rest their sweaty little hands on my legs and talk about weekend trips together. Those same men will be sitting on the jury. -Those same men will be sitting on the jury. I am who I am. I can't deny it, anymore than you can deny who you are. I like sex different -- I like it wild. That's not a crime. I loved Andrew. We made love together. We made it differently, but we still made love. It was our way. It was private -- and now the whole world wants to look in through the pretense of justice. If I was some middle-aged divorcee who screwed him once a week do you think this would be happening to me? -Have you ever seen animals make love, Mr. Dulaney? They have such passion -- such savage emotion. They struggle, and snarl, and claw, but neither hurts the other. Not really. No pain, no gain? -No pain, no gain? Something like that. -Something like that. We're not animals. -I think we're getting a little off the subject here. I thought the subject was sex? -I thought the subject was sex? As it pertains to you -- not me. Did you always know you had different... tastes? -As it pertains to you -- not me. Did you always know you had different... tastes? Yes. -Yes. How? -How? I don't know if it's something I can explain to you. -I don't know if it's something I can explain to you. Why not? -Why not? Because -- it's beyond intellect. It's emotion. It's passion. It has to be experienced -- it can't be imagined. -Because -- it's beyond intellect. It's emotion. It's passion. It has to be experienced -- it can't be imagined. Try. -When I was growing up we had a strawberry patch in our backyard. So did this family down the road. I used to sneak in their yard and steal their strawberries. It wasn't easy. The stone walls were high and I'd scrape my knees as I climbed over. On the other side were wild rose bushes. The thorns would dig into my legs and cut my thighs as I lowered myself down. If you had what you wanted at home why did you sneak into their yard? -If you had what you wanted at home why did you sneak into their yard? Because -- somehow the fruit always tasted that much sweeter because of the pain it took to get to it. -How'd you meet Marsh? I was at a cocktail party. Very trendy. Andrew was in Chicago on business. He had broken his wrist the week before and was wearing it in a sling. He looked so helpless. --- And then? We started talking. In fact, we talked until four in the morning. We discovered we shared a lot of the same interests. After that we were together all the time until he left. He used to call me every night after he came back. Then after a few weeks he invited me to come visit him. I've never left. -We started talking. In fact, we talked until four in the morning. We discovered we shared a lot of the same interests. After that we were together all the time until he left. He used to call me every night after he came back. Then after a few weeks he invited me to come visit him. I've never left. Why didn't you live together? -Can we get out of here? Sure. Where to? -This is your house. I know. -Why not? Because, I'm your attorney. I shouldn't be going to your house. -Because, I'm your attorney. I shouldn't be going to your house. Is it against the law? -Is it against the law? No -- it just doesn't look right. -What do you think? I think the photographer's probably a voyeur. -I think the photographer's probably a voyeur. I'm the photographer. -I'm the photographer. Oh -- Well, they're different. -Oh -- Well, they're different. That's not an answer. -That's not an answer. It's not my taste. -It's not my taste. Tastes can change. -Nothing. Not true. Shall I tell you what you were thinking? You were wondering if I was wearing anything under my skirt. -Hello? Hi. It's Frank. -Hi. It's Frank. Hi, Frank. -Hi, Frank. I just wanted to see if my secretary called to confirm your appointment tomorrow. -I just wanted to see if my secretary called to confirm your appointment tomorrow. Yes -- she did. -Yes -- she did. Great. I'll see you at the office at nine. -Great. I'll see you at the office at nine. No -- not at the office. I've got a better idea. -Yeah. Andrew loved this old cabin. He always dreamed about moving to Tahiti -- living in a hut and becoming a beach-bum. I could never imagine myself doing that -- but somehow when he talked about it, he made it sound so alive - - so wonderful. Soft ocean breezes and beautiful sunsets -- leaving the world and it's problems behind. I wish he'd had a chance to do it. -Sorry. It's okay. -Tell me about Doctor Paley? I hardly know him. He wanted me and he couldn't have me. -I hardly know him. He wanted me and he couldn't have me. It's going to be hard to convince a jury that he's testifying against you in a murder trial because you blew him off. -It's going to be hard to convince a jury that he's testifying against you in a murder trial because you blew him off. It won't be that hard. -Did you always want to be a lawyer? No -- I wanted to be a professional hockey player. -No -- I wanted to be a professional hockey player. Really? -Really? Yeah. -Yeah. That seems so far away from who you are now. What happened? -That seems so far away from who you are now. What happened? I broke my ankle skating. That ended that dream. -I broke my ankle skating. That ended that dream. It's hard to let go of a dream, isn't it? To let go of what you want? -Yes -- it would be nice. What would? -What would? You and me -- making love. -You and me -- making love. Is that what you think I was thinking? -Is that what you think I was thinking? No -- that's what I know you were thinking. -There's nothing wrong in admitting that you want me, Frank. You take a lot for granted. -You lied to me! What? -What? I just left Joanne Braslow. She told me she saw you doing cocaine at Marsh's house! -I just left Joanne Braslow. She told me she saw you doing cocaine at Marsh's house! She's mistaken. -She's mistaken. That's not good enough, Goddamit! -That's not good enough, Goddamit! It isn't true. You have to believe me. -It isn't true. You have to believe me. No, I don't have to believe you. The jury has to believe you and answers like he's lying or she's mistaken aren't going to convince them. -No, I don't have to believe you. The jury has to believe you and answers like he's lying or she's mistaken aren't going to convince them. I don't use cocaine anymore. If she says she saw me doing it she's lying. -I don't use cocaine anymore. If she says she saw me doing it she's lying. Why would she lie? -Why would she lie? I don't know, Frank -- but don't you think that's something we should find out? -I called you all weekend. Where were you? I went out on the boat. -Alone? Of course. -You were brilliant today. It's only the beginning. -Can I see you later? You can see me now. -Something wrong? Paley could be a problem tomorrow. -I'm sure you'll be able to handle him. I'm glad you have such confidence in me. -I'm glad you have such confidence in me. Don't worry about Paley. He can't touch me. No one can. I've thought it all out. -Don't worry about Paley. He can't touch me. No one can. I've thought it all out. What does that mean? You've been thinking about the case? Or you thought everything out before you killed Marsh? -Sugar or honey? Honey. -Rebecca -- take these off. Tonight we open new doors. -What are you going you doing? Are you scared? -What's that for? To celebrate how masterfully you destroyed Roston today. -To celebrate how masterfully you destroyed Roston today. Rebecca -- we shattered a man's life in open court. -Rebecca -- we shattered a man's life in open court. Fuck him! He tried to shatter mine. -Fuck him! He tried to shatter mine. He was only doing what he thought was right. -He was only doing what he thought was right. You're too weak, Frank. When you want something you have to do what- ever it takes to get it. If something gets in your way you remove it. -You killed him -- didn't you? I knew you were thinking that. I could see it in your eyes today in the courtroom. You're wrong, Frank. I need you to believe that. -I knew you were thinking that. I could see it in your eyes today in the courtroom. You're wrong, Frank. I need you to believe that. You don't need anybody. -You don't need anybody. I do need you. No matter what you think of me -- I didn't do it. -I'm dropping the case. No -- you're not. -You can think whatever you want, Frank -- but I didn't kill Andrew, and I'm not going to prison for something I didn't do. You're a monster. -You're a monster. No -- I'm a survivor. -Hello? Frank -- It's Rebecca. I need to see you right away. I've got the tape. -You killed him. You killed him -- and I got you off. That's crazy. -I've been thinking about that. I've decided to give it to you after I've collected the inheritance. You can take that one if you want -- but there's another copy. That wasn't the deal. -That wasn't the deal. So, sue me. Things have changed. I think you should go home -- and after you leave I see no reason for us to ever have contact again. -So, sue me. Things have changed. I think you should go home -- and after you leave I see no reason for us to ever have contact again. I'm not leaving without that tape. -I'm not leaving without that tape. Don't push me, Frank. I might lose my temper and send it out just for spite. -She's right, Paley. You've got to kill me. She doesn't have to -- she's free -- she can't be tried again -- but you, you planned it with her. You supplied the Coke. You're an accessory to murder. Shoot him. -No -- he's lying. How's it supposed to work Rebecca? You and Paley celebrate your victory. You get me over here and provoke a fight so he has to rush in and save you -- but then he's given himself away as your accomplice -- now he has to kill me. After that I figure she'll tell the Police that you broke in. That you were crazed because we humiliated you in court? -How's it supposed to work Rebecca? You and Paley celebrate your victory. You get me over here and provoke a fight so he has to rush in and save you -- but then he's given himself away as your accomplice -- now he has to kill me. After that I figure she'll tell the Police that you broke in. That you were crazed because we humiliated you in court? Don't listen to him. Can't you see he's trying to turn you against me. -Andrew Marsh was a very wealthy man. A trial like this is going to put Cardenas in the spot-light. We've already got press arriving from over the country and she hasn't even been charged yet. Cardenas wants to see her in his office tomorrow at ten. I'd like you to go with her. -We've already got press arriving from over the country and she hasn't even been charged yet. Cardenas wants to see her in his office tomorrow at ten. I'd like you to go with her. I'm supposed to be on vacation. -I know -- but she wants you to represent her if Cardenas files. Why? -Why? Because I told her you were the best criminal attorney we have. -Because I told her you were the best criminal attorney we have. Raymond, I'm the only criminal attorney you have. -Raymond, I'm the only criminal attorney you have. Well, I guess that makes you the best. Look, Frank -- she stands to inherit three million dollars. As executors of the estate and her attorneys that could generate a lot of legal fees for us. All I'm asking you to do is talk to her. -Alright, I'll talk to her She's waiting in the conference room. -What are they saying? The kids at school say she humped Mr. Marsh to death. -The kids at school say she humped Mr. Marsh to death. Hey, you know better than that. What did I teach you to say when someone is accused of doing something? -Hey, you know better than that. What did I teach you to say when someone is accused of doing something? She allegedly humped him to death? -You know how it is sometimes when you're out playing ball with your friends? How you're really concentrating on what you're doing -- and you lose track of time and you come home late and Mom yells at you? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, that's kind of how I am right now. -Well, that's kind of how I am right now. Is Mom yelling at you too? -I love you. I love you too, Dad. -Michael -- get off the phone. Why? -Why? Because I'm expecting a call. -Because I'm expecting a call. -- But it's Sunday. --- But it's Sunday. I know what day it is! Get off the phone. -I know what day it is! Get off the phone. I gotta go. I'll call you later. -Do it quickly, Mr. Dulaney. """Discourteous insinuations about his sexual abilities."" Who told you to say that?" -Mr. Dulaney, before you cast aspersions on the District Attorney's Office by suggesting they've coaxed this witness to say things that aren't true -- you better have more than a hunch. Do you? No, Your Honor. -No, Your Honor. Maybe you don't know what it's like where Mrs. Crawford comes from -- but I do. I came from a neighborhood just like hers. This is a whole other world for her. She's a poor working woman who has been thrust into a room full of highly educated and mostly unsympathetic people. So, she puts on her best dress, fixes her hair and tries to present herself as intelligently as possible. Being poor and having pride is not a crime, Mr. Dulaney -- and before you attempt to impeach another witness' testimony in my courtroom -- your foundations better be based on something other than semantics. -But Your Honor-- That's it, Mr. Dulaney. Take a seat. -Objection. The witness has already stated that Miss Lawson left without an explanation. Mr. Cardenas, I suggest you move on to another line of questioning. -The witness will answer the question. Mr. Roston? -Miss Braslow, I'd like to remind you that you are still under oath. How often do you use cocaine? -Your Honor -- the prosecution has introduced cocaine as one of the contributing reasons Mr. Marsh died. How it may have been introduced into the household is of vital importance. Are you able to back up this allegation -- or are you fishing? -Are you able to back up this allegation -- or are you fishing? I can back it up. -I can back it up. You better. Please answer the question. -You're on vacation, remember? You're supposed to be relaxing. I am relaxing. -I am relaxing. This is not relaxing. -This is not relaxing. Really? -Really? Really. -Really. And I suppose you're going to show me how to relax? -And I suppose you're going to show me how to relax? If you want me to. -If you want me to. I'm always open to learning new things. -Can't it wait? No -- it has to be done by tomorrow. -Hello?... Hi Raymond.... What?... Well, I was sort of planning on... Alright... Okay, goodbye. That was Sattler. He thinks the D.A.'s going to file on Rebecca Lawson. He wants me in the office tomorrow morning. We're supposed to go to the lake. -We're supposed to go to the lake. I know. What can I do? He is the boss. -I know. What can I do? He is the boss. He could let you have your vacation. -I swear -- the both of you. Some example you set. Some example you set. -How can Cardenas possibly think he can build a case against two consenting adults? He must have something or he wouldn't be pressing so hard. -He must have something or he wouldn't be pressing so hard. If he files are you going to take the case? -If he files are you going to take the case? I don't know yet. I want to hear what she says at her statement tomorrow. -I don't know yet. I want to hear what she says at her statement tomorrow. What's she like? -What's she like? Attractive. Bright. Distant. Charming when she wants to be. -She sounds like quite a woman. Yeah -- but can she cook? -Humped Yes. -Yes. I can think of worse ways to go-- -Frank -- I know you're busy, but Michael asked me after dinner if you were angry with him. He wanted to know why you weren't talking to him. I'll talk to him later. -I'll talk to him later. Why don't you talk to him now? -Why don't you talk to him now? Because I go to trial in seven weeks. I've got a lot of preparing to do. -Because I go to trial in seven weeks. I've got a lot of preparing to do. No one's asking you not to work. I just think you could make some time for your son. -Is that alright, Frank? Yeah -- fine. Excuse me. I'll be right back. -Yeah -- what are you doing up? We have to talk. -We have to talk. What's wrong? -What's wrong? That's what I was hoping you'd tell me. -Sharon, it's late. Can we get to the point? Where have you been? -Working. Charlie and I were going over some statements. Charlie called at eleven thirty looking for you. You were with her, weren't you? -Charlie called at eleven thirty looking for you. You were with her, weren't you? Yes. -Yes. Why did you lie to me? -Why did you lie to me? Because I knew you'd think exactly what you're thinking. -This isn't a courtroom. Don't try to turn this around on me. I'm not. -I'm not. You're sleeping with her, aren't you? -You're sleeping with her, aren't you? No. -No. It's bad enough that you are. It's even worse that you can stand here and lie to me. -I was thinking that when the trial is over we'd all go skiing for a weekend. Maybe it would be a good idea if you just took Michael. -I know. Talk to me. -You wouldn't like what you'd see. You don't know me anymore. I don't know me anymore. We can't pretend this isn't happening. -We can't pretend this isn't happening. Please -- not now. -Please -- not now. Why didn't you come to me? -Why didn't you come to me? I don't know. -I don't know. You used to like to touch me -- to make love to me. -You used to like to touch me -- to make love to me. It's more involved than that. -It's more involved than that. It was a place to start. -It was a place to start. You think that's the answer? Sex? Is that what you want? You want me to make love to you? -You think that's the answer? Sex? Is that what you want? You want me to make love to you? I don't want our lives ruined because of this. I love you, Frank. I want this to work -- but you have to help me. You have to come back from where ever it is you are. -Frank -- stop it! Stop it! Is this what you want -- huh? Is it? -Albert's got the stomach flu. That's too bad. -That's too bad. No, it's not. Now I get to pitch. -No, it's not. Now I get to pitch. Michael, you shouldn't be happy when someone else isn't feeling well. -Michael, you shouldn't be happy when someone else isn't feeling well. Not even if they're a dork? -Not even if they're a dork? Not even if they're a dork. You should go by and see how he's feeling. -Don't use language like that at the dinner table. Sorry. -Let me go! Godammit, Frank let go! Daddy -- stop it! -I didn't know that Andrew was dead until Mr. Sattler called me at home that night. We have a witness who saw you go into the house at four thirty. -Yes. What time did you leave? -What time did you leave? Six thirty -- and he was very much alive. -Did Marsh use it? No -- never. -No -- never. It had to get there somehow. -It had to get there somehow. It didn't get there from me. -No, we just had lunch at the hotel with my brother and his new wife. She told me all the dirt. I forgot how interesting things can get around here. It was so good to see them. The last time we visited they were in Europe. He is doing so well. He ordered champagne. For lunch! I nearly died. I nearly died when we split the bill. -I nearly died when we split the bill. Michael doesn't understand. People who make the kind of money my brother makes don't carry money on them. They keep it all in various accounts. -Michael doesn't understand. People who make the kind of money my brother makes don't carry money on them. They keep it all in various accounts. Then we should have had lunch at the bank. -Boy. It sure has been a long time. We were here two Christmases ago. -We were here two Christmases ago. Well, that's a long time. -Well, that's a long time. It's not that long. -It's not that long. "Well, why don't I just say black so you can say white! Don't be surprised to find your brother hasn't changed an iota. He hardly ever talks and when he does it's in that tone! You should have heard him at lunch -- not two words until the bill came and then he says, ""Worth every penny.""" -"Well, why don't I just say black so you can say white! Don't be surprised to find your brother hasn't changed an iota. He hardly ever talks and when he does it's in that tone! You should have heard him at lunch -- not two words until the bill came and then he says, ""Worth every penny.""" SO! -SO! You said it in that tone! Like you were angry at me, my brother, at the world for forcing you to eat a nice lunch! -You said it in that tone! Like you were angry at me, my brother, at the world for forcing you to eat a nice lunch! Oh Jesus. -Oh Jesus. I simply can not stand that tone! -My Jewish friend's grandmother did. Well, no one in my family did! Dad bought cemetery plots at Oak Ridge. One for him, one for mom. -Not to mention people driving over her and doggies doing their business -- We're not doing it! I'm not even sure it's Christian. -We're not doing it! I'm not even sure it's Christian. Maybe it's an Italian thing. Their mother was Italian. -Maybe it's an Italian thing. Their mother was Italian. Doesn't matter. Move on. -It's a beautiful picture of her. Why are there two deeds here? -I don't mind waiting. Well, there's a lot of boring stuff to do. Lists of people we have to write to. Find mama's relatives addresses in Italy -- stuff like that. -Well, there's a lot of boring stuff to do. Lists of people we have to write to. Find mama's relatives addresses in Italy -- stuff like that. Well, I can help. -Well, I can help. I said NO! -I am so sick and tired of apologizing and not knowing what I've done! I'm sure you haven't done anything. Have some iced tea. How are the kids? -Eeeww! I know. I don't understand it either. -How bizarre! Mr. Peterson, are you sure mama wrote all this? -Oh, just a old letter from a friend. No treasure maps, huh? -No treasure maps, huh? No. -I do not need instructions from you to bathe! I knew you'd do this! I knew I'd come all the way here and be shut out as usual! I came to be here for you! I didn't have to come! Lord knows I was never much welcome in this house before. Apparently dead or alive, nothing's changed. Aw, Betty. -Carolyn -- you want these candlesticks? No. You can have them. -Explain to me again why we didn't do this in Des Moines in an air conditioned office? Mom's orders. -Mom's orders. Lawyer here? -Lawyer here? I have some sandwich fixings if you're hungry. -He dropped them off at Betty's mom. Where's Steve? He's not coming. -I thought everything WAS arranged. Well, there's a problem. -Well, there's a problem. What problem? -I remember a Mrs. Delaney but Mama told me years ago she died. Well, I don't care if it's legal or not, we're not cremating her and throwing her all over some bridge where we can't even go visit her because she's going to be blown all over the place like an ashtray. -Yeah. Michael. -Michael. What?! -What?! Come here a minute. -"""-- going over and over in my mind every detail, every moment of our time together and I ask myself, ""What happened to me in Madison County?"" I struggle to put it together in a way that allows me to continue knowing we're on separate roads. But then I look through the lens of my camera, and you're there. I start to write an article and I find myself writing it to you. It's clear to me now we have been moving towards each other, towards those four days, all our lives --" Goddamn sonofabitch! I don't want to hear anymore! Sonofabitch! Burn the damn thing! I don't want to hear it! Throw it away! -What's he saying now? Well, he just gets on about how if mama ever needed him, she could find him through the National Geographic magazine. He as a photographer. He promises not to write again. Then all it says is... I love you... Robert. -Well, he just gets on about how if mama ever needed him, she could find him through the National Geographic magazine. He as a photographer. He promises not to write again. Then all it says is... I love you... Robert. Robert! Jesus! I'll kill him. -Robert! Jesus! I'll kill him. That would be some trick. He's already dead. That's what this other letter is. From his attorney. He left most of his things to mama and requested... -That would be some trick. He's already dead. That's what this other letter is. From his attorney. He left most of his things to mama and requested... What? -What? That he be cremated and his ashes thrown on Roseman Bridge. -That he be cremated and his ashes thrown on Roseman Bridge. DAMN HIM! I knew mama wouldn't have thought of that herself. It was some damn perverted... photographic mind influencing her! When did the bastard die? -DAMN HIM! I knew mama wouldn't have thought of that herself. It was some damn perverted... photographic mind influencing her! When did the bastard die? '82. -'82. Wait a minute! That was thirty years after daddy. Do you think...? -Wait a minute! That was thirty years after daddy. Do you think...? I don't know. I'm completely in the dark here. That's what I get for moving away. -I don't know. I'm completely in the dark here. That's what I get for moving away. This happened way before we both got married. I... I can't believe it. You think she had sex with him? -My Lord. It must feel real nice living inside your head with Peter Pan and the Easter Bunny. Don't talk to me like that. She was my mother for Christsakes. And now I find out she was... She was a --! -Don't talk to me like that. She was my mother for Christsakes. And now I find out she was... She was a --! Don't say that! -Don't say that! Well, what am I supposed to think? -Well, what am I supposed to think? I can't believe she never told me? We spoke at least once a week. How could she do that? -I can't believe she never told me? We spoke at least once a week. How could she do that? How did she meet him? Did Dad know? Anything else in that envelope? -How did she meet him? Did Dad know? Anything else in that envelope? No, I don't think so. I -- -I can't believe she's making jokes. "Sshhh. ""After going through the safety deposit box, I'm sure you'll find you're way to this letter. It's hard to write this to my own children. I could let this die with the rest of me, I suppose. But as one gets older, one fears subside. What becomes more and more important is to be known -- known for all that you were during this brief stay. Row said it seems to me to leave this earth without hose you love the most ever really knowing who you were. It's easy for a mother to love her children no matter what -- it's something that just happens. I don't know if it's as simple for children. You're all so busy being angry at us for raising you wrong. But I thought it was important to give you that chance. To give you the opportunity to love me for all that I was...""" -Grateful!? """... It's all there in the three notebooks. Read them in order. If you don't want to, I suppose that's okay too. But in that case I want you to know something -- I never stopped loving your father. He was a very good man. It's just that my love for Robert was different. He brought out something in me no one had ever brought out before, or since. He made me feel like a woman in a way few women, maybe more, ever experience...""" -"""... It's all there in the three notebooks. Read them in order. If you don't want to, I suppose that's okay too. But in that case I want you to know something -- I never stopped loving your father. He was a very good man. It's just that my love for Robert was different. He brought out something in me no one had ever brought out before, or since. He made me feel like a woman in a way few women, maybe more, ever experience...""" That's it! -What are you doing? This is crazy. She waits till she's dead to tell us all this. Well, I got news for you. She was my mother. That's enough for me. I don't have to know who she was. -This is crazy. She waits till she's dead to tell us all this. Well, I got news for you. She was my mother. That's enough for me. I don't have to know who she was. Well, I'd like to read them. -Well, I'd like to read them. No. We're going to lock this up and -- -No. We're going to lock this up and -- STOP IT! I want to read them! If you don't want to, then just leave. But don't you push me around like I'm some mule you paid for -- I already GOT A HUSBAND! -He's getting her drunk. That's what happened. Jesus, maybe he forced himself. That's why she couldn't tell us. Oh, he did not. He's such a nice guy. -Oh, he did not. He's such a nice guy. Nice? He's trying to sleep with somebody's wife. -Nice? He's trying to sleep with somebody's wife. I don't think so. Not yet anyway. And besides, something like that doesn't make you a bad person. He reminds me of Steve in a way. Steve's weak, immoral and a liar but he's still a real nice guy. He just shouldn't be married. At least not to me. You getting hungry? I'm hungry. -I had no idea it's gotten that bad, sis. Oh, don't feel sorry for me. Please. No one's forcing me to stay. -Oh, don't feel sorry for me. Please. No one's forcing me to stay. Then why do you? -Then why do you? And do what? Live alone? Go back to school? Find someone else? Start a magazine for confused woman? ... What if I can't do any of those things? -Bar across the street. Have you called Betty? Maybe you should. -Have you called Betty? Maybe you should. I found out who Lucy Delaney is. Remember the Delaneys from Hillcrest Road? -I found out who Lucy Delaney is. Remember the Delaneys from Hillcrest Road? Yeah. But I thought she died. -Yeah. But I thought she died. He remarried. Apparently they were having an affair for years. Apparently the first Mrs. Delaney was a bit of a stiff. -He remarried. Apparently they were having an affair for years. Apparently the first Mrs. Delaney was a bit of a stiff. You mean -- she didn't like sex? -You mean -- she didn't like sex? I bet mom could've helped her. -I bet mom could've helped her. Boy. All these years I've resented not living the wild life in some place like Paris and all the time I could've moved back to Iowa... Are you drunk? -Boy. All these years I've resented not living the wild life in some place like Paris and all the time I could've moved back to Iowa... Are you drunk? Not yet. You want to go? -Not yet. You want to go? I think I better. Between the book and the coffee, I'm this close to raping the busboy. -I used to love this place. I used to take Kathy Reynolds down here. You never dated Kathy Reynolds! -You never dated Kathy Reynolds! "Not officially. Her and Steve Kendall were pinned at birth. But I was crazy about her. And for about three months, I managed to catch her during her ""exploring"" stage." -"Not officially. Her and Steve Kendall were pinned at birth. But I was crazy about her. And for about three months, I managed to catch her during her ""exploring"" stage." I never knew that. -I never knew that. Nobody did. -Nobody did. Was this during Betty? -Was this during Betty? Everything was during Betty. God we were so young. Why did we think we had to do it all so fast? I've never cheated on Betty. Not once we were married, I mean. -Everything was during Betty. God we were so young. Why did we think we had to do it all so fast? I've never cheated on Betty. Not once we were married, I mean. Did we want to? -Did we want to? "Only about a thousand times. What do I do now? ""What's good enough for mom is good enough for me?""" -"Only about a thousand times. What do I do now? ""What's good enough for mom is good enough for me?""" What gets me is I'm 46 years old. I've been in this crummy fucking marriage - -What gets me is I'm 46 years old. I've been in this crummy fucking marriage - Carolyn! -Carolyn! -- for over twenty years because that's what I was taught -- you stick with it! Normal people don't get divorced. I can't remember the last time my husband made love to me so intensely that he transported me to Europe, for Christ's sake -- quite frankly, I don't think he ever did! And now I find out in between bake sales, my mother was Anais Nin! --- for over twenty years because that's what I was taught -- you stick with it! Normal people don't get divorced. I can't remember the last time my husband made love to me so intensely that he transported me to Europe, for Christ's sake -- quite frankly, I don't think he ever did! And now I find out in between bake sales, my mother was Anais Nin! What about me! I feel really weird. Like she cheated on me, not dad. Isn't that sick? I don't mean I wanted to sleep with her or anything but -- ya know -- being the only son. You're sort of made to feel like you're the prince of the kingdom, ya know? And in the back of your mind, you kind of think your mother doesn't need sex anymore because she has you. -What about me! I feel really weird. Like she cheated on me, not dad. Isn't that sick? I don't mean I wanted to sleep with her or anything but -- ya know -- being the only son. You're sort of made to feel like you're the prince of the kingdom, ya know? And in the back of your mind, you kind of think your mother doesn't need sex anymore because she has you. You're right -- that is sick. -Mrs. Delaney. Did you hear the latest? No, what? -See. Money don't buy happiness. I must say, she's taking it well. I'd kill him. Him and that Redfield woman. Together. First one then the other. And then I'd laugh. -I'd kill him. Him and that Redfield woman. Together. First one then the other. And then I'd laugh. I'd laugh first then I'd kill them. Make sure they heard me laughing. -She's changed. Oh, yes. -Oh, yes. She used to be so friendly. -"My niece had ""the changes"" when she was thirty-one." No. What a tragedy. What happened? -No. What a tragedy. What happened? She changed. -Oh, this heat! Times like this I wish we took that offer from your brother and moved on up to Michigan. They got heat in Michigan. -They got heat in Michigan. Not this kind of heat. -Not this kind of heat. Heat is heat. -Heat is heat. Heat is not heat! There's different kinds! And this heat is much hotter than what they got in Michigan. You go and call your brother and see if he don't say the same thing. -Heat is not heat! There's different kinds! And this heat is much hotter than what they got in Michigan. You go and call your brother and see if he don't say the same thing. I'll get right on it. -Well, nobody put a gun to his head. Oh, shut up! It's the woman who's in control of these situations. Men don't know which end is up till a woman points. -"What do you know about ""the changes""?" Well, I didn't know they was a secret club. -Well, I didn't know they was a secret club. "Don't talk about what you don't know. Besides, she's too young for ""the changes.""" -Madge? "Hi. I made some brown betty. I sent Floyd off to town with the boy. I said - ""Floyd, I'm going to visit my girlfriend and spend the afternoon and that's all there is to it. He said who's going to make lunch? I said I'm taking a sick day. Eat at the dinner."" Isn't that hilarious? He didn't dare raise an eyebrow -- I don't even want to tell you how late he was out last night with those good for nothings from the Sandford ranch. I am so sorry, honey, I let two days pass before I came by, but with the boy home the time just escapes me. Have you heard from Richard? How's the fair? God, it's hot." -Madge. Please. Something's happened. I've met someone. I've fallen in love in a way I've never thought could happen my entire life. It's our last day together. I feel like I'm going to die when he leaves. Please. Help me. Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. But you've got to be grateful for even feeling the little you've be given. Believe me. Go to him. Don't let him leave without these new precious hours you've got left. And if you need anyone to cry on, you know where I am. -I don't know. I woke up a little dizzy. I didn't sleep well. I think I need to lay down. You want me to call the doctor? -You want me to call the doctor? No, no. I just didn't sleep well. I'm not used to sleeping alone. And this heat. Would you mind? -No, no. I just didn't sleep well. I'm not used to sleeping alone. And this heat. Would you mind? No, of course not. I'll just clean up. -No, of course not. I'll just clean up. No, leave it. I'll do it later. Listen, maybe you and Floyd can come for dinner on Saturday. I'm sure Richard'll have so many stories to tell you both about the fair and all. -No, leave it. I'll do it later. Listen, maybe you and Floyd can come for dinner on Saturday. I'm sure Richard'll have so many stories to tell you both about the fair and all. Oh, that'll be nice. -Are you supposed to be in Iowa? Yeah. -Roseman Bridge? That's it. -That's it. Well, you're pretty close. It's only about two miles from here. -Well, you're pretty close. It's only about two miles from here. Oh, terrific. Which way? -If I'm not taking you away from anything. No. I was just going to have some iced tea then split the atom, but that can wait. I just have to get my shoes. -Pretty country. Hmm-mmm. -There's a wonderful smell about Iowa -- very particular to this part of the country. Do you know what I mean? No. -No. I can't describe it. I think it's from the loam in the soil. This very rich, earthy kind of... alive... No. No, that's not right. Can you smell it? -I can't describe it. I think it's from the loam in the soil. This very rich, earthy kind of... alive... No. No, that's not right. Can you smell it? Maybe it's because I live here. -Maybe it's because I live here. That must be it. It's a great smell. -Are you from Washington originally? Uh-huh. Lived there till I was twenty or so and then moved to Chicago when I got married. -Uh-huh. Lived there till I was twenty or so and then moved to Chicago when I got married. Oh. When did you move back? -Oh. When did you move back? After the divorce. -After the divorce. Oh. -Oh. How long you been married? -How long you been married? Uh... uh... Umm... long time. -Uh... uh... Umm... long time. You don't look like a native, if you don't mind my saying so. -You don't look like a native, if you don't mind my saying so. No, I don't mind. I'm not from here. I was born in Italy. -No, I don't mind. I'm not from here. I was born in Italy. Well, from Italy to Iowa -- that's a story! Whereabouts in Italy? -Well, from Italy to Iowa -- that's a story! Whereabouts in Italy? Small town on the Eastern side no one's ever heard of called Bari. -Small town on the Eastern side no one's ever heard of called Bari. Oh yeah, Bari. I've been there. -Oh yeah, Bari. I've been there. No, really? -No, really? Oh, yeah. Actually, I had an assignment in Greece and I had to go through Bari to get the boat at Brindisi. But it looked so pretty I got off and stayed for a few days. Breathtaking country. -You just... got off the train because it looked pretty? Yeah. Excuse me a sec. -So, how long you've been living here? Long. You just got off the train and stayed without knowing anyone there? -Long. You just got off the train and stayed without knowing anyone there? Yeah. -This won't take long. I'm shooting tomorrow morning. I just need to do some prep work. I don't mind waiting. -This time of year. Would you do me a favor and go to the truck? Inside that leather bag with the pockets is a package of lens cleaners. Would you grab me one? -Oh there you are. Oh! You caught me. -Men sill give women flowers, don't they? I mean, as a sign of appreciation? I'm not that out of date, am I? No, not at all -- except those are poisonous. -No, not at all -- except those are poisonous. WHAT! -Are you by nature a sadistic person? No, I'm not. I don't know why I said that. I've been in a very... strange mood all day. I've never done anything like that before. It's... I'm just... Well, you know, the whole world is just going nuts. -Looking for something in particular? There's not much of a selection. I found this Chicago station before. Wait a minute... Here it is. -Oh, that's nice. Want another cigarette? -Want another cigarette? Sure. -Well, thank you for all your help, Mrs. Johnson. Francesca. -Francesca. Francesca. Robert. -Lemon? Sure. -Mind if I smoke? Not at all. -Sure you want to keep those in the house? I'm so sorry about that. It was rude. I think I just got nervous for some reason. -I'm so sorry about that. It was rude. I think I just got nervous for some reason. I thought it was funny. -Where are you staying while you're here? A little place with cabins. The something-Motor Inn. I haven't checked in yet. -A little place with cabins. The something-Motor Inn. I haven't checked in yet. And how long are you here for? -And how long are you here for? As long as it takes, I might stay a week. No more I don't think. Where's your family? -As long as it takes, I might stay a week. No more I don't think. Where's your family? My husband took the kids to the Illinos State Fair. My daughter's entering a prize steer. -My husband took the kids to the Illinos State Fair. My daughter's entering a prize steer. Oh. How old? -Oh. How old? About a year and a half. -About a year and a half. No, your kids. -No, your kids. Oh. Michael's 17 and Carolyn's 16. -Oh. Michael's 17 and Carolyn's 16. Must be nice having kids. -Everything does. One of the laws of nature. People are always so afraid of change. But if you look at it like it's something you can count on happening, it's actually a comfort. Not many things you can count on for sure. I guess. Except I'm one of the people it frightens. -I guess. Except I'm one of the people it frightens. I doubt that. -I doubt that. Why? -Why? Italy to Iowa? I'd call that a change. -Italy to Iowa? I'd call that a change. Richard was in the army. I met him while I was living in Naples. I didn't know where Iowa was. I only cared that it was America. And of course, being with Richard. -Richard was in the army. I met him while I was living in Naples. I didn't know where Iowa was. I only cared that it was America. And of course, being with Richard. What's he like? -He's very... clean. Clean? -Clean? No. I mean yes, he's clean but he's also other things. He's a very hard worker. Very honest. Very caring. Gentle. Good father. -No. I mean yes, he's clean but he's also other things. He's a very hard worker. Very honest. Very caring. Gentle. Good father. And clean. -And clean. Yes. Very clean. -Feeling better? Much. -Much. Is the dizziness gone? -Is the dizziness gone? I think so. -I better go. You sure you're all right? It's been a pleasure. Sincerely. I feel so embarrassed. -I feel so embarrassed. Why? You uncorked a bottle. From what I can tell, I got here just in time. Any later and you'd have made the front page, running down Main Street naked, smoking Camels out of your butt. -Why? You uncorked a bottle. From what I can tell, I got here just in time. Any later and you'd have made the front page, running down Main Street naked, smoking Camels out of your butt. But I... We don't even know each other. -But I... We don't even know each other. You have no reason to feel ashamed. You haven't said anything you don't have a right to. And if anybody tells you different -- you just send them to me. -Would you like to stay for dinner? There aren't many choices in town and ... anyway, you'd have to eat alone. So would I. That's very nice of you. I don't get many dinner invitations on the job. It would be a welcome change. Thanks. -Help cook? Sure. Men cook. We don't all eat bananas with our feet, ya know. -Sure. Men cook. We don't all eat bananas with our feet, ya know. Okay. -What? She starts sniffing me. -She starts sniffing me. Oh my God... You're blushing. -Oh my God... You're blushing. It's still a very sensitive memory for me. -It's still a very sensitive memory for me. Then what happened? -Then what happened? We got engaged. -We got engaged. Oh you! -You ought to write these stories down. Nah. I've tried. My writing's too technical, I think. Problem of being a journalist too long is you stop giving yourself permission to invent. I better just stick to making pictures. -Nah. I've tried. My writing's too technical, I think. Problem of being a journalist too long is you stop giving yourself permission to invent. I better just stick to making pictures. """Making pictures."" I like that. You really love what you do, don't you?" -"""Making pictures."" I like that. You really love what you do, don't you?" I'm kind of obsessed by it, actually. -I'm kind of obsessed by it, actually. Why, do you think? -Why, do you think? I don't know if obsessions have reasons. I think that's why they're obsessions. -I don't know if obsessions have reasons. I think that's why they're obsessions. You sound like an artist. -You sound like an artist. No. I wouldn't say that. National Geographic isn't exactly the hub of artistic inspiration. They like their wild life in focus and without any personal comment. I don't mind really. I'm not artist. I'd faced that a long time ago. It's the course of being well-adjusted. I'm too normal. -No. I wouldn't say that. National Geographic isn't exactly the hub of artistic inspiration. They like their wild life in focus and without any personal comment. I don't mind really. I'm not artist. I'd faced that a long time ago. It's the course of being well-adjusted. I'm too normal. I don't think you're normal. -I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Well, let's just call it a compliment and move on. Did you love teaching? -And did you? I'd like to think so. I know one of them went on to Medical school. -I'd like to think so. I know one of them went on to Medical school. Why did you stop? -Why did you stop? My children. And Richard didn't like my working. -My children. And Richard didn't like my working. Do you miss it? -Do you miss it? I don't know. I've never thought about it... what was the most exciting place you've ever been to? Unless you're tired of talking about it. -I don't know. I've never thought about it... what was the most exciting place you've ever been to? Unless you're tired of talking about it. You're asking a man if he's too tired to talk about himself? You don't get out much, do you? -I'm sorry. That was... No. It's all right. I just meant, it might be a little dull for you, telling all this to some housewife in the middle of nowhere. -No. It's all right. I just meant, it might be a little dull for you, telling all this to some housewife in the middle of nowhere. This is your home. It's not nowhere. And it's not dull. -My God. How I'd love to see that. They have safaris for tourists now. Maybe you can convince your husband. -Well, it's kind of buggy out there. Have no fear. This Shoshone Medicine Woman taught me how to make bug repellent tea out of tree root. -Have no fear. This Shoshone Medicine Woman taught me how to make bug repellent tea out of tree root. You drink bug repellent? -You drink bug repellent? No, you rub it on you. I have some in the truck. Don't go away. -Smells like dirt. You get used to it. -You get used to it. When? -When? You want to go back in? -You want to go back in? No. I'm all right. It's working. -You've got it all right here, you know. It's just as beautiful as any other place I've seen. God, it knocks me out. What? -What? "This ""... Of what I call God and fools can Nature."" Who wrote that?" -"This ""... Of what I call God and fools can Nature."" Who wrote that?" Umm, I don't know. I can look it up. -Umm, I don't know. I can look it up. I'd appreciate it. I like knowing who I'm stealing from. If you can't create art I think the least you can do is recognize it around you, don't you think? There is... ... so much beauty. -You sure you won't let me help you with those dishes? No. I'll do them later. -No. I'll do them later. Francesca? -Francesca? What? -What? Are you all right? -Are you all right? Yes. -Yes. Francesca? -Francesca? What? -What? We're not doing anything wrong, do you. -Do you mind if I... ask you why you got divorced? Not at all. I wasn't around much... So why did I get married? Well, I thought it was a good idea at the time. Have a home base. Roots. You can get lost moving around so much. -Not at all. I wasn't around much... So why did I get married? Well, I thought it was a good idea at the time. Have a home base. Roots. You can get lost moving around so much. So what happened? -So what happened? I never got lost. For some reason, I'm more at home everywhere than at one place. So I decided I'll think of myself as some kind of world citizen. I belong everywhere and nowhere. I'm kin to everyone, and no one in particular. See, once you get into the habit of not needing anyone, it's kind of hard to break. -I never got lost. For some reason, I'm more at home everywhere than at one place. So I decided I'll think of myself as some kind of world citizen. I belong everywhere and nowhere. I'm kin to everyone, and no one in particular. See, once you get into the habit of not needing anyone, it's kind of hard to break. You must get lonely at times. -You must get lonely at times. Never touch the stuff. I've got friends all over the world. Good friends I can see when I want, if I want. -Never touch the stuff. I've got friends all over the world. Good friends I can see when I want, if I want. Woman friends, too? -Woman friends, too? I'm a loner, I'm not a monk. -You really don't need anyone? "No, I think I need everyone! I love people. I want to meet them all! I just think there are too many out there saying ""This is mine."" or ""She's mine."" Too many lines have been drawn. World's breaking apart because of man's weakness for some testosterone conquests over territory and power and people. He wants control over what deep down he knows he has no control over whatsoever and it scares him silly." -"No, I think I need everyone! I love people. I want to meet them all! I just think there are too many out there saying ""This is mine."" or ""She's mine."" Too many lines have been drawn. World's breaking apart because of man's weakness for some testosterone conquests over territory and power and people. He wants control over what deep down he knows he has no control over whatsoever and it scares him silly." Why doesn't it scare you? -Why doesn't it scare you? I embrace Mystery. I don't know what's coming. And I don't mind. -I embrace Mystery. I don't know what's coming. And I don't mind. Do you ever regret it? The divorce, I mean. -Do you ever regret it? The divorce, I mean. No. -No. Do you ever regret not having a family? -Do you ever regret not having a family? Not everybody's supposed to have a family. -Not everybody's supposed to have a family. But -- how can you just live for what you want? What about other people? -But -- how can you just live for what you want? What about other people? I told you, I love other people. -I told you, I love other people. But no one in particular. -But no one in particular. No. But I love them just the same. -No. But I love them just the same. But it's not the same. -But it's not the same. That's not what you're saying. I know it's not the same. What you're saying is, it's not as good. Or it's not as normal or proper. -That's not what you're saying. I know it's not the same. What you're saying is, it's not as good. Or it's not as normal or proper. No, I'm just saying -- -No, I'm just saying -- I'm a little sick of this American Family Ethic everyone seems to be hypnotized by in this country. I guess you think I'm just some poor displaced soul doomed to roam the earth without a self-cleaning oven and home movie. -I'm a little sick of this American Family Ethic everyone seems to be hypnotized by in this country. I guess you think I'm just some poor displaced soul doomed to roam the earth without a self-cleaning oven and home movie. Just because someone chooses to settle down and have a family doesn't necessarily mean they're hypnotized. Just because I've never seen a gazelle stampede doesn't mean I'm asleep in the world. -Just because someone chooses to settle down and have a family doesn't necessarily mean they're hypnotized. Just because I've never seen a gazelle stampede doesn't mean I'm asleep in the world. Do you want to leave your husband? -My mistake. I apologize. What made you ask such a question? -What made you ask such a question? I thought that's what we were doing -- asking questions. -I thought that's what we were doing -- asking questions. I thought we were just having a conversation. You seem to be reading all this meaning into it. Meanings I must be too simple to, uh... interpret or something. -I thought we were just having a conversation. You seem to be reading all this meaning into it. Meanings I must be too simple to, uh... interpret or something. I already apologized. -Listen, I'm sorry I -- No, no. Forgive me. I made a mistake. It was an inappropriate thing to ask. -No, no. Forgive me. I made a mistake. It was an inappropriate thing to ask. ... I feel like something's been spoiled now. -Francesca? Yes! Hi. -Yes! Hi. Am I interrupting anything? -Am I interrupting anything? No. I was just... No. -No. I was just... No. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner, but I just read your note. I stuffed it into my pocket. The light was fading and I had to get my shot. -I'm sorry I didn't call sooner, but I just read your note. I stuffed it into my pocket. The light was fading and I had to get my shot. The light was fading. Huh-huh. -The light was fading. Huh-huh. I would love to come for dinner. -I would love to come for dinner. Wonderful. Uh... -Wonderful. Uh... Listen, I have to shoot Cedar Bridge until a little after sunset. I want a few night shots. Would you like to come with me? If you're interested... -Listen, I have to shoot Cedar Bridge until a little after sunset. I want a few night shots. Would you like to come with me? If you're interested... Oh, sure. Great. -Oh, sure. Great. I'll pick you up. -I'll pick you up. No. I'll drive myself. I have a few errands. I'll meet you there. -No. I'll drive myself. I have a few errands. I'll meet you there. Okay. See you later. -Okay. See you later. Yeah. See you later. -It's Robert. Oh, hi. Look, I'm running a little late, but I'll still... -Oh, hi. Look, I'm running a little late, but I'll still... Listen, don't take this the wrong way but, I'm wondering if this is such a good idea. -Oh. "I uh... I had lunch in town today. Happened to cross paths with ""that Redfield woman."" I apologize. I thought you were half-joking about that." -"I uh... I had lunch in town today. Happened to cross paths with ""that Redfield woman."" I apologize. I thought you were half-joking about that." Oh. I guess you got the whole story. -Oh. I guess you got the whole story. The cashier at the general store was very dangerous. -The cashier at the general store was very dangerous. I think he's running for town crier next year. -I think he's running for town crier next year. I now know more about their affair than I remember about my marriage. Francesca, the last thing I want to do is put you in any kind of situation that would... even though we know it's just -- I mean, it's nothing like that, but if anybody saw us or... -I now know more about their affair than I remember about my marriage. Francesca, the last thing I want to do is put you in any kind of situation that would... even though we know it's just -- I mean, it's nothing like that, but if anybody saw us or... I understand. That's very kind of you. -Yeah? I want you to come. -Sorry I'm late. Richard called. Oh, how is he? -Oh, how is he? Fine. They're all having a good time. How many more shots do you have? -Fine. They're all having a good time. How many more shots do you have? Couple. Want to help? -Can I help? Actually, no. I've got everything under control. I'd like to clean up myself a bit. I'm going to take a bath. Dinner'll be ready in about a half hour. -Actually, no. I've got everything under control. I'd like to clean up myself a bit. I'm going to take a bath. Dinner'll be ready in about a half hour. How about if I set the table? -How about if I set the table? Sure. -Sure. Would you like a beer for your bath? -Would you like a beer for your bath? Yes, that'd be nice. -Are you comfortable? Do you... want to move to the bedroom? No. I can't. Not yet. -You want to eat something? Are you hungry? -Are you hungry? No. -Take me somewhere. What? -What? Right now. Tell me someplace you've been -- someplace on the other side of the world. Anywhere but here. -Right now. Tell me someplace you've been -- someplace on the other side of the world. Anywhere but here. How about Italy? -How about Italy? Yes. -Yes. How about Bari? -How about Bari? Yes. Tell me about the day you got off the train. -Yes. Tell me about the day you got off the train. Have you ever been to that station? -Have you ever been to that station? Yes. -Yes. You know that little place nearby with the striped awning that sells sandwiches and little pizzas... -Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay. It's not that hot anymore. Thanks God. -I just feel like I'm getting a little ... out of control that's all. It's kind of frightening. Why? -Why? Why!? Because, I'm having thoughts I hardly know what to do with. I... can't seem to... stop them. -Why!? Because, I'm having thoughts I hardly know what to do with. I... can't seem to... stop them. Nobody's asking you to. -Nobody's asking you to. And arraccinos and zeppolis. Yes! I know it! -And arraccinos and zeppolis. Yes! I know it! I sat outside and had coffee. -I sat outside and had coffee. Where? Near the doorway or the near the front of the church? -Where? Near the doorway or the near the front of the church? Near the church. -Near the church. I sat there once. It was hot. Like today. I'd been shopping. I had all these bags around my feet I kept having to move every time the waiter came by... -On that one is beautiful. Look at their expressions. As if the camera weren't on them at all. As if they had no strength left to hide what they were feeling. He's a genius. They're not photographs -- they're stories, entire histories captured in moments. -He's a genius. They're not photographs -- they're stories, entire histories captured in moments. I bet you could do a book. -I bet you could do a book. No. I couldn't. -No. I couldn't. Why do you say that? -Why do you say that? Because I already tried once. -But you don't mind. No, I don't mind. -What were you like when you were younger? Trouble. Why? -Trouble. Why? I just wondered. Why were you trouble? -I just wondered. Why were you trouble? I had a temper. -I had a temper. What were your parents like? -I can't do this, honey. What? -What? Try and live a lifetime before Friday. Cram it all in. -You're somewhere else, where? Just that it's been a perfect day and that I'd like to skip my fancy dessert and go home after this. -Just that it's been a perfect day and that I'd like to skip my fancy dessert and go home after this. Uh-huh. And? -Uh-huh. And? You're right, you know. We don't have much time. -Where was she? Across the street. She went into the park and got turned around and didn't know her way out. -I don't know why I'm so tired all of a sudden. Long day. Go to sleep. -Long day. Go to sleep. Am I too heavy for you? -Am I too heavy for you? No. -Sleep all right? Yes, thanks. -Yes, thanks. Good. More coffee? Robert, I hope you don't mind my asking, but I feel like I should. -Good. More coffee? Robert, I hope you don't mind my asking, but I feel like I should. What? -What? Well, these... women friends of yours... all over the world. How does it work? Do you see some of them again? Do you forget others? Do you write them now and then? How do you manage it? -I... What do you want? Well, I just want to know the procedure. I don't want to upset your routine. Do you want any jam? -Well, I just want to know the procedure. I don't want to upset your routine. Do you want any jam? Routine! I don't have a routine. And if you think that's what this is - -Routine! I don't have a routine. And if you think that's what this is - Well, what is this? -Well, what is this? Well, why is that up to me? You're the one who's married. You told me you have no intention of leaving your husband. -Well, why is that up to me? You're the one who's married. You told me you have no intention of leaving your husband. To do what? Be with someone who needs everyone and no one in particular? I mean, what would be the point. Would you pass the butter? -To do what? Be with someone who needs everyone and no one in particular? I mean, what would be the point. Would you pass the butter? I was honest with you. I told you who I was. -I was honest with you. I told you who I was. Yes. Absolutely. You have this habit of not needing and that it's hard to break. I understand. Of course, in that case, why sleep -- you don't need rest or for that matter eat, you don't need food. -What are you doing? Gee, I don't know. I guess I'm not cut out to be a World Citizen who experiences everything and nothing at the same time. -Gee, I don't know. I guess I'm not cut out to be a World Citizen who experiences everything and nothing at the same time. How do you know what I experience? -How do you know what I experience? "I know you! What can this possibly mean to anyone who doesn't ""need"" meaning - ""Who goes with the Mystery"" -- who pretends he isn't scared to death." -"I know you! What can this possibly mean to anyone who doesn't ""need"" meaning - ""Who goes with the Mystery"" -- who pretends he isn't scared to death." Stop it! -Stop it! You have no idea what you've done to me, do you? And after you leave, I'm going to have to wonder for the rest of my life what happened here. If anything happened at all! And I'll have to wonder if you find yourself in some... housewife's kitchen in Romania if you'll sit there and tell her about your world of good friends and secretly include me in that group. -You have no idea what you've done to me, do you? And after you leave, I'm going to have to wonder for the rest of my life what happened here. If anything happened at all! And I'll have to wonder if you find yourself in some... housewife's kitchen in Romania if you'll sit there and tell her about your world of good friends and secretly include me in that group. What do you want me to say? -What do you want me to say? I don't want you to say anything. I don't need you to say anything. -STOP IT! Fine. More eggs or should we just fuck on the linoleum one last time? -Fine. More eggs or should we just fuck on the linoleum one last time? I told you! I won't apologize for who I am. -I told you! I won't apologize for who I am. No one's asking you to! -No one's asking you to! I won't be made to feel like I've done something wrong. -I won't be made to feel like I've done something wrong. You won't be made to feel! Period. You've carved out this little part for yourself in the world where you get to be a voyeur, a hermit and a lover whenever you feel like it and the rest of us are just supposed to feel so incredibly grateful for the brief time you've touched our lives! Well, go to hell! It isn't human not to feel lonely -- it isn't human not to afraid! You're a hypocrite and you're a phony! -You won't be made to feel! Period. You've carved out this little part for yourself in the world where you get to be a voyeur, a hermit and a lover whenever you feel like it and the rest of us are just supposed to feel so incredibly grateful for the brief time you've touched our lives! Well, go to hell! It isn't human not to feel lonely -- it isn't human not to afraid! You're a hypocrite and you're a phony! I DON'T WANT TO NEED YOU! -I DON'T WANT TO NEED YOU! WHY? -WHY? BECAUSE I CAN'T HAVE YOU! -BECAUSE I CAN'T HAVE YOU! WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH IT? -If I've done anything to make you think that what's happened between us is nothing new for me -- is some routine -- then I do apologize. What makes it different, Robert? -No matter how I keep turning it around in my mind -- it doesn't seem like the right thing. For who? -For who? For anyone. They'll never be able to live through the talk. Richard will never be able to. He doesn't deserve that. He hasn't hurt anyone in his life. -For anyone. They'll never be able to live through the talk. Richard will never be able to. He doesn't deserve that. He hasn't hurt anyone in his life. Then he can move! People move! -Then he can move! People move! His family's lived for almost a hundred years. Richard doesn't know how to live anywhere else. And the kids... -His family's lived for almost a hundred years. Richard doesn't know how to live anywhere else. And the kids... The kids are grown! They don't need you anymore. You told me that. They hardly talk to you. -The kids are grown! They don't need you anymore. You told me that. They hardly talk to you. No, they don't say much. But Carolyn's 16. She's just about to find out about all this for herself -- she's going to fall in love, she's going to try and figure out how to build a life with someone. If I leave what does that say to her? -No, they don't say much. But Carolyn's 16. She's just about to find out about all this for herself -- she's going to fall in love, she's going to try and figure out how to build a life with someone. If I leave what does that say to her? What about us? What about me? -What about us? What about me? You've got to know deep down that the minute we leave here. It'll all change. -You've got to know deep down that the minute we leave here. It'll all change. Yeah. It could get better. -Yeah. It could get better. No matter how much distance we put between us and this house, I bring with it with me. And I'll feel it every minute we're together. And I'll blame loving you for how much it hurts. And then even these four days won't be anything more than something sordid and... a mistake. -No matter how much distance we put between us and this house, I bring with it with me. And I'll feel it every minute we're together. And I'll blame loving you for how much it hurts. And then even these four days won't be anything more than something sordid and... a mistake. Francesca, listen to me. You think what's happened to us happens to just anybody? What we feel for each other? How much we feel? We're not even two separate people anymore. Some people search their whole lives for it and wind up alone -- most people don't even think it exists and you're going to tell me that giving it up is the right thing to do? That staying here alone in a marriage, alone in a town you hate, in a house you don't feel apart of anymore -- you're telling me that's the right thing to do!? -Francesca, listen to me. You think what's happened to us happens to just anybody? What we feel for each other? How much we feel? We're not even two separate people anymore. Some people search their whole lives for it and wind up alone -- most people don't even think it exists and you're going to tell me that giving it up is the right thing to do? That staying here alone in a marriage, alone in a town you hate, in a house you don't feel apart of anymore -- you're telling me that's the right thing to do!? We are the choices we've made, Robert. -We are the choices we've made, Robert. TO HELL WITH YOU! -Robert. Please. You don't understand -- no one does. When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children -- in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you're expected move again only you don't remember what moves you because no one has asked in so long. Not even yourself. You never in your life think that love like this can happen to you. But now that you have it - -But now that you have it - I want to keep it forever. I want to love you the way I do now the rest of my life. Don't you understand -- we'll lose it if we leave. I can't make an entire life disappear to start a new one. All I can do is try to hold onto to both. Help me. Help me not lose loving you. -I don't know. Please... I'm going to be here a few more days. I'll be at the Inn. We have some time. Let's not say any more now. -I'm going to be here a few more days. I'll be at the Inn. We have some time. Let's not say any more now. No. Don't do this. -No. Don't do this. I CAN'T SAY GOODBYE YET! We'll leave it for now. We're not saying goodbye. We're not making any decision. Maybe you'll change your mind. Maybe we'll accidentally run into each other and ... and you'll change your mind. -I CAN'T SAY GOODBYE YET! We'll leave it for now. We're not saying goodbye. We're not making any decision. Maybe you'll change your mind. Maybe we'll accidentally run into each other and ... and you'll change your mind. Robert, if that happens, you'll have to decide. I won't be able to. -Mrs. Johnson! Mrs. Johnson! Is it true Cary Grant has proposed to you? Yes. And I've accepted. -Yes. And I've accepted. What about his engagement to Dyan Cannon? -What about his engagement to Dyan Cannon? I said to him Cary you're being ridiculous. You're more than half her age. He said no one had ever been that honest with him and he falls in love with me. -I said to him Cary you're being ridiculous. You're more than half her age. He said no one had ever been that honest with him and he falls in love with me. What about your husband? -What about your husband? I'm very sad but Richard said that since it's Cary Grant, he completely understands. I'm also taking Mrs. Delaney away from this town. She'll be living with Cary and I in Beverly Hills. -You feeling better Franny? Yes. I'm fine. It's just this heat I think. -It's a Chicago station. I found it the other day. Kinda pretty. Is this uh... jazz kinda singing? -Kinda pretty. Is this uh... jazz kinda singing? I don't know. Can we turn it off? I have such a headache. -I don't know. Can we turn it off? I have such a headache. Sure. -'Bout 4:30. Well you should all go to bed early. I'll do the cleaning up. -What time is it? Later. Go back to sleep. -Later. Go back to sleep. Where you going? -Where you going? I'm not tired. I thought I might finish Carolyn's skirt. -I'm not tired. I thought I might finish Carolyn's skirt. Now?! It's after eleven. -Now?! It's after eleven. I can't sleep. -I can't sleep. Again? Maybe you should see a doctor. -Again? Maybe you should see a doctor. I'm not sick, Richard. I'm just not tired, now go back to sleep before you're up for the whole night too! -"""I had forgotten this. I had somehow remembered it being more his fault, his decision. Then I remembered we made love in that field before we left for home. And I remembered it was my idea. I remembered tearing his shirt and biting his body, hoping he would kidnap me. I had forgotten that too. And I wondered, as I sat there... how many other things I'd forgotten.""" Frannie. -I'm positive. I'm going to miss you. -I'm going to miss you. It's only four days. -Want anything special for dinner? Hmm. How about that brown sugar meat loaf you make? -Hmm. How about that brown sugar meat loaf you make? Okay. -Franny? Hmm? -Hmm? I just want to say... I know you had your own dreams. I'm sorry I couldn't give them to you. I love you so much. -Are you seeing Betty tonight? Nah. -Okay. What's her name? -What's her name? Betty. -Betty. What's she like? -What's she like? Okay. -Uh... Yeah. Yeah. She's real nice. Well, what's nice about her? Tell us! -Well, what's nice about her? Tell us! Well, she's... she's real pretty and ... and she's got a cute shape... she's a good sport, ya know, for laughs and ... she loves fried chicken wings and beer. -Well, she's... she's real pretty and ... and she's got a cute shape... she's a good sport, ya know, for laughs and ... she loves fried chicken wings and beer. Isn't that nice? You should bring her home to meet us! -Oh my God...! What happened? -What happened? I was paying the check. She ran outside. I told her to wait for me right here! Oh God, where is she? Rebecca! -Think for a second. Is there someplace she said she wanted to go? I don't remember! -About an hour ago. They're not going to find her! -They're not going to find her! Yes, they are. -Your mother left explicit instructions that she wished to be cremated. Cremated?! -When did she decide this? Apparently just before her death. -Apparently just before her death. Well, that's crazy. I don't know anybody who gets cremated. -It clearly states in the will -- I don't care what it says! Maybe Mama was delirious, you know. She didn't know what she was saying. If she wanted to be cremated, why the hell did she let dad buy two plots, huh? -I don't care what it says! Maybe Mama was delirious, you know. She didn't know what she was saying. If she wanted to be cremated, why the hell did she let dad buy two plots, huh? Well, she was very specific. She wanted her ashes to be thrown over Roseman Bridge. -Well, she was very specific. She wanted her ashes to be thrown over Roseman Bridge. WHAT! -Well, it was notarized, and witnessed by a Mrs. Lucy Delaney. Maybe you can ask her. Who the hell is Lucy Delaney? -Don't feed that dog. You people really don't like dogs. -You people really don't like dogs. Some holes can't be filled. Some hungers can't be satisfied. -Outta my way, boy. Cinnabar? I'm coming! Why don't you hang on and I'll see if she's here. -Why don't you hang on and I'll see if she's here. I know damn well she's there. -We can't go back there. Are you crazy? You saw -- It's the only way. It's possible your father may not be dead yet. -Your father was his best friend. He loved Jeremiah. So he must hate him the most of all now. He'll take his time. But even if it is too late. If your father is dead. It's not over. The door has to be closed. Well, close the fucking door by all means. But don't expect me to go down there and do it. -Well, close the fucking door by all means. But don't expect me to go down there and do it. I don't. -Hey, watcha doing with that dog? He yours, sir? -He yours, sir? Hell no! -Hell no! Then what do you care? -Then what do you care? Take my advice. And shoot that dog. Or let me. -Take my advice. And shoot that dog. Or let me. Alright. Yes sir. Anything you say. -Is it true? Yeah. He lived there. And died there, too. -Yeah. He lived there. And died there, too. Died there? How? -Died there? How? How the hell should I know? -Hey, kid. Yeah? -Yeah? Take my advice. Get the hell out of there. It's a bad place. Always has been. -We practically paying him for the privilege of playing his club. So what the hell's the good news? -Bones! How baddass is zat? This is the place for us. Patrick, you get platinum props, man. Platinum. Yeah, in the land of the blind the one eye'd are king. -Yeah, in the land of the blind the one eye'd are king. What's your problem with Crippled Dick? -What's your problem with Crippled Dick? Look around, this place is a dump! Naw, it'd have to work to be a dump. -Are you nuts? The man said just to use my imagination. Let's see...yeah, I get it. Potential. I can see it now. The first major urban theme park. Village Ghetto land. Kinda like Legoland, but made entirely from broken glass, hypodermic needles and crack vials. Totally E-ticket. -The man said just to use my imagination. Let's see...yeah, I get it. Potential. I can see it now. The first major urban theme park. Village Ghetto land. Kinda like Legoland, but made entirely from broken glass, hypodermic needles and crack vials. Totally E-ticket. Keep smokin', fool. -"You didn't hear that? ""Take him... "" Something. ""Bury him"" or..." Take who where? What you smokin'? -'S up? Nothing. Contact paranoia. Must be buggin' from hanging with you. -Ugh. Muchos moscos, man. This is too much. Just some flies. -Just some flies. "Some flies? I think this qualifies as way more than ""some.""" -Oh yeah, I guess this would be that space that was so perfect for a recording studio. Maurice, man, shut the fuck up. -Boys and girls, Moms and Dads. Children of all ages, I'd like you to meet... Jimmy Bones. What the hell you talking about? -What the hell you talking about? """This is the story of Jimmy Bones/Black as night and hard as stones/Gold plated deuce, like the King of Siam/Got his switchblade loose, and a diamond on his hand..."" There's the switchblade and there's the diamond. Don't know where the deuce is parked." -You think that's really him? Damn. It's so...fresh. -...Bones ol' Bones so mean and bad, whupped his mamma, shot his dad. Saw Bones ol' Bones on top of the hill. Rolling fat jays outta hundred dollar bills. -Can you take a little extended solo right about now, funk soul brotha? Go for it. -Looks like a damn graveyard round here. I'm telling you, this neighborhood is coming back. -Damn. That is the ugliest building I have ever seen. Naw. I think it's... I dunno. Something about it just buzzes me. -You want us to move in here? That's the only way we'll get the place fixed up in time. -You soundin' like the old man now. "I believe in you guys. You are the real shit. And you know it. Now I'm putting everything I got into this cuz I think we can make it happen, but you gotta put a little in too. Now all I""m asking is that everybody do their part. We'll move some shit in, and take shifts, or all crash together here --" -"I believe in you guys. You are the real shit. And you know it. Now I'm putting everything I got into this cuz I think we can make it happen, but you gotta put a little in too. Now all I""m asking is that everybody do their part. We'll move some shit in, and take shifts, or all crash together here --" Pat's right. It'll be fun. -Tia ain't a chick. She's family. And don't forget it. Let's get going. Go home, pick up what we need, then crash here. -Shit. Spooked? -No. Well, yeah. Maybe just a little. Yeah, there is a strange vibe here. -Where's the others? Maurice left. Tia's taking a bath. -Yeah, we can. Least till after this weekend. He ain't going nowhere. We'll deal with it then. Whatever, let's just get the hellout of here. -You sure got a way with women, bro. What happened up there? Damned if I know. -Where's the gangsta of love? Probably stoned out of his gourd in some corner. -Probably stoned out of his gourd in some corner. Well, go find his lazy ass. I scratch any more tonight I'm gonna have carpal tunnel syndrome. -You ain't going down there. Not alone. I'll go. Fine. But I'm bringing a couple of friends. -We can climb out. Climb out to where? -Climb out to where? Anywhere but here. -Is this Hell? Or just Hell-adjacent... -Don't poison your mind with that ghetto paranoia. That's all just ways of people justifying their own failure. Dad, the man has been lying to us for a hundred years. I mean, where is my forty acres and a mule? -Dad, the man has been lying to us for a hundred years. I mean, where is my forty acres and a mule? You wouldn't know a mule if it bit you in the ass. And personally, I don't need a mule. I got a Lexus. And nobody gave it to me -- -That's what? That's some terrible shit. -That's some terrible shit. Clean your mouth, or I will. Those boys had no business messing down there. Go places you're not meant to be -- that's what you get. -Clean your mouth, or I will. Those boys had no business messing down there. Go places you're not meant to be -- that's what you get. But that's your old hood, Pops. -But that's your old hood, Pops. Yeah, and it took some doing to get out of there. Just be glad I did and you can start life from here instead of down there. -Looking to score? Unh-unh, little brother. I got a natural high. A supernatural high. -Unh-unh, little brother. I got a natural high. A supernatural high. Hey, Eddie Mack don't like no wackos on his street. Go be Rain Man on some other bitch's block. -Hey, Eddie Mack don't like no wackos on his street. Go be Rain Man on some other bitch's block. Big Bad Eddie Mack? Got shit for brains and that's a fack. Hey-heh... -You tell my old friend Mackie, I'll be seeing him. Soon. Real soon. Wh-wh-whooo? -Wh-wh-whooo? Bones. -Yeah, we used to do the after-school b ball at Kenwood. What it is? What it will be. -You got a nice crib here. I do alright. Everybody's happy. -I do alright. Everybody's happy. But things change. You gotta think ahead. -What else? Money. It ain't the money - it's the high. The big fat floating 'what if?' And it's way more profitable. Nobody ever wins. So you never have to pay out. -It ain't the money - it's the high. The big fat floating 'what if?' And it's way more profitable. Nobody ever wins. So you never have to pay out. But a two dollar bet is cheaper than a twenty-dollar bag. -But a two dollar bet is cheaper than a twenty-dollar bag. Yeah, but I ain't talking horse. I'm talking about a five-dollar kick in the head that's a quick ticket to heaven. And the fools keep coming back for more. -Yeah, but I ain't talking horse. I'm talking about a five-dollar kick in the head that's a quick ticket to heaven. And the fools keep coming back for more. Those 'fools' are my people. -Those 'fools' are my people. Ain't no big thang. It's just a po' man's free base. Here, check it out. -I ain't interested. And if you gonna sell it, don't sell it round here. Just try it. -Just try it. I said, no thanks. -I said, no thanks. Go on. It won't kill you. -Maybe I oughtta get there a little early. For good luck. Don't need luck tonight. I'm just letting 'em have their say before I say no. -Don't need luck tonight. I'm just letting 'em have their say before I say no. Let me see your hand. -Let me see your hand. "All that shinin' and ""reader and adviser"" mess. That was your mama's bag. I don't know about the readin' but you both can sure 'nuff advise." -"All that shinin' and ""reader and adviser"" mess. That was your mama's bag. I don't know about the readin' but you both can sure 'nuff advise." My mama's bag and my granma's bag, and a long line of mamas before her. -My mama's bag and my granma's bag, and a long line of mamas before her. Sounds like mama needs a brand new bag. -Left hand's the past. Your right's the present. And the future. But it's not written in stone. It's written in flesh and blood. And flesh and blood will change. See? There's something here, a new line, right across your life line. Must be my clothes line. No? How bout my phone line? -Must be my clothes line. No? How bout my phone line? No baby. I'm serious. Cancel that meeting. I got more fruit that needs checking. Come home with me now. -No baby. I'm serious. Cancel that meeting. I got more fruit that needs checking. Come home with me now. Don't you worry about a thing. This hand's gonna be stroking the back of your neck tonight. -Gotta be an in-ey and gotta be smooth. If it's ragged, it was picked too soon. Won't ever be ripe. Second, it's got to have just a little give, here. At the edges. And last, but not very far from least... You gotta get your nose in it and give it a gooooood, looooong sniff. I don't know whether to chill you and serve with cottage cheese, or rip you open and eat you right here. -No? That mean there's something more left of you than just that hungry spirit? What are you going to do now? Kill us? Kill us all? No. Not...not you. You I forgive. -Jimmy, you've got -- I've got what I want. Turn around baby, look at me. Look at your man. -I want you to do something for me, baby. What? -Where are we, baby? Where we'll always be... -Where we'll always be... But. -But. Hush, baby. -'Sup Jimmy B. Shotgun. Get back on the curb! Now! Go easy on Jay Bird. I can remember when we was his age... -It's all arranged for tonight. Eddie Mack's gonna be there. And Offisa Korruptsky, too. They get about twelve and a half minutes. Tops. -They get about twelve and a half minutes. Tops. Trust me, Jimmy, there's big money behind this. Not just big. BIG. Like big business big. Big corporation big. Big government big. Our little acre alone'll net hundreds a thousands. Nothing but net. -Trust me, Jimmy, there's big money behind this. Not just big. BIG. Like big business big. Big corporation big. Big government big. Our little acre alone'll net hundreds a thousands. Nothing but net. Nothing but net? Could be a swish. Or a muthafucking air ball. -Nothing but net? Could be a swish. Or a muthafucking air ball. One simple word, three little letters. Yes. That's all it's gonna take and we could move out of this dump, get the real deal. Big houses, legit business... -One simple word, three little letters. Yes. That's all it's gonna take and we could move out of this dump, get the real deal. Big houses, legit business... That's your dream, Homes. Not mine. I don't want to leave this street. Ever. The status quo is totally cool with me. -Hey Jimmy, you know Eddie Mack, don't you? We met. -Everybody just be cool. Jimmy, man, I think you oughtta hear the deal. I don't need to hear the deal. I don't need any partners. I don't need new product. And I sure as hell don't need this motherfucker's 'mattie in my face. -Sorry, my brother. Since we was just grasshoppers... -Since we was just grasshoppers... You always told me, it's a dog eat dog world. -What it will be. How did you get in here? -How did you get in here? Time like this, is that what you really want to know? How I got the fuck in here? -I don't understand it. You were my Man. Since we was grasshoppas. I always looked after you. You had a piece of everything I had. I didn't want a piece of yours, I wanted my own. -I didn't want a piece of yours, I wanted my own. And the hell everybody else, right? -Wait, Jimmy. Think about it. You woulda done the same thing if you was me. No brother. I wouldn'ta. I never done a man - any man. Let alone a brother like that. Course, as you can see, no good deed goes unfucked. Now the question is, if the good get fucked, what we got saved up for the bad? You about to find out. -What will it take? What do you want? Just tell me, Jimmy! Aw that's easy. I want my life back. Can you swing that, my brother? -Aw that's easy. I want my life back. Can you swing that, my brother? You know I can't. -You know I can't. Then fuck it!!! -Aren't you going to join us? I have to finish this for class. -I have to finish this for class. You got a vision, girl. Just like I got. Just like my momma had. And the good Lord didn't give you that vision just for painting pretty pictures. That's just wasted time. -You got a vision, girl. Just like I got. Just like my momma had. And the good Lord didn't give you that vision just for painting pretty pictures. That's just wasted time. You mean as opposed to your life? -I'm sorry, Momma. Maybe next time. I don't want you meeting around that house. You stay away from those kids. And away from that dog. -I don't want you meeting around that house. You stay away from those kids. And away from that dog. They seemed alright. Bring a little life to that old building. -They seemed alright. Bring a little life to that old building. Nothing but a wide world o' pain locked in there. -Nothing but a wide world o' pain locked in there. Have you ever been inside? -Have you ever been inside? Maybe once upon a time. But that was long ago. Back before... before it became what it is. -Maybe once upon a time. But that was long ago. Back before... before it became what it is. And what's that? -And what's that? Just a bad place. And the doorway to worse. -...I've seen things. In there. Last night. You did too. Don't tell me you didn't. You were crying like a baby. You said the vision, the images. They're just that. Just pictures. They can't hurt you. That's what you always said. -You said the vision, the images. They're just that. Just pictures. They can't hurt you. That's what you always said. I lied. -I lied. All the more reason I should be here. -All the more reason I should be here. Please. It's for your own good. -Please. It's for your own good. You said bad things hurt places. So maybe good things heal them. Good things are happening here. Maybe for the first time ever. And maybe that's all it takes. -It's alright, baby. Who was he, Momma? He tried to kill us. -Who was he, Momma? He tried to kill us. If he was trying to kill you, you'd be dead. -If he was trying to kill you, you'd be dead. Who? Who is he? What is he? -Who? Who is he? What is he? Your father. He was your father. -You got his hands. Beautiful hands. I didn't even know. That night. When they - we - killed him, that you were already alive inside me. Life's like that. Grows right out of death. But if it's him. If he's really come back, won't he know us? Love us? -But if it's him. If he's really come back, won't he know us? Love us? Sure, if it was really him. But it isn't that simple. Jimmy's body died a long time ago. And his soul is long gone, and all that's left is that ravening, hungry spirit in the blood that soaked into the house itself, I suppose. -Sure, if it was really him. But it isn't that simple. Jimmy's body died a long time ago. And his soul is long gone, and all that's left is that ravening, hungry spirit in the blood that soaked into the house itself, I suppose. But how do you know? Maybe he just wanted to see us? And now he's gone again. And you've all killed my father for the second time. -He'll kill them. He'll kill every last one of them. Who? -Who? Eddie Mack, that cop. And Jeremiah. And even when he's done, who knows. He won't be satisfied. Just like that demon dog. Feed it, and it just grows hungrier. Feed his hunger for revenge - he just wants more. Who knows where it'll stop. That kind of hunger ain't never satisfied. -Eddie Mack, that cop. And Jeremiah. And even when he's done, who knows. He won't be satisfied. Just like that demon dog. Feed it, and it just grows hungrier. Feed his hunger for revenge - he just wants more. Who knows where it'll stop. That kind of hunger ain't never satisfied. Aren't you gonna do something about it? -Aren't you gonna do something about it? Like what? I got a little power, sure. A touch of the shining, a little of the sight. But no more than you do. We're not witches. I can't wiggle my nose or say a magic word and make him go away. Besides, maybe they deserve it. Maybe we all do. -Like what? I got a little power, sure. A touch of the shining, a little of the sight. But no more than you do. We're not witches. I can't wiggle my nose or say a magic word and make him go away. Besides, maybe they deserve it. Maybe we all do. I don't. Patrick doesn't. And his brother and sister don't. And they're in the house with him. -I don't. Patrick doesn't. And his brother and sister don't. And they're in the house with him. Fine. Maybe I got nothing to lose. 'Cept you. -We'll have to sneak in. No we won't, Momma. I'll just have them call and tell Patrick it's us. -No we won't, Momma. I'll just have them call and tell Patrick it's us. Girl, they build gates like that to keep people like us out. -Told you so. Alright. We tried. Let's go home. Mother! No. -In his grave there was a cloth or a dress or something. Covered with blood. My God. My dress. We have to find it. And burn it. And shut the door. -no really, let us help. We're new in the neighborhood, gonna be neighbors. You moved into this block? -Are they on the radio? Naw. But they will be. They're the best. -Naw. But they will be. They're the best. How do you know? -How do you know? I manage them. -Guess it's not Rossmore Park. Thanks for the help. Anytime. Be seeing you. -Careful. That's bad luck. That place is already bad luck. -That place is already bad luck. Why? -Why? No. It goes way back. Or so my Momma says. -No. It goes way back. Or so my Momma says. What else does she say? -What else does she say? Nothing. You'd think she was crazy. And she is a lot of things, not all of them nice, but crazy Momma's not. -Nothing. You'd think she was crazy. And she is a lot of things, not all of them nice, but crazy Momma's not. Way I figure, everything our parents tell us is part true and part total B.S. And our whole job is figuring out for ourselves which is which. -Way I figure, everything our parents tell us is part true and part total B.S. And our whole job is figuring out for ourselves which is which. My momma says every house is two houses. Every street, two streets. There's a whole city, a whole world, kinda beside, on top, just below this one. The city of the dead. -My momma says every house is two houses. Every street, two streets. There's a whole city, a whole world, kinda beside, on top, just below this one. The city of the dead. Like right now, there's actually like hordes of dead people shambling around us? Fingers rotting off? -Like right now, there's actually like hordes of dead people shambling around us? Fingers rotting off? Maybe. But there's an invisible wall, a fabric that kinda keeps things separate. -Maybe. But there's an invisible wall, a fabric that kinda keeps things separate. Lucky thing. -Lucky thing. Yeah. But when something bad happens, something really bad -- the wall breaks. The fabric tears. -Yeah. But when something bad happens, something really bad -- the wall breaks. The fabric tears. The dead get out? -The dead get out? Or the living fall in. Who knows. -Or the living fall in. Who knows. And you believe her? -And you believe her? If I did, I wouldn't come within fifty yards of your door. -Cinn? What? Oh yeah. Coming. -She doesn't want me here. With you. In this house. Believe me, my old man'd rupture his spleen if he knew we was down here. All he talks about is the medal he deserves for building us a life as far from this 'hood as possible. -Believe me, my old man'd rupture his spleen if he knew we was down here. All he talks about is the medal he deserves for building us a life as far from this 'hood as possible. He probably thinks he's saving you from something. I'm sure that's what my mother thinks. -He probably thinks he's saving you from something. I'm sure that's what my mother thinks. I'm sure I can make your mother like me. But then do I gotta worry 'bout your father? -I can't. Not yet. It's alright. If you want to go home... -It's alright. If you want to go home... No, I want to stay with you guys. But I can't. I mean I'm not ready. -No, I want to stay with you guys. But I can't. I mean I'm not ready. Don't worry about it. I'll stay with the boys. -Why couldn't you just tell him to let us in? My old man calls the shots. He built that gate and these damn walls. -I'm here. Bill! Bill?! -Bill! Bill?! Patrick, he's... -Patrick, he's... Okay, okay. Listen: -Here, find my hand. The stairs are right near here. I saw them. Let's just walk up there. I can't find you. -I can't find you. Here! -We gotta jump! I can't! -We're here. Where the hell are you? Back here. At the end of the block. -You got the cash? You got the shit? -You got the shit? Yeah, but you got to come the rest of the way on foot. Leave your car and walk over here. -Let me see it. Let me see it. -Let me see it. Where is it? -Where is it? I can't carry it in my pocket, man. And I can't go get it for you cause you might be a cop. You gonna have to pick it up yourself. -Don't worry. It's just round the corner. Halfway down that block, you can't miss it. Top step of the front stairs, there's a loose stone. Go on, I ain't shitting you. Fuck it. Alright. -But maybe we're the ones who should be down there. Doing something. Making it better. Can't be done. That place already died and gone to hell. -Where are we going? You know I hate surprises. A little business move I made. On my own. I think you're gonna approve. -What are we doing down here? Like you always said, Pop, look for the undervalued. -Listen to me, boy. I didn't work all my life to get out of this neighborhood for you to move right back in! I thought you'd be psyched. Just trying to do what you did. Take nothing and make something out of it. -I thought you'd be psyched. Just trying to do what you did. Take nothing and make something out of it. No one'll ever come here. Shut it down. Don't worry, the bank'll buy it back. I'll take care of it. -No one'll ever come here. Shut it down. Don't worry, the bank'll buy it back. I'll take care of it. You'll take care of it? Not this time. No way. I bought it fair and square. And we open tonight. -You'll take care of it? Not this time. No way. I bought it fair and square. And we open tonight. Bullshit! Bullshit!! You're selling it back! That's an order! -Did you do it? Sure, son. I went down there and torched the place myself. -Sure, son. I went down there and torched the place myself. You could have had it done. You didn't want us there. -You could have had it done. You didn't want us there. I wouldn't have risked killing you to get you out. I was trying to protect you. -I wouldn't have risked killing you to get you out. I was trying to protect you. From what? -Why? Why did you give a shit about the building? Why did you care that we were there of all places? It's...it's a bad neighborhood. As you can see now. -It's...it's a bad neighborhood. As you can see now. Bullshit, Dad. Don't front me. For once. Just tell me the truth. I came from there, too. -Bullshit, Dad. Don't front me. For once. Just tell me the truth. I came from there, too. You were just a kid. -You were just a kid. I saw your face. You knew that place. You knew those people. -I saw your face. You knew that place. You knew those people. That's the past. It's dead. -That's the past. It's dead. Dead? I don't think your past is dead. It's alive. And it bites. -Please...help me... Dad? -Help me. I'm so sorry. But please, help me... Daddy? -What the hell do you want? Just a visit with my old pal, Jay-bird. -Just a visit with my old pal, Jay-bird. Don't call me that. -You certainly traded up. ...the trophy wife. Nice lookin'. Keep your hands to yourself, willya? -Keep your hands to yourself, willya? I been watching you. You done good. Invested wisely. Respectable businessman now. Just like you always wanted. -I been watching you. You done good. Invested wisely. Respectable businessman now. Just like you always wanted. And you? Still a pig. Just a much fatter one. -And you? Still a pig. Just a much fatter one. No reason to get nasty. Yeah, I've stayed in the organization. But then again I never got the percentage you did. -No reason to get nasty. Yeah, I've stayed in the organization. But then again I never got the percentage you did. Or you didn't know what to do with it. -Or you didn't know what to do with it. Maybe so. Maybe so. But that ain't why I came to see you. You sold the building. -Maybe so. Maybe so. But that ain't why I came to see you. You sold the building. What building? -What building? Don't shit a shitter. Our building. What did you call it? His 'tomb'? We had an agreement. You were supposed to sit on it. Not sell it -- -Don't shit a shitter. Our building. What did you call it? His 'tomb'? We had an agreement. You were supposed to sit on it. Not sell it -- I didn't sell it. -I didn't sell it. Well, somebody bought it. That's what I heard. -You're right. One of my associates sold the building last month. That's a Bozo no-no. Jay-bird. -That's a Bozo no-no. Jay-bird. Look, even if anyone found anything there, it's twenty years ago. They could never connect it to us. -Look, even if anyone found anything there, it's twenty years ago. They could never connect it to us. You better hope not. Cause it's like they say, four can keep a secret, if three are dead. -Nice rack. How old is -- That's it. Get out. Now! -No way man... You cut him, or I shoot you. Make your choice. -Not your style. Is it Eddie? Killing off your customers? I ain't killed nobody. Shall I rack 'em? Play a game, Lupe? -I ain't killed nobody. Shall I rack 'em? Play a game, Lupe? No time for eightball. I got your tip. -Fair enough for the shit. But I think a little bonus is due for knocking out the competition. You was just doing your job. -You was just doing your job. Last thing you need's for me to start doing my fucking job. -What it is? What it will be, muthafucka. Now you. -I know it. The old slaughterhouse. Hey, Sal. That little weasel we popped today? He's got something for us. I knew he would once he thought about it. Shit, that was fast. -Shit, that was fast. 12-year olds. They scare easy. Anyway, he's gonna tip their stash. Come with me. -12-year olds. They scare easy. Anyway, he's gonna tip their stash. Come with me. I'm on my way home. Can you handle it yourself? -I'm on my way home. Can you handle it yourself? Oh, no. Please don't make me go by myself. I'm scaaaaaaaaaared. -Oh, no. Please don't make me go by myself. I'm scaaaaaaaaaared. Fuckin' comedian. See you tomorrow. -Goddamnit! How many times I told you -- We got a gift for you, Eddie. Fresh new BMW. -We got a gift for you, Eddie. Fresh new BMW. That you stole off those white boys was down here last night? Are you crazy? Everybody from hell to breakfast heard that screamin' on Blackstone last night! -That you stole off those white boys was down here last night? Are you crazy? Everybody from hell to breakfast heard that screamin' on Blackstone last night! But -- -But -- How many times I told you, no psycho shit. There gonna be psycho shit, I'm the one that does it. -We just thought... No more thoughts from your asses. Or I will burn your asses and snort the ashes. Hear me? -We didn't do nothing, Eddie. You gon tell me you didn't ginsu those punks and steal their ride? -You gon tell me you didn't ginsu those punks and steal their ride? That's all we did, steal their ride. -That's all we did, steal their ride. Get that car the hell away from here, now! I spend a lot of money to keep the cops cool. But this is the kinda shit that pisses everybody off. -You boys been hitting the pipe? No, Eddie. It's just that, I dunno. He was tall, and thin, and like a shadow, his face was just a blur. All I remember is the voice. It was smooth and low and it didn't seem to be comin' out of his mouth. -No, Eddie. It's just that, I dunno. He was tall, and thin, and like a shadow, his face was just a blur. All I remember is the voice. It was smooth and low and it didn't seem to be comin' out of his mouth. Then how'd you hear it, fool? -Then how'd you hear it, fool? It was just like in my head. -It was just like in my head. Maybe I oughta open a couple holes in that head and let all them voices out. You'll feel better, I promise. -I just accelerated my top secret long term plan for our world domination. "Sqweeep. We innerup this programme to bring you this special news bulletin -- ""Aliens from Reticula 3 have hijacked Patrick Peet and injected moly headcheese into his skull filling his entire brain cavity with cosmic slop...""" -"Sqweeep. We innerup this programme to bring you this special news bulletin -- ""Aliens from Reticula 3 have hijacked Patrick Peet and injected moly headcheese into his skull filling his entire brain cavity with cosmic slop...""" I was planning on waiting until I got the place cleaned out, but -- like the man says, carpe diem. -And damp, too. Let's not forget damp. Whattaya think? Can you picture it? Over there the bar, and in here -- the dance floor. -Jimmy Bones? Yeah, you heard of him? -Yeah, you heard of him? You haven't? -You haven't? Not that I remember. -Not that I remember. "He was a local legend back in the '70's. There was a song, Stagolee kinda deal: ""This is the ballad of Jimmy Bones/Black as night and hard as stone...""" -"He was a local legend back in the '70's. There was a song, Stagolee kinda deal: ""This is the ballad of Jimmy Bones/Black as night and hard as stone...""" I was born near here. My dad's from here. He never mentioned it. -You gotta use your imagination. """This is Patrick..."" ""...And this is Patrick on crack."" Imagination, my butt. Even the space cowboy can't..." -"""This is Patrick..."" ""...And this is Patrick on crack."" Imagination, my butt. Even the space cowboy can't..." Why don't y'all check out the rest? I'm going downstairs and see if I can get the furnace fired up. Warm this place up, you'll see. It has serious potential. -Why don't y'all check out the rest? I'm going downstairs and see if I can get the furnace fired up. Warm this place up, you'll see. It has serious potential. Potential toxic dump site. -Yeah right, and which ever of us is still alive at the end of the week inherits all Vincent Price's cash. Look, you guys want to play college radio, high school reunions, and some fool's club once a week for the rest of your lives, that's cool. But I think we can do better. -I thought you were bringing the Colonel? The Gangster of Love don't eat no fried chicken. -The Gangster of Love don't eat no fried chicken. Why not? He eats everything else. -Why not? He eats everything else. "Just what army do you think the Colonel was in? Everybody knows the whole chicken distribution network is owned by the Klan. ""Special recipe"". I'm telling you. There's something in the batter. Say it makes a black man sterile." -Maurice, even if it was true, what are you worried about? Last time I checked, you weren't black. I'm not sure what the hell you are. But I know you aren't a black man. I am the future. I am all colors. All races. All creeds. I am the melting pot. I am the tossed salad. I am post racial. -I am the future. I am all colors. All races. All creeds. I am the melting pot. I am the tossed salad. I am post racial. Post-toasted's more like it. -"""Like a heartbeat/Like a love beat."" Listen to the Di Franco twins there. Just the plumbing or something, fool." Maybe there's a pipe underneath the floor. It leaked and stained. -And some people need their medication tweaked. I'm not joking boy. Don't feed it. It'll only make it hungrier. -Need any help with those bags, Ma'am? No thanks. -Not really to live, just to play. That building? -That building? Gonna be le hot shit. Pardon my Francais. Dance club. The Resurrection Brothers play there. Heard of them? -Gonna be le hot shit. Pardon my Francais. Dance club. The Resurrection Brothers play there. Heard of them? Should I? -You look mighty familiar to me. You sure you're not from around here? I was born near here. But after my mother died, my dad moved. I grew up out in Rossmore Park. -I was born near here. But after my mother died, my dad moved. I grew up out in Rossmore Park. You're pretty black to be growing up in Rossmore Park. -You sure we oughta save him? Why not just let see how safe his gates and walls keep him when his past comes calling? Save him? What are you talking about? -... see there ain't just two parts to a person. There's three. Body-Soul and Spirit. The spirit lives in the blood. It's the wanting that holds body and soul together, and sometimes, the wanting lives on. Jimmy's blood must still be in the house. But the place burned to the ground. -But the place burned to the ground. The blood is still there. We just gotta figure out where. -It's not safe down there. The fire started down there. The whole thing could collapse. Then your father's a dead man and Jimmy Bones is gonna be around a long time. -Well, the bad news is we only made 25 bucks each. How could that be? The box was packed! -How could that be? The box was packed! Moe's terms. -Illibent? Who's club is that? Ours! -There wasn't any draft. That window was closed. We're all tired. Everybody makes mistakes. Tomorrow in the daylight, everything's gonna look different. -Boy, put that thing down. You can't take that. Might be evidence. Evidence of what? -Evidence of what? Somehow I don't think he stabbed himself in the chest, then buried himself too. -Shit! Damn dog. We gonna have to do something about you. What we have to do is call the police. -Whoa, whoa. Come on, he's making too much noise. You hear that, bitch? Be quiet! -You hear that, bitch? Be quiet! Here, put this in his mouth. -You shouldn't have hit me. You want to get into this now? -You want to get into this now? No, no, Caesar. Not now. -Glenlivet, right, Gino? I'll have whatever Violet's drinking. -So Caesar, what did it total out at? Two point one seventy-six. -Come on, Pop, all I want to know is one thing. Just one thing after he made such a big deal out of it. I bet it wasn't a big deal. Was it, Caesar? What's that, Johnnie? -What's that, Johnnie? The money I bet it was nothing to get it clean, after you made such a fucking big deal ... -Where is this going, Johnnie? Just admit it, Caesar. -Just admit it, Caesar. Admit what? -Admit what? That you overreacted. That you lost it. Not me. It was your mistake. -That's right, I know. I fucking know. Know what? -Know what? Open the case! -Open the case! All right! Where's the key? -All right! Where's the key? You don't need a key. -How the fuck can I open it? The same way you did before. -The same way you did before. What are you talking about? -You don't think I'll do it, do you? I think you're fucking crazy! -I think you're fucking crazy! Where is it? -Where is it? Where's what? -Where's what? The money! -The money! Caesar, I don't know what you're thinking here, but if you don't put down that gun -- -The next one blows off your dick. You're a dead man! A fucking dead man! -You're a dead man! A fucking dead man! Where is it? -We know how this was done, eh? Yeah, I know. -Caesar? What is this? Ask Johnnie! Ask your rat-fuck son! -Caesar! Gino, your son stole this money to set me up and I can prove it. Violet! -No, Gino! You aim a gun at me?! Do you know who I am?! I am Gino Marzzone. You understand? -Sit down, Gino! No, Caesar, gimme the gun. -No, Caesar, gimme the gun. Stay away! -We're family, Caesar. No! -No! Gimme the gun. -Gimme the gun. I can't. I can't. -I can't. I can't. Give it to me. -We make our own choices, we pay our own prices. All part of the business. -All part of the business. All part of the business. -I didn't expect -- What the fuck is going on? -Oh, shit ... Caesar, this is Corky. Corky, Caesar. -Caesar, this is Corky. Corky, Caesar. I'm sorry, Christ, I thought ... it's fucking dark in here. -She's doing the work herself. No shit. Bianchinni hired you? You know he's a good friend of mine. |Family, really. -So, you just got out? Jesus, Caesar! -Jesus, Caesar! What? It ain't no big fuckin' deal. I know who Don hires. Did you know he did time himself? -Not bad. What for? That's none of your goddamn business, Caesar. -That's none of your goddamn business, Caesar. You're right. You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. I just hope you understand you're among good people here. -Caesar, I'm leaving. What? Oh, come on, I didn't use one of the good towels. -Caesar, I'm serious. This is too much. I have to get out of here. Why? 'Cause you know him? -Caesar, what happened? It was unbelievable! Un-fucking- believable! -Just look at this mess I got to deal with. What are you going to do with it? -What are you going to do with it? I told them to run it through the cycles. But I guess Gino has plans for it because he's coming here tomorrow night to pick this shit up. -Where the hell's the laundry detergent? Ummm ... in the linen closet. -Fuck! Fuck! How did you ... Awwww goddammit! I'm sorry. It was an accident. -Don't worry, I'll get some more. There's no time. -There's no time. Don't be silly, Caesar. It'll take five minutes. -They were early. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? They just left, didn't they? -They just left, didn't they? What are you, drunk? -You mean they weren't up here? No! They're still on their way. -No! They're still on their way. That doesn't make any sense. -That doesn't make any sense. Why? -Why? Because I just saw Johnnie downstairs. -What? I was getting out of the car when I saw him in the Mercedes. -I was getting out of the car when I saw him in the Mercedes. It couldn't have been. -It couldn't have been. It was him. I'm positive. -It was him. I'm positive. It's impossible! -It's impossible! Caesar, I know Johnnie. It was him. I screamed when I saw him. I couldn't believe I missed them. I knew you were going to be upset so I thought I'd apologize and give Gino the Scotch. I honked a couple of times but he didn't stop. -Why? Why would Johnnie do this? Jesus Christ, Violet! Open your fucking eyes! Johnnie hates me like I hate him! -I hate that little fuck! I hate him! I hate him! I should've done him! But you know he did it. -But you know he did it. So what?! So fucking what? Use your head, Violet. The money is gone. Gino is coming here to get it. You think he's going to believe me if I tell him his piss-hole son stole it! Is that what you think? I don't. You know what I think? I think I'm a dead man. I'm one in the brain. That's what I think! -So what?! So fucking what? Use your head, Violet. The money is gone. Gino is coming here to get it. You think he's going to believe me if I tell him his piss-hole son stole it! Is that what you think? I don't. You know what I think? I think I'm a dead man. I'm one in the brain. That's what I think! Caesar, what are we going to do? -Got to think this through ... Caesar, maybe we should run -- -Caesar, maybe we should run -- Violet, please! -Violet, please! I mean it, Caesar, forget Johnnie, forget the money, let's just go now, before it's too late -- -I mean it, Caesar, forget Johnnie, forget the money, let's just go now, before it's too late -- Goddammit, Violet! Would you just leave me the fuck alone! Please! Leave! Now! -Goddammit, Violet! Would you just leave me the fuck alone! Please! Leave! Now! All right, Caesar. -I got it! I know what I got to do! I got to get the money. The money? The money's gone. -The money? The money's gone. No. Johnnie's got it. All I got to do is get it back. -No. Johnnie's got it. All I got to do is get it back. But it could be anywhere. -But it could be anywhere. He didn't have that much time. He had to pick up Gino. I bet you he's got it with him. I bet it's in the car. -He didn't see you, did he? No. -No. See, right now he doesn't know that I know, that's why he put the paper in the case. He wants me to hand the case to Gino. Then there is no doubt it was me. Gino will put a bullet in me himself. But it ain't going to happen. I won't let it! Johnnie ain't going to fuck me! Not like this! No way! -See, right now he doesn't know that I know, that's why he put the paper in the case. He wants me to hand the case to Gino. Then there is no doubt it was me. Gino will put a bullet in me himself. But it ain't going to happen. I won't let it! Johnnie ain't going to fuck me! Not like this! No way! This is insane! -You can't leave. The hell I can't! -The hell I can't! I need you ... -I need you ... Bullshit! You don't need me! You've never needed me! I can't help you! Understand?! I have to get out. -Bullshit! You don't need me! You've never needed me! I can't help you! Understand?! I have to get out. Violet, I won't let you leave. -If you're not with me, Violet, then I have to assume you're against me. Caesar, this is crazy. -Caesar, this is crazy. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Maybe you dropped the Scotch by accident. Maybe you didn't. -It would have been so easy to let him in as you went out. You don't, you can't believe that ... -You don't, you can't believe that ... I've seen the way he looks at you. He's always wanted you. Maybe two million dollars finally bought you. -All right, Johnnie, you want to play it this way, I can play it this way. You want to know who made a mistake, why don't you open the case. Caesar ... -Caesar ... Shut up, Violet! This is between me and Johnnie. -Tell them! Tell them! For Christ's sake, Johnnie, do what he says. -... maybe three hours. Caesar, what are you going to do? -Caesar, what are you going to do? What do you think we're going to do? We have to find the money. -What do you think we're going to do? We have to find the money. What? -What? Once we have the money, then none of this ever happened. -Once we have the money, then none of this ever happened. Caesar, you just killed Gino Marzzone. -Caesar, you just killed Gino Marzzone. No I didn't. Not if his body disappears and not if the money is still here. Then they never showed up. -No I didn't. Not if his body disappears and not if the money is still here. Then they never showed up. What happened to them? -What happened to them? I don't know. We may never know, but I'm going to guess it was a job, maybe the Karpoli family. -Fuck. Caesar, what are we going to do? -Caesar, what are we going to do? They're just cops. Stall them as long as you can. -Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Caesar, someone could see us out here. -It's not here, Caesar. Where, then? -Where, then? I don't know. it could be anywhere. We don't even know if he was alone. Please, Caesar, we don't have much time. Let's get out of here. -What are you doing? We're going to need some time. -We're going to need some time. Who are you going to call? -I can use Johnnie's car, dump it in Lake Michigan ... I need plastic bags ... tape and rope ... Just hurry. -Where is the money? Don't tell him -- -Don't tell him -- Shut up, Violet! -Shut up, Violet! He can't kill you -- -Violet! Not until he has the money! -Stupid cunt! Caesar, stop acting like an asshole and think -- -Caesar, stop acting like an asshole and think -- Don't try to tell me what to do. -Don't try to tell me what to do. You need the money just like we do. -You need the money just like we do. Shut up, Violet. -Shut up, Violet. Let us go and we'll make a deal. -What did she do to you? Everything you couldn't. -I saved you. Ha! What a load of crap. Look at yourself, Caesar. You're a thug. |You launder money for the mob. You rent women like you rented this apartment. -Saved me? You don't even know me. You used me, Caesar, just like I used you. All part of the business. You betrayed me! -You betrayed me! You murdered Gino! -You murdered Gino! I had to. You made me. -I had to. You made me. Bullshit, you killed him. Not me. You did it because you couldn't stand the thought of Johnnie fucking you. -Bullshit, you killed him. Not me. You did it because you couldn't stand the thought of Johnnie fucking you. Shut up! -What? You're blowing your only chance. Act like I'm Gino. -Holy shit, I don't believe it! We've been going crazy over here, Gino! Good boy. -We were in a car accident -- They were in a car accident. -They were in a car accident. But everybody is all right. -But everybody is all right. They're all fine. Just bruises and shit. -They're all fine. Just bruises and shit. Now you listen to me, asshole, I know your gun is behind the bar ... -We make a deal or I come out and hand this phone to Mickey. I'm listening. -I want what's mine, half the money. We get rid of Mickey, no one else dies. No one. Say yes, I understand. Yes, I understand. -Yes, I understand. Tell them I'm at St. Mary's off the Kennedy, in the waiting room, but stay on the phone until I come out. -Tell them I'm at St. Mary's off the Kennedy, in the waiting room, but stay on the phone until I come out. Sure, Gino, sure. -Now that's teamwork. I should have let him kill you. -I should have let him kill you. You know he would have done you, too. -You know he would have done you, too. I knew I couldn't trust you. -Caesar, don't. What are you going to do, V? Shoot me? Kill me in cold blood? I don't think so. I'll tell you why. If you had it in you to pull that trigger, you would have done it a long time ago. If I was you, I would have killed me the minute I brought the money home. But you didn't and I know why, because you don't want to kill me. Do you, V? Do you? No, I know you don't. -What are you going to do, V? Shoot me? Kill me in cold blood? I don't think so. I'll tell you why. If you had it in you to pull that trigger, you would have done it a long time ago. If I was you, I would have killed me the minute I brought the money home. But you didn't and I know why, because you don't want to kill me. Do you, V? Do you? No, I know you don't. Caesar, you don't know shit. -How's it going tonight, fellas? Pretty good, sir. -Fuck, this happened before. It's this shitty ear. Born with it. The batteries wore out in my aid. I'm sorry. It's all right, sir. -Not on duty, sorry. Oh, right. -I'm going to make myself a drink, if that's okay? Go right ahead, sir. -Try to keep the extra batteries for your aid around. Good idea. -You planned this whole thing, didn't you? Where's the fucking money? -You're helping Rajeev? No. Rajeev's in India. -How many'd you do? Five. -Good. I hate to worry. I got ulcers. I should be going. -I should be going. What? How about a drink? -What? How about a drink? My brushes, I have to clean my brushes. Thanks, though. -My brushes, I have to clean my brushes. Thanks, though. Another time. -Another time. Sure. -Now, where the fuck is my money? Lick me. -Lick me. Where is it? -Where is it? Either pull the trigger or get that thing out of my face. -I'm going to ask you where the money is. Every time you don't give me an answer, I'm going to cut off one finger. No. -No. When I reach ten, then I'll start with you. -You can't kill me yet. Why? -Why? I could be lying. -Now why don't you go watch some TV or something? Are you okay, Violet? -Are you okay, Violet? Mickey, why is Johnnie here? You know how I feel about that fucking psycho. -Caesar, didn't I tell you to get something? Sure, Mickey. Sure. -Yeah? Hey, Mickey. -Mick, I know it's late, but there is a problem. They haven't shown up yet. What? They ain't there? -What? They ain't there? No. I don't know where they are. I even called over at Johnnie's, but no answer. -No. I don't know where they are. I even called over at Johnnie's, but no answer. Okay. Let me call around. I'll see what I can do. Don't go anywhere, okay? -Okay. Let me call around. I'll see what I can do. Don't go anywhere, okay? Okay, sure, Mick. -Okay, sure, Mick. Caesar, you still got the money? -Yeah, Mick. I've got the money. I'm staring right at it. Good. Sit tight. I'll call you. -No, Cease. There was no answer. I thought I heard someone knocking. -I thought I heard someone knocking. I was buzzing, I was knocking, but I guess you couldn't hear me on account of being in the shower. -I was buzzing, I was knocking, but I guess you couldn't hear me on account of being in the shower. Yeah, it was Violet's idea. I was so wound up about Gino, she was trying to help me relax. -Yeah, it was Violet's idea. I was so wound up about Gino, she was trying to help me relax. That Violet is one nice lady. Wish someone would help me relax. -That Violet is one nice lady. Wish someone would help me relax. Shit, Mick, come on in, let me get you a drink. Sit down, Lou. -We was worried about you, Cease. Me? Why? -Me? Why? We went over to Johnnie's place just to check it out and it was busted up, Bad. -I started thinking maybe it's about the money so I call you, but all I get is the busy signal. I figure the phone is off the hook, that's why I come rushing over here. Oh Christ, the phone ... That was a fucking stupid thing to do, wasn't it? -Oh Christ, the phone ... That was a fucking stupid thing to do, wasn't it? Hey, if Violet was helping me relax, I'd probably do the same thing. -Cease, can I ask you something? Yeah. -Yeah. Why'd you move all the furniture around? -Actually, yeah, she was nervous about Gino coming, wanted everything to look right. You know women, Mick. Sure, Cease. They make us do stupid things, don't they. -Is that the money? Yeah, that's it. -Hey, Caesar, where's the key? The key, yeah, the key's in my pants in the bathroom. -The key, yeah, the key's in my pants in the bathroom. Fuck it, I don't need the key. -It's Gino! It's Gino! Where in the hell is he? -Un-fucking-believable. I called those highway patrol dumb fucks. Ssh! I can't hear Gino! -You got the key? Oh yeah. Violet! -Call me as soon as you get him. Leave your phone on the hook. -Hello? This is the police, ma'am. -We had a report of gunfire, so if you could -- Gunfire? Is this a joke? -No joke, ma'am. Please open the door. How do I know you are cops? -Ma'am, you have to open the door. All right. -See? We're for real. I'm sorry, it's just you hear stories. -I'm sorry, it's just you hear stories. You did the right thing. -This is a beautiful place. ... thank you. -Hi. My name is Violet. We sort of met in the elevator -- Yeah, sure. I'm Corky. -Yeah, sure. I'm Corky. I heard you working in here and I just wondered if you'd like a cup of coffee? -Who? Rajeev, the man who usually works on the building. -Rajeev, the man who usually works on the building. Oh, he went home to India, but as far as I know he'll be back. -So this is temporary for you? Pretty much. One day at a time. -I guessed you were straight black. Good guess. -Mmmm ... thanks, I needed this. My pleasure ... but to be honest, I did have a slightly ulterior motive here. I was wondering if I could ask a small favor? -My pleasure ... but to be honest, I did have a slightly ulterior motive here. I was wondering if I could ask a small favor? A favor? -A favor? Yeah, see, I'm kind of a night person, so I was wondering if it wasn't a terrible inconvenience if you could wait a bit before using power tools. -Yeah, see, I'm kind of a night person, so I was wondering if it wasn't a terrible inconvenience if you could wait a bit before using power tools. Oh, I'm sorry -- -Oh, I'm sorry -- No, it isn't your fault. The walls here are just so thin. -No, it isn't your fault. The walls here are just so thin. Are they really? -Are they really? Yes, it really causes problems. Sometimes it's like you're in the same room. But if it's too much trouble, I understand ... -Yes, it really causes problems. Sometimes it's like you're in the same room. But if it's too much trouble, I understand ... No, no trouble. There's other work to do. -No, no trouble. There's other work to do. You're doing everything yourself? -You're doing everything yourself? Yeah. -Yeah. That is so amazing. I'm in awe of people who can fix things. My dad was like that. We never had anything new. Whenever something broke he would open it up, tinker with it and it would work. His hands were magic. -Truck. Truck. Of course. -Truck. Of course. '63 Chevy. -'63 Chevy. I knew it. -I knew it. So, how do you know the owner, Mr. Bianchinni? -So, how do you know the owner, Mr. Bianchinni? I don't, really. I was referred to him. -I don't, really. I was referred to him. Oh, really. -Do you know him? No, but Caesar does. He likes him. Says he's a good Italian. -No, but Caesar does. He likes him. Says he's a good Italian. Caesar is your husband? -Caesar is your husband? Oh no, no. I'm not the marrying kind. -I should be going. You can drop the cup off anytime. Thanks. -Thanks. My pleasure. -Oh no. Shit. I didn't know he would call you. God, you must think |I'm a total nuisance. Not exactly. -Not exactly. I'm sorry, I usually would call Rajeev, but I didn't know what to do so I called Mr. Bianchinni. -I'm sorry, I usually would call Rajeev, but I didn't know what to do so I called Mr. Bianchinni. He said you lost something. -He said you lost something. Yeah, come on in. -I'm sorry, look, forget it. I shouldn't have called... I told Bianchinni I would take a look. Is it that sink? -Do you have a pot or a bucket? Sure. -Thank you so much. You have to let me pay you something -- No. Mr. Bianchinni asked me to do it. I did it. -Okay, one drink. What do you want? -What do you want? A beer? -A beer? A beer. Of course. -You seem uncomfortable. Do I make you nervous, Corky? No. -Curious, maybe. Curious? That's funny, I'm feeling a bit curious myself right now. -Are you surprised that I know what it is? Maybe. -Maybe. I have a tattoo, would you like to see it? -Isn't it obvious? I'm trying to seduce you. Why? -Why? Because I want to. I've wanted to since I first saw you in the elevator. -You dropped that earring down the drain on purpose, didn't you? If I say yes, will you take your hand away? -If I say yes, will you take your hand away? No. -No. ... yes. -I had to see you. Look, I don't think this is a good idea. -Look, I don't think this is a good idea. I wanted to apologize. -I wanted to apologize. Don't apologize, please. I can't stand women who apologize for wanting sex. -... I needed that. Tell me about it. -Caesar's Mafia, isn't he? You have to ask? -You have to ask? No. -No. "Funny, nobody calls it that anymore. Caesar calls it ""The |Business.""" -"Funny, nobody calls it that anymore. Caesar calls it ""The |Business.""" How did you meet him? -How did you meet him? They took over a club I was working at. Caesar started managing it. -They took over a club I was working at. Caesar started managing it. He's a launderer? -He's a launderer? Basically. -Basically. How long have you been with him? -How long have you been with him? Almost five years. -Almost five years. Five years is a long time. -Five years is a long time. Yes, it is. -The redistribution of wealth. What? -What? Isn't that what you wanted to know? What I did time for? -Isn't that what you wanted to know? What I did time for? The redistribution of wealth? -The redistribution of wealth? That's what I tell someone when I'm trying to get them in my bed. -That's what I tell someone when I'm trying to get them in my bed. I'm already in your bed. -I'm already in your bed. My cellmate would say she did her time for getting caught. She was always more honest than me. -You didn't have to tell me if you didn't want to. I guess I wanted to. -I guess I wanted to. I'm glad you did. -I'm glad you did. So am I. -What's wrong? Nothing. -Yes there is. I felt it this morning when I brought you the coffee. Shit, here we go. -Shit, here we go. You didn't want to see me, did you? -You didn't want to see me, did you? If there is one thing I can't stand about sleeping with women, it's all the fucking mind reading. -If there is one thing I can't stand about sleeping with women, it's all the fucking mind reading. What are you afraid of? -What are you afraid of? I'm not afraid of anything. -I'm not afraid of anything. I don't understand - ? -I don't understand - ? I know! You can't understand, because we're different, Violet. We're different. -I know! You can't understand, because we're different, Violet. We're different. We're not that different, Corky. -We're not that different, Corky. How can you sit in that bed and say that? -How can you sit in that bed and say that? Because it's the truth. -Because it's the truth. Let me guess. This is where you tell me that what matters is on the inside. That inside you, there is a little dyke just like me? -Let me guess. This is where you tell me that what matters is on the inside. That inside you, there is a little dyke just like me? Oh no, she's nothing like you. She's a lot smarter than you. -Oh no, she's nothing like you. She's a lot smarter than you. Is that what her daddy tells her? -Is that what her daddy tells her? I know what I am. I don't need to have it tattooed on my shoulder. -I know what I am. I don't need to have it tattooed on my shoulder. What are you saying? That you don't have sex with men? -What are you saying? That you don't have sex with men? I don't. -I don't. For Christ's sake, Violet! I heard you! Thin walls, remember? -For Christ's sake, Violet! I heard you! Thin walls, remember? What you heard wasn't sex. -What you heard wasn't sex. What the fuck was it? -What the fuck was it? All my life, everyone has been telling me that when I have sex, I'm not really having sex. Not real sex. But they're wrong. I know what is and isn't sex and what you heard was definitely not sex. -All my life, everyone has been telling me that when I have sex, I'm not really having sex. Not real sex. But they're wrong. I know what is and isn't sex and what you heard was definitely not sex. What was it then? -What was it then? Work. -We make our own choices and we pay our own prices. I think we're more alike than you want to admit. What about that guy this morning? -What about that guy this morning? You mean Shelly? -You mean Shelly? Don't tell me, you're a workaholic. -Don't tell me, you're a workaholic. No. Shelly knows what I am. He saw me in a bar with another woman. -No. Shelly knows what I am. He saw me in a bar with another woman. I suppose he just wants to watch. -Fuck it! I think you better leave. I think so, too. -Shelly was skimming from the business. He came to see me yesterday because he was afraid Caesar figured it out. He wanted to run but he wanted me to come with him. Even though he knew about you? -Even though he knew about you? Yes. -Yes. He was in love with you, right? -He was in love with you, right? That's what he told himself. But it wasn't even about me, it was about Caesar. He wanted what Caesar had. That's how they are. I understand them. -For Shelly, taking the money was a way to take from Caesar. He could have run at any time, but he didn't because he didn't want out. Sounds like he wanted to get caught. -Sounds like he wanted to get caught. Maybe he did. He would brag to me all the time. He was never afraid of Caesar because he didn't know him. Not like I do. -Caesar lives for these moments. He tells me it's just the business, but I know it's more than that. He likes it. The violence. I'll catch him in the bathroom mirror touching his scars. He says they remind him who he his. They're all like that. Except maybe Mickey. Mickey? -Mickey? He's the part of the business that the rest of them pretend to be. |But Mickey doesn't like it like they do. I suppose that's why he's good at it. -I want out. I want a new life. I see what I've been waiting for, but I need you, Corky. For what? -For what? You made a choice once. Do you think you would make that same choice again? -You made a choice once. Do you think you would make that same choice again? What choice? -What choice? If those quarters fell to the floor, would you still reach up to that cash register? -Caesar is going to get the money and bring -- How much money? -How much money? Shelly said it was over two million dollars. -Caesar will bring it to the apartment to count and go through |Shelly's books to figure out how he did it. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Do you have any idea what you are saying? You are asking me to help you fuck the mob. -These people are serious, Violet. If you want to know how serious, ask Shelly. They're worse than any cop because they have lots of money and no rules. You fuck them, you've got to do it right. That's why I need your help. You said you were good. -That's why I need your help. You said you were good. I am, but ... -All right, let's say for the moment that I believe everything you are saying. You think I'm lying? -You think I'm lying? I didn't say that, but since you did, let's say that you are. It would have been easy to set Shelly up. You could have got him killed knowing that Caesar would bring the money to the apartment. -All you would need to keep yourself clean would be someone unconnected, someone like me. Is that what you think? -Is that what you think? I'm just making a point. You have no idea what you're asking. How much trust two people need to do something like this. -The difference is, I can have sex with someone I just met, someone I hardly know, but to steal I need to know someone like I know myself. Do you think you know me like that? -Do you think you know me like that? I think ... -You said he washed the money? Yeah. -Yeah. Then what? Exactly. -Then what? Exactly. He hung it up. -He hung it up. What? -What? To let it dry. -And where is it now? In his office. I saw it this morning. -It's in a case, on his desk. Does the case lock? -Yes. Good. -All right, now, tell me about Johnnie. Johnnie? -Johnnie? It sounded like he and Caesar don't like each other. -It sounded like he and Caesar don't like each other. Like each other? They hate each other. -Like each other? They hate each other. Why? -Why? It started way before I was around. I think basically it's because he thinks Johnnie is a complete idiot. But Johnnie runs Chicago because Gino is his father. -It started way before I was around. I think basically it's because he thinks Johnnie is a complete idiot. But Johnnie runs Chicago because Gino is his father. Who is Gino? -Gino Marzzone. Marzzone? As in Angelo Marzzone, head of the Marzzone family? -Marzzone? As in Angelo Marzzone, head of the Marzzone family? That's his brother. -That's his brother. ... shit. -Gino Marzzone is coming tonight to pick up the money? Yeah. -Yeah. And Johnnie is his son, that's Johnnie Marzzone? -And Johnnie is his son, that's Johnnie Marzzone? Yeah. -Yeah. Sweet Jesus. -Gino Marzzone is coming to your apartment. It's a big deal, isn't it? That means Caesar will be ready. He doesn't want to look like an idiot. Gino has been there before? Yeah, twice. -Yeah, twice. What happened? -What happened? Not much, really. Caesar was nervous, kept cleaning the apartment. |The first time, he picked out the dress he wanted me to wear. -Does Johnnie hit on you? Johnnie hits on anything in high heels. -Johnnie hits on anything in high heels. Has Caesar ever seen him? -Has Caesar ever seen him? He does it right in front of him. -He does it right in front of him. It's getting better and better. Keep going. -It's getting better and better. Keep going. Gino doesn't know English, or at least he pretends he doesn't, so he doesn't talk much. He gets right to the point. Both times they talked for about five minutes, had one drink and then they left. -Gino doesn't know English, or at least he pretends he doesn't, so he doesn't talk much. He gets right to the point. Both times they talked for about five minutes, had one drink and then they left. What did Gino drink? -What did Gino drink? Scotch, Glenlivet. I remember that Caesar made a huge deal about it. -What time did you say they would be there? The plane is in at seven, so I'd say about eight. -The plane is in at seven, so I'd say about eight. Any bodyguards? -Any bodyguards? Gino travels with a big man named Roy. Caesar calls him the driver. -Gino travels with a big man named Roy. Caesar calls him the driver. Fine. -We want him to come down, to relax, feel in control again. Poor boy, has to work so hard. -Where will you be? Waiting in the apartment next door. -And as you do, the bottle will slip from your hands. -- and shatter against the hardwood floor. An accident. -An accident. Shit! Oh shit! -What if he sees you? He won't. -You can't know for certain that he won't see you. Trust me, Violet. -I'm just asking, what if? If he does ... -There is no going back. When I get the Scotch, how do I know you won't take off? -When I get the Scotch, how do I know you won't take off? The same way I'll know that you went to Scotch. Trust. -I still don't see how I'm going to get clean with the money in the apartment. Everyone will think I did it. Not Caesar. -Not Caesar. Why? -Why? Because of what you are going to tell him. You have to make it as real as you can. The moment you open the door with the Scotch in your hand, you will be covered, and that moment is the most important moment in the plan. -If it's real enough, he'll believe it, because deep down he'll want to. C! Shit, I'm sorry! -He'll have to run. If he runs, everyone will assume he took the money. -If he runs, everyone will assume he took the money. You'll be clean and we'll be rich. -Jesus, that's beautiful. Thank you. -Thank you. If you're this goddamn smart, how did you ever get caught? -If you're this goddamn smart, how did you ever get caught? Every job like this has moments where things don't go so well and everyone starts thinking about their own ass. It's in those moments that everything comes together or falls apart. -I had a partner and she fucked me. I won't. -I won't. I think we're going to find out. -It's me. What happened? -He totally freaked. I've never seen him like this. He's out of his fucking mind. That's okay, as long as he believes it was Johnnie. -That's okay, as long as he believes it was Johnnie. Believes it! Jesus, it's driving him crazy. He wants to kill him. I don't know, Corky, I don't know what he is going to do. I'm getting nervous, really nervous. -Believes it! Jesus, it's driving him crazy. He wants to kill him. I don't know, Corky, I don't know what he is going to do. I'm getting nervous, really nervous. It's all right, Violet. It's working. All we got to do is wait him out and see what he does. -It's all right, Violet. It's working. All we got to do is wait him out and see what he does. What if he doesn't run? -What if he doesn't run? That means he probably will kill Johnnie. -That means he probably will kill Johnnie. Oh, Christ, I got to get out of here! -Oh, Christ, I got to get out of here! Listen, if he doesn't run, all you have to do is break down, go to your bedroom and pack some things, start crying, saying you love him but you can't do it. You're sorry but you have to leave and just walk out. -Listen, if he doesn't run, all you have to do is break down, go to your bedroom and pack some things, start crying, saying you love him but you can't do it. You're sorry but you have to leave and just walk out. okay, all right. -okay, all right. We're almost there, Violet. just hang on. -Oh, thank God. I'm still here. -I'm still here. I was so afraid you ... -I was so afraid you ... You don't quit on me, Violet, and I won't quit on you. -I'm sorry, Corky ... Don't be sorry. Help me. -Hey. Hey. -Hey. How'd it go? -How'd it go? I'm here, aren't I? -You know what the difference is between us, Violet? No. -No. ... Me neither. -Hey, Caesar! You take care of this girl, or I find out! You are as radiant as ever, Violet. -No, Johnnie. No goddamned phones. Not now. Pop? -Pop? Caesar, come here. Sit. We talk now. You too, Johnnie. -Done. We go now. Jesus Christ, Pop. You got two hours until your plane leaves. -Unbelievable. Can you believe that, Violet? Hey, Johnnie ... -Johnnie, what did I say? Pop, this is important to me. It's a simple question. if he would just answer the question, that's the end of it. -You shouldn't have to see this. Why don't you get out of here? Go for a walk. Caesar wants me to stay. -Caesar wants me to stay. Don't worry about Caesar. I'll handle Caesar. You just get out of here, okay? -Oh, God. Caesar? What the fuck time is it? -Mickey? What are you doing here? Violet, it's Gino and Johnnie. They were in a car accident. -Violet, it's Gino and Johnnie. They were in a car accident. Oh my God. Was anyone hurt? -Oh my God. Was anyone hurt? I think everything is okay. -Mickey! Oh God, Mickey! Violet? -I will never understand it, Mickey. You didn't even call the police. I told you, the family doesn't want the police around. We want to take care of it ourselves and we will. I'll find him. I swear I will. -I told you, the family doesn't want the police around. We want to take care of it ourselves and we will. I'll find him. I swear I will. I know you will. -I know you will. Sure you're going to be okay? I mean, if you're having second thoughts, my offer still stands. -Sure you're going to be okay? I mean, if you're having second thoughts, my offer still stands. Thanks, Mickey, but I need to get out, you know? Get away from all of this. -Storm clouds are gathering, Ted. It looks like rain and I don't have a thing to wear. I don't know what we're talking about. -I don't know what we're talking about. We're talking about Marseille. We're talking about Nykwana Wombosi. And I'm asking you if this abortion in Marseille has anything to do with Treadstone. Was this Treadstone? -We're talking about Marseille. We're talking about Nykwana Wombosi. And I'm asking you if this abortion in Marseille has anything to do with Treadstone. Was this Treadstone? You're asking me a direct question? -You're asking me a direct question? Yes. -Yes. I thought you were never going to do that. -They're putting together an agency oversight committee. They're going to look through everyone's budgets. Treadstone is a rather sizable line item in my ledger. What am I going to do about that? You'd want to make that go away. You'd want to remind them that Treadstone is a training organization. That it's all theoretical. You'd want to sign off on that. -You'd want to make that go away. You'd want to remind them that Treadstone is a training organization. That it's all theoretical. You'd want to sign off on that. And what if I couldn't do that? -And what if I couldn't do that? Then I'd have to explain Treadstone. And you'd have to explain how you let me get this far. Doesn't sound like much of a Plan-B, does it? We'll clean up the field. You clean up your budgets. -She's a gypsy. If it's a cover, it's a great one. I'm assuming we're exploring that possibility. -I'm assuming we're exploring that possibility. We're exploring every possibility. We are in pursuit. How much more do you want me to tell you? -We're exploring every possibility. We are in pursuit. How much more do you want me to tell you? Pursuit would indicate that you know exactly where he is. -Pursuit would indicate that you know exactly where he is. No. Pursuit ends when we know exactly where he is. -No. Pursuit ends when we know exactly where he is. Yes, well, I think we need some fresh eyes on this problem. I'm bringing in some people from upstairs. -We've been down here for two weeks banging our heads against the wall. We've been sleeping down here. We just got our first lead fourteen hours ago, and now? -- now that we finally have something to work with -- you want to bring planning personnel down here? I'd rethink that. I want a second opinion. -I want a second opinion. This is an operations desk. -This is an operations desk. I'm not asking. -That was two hours -- two hours to get a second opinion -- and nothing changes. He's loose. He's out of control. It's very clear what needs to happen. I have work to do. What if he is working for someone else? What if he turned? -What if he is working for someone else? What if he turned? Turn? To who? Where does he turn? What does he have to offer? He's got nothing. He's a killer. He's a piece of equipment for crissake. Where's he gonna turn? -No. We can't risk it. Our last sighting was forty-eight hours ago. Even if they stayed in the car, the grid is huge. This is it. He's trained -- conditioned -- they're built to disappear. You give him another day to run and we may never find him. -Our last sighting was forty-eight hours ago. Even if they stayed in the car, the grid is huge. This is it. He's trained -- conditioned -- they're built to disappear. You give him another day to run and we may never find him. This doesn't go upstairs. --- he went inside! -- -- if we can get a clean shot -- --- if we can get a clean shot -- -- inside the house? -- --- inside the house? -- -- that's what they're trained for -- just a surgical strike. --- that's what they're trained for -- just a surgical strike. Forget it. -Forget it. What do you want to do? -What do you want to do? We don't know what we're into! -We don't know what we're into! We're in the shitter, man! Pick your poison. Maybe he's in there to finish the job. Maybe he's working for Wombosi. Maybe they want to go on TV together. Every possibility sucks -- we've got to move! -I'm going to Paris. No you're not. You're not going anywhere. I'm shutting this down. -No you're not. You're not going anywhere. I'm shutting this down. You're not doing shit. You're so scared you can't even think. -You're not doing shit. You're so scared you can't even think. You just blew up a house in Paris! This program is over. Call it off. -You just blew up a house in Paris! This program is over. Call it off. I can't call it off. He's not responding. Get out of my way. -I won't ask again. I work alone. Like you... ...we always work alone. -I work alone. Like you... ...we always work alone. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Who are you? Rome? Paris? Treadstone...both of us...I was warned but... -Who are you? Rome? Paris? Treadstone...both of us...I was warned but... Treadstone? -Treadstone? ...which one are you?... -Paris. I live in Paris... ...headaches...you have that...I get such bad headaches... -...headaches...you have that...I get such bad headaches... Yes. -Yes. ...it's a problem... -Treadstone. ...or in a car...when it's dark...something with the headlights... ...pills, right? Treadstone had those pills... -...or in a car...when it's dark...something with the headlights... ...pills, right? Treadstone had those pills... What is Treadstone? -What is Treadstone? ...what did you do?...you must've really fucked up... -...what did you do?...you must've really fucked up... I think so. -I think so. ...someone said caffeine -- for a headache...doesn't seem... -...someone said caffeine -- for a headache...doesn't seem... What do they want me to do? -What do they want me to do? ...they won't let you go... -...they won't let you go... Why? -Are you Treadstone? Am I Treadstone? Me? What the hell're you talking about? -What did you do to me? What did I do? I spent thirty million dollars on you. I spent three years finding you -- four years training you -- What did I do? What in the name of God have you been doing, Jason? -What did I do? I spent thirty million dollars on you. I spent three years finding you -- four years training you -- What did I do? What in the name of God have you been doing, Jason? I don't know. -I don't know. They're right about you, aren't they? You're fried. You really don't know what's going on, do you? -They're right about you, aren't they? You're fried. You really don't know what's going on, do you? I know you've been trying to kill me. -I know you've been trying to kill me. Of course. We had to try. We didn't know what was wrong. We didn't know you were in trouble. -Of course. We had to try. We didn't know what was wrong. We didn't know you were in trouble. So now you know. -So now you know. So it's time to go home. -So it's time to go home. That's all I get? -That's all I get? We'll make you better. We can put the pieces back. We can do that. -We'll make you better. We can put the pieces back. We can do that. I don't think so. -I don't think so. We have to go home, Jason. -We have to go home, Jason. Jason Bourne is dead. -Jason Bourne is dead. There never was a Jason Bourne. You have to come with me. It's the only way. We can give it back to you... -There never was a Jason Bourne. You have to come with me. It's the only way. We can give it back to you... Keep it. -Keep it. Jason... They can't let you go... -Jason... They can't let you go... That'll be their second worst mistake. -Did you bring investment advice for me tonight? It was tax shelters, wasn't it? Swiss debenture-swaps. MPG Capital. -MPG Capital. I think investment advice from a dead man, it's a bad idea. How does it feel to be dead? -I think investment advice from a dead man, it's a bad idea. How does it feel to be dead? It's a lot more stressful than I thought. -Who do you think sent me? I know who sent you. I don't know why. I learned many, many things from the CIA. Many things. I learned the way they think. Was the bomb on my boat supposed to go off or not? -Was this a game or a fuck up? I don't know. -I don't know. Get the kids out! -You're a U.S. Citizen? Yes. I mean, I think so. Yes. Yes... -Yes. I mean, I think so. Yes. Yes... Well, either you are, or you aren't. -Well, either you are, or you aren't. Right. -Right. You have your passport? -You have your passport? I have a passport. I've got... Actually, it's a little complicated. -I have a passport. I've got... Actually, it's a little complicated. Do you have your passport, sir? -Do you have your passport, sir? Look, maybe I should just... -Look, maybe I should just... Sir, you waited on line. -Sir, you waited on line. Yeah, I know... -Paris? Yes, sir... How can I help you? -Yes, sir... How can I help you? Yes, I'm...I'm looking for Mr. Jason Bourne. -Yes, I'm...I'm looking for Mr. Jason Bourne. One moment, please... I'm afraid, I have no one by that name registered, sir. -One moment, please... I'm afraid, I have no one by that name registered, sir. D'accord... Merci. Un moment -- un moment -- -D'accord... Merci. Un moment -- un moment -- -- sir? -- --- sir? -- -- hang on -- I need you to check another name for me -- hang on -- un moment, s'il vous plait -- -Kane. Do you have Mr. John Michael Kane? One moment, sir. -Bonjour? Monsieur? Allo... Yes, I'm here... -Yes, I'm here... You call about Monsieur Kane? John Michael Kane? -You call about Monsieur Kane? John Michael Kane? Yes. Is he there? -Yes. Is he there? You are a friend of his? -You are a friend of his? Yes. -Yes. I have some very bad news for you, sir. I'm terrible sorry to have to tell you this, but Monsieur Kane has passed away almost two weeks ago... -There was an accident. On the motorway. Apparently, he was killed instantly. Really, I'm terrible sorry to be the one to tell you this... ...I understand... -...I understand... ...we actually, we were unaware for several days that this had happened. When they came for his things, it was made known for us, you see? -...we actually, we were unaware for several days that this had happened. When they came for his things, it was made known for us, you see? Who? Who came? -Who? Who came? His brother. You know his brother? -His brother. You know his brother? Right. Yes. Of course. -Right. Yes. Of course. It's very bad this. Terrible sad. Such a young man. -It's very bad this. Terrible sad. Such a young man. Do you -- his brother -- do you have a phone number? -Do you -- his brother -- do you have a phone number? I think not... No, I'm sorry. It was very sudden. He was here very briefly. -Mr. Kane... Come right in...please...have a seat. Thanks. -Well... I must admit, when my assistant told me you were here I was, really -- I was quite -- I was surprised. Really. -Really. We thought you were gone for good. -We thought you were gone for good. Did you? -Did you? Well, I mean it's a tough business, isn't it? Cutthroat. -Look, our bid -- it was competitive -- but definitely at the high end of competitive -- when we didn't hear back from you, we did some re-analysis of the numbers, and honestly, we'd really like a chance to do a bit better. I'm assuming you're still in the market. It's the same vessel? Yes. -Yes. We just picked up a job quite like the one we were bidding for you. Gorgeous boat, hundred-and-seventy- five-foot pleasure cruiser. I think we learned a few things that might allow us to make our proposal for your job, as I said, a bit more competitive. -We just picked up a job quite like the one we were bidding for you. Gorgeous boat, hundred-and-seventy- five-foot pleasure cruiser. I think we learned a few things that might allow us to make our proposal for your job, as I said, a bit more competitive. Okay. -Was it the break-in? Excuse me? -Excuse me? We also thought we hadn't heard from you -- we've had a bit of a publicity nightmare, people have been talking. Our offices were broken into -- vandalism mostly -- shortly after we last spoke. -We also thought we hadn't heard from you -- we've had a bit of a publicity nightmare, people have been talking. Our offices were broken into -- vandalism mostly -- shortly after we last spoke. I hadn't heard. -Let me get you a new copy of the proposal. That'd be great. -I need a ride out of here. Oh, Jesus... -Oh, Jesus... Please. I don't want to scare you. -Please. I don't want to scare you. It's a little late for that. -It's a little late for that. I've got a situation here and -- -I've got a situation here and -- Get the fuck away from my car. -Get the fuck away from my car. I'll give you ten thousand dollars to drive me to Paris. -I'll give you ten thousand dollars to drive me to Paris. Great. You know what? I'll give you ten gazillion dollars to get the fuck away from me before I start screaming my head off. -Great. You know what? I'll give you ten gazillion dollars to get the fuck away from me before I start screaming my head off. You don't want the police any more than I do. -Jesus... Get me out of here. Please. -So what's in Paris? I want to go home. -I want to go home. For twenty thousand dollars. -I said ten thousand. You have blood on your pants. -You have blood on your pants. Okay. Twenty thousand. Ten now. Ten there. -Okay. Twenty thousand. Ten now. Ten there. No. No, that was too easy -- -No. No, that was too easy -- Wait up -- -- just wait up -- -Wait up -- -- just wait up -- -- get the fuck out of here -- all this money, this crazy offer, I mean give me a fucking break with this, this is -- -Look, I want a ride to Paris. That's all I want. I swear. You swear? That's great. I feel so much better now. -You swear? That's great. I feel so much better now. I don't want anything but a ride. All I want to do is go home. -You could buy a car for twenty grand. You could buy this car. I don't want to go alone. I want you to drive me to Paris. Like we're a couple. Like we're a couple and we're travelling together. That's all we're doing. -I don't want to go alone. I want you to drive me to Paris. Like we're a couple. Like we're a couple and we're travelling together. That's all we're doing. And I don't get hurt. I get twenty thousand dollars and I don't get hurt. -And I don't get hurt. I get twenty thousand dollars and I don't get hurt. I won't hurt you. -I won't hurt you. What if I say no? -What if I say no? Then I'll find another ride. -Just so you know, if you're gonna burn me on the money, you might as well kill me. I was supposed to have this car back three days ago. It's not my car. I know that. -Shit -- Can I tell you how much you're freaking me out? Okay? Because you are -- you're completely freaking me out. I'm sorry. Really. What do you want me to do? -I'm sorry. Really. What do you want me to do? I don't know. Smile. Sneeze. Something. You've got a bag full of money and a ride to Paris. Fuck it, I don't know... What kind of music do you like? -I don't know. Smile. Sneeze. Something. You've got a bag full of money and a ride to Paris. Fuck it, I don't know... What kind of music do you like? I don't know. -I don't know. What does that mean? -What does that mean? Listen to what you want. -Listen to what you want. Who pays twenty thousand dollars for a ride to Paris? -I don't know. I don't know who I am. Yeah, well, welcome to the club. -Yeah, well, welcome to the club. No. No, I mean, I really don't know who I am. I can't remember anything earlier than two weeks ago. I'm serious. -No. No, I mean, I really don't know who I am. I can't remember anything earlier than two weeks ago. I'm serious. What? Like amnesia? -What? Like amnesia? Look, go ahead...put the radio on... -Look, go ahead...put the radio on... Amnesia? You're saying you don't remember anything that happened before two weeks ago? -Amnesia? You're saying you don't remember anything that happened before two weeks ago? That's what I'm saying. -And you have no idea -- not a clue -- what came before that? No. -No. When you think of it, before the ship -- before you wake up on the ship, what do you see? -When you think of it, before the ship -- before you wake up on the ship, what do you see? Nothing. It's just not there. -Nothing. It's just not there. Well, this is great. I'm sick of myself and you have no idea who you are. -Well, this is great. I'm sick of myself and you have no idea who you are. I kept trying things, I thought if I could find all the things I could do, I could -- -I kept trying things, I thought if I could find all the things I could do, I could -- -- you could put it together -- --- you could put it together -- -- which was okay for a while, I was okay with it... But then -- there's all these other things -- all these other things I know how to do -- and this -- this stuff from the bank and... I think something bad happened. --- which was okay for a while, I was okay with it... But then -- there's all these other things -- all these other things I know how to do -- and this -- this stuff from the bank and... I think something bad happened. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I don't know. -I don't know. Sounds like you were in an accident or something. -Sounds like you were in an accident or something. I was shot twice in the back. -I was shot twice in the back. Okay, so you're a victim. -Okay, so you're a victim. There was a gun. Who has a safe deposit box with a gun and all this money and all these passports? -There was a gun. Who has a safe deposit box with a gun and all this money and all these passports? Lots of people have guns. You're American. Americans love guns. -Lots of people have guns. You're American. Americans love guns. I fought my way out of an embassy. I climbed down a fifty-foot wall -- I went out the window and I was doing it -- I just did it. I knew how to do it. -I fought my way out of an embassy. I climbed down a fifty-foot wall -- I went out the window and I was doing it -- I just did it. I knew how to do it. People do amazing things when they're scared. -People do amazing things when they're scared. Why do I? -- I come in here -- instinctively -- first thing I do -- I'm looking for the exit -- I'm catching the sightlines -- I know I can't sit with my back to the door -- -Why do I? -- I come in here -- instinctively -- first thing I do -- I'm looking for the exit -- I'm catching the sightlines -- I know I can't sit with my back to the door -- You're paranoid. You were shot. It's natural. -I needed a break. Where are we? -Where are we? We're about an hour away. -We're about an hour away. I can't believe I slept. -I can't believe I slept. You were tired. Here... For twenty-thousand I like to throw in breakfast. So what do you dream about? -You were tired. Here... For twenty-thousand I like to throw in breakfast. So what do you dream about? I dream I'm asleep. I dream that I'm asleep and I can't wake up. I don't think I smoke. -You ever think maybe you have a family? I thought about it. I don't know. -Slow down. No, don't stop. Just... That's it? Is that it? -Four-fifty. That's the address... Looks familiar? -Looks familiar? No. No. Go around. Keep going... -Where? Yeah. Pull in here. Park it. -So this is it, right? I guess. -I should go. I don't remember any of this. -I don't remember any of this. Jason... -Okay, so... Thanks for the ride. -Thanks for the ride. Anytime. -Look, I don't know what's up there. You got me pretty fucking curious. -You got me pretty fucking curious. Look, you could come up. Or you could wait if you want. I could go check it out. You could wait. -Look, you could come up. Or you could wait if you want. I could go check it out. You could wait. Nah... With you, I mean, you'd probably just forget about me, right? -Nah... With you, I mean, you'd probably just forget about me, right? How could I forget about you? You're the only person I know. -This is like a real apartment. This is really yours? I guess so. -This is your office? God, you live like a monk... All this stuff -- it's all about boats. I think I'm in the shipping business. -All this stuff -- it's all about boats. I think I'm in the shipping business. See. It's starting to come back, yeah? You mind if I take a bath? -See. It's starting to come back, yeah? You mind if I take a bath? Go ahead. --- no -- Marie -- no! -- it's not like that -- -- please -- Jason -- omigod -- --- please -- Jason -- omigod -- -- quiet -- quiet -- --- what're you doing? -- Jason, please, tell me what's happening! Open it -- -- do it -- what's he got in there? -WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? ...omigod, no... -What? -- what? -- -- what is it? ...this is my picture... he's got my picture -- -- this is me -- this is Zurich -- this...this...this is yesterday -- -...this is my picture... he's got my picture -- -- this is me -- this is Zurich -- this...this...this is yesterday -- -- just -- --- just -- -- where does this come from? -- How do you have my picture? --- where does this come from? -- How do you have my picture? Marie, just -- -- just stay there! -- just -- -Marie, just -- -- just stay there! -- just -- -- he's got my picture! -- this is yesterday! -- this is me! -- -- where did you get my picture? -- --- he's got my picture! -- this is yesterday! -- this is me! -- -- where did you get my picture? -- -- let me do this, okay? -- --- let me do this, okay? -- -- do what? -- what are you doing? -- he's got my picture -- -- he's -- my God -- look at him -- he's bleeding to death -- my picture -- look! -- he was trying to kill us! -- omigod -- -He's dead isn't he? Marie -- look at me -- there's no time for this -- -Marie -- look at me -- there's no time for this -- He went out the window -- why? -- why would someone do that? -He went out the window -- why? -- why would someone do that? -- we can't stay here -- I can't stay here -- it's not safe here -- --- we can't stay here -- I can't stay here -- it's not safe here -- He came to kill us. -He came to kill us. -- we can go -- I can get us out of here -- but we have to go now -- --- we can go -- I can get us out of here -- but we have to go now -- You knew he was coming. -You knew he was coming. No. -No. I trusted you. -I trusted you. You're wrong. I didn't know. -You're wrong. I didn't know. I don't trust anybody and I trusted you! -I don't trust anybody and I trusted you! I didn't know this would happen. -I didn't know this would happen. He had my picture! He knew I was here! He came here to kill us! -He had my picture! He knew I was here! He came here to kill us! And where is he now? You believe what you want, but I'm telling you the truth -- I never would have brought you here if I thought it was dangerous. -And where is he now? You believe what you want, but I'm telling you the truth -- I never would have brought you here if I thought it was dangerous. Oh, Jesus... -Oh, Jesus... You stay -- if you want, you stay -- it's okay -- it's better -- maybe it's better -- I don't know -- But I can't stay here. I can't. -You stay -- if you want, you stay -- it's okay -- it's better -- maybe it's better -- I don't know -- But I can't stay here. I can't. But the police -- -But the police -- -- there's no time -- --- there's no time -- -- we'll explain it -- --- we'll explain it -- -- how? -- --- how? -- -- there's two of us -- we'll tell them -- we'll just -- --- there's two of us -- we'll tell them -- we'll just -- -- forget it -- --- forget it -- -- we'll tell them what happened -- --- we'll tell them what happened -- I don't know what happened! I don't know who he is! I don't know what he wants! I don't even know who I am! The only thing I know is that if I stay here, I'm never gonna find out! -You stayed there five times in the past six months. But I didn't have time -- I could only get the bill from the last stay -- you were there for two days. Some room service -- there's half a dozen phone calls here so that's someth-- Who paid the bill? -Who paid the bill? It's a company... MPG Capital. -I found it. It took six calls. I found Kane. I found the body. Let's go -- We got to get away from this phone. --- I don't know what you're doing and you're scaring me -- what are you looking for? -- what just happened in there? -- Nykwana Wombosi. -Nykwana Wombosi. What is that? -What is that? It's a name. Mr. Wombosi owns a thirty million dollar yacht. He's the proud owner of an Alliance Security package. He also paid a visit to the morgue to see John Michael Kane. -It's a name. Mr. Wombosi owns a thirty million dollar yacht. He's the proud owner of an Alliance Security package. He also paid a visit to the morgue to see John Michael Kane. What does that mean? Jason, what does that mean? Jason, please...who is he? -What does that mean? Jason, what does that mean? Jason, please...who is he? I don't know. -I don't know. So what are we doing? -So what are we doing? Go back to the hotel. -It doesn't matter who you were before. It's who you want to be. That's all that matters. We have this money. We have what we have. I had nothing before and now, I don't know, maybe I have more, maybe it's nothing, but... I say we leave here. We leave this place. We go until we can't go anymore. You could do that? -You could do that? Yes. That's who I want to be. -xxxxxx. xxxxxx -Stop where you are. What? -xxxxxx xxxxxx -xxxxxx I won't let that happen. -xxxxxx xxxxxx -Who is it? We have to keep moving. -xxxxxx xxxxxx -xxxxxx xxxxxx -xxxxxx xxxxxx -xxxxxx xxxxxx -xxxxxx xxxxxx -xxxxxx xxxxxx -And that's it? If you're lucky. Take it. There's enough in there to make a life. Any life. Just get out now. Get low. Stay low. Take it. -What was I thinking, right? I can't protect you anymore. -I can't protect you anymore. What about you? -What about you? I'm gonna find the end of this. I can't protect you. -Can I help you? This your store? -This your store? Yes. -Yes. Think I could rent a scooter? -Think I could rent a scooter? You have ID? -You have ID? Not really. -Where did this body go? I said, someone came last night -- Look, this isn't a carnival -- people call and they make an appointment and they follow the rules -- everyone signs in and out -- this is a serious place -- serious work -- it's not just to come in whenever you like -- -I said, someone came last night -- Look, this isn't a carnival -- people call and they make an appointment and they follow the rules -- everyone signs in and out -- this is a serious place -- serious work -- it's not just to come in whenever you like -- Shit, we didn't sign in. -Shit, we didn't sign in. So get the hell out of here. -So get the hell out of here. Fine. But I'd like to sign in. In fact, I insist on it. Where's the book? I gotta sign in -- -Is this it? -- -- this is it, right? -- -- slow down -- you can't just take the book like that -- --- slow down -- you can't just take the book like that -- -- don't sweat it, I have a pen -- no problem -- just let me find the page -- -- honey, why don't you wait for me outside, okay? -- --- we have rules here, this is a very serious place -- I'm the one who decides who gets in here, okay? -- -- what do I? -- I put the name of the person I came to see? -- --- what do I? -- I put the name of the person I came to see? -- -- this is serious business down here and we cannot have people coming and going -- --- this is serious business down here and we cannot have people coming and going -- -- here we go -- I found it -- -Where's the dog? My husband's out looking for him. -My husband's out looking for him. He run away often? -He run away often? That old beast? Miss his breakfast? Not a chance. It's always something, right? -Get in the basement. What? -What? Get everyone down in the basement. -What the hell're you talking about? You're in danger. All of you. I have no time to explain. -You're in danger. All of you. I have no time to explain. Wait a minute -- -Wait a minute -- I'm sorry. -Miss Kreutz, please... I'm gonna have to ask you to keep your voice down. All the papers -- all the papers they asked for -- I brought all the papers -- -All the papers -- all the papers they asked for -- I brought all the papers -- Miss Kreutz, excuse me, but you entered into a fraudulent marriage in an effort to circumvent the immigration laws of the United States -- -Miss Kreutz, excuse me, but you entered into a fraudulent marriage in an effort to circumvent the immigration laws of the United States -- You only know that because I told you! Ask the case officer -- find his name -- it's on the papers -- I told him all this myself! -- -You only know that because I told you! Ask the case officer -- find his name -- it's on the papers -- I told him all this myself! -- -- it's not the source of the information that's important here -- --- it's not the source of the information that's important here -- -- I paid this fucking guy -- I paid him four thousand dollars -- my last four thousand dollars to marry me, okay? -- I told this to the case officer last week... ...here -- Mr. Thomas. I told Mr. Thomas I didn't know this guy was already married -- I admitted this! --- I paid this fucking guy -- I paid him four thousand dollars -- my last four thousand dollars to marry me, okay? -- I told this to the case officer last week... ...here -- Mr. Thomas. I told Mr. Thomas I didn't know this guy was already married -- I admitted this! -- Miss Kreutz, please -- --- Miss Kreutz, please -- -- I'm the one that got ripped off! -- not you -- not the United States government -- me -- I'm the one being ripped off! --- I'm the one that got ripped off! -- not you -- not the United States government -- me -- I'm the one being ripped off! So now you're asking for a student visa? -xxxxxx... xxxxxx -And that's the best angle of the courtyard? That's the only angle. -That's the only angle. What do they have on the streets? The area. They must have something. -What do they have on the streets? The area. They must have something. Hang on... -Sir... What's that? -What's that? It's an angle of the street -- some sort of alleyway -- you can just... -It's an angle of the street -- some sort of alleyway -- you can just... Enhance it. --- let's check that Interpol window again -- -- I'm on it -- --- I'm on it -- -- I want that red car -- the girl -- we gotta get lucky here -- -What? Abbott wants to talk. -Abbott wants to talk. Tell him we're busy. -Tell him we're busy. I tried. --- and they're sure it's him? -- -- he accessed the account -- --- he accessed the account -- -- but it was him -- --- but it was him -- -- yes, sir, it's confirmed -- -What? Zurich police are looking for an American with a red bag. Apparently he put two cops in the hospital last night. -What the fuck is he doing? Maybe it's a game. Maybe he's trying to send us a message. -Maybe it's a game. Maybe he's trying to send us a message. It doesn't matter now. We've just got to be the first ones there. Get everybody up. I want them all activated. -It doesn't matter now. We've just got to be the first ones there. Get everybody up. I want them all activated. All of them? -What? Abbott. He knows about the embassy. He's coming down for a show and tell. -Abbott. He knows about the embassy. He's coming down for a show and tell. That'll solve all our problems. --- what're you talking about? -- -- we're evacuating the building -- --- we're evacuating the building -- -- we're in the middle of a trade meeting! -- --- we're in the middle of a trade meeting! -- -- call the code! -- I want everyone out! -- --- call the code! -- I want everyone out! -- -- you gotta give me more to go on -- --- you gotta give me more to go on -- -- he's running from the cops, he's got a bag filled with God knows what, he's in the building and I don't know where! -- -You're awake. Can you hear me? You've been shot. I'm trying to help you. You were in the water. You've been shot. It's okay now. Where am I? -Where am I? You're American. I thought so. From your teeth -- the dental work -- -You're American. I thought so. From your teeth -- the dental work -- Where am I? -Where am I? You're on a boat. A fishing boat. Italian flag. We're out of Vietri. It's the cold that saved you. The water. The wounds are clean. I'm not a doctor, but the wounds, it looks okay. It's clean. -You're on a boat. A fishing boat. Italian flag. We're out of Vietri. It's the cold that saved you. The water. The wounds are clean. I'm not a doctor, but the wounds, it looks okay. It's clean. How did I get here? -How did I get here? You we're lost at sea. They pulled you out. Who are you? You were shot -- two bullets -- in the back. You understand me? Who are you? -What if it doesn't come back? I told you. You need to rest. -It came from your hip. Under the skin. You have a bank in Zurich. You remember Zurich? No. -Look, I'm just on this boat, okay? I'm an engineer. Whatever this is, it's not for me to be involved, okay? I don't remember Zurich. -You drink rum? I don't know. -It's not much, but it should get you to Switzerland. I won't forget this. -...ervices. Uh - what? - I ... -...Be back. Thank you. -...ergency procedures. I haven't got an emergency. Get out of here. -...your ducts? I fixed it myself. -... And then some. What have you done to my flat? -You telephone, sir. ...elephoned sir. -...elephoned sir. Trouble with your air-conditioning. -Trouble with your air-conditioning. ...ditioning. -...ixed itself. Machines don't fix themselves. -Machines don't fix themselves. ... fix themselves. -... fix themselves. He's tampered with it, Dowser. -He's tampered with it, Dowser. ...ampered. with it, Spoor. -I think we'd better have a look. ... have a look. -What have you got there? Got there! -Mumble ... mumble ... mumble ... Tuttle Mumble ... Tuttle ... -Mumble ... Tuttle ... Tuttle! ... mumble! You've had that scab Tuttle here, haven't you? -Tuttle! ... mumble! You've had that scab Tuttle here, haven't you? ...aven't you? -Oh yeh? Where'd you get this from eh out yer nostril? ...Yer nostril? -...Yer nostril? Central Services don't take kindly to sabotage! -Central Services don't take kindly to sabotage! ...sabotage! -...ven't you? You're putting your talents to very odd use Mr Lowry - yes, odd use - to pit wits against Central Services - -You're putting your talents to very odd use Mr Lowry - yes, odd use - to pit wits against Central Services - ...sod you, stupid twit. -Sign here, please. ... ere please. -This is what you get when you have cowboys round yer ducts. ... yer ducts. -... yer ducts. I think you've got your T41 crystal inductor wired up to a reverse bobbin- threaded-solenoid-control. It's either that or a new washer. -I think you've got your T41 crystal inductor wired up to a reverse bobbin- threaded-solenoid-control. It's either that or a new washer. ... new washer. -... new washer. Sign the form so we can get to it. -Sign the form so we can get to it. ... get to it. -Ah ha ... there you are, Sam. What? How do you know my name? -What? How do you know my name? We know everything here. This is the Storeroom of Knowledge. -We know everything here. This is the Storeroom of Knowledge. Then perhaps you can help me. I've lost someone who ... -Then perhaps you can help me. I've lost someone who ... We know that too. You've come to the right place. -Oh, yes. We've got everything here. Every bit of knowledge, wisdom, learning ... every experience, every thought neatly filed away. What? You mean you've got ... -What? You mean you've got ... Well not exactly. But, if you help us we'll help you. The Forces Of Darkness have won the day ... but, tomorrow is another one -Well not exactly. But, if you help us we'll help you. The Forces Of Darkness have won the day ... but, tomorrow is another one What do I have to do. -What do I have to do. You must save the day. -Er ... Thanks ... It's reply paid. -It's reply paid. Oh ... Thank you very much, mother, but actually - -Oh ... Thank you very much, mother, but actually - You don't have to sing it. -You don't have to sing it. Oh, right ... -Aren't you a bit late? - the party started half an hour ago. Yes, I know. It's the backlog, everybody complains. Was it all right otherwise? -Yes, I know. It's the backlog, everybody complains. Was it all right otherwise? Yes, it was ... very nice ... thank you. -Yes, it was ... very nice ... thank you. Do you mind if I use your bathroom? -Go away. Her name is Jill. -Her name is Jill. What? ...Jill? Jill who? Jill who? -What? ...Jill? Jill who? Jill who? Layton. -Layton. Jill Layton ... You're a very good little girl. What are you doing here? -Jill Layton ... You're a very good little girl. What are you doing here? I'm waiting for my daddy. -I'm waiting for my daddy. He will be pleased when he comes home. -Deputy minister, what do you believe is behind this recent increase in terrorist bombings? Bad sportsmanship. A ruthless minority of people seems to have forgotten certain good old fashioned virtues. They just can't stand seeing the other fellow win. If these people would just play the game, instead of standing on the touch line heckling - -Bad sportsmanship. A ruthless minority of people seems to have forgotten certain good old fashioned virtues. They just can't stand seeing the other fellow win. If these people would just play the game, instead of standing on the touch line heckling - In fact, killing people - -In fact, killing people - - In fact, killing people - they'd get a lot more out of life. -Mr. HELPMANN, what would you say to those critics who maintain that the Ministry Of Information has become too large and unwieldy ...? David ... in a free society information is the name of the game. You can't win the game if you're a man short. -And the cost of it all, Deputy Minister? Seven percent of the gross national produce ... I understand this concern on behalf of the tax-payers. People want value for money and a cost-effective service. -Do you think that the government is winning the battle against terrorists? On yes. Our morale is much higher than theirs, we're fielding all their strokes, running a lot of them out, and pretty consistently knocking them for six. I'd say they're nearly out of the game. -But the bombing campaign is now in its thirteenth year ... Beginner's luck. -Thank you very much, Deputy Minister. Thank you, David ... and a very merry Christmas to you all. -Thanks very much Sam. That's all right Mr Helpmann. Glad to help. -If I can help you ... Well, I ... -Sorry ... Your father and I were very close. Of course Jeremiah was senior to me but we were close friends ... especially after the bombing and I keep his name alive at the office every day. -I know he would have wanted me to help you ... And I promised your mother I'd take you onto the team at information Retrieval. But I gather that ... Mr Helpmann. I've changed my mind. I'd like to accept the transfer - am I too late? -Mr Helpmann. I've changed my mind. I'd like to accept the transfer - am I too late? Too late? That's for me to say. -Too late? That's for me to say. Well ... well, I ... -Sam, what are we going to do with you? Can you hear me, Sam? Where's Jill? What have you done to her? Where is she?! -Where's Jill? What have you done to her? Where is she?! Gillian Layton? -Gillian Layton? Yes, you've got to get me out of here. I've got to find her. -Yes, you've got to get me out of here. I've got to find her. I understand, Sam, I know exactly how you feel. So I brought you a bottle of barley water. -Help me! I assure you, Sam, I'm doing everything within my power. But the rules of the game are laid down, and we all have to play by them - even me. -I assure you, Sam, I'm doing everything within my power. But the rules of the game are laid down, and we all have to play by them - even me. This is all a mistake! Don't you understand?! -This is all a mistake! Don't you understand?! Yes, well, from the Department's point of view you're certainly a bit of an own goal, but ... -Yes, well, from the Department's point of view you're certainly a bit of an own goal, but ... I'm not a terrorist! You must know that! I'm not guilty! Get me out of here! -I'm not a terrorist! You must know that! I'm not guilty! Get me out of here! Sam, if you've been going out there and playing a straight bat, all the way down the line, you've got absolutely nothing to worry about. -Sam, if you've been going out there and playing a straight bat, all the way down the line, you've got absolutely nothing to worry about. Please, I've got to find Jill. -Please, I've got to find Jill. Sam, I think I ought to tell you ... I'm afraid she's upped stumps and retired to the pavilion. -Yes, it's all a bit confusing but, it seems she was killed resisting arrest. No, no ... I did that... -Sam! Jack! -Jack! Long time no see! -Long time no see! Well, since you disappeared up the ladder of Information Retrieval ... I don't expect to see you slumming in Records - what's the problem? -Well, since you disappeared up the ladder of Information Retrieval ... I don't expect to see you slumming in Records - what's the problem? Problem? - No problem - yes, everything's going fantastically well, wonderful, marvelous, great career prospects, Alison in great shape, kids fine, beautiful home, I'm on Security Level Five now, and Mr Helpmann relies on me more and more, yes, couldn't be better, I feel terrifically motivated and job- rewarded - -Problem? - No problem - yes, everything's going fantastically well, wonderful, marvelous, great career prospects, Alison in great shape, kids fine, beautiful home, I'm on Security Level Five now, and Mr Helpmann relies on me more and more, yes, couldn't be better, I feel terrifically motivated and job- rewarded - You sound worried. -You sound worried. Me? - if I'm worried about anyone, it's you. What happened to you, Sam? You were the brightest of us - -What's the matter? Sorry. Nothing. See you - I'm going to be late. -Sorry. Nothing. See you - I'm going to be late. You are late. -You are late. Even later. -Even later. Sam, your life is going wrong - let your friends tell you - Records is a dead end department, no Security Level worth a damn, it's impossible to get noticed - -Sam, your life is going wrong - let your friends tell you - Records is a dead end department, no Security Level worth a damn, it's impossible to get noticed - Yes, I know, fantastic, marvellous, wonderful - remember me to Alison - and the - er - twins. -Yes, I know, fantastic, marvellous, wonderful - remember me to Alison - and the - er - twins. Triplets. -Triplets. Really? - God, how time flies! -Hello, Jack! You remember Alison? -{winking at Sam) She doesn't like me telling anyone but she's pleased as anything really. Er, I knew you looked different. -Er, I knew you looked different. Remember how they used to stick out? -Remember how they used to stick out? What? - Oh, yes - vividly. I used to wonder if they were real. -Dr. Jaffe has pinned her ears back. Quite, absolutely - I always thought they were false. -Quite, absolutely - I always thought they were false. Mr Helpmann! -Jack!! SAM! What a surprise! -SAM! What a surprise! Are you officer 412/L? -Sorry about that ... Mr Helpmann told me you were coming aboard - congratulations! Thanks. Are you officer 412/L? -Thanks. Are you officer 412/L? For my sins. Are you settling in alright? -For my sins. Are you settling in alright? Yes, thanks. -Yes, thanks. Terrific. I'm really glad you dropped by. Unfortunately, I don't have any time right now I've got a queue of customers to deal with - er, why don't we have a drink tonight? -Terrific. I'm really glad you dropped by. Unfortunately, I don't have any time right now I've got a queue of customers to deal with - er, why don't we have a drink tonight? Ah ... -Ah ... What? -What? I don't want to take up your time now, but I was hoping you could give me some information on somebody. It's a security level three matter and Information Retrieval records says to refer to you. -I don't want to take up your time now, but I was hoping you could give me some information on somebody. It's a security level three matter and Information Retrieval records says to refer to you. OK. Come back this afternoon, about four o'clock. If you give me the number of the case, I'll have the dossier here waiting. My tailor,... well worth the investment. -OK. Come back this afternoon, about four o'clock. If you give me the number of the case, I'll have the dossier here waiting. My tailor,... well worth the investment. I've got numbers all over these - I'm not sure which is the one you want. -I've got numbers all over these - I'm not sure which is the one you want. Layton! Oh shit! -Layton! Oh shit! What is it? -What is it? You clever bastard! I might have guessed. You only moved in today and you're already hot on the bloody trail. -You clever bastard! I might have guessed. You only moved in today and you're already hot on the bloody trail. Am I? -Am I? Please, Sam, we're going to have to be open to each other on this one. If you make a reputation with this case, it'll be at my expense. -Please, Sam, we're going to have to be open to each other on this one. If you make a reputation with this case, it'll be at my expense. How do you mean? -How do you mean? How much do you know? -How much do you know? Not much. -Not much. Enough though, eh? -Enough though, eh? Not really, no. -OK. OK. Let's not fence around ... This is the situation. Some idiot somewhere in the building, some insect, confused two of our clients, B58/732 and T47/215. B58/732, that's A. Buttle isn't it? -B58/732, that's A. Buttle isn't it? Christ! You do know it all! -Christ! You do know it all! No, no, I don't. I'm just beginning Honestly. Sorry, carry on. -No, no, I don't. I'm just beginning Honestly. Sorry, carry on. Well, your A. Buttle has been confused with T47/215, an A. Tuttle. I mean, it's a joke! Somebody should be shot for that. So B58/732 was pulled in by mistake. -Well, your A. Buttle has been confused with T47/215, an A. Tuttle. I mean, it's a joke! Somebody should be shot for that. So B58/732 was pulled in by mistake. You got the wrong man. -You got the wrong man. I did not get the wrong man. I got the right man. The wrong man was delivered to me as the right man! I accepted him, on trust, as the right man. Was I wrong? Anyway, to add to the confusion, he died on us. Which, had he been the right man, he wouldn't have done. -I did not get the wrong man. I got the right man. The wrong man was delivered to me as the right man! I accepted him, on trust, as the right man. Was I wrong? Anyway, to add to the confusion, he died on us. Which, had he been the right man, he wouldn't have done. You killed him? -You killed him? Sam, there are very rigid parameters laid down to avoid that event but Buttle's heart condition did not appear on Tuttle's file. Don't think I'm dismissing this business, Sam. I've lost a week's sleep over it already. -Sam, there are very rigid parameters laid down to avoid that event but Buttle's heart condition did not appear on Tuttle's file. Don't think I'm dismissing this business, Sam. I've lost a week's sleep over it already. I'm sure you have -I'm sure you have There are some real bastards in this department who don't mind breaking a few eggs to make an omelette, but thank God there are the new boys like me who want to maintain decent civilized standards of terrorist eradication. We've got the upper hand for the moment, but they're waiting for us to slip up, and a little slip- up like this is just the chance they're looking for. -There are some real bastards in this department who don't mind breaking a few eggs to make an omelette, but thank God there are the new boys like me who want to maintain decent civilized standards of terrorist eradication. We've got the upper hand for the moment, but they're waiting for us to slip up, and a little slip- up like this is just the chance they're looking for. So how ...? -So how ...? What I've got to do now is pick up Tuttle, interrogate him at the same voltage as Buttle, to the same meter reading to the last penny, and juggle the books in electrical banking. -What I've got to do now is pick up Tuttle, interrogate him at the same voltage as Buttle, to the same meter reading to the last penny, and juggle the books in electrical banking. What has Tuttle done? -What has Tuttle done? We suspect him of freelance subversion. -We suspect him of freelance subversion. He's a freelance subversive? -He's a freelance subversive? He's a compulsive heating engineer. A maverick ex-Central Service repair man with a grudge against society. Now, fortunately, we're nearly out of the wood, I think. At least we will be when I get this Layton woman under arrest. -What's she done? You didn't know as much about this business as you pretended to, did you? -You didn't know as much about this business as you pretended to, did you? Er ... no. -Er ... no. Very smart. -Very smart. Er ... but I would've found out anyway. -Er ... but I would've found out anyway. Yes. I'm impressed. -Yes. I'm impressed. Tell me about Layton. -Tell me about Layton. She witnessed the Tuttle arrest - the Buttle arrest - and since then she's been making wild allegations, obviously trying to exploit the situation - she's working for somebody, and she's not working for us. -She witnessed the Tuttle arrest - the Buttle arrest - and since then she's been making wild allegations, obviously trying to exploit the situation - she's working for somebody, and she's not working for us. A terrorist? -But surely, I mean, perhaps she just happened to live above the Buttles, and ... Look after that suit, eh. Barbara chose it for me. -Look after that suit, eh. Barbara chose it for me. Right. Er, you're not going to keep calling her Barbara, are you? -Right. Er, you're not going to keep calling her Barbara, are you? Barbara's a perfectly good name, isn't it? -Barbara's a perfectly good name, isn't it? Look, about the Layton woman - maybe she's just trying to help the Buttle family. -Look, about the Layton woman - maybe she's just trying to help the Buttle family. Why? -Why? Why? Hell, not for any reason ... -Why? Hell, not for any reason ... {baffled) I don't follow you. -{baffled) I don't follow you. Out of kindness. -Out of kindness. Kindness? What's the purpose behind this line of enquiry? -Kindness? What's the purpose behind this line of enquiry? So what are you going to do about her? -So what are you going to do about her? Get her out of circulation - I've put her on the detention list. -Get her out of circulation - I've put her on the detention list. You mean you're going to invite her in so that she can spill the beans inside the department? -You mean you're going to invite her in so that she can spill the beans inside the department? Well, I ... Good point. What do you suggest? -Well, I ... Good point. What do you suggest? Let me try to get to her. I'll deactivate her. -Let me try to get to her. I'll deactivate her. What does that mean? I don't want to be involved in anything unsavoury. -What does that mean? I don't want to be involved in anything unsavoury. Trust me. You do trust me, don't you? -Trust me. You do trust me, don't you? Of course. We went to school together. You're my oldest friend. -Of course. We went to school together. You're my oldest friend. And you're mine. -And you're mine. You're the only person I can trust. -You're the only person I can trust. Then we'd better keep this business just between the two of us. -Then we'd better keep this business just between the two of us. Right! Just between as and the Security Forces. -Right! Just between as and the Security Forces. They weren't at school with us. -They weren't at school with us. But, I've already put her on the search and detain list. -But, I've already put her on the search and detain list. Take her off the list. -Take her off the list. There's no procedure for that until she's been arrested. -There's no procedure for that until she's been arrested. Say it was a mistake. -Say it was a mistake. We don't make mistakes. -We don't make mistakes. Well, I'd better get out there and try to get to her before security does. Let me borrow her dossier for a while. -Well, I'd better get out there and try to get to her before security does. Let me borrow her dossier for a while. Er ... alright. For Christ's sake don't lose it. Here, you'd better sign for it. -Thanks, Jack. I'll be in touch. Do you know what you're doing. -Do you know what you're doing. Trust me. -Trust me. Sam ... we're proud to have you at Information Retrieval. Merry Xmas. -Come off it, Jack! Of course you can check to see if she's been arrested. I'm sorry, Sam, I'm afraid this whole case has become much more complicated since last we talked. -I'm sorry, Sam, I'm afraid this whole case has become much more complicated since last we talked. She's innocent, Jack --- she's done nothing wrong. -She's innocent, Jack --- she's done nothing wrong. Tell that to the wives of the Security men she blew up this afternoon. Listen, we've also had a report just in from Central Services that Tuttle has wrecked an entire flat and sabotaged adjacent Central Services systems - as a matter of fact, in your block. I'd keep my eyes open if I were you, Sam. Bye. -Tell that to the wives of the Security men she blew up this afternoon. Listen, we've also had a report just in from Central Services that Tuttle has wrecked an entire flat and sabotaged adjacent Central Services systems - as a matter of fact, in your block. I'd keep my eyes open if I were you, Sam. Bye. You don't really think Tuttle and the girl are in league? -You don't really think Tuttle and the girl are in league? I do. Goodbye. -It could all be coincidental. There are no coincidences, Sam. Everything's connected, all along the line. Cause and effect. That's the beauty of it. Our job is to trace the connections and reveal them. This whole Buttle/Tuttle confusion was obviously planned from the inside. Bye bye. -Jack, she's innocent! Sam - we've always been close, haven't we? -Sam - we've always been close, haven't we? Yes we have, Jack! -Yes we have, Jack! Well, could you stay away from me until this thing blows over. -Jack?... Jack? Shut up! -Shut up! Jack, I'm innocent! Help me. -Jack, I'm innocent! Help me. Bastard!!! -Bastard!!! This is all a mistake. Jack, please take that mask off. -You stupid bastard! What? -What? How could you do this to me? -How could you do this to me? Help me, Jack! I'm frightened! -Help me, Jack! I'm frightened! How do you think I feel? You shit! -How do you think I feel? You shit! Jack ... -Jack ... Shut up! This is a professional relationship! -I want to report a wrongful arrest. You want Information Adjustments. Different department. -You want Information Adjustments. Different department. I've been to Information Adjustments. They sent me here. They told me you had a form I had to fill in. -I've been to Information Adjustments. They sent me here. They told me you had a form I had to fill in. Have you got an Arrest Receipt? -Have you got an Arrest Receipt? Yes. -Yes. Is it stamped? -Is it stamped? Stamped? -Stamped? No, there's no stamp on it. You see! I can't give you the form until it's stamped. -No, there's no stamp on it. You see! I can't give you the form until it's stamped. Where do I get it stamped? -Where do I get it stamped? Information Adjustments. -But you've stamped this form before! Why won't you stamp it now? You've just said yourself, Miss, we've already stamped it. Why should we stamp it twice? -You're a stupid, fat arsed, obstructive, fascist moron aren't you? If you say so. -If you say so. You think these are tits don't you? -You think these are tits don't you? Ah. -Ah. I bet you'd like to touch them? -I bet you'd like to touch them? Oh. -Oh. Well don't. You're looking at twenty pounds of high explosive! And if you don't stamp this form I'm going to blow the place up! -Are you alright? It's you ... it's you ... -It's you ... it's you ... Mrs Buttle, are you alright? -Who are you? Let go! Don't look back! Act naturally! -Don't look back! Act naturally! How can I act naturally, when you've trying to break my arm? -Ow! That hurt! Good! -What are you doing? For Christ's sake! Get moving! Who are you? -Bloody hell! Do as I say! No. -No. Please! -Alright! Alright! Alright! I'm Information Retrieval Officer - DZ/015, and I'm arresting you for - your own good! Now start up and get moving before I hand you back to them! Them? -Them? Us. Them. I don't know ... just get going. -Don't litter my cab! Oh, sorry. -... This is amazing ... for me ... being here with you. I mean, in my dreams you ... I don't want to hear about your fucking dreams! -I don't want to hear about your fucking dreams! Oh. But ... Look, I'm sorry I shouted at you. -Oh. But ... Look, I'm sorry I shouted at you. Why are they all pigs at Information Retrieval? -Why are they all pigs at Information Retrieval? I don't know. Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say. -You know, smoking's bad for you. It's my fucking life. -It's my fucking life. Yes, of course. Sorry. -Yes, of course. Sorry. I know you. I saw you through the floor, didn't I? -I know you. I saw you through the floor, didn't I? Yes. Ceiling. Why did you run away? -Yes. Ceiling. Why did you run away? I didn't run away. I left the flat. -I didn't run away. I left the flat. Why? -Why? I didn't like it. -I didn't like it. Why not? -Why not? It had a hole in the floor. Where are we going? -It had a hole in the floor. Where are we going? Where are you taking me? -Where are you taking me? What? -What? Where are you taking me? -Where are you taking me? Ah ... Er ... It looks as if you're taking me. -Ah ... Er ... It looks as if you're taking me. It does doesn't it? -It does doesn't it? Where are you taking me? -What's going on here? What does it look like ... I'm collecting empties. -OK. What's in the parcel? What parcel? -It's heavy. A heavy Christmas present. -What are you doing in Information Retrieval? Looking for you. -Looking for you. No, really. -No, really. Really. -Really. I mean, it doesn't suit you. -I mean, it doesn't suit you. Suit me? -Suit me? Don't you know the sort of thing that Information Retrieval does? -Don't you know the sort of thing that Information Retrieval does? What do you mean? Would you rather have terrorists? -What do you mean? Would you rather have terrorists? We've got both. -We've got both. Things would be worse without Information Retrieval. -Things would be worse without Information Retrieval. They couldn't be worse for the Buttles. -Why don't you say, no system is perfect. Well, no system is. -Well, no system is. Say, all wars have innocent victims. -Say, all wars have innocent victims. Well, all wars do - -Well, all wars do - Who is this war against, Sam? -Who is this war against, Sam? Well, terrorists of course. -Well, terrorists of course. How many terrorists have you met? Actual terrorists? -How many terrorists have you met? Actual terrorists? Actual. terrorists? Well ... it's only my first day. -Look at that - right on time. What? I thought you were free to come and go as you please. -What? I thought you were free to come and go as you please. Well, almost ... unfortunately I do have to punch in by 5.00 every day. -Well, almost ... unfortunately I do have to punch in by 5.00 every day. Every day? -Every day? Turn around! -Turn around! What? -What? They'll be there waiting. -They'll be there waiting. Who will? -Who will? Security. -Security. You're joking. -You're joking. No. Please. They're going to arrest you. -No. Please. They're going to arrest you. I thought you arrested me. -I thought you arrested me. Yes ... but, this is real. Now, stop! -Yes ... but, this is real. Now, stop! Cut it out, Sam. -Cut it out, Sam. Will you please turn back. -Will you please turn back. Get away! -Get away! Turn! -Turn! Stop it ... damn you! -I was right! Step on it! Let go! We've got to stop! -Let go! We've got to stop! Now you're the one that's out of your mind. -Now you're the one that's out of your mind. Sam ... we can't outrace them. You'll kill us! -Come on, let's go! Let's get out of here! Oh God! What have we done? -Oh God! What have we done? We? Don't blame me! -We? Don't blame me! It wasn't supposed to happen like this. -It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Shit! The house is on fire! -Shit! The house is on fire! """And your children all gone.""" -"""And your children all gone.""" What? -What? """Lady bird, lady bird, fly away home, your house is on fire and your children all gone"" ... Do you think anyone's hurt?" -"""Lady bird, lady bird, fly away home, your house is on fire and your children all gone"" ... Do you think anyone's hurt?" Yes. Come out, I know you're in there -This is a hell of a time to buy a nightie. Are you still following me? -Are you still following me? Please, Jill ... I love you. -Please, Jill ... I love you. Go away. -Go away. There are plenty of other safe places. Why don't we go back to my flat? -There are plenty of other safe places. Why don't we go back to my flat? Leave me alone! -Leave me alone! You've got to trust me. It sounds silly but I know we were meant to meet. -You've got to trust me. It sounds silly but I know we were meant to meet. You mean you were meant to hijack my truck, make me crash it, and have every security man in town looking for me? -You mean you were meant to hijack my truck, make me crash it, and have every security man in town looking for me? I vas just trying to help. I decided to trust you. Maybe I was wrong. Whose side are you on really? Who are your friends? Who was the man who gave you the parcel? What's in it? It's the only thing you saved from the lorry .... It must he something very special. -I vas just trying to help. I decided to trust you. Maybe I was wrong. Whose side are you on really? Who are your friends? Who was the man who gave you the parcel? What's in it? It's the only thing you saved from the lorry .... It must he something very special. I saved you from the lorry and you're not very special. -I saved you from the lorry and you're not very special. ........... It's a bomb isn't it? -........... It's a bomb isn't it? Oh ... Jesus! -I'm going to open it! No you're not! -Jill! What are you do ... I mean ... how did you ... Are you alright? Yes. -Yes. What happened to you after ... -What happened to you after ... Your face ... are you hurt? -Your face ... are you hurt? No. No. I'm fine. I was worried sick about you ... I thought ... -They're gone. Are you sure? -Are you sure? Yes. -Don't you like parties? C'mon. We've got to get out of here. -Make yourself at home. Don't answer the phone or open he door to anyone. I won't be long. Where are you going? -Where are you going? I'm going to pull some strings. It's our only hope. -I'm going to pull some strings. It's our only hope. Don't do anything silly. -Don't do anything silly. Thanks for the vote of confidence. -Thanks for the vote of confidence. Take care. -What do you think? ... is it me? You don't exist any more. I've killed you. Jill Layton is dead. -Perhaps the machine's on the blink! It keeps picking up old films. That can't he right, can it? It's not the machine. There's a mismatch on the personnel code numbers... Ah there we go! That's a B58/732 when it should be a T47/215 ... Tuttle ... he should have £31.06, debited against his account for electrical procedures, not Buttle. -It's not the machine. There's a mismatch on the personnel code numbers... Ah there we go! That's a B58/732 when it should be a T47/215 ... Tuttle ... he should have £31.06, debited against his account for electrical procedures, not Buttle. Oh my God, a mistake! -Oh my God, a mistake! It's not our mistake! -It's not our mistake! Isn't it? Whose is it? -Isn't it? Whose is it? Information Retrieval. -Information Retrieval. Oh, good! -Oh, good! Expediting has put in for electrical procedures in respect of Buttle, Archibald, shoe repair operative, but Security has invoiced Admin for Tuttle, Archibald, heating engineer -What a relief! I don't know what I'd do if you ever got promoted. Don't worry. -Don't worry. But if they did promote you -But if they did promote you I've told you before. I'd turn it down. -I've told you before. I'd turn it down. Would you really, Sam? -Would you really, Sam? Really. -Really. You've been promoted. -It's your mother isn't it? Pulling strings again. What a BITCH! -A cheque. The refund for Tuttle! -The refund for Tuttle! Tuttle? -Tuttle? I mean, Buttle! It's been confusion from the word go! He's been wrongly charged for Electromemorytherapy and someone somewhere is trying to make us carry the can! -I mean, Buttle! It's been confusion from the word go! He's been wrongly charged for Electromemorytherapy and someone somewhere is trying to make us carry the can! I've never seen a Ministry cheque before. -I've never seen a Ministry cheque before. We've got to get rid of it! There's been a balls-up somewhere, and when the music stops they'll jump on whoever's holding the cheque! -We've got to get rid of it! There's been a balls-up somewhere, and when the music stops they'll jump on whoever's holding the cheque! Send it to somebody else. Send it to Buttle. It's his cheque. -Send it to somebody else. Send it to Buttle. It's his cheque. I've tried that! Population Census have got him down as dormanted, the Central Collective Storehouse computer has got him down as deleted, and the Information Retrieval have got him down as inoperative ... Security has him down as excised., Admin have him down as completed -I've tried that! Population Census have got him down as dormanted, the Central Collective Storehouse computer has got him down as deleted, and the Information Retrieval have got him down as inoperative ... Security has him down as excised., Admin have him down as completed Hang on. -He is dead. Dead! Oh no! That's terrible! We'll never get rid of the damned thing! What are we going to do? -Dead! Oh no! That's terrible! We'll never get rid of the damned thing! What are we going to do? Try next of kin. -Try next of kin. Next of kin! -There we go. Mrs. Veronica Buttle. What's the number on the cheque? 27156789/074328/K. -Problem. She doesn't have a bank account. Well, that's it! I may as well go and hang myself! This sort of thing couldn't have happened before the stupid seventh tier reorganization! That was Simmons doing! And he and Jeffries always sit together at lunch! The bastards! Ow! Perhaps we can lose it ... behind the filing cabinet ... or destroy it ... burn it ... eat it ... -You'd never get away with it. Besides, you can't do that to somebody's refund. It's Christmas. There is one more option. What? -What? Drive out to Mrs Buttle, give her the cheque, tell her to sign her name on the back, cash it at the corner sweet shop. -Here. What do I do next? Call the motor pool and authorise personal transport. -Call the motor pool and authorise personal transport. Of course, of course. Leave it to me. How do I authorize a cheque? -Of course, of course. Leave it to me. How do I authorize a cheque? Here we are. Pink and blue receipts. All you've got to do is sign these and the back of the cheque. -Oh God! I think I've broken a bone. What a pathetic thing I am. Here. -That's it. You are good to me Sam. -You are good to me Sam. Don't mention it. See you later. -Is it all right about Mrs Buttle's cheque? I delivered it. -I delivered it. Can I forget it? -Can I forget it? Yes. -Damn! Blast! What's the matter? -What's the matter? You don't happen to know how I can get around an IRQ/3 do you? -You don't happen to know how I can get around an IRQ/3 do you? All information on 3rd Level Suspects is classified. -All information on 3rd Level Suspects is classified. I know that. -I know that. All enquiries to Information Retrieval. Which is hopeless, of course. They never tell you anything. But come the time they want something from us ... -I've go to accept that promotion to get behind this, haven't I? Yes. NO! You can't! You've only just turned it down! -Yes. NO! You can't! You've only just turned it down! I never signed the form. -I never signed the form. I did it for you. -I did it for you. What! Shit! -What! Shit! It's what you wanted isn't it? -It's what you wanted isn't it? Yes ... No ... I don't, know. -No, you can't have any more chairs! There's only one left in here now, and I need that to sit on! Oh ... er, sorry. Who are you? Sam Lowry. -Sam Lowry. Ah, yes, you're the new boy from next door, ha ha! My name's Lime. Harvey Lime. Welcome to Expediting. -Ah, yes, you're the new boy from next door, ha ha! My name's Lime. Harvey Lime. Welcome to Expediting. Ah. Would you mind if I borrowed your computer console? -Ah. Would you mind if I borrowed your computer console? What? -What? I'll bring it back in ten minutes. -I'll bring it back in ten minutes. You want to take my console into your office? -You want to take my console into your office? Yes. -Yes. I'll tell you what .... You tell me what and I'll do it for. I'm a bit of a whizz on this thing. -Alright. There's someone I want to check out. A woman called Gillian Layton. A woman eh? I see. -A woman eh? I see. I know her age and distinguishing marks. But I need an address or a place of work or something -I know her age and distinguishing marks. But I need an address or a place of work or something This is your dream girl, is it? -This is your dream girl, is it? What? Look, let me use the console for a few minutes. -What? Look, let me use the console for a few minutes. You must be joking - When there's a woman involved - there's no stopping me. Now, let me have that sheet. -Sod it, it's broken! You haven't switched it on. -You haven't switched it on. Oh - yes. Look you're putting me off, standing there! Go back to your office and I'll give you a knock when I've finished. -Hey - that's my desk! Gillian Layton - Suspect S/5173. Truck driver! All enquiries, reference officer 412/L - Room 5001. That's what I wanted to know. Thank you very much. -Lime, I need to use your computer Sorry, a bit busy at the moment. You seem to have quite a lot to do yourself. -My mother said it would be all right. She didn't say anything about it to me. -She didn't say anything about it to me. Well, she's my mother, not yours. -Well, she's my mother, not yours. I won't be held responsible. -I won't be held responsible. How long will she he away? -How long will she he away? There are some who go to Dr. Jaffe's clinic who never come back at all. -Hello, Spiro. Merry Christmas. I'm sorry but ... -I'm sorry but ... You remember Samuel, my son. -You remember Samuel, my son. {suddenly unctious) Oh, but of course ... -{suddenly unctious) Oh, but of course ... We're meeting Mrs Terrain. -Oh, to hell with the diet, a number eight, please. A most perceptive choice, Madam, if I may say so. Monsieur? -Numero une, crevettes à la mayonaaise. I'm sorry Alma, I didn't mean to sound so ... -I just wish you would stop interfering, mother! I don't want promotion. I'm happy where I am. No you're not. Jack Lint is a lesson to you - he never had your brains but he's got the ambition. You haven't got the ambition but luckily you've got me. And Mr Helpmann. Mr Helpmann was very close - -Mr Helpmann was very close to your poor father. He was very close to me. Still is. He'll take you under his wing at Information Retrieval. You'll like it when you get there. You're not listening, mother. -I hope you like it. It's very exclusive. What is it? -What is it? It's something for executives. -What were we saying? This isn't rare! -This isn't rare! By the way, I saw a wonderful idea for Christmas presents at the chemists. Gift tokens. Medical gift tokens. -Actually, Alma, that's one of the little things I was dying to tell you ... Sam's been promoted to Information Retrieval. Mother! -Sam ... you haven't had dessert. I'm sorry. I don' t want dessert. I don't want promotion. I don't want anything. -I'm sorry. I don' t want dessert. I don't want promotion. I don't want anything. Don't be childish, Samuel. Of course you want something. You must have hopes, wishes, dreams. -Mother? Is that you? Of course. Isn't it wonderful? The bandages came of this afternoon. Come and join the fun. Everybody's here. -Of course. Isn't it wonderful? The bandages came of this afternoon. Come and join the fun. Everybody's here. Is Mr Helpmann here? -Is Mr Helpmann here? Yes he is - he wants to talk to you. -Yes he is - he wants to talk to you. I want to talk to him. -It seems you're the first person ever to turn down a promotion. He thinks you should see a doctor. Actually, I've decided ... -Sam!!! Mother? ... What ... what's ... you've got to help me ... -Mother? ... What ... what's ... you've got to help me ... Not now ... please -It's a refund ... I'm afraid there was a mistake. Mistake? -Mistake? Yes. Not my department ... I'm only records. It seems that Mr Buttle was overcharged by Information Retrieval. I don't think they usually make mistakes ... but, er ... I suppose we're all human. -My husband's dead, isn't he? Er ... I assure you Mrs Buttle, the Ministry is always very scrupulous about following up and eradicating error. If you have any complaints which you'd like to make, I'd be more than happy to send you the appropriate forms. -Er ... I assure you Mrs Buttle, the Ministry is always very scrupulous about following up and eradicating error. If you have any complaints which you'd like to make, I'd be more than happy to send you the appropriate forms. What have you done with his body? -What have you done with his body? Um ... -Uh ... He hadn't done anything ... He was good ... What have you done with his body? -Really, Sam - when are you going to do something about these terrorists? What? Now? It's my lunch hour. -Whatever happened to you? There was a slight complication. Dr. Chapman says it often happens with a delicate skin like mine. Nothing to worry about. He's promised me I'll have these bandages off in a ... -There was a slight complication. Dr. Chapman says it often happens with a delicate skin like mine. Nothing to worry about. He's promised me I'll have these bandages off in a ... Actually, there's someone I want to meet ... -Actually, there's someone I want to meet ... I know, I know ...! -Here we are! I'm going to leave you two lovebirds in peace. I ... uh ... -Ah ... hello, Mrs Terrain. SAM lets go of the parcel and pushes JILL away. She moves off. I think that'll hold it. Hello Shirley. Just helping someone tie up a Christmas present. How are you? -I think that'll hold it. Hello Shirley. Just helping someone tie up a Christmas present. How are you? My complication had a complication, but Dr Chapman says I'll soon be up and bouncing about like a young gazelle. Are you buying a Christmas present for your mother? -My complication had a complication, but Dr Chapman says I'll soon be up and bouncing about like a young gazelle. Are you buying a Christmas present for your mother? Er, yes ... -Er, yes ... Shirley and I come here regularly. I love romantic lingerie. -I can't make up my mind whether to have a number one or a number two. What do you recommend, Spiro? Between you and me, Madam, today the number two. -Between you and me, Madam, today the number two. Thank you, Spiro. Shirley, what are you going to have? -Numero huit, braised veal in wine sauce. It's too exciting. I've left Dr Jaffe and gone to Dr. Chapman. -It's too exciting. I've left Dr Jaffe and gone to Dr. Chapman. Numero deux, duck a l'orange. -That's all right Ida ... it's just that he's such an artist. To him, cutting is so crude ... so primitive. Numero trois, steak. Monsieur, Mesdames, Bon appetit. -Hello - Central Services - I'm at 579B Block l9, Northwestern Section D - that's exit 1 on Green Pastures Highway at the Orange Blossom Flyover - and I've got trouble with the air- conditioning Thank you or calling Central Services. am sorry, due to temporary staff shortage, Central Services cannot take service calls centrally between 2300 and 0900 hours - have a nice day - this has not been a recording, incident- -Thank you or calling Central Services. am sorry, due to temporary staff shortage, Central Services cannot take service calls centrally between 2300 and 0900 hours - have a nice day - this has not been a recording, incident- This is an emergency! -This is an emergency! Thank you for calling Central Services. I am sorry, due - -Thank you for calling Central Services. I am sorry, due - Yes, but. I've got to have a heating engineer -Yes, but. I've got to have a heating engineer Thank you for calling Cen - -Hello ... hello ... Hello. Mr Lowry? -Hello. Mr Lowry? Who's that? -Put the phone down and your hands up. What? Who is this? -My name is Sam Lowry. I have to report to Mr Warren. Thirtieth floor, sir. You're expected. -Thirtieth floor, sir. You're expected. Er, don't you want to search me? -Er, don't you want to search me? No, sir. -No, sir. My I.D. cards. -My I.D. cards. No need, sir -No need, sir But I could be anybody. -But I could be anybody. No you couldn't, sir. This is Information Retrieval. the lift's arrived, sir. -Excuse me, Dawson, can you put me through to Mr Helpmann's office? I'm afraid I can't, sir. You have to go through the proper channels. -I'm afraid I can't, sir. You have to go through the proper channels. And you can't tell me what the proper channels are, because that's classified information? -And you can't tell me what the proper channels are, because that's classified information? I'm glad to see the Ministry's continuing its tradition of recruiting the brightest and best, sir. -I'm glad to see the Ministry's continuing its tradition of recruiting the brightest and best, sir. Thank you, Dawson. -Are we? Ah yes, the lady is waiting. -A steak, please. Rare. Mother, I need to ... Monsieur. Quel numero. -Monsieur. Quel numero. I don't know which numero. -I don't know which numero. Numero, trois. -what? ... Oh ... Madam ... CUT to WOMAN turning, half in flirtatious conversation. It is SAM's MOTHER, but miraculously another twenty years younger and ... a parody of SAM's Dream Girl. -Yes? Central Services. -No, not at all. I mean, it's all right. It's fixed. Fixed? -I mean it fixed itself. Fixed itself. -Now look what you've done to him. Have you got one or haven't you? -Have you got one or haven't you? Not ... as such ... -But we can get one. It's all right, Terry, it's all right, everything's all right. -It's all right, Terry, it's all right, everything's all right. I'm sorry, but I'm a bit of a stickler for paper work. Where would we be if we didn't follow the correct procedures? -I'm sorry, but I'm a bit of a stickler for paper work. Where would we be if we didn't follow the correct procedures? We'll be back. -What the - ? How did you - ? Emergency procedures. -Sign here please. What is it? -What is it? It's a 27B/6, what did you think it was? -What? Who fixed your ducts? -Hang on! Wait a minute! You can't just go and leave it like this! Why not? All you've got to do is blow yer nose and fix it, haven't you? -For God's sake, what's happened? Thermostat's gone. And then some. -What is it? It's a 27B/6 of course. -Nice and easy now. Keep your hands where I can see them. What is this? Who the hell are you? -Harry Tuttle. Heating engineer. At your service. Tuttle! Are you from Central Services? -Tuttle! Are you from Central Services? Ha!! -Ha!! But ... I called Central Services. -But ... I called Central Services. They're a bit overworked these days. Luckily I intercepted your call. -They're a bit overworked these days. Luckily I intercepted your call. What? -A little precaution, sir. I've had traps set for me before now. There are people in Central Services who'd love to get their hands on Harry Tuttle. Are you saying this is illegal? -Well, yes ... and no. Officially, only Central Service operatives are supposed to touch this stuff ... Could you hold these. ... but, with all the new rules and regulations ... unncgh, c'mon, c'mon ... they can't get decent staff any more ... so ... they tend to turn a blind eye ... as long as I'm careful. ... Mind you, if ever they could prove I'd been working on their equipment ... well, that's a different matter ... up a bit with the torch, sir. -... but, with all the new rules and regulations ... unncgh, c'mon, c'mon ... they can't get decent staff any more ... so ... they tend to turn a blind eye ... as long as I'm careful. ... Mind you, if ever they could prove I'd been working on their equipment ... well, that's a different matter ... up a bit with the torch, sir. Sorry. wouldn't it be easier just to work for Central Services? -Sorry. wouldn't it be easier just to work for Central Services? Couldn't stand the pa - ah - we're getting warm - -Couldn't stand the pa - ah - we're getting warm - The pace? -The pace? The paperwork, couldn't stand the paperwork. Over to the left please, if you don't mind sir. Hold it there. Yes, there's more bits of paper in Central Services than bits of pipe - read this, fill in that, hand in the other - listen, this old system of yours could be on fire and I couldn't even turn on the kitchen tap without filling in a 27B/6.... Bloody paperwork. -The paperwork, couldn't stand the paperwork. Over to the left please, if you don't mind sir. Hold it there. Yes, there's more bits of paper in Central Services than bits of pipe - read this, fill in that, hand in the other - listen, this old system of yours could be on fire and I couldn't even turn on the kitchen tap without filling in a 27B/6.... Bloody paperwork. Well I suppose one has to expect a certain amount -Well I suppose one has to expect a certain amount Why? I came into this game for adventure - go anywhere, travel light, get in, get out, wherever there's trouble, a man alone. Now they've got the whole country sectioned of and you can't move without a form. I'm the last of a breed. Ah ha! Found it! There's your problem. -Why? I came into this game for adventure - go anywhere, travel light, get in, get out, wherever there's trouble, a man alone. Now they've got the whole country sectioned of and you can't move without a form. I'm the last of a breed. Ah ha! Found it! There's your problem. Can you fix it? -Can you fix it? No. But I can bypass it with one of these -Are you expecting anyone? No. Wait here. -Listen .. um ... I don't want to get involved in any of this. But I work at the Ministry of Information, and I happen to know that Information Retrieval have been looking for an Archibald Tuttle, Heating Engineer. You wouldn't by any chance be - My friends call me Harry. Information Retrieval, eh? Interesting! -My friends call me Harry. Information Retrieval, eh? Interesting! What do they want you or? -What do they want you or? Time to go. -Thank you very much. How much will it...? On the house. You did me a favor. Check the corridor. -What am I going to to do with this guy? Pierce, I was just on the phone with Borough Command. Out of twelve shifts this month, you've been late for nine, sick four and that includes the shift where you came late and went home early. I'm sick. That's what I've been telling you. -I'm sick. That's what I've been telling you. You're killing me, you know that? You got no sick time according to Command. I've been told to terminate. -You're killing me, you know that? You got no sick time according to Command. I've been told to terminate. It's okay. I'll just get my things out of the locker. -It's okay. I'll just get my things out of the locker. I've never fired anyone in my life. -I've never fired anyone in my life. I'm sorry Captain. Don't take it too hard. -I'm sorry Captain. Don't take it too hard. Nobody tells me to fire anyone. I told them: shove it up the big one. Sorry. I said, you want to fire him, come over and do it yourself. -Nobody tells me to fire anyone. I told them: shove it up the big one. Sorry. I said, you want to fire him, come over and do it yourself. You know they won't do it. It's up to you. You gotta be strong. -You know they won't do it. It's up to you. You gotta be strong. I feel for you, but we got an emergency here. It's a weekend of full moons. Everyone's called in sick. Larry, Veeber, Stanley too. We need bodies out there. I had to put Marcus on Twelve Young. You know he's not supposed to work two nights in a row. -I feel for you, but we got an emergency here. It's a weekend of full moons. Everyone's called in sick. Larry, Veeber, Stanley too. We need bodies out there. I had to put Marcus on Twelve Young. You know he's not supposed to work two nights in a row. You swore you'd fire me if I came in late again. -You swore you'd fire me if I came in late again. I'll fire you tomorrow. Hell, better than that, I'll forward you some sick time. A week, two weeks off-- how about that? -I'll fire you tomorrow. Hell, better than that, I'll forward you some sick time. A week, two weeks off-- how about that? I don't think a week's gonna do it. -I don't think a week's gonna do it. I'm sorry, Pierce. You're going out with Marcus. Duty calls. The City needs you. -You're late, Pierce. I know, but I can't fire you. I've got nobody to work sixteen XRay with Walls. No ... -No ... I got some forms here to fill out about that accident when you get the time. I'll fire you tomorrow. I promise. -I got some forms here to fill out about that accident when you get the time. I'll fire you tomorrow. I promise. What if there is no tomorrow? -What if there is no tomorrow? Go on, get outta here, Pierce, before I give you a big hug. I love this guy. -No English. She has terrible pain in her belly. Pregnant. -Pregnant. No, no, that's impossible. -No, no, that's impossible. Are you pregnant? Estas embarazada? -Can you walk? Puedes caminar? She say she in great pain. -She say she in great pain. Thanks for the translation. What's your name? Nombre? -Is she dying? She's having a baby. Twins. -She's having a baby. Twins. Es impossible. -Es impossible. You can trust me on this one. -You can trust me on this one. It's a miracle. -You know each other a long time? Two years. Ever since we left island. -Two years. Ever since we left island. In that time, you ever have sex? -In that time, you ever have sex? Never. No cigarettes, no drugs, no booze. -Never. No cigarettes, no drugs, no booze. No underwear? -No underwear? We are virgins. -Hey Cy, guess who's here? Mary ... -It's okay, Kanita. Come on in. He looks like a cop. -He looks like a cop. He's not a cop, he's a medic. I'm CY Coates. -Frank, take it easy. what happened? He flipped out. -Be cool, man. You're having a paradoxical reaction. It can happen. Didn't I tell you this guy was stressed out? Stressed? He's psycho. -Frank Pierce. Mary said you might be coming. -Mary said you might be coming. Where is she? -Where is she? Sleeping in the back. -Sleeping in the back. She asked me to pick her up. -She asked me to pick her up. I know, but she told me to tell you she wants to crash here a few hours. Terrible about her father, isn't it? -I know, but she told me to tell you she wants to crash here a few hours. Terrible about her father, isn't it? I better just go in and see her. -She wanted something to help her sleep. Mary, we really have to go. -I'm always interested in people in stressful occupations and being a paramedic is about as stressful as I can imagine. Here, sit down. What's it like? Tell me some war stories. Got a beer? -That shit is poison, Frank. We don't drink alcohol here. What you need is one of these. Did you give Mary something called Red Death? -Did you give Mary something called Red Death? Red Death? Tell me something, Frank--does killing your clients make good business sense to you? The kids selling that shit have no sense. They'll be taken care of, don't worry about that. -Red Death? Tell me something, Frank--does killing your clients make good business sense to you? The kids selling that shit have no sense. They'll be taken care of, don't worry about that. I should be going. I just quit. -I should be going. I just quit. Sleep is all stress reduction. Here. You take one of these, sleep two hours, that's all you need. Why do you think I'm telling you this, Frank--for my health? You ought to look at yourself in the mirror, man. Kanita, get him a glass of water. -Is this what you gave Mary? That's the stuff. I call it the Red Lion. Very king-of-the-jungle. -I guess I'll be going. Just take it easy. -Does that hurt? No! -They're gonna torch the fence. You're gonna feel the metal getting warm, maybe very warm. I can't hold up my head anymore. -So, Frank, am I going to live? You're going to live. -You're going to live. I've been thinking about things. Meditating on my financial future. You guys gave me plenty of time to meditate on the future. Whatja do, stop for Chinese on the way over? There's plenty of food in my place. -I've been thinking about things. Meditating on my financial future. You guys gave me plenty of time to meditate on the future. Whatja do, stop for Chinese on the way over? There's plenty of food in my place. I was tired. I needed a coffee. -I was tired. I needed a coffee. What about Kanita? -What about Kanita? Dead. -Dead. That's too bad. Get some money, a nice looking girl on your arm, and everyone wants to take a piece. Some kid I wouldn't let wash my Mercedes is in my house, shooting at me. Damn, I thought I could make it onto the balcony like Tiger. He's fat, that's why, falls faster. I'm trying to watch my weight, and look what happens. Am I shot, Frank? -That's too bad. Get some money, a nice looking girl on your arm, and everyone wants to take a piece. Some kid I wouldn't let wash my Mercedes is in my house, shooting at me. Damn, I thought I could make it onto the balcony like Tiger. He's fat, that's why, falls faster. I'm trying to watch my weight, and look what happens. Am I shot, Frank? No. -No. Boy can't shoot for shit, either. Goddamn that's hot. -Twelve Young, I don't have time for your games. Now answer me or do I have to come out there myself? I usually don't do calls before coffee. But I think it might do you some good. Twelve Young is here and I'm gonna take care of you, baby. Don't you worry about a thing, yahear, cause Marcus is alive and on arrival. -I usually don't do calls before coffee. But I think it might do you some good. Twelve Young is here and I'm gonna take care of you, baby. Don't you worry about a thing, yahear, cause Marcus is alive and on arrival. I'm not your baby, Young, I'm not your mother either. You're going to a cardiac arrest, Avenue C and Ninth, northeast corner. It's a club. Take the side entrance. -I'm not your baby, Young, I'm not your mother either. You're going to a cardiac arrest, Avenue C and Ninth, northeast corner. It's a club. Take the side entrance. Ten-four, hon. This is for you. -Twelve Young, answer the radio. I have a call for you. She said to me, I love the way you talk on the radio. -She said to me, I love the way you talk on the radio. I can't wait all night, Young. I'm holding a priority and if you don't answer I'm going to knock you out of service. -I can't wait all night, Young. I'm holding a priority and if you don't answer I'm going to knock you out of service. Don't worry, hon. Young is here and he's gonna help out--just remember, you owe me. -Don't worry, hon. Young is here and he's gonna help out--just remember, you owe me. You're going to three-four Avenue C, 17 year-old female cardiac arrest, no further information. -You're going to three-four Avenue C, 17 year-old female cardiac arrest, no further information. Ten-four, hon. -Let's do it! It's Marcus, Love, only for you. Male diff breather, approximately 30, Houston and A. -Male diff breather, approximately 30, Houston and A. Ten-four. -Okay, what happened? He's going to be all right, right? -He's going to be all right, right? No. He's dead. -No. He's dead. No way, man. -No way, man. He's dead and there's nothing we can do. Come on, Frank, that's it. -All right, all right, he's been snorting that Red Death stuff. Been going for four days. What's his name? -What's his name? IB Bangin. -IB Bangin. What'd you mean IB Bangin? What kind of name is IB Bangin? -Excuse me. You are a very kind man. I can see that. A man like you could not refuse a poor sick dying helpless man a small cup of water. I can't. I have to stay with my patient. -See, I can't do it. I came out of the desert. You came out of the hospital. You were tied down and hallucinating. You got some bad chemicals in your head, Noel. There's some medicine at the hospital that will fix that. -You came out of the hospital. You were tied down and hallucinating. You got some bad chemicals in your head, Noel. There's some medicine at the hospital that will fix that. No, no medicine! -Noel, you didn't let me finish. We have rules against killing people on the street. Looks bad, but there's a special room at the hospital for terminating. A nice quiet room with a big bed. Oh man, do you mean that? Thank you man, thank you. How? -Oh man, do you mean that? Thank you man, thank you. How? Well, you have your choice: pills, injection, gas. -You're not going to die. What did you say? -What did you say? Shut up. You're going to die and he's not. Got it. -That's a hell of a swing you got there, Noel. I'm thinking Strawberry in his prime. Strawberry ain't shit. Drug pussy. Me. I swing like Reggie. Mr. October. Number three, game six, World Series. -Here, you try. No, I'd better not. -No, I'd better not. Sure, sure, give go. -Sure, sure, give go. Yeah? -What the hell. The next year, tiebreaker for the division, in Boston, Yanks down two to nothing, Bucky Dent steps to the plate. Oh man, Bucky. -Oh man, Bucky. The pitch, high heater. Bucky knows what's coming. He steps in, smash, over the green monster. -Do you have any music? What? -What? Music. I think it helps if you play something he liked. -Music. I think it helps if you play something he liked. John, play the Sinatra. -Is he going to be alright? His heart's beating. -He's very very sick. I know him. That's Noel. -I know him. That's Noel. We'd better go outside. Quickly. -Is there any chance? I guess there's always a chance. -I wouldn't do that. The doctor seems to think he's suffering from some rare disorder. It's not so rare. He grew up on our street. He's had a rough life and he's a little crazy from it, but that's no excuse for not giving someone a lousy cup of water. -It's my first cigarette in over a year. The first is always the best. -The first is always the best. It's the waiting that's killing me, not knowing, you know? It's really hard on my mother. The doctor doesn't think my father'll make it. He says he was dead too long, after six minutes the brain starts to die and once that goes, close the door. -It's the waiting that's killing me, not knowing, you know? It's really hard on my mother. The doctor doesn't think my father'll make it. He says he was dead too long, after six minutes the brain starts to die and once that goes, close the door. You never know. -You never know. I mean if he was dead, I could handle that. -I mean if he was dead, I could handle that. At least he's got people around him. -At least he's got people around him. I'm not so sure. My father and I haven't spoken in three years. When my brother called to say my father was having a heart attack, that he'd locked himself in the bathroom, all the way going over I was thinking how I was gonna tell him what a bastard he was. Then when I got up the stairs and we moved him onto the bed, I thought of all these other things I wanted to say. -I'm not so sure. My father and I haven't spoken in three years. When my brother called to say my father was having a heart attack, that he'd locked himself in the bathroom, all the way going over I was thinking how I was gonna tell him what a bastard he was. Then when I got up the stairs and we moved him onto the bed, I thought of all these other things I wanted to say. Even when you say the things, there's always more things. -Even when you say the things, there's always more things. Right now, I'm more worried about my mother than anything. They won't let her see my father. -Right now, I'm more worried about my mother than anything. They won't let her see my father. Go home. Take her home. Get some rest. Not going to find anything out now. -Go home. Take her home. Get some rest. Not going to find anything out now. That's what I told her. If she could just see him a second, then I could take her home. -You shouldn't smoke. It's okay. They're prescription. Works better with a little whiskey. -It's okay. They're prescription. Works better with a little whiskey. That's my brother's problem. He's passed out inside. -That boy you brought in, he was shot, wasn't he? Yes. -Yes. He's dead, huh? -He's dead, huh? Yes. -Yes. I think this place stinks. -I think this place stinks. Our Lady of Misery. -Our Lady of Misery. Did you see my father? -Did you see my father? No. -No. It's crazy in there. What's wrong with that doctor? He keeps mumbling, poking himself in the eye when he talks to me. -It's crazy in there. What's wrong with that doctor? He keeps mumbling, poking himself in the eye when he talks to me. He's working a double shift. -He's working a double shift. Thing is, I'm supposed to be the fuckup. The one on the stretcher in there--that's supposed to be me. With my parents crying out here. I got a lot of guilt, you know what I mean? -My father's in a coma, now my mother's going crazy. It's like she's in a trance. She should go home. -She should go home. I'd take her, but then who would stay here? -Yes? Hello, I'm Frank Pierce, from the ambulance last night. I brought your father into the hospital and I just learned some news. -Hello, I'm Frank Pierce, from the ambulance last night. I brought your father into the hospital and I just learned some news. I'll be right down. -He's better, isn't he? Well, the doctor says he's showing some movement. It's still early, it might mean nothing, but I thought you'd want to know. -Well, the doctor says he's showing some movement. It's still early, it might mean nothing, but I thought you'd want to know. I knew. I sensed it when I heard your voice. -I knew. I sensed it when I heard your voice. You look so different. -You look so different. I know. It's awful, isn't it? Night of the Living Cheerleaders. -I know. It's awful, isn't it? Night of the Living Cheerleaders. I think it looks good. -I think it looks good. I was going nuts in that waiting room so I came back to check on my mom. -I was going nuts in that waiting room so I came back to check on my mom. How is she? -How is she? Sleeping. -Sleeping. I was just going to get some food. Pizza. Maybe we could. -I was just going to get some food. Pizza. Maybe we could. You can't kill my father that easy. He'll fight forever. Like with me: hasn't talked to me in three years. But it's okay. Sometimes you have to put things behind you. -Be tough to get a taxi here. We can give you a ride if you like. Okay. -He wants to pull that tube out. It's pretty painful--that's why they keep him sedated--but it's a good sign. You sure? I know my father would hate to be tied down. He wouldn't even go to the dentist. -That's how it's done. You have to keep the body going until the brain and heart recover enough to go on their own. He's better, though, right? -He's better, though, right? He's better. -He's better. Look, I'm sorry, but it's important to me. I mean, a week ago I was wishing he was dead. And now I want hear his voice again, just once more-- you know what I mean? -My father was a great man, you know. There was nobody he wouldn't help. You know that crazy guy Noel who I gave water to last night? He lived in our house for almost a year. A total stranger he'd do anything for, his own family though ... It's best not to ... It's good pizza, huh? -It's best not to ... It's good pizza, huh? Not as good as Nino's. -Not as good as Nino's. You remember that pizza place, Joe's on Tenth Street maybe fifteen years ago? When you ordered a pie it came with a little plastic madonna in the middle? -You remember that pizza place, Joe's on Tenth Street maybe fifteen years ago? When you ordered a pie it came with a little plastic madonna in the middle? Yeah, or Saint Anthony. You from the neighborhood? -Yeah, or Saint Anthony. You from the neighborhood? I grew up on Elizabeth. I went to Blessed Sacrament. -I grew up on Elizabeth. I went to Blessed Sacrament. On yeah? I went to Holy Name. Where'd you go to high school? -On yeah? I went to Holy Name. Where'd you go to high school? We moved out after that. Upstate. -We moved out after that. Upstate. Like everybody else--except us. Always standing on the sidewalk waving goodbye to moving trucks. Your parents ... ? -Like everybody else--except us. Always standing on the sidewalk waving goodbye to moving trucks. Your parents ... ? They're fine. My old man was a bus driver, mom a nurse--I was sort of born to it, I guess. -They're fine. My old man was a bus driver, mom a nurse--I was sort of born to it, I guess. You married? -You married? Ah, no. I was. It's hard to explain. She had a hard time adjusting to, well, maybe it was my fault too. -It's been bad lately, but it's always bad. How long you been doing this? -How long you been doing this? Five years. -Five years. Wow, you musta seen some things, huh? What's the worst thing you ever seen? -Wow, you musta seen some things, huh? What's the worst thing you ever seen? You learn to sort of block it out, you know, like cops fence off a crime scene. But then something good will happen and everything will just glow. -You learn to sort of block it out, you know, like cops fence off a crime scene. But then something good will happen and everything will just glow. You must get a lot of overdoses. I bet you picked me up a couple of times. -You must get a lot of overdoses. I bet you picked me up a couple of times. I think I'd remember that. -I think I'd remember that. Maybe not. I was a different person then. Does everybody you meet spill their problems on you like this? -Maybe not. I was a different person then. Does everybody you meet spill their problems on you like this? Mostly. It must be my face. My mother always said I looked like a priest. -Mostly. It must be my face. My mother always said I looked like a priest. I better go check on my father. Thanks for the pizza. I owe you one. Maybe when he gets better, you know, when we're done with all this. -I better go check on my father. Thanks for the pizza. I owe you one. Maybe when he gets better, you know, when we're done with all this. Sure. -Excuse me. You seemed like you were in trouble. I'm all right. I just can't stand to see people tied up. I'm in the waiting room for hours, listening to Noel screaming. The only reason he's screaming is 'cause he's tied up. -I'm all right. I just can't stand to see people tied up. I'm in the waiting room for hours, listening to Noel screaming. The only reason he's screaming is 'cause he's tied up. Don't seem so bad to me. -Don't seem so bad to me. Don't say that. I wanted to cut my father loose too. They told me he almost died and five minutes later they say he's better and I go in. It's killing me seeing him fighting like that. Look, since you're here, maybe you could do me a favor. I need you to wait for me outside this building, okay? I have to visit a friend who's sick. -Don't say that. I wanted to cut my father loose too. They told me he almost died and five minutes later they say he's better and I go in. It's killing me seeing him fighting like that. Look, since you're here, maybe you could do me a favor. I need you to wait for me outside this building, okay? I have to visit a friend who's sick. Okay. -I'm only asking because it's a dangerous building. There's been some robberies, a woman was raped not long ago. This woman I'm seeing, she'll want to talk to me all day, but if I can point to you out the window and say you're waiting, I can be out quick. if anything happens, I'll be in apartment 16M. Maybe I should come up with you. -Maybe I should come up with you. If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, hit the buzzer. That way she'll let me go. -If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, hit the buzzer. That way she'll let me go. Nothing's going to happen. I'll come with you. -Nothing's going to happen. I'll come with you. No, I'll be fine. I'm just visiting a sick friend. -I shouldn't have asked you to come. You asked me not to come. -You asked me not to come. Promise you won't go inside. -Promise you won't go inside. Fifteen minutes. -Fifteen minutes. I just have to relax a little. Not feel so guilty all the time. -I just have to relax a little. Not feel so guilty all the time. We can still go back. I'll walk you home. You sleep a couple of hours, watch some TV, take a bath. -We can still go back. I'll walk you home. You sleep a couple of hours, watch some TV, take a bath. Don't be a cop. If you have any doubts about this, it's my fault. -Mary. Mary, we've got to get going. No, no. -You and CY have a nice talk? He tell you about Sunrise Enterprises, helping people? Well, I've seen him hurt people. Why are you following me? Because you can barely walk. -What is it? You want to help me, you feel sorry for me? Keep it to yourself. I need to sit down a minute. -I need to sit down a minute. Or maybe you wanna fuck me? Everyone else has. -I heard CY Coates was brought in. He looked pretty bad. He'll be all right. -He'll be all right. Too bad. He called me up today, can you believe that? I don't know how he got my number. He asks me do I want to come over and see him, I tell him I'd rather go to a leper colony. He says there's a new gang that wants to kill him, take over the business. I told him I hope he's right. That they kill him. That's what I told him. -Too bad. He called me up today, can you believe that? I don't know how he got my number. He asks me do I want to come over and see him, I tell him I'd rather go to a leper colony. He says there's a new gang that wants to kill him, take over the business. I told him I hope he's right. That they kill him. That's what I told him. It'll be a while before he's up and running again. -It'll be a while before he's up and running again. OK, last night I was weak. it won't happen again. And all that shit I said--it was just because I was stoned. Forget it. -OK, last night I was weak. it won't happen again. And all that shit I said--it was just because I was stoned. Forget it. No problem. Thanks for letting me crash. It was the best sleep I've had in months. I used some of your soap. -No problem. Thanks for letting me crash. It was the best sleep I've had in months. I used some of your soap. I wish these people would leave already. I can't listen to another story. Did you see him? That doctor says the brain is coming around. They're waiting for the heart to stabilize. I don't know who to believe. He says they still have to keep him tied up. -I wish these people would leave already. I can't listen to another story. Did you see him? That doctor says the brain is coming around. They're waiting for the heart to stabilize. I don't know who to believe. He says they still have to keep him tied up. Can I bring you something back to eat--a falafal, some pizza? -Can I bring you something back to eat--a falafal, some pizza? No, we just ate. I only remember how tough my father was. Now I know he had to be like that, to make us tough. This city'll kill you if you aren't strong enough. -No, we just ate. I only remember how tough my father was. Now I know he had to be like that, to make us tough. This city'll kill you if you aren't strong enough. No, the city doesn't discriminate. It gets everybody. -This is not a good time. There's no time. -Who is it? Frank. -Frank. Come on up. -My Lord mother man, you look like hell. What were you drinking? The captain almost fired me tonight. I'm on my way out. Anytime now. -The captain almost fired me tonight. I'm on my way out. Anytime now. Nobody gets fired. Look at me. Only thing they might do is transfer you to the Bronx. You look like you aged ten years since I rode with you last. -Nobody gets fired. Look at me. Only thing they might do is transfer you to the Bronx. You look like you aged ten years since I rode with you last. The ghosts-- -The ghosts-- You ever notice people who see shit always, are crazy? -You ever notice people who see shit always, are crazy? I think the worst is over. -I think the worst is over. It can always get worse. You can't change what's out there, only where you're coming from. You got to let the Lord take over, in here. -She only works when I'm on. I make her wait and it drives her crazy. Is it true that you and Love went on a blind date? She hit you with a bottle? -Is it true that you and Love went on a blind date? She hit you with a bottle? She loves me the way no woman ever has. -He's not dead. It's a heroin overdose. Break out the Narcon. He's dead unless you folks want to stop bullshitting me and tell it straight. Then, Lord willing, we'll try to bring him back. -I ever tell you about the time years ago I was on this ledge uptown, trying to talk this psycho inside? Where the guy jumped and you almost fell. No, you never told me that story. -Where the guy jumped and you almost fell. No, you never told me that story. No, you never listened. I was going, man, if someone on high hadn't pulled me in. I had put all I had into saving this dumbass lowlife suicidal that when he went down, there was a part of me that wanted to go with him. -No, you never listened. I was going, man, if someone on high hadn't pulled me in. I had put all I had into saving this dumbass lowlife suicidal that when he went down, there was a part of me that wanted to go with him. Make a left here. I want to stop. -Who's that? She's the daughter of a cardiac arrest I brought in last night. I told her we'd give her a ride back to Misery. Her father's showing signs of improving. -She's the daughter of a cardiac arrest I brought in last night. I told her we'd give her a ride back to Misery. Her father's showing signs of improving. Oh, Frank, you've got it bad, so much worse than I thought. -Oh, Frank, you've got it bad, so much worse than I thought. I'm hungry too. We gotta get some food after this. -I'm hungry too. We gotta get some food after this. God help us, he's hungry too. -Went over to Sal's got this. There must be some place in Hell for a guy who sells a dollar-fifty a slice. I call you if anything comes up. Thanks. -Rule number one: Don't get involved with patients. Rule number two: Don't get involved with patient's daughters. You understand? What about rule number three: Don't get involved with dispatchers named Love. -What about rule number three: Don't get involved with dispatchers named Love. You don't know the first thing about rule number three, cannot begin to understand the complexities of that rule. Come on, let's go look at some hookers. The Kit Kat will be letting out. Don't ever call a junkie whore a crackhead. They get real mad. -Nice though, pulling back her hood as we drive by. There's a mystery to it, then she shows you. She's no whore, Marcus. -She's no whore, Marcus. We're all whores, Frank. You know what I'm talking about, the way she looked at me. -We're all whores, Frank. You know what I'm talking about, the way she looked at me. She wasn't looking at you, man, she was looking at me. -No, you didn't, Frank, thank you. But there's still a couple hours left on the shift. I need a drink, that's all. -Look at that. A fat junkie. That's a first. What's wrong. -It's coming. Hold her down. What's that, Frank? -What's that, Frank? Three legs. -Three legs. That's too many. -That's too many. Backup? -Backup? It's coming. -Don't give me that look. What look? -What look? You know what I'm talking about. It's all over your face. That I-just- saved-a-little-baby-boy look. -You know what I'm talking about. It's all over your face. That I-just- saved-a-little-baby-boy look. We just saved a little baby boy. Think of it that way. -We just saved a little baby boy. Think of it that way. I don't want to hear about it, okay? That's three jobs for the night. It's over. Three jobs and time for a drink. Six am, the cocktail hour. Pass the bottle; I know you're holding. -I hate vodka. Please, a little decorum if you will. What I was going to say is, is that holding that baby in my arms, I felt like I was twenty-one again. A call like that makes me think of going back to three nights a week, not two, start running again, cut down on the drinking. -Please, a little decorum if you will. What I was going to say is, is that holding that baby in my arms, I felt like I was twenty-one again. A call like that makes me think of going back to three nights a week, not two, start running again, cut down on the drinking. I'll drink to that. -I'll drink to that. Here's to the greatest job in the world. -Here's to the greatest job in the world. Greatest job in the world. -Where you going? I quit! I'm through! -I quit! I'm through! You can't leave me now. -He got better. I hate pronouncing people dead over the phone. Better, huh? They're fixed and dilated. He's plant food. -He one of them? No, that's Noel. Used to be a regular off and on, hasn't been in in a while. He seized and almost coded--I gave him a hypertonic solution. He drank so much the kidneys were taking out salt. One for the textbooks. -That guy I brought in yesterday, post-cardiac arrest. He's gone. Burke. You won't believe it. He's showing cognitive signs. He started with spontaneous respiration, now he's fighting to pull out the tube. Had to sedate him. He's in a CAT scan. I'm giving him every test I can: thromboytics, steroids, nitrodrips, heparin. -Burke. You won't believe it. He's showing cognitive signs. He started with spontaneous respiration, now he's fighting to pull out the tube. Had to sedate him. He's in a CAT scan. I'm giving him every test I can: thromboytics, steroids, nitrodrips, heparin. What do you think? -What do you think? Who knows? It's all lower-brain-stem- activity. The heart refuses to stabilize--he's coded eleven times since he got here. This guy's a fighter. Every time the Valium wears off he starts yanking those restraints. -Who knows? It's all lower-brain-stem- activity. The heart refuses to stabilize--he's coded eleven times since he got here. This guy's a fighter. Every time the Valium wears off he starts yanking those restraints. The family know? -The family know? I wanted to bring them in, to see if he'd respond to voices, but they weren't in the waiting room. The guy's daughter was in my face all last night and when I finally have something positive to tell her, she's gone. -Oh Jesus, put her on the monitor. Where's the pediatric code cart? Odette give me that tube. All right, flatline--let's do CPR. step back, Frank. How many months? Can't tell. It was a breech, twins. The other one seems okay, though. Marcus is taking him and the mother to Maternity. -You can't believe how much he's improved. How many times have you shocked him tonight? -How many times have you shocked him tonight? Fourteen. We finally got him a room upstairs. Should be up there in a couple of hours. -Fourteen. We finally got him a room upstairs. Should be up there in a couple of hours. What do you do, just have someone follow him around with a defribilator? -What do you do, just have someone follow him around with a defribilator? That's good, Frank. No, but they might surgically implant one, about the size of my thumb. It goes near the shoulder here, with two electrodes connected to the heart. It sends a shock whenever it senses a drop in blood flow. Amazing, isn't it? -That's good, Frank. No, but they might surgically implant one, about the size of my thumb. It goes near the shoulder here, with two electrodes connected to the heart. It sends a shock whenever it senses a drop in blood flow. Amazing, isn't it? A medical miracle. -Last show of the night. Jesus Christ. Nurse Crupp! Anybody else hurt? -Jesus Christ. Nurse Crupp! Anybody else hurt? No. -No. Crazy fucker. -Where's Burke? Upstairs. 212. Had to shock him twice more. -He's dead, Rose. Your father passed. How can that be? He was getting better. -How can that be? He was getting better. He coded. They shocked him one too many times. I'm sorry. -He coded. They shocked him one too many times. I'm sorry. He was tough. You did all you could. -He was tough. You did all you could. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. You have to keep the body going until the brain and heart recover enough to go on their own. -Would you like to come in? Yes. -It's not worth it, Tom. He's surrendering. No prisoners. Don't worry, Frank, just a little psychological first aid. -I'm sick, Tom. I need a cure. Vitamin B cocktail, followed by an amp of glucose and a drop of adrenaline. Not as good as beer, but all I got. Come on, Frank. There's blood spilling in the streets. -These are hard times, Tom. Yeah. Great, isn't it? -Yeah. Great, isn't it? Great to be drunk. Sobriety's killing me. -Great to be drunk. Sobriety's killing me. Look up, Frank. Full moon. The blood's gonna run tonight. I can feel it. Our mission: to save lives. -Look up, Frank. Full moon. The blood's gonna run tonight. I can feel it. Our mission: to save lives. Our mission is coffee, Tom. A shot of the bull, Puerto Rican espresso. -Our mission is coffee, Tom. A shot of the bull, Puerto Rican espresso. Ten-four. El Toro de Oro. Blast off. -The cure's not working, Tom. Maybe we should go back to the hospital. Don't worry, kid. Tom'll take care of you. Put your head out the window, get some of that summer air. Listen to the music. El Toro de Oro. Andale. Pronto. -Tom, where are the Band-aids? This is an ambulance, isn't it? Look out! -Where you going? C'mon, Tom. The city's burning. -Whatja doing? I feel the need, the need for speed. I'm driving out of myself. -I feel the need, the need for speed. I'm driving out of myself. The brakes are shot. -The brakes are shot. I've taken that into consideration. -I've taken that into consideration. You okay? -You okay? I never felt better in my life. -Mr. Oh. It's early for him. -It's early for him. That's all right, we're not meant to do Oh tonight. Something is going to happen. I can feel it. -Whadda we bring? Better bring it all. -Get this, Frank--we got two patients. Number one, the scarecrow outside. Number two misses the railing but breaks both legs on the balcony, then throws himself through a glass window, heads to the bedroom, where he's now passed out. Well, he's the steakhead of the night, then. -Well, he's the steakhead of the night, then. I don't think the fire people can touch him out there. -I don't think the fire people can touch him out there. How's he doing? -How's he doing? I haven't had a chance to see him yet. I'm going to take care of sleeping beauty. -Get ready, Frank. Missed a drug shooting while you were dicking around in there. There's gonna be trauma tonight! As long as we keep moving. No standing still. -As long as we keep moving. No standing still. C'mon, look at your screen. Give up some blood! -C'mon, Tom, pick up a job. You want some bum in the bus terminal? We'll wait for a real call. -You want some bum in the bus terminal? We'll wait for a real call. Let's get in a fight, then. -Let's get in a fight, then. Who with? -Who with? That's your job. Just keep driving, keep moving. No stopping. We're sharks. We stop too long, we die. -Let's break something, Tom. Let's bust something, bomb something. What do you want to break? -What do you want to break? I don't know--let's break some windows. -I don't know--let's break some windows. Why? -Why? Destruction, distraction. I feel the need. -Destruction, distraction. I feel the need. You need a reason, Frank. You don't just go around breaking people's windows. That's anarchy. -You need a reason, Frank. You don't just go around breaking people's windows. That's anarchy. What's the reason? Give me a reason, Tom. -What's the reason? Give me a reason, Tom. Let me think. -"This guy's been terrorizing the neighborhood for weeks, ever since he got outta jail, wreaking general havoc, contributing to the bad name of the place. The term ""menace to society"" was made up for him." He's crazy. He can't help it. -He's crazy. He can't help it. Well, why don't they put him away? Prisons don't want him. I took him to the hospital yesterday and here he is again. -Look at that. Tell me that's a crazy person. Every move is calculated. He knows exactly what he's doing. This is the guy. I've been after him for weeks. He's quick, runs like a rat, tough for one person, but with two of us-- Okay, whatta I do? -Okay, whatta I do? If he sees me, he'll run, so I'll get out here. You start talking to him about baseball or something while I sneak around behind and get down and you push him. When he falls we get him. -If he sees me, he'll run, so I'll get out here. You start talking to him about baseball or something while I sneak around behind and get down and you push him. When he falls we get him. That's ridiculous. -That's ridiculous. Believe me, it always works. The simpler, the better. -Believe me, it always works. The simpler, the better. You learn that in the army? -Get the kit! We're gonna tube him! Frank! -Frank! Do it! -Do it! Frank! -Frank! We're gonna save you, Noel. You're gonna be all right. Do it, Tom! I'll call for fucking backup, I swear! -We're gonna save you, Noel. You're gonna be all right. Do it, Tom! I'll call for fucking backup, I swear! You're crazy. -No we can't. He's got a pulse. No shit. -The Chinese close in five minutes. Beef lo mein. It's been on my mind since I woke. Whatjathink? I think the moment that food hits your mouth we'll get a job. -I think the moment that food hits your mouth we'll get a job. Turn here. You missed it. The Chink is on 3rd. -Oh no!--I just remembered. What? -What? I'm so stupid. I had beef lo mein last night. I can't eat the same thing two nights in a row. It's almost two o'clock, what the hell am I gonna do? What you getting? -I'm so stupid. I had beef lo mein last night. I can't eat the same thing two nights in a row. It's almost two o'clock, what the hell am I gonna do? What you getting? I'm not hungry. -I'm not hungry. Oh yeah, you don't eat food. -Oh yeah, you don't eat food. I eat. I just haven't had coffee yet. -I eat. I just haven't had coffee yet. Coffee and whiskey, lucky you ain't dead with that diet. Wait, I've got it. Half fried chicken with fries. Let's go, hurry up. Come on. -Turn it off. What? -What? You know what. The radio. -You wanted it turned off. There's no such thing as a good fire. People get burned up. They can't breathe. That's what we're here for. Come on, Frank. -That's what we're here for. Come on, Frank. Don't push it, Larry. -Don't push it, Larry. You're burned out. -Mr. Oh. It's Mr. Oh. I'm not answering it. -Relax, it's a street job, easy except for the smell. We'll just throw him in back and zip over to Mercy--no blood, no dying, that's how I look at it. He's just a drunk. It's not our job to taxi drunks around. -It's not our job to taxi drunks around. They'll just keep calling. -They'll just keep calling. Someone's gonna die someday causa that bum, going to have a cardiac and the only medics will be taking care of Mr. Oh. -Well why didn't you say so? He's drunk. -Faster! God! Faster! -Larry, swing over on Eighth. We're gonna hafta run one of these calls. Relax, will you. -I'm not feeling very well, Larry. I say we go back to the hospital and call it a night. You have no sick time, Frank. No time of any kind. Everyone knows that. -You have no sick time, Frank. No time of any kind. Everyone knows that. Take me back, put me to bed; I surrender. We've done enough damage tonight. -Take me back, put me to bed; I surrender. We've done enough damage tonight. You take things too seriously. Look at us, we're cruising around, talking, taking some quiet time, getting paid for it. We've got a good job here. -You take things too seriously. Look at us, we're cruising around, talking, taking some quiet time, getting paid for it. We've got a good job here. Yeah, you're right. -Tell me, you ever think of doing anything else? Sure, I'm taking the captain's exam next year. After the kids are in school, Louise can go back to the post office and, I thought, what the hell, I'll start my own medic service. Out on the Island the volunteers are becoming salaried municipal. It's just a matter of time and who you know. Someday it's going to be Chief Larry calling the shots. -He's crazy. You really think so? -Jesus, Tom Walls, that crazy motherfucker. Used to be my partner. -You're in the stomach! You sure? -You're in the stomach! Let me try. One more time! -Stomach again. No way! -One-three Zebra. Zebra three, I need you. You see, he's giving it to us anyway. -You see, he's giving it to us anyway. Zebra, are you there? I'm holding an unconscious at First and St. Marks. -Zebra, are you there? I'm holding an unconscious at First and St. Marks. No! It's three o'clock. That can only mean one thing. -Answer the radio Zebra. You know it's that time. Four times this week I've had him. Aren't there any other units out there? Don't answer the radio. They'll give it to someone else. -Four times this week I've had him. Aren't there any other units out there? Don't answer the radio. They'll give it to someone else. Thirteen Zebra. One-Three Zebra. You're going out of service in two seconds. -Look, Frank, when I say don't answer it, that means answer it. You can do that for me at least. Three Zebra. Yes, Zebra. You'll be driving to the man who needs no introduction, chronic caller of the year three straight and shooting for number four. The duke of drunk, the king of stink, our most frequent flier, Mr. Oh. -Yes, Zebra. You'll be driving to the man who needs no introduction, chronic caller of the year three straight and shooting for number four. The duke of drunk, the king of stink, our most frequent flier, Mr. Oh. Ten-four. Don't go. Not this time. -Shit, shit, shit... You're almost there, you can do it -- can do -- can do. -Okay if I watch you tape that interview downstairs? Yeah. -One source referred to it as a five billion dollar metal sculpture to ugly to look at and too big to bury. You write this? -...outlaw nation but strangely those who have interviewed Gaddafi find him, in a phrase we like to use in this country, very 'presidential'. Nice, Jane. -Hi, Aaron...What's doing? Same old stuff. I'm watching a man who won three Overseas Press Awards pitch an hors d'oeuvre idea. -You want to go out there -- get out of this for a second? Why don't you lead? I'll just follow the flurry you cause. -What did I do to you? You've made my dreams silly. -How you doing? Great. Network news, Washington... I love it. What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams? -Great. Network news, Washington... I love it. What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams? Keep it to yourself. -Keep it to yourself. You know the other day I really wanted your reaction to how we did with the Libyan report -- I was going to ask but I guess I feel a little intimidated with you. -You know the other day I really wanted your reaction to how we did with the Libyan report -- I was going to ask but I guess I feel a little intimidated with you. Oh, stop it. -You can't talk about feeling intimidated when you're on top of the world. It's unseemly. I'm not buying into any of that. I have a load to learn. I'm not going to act as if... -I'm not buying into any of that. I have a load to learn. I'm not going to act as if... You have the job you have... -Shut up a second... Okay. Pretty petty party, isn't it, pal? -Okay. Pretty petty party, isn't it, pal? I made one rule for myself when this started and I realized I was going to take a lot from you people because of being from sports... -I made one rule for myself when this started and I realized I was going to take a lot from you people because of being from sports... And the rule was... -And the rule was... Never to pretend to know more than I did. -Never to pretend to know more than I did. Can you name all the members of the Cabinet? -Can you name all the members of the Cabinet? Okay, let's drop it. I didn't mean I'd take a test for you -- I mean if that came up in conversation I'd... -Okay, let's drop it. I didn't mean I'd take a test for you -- I mean if that came up in conversation I'd... We're conversing...Oh my, the names of the entire Cabinet has slipped my mind. What are they? -Don't name them. Just tell me if you know. Yes, Aaron. I know the names of the Cabinet. -Yes, Aaron. I know the names of the Cabinet. Okay. -Yes. There are only ten. -You're feeling good, aren't you? I'm starting to... We may do the capitols of the states. -I'm starting to... We may do the capitols of the states. Fifty, right? -I'm in a pissy mood. I'm sorry. What's wrong with it? -What's wrong with it? Nothing. I think you really blew the lid off nookie. -This is uncomfortable for me -- because, well, I don't mean it as a knock, but we approach this differently. We sure do. I don't mean it as a knock either. Go ahead. I'll just say what I think and you can disregard it if you want. -We sure do. I don't mean it as a knock either. Go ahead. I'll just say what I think and you can disregard it if you want. It just might not work for me because of our different approaches. -Wait. What? -What? Your coat jacket is rising up in back. -I don't like being handled. Sit on it! Now look. -Sit on it! Now look. Just don't physically... Fantastic tip -- fantastic. -No. That's not going to tell us anything. Let's get this prompter going. It's not loaded. -It's not loaded. I'll find some copy. Be right back. -No. No. No? -No? Don't let your eyes go from the beginning of the sentence to the end like that. You don't want to look shifty, do you? -Don't let your eyes go from the beginning of the sentence to the end like that. You don't want to look shifty, do you? Oh, God, no! -Oh, God, no! And the left side of your face is the good one. Go again. And try to punch one word or phrase in every sentence -- punch one idea a story. Punch -- come on -- -You were smokin' toward the end there. The pointers were great. I'll study the tape. -Everybody has one like that. I thought it was great when you started to laugh at the end. Yeah -- well, I'm sorry I'm tying up Jane, I didn't realize you two would be going this late. Sorry. -Yeah -- well, I'm sorry I'm tying up Jane, I didn't realize you two would be going this late. Sorry. No. Don't worry about it. -No. Don't worry about it. I'll put her on. -What did they do with you? They booted me out of Washington. -They booted me out of Washington. Impossible. There's no system that wouldn't value one of us. -Impossible. There's no system that wouldn't value one of us. Why? What did they do to you? -You packing up tonight? Yes. And I'm sorry that they're sending you down for a while, but you'll make it back...Where they sending you? -Yes. And I'm sorry that they're sending you down for a while, but you'll make it back...Where they sending you? London. -London. London. That's a promotion! -London. That's a promotion! I don't think so. -I don't think so. It is. Yes -- that's where they had Rorish, for God's sake, before they made him anchor. I can't stand it -- they're grooming you for it all and you don't even know it. -It is. Yes -- that's where they had Rorish, for God's sake, before they made him anchor. I can't stand it -- they're grooming you for it all and you don't even know it. Hold it down, okay? -Hold it down, okay? Can I ask you something? You only had one crew on the date rape piece, right? -Yes. You're not going to stick around for the farewell party? No. I don't know how much fun it will be when Martin Klein and Ernie have to drop off their credentials with the security guard. -This story they won't cover. And if the network doesn't cover it -- it must not be important so why worry. I'm going to miss you -- you're a prick in a great way... -You know what I... No, I liked the way it made me sound. Okay. Be good. So long. -Hi. Well, this kid couldn't possibly belong to anyone else. What's your name? -I'm just bringing him over to give Jane a look at him -- I thought she'd be here. I'll go with you. -I thought she'd be here. I'll go with you. Okay. -Okay. I'll see you back at the hotel. -He excels at gratitude. Are you any closer to a decision? -It's nice to see you. Congratulations on history's longest winning streak. -Congratulations on history's longest winning streak. If you ever get restless in Portland, let me know. -If you ever get restless in Portland, let me know. Why? -It's Mr. Buddy Felton? Yes. -Yes. That's your full name? -That's your full name? Yes. -Yes. I might as well ask you the questions on tape. Is that all right? -I might as well ask you the questions on tape. Is that all right? Yes. -Yes. You worked at one time as Foreign Service Trainee in the State Department. -You worked at one time as Foreign Service Trainee in the State Department. I was there two years and was promoted on merit nine times. -I was there two years and was promoted on merit nine times. Eventually rising to... -Eventually rising to... Office Bimbo. No, I'm sorry. -You're saying the fact that you're gay had something directly to do with your promotions? I don't like the word gay. -I don't like the word gay. Which would you prefer? -Which would you prefer? Ravenous homosexual. -Ravenous homosexual. Stop the tape, okay. Forget it, Ellen. Let's call security and get him out. -Hi. Turn on your TV... Good Morning America, the Morning News and Today are all about to talk to Arnold Schwarzenegger and I think he's live on at least two of them. At six o'clock on the wake-up news they used the wrong missile graphic. -At six o'clock on the wake-up news they used the wrong missile graphic. Now listen, Arnold just said that he's been making three million a movie now. But he's not ever gonna change. He's still the same person when he was making two million dollars a movie. He feels no different. He also bought a brand- new condo with Maria, they gonna furnish tastefully. -Now listen, Arnold just said that he's been making three million a movie now. But he's not ever gonna change. He's still the same person when he was making two million dollars a movie. He feels no different. He also bought a brand- new condo with Maria, they gonna furnish tastefully. A half hour in the lobby. -A half hour in the lobby. Okay, I'll see you in the lobbies [sic]. -Where's where I asked him about being scared? You should work on your speech. No. It makes me nervous to think about it. Let's do this. -He must have been great-looking, right? Why do you say that? -Why do you say that? Because nobody invites a bad- looking idiot to their bedroom. -Okay. Let's do me. Sure. -Sure. Okay. I feel like I'm slipping but do people who are actually slipping feel that way or is it always the really good people who are moving up who invariably think they're slipping because their standards are so high? -Okay. I feel like I'm slipping but do people who are actually slipping feel that way or is it always the really good people who are moving up who invariably think they're slipping because their standards are so high? This conversation is not worthy of you. -This conversation is not worthy of you. I'd give anything if that were true. -I'd give anything if that were true. Good night. -Good night. Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If needy were a turn-on? -Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If needy were a turn-on? Call if you get weird. -They didn't hire Peter Stiller from the Times and he had a great audition tape. You want to start going over who they could have gotten? They can't take on people like this for network news. For God's sake. What's going on? -Nine seconds. Eleven and a half. -Eleven and a half. Oh, God. Back it, Bobbie -- Bobbie? -I didn't sleep. They're giving me less and less air time. They don't think I'm at all anchor material. If we don't get to their camp soon, we won't be able to tape the supplies coming in. -If we don't get to their camp soon, we won't be able to tape the supplies coming in. Last time Paul was sick they gave Connie the weekend news instead of me. -Last time Paul was sick they gave Connie the weekend news instead of me. You spend too much time -- much too much worrying about that crap... Oh good. -Okay. Great line at the end. Did you shoot their boots? -Did you shoot their boots? Of course. -Of course. We can cut back at the end. -We can cut back at the end. To the pan of the supplies boxes -- -To the pan of the supplies boxes -- Can you believe it? I just risked my life for a network that tests my face with focus groups. -I write for you sometimes. Not because you have to. -What happened? I'll tell you later -- where you going to watch from? -I'll tell you later -- where you going to watch from? Watch? -- -Watch? -- I'll come by your place, right after...drink, take pills... Love you. -I think the pilot that shot down the Libyan in 1981 is stationed right here. Maybe you could get him -- and maybe Tom should say that our F-14 is one of the hardest planes to fly. They're nicknamed 'Tomcats'. Thanks. The F-14 is one of the most difficult planes to master. Oh, you call them 'Tomcats' and in the 70's the first crop had a number of crashes. -Me again. Hi. Listen Gaddafi doesn't foam at the mouth or anything. When you speak to him he's not at all nuts. He seems like a leader -- very impressive, self-control...that's what's so strange. Right and we have the '81 pilot on the way in -- Nobody else will have him. -Right and we have the '81 pilot on the way in -- Nobody else will have him. You're welcome. Sow how does it feel to...I know you gotta go -- Me too. We're very busy here. -Well, whatever you think. I figured out exactly why it is I'm so hung up on getting a chance at weekend anchor...It's because if I do that well, they'll pay me more, treat me great and my life will be better. That's why. -I figured out exactly why it is I'm so hung up on getting a chance at weekend anchor...It's because if I do that well, they'll pay me more, treat me great and my life will be better. That's why. Sounds like you may be on to something. -Sounds like you may be on to something. Which means I'm at their mercy and who wants that?...I'm not going to tell you where this thought led me... Anyway, well, why not tell you? -- it's a happy thing. In the middle of all this I start to think about something that does nothing but make me feel good and makes immediate sense and that's you ...And I'll stop here but, Jane, I'd give anything if you were two people so I could call up the one who's my friend and tell her about the one I'm in I...I don't think I should go any further. Come on -- I'll walk you to the corner. -You know you've had a strange day... I'd sleep on all these things you've been thinking. Absolutely...You go have a good time... You have some place to go? -Absolutely...You go have a good time... You have some place to go? Yes. -Yes. Good. -Jesus, Jane. How long have you been here? A long time. I was restless. Will you crack my neck? -Aaah -- -- ello. You sure they said the management meeting? They want me to be at the management meeting. They're not that dumb, after all. -Tom...why don't I meet you there? I've got some last minute stuff I've got to take care of...Hey, how did you resolve your dilemma -- did you rent the tux or buy it...I knew it. How much? Wow...Okay...See you there... I didn't know you were going with him. -I didn't know you were going with him. Did you bring your grey suit? -Did you bring your grey suit? Yes...I was thinking that way too... Which tie? -I read about it -- that's how you can make sure you don't put on too much perfume... Could you at least pretend that this is an awkward situation for you -- me showing up while you're getting ready for a date. -Could you at least pretend that this is an awkward situation for you -- me showing up while you're getting ready for a date. It's not a date. It's co-workers going to a professional conclave. -Because this is important -- so don't just be polite. I'd really like to look...what's the word I'm looking for?... As good as humanly possible. -As good as humanly possible. Yes. -Yes. Well, the line of the jacket -- No really....just very nice...just right. I wish I could be there. -Well, the line of the jacket -- No really....just very nice...just right. I wish I could be there. Me too...Hey...if it gets dull a little before 11:00, drop by the studio. -Me too...Hey...if it gets dull a little before 11:00, drop by the studio. I'm not sure I'll be able to...I... -I'm not sure I'll be able to...I... If...if not, I'll have the tape...I'll wait for you at my apartment. -If...if not, I'll have the tape...I'll wait for you at my apartment. Okay, great -- good luck. -Thanks, Jane. Have a good time tonight. You too. -How'd it go? You didn't see it or speak to anybody? -You didn't see it or speak to anybody? No. -No. Then it went well. -Then it went well. Did it really go well? -Did it really go well? Define your terms. -Define your terms. Do you feel good about it? -Do you feel good about it? No. -No. Do others feel that you did well? -Do others feel that you did well? No. -No. Then what was good about it? -Then what was good about it? I lost six pounds... -I lost six pounds... Aaron, will you tell me? -Aaron, will you tell me? It was great...writing my little first rate copy, sitting on my jacket, punching my one thought. But I had this historic attack of flop sweat so they'll never let me another again. Oh, I lost one of your shoulder pads -- how was your evening anyway? -It was great...writing my little first rate copy, sitting on my jacket, punching my one thought. But I had this historic attack of flop sweat so they'll never let me another again. Oh, I lost one of your shoulder pads -- how was your evening anyway? What do you mean, flop sweat? -- you're making too much out of it...I'll bet you were the only one aware of it... -What do you mean, flop sweat? -- you're making too much out of it...I'll bet you were the only one aware of it... People phoned in. -People phoned in. Stop kidding. I want to know what happened. -Stop kidding. I want to know what happened. I'm not kidding. -I'm not kidding. There were complaining phone calls because you were sweating? -There were complaining phone calls because you were sweating? No, nice ones worried that I was having a heart attack. -No, nice ones worried that I was having a heart attack. If all that happened, how come you're so chipper? -If all that happened, how come you're so chipper? I don't know. At a certain point it was so off the chart bad -- it got funny. My central nervous system was telling me something. Jane -- sweat running down my face -- makeup falling into my eyes -- people turning this fusillade of blow dryers on me -- all so I could read introductions to other people who were covering stories which is what I like to do anyway. And I'm chipper because you finally showed up. I thought I'd cook for us. Tequila and eggs sound good? -I don't know. At a certain point it was so off the chart bad -- it got funny. My central nervous system was telling me something. Jane -- sweat running down my face -- makeup falling into my eyes -- people turning this fusillade of blow dryers on me -- all so I could read introductions to other people who were covering stories which is what I like to do anyway. And I'm chipper because you finally showed up. I thought I'd cook for us. Tequila and eggs sound good? I have to be somewhere. -I told what's his name -- Tom -- that I'd meet him. Call him -- I mean it can wait, right? -Call him -- I mean it can wait, right? I don't know. I may be in love with him. -I don't know. I may be in love with him. No!!!!! -Don't go. This is important to me. -This is important to me. Yeah. Well...I think it is important for you too. Sit down. -What? Let me think a second. It's tough. -Aaach...Jane... Let's take the part that has nothing to do with me. Let's let me be your most trusted friend, the one that gets to say awful things to you. You know? Yes, I guess. Yes. -Yes, I guess. Yes. You can't end up with Tom because it goes totally against everything you're about. -You can't end up with Tom because it goes totally against everything you're about. Yeah -- being a basket case. -Yeah -- being a basket case. I know you care about him. I've never seen you like this about anyone, so please don't take it wrong when I tell you that I believe that Tom, while a very nice guy, is the Devil. -I know you care about him. I've never seen you like this about anyone, so please don't take it wrong when I tell you that I believe that Tom, while a very nice guy, is the Devil. This isn't friendship. -This isn't friendship. What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he's around? Nobody is going to be taken in if he has a long, red, pointy tail. No. I'm semi-serious here. He will look attractive and he will be nice and helpful and he will get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation and he will never do an evil thing...he will just bit by little bit lower standards where they are important. Just coax along flash over substance... Just a tiny bit. And he will talk about all of us really being salesmen. And he'll get all the great women. -I think you're the Devil. No. You know that I'm not. -No. You know that I'm not. How? -How? Because we have the kind of relationship where if I were the Devil, you'd be the only one I told. -You were quick enough to get Tom's help when... Yes, yes. I know. Right. And if it had gone well for me tonight, maybe I'd be keeping quiet about all this...I grant you everything but give me this...he does personify everything you've been fighting against...And I'm in love with you. How do you like that? -- I buried the lead. -I've got to not say that aloud; it takes too much out of me. Sit down, stop. -Don't say anything about anything. Hi. Will I ever sing again? -Bastard, sneak, quitter. Speaking. -Speaking. I just found out. You didn't say anything to me? You just resign? Will you meet me now? -- No, now! I'm going away tomorrow. Please. -Why not try it for a few weeks? Stop. Ernie thought I was good too -- he couldn't help. My agent has a hot prospect -- the number two station in Portland. The general manager says he wants to be every bit as good as the networks. Personally, I think he should aim higher. -Stop. Ernie thought I was good too -- he couldn't help. My agent has a hot prospect -- the number two station in Portland. The general manager says he wants to be every bit as good as the networks. Personally, I think he should aim higher. Tell me the God's honest truth -- are you leaving because of me? Because if you are... -Tell me the God's honest truth -- are you leaving because of me? Because if you are... Ernie told this story. How he used to write obits and when the people in town called him up with death notices, he cried. He was till that way when they promoted him out of obits. He says you're lucky if you can get out while you could still cry. I should have quit this place three years ago. -Ernie told this story. How he used to write obits and when the people in town called him up with death notices, he cried. He was till that way when they promoted him out of obits. He says you're lucky if you can get out while you could still cry. I should have quit this place three years ago. You're just trying to say all great stuff so I'll feel even worse that you're not around. -Let's go... I just want to sit here longer, I mean the feeling is powerful -- why's that? -I just want to sit here longer, I mean the feeling is powerful -- why's that? Maybe the best part of your life is over and you don't want to get up and start the bad part. -You are now required to sit here with me. Come on...be smart for a second -- what do you think will happen to us? Okay, that's very easy. Five, six years from now I'll be in town to collect an award representing the surge in foreign coverage by local stations. -Okay, that's very easy. Five, six years from now I'll be in town to collect an award representing the surge in foreign coverage by local stations. Yes. -Yes. I'll be walking with my wife and two children -- we'll bump into you on the street, my youngest son will say something and I'll tell him... ...it's not nice to make fun of single, fat ladies. -I'll be walking with my wife and two children -- we'll bump into you on the street, my youngest son will say something and I'll tell him... ...it's not nice to make fun of single, fat ladies. You won't be able to stay mad at me, right? -You won't be able to stay mad at me, right? I hope so... No. I'm not really mad. I'll miss you, we'll talk, we'll always be friends...we'll get hot for each other every few years at dinner and never act on it, okay? -I think so...They've been talking to me about being Tom's Managing Editor. Really? -Really? I'm going to take it. -So who's the guy? Well, we met about three months ago. He works at the surgeon general office. He loves boating. So, he's been getting me into water skiing. -I like it! So, doll, what about you lately? Well -- my wife got this new job... -Ready. Your hair's a little funny. -Your hair's a little funny. It's an ethnic curl, I can't do anything about it. -It's an ethnic curl, I can't do anything about it. In front of a little -- it's a bit... You want a mirror? -In front of a little -- it's a bit... You want a mirror? No -- Don't worry about it. Let's do this. -Okay. In other times, for other purposes, there might be a band and bunting here at the bus depot for J.D. Singer's return from war. He... -Oh, you mean use him...That's nice. Okay. I'll put him in the low corner of the frame -- good. -I'll put him in the low corner of the frame -- good. In other times, with other purposes, there might be a band and bunting here at the bus depot for J.D. Singer's return from war. Last week he was decorated by a president for heroism in a war. But it was the civil war -- in Angola -- and he was in it for the money. -I saw the smile -- good piece. I'm gonna go look at it again. -I had the strangest thing happen yesterday. Anne and I have been married what? -- Thirty-six years... Everything fine -- two days after the promotion came through, I was checking myself in the mirror and she was making a face at me behind my back. So yesterday I looked in the mirror and she was doing it again. You didn't say anything to her? -That's it. I resign as of now. Stop it. -Stop it. I'll tell you what. I'll stay if Tom knows how to spell Gaddafi. -Oh, I was just writing you a note. What do you say we take a walk? Outside? -Outside? Yeah -- -I don't know if we have any younger man more respected in our operation than you. Just tell me what's really going on. I think we know each other well enough for me to expect that. -Just tell me what's really going on. I think we know each other well enough for me to expect that. We know each other well enough for me to care how I put something to you which could wipe you out. So I will phrase things the way I think they should be phrased. All right? -We know each other well enough for me to care how I put something to you which could wipe you out. So I will phrase things the way I think they should be phrased. All right? Wipe me out? -Anyway. I want you to think of this as... Just blunt talk, okay? I'd really appreciate bluntness. -Just blunt talk, okay? I'd really appreciate bluntness. Upper management thinks you're dull. -Aaron, I've never seen them like this -- I think Paul's nervous about his own job and for some reason he thinks you only appeal to... Wait. Bullshit me a little...I'm beginning to appreciate it. -Wait. Bullshit me a little...I'm beginning to appreciate it. I'm no suggesting the worst will happen...but someone with your brilliance gets nibbles about other jobs and maybe, the next time that happens, down the road -- you should look into it. -I'm no suggesting the worst will happen...but someone with your brilliance gets nibbles about other jobs and maybe, the next time that happens, down the road -- you should look into it. Ah, damn -- the fucking jerks -- My, God. They want to fire me. -Ah, damn -- the fucking jerks -- My, God. They want to fire me. All I know is that they've got to fire a large number of people... and they're not going by seniority. There's a recklessness in the air. They... -All I know is that they've got to fire a large number of people... and they're not going by seniority. There's a recklessness in the air. They... Do one thing to me? Get me one shot at anchoring the Weekend News -- they've never seen me do it. I think it could turn them around. -Do one thing to me? Get me one shot at anchoring the Weekend News -- they've never seen me do it. I think it could turn them around. I could do it this Saturday -- everyone wants off for the Correspondents' Dinner. -Do it then. Please prepare carefully. This couldn't come at a better time. -Please prepare carefully. This couldn't come at a better time. Prepare what? You have Saturday's news handy? -Prepare what? You have Saturday's news handy? It's been a while since you read the news -- I'll have somebody work with you. Just on superficial performance things. -Okay. I think I'd better be alone for a while. I understand. I'll go with you. -I understand. I'll go with you. Thanks. -It's what he did. I'm proud of him. They told me they'd keep me because they could plug me into any story and my salary was in line. -They told me they'd keep me because they could plug me into any story and my salary was in line. The cost-efficient reporter. -The cost-efficient reporter. So I quit. -Just a few questions? No. -We came from Washington. Move away from me. -Move away from me. How long has it been since you've been home. -How long has it been since you've been home. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckes. Snot... Fuckee. You want to use that? -Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckes. Snot... Fuckee. You want to use that? It depends on how big a news day it is. -All this business of war -- do you get scared? Uh-uh. I'm a little freaked right now about seeing my father though. -Okay. I just wanted you to know. What is she shooting? -What is she shooting? Norman Rockwell's 'Homecoming.' -Norman Rockwell's 'Homecoming.' Oh, that's nice... We'll need some new lines. -Norman Rockwell's enduring portrait of a Homecoming The return of a fighting man has always been one of the more moving ceremonies of war... Tearful women, proud men, excited children. But J.D. Singer was right -- his homecoming was no big deal. We have a minute and a half. It's my responsibility to tell them we won't be ready. -I was a little nervous there for a minute. Oh, come on -- tell us another. -Goodbye, Paul. Take care, Paul. It takes a certain kind of courage for you to say that in front of the President of the News Division. -Take care, Paul. It takes a certain kind of courage for you to say that in front of the President of the News Division. You think anyone who's proud of the work we do is an ass kisser. -You think anyone who's proud of the work we do is an ass kisser. No. I think anyone who puckers their lips and presses it against his boss' buttocks and then smooches is an ass kisser. -No. I think anyone who puckers their lips and presses it against his boss' buttocks and then smooches is an ass kisser. My gosh, and for a while there, I was attracted to you. -Just when do you start, telling people? Almost immediately. -Almost immediately. I'd like to take everyone out after the show. -I'd like to take everyone out after the show. Bill...This is hard on all of us and it's no time for compliments. But I think it's extraordinary of you to come down here for this. -Bill...This is hard on all of us and it's no time for compliments. But I think it's extraordinary of you to come down here for this. If we're not here for each other during the tough time, we're not a news organization. -This is a brutal layoff...And all because they couldn't program Wednesdays. You can make it a little less brutal by knocking a million dollars or so off your salary. -Jane? Yes. -Yes. Well, darling, if it gets any better than that, I'm going to have to bring you up here to New York. -Well, darling, if it gets any better than that, I'm going to have to bring you up here to New York. Thanks. I just wish you'd kept the first twenty seconds. -But thanks. Well, the visual with the boots at the end was just perfect. -Aaron should be hearing this so I have an extra witness. Well, you always want to give the credit away, do you? -Well, you always want to give the credit away, do you? No, I don't. He happens to deserve the credit. He's right here. -No, I don't. He happens to deserve the credit. He's right here. I'll speak to you soon -You don't have time. Not a chance. I'll be right down. It's right tight. -I've got to tell Ernie...because there isn't enough time. Yes, there is. -What did he say? I'll never tell. -Yeah, I know, I went back and forth on it. I liked it. He's not afraid to be human. -Tell George and Jessica to try and cover everything without Tom having to ask additional questions. And Bobbie says... -And Bobbie says... Did you hear what I just said -- do you have that? Take a breath. -Did you hear what I just said -- do you have that? Take a breath. Yes. -It's Aaron. Yes? -Do you know you're the second woman in network news history to produce? No, I'm not. I'm the fourth. Joan Richmond. Pauline Fredericks got that credit once on a U.N. special and there's Susan Zirinsky. -What are you dressed up for? Oh, that's right -- because the Evening News is here this week. I spent a fortune on this. -They canned me. Well, my brother will feel great -- now he's not the only screw-up. It's started. -Go back to 316, Bobbie. The sound bite in the cab -- it starts, 'I don't know how I'll feel...' We could... -We could... Please, Bobbie, we're pushing. -Play back the last line... He said something about... -He said something about... Let me hear it! -Okay, Bobbie, just a two-second dissolve to the Rockwell. Should I... -Should I... Just a two-second dissolve. -Do you want him all the way to the car? No stop where he's all besieged. -No stop where he's all besieged. Because... -Because... Right there, Bobbie. -You know, I like Tom, because hi... Bobbie, please. -They're not really going to call security are they? No, I don't think so. -No, I don't think so. How do I get out of here? -How do I get out of here? Follow me. -Follow me. You talked me into it. -I've been doing some morning show stuff, but mostly radio -- that doesn't bother me. I'm in no rush for anything. It's just the snotty attitude, even if I have it coming, it's still... Bad manners. -Bad manners. Yes. That's right. -Yes. That's right. I know...I mean you didn't do anything special for me tonight. You just had what I think are good manners, decency. And it really makes me want to be nice back and it has nothing to do with any homosexual thing. Honestly. Because I don't know if you've homosexual or not and -- you're not, are you? -I know...I mean you didn't do anything special for me tonight. You just had what I think are good manners, decency. And it really makes me want to be nice back and it has nothing to do with any homosexual thing. Honestly. Because I don't know if you've homosexual or not and -- you're not, are you? No...no. -No...no. One's enough. -I really have to go. Okay. At least let me show my appreciation. The Secretary of Labor is going to be indicted on Wednesday. For the graft thing he supposedly did before he was appointed. -Okay. At least let me show my appreciation. The Secretary of Labor is going to be indicted on Wednesday. For the graft thing he supposedly did before he was appointed. What? -What? Yes, it's true. They're going to make it public Wednesday but isn't it a big deal for you to have it a day and a half early? -Yes, it's true. They're going to make it public Wednesday but isn't it a big deal for you to have it a day and a half early? Yes. How do you know? -Yes. How do you know? My roommate's very social -- somebody from Justice was over and...I always hear things before they happen. Hey, and from now on, so do you. -...and the White House is hoping to keep a lid on it for a few days till they figure out what to do. Thanks a lot, Buddy. -Thanks a lot, Buddy. Oh, please. So they were really impressed with you at work. -Oh, please. So they were really impressed with you at work. Not impressed exactly -- but a break in the clouds. -Not impressed exactly -- but a break in the clouds. I see the change in you -- I see it. -Forgive me, but it really is intoxicating being a news source. Nobody else had it. -Nobody else had it. I wish it were you giving the story. -I wish it were you giving the story. That's okay. -That's okay. What if we just don't tell them anything anymore unless they let you do the story? -What if we just don't tell them anything anymore unless they let you do the story? No. Really...don't worry about it. -No. Really...don't worry about it. Okay. And look, in the future I can call you when I have news for you. Don't feel you have to spend time with me just to get the information. Well, that wasn't as hard to say as you thought, was it, Buddy? -Okay. And look, in the future I can call you when I have news for you. Don't feel you have to spend time with me just to get the information. Well, that wasn't as hard to say as you thought, was it, Buddy? What do you mean? You're one of the few people in this town I can talk to. -Hey, Buddy, don't do that anymore. Okay. -Is everything all right? Yes. You didn't have to come here. It's just that I'm going to anchor this special report on this Libyan thing... -Yes. You didn't have to come here. It's just that I'm going to anchor this special report on this Libyan thing... Anchor? -Anchor? Yes, stop! I wondered if you could find out anything about what's happening. What's wrong? -Yes, stop! I wondered if you could find out anything about what's happening. What's wrong? I broke up with my roommate -- He was really the magnet for everyone who knew anything. -I broke up with my roommate -- He was really the magnet for everyone who knew anything. Oh. -Oh. Look, I can start up with him again if you really... -Look, I can start up with him again if you really... No. I'm doing fine...Look. -Good. He's on the world's longest ego trip, let him take it alone. Hey, okay. Look Buddy -- I've got to go to work. -Hey, okay. Look Buddy -- I've got to go to work. ...good-bye then. -...good-bye then. I'll speak to you. -I'll speak to you. Well, who knows. Just let m tell you what my favorite teacher ever, told me -- 'Don't be afraid to be wonderful.' -Ernie, they're calling from work. Tell me I'm on the way in. -Tell me I'm on the way in. It's Paul. -What? They fired me. -How horrible. We'll be fine. You'll be fine. Stay here with me -- we'll go for a drive, have some drinks, make happy plans. No. They're firing even more people than they said. Some will want to talk. It could help. -No. They're firing even more people than they said. Some will want to talk. It could help. I could use somebody to talk to on a day like this. Sorry. Go ahead. -Bye, sweetie. Okay, sweetie. -...am starting to get jealous. I read in the newspapers about the Italian strike and riots in Milan. I hope you weren't... Honey?... -Jane -- For God's sake... Look, it's time for you to go to sleep. I just have two more pen pals and then I'm done. -I just have two more pen pals and then I'm done. You don't have to finish tonight. -You don't have to finish tonight. Nooo. This way the rotation stays the same. -Nooo. This way the rotation stays the same. Finish quickly. I don't want you getting obsessive about these things. Good night. -I don't know a recent Saturday I've sold more. You didn't think I'd sell that health restaurant, did you? No. Not even you. -No. Not even you. Why so glum? -Why so glum? I don't know. -I don't know. Go ahead. -Go ahead. No, nothing. I've got a problem, I guess. -No, nothing. I've got a problem, I guess. Were you bothering by those waitresses making a fuss? -Were you bothering by those waitresses making a fuss? "No. But, honest. What are you supposed to say when they keep talking about your looks? I don't even know what they mean -- ""Beat them off with a stick.""" -You know, Tom, I feel a little proud when people comment on your looks. Maybe you should feel that way. Proud? I'm just embarrassed that I like when they say those things. -Proud? I'm just embarrassed that I like when they say those things. As long as that's your only problem you're... -As long as that's your only problem you're... It's not. -I got my report card. Three Cs, two Ds and an incomplete. Oh my. I see you studying so hard, Tom. What do you think the problem is? -Oh my. I see you studying so hard, Tom. What do you think the problem is? I'll just have to try harder. I don't know. I will. I will. I will. I will. -Thanks, Dad, this talk helped. Will you sign it, please? Would it help if I got you a tutor? -Would it help if I got you a tutor? That would be great. It better help. What can you do with yourself if all you do is look good? -Tom isn't ready for the job you're about to hand him. Not near ready. Not by the longest shot. Aaron's spent six weeks in Tripoli, he's interviewed Gaddafi -- he reported on the Eight-one story. I think he's essential to do the job we're capable of and I think it's my responsibility to tell you that. Okay, that's your opinion. I don't agree. -Okay, that's your opinion. I don't agree. It's not opinion. -It's not opinion. You're just absolutely right and I'm absolutely wrong? -It must be nice to always believe you know better. To think you're always the smartest person in the room. No, it's awful. Oh my, it's awful. -I had no idea she was this good. Fill for a second. -Hi. I just wanted to tell you how great you were. My name's Tom Grunick. -I just wanted to tell you how great you were. My name's Tom Grunick. Thank you. They hated me. I don't hate them. -Thank you. They hated me. I don't hate them. Well, they say if you can reach even one person, it means something... And you did that. -Hi. I was worried I was early. I was a lot earlier. -I kept thinking what a great break it was for me to get to see you tonight. More than a great break, maybe just what I needed...just when I needed it...Angel of mercy -- godsend...lifesaver...what? "I like ""godsend.""" -"I like ""godsend.""" I haven't been in news that long. I've just been looking for the right person to talk to. I have about two thousand questions for you. -If we could just eat first. Totally understood. Totally wrong of me to talk shop after the day you've had. Totally sorry. -Totally understood. Totally wrong of me to talk shop after the day you've had. Totally sorry. Nooo. If I could just have a roll, I'd be okay. -"Another thing I can't stand is ...when White House reporters bullshit with each other after a briefing and then one of them has a theory and the other quotes it in his story as ""White House"" sources say..." That actually goes on... -That actually goes on... Yes. My room is down here -- I'm not tired. Do you want to keep talking? -Yes. My room is down here -- I'm not tired. Do you want to keep talking? Yes, sure. -Come on...Even I'm not that hard on myself. No, I really got this job on a fluke and wait till you hear where it ends up. -I was doing sports at the station. The newspaper ran this untrue story that I was leaving and they got all these tons of protest mail. So they made me anchor. So great -- right? -So great -- right? Except I'm no good at what I'm being a success at. -Except I'm no good at what I'm being a success at. How are you at back rubs? -Listen to me. You keep on thinking I'm somebody ho lacks...confidence. That's not it. I know I can talk well enough and I'm not bad at making contact with people, but I don't like the feeling that I'm pretending to be a reporter. And half the time I don't really get the news I'm talking about. It isn't that I'm down on myself. Trust me, I stink. I trust you. -I trust you. I didn't even have the chance to get really good at sports. I wasn't bad. I thought I was starting to do interesting features but hockey is big at the station and... -I didn't even have the chance to get really good at sports. I wasn't bad. I thought I was starting to do interesting features but hockey is big at the station and... What about the obvious remedy? Reversing things. Maybe getting a job on a newspaper. -What about the obvious remedy? Reversing things. Maybe getting a job on a newspaper. I don't write. -But that didn't stop me from sending out audition tapes to bigger stations and the networks. Well, come on -- it is your life. Nobody is tying you to the fast track. Did you go to college? -Well, come on -- it is your life. Nobody is tying you to the fast track. Did you go to college? One year...almost one year. -One year...almost one year. So, you're not well educated and you have almost no experience and you can't write. -It's hard for me to advise you since you personify something that I truly think is dangerous. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. I agree with you -- you're not qualified. So get qualified. You can insist on being better prepared. You don't have to just leave it as... 'I don't write. I'm not schooled. I don't understand the news I'm reading. But at least I'm upset about it, folks.' -Whoa, this was a mistake. Just what do you want from me, anyway? Permission to be a fake? Stop whining and do something about it. -I never told you the reason I was telling you everything for. Hey? -Hey? Those audition tapes I sent out... I've been hired by your network for the Washington bureau. So I'll probably see you at work. Sorry. -They said it would be okay if... We're working here!! You can stand over in the uh, uh, uh... -I'm sorry if I was in the way. It was totally impressive. Great piece. You weren't. Thanks. How does it feel being here? -You weren't. Thanks. How does it feel being here? I can't believe I'm really here. No kidding. If you're through work now -- -I can't believe I'm really here. No kidding. If you're through work now -- No. Aaron and I go to Central America on Wednesday -- so I'm cramming. -No. Aaron and I go to Central America on Wednesday -- so I'm cramming. I thought you were incredible in there. I know how much I have to learn. I'd really -- a lot -- appreciate it...if... -I thought you were incredible in there. I know how much I have to learn. I'd really -- a lot -- appreciate it...if... 'Really a lot appreciate it...' -'Really a lot appreciate it...' You make me nervous. Anyway if I can pick your brain -- -I can't help you, sorry. I'm not here to teach remedial reporting. And it has nothing to do with the fact I left your room instead of staying there? -Hi. How's it going? -How's it going? Can I buy you dinner sometime soon? -Can I buy you dinner sometime soon? I just got back -- I don't know which end is up. -I just got back -- I don't know which end is up. Okay. -So he was indicted? Yes. -Give it to him -- so we can concentrate. Ah, I don't want any credit. Bobbie and I serve anonymously. -I've got another story. Some public official skipped a week on his Christmas Club? -Some public official skipped a week on his Christmas Club? The House Armed Service Committee has a secret report which says that the General Stillwell tank the Army has dumped a fortune into plain won't work. I have it cold, confirmed. They have five million dollars in this thing already. -The House Armed Service Committee has a secret report which says that the General Stillwell tank the Army has dumped a fortune into plain won't work. I have it cold, confirmed. They have five million dollars in this thing already. Billion. -Billion. Okay, billion...right, of course. They told me I could have any producer I wanted -- and I want you. -It's the firs time I've seen you dressed like this. You look so clean and pretty. What do you mean clean? -What do you mean clean? At work there's always this sort of film over you. -At work there's always this sort of film over you. Well, thumps like me leave appearance to guys like you. -Well, thumps like me leave appearance to guys like you. You're great at taking the edge off a good time. -You okay? Yes. Just don't say anything mean for a while. Thanks. -Nervous? Excited. -We're going to George. Say 'the Joint Chiefs are meeting -- we have George Weln at the Pentagon'. George Weln is at the Pentagon where the attack launched by the lone Libyan pilot has resulted in a massive movement of military might. -You're an amazing woman. What a feeling having you inside my head. Yeah. It was an unusual place to be. -Yeah. It was an unusual place to be. Indescribable -- you knew just when to feed me the next thing, just a split second before I needed it. There was a rhythm we got into, like great sex. -You have to celebrate with me, don't you? Everybody's going to that bar on the corner, 'Caps.' I'm going over to Aaron's. Maybe I'll hoop up with all of you later. How long do you think you'll be there? -Jane? Yeah? -Yeah? I'll wait for you till seven. -I'll wait for you till seven. Okay. -I didn't think you'd make it. Well, I thought I'd check if all of you were still here. I'll just go in and join the gang and you two go on. -Well, I thought I'd check if all of you were still here. I'll just go in and join the gang and you two go on. There's no gang in there -- We were the last ones. -There's no gang in there -- We were the last ones. Well, I'll go in and have a bite. -Well, I'll go in and have a bite. Jennifer, you want to have another drink? -Jennifer, you want to have another drink? Hey, I know how to have a burger by myself. I feel like a little solitude. -Come on, I'll buy you a drink. There's a big thing over at the Italian embassy. I'm not sure I'd be good company tonight. -I'm not sure I'd be good company tonight. I'll be the judge of that. -It's much too soon for you to have this kind of buzz around you. Do I have to stand here in the middle and meet them all? -Do I have to stand here in the middle and meet them all? I'll get you through. Move and smile. And smile and move... -Maybe we could just sit here -- talk a little? Okay. You didn't like the party, huh? -Okay. You didn't like the party, huh? Too many smart people in one room -- it's not healthy... -I'm going to have to do a story from beginning to end on my own. Eventually. Does it have to be right now? -Eventually. Does it have to be right now? Believe me, I wouldn't be doing this unless it was absolutely necessary. I have an idea for something. -Believe me, I wouldn't be doing this unless it was absolutely necessary. I have an idea for something. What? -What? I just read about it in a magazine and it affected me. -I just read about it in a magazine and it affected me. Well, what is it? -Well, what is it? If I tell you, can you manage not to put it down or tell me why it won't work or is in bad journalistic taste or anything like that? -If I tell you, can you manage not to put it down or tell me why it won't work or is in bad journalistic taste or anything like that? Yes, Tom -- I think I can manage. -I'm not sure I dialed right -- Jane? Jane, yes. Tom? Tom, is that you? Is this Tom? -Jane, yes. Tom? Tom, is that you? Is this Tom? Yes. -Yes. I had to sleep fast so I took two allergy pills to help me...I'm sorry...Hey, you called me. -I had to sleep fast so I took two allergy pills to help me...I'm sorry...Hey, you called me. It's not important. -It's not important. Says who? Not important -- ha-ha-ha. I was dreaming -- Oh, no -- can't tell -- how embarrassing for me. Gosh. -Says who? Not important -- ha-ha-ha. I was dreaming -- Oh, no -- can't tell -- how embarrassing for me. Gosh. What pills did you take? You sound more like someone on a general anesthetic. Maybe I'd better speak to you tomorrow. -What pills did you take? You sound more like someone on a general anesthetic. Maybe I'd better speak to you tomorrow. Nooo. Is it your story? -Nooo. Is it your story? No. Are you going to the Correspondents' Dinner on Saturday? -No. Are you going to the Correspondents' Dinner on Saturday? Why, you need me for the story? -Why, you need me for the story? No. Were you going to you? -No. Were you going to you? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Maybe I'll get off work. I'd like to go. -Maybe I'll get off work. I'd like to go. Oh, good. -Oh, good. We can go together. -So you like me, huh? I like you as much as I can like anyone who thinks I'm an asshole. -So what did you think? It moved me. I did relate to it -- I really did. It was unusual for you to cut to yourself when you tear up -- and that might not have been my choice...but it's real and it got me...and I think a lot of the time I'm too conservative about that kind of stuff. Okay? -It moved me. I did relate to it -- I really did. It was unusual for you to cut to yourself when you tear up -- and that might not have been my choice...but it's real and it got me...and I think a lot of the time I'm too conservative about that kind of stuff. Okay? Yeah. -It's incredible who's here. Who? -Who? Me! -Suppose I go in for a little while and you wait in the lobby-bar. How's that? Good. That's it...See you. -You're not going to take off on me, are you? Uh-uh. -You okay? Great. -Why can't I let go of this woman? Well... -At least kiss me when you do that. You just can't stop editing me. Huh? -You just can't stop editing me. Huh? This is hysterical. -I was half hoping I wouldn't have a good time tonight. You know why? Because you're nuts. -Because you're nuts. Right, right -- Isn't she fun to tease? -I don't remember saying anything like that -- exactly...I don't know why I just did. Oh let's see -- wait a minute, well, I can think of two reasons. -Oh let's see -- wait a minute, well, I can think of two reasons. What? -What? Three...I just thought of a third... If you talk about it, you don't have to do it. -Three...I just thought of a third... If you talk about it, you don't have to do it. That's not it. -That's not it. Good...Another is you're trying to make it all about sex and heat and nothing else. -I forgot all about Aaron. I promised to stop by and see how he did. I'd like to know. I'll go along. -I'd like to know. I'll go along. No. I'll see you at your apartment as soon as I can. -What happened? Don't run off -- like everything's settled the minute you make up your mind. -Don't run off -- like everything's settled the minute you make up your mind. He might be weird -- he can talk more freely if I go alone -- why's that so hard to understand? -He might be weird -- he can talk more freely if I go alone -- why's that so hard to understand? It's not that it's hard. I just want you to give me a minute to catch up. -It's not that it's hard. I just want you to give me a minute to catch up. Okay. Sorry. Don't yell at me like that again, you scared the life out of me. -Hi. It's me. Where are you? -Where are you? I can't get away just yet. I'm at Aaron's. -I can't get away just yet. I'm at Aaron's. Well, when? -Well, when? I'm not sure. It seems like he had sort of a mishap on the news. -I'm not sure. It seems like he had sort of a mishap on the news. I know. I taped it. -I know. I taped it. It wasn't as bad as he think, was it? -- it wasn't unprecedented or anything? -It wasn't as bad as he think, was it? -- it wasn't unprecedented or anything? Not if you count 'Singing in the Rain.' Do him a favor and don't treat it like a tragedy. You want me to talk to him? -Hi, again. Sorry about... No. That sounds more important. Let's forget about tonight. -No. That sounds more important. Let's forget about tonight. I don't know if that's absolutely necessary. -I don't know if that's absolutely necessary. I've got my father coming through tomorrow anyway. I should get some sleep. -I've got my father coming through tomorrow anyway. I should get some sleep. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. I'll see you at the office. Good night. -Hello? Yes. -Yes. Okay. Good night. -Okay. Good night. Good night??! -Good night??! Jane, I'm not some chore you have to finish so you can stay on schedule. -Jane, I'm not some chore you have to finish so you can stay on schedule. Okay, great, Grunick -- Easy shots now -- huh? Good night. -I feel terrible about what happened. What did he say? He -- uh -- said he liked you because you looked like you had -- fire and honesty. -He -- uh -- said he liked you because you looked like you had -- fire and honesty. No. Did he really? -No. Did he really? Yes. Then he said a really weird thing... -Yes. Then he said a really weird thing... What? -What? That it would be a treat to make someone like you feel better... He gets like that sometimes. -That it would be a treat to make someone like you feel better... He gets like that sometimes. That's so perfectly...It really makes me feel a little faint... Whooo. -Maybe I haven't been here long enough. But, hey, congratulations on the promotion. How can you say that to me? -How can you say that to me? Sorry. I can't stand here feeing bad that I don't feel worse. This has happened at every station I ever worked for. Look, I think it's crazy for you to come in here tomorrow and start a new job. I have a week to get to my job. Let's get the hell away to some island fast and find out how we are together away from this. -Well, I just think that' an extraordinary proposal. That's yes? -That's yes? That's more than 'yes' -- that's 'you bet.' -Then give me a minute... You fucking... -Why? I saw the taped outtakes of the interview with the girl. I know you 'acted' your reaction after the interview. -I felt funny about it afterwards. It's verboten, huh? I thought since I did it for real the first time -- but I get you. That's not the reason you're not coming? Of course it's the reason. It's terrible what you did. -Of course it's the reason. It's terrible what you did. We disagree on how God-awful it was. Why don't you come with me and we can disagree and get a tan at the same time? -We disagree on how God-awful it was. Why don't you come with me and we can disagree and get a tan at the same time? Jesus, if you're glib about this I'm going to lose it. I was up all night and... -Jesus, if you're glib about this I'm going to lose it. I was up all night and... Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane... -Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane... It made me ill. You could get fired for things like that. -It made me ill. You could get fired for things like that. I got promoted for things like that. -I got promoted for things like that. Working up tears for a new piece cutaway...You totally crossed the line between... -Working up tears for a new piece cutaway...You totally crossed the line between... It's hard not to cross it; they keep moving the little sucker, don't they? -It's hard not to cross it; they keep moving the little sucker, don't they? It just proves that the difference we have are... -It just proves that the difference we have are... This is a one-way argument. We've got six days; if you go and we fight and we hate it -- we'll come home. If you don't go? Well, that's a much bigger deal. I go to London right after that. So, it'd be very big deal if you stay here. The plane's boarding. You're good at deadline. Here's your ticket. -This is a one-way argument. We've got six days; if you go and we fight and we hate it -- we'll come home. If you don't go? Well, that's a much bigger deal. I go to London right after that. So, it'd be very big deal if you stay here. The plane's boarding. You're good at deadline. Here's your ticket. It's amazing. You commit this incredible breach of ethics and you act as if I'm nitpicking. Try and get this. When you edited that... -It's amazing. You commit this incredible breach of ethics and you act as if I'm nitpicking. Try and get this. When you edited that... I'm leaving now. Gate 43. -That's not going to be the way we say good-bye. Even though I think what you did was rotten -- it's not all impersonal. You mean something to me. You keep coming after me and looking down on me. It's starting to make me batty. -I don't wan to discuss work. Well, let's do a special report on that...I mean that's news. -Well, let's do a special report on that...I mean that's news. I knew what you meant. -I knew what you meant. What I don't know, I can learn and what I know, nobody can teach. Excuse me for saying it about myself, but I think it's true. What do you think? Never mind what you think. -You're lucky I came after you so you got that off your... Yes, I am. Thanks. I mean it. -Yes, I am. Thanks. I mean it. It's okay. -So you have an extra bathing suit, huh? You want to come? -You want to come? It's just that one of the few things I'm not confused about is what I was saying downstairs, that... -It's just that one of the few things I'm not confused about is what I was saying downstairs, that... Then you should stay here. -Then you should stay here. It's better when you let me say it. -Take it easy. Why did I have to do this to myself? Watch you take off. Call me if you need anything. -Well, why not? Hey, what is this? My life's rushing in front of my eyes. A picnic? -A picnic? I thought for ol' Cliff here -- Look at you? You're more adorable than your pictures. Look what I got for you. -What a great surprise. I didn't think we had a chance. I heard you wanted to stay in Washington. Well, there's a guy, but he says he'll fly up a lot. -Well, there's a guy, but he says he'll fly up a lot. Well, we should talk. You going to have time for dinner? I'd like you to meet Lila. -Well, we should talk. You going to have time for dinner? I'd like you to meet Lila. I'm sorry because I was looking forward to that, but I' m going back in a few hours. -I'm sorry because I was looking forward to that, but I' m going back in a few hours. Okay...It's so good to see you. -This is very awkward. Go ahead -- what? -Go ahead -- what? Ummm -- it's dumb dorm stuff but I see Tom around you a lot and this is such a small office and I'd like to see him outside of work, unless there's some reason for you to mind... in which case I just won't do anything. -Ummm -- it's dumb dorm stuff but I see Tom around you a lot and this is such a small office and I'd like to see him outside of work, unless there's some reason for you to mind... in which case I just won't do anything. God Almighty -- Whew. Do I mind? Why do I mind? I do mind. What a shock -- I don't have a right to... I don't think I like him. I know I don't respect him...So what am I talking about -- what am I saying to you? -God Almighty -- Whew. Do I mind? Why do I mind? I do mind. What a shock -- I don't have a right to... I don't think I like him. I know I don't respect him...So what am I talking about -- what am I saying to you? You're saying stay away from him. -You're saying stay away from him. I can't be. -I sure know that feeling. Terrific work today. Right back to you. -So he bought this Peugeot sedan at a greatly reduced price while he was there in charge of the White House Advance Team. How come you're not chasing it down yourself? -How come you're not chasing it down yourself? Look, I'm junior man -- and it's your beat. -Look, I'm junior man -- and it's your beat. Boy, that's nice...I wish we could all deal with each other like this. I'll check it. Anything I can do for you? -Boy, that's nice...I wish we could all deal with each other like this. I'll check it. Anything I can do for you? This is my first time at the White House. Is there any chance to look at where he works and the rest of it? -This is my first time at the White House. Is there any chance to look at where he works and the rest of it? I didn't have the guts to ask when I first came up. I'll get you a great tour. -The last time I was with someone we went through this awful mutual disease questionnaire but I guess it beats getting paranoid the next day. Okay, I'll go first. I haven't... It would never occur to me to worry at all about you. -Where's the bathroom? Through the closet. -I converted a bedroom -- this stuff builds up. Wait till you've been doing this sixteen years. I'm not knocking it. It's a great solution. Not only the storage but you can see everything you have. -That's enough. That's enough. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Are you okay? -Are you okay? Yes, I'm sorry. -Yes, I'm sorry. Don't be silly. What are you sorry about? -Don't be silly. What are you sorry about? The way you were looking at me, I just went. -I just need you for another minute now, so we can shoot from behind towards me, and, um... Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. ...that way we have someplace to go when we cut. And I just sit here, I nod my head and look nerdy. -Don't you work here? Not anymore! -Would you like to do me? I just might. -I just might. I'd be glad to help. For $50 an hour. -That's not true I am a sculptor! Oh yeah? -If you were an artist you could have created something! I'm going home! -What are you doing here? I wanted to apologize for being nasty to you this evening. -Listen schmuck, why don't you get out of here and let me go to bed! I didn't finish talking to you! -I didn't finish talking to you! Well I'm done talking to you, what do I have to do, draw you a diagram! -Well I'm done talking to you, what do I have to do, draw you a diagram! I decided to make a female figure after all! I want you to pose for it. -Well I'm touched. You're serious, aren't you? Yes. Fifty dollars an hour, right? -Yes. Fifty dollars an hour, right? Yeah. -Tonight. What, right now? -What, right now? Uh-huh. -It's kind of dark - Shh! -I'm almost ready - Sit in this chair, and I'll pose you. -That doesn't look like very much clay. Oh it's enough... -Oh it's enough... Are you nervous, Walter? -Are you nervous, Walter? N-no... -Not even a little bit? I already told you I'm not. -I already told you I'm not. When's the last time you had a totally nude girl in your room... -When's the last time you had a totally nude girl in your room... Um... -Um... Without a stitch of clothing on, sitting and facing you... -A girl with a body like mine? You're breaking my concentration! -Walter can I ask you something? What! -What! Are you a virgin? -It's just an innocent question. Besides I just wanted to clarify your intentions. Whaddya mean? -Whaddya mean? Well I just wanted to make sure you know, fully and completely, that you're never gonna get any from me, at least in this lifetime. -Look - This pose is all wrong! I'll pose any way you want. -Alright we're clear. Anything new? -Anything new? Not really. One girl who fit the descrip came in, kinda skinny, brunette, didn't see much changing hands. -Not really. One girl who fit the descrip came in, kinda skinny, brunette, didn't see much changing hands. Is the manager cooperating? -Is the manager cooperating? Yeah, he's keeping an eye out, said he'd call us if he sees anything. That's about it for tonight. -Yeah, he's keeping an eye out, said he'd call us if he sees anything. That's about it for tonight. Alright I got you, man. It's my turn for freak patrol. -Alright I got you, man. It's my turn for freak patrol. You know it. I'm out of here. -What the hell's going on? Everyone wants to meet the bus boy. -Everyone wants to meet the bus boy. What did he do? -What did he do? He made a cat. -See you later - Righto. -Don't worry about him...what have you got? A thing I made. -I've never seen anything like this, maybe Segal, but nothing with such... dichotomy... It's very good, Walter - Honest? -You really like it? Of course...it's wonderful. -Great! What is it? It's a...full length life-size figure! -It's a...full length life-size figure! What's it called? -What's it called? Murdered man. -It's called spontaneity, Leonard. Get with the program. Yeah it was all just an accident. -Look at the size of it! It's not really that big I got it on kind of a stand... -It's not really that big I got it on kind of a stand... Let's see it. -Let's see it. Uh, well, I'm a little nervous, I never did a person before. -Uh, well, I'm a little nervous, I never did a person before. You can do anything you want if you set your mind to it. -Like it? It's a masterpiece. I've never seen anything like it before... and I hope I never see anything like it again. Walter smiles and looks at his creation - Me too. -How did you ever find it all in yourself, Walter? It wasn't easy. -Gee..twenty five dollars for something I made! Now you're a professional! -Hi Walter. Carla... -These guys came by to help me try out some of my new organic recipes. Oh... -What's up, Walter? I came over to see you. I brought something...I wanted to show you. -I came over to see you. I brought something...I wanted to show you. Oh yeah? -Oh yeah? Yeah. Can some of you guys help me? -Is it murdered man? Better! -You think she's better than Murdered Man? Well I can't say that Walter! She's incomparable. They're both great. -More champagne, your majesty? Here here... -Where where... There there... -May I please have another little kiss? Walter! Jeez! -Walter! Jeez! Sorry... -Did you hear what he said? Yes Walter. -Yes Walter. All about me... -It's true, isn't it? Every word... -I know what it is to be ignored. Tell us what you're going to make next, Walter. -Tell us what you're going to make next, Walter. I'm gonna make the most wildest wittiest things you ever seen... gonna make big statues and li'l statues, tall statues n' short statues... -I mean, you look so pretty. Thank you. -Thank you. Are you ready? -Are you ready? Ready? We've got plenty of time. -Ready? We've got plenty of time. I know. But I wanted to talk to you. -Goodbye. Bye! -Nice night out... Hm... -Well...what did you want to talk to me about? Well...w-what kind of people do you like, Carla? -Well...w-what kind of people do you like, Carla? Oh, I don't know. Smart people. Creative people I guess. -Oh, I don't know. Smart people. Creative people I guess. You think I'm creative? -You think I'm creative? Of course I do! -Of course I do! That means you like me! -I like you very much, Walter. I thought you did on account of you kissed me the other night! -Well that was for your sculpture of the girl. Your nude in the chair. Carla - -- even though Leonard's always asking you to go out with him and I - just - What are you trying to say? -Uh... ...how long have you been thinking about this, Walter? Oh...f-for a long time. Ever since you first came to the club. -But you gotta love me! Why do you think I made that statue of Alice?! Walter, I'm sorry... -Walter, I'm sorry... You just can't be sorry! I wanna - I wanna marry you! -Now calm down Walter! Now, let's go in there, and when the show's over, maybe we can talk about it. No! I want to talk about it now! -No! I want to talk about it now! Walter... I don't want to hurt your feelings but there is no way we're ever going to get...together. You know what I mean? -Walter... I don't want to hurt your feelings but there is no way we're ever going to get...together. You know what I mean? Why not?! -Why not?! Because... We're just friends. That's all. Just friends. WALTER I get it. I see the whole thing now. No one knows if Walter Paisley is born! -Because... We're just friends. That's all. Just friends. WALTER I get it. I see the whole thing now. No one knows if Walter Paisley is born! Jeez, what is your problem all of a sudden? -Jeez, what is your problem all of a sudden? Oh sure, let's string along poor Walter, see how far it will take us! -I'm sorry about what I said before. Forget it. -Forget it. I've been thinking... Carla, would you do one favor for me? -I've been thinking... Carla, would you do one favor for me? Just about anything, Walter. -Just about anything, Walter. Would you let me make...a statue of you? -Would you really like to? That would make me very happy. Ok...tonight. I'll make a statue of you tonight, OK? -Walter...there's... What? -What? There's...a body inside that statue! -Walter...stay away from me! Don't you see Carla? I made them immortal. -That's word for word. Is it? I've forgotten. -Here you go, enjoy. I hope this was made with egg whites! -I hope this was made with egg whites! It was. -It was. What's this sauce! I'm lactose intolerant. -What's this sauce! I'm lactose intolerant. Don't worry it's a non-dairy sauce made from soy milk. -Don't worry it's a non-dairy sauce made from soy milk. Hm. -Put it in the middle of the room! When did you make this, Walter? -Walter...I can't believe it. I'm honored to know this man. -Ah, your new head shot... I like it, very much... Do you have to be so cold to him? -I'm trying to find a style of my own. Do you really like them? Oh yes...very nice...very, very nice... -Hi Walter... What are you doing here so early? -Maybe so... I wouldn't give up your day job. -You've arrived. You've been recognized. You're a talent, a creative force to be reckoned with. Leonard, what are you doing? -Are you trying to be funny? I'm totally serious! -Murdered...man?... When do we get to see it? WALTER Well...any time, I guess. -Are you alright? Yes...I'm uh...I'm fine. -Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better. Listen, I'm going over to Walter's after the place closes. I want to get a look at Murdered Man. Do you want to come along? -What's the matter with you? Nothing...nothing at all. -Nothing...nothing at all. I've never seen anyone so... squeamish. Well, what's your opinion, Leonard? -I've never seen anyone so... squeamish. Well, what's your opinion, Leonard? Don't ask. -Don't ask. Oh come on! Even you can see its value. -Well then admit it, it's a work of genius. I admit it. -No. Why don't you cover it up Walter... Why not? -Why not? Why don't you cover it up, Walter! -What's wrong with you, why do you want to hide it? Well, I've been thinking... I didn't realize how much...talent Walter actually had. It would be wrong for us to show them one at a time. Dead wrong. -Well, I've been thinking... I didn't realize how much...talent Walter actually had. It would be wrong for us to show them one at a time. Dead wrong. You're right. We should build a collection first. -It will take years to make that many statues. But your work would be featured. That's the idea, Walter. It's the only way to gain recognition. All the big art critics and art dealers would be there, it would be an event. -That's the idea, Walter. It's the only way to gain recognition. All the big art critics and art dealers would be there, it would be an event. Yeah then you could unload - sell this stuff for a lot more. -Carla and I will guide you, help develop and evolve your work...maybe lead you toward something more abstract... Abstract? With his talent for realism? -Abstract? With his talent for realism? You see the direction his realism takes! It's unhealthy! -Would you pose for me for free? Well, it all depends, Leonard... -It's our road kill series. I take the pictures. I do the research. -Yeah, can you say plagiarism? Not only that, he copied us! -Look at that, man. Big deal. I know. -I know. I mean it's like, you know, I do my art because that's what I am, you know? I'm an artist. I'm not like a banker, you know. Like I create. -I mean it's like, you know, I do my art because that's what I am, you know? I'm an artist. I'm not like a banker, you know. Like I create. I know, man. -I know, man. But it bugs me when someone rips off our ideas, our concepts, and people freak out about it, you know, and tell us ours stinks! -But it bugs me when someone rips off our ideas, our concepts, and people freak out about it, you know, and tell us ours stinks! I know, man. -I know, man. I mean, screw them, you know? I'm just gonna go right on creating 'cause it comes from here - you know? -I mean, screw them, you know? I'm just gonna go right on creating 'cause it comes from here - you know? I know, man. -I wonder what his deal is. I think he's looking for you, man... it's all finally catching up with you! -Man that's a trippy name, kinda like the Warhol mayhem series... I saw a statue once called The Third Time Phyllis Saw Me She Exploded. -I saw a statue once called The Third Time Phyllis Saw Me She Exploded. Now what kind of statue was that? -Now what kind of statue was that? I don't know it was made out of driftwood and dipped in sulfuric acid. It was out there... -There's that weird dude again. Man if this place doesn't cool out I'm gonna hang out somewhere else... -Man look at that get up ! Looks like that cat paid off in spades. -Looks like that cat paid off in spades. Let's check out the scene. -Man if you want to be a legit artist you have to do nudes, nudes, nudes... Right. Ain't no body of work complete without some... nudes - -Man this is heavy! Yeah what's this, Murdered Elephant? -What did he say? Didn't you hear him? -Didn't you hear him? No man I'm on my own plane. -Man, why do you suppose Walter wants to get her alone? You suppose he could be physically attracted to her? No man, he ain't the type. He don't get enough vitamin E. -No man, he ain't the type. He don't get enough vitamin E. Maxwell gave him a bottle of wheat germ oil. Maybe he started taking it. -That's alright, we got a pressing engagement! Yeah, right outside the door! -Walter, what are you doing? I was just looking at Carla's picture. -I was just looking at Carla's picture. Well that's not what I pay you for, now is it? -Well that's not what I pay you for, now is it? Well I was uh, just looking... -Well I was uh, just looking... Well do some looking around the room. I see cups, ashtrays - let's go... -Well I brought something, I wanted to show you. What is it, your laundry? -What is it, your laundry? Huh? -Where'd ya buy that? I didn't buy it I made it. -You...made that? I said I did, didn't I! -Dead Cat! Dead Cat? -Dead Cat? Yeah. -Yeah. Well it sure looks dead enough. -You want to buy it, put it in the club? You want me to buy Dead Cat? It'll scare people away. -Well...why did you put a knife in it? I didn't mean to. -I didn't mean to. Got carried away, huh? -Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll put it in the corner of the alcove. If it sells, we'll split it fifty- fifty. How's that? Sure! So I guess that means I'm an artist after all. -All that is comes through the eye of the artist... Alright get a grip on yourself Now since you're here why don't you start early, the kitchen needs cleaning. -Alright get a grip on yourself Now since you're here why don't you start early, the kitchen needs cleaning. Sure! -People seem to like my cat. Enough already about it - get to work! -Did you hear that Mr. De Santis? Everyone's really crazy about Dead Cat. Yes they are, aren't they? Look, why don't you take the rest of the night off, you look tired. -Yes they are, aren't they? Look, why don't you take the rest of the night off, you look tired. Well I don't know - -No, it's Ok...you came in early. Besides, you're creating an incident. When people are applauding they don't order anything. Well... -Well... Look, go home and...work on something. Make another cat. -Look, go home and...work on something. Make another cat. I don't have another cat! -I don't have another cat! Well make a dog, make a parakeet! I'm sure you'll think of something. -Well make a dog, make a parakeet! I'm sure you'll think of something. A parakeet? -Go home. OK...good night Mr. De Santis! -OK...good night Mr. De Santis! Good night Walter. -H-have a seat? Have a seat - -I thought I'm not supposed to sit with the customers... Now why shouldn't you, Walter? Things are different now... -Now why shouldn't you, Walter? Things are different now... They are? -Hiya Carla. What am I doing? I'm just telling Walter the truth. -You know what that proves? What, Mr. De Santis? -The question is what are you going to make next, Walter? Did you make that dog yet, or that parakeet? How about making something out of the cockroaches in your room? I-I already got a new one! -Well...why murdered man? I don't know, it just happened, I guess. I didn't mean to. -I don't know, it just happened, I guess. I didn't mean to. You didn't mean to what? -You didn't mean to what? Well, I mean it could have been something else, but it just worked out that way. -It's hot in here... You want me to open a window or something? -A show?! Like this Sunday? N-no! Not exactly, I mean you take years and years... -A show..how soon can we go? These things take time Walter... but for now you've got to break out of this one...avenue you're on... -You better hold off on the bubbly. Yeah, why? -Yeah, why? You might talk too much. -You might talk too much. Yeah and what would I say? -Hello Leonard! Beautiful morning, isn't it? It was. -What do you have in the box? Just wait till you see this! -Whatsamatter Leonard? You made...a bust... WALTER Yeah isn't it wonderful? -Whatsamatter Leonard? Put it down, Walter. -Walter...Walter listen carefully. I don't want you to make any more statues. Do you understand? No more statues. Well Why not? I gotta make statues Leonard. You heard Maxwell, they want me to make them. I can't go back to being a busboy! -Well Why not? I gotta make statues Leonard. You heard Maxwell, they want me to make them. I can't go back to being a busboy! Maxwell! He's behind all this with all his stupid blowhard poetry! Listen, you've got to stop right away! I'm beginning to feel responsible! -Maxwell! He's behind all this with all his stupid blowhard poetry! Listen, you've got to stop right away! I'm beginning to feel responsible! Well, w-what did you do? -Well, w-what did you do? Never mind... -When Carla comes by I'll talk to her. She'll make up some nice invitations. We'll have them printed up. Yeah? -Yeah? Well invite the critics, and the art collectors...we'll tell them... -I tried to contact you by phone but I couldn't... Excuse me I have to make a call... -I want that cat. I'll pay you one thousand dollars - cash. I'm trying to reach Lieutenant Beldere... -I'm trying to reach Lieutenant Beldere... What offers have you got for it? I won't be out-bidded. I'm a wealthy man and I don't mind paying for something I want. -What offers have you got for it? I won't be out-bidded. I'm a wealthy man and I don't mind paying for something I want. I can't talk right now. -I can't talk right now. What do you want for it? Two thousand? Three thousand? -What do you want for it? Two thousand? Three thousand? No...look I'm busy... -No...look I'm busy... Listen to me...I don't want to lose this piece - -Listen to me...I don't want to lose this piece - I'm holding for Lieutenant Beldere! -I'm holding for Lieutenant Beldere! Listen to me, listen to me...I've been collecting art pieces all over the world for years and let me tell you something. This newcomer Walter Paisley has it, whatever it is, the X factor, that indefinable quality that separates the greats from the hacks, and I want that cat in my hands. Are you listening to me? -Listen to me, listen to me...I've been collecting art pieces all over the world for years and let me tell you something. This newcomer Walter Paisley has it, whatever it is, the X factor, that indefinable quality that separates the greats from the hacks, and I want that cat in my hands. Are you listening to me? Can't you see I'm busy here? -How ya doin'? Uh, hi. -Hello, Walter. Hi. I know you! I've seen you down at the Jabberjaw plenty. -Hi. I know you! I've seen you down at the Jabberjaw plenty. Yes, you have. Can I come in? -Yes, you have. Can I come in? Uh, sure. -I was going to make some pancakes, you can have some if you like. Hm. -Hm. Did you see my cat? -Did you see my cat? Yeah I did. -I also saw the girl give you this. Oh yeah that was Mayolia, she's a nice girl. She's kind of strange, though. -You like chasing the dragon, Walter? Chasing the dragon? Whaddya mean? You sure you don't want a pancake? -Chasing the dragon? Whaddya mean? You sure you don't want a pancake? You can cut the crap. -Police officer. You're like an undercover guy! -You're like an undercover guy! You're in some deep shit pal, whether you know it or not. -You're in some deep shit pal, whether you know it or not. Huh?!!! -Huh?!!! Possession of narcotics isn't something we take lightly, you understand? -But I got a feeling you're gonna cooperate with me. Yessir, I think you and me are gonna be real good friends. Why don't you tell me about your connection. C-connection? -C-connection? I'm not looking to pinch you! I don't care about you, or the girl. But you want to save your ass, you better start telling me what I want to hear. Now! -I'm not looking to pinch you! I don't care about you, or the girl. But you want to save your ass, you better start telling me what I want to hear. Now! Telling you what? -Telling you what? Who's the head honcho! Who's providing the smack connection! -Who's the head honcho! Who's providing the smack connection! Smack? -Smack? Goddammit, where are you from, Mars? -Goddammit, where are you from, Mars? Alaska! What the heck's wrong with it! -Alaska! What the heck's wrong with it! Haven't you ever heard of smack! Horse! Junk! Heroin! -Haven't you ever heard of smack! Horse! Junk! Heroin! Is that what that is? I never seen any before. I always thought that stuff was expensive! -Is that what that is? I never seen any before. I always thought that stuff was expensive! Oh, yeah. It can get real expensive. -Who do think you're dealing with, huh? I'm willing to cut you a break, chief! You are? -You are? Good ol' mild mannered Walter! Give it up. It doesn't fly with me. -I- don't know what you're talking about! You're coming downtown with me, Walter. You're gonna come clean with me, you're gonna name names or I swear to God I'll see to it personally you rot in a cell upstate! Are we understanding each other? -You're coming downtown with me, Walter. You're gonna come clean with me, you're gonna name names or I swear to God I'll see to it personally you rot in a cell upstate! Are we understanding each other? Wait a minute! What'd I do? -Wait a minute! What'd I do? I got you cold, pal. Make it easy for yourself, use your head. -I got you cold, pal. Make it easy for yourself, use your head. I didn't do nothing wrong! That was Mayolia's! I didn't ask her for it. I don't know about any - -I didn't do nothing wrong! That was Mayolia's! I didn't ask her for it. I don't know about any - Yeah yeah yeah - look! I've heard this song and dance before, save your breath, you're coming with me! Lou goes to turn Walter against the wall but Walter springs back - -Yeah yeah yeah - look! I've heard this song and dance before, save your breath, you're coming with me! Lou goes to turn Walter against the wall but Walter springs back - Wait a minute - I told you I didn't do nothing wrong! -Wait a minute - I told you I didn't do nothing wrong! Don't give me a hard time Walter! You don't want to get me mad! You're coming with me! -Don't give me a hard time Walter! You don't want to get me mad! You're coming with me! I ain't going no place with you! -You're gonna shoot me! Turn around! -What are ya, deaf? Turn around! NO! NO DON'T SHOOT ME I DON'T WANT TO GET SHOT! -NO! NO DON'T SHOOT ME I DON'T WANT TO GET SHOT! Relax! -YOU'RE GONNA SHOOT ME! Walter shut up and relax! -Walter shut up and relax! NO YOU'RE GONNA SHOOT ME DON'T SHOOT - -I don't think anyone gets what I said, their blank faces staring, mute, unfeeling - I liked it very much Mr. Brock. I liked it very much. -I liked it very much Mr. Brock. I liked it very much. Well I'm overjoyed. -Well I'm overjoyed. """Let them die, and by their miserable death become the clay in his hands, that he might form an ashtray or an ark -""" -I thought you believed that life is a homeless traveler riding on the RTD of - I know that - I know that! I also believe in burning the creative candle, you understand, down to the end - to be uncreative you might as well be dead...a walking machine, toiling in a factory! -I know that - I know that! I also believe in burning the creative candle, you understand, down to the end - to be uncreative you might as well be dead...a walking machine, toiling in a factory! I worked in one of them. Back in Alaska. -Are you done with these? Yes, get rid of them... -I saw your...cat. Did you like it Mister Brock? -Did you like it Mister Brock? Call me...Maxwell. -Maxwell. I see the rewards of achievement have come your way. -And what project looms on the horizon, Walter? Uh, I don't know. -Hi. Good morning Walter! -Wheat germ omelette, guava nectar and garbanzo sprinkled with smoked yeast. Join us? No thanks. Sounds good though. -No thanks. Sounds good though. Suit yourself. -An' everyone will say Walter let me shake your hand...it's a real pleasure to have known you... Here here! -After that we go no more! Hiya Maxwell. -I won't say good luck, Walter. Why not? -Why not? It would imply you could not succeed on your ability alone! -Why on Earth should you be so depressed? Have you heard some of the things they've been saying? You can make fifty thousand on these pieces alone! I thought you didn't respect money! -I thought you didn't respect money! I don't! But fifty thou? That's not money, that's manna! -I get it Walter. I get it. What do you get? -What do you get? Your work, the layers of irony. -Hello Mayolia. Walter, you did something to me with your work tonight. -Walter, you did something to me with your work tonight. With Dead Cat? -With Dead Cat. Like a breath of fresh air. I could just - babble on about it for hours. Really? -It's like...you've turned on. T-turned on? -T-turned on? A hot light bulb is burning inside of you. I want to be warmed by it. -A hot light bulb is burning inside of you. I want to be warmed by it. That's really nice of you Mayolia. -That's really nice of you Mayolia. Let me into your world Walter... let me into that white hot inspired world. -Let me into your world Walter... let me into that white hot inspired world. I can't. I gotta go home. -Well, I'll go home with you. Oh no, I couldn't do that. Mrs. Swicker would start asking questions. She's my landlady. -I don't think so Mayolia. I want to be part of it, I want to inspire you, I want to do - something! -I want to be part of it, I want to inspire you, I want to do - something! You don't have to do anything! -You don't have to do anything! Then let me give you something then... -I want you to have it. There's a little something for you in here... Gee. Thanks. -Gee. Thanks. Let it inspire you. Maybe it will let you think of me. -Oh, hello Mrs. Swicker. Hello Walter. I want to tell you the super fixed the leaky pipes and sealed up that hole in your wall. -Hello Walter. I want to tell you the super fixed the leaky pipes and sealed up that hole in your wall. Oh, OK. -Oh, OK. Walter you look awful pale! What did you have to eat today? -Walter you look awful pale! What did you have to eat today? I had a salami sandwich, Mrs. Swicker. -I had a salami sandwich, Mrs. Swicker. If you were my son...why don't you let me fix you a nice hot bowl of soup, it won't take but a minute. -If you were my son...why don't you let me fix you a nice hot bowl of soup, it won't take but a minute. Oh no, that's OK, I can fix myself something. Besides, I got something important to do... -Uh, no, I didn't see him at all. What's got into that cat? Well if you do see him, tell him I've got a nice fat piece of ocean-fresh halibut for him - -What's got into that cat? Well if you do see him, tell him I've got a nice fat piece of ocean-fresh halibut for him - T-tell him that? -T-tell him that? If you see him. -If you see him. OK Mrs. Swicker. -Good night Walter... Good night, Mrs. Swicker - -What's all the noise in here! Noise Mrs. Swicker? What noise? -Don't tell me I didn't hear a racket! I'm an older woman and I don't need to be upset and disturbed in this manner! I was just straightening up the place. -I was just straightening up the place. Straightening up indeed! Are you sure you're not alone? -Straightening up indeed! Are you sure you're not alone? I'm always alone, Mrs. Swicker, you know that. -Walter have you been talking to yourself again? Well yes I guess I have been Mrs. Swicker. Somebody's got to. -She doesn't have to be pretty... just as long as she takes good care of you... Uh, I can take real good care of myself, Mrs. Swicker! -Uh, Mrs. Swicker I got to meet some friends later, and I have to take a shower! Well why don't you clean up this dump! -I will - good night Mrs. Swicker! What's the matter with you! -I don't think this is gold. Not as single-minded as the others, not as sybaritic. Almost thoughtful. She's useless. -What's wrong with you!?! My arm! He took my fucking arm! -My arm! He took my fucking arm! Shut up! You let him have it! -You reckless imbecile. This place is ours for the taking and you let yourself... twelve hundred years old and you act like a child. I had him in my grasp. -I had him in my grasp. Cheer up. You may still. -I look horrible. The other two -- the new ones. Where are they? -The other two -- the new ones. Where are they? I don't know. But the boy, he couldn't kill them. -I don't know. But the boy, he couldn't kill them. No... Not a boy... Find out if they're dead. And do something about that arm. Honestly, I don't know how you made it through the Crusades. -I like it. Can I be your friend? Stay away from my thang. Sorry, honey. 'Thing.' -Well, um... litter? Litter, yeah! -... And they're having some memorial service or something tomorrow. You going? I don't know. Coach said I had to work on my 'ab's.' -I don't know. Coach said I had to work on my 'ab's.' Coach knows what abs are? -Whoa! Whoa! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't actually need any right now. What's with you? -Nice to feel needed. Let's move out! -Let's move out! Yes! -Nice game. Jeffrey, I don't mean to sound sexist or anything, but can I borrow her? -Jeffrey, I don't mean to sound sexist or anything, but can I borrow her? Andy! -Man has a complex. He's got a... What do you call it? A Napoleonic Code. -Don't grab me, okay? Absolutely. I see now the error of my mistake. -Buffy! Looking tasty. Thanks. Have you seen Jeffrey? -Buffy, this is crazy. What do these guys want? Andy, start breaking up some chairs. You'll need weapons. -Booo! Suck! -Suck! Wrong answer! No prize. -No, we didn't. Oh, yeah. But I still want to know what happens. -Come on, come on, fork up the scub. That's it, man. That's the whole story. -That's it, man. That's the whole story. We're looking at a dog, possible coffee... -It's coffee. Amazing! -Figures. Do people ever call you 'Buffy the Buffalo?' I'm just wondering. -You're the guys from the movie! We hate you guys! -Hey! She wasted my dog! Bummer metaphor. -Rich bitches. They're a plague. They've gotta be stopped. You didn't like them. -You didn't like them. They're all the same! They're so stuck up, they're just... they're not even human. I hate them. -They're all the same! They're so stuck up, they're just... they're not even human. I hate them. Would you sleep with them? -Would you sleep with them? Yes. Definitely. Definitely. Please, God. -Yes. Definitely. Definitely. Please, God. Well, there it is, isn't it? You don't even like them, and you'd sleep with them. What's that all about? -Well, there it is, isn't it? You don't even like them, and you'd sleep with them. What's that all about? I got a news flash, man, another shot of this and I'll have sex with you. -I got a news flash, man, another shot of this and I'll have sex with you. Oh, yeah, and then you'll never call me. -When you get your car together, man, let's bail. You think? Split? -You think? Split? Utterly. Let's bail this town. It's getting... I don't know. Let's go somewhere where there aren't any rich bitches. -Utterly. Let's bail this town. It's getting... I don't know. Let's go somewhere where there aren't any rich bitches. Our own world, where we could live and grow beans. Hundreds of beans. -Benny, man, where you been? You bailed on me, I passed out, man, I almost did a Jimi Hendrix! Let me in. -Let me in. Hey, I'm trying, but this window is burnt -- -Invite me in, Pike. Wait a minute. What's wrong with you, man? -Wait a minute. What's wrong with you, man? I'm fine. -I'm fine. You look like shit, Benny. -I... feel.... pretty. No offense, man, but I think you're on something nasty. Why don't you just go and cool out and I'll see you in the morning or something. -No offense, man, but I think you're on something nasty. Why don't you just go and cool out and I'll see you in the morning or something. The sun! It burns! It burns! -Let me in, Pike! I'm hungry! Get away from here. -Get away from here. I'm hungry. -I'm hungry. I mean it. -Did you see a girl come by here? You don't mean, like, a cheerleader? -You don't mean, like, a cheerleader? Yes. -Yes. Yeah, I saw her. Bitch took my wheels. -Yeah, I saw her. Bitch took my wheels. Wheels? -Wheels? My bike! She's a lesbian, too. She told me. -My bike! She's a lesbian, too. She told me. Which way did she go? -Which way did she go? Down there. -Excellent. What's playing there? -Your parents are always going away for the weekend. You're so lucky. Yeah, I guess. -Yeah, I guess. My mom doesn't go anywhere. She even does the shopping network. I'm gonna die a virgin. -Oh, my God. Is that true? Probably. What movie is this? -Are there any good sicknesses that aren't too depressing? Guys. The environment. I'm telling you, it's totally key. The earth is in terrible shape, we could al die, and besides, Sting's doing it. -Hey, I was thinking, for the dance, what about a big sign that says 'Don't Tread On Me'. You know, and a picture of the earth. Don't tread on the earth? -Dying. Eeyuu. -Hi, Buffy. Hi, guys. -He doesn't look fifty. Guys. Guys! Reality pulled out of her five minutes ago. -Do you know what time it is? Uum... around ten? -Buffy, honey? Yeah? -Yeah? Have you gained a few pounds? Maybe it's that outfit... -Have you gained a few pounds? Maybe it's that outfit... Maybe. -Maybe. What's Bobby gonna say? -What's Bobby gonna say? I don't know, Mom; I've never met Bobby. -I don't know, Mom; I've never met Bobby. Aren't we the chatty ones. Kiss noise. -You okay? I... yeah, I'm okay. I'm fine. -Well... it's possible they think my name's Bobby. Real 'quality-timers,' Hugh. -Real 'quality-timers,' Hugh. Something like that. -Something like that. Hey, it works for me. If they want to leave you alone in the house, all helpless and vulnerable... -What show is this? It's the news, Buffy. -It's the news, Buffy. Oh. Who's in it? I know what it is. It's what's on instead of the movie. -Oh. Who's in it? I know what it is. It's what's on instead of the movie. I just want to see the basketball scores. It's important. -I just want to see the basketball scores. It's important. Mmmnkay. -Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. You were having a nightmare. -What'd you dream about? Nothing. -Nothing. Come on, what was it? -Come on, what was it? Nothing. It was just a dream. -Hey there. Hi. -Are you going out with Jeffrey tonight? Jealous? -Hey, baby, how ya doing? You look beat. I do? I guess I do. -I do? I guess I do. Where were you last night? I called your house like four times. -Where were you last night? I called your house like four times. I went to sleep. I think I have the flu or something. -I can't get sick. You know -- training and all. I'm gonna be late. 'Bye. -I can take care of myself, Jeffrey. So I noticed. -So that's your tutor, huh? What is he, like, your boyfriend now? Jeffrey. Projectile vomit. -Buffy, what are you doing here? I thought we were meeting here. -I thought we were meeting here. I'm here with Jenny. -I don't understand. Oh, come on, Buffy. You know what's going on. It's not working out at all. I've got to move on. I mean, I've got needs, too. I told you about all this. -Oh, come on, Buffy. You know what's going on. It's not working out at all. I've got to move on. I mean, I've got needs, too. I told you about all this. No, you didn't. When? -No, you didn't. When? Didn't you get my message? -Didn't you get my message? You broke up with my machine? -You broke up with my machine? You weren't home. Like always. -You weren't home. Like always. You left me a message? -You left me a message? I'm out of here. Jenny. -Ah, my fool is dead. He was careless, always. Still, I'll pull out your tongue for that. Don't you understand? I've killed you a dozen times. Your life is not a blink of my eye, not a single breath. I have lived in the shadows, in the pulsing filth behind men's eyes. A thousand years, and more. I have conversed with the worms that fed on my corpse and I have bathed in the blood of emperors. Have you ever thrown up in the front row of a Richard Marx concert? -Have you ever thrown up in the front row of a Richard Marx concert? What? -You're even weaker than the others. I think you've forgotten something. -This? This is you only weapon? Your puny faith? No... -I am a God! A God! I am so sure. -Will you guys shut up, please? It could happen. -Can we have a hot dog, please, medium rare, and a cup of joe? You guys are thrashed. -Yeah, we're drunk. We're the Drunks. What's your name? Buffy. -Hi. Hi there. -Hi there. Is that your car? -Is that your car? It was. I think it's pretty much ready for the -- -How are you doing? Oh, I'm good. I'm good. Kind of miss my knees, though. -Oh, I'm good. I'm good. Kind of miss my knees, though. You want some water or something? -You want some water or something? Water. Okay. -Do you do this kind of thing a lot? I mean, is this like a hobby? Not exactly. -Not exactly. They were vampires, weren't they? -They were vampires, weren't they? Yeah. -Yeah. God! Unbelievable. Vampires. -You had a car full of stuff. Were you leaving? Yeah, I was bailing. I have a friend, and he's really... well, he's really vampire, I guess. Bad scene. -Yeah, I was bailing. I have a friend, and he's really... well, he's really vampire, I guess. Bad scene. Well, stay here tonight. -Well, stay here tonight. Thanks. Tomorrow morning, I'm on a bus. I'm gone. -Thanks. Tomorrow morning, I'm on a bus. I'm gone. Where are you gonna go? -Where are you gonna go? Well, I've always wanted to see Oxnard. -Hey, jeez are you okay? You need a hand? It's nothing. It doesn't hurt. -Things are kind of confusing. I'll back that up. -I'll back that up. Three weeks ago all I thought about was... well, I didn't actually think about anything. I definitely didn't expect this. -Three weeks ago all I thought about was... well, I didn't actually think about anything. I definitely didn't expect this. I know. My guidance counselor never mentioned anything about vampires. 'Prison' came up a few times, but nothing about undead. -I know. My guidance counselor never mentioned anything about vampires. 'Prison' came up a few times, but nothing about undead. It's weird. I went back to my old grade school once, to the playground -- I used to hang out there all the time, playing on the swings and stuff... I went back and it was so tiny, the whole place. I couldn't even fit on the swings. Everything just looked so small. I'm sorry. I'm babbling. -It's weird. I went back to my old grade school once, to the playground -- I used to hang out there all the time, playing on the swings and stuff... I went back and it was so tiny, the whole place. I couldn't even fit on the swings. Everything just looked so small. I'm sorry. I'm babbling. No, you're not. -I'm kinda beat. You can stay in my mom's room if you want. I think I'll just hang out here. Make sure the sun comes up and everything. -I think I'll just hang out here. Make sure the sun comes up and everything. You sure? -You sure? Oh, I'll be fine. Got my chair, got my window, I'm great. -Oh, I'll be fine. Got my chair, got my window, I'm great. Mmkay. -Hey, Buffy... Yeah? -Yeah? You know, you saved my life. And I just wanted to say... I forgive you for talking during the movie. Almost. -I didn't expect to see you. I know. -I know. Why'd you come back? -Why'd you come back? I don't know. I kind of thought I ought to be here. You know, this isn't exactly the kind of thing you can run away from. -I don't know. I kind of thought I ought to be here. You know, this isn't exactly the kind of thing you can run away from. Thanks. -Thanks. Besides, Oxnard sucks. -Pike, I don't think you're up to this. I think I could help. You gonna tell me you don't need help? -Buffy? What's wrong? Oh, God. It's him. I think it's him. -Oh, God. It's him. I think it's him. Who? -Who? Merrick... -I been working on some stuff for you. What'cha doing? I'm going shopping. Don't try to stop me. -I'm going shopping. Don't try to stop me. Cool. I could actually use a couple of Allen wrenches. What do you need? -Cool. I could actually use a couple of Allen wrenches. What do you need? A dress. -A dress. Dress, huh? What for? -Dress, huh? What for? For the dance. -For the dance. Come again? -Come again? I'm going to the senior dance. -I'm going to the senior dance. Second word... sound like 'dance'. -I'm going to the dance. What for? -What for? In order to dance and to drink punch and to be with my friends. Comprende? -In order to dance and to drink punch and to be with my friends. Comprende? I don't believe this. The world's under attack by the legions of the undead and you're going to a mixer? -I don't believe this. The world's under attack by the legions of the undead and you're going to a mixer? It's not a mixer. It's the senior dance. And it's important. You wouldn't understand. -It's not a mixer. It's the senior dance. And it's important. You wouldn't understand. You got that right. I thought you wanted to kill vampires. -You got that right. I thought you wanted to kill vampires. I don't want to kill anybody, and I don't want to talk about it anymore. -I don't want to kill anybody, and I don't want to talk about it anymore. Listen, I know you're bummed about your friend, and I'm really sorry... -Listen, I know you're bummed about your friend, and I'm really sorry... He did what he was supposed to. -He did what he was supposed to. But, Buffy, you're the guy, the chosen guy. -But, Buffy, you're the guy, the chosen guy. Right. I'm the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping. -Right. I'm the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping. I should have known. -Leave me alone. Benny was right. You guys are all exactly the same. -I crashed your party. Pretty shallow of you. -Pretty shallow of you. That's me. -That's me. I'm glad you came. -I'm glad you came. Yeah, you look like you're having a swell time. -Will I get the shit kicked out of me if I ask you to dance? I don't actually think Jeffrey's gonna notice. -I'm going out the front. Are you nuts, Buffy? There's a hundred of them out there. They'll rip us apart. -Are you nuts, Buffy? There's a hundred of them out there. They'll rip us apart. You're staying here. Some of them might not come after me. If they don't this place is gonna turn into a total stain. -You're staying here. Some of them might not come after me. If they don't this place is gonna turn into a total stain. You say that like it's a bad thing. -Good thing one of us was prepared. Buffy, there's no way you're going out there alone. -Are you okay? Get away from me! -I didn't say it was a bad idea, I just said the timing was off. We could maybe wait till later. Don't be such a fraidy-cat. -Don't be such a fraidy-cat. Who's afraid? Besides me, I mean. -Who's afraid? Besides me, I mean. We've come all this way. We just have to check it out. I got a hunch. -We've come all this way. We just have to check it out. I got a hunch. You're the boss, boss. I just thought maybe we should wait. -It has to be, like a socially conscious theme. 'One that reflects the students' growing awareness of and involvement in the world around them.' -It is a pretty crucial subject. See, Cassandra likes it. Cassandra's my friend. -Bugs. Okay, guys, how about the ozone layer? -Can't. History report. The Normans and the Saxons. Bogutude. Blow it off. -Bogutude. Blow it off. I really can't. Besides, it's pretty interesting. -I really can't. Besides, it's pretty interesting. You're weird and I'm afraid of you. Seriously, Cassandra, there's a lot cooler things you could be doing than your homework. -You're weird and I'm afraid of you. Seriously, Cassandra, there's a lot cooler things you could be doing than your homework. Like what? -Like what? Like my homework. -Guys, what's the sitch? I'm bored. ) What do you think? -) What do you think? Please. It's so '91. -What are we doing? Why don't we see a movie? -Why don't we see a movie? Well, where? -Beverly Center. Please. They show previews for foreign movies. -Totally stale. And the ushers are like, the acne patrol. We're thinking Pavilion. Sitch? Sounds toasty. We're going Pavilion. -Excuse much! Not rude or anything. Nice ensemble! -What did Jeffrey's dad say? 'Just remember you're in training, son' -Let's meet tonight, okay? Where? -Where? Cafe Blase. -I don't see why we have to invite everyone. Kimberly, it's the senior dance. -I didn't learn... I just... it's not a big deal. Buffy, I'm gonna tell Jeffrey you were playing with another man's Hebrew National. -Buffy, I'm gonna tell Jeffrey you were playing with another man's Hebrew National. Get a boob job. -You were supposed to be here at three. I forgot. -I forgot. Buffy, what is your sitch? You're acting like The Thing From Another Tax-Bracket; it's too weird. -Buffy, what is your sitch? You're acting like The Thing From Another Tax-Bracket; it's too weird. Look, a lot's been going on. That's what I wanted to tell you guys about. I need to tell you. You see... a while ago, I met this guy -- -Look, a lot's been going on. That's what I wanted to tell you guys about. I need to tell you. You see... a while ago, I met this guy -- Oh my God you're having an affair. -Excuse me for having something important to do. This isn't important? The earth is our home. -This isn't important? The earth is our home. Kimberly, it's a dance. It's a stupid dance with a bunch of stupid kids that I see every stupid day. -Listen to you. What language are you speaking? Get out of my facial. -I'm glad you guys are here. It's good to see you. Yeah, whoops I came. -Yeah, whoops I came. You look way pretty, Kim. -You look way pretty, Kim. I know. I like your little outfit. -God, where the hell did you come from? You scared me to death. I'm sorry. That was impressive. The... tumbling. -What? Oh. I used to do gymnastics. Are you looking for someone? I'm looking for you, actually. -I'm looking for you, actually. Am I in trouble or something? -Am I in trouble or something? Not at all. My name is Merrick. I was sent to find you some time ago. I should have found you much sooner but there were... complications. You should have been taught, prepared. -Not at all. My name is Merrick. I was sent to find you some time ago. I should have found you much sooner but there were... complications. You should have been taught, prepared. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I've searched the entire world for you, Buffy. -I've searched the entire world for you, Buffy. Why? -Why? To bring you... your birthright. -To bring you... your birthright. My birthright? You mean, like a trust fund? -I had a trust fund my great- grandfather, or maybe it was an inheritance, 'cause he's dead, and I spent it on shoes. You must come with me. It's much too late already. You must come with me to the graveyard. -You must come with me. It's much too late already. You must come with me to the graveyard. Wait a minute. My birthright is in the graveyard? Later not. -Wait a minute. My birthright is in the graveyard? Later not. Wait! -Wait! You're one of those skanky old men that, like, attack girls and stuff. Forget you. My, um, my boyfriend is gonna be here in about thirty seconds, and he's way testy. -You're one of those skanky old men that, like, attack girls and stuff. Forget you. My, um, my boyfriend is gonna be here in about thirty seconds, and he's way testy. You don't understand. You have been chosen. -You don't understand. You have been chosen. Chosen to go to the graveyard? Why don't you just take the first runner up, okay? -Chosen to go to the graveyard? Why don't you just take the first runner up, okay? You must believe me. You must come with me while there's still time. -You must believe me. You must come with me while there's still time. Time to do what? -Time to do what? To stop the killing. To stop the vampires. -To stop the killing. To stop the vampires. Let me get this straight. You're like, this greasy bum, and I have to go to the graveyard with you 'cause I'm chosen, and there's vampires. -Let me get this straight. You're like, this greasy bum, and I have to go to the graveyard with you 'cause I'm chosen, and there's vampires. Yes. -Yes. Does Elvis talk to you? Tell you to do things? Do you see spots? -Does Elvis talk to you? Tell you to do things? Do you see spots? I don't have time for your prattling. I have proof. You bear the mark. -Just stay away from me, okay? Did you ever dream that you were someone else? -Everybody does. In the past. A girl. Maybe... A Magyar peasant. An Indian princess. A slave. -I was a slave. In Virginia. -In Virginia. I don't know. It was... There was a big gram or something. And there's one, I'm like a prostitute... -I don't know. It was... There was a big gram or something. And there's one, I'm like a prostitute... China. -China. Oh, my God. I never told anybody about this. I remember the one about the peasant, too. God, there's a bunch. Is this, like channeling or something. -I had a dream once where I was... There was like, knights in it, and I worked in this bar. And I... was fighting. I'm always fighting. And there's a guy... He's not always there, but he's horrible, all white, and he's always... trying to kill me. Lothos. -How do you know all this? I have to show you. -I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm in a graveyard with a strange man hunting for vampires on a school night. Why didn't you ever tell anybody about your dreams? -Why didn't you ever tell anybody about your dreams? Oh, yeah, tell everyone I'm crazy. Beauty ida. -Ow. Cramps? -Cramps? None of your business. God. -None of your business. God. This is it. -Wait a minute. Just for protection. You won't have to do anything. I just need you to watch. -Just for protection. You won't have to do anything. I just need you to watch. All right. What do we do now? -All right. What do we do now? We wait for Robert to wake up. -Where's the other one? She -- -Go to school tomorrow. Try to act normal. Don't let anyone know what's happening. This is important. When the vampires find out who you are... you won't be hunting them anymore. All right. -Meet me at this address after school. I have cheerleading squad. -I have cheerleading squad. Skip it. -They can't come in, right? Unless you invite them. Is that true? It's true. -It's not pretty, but it does suit our purposes. Our purposes. -What, um... What do we do? There's a great deal I have to show you, I'm not even sure where to start There's so little time. -There's a great deal I have to show you, I'm not even sure where to start There's so little time. Why do you keep saying that? -Why do you keep saying that? Do you know what a Vampire-King is? -Do you know what a Vampire-King is? A Vampire-King? You mean like Dracula? -A Vampire-King? You mean like Dracula? Oh, yes. And the man from your dreams. Lothos. -Oh, yes. And the man from your dreams. Lothos. Oh, him. -Oh, him. Yes. They travel about, usually with one or two of their followers to lay the groundwork. The vampires find a community and they feed on it, make it their own. You were difficult to trace, and I think the process has gone a lot further than I'd anticipated. Usually this goads a community into some kind of paranoid frenzy. But for some reason, nobody here seems to be paying any attention. -Yes. They travel about, usually with one or two of their followers to lay the groundwork. The vampires find a community and they feed on it, make it their own. You were difficult to trace, and I think the process has gone a lot further than I'd anticipated. Usually this goads a community into some kind of paranoid frenzy. But for some reason, nobody here seems to be paying any attention. What? -What? We'll cover it later. -We'll cover it later. I still don't get how they happened to come to my town. I mean, was I born here because... because they were coming here? That Lothos guy, and his buddies? -I still don't get how they happened to come to my town. I mean, was I born here because... because they were coming here? That Lothos guy, and his buddies? In a way, yes. Your fate is inexorably connected to them. -In a way, yes. Your fate is inexorably connected to them. Great. First I have a birthright, now I've got a fate. Hey, do I have to take notes on this? -Great. First I have a birthright, now I've got a fate. Hey, do I have to take notes on this? We're going to have the work hard. You'll need some excuse for staying out. For your parents. -Not a pressing issue. I tell you, the best thing I can do right now is find out more about you. What your strengths are, your likes... Everything. What's your best subject? -I tell you, the best thing I can do right now is find out more about you. What your strengths are, your likes... Everything. What's your best subject? Uh... gym. -Uh... gym. Yes, you used to do gymnastics. But you stopped. Why? -Yes, you used to do gymnastics. But you stopped. Why? Well, everybody says... it's just kind of dorky. I mean, have you ever seen a gymnast's legs? They're like -- -- the mighty oak. It's not a look. -Well, everybody says... it's just kind of dorky. I mean, have you ever seen a gymnast's legs? They're like -- -- the mighty oak. It's not a look. But you enjoyed it, yes? -But you enjoyed it, yes? Well... I do cheerleading now. It's way cooler. -Well... I do cheerleading now. It's way cooler. Cheerleading. For... sporting events, yes? -Cheerleading. For... sporting events, yes? Sporting events, yeah. -Sporting events, yeah. All right. Why don't you show me a cheer? -All right. Why don't you show me a cheer? Here? -Here? Yes, yes. It would be interesting. A nice cheer. -Yes, yes. It would be interesting. A nice cheer. Okay. -Who we gonna beat? Who we gonna beat? -Who we gonna beat? No -- you don't have to -- -No -- you don't have to -- Oh. I thought... you lead me -- -Oh. I thought... you lead me -- No. You don't do anything. I do it. -No. You don't do anything. I do it. Oh. Good. -Oh, what the hell is wrong with you? You threw a knife at my head! I had to test you. -I had to test you. But you threw a knife at my head! -But you threw a knife at my head! And you caught it! Only the chosen one could have done that. -And you caught it! Only the chosen one could have done that. I don't want to be the chosen one, okay? I don't want to spend the rest of my life chasing after vampires! I just want to graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Charlie Sheen and die. It may not sound too exciting to a sconehead like you, but I think it's swell. And then you come along... and... and then I'm a member of the hairy mole club, so you throw things at me! -It was necessary. Last night. You knew I was sitting on a fresh grave, didn't you? -Last night. You knew I was sitting on a fresh grave, didn't you? I don't think you understand the full implications of -- -Oh. Sorry. Don't you see what's happening? You're changing. You've got powers you've only just begun to tap. Physical, mental prowess you've never dreamed of. God, this hurts. I've administered a few shocks to your system to start the adrenaline working. I'm sorry I have to take so many shortcuts in the training process. -Don't you see what's happening? You're changing. You've got powers you've only just begun to tap. Physical, mental prowess you've never dreamed of. God, this hurts. I've administered a few shocks to your system to start the adrenaline working. I'm sorry I have to take so many shortcuts in the training process. Put your head back. -Put your head back. Two days ago, would you have even hit me? Let alone so powerfully? -Two days ago, would you have even hit me? Let alone so powerfully? No... I guess I would have gotten Jeffrey to hit you. -No... I guess I would have gotten Jeffrey to hit you. Exactly. You're changing. You're becoming something extraordinarily powerful. -Ooh, another embarrassment for the teabag, while the chosen one is still well under par. Your turn. -What about bats? Do they turn into bats? No. No bats, no flying. They... float, occasionally. Not really flying. -No. No bats, no flying. They... float, occasionally. Not really flying. Toasty. Were there ever any, like, famous vampires? -Toasty. Were there ever any, like, famous vampires? Oh, several. Lucretia Borgia, Joseph Mengele, Franklin Pangborn... are any of those names familiar? -Oh, several. Lucretia Borgia, Joseph Mengele, Franklin Pangborn... are any of those names familiar? If I say 'no' does that make me a bad person? -If I say 'no' does that make me a bad person? Good Lord. What do you study in history? -Good Lord. What do you study in history? My nails. -All right. You've heard of the emperor Caligula, perhaps? Or Jack the Ripper? They were vampires? -They were vampires? Same one. -Same one. Oh. -What!?! Try to pay attention. -He was slow. Very simple. They won't all be that easy. Fine. -Fine. And the alley was a mistake. Never corner yourself like that. If they'd come at you in force you'd be dead now. One vampire is a lot easier to kill then ten. -And the alley was a mistake. Never corner yourself like that. If they'd come at you in force you'd be dead now. One vampire is a lot easier to kill then ten. Does the world 'Duhh' mean anything to you? -Does the world 'Duhh' mean anything to you? You felt a little sick, didn't you? The cramps. -Nice conversationalist! Yeah, I felt 'em a little, but I ain't due for two weeks since you're so excited about the subject. It's natural. A reaction to their presence, to the... unnaturalness of it. It's part of how you are able to track them. -It's natural. A reaction to their presence, to the... unnaturalness of it. It's part of how you are able to track them. Oh, wonderful. My secret weapon is - PMS. That's just great. Thanks for telling me. -Oh, wonderful. My secret weapon is - PMS. That's just great. Thanks for telling me. You'll get used to it. I'm more worried about your tactical mistakes. -You'll get used to it. I'm more worried about your tactical mistakes. You are such a wet. -You are such a wet. A what? -A what? A wet! Didn't I just kill that vampire? I think I did. I didn't see you killing any vampires. You were too busy playing 'Beat the Clock'. -A wet! Didn't I just kill that vampire? I think I did. I didn't see you killing any vampires. You were too busy playing 'Beat the Clock'. Don't start with me again. -Don't start with me again. Aren't I, like the chosen one? The one and only? The Grand High Poobah and doesn't that mean you have to be nice to me? Like, ever? -Aren't I, like the chosen one? The one and only? The Grand High Poobah and doesn't that mean you have to be nice to me? Like, ever? Buffy... -Buffy... And why are you always wearing black? It's so down. It's totally not your color. I don't think you have a color. -And why are you always wearing black? It's so down. It's totally not your color. I don't think you have a color. What do you want? Encouragement? 'Gosh, Buffy, you're so special, I just want to give you a great big hug, oh I'm just having a warm fuzzy.' -What do you want? Encouragement? 'Gosh, Buffy, you're so special, I just want to give you a great big hug, oh I'm just having a warm fuzzy.' Oh, fuck you! -Do you know how many girls I've trained to be Slayers? Five. Five properly prepared girls, girls who faced their responsibilities, who worked hard to become women overnight -- harder than you've ever worked in your life -- and I saw them ripped apart. Do you want to live? Do you? I... -I... What did you think, that being able to jump about and hit people makes you a Slayer? -Five? Five. -Five. So, basically, I've got the life expectancy of a zit, right? -So, basically, I've got the life expectancy of a zit, right? Not if you're careful. -Not if you're careful. How can you keep doing this? -How can you keep doing this? It's what I was raised to do. There aren't many of us left, the Watchers. -It's what I was raised to do. There aren't many of us left, the Watchers. Watchers? -Watchers? There's a small village in Hampshire, near Stonehenge... ... near a bunch of big rocks. That's where I was born. My father taught me about the training, about finding the Slayers, reading the signs. There's a small cluster of us, a few families, really... most of the neighboring villagers think we're just a bunch of harmless old loonies. I thought so myself for a time, when I was younger... I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to... I shouldn't go on like this. -There's a small village in Hampshire, near Stonehenge... ... near a bunch of big rocks. That's where I was born. My father taught me about the training, about finding the Slayers, reading the signs. There's a small cluster of us, a few families, really... most of the neighboring villagers think we're just a bunch of harmless old loonies. I thought so myself for a time, when I was younger... I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to... I shouldn't go on like this. I wish you would. -I wish you would. It isn't important. -It isn't important. I'm curious, is all. -I'm curious, is all. Buffy, don't... don't start thinking of me as your friend. It interferes with the work, and it... -Buffy, don't... don't start thinking of me as your friend. It interferes with the work, and it... And it makes it worse when I die, right? -Well, you know, I'm not gonna kick so easy. I've got a few things the other girls didn't have. As for example, what? -As for example, what? Well... there's my keen fashion sense, for one. -Well... there's my keen fashion sense, for one. Vampires of the world, beware. -Vampires of the world, beware. Merrick. You made a joke. Are you okay, I mean, do you want to lie down? I know it hurts the first time. -I mean, most of the time Jeffrey's really sweet, but sometimes he gets kind of... 'Me-Tarzan'ish, you know what I mean? Lately it bugs me, I guess. Merrick? Are you still breathing? I can't work this. -I can't work this. We call them zippers. They're not supposed to be a challenge. -We call them zippers. They're not supposed to be a challenge. But it's in the back. Why are we wasting time with this, anyway? -But it's in the back. Why are we wasting time with this, anyway? Because you clash, Merrick. You clash with everything. I mean you might as well go around with a sign, 'Slayers trained her.' Honestly, you look like something out of... Pasadena. -Because you clash, Merrick. You clash with everything. I mean you might as well go around with a sign, 'Slayers trained her.' Honestly, you look like something out of... Pasadena. My clothes have always been perfectly serviceable. -My clothes have always been perfectly serviceable. Well, you're on my turf now. You're just gonna have to trust me. -I want to die. Okay. The important thing is not to panic. -Interesting. I kind of had to improvise. Sorry about your guitar. -There isn't time. Make time, okay? You're the one who told me to act normal. I've missed three practices already. If I'm not there for the Barber game tomorrow everyone's gonna talk. -Make time, okay? You're the one who told me to act normal. I've missed three practices already. If I'm not there for the Barber game tomorrow everyone's gonna talk. Another distraction. It's not right. -Another distraction. It's not right. Why because it's not my fate? It's not in the Book-of-All- Knowledgefullness that I'm gonna be cheerleading at the Barber game? -Why because it's not my fate? It's not in the Book-of-All- Knowledgefullness that I'm gonna be cheerleading at the Barber game? Sooner or later you're going to have to accept it. Your fate. -Sooner or later you're going to have to accept it. Your fate. I'm pretty much learning not to accept anything anymore. Come on, Merrick. Football. Afterwards we can kill and kill until there is nothing left. -I'm pretty much learning not to accept anything anymore. Come on, Merrick. Football. Afterwards we can kill and kill until there is nothing left. All right. -All right. Toasty. You should come; it's gonna be a great game. -Toasty. You should come; it's gonna be a great game. Oh, I'll be there all right. I'm not letting you out of my sight. Not till you're ready. -Oh, I'll be there all right. I'm not letting you out of my sight. Not till you're ready. Try and be inconspicuous, okay? Act like a fan. -Try and be inconspicuous, okay? Act like a fan. Football is my life. -Football is my life. You're learning. Slowly, incredibly slowly, but you're learning. -None of the other girls ever gave me this much trouble. And where are they now? -Wait! He knows who I am! -Mr. Howard is so heinous. He's always giving me a hard time. I get a C-plus on the test and he tells me, 'You have no sense of history.' I have no sense of history? He wears a brown tie. You got a C-plus? I can't believe I cheated off you. -You got a C-plus? I can't believe I cheated off you. Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador. Like I'm ever going to Spain anyway. Ooh! -No THX. They don't even have Dolby. -So, is Jeffrey really spending the night at your house? That's the plan. -That's the plan. Good enough! -Cool. We can figure decorations and stuff. Cassandra, you gotta come, too. -Come one, that was so weird. What, it's not weird. I just cut the stupid hot dog in half. --- like she's gonna kill me. I was just scared is all. -I was just scared is all. No. It was mondo bizarro. -That is so cool. Thank you very much. -Thank you very much. Nobody is even gonna look at the game. -I don't get it. How do you not tread on the earth? I mean, you kind of have to. -You guys blow. I'm waiting on Cassandra. She's gonna help me with my history. Cassandra's really smart. -Cassandra's really smart. Yeah... She's okay, though. -Yeah... She's okay, though. I guess. -Don't worry, Jennifer. Someday your prince will come. Yeah, just make sure you do first. Let's go, guys. -Yeah, just make sure you do first. Let's go, guys. B'bye. -Hey, Buffers. You look thrashed. Thanks. -Thanks. You and Cassandra get anything done last night? -Buffy, Jesus! You know these steps. Sorry. -Pike. You're having a fling with him? -Well, I guess you got what you came for. Nicole... -Nicole... Later for it. -Hi, guys. Hi. -Hi. Have you guys seen Jeffrey? The limo never showed, I thought he might be here. -I haven't seen him tonight. Oh. -I find it restorative, sleeping in the life-blood of so many. To feel their souls coursing about me. What's happening? What do you want? -What's happening? What do you want? So very much. -So very much. My parents have money... -My parents have money... Yes, I'm sure they do. This place is everything you said it was, Amilyn. -What... are you? Are we so strange? So alien to you? I've seen this culture, the wealth, the greed, the waste... it's truly heartwarming. The perfect place to spread my empire. Honestly, Eastern Europe was so dead, the Communists just drained the blood out of the place. It's livened up a bit in the past few years, but it's nothing compared to this.... this Mecca of consumption. The city of Angels. -No, wait. I can be dumb. Really. Or mean, or whatever. I can learn. I'm useful. Really? -Really? Swear to God. -I can't! You know you must. There is only one. Now you are that one. It is time. -You know you must. There is only one. Now you are that one. It is time. Why? Why me? -Why? Why me? She has died. You are the next to be called. Why do you think you were sent to me? Trained as you were? You bear the mark. -The mark of the Coven. I don't understand. -I don't understand. Ever since Adam and Eve first left the garden, he followed: the serpent. Satan. He sends his legion in the shape of men, to feed on us, to breed his Hell on our earth. They are a plague upon us. -But as long as there have been vampire, there has been the Coven; the line of Slayers. Ones with the strength and the skill to kill them, to find them where they gather and stop the swell of their numbers. One dies, the next is called. I'm just a girl. -I'm just a girl. You are much more. -Bessel! What are you doing here? Hi, Grueller. -Hi, Grueller. What are you grinning at? You think I was scared? -What are you grinning at? You think I was scared? Could be. -Could be. You think so? -You think so? Could be. -Listen, you little worm. I could beat your head to a pulp for you, just like I did last year, you got that? You got that? Got that. -Got that. Good. -Write that down. Okay, what else? -Oh, yes! Yes! Oh, baby! -Oh, baby! Make me a woman! Yes! Make me a woman! -Buffy? Jeffrey! -Well, I'm done. Are you done? No -- -No -- Okay, let's go. -Okay, let's go. But -- -She didn't even hardly talk to anyone in school. All year. She didn't even go to the prom. I heard she got straight A's. -I can't believe they still ate it. Where'd you learn how to do that? -So they found Cassandra's body out by the railway tunnels. Nobody's saying anything, but they think she was involved in something, like, illegal or something. Like dealing. Well, I hope so. -Well, I hope so. Probably was. What do you suppose she was doing out there. -I got all the plastic stuff. What should I do with it? Throw it out. -And Spring Fling. Okay. -She was even crazier after that. I mean it, you wouldn't even have recognized her. Buffy? -Omniplex? Nee sitch. No way. -What happened? Buffy was on the uneven parallels -- she was really good; coach said she could have been in the Olympics -- but she was doing a routine, spinning, and the beam broke. -Buffy was on the uneven parallels -- she was really good; coach said she could have been in the Olympics -- but she was doing a routine, spinning, and the beam broke. You're kidding. -You're kidding. Snapped. Buffy was, you know, on the upswing, and I swear to God she went across the room. Perm over heels. -Snapped. Buffy was, you know, on the upswing, and I swear to God she went across the room. Perm over heels. Oh, my God! Ouch! No wonder you quit. -Oh, my God! Ouch! No wonder you quit. Well, that's the thing. She landed on her feet. Didn't even sprain a toe. And I go up to her and she turns and looks at me and she's like this -- -I never thought of that. I gotta bail. You coming? -Buffy! What is she... -Cool! Does Jeffrey know? -The don't. You kind of wish they would, though. Wit-tay. -Wit-tay. I'm sorry. I'm Pike. This is Benny. -I'm sorry. I'm Pike. This is Benny. Pike isn't a name. It's a fish. -Pike isn't a name. It's a fish. Hey, wait a minute... -They'll kill us! You want some punch? -Oh, God. He is so bald. -God! Take a chill lozenge. Like we don't have rights too? -The homelesses? Oh, please. -Environment. That's cool with me. Okay. -Oh, yeah! Right! -If we don't invite all the seniors we can't use the school funds, you know that. Can't they make exceptions? Maryanne Heinel? She's such a scud. Can't we have a Maryanne clause? -Can't they make exceptions? Maryanne Heinel? She's such a scud. Can't we have a Maryanne clause? Well, look who's here. -Smell of booze much. Nice much. -Buffy, the ape-woman. Seriously, Buffy. That look was way twisted. What were you thinking about? -I really was way way too too. Oh, please! When she ran onto the field in the middle of the game? Was that the most out-of-it thing ever, or did I blink? -Oh, please! When she ran onto the field in the middle of the game? Was that the most out-of-it thing ever, or did I blink? I'm, like, yelling at her, 'What are you doing?' And she's going 'Jeffrey, Jeffrey!' Way mental. -What are you talking about? Weird? You mean like you hanging out with that homeless, Poke? I saw you last night after the game. -Oh, thank you very much. Like you've got a grip. -Like you've got a grip. You're so out of it. You've blown off cheerleading, you've blown off dance committee -- -So, we're stupid now? You know, just because you're having full-on wiggans doesn't mean you have to drag us into it. This isn't just any dance. It happens ot be the last dance of our last year. -You know, just because you're having full-on wiggans doesn't mean you have to drag us into it. This isn't just any dance. It happens ot be the last dance of our last year. Except for Prom. -Except for Prom. Right. -And the January Semi-formal -- Okay! Look, Buffy. You want to play house with the unwashed masses, that's fine. But personally, I think you ought to spend a little time prioritizing. I really do. -It's amazing what you can do with a parachute and some starch. As long as there's room for three in it. What, didn't you bring your new friends? -What nasty bug crawled up your bungus and where the hell are you going? I'm leaving, man. I'm bailing town. This place has gotten way too hairy. -I'm leaving, man. I'm bailing town. This place has gotten way too hairy. Where am I gonna find another mechanic stupid enough to work for my money? -Where am I gonna find another mechanic stupid enough to work for my money? Hey, have you seen Benny lately? -Hey, have you seen Benny lately? No... You want me to give him a message? -No... You want me to give him a message? You should think about leaving, too, man. Sell this place... Something's going on here. I don't know. Something real weird. -Ah, you'll be coming back. I don't think so. -I don't think so. All right. Take care of yourself. -All right. Take care of yourself. I am. -I am. Hey. What should I do if I see Benny? -Hey. What should I do if I see Benny? Run. -"You mean Nuke. You said ""Crash""." "I didn't say ""Crash"". I said Nuke." -"I didn't say ""Crash"". I said Nuke." "You said ""Crash""." -"You said ""Crash""." Honey, don't ever listen to a woman when she's making love. They'll say the strangest things. -Honey, don't ever listen to a woman when she's making love. They'll say the strangest things. "You said ""Crash""." -"You said ""Crash""." Would you rather me be making love to him, using your name, or making love to you, using his name? -Yeah maybe you're right. You see how nice things are when we go slow? -Mmm, hmmm. You shoulda seen how many people came to the airport to see me off. When I got drafted first it was the happiest day of my Father's life. He likes baseball more than I do... You can learn to like it. -You can learn to like it. I wanted to be the host of Dance Fever, somethin' like that... -I wanted to be the host of Dance Fever, somethin' like that... Y'know if you make it to the Bigs you could still become the host of Dance Fever. Baseball's a good stepping stone for things like that. -Y'know if you make it to the Bigs you could still become the host of Dance Fever. Baseball's a good stepping stone for things like that. God, I never thought of that. -God, I never thought of that. There is a lot of things you never thought of, sweetie--now get some rest for tonight's game. -I want you to wear these on the road trip when you pitch. What? -What? They'll fit snugly against your balls in such a wonderful way that you'll start seeing things differently--plus they'll remind you of me which is better than thinking about those nasty hitters. -They'll fit snugly against your balls in such a wonderful way that you'll start seeing things differently--plus they'll remind you of me which is better than thinking about those nasty hitters. Jesus, Annie, I don't know-- -Jesus, Annie, I don't know-- You've been pitching out of the wrong side of your brain. These'll help move things to the right side. -You've been pitching out of the wrong side of your brain. These'll help move things to the right side. Big League pitchers don't use these. -Big League pitchers don't use these. They did when they were in the Carolina League. -God I'm tired. What a trip I was lousy. I was worse than lousy. Everytime I pitched--it was like throwing gasoline on a fire. Kaboom. I-- "What is this ""I, I, I"" stuff? You only talk about yourself? Aren't you glad to see me? Don't I look nice?" -"What is this ""I, I, I"" stuff? You only talk about yourself? Aren't you glad to see me? Don't I look nice?" Sorry. You look great. I'm totally exhausted. -Sorry. You look great. I'm totally exhausted. Good. Total exhaustion can be spiritually fabulous. Let's play catch. -Good. Total exhaustion can be spiritually fabulous. Let's play catch. Catch? -This in ridiculous. I'm a pro. Just do what I say. Now, which nostril are you breathing through? -Just do what I say. Now, which nostril are you breathing through? Which nostril am I breathing through? -The right nostril. Good. My right nostril? -My right nostril? "There are two important psychic conduits called the ""pingala"" and the ""ida"". The pingala starts with the left testicle and ends at the right nostril." -The ida originates at the right testicle and terminates at the left nostril. "I'm really beat. I need some serious ""z's""--" -"I'm really beat. I need some serious ""z's""--" The pingala is the nostril used for throwing a baseball. And if you discover before a game you're in the wrong nostril, it's easy to switch. -The pingala is the nostril used for throwing a baseball. And if you discover before a game you're in the wrong nostril, it's easy to switch. Switch nostrils? -Switch nostrils? Right. Okay, fire a couple in there. -You're patronizing me! I will not be patronized-- If I throw too hard I'll hurt the kid. -If I throw too hard I'll hurt the kid. He's handled a lotta pitchers whose records were better than one and six. -How was that? A little better. -A little better. Gimme the God damn ball! -How ya like that? Much better. Your delivery was fully integrated because you weren't thinking about it 'cause you were pissed off at me. This is progress. -I can't keep up with you. First you say sex is gonna make me a better pitcher--now no sex is gonna do it?! It's all the same thing. -God...I think I'm gonna be sick-- Oh don't be silly. Death is nothing to be scared of. It's just another way of living. It's just a fresh start--kinda like spring training. -Death is like spring training? Yes. And so is birth. Now look me in the eyes, Nuke-- You haven't been wearing my panties, have you? -I'm yours. Y'know, Annie, I been thinking if it works for one game, maybe it'll work for a whole buncha games. -Y'know, Annie, I been thinking if it works for one game, maybe it'll work for a whole buncha games. Breathing through your pingala always works, honey-- -Breathing through your pingala always works, honey-- Not that. I mean the re-channeling of my sexual energy. Maybe we shouldn't make love for awhile. -Not that. I mean the re-channeling of my sexual energy. Maybe we shouldn't make love for awhile. Now don't go overboard, I look incredibly hot, right? -You know what it feels like to throw a three hitter? We better not fuck. Nuke?! -Nuke?! Just till I lose. -Just till I lose. Get over here. -Get over here. No. -No. "Ebby Calvin ""Nuke"" LaLoosh--" -I'm so proud of you and all the guys. Want some more soup? No, no, it was great. -No, no, it was great. How 'bout a back rub? -How 'bout a back rub? No, that's okay. All I need's a little nap. -No, that's okay. All I need's a little nap. I'll tuck you in. -I'll tuck you in. You can't seduce me. -You can't seduce me. I'm not gonna try to seduce you, sweetie... -That's my leg. I know what it is. -I know what it is. I figure we could work on some fundamentals even if we don't make love. -Fundamentals? Sure. Unsnap my stockings. -"Crash once called a woman's, uh-- pussy--y'know how the hair kinda makes a ""V"" shape?--" Yes I do... -Yes I do... Well--he calls it the Bermuda Triangle. He said a man can get lost in there and never be heard from again. -Well--he calls it the Bermuda Triangle. He said a man can get lost in there and never be heard from again. What a nasty thing to say. -What a nasty thing to say. He didn't mean it nasty. He said that gettin' lost and disappearing from the face of the earth was sometimes a good thing to do-- especially like that. -He didn't mean it nasty. He said that gettin' lost and disappearing from the face of the earth was sometimes a good thing to do-- especially like that. Oh... Crash is a very smart man. Now c'mon, honey, give it a try. -No! You're playing with my mind! I'm trying to play with your body! -I'm trying to play with your body! I knew it--you're seducing me! -I knew it--you're seducing me! Of course I'm seducing you for Godsakes, and I'm doing a damn poor job of it-- Aren't I pretty? -Of course I'm seducing you for Godsakes, and I'm doing a damn poor job of it-- Aren't I pretty? I think you're real cute. -I think you're real cute. Cute?! I hate cute! Baby ducks are cute! I wanta be exotic and mysterious! -Cute?! I hate cute! Baby ducks are cute! I wanta be exotic and mysterious! You're exotic and mysterious and cute--that's why I better leave. -Nuke! You got things all wrong! There's no relation between sex and baseball. Ask Crash. I did. -I did. What'd he say? -What'd he say? He said if I gave in to you I'd start losing again. -He said if I gave in to you I'd start losing again. He did? -He did? I'll be back when we lose. -We lost. it's okay.. -I'd like you to meet my father. Oh--won't YOU come in? -I couldn't dump my old man but maybe later I can sneak away from him... You don't have to... -You don't have to... I'm starting to understand what you're teaching me. I mean the panties and the nostrils and all that shit...I mean I'm getting it-- -I'm starting to understand what you're teaching me. I mean the panties and the nostrils and all that shit...I mean I'm getting it-- So am I. Nuke, honey, we need to talk-- -Aw hell, let's have a quickie right here-- --but you're father's in there! ---but you're father's in there! Crash says I gotta quit worrying about him--c'mon, honey, we got a lotta catching up to do-- -It's Skip, for you. Yeah, Skip, it's me. Jeez...Jeez...God...Jeez... -I gotta leave first thing in the morning. That's great! -That's great! How can I possibly thank you? -Well I guess this is it. I won't be needing these anymore. -Neither will I. I think I'm ready for the Show. -I think I'm ready for the Show. Ebby Calvin Nuke LaLoosh--don't think too much. -Ebby Calvin Nuke LaLoosh--don't think too much. Don't worry. ---Millie, you've got to stay out of the clubhouse. It'll just get everybody in trouble. I got lured. -I got lured. "You didn't get ""lured"". Women never get lured. They're too strong and powerful for that. Now say it--""I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions""." -"You didn't get ""lured"". Women never get lured. They're too strong and powerful for that. Now say it--""I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions""." """I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions""." -"""I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions""." That's better. Got the radar ready? -Well let's get down to it, honey-- how was he? Well, he fucks like he pitches. Sorta all over the place -Omigawd, honey, I'm so happy for you. He's a virgin. -You should be at the game. No, no--I'm fine. Millie, how much time did you and Jimmy spend together before he proposed? -Five hours. We both just know. Do you think I deserve to wear white? We all deserve to wear white. -I'm Crash Davis. Annie Savoy. Wanta dance? -Annie Savoy. Wanta dance? I don't dance. -I don't dance. I don't trust a man who don't dance. It ain't natural. -She's dancing with me. Crash, I didn't think you-- -Crash, I didn't think you-- I'll learn. C'mon-- -These are the ground rules. I hook up with one guy a season-- I mean it takes me a couple of weeks to pick the guy--kinda my own spring training... And, well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far. So... I thought we should get to know each other. Why do you get to choose? Why don't I get to choose? -Why do you get to choose? Why don't I get to choose? Actually none of us on this planet ever really choose each other. It's all Quantum Physics and molecular attraction. There are laws we don't understand that bring us together and break us apart. -After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't tryout. Besides-- I don't believe in, Quantum Physics when it comes to matters of the heart...or loins. What do you believe in? -"I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, long foreplay, show tunes, and that the novels of Thomas Pynchon are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, I believe that there oughtta be a constitutional amendment outlawing astro-turf and the designated hitter, I believe in the ""sweet spot"", voting every election, soft core pornography, chocolate chip cookies, opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last for 7 days." Oh my... Don't leave... -Oh my... Don't leave... G'night. -Wait, Crash--don't go--all I want is a date. I'm not gonna fall in love with you or nothin'. I'm not interested in a woman who's interested in that boy. -I'm not interested in a woman who's interested in that boy. I'm not interested yet. -See my hips? Yep. -Yep. I think Thomas Pynchon's a genius. -I think Thomas Pynchon's a genius. When you're hitting you shouldn't think about anything but hitting. But you shouldn't think about it too much. The trick is to use your brain to not use your brain. -When you're hitting you shouldn't think about anything but hitting. But you shouldn't think about it too much. The trick is to use your brain to not use your brain. But you were pulling your hips last night. -But you were pulling your hips last night. So...Wanta make love? -I'm committed to Nuke for the season. You had your chance the other night. What'you see in that guy--he's dim, pretty boy. a young, wild, -What'you see in that guy--he's dim, pretty boy. a young, wild, "Young men are uncomplicated. And he's not ""dim"". He's just inexperienced. My job is to give him ""life-wisdom"" and help him make it to the major leagues." -"Young men are uncomplicated. And he's not ""dim"". He's just inexperienced. My job is to give him ""life-wisdom"" and help him make it to the major leagues." That's my job too. -Damn. You're pulling your hips out. -You're pulling your hips out. But they're nice hips. I looked up your records-- You've hit 227 home runs in the minors. That's great! -Don't tell anybody. Why not? If you hit twenty homers this year you'll be the all time minor league champ! The record's -Why not? If you hit twenty homers this year you'll be the all time minor league champ! The record's 247 home runs in the minors would be a dubious honor, if ya think about it. -247 home runs in the minors would be a dubious honor, if ya think about it. Oh no, I think it'd be great! The Sporting News should know about it. -Oh no, I think it'd be great! The Sporting News should know about it. No. Please. -Damn. Let me. -Your place or mine? Despite my love of weird metaphysics and my rejection of most Judao-Christian ethics, I am, within the framework of a baseball season, monogamous. -Despite my love of weird metaphysics and my rejection of most Judao-Christian ethics, I am, within the framework of a baseball season, monogamous. Fact is you're afraid of meeting a guy like me 'cause It might be real so you sabotage it with some bullshit about commitment to a young boy you can boss around-- Great deal. You get to write self- indulgent little poems all winter about how hard it is to find a man even though you just sent him packing- So what do you really want? You wanta be a tragic woman figure wallowing in the bullshit of magic? Or do you want a guy? -Well, Annie, your place or mine? You got me all confused. -You got me all confused. A batter has two tenths of a second to decide whether to swing-- -A batter has two tenths of a second to decide whether to swing-- I'm not a real batter. I'm a woman. -Crash...I want you. Nuke won't go to bed with you, eh? -Nuke won't go to bed with you, eh? He' s confused-- -He' s confused-- Aren't we all? -Aren't we all? Don't you think I'm pretty? -You're gorgeous, God damn it! From the moment I first saw you I knew I had to have you. I had to have you! I want to be had. -I want to be had. "I think of you and the ""boy"" all the time." -"I think of you and the ""boy"" all the time." He won't make love to me anymore. -He won't make love to me anymore. And he's right! A ballplayer on a streak has to respect the streak. They don't happen very often. You know how hard this game is? If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid or because you're not getting laid or because you wore red silk panties--then you are! And I still think Thomas Pynchon is full of shit. -And he's right! A ballplayer on a streak has to respect the streak. They don't happen very often. You know how hard this game is? If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid or because you're not getting laid or because you wore red silk panties--then you are! And I still think Thomas Pynchon is full of shit. I want you desperately! -Who are you? Do you have a job? I teach part time at the Junior College. What if I told you I was through with Nuke? He learned his lessons quickly and left me. -I teach part time at the Junior College. What if I told you I was through with Nuke? He learned his lessons quickly and left me. And now you wanta teach me? -And now you wanta teach me? I don't imagine there's much I could teach you. -I don't imagine there's much I could teach you. I doubt that. -I doubt that. Crash, I get wet just thinking about you. -Crash, I get wet just thinking about you. "I thought you wanted an ""uncomplicated"" boy?" -"I thought you wanted an ""uncomplicated"" boy?" I'm ready for a complicated man. -I'm ready for a complicated man. --and as soon as we lose a game, he'll be back in your arms. ---and as soon as we lose a game, he'll be back in your arms. I said when I think about you, I get wet. -I said when I think about you, I get wet. Annie, I think you should leave. -God damn you--what is happening? Is there no man who'll have me? This is the weirdest season I ever saw--the Durham Bulls can't lose and I can't get laid! You okay? -Why baseball? I was raised in a Baptist church got dipped in the water when I was 5-- born again before kindergarten...by the time I was 10 I knew it was bullshit and at 15 I ran away from home... -I crossed the street--it was the New York Yankees spring training field--tok, tok, tok, was the sound of a ball hitting a bat-- and I sat in the warm bleachers to think about my mother... And I saw him. Who? -Who? Thurman Munson. He was covered with dirt and he was fighting with everybody--it was beautiful ... And he called the ump a cocksucker and got thrown out of the game even though it was an exhibition! So I stayed in the bleachers all spring and gradually came to understand what's so great about baseball. -Thurman Munson. He was covered with dirt and he was fighting with everybody--it was beautiful ... And he called the ump a cocksucker and got thrown out of the game even though it was an exhibition! So I stayed in the bleachers all spring and gradually came to understand what's so great about baseball. What's so great about baseball? -What's so great about baseball? If you know where home plate is, then you know where 1st base is, and 2nd, and everything else-- 'cause they're always in the same place in relation to home. Don't you see? If you know where home plate is, then you know where everything else in the universe is! -I don't know if I'd go that far. It's true, It's true! Least it used to be true. It ain't possible that baseball's not enough anymore, is it, Crash? -It's true, It's true! Least it used to be true. It ain't possible that baseball's not enough anymore, is it, Crash? It's possible. -It's possible. No. -No. Are you gonna be waking up next to 20 year old ballplayers when you're 60? -Are you gonna be waking up next to 20 year old ballplayers when you're 60? Well...I used to think that wasn't the worst thing in the world to look forward to. Lately I'm not so sure. -Well...I used to think that wasn't the worst thing in the world to look forward to. Lately I'm not so sure. Why not? -Why not? "Whatta you mean ""why not""? Are you gonna play forever?!" -I got released. I heard already. -... so you see in a former lifetime I'm sure that I was Alexandria, the Czarette of Russia? What do you think? How come in former lifetimes, everybody was someone famous? How come nobody ever says they were Joe Schmo? -How come in former lifetimes, everybody was someone famous? How come nobody ever says they were Joe Schmo? It doesn't work like that. God, you're gorgeous. Want to dance? -What happened? I quit. Hit my dinger and hung 'em up. -I'm quitting too. Boys, not baseball. There might be an opening for a manager at Salem next spring. -There might be an opening for a manager at Salem next spring. Salem, Massachusetts? Where all the witches were? -Salem, Massachusetts? Where all the witches were? Yeah...you a witch? -Yeah...you a witch? Not yet. It takes years of practice... -You think I could make it to the Show as a manager? "You'd be great, just great... 'Cause you understand non-linear thinking even though it seems like baseball is a linear game 'cause of the lines and the box scores an' all--but the fact is that there's a spacious-""non-time kind of time"" to it..." -"You'd be great, just great... 'Cause you understand non-linear thinking even though it seems like baseball is a linear game 'cause of the lines and the box scores an' all--but the fact is that there's a spacious-""non-time kind of time"" to it..." Annie--- -Annie--- What? -What? I got a lotta time to hear your theories and I wanta hear every damn one of 'em...but right now I'm tired and I don't wanta think about baseball and I don't wanta think about Quantum Physics... I don't wanta think about nothing... I just wanta be. -I got a lotta time to hear your theories and I wanta hear every damn one of 'em...but right now I'm tired and I don't wanta think about baseball and I don't wanta think about Quantum Physics... I don't wanta think about nothing... I just wanta be. I can do that, too. -Number twenty-two's thighs are just great. Who's he? Jose Galindo. He hit .314 at Lynchburg last year. -Jose Galindo. He hit .314 at Lynchburg last year. Three-fourteen? Hmmm... Look't those thighs, Jackson -Ninety-five miles an hour. He looks great, just great! -Take this to Ebby in the dugout between innings. What's it say? -What's it say? It says he's not bending his back on his follow-through. -Oh dear....easy honey... Ninety-five miles an hour... -Hum, babe, hum, babe, fire it in here, hum babe-- That's not necessary, Jackson--- Okay, Nuke, now lean in for the sign. -Ninety-three miles an hour. He looks wonderful, Jackson... -Oh no--he's shaking off the sign, Jackson. Big mistake... He'll learn. -Ebby's told me a lot about you. Uh oh... Can I offer you some coffee? -He's a good student. We were worried that Ebby might get involved with the wrong crowd in professional baseball--we're so pleased, he met a Christian woman. -We were worried that Ebby might get involved with the wrong crowd in professional baseball--we're so pleased, he met a Christian woman. Praise the Lord, eh? -Let's have a quick word of prayer, right here, to thank the Lord for all this-- Oh let's not... -God bless you. She will, Mr. LaLoosh, she will ... -Thanks for the note--you're right, I wasn't bending my back. You got a live arm there. -Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. You need a nickname. -You need a nickname. That's what I been telling everybody! Wanta dance? -"Well--you boys stopped fighting yet? Are you pals now? Good. I love a little macho male bonding-- I think it's sweet even if it's probably latent homosexuality being ""re-channeled"" but I believe in ""re-channeling"" so who cares, right? Shall we go to my place?" Which one of us? -Which one of us? Oh both of you, of course... -Is somebody gonna go to bed with somebody or what? You're a regular nuclear meltdown, honey--slow down. -"No ballplayer ever said ""no"" to a date with me." Well shit, then, let's fuck. -No, no, no. Put it back on and take it off slowly. Jesus, what kinda broad are you? -Jesus, what kinda broad are you? When you know how to make love, you'll know how to pitch. Shh. I love this part. -No, no, honey... first the shoes and socks. The socks? It's cold in here. -The socks? It's cold in here. You think Dwight Gooden leaves his socks on? -Sweetie, have you ever heard of Walt Whitman? Who's he play for? -Who's he play for? Well, he sort of pitches for the Cosmic All-Stars. -Well, he sort of pitches for the Cosmic All-Stars. Never heard of 'em. -"Good--then listen. ""I sing the body electric. The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them--""" We gonna fuck or what? -We gonna fuck or what? "Shh, shh... ""They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them, and discorrupt them and charge them""" -What's that? Chicken bone cross take the curse off this bat and bring me hits. -Chicken bone cross take the curse off this bat and bring me hits. You a God damn witch? -You a God damn witch? Yes. A switch hitting witch. Very common in Puerto Rico. -Yes. A switch hitting witch. Very common in Puerto Rico. Will that work for me? -Will that work for me? If you believe in Voodoo. -If you believe in Voodoo. I'm 0 for 16! Gimme some of that shit. -No, that is not belief. That is desperation. C'mon, God damn it, gimme some! -I got him on the knee! You missed him! -You missed him! God damn It, Jack, he still ain't touched the plate. -Don't bump me. It was a cocksucking call! -It was a cocksucking call! Did you call me a cocksucker? -Did you call me a cocksucker? No! I said It was a cock-sucking call and you can't run me for that! -No! I said It was a cock-sucking call and you can't run me for that! You missed the tag! -You missed the tag! You spit on me! -You spit on me! I didn't spit on you! -I didn't spit on you! You're in the wrong business, Jack--you're Sears-Roebuck material! -You're in the wrong business, Jack--you're Sears-Roebuck material! You're close, Crash, you want me to run you? I'll run you! -You're close, Crash, you want me to run you? I'll run you! You want me to call you a cocksucker?! -You want me to call you a cocksucker?! Try it! Go ahead. Call me a cocksucker! -Try it! Go ahead. Call me a cocksucker! Beg me! -Beg me! Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! -Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! Beg me again! -Beg me again! Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! -Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! You're a cocksucker! -You're a cocksucker! You're outta here! -Hey! What're you guys doing here-- stealing my girl? "Now, Nuke, would I do a thing like that? Hey kids, this is the great Ebby Calvin ""Nuke"" LaLoosh." -Drive off your back leg. You pitch with your legs as much as your arms- I thought I was-- -I thought I was-- Don't think. -Fun? What's he know about fun? Why's he calling for a curveball? I wanta bring heat. Shake off the pitch. Throw what you wanta. -Why you shaking me off? I wanta throw the heater to announce my presence with authority. -I wanta throw the heater to announce my presence with authority. """To announce your fucking presence with authority""? This guy's a first ball fastball hitter. He's looking for heat." -"""To announce your fucking presence with authority""? This guy's a first ball fastball hitter. He's looking for heat." But he ain't seen my heat-- -But he ain't seen my heat-- Awright, meat, give him your heat. -Fastball. "Why's he always call me ""Meat""? I'm the guy driving a Porsche." -Guy hit the shit outta that one, eh? Well, I held it like an egg. -Well, I held it like an egg. An' he scrambled the son of a bitch. Having fun yet? -An' he scrambled the son of a bitch. Having fun yet? I'm having a blast. God, that sucker teed off on it just like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball. -I'm having a blast. God, that sucker teed off on it just like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball. He did know. -He did know. How? -How? I told him. -Oh she may get wooly, women do get wooly, because of all the stress... Gimme that. -How come you don't like me? 'Cause you don't respect yourself, which is your problem, but you don't respect the game--and that's my problem. You got a gift. -'Cause you don't respect yourself, which is your problem, but you don't respect the game--and that's my problem. You got a gift. What do I got? -What do I got? A gift. When you were a baby the gods reached down and turned your left arm into a thunderbolt. -You got a Hall of Fame arm but you're pissing it away. I ain't pissing nothing away--I got a Porsche already. A 944 with A.C. and a quadraphonic Blaupunkt. -I ain't pissing nothing away--I got a Porsche already. A 944 with A.C. and a quadraphonic Blaupunkt. You don't need a quadraphonic Blaupunkt--you need a curve ball. In the Show, everybody can hit the fastball. -You don't need a quadraphonic Blaupunkt--you need a curve ball. In the Show, everybody can hit the fastball. You been in the Majors? -You been in the Majors? Yep. -You could be one of those guys-- but you don't give a fuck, Meat. "God damn it I'm sick of you calling me ""Meat""! You wanta step outside!" -This is from Tony for the rainout. C'mon, man, let's go to the party. Naw... -Naw... """Naw""? There's ice skaters coming! You ever made love to an ice skater?" -"""Naw""? There's ice skaters coming! You ever made love to an ice skater?" By the dozen. Holiday on Ice, Ice Capades, Ice Follies-- I'm through with one night stands. -By the dozen. Holiday on Ice, Ice Capades, Ice Follies-- I'm through with one night stands. You're through with one night stands?! What do you want? -You're through with one night stands?! What do you want? I just wanta play everyday despite small nagging injuries--and go home to a woman who appreciates how full of crap I truly am. -You're weird, man--I want a ice skater real bad. Go for it. -Go for it. If I get laid, you won't tell Annie? -If I get laid, you won't tell Annie? I won't have to. -Party without me. God--what a Big League move. -Can I ask you something? What? -What? What would you think of a pitcher who wore women's panties? -What would you think of a pitcher who wore women's panties? If he had a good breaking ball, I'd respect the shit outta him. -I was playing naked. I know, I know--I have that dream all the time. We're almost home. -Annie says her panties will keep one side of my brain occupied while I'm on the mound, thus keeping my brain slightly off center, which is where it should be for artists and pitchers. She also said I should throw whatever pitches you call for. Annie's a smart lady. -I was great, eh? Your fastball was up and your curveball was hanging--in the Show they woulda ripped you. -Your fastball was up and your curveball was hanging--in the Show they woulda ripped you. Can't you let me enjoy the moment? -Can't you let me enjoy the moment? The moment's over. If this guy starts me off with a breaking ball, I'm going downtown-- -Hey, I'm cruisin', man--what're you doing out here?! I want you to throw this one at the bat rack. -I want you to throw this one at the bat rack. Why?! I'm finally throwin' the damn thing where I want to. -Why?! I'm finally throwin' the damn thing where I want to. It'll keep the fear of God in the hitters. Trust me. -It'll keep the fear of God in the hitters. Trust me. You're the boss. -You told him I was throwing a deuce, right? Yep. He really crushed that dinger, didn't he. Musta gone 450 feet...damn... -I love winning, Crash, you hear me? I love It. Teach me everything. It's time you started working on your interviews. -It's time you started working on your interviews. What do I gotta do? -What do I gotta do? Learn your cliches. Study them. Know them. They're your friends. -"Write this down. ""We gotta play 'em one day at a time.""" Boring. -Boring. "Of course. That's the point. ""I'm just happy to be here and hope I can help the ballclub.""" -"Of course. That's the point. ""I'm just happy to be here and hope I can help the ballclub.""" Jesus. -Jesus. "Write, write--""I just wanta give It my best shot and, Good Lord willing, things'll work out.""" -"""...Good Lord willing, things'll work out.""" Yep. So how's Annie? -She's getting steamed 'cause I'm still re-channeling my sexual energy--maybe I should cave in and sleep with her once just to calm her down. What'ya think? You outta your mind? If you give in now you might start losing. Never fuck with a winning streak. -What's wrong? I'm nervous--my old man's here. -Anybody says anything bad about Millie, I'll break his neck. Hey, guys, I got a game to pitch. -Club's expanding its roster to finish the season-- Shut up. I'm playing. Oh you won't regret it, young girls don't forget it, lost in their own wilderness ... But it's all so easy--Just try a little tenderness... -I'm going to the Show. Then go. -I'm trying to thank you. Let go of me! -Settle what? C ' mon! -C ' mon! I don't wanta fight you, I wanta thank you. Let's have a drink and forget this-- -I don't wanta fight you, I wanta thank you. Let's have a drink and forget this-- God damn it, you fucking virgin prick--step outside. -C'mon, we got nothin' to fight about. You fuck! -You fuck! Why am I a fuck? -Why am I a fuck? Why are you a fuck? 'Cause you got talent. I got brains. But you got talent! You're God damn left arm is worth a million dollars a year. All my limbs put together are worth 7 cents a pound--and that's for science and dog meat. -Why are you a fuck? 'Cause you got talent. I got brains. But you got talent! You're God damn left arm is worth a million dollars a year. All my limbs put together are worth 7 cents a pound--and that's for science and dog meat. You're a great catcher. -You're a great catcher. Come over here into the light so I can kick your ass. -Come over here into the light so I can kick your ass. No. -No. Okay, I'll kick your ass there. -I'll take you back to the hotel. You know what the difference Is between hitting .250 and hitting .300? 1 got it figured out. Twenty-five hits a year in 500 at bats is 50 points. Okay? There's 6 months in a season, that's about 25 weeks--you get one extra flare a week--just one--a gork, a ground ball with eyes, a dying quail-- just one more dying quail a week and you're in Yankee Stadium! -Nuke...tell me something. Did you hit me with your right or your left? My right. -Good. Good. That's terrific... What? -What? If ya get in a fight with some asshole, never hit his with your pitching hand. ya might get injured. That's another lesson for ya--now quit fucking around and help me up. -Sorry about last night. Forget it. -Forget it. I have been known, on occasion, to howl at the moon. D'you understand that? -I have been known, on occasion, to howl at the moon. D'you understand that? No. -No. You will. Look, Nuke--these Big League hitters are gonna light you up like a pin ball machine for awhile-- don't worry about it. Be cocky and arrogant even when you're getting beat. That's the secret. You gotta play this game with fear and arrogance. -You will. Look, Nuke--these Big League hitters are gonna light you up like a pin ball machine for awhile-- don't worry about it. Be cocky and arrogant even when you're getting beat. That's the secret. You gotta play this game with fear and arrogance. Fear and ignorance. -Fear and ignorance. No. Fear and arrogance, you, hayseed, not ignorance! -No. Fear and arrogance, you, hayseed, not ignorance! I know. I just like to see you get all worked up. -Well, I got Annie all warmed up for ya... She's just waiting for you to show up, y'know... I don't need a crazy woman in my life. -I don't need a crazy woman in my life. Maybe you do. Y'know I'm starting to like this game--baseball's a helluva good way to make a living. -It's the best, Nuke...the absolute fucking best. Yeah, thanks for everything. -Nuke-- Good luck. You too...Meat. -Crash Davis? The Crash Davis. ) And you, Larry Hockett, should recognize me 'cause five years ago in the Texas League when you were pitching for El Paso and I was hitting cleanup for Shreveport, you hung a curve on an 0-2 pitch of a 3-2 game in bottom of the 8th and I tattooed it over the Goodyear Tire sign, beat you 4-3-- and I got a free wheel alignment from Goodyear. -"I'm too old for this shit. Why the hell am I back in ""A"" ball?" 'Cause of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. The Big Club's got a hundred grand in him- -We want you to room with him on the road and stay on his case all year. He can go all the way. And where can I go? -And where can I go? You can keep going to the ballpark and keep gettin' paid to do it. Beats hell outta working at Sears. -I don't know. I haven't caught anything yet. What're you thinking about out here, Nuke? -Yeah, Skip, you wanted to see me? Crash, shut the door. -Step outside, pal. Love to-- -I don't believe in fighting. Pussy. -Pussy. Take the first shot at me. -Take the first shot at me. I ain't hitting a man first. -I ain't hitting a man first. Hit me in the chest with this... -I'd kill ya. From what I hear you couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a slingshot -From what I hear you couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a slingshot Don't try me. -Don't try me. Throw it. C'mon, right in the chest. -Throw it. C'mon, right in the chest. No way. -No way. C'mon, Meat. You can't hit me 'cause you're starting to think about it already, you're starting to think how embarrassing it'll be to miss, how all these people would laugh. C'mon, Rook--show me that million dollar arm 'cause I'm getting a good idea about the five cent head-- -We fight, she gets the clown-- how's that happen? Shut up--I like this song... April in Paris, this is a feeling, No one can ever reprieve... -Shut up--I like this song... April in Paris, this is a feeling, No one can ever reprieve... She's playing with my mind. -She's playing with my mind. It's a damn easy thing to play with. -"Who you calling a ""boy""?" See ya at the yard, Meat. -I gotta go now, Dad. I was thinking I could fly up and spend a week in the Big Leagues with you--help you get comfortable. -I was thinking I could fly up and spend a week in the Big Leagues with you--help you get comfortable. No. If I screw up, I wanta do it alone. I'll call. -No. If I screw up, I wanta do it alone. I'll call. We'll be praying for you. -We'll be praying for you. Dad--if my curveball is hanging, God ain't gonna help me. -Dad--if my curveball is hanging, God ain't gonna help me. We'll pray anyway. -We'll pray anyway. If it makes you and mom feel better, go for it. I gotta run-- -Hi, Jimmy. Want a ride? Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? -Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? No. -No. Can I give you my testimony? -Can I give you my testimony? You can do anything you want. Hop in. -Well tell 'em, honey. We're getting married. -Where's Ebby? Ain't he warning up? -Ain't he warning up? No. The guy's professional debut and he forgets about it. -No. The guy's professional debut and he forgets about it. Better find our bonus baby, eh? -Little high. C'mon big 'un, you're okay... -He walked eighteen?! It's a league record. -It's a league record. Struck out eighteen... -Struck out eighteen... League record. And he hit the Radio Announcer, a Sportswriter, and the Bull Mascot twice--also league records-- Joe, the guy's got some serious shit. -Ohyeah. I shoulda throwed a slider. Damn, Crash, how're ya? I'm Joe Riggins. Sit down -He's got a million dollar arm and a five cent head. --we had the gun on him tonight-- the last five pitches he threw were faster than the first five. 96 miles an hour, 98, 97, 97. 97. He's got the best young arm I've seen in 30 years. ---we had the gun on him tonight-- the last five pitches he threw were faster than the first five. 96 miles an hour, 98, 97, 97. 97. He's got the best young arm I've seen in 30 years. But he ain't quite sure which plane he's on, y'know what I mean... -But he ain't quite sure which plane he's on, y'know what I mean... You been around, you're smart, you're professional, you know what it takes-- We want you to mature the kid. -Sears sucks, Crash, I tried it once. Sold Lady Kenmores--it's nasty, nasty work. Even if it's the Carolina League-- this is a chance to play everyday. -You guys lollygag the ball around the infield, ya lollygag you're- way to first, ya lollygag in an' outta the dugout. You know what that makes ya Lollygaggers. What's our record, Larry? We're eight and sixteen. -We're eight and sixteen. Eight and sixteen?! How'd we ever win eight? Jose, what's this sign? -Eight and twenty-four. Eight and twenty-four! How'd we ever win 8 games? -Eight and twenty-four! How'd we ever win 8 games? It's a miracle. -It's a miracle. Look, guys--I'm a man, I got needs too. I understand this party-- but... sex is the one thing you can get further behind in and catch up faster than anything I know. There's a baseball lesson in there somewhere. Where's Crash? -Patkin was a tribute to baseball... ...and one helluva guy. -Jesus--what's got into Nuke? I heard he's wearing women's underwear--and he's breathing through his pingala nostril. -I heard he's wearing women's underwear--and he's breathing through his pingala nostril. I'm getting too old for this game. -Nuke's overthrowing tonight, he don't look loose. Anything bothering him? He said his chakras were jammed and he was breathing out of the wrong nostril. -He said his chakras were jammed and he was breathing out of the wrong nostril. Okay... -What the hell's going on out there? It's a damn convention. -It's a damn convention. Check it out. -The organization wants to make a change...now that Nuke's gone they wanta bring up some young catcher... Some kid hittin' .300 in Lynchburg ...probably a bust. -Some kid hittin' .300 in Lynchburg ...probably a bust. I put in a word for you with the organization--told 'em I thought you'd make a fine minor league manager someday...Might be an opening at Salem next year-- -What'you want, kid? Jim looking for somebody. -Jim looking for somebody. Who ain't? -Who ain't? Looking for Crash Davis. -Looking for Crash Davis. Ain't here. -Ain't here. I'm Nuke LaLoosh. With the Bulls. -I'm Nuke LaLoosh. With the Bulls. Your breaking ball's getting better but ya need a change up. -Crash ain't there. He never gets back till four or five-- Where does he go? -Where does he go? Well, I'd rather not say. -Well, I'd rather not say. They called me up to the Show and I wanta tell Crash goodbye. -Goddamn, that's great! Jesus! Listen, Crash don't like anybody to know it but-- Most nights he goes down to, you know, down to Niggertown. To Sandy's... the whorehouse. He goes to a whorehouse every night? -He goes to a whorehouse every night? Don't tell him I told you--he'd break my neck. -Thank you. ...he did what he was told. -I mean, the guy is history as far as I'm concerned. History. But you can't just fire him. Webb's his brother-in-law. He's County Commissioner. -But you can't just fire him. Webb's his brother-in-law. He's County Commissioner. So what? Everybody out here with cowboy boots is a fuckin' county commissioner or related to a county commissioner. I'm fuckin' sick of it. -So what? Everybody out here with cowboy boots is a fuckin' county commissioner or related to a county commissioner. I'm fuckin' sick of it. This is his state. His uncle's Chief Judge. His brother-in-law runs the County Commission. I don't know how many other relatives he's got in town. There's gotta be a way to work him back in. -This is his state. His uncle's Chief Judge. His brother-in-law runs the County Commission. I don't know how many other relatives he's got in town. There's gotta be a way to work him back in. Phil, I can understand. You're in the finances, you're upstairs, but you are not on the floor. I got thousands of players. I got five hundred dealers. They're all lookin' to rob me blind, twenty-four hours a day. I have to let them know I'm watching all the details, all the time; that there is not one single thing I will not catch as I am over here. -Look at yours. What? -What? Look at that. Look at this. There's nothin'... look how many blueberries your muffin has and how many mine has. Yours is falling apart. I have nothing. -Look at that. Look at this. There's nothin'... look how many blueberries your muffin has and how many mine has. Yours is falling apart. I have nothing. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? It's like everything else in this place. You don't do it yourself, it never gets done. -...was gonna stop what came up next at the casino. I can't believe you're doing this. -It turned out Phil Green, Mr Integrity, had a partner nobody knew about... and when she showed up and started demanding some money from the Tangiers... Why are you doing this to me? -I'm a little in shock, quite frankly... Now, instead of the cops only lookin' at Nicky, they started looking at Green too. And he was supposed to be our squeaky... -Hi, Ace. Hello, Senator. -Hey, I need a room. Need a room. Good to see ya. William would you... -I was never - I was never your guest at the Tangiers. You were never my guest?! -You were never my guest?! That's right. -That's right. I never comped you?! I don't comp you at least two or three times a month at the Tangiers?! -I never comped you?! I don't comp you at least two or three times a month at the Tangiers?! Uh, I - I'd... I'd like to answer - answer that at this time. -Uh, I - I'd... I'd like to answer - answer that at this time. Liar. -Liar. Mr Rothstein is being very typical to this point. -Mr Rothstein is being very typical to this point. He's lying. -The only time I was at the Tangiers was when I had dinner with Barney Greenstein. Was I at that dinner? Just tell me - -Was I at that dinner? Just tell me - You were wandering around. -You were wandering around. Was I at that dinner? -Was I at that dinner? You were wandering around. -You were wandering around. Was I at that dinner? -Was I at that dinner? You were wandering around. -You were wandering around. Was I at that dinner? -Was I at that dinner? You were in the m- You were in the building. -You were in the m- You were in the building. I was in the building! -You know damn well I was at that dinner, and you swore to me that I would have a fair hearing at that dinner! Did you not?! Did you not?! Well, tell me I was at least at the dinner! A-allow me that much. Give me that much at least! Yes, you were. -As far as the world was concerned Andy Stone, the head of the Teamsters' Pension Fund, was a legitimate guy. This is a very auspicious occasion. -This is a very auspicious occasion. A powerful man. -A powerful man. Philip, if you would rise. -He even played golf with the President. On behalf of the Teamsters' Pension Fund, it is my pleasure to present to you . . . -On behalf of the Teamsters' Pension Fund, it is my pleasure to present to you . . . But Andy also took orders. And when he was told to give a pension fund loan to Philip Green... -But Andy also took orders. And when he was told to give a pension fund loan to Philip Green... ...this check for $62,700,000 for the new Tangiers. -You don't have to have a license to work in a casino. All you gotta do is apply for one. The state law says you can work in a casino while they're processing your application. They got a ten-year backlog. But what happens when they do find out? -But what happens when they do find out? Why would they want to find out? We're puttin' a hundred million into this desert here. Why would they want to lock us out? And besides, they'll never find out. All you gotta do is keep changing your job title. Like, uh, from Casino Executive to Food and Beverage Chairman. And what happens it, they take your application, they put it at the bottom of the pile. I know guys workin' there for thirty years, don't have a license. -Why would they want to find out? We're puttin' a hundred million into this desert here. Why would they want to lock us out? And besides, they'll never find out. All you gotta do is keep changing your job title. Like, uh, from Casino Executive to Food and Beverage Chairman. And what happens it, they take your application, they put it at the bottom of the pile. I know guys workin' there for thirty years, don't have a license. It's a tough proposition, Andy. You, you know, if I did it, I'd have to run it my way. -It's a tough proposition, Andy. You, you know, if I did it, I'd have to run it my way. You got it. -You got it. I'm serious. No interference. -I'm serious. No interference. Nobody's gonna interfere with your running the casino. I guarantee it. -He's on all night, screamin' about how he's gonna take his damn lawsuit all the way to the Supreme Court. He really must be crazy. He's gonna go to Washington with this? He's out of his fuckin' mind. It's a pity in this... -First of all, what they did was totally unconstitutional. We're already on the list to be heard before the Supreme Court of the United States later this year. These guys back home don't give a fuck about the Supreme Court and any of this bullshit! They want things to quiet down. They want you to walk away from - -These guys back home don't give a fuck about the Supreme Court and any of this bullshit! They want things to quiet down. They want you to walk away from - Walk away? Andy, you can't be serious. How can I walk away? Don't you see what's goin' on here? Don't you see what's at stake? -Walk away? Andy, you can't be serious. How can I walk away? Don't you see what's goin' on here? Don't you see what's at stake? The old man said, 'Maybe your friend should give in.' And when the old man says 'maybe', that's like a papal bull. Not only should you quit, you should run! -The old man said, 'Maybe your friend should give in.' And when the old man says 'maybe', that's like a papal bull. Not only should you quit, you should run! Know what my problem is? Every time they mention my name in the papers, these cocksuckers, they mention Nicky, too. How the fuck does that help? I mean, the heat he brought down is murder! We had a police department who was cooperative. He's pissed them off so much now that nobody can make a move anymore. I mean, what do you do about that? -Know what my problem is? Every time they mention my name in the papers, these cocksuckers, they mention Nicky, too. How the fuck does that help? I mean, the heat he brought down is murder! We had a police department who was cooperative. He's pissed them off so much now that nobody can make a move anymore. I mean, what do you do about that? What do you propose? -What do you propose? I don't know, he doesn't listen to me. Maybe he should... get lost for a while. Take a vacation. Would that be so bad? -I don't know, he doesn't listen to me. Maybe he should... get lost for a while. Take a vacation. Would that be so bad? They ain't sendin' Nicky nowhere. -They ain't sendin' Nicky nowhere. All right, look, if he took a break, it would just give everybody some time to maneuver. That's all I'm saying. It's all that I'm saying. -All right, look, if he took a break, it would just give everybody some time to maneuver. That's all I'm saying. It's all that I'm saying. I would forget about the maneuver. I would just get out. -I would forget about the maneuver. I would just get out. I can't do that. -Even after a little vacation, they hassled him at the airport. Excuse me. -Excuse me. I mean, Frank Marino was there to meet him, but so were the cops. This time they wanted to pinch him for some diamond burglary in Antwerp. -...stupid things. Watch it, partner, watch it! -Watch it, partner, watch it! The worst was Blue. -...been right, but who knows? Jesus Christ! What gun? He's got a fuckin' hero sandwich here. -No, you're not calm. ...I will let her in the house for five minutes if you gentlemen will escort her out if she happens not to want to leave. Because I don't - I - -Yeah, I don't want her in there more than a few more minutes. No, it's - it'll just be a couple of minutes. We got other things to do too, you know. He'll hurry her up. How's everything else besides this? -No, it's - it'll just be a couple of minutes. We got other things to do too, you know. He'll hurry her up. How's everything else besides this? Fine, fine. How's your family? -Fine, fine. How's your family? Not bad, not bad. In fact, uh, my wife's pregnant again. -Not bad, not bad. In fact, uh, my wife's pregnant again. Oh, good. -Oh, good. Yeah. -Yeah. Congratulations. -Okay, Randy. Thank you. All right, take care. -Stop - Wait, hold on a second. -Wait, hold on a second. Hey! -Hey! Hold on a second. -Look, look. You can't stop her for speeding? I mean, look what the hell she's doing. Speeding? -But one thing I could never understand, was that she could have everything under control, except for her old pimp boyfriend, Lester Diamond. Look, Gin, you know I got other people in this. I got partners. But I want you to understand that I am lookin' out for you in this thing. Okay? You're going to get yours back... and you're gonna get it back first. Okay? -Yeah. He was a moocher, a card cheat, a country-club golf hustler. A scumbag... chasing dentists for a few bucks. -She's my wife. Look at me. You did know that, didn't you? You knew that she's my wife? Huh? Hey, look at me. Yeah, yeah. I know that. -Yeah, yeah. I know that. You do? Yeah? Well, if you ever come back again... ever... to take her money... next time bring a pistol. That way you got a chance. Be a man, don't be a fuckin' pimp. Now, you want to do me a favor? Get out of here. I want to be alone with my wife. Get the fuck up and get out of here. -Okay. You fuckin' piece of shit. -You fuckin' piece of shit. Hey, that's just fuckin' - That's bullshit. You know, you know, what the fuck? -M- Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Rothstein? Hey, little Dale Evans. -Hello. Hello. -Hello. Yeah, is this Lester? This is Sam... -Yeah, is this Lester? This is Sam... ...Rothstein. I want to talk to Ginger. Put her on the phone. -...Rothstein. I want to talk to Ginger. Put her on the phone. She's not here, Sam. -She's not here, Sam. Lester... -Lester... ...listen to me very carefully. I want to talk to Ginger. I want my kid back. I want her put on a plane immediately. -...listen to me very carefully. I want to talk to Ginger. I want my kid back. I want her put on a plane immediately. I know she's there. Don't fuck around with me. -I know she's there. Don't fuck around with me. Uh, I'm not. Sam, I wouldn't... -You understand? Put her on the fuckin' phone. Sam, I - I don't know where she is, okay? -Sam, I - I don't know where she is, okay? So, l-l-l-listen, I te- I te- I tell you - can I call you back in a few minutes? -So, l-l-l-listen, I te- I te- I tell you - can I call you back in a few minutes? 702 472 1862. -702 472 1862. Mm-hm. 1862. Okay, good. I'll call you right b- -Mm-hm. 1862. Okay, good. I'll call you right b- Right away. -Right away. I'll call you right back. -I'll call you right back. Right back. -Right back. You got it. Schmuck. All right. I just bought us a few minutes. Want to get back at this prick? -Now this is just a signature card. So, once she signs those papers, she'll be the only person to have total access to the box? No one else, including myself? -So, once she signs those papers, she'll be the only person to have total access to the box? No one else, including myself? That's right. -Sam, let me ask you a question. You must really trust your wife. Yeah, sure I do. Why? -Yeah, sure I do. Why? No, tha-that's good. It's just unusual. To tell you the truth, so many of my clients don't. -No, tha-that's good. It's just unusual. To tell you the truth, so many of my clients don't. Well... -Oh. Have a good day at school. Okay. -Hello? Hello! Ginger. Help, Daddy! -Amy! Amy, open the door! I can't! I'm tied! -I can't! I'm tied! Wh-wh - -Dad! What happened? What happened? Who did this to you? -What happened? What happened? Who did this to you? Mommy. -Mommy. I'm gonna get a knife and cut you loose, honey, I'll - -I'm gonna get a knife and cut you loose, honey, I'll - Oh, no, please, please. -When did this happen, honey? I don't know. -You don't know? What time did your mother do this? When did she leave? I don't know. -I don't know. Ohhh... -...by the only kind of guys that can actually get you that kind of money: sixty-two million, seven-hundred thousand dollars. I don't know all the details. Matter of fact... -But it's in the desert where lots of the town's problems are solved. Got a lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. Except you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk. Otherwise you're talkin' about a half-hour or forty-five minutes of diggin'. And who knows who's gonna be comin' along in that time? Before you know it, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all fuckin' night. -...give him a shot at runnin' a casino and he tries to talk you out of it. You know, I don't know if I could do this even if I wanted to. The Gaming Commission would never give me a license. I have at least two dozen gambling and bookmaking pinches on me. -You know, havin' some fun with it, shit like that. Where the hell did you learn how to deal? -Where the hell did you learn how to deal? He bet like a fuckin' brain surgeon. -He bet like a fuckin' brain surgeon. Place the checks properly. That's the way you do it. -I'll take Columbia for twenty. If his girlfriend was knocked up. -Yeah, we made a great pair. I made book and Nicky made sure we always collected. The old men loved us. And why not? They all made money with us. They payin'? -They payin'? How did Nicky collect? -It was eight. Ace... tell him the line on the Bear's game. Eight. -Eight. If he don't know, nobody knows. Told you it was eight. -What's that? You hear? You hear a little girl, Frankie? You hear a little girl, Ace? Is that a little fuckin' girl?! What happened to the fuckin' tough guy? Told my friend stick it up his fuckin' ass?! Huh?! Huh?! Wait a sec, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky. Ta- take it easy. -While I was tryin' to figure out why the guy was sayin' what he was sayin', Nicky just hit him. No matter how big a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a gun. And you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he'll keep comin' back and back until one of you is dead. Listen... -But nobody had to take care of Nicky. You find any cash in there, we'll whack it up with you. -You find any cash in there, we'll whack it up with you. I mean, he took care of himself only too well. And that's why every badge back home wanted to nail him. -...nobody interfered with the fuckin' skim. Hey. -Okay, Sammy. Somethin', huh? -Somethin', huh? Yeah. -Yeah. Ginger. -Holy shit, what've you been doin' out here? Honey, come here. -After we ate, we left Jennifer and Ginger alone and we took a ride to talk. And then... he hit me with it. What do you think about me movin' out here? What's the matter? You got a problem with that? -What do you think about me movin' out here? What's the matter? You got a problem with that? No, of course not. -No, of course not. You mean, I have your permission? -You mean, I have your permission? Sure, you have my permission. But I - I just gotta tell you it's no joke out here. It's no joke, you know? You gotta keep a low profile. It's not like back home. Right off the bat, they don't like guys like us. And this sheriff's a real cowboy. Even the coppers aren't afraid to bury people out in the desert here. -Sure, you have my permission. But I - I just gotta tell you it's no joke out here. It's no joke, you know? You gotta keep a low profile. It's not like back home. Right off the bat, they don't like guys like us. And this sheriff's a real cowboy. Even the coppers aren't afraid to bury people out in the desert here. I don't care. I want to get away from back home for a while. I'm tired of that shit back there. Look at this place. It's made of money. You know what the best part is? Nobody's gonna know what we're doin'! There's nobody here to see us! Everybody's back home. -I don't care. I want to get away from back home for a while. I'm tired of that shit back there. Look at this place. It's made of money. You know what the best part is? Nobody's gonna know what we're doin'! There's nobody here to see us! Everybody's back home. Nick, I gotta tell you, I got pinched twice for no reason. You really gotta be careful. I'm running a licensed place. Everything's legit. -Nick, I gotta tell you, I got pinched twice for no reason. You really gotta be careful. I'm running a licensed place. Everything's legit. Don't worry about it. I'm not gonna do anything. What am I gonna do? I'm especially not gonna involve you in anything. -But I saw it another. I saw it as untouched. I mean, they had bookies, pimps and drug dealers I could shake down. Who the fuck were they gonna run to? So, I started getting everybody in line. Best of all, for the first time in my life, I figured out a way not to lose. Yeah, he had a fool-proof scheme, all right. It wasn't very scientific but it worked. When he won, he collected. When he lost, he told the bookies to go fuck themselves. What were they gonna do? Muscle Nicky? Nicky was the muscle. -Ohh! And, Nicky being Nicky, he made his presence known. -Especially at the casino, where he definitely did not work, people got the message. Me? That's why the bosses sent me out here. They wanted me to make sure none of the other crews robbed the joint. Like these two fuckin' balloon-heads over here [EDDY and JERRY]. They were gonna try and bang us out of two hundred fuckin' grand? Yeah, right, I'm sure. -When I married Ginger I knew all the stories, but I didn't give a fuck. 'I'm Sam Rothstein,' I said. 'I can change her.' It was typical Ace. He invited the biggest people in town and he knew they'd show. Because he knew they all wanted somethin' from him. With Ace, nobody ever got a free ride. Even Ginger. With her - -...Nicky was dreamin' his own kind of Vegas. To begin, I put money out on the streets, chargin' three points a week. You know - juice to the fuckin' dealers. -...the next thing I did, I started bustin' out high-stakes poker players. It was so obvious. I mean, all of Nicky's half-assed mechanics, they were real signal happy. -And I didn't want any of those agents near my place. Four aces, Doc. -I mean, Nicky's a made guy and I'm not. I can't do that. Be careful. Gaming agents are all over the place. -Be careful. Gaming agents are all over the place. So, I'm lucky. I'm not allowed to get lucky in this place? -So, I'm lucky. I'm not allowed to get lucky in this place? You been lucky all week. They're lookin' to nail ya. -No, I didn't know that. But you know what he did? No. -He insulted Billy. And then I walked over to him politely... ...and he tells me to go fuck myself. -...and he tells me to go fuck myself. What? -What? Then he called me a faggot. -Then he called me a faggot. So what do you think I do? I threw that cocksucker out. -So what do you think I do? I threw that cocksucker out. What? Ho- Hey, come here. -If he does it again, he's out for good. I don't care what it is, Nick, I'm gonna ha- I'll - I'll never let him in the place again. I'm sorry about this. Really. -I'm sorry about this. Really. All right, Ace? -All right, Ace? Okay. -Okay. Thanks, pal. -But I'll tell you, he knew how to bring in the crowds. He knew all the fuckin' angles. He brought over the whole 'Femme Fatale' show from Paris. But he forgot how lazy them European dancin' broads can get. I mean, he had to weigh 'em in once a week to make sure they didn't blow up like fuckin' balloons. You're still eight pounds over. What's the reason for this? -Hey, I gotta give the guy credit. He does the most obvious thing. This is the only town in the country where a bookie joint is legit, so, why not take advantage, right? So... he took bookie joints off the street and then opened them up inside the casino. Well, within a few years, by doin' all of this, he had every casino on the Strip trying to copy off him. Between... -You better watch yourself. There's a lot of heat on you already. Why, somebody's complaining? -Why, somebody's complaining? I'm - I'm hearin' things from security. They're all ex-cops. The Sheriff's lookin' to bust your balls. They want to put you in the Black Book. -I'm - I'm hearin' things from security. They're all ex-cops. The Sheriff's lookin' to bust your balls. They want to put you in the Black Book. That Black Book is a bunch of bullshit. They got two names in there for the whole country and one of them is still Al Capone. -That Black Book is a bunch of bullshit. They got two names in there for the whole country and one of them is still Al Capone. Bullshit or no bullshit, they put you in that book, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble. You will not be able to walk into the casino. I'm tellin' you. -Bullshit or no bullshit, they put you in that book, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble. You will not be able to walk into the casino. I'm tellin' you. What am I doin' out here? I'm tryin' to make a livin', that's all. -What am I doin' out here? I'm tryin' to make a livin', that's all. I'm just tellin' you. Don't say I didn't warn you. -I'm just tellin' you. Don't say I didn't warn you. All right. -Well, it wasn't long before what I was afraid was gonna happen, happened. Nicky managed to get himself banned from every casino in Las Vegas, and from then on, I couldn't be seen talkin' to him anywhere in Vegas, or even near it. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? -' ...detrimental to gaming. And he will be ejected from any casino in Las Vegas... and the casinos can be fined as much as a hundred thousand every time he shows up.' Do you believe this shit? Yeah, I believe it. You got banned. -Motherfucker. Unsavory fuckin'... Is there any way around this? Nope, there's no way. -Nope, there's no way. Let's say... for instance... I want to go in the restaurant which happens to be in the casino... to get one of those sandwiches I like? -Let's say... for instance... I want to go in the restaurant which happens to be in the casino... to get one of those sandwiches I like? Forget it. You can't even set foot in the parking lot. That's how serious it is. -Forget it. You can't even set foot in the parking lot. That's how serious it is. In other words, I'm fucked. -In other words, I'm fucked. In so many words, yes. -In so many words, yes. It just didn't sink into his head about the Black Book and what it meant. Not being able to go into a casino is just one thing, but being in this book etched your name into the brains of every cop and FBI agent in the state. I mean, you're listed in there with Al Capone. But Nicky didn't care. -It just didn't sink into his head about the Black Book and what it meant. Not being able to go into a casino is just one thing, but being in this book etched your name into the brains of every cop and FBI agent in the state. I mean, you're listed in there with Al Capone. But Nicky didn't care. I gotta do somethin'. I gotta do somethin'. They ain't gettin' rid of me. They're not gettin' rid of me. I'm staying here. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em. -Yeah, Nicky loved restaurants. He was a real restaurant buff. And over the years, he always made money with them. Hey, Rich. -- no matter where he was or what he was doing, he always went home to make breakfast for his son, Nicky- Boy. Here, let's put a little of this on for you. I know you like this. A little butter, right, not a lot? -Hello. Listen... -No, no it's okay. It's impossible. It's booked up, and you gotta make a reservation. It's... -It's impossible. It's booked up, and you gotta make a reservation. It's... ...very difficult to get in. -...very difficult to get in. Well, it's okay. I'll use the service entrance. I'll see you at nine. -Hey, Ace. Hey. -You think he got the point? What're you doin'? He's a square guy, for chrissakes. You can't treat him like that. He's gonna run to the FBI. -What're you doin'? He's a square guy, for chrissakes. You can't treat him like that. He's gonna run to the FBI. Fuck the FBI! That prick's been dodging me for three weeks. And what is it with you? All of a sudden, you're tryin' to tell me what to do all the time. -Fuck the FBI! That prick's been dodging me for three weeks. And what is it with you? All of a sudden, you're tryin' to tell me what to do all the time. I'm not tryin' to tell you what to do. But you were way out of line, Nick. What're you doin'? Where's your head? -I'm not tryin' to tell you what to do. But you were way out of line, Nick. What're you doin'? Where's your head? Where's my head? Where's your fuckin' balls? Huh? You know I'm tryin' to put somethin' really big together out here. You know what I'm talkin' about, huh? You know! If you're actin' like this now, how can I depend on you? There's a lot of things gonna change out here. And if you wanna be there with me, Sammy, you're gonna have to go my fuckin' way. -Where's my head? Where's your fuckin' balls? Huh? You know I'm tryin' to put somethin' really big together out here. You know what I'm talkin' about, huh? You know! If you're actin' like this now, how can I depend on you? There's a lot of things gonna change out here. And if you wanna be there with me, Sammy, you're gonna have to go my fuckin' way. Listen, Nick, you gotta understand my situation. I'm responsible for thousands of people. I got a hundred million a year goin' through the place. It's all over, I'm gonna tell you, it's all over, if I don't get that license. And believe me, if it goes bad for me, it's gonna go bad for a lot of people, you understand? -Listen, Nick, you gotta understand my situation. I'm responsible for thousands of people. I got a hundred million a year goin' through the place. It's all over, I'm gonna tell you, it's all over, if I don't get that license. And believe me, if it goes bad for me, it's gonna go bad for a lot of people, you understand? Yeah, forget about your fuckin' license. I plant my own flag out here, you ain't gonna need a fuckin' license. You know, I don't know what it is, Sammy, but the more I talk to you, the more I feel like you just don't wanna go along with me, is that it? -Yeah, forget about your fuckin' license. I plant my own flag out here, you ain't gonna need a fuckin' license. You know, I don't know what it is, Sammy, but the more I talk to you, the more I feel like you just don't wanna go along with me, is that it? No, I don't wanna come - -No, I don't wanna come - You should say so. -You should say so. I don't wanna come along with you. -I don't wanna come along with you. Just say so. -Just say so. I'll be honest with you. -I'll be honest with you. All right, fine. -All right, fine. I don't wanna be involved in anything you're talkin' about... -I don't wanna be involved in anything you're talkin' about... Fine. -...okay? I just wanna run a square joint. That's it. I just want my license. I want everything nice and quiet. That's it. You mean, quiet like this: 'I'm the boss.' That's quiet? -You mean, quiet like this: 'I'm the boss.' That's quiet? That's all taken out of context. Okay. -That's all taken out of context. Okay. Yeah, that's out of context. Okay. -Yeah, that's out of context. Okay. I have no control over that. Ronnie and Billy were right there. They'll tell you exactly what happened. -I have no control over that. Ronnie and Billy were right there. They'll tell you exactly what happened. Well, back home they don't know about fuckin' control. That looks bad. -Well, back home they don't know about fuckin' control. That looks bad. Looks bad? I'm gonna tell you what looks bad. -Looks bad? I'm gonna tell you what looks bad. Yeah? -Yeah? Every time you're on television I get mentioned. That looks bad. That looks bad. -Every time you're on television I get mentioned. That looks bad. That looks bad. What the fuck happened to you? Will you tell me? -What the fuck happened to you? Will you tell me? What happened to me? What happened to you? -What happened to me? What happened to you? Yeah. -Yeah. You lost your control. -You lost your control. I lost control? -I lost control? Yes, you lost your control. -Yes, you lost your control. Look at you. You're fuckin' walkin' around like John Barrymore. -Look at you. You're fuckin' walkin' around like John Barrymore. All right. -All right. A fuckin' pink robe and a fuckin'... -A fuckin' pink robe and a fuckin'... All right. -All right. ...uh, uh, cigarette holder. I'm - I lost control?! -...uh, uh, cigarette holder. I'm - I lost control?! Yeah. -Yeah. You know, I didn't want to bring this up, but you have treating a lot of people with a lot of disrespect. Even your own wife. -You know, I didn't want to bring this up, but you have treating a lot of people with a lot of disrespect. Even your own wife. My wife? -My wife? Yeah. -Yeah. Now, what does she have to do with all this? -Now, what does she have to do with all this? Well, she comes to see me. She was upset about a lot of things, especially that whole fuckin' Diamond - that Lester Diamond incident. -Well, she comes to see me. She was upset about a lot of things, especially that whole fuckin' Diamond - that Lester Diamond incident. All of a sudden, you're the shoulder to cry on? Did you at least tell her about your little role in that whole situation? -All of a sudden, you're the shoulder to cry on? Did you at least tell her about your little role in that whole situation? No, I didn't. What good would that do? That's not the fuckin' point. -No, I didn't. What good would that do? That's not the fuckin' point. Listen, I would - -Listen, I would - The point is that she's upset. She's - and you got a fuckin' problem. -The point is that she's upset. She's - and you got a fuckin' problem. I - I would appreciate it if you'd stay out of my personal life, okay? You wouldn't like it if I did it to you. -I - I would appreciate it if you'd stay out of my personal life, okay? You wouldn't like it if I did it to you. Hey, she came to talk... -Hey, she came to talk... Please... -Please... ...to me. -...to me. ...don't do it to me... -...don't do it to me... She came to talk to me... -She came to talk to me... Okay? -Okay? And I - what was I supposed to do, throw her out? -And I - what was I supposed to do, throw her out? Ju-just stay away from her. It's none of your business, okay? There are certain things you don't do, and you know that. -Ju-just stay away from her. It's none of your business, okay? There are certain things you don't do, and you know that. It's none of my business? -It's none of my business? That's right, yeah. -That's right, yeah. A week ago it was my business, now it's none of my business. In other words, when you need me to take care of somethin' for you, then you need me. -A week ago it was my business, now it's none of my business. In other words, when you need me to take care of somethin' for you, then you need me. Yeah, that's right, the way you need me to vouch for you as a citizen and get you out of one of your jams. I'm gonna have to straighten out what you just did with this guy. -This guy is gonna run to the FBI. Your fuckin' head is getting' bigger than your casino. That's your problem, pal. -Your fuckin' head is getting' bigger than your casino. That's your problem, pal. I knew what he wanted, and I didn't want any part of it. -I knew what he wanted, and I didn't want any part of it. Fuckin' walking around with a big head. You better check yourself... -Fuckin' walking around with a big head. You better check yourself... Nicky wanted to take over. He wanted to go after Gaggi, go after the skim, go after everything and everybody. -Nicky was questioned in two dozen murders, but they always had to let him go. There were never any witnesses. The coppers blamed me for everything that went wrong out here, and I mean every little fuckin' thing too. -Peekaboo, you fucks, you. I see you, you motherfuckers. -I see you, you motherfuckers. The problem was, Nicky was not only bringin' heat on himself, but on me too. The FBI watched every move he made. But he didn't care. He just didn't care. -...on the line and this guy's out havin' the time of his life. He has every cop in the state watchin' him, and he's out playin' golf. Practice enough this week, you prick? -Practice enough this week, you prick? And at the... -Yeah. Meet me at three. -Meet me at three. What - what, Caesar's? -What - what, Caesar's? No, a... -No, a... ...hundred yards further down the road. -...hundred yards further down the road. Why? -Why? Don't ask questions. Just be there. -Where the fuck you get off talkin' to people about me behind my back? Goin' over my head? What people? -What people? What people! What'd you think, I wasn't gonna find out? -What people! What'd you think, I wasn't gonna find out? I don't even know what you're talkin' about, Nick. -I don't even know what you're talkin' about, Nick. No? You said I'm bringin' heat on you?! I gotta listen to people because of your fuckin' shit?! You're ordering me out?! You better get your own fuckin' army, pal! -No? You said I'm bringin' heat on you?! I gotta listen to people because of your fuckin' shit?! You're ordering me out?! You better get your own fuckin' army, pal! I didn't do anything. I mean, I didn't order you or anybody... I only told Andy Stone that you had a lot of heat on you, and that was a problem. -I didn't do anything. I mean, I didn't order you or anybody... I only told Andy Stone that you had a lot of heat on you, and that was a problem. You want me to get out of my own fuckin' town?! -You want me to get out of my own fuckin' town?! Yeah, I said I - let the bullshit blow over for a while so I can run the casino. Anything goes wrong with the casino, it's my ass. It's not yours, it's my ass. -Yeah, I said I - let the bullshit blow over for a while so I can run the casino. Anything goes wrong with the casino, it's my ass. It's not yours, it's my ass. Oh, I don't know whether you know this or not, but you only have your fuckin' casino because I made that possible! -Oh, I don't know whether you know this or not, but you only have your fuckin' casino because I made that possible! I - -I - I'm what counts out here! Not your fuckin' country clubs or your fuckin' TV shows! And what the fuck are you doin' on TV anyhow?! -I'm what counts out here! Not your fuckin' country clubs or your fuckin' TV shows! And what the fuck are you doin' on TV anyhow?! What are you - -What are you - You know I get calls from back home every fuckin' day?! They think you went batshit! -You know I get calls from back home every fuckin' day?! They think you went batshit! I'm only on TV because I gotta be able to hang around the casino. You understand that. You know that. Come on. -I'm only on TV because I gotta be able to hang around the casino. You understand that. You know that. Come on. Your fuckin' ass! You could have had the food and beverage job without goin' on television! You wanted to go on TV. -Your fuckin' ass! You could have had the food and beverage job without goin' on television! You wanted to go on TV. Yeah, I did want to go on TV. That way I have a forum. I can fight back. I'm known. People see me. They know they can't fuck around with me like they could if I was an unknown. That's right. -Yeah, I did want to go on TV. That way I have a forum. I can fight back. I'm known. People see me. They know they can't fuck around with me like they could if I was an unknown. That's right. You're makin' a big fuckin' spectacle of yourself. -You're makin' a big fuckin' spectacle of yourself. Me?! I wouldn't even be in this situation if it wasn't for you. You brought down so much fuckin' heat on me. I mean, every time I meet somebody here, the big question is do I know you. -Me?! I wouldn't even be in this situation if it wasn't for you. You brought down so much fuckin' heat on me. I mean, every time I meet somebody here, the big question is do I know you. Oh, sure. Now you want to blame your fuckin' license on me, is that it? -Oh, sure. Now you want to blame your fuckin' license on me, is that it? No, it - it - Nicky, when you asked me if you could come out here, what did I tell you? I mean, you asked me, and I knew you were going to come out no matter what I said, but what did I tell you? Do you remember what I told... -No, it - it - Nicky, when you asked me if you could come out here, what did I tell you? I mean, you asked me, and I knew you were going to come out no matter what I said, but what did I tell you? Do you remember what I told... Back - -Back - ...you? Do you remember what I told you? -...you? Do you remember what I told you? Back - Back up, back up a fuckin' minute here. One minute. I asked you?! When the fuck did I ever ask you if I could come out here?! Get this through your head, you - -Back - Back up, back up a fuckin' minute here. One minute. I asked you?! When the fuck did I ever ask you if I could come out here?! Get this through your head, you - You never - ? -You never - ? Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. You only exist out here because of me! That's the only reason! Without me, you, personally, every fuckin' wiseguy skell [Skell: the lowest form of wiseguy - a drunken bum] around'll take a piece of your fuckin' Jew ass! Then where you gonna go?! You're fuckin' warned! Don't ever go over my fuckin' head again! You motherfucker, you! -What are you doin'? You gotta get out of here! Hey, Sammy, tell this Jew motherfucker over here to pay that marker. -Hey, Sammy, tell this Jew motherfucker over here to pay that marker. Nicky, Nicky, you're not listenin' to me. I'm here to help you. What's the matter with you? You're gonna bury us both. -Nicky, Nicky, you're not listenin' to me. I'm here to help you. What's the matter with you? You're gonna bury us both. Just give me the money. Fuckin' give me the fuckin' money, Sammy. -Just give me the money. Fuckin' give me the fuckin' money, Sammy. I'm gonna okay you ten and get you even, and that's it. Then you got to get out of here before the cops and the newspapers are all over you. -Ginger called me. Yeah. -Yeah. I just told you. She called me. -I just told you. She called me. And what'd she want? -And what'd she want? She was afraid to call you. -She was afraid to call you. Yeah, she's with that cocksucker again... and they got Amy. -I know. Why didn't you come to me? I mean, this is family, it ain't business. Meanwhile, you make calls back home. Sammy, it makes us look bad out here, you know what I mean? Back and forth, this one and that one, and, in the meantime, she's gone anyway. Am I right? I don't know. What am I gonna do with this woman? I don't know... She's drivin' me fuckin' crazy. -I don't know. What am I gonna do with this woman? I don't know... She's drivin' me fuckin' crazy. I think if you, uh, okay it, you know, assure her that she's gonna be all right, she'll come back. -I think if you, uh, okay it, you know, assure her that she's gonna be all right, she'll come back. She's driving me fuckin' crazy. -She's driving me fuckin' crazy. Well, once you get her here, you think about it, you know? But get the kid back here. She wants to come back. That's the, uh, that's the main thing here. You want your kid, don't you? Huh? -Hello. Sammy. -Sammy. Yeah, uh, who's this? -Yeah, uh, who's this? It's me. -It's me. Nick? -Yeah, what are you doin'? You okay? No, I'm not okay. -No, I'm not okay. How'd you know I was here? -How'd you know I was here? Well... -...uh, you know, I just wanted to talk to you a minute. Well... -Well... ...Ginger's missing and she tied Amy up and she locked her in her room. I gotta find her. I don't know where the hell she is. -...Ginger's missing and she tied Amy up and she locked her in her room. I gotta find her. I don't know where the hell she is. Yeah? Well, listen, Ginger's over here at the Leaning Tower with me. -Yeah? Well, listen, Ginger's over here at the Leaning Tower with me. She's there with you? She's there with you? -She's there with you? She's there with you? Yeah, she's here. -Yeah, she's here. I'll be right there. -Ace don't... listen, don't... don't make a scene, all right? I want to just talk. I want to talk to that Irish bitch. -I want to just talk. I want to talk to that Irish bitch. She didn't know who to turn to. She... she didn't know where to turn. She was tryin' to save your marriage. -She didn't know who to turn to. She... she didn't know where to turn. She was tryin' to save your marriage. Yeah? Nicky, I want to talk to that fuckin' bitch. -Yeah? Nicky, I want to talk to that fuckin' bitch. Hey, be fuckin' nice. Calm. Be nice. Don't fuck up in here. -Mr Rothstein... I'm Pat Webb. How do you do? -Hey, it is my pleasure. Yeah, I heard a lot about you. -Yeah, I heard a lot about you. Oh, thank you, sir. -Hey, house is doin' well. Hey, all that money is rollin' in. I appreciate you takin' the time to see a poor ol' civil servant. No, that's quite all right. -Uh, I come here personally to kind of smooth over a fracas about a certain matter. See, uh, maybe you didn't know it, but, uh, Don Ward is a very well-liked man in this town. He's got lots of friends here. Now, his family and their money go back many, many years. Now, friends vote... family and money votes. That's important to me... and you. And if you'll think about our little problem along them lines... and you forgive me for sayin' it, maybe he did not deserve to be fired. I'm sorry, but he knew about our gettin' hit on three big machines in a row and he did nothing about it. That means either he was in on it or, forgive me for saying this, he was too dumb to see what was going on. Either way, I cannot have a man like that workin' here. -I'm sorry, but he knew about our gettin' hit on three big machines in a row and he did nothing about it. That means either he was in on it or, forgive me for saying this, he was too dumb to see what was going on. Either way, I cannot have a man like that workin' here. Before we point the dirty end of the stick at 'ol Don, uh, we better be sure we can prove them charges. -Before we point the dirty end of the stick at 'ol Don, uh, we better be sure we can prove them charges. Believe me, if I could prove it, he would be under arrest. -Believe me, if I could prove it, he would be under arrest. Are, uh - - are we certain that you want the Gamin' Control Board eyeballin' your record and your gangster pals like Nicky Santoro? -Are, uh - - are we certain that you want the Gamin' Control Board eyeballin' your record and your gangster pals like Nicky Santoro? I think you're way out of line talkin' to me like that. What you're sayin' is libelous, and you're in no position to challenge my expertise. I went way out of my way to be very helpful and courteous to that kid. He's weak, he's incompetent. He jeopardizes the whole place. There's not much more I can do for him. -I think you're way out of line talkin' to me like that. What you're sayin' is libelous, and you're in no position to challenge my expertise. I went way out of my way to be very helpful and courteous to that kid. He's weak, he's incompetent. He jeopardizes the whole place. There's not much more I can do for him. You have got me there. Old Don is as useless as tits on a boar. But, he is my brother-in-law, and I would look on it as a personal favor if you'd think some more on hirin' him back. -You have got me there. Old Don is as useless as tits on a boar. But, he is my brother-in-law, and I would look on it as a personal favor if you'd think some more on hirin' him back. I can't do that. And I appreciate the fact that he's your brother-in- law, and I do want to help you and I like to do favors, and I know who you are, but I cannot do that. -I can't do that. And I appreciate the fact that he's your brother-in- law, and I do want to help you and I like to do favors, and I know who you are, but I cannot do that. Well, could there be any position... further down the trough? -Well, could there be any position... further down the trough? I'm sorry, I can't do anything. He's too incompetent. And the bottom line is, he cannot be trusted. -Okay, thanks. Um... you know, that's it. I'm sorry. Mr Rothstein. Your people never will understand the way it works out here. You're all just our guests. But you act like you're at home. Let me tell you somethin', partner... you ain't home. But that's where we're gonna send you if it harelips the Governor. Thank you for your time. -Mr Rothstein. Your people never will understand the way it works out here. You're all just our guests. But you act like you're at home. Let me tell you somethin', partner... you ain't home. But that's where we're gonna send you if it harelips the Governor. Thank you for your time. No problem. Sorry. -No problem. Sorry. You bet. -Son-of-a-bitch. How the hell did you get Oklahoma-Michigan? Nobody ever had Oklahoma-Mi... How the hell'd you do it? Well, that's why they paid so well. -Well, that's why they paid so well. You see? Never tells me nothin'. Ace, what do we got on for next week? -You see? Never tells me nothin'. Ace, what do we got on for next week? Well, it's a little too early. I'd say Thursday would be good. I'll know by then. Is that all right? -Well, it's a little too early. I'd say Thursday would be good. I'll know by then. Is that all right? Okay. You come by the house? -Okay. You come by the house? I'll come by. -I'll come by. Seven o'clock? -Seven o'clock? Seven o'clock. -Oh, yes. Will you help me fold these, please? They were ready to blame him for anything, no matter where it happened. -You go and put your things away. And they were usually right. -Because Nicky enjoyed being a gangster, and he didn't give a damn who knew it. Come on. There we go. Look at that. Beautiful. -I mean, that's what worried me, 'cause it turns out Nicky was about to be sent to Vegas. All right, we're clear. -This is Jennifer and Nick. They're dear friends of mine. Good to meet you. -You know, I don't feel like playin' tennis. ...as soon as Andy got back home, Nicky heard about our talk in the car. -...as soon as Andy got back home, Nicky heard about our talk in the car. Let's go to lunch. Do you want to go to the Riviera? -Let's go to lunch. Do you want to go to the Riviera? Next morning bright and early, I get the call. -Hello. Hello, Jennifer, it's Sam - -Want something to drink? Charlie you want a refill? Yeah, refill'd be great. -Charlie, you've gotta - you've gotta stop her! I-I'm sorry, Sam. -I-I'm sorry, Sam. You've got to stop her. -You've got to stop her. What can I do? -What can I do? She's a fuckin' junkie. She's out of her fucking mind. Do you unders- -Legally, she can't take that stuff. Legally, she can't take the stuff. No, Ace. -No, Ace. Half of everything is mine. -Half of everything is mine. Ace, listen to me. -Ace, listen to me. Half - I'm comin' down. -Mr Rothstein, sir, let me put her on suspension. Never mind the 'sir'. Never mind the 'sir'. -Never mind the 'sir'. Never mind the 'sir'. Well, sir, I was just... -Well, sir, I was just... Why is she eight pounds over? -Why is she eight pounds over? ...trying to offer you the respect that your... -...trying to offer you the respect that your... I... -I... ...position... -...position... 'Mr Rothstein' is good enough. -'Mr Rothstein' is good enough. Mr Rothstein... well, sometimes, when you reach that pressure point, when you put that pressure point on them, you know, it shows... -Mr Rothstein... well, sometimes, when you reach that pressure point, when you put that pressure point on them, you know, it shows... She could at least lose half a pound or a quarter. Listen... -She could at least lose half a pound or a quarter. Listen... ...and she doesn't always - -...and she doesn't always - ...all you do is give me answers. Just - just give me the right answer. -...all you do is give me answers. Just - just give me the right answer. But, sir. Well, I don't know why. I guess, maybe, because she's frightened that if she doesn't lose the weight she may even get fired. -But, sir. Well, I don't know why. I guess, maybe, because she's frightened that if she doesn't lose the weight she may even get fired. That's right. She will get fired. In fact, I want you to send her back to Paris. -That's right. She will get fired. In fact, I want you to send her back to Paris. It's always been our policy - -It's always been our policy - No. Just stop everything. -I hired an old casino pal, Billy Sherbert, as my manager and I went to work. ...And this is Ronnie, who takes care of the card room... -...And this is Ronnie, who takes care of the card room... For guys like me, Las Vegas washes away your sins. It's a morality car wash. It does for us what Lourdes does for humpbacks and cripples. And, along with making us legit... -We need this guy. We can't get rid of him? -We can't get rid of him? He's juiced in. He's the County Commissioner's cousin. -He's juiced in. He's the County Commissioner's cousin. I wouldn't give the bum a mop job. -I had dozens of politicians and state officials comin' through that place every week. Nice to see you, Senator. -Nice to see you, Senator. Help the Senator, give him whatever he wants. -Help the Senator, give him whatever he wants. Certainly. Senator. -Certainly. Senator. Why not make them happy? -Why not make them happy? We have some nice penthouses you'll enjoy. Maybe the Presidential Suite. -Fuckin' asshole won't budge. Call security. -This woman's an institution. I don't care what she is. She's an institution, that's the problem. She's lazy. -To Abraham Lincoln. L'chaim. [Yiddish for 'to life'] -L'chaim. [Yiddish for 'to life'] Here we go. Good luck. -Sam, we got a problem. What is it? -What is it? The little guy. He's half in the bag, and nobody told him he was eighty- sixed from the joint, so we... -Now, he's really pissed. Oh, no. -He wants a fifty-thousand marker. No, just - just give him, give him ten. That's it. Ten. I'll be right down. -No, just - just give him, give him ten. That's it. Ten. I'll be right down. He's gonna come up with ten thousand, just the way you wanted. -Yeah, Billy Sherbert, please. Put him on. Who's this? -Who's this? Yeah, Bill, listen, I'll explain to you later. Just - You - You got a gun at home? Yeah. Bring it over here right away. -Okay. Just take it easy. Right away. Okay? -Right away. Okay? I-I'll do it. -I-I'll do it. Okay. -I'm going to go powder my nose. Ginger's mission in life was money. -Ginger's mission in life was money. I'll be right back. -I'll be right back. See you, Ginger. -Okay, thank you for asking. She was a queen around the casino. She brought in high rollers and helped them spread around a lot of money. -She was a queen around the casino. She brought in high rollers and helped them spread around a lot of money. Hello. -Any change? I hit a few... uh, games on the way back. -I hit a few... uh, games on the way back. That was all bullshit. She just pocketed the cash. -She took care of the dealers... Hey, Mitch. -Hey, Mitch. ...pit bosses, floor managers. -...pit bosses, floor managers. Thank you. -Thank you. But mostly... -...she took care of the valet parkers, the guys who could get you anything and take care of anything. Thanks a lot. -The Ginger I knew wouldn't even look at this creep. Good luck. -Within no time, everything was set in place. We got rid of the freelance scamsters. The per was way up. The gods were happy, or as happy as the gods can ever be. And I, I decided to complicate my life. For a guy who likes sure things, I was about to bet the rest of my life on a real longshot. We're not getting any younger. Don't you think it's time? Aren't you gettin' tired of all this shit? Bangin' around, hustlin' around? -We're not getting any younger. Don't you think it's time? Aren't you gettin' tired of all this shit? Bangin' around, hustlin' around? What, are you trying to handicap me? -What, are you trying to handicap me? I'm gonna do you one better. I'm trying to marry you. You want to marry me? I'm serious. I mean, I - I want to settle down. I want a family. -I'm gonna do you one better. I'm trying to marry you. You want to marry me? I'm serious. I mean, I - I want to settle down. I want a family. You got the wrong girl, Sam. -You got the wrong girl, Sam. I know I'd be a good father. I know you'd be a good mother. -I know I'd be a good father. I know you'd be a good mother. You don't know me. What, you've known me, two, three months. What do you know? -You don't know me. What, you've known me, two, three months. What do you know? I'm forty-three years old. I don't want to wait. I know you well enough to know that I really love you very much. And I can't think of anybody better to be with. And I don't feel like waiting anymore. -I'm forty-three years old. I don't want to wait. I know you well enough to know that I really love you very much. And I can't think of anybody better to be with. And I don't feel like waiting anymore. You know a lot of happily married people, Sam? 'Cause I don't. -You know a lot of happily married people, Sam? 'Cause I don't. Yeah, I know all that. -Yeah, I know all that. I care about you, a - But I just don't have those kind of feelings for you. I'm sorry. I'm not in love with you. -I care about you, a - But I just don't have those kind of feelings for you. I'm sorry. I'm not in love with you. I - I - I... -I - I - I... Understand? I'm sorry. -Understand? I'm sorry. No, I - I... mean... that can grow as I - as long as there's a mutual respect... that kind of thing can grow. I'm realistic. I can accept that. But, you know, what is... What is love anyway? It's a... it's a mutual respect. It's - it's a devotion. It's a... it's a caring from one person to another. And if we could set up some kind of foundation... based on that mutual respect... I feel that eventually you would care enough about me... that I could live with that. -No, I - I... mean... that can grow as I - as long as there's a mutual respect... that kind of thing can grow. I'm realistic. I can accept that. But, you know, what is... What is love anyway? It's a... it's a mutual respect. It's - it's a devotion. It's a... it's a caring from one person to another. And if we could set up some kind of foundation... based on that mutual respect... I feel that eventually you would care enough about me... that I could live with that. If it doesn't work out. You know, if it doesn't play out, then what happens to me? -If it doesn't work out. You know, if it doesn't play out, then what happens to me? You know I'm doin' well now. And I'm gonna do even better. And so, whatever happens, if it doesn't work out between us, I'm gonna make sure you're okay for the rest of your life. And if there are kids, especially, you know, I'll take care of you better than you'd ever imagine. -You know I'm doin' well now. And I'm gonna do even better. And so, whatever happens, if it doesn't work out between us, I'm gonna make sure you're okay for the rest of your life. And if there are kids, especially, you know, I'll take care of you better than you'd ever imagine. What're you... what're you pitching me, here? -What're you... what're you pitching me, here? Just what I said. You'll be set up for the rest of your life. That I can promise you. Want to take a chance? -You all right? Yeah. -Yeah. Why're you crying? -Why're you crying? I'm not crying. -Maybe you shouldn't drink so much. I'm okay. I just - You just have to understand. I've been with Lester since I was a kid. I just wanted to say goodbye. I - I just... I don't... I think I have a right to do that. Okay? -I'm okay. I just - You just have to understand. I've been with Lester since I was a kid. I just wanted to say goodbye. I - I just... I don't... I think I have a right to do that. Okay? It's all right. That part of your life is over with. Right? -It's all right. That part of your life is over with. Right? Yeah. -Yeah. You're with me now. -You're with me now. Yeah. -Yeah. Right? -Right? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. You sure? -You sure? Yeah. Yeah. -Want to go? Let's go back in. Okay. -You're kidding? My God. What is it? It's chinchilla. -It's chinchilla. Oh, it's so soft. -Oh, it's so soft. It's nice isn't it? -It's nice isn't it? Oh... -So, do you think it's too much if I wear these in the same day? You do whatever you want. Do I keep my promises, or do I keep my promises? -You're so wonderful. The jewelry's not so bad, either. The only thing is... you shouldn't keep this in the house. We gotta put it in a bank. -The only thing is... you shouldn't keep this in the house. We gotta put it in a bank. Come on. Can I keep this one in the house? -Come on. Can I keep this one in the house? Now look, pay attention to me. What I'm gonna tell you is very important. -Now look, pay attention to me. What I'm gonna tell you is very important. Okay. -Okay. All this stuff doesn't mean anything. Money, this, doesn't mean anything without trust. I have to be able to trust you with my life. -Crooked cops and kidnappers, they don't take checks. Need a little help with that, Mr Collins? -Need a little help with that, Mr Collins? So, I put two million in cash in a Los Angeles bank under the name of Mr and Mrs Tom Collins. This was strictly my shakedown and kidnapping money. -Hi. Nice to see you. She could be the most charming woman you ever saw. People loved to be around her. -Hey, do you want to see this one? Daddy gave me all this jewelry because he loves me so much. Put your arm in there. But as much as they loved her... -But as much as they loved her... Oh, fabulous. -Oh, fabulous. ...they didn't know what really moved her. -Okay, want to go with Mommy? What do you need? -What do you need? You get her? Okay. Well, I need a lot. I need more than usual. -You get her? Okay. Well, I need a lot. I need more than usual. Well, why don't you take it out of your account? There's a lot there. -Well, why don't you take it out of your account? There's a lot there. Well, I would, you know, Sam. It's just that... well, I need more than that. I need twenty-five thousand. -Twenty-five thousand? For yourself? Yeah. -Yeah. Why do you need that much? -Why do you need that much? Well, what's the difference? I just need it. -Well, what's the difference? I just need it. Well, I mean... you know, I gotta ask you. That's a lot of money. You're not asking for a box of popcorn, you know. I mean... -Well, I mean... you know, I gotta ask you. That's a lot of money. You're not asking for a box of popcorn, you know. I mean... I'm aware of that. We don't have to turn this into a big deal. Okay? We don't have to have a fight. It was important to me. But forget it. Just something I wanted to do for myself. -I'm aware of that. We don't have to turn this into a big deal. Okay? We don't have to have a fight. It was important to me. But forget it. Just something I wanted to do for myself. Who's fighting? I mean, I'm, you know, tell me what it's for. -Huh? Well, you know what? Now, I want you to tell me. I mean, my wife comes to me and asks me for twenty-five thousand. I mean, what do you want? Do you want a coat? No. -No. Well, if you want a coat, you got it. You know that. It's not the money, it's just why do you want it? That's all I'm askin'. Am I not entitled to that? -Well, if you want a coat, you got it. You know that. It's not the money, it's just why do you want it? That's all I'm askin'. Am I not entitled to that? Look - Sam, I've been independent my whole life. I never had to ask anybody for anything. Now you're making me beg you for this. -Look - Sam, I've been independent my whole life. I never had to ask anybody for anything. Now you're making me beg you for this. What are you talkin' a- ? -What are you talkin' a- ? Okay? And you're embarrassing me. Why do want to make me feel so bad? -Okay? And you're embarrassing me. Why do want to make me feel so bad? You're askin' me for twenty-five thousand. I'm not out to make you feel bad. I want to just be able to trust you. You now, it's about trust. I have to be able to trust you with my life. Do you understand? Can I trust you? Can I trust you?... Can I trust you?... Answer me. Can I trust you? -You're askin' me for twenty-five thousand. I'm not out to make you feel bad. I want to just be able to trust you. You now, it's about trust. I have to be able to trust you with my life. Do you understand? Can I trust you? Can I trust you?... Can I trust you?... Answer me. Can I trust you? You can trust me. -You can trust me. Good, so then you could tell me what the money is for. -You remember when you called him that night? When you said goodbye to him? He didn't say, 'Don't get married, I'll be right down, we'll get married.' He didn't say that to you, did he? No, he didn't. -No, he didn't. Didn't. No, instead, what did he say? 'Fuck him. Take him for everything he's got.' -Huh? Isn't it bad enough you're drinkin' too much, you're takin' all my pills too? -Isn't it bad enough you're drinkin' too much, you're takin' all my pills too? I didn't take your pills. -I didn't take your pills. Look - for my ulcer, I take a half a one of these, a half a one of these. And that's when I have extreme pain. I had a three-month supply. What'd you do with 'em? -Look - for my ulcer, I take a half a one of these, a half a one of these. And that's when I have extreme pain. I had a three-month supply. What'd you do with 'em? You didn't have to beat him up! -You didn't have to beat him up! What? -I was just tryin' to help him. It's not like I'm sleeping with the guy! Yeah, how do I know? -Yeah, how do I know? You can't make me stop caring... -You can't make me stop caring... What? What?! -What? What?! I said, you can't make me stop caring about people. -Listen. Ginger. I'm tryin' to make the best of everything here, you know? I mean, you're my wife, for chrissakes. Uh, I mean... people look up to you in this town. I don't know what to think - You know what, Ace? I don't give a shit! I'm gettin' out of here. I am. -It's okay. Look... ...you gotta get a hold of yourself. Okay. -Okay. If not for me, at least for Amy. -If not for me, at least for Amy. Okay, okay. -Okay, okay. You understand? Your drinking's gettin' way out of hand. I'm gonna get you into a program. They got plenty of good ones. -You understand? Your drinking's gettin' way out of hand. I'm gonna get you into a program. They got plenty of good ones. I don't need one. -I don't need one. Yes, you do. It's very discreet. There's no names in the papers. You don't have to worry about any of that stuff. -Yes, you do. It's very discreet. There's no names in the papers. You don't have to worry about any of that stuff. That's all you care about. You don't care about me at all. -That's all you care about. You don't care about me at all. Yes, I - yes, I do. -Yes, I - yes, I do. No, you don't. -No, you don't. How could you say that? You're a beautiful woman. You're destroying yourself. You don't need that stuff. You don't need that fuckin' leech livin' off you. I know you better than you know yourself. You're a tiger, you're stronger than I am. And when you set your mind on doing something, you do it better than anybody. You can do it. You can do it. -How could you say that? You're a beautiful woman. You're destroying yourself. You don't need that stuff. You don't need that fuckin' leech livin' off you. I know you better than you know yourself. You're a tiger, you're stronger than I am. And when you set your mind on doing something, you do it better than anybody. You can do it. You can do it. Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. Okay... I'll try. I'll try. -You see, if a phone's tapped, the Feds can only listen in... ...on the stuff involving crimes. So on... -...on the stuff involving crimes. So on... ...routine calls, they have to click off after a few minutes. -...routine calls, they have to click off after a few minutes. Yeah, and I get a sprained fuckin' elbow. -I mean she's only sober about two hours a day. It's usually from eleven in the morning until one in the afternoon. And if I gave her her money and her jewels now, you know what she's gonna do? She's gonna piss it all away in about a year, and then where will she be? Where would you be then? Comin' right back to me, right back to me. Or finding some other excuse to come and I - I - We had a deal. Remember that? He said if it didn't work out between us, that I could get my things and I could leave. -We had a deal. Remember that? He said if it didn't work out between us, that I could get my things and I could leave. Look in my eyes. Look in my eyes. -Well, that's why I'm here. She wants to come back, but she's afraid you're gonna whack her out. Yeah, they're gonna kidnap my kid. What do you want? -Hello. Hi, it's me. Just who you wanted to talk to, right? -Hi, it's me. Just who you wanted to talk to, right? Listen... -...uh-uh-uh - I'm not gonna ask you where you are, just please, put Amy on a plane. Just put her on right away, any plane to get her here right away... ...please. That's all I'm askin' you. -...please. That's all I'm askin' you. Do you... I mean... I don't think she should go by herself. -Do you... I mean... I don't think she should go by herself. What do you mean? -What do you mean? What I mean is, you think if, uh, do you think if I came back... do you think you could forgive me? -What I mean is, you think if, uh, do you think if I came back... do you think you could forgive me? Uh, I don't know. I gotta tell you, I don't know. -Uh, I don't know. I gotta tell you, I don't know. Right. -Right. I under-understand that. I-I know I fucked up. -I under-understand that. I-I know I fucked up. What about the money? Uh, where's the box? -What about the money? Uh, where's the box? I gotta tell ya... -I gotta tell ya... ...I-I... made some mistakes and I spent some money. -...I-I... made some mistakes and I spent some money. What's it... -What's it... ...under? -...under? Pretty serious. -Pretty serious. How serious? -How serious? It's, uh, it's under twenty-five. -It's, uh, it's under twenty-five. It's under... -It's under... ...twenty-five thousand? -...twenty-five thousand? Yeah. -Yeah. And... -And... ...the rest of the two million is still there? -...the rest of the two million is still there? Yeah, yeah, I got the rest. -Yeah, yeah, I got the rest. Okay, no big deal. That's okay. Yeah. He got his twenty-five. That I'll live with. Any more I couldn't. -Okay, no big deal. That's okay. Yeah. He got his twenty-five. That I'll live with. Any more I couldn't. Okay? -Okay? All right... -So, what'd ya do with it? With what? -With what? With the money. -With the money. He needed some clothes. -He needed some clothes. Twenty-five thousand for clothes. -Twenty-five thousand for clothes. He wanted a watch, too. -He wanted a watch, too. Twenty-five thousand for clothes and a watch. -Twenty-five thousand for clothes and a watch. Mm-hm. -Mm-hm. Mm-hm. -The good part was, I had Amy back. So, we went home, had the housekeeper stay over, put the kid to bed, I calmed myself down and we went to dinner. I tried to keep things nice and civil, you know. But... hey, twenty-five thousand for three suits? That doesn't make much sense. First of all, he's not gonna wear f- thousand-dollar suits. But let's say he did, which he won't. How you gonna get fitted for twenty-five suits in three days? I, um, I mean, how could you get fitted that fast? I can't get fitted that fast, and I pay twice as much. -First of all, he's not gonna wear f- thousand-dollar suits. But let's say he did, which he won't. How you gonna get fitted for twenty-five suits in three days? I, um, I mean, how could you get fitted that fast? I can't get fitted that fast, and I pay twice as much. I bought him a watch too. -I bought him a watch too. Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah. But even if you bought him a watch, a really nice watch, one that he thought was nice - and he doesn't know what the fuck a good watch is - so, you go, five, ten, twelve grand? -But even if you bought him a watch, a really nice watch, one that he thought was nice - and he doesn't know what the fuck a good watch is - so, you go, five, ten, twelve grand? Yeah. -Yeah. At the most, which is impossible for him. -Plus, at the most, three suits, a thousand apiece. That still leaves what? Around ten thousand? Would you knock it off, Sam? -Would you knock it off, Sam? I'm just tryin' to figure it out. -I'm just tryin' to figure it out. There's nothin' to figure out. I'm home... we're workin' it out. -Yes, I want to kill you! I hate your fuckin' guts! You hate my guts? I want you to come with me now. -Get off of me! Stop it! Come with me now! Come with me now. Come with me now. I want you out of here. -I want you out of here! I want you out of here! Let go of me! Let go of me! -Take your fuckin' bag and get out of here! I'll go, but I want my money right now! -The arrangement is over! No kidding. NO KIDDING! -No kidding. NO KIDDING! And I still get my money. I need some cash right now. You can't just put me in the street. -And I still get my money. I need some cash right now. You can't just put me in the street. I'll get your cash. You haven't been straight with me ever since I met you! You never loved me in the first place! I need eyes in the back of my fuckin' head with you, you fuckin' bitch! -You're lower than a dog! Fuck you! -Here. Here. Is this enough money?! Huh? Will it last you two fuckin' days? Take it, greedy bitch. Take the fuckin' money you fuckin' want. I'm going to the bank and I'm getting my jewelry too! -Yeah, no kidding. Good! It opens at 9 a.m. Be there! And don't send your guys down there to stop me! I mean it. -Stop! You aren't getting rid of me with one fuckin' suitcase! You'll come back tomorrow and get the rest. Just get out of here. -You'll come back tomorrow and get the rest. Just get out of here. Fine. I'm takin' Amy. -Fine. I'm takin' Amy. You're not takin' Amy. -You're not takin' Amy. I am. I'm wakin' her up right now. -I am. I'm wakin' her up right now. You're stoned. You're a junkie. Get out of here. -I am not! She's my daughter too! Goddamn you! Get out of here! -Hi. You didn't answer your beeper. I threw it away. -I threw it away. You threw it away? -You threw it away? Look, I tried to do this thing. I know that you want me to, but it's just - You know, I'm driving down the freeway and the fuckin' thing's 'beep-beep-beep-beep'. You know, I'm in a restaurant and it's - it's embarrassing. I don't want to do it anymore. Where's Amy? -Look, I tried to do this thing. I know that you want me to, but it's just - You know, I'm driving down the freeway and the fuckin' thing's 'beep-beep-beep-beep'. You know, I'm in a restaurant and it's - it's embarrassing. I don't want to do it anymore. Where's Amy? I put her to bed. -I put her to bed. Oh. I got your cigarettes. -Oscar wants you to call him. So, who'd you go to lunch with? -So, who'd you go to lunch with? With Jennifer. -With Jennifer. And where'd you go? -And where'd you go? To the Riviera. -To the Riviera. What'd you have? -What'd you have? I had a... salad. -I had a... salad. What did Jennifer have? -What did Jennifer have? She had the same. -She had the same. Okay. I want you to call Jennifer and I want you to tell her to tell you what she had for lunch, and I'm gonna listen in on the other line. -Okay. I want you to call Jennifer and I want you to tell her to tell you what she had for lunch, and I'm gonna listen in on the other line. Why do you want to do that? -Why do you want to do that? You know why I want to do it. Just do it. -You know why I want to do it. Just do it. Fine. Just gonna get the bowl for my thing. -Fine. Just gonna get the bowl for my thing. Mm. -All right... I didn't have lunch with Jennifer. Who were you with? -Who were you with? I was with somebody. -I was with somebody. I know you were with somebody. Who was it? I just hope it's not someone who I think it might be. I just hope it's not them. -...she did what she did and I did what I had to do. But, Jesus, Nicky was the worst thing she could've done. What if he won't stop? -What if he won't stop? I mean, it could get us both killed. -I mean, it could get us both killed. I can back him off. -Hi, Sam. I mean, you tie up our kid and you lock the fuckin' door? Are... -I mean, you tie up our kid and you lock the fuckin' door? Are... Oh... -Oh... ...you out of your mind? That's our child. Are you out of your fuckin' mind? -...you out of your mind? That's our child. Are you out of your fuckin' mind? It's just for a little while, Sam. The baby-sitter wasn't there. -It's just for a little while, Sam. The baby-sitter wasn't there. I ought to fuckin' have you committed. You fuckin' do that again, I'll f-, I'll f- -I ought to fuckin' have you committed. You fuckin' do that again, I'll f-, I'll f- She wasn't gonna get up. I was just gonna be out for a little while. -She wasn't gonna get up. I was just gonna be out for a little while. I should have - -I should have - I mean, she was asleep. I was going to be right back before she even woke up. -I mean, she was asleep. I was going to be right back before she even woke up. Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me. Listen, you fuckin' cunt. -Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me. Listen, you fuckin' cunt. Oh, sh- -Oh, sh- Listen to me. -Listen to me. Fuck you. -Fuck you. Let me tell you something. Listen to me. -Let me tell you something. Listen to me. I w- I was gonna be back before she woke up. -I w- I was gonna be back before she woke up. You listen carefully! You ever fuckin' touch her again, you ever do anything like that again, I'll fuckin' kill you. Pure and simple. Do you hear me? Pure and fuckin' simple, I'll fuckin' kill you, you bitch. -You listen carefully! You ever fuckin' touch her again, you ever do anything like that again, I'll fuckin' kill you. Pure and simple. Do you hear me? Pure and fuckin' simple, I'll fuckin' kill you, you bitch. Why don't you just let me go, Sam? -Why don't you just let me go, Sam? You fuckin' whore! -You fuckin' whore! I'll sign anything you want me to sign, okay? -I'll sign anything you want me to sign, okay? You understand? What? Let you go? -You understand? What? Let you go? I just want the key to my jewelry, and I want you to let me go. -I just want the key to my jewelry, and I want you to let me go. You want your jewelry? -You want your jewelry? I want you to let me go. -I want you to let me go. And what? And let you disgrace me, you fuckin' pig? And let you disgrace me? Get up. Get up and be a mother. Get in the car and go to the house... -Get - Get up! Get up! I wou- I wouldn't do that if I were you. -I wou- I wouldn't do that if I were you. Get - get up! -Get - get up! I wouldn't do that... -I wouldn't do that... Get up! Get going! Get up! -I wouldn't - Get the fu- You threatening me? I'll fuckin' kill you in this place! Get up and go home right now. -Now you need approval from him to go home? So what? So who fuckin' blew you in the parking lot before you came in... huh? -So what? So who fuckin' blew you in the parking lot before you came in... huh? You make me sick, you fuck. Once a fuckin' hooker, always a hooker. -You make me sick, you fuck. Once a fuckin' hooker, always a hooker. Oh, fuck you! Fuck you, Sam Rothstein! Fuck you! -She, she's alone. Just go. Take the gun and go into Amy's. You get down here! -You get down here! Just wait there for me! -Just wait there for me! Get down here and talk to me, goddamn it! Don't fuckin' ignore me! You motherfucker! -You come out here and talk to me, you fucker! Will you stop it? You're drunk, you're on drugs. You're gonna - -Will you stop it? You're drunk, you're on drugs. You're gonna - I am not! -I am not! You're gonna be sorry if you don't stop that. -You're gonna be sorry if you don't stop that. Don't you threaten me! -Don't you threaten me! You'll wake the whole neighborhood! -You'll wake the whole neighborhood! Don't you threaten me! -You are not threatening me anymore! I'm not - -I won't let her in. I'm sorry, Randy, I'm not gonna let her in. She - Well, I'm not gonna let her in, the way she's behaving. I'm - I'm - Not gonna let me in? -Not gonna let me in? Who knows what you're gonna do in there? I don't want you - -Who knows what you're gonna do in there? I don't want you - What do you mean, what am I gonna do? I'm in the same clothes for two days! I want to get a few of my things! Big deal! -I'm afraid to let her in the house. Oh, you are... -Oh, you are... I'm afraid she's gonna destroy stuff. -I'm afraid she's gonna destroy stuff. Let me in the house! Fucker! -Should I let her in like - ? You ought to be afraid, the way you fuckin' treat me! -If she calms down, I will let her in the house. I am calm! -I am calm! If she calms down... -After all the threats and all the bullshit, it turned out Ginger didn't tell 'em anything. But by then, the Feds didn't need her, anyway. But it was just mine. -But it was just mine. They had all the pieces they needed. -Yeah, thanks for not callin' me a liar. You son-of-a-bitch. You son-of- a Good evening, everyone, I'm Paige Novodor. What should have been a routine licensing hearing turned into bedlam yesterday when the flamboyant Tangiers Casino executive, Sam -...'Ace' Rothstein, accused the state's top gaming officials of corruption. What are you running for, Bob? What are you running for? -What are you running for, Bob? What are you running for? ...and hypocrisy. -...and hypocrisy. Don't you remember? You promised me a fair hearing when you were gettin' comped at my hotel and you were asking me for copies of your bills so - -- you could put 'em on your expense account? In a Wild and unprecedented outburst that followed his gaming license denial, Rothstein followed several... -In a Wild and unprecedented outburst that followed his gaming license denial, Rothstein followed several... Bullshit! Bullshit! -...stunned commissioners into the hallway, where he continued his harangue until his own lawyers and friends urged him to leave. We all have a past. You have a past, I have a past. And my past is no worse than yours. But you guys think you have the right to pass judgement on me. -We all have a past. You have a past, I have a past. And my past is no worse than yours. But you guys think you have the right to pass judgement on me. Long suspected of running the Tangiers without... -Long suspected of running the Tangiers without... ...twenty years in order to find nothin' on me - -...Well, I've got a large family. How many kids do you have? -How many kids do you have? Uh, I'm very proud to say that we have eight children. -Uh, I'm very proud to say that we have eight children. Eight children! -Eight children! No, no, no, no, please, please, please, please, no, please. -No, no, no, no, please, please, please, please, no, please. That's amazing. -That's amazing. There was nothing to it. It was my pleasure. -It won't happen again, Sam. Mr Rothstein. -Loose machines are right back over there. What are they doin' way back there? Bring 'em up here where they belong. You can't even see 'em over there. -What are they doin' way back there? Bring 'em up here where they belong. You can't even see 'em over there. Okay, I'll - -Okay, I'll - What about the progressives with the high jackpots? Where are they? These machines are hidden. -What about the progressives with the high jackpots? Where are they? These machines are hidden. Well... -Well... These are our best machines. They bring all the action. No wonder the drop is off. -These are our best machines. They bring all the action. No wonder the drop is off. Yeah, okay. -Yeah, okay. The action is in the front, not in the back. Bring 'em up front. -The action is in the front, not in the back. Bring 'em up front. All right, I will, I will. -All right, I will, I will. Listen to me very carefully. There are three ways of doing things around here. The right way, the wrong way, and the way I do it. You understand? -Listen to me very carefully. There are three ways of doing things around here. The right way, the wrong way, and the way I do it. You understand? I do understand that. I'll get right on it. And thank you. -I do understand that. I'll get right on it. And thank you. Don't thank me, just do it. You're the Slots Manager. I shouldn't have to tell you this. -Don't thank me, just do it. You're the Slots Manager. I shouldn't have to tell you this. Dang, you are right, Mr Rothstein, I am so sorry. -Four reels, sevens across, three fifteen-thousand-dollar jackpots? Do you have any idea what the odds are? Shoot, it's gotta be in the millions, maybe more. -Shoot, it's gotta be in the millions, maybe more. Three fuckin' jackpots in twenty minutes? Why didn't you pull the machines? Why didn't you call me? -Three fuckin' jackpots in twenty minutes? Why didn't you pull the machines? Why didn't you call me? Well, it happened so quick. Three guys won. I didn't have a chance to call you. -Well, it happened so quick. Three guys won. I didn't have a chance to call you. You didn't see the scam? You didn't see what was goin' on? -You didn't see the scam? You didn't see what was goin' on? Well, there's no way to determine that, Sam. -Well, there's no way to determine that, Sam. Yes, there is. An infallible way! They won! -Yes, there is. An infallible way! They won! Well, it's a casino. People gotta win sometimes. -Well, it's a casino. People gotta win sometimes. Hey... Ward, you're pissin' me off. Now, you're insulting my intelligence. What do you think, I'm a fuckin' idiot? You know goddamn well somebody had to get into those machines and set those fuckin' reels. -The probability on one-four-reel machine is a million and a half to one. On three machines in a row, it's in the billions. It cannot happen... would not happen, you fuckin' momo! What's the matter with you! Didn't you see you were bein' set up on the second win? I really think you're - -I really think you're - You - Wait! You didn't see that you were being set up on the second win? -You - Wait! You didn't see that you were being set up on the second win? I really think you're overreacting in this whole - -I really think you're overreacting in this whole - Listen, you fuckin' yokel, I've had it with you. I've been carryin' your ass in this place ever since I got here. Get your ass and get your things and get out of here. -Listen, you fuckin' yokel, I've had it with you. I've been carryin' your ass in this place ever since I got here. Get your ass and get your things and get out of here. You're firin' me? -You're firin' me? I'm firin' you? No, I'm not firin' I'm firin' you, you - -You might regret this, Mr Rothstein. I'll regret it even more if I keep you on. -I'll regret it even more if I keep you on. This is not the way to treat people. -This is not the way to treat people. Listen, if you didn't know you're bein' scammed, you're too fuckin' dumb to keep this job. If you did know, you were in on it. Either way, you're out! Get out! Go on. Let's go. -...worst possible time for me. A record of the arrests... -A record of the arrests... I had my license hearing coming up and I didn't wanna leave anything to chance. -I had my license hearing coming up and I didn't wanna leave anything to chance. That was nineteen years ago, and they were simple gambling pinches. -That was nineteen years ago, and they were simple gambling pinches. I mean, if I can't work in Vegas, where am I gonna go? -I mean, if I can't work in Vegas, where am I gonna go? You've been very open with us. I mean, uh, your books and papers and... that - that's gonna mean something when you go before the Commission. -You've been very open with us. I mean, uh, your books and papers and... that - that's gonna mean something when you go before the Commission. Well, that's all I ask, gentlemen, a fair hearing. -Ah, yes, here we are. A little craps figures. [Actual amount taken from craps tables before the skim.] Hey - Hey. Green? -We had to make an example of these pricks that the party was over. I'm just curious. I saw you shuffling your checks with your right hand. Can you do that with both hands? -I'm just curious. I saw you shuffling your checks with your right hand. Can you do that with both hands? No. -No. Can't do it with both hands? -Can't do it with both hands? No, Sir. -No, Sir. Can you do it with your left hand? -Can you do it with your left hand? Well, I... I never tried. -Well, I... I never tried. So, you're a righty? -So, you're a righty? Ye-yeah. -Now, you're gonna have to learn with your left hand. God! -Look what they did to my hand, man! All right, I'm gonna give you a choice. You can either have the money and the hammer or you can walk out of here. You can't have both. What do you want? -Excuse me. What? -What? Is this yours? Your pen? -Is this yours? Your pen? Yeah, that's my pen. Why? -Yeah, that's my pen. Why? I ju- Well, it's a nice pen. I just didn't know whose it was. I thought it was yours. I didn't want it to get lost. -I ju- Well, it's a nice pen. I just didn't know whose it was. I thought it was yours. I didn't want it to get lost. Well, thank you. Why don't you take that fuckin' pen and shove it up you ass, you fuckin' jag-off? -I just wanna get out of here. And don't forget to tell your friends what happens if they fuck around in here. You understand? -And don't forget to tell your friends what happens if they fuck around in here. You understand? I'm sorry. I made a bad mistake. -I'm sorry. I made a bad mistake. You're fuckin' right, you made a bad mistake. 'Cause if you come back here - we catch either one of you - we're gonna break your fuckin' heads and you won't walk out of here. You see that fuckin' saw? We're gonna use it. You don't fuck around in this place. You got it? -You're fuckin' right, you made a bad mistake. 'Cause if you come back here - we catch either one of you - we're gonna break your fuckin' heads and you won't walk out of here. You see that fuckin' saw? We're gonna use it. You don't fuck around in this place. You got it? Yeah. -Yeah. Get out of here. -Get out of here. Thank you. -When I left here with the money... Mm. -Mm. ...I got muscled on the street. -...I got muscled on the street. Mm. -Mm. A couple of guys, I owe them. So, that's what I did. I gave 'em the money. That's what I did. -A couple of guys, I owe them. So, that's what I did. I gave 'em the money. That's what I did. Yeah? -Yeah? Yeah. -Yeah. You call yourself a man? You know you're a lyin', low-life, motherfuckin' gambling degenerate prick? You know that's what you are? Two small kids at home. I gave you money to pay the fuckin' rent and buy groceries, put the heat on. You know your wife called Frankie and told him the fuckin' heat's off? -No, no? You didn't? I didn't give 'em the m- -I didn't give 'em the m- Don't fuck with me, Al! Don't make a fuck out of me! You want to embarrass me and make a fool out of me?! You didn't gamble?! Tell me you gambled the fuckin' money, I'll give you the fuckin' money to put the fuckin' heat on! Did you gamble?! Huh?! -Fuckin' kids at home! Here. Get the fuck out of here. Thanks, Nick. -Thanks, Nick. Yeah, thanks. -Hey... you got a minute? Hey. He's got two million in the box, am I right? Okay, you let him keep your jewels. We take the cash and the only other thing he cares about. Huh? Her majesty. We go to Europe. You dye your hair, get some pl- I don't want to go to Europe. I want to go to see The Elephant Man. -I don't want to go to Europe. I want to go to see The Elephant Man. We're not gonna go see any fuckin' elephants, okay? -I don't want to go to Europe. Shut your mouth! -You know where she gets this from! You shut up. -You shut up. No, you - You want me to come over there? I'll smack your face. -I was out there with my cumma [Italian- American slang for 'girlfriend'.] Your cumma? What are you doin' with your cumma? -Your cumma? What are you doin' with your cumma? What else? I gave her a schaff [Italian-American slang for 'tap'.] -You gotta go back there and talk to that guy. Come on, go back there? I never got paid my expenses for the last trip. -Come on, go back there? I never got paid my expenses for the last trip. What expenses? -What expenses? Well, I'm goin' all over, layin' money out of my own pocket, and I never get anything back. What the hell's goin' on? -Well, I'm goin' all over, layin' money out of my own pocket, and I never get anything back. What the hell's goin' on? You gotta go back out there. -You gotta go back out there. Well, then, from now on, I'm gonna start keepin' records. -Well, then, from now on, I'm gonna start keepin' records. Artie, no records, Artie. What are you gonna do with records? Pay taxes? -Artie, no records, Artie. What are you gonna do with records? Pay taxes? Well, I keep layin' out my own fuckin' dough for these trips and nothin' ever comes back. I mean, what hell's goin' on? What are we doin' over here? -Well, I keep layin' out my own fuckin' dough for these trips and nothin' ever comes back. I mean, what hell's goin' on? What are we doin' over here? You're goin' out to Las Vegas, you're havin' a good time at my expense. What the fuck? I mean, after all, you're the one having a good time, not me. -Yeah, that works out. But how much cash could I bury in my closet, right? -But how much cash could I bury in my closet, right? You need to understand, and I - I'm sure you do... that in a venture of this kind, you have to be prepared to take some kind of loss. -You need to understand, and I - I'm sure you do... that in a venture of this kind, you have to be prepared to take some kind of loss. Oh, listen, I understand that there's always a risk... you know, I might have to take a loss somewhere. -Oh, listen, I understand that there's always a risk... you know, I might have to take a loss somewhere. So I put some of the money into legitimate deals with Charlie Clark. He was Ace's banker. -So I put some of the money into legitimate deals with Charlie Clark. He was Ace's banker. I mean, you will try to push it through, won't you, Mr Clark? -I mean, you will try to push it through, won't you, Mr Clark? Yes. -Yes. Well, you gotta understand, I'm giving you fifty thousand cash. -No, I don't want one. Hey, Mr Clark, how you doin'? Hi. Good. -Hi. Good. I've been trying to reach you. You're tougher to get than the President. -I've been trying to reach you. You're tougher to get than the President. Well, I've been busy. -Well, I've been busy. Yeah, least you could do is return my phone calls, though. -Yeah, least you could do is return my phone calls, though. Listen... Nicky... we talked about this... and, uh, I explained to you that there was the possibility you might have to take some kind of loss. -Listen... Nicky... we talked about this... and, uh, I explained to you that there was the possibility you might have to take some kind of loss. Yeah. I think I want my money back. -Yeah. I think I want my money back. What're you gonna do? Strong-arm me? -What're you gonna do? Strong-arm me? You know... I think that you've gotten the wrong impression about me. I think in all fairness, I should explain to you what it is that I do. For instance, tomorrow morning I'll get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and walk in and see you, and, uh... if you don't have my money for me, I'll crack your fuckin' head wide open in front of everybody in the the bank. And just about the time that I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be comin' out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fuckin' head open again. Because I'm fuckin' stupid. I don't give a fuck about jail. That's my business. That's what I do. And we know what you do, don't we, Charlie? You fuck people out of money and get away with it. -You know... I think that you've gotten the wrong impression about me. I think in all fairness, I should explain to you what it is that I do. For instance, tomorrow morning I'll get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and walk in and see you, and, uh... if you don't have my money for me, I'll crack your fuckin' head wide open in front of everybody in the the bank. And just about the time that I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be comin' out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fuckin' head open again. Because I'm fuckin' stupid. I don't give a fuck about jail. That's my business. That's what I do. And we know what you do, don't we, Charlie? You fuck people out of money and get away with it. You can't talk to me like... -You can't talk to me like... Hey, you fat Irish prick. You put my fuckin' money to sleep. You go get my money, or I'll put your fuckin' brain to sleep. -Hey, you fat Irish prick. You put my fuckin' money to sleep. You go get my money, or I'll put your fuckin' brain to sleep. Sam? -Sam? Never mind fuckin' Sam. This is personal. I'll be there in the morning. You can fuckin' try me, fatso. -Go back inside! This is none of your business! I don't have to take your shit all the time anymore. Hey. -Hey. I'll to the FBI! -Mrs Ro- Mrs Rothstein! Okay, shh! He won't... -He won't let me in my own house! Mr Rothstein. Mr Rothstein, I'm sorry. We've got some complaints about - about the noise. -Mr Rothstein. Mr Rothstein, I'm sorry. We've got some complaints about - about the noise. I'm just trying to get in my house! -I'm just trying to get in my house! I understand. -I understand. He won't let me go in my house! -Fucker! Please. -Can I go in? That's not a problem, that's not a p- -That's not a problem, that's not a p- Can I go in? -Can I go in? Jeff, would you go in with her? -Um, I'm gonna need a bag. If you could just ask the guy for a big bag, okay? Go get a bag, man. -Go get a bag, man. And here. Here. -And here. Here. Lady, I can't. I can't. I ca- -No, you can, you can. You've been so nice to me. I can't. -You just - Just stop him. Mr Ro- Mr Roth- Mr Rothstein, where you goin' - -What do you want? It - It's pitch- black out here. It's tin foil. Pitch-black?! It - -Pitch-black?! It - It looked like a fuckin' gun! -It looked like a fuckin' gun! You - You fuckin' moron, I'll be filling out paper work for the next two months because of you and this piece of shit, you... -You - You fuckin' moron, I'll be filling out paper work for the next two months because of you and this piece of shit, you... Oh my God, what are we gonna do? I'm sorry. -Oh my God, what are we gonna do? I'm sorry. ...fuckin' jerk-off. -Hey! Hey! -All right. Okay, okay. Mr Rothstein, why don't we just let her in the house and get a few of her things? That way she'll get out of here. This is half her house anyway. -Hey, Mr Rothstein, it'll make it a lot easier on everybody here if we just let her in the house. If we let her get a few of her things we'll be out of your hair. -Come on. I'm sorry. Okay. -There's nothing we can do. She had the key. She's on the account. There's nothing we can do. -Sir, you're gonna have to leave. You mind accompanying us outside? Bullshit, I ain't goin' anywhere with you! -Bullshit, I ain't goin' anywhere with you! Bullshit, you're out of here, cowboy! -Fuck you! Fuck you! Yeah? -Yeah? You know who you're fuckin' with?! Huh? Do you?! -You know who you're fuckin' with?! Huh? Do you?! Now move along. -Now move along. You fuckin' faggot! Do you know who you're fuckin' with? -Leave me alone! Here we go! -Here we go! You've gotta be kidding me! -You called my friend a faggot? You tell him to go fuck himself? Nicky, I did - -Nicky, I did - Is that what you did? -Is that what you did? I did - I didn't - -I did - I didn't - Tell him to go fuck himself? You fuckin' hick! Fuckin'... -You took your boots off? You put your feet on the table... you shit- kicking, stinky, horse-manure-smellin' motherfucker you! You fuck me up over there, I'll stick you in a hole in the fuckin' desert! You understand? Go over there and apologize. Go! Get the fuck out of - Nicky, I'm sorry. -Beautiful. You got a beautiful swing. Ace got my son, little Nicky, involved with Little League, and it was great. -Ace got my son, little Nicky, involved with Little League, and it was great. Now, I want you to get out there and get me singles and doubles, okay? 'Cause that's what's gonna win this game. -Now, I want you to get out there and get me singles and doubles, okay? 'Cause that's what's gonna win this game. Turned out to be one of the other coaches was a fuckin'... -Turned out to be one of the other coaches was a fuckin'... Now go out there and show your dad what you can do. -Now go out there and show your dad what you can do. ...metro intelligence cop. But it didn't matter. I mean, it was all about the kids, you know. -...metro intelligence cop. But it didn't matter. I mean, it was all about the kids, you know. You know, he's gotta realize everything can't be a home run that he does. -You know, he's gotta realize everything can't be a home run that he does. Yeah, well, that's exactly what I keep tellin' him, but that's the kind of kid he is ever since he's born. -Yeah, well, that's exactly what I keep tellin' him, but that's the kind of kid he is ever since he's born. It's instinctive, you know. -It's instinctive, you know. He tries to do everything... -...in some legitimate places, like my restaurant. Is that the last one? -I had my kid brother, Dominick, run it for me. Fuckers! -Do you see that? Dumb Jew motherfucker. Grew up together and he's actin' like he don't even know me. I know we're supposed to avoid each other, but, you know, there's ways to do things and there's ways not to. Yeah. Fuck him. -Forget about it, Nick. Don't let it bother you. Why, does it look like it's bothering me? What do I give a fuck? Fuckin' Oscar too. All the fuckin' money I've given that prick, he don't even look over here. What's his problem? -He's comin' over. Great! -Oh. We're waiting on Carmine. -We're waiting on Carmine. Yeah, we're lookin' for Carmine. -Carmine left? He's gone? -He's gone? He's not here? -He's not here? Carmine's gone. -Hey, Nicky, how are you? What are you doin' here? I'm over here now. -Yeah, I'm over here with him. Oh. -Carmine? He was here before. I saw him. He had a suitcase and everything, and then he left. Carmine left? -Carmine left? Uh-huh. -I think, you know, maybe he went across the street or somewhere else or somethin'. I don't know. Well, listen, uh... Good luck with the joint, huh? -Well, listen, uh... Good luck with the joint, huh? Oh, thanks, Eddy. -Artie! Calm down! Calm down! -Calm down! Calm down! No, I won't calm down! He's my husband! -No, I won't calm down! He's my husband! Stay out of the way! -Stay out of the way! Artie! Artie! -Artie! Artie! We can't help him if - -We're - we're placing you under arrest for - For what? -For what? We're placing you under arrest for aiding and abetting - -We're placing you under arrest for aiding and abetting - What? -What? We're placing you under arrest for aiding and abetting a - -We're placing you under arrest for aiding and abetting a - But I'm just trying to leave. -Hey, Frankie. How are you? -How are you? Fine, fine. -...I want all the names of all the other people he had with him. And I don't care what you have to do to him to get 'em. You understand? I'll take care of it, Remo. -I'll take care of it, Remo. E mo va! [Italian-American slang for 'Now, go!'] -Frankie... they found a guy's head in the desert. Do you know about that? Yeah, I heard, yeah. -Yeah, I heard, yeah. Yeah. Everybody's talkin' about it. They're makin' a big deal out of it. -Yeah. Everybody's talkin' about it. They're makin' a big deal out of it. I know. -I know. It's in all the papers. -It's in all the papers. What're you gonna do? -What're you gonna do? And I mean... that's no good. -And I mean... that's no good. I know. -I know. You gotta tell him... to take care of things a little better. -You gotta tell him... to take care of things a little better. I'll tell him, Remo. -Frankie, I want to ask you something. It's private... but I want you to tell me the truth. -It's private... but I want you to tell me the truth. Of course, Remo. -Of course, Remo. I want you to tell me the truth, mind you. -I want you to tell me the truth, mind you. I always tell you the truth, Remo. -I always tell you the truth, Remo. Frankie... the little guy, he wouldn't be fuckin' the Jew's wife, would he? Because if he is... it's a problem. -Frankie... the little guy, he wouldn't be fuckin' the Jew's wife, would he? Because if he is... it's a problem. What could I say? I knew if I gave the wrong answer, I mean, Nicky, Ginger, Ace, all of 'em could've would up gettin' killed. -What could I say? I knew if I gave the wrong answer, I mean, Nicky, Ginger, Ace, all of 'em could've would up gettin' killed. Because there's one thing about these old timers: They don't like any fuckin' around with the other guy's wives. It's bad for business. -Because there's one thing about these old timers: They don't like any fuckin' around with the other guy's wives. It's bad for business. So, I lied... even though I knew that by lyin' to Gaggi, I could wind up gettin' killed too. -So, I lied... even though I knew that by lyin' to Gaggi, I could wind up gettin' killed too. No. I ain't see anything like that. -No. I ain't see anything like that. Are you sure? -Are you sure? I'm positive. Remo... things are very fucked up down there, you know? -I'm positive. Remo... things are very fucked up down there, you know? Yeah, I know. That's why I'm asking. You see, my main concern is Nicky. -Yeah, I know. That's why I'm asking. You see, my main concern is Nicky. Hm. -Hm. I want to know... if he's doin' all right. If he's okay. -I want to know... if he's doin' all right. If he's okay. He's good. He's fine. -He's good. He's fine. I'm askin' you, Frankie, to keep an eye on Nicky. Do it for me. -I'm askin' you, Frankie, to keep an eye on Nicky. Do it for me. No problem. -No problem. You see... I wouldn't want to be jeopardizing anything for people who are our friends. You understand? -You see... I wouldn't want to be jeopardizing anything for people who are our friends. You understand? I understand. -I understand. Okay. Frankie, you're a good boy. -You got a round figure on it? Definitely the most important guy in this room. -But back then the bosses didn't give a fuck about whether he enjoyed himself of not. To them, he was a cash register. All they had to do was ring the bell and take the money. Especially Remo, who was a fuckin' degenerate gambler who always lost. Ma che cazzo! -I mean, unless Ace made his bet. That's enough now! -Ace. Keepin' Remo happy with money was the greatest insurance policy in the world. -Hey, Nick. Vien acca. [Italian- American slang for 'Come here'] I'll be right out. -I'll be right out. T'aggia parla. [Italian-American slang for 'I've got to talk to you'] Nicky... See that guy? -T'aggia parla. [Italian-American slang for 'I've got to talk to you'] Nicky... See that guy? Mm. -Mm. Keep a good eye on him. He's makin' a lot of money for us. And he's gonna continue makin' a lot of money for us, so keep a good eye on him. -Keep a good eye on him. He's makin' a lot of money for us. And he's gonna continue makin' a lot of money for us, so keep a good eye on him. Mm. -Mm. Not like your fuckin' friends out there, that... without brains. Okay? -Not like your fuckin' friends out there, that... without brains. Okay? All right. -All right. Uh-huh. Mi raccomando. [Italian- American slang for 'I'm counting on you'] -Uh-huh. Mi raccomando. [Italian- American slang for 'I'm counting on you'] Yeah. -Yeah. Fine. -Fine. Want me to take this for you? -Uh-huh. Good. But I knew how to keep the bosses happy. Whenever they gave me little jobs to do, you know, to send a message, I would carry things out... -But I knew how to keep the bosses happy. Whenever they gave me little jobs to do, you know, to send a message, I would carry things out... And how are things going down there? -Hi, Jennifer. Pleasure. Very nice to meet you. -Pleasure. Very nice to meet you. Hi, how are you? -Hi, how are you? Okay, Sammy. -Tell me. I know it wasn't a nice thing to do but - -I know it wasn't a nice thing to do but - Yeah, no shit. -Well, you gotta understand it. He doesn't know if this guy is shaking you down or taking advantage of you. No! No! I told him all about the guy before we ever got married. This is no fuckin' surprise. -No! No! I told him all about the guy before we ever got married. This is no fuckin' surprise. Oh, you did? I didn't know that. -Oh, you did? I didn't know that. Yeah. He's just a friend of mine I was trying to help, so... so what? -Yeah. He's just a friend of mine I was trying to help, so... so what? You know... the first time I ever saw your guys together... I never saw him so happy. I mean, I know he's a crazy Jew fuck and everything, but... -I never see - You know, I never seen him act like that with anybody else. I think he's crazy about you. I mean, he really loves you. He does. Oh, come on. I went into this with my eyes open, you know. I knew the bottom could drop out at any time. I'm a working girl, right? You don't think I'm gonna go into a situation like this if I don't think I'm gonna get covered on the back end. -Oh, come on. I went into this with my eyes open, you know. I knew the bottom could drop out at any time. I'm a working girl, right? You don't think I'm gonna go into a situation like this if I don't think I'm gonna get covered on the back end. Sure. -Sure. Am I right? -Am I right? I can see that. Sure. -I can see that. Sure. So, he put aside some jewelry for me. A lot of jewelry. -So, he put aside some jewelry for me. A lot of jewelry. You mean, like a lot of expensive jewelry? About how much? -You mean, like a lot of expensive jewelry? About how much? Mm, you want to steal it? -Mm, you want to steal it? No. I - I'm just curious, you know. I was wonderin' how much he would put into a thing like that. That's all. -No. I - I'm just curious, you know. I was wonderin' how much he would put into a thing like that. That's all. I'm told it's worth about a million dollars, maybe more. -I'm told it's worth about a million dollars, maybe more. Well, there you go. But what does that tell ya? A million dollars in jewelry. Does that tell you the guy is crazy about you, or what? -Well, there you go. But what does that tell ya? A million dollars in jewelry. Does that tell you the guy is crazy about you, or what? I should have never married him. He's a Gemini. A triple Gemini... duality. Gemini's the snake. You know you can't trust the snake. I mean it. -I should have never married him. He's a Gemini. A triple Gemini... duality. Gemini's the snake. You know you can't trust the snake. I mean it. I know what you mean. -Listen, Ginger... you know, this is probably not... I don't have the answers anyway... and this is probably not what you want to hear right now, because you're a little upset with Ace. I do. -I do. I understand that. But, you know, I think you should try to make the best of it now. Go slow, you know. See what happens. -I understand that. But, you know, I think you should try to make the best of it now. Go slow, you know. See what happens. He could have killed him! Okay? He could have killed him. -He didn't have to hit him. It's not exactly like I'm sleepin' with the guy! And he makes me sneak around to see my own friends! What the fuck is that all about? Well, I guess it's 'cause he loves you so much. He's jealous and worried. -Well, I guess it's 'cause he loves you so much. He's jealous and worried. He gives a fuck what I do? -He gives a fuck what I do? Look, I'll try to find out what the hell's goin' on. When I see him I'll talk to him. -Look, I'll try to find out what the hell's goin' on. When I see him I'll talk to him. Okay. -Okay. All right? -All right? Yeah. Thanks. -And take it easy with this shit, will you? I mean, this can only make matters worse. Oh, come on. -Oh, come on. You're a beautiful girl. You don't want to ruin your looks. I've seen a lot of girls get shot to hell from this stuff. -You're a beautiful girl. You don't want to ruin your looks. I've seen a lot of girls get shot to hell from this stuff. You're so nice. -You're so nice. Come on, now, I don't want to see you unhappy. -Thanks. Yeah. -Thank you. It's all right. -You just relax. Nobody's killin' anybody, do you hear? No, I really do. I think he's gonna kill me. -No, I really do. I think he's gonna kill me. You just relax, and call me back here in exactly an hour, on this phone, and I'll see what I can do. -You just relax, and call me back here in exactly an hour, on this phone, and I'll see what I can do. Yeah, uh-huh... Okay. -So, I'm gonna call you back in an hour... at this number, and you're gonna be there, right? I'll be there. -I'll be there. And listen, don't do anything else crazy, okay? You all right? Okay. -And listen, don't do anything else crazy, okay? You all right? Okay. Bye. -I mean, listen, two people don't get along, at some point you gotta call it... I mean, it's none of my business, but I ... I think that's what you gotta do. You gotta take it somewhere - Oh, you're right, I know. It's... well, I was just - -Oh, you're right, I know. It's... well, I was just - What? What? -What? What? Nothin'. -Nothin'. What were you gonna say? Go ahead. -What were you gonna say? Go ahead. I don't - -I don't - Tell me what you were gonna say. Go ahead. -Tell me what you were gonna say. Go ahead. Yeah? -Yeah? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, I was thinkin', maybe... you know somebody at the bank... could help me get my jewelry out? There's a lot of money in there. Lot of money in there, and I'd be willing to take care of anybody who helped me out. -Well, I was thinkin', maybe... you know somebody at the bank... could help me get my jewelry out? There's a lot of money in there. Lot of money in there, and I'd be willing to take care of anybody who helped me out. Let me think about that. -Let me think about that. Okay. -Okay. See who I got in there. Gotta get somebody I can trust. -See who I got in there. Gotta get somebody I can trust. Mm-hm. -Mm-hm. You know? -You know? Yeah. 'Cause, you know, He's never gonna give me my jewelry. -Yeah. 'Cause, you know, He's never gonna give me my jewelry. Hm. -Hm. He holds that key so tight, he's probably got it stuck up his ass. -He holds that key so tight, he's probably got it stuck up his ass. Yeah, right. That's Sammy. And he's probably got it there too. -He's so fuckin' lucky. I could have buried him. I could have gone to Europe and taken the baby. And then he'd've tracked me down and he'd've killed me. No, he wouldn't. I would have. And he'd've been right, too. I mean, seriously. Well, there's one thing you don't do. You don't take a guy's kid and then take off. -No, he wouldn't. I would have. And he'd've been right, too. I mean, seriously. Well, there's one thing you don't do. You don't take a guy's kid and then take off. I didn't. I didn't. I mean, I did, but then I did exactly what you told me to do, and I came right back. -I didn't. I didn't. I mean, I did, but then I did exactly what you told me to do, and I came right back. You did. You're right. -You did. You're right. Exactly. -You did. I like that. I like that. That's what I like about you. You did the right thing. I did what you told me to. -I did what you told me to. Yes, you did. -Yes, you did. 'Cause you always tell me the right thing to do. -'Cause you always tell me the right thing to do. Yeah. Boy, he really fucked himself up out here - - didn't he? -Yeah. Boy, he really fucked himself up out here - - didn't he? Sure did. -Sure did. Everything went to his head. -No, he's not. He really thinks who the fuck he is, I'll tell you that. -He really thinks who the fuck he is, I'll tell you that. Exactly. He hates me. -He hates my fuckin' guts. Come on, come on, you're a toughie. You can take this. Don't cry. -Come on, come on, you're a toughie. You can take this. Don't cry. I'm not as tough as you think I am. -I'm not as tough as you think I am. Yes, you are. -Yes, you are. I'm not and he scares the shit out of me. I never know what he's gonna do. -I'm not and he scares the shit out of me. I never know what he's gonna do. Come on. Don't be scared. -Come on. Don't be scared. I need some help. I do. I need some help. You gotta help me. I need a new sponsor, Nicky. -I do. I need a new sponsor. Is that what you want? -Is that what you want? Yeah. -Yeah. A sponsor. -A sponsor. Yeah. -Yeah. Mm... okay. Don't worry about it. Nobody'll fuck with ya anymore. I'll take care of ya. -Mm... okay. Don't worry about it. Nobody'll fuck with ya anymore. I'll take care of ya. Nicky, please... -Nicky, please... Yes, I will. It's what you want, isn't it? Huh? -Yes, I will. It's what you want, isn't it? Huh? Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's what you want? -It's what you want? Yeah. Uh-huh - -What did I tell you? Supposing he goes back home and makes a fuckin' beef? I gotta know exactly what you said. Tell me what you said to him. Me? I said... nothin'. I said, I said, 'No, no, no.' Everything he said, I just kept sayin' no. -Me? I said... nothin'. I said, I said, 'No, no, no.' Everything he said, I just kept sayin' no. I told you this was fuckin' dangerous. Remember I said, 'Ginger, this is a dangerous situation. Be very careful.' You fuckin' yessed me to death. -I told you this was fuckin' dangerous. Remember I said, 'Ginger, this is a dangerous situation. Be very careful.' You fuckin' yessed me to death. If it's so fuckin' dangerous, then why don't you kill him? -If it's so fuckin' dangerous, then why don't you kill him? I'm not gonna kill him. Shut the fuck up. What, do you know what you're talkin' about? I'm not killing anyb- -I'm not gonna kill him. Shut the fuck up. What, do you know what you're talkin' about? I'm not killing anyb- Oh, well, then, have him killed and get it over with. -Oh, well, then, have him killed and get it over with. Hey, don't be such a fuckin' smartass, will you? I mean, I know the fuckin' guy thirty-five years, I'm gonna fuckin' whack him for you? Fuck... motherfucker! I knew this, I knew it. -Hey, don't be such a fuckin' smartass, will you? I mean, I know the fuckin' guy thirty-five years, I'm gonna fuckin' whack him for you? Fuck... motherfucker! I knew this, I knew it. What about my money? -What about my money? How the fuck am I gonna get your fuckin' money now? You think he's gonna give you fuckin' money? Are you out of your mind?! Look what you just did to this fuckin' guy! If you would have just kept your fuckin' mouth shut! Ah, what the fuck is the use? I should've never got invol- -Ah, you fuck! You're such a fuckin' asshole! Get the fuck out of here. Get out! Get the fuck out! -Get the fuck out of here. I don't need you! I have my own fuckin' money! -I don't need you! I have my own fuckin' money! All right, all right. -I'm going' to the FBI! I'm not scared anymore! All right. Be careful. -All right. Be careful. You fucked with me for the last time! -You fucked with me for the last time! Okay, yeah. -So, what'd you say to that fuckin' jerk anyway? I told him I was Mrs Sam Rothstein. -I told him I was Mrs Sam Rothstein. Well, you might as well get somethin' out of it. -Great. You know, I've got to do some shopping afterwards. Do you want to go? -You know, I've got to do some shopping afterwards. Do you want to go? Well, you know... -...same outfit. But I saw something... -Yes! Thank you. Very nice. -Thank you. Very nice. I told you I was hot tonight. -I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. -Thank you, sir, I appreciate that. Everybody, thanks. Gives some chips as tips to the dealer and box man. Thanks. Take care, Steve. Take chances and drive fast. Ginger, honey. -Come on. What's the matter? -What's the matter? What do you mean, 'What's the matter?' I made a lot of money for you. I want my cut. -What do you mean, 'What's the matter?' I made a lot of money for you. I want my cut. What money? I've seen you stealing from me. -What money? I've seen you stealing from me. What money? Look at this stack of chips. Don't give me that shit. I want my end. -What money? Look at this stack of chips. Don't give me that shit. I want my end. Ginger, I've been watching you all night. You've been stealing from me. -Ginger, I've been watching you all night. You've been stealing from me. Don't give me that shit. I want my money. -Don't give me that shit. I want my money. That bag's full of fuckin' chips you -That bag's full of fuckin' chips you What do you mean 'stole'? I didn't steal anything from you. -Get lost, Ginger! Get lost! Get lost? -Get lost? Yes. -Yes. Get lost? -Get lost? Yes. -Well, how 'bout that? Come on! -All right. Okay? -Okay? Yeah. -Yeah. Where are you goin'? Where are you? You're in that place. Where are you? -Where are you goin'? Where are you? You're in that place. Where are you? I'm here. -I'm here. No, you're not. Where are you? Where are you? -No, you're not. Where are you? Where are you? I'm always here for you. -I'm always here for you. You are. -You are. I am. -Don't make me come there. Answer me. I love you. -Bub-ut, baby, do you know that I love you too? No, Lester. -No, Lester. Do you know that? -Do you know that? Yeah. This is the best thing I can do for my life right now. -Yeah. This is the best thing I can do for my life right now. That's right. -So, it's gonna be okay, isn't it? Promise? -Promise? God... I wish you... -...all the luck in the world. You do? -You do? Yeah, I do. I mean, it's - it's the - it's the best thing you can do right now. I mean this. And you'll have real security. Sweetheart... you're gonna be situated just right in Vegas. -- with stupid braces on your teeth. Okay, then. -Okay, then. Every time I ever see you, that's what I see. -Every time I ever see you, that's what I see. Uh, talk to you later. Bye. -What does that mean? No, I know that look. What does that mean? It means I got the money. -It means I got the money. You got money. That's a - That's a good look. -We'll go later. We're going to Europe. Let the adults talk. You dye your hair... you get plastic surgery, like we talked about. Right? You're the mother. How much do you think he's gonna pay to get this fuckin' kid back? -Don't give me any of your shit! Okay, this has always been a dream, but we're going. Lester - he called you here. -Lester - he called you here. Right. -Right. Here. -Here. He was just on the phone. -He was just on the phone. He called you right here. -He called you right here. I just talked to him. -I just talked to him. So, he knows where you are. That means he's sending some guys over here probably right now. -So, he knows where you are. That means he's sending some guys over here probably right now. Ginger... It means he's sitting by the phone like a dumb-bell, waiting for me to call him back. Now, I - -Ginger... It means he's sitting by the phone like a dumb-bell, waiting for me to call him back. Now, I - That's - Yeah, he's sitting by the phone like a dumb-bell, just waiting for you to call him back. That's what he's - -That's - Yeah, he's sitting by the phone like a dumb-bell, just waiting for you to call him back. That's what he's - He's sittin' by the phone - -He's sittin' by the phone - What do you think we're gonna do? He's probably got guys outside the fuckin' house! -What do you think we're gonna do? He's probably got guys outside the fuckin' house! Get your bag! Come on, get your bag! Get your things! Let's go! -Get your bag! Come on, get your bag! Get your things! Let's go! It's this bullshit. It's just bullshit right here. This is the fuckin' problem, you know. -It's this bullshit. It's just bullshit right here. This is the fuckin' problem, you know. Oh, what bullshit? What, do you want to fuckin' talk it over now? -Oh, what bullshit? What, do you want to fuckin' talk it over now? You're done yakkin', okay? You're done yakkin' now? -You're done yakkin', okay? You're done yakkin' now? Go! Go! Get in the car! Go! -Go! Go! Get in the car! Go! 'Go! Go! Go!' -Just knock it off! Would you two knock it off? Get in the car. She started it. She started the whole thing. I'm just standin' here. -You're not gonna drive. Don't even think you're gonna drive. No, I'm gonna drive. -No, I'm gonna drive. No, I'm not gonna drive with some crazy - -No, I'm not gonna drive with some crazy - You're driving me nuts! -- back to Nigeria. Yeah. Listen... -Listen... ...they're in Penthouse K. -...they're in Penthouse K. They check in alone? -They check in alone? They checked in alone. -They checked in alone. Are they out now? -Are they out now? Yes, don't worry. -Yes, don't worry. All right. -Excuse me, but I folded these things beautifully and I would appreciate a little respect. Jesus Christ! Don't look at me, pal. I gotta live with her. -There's more! I think that's it. -I think that's it. There's more! There's a couple stuck in there. I know there's more. -There's more! There's a couple stuck in there. I know there's more. God, I'm telling you, they're out! -God, I'm telling you, they're out! Come on, damn it. Don't get so defensive. It could be stuck in your hair, you know. -Look, there aren't... There aren't but... Oh, there aren't? What's that? Huh? What's that. There's no more. Thanks, hon. -Hey, how you doin'? Hey. Hey, Sammy, how are you? -Wow. Boy, look at this place, huh? -Boy, look at this place, huh? Incredible. -Incredible. All right. -How many of these you gonna eat, huh? Two. -Two. Two? -Mm-hm. You know why, right? -You know why, right? Yeah. -Yeah. Why? -Why? 'Cause it clogs up your heart. -'Cause it clogs up your heart. What a smart kid you are! Okay, eat. -Well, how come I laid nine? 'Cause you're a jag-off. I would have fuckin' made you lay ten... -Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it, hold it. Here. -Ace saw Vegas one way. You call this guy and tell him I'm comin'? -You call this guy and tell him I'm comin'? Of course. -Smarten up. You jag-off. -...you big fuckin' hick, you. Come here. Come here. Get him up. Come here. Get up. -Get up. Come here, come here. -Come here, come here. Get up. -Get up. You go over there right now and you apologize. You better hope he lets you back in. -Sometimes I used to go along on a heist just for the fun of it. But I didn't like the people I was rippin' off lookin' at me, so I used to turn their fuckin' pictures around. What's takin' so long over there? -What's takin' so long over there? This peter's a motherfucker. -Whenever we got local merch, we'd usually send it to Palm Spring or Arizona... LA. I had a couple of sand niggers out there. You know, Arabs. What, are you gonna have a fuckin' meeting here, or are you gonna buy some diamonds? -I actually turned my bedroom into a bank vault where I kept the choice stuff. She asleep? -She asleep? Every night, on the couch. -Give all the guys in your crew a piece of that? I took care of everybody. -I took care of everybody. Yeah? -You walk past me? Hey. This is Shelly. -Hey. This is Shelly. Hey, Shelly. -And this is Stacy. Stacy. -Stacy. This is Nick. -This is Nick. Pleasure. -...Remo and the guys used to hang out and count their millions. Remo. -I mean, the cops knew, but they didn't give a fuck. I mean, you know, they all worked it out together. Nicky sends his warmest regards. -Fine. Everything's goin' good. ...to a tee. Like the time Tony Dogs... -Yeah, thanks a lot. But he never talked. -...bosses. I mean, they're smokin' their Di Nobilis and they're eatin' a trippa [Italian-American slang for 'tripe'.] and fuckin' suffritt', you know, fried pigs guts? While, if I wanna talk private, I gotta go to a fuckin' bus stop. But, hey, what do they care, as long as I keep sendin' money back. -But, hey, what do they care, as long as I keep sendin' money back. Yeah, but they're complaining. -Yeah, but they're complaining. Let 'em complain. I'm the one who's here. -I do all the work. Somebody don't like it, fuck him. It's up to you. -It's up to you. They want a fuckin' war, I'm ready. -Mm. Fuckin' Jews stick together, don't they? -Fuckin' Jews stick together, don't they? They're havin' a good time too. -They're havin' a good time too. So are we. -He's here. You should pay as fast as you collect, you know. -Sue me, you Jew fuck! Let's get out of here. -Let's get out of here. What? Get out of here? I got a marker comin'. -You must have drunk too much. Go fuck yourself. -He asked me again about you and the Jew's wife. Walk, walk, walk. What'd you say? -Walk, walk, walk. What'd you say? He asked me again about you and the Jew's wife. -He asked me again about you and the Jew's wife. Yeah, what'd you tell him? -Yeah, what'd you tell him? I told him I didn't know nothin'. But Jiggs and, uh, Tony Gorilla said if you did anything, you're fucked up. -I told him I didn't know nothin'. But Jiggs and, uh, Tony Gorilla said if you did anything, you're fucked up. You think he's goin' home, makin' a beef behind my back? -You think he's goin' home, makin' a beef behind my back? Nah. You would've heard somethin'. -Nah. You would've heard somethin'. Yeah, what's to stop him? -Yeah, what's to stop him? I know. I know. -I know. I know. I don't trust him anymore. But they'd never okay anything, you know? -I don't trust him anymore. But they'd never okay anything, you know? Yeah, but they keep askin' about it. -Yeah, but they keep askin' about it. Well, now, sure they're askin'. They earn with the prick. I got a funny feelin' he's gonna start a fuckin' war or somethin'. I'm not sure yet, you know. But I w- You know, but you know what I want you to do? -Well, now, sure they're askin'. They earn with the prick. I got a funny feelin' he's gonna start a fuckin' war or somethin'. I'm not sure yet, you know. But I w- You know, but you know what I want you to do? What? -Who's this guy? Who's this guy? Oh, he ain't nobody. -Oh, he ain't nobody. You know what I want you to do? Get a couple of guys to dig a hole in the desert, then let 'em show you where it's at. -You know what I want you to do? Get a couple of guys to dig a hole in the desert, then let 'em show you where it's at. Angelo and Buster. -Angelo and Buster. Yeah, but I'm not sure yet. -Yeah, but I'm not sure yet. They'll do it. -They'll do it. And when I'm ready, I'll say the words, 'Go see the Jew.' -And when I'm ready, I'll say the words, 'Go see the Jew.' Yeah. -Yeah. And you make it disappear, you know what I mean? -And you make it disappear, you know what I mean? Yeah, just let me know. But you gotta be ready. You know what I'm talkin' about? -Yeah, just let me know. But you gotta be ready. You know what I'm talkin' about? Did I say to do anything yet? I said I'm not sure... I'll let you know. I want to think about it. Where're these pricks at? -Don't know. Dominick said they're in the motel? -Dominick said they're in the motel? Yeah, either that or in the fuckin' bank. I don't know. They're all over the joint. -Calm down, calm down. Shh! Shh. Hide her car in the back! -Whoa. Calm down. Get out. Get out! Get out! -Get out. Get out! Get out! Take it easy! -Take it easy! Why'd I get involved with this fuckin' nut in the first place? Get out! -Why'd I get involved with this fuckin' nut in the first place? Get out! You're gonna fuckin' kill her. Take it easy. -You're gonna fuckin' kill her. Take it easy. Get her the fuck out of here. Get her out of here. -I fucked up, Frankie. I fucked up good this time. Should have never started with this fuckin' broad. Take it easy. What could you do? I mean, she threw herself at you, right? -Take it easy. What could you do? I mean, she threw herself at you, right? I'm in a bad fuckin' spot here. You know that? Bad fuckin' spot. -Frankie! No more! You see? Watch! -Frankie! Frankie, you piece of shit! Fuck you, you motherfuck! -No more fuckin' dirty work! No, no, no, no! -No, no, no, no! Take him out! Take this motherfucker out! -Listen to me, Anthony. I got your head in a fuckin' vise. I'm gonna squash your fuckin' head like a grapefruit if you don't give me a name. Don't make me have to do this, please. Come on. Don't make me be a bad guy. Come on. Fuck you! -Fuck you! This motherfucker, do you believe this? Two fuckin' days and nights! Fuck me? -Oh, God! Give me the fuckin' name! Ch-Charlie M! -Ch-Charlie M! Charlie M? -Charlie M? Charlie M. -Charlie M. Charlie M? You make me pop your fuckin' eye out of your head to protect that piece of shit? Charlie M? You dumb motherfucker! -Charlie M? You make me pop your fuckin' eye out of your head to protect that piece of shit? Charlie M? You dumb motherfucker! Kill me, you fuck, kill me. -Kill me, you fuck, kill me. Kill you, You motherfucker you! Frankie, do him a fuckin' favor. -Tony. Hey. -Hey. How you doin'? -How you doin'? How you doin'? -How you doin'? All right, yeah. You got that thing for me? -All right, yeah. You got that thing for me? What thing? Oh, Nicky... I thought you was layin'. -What thing? Oh, Nicky... I thought you was layin'. I was layin'? No, no, I'm taking it. I was takin' it. -I was layin'? No, no, I'm taking it. I was takin' it. You sure? -You sure? I'm positive. -I'm positive. Well, I'm a little confused here. -Well, I'm a little confused here. You're a little confused? -You're a little confused? Yeah. -Yeah. Maybe if I stick your fuckin' face through this window over here like, you know, you'll - you'll get unconfused. Give me the fuckin' money! -I'm sorry, Nicky. I didn't mean anything by it. Yeah, I know, that's why you had it ready. You thought I was fuckin' layin' it?! -My fuckin' head. Your fuckin' head, huh? Don't fuck around, Tony. -Pardon me, counselor. Before you continue... No, I want to have this marked, Mr. - -No, I want to have this marked, Mr. - ...this, uh, this Commission is prepared to act on a motion denying the Rothstein application. -...this, uh, this Commission is prepared to act on a motion denying the Rothstein application. Denying? -Denying? Do I hear a motion seconded? -Do I hear a motion seconded? Mr. Chairman - -Hey! Oh! Oh, sorry - -Oh, sorry - What's the matter with you? -What's the matter with you? Receipts and bills and... everything's here. -Receipts and bills and... everything's here. Since when do you talk like that? -Since when do you talk like that? I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. There's a lot of people here. -There's a lot of people here. Nance gives me trouble and I'll tell him... screw around with those suitcases and I'll take the eyes out of his frickin' head. -Nance gives me trouble and I'll tell him... screw around with those suitcases and I'll take the eyes out of his frickin' head. Again! -Again! I didn't curse. I said 'frickin' head'. -I didn't curse. I said 'frickin' head'. That's enough. -That's enough. I'm sorry. -I've never trusted him. And you know I got eyes... ...behind my head. They trust that scumbag, I don't. Right now, the way I feel, I'll hit the two of them in the head with a fuckin' shovel. -...behind my head. They trust that scumbag, I don't. Right now, the way I feel, I'll hit the two of them in the head with a fuckin' shovel. All right, take it easy now, take it easy. -All right, take it easy now, take it easy. Mom, I'm sorry, they're beatin' me left and right. Ma, I'm sorry. I'm all upset. -Mom, I'm sorry, they're beatin' me left and right. Ma, I'm sorry. I'm all upset. I know, but that's enough. -I know, but that's enough. You know - You know - You know what they're doin' to me? -You know - You know - You know what they're doin' to me? I know it, I know it. -I know it, I know it. I can't take this no more. Back and forth, back and forth. -I can't take this no more. Back and forth, back and forth. Take it easy, though. -Take it easy, though. All right, all right. But I - I - -All right, all right. But I - I - You'll get a heart attack like that. -You'll get a heart attack like that. You know, I - I'm too upset right now. And - An end has to be put to this. -...everything's comin' out of my pocket. I gotta pay for all these trips back and forth, back and forth. You are right. What can I... -...done right, you gotta do it yourself. Then do it the way you want. -Hiya. That's a lot of money to be counting out in public. Yeah. -Yeah. Why don't I take him over to the office and verify it, huh? -Hi. Having a good time? -Yes, uh... You'll want to count the money in privacy. You know, you don't need... -You'll want to count the money in privacy. You know, you don't need... Uh, I have a plane to catch to Cleveland... Can I get my winnings? -Hey, Hot Stuff. You're still on the clock... Sorry, sir. The Cult is my life and my life is the Cult. By God, Captain God, I shall not fail you.. -The crowd bought it. Crowd always buys it. What do we got? -Do I have to remind everyone that in two days, we'll all be dead. The Cult of Good will be a memory. I don't want to hear about lawsuits or cereals. We have a secret mission... I still have to call my agent--my techno-single just made the hot 100...what's with the phone? -I still have to call my agent--my techno-single just made the hot 100...what's with the phone? You have to dial nine first. -Oh Man, not the sewer, I just had this cape cleaned... It's okay. Let her go. -Have we reached the epi-center? Ayy! Some cat's blocking the periscope. Somebody, give it a swat... -Works for me. I don't know about you, guys, but I'm getting a little buzz off this. -I'm not going to worry about it. We are quite beyond the computer disc. Everything will be over within the next hour or so. Yew'll be ovah in the naxt tehn minutes... -Yew'll be ovah in the naxt tehn minutes... Adonis, be polite. She's a friend. -Cactus, I can't believe you just said all that... Oops--my face must match my cape. And to think we were going to let you go... -I thought we were going to take it easy until the Mission... This looks promising... -Ah, Cats. Now and Forever. Be verwy, verwy, quiet; I'm hunting Catwomen. -You know, nobody likes you... Yeah, all those women who went feline this afternoon...They're so ashamed now.. -He likes you. Kincaid and I have always had similar tastes... In women? -In women? No, in art. I try not bring up women around Kincaid. It's a sore spot between us. Long story.. -No, in art. I try not bring up women around Kincaid. It's a sore spot between us. Long story.. I'll bet. Funny, for some reason, I don't think dogs are supposed to like me. -I'll bet. Funny, for some reason, I don't think dogs are supposed to like me. You say that like an amnesia victim. -You say that like an amnesia victim. Guilty. I am. -Guilty. I am. Ouch. I hope you're not offended by aggressively curious men. -Ouch. I hope you're not offended by aggressively curious men. I don't know. I can't remember. -Strange--you seemed so close. I wonder what's happened since yesterday.. I wonder.. -What's the matter... Nothing, just a jolt of deja-vu. I think I went out with a guy with a dignified British butler--can't remember how it turned out.. -Nothing, just a jolt of deja-vu. I think I went out with a guy with a dignified British butler--can't remember how it turned out.. "I'll bet the butler's name wasn't ""Jeff.""" -"I'll bet the butler's name wasn't ""Jeff.""" You're probably right. -You're probably right. I was wondering, if you're not doing anything tonight...Would you like to go to dinner? I know; a tame suggestion considering the wide variety of miniature golf possibilities available to the Oasisburg citizen--but nevertheless, would you? -How heroic of you... Kincaid got a little frisky last night...So, meet here at eight and go from there? By the way, I'm Brock Leviathan. -Kincaid got a little frisky last night...So, meet here at eight and go from there? By the way, I'm Brock Leviathan. But of course you are. Dinner at Eight. Wouldn't miss it. -But of course you are. Dinner at Eight. Wouldn't miss it. There's a nice cafe down the street...unless you're afraid of this Catwoman prowling around. We can always dine at the mansion, if.. -There's a nice cafe down the street...unless you're afraid of this Catwoman prowling around. We can always dine at the mansion, if.. I'm not afraid. Are you? -You designed Gotham Plaza? The big silver guys pulling on those big silver things... What did you think? -What did you think? Oh, it's superb--I mean if you like that fascist nightmare kind of thing... -Oh, it's superb--I mean if you like that fascist nightmare kind of thing... Hey, hey, the client comes first. You think I want my future children to know their Daddy created Frank's Fun Palace? -Hey, hey, the client comes first. You think I want my future children to know their Daddy created Frank's Fun Palace? I checked out your stuff at the library. Awesome work, really. Why would someone like you want to go out with a...with a..what exactly am I, again? -I checked out your stuff at the library. Awesome work, really. Why would someone like you want to go out with a...with a..what exactly am I, again? You're very special. Selina, I'm not a very good liar. I feel very strongly about you...forgive me use of architecture metaphors, but I instantly know a good foundation when I see one.. -I despise these kind of winds. Sorry, I guess I'm a little on edge. Seems this Catwoman has everyone, men and women, on edge. Don't you feel Catwoman says something about the duality of all men and women... "Stop. We are not having a ""duality"" conversation. ""Ooh, he has a secret side. Ooh, she has a dark side."" Please. Duality is a joke. You get one, do you understand me? You get one life. One shot. I'm so tired of women saying ""I have an inner strength"" or ""Deep down, I'm really ambitious."" ""One day I'll design my own line of clothing and write children's stories, if I can only remember to return the videos I rented last night."" If you are something, then you better be out there doing something. You need to be the same bold thing in the day that you are at night--with maybe a slight clothing change. There is no gray area. The truth is not somewhere in between. There are two sides to every personality, all right--the reality...and the lie. We are not having a ""duality"" conversation." -"Stop. We are not having a ""duality"" conversation. ""Ooh, he has a secret side. Ooh, she has a dark side."" Please. Duality is a joke. You get one, do you understand me? You get one life. One shot. I'm so tired of women saying ""I have an inner strength"" or ""Deep down, I'm really ambitious."" ""One day I'll design my own line of clothing and write children's stories, if I can only remember to return the videos I rented last night."" If you are something, then you better be out there doing something. You need to be the same bold thing in the day that you are at night--with maybe a slight clothing change. There is no gray area. The truth is not somewhere in between. There are two sides to every personality, all right--the reality...and the lie. We are not having a ""duality"" conversation." "So, did you see ""Seinfeld"" last week? That Kramer-guy really makes me laugh." -I'm sorry I went off like that, I get passionate. I--I guess I'm a passionate person. One of those things I had forgotten. When you were a little boy did you want to grow up to be a superhero? What little boy doesn't... My God...it's, it's...Catwoman. -What little boy doesn't... My God...it's, it's...Catwoman. No it's not. -A whip? Now that's going too far! Some of these women have no shame! What's the matter? What are you saying? -What's the matter? What are you saying? Well, it's just that I would think that the woman who is the real, non- imitation Catwoman would be pretty angry at some little amateur minx stealing the whole whip idea. Really angry. -This is insane. Let the heroes handle it. I'd better get you home...I should check on my warehouse to make sure it hasn't been hit... "Your warehouse? Go on ahead--to your ""warehouse."" I'll be okay..." -"Your warehouse? Go on ahead--to your ""warehouse."" I'll be okay..." Are you sure? -Are you sure? I'm sure. -"Selina, did you make it home, all right? I tried calling, but your mother said that there was ""no extension in the Hut."" Whatever that means.." "I got home fine. How's the ""warehouse.""" -"I got home fine. How's the ""warehouse.""" Fine. You're angry. Don't be. The important thing is we're together now.. -Fine. You're angry. Don't be. The important thing is we're together now.. At some sanctimonious celebration of condescension. Nothing like appeasing half the population with a two hour luncheon. -At some sanctimonious celebration of condescension. Nothing like appeasing half the population with a two hour luncheon. Exactly. I don't know what I'd do without you. -Exactly. I don't know what I'd do without you. Uh Brock, today you are without me... -Tonight, somewhere in the city, innocent people will die--but then one of you knows that; for one of you is a vicious pirate-terrorist posing as the beloved superhero Captain God. What did you say? Selina, sit down, the entire city is going crazy...You have to just calm down... -Hmm. Not bad. You're telling the truth. I can tell..How did this.. -No-o. You know, questions like that don't help your cause-- I still can't get over it. I still can't believe you're Catwoman.. -Quite a pair we make. Thank you, Jeff. A couple that battles the forces of evil together is a couple that stays together. Thank you, Jeff. -Oh now, you put up a good fight. Let's change the subject. Where do people who live in Oasisburg go to get away from it all? Somewhere very far away, very quiet, and very... This is all wonderful, Selina, but...But I'm afraid I can not rest until all my sister's killers are brought to justice...That one-armed monster.. -This ring belonged to my sister. I'd love for you to... It would be honor, Brock. Now let's go get this guy... -It would be honor, Brock. Now let's go get this guy... You're serious? You'd help me... -In many ways, that obnoxious creep Cactus was the worst one of all. He got off on giving out pain... We'll hunt him down together... -I thought you said you weren't a very good liar. I lied. -There you are darling...Have we met, Lewis Lane, Oasisburg Times. Oh, how long have you had your own route? -Oh, how long have you had your own route? Can I just say what a classy touch the neon urinals are, Mr. Architect? I just love risking electrocution every time I.. -Women, huh? They do take their time. So..Selina Kyle... -They do take their time. So..Selina Kyle... Selina Kyle...lovely person. -Selina Kyle...lovely person. She has a real spirit. -She has a real spirit. A bit on the suspicious side, don't you think? -A bit on the suspicious side, don't you think? She has reason to be suspicious..Doesn't she? -She has reason to be suspicious..Doesn't she? I suppose she does. -I better go report this in... Oh, you don't have to explain to me where you're going... -Selina, are you okay? Yes, did you call us here for any particular reason? -You're kidding. But it's true! You can call him yourself. -You're right, I wasn't looking to fall in love with a casino worker. I'd given up trying to find anyone. But there was a fire in your eyes that cut right through the air conditioning and through the coldness of my heart. Your uniform, that first time I saw you, was a ghastly cage I vowed to unlock in order to.. -We're waiting. Quiet, Blender Boy. I told you from the beginning, Selina, I'm not a very good liar. I am not Captain God, or whatever else he may be calling himself this month, but when I find out who is--The Man will pay. My sister died in that Museum attack. You can check the Atlanta obituaries. I've tracked these monsters from city to city, waiting for a time to exact my revenge. Why else would I come to Oasisburg and create the most obnoxious casino in the world? -Quiet, Blender Boy. I told you from the beginning, Selina, I'm not a very good liar. I am not Captain God, or whatever else he may be calling himself this month, but when I find out who is--The Man will pay. My sister died in that Museum attack. You can check the Atlanta obituaries. I've tracked these monsters from city to city, waiting for a time to exact my revenge. Why else would I come to Oasisburg and create the most obnoxious casino in the world? Did you ever think that maybe neither of us is Captain God? -I can. That's not an admission of guilt, It's just..I knew you had it in you... It may be time to get the police involved... -I've been looking for you. I've been looking for you. Selina Kyle was right. One of us is a psychotic crusader. -I've been looking for you. Selina Kyle was right. One of us is a psychotic crusader. But then we knew that all along, didn't we... -But then we knew that all along, didn't we... I guess we did. When you were a little boy, did you want to be a superhero? -I guess we did. When you were a little boy, did you want to be a superhero? What little boy doesn't? -You've lost all motor functions. The poison will kill you in ten minutes. Hey, speaking of Wrong Place, Wrong Time. Lewis Lane to the rescue! -Hey, speaking of Wrong Place, Wrong Time. Lewis Lane to the rescue! Priceless...We have a showdown in this alley, right? -Don't you feel so much better now that you know everything? Blink once for yes, twice for.. Boss, we better roll if we're going to hit this place, blow it up, and make that flight.. -Boss, we better roll if we're going to hit this place, blow it up, and make that flight.. Just hold on! I'm not done. There are two kinds of men in the world, Selina. In Category A, you have Me. In Category B is everyone who wants to be in Category A, but are too afraid, too weak..! -God, can you hear me! Wha-at? -Wha-at? Catwomen. Lots of them! -Catwomen. Lots of them! Oh come on, Cactus, be a man! The blimp is still on schedule, right? -I thought cats were supposed to have nine lives, not thirty one! What do you think you're doing? Winning. -Winning. What do you want from me? -What do you want from me? At this point, a nap. Oh by the way, I killed your butler and your dog.. -At this point, a nap. Oh by the way, I killed your butler and your dog.. My dog! -Oh Honey, it's so much better when we do it without the helmet. I've been thinking. I've been thinking about us. I'm sorry I've been so hard no you these past couple days. I realize now it's because you're the only woman who ever understood me and I couldn't handle it! I've never revealed myself to anyone the way I have to you. Let's blow this town together. We'll run a bed-and-breakfast in Vermont by day, and by night, we'll dress up and kill anything that... -I've been thinking. I've been thinking about us. I'm sorry I've been so hard no you these past couple days. I realize now it's because you're the only woman who ever understood me and I couldn't handle it! I've never revealed myself to anyone the way I have to you. Let's blow this town together. We'll run a bed-and-breakfast in Vermont by day, and by night, we'll dress up and kill anything that... Pass! -Pass! You were right all along--the two parts to a person are the reality and the lie. I was making good money as a top architect--but that's not who I am. I'm not an architect, I'm a.. -You were right all along--the two parts to a person are the reality and the lie. I was making good money as a top architect--but that's not who I am. I'm not an architect, I'm a.. I know, I know, a Warrior. You're very annoying..Now tell me how to defuse the bomb you've set.. -Will you please stop fighting? Just let those people die so we can get on with our new lives together! Trust me, one day we'll look back on this day and laugh. You got to admit, it's a lot more fun to be the villain. You might be right, but Fun is overrated. I need something real. -You might be right, but Fun is overrated. I need something real. Well then, let's agree to disagree...Now how about a picture for my scrapbook? -Don't you realize there's nothing you can do, anyway! Nine minutes and it's all over! The Fun Palace is a tomb. No one can get out. And choke on this furball: all doors and windows are blocked, locked, and electrified! Even the glass around the bomb is rigged. Even the skylight? -Even the skylight? "The ""skylight?"" Fool! It's too high for anybody to climb out the damn skylight..." -"The ""skylight?"" Fool! It's too high for anybody to climb out the damn skylight..." "What about ""climbing in?""" -The shopkeeper on 13th street won't drop the lawsuit--He still claims one of the lasers we fired at the Jenkins gang burned down his store.. I hate innocent bystanders. Whine, whine, whine. Will he settle? -"""Dat's gotta hurt!""" He didn't remember to roll up his window... -What's the catch? Ooh, I've read about this philly. She's the one who gave that wimp Batman all those migraines up in Gotham... -Not now, Mammoth. Adonis is right. We've had a good run here--the protection kickbacks from the crime syndicates, the merchandising scams-- Tomorrow night we have a big, violent, complicated and lucrative mission to pull off. We chould be resting up. Resting Up? Sorry Spooky, I've got to go with God on this one. I hate to think we're just in this for the money. Garfield's girlfriend crossed a line last night and she's got to get spayed. We're going out of Oasisburg on a win. -Yeah, this is better than rape. Cactus, sometimes you don't deserve to wear our logo. -Cactus, sometimes you don't deserve to wear our logo. Touchy. Look everybody, it's Casper, the friendly crimefighter... -"What a ""drag.""" """Well done,"" Cactus." -Cactus--shooting a man in the back is not very noble. That is not a man, Captain God. That is Vomit accidentally born with two legs. -That is not a man, Captain God. That is Vomit accidentally born with two legs. Well. I stand corrected. -"Boss-man, what were you going on about last night: ""I am the Law and I am the Danish...""" I don't know what I was saying. I totally phoned it in last night. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately... -Right time. That was kind of fun. She had spunk. Why am I still troubled... -I don't know, Boss, you saw what the big guy did to the last kitty we gave him. How could I forget. Mammoth--go pet the kitty. -God-damn.. What did you say? -What did you say? Sorry man, I didn't mean that personally... -Sorry man, I didn't mean that personally... I know how you feel, humiliated in the hands of a woman. I'd rather eat my soul on a paper plate... -Ah, did you hear that? Spooky loved you... Yeah...pretty gross. Hurry, we've got work to do. -Quite a little performance you gave in the casino today--for me and that other guy. Come on down, let's chat.. I got her... -Car wash, Captain? Absolutely. -"My, the Perpetrator seems to be a bit on the ""Wild"" side.." I'll put that in the report--after you shoot her. -Oh, I wish they wouldn't feed him like that. Now he'll be up all night... -Well, we spent enough time building the damn thing, might as well use it. A bit sadistic, don't you think, Captain...? -Well, you don't see that everyday. Somebody tell me what's the deal with Frida Kahlo here? Just a homeless woman. Wrong place. -You like them, don't you, Boss. Oh, I like her. I like her a lot. I want to save this one for later. Something that tasty you don't eat all at once. Go back to your alter- egos, we'll regroup in the morning. -The Tranquilizer Tranquility will hold for about an hour..where is she? These women are out here on a lark-- Ladies Night at a discotheque. It's not in their blood the way it is for Catwoman...Where is she? I hate it when you get like this. This Catwoman is becoming an obsession. I say we call it a night. Tomorrow is a big day for us... -I hate it when you get like this. This Catwoman is becoming an obsession. I say we call it a night. Tomorrow is a big day for us... What's the matter with you, Spooky, my most trusted comrade? We are warriors! These are the challenges we live for! -I want out of tonight's mission. I can't do it anymore, Captain. I can't let innocent people die to prove our superiority..I can't. Just like a woman. You want out. You're out. -Why are you--I fought for you with honor. Why should it matter if I'm a man or a woman, as long as I'm a good warrior. "Of course it matters! It throws off everything! ""Superhero"" is manhood's highest achievement. Manhood! Your dirty little secret has diseased us to the core. You were my buddy, my comrade-- women aren't buddies, women aren't warriors! You tried to turn the Cult of Good into some after-work softball team! It's time to get thrown from the treehouse..." -I loved you. I know. -You're not a super-hero. You're not even a hero. You're a scary, sick, fake who made a big mistake. You killed someone very special to me.. And...your point? -Hasn't anyone ever taught you that fighting violence with violence solves nothing. "It's a lot more fun than fighting violence with pamphlets. That voicebox of yours is a hoot. Say ""I'm wearing no underwear""--it'll be funny.. You do know you're evil, don't you?" -"It's a lot more fun than fighting violence with pamphlets. That voicebox of yours is a hoot. Say ""I'm wearing no underwear""--it'll be funny.. You do know you're evil, don't you?" A superhero's job is to protect society. Don't blame me if society is a horrible, corrupt joke. -A superhero's job is to protect society. Don't blame me if society is a horrible, corrupt joke. """A superhero's job is to protect.."" Sorry, I can't take you seriously...I overheard you say that tomorrow the Cult of Good will be dead--I should be so lucky--what did that mean?" -"""A superhero's job is to protect.."" Sorry, I can't take you seriously...I overheard you say that tomorrow the Cult of Good will be dead--I should be so lucky--what did that mean?" My, those little ears pick up a lot. The Cult of Good will die heroically preventing a world-class heist. Since we will be the ones performing the heist, our deaths will obviously be fake. But have no fear. There will be many other deaths tomorrow...and those will be quite real. I'm afraid these questions of yours put you in a position not unlike a long-tailed tabby in room full of rocking chairs. -My, those little ears pick up a lot. The Cult of Good will die heroically preventing a world-class heist. Since we will be the ones performing the heist, our deaths will obviously be fake. But have no fear. There will be many other deaths tomorrow...and those will be quite real. I'm afraid these questions of yours put you in a position not unlike a long-tailed tabby in room full of rocking chairs. Oh please, sir, one more. Are you the reporter or the architect? -Oh please, sir, one more. Are you the reporter or the architect? Yes. I am the reporter or the architect. You've been through so much..It looks like you've used up all nine of your lives... -Yes. I am the reporter or the architect. You've been through so much..It looks like you've used up all nine of your lives... I still have one left... -I still have one left... You think so?...Selina? -You think so?...Selina? You've seen me... -How can you say things with such feeling and then turn around and put on a helmet and...Who are you? Were you sitting on my right or my left at the card table? Tell me! Please tell me who you are; you own me that! "I know, I should probably tell you, but I just don't feel like it. To be honest, I'm really angry at you. I admired you so much more when you were purely wicked. I mean, look at you now, running around trying to ""get to the bottom"" of things. Trying to ""save the city."" It's true we're about to do a very nasty deed, but really, what's it to you? Since when do you care what happens to a bunch of pathetic Oasiburgians? You're just not yourself, anymore." -I'm supposed to be taking personality tips from you three? You people were once heroes. You had ideals. You fought for things. Spooky told me so... "Do you have any idea how much superheroes get paid? Zilcho. Urban vigilantes with secret identities operating outside the law. Not exactly the stuff of a W-2 form. If it wasn't for merchandising and corruption and these diabolical ""missions""...There is no such thing as heroes and villains, anymore, Selina. There are only winners and losers. You lost. We won." -Ah, the good guys always triumph in the end. It's what allows our children to sleep at night. You can't get away with.. -Spooky. Spear. -Hello, Spooky. I don't want to hurt you, Catwoman. Yet. After tomorrow, you can do anything you want, but please, just stay out of sight for the next 24 hours. I won't stand by and watch my leader get all emotional over an animal like you. I warn you, don't tempt Captain God when he is angry. Let is complete our mission in peace. -I don't want to hurt you, Catwoman. Yet. After tomorrow, you can do anything you want, but please, just stay out of sight for the next 24 hours. I won't stand by and watch my leader get all emotional over an animal like you. I warn you, don't tempt Captain God when he is angry. Let is complete our mission in peace. Whatever you say...Sis. -Can't you understand--I got tired of being a woman. I wanted the respect that only a cape, boots, chestplate, and a mechanical spear can bring.. You're not strong. You're scared..scared that someone like me will see right through you. Whatever the Cult of Good was, it's not anymore... You don't have to listen to me, just listen to you.. -I heard what you said, Spooky. I can't believe he shot you... Men, huh? -For when the time comes.. For when the..Uh, yeah, thanks, a little gold piece of...gold. Uh... -For when the..Uh, yeah, thanks, a little gold piece of...gold. Uh... And I...I..want you to know our secrets.. -"Oh no, not a computer disc. A computer disc? Oh man, come on, what do I look like? I'm not a crime- fighter, I'm not a detective, what, I'm supposed to find some ""clues"" on this disc. I can't..." The Mission is happening tonight..It's up to you to...to save the City... -The Mission is happening tonight..It's up to you to...to save the City... """Save the City?"" I don't want to save the city, I want to move! Listen, I'm sure the computer disc is pretty fascinating and I can't thank you enough for the little weird gold thingie, but.." -"""Save the City?"" I don't want to save the city, I want to move! Listen, I'm sure the computer disc is pretty fascinating and I can't thank you enough for the little weird gold thingie, but.." You know, my name's not Spooky. It's, it's Rachel. -You know, my name's not Spooky. It's, it's Rachel. Hello, Rachel. I'm Selina. -You Housewives have no idea what we go through! You Career girls have no idea what we go through. -You Career girls have no idea what we go through. "Did you just say ""girls?""" -I'm a good mother! "You mean, ""Consuela"" is a good mother.." -"You mean, ""Consuela"" is a good mother.." How did you know our nanny's name is...Lucky guess! -How did you know our nanny's name is...Lucky guess! What's the name of your child's best friend? -What's the name of your child's best friend? Ask me another one-- -You're late. I've got some good news and some good news. I'm giving you more hours and the new uniforms came in. What's the good news? -You know, Kyle, you're still pretty hot for a pre-Bicentennial babe... """Pre-bicentennial babe?""" -"""Pre-bicentennial babe?""" "Yeah, as in born before..Ooh, I suppose it's ""sexual harassment"" to give a woman a compliment. Sheesh. Come on, gentleman..." -"There you are, Selina. I've been thinking..I have some..""positions"" opening up.." Stop. -Stop. "Oh, what? I offer you a job in implied exchange for physical favors and suddenly it's ""sexual harassment...""" -"Oh, what? I offer you a job in implied exchange for physical favors and suddenly it's ""sexual harassment...""" Can I be frank, Frank? Your entire existence is sexual harassment. I accept there's not much you can do about it. -Hey, you're anti-male. Oh Frank, I'm not anti-male, I'm anti- you. Believe me, there's a difference. Kelly is designing new uniforms for next week. Pay her and thank her. And is it a rule that the hottest places on the planet have the coldest air conditioning. There's something out there called 73 degrees, look into it. -Oh Frank, I'm not anti-male, I'm anti- you. Believe me, there's a difference. Kelly is designing new uniforms for next week. Pay her and thank her. And is it a rule that the hottest places on the planet have the coldest air conditioning. There's something out there called 73 degrees, look into it. "What if I were to say ""You're Fired?""" -"What if I were to say ""You're Fired?""" "What if I were to say ""Your Wife""-- as in does she know of your touching mentor-student relationship with the post-Bicentennial babe working the roulette wheel?" -"What if I were to say ""Your Wife""-- as in does she know of your touching mentor-student relationship with the post-Bicentennial babe working the roulette wheel?" Kelly, get to work on those new uniforms. I'm not running a summer camp here.. -"A genuine woman of mystery in Oasisburg. Amnesia. Bulletholes in exposed stomach badly concealed with body make-up. Beautiful, intelligent eyes that have no business in ""Frank's Fun Palace"" or anybody else's Fun Palace for that matter.." "Uh. ""Thanks?""" -I don't know what came over me. What is it with women and Catwoman? Men have the courtesy to punish the weak, but women love punishing the strong. Don't get me wrong--this Catwoman is a terrifying, subversive menace to everything this community stands for and she must be stopped. It's just, I like her a lot. -What is it with women and Catwoman? Men have the courtesy to punish the weak, but women love punishing the strong. Don't get me wrong--this Catwoman is a terrifying, subversive menace to everything this community stands for and she must be stopped. It's just, I like her a lot. Yeah, she's okay. -Yeah, she's okay. Most articles focus on the first half of her name--describing some feline monster. I want the woman of Catwoman. After all, if it was a man dressed as a cat, the story would be on page 23--just another loony. Oh, I want this one. I want her bad.. -Sorry, I get carried away. Once I become interested in someone, I can't stop trying to figure them out...Amnesia victims are challenging.. I actually got some memory back last night. -I actually got some memory back last night. How much? -How much? Enough. -Enough. Oh now this one is mine... -Oh the hand--my grandfather is inventing a new kind of blender and..You know, I realize I've never officially introduced myself...I'm Lewis Lane. But of course you are. -But of course you are. I was wondering, if you're not doing anything tonight... -I was wondering, if you're not doing anything tonight... I am. Dinner with Brock Leviathan... -I am. Dinner with Brock Leviathan... Ah! Ah!--God no, don't tell me you're one of those women who are attracted to ruggedly handsome and brilliant architects.. -Good morning. Ah! You scared me! How did you know to come here! Have you been spying.. -Ah! You scared me! How did you know to come here! Have you been spying.. No, of course not. You're listed. Not the hut, exactly, but the rest of.. -No, of course not. You're listed. Not the hut, exactly, but the rest of.. Well. I'd let you come in, but the place is a mess... -Next time, call... I thought you'd like a ride to work. You don't own a cat, do you? -Hey, Captain God! What did--? -What did--? You turned around! -You turned around! "Yes, you shouted the words ""Captain God"" at me for no reason..." -"Yes, you shouted the words ""Captain God"" at me for no reason..." Oh, do you turn around every time somebody just shouts at you? -Oh, do you turn around every time somebody just shouts at you? Actually, yes. -Did you try to kill... What? -What? Nothing. How's your hand? -Nothing. How's your hand? About the same. Thanks for asking...Damn blender. Okay, I can't stand it anymore, I'm dying to know--Did you try on some whiskers last night and hit a 7-11 along with all those other women? You had to have thought about it--a Catwoman for a night? -About the same. Thanks for asking...Damn blender. Okay, I can't stand it anymore, I'm dying to know--Did you try on some whiskers last night and hit a 7-11 along with all those other women? You had to have thought about it--a Catwoman for a night? Like you don't know... -Like you don't know... I'm having a hard time picking up your signal this morning--What did you say? -I'm having a hard time picking up your signal this morning--What did you say? I said I saw you last night. What were you doing hiding in that alley, running off when the superhero alarm sounded... -I said I saw you last night. What were you doing hiding in that alley, running off when the superhero alarm sounded... "I was doing my job. At the risk of sounding egotistical, I didn't become the best reporter in the world sitting by the phone. I was chasing tail all night--I was not spying, intentionally, on your hot and heavy date with ""Brock Leviathan, architect."" I can't believe he ordered white wine. You do know white wine is not real wine..." -"I was doing my job. At the risk of sounding egotistical, I didn't become the best reporter in the world sitting by the phone. I was chasing tail all night--I was not spying, intentionally, on your hot and heavy date with ""Brock Leviathan, architect."" I can't believe he ordered white wine. You do know white wine is not real wine..." Hey, I thought... -"I'm afraid last night was the last straw of our city's tourists. The Mayor, in his finite wisdom, is throwing a ""Month of the Woman"" luncheon ball for the public this afternoon to try and calm everyone down. I thought maybe you and I could..." "Go together? Sure, why not? Another date with someone who could be an insane messenger of death for all I know. No offense. Hey, lean over, let me smell your breath..Say in a deep voice, ""A superhero's job is to protect...""" -"Go together? Sure, why not? Another date with someone who could be an insane messenger of death for all I know. No offense. Hey, lean over, let me smell your breath..Say in a deep voice, ""A superhero's job is to protect...""" You're scaring me, Selina. Do it some more. -I give up. I give up.--I can't figure you out. Not gonna try. You can't figure me out. You're the strange one.. -You can't figure me out. You're the strange one.. You are... -You are... Uh-huh.. -Hey, architect--she's joking. Right, Selina? Selina? I'm not through. This will come as a shock. Again, to one of you. I am Catwoman. The Catwoman. -Some reporter I am..all this time my story is right there in front..I have a lot of questions. "Fine, fine, at a later date, I'll be more than happy to talk about my perverse psychological complexities with the one who's not the creep. But for now, I'm drilling inside your brains...I bring up the whole Catwoman thing for one reason. I bit Captain God in the hand and the next day you both show up equipped with big bandaids and wobbly excuses-- ""My grandfather is inventing a new kind of blender..""" -"Lose the smile, Mr. Good Reflexes. We were having a pretty okay time the other night--good food, good conversation--some Catwomen show up and it's ""You need cab fare?; I got to go to my Hideout--Oh, I'm sorry, I mean ""warehouse.""" Not too cool... -Not too cool... Then there's you, Louis, sneaking through back alleys and surprise visiting me at my home..Both of you have been way too frisky from the get- go. I'm actually a pretty amazing person--funny, smart, attractive when I get my sleep--but you two had no way of knowing that-- when I met you both I was basically a morose, depressed amnesiac incapable of any human feeling. The only reason one of you wanted to go out with me is because you knew I was Catwoman. -You know, now that I hear myself tell it, I'm thinking maybe both of you are messing with me. What, you get the Helmet Monday through Thursday, then Brock takes it for the weekend... Okay. Let's get serious. Of course I know the Cult of Good is not good. Ever since I saw what they did in Atlanta, it has been my mission to expose them. I've followed them to Oasisburg and soon will have enough hard evidence to bring them to real justice. That computer disc could be the final piece to the puzzle. This isn't just a story, Selina--another damn Pulitzer--this is my life. -Have you seen the Oasisburg Police? They drive golf carts with little red sirens. We have to do something. What can we do to help, Selina? -We have to do something. What can we do to help, Selina? I'll let you know. -I'm sorry, ma'am, there are no pets allowed in the library... But I'm blind. -But I'm blind. It's seeing-eye dogs, ma'am. If I let the cat stay, will you go out with me? -It's seeing-eye dogs, ma'am. If I let the cat stay, will you go out with me? What if I say I'll go out with you, so you can have all these great daydreams, but then never actually talk to you again? -What if I say I'll go out with you, so you can have all these great daydreams, but then never actually talk to you again? Okay, deal. -Okay, deal. """I'll go out with you."" Now go get me these old newspapers..." -You're late. Yes, Mother. Dear. -A hearty breakfast is the start of a great morning... Oh, I forgot to tell you, you're on a diet...The fact you're still reasonably pretty is the one thing you got going for you. -Oh, I forgot to tell you, you're on a diet...The fact you're still reasonably pretty is the one thing you got going for you. Oh Mommy, you're embarrassing me. -Oh Mommy, you're embarrassing me. "Is every single thing out of your mouth since your ""accident"" have to be a monotone mumble of cheap sarcasm?" -"Is every single thing out of your mouth since your ""accident"" have to be a monotone mumble of cheap sarcasm?" Maybe. -Maybe. "It's funny, I've heard of giving up finding a man and raising a family to pursue a career. And I've heard of foregoing a career to start a family-- but I think you're onto something new, Selina. ""Absolutely nothing""-- Has a ring to it. I think it could catch on...How's that for sarcasm?" -"It's funny, I've heard of giving up finding a man and raising a family to pursue a career. And I've heard of foregoing a career to start a family-- but I think you're onto something new, Selina. ""Absolutely nothing""-- Has a ring to it. I think it could catch on...How's that for sarcasm?" Pretty good...Mom, I don't want you to think I don't appreciate...letting me stay, getting me the job--I've been a mess. I'm still a mess. It's just...we have to start having a different conversation. I can't take.. -I'll take your abuse, but it's way too early for the sanctimonious Cult of Gag... Oh, so now even the keepers of the city don't meet your standards...You're late. -Don't sneak up on me... Uh, it's just--that woman out there-- that horrible Hag. She's the one who keeps following me on her creepy little scooter--And now she's built a hut in the back..Why did you... -Uh, it's just--that woman out there-- that horrible Hag. She's the one who keeps following me on her creepy little scooter--And now she's built a hut in the back..Why did you... "Because she asked me--and I couldn't very well turn her down. Don't you remember-- of course you don't remember--that ""Hag"" is the one who brought you to that hospital in Gotham City. For what it's worth-- currently not much--we owe her your life...When I think about a single woman in Gotham City--amnesia is probably the best thing that could happen to a girl like you...Oh, don't forget your visor." -Where were you last night? I didn't hear you come in. It's because I didn't come in. I live in the Hut, now. I meant to tell you..See ya. -Mom? Oh Mom, I messed up... "What kind of name is ""Brock Leviathan?""" -"What kind of name is ""Brock Leviathan?""" I never thanked you..the arrow..the motorcycle..the computer disc..You're so different from what I..and so the same. -I never thanked you..the arrow..the motorcycle..the computer disc..You're so different from what I..and so the same. Yes, I'm pretty amazing. You should see this...It came this evening. -They're going to attack Frank's Fun Palace! I hate it when you let your hair just hang like that...you have such pretty eyes... -I hate it when you let your hair just hang like that...you have such pretty eyes... Mom, not now! I, I don't know what to do.. -Mom, not now! I, I don't know what to do.. Yes, you do. You have to go rescue all those people... -Yes, you do. You have to go rescue all those people... But I'm not a hero. I'm nobody's heroine..I'm nothing. You've said so yourself many times. -But I'm not a hero. I'm nobody's heroine..I'm nothing. You've said so yourself many times. Do you always listen to what your mother says? Selina. Something you choose your life. Sometimes your life chooses you. Save the day.. -Do you always listen to what your mother says? Selina. Something you choose your life. Sometimes your life chooses you. Save the day.. I don't know if I can do it alone. -I don't know if I can do it alone. Trust me, you won't have to. -What's a powerful man like you standing all alone for? Dance with me? I'm sorry, Miss, one of us needs to keep surveillance... -I'm sorry, Miss, one of us needs to keep surveillance... Oh pooh, come now. If you turn me down, I just might throw a fit..you know how us girls can be.. -What's it like being a superhero? It must be frightfully exciting..How did you guys all get together? We met on the Internet. The Captain put out a cryptic message calling for a new order of crimefighters. We don't even know each other's true identities... -You seem sad, Spooky. I'm not sad, no, I owe the Captain my life. It's just you think you want to help prevent crime, but you realize that's too complicated. It's a lot more fun to punish crime. Then after a while, you don't care what's a crime and what's not, what you became a Warrior for. You just want the kicks. The rush. -I'm not sad, no, I owe the Captain my life. It's just you think you want to help prevent crime, but you realize that's too complicated. It's a lot more fun to punish crime. Then after a while, you don't care what's a crime and what's not, what you became a Warrior for. You just want the kicks. The rush. The kicks..the rush..you mean, like pulling heists..faking your own deaths..killing innocent bystanders...like Mexican angels. I know you're a woman. Do you? -You're the One. I thought I told you to stay hidden behind the couch, CAT! You've torn the unit apart. You've driven a great leader insane... You going to talk all day? -Nice breasts. Thanks. -Hey Buddy! Can you let me pull over? Give me some space to pull over. Where do you think you're going? -Where do you think you're going? Any place. -Any place. This is one way. -This is one way. I know. But it's an emergency. Somebody dying. Okay? -I know. But it's an emergency. Somebody dying. Okay? I don't see anybody in there but you. -I don't see anybody in there but you. I would appreciate a little space. Thank you. -Was someone in an accident? Do I hear a woman's voice? -I'm sorry for whatever's happened to you but we're definitely not the right people to do you any good. Don't you have children? -Don't you have children? Matter of fact I did have a kid once. But he's a lot better off with his father in Milwaukee. -What are you doing on Theo's line? Taking messages. -Taking messages. He ran out on me to be with you? Well fuck him! Everything worked twice as good without him. We didn't need him then and I don't need him now. -He ran out on me to be with you? Well fuck him! Everything worked twice as good without him. We didn't need him then and I don't need him now. I'm sure he'll be heartbroken. -I'm sure he'll be heartbroken. I know he's there! He doesn't even have the balls to pick up the phone! -I know he's there! He doesn't even have the balls to pick up the phone! I won't let him. He belongs to me now. Bye, sweetie. -Be careful. There were people in that crosswalk. That's all we need. Better let me drive. -Have you got to tell her your life story? This is my conversation. I'll say what I fucking please. -This is my conversation. I'll say what I fucking please. Wake up. Make a right at Ocean Avenue. The hotel's a few blocks up on the left. -What if they do question the authenticity? Oh. Seems yours girlfriend is casting doubts on your expertise. -Oh. Seems yours girlfriend is casting doubts on your expertise. I am not! Fuck you! Theo's a genius. -I am not! Fuck you! Theo's a genius. Any trouble, we whip out our Treasury Department badges -- show them the wire I'm wearing and read them their rights. Theo seizes the Krugerands as evidence. Naturally they start negotiating. Offer to give us up somebody else. And we listen. Take notes on who bought what stolen art and tell them we have to clear it with our superiors at Justice. We pick up their passports -- escort them to their room and leave them all in the bathroom handcuffed to the plumbing. -Who's on the phone? I'll explain later. I'm sort of on hold. -What was that for? You could've made me lose my call. -You could've made me lose my call. So what? What could be important enough to put your hands on me? -So what? What could be important enough to put your hands on me? I didn't hurt you. -I didn't hurt you. You couldn't hurt me. But it's the principle. -Say something ... Me, he won't stay on the phone with for five fucking minutes without bitching. -Me, he won't stay on the phone with for five fucking minutes without bitching. I'm trying to help somebody. Okay? -I'm trying to help somebody. Okay? "He's at it again. Like that night at the Emerald. This piece of Euro-trash is slapping shit out of his little wife in a back booth -- so Mr. Good Deed here has got to step in and pound the fucker's head into the wall. Meantime ""Wifey"" recovers enough to pull off her high heel and nearly take our hero's eye out. It took six stitches." -"He's at it again. Like that night at the Emerald. This piece of Euro-trash is slapping shit out of his little wife in a back booth -- so Mr. Good Deed here has got to step in and pound the fucker's head into the wall. Meantime ""Wifey"" recovers enough to pull off her high heel and nearly take our hero's eye out. It took six stitches." How was I in the wrong? -I know where it is. Give me that phone back. I'm not finished. Under other circumstances I'd gladly go out of my way. I don't understand why you just don't phone some other person. -I'm not finished. Under other circumstances I'd gladly go out of my way. I don't understand why you just don't phone some other person. She can't! It's busted. Now hand that on back! -She can't! It's busted. Now hand that on back! Theo wants to talk again. -Theo wants to talk again. Did you have to tell her my name? -Will you two cut it out? This Mercedes of yours, what's it look like? -He's right, Theo. She might not be around to back up your story. You could end up in the middle of this. Look -- I've got the lives of maybe three innocent people hanging on the end of this line. -I know you feel awful but it's not your responsibility. Then whose is it? -Then whose is it? You gotta just look the other way. -You gotta just look the other way. I'm sorry. You'll do all right without me. Keep my share. -Are you guys all right? You could've killed us. -You could've killed us. It was the fugitive in the Chrysler that caused this. We were trying to overtake him. -It was the fugitive in the Chrysler that caused this. We were trying to overtake him. No reason to kill innocent bystanders. Shit. I can't hardly move my neck. -No reason to kill innocent bystanders. Shit. I can't hardly move my neck. We've already got an ambulance on the way. Don't try to get out. -We've already got an ambulance on the way. Don't try to get out. I'm not staying in here with him puking all over the place. Get this door open! -Now that'd be a misdemeanor. I got to get going. An agent is showing me a house up on Broad Beach in ten minutes. -I got to get going. An agent is showing me a house up on Broad Beach in ten minutes. They'll wait. Meantime, raise the lid. -What'd you do? Tail me from Brentwood? Why would I do that? -Let's have your license, mister. I'm going to level with you officer. -What's this? See for yourself, federal agent, U.S. Treasury. On the job. -Lady, don't let him do it! You got it wrong. I'm the one that's on your side. -You got it wrong. I'm the one that's on your side. You almost brain me and lock me in a fucking trunk and you're on my side? You stupid fuck! -Nels reporting in. Sit down where you are. Arms folded. Yes sir. -In case you crapped out it was my job to go after that briefcase. Or relieve me of it later. -Or relieve me of it later. Only I was sloppy. I let you take me out. That was quite a humiliation. -You missed. Any time you decide to let me in on it. -How do we get back to the freeway? Bear right till the fire road ends. It's not far. -Yeah, I suppose getting whacked has got to be one of your best ways to die. Particularly if you're not expecting it. You don't know what hit you. Can you make him stop! -Can you make him stop! Mind letting me make the best of a rotten situation? -Which is why we had a lot more to worry about than the law. These are people who don't worry about reading you your rights. I'm the one they'd be looking for. -I told you I should've cuffed him. I want the gun emptied. I want to see all six slugs tossed up here. And then I want out. That's all. OUT! -He's seen both of us now. Look, I've got a wife. I don't care if either of you ever get caught. -Look, I've got a wife. I don't care if either of you ever get caught. What else did you expect him to say? Do it, Theo -- or give me the gun. -It took you long enough to get my ass out. With all those holes Nels pumped in I knew you wouldn't suffocate. -With all those holes Nels pumped in I knew you wouldn't suffocate. You can tell she was really worried about me. -I prefer to have the sucker die at a more convenient location. Once Nels arrives with his backpack full of goodies. So Theo and Nels will appear to have whacked each other out and we never existed. A thing of beauty. Jesus, the shit you come up with! -Now turn around. I'm going to cuff you. Put those away. We can't have marks on his wrists. -Put those away. We can't have marks on his wrists. You never miss a trick. -You never miss a trick. I'll see that he stays calm. Pack the money up and put it in the trunk. -You switched license plates? It's taken care of. -It's taken care of. We have never worked a gig together but I am a firm believer in preparation. So let's go over this again step by step. -We have never worked a gig together but I am a firm believer in preparation. So let's go over this again step by step. Not this minute. -That was definitely out of line and totally unprovoked. I heard you were a hitter. Bullshit. -Bullshit. "That's your ""rep.""" -"That's your ""rep.""" Wait! I hear her breathing now. There, she just picked it up again. -What do you mean tip the cops? Is the man a lunatic or what? Will you relax? This in no way affects our business. Go on. -Just hand up on the bitch! Fuck you, madam. And goodbye! That's what I deserve for listening in the first place. -I don't like anybody laying their hands on me. Just like they say; no fucking self control. -Just like they say; no fucking self control. If you know that just back off. -If you know that just back off. Shit. There's the hotel. You overshot the driveway. -Shit. There's the hotel. You overshot the driveway. And stop with the directions. -And stop with the directions. "Make a ""U"" and go back." -"Make a ""U"" and go back." That's illegal. You want us pulled over? I'll turn around at the corner if you'll shut the fuck up. -That's illegal. You want us pulled over? I'll turn around at the corner if you'll shut the fuck up. You're doing all the talk. -We still gotta run the drill before we walk in that lobby. Go ahead then. I'm covering the receiver. She can't hear. -Go ahead then. I'm covering the receiver. She can't hear. First off, this Mr. Chow Yen doesn't speak a lot of English. The girl with him will interpret. There will be a third person to accompany you into the men's room where you can take count. I hope you know Krugerands better than they know a Hockney. -First off, this Mr. Chow Yen doesn't speak a lot of English. The girl with him will interpret. There will be a third person to accompany you into the men's room where you can take count. I hope you know Krugerands better than they know a Hockney. I improved on the fucking original. -I improved on the fucking original. Let's hope so. Once you come out and okay everything I'll give Caitlin the sign that she can bring the painting on over. -Let's hope so. Once you come out and okay everything I'll give Caitlin the sign that she can bring the painting on over. It's rolled up in the tube on the floor back there. -Got your badge? Satisfied, Wiseass? -Satisfied, Wiseass? In any event, whatever occurs you do not belt anybody. -In any event, whatever occurs you do not belt anybody. What do you keep making me out to be? -Okay, okay, Lenore, calm down. Either let me call the school or better yet, the F.B.I. Sure -- and they record your voice. And later on we all get slammed for kidnap and murder. That's out! -I thought you said you could handle him. I'm doing fine. Theo wants to deal. -Nels, don't let that cop pass you. What am I supposed to do? -Lose the hardware now. We'll toss it when we make the blind curve. -Don't fuck around. Pop a cap in him. Allow me. -He took it like a man. Toss him in that drainage ditch. There's a taxi stand here. I can meet you. -Nels? I'm still in my cab -- jammed up in traffic. Are you there yet? -I'm still in my cab -- jammed up in traffic. Are you there yet? Any minute. -Any minute. I was worried about you. Both of you. -I was worried about you. Both of you. We've had our share of fuck-ups but it's going to work out fine. -We've had our share of fuck-ups but it's going to work out fine. Give me 20 minutes at least. -Do I know you? I've been trying to get someone -- anyone. For hours ... -I've been trying to get someone -- anyone. For hours ... If this is some sales pitch I'm not buying -- -If this is some sales pitch I'm not buying -- You don't understand. -You don't understand. No. You don't understand! You caught me on my cellular on the way to pick up some business associates. And I've got no time to screw around. -No. You don't understand! You caught me on my cellular on the way to pick up some business associates. And I've got no time to screw around. Will you let me explain! -Will you let me explain! And what're you whispering for? -And what're you whispering for? I can't talk any louder. They might hear. -Lady, try making some sense. You may be our only chance. I don't know if I can do this again. -You may be our only chance. I don't know if I can do this again. What'd you do! Just pick my number out of the air? -What'd you do! Just pick my number out of the air? They smashed the phone. I've been clicking the loose wires together hoping it'd make a connection. -They smashed the phone. I've been clicking the loose wires together hoping it'd make a connection. Who smashed the phone? -Who smashed the phone? They're holding my husband downstairs. -They're holding my husband downstairs. Sure. And they left you upstairs to make phone calls? -Sure. And they left you upstairs to make phone calls? They gave me pills to make me sleep. They didn't realize how much Seconal I'm used to -- that I'd have so much tolerance -- -They gave me pills to make me sleep. They didn't realize how much Seconal I'm used to -- that I'd have so much tolerance -- "Well I'm not tolerant of being bothered with this bullshit story when I'm about to make the most important score of my life. This has gotta be some ""put-on,"" right?" -"Well I'm not tolerant of being bothered with this bullshit story when I'm about to make the most important score of my life. This has gotta be some ""put-on,"" right?" I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to do this to you. -I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to do this to you. You're not doing anything to me -- because -- listen to this carefully -- I do not care. -You're not doing anything to me -- because -- listen to this carefully -- I do not care. I don't believe you. -I don't believe you. You're the one who's not to be believed. -You're the one who's not to be believed. My name is -- -My name is -- I don't want to know -- -I don't want to know -- My name is Lenore Oberfeld. -My name is Lenore Oberfeld. Don't expect me to tell you who I am. -Don't expect me to tell you who I am. I realize you don't want to be involved. -I realize you don't want to be involved. I am not involved. Keep clicking your little wires. You'll get someone else. Good luck. -I am not involved. Keep clicking your little wires. You'll get someone else. Good luck. You won't disconnect. -You won't disconnect. Oh won't I? -Oh won't I? Because you know you'll be killing us. -Because you know you'll be killing us. Don't lay this on me! -Don't lay this on me! Then hang up! Do it! -Why would anybody want to hurt you? They tortured my husband. Made him give them the pin numbers of our accounts. Once they get what's in the safe deposit box they'll kill us. -They tortured my husband. Made him give them the pin numbers of our accounts. Once they get what's in the safe deposit box they'll kill us. Where'd they take you to? -Where'd they take you to? I have no idea. They put us in the back of a van with blacked out windows. The shutters up here are nailed shut. -I have no idea. They put us in the back of a van with blacked out windows. The shutters up here are nailed shut. Well isn't there a number on the goddam phone? -Well isn't there a number on the goddam phone? No -- nothing. -Okay. The police are gonna need your full name and address. No! No police. They'll know right away the authorities are looking for us. They'll kill us. We've seen their faces. -No! No police. They'll know right away the authorities are looking for us. They'll kill us. We've seen their faces. The cops could trace this call back to you. -The cops could trace this call back to you. One of them is a cop. -One of them is a cop. What makes you say that? -What makes you say that? He pulled us over as we left the Riviera Tennis Club. Claimed we'd run a stop sign. And when Elliot was reaching for his license -- -He pulled us over as we left the Riviera Tennis Club. Claimed we'd run a stop sign. And when Elliot was reaching for his license -- Who? -Who? Elliot -- our driver. The officer put his gun to the back of Elliot's head and -- fired. It was so quick. -Elliot -- our driver. The officer put his gun to the back of Elliot's head and -- fired. It was so quick. Oh man. These people mean business. -Oh man. These people mean business. Then they took the Mercedes away -- with his body in it. -Then they took the Mercedes away -- with his body in it. Listen, there's an overpass coming up. I may lose you for a minute. -No don't. You could lose me for good. Don't go through that tunnel. I'm in traffic. There's no place to turn. -I'm in traffic. There's no place to turn. Please. -Please. Shit! -Fine, no tunnel. Are you still with me? Hello? I hear them coming upstairs. I won't be able to talk for awhile. I have to lay the phone down and pretend to be asleep. So don't talk. Don't say a word or they'll hear it. -I hear them coming upstairs. I won't be able to talk for awhile. I have to lay the phone down and pretend to be asleep. So don't talk. Don't say a word or they'll hear it. I can't stay on this line. I'm picking people up. I'm already overdue. Hello? -I'm fine. She's back on. Hello? I'm here. They just walked out. The smaller man -- he must be Dominican or Haitian -- he kicked me so hard. I felt a rib crack but I never made a sound. It's starting to hurt now -- real bad. A throbbing. I can't even take a deep breath. -They just walked out. The smaller man -- he must be Dominican or Haitian -- he kicked me so hard. I felt a rib crack but I never made a sound. It's starting to hurt now -- real bad. A throbbing. I can't even take a deep breath. Don't move around. You don't want to puncture a lung. -I'm with two friends now. Rachel! They're going after Rachel now -- and I can't stop them. -Rachel! They're going after Rachel now -- and I can't stop them. Stop throwing names at me. -Stop throwing names at me. Rachel, my daughter. She's an honor student at Parker. My God, she's only nine. -Rachel, my daughter. She's an honor student at Parker. My God, she's only nine. What do they need her for? -What do they need her for? They know Jack will give them what they want once they have her. -They know Jack will give them what they want once they have her. Bottom line! There's nothing I can do for you but tip the cops. -The bigger man is driving our Mercedes to the school. Rachel will recognize the car. She'll get right in. Let me call the school -- tell them not to let her go. -Let me call the school -- tell them not to let her go. They don't know you. They won't listen. -He's right. You'll get my whole family killed. He's right? Look, don't try to put blood on my hands. You've got one hell of a nerve siding with him! -"""Theo?""" Forget who I am. Where's this school located? -Forget who I am. Where's this school located? 26th off Wilshire. -26th off Wilshire. Even if I got there first she wouldn't go with me. -Even if I got there first she wouldn't go with me. She would if she heard my voice on the phone. -Why isn't anyone answering me? Just hang on. I've got a life of my own. -Will you please speak to me! Theo? Another minute. -Hello? It's just me and you again. What about the others? -What about the others? I kind of dropped them off. They were getting on my nerves. -I kind of dropped them off. They were getting on my nerves. What are you doing now? -What are you doing now? What do you think I'm doing? I'm on my way to the school like you wanted. -What do you think I'm doing? I'm on my way to the school like you wanted. Forget about us. Just save Rachel. -Forget about us. Just save Rachel. Tell me what she looks like. -Tell me what she looks like. They say she resembles me -- dark hair, ponytail, very dark eyes. They all wear the same uniform. Please. Be careful. The man driving the car must have a gun. -They say she resembles me -- dark hair, ponytail, very dark eyes. They all wear the same uniform. Please. Be careful. The man driving the car must have a gun. I'm not looking to get myself killed. I just hope the battery on this phone holds out. -Where's the fucking recharger cord? Must be in her car, dammit. How much time do you have left on it? -How much time do you have left on it? I don't know. 80 or 90 minutes, tops. -I don't know. 80 or 90 minutes, tops. Why didn't you do what your friends wanted and just -- get rid of me? -Why didn't you do what your friends wanted and just -- get rid of me? I don't know. I hung up on somebody else a long time ago, and later on I wished I hadn't of. -I don't know. I hung up on somebody else a long time ago, and later on I wished I hadn't of. A woman? -A woman? Hey drop it, okay? -Hey drop it, okay? I didn't mean to open up any old wounds. -I didn't mean to open up any old wounds. "It never healed. I called her a lying bitch and everything else and I hung up on her. ""Click."" You don't exist." -"It never healed. I called her a lying bitch and everything else and I hung up on her. ""Click."" You don't exist." And that was the end of it? -And that was the end of it? I sure as hell got my wish. She doesn't exist. So maybe you reached the appropriate person after all. -I sure as hell got my wish. She doesn't exist. So maybe you reached the appropriate person after all. I'm sorry if I caused you to lose your business deal. -I'm sorry if I caused you to lose your business deal. Well you did. -What do you do for a living? Sometimes I paint. -Sometimes I paint. Our house always needs touching up. -Our house always needs touching up. Pictures. -Pictures. I didn't mean to insult you. You're an artist. -I didn't mean to insult you. You're an artist. They say my work is somewhat derivative. -I suppose if you're a struggling artist you need a patron. Lady, you don't have to keep up a running commentary. -Lady, you don't have to keep up a running commentary. I'm afraid if I stop talking I'll lose you. Just name any reasonable amount and it's yours. -I'm afraid if I stop talking I'll lose you. Just name any reasonable amount and it's yours. Shit, stop with the money! I never asked for a nickel. I was just doing this. And you have to fuck it up with a price tag. -Shit, stop with the money! I never asked for a nickel. I was just doing this. And you have to fuck it up with a price tag. I didn't mean to. It's just the way I am. -I didn't mean to. It's just the way I am. A price on everything. -A price on everything. I wasn't always like that. I don't think I was. -I wasn't always like that. I don't think I was. I'm about ten blocks from the school. -I'm about ten blocks from the school. I have no right to ask for help. I've never thought of anybody but myself. -I have no right to ask for help. I've never thought of anybody but myself. That makes two of us. -That makes two of us. You're breaking up. I can't hear you. Theo? -There are cables overhead. Hang on. It'll clear up. I've lost you. You're gone. I can't hear anything. -Make a right. You can't miss it. I'm making my turn. I see the school up ahead. -Lenore, I'm here. I'm getting out. I can hear you again, clearly. -I can hear you again, clearly. Great. Stay with me. There must be a hundred kids out here. -Does she have a red ribbon on that ponytail? That's not her. -Does she wear glasses? No. -No. I've got to ask somebody. -What's happening? She's gone -- -She's gone -- Don't say anything. Don't alarm them. Just go! -Don't say anything. Don't alarm them. Just go! I'm trying to. -He's copying down my license -- for all the good it'll do him. It's not your fault, Theo. You tried. -It's not your fault, Theo. You tried. I should've put them out of the car and come sooner! -I should've put them out of the car and come sooner! When Jack sees they've got Rachel HE'LL tell them what they want to know. -You said they wanted to get into some particular safety deposit box? The one in Brentwood. -The one in Brentwood. What bank? -What bank? The City National on San Vincente. -Wait just a minute. Our luck has changed. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Black Mercedes, 600S. -I'm not doing too well. What's the matter? I heard someone pulling in behind the house. I heard Rachel screaming and then she stopped all of a sudden. I don't know what they did to her. -I heard someone pulling in behind the house. I heard Rachel screaming and then she stopped all of a sudden. I don't know what they did to her. Which means you can't be more than five or ten minutes from here. -Which means you can't be more than five or ten minutes from here. Even if you found us -- what then? -Even if you found us -- what then? I'm cutting across to Bundy to Brentwood. That bank is our best bet. If anybody shows up I could follow them. -I'm cutting across to Bundy to Brentwood. That bank is our best bet. If anybody shows up I could follow them. Jack will negotiate with them. He'll identify the right key and give them the information they need to gain access and they'll let Rachel go. -Jack will negotiate with them. He'll identify the right key and give them the information they need to gain access and they'll let Rachel go. Not a chance. -Not a chance. Don't say that. -Don't say that. Do you know what's in that box? -Do you know what's in that box? I'm not supposed to -- but I do. Millions in cash and bearer bonds. -They'll recognize it's not your husband. Jack was only at that branch once when he took the box years ago. -Jack was only at that branch once when he took the box years ago. They've still got to be able to sign his name. -They've still got to be able to sign his name. It's not hard to do. I do it all the time. -It's not hard to do. I do it all the time. I'm pretty good at signatures myself. -I'm pretty good at signatures myself. Oh my God. I heard her scream again. What are they doing to her? Why can't I do anything to stop them? -Oh my God. I heard her scream again. What are they doing to her? Why can't I do anything to stop them? You're doing what you can. Why's all this money stashed? -You're doing what you can. Why's all this money stashed? To hide it from the I.R.S. -To hide it from the I.R.S. How come everybody turns out to be a crook? -How come everybody turns out to be a crook? Don't talk. Don't talk! -Don't talk. Don't talk! What's going on? -What's going on? The front door slammed. Someone went out. There's a different car starting. -The front door slammed. Someone went out. There's a different car starting. I might still get there first. The lights are with me. How would I identify the guy who shows up at the bank? -I might still get there first. The lights are with me. How would I identify the guy who shows up at the bank? If it's the tall man -- he had one of those hair transplants. Tufts, you know. It still hasn't grown fully in. The other one is from the islands. Braided hair -- very dark. -If it's the tall man -- he had one of those hair transplants. Tufts, you know. It still hasn't grown fully in. The other one is from the islands. Braided hair -- very dark. It won't be him. -It won't be him. Theo, I want you to know, you're probably the most decent man I've ever met. -Theo, I want you to know, you're probably the most decent man I've ever met. Yeah, sure that's me. Ask anybody. -Yeah, sure that's me. Ask anybody. But I guess we haven't really met -- have we? -But I guess we haven't really met -- have we? I've got a lot of respect for you too. For the way you feel about your family. -I've got a lot of respect for you too. For the way you feel about your family. Jack hasn't loved me for years. And now I'm afraid she's turning out to be like him. So cold and distant. I've let him make her like that. -Jack hasn't loved me for years. And now I'm afraid she's turning out to be like him. So cold and distant. I've let him make her like that. Why tell me this? -Why tell me this? Because you're probably the last person I'll ever talk to. -Because you're probably the last person I'll ever talk to. You can't give up. -You can't give up. When they first started questioning Jack -- he answered them in that tone he usually reserves for me. And they began beating him. And I watched. And I didn't feel anything ... What kind of a person am I? -Did you jiggle the phone? No. -No. Did you hear that click? -Did you hear that click? Yes -- I think so. Another crossed line? -Yes -- I think so. Another crossed line? Or somebody else there is listening in -- -Or somebody else there is listening in -- Downstairs. There must be an extension. Oh my God -- -Downstairs. There must be an extension. Oh my God -- Don't panic. I might be wrong. Hello? I guess I was wrong. -No. I hear them. They're coming upstairs. They know! Try what you did before. It worked before. I won't talk anymore. -Yes? Yes? Hi Lenore. It's me. I got you back. Courtesy of Star 69. Are you hurt? -Hi Lenore. It's me. I got you back. Courtesy of Star 69. Are you hurt? They dragged me downstairs. I thought they were going to kill me. -They dragged me downstairs. I thought they were going to kill me. Lucky for them they didn't. -Lucky for them they didn't. What did you do? -What did you do? I had a little encounter at the bank and our Mr. Transplant ended up under the wheels of a Chevy. -I had a little encounter at the bank and our Mr. Transplant ended up under the wheels of a Chevy. God, if he doesn't come back -- -God, if he doesn't come back -- I'm in possession of the bag he was carrying. And I'm in a position to negotiate. What about your husband and your child? -I'm in possession of the bag he was carrying. And I'm in a position to negotiate. What about your husband and your child? They're tied with duct tape so they can't speak -- but they seem to be -- -Thank you. God bless you for helping us. Are you okay? -Are you okay? They wrapped tape around my wrists and ankles. -They wrapped tape around my wrists and ankles. That's coming off. How about the girl? -That's coming off. How about the girl? She's awake but she hasn't spoken. I don't know what they did to her. I don't want to think about it. -She's awake but she hasn't spoken. I don't know what they did to her. I don't want to think about it. Your husband? -Your husband? He's in back. Lying face down. They haven't hurt him anymore -- but he was crying. I never heard Jack cry before -- -He's in back. Lying face down. They haven't hurt him anymore -- but he was crying. I never heard Jack cry before -- You're all three of you in that van? -You're all three of you in that van? Yes. -Yes. Now you're going to do just what I tell you to. No discussion. No hesitation. -Now you're going to do just what I tell you to. No discussion. No hesitation. Yes sir. -Yes sir. Put the man back on. -Lenore -- you promised you'd follow instructions. We're almost there. Simply get out when they slide the van open and walk to me. I'm not leaving my daughter behind. Not with them. -I'm not leaving my daughter behind. Not with them. She's next. In two or three more minutes she'll be free. -She's next. In two or three more minutes she'll be free. I can't do it. -I can't do it. Don't start thinking about it. Is the tape off? -Don't start thinking about it. Is the tape off? Yes. -Yes. Can you walk? -Can you walk? Yes. But I want Rachel to come with me. -Yes. But I want Rachel to come with me. They won't allow that. It's one at a time. And you have to be first. -They won't allow that. It's one at a time. And you have to be first. Why can't it be her? -Why can't it be her? She's a child. She might panic. She doesn't know me. She might not come to me. She might just run. -She's a child. She might panic. She doesn't know me. She might not come to me. She might just run. All right. Now that you explain it I see that you're right. -All right. Now that you explain it I see that you're right. Once you're in the car with me she's sure to come to us. -Once you're in the car with me she's sure to come to us. I'm sorry. You've thought this out better than I ever could. I'm ready now. -Rachel -- Oh my God. Just start walking. Come on. Walk to me. -It's locked. Shit. I'm sorry. -Rachel was terrified when I left her. I could see it in her eyes. She'll be with you soon. They're pulling up. They'll realize I kept my part of the bargain. -She'll be with you soon. They're pulling up. They'll realize I kept my part of the bargain. She'll never be the same. None of us will. -She'll never be the same. None of us will. Include me in that. -Now I have -- it's a long story. Why didn't you just shoot them? -Why didn't you just shoot them? Because a lot of people would've gotten killed. Probably all the wrong ones. -Because a lot of people would've gotten killed. Probably all the wrong ones. You're going to let them get away with this? -You're going to let them get away with this? We've almost got your husband and your daughter out. So don't get any ideas. -We've almost got your husband and your daughter out. So don't get any ideas. They tortured us. And you're going to let them have all that money? -They tortured us. And you're going to let them have all that money? So far they're keeping their part of it. -So far they're keeping their part of it. They put their hands all over me. -They put their hands all over me. Somehow I got along better with you on the phone. It's all there isn't it? -For Christ sakes don't point it at me. We want to get Rachel out of there in one piece. I'm waiting for the girl. Her mother wants to talk to her. Hand me the phone. -He had a gun. I have it now. Why are you telling him that. Are you crazy? -Why are you telling him that. Are you crazy? The rest of the money is here in the car. Why don't you come and get it? -You're not Lenore Oberfeld. There isn't any such person. -There isn't any such person. Whose money is this? -Whose money is this? It belongs to the man you took it from. Or should I saw stole it from? -It belongs to the man you took it from. Or should I saw stole it from? The guy with the transplant. -The guy with the transplant. Jack Oberfeld in person. Did you kill him? -Jack Oberfeld in person. Did you kill him? Damned if I know. -Damned if I know. The video cameras will put you with him in the bank, and I'll bet there were enough witnesses. -The video cameras will put you with him in the bank, and I'll bet there were enough witnesses. At least one. -At least one. Plus they'll remember you going after his daughter at school. -Plus they'll remember you going after his daughter at school. You timed that beautifully. -You timed that beautifully. They always pick Rachel up early on Thursday. -They always pick Rachel up early on Thursday. I got what I fucking deserved. I had it all. I could've kept going! -I got what I fucking deserved. I had it all. I could've kept going! As they say -- no good deed goes unpunished. -As they say -- no good deed goes unpunished. And all that crap about your driver being murdered by a cop -- -And all that crap about your driver being murdered by a cop -- I thought it was inspired. -I thought it was inspired. There was no cop involved. Oh shit! Fuck! -Sit completely still with both hands on the wheel -- until they get here. "Why pick me to be your ""mark?""" -"Why pick me to be your ""mark?""" Nobody's easier to con than a con man. -Nobody's easier to con than a con man. You knew about me. -Who's in back? L.A.P.D. -L.A.P.D. Shit. You couldn't be in much worse shape. -Your friends are probably still on the line. Pick it up and say hello. There's no way out for you. You have to deal with us. -There's no way out for you. You have to deal with us. Assure them that you're being well treated. -Tell them I'm keeping what's left. I earned it. I probably killed some poor bastard for it. He seems to think he's entitled to it all. -He seems to think he's entitled to it all. Not all. They already have a third. The question is how much of that are they willing to give to get you back? -Not all. They already have a third. The question is how much of that are they willing to give to get you back? You won't shoot me. That's not your style. -You won't shoot me. That's not your style. We might hit a bump and the gun might go off. Ever see that Tarantino movie -- where Travolta blew that guy away in the back seat -- purely by accident? -We might hit a bump and the gun might go off. Ever see that Tarantino movie -- where Travolta blew that guy away in the back seat -- purely by accident? Do you have to point that? -Do you have to point that? Absolutely. And Topanga Canyon has a hell of a lot of potholes if I recall. -Absolutely. And Topanga Canyon has a hell of a lot of potholes if I recall. He seems to be headed for Topanga. -He seems to be headed for Topanga. I'm not trying to lose them. Nor am I exceeding any speed limits. -I'm not trying to lose them. Nor am I exceeding any speed limits. The one thing you don't want is to attract the police. -The one thing you don't want is to attract the police. Granted, the cops are not an alternative. Certainly not with one of their own still locked in my trunk. -Granted, the cops are not an alternative. Certainly not with one of their own still locked in my trunk. I don't hear him moving around anymore. -I don't hear him moving around anymore. Those shots your associates got off may not have done him too much good. That's on their head. All I did I was put him there. -Those shots your associates got off may not have done him too much good. That's on their head. All I did I was put him there. A typical fuck-up. -A typical fuck-up. What's that supposed to me? -What's that supposed to me? I knew you were a loser the first night I laid eyes on you. -I knew you were a loser the first night I laid eyes on you. You, I would've noticed. -You, I would've noticed. Oh no, you were too busy trying to keep some Croatian from slapping the shit out of his girlfriend. She showed her gratitude by almost taking your eye out with her spiked heel. -Oh no, you were too busy trying to keep some Croatian from slapping the shit out of his girlfriend. She showed her gratitude by almost taking your eye out with her spiked heel. You were at the Emerald that night? -You were at the Emerald that night? Naturally you didn't learn your lesson. -Naturally you didn't learn your lesson. I guess I ought to stop seeing woman as victims. -I guess I ought to stop seeing woman as victims. I think it was my tone of voice more than anything else that sold you. And when you thought I was being kicked around, I wish I could've seen your face. -I think it was my tone of voice more than anything else that sold you. And when you thought I was being kicked around, I wish I could've seen your face. You're enjoying this too much. -Now you're starting to sound like a victim again. You could've hit me. -You could've hit me. Only in the leg or the thigh. You'd live but you just wouldn't wear shorts. -Only in the leg or the thigh. You'd live but you just wouldn't wear shorts. You wouldn't -- -You wouldn't -- Yes I would. Not kill you. But blow off a few toes, absolutely. I'm entitled to that as retribution. It'll help you to remember me in years to come -- every time you put on stockings. They must have prosthetic toes by now -- with little nails on them you can polish -- -Yes I would. Not kill you. But blow off a few toes, absolutely. I'm entitled to that as retribution. It'll help you to remember me in years to come -- every time you put on stockings. They must have prosthetic toes by now -- with little nails on them you can polish -- Stop talking like that! -Stop talking like that! Then scream for me. A repeat performance. Let me see how easy you can turn it on. Scream! I want to hear you scream for me! -I'm still okay. Inform him the fee is seventy-five large for your return. All parts intact. -Inform him the fee is seventy-five large for your return. All parts intact. He wants 75 back. -He wants 75 back. Plus names, addresses and I.D. for the lot of you. We're in this together and I need to know who my partners are. In case I ever need to roll over on somebody. -Plus names, addresses and I.D. for the lot of you. We're in this together and I need to know who my partners are. In case I ever need to roll over on somebody. Did you hear that? -Did you hear that? Let me talk to him. Hold the phone to my ear -- but don't nudge me. -It could be a fire. This is Malibu. No, there's a police car way back there. See it, in the distance coming around the turn? The van is blocking it now. -No, there's a police car way back there. See it, in the distance coming around the turn? The van is blocking it now. What's Nels' number? -What's Nels' number? 259-7881. -259-7881. Dial him up. We need him to run interference. -Do you think they'll walk away? Ask them. -They'll have units blocking us up ahead. That's why we're turning off onto a fire road. -That's why we're turning off onto a fire road. Some people fall apart in a pinch. But you shine. -What's happening? I can't hear. Now there's a siren. They must be in an ambulance. What about the money? Nels? -I can't hear. Now there's a siren. They must be in an ambulance. What about the money? Nels? Wonderful feeling of security knowing your adversaries are both crippled and unarmed. -Wonderful feeling of security knowing your adversaries are both crippled and unarmed. The money, Nels ... ? -Any idea where you're going? I was sentenced to a youth camp out here when I was fourteen. We cleared some of these same roads. -I was sentenced to a youth camp out here when I was fourteen. We cleared some of these same roads. They did some great job of reforming you. -They did some great job of reforming you. That's where this Chicano correctional officer first taught me to slap paint on a canvas. I could copy any fucking thing he put in front of me. -That's where this Chicano correctional officer first taught me to slap paint on a canvas. I could copy any fucking thing he put in front of me. Think you could do a picture of me? -Think you could do a picture of me? "I had it in my mind what you'd look like. ""Her,"" I could've painted. You, I'd be afraid to turn my back to mix the colors." -Developer ran out of money years back. I'd hate to think about what's living in there. Why are we stopping? -Why are we stopping? I need a break. I've been on a marathon run ever since I had the misfortune to strike up a conversation with you. -Who'd ever think, to look at you? As a child I hated being told how sweet I looked. That angelic little face wasn't me at all. I had to hurt people to prove to them they had the wrong image. Sometimes words were enough -- but I wasn't beyond inflicting physical pain in order to be taken seriously. I enjoyed seeing the shock on their poor faces when they realized who I was. That same look you gave me when I turned the gun on you. -As a child I hated being told how sweet I looked. That angelic little face wasn't me at all. I had to hurt people to prove to them they had the wrong image. Sometimes words were enough -- but I wasn't beyond inflicting physical pain in order to be taken seriously. I enjoyed seeing the shock on their poor faces when they realized who I was. That same look you gave me when I turned the gun on you. You've had a lot of fun with me today. What would you have done if I hadn't responded to your call? -You've had a lot of fun with me today. What would you have done if I hadn't responded to your call? We had a backup plan. But I knew you'd come through for me. -Yeah, I was waiting for that suggestion. Sooner or later you'll learn to trust me. -Sooner or later you'll learn to trust me. "How about ""later?""" -What's really on your wicked little mind? The cop in the trunk -- he could still be alive. -The cop in the trunk -- he could still be alive. That's a reasonable possibility. -That's a reasonable possibility. He might've heard everything we said in the car. -He might've heard everything we said in the car. What's your point? -What's your point? We can't leave him to repeat anything. -We can't leave him to repeat anything. Which one of us is elected to do the deed? -Which one of us is elected to do the deed? You're the man with the gun. -You're the man with the gun. Naturally. -Naturally. Naturally. -Naturally. Maybe your friends already accomplished that chore for us. -Maybe your friends already accomplished that chore for us. Only one way to find out. -I'm going to cuff you and leave you in that house. It may take awhile but you'll be found after we're long gone. That's not good enough. -That's not good enough. That's how it's going to be. -I'm handling it. He let the fucking cop out -- but he won't -- -Both hands on your lap. Nothing but CDs in there. I thought maybe you'd like some Celine or Whitney. -Just sitting here listening to her voice does it to me all over again. No harm admitting I fell in love with the sound of you. That's a skill you acquire when you do fantasy phone sex for a living. I must've had thirty regulars salivating at 4.99 per minute. -Some nice fantasy you all cooked up for me. Took preparation. -Took preparation. Exactly who was this Oberfeld? -Exactly who was this Oberfeld? Local lawyer for Dominican dealers. Off to buy a half interest in a mall in Granada Hills on their behalf. -Know what else is in here? Take your hand out of there. Slowly. -Think about what's going to happen to your valuables when that trunk flies open at 75 miles per? You won't live to see it. -You won't live to see it. It's going to be some fucking snowstorm. -It's going to be some fucking snowstorm. Pull over! Pull over someplace. -Five ... six. Toss them -- one at a time. I don't want to lose count. -I picked the wrong number when I chose you ... didn't I? Turns out you did me a favor. You're looking at a rich man. -Turns out you did me a favor. You're looking at a rich man. -- The phones, Theo. Don't leave any of them behind. The cops could pull up a record of all our calls and -- find you. -I've got ... one last number for you, Theo ... I don't want it. -I don't want it. My fence in San Francisco ... 305-4410. Maurice. Don't take less than a third on the face value of those bonds. -My fence in San Francisco ... 305-4410. Maurice. Don't take less than a third on the face value of those bonds. Sure, like I'm gonna take advice from you. -Sure, like I'm gonna take advice from you. I told you ... sooner or later you'd have to trust me ... -Thank God -- thank God I've got you. Who is this? -Who is this? You mustn't hang up. -Oh God -- Oh no -- Help me -- Don't let me -- Die. Didn't we play this scene before? -Didn't we play this scene before? Don't leave me here to die -- Theo, please -- you can't let me die -- -Don't leave me here to die -- Theo, please -- you can't let me die -- I'm afraid I've used up all my good deeds for the day. -Who are you working for? I'm self employed. What kind of cut did the hairy one have? -I'm self employed. What kind of cut did the hairy one have? Twenty percent. -Twenty percent. Fine. I want half. Plus the release of the family. -Fine. I want half. Plus the release of the family. Whatever you say. -You're making it too easy. You got time on your side. Pretty soon they'll be missed and we'll have the law up our ass. -You got time on your side. Pretty soon they'll be missed and we'll have the law up our ass. They saw you kill the driver. -They saw you kill the driver. You're up on your details, aren't you? -You're up on your details, aren't you? You can rely on them to keep quiet because this is undeclared money that could land Jack there in federal prison. He can't afford for you to get caught and have this briefcase appear as evidence. -You can rely on them to keep quiet because this is undeclared money that could land Jack there in federal prison. He can't afford for you to get caught and have this briefcase appear as evidence. Keep talking. -You're walking away with a clear fifty percent and a guarantee nobody can afford to I.D. you. There are no guarantees in this life. -There are no guarantees in this life. Granted. But I don't believe they're grieving enough for their chauffeur to piss away their own futures. -Where do we meet? It's a nice day. How about the beach? -It's a nice day. How about the beach? Pass. -Pass. A large stretch of empty space with no place to hide. Temescal Canyon parking lot. -A large stretch of empty space with no place to hide. Temescal Canyon parking lot. What time frame have you got in mind? -What time frame have you got in mind? It should take me twenty minutes. Where are you coming from? -It should take me twenty minutes. Where are you coming from? We can be there. -I want you all in one vehicle. Your van. If I see anybody else cruising around I'll keep going. No second chances. You can kill them and I'll keep what I've got. Some loyalty. -Some loyalty. There's no loyalty at the expense of my own ass. -There's no loyalty at the expense of my own ass. Tell the lady to relax. Tell her I can't wait to meet her in person. -Tell the lady to relax. Tell her I can't wait to meet her in person. She's somewhat damaged in the shipping. But nothing makeup won't cover. -She's somewhat damaged in the shipping. But nothing makeup won't cover. Got a phone in that van? -Got a phone in that van? Sure. -Sure. Take my number. When you see me -- call me and I'll walk you through the exchange. It's 308-9962 -- Repeat it back. -Take my number. When you see me -- call me and I'll walk you through the exchange. It's 308-9962 -- Repeat it back. 308-9962. -308-9962. Beats yelling our brains out across some parking lot. -Beats yelling our brains out across some parking lot. You're getting a lot of mileage out of that cellular. -You're getting a lot of mileage out of that cellular. I wish it had never been invented. -I'm here. Where are you? We don't see you. -We don't see you. I'm three quarters of the way up the lot behind the concession stand. -I'm three quarters of the way up the lot behind the concession stand. Stay there. -Stay there. I don't want you within two hundred feet. Park down by the lifeguard station. Nobody gets out. -I don't want you within two hundred feet. Park down by the lifeguard station. Nobody gets out. It's your call. -It's your call. "Fucking ""A"" it is! Any argument and I'm out of here." -"Fucking ""A"" it is! Any argument and I'm out of here." Just relax. -Just relax. I don't need to relax. The woman. Put her on. -I don't need to relax. The woman. Put her on. You'll see her. -You'll see her. I don't want to see her later. I want to hear her now. -I don't want to see her later. I want to hear her now. Talk to the man. -Satisfied? You already tried to pull one little number on me -- and it didn't work. -You already tried to pull one little number on me -- and it didn't work. I don't know what you mean. -I don't know what you mean. I still don't see you. -I still don't see you. "We're waiting for the light to cross the highway. It just changed. We're in a grey van. It reads ""Noble Carpet Cleaners.""" -We're waiting on you. Then just wait. I'm counting this all out and deducting my share. While I'm at it you can be getting that tape off the lady. And her little girl. -Then just wait. I'm counting this all out and deducting my share. While I'm at it you can be getting that tape off the lady. And her little girl. It's in the process. -It's in the process. I make my end of the cash at 184,000. Now I'm trying to figure out the bonds. What the face value is. -I make my end of the cash at 184,000. Now I'm trying to figure out the bonds. What the face value is. You should've done all this before. -You should've done all this before. I'm not accepting criticism today. Now don't make me lose count. There's already a half million in this portfolio. -I'm not accepting criticism today. Now don't make me lose count. There's already a half million in this portfolio. Her husband said there'd be one million eight. So nine hundred to you. -Her husband said there'd be one million eight. So nine hundred to you. My pleasure -- -My pleasure -- Be careful in disposing of them. You'll have to discount 'em. You'll be lucky to clear a hundred and a quarter. -Be careful in disposing of them. You'll have to discount 'em. You'll be lucky to clear a hundred and a quarter. Thanks for the sound advice. Now ask the woman to get out of the van and walk over here. Alone. -Thanks for the sound advice. Now ask the woman to get out of the van and walk over here. Alone. Negative. -Negative. You'll still have the girl and the husband. -You'll still have the girl and the husband. And not a nickel. -And not a nickel. Soon as Mrs. Oberfeld is in my car I'll toss out your first third. Then I'll back up 200 feet to behind the public restroom. -Soon as Mrs. Oberfeld is in my car I'll toss out your first third. Then I'll back up 200 feet to behind the public restroom. And then? -And then? You pull up -- collect your first installment. Then you let the daughter go. When she reaches me, I'll dump out another third. Same action. I back up again -- you pull forward. Satisfy yourself it's there. Then we do it one last time. The final exchange. And we go our separate ways. -You pull up -- collect your first installment. Then you let the daughter go. When she reaches me, I'll dump out another third. Same action. I back up again -- you pull forward. Satisfy yourself it's there. Then we do it one last time. The final exchange. And we go our separate ways. And they run straight to the cops who start looking for our van. -And they run straight to the cops who start looking for our van. I won't let 'em. -I'm opening the side door. She'll step out. But before she gets in your vehicle I want to see the first installment put down in plain view. If it isn't there I'm shooting her in the back. Are you trying to panic the women? -Are you trying to panic the women? That's how it is. You see her approaching you toss out installment one. -That's how it is. You see her approaching you toss out installment one. I'm tying it up in a bundle now. Where is she? -Stop the crying. She's yours. What are we waiting on? -She's yours. What are we waiting on? I'm backing up. -Count it. Don't worry. -Don't worry. Next I want to see Rachel. Put her on the phone before she gets out so her mother can tell her exactly what to do. Keep her calm. Tell her you're fine and that she can join you in this car. -Seems like it. Put the girl on. -Yeah. Why don't we? What are you planning to do when they got here? They'll kill us. They'll kill Rachel. -What's he doing? Answer me! Better reassure him. -Who am I talking to? "Call me ""Nels.""" -"Call me ""Nels.""" Okay Nels, you can always keep what you've got and haul ass leaving the lovely lady for me to worry about. I'll bet she can be friendly when it's in her best interests. -Okay Nels, you can always keep what you've got and haul ass leaving the lovely lady for me to worry about. I'll bet she can be friendly when it's in her best interests. If you're looking for a quickie all you've got to do is ask. -If you're looking for a quickie all you've got to do is ask. "I think I've already had a ""quickie."" Thank you." -If he pulls me over he gets all the proceeds plus Lenore here. And if you ditch us we get zilch. -And if you ditch us we get zilch. Sure, I end up with some cash. And a lot of bonds I don't know how to dispose of. -You're going to have to see to it that both lanes of this road get blocked. The fuck I will! -The fuck I will! It's in your interest, Nels, since the additional passenger in my trunk -- an LAPD officer is probably carrying a few bullets in him traceable to the piece you're carrying. Tell the man. -You researched me. You know where I live. She'll be waiting for you there along with your split. There's two police cars now. -There's two police cars now. Tailgate me. I'll jam on the brakes. You go into a spin to avoid an accident and cut them off. -Tailgate me. I'll jam on the brakes. You go into a spin to avoid an accident and cut them off. You want us to get ourselves killed? -You want us to get ourselves killed? From what I can see you're a pretty fair wheelman. There's a hairpin coming up -- that's the place for it. The cops'll plow right into you. -From what I can see you're a pretty fair wheelman. There's a hairpin coming up -- that's the place for it. The cops'll plow right into you. And I end up in a fucking neck brace for life! -And I end up in a fucking neck brace for life! Then you can sue the cops. Collect from both ends. Tighten your belts. Here it comes. Ready? -Yeah? I just strolled out of the emergency room while they were admitting Rodriego. -I just strolled out of the emergency room while they were admitting Rodriego. You couldn't be calling at a worse time, Nels. -Yeah? Nels! Guess who? A friendly voice from beyond the grave. -Nels! Guess who? A friendly voice from beyond the grave. Who's this? -Who's this? I thought you'd know me by now. -I thought you'd know me by now. What does it take to kill you? -What does it take to kill you? I suppose you're in your taxi? -I suppose you're in your taxi? Why would she want me to think you were on ice? -Why would she want me to think you were on ice? Intelligent question, Nels. I believe she had plans for both our bodies to be found in close proximity. -Intelligent question, Nels. I believe she had plans for both our bodies to be found in close proximity. That bitch. What's keeping you from taking off? -That bitch. What's keeping you from taking off? My compensation! Somebody still owes me -- big time! -I can see the benefit in that. You could always disappear with what's already in your backpack. -You could always disappear with what's already in your backpack. Not without the name of the contact who can discount the bonds. I may need to pry that information out of her. What do you stand to gain? -Not without the name of the contact who can discount the bonds. I may need to pry that information out of her. What do you stand to gain? Sweet revenge plus maybe a bit of vigorish off your end. -In the hills above Sunset. Just below the Getty. Take the 405 south. -How far off are you? Five minutes. -Five minutes. Where do I turn? -Where do I turn? Take the Getty Center exit -- make a right onto Cisco. It'll be a narrow winding road. You can't miss the house. It's a mansion built back in '29 -- Spanish -- boarded up since the quake. -Take the Getty Center exit -- make a right onto Cisco. It'll be a narrow winding road. You can't miss the house. It's a mansion built back in '29 -- Spanish -- boarded up since the quake. Have your cab wait at the foot of Cisco -- we'll ride up together. -Have your cab wait at the foot of Cisco -- we'll ride up together. And make ourselves a hell of a target. -And make ourselves a hell of a target. We're gonna get there first. -We're gonna get there first. How do you know? -How do you know? Believe me. They couldn't be busier at the moment. -Better haul ass if we're gonna be inside to greet them. I've got a couple of spare pieces stashed under the floorboards. -I've got a couple of spare pieces stashed under the floorboards. Where's the backpack? -Where's the backpack? None of your business, but it's in the cab. That's all mine. When we take from them, we divide, eighty-twenty. -None of your business, but it's in the cab. That's all mine. When we take from them, we divide, eighty-twenty. At those prices I'd just as soon your cabbie didn't get a look at me. -"Probably as close to the Getty as I'll ever come. Unless you care to be my ""patron,"" Nels. You wouldn't be the first successful thief to become a patron of the arts." In your dreams. -In your dreams. Don't underestimate me. I've got original ideas of my own. Warhol got famous doing a soup can. What would you think of a cellular phone done in acrylics? -Don't underestimate me. I've got original ideas of my own. Warhol got famous doing a soup can. What would you think of a cellular phone done in acrylics? Are you busting my chops or what? -Somebody better tear this down before it falls down. Stay put! I know my way around. -Who were you talking to? Them. They won't be expecting us. -Them. They won't be expecting us. Brilliant -- unless they were close enough to see the cab pull away. In which case you just warned them. -Brilliant -- unless they were close enough to see the cab pull away. In which case you just warned them. Nobody can do anything right but you! -I'm in awe. Following which we will have a serious question and answer session with your girlfriend. -Since when did you guys start changing tires? Only you don't have a flat. -Only you don't have a flat. Seems not. -Seems not. If you weren't going for a spare what were you doing? -If you weren't going for a spare what were you doing? Something was rattling around. Some loose tools. -Something was rattling around. Some loose tools. Mind if I have a look? -Why are you picking on me for? Was I picking on you? How come you pulled in back of this fruitstand? -Was I picking on you? How come you pulled in back of this fruitstand? Tell the truth, I was going to take a much needed leak. -Don't be afraid to say hello. Your friend with the recent transplant is in no condition to deliver that briefcase. So I've taken on the task. Who are you? -Who are you? Let me talk to the lady again. -Let me talk to the lady again. There's no lady here. -There's no lady here. If you've already killed her that's fine. I'll keep the bonds and the cash. We got nothing to discuss. -If you've already killed her that's fine. I'll keep the bonds and the cash. We got nothing to discuss. Hold on. -Hold on. If her kid or her old man have been harmed we've also got nothing to talk about. -If her kid or her old man have been harmed we've also got nothing to talk about. Let her tell you. -I already called for an ambulance. You've got a phone? -You've got a phone? Doesn't everybody? -Can I make a quick call? Government business? -Government business? Very official. 259-7881, if I recall. -What kind of Treasury Dept. business is this? Undercover. -Undercover. I thought so. -I thought so. Your partners are currently armed and we're not. Our edge is that they don't know we're in touch. -The 405 is coming up. Where is this canyon house where you're supposed to hook up? -Let's have your name and address. The government will want to send you a letter of commendation. Who the fuck you kidding? Send me money! -You sure know how to take a lot of punishment. From here on, I dish it out. -Scottish? Yeah. -So can we consider you a regular, sir? Is that good or bad? -Is that good or bad? Well, you get to say, The usual, Col. Things like that. -So let's call this the usual. Thanks. -It takes all types. So who's he? -So who's he? He's what she should run a mile from. -He's what she should run a mile from. Then why doesn't she? -Then why doesn't she? Who knows the secrets of the human heart. -She wants me to tell you go fuck yourself. I'm sorry. -You could always make it up to her. How? -How? When a girl runs out like that, she generally wants to be followed. -When a girl runs out like that, she generally wants to be followed. She's not a girl, Col -- -She's not a girl, Col -- Whatever you say. -See that, Col? See what, Dil? -See what, Dil? He gave me a look. -He gave me a look. Did he? -Just cut his hair, you know. Yeah? -Yeah? What you think? -What you think? Nice. -Saw that one. What would you call it? -What would you call it? Now, that was a look. -Now he can look.... Ask him does he like his hair, Col. She wants to know, sir, do you like your hair. -He agreed that he was. What do you think his name is? -What do you think his name is? I've no thoughts on the subject. -That's what he said. Jimmy. Hi, Jimmy. -He's still looking, Col. Persistent. -Persistent. Good thing in a man. -Good thing in a man. An excellent quality. -An excellent quality. Maybe he wants something. -Maybe he wants something. I would expect he does. -Ask him. Ask him yourself. -He's back, Col Hi. -Hi. Don't want any of those looks, Col. They don't mean much. -Don't want any of those looks, Col. They don't mean much. Stop it, Dil -- -Stop it, Dil -- No. Tell him to go fuck himself. -You see that, Col? Saw it, Dil. -Saw it, Dil. Fuck it, is what I say. -Fuck it, is what I say. Yeah. Fuck it, Dil. -Yeah. Fuck it, Dil. Fucking men, Col -- -Fuck off, Dave. C'mon, babe! You know what I like... Easy! -You fucking promised. Did I? -Did I? You fucking did. -Don't be like that -- You heard me -- -Thank you. Who the fuck is he? -Who the fuck is he? Jimmy. -Jimmy. It's him, isn't it? -It's him, isn't it? Maybe. -See, they get the wrong idea. Cunt. -Cunt. Scrag-eyed dyke cunt. Charming. -He's going to take his foot off slowly, David. Then you're to go home, like a good boy. You hear me? Cunt. -Hey, Stirling fucking Moss -- It's Dave. -Sure, Dave -- Please, Dil -- -Take your clothes. Don't throw my clothes out the window! -Don't throw my clothes out the window! Fuck off back to Essex! -Fuck off back to Essex! Fucking mad! -Don't chuck my clothes out! Take your fucking goldfish, too! -Look, I'm sorry. Fuck off, Dave. -Fuck off, Dave. No, I won't fucking fuck off. Said I'm sorry, didn't I? -No, I won't fucking fuck off. Said I'm sorry, didn't I? Yeah. I heard. You hear, Jimmy? -It's not Pat. It's Jim. Jim, Pat, Mick, what the fuck. Long as you remember you're not at Lords. -Do you mean that? He wants to know do I mean that. -Is that his tart? Does Pat have a tart? She's not a tart. -She's not a tart. No, of course not, she's a lady. -No, of course not, she's a lady. She's not that either. -Do it on your own time, Paddy. What? -What? Whatever it is she does for you. -If I was her I'd consider that an insult. Consider it how you like. Just get that bloody tart out of here. -What's that supposed to mean? It's a simple question. -How much did that frame cost, Mr. Franknum? Two hundred quid, Mr. Deveroux. -Two hundred quid, Mr. Deveroux. Your Pat just cost me two hundred quid. -Sorry won't bring the bloody thing back, will it, Mr. Franknum? Not in my experience. -Not in my experience. Off his wages. -I'm sure you do, Mr. Deveroux. Bloody right I do... -Someone recommend you? In a way. -In a way. Who? -Who? Guy I work with. -Guy I work with. What's his name? -Doesn't the water get to your nails? What's it to you? -What's it to you? Nothing. -You American? No. -No. Not English. -No. Scottish? -Scottish? How'd you guess? -How'd you guess? The accent, I suppose. -The accent, I suppose. And what's it like? -And what's it like? Like treacle. -That should make her happy. Who's she? -Who's she? Don't know. Who is she? -Tell her I'm very happy with it. He's Scottish, Col. -Jimmy. Jimmy? -Everybody wants something. Not me. -Not me. Not you. How quaint. How old-fashioned and quaint. Isn't it, Col? -You old-fashioned? Must be. -Hi. Hi. You forgot your bag. -What was that? They all get the wrong idea. -You all right? Yes, thank you. -Yes, thank you. What was that all about? -What was that all about? He wants me to perform for him. -He wants me to perform for him. Perform? -Perform? You know. -You know. You on the game? -You on the game? God no. I'm a hairdresser. -He's getting up. You can't leave me then, can you? -You want me to ask you in, right? No, I didn't -- -No, I didn't -- But I'm not cheap, you know that? Loud, but never cheap. -Now, if you asked me to meet you tomorrow, it would really drive him insane. Where? -Where? Half-five. At Millie's. -Give me that look again. What look? -What look? The one you gave me in the Metro. -What's that about? They're jealous. -They're jealous. Why? -Why? I wonder. -Now's the time you're meant to do something, isn't it? Like what? -Like what? Make a pass or something. Isn't that the way it goes? -Make a pass or something. Isn't that the way it goes? Must be. -You got a special friend, Jimmy? How special? -How special? You want one? -Jesus Christ! Jesus. -That Dave? The things a girl has to put up with. -Piss off, Dave! Tough guy, huh? Are you going to be all right on your own? -Tough guy, huh? Are you going to be all right on your own? I'm not on my own, am I? -Would you like a drink? Yes, please. -Yes, please. What'll it be? -What'll it be? Whiskey. -Someone out there. Jesus fucking Christ. -Sorry. How'd he drive with his neck in a brace? Must be in love to manage that. -Must be in love to manage that. Doesn't know the meaning of the word. -He lived here with you? Tried to. Sit down, will you? -He was different. How different? -How different? As different as it's possible to be. -As different as it's possible to be. Tell me about him. -Tell me about him. No. -No. Shouldn't I go? -Shouldn't I go? Yes. -No -- Did you do that to him? -You want to know how I kissed him? Yes... -Yes... Are you jealous of him? -Are you jealous of him? Maybe. -Maybe. That's good... -What would he think? Can't think. He's dead. In Ireland. He was a soldier. Went there like a fool. -Do you miss him? What do you think? -What do you think? I think you do. -I think you do. You say that like a gentleman. -You say that like a gentleman. Do I? -Do I? Like you're concerned. -But you can t stay, you know that? Didn't think I could. -Didn't think I could. A real gentleman... -Shouldn't you be in mourning? I am. -Did he come here too? Is this an obsession of yours? -Is this an obsession of yours? Maybe. -Maybe. He did sometimes. -He did sometimes. Did he dance with you? -So what do you want with me, Jimmy? Want to look after you. -Want to look after you. What does that mean? -What does that mean? Something I heard someone say once. -You mean that? Yeah. -Why? If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. -Drink. What is this? -What is this? I'm superstitious. Drink. -Can't leave me now. Aha. -Aha. The thing is, can you go the distance? -The thing is, can you go the distance? Depends what it is. -Depends what it is. No, depends on nothing. -What you thinking of, hon? I'm thinking of your man. -I'm thinking of your man. Why? -Why? I'm wondering why you keep his things. -I'm wondering why you keep his things. Told you, I'm superstitious. -Did he ever tell you you were beautiful? All the time. -Even now. No... -No... He looks after me. He's a gentleman too. -Tell him to stop messing Dil around -- Dil -- -Dil -- Tell him it hurt -- -Tell him it hurt -- I have to talk to her, Col -- -Come on, Dil -- Where? -Never let the sun go down on an argument, Jody used to say. What you doing here? -What you doing here? Got your note. So let's kiss and make up, hon. -Got your note. So let's kiss and make up, hon. Don't call me that. -Don't call me that. Sorry, darling. -Sorry, darling. Give it over, Dil -- -Give it over, Dil -- Apologies, my sweet. -You're something else, Dil, you know that? Never said a truer word. -See, I was always best looking after someone. Must be something in the genes. Must be. -Must be. And the fact that you didn't know is basically the fault of yours truly. And even when you were throwing up, I could tell you cared. -You could? Do you care, Jimmy? -Do you care, Jimmy? Sure I do. -Sure I do. You mean that? -You mean that? Yeah. I care, Dil. -My, oh my, Jimmy, how gallant. Shut up. -Shut up. Made me feel all funny inside. -Made me feel all funny inside. I said stop it. -I said stop it. Ask me to meet you again, Jimmy. -Ask me to meet you again, Jimmy. You think that's wise? -You think that's wise? Nothing's wise. -I didn't mean to hit you. I know that. -Kind of liked you as a girl. That's a start. -That's a start. So I'm sorry. -So I'm sorry. Make it up to me, then. -Make it up to me, then. How? -How? Ask to meet me again. -Ask to meet me again. Will you meet me again? -Will you meet me again? When? -When? Whenever. Tonight. -Do they know? Know what, honey? -Know what, honey? Know what I didn't know. And don't call me that. -Know what I didn't know. And don't call me that. Can't help it, Jimmy. A girl has her feelings. -Can't help it, Jimmy. A girl has her feelings. Thing is, Dil, you're not a girl. -Details, baby, details. So they do know. -So they do know. All right, they do. -Don't. Sorry. -Sorry. I should have known, shouldn't I? -I should have known, shouldn't I? Probably. -Probably. Kind of wish I didn't. -Kind of wish I didn't. You can always pretend. -You can always pretend. That's true.... Your soldier knew, didn't he? -That's true.... Your soldier knew, didn't he? Absolutely. -Absolutely. Won't be quite the same though, will it? -Won't be quite the same though, will it? Are you pretending yet? -Are you pretending yet? I'm working on it. -There's Dave. He knew too. Stop it, Jimmy. -Am I becoming repetitious? A little. -A little. Sorry. -Don't ask me in. Please, Jimmy. -Please, Jimmy. No. Can't pretend that much. -No. Can't pretend that much. I miss you, Jimmy. -I miss you, Jimmy. Should have stayed a girl. -Should have stayed a girl. Don't be cruel. -Don't be cruel. Okay. Be a good girl and go inside. -Okay. Be a good girl and go inside. Only if you kiss me. -Happy now? Delirious. -What? He'd bring me carnations. -He'd bring me carnations. So I got it wrong, then. -So I got it wrong, then. Not at all, honey. -Not at all, honey. Don't. -Don't. Okay. -Come on. Why, honey -- -Why, honey -- Come on. -Come on. You gonna tell me why? -You gonna tell me why? No. -What's wrong, Jimmy? Tell me what's wrong -- Not here. -Dil, this is Jude. You following me? -It's her, isn't it? What's her? -What's her? She's the thing you had to tell me. -She's the thing you had to tell me. Kind of. -Kind of. I'm sorry, you know that? I'm really sorry. -Shouldn't be, Dil Why shouldn't I be jealous? -She own you, Jimmy? Yes. -Yes. She from Scotland too? -She from Scotland too? You could say that. -You could say that. And you're not going to tell me more? -And you're not going to tell me more? I can't. -What you doing, Jimmy? I'm not sure. -I'm not sure. Do you like me even a little bit? -Do you like me even a little bit? More than that. -You do something for me, Dil? Anything. -Anything. You'd do anything for me? -You'd do anything for me? Afraid so. -Afraid so. You got the keys to the shop? -You want another haircut, baby? No. Sit down. -You said anything, Dil A girl has to draw the line somewhere -- -A girl has to draw the line somewhere -- Want to change you to a man, Dil... -Why? It's a secret. -It's a secret. You'd like me better that way, Jimmy? -You'd like me better that way, Jimmy? Yes. -Yes. And you wouldn't leave me? -And you wouldn't leave me? No. -No. You promise? -You promise? I promise. -You're no good at this, Jimmy. I'm sorry. -You want to make me look like him... No. Want to make you into something new. That nobody recognizes... -So it's true, then? What? -What? You like me better like this. -You like me better like this. Yes. -Don't call me that -- Sorry. What you doing? -Why? For me. -For me. For you... -Why are we going here, Jimmy? Look on it like a honeymoon. -Dil! Dil! What the fuck are you doing here? I'm going home! -I'm going home! Told you to stay in the hotel! -Told you to stay in the hotel! Thought you was fooling me. Thought you was leaving me. -I had to go to work! Stayed all day in that room thinking every noise was you. There's something you're not telling me, Jimmy. -Come on... No! I'm going home... -So tell me. I was trying to get out of something. -I was trying to get out of something. No! Tell me everything, Jimmy. -You got to forget you ever saw me, Dil. You mean that? -You mean that? Yes. -You heard what I said, Dil? My pills... -What pills? Prescription. For my condition. -Prescription. For my condition. What condition? -Are you supposed to take that many? Only in times of extreme stress. -Are you all right, Dil? I will be. -Good-bye, Dil Jimmy? -Jimmy? What? -What? Don't go like that. -Dil Can I tell you something? I knew your man. You knew which man? -You knew which man? Your soldier. -Your soldier. You knew my Jody? -Lifted him from a carnival in Belfast. Held him hostage for three days. You knew my Jody? -You knew my Jody? Are you listening? -Yes. I got the order to shoot him. Before I could do it he ran. Ran into a tank and died. -I got the order to shoot him. Before I could do it he ran. Ran into a tank and died. Died... -Died... Did you hear me? -You killed my Jody? In a manner of speaking. -In a manner of speaking. It was you... -You killed my Jody No. -No. You didn't. -You didn't. I suppose I tried. -I suppose I tried. You tried. -You tried. Don't you want to kill me? -Don't leave me tonight. Might kill me, too. Okay. -Wondered why you came on to me like that when you gave me the look. He asked me to see were you all right. -See, I fix on anyone that's nice to me. Just the littlest bit nice and I'm yours. Stop it, Dil -- -Stop it, Dil -- Just don't kick Dil and she'll be touched. Be nice to her and she'll be yours forever. -See, I should blow you away, Jimmy. But I can't do that. Yet. Let me go, Dil -Why? Got to be somewhere. -Got to be somewhere. Try and go, then. -Let me go for fuck's sake, Dil -- or they'll be here Let them come then. -You like me now, Jimmy? I like you, Dil -- -I like you, Dil -- Give me a bit more, baby, a bit more. -Give me a bit more, baby, a bit more. More what? -More endearments. I like you, DIl -I like you, DIl Love me. -Love me. Yes. -Yes. Tell me you love me. -Tell me you love me. Whatever you say, Dil. -Whatever you say, Dil. Then say it. -Then say it. Love you, Dil. -Love you, Dil. You do? -You do? Yeah. -Yeah. What would you do for me? -What would you do for me? Anything. -Say it again. I'd do anything for you, Dil. -And you'll never leave me? Never. -Never. I know you're lying, Jimmy, but it's nice to hear it. -What was that she called you, Jimmy? Fergus. -What's Fergus? It's my name, Dil -- -It's my name, Dil -- What happened to Jimmy? -Dil!!! I asked you a question, honey -- were you there too -- -She was -- And she used her tits and that cute little ass to get him, didn't she? -And she used her tits and that cute little ass to get him, didn't she? Yes. -Yes. Tell me what she wore. -Tell me what she wore. Can't remember... -You've got to go now, Dil -- Do I? -Do I? Yes. Now. -Yes. Now. Am I in trouble, Jimmy? -Am I in trouble, Jimmy? Not if you go. -Not if you go. Will I see you again? -Will I see you again? You will, Dil -Promise? I promise. -I promise. Where am I to go, Jimmy? -Where am I to go, Jimmy? The Metro. -The Metro. Meet Col -- -Meet Col -- Yes. Say hello to Col -- -Got you the multivitamins and the iron tablets, hon -- Don't call me that -- -Sorry, love. Now, the white ones are magnesium supplement -- Stop it, Dil -- -Stop it, Dil -- I've got to keep you healthy, Jimmy. I'm counting the days. Two thousand three hundred and thirty-four left. -I've got to keep you healthy, Jimmy. I'm counting the days. Two thousand three hundred and thirty-four left. Thirty-five. -Thirty-five. I'm sorry, darling. I keep forgetting the leap year. What am I supposed to call you then, Jimmy? -I'm sorry, darling. I keep forgetting the leap year. What am I supposed to call you then, Jimmy? Fergus. -Fergus. Fergus. Fergus my love, light of my life - - -Fergus. Fergus my love, light of my life - - Please, Dil -- -Please, Dil -- Can't help it. You're doing time for me. No greater love, as the man says. Wish you'd tell me why. -Can't help it. You're doing time for me. No greater love, as the man says. Wish you'd tell me why. As the man said, it's in my nature. -As the man said, it's in my nature. What's that supposed to mean? -Lucky you. Carnations. -What was it? You know her, Jimmy? -You know her, Jimmy? Jimmy, is it? Do you know me, Jimmy? -Yeah. Just checking. He being nice to you, Dil? Ever so nice. Aren't you, Jimmy? -Ever so nice. Aren't you, Jimmy? That's good. I'm glad. Young love, as they say. -That's good. I'm glad. Young love, as they say. Absolutely. The younger the better. Doesn't come your way much, I suppose. -Don't go looking for it, Dil. Well, maybe you'll get lucky. Someday. -Well, maybe you'll get lucky. Someday. A bit heavy on the powder, isn't she, Jimmy? -A bit heavy on the powder, isn't she, Jimmy? A girl has to have a bit of glamour. -A girl has to have a bit of glamour. Absolutely. Long as she can keep it. Isn't that right, James... -Fergus! You're back in the pink, Tommy? How're you keeping? -You'll notice I've asked you nothing. That's wise, Tommy. -That's wise, Tommy. All right, then. I like to be wise. -So what do you need, Fergus? Need to go across the water. -Need to go across the water. Do you now. -Do you now. Need to lose myself awhile. -Need to lose myself awhile. Aha. -See does he want some. Do you want some food? -Hey -- what's he like? Horny bastard. -Horny bastard. Did you give him it? -Did you give him it? There are certain things I wouldn't do for my country. -There are certain things I wouldn't do for my country. Have a look at him. -Have a look at him. Can't. -Can't. Poke him or something. See if he's still alive. -Poke him or something. See if he's still alive. He's all right. -He's all right. Hasn't moved for twelve hours. Go on. Have a heart. -You don't know that. Fucking do. I had him all over me. -Tough work, that. Someone's got to do it. -Leave us, Judie. My pleasure. -Put that thing back on him, Fergus. He's hot. -He's hot. Doesn't matter if he's hot. Just cover the fucker up. -What was it, Fergus? Did you blow the gaff on us or did you just fuck up? Leave me alone, Jude. -Leave me alone, Jude. No. That's the last thing I'll do. You never asked what happened. -No. That's the last thing I'll do. You never asked what happened. I heard. -I heard. Eddie and Tinker died. -Eddie and Tinker died. I know. -I know. Maguire and me got out by the skin of our teeth. No thanks to you.... What you think of the hair? -Maguire and me got out by the skin of our teeth. No thanks to you.... What you think of the hair? Suits you. -We had a court-martial in your absence. They wanted to put a bullet in your head. I pleaded for clemency. Said we should find out what happened first. So what did happen? He ran. I couldn't shoot him in the back. I tried to catch him. He made it to the road and got hit by a Saracen. -He ran. I couldn't shoot him in the back. I tried to catch him. He made it to the road and got hit by a Saracen. So you did fuck up. -So you did fuck up. Yes. -Yes. But you know what the thing is, Fergus? -But you know what the thing is, Fergus? No, what is the thing? -No, what is the thing? You vanished quite effectively. Became Mister Nobody. And you've no idea how useful that could be. -You vanished quite effectively. Became Mister Nobody. And you've no idea how useful that could be. What do you mean? -What do you mean? We've got some plans here. And we'll need a Mister Nobody to execute them. -We've got some plans here. And we'll need a Mister Nobody to execute them. No way, Jude. I'm out. -No way, Jude. I'm out. You're never out, Fergus. -Leave her out of this. Jesus, Fergus, you're a walking cliche. You know we won't leave her out of this. But I'm glad to see you care. -She's nobody. She likes me. So I suppose a fuck is out of the question. Keep your head down, Fergus. No sudden moves. And not a whisper to her. You'll be hearing from us. -But, then, I don't have a choice. Och, you do, Fergie. -Och, you do, Fergie. Of course. I forgot. -Of course. I forgot. Come on, Fergie. A rehearsal. -And then you'll leave her out of it? Aye. Then we'll leave her be. -And what if I say no? You know what. Go. -You were made for this. Was I? -Was I? Perfect. -Perfect. And what happens then? -And what happens then? We'll be on the other side. We'll move when you do. -We'll be on the other side. We'll move when you do. And what if you don't? -And what if you don't? Fergus, I think you don't trust me. -Fergus, I think you don't trust me. You may be right. -You may be right. Stay late at your work tomorrow night and I'll bring you the gear. -Jude? Yes? -Yes? Who's the old geezer? -Who's the old geezer? Some judge... -You a handyman, Fergie? I take pride in my work. -I take pride in my work. I sincerely hope so. -Dil! Get that thing off me, Fergus -- -Give him a cup of tea. Do you want a cup of tea? -Made the front page. They'll move now, the fuckers. Request permission to take the hood off, Tommy. -Request permission to take the hood off, Tommy. Why would you do that? -Why would you do that? The poor whore's suffocating in the heat. -The poor whore's suffocating in the heat. So? -So? And anyway, he's seen our faces. -And anyway, he's seen our faces. You sure? -You sure? He described me down to a T. Knows what Jude looks like. -You're his keeper. If you don't mind him seeing you, I don't mind. But you're the only one he looks at. Thanks. -Thanks. It's your decision. -What the fuck is this? It's nothing. He's just got a sense of humor, that's all. -It's nothing. He's just got a sense of humor, that's all. You're on duty. Keep your fucking mouth shut. Go in and get some sleep. -So he knows your name? I told him. -I told him. Are you all there? -Back in a minute, Jody You'll have minimal contact with the prisoner, do you hear me? -You'll have minimal contact with the prisoner, do you hear me? Yes. -Yes. And do you know why? -And do you know why? Why? -Why? Because tomorrow we might have to shoot him, that's why. -You OK about that? I'm a volunteer, am n't I? -I'm a volunteer, am n't I? Good. I was beginning to have my doubts about you for the last few days. -Shut up, Jude. You best get some sleep tonight, Fergus. Peter. -Peter. What? -What? Request permission to guard the prisoner tonight -- -Why do you want to do that for? Would make me feel better about it. -Would make me feel better about it. You sure about that? -You sure about that? I'm sure. -I'm sure. Okay. You're a good man, Fergus. -So it was you all the time. Who'd you think it was? -Who'd you think it was? I thought it was Dave. -I thought it was Dave. And who's Dave when he's at home? -And who's Dave when he's at home? He's at home. -He's at home. Should blow you away, you know that? -Should blow you away, you know that? I know that. -I'm getting emotional. And I don't want to get fucking emotional -- you understand, Hennessy? I understand. -I understand. Fuck you, too -- -And what's she like between the sheets? Definitely unusual. -Definitely unusual. And who is she? -And who is she? Just a girl. -Just a girl. And you know what'll happen if you fuck up again, don't you? -And you know what'll happen if you fuck up again, don't you? Aye, I do, Peter. -Aye, I do, Peter. Good. -So what do you think that is, Hennessy? A hotel? -A hotel? It's a knocking-shop. Tres discreet, huh? He visits his ladies on Tuesday and Thursday nights and Saturday mornings. His security's in the car beyond. -Who is he? Doesn't matter who he is. He is what we would call a legitimate target. -Thank God for that. You being cynical, Hennessy? -You being cynical, Hennessy? Hope not. -Hope not. Good. So what do you think? -Good. So what do you think? Whoever hits him'll be hit, if those men are any good. And I presume you can't get in. -Whoever hits him'll be hit, if those men are any good. And I presume you can't get in. Right. -Right. So it's on the street. -So it's on the street. Right. -Right. Kind of suicide, isn't it? -Fuck you. Yeah. -Eat something, would you? Can't. -Can't. What do you mean you can't? -What do you mean you can't? Can't eat through a canvas bag. -This is a farce, man. How is it a farce? -How is it a farce? I seen your fucking face. -I seen your fucking face. So, what do I look like? -So, what do I look like? You're the one about five ten with the killer smile and the baby face. -You're the one about five ten with the killer smile and the baby face. Am I? -Am I? Yeah. And the brown eyes. -Thank you, handsome. My pleasure. -How did you know it was her? I can smell her perfume. -Please, man, I'm suffocating in here. Can't we take it off? -Now, if you took the ropes off, I'd be able to feed myself. No fucking way. -No fucking way. Only joking. -What's that? Five ten. Brown eyes. But you're no pinup. -Five ten. Brown eyes. But you're no pinup. No? -No? Nope. Not handsome at all. -Nope. Not handsome at all. You trying to hurt my feelings? -You trying to hurt my feelings? No. It's the truth. -No. It's the truth. Well, I could say the same about you. -Well, I could say the same about you. Could you? -Could you? But I won't. We're more polite around these parts. -But I won't. We're more polite around these parts. So I've noticed. -Hey -- What is it now? -What is it now? You're going to have to do it, aren't you? -You're going to have to do it, aren't you? Do what? -Do what? Kill me. -What makes you think that? They're going to let that guy die. And you're going to kill me. -They're going to let that guy die. And you're going to kill me. They won't let him die. -They won't let him die. You want to bet? -You want to bet? I'm not a gambling man. -I'm not a gambling man. And even if he doesn't die -- you can't just let me loose. -And even if he doesn't die -- you can't just let me loose. Why can't we? -Why can't we? Not in your nature. -Not in your nature. What do you know about my nature? -What do you know about my nature? I'm talking about your people, not you. -I'm talking about your people, not you. What the fuck do you know about my people? -What the fuck do you know about my people? Only that you're all tough undeluded motherfuckers. And that it's not in your nature to let me go. -Only that you're all tough undeluded motherfuckers. And that it's not in your nature to let me go. Shut the fuck up, would you? -Shut the fuck up, would you? And you know the funny thing? -And you know the funny thing? No, what's the funny thing? -No, what's the funny thing? I didn't even fancy her. -Didn't look like that to me... She's not my type. -C'mere. No. -No. Ah, c'mere. I want to show you something. -Ah, c'mere. I want to show you something. What? -What? My inside pocket. -She'd be anyone's type. Don't you think of it, fucker. -Don't you think of it, fucker. Why not? -Why not? She's mine. Anyway, she wouldn't suit you. -She's mine. Anyway, she wouldn't suit you. No? -No? Absolutely not. -Absolutely not. She your wife? -She your wife? Suppose you could say that. -You make a nice couple. Don't I know it. -Don't I know it. So what were you fucking around for, then? -So what were you fucking around for, then? You fuckers set me up. That bitch -- -You fuckers set me up. That bitch -- She's a friend of mine -She's a friend of mine Okay. That nice lady. Meets me in a bar. I'm saying what the fuck am I doing here anyway. She buys me a drink. She holds my hand. I'm looking at her saying I don't like you, bitch. But what the fuck. Maybe I'll get to understand. -Okay. That nice lady. Meets me in a bar. I'm saying what the fuck am I doing here anyway. She buys me a drink. She holds my hand. I'm looking at her saying I don't like you, bitch. But what the fuck. Maybe I'll get to understand. What? -What the fuck am I doing here. What the fuck were you doing here? -What the fuck were you doing here? I got sent. -I got sent. You could have said no. -You could have said no. Can't. Once I signed up. -Can't. Once I signed up. Why did you sign up? -Why did you sign up? It was a job. So I get sent to the only place in the world they call you nigger to your face. -It was a job. So I get sent to the only place in the world they call you nigger to your face. Shouldn't take it personally. -Shouldn't take it personally. """Go back to your banana tree, nigger."" No use telling them I came from Tottenham." -"""Go back to your banana tree, nigger."" No use telling them I came from Tottenham." And you play cricket?. -And you play cricket?. Best game in the world. -Best game in the world. Ever see hurling? -Ever see hurling? That game where a bunch of paddies whack sticks at each other? -That game where a bunch of paddies whack sticks at each other? Best game in the world. -Best game in the world. Never. -Never. The fastest. -Well, in Antigua cricket's the black man's game. The kids play it from the age of two. My daddy had me throwing googlies from the age of five. Then we moved to Tottenham and it was something different. How different? -How different? Toffs' game there. But not at home. . -So when you come to shoot me, Paddy, remember, you're getting rid of a shit- hot bowler. I'll bear that in mind. -Nice to meet you, Fergus. My pleasure, Jody -Take it easy, now. Just go slow. Down by that tree. Tree. -Can't. Well then, you're going to have to take my dick out for me, aren t you? -Now, that was worth waiting for. Hurry up, would you? -Hurry up, would you? These things take time, Fergus. -Now put it back in. Give us a break. -Thank you. I had a case of the clap two years ago. Crabs in Ulster. But all in all it's served me well. Shut up, would you? -Shut up, would you? I'm sorry. Didn't mean to offend you, Fergus. -Fergus? Yeah? -Yeah? Thanks. I know that wasn't easy for you. -So what's that supposed to mean? Means what it says. The scorpion does what is in his nature. Take off the hood, man. -Means what it says. The scorpion does what is in his nature. Take off the hood, man. Why? -Why? 'Cause you're kind. It's in your nature. -See? I was right about you. Don't be so sure. -Don't be so sure. Jody's always right. -Where would you most like to be now, man? Doesn't matter where. -Doesn't matter where. Come on, man. If this shit was all over. -Come on, man. If this shit was all over. Having a pint in the Rock. -Having a pint in the Rock. You lack imagination, Fergus. Think of something more alluring. -You lack imagination, Fergus. Think of something more alluring. Like what? -Like what? Like having a pint in the Metro -- -Having two pints in the Rock. Having a pint in the Metro, and Dil's having a margarita. -Having a pint in the Metro, and Dil's having a margarita. Who's Dil? -Who's Dil? My special friend. -My special friend. Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. We got simple tastes, you and me. -We got simple tastes, you and me. The best. -The best. But you fellas never get a break, do you? -But you fellas never get a break, do you? Do you? -Do you? Oh, yes. We do a tour of duty and we're finished. But you guys are never finished, are you? -Oh, yes. We do a tour of duty and we're finished. But you guys are never finished, are you? We don't look on it like that. -We don't look on it like that. I've often wondered how you do it. -I've often wondered how you do it. Depends on what you believe in. -Depends on what you believe in. What do you believe in? -What do you believe in? That you guys shouldn't be here. -That you guys shouldn't be here. It's as simple as that? -It's as simple as that? Yes. -Is it bad? No. Not bad. Women are trouble, you know that, Fergus? -No. Not bad. Women are trouble, you know that, Fergus? I didn't. -I didn't. Some kinds of women are... -She can't help it. Dil wasn't trouble. No trouble at all. -Dil wasn't trouble. No trouble at all. You liked her? -You liked her? Present tense, please. Love her. Whatever she is. I'm thinking of her now, Fergus. Will you think of her too? -Present tense, please. Love her. Whatever she is. I'm thinking of her now, Fergus. Will you think of her too? Don't know her. -Don't know her. Want you to do something, Fergus. -Want you to do something, Fergus. What? -What? If they kill me -- -If they kill me -- Don't think that way. -Don't think that way. But they will. As sure as night follows day. They have to. I want you to find her out. Tell her I was thinking of her. -See if she's all right. I don't know her. -I don't know her. Take her picture. C'mere. -Take the whole lot. I won't need it. I told you not to talk that way -- -I told you not to talk that way -- Go to Millie's Hair Salon in Spitalfields. Take her to the Metro for a margarita. Don't have to tell her who you are. Just tell her Jody was thinking -- -Go to Millie's Hair Salon in Spitalfields. Take her to the Metro for a margarita. Don't have to tell her who you are. Just tell her Jody was thinking -- Stop it -- -Don't. I'm sorry. -Help me. How can I? -How can I? I don't know. Just help me. Give me a cigarette. -Go to sleep now. I don't want to sleep. Tell me something. -I don't want to sleep. Tell me something. What? -What? A story. -A story. Like the one about the frog? -Like the one about the frog? And the scorpion. No. Tell me anything. -And the scorpion. No. Tell me anything. When I was a child... -When I was a child... Yeah? -Yeah? I thought as a child. But when I became a man I put away childish things... -I thought as a child. But when I became a man I put away childish things... What does that mean? -Nothing. Tell me something, anything. -Not a lot of use, are you, Fergus? Me? No, I'm not good for much... -Take the hood off, Fergus -- No. -I'm glad you're doing it, do you know that, Fergus? Why? -Why? Cause you're my friend. And I want you to go to the Metro -- -Cause you're my friend. And I want you to go to the Metro -- Stop that talk now -- -Stop that talk now -- Hurling's a fast game, isn't it, Fergus? -Hurling's a fast game, isn't it, Fergus? The fastest. -The fastest. Faster than cricket? -Faster than cricket? Cricket's in the halfpenny place. -Cricket's in the halfpenny place. So if I ran now, there's no way I'd beat you, is there? -So if I ran now, there's no way I'd beat you, is there? You won't run. -You won't run. But if I did... you wouldn't shoot a brother in the back -- -You stupid bastard -- What you say, faster? -What you say, faster? I said you bastard -- stop -- -I said you bastard -- stop -- Got to catch me first -- -Used to run the mile, you know -- four times round the cricket pitch -- what was that game called? Hurling -- -Hurling -- What? -What? Hurling -- -The teddy bear? No, fuck the bear. The name. Jude. And it's June. Jude in June. -Don't run off, Jude. You don't know me, do you? -What if I did? You'd know I wouldn't run off. -Never pissed holding a girl's hand, Jude. You didn't? -You didn't? And you know what? -And you know what? Tell me, Jody -Not here. Who gives a fuck. -Who gives a fuck. You never know. -I never know nothing. People. They could be looking. -Come and get me, soldier -- Whatever you say, Jude... -See, if we took the hood off, we'd have to shoot you. As it is, you've got a fifty-fifty chance. Thought you liked me, bitch. -Thought you liked me, bitch. It was fun while it lasted. -It was fun while it lasted. Nice lady. -Have you no feelings, woman? You shut your face -- -You're heading for trouble, Fergus -- He's a good soldier, Jude. -I said shut the fuck up -- He believes in the future -- -You're crazy. Don't let him, Peter. Shut the fuck up, Jude. -Leave him alone, Peter. He's in love. That true, Fergus? You in love? -That fucker's dead -- No, we are. -Give me the shooter, Jude -- You're crazy -- -You're crazy -- Give me the fucking shooter! -Now Dyle, you listen to me -- my mama didn't raise no stupid children. I know who's got the money 'n I ain't disappearing till I got my share -- 'n' my share's growin' a whole lot bigger ev'ry day. Where are you, ol' buddy? -Where are you, ol' buddy? I'll tell you what, fella -- you want t' find me, you jus' turn 'round -- from now on I'll be right behind you. -All right -- where's the letter? The letter? The letter ain't worth nuthin'. -The letter? The letter ain't worth nuthin'. You know what I mean -- the envelope with the stamps. I want it. -You know what I mean -- the envelope with the stamps. I want it. You greenhorn -- you half-witted, thick-skulled, hare-brained, greenhorn! They wuz both too smart for us! -You greenhorn -- you half-witted, thick-skulled, hare-brained, greenhorn! They wuz both too smart for us! What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? First her husband, now her -- she hoodwinked you! She batted all them big eyes and you went 'n fell for it - like a egg from a tall chicken! Here! You want? Here -- it's yours! -Oh, come on! -- there has to be a darn good reason for living the way you do. I want to know what it is. --- there has to be a darn good reason for living the way you do. I want to know what it is. It's simple. I like what I do -- I enjoy doing it. There aren't many men who love their work as much as I do. Look around some time. -It's simple. I like what I do -- I enjoy doing it. There aren't many men who love their work as much as I do. Look around some time. Is there a Mrs. Canfield? -Is there a Mrs. Canfield? Yes, but -- -I could eat a horse. I think that's what you ordered. -I think that's what you ordered. Don't you dare to be civil with me! All this time you were leading me on -- -Don't you dare to be civil with me! All this time you were leading me on -- How was I leading you on? -How was I leading you on? All that marvelous rejection -- you knew I couldn't resist it. Now it turns out you were only interested in the money. -All that marvelous rejection -- you knew I couldn't resist it. Now it turns out you were only interested in the money. That's right. -That's right. Oh! -Oh! What would you like me to say -- that a pretty girl with an outrageous manner means more to an old pro like me than a quarter of a million dollars? -What would you like me to say -- that a pretty girl with an outrageous manner means more to an old pro like me than a quarter of a million dollars? No -- I guess not. -No -- I guess not. It's a toss-up, I can tell you that. -It's a toss-up, I can tell you that. What? -What? Don't you know I'm having a tough time keeping my eyes off of you? -Oh, you should see your face. What about it? -What about it? It's lovely. -What's the matter? I'm not hungry -- isn't it glorious? -Adam! It's all right -- look. -You don't look so bad in this light. Why do you think I brought you here? -Why do you think I brought you here? I thought maybe you wanted me to see the kind of work the competition was turning out. -I thought maybe you wanted me to see the kind of work the competition was turning out. Pretty good, huh? I taught them everything they do. -Pretty good, huh? I taught them everything they do. Oh? Did they do that sort of thing way back in your day? -Oh? Did they do that sort of thing way back in your day? How do you think I got here? -Aren't you allowed to kiss back? No. The doctor said it would be bad for my -- thermostat. -When you come on, you really come on. Well -- come on. -I know why you're not taken -- no one can catch up with you. Relax -- you're gaining. -That wraps it up -- Tex has the money. Go back to bed -- I'll let you know when I've found him. You're going to look for him -- now? -You're going to look for him -- now? If the police find him first they're not very likely to turn over a quarter of a million dollars to us, are they? -If the police find him first they're not very likely to turn over a quarter of a million dollars to us, are they? Adam -- -Adam -- There's no time -- I'll call you in the morning. -What is it? Open up. -I think we were wrong about Tex having the money. Why? -Why? I just heard from him -- he's still hungry. That means killing Gideon didn't get it for him -- so he's narrowed it down to us. You've got it. -I just heard from him -- he's still hungry. That means killing Gideon didn't get it for him -- so he's narrowed it down to us. You've got it. I've looked, Adam -- you know I have -- -I've looked, Adam -- you know I have -- Where's that airlines bag? -Where's that airlines bag? Lord, you're stubborn. -Lord, you're stubborn. I sure am. Get it. -But everyone and his Aunt Lilian's been through that bag. Somebody would have seen it. Let's look anyway. -Let's look anyway. Lord, you're stubborn. -Lord, you're stubborn. I mean, it's there, Reggie. If only we could see it. We're looking at it right now. -Electric razor -- comb -- steamship ticket -- fountain pen -- four passports -- toothbrush -- wallet -- key -- what about that? To the apartment -- it matches mine perfectly. -To the apartment -- it matches mine perfectly. The letter -- -It still doesn't make sense, but it isn't worth any quarter of a million either. Have we forgotten anything? The tooth powder. Wait a minute -- could you recognize heroin just by tasting it? -Heroin -- peppermint-flavored heroin. Well, I guess that's it -- dead end. -Well, I guess that's it -- dead end. Go to bed. You've got to be at work in the morning. There's nothing more we can do tonight. -Go to bed. You've got to be at work in the morning. There's nothing more we can do tonight. I love you, Adam. -I love you, Adam. Yes, you told me. -Yes, you told me. "No -- last time I said ""I love you, Alex.""" -Reggie -- I think I've found -- are you on? No, it's all right. What's wrong, Adam? -No, it's all right. What's wrong, Adam? Nothing's wrong. I think I found something. I was snooping around Tex's room and I found this in the waste basket. I've stuck it back together. -You're right. I remember Grandpierre looking through it. But there was nothing in it -- at least, nothing that the police thought was very important. Can you remember anything at all? -Can you remember anything at all? Grandpierre asked me about an appointment Charles had -- on the day he was killed. -Grandpierre asked me about an appointment Charles had -- on the day he was killed. With whom? Where? -With whom? Where? I think it only said where -- but I can't -- -I think it only said where -- but I can't -- Think, Reggie, you've got to think -- it may be what we're looking for. -Think, Reggie, you've got to think -- it may be what we're looking for. That money's not ours, Adam -- if we keep it, we'll be breaking the law. -That money's not ours, Adam -- if we keep it, we'll be breaking the law. Nonsense. We didn't steal it. There's no law against stealing stolen money. -Nonsense. We didn't steal it. There's no law against stealing stolen money. Of course there is! -Of course there is! There is? Well, I can't say I think very much of a silly law like that. Think, Reggie -- please think -- what was written in Charles' notebook? -There is? Well, I can't say I think very much of a silly law like that. Think, Reggie -- please think -- what was written in Charles' notebook? Well -- it was a place -- a street corner, I think. But I don't -- Hold it. I'm on. -as outlined in report number three- nine-stroke-five-two of the Western Hemisphere Conference held on March 22 -- no wait! It was last Thursday, five o'clock at the Jardin des Champs- Élysées! Adam -- that was it! The garden! It's Thursday today -- and it's almost five -- come on! -Now what? Five o'clock -- Thursday -- the Garden -- it's got to be something around here. -Five o'clock -- Thursday -- the Garden -- it's got to be something around here. But Charles' appointment was last week, not -- -But Charles' appointment was last week, not -- I know, but this is all we've got left. -I know, but this is all we've got left. Well, you're right there. Ten minutes ago I had a job. -Well, you're right there. Ten minutes ago I had a job. Stop grousing. If we find the money I'll buy you an international conference all your own. Now start looking. You take this side and I'll poke around over there. -It's hopeless -- I don't even know what we're looking for. It's all right -- I don't think Tex does, either. -It's all right -- I don't think Tex does, either. Tex? You mean he's here, too? -Tex? You mean he's here, too? Look. -Reggie -- stop! Why? So you can kill me too? Tex is dead, I've seen him! He said Dyle did it! -Why? So you can kill me too? Tex is dead, I've seen him! He said Dyle did it! I'm not Dyle -- you know that! -I'm not Dyle -- you know that! But Tex didn't -- he still thought -- ! -But Tex didn't -- he still thought -- ! Don't be an idiot! -Reggie -- why won't you listen? I'm through listening to you! -But I didn't kill anybody. Then who did? You're the only one left. -Reggie -- please believe me! No! -He's -- with the C.I.A. -- I've seen him at the Embassy. Don't be a fool! He's Carson Dyle! -Reggie -- listen to me! You lied to me so many times -- -You lied to me so many times -- Reggie -- trust me once more -- please. -Reggie -- trust me once more -- please. Can I really believe you this time, Adam? -Can I really believe you this time, Adam? There's not a reason on earth why you should. -You didn't have to chase me so hard -- Here, give it to me. -I'm sorry I thought you were the murderer, Adam -- how did I know that he was as big a liar as you are? And that's all the gratitude I get for saving your hide. -And that's all the gratitude I get for saving your hide. The truth, now -- was it my hide -- or the stamps? -The truth, now -- was it my hide -- or the stamps? What a terrible thing to say. How could you even think that? -What a terrible thing to say. How could you even think that? All right, prove it to me -- tell me to go to the Embassy first thing in the morning and turn in those stamps. -I said, tell me to go to the -- I heard you, I heard you. -I heard you, I heard you. Then say it. -Then say it. Reggie -- listen to me -- -Reggie -- listen to me -- Never mind -- I'll go by myself. -Never mind -- I'll go by myself. What makes you think they're even interested? It's only a quarter of a million -- it'll cost more than that to fix up their bookkeeping. As a taxpayer -- -I'm sorry -- my secretary must have gone to lunch. You are -- ? Mrs. Lampert -- Mrs. Charles Lampert. -Mrs. Lampert -- Mrs. Charles Lampert. Come in, Mrs. Lampert. You're quite late. -Dry-cleaningwise, things are all fouled up. I had a good man -- an excellent man on the Rue Ponthieu, but H.Q. asked us to use the plant here in the building -- to ease the gold outflow. Mr. Bartholomew -- are you sure you know who I am? -Mr. Bartholomew -- are you sure you know who I am? Charles Lampert's widow -- yes? Last time I sent out a tie only the spot came back. -Have some, please. I've got... ...liverwurst -- liverwurst -- chicken and -- liverwurst. No thanks. -Do you know what C.I.A. is, Mrs. Lampert? I don't suppose it's an airline, is it? -I don't suppose it's an airline, is it? Central Intelligence Agency -- C.I.A. -Central Intelligence Agency -- C.I.A. You mean spies and things like that? -You mean spies and things like that? Only we call them agents. -Only we call them agents. We? You mean you're --? -We? You mean you're --? Someone has to do it, Mrs. Lampert -- -Someone has to do it, Mrs. Lampert -- I'm sorry, it's just that I didn't think that you people were supposed to admit -- -I'm sorry, it's just that I didn't think that you people were supposed to admit -- I'm not an agent, Mrs. Lampert -- I'm an administrator -- a desk jockey -- trying to run a bureau of overworked men with under-allocated funds. Congress seems to think that all a spy needs -- -I'm not an agent, Mrs. Lampert -- I'm an administrator -- a desk jockey -- trying to run a bureau of overworked men with under-allocated funds. Congress seems to think that all a spy needs -- Agent. -Agent. Yes -- That all he needs is a code book and a cyanide pill and he's in business. -Yes -- That all he needs is a code book and a cyanide pill and he's in business. What's all this got to do with me, Mr. Bartholomew? -What's all this got to do with me, Mr. Bartholomew? Your husband was wanted by the U. S. government. -Your husband was wanted by the U. S. government. May I have a sandwich, please? -To be more specific, he was wanted by this agency. So that was it. -So that was it. Yes. We knew him, of course, by his real name. -Yes. We knew him, of course, by his real name. His -- real -- ? -His -- real -- ? Voss -- Charles Voss. All right, Mrs. Voss -- -- I'd like you to look at this photograph, please -- by the way, you saw this one, didn't you? Scott, Cathy, and Ham, Jr. -Voss -- Charles Voss. All right, Mrs. Voss -- -- I'd like you to look at this photograph, please -- by the way, you saw this one, didn't you? Scott, Cathy, and Ham, Jr. Very sweet. -Very sweet. Aren't they? Now look at this one, Mrs. Voss, and -- -Aren't they? Now look at this one, Mrs. Voss, and -- Stop calling me that! Lampert's the name on the marriage license. -Stop calling me that! Lampert's the name on the marriage license. Yes -- and tell me if you recognize anyone. Just a moment. Have a good look. -Mrs. Lampert, I'm afraid you're in a great deal of danger. Danger? Why should I be in any danger? -Danger? Why should I be in any danger? You're Charles Voss's wife -- now that he's dead you're their only lead. -You're Charles Voss's wife -- now that he's dead you're their only lead. Mr. Bartholomew -- if you're trying to frighten me you're doing a really first-rate job! -Mr. Bartholomew -- if you're trying to frighten me you're doing a really first-rate job! Please, do what we ask, Mrs. Lampert -- it's your only chance. -Please, do what we ask, Mrs. Lampert -- it's your only chance. Gladly, only I don't know what you want! You haven't told me. -Gladly, only I don't know what you want! You haven't told me. Oh, haven't I? The money -- Mrs. Lampert -- the money. The $250,000 Charles Voss received from the auction. Those three men want it, too -- they want it very badly. -Oh, haven't I? The money -- Mrs. Lampert -- the money. The $250,000 Charles Voss received from the auction. Those three men want it, too -- they want it very badly. But it's Charles's money, not theirs. -But it's Charles's money, not theirs. Oh, Mrs. Lampert! I'd love to see you try and convince them of that! Oh, dear. -Oh, Mrs. Lampert! I'd love to see you try and convince them of that! Oh, dear. Then whose is it? His or theirs? -Then whose is it? His or theirs? Ours. -Ours. Oh, I see. -Oh, I see. And I'm afraid we want it back. -And I'm afraid we want it back. But I don't have it. -But I don't have it. That's impossible. You're the only one who could have it. -That's impossible. You're the only one who could have it. I'm sorry it's impossible. It's the truth. -I believe you. Thanks very much. -Thanks very much. Oh, you've got the money all right -- you just don't know you've got it. -Oh, you've got the money all right -- you just don't know you've got it. Mr. Bartholomew -- if I had a quarter of a million dollars, believe me, I'd know it. -Mr. Bartholomew -- if I had a quarter of a million dollars, believe me, I'd know it. Nevertheless, Mrs Lampert -- you've got it. -Nevertheless, Mrs Lampert -- you've got it. You mean it's just lying around someplace -- all that cash? -You mean it's just lying around someplace -- all that cash? Or a safe deposit key, a certified check, a baggage claim -- you look for it, Mrs. Lampert -- I'm quite sure you'll find it. -Or a safe deposit key, a certified check, a baggage claim -- you look for it, Mrs. Lampert -- I'm quite sure you'll find it. But -- -But -- Look for it, Mrs. Lampert -- look just as hard and as fast as you can. You may not have a great deal of time. Those men know you have it just as surely as we do. You won't be safe until the money's in our hands. Is that clear? -Here's where you're to call me -- day or night. It's a direct line to both my office and my apartment. Don't lose it, Mrs. Lampert -- and please don't tell anyone about coming to see me. It could prove fatal for them as well as yourself. Wait a minute -- you think those three men killed Charles, don't you? -Wait a minute -- you think those three men killed Charles, don't you? We've no proof, of course, but we rather think so, yes. -We've no proof, of course, but we rather think so, yes. Well, there you are! Charles had the money with him -- so whoever killed him has it -- they have it! -Why not? Because they're still here. -Because they're still here. Oh. -Oh. Like I said, Mrs Lampert -- I'm afraid you're in a great deal of danger. Remember what happened to Charles. -I don't know who this Mr. Dyle is, but it's just possible we were wrong about who killed your husband. You mean he might have -- Mr. Bartholomew, I'm catching the next plane out of here -- I'm not going to sit here and wait for someone to make chopped liver out of me! -You mean he might have -- Mr. Bartholomew, I'm catching the next plane out of here -- I'm not going to sit here and wait for someone to make chopped liver out of me! Where are you now -- can you meet me? Do you know Les Halles? -Where are you now -- can you meet me? Do you know Les Halles? Yes, where? -- in fifteen minutes. I'll be there. -What did you want to see me about, Mr. Bartholomew? Were you followed? -Were you followed? Yes, but I lost him. I really did it quite brilliantly. I'm beginning to think women make the best spies. -Yes, but I lost him. I really did it quite brilliantly. I'm beginning to think women make the best spies. Agents. -Agents. He has a gun, Mr. Bartholomew -- I saw it. -He has a gun, Mr. Bartholomew -- I saw it. Who? -Who? Dyle, or whatever his name is. -Dyle, or whatever his name is. What does your Mr. Dyle look like, Mrs. Lampert? -What does your Mr. Dyle look like, Mrs. Lampert? He's hardly my Mr. Dyle. -He's hardly my Mr. Dyle. Describe him. -Describe him. Well -- he's tall -- over six feet -- rather thin -- in good physical shape, I'd say -- dark eyes -- quite handsome, really. -Well -- he's tall -- over six feet -- rather thin -- in good physical shape, I'd say -- dark eyes -- quite handsome, really. No. -No. No, what? -No, what? That's not Carson Dyle. -That's not Carson Dyle. Carson? -Carson? There's only one Dyle connected with this affair, Mrs. Lampert -- that's Carson. -There's only one Dyle connected with this affair, Mrs. Lampert -- that's Carson. You mean you've known about him all along? Why didn't you tell me? -Mr. Bartholomew -- why didn't you tell me you knew about Dyle? I didn't see any point. Dyle's dead. -I didn't see any point. Dyle's dead. Dead? Mr. Bartholomew -- maybe you'd better tell me what this thing's all about. -I suppose you're old enough to have heard of World War Two? Barely, yes. -Barely, yes. In 1944, five members of the O.S.S. -- the military espionage unit -- were ordered behind the German lines for the purpose of delivering $250,000 in gold to the French Underground. The five men -- -Café. Gratinée, choucroute garnie, salade de pommes -- et un ballon de rouge. -Gratinée, choucroute garnie, salade de pommes -- et un ballon de rouge. Mrs. Lampert, I really hadn't planned on spending the entire night here. -Mrs. Lampert, I really hadn't planned on spending the entire night here. Can I at least keep the onion soup? -Go on, please -- five men -- $250,000 -- the French Underground -- Yes. The five men. They were, of course, your husband, Charles, the three men who showed up at his funeral yesterday, and Carson Dyle. But something went wrong and they were unable to locate their contact. It must have been at that point that they decided to steal the money. -Yes. The five men. They were, of course, your husband, Charles, the three men who showed up at his funeral yesterday, and Carson Dyle. But something went wrong and they were unable to locate their contact. It must have been at that point that they decided to steal the money. Steal it how? -Steal it how? By burying it, and then reporting that the Germans had captured it. All they had to do was come back after the war, dig it up and split it five ways -- a quarter of a million dollars with no questions asked. -By burying it, and then reporting that the Germans had captured it. All they had to do was come back after the war, dig it up and split it five ways -- a quarter of a million dollars with no questions asked. May I have a cigarette, please? -Have you any idea what these things cost over here? Please go on, Mr. Bartholomew -- what happened then? -Please go on, Mr. Bartholomew -- what happened then? Scobie was able to travel, but Carson Dyle was clearly dying, so they -- -Carson was dying so they were forced to leave him. They finally got back to the base, made their report, and waited for the war to end. Only Charles couldn't wait quite as long as the others. He beat them back to the gold, took everything for himself and disappeared. It's taken Gideon, Tex and Scobie all this time to catch up with him again. But if they stole all that money -- why can't you arrest them? -But if they stole all that money -- why can't you arrest them? We know what happened from the bits and pieces we were able to paste together -- but we still have no proof. -We know what happened from the bits and pieces we were able to paste together -- but we still have no proof. But what has all this got to do with the C.I.O.? -But what has all this got to do with the C.I.O.? C.I.A., Mrs. Lampert. We're an extension of the wartime O.S.S. It was our money and we want it back. -C.I.A., Mrs. Lampert. We're an extension of the wartime O.S.S. It was our money and we want it back. I'm sorry, Mr. Bartholomew, but nothing you've told me has changed my mind. I still intend leaving Paris -- tonight. -I'm sorry, Mr. Bartholomew, but nothing you've told me has changed my mind. I still intend leaving Paris -- tonight. I wouldn't advise that, Mrs. Lampert. You'd better consider what happened to your husband when he tried to leave. Those men won't be very far away -- no matter where you go. In fact, I don't even see any point in your changing hotels. Please help us, Mrs. Lampert. Your government is counting on you. -I wouldn't advise that, Mrs. Lampert. You'd better consider what happened to your husband when he tried to leave. Those men won't be very far away -- no matter where you go. In fact, I don't even see any point in your changing hotels. Please help us, Mrs. Lampert. Your government is counting on you. Well, if I'm going to die, I might as well do it for my country. -Well, if I'm going to die, I might as well do it for my country. That's the spirit. -That's the spirit. Oh, stop it. What do you want me to do? -Oh, stop it. What do you want me to do? We're anxious to know who this man is -- the one calling himself Dyle. -We're anxious to know who this man is -- the one calling himself Dyle. Maybe he really is Dyle. He could still be alive. -Maybe he really is Dyle. He could still be alive. No, Mrs. Lampert. -No, Mrs. Lampert. But no one actually saw him die. -But no one actually saw him die. No, Mrs. Lampert. His death is registered with the War Department in Washington. -No, Mrs. Lampert. His death is registered with the War Department in Washington. Oh. Then who's this one? -Oh. Then who's this one? I don't know -- but I think you'd better find out, don't you? -I don't know -- but I think you'd better find out, don't you? Me? Why me? -Me? Why me? You're in an ideal position -- he trusts you. Besides, you said yourself, women make the best spies. -You're in an ideal position -- he trusts you. Besides, you said yourself, women make the best spies. Agents. -Yes -- ? Mrs. Lampert? -- Bartholomew. I've spoken to Washington, Mrs. Lampert -- -Mrs. Lampert? -- Bartholomew. I've spoken to Washington, Mrs. Lampert -- Go ahead, Mr. Bartholomew -- I'm listening. -Go ahead, Mr. Bartholomew -- I'm listening. I told them what you said -- about this man being Carson Dyle's brother. I asked them what they knew about it and they told me -- you're not gonna like this, Mrs. Lampert -- they told me Carson Dyle has no brother. -Are you sure there's no mistake? None whatsoever. Please, Mrs. Lampert -- be careful. -Just a minute, Mrs. Lampert -- you'd better give that to me slowly. Who's Adam? The one who said he was Dyle's brother -- of course I'm sure -- Tex wrote the word 'Dyle' before he died. He's the murderer I tell you -- he's the only one left! You've got to do something! -The one who said he was Dyle's brother -- of course I'm sure -- Tex wrote the word 'Dyle' before he died. He's the murderer I tell you -- he's the only one left! You've got to do something! Calm down, Mrs. Lampert -- please. Does he have the money? -Calm down, Mrs. Lampert -- please. Does he have the money? No, I do -- it was the stamps on that letter Charles had with him on the train. They were in plain sight all the time, but no one ever bothered looking at the envelope. -No, I do -- it was the stamps on that letter Charles had with him on the train. They were in plain sight all the time, but no one ever bothered looking at the envelope. The envelope -- imagine that. Mrs. Lampert, listen to me -- you're not safe as long as you've got these stamps. Go to the Embassy right away -- wait, I'd better meet you halfway -- it's quicker. Now, let's see -- do you know the center garden at the Palais Royal? -- yes, by the colonnade -- as soon as you can get there. Hurry, Mrs. Lampert. -The envelope -- imagine that. Mrs. Lampert, listen to me -- you're not safe as long as you've got these stamps. Go to the Embassy right away -- wait, I'd better meet you halfway -- it's quicker. Now, let's see -- do you know the center garden at the Palais Royal? -- yes, by the colonnade -- as soon as you can get there. Hurry, Mrs. Lampert. Yes, I'm leaving now -- goodbye. -It's Charles! Very good. -Very good. He looks so young -- when was this taken? -He looks so young -- when was this taken? 1944. The next face, please. -It's the man who came to the funeral yesterday -- I'm sure of it -- a tall man in a corduroy suit and string tie. Does the name Tex Penthollow mean anything to you? -Does the name Tex Penthollow mean anything to you? No. -No. Next, please. -Yes -- and he was there, too -- a little fatter now -- and less hair -- but it's the same one. Do you know him, Mrs. Vo -- Mrs. Lampert? Leopold W. Gideon? -Do you know him, Mrs. Vo -- Mrs. Lampert? Leopold W. Gideon? No. -No. The last one, please. -That's a face you don't forget -- he was there too -- Herman Scobie. And you've never seen him before, either? -Herman Scobie. And you've never seen him before, either? No, thank heaven. -Well, of all the mean, rotten, contemptible, crooked -- Crooked? I should think you'd be glad to find out I wasn't crooked. -Crooked? I should think you'd be glad to find out I wasn't crooked. You couldn't even be honest about being dishonest. Why didn't you say something? -You couldn't even be honest about being dishonest. Why didn't you say something? We're not allowed to tell. May I have the stamps, please? -We're not allowed to tell. May I have the stamps, please? Here -- Wait a minute -- how did Carson Dyle get an office in here, anyway? -Here -- Wait a minute -- how did Carson Dyle get an office in here, anyway? When did you see him -- what time, I mean? -When did you see him -- what time, I mean? Around one. -Around one. The lunch hour. He probably worked it out in advance. He found an office that was usually left open and just moved in for the time you were here. -The lunch hour. He probably worked it out in advance. He found an office that was usually left open and just moved in for the time you were here. Then how do I know this is your office? -Then how do I know this is your office? Mrs. Foster -- send a memo to Bartholomew at Security recommending that -- -Mrs. Foster -- send a memo to Bartholomew at Security recommending that -- Bartholomew? -Bartholomew? -- recommending that all Embassy offices be locked during the lunch hour. --- recommending that all Embassy offices be locked during the lunch hour. Starting with his own. -Starting with his own. Okay, now -- hand over those stamps. -Okay, now -- hand over those stamps. What's your first name today? -What's your first name today? Brian. -Brian. Brian Cruikshank -- it would serve me right if I got stuck with that one. -Brian Cruikshank -- it would serve me right if I got stuck with that one. Who asked you to get stuck with any of them? -Who asked you to get stuck with any of them? Is there a Mrs. Cruikshank? -Is there a Mrs. Cruikshank? Yes. -Yes. But you're -- divorced? -But you're -- divorced? No. -No. Oh. -Oh. My mother -- she lives in Detroit. Come on now -- give me those stamps. -My mother -- she lives in Detroit. Come on now -- give me those stamps. Only if you can prove to me that you're really Brian Cruikshank. -Only if you can prove to me that you're really Brian Cruikshank. How about if next week some time I put it on a marriage license -- that ought to -- -How about if next week some time I put it on a marriage license -- that ought to -- Quit stalling -- I want to see some identification -- now! -Quit stalling -- I want to see some identification -- now! I wouldn't lie on a thing like that -- I could go to jail. -I wouldn't lie on a thing like that -- I could go to jail. You'd lie about anything. -You'd lie about anything. Well, maybe we'd better forget about it, then. -Well, maybe we'd better forget about it, then. You can't prove it, can you? You're still trying to -- marriage license! Did you say -- ? -You can't prove it, can you? You're still trying to -- marriage license! Did you say -- ? I didn't say anything. Will you give me those stamps? -I didn't say anything. Will you give me those stamps? You did too say it -- I heard you. Oh, I love you Adam -- I mean Alex -- er, Peter -- Brian. I hope we have lots of boys -- we can name them all after you. -You did too say it -- I heard you. Oh, I love you Adam -- I mean Alex -- er, Peter -- Brian. I hope we have lots of boys -- we can name them all after you. Before we start on that, do you mind handing over the stamps? -If you do anything funny, or try to talk to anyone, I'll kill you, Dyle -- here and now. Okay? You'll wreck your raincoat. -What now? We wait -- with our mouths shut. -How long do you intend -- ? I said with the mouth shut. -Sorry about that. Okay -- up there. -Do I knock or something? Open it. -Keep going. The view had better be worth it. -Very pretty. Now what? I'll give you a chance, Dyle -- which is more than you'd give me. Where's the money? -I'll give you a chance, Dyle -- which is more than you'd give me. Where's the money? Is that why you dragged me all the way up here -- to ask me that? She has it -- you know that. -Is that why you dragged me all the way up here -- to ask me that? She has it -- you know that. And I say maybe you both have it! One more time, Dyle -- where is it? -And I say maybe you both have it! One more time, Dyle -- where is it? Supposing I did have it -- which I don't -- do you really think I'd hand it over? -Supposing I did have it -- which I don't -- do you really think I'd hand it over? You're out, Dyle -- right now! -Back where? That's the idea. -And stop threatening that boy. He doesn't have the money. Mrs. Lampert doesn't either. Then who does? -Then who does? I don't know, Herman -- maybe you do. -I don't know, Herman -- maybe you do. Me? -Me? Or you -- Or you -- -That's a crock! If one of us did that he wouldn't hang around here waiting for the other two to wise up. But he'd have to. If he left he'd be admitting his guilt -- and the others would know what happened. Whoever it is has to wait here, pretending to look for the money, waiting for the rest of us to give up and go home. That's when he'll be safe and not a minute before. -He's just tryin' to throw us off! They've got it, I tell you! Why don't we search their rooms? It's all right with us -- -Not my room! What's wrong, Herman -- have you got something to hide? Then I take it there are no objections. -We'd better exchange keys. Here's mine. I'll take that. -Good morning, Mr. Dyle. Reggie? -Reggie? It's the only name I've got. How about you? -It's the only name I've got. How about you? No cat and mouse -- you've got me. What do you want to know? -No cat and mouse -- you've got me. What do you want to know? Why you lied to me. -Why you lied to me. I had to -- for all I knew you could have been in on the whole thing. -I had to -- for all I knew you could have been in on the whole thing. Well, you know now, so please tell me who you are. -Well, you know now, so please tell me who you are. But you know my name -- it's Dyle. -But you know my name -- it's Dyle. Carson Dyle is dead. -Carson Dyle is dead. Yes, he is. He was my brother. -Yes, he is. He was my brother. Your -- -Your -- The army thinks he was killed in action by the Germans, but I think they did it -- Tex, Gideon and Scobie -- and your husband -- because he wouldn't go along with their scheme to steal the gold. I think he threatened to turn them in and they killed him. I'm trying to prove it. They think I'm working with them. But I'm not, and that's the truth. I'm on your side, Reggie -- please believe that. -The army thinks he was killed in action by the Germans, but I think they did it -- Tex, Gideon and Scobie -- and your husband -- because he wouldn't go along with their scheme to steal the gold. I think he threatened to turn them in and they killed him. I'm trying to prove it. They think I'm working with them. But I'm not, and that's the truth. I'm on your side, Reggie -- please believe that. How can I? You lied to me -- the way Charles did -- and after promising you wouldn't. Oh, I want to believe you, Peter... oh, but I can't call you that anymore, can I? It will take me a while to get used to your new name -- which I don't even know yet. What is it? Aren't you going to tell me? Hello -- ? -Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to -- What happened? I met a man with sharp nails. -I met a man with sharp nails. Scobie? -Scobie? I left him hanging around the American Express. -I left him hanging around the American Express. Come on -- I've got something that stings like crazy. -Listen -- all I really want is an estimate. It's not so bad. You may not be able to lie on your back for a few days -- but, then, you can lie from any position, can't you? -Does it hurt? Haven't you got a bullet I can bite? -Are you really Carson Dyle's brother? Would you like to see my passport? -Would you like to see my passport? Your passport! What kind of a proof is that? -Your passport! What kind of a proof is that? Would you like to see where I was tattooed? -Would you like to see where I was tattooed? Sure. -Sure. Okay, I'll drive you around there some day. Ouch! -Okay, I'll drive you around there some day. Ouch! Ha ha. You could at least tell me what your first name is these days. -Ha ha. You could at least tell me what your first name is these days. Alexander. -Alexander. Is there a Mrs. Dyle? -Is there a Mrs. Dyle? Yes, but we're divorced. -Yes, but we're divorced. I thought that was Peter Joshua. -I thought that was Peter Joshua. I'm no easier to live with than he was. -I'm no easier to live with than he was. There -- you're a new man. -I'm sorry I couldn't tell you the truth, but I had to find out your part in all this. Alex -- how can you tell if someone is lying or not? -Alex -- how can you tell if someone is lying or not? You can't. -You can't. There must be some way. -There must be some way. There's an old riddle about two tribes of Indians -- the Whitefeet always tell the truth and the Blackfeet always lie. So one day you meet an Indian, you ask him if he's a truthful Whitefoot or a lying Blackfoot? He tells you he's a truthful Whitefoot, but which one is he? -There's an old riddle about two tribes of Indians -- the Whitefeet always tell the truth and the Blackfeet always lie. So one day you meet an Indian, you ask him if he's a truthful Whitefoot or a lying Blackfoot? He tells you he's a truthful Whitefoot, but which one is he? Why couldn't you just look at his feet? -Why couldn't you just look at his feet? Because he's wearing moccasins. -Because he's wearing moccasins. Oh. Well, then he's a truthful Whitefoot, of course. -Oh. Well, then he's a truthful Whitefoot, of course. Why not a lying Blackfoot? -Why not a lying Blackfoot? Which one are you? -Which one are you? Whitefoot, of course. -Whitefoot, of course. Come here. -I hope it turns out you're a Whitefoot, Alex -- I could be very happy hanging around the tepee. Reggie -- listen to me -- -Reggie -- listen to me -- Oh-oh -- here it comes. The fatherly talk. You forget I'm already a widow. -Oh-oh -- here it comes. The fatherly talk. You forget I'm already a widow. So was Juliet -- at fifteen. -So was Juliet -- at fifteen. I'm not fifteen. -I'm not fifteen. Well, there's your trouble right there -- you're too old for me. -Well, there's your trouble right there -- you're too old for me. Why can't you be serious? -Why can't you be serious? There, you said it. -There, you said it. Said what? -Said what? Serious. When a man gets to be my age that's the last word he ever wants to hear. I don't want to be serious -- and I especially don't want you to be. -Serious. When a man gets to be my age that's the last word he ever wants to hear. I don't want to be serious -- and I especially don't want you to be. Okay -- I'll tell you what -- we'll just sit around all day long being frivolous -- how about that? -Now please, Reggie -- cut it out. Okay. -Okay. What are you doing? -What are you doing? Cutting it out. -Cutting it out. Who told you to do that? -Who told you to do that? You did. -You did. But I'm not through complaining yet. -But I'm not through complaining yet. Oh. -Now please, Reggie -- cut it out. I think I love you, Alex -- -The phone's ringing -- Whoever it is won't give up -- and neither will I. -They've got Jean-Louis! That sounds like their problem. -That sounds like their problem. I'll be right there. -What day is it? Tuesday. -Tuesday. Lord, I forgot all about it -- Sylvie works late Tuesday nights -- she always leaves him with me. They wouldn't do anything to a little boy, would they? -Lord, I forgot all about it -- Sylvie works late Tuesday nights -- she always leaves him with me. They wouldn't do anything to a little boy, would they? I don't know -- it depends on whether or not they've already eaten. -Hello, Herman, it was a happy landing, I see. I'd better call Sylvie -- she must be frantic. -Come on -- let's get busy. Who gets your vote? Scobie -- he's the one that objected. -Scobie -- he's the one that objected. He's all yours. I'll do Tex and Gideon. Take Jean-Louis with you -- and make sure you bolt the door from inside. -He's all yours. I'll do Tex and Gideon. Take Jean-Louis with you -- and make sure you bolt the door from inside. Viens, Jean-Louis -- we're going to have a treasure hunt. -Reggie -- ? Did you find it? No. -Who do you think did it -- Gideon? Maybe. -Maybe. Or Tex? -Or Tex? Maybe. -Maybe. You're a big help. Can I have one of those? -I think Tex did it. Why? -Why? Because I really suspect Gideon -- and it is always the person you don't suspect. -Because I really suspect Gideon -- and it is always the person you don't suspect. Do women think it's feminine to be so illogical -- or can't they help it? -Do women think it's feminine to be so illogical -- or can't they help it? What's so illogical about that? -What's so illogical about that? A) It's always the person you don't suspect; B) that means you think it's Tex because you really suspect Gideon; therefore C) if you think it's Tex, it has to be someone else -- Gideon. -A) It's always the person you don't suspect; B) that means you think it's Tex because you really suspect Gideon; therefore C) if you think it's Tex, it has to be someone else -- Gideon. Oh. I guess they just can't help it. -Oh. I guess they just can't help it. Who? -Who? Women. You know, I can't help feeling rather sorry for Scobie. Wouldn't it be nice if we were like that? -Women. You know, I can't help feeling rather sorry for Scobie. Wouldn't it be nice if we were like that? What -- like Scobie? -What -- like Scobie? No -- Gene Kelly. Remember the way he danced down there next to the river in 'American in Paris' -- without a care in the world? This is good, want some? -I'd love some, thanks. I'm sorry. -No sense messing up the streets. Alex -- -Alex -- Hm? -Hm? I'm scared. -I'm scared. Don't worry, I'm not going to hit you. -Don't worry, I'm not going to hit you. No, about Scobie, I mean. I can't think of any reason why he was killed. -Maybe somebody felt that four shares were too many -- What makes you think that this somebody will be satisfied with three? He wants it all, Alex -- that means we're in his way, too. -What makes you think that this somebody will be satisfied with three? He wants it all, Alex -- that means we're in his way, too. Yes, I know. -Yes, I know. First your brother, then Charles, now Scobie -- we've got to do something! Any minute now we could be assassinated! Would you do anything like that? -First your brother, then Charles, now Scobie -- we've got to do something! Any minute now we could be assassinated! Would you do anything like that? What? Assassinate somebody? -What? Assassinate somebody? No -- -Hurry up and change -- I'm starved. Let me know what you want -- I'll pick a suit that matches. -Got you. Did you ever hear the story of the boy who cried wolf? -Did you ever hear the story of the boy who cried wolf? The shower's in there. -Reggie -- open the door. This is a ludicrous situation. There must be dozens of men dying to use my shower. -This is a ludicrous situation. There must be dozens of men dying to use my shower. Then I suggest you call one of them. -Then I suggest you call one of them. I dare you. -What are you doing? Have you ever heard of anyone taking a shower with his shoes on? What a nut. -I usually sing a medley of old favorites when I bathe -- any requests? Shut the door! -Shut the door! I don't think I know that one. -The suit needs it more than I do, anyway. How often do you go through this little ritual? -Every day. The manufacturer recommends it. I don't believe it. -Reggie -- you haven't spoken a word in twenty minutes. I keep thinking about Charles and Scobie -- and the one who's going to be next -- me? -I keep thinking about Charles and Scobie -- and the one who's going to be next -- me? Nothing's going to happen to you while I'm around -- I want you to believe that. -Nothing's going to happen to you while I'm around -- I want you to believe that. How can I believe it when you don't even know who the killer is? I've got that right, haven't I? You don't know who did it. -How can I believe it when you don't even know who the killer is? I've got that right, haven't I? You don't know who did it. No -- not yet. -No -- not yet. But then if we sit back and wait, the field should start narrowing down, shouldn't it? Whoever's left alive at the end will pretty well have sewn up the nomination, wouldn't you say so? -But then if we sit back and wait, the field should start narrowing down, shouldn't it? Whoever's left alive at the end will pretty well have sewn up the nomination, wouldn't you say so? Are you trying to say that I might have killed Charles and Scobie? -What do I have to do to satisfy you -- become the next victim? It's a start, anyway. -It's a start, anyway. I don't understand you at all -- one minute you're chasing me around the shower room and the next you're accusing me of murder. -I don't understand you at all -- one minute you're chasing me around the shower room and the next you're accusing me of murder. Carson Dyle didn't have a brother. -I can explain if you'll just listen. Will you listen? I can't very well leave without a pair of water wings. -I can't very well leave without a pair of water wings. Okay. Then get set for the story of my life -- not that it would ever make the best-seller list. -Okay. Then get set for the story of my life -- not that it would ever make the best-seller list. Fiction or non-fiction? -Fiction or non-fiction? Why don't you shut up! -Why don't you shut up! Well! -Well! Are you going to listen? -Are you going to listen? Go on. -Go on. After I graduated college I was all set to go into my father business. Umbrella frames -- that's what he made. It was a sensible business, I suppose, but I didn't have the sense to be interested in anything sensible. -After I graduated college I was all set to go into my father business. Umbrella frames -- that's what he made. It was a sensible business, I suppose, but I didn't have the sense to be interested in anything sensible. I suppose all this is leading somewhere? -I suppose all this is leading somewhere? It led me away from umbrella frames, for one thing. But that left me without any honest means of support. -It led me away from umbrella frames, for one thing. But that left me without any honest means of support. What do you mean? -What do you mean? When a man has no profession except the one he loathes, what's left? I began looking for people with more money than they'd ever need -- including some they'd barely miss. -When a man has no profession except the one he loathes, what's left? I began looking for people with more money than they'd ever need -- including some they'd barely miss. You mean, you're a thief? -You mean, you're a thief? Well, it isn't exactly the term I'd have chosen, but I suppose it captures the spirit of the thing. -Well, it isn't exactly the term I'd have chosen, but I suppose it captures the spirit of the thing. I don't believe it. -I don't believe it. Well, I can't really blame you -- not now. -Well, I can't really blame you -- not now. But I do believe it -- that's what I don't believe. So it's goodbye Alexander Dyle -- Welcome home Peter Joshua. -But I do believe it -- that's what I don't believe. So it's goodbye Alexander Dyle -- Welcome home Peter Joshua. Sorry, the name's Adam Canfield. -Sorry, the name's Adam Canfield. Adam Canfield. Wonderful. Do you realize you've had three names in the past two days? I don't even know who I'm talking to any more. -Adam Canfield. Wonderful. Do you realize you've had three names in the past two days? I don't even know who I'm talking to any more. The man's the same, even if the name isn't. -The man's the same, even if the name isn't. No -- he's not the same. Alexander Dyle was interested in clearing up his brother's death. Adam Canfield is a crook. And with all the advantages you've got -- brains, charm, education, a handsome face -- -Monsieur Félix -- ? I was expecting you. You are American too, of course. -I was expecting you. You are American too, of course. Yes. -Yes. The man who bought them last week was American. I did not see him but I heard. I knew you would come. -Have you ever, in your entire life, seen anything so beautiful? I'm -- I'm sorry -- I don't know anything about stamps. -I'm -- I'm sorry -- I don't know anything about stamps. I know them as one knows his own face, even though I have never seen them. This yellow one -- a Swedish four shilling -- called 'De Gula Fyraskillingen' -- issued in 1854. -I know them as one knows his own face, even though I have never seen them. This yellow one -- a Swedish four shilling -- called 'De Gula Fyraskillingen' -- issued in 1854. How much is it worth? -How much is it worth? The money is unimportant. -The money is unimportant. I'm afraid it is important. -I'm afraid it is important. In your money, perhaps $65,000. -In your money, perhaps $65,000. Do you mind if I sit down? What about the blue one? -Do you mind if I sit down? What about the blue one? It is called 'The Hawaiian Blue' and there are only seven left. In 1894 the owner of one was murdered by a rival collector who was obsessed to own it. -It is called 'The Hawaiian Blue' and there are only seven left. In 1894 the owner of one was murdered by a rival collector who was obsessed to own it. What's its value today? -What's its value today? In human life? In greed? In suffering? -In human life? In greed? In suffering? In money. -In money. Forty-five thousand. -Forty-five thousand. Do you have anything to eat? And the orange one -- what about the orange one? -Do you have anything to eat? And the orange one -- what about the orange one? A two-penny Mauritius -- issued in 1856. Not so rare as the others -- $30,000 perhaps. -A two-penny Mauritius -- issued in 1856. Not so rare as the others -- $30,000 perhaps. And the last one? -And the last one? The best for the last -- le chef- d'oeuvre de la collection. The masterpiece. It is the most valuable stamp in the world. It is called 'The Gazette Guyanne.' It was printed by hand on colored paper in 1852 and marked with the initials of the printer. Today it has a value of $100,000. Eh, bien -- I am not a thief. I knew there was some mistake. Take them. -The best for the last -- le chef- d'oeuvre de la collection. The masterpiece. It is the most valuable stamp in the world. It is called 'The Gazette Guyanne.' It was printed by hand on colored paper in 1852 and marked with the initials of the printer. Today it has a value of $100,000. Eh, bien -- I am not a thief. I knew there was some mistake. Take them. You gave the boy quite a lot of stamps in return, Monsieur Félix -- are they for sale now? -You gave the boy quite a lot of stamps in return, Monsieur Félix -- are they for sale now? Let me see. There are 350 European, 200 Asian, 175 American, 100 African and twelve Princess Grace commemorative -- which comes to nine francs fifty. -Let me see. There are 350 European, 200 Asian, 175 American, 100 African and twelve Princess Grace commemorative -- which comes to nine francs fifty. Here's ten. -Please keep it. I am a tradesman, Madame, not a doorman. And don't forget these. -I'm -- I'm sorry. No. For a few minutes they were mine -- that is enough. -That was a dumb move, Herman -- a dumb move. And then some. If you'd only told us you was goin' to her room we could've kept 'em busy -- -I suggest you get about your business -- nothing soothes Herman like success. That's right -- it's like ticklin' a alligator's belly. -What for? If it's not here, why bother him? And if it is? -And if it is? Why bother him? -You sure nuthin's missin'? No. The police have kindly provided us with a list. -There sure ain't nothin' here worth no quarter of a million. Not unless we're blind. -Not unless we're blind. You think that mebbe we're fishin' the wrong stream? -You think that mebbe we're fishin' the wrong stream? Meaning what? -Meaning what? You don't s'pose one o' us has it, like the man said -- I mean, that'd be pretty distasteful -- us bein' vet'rans o' the same war 'n' all. -You don't s'pose one o' us has it, like the man said -- I mean, that'd be pretty distasteful -- us bein' vet'rans o' the same war 'n' all. You know I'd tell you if I had it. -You know I'd tell you if I had it. Nachurly. Jus' like I'd tell you. -Nachurly. Jus' like I'd tell you. Nachurly. And that goes for Herman, too. -What do you mean, no? The kid said -- -Mrs. Lampert -- What do you want? -What do you want? Didn't Charles tell you, Mrs. Lampert? -Didn't Charles tell you, Mrs. Lampert? Tell me what? -Tell me what? It doesn't belong to you, Mrs. Lampert -- you do know that, don't you? -It doesn't belong to you, Mrs. Lampert -- you do know that, don't you? I don't know anything. -I don't know anything. Mrs. Lampert, any morning now you could wake up dead. -Mrs. Lampert, any morning now you could wake up dead. Leave me alone -- ! -Leave me alone -- ! Dead, Mrs. Lampert -- like last week's news -- like Charles, Mrs. Lampert -- -Dead, Mrs. Lampert -- like last week's news -- like Charles, Mrs. Lampert -- Stop it! -I'm afraid that will have to wait, Mrs. Lampert. But his mother -- -But his mother -- She isn't going to be anybody's mother unless you answer some questions. -Yes. I am Inspector Edouard Grandpierre of the Police Judiciaire. Would you be so kind as to come with me, please? -You loved him? I'm very cold. -We discovered your husband's body lying next to the tracks of the Paris- Bourdeaux railroad line. He was dressed only in his pajamas. Do you know of any reason why he might have wished to leave France? Leave? -Leave? Your husband possessed a ticket of passage on the 'Maranguape.' It sailed from Bordeaux for Maracaibo this morning at seven. -Your husband possessed a ticket of passage on the 'Maranguape.' It sailed from Bordeaux for Maracaibo this morning at seven. I'm very confused. -He was American? Swiss. -Swiss. Oh. Swiss. His profession? -Oh. Swiss. His profession? He didn't have one. -He didn't have one. He was a wealthy man? -He was a wealthy man? I don't know. I suppose so. -I don't know. I suppose so. About how wealthy would you say? -About how wealthy would you say? I don't know. -I don't know. Where did he keep his money? -Where did he keep his money? I don't know. -I don't know. Besides yourself, who is his nearest relation? -Besides yourself, who is his nearest relation? I don't know. -I don't know. C'est absurde, Madame. To-tale-ment absurde! -C'est absurde, Madame. To-tale-ment absurde! I know. I'm sorry. -I know. I'm sorry. It is all right. -Is it all right? I wish you wouldn't. -"One wallet containing four thousand francs -- one agenda -- -- his last notation was made yesterday -- Thursday -- ""Five p.m. -- Jardin des Champs- Elysées"" Why there?" I don't know. Perhaps he met somebody. -I don't know. Perhaps he met somebody. Obviously. One ticket of passage to South America -- one letter, stamped but unsealed, addressed to you -- -Obviously. One ticket of passage to South America -- one letter, stamped but unsealed, addressed to you -- A letter? May I see it? -"""My dear Regina: I hope you are enjoying your holiday. Megeve can be so lovely this time of year. The days pass very slowly and I hope to see you soon. As always, Charles. P.S. Your dentist called yesterday. Your appointment has been changed."" Not very much, is it?" We took the liberty of calling your dentist -- we thought, perhaps, we would learn something. -We took the liberty of calling your dentist -- we thought, perhaps, we would learn something. Did you? -Did you? Yes. Your appointment has been changed. One key to your apartment -- one comb -- one fountain pen -- one toothbrush -- one tin of tooth powder -- that is all. -If you will sign this list you may take the things with you. Is that all? Can I go now? -Is that all? Can I go now? One more question. Is this your husband's passport? -Of course it is. And this? -I don't understand. And this? And this? -I was, too. In Mr. Dyle's room? -In Mr. Dyle's room? No -- in my room. -No -- in my room. It stands to reason you are telling the truth -- for why would you invent such a ridiculous story? -Oh, la. Don't tell me you didn't know it was loaded. Sylvie! -Yes, of course -- but if you went back and wrote me a letter -- -- you could have the stamps. I'll get you some here, okay? --- you could have the stamps. I'll get you some here, okay? Okay. -Oh, la! If I find the treasure, will I win a prize? What should we give him? -Come on, now -- if you wanted to hide something, where would you put it? I know. I would bury it in the garden. -I know. I would bury it in the garden. Swell -- only this man doesn't have a garden. -Swell -- only this man doesn't have a garden. Oh. Neither do I. Voilà! -Oh. Neither do I. Voilà! Voilà what? -Voilà what? Up there! I would put it up there! -I hope I don't find any little hairy things living up here -- wait! There is something! If I can just -- yes, I'm getting it -- a case of some sort -- it's heavy. I found it! I found it! -I found it! I found it! If you think you're getting credit for this, you're crazy. -If you think you're getting credit for this, you're crazy. We won! We won! -Up there! It is up there! No, Jean-Louis. -Jean-Louis -- thank heavens! Do you have -- ! What's that? A man traded with me -- all those for only four. -A man traded with me -- all those for only four. Oh no! What man, Jean-Louis -- where? -But he is gone. I don't blame him. Jean-Louis -- do you know where this Monsieur Félix lives? -I don't blame him. Jean-Louis -- do you know where this Monsieur Félix lives? No -- but I will ask. -Oh, forgive me. Is this yours? It's hers. Where'd you find him, robbing a bank? -It's hers. Where'd you find him, robbing a bank? He was throwing snowballs at Baron Rothschild. We don't know each other, do we? -He was throwing snowballs at Baron Rothschild. We don't know each other, do we? Why, do you think we're going to? -Why, do you think we're going to? I don't know -- how would I know? -I don't know -- how would I know? I'm afraid I already know a great many people. Until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else. -I'm afraid I already know a great many people. Until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else. Yes, of course. But you will let me know if anyone goes on the critical list -Yes, of course. But you will let me know if anyone goes on the critical list Quitter. -Quitter. How's that? -How's that? You give up awfully easy, don't you? -Clever fellow -- almost missed me. I'm afraid you're blocking my view. -I'm afraid you're blocking my view. Sorry. Which view would you like? -Sorry. Which view would you like? The one you're blocking. This is the last chance I have -- I'm flying back to Paris this afternoon. What's your name? -The one you're blocking. This is the last chance I have -- I'm flying back to Paris this afternoon. What's your name? Peter Joshua. -Peter Joshua. I'm Regina Lampert. -I'm Regina Lampert. Is there a Mr. Lampert? -Is there a Mr. Lampert? Yes. -Yes. Good for you. -Good for you. No, it isn't. I'm getting a divorce. -No, it isn't. I'm getting a divorce. Please, not on my account. -Please, not on my account. No, you see, I don't really love him. -No, you see, I don't really love him. Well, you're honest, anyway. -Well, you're honest, anyway. Yes, I am -- I'm compulsive about it -- dishonesty infuriates me. Like when you go into a drugstore. -Yes, I am -- I'm compulsive about it -- dishonesty infuriates me. Like when you go into a drugstore. I'm not sure I -- -I'm not sure I -- Well, you go in and you ask for some toothpaste -- the small size -- and the man brings you the large size. You tell him you wanted the small size but he says the large size is the small size. I always thought the large size was the largest size, but he says that the family size, the economy size and the giant size are all larger than the large size -- that the large size is the smallest size there is. -Well, you go in and you ask for some toothpaste -- the small size -- and the man brings you the large size. You tell him you wanted the small size but he says the large size is the small size. I always thought the large size was the largest size, but he says that the family size, the economy size and the giant size are all larger than the large size -- that the large size is the smallest size there is. Oh. I guess. -Oh. I guess. Is there a Mrs. Joshua? -Is there a Mrs. Joshua? Yes, but we're divorced. -Yes, but we're divorced. That wasn't a proposal -- I was just curious. -That wasn't a proposal -- I was just curious. Is your husband with you? -Is your husband with you? Oh, Charles is hardly ever with me. First it was separate rooms -- now we're trying it with cities. What do people call you -- Pete? -Oh, Charles is hardly ever with me. First it was separate rooms -- now we're trying it with cities. What do people call you -- Pete? Mr. Joshua. Well, I've enjoyed talking with you. -Mr. Joshua. Well, I've enjoyed talking with you. Now you're angry. -Now you're angry. No, I'm not -- I've got some packing to do. I'm also going back to Paris today. -No, I'm not -- I've got some packing to do. I'm also going back to Paris today. "Oh. Well, wasn't it Shakespeare who said: ""When strangers do meet they should erelong see one another again""?" -"Oh. Well, wasn't it Shakespeare who said: ""When strangers do meet they should erelong see one another again""?" Shakespeare never said that. -Shakespeare never said that. How do you know? -How do you know? It's terrible -- you just made it up. -It's terrible -- you just made it up. Well, the idea's right, anyway. Are you going to call me? -Well, the idea's right, anyway. Are you going to call me? Are you in the book? -Are you in the book? Charles is. -Charles is. Is there only one Charles Lampert? -What are you doing here? I phoned but nobody answered. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am -- and to find out if there was anything I could do. -I phoned but nobody answered. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am -- and to find out if there was anything I could do. How did you find out? -How did you find out? It's in all the afternoon papers. I'm very sorry. -It's in all the afternoon papers. I'm very sorry. Thank you. -I rang the bell but I don't think it's working. Yes it is -- I heard it this morning. -Where did everything go? Charles sold it all -- at auction. -Charles sold it all -- at auction. Do you know what you're going to do? -Do you know what you're going to do? Try and get my old job back at UNESCO, I suppose. -Try and get my old job back at UNESCO, I suppose. Doing what? -Doing what? I'm a simultaneous translator -- like Sylvie, only she's English to French -- I'm French to English. That's what I did before I married Charles. The police probably think I killed him. -I'm a simultaneous translator -- like Sylvie, only she's English to French -- I'm French to English. That's what I did before I married Charles. The police probably think I killed him. Instant divorce you mean? -Instant divorce you mean? Something like that. But I'm sorry it ended like this -- tossed off a train like a sack of third-class mail. -Something like that. But I'm sorry it ended like this -- tossed off a train like a sack of third-class mail. Come on. You can't stay here. -Come on. You can't stay here. I don't know where to go. -I don't know where to go. We'll find you a hotel. -We'll find you a hotel. Not too expensive -- I'm not a lady of leisure anymore. -Not too expensive -- I'm not a lady of leisure anymore. Something modest but clean -- and near enough to UNESCO so you can take a cab when it rains -- okay? -Hallo, Peter. You telephoned me to meet you. I've been standing on the corner back there -- waiting for you. -You telephoned me to meet you. I've been standing on the corner back there -- waiting for you. I'm sorry -- I heard the children laughing. -What's going on? Don't you understand French? -Don't you understand French? I'm still having trouble with English. -I'm still having trouble with English. The man and the woman are married -- -Of course? I thought he was dead. He's only pretending, to teach her a lesson -- only -- only he is dead, Peter -- I saw him -- he's not pretending. Somebody threw him off a train. What am I going to do? -Right there, between your eyes -- see? Worry lines. You're much too young and too pretty to have anything like that. How about making me vice- president in charge of cheering you up? Starting tonight? -What was all that? Fun and games. Evidently we're the floorshow. -Fun and games. Evidently we're the floorshow. You mean you and me? -You mean you and me? No, everyone. Come on -- avanti, avanti! -En garde. Lay on, MacDuff. -What are you doing in here? Having a nervous breakdown. -You haven't said a word since we left the club -- what happened back there? I -- I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you or not. -I -- I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you or not. I don't think I follow you. -I don't think I follow you. He said if I told anybody it could prove fatal for them as well as me. -He said if I told anybody it could prove fatal for them as well as me. Who said? -Who said? That's what I'm not supposed to say. -That's what I'm not supposed to say. Stop this nonsense! If you're in some sort of trouble I want to know about it. -Stop this nonsense! If you're in some sort of trouble I want to know about it. Stop bullying me. Everybody's bullying me. -Stop bullying me. Everybody's bullying me. I wasn't -- -I wasn't -- Yes, you were -- you called it nonsense. Being murdered in cold blood isn't nonsense. Wait until it happens to you sometime. -You said this afternoon that your husband was mixed up in something. How do you shave in there? -How do you shave in there? What was it? -What was it? What was what? -What was what? What your husband was mixed up in. -What your husband was mixed up in. Look, I know it's asking you to stretch your imagination, but can't you pretend for a moment that I'm a woman and that you're a -- -Look, I know it's asking you to stretch your imagination, but can't you pretend for a moment that I'm a woman and that you're a -- Don't you know I could already be arrested for transporting a minor above the first floor? -We're here. Where? -Where? On the street where you live. -On the street where you live. How about once more around the park? -Him: 'Do you mind if I come in for a nightcap, Reggie?' Her: 'Well -- it is awfully late.' Him: 'Just one, all right?' Her: 'Promise you'll behave yourself.' Him: 'Sorry, baby, I never make promises I can't keep.' How would you like a spanking? -How would you like a spanking? How would you like a punch in the nose? Stop treating me like a child. -How would you like a punch in the nose? Stop treating me like a child. Then stop acting like one. If you're really in some kind of trouble, I'd like to hear about it. Otherwise, it's late, I'm tired and I'm going home to bed. -Then stop acting like one. If you're really in some kind of trouble, I'd like to hear about it. Otherwise, it's late, I'm tired and I'm going home to bed. Do you know what's wrong with you? -Do you know what's wrong with you? What? -What? Nothing. Good night. -Nothing. Good night. Good night. -Peter -- are you all right? I think I sprained my pride. Where'd he go? -I think I sprained my pride. Where'd he go? Out of the window, I guess -- I didn't see him. -Lock the door and the window -- and don't let anyone in except me. I'll be back in a minute. Be careful, Peter. -Be careful, Peter. You took the words right out of my mouth. -There was no trace of him. All right, Reggie -- suppose you tell me what this is all about. There are three men -- he's one of them -- they think I have something that belongs to them. -There are three men -- he's one of them -- they think I have something that belongs to them. What? -What? A quarter of a million dollars. -Go on. That's all. -That's all. No, it isn't -- where's the money? -No, it isn't -- where's the money? I don't know. Those men killed Charles to get it. But he must not have had it with him on the train. -I don't know. Those men killed Charles to get it. But he must not have had it with him on the train. So they think he left it with you. -So they think he left it with you. But he didn't! I've looked everywhere -- And if I don't find it -- Those men going to kill me. -No, they won't -- I won't let them. Please help me, Peter -- you're the only one I can trust. -Please help me, Peter -- you're the only one I can trust. Of course I'll help -- I told you I would, didn't I? Come on now -- -I'm so hungry I could faint. I've -- I've gotten your suit all wet. That's all right -- it's a drip-dry. -That's all right -- it's a drip-dry. Peter, you've got to promise me something. Promise you'll never lie the way Charles did. Why do people have to tell lies? -Peter, you've got to promise me something. Promise you'll never lie the way Charles did. Why do people have to tell lies? Usually it's because they want something -- and they're afraid the truth won't get it for them. -Usually it's because they want something -- and they're afraid the truth won't get it for them. Do you tell lies? -Who is it? The man you had the fight with. -Yes -- that's right. What is it, Reggie -- what's he saying? -What'd he say? He -- he said if I didn't give the money, he'll kill me. -He -- he said if I didn't give the money, he'll kill me. I wouldn't take that too seriously. -I wouldn't take that too seriously. I believe what he said. -I believe what he said. They're only trying to scare you, that's all. -They're only trying to scare you, that's all. How do you know what they're doing? -How do you know what they're doing? I don't -- but as long as they think you have the money, or know where it is, or have it without knowing where it is, or don't even know you have it -- -I don't -- but as long as they think you have the money, or know where it is, or have it without knowing where it is, or don't even know you have it -- What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? You mustn't let what he said bother you. It was only words. -You mustn't let what he said bother you. It was only words. Words can hurt very much. -Words can hurt very much. Go to sleep -- I'll see you in the morning. -Go to sleep -- I'll see you in the morning. Don't put yourself out. -Don't put yourself out. Hey -- I'm on your side. Remember that. -Hey -- I'm on your side. Remember that. Yes, I'll remember. Good night. -Yes, I'll remember. Good night. Good night. -Miz Lampert, ma'am... Yes? -Yes? Charlie had no call to handling it this-a-way. He sure didn't. No siree. -Charlie had no call to handling it this-a-way. He sure didn't. No siree. I don't understa-- -Howdy, Miz Lampert. Wha -- what do you want? -You know what I want, Miz Lampert... No -- no, I'm don't. -No -- no, I'm don't. Come on now -- sure you do. An' you'd better give it to me, Miz Lampert -- cuz I ain't foolin'. No sireebob! -Stop that! Don't make too much noise, Miz Lampert -- -It belongs to me, Miz Lampert -- an' if you don't give it to me your life ain't gonna be worth the paper it's printed on. You savvy what I'm sayin', Miz Lampert? Please stop -- please! -Please stop -- please! You think on it real careful-like, Miz Lampert -- y'hear? -Can you give me one good reason why I should? Yes, ma'am. A little one -- 'bout seven or eight years old. Th' little tyke keeps callin' you his Aunt Reggie -- ain't that cute? -Isn't there something constructive he can do -- like start an avalanche? Va jouer, mon ange. -Sylvie -- I'm getting a divorce. Ça alors! From Charles? -Ça alors! From Charles? He's the only husband I've got. I tried to make it work, I really have -- but -- -He's the only husband I've got. I tried to make it work, I really have -- but -- But what? -But what? I don't know how to explain it. I'm just too miserable. -But why do you want a divorce? Because I don't love him. -Because I don't love him. But that is no reason to get a divorce! -With a rich husband and this year's clothes you will not find it difficult to make some new friends. I admit I moved to Paris because I was tired of American Provincial, -He knows everything. Don't you want me to stay? -It's not exactly what I'd call a large turn-out. Didn't Charles have any friends? -Didn't Charles have any friends? Don't ask me -- I'm only the widow. If Charles had died in bed we wouldn't even have him. -Don't ask me -- I'm only the widow. If Charles had died in bed we wouldn't even have him. At least he knows how to behave at funerals. -Have you no idea who could have done it? Until two days ago all I really knew about Charles was his name -- now it turns out I didn't even know that. -Do you know him? I've never seen him before. -I've never seen him before. He must have known Charles pretty well. -He must have known Charles pretty well. How can you tell? -How can you tell? He's allergic to him. -Who is it from? The American Embassy. -What is it about? I don't know. But if this is a sample of American diplomacy I'm buying a fallout shelter. -I hope Jean-Louis understands about last night -- it's just not safe for him to be around me right now. Don't be silly -- he would not do anything. He is not yet old enough to be interested in girls. He says collecting stamps is much more satisfying to a man of his age. -Don't be silly -- he would not do anything. He is not yet old enough to be interested in girls. He says collecting stamps is much more satisfying to a man of his age. Hold it -- Italy just finished. They're recognizing Great Britain. -Hold it -- Italy just finished. They're recognizing Great Britain. Oh la vache! -Sylvie -- ? What are you doing here? Hello, Reggie -- I am waiting for Jean-Louis. -Hello, Reggie -- I am waiting for Jean-Louis. What's he up to? -What's he up to? He was so excited -- when he got the stamps you gave him this morning. He said he had never seen any like them. -He was so excited -- when he got the stamps you gave him this morning. He said he had never seen any like them. I'm glad. But what's all this? -I'm glad. But what's all this? The stamp market, of course -- it is here every Thursday afternoon. This is where Jean-Louis trades his -- -The stamp market, of course -- it is here every Thursday afternoon. This is where Jean-Louis trades his -- Good Lord! The stamps! Where is he? Sylvie -- we've got to find him! -Good Lord! The stamps! Where is he? Sylvie -- we've got to find him! What's the matter, chérie? -What's the matter, chérie? Those stamps -- they're worth a fortune! -Those stamps -- they're worth a fortune! What? -What? A fortune! Hurry -- we've got to find him! -I don't see him. We will separate -- you look over there. -We took all the chances. The money belongs to us, not him! Don't be un-neighborly-like, Herman -- don't forget he done us a little ol' favor. -Don't be un-neighborly-like, Herman -- don't forget he done us a little ol' favor. Yeah? What's that? -Yeah? What's that? He took care of Charlie for us. -Shoot no, not after all these years. Then he gets it out of your share, not mine! Not mine! -Howdy, Miz Lampert. Who invited you? -This ain't no game, Miz Lampert. We want that money -- now! -Yeah? I'm Lisa Sherman. Dylan's aunt. He asked me to come talk to you. -I'm Lisa Sherman. Dylan's aunt. He asked me to come talk to you. Why? -Why? He feels terrible about those things he said to you in school. -He feels terrible about those things he said to you in school. He should. Four guys hit on me today, and not because they find me intellectually stimulating. -He should. Four guys hit on me today, and not because they find me intellectually stimulating. I think I know how to restore your reputation. -I think I know how to restore your reputation. You do? -You do? Can I come in? I'll need to use the phone. -Yeah. Chris BERRINGER WAS PARKED OUTSIDE THE WINDOW. I wonder why it's so important to know if they fucked? -What I don't understand is why they asked Marliston if Rod was a virgin. They could have asked you Cindy. I never fucked Rod. -I never fucked Rod. Exactly. Then he must be a virgin. -If I'm so all-used-up Ben, why do you try to hook me up non-stop? As fucking if. -I think it's funny. Me too. I'm going to start telling people that I saw her drop to her knees and latch on to his unit vector. -I'm not fucking you. Not for all your CDS. You want me to die? I thought you and I were tight. -You want me to die? I thought you and I were tight. ARE YOU THE KILLER BEN? -ARE YOU THE KILLER BEN? WOULD that impress you? IS that what it takes to impress the empress? -WOULD that impress you? IS that what it takes to impress the empress? Your mind is just twisted enough. I believe you'd do all this just to get a dip or two. -I get all your CDs. Not my imports. -Not my imports. Ok not your imports. All your other CDS and your K2 snowboard. -Ok not your imports. All your other CDS and your K2 snowboard. That's an awful lot for ten minutes of beasting? -That's an awful lot for ten minutes of beasting? Don't flatter yourself. You'll be lucky to last ten seconds with me Ben. -One more time. I get the imports. -I get the imports. Ok! -You aren't planning to tell these kids that 'virgin' was tattooed into both Stacy and Rod, are you? No. -No. Good. -Good. But I am going to have to question all of their past boyfriends and girlfriends. -But I am going to have to question all of their past boyfriends and girlfriends. Fine, just don't mention the carving This is going to be a tough enough day as it is. -Hi Jody. I just wanted to check that you were okay? -Why'd you send for Lenny Marliston? The kids adore him. They confide in him. His patchouli reeking rear might know if Stacy and Rod were really virgins. Why didn't you ask Jody that? -The kids adore him. They confide in him. His patchouli reeking rear might know if Stacy and Rod were really virgins. Why didn't you ask Jody that? She's my daughter, Tom. -She's my daughter, Tom. So? -So? So you just don't point blank ask your teenage daughter about sex. -So you just don't point blank ask your teenage daughter about sex. Why not? You worried you might find out how much she actually knows? -If I'd gone public with this yesterday Annette Michaels might be alive today. Oh GOD Brent, is there anything you don't feel guilty about? -Oh GOD Brent, is there anything you don't feel guilty about? is there anything you do? -is there anything you do? Focus on the present. You always want to change the past. Let's figure out what you are going to tell the parents today, not what you should told them yesterday. -Focus on the present. You always want to change the past. Let's figure out what you are going to tell the parents today, not what you should told them yesterday. I'm going to tell them everything I know. I'm calling a town meeting for eight p.m. -I'm going to tell them everything I know. I'm calling a town meeting for eight p.m. You tell these people someone is out there killing virgins and we're going to have a goddamn fuckfest on our hands. -You tell these people someone is out there killing virgins and we're going to have a goddamn fuckfest on our hands. Better than a pile of dead teenagers. -IT'S LISA SHERMAN. But she still looks like we're eighteen. That's impossible. -That's impossible. I swear to God. It's her. She told Jody she was Kenny's 'AUNT LISA'. I'm getting this sickly feeling... -I swear to God. It's her. She told Jody she was Kenny's 'AUNT LISA'. I'm getting this sickly feeling... Calm down Brent. -It's almost ten o'clock. Daddy you scared me! -Daddy you scared me! You're grounded Friday night! -You're grounded Friday night! What? I WAS AT SANDY'S I JUST LOST TRACK OF TIME. -Your curfew is 9:30 and you know it, little miss. It won't happen again. -It won't happen again. You said that two weeks ago. -You said that two weeks ago. Dad ! Most of my friends can stay out until 11 on school nights and 1 on weekends! -Dad ! Most of my friends can stay out until 11 on school nights and 1 on weekends! They're not all the sheriff's daughter. Goodnight. -Hi honey. Hi Daddy. Hi Mr. Sisler. -I'm fine. I've just never had someone my age die before. It's so weird. How well did you know Stacy and Rod? -How well did you know Stacy and Rod? I've been in the same class with Stacy for years but we weren't tight or anything. -I've been in the same class with Stacy for years but we weren't tight or anything. Had either of them broken up with someone recently? Hurt someone? -Had either of them broken up with someone recently? Hurt someone? No. Those two were together before Kenny and I started hanging out and that's over, what, God a year now. -No. Those two were together before Kenny and I started hanging out and that's over, what, God a year now. I want you to head right home after school. -I want you to head right home after school. I will. Is that all? -Hi honey. What's wrong? -What's wrong? I have a question to ask you. A personal question. -What do you mean? Well, I assume you let him kiss you? -Well, I assume you let him kiss you? Well yeah. Of course. Everyone kisses. -Well yeah. Of course. Everyone kisses. I'm not criticizing. _ Did you two get any further? -I'm not criticizing. _ Did you two get any further? A little. -A little. How much further? -How much further? Daddy! I DON'T THINK THIS IS ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS! -Daddy! I DON'T THINK THIS IS ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS! I wouldn't ask if I didn't have to. -I wouldn't ask if I didn't have to. Not much further. -Not much further. You never went, uh, all the way? -Ok. Daddy, are you upset that I'm still a virgin?! -Daddy, are you upset that I'm still a virgin?! No honey. -No honey. You are upset. -You are upset. I'm not. -I'm not. I thought you'd be pleased. -I thought you'd be pleased. I am. I'm so very proud of you. Go back to sleep. -It was a she. Are you sure? -Are you sure? She said she was Kenny's aunt Lisa. -You know her? It can't be. -It can't be. Who is she Daddy? -Who is she Daddy? Never mind darling. You go back to school. I don't want you missing anymore classes today. -You were eavesdropping. No I wasn't. -No I wasn't. What did you hear? -What did you hear? Nothing. I just picked up the phone to say goodbye to you. You didn't say goodbye. -Nothing. I just picked up the phone to say goodbye to you. You didn't say goodbye. Ok. Goodbye. Now get back to school. -No! Run! -What kind of a person wakes up in the morning and says to themselves, 'Think I'll nail a sixteen year old girl to a tree today'? The same type that decides to carve into her stomach. -You found her? There's a Lisa Shermer living just sixty miles west of here. Over the Indiana border. I'm going. -There's a Lisa Shermer living just sixty miles west of here. Over the Indiana border. I'm going. We need you here. I can bring her in. -We need you here. I can bring her in. No. I'll handle this. -As bizarre as it may sound, seems someone is planning to have a big party tonight. No? -No? Should we close down any eruption? -Should we close down any eruption? Are you sure? -Are you sure? We're seeing all the signs in town. -We're seeing all the signs in town. I like the idea of all the kids in one place. If it happens, just keep a man outside until you hear from me. I'll be back in a couple of hours. -What happened? Two kids were found mutilated in the woods. Lock the door after me. -Is Jody still awake? She just turned off her light. -Well? She's still a virgin. -She's still a virgin. Did you warn her? -Did you warn her? No. Let her get at least one more peacefully night's sleep. -What are you doing? This will relax her. -This will relax her. She's underage. -Hello? I'm looking for Lisa Sherman. -I'm looking for Lisa Sherman. She's not here. -She's not here. You know where I can find her? -You know where I can find her? St. Michael's. -St. Michael's. She works at a church? -She works at a church? She resides there. Out back. She died a year and a half ago. -Of what? A bullet to the right cerebellum. -A bullet to the right cerebellum. She was murdered? -She was murdered? No. She ate a pistol for lunch one day. -Can you describe her? How old was she? I never met the woman. I'm just taking care of the place until they sell it. -I never met the woman. I'm just taking care of the place until they sell it. Can you get inside? -Can you get inside? I can. -I can. I knew Lisa Sherman long ago. It's extremely important that I get inside and try to verify that it's the same woman who lived here. -I knew Lisa Sherman long ago. It's extremely important that I get inside and try to verify that it's the same woman who lived here. I don't give a fuck what your reasons are. You pay me ten dollars, you can go inside Otherwise, get a warrant. -Is there a picture of her somewhere? No pictures. No mirrors. Was she a crazy woman when you knew her? -No pictures. No mirrors. Was she a crazy woman when you knew her? No. -No. Couldn't tell she going to off herself, huh? -Couldn't tell she going to off herself, huh? No, you couldn't. -No, you couldn't. I've been in a lot of people's houses and this one's the creepiest. -I've been in a lot of people's houses and this one's the creepiest. Really? -Really? Yeah. You should check downstairs. -Yeah. You should check downstairs. Why? -Why? People always keep their secrets in their attics or in their basements. All the weirdness in this house took place in the basement. -Your brother told us. Daddy.... -Daddy.... Shh. I'm not going to tell you not to go. -Shh. I'm not going to tell you not to go. You're not? -You're not? No. I couldn't do that. I have something for you. -We just found another body. Who's? -Who's? Tom Sisler. He was murdered at school. Two kids went into his office to fuck and they found him, with his tongue cut out and his foot jammed into his mouth. Killer also chopped off his pecker and stuffed it in his pencil holder. -Tom Sisler. He was murdered at school. Two kids went into his office to fuck and they found him, with his tongue cut out and his foot jammed into his mouth. Killer also chopped off his pecker and stuffed it in his pencil holder. Jesus. Any word from Brent? -Jesus. Any word from Brent? Nope. The switchboard is lightning up downtown. Kids from other towns are starting to congregate in the parks and at the high school. It's turning into WOODSTOCK except there's no concert. -Nope. The switchboard is lightning up downtown. Kids from other towns are starting to congregate in the parks and at the high school. It's turning into WOODSTOCK except there's no concert. Call Brent on the horn. See where he is. What he wants us to do. I'll head over to the school. -Call Brent on the horn. See where he is. What he wants us to do. I'll head over to the school. Ok. -But I shouldn't shut it down? No. Hell, it's the quietest goddamn party I've ever seen. -Pay no attention to me. What are you doing here? -You fucked me up! What? -What? You gave me a 'D'. -You gave me a 'D'. I'm sure you should have failed. -I'm sure you should have failed. I was grounded for two fucking months because of you! -Please get out of my way or I'll have to hurt you. I knew you were a pervert. Always wearing those fucking doofy glasses, and driving a station wagon. -I am. My house is just a couple of blocks away. Why don't you come on over and clean those cuts up. -My house is just a couple of blocks away. Why don't you come on over and clean those cuts up. Ok. Should I put my bike in the back of your car? -Ok. Should I put my bike in the back of your car? Can you just follow me? The back is full? -Can you just follow me? The back is full? Sure. -You aren't going to the party? You know about that too? -of COURSE. You're not scared? Of course I'm scared. -Of course I'm scared. Then you should go. -Then you should go. You think I should go to the party, Mr. Marliston? -You think I should go to the party, Mr. Marliston? I really do. For your own safety. -We're all manipulated. From the moment we're born. The event that fatalistically shaped my life happened before I was even born. Really? -Really? Yes. We have no real freedom. You of all people should understand that. This may sting. -Me? Why me? Because of your father. The way what his sins shaped you. -What do you know about my father? He's a rapist. Like mine. -_ Your father raped someone? Lisa Sherman was my mother. Do you know who that is? -Lisa Sherman was my mother. Do you know who that is? Yes. -Yes. I was born nine months after she was raped. One of the four men who raped her is my father. I have no idea which one. -I was born nine months after she was raped. One of the four men who raped her is my father. I have no idea which one. You're the killed. -You're the killed. Yes that's the whole point. This is what I was put on this earth to do. Rape the town that raped my mother. Steal its pristine innocence like it stole hers. I've planned this since I was a very little boy. You have no real freedom either. Your father has cast a shadow that you've never eluded. -Please! You wouldn't kill your sister, would you? You think you're my sister? -Go sit next to him. Who? -Who? Mark Shale. -Mark Shale. Why? -Why? Don't you want to talk to him? You watch him eat everyday. -Don't you want to talk to him? You watch him eat everyday. I don't watch him eat everyday. -I don't watch him eat everyday. You stare at him non-stop, like every lunch. Like this. Like most people stare at car accidents. -The seat behind him is open. Come on, I can eavesdrop too. You eventually have to talk to him. -You eventually have to talk to him. Why? All my mom and dad ever do is watch each other eat and they've been married for twenty years. -No! That's his table. You're going to look really amoebic splitting off from me now. -What am I supposed to say? 'Nice sweater Mark'? 'Did you buy it at Eddie Bauer's?' You could tell him you really liked the way he chews with his back molars. -You could tell him you really liked the way he chews with his back molars. You're so fucking lucky your dad is the sheriff. -You're so fucking lucky your dad is the sheriff. You are 'sp fucking' wrong. -You are 'sp fucking' wrong. You get to be a little Chelsea Clinton. Everyone wants to meet you. Party with you. Have sex with you. -You get to be a little Chelsea Clinton. Everyone wants to meet you. Party with you. Have sex with you. But you can't do any of it. So it sucks. I always have to 'set an example'. -He's just trying to mess with your head. Ignore him. Does she fuck? -Does she fuck? I doubt it. Who'd want to fuck her. She probably reeks worse than the docks down in those panties. -Oh nice save. I was desperate. It was gross. -I was desperate. It was gross. Kenny'll come running back. This is just his way of pressuring you. -Kenny'll come running back. This is just his way of pressuring you. He says he loves me. -He says he loves me. Personally I think he has a deep, almost pathological desire to corrupt you. But I suppose that's a type of love. I certainly wish someone wanted to corrupt me. -Personally I think he has a deep, almost pathological desire to corrupt you. But I suppose that's a type of love. I certainly wish someone wanted to corrupt me. Maybe I should blister through a bottle of Tequila and just fuck his brains out. -Maybe I should blister through a bottle of Tequila and just fuck his brains out. No! -No! You're the one always saying 'Just do it'. -You're the one always saying 'Just do it'. That was before he pulled this 'Dick me or I dump you' shit. I say fuck his best friend. -I don't know what I'm so scared of. Want to come in for awhile? Log onto AOL, flirt with some married men, head into a private S&M chat room . . . -Want to come in for awhile? Log onto AOL, flirt with some married men, head into a private S&M chat room . . . How do you know what to type back when they start to cyber with you. -How do you know what to type back when they start to cyber with you. I keep a couple of my dad's porno books hidden in my desk for emergency reference. -I promised I'd go right home after school. OK. increase the peace. -Sandy, you have to chill out, at least two-thirds of the kids in our class are still virgins. He can't butcher all of us. There will be a lot fewer by tomorrow night. -Not that many. You watch. There's going to be a hymen holocaust tomorrow. Maybe I'll finally talk to Mark Shale. -You watch. There's going to be a hymen holocaust tomorrow. Maybe I'll finally talk to Mark Shale. NO?! -Someone tried to kill me. The phone just went dead. I called the police and ran right over as fast as I could. -You ok? FINE. Are you? -FINE. Are you? Hurricane Hormone. it's flattened the whole school. Guess what? -Hurricane Hormone. it's flattened the whole school. Guess what? What? -What? Mark invited me to the party. -Mark invited me to the party. What party? -What party? Shh. Ben's party. Tonight. Haven't you heard? -Shh. Ben's party. Tonight. Haven't you heard? No. -You can't tell your parents. Ok. -Ok. Especially not your dad. -Especially not your dad. I won't. -I won't. It's like a pop your cherry party. Everyone's saying it's 'Fuck or Die' time. -It's like a pop your cherry party. Everyone's saying it's 'Fuck or Die' time. You're thinking of sleeping with Mark tonight? -You're thinking of sleeping with Mark tonight? Unless he makes a move during seventh period. -Unless he makes a move during seventh period. Didn't you have something a little more romantic in mind for your first time? -Didn't you have something a little more romantic in mind for your first time? I kind of like the idea that we can all lose it together, on the same night. It'll be a lot less scary. You have to go. -I kind of like the idea that we can all lose it together, on the same night. It'll be a lot less scary. You have to go. Stag? -Stag? Kenny'll want to go with you. Cindy's holding a Q and A session at the bleachers. Come on. -Kenny'll want to go with you. Cindy's holding a Q and A session at the bleachers. Come on. I can't right now. -I can't right now. Jody, you have to go to the party. For your own safety. -Hi Jody. What can I DO for you? Hi Miss Dunlop. Where do you keep the old town papers? -Hi Miss Dunlop. Where do you keep the old town papers? They're all on microfiche. What year are you looking for? -They're all on microfiche. What year are you looking for? Twenty eight years ago. -Twenty eight years ago. Follow me. -This place is empty. Everyone's getting ready for the party. -Everyone's getting ready for the party. You heard about that? -You heard about that? Of course. NO ONE EVER SHUTS UP IN THE LIBARY. Kids were whispering about it all day. -Of course. NO ONE EVER SHUTS UP IN THE LIBARY. Kids were whispering about it all day. Don't you think it's sick? -Don't you think it's sick? Not at all. In fact, I thought about going. -Not at all. In fact, I thought about going. You Miss Dunlop? -Unfortunately I qualify. Think I'm too old? No. -No. You're sweet. I really wish someone had thrown a party like that when I was your age. My life might have been very different. -Cut it out. Why? -Why? I was supposed to be home fifteen minutes ago. -I was supposed to be home fifteen minutes ago. So? You're already late. A few more minutes won't matter. -I got to get home. Fuck your curfew. Most sixth graders can stay out later than you. -You know, maybe we ought to start seeing other people. What? -What? Jody, we've been going out for over a year. I love you but I'm all out of patience. -Are you O.K.? I'm fine. -I'm fine. I heard you got attacked. -I heard you got attacked. I did. -I did. I was worried about you. Did you hear about the bash? -I was worried about you. Did you hear about the bash? Yeah. I think it's really sick. -Yeah. I think it's really sick. Why? -Why? Three of our classmates are dead. That's not really the occasion for a party. -Three of our classmates are dead. That's not really the occasion for a party. Nobody wants to be the fourth. Please go with me. -Nobody wants to be the fourth. Please go with me. Did Sharon say no? -Did Sharon say no? You know I want to go with you. -You know I want to go with you. I'm so flattered but I can't. I'm grounded. -I'm so flattered but I can't. I'm grounded. Everyone's grounded. There's a killer on the loose. -Everyone's grounded. There's a killer on the loose. No I'm really grounded. When I got in late the other night, my father was waiting up for me. -If you don't want to go with me just say so. Say 'Kenny, I DON'T WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU' but don't use your dad as an excuse. I'm so sick of it. I'm not using him as an excuse. -I'm not using him as an excuse. Yes you are. You always do. It's why we broke up. You always hide behind him. -Yes you are. You always do. It's why we broke up. You always hide behind him. I do not. -I do not. I feel like I NEED YOU DAD'S permission just to kiss you. Jody, it's time to assert yourself To be a big girl. An individual. I'm going to this party tonight. Jimmy's my ride. Come over to my house after school. We'll go together. -I feel like I NEED YOU DAD'S permission just to kiss you. Jody, it's time to assert yourself To be a big girl. An individual. I'm going to this party tonight. Jimmy's my ride. Come over to my house after school. We'll go together. I have to go home after school. I have something really important I have to ask my mom. -I have to go home after school. I have something really important I have to ask my mom. They're not picking me up until six. -They're not picking me up until six. I'll think about it. -I'll think about it. Yes! -All our parents are weirdoes. I think my dad is into hookers. I know he lit cats on fire when he was a kid. My dad acts like he's Johnny Fucking Perfect and he's really Johnny Fucking Rapist. -My dad acts like he's Johnny Fucking Perfect and he's really Johnny Fucking Rapist. I think this is a big part of growing up. It's losing your spiritual virginity. It's when you finally discover that your parents aren't anything they told you they were. They're even bigger hypocrites than your friends. -I think this is a big part of growing up. It's losing your spiritual virginity. It's when you finally discover that your parents aren't anything they told you they were. They're even bigger hypocrites than your friends. I can't believe I listened to one word of his shit. -I can't believe I listened to one word of his shit. But if he'd been sent to jail, there would be no Jody. -But if he'd been sent to jail, there would be no Jody. So I should feel happy that he got away with it? -So I should feel happy that he got away with it? I don't know. I kind of am. -Are you coming to the party? Let's just start a party right here, right fucking now. -What's wrong? Am I doing something wrong? Just making me feel like a piece of meat. -Just making me feel like a piece of meat. I'm making you feel like meat? -I'm making you feel like meat? Yeah. -You break up with me because I won't fuck you. That's not why we broke up. -That's not why we broke up. You flaunt some slut in my face. -You flaunt some slut in my face. Sharon's far from a slut. -Sharon's far from a slut. And when I finally agree to spread my legs, you accuse me of treating you like meat. -And when I finally agree to spread my legs, you accuse me of treating you like meat. Jody, you're only doing this to get back at your dad. It doesn't have that much to do with me. -Please don't go. Please. Stay, We'll just talk. Then go to the party. This party is sick. -Jody. Wait. What? -What? I'm scared. Three kids are dead. I want to go to this party. -I'm scared. Three kids are dead. I want to go to this party. Then go to the party. Run with the herd Kenny. Just don't spew out all that 'be an individual, assert yourself' crap anymore. -My dad's down there! He's dead! We've got to get the fuck out of here! -Go to the police station! Deputy Webber's at the party. It's only three blocks away. -Thanks for coming back for me. I love you. -Oh GOD IT'S HIM! Quick! In the house. He won't look for us in there. -What are you doing? Pretend we're just another couple. -Hi mom. Hi princess. -Hi princess. Mom? -Mom? Yes? -Yes? I need to ask you something. -I need to ask you something. You can ask me anything. -You can ask me anything. Have you ever heard of someone named Lisa Sherman? -Lisa Sherman? Yeah. Who is she? -Yeah. Who is she? I don't know. Where did you hear that name. -I don't know. Where did you hear that name. I overheard daddy mentioning her to someone. I he thinks she's the killer. -I overheard daddy mentioning her to someone. I he thinks she's the killer. What? -What? That's what he said. -That's what he said. Did he say anything else about her? -Did he say anything else about her? No but he got really weird. Like I've never seen him act. REALLY angry and super uptight. -No but he got really weird. Like I've never seen him act. REALLY angry and super uptight. I've never heard of her. Maybe something else was on his mind. -I've never heard of her. Maybe something else was on his mind. No. I think she lived her a long time ago. Like twenty-eight years ago. When dad was eighteen. -No. I think she lived her a long time ago. Like twenty-eight years ago. When dad was eighteen. Not that I know of. -Where are you going? The library. I'll be fine. -I want you to come home with me right now, Jody. Who is she? -Who is she? She's nobody you should be concerned with. -She's nobody you should be concerned with. Whoever tried to kill me was made up to look exactly like this picture of Lisa Sherman, clothes and all. I think that concerns me. -Whoever tried to kill me was made up to look exactly like this picture of Lisa Sherman, clothes and all. I think that concerns me. Don't make me order you. -Wait. What? -What? I'm not leaving. I want to know why you and dad are so freaked out. Three of my classmates are dead. -Years ago, something horrible happened in this town. When I was still in high school. A girl named Elizabeth Sherman was attacked by four drunken seniors. Attacked how? -Attacked how? She was raped. At least that's what she claimed. -She was raped. At least that's what she claimed. You didn't believe her? -You didn't believe her? No, I believed her. She was in pretty bad shape. Inside and out. But the boys were never formally charged. -No, I believed her. She was in pretty bad shape. Inside and out. But the boys were never formally charged. Why not? -Why not? They were children of our leading citizens, stars of the football team. And she was a loner. An angry girl that no one really liked. She'd called them 'queers'. -They were children of our leading citizens, stars of the football team. And she was a loner. An angry girl that no one really liked. She'd called them 'queers'. People thought these guys had a right to rape her because she called them 'queers'? -People thought these guys had a right to rape her because she called them 'queers'? They were proving to her they weren't. They were very drunk. Things were different back then. You think kids are sexually bottled up today.... -They were proving to her they weren't. They were very drunk. Things were different back then. You think kids are sexually bottled up today.... And the police did nothing? -And the police did nothing? EVERYONE JUST KIND OF LOOKED THE OTHER WAY. -EVERYONE JUST KIND OF LOOKED THE OTHER WAY. How could you? -How could you? I don't know. We just did. I guess I was kind of scared going against the gain. Against the whole town. -I don't know. We just did. I guess I was kind of scared going against the gain. Against the whole town. The word is Mob. -The word is Mob. I've regretted it ever since. Never run with the herd just because they're the herd. -I've regretted it ever since. Never run with the herd just because they're the herd. Who were they? -Who? The men. Do any of them still live around here? -The men. Do any of them still live around here? Two men left town right after it happened. -Two men left town right after it happened. You're not telling me something. -Mr. Sisler was one of them. The principal? -The principal? Yes. -Yes. Who was the fourth? -THAT'S why he called Mr. Sisler first. He was one of them. Not a day has gone by where your father has not torn himself to shreds for what happened. We both have... -Not a day has gone by where your father has not torn himself to shreds for what happened. We both have... NO! -Yes? Are you Jody? -Yeah. I'm Kenny's Aunt Lisa. -I'm Kenny's Aunt Lisa. Kenny's aunt? -Kenny's aunt? Yes. He asked me to come over and talk to you. -On what side of the family? His mother's side. -His mother's side. His mother's an only child. -You ok? Just thinking about something. -Just thinking about something. What? -What? There's going to be very few virgins left in school on Monday. It could be really dangerous for them if the killer isn't caught. -There's going to be very few virgins left in school on Monday. It could be really dangerous for them if the killer isn't caught. I guess so. Luckily we won't have that problem. -What are you doing? I got to go. -I got to go. What? -What? I'm worried about someone. -Dylan's been telling people that Annette gave him a blow job. And she didn't? -Hi Mark, Cindy, Ben. Hi Sandy. -You got a great mom. I'm lucky to get a zucchini stick. Did you want one? -Did you want one? Yeah I was talking about Twinkies the other day and I realized I hadn't had one in years. Then I remembered seeing you with one. -Yeah I was talking about Twinkies the other day and I realized I hadn't had one in years. Then I remembered seeing you with one. They're tasty. -You can have both if you want. No, you keep one. -You're so beautiful. So are you. -So are you. Now don't be nervous. -Now don't be nervous. You're the one who's hand is shaking. -There's Jan and Heather. Let's grab them quick before someone else does. Ok. -Ok. Hide your laptop here. -Hide your laptop here. No. -No. You can't bring it. -You can't bring it. I'm not leaving it here. -Hey! That was a 3k machine. Told you to hide it. -I said no. But you don't really mean it. -Maybe it won't stay in. Maybe you better just drive me home. -Let me just ask you a serious question first. What? -What? Aren't you worried you could die a virgin? -Aren't you worried you could die a virgin? Yeah. I'm extremely worried about that. It's right up there with global warming. -Yeah. I'm extremely worried about that. It's right up there with global warming. On our way home, a drunken driver could hit us head on and send us flying through the windshield. Terminate us instantly. We'd never experience what it means to make love. -On our way home, a drunken driver could hit us head on and send us flying through the windshield. Terminate us instantly. We'd never experience what it means to make love. If sheep don't count. -If sheep don't count. That wasn't me ... -That wasn't me ... I know. I'm kidding you. Chill out. -I know. I'm kidding you. Chill out. Well I'm trying to be real here and you're mocking me. -Well I'm trying to be real here and you're mocking me. I'm sorry, but you're not going to die a virgin Rod. -Rod! You're being unfair. -You're being unfair. Unfair?! -Unfair?! Yes. Unfair to me. -Stacy? ROD! -What, do you work for my boss, dog? Okay, okay. -Okay, okay. At least somebody likes this shit. -At least somebody likes this shit. INT. DARLENE'S STORE - NIGHT. -help me get in the truck. INT. ICE CREAM TRUCK/CAB - DAWN. -Oh... ...shit. -...shit. EXT. ROAD - DAY. -Oh, shit. EXT. ROAD - DAY. -Unbe-fucking-lievable. EXT. ICE CREAM TRUCK - DAY. -Damn. INT. ANDY'S ICE CREAM FACTORY/STAIRWELL - DAY. -Shit! INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - DAY. -It's a damn postal truck! INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY. -Let me put it in easy terms, Aristotle. We are carrying a damn bomb... ...that is going to explode... -...that is going to explode... ...if we don't get out of this tunnel! -...if we don't get out of this tunnel! INT. GOMEZ'S HELICOPTER - DAY. -Come on, Night Shift. INT. TUNNEL - DAY. -A little early for a delivery. Oh... -Oh... ...yeah. Tryin' to get most of my day done before it hits nine-... -...yeah. Tryin' to get most of my day done before it hits nine-... ...-ty. -...-ty. Where's Sam? -Where's Sam? Sam? Andy gave Sam a nice big desk to park his fat ass behind. -Sam? Andy gave Sam a nice big desk to park his fat ass behind. Where do you want this stuff? -Where do you want this stuff? Freezer in the back. -Freezer in the back. Great. -Great. Art. -That's my business. No argument there. -No argument there. The guy's a fuckin' moron. -The guy's a fuckin' moron. Hey, I'm with you on that one, my man. Prick. -Hey, I'm with you on that one, my man. Prick. Look, you need me to sign an invoice or somethin'? -Look, you need me to sign an invoice or somethin'? Uh, between this month and last month, you owe four hundred and seventeen dollars. And we need that in cash. -Uh, between this month and last month, you owe four hundred and seventeen dollars. And we need that in cash. Since when does... -Since when does... ...Darlene pay you in cash? -...Darlene pay you in cash? Since today. New policy. -Well, he told me to collect cash. Andy. Another fuckin'... -Andy. Another fuckin'... ...moron. -...moron. Hey, you and I are seein' eye to eye on a whole range of issues this mornin'. -Hey, you and I are seein' eye to eye on a whole range of issues this mornin'. Uh, huh? -Uh, huh? Except for the fact that I need cash. -Except for the fact that I need cash. He could've called first. -He could've called first. He could've. That-That's true. But that would've been smart... -He could've. That-That's true. But that would've been smart... ...and fair... -...and fair... ...two things Andy is not. Uh, but I tell you what. -...two things Andy is not. Uh, but I tell you what. Bein' that it's cash, I'm gonna give you ten percent... -Bein' that it's cash, I'm gonna give you ten percent... ...off. Say, uh, three seventy-five. Seein' that we both have so much love... -...off. Say, uh, three seventy-five. Seein' that we both have so much love... ...for Andy, I'll tell him I lost a few cartons comin' over the mountain. -...for Andy, I'll tell him I lost a few cartons comin' over the mountain. That'll make up the difference, huh? -That'll make up the difference, huh? Huh? -Huh? Well, Darlene usually gives me a signed check for emergencies. I could always give you that. -Well, Darlene usually gives me a signed check for emergencies. I could always give you that. Oh. -Oh. Why don't I--? -Why don't I--? No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait. -Aw! Oh, Jesus. Hang on. Hang on. -Sorry, man. He's dead. No. -What did I say? Dude in uniform get in your face, you do not shoot your mouth off. -Dude in uniform get in your face, you do not shoot your mouth off. I need your truck. -No, no, no. You don't need my truck. You need somebody else's truck... ...and a shitload of ice. -...and a shitload of ice. Look, if I don't get this stuff to McGruder, it's goodbye, Andy's Ice Cream, goodbye, Jerome, goodbye, Mon-... -Look, if I don't get this stuff to McGruder, it's goodbye, Andy's Ice Cream, goodbye, Jerome, goodbye, Mon-... ...-tana. -...-tana. Wait, wait. You don't believe the dead guy, do... -Wait, wait. You don't believe the dead guy, do... ...ya? -...ya? Yeah, I believe him. He was my friend. -Yeah, I believe him. He was my friend. For cryin' out loud. -For cryin' out loud. Hey, listen! Do you know what I think? I... -Hey, listen! Do you know what I think? I... ...think he was a wacko. And I think that G.I. ninja's a bigger wacko. And I think you're the biggest wack-... -...think he was a wacko. And I think that G.I. ninja's a bigger wacko. And I think you're the biggest wack-... ...-o of all, wantin' to be a part of this wacko shit! -...-o of all, wantin' to be a part of this wacko shit! I need your help. -I need your help. You are seriously mistaken if you think you are going anywhere in my... -You are seriously mistaken if you think you are going anywhere in my... ...truck. -...truck. Then you drive me to McGrud-... -Then you drive me to McGrud-... ...-er. -...-er. Look...I got two tons of the world's nastiest ice cream sittin' in a truck that should've been retired ten years ago. That shit will be worthless by noon. -Look...I got two tons of the world's nastiest ice cream sittin' in a truck that should've been retired ten years ago. That shit will be worthless by noon. And if that Elvis shit... -And if that Elvis shit... ...is as dangerous as you seem to think it is, I'm gettin' my ass as far away from you and it as possible. -...is as dangerous as you seem to think it is, I'm gettin' my ass as far away from you and it as possible. Peace. -Peace. All right. -Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. Hold up. Look. You want cash? -You want cash? You want cash? -You want cash? I got, like, uh.... -I got, like, uh.... I got, uh.... -I got, uh.... I got fifty bucks. I'll get more. -I got fifty bucks. I'll get more. I'll rent the truck from you. You can stay here, you can go. Whatever you want. -I'll rent the truck from you. You can stay here, you can go. Whatever you want. No. -No. All right, then how about this? -All right, then how about this? Hey, you're gonna piss me-- What the hell are you supposed to be... -Hey, you're gonna piss me-- What the hell are you supposed to be... ...doing?! -...doing?! I need your truck! -I need your truck! You are not takin' my truck! -Go on. Would you hurry up, please? -Would you hurry up, please? Look, put this in the back. Keep it safe. -There we go. There we go. Did you keep it safe? Did you What the hell is with you, dog? He's the one with the damn gun. -What the hell is with you, dog? He's the one with the damn gun. You gave him ice cream, didn't you? Come on, let's go. -You gave him ice cream, didn't you? Come on, let's go. Yeah, to keep him off my ass. -Yeah, to keep him off my ass. What did you do that for? It makes him mean as a snake. -What did you do that for? It makes him mean as a snake. That dog was mean before I met him. -That dog was mean before I met him. That dog ain't mean. -That dog ain't mean. I'm gonna stomp your a-- -I'm gonna stomp your a-- Come on, get in the truck. -Come on, get in the truck. I'm gonna bust a mudhole in your ass. I'm gonna-- Don't tell me to shut-- It's none of your business. Man, I can talk all I want to. -I'm gonna bust a mudhole in your ass. I'm gonna-- Don't tell me to shut-- It's none of your business. Man, I can talk all I want to. Shut... -...up. Are you kiddin'? -Come on! Damn. -Damn. What the hell's goin' on? -What the hell's goin' on? It happens to this piece of shit... -It happens to this piece of shit... ...all the time. -...all the time. Damn diesel injections are flood-... -Damn diesel injections are flood-... Excuse me... -Excuse me... ...-ed. -...-ed. ...excuse me. Can you fix this? -...excuse me. Can you fix this? Do you wanna give me a minute? -You'd better coast through... ...town. -We're clear. Oh, man. -No cell. Suppose you're gonna shoot me because you can't get service on my cell phone. -Billings? No, no, no, no, no. We need to go to McGruder. No, you gotta go to McGrud-... -No, you gotta go to McGrud-... ...-er. -...-er. No, no, no, no, no. We gotta go to McGruder! I go where the truck goes! -No, no, no, no, no. We gotta go to McGruder! I go where the truck goes! No, no, no. -No, no, no. To get to McGruder, you have to go through Missoula, and I ain't goin' to Missoula. -To get to McGruder, you have to go through Missoula, and I ain't goin' to Missoula. No way. We're goin' through McGrud-... -No way. We're goin' through McGrud-... ...-er. -...-er. I ain't goin' through Missoula! -I ain't goin' through Missoula! Am I missing somethin' here? -Am I missing somethin' here? Look...I kinda borrowed the truck from Andy. -Look...I kinda borrowed the truck from Andy. Borrowed. -Borrowed. Yeah, borrowed! -Yeah, borrowed! You stole this truck. -You stole this truck. You stole this truck! -You stole this truck! I did not steal this truck! -I did not steal this truck! You stole this truck! That's... -You stole this truck! That's... ...what all the bullshit about the cash was, wasn't it?! You stole this truck, and now you're trying to sell... -...what all the bullshit about the cash was, wasn't it?! You stole this truck, and now you're trying to sell... ...the ice cream for money! -...the ice cream for money! I didn't steal the truck! He owed it to me! Anyway, the important thing is I'm not goin' through Missoula! -I didn't steal the truck! He owed it to me! Anyway, the important thing is I'm not goin' through Missoula! Look, I don't give a shit if you go through Missoula at a hundred miles an hour. We're goin' to McGruder. -I'm about to get in your ass like last year's underwear, man. That's... -That's... ...fine. -...fine. I ain't playin' that. -I ain't playin' that. Shut up. -Hey. We can't push old Pete in this heat. He can't take it. -We can't push old Pete in this heat. He can't take it. Fine. -God-... ...-damn! -...-damn! Okay, okay! -Okay, okay! Ah, one of them's in the back. -Ah, one of them's in the back. No, no, no, no, no. Keep goin'. -No, no, no, no, no. Keep goin'. Okay. -You're nuts, goin' back there! Shut up. -Take your gun! Doesn't work. -Doesn't work. What? -What? Doesn't... -Doesn't... ...work! It's not even load-... -...work! It's not even load-... ...-ed. -...-ed. You mean to tell me you hijacked me with an empty gun?! -Get him to stand up, Night Shift. All right. -All right. Okay! All right! -Elvis is on ice again. Okay. -Okay. Nice job back there. -"Don't gimme that ""nice job"" shit, man! They still got a vanload comin', and what do you got besides an empty..." ...gun?! -...gun?! I was thankin' you, asshole! -I was thankin' you, asshole! Kiss my ass! -Probably because they know a psycho when they hear one. No... -No... ...I'm not the psycho. -...I'm not the psycho. Hey, take a look at your situation and... -Hey, take a look at your situation and... ...reconsider that statement there, Night Shift. You're psy-... -...reconsider that statement there, Night Shift. You're psy-... ...-cho and a hijack-... -...-cho and a hijack-... ...-er! -...-er! Hi--! The gun was empty! -Hi--! The gun was empty! Every time I look at you, I wanna hit... -Every time I look at you, I wanna hit... ...you. -...you. You wanna hit me? -You wanna hit me? And I'm a peaceful man, and... -And I'm a peaceful man, and... ...I believe in live and... -...I believe in live and... Yeah... -Yeah... ...let live. -...let live. ...you stole the truck to uphold your principles, right? -...you stole the truck to uphold your principles, right? I did not steal the truck. -It was owed to me. You stole the damn... ...truck! -...truck! Shut up, shut up! It's beeping. -Shut up, shut up! It's beeping. Well, then, that means it's call... -Well, then, that means it's call... ...waiting! -...waiting! You snatch that phone from me one more time, I'm-- -You snatch that phone from me one more time, I'm-- Hey! Hey! Andy's Ice Cream. -Holy shit... ...man! -...man! Oh, shit. -Oh, shit. Back up! Back... -Back up! Back... ...up! -Come on, old... ...Pete! Come on! There it... -...Pete! Come on! There it... ...is, old Pete! Come on, baby! -...is, old Pete! Come on, baby! All right, you got it. -Oh, shit. Oh, we're screwed, Night... -Oh, we're screwed, Night... ...Shift. -...Shift. You can just bend over and kiss your crazy ass goodbye, buddy! -You can just bend over and kiss your crazy ass goodbye, buddy! I think... -I think... ...we can make it. -...we can make it. You think we can make what?! You see that truck?! -You think we can make what?! You see that truck?! Eight and a half feet wide! Weighs over five tons! -Eight and a half feet wide! Weighs over five tons! Hey, and what if we don't make it?! -Your weedkiller on steroids goes down with us! Everybody dies! I don't think we have much of a choice... -I don't think we have much of a choice... ...do we? -...do we? Oh, shit. -Oh, shit. That's right. Now, move! -Oh, shit. Okay. -Okay. Okay. -Goddamn! Oh, Petey. Oh, Petey. Oh, please, Pete. Please don't do this to me. Okay. -I should've had that dog bite me. I would've gotten rabies! Could've went to the hospital, had a pretty nurse! Hey, hey! Whoo! Okay. -Hey, hey! Whoo! Okay. Go, go, go, go, go. Oh, shit. -Go, go, go, go, go. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. -Oh, shit. Come on, old Pete. -Come on, old Pete. Come on! -Come on! Come on, old Pete. -Come on, old Pete. God, man! -God, man! I'm goin'. I'm goin', baby. I'm goin', I'm goin'. -I'm goin'. I'm goin', baby. I'm goin', I'm goin'. Oh... -Oh... ...easy, easy, easy. -...easy, easy, easy. Left, left, left! -Left, left, left! Get over! Get over! -Get over! Get over! Come on. -Come on. Oh, shit. Come on, old... -Oh, shit. Come on, old... ...Pete! Come on. -...Pete! Come on. Come on, old Pete. Oh. -Come on, old Pete. Oh. I know the likeli-... -I know the likeli-... ...-hood of you knowin' any prayers is slim... -...-hood of you knowin' any prayers is slim... ...Night Shift, but you might... -...Night Shift, but you might... ...wanna give it a try! -...wanna give it a try! Come on, old... -Come on, old... ...Pete. Come on. -Come on. Come on. -Come on. Come on... -Come on... ...you crazy bastard. -...you crazy bastard. All right, you got it, you got it! -Whoo! Whoo! -Whoo! I made it! -I made it! I made it. -I made it. What are you talkin' about?! I'm the one drivin'! -What are you talkin' about?! I'm the one drivin'! You okay? -You okay? What the fuck was that?! -What the fuck was that?! Shit. You gotta pass him. -Shit. You gotta pass him. Gee, you think so? -Gee, you think so? Holy--! -Holy--! Okay. That didn't work. -Okay. That didn't work. Gee, you think so? -Gee, you think so? Shut up! -Ho, ho... Oh... -Oh... ...ho! -...ho! ...shit! -Hang on! Hey! -Shit. Go on. -Go on. Go, go. -No. Shit. Come on. -Come on. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. -Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. It's okay. Okay. -Okay. All right. -All right. Okay. -Okay. All right. -All right. Gimme that, gimme that, gimme that. -Gimme that, gimme that, gimme that. Okay. Okay. -Okay. Okay. These'll keep it cold. -These'll keep it cold. Yeah... -Yeah... ...yeah. -...yeah. Aw, shit -Listen! Listen... ...to him! You don't know who... -...to him! You don't know who... ...you're dealin' with! -...you're dealin' with! I'm a dangerous man! -I'm a dangerous man! Yeah, he's a dangerous... -Yeah, he's a dangerous... ...man! -...man! He's crazy! -He's crazy! I'm crazy? -Taking it down the hill. You're--? What?! -You're not dangerous! You're crazy! I ain't gettin' in this damn thing! Then stay... -Then stay... ...here! -...here! Oh, shit. Okay. Come on. -I don't want you to come anyway. What? -What? Come on! -Come on! Oh, shit. -Keep still. Okay. Okay. -Oh, shit! No! -No! Oh, no! -Oh, no! Oh, no! -Uh-oh. What? -What? This thing just went up a degree. Ice cream's not workin'. -This thing just went up a degree. Ice cream's not workin'. This river's fed by a glacier. Willing to bet my life that it's a good deal under fifty degrees. -This river's fed by a glacier. Willing to bet my life that it's a good deal under fifty degrees. Okay. -Okay. Worth a try. -Hey, you didn't happen to lock the truck up when you got out... ...did you? -...did you? You're fucked, man. -You're fucked, man. See, now why would you do that to a man in my posi-... -See, now why would you do that to a man in my posi-... ...-tion? -...-tion? Hey, I didn't steal the truck. You... -Hey, I didn't steal the truck. You... ...stole the truck. -...stole the truck. Hey, I told you I did not steal that truck. Andy owes me a lot more than that four-wheeled... -Hey, I told you I did not steal that truck. Andy owes me a lot more than that four-wheeled... ...piece of shit was worth. -...piece of shit was worth. It won't even start half the time. -It won't even start half the time. You know what I'm sayin'? -You know what I'm sayin'? I deserve a lot more than that truck! Ten years, ten years I busted my ass for that fat rat bastard. -I deserve a lot more than that truck! Ten years, ten years I busted my ass for that fat rat bastard. And he swore, he swore once I got a degree... -And he swore, he swore once I got a degree... ...there'd be a sales rep desk with my name on it. But every time something opened up, there'd be some idiot cousin... -...there'd be a sales rep desk with my name on it. But every time something opened up, there'd be some idiot cousin... ...or nephew or some good old boy... -...or nephew or some good old boy... ...just ready to just slide him right in there. And what about me, huh? What about Arlo, huh? What about my needs? You know, I got a-I got student loans... -...just ready to just slide him right in there. And what about me, huh? What about Arlo, huh? What about my needs? You know, I got a-I got student loans... ...overdrawn bank accounts. -...overdrawn bank accounts. Nobody's lookin' out for my interests. My credit was fucked! And then when he promoted Sam over me, I just snapped. So I split. -Nobody's lookin' out for my interests. My credit was fucked! And then when he promoted Sam over me, I just snapped. So I split. So you took his... -So you took his... ...truck. -...truck. So I took his truck, yeah. -So I took his truck, yeah. Yeah. -Yeah. You know. -You know, four years ago, I was a split end at Kentucky State. We were nationally ranked. -We were nationally ranked. How wonderful for you. -How wonderful for you. Started every game my senior year. Not all-American or anything, but not bad. Anyway, the real star was my best friend, the quarterback. Got taken in the first round. -Started every game my senior year. Not all-American or anything, but not bad. Anyway, the real star was my best friend, the quarterback. Got taken in the first round. Robert Del Rio? -Robert Del Rio? Yeah, Robert Del Rio. -Yeah, Robert Del Rio. I remember him. Got in a car crash or somethin'. -I remember him. Got in a car crash or somethin'. We were celebrating right after the draft, going from bar to bar. I was drivin'. -We were celebrating right after the draft, going from bar to bar. I was drivin'. And I put the car into a ditch. He spent eighteen weeks in the... -And I put the car into a ditch. He spent eighteen weeks in the... ...hospital. -...hospital. Never gonna throw a ball in the pros. -Never gonna throw a ball in the pros. Couldn't deal with it. So I split. -Couldn't deal with it. So I split. And things sort of just went downhill from there. -And things sort of just went downhill from there. Anyway, about ten months ago, I wound up in Jerome, workin' for Darlene. -Anyway, about ten months ago, I wound up in Jerome, workin' for Darlene. Well, shit. Could be worse. I mean, we're both up shit's creek, but at least we have a paddle. -Well, shit. Could be worse. I mean, we're both up shit's creek, but at least we have a paddle. We got two paddles. -Listen, Arlo... ...for whatever it's worth, I'm sorry I dragged you into this... -...for whatever it's worth, I'm sorry I dragged you into this... ...shit. -...shit. To tell you the truth, you didn't. -To tell you the truth, you didn't. Not completely, anyway. -Not completely, anyway. I mean, if that gun was... -I mean, if that gun was... ...loaded, I didn't buy you as a shoot- ... -...loaded, I didn't buy you as a shoot- ... ...-er. It was your friend... -...-er. It was your friend... ...Long. Somethin' about that look in his eye when he talked about that Elvis... -...Long. Somethin' about that look in his eye when he talked about that Elvis... ...shit. -...shit. Well, all the same. If we get to Missoula, help me find a car. I'd appreciate it. Then...you can... -Well, all the same. If we get to Missoula, help me find a car. I'd appreciate it. Then...you can... ...split. -...split. Split? I wouldn't get ten... -Split? I wouldn't get ten... ...miles. -That is loud! I'm Whoo! -Whoo! Yeah, baby! -All right, all right. Hey, hey. Hey. Mason. -Hey. Mason. Yeah. -Yeah. I think you oughta cut a... -I think you oughta cut a... ...deal with this asshole. -...deal with this asshole. Even though it is nice to see Andy... -Even though it is nice to see Andy... ...squirm, I don't want his brains all over my shirt... -...squirm, I don't want his brains all over my shirt... ...or my conscience. -...or my conscience. A-And you owe me... -A-And you owe me... ...man. -...man. Yeah, I know, I know. -Are you all right? No. -They're takin' off. Huh? -Huh? They're movin'. -Hey, just shut up. We're gonna die! -We're gonna die! Arlo, shut up. -We're gonna die! We're gonna die! -We're gonna die! Hey, hey, hey. -Put your hand in my pants. What? -We're gonna die, and you want me to do some freaky shit like that?! Arlo! Arlo. -Arlo! Arlo. Reach into my pocket. -Come on! Oh. -Oh. Okay. -Okay. Yeah. -Yeah. Okay. -Okay. All right. Okay. -Come here. Go, go, go! -...-natic. That's why I didn't give it... -That's why I didn't give it... ...to him. -...to him. What? -What? You got Elvis?! -You got Elvis?! Sometimes the prey bites back. -Sometimes the prey bites back. Go! -Hang... ...on! -Aw, shit. Would you be more care-... ...-ful?! -...-ful?! Okay. Okay. -Oh, fuck! Forty-five seven! -Forty-five seven! Oh, shit. -Oh, shit. Okay. -We! I've got the real thing! -I've got the real thing! We've got Elvis! -Here... ...they come! -...they come! And Brynner's right on... -And Brynner's right on... ...our ass! -...our ass! He's comin' up fast! -Okay... ...here comes the... -...here comes the... ...tunnel! -...tunnel! Tunnel. -Whoo! Whoo! -Forty-seven. You'd better floor it. What do you think I'm doin'?! -What the hell? What the--? -What the--? You've gotta be... -Stupid. I'm gonna kill him. -Shoot me. What's it say? -What's it say? Forty-nine point four. -Forty-nine point four. It says forty- nine. -Mason. What? -What? It's melting, man. -What? It's working. -We got-... ...-ta get outta here! -...-ta get outta here! Vitelli! Vitelli! -Well, hell, the smoke's gonna kill us anyway! There's gotta be... -There's gotta be... ...another way outta here. Hey. -...another way outta here. Hey. Hold this. -Hold this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Hang on, hang on. Let's go! -Let's go! Go. -Got it? Come on, darlin'. I gotcha. Arlo, I'm gonna get Elvis. You go. -Arlo, I'm gonna get Elvis. You go. They'll meet you at the top. -They'll meet you at the top. Okay. Come on, big guy! -Look out. What'd you come back for?! -What'd you come back for?! Why'd you stay behind?! -We're the shit. Bigtime. They aren't exactly gonna publicize this, Arlo. -They aren't exactly gonna publicize this, Arlo. Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey. We are heroes, my man. It's time to start actin' like it. -Stop limpin' around like that. Excuse me. I got a bullet in my leg. -Excuse me. I got a bullet in my leg. Always the negative... -You did help a little. Who drove the ice cream... -Who drove the ice cream... ...truck that kept Elvis cool? -...truck that kept Elvis cool? Who had to put a gun to your head? -Who had to put a gun to your head? Who put the big hurt on... -Who put the big hurt on... ...that Army nut job to save your narrow butt? -...that Army nut job to save your narrow butt? You, Arlo. -You, Arlo. Hello. -Hello. You. -You. Right. You damn skippy. And now that I am both jobless... -Right. You damn skippy. And now that I am both jobless... ...and-and-and truckless in the service of my country... -...and-and-and truckless in the service of my country... ...I feel that my government owes me a little restitution. -...I feel that my government owes me a little restitution. Us. Owes us. -Us. Owes us. I'll handle this from here, sweet Owes us a little restitution. -Patriotism is its own reward. I think so too. -I think so too. Yeah. -Yeah. Thank you. -Thank you. Thank you very much. -Thank you very much. "What about all that ""no need to get in the man's..." -"What about all that ""no need to get in the man's..." "...face"" crap you've been telling me?" -"...face"" crap you've been telling me?" I was not in the man's face. I was nego-... -I was not in the man's face. I was nego-... ...-tiatin'. -...-tiatin'. Look. That's negotiating? He threatened to kill... -Look. That's negotiating? He threatened to kill... ...us. -...us. But he didn't. See, that's negotiation. -But he didn't. See, that's negotiation. No. -No. That's bullshit. -That's bullshit. Bullshit, yeah. Well...if we're not gonna be famous, at least this'll be a great story to tell some ladies in a bar or somethin'. -Bullshit, yeah. Well...if we're not gonna be famous, at least this'll be a great story to tell some ladies in a bar or somethin'. Arlo, nobody's gonna believe us. -Oh! Oh, oh! -Oh, oh! I feel faint. -I feel faint. Ooh. -You know, it's, uh-it's very hush-hush, as we say in the spy game. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. -It all started with our mission in Istanbul. Yeah. -Yeah. I was undercover as a tennis player. -I was undercover as a tennis player. Yeah. -Yeah. My code name was Blackjack. Night Shift was my coach. Uh-Uh-Uh, I'm sorry. Mason was my coach. -Uh, he handled rackets, and I carried the balls. Yeah. -Yeah. you see, that was a-that was my mission. -you see, that was a-that was my mission. big balls. -big balls. That's right. -Hey. Hey, be cool. -Hey, be cool. Be cool. Be-- -Be cool. Be-- That was quick. -To tell you the truth, we're looking for a scientist who's gone missing from the Tech Center. Maybe you know him. Richard Long. We're worried... -We're worried... ...about him. -...about him. I'll keep an eye out. -Give it to me now, or you'll be dead... ...within five minutes. -...within five minutes. It's for you. -What'd he say? Don't be tedious, waiter. Dr. Long called it Elvis. -Listen, shithead! I got three thousand dollars of highly perishable ice cream products that taste bad enough when it's... -I got three thousand dollars of highly perishable ice cream products that taste bad enough when it's... ...frozen! So if you don't mind--! -...frozen! So if you don't mind--! Just give me Elvis and I'll make sure you have enough money for a dozen ice cream trucks. -Just give me Elvis and I'll make sure you have enough money for a dozen ice cream trucks. I don't ever wanna see another ice cream... -Your move. Okay, Vaughn, you drive. Oh, my God. -I urge you to be persuasive. This country trained me to kill... -This country trained me to kill... ...without compunction. -...without compunction. Well, well, well. -Well, well, well. Funny situation, ain't it, Andy? -Funny situation, ain't it, Andy? Three seconds. One... -And it won't be pleasant. But... -But... ...such is the price...of patriotism. -...such is the price...of patriotism. Vaughn. -Vaughn. Hey! -Well, that just about figures for today. So...where's my truck? -So...where's my truck? It's, uh, parked just off of Highway Thirty-Five. -It's, uh, parked just off of Highway Thirty-Five. I did what I could for you... -I did what I could for you... ...Arlo, and you screwed me for it. Now, where's my goddamn truck? -...Arlo, and you screwed me for it. Now, where's my goddamn truck? I ain't got time to argue with you today, Andy. But I can tell you this. Takin' your truck pissed you off? -Why don't you get that tub of shit Sam to... ...help you? -...help you? Look, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. Whatever you want. Please! -Yeah, that's my truck. Mason, you have to take this... -Mason, you have to take this... ...to Fort McGruder in his truck. -...to Fort McGruder in his truck. Wait. This town is full of trucks. Nice new trucks. You don't need to go... -Wait. This town is full of trucks. Nice new trucks. You don't need to go... ...take my sorry old truck. -...take my sorry old truck. We do need your truck. -So you called the damned thing Elvis I had no idea how powerful it was. -I had no idea how powerful it was. Eighteen men were k- killed in sec-... -Eighteen men were k- killed in sec-... ...-onds...with just a fraction of what's in... -...-onds...with just a fraction of what's in... ...here. Mason... -...about the man who did this, he's-he's comin' after it. You-You can't let him... -You-You can't let him... ...have it. You have to...have to get it to M...to McGruder. -...have it. You have to...have to get it to M...to McGruder. Hey, actually... -You got a prob-... ...-lem too? -...-lem too? No, sir. I've never seen this guy before. -Well, why don't they talk to the sage of Jerome here?! What the hell's a sage? -Listen, deputy. He's the dude... -He's the dude... ...the guy the Army guys are lookin' for! -...the guy the Army guys are lookin' for! Bullshit. Put the phone down, Mason. -What? Say again... ...Mason. I can barely hear you. -...Mason. I can barely hear you. We've got it... -We've got it... ...on ice! We've got Elvis on ice! -...on ice! We've got Elvis on ice! Hold it! -All right, gentlemen. We're about done here. Fine job. Thank you. -Thank you. Your country and a lot of innocent people in it... -Your country and a lot of innocent people in it... ...owe you. -...owe you. Us. Owe us. -We do have to take into consideration that, through your courage... ...and selfless actions, you did save millions of lives. -...and selfless actions, you did save millions of lives. Exactly. -Exactly. However, you are also non-en-... -However, you are also non-en-... ...-listed personnel with detailed knowledge of classified secrets falling under the National Security Act. -...-listed personnel with detailed knowledge of classified secrets falling under the National Security Act. In order to protect those secrets, I am authorized to fine you, imprison you... -In order to protect those secrets, I am authorized to fine you, imprison you... ...to take any extreme measures I deem necessary... -...to take any extreme measures I deem necessary... ...including the permanently extreme. -...including the permanently extreme. I'd say we're about even. -Whoo-hoo! Are you crazy?! Take the boat?! -Colonel Vitelli. We got a busted-in cold vault inside. Is it--? -Is it--? Looks like it. Yes, sir. -Looks like it. Yes, sir. Alert seventy-fifth rangers. Code Blue. Tell them Elvis has left the building. -They were all wearing hardware. Any of them Richard Long? -Any of them Richard Long? No, sir. -Yes, sir. If you're right, Lewis, this Mason is one hell of a pro. He must have a service record and a paper trail some-... -Doc-... ...-tor Long. -...-tor Long. What the hell is all this about a detonation today? We're scheduled... -What the hell is all this about a detonation today? We're scheduled... ...to be off the island tonight. -...to be off the island tonight. And I changed the schedule. -And I changed the schedule. I don't work for you, Captain Brynner. -I don't work for you, Captain Brynner. Sweeney tells me you don't have computer confirmation? -Sweeney tells me you don't have computer confirmation? You know, captain, if you hadn't spent so much of your career questioning your superiors, you might've found yourself with more gold leaf on your col-... -You know, captain, if you hadn't spent so much of your career questioning your superiors, you might've found yourself with more gold leaf on your col-... ...-lar. -...-lar. This isn't some kind of pissing contest, Long. You may be in charge here, but those men out there are my responsi-... -This isn't some kind of pissing contest, Long. You may be in charge here, but those men out there are my responsi-... ...-bility. -...-bility. Look, this is a scientific experiment, okay? -Look, this is a scientific experiment, okay? If it works, your stock at the Pentagon will go up along with mine. I don't think I need to mention you could use the help. -If it works, your stock at the Pentagon will go up along with mine. I don't think I need to mention you could use the help. The NSA thinks the UN is onto your work... -The NSA thinks the UN is onto your work... ...here, and the White House is screaming about chemical weapons, and we're... -...here, and the White House is screaming about chemical weapons, and we're... ...sittin' here with our hands in the goddamn cookie jar! And let me tell you something else. I didn't join the service to let people like you turn... -...sittin' here with our hands in the goddamn cookie jar! And let me tell you something else. I didn't join the service to let people like you turn... ...the United States into the kind of country we're supposed to be fighting against. -...the United States into the kind of country we're supposed to be fighting against. But you have no choice but to follow orders. -But you have no choice but to follow orders. Now listen to me. -Now listen to me. Now, I know. You have moral objections to what we're doing here, but believe... -Now, I know. You have moral objections to what we're doing here, but believe... ...me, if I thought there was any real danger, I-I wouldn't go forward. -...me, if I thought there was any real danger, I-I wouldn't go forward. You have my word on that. -You have my word on that. All right. One more shot, provided... we're off the island tonight. -All right. One more shot, provided... we're off the island tonight. Let's proceed. -"""I am become Death, the..." "...destroyer of worlds.""" -"...destroyer of worlds.""" No! -No! No! -You'll kill us all! Damn you, Long! My people are out there! Your people are out there! -Damn you, Long! My people are out there! Your people are out there! It's too... -Andrew... ...I wish they would've let me say something... -...I wish they would've let me say something... ...about-- -...about-- There's nothing to say, doctor. Someone had to take the fall, and they still need you, whereas...I've never been anything more than a thorn in their collective side, as you once said. -Is this stool taken? No, go-- -No, go-- You look good, Richard. -You look good, Richard. You look fit...healthy... -You look fit...healthy... ...not at all like a man responsible for the deaths of eighteen peo-... -...not at all like a man responsible for the deaths of eighteen peo-... ...-ple. -...-ple. Is that why you're here? To blame... -Is that why you're here? To blame... ...me? Well, you could've saved yourself the trip. -...me? Well, you could've saved yourself the trip. I know where the blame belongs. But I didn't put you in prison, Andrew. The government did... -I know where the blame belongs. But I didn't put you in prison, Andrew. The government did... ...that. -...that. Oh, I'm well aware of what the government did, I assure you. Actually, I've just come to say how grateful I am to you... -Oh, I'm well aware of what the government did, I assure you. Actually, I've just come to say how grateful I am to you... ...and the government. -...and the government. Grateful? -Grateful? Mm-hm. -Mm-hm. Together, you gave me the opportunity to realize just how very wrong my life had gone. -Together, you gave me the opportunity to realize just how very wrong my life had gone. Do you remember telling me once that all through my career, I'd never fit in? Well... -Do you remember telling me once that all through my career, I'd never fit in? Well... ...you were right, of course. But after... -...you were right, of course. But after... ...years of thinking the matter over, I began to see that the whole thing wasn't really my problem. -...years of thinking the matter over, I began to see that the whole thing wasn't really my problem. What rational man could fit in with the sorts of things our government was doing? The sorts of things you've... -What rational man could fit in with the sorts of things our government was doing? The sorts of things you've... ...always done, Richard? -...always done, Richard? Do you think I haven't seen the bodies of those... -Do you think I haven't seen the bodies of those... ...men every time I've closed my eyes? But after you went away, I-- -...men every time I've closed my eyes? But after you went away, I-- Went away? -Went away? """Went away."" I like that." -"""Went away."" I like that." Almost quaint. -Almost quaint. All right. After they put you away... -All right. After they put you away... ...I began trying to find ways of controlling the effects of the weapon that we tested on Horn Island. -...I began trying to find ways of controlling the effects of the weapon that we tested on Horn Island. And let me guess. You failed. -And let me guess. You failed. So far, ye-yes. -So far, ye-yes. Why is it you scientists can create implements of destruction... -Do you know what'll... ...happen if I drop this? -...happen if I drop this? Brynner. -Brynner. Well, Lieutenant Vitelli. -Well, Lieutenant Vitelli. Good to see you again, Leo. -Good to see you again, Leo. Pleasant surprise. -Pleasant surprise. I can't say it's a surprise. -I can't say it's a surprise. And I certainly can't say it's pleasant. -And I certainly can't say it's pleasant. As soon as I heard Elvis was on the loose, you came to mind. -As soon as I heard Elvis was on the loose, you came to mind. I checked your release date. I never liked coincidences. -I checked your release date. I never liked coincidences. And I don't like deviations from plans, Leo, as I'm sure you re-... -Yeah, I had a small problem with members of our side murdering civil-... ...-ians. But I assure you, Leo... -...-ians. But I assure you, Leo... ...I lost all my squeamishness at Leav- ... -...I lost all my squeamishness at Leav- ... ...-enworth. I'll have no compunction at all about using this. -...-enworth. I'll have no compunction at all about using this. Hm. The wind's northwest. That oughta be...Seattle. -Hm. The wind's northwest. That oughta be...Seattle. Or I may be wrong. The breeze could be gusting south. That'd be Billings... -Or I may be wrong. The breeze could be gusting south. That'd be Billings... ...maybe even Salt Lake, not to mention Casper... -...maybe even Salt Lake, not to mention Casper... ...Destry, Fair Oaks.... -...Destry, Fair Oaks.... Knowing you, Brynner, you've got buyers waiting to buy! You're not gonna use that... -Knowing you, Brynner, you've got buyers waiting to buy! You're not gonna use that... ...here! -...here! And I'm warning you, Leo. Don't test me. Get your men and your machines off my radar screen in five, or three million people will die. -And I'm warning you, Leo. Don't test me. Get your men and your machines off my radar screen in five, or three million people will die. I'll do it. -I'll do it. Tell the choppers we're lifting off! -Get 'em on line, then stall. Long can't have gotten far. Closin' down, sir. -Closin' down, sir. Vaughn, Burke, move to the end of the street. Fan out and work your way back to the motel. -There's nothing in here, sir. They got away with it. All right. Let's clear the mess and move out. -Besides, how are we gonna sell something we don't have? Nothing has changed, I assure you both. The Army still thinks we got Elvis. They had a tactical withdrawal. It's just those two amateurs now. Do you really want to concede a hundred million dollars to them? -This is it. INT. U.S. RESEARCH LABORATORY/STORAGE AREA/FREEZER VAULT - NIGHT. -Move. This is already affecting our schedule. INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - NIGHT. -Dennis, radio the bikes. I wanna know if so much as a squirrel... EXT. BRYNNER'S VAN - NIGHT. -...comes up that road. INT. DARLENE'S STORE - NIGHT. -Well. It appears someone's been lying to us. INT. DARLENE'S STORE - DAY. -Radio the bikes. INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - DAY. -Dutiful citizens, you have something which I have waited years for. INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - DAY. -You have no idea what you're in possession of, do you? INT. ICE CREAM TRUCK/CAB - DAY. -And so Missoula's prodigal son returns. INT. HARDWARE STORE - DAY. -Of which we have more than enough. INT. HELICOPTER - DAY. -All right. Tell the pilot we'll be a half-hour. EXT. DAM - DAY. -Carl! Set up the camera. INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - DAY. -Carl, establish contact with that deputy we met earlier. He'll be more useful now. INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY. -Hit him. INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY -Hit him again. INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY. -Vaughn. We're in. -There. Check it out. -It's clean. Check the immediate area. -Check the immediate area. This was supposed to be a... -This was supposed to be a... ...quick in and out. -...quick in and out. You have ten percent of a hundred million dollars comin' your way. I think we can impose on you for a little overtime. -Sir, all potential customers have been informed of the delay. Fur-... ...-ther orders? -...-ther orders? No. A pair of average citizens have decided to risk their lives for their country. I almost remember what that feels like. -Vaughn, get the M-seventy-nine ready. You can't fire on them. You're gonna detonate the crystals. -You can't fire on them. You're gonna detonate the crystals. Prep the launcher now. -Shit. Just when we have all the cards, Vaughn. Take these two behind the van. -Just when we have all the cards, Vaughn. Take these two behind the van. Move! -Dennis! Get your links set up! -Get your links set up! I wanna patch in from... -I wanna patch in from... ...here! -...here! What about these two? -What about these two? We're gonna use them for demonstration footage. -We're gonna use them for demonstration footage. Having witnessed the effects myself, I can assure you it'll be very useful when the bidding starts. -Having witnessed the effects myself, I can assure you it'll be very useful when the bidding starts. Get 'em in the middle of the dam. -Get 'em in the middle of the dam. Sir. -I'm on it. Stay put. Keep the camera trained on... -This river ends at a hydro dam... ...in Missoula. All we need to do is get to Mason before anyone else does. -...in Missoula. All we need to do is get to Mason before anyone else does. Carl, Dennis, get out of sight. -Carl, Dennis, get out of sight. Officer Pappas, I'm glad you're here. -Officer Pappas, I'm glad you're here. Mind if you tell me what's goin' on? -Mind if you tell me what's goin' on? I'm Colonel Brynner, U.S. Special Operations Com-... -I'm Colonel Brynner, U.S. Special Operations Com-... ...-mand out of Fort Bragg. -...-mand out of Fort Bragg. We were called in by the Jerome base... -We were called in by the Jerome base... ...to pursue a man who's stolen government proper-... -...to pursue a man who's stolen government proper-... ...-ty. -...-ty. Right. Tim Mason. -Right. Tim Mason. You know the suspect? -You know the suspect? Yeah, he's wanted in connection with a death this morning at the Jerome... -Yeah, he's wanted in connection with a death this morning at the Jerome... ...general store. -...general store. Richard Long. -Richard Long. That's right. -That's right. Long went missing from the Tech Center this morning along with a very dangerous... -Hemmings! Sam, I thought I told you to close up shop and be ready to move up the island by night-... ...-fall. -...-fall. Yes, Captain Brynner, you did, but-but-- -Yes, Captain Brynner, you did, but-but-- But... -But... ...what, Sam? Can't I go down to the loading dock for a few hours without coming back to find a major... -...what, Sam? Can't I go down to the loading dock for a few hours without coming back to find a major... ...screwup? -...screwup? Uh, with all due respect, sir, Dr. Long told me to prep the field for detonation at... -Uh, with all due respect, sir, Dr. Long told me to prep the field for detonation at... ...noon. -...noon. Jesus Chri-- We're on a very slippery slope here, Sam. A covert military operation riddled with civilian... -Jesus Chri-- We're on a very slippery slope here, Sam. A covert military operation riddled with civilian... ...scientists. -...scientists. You don't think it's that bad, do you, sir? I mean, Long's spent the last two years developing his defoliant. The stuff can't even kill crabgrass yet. -You don't think it's that bad, do you, sir? I mean, Long's spent the last two years developing his defoliant. The stuff can't even kill crabgrass yet. Where's their protective... -Where's their protective... ...gear? -...gear? It's a hundred degrees... -It's a hundred degrees... ...out here, captain. Don't you think the guys deserve a break? -...out here, captain. Don't you think the guys deserve a break? They'll get a break tomorrow. -We gotta get help. Aw, fuck! Damn. Mornin'. -Mornin'. Is this your establishment? -Is this your establishment? Yeah, they call me Dar-... -Yeah, they call me Dar-... ....-lene. -....-lene. Well, then, how about a cup of coffee, Darlene? -Well, then, how about a cup of coffee, Darlene? Iced coffee. -Iced coffee. I assume you want that to go. -I assume you want that to go. Assumptions are always... -Assumptions are always... ...dangerous. -...dangerous. Quite a getup for jacking... -Quite a getup for jacking... ...deer. -...deer. I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? Uh, you wanna hunt outta season, it's cool with me. But mostly, well, they just take a six... -Uh, you wanna hunt outta season, it's cool with me. But mostly, well, they just take a six... ...and a rifle. You, on the other hand... -...and a rifle. You, on the other hand... ...look like you're after something more dangerous. -...look like you're after something more dangerous. Actually, I was just looking for a restroom. -Actually, I was just looking for a restroom. I assume you have one. -I assume you have one. Assumptions are always dangerous. -Doc... ...Long. -...Long. Doc Long. Yeah, I know him. Weirdo guy. He comes in from... -Doc Long. Yeah, I know him. Weirdo guy. He comes in from... ...time to time, yeah. -...time to time, yeah. Not tonight... -Not tonight... ...though. -Odd, then, that his car... ...should be right outside. -...should be right outside. Like I say, Doc Long's... -Yeah? Contrary to what Dr. Long may have told you, this is neither... -Contrary to what Dr. Long may have told you, this is neither... ...your concern nor your fight. Relinquish the package and you can go. -...your concern nor your fight. Relinquish the package and you can go. I don't know what the hell... -I want you to look at one another... ...and ask a simple question - Are you actually prepared... -...and ask a simple question - Are you actually prepared... ...to die for a country that's... -...to die for a country that's... ...never done a thing for you? -...never done a thing for you? Because if you don't give me that cylinder, your lives will end... -Because if you don't give me that cylinder, your lives will end... ...on this miserable road to nowhere. -...on this miserable road to nowhere. And I can't guarantee the end will be quick. -And I can't guarantee the end will be quick. Elvis is fuckin' dead, man. Get yourself some CDs. -Hello. I got someone who's anxious to talk to you, Mr. Mason. -Yeah, I'm listenin'. Then meet me at the dam in fifteen minutes. -I don't see my container. You try anything, it goes in... -You try anything, it goes in... ...the river. -...the river. It's a little late for matinee heroics, Mason. Just give me the con-... -It's a little late for matinee heroics, Mason. Just give me the con-... ...-tainer! -...-tainer! Where's Arlo? -Where's Arlo? Bring him up. -Your fellow hero, untouched... ...and unharmed, de-... -...and unharmed, de-... ...-spite the mouth. -...-spite the mouth. Him first. -No. Where's Elvis?! -Where's Elvis?! Dead, last time I... -Dead, last time I... ...checked. -Why? You're a nothing, nobody! Why? You'd never understand! -You'd never understand! I would've in another life. -Goddamn it, Ma-... ...-son. Of all the days for you to show up late. First, the idiot April calls in sick. Then I got a bad tooth... -...-son. Of all the days for you to show up late. First, the idiot April calls in sick. Then I got a bad tooth... ...and then my night man shows up when he feels like... -...and then my night man shows up when he feels like... ...it. -...it. Darlene, it's five-thirty. Now, I worked late for you this mornin', and you didn't wanna spring for over-... -Darlene, it's five-thirty. Now, I worked late for you this mornin', and you didn't wanna spring for over-... ...-time, remember? -...-time, remember? Oh. Well, I have got to get to the dentist be-... -Oh. Well, I have got to get to the dentist be-... ...-fore he closes, which means you're gonna have to cover the grill and the floor. -...-fore he closes, which means you're gonna have to cover the grill and the floor. I can handle it. -I can handle it. Mm. It doesn't take a genius. -Yeah? Be sure you feed Bosco. -Be sure you feed Bosco. And don't give him any ice cream... -And don't give him any ice cream... ...like April. It gives him gas. And make sure there's two pots of coffee... -...like April. It gives him gas. And make sure there's two pots of coffee... Two pots of coffee... -Two pots of coffee... ...ready before the morning crowd blows in. -...ready before the morning crowd blows in. ...ready before the morning crowd blows in. I got it... -Oh, caught a few, lost a few. Story of my life. Well, one thing you won't lose is that friend of yours back there, I'll tell you that. -Story of my life. Well, one thing you won't lose is that friend of yours back there, I'll tell you that. Oh, no? -Oh, no? Oh, you're two of a kind, doc. Oh, he may not have your sheepskins, and... -Oh, you're two of a kind, doc. Oh, he may not have your sheepskins, and... ...well, most of the time he looks like something the cat might have dragged in, but, you know... -...well, most of the time he looks like something the cat might have dragged in, but, you know... ...he's smart enough to get you... -...he's smart enough to get you... ...somehow. -...somehow. There's something else too. -There's something else too. Uh, we both like to fish. -Uh, we both like to fish. Secrets. -Secrets. Ah. -Ah. His I know. Yours I don't have a clue. But if it wasn't for you, I think he'd have drifted right on through this town. -You know, I have yet to get a simple cup of coffee and a meal in this place, Darlene. And you ain't gonna start now. -Video lock. You got thirty minutes. -You got thirty minutes. INT. U.S. RESEARCH LABORATORY/CORRIDOR - NIGHT. -It's after five... INT. DARLENE'S STORE - NIGHT. -Rangers. Go. -Go. EXT. DAM - DAY. -Sir, I got Taipei grindin' on me here. How long is this supposed to ta--? EXT. DAM - DAY. -Geneva just pulled the plug. Kabula's out. -Kabula's out. EXT. DAM - DAY. -Hit it... ...now! -...now! INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY. -No sign of 'em... INT. VITELLI'S HELICOPTER - DAY. -Forty-nine? INT. VITELLI'S HELICOPTER - DAY. -Major, we've gotta seal that tunnel! Major! INT. TUNNEL - DAY. -Great. All right... ...we're gonna seal that tunnel! I want it air-... -...we're gonna seal that tunnel! I want it air-... ...tight! -...tight! INT. TUNNEL - DAY. -Colonel, sir, who the hell is this guy? He was Major Andrew Bryn-... -It's not over, Brynner. Sir, we can't just let him get away with this! -Sir, we can't just let him get away with this! Gomez, you fight the battles you can win. Now, we've been outmaneuvered here. Brynner's next move is gonna be to get Elvis out of the country and sell him to the highest bidder. To do that, he has to have planned an exit point. That's where we intercept him. That's where we make our play. Now you and your men back off. -Gomez, you fight the battles you can win. Now, we've been outmaneuvered here. Brynner's next move is gonna be to get Elvis out of the country and sell him to the highest bidder. To do that, he has to have planned an exit point. That's where we intercept him. That's where we make our play. Now you and your men back off. All right, let's move... -What's going on, colonel? Here's what I want you to do. -...that tunnel. Get ready to take it out! -Is Elvis out? Negative. Negative. -That little geek is my... ...son. -...son. All right. Enough. Look... -Thanks. It must've happened right after we left. -It must've happened right after we left. Missoula's reporting the refrigerator truck as a stolen vehicle. I told you Mason was walking shit. -Missoula's reporting the refrigerator truck as a stolen vehicle. I told you Mason was walking shit. Pappas, that other guy was unloading ice cream into a freezer. Now, what could he have to do with a military scientist, huh? -Pappas, that other guy was unloading ice cream into a freezer. Now, what could he have to do with a military scientist, huh? The sooner you get up the lab, the sooner you'll figure it out. -And where are you going? After that re-... -Deputy Art Lewis, Jerome County Sheriff's Department. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. I don't suppose you'd like to tell me what this is all about. -I don't suppose you'd like to tell me what this is all about. I will tell you what I... -What the hell are you talkin' about... ...colonel? -...colonel? Have you I.D.'d the bodies? -Well, I've got Dr. Long's body down at the coroner's office. One of our units is pursuing a suspect up the thirty-... -One of our units is pursuing a suspect up the thirty-... ...-five. -...-five. Who's your suspect? -Who's your suspect? A man named Tim Ma-... -A man named Tim Ma-... ...-son. -...-son. Run a check. FBI, Interpol. -Mason? No, he's a soda-jerk drifter, a hamburger flipper. It could be a cover, I suppose. -Morning, doc. Awful early, aren't ya? Couldn't sleep, Pumper. Is everything, uh, all right tonight? -Couldn't sleep, Pumper. Is everything, uh, all right tonight? There's nothin' goin' on out there, doc...except maybe the occasional fly fisherman. -Hey, doc. Might wanna... ...try this one out some-... -...try this one out some-... ...-time. -...-time. Excellent. -Been trying to figure out your secret. My secret? -My secret? Yeah. Ten months we've been fishin' this river together. We use the same equipment, more or less... -Yeah. Ten months we've been fishin' this river together. We use the same equipment, more or less... ...but you pull twice as many fish out of the water as I do. -...but you pull twice as many fish out of the water as I do. And I'm good at this. Been doing it since I was a kid. But you, I don't know. Somehow you think... -And I'm good at this. Been doing it since I was a kid. But you, I don't know. Somehow you think... ...like a fish. -...like a fish. No, that's not possible, Mason. The trout... -No, that's not possible, Mason. The trout... ...is a perfect hunter. -...is a perfect hunter. He's brains without ambition... -He's brains without ambition... ...sensitivity without neurosis. He's... -...sensitivity without neurosis. He's... ...the master of his realm. -...the master of his realm. How can we ever hope to win against the trout? -How can we ever hope to win against the trout? There's only one way you can do it, Mason. -There's only one way you can do it, Mason. Turn the power of the hunter against him. -Turn the power of the hunter against him. Tie a fly... -Tie a fly... ...create a piece of bait that sends the fish's instincts into overdrive... -...create a piece of bait that sends the fish's instincts into overdrive... ...forcing him to strike. And only then does our noble friend realize that the prey...can bite... -...forcing him to strike. And only then does our noble friend realize that the prey...can bite... ...back... -...back... ...and that power... -...and that power... ...without caution... -...without caution... ...is death. -...is death. Some people might say you're readin' an awful lot in-... -Some people might say you're readin' an awful lot in-... ...-to a simple thing like... -...-to a simple thing like... ...fishin'. -...fishin'. Some people might. -Mason. Shit! Oh, shit. -Call an ambulance. No... -The compound has to be kept cold... ...or it'll ignite. -...or it'll ignite. Cold? Cold. How cold? -Cold? Cold. How cold? Never let it reach fifty degre-degrees. -Never let it reach fifty degre-degrees. And what if it does? -And what if it does? Everything will die, Mason. -You're the only one I can trust. The only one who understands what this me-... -The only one who understands what this me-... ...-m-means, Mason. -...-m-means, Mason. Doctor. -Yeah, I just.... Tryin' to remember somethin' somebody once told me about tyin' a fly. -Tryin' to remember somethin' somebody once told me about tyin' a fly. And only then does our noble friend realize... -And only then does our noble friend realize... ...that the prey can bite back. -...that the prey can bite back. Let me have those. -Mr. Sweeney, how goes it? Well, Costello's finished with the stability profile, but Abbott is still chewing on the load file. -Well, Costello's finished with the stability profile, but Abbott is still chewing on the load file. So reaction temperature is fifty degrees. -So reaction temperature is fifty degrees. Well, your prediction was on the nose. -Well, your prediction was on the nose. How much longer for the range and power projections? -How much longer for the range and power projections? I don't know. Um, he's working, but there's a lot of data. Maybe...another hour? -I don't know. Um, he's working, but there's a lot of data. Maybe...another hour? We don't have an hour. We're already supposed to be shut down. -Dr. Long! I got eight thousand yards. Radius is five... -I got eight thousand yards. Radius is five... ...miles. -...miles. What? -...you, Mason? Yeah, yeah... -What? Say again, Ma-... ...-son. -...-son. What we gave Brynner on the dam was a phony! -What we gave Brynner on the dam was a phony! We've got the real thing! -We've got the real thing! Where are you now... -Where are you now... ...Mason? -...Mason? I'm at mile marker... -Mason, what is the temperature of Elvis?! Forty-seven. -Forty-seven. If you're not out of there soon, I have got to seal the... -If you're not out of there soon, I have got to seal the... ...tunnel! -...tunnel! God! They're gonna seal it. -Mason. Mason! Yeah. -There's a vent shaft leading straight up. Okay, I'll have a chopper meet you at the top. -So, Mason, last Wednesday night, uh...were you out... ...uh, drifting around like the trash you are, or were you here workin'? -...uh, drifting around like the trash you are, or were you here workin'? If it was Wednesday night, I was workin'. -If it was Wednesday night, I was workin'. Do you recognize this young man? -Do you recognize this young man? Nope. Is there a prob-... -Nope. Is there a prob-... ...-lem? -...-lem? You find yourself wearing a... -You find yourself wearing a... ...badge someday, then you can ask the questions. Until then... -...badge someday, then you can ask the questions. Until then... ...you answer mine. -...you answer mine. Got that? -Got that? So you don't remember... -So you don't remember... ...selling this young man beer Wednesday night. -...selling this young man beer Wednesday night. I don't sell beer to minors. I take that kinda thing... -I don't sell beer to minors. I take that kinda thing... ...seriously. -...seriously. That's not the way I... -Lying? Mason, you wouldn't know the truth if it bit you. We've got your whole record. We know about the-the conviction for vagrancy... -Mason, you wouldn't know the truth if it bit you. We've got your whole record. We know about the-the conviction for vagrancy... ...public drunkenness.... -...public drunkenness.... I didn't sell the boy any... -I didn't sell the boy any... ...beer. -...beer. Shut your mouth until I tell you... -Shut your mouth until I tell you... ...to talk, son. -...to talk, son. "You know, I gotta tell you. That really bothers me, somebody calls me ""son.""" -"You know, I gotta tell you. That really bothers me, somebody calls me ""son.""" "Then how about if I call you ""ass-..." -Let me see your... ...hands! -...hands! Pappas! Move the car! -I said let me see your hands now! You redneck idiot, do you have... -You redneck idiot, do you have... ...any idea what's goin' on here?! -...any idea what's goin' on here?! Yeah, asshole. I'm puttin' a murder suspect and a guy who... -Yeah, asshole. I'm puttin' a murder suspect and a guy who... ...stole a truck under arrest. -Listen, Pappas... ...there's a colonel... -...there's a colonel... ...on the other end of this phone. -...on the other end of this phone. His name's Vitelli. Talk to him. He's right out-... -His name's Vitelli. Talk to him. He's right out-... ...side! -...side! What happened to Colonel Brynner? -Wait. Listen to me, Pappas. If you don't let us by... ...we're all gonna die in this... -...we're all gonna die in this... ...tunnel now! -...tunnel now! Just go check the temperature. -Just go check the temperature. Don't move! -What the hell was that? The Army, sealin' us in. -The Army, sealin' us in. Jesus. -All right. I'll lead 'em out. -You sure? Yeah, I'm sure. -Yeah, I'm sure. All right, go. -All right, go. Fol-... -Okay, doc. The usual. Doc. -The usual. Doc. EXT. U.S. ARMY RESEARCH LABORATORY/GUARD GATE - JEROME - NIGHT. -Get in EXT. DARLENE'S STORE - NIGHT. -Gimme this god-... ...-damn phone. -...-damn phone. Talk to me. -Talk to me. INT. BRYNNER'S VAN - DAY. -Arlo. INT. ANDY'S ICE CREAM FACTORY/ANDY'S OFFICE - DAY. -Oh. BLACK BACKGROUND. -We've gotta take out Brynner's van before they reach... INT. GOMEZ'S HELICOPTER - DAY. -Do it now. INT. GOMEZ'S HELICOPTER - DAY. -Uh, so head for the other end of the tunnel. INT. VITELLI'S HELICOPTER - DAY. -I'll stay here and secure this position. INT. POSTAL VAN - DAY. -It's too late, Mason. I've... INT. TUNNEL - DAY. -...gotta seal it. INT. GOMEZ'S HELICOPTER - DAY. -Negative. Negative. INT. VITELLI'S HELICOPTER - DAY. -There's ammo fire from Brynner's vehicle. He must've had a damn arsenal in there. -He must've had a damn arsenal in there. INT. TUNNEL - DAY. -Now! Seal that tunnel now! INT. TUNNEL - DAY. -Look at that. Heat's murder. -Barney, who is this bimbo? He a regular customer? Take it easy, Jake. -Take it easy, Jake. Look, pal. I make an honest living. People don't come to me unless they're miserable and I help 'em out of a bad situation. I don't kick them out of their homes like you jerks who work in the bank. -Look, pal. I make an honest living. People don't come to me unless they're miserable and I help 'em out of a bad situation. I don't kick them out of their homes like you jerks who work in the bank. Jake, for Christ's sake. -I don't know how that got in the paper as a matter of fact – it surprised me it was so quick. I make an honest living. 'Course you do, Jake. -'Course you do, Jake. An honest living. -An honest living. So anyway, he says, 'whyn't you do what the Chinese do?' -I'll settle for L.A. County. Row twenty-three, section C. -How come all these new names are pasted into the plat book? Land sales out of escrow are always recorded within the week. -Then these are all new owners? That's right. -That's right. But that means that most of the valley's been sold in the last few months. -But that means that most of the valley's been sold in the last few months. If that's what it says. -If that's what it says. Can I check one of these volumes out? -Can I check one of these volumes out? Sir, this is not a lending library, it's the Hall of Records. -Sir, this is not a lending library, it's the Hall of Records. Well, then, how about a ruler? -Well, then, how about a ruler? A ruler? -A ruler? The print's pretty fine. I forgot my glasses. I'd like to be able to read across. -Sir? I said horseshit. Horseshit. -I said horseshit. Horseshit. Yes, sir, that's what it looks like. I'll give you that. -Always? What? Oh, damn near yes. Unless the animal's sick or something. And the steam rising off it like that in the morning. That's life, Mr. Gittes. Life. -You know, you've got a nasty reputation, Mr. Gittes. I like that. Thanks. -Thanks. If you were a bank president that would be one thing, but in your business it's admirable. And it's good advertising. -If you were a bank president that would be one thing, but in your business it's admirable. And it's good advertising. It doesn't hurt. -It doesn't hurt. It's why you attract a client like my daughter. -It's why you attract a client like my daughter. Probably. -Probably. But I'm surprised you're still working for her, unless she's suddenly come up with another husband. -But I'm surprised you're still working for her, unless she's suddenly come up with another husband. No. She happens to think the last one was murdered. -How did she get that idea? I think I gave it to her. -Fine, as long as you don't serve chicken that way. Tell me. What do the police say? -Tell me. What do the police say? They're calling it an accident. -They're calling it an accident. Who's the investigating officer? -Who's the investigating officer? Lou Escobar – he's a Lieutenant. -Lou Escobar – he's a Lieutenant. Do you know him? -Do you know him? Oh yes. -Oh yes. Where from? -Where from? We worked in Chinatown together. -We worked in Chinatown together. Would you call him a capable man? -Would you call him a capable man? Very. -Very. Honest? -Honest? Far as it goes. Of course he has to swim in the same water we all do. -Far as it goes. Of course he has to swim in the same water we all do. Of course, but you've got no reason to think he's bungled the case? -Of course, but you've got no reason to think he's bungled the case? None. -None. That's too bad. -That's too bad. Too bad? -Too bad? It disturbs me, Mr. Gittes. It makes me think you're taking my daughter for a ride. Financially speaking, of course. How much are you charging her? -It disturbs me, Mr. Gittes. It makes me think you're taking my daughter for a ride. Financially speaking, of course. How much are you charging her? My usual fee, plus a bonus if I come up with any results. -My usual fee, plus a bonus if I come up with any results. Are you sleeping with her? Come, come, Mr. Gittes. You don't have to think about that to remember, do you? -If you want an answer to that question I can always put one of my men on the job. Good afternoon, Mr. Cross. Mr. Gittes! You're dealing with a disturbed woman who's lost her husband. I don't want her taken advantage of. Sit down. -Mr. Gittes! You're dealing with a disturbed woman who's lost her husband. I don't want her taken advantage of. Sit down. What for? -What for? You may think you know what you're dealing with, but believe me, you don't. -Why is that funny? It's what the D.A. used to tell me about Chinatown. -It's what the D.A. used to tell me about Chinatown. Was he right? -...Exactly what do you know about me, Mr. Gittes? Mainly that you're rich and too respectable to want your name in the papers. -Mainly that you're rich and too respectable to want your name in the papers. 'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings and whores all get respectable if they last long enough. I'll double whatever your fees are and I'll pay you ten thousand dollars if you can find Hollis' girlfriend. -'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings and whores all get respectable if they last long enough. I'll double whatever your fees are and I'll pay you ten thousand dollars if you can find Hollis' girlfriend. His girlfriend? -His girlfriend? Yes, his girlfriend. -Yes, his girlfriend. You mean the little chippie he was with at the El Macando? -You mean the little chippie he was with at the El Macando? Yes. She's disappeared, hasn't she? -Yes. She's disappeared, hasn't she? Yeah. -Yeah. Doesn't that strike you as odd? -Doesn't that strike you as odd? No. She's probably scared to death. -No. She's probably scared to death. Wouldn't it be useful to talk to her? -Wouldn't it be useful to talk to her? Maybe. -Maybe. If Mulwray was murdered, she was probably one of the last people to see him. -If Mulwray was murdered, she was probably one of the last people to see him. You didn't see Mulwray much, did you? -You didn't see Mulwray much, did you? No. -No. When was the last time? -Sheriff's gold posse... bunch of damn fools who pay $5,000 apiece to the sheriff's reelection. I let 'em practice up out here. Yeah. Do you remember the last time you talked to Mulwray? -At my age, you tend to lose track... Well, It was about five days ago. You were outside the Pig 'n Whistle and you had one hell of an argument. -I've got the photographs in my office. If they'll help you remember. What was the argument about? My daughter. -My daughter. What about her? -What about her? Just find the girl, Mr. Gittes. I think she is frightened and I happen to know Hollis was fond of her. I'd like to help her if I can. -Just find the girl, Mr. Gittes. I think she is frightened and I happen to know Hollis was fond of her. I'd like to help her if I can. I didn't realize you and Hollis were so fond of each other. -Hollis Mulwray made this city and he made me a fortune... We were a lot closer than Evelyn realized. If you want to hire me, I still have to know what you and Mulwray were arguing about. -If you want to hire me, I still have to know what you and Mulwray were arguing about. Well... she's an extremely jealous person. I didn't want her to find out about the girl. -Well... she's an extremely jealous person. I didn't want her to find out about the girl. How did you find out? -How did you find out? I've still got a few teeth in my head, Mr. Gittes, and a few friends in town. -I've still got a few teeth in my head, Mr. Gittes, and a few friends in town. Okay. My secretary'll send you a letter of agreement. Tell me are you worried about that girl, or what Evelyn might do to her? -Okay. My secretary'll send you a letter of agreement. Tell me are you worried about that girl, or what Evelyn might do to her? Just find the girl. -Just find the girl. I'll look into it as soon as I check out some avocado groves. -I'll look into it as soon as I check out some avocado groves. Avocado groves? -Avocado groves? We'll be in touch, Mr. Cross. -Well, you don't look any the worse for wear, Mr. Gittes, I must say... where's the girl?... I've got her. -I've got her. Is she all right? -Is she all right? She's fine. -She's fine. Where is she? -Where is she? With her mother. -I'd like you to look at something, Mr. Cross. What is it? -What is it? An obituary column... can you read in this light? -An obituary column... can you read in this light? Yes... I think I can manage... -What does this mean? That you killed Hollis Mulwray. -...the coroner's report showed Mulwray had salt water in his lungs. Hollie was always fond of tide-pools. You know what he used to say about them? -Hollie was always fond of tide-pools. You know what he used to say about them? Haven't the faintest idea. -Haven't the faintest idea. That's where life begins... marshes, sloughs, tide-pools... he was fascinated by them... you know when we first came out here he figured that if you dumped water onto desert sand it would percolate down into the bedrock and stay there, instead of evaporating the way it does in most reservoirs. You'd lose only twenty percent instead of seventy or eighty. He made this city. -That's where life begins... marshes, sloughs, tide-pools... he was fascinated by them... you know when we first came out here he figured that if you dumped water onto desert sand it would percolate down into the bedrock and stay there, instead of evaporating the way it does in most reservoirs. You'd lose only twenty percent instead of seventy or eighty. He made this city. And that's what you were going to do in the Valley? -And that's what you were going to do in the Valley? No, Mr. Gittes. That's what I am doing with the Valley. The bond issue passes Tuesday. There'll be ten million to build an aqueduct and reservoir. I'm doing it. -No, Mr. Gittes. That's what I am doing with the Valley. The bond issue passes Tuesday. There'll be ten million to build an aqueduct and reservoir. I'm doing it. There's going to be some irate citizens when they find out they're paying for water they're not getting. -There's going to be some irate citizens when they find out they're paying for water they're not getting. That's all taken care of. You see, Mr. Gittes. Either you bring the water to L.A. or you bring L.A. to the water. -That's all taken care of. You see, Mr. Gittes. Either you bring the water to L.A. or you bring L.A. to the water. How do you do that? -How do you do that? Just incorporate the Valley into the city so the water goes to L.A. after all. It's very simple. -How much are you worth? I have no idea. How much do you want? -I have no idea. How much do you want? I want to know what you're worth. Over ten million? -I want to know what you're worth. Over ten million? Oh, my, yes. -Oh, my, yes. Then why are you doing it? How much better can you eat? What can you buy that you can't already afford? -Then why are you doing it? How much better can you eat? What can you buy that you can't already afford? The future, Mr. Gittes. The future. Now where's the girl?... I want the only daughter I have left... as you found out, Evelyn was lost to me a long time ago. -The future, Mr. Gittes. The future. Now where's the girl?... I want the only daughter I have left... as you found out, Evelyn was lost to me a long time ago. Who do you blame for that? Her? -Hello. Have you got your checkbook handy, Mr. Cross? I've got the girl. -Have you got your checkbook handy, Mr. Cross? I've got the girl. You've got her? Where? -You've got her? Where? Do you remember the figures we discussed? -Do you remember the figures we discussed? Of course I do. Where are you? -Of course I do. Where are you? At your daughter's house. How soon can you get here? -At your daughter's house. How soon can you get here? Two hours... tell me, will Evelyn be there as well? -Two hours... tell me, will Evelyn be there as well? Either that or she'll be in jail. -Either that or she'll be in jail. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Just bring your checkbook. -She's just no good. What can I tell you, Kid? You're right. When you're right, you're right, and you're right. -What can I tell you, Kid? You're right. When you're right, you're right, and you're right. Ain't worth thinking about. -You're absolutely right, I wouldn't give her another thought. You know, you're okay, Mr. Gittes. I know it's your job, but you're okay. -You know, you're okay, Mr. Gittes. I know it's your job, but you're okay. Thanks, Curly. Call me Jake. -Thanks, Curly. Call me Jake. Thanks. You know something, Jake? -Thanks. You know something, Jake? What's that, Curly? -What's that, Curly? I think I'll kill her. -They don't kill a guy for that. Oh they don't? -Oh they don't? Not for your wife. That's the unwritten law. -...No... You bet your ass you don't. You can't even pay me off. -I'll pay the rest next trip. We only caught sixty ton of skipjack around San Benedict. We hit a chubasco, they don't pay you for skipjack the way they do for tuna or albacore. Forget it. I only mention it to illustrate a point... -What kind of guy do you think I am? Thanks, Mr. Gittes. -Thanks, Mr. Gittes. Call me Jake. Careful driving home, Curly. -Gee, this is a surprise, Mr. Gittes. Call me Jake. How is everything? -Call me Jake. How is everything? Just sitting down to supper, Jake. Care to join us? -Just sitting down to supper, Jake. Care to join us? No thanks. -No thanks. How about a glass of wine? Honey, this is... -Sure thing. Curly, where's your car? -Curly, where's your car? In the garage. -In the garage. Where's that? -Where's that? Off the alley. -Off the alley. Could you drive me somewhere? -Could you drive me somewhere? Sure, as soon as we eat. -Sure, as soon as we eat. Right now, Curly. It can't wait. -Right now, Curly. It can't wait. I'll just tell my wife. -I'll just tell my wife. Tell her later. -How much do you owe me, Curly? Oh, gee, Mr. Gittes we're going out tomorrow. I know you been real good about it but my cousin Auggie's sick. -Oh, gee, Mr. Gittes we're going out tomorrow. I know you been real good about it but my cousin Auggie's sick. Forget it. How would you like to pay me off by taking a couple of passengers to Ensenada... you'd have to leave tonight. -Forget it. How would you like to pay me off by taking a couple of passengers to Ensenada... you'd have to leave tonight. I don't know... -I don't know... I might be able to squeeze an extra seventy-five bucks out of it for you. Maybe an even hundred. -I might be able to squeeze an extra seventy-five bucks out of it for you. Maybe an even hundred. Plus what I owe you? -Plus what I owe you? I'll throw that in too. -I'll throw that in too. Okay, you got yourself a boat. -Tell Mrs. Mulwray to wait for half an hour after you get there. Then if I don't show, take her down to the boat. You sure this is okay? -You sure this is okay? Curly, you know how long I been in business. -So there's this fella who's tired of screwing his wife. Jake, listen. -Jake, listen. Shut up, Duffy, you're always in a hurry and his friend says why not do what the Chinese do? So he says what do they do? His friend says the Chinese they screw for a while. Just listen a second, Duffy... -There's seven ashtrays in this room, Duffy. Okay. -Okay. That's a filthy habit. -That's a filthy habit. I said okay, Jake. -I said okay, Jake. Yeah, yeah. If she'd come in here saying she was Shirley Temple you'd say okay to that, too. -Then what'll you do? Sue the shit out of 'em. -Yes. I've been wanting to meet you. -I've been wanting to meet you. Why? -Why? Did you know that you're a very wealthy woman? -Did you know that you're a very wealthy woman? I'm not. -I'm not. Well you own a lot of land. -Well you own a lot of land. Not anymore. Oh, some time ago, my late husband owned a good deal of beach property in Long Beach, but we lost it. -That's just lovely. Thank you... -Where did you get this material? The apple core club. -The apple core club. The apple core? -The apple core? No. The albacore. It's a fish. My grandson's a member and they take very nice care of us. -No. The albacore. It's a fish. My grandson's a member and they take very nice care of us. How do they do that? -How do they do that? Give us things. Not just some old flag like this, but –- -Give us things. Not just some old flag like this, but –- But what? -Hello, Jake. How are you, Lou? -How are you, Lou? I have a cold I can't seem to shake but other than that, I'm fine. -I have a cold I can't seem to shake but other than that, I'm fine. Summer colds are the worst. -Summer colds are the worst. Yeah, they are. -Thanks, Lou. How'd you get past the guards? -How'd you get past the guards? Well, to tell you the truth, I lied a little. -You've done well by yourself. I get by. -I get by. Well, sometimes it takes a while for a man to find himself and I guess you have. -You're behind the times, Jake. They've got steam irons now. And I'm out of Chinatown. Since when? -Since when? Since I made Lieutenant. -Congratulations. Uh-huh. So what are you doing here? -Uh-huh. So what are you doing here? Looking for someone. -Looking for someone. Who? -Who? Hollis Mulwray. You seen him? -Hollis Mulwray. You seen him? Oh yes. -Oh yes. I'd like to talk to him. -I'd like to talk to him. You're welcome to try. There he is. -You wouldn't happen to know the present whereabouts of the young woman. No. -No. Or her name? -Or her name? No. -I don't want it anymore. No? -No? No. It was an accident. -No. It was an accident. You mean that's what you're going to call it. -No, he drowned a cousin of mine with about five hundred other people. But they weren't very important, just a bunch of dumb Mexicans living by a dam. Now beat it, Gittes, you don't come out of this smelling like a rose, you know. Oh yeah? Can you think of something to charge me with? -Oh yeah? Can you think of something to charge me with? When I do, you'll hear about it. -What are you doing here? Didn't you call? -Didn't you call? How do you happen to know her? -How do you happen to know her? I don't. -I don't. Let me show you something. -Isn't that your number? Is it? I forget. I don't call myself that often. -Is it? I forget. I don't call myself that often. Just to be on the safe side, we had Loach here give you a ring. -Yeah, I took 'em. So what? How did she... ...happen to have them? -You really think I'm stupid, don't you, Gittes? I don't think about it one way or the other. But if you want, give me a day or two, and I'll get back to you. Now I'd like to go home. -I don't think about it one way or the other. But if you want, give me a day or two, and I'll get back to you. Now I'd like to go home. I want the rest of the pictures. -I want the rest of the pictures. What pictures? -What pictures? This broad hired you, Gittes, not Evelyn Mulwray. -This broad hired you, Gittes, not Evelyn Mulwray. Yeah? -Yeah? Yeah. Somebody wanted to shake down Mulwray, she hired you, and that's how you happen to know Mulwray was murdered. -Yeah. Somebody wanted to shake down Mulwray, she hired you, and that's how you happen to know Mulwray was murdered. I heard it was an accident. -I heard it was an accident. C'mon, you think you're dealing with a bunch of assholes? Mulwray had salt water in his goddam lungs! Now how did he get that... in a fresh water reservoir? -You were following him night and day. You saw who killed him. You even took pictures of it. It was Evelyn Mulwray. She's been paying you off like a slot machine ever since her husband died. You accusing me of extortion? -You accusing me of extortion? Absolutely. -Absolutely. I don't think I need a day or two. You're even dumber than you think I think you are. Not only that, I'd never extort a nickel out of my worst enemy, that's where I draw the line, Escobar. -I don't think I need a day or two. You're even dumber than you think I think you are. Not only that, I'd never extort a nickel out of my worst enemy, that's where I draw the line, Escobar. Yeah, I once knew a whore who for enough money would piss in a customer's face, but she'd never shit on his chest. That's where she drew the line. -Yeah, I once knew a whore who for enough money would piss in a customer's face, but she'd never shit on his chest. That's where she drew the line. Well, I hope she wasn't too much of a disappointment to you, Lou. -I want those photographs, Gittes. We're talking about accessory after the fact, conspiracy, and extortion. Minimum. Why do you think Mulwray's body was moved you dimwit? Evelyn Mulwray knocked off her husband in the ocean and thought it would look like more of an accident if she hauled him up to the Oak Pass Reservoir? -Mulwray was murdered and moved because somebody didn't want his body found in the ocean. And why's that? -And why's that? He found out somebody was dumping water there. That's what they were trying to cover up by moving him. -What are you talking about? C'mon I'll show you. -It's too late. Too late for what? -Too late for what? They only dump the water at night. -I know what he says. Shut up. Go on. -I don't suppose you got any idea Where she went? Matter of fact I do. -Matter of fact I do. Where? -Where? Her maid's house. I think she knows something's up. -Her maid's house. I think she knows something's up. What's the maid's address? -What's the maid's address? She lives in Pedro. I'll write it down for you. -She lives in Pedro. I'll write it down for you. No, Gittes, you'll show us. -No, Gittes, you'll show us. What for? -What for? If she's not there, you're going downtown, and you're staying there til she shows up. -If she's not there, you're going downtown, and you're staying there til she shows up. Gee, Lou, I'm doing the best I can. -Gee, Lou, I'm doing the best I can. Tell us about it on the way to Pedro. -That's it? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, let's go. -Well, let's go. Do me a favor, will you, Lou? -You never learn, do you, Gittes? I guess not. -I guess not. Give you three minutes. -Give you three minutes. Gee, thanks, Lou. -Mrs. Mulwray, you don't want to run around like that. Oh, Christ. Escobar, you don't know what's going on. Let her go. I'll explain it later. -Oh, Christ. Escobar, you don't know what's going on. Let her go. I'll explain it later. Mrs. Mulwray, it's a very serious offense pointing that at an officer of the law. It's a felony. -Mrs. Mulwray, it's a very serious offense pointing that at an officer of the law. It's a felony. Let her go. She didn't kill anybody. -Let her go. She didn't kill anybody. I'm sorry, Mrs. Mulwray. -I'm sorry, Mrs. Mulwray. Lou, she will kill you. Let her go for now. You don't know. -Lou, she will kill you. Let her go for now. You don't know. Gittes, stay outta this. -Who is he, get his name? I'll kill him. Take it easy, take it easy, it was an accident. -Take it easy, take it easy, it was an accident. An accident? -Get him away from her. He's responsible for everything. Get him away from her! Jake, you're very disturbed. You're crazy. That's her father. -It looks like he was washed the entire length of the runoff channel. Could he swim? Of course. -Of course. Obviously the fall must have knocked him out. -...Well, it didn't make him happy... But there is no possibility he would have taken his own life? -But there is no possibility he would have taken his own life? No. -No. Mrs. Mulwray, do you happen to know the name of the young woman in question? -No. Do you know where she might be? -Do you know where she might be? Certainly not! -You and your husband never discussed her? He... we did... he wouldn't tell me her name. We quarreled over her... of course. It came as a complete surprise to me. -He... we did... he wouldn't tell me her name. We quarreled over her... of course. It came as a complete surprise to me. A complete surprise? -A complete surprise? Yes. -Yes. But I thought you'd hired a private investigator. -But I thought you'd hired a private investigator. A private investigator? -A private investigator? Mr. Gittes. -Mr. Gittes. Well yes. -Will you need me for anything else, Lieutenant? I don't think so, Mrs. Mulwray. Of course you have my deepest sympathy and if we need anymore information, we'll be in touch. -Not that Mulwray? Yes, that Mulwray, Mr. Gittes. And since you agree with me we've never met, you must also agree that I haven't hired you to do anything. Certainly not spy on my husband. I see you like publicity, Mr. Gittes. Well, you're going to get it. -Yes, that Mulwray, Mr. Gittes. And since you agree with me we've never met, you must also agree that I haven't hired you to do anything. Certainly not spy on my husband. I see you like publicity, Mr. Gittes. Well, you're going to get it. Now wait a minute, Mrs. Mulwray... -Would you like something to drink? What are you having? -What are you having? Iced tea. -Iced tea. Yeah. Fine, thank you. -My husband's at the office. Actually he's not. And he's moved from his apartment at the El Macando. -Actually he's not. And he's moved from his apartment at the El Macando. That's not his apartment. -That's not his apartment. Anyway... I... the point is, Mrs. Mulwray. I'm not in business to be loved, but I am in business, and believe me, whoever set up your husband, set me up. L.A.'s a small town, people talk. -I'm just trying to make a living, and I don't want to become a local Joke. Mr. Gittes, you've talked me into it. I'll drop the lawsuit. -Mr. Gittes, you've talked me into it. I'll drop the lawsuit. What? -What? I said I'll drop it. -So let's just drop the whole thing. Sugar? Lemon? Mrs. Mulwray? -Mrs. Mulwray? Yes, Mr. Gittes? -Yes, Mr. Gittes? I don't want to drop it. -I should talk this over with your husband. Why?... What on earth for? Look, Hollis seems to think you're an innocent man. -Why?... What on earth for? Look, Hollis seems to think you're an innocent man. Well, I've been accused of many things, Mrs. Mulwray, but never that. -You see, somebody went to a lot of trouble here, and I want to find out, lawsuit or no lawsuit. I'm not the one who's supposed to be caught with my pants down... so I'd like to see your husband. Unless that's a problem. What do you mean? -What do you mean? May I speak frankly, Mrs. Mulwray? -May I speak frankly, Mrs. Mulwray? You may if you can, Mr. Gittes. -You may if you can, Mr. Gittes. Well, that little girlfriend, she was attractive in a cheap sort of way of course. She's disappeared. Maybe they disappeared together somewhere. -Well, that little girlfriend, she was attractive in a cheap sort of way of course. She's disappeared. Maybe they disappeared together somewhere. Suppose they did. How does it concern you? -Suppose they did. How does it concern you? Nothing personal, Mrs. Mulwray, I just -- -Nothing personal, Mrs. Mulwray, I just -- It's very personal. It couldn't be more personal. Is this a business or an obsession with you? -It's very personal. It couldn't be more personal. Is this a business or an obsession with you? Look at it this way. Now this phony broad, excuse the language, says she's you, she's hired me. Whoever put her up to it, didn't have anything against me. They were out to get your husband. Now if I see him, I can help him. Did you talk this morning? -No. I went riding rather early. Looks like you went quite a distance. -Looks like you went quite a distance. No, Just riding bareback, that's all. Anyway, you might try the Oak Pass or Stone Canyon Reservoirs. Sometimes at lunch Hollis takes walks around them. Otherwise he'll be home by 6:30. -No, Just riding bareback, that's all. Anyway, you might try the Oak Pass or Stone Canyon Reservoirs. Sometimes at lunch Hollis takes walks around them. Otherwise he'll be home by 6:30. I'll stop by. -I'll stop by. Please call first. -Mrs. Mulwray?... Mrs. Mulwray. ...Just a minute... -...Just a minute... You left your keys in the ignition. -You left your keys in the ignition. Oh... thank you. -Thank you for going along with me. I just didn't want to explain anything... I'll send you a check. A check? -I got your check in the mall. Yes. As I said, I was very grateful. -Mrs. Mulwray, I'm afraid that's not good enough. Well, how much would you like? -Well, how much would you like? Stop it. The money's fine. It's generous but you've shortchanged me on the story. -Stop it. The money's fine. It's generous but you've shortchanged me on the story. I have? -I have? I think so. Something besides your husband's death was bothering you. You were upset but not that upset. -I think so. Something besides your husband's death was bothering you. You were upset but not that upset. Mr. Gittes... Don't tell me how I feel. -Sorry. Look, you sue me, your husband dies, you drop the lawsuit like a hot potato, and all of it quicker than wind from a duck's ass. Excuse me. Then you ask me to lie to the police. It wasn't much of a lie. -It wasn't much of a lie. If your husband was killed it was. This can look like you paid me off to withhold evidence. -If your husband was killed it was. This can look like you paid me off to withhold evidence. But he wasn't killed. -Well, I suppose I am... actually I knew about the affair. How did you find out? -How did you find out? My husband. -My husband. He told you? -And you weren't the slightest bit upset about it? I was grateful. -You'll have to explain that, Mrs. Mulwray. Why? -Why? Look, I do matrimonial work, It's my metiay. When a wife tells me she's happy her husband is cheating on her it runs contrary to my experience. -Unless what? She's cheating on him. -I don't like the word 'cheat.' Did you have affairs? -Did you have affairs? Mr. Gittes. -Mr. Gittes. Did he know? -Did he know? Well I wouldn't run home and tell him whenever I went to bed with someone, if that's what you mean. -Is there anything else you want to know? Where you were when your husband died. -Where you were when your husband died. I can't tell you. -I can't tell you. You mean you don't know where you were? -You mean you don't know where you were? I mean I can't tell you. -I mean I can't tell you. You were seeing someone, too. -For very long? I don't see anyone for very long, Mr. Gittes. It's difficult for me. Now I think you know all you need to about me. I didn't want publicity. I didn't want to go into any of this, then or now. Is this all? -K... Cross. That your maiden name? -That your maiden name? Yes... why? -Yes... why? No reason. -You must've had a reason to ask me that. No. I'm just a snoop. -No. I'm just a snoop. You seem to have had a reason for every other question. -You seem to have had a reason for every other question. No, not for that one. -No, not for that one. I don't believe you. -How did it happen? Been meaning to talk to you about that. -Been meaning to talk to you about that. Maybe putting your nose in other people's business? -Maybe putting your nose in other people's business? More like other people putting their business in my nose. -Another satisfied client? Another satisfied client's wife. -Oh, no. I've got my own car. The creamcolored Packard. Wait a minute, sonny. I think you better come with me. -Wait a minute, sonny. I think you better come with me. What for? There's nothing more to say. Get my car, please. -Whoever's behind my husband's death, why have they gone to all this trouble? Money. How they plan to make it by emptying the reservoirs, that I don't know. -Money. How they plan to make it by emptying the reservoirs, that I don't know. I'll pay your salary plus five thousand dollars if you find out what happened to Hollis and who is involved. -Your father is Julian Cross, isn't he? Yes, of course. It was quite a while after. I was just out of grade school when they did that. -Yes, of course. It was quite a while after. I was just out of grade school when they did that. So you married your father's business partner? -You've got one going, Mrs. Mulwray. Oh. -Is there something upsetting about my asking about your father? No!... Yes, a little. You see Hollis and my fa... my father had a falling out... -No!... Yes, a little. You see Hollis and my fa... my father had a falling out... Over the water department, or over you? -Over the water department, or over you? Not over me. Why would they have a falling out over me? -Not over me. Why would they have a falling out over me? Then it was over the water department. -Then it was over the water department. Not exactly. Well, I mean, yes. Yes and no. Hollis felt the public should own the water but I don't think my father felt that way. Actually, it was over the Van der Lip. The dam that broke. -Not exactly. Well, I mean, yes. Yes and no. Hollis felt the public should own the water but I don't think my father felt that way. Actually, it was over the Van der Lip. The dam that broke. Oh, yeah? -Oh, yeah? Yes. He never forgave him for it. -Yes. He never forgave him for it. Never forgave him for what? -Never forgave him for what? For talking him into building it, he never forgave my father... They haven't spoken to this day. -For talking him into building it, he never forgave my father... They haven't spoken to this day. You sure shout that? -You sure shout that? Of course I'm sure. -Of course I'm sure. What about you? Do you and your father get along? -What are you thinking? Before this I turned on the faucet, it came out hot and cold, I didn't think there was a thing to it. -That dam is a con job. What dam? -What dam? The one your husband opposed. They're conning L.A. into building it, only the water won't go to L.A. It'll go here. -The one your husband opposed. They're conning L.A. into building it, only the water won't go to L.A. It'll go here. The Valley? -The Valley? Everything you can see, everything around us. I was at the Hall of Records today. That bother you? -Everything you can see, everything around us. I was at the Hall of Records today. That bother you? No. -No. In the last three months, Robert Knox has bought 7,000 acres, Emma Dill 12,000 acres, Clarence Speer 5,000 acres, and Jasper Lamar Crabb 25,000 acres. -In the last three months, Robert Knox has bought 7,000 acres, Emma Dill 12,000 acres, Clarence Speer 5,000 acres, and Jasper Lamar Crabb 25,000 acres. Jasper Lamar Crabb? -Jasper Lamar Crabb? Know him? -Know him? No, I think I'd remember. -No, I think I'd remember. Yeah. They've been blowing these farmers out of here and buying their land for peanuts. Have any idea what this land'll be worth with a steady water supply? About thirty million more than they paid. -Yeah. They've been blowing these farmers out of here and buying their land for peanuts. Have any idea what this land'll be worth with a steady water supply? About thirty million more than they paid. And Hollis knew about it? -And Hollis knew about it? It's why he was killed. Jasper Lamar Crabb. Jasper Lamar Crabb. -We got it. We got it, baby. What? What is it? -What? What is it? There was a memorial service at the Mar Vista Inn today for Jasper Lamar Crabb. He died three weeks ago. -There was a memorial service at the Mar Vista Inn today for Jasper Lamar Crabb. He died three weeks ago. Is that unusual? -Is that unusual? Two weeks ago he bought those 25,000 acres. That's unusual. -You're looking at the owners of a 50,000 acre empire. They can't be. -They can't be. They may not know it but they are. -I'll stay. Get in the car. -Maid's night off? Why? -Why? What do you mean, 'why?' Nobody's here, that's all. -What do you mean, 'why?' Nobody's here, that's all. I gave everybody the night off. -I gave everybody the night off. Easy, it's an innocent question. -Easy, it's an innocent question. No question from you is innocent, Mr. Gittes. -No question from you is innocent, Mr. Gittes. I guess not to you, Mrs. Mulwray. Frankly you really saved my a... my neck tonight. -Tell me something. Does this usually happen to you, Mr. Gittes? What's that, Mrs. Mulwray? -What's that, Mrs. Mulwray? Well, I'm only judging on the basis of one afternoon and an evening, but if that's how you go about your work, I'd say you're lucky to get through a whole day. -Well, I'm only judging on the basis of one afternoon and an evening, but if that's how you go about your work, I'd say you're lucky to get through a whole day. Actually this hasn't happened to me in some time. -Actually this hasn't happened to me in some time. When was the last time? -When was the last time? Why? -Why? Just. I don't know why. I'm asking. -It was in Chinatown. What were you doing there? -What were you doing there? Working for the District Attorney. -Working for the District Attorney. Doing what? -As little as possible. The District Attorney gives his men advice like that? -The District Attorney gives his men advice like that? They do in Chinatown. -Boy oh boy, you're a mess. Yeah. -Yeah. So why does it bother you to talk about it... Chinatown... -So why does it bother you to talk about it... Chinatown... Bothers everybody who works there, but to me... It was... -Hold still. Why? You can't always tell what's going on there. -You can't always tell what's going on there. ...No. Why was it. -...No. Why was it. I thought I was keeping someone from being hurt and actually I ended up making sure they were hurt. -I thought I was keeping someone from being hurt and actually I ended up making sure they were hurt. Could you do anything about it? -What's wrong? Your eye. -Your eye. What about it? -What about it? There's something black in the green part of your eye. -There's something black in the green part of your eye. Oh that... It's a flaw in the iris... -Oh that... It's a flaw in the iris... ...A flaw... -...A flaw... ...Yes, sort of a birthmark... -Where? Just... I have to. -Just... I have to. And I want to know where. -And I want to know where. Please don't be angry... believe me, it's got nothing to do with you. -Please don't be angry... believe me, it's got nothing to do with you. Where are you going? -Where are you going? Please!... Trust me this much... I'll be back. Look, there is something I should tell you. The fishing club that old lady mentioned, the pieces off the flag. -Please!... Trust me this much... I'll be back. Look, there is something I should tell you. The fishing club that old lady mentioned, the pieces off the flag. The Albacore Club. -The Albacore Club. It has to do with my father. -It has to do with my father. I know. -I know. He owns it. You know? -He owns it. You know? I saw him. -I saw him. You saw my fa... father? When? -You saw my fa... father? When? This morning. -This morning. You didn't tell me. -You didn't tell me. There hasn't been a lot of time. -What did he say? What did he say? That you were jealous, and he was worried about what you might do. -That you were jealous, and he was worried about what you might do. Do? To who? -Do? To who? Mulwray's girlfriend, for one thing. He wanted to know where she was. -I want you to listen to me. My father is a very dangerous man. You don't know how dangerous. You don't know how crazy. Give me an example. -Give me an example. You may think you know what's going on, but you don't. -You may think you know what's going on, but you don't. That's what your father said. You're telling me he's in back of this whole thing? -That's what your father said. You're telling me he's in back of this whole thing? It's possible. -It's possible. Including the death of your husband? -Including the death of your husband? It's possible. Please don't ask me any more questions now. Just wait, wait for me. I'll be back. I need you here. -Okay, give me the keys. You bastard. -You bastard. It's either that or you drive to the police yourself. -It's either that or you drive to the police yourself. The police? -The police? C'mon, Mrs. Mulwray. You've got your husband's girlfriend tied up in there! -C'mon, Mrs. Mulwray. You've got your husband's girlfriend tied up in there! She's not tied up! -She's not tied up! You know what I mean. You're keeping her there against her will. -You know what I mean. You're keeping her there against her will. I am not! -I am not! Then let's go talk to her. -She's too upset. What about? -What about? Hollis' death. I tried to keep it from her, I didn't want her upset before I could make plans for her to leave. -Hollis' death. I tried to keep it from her, I didn't want her upset before I could make plans for her to leave. You mean she just found out? -You mean she just found out? Yes. -Yes. That's not what it looks like, Mrs. Mulwray. -That's not what it looks like, Mrs. Mulwray. What does it look like? -What does it look like? Like she knows about Hollis' death. Like she knows more than you want her to tell. -Like she knows about Hollis' death. Like she knows more than you want her to tell. You're insane. -Just tell me the truth. I'm not the police. I don't care what you've done. I'm not going to hurt you, but one way or another I'm going to know. You won't go to the police if I tell you? -You won't go to the police if I tell you? I will if you don't. -I can't... Because of Hollis? Because she was seeing your husband? Was that it? Jesus Christ, say something. Was that it? -I took your husband's Buick... I'll return it tomorrow. Aren't you coming back with me? -Aren't you coming back with me? Don't worry. I'm not telling anybody about this. -Don't worry. I'm not telling anybody about this. ...That's not what I meant. -Did you get some sleep? Sure. -Sure. Did you have lunch? Kyo will fix you something. -Did you have lunch? Kyo will fix you something. Where's the girl? -Where's the girl? Upstairs. Why? -Upstairs. Why? I want to see her. -I want to see her. ...she's having a bath now... why do you want to see her? -Going somewhere? Yes, we've got a 4:30 train to catch. Why? -J. J. Gittes for Lieutenant Escobar What are you doing? What's wrong? I told you we've got a 4:30. -What are you doing? What's wrong? I told you we've got a 4:30. You're going to miss your train! Lou, meet me at 1412 Adelaide. It's above Santa Monica Canyon... yeah, soon as you can. -You're going to miss your train! Lou, meet me at 1412 Adelaide. It's above Santa Monica Canyon... yeah, soon as you can. What did you do that for? -What did you do that for? You know any good criminal lawyers? -You know any good criminal lawyers? No... -No... Don't worry. I can recommend a couple. They're expensive but you can afford it. -Don't worry. I can recommend a couple. They're expensive but you can afford it. What the hell is this all about? -I found these in your backyard... in your fish pond. They belonged to your husband, didn't they?... didn't they? I don't know. I mean yes, probably. -I don't know. I mean yes, probably. Yes positively. That's where he was drowned... -Yes positively. That's where he was drowned... What are you saying? -What are you saying? There's no time for you to be shocked by the truth, Mrs. Mulwray. The coroner's report proves he was killed in salt water. Just take my word for it. Now I want to know how it happened and why. I want to know before Escobar gets here because I want to hang onto my license. -There's no time for you to be shocked by the truth, Mrs. Mulwray. The coroner's report proves he was killed in salt water. Just take my word for it. Now I want to know how it happened and why. I want to know before Escobar gets here because I want to hang onto my license. I don't know what you're talking about. This is the most insane... the craziest thing I ever... -Stop it! I'll make it easy. You were jealous, you fought, he fell, hit his head. It was an accident, but his girl is a witness. You've had to pay her off. You don't have the stomach to harm her, but you've got the money to shut her up. Yes or no? ...no... -...no... Who is she? And don't give me that crap about it being your sister. You don't have a sister. -That's good. Now what's her name? Katherine. -Katherine. Katherine?... Katherine who? -Katherine?... Katherine who? She's my daughter. -I said the truth! She's my sister. -I said I want the truth. She's my sister and my daughter! -...he had a breakdown... the dam broke... my mother died... he became a little boy... I was fifteen... he'd ask me what to eat for breakfast, what clothes to wear!... It happened... then I ran away... To Mexico... -Hollis came and took... care of me... after she was born... he said... he took care of her... I couldn't see her... I wanted to but I couldn't... I just want to see her once in a while... take care of her... that's all... but I don't want her to know... I don't want her to know... ...so that's why you hate him... -Yeah... where are you taking her now? Back to Mexico. -Back to Mexico. You can't go by train. Escobar'll be looking for you everywhere. -You can't go by train. Escobar'll be looking for you everywhere. How about a plane? -How about a plane? That's worse... Just get out of here. Walk out, leave everything. -That's worse... Just get out of here. Walk out, leave everything. I have to go home and get my things. -I have to go home and get my things. I'll take care of it. -I'll take care of it. Where can we go? -Where can we go? ...where does Kyo live? -...where does Kyo live? With us. -With us. On his day off. Get the exact address. -On his day off. Get the exact address. Okay... -How do you know? He didn't wear bifocals. -Let me handle that. I'm all right. -I'm all right. Sure, but I'd like to handle it. -Walsh here? He's in the dark room. -Sophie, go to the little girl's room for a minute. But, Mr. Gittes. -But, Mr. Gittes. Sophie. -Sophie. Yes, Mr. Gittes. -Sophie. Yes, Mr. Gittes. -Yes, Mr. Gittes. Get me the Times. Whitey Mehrholtz. And how about that snotty broad? What does she think, she's perfect? Coming in waving her lawyers and her money at me – so goddam smug. She's no better than anybody else in this town. -Where'd he go yesterday? Three reservoirs. Men's room of a Richfield gas station on Flower, and the Pig 'n Whistle. -Three reservoirs. Men's room of a Richfield gas station on Flower, and the Pig 'n Whistle. Jesus Christ, this guy's really got water on the brain. -Jesus Christ, this guy's really got water on the brain. What'd you expect? That's his job. -What'd you expect? That's his job. Listen, we can't string this broad out indefinitely we got to come up with something. -Listen, we can't string this broad out indefinitely we got to come up with something. I think I got something. -I think I got something. Oh yeah? You pick up the watch? -Oh yeah? You pick up the watch? It's on your desk. Say, you hear the one about the guy who goes to the North Pole with Admiral Byrd looking for penguins? -Sophie... is Walsh there?... yeah, listen, pal, Escobar's going to try and book me in about five minutes... relax, I'll tell you. Wait in the office for two hours. If you don't hear from me, you and Duffy meet me at 1712 Alameda. Jesus, that's in Chinatown, ain't it? -Hello, Miss Sessions. I don't believe we've had the pleasure. Oh yes we have... are you alone, Mr. Gittes? -Oh yes we have... are you alone, Mr. Gittes? Isn't everybody? What can I do for you, Miss Sessions? -Well, I'm a working girl, Mr. Gittes. I didn't come in to see you on my own. When did you come in? -When did you come in? I was the one who pretended to be Mrs. Mulwray, remember? -Shut the fuck up! ...Yes I remember nothing, Miss Sessions, just going over a detail or two with my associates... you were saying? Well I never expected anything to happen like what happened to Mr. Mulwray, the point is if it ever comes out I want somebody to know I didn't know what would happen. -Well I never expected anything to happen like what happened to Mr. Mulwray, the point is if it ever comes out I want somebody to know I didn't know what would happen. I understand... if you could tell me who employed you, Miss Sessions. That could help us both. -I understand... if you could tell me who employed you, Miss Sessions. That could help us both. Oh no. -Oh no. ...Why don't you give me your address and we can talk this over? -...Why don't you give me your address and we can talk this over? No, Mr. Gittes. Just look in the obituary column of today's Times... -No, Mr. Gittes. Just look in the obituary column of today's Times... The obituary column? -The obituary column? You'll find one of those people. -You'll find one of those people. 'Those people?' Miss Sessions. -Yeah, Sophie. A Miss Sessions calling. -A Miss Sessions calling. Who? -Who? Ida Sessions. -Ida Sessions. Don't know her. Take a number. -Miss Ida Sessions again. She says you know her. Okay. -Oh my goodness. Nothing to do with Dad. It's me, actually. -Naturally, I want the best for him, money is no object. Perhaps if we could meet your father. -Perhaps if we could meet your father. There's just one question. -There's just one question. Of course. -Of course. Do you accept anyone of the Jewish persuasion? -I'm sorry. We don't. Don't be sorry, neither does Dad. Wanted to make sure though, didn't we, honey? -Just to be certain, I wonder if you could show us a list of your patients? We don't reveal the names of our guests as a matter of policy. I know you'd appreciate that if your father came to live with us. -That's exactly what we wanted to hear. Oh, good. -Oh, good. I wonder, is it too late for us to have a look around? -I wonder, is it too late for us to have a look around? I don't think so. Be happy to show you. -I don't think so. Be happy to show you. Would you mind if we took a stroll on our own? -Would you mind if we took a stroll on our own? Just, if you will, confine yourself to the main building. It's nearly bedtime. -Just, if you will, confine yourself to the main building. It's nearly bedtime. We understand, c'mon, sweetheart. -Can I help you? Russ Yelburton, Deputy Chief in the Department. J.J. Gittes. And it's not a departmental matter. -J.J. Gittes. And it's not a departmental matter. I wonder if you'd care to wait in my office? -After all, you work with a man for a certain length of time, you come to know him, his habits, his values, and so forth. Well either he's the kind who chases after women or he isn't. And Mulwray isn't? -And Mulwray isn't? He never even kids about it. -He never even kids about it. Maybe he takes it very seriously. -You don't happen to know where Mr. Mulwray's having lunch? I'm sorry, I -- -I'm sorry, I -- Well, tell him I'll be back. -Mind if I take one of your cards? In case I want to get in touch with you again. Help yourself. -Relax, Mulvihill, glad to see you. Do you know Claude Mulvihill here? Hope so. He's working for us. -Mr. Gittes, sorry to keep you waiting. These staff meetings, they just go on and on. Yeah, must be especially tough to take over under these circumstances. -Yeah, must be especially tough to take over under these circumstances. Oh yes. Hollis was the best department head the city's ever had. My goodness, what happened to your nose? -Oh yes. Hollis was the best department head the city's ever had. My goodness, what happened to your nose? I cut myself shaving. -I cut myself shaving. You ought to be more careful. That must really smart. -You ought to be more careful. That must really smart. Only when I breathe. -Only when I breathe. Only when you breathe... don't tell me you're still working for Mrs. Mulwray? -Only when you breathe... don't tell me you're still working for Mrs. Mulwray? I never was. -I never was. I don't understand. -I don't understand. Neither do I, actually. But you hired me or you hired that chippie to hire me. -Neither do I, actually. But you hired me or you hired that chippie to hire me. Mr. Gittes, you're not making a bit of sense. -Mr. Gittes, you're not making a bit of sense. Well, look at it this way, Mr. Yelburton. Mulwray didn't want to build a dam and he had a reputation that was hard to get around, so. you decided to ruin it. Then he found out that you were dumping water every night. Then he was drowned. -Well, look at it this way, Mr. Yelburton. Mulwray didn't want to build a dam and he had a reputation that was hard to get around, so. you decided to ruin it. Then he found out that you were dumping water every night. Then he was drowned. Mr. Gittes! That's an outrageous accusation. I don't know what you're talking about. -Mr. Gittes! That's an outrageous accusation. I don't know what you're talking about. Well, Whitey Mehrholtz over at the Times will. Dumping thousands of gallons of water down the toilet in the middle of a drought. That's news. -Wait. Please sit down, Mr. Gittes. We're... well, we're not anxious for this to get around, but we have been diverting a little water to irrigate avocado and walnut groves in the northwest valley. As you know, the farmers there have no legal right to our water, and since the drought we've had to cut them off. The city comes first, naturally. But, well, we've been trying to help some of them out, keep them from going under. Naturally when you divert water you get a little runoff. Yeah, a little runoff. Where are those orchards? -Yeah, a little runoff. Where are those orchards? I said, the northwest valley. -I said, the northwest valley. That's like saying they're in Arizona. -That's like saying they're in Arizona. Mr. Gittes, my field men are out and I can't give you an exact location... -You're a married man, am I right? Yes... -Yes... Hard working, have a wife and kids... -Hard working, have a wife and kids... Yes... -Yes... I don't want to nail you. I just want to know who put you up to it. I'll give you a few days to think it over. Call me. I can help. Who knows? Maybe we can lay the whole thing off on a few big shots and you can stay head of the department for the next twenty years. -Mr. Gittes? Yes? -Yes? Do you know me? -Do you know me? Well... I think I... I would've remembered. -Well... I think I... I would've remembered. Have we ever met? -Have we ever met? Well, no. -Well, no. Never? -Never? Never. -Never. That's what I thought. You see, I'm Mrs. Evelyn Mulwray. You know, Mr. Mulwray's wife. -Speak English?... Habla Ingles? Si. -Si. Didn't you talk to a man here... few days ago... wore glasses... he... -The water. What about the water? -What about the water? When it comes. -When it comes. When it comes? What'd you tell him? -When it comes? What'd you tell him? Comes in different parts of the river. Every night a different part. -Jake, what're you doin' here? Nothin', Morty, it's my lunch hour, I thought I'd drop by and see who died lately. -Yeah? Ain't that something? Middle of a drought, the water commissioner drowns. Only in L.A. Yeah. Banged up pretty bad. -Yeah. Banged up pretty bad. That's a long fall. -That's a long fall. So how are you, Morty? -Yeah. Drowned, too. -Come again? Yeah, got dead drunk, passed out in the bottom of the riverbed. -Yeah, got dead drunk, passed out in the bottom of the riverbed. The L.A. River? -The L.A. River? Yeah, under Hollenbeck Bridge, what's wrong with that? -It's bone dry, Morty. It's not completely dry. -It's not completely dry. Yeah, well he ain't gonna drown in a damp riverbed either, I don't care how soused he was. That's like drowning in a teaspoon. -Gittes?... Gittes? Yeah. -Yeah. Ida Sessions wants to see you. -Ida Sessions wants to see you. Who? -Yeah?... I do? Sure you do. -Sure you do. Well, tell you what, pal. If Ida wants to see me she can call me at my office. -How do you do, Mrs. Mulwray? Mr. Gittes... -Mr. Gittes... Now, Mrs. Mulwray, what seems to be the problem? -No, really? I'm afraid so. -I'm afraid so. I am sorry. -Can't we talk about this alone, Mr. Gittes? I'm afraid not, Mrs. Mulwray. These men are my operatives and at some point they're going to assist me. I can't do everything myself. -I'm afraid not, Mrs. Mulwray. These men are my operatives and at some point they're going to assist me. I can't do everything myself. Of course not. -Of course not. Now, what makes you certain he is involved with someone? -Mrs. Mulwray, do you love your husband? ...Yes of course. -...Yes of course. Then go home and forget about it. -Then go home and forget about it. But... -But... I'm sure he loves you, too. You know the expression, let sleeping dogs lie? You're better off not knowing. -I'm sure he loves you, too. You know the expression, let sleeping dogs lie? You're better off not knowing. But I have to know. -All right, what's your husband's first name? Hollis. Hollis Mulwray. -Hollis. Hollis Mulwray. Water and Power? -This type of investigation can be hard on your pocketbook, Mrs. Mulwray. It takes time. Money doesn't matter to me, Mr. Gittes. -No problem with me on the Job. Yeah. Do you have any references? -Yeah. Do you have any references? City of La Habra Heights filled an 800,000 gallon reservoir with sixteen inches of rain in two days. -City of La Habra Heights filled an 800,000 gallon reservoir with sixteen inches of rain in two days. That's swell. But how about here? Ever worked for Robert Knox, Emma Dill, Clarence Speer, Marian Parsons, or Jasper Lamar Crabb? -That's swell. But how about here? Ever worked for Robert Knox, Emma Dill, Clarence Speer, Marian Parsons, or Jasper Lamar Crabb? Never heard of 'em... new owners? -Never heard of 'em... new owners? Yeah. -Yeah. Lot of turnover these days. Better tell them to get in touch with me if they want to hang onto their land. -Lot of turnover these days. Better tell them to get in touch with me if they want to hang onto their land. Yeah, I'll do that. -Mr. Mulwray, please. He's not in, Mr.? -He's not in, Mr.? Gittes. -Gittes. May I ask what this is regarding? -May I ask what this is regarding? It's personal. Has he been out long? -It's personal. Has he been out long? Since lunch. -Since lunch. Gee whiz. And I'm late. -Gee whiz. And I'm late. He was expecting you? -He was expecting you? Fifteen minutes ago. Why don't I go in and wait? -Mr. Yelburton will be busy for some time. Well I'm on my lunch hour. I'll wait. -Well I'm on my lunch hour. I'll wait. He's liable to be tied up indefinitely. -He's liable to be tied up indefinitely. I take a long lunch. All day sometimes. -Julian Cross worked for the water department? Yes. No. -Yes. No. He did or he didn't? -He did or he didn't? He owned it. -He owned the water department? Yes. -Yes. He owned the entire water supply for the city? -He owned the entire water supply for the city? Yes. -Yes. How did they get it away from him? -How did they get it away from him? Mr. Mulwray felt the public should own the display. The water. If you'll just read the display. -Mr. Mulwray felt the public should own the display. The water. If you'll just read the display. Mulwray? I thought you said Cross owned the department. -Mulwray? I thought you said Cross owned the department. Along with Mr. Mulwray. -Along with Mr. Mulwray. They were partners. -They were partners. Yes. Yes, they were partners. -This? They got into a terrific argument outside the Pig 'n Whistle. -They got into a terrific argument outside the Pig 'n Whistle. What about? -What about? I don't know. The traffic was pretty loud. I only heard one thing – apple core. -I don't know. The traffic was pretty loud. I only heard one thing – apple core. Apple core? -Apple core? Yeah. -Jesus Christ, Walsh. That's what you spent your day doing? Look, you tell me to take pictures, I take pictures. -Look, you tell me to take pictures, I take pictures. Let me explain something to you, Walsh. This business requires a certain finesse. -Look, Jake. She gave us Mulwray's real phone number and address. All she needed for that was the phone book! -All she needed for that was the phone book! No, no. She said not to call, her husband might answer. -No, no. She said not to call, her husband might answer. When I find out who that phony bitch was. -So he says you sent them? They're all a bunch of phonies. -Think you can nail Mulvihill? They'll claim you were trespassing. I don't want Mulvihill. I want the big boys that are making the payoffs. -Yeah? Yeah. What's wrong with you guys? Think ahead. We find 'em, sue 'em. We'll make a killing. We'll have dinner at Chasen's twice a week, we'll be pissing on ice the rest of our lives. -Yeah. What's wrong with you guys? Think ahead. We find 'em, sue 'em. We'll make a killing. We'll have dinner at Chasen's twice a week, we'll be pissing on ice the rest of our lives. Sue people like that they're liable to be having dinner with the Judge who's trying the suit. -Duffy, go over and sit on Mulvihill. Jesus Christ, I didn't tell you to bring the police department with you. Jake, it's Chinatown. They're all over the place. You oughta know better. -Jake, it's Chinatown. They're all over the place. You oughta know better. Gimme your keys. Watch this old fart, will you? Take Duffy's car. Curly's boat's in Pedro, near the Starkist cannery. It's the Evening Star. He'll be waiting. I'll take care of this. -What's that, pal? Nothing. You got a hell of a way to make a living. -Nothing. You got a hell of a way to make a living. Oh? What do you do to make ends meet? -Oh? What do you do to make ends meet? Mortgage Department, First National Bank. -Tell me, how many people a week do you foreclose on? We don't publish a record in the paper, I can tell you that. -We don't publish a record in the paper, I can tell you that. Neither do I. -Neither do I. No, you have a press agent do it. -Not exactly. But that's what you told your wife. -Lots of fellas do. Tell the little woman they're going on a fishing trip, then shack up with some little twist on the island... she pretty? I'm going to see a man called Julian Cross. Ever heard of him? -I'm going to see a man called Julian Cross. Ever heard of him? Is the Pope Catholic? Who are you, mister?... I ask because he doesn't see a whole lot of people. -Is the Pope Catholic? Who are you, mister?... I ask because he doesn't see a whole lot of people. I'm working for his daughter. -I'm working for his daughter. That right?... She used to be some looker. -That right?... She used to be some looker. She ain't exactly long in the tooth now. -She ain't exactly long in the tooth now. She must be about thirty-three, thirty- four. -She must be about thirty-three, thirty- four. You must be thinking of a different daughter. -You must be thinking of a different daughter. No, he's only got one, I remember her age, I read it in the newspapers when she ran away. -No, he's only got one, I remember her age, I read it in the newspapers when she ran away. She ran away? -She ran away? Oh yeah, it was a big thing at the time. Julian Cross' daughter. God almighty. She was a wild little thing. -Course, she settled down nicely. Well, you never know, do you? -Well, you never know, do you? That's for sure. -That's for sure. Why'd she run away? -Why'd she run away? Oh, you know. She was sixteen or seventeen. -Oh, you know. She was sixteen or seventeen. We missed the best of it, didn't we, pal? -She ran off to Mexico. Rumor was she was knocked up and didn't even know who the father was. Went there to get rid of it. You don't say? -You don't say? Cross was looking for her all over the country. Offered rewards, everything. Felt real sorry for him, with all his money. -You must not come here! How many times do I have to tell you? If the film catches fire, runt that you are, you'd go up in a burst of flame...whoosh! And turn into a piece of... ...and turn into a piece of charcoal!! -'Cause sometimes you can't find the right place any more and so...well, actually...they stay here. Besides, there are more kisses than you can count. So I can have these? -So I can have these? Look, Toto! Before I kick your ass all the way to China and back, let's make a deal. These strips here are yours, I give them to you. However! One you're not to stick your nose in here any more. Two I'll keep them for you, because you can't take them home for God forbid and save our souls, if they catch fire, all hell will break loose! OK? Oh!!! And now scram! -What are you doing here? I bought a ticket. I've come to see the film. -Signora Maria, don't do that. He's just a kid. And why are you telling fibs? We let him in free. He must have lost the money inside the movie theatre... How much did you have? Fifty lire... -Fifty lire... What you find tonight on the floor between the seats? -Alfredo, did you know my father? Of course I knew your father. He was tall, thin, pleasant, and had a moustache like mine. Always smiling. He looked like Clark Gable. -'I choose my friends for their looks, and my enemies for their brains...' You're too smart to be my friend. Besides, as I always tell my kids, be careful to pick the right friends! But you don't have any kids!!! -But you don't have any kids!!! All right, all right! When I've got kids that's what I'm telling them! -I told my mother you weren't the one who gave me the films. That it wasn't your fault. But I thought you said the film could catch fire just to scare me. Now that I know, I won't steal any more from you. That's all I wanted to say. I'm going. Toto, come here. -Now listen to what I've got to say. I took up this profession when I was ten years old. In those days there weren't these modern machines. The films were silent. The projectors were run by hand, like this, with a crank. And you wound the crank all day long. It was really rough going! If you got tired and slowed down' boom! Everything would go up in flames! Then why don't you want to teach it to me too? Now that there's no more cranking, and it's easier? -Then why don't you want to teach it to me too? Now that there's no more cranking, and it's easier? Because I don't want to, Toto! This is not a job for you. It's like being a slave. You're always alone. You see the same film over and over again, because you have nothing else to do. And you start talking to Greta Garbo and Tyrone Power like a nut! You work on holidays, on Christmas, on Easter. Only on Good Friday are you free. But if they hadn't put Jesus Christ on a cross...You'd work Good Fridays too! -Because I don't want to, Toto! This is not a job for you. It's like being a slave. You're always alone. You see the same film over and over again, because you have nothing else to do. And you start talking to Greta Garbo and Tyrone Power like a nut! You work on holidays, on Christmas, on Easter. Only on Good Friday are you free. But if they hadn't put Jesus Christ on a cross...You'd work Good Fridays too! Then why don't you change jobs? -Then why don't you change jobs? Because I'm an idiot. How many other guys in town know how to be a projectionist? None! Only a jerk like me could do it. Besides I wasn't lucky. When I was a kid there was the war! When I grew up, another war! Now it's all different. Times have changed. And you want to be a dope like me? Huh? Answer me! -Because I'm an idiot. How many other guys in town know how to be a projectionist? None! Only a jerk like me could do it. Besides I wasn't lucky. When I was a kid there was the war! When I grew up, another war! Now it's all different. Times have changed. And you want to be a dope like me? Huh? Answer me! No... -No... Good for you, Toto. Good for you... I'm only saying this for your own good... Cooped up in here you die of heat in the summer and of cold in the winter. You breathe in smoke, gas fumes, and earn practically nothing. -Good for you, Toto. Good for you... I'm only saying this for your own good... Cooped up in here you die of heat in the summer and of cold in the winter. You breathe in smoke, gas fumes, and earn practically nothing. But don't you like anything about what you do? -But don't you like anything about what you do? With time...you get used to it. Besides, when you hear from up here that there's a full house and that people are laughing, having fun... Then you're happy too. So I've been wasting my breath? You pretend to agree with me, but as soon as my back is turned, you do what you want! Get out of here! I don't want to lay eyes on you again! This is the last straw! Your mother's right, you're crazy!! But how'd he do it? The little bastard! By watching, he's learned! It's incredible! I'm letting the box office know you're not to set foot even into the theatre! There are no more tickets for you! And I'm also talking to Father Adelfio! You won't be an altar boy any more either!!! You little runt! -With time...you get used to it. Besides, when you hear from up here that there's a full house and that people are laughing, having fun... Then you're happy too. So I've been wasting my breath? You pretend to agree with me, but as soon as my back is turned, you do what you want! Get out of here! I don't want to lay eyes on you again! This is the last straw! Your mother's right, you're crazy!! But how'd he do it? The little bastard! By watching, he's learned! It's incredible! I'm letting the box office know you're not to set foot even into the theatre! There are no more tickets for you! And I'm also talking to Father Adelfio! You won't be an altar boy any more either!!! You little runt! Alfredo, go fuck yourself!!! -You understand which side the gelatin's on? It tastes wonderful! -Will they really find work in Germany? Who knows?...It's like an adventure. Hope springs eternal... -Who knows?...It's like an adventure. Hope springs eternal... Peppinoooo! Come back sooon!! Good thing Germany's closer than Russia. -It's got to be sent to another town. And if we don't the owner of that movie house gets pissed off. Too bad! -Any room for me in this Cinema Paradiso? Come in, Alfredo. -How's school? OK. OK. But now that I've got a job, I'11 probably stop going... -OK. OK. But now that I've got a job, I'11 probably stop going... Don't do that...Sooner or later you'll be left empty-handed. -Don't do that...Sooner or later you'll be left empty-handed. Why? What do you mean? -Why? What do you mean? Toto, this isn't for you. For the moment, the Cinema Paradiso needs you, and you need the Cinema Paradiso. But it won't last...Some day you'll have other things to do, more important things... That's right, more important. I know it. Now that I've lost my sight I see more. I see everything I didn't see before... And it's all thanks to you, who saved my life. And I'll never forget it... And don't put on that look. I haven't gone off my head yet. You want proof? -Yes. I want proof. For example, at this moment the film's out of focus. Go see. -What'd I tell you? It doesn't catch fire! Progress! It always arrives too late! -Chaplin's Modern Times! Right, Toto? That's right, Modern Times. -That's right, Modern Times. I've shown it so many times I know it by heart. The first time I showed it, in 1940, was the Sunday my first wife died. They kept it hidden from me all day so they wouldn't have to close down the movie house. I only found out that night, after the last show. Those are things you never forget... So, Toto, how are these home movies going? -I've shown it so many times I know it by heart. The first time I showed it, in 1940, was the Sunday my first wife died. They kept it hidden from me all day so they wouldn't have to close down the movie house. I only found out that night, after the last show. Those are things you never forget... So, Toto, how are these home movies going? Yes. -Yes. What is it, what is it? What's the picture? -What is it, what is it? What's the picture? It's people in the slaughter-house killing a calf. There's blood all over the floor, like a lake. And through this lake another calf passes by on its way to die. -Now what can you see? Nothing, there's nothing. It's all out of focus. -Nothing, there's nothing. It's all out of focus. Is there a woman?...Tell me the truth... There is a woman. -Yes, it's a girl I saw at the station. What's she like? What's she like?... -Eh! Love...what a mystery! I understand you, Toto...The ones with blue eyes are the most beautiful. Whatever you do, you can't make friends with them. Eh, there's nothing to be done about it! The heavier a man is, the deeper his footprints. And if he's in love, he suffers, because he knows he's up a one-way street. Because love is a meaningless thing when a man gets it into his head to do what he wants... What you say is wonderful! But sad... -What you say is wonderful! But sad... They're not my words. John Wayne said it in Shepherd of the Hills. -I told you, the blue-eyed ones are the most difficult. But why? There must be some way to make her understand! -But why? There must be some way to make her understand! Don't think about it, Toto. Don't even try. With feelings, there's nothing to understand. -Stop it! I've had enough of your sermons! You act as if you created the world! Heeey! Totooooo! Don't get pissed off with me now! Come here! I don't know where the fuck I have to go. And the next time be careful how you talk. Not to take credit away from the Lord, but if I had created the world, in all modesty, certain things would have come out better. But unfortunately such was not the case. -Heeey! Totooooo! Don't get pissed off with me now! Come here! I don't know where the fuck I have to go. And the next time be careful how you talk. Not to take credit away from the Lord, but if I had created the world, in all modesty, certain things would have come out better. But unfortunately such was not the case. You see, it s like I say. You always have an answer for everything. -You see, it s like I say. You always have an answer for everything. I want to make you happy, Toto! I'm going to tell you a story. Once upon a time a king gave a feast and there were all the most beautiful princesses of the realm. Basta, one of the guards, saw the king's daughter: she was the loveliest of all! And he immediately fell in love with her. But what could a poor soldier do compared with a king's daughter?!...One day he managed to meet her and told her he couldn't live without her. The princess was so struck by the depth of his feeling that she said to the soldier 'If you will wait a hundred days and a hundred nights beneath my balcony, then in the end I'll be yours.' Christ, the soldier ran off there and waited! One day, two days, ten, twenty...Every night she looked out of her window, but he never budged. Come rain, wind, snow, never budged! The birds shat on him and the bees ate him alive! After ninety nights he was gaunt and pale and tears streamed from his eyes but he couldn't hold them back. He didn't even have the strength to sleep any more. The princess kept watch...And on the ninety-ninth night, the soldier got up, picked up his chair and left! -I want to make you happy, Toto! I'm going to tell you a story. Once upon a time a king gave a feast and there were all the most beautiful princesses of the realm. Basta, one of the guards, saw the king's daughter: she was the loveliest of all! And he immediately fell in love with her. But what could a poor soldier do compared with a king's daughter?!...One day he managed to meet her and told her he couldn't live without her. The princess was so struck by the depth of his feeling that she said to the soldier 'If you will wait a hundred days and a hundred nights beneath my balcony, then in the end I'll be yours.' Christ, the soldier ran off there and waited! One day, two days, ten, twenty...Every night she looked out of her window, but he never budged. Come rain, wind, snow, never budged! The birds shat on him and the bees ate him alive! After ninety nights he was gaunt and pale and tears streamed from his eyes but he couldn't hold them back. He didn't even have the strength to sleep any more. The princess kept watch...And on the ninety-ninth night, the soldier got up, picked up his chair and left! No! You mean right at the end? ALFREDO That's right, Toto, right at the end? And don't ask me what it means. If you figure it out, let me know... -Toto, are you pulling my leg or something? How is it possible to see this television without film? Just so, Alfredo. There isn't any. And if you buy a television set, you can watch it at home, without any fuss... -Just so, Alfredo. There isn't any. And if you buy a television set, you can watch it at home, without any fuss... Could be...But I don't like this business. It smells fishy to me. -You weren't expecting me? No, Alfredo, I was coming to help you... -No, Alfredo, I was coming to help you... You were expecting her? Huh? ...It's a nasty business waiting by yourself. In company it's better. No?...Then I'll leave. -But where'd you go, Toto?!! I'm here! Take it easy! Take it easy! Sit down, sit down... Did she come? -I'm here! Take it easy! Take it easy! Sit down, sit down... Did she come? No, nobody came. -You 're thinner...You can tell you've not been treated well. . They tell me you never go out, never talk to anybody. Why? -They tell me you never go out, never talk to anybody. Why? Toto, sooner or later there comes a time when talking or keeping quiet is the same thing. So it's better to shut up. It's hot in here. Toto, take me to the beach. -Did you ever see her again? No. And nobody knows where she is. -No. And nobody knows where she is. It was probably meant to be like this. Each of us has a star to follow. So now what are you thinking of doing? -Listen to this one...The commander says to the sergeant: 'You remember that windmill that used to be there?' 'Yes, sir, I remember the mill's gone but the wind's still there!' You remember the story of the soldier and the princess? Now I understand why the soldier went away just before the end. That's right, just one more night and the princess would have been his. But she, also, could not have kept her promise. And...that would have been terrible, he would have died from it. So instead, for ninety-nine nights at least he had lived with the illusion that she was there waiting for him... -Now I understand why the soldier went away just before the end. That's right, just one more night and the princess would have been his. But she, also, could not have kept her promise. And...that would have been terrible, he would have died from it. So instead, for ninety-nine nights at least he had lived with the illusion that she was there waiting for him... Do like the soldier, Toto! Go away! This land is cursed. When you're here every day you feel like you're at the center of the universe, it seems like nothing ever changes. Then you go away, one year, two...And when you come back, everything's different. The thread has broken. You don't find those you were looking for, your things no longer exist. Isn't that the case?...You've got to go away a long time, for many, many years, before coming back and finding your people again, the land where you were born...But not now, it's impossible. Now you're blinder than I am. -Do like the soldier, Toto! Go away! This land is cursed. When you're here every day you feel like you're at the center of the universe, it seems like nothing ever changes. Then you go away, one year, two...And when you come back, everything's different. The thread has broken. You don't find those you were looking for, your things no longer exist. Isn't that the case?...You've got to go away a long time, for many, many years, before coming back and finding your people again, the land where you were born...But not now, it's impossible. Now you're blinder than I am. Who said that? Gary Cooper, James Stewart, Henry Fonda? Huh? -Who said that? Gary Cooper, James Stewart, Henry Fonda? Huh? No, Toto, nobody said it. I say it! Life's not like you saw it in the movies. Life...is harder. Get out! Go back to Rome. You 're young, the world is yours! And I'm old...I don't want to hear you talk any more, I want to hear talk about you. -Thanks for all you've done for me. Whatever you do, love it like you loved that projection booth of the Paradiso when you were little... -Good morning, father. It's hard on the feet, huh? Yeah!...Getting there's downhill and all the saints help you. But coming back! The saints stand there watching you, that's all! God's will be done. -What is it, Alfredo? Right now, of all times! Father Adelfio, I have a very serious doubt that is torturing my soul. And you've got to help me, because I've lost all peace of mind... -But Alfredo, what you're saying is horrifying! I know. But take the-miracle of the loaves and fishes, for example! I think about it a lot...How is it possible for... -You understand now? You see it clearly? Oh yes, father. Now everything's clear. -Oh yes, father. Now everything's clear. And the next time don't go around saying such heresy. You survived the fire at the movie house. But no one can save you from the fire of Hell! -My name's Salvatore...And yours? Elena. My name's Elena. -Hi, Elena! Hi. Why are you running? -Hi. Why are you running? No particular reason... Nice day, huh? -No particular reason... Nice day, huh? Yes, nice day. ...I've got to go now. Bye-bye. -Yes, nice day. ...I've got to go now. Bye-bye. Bye-bye, Elena. ...What an idiot! What an idiot! 'Nice day'! Christ!! -Father, I have sinned... We'll talk about that later. -We'll talk about that later. But...who... -But...who... Sssssh, Be quiet, pretend everything's normal. I'm Salvatore. -I don't care. I'll wait. For what? -For what? For you to fall in love with me too. Listen carefully. Every night, when I get off work, I'll come and wait beneath your window. Every night. When you change your mind, open your window. That's all. I'll understand... -You have a great future as a driver. If they don't arrest you first!! That's nothing to do with it, it's the car that's still being run in... -Elena!...But when... I got back today. You can't imagine the excuses I had to make up to be here... -So what'd they say? The army says that, as a war orphan, I don't have to serve in the military, but nothing can be done. It's a bureaucratic error. I have to leave. Day after tomorrow morning. They're sending me to Rome. But they'll discharge me ten days later. Let's go... -No, Salvatore. You'd better go. It's my father. Good, this way we can finally talk. I'll convince him this time. -Good, this way we can finally talk. I'll convince him this time. He won't be convinced, Salvatore. He has other plans for me. -He won't be convinced, Salvatore. He has other plans for me. Who? -Who? The son of one of his colleagues. Don't act that way. We'll talk about it later. Wait for me Thursday at the Cinema Paradiso. I'll be coming with the five o'clock bus. -You're still beautiful... Don't be silly...I'm old. Don't look at me like that, please. Why'd you come back? -Don't be silly...I'm old. Don't look at me like that, please. Why'd you come back? Alfredo died. Do you remember him? -Alfredo died. Do you remember him? Of course I remember him. I'm sorry. You were terribly fond of him. -I saw your daughter. She's beautiful! Who knows how many Salvatores must be running after her... One or two. Bur there're not all that many Salvatores. I've got a son, too...he's older. And you, do you have children? -One or two. Bur there're not all that many Salvatores. I've got a son, too...he's older. And you, do you have children? No. And I'm not married. Are you happy? -No. And I'm not married. Are you happy? All things considered, yes. Even if it wasn't what I dreamt of then... -My husband...you know him. Sure, sure! Boccia... What's he do? -Sure, sure! Boccia... What's he do? Politics. He's the district representative. We met at the University in Pisa. -But I've never forgotten you, Elena! Nor have I. Even though you disappeared... But what's the point of talking about it? We risk being pathetic and ridiculous. You still live in Rome? -It's the first time I've had to chance to tell the story. I never mentioned it to anybody. Alfredo, damn him! He cast his spell on you too! -Alfredo, damn him! He cast his spell on you too! I told him I'd take his advice. But before I went away I left you that note... I was on my way down the stairs... -Oh, how I looked for you, Elena! You'll never know. I wrote, telephoned, nothing. Nobody ever answered. But I dreamt of you for years! That's why I went away...and never came back here. Even as the years passed, in all the women I met, I was only looking for you. I had success it's true, but there was always something missing... I'd never have imagined that all this had to end because of the man who was like a father to me. A crazy lunatic! He wasn't crazy. In the beginning I was upset. I think I really hated him. But then, with time, I understood what he said...and your silence too. -But I never saw that note! I must have covered it with my hand, without realizing it, that's the only explanation... What difference does it make to find an explanation? That's the way it went. But Alfredo didn't betray you, he was the only one who really understood you. Salvatore, if you had chosen to be with me, you'd have never made your films. And that would have been a pity! Because they're wonderful, I've seen them all. But you shouldn't have gone and changed your name. You should have kept your own. -No, Salvatore...there is no future. There's only the past. Even meeting last night was nothing but a dream, a beautiful dream. We never did it when we were kids, remember? Now that it's happened, I don't think there could have been a better ending. I'll never agree with you. Never, Elena. -I don't remember him any more—Ma, where's Russia? It takes years to get there. And years to come back...Now go to bed, Toto, it's late. -I've been looking for you all day. Did you buy the milk? No... -No... Then where's the money? -Then where's the money? Somebody stole it. -Daddy's not coming back...He's dead. It's not true! No! It's not true!!! I'll show you he's coming back! -Lia'll be so glad to see you, you'll see. And you won't recognize the kids any more, they're grown up by now. They're always writing to me saying they want to come to Rome! -See how pretty the house is? We did everything over. If it hadn't been for you! Come, I have a surprise.... You must be tired. If you want to rest, there's time before the funeral. No, Mamma, it only takes an hour by air, you know. -No, Mamma, it only takes an hour by air, you know. You shouldn't tell me that now. After all these years! I put all your things in here. Go in, go in... -No...It's nothing to do with you. It's just that I was scared of coming back. Now, after all these years, I thought I was strong, that I had forgotten lots of things. Instead, I find it's quite the opposite, as if I had never left. And yet, I look at Lia and feel as if I didn't know her, and you, Mamma...I abandoned you, ran away like a thief, thought only of myself, and never gave you an explanation... And I never asked for one! You have nothing to explain. I always thought that what you did was right, and that was that. With no beating around the bush... Only one thing made me suffer: bolting the door shut before going to bed at night... -And I never asked for one! You have nothing to explain. I always thought that what you did was right, and that was that. With no beating around the bush... Only one thing made me suffer: bolting the door shut before going to bed at night... You never used to do that! -Don Ciccio, I've got an idea...You remember that old abandoned movie house where they're supposed to build those low-rent houses? So what's that got to do with it? -So what's that got to do with it? The projector's all rusty, but I could fix it in two or three days. Give the place a good cleaning, put in some seats and bring in a projectionist and we'll show Catene in two houses. -The projector's all rusty, but I could fix it in two or three days. Give the place a good cleaning, put in some seats and bring in a projectionist and we'll show Catene in two houses. What the fuck you talking about? You getting into the act too, Toto? Titanus has trouble giving me even one copy and I have to say thanks! If I ask for two, the least they'll do is cut off my head and play ball with it! -Toto, this is no film for the common herd. One day'll be more than enough...So tonight, please set up tomorrow's film, so the projectionist who is coming will find it ready. OK... -How long's it been shut? "Six years ago this May. No one came any more. You ""know better than me, Mr. Di Vita, the crisis, television, videos. By now the movie business is only a dream. The city's bought it now to make a new parking lot. Next Saturday they're tearing it down...A pity!..." -But why do you call me 'Mr. Di Vita'? It didn't used to be that way... Well, it's hard to call an important person by his first name. But if it really matters to you, I'11 call you... Toto!... -Mr. Bernstein, Mr. Thatcher - How are you, Mr. Thatcher? -That's all right. We have no secrets from our readers. Mr. Thatcher is one of our most devoted readers, Mr. Bernstein. He knows what's wrong with every issue since I've taken charge. What's the cable? The food is marvelous in Cuba the senoritas are beautiful stop I could send you prose poems of palm trees and sunrises and tropical colors blending in far off landscapes but don't feel right in spending your money for this stop there's no war in Cuba regards Wheeler. -That's fine, Mr. Kane. I rather like it myself. Send it right away. -He sure did, Mr. Kane. Where is he? -Mr. Kane - That's all right, Mr. Bernstein. -Hey, Brad! Brad! He ain't been drinking before, Mr. Kane. Never. We would have heard. What does it say there? -"""Miss Susan Alexander, a pretty but hopelessly incompetent amateur - - last night opened the new Chicago Opera House in a performance of - of -"" I can't pronounce that name, Mr. Kane." Thais. -"""Her singing, happily, is no concern of this department. Of her acting, it is absolutely impossible to...""" Go on! -Go on! That's all there is. -Of her acting, it is absolutely impossible to say anything except that it represents a new low... Have you got that, Mr. Bernstein? In the opinion of this reviewer - I didn't see that. -I didn't see that. It isn't here, Mr. Bernstein. I'm dictating it. -It isn't here, Mr. Bernstein. I'm dictating it. I can't take shorthand. -I can't take shorthand. Get me a typewriter. I'll finish the notice. -"I've just made a shocking discovery. The ""Enquirer"" is without a telephone. Have two installed at once!" I ordered six already this morning! Got a discount! -Three cents. Two cents. -This is all figured at three cents a copy. Re-figure it, Mr. Bernstein, at two cents. -Re-figure it, Mr. Bernstein, at two cents. All right, but I'll keep these figures, too, just in case. -All right, but I'll keep these figures, too, just in case. Ready for dinner, Brad? -Ready for dinner, Brad? Mr. Leland, if Mr. Kane, he should decide to drop the price to one cent, or maybe even he should make up his mind to give the paper away with a half-pound of tea - you'll just hold him until I get back, won't you? -It's a saying, Mr. Bernstein. A new broom sweeps clean. Oh! -My Declaration of Principles - Don't smile, Brad - Take dictation, Mr. Bernstein - I can't take shorthand, Mr. Kane - -I can't take shorthand, Mr. Kane - I'll write it myself. -You don't wanta make any promises, Mr. Kane, you don't wanta keep. These'll be kept. I'll provide the people of this city with a daily paper that will tell all the news honestly. I will also provide them - -Let's hope they like it there. From the Chronicle Building that sign is the biggest thing you can see - every floor guaranteed - let's hope it bothers them - it cost us enough. -From the Chronicle Building that sign is the biggest thing you can see - every floor guaranteed - let's hope it bothers them - it cost us enough. Look at that. -Say, with them fellows - - it's no trick to get circulation. You're right, Mr. Bernstein. -You're right, Mr. Bernstein. "You know how long it took the ""Chronicle"" to get that staff together? Twenty years." -"You know how long it took the ""Chronicle"" to get that staff together? Twenty years." I know. -"Gentlemen of the ""Enquirer""! This has, I think, been a fitting welcome to those distinguished journalists - Mr. Reilly in particular - who are the latest additions to our ranks. It will make them happy to learn that the ""Enquirer's"" circulation this morning passed the two hundred thousand mark." Two hundred and one thousand, six hundred and forty-seven. -But please, Mr. Kane, don't buy any more paintings. Nine Venuses already we got, twenty-six Virgins - two whole warehouses full of stuff - I promise not to bring any more Venuses and not to worry - and not to try to get in touch with any of the papers - -Ask them to sit down, Mr. Bernstein. Sit down, everybody - for heaven's sake! -So then, tonight, we go over everything thoroughly, eh? Especially the new papers - We certainly do. Vacation's over - starting right after dinner. But right now - that lady over there - - that's the new society editor, I take it? You think I could interrupt her a moment, Mr. Bernstein? -We certainly do. Vacation's over - starting right after dinner. But right now - that lady over there - - that's the new society editor, I take it? You think I could interrupt her a moment, Mr. Bernstein? Huh? Oh, I forgot - you've been away so long I forgot about your joking - -It's wonderful, Mr. Kane. Wonderful. Wonderful. You don't really think so? -You don't really think so? I do. I do. I mean, since you're running for Governor - and you want to be elected - I think it's wonderful you're going to be elected. Only - - Can I say something? -I do. I do. I mean, since you're running for Governor - and you want to be elected - I think it's wonderful you're going to be elected. Only - - Can I say something? Please, Mr. Bernstein. -Please, Mr. Bernstein. Well, the way I look at it - - You want to know what I really think would be wonderful? -Go in and ask him to hurry. Well, why don't you, Mr. Bernstein? You know Mr. Leland. -Well, why don't you, Mr. Bernstein? You know Mr. Leland. I might make him nervous. -I might make him nervous. You and Leland and Mr. Kane - you were great friends back in the old days, I understand. -You and Leland and Mr. Kane - you were great friends back in the old days, I understand. "That's right. They called us the ""Three Musketeers.""" -He's a great guy - Leland. Why'd he ever leave New York? That's a long story. -Yes. I thought it was a good idea. We've covered it from the news end, of course. And the social. How about the music notice? You got that in? -And the social. How about the music notice? You got that in? Oh, yes, it's already made up. Our Mr. Mervin wrote a small review. -Oh, yes, it's already made up. Our Mr. Mervin wrote a small review. Enthusiastic? -Enthusiastic? Yes, very! Naturally. -Yes, very! Naturally. Well, well - isn't that nice? -Who's a busy man? Me? I'm Chairman of the Board. I got nothing but time ... What do you want to know? Well, Mr. Bernstein, you were with Mr. Kane from the very beginning - -Well, Mr. Bernstein, you were with Mr. Kane from the very beginning - From before the beginning, young fellow. And now it's after the end. Anything you want to know about him - about the paper - -From before the beginning, young fellow. And now it's after the end. Anything you want to know about him - about the paper - - We thought maybe, if we can find out what he meant by that last word - as he was dying - -- We thought maybe, if we can find out what he meant by that last word - as he was dying - That Rosebud? Maybe some girl? There were a lot of them back in the early days, and - -That Rosebud? Maybe some girl? There were a lot of them back in the early days, and - Not some girl he knew casually and then remembered after fifty years, on his death bed - -Not some girl he knew casually and then remembered after fifty years, on his death bed - "You're pretty young, Mr. - Mr. Thompson. A fellow will remember things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on a ferry and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in - - and on it, there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on - and she was carrying a white pastrol - and I only saw her for one second and she didn't see me at all - but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl. See what I mean? Well, so what are you doing about this ""Rosebud,"" Mr. Thompson." -"You're pretty young, Mr. - Mr. Thompson. A fellow will remember things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on a ferry and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in - - and on it, there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on - and she was carrying a white pastrol - and I only saw her for one second and she didn't see me at all - but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl. See what I mean? Well, so what are you doing about this ""Rosebud,"" Mr. Thompson." I'm calling on people who knew Mr. Kane. I'm calling on you. -I'm calling on people who knew Mr. Kane. I'm calling on you. Who else you been to see? -Who else you been to see? Well, I went down to Atlantic City - -Well, I went down to Atlantic City - Susie? I called her myself the day after he died. I thought maybe somebody ought to... She couldn't even come to the 'phone. -Susie? I called her myself the day after he died. I thought maybe somebody ought to... She couldn't even come to the 'phone. You know why? She was so - -You know why? She was so - Sure, sure. -Sure, sure. I'm going back there. -I'm going back there. Who else did you see? -Who else did you see? Nobody else, but I've been through that stuff of Walter Thatcher's. That journal of his - -Nobody else, but I've been through that stuff of Walter Thatcher's. That journal of his - Thatcher! That man was the biggest darn fool I ever met - -Thatcher! That man was the biggest darn fool I ever met - He made an awful lot of money. -He made an awful lot of money. It's not trick to make an awful lot of money if all you want is to make a lot of money. Thatcher! -He finished it. He wrote the worst notice I ever read about the girl he loved. We ran it in every paper. I guess Mr. Kane didn't think so well of Susie's art anyway. -I guess Mr. Kane didn't think so well of Susie's art anyway. He thought she was great, Mr. Thompson. He really believed that. He put all his ambition on that girl. After she came along, he never really cared for himself like he used to. Oh, I don't blame Susie - -He thought she was great, Mr. Thompson. He really believed that. He put all his ambition on that girl. After she came along, he never really cared for himself like he used to. Oh, I don't blame Susie - Well, then, how could he write that roast? The notices in the Kane papers were always very kind to her. -Well, then, how could he write that roast? The notices in the Kane papers were always very kind to her. Oh, yes. He saw to that. I tell you, Mr. Thompson, he was a hard man to figure out. He had that funny sense of humor. And then, too, maybe he thought by finishing that piece he could show Leland he was an honest man. You see, Leland didn't think so. I guess he showed him all right. He's a nice fellow, but he's a dreamer. They were always together in those early days when we just started the Enquirer. -The way things turned out, I don't need to tell you - Miss Emily Norton was no rosebud! It didn't end very well, did it? -It didn't end very well, did it? It ended - Then there was Susie - that ended, too. I guess he didn't make her very happy - You know, I was thinking - that Rosebud you're trying to find out about - -It ended - Then there was Susie - that ended, too. I guess he didn't make her very happy - You know, I was thinking - that Rosebud you're trying to find out about - Yes - -Yes - Maybe that was something he lost. Mr. Kane was a man that lost - almost everything he had - You ought to talk to Bradford Leland. He could tell you a lot. I wish I could tell you where Leland is, but I don't know myself. He may be out of town somewhere - he may be dead. -Maybe that was something he lost. Mr. Kane was a man that lost - almost everything he had - You ought to talk to Bradford Leland. He could tell you a lot. I wish I could tell you where Leland is, but I don't know myself. He may be out of town somewhere - he may be dead. In case you'd like to know, Mr. Bernstein, he's at the Huntington Memorial Hospital on 180th Street. -In case you'd like to know, Mr. Bernstein, he's at the Huntington Memorial Hospital on 180th Street. You don't say! Why I had no idea - -You don't say! Why I had no idea - Nothing particular the matter with him, they tell me. Just - -Nothing particular the matter with him, they tell me. Just - Just old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, you don't look forward to being cured of. You ought to see Mr. Leland. There's a whole lot of things he could tell you - if he wanted to. -I'm not guaranteeing a thing, Mr. Bernstein. You people work too fast for me! Talk about new brooms! Who said anything about brooms? -We'll be on the street soon, Charlie - another ten minutes. It's three hours and fifty minutes late - but we did it - -Wasted? Charlie?! -Charlie?! You just made the paper over four times today, Mr. Kane. That's all - -Sixty-two thousand - That looks pretty nice. -Do you, Mr. Leland? Certainly not. -Isn't it wonderful? Such a party! Yes. -What's the matter? "Mr. Bernstein, these men who are now with the ""Enquirer"" - who were with the ""Chronicle"" until yesterday - weren't they just as devoted to the ""Chronicle"" kind of paper as they are now to - our kind of paper?" -"Mr. Bernstein, these men who are now with the ""Enquirer"" - who were with the ""Chronicle"" until yesterday - weren't they just as devoted to the ""Chronicle"" kind of paper as they are now to - our kind of paper?" Sure. They're like anybody else. They got work to do. They do it. Only they happen to be the best men in the business. -"Do we stand for the same things that the ""Chronicle"" stands for, Mr. Bernstein?" Certainly not. So what's that got to do with it? Mr. Kane, he'll have them changed to his kind of newspapermen in a week. -Certainly not. So what's that got to do with it? Mr. Kane, he'll have them changed to his kind of newspapermen in a week. Probably. There's always a chance, of course, that they'll change Mr. Kane - without his knowing it. -Do you, Mr. Leland? Certainly not. -Mr. Leland, why didn't you go to Europe with him? He wanted you to. He said to me just yesterday - I wanted him to have fun - and with me along - -Mr. Bernstein, I wish you'd let me ask you a few questions, and answer me truthfully. Don't I always? Most of the time? -Don't I always? Most of the time? Mr. Bernstein, am I a stuffed shirt? Am I a horse-faced hypocrite? Am I a New England school-marm? -Mr. Bernstein, am I a stuffed shirt? Am I a horse-faced hypocrite? Am I a New England school-marm? Yes. -Well, he'll be coming back in September. The Majestic. I got the reservations. It gets in on the ninth. September the ninth? -What's happened? I'm all right, Mr. Leland. Only there was some fellows out front that thought they ought to take things up with me. I learned 'em! Didn't I, officer? -If you hadn't come along and protected me when you did, I'd have killed them fellows. Go and get yourself washed up, Mr. Bernstein. There doesn't seem to be an serious injury. -Go and get yourself washed up, Mr. Bernstein. There doesn't seem to be an serious injury. Not to me. But you will let that cop go home with Mr. Kane, won't you? -Not to me. But you will let that cop go home with Mr. Kane, won't you? Yes, Mr. Bernstein. -Hello, Mr. Leland. Hello, Bernstein. -Where is it - where's my notice? I've got to finish it! Mr. Kane is finishing it. -Mr. Kane is finishing it. Kane? Charlie? Where is he? -I suppose he's fixing it up - I know I'd never get that through. Mr. Kane is finishing your piece the way you started it. -"Welcome, Mr. Kane, to the ""Enquirer."" I am Herbert Carter." Thank you, Mr Carter. This is Mr. Leland. -Thank you, Mr Carter. This is Mr. Leland. How do you do, Mr. Leland? -How do you do, Mr. Leland? Are they standing for me? -Are they standing for me? I thought it would be a nice gesture - the new publisher - -I thought it would be a nice gesture - the new publisher - Ask them to sit down. -Ask them to sit down. You may resume your work, gentlemen. I didn't know your plans and so I was unable to make any preparations. -You may resume your work, gentlemen. I didn't know your plans and so I was unable to make any preparations. I don't my plans myself. -Mr. Carter, this is Mr. Bernstein. Mr. Bernstein is my general manager. How do you do, Mr. Bernstein? -How do you do, Mr. Bernstein? You've got a private office here, haven't you? -My little sanctum is at your disposal. But I don't think I understand - I'm going to live right here. As long as I have to. -I'm going to live right here. As long as I have to. But a morning newspaper, Mr. Kane. After all, we're practically closed twelve hours a day - except for the business offices - -But a morning newspaper, Mr. Kane. After all, we're practically closed twelve hours a day - except for the business offices - That's one of the things I think must be changed, Mr. Carter. The news goes on for twenty-four hours a day. -"I'm not criticizing, Mr. Carter, but here's what I mean. There's a front page story in the ""Chronicle,"" and a picture - of a woman in Brooklyn who is missing. Probably murdered. A Mrs. Harry Silverstone. Why didn't the ""Enquirer"" have that this morning?" Because we're running a newspaper, Mr. Kane, not a scandal sheet. -"I'm still hungry, Brad. Let's go to Rector's and get something decent. The ""Chronicle"" has a two-column headline, Mr. Carter. Why haven't we?" There is no news big enough. -There is no news big enough. If the headline is big enough, it makes the new big enough. The murder of Mrs. Harry Silverstone - -If the headline is big enough, it makes the new big enough. The murder of Mrs. Harry Silverstone - "As a matter of fact, we sent a man to the Silverstone home yesterday afternoon. Our man even arrived before the ""Chronicle"" reporter. And there's no proof that the woman was murdered - or even that she's dead." -"As a matter of fact, we sent a man to the Silverstone home yesterday afternoon. Our man even arrived before the ""Chronicle"" reporter. And there's no proof that the woman was murdered - or even that she's dead." "The ""Chronicle"" doesn't say she's murdered, Mr. Carter. It says the neighbors are getting suspicious." -"The ""Chronicle"" doesn't say she's murdered, Mr. Carter. It says the neighbors are getting suspicious." It's not our function to report the gossip of housewives. If we were interested in that kind of thing, Mr. Kane, we could fill the paper twice over daily - -It's not our function to report the gossip of housewives. If we were interested in that kind of thing, Mr. Kane, we could fill the paper twice over daily - "That's the kind of thing we are going to be interested in from now on, Mr. Carter. Right now, I wish you'd send your best man up to see Mr. Silverstone. Have him tell Mr. Silverstone if he doesn't produce his wife at once, the ""Enquirer"" will have him arrested. Have him tell Mr. Silverstone he's a detective from the Central Office. If Mr. Silverstone asks to see his badge, your man is to get indignant and call Mr. Silverstone an anarchist. Loudly, so that the neighbors can hear." -"That's the kind of thing we are going to be interested in from now on, Mr. Carter. Right now, I wish you'd send your best man up to see Mr. Silverstone. Have him tell Mr. Silverstone if he doesn't produce his wife at once, the ""Enquirer"" will have him arrested. Have him tell Mr. Silverstone he's a detective from the Central Office. If Mr. Silverstone asks to see his badge, your man is to get indignant and call Mr. Silverstone an anarchist. Loudly, so that the neighbors can hear." Really, Mr. Kane, I can't see the function of a respectable newspaper - -But, Mr. Kane - That'll be all today, Mr. Carter. You've been most understanding. Good day, Mr. Carter! -I've been a newspaperman my whole life and I don't intend - - if it's your intention that I should continue to be harassed by this - this - I warn you, Mr. Kane, it would go against my grain to desert you when you need me so badly - but I would feel obliged to ask that my resignation be accepted. It is accepted, Mr. Carter, with assurances of my deepest regard. -It is accepted, Mr. Carter, with assurances of my deepest regard. But Mr. Kane, I meant - -Mr. Kane, this is a surprise! We've got a nice plant here. -Was the show covered by every department? Exactly according to your instructions, Mr. Kane. We've got two spreads of pictures. -Exactly according to your instructions, Mr. Kane. We've got two spreads of pictures. And the notice? -And the notice? Yes - Mr. Kane. -Yes - Mr. Kane. Is it good? -Is it good? Yes, Mr. kane. -But there's another one still to come - the dramatic notice. It isn't finished? -It isn't finished? No, Mr. Kane. -No, Mr. Kane. That's Leland, isn't it? -That's Leland, isn't it? Yes, Mr. Kane. -Yes, Mr. Kane. Has he said when he'll finish? -Has he said when he'll finish? We haven't heard from him. -We haven't heard from him. He used to work fast - didn't he, Mr. Bernstein? -The nurse has complete instructions, but if you care to talk to me at any time, I should be only too glad - I shall be here in the morning. Thank you. I can't imagine how Mrs. Kane came to make such a silly mistake. The sedative Dr. Wagner gave her is in a somewhat larger bottle - I suppose the strain of preparing for her trip has excited and confused her. -Thank you. I can't imagine how Mrs. Kane came to make such a silly mistake. The sedative Dr. Wagner gave her is in a somewhat larger bottle - I suppose the strain of preparing for her trip has excited and confused her. I'm sure that's it. -I'm sure that's it. There are no objections to my staying here with her, are there? -There are no objections to my staying here with her, are there? Not at all. I'd like the nurse to be here, too. -Not at all. I'd like the nurse to be here, too. Of course. -How do you do? I came here - and I made Mr. Kane come with me... because I recieved this note - I made Miss - Miss Alexander send you the note. She was a little unwilling at first - but she did it. -Maybe you can do it and maybe you can't, Mr. Kane. Charles! Your - your breaking this man's neck - would scarcely explain this note - Serious consequences for Mr. Kane - for myself, and for my son. What does this note mean, Miss - -Let him finish, Charles. I'm protecting myself every way I know how, Mrs. Kane. This last week, I finally found out how I can stop your husband from being elected. If the people of this state learn what I found out this week, he wouldn't have a chance to - he couldn't be elected Dog Catcher. Well, what I'm interested in is seeing that he's not elected. I don't care whether they know what I know about him. Let him keep right on being the Great, Noble, Moral - Champeen of the people. Just as long as - -I'm protecting myself every way I know how, Mrs. Kane. This last week, I finally found out how I can stop your husband from being elected. If the people of this state learn what I found out this week, he wouldn't have a chance to - he couldn't be elected Dog Catcher. Well, what I'm interested in is seeing that he's not elected. I don't care whether they know what I know about him. Let him keep right on being the Great, Noble, Moral - Champeen of the people. Just as long as - I think I understand, Mr. Rogers, but I wonder if - -What story, Mr. Rogers? The story about him and Miss Alexander, Mrs. Kane. -You don't have to show me anything, Mr. Rogers. I believe you. I'd rather Mr. Kane withdrew without having to get the story published. Not that I care about him. But I'd be better off that way - - and so would you, Mrs. Kane. -Hello, Brad - Emily - -I'm sorry I sent for you, Brad - I didn't - Chicago is pretty close to New York nowadays - only twenty hours - -Almost two to one - I'm surprised he got the votes he did. -I'm surprised he got the votes he did. Emily! -Emily! Why should anyone vote for him? He's made it quite clear to the people what he thinks of them. Children - to be told one thing one day, something else the next, as the whim seizes him. And they're supposed to be grateful and love and adore him - because he sees to it that they get cheap ice and only pay a nickel in the street cars. -Why should anyone vote for him? He's made it quite clear to the people what he thinks of them. Children - to be told one thing one day, something else the next, as the whim seizes him. And they're supposed to be grateful and love and adore him - because he sees to it that they get cheap ice and only pay a nickel in the street cars. Emily, you're being - a little unfair - You know what I think of Charles' behavior - about your personal lives - -Emily, you're being - a little unfair - You know what I think of Charles' behavior - about your personal lives - There aren't any personal lives for people like us. He made that very clear to me nine years ago - If I'd thought of my life with Charles as a personal life, I'd have left him then - -There aren't any personal lives for people like us. He made that very clear to me nine years ago - If I'd thought of my life with Charles as a personal life, I'd have left him then - I know that, Emily - -I know that, Emily - Maybe I should have - the first time he showed me what a mad dog he really was. -Maybe I should have - the first time he showed me what a mad dog he really was. Emily, you - -Emily, you - Brad, I'm - I'm not an old woman yet - -Brad, I'm - I'm not an old woman yet - It's - all over - -I know it is, Brad - He's paying for it, Emily. Those returns tonight - he's finished. Politically - - socially, everywhere, I guess. I don't know about the papers, but - -He's paying for it, Emily. Those returns tonight - he's finished. Politically - - socially, everywhere, I guess. I don't know about the papers, but - If you're asking me to sympathize with him, Brad, you're wasting your time. There's only one person I'm sorry for, as a matter of fact. That - that shabby little girl. I'm really sorry for her, Brad. -What do you expect me to do? What in the world - Charles. -They won't do anything to Junior, darling. Anonymous letter writers - I've got guards in front of the house, and I'm going to arrange - Please don't talk any more, Charles. -Have they heard from father yet? Has he seen - I've tried to tell you, Emily. The President's going to be all right. He had a comfortable night. There's no danger of any kind. -Here I am, darling... Darling!... Darling, it's all right... Mother's here. Emily - you musn't leave me now - you can't do that to me. -Emily - you musn't leave me now - you can't do that to me. They won't hurt you, darling. Mother's with you! Mother's looking after you! -I'm sending Junior home in the car, Charles - with Oliver - But I'd arranged to go home with you myself. -But I'd arranged to go home with you myself. There's a call I want you to make with me, Charles. -There's a call I want you to make with me, Charles. It can wait. -It can wait. No, it can't. Good night, darling. -What's this all about, Emily? I've had a very tiring day and - It may not be about anything at all. -I intend to find out. I insist on being told exactly what you have in mind. -I insist on being told exactly what you have in mind. I'm going to - - 185 West 74th Street. -Oh!! You're a cheap, crooked grafter - and your concern for your children and your mother - -You don't think I'm going to let this blackmailer intimidate me, do you? I don't see what else you can do, Charles. If he's right - and the papers publish this story he has - -I don't see what else you can do, Charles. If he's right - and the papers publish this story he has - Oh, they'll publish it all right. But that's not going to stop me - -Oh, they'll publish it all right. But that's not going to stop me - Charles, this - this story - doesn't concern only you. I'll be in it, too, won't I? And Junior? -Charles, this - this story - doesn't concern only you. I'll be in it, too, won't I? And Junior? I suppose so, but - I'm not afraid of the story. You can't tell me that the voters of this state - -I suppose so, but - I'm not afraid of the story. You can't tell me that the voters of this state - I'm not interested in the voters of this state right now. I am interested in - well, Junior, for one thing. -Oh yes, there is. I don't think so. Are you coming, Charles? -I don't think so. Are you coming, Charles? No. -There's only one person in the world to decide what I'm going to do - and that's me. And if you think - if any of you think - You decided what you were going to do, Charles - some time ago. You can't always have it your own way, regardless of anything else that may have happened. Come on, Charles. -You decided what you were going to do, Charles - some time ago. You can't always have it your own way, regardless of anything else that may have happened. Come on, Charles. Go on! Get out! I can fight this thing all alone! -Charles, if you don't listen to reason, it may be too late - Too late for what? Too late for you and this - this public thief to take the love of the people of this state away from me? Well, you won't do it, I tell you. You won't do it! -I can't tell you the things he said, Charlie. You haven't got any idea - Rogers, I don't think I will postpone doing something about you until I'm elected. To start with, I'll break your neck. -You can't blackmail me, Rogers, you can't - Charlie, he said, unless you withdrew your name - -Charlie, you're just excited. You don't realize - I know exactly what I'm doing. Get out! -Get out, both of you! Charlie, please don't - -Charlie, please don't - What are you waiting here for? Why don't you go? -Ow! What's the matter with you? -What's the matter with you? Toothache. -Toothache. Hmm! -You've got some on your face. If these sidewalks were kept in condition - instead of the money going to some cheap grafter - -What's funny now? You are. You look like you've been making mud pies. -Oh! You're no Venus de Milo. -You're no Venus de Milo. If you want to come in and wash your face - I can get you some hot water to get that dirt off your trousers - -If you want to come in and wash your face - I can get you some hot water to get that dirt off your trousers - Thanks. -Hey, you should be more careful. That's my ma and pa. I'm sorry. They live here, too? -I'm sorry. They live here, too? No. They've passed on. -Where's the soap? In the water. -You're very easily amused. I always like to see the funny side of things. No sense crying when you don't have to. And you're so funny. Looking at you, I forget all about my toothache. -Oh! I can't stay here all night chasing your pain away. -I can't stay here all night chasing your pain away. I know... But you do look so silly. -Where's the towel? On the chiffonier. Here. -On the chiffonier. Here. Thanks. -Thanks. I've got a brush in the closet. As soon as the mud on your trousers is all dry - you just brush it off. -I've got a brush in the closet. As soon as the mud on your trousers is all dry - you just brush it off. I'll get these streets fixed, if it's the last thing I do. -A chicken? No. But you're close. -No. But you're close. A rooster? -A rooster? You're getting farther away all the time. It's a duck. -You're getting farther away all the time. It's a duck. Excuse me, Mr. Kane. I know this takes a lot of nerve, but - who are you? I mean - I'm pretty ignorant, I guess you caught on to that - -Excuse me, Mr. Kane. I know this takes a lot of nerve, but - who are you? I mean - I'm pretty ignorant, I guess you caught on to that - You really don't know who I am? -You really don't know who I am? No. That is, I bet it turns out I've heard your name a million times, only you know how it is - -No. That is, I bet it turns out I've heard your name a million times, only you know how it is - But you like me, don't you? Even though you don't know who I am? -But you like me, don't you? Even though you don't know who I am? You've been wonderful! I can't tell you how glad I am you're here, I don't know many people and - -You've been wonderful! I can't tell you how glad I am you're here, I don't know many people and - And I know too many people. Obviously, we're both lonely. Would you like to know where I was going tonight - when you ran into me and ruined my Sunday clothes? -And I know too many people. Obviously, we're both lonely. Would you like to know where I was going tonight - when you ran into me and ruined my Sunday clothes? I didn't run into you and I bet they're not your Sunday clothes. You've probably got a lot of clothes. -I didn't run into you and I bet they're not your Sunday clothes. You've probably got a lot of clothes. I was only joking! This evening I was on my way to the Western Manhattan Warehouses - in search of my youth. -Who am I? Well, let's see. Charles Foster Kane was born in New Salem, Colorado in eighteen six - I run a couple of newspapers. How about you? Oh, me - -Oh, me - How old did you say you were? -How old did you say you were? I didn't say. -I didn't say. I didn't think you did. If you had, I wouldn't have asked you again, because I'd have remembered. How old? -I didn't think you did. If you had, I wouldn't have asked you again, because I'd have remembered. How old? Pretty old. I'll be twenty-two in August. -Pretty old. I'll be twenty-two in August. That's a ripe old age - What do you do? -That's a ripe old age - What do you do? I work at Seligman's. -I work at Seligman's. Is that what you want to do? -Is that what you want to do? I want to be a singer. I mean, I didn't. Mother did for me. -I want to be a singer. I mean, I didn't. Mother did for me. What happened to the singing? You're not in a show, are you? -What happened to the singing? You're not in a show, are you? Oh, no! Nothing like that. Mother always thought - she used to talk about Grand Opera for me. Imagine! An American girl, for one thing - and then my voice isn't really that kind anyway, it's just that Mother - you know what mothers are like. -Yes - As a matter of fact, I do sing a little. -As a matter of fact, I do sing a little. Would you sing for me? -Would you sing for me? Oh, you wouldn't want to hear me sing. -Oh, you wouldn't want to hear me sing. Yes, I would. That's why I asked. -Yes, I would. That's why I asked. Well, I - -Well, I - Don't tell me your toothache is bothering you again? -Don't tell me your toothache is bothering you again? Oh, no, that's all gone. -Oh, no, that's all gone. Then you have no alibi at all. Please sing. -I couldn't make you see how I felt, Charlie. I just couldn't - I couldn't go threw with singing again. You don't know what it means to feel - to know that people - that an audience don't want you. That if you haven't got what they want - a real voice - they just don't care about you. Even when they're polite - and they don't laugh or get restless or - you know... They don't want you. They just 0 That's when you've got to fight them. That's when you've got to make them. That's - -Charlie! I said, what time is it? Half past eleven. -Half past eleven. I mean in New York. -I mean in New York. Half past eleven. -Half past eleven. At night? -At night? Yes. The bulldog's just gone to press. -Yes. The bulldog's just gone to press. Hurray for the bulldog! Half past eleven! The shows have just let out. People are going to night clubs and restaurants. Of course, we're different. We live in a palace - at the end of the world. -Hurray for the bulldog! Half past eleven! The shows have just let out. People are going to night clubs and restaurants. Of course, we're different. We live in a palace - at the end of the world. You always said you wanted to live in a palace. -You always said you wanted to live in a palace. Can't we go back, Charlie? -It makes a whole lot more sense than collecting Venuses. You may be right - I sometimes wonder - but you get into the habit - -You may be right - I sometimes wonder - but you get into the habit - It's not a habit. I do it because I like it. -It's not a habit. I do it because I like it. I was referring to myself. I thought we might have a picnic tomorrow - it might be a nice change after the Wild West party tonight. Invite everybody to go to the Everglades - -I was referring to myself. I thought we might have a picnic tomorrow - it might be a nice change after the Wild West party tonight. Invite everybody to go to the Everglades - Invite everybody! Order everybody, you mean, and make them sleep in tents! Who wants to sleep in tents when they have a nice room of their own - with their own bath, where they know where everything is? -I mean it. Oh, I know I always say I mean it, and then I don't - or you get me so I don't do what I say I'm going to - but - You're in a tent, darling. You're not at home. And I can hear you very well if you just talk in a normal tone of voice. -You're in a tent, darling. You're not at home. And I can hear you very well if you just talk in a normal tone of voice. I'm not going to have my guests insulted, just because you think - - if people want to bring a drink or two along on a picnic, that's their business. You've got no right - -I'm not going to have my guests insulted, just because you think - - if people want to bring a drink or two along on a picnic, that's their business. You've got no right - I've got more than a right as far as you're concerned, Susan. -I've got more than a right as far as you're concerned, Susan. Oh, I'm sick and tired of you telling me what I must and what I musn't do! -Oh, I'm sick and tired of you telling me what I must and what I musn't do! You're my wife, Susan, and - -You're my wife, Susan, and - I'm not just your wife, I'm a person all by myself - or I ought to be. I was once. Sometimes you get me to believing I never was. -I'm not just your wife, I'm a person all by myself - or I ought to be. I was once. Sometimes you get me to believing I never was. We can discuss all this some other time, Susan. Right now - -We can discuss all this some other time, Susan. Right now - I'll discuss what's on my mind when I want to. You're not going to keep on running my life the way you want it. -I'll discuss what's on my mind when I want to. You're not going to keep on running my life the way you want it. As far as you're concerned, Susan, I've never wanted anything - I don't want anything now - except what you want. -As far as you're concerned, Susan, I've never wanted anything - I don't want anything now - except what you want. What you want me to want, you mean. What you've decided I ought to have - what you'd want if you were me. But you've never given me anything that - -What you want me to want, you mean. What you've decided I ought to have - what you'd want if you were me. But you've never given me anything that - Susan, I really think - -Susan, I really think - Oh, I don't mean the things you've given me - that don't mean anything to you. What's the difference between giving me a bracelet or giving somebody else a hundred thousand dollars for a statue you're going to keep crated up and never look at? It's only money. It doesn't mean anything. You're not really giving anything that belongs to you, that you care about. -Oh, I don't mean the things you've given me - that don't mean anything to you. What's the difference between giving me a bracelet or giving somebody else a hundred thousand dollars for a statue you're going to keep crated up and never look at? It's only money. It doesn't mean anything. You're not really giving anything that belongs to you, that you care about. Susan, I want you to stop this. And right now! -Susan, I want you to stop this. And right now! Well, I'm not going to stop it. I'm going to say exactly what I think. You've never given me anything. You've tried to buy me into giving you something. You're - - it's like you were bribing me! That's what it's been from the first moment I met you. No matter how much it cost you - your time, your money - that's what you've done with everybody you've ever known. Tried to bribe them! -Well, I'm not going to stop it. I'm going to say exactly what I think. You've never given me anything. You've tried to buy me into giving you something. You're - - it's like you were bribing me! That's what it's been from the first moment I met you. No matter how much it cost you - your time, your money - that's what you've done with everybody you've ever known. Tried to bribe them! Susan! -You're talking an incredible amount of nonsense, Susan. Whatever I do - I do - because I love you. Love! You don't love anybody! Me or anybody else! You want to be loved - that's all you want! I'm Charles Foster Kane. Whatever you want - just name it and it's yours! Only love me! Don't expect me to love you - -You'll never have another chance to hit me again. I never knew till this minute - Susan, it seems to me - -Susan, it seems to me - Don't tell me you're sorry. -Don't tell me you're sorry. I'm not sorry. -I'm not sorry. I'm going to leave you. -I'm going to leave you. No, you're not. -No, you're not. Yes. -Don't you realize that everybody here is going to know about this? That you've packed your bags and ordered the car and - - And left? Of course they'll hear. I'm not saying goodbye - except to you - but I never imagined that people wouldn't know. -I won't let you go. You can't stop me. -Goodbye, Charlie. Don't go, Susan. -Don't go, Susan. Let's not start all over again, Charlie. We've said everything that can be said. -Let's not start all over again, Charlie. We've said everything that can be said. Susan, don't go! Susan, please! -She doesn't know, Mrs. Kane. She just sent it - because I made her see it wouldn't be smart for her not to send it. In case you don't know, Emily, this - this gentleman - is - -In case you don't know, Emily, this - this gentleman - is - I'm not a gentleman, Mrs. Kane, and your husband is just trying to be funny calling me one. I don't even know what a gentleman is. You see, my idea of a gentleman, Mrs. Kane - well, if I owned a newspaper and if I didn't like the way somebody else was doing things - some politican, say - I'd fight them with everything I had. Only I wouldn't show him in a convict suit, with stripes - so his children could see the picture in the paper. Or his mother. It's pretty clear - I'm not a gentleman. -Anything you say, Mr. Kane. Only we're talking now about what you are. That's what the note is about, Mrs. Kane. Now I'm going to lay all my cards on the table. I'm fighting for my life. Not just my political life. My life. If your husband is elected governor - I'm going to be elected governor. And the first thing I'm going to do - -You do anything you want to do. The people of this state can decide which one of us to trust. If you want to know, they've already decided. The election Tuesday'll be only - Mrs. Kane, I'm not asking you to believe me. I'd like to show you - -You're making a bigger fool of yourself than I thought you would, Mr. Kane. You're licked. Why don't you - Get out! I've got nothing to talk to you about. If you want to see me, have the Warden write me a letter. -Get out! I've got nothing to talk to you about. If you want to see me, have the Warden write me a letter. I see! -You're the greatest fool I've ever known, Kane. If it was anybody else, I'd say what's going to happen to you would be a lesson to you. Only you're going to need more than one lesson. And you're going to get more than one lesson. Don't you worry about me. I'm Charles Foster Kane. I'm no cheap, crooked politician, trying to save himself from the consequences of his crimes - -It is the unanimous opinion of my Cabinent - in which I concur - that the proposed leases are in the best interests of the Governement and the people. You are not, I hope, suggesting that these interests are not indentical? I'm not suggesting anything, Mr. President! I've come here to tell you that, unless some action is taken promptly - and you are the only one who can take it - the oil that is the property of the people of this country will be turned over for a song to a gang of high-pressure crooks! -I'm not suggesting anything, Mr. President! I've come here to tell you that, unless some action is taken promptly - and you are the only one who can take it - the oil that is the property of the people of this country will be turned over for a song to a gang of high-pressure crooks! I must refuse to allow you to continue in this vein, Mr. Kane. -I must refuse to allow you to continue in this vein, Mr. Kane. It's the only vein I know. I tell the facts the way I see them. And any man that knows that facts - -It's the only vein I know. I tell the facts the way I see them. And any man that knows that facts - I know the facts, Mr. Kane. And I happen to have the incredible insolence to differ with you as to what they mean. You're a man of great talents, Mr. Kane. -I know the facts, Mr. Kane. And I happen to have the incredible insolence to differ with you as to what they mean. You're a man of great talents, Mr. Kane. Thanks. -Thanks. I understand that you have political ambitions. Unfortunately, you seem incapable of allowing any other opinion but your own - -I understand that you have political ambitions. Unfortunately, you seem incapable of allowing any other opinion but your own - I'm much obliged, Mr. President, for your concern about me. However, I happen to be concerned at this moment with the matter of extensive oil lands belonging to the people of the United States, and I say that if this lease goes through, the property of the people of the United States goes into the hands of - -I'm much obliged, Mr. President, for your concern about me. However, I happen to be concerned at this moment with the matter of extensive oil lands belonging to the people of the United States, and I say that if this lease goes through, the property of the people of the United States goes into the hands of - You've made your point perfectly clear, Mr. Kane. Good day. -Impossible! Impossible! Your job isn't to give Mrs. Kane your opinion of her talents. You're supposed to train her voice. Nothing more. -Your job isn't to give Mrs. Kane your opinion of her talents. You're supposed to train her voice. Nothing more. But, it is impossible. I will be the laughingstock of the musical world! People will say - -But, it is impossible. I will be the laughingstock of the musical world! People will say - If you're interested in what people say, Signor Matisti, I may be able to enlighten you a bit. The newspapers, for instance. I'm an authority on what the papers will say, Signor Matisti, because I own eight of them between here and San Francisco... It's all right, dear. Signor Matisti is going to listen to reason. Aren't you, maestro? -If you're interested in what people say, Signor Matisti, I may be able to enlighten you a bit. The newspapers, for instance. I'm an authority on what the papers will say, Signor Matisti, because I own eight of them between here and San Francisco... It's all right, dear. Signor Matisti is going to listen to reason. Aren't you, maestro? Mr. Kane, how can I persuade you - -Mr. Kane, how can I persuade you - You can't. -You goin', Mom? Your mother won't be going right away, Charles - -Your mother won't be going right away, Charles - Where'm I going? -Is that really your idea of how to run a newspaper? I don't know how to run a newspaper, Mr. Thatcher. I just try everything I can think of. -I don't know how to run a newspaper, Mr. Thatcher. I just try everything I can think of. """Enemy Armada Off Jersey Coast."" You know you haven't the slightest proof that this - this armada - is off the Jersey Coast." -"""Enemy Armada Off Jersey Coast."" You know you haven't the slightest proof that this - this armada - is off the Jersey Coast." Can you prove it isn't? -You see! There hasn't been a true word - I think we'll have to send our friend Wheeler a cable, Mr. Bernstein. Of course, we'll have to make it shorter than his, because he's working on an expense account and we're not. Let me see - Mike! -I came to see you, Charles, about your - about the Enquirer's campaign against the Metropolitan Transfer Company. Won't you step into my office, Mr. Thatcher? -Mr. Thatcher, isn't everything I've been saying in the Enquirer about the traction trust absolutely true? They're all part of your general attack - your senseless attack - on everything and everybody who's got more than ten cents in his pocket. They're - -They're all part of your general attack - your senseless attack - on everything and everybody who's got more than ten cents in his pocket. They're - The trouble is, Mr. Thatcher, you don't realize you're talking to two people. -"As Charles Foster Kane, who has eighty- two thousand, six hundred and thirty-one shares of Metropolitan Transfer - you see, I do have a rough idea of my holdings - I sympathize with you. Charles Foster Kane is a dangerous scoundrel, his paper should be run out of town and a committee should be formed to boycott him. You may, if you can form such a committee, put me down for a contribution of one thousand dollars." Charles, my time is too valuable for me - -Charles, my time is too valuable for me - On the other hand - I am the publisher of the Enquirer. As such, it is my duty - I'll let you in on a little secret, it is also my pleasure - to see to it that decent, hard-working people of this city are not robbed blind by a group of money- mad pirates because, God help them, they have no one to look after their interests! I'll let you in on another little secret, Mr. Thatcher. I think I'm the man to do it. You see, I have money and property - -I happened to see your consolidated statement yesterday, Charles. Could I not suggest to you that it is unwise for you to continue this philanthropic enterprise - this Enquirer - that is costing you one million dollars a year? You're right. We did lose a million dollars last year. -Get Dr. Corey. Yes, sir. -Mrs. Kane would like to see you, Mr. Kane. All right. -Is Mrs. Kane - Marie has been packing since morning, Mr. Kane. -Close the door, Raymond. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Lock it - and keep it locked. -Raymond - Yes, sir - -Do you like poetry, Raymond? Can't say, sir. -Can't say, sir. Mrs. Kane liked poetry - -Yes, Mr. Kane. Not my wife - not either of them. -Oh, yes, sir. Do you know what that is? -Do you know what that is? It's a wall you bought in China, Mr. Kane. -It's a wall you bought in China, Mr. Kane. Persia. It belonged to a king. -Persia. It belonged to a king. How did you get him to part with it, Mr. Kane? -How did you get him to part with it, Mr. Kane? He was dead... That's a poem. Do you know what it means? -He was dead... That's a poem. Do you know what it means? No, I don't, Mr. Kane. -No, I don't, Mr. Kane. I didn't used to be afraid of it. -Poor Mr. Carter! What makes those fellows think that a newspaper is something rigid, something inflexible, that people are supposed to pay two cents for - -Tired? It's been a tough day. -It's been a tough day. A wasted day. -"I've changed the front page a little, Mr. Bernstein. That's not enough - There's something I've got to get into this paper besides pictures and print - I've got to make the ""New York Enquirer"" as important to New York as the gas in that light." What're you going to do, Charlie? -"That's the second sentence you've started with ""I"" -" People are going to know who's responsible. And they're going to get the news - the true news - quickly and simply and entertainingly. And no special interests will be allowed to interfere with the truth of that news. -"The ""Chronicle"" is a good newspaper." It's a good idea for a newspaper. Four hundred sixy thousand. -Well, gentlemen, are we going to war? Our readers are, anyway, I don't know about the rest of the country. -Our readers are, anyway, I don't know about the rest of the country. "It'll be our first foreign war in fifty years, Brad. We'll cover it the way the ""Hickville Gazette"" covers the church social! The names of everybody there; what they wore; what they ate; who won the prizes; who gave the prizes - I tell you, Brad, I envy you. By Bradford Leland, the ""Enquirer's"" Special Correspondent at the Front. I'm almost tempted -" -"It'll be our first foreign war in fifty years, Brad. We'll cover it the way the ""Hickville Gazette"" covers the church social! The names of everybody there; what they wore; what they ate; who won the prizes; who gave the prizes - I tell you, Brad, I envy you. By Bradford Leland, the ""Enquirer's"" Special Correspondent at the Front. I'm almost tempted -" But there is no Front, Charlie. There's a very doubtful civil war. Besides, I don't want the job. -But there is no Front, Charlie. There's a very doubtful civil war. Besides, I don't want the job. All right, Brad, all right - you don't have to be a war correspondent unless you want to - I'd want to. Hello, Georgie. -Charles, I tell you there is no war! There's a condition that should be remedied - but between that and a - "How would the ""Enquirer"" look with no news about this non-existent war - with Benton, Pulitzer and Heart devoting twenty columns a day to it?" -"How would the ""Enquirer"" look with no news about this non-existent war - with Benton, Pulitzer and Heart devoting twenty columns a day to it?" They do it only because you do! -They do it only because you do! And I do it because they do it, and they do it - it's a vicious circle, isn't it? I'm going over to Georgie's, Brad - you know, Georgie, don't you? -Say, Brad. I've got an idea. Yes? -Yes? I mean I've got a job for you. -I mean I've got a job for you. Good. -Good. You don't want to be a war correspondent - how about being a dramatic critic? -You don't want to be a war correspondent - how about being a dramatic critic? I'd like that. -"You start tomorrow night. Richard Carl in ""The Spring Chicken."" I'll get us some girls. You get tickets. A drama critic gets them free, you know. Rector's at seven?" Charlie - -Charlie - Yes? -Yes? It doesn't make any difference about me, but one of these days you're going to find out that all this charm of yours won't be enough - -It doesn't make any difference about me, but one of these days you're going to find out that all this charm of yours won't be enough - You're wrong. It does make a difference to you - Rector's, Brad? Come to think of it, I don't blame you for not wanting to be a war correspondent. You won't miss anything. It isn't much of a war. Besides, they tell me there isn't a decent restaurant on the whole island. -"Take dictation - Front page editorial - ""This afternoon a great man was assassinated. He was the President of the United States -""" Charlie - -Charlie - Yes? -Yes? Do you think you're the one who should call him a great man? -Do you think you're the one who should call him a great man? Why not? -Why not? Why not? Well - nobody's a great man in your estimation until he's dead. -What do you mean by that? Yesterday morning you called the President a traitor. What do you think that crowd is doing down there? They think you murdered him. -Yesterday morning you called the President a traitor. What do you think that crowd is doing down there? They think you murdered him. "Because the crackpot who did it had a copy of the ""Enquirer"" in his pocket?" -"Because the crackpot who did it had a copy of the ""Enquirer"" in his pocket?" "- and that copy of the ""Enquirer"" said the President should be killed." -"- and that copy of the ""Enquirer"" said the President should be killed." I said treason was a capital offense punishable by death - -I said treason was a capital offense punishable by death - You've said a lot of things about the President in the last few months. -You've said a lot of things about the President in the last few months. They're true! Everything I said! Witholding that veto was treason! -They're true! Everything I said! Witholding that veto was treason! Charlie! -Charlie! Oil belonging to the people of the United States was leased out for a song to a gang of high-pressure crooks - Nobody can blame me because - -Oil belonging to the people of the United States was leased out for a song to a gang of high-pressure crooks - Nobody can blame me because - Look out that window. -There are the people of the United States, and they are blaming you - Oh, I know it doesn't make any sense, but at least you can learn a lesson from it. "What lesson? Not to expose fraud when I see it? Not to fight for the right of the people to own their own property? Run it the way I said, Reilly - ""This afternoon a great man was assassinated -""" -"What lesson? Not to expose fraud when I see it? Not to fight for the right of the people to own their own property? Run it the way I said, Reilly - ""This afternoon a great man was assassinated -""" Charlie! Now you're not making sense. -Charlie! Now you're not making sense. I don't have to. I run a newspaper with half a million readers and they're getting a martyred president this morning with their breakfast. I can't help that. Besides, they all know I'm married to his niece. I've got to think of her. -I don't have to. I run a newspaper with half a million readers and they're getting a martyred president this morning with their breakfast. I can't help that. Besides, they all know I'm married to his niece. I've got to think of her. What? -What? I've got to think of Emily - -I've got to think of Emily - I'd like to talk to you about that. -I'd like to talk to you about that. Go ahead. -First of all - What's wrong, Brad? -What's wrong, Brad? I'm drunk. -I'm drunk. I'll get you some coffee. -"First of all, I will not write a good review of a play because somebody paid a thousand dollars for an advertisement in the ""Enquirer.""" That's just a little promotion scheme. Nobody expects you - Mike, will you try and get Mr. Leland some coffee? -Charlie, it's just no go. We can't agree anymore. I wish you'd let me go to Chicago. Why, Brad? -Why, Brad? I want to be transferred to the new paper. You've been saying yourself you wish you had somebody to - That's not what I wanted to talk about. -I'll tell you what I'll do, Brad - I'll get drunk, too - maybe that'll help. No, that won't help. Besides, you never get drunk. I wanted to talk about you and Emily. -All right. She's going to leave you - -She's going to leave you - I don't think so, Brad. We've just had word that the President is out of danger. It seems I didn't kill him after all. -I don't think so, Brad. We've just had word that the President is out of danger. It seems I didn't kill him after all. She was going to leave you anyway - -Emily's going south next week with the child. As far as anybody's to know, it's a holiday. When they get back - Brad, you are drunk. -Brad, you are drunk. Sure I am. She wants full custody of the child no matter what happens. If you won't agree to that, she'll apply for a divorce regardless of the President's wishes. I can't tell her she's wrong, because she isn't wrong - -Sure I am. She wants full custody of the child no matter what happens. If you won't agree to that, she'll apply for a divorce regardless of the President's wishes. I can't tell her she's wrong, because she isn't wrong - Why is she leaving me? -Why is she leaving me? She hasn't any friends left sine you started this oil business, and she never sees you. -She hasn't any friends left sine you started this oil business, and she never sees you. "Do you think the ""Enquirer"" shouldn't have campaigned against the oil leases?" -"Do you think the ""Enquirer"" shouldn't have campaigned against the oil leases?" You might have made the whole thing less personal! -There's no reason why this - this savage personal note - The personal note is all there is to it. It's all there ever is to it. It's all there every is to anything! Stupidity in our government, complacency and self-satisfaction and unwillingness to believe that anything done by a certain class of people can be wrong - you can't fight those things impersonally. They're not impersonal crimes against people. They're being done by actual persons - with actual names and positions and - the right of the American people to own their own country is not an academic issue, Brad, that you debate - and then the judges retire to return a verdict and the winners give a dinner for the losers. -The personal note is all there is to it. It's all there ever is to it. It's all there every is to anything! Stupidity in our government, complacency and self-satisfaction and unwillingness to believe that anything done by a certain class of people can be wrong - you can't fight those things impersonally. They're not impersonal crimes against people. They're being done by actual persons - with actual names and positions and - the right of the American people to own their own country is not an academic issue, Brad, that you debate - and then the judges retire to return a verdict and the winners give a dinner for the losers. You almost convince me. I'm just drunk enough to tell you the truth. I have to be a little drunk for that because I'm a coward. You know that. That's why you keep me around. You only associate with your inferiors, Charlie. I guess that's why you ran away from Emily. Because you can't stand the company of your equals. You don't like to admit they exist - the other big people in your world are dead. I told you that. -You talk about the people of the United States as though they belonged to you. When you find out they don't think they are, you'll lose interest. You talk about giving them their rights as though you could make a present of liberty. Remember the working man? You used to defend him quite a good deal. Well, he's turning into something called organized labor and you don't like that at all. And listen, when your precious underprivileged really get together - that's going to add up to something bigger than - than your privilege and then I don't know what you'll do - sail away to a desert island, probably, and lord it over the monkeys. Are you finished? -Are you finished? Yes. Now, will you let me go to Chicago? -Yes. Now, will you let me go to Chicago? You're not going to like it in Chicago. They wind comes howling in from the lake. And there's practically no opera season at all - and the Lord only knows whether they've ever heard of Lobster Newburg - -You're not going to like it in Chicago. They wind comes howling in from the lake. And there's practically no opera season at all - and the Lord only knows whether they've ever heard of Lobster Newburg - That's all right. What are you going to do about Emily? -That's all right. What are you going to do about Emily? Nothing - if she dosen't love me - -You want love on your own terms, don't you, Charlie - Love according to your own rules. And if anything goes wrong and you're hurt - then the game stops, and you've got to be soothed and nursed, no matter what else is happening - and no matter who else is hurt! It's simpler than that, Brad. A society girl can't stand the gaff, that's all. Other things are important to her - social position, what they're saying on the front porches at Southampton, is it going to be embarrassing to meet somebody or the other at dinner - -She can leave me. As a matter of fact, I've already left her. Don't worry, Brad - I'll live. I know you will. -I know you will. Hey, Brad! I've been analyzed an awful lot tonight - let's have another brandy. -You still want to be transferred to the other paper? Yes. -Yes. Well, you've been getting a pretty low salary here in New York. It seems to me that the new dramatic critic of our Chicago paper should get what he's worth. -Well, you've been getting a pretty low salary here in New York. It seems to me that the new dramatic critic of our Chicago paper should get what he's worth. I couldn't possibly live on as little as that, Charlie. We'll let the salary stay where it is. -Hello, Brad. Hello, Charlie - I didn't know we were speaking. -Maybe we'd better wait for more word on the President's condition. What do you mean by that? -We'll withdraw support completely. Anything else? Mr. Leland sent back that check. -Mr. Leland sent back that check. What check? -What check? You made it out to him last week after he left for Chicago. -You made it out to him last week after he left for Chicago. Oh, yes, the bonus. -Oh, yes, the bonus. It was for twenty-five thousand dollars. -It does seem too good to be true, doesn't it, Mr. Bernstein? Rogers isn't even pretending. He isn't just scared anymore. He's sick. Frank Norris told me last night he hasn't known Rogers to be that worried in twenty-five years. -Rogers isn't even pretending. He isn't just scared anymore. He's sick. Frank Norris told me last night he hasn't known Rogers to be that worried in twenty-five years. I think it's beginning to dawn on Mr. Rogers that I mean what I say. With Mr. Rogers out of the way, Reilly, I think we may really begin to hope for a good government in this state. Well, Mr. Bernstein? -I'll sign those papers - You people seem to forget that I'm the boy's father. -It's going to be done exactly the way I've told Mr. Thatcher - If I want to, I can go to court. A father has a right to - -Well, let's hope it's all for the best. It is. Go on, Mr. Thatcher - -Mr. Thatcher is going to take you on a trip with him tonight, Charles. You'll be leaving on Number Ten. That's the train with all the lights. -You're going to live with Mr. Thatcher from now on, Charlie! You're going to be rich. Your Ma figures - that is, er - she and I have decided that this isn't the place for you to grow up in. You'll probably be the richest man in America someday and you ought to - You won't be lonely, Charles... -Sorry, Mr. Thatcher! What the kid needs is a good thrashing! That's what you think, is it, Jim? -That's what you think, is it, Jim? Yes. -Mr. Leland, you were - You don't happen to have a cigar, do you? I've got a young physician - must remember to ask to see his license - the odds are a hundred to one he hasn't got one - who thinks I'm going to stop smoking... I changed the subject, didn't I? Dear, dear! What a disagreeable old man I've become. You want to know what I think of Charlie Kane? Well - I suppose he has some private sort of greatness. But he kept it to himself. He never - gave himself away - He never gave anything away. He just - left you a tip. He had a generous mind. I don't suppose anybody ever had so many opinions. That was because he had the power to express them, and Charlie lived on power and the excitement of using it - But he didn't believe in anything except Charlie Kane. He never had a conviction in his life. I guess he died without one - That must have been pretty unpleasant. Of course, a lot of us check out with no special conviction about death. But we do know what we're leaving ... we believe in something. You're absolutely sure you haven't got a cigar? -You don't happen to have a cigar, do you? I've got a young physician - must remember to ask to see his license - the odds are a hundred to one he hasn't got one - who thinks I'm going to stop smoking... I changed the subject, didn't I? Dear, dear! What a disagreeable old man I've become. You want to know what I think of Charlie Kane? Well - I suppose he has some private sort of greatness. But he kept it to himself. He never - gave himself away - He never gave anything away. He just - left you a tip. He had a generous mind. I don't suppose anybody ever had so many opinions. That was because he had the power to express them, and Charlie lived on power and the excitement of using it - But he didn't believe in anything except Charlie Kane. He never had a conviction in his life. I guess he died without one - That must have been pretty unpleasant. Of course, a lot of us check out with no special conviction about death. But we do know what we're leaving ... we believe in something. You're absolutely sure you haven't got a cigar? Sorry, Mr. Leland. -Sorry, Mr. Leland. Never mind - Bernstein told you about the first days at the office, didn't he? Well, Charlie was a bad newspaper man even then. He entertained his readers, but he never told them the truth. -Never mind - Bernstein told you about the first days at the office, didn't he? Well, Charlie was a bad newspaper man even then. He entertained his readers, but he never told them the truth. Maybe you could remember something that - -Maybe you could remember something that - I can remember everything. That's my curse, young man. It's the greatest curse that's ever been inflicted on the human race. Memory - I was his oldest friend. As far as I was concerned, he behaved like swine. Maybe I wasnt' his friend. If I wasn't, he never had one. Maybe I was what nowadays you call a stooge - -What's this? It's a letter from her lawyers. -It's a letter from her lawyers. David, Grobleski & Davis - My dear Rawlston - -David, Grobleski & Davis - My dear Rawlston - Rawlston is my boss. -Rawlston is my boss. Oh, yes. I know about Mr. Rawlston. -Oh, yes. I know about Mr. Rawlston. He knows the first Mrs. Kane socially - That's the answer we got. -He knows the first Mrs. Kane socially - That's the answer we got. I am in receipt of your favor of yesterday. I beg you to do me the courtesy of accepting my assurance that Mrs. Whitehall cannot be induced to contribute any more information on the career of Charles Foster Kane. She has authorized me to state on previous occasions that she regards their brief marriage as a distateful episode in her life that she prefers to forget. With assurances of the highest esteem - -Brief marriage! Ten years! Was he in love? -Was he in love? He married for love - That's why he did everything. That's why he went into politics. It seems we weren't enough. He wanted all the voters to love him, too. All he really wanted out of life was love. That's Charlie's story - it's the story of how he lost it. You see, he just didn't have any to give. He loved Charlie Kane, of course, very dearly - and his mother, I guess he always loved her. As for Emily - well, all I can tell you is Emily's story as she told it to me, which probably isn't fair - there's supposed to be two sides to every story - and I guess there are. I guess there's more than two sides - -Well, that's about all there is - and I'm getting chills. Hey, nurse! Five years ago, he wrote from that place of his down South - - you know. Shangri-la? El Dorado? Sloppy Joe's? What's the name of that place? You know... All right. Xanadu. I knew what it was all the time. You caught on, didn't you? Yes. -Yes. I guess maybe I'm not as hard to see through as I think. Anyway, I never even answered his letter. Maybe I should have. I guess he was pretty lonely down there those last years. He hadn't finished it when she left him - he never finished it - he never finished anything. Of course, he built it for her - -I guess maybe I'm not as hard to see through as I think. Anyway, I never even answered his letter. Maybe I should have. I guess he was pretty lonely down there those last years. He hadn't finished it when she left him - he never finished it - he never finished anything. Of course, he built it for her - That must have been love. -That must have been love. I don't know. He was disappointed in the world. So he built one of his own - An absolute monarchy - It was something bigger than an opera house anyway - Nurse! Say, I'll tell you one thing you can do for me, young fellow. -I don't know. He was disappointed in the world. So he built one of his own - An absolute monarchy - It was something bigger than an opera house anyway - Nurse! Say, I'll tell you one thing you can do for me, young fellow. Sure. -Sure. On your way out, stop at a cigar store, will you, and send me up a couple of cigars? -On your way out, stop at a cigar store, will you, and send me up a couple of cigars? Sure, Mr. Leland. I'll be glad to. -Sure, Mr. Leland. I'll be glad to. Hey, Nurse! -I want you to stop all this nonsense, Jim. The Bank's decision in all matters concerning his education, his place of residence and similar subjects will be final. -I want you to stop all this nonsense, Jim. We will assume full management of the Colorado Lode - of which you, Mrs. Kane, are the sole owner. -Where do I sign, Mr. Thatcher? Right here, Mrs. Kane. -Charles, my name is Mr. Thatcher - This is Mr. Thatcher, Charles. -This is Mr. Thatcher, Charles. How do you do, Charles? -Yeah, all in crates. There's a part of a Scotch castle over there, but we haven't bothered to unwrap it. -There's a part of a Scotch castle over there, but we haven't bothered to unwrap it. I wonder how they put all those pieces together? -Anything and everything - he was a regular crow. I wonder - You put all this together - the palaces and the paintings and the toys and everything - what would it spell? -Or Rosebud? How about it, Jerry? Turn that thing off, will you? It's driving me nuts! What's Rosebud? -Turn that thing off, will you? It's driving me nuts! What's Rosebud? Kane's last words, aren't they, Jerry? That was Jerry's angle, wasn't it, Jerry? Did you ever find out what it means, Jerry? -Yes, and maybe he didn't. Ask the question anyway, Thompson! Build the picture around the question, even if you can't answer it. -Ask the question anyway, Thompson! Build the picture around the question, even if you can't answer it. I know, but - -I know, but - All we saw on that screen was a big American - -Thompson! Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Hold this thing up for a week. Two weeks if you have to... -Hold this thing up for a week. Two weeks if you have to... But don't you think if we release it now - he's only been dead four days - it might be better than if - -But don't you think if we release it now - he's only been dead four days - it might be better than if - Nothing is ever better than finding out what makes people tick. Go after the people that knew Kane well. That manager of his - the little guy, Bernstein, those two wives, all the people who knew him, had worked for him, who loved him, who hated his guts - I don't mean go through the City Directory, of course - -I'll get to it right away, Mr. Rawlston. Good! -Yes, sir - yes, sir, I knew how to handle the old man. He was kind of queer, but I knew how to handle him. Queer? -Queer? Yeah. I guess he wasn't very happy those last years - he didn't have much reason to be - -That's the whole works, right up to date. Sentimental fellow, aren't you? -Sentimental fellow, aren't you? Yes and no. -Yes and no. Well, thanks a lot. -Well, thanks a lot. "See what I mean? He was a little gone in the head - the last couple of years, anyway - but I knew how to handle him. That ""Rosebud"" - that don't mean anything. I heard him say it. He just said ""Rosebud"" and then he dropped that glass ball and it broke on the floor. He didn't say anything about that, so I knew he was dead - He said all kind of things I couldn't make out. But I knew how to take care of him." -You can go on asking questions if you want to. We're leaving tonight. As soon as they're through photographing the stuff - -What do you think all that is worth, Mr. Thompson? Millions - if anybody wants it. -Millions - if anybody wants it. The banks are out of luck, eh? -The banks are out of luck, eh? Oh, I don't know. They'll clear all right. -Who told you you could sit down here? Oh! I thought maybe we could have a drink together? -Oh! I thought maybe we could have a drink together? Think again! -Why don't you people let me alone? I'm minding my own business. You mind yours. If you'd just let me talk to you for a little while, Miss Alexander. All I want to ask you... -If you'd just let me talk to you for a little while, Miss Alexander. All I want to ask you... Get out of here! Get out! Get out! -How do you want to handle the whole thing - ask questions? I'd rather you just talked. Anything that comes into your mind - about yourself and Mr. Kane. -I'd rather you just talked. Anything that comes into your mind - about yourself and Mr. Kane. You wouldn't want to hear a lot of what comes into my mind about myself and Mr. Charlie Kane. -How did you meet him? I had a toothache. -I did a lot of singing after that. I sang for Charlie - I sang for teachers at a hundred bucks an hour - the teachers got that, I didn't - What did you get? -What did you get? What do you mean? -I didn't get a thing. Just the music lessons. That's all there was to it. He married you, didn't he? -He married you, didn't he? He was in love with me. But he never told me so until after it all came out in the papers about us - and he lost the election and that Norton woman divorced him. -He was in love with me. But he never told me so until after it all came out in the papers about us - and he lost the election and that Norton woman divorced him. What about that apartment? -What about that apartment? He wanted me to be comfortable - Oh, why should I bother? You don't believe me, but it's true. It just happens to be true. He was really interested in my voice. What are you smiling for? What do you think he built that opera house for? I didn't want it. I didn't want to sing. It was his idea - everything was his idea - except my leaving him. -In case you've never heard of how I lost all my money - and it was plenty, believe me - The last ten years have been tough on a lot of people. -The last ten years have been tough on a lot of people. They haven't been tough on me. I just lost my money. But when I compare these last ten years with the twenty I spent with him - -They haven't been tough on me. I just lost my money. But when I compare these last ten years with the twenty I spent with him - I feel kind of sorry for him, all the same - -I feel kind of sorry for him, all the same - Don't you think I do? You say you're going down to Xanadu? -Don't you think I do? You say you're going down to Xanadu? Monday, with some of the boys from the office. Mr. Rawlston wants the whole place photographed carefully - all that art stuff. We run a picture magazine, you know - -Monday, with some of the boys from the office. Mr. Rawlston wants the whole place photographed carefully - all that art stuff. We run a picture magazine, you know - I know. If you're smart, you'll talk to Raymond. That's the butler. You can learn a lot from him. He knows where the bodies are buried. -Right away. Will you have something, Mr. Thompson? I'll have a highball. -She's just not talking to anybody from the newspapers, Mr. Thompson. I'm not from a newspaper exactly, I - -She's plastered, isn't she? She'll snap out of it. Why, until he died, she'd just as soon talk about Mr. Kane as about anybody. Sooner. -She'll snap out of it. Why, until he died, she'd just as soon talk about Mr. Kane as about anybody. Sooner. I'll come down in a week or so and see her again. Say, you might be able to help me. When she used to talk about Kane - did she ever happen to say anything - about Rosebud? -I'll come down in a week or so and see her again. Say, you might be able to help me. When she used to talk about Kane - did she ever happen to say anything - about Rosebud? Rosebud? -Are you sure? Am I sure? -Am I sure? Are you sure? -Are you sure? Am I sure about what? -Am I sure about what? Do you really want to buy those cigarettes? -Do you really want to buy those cigarettes? Are you serious? -Are you serious? How long have you been smoking? -How long have you been smoking? What is this, a poll? -I'd say you're about nineteen, twenty, am I right? What the hell is that? -What the hell is that? That's your lung. By this time, your lung looks like this. -That's your lung. By this time, your lung looks like this. You're shittin' me. -You're shittin' me. You think I'm shitting you... -What's this? It's a trach ring. It's what they install in your throat when throat cancer takes your voice box. This one came out of a sixty-year-old man. -It's a trach ring. It's what they install in your throat when throat cancer takes your voice box. This one came out of a sixty-year-old man. Unnhh! -Unnhh! He smoked until the day he died. Used to put the cigarette in this thing and smoke it that way. -Well, if it's already too late... It's never too late. Give those cigarettes back now, and buy some gum instead. Here. Chewlies Gum. Try this. -It's never too late. Give those cigarettes back now, and buy some gum instead. Here. Chewlies Gum. Try this. It's not the same. -It's not the same. It's cheaper than cigarettes. And it certainly beats this. -Jesus! It's a picture of a cancer-ridden lung. Keep it. -It's a picture of a cancer-ridden lung. Keep it. I'll just take the gum. -Pack of cigarettes. What's that? This? How long have you been smoking? -Thanks. Have a good one. Do you mind if I drink this here? -Do you mind if I drink this here? Sure. Go ahead. -Beats me. How long have you been a smoker? -Excuse me, but... This is where you're heading. A cruddy lung, smoking through a hole in your throat. Do you really want that? -Fifty-five. You've made a wise choice. Keep up the good work. -Maybe you should take that coffee outside. No, I think I'll drink it in here, thanks. -No, I think I'll drink it in here, thanks. If you're going to drink it in here, I'd appreciate it if you'd not bother the customers. -If you're going to drink it in here, I'd appreciate it if you'd not bother the customers. Okay. I'm sorry about that. -Hey, now wait a sec... "Now he's going to launch into his rap about how he's just doing his job; following orders. Friends, let me tell you about another bunch of hate mongers that were just following orders: they were called Nazis, and they practically wiped a nation of people from the Earth... just like cigarettes are doing now! Cigarette smoking is the new Holocaust, and those that partake in the practice of smoking or sell the wares that promote it are the Nazis of the nineties! He doesn't care how many people die from it! He smiles as you pay for your cancer sticks and says, ""Have a nice day.""" -"Now he's going to launch into his rap about how he's just doing his job; following orders. Friends, let me tell you about another bunch of hate mongers that were just following orders: they were called Nazis, and they practically wiped a nation of people from the Earth... just like cigarettes are doing now! Cigarette smoking is the new Holocaust, and those that partake in the practice of smoking or sell the wares that promote it are the Nazis of the nineties! He doesn't care how many people die from it! He smiles as you pay for your cancer sticks and says, ""Have a nice day.""" I think you'd better leave now. -I think you'd better leave now. You want me to leave? Why? Because somebody is telling it like it is? Somebody's giving these fine people a wake-up call?! -You want me to leave? Why? Because somebody is telling it like it is? Somebody's giving these fine people a wake-up call?! You're loitering in here, and causing a disturbance. -You're loitering in here, and causing a disturbance. You're the disturbance, pal! And here... I'm buying some... what's this?... Chewlie's Gum. There. I'm no longer loitering. I'm a customer, a customer engaged in a discussion with other customers. -That's it, everybody out. We're not moving! We have a right, a constitutional right, to assemble and be heard! -We're not moving! We have a right, a constitutional right, to assemble and be heard! Yeah, but not in here. -Yeah, but not in here. What better place than this? To stamp it out, you gotta start at the source! -What better place than this? To stamp it out, you gotta start at the source! Like I'm responsible for all the smokers! -Like I'm responsible for all the smokers! The ones in this town, yes! You encourage their growth, their habit. You're the source in this area, and we're going to shut you down for good! For good, cancer-merchant! -Randal Graves-scourge of the video renter. Ladies and gentleman, Mrs. Asian Design Major herself: Caitlin Bree! -Ladies and gentleman, Mrs. Asian Design Major herself: Caitlin Bree! You saw that article? God, isn't it awful? My mother sent that in. -You saw that article? God, isn't it awful? My mother sent that in. I take it she likes the guy. -I take it she likes the guy. You'd think she was marrying him. What are you watching? -You'd think she was marrying him. What are you watching? Children's programming. What did your mom say when you told her you weren't engaged anymore? -Children's programming. What did your mom say when you told her you weren't engaged anymore? She said not to come home until graduation. -She said not to come home until graduation. Wow, you got thrown out? For Dante? -Wow, you got thrown out? For Dante? What can I say? He does weird things to me. -What can I say? He does weird things to me. Can I watch? -Can I watch? You can hold me down. -You can hold me down. Can I join in? -Can I join in? You might be let down. I'm not a hermaphrodite. -You might be let down. I'm not a hermaphrodite. Few are. So what makes you think you can maintain a relationship with Dante this time around? -Few are. So what makes you think you can maintain a relationship with Dante this time around? A woman's intuition. Something in me says it's time to give the old boy a serious try. -A woman's intuition. Something in me says it's time to give the old boy a serious try. Wow. Hey, I was just about to order some dinner. You eat Chinese, right? -Wow. Hey, I was just about to order some dinner. You eat Chinese, right? Dick. -Dick. Exactly. -Exactly. So where is he? -So where is he? He went home to change for the big date. -He went home to change for the big date. God, isn't he great? -God, isn't he great? No, this is great. -No, this is great. Can I use the bathroom? -Can I use the bathroom? There's no light back there. -There's no light back there. Why aren't there any lights? -Why aren't there any lights? Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at five-fourteen every night. -Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at five-fourteen every night. You're kidding. -You're kidding. Nobody can figure it out. And the boss doesn't want to pay the electrician to fix it, because the electrician owes money to the video store. -Nobody can figure it out. And the boss doesn't want to pay the electrician to fix it, because the electrician owes money to the video store. Such a sordid state of affair. -Such a sordid state of affair. And I'm caught in the middle-torn between my loyalty for the boss, and my desire to piss with the light on. -And I'm caught in the middle-torn between my loyalty for the boss, and my desire to piss with the light on. I'll try to manage. -Hey Caitlin... Break his heart again this time, and I'll kill you. Nothing personal. You're very protective of him, Randal. You always have been. -You're very protective of him, Randal. You always have been. Territoriality. He was mine first. -Territoriality. He was mine first. Awww. That was so cute. -Am I missing something here? I went back there, and Dante was already waiting for me. -I went back there, and Dante was already waiting for me. He was? -He was? It was so cool. He didn't say a word. He was just... ready, you know? And we didn't kiss or talk or anything. He just sat there and let me do all the work. -It was so cool. He didn't say a word. He was just... ready, you know? And we didn't kiss or talk or anything. He just sat there and let me do all the work. You dog! I didn't see you go back there. -I was here the whole time. You two better quit it. -Nobody! I swear! I feel nauseous. -Why? No, don't! -When did you get back? Just now. -Just now. My God. I haven't seen you since... -My God. I haven't seen you since... Dante. You've got a customer. -I just saw Alyssa's little sister outside. She was with Rick Derris. Let's not talk about that. How'd you get home? -Let's not talk about that. How'd you get home? Train. It took eight hours. -Train. It took eight hours. I can't believe you're here. -You're just going to lock the store like that? I want to talk to you about something, and I don't want to be disturbed. -I want to talk to you about something, and I don't want to be disturbed. You saw it? -You saw it? Very dramatic, I thought. -Very dramatic, I thought. It's not what you think. -It's not what you think. What, it's worse? You're pregnant with an Asian design major's child? -What, it's worse? You're pregnant with an Asian design major's child? I'm not pregnant. -I'm not pregnant. Were you going to tell me or just send me an invitation? -Were you going to tell me or just send me an invitation? I was going to tell you. But then we were getting along so well, I didn't want to mess it up. -I was going to tell you. But then we were getting along so well, I didn't want to mess it up. You could've broke it to me gently, you know; at least started by telling me you had a boyfriend. I told you I have a girlfriend. -You could've broke it to me gently, you know; at least started by telling me you had a boyfriend. I told you I have a girlfriend. I know, I'm sorry. But when we started talking... it's like I forgot I had a boyfriend. And then he proposed last month... -I know, I'm sorry. But when we started talking... it's like I forgot I had a boyfriend. And then he proposed last month... And you said yes? -And you said yes? Well... kind of, sort of? -Well... kind of, sort of? Is that what they teach you at that school of yours? Kind of, sort of? Everyone knows about this except me! Do you know how humiliating that is? -Is that what they teach you at that school of yours? Kind of, sort of? Everyone knows about this except me! Do you know how humiliating that is? I would've told you, and you would have stopped calling, like a baby. -I would've told you, and you would have stopped calling, like a baby. How do you know that? -How do you know that? Because I know you. You prefer drastic measures to rational ones. -Because I know you. You prefer drastic measures to rational ones. So you're really getting married? -So you're really getting married? No. -No. No, you're not really getting married? -No, you're not really getting married? The story goes like this: He proposed, and I told him I had to think about it, and he insisted I wear the ring anyway. Then my mother told the paper we were engaged. -The story goes like this: He proposed, and I told him I had to think about it, and he insisted I wear the ring anyway. Then my mother told the paper we were engaged. How like her. -How like her. Then my mother called me this morning and told me the announcement was in the paper. That's when I hopped the train to come back here, because I knew you'd be a wreck. -Then my mother called me this morning and told me the announcement was in the paper. That's when I hopped the train to come back here, because I knew you'd be a wreck. Thanks for the vote of confidence. -Thanks for the vote of confidence. Was I right? -Was I right? Wreck is a harsh term. Disturbed is more like it. Mildly disturbed even. -Wreck is a harsh term. Disturbed is more like it. Mildly disturbed even. I love a macho façade. It's such a turn-on. What smells like shoe polish? -I love a macho façade. It's such a turn-on. What smells like shoe polish? And you came here to what? To comfort me? -And you came here to what? To comfort me? The last thing I needed was for you to think I was hiding something from you. -The last thing I needed was for you to think I was hiding something from you. But you were. -But you were. No, I wasn't. Not really. I told you'd I'd been seeing other people. -No, I wasn't. Not really. I told you'd I'd been seeing other people. Yeah, but not seriously. Christ, you're ready to walk down the aisle- I'd say that constitutes something more than just seeing somebody. -Yeah, but not seriously. Christ, you're ready to walk down the aisle- I'd say that constitutes something more than just seeing somebody. I'm giving him his ring back. -I'm giving him his ring back. What? -What? I don't want to marry him. I don't want to get married now. I'm on the verge of graduation. I want to go to grad school after this. And then I want to start a career. I don't want to be a wife first, and then have to worry about when I'm going to fit in all of the other stuff. I've come way too far and studied too hard to let my education go to waste as a housewife. And I know that's what I'd become. Sang's already signed with a major firm, and he's going to be pulling a huge salary, which would give me no reason to work, and he's so traditional anyway... -I don't want to marry him. I don't want to get married now. I'm on the verge of graduation. I want to go to grad school after this. And then I want to start a career. I don't want to be a wife first, and then have to worry about when I'm going to fit in all of the other stuff. I've come way too far and studied too hard to let my education go to waste as a housewife. And I know that's what I'd become. Sang's already signed with a major firm, and he's going to be pulling a huge salary, which would give me no reason to work, and he's so traditional anyway... Sang? His name is a past tense? -Sang? His name is a past tense? Stop it. He's a nice guy. -Stop it. He's a nice guy. If he's so nice, why aren't you going to marry him? -If he's so nice, why aren't you going to marry him? I just told you. -I just told you. There's more, isn't there? -There's more, isn't there? Why, Mr. Hicks-whatever do you mean? -Why, Mr. Hicks-whatever do you mean? Tell me I don't have something to do with it. -Tell me I don't have something to do with it. You don't have anything to do with it. -You don't have anything to do with it. You lie. -You lie. Look how full of yourself you are. -Look how full of yourself you are. I just believe in giving credit where credit is due. And I believe that I'm the impetus behind your failure to wed. -I just believe in giving credit where credit is due. And I believe that I'm the impetus behind your failure to wed. If I'm so nuts about you, then why am I having sex with an Asian design major? -If I'm so nuts about you, then why am I having sex with an Asian design major? Jesus, you're caustic. -Jesus, you're caustic. I had to bring you down from that cloud you were floating on. When I say I don't want to get married, I mean just that. I don't want to marry anybody. Not for years. -I had to bring you down from that cloud you were floating on. When I say I don't want to get married, I mean just that. I don't want to marry anybody. Not for years. So who's asking? I don't want to marry you. -So who's asking? I don't want to marry you. Good. Stay in that frame of mind. -Good. Stay in that frame of mind. But can we date? -But can we date? I'm sure Sang and-Veronica?-would like that. -I'm sure Sang and-Veronica?-would like that. We could introduce them. They might hit it off. -We could introduce them. They might hit it off. You're serious. You want to date again. -You're serious. You want to date again. I would like to be your boyfriend, yes. -I would like to be your boyfriend, yes. It's just the shock of seeing me after three years. Believe me, you'll get over it. -It's just the shock of seeing me after three years. Believe me, you'll get over it. Give me a bit more credit. I think it's time we got back together, you know. I'm more mature, you're more mature, you're finishing college, I'm already in the job market... -Give me a bit more credit. I think it's time we got back together, you know. I'm more mature, you're more mature, you're finishing college, I'm already in the job market... You work in a market, all right. -You work in a market, all right. Cute. Tell me you wouldn't want to go out again. After all the talking we've been doing. -Cute. Tell me you wouldn't want to go out again. After all the talking we've been doing. The key word here is talk, Dante. I think the idea, the conception of us dating is more idyllic than what actually happens when we date. -The key word here is talk, Dante. I think the idea, the conception of us dating is more idyllic than what actually happens when we date. So... what? So we should just make pretend over the phone that we're dating? -So... what? So we should just make pretend over the phone that we're dating? I don't know. Maybe we should just see what happens. -I don't know. Maybe we should just see what happens. Let me take you out tonight. -Let me take you out tonight. You mean, on a date? -You mean, on a date? Yes. A real date. Dinner and a movie. -Yes. A real date. Dinner and a movie. The Dante Hicks Dinner and a Movie Date. I think I've been on that one before. -The Dante Hicks Dinner and a Movie Date. I think I've been on that one before. You have a better suggestion? -You have a better suggestion? How about the Caitlin Bree Walk on the Boardwalk, Then Get Naked Somewhere Kind of Private Date? -How about the Caitlin Bree Walk on the Boardwalk, Then Get Naked Somewhere Kind of Private Date? I hear that's a rather popular date. -I hear that's a rather popular date. Jerk. Here I am, throwing myself at you, succumbing to your wily charms, and you call me a slut, in so many words. -Jerk. Here I am, throwing myself at you, succumbing to your wily charms, and you call me a slut, in so many words. What about Sing? -What about Sing? Sang. -Sang. Sang. -Sang. He's not invited. -He's not invited. He's your fiancé. -He's your fiancé. I offer you my body and you offer me semantics? He's just a boyfriend, Dante, and in case you haven't gotten the drift of why I came all the way here from Ohio, I'm about to become single again. And yes-let me placate your ego-you are the inspiration for this bold and momentous decision, for which I'll probably be ostracized at both school and home. You ask me who I choose, I choose you. -I offer you my body and you offer me semantics? He's just a boyfriend, Dante, and in case you haven't gotten the drift of why I came all the way here from Ohio, I'm about to become single again. And yes-let me placate your ego-you are the inspiration for this bold and momentous decision, for which I'll probably be ostracized at both school and home. You ask me who I choose, I choose you. So what are you saying? -So what are you saying? You're such an asshole. -You're such an asshole. I'm just kidding. -I'm just kidding. I can already tell this isn't going to work. -I can already tell this isn't going to work. I'll ask Randal to close up for me when he gets back. -I'll ask Randal to close up for me when he gets back. Where'd he go? I'd have thought he'd be at your side, like an obedient lapdog. -Where'd he go? I'd have thought he'd be at your side, like an obedient lapdog. He went to rent a movie, but he hasn't gotten back yet. Ah, screw it; I'll just lock the store up and leave him a note. -He went to rent a movie, but he hasn't gotten back yet. Ah, screw it; I'll just lock the store up and leave him a note. You're too responsible. But no. I have to go home first. They don't even know I left school. And I should break the disengagement news to my mother, which is going to cause quite a row, considering she loves Sang. -You're too responsible. But no. I have to go home first. They don't even know I left school. And I should break the disengagement news to my mother, which is going to cause quite a row, considering she loves Sang. Who doesn't? -Who doesn't? Well, me I guess. So, I shall take my leave of you, but I will return in a little while, at which time-yes-I would love to go for dinner and a movie with you. -Well, me I guess. So, I shall take my leave of you, but I will return in a little while, at which time-yes-I would love to go for dinner and a movie with you. What happened to the walk and the nakedness? -What happened to the walk and the nakedness? I'm easy, but I'm not that easy. See you later, handsome. -How'd you get here so fast? I left like an hour ago. -I left like an hour ago. Do you always talk weird after you violate women? -Promise me it'll always be like that. Like what? -Like what? When you just lie perfectly still and let me do everything. -When you just lie perfectly still and let me do everything. Um... okay. -And the fact that there weren't any lights made it so... God! That was so great! It wasn't me. -It wasn't me. Yeah, right. Who was it: Randal? -Yeah, right. Who was it: Randal? Was it you? -I'm serious. We didn't just have sex in the bathroom? -We didn't just have sex in the bathroom? No. -Stop this. This isn't funny. I'm not kidding. I just got back from outside. -I'm not kidding. I just got back from outside. This isn't fucking funny, Dante! -This isn't fucking funny, Dante! I'm not fooling around! Who went back there? -Are you sure somebody was back there? I didn't just fuck myself! Jesus, I'm going to be sick! -I can't believe this! I feel faint... Call the police. -There's a strange man in our bathroom, and he just raped Caitlin! Oh God... -I don't know. He just came in and asked to use the bathroom. What time was this? -What time was this? Um... I don't know. What time did hockey end? -Wait a second? Who was working here today? Just me. -Just me. I thought you just said you played hockey and went to a funeral. -I thought you just said you played hockey and went to a funeral. We did. -We did. Then who operated the store? -Then who operated the store? Nobody. It was closed. -Nobody. It was closed. With this guy locked in? -With this guy locked in? Everything happened at once. I guess I forgot he was back there. -Was he alive when... Caitlin... No. I place the time of death at about three-twenty. -Well he asked me for it! I can't say for certain until we get him back to the lab, but my guess is he was masturbating, his heart seized and he died. That's when the girl found him. Something smells like shoe polish. -What about Caitlin? Shock trauma. She's going to need years of therapy after this. My question is, How did she come to have sex with the dead man? -Shock trauma. She's going to need years of therapy after this. My question is, How did she come to have sex with the dead man? She thought it was me. -Are you open? Yeah. -Yeah. Pack of cigarettes. -This is the last time I come to this place. Excuse me? -Excuse me? Using filthy language in front of the customers... you should both get fired. -Using filthy language in front of the customers... you should both get fired. We're sorry, ma'am. We got a little carried away. -We're sorry, ma'am. We got a little carried away. Well, I don't know if sorry can make up for it. I found your remarks highly offensive. -If you can just wait a few more minutes. Fuck that! I'm gonna break my crazy neck on this ladder! -What the fuck is this?! I want some service! In a second! -In a second! Fuck in a second! This is... Look at you! You can't even pass! -Fuck in a second! This is... Look at you! You can't even pass! I can pass! -I can pass! How 'bout covering point!? You suck! -Who are you to make assessments? I'll assess all I want! -Like you're better! I can whip your ass. -That's easy to say from over here. Give me a stick, pretty boy! I'll knock your fucking teeth out and pass all over your ass. -Are you open? Yes. -My point is that you're a clerk, paid to do a job. You can't just do anything you want while you're working. """Space Alien Revealed as Head of Time Warner; Reports Stock Increase."" They print any kind of shit in these papers." -"""Space Alien Revealed as Head of Time Warner; Reports Stock Increase."" They print any kind of shit in these papers." They certainly do. Two fifty-five. -I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR FUCKING HEAD! YOU FUCKING JERKOFF! Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He didn't mean it! He was trying to get me. -Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He didn't mean it! He was trying to get me. Well, he missed! -Well, he missed! I know. I'm sorry. Let me refund your cigarette money, and we'll call it even. -I know. I'm sorry. Let me refund your cigarette money, and we'll call it even. This is the last time I ever come here. And if I ever see you again, I'm gonna break your fucking head open! -Excuse me, do you have... To the back, above the oil. How long are you staying? -Pack of cigarettes. Congratulations. I saw that announcement in today's paper. She's marrying an Asian design major. So I'm told. -All right, now if you're really feeling dangerous tonight, then Smokey and the Bandit Three is the movie you must rent. This doesn't even have Burt Reynolds in it. -This doesn't even have Burt Reynolds in it. Hey, neither did ET; but that was a great movie, right? -Awww, he's so cute. What's his name? Lenin's Tomb. -I work in a shitty video store. I want to go to a good video store so I can rent a good movie. Are you open? -Pack of cigarettes. Cute cat. What's its name? Annoying Customer. -Pack of cigarettes. What's your point? -I saw one, one time, that said the world was ending the next week. Then in the next week's paper, they said we were miraculously saved at the zero hour by a Koala-fish mutant bird. Crazy shit. So I'm no more responsible for my own decisions while I'm here at work than, say, the Death Squad soldiers in Bosnia? -Cute cat. What's his name. Peptic ulcer. -You open? Yeah. -What am I worried about? He'll probably be glad I started the ball rolling. All he ever did was complain about her anyway. I'm just looking out for his best interests. I mean, that's what a friend does, am I right? I did him a favor. Oooh! Navy Seals! -Dante, let me grab a Gatorade. If you grab a Gatorade, then everybody's going to grab one. -If you grab a Gatorade, then everybody's going to grab one. So? -So? So? So nobody's going to want to pay for these Gatorades. -So? So nobody's going to want to pay for these Gatorades. What do you care? Hey, what smells like shoe polish? -What do you care? Hey, what smells like shoe polish? I've got a responsibility here. I can't let everybody grab free drinks. -I've got a responsibility here. I can't let everybody grab free drinks. What responsibility? You're closing the fucking store to play hockey. -All right. Jesus, you fuckers are pushy. Hey man, I hear Caitlin's marrying an Asian drum major. -You only brought one ball?! I thought Redding had like three balls! -Shit! We get... what... twelve minutes of game, and it's over? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!! I'm not even supposed to be here today! -You're late. What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were playing hockey at one. -What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were playing hockey at one. The boss called. Arthur fell ill. -The boss called. Arthur fell ill. Why are the shutters closed? -Why are the shutters closed? Someone jammed gum in the locks. -Someone jammed gum in the locks. Bunch of savages in this town. -Bunch of savages in this town. That's what I said. -That's what I said. Shit, if I'd known you were working, I would've come even later. -What time do you have to stay till? He assured me that he'd be here by twelve. -He assured me that he'd be here by twelve. What smells like shoe polish? -What smells like shoe polish? Go open the sore. -Some guy just came in refusing to pay late fees. He said the store was closed for two hours yesterday. I tore up his membership. Shocking abuse of authority. -Shocking abuse of authority. I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule. Is the Pelican flying? -I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule. Is the Pelican flying? Don't screw with it. It makes us look suspicious. -Don't screw with it. It makes us look suspicious. I can't stand a voyeur. I'll be back. -Want something to drink? I'm buying. No, thanks. -No, thanks. Who was on your phone this morning at about two-thirty? I was trying to call for a half an hour. -Who was on your phone this morning at about two-thirty? I was trying to call for a half an hour. Why? -Why? I wanted to use your car. -You don't want to know. You called Caitlin again? -You called Caitlin again? She called me. -She called me. Did you tell Veronica? -Did you tell Veronica? One fight a day with Veronica is about all I can stomach, thanks. -One fight a day with Veronica is about all I can stomach, thanks. What do you two fight about? -What do you two fight about? I guess it's not really fighting. She just wants me to leave here, go back to school, get some direction. -I guess it's not really fighting. She just wants me to leave here, go back to school, get some direction. I'll bet the most frequent topic of arguments is Caitlin Bree. -I'll bet the most frequent topic of arguments is Caitlin Bree. You win. -You win. I'm going to offer you some advice, my friend: let the past be the past. Forget Caitlin Bree. You've been with Veronica for how long now? -I'm going to offer you some advice, my friend: let the past be the past. Forget Caitlin Bree. You've been with Veronica for how long now? Seven months. -Seven months. Chick's nuts about you. How long did you date Caitlin? -Chick's nuts about you. How long did you date Caitlin? Five years. -Five years. Chick only made you nuts. She cheated on you how many times? -Chick only made you nuts. She cheated on you how many times? Eight and a half. -Eight and a half. Eight and a half? -Eight and a half? Party at John K's-senior year. I get blitzed and pass out in his bedroom. Caitlin comes in and dives all over me. -Party at John K's-senior year. I get blitzed and pass out in his bedroom. Caitlin comes in and dives all over me. That's cheating? -That's cheating? In the middle of it, she calls me Brad. -In the middle of it, she calls me Brad. She called you Brad? -She called you Brad? She called me Brad. -She called me Brad. "That's not cheating. People say crazy shit during sex. One time, I called this girl ""Mom.""" -"That's not cheating. People say crazy shit during sex. One time, I called this girl ""Mom.""" I hit the lights and she freaks. Turns out she thought I was Brad Michaelson. -I hit the lights and she freaks. Turns out she thought I was Brad Michaelson. What do you mean? -What do you mean? She was supposed to meet Brad Michaelson in a bedroom. She picked the wrong one. She had no idea I was even at the party. -She was supposed to meet Brad Michaelson in a bedroom. She picked the wrong one. She had no idea I was even at the party. Oh, my God. -Oh, my God. Great story, isn't it? -Great story, isn't it? That girl was vile to you. -That girl was vile to you. Interesting postscript to that story: Do you know who wound up going with Brad Michaelson in the other dark bedroom? -Interesting postscript to that story: Do you know who wound up going with Brad Michaelson in the other dark bedroom? Your mother. -Your mother. Allan Harris. -Allan Harris. Chess team Allan Harris?! -Chess team Allan Harris?! The two moved to Idaho together after graduation. They raise sheep. -The two moved to Idaho together after graduation. They raise sheep. That's frightening. -That's frightening. It takes different strokes to move the world. -It takes different strokes to move the world. In light of this lurid tale, I don't see how you could even romanticize your relationship with Caitlin-she broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles. -In light of this lurid tale, I don't see how you could even romanticize your relationship with Caitlin-she broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles. Because there was a lot of good in our relationship. -Because there was a lot of good in our relationship. Oh yeah. -Oh yeah. I'm serious. Aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. That's what high school's all about-algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity. -I'm serious. Aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. That's what high school's all about-algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity. You think things would be any different now? -You think things would be any different now? They are. When she calls me now, she's a different person-she's frightened and vulnerable. She's about to finish college and enter the real world. That's got to be scary for anyone. -They are. When she calls me now, she's a different person-she's frightened and vulnerable. She's about to finish college and enter the real world. That's got to be scary for anyone. Oh shit, I've got to place an order. -Oh shit, I've got to place an order. I'm talking to myself here. -I'm talking to myself here. No, no, I'm listening. She's leaving college, and...? -No, no, I'm listening. She's leaving college, and...? ...and she's looking to me for support. And I think that this is leading our relationship to a new level. -...and she's looking to me for support. And I think that this is leading our relationship to a new level. What about Veronica? -What about Veronica? I think the arguments Veronica and I are having are some kind of manifestation of a subconscious desire to break away from her so that I can pursue the possibility of a more meaningful relationship with Caitlin. -I think the arguments Veronica and I are having are some kind of manifestation of a subconscious desire to break away from her so that I can pursue the possibility of a more meaningful relationship with Caitlin. Caitlin's on the same wave-length? -Caitlin's on the same wave-length? I think it's safe to say yes. -I think it's safe to say yes. Then I think all four of you had better sit down and talk it over. -Then I think all four of you had better sit down and talk it over. All four? -All four? You, Veronica, Caitlin... ...and Caitlin's fiancé. -Do you know that article is accurate? Caitlin's really getting married! You know what I just watched? -You know what I just watched? Me pulling a can off some moron's fist. -Me pulling a can off some moron's fist. Return of the Jedi. -Return of the Jedi. Didn't you hear me? Caitlin really is getting married. -Didn't you hear me? Caitlin really is getting married. Which did you like better: Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back. -Which did you like better: Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back. Empire. -Empire. Blasphemy. -Blasphemy. Empire had the better ending: Luke gets his hand cut off, and finds out Vader's his father; Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. And that's life-a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets. -Empire had the better ending: Luke gets his hand cut off, and finds out Vader's his father; Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. And that's life-a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets. There was something else going on in Jedi. I never noticed it until today. -What's that? All right, Vader's boss... -All right, Vader's boss... The Emperor. -The Emperor. Right, the Emperor. Now the Emperor is kind of a spiritual figure, yes? -Right, the Emperor. Now the Emperor is kind of a spiritual figure, yes? How do you mean? -How do you mean? Well, he's like the pope for the dark side of the Force. He's a holy man; a shaman, kind of, albeit an evil one. -Well, he's like the pope for the dark side of the Force. He's a holy man; a shaman, kind of, albeit an evil one. I guess. -I guess. Now, he's in charge of the Empire. The Imperial government is under his control. And the entire galaxy is under Imperial rule. -Now, he's in charge of the Empire. The Imperial government is under his control. And the entire galaxy is under Imperial rule. Yeah. -Yeah. Then wouldn't that logically mean that it's a theocracy? If the head of the Empire is a priest of some sort, then it stands to reason that the government is therefore one based on religion. -Then wouldn't that logically mean that it's a theocracy? If the head of the Empire is a priest of some sort, then it stands to reason that the government is therefore one based on religion. It would stand to reason, yes. -It would stand to reason, yes. Hence, the Empire was a fascist theocracy, and the rebel forces were therefore battling religious persecution. -Hence, the Empire was a fascist theocracy, and the rebel forces were therefore battling religious persecution. More or less. -More or less. The only problem is that at no point in the series did I ever hear Leia or any of the rebels declare a particular religious belief. -The only problem is that at no point in the series did I ever hear Leia or any of the rebels declare a particular religious belief. I think they were Catholics. -You know what else I noticed in Jedi? There's more? -There's more? So they build another Death Star, right? -So they build another Death Star, right? Yeah. -Yeah. Now the first one they built was completed and fully operational before the Rebels destroyed it. -Now the first one they built was completed and fully operational before the Rebels destroyed it. Luke blew it up. Give credit where it's due. -Luke blew it up. Give credit where it's due. And the second one was still being built when they blew it up. -And the second one was still being built when they blew it up. Compliments of Lando Calrissian. -Compliments of Lando Calrissian. Something just never sat right with me the second time they destroyed it. I could never put my finger on it-something just wasn't right. -Something just never sat right with me the second time they destroyed it. I could never put my finger on it-something just wasn't right. And you figured it out? -And you figured it out? Well, the thing is, the first Death Star was manned by the Imperial army- storm troopers, dignitaries-the only people onboard were Imperials. -Well, the thing is, the first Death Star was manned by the Imperial army- storm troopers, dignitaries-the only people onboard were Imperials. Basically. -Basically. So when they blew it up, no prob. Evil is punished. -So when they blew it up, no prob. Evil is punished. And the second time around...? -And the second time around...? The second time around, it wasn't even finished yet. They were still under construction. -The second time around, it wasn't even finished yet. They were still under construction. So? -So? A construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I'll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers. -A construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I'll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers. Not just Imperials, is what you're getting at. -Not just Imperials, is what you're getting at. Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms. -Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms. All right, so even if independent contractors are working on the Death Star, why are you uneasy with its destruction? -All right, so even if independent contractors are working on the Death Star, why are you uneasy with its destruction? All those innocent contractors hired to do a job were killed- casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. All right, look-you're a roofer, and some juicy government contract comes your way; you got the wife and kids and the two-story in suburbia-this is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. All of a sudden these left-wing militants blast you with lasers and wipe out everyone within a three-mile radius. You didn't ask for that. You have no personal politics. You're just trying to scrape out a living. -You'll never believe what this unruly customer just said... Wait. -Wait. She's in here? -She's in here? This guy is going through all of the eggs. Look. -What's he looking for? He said he has to find a perfect dozen. -He said he has to find a perfect dozen. Perfect dozen. -Perfect dozen. Each egg has to be perfect. -Each egg has to be perfect. The quest isn't going well? -The quest isn't going well? Obviously not. Look at all the cartons that didn't make the grade. -Why doesn't he just mix and match? I told him that and he yelled at me. -What did he say? He said it was important to have standards. He said nobody has pride anymore. -He said it was important to have standards. He said nobody has pride anymore. It's not like you laid the eggs yourself. -It's not like you laid the eggs yourself. I'll give him five more minutes then I'm calling the cops. I don't need this, man. I'm not even supposed to be here today. -Did you ever notice all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie. You know how much money the average jizz-mopper make per hour? -You know how much money the average jizz-mopper make per hour? What's a jizz-mopper? -What's a jizz-mopper? He's the guy in those nudie-booth joints who cleans up after each guy that jerks off. -He's the guy in those nudie-booth joints who cleans up after each guy that jerks off. Nudie booth? -Nudie booth? Nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth? -Nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth? I guess not. -Oh, it's great. You step into this little booth and there's this window between you and this naked woman, and she puts on this little show for like ten bucks. What kind of show? -What kind of show? Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you'd like to see chicks do. These chicks do it all. They insert things into any opening in their body... any opening. He's led a very sheltered life. -Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you'd like to see chicks do. These chicks do it all. They insert things into any opening in their body... any opening. He's led a very sheltered life. Can we talk about this later? -Can we talk about this later? The jizz-mopper's job is to clean up the booths afterward, because practically everybody shoots a load against the window, and I don't know if you know or not, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away. -Why do you do things like that? You know she's going to come back and tell the boss. Who cares? That lady's an asshole. Everybody that comes in here is way too uptight. This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers. -Who cares? That lady's an asshole. Everybody that comes in here is way too uptight. This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers. I'm gonna hear it tomorrow. -I'm gonna hear it tomorrow. You gotta loosen up, my friend. You'd feel a hell of a lot better if you'd rip into the occasional customer. -You gotta loosen up, my friend. You'd feel a hell of a lot better if you'd rip into the occasional customer. What for? They don't bother me if I don't bother them. -What for? They don't bother me if I don't bother them. Liar! Tell me there aren't customers that annoy the piss out of you on a daily basis. -Liar! Tell me there aren't customers that annoy the piss out of you on a daily basis. There aren't. -There aren't. How can you lie like that? Why don't you vent? Vent your frustration. Come on, who pisses you off? -How can you lie like that? Why don't you vent? Vent your frustration. Come on, who pisses you off? It's not really anyone per se, it's more of separate groupings. -It's not really anyone per se, it's more of separate groupings. Let's hear it. -Let's hear it. The milkmaids. -The milkmaids. The milkmaids? -The women that go through every gallon of milk looking for a later date. As if somewhere-beyond all the other gallons-is a container of milk that won't go bad for like a decade. You know who I can do without? I could do without the people in the video store. -You know who I can do without? I could do without the people in the video store. Which ones? -Which ones? All of them. -No. Why not? -Why not? Because my ex-girlfriend is getting married. -Because my ex-girlfriend is getting married. Jesus, you got a one-track mind. It's always Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin... -Jesus, you got a one-track mind. It's always Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin... Veronica! -Thirty-seven! Shut up! Yes, I've calmed down, I'm still not happy about it, but I've been able to deal. -Can you come next door? I gotta make a phone call. Smokey Three: thumbs up, am I right? -Smokey Three: thumbs up, am I right? The best Burtless movie ever made. -Vermont? Can you believe this?! -Can you believe this?! He didn't mention it when he called you this morning? -He didn't mention it when he called you this morning? Not a fucking word! Slippery shit! -Not a fucking word! Slippery shit! So, what-you're stuck here all day? -So, what-you're stuck here all day? FUCK! -FUCK! Why'd you apologize? -Why'd you apologize? What? -What? I heard you apologize. Why? You have every right in the world to be mad. -I heard you apologize. Why? You have every right in the world to be mad. I know. -I know. That seems to be the leitmotif in your life; ever backing down. -That seems to be the leitmotif in your life; ever backing down. I don't back down. -I don't back down. Yes, you do. You always back down. You assume blame that isn't yours, you come in when called as opposed to enjoying your day off, you buckle like a belt. -Yes, you do. You always back down. You assume blame that isn't yours, you come in when called as opposed to enjoying your day off, you buckle like a belt. You know what pisses me off the most? -You know what pisses me off the most? The fact that I'm right about your buckling? -The fact that I'm right about your buckling? I'm going to miss the game. -I'm going to miss the game. Because you buckled. -Because you buckled. Would you shut the hell up with that shit? It's not helping. -Would you shut the hell up with that shit? It's not helping. Don't yell at me, pal. -Don't yell at me, pal. Sorry. -Sorry. See? There you go again. -See? There you go again. I can't believe I'm going to miss the game! -I can't believe I'm going to miss the game! At least we're stuck here together. -At least we're stuck here together. You've got a customer. -Pull my laces tighter. I've gotta tell you, my friend: this is one of the ballsiest moves I've ever been privy to. I never would have thought you capable of such blatant disregard of store policy. -I've gotta tell you, my friend: this is one of the ballsiest moves I've ever been privy to. I never would have thought you capable of such blatant disregard of store policy. I told him I had a game today. It's his own fault. -I told him I had a game today. It's his own fault. No argument here. Insubordination rules. -No argument here. Insubordination rules. I just want to play hockey like I was scheduled to. -He's blunt, but he's got a point. At least let me maintain some semblance of managerial control here. -Design major. Can we not talk about this? -Are you gonna lock the store? I don't know. You going to lock the video store? -I don't know. You going to lock the video store? Look who you're asking here. How're we gonna block off the street? -Look who you're asking here. How're we gonna block off the street? We're not playing in the street. -We're not playing in the street. Then where're we gonna play? -Helluva game! One ball!! They come all the way here... I close the damn store... for one ball! -One ball!! They come all the way here... I close the damn store... for one ball! Hockey's hockey. At least we got to play. -Hockey's hockey. At least we got to play. Randal, twelve minutes is not a game! Jesus, it's barely a warm-up! -Randal, twelve minutes is not a game! Jesus, it's barely a warm-up! Bitch, bitch, bitch. You want something to drink? -Bitch, bitch, bitch. You want something to drink? Gatorade. -What happened to all the Gatorade? Exactly. They drank it all. -Exactly. They drank it all. After an exhausting game like that I can believe it. -After an exhausting game like that I can believe it. """It's not like we're gonna sell out.""" -You know what Sanford told me? I still can't believe Caitlin's getting married. -I still can't believe Caitlin's getting married. Julie Dwyer died. -Julie Dwyer died. Yeah, right. -Yeah, right. No, I'm serious. -Oh, my god. Sanford's brother dates her cousin. He found out this morning. -Sanford's brother dates her cousin. He found out this morning. How? When? -How? When? Embolism in her brain. Yesterday. -Embolism in her brain. Yesterday. Jesus. -Jesus. She was swimming at the YMCA pool when it happened. Died mid-backstroke. -She was swimming at the YMCA pool when it happened. Died mid-backstroke. I haven't seen her in almost two years. -I haven't seen her in almost two years. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't she one of the illustrious twelve? -Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't she one of the illustrious twelve? Number six. -Number six. You've had sex with a dead person. -You've had sex with a dead person. I'm gonna go to her wake. -I'm gonna go to her wake. No, you're not. -No, you're not. Why not? -Why not? It's today. -It's today. What!? -What!? Paulsen's Funeral Parlor. The next show is at four. -Paulsen's Funeral Parlor. The next show is at four. Shit. What about tomorrow? -Shit. What about tomorrow? One night only. She's buried in the morning. -One night only. She's buried in the morning. You've gotta watch the store. I have to go to this. -You've gotta watch the store. I have to go to this. Wait, wait, wait. Has it occurred to you that I might bereaved as well? -Wait, wait, wait. Has it occurred to you that I might bereaved as well? You hardly knew her! -You hardly knew her! True, but do you know how many people are going to be there? All of our old classmates, to say the least. -True, but do you know how many people are going to be there? All of our old classmates, to say the least. Stop it. This is beneath even you. -Stop it. This is beneath even you. I'm not missing what's probably going to be the social event of the season. -I'm not missing what's probably going to be the social event of the season. You hate people. -You hate people. But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic? -But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic? Don't be an asshole. Somebody has to stay with the store. -Don't be an asshole. Somebody has to stay with the store. If you go, I go. -If you go, I go. She meant nothing to you! -She meant nothing to you! She meant nothing to you either until I told you she died. -She meant nothing to you either until I told you she died. I'm not taking you to this funeral. -I'm not taking you to this funeral. I'm going with you. -I'm going with you. I can't close the store. -I can't close the store. You just closed the store to play hockey on the roof! -You just closed the store to play hockey on the roof! Exactly, which means I can't close it for another hour so we can both go to a wake. -You were saying? Thanks for putting me in a tough spot. You're a good friend. -She was pretty young, hunhh? Twenty-two; same as us. -Twenty-two; same as us. An embolism in a pool. -An embolism in a pool. An embarrassing way to die. -An embarrassing way to die. That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died. -That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died. How'd he die? -How'd he die? Broke his neck. -Broke his neck. That's embarrassing? -That's embarrassing? He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick. -Shut the hell up. Bible truth. -Bible truth. Stop it. -Stop it. I swear. -I swear. Oh, my god. -Oh, my god. Come on. Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick? -Come on. Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick? No! -No! Yeah sure. You're so repressed. -Yeah sure. You're so repressed. Because I never tried to suck my own dick? -Because I never tried to suck my own dick? No, because you won't admit to it. As if a guy's a fucking pervert because he tries to go down on himself. You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it. -No, because you won't admit to it. As if a guy's a fucking pervert because he tries to go down on himself. You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it. Who found him? -Who found him? My cousin? My aunt found him. On his bed, doubled over himself with his legs on top. Dick in his mouth. My aunt freaked out. It was a mess. -My cousin? My aunt found him. On his bed, doubled over himself with his legs on top. Dick in his mouth. My aunt freaked out. It was a mess. His dick was in his mouth? -His dick was in his mouth? Balls resting on his lips. -Balls resting on his lips. He made it, hunhh? -He made it, hunhh? Yeah, but at what a price. -I could never reach. Reach what? -Reach what? You know. -You know. What, your dick? -What, your dick? Yeah. Like you said, you know. I guess everyone tries it, sooner of later. -Yeah. Like you said, you know. I guess everyone tries it, sooner of later. I never tried it. -I know it was a bad idea to close the store. Listen to you. -Listen to you. I can't help it. At least when we were playing hockey outside, I could see if anyone wanted to go in. -I can't help it. At least when we were playing hockey outside, I could see if anyone wanted to go in. Nobody's there. It's four o'clock on a Saturday. How many people ever come to the store at four on a Saturday? -I can't fucking believe you!! I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault! -I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault! You knocked the fucking casket over, for Chrissakes! -You knocked the fucking casket over, for Chrissakes! I was just leaning on it! It was an accident! -I was just leaning on it! It was an accident! Does anyone ever knock over a casket on purpose? -Does anyone ever knock over a casket on purpose? So the casket fell over! Big deal! -So the casket fell over! Big deal! Her fucking body fell out! -Her fucking body fell out! So they'll put her back in! It's not like it's gonna matter if she breaks something! -So they'll put her back in! It's not like it's gonna matter if she breaks something! Just... go! Go open the video store. -Let me borrow your car. I don't want to talk to you. -I don't want to talk to you. Fine. Just lend me your car. -Fine. Just lend me your car. Why should I loan you my car? -Why should I loan you my car? I want to rent a movie. -I want to rent a movie. You want to rent a movie. -What's that for? You work in a video store! -Can you imagine being halfway decent to the customers at least some of the time? Let me borrow your car. -Let me borrow your car. May I be blunt with you? -May I be blunt with you? If you must. -If you must. We are employees of Quick Stop Convenience and RST video, respectively. As such, we have certain responsibilities which-though it may seem cruel and unusual-does include manning our posts until closing. -We are employees of Quick Stop Convenience and RST video, respectively. As such, we have certain responsibilities which-though it may seem cruel and unusual-does include manning our posts until closing. I see. So playing hockey and attending wakes-these practices are standard operating procedure. -I see. So playing hockey and attending wakes-these practices are standard operating procedure. There's a difference. Those were obligations. Obligations that could not have been met at any later date. Now renting videos-that's just gratuitous, not to mention illogical, considering you work in a video store. -You know what? I don't think I care for your rationale. It's going to have to do for now, considering that it's my car that's up for request. Can I help you? -So your argument is that title dictates behavior? What? -What? The reasons you won't let me borrow your car is because I have a title and a job description, and I'm supposed to follow it, right? -The reasons you won't let me borrow your car is because I have a title and a job description, and I'm supposed to follow it, right? Exactly. -That's stretching it. You're not being asked to slay children or anything. Not yet. -What the fuck did you do that for? Two reasons: one, I hate when the people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines. -Two reasons: one, I hate when the people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines. Jesus! -Jesus! And two, to make a point: title does not dictate behavior. -And two, to make a point: title does not dictate behavior. What? -What? If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn't be allowed to spit a mouthful of water at that guy. But I did, so my point is that people dictate their own behavior. Hence, even though I'm a clerk in this video store, I choose to go rent videos at Big Choice. Agreed? -If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn't be allowed to spit a mouthful of water at that guy. But I did, so my point is that people dictate their own behavior. Hence, even though I'm a clerk in this video store, I choose to go rent videos at Big Choice. Agreed? You're a danger to both the dead and the living. -You're a danger to both the dead and the living. I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny. -I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny. Please, get the hell out of here. -Please, get the hell out of here. I know I'm your hero. -Get to work. What'd you rent? Best of Both Worlds? -What'd you rent? Best of Both Worlds? Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box: Beautiful women with dicks that put mine to shame. -Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box: Beautiful women with dicks that put mine to shame. And this is what you rented? -And this is what you rented? I like to expand my horizons. -I like to expand my horizons. I got fined for selling cigarettes to a minor. -I got fined for selling cigarettes to a minor. No way! -No way! Five hundred dollars. -Five hundred dollars. You're bullshitting. -I didn't think they even enforced this. Living proof. -Living proof. I thought you never sold cigarettes to kids. -I thought you never sold cigarettes to kids. I don't; you did. -I don't; you did. Really? -Really? Little girl. Maybe five years old? -Little girl. Maybe five years old? Holy shit. That girl? -Holy shit. That girl? As opposed to the hundreds of other children you let buy cigarettes whenever you work here. -As opposed to the hundreds of other children you let buy cigarettes whenever you work here. Then how come you got the fine? -Then how come you got the fine? Because I'm here. -Because I'm here. You're lying. -You're lying. I swear. I couldn't make this kind of hell up. -I swear. I couldn't make this kind of hell up. Then why aren't you like screaming at me right now? -Then why aren't you like screaming at me right now? Because I'm happy. -Because I'm happy. You're happy? -You're happy? I'm happy. -I'm happy. You're happy to get a fine? -You're happy to get a fine? No. I'm happy because Caitlin came to see me. -No. I'm happy because Caitlin came to see me. Now I know you're lying. -Now I know you're lying. I'm not. She just left. -I'm not. She just left. What did she say? -What did she say? She's not going to marry that guy. She went home to tell her mother. -She's not going to marry that guy. She went home to tell her mother. You're kidding. -You're kidding. I'm not. -I'm not. Wow. You've had quite an evening. -Wow. You've had quite an evening. She went home, she's getting ready, and we're going out. -She went home, she's getting ready, and we're going out. I feel so ineffectual. Is there anything I can do for you? -I feel so ineffectual. Is there anything I can do for you? Watch the store while I go home and change. -Watch the store while I go home and change. What happened to title dictates behavior? -What happened to title dictates behavior? This is my way of spitting water at life. -This is my way of spitting water at life. Hey, what about Veronica? -Hey, what about Veronica? No! Don't bring it up. I don't want to think about that now. Let me enjoy this hour of bliss. I'll think about all of that later. In the meantime, nobody mentions the V word. -No! Don't bring it up. I don't want to think about that now. Let me enjoy this hour of bliss. I'll think about all of that later. In the meantime, nobody mentions the V word. You're a snake. -You're a snake. In my absence, try not to sell cigarettes to any newborns. -In my absence, try not to sell cigarettes to any newborns. You want me to bring the VCR over here so we can watch this? -You want me to bring the VCR over here so we can watch this? I might be leaving early to go out with Caitlin, in which case you'll have to close the store tonight. -I might be leaving early to go out with Caitlin, in which case you'll have to close the store tonight. All right, but you're missing out. Chicks with dicks. -All right, but you're missing out. Chicks with dicks. I'll read the book. -Who eats cock? Bunch of savages in this town. Hey, Caitlin's in the back. You might want to see if she's okay; she's been back there a long time. -Bunch of savages in this town. Hey, Caitlin's in the back. You might want to see if she's okay; she's been back there a long time. There's no lights back there. -There's no lights back there. I told her that. She said she didn't need any. Why don't you join her, man. Make a little bathroom bam-bam. -I told her that. She said she didn't need any. Why don't you join her, man. Make a little bathroom bam-bam. I love your sexy talk. It's so... kindergarten: Poo-poo; wee-wee. -I love your sexy talk. It's so... kindergarten: Poo-poo; wee-wee. Fuck you. -Maybe the Asian design major slipped her some opium? Could be. -You just fucked a total stranger? Shut the fuck up! -She said she did all the work. WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP? WHO THE FUCK IS IN THE BATHROOM? -Around three or something. What time did we go to the funeral? -What time did we go to the funeral? I think four. -What? What's with you? You haven't said anything for like twenty minutes. What the hell is your problem? This life. -This life. This life? -This life? Why do I have this life? -Why do I have this life? Have some chips; you'll feel better. -Have some chips; you'll feel better. I'm stuck in this pit, earning less than slave wages, working on my day off, dealing with every backward fuck on the planet, the goddamn steel shutters are locked all day, I smell like shoe polish, I've got an ex- girlfriend who's catatonic after fucking a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks. -I'm stuck in this pit, earning less than slave wages, working on my day off, dealing with every backward fuck on the planet, the goddamn steel shutters are locked all day, I smell like shoe polish, I've got an ex- girlfriend who's catatonic after fucking a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks. Thirty-seven. -Thirty-seven. My life is in the shitter right about now, so if you don't mind, I'd like to stew a bit. -That's all bullshit. You know what the real problem here is? I was born. -You should shit or get off the pot. I should shit or get off the pot. -I should shit or get off the pot. Yeah, you should shit or get off the pot. -Yeah, you should shit or get off the pot. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I'm talking about this thing you have... this inability to improve your situation in life. -I'm talking about this thing you have... this inability to improve your situation in life. Fuck you. -Fuck you. It's true. You'll sit there and blame life for dealing a cruddy hand, never once accepting the responsibility for the way your situation is. -It's true. You'll sit there and blame life for dealing a cruddy hand, never once accepting the responsibility for the way your situation is. What responsibility? -What responsibility? All right, if you hate this job and the people, and the fact that you have to come in on your day off, then quit. -All right, if you hate this job and the people, and the fact that you have to come in on your day off, then quit. As if it's that easy. -As if it's that easy. It is. You just up and quit. There are other jobs, and they pay better money. You're bound to be qualified for at least one of them. So what's stopping you? -It is. You just up and quit. There are other jobs, and they pay better money. You're bound to be qualified for at least one of them. So what's stopping you? Leave me alone. -Leave me alone. You're comfortable. This is a life of convenience for you, and any attempt to change it would shatter the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself. -You're comfortable. This is a life of convenience for you, and any attempt to change it would shatter the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself. Oh, like your life's any better? -Oh, like your life's any better? I'm satisfied with my situation for now. You don't hear me bitching. You, on the other hand, have been bitching all day. -I'm satisfied with my situation for now. You don't hear me bitching. You, on the other hand, have been bitching all day. Thank you. Why don't you go back to the video store? -Thank you. Why don't you go back to the video store? It's the same thing with Veronica. -It's the same thing with Veronica. Leave her out of this. -Leave her out of this. You date Veronica because she's low maintenance and because it's convenient. Meanwhile, all you ever do is talk about Caitlin. You carry a torch for a girl you dated in high school-in high school for God's sake! You're twenty-two! -You date Veronica because she's low maintenance and because it's convenient. Meanwhile, all you ever do is talk about Caitlin. You carry a torch for a girl you dated in high school-in high school for God's sake! You're twenty-two! Leave me alone. -Leave me alone. If you want Caitlin, then face Veronica, tell her, and be with Caitlin. If you want Veronica, be with Veronica. But don't pine for one and fuck the other. Man, if you weren't such a fucking coward... -If you want Caitlin, then face Veronica, tell her, and be with Caitlin. If you want Veronica, be with Veronica. But don't pine for one and fuck the other. Man, if you weren't such a fucking coward... ...If I wasn't such a fucking coward. It must be so great to be able to simplify everything the way you do. -...If I wasn't such a fucking coward. It must be so great to be able to simplify everything the way you do. Am I right or what? -Am I right or what? You're wrong. Things happened today, okay? Things that probably ruined my chances with Caitlin. -You're wrong. Things happened today, okay? Things that probably ruined my chances with Caitlin. What? The dead guy? She'll get over fucking the dead guy. Shit, my mom's been fucking a dead guy for thirty years; I call him Dad. -What? The dead guy? She'll get over fucking the dead guy. Shit, my mom's been fucking a dead guy for thirty years; I call him Dad. Caitlin and I can't be together. It's impossible. -Caitlin and I can't be together. It's impossible. Melodrama coming from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement. -Melodrama coming from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement. What do you want me to say? Yes, I suppose some of the things you're saying may be true. But that's the way things are; it's not going to change. -What do you want me to say? Yes, I suppose some of the things you're saying may be true. But that's the way things are; it's not going to change. Make them change. -Make them change. I can't, all right! Jesus, would you leave me alone? I can't make changes like that in my life. If I could, I would-but I don't have the ability to risk comfortable situations on the big money and the fabulous prizes. -I can't, all right! Jesus, would you leave me alone? I can't make changes like that in my life. If I could, I would-but I don't have the ability to risk comfortable situations on the big money and the fabulous prizes. Who're you kidding? You can so. -Who're you kidding? You can so. Jesus H. Christ, I can't! -Jesus H. Christ, I can't! So you'll continue being miserable all the time, just because you don't have the guts to face change? -So you'll continue being miserable all the time, just because you don't have the guts to face change? My mother told me once that when I as three, my potty lid was closed, and instead of lifting it, I chose to shit my pants. -My mother told me once that when I as three, my potty lid was closed, and instead of lifting it, I chose to shit my pants. Lovely story. -Lovely story. Point is-I'm not the kind of person that disrupts things in order to shit comfortably. -How's your eye? The swelling's not so bad. But the FDS stings. How's your neck? -The swelling's not so bad. But the FDS stings. How's your neck? It's hard to swallow. -You didn't have to choke me. Why the fuck did you tell Veronica that I was going to dump her for Caitlin? -Why the fuck did you tell Veronica that I was going to dump her for Caitlin? I thought I was doing you a favor. -I thought I was doing you a favor. Thanks. -Thanks. You were saying how you couldn't initiate change yourself, so I figured I'd help you out. -You were saying how you couldn't initiate change yourself, so I figured I'd help you out. Jesus. -You still didn't have to choke me. Oh please! I'm surprised I didn't kill you. -Oh please! I'm surprised I didn't kill you. Why do you say that? -Why do you say that? Why do I say that? Randal... forget it. -Why do I say that? Randal... forget it. No, really. What did I do that was so wrong? -No, really. What did I do that was so wrong? What don't you do? Randal, sometimes it seems like the only reason you come to work is to make my life miserable. -What don't you do? Randal, sometimes it seems like the only reason you come to work is to make my life miserable. How do you figure? -How do you figure? What time did you get to work today? -What time did you get to work today? Like ten after. -Like ten after. You were over half an hour late. Then all you do is come over here. -You were over half an hour late. Then all you do is come over here. To talk to you. -To talk to you. Which means the video store is ostensibly closed. -Which means the video store is ostensibly closed. It's not like I'm miles away. -It's not like I'm miles away. Unless you're out renting videos at other video stores. -Unless you're out renting videos at other video stores. Hermaphrodites! I rented it so we could watch it together! -Hermaphrodites! I rented it so we could watch it together! You get my slapped with a fine, you fight with the customers and I have to patch everything up. You get us chased out of a funeral by violating a corpse. To top it all off, you ruin my relationship. What's your encore? Do you anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank? You know what the real tragedy is? I'm not even supposed to be here today! -You get my slapped with a fine, you fight with the customers and I have to patch everything up. You get us chased out of a funeral by violating a corpse. To top it all off, you ruin my relationship. What's your encore? Do you anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank? You know what the real tragedy is? I'm not even supposed to be here today! "Fuck you. Fuck you, pal. Listen to you trying to pass the buck again. I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to attend a wake? Who tried to win back an ex- girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one? You wanna blame somebody, blame yourself. ""I'm not even supposed to be here today."" You sound like an asshole. Whose choice was it to be here today? Nobody twisted your arm. You're here today of your own violation, my friend. But you'd like to believe that the weight of the world rests on your shoulders-that the store would crumble if Dante wasn't here. Well, I got news for you, jerk: This store would survive without you. Without me either. All you do is overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job: You push fucking buttons. Any moron can waltz in here and do our jobs, but you're obsessed with making it seem so much more fucking important, so much more epic than it really is. You work in a convenience store, Dante. And badly, I might add. And I work in a shitty video store. Badly, as well. You know, that guy Jay's got it right- he has no delusions about what he does. Us? We like to make ourselves seem so much better than the people that come in here, just looking to pick up a paper or-God forbid- cigarettes. We look down on them, as it we're so advanced. Well, if we're so fucking advanced, then what are we doing working here?" -I threw out the stuff that got broken. The floor looks clean. You need a ride? -You need a ride? Got one. Just pulled up. -Do you work tomorrow? Same time. What about you? -Same time. What about you? I'm calling out. Going to hit the hospital-see how Caitlin is. Then try to see Veronica. -I'm calling out. Going to hit the hospital-see how Caitlin is. Then try to see Veronica. You wanna grab something to eat tomorrow night... after I get out of here? -You wanna grab something to eat tomorrow night... after I get out of here? I'll call you. Let you know. -I'll call you. Let you know. All right. Good luck with Veronica. If you want, I can talk to her, you know, and explain... -All right. Good luck with Veronica. If you want, I can talk to her, you know, and explain... No thanks. I'll take care of it. We've got a lot of shit to talk about. -No thanks. I'll take care of it. We've got a lot of shit to talk about. Helluva day. -Helluva day. To say the least. -To say the least. Do you need a hug or something? 'Cause I would have no hang-ups about hugging you... you know, you being a guy and all. Just don't knead my ass when you do it. -Do you need a hug or something? 'Cause I would have no hang-ups about hugging you... you know, you being a guy and all. Just don't knead my ass when you do it. Get the fuck outta here already. -Get the fuck outta here already. I'm gone. I'll talk to you tomorrow. -Are you open? Yes. -Yes. Just the paper. -Just the paper. Thirty-fire. -I'd say about sixty, seventy-tops. I know I can bench more than that! -He's got those love handles. I don't have love handles. -Do I know you? You remember Alyssa Jones? She hung out with... -You remember Alyssa Jones? She hung out with... Caitlin Bree. Yeah? -Caitlin Bree. Yeah? I'm her sister. -I'm her sister. You're Alyssa's sister? Heather? -You're Alyssa's sister? Heather? Yep. I remember you got caught in my parents' room with Caitlin once. -You know him? Caitlin used to talk about him all the time. -I still remember Caitlin telling us about that time you two went to that motel-the one with the mirrors and the hot tub in the room. THE GLADES MOTEL? -I'm surprised you never found out about it, Dante. Everybody in school knew-even in my class. Jesus Christ, what next? -Sounds to me like somebody needs to hit the gym. Excuse me? -Excuse me? I heard you strain when you put the milk in the bag. That milk only weighs about seven pounds. -I heard you strain when you put the milk in the bag. That milk only weighs about seven pounds. I didn't strain. I sighed. -I didn't strain. I sighed. I don't think so. That was a grunt; a deep inhalation of oxygen to aid in the stretching of muscles. I'm a trainer. I know what that sound signifies: you're out of shape. -I don't think so. That was a grunt; a deep inhalation of oxygen to aid in the stretching of muscles. I'm a trainer. I know what that sound signifies: you're out of shape. I don't think so. -I don't think so. Oh, I do. You made the same noise when you reached across the counter for my cash. Your muscles are thin and sadly underutilized. -Oh, I do. You made the same noise when you reached across the counter for my cash. Your muscles are thin and sadly underutilized. They are not. -They are not. Yes, they are. You're out of shape. -Yes, they are. You're out of shape. What are you talking about? There's no fat on this body. -What are you talking about? There's no fat on this body. No fat, but no tone either. You don't get enough exercise. -I am not. How much can you bench? -How much can you bench? I don't know. -Oh for God's sake! See? You're ashamed. You know you're out of shape. Take my card. I can help you tone that body up in no time. Get you on an aerobics and free-weights program. -Did you say Caitlin Bree? Yeah. -Yeah. Pretty girl, about this girl's height- dark hair-gorgeous body? -Pretty girl, about this girl's height- dark hair-gorgeous body? Yeah? -Yeah? And your name is Dante Hicks? You went to high school with her? You played hockey? -And your name is Dante Hicks? You went to high school with her? You played hockey? How do you know that? -How do you know that? Oh man! Hey, you still going out with her? -Oh man! Hey, you still going out with her? No, she's getting married. -No, she's getting married. To you? -What? While you two were dating in high school. We're talking four, five years ago, back when I drove a Trans- Am. -Wait a second! You used to sleep with Caitlin Bree? While I was dating her? All the time. That girl was like a rabbit. -All the time. That girl was like a rabbit. I... I don't believe this... -What? When? When did all this shit happen? Hey man, that was a long time ago. Don't let it get to you. -But I didn't sell cigarettes to any kids! Hey! Forget it. I don't want to deal with a guy that sells cigarettes to a five-year-old. Can I offer you a ride somewhere? -Are there any balls down there?! 'Bout the biggest pair you ever seen! NYNNE!! -Go open the video store. Yeah, you cock-smoking clerk. -Yeah, you cock-smoking clerk. How many times I gotta tell you not to deal outside the store. -How many times I gotta tell you not to deal outside the store. I'm not dealing. -Noinch, noinch, noinch-smoking weed, smoking weed! Doing coke! Drinking beers! A pack of wraps, my good man. It's time to kick back, drink some beers, and smoke some weed! Done poisoning the youth for the day? -Done poisoning the youth for the day? Hell yes, whatever that means. Now I'm gonna head over to Atlantic, drink some beers, get ripped, and- please God-get laid. E-Z Wider, one-and-a-halfs. -Hell yes, whatever that means. Now I'm gonna head over to Atlantic, drink some beers, get ripped, and- please God-get laid. E-Z Wider, one-and-a-halfs. One seventy-nine. -One seventy-nine. Pay the good man. Don't you close soon? -Pay the good man. Don't you close soon? A half hour. -A half hour. We get off about the same time every night. We should hang out. You get high? -We get off about the same time every night. We should hang out. You get high? I should start. -I should start. Wanna come to this party tonight? There's gonna be some pussy there, man! -Wanna come to this party tonight? There's gonna be some pussy there, man! With you? I don't think so. -With you? I don't think so. "Listen to you. Oh shit. ""Oh, I don't hang out with drug dealers.""" -"Listen to you. Oh shit. ""Oh, I don't hang out with drug dealers.""" Nothing personal. -I work, just like you. You're more of a crook than I am, dude. How do you figure... HEY! You can't roll a joint in here! -How do you figure... HEY! You can't roll a joint in here! Relax brother. What I mean is that you sell the stuff in this store at the highest prices around. A dollar seventy-nine for wraps-what's that shit? -Relax brother. What I mean is that you sell the stuff in this store at the highest prices around. A dollar seventy-nine for wraps-what's that shit? It's not my store. -It's not my store. And these aren't my drugs-I just sell them. -And these aren't my drugs-I just sell them. The difference is you exploit a weakness. -The difference is you exploit a weakness. What's that mean? -What's that mean? You sell to people that can't stay away from an addiction. -You sell to people that can't stay away from an addiction. All right. How much is Pepsi here? -All right. How much is Pepsi here? A dollar sixty-nine, plus tax. -A dollar sixty-nine, plus tax. At Food City it's ninety-nine cents, plus tax. -At Food City it's ninety-nine cents, plus tax. So. -So. "So why do you sell it for so much more? I'll tell you why-because people come here and they're like ""A dollar eighty for soda? I should get it at Food City. But I don't feel like driving there. I'll just buy it here so I don't have to drive up there."" That's exploiting a weakness, too, isn't it?" -"So why do you sell it for so much more? I'll tell you why-because people come here and they're like ""A dollar eighty for soda? I should get it at Food City. But I don't feel like driving there. I'll just buy it here so I don't have to drive up there."" That's exploiting a weakness, too, isn't it?" I can't believe you just rolled a joint in here. -I can't believe you just rolled a joint in here. Hey, man, what happened with that old guy? -Hey, man, what happened with that old guy? He died in the bathroom. -He died in the bathroom. That's fucked up. Yo, I heard he was jerkin' off. -That's fucked up. Yo, I heard he was jerkin' off. I don't know. I wasn't watching. -I don't know. I wasn't watching. Probably saw that Caitlin chick. I know I felt like beatin' it when I saw her. Come here, bitch! You like this? Is this what you want? Hunhh? -Probably saw that Caitlin chick. I know I felt like beatin' it when I saw her. Come here, bitch! You like this? Is this what you want? Hunhh? Knock it off. That used to be my girlfriend. -Knock it off. That used to be my girlfriend. You used to go out with her? -You used to go out with her? We were going to start again, I think. -We were going to start again, I think. Don't you already have a girlfriend? -Don't you already have a girlfriend? Veronica. -Veronica. Is she that girl who's down here all the time? She came here today carrying a plate of food. -Is she that girl who's down here all the time? She came here today carrying a plate of food. Lasagne. -Lasagne. And what-you were gonna dump her to date that Caitlin chick? -And what-you were gonna dump her to date that Caitlin chick? Maybe. -Maybe. I don't know dude. That Caitlin chick's nice. But I see that Veronica girl doing shit for you all the time. She brings you food, she rubs your back... Didn't I see her change your tire one day? -I don't know dude. That Caitlin chick's nice. But I see that Veronica girl doing shit for you all the time. She brings you food, she rubs your back... Didn't I see her change your tire one day? I jacked the car up. All she did was loosen the nuts and put the tire on. -I jacked the car up. All she did was loosen the nuts and put the tire on. Damn. She sure goes out of her way. -Damn. She sure goes out of her way. She's my girlfriend. -She's my girlfriend. "I've had girlfriends, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit. Shit, my grandma used to say, ""Which is better: a good plate with nothing on it..."" No, wait. I fucked up. She said ""What's a good-looking plate with nothing on it?""" -"I've had girlfriends, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit. Shit, my grandma used to say, ""Which is better: a good plate with nothing on it..."" No, wait. I fucked up. She said ""What's a good-looking plate with nothing on it?""" Meaning? -Meaning? I don't know. She was senile and shit. Used to piss herself all the time. C'mon Silent Bob. -It's not like it's a demanding job. I'd like to get paid to sit on my ass and watch TV. The other day I walked in there and that sonofabitch was sleeping. I'm sure he wasn't sleeping. -I'm sure he wasn't sleeping. You calling me a liar? -You calling me a liar? No; he was probably just resting his eyes. -No; he was probably just resting his eyes. What the hell is that? Resting his eyes! It's not like he's some goddamned air traffic controller! -What the hell is that? Resting his eyes! It's not like he's some goddamned air traffic controller! Actually, that's his night job. -Actually, that's his night job. Such a wiseass. But go ahead. Crack wise. That's why you're jockeying a register in some fucking local convenience store instead of doing an honest day's work. I got no more time to bullshit around waiting for that sonofabitch. You make sure this gets back. The number's eight-twelve-Wynarski. And I wanted to get a damn movie, too. -Such a wiseass. But go ahead. Crack wise. That's why you're jockeying a register in some fucking local convenience store instead of doing an honest day's work. I got no more time to bullshit around waiting for that sonofabitch. You make sure this gets back. The number's eight-twelve-Wynarski. And I wanted to get a damn movie, too. If you'll just tell me the title of your rental choice, I'll have him hold it for you. -If you'll just tell me the title of your rental choice, I'll have him hold it for you. Don't hurt yourself. I'm going to Big Choice Video instead. -Be careful. I'm trying. -I'm trying. You know the insides of those are filled with stuff that gives you cancer. -You know the insides of those are filled with stuff that gives you cancer. So I'm told. -So I'm told. I had a friend that used to chew glass for a living. In the circus. -And he got cancer by chewing fluorescent bulb glass...? No, he got hit by a bus. -No, he got hit by a bus. Oh... Can I help you? -Oh... Can I help you? Well, that depends. Do you have a bathroom? -Well, that depends. Do you have a bathroom? Um... yeah, but it's for employees only. -Um... yeah, but it's for employees only. I understand, but can I use it. I'm not that young anymore, so I'm kind of... you know... incontinent. -I understand, but can I use it. I'm not that young anymore, so I'm kind of... you know... incontinent. Uh... sure. Go ahead. It's back through the cooler. -Uh... sure. Go ahead. It's back through the cooler. Thanks son. Say-what kind of toilet paper you got back there? -Thanks son. Say-what kind of toilet paper you got back there? The white kind. -The white kind. I'm not asking about the color. I mean is it rough or cottony? -I'm not asking about the color. I mean is it rough or cottony? Actually, it is kind of rough. -Actually, it is kind of rough. Rough, eh? Oh, that stuff rips hell out of my hemorrhoids. Say, would you mind if I took a roll of the soft stuff back there. I see you sell the soft stuff. -Rough, eh? Oh, that stuff rips hell out of my hemorrhoids. Say, would you mind if I took a roll of the soft stuff back there. I see you sell the soft stuff. Yeah, but... -Yeah, but... Aw, c'mon boy. What's the difference? You said yourself the stuff that's there now is rough. -Aw, c'mon boy. What's the difference? You said yourself the stuff that's there now is rough. Yeah, okay. Go ahead. -Yeah, okay. Go ahead. Thanks son, you're a lifesaver. -Say, young fella, you know I hate to bother you again, but can I take a paper or something back there... to read? It usually takes me a while, and I like to read while it's going on. Jesus... go ahead. -Jesus... go ahead. Thanks, young man. You've got a heart of gold. -You know, you probably could've been home, already, in the time it's taken you to get in there. Can I trouble you for one of those magazines? -Can I trouble you for one of those magazines? I said go ahead. -I said go ahead. No, I mean the ones there. Behind the counter. -The porno mags? Yeah. I like the cartoons. They make me laugh. They draw the biggest titties. -Yeah. I like the cartoons. They make me laugh. They draw the biggest titties. Here. Now leave me alone. -Here. Now leave me alone. Uh, can I have the other one. The one below this one. They show more in that one. -All right, stupid question. But don't you think you're taking this a bit too hard? Too hard?! I don't have enough indignities in my life-people start throwing cigarettes at me! -Too hard?! I don't have enough indignities in my life-people start throwing cigarettes at me! At least they weren't lit. -At least they weren't lit. I hate this fucking place. -I hate this fucking place. Then quit. You should be going to school anyway... -Then quit. You should be going to school anyway... Please, Veronica. Last thing I need is a lecture at this point. -Please, Veronica. Last thing I need is a lecture at this point. All I'm saying is that if you're unhappy you should leave. -All I'm saying is that if you're unhappy you should leave. I'm not even supposed to be here today! -I'm not even supposed to be here today! I know. I stopped by your house and your mom said you left at like six or something. -I know. I stopped by your house and your mom said you left at like six or something. The guy got sick and couldn't come in. -The guy got sick and couldn't come in. Don't you have a hockey game at two? -Don't you have a hockey game at two? Yes! And I'm going to play like shit because I didn't get a good night's sleep! -Yes! And I'm going to play like shit because I didn't get a good night's sleep! Why did you agree to come in then? -Why did you agree to come in then? I'm only here until twelve, then I'm gone. The boss is coming in. -I'm only here until twelve, then I'm gone. The boss is coming in. Why don't you open the shutters and get some sunlight in here? -Why don't you open the shutters and get some sunlight in here? Somebody jammed the locks with gum. -Somebody jammed the locks with gum. You're kidding. -You're kidding. Bunch of savages in this town. -Bunch of savages in this town. You look bushed. What time did you get to bed? -You look bushed. What time did you get to bed? I don't know-like two-thirty, three. -I don't know-like two-thirty, three. What were you doing up so late? -What were you doing up so late? Hunhh? Nothing. -Hunhh? Nothing. What were you doing? -What were you doing? Nothing! Jesus! I gotta fight with you now? -Nothing! Jesus! I gotta fight with you now? Who's fighting? Why are you so defensive? -Who's fighting? Why are you so defensive? Who's defensive? Just... Would you just hug me?! All right? Your boyfriend was accosted by an angry mob, and he needs to be hugged. -What? What is that? She called you, didn't she? -She called you, didn't she? Oh, be real! Would you... Would you please hug me? I just went through a very traumatic experience and I haven't been having the best day so far. Now come on. -How much money did you leave up there? Like three dollars in mixed change and a couple of singles. People only get the paper of coffee this time of morning. -Like three dollars in mixed change and a couple of singles. People only get the paper of coffee this time of morning. You're trusting. -You're trusting. Why do you say that? -Why do you say that? How do you know they're taking the right amount of change? Or even paying for what they take? -How do you know they're taking the right amount of change? Or even paying for what they take? Theoretically, people see money on the counter and nobody around, they think they're being watched. -Theoretically, people see money on the counter and nobody around, they think they're being watched. Honesty through paranoia. Why do you smell like shoe polish? -Honesty through paranoia. Why do you smell like shoe polish? I had to use shoe polish to make that sign. The smell won't come off. -I had to use shoe polish to make that sign. The smell won't come off. Do you think anyone can see us down here? -Do you think anyone can see us down here? Why? You wanna have sex or something? -Why? You wanna have sex or something? Ooh! Can we?! -Ooh! Can we?! Really? -Really? I was kidding. -I was kidding. Yeah, right. You can't get enough of me. -Yeah, right. You can't get enough of me. Typically male point of view. -Typically male point of view. How do you figure? -How do you figure? You show some bedroom proficiency, and you think you're gods. What about what we do for you? -You show some bedroom proficiency, and you think you're gods. What about what we do for you? Women? Women, as lovers, are all basically the same: they just have to be there. -Women? Women, as lovers, are all basically the same: they just have to be there. """Be there?""" -"""Be there?""" Making a male climax is not all that challenging: insert somewhere close and preferably moist; thrust; repeat. -Making a male climax is not all that challenging: insert somewhere close and preferably moist; thrust; repeat. How flattering. -How flattering. Now, making a woman cum... therein lies a challenge. -Now, making a woman cum... therein lies a challenge. Oh, you think so? -Oh, you think so? A girl makes a guy cum, it's standard. A guy makes a girl cum, it's talent. -A girl makes a guy cum, it's standard. A guy makes a girl cum, it's talent. And I actually date you? -And I actually date you? Something wrong? -Something wrong? "I'm insulted. Believe me, Don Juan, it takes more than that to get a guy off. Just ""being there""-as you put it-is not enough." -"I'm insulted. Believe me, Don Juan, it takes more than that to get a guy off. Just ""being there""-as you put it-is not enough." I touched a nerve. -I touched a nerve. I'm astonished to hear you trivialize my role in our sex life. -I'm astonished to hear you trivialize my role in our sex life. It wasn't directed at you. I was making a broad generalization. -It wasn't directed at you. I was making a broad generalization. "You were making a generalization about ""broads!""" -"You were making a generalization about ""broads!""" These are my opinions based on my experiences with the few women who were good enough to sleep with me. -These are my opinions based on my experiences with the few women who were good enough to sleep with me. How many? -How many? How many what? -How many what? How many girls have you slept with? -How many girls have you slept with? How many different girls? Didn't we already have this discussion once? -How many different girls? Didn't we already have this discussion once? We might have; I don't remember. How many? -We might have; I don't remember. How many? Including you? -Including you? It better be up to and including me. -It better be up to and including me. Twelve. -Twelve. You've slept with twelve different girls? -You've slept with twelve different girls? Including you; yes. -What the hell was that for? You're a pig. -You're a pig. Why'd you hit me? -Why'd you hit me? Do you know how many different men I've had sex with? -Do you know how many different men I've had sex with? Do I get to hit you after you tell me? -Do I get to hit you after you tell me? Three. -Three. Three? -Three? Three including you. -Three including you. You've only had sex with three different people? -You've only had sex with three different people? I'm not the pig you are. -I'm not the pig you are. Who? -Who? You! -You! No; who were the three, besides me? -No; who were the three, besides me? John Franson and Rob Stanslyk. -John Franson and Rob Stanslyk. Wow. That's great. That's something to be proud of. -Wow. That's great. That's something to be proud of. I am. And that's why you should feel like a pig. You men make me sick. You'll sleep with anything that says yes. -I am. And that's why you should feel like a pig. You men make me sick. You'll sleep with anything that says yes. Animal, vegetable, or mineral. -Animal, vegetable, or mineral. Vegetable meaning paraplegic. -Vegetable meaning paraplegic. They put up the least amount of struggle. -They put up the least amount of struggle. After dropping a bombshell like that, you owe me. Big. -After dropping a bombshell like that, you owe me. Big. All right. Name it. -All right. Name it. I want you to come with me on Monday. -I want you to come with me on Monday. Where? -Where? To school. There's a seminar about getting back into a scholastic program after a lapse in enrollment. -To school. There's a seminar about getting back into a scholastic program after a lapse in enrollment. Can't we ever have a discussion without that coming up? -Can't we ever have a discussion without that coming up? It's important to me, Dante. You have so much potential that just goes to waste in this pit. I wish you'd go back to school. -It's important to me, Dante. You have so much potential that just goes to waste in this pit. I wish you'd go back to school. Jesus, would you stop? You make my head hurt when you talk about this. -Shit! Why are we getting up? Unlike you, I have a class in forty- five minutes. -Why do you call him that? Sylvan made it up. It's a blow job thing. -Sylvan made it up. It's a blow job thing. What do you mean? -What do you mean? After he gets a blow job, he likes to have the cum spit back into his mouth while kissing. It's called snowballing. -After he gets a blow job, he likes to have the cum spit back into his mouth while kissing. It's called snowballing. He requested this? -He requested this? He gets off on it. -He gets off on it. Sylvan can be talked into anything. -Sylvan can be talked into anything. Why do you say that? -Why do you say that? Like you said-she snowballed him. -Like you said-she snowballed him. Sylvan? No; I snowballed him. -Sylvan? No; I snowballed him. Yeah, right. -Yeah, right. I'm serious... -You sucked that guy's dick? Yeah. How do you think I know he liked... -Yeah. How do you think I know he liked... But... but you said you only had sex with three guys! You never mentioned him! -But... but you said you only had sex with three guys! You never mentioned him! That's because I never had sex with him! -That's because I never had sex with him! You sucked his dick! -You sucked his dick! We went out a few times. We didn't have sex, but we fooled around. -We went out a few times. We didn't have sex, but we fooled around. Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only slept with three guys? -Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only slept with three guys? Because I did only sleep with three guys! That doesn't mean I didn't just go with people. -Because I did only sleep with three guys! That doesn't mean I didn't just go with people. Oh my God-I feel so nauseous... -Oh my God-I feel so nauseous... I'm sorry, Dante. I thought you understood. -I'm sorry, Dante. I thought you understood. I did understand! I understand that you slept with three different guys, and that's all you said. -I did understand! I understand that you slept with three different guys, and that's all you said. Please calm down. -Please calm down. How many? -How many? Dante... -Dante... How many dicks have you sucked?! -How many dicks have you sucked?! Let it go... -Let it go... HOW MANY? -HOW MANY? All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak like this when you told me how many girls you fucked. -All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak like this when you told me how many girls you fucked. This is different. This is important. How many?! -Well...? Something like thirty-six. -Something like thirty-six. WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX? -WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX? Lower your voice! -Lower your voice! "What the hell is that anyway, ""something like thirty-six?"" Does that include me?" -"What the hell is that anyway, ""something like thirty-six?"" Does that include me?" Um. Thirty-seven. -Um. Thirty-seven. I'M THIRTY-SEVEN? -I'M THIRTY-SEVEN? I'm going to class. -I'm going to class. Thirty-seven?! My girlfriend sucked thirty-seven dicks! -Hey! Where are you going?! Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many guys I'd slept with, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about fucking twelve different girls. Well, I never had sex with twelve different guys! -Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many guys I'd slept with, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about fucking twelve different girls. Well, I never had sex with twelve different guys! No, but you sucked enough dick! -No, but you sucked enough dick! Yeah, I went down on a few guys... -Yeah, I went down on a few guys... A few? -A few? ...And one of those guys was you! The last one, I might add, which-if you're too stupid to comprehend- means that I've been faithful to you since we met! All the other guys I went with before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don't look at me like I'm the town whore, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me! -...And one of those guys was you! The last one, I might add, which-if you're too stupid to comprehend- means that I've been faithful to you since we met! All the other guys I went with before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don't look at me like I'm the town whore, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me! Well... why did you have to suck their dicks? Why didn't you just sleep with them, like any decent person?! -Well... why did you have to suck their dicks? Why didn't you just sleep with them, like any decent person?! Because going down it's a big deal! I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him. But I only had sex with the guys I loved. -Because going down it's a big deal! I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him. But I only had sex with the guys I loved. I feel sick. -I feel sick. I love you. Don't feel sick. -I love you. Don't feel sick. Every time I kiss you now I'm going to taste thirty-six other guys. -I'm going to school. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational. Thirty-seven. I just can't... -Thirty-seven. I just can't... Goodbye, Dante. -He still hasn't shown up. Why aren't you in class? Lit 101 got canceled, so I stopped home and brought you some lunch. -Lit 101 got canceled, so I stopped home and brought you some lunch. What is it? -What is it? Peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off. What do you think it is? It's lasagne. -Peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off. What do you think it is? It's lasagne. Really? You're the best. -Really? You're the best. I'm glad you've calmed down a bit. Hi, Randal. -You had to tell him. I had to tell someone. He put it into perspective. -I had to tell someone. He put it into perspective. What did he say? -What did he say? At least he wasn't thirty-six. -At least he wasn't thirty-six. And that made you feel better? -And that made you feel better? And he said most of them are college guys, I've never met or seen. -And he said most of them are college guys, I've never met or seen. The ostrich syndrome: if you don't see it... -The ostrich syndrome: if you don't see it... ...it isn't there. Yes. -...it isn't there. Yes. Thank you for being rational. -Thank you for being rational. Thank you for the lasagne. -Thank you for the lasagne. You couldn't get these shutters open? -You couldn't get these shutters open? I called a locksmith and he said the earliest he could get here it tomorrow. -I called a locksmith and he said the earliest he could get here it tomorrow. Bummer, Well, I've gotta head back for the one-thirty class. -Bummer, Well, I've gotta head back for the one-thirty class. What time do you get finished? -What time do you get finished? Eight. But I have a sorority meeting till nine, so I'll be back before you close. Can we go out and get some coffee? -Eight. But I have a sorority meeting till nine, so I'll be back before you close. Can we go out and get some coffee? Sure. -Sure. Good. I'll see you when you close, then. Enjoy the lasagne. -What the fuck did you do that for? If you didn't want to go out with me anymore, why didn't you just say it? Instead, you pussyfoot around and see that slut behind my back! -If you didn't want to go out with me anymore, why didn't you just say it? Instead, you pussyfoot around and see that slut behind my back! What're you talking about? -What're you talking about? You've been talking to her on the phone for weeks! -You've been talking to her on the phone for weeks! It was only a few times... -It was only a few times... And then you pull that shit this morning, freaking out because I've gone down on a couple guys! -And then you pull that shit this morning, freaking out because I've gone down on a couple guys! A couple...? -A couple...? I'm not the one trying to patch things up with my ex, sneaking around behind your back! And if you think that thirty-seven dicks are a lot, then just wait, mister: I'm going to put the hookers in Times Square to shame with all the guys I go down on now! -I'm not the one trying to patch things up with my ex, sneaking around behind your back! And if you think that thirty-seven dicks are a lot, then just wait, mister: I'm going to put the hookers in Times Square to shame with all the guys I go down on now! Would you let me explain... -Would you let me explain... Explain what? How you were waiting until the time was right, and then you were going to dump me for her? -Explain what? How you were waiting until the time was right, and then you were going to dump me for her? Veronica... I... it's not like that anymore... I mean, it was never really like that... -You're damn right it's not like that! Because I won't let it be like that! You want your slut? Fine! The slut is yours! I don't want Caitlin... -I don't want Caitlin... You don't know what you want, but I'm not going to sit here anymore holding your hand until you figure it out! I've encouraged you to get out of this fucking dump and go back to school, to take charge of your life and find direction. I even transferred so maybe you would be more inclined to go back to college if I was with you. Everyone said it was a stupid move, but I didn't care because I loved you and wanted to see you pull yourself out of this senseless funk you've been in since that whore dumped you, oh so many years ago. And now you want to go back to her so she can fuck you over some more? -You don't know what you want, but I'm not going to sit here anymore holding your hand until you figure it out! I've encouraged you to get out of this fucking dump and go back to school, to take charge of your life and find direction. I even transferred so maybe you would be more inclined to go back to college if I was with you. Everyone said it was a stupid move, but I didn't care because I loved you and wanted to see you pull yourself out of this senseless funk you've been in since that whore dumped you, oh so many years ago. And now you want to go back to her so she can fuck you over some more? I don't want to go back with her... -I don't want to go back with her... Of course not; not now! You're caught, and now you're trying to snake out of doing what you wanted to do. Well, I won't let you. I want you to follow through on this, just so you can find out what a fucking idiot you are. And when she dumps you again- and she will, Dante, I promise you that-when she dumps you again, I want to laugh at you, right in your face, just so you realize that that was what you gave up our relationship for! I'm just glad Randal had the balls to tell me, since you couldn't. -Of course not; not now! You're caught, and now you're trying to snake out of doing what you wanted to do. Well, I won't let you. I want you to follow through on this, just so you can find out what a fucking idiot you are. And when she dumps you again- and she will, Dante, I promise you that-when she dumps you again, I want to laugh at you, right in your face, just so you realize that that was what you gave up our relationship for! I'm just glad Randal had the balls to tell me, since you couldn't. Randal...? -Randal...? And having him tell me... that was just the weakest move ever. You're spineless. -And having him tell me... that was just the weakest move ever. You're spineless. Veronica, I love you... -Veronica, I love you... Fuck you. -You hold the counter and I'll pull. Usually I just turn the can upside down. -Usually I just turn the can upside down. Maybe we should soap your hand or something. -Maybe we should soap your hand or something. They oughta put some kind of warning on these cans, like they do with cigarettes. -They oughta put some kind of warning on these cans, like they do with cigarettes. I think it's coming now... -Thanks. I thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital. I'll throw this out. Precautionary measure. -I'll throw this out. Precautionary measure. It stings a little. -It stings a little. A word of advice: Sometimes it's best to let those hard to reach chips go. -You open? Yes. I'm not out of shape. -Yes. I'm not out of shape. Excuse me, but have you been here all day? -Excuse me, but have you been here all day? What? -Were you working here at about four o'clock? I've been here since six o'clock this morning. Why? -I'm not out of shape! Can I have your name please? -Can I have your name please? Dante Hicks. Why? What is this about? -Here you go. What's this? -What's this? A fine, for five hundred dollars. -A fine, for five hundred dollars. WHAT? -What are you talking about? According to the NJAC-the New Jersey Administrative Code, section eighteen, five, slash twelve point five-a fine of no less than two hundred and fifty dollars is to be leveled against any person reported selling cigarettes to a minor. -According to the NJAC-the New Jersey Administrative Code, section eighteen, five, slash twelve point five-a fine of no less than two hundred and fifty dollars is to be leveled against any person reported selling cigarettes to a minor. I didn't do that! -I didn't do that! You said you were here all day? -You said you were here all day? Yeah, but I didn't sell cigarettes to any kids! -Yeah, but I didn't sell cigarettes to any kids! An angry mother called the state division of taxation and complained that the man working at Quick Stop Convenience sold her five-year-old daughter cigarettes today at around four o'clock. Division of taxation calls the State Board of Health, and they send me down here to issue a fine. You say you were working all day, hence the fine is yours. It's doubled due to the incredibly young age of the child. -An angry mother called the state division of taxation and complained that the man working at Quick Stop Convenience sold her five-year-old daughter cigarettes today at around four o'clock. Division of taxation calls the State Board of Health, and they send me down here to issue a fine. You say you were working all day, hence the fine is yours. It's doubled due to the incredibly young age of the child. But I didn't sell cigarettes to any kid! -I didn't sell cigarettes to any kids! I swear! The due date is on the bottom. This summons cannot be contested in any court of law. Failure to remit before the due date will result in a charge of criminal negligence, and a warrant will be issued for your arrest. Have a nice day. -Oh shit, look who it is. The human vacuum. Scumbag. What are you doing? -Scumbag. What are you doing? Nothing. Just hanging out with Silent Bob and his cousin. -Nothing. Just hanging out with Silent Bob and his cousin. He's your cousin? -He's your cousin? Check this out, he's from Russia. -Check this out, he's from Russia. No way. -No way. I swear to God. Silent Bob, am I lying? -He only speaks Russian? He knows some English, but he can't not speak it good like we do. -No way! Swear. Olaf, metal! -What did he say? I don't know, man. He's a fucking character. -That doesn't sound metal. "You gotta hear him sing. Olaf, ""Berserker!""" -"Did he say ""making fuck?""" Wait, there's more. Olaf: sing... -What part of Russia? I don't fucking know. What am I, his biographer? Olaf, what part of Russia are you from? -Is he staying here? He's moving to the big city next week. He wants to be a metal singer. -He really wants to play metal? "He's got his own band in Moscow. It's called ""Fuck Your Yankee Blue Jeans"" or something like that." -"Come on, man, ""Berserker!""" Does he sing in English or Russian? -Does he sing in English or Russian? "English. Come on, ""Berserker!"" Girls think sexy." -Let me ask you a question: Do you think this guy's out of shape? I don't know. I can't really tell from here. -I don't know. I can't really tell from here. He is. -I think the lady called it. My ex-boyfriend was about his height, but he was much bulkier. He could bench two-fifty, three hundred easy. -My ex-boyfriend was about his height, but he was much bulkier. He could bench two-fifty, three hundred easy. I do about three-fifty, four. -I do about three-fifty, four. No way! -No way! Feel that. -Feel that. That's tight. Solid. -That's tight. Solid. Now feel his. Roll up your sleeve, chief. -It's probably from being around all this food every day. Oh, I know. If I had to work here all day, I'd be bloated and out of shape, too. -You're Dante Hicks? Oh my God! I didn't even recognize you! Because he's out of shape. -To an Asian design major. Shit! Don't take this the wrong way, but I used to fuck her. -Oh my God! You're Rick Derris? Yeah! -Really? Oh yeah. You were the built older guy with the black Trans and the big... -Holy shit! She told you about that! Buddy of mine worked there. Said he watched the whole thing. They used to film people at that hotel; nobody knew about it. She said one time you set up a tent on the beach and you guys did it in the middle of this big rainstorm. -To a five-year-old kid? What a scumbag! That's sick, Dante. -Sure. How about the beach? I like the way you think. -You've never heard anybody say anything about either movie? I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs. -I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs. Well, how about these two movies? -I just held up the same two movies. You're not even paying attention. No, I wasn't. -No, I wasn't. I don't think your manager would appreciate... -I don't think your manager would appreciate... I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am. -I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am. I beg your pardon! -I beg your pardon! Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me. -Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me. I only pointed out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying. -I only pointed out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying. I hope it feels good. -I hope it feels good. You hope what feels good? -You hope what feels good? I hope it feels so good to be right. There is nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there? -Well this is the last time I ever rent here... You'll be missed. -You'll be missed. Screw you! -That's the price, my brother. Yo, I don't have that kind of cash. -Yo, I don't have that kind of cash. For this kind of hash, you need that kind of cash. -For this kind of hash, you need that kind of cash. How long you gonna be here? -How long you gonna be here? Till ten. Then I'm going to John K's party. -Till ten. Then I'm going to John K's party. You're gonna be at John K's party? -You're gonna be at John K's party? My man is deaf. I'M GOING TO JOHN K'S PARTY! Neh. -My man is deaf. I'M GOING TO JOHN K'S PARTY! Neh. Yo, don't sell all that. 'Cause I'm gonna get the cash and buy it from you at John K's. You're gonna bring it, right? -Yo, don't sell all that. 'Cause I'm gonna get the cash and buy it from you at John K's. You're gonna bring it, right? The only place I don't bring my drugs is church. And that ain't till Sunday morning. -The only place I don't bring my drugs is church. And that ain't till Sunday morning. Yo. I'll see you at that party. I'll see you there? -Yo. I'll see you at that party. I'll see you there? I'll see you there. -And... he told you all of this? Pretty much. All except the latent homosexuality part-that's just my theory. -Pretty much. All except the latent homosexuality part-that's just my theory. I... I don't know what to say. -I... I don't know what to say. Don't hold it against him. He just never got Caitlin out of his system. It's not your fault. It's Dante. I don't know thing one about chicks. Do you want to cry or something? I can leave. -Don't hold it against him. He just never got Caitlin out of his system. It's not your fault. It's Dante. I don't know thing one about chicks. Do you want to cry or something? I can leave. I'm not sad. -I'm not sad. You're not? -You're not? No, I'm more furious. I'm pissed off. I feel like he's been killing time while he tries to grow the balls to tell me how he really feels, and then he can't even do it! He has his friend do it for him! -No, I'm more furious. I'm pissed off. I feel like he's been killing time while he tries to grow the balls to tell me how he really feels, and then he can't even do it! He has his friend do it for him! He didn't ask me to... -He didn't ask me to... After all that I've done for that fuck! And he wants to be with that slut? Fine! He can have his slut! -After all that I've done for that fuck! And he wants to be with that slut? Fine! He can have his slut! Um, do you think you can give me a lift home tonight? -Um, do you think you can give me a lift home tonight? I'm going to have a word with that asshole. -The guy ain't here yet. You're kidding. It's almost eleven- thirty! -You're kidding. It's almost eleven- thirty! I know. I've been here since eleven. -I know. I've been here since eleven. Man! I hate it when I can't rent videos! -Man! I hate it when I can't rent videos! I would've went to Big Choice, but the tape I want is right there on the wall. -I would've went to Big Choice, but the tape I want is right there on the wall. Which one? -Which one? Dental School. -Dental School. You came for that too? That's the movie I came for. -You came for that too? That's the movie I came for. I have first dibs. -I have first dibs. Says who? -Says who? Says me. I've been here for half an hour. I'd call that first dibs. -Says me. I've been here for half an hour. I'd call that first dibs. Ain't gonna happen, my friend. I'm getting that tape. -Ain't gonna happen, my friend. I'm getting that tape. Like hell you are! -Like hell you are! I'll bet you twenty bucks you don't get to rent that tape. -I'll bet you twenty bucks you don't get to rent that tape. Twenty bucks? -Twenty bucks? Twenty bucks. -Twenty bucks. All right, asshole, you're on. -Willam! Ronnie! How are you? You work here now? -Ronnie! How are you? You work here now? No, I'm just visiting my man. Dante, this is Willam Black. This is Dante Hicks, my boyfriend. -No, I transferred into Monmouth this year. I was tired of missing him. Do you still talk to Sylvan? -Do you still talk to Sylvan? I just talked to her on Monday. We still hang out on weekends. -I just talked to her on Monday. We still hang out on weekends. That's cool. Well-you two lovebirds take it easy, all right? -That's cool. Well-you two lovebirds take it easy, all right? I will. Take it easy. -I will. Take it easy. Bye. -Bye. Bye That was Snowball. -Gabe! Hey, man! Gabe! It's Gabe! How yo doin', Gabe! -Work! Don't say that word, man. Man, I hate work even when somebody else does it! -Man, I hate work even when somebody else does it! Hey, Gabe, we're flyin' off the Tower today. C'mon with us. -Hey, Gabe, we're flyin' off the Tower today. C'mon with us. C'mon, man--it's perfect weather for a monster, full-fledged gutrush! -Did you catch that thunder? No way, death-breath, that was too intense for thunder. C'mon let's rock an' roll. -"""It's a perfect day for a monster jump."" Hey man, can you like do me a favor?" What? -What? Next time you're like watching MTV, y' know, like flip it to the weather channel for a split second and check it out. I mean, hey, we could be home watching some righteous pornos. -Next time you're like watching MTV, y' know, like flip it to the weather channel for a split second and check it out. I mean, hey, we could be home watching some righteous pornos. That woulda been cool. -That woulda been cool. Exactly, cheesehead, exactly. -Answer the man. Nothing, just tourist souvenirs. -C-4? More bang for the buck. -Ready to die quiet-like, asshole. Hey, let's get something straight. If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, but you're always gonna be the asshole, so just shoot, alright. -Hey, let's get something straight. If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, but you're always gonna be the asshole, so just shoot, alright. Who's shooting? -Did I hear somethin' break? Outside left! Fuck you. -Fuck you. Cursin'. That's a penalty kick for unsportsmanlike conduct, mate. -Hal's signalling he's OK. They're about two hundred yards from the top of the tower, right where that ledge comes out, Gabe. -He said the Tower, but he's on Comb Bluff? Frank, fly me to the west valley, the winds are never too bad there and it's only a half hour climb to the Douglas Shaft. I don't know. -I don't know. If I don't meet up with them, you can come and pick me up by nightfall. -If I don't meet up with them, you can come and pick me up by nightfall. Hal will have my head for this. -And it's such a handsome head. Please Frank, and I swear I'll buy one of your paintings. I admit, I can be bought. -Jessie, Jessie, copy? I copy. -I copy. Jessie, girl this is insane. Weather stat called in wind gusts up to 50 knots for tonight. -Jessie, girl this is insane. Weather stat called in wind gusts up to 50 knots for tonight. If you can't make it back, I'll hold up at the Douglas Shaft. Stop worryin'. You sound like a mother hen. -If you can't make it back, I'll hold up at the Douglas Shaft. Stop worryin'. You sound like a mother hen. Rooster! Forget the hen stuff. Be safe, honey. Over. -Jessie, Hal, come in...please report. Over. Where's the radio? -Hey, Jessie, you're just in time for another masterpiece. So, what do you see? -So, what do you see? Surprise me. -Surprise me. What usually eats a banana? -What usually eats a banana? A monkey? -A monkey? So...what are you, blind, son? This is a banana eating a monkey, nature in reverse. -So...what are you, blind, son? This is a banana eating a monkey, nature in reverse. Y'know, Jessie, doesn't Frank look like a normal guy--but he's not, are you Frank? -That was the first and last question-- now only answers. Where's the chopper? It can't fly in this weather. -It can't fly in this weather. This is where your background in police work comes in handy--ask the questions, Travers. -You know how the airlines are. Bags? -Bags? Suits, underwear, 100 million dollars...the usual stuff. Travers was smart enough to bring along a tracking device. Step into my office. -Looks like the Tower. It's a bad climb. A bad climb, no, just another challenge. What's life without 'em, right, Agent Travers. -Go on, fetch. I need my bolt gun and an ice axe. -Tucker? Qualen, glad you stuck around. There should be a few hundred cops looking to meet you. -Jessie! Are you alright? I want the money--meet me at the highest point from where you are. Don't do it and we're going to see if your angel here can fly. Copy? -I want the money--meet me at the highest point from where you are. Don't do it and we're going to see if your angel here can fly. Copy? Copy. Jessie, go to the top of Bitker ladder. -Copy. Jessie, go to the top of Bitker ladder. Love's a killer, isn't it? -Where are you, Walker? You're getting warmer! -Throw it up or I'll kill her. You do, and the spring thaw is going to be worth a lot of cash! -You do, and the spring thaw is going to be worth a lot of cash! The money! -The money! WHEN SHE'S SAFE! -Glad you could drop in. Hey, anything for a friend. How's the knee? -Hey, anything for a friend. How's the knee? I think it's out. No big deal. It's that old football injury. -I think it's out. No big deal. It's that old football injury. Funny, he told me he twisted it gettin' out of a hot tub. -Funny, he told me he twisted it gettin' out of a hot tub. I love you, too. -I love you, too. Rescue One -- have located helpless climber, please prepare idiot line for transport, over. -Rescue One -- have located helpless climber, please prepare idiot line for transport, over. Wait 'til you get into trouble, just wait. -Remember, keep your arms and legs within the vehicle at all times-- Hey, fuck you. -I'm coming out! No, stay off the line! You'll break her loose! -No, stay off the line! You'll break her loose! The clip's not gonna hold! -She's losing it! Sarah, hold on, he'll have you in a second. Jesus Christ, grab her! -What the hell are you doing here?! I was with Jessie, she filled me in. -I was with Jessie, she filled me in. Now let me fill you in. You can get your ass back down an' go back to that hole you been hiding in-- -Now let me fill you in. You can get your ass back down an' go back to that hole you been hiding in-- When we get this group down, I'm gone. -When we get this group down, I'm gone. You're gone now! I don't climb with people I can't trust. Why'd you come up, to prove something? -You're gone now! I don't climb with people I can't trust. Why'd you come up, to prove something? I'm here for the same reason you are, so let's do it. -I'm here for the same reason you are, so let's do it. Can't pass up another chance to play hero, can you. -Can't pass up another chance to play hero, can you. Look, I know-- -Look, I know-- You don't know anything. You did it your way and she died. -You don't know anything. You did it your way and she died. I did what I thought was right. -I did what I thought was right. Well you were wrong! It was your weight on the line that did it-- -Well you were wrong! It was your weight on the line that did it-- There wasn't time for anything else. -There wasn't time for anything else. We'll never know, will we? -We'll never know, will we? Look, it was a bad time for everybody. -Look, it was a bad time for everybody. What the hell do you know about bad time. You didn't love her, you didn't have to explain to her family. -What the hell do you know about bad time. You didn't love her, you didn't have to explain to her family. And you weren't looking into her eyes when she fell. Now drop it! -No, buddy, it was you who dropped it! If you want, do it. I don't care. -Forget me. If you can, get away. Would you? -Thanks for staying around when you didn't have to. My pleasure. -How's your leg? I'll live. Where'd you leave Jessie? Near Freedom Falls. She went for help. -Near Freedom Falls. She went for help. Hey, about everything that happened with Sarah. I know you did what you could-- -What are we going to do? Give him the money. -I'm going with you. Not on that leg. -Not on that leg. Take the gun. -Take the gun. You keep it. Get up there if you can, and if you get a chance, do me a favor and kill him. -Room service...Hi, Sarah. Hi, Gabe. -How're ya feeling? Fine, I guess... -Fine, I guess... Sarah, we could take off and leave this guy behind... -She's tough. Is it really four thousand? -Sarah, tonight why don't you and Hal come over for dinner? Okay--I don't know about this. -Please, can I think about this for a minute...Okay, I'm sorry, it's fine. What do you want me to do? Just keep lookin' at me and only think about the distance across. Count it as you go: One, two...by eight you'll be there. -Just keep lookin' at me and only think about the distance across. Count it as you go: One, two...by eight you'll be there. Can I count as fast as I like? -Can I count as fast as I like? Sure you can. -Sure you can. I'm sorry for all the trouble... Thank you. -There you go. One... -Two... That's it, you look like a professional. -That's it, you look like a professional. Three... -Four...five... Nice and easy... -Nice and easy... Six... -Please -- oh, no -- please! I'm here! Sarah, I'm here! I'm here--I've got you! -Use your other hand! Grab it! Help me! I don't want to die! -Help me! I don't want to die! You're not gonna die. Grab me with your other hand! -Do you see them yet? Patience my love, patience. -Patience my love, patience. That's a virtue isn't it? -That's a virtue isn't it? Wait, I think I have them sighted. What's the word, Frank? -Gabe? Gabe, where are you? Just hangin' out. -Oh, my God! I can't recognize the face, but the butt does look vaguely familiar. Don't say that. You'll embarrass Frank. -He knows it well. The ledge, I know it well, or should I say we know it well. -The ledge, I know it well, or should I say we know it well. You can stop right there. -You can stop right there. We spent a night there one night... -We spent a night there one night... Enough. -Enough. Yeah, we were caught in a storm. I went up there an innocent climber... -Yeah, we were caught in a storm. I went up there an innocent climber... Oh, please. -And when I came down, my morals were corrupted forever. Don't believe it... You know the trouble with you is you have no brain filter. Everything you think just pours right out. -The winds are picking up. On my way. Alright Sarah, are you ready for the best ride in the park? -Hello, Gabriel. When you call me Gabriel, I know I've got trouble. -When you call me Gabriel, I know I've got trouble. Where've you been? -Where've you been? Working...I'm trying to figure out where to start. -Working...I'm trying to figure out where to start. Maybe I can help. Let's see... if one night I got up and packed up all my things and drove away without leaving so much as a note, and stayed away for months, I think what I'd want to do is come up with a well thought-out reason. -Maybe I can help. Let's see... if one night I got up and packed up all my things and drove away without leaving so much as a note, and stayed away for months, I think what I'd want to do is come up with a well thought-out reason. After the funeral I just had to leave. -After the funeral I just had to leave. Had to leave? Believe me, we all wanted to leave...but you know what? We stayed. -Had to leave? Believe me, we all wanted to leave...but you know what? We stayed. A lot of things fell apart up there. -A lot of things fell apart up there. I know... -I know... I don't think you do. -I don't think you do. Why can't you believe that you did everything you could? -Why can't you believe that you did everything you could? Did I? I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have gone out on that line. Maybe I panicked. -Did I? I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have gone out on that line. Maybe I panicked. I was there, you were the only one who didn't panic. So do everyone a favor, don't hog all the guilt. You held on as long as you could. Yes, everything did go wrong, starting with Hal. I mean, what was he doing up on the Tower with a girl who could barely climb? -I was there, you were the only one who didn't panic. So do everyone a favor, don't hog all the guilt. You held on as long as you could. Yes, everything did go wrong, starting with Hal. I mean, what was he doing up on the Tower with a girl who could barely climb? I can't blame anything on Hal. It was me. I play it back in my mind everyday. -I can't blame anything on Hal. It was me. I play it back in my mind everyday. Then turn it off, Gabe, because it doesn't get any better. -Then turn it off, Gabe, because it doesn't get any better. I don't expect you to understand. -I don't expect you to understand. I don't understand? -I don't understand? You couldn't. -You couldn't. You're saying, I don't understand? I'm the only one who does understand. I'm the one you lived with for two years, I'm the one you made promises to, I'm the one who spent too many nights looking up at these rocks and wondering if you were ever going to make it down in once piece or ever at all. Believe me, there's been times I didn't know what I wanted to do more, love you or hate you. But the one thing in our relationship that I did know and still do know is that I understand you. -You're saying, I don't understand? I'm the only one who does understand. I'm the one you lived with for two years, I'm the one you made promises to, I'm the one who spent too many nights looking up at these rocks and wondering if you were ever going to make it down in once piece or ever at all. Believe me, there's been times I didn't know what I wanted to do more, love you or hate you. But the one thing in our relationship that I did know and still do know is that I understand you. Why are you yelling? -Why are you yelling? Excuse me? -Excuse me? Why are you yelling? -Why are you yelling? Did I miss something? -Did I miss something? Y'know, yelling at this altitude can lead to hyperventilation and fainting-- -Y'know, yelling at this altitude can lead to hyperventilation and fainting-- I'm not going to faint, but if I want to faint, I'll faint, okay? -I'm not going to faint, but if I want to faint, I'll faint, okay? Okay, but if you do I'll have to perform resuscitation-- -Okay, but if you do I'll have to perform resuscitation-- Resuscitation? -Resuscitation? --mouth-to-mouth, which could maybe... ---mouth-to-mouth, which could maybe... Which could maybe what? -Which could maybe what? Maybe lead to a flare up... -Maybe lead to a flare up... A flare up... -A flare up... Flare up of old emotions... -Flare up of old emotions... "Listen to you... The old ""mouth-to-mouth"" resuscitation routine, huh?" -"Listen to you... The old ""mouth-to-mouth"" resuscitation routine, huh?" From one professional to another, of course. -From one professional to another, of course. Course maybe you don't have to wait until I faint. -Course maybe you don't have to wait until I faint. No, I think I will, it's safer. I have patience. -Gabe, did you come back to stay? You didn't. I can't. Not here. If you want, I'd like you to come with me...somewhere else. -I can't. Not here. If you want, I'd like you to come with me...somewhere else. Where? -Where? It doesn't matter, anywhere but here. -It doesn't matter, anywhere but here. You come back after being gone almost a year, and you expect me to just leave... This was our home, now it's my home. I can't leave. You can stay with me, and believe me, I want you to, but to just take off for the wrong reasons, I can't do it. And you shouldn't either. -You come back after being gone almost a year, and you expect me to just leave... This was our home, now it's my home. I can't leave. You can stay with me, and believe me, I want you to, but to just take off for the wrong reasons, I can't do it. And you shouldn't either. Like I said, I can't turn it off. -Like I said, I can't turn it off. And I can't leave. -And I can't leave. If it's alright, I'm gonna pick up the rest of my gear. -If it's alright, I'm gonna pick up the rest of my gear. You know where everything is... I'm late for my shift. -You know where everything is... I'm late for my shift. Jess--you look good. -Thank God you didn't leave. We just got a Mayday. Seven climbers stranded off Comb Bluff. The weather's pouring in fast and Hal's gone up alone. Hal knows what he's doing. -If he gets up there and the weather gets as bad as it can, they'll never make it down. He needs someone who has emergency medical training and knows every handhold on these peaks. He doesn't want my help. -He doesn't want my help. That's not the issue here, those people are. He can't do it alone. -That's not the issue here, those people are. He can't do it alone. He can handle it. -He can handle it. What if he can't? -What if he can't? I haven't climbed in months--you lose the feel. -I haven't climbed in months--you lose the feel. You mean the nerve. -I know you don't want to be responsible for anybody's life anymore, but walk away and you are responsible. Please Gabe, he went up the west ridge. If you go up the south face, you can catch him, no problem-- Can't do it. -Can't do it? I don't believe this. Don't you feel anything? I only came back for you. -Gabe!? What are you doing here!? -What are you doing here!? Looking for Hal. Oh my God, I heard someone kick the door open...you came back. -Looking for Hal. Oh my God, I heard someone kick the door open...you came back. How'd you get up here? -How'd you get up here? Frank dropped me in the west valley and I hiked. You look frozen. What's happening?! -Frank dropped me in the west valley and I hiked. You look frozen. What's happening?! You got to go back now! -You got to go back now! Where's Hal, what's going on? -Before it crashed, they dumped three cases filled with millions. They're using Hal for a bird dog. Once they find the money, Hal's dead. So get on your radio, contact Frank, have him pick you up, then contact the state police, the park police and anything else wearing a badge and tell them to get up here! Do it Jessie. I can't. The radio's at the bottom of the shaft. But Frank'll be looking for me soon. When he gets here I'll contact everybody from the chopper. -I can't. The radio's at the bottom of the shaft. But Frank'll be looking for me soon. When he gets here I'll contact everybody from the chopper. That's no good. It'll be dark soon, there's no other shelter for ten miles. If they show, they'll take you too. Why'd you have to come up here?! -That's no good. It'll be dark soon, there's no other shelter for ten miles. If they show, they'll take you too. Why'd you have to come up here?! For the same reason you did, to help. -For the same reason you did, to help. Yeah, let's go. -Let's be creative. Excuse me? -They've got to find shelter soon, and so do we. How are you holding up? You know me, I'm a night person. -Take off and meet me at Eagle Cave. What about you? -What about you? Don't worry about me, just go. -Man, it costs a fortune to heat this place. I'm glad you find humor in this. Do you know what people would do for that? -I'm glad you find humor in this. Do you know what people would do for that? I can't believe you just said that. -I can't believe you just said that. Neither can I. What do you think they're doing now? -Neither can I. What do you think they're doing now? Making things real rough for Hal. -You still wear the cable necklace I gave you. Call me sentimental. -Call me sentimental. Remember the first time we came up here? -Remember the first time we came up here? Of course I do. -Of course I do. It was great. -It was great. You attacked me. -You attacked me. Can you think of something more romantic than attacked? -Can you think of something more romantic than attacked? Only kidding...actually I attacked you. -Only kidding...actually I attacked you. No, actually it was more like mutual attacking. -Why can't things stay the way they are...everything has to change. What we had was perfect. I don't know. Here, lay down and get some rest. We're going to need it. -Gabe...your arm? Yeah? -Yeah? If you're not using your arm, can I borrow it? -If you're not using your arm, can I borrow it? Sure, just give it back when you're done. -We have to get through to the other side. You up for it? I've gone this far, and right now I think I'm in better shape than you. -I've gone this far, and right now I think I'm in better shape than you. A simple yes or no would have done. -A simple yes or no would have done. Want me to lead? -Want me to lead? Cute. -Nice view, huh? Breathtaking. -What was God thinking when he built this place? If we don't get out of here soon we can ask him in person. -Gabe! Are you alright? No, not really. Throw down a rope. -Can you see light? Up ahead. -Gabe are you alright? For the record, whenever you hear me sliding out of control, I'm never alright. When I secure the line, come on up. -No luck? Next time, date only basketball players. -She's a lyin' bitch!! Get it! -They'll kill him! He has no idea! We gotta get out and fire a flare. It's the only chance! -We might be able to go that way. Forget it. If that charge goes off before we can reach it, this whole damn crevice will slam shut on us. This way. -Pull it apart! What? -What? Start pulling it apart! We're climbing down on it. -Start pulling it apart! We're climbing down on it. This rope is sixty years old! -This rope is sixty years old! These old ropes can hold 900 lbs., each strand 300. I'm 190, you're about 135 -- it just may hold. -These old ropes can hold 900 lbs., each strand 300. I'm 190, you're about 135 -- it just may hold. Never -Never Never, what?! -Never, what?! I've never weighed 135 lbs.! -I've never weighed 135 lbs.! Helluva time for vanity! -Frank! No, Frank! Frank! Jess, c'mon... -Gabe! Hold on! Hold on! Reach up! -Reach up! Do it! Don't let me fall! -Don't let me fall! Do it, goddammit! -Thanks for holding on. We were going together before I ever let go of you. -We were going together before I ever let go of you. I'm holding you to that. Gabe, what about Frank? -I'm holding you to that. Gabe, what about Frank? I don't know. I don't know. -Crockett River is where the last of the money fell. If we go along the northern ridge, we can get there first. -If we go along the northern ridge, we can get there first. "There's no ""we"". There's a me. All I have to do is make it along the north wall to Bitker Ladder. What you're doing is going back down to the station to get help. And don't put on that mad face." -"There's no ""we"". There's a me. All I have to do is make it along the north wall to Bitker Ladder. What you're doing is going back down to the station to get help. And don't put on that mad face." Forget it. You're in no shape to climb alone. I stayed with you this far, and you didn't drop me, so I owe you. C'mon, let's go. Hurry up, time is money. -Forget it. You're in no shape to climb alone. I stayed with you this far, and you didn't drop me, so I owe you. C'mon, let's go. Hurry up, time is money. """Time is money"" -- please." -My heart can't take much more of this. Look, if we climb down from here, it'll take two hours to get back to the station. That's exactly what I want you to do. -That's exactly what I want you to do. What about you? -What do you think? Maybe I could reach the ledge without falling. No, forget it. Oh, good. For a minute I thought you'd lost your mind. -But maybe with a good start I can hit those hand-holds. Hand-holds?! I can barely see them. -Hand-holds?! I can barely see them. We don't have time to argue about it! -We don't have time to argue about it! Are you crazy? Has the altitude shrunk your brain, Gabe? -Are you crazy? Has the altitude shrunk your brain, Gabe? Take the rope. -Take the rope. I won't do it. No way. -I won't do it. No way. Take the rope. -Take the rope. Enough's enough. How could anybody in their right mind... then again, you never were in your right mind. -Enough's enough. How could anybody in their right mind... then again, you never were in your right mind. Wrap it around that rock twice. -Wrap it around that rock twice. I'm going to wrap it around your throat! -I'm going to wrap it around your throat! An' if I miss, dig in and try your best to slow the fall. -An' if I miss, dig in and try your best to slow the fall. Forget it! I refuse! -Forget it! I refuse! Fine, it shouldn't bother your conscience. -Fine, it shouldn't bother your conscience. Don't lay any guilt on me. Suicide's a personal thing, best done alone. -Just kidding. Gabe? Wait 'til I get over there. Tie the rope so I can come across. -Gabe? Wait 'til I get over there. Tie the rope so I can come across. Can't do it. Now go back and get help! -What about you?! RUN, DAMMIT!! -"The ""old mouth to mouth"" resuscitation routine." There's a lot more where that came from. You're not leaving again? -There's a lot more where that came from. You're not leaving again? And miss all of this peace and quiet? Never, right Hal? -Look here, the mountain man. You're Walker, right? Good memory. You must be great with numbers. -Good memory. You must be great with numbers. Your mouth's writing a check your ass can't cash, but if ya wanna buy some life, bring me the money. -Your mouth's writing a check your ass can't cash, but if ya wanna buy some life, bring me the money. I burned it. -I burned it. What the fuck you mean you burned it? -What the fuck you mean you burned it? Never could save a thing. -Never could save a thing. Now you get burned. -Where's the helicopter? What the hell's going on? -The faster you find the bags, the bigger you boys' finder's fee will be. Right, all the bullets we can eat. -He'll freeze. Ryan, get a rope, I want the man on a leash, too. -What's he doing? The best he can since you gave him nothing. -Talk. No tricks, no codes, no messages. You haven't found us. It was a fake call. Jessie, I reached the top of the Tower. So far, no sign of anyone. Looks like a phoney call. Over. -Mr. Travers is not the athletic type, he needs something more direct. The only faster way up is the East Face and it's smooth as glass. Maybe a dozen guys in the world could do it in good weather, only a psycho would try it in a storm. -Souvenirs? No, wrong answer. Looks like your friend plans on hanging around, that possible? No, he's gone. -No, he's gone. No, he's close, and he's using our money to keep you alive. Nobody's worth that much on the open market. Except you, the loyal one. Didn't I tell you to warm the place up? -It's up there, on the Tower. How far? -For Christ's sake, they're kids. We're not animals, but don't force us to be. Walk over. -You son of a bitch! You said you wouldn't kill him! Sue me. -Murdering, motherfucker... Kill a few people, they call you a murderer. When you kill millions, you're called a conqueror. Go figure. Move on Tucker, time is short. -You said there was a way across. There is. -He never hurt anybody. I'm touched. Kristel, check the chopper, let's go. -Travers, you're not running things. When he finds the money, you're as dead as me. -Tucker, you know where the money is-- I want it. Qualen, go fuck yourself. The game's over--you lost. -Qualen, go fuck yourself. The game's over--you lost. No, the goddamn game's not over! It's never over when you're playing against a team that doesn't care if they win or lose-- how do you negotiate with someone like that?! -No, the goddamn game's not over! It's never over when you're playing against a team that doesn't care if they win or lose-- how do you negotiate with someone like that?! What are you talking about? -Yeah... Anyone else following? -What's your names? Tucker and Walker. -Tucker and Walker. Tucker and Walker, we've lost three bags. -Have her come up. The down drafts would wipe her out. It's the only chopper. If it goes, you got no ride out. -On top of the peak. It looks like a winding route. -He asked you, how far?! I think you've been taking the scenic route. How far from here? Half a day. -Then where the fuck is! There. You blind? -Rescue One -- please be advised Ranger Walker is making advances toward my girlfriend that are liable to get his ass kicked right into space, over. Copy. Hal, tell Gabe he only makes advances to me or else he'll be walking down four thousand feet, and sleeping outside. -Go after her. Hold on, baby, he'll get you. -Got to be Comb Bluff. Acknowledge. Winds are too strong to get a chopper up there, Are you near any natural shelter? Over. -You and Frank get the tents, thermal clothing, and medical supplies together. Who's going with you? -Who's going with you? You're looking at him. -You're looking at him. Where's the rest of the team? -Where's the rest of the team? Bob and Rick are in Denver. I gotta get up there as fast as possible. Frank, get me a load of flares. -You gotta be kidding me! Do you want me to fly up after you? Over. Negative. The winds are too high. I'm going to ride out the storm here. I'll take shelter in the Douglas Exhibition Shaft. Over and out. -Oh, my God! Climb, Gabe, climb! -Right. Then it's a deal. -I don't know about totally. Who the hell ever is. This is the most protected shipment we've got-- and the most useless. These bills aren't even in circulation; the one thousand dollar bills we're transporting are only used for international banking exchange. -Who the hell ever is. This is the most protected shipment we've got-- and the most useless. These bills aren't even in circulation; the one thousand dollar bills we're transporting are only used for international banking exchange. Do you always transport through the air? -What the hell are you doing-- Now I have jurisdiction! I said get your weapons. -Now I have jurisdiction! I said get your weapons. These are highly trained agents overreacting without just cause. -Calm down...give the gun to me. You're out of control, son. What the hell are you waiting for, goddammit! Don't you see what he's doing! He's hijacking the shipment! -Travers! Hurry it up. On my way. The cases are hooked up and ready. -Why didn't you send the money over? Somehow I didn't think you'd wait for me if I'd sent it first. -What's the delay? Let's move your ass in there!! -Kill me? Christ we're partners in this! Were. Give me the tracking monitor! -Were. Give me the tracking monitor! Why? What are you going to do?! -Why? What are you going to do?! The monitor! I never ask twice. -Don't use my name! Ask the questions. -Ask the questions. You're both with the mountain rescue team? -Where's the third one, Travers? There, what's that place? -Get off my back, Qualen! I haven't even got on it yet. Let's go, time to fetch. -Don't give him anything. We agree on something. And for insurance, take his coat. -I don't trust him. Kill him when he gets down. -Bring down the money or your friend's dead! We can't and he knows it. -Man against nature, right Travers. What about it? -What about it? Down there you buy a life, up here you earn it or die. How's your health? -This way. Then go fetch. -He's alive! He can't be far away. Find him. Go! -Jessie? Looks like your friend found company. We're down to a few hours before the whole world shows up here. Where's the next one? -Good, Travers. It might catch on, like shooting skeet. You dumb bastard, you waited too long. If he made it back, this place would have been covered with police in a few hours. The way we're moving, it's going to be anyway. -This is insane. The hell with the money. You radio in for that chopper, understand! Hey, you dealt us this hand, we're playing it all the way. Move. -Is it set? Primed to go off right over his head, officer. -Why the hell are we wasting time here?! Insurance against him finding that last case ahead of us. -What's the code, Travers? I told you, 50,000 possible keycode combinations, in fifteen second intervals. -I told you, 50,000 possible keycode combinations, in fifteen second intervals. Give me the fucking code! -You got what we need? No, that son-of-a-bitch Walker is alive. -No, that son-of-a-bitch Walker is alive. No names, this is an open line! -No names, this is an open line! I don't give a shit, Qualen! I had to be insane to ever tie up with a low-life, piece of shit like you. They beat us. A couple of fuckin' hick mountain boys beat the man no law agency ever could. -I don't give a shit, Qualen! I had to be insane to ever tie up with a low-life, piece of shit like you. They beat us. A couple of fuckin' hick mountain boys beat the man no law agency ever could. Get off the radio! -Rich... Good morning, Walt. -Good morning, Walt. I'd like to have a word with you. This is Agent Matheson, FBI. -I'd like to have a word with you. This is Agent Matheson, FBI. Richard Travers. -Richard Travers. Matheson has been transferred from the Denver office to Frisco. As a professional courtesy between offices, I was asked if he could hitch a ride. -Matheson has been transferred from the Denver office to Frisco. As a professional courtesy between offices, I was asked if he could hitch a ride. We've got a full crew, but we can squeeze one more, right. -We've got a full crew, but we can squeeze one more, right. Appreciate it. -Appreciate it. You're the boss. Let's head out to the tarmac. Matheson, have you been totally briefed? -Mostly. Armored cars can be hijacked. Trains can be derailed. But nobody can get to us in flight. I haven't lost a bill in eighteen years, don't jinx me, Walt. -I haven't lost a bill in eighteen years, don't jinx me, Walt. I think Treasury personnel are the most superstitious people in the federal government. -I think Treasury personnel are the most superstitious people in the federal government. We should be. Everybody wants what we have. -Hello Lucy, had a busy night? Puts money in machine. We've been working hard too. Takes glass. -We've been working hard too. Takes glass. Pardon me. Luce. He raises glass to breast, pulls red handle between her legs. Milk spurts into glass. Dim joins the others. Alex looks at a party of tourists. -Pardon me. Luce. He raises glass to breast, pulls red handle between her legs. Milk spurts into glass. Dim joins the others. Alex looks at a party of tourists. There was some sophistos from the TV studios around the corner, laughing an govoreeting. The Devotchka was smecking away, and not caring about the wicked world one bit. Then the disc on the stereo twanged off and out, and in the short silence before the next one came on, she suddenly came with a burst of singing, and it was like for a moment, O my brothers, some great bird had flown into the milkbar and I felt all the malenky little hairs on my plott standing endwise, athe shivers crawling up like slow malenky lizards and then down again. Because I knew what she sang. It was a bit from the glorious 9th, by Ludwig van. Dim makes a lip-trump followed by a dog howl, followed by two fingers pronging twice in the air, followed by a clowny guffaw. Alex brings his stick down smartly on Dim's legs. -There was some sophistos from the TV studios around the corner, laughing an govoreeting. The Devotchka was smecking away, and not caring about the wicked world one bit. Then the disc on the stereo twanged off and out, and in the short silence before the next one came on, she suddenly came with a burst of singing, and it was like for a moment, O my brothers, some great bird had flown into the milkbar and I felt all the malenky little hairs on my plott standing endwise, athe shivers crawling up like slow malenky lizards and then down again. Because I knew what she sang. It was a bit from the glorious 9th, by Ludwig van. Dim makes a lip-trump followed by a dog howl, followed by two fingers pronging twice in the air, followed by a clowny guffaw. Alex brings his stick down smartly on Dim's legs. What did you do that for? -What did you do that for? For being a bastard with no manners and not a dook of an idea how to comport yourself publicwise, O my Brother. -For being a bastard with no manners and not a dook of an idea how to comport yourself publicwise, O my Brother. I don't like you should do what you done. And I'm not your brother no more and wouldn't want to be. -I don't like you should do what you done. And I'm not your brother no more and wouldn't want to be. Watch that... Do watch that, O Dim, if to continue to be on live thou dost wish. -Watch that... Do watch that, O Dim, if to continue to be on live thou dost wish. Yarbles, great bolshy yarblockos to you I'll meet you with chain, or nozh or britva, any time, not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. It stands to reason, I won't have it. -Yarbles, great bolshy yarblockos to you I'll meet you with chain, or nozh or britva, any time, not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. It stands to reason, I won't have it. A nozh scrap any time you say. Dim weakens. -A nozh scrap any time you say. Dim weakens. Doobidoob... a bit tired maybe, everybody is. A long night for growing malchicks... best not to say more. Bedways is rigthways now, so best we go homeways and get a bit of spatchka. Right, right. -He are here! He have arrived! Hooray! Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit? Georgie rises. -Sorry about the pain. Using the gulliver to much like, eh? Giving orders and disciplining and that perhaps, eh? You sure the pain's gone? You sure you'll not be happier back up in bed. Lets get things nice and sparkling clear. This sarcasm, if I may call it such, does not become you, O my brothers. As I am your droog and leader, I am entitled to know what goes on, eh? Now then, Dim, what does that great big horsy gape of a grin portend? -One minoota, droogie. Dim smashes Alex in the face with a full milk bottle. He goes down. The others run away, laughing. You bastards... bastards. -Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, if it isn't little Alex. Long time no viddy, droog. How goes? Surprised are you? Impossible... I don't believe it. -Come on, Alex. Come for walkies. Hahahahaha. Come, come, my little droogies. I just don't get this at all. The old days are dead and gone. For what I did in the past I've been punished. -Come, come, my little droogies. I just don't get this at all. The old days are dead and gone. For what I did in the past I've been punished. Been punished, yeah? -Been punished, yeah? I've been cured. -I've been cured. Been cured, yeah, that was read out to us. The Inspector read all that out to us. He said it was a very good way. -Been cured, yeah, that was read out to us. The Inspector read all that out to us. He said it was a very good way. I just don't get this all. It was them that went for me, brothers. You're not on their side and can't be. You can't be Dim. It was someone we fillied with back in the old days... Trying to get his own malenky bit of revenge after all this time. You remember, Dim? -I just don't get this all. It was them that went for me, brothers. You're not on their side and can't be. You can't be Dim. It was someone we fillied with back in the old days... Trying to get his own malenky bit of revenge after all this time. You remember, Dim? Long time, is right. I don't remember them days too horrorshow. Don't call me Dim no more, either. Officer, call me. -Dear, dear, dear. Whatever happened to you, my boy? Mr. Alexander, now confined to a wheelchair, pushes himself away from his desk, and rolls up to Julian. The water drips off Alex's clothes. They look at each other. The police... The horrible ghastly Police. They beat me up, sir. The Police beat me up, sir. Mr. Alexander stares at him. It becomes apparent he is insane. -The police... The horrible ghastly Police. They beat me up, sir. The Police beat me up, sir. Mr. Alexander stares at him. It becomes apparent he is insane. I know who you are! Isn't it your picture in the newspapers? Didn't I see you this morning on the video? Are you not the poor victim of this horrible new technique? -I know who you are! Isn't it your picture in the newspapers? Didn't I see you this morning on the video? Are you not the poor victim of this horrible new technique? Yes, sir, that's exactly who I am, sir... and what I am... a victim, sir. Mr. Alexander becomes frenzied as the speech progresses. -Yes, sir, that's exactly who I am, sir... and what I am... a victim, sir. Mr. Alexander becomes frenzied as the speech progresses. Then, by God, you have been sent here by providence. Tortured in prison, then thrown out to be tortured by the Police. My heart goes out to you, poor, poor boy. Oh, you are not the first to come here in distress. The Police are fond of bringing their victims to the outskirts of this village. But it is providential that you, who are also another kind of victim, should come here. But you're cold and shivering. Julian, draw a bath for this young man. -Good evening, sir. Good evening. -Good evening. It was very kind of you to leave this out for me, sir. There was no-one around when I finished my bath, so I started. I hope that's alright, sir. -It was very kind of you to leave this out for me, sir. There was no-one around when I finished my bath, so I started. I hope that's alright, sir. Of course. Food alright? -Of course. Food alright? Great, sir. Great. -Great, sir. Great. Try the wine! -Try the wine! Thank you very much, sir. Cheers Suddenly the thought occurs to Alex that the wine may be drugged or poisoned. -Thank you very much, sir. Cheers Suddenly the thought occurs to Alex that the wine may be drugged or poisoned. Won't you join me, sir? -Won't you join me, sir? No, my health doesn't allow it. -No, my health doesn't allow it. And you, sir? -I'm so pleased you appreciate good wine. Have another glass! Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir. My wife... Alex freezes. -My wife... Alex freezes. ... used to do everything for me and leave me to my writing. -... used to do everything for me and leave me to my writing. Your wife, sir? Has she gone away? -Your wife, sir? Has she gone away? No. She's dead! -No. She's dead! I'm sorry to hear about that, sir. His face contorted in rage. -I'm sorry to hear about that, sir. His face contorted in rage. She was very badly raped, you see. We were assaulted by a gang of vicious young hooligans in this house, in this very room you're sitting in now. I was left a helpless cripple. The doctors said it was Pneumonia, because it happened some months later during the 'flu epidemic. The doctors told me it was Pneumonia, but I knew what it was. A victim of the modern age, poor, poor girl. Suddenly his mood changes. He wheels right up to Alex. -She was very badly raped, you see. We were assaulted by a gang of vicious young hooligans in this house, in this very room you're sitting in now. I was left a helpless cripple. The doctors said it was Pneumonia, because it happened some months later during the 'flu epidemic. The doctors told me it was Pneumonia, but I knew what it was. A victim of the modern age, poor, poor girl. Suddenly his mood changes. He wheels right up to Alex. And now you, another victim of the modern age. But you can be helped. I phoned some friends while you were having a bath. -And now you, another victim of the modern age. But you can be helped. I phoned some friends while you were having a bath. Phoned some friends, sir? -Phoned some friends, sir? Yes. They want to help. -Yes. They want to help. Help me, sir? -Help me, sir? Help you. -Help you. Who are they, sir? -Who are they, sir? They're very, very important people and they're interested in you. Bell rings. Julian rises, -They're very, very important people and they're interested in you. Bell rings. Julian rises, Julian. This will be these people now. Alex gets up. -Julian. This will be these people now. Alex gets up. Look, sir. I'm sorry to have troubled you. I think I ought to be going, sir. Julian bars the way. -Look, sir. I'm sorry to have troubled you. I think I ought to be going, sir. Julian bars the way. No, no my boy. No trouble at all. Alex slowly sits. -Excuse me, missus, can you please help? There's been a terrible accident. Can I please use your telephone for an ambulance? I'm frightfully sorry. There is a telephone in the Public House about a mile down the road. I suggest you use that. -I'm frightfully sorry. There is a telephone in the Public House about a mile down the road. I suggest you use that. But, missus, this is an emergency. It's a matter of life and death. Me friend's lying in the middle of the road bleeding to death. -But, missus, this is an emergency. It's a matter of life and death. Me friend's lying in the middle of the road bleeding to death. I... I'm very sorry, but I never open. I'm very sorry but I never open the door to strangers after dark. -I... I'm very sorry, but I never open. I'm very sorry but I never open the door to strangers after dark. Very well, madam. I suppose you can't be blamed for being suspicious with so many scoundrels and rouges of the night about. Alex walks away from door, then ducks into the bushes where the others are hiding. They put on their maskies and follow Alex round to the rear of the house. -Hi, hi, hi there, at last we meet. What the bloody hell d'you think you're doing? -What the bloody hell d'you think you're doing? Our brief govereet thru the letter hole was not, shall we say, satisfactory, yes? -Our brief govereet thru the letter hole was not, shall we say, satisfactory, yes? Now listen here, you little bastard, just you turn around and walk out of here the same way as you came in. Alex eyes a giant white, fibreglass phallic sculpture on the table beside him. -Now listen here, you little bastard, just you turn around and walk out of here the same way as you came in. Alex eyes a giant white, fibreglass phallic sculpture on the table beside him. Naughty, naughty, naughty, you filthy old soomaka. -Naughty, naughty, naughty, you filthy old soomaka. No! No! Don't touch it. That's a very important work of art. What the bloody hell do you want? -No! No! Don't touch it. That's a very important work of art. What the bloody hell do you want? You see, madam, I am part of an international student's contest to see who can get the most points for selling magazines. -You see, madam, I am part of an international student's contest to see who can get the most points for selling magazines. Cut the shit, sonny, and get out of here before you get yourself in some very serious trouble. He rocks the giant phallus which has a special weight swinging inside causing it to swing up and down an eccentric motion. -So this is the young man? How do you do, sir? -How do you do, sir? Hullo. -Hullo. Missus. Very pleased to meet you. -Very kind of you, sir. Thank you very much. I understand that you had a rather unfortunate encounter with the Police tonight. -I understand that you had a rather unfortunate encounter with the Police tonight. Yes, sir. I suppose you might call it that, sir. -Yes, sir. I suppose you might call it that, sir. Hahaha, and how are you feeling now? -Hahaha, and how are you feeling now? Much better, thank you, sir. -Much better, thank you, sir. Feel like talking to us. Answering a few questions? -Feel like talking to us. Answering a few questions? Fine, sir, fine. -Fine, sir, fine. Well, as I've said, we've heard about you. We are interested in your case. We want to help you. -Well, as I've said, we've heard about you. We are interested in your case. We want to help you. Thank you very much, sir. -Thank you very much, sir. But first we'd like to find out a few things about you. -But first we'd like to find out a few things about you. What would you like to know, sir? -What would you like to know, sir? Well, shall we get down to it? -Well, shall we get down to it? Yes, sir. Rubinstein takes out a notebook. -It's past eight, Alex, you don't want to be late for school, son. Bit of pain in the gulliver, Mum. Leave us be and I'll try to sleep it off... then I'll be as right as dodgers for this after. -Bit of pain in the gulliver, Mum. Leave us be and I'll try to sleep it off... then I'll be as right as dodgers for this after. You've not been to school all week, son. -You've not been to school all week, son. I've got to rest, Mum... got to get fit, otherwise I'm liable to miss a lot more school. -I've got to rest, Mum... got to get fit, otherwise I'm liable to miss a lot more school. Eeee... I'll put your breakfast in the oven. I've got to be off myself now. -Eeee... I'll put your breakfast in the oven. I've got to be off myself now. Alright, Mum... have a nice day at the factory. -Hi. Hi. Hi, there my Pee and Em. All three look up startled. Alex. -Alex. Hullo love, how are you? Nice to see you, Dad. -Why didn't you let us know what was happening, son? Sorry, Em, I wanted it to be like... a big surprise for you and pee. -Ah, Alex boy, awake at last, yes? I met your mother on the way to work, yes? She gave me the key. She said something about a pain somewhere... hence not at school , yes? A rather intolerable pain in the head, brother, sir. I think it should be clear by this afterlunch. -A rather intolerable pain in the head, brother, sir. I think it should be clear by this afterlunch. Oh, or certainly by this evening, yes? The evening's a great time, isn't it, Alex boy? -Oh, or certainly by this evening, yes? The evening's a great time, isn't it, Alex boy? A cup of the old chai, sir? -A cup of the old chai, sir? No time, no time, yes. Sit, sit, sit. Alex sits next to him. -No time, no time, yes. Sit, sit, sit. Alex sits next to him. "To what do I owe this extreme pleasure, sir? Anything wrong, sir? Deltoid ""playfully"" grabs Alex's hair." -"To what do I owe this extreme pleasure, sir? Anything wrong, sir? Deltoid ""playfully"" grabs Alex's hair." Wrong? Why should you think of anything being wrong, have you been doing something you shouldn't. Yes? He shakes Alex's hair. -Wrong? Why should you think of anything being wrong, have you been doing something you shouldn't. Yes? He shakes Alex's hair. Just a manner of speech, sir. -Just a manner of speech, sir. Well, yes, it's just a manner of speech from your Post Corrective Advisor to you that you watch out, little Alex. He puts his arm round Alex's shoulder. -Well, yes, it's just a manner of speech from your Post Corrective Advisor to you that you watch out, little Alex. He puts his arm round Alex's shoulder. Because next time it's going to be the barry place and all my work ruined. If you've no respect for your horrible self, you at least might have some for me who'se sweated over you. He slaps Alex on the knee. -Because next time it's going to be the barry place and all my work ruined. If you've no respect for your horrible self, you at least might have some for me who'se sweated over you. He slaps Alex on the knee. A big black mark I tell you for every one we don't reclaim. A confession of failure for every one of you who ends up in the stripy hole. -A big black mark I tell you for every one we don't reclaim. A confession of failure for every one of you who ends up in the stripy hole. I've been doing nothing I shouldn't, sir. The millicents have nothing on me, brother, sir, I mean. Deltoid pulls Alex down on the bed. -I've been doing nothing I shouldn't, sir. The millicents have nothing on me, brother, sir, I mean. Deltoid pulls Alex down on the bed. Cut out all this clever talk about milicents. Just because the Police haven't picked you up lately doesn't, as you very well know, mean that you've not been up to some nastiness. There was a bit of a nastiness last night, yes. Some very extreme nastiness, yes. A few of a certain Billyboy's friends were ambluenced off late last night, yes. Your name was mentioned, the word's got thru to me by the usual channels. Certain friends of yours were named also. Oh, nobody can prove anything about anybody as usual, but I'm warning you, little Alex, being a good friend to you as always, the one man in this sore and sick community who wants to save you from yourself. Deltoid makes a grab for Alex's joint but finds his hand instead. Alex laughs. Derisively and rises. Deltoid distractedly reaches for a glass of water on the night table, and fails to notice a set of false teeth soaking in them. He drinks from the glass. The clink of the teeth sounding like ice-cubes. -Cut out all this clever talk about milicents. Just because the Police haven't picked you up lately doesn't, as you very well know, mean that you've not been up to some nastiness. There was a bit of a nastiness last night, yes. Some very extreme nastiness, yes. A few of a certain Billyboy's friends were ambluenced off late last night, yes. Your name was mentioned, the word's got thru to me by the usual channels. Certain friends of yours were named also. Oh, nobody can prove anything about anybody as usual, but I'm warning you, little Alex, being a good friend to you as always, the one man in this sore and sick community who wants to save you from yourself. Deltoid makes a grab for Alex's joint but finds his hand instead. Alex laughs. Derisively and rises. Deltoid distractedly reaches for a glass of water on the night table, and fails to notice a set of false teeth soaking in them. He drinks from the glass. The clink of the teeth sounding like ice-cubes. What gets into you all? We study the problem. We've been studying it for damn well near a century, yes, but we get no further with our studies. You've got a good home here, good loving parents, you've got not too bad of a brain. Is it some devil that crawls inside of you? -What gets into you all? We study the problem. We've been studying it for damn well near a century, yes, but we get no further with our studies. You've got a good home here, good loving parents, you've got not too bad of a brain. Is it some devil that crawls inside of you? Nobody's got anything on me, brother, sir. I've been out of the rookers of the milicents for a long time now. -Nobody's got anything on me, brother, sir. I've been out of the rookers of the milicents for a long time now. That's just worries me. A bit too long to long to be reasonable. You're about due now by my reckoning, that's why I'm warning you, little Alex, to keep your handsome young proboscis out of the dirt. Do I make myself clear? -That's just worries me. A bit too long to long to be reasonable. You're about due now by my reckoning, that's why I'm warning you, little Alex, to keep your handsome young proboscis out of the dirt. Do I make myself clear? As an unmuddied lake, sir. Clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, sir. Deltoid drinks again but this time sees the teeth in the glass. He groans and retches. -You are now a murderer, little Alex. A murderer, yes. Not true, sir. It was only a slight tolchock. She was breathing, I swear it. -Not true, sir. It was only a slight tolchock. She was breathing, I swear it. I've just come back from the hospital. Your victim has died. -I've just come back from the hospital. Your victim has died. You try to frighten me, sir, admit so, sir. This is some new form of torture. Say it, brother, sir. -You try to frighten me, sir, admit so, sir. This is some new form of torture. Say it, brother, sir. It will be your own torture. I hope to God it will torture you to madness. -The newspapers mentioned that in addition to your being conditioned against acts of sex and violence, you've inadvertently been conditioned against music. Well, er, I think that was something that they hadn't planned for, you see, Missus, I'm very fond of music and always have been, especially Beethoven, Ludwig van... Beethoven. B... E... E... He leans over and looks at her writing in notebook. -Well, er, I think that was something that they hadn't planned for, you see, Missus, I'm very fond of music and always have been, especially Beethoven, Ludwig van... Beethoven. B... E... E... He leans over and looks at her writing in notebook. It's alright, thank you. -It's alright, thank you. And it just so happened that while they were showing me a particularly bad film, of like a concentration camp, the background music was playing Beethoven. -And it just so happened that while they were showing me a particularly bad film, of like a concentration camp, the background music was playing Beethoven. So now you have the same reaction to music as you do to sex and violence? -So now you have the same reaction to music as you do to sex and violence? Oh well, it's... it's not all music you see, Missus. It's just the 9th. -Oh well, it's... it's not all music you see, Missus. It's just the 9th. You mean Beethoven's 9th Symphony? -You mean Beethoven's 9th Symphony? That's right. Er... I can't listen to the 9th any more at all. When I hear the 9th, I get like this funny feeling. -That's right. Er... I can't listen to the 9th any more at all. When I hear the 9th, I get like this funny feeling. When you say this funny feeling, you mean the state of mind brought on by the treatment they gave you? -When you say this funny feeling, you mean the state of mind brought on by the treatment they gave you? That is correct, sir. And then all I can think about is like trying to snuff it. -That is correct, sir. And then all I can think about is like trying to snuff it. I beg your pardon? -I beg your pardon? Snuff it, sir... um... death, I mean, missus... Er... I just want to die peacefully like with no... pain. -Snuff it, sir... um... death, I mean, missus... Er... I just want to die peacefully like with no... pain. Do you feel that way now? -Do you feel that way now? Um... oh no, sir, not exactly, I still feel very miserable, very much down in spirits. -Um... oh no, sir, not exactly, I still feel very miserable, very much down in spirits. Do you still feel suicidal? -Do you still feel suicidal? Um... well, put it this way... I feel very low in myself. I can't see much in the future, and I feel that any second something terrible is going to happen to me. He pitches forward, face into the plate of spaghetti. -Um... well, put it this way... I feel very low in myself. I can't see much in the future, and I feel that any second something terrible is going to happen to me. He pitches forward, face into the plate of spaghetti. Well done, Frank. Julian, get the car, will you please? -We got worried. There we were waiting and drinking away at the old knify Moloko and you had not turned up and we thought you might have been like offended by something or other, so around we come to your abode. Appy polly loggies. I had something of a pain in the gulliver so had to sleep. I was not awakened when I gave orders for awakening. -All right, no more picking on Dim, brother. That's part of the new way. New way? What's this about a new way? There's been some very large talk behind my sleeping back, and no error. Let me hear more. -New way? What's this about a new way? There's been some very large talk behind my sleeping back, and no error. Let me hear more. Well, we go round shop crasting and the like, coming out with a pitiful rookerful of money each. -And what will you do with the big, big, money? Have you not everything you need? If you need a motor-car, you pluck it from the trees. If you need pretty polly, you take it. Brother, you think and talk sometimes like a little child. Tonight we pull a mansize crast. -Brother, you think and talk sometimes like a little child. Tonight we pull a mansize crast. Good. Real horrorshow. Initiative comes to them as waits. I've taught you much, my little droogies. Now tell me what you have in mind, Georgie Boy. -Good. Real horrorshow. Initiative comes to them as waits. I've taught you much, my little droogies. Now tell me what you have in mind, Georgie Boy. Oh, the old moloko-plus first, would you not say -Not tonight - not this nochy. Come, come, come, Georgie Boy. You're a big strong chelloveck like us all. We're not little children, are we, Georgie Boy? What, then, didst thou in thy mind have? Confrontation. Georgie backs down. -Come, come, come, Georgie Boy. You're a big strong chelloveck like us all. We're not little children, are we, Georgie Boy? What, then, didst thou in thy mind have? Confrontation. Georgie backs down. It's this Health Farm. A bit out of the town. Isolated. It's owned by this like very rich ptitsa who lives there with her cats. The place is shut down for a week and she's completely on her own, and it's full up with like gold and silver and like jewels. -It's this Health Farm. A bit out of the town. Isolated. It's owned by this like very rich ptitsa who lives there with her cats. The place is shut down for a week and she's completely on her own, and it's full up with like gold and silver and like jewels. Tell me more, Georgie Boy. -Who said that? I did, sir. -I did, sir. What crime did you commit. -What crime did you commit. The accidental killing of a person, sir. -Thank you very much for this chance, sir. Let's hope you make the most of it, my boy. -She came towards me with the light like it was the like light of heavenly grace, and the first thing that flashed into my gulliver was that I would like to have her right down there on the floor with the old in-out, real savage. But quick as a shot came the sickness, like a detective that had been watching around the corner and now followed to make his arrest. Alex retching. Minister rises. Thank you very much. Thank you my dear. Girl bows and exits to loud applause. -Thank you very much. Thank you my dear. Girl bows and exits to loud applause. Not feeling too bad now are you? -Not feeling too bad now are you? No, sir, I feel really great. -No, sir, I feel really great. Good. -Good. Was I alright, sir? Did I do well, sir? -Was I alright, sir? Did I do well, sir? Fine. Absolutely fine. You see, Ladies and Gentlemen our subject is, you see, impelled towards good by paradoxically being impelled toward evil. The intention to act violently is accompanied by strong feelings of physical distress. To counter these, the subject has to switch to a diametrically opposed attitude. Any questions? Priest rises and moves to Alex. -Good evening, my boy. Hi, hi, hi there, my little droogies. -Yes, sir, and a very lovely place it is too, sir, when I wake up in the middle of the night with my pain. Yes... well good to see you on the mend. I've kept in constant touch with the hospital, of course, and now I've come to see you personally to see how you're getting along. -Yes... well good to see you on the mend. I've kept in constant touch with the hospital, of course, and now I've come to see you personally to see how you're getting along. I've suffered the tortures of the damned. The tortures of the damned, sir. -I've suffered the tortures of the damned. The tortures of the damned, sir. Yes I can... Oh look, let me do that for you, shall I? -Yes I can... Oh look, let me do that for you, shall I? Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir. I can tell you that I... and the Government of which I am a member are deeply sorry about this, my boy. Deeply sorry. We tried to help you. We followed recommendations had been made to us that turned out to be wrong. An enquiry will place the responsibility where it belongs. We want you to regard us as friends. We've put you right, you're the best of treatments. We never wished you harm, but there are some that did and do, and I think you know who those are. There are certain people who wanted to use you for political ends. People who would have been glad to have you dead because then they would have been able to blame it all on the Government. I think you know who those are. There is also a certain man - a writer of subversive literature - who has been howling for your blood. He's been mad with desire to stick a knife into you, but you're safe from him now, we've put him away. He found out that you had done wrong to him - at least he believed you had done wrong. He had formed this idea in his head that you h -I can tell you that I... and the Government of which I am a member are deeply sorry about this, my boy. Deeply sorry. We tried to help you. We followed recommendations had been made to us that turned out to be wrong. An enquiry will place the responsibility where it belongs. We want you to regard us as friends. We've put you right, you're the best of treatments. We never wished you harm, but there are some that did and do, and I think you know who those are. There are certain people who wanted to use you for political ends. People who would have been glad to have you dead because then they would have been able to blame it all on the Government. I think you know who those are. There is also a certain man - a writer of subversive literature - who has been howling for your blood. He's been mad with desire to stick a knife into you, but you're safe from him now, we've put him away. He found out that you had done wrong to him - at least he believed you had done wrong. He had formed this idea in his head that you h Where is he now, sir? -Where is he now, sir? We put him away where he can do you no harm. You see we are looking after your interests. We are interested in you, and when you leave here you will have no further worries. We shall see to everything... a good job on a good salary. -We put him away where he can do you no harm. You see we are looking after your interests. We are interested in you, and when you leave here you will have no further worries. We shall see to everything... a good job on a good salary. What job and how much? -What job and how much? You must have an interesting job at a salary which you would regard as adequate. Not only for the job which you are going to do and in compensation for what you believe you have suffered, but also because you are helping us. -You must have an interesting job at a salary which you would regard as adequate. Not only for the job which you are going to do and in compensation for what you believe you have suffered, but also because you are helping us. Helping you, sir? -Helping you, sir? We always help our friends, don't we? It is no secret that the Government has lost a lot of popularity because of you, my boy. There are some that think that at the next election we shall be out. The press has chosen to take a very unfavourable view of what we tried to do. -We always help our friends, don't we? It is no secret that the Government has lost a lot of popularity because of you, my boy. There are some that think that at the next election we shall be out. The press has chosen to take a very unfavourable view of what we tried to do. Well, who can blame them, sir? -Well, who can blame them, sir? Mmmm, possibly. Yes. But public opinion has a way of changing and you, Alex, if I may call you, Alex? -Mmmm, possibly. Yes. But public opinion has a way of changing and you, Alex, if I may call you, Alex? Certainly, sir. What do they call you at home? -Certainly, sir. What do they call you at home? My name is Frederick. As I was saying, Alex, you can be instrumental in changing the public verdict. Do you understand, Alex? Have I made myself clear? -My name is Frederick. As I was saying, Alex, you can be instrumental in changing the public verdict. Do you understand, Alex? Have I made myself clear? As an unmuddied lake, Fred. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, Fred. -As an unmuddied lake, Fred. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, Fred. Good... good boy. Oh yes, I understand you're fond of music. I have arranged a little surprise for you. -Good... good boy. Oh yes, I understand you're fond of music. I have arranged a little surprise for you. Surprise? -Surprise? One I think you will like... as a, how shall I put it, as a symbol of our new understanding. An understanding between two friends. -One I think you will like... as a, how shall I put it, as a symbol of our new understanding. An understanding between two friends. Thank you, Fred. Thank you. Minister turns and signals. Door opens and a crowd of cameramen and reporters rush in. Aides push two 6-foot loudspeakers and a Hi-Fi on a trolley. -Hullo lad. What a surprise, good to see you. Keeping fit then? -Keeping fit then? Fine, fine. -Fine, fine. Well, how are you then? -Well, how are you then? Oh fine, fi. Keeping out of trouble, you know. -Oh fine, fi. Keeping out of trouble, you know. Well - I'm back. -Well - I'm back. Aye. Glad to see you back, lad. -That's right, Dad they did a great job on my gulliver, I'm completely reformed. Aye. -Aye. Well, still the same old place then, eh? -Well, still the same old place then, eh? Oh, aye, aye. -Oh, aye, aye. Hey, Dad, there's a strange fella sitting on the sofa there munchy- wunching lomticks of toast. -Hey, Dad, there's a strange fella sitting on the sofa there munchy- wunching lomticks of toast. Aye, that's Joe. He... ummmm, lives here now. The lodger. That's what he is... he... he rents your room. Alex confronts Joe. -Aye, that's Joe. He... ummmm, lives here now. The lodger. That's what he is... he... he rents your room. Alex confronts Joe. How do you do, Joe? Find the room comfortable, do you? No complaints? -No thanks, Mum. It'll pass in a minute... ... What have you done with all my own personal things? Well. That was all took away, son, by the Police. New regulation about compensation for the victim. -Well. That was all took away, son, by the Police. New regulation about compensation for the victim. What about Basil? Where's my snake? -What about Basil? Where's my snake? Oh well, he met with like an accident. He passed away. Alex becomes a bit weepy. -Oh well, he met with like an accident. He passed away. Alex becomes a bit weepy. What's gonna happen to me then? I mean that's my room he's in - there's no denying that. This is my home also. What suggestions have you, my Pee and Em, to make? -What's gonna happen to me then? I mean that's my room he's in - there's no denying that. This is my home also. What suggestions have you, my Pee and Em, to make? Well, all this needs thinking about, son. I mean we can't very well just kick Joe out... Not just like that, can we? I mean Joe is here doing a job. A contract it is, two years. Well, we made like an arrangement, didn't we Joe? You see, son, Joe's paid next month's rent already so, well, whatever we do in the future, we cant just say to Joe to get out, now can we? -What gives, O my Pee and Em, what makes you think you are welcome? Em sobs. Pee comforts her. There, there mother, it's alright. He doesn't mean it. You were in the papers again, son. It said they had done great wrong to you. It said how the Government drove you to try and do yourself in... and when you think about it, son... maybe it was our fault too in a way... your home's your home when it's all said and done, son. Em sobs. -Hello, heap of dirt. Pooh, you don't wash much do you, judging by the horrible smell. Why do you say that, brother? I had a shower this morning. -Why do you say that, brother? I had a shower this morning. Oh, he had a shower this morning. You trying to call me a liar? -Oh, he had a shower this morning. You trying to call me a liar? No, brother. What d'you want? -No, brother. What d'you want? What do I want? -What do I want? Sorry, brother. I didn't mean any offence. -Sorry, brother. I didn't mean any offence. Oh. Oh, you're sorry are you, well you must think I'm awfully stupid. He slaps Alex in the face. -Oh. Oh, you're sorry are you, well you must think I'm awfully stupid. He slaps Alex in the face. Why did you do that, brother? I've never done wrong to you. -Why did you do that, brother? I've never done wrong to you. You want to know why I did that, well you see - I do that... He stamps on Alex's foot. -You want to know why I did that, well you see - I do that... He stamps on Alex's foot. ... and this... He pulls Alex's nose. -... and this... He pulls Alex's nose. ... and that... He pulls Alex's ear, pushes him off balance and plants his foot on his chest. -... and that... He pulls Alex's ear, pushes him off balance and plants his foot on his chest. ... because I don't like you horrible type, do I, and if you want to start something... if you want to start... go on... well, you just start. Please do. Alex retching. -... because I don't like you horrible type, do I, and if you want to start something... if you want to start... go on... well, you just start. Please do. Alex retching. I'm gonna be sick. -I'm gonna be sick. You're gonna be sick are you? -You're gonna be sick are you? I wanna be sick. -I wanna be sick. You wanna be sick? -You wanna be sick? Let me get up. -Let me get up. You wanna get up? Well, you've gotta you see... well I want you to lick it. Go on... Lick it. Alex, gagging and coughing, licks the sole of his shoe. -You wanna get up? Well, you've gotta you see... well I want you to lick it. Go on... Lick it. Alex, gagging and coughing, licks the sole of his shoe. ... And again... Go on!!! Again! There's a good boy. -... And again... Go on!!! Again! There's a good boy. And, O my brothers, would you believe your faithful friend and long suffering narrator pushed out his red yahzik a mile and a half to lick the grahzny, vonny boots. The horrible killing sickness had wooshed up and turned the like joy of battle into a feeling I was going to snuff it. Minister rises. -You are now in H.M. Prison Parkmoor and from this moment you will address all prison officers as sir! Name? Alexander de Large, sir. -Alexander de Large, sir. Crime? -Crime? Murder, sir. -Murder, sir. Right. Take the cuffs off him, Mister. The cuffs are removed. -Yes, sir. Then your toes belong on the other side of it!!! -Then your toes belong on the other side of it!!! Yes sir. -Yes sir. Right carry on. Alex tosses a bar of chocolate on the desk. -Right carry on. Alex tosses a bar of chocolate on the desk. Pick that up and put it down properly. Alex does so, and continues to empty his pockets. -Pick that up and put it down properly. Alex does so, and continues to empty his pockets. "One half bar of chocolate. One bunch of keys on white metal ring. One packet of cigarettes. Two plastic ball pens - one black, one red. One pocket comb - black plastic. One address book - imitation red leather. One ten penny piece. One white metal wristlet watch, ""Timawrist"" on a white metal expanding bracelet. Anything else in your pockets?" -"One half bar of chocolate. One bunch of keys on white metal ring. One packet of cigarettes. Two plastic ball pens - one black, one red. One pocket comb - black plastic. One address book - imitation red leather. One ten penny piece. One white metal wristlet watch, ""Timawrist"" on a white metal expanding bracelet. Anything else in your pockets?" No, sir. -No, sir. Right. Sign here for your valuable property. Alex signs. -Right. Sign here for your valuable property. Alex signs. The chocolate and cigarettes you brought in - you lose that as you are now convicted. Now go over to the table and get undressed. Alex walks to table and undresses. Chief Guard moves to table with his clipboard. -The chocolate and cigarettes you brought in - you lose that as you are now convicted. Now go over to the table and get undressed. Alex walks to table and undresses. Chief Guard moves to table with his clipboard. Now then, were you in Police custody this morning? -Now then, were you in Police custody this morning? No, sir. -Religion? C of E, sir. -C of E, sir. Do you mean Church of England? -Do you mean Church of England? Yes, sir, Church of England, sir. -Yes, sir, Church of England, sir. Brown hair, is it? -Brown hair, is it? Fair hair, sir. -Fair hair, sir. Blue eyes? -Blue eyes? Blue eyes, yes, sir. -Blue eyes, yes, sir. Do you wear eye glasses or contact lenses? -Do you wear eye glasses or contact lenses? No, sir. -Have you ever had any mental illness? No, sir. -No, sir. Do you wear any false teeth or false limbs? -Do you wear any false teeth or false limbs? No, sir. -Are you an Epileptic? No, sir. -No, sir. Right. The mothballs, Mister. -No, sir. Crabs? -Crabs? No, sir. -No, sir. Lice? -Lice? No, sir. -No, sir. Through there for a bath. -Through there for a bath. Yes, sir. -You're absolutely right, sir. Shut your bleedin' hole!!! -The next morning I was taken to the Ludovico Medical Facility, outside the town centre, and I felt a malenky bit sad having to say goodbye to the old Staja, as you always will when you leave a place you've like gotten used to. Chief Guard briskly leads the way for Alex and escort. They move into reception hall where the Doctor stands. Right. Halt the prisoner. Good morning, sir, I'm Chief Officer Barnes. I've got 655321 on a transfer from Parkmoor to the Ludovico Centre, sir! -Good morning, Alex, my name is Dr. Branom. I'm Doctor Brodsky's assistant. Good Morning, Missus. Lovely day, isn't it? -Good Morning, Missus. Lovely day, isn't it? Indeed it is. May I take this She removes his tray. -Indeed it is. May I take this She removes his tray. How're you feeling this morning? -How're you feeling this morning? Fine... fine. -Fine... fine. Good. In a few minutes, you'll meeting Dr. Brodsky and we'll begin your treatment. You're a very lucky boy to have been chosen. -Good. In a few minutes, you'll meeting Dr. Brodsky and we'll begin your treatment. You're a very lucky boy to have been chosen. I realise all that, Missus, and I'm very grateful to all concerned. -I realise all that, Missus, and I'm very grateful to all concerned. We're going to friends now, sir. -We're going to friends now, sir. I hope so, Missus. She inserts a needle into the medicine vial. -I hope so, Missus. She inserts a needle into the medicine vial. What's the hypo for then? Going to send me to sleep? -What's the hypo for then? Going to send me to sleep? Oh no, nothing of the sort. -Oh no, nothing of the sort. Vitamins will it be then? -Vitamins will it be then? Something like that. You are a little undernourished, so after each meal were going to give you a shot. Roll over on your right side please, loosen your pyjama pants and pull them half-way down. He does, somewhat reluctantly. She gives him a shot in the bum. -Something like that. You are a little undernourished, so after each meal were going to give you a shot. Roll over on your right side please, loosen your pyjama pants and pull them half-way down. He does, somewhat reluctantly. She gives him a shot in the bum. What exactly is the treatment here going to be then? -What exactly is the treatment here going to be then? It's quite simple really. Were just going to show you some films. -It's quite simple really. Were just going to show you some films. You mean like going to the pictures? -You mean like going to the pictures? Something like that. -Something like that. Well, that's good. I like to viddy the old films now and again. -Well, that was a very promising start. By my calculations, you should be starting to feel alright again. Yes? Dr. Brodsky's pleased with you. Now tomorrow there'll be two sessions, of course, morning and afternoon. You mean, I have to viddy two sessions in one day? -You mean, I have to viddy two sessions in one day? I imagine you'll be feeling a little bit limp by the end of the day. But we have to be hard on you. You have to be cured. -I imagine you'll be feeling a little bit limp by the end of the day. But we have to be hard on you. You have to be cured. But it was horrible. -But it was horrible. Well, of course, it was horrible. Violence is a very horrible thing. That's what you're learning now. Your body is learning it. -Well, of course, it was horrible. Violence is a very horrible thing. That's what you're learning now. Your body is learning it. I just don't understand about feeling sick the way I did. I never used to feel sick before. I used to feel like the very opposite. I mean, doing it or watching it, I used to feel real horrorshow. I just don't understand why, how what. -I just don't understand about feeling sick the way I did. I never used to feel sick before. I used to feel like the very opposite. I mean, doing it or watching it, I used to feel real horrorshow. I just don't understand why, how what. You felt ill this afternoon because you're getting better. You see, when we're healthy we respond to the presence of the hateful with fear and nausea. You're becoming healthy that's all. By this time tomorrow you'll be healthier still. -Are you referring to the background score? Yes!!! -Yes!!! You've heard Beethoven before? -You've heard Beethoven before? Yes!!! -How are you feeling today? Fine. Fine. -Fine. Fine. Good. I'm doctor Taylor. -Good. I'm doctor Taylor. I haven't seen you before. -I haven't seen you before. I'm your Psychiatrist. -I'm your Psychiatrist. Psychiatrist? Huh, do I need one? -Psychiatrist? Huh, do I need one? Just part of hospital routine. -Just part of hospital routine. What are we going to do? Talk about me sex life? -What are we going to do? Talk about me sex life? No... I'm going to show you some slides and you are going to tell me what you think about them Alright? -No... I'm going to show you some slides and you are going to tell me what you think about them Alright? Ohhh... jolly good. Perhaps you can explain me something to me first. -Ohhh... jolly good. Perhaps you can explain me something to me first. Yes? -Yes? Well, when I was all like ashamed up and half awake and unconscious like, I kept having this dream like all these doctors were playing around with me gulliver. You know... like the inside of me brain. I seemed to have this dream over and over again. D'you think it means anything? -Well, when I was all like ashamed up and half awake and unconscious like, I kept having this dream like all these doctors were playing around with me gulliver. You know... like the inside of me brain. I seemed to have this dream over and over again. D'you think it means anything? Patients who've sustained the kind of injuries you have often have dreams of this sort. It's all part of the recovery process. -Patients who've sustained the kind of injuries you have often have dreams of this sort. It's all part of the recovery process. Oh. -Oh. Now then, each of these slides needs a reply from one of the people in the picture. You'll tell me what you think the person would say. Alright? -Now then, each of these slides needs a reply from one of the people in the picture. You'll tell me what you think the person would say. Alright? Righty, right. The doctor reads aloud the dialogue printed in the cartoon balloon - a peacock. -Righty, right. The doctor reads aloud the dialogue printed in the cartoon balloon - a peacock. Isn't the plumage beautiful? -Isn't the plumage beautiful? I just say what the other person would say? -I just say what the other person would say? Yes. Yes, well don't think about it too long, just say the first thing that pops into your mind. -Yes. Yes, well don't think about it too long, just say the first thing that pops into your mind. Right... Knickers... Cabbages... It doesn't have a beak. Alex laughs. Slide of woman speaking to boy. -Right... Knickers... Cabbages... It doesn't have a beak. Alex laughs. Slide of woman speaking to boy. Good. The boy you always quarrelled with is seriously ill. -Good. The boy you always quarrelled with is seriously ill. That's right and I'll smash your face for you, yarblockos. Slide of watch shop. -That's right and I'll smash your face for you, yarblockos. Slide of watch shop. Good. It wa your fault... you sold me a crummy watch. I want my money back. -Good. It wa your fault... you sold me a crummy watch. I want my money back. Bollocks. You know what you can do with that watch? You can stick it up your arse. Slide of nude woman in bed, a man at the window. -Bollocks. You know what you can do with that watch? You can stick it up your arse. Slide of nude woman in bed, a man at the window. Good. What do you want? -Good. What do you want? Excuse me, missus. No time for the old in-out, I've just come to read the meter. Slide of bird's nest with eggs. -Excuse me, missus. No time for the old in-out, I've just come to read the meter. Slide of bird's nest with eggs. Good. You can do whatever you like with these. -Good. You can do whatever you like with these. Eggiwegs. I would like to smash 'em. Pick up th elot and f... owww... He slams his hand down and cries out with pain. -Eggiwegs. I would like to smash 'em. Pick up th elot and f... owww... He slams his hand down and cries out with pain. Fucking hell... -Fucking hell... Fine. Well, that's all there is to it. Are you alright? -Fine. Well, that's all there is to it. Are you alright? I hope so. Is that the end then? -I hope so. Is that the end then? Yes. -Yes. I was quite enjoying that. -I was quite enjoying that. Good. I'm glad -Good. I'm glad How many did I get right? -How many did I get right? It's not that kind of a test. But you seem well on the way to a complete recovery. -It's not that kind of a test. But you seem well on the way to a complete recovery. And when do I get out of here then? -And when do I get out of here then? I'm sure it won't be long now. -Very soon now the drug will cause the subject to experience a death- like paralysis together with deep feelings of terror and helplessness. One of our earlier test subjects described it as being like death, a sense of stifling and drowning, and it is during this period we have found the subject will make his most rewarding associations between his catastrophic experience and environment and the violence he sees. Alex retching violently and struggling against his strait jacket. Let me be sick... I want to get up. Get me something to be sick in... Stop the film... Please stop it... I can't stand it any more. Stop it please... please. -What's all this about sin? That!... Using Ludwig van like that! He did no harm to anyone. Beethoven just wrote music. -You're keen on music? Yes!!! -You needn't take it any further, sir. You've proved to me that all this ultra-violence and killing is wrong and terribly wrong. I've learned my lesson, sir. I see now what I've never seen before I'm cured, praise Bog! You're not cured yet, my boy. -You're not cured yet, my boy. You must take your chance boy. The choice has been all yours. -You must take your chance boy. The choice has been all yours. But, Sir... Missus... I see that it's wrong! It's wrong because it's like against like society. It's wrong because everybody has the right to live and be happy without being tolchocked and knifed. -But, Sir... Missus... I see that it's wrong! It's wrong because it's like against like society. It's wrong because everybody has the right to live and be happy without being tolchocked and knifed. No, no, boy. You really must leave it to us, but be cheerful about it. In less than a fortnight now, you'll be a free man. -One thing I could never stand is to see a filthy, dirty old drunkie, howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blerp, blerp in between as it might be a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, whatever his age might be, but more especially when he was real old like this one was. The boys stop and applaud him. Can you... can you spare some cutter, me brothers? Alex rams his stick into the Tramp's stomach. The boys laugh. -Can you... can you spare some cutter, me brothers? Alex rams his stick into the Tramp's stomach. The boys laugh. Oh-hhh!!! Go on, do me in you bastard cowards. I don't want to live anyway, not in a stinking world like this. -Oh-hhh!!! Go on, do me in you bastard cowards. I don't want to live anyway, not in a stinking world like this. Oh - and what's so stinking about it? -Oh - and what's so stinking about it? It's a stinking world because there's no law and order any more. It's a stinking world because it lets the young get onto the old like you done. It's no world for an old man any more. What sort of a world is it at all? Men on the moon and men spinning around the earth and there's not no attention paid to earthly law and order no more. The Tramp starts singing again. -Can you spare me some cutter, me brother? Can you spare some cutter, me brother? Alex, without looking at him, reaches in his pocket and gives him some money. Oh, thankyou, your honour. The Tramp takes a second look at Alex. -Oh, thankyou, your honour. The Tramp takes a second look at Alex. Jamey Mack! Be the hokey fly! Holy Mother of God! All the Holy Angels and blessed saints in Heaven preserve us. Alex breaks away but the Tramp toddles alongside him. -Jamey Mack! Be the hokey fly! Holy Mother of God! All the Holy Angels and blessed saints in Heaven preserve us. Alex breaks away but the Tramp toddles alongside him. I never forget a face! I never forget any face, be God! -I never forget a face! I never forget any face, be God! Leave me alone, brother. I've never seen you before. Tramp shouts to other Meths drinkers and Tramps. -Leave me alone, brother. I've never seen you before. Tramp shouts to other Meths drinkers and Tramps. This is the poisonous young swine that near done me in. Him and his friends beat me and kicked me and thumped me. Alex breaks away again. -This is the poisonous young swine that near done me in. Him and his friends beat me and kicked me and thumped me. Alex breaks away again. Stop him! Stop him! A leg is stuck out and Alex goes down. The tramp swarm all over him. -Stop him! Stop him! A leg is stuck out and Alex goes down. The tramp swarm all over him. They laughed at me blood and me moans. This murderous young pig is a prize specimen of the cowardly brutal young. He is in our midst and at our mercy. Give it to him. That's it. Old Tramps begin to beat at Alex. -They laughed at me blood and me moans. This murderous young pig is a prize specimen of the cowardly brutal young. He is in our midst and at our mercy. Give it to him. That's it. Old Tramps begin to beat at Alex. Then there was like a sea of dirty, smelly old men trying to get at your humble Narrator, with their feeble rookers and horny old claws. It was Old Age having a go at Youth and I daren't do a single solitary thing, O my brothers, it being better to be hit at like that, than want to be sick and feel that horrible pain. The Tramp crowd round Alex, shouting. -If thou lose hope being weary in the days of distress, thy strength shall be diminished. Fine, my boy, fine, fine. -Fine, my boy, fine, fine. Father, I have tried, have I not? -Father, I have tried, have I not? You have, my son. -You have, my son. I've done my best, have I not? -I've done my best, have I not? Indeed. -Indeed. And, Father, I've never been guilty of any institutional infractions, have I? -And, Father, I've never been guilty of any institutional infractions, have I? You certainly have not, 655321. You've been very helpful, and you've shown a genuine desire to reform. -You certainly have not, 655321. You've been very helpful, and you've shown a genuine desire to reform. Father - may I ask you a question in private? -Father - may I ask you a question in private? Certainly, my son, certainly. Is there something troubling you, my son? Don't be shy to speak up. Remember, I know all the urges that can trouble young men deprived of the society of women. -Certainly, my son, certainly. Is there something troubling you, my son? Don't be shy to speak up. Remember, I know all the urges that can trouble young men deprived of the society of women. No Father. It's nothing like that, Father. It's about this new thing they're all talking about. About this new treatment that you out of prison in no time at all and makes sure you never get back in again. -No Father. It's nothing like that, Father. It's about this new thing they're all talking about. About this new treatment that you out of prison in no time at all and makes sure you never get back in again. Where did you hear about this? Whose been talking about these things? -Where did you hear about this? Whose been talking about these things? These things get around, Father. Two Warders talk as it might be, and somebody can't help overhearing what they say. Then somebody picks up a scrap of newspaper in the workshops and the newspaper tells all about it. How about putting me in for this new treatment, Father? -These things get around, Father. Two Warders talk as it might be, and somebody can't help overhearing what they say. Then somebody picks up a scrap of newspaper in the workshops and the newspaper tells all about it. How about putting me in for this new treatment, Father? I take it you are referring to the Ludovico Technique? -I take it you are referring to the Ludovico Technique? I don't know what it's called, Father, all I know is that it gets you out quickly and makes sure that you never get in again. -I don't know what it's called, Father, all I know is that it gets you out quickly and makes sure that you never get in again. That's not proven, 655321. In fact, it is only in the experimental stage at this moment. -That's not proven, 655321. In fact, it is only in the experimental stage at this moment. But it is being used, isn't it, Father? -But it is being used, isn't it, Father? It has not been used yet in this prison. The Governor has grave doubts about it and I have heard that there are very serious dangers involved. -It has not been used yet in this prison. The Governor has grave doubts about it and I have heard that there are very serious dangers involved. I don't care about the danger, Father. I just want to be good. I want for the rest of my life to be one act of goodness. -I don't care about the danger, Father. I just want to be good. I want for the rest of my life to be one act of goodness. The question is weather or not this technique really makes a man good. Goodness comes from within. Goodness is chosen. When a man cannot chose, he ceases to be a man. -The question is weather or not this technique really makes a man good. Goodness comes from within. Goodness is chosen. When a man cannot chose, he ceases to be a man. I don't understand about the whys and wherefores, Father. I only know I want to be good. -I don't understand about the whys and wherefores, Father. I only know I want to be good. Be patient, my son, and put your trust in the Lord. -Be patient, my son, and put your trust in the Lord. Instruct thy son and he shall refresh thee and shall give delight to thy soul. -Instruct thy son and he shall refresh thee and shall give delight to thy soul. Amen. They cross themselves. -One jacket - blue pinstripe. Prison custody? -One shirt - blue, collar attached. Have you been receiving medical treatment for any serious illness? -One pair of trousers - blue pinstriped. Have you ever had any attacks of fainting or dizziness? -One pair of underpants - white with blue waistband. Are you now, or ever have been, a homosexual? -Mothballs, sir. Now then. Face the wall. Bend over and touch your toes. Chief Guard inspects Alex's anus with a penlight. -Very good, Chief. They inspect cells. Leave to carry on, sir, please? -Leave to carry on, sir, please? Carry on, Chief. -Carry on, Chief. Sir. -Sir, 655321, sir. Very good, Chief. Chief Guard turns to Alex. -Very good, Chief. Chief Guard turns to Alex. Forward to the white line, toes behind it. Full name and number to the Governor. Chief Guard closes door. -Shut your filthy hole, you scum!!! You are to be reformed. Tomorrow you go to this man, Brodsky. You wbe leaving here. You will be transferred to the Ludovico Medical Facility. It is believed that you will be able to leave State custody in a little over a fortnight. I suppose that prospect pleases you? -You are to be reformed. Tomorrow you go to this man, Brodsky. You wbe leaving here. You will be transferred to the Ludovico Medical Facility. It is believed that you will be able to leave State custody in a little over a fortnight. I suppose that prospect pleases you? Answer when the Governor asks you a question you filthy young swine! -Don't read it - sign it! "It says that you are willing to have the residue of your sentence commuted to the Ludovico treatment. Alex signs. Governor gathers up papers. Alex dots the last ""i"" and smiles." -Pitiful rookerful... And there's Will the English in the Muscleman coffee mesto saying he can fence anything that anything that any malchick tries to crast. -And there's Will the English in the Muscleman coffee mesto saying he can fence anything that anything that any malchick tries to crast. Yeah... Pete the English. -Yeah... Pete the English. The shiny stuff. The Ice. The big, big, big money is available's what Will the English says. -The shiny stuff. The Ice. The big, big, big money is available's what Will the English says. Big, big money. -Moloko-plus. Something to sharpen us up, you especially. We have the start. -Enough is remembered though, little Alex. Dim and Georgie laugh. They drag Alex to a low water through. This is to make sure you stay cured. Georgie hits Alex in the stomach with his blackjack. Then, they push his head under the water and methodically start to beat him with their blackjacks. After a full minute of this, they drag him out, halt-drowned, -Yes, I heard. D'you know what time he got in last night? No I don't know, luv, I'd taken my sleepers. -No I don't know, luv, I'd taken my sleepers. I wonder where exactly is it he goes to work of evenings. -I wonder where exactly is it he goes to work of evenings. Well, like he says, it's mostly odd things he does, helping like... here and there, as it might be. -Well, it's a surprise all right, a bit bewildering too. We've only just read about it in the morning papers. -We've only just read about it in the morning papers. Aye. You should have let us know, lad, not that we're not very pleased to see you again. All cured too, eh? -Well, what's the matter lad, are you feeling alright? Dad... It's the treatment. More retching. -D'you think we should do something? Would you like me to make you a nice cup of tea, son? -Hullo, son, how are you? Are you feeling better? -How many to a cell? Four in this block, sir. -Four in this block, sir. Cram criminals together and what do you get - concentrated criminality... crime in the midst of punishment. -Cram criminals together and what do you get - concentrated criminality... crime in the midst of punishment. I agree, sir. What we need are larger prisons. More money. -I agree, sir. What we need are larger prisons. More money. Not a chance, my dear fellow. The Ggovernment can't be concerned any longer with outmoded penological theories. Soon we may be needing all of out prison space for political offenders. Common criminals like these are best dealt with on a purely curative basis. Kill the criminal reflex that's all. Full implementation in a year's time. Punishment means nothing to them, you can see that... they enjoy their so-called punishment. Alex seizes his chance as they pass by. -Well, fine... we could still look at C-Block. No, no, no. That's enough. He's perfect. I want his records sent to me. This vicious young hoodlum will be transformed out of all recognition. -Shall we go to my office? Thank you. -Hi ya' doin'? Where to? Park Avenue and East 2nd. Take Centre to Canal, up the Bowery, Cooper and Third, left on 41st, come around on Park. -I'll take Sixth. It's faster. What? -What? Sixth is faster. -Sixth is faster. Sixth is a parking lot north of 23rd this time of day. -Sixth is a parking lot north of 23rd this time of day. The Bowery, you gotta deal with runoff from two bridges. -The Bowery, you gotta deal with runoff from two bridges. Sixth, you got delivery trucks blocking traffic at Herald Square. Look, I make this trip all the time. -Sixth, you got delivery trucks blocking traffic at Herald Square. Look, I make this trip all the time. First Friday of the month? Linens. Roll right off the trucks. They're in and out in twenty minutes... ...which means they left fifteen minutes ago. Traffic will be smooth. -But Bowery's fine, if that's what you want. We taking bets? What if you're wrong? -We taking bets? What if you're wrong? The ride is free. -The ride is free. You got a deal. -Go ahead, say it. No. I got lucky with the lights. -No. I got lucky with the lights. No. You were right, I was wrong... ...Max. -You like Bach? I used to play this piece back in high school. -I used to play this piece back in high school. Let me guess. Clarinet? -Let me guess. Clarinet? Violin. I never had the lungs for wind instruments. -Violin. I never had the lungs for wind instruments. Could'a fooled me, the way you were hollering into that cell phone. -Could'a fooled me, the way you were hollering into that cell phone. Different instrument altogether. You know, if you'd only listened to me, we'd be bogged down in traffic right now, and you could have made yourself an extra five bucks. -Different instrument altogether. You know, if you'd only listened to me, we'd be bogged down in traffic right now, and you could have made yourself an extra five bucks. Keep it. Go wild. Have a party. -Keep it. Go wild. Have a party. Why'd you do that? Don't tell me you're a gentleman, Max. I thought chivalry was dead as a necessary consequence of gender politics... -Why'd you do that? Don't tell me you're a gentleman, Max. I thought chivalry was dead as a necessary consequence of gender politics... It's no big deal. -It's no big deal. No? How many cabbies get you into an argument to save you money? -No? How many cabbies get you into an argument to save you money? There were two of us. I had the other guy killed. Don't need the competition... -You're an anomaly in today's world, Max. You're good at what you do, so you must take pride in it...? This? Temporary. To pay the bills and save. I got plans... -This? Temporary. To pay the bills and save. I got plans... Like what? -Like what? Travel...and things. -You like being a lawyer? You psychic? -You psychic? Sure. I'm starting an 800 hotline. Caught part of your phone call. And even if I hadn't, there's the dark pinstripe, Armani, elegant, not too hip, which rules out advertising, plus a top-of-the-line briefcase that you live out of, looks like Bottega... -Sure. I'm starting an 800 hotline. Caught part of your phone call. And even if I hadn't, there's the dark pinstripe, Armani, elegant, not too hip, which rules out advertising, plus a top-of-the-line briefcase that you live out of, looks like Bottega... Bottega. -Bottega. ...Bottega. Guy gets in my cab wearing a catcher's mask, I think he's a ballplayer. You? Definitely Clarence Darrow. -Not quite. He did defense. I'm a prosecutor... Big case? -Big case? Yeah. -You never answered my question. You like what you do? Most of the time. -Most of the time. But not now? -But not now? Like you, I'm good at it. But at this exact moment in time...like I gotta sumo wrestler on my shoulders until tomorrow morning. -Like you, I'm good at it. But at this exact moment in time...like I gotta sumo wrestler on my shoulders until tomorrow morning. You need a vacation. -You need a vacation. Just had one. -Just had one. Not in a cab... I mean a disconnection...get your head straight...you know, get it together... -Not in a cab... I mean a disconnection...get your head straight...you know, get it together... When was the last time you took one? -When was the last time you took one? Soon. But I take little ones all the time. Comoros Islands in the Indian Ocean. -Soon. But I take little ones all the time. Comoros Islands in the Indian Ocean. How often you go? -How often you go? Dozen times a day. -No, no way, I couldn't take that... Yes, you could. I think you need it more than I do. It'll help. I promise. -Thanks for everything, Max. Wow... Sure thing. -Annie...it's Max. Max... -Max... Max, the cab driver! -Max, the cab driver! Max? Oh... ...it's kind of a strange time to be calling... -Max? Oh... ...it's kind of a strange time to be calling... Listen to me! Just listen, okay? There's a man, Vincent, he's coming to kill you! -Listen to me! Just listen, okay? There's a man, Vincent, he's coming to kill you! He's...what? Say again? We're in cell hell... -He's...what? Say again? We're in cell hell... Kill you! He's coming to kill you! -Kill you! He's coming to kill you! If this is a joke, it's not funny. -If this is a joke, it's not funny. Dmitri hired him! He's already killed all your witnesses, now he's coming after you! He was stalking you when I dropped you off. I don't know what happened, but he diverted and got into my cab, instead. -Did you say Dmitri? How do you know about my case? I don't understand... It doesn't matter! Just get out of the goddamn building... -...okay, Max, I believe you...I'll get out of the building... No, no, wait... -...he's two floors below you. In my office? -In my office? Where are you, what floor? -Where are you, what floor? Seventh, files section. What should I do? -Seventh, files section. What should I do? He doesn't know you're up there! Just stay right where you are! Call the police! -He doesn't know you're up there! Just stay right where you are! Call the police! Max, I'm scared. Are you sure? -Max, I'm scared. Are you sure? Yes! Stay put, goddamn it! Don't move from that spot... -This your current address? Yes. -A deer? Comin' over Coldwater. Goddamn deer jumps out in front of me. You believe that? -Comin' over Coldwater. Goddamn deer jumps out in front of me. You believe that? You still carrying passengers? -You still carrying passengers? I was heading back to my garage. It's on the way. -I was heading back to my garage. It's on the way. This vehicle's not safe to drive. We're gonna have to impound it. Get you towed. Step away from the vehicle and pop the trunk. I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to find another cab. -Come on, it's been a long, shitty day. How about a break? I'll call a tow truck myself, I swear. I won't budge from this spot. Save me the grief. Step out of the car, sir, and open the trunk. -You dizzy? You want to sit down? I'm...fine. Fine. -I'm...fine. Fine. You sure? You look pretty shaky... -...I was just a young cat back then, about nineteen, bussin' tables in this very place. Didn't pay but shit, but that wasn't the point. Being around the music, that was the thing. And I was. Take this one night...July 22, 1964...who walks in? Mr. Louis Armstrong. You're kidding me. -You're kidding me. Right through those doors. The man himself. -Right through those doors. The man himself. Jesus... -Jesus... He'd come over from Queens to do the Ed Sullivan show. After, he decides to come on up to Harlem and hang with the common folk. That's how he was, you see. Never forgot where he came from. Money and fame an' all that? Meant nothin', long as he could blow that horn. So before you it, he's up on that stage, doin' his thing. -He'd come over from Queens to do the Ed Sullivan show. After, he decides to come on up to Harlem and hang with the common folk. That's how he was, you see. Never forgot where he came from. Money and fame an' all that? Meant nothin', long as he could blow that horn. So before you it, he's up on that stage, doin' his thing. Was it great? Better than great, it had to be... -Was it great? Better than great, it had to be... Like Winton Marsalis says, it was pure, spiritual essence. Louis was playing. God was smiling. -Like Winton Marsalis says, it was pure, spiritual essence. Louis was playing. God was smiling. You heard Armstrong play live. I've never been this jealous. You get to talk to him? -You heard Armstrong play live. I've never been this jealous. You get to talk to him? Did better'n that. -No. Oh, my, yes. -Oh, my, yes. Get outta here! You and Louis? -Get outta here! You and Louis? Fella owned this place back then, Dix Dwyer, he let slip to Louis that I played. So Pops, he just waves me right up. My heart about stopped. But I got up there all the same, and we played for nearly twenty minutes. -Fella owned this place back then, Dix Dwyer, he let slip to Louis that I played. So Pops, he just waves me right up. My heart about stopped. But I got up there all the same, and we played for nearly twenty minutes. Unbelievable... ...you hearing this? Unbelievable. -Remember what you played? "Most vividly. ""St. Louis Blues,"" ""Potato Head Blues,"" ""Sleepy Time Down South..."" ...then Pops laid some ""Cornet Chop Suey"" on me, and left me in the dust like a whipped dog." -"Most vividly. ""St. Louis Blues,"" ""Potato Head Blues,"" ""Sleepy Time Down South..."" ...then Pops laid some ""Cornet Chop Suey"" on me, and left me in the dust like a whipped dog." The crowd had to dig it. -The crowd had to dig it. The crowd was most kind. I was born in 1945, but my life began the night of July 22, 1964. That was the moment of my conception. Right here in this very room. -You know Dmitri? 'Fraid so. -And here I was thinking you were such a nice guy. I am a nice guy, Daniel. With a job to do. You know how it is. -What kind of question? Jazz question. What other kind is there? You get it right, we roll with it. You disappear. Tonight. You don't go home, you don't pack a bag, you just leave town...and nobody, I mean nobody, ever hears from you or sees you again. -Jazz question. What other kind is there? You get it right, we roll with it. You disappear. Tonight. You don't go home, you don't pack a bag, you just leave town...and nobody, I mean nobody, ever hears from you or sees you again. How do I know you'll keep your word? -How do I know you'll keep your word? I never lie. Ask Max. Max, have I lied yet? -One more thing. If by some chance I get this wrong...tell Dmitri I'm sorry. Of course. -Lay it on me. It's simple. What was your pal Louis' first musical instrument? -It's simple. What was your pal Louis' first musical instrument? I know the answer. I know all there is to know about Louis. -I know the answer. I know all there is to know about Louis. Then let's have it. -"I see. That was an important list, wouldn't you say? The people on that list are being subpoenaed tomorrow by a federal judge. And you ""lost"" it?" I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Sorry? -Tell me, Vincent. Do you believe in Santa Claus? Can't say that I do. -Can't say that I do. Neither do I. But my children, they're still young. Do you know who they like even more than jolly old Saint Nicholas? His helper, Black Peter. An old Russian fairy tale tells of how Santa got so busy looking after all the good kids, he had to hire a helper to punish all the bad kids. That was Black Peter's job. He was given the list of all the bad children, and he would visit them in their homes late at night. And if he caught them not saying their prayers, he would leave a bundle of wooden switches outside their door. That was a warning. If they continued to misbehave, he would swoop down and take the children away. And they would never be seen again. -Tell me Vincent. Tell me what you think. I think... -What? I think... ...I think you should get this gun out of my fucking face. -I think... ...I think you should get this gun out of my fucking face. What? What did you say? -What? What did you say? I said. Get the gun. Out. Of my fucking face. Before I wrap it in a blintz and feed it to you. -I picked up a tail. Federal? -Federal? You tell me. I had to toss the list in the river. I was protecting your sorry, long-winded ass. So why don't you show a little courtesy? -You think I wanted to come here tonight? You think I'm that stupid? Sometimes shit happens, you gotta roll with it. Tell me. Has Black Peter already crossed off a few bad children? -Tell me. Has Black Peter already crossed off a few bad children? The fat man on Cherry Street. The other fat man, Mr. Bulldozer. The trumpet player. That leaves two. -The fat man on Cherry Street. The other fat man, Mr. Bulldozer. The trumpet player. That leaves two. Can you finish on schedule? -Can you finish on schedule? In fifteen years, I have never left a customer unsatisfied. -Vincent. Do not cross me. Wouldn't dream of it. -As a token of my appreciation for your understanding in this matter, I'd like to offer you a discount for my services tonight. Twenty five percent. Twenty five? -Twenty five? Hell, make it fifty. Same goes for any business we have in the future. -Hell, make it fifty. Same goes for any business we have in the future. Very generous. -Very generous. By the way. Daniel said he was sorry. -Something going on? Pretty quiet down there. A cab just pulled up, aside from that... -...goddamn it, you telling me this motherfucker's whacked three of our witnesses tonight... ...Petrov and Cicerno for sure... -Advance team, two men, stick to that goddamn cab, stay in radio contact, the rest of us follow in the van. Nobody moves until the entire team's in place... Can you fax me his picture? His license or something? What do you mean you don't have that there? Anybody else in the cab? -...got off the phone with his dispatcher. What an asshole. Cabbie's name is Max Rilke, been driving that cab for ten years... So? -So? ...so, his description of Max the cabdriver matches the guy who walked out of Villa Rodeo. That guy? That guy is a cabbie. And you're telling me this cabbie walks into a phone booth and emerges as a meat eater, assassin with heavy trigger time? What's he do, squeeze 'em in between fares? -...so, his description of Max the cabdriver matches the guy who walked out of Villa Rodeo. That guy? That guy is a cabbie. And you're telling me this cabbie walks into a phone booth and emerges as a meat eater, assassin with heavy trigger time? What's he do, squeeze 'em in between fares? No. Your cabbie is floating down a storm drain or stuffed in the trunk of a cab. -Lemme tell you something. Vincent and a few other guys like him are fucking ghosts. Nobody even know what he looked like until now... I don't know... -What are you gonna do? Take him down. Save Richard Yip, our witness... -...this snitch of yours, what's his name, Ivan? Ivan Petrov. Supposed to meet me for dinner, never shows up. I come here, find this. -Ivan Petrov. Supposed to meet me for dinner, never shows up. I come here, find this. You guys been holding hands? -You guys been holding hands? Months now. He's been feeding me information on Dmitri. -Months now. He's been feeding me information on Dmitri. Dmitri Gusunov? What the fuck, why? Forget about Dimitri, Feds are all over him. They're a heartbeat away from taking him down. Word's gone out, they don't want us anywhere near him... -Dmitri Gusunov? What the fuck, why? Forget about Dimitri, Feds are all over him. They're a heartbeat away from taking him down. Word's gone out, they don't want us anywhere near him... Oh, we working for the Feds now? If my snitch flew out a window, he's got Dmitri's handprints on his ass. That makes it homicide, that makes it ours. -Oh, we working for the Feds now? If my snitch flew out a window, he's got Dmitri's handprints on his ass. That makes it homicide, that makes it ours. What homicide? Phil. Where's a body? Look. All we got is glass... -There was a car here, you can see where the glass came down all around it. Ivan flew out the window and went bam. He could'a been depressed. It still doesn't tell me homicide. -Remember that thing a few years back? That thing with the cab? What thing? -What thing? Cabbie drove around all night. Three people got killed. -Cabbie drove around all night. Three people got killed. Oh, right. The guy flipped out or something? Killed some people, then put a gun to his own head? -Oh, right. The guy flipped out or something? Killed some people, then put a gun to his own head? They found him dead in his own cab down by the Port Authority. -They found him dead in his own cab down by the Port Authority. So? It was a random thing. -So? It was a random thing. I never bought that. -I never bought that. Oh? -Oh? Cabbie had no criminal record, no history of mental illness. Suddenly, he just wigs out and pops three people, then himself? Plus the victims weren't random solid citizens. They were all lowlives. Wiseguys. I've always wondered if there was someone else in the cab. -...yeah, I'm still at Bellevue. The John Doe didn't pan out, but you'll never guess who's lying up in the meat locker. Elvis? -Elvis? Joey Cicerno. Dear friend and associate of my missing snitch, Ivan Petrov. Both of whom were in bed with Dmitri. -Joey Cicerno. Dear friend and associate of my missing snitch, Ivan Petrov. Both of whom were in bed with Dmitri. Jesus. Two in one night? -Jesus. Two in one night? Something big's going down, and I'm betting the Feds don't know about it. You gotta get us in there. -Something big's going down, and I'm betting the Feds don't know about it. You gotta get us in there. Pick me up in five minutes. -Captain Walt Muldoon, NYPD. Detective Sergeant Phil Heller. -What if they're wrong? Not our call, Phil. -Not our call, Phil. ...if they're wrong?! -...if they're wrong?! This isn't our goddamn game! -Why didn't you tell me we had company? And what's your name? No harm done, ma'am. -Happy to meet you, Mrs. Rilke. Oh, call me Ida. To what do we owe the pleasure? -I was with Max when he got the call. And you came all the way down here to see me? -And you came all the way down here to see me? It's nothing. -It's nothing. Tell my son. You have to hold a gun to his head to get him to come see me. -Tell my son. You have to hold a gun to his head to get him to come see me. Tell me about it. -Client? I like to think of myself as more of a friend. A mentor. Max never had many friends. So much with the piano. Always keeping to himself, it's unhealthy... -I'm sure you're very proud of Max. Of course I'm proud. You know he started with nothing? Look at him today. Playing concerts. -Quite an achievement... What's your name? -What's your name? Vincent... -I'm in town for a short time. Try? -Try? Of course! -Hi, Ma. I've been calling and calling. -I've been calling and calling. I got caught up at work. -I got caught up at work. You couldn't pick up a phone? I'm lying here, wondering if something horrible happened... -You couldn't pick up a phone? I'm lying here, wondering if something horrible happened... I brought you flowers. -I brought you flowers. What am I gonna do with flowers? -What am I gonna do with flowers? You're gonna cheer up. -You're gonna cheer up. By worrying about you spending money on foolish things? So I can watch them wilt? -By worrying about you spending money on foolish things? So I can watch them wilt? He paid for 'em. -You paid for my flowers? They're beautiful. Max, you gonna introduce us? Mom, Vincent. Vincent, my mother, Ida Rilke. -I'm...in...the...room, here. Don't talk about me like I'm not in the room. What's he sayin'? -What's he sayin'? I'm standing right here. -I'm standing right here. Yesss, you are. He's artistic. -I came to see you, you look fine. We gotta go. Vincent. It was nice to meet you. Visit again? -Oh. Oh, thank God, hey! Hey, guys, hey, help me out here! Yo, whassup? -Yo, whassup? I got my, my hands taped to the steering wheel here, there's this guy, he taped me in the car, he's back there somewhere. -You're kidding me. I'll fuck you up, you don't hand it over. -I'll fuck you up, you don't hand it over. My hands are taped to the fucking steering wheel! -...oh God, don't shoot me... ...show me the wallet, man, get your ass up, up... -I know you're out there! Answer the goddamn call! What happens if you don't? -He's not paying you one cent! Who the hell is this? -Vincent Farrell, Assistant U.S. Attorney. A passenger in this taxicab, and I'm reporting you to the DMV... Let's not get excited, sir. -Let's not get excited, sir. How am I supposed to not get excited, listening to you trying to extort your employee, you sarcastic prick? -How am I supposed to not get excited, listening to you trying to extort your employee, you sarcastic prick? I was just tryin' to...to... -I was just tryin' to...to... Tell it to Max. Tell him he's an asshole. -Max? Maaax. Pick up, dipshit. Jesus, what is with this guy? -Jesus, what is with this guy? Maaaaaax! -You hassling my driver again? Who is this? -Who is this? Same fare you talked to last time. The U.S. Attorney... -Same fare you talked to last time. The U.S. Attorney... What are you guys, taking an all-night tour? -What are you guys, taking an all-night tour? We're gay lovers, what's it to you? -We're gay lovers, what's it to you? Nothin'! Aside from Max's mother driving me crazy, I'm dancin' on a rainbow! Get him on the line, please. -Nothin'! Aside from Max's mother driving me crazy, I'm dancin' on a rainbow! Get him on the line, please. Hang on. Carefully... -He'll keep calling. Max! Dammit! Answer! -Uh, yeah? Lenny? It's me. I just got off the phone with the cops. They called to check you brought the cab in... -Yeah? So? So? Aside from I hate talking to cops, they tell me you crashed the shit out of it. -So? Aside from I hate talking to cops, they tell me you crashed the shit out of it. It got crashed! I didn't... -It got crashed! I didn't... I give a shit whose fault it was, you're payin'! -Yeah? Where you been the last two hours? Your mother's been calling every ten minutes whining about how you didn't show up. -...why is everything always about you... ...everything is not about me, don't make me the villain here. That asshole was out of line, and you goddamn well know it... -...everything is not about me, don't make me the villain here. That asshole was out of line, and you goddamn well know it... ...I'm sorry, I don't see it that way... -...I'm sorry, I don't see it that way... ...oh, bullshit! He was intruding on my space, he was demeaning me personally, he was patronizing... -...oh, bullshit! He was intruding on my space, he was demeaning me personally, he was patronizing... ...what do you want me to do, punch him out? I have to work with him... -...what do you want me to do, punch him out? I have to work with him... ...well, last I checked, you were sleeping with me, so unless you wanna start fucking the guy soon, I'd suggest an attitude shift... -Hello? Oh. Sorry. -Uh, let's go to... Hello...? Yeah, yeah, sorry... -How long you think this'll take? Twenty-four minutes. -Twenty-four minutes. Twenty-four? Not twenty-five? Or twenty-three? -Twenty-four? Not twenty-five? Or twenty-three? Two minutes to get on Broadway. They're doing some roadwork around the bridge. Eleven to get downtown. Four to the Lower East Side. Six to clear the roadwork. One minute margin for error. My math says twenty-four. -Mind if I time you? What do I get if you're wrong? A free ride? An apology. -First time in New York? Third, but I still can't tell uptown from downtown. Tell the truth, whenever I'm here, I can't wait to leave. Place gets to me. Too loud, too fast...too much. You like it here? -Third, but I still can't tell uptown from downtown. Tell the truth, whenever I'm here, I can't wait to leave. Place gets to me. Too loud, too fast...too much. You like it here? It's home. -It's home. You share it with over three million people every day. You know that's the population of New Zealand? What's Manhattan, thirteen miles long? That's a lot of misery crammed into thirteen miles. Read about this one guy. Gets on the subway and dies. Six hours he's riding around before anybody notices. Think about that. Here's this corpse doing laps around Manhattan courtesy of the New York transit system, people getting on and off, sitting next to him, and still nobody catches on. Three million. That's too damn many people. -You share it with over three million people every day. You know that's the population of New Zealand? What's Manhattan, thirteen miles long? That's a lot of misery crammed into thirteen miles. Read about this one guy. Gets on the subway and dies. Six hours he's riding around before anybody notices. Think about that. Here's this corpse doing laps around Manhattan courtesy of the New York transit system, people getting on and off, sitting next to him, and still nobody catches on. Three million. That's too damn many people. I see your point. -You know, this is the cleanest cab I've ever been in. This your regular ride? Yeah. I share it with the dayshift guy. -Yeah. I share it with the dayshift guy. You prefer nights? -You prefer nights? People are more relaxed. Less stress, less traffic, better tips. -People are more relaxed. Less stress, less traffic, better tips. You on some kind of work plan? -You on some kind of work plan? You mean like benefits? -You mean like benefits? Yeah. Retirement? Paid sick leave? -Yeah. Retirement? Paid sick leave? It's not that kind of job. -It's not that kind of job. You should start a union. -You should start a union. Me, specifically? -Me, specifically? Why not? -Why not? Last thing I need is a reason to keep hacking. This job's a fill-in. -Last thing I need is a reason to keep hacking. This job's a fill-in. Oh? How long you been doing this? -Oh? How long you been doing this? Twelve years. But I'm working on other stuff... -Twelve years. But I'm working on other stuff... Like what? -Like what? I don't talk about it, you know... No offense. -I don't talk about it, you know... No offense. None taken. There are talkers and doers. I like doers. -Twenty-four minutes! Man, you're hot... Yeah. Lucky with the lights. -Yeah. Lucky with the lights. Bullshit. You probably know the light schedules, too. Listen, I'm in town tonight on a closing. Five stops, one night. I gotta catch a six a.m. flight. I got five stops to make, see some friends, collect some signatures. Why don't you hang with me? -Bullshit. You probably know the light schedules, too. Listen, I'm in town tonight on a closing. Five stops, one night. I gotta catch a six a.m. flight. I got five stops to make, see some friends, collect some signatures. Why don't you hang with me? I'm not a hire car. It's against regs? -I'm not a hire car. It's against regs? Regulations? These guys don't even give you sick leave. How much you pull down on a good night? -Regulations? These guys don't even give you sick leave. How much you pull down on a good night? Two, two-fifty. -Two, two-fifty. I'll make it an even five hundred. Plus an extra hundred if you get me to LAX on time. -We have a deal. What's your name? Max. -Max. Max? I'm Vincent. -He fell on my cab! From up th-th-there. You always stutter? -You always stutter? Yeah, yeah. Shit, man. Guy fell on my motherfucking cab. -I think he's dead. No shit. Since he has two .45s double- tapped through the sternum and fell six floors onto his head... -You - you killed him? No-no, I-I shot him. The bullets and the fall killed him. -"You cool, Max? Say ""I'm cool.""" You're cool. -You're cool. No. You say you're cool. -No. You say you're cool. I'm cool. -Good. Help me out here. With what? -With what? You were going to drive me around. Drop me at LAX. Never be the wiser. But El Gordo missed the elevator. So we go to Plan B. Pop the trunk. -You were going to drive me around. Drop me at LAX. Never be the wiser. But El Gordo missed the elevator. So we go to Plan B. Pop the trunk. The trunk? -The trunk? Did I stutter? The trunk. Unless you want him riding up front with you...but given hygiene and his sphincters have let go... -I'm gonna roll him off the hood. Always lift with your legs... I don't think I can do this. -I don't think I can do this. It's just a dead guy. On three, ready? Uno. Dos. Three. -Got it? Yeah. -What? His hand moved! His goddamn hand twitched! -His hand moved! His goddamn hand twitched! It's a spasm! Jesus, Max, don't be such a girl... -Uh, look...why don't you just take the car... ...and you promise you'll never tell anybody about this, right? Get in the fucking car. -Max. May we leave the scene of the crime now, please. I'm trying... -Max. It's not me. -You listening to me? Yes! I'm trying, I swear! -Yes! I'm trying, I swear! Try harder. I'm gonna count to three. One... -Try harder. I'm gonna count to three. One... Two... -Two... It's not me, it's the engine! A fat guy fell on it from six floors up! -What about that? I tried it. -I tried it. How about the thingy next to it? -How about the thingy next to it? The thingy next to it has nothing to do with the starter motor... -The thingy next to it has nothing to do with the starter motor... I'm making you nervous. I'm the one with a schedule. -I'm making you nervous. I'm the one with a schedule. Okay, try it now. -Try some deep breathing. What? -What? Adrenaline's wearing off. You get shaky after. It's not uncommon. Deep breathing helps. -You better? I think so. -What are you doing? It's a mess. -It's a mess. So? -58th and Central. You know it? South Central. -South Central. How long, you figure? -Oh. Oh, no. You're kidding. We... I told you we had other stops to make tonight. -I told you we had other stops to make tonight. You said you were visiting friends! -You said you were visiting friends! They're somebody's friends... You drive a cab. I kill people. We both do our jobs right, you might survive the night and come out four hundred bucks ahead. -They're somebody's friends... You drive a cab. I kill people. We both do our jobs right, you might survive the night and come out four hundred bucks ahead. Listen. I'm not trying to piss you off, see? Okay? I can't drive you around so you can murder folks. -Listen. I'm not trying to piss you off, see? Okay? I can't drive you around so you can murder folks. Tonight it is. -Tonight it is. You don't understand. I mean it. Really. I'm not up for this... -Are you breathing? Yes. -Yes. What else calms you down? Candy? Cigarettes? Sex? Breathe. -Music. Play music. -"Chopin prelude. Stodgy, but nice. Here's the deal. I didn't want you involved in this. Still breathing? But now that you are, we have to make the best of it, Max. Improvise. Life is that way. Adapt to your environment. Survive. Darwin. ""Shit happens."" The I Ching. Whatever. Roll with it." I Ching? You threw a man out a window! -I Ching? You threw a man out a window! I didn't throw him, he fell. -I didn't throw him, he fell. What'd he do to you? -What'd he do to you? Nothing. I only met him the one time. -Nothing. I only met him the one time. How can you kill him like that? -How can you kill him like that? I should only kill people after I get to know 'em? Six billion people on the planet, you're getting bent out of shape 'cause of one fat guy? -I should only kill people after I get to know 'em? Six billion people on the planet, you're getting bent out of shape 'cause of one fat guy? Who was he? -Who was he? What do you care? Ever hear of Rwanda? -What do you care? Ever hear of Rwanda? Rwanda-Burundi. Central Africa. -Rwanda-Burundi. Central Africa. Tens of thousands killed before sundown. Nobody's killed that fast since Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Did you bat an eye, Max? Join Amnesty International? No. I off one Angeleno, you throw a hissy fit... -I don't know any Rwandans. You don't know the guy in the trunk, either. If it makes you feel better, he was a villain involved in a Continuing Criminal Enterprise. -You don't know the guy in the trunk, either. If it makes you feel better, he was a villain involved in a Continuing Criminal Enterprise. Oh, it's okay, then. 'Cause you're just taking out the garbage... -Oh, it's okay, then. 'Cause you're just taking out the garbage... Yeah, like that... But, anyway, nobody gets out of this alive. Even if we quit smoking and cut out red meat. Everybody dies. -Get rid of 'em. How? -How? You're a cabby. Like talk yourself out of a ticket? -Please. Don't do anything. Then don't let me get cornered, Max. You don't have the trunk space. -Then don't let me get cornered, Max. You don't have the trunk space. I can't believe this. -I can't believe this. Believe it. -I'll talk to them, I'll talk to them. Good luck. You think they got families? -That one's probably married. Think of his kids. His wife's pregnant... I'll deal with it. I will, I will... -Hands on the wheel. Ten and two o'clock, like they taught you in driver's ed. Why? -Why? Because I have a gun and I say so. -Who's that? Lenny, my dispatcher. -It was an accident. You're not liable. Tell him. It was an accident. I'm not liable. -Don't take that. Tell him to shut the fuck up. I can't do that. He's the Man. He'll fire my ass. -I can't do that. He's the Man. He'll fire my ass. So what? -So what? I need the job. -I need the job. No you don't. -Lenny? You're an asshole. Tell him next time he pulls any shit, you're gonna kick his fat ass. -Tell him next time he pulls any shit, you're gonna kick his fat ass. Next time you pull any shit, I'm gonna kick your fat ass. -I had no idea these cabs came equipped with emergency strobes. Where's the button? Under the dash? Yeah. -Another collateral. What? -What? Collateral damage. -Collateral damage. I don't understand... -I don't understand... People in the wrong place at the wrong time. Draws attention, which is something you avoid in my line of work. And for you? You attract attention, you're gonna get people killed who don't need to be. -Vincent? Yes, Max? -Yes, Max? Am I collateral? -But, hey, some good news. This last one put me way ahead of schedule. We've actually got some time to kill. Jazz? You like jazz? I'm...what? Sorry? -I'm...what? Sorry? Jazz. Music. -Jazz. Music. I listen to classical. -I listen to classical. Friend of mine told me about this great place in South Central. Says it's like the birthplace of West Coast bebop. Bird. Dexter Gordon. Thelonious Monk. Chet Baker. I'll buy you a drink. Expand your horizons... -...see now, this has got a little post- war flavor, a little Miles thing happening. Awesome. What do you think? I never learned jazz. -I never learned jazz. God, are you always this prosaic? You don't learn jazz, it's not something you're taught. It's like breathing, like life. Like us, tonight, taking what comes and going with the flow. -God, are you always this prosaic? You don't learn jazz, it's not something you're taught. It's like breathing, like life. Like us, tonight, taking what comes and going with the flow. That what we're doing? Flowing? -That what we're doing? Flowing? Damn right. Instinct, man. If you think too much, it doesn't work. Just listen... -Damn right. Instinct, man. If you think too much, it doesn't work. Just listen... I'm not catching a melody. -I'm not catching a melody. That's the point. You play between the notes, you dance around the structure, you improvise. Some people know where they're going to be ten years from now. Same job, same neighbors, same shit over and over. That's not living. That's dying a little every day. Not me, pal. It's not knowing what's around the corner that makes like worth living. That's jazz. That guy up there, he knows what I'm talking about. Hell, it's the same thing he's talking about, if you just open your ears. You can hear it in the conversation he's having with that trumpet... -Let him go, Vincent. You mind? I'm working here. -You mind? I'm working here. You're the one who keeps talking about going with the flow. You like the man, you like the way he plays. How about a little jazz, huh? -You're the one who keeps talking about going with the flow. You like the man, you like the way he plays. How about a little jazz, huh? Jazz? That's funny, coming from you. Okay, some jazz for the jazz man. How's this? I'll ask a question. -Let's go. No. -No. What you mean, no? -What you mean, no? I'm done. Find another cab. -Max? What are you doing? Leave me alone. -Leave me alone. Don't even think you're walking away from me. -Don't even think you're walking away from me. I don't wanna know you! -Pull your head out of your ass. Get your thinking straight. You wanna die? I'm collateral anyway, so just fucking do it and stop making me a part of this! -I'm collateral anyway, so just fucking do it and stop making me a part of this! Teach him how to talk back, suddenly he can't stop. I'm not playing. -Teach him how to talk back, suddenly he can't stop. I'm not playing. Sure? Like you didn't play him? String him along? If he had gotten the answer right, would you have let him go? -Show up for what? Tell her I can't see her tonight, okay? -Show up for what? She's in the hospital. -She's in the hospital. You go every night? -You go every night? What difference does it make? -What difference does it make? Guy with a routine goes and breaks it? Provokes attention. That's bad. And that's not good... -Guy with a routine goes and breaks it? Provokes attention. That's bad. And that's not good... There's no way I'm taking you to see my mother! -Mom, Vincent's not interested. Oh, I'm captivated. -You take one more step, I'll kill her. You'd do her a favor. -What the fuck was that? Jazz. -Limos, huh? Don't start. -Don't start. Hey, I'm not the one who's been lying to my mother. -Hey, I'm not the one who's been lying to my mother. She hears what she wants to hear, okay? -She hears what she wants to hear, okay? Maybe so. Maybe she hears what you tell her. -Maybe so. Maybe she hears what you tell her. Fuck! Nothing's ever goddamn good enough! It's always been that way. -Fuck! Nothing's ever goddamn good enough! It's always been that way. It's cause they don't like their lives, so they project their patterns of negative behavior onto you... I had a father like that. -It's cause they don't like their lives, so they project their patterns of negative behavior onto you... I had a father like that. Yeah? What happened? -Yeah? What happened? He hated everything I did. Hated me. Got drunk and beat the shit out of me, daily... -He hated everything I did. Hated me. Got drunk and beat the shit out of me, daily... What happened? -What happened? I killed him. When I was 15. He was my first. Nah, wishful thinking. Liver cancer. -I killed him. When I was 15. He was my first. Nah, wishful thinking. Liver cancer. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. "Don't be. I never saw him after I was 15. Went into the military early. So all this talk about ""my job's temporary, I got big plans,"" it's all bullshit." -"Don't be. I never saw him after I was 15. Went into the military early. So all this talk about ""my job's temporary, I got big plans,"" it's all bullshit." It's not bullshit. -It's not bullshit. What do you call it? Ten years doesn't sound temporary to me. I should have known it was bullshit, you're too good at what you do. -What do you call it? Ten years doesn't sound temporary to me. I should have known it was bullshit, you're too good at what you do. I've always been good. Ever since I started. Gave up piano. Easy money. I'm putting a stake together, get something started. Go figure it all out... -I've always been good. Ever since I started. Gave up piano. Easy money. I'm putting a stake together, get something started. Go figure it all out... Yeah? Like what? Limos? -Yeah? Like what? Limos? I told you I don't like to talk about it. -I told you I don't like to talk about it. Well, this big stake's got to be big by now. When you leaving? -Well, this big stake's got to be big by now. When you leaving? See, I've got bills. My mother's been dying of the same disease since I was a kid. -See, I've got bills. My mother's been dying of the same disease since I was a kid. What, no insurance? -What, no insurance? Doesn't cover everything. -Doesn't cover everything. Good excuse. How many others you got? -Gimme your wallet. Why? -I'll just hold onto it for you. In case they check. In case who checks? -Our friends in Little Russia. Go in and ask for a man named Dmitri. Dmitri? -Dmitri? The man who hired me for this contract. -The man who hired me for this contract. I don't get it. -I don't get it. You're gonna be me. You're gonna go in, and you're gonna get the info on the remaining two hits. -You're gonna be me. You're gonna go in, and you're gonna get the info on the remaining two hits. Why me? Why don't you do it? -Why me? Why don't you do it? No client has ever seen my face, and I intend to keep it that way. Besides, if he decides to put a bullet in my head, I don't wanna be there for it. -No client has ever seen my face, and I intend to keep it that way. Besides, if he decides to put a bullet in my head, I don't wanna be there for it. He's gonna shoot me? -He's gonna shoot me? When he finds out you tossed his list? I would. -When he finds out you tossed his list? I would. No. No way. I can't do this. -No. No way. I can't do this. Max. You threw my briefcase in the river. You've got balls bigger than Toledo. -Max. You threw my briefcase in the river. You've got balls bigger than Toledo. I...I wasn't thinking. I just did it. -I...I wasn't thinking. I just did it. That's jazz, my friend. You said it yourself. So don't tell me you don't know how to play between the notes. -Vincent. Don't make me do this. Don't make me get people killed. We've both run out of options. If it helps, take comfort in knowing you never had a choice. -How long have you been a hit man? Why? -Why? In case he asks. -In case he asks. "Fifteen years, although I prefer the term ""assassin.""" -"Fifteen years, although I prefer the term ""assassin.""" You get benefits? -You get benefits? No. -No. Paid sick leave? -Paid sick leave? You tell me to start a union, I'm blowing your head off. Quit stalling and get out of the cab. -Damn, Max. I'm impressed. Really. I would have bet good money you wouldn't walk out of there. Makes two of us. -"Washington and Holt. Dance club called ""Fever."" Know it?" Tribeca, near the waterfront, northeast corner. Twelve minutes. -Tribeca, near the waterfront, northeast corner. Twelve minutes. You do impress me, Max. That you do. -Would you have called her? Who? -Who? Your lady friend. The one who gave you her business card. Think she was just being polite? -Your lady friend. The one who gave you her business card. Think she was just being polite? I don't know. -I don't know. What holds you back, Max? Tell me. Why does life scare you so much? -What holds you back, Max? Tell me. Why does life scare you so much? I only owe you a ride, Vincent. -I only owe you a ride, Vincent. It's not what you owe me. Time is so fleeting. One day it's gone. You make it out of this alive, Max, you really should call her. That's what I think. -Good. Blood, urine and death get to you? Try deep breathing. Or remember we all die anyway... You had to kill Heller?! -You had to kill Heller?! Who's Heller? -Who's Heller? That cop! Why'd you have to do that? You couldn't wound him? The guy had a family, maybe, parents, kids who gotta grow up without a dad, he was probably a good guy; and he believed me... -That cop! Why'd you have to do that? You couldn't wound him? The guy had a family, maybe, parents, kids who gotta grow up without a dad, he was probably a good guy; and he believed me... I shoulda saved him 'cause he believed you? -I shoulda saved him 'cause he believed you? No, not just that. -No, not just that. Yeah, that. -Yeah, that. Yeah, so, what's wrong with that? -Yeah, so, what's wrong with that? It's what I do for a living. -It's what I do for a living. Some living. -Some living. Head towards Union Station. -Head towards Union Station. What's at Union Station? -What's at Union Station? How are you at math? I was hired for five hits. I did four. -How are you at math? I was hired for five hits. I did four. One more. -One more. There you go...! -There you go...! Whyn't you kill me and find another cab. -Whyn't you kill me and find another cab. You're too good. We're in this together. Fates intertwined. Cosmic coincidence and all that crap... -You're too good. We're in this together. Fates intertwined. Cosmic coincidence and all that crap... You're full of shit. -You're full of shit. I'm full of shit? You're a monument of bullshit. You even bullshitted yourself all I am, is taking out the garbage. Bad guys killing bad guys... -I'm full of shit? You're a monument of bullshit. You even bullshitted yourself all I am, is taking out the garbage. Bad guys killing bad guys... That's what you said... -That's what you said... And you believe me...? -And you believe me...? What'd they do? -What'd they do? "How do I know? But, they all got that ""witnesses for the prosecution"" look to me. Probably some major federal indictment against somebody who majorly does not want to get indicted... I dunno." -"How do I know? But, they all got that ""witnesses for the prosecution"" look to me. Probably some major federal indictment against somebody who majorly does not want to get indicted... I dunno." That's the reason? -That's the reason? "That's the ""why."" That's the why? There is no reason. No good reason; no bad reason. To live or to die." -"That's the ""why."" That's the why? There is no reason. No good reason; no bad reason. To live or to die." Then what are you? -Then what are you? ...indifferent. -Get with it. Get over it. ...millions of galaxies of hundreds of millions of stars and a speck on one in a blink...that's us. Lost in space. The universe doesn't care. The cop, you, me? Who notices? What happened to you? -What happened to you? As in...? -As in...? "Man, if someone had a gun to your head and said: ""You gotta tell me what's goin' on with that person over there or I'll kill you""...they'd have to kill you... 'Cause you don't have a clue for...or about...anyone... To be like that, I don't think you, you have any of that for your own life... Do you believe you're entitled or at least expect to draw breath in the a.m.? Open your eyes in the morning? I don't think you do...I don't think so... I think you are way low...like in your estimation. In your estimation of yourself. So how'd you get that way...?" -"Man, if someone had a gun to your head and said: ""You gotta tell me what's goin' on with that person over there or I'll kill you""...they'd have to kill you... 'Cause you don't have a clue for...or about...anyone... To be like that, I don't think you, you have any of that for your own life... Do you believe you're entitled or at least expect to draw breath in the a.m.? Open your eyes in the morning? I don't think you do...I don't think so... I think you are way low...like in your estimation. In your estimation of yourself. So how'd you get that way...?" ...all the cabbies in LA, I pull Max, the man with X-ray vision... -...all the cabbies in LA, I pull Max, the man with X-ray vision... Answer the question. -Answer the question. Look in the mirror. ...piss-ant paper towels...a bottle of 409...saving up for goin' to the Comoros. How much you got saved? -Look in the mirror. ...piss-ant paper towels...a bottle of 409...saving up for goin' to the Comoros. How much you got saved? None of your business. -None of your business. "...pie in the sky? ""Someday my dream'll come..."" But one night you'll wake up and realize suddenly you're old. It hasn't happened. It never will. Life just flipped on you. Tomorrow became yesterday. Then you'll bullshit yourself it was never gonna happen, anyway, and push it back in memory...and anesthetize yourself in a Barcalounger with daytime TV for the rest of your life... Don't talk to me about murder. You're do-in' yourself...in this yellow prison with steel-belted radials. Clocking in and out everyday..." -'Cause I never got it straightened up; made the push, made the moves... Slow down. -Slow down. I should have done that. Fixed it and more. Get out from under what I been under... -You're going too fast. But you know what? Nothing matters, anyway. We are insignificant out here in the big nowhere, say the badass sociopath in my backseat. Right? Yeah. That's one thing I've got to thank you for, bro. And I never saw it that way... -Slow the hell down! What are you gonna do, pull the trigger? Kill us? Go ahead, man! Shoot...my ass. -What are you gonna do, pull the trigger? Kill us? Go ahead, man! Shoot...my ass. Slow down! -Slow down! Vincent? -Well. That was brilliant. Was your seatbelt fastened, honey? -Max? Let her go. -What happened? Guy came in with a gunshot wound, but he died of a heart attack. Go figure. -They said send you downstairs. Who? -Who? The F.B.I., the C.I.A. You name the initials and they're down there. -The F.B.I., the C.I.A. You name the initials and they're down there. Any special reason? -Any special reason? All I know is, they said to send you and the body to the basement. -The sound of love. Excuse me? -That's love. Love? Love's just a pretty way of saying, 'I want to sleep with you'. Love is bullshit. -Love? Love's just a pretty way of saying, 'I want to sleep with you'. Love is bullshit. I live on tips, so don't be offended, but you're a liar. I saw you kiss. Admit it, this is the street where love lives. -Love gives you wings. It makes you fly. I don't even call it love. I call it Geronimo. Geronimo? -Geronimo? Geronimo. When you're really in love, you'll jump. Off the top of the Empire State. Screaming 'Geronimo' the whole way down. -Geronimo. When you're really in love, you'll jump. Off the top of the Empire State. Screaming 'Geronimo' the whole way down. But you'll die. You'll squash yourself. What's the point? -But you'll die. You'll squash yourself. What's the point? Aren't you listening, man? Love gives you wings. -She must be some girl. I love her so bad. She just... wrecks me. I would die for her. -I never told her. Why the hell not? -Why the hell not? I, uh, I have some problems. -Are you crazy?! The guy came right at us! -The guy came right at us! You turned up a one way street! -I was only going one way. Drop me off here! -Drop me off here! Look, I'm sorry -- -Look, I'm sorry -- Just drop me off. -What're you thinking, Jerry? Water mains usually go in the winter. It's August 1st. -Water mains usually go in the winter. It's August 1st. Tell you what. Reminds me of life in the Delta. -Tell you what. Reminds me of life in the Delta. Mississippi? -Mississippi? Mekong, my friend, Mekong. -Mekong, my friend, Mekong. You know, Flip, Vietnam War was fought because of a bet Howard Hughes lost to Aristotle Onasis. -You know, Flip, Vietnam War was fought because of a bet Howard Hughes lost to Aristotle Onasis. Sure. And the two of 'em used my legs for a wishbone. Nearly snapped me in half. -Sure. And the two of 'em used my legs for a wishbone. Nearly snapped me in half. I gotta go, Flip. Thanks. -Jerry? You didn't show last night. First time ever. Had me worried, boy. Sorry, Flip. Got sidetracked. -Saved you last night's, too. Flip was a hero in Vietnam. -Flip was a hero in Vietnam. Sure was. Pounded the V.C. for this Greek cat named Ari Onasis. -Flip. You're the closest thing I got to a friend around here. Tell me something. You think I'm crazy? Shut the hell up. -I don't see the connection. Come on! Six major earthquakes in the last three years? The space shuttle in orbit for every one of them? -Come on! Six major earthquakes in the last three years? The space shuttle in orbit for every one of them? Testing some top secret seismic weapon. -Testing some top secret seismic weapon. Not testing. Using. Nukes are passe. This is the weapon of the future. -I still don't see what it has to do with the President. Do you still ride? -Do you still ride? Not for years. -Not for years. So why do you keep the picture up? You wish you hadn't quit? -So why do you keep the picture up? You wish you hadn't quit? Well, I -- Jerry, the point. Get there. What does it have to do with the President? -The President's in Europe. Tomorrow he'll be in Turkey. Right along this fault line. They launched the space shuttle yesterday. Motive? -Motive? He's cutting funding for NASA. The milk cow of the aerospace industry. We're talking billions. Motive enough? -He's cutting funding for NASA. The milk cow of the aerospace industry. We're talking billions. Motive enough? NASA is going to kill the President of the United States with an earthquake. -NASA is going to kill the President of the United States with an earthquake. Not exactly the kind of thing a Secret Service Agent can throw himself on top of. -You going to warn him? I can't promise you anything. -I can't promise you anything. You think I'm crazy. -You think I'm crazy. I think you're different. -I think you're different. You know, to be 'normal' and live in the 'real world,' to swallow Coca cola and eat Kentucky Fried Chicken, you have to be in a conspiracy against yourself. I can't lie to me, Liza. And the more I strip through the sham, the crazier I look to people like you. Can't you see that's what they're counting on? You want to go out sometime? -You know, to be 'normal' and live in the 'real world,' to swallow Coca cola and eat Kentucky Fried Chicken, you have to be in a conspiracy against yourself. I can't lie to me, Liza. And the more I strip through the sham, the crazier I look to people like you. Can't you see that's what they're counting on? You want to go out sometime? No. -I better get going. You don't have to burst in here every time, Jerry. Just call and make an appointment. -What was your horse's name? Johnny Dancer. You've been in my office ten times. How come you never asked me about that picture before? -Johnny Dancer. You've been in my office ten times. How come you never asked me about that picture before? Was waiting till I knew you better. Johnny Dancer, huh? Sounds like a racehorse. -I bit the bastard's nose off. You bit someone's nose off? -You bit someone's nose off? Yes! Don't let's get into this thing where I have to repeat myself! -It's a man without a nose you want, you dumb complicit sons of bitches! You've got to listen to me. Put down the gun and I'll take your statement. Okay? -Put down the gun and I'll take your statement. Okay? You're the boss. Just don't make me repeat myself. I hate that. -What's the charge? You were there, Jerry. Figure it out. -Just relax. Switch the charts. -Switch the charts. What? -Switch 'em. Or I'll be dead by morning. Don't want to be dead. I'll see you tomorrow. -Hey... I can't control it. It's just, something that happened. What is? -What is? Love. -People do have heart attacks. Sure. You switched the charts, didn't you? -It's okay. The guy traded bullets with some old man in a liquor store. He had it coming. You expect me to believe what, that someone came in here last night. Gave that guy... something that stopped his heart? -You expect me to believe what, that someone came in here last night. Gave that guy... something that stopped his heart? You switched the charts; you tell me. -You switched the charts; you tell me. I got to get downstairs. The C.I.A., they want to see your body. -I got to get downstairs. The C.I.A., they want to see your body. Really? -I won't be here when you get back, but I'll be in touch. And thanks. For what? -For what? You saved my life. -You saved my life. Heart attacks happen. -He says a dog bit his nose. Arf... You gotta help me. -Arf... You gotta help me. I can't promise you anything. -Lucky guess... Um, I'd feel a lot less naked if we could get outta here. Don't tell me you're naked back there. -Don't tell me you're naked back there. Figure of speech. Could we go? -What took so long? You were in there all day. That's how long it takes to turn a hospital inside out. A lot of people are after you, Jerry. -That's how long it takes to turn a hospital inside out. A lot of people are after you, Jerry. Dead or alive, they'll stick me in there with Oswald. Another lunatic acting alone, -Dead or alive, they'll stick me in there with Oswald. Another lunatic acting alone, Oswald was an assassin. You're not an assassin, are you, Jerry? -Oswald was an assassin. You're not an assassin, are you, Jerry? If you're worried about the President, call and warn him about the Space Shuttle. -If you're worried about the President, call and warn him about the Space Shuttle. Right. Sit up so I can see you. -Right. Sit up so I can see you. Uh uh, don't want them to see me. -Uh uh, don't want them to see me. Them who? -Them who? Change lanes. Then watch your rearview. -Flat, wraparound headlights? Yeah. -Yeah. Crown Victoria. F.B.I. car. A legitimate tail. -Crown Victoria. F.B.I. car. A legitimate tail. As opposed to? -As opposed to? People more serious about their work. You know how to drive this thing or do you just like looking good in it? -People more serious about their work. You know how to drive this thing or do you just like looking good in it? You mean I should speed up and try and lose them? -You mean I should speed up and try and lose them? Yes. -Yes. That's how a man would do it. I'm not a man. -That's how a man would do it. I'm not a man. I noticed. -See? Wasn't that a lot easier than squealing tires and knocking over trash cans? Nothing is easy. -Nothing is easy. How long have we known each other, Jerry? -How long have we known each other, Jerry? Six months. Eleven days. -Six months. Eleven days. Till today, I haven't believed a word. Now, I'm curious. Six months, eleven days. I'm going to give you one more hour to impress me. Where to? -You have the right to ask me certain personal questions? Yeah. I think so. -Nothing scary there. Sorry. Oh, well, maybe to the untrained eye. Hmm... Ahh... Ooooo... -More about life on Mars. From a rock they found on the South Pole. Explain that one to me. But maybe we should go to Mars and find out? How much do you think that's going to cost? What is it with you and the space program? -What is it with you and the space program? And look here. Cease fire in Chechenia. That's good for the banks who lent the government money, but bad for the guys selling them weapons. Listen to this, some gas company in Colorado. Their researchers have been blocked from testing a fuel additive. They've accused the E.P.A. of, quote, 'turning a blind eye to the future.' -Well that's the eye right there. Money. And all the power and misery it brings with it. It's a plot to take over the world. The Master Conspiracy. Can take a lifetime to pull off. Do they have a secret handshake? -That's it? I have no idea. -So why are they after you? I'm not sure. I think I figured something out. It must've been in my newsletter. -I'm not sure. I think I figured something out. It must've been in my newsletter. What newsletter? -So I'm a little jumpy. Who wouldn't be? You're certifiable. -You're certifiable. You wouldn't be sitting here if you didn't halfway believe me. -You wouldn't be sitting here if you didn't halfway believe me. Believe you about what? -You okay? Flesh wound. No big deal. -You know why the Grateful Dead are always on tour? Surprise me. -Surprise me. The whole kit and caboodle of 'em are British Intelligence agents. Spies. Jerry Garcia had a double- o rating. Just like James Bond. -You want something to drink? Um, coffee. If that's okay? -If my universe had a hub... This would be it? -Equitation. I've been reading up on it. -I've been reading up on it. Are these yours? -Here it is. Conspiracy Theory It just went out Tuesday. Third issue this year. I bet I struck a nerve. Pissed someone off. 'The Space Shuttle's Seismic Secret'. 'The Oliver Stone-George Bush Connection'. Oliver Stone? -'The Space Shuttle's Seismic Secret'. 'The Oliver Stone-George Bush Connection'. Oliver Stone? Stone is their spokesman. You think if someone really had all that information and a national podium to shout it out from that they'd let him do it? Stone's a disinformation flunky. The face that he's alive says it all. -Stone is their spokesman. You think if someone really had all that information and a national podium to shout it out from that they'd let him do it? Stone's a disinformation flunky. The face that he's alive says it all. Can you prove any of this? -Can you prove any of this? Absolutely not. A good conspiracy is an unprovable conspiracy. If you can figure it out, they screwed it up. -'On July 8, 1979, security forces under control of the Trilateral Commission abducted the fathers of all American Nobel Prize winners. The men, many of them octogenarians, were forced at gunpoint to ejaculate into small plastic bottles. The sperm collected is now under study in a laboratory beneath the headquarters of the Rand Corporation in Santa Monica, California.' Pretty scary, huh? -Pretty scary, huh? Yeah... how many subscribers do you have? -Yeah... how many subscribers do you have? Just five. It's the economy... You think maybe one of them is not who they seem? -Just five. It's the economy... You think maybe one of them is not who they seem? You got a list? -You're a Holden Caulfield fan. Who? -Who? Holden Caulfield? Catcher in the Rye? -Holden Caulfield? Catcher in the Rye? Never heard of him. -Never heard of him. You have ten copies of the book, but you don't know who the main character is? -You have ten copies of the book, but you don't know who the main character is? I've never read it. I just -- Every time I see one I buy it. I don't know why exactly... Wanna hear my favorite part? -What are you doing? Getting rid of my hub! -Was that who I thought it was? Uh huh. -Uh huh. Has this happened to you before? -Has this happened to you before? Never, but I've been practicing. -Never, but I've been practicing. Who are you, Jerry? -Who are you, Jerry? Just a guy trying to put out a fire. -You gave me an hour; now give me a day. Jerry, there's something I have to ask you. Actually about a hundred things, but we can make progress, if you answer one question. To my satisfaction. -Jerry, there's something I have to ask you. Actually about a hundred things, but we can make progress, if you answer one question. To my satisfaction. Shoot. -Shoot. It was that painting. The one on the wall. -It was that painting. The one on the wall. I didn't mean for you to see it. It's like looking in someone's diary and taking it out of context. Know what I mean? -I didn't mean for you to see it. It's like looking in someone's diary and taking it out of context. Know what I mean? It made me feel like you could see inside of me. And I don't know how that's possible. -It made me feel like you could see inside of me. And I don't know how that's possible. So what's the question? -So what's the question? How is it possible? -I'll give you 100 bucks if you leave right now. Is this your dad? -Is this your dad? That was him. -That was him. Is he dead? -Is he dead? Please put it down. -Please put it down. How'd he die? -How'd he die? He was murdered. -He's why you punish yourself. Not this again. -Not this again. You run with your back to the picture. Like you were trying to get away. Once in awhile you sing along with music, but mostly you punish yourself. -You run with your back to the picture. Like you were trying to get away. Once in awhile you sing along with music, but mostly you punish yourself. You watch me, don't you? -Johnny Dancer, right? You don't ride him anymore, do you? Not since your dad died. Fuck you. I know you're crazy, but fuck you. -Did you see the van back there? What van? -What van? Never mind. You'd think I was making it up. -Never mind. You'd think I was making it up. Where'd you get your subscribers? -Where'd you get your subscribers? I put an ad on a computer bulletin board. I log on at the library so I can't be traced. -I put an ad on a computer bulletin board. I log on at the library so I can't be traced. Well, I've been tracking them down all morning. -Well, I've been tracking them down all morning. You haven't been bothering them, have you? -You haven't been bothering them, have you? They're dead. Four out of five anyhow. All in the last 24 hours. One car accident, two heart attacks and a stroke. -They're dead. Four out of five anyhow. All in the last 24 hours. One car accident, two heart attacks and a stroke. Jesus... It's my fault. They drew a black line over me and now I'm passing it on. I'm passing it to you, too. -Jesus... It's my fault. They drew a black line over me and now I'm passing it on. I'm passing it to you, too. I'll be fine. Let's worry about Henry Finch. P.O. Box in St. Louis. He's the last on the list. I haven't been able to reach him yet. -I'll be fine. Let's worry about Henry Finch. P.O. Box in St. Louis. He's the last on the list. I haven't been able to reach him yet. Maybe you better not try... I worked so hard to keep quiet. Like a mouse. I should have realized. -Maybe you better not try... I worked so hard to keep quiet. Like a mouse. I should have realized. Realized what? -Realized what? Henry Finch. That they monitor everything. That it was only a matter of time. And now four people are dead. -Elaborate on 'they,' okay? There are all kinds of groups, all kinds of initials. But they're all part of two warring factions. One: families that have held wealth for centuries. They want one thing. Stability. Group Two: the boat rockers. Eisenhower's military industrial complex. They want instability. It's a trillion dollar a year business. When there isn't a hot war, they make a cold one. -There are all kinds of groups, all kinds of initials. But they're all part of two warring factions. One: families that have held wealth for centuries. They want one thing. Stability. Group Two: the boat rockers. Eisenhower's military industrial complex. They want instability. It's a trillion dollar a year business. When there isn't a hot war, they make a cold one. Cold War's over, Jerry. -Cold War's over, Jerry. So now they feed us terrorists. To create fear. How much do you think an airport security system goes for? Then multiply it by every airport in the country. -So now they feed us terrorists. To create fear. How much do you think an airport security system goes for? Then multiply it by every airport in the country. And you think Group One is at war with Group Two. -And you think Group One is at war with Group Two. Latest casualty? Ernest Harriman. You heard of him? -Latest casualty? Ernest Harriman. You heard of him? Sure. One of the richest men in America until he died a few days ago. -Sure. One of the richest men in America until he died a few days ago. His obituary was in every paper. But not one of them said he was murdered. -His obituary was in every paper. But not one of them said he was murdered. Murdered? -Murdered? Right here in Manhattan. -Right here in Manhattan. It said in the paper he drowned in a swimming pool. In Newport. -It said in the paper he drowned in a swimming pool. In Newport. Nobody dies in Newport. They couldn't even kill Sunny von Bulow there. Harriman drowned, but it wasn't in Newport. -Nobody dies in Newport. They couldn't even kill Sunny von Bulow there. Harriman drowned, but it wasn't in Newport. Where then? -Right here. In the 7th Street subway station. What was he doing down here? A billionaire waiting for the subway? Why not drown him in a bus? Why drown him at all? Why not shoot him? Is the hitman from the lost world of Atlantis? I mean, come on. -What was he doing down here? A billionaire waiting for the subway? Why not drown him in a bus? Why drown him at all? Why not shoot him? Is the hitman from the lost world of Atlantis? I mean, come on. I see the big picture and you stumble around in the details. -I see the big picture and you stumble around in the details. They're big details, Jerry. -They're big details, Jerry. Do you watch the news? Read the paper. Last week, this whole place was underwater. -Do you watch the news? Read the paper. Last week, this whole place was underwater. A water main broke. -A water main broke. They don't break in the summer! Do you know what building is right over this spot? Harriman Tower. Their sub-basement was flooded! He didn't die in a pool. Call the coroner in Rhode Island! Ask if the water in his lungs was chlorinated! -They don't break in the summer! Do you know what building is right over this spot? Harriman Tower. Their sub-basement was flooded! He didn't die in a pool. Call the coroner in Rhode Island! Ask if the water in his lungs was chlorinated! Okay, I will. -Okay, I will. You will? -You will? If that's what you want. Yes. -I don't know what to say. I love you. What? -I -- It's like, I resolve to call you up 1000 times a day. To ask you if you'll marry me in some old-fashioned way. Everything you do is magic. Those are song lyrics, Jerry. -Those are song lyrics, Jerry. I know that. I'm just -- I'm nervous. I reached out and grabbed the first thing out there. I know they're song lyrics. And I know how I feel. -I know that. I'm just -- I'm nervous. I reached out and grabbed the first thing out there. I know they're song lyrics. And I know how I feel. I like you, Jerry. A lot. -I like you, Jerry. A lot. Oh, Christ, here it comes. Look, I know you think I'm crazy. I don't think I am, but... -Oh, Christ, here it comes. Look, I know you think I'm crazy. I don't think I am, but... Jerry, I -- -Jerry, I -- What if I reached a point where you didn't think I was crazy anymore? If I was normal. -What if I reached a point where you didn't think I was crazy anymore? If I was normal. If you were eating Kentucky Fried Chicken and drinking Coca-Cola again. -If you were eating Kentucky Fried Chicken and drinking Coca-Cola again. Yeah... Would you, I mean, could you love me then? If I was normal. Maybe? -Yeah... Would you, I mean, could you love me then? If I was normal. Maybe? Don't do this to yourself. Jerry. You don't love me. -You're wrong. Since I met you, I don't dream about holes anymore. Holes? I don't know what you're talking about. -Holes? I don't know what you're talking about. Yesterday you were wondering about the wall. How it was possible. -Yesterday you were wondering about the wall. How it was possible. Now's not really the time to get into this -- -Now's not really the time to get into this -- It's Geronimo. Love. It lets you see things. It gives you insight. I've loved you since the first time I saw you. -Answer me. Was the first time you saw me the first time I saw you? Was it? You've been following me around. Do you see how that could be disconcerting to me? That's not love, Jerry. It's obsession. And it isn't normal and you can't expect me to respond to it and you can't expect me to feel the same way. Can you? I would never hurt you, Liza. Think whatever you want, but don't think that. -I would never hurt you, Liza. Think whatever you want, but don't think that. I don't. I know you wouldn't. -I don't. I know you wouldn't. I thought you -- Why -- Love ruins everything, doesn't it? -You look great. Thanks. -Are you okay? I wish I hadn't told you what I did. But I can't help the way I feel. You don't hold that against me, do you? No. That wouldn't be fair. Where are we going, Jerry? -No. That wouldn't be fair. Where are we going, Jerry? It would be a lot easier for me to show you instead of tell you. But first things first. -What is it? There's a car following us. Probably another one flanking us the next street over. -We're going to Queens? Not today. -Now what? This way. -After you. It's okay. I'm the one who left it here. Where are we going, Jerry? -Where are we going, Jerry? Connecticut. -Connecticut. What's in Connecticut? -What about them? How come serial killers have two names, but lone gunman assassins have three. John Wilkes Booth. Mark David Chapman. Lee Harvey Oswald. -How come serial killers have two names, but lone gunman assassins have three. John Wilkes Booth. Mark David Chapman. Lee Harvey Oswald. John Hinkley. The guy who shot Reagan. He only had two names. -John Hinkley. The guy who shot Reagan. He only had two names. Reagan didn't die. If he had died, everybody would know what Johnny's middle name was. -My father's house. Come on. -How do you really know there's gold in Fort Knox? Just because they say so? We should go to Tennessee and demand to see it. You go. Send me a postcard. -Liza? Did you kill him? -Did you kill him? Is that what they told you? -Is that what they told you? Did you kill my father? -Then why did you have his picture in your safe deposit box? He gave it to me. -He gave it to me. I don't understand. -I don't understand. Where were you the day he died? -Where were you the day he died? At a horse show. -At a horse show. That's the last time you rode, isn't it? Do you think it was your fault? Is that why? -That's the last time you rode, isn't it? Do you think it was your fault? Is that why? Did you kill my father?! -Did you kill my father?! No...! But they trained me to. M.K. ULTRA. EX-CATCHER. America works. Get rid of the crazy people, the lone gunmen, and the system still works. -Jerry. Please. You don't understand. I have to know. It's all I think about. Do you have any idea what it's like not to know? Yeah. I know what it's like. -Yeah. I know what it's like. Then tell me what happened. -Then tell me what happened. Can't give you the details because I can't remember. I went to court to kill him. At the Ezekiel Walters hearing. I was supposed to shoot him at the press conference. You were there. That's the first time I saw you. -Can't give you the details because I can't remember. I went to court to kill him. At the Ezekiel Walters hearing. I was supposed to shoot him at the press conference. You were there. That's the first time I saw you. Love at first sight? -Love at first sight? I don't know what it was. All I know is I had a gun in my hand, but when I saw you standing with him, I couldn't do it. If that's love, it's not so bad. I found a part of myself that day. I couldn't go back. -I don't know what it was. All I know is I had a gun in my hand, but when I saw you standing with him, I couldn't do it. If that's love, it's not so bad. I found a part of myself that day. I couldn't go back. Back where? -Back where? To Jonas. I didn't know that at the time. Didn't know who he was. But I knew inside, whoever he was, he'd send someone else. So I started watching your father. I wanted to keep him safe. -Someone else might call it stalking. My dad felt it. He started carrying a gun. He kept it in the side table in the front hallway. He showed me. I visited a few times. Then one of Jonas's guys visited. When I arrived, your dad was dying. -He kept it in the side table in the front hallway. He showed me. I visited a few times. Then one of Jonas's guys visited. When I arrived, your dad was dying. Why? What do these guys have to do with Ezekiel Walters? -Why? What do these guys have to do with Ezekiel Walters? Walters was their fall guy. Blow up a building and blame a nut. Create fear. Don't you see? Your father wasn't trying to keep Walters in prison. He was looking into getting him out. He didn't believe the official story. -Walters was their fall guy. Blow up a building and blame a nut. Create fear. Don't you see? Your father wasn't trying to keep Walters in prison. He was looking into getting him out. He didn't believe the official story. Why not? -Why not, Jerry? Because he believed me. -How'd you get the picture? Your father, he was dying. He was worried about you. He took your picture out to look at it. He called you his baby. -I believe you. You do? -You got to get out of here. My cell phone's on. Back in the truck. They'll trace it. -They'll trace it. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. It's okay. You... You thought I was bad. -Blue moon... Blue moon... Jerry...? Jerry. -Blue moon... You saw me standing alone ... -Without a song in my heart. Without a love of my own. -Blue moon... You knew just what I was there for. -Liza? Where are you? -How did you know? I spent two years here. This used to bring the med-cart. Demerol. Phenobarb. It's Jacob's Ladder. -Get in. I'll pull you up to the fourth floor. What about you? -What about you? Get up there and we'll get it back down here for me. Now. -Geronimo is down. It's up. Love gives you wings. You can fly away from here. -It's up. Love gives you wings. You can fly away from here. Don't do this. -Don't die on me, Jerry. Okay? I can't promise you anything. -You've been my best friend for years and I didn't even know you were out there. Top pocket... Go on. -They changed Franklin's portrait. You think it's a conspiracy? -You think it's a conspiracy? Don't know, but he looks a lot more like Rosie O'Donnel than Ben Franklin. -I love you, too. Now she tells me. -Do I know you? Yes you do, Jerry. Quite well. -I'm a very patient man. That's great. Good for you. -That's great. Good for you. Who have you been talking to, Jerry? Who else knows what you know? -Who have you been talking to, Jerry? Who else knows what you know? Could you be a little more specific? -What's that? Lysergic acid diethylamide... With a little kicker of my own. Surely it must be coming back to you by now? -We've arranged for you to take the blame. Everyone knows how you've been harassing the poor girl. Liza! -Liza! You shouldn't watch, Jerry. It's a moment without hope. -You shouldn't watch, Jerry. It's a moment without hope. You've never seen her run. -Liza Sutton is dead. Then I can't be hurt anymore. -Thank you. You're welcome. Where's my partner? -You're welcome. Where's my partner? I like that. A gun to your head and you ask about your partner. He's okay. May have a headache for a few days. Are you here with honorable intentions? -I like that. A gun to your head and you ask about your partner. He's okay. May have a headache for a few days. Are you here with honorable intentions? I'm not sure what you mean. -I'm not sure what you mean. You should think of me as Liza Sutton's guardian angel. -You should think of me as Liza Sutton's guardian angel. That's ironic. Because we're here to protect her from you. -That's ironic. Because we're here to protect her from you. You're here because you figured I might show up. -You're here because you figured I might show up. It seemed like a possibility. What about your intentions? Are they honorable? -It seemed like a possibility. What about your intentions? Are they honorable? I'm not a violent man, Mr. Lowry. Not by nature, anyhow. But if you hurt Liza in any way, I'll kill you. Does that seem honorable? -I'm not a violent man, Mr. Lowry. Not by nature, anyhow. But if you hurt Liza in any way, I'll kill you. Does that seem honorable? Well, I don't know if -- -You made your decision yet? I'm leaning toward no. -I'm leaning toward no. That's your option. Ours could be to keep you locked up for a very long time. In case you didn't know it, you're crazy. -I'll do it. On one condition. I want to make sure she's okay. We got someone watching her 24 hours a day. She -- -We got someone watching her 24 hours a day. She -- That's not what I mean. I want to see her. -That's not what I mean. I want to see her. I don't know... -I don't know... Then screw you. I'll rot. -Then screw you. I'll rot. Alright. You can see her. But she can't see you. -Alright. You can see her. But she can't see you. Whatever. -Can I ask you something? A dog bit it. -A dog bit it. Excuse me? -Excuse me? You were going to ask about my nose. The poor animal is slated to be destroyed today. -You were going to ask about my nose. The poor animal is slated to be destroyed today. And you feel bad for it? -And you feel bad for it? It was my dog. Let me ask you a question. How long have you been acquainted with Jerry? -So he thinks NASA is plotting to kill the President? You already asked me that. Why do you insist on making me repeat myself? -You already asked me that. Why do you insist on making me repeat myself? And you have no idea where he lives? -And you have no idea where he lives? You've asked me that one three times. -You've asked me that one three times. Here's a fresh one. Why you? Your colleague Mr. Wilson says Jerry won't speak to anyone else. That seems oddly possessive behavior to me. -Here's a fresh one. Why you? Your colleague Mr. Wilson says Jerry won't speak to anyone else. That seems oddly possessive behavior to me. I'm sorry. What was the question again? -I'm sorry. What was the question again? Why you? -Why you? Honestly? I think he has a crush on me. -Honestly? I think he has a crush on me. A charming term. Now, why him? -A charming term. Now, why him? Excuse me? -Excuse me? Jerry's visits to your office. Why do you tolerate them? Why him? -Jerry's visits to your office. Why do you tolerate them? Why him? A year ago I was leaving work late one night. Two guys tried to mug me. It was horrible. Jerry came out of nowhere. To my rescue. Then he started coming to see me. Could've been a storybook if he wasn't crazy. At first I did my beat to avoid him. But there's something inside Jerry and... Jerry made me see it. He made me see him. That make sense? -Veritas. Truth. What is it they say about truth? The truth shall make you free. -The truth shall make you free. That's it. I went to Yale. I hope you won't hold that against me. -That's it. I went to Yale. I hope you won't hold that against me. Only on the football field. -I didn't know the C.I.A. had psychiatrists. We're very specialized. -We're very specialized. Brain washing, mind control, that sort of thing? -Brain washing, mind control, that sort of thing? Re-educating trained killers in the ways of polite society. Making sure the men who've gone over the edge won't hurt anyone. That sort of thing. -If you're as impressed to see me as I am to see you, you're very impressed indeed. How's Jerry feeling this morning? Fine. What the hell is going on? -Fine. What the hell is going on? Please, sit. -What I'm about to tell you is partially documented. The Freedom of Information Act saw to that. But much more of it isn't. For reasons which will soon be regrettably clear, I'm going to share -- secrets -- with you. Repeat any of it and you'll simply bestow the title of 'paranoid' upon yourself. Truth'll set you free. I'm listening. -Years ago, I worked for the C.I.A. in the M.K. ULTRA program. Are you familiar with it? It was mind control. Manchurian Candidate kind of stuff, right? -It was mind control. Manchurian Candidate kind of stuff, right? A vulgar pop term, but yes. Take an ordinary man and turn him into an assassin. That was our goal. -A vulgar pop term, but yes. Take an ordinary man and turn him into an assassin. That was our goal. Ask what you can do for your country. That kind of thing. -Ask what you can do for your country. That kind of thing. M.K. ULTRA was terminated in 1973. But not the research. It was renamed. EX CATCHER. -M.K. ULTRA was terminated in 1973. But not the research. It was renamed. EX CATCHER. As in Catcher in the Rye? -As in Catcher in the Rye? I am impressed. We used the distinctive cover as a sort of mental flash card. -We experimented with hallucinogens. We used electro- shock to produce a vegetative state. We conducted terminal experiments in sensory deprivation. Terminal? -Terminal? As in 'resulting in death.' We pushed the envelope until it wasn't even an envelope anymore. -As in 'resulting in death.' We pushed the envelope until it wasn't even an envelope anymore. If I had any idea what to charge you with or how to prove it, I'd arrest you right here. -If I had any idea what to charge you with or how to prove it, I'd arrest you right here. Me? I was a minor missionary, a heretic really. But where else could a red-blooded American boy lie, cheat, steal and kill with the sanction and blessings of the All-Highs? Besides, now I'm trying to pay my penance. -Me? I was a minor missionary, a heretic really. But where else could a red-blooded American boy lie, cheat, steal and kill with the sanction and blessings of the All-Highs? Besides, now I'm trying to pay my penance. Missionary? Penance? You talk about it like it was a religion. -Missionary? Penance? You talk about it like it was a religion. It was. It was. -Jerry told me he bit your nose. And what did I say? -And what did I say? A dog. -A dog. My dog. One I intend to put to sleep. Extrapolate from there. -My dog. One I intend to put to sleep. Extrapolate from there. These things you're talking about. You did them to Jerry? -These things you're talking about. You did them to Jerry? Yes, that's right. -I'm still listening. Jerry is dangerous. Jerry has killed -- -Jerry is dangerous. Jerry has killed -- I don't believe you. -Belief is immaterial. What's important is the truth... It's been my job to find Jerry. I'm very much responsible for him. If this was a spy novel, your next words would be something like I now know too much to live. Why are you telling me all this? -If this was a spy novel, your next words would be something like I now know too much to live. Why are you telling me all this? So you'll believe what I tell you next. Because I need to find Jerry. And I don't think I can do that without you. -Where'd you get it? You do recognize it then? -You do recognize it then? It was my father's. Kept it in his wallet. He was murdered -- -It was my father's. Kept it in his wallet. He was murdered -- I know the story. A federal judge. He denied a man in prison an appeal for a new trial. -I know the story. A federal judge. He denied a man in prison an appeal for a new trial. Not a man. Ezekiel Walters. -Not a man. Ezekiel Walters. Walters had nothing to do with your father's murder. -Walters had nothing to do with your father's murder. You sound so sure. -In Jerry's safety deposit box. I don't understand. -It's okay. I'm game. I want this box rigged with a beacon! -So, you doing anything tonight? Working. -Working. Hmm, how about tomorrow night? -Hmm, how about tomorrow night? Working. -Working. Night after that? -Night after that? Look, you're a nice guy, but I'm not really dating right now. -Look, you're a nice guy, but I'm not really dating right now. I'm not that good at 'no,' Liza. -I'm not that good at 'no,' Liza. Too bad. Because I'm terrible at 'yes.' -Liza, settle a bet for us. What do I look like to you? Switzerland? -Federal Bureau of Investigation. I need to speak with an Agent Lowry. -I need to speak with an Agent Lowry. The office is closed for the evening. Is this an emergency? -The office is closed for the evening. Is this an emergency? Do you have an Agent Lowry in your New York office? -Yes. Then this is a goddamn emergency. -Go ahead, Miss Sutton. Agent Lowry? -Ah, your psychotic is here. Not today... -Tell him I'm on vacation. That I won't be back for two weeks. I don't know if you're the best lawyer I've got or a high school sophomore. -I've been given a cease and desist on all matters relating to Jerry Fletcher. We're not to discuss him with the press, the N.Y.P.D., anyone. Building police are to arrest him on sight and we're to report any attempt he makes to contact you. This doesn't make sense. -This doesn't make sense. It makes perfect sense. Field work is not our oeuvre. -It makes perfect sense. Field work is not our oeuvre. I don't like it. Something's wrong. -I don't like it. Something's wrong. Dr. Jonas thought you might be inclined not to cooperate. Why is that? -Dr. Jonas thought you might be inclined not to cooperate. Why is that? We don't know who Jonas is. We don't know who it is we're cooperating with. -We don't know who Jonas is. We don't know who it is we're cooperating with. I've had a lot of credentials flashed in my face, Liza. What I saw yesterday, I know not to ask questions. We're out. Shut off. Terminated. Understood? -I've had a lot of credentials flashed in my face, Liza. What I saw yesterday, I know not to ask questions. We're out. Shut off. Terminated. Understood? -- Understood. -Go to the northeast corner. Call a cab. Bring the pizza. Then there's a poem. Roses are red, violets are blue, if the Pope goes to Washington, I would, too. What the hell does that mean? -We're waiting for jurisdictional problems to be cleared up. This guy Fletcher's something else. Tell me about it. -Tell me about it. While we walk. D.C. police want him for assault. Secret Service for counterfeiting and we're tracking him on a string of bank robberies. No one knows what the C.I.A. wants him for. -While we walk. D.C. police want him for assault. Secret Service for counterfeiting and we're tracking him on a string of bank robberies. No one knows what the C.I.A. wants him for. Wait -- -Guy's a C.I.A. shrink. Here to I.D. Fletcher. They knew each other somehow. You don't understand -- -Which way did he go? I don't know. Didn't see him. -That's the book Hinkley had on him when he shot Reagan. I was just thinking that. -You're welcome! Spooks. So, you want to compare notes on this guy. No. Not yet. -Agent Lowry. Wasn't my idea. -Wasn't my idea. Jonas? -Jonas? It's his show for now. Look, you want to get some dinner? Inter- Agency cooperation and all? -When I'm ready to compare notes, I'll let you know. Your call. Have a good night. -Can I talk to you a second? Go ahead. We'll be right down. -Do you believe me? Yeah, I do. -Yeah, I do. I want to believe you, too. -I want to believe you, too. What do you mean? -Who's the Deputy Director of the F.B.I.? You think we have time to fool around like this? Come on. -What gave me away? Nothing. I was just making sure. So, who are you? -I'm, it really doesn't matter. Think C.I.A. and exponentiate. I'm a government employee and I've been watching Jerry for awhile. And Jonas? -And Jonas? He's why I watch Jerry. Jerry's the bait for Jonas. -He's why I watch Jerry. Jerry's the bait for Jonas. He's shown himself. Why haven't you arrested him or killed him or done whatever it is you do? -He's shown himself. Why haven't you arrested him or killed him or done whatever it is you do? Jonas builds assassins for a living. Several of whom may be in place already. We'd like to kill a few birds with one stone. -Jonas builds assassins for a living. Several of whom may be in place already. We'd like to kill a few birds with one stone. Where do you think Jerry is? -Where do you think Jerry is? No idea. Honest. What are you going to do? -No idea. Honest. What are you going to do? I'm going to find him. Because he'd find me. -I'm going to find him. Because he'd find me. Don't go home. And don't go to work. Either one could be bad. -Don't go home. And don't go to work. Either one could be bad. What do you suggest? -What do you suggest? That you come with me. -That you come with me. I don't think so. -What? I'm not sure. We have no launch protocol; the entry of the passenger is supposed to initiate activation. -I'm not sure. We have no launch protocol; the entry of the passenger is supposed to initiate activation. Anything happening in there, El? -We have benzel activation, repeat, we have benzel activation. Control to Arroway, you okay in there? Repeat, Control to Arroway, come back. Ellie? -We've lost contact. Pull the plug. Get her out of there. -Pull the plug. Get her out of there. There's no plug to pull. -There's no plug to pull. What? -What? There is no abort procedure -- we don't know how we turned the damn thing on, let alone how to turn it off. -... And this is how the extraterrestrial presented himself to you? As your father? Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. He died... ... in 1972. -He died... ... in 1972. Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. Dr. Arroway, do you think it's possible you had some kind of... delusional episode. -Is it possible...? All the elements are there. A woman, orphaned young, under a great deal of stress. The failure of a project she's staked her self-worth and very sense of identity on -- induces a fantasy of reuniting with her 'father in heaven' as it were. Is it possible? -You don't believe it to be... tell me something, Doctor. Why do you think they would go to all this trouble... bring you tens of thousands of light years, and then send you home without a shred of proof? Sort of bad form, wouldn't you say? What was their intent? I don't know. Ultimately their motives may be as incomprehensible as their technology. -Dr. Arroway -- Michael Kitz, National Security Advisor. -Michael Kitz, National Security Advisor. Dr. Arroway, let me first say -- -Mike, because of the Earth's rotation we're only in line with Vega so many hours a day; the only way to get the whole message is to cooperate with other stations. If Dr. Arroway hadn't moved quickly we could have lost key elements. Okay, fine, they've got the primes -- but if you're right about there being another more significant transmission still to come -- -Hope there's a cartoon. How is that possible? How could all that information be encoded in -- -What in the hell...? It's a hoax. I knew it! --- Or 'you're our kind of people --' -- It's extremely unlikely that they had any idea what they were looking at. -Now I remember why I went into theoretical work. Kent. Glad to have you, David. How's the new office? -Glad to have you, David. How's the new office? Still settling in, really. Where's Dr. Arroway? -Nothing. Okay. Some of us have been a little... not concerned, exactly, but... Tell me. -Tell me. Last week, about 3 A.M., Fish -- Dr. Fisher -- was on a late shift, and he found her doing laundry. -Last week, about 3 A.M., Fish -- Dr. Fisher -- was on a late shift, and he found her doing laundry. So? -So? So... there wasn't any clothes in the machine. She was just sitting there on the floor with her ear pressed up against the Maytag. Listening. -I'm sorry, Miss Arroway, not only is it too Speculative a subject for a doctoral dissertation, at this point in your career it'd be tantamount to suicide. I'm willing to take that risk. -I'm willing to take that risk. I'm not. You're far too promising a scientist to waste your considerable gifts on this nonsense -- -I'm not. You're far too promising a scientist to waste your considerable gifts on this nonsense -- Dr. Drumlin, we are talking about what could potentially be the most important discovery in the history of humanity. There are over four hundred billion stars out there -- -Dr. Drumlin, we are talking about what could potentially be the most important discovery in the history of humanity. There are over four hundred billion stars out there -- And only two probabilities: One: there is intelligent life in the universe but they're so far away you'll never contact it in your lifetime -- -And only two probabilities: One: there is intelligent life in the universe but they're so far away you'll never contact it in your lifetime -- You're -- -You're -- Two: There's nothing out there but noble gasses and carbon compounds and you'd be wasting your time. -Two: There's nothing out there but noble gasses and carbon compounds and you'd be wasting your time. What if you're wrong? No -- I'll grant you probabilities but as a scientist without all the evidence -- you can't deny the possibility -- and I believe even the remotest possibility of something this profoundly... profound is worth investigation -- and worth taking a few risks. -What if you're wrong? No -- I'll grant you probabilities but as a scientist without all the evidence -- you can't deny the possibility -- and I believe even the remotest possibility of something this profoundly... profound is worth investigation -- and worth taking a few risks. I disagree. -I disagree. Then disagree but don't stand in my way! -Pepsi? Tequila? No, thanks. -Peter sends his regards. Oh? How's he doing? -Oh? How's he doing? Very well; since my appointment he's been made interim director. -Very well; since my appointment he's been made interim director. Really? Congratulations, by the way. -Really? Congratulations, by the way. I'm surprised you even knew it was an election year. -I'm surprised you even knew it was an election year. 'President's Science Advisor' -- so what, you just spend all your time jetting around on Air Force One now...? -'President's Science Advisor' -- so what, you just spend all your time jetting around on Air Force One now...? Now exactly. It's... complicated. -Now exactly. It's... complicated. No doubt. -No doubt. Ellie... -Ellie... Did I tell you we've expanded the search spectrum? We're including several other possible magic frequencies -- not just the hydrogen line anymore. I was trying to get inside their heads, y'know? And I started thinking, what other constants are there in the Universe besides hydrogen, and then suddenly it was so obvious -- transcendantals, right? So we've been trying variations of pi... -Did I tell you we've expanded the search spectrum? We're including several other possible magic frequencies -- not just the hydrogen line anymore. I was trying to get inside their heads, y'know? And I started thinking, what other constants are there in the Universe besides hydrogen, and then suddenly it was so obvious -- transcendantals, right? So we've been trying variations of pi... You know why I'm here. -You know why I'm here. It's not enough having my search time systematically cut down -- you know I'm down to three hours a week now. -It's not enough having my search time systematically cut down -- you know I'm down to three hours a week now. Ellie, I should have done this a long time ago, certainly before I left the N.S.F., but I wanted to give you every benefit of the doubt -- -Ellie, I should have done this a long time ago, certainly before I left the N.S.F., but I wanted to give you every benefit of the doubt -- You can't just pull the plug, David. -You can't just pull the plug, David. It's not like you've given me much choice. -It's not like you've given me much choice. Meaning... -Meaning... Meaning I have to go defend a budget to the President and to Congress and you're out here listening to washing machines. -Meaning I have to go defend a budget to the President and to Congress and you're out here listening to washing machines. I'm searching for patterns in the noise, that's all. Order in the chaos. I'm practicing listening -- -I'm searching for patterns in the noise, that's all. Order in the chaos. I'm practicing listening -- The point is, this isn't just scientific inquiry anymore -- it's turned into some kind of personal obsession. -The point is, this isn't just scientific inquiry anymore -- it's turned into some kind of personal obsession. The difference being what -- that I refuse to adopt the standard line, that I don't care about the results of my work? Well, I do care. Of course any discovery has to be verifiable, of course it must be subject to all rigors of scientific method, but I refuse to go around pretending I'm some kind of dispassionate automaton when it's obvious to anyone with a brain I'm just not. -The difference being what -- that I refuse to adopt the standard line, that I don't care about the results of my work? Well, I do care. Of course any discovery has to be verifiable, of course it must be subject to all rigors of scientific method, but I refuse to go around pretending I'm some kind of dispassionate automaton when it's obvious to anyone with a brain I'm just not. No... You're not. But the price has just gotten too high. -No... You're not. But the price has just gotten too high. Goddamnit, they are out there, David -- -Goddamnit, they are out there, David -- Then why haven't you detected any signals? If, as you claim, there have been thousands, millions of advanced civilizations out there for millions of years then why hasn't one signal gotten through? It'll take a month or two for the paperwork to go through; you're welcome to stay until then. -Then why haven't you detected any signals? If, as you claim, there have been thousands, millions of advanced civilizations out there for millions of years then why hasn't one signal gotten through? It'll take a month or two for the paperwork to go through; you're welcome to stay until then. David -- -David -- It was a worthy experiment -- worthy of you; I was wrong about that part. But it's over now. -Mathematics is the only truly universal language, Senator. We think this may be a beacon -- an announcement to get our attention. If it's attention you want I'd say you've got it. Just one thing: Why Vega? Everyone's looked at Vega for years with no results, and now, yesterday, they start broadcasting primes. Why? -If it's attention you want I'd say you've got it. Just one thing: Why Vega? Everyone's looked at Vega for years with no results, and now, yesterday, they start broadcasting primes. Why? It's hardly yesterday; the signal's been traveling for over twenty-six years. As for why... I'm hoping your own expertise in decryption algorithms will help us find out -- to see if there's another message buried deeper in the signal. -... could it be a nested code of some sort? You must have checked the signal for polarization modulation already... -Throw a gray scale on it; standard interpolation. Rotate 90 degrees counterclock wise. -... Arrangements also have to be made for the V.I.P.s coming in, mostly religious leaders... What? Why? -What? Why? The theological ramifications of all this are obvious; the President feels we need to include religious interests rather than alienate them. She's also named Palmer Joss as their liaison; he's requested a meeting with you. -The theological ramifications of all this are obvious; the President feels we need to include religious interests rather than alienate them. She's also named Palmer Joss as their liaison; he's requested a meeting with you. With me. -With me. Apparently he's genuinely interested in science. This could be a chance to win him over. -Apparently he's genuinely interested in science. This could be a chance to win him over. I'm going to convert Mr. Science-is- the-root-of-all-evil? This is absurd, David. We have work to do here, I don't have time to play babysitter to the God Squad. -I'm going to convert Mr. Science-is- the-root-of-all-evil? This is absurd, David. We have work to do here, I don't have time to play babysitter to the God Squad. Ellie -- -I want you to listen to me, carefully. The minute the implications of this message became clear, this stopped being simply a scientific matter and became a political one -- an extremely complex, extremely volatile one. There are forces at work here you don't understand; I can help you up to a point, but only up to a point. Are you threatening me? -Are you threatening me? It's not a threat, Ellie, it's a fact -- if you're not careful, you may find yourself out in the cold very quickly. Play ball. Really. It's good advice. -Ms. President, this is communist paranoia right out of War of the Worlds. There is no reason whatsoever to believe the ETIs intentions are hostile. We pose no threat to them -- it would be like us going out of our way to destroy microbes on a beach in Africa. Interesting analogy. And how guilty would we feel if we happened to destroy some microbes on a beach in Africa? -What is it? What's happened? We've cracked it. Lunacharsky found it. -We've cracked it. Lunacharsky found it. You mean -- -You mean -- You were right, Ellie. You were right all along. -David -- Ellie. -Ellie. Do you have a minute -- ? -Do you have a minute -- ? Actually I'm running late -- -Actually I'm running late -- It'll just take a moment. -David... I know we've had our differences... but I've always thought of you as a fair man, even when we've disagreed -- and It's in that light I'm hoping you'll consider my request... I don't understand. -I don't understand. I'm asking for your help, David. I want to go. They'll need someone relatively young, unattached -- and probably a scientist. As the President's Science Advisor you have enormous weight... I'm asking if you'll support my candidacy. -I'm asking for your help, David. I want to go. They'll need someone relatively young, unattached -- and probably a scientist. As the President's Science Advisor you have enormous weight... I'm asking if you'll support my candidacy. Ellie... you should know that I'm no longer the President's Science Advisor. -Ellie... you should know that I'm no longer the President's Science Advisor. What? -What? As of three o'clock this afternoon. I submitted my resignation. -You... Excuse me, I'm late for a meeting. -... Two years is still a hell of a long time -- and as far as we can tell there aren't any provisions in the machine design for storing food, water, even air... ... I can't believe they wouldn't take something as basic as our biological needs into account... -They knew our level of development. If, as you say, they've done this many times they'd be well aware of the implications. Maybe they are. Maybe this is all part of the package. The building of the machine has demanded international cooperation on an unprecedented scale. Maybe requiring us to come together in this way was, in effect, part of the plan. -You aren't staying? This... seemed best. -This... seemed best. Right. Well. -Right. Well. Good luck, David. -Ellie... we both know that if I was any kind of a man, I never would've entered this race. That I would have told the President straight out: Helen, Eleanor Arroway is naive and strident and an enormous pain in the ass... but she's got more courage and intelligence than the rest of us put together. That more then anyone else on the planet, she's earned this. And that she should be the one to go because she's the best we have. But that's not who I am. I like to think it's who I might've been if things had gone a different way; that I might have been worthy, really worthy of what I've been given... You do what you have to do. And in the end, as with everything, it comes down to power. And it isn't fair... What would you have me say, David? -What would you have me say, David? Nothing. I guess I just wanted to thank you. -Nothing. I guess I just wanted to thank you. Thank you? -Thank you? For giving me a chance, just for a moment, to feel what it must be like to be you. -What does it say? It could be anything. The first volume of some Encyclopedia Galactica... -Because you cut it from the budget three years running. How soon will you be able to decode it? -... And while its function remains, for the moment, a mystery, my best guess is that it represents a transport of some kind. A transport. So are they coming or are we going? -Mr. Rank's organization represents the point of view of tens of millions of families, Dr. Arroway. Feel free to disagree, but there won't be any suppressing of opinions here today. Yes -- of course -- all I'm saying is, this message was written in the language of science -- mathematics -- and was clearly intended to be received by scientists. If it had been religious in nature it should have taken the form of a burning bush, or a booming voice from the sky... -What's the status of the decryption effort? Well -- -Dr. Lunacharsky...? Analyzing signal polarization shifts. -What... In ancient times when parchment was in short supply people would write over old writing... it was called a palimpsest. -In ancient times when parchment was in short supply people would write over old writing... it was called a palimpsest. A third layer. -There's no way of knowing. Without a key -- a primer, to help us, maybe never. Maybe it'll be at the end of the data when the message recycles. -What? We've repeated. A few minutes ago the message cycled back to page one. -We've repeated. A few minutes ago the message cycled back to page one. And? -And? No primer. -No primer. How can that be? -How can that be? I don't know. Maybe there is a fourth layer in there somewhere, but if there is, I sure as hell can't find it. -J39 Z186...? Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. -Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. VB10's an M dwarf; Signa Draconis... too old. -Got a bogey, boss? I'm not sure. You mind checking right ascension 18 hours, 34 minutes; declination plus 38 degrees 41 minutes? -Hydrogen times pi... Got it. Strong sucker. Put it on speakers. -That can't be right; it's only twenty-six light years away. I scanned it at Arecibo; negative results, always. -How's the spying tonight, guys? NORAD's not tracking any spacecraft in our vector including snoops; shuttle Endeavor's in sleep mode. -Dr. Cullers? Kent, Kent for Chrissakes. You must be Eleanor. -Kent, Kent for Chrissakes. You must be Eleanor. Ellie. Pulsar? -Ellie. Pulsar? 1919+21. Found a glitch in the timing; probably a starquake. -1919+21. Found a glitch in the timing; probably a starquake. Nice. Where? -Here, right around Centaurus A. This is how you see the sky? -This is how you see the sky? It's how I hear it. The display's just a little something I programmed for astronomers with the misfortune of sight. -It's how I hear it. The display's just a little something I programmed for astronomers with the misfortune of sight. It's beautiful. -It's beautiful. Never seen the optical sky myself, but I hear it's nice too. -You've only searched -- what is it, sixteen hundred stars without a peep? Try not to take it too personally. Thank you, Mr. Sensitive. I'm coming at this wrong... missing something... something... -Okay, let's just slow down. Pull up the starfield signal origin. It can't be coming from Vega, the system's too young. -Can't we get rid of them? It's a civilian facility. -I think we just hit the cosmic jackpot. It's incredibly rich. We've been cataloging it in frames or 'pages'; right now we're on 10,413. -I'll come right to the point, Doctor. Your sending this message all over the world may well be a breach of National Security. This isn't a person to person call, Mr. Kitz. I don't really think the civilization sending the message intended it just for Americans. -This isn't a person to person call, Mr. Kitz. I don't really think the civilization sending the message intended it just for Americans. I'm saying you might have consulted us; the contents of this message could be extremely sensitive... -I'm saying you might have consulted us; the contents of this message could be extremely sensitive... You want to classify prime numbers? --- which we'll also need the network's help to receive and decode! You don't seem to understand that it's your interests I'm trying to protect -- ! -Colonel Jarrod, I'd like a twenty mile radio-silent perimeter put around this installation immediately. And a hundred mile airspace. -And a hundred mile airspace. And a hundred mile airspace. -Pardon me, but you can't do -- ! If at some later date the message proves harmless, we can discuss sharing it with the rest of the world, but until then -- -If at some later date the message proves harmless, we can discuss sharing it with the rest of the world, but until then -- That's terrific, but there's one problem: we don't have the means to receive all the data on our own. -... I don't understand it. All I can think is that maybe because the video gear wasn't accounted for in the original plans it somehow violated the integrity of the design. Is that your official response? -Is that your official response? I don't have an official response, Michael. All I have are the same questions you have. -There is no direct evidence, no. And current theory holds that to sustain the sort of wormholes you're talking about, even for a fraction of a second, would require more energy than our sun produces in a year, is that correct? -And current theory holds that to sustain the sort of wormholes you're talking about, even for a fraction of a second, would require more energy than our sun produces in a year, is that correct? I don't have the figures in front of me, but yes, that sounds about right. -I don't have the figures in front of me, but yes, that sounds about right. In fact, by all the laws of physics we know what you claim to have experienced is simply impossible. -In fact, by all the laws of physics we know what you claim to have experienced is simply impossible. By our standards... yes. -Please answer the question, Doctor. Is it possible. Yes. But -- -Is it possible. Yes. But -- Thank you, Doctor. Now -- -Thank you, Doctor. Now -- -- but I don't believe it to be the truth. -So why don't you admit what by your own standards must be the truth: that this experience simply didn't happen. Because I can't. -Small moves, Captain, small moves. I can't move any smaller. -I can't move any smaller. Try again between the static and 'Hey Jude'; that's where they're hiding. -Talk to him. But what do I say? -But what do I say? Just be yourself, Captain. Find out where he is. -Could we hear to China? On that old shortwave? Maybe on a clear night. Come on now, under the covers. -On that old shortwave? Maybe on a clear night. Come on now, under the covers. Could we hear to the moon? -Could we hear to the moon? Big enough radio, I don't see why not. -Big enough radio, I don't see why not. Could we hear God? -Could we hear God? Mmm, that's a good one. Maybe his echo... Okay, no more stalling. -Mmm, that's a good one. Maybe his echo... Okay, no more stalling. Okay, okay... there. -Pensacola. That's a beauty, Captain. Now get some sleep. -Time to sleep now, Captain. But you can ask more questions in the morning, okay? Okay. -I used... I used to dream you were alive... and then I'd wake up and lose you all over again. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, sweetheart. -I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, sweetheart. Dad... But tell me, how did... I mean how can...? -You're not real. None of this is. That's my scientist. -That's my scientist. So. Are you an hallucination? Or are little gear trains and circuit boards under your skin? -So. Are you an hallucination? Or are little gear trains and circuit boards under your skin? Am I artifact or dream? You might ask that about anything. -Am I artifact or dream? You might ask that about anything. But you're so... I mean how could you possibly...? When I was unconscious. You... downloaded... my thoughts, my memories, even... This beach. I've never been here but I remember... it's how I always imagined... Pensacola. -But you're so... I mean how could you possibly...? When I was unconscious. You... downloaded... my thoughts, my memories, even... This beach. I've never been here but I remember... it's how I always imagined... Pensacola. We thought this might make things a little easier. -So who -- what -- are you? Originally just another species like yourselves. Well, not like you at all actually, but... -Originally just another species like yourselves. Well, not like you at all actually, but... Can you show me? -Can you show me? Small moves, Captain, small moves. -Small moves, Captain, small moves. Why did you contact us? -Why did you contact us? You contacted us. We were simply listening. We've been listening for millions of years. -You contacted us. We were simply listening. We've been listening for millions of years. And those other docking ports I saw... I mean... there are others? -And those other docking ports I saw... I mean... there are others? Many others. -Many others. And they all travel here through this wormhole subway system you built. -And they all travel here through this wormhole subway system you built. Oh, we didn't build it. The transit system has been in place for billions of years; we're just its... caretakers. -Oh, we didn't build it. The transit system has been in place for billions of years; we're just its... caretakers. So who...? -So who...? We don't know. Whoever they were, they were gone long before we ever got here. -We don't know. Whoever they were, they were gone long before we ever got here. The scale... it's just... So all the civilizations you detect; they all end up coming here? -The scale... it's just... So all the civilizations you detect; they all end up coming here? Not all. Some choose to stay at home and dream their dreams. Some never make it this far. -Not all. Some choose to stay at home and dream their dreams. Some never make it this far. So we passed some kind of test? -So we passed some kind of test? You have your mother's hands... There are no tests, Ellie. We don't sit in judgment. Think of us more as... librarians. Curators of the Universe's rarest and most valuable creation... -... life is unspeakably rare. So whenever we do find another civilization, especially one that's... struggling... We send a message. Sometimes we can offer help. Sometimes we can't. But we always try. Life is simply too precious not to. Can you help us? -Am I one... or many? The librarian... or the library...? -... all those voices... you gather them all together. Millions of intelligences in one consciousness... and now we're a part of it. You always have been. We're all descendants of the same stars, Ellie. All made of the same primordial atoms. -You always have been. We're all descendants of the same stars, Ellie. All made of the same primordial atoms. So. What happens now? -So. What happens now? Now... you go home. -Now... you go home. No! I mean... why so soon? -No! I mean... why so soon? If we don't engineer a consistent causality it'll work itself out on its own, and that's almost always worse. Ellie, according to your physics none of this is possible. A lot of it you're simply not capable of understanding, not yet. No offense. -If we don't engineer a consistent causality it'll work itself out on its own, and that's almost always worse. Ellie, according to your physics none of this is possible. A lot of it you're simply not capable of understanding, not yet. No offense. None taken... but ... do we get to come back? Others of my kind, I mean. -Eventually you'll get here on your own. This was just the first step; in time you'll take another. But -- other people from our planet should see what I've seen -- they should witness this for themselves. -But -- other people from our planet should see what I've seen -- they should witness this for themselves. That isn't the way it works. -That isn't the way it works. But you said you wanted to help -- don't you see what it would mean? -But you said you wanted to help -- don't you see what it would mean? No more stalling, Captain. -No more stalling, Captain. Please -- if you... downloaded... everything about us you know the problems we face, the impact it could have -- it could make the difference -- -Please -- if you... downloaded... everything about us you know the problems we face, the impact it could have -- it could make the difference -- Ellie... this is the way it's been done for billions of years... -It's time to go home now. No. Please. -No. Please. Childhood is over, Ellie. It's time to grow up. -S.R. Hadden... You compromised our security codes. Once upon a time I was a hell of an engineer. Please, sit, Doctor. I have guests so rarely, it's important to me they feel welcome in my home. Did you know this was once Yeltsin's flying dascha? That dent is where he threw a bottle of vodka at the pilot. At least that's what the people who sold me the plane said... -You live here. I find it convenient to keep my interests... mobile. Anyway, I've had my fill of life on the ground. After spending much of this century pursuing the evils and pleasures the world has to offer -- after outliving three wives and two children... I find I've had quite enough of planet Earth. -I find it convenient to keep my interests... mobile. Anyway, I've had my fill of life on the ground. After spending much of this century pursuing the evils and pleasures the world has to offer -- after outliving three wives and two children... I find I've had quite enough of planet Earth. Why am I here, Mr. Hadden? -Why am I here, Mr. Hadden? The infamous, unfashionable bluntness. You're here so we can do business. I want to make a deal. -The infamous, unfashionable bluntness. You're here so we can do business. I want to make a deal. What kind of deal? -What kind of deal? The powers that be have been quite busy lately, falling over each other to position themselves for the game of the century, if not the millennium. Perhaps you've noticed. Perhaps I could help deal you back in. -The powers that be have been quite busy lately, falling over each other to position themselves for the game of the century, if not the millennium. Perhaps you've noticed. Perhaps I could help deal you back in. I didn't realize I was out. -I didn't realize I was out. Oh, maybe not out -- but definitely looking for you coat. I understand you've had some difficulty locating the -- what are you calling it? The 'primer' that will make decryption possible... I've found it. -Oh, maybe not out -- but definitely looking for you coat. I understand you've had some difficulty locating the -- what are you calling it? The 'primer' that will make decryption possible... I've found it. You've... found it. What could I possibly have that you would want, Mr. Hadden? -You've... found it. What could I possibly have that you would want, Mr. Hadden? I've had a long time to make enemies, Dr. Arroway. There are many governments, business interests, even religious leaders who would like to see me disappear. And I will grant them their wish soon enough... But before I do, I wish to make a small contribution -- a final gesture of goodwill toward the people of this little planet who've given -- from whom I've taken so much. -I've had a long time to make enemies, Dr. Arroway. There are many governments, business interests, even religious leaders who would like to see me disappear. And I will grant them their wish soon enough... But before I do, I wish to make a small contribution -- a final gesture of goodwill toward the people of this little planet who've given -- from whom I've taken so much. If I knew you any better I'd say that doesn't sound like you. -If I knew you any better I'd say that doesn't sound like you. That's my girl... Lights. -Page after page of data -- over sixty-three thousand in all, if I'm not mistaken... and at the end of each... A page-break signal. A period. -A page-break signal. A period. Not if you think like a Vegan. -Not if you think like a Vegan. You're saying... there is no separate primer in the message -- because it's on every page so the recipient can decipher it wherever he is -- -You're saying... there is no separate primer in the message -- because it's on every page so the recipient can decipher it wherever he is -- -- even if he doesn't receive the entire transmission. Heaven is the mustard seed. -Some kind of circuitry...? Very good, Doctor. I've also detected structural elements, back references, a general movement from the simple to the complex -- all of which would seem to indicate instructions -- an enormously complicated set of instructions -- for building something. -Very good, Doctor. I've also detected structural elements, back references, a general movement from the simple to the complex -- all of which would seem to indicate instructions -- an enormously complicated set of instructions -- for building something. A machine. But a machine that does what? -A machine. But a machine that does what? That would seem to be the question of the hour. I want to build it, Doctor. Of course I'm already lobbying through the usual channels of influence and corruption -- but as I said, my colorful past has made many of those channels... difficult to navigate. I need someone on the inside. -That would seem to be the question of the hour. I want to build it, Doctor. Of course I'm already lobbying through the usual channels of influence and corruption -- but as I said, my colorful past has made many of those channels... difficult to navigate. I need someone on the inside. And in return? -And in return? In return... you get the primer -- and with it the power to stay in the game. Do we have a deal? -Mr. Hadden, I'm a scientist; I don't make deals... But. If you wish to give me, in good faith, access to your information, I can assure you that I will exert all reasonable efforts to promote your cause wherever it doesn't conflict with the best interests of science... or my better judgment. That's my girl. Done. -A sunrise and a sunset every forty- five minutes. It's so... small. -It's so... small. Poor, tired, spinning girl... How we feasted on her. And now that we've had our fill and given her a giant dose of the clap... we're pulling out. That's Paris, where my daughter was born. Moscow, where gangsters rule the night and I gave up smoking. So many battles, so many lives... all that sturm, and drang. As if it never happened. If it weren't for a few power grids, you wouldn't know we existed. -What's that? Japanese squid fleet. They use lights to attract them to the surface... then turn them into sushi. -It looks like pixie dust... Kent would've given anything to see this. David, too. Yes. A shame. Still... it'd be worse if they died for nothing. -Yes. A shame. Still... it'd be worse if they died for nothing. What are you talking about? It's over. -What are you talking about? It's over. Oh, not quite yet. At least for their sake... ... I hope it's not. Because they're running out of time. -Oh, not quite yet. At least for their sake... ... I hope it's not. Because they're running out of time. You sound like Joseph. You think the world ends with the millennium? -You sound like Joseph. You think the world ends with the millennium? I think whoever sent the message did it because they're worried about us. -I think whoever sent the message did it because they're worried about us. The gods sent us the machine because they took pity on us. -The gods sent us the machine because they took pity on us. Wouldn't you if you saw Hitler on TV? Come; I want to show you something. -Hokkaido Island. The systems integration site. -The systems integration site. Mmm. Look closer. -As each component was tested and shipped off to Texas a duplicate was maintained and assembled in Hokkaido -- for backup purposes, of course. We've been right behind you the entire time. You see my problem: I couldn't appear to control too large a percentage; my enemies wouldn't stand for it. So I simply made sure the Japanese consortium received the systems integration contract. Of course no one had to know the corporations involved were recently acquired, wholly-owned subsidiaries -- -- of Hadden Industries. -Why don't you come back with me? Can't. Doctor's orders. The low oxygen/zero gravity environment is the only thing keeping the cancer from eating me alive. It's all right -- I like it here. Ever try sex in zero-G? -Very well. Assume this is true. Assume they have only the best of intentions. Suppose they decide to just step in and solve all our problems for us. You have no objection to them so flagrantly intervening in human affairs? We've just lived through a century of incredible violence and self- destruction. Do you call it 'interventionist' when you stop a toddler from walking in front of a truck? -I'd say this is slightly different. Perhaps. But on the off-chance that it is a 'doomsday device' of some kind, I plan to be very far away from your lovely Texas when it is activated. -Perhaps. But on the off-chance that it is a 'doomsday device' of some kind, I plan to be very far away from your lovely Texas when it is activated. I thought you were here because you want to go. -I thought you were here because you want to go. I do. More than anything. But I am also a realist. Soon this... what is your charming term -- ? Dog and pony show will finally be over, and I will go home. -I do. More than anything. But I am also a realist. Soon this... what is your charming term -- ? Dog and pony show will finally be over, and I will go home. You're implying that the whole selection process is a sham? -You're implying that the whole selection process is a sham? I think it is your naivete I like best about you, Eleanor. Oh, there'll be a worldwide protest, but we all knew it from the very beginning. You Americans discovered the signal, you led the decryption effort. The machine is being built on your home soil... Of course the passenger will be an American, chosen by Americans. Anyway, it is what the whole world wants, no? This is the big show. The sort you put on better than anyone. It's good marketing. It's good casting. It's the American way. -... Drumlin said you're been down at Arecibo for the last year. It's beautiful but it does get a little lonely. Sometimes I think the reason we build these things in such godforsaken places isn't to avoid excess radio traffic but because we're all such pathetic antisocial misfits... Speaking of which: How're you getting on with the old man? -It's beautiful but it does get a little lonely. Sometimes I think the reason we build these things in such godforsaken places isn't to avoid excess radio traffic but because we're all such pathetic antisocial misfits... Speaking of which: How're you getting on with the old man? He's an incredible prick but I never learned so much in my life. -He's an incredible prick but I never learned so much in my life. That's what they all say. -Ellie. Arroway. Peter Valerian. -Peter Valerian. Sounds like a Russian general. -Sounds like a Russian general. Yavol. -I read your paper on ETI's. It's brilliant. Keep it down, okay? Drumlin thinks I'm enough of a flake as it is. Look -- everyone here has their little fetishes. Caven goes to topless bars, Vernon's got his carnivorous plants... mine just happens to be extraterrestrial intelligence. -Keep it down, okay? Drumlin thinks I'm enough of a flake as it is. Look -- everyone here has their little fetishes. Caven goes to topless bars, Vernon's got his carnivorous plants... mine just happens to be extraterrestrial intelligence. What a coincidence. It happens to be my fetish too. -... I'm just so sick of feeling defensive about the things I care about! Or being lumped in with the lunatic fringe by people like Drumlin, when if they'd just put aside their preconceptions for two seconds and look at the facts... They can't. I think it's against human nature to admit to that level of... insignificance; to not see yourself as basically the center of the universe. -They can't. I think it's against human nature to admit to that level of... insignificance; to not see yourself as basically the center of the universe. It's like the pre-Copernicans who swore the sun revolved around the Earth, or the Victorians at the end of the last century who concluded that all major discoveries had now been made. I mean... try to imagine civilization a thousand years ahead of us -- then imagine trying to explain... I dunno, a microwave oven -- to someone even a hundred years ago -- I mean the basic concepts didn't exist... -It's like the pre-Copernicans who swore the sun revolved around the Earth, or the Victorians at the end of the last century who concluded that all major discoveries had now been made. I mean... try to imagine civilization a thousand years ahead of us -- then imagine trying to explain... I dunno, a microwave oven -- to someone even a hundred years ago -- I mean the basic concepts didn't exist... 'Any sufficiently advanced technology...' -'Any sufficiently advanced technology...' '... is indistinguishable from magic.' -... I keep telling myself okay, that's just the price, you have to do your time doing shitwork before you're allowed to get to the good stuff... but if I have to catalog one more quasar... God, I've missed you. Any luck on the grant money? -Any luck on the grant money? Please. Any chance of that died the day David Drumlin was appointed head of the N.S.F. I have been in contact with a few other SETI people; we've been trying to find backing from private investors. I've even managed to scrounge a couple of hours of telescope time here and there... -Please. Any chance of that died the day David Drumlin was appointed head of the N.S.F. I have been in contact with a few other SETI people; we've been trying to find backing from private investors. I've even managed to scrounge a couple of hours of telescope time here and there... And? -And? I've examined over forty stars of roughly solar spectral type but so far nothing. Still, we've barely started... -... We've been going after some of the big multi-nationals but without much luck; got a donation from a New York dowager... We've even been thinking about selling T-shirts. Ellie... even if you do manage to raise the money, have you thought about what it would really mean to follow through on this? I mean a college fetish is one thing, but we're talking about your career. You won't be publishing. You won't be taken seriously... and you could spend your entire life looking and never find anything at all. -If we lived at any previous time in human history we wouldn't even have the option of failing -- we'd have to wonder our whole lives, unable to do anything about it. This time, right now, is unique in our history, in any civilization's history -- the moment of the acquisition of technology. The moment when contact becomes possible. We've already beaten incredible odds by being lucky enough to be alive now. How close are you to getting this funding put together? -How close are you to getting this funding put together? It's almost there. The hardest part is getting someone to sell us the telescope time. -It's almost there. The hardest part is getting someone to sell us the telescope time. What if I said I could get Drumlin to agree to sell you time in New Mexico? -What if I said I could get Drumlin to agree to sell you time in New Mexico? The V.L.A.? -The V.L.A.? Thirty-one linked dishes. You could search more sky there in a day than you could in a year here. -Thirty-one linked dishes. You could search more sky there in a day than you could in a year here. Peter -- if you can get him to do that for me he'd obviously do the same for you -- we could -- ! -Peter -- if you can get him to do that for me he'd obviously do the same for you -- we could -- ! Actually -- -Actually -- We could be together again -- -We could be together again -- -- I'm moving to Washington. --- I'm moving to Washington. Greenbank? -Greenbank? I'm going on staff at the N.S.F. To work for Drumlin. -I'm going on staff at the N.S.F. To work for Drumlin. But what about your research -- ? -But what about your research -- ? This is a chance to be of enormous help to other people's research -- to have the power to be a real advocate where David's got blind spots -- -This is a chance to be of enormous help to other people's research -- to have the power to be a real advocate where David's got blind spots -- But the work -- -But the work -- 'The work,' Jesus, Ellie, can't there just once be more to life than the work? Okay, maybe that's the only way to get the recognition, win the prizes -- -'The work,' Jesus, Ellie, can't there just once be more to life than the work? Okay, maybe that's the only way to get the recognition, win the prizes -- Please, you're just as ambitious as I am, more -- -Please, you're just as ambitious as I am, more -- Maybe that's the problem. I want... a family, Ellie. I want kids. A townhouse on L street instead of still living like a college kid. A real life. Maybe that makes me a sellout but I don't care anymore. It's what I want. -Maybe that's the problem. I want... a family, Ellie. I want kids. A townhouse on L street instead of still living like a college kid. A real life. Maybe that makes me a sellout but I don't care anymore. It's what I want. And you think I don't want those things? You think I don't stay up half the night wondering if I've made the right choice living half a world away from you, wondering if any of this is worth what I'm giving up for it everyday? Let's get married. -And you think I don't want those things? You think I don't stay up half the night wondering if I've made the right choice living half a world away from you, wondering if any of this is worth what I'm giving up for it everyday? Let's get married. Jesus -- -Jesus -- Right now -- we'll drive down to Ramey and get the base chaplain to marry us. -Right now -- we'll drive down to Ramey and get the base chaplain to marry us. Ellie -- -Ellie -- I'm serious about this, Peter -- -I'm serious about this, Peter -- Ellie -- I'm getting married. Her name's Laura. She came up to Owens Valley to do her post-doc about six months after you left. -Ellie -- I'm getting married. Her name's Laura. She came up to Owens Valley to do her post-doc about six months after you left. You sonofabitch. -You sonofabitch. That is true. But it's also true that if I really thought we wanted the same things, I'd follow you anywhere... but the truth is I don't think you want the company. Be honest, El. There's nowhere you'd rather be than sitting out at some remote corner of the world searching for the answers to the mysteries of the universe. And call me crazy, but I just can't compete with that... I'm sorry. -Ellie. Peter. -It's good to see you, Ellie. You too. -Someone tell me this is really happening. It's really happening. -It's really happening. That you, Valerian? -That you, Valerian? Like it or not. -Like it or not. Like it. Almost there. -Ellie -- are you okay? I'm -- I'm fine. -I'm -- I'm fine. Thank God. When we lost contact, I thought -- we thought... but you're okay. We're still trying to determine the nature of the malfunction. Did you notice anything at all that -- -Thank God. When we lost contact, I thought -- we thought... but you're okay. We're still trying to determine the nature of the malfunction. Did you notice anything at all that -- Wait -- hold on a minute -- -Wait -- hold on a minute -- It's all right, the important thing is you're safe -- -It's all right, the important thing is you're safe -- Peter, what are you talking about? What malfunction? What day is this? -Peter, what are you talking about? What malfunction? What day is this? What day? -What day? How long was I gone? -Peter... What is going on? Has everyone gone completely insane? That's one way of putting it. Kitz, the President, the I.S.C. have shut down all official communications; there've also been reports of riots flaring up across the U.S. and Europe. Until we figure out what went wrong things may get rough, especially for you -- -That's one way of putting it. Kitz, the President, the I.S.C. have shut down all official communications; there've also been reports of riots flaring up across the U.S. and Europe. Until we figure out what went wrong things may get rough, especially for you -- But the machine worked -- that's what I've been trying to tell everyone! The tape -- it's all there, if they'd just look at... ... the tape... -I agree with Mr. Rank that there are unavoidable religious implications here -- but I don't think it justifies taking an alarmist position. Dr. Arroway is right -- their chosen means of communication was a scientific one, and a scientific approach is probably appropriate, at least until the theological dimensions of the problem become more apparent. And where exactly does that put your position...? -And where exactly does that put your position...? I'd have to say I don't know enough to have one yet. For the moment I don't believe the two approaches have to be mutually exclusive. -Champagne please. Make that two. -... What I'm curious about are the wilderness years. You're out there all alone, no money, mocked by the skeptics. It must have taken tremendous faith. I'd say logic more than faith. The odds were on my side. -I'd say logic more than faith. The odds were on my side. And what would you have done if the odds had gone against you? -And what would you have done if the odds had gone against you? I guess I would've felt sorry for the universe. -I guess I would've felt sorry for the universe. Spoken like a true believer. -Spoken like a true believer. What about you? Doesn't all of this shake your faith at all? -What about you? Doesn't all of this shake your faith at all? How do you mean? -How do you mean? Well it's been a while, but I don't recall the Bible saying too much about alien civilizations. -Well it's been a while, but I don't recall the Bible saying too much about alien civilizations. 'My father's house has many mansions.' -'My father's house has many mansions.' Very smooth. It's Palmer, right? Where I came from a palmer was a person who cheated at cards. Really though... the Bible describes a God who watches over one tiny world a few thousand years old. I look out there and see a universe of hundreds of billions of galaxies, each with hundreds of billions of stars... I mean burn me for a heretic, but your God seems awfully small. -Your 'faith' tells you that the distance a pendulum swings from the vertical can never get bigger, only smaller. That's not faith, it's physics. The second law of thermodynamics. -And you believe this law with all your heart and soul. And mind, yes. What are you -- -And mind, yes. What are you -- So if I let the pendulum go, when it swings back you wouldn't flinch. -I flinched. Only a tiny bit. Even the most devout believer is allowed a little doubt. -Only a tiny bit. Even the most devout believer is allowed a little doubt. That's not doubt. That's four hundred years of science fighting a billion years of instinct. I always wondered what you religious types did with your free time. -That's not doubt. That's four hundred years of science fighting a billion years of instinct. I always wondered what you religious types did with your free time. Now you know. -... It's an old story. I grew up in South Boston, more or less on the streets. By the time I was thirteen I'd tried my first hit of heroin, by fifteen I'd stopped using but I was dealing full-time. By the time I was nineteen I decided I didn't want to live any more, at least not in a world like that. One day I got on a bus; I got as far as Ohio before my money ran out, and after that I just kept walking. Didn't eat, didn't sleep... just walked. I ended up collapsing in a wheat field. There was a storm... I woke up... And that's about as far as words'll go. Can you try? -Can you try? I had... an experience. Of belonging. Of unconditional love. And for the first time in my life I wasn't terrified, and I wasn't alone. -I had... an experience. Of belonging. Of unconditional love. And for the first time in my life I wasn't terrified, and I wasn't alone. And there's no chance you had this experience simply because some part of you needed to have it? -And there's no chance you had this experience simply because some part of you needed to have it? Look, I'm a reasonable person, and reasonably intelligent. But this experience went beyond both. For the first time I had to consider the possibility that intellect, as wonderful as it is, is not the only way of comprehending the universe. That it was too small and inadequate a tool to deal with what it was faced with. -Look, I'm a reasonable person, and reasonably intelligent. But this experience went beyond both. For the first time I had to consider the possibility that intellect, as wonderful as it is, is not the only way of comprehending the universe. That it was too small and inadequate a tool to deal with what it was faced with. You may not believe this... but there's a part of me that wants more than anything to believe in your God. To believe that we're all here for a purpose, that all this... means something. But it's because that part of me wants it so badly that I'm so stubborn about making sure it isn't just self-delusion. Of course I want to know God if there is one... but it has to be real. Unless I have proof how can I be sure? -You may not believe this... but there's a part of me that wants more than anything to believe in your God. To believe that we're all here for a purpose, that all this... means something. But it's because that part of me wants it so badly that I'm so stubborn about making sure it isn't just self-delusion. Of course I want to know God if there is one... but it has to be real. Unless I have proof how can I be sure? Do you love your parents? -Do you love your parents? I never knew my mother. My father died when I was nine. -I never knew my mother. My father died when I was nine. Did you love him? -Did you love him? Yes. Very much. -Yes. Very much. Prove it. -So. Is this kosher fraternizing with the enemy like this? Some of my best friends are scientists. -Some of my best friends are scientists. I was referring to the selectees mingling with the selectors. -I was referring to the selectees mingling with the selectors. Some of my best friends are scientists. They're saying the machine is alive. -Some of my best friends are scientists. They're saying the machine is alive. Not exactly. It has organic qualities, but we don't really understand how they're integrated with the mechanical systems. -Not exactly. It has organic qualities, but we don't really understand how they're integrated with the mechanical systems. Maybe you're creating a monster. -Maybe you're creating a monster. I don't think so. -I don't think so. Why? -Why? It's too... elegant. The degree of economy is extraordinary; it's really the next logical step... Even on Earth technology has always aspired to a condition of nature. D.N.A. outclasses any computer we can come up with; the human body is the most exquisitely designed machine imaginable. -It's too... elegant. The degree of economy is extraordinary; it's really the next logical step... Even on Earth technology has always aspired to a condition of nature. D.N.A. outclasses any computer we can come up with; the human body is the most exquisitely designed machine imaginable. In other words, God is one hell of an engineer. -In other words, God is one hell of an engineer. In other words. -Relativity. Explain this to me one more time... even if you traveled near the speed of light, when you came back -- If you came back. -If you came back. If you came back... you'd only be four years older -- but over 50 years would have passed on Earth. -If you came back... you'd only be four years older -- but over 50 years would have passed on Earth. Something like that. -Something like that. And everybody you care about would be dead and buried. -If you came back. If you survived at all. Which it's pretty certain you wouldn't. You're willing to die for this. -You're willing to die for this. It's what my whole life's been... aimed at; the only thing that's given it a sense of purpose. -I read your book. Really. -Really. Losing Faith: The Search For Meaning In the Age of Reason. Catchy. -Losing Faith: The Search For Meaning In the Age of Reason. Catchy. What'd you think? -What'd you think? I'm more interested in the story behind the story... How a young man goes from living on the streets of South Boston to being the best- selling media figure rubbing elbows with the President. -I'm more interested in the story behind the story... How a young man goes from living on the streets of South Boston to being the best- selling media figure rubbing elbows with the President. I won't deny I was ambitious. When I had my... experience... I wanted to tell my story to as many people as possible. I'm the first to admit that process included making some compromises. You didn't answer my question. -I won't deny I was ambitious. When I had my... experience... I wanted to tell my story to as many people as possible. I'm the first to admit that process included making some compromises. You didn't answer my question. I thought it was well-written. Heart-felt. And a little bit naive... But that's just the enemy's perspective. -I thought it was well-written. Heart-felt. And a little bit naive... But that's just the enemy's perspective. I don't consider you the enemy, Ellie. I'm not 'out to get' technology. I only ask the question: Does it have to have all the answers? I look out there and I see so much emptiness... People are so starved for meaning, and it's something they just don't seem to be getting from science. -I don't consider you the enemy, Ellie. I'm not 'out to get' technology. I only ask the question: Does it have to have all the answers? I look out there and I see so much emptiness... People are so starved for meaning, and it's something they just don't seem to be getting from science. Did you ever stop to think that maybe that isn't science's fault, but meaning's? -Did you ever stop to think that maybe that isn't science's fault, but meaning's? I don't follow. -I don't follow. Maybe the reason people are having trouble finding meaning isn't because science has obscured it... maybe it's just revealed it isn't there. -Do you really believe your life is meaningless? I don't know. But as a scientist I have to consider that possibility. -I don't know. But as a scientist I have to consider that possibility. And yet you're willing to die for this cause, the one thing that's given your life a sense of purpose. Don't you see the contradiction here -- ? -And yet you're willing to die for this cause, the one thing that's given your life a sense of purpose. Don't you see the contradiction here -- ? It's getting late... -It's getting late... What are you so afraid of, Ellie? -Ellie -- It's late. We should go back. -... Another question I would ask would be a very simple one. How did you do it? How did you evolve as far as you have and not destroy yourselves? An excellent question, Doctor. But what if we don't like the answer? -An excellent question, Doctor. But what if we don't like the answer? How do you mean? -How do you mean? What if their answer is, 'Oh, that's easy. A thousand years ago our world was in terrible shape, our population out of control, violent crime, no food... so we called a general council and decided to eliminate the anit-social. The weak. The sick. The unwanted. And ever since we've been doing great.' -Ellie... the last time we spoke... I said some things... I remember. You were indelicate, indiscreet and entirely less than tactful... Sound like anyone you know? -So. The final countdown. The final countdown. -The final countdown. Oh. I brought you something. -During the crusades -- pilgrims who made the journey to the holy land brought back a palm frond to show they'd actually been there. I thought it sort of made sense that Earth is now your holy land, so... Thank you. -You're trembling. I do seem to be... Maybe because I'm just a little bit terrified about tomorrow. -I do seem to be... Maybe because I'm just a little bit terrified about tomorrow. Maybe that's okay. -What...? I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. What is it? -Ellie, what is it? I'm sorry -- I can't -- -I'm sorry -- I can't -- What? -What? I can't do this -- -I can't do this -- What are you so afraid of? -What are you so afraid of? Please, Palmer -- if you care for me at all, don't push this now -- -Please, Palmer -- if you care for me at all, don't push this now -- What are my other options? In fifty years? Never? -What are my other options? In fifty years? Never? Please -- -Please -- I'm in love with you, Ellie. -I'm in love with you, Ellie. Don't you understand? I just have to hold it together -- just until tomorrow -- -Don't you understand? I just have to hold it together -- just until tomorrow -- And then what? Then you'll be safe? -And then what? Then you'll be safe? -- I don't know -- --- I don't know -- Do you really think your life is meaningless, Eleanor? Is that why you're so quick to risk it -- because if your life means nothing then you have nothing to lose? -Do you really think your life is meaningless, Eleanor? Is that why you're so quick to risk it -- because if your life means nothing then you have nothing to lose? I can't hear this now -- -I can't hear this now -- Ellie, there is no reason you have to be alone. -Ellie, there is no reason you have to be alone. And yet that's always how I seem to end up, isn't it? If you really do love me, Palmer, you'll leave. Now. Please. -Hi. Hi. -Hi. I'm assuming you read my deposition. -I'm assuming you read my deposition. It was quite a page turner. -It was quite a page turner. Pretty ironic, huh? I had to go all the way to the center of the galaxy... Just to find you. -So. I'm assuming they sent you here to administer last rites? I'm not sure it's come to that. -I'm not sure it's come to that. They don't believe me. -They don't believe me. I do. -I do. You're sure you want to? In the universe I saw we're not exactly the stars of the show. What happened to me makes us all seem pretty damn small. -You're sure you want to? In the universe I saw we're not exactly the stars of the show. What happened to me makes us all seem pretty damn small. It also makes God enormous. I think of the scope of your universe, Ellie... and it takes my breath away. As it will everyone else's. -It also makes God enormous. I think of the scope of your universe, Ellie... and it takes my breath away. As it will everyone else's. I don't have any proof, Palmer. -I don't have any proof, Palmer. Ellie, you're the proof. You tell them your story. Ultimately they'll have no choice but to believe you. -Ellie, you're the proof. You tell them your story. Ultimately they'll have no choice but to believe you. It's not enough, don't you understand? I know it happened -- but by every standard of science, by every standard I've lived my life by that fact is utterly beside the point. It may be true but it doesn't matter because I can't prove it's real. -It's not enough, don't you understand? I know it happened -- but by every standard of science, by every standard I've lived my life by that fact is utterly beside the point. It may be true but it doesn't matter because I can't prove it's real. Ellie, the only one holding you to that standard is you! The people want to hear your story, they need to hear it! -Ellie, the only one holding you to that standard is you! The people want to hear your story, they need to hear it! But -- -But -- Have you seen what's happening out there? The terror, the despair? The world is on fire, Ellie. People need something they can believe in, something worthy, and you can give it to them! -Have you seen what's happening out there? The terror, the despair? The world is on fire, Ellie. People need something they can believe in, something worthy, and you can give it to them! I want to, Palmer -- more than anything. But it has to be real. It has to be true. -I want to, Palmer -- more than anything. But it has to be real. It has to be true. Ellie... if you go out there like this -- if you admit to even the possibility that what you experienced didn't actually happen -- I'm afraid they really will crucify you. Please. For your own sake, for the sake of the world... tell them what you know to be the truth. Tell them it really happened. -... but it is a good question, and I suppose I'll always wonder about the answer: Why would they send me back without proof? Maybe what you experienced can't be reduced to images on a videotape. Maybe they still plan to grant your request, only in their own way, in their own time... Or maybe it's just like you said: ultimately their motives may be as incomprehensible as their technology. -Maybe what you experienced can't be reduced to images on a videotape. Maybe they still plan to grant your request, only in their own way, in their own time... Or maybe it's just like you said: ultimately their motives may be as incomprehensible as their technology. In other words, God works in mysterious ways... -In other words, God works in mysterious ways... In other words. -I don't know. If it was a god, it was searching for a greater one. It was still searching for meaning... Does that mean you think it doesn't exist? -Does that mean you think it doesn't exist? I'm not sure... Maybe it simply exists in the search for it. Maybe its something we have to make for ourselves. -I'm not sure... Maybe it simply exists in the search for it. Maybe its something we have to make for ourselves. Meaning... -Meaning... Something my dad -- they -- said. 'After all the suffering, after all the desolation of the void -- the one thing that makes the vastness tolerable is each other.' The one thing that makes it bearable is love. -You have a question, Dr. Arroway? I question the thinking behind sending the first ambassador to another civilization in armed -- basically announcing our intentions are hostile. -I question the thinking behind sending the first ambassador to another civilization in armed -- basically announcing our intentions are hostile. It's designed purely as a defensive device. Call it a reasonable precaution. -It's designed purely as a defensive device. Call it a reasonable precaution. Call it xenophobic paranoia. Don't you see the absolute absurdity of this? This isn't about them, it's about us -- our violence, our fear and mistrust -- -Call it xenophobic paranoia. Don't you see the absolute absurdity of this? This isn't about them, it's about us -- our violence, our fear and mistrust -- Dr. Arroway, you are entitled to your opinion. But we feel quite strongly that it would by both irresponsible and naive to send a human being into a completely unknown, completely uncontrollable situation absolutely defenseless. -Dr. Arroway, you are entitled to your opinion. But we feel quite strongly that it would by both irresponsible and naive to send a human being into a completely unknown, completely uncontrollable situation absolutely defenseless. Y'know what? Fine. I guess if we want them to know the truth about who we are there's no quicker way to show them. -You kill me, you really do. The first truly global, a-political event in history and you can't wait to spin it. How would you propose we handle it, Doctor? -How would you propose we handle it, Doctor? I guess I'd say I trust us enough to believe our response would be something to the effect of, thanks for the advice, but no thanks. But to dilute or censor the truth, for whatever reason -- -I guess I'd say I trust us enough to believe our response would be something to the effect of, thanks for the advice, but no thanks. But to dilute or censor the truth, for whatever reason -- Nobody is proposing we censor the truth here, Doctor. We're simply talking about putting a mechanism in place -- -Nobody is proposing we censor the truth here, Doctor. We're simply talking about putting a mechanism in place -- For managing the truth. But the truth won't be managed, sir. It stops being the truth the moment you try. -Oh my God... What is it? -Well. That would seem to decide it. Like it or not, for the moment, anyway, it looks like we're all in this together. But -- -But -- That's it, Mike. Last time I checked, I was still running the country. Although it seems that for the moment, Dr. Arroway is running the planet. -... as have all attempts at internal analysis. We've tried sonargrams, magnetic resonance, gamma rays; it's completely impenetrable. Recommendations? -Recommendations? I don't know. Maybe we built the damn thing wrong. Maybe it was all a hoax... The safest thing would probably be to do a Chernobyl; encase it in concrete. -I don't know. Maybe we built the damn thing wrong. Maybe it was all a hoax... The safest thing would probably be to do a Chernobyl; encase it in concrete. Have your department make a full report. -Boss, I made an arrangement with that man to take his broom. Git your shovel and git to work. -Git your shovel and git to work. I don't think you understand. We made a deal --- -I don't think you understand. We made a deal --- Git movin', I said. -Git movin', I said. But I made this arrangement -- -But I made this arrangement -- Cut that backsass! -You don't take another man's place, boy. It wasn't his fault. Nobody said anything about seats. We -- -I'm lucky I got a broom. Work up top. Real easy job. Man, it's gonna be hot down in that ditch. We work down in the ditch? -Fifty cents? Sweet job like that worth at least a buck. I'll make it a dollar. -I'll make it a dollar. Buck is a deal. -Buck is a deal. I've got this weak heart. Too much drinking, I guess. As soon as they find out about it, they'll probably send me someplace else. -Hot damn, Drag. Tomorrow's Saturday. Another week almost made. I got two years. -How'd you find me? Helen, she sent along your things with a note, and John here, he wrote to the police. -Helen, she sent along your things with a note, and John here, he wrote to the police. Yeah. Well. Gettin' up here, Boss. -Well, Arletta, I got to stand down here. I allus hoped to see you well fixed and have me a crop of grandkids to kiss and fuss around with. -I allus hoped to see you well fixed and have me a crop of grandkids to kiss and fuss around with. Like to oblige you, Arletta, but right off I don't know where to put my hands on 'em. -Like to oblige you, Arletta, but right off I don't know where to put my hands on 'em. Sometimes I wisht people was like dogs, Luke. Comes a time, a day like, when the bitch just don't recognize her pups no more, so she don't have no hopes nor love to bring her pain. She just don't give a damn. They let you smoke? -Sometimes I wisht people was like dogs, Luke. Comes a time, a day like, when the bitch just don't recognize her pups no more, so she don't have no hopes nor love to bring her pain. She just don't give a damn. They let you smoke? Smokin' it up here, Boss. -Yeah, well, Arletta, you done your best. What I done with myself is my problem. No it hain't, Luke. You ain't alone. Ever whar you go, I'm with you, and so's John. -No it hain't, Luke. You ain't alone. Ever whar you go, I'm with you, and so's John. You never thought that's a heavy load? -You never thought that's a heavy load? We allus thought you was strong enough to carry it. Was we wrong? -No. But things ain't always like they seem, Arletta. You know that. A man's gotta go his own way. Well, I don't know, I just wash my hands of it, I guess I just got to love you and let go. -Yeah. What are you doin' here? -What are you doin' here? We call it abuildin' time, Arletta. -We call it abuildin' time, Arletta. I ain't askin' what you'll do after you get out, because I'm gonna be dead and it don't matter. -You never wanted to live forever anyways, did you? It wasn't such a hell of a life. Oh, I had me some high old times. Yore old man, Luke, wasn't much for stickin' around, but damn it he made me laugh. -Oh, I had me some high old times. Yore old man, Luke, wasn't much for stickin' around, but damn it he made me laugh. Yeah, would of been nice to of knowed him, the way you talk about him. -You think life is some kind of ocean voyage and you start out with buntin' and hollerin' and high hopes, but the damn ship goes down before you ever reach the other side. Luke? Here, Mom. -Here, Mom. What went wrong? -What went wrong? Nothin'. Ever'thing's cool's can be. -Nothin'. Ever'thing's cool's can be. No. -No. Tried to live always just as free and aboveboard as you been, and well, they ain't that much elbow room. -You allus had good jobs, and that girl in Kentucky I taken a shine to her. She took off with that convertible feller... -She took off with that convertible feller... Well, why not? Idee of marryin' got you all choked up, trying to pretend you was respectable you was borin' the hell out of all of us. -Well, why not? Idee of marryin' got you all choked up, trying to pretend you was respectable you was borin' the hell out of all of us. Yeah. -Yeah. I'm leavin' the place to John. -I'm leavin' the place to John. That's good: he earned it. -That's good: he earned it. Nothin' to do with it. I ain't never give John the kind of feelin' I give you, so I'm payin' him off now. Don't feel you got to say anything. Way it is, sometimes, you just have a feelin' for a child or you don't, and with John I just didn't. -Nothin' to do with it. I ain't never give John the kind of feelin' I give you, so I'm payin' him off now. Don't feel you got to say anything. Way it is, sometimes, you just have a feelin' for a child or you don't, and with John I just didn't. Gotta go, Arletta. -Gotta go, Arletta. Laugh it up, kid. You'll make out. -Lookit her bounce. Oh lean over here, lady. Lean this way. -Gotta have kings. Sure he's got kings but you still gotta call him. -Go hard! Ram it in and break it off! -Tell us about it. You steal a car? -A salesman! Cool Hand Luke a salesman? He's probably a gigolo. -We saw the broads. Yeah. Did you have them both at once or -- -Comin' out here, Boss? Yeah. Come on out, Luke. -You was eyeballin', Luke. You can't gitcha mind on them weeds if yer eyeballin'... Boss, you don't need reasons to hit me. -Then how come it ain't done yet? I don't know, Boss. -I don't know, Boss. You don't know! -What's all this dirt in the yard? I... I... I... -Please! Please! Git to work! -Git to work! Don't hit me! Please, for God's sake, don't hit me. -You got your mind right, Luke? Yes, Boss. I got it right. -Yes, Boss. I got it right. Supposin' you was to backslide on us, Luke? Supposin' you was to backsass or try to run again... -Supposin' you was to backslide on us, Luke? Supposin' you was to backsass or try to run again... No, Boss! I won't. I won't. I got my mind right. I got it right, Boss. Please don't hit me no more. -Luke, you run again and we'll kill you. I know, I know. Just don't hit me. -Go git it, Luke. Yes sir, Boss Paul! -You cut that up fer lunch, Luke. Yes, Boss. -He ain't even got the sense to run from the road like everybody else. Blue'll git him, Boss. We'll git that bastid, Cool Hand Luke. -Captain says to wait 'til the Patrol gits here. She's on to him. You shoulda waited fer me to git her out -- loose like she is, he kin run her crazy. -She's on to him. You shoulda waited fer me to git her out -- loose like she is, he kin run her crazy. It ain't my fault you don't know how to handle your dogs. -It ain't my fault you don't know how to handle your dogs. How my suppose to handle a dog someone jus' let loose? -Here's the Patrol. She's got him! You hear that? -Here, Captain. Maliciously destroyin' municipal property while under the influence. What was that? -Maliciously destroyin' municipal property while under the influence. What was that? Cuttin' the heads off parkin' meters, Captain. -Cuttin' the heads off parkin' meters, Captain. Well, we ain't never had one of them. Where'd you think that was gonna get you? -Well, we ain't never had one of them. Where'd you think that was gonna get you? I guess you could say I wasn't thinkin', Captain. -I guess you could say I wasn't thinkin', Captain. Says here you done real good in the war: Silver Star, Bronze Star, couple Purple Hearts. Sergeant! Little time in stockades. Come out the same way you went in: Buck Private. -Says here you done real good in the war: Silver Star, Bronze Star, couple Purple Hearts. Sergeant! Little time in stockades. Come out the same way you went in: Buck Private. That's right, Captain. Just passin' the time. -That's right, Captain. Just passin' the time. Well, you got yourself some time now. Two years. Hell, that ain't much, we got coupla men here doin' twenty spots. We got one who's got all of it. We got all kinds and you gonna fit in real good. Course in case you git rabbit in your blood and decide to take off fer home, you git a bonus a some time and couple leg chains to keep you slowed down a little -- fer your own good. You'll learn the rules. It's all up to you. I can be a good guy or I can be one mean son-of-a-bitch, it's up to you. -You gonna get used to wearing them chains aftera while, Luke. But don't you never stop listenin' to them clinkin'. That's gonna remind you of what I been sayin'. Yeah, they sure do make a lot of cold, hard, noise, Captain. -In the Navy, we used to call guys -- Fasten your flap! All you Newmeats gonna have to shape up fast and hard on this gang. We got rules here an' in order to learn them, you gotta keep your ears open and your mouths shut. -You was to sell your job, maybe this Lucas War Hero would give you a price. I'll give you fifty cents. -Had it done in Singapore. Bunch of us drunk as coots -- Hey, Tattoo! -Hey, Tattoo! -- went down to see this old hag and she had needles the size of that cane. -Only two? Man, I already done eight. Nothin' to it. Just make the days and let the weeks and the years make themselves. I did three hitches in the Navy. It ain't bad. After a while, you get used to it and the time -- -That ain't nuthing compared to what we used to do in San Pedro. There was this ensign... Ah believe I smell me a blonde-haired lady. -You can't do that! You jes' watch us! -Borrowin' or payin' back? Borrowin'. -Borrowin'. Mister Cool Hand here is the soft heart in our Loan Department. Next! -You gotta mind your manners, you actin' like a hillbilly tramp. Tramp! Beautiful! -Newmeat looks like a poker player, Drag. Wouldn't surprise me none. Wicker Man says you got a hundred- twenny and some change in the Captain's safe and you got your five dollars pocket money... That'll buy you a whole fistfull of cards. You in or out? -She looks just like Mrs. Patricia Handy, a married woman... I useta fool with. Man, I kin sniff blondes from a hunnert yards and redheads from a mile and a half. Drag's been chain-ganging so long he's got a nose like a bloodhound. -Oh, man, did you see her? Did you see her? I got eyes, don't I? How my not gonna see something like that? -I'm dyin'. I'm dyin'! Look, she's got paint on her toenails! Oh Lord, whatever I done, don't strike me blind for 'nother couple minutes. Oh you Lucille! -Whatcha got? Pair'a nines. -Pair'a nines. I kin see that, brick head. I mean your hole card. -Uh-huh. And he ain't got nothing showing. Raise his head off. He's been betting his head from the gun. Gotta have kings. -He's been betting his head from the gun. Gotta have kings. So then you just call him. -So then you just call him. I call. -But there's still daylight left. 'Bout two hours left. -Jus' take it slow, buddy. What happened? How far did you get? -What happened? How far did you get? Shut up. Let him eat. Don't pay them no mind, boy. -He ain't eating beans fer lunch. He's eatin' steak and corn with butter and green beans and... -Looka that! Two of them. Oh my... I'm dyin'. I'm dyin'. -Lemme see it! Get away! -Oh lookit that brunette. Mah baby! We're diggin' and dyin' but our boy Luke is lovin' and flyin'. -Dragline, lemme look at the picture. What for? -Come on, Drag. Lemme take a look. It'd go to your coconut head. You'd start getting ideas. Maybe even pass right out. -A cold drink. A cold drink? You mean one cold drink? To feast yore starvin' fishy l'il eyes on The Picture? A true vision of Paradise itself? With two of the angels right there in plain sight a- friskin' round with mah boy? -A cold drink? You mean one cold drink? To feast yore starvin' fishy l'il eyes on The Picture? A true vision of Paradise itself? With two of the angels right there in plain sight a- friskin' round with mah boy? A cold drink? Okay? -A cold drink? Okay? Well --- okay. It's a deal. One cold drink, if'n you please. In advance. One chilly bottle right here in mah hot l'il hand... That goes for the rest of you mullet-heads, too. -That's my baby. He's gonna be awright. -Somebody say somethin'? I didn't say nothin', Boss. -I didn't say nothin', Boss. Well, whatta we got here? -Well, whatta we got here? A Lucas Jackson. -Oh we got our sources... Tearing the heads off... what was it... gumball machines? What kind of thing is that for a grown man? Well, you know. Small town, not much to do in the evenings. Mostly it was settling up old scores. -Whatta you so happy about? I just always did like truck rides. -Plumb busted out. Looks like the hard road finally got to Mister Lucas War Hero. Back at it in the mornin'. Just need a little nap... -Course not. He ain't in the box 'cause a the joke played on him. He's there 'cause he back sassed a Free Man. They got their rules and we ain't got nothing to do with that. Woulda probably happened to him sooner or later, to a complainer like him. He's gotta learn the rules same as anybody else. Yeah, those poor old guards need all the help they can get. -Yeah, those poor old guards need all the help they can get. You tryin' to say somethin'? -Slow down, man. They ain't passing out medals for slinging dirt. I thought you knew, boy... they sentenced me by the mile. -Man, this here Newmeat parking meter bandit thing what calls itself Luke don't know nuthin' 'bout nuthin'. But damn if he don't look like a fat old Dragline. -Maybe he's been chain-ganging too long. Long enough to see redhots come and redhots go. -Lucille? Where do you get that? That'sa Lucille, you mullet head! Any girl so innocent and built like that gotta be named Lucille. -That'sa Lucille, you mullet head! Any girl so innocent and built like that gotta be named Lucille. Innocent? -Shut your mouth 'bout my Lucille. Your Lucille? Man, you better put them glasses back on and take a look at yourself. -Your Lucille? Man, you better put them glasses back on and take a look at yourself. Boy. You jus' asking to be handled! -Whatta you mean, forget it? Stop beatin', man. You ain't doin' nobody no good. -I'm gonna kill you, you go on... That's what you're gonna have to do. -Nuthin'! A handfull of nuthin'! You stupid mullet-head. He beat you with nuthin'! Just like today when he kept coming back at me. Nuthin' can be a pretty cool hand. -Nuthin' can be a pretty cool hand. Cool Hand Luke. -Hey, buddy. Take it easy. You're making me look bad. The man wants speed, let's give it to him. Ram it in and break it off. Go hard. Shag it. -They don't know iff'n to smile, spit or swallow. They ain't never seen a bull gang before. -Where'd the road go? That's it. That's the end. -Why'd you have to say fifty? Why not thirty-five or thirty-nine? Fifty's a nice round number. -Fifty's a nice round number. Damn, Luke. What's the matter with you? what's the matter with me? -Damn, Luke. What's the matter with you? what's the matter with me? Nothin' to worry about. We got a deadlock on that mullet. -What did I do? Stole and tole lies. I loved mah neighbor and his wife, but what did I do to deserve this lunatic to come in mah happy home and beat me outa hard earned bread. We got it locked in the sock. -We got it locked in the sock. Yeah, I know. But what we gotta do first is stretch that l'il ol' belly of yours -- git it all strained out, in fightin' shape, like a barrage balloon. -Yeah, I know. But what we gotta do first is stretch that l'il ol' belly of yours -- git it all strained out, in fightin' shape, like a barrage balloon. You ol' sack of guts. I had a belly like yours, we wouldn't have nothin' to worry about. -You ol' sack of guts. I had a belly like yours, we wouldn't have nothin' to worry about. 'Atsa sign I got me an affectionate nature. -'Atsa sign I got me an affectionate nature. Like an elephant. -Like an elephant. Us elephants may be a lil slow, like in makin' love, but you give us a coupla three days to really get with it an' man -- stand back! -Look at Him go. Bam! Bam! Knock it off, Luke! You cain't talk about Him that way. -Sure do... that's why we didn't bet with the Navy. Oh, that's mah darlin' Luke. Grins like a baby and bites like a 'gator. -Don't hit me no more, Boss! Don't hit me! I'll do anythin' you say but just don't hit me! Oh Luke. You are an original, you truly are. You really fooled them. Foolin', Hell! I would have eaten that dirt for them. They coulda used my head for a shovel and a my face for a broom... They just never did get a piece of my mind. -Foolin', Hell! I would have eaten that dirt for them. They coulda used my head for a shovel and a my face for a broom... They just never did get a piece of my mind. And all the time you was plannin' on runnin' again. -Whoee, it's cold. Wisht I had somethin' to eat. Bread, grits, beans even. Soon's we get to my house, we're gonna have us one big meal and then I'm gonna show you some farm girls that... We ain't goin' nowhere. -We ain't goin' nowhere. What you talkin' about, Luke? We're together, you and me, just like always. Now the thing we gotta work out is how to get Koko outa there and then the Terrible Trio be all complete again. Man, this old Free World ain't gonna know which ear to stand on. -What you talkin' about, Luke? We're together, you and me, just like always. Now the thing we gotta work out is how to get Koko outa there and then the Terrible Trio be all complete again. Man, this old Free World ain't gonna know which ear to stand on. Yeah, well, you and Koko kin handle it without me. -Yeah, well, you and Koko kin handle it without me. What you mean, Luke? -What you mean, Luke? I've done enough world-shakin' for a while. You do the rest for me. Send me a postcard about it. -But, Luke... Take it easy, Drag. -Take it easy, Drag. Luke. Where you goin? -Luke. Where you goin? On my own. -On my own. But what am I gonna do all by myself? Oh if'n I hadn't lost mah head. I only had two more years to go. But when I saw you tearin' down with that truck... But you right Luke. We oughta split up. Be safer for us both. -Is that your answer, Old Man? You're a hardcase too, ain't you? Luke, are you alright?... They got us, boy. They're out there thicker'n flies. Bosses and dogs and sheriffs and more guns than I ever seen in my life. We don't have a chance, Luke... They caught up with me right after we split up and they was aimin' to kill you, Luke. But I got 'em to promise if you give up peaceful, they wouldn't even whip you this time. -Luke, are you alright?... They got us, boy. They're out there thicker'n flies. Bosses and dogs and sheriffs and more guns than I ever seen in my life. We don't have a chance, Luke... They caught up with me right after we split up and they was aimin' to kill you, Luke. But I got 'em to promise if you give up peaceful, they wouldn't even whip you this time. Do we even get our same bunks back? -Do we even get our same bunks back? Why sure, Luke. I mean I didn't talk to them about that. But why not? They're reasonable, Luke. Hell, we only been gone a coupla hours. -Why sure, Luke. I mean I didn't talk to them about that. But why not? They're reasonable, Luke. Hell, we only been gone a coupla hours. You don't understand a thing, do you, Drag? -You don't understand a thing, do you, Drag? Luke, you got to listen to me. All you got to do is just give up nice and quiet, just play it cool. -Luke, you got to listen to me. All you got to do is just give up nice and quiet, just play it cool. Like I always do? -Like I always do? Thass right. Just play it... -Dragline gives out the names here. You'll get yours when he figures you out. Maybe we oughta call you No-Ears. You don't listen much, do you, boy? -Not a liar. You just have a common -- and likable -- tendency toward exaggeration. He's the champeen hog-gut of this camp. Hell, I seen him eat ten choc'lat bars and seven cold drinks in fifteen minutes. He kin eat busted bottles and rusty nails, any damn thing. If you'd so kindly oblige as to let me cut off your yankee head, he'd even eat that. -Nobody kin eat fifty eggs. You just said he could eat anything. -You just said he could eat anything. You ever eat fifty eggs? -Koko, write down their names, don't just make marks. One rule! No throwing up. He throws up, you forfeit everything. -One rule! No throwing up. He throws up, you forfeit everything. You ever see mah boy throw up? Shut your mouth and put up your money! -He peels the eggs himself. That's understood. You jus' may be great at hangin' paper around the big cities, but us country boys is not entirely brainless. When it comes to the law, nothin' is understood. -Thirty-nine... forty... forty-one... forty-two... Come on, boy, come on, darlin'. You kin do her. Just let that ol' belly sag and enjoy itself. Stay loose, buddy. Eight more, between you and everlasting glory. Little ol' eggs, pigeon eggs, that's all, fish eggs practically. -All right now: get mad at them eggs. Eat it there boy! Bite it! Gnaw on it! Forty-five. -What's the writing say? Dear Boys. Playing it cool. Wish you were here. Love, Cool Hand Luke. -Dear Boys. Playing it cool. Wish you were here. Love, Cool Hand Luke. Oh my. Oh my... Give it back here! -That ole box collapse and fall apart before Luke calls quits. Your Luke's got more guts than brains. -Oh Lord! That fool. That damn fool. -That fool. That damn fool. Oh mah baby Luke. -A bunch. Must be halfa dozen Newmeat. No more than five. For a cold drink. -No more than five. For a cold drink. Bet! Babalugats, bet here! -Man! It's gonna be one hot muther today. Bears gonna be walkin' the road today. -Man, it's so hot. Gettin' up, Carr. -Ana paira ninas. Koko's the brains. Cuter. -I'm in. Ace calls. Here we go. King-five gets a tray for no help. Paira ninas gets a Jack. Ana man with the ace gets... slop in the face... Ninas up. -Ace calls. Here we go. King-five gets a tray for no help. Paira ninas gets a Jack. Ana man with the ace gets... slop in the face... Ninas up. Cuter again. -Cuter again. Call. -I gotta believe. Out! Now they're rollin'. King-five-four gets an eight. Pair'a nines with a Jack gets a four. Ninas still up. Cuter. -Man, you play like a kokonut. You got to call him at least. I know he's got a paira kings. He don't have to stick 'em in my ear. -Oh no, man! Not on this hot muther. All the bears gonna be walking today. -Man Oh Man. That is one mean lady. Bet her husband spends one day a week shooting milkmen. -Kick a buck. Damn. -Back a buck. Kick a buck. -Yeah, found one in this supermarket, keys in the ignition. Well, how far didya get? -Well, how far didya get? Fat mile'n a half. Hit this red light, highway patrol pulls up alongside. -Picture's a phoney... Cost me a week's pay. A phoney? Whatta you mean, a phoney? -But -- but -- That's all there was. Listen. Open your eyes. Stop beatin' it. And stop feedin' off me. Now get out of the way. Give me some air. -Koko, why don't you let one of these Newmeats take your broom for today? Hell, no. I ain't goin' down in the ditch. -You can't switch 'round jobs, anyway. I figured he knew that. You can't expect him to learn everything the first day. Hopefully it's taught him a very valuable lesson. -You think you've been working hard. This muther'll break your back. This is a big day for the guards. They get to remind us who's boss. -One, two, three... He's gonna lose a finger eating eggs like that. -Stop that. How about you tryin' to make me? -How about you tryin' to make me? Oh for... -He'll never make it. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? He doesn't know when to give in. They'll kill him. -He doesn't know when to give in. They'll kill him. Give in? That's our Luke out there. -I don't see no sign of guts in you. No. No chains either. -No. No chains either. You ain't man enough to wear them! -You ain't man enough to wear them! But you're dog enough. Maybe they'll let you sleep outside the box near your master. -But you're dog enough. Maybe they'll let you sleep outside the box near your master. Big deal paper hanger! Hell, anyone who can write can pass fifty-sixty dollar checks. Like breakin' open a piggy bank. -Big deal paper hanger! Hell, anyone who can write can pass fifty-sixty dollar checks. Like breakin' open a piggy bank. You've been having bad luck with masters, haven't you? Your last one left you when the cops came... and now Luke. You should complain to the S.P.C.A. -You've been having bad luck with masters, haven't you? Your last one left you when the cops came... and now Luke. You should complain to the S.P.C.A. You phony creep! -Excuse me, but would you mind explaining why you're watching the lady upstairs? None of your fucking business. -I hate this... Only kidding! -Now look what you did. What did I do? -What did I do? You threatened to drive her downtown. She has agoraphobia. -You threatened to drive her downtown. She has agoraphobia. Fear of what... -Fear of what... Open space. She hasn't been out of this apartment in three years. I didn't used to think it was real... -It's good medicine. A little homeopathic cure for the willies. -Where were you? Don't tell me. It's just under seventy, right? The sun is strong but the air is dry and fresh... Would you please get your hands off my face, Tallulah? What happened to the newspaper? -I got it myself... I couldn't wait. Well! Aren't we the daring one? What's morbid and ghastly enough in the news to make Doctor Helen set foot outside her door? The antenna is gone off her car again. I had no music, all the way to the market. Let me find a garage for it? -I've told you: I can't afford to garage it. Are you kidding? You buy enough gourmet junk every week... most of which rots... to garage a fleet of stretch limos. -Are you kidding? You buy enough gourmet junk every week... most of which rots... to garage a fleet of stretch limos. "I had the dream again. And I got another call. This time he spoke. He said ""You and me, you and me.""" -"I had the dream again. And I got another call. This time he spoke. He said ""You and me, you and me.""" A little heavy breathing is what most of us yearn for. Forget it. -A little heavy breathing is what most of us yearn for. Forget it. He whispered, but it was him! I know it was him! -He can't phone you unless the warden gets an okay from you. Did you give him an approval? Andy? When a three-year-old says there's a monster under the bed, you don't say 'forget it'. You look under the bad. I'm three years old. Call the prison. -Oh God. I'm really crazy. When was the last time you washed your hair? -When was the last time you washed your hair? Monsieur Andy, disapproves of my coiffure? -Monsieur Andy, disapproves of my coiffure? Monsieur Andy can smell your coiffure. And guess what else? -Cellulite. What do you say I blindfold you and take you to the gym. Aerobics with housewives... Andy? -You parked right behind him. The one I noticed earlier. I didn't say anything, I thought he'd leave. Just take a look. Oh my God! Help! HE'S READING A NEWSPAPER! -Oh my God! Help! HE'S READING A NEWSPAPER! But earlier, he was staring up here. Please, Andy. -But earlier, he was staring up here. Please, Andy. Okay. You win. 'Dirty Harry' coming up. -Oh, God. I must have looked horrible. No, dear. You're at your best with a bag in front of your face. -No, dear. You're at your best with a bag in front of your face. I want to die. -I want to die. I wouldn't. He'll be back. If you want him. The cute brutal type with handcuffs. Very sexy. -What? What'd I do? Reminded me that I used to be attractive. That men used to want me... -Reminded me that I used to be attractive. That men used to want me... You slut! No sexy young cop for you unless you shampoo your hair. -When are you going to call them? About what? -I can't, Andy. Then, why don't you just die. I'm going. They'll find your body years later, the old recluse lady, she ate cat food, ten years of the New York Times, unread, piled on top of the unread mail, the TV still on. Make up your mind. Live or die. I'll get coffee. -None of you know anything about it. Now go. And Andy, if you persist in playing doctor, leave, with them. I'm the only friend you've got, darling, and I don't intend to stop doing what I think is good for us. -I'm the only friend you've got, darling, and I don't intend to stop doing what I think is good for us. Get out! All of you! -The moon is up, my night to howl. Will you be okay? Oh, God, I forget. Yes. Yes. You go. Poor thing, you ought to get out. -Oh, God, I forget. Yes. Yes. You go. Poor thing, you ought to get out. Look out for her. She's tougher than you think. -You're fired. I know. Do come and meet your guest. -Sorry, Luv. I've got a date. You've got a date right here, Andy. This has got to... -It's almost six. And guess what? Hall likes me bathed and shaved. Stop acting like a silly little fag! -You bastard! But alive! -Where have you been? What happened to your wallet? Hal has it. -Investigators Halloran and Goetz. I apologize for Goetz, he's a firehouse dog. I'm okay. I really kind of enjoyed it. -Are you staying long? Shall I shut the door? Make your coffee? Make the beds? You talked to me. Do you remember? -We'll get the paramedics... Oh, God, uniforms, more stress. Let her sleep. It's a self-limiting: she hyperventilates till she passes out, then her breathing goes back to normal, and she wakes up singing like a lark. We know, don't we, Princess? Give her a couple of hours. I know about this. -Tell her we're sorry we bothered her. Hey, no. Leave those here. If you really want her help. I mean if you really do, leave them. Let her see them. I'll see they're safe... -She just got to sleep. Do you have to tell her about it now? Tell her about what? -Tell her about what? Gaahhd! What a cop! You busted me! The new one, in the Marina. She has a police radio scanner. It's always on. She turns it off, and then she has to turn it on again. She's obsessed. She can't not listen to it, but she can't listen to it, so she makes me listen to it. -Yes. Without question. Without question? He only scored 40 percent, four out of ten criteria? Couldn't another expert say he flunked the sexual sadist test? What curve are you marking on, Doctor? -Without question? He only scored 40 percent, four out of ten criteria? Couldn't another expert say he flunked the sexual sadist test? What curve are you marking on, Doctor? The test criteria are only part of what we look at in evaluating subjects. -The test criteria are only part of what we look at in evaluating subjects. Only part. What else? What did you think of his claim that he tied this girl to the tree and set fire to her because Joan of Arc told him to do it. -Only part. What else? What did you think of his claim that he tied this girl to the tree and set fire to her because Joan of Arc told him to do it. He was lying. -He was lying. 'Lying. He was lying.' I asked you what you thought, not what he did. -'Lying. He was lying.' I asked you what you thought, not what he did. I thought he was lying. -I thought he was lying. You said, first, he was lying. How do you know that, Doctor? -You said, first, he was lying. How do you know that, Doctor? Because people who are suffering from aural hallucinations hear voices in both ears. Daryll Lee told me that Joan of Arc always appeared beside him on his left side and spoke softly in his left ear. -He took pains to hide his actions because he knew they were morally wrong. He was not acting on mad impulse. He was sane and acting out a pattern he carefully followed every time. What pattern was that? -What pattern was that? The same as the first time... -The first two murders. What first two murders. We don't know about them here, do we? -What first two murders. We don't know about them here, do we? He told me he had done two others just like it. -He told me he had done two others just like it. When was that? -When was that? When he was seventeen. -When he was seventeen. And you believed him when he told you he had done that. -And you believed him when he told you he had done that. Yes. I believed him. -Who are you? Inspector Halloran. Homicide. You were supposed to contact a Peter Kurten? -Inspector Halloran. Homicide. You were supposed to contact a Peter Kurten? I was? How you spell that? -I was? How you spell that? Cut the crap. You got a sheet the length of my arm... -Cut the crap. You got a sheet the length of my arm... I never hurt nobody... -I never hurt nobody... Shut up -- I'm talking. You got felony breaking and entering, burglary, felonious... -Shut up -- I'm talking. You got felony breaking and entering, burglary, felonious... I never carried a gun! -You don't listen very good. This break in -- I can call it a felony -- three strikes, and you got about sixteen strikes already, and you're in jail for the rest of your life, no parole. Or I could see it gets forgotten. You get me out first. -You get me out first. Doesn't work that way. You had your chance, now fuck yourself... -Tell me what you want me to say. Anything. You were going to make a delivery to Peter Kurten for Daryll Lee Cullum. I want Kurten's phone number. -You were going to make a delivery to Peter Kurten for Daryll Lee Cullum. I want Kurten's phone number. I don't have it... -Wait... wait... I already called him, I threw it away. You already made the delivery? -You already made the delivery? No, that's still in my jacket I was wearing. We were supposed to meet on the docks, that number 47 wharf, 10 o'clock Friday. He's gonna hand me 500 bucks. -No, that's still in my jacket I was wearing. We were supposed to meet on the docks, that number 47 wharf, 10 o'clock Friday. He's gonna hand me 500 bucks. What Friday? -What Friday? What day is this? In jail you lose track. This week. Friday. -Then you get your ass outta here, I don't wanta see you again... I brought a present for the lady, there. I'm looking for her, to give her the present... -I brought a present for the lady, there. I'm looking for her, to give her the present... You break into her apartment to deliver a gift? Where is it? -You break into her apartment to deliver a gift? Where is it? The door was open, swear to God, I'm just looking for her when you come charging up the stairs... -The door was open, swear to God, I'm just looking for her when you come charging up the stairs... Where is it? -Where is it? I'm trying to tell you. It's on the lady's pillow... -Daryll Lee Cullum, he wrote that book, he wanted the lady to have it. They won't let him send it to her, so I'm getting out, he asks me to deliver it in person, he says, put it on her pillow. It has all about how he tried to kill her. He told you she was loaded, any- thing you could steal you could keep, Conrad? You bought yourself a return ticket to Quentin, breaking and entering. -He told you she was loaded, any- thing you could steal you could keep, Conrad? You bought yourself a return ticket to Quentin, breaking and entering. The door was already open... -The door was already open... We know... Send the book to evidence... -We know... Send the book to evidence... She's supposed to have it. -She's supposed to have it. She don't want it. -Hello, Daryll Lee. You read my book which as you know, hit the stands a couple of weeks ago. You read it yet. -You read my book which as you know, hit the stands a couple of weeks ago. You read it yet. What book? -What book? I sent it by private courier, he didn't give it to you? That son of a gun...! -I'll look for it, Daryll Lee. Bet you never figured I'd follow in your footsteps. It's real well- written. You should read it -- you're in it. -Bet you never figured I'd follow in your footsteps. It's real well- written. You should read it -- you're in it. I will. I'll call you, Daryll, and talk to you about it after I've read it. Right now I have a question... Peter Kurten. -I will. I'll call you, Daryll, and talk to you about it after I've read it. Right now I have a question... Peter Kurten. Kurten! Is he bothering you? I told that son I'd send him what he wanted if he leave you alone. -Kurten! Is he bothering you? I told that son I'd send him what he wanted if he leave you alone. Ah ha. What did he want? -Ah ha. What did he want? Something personal. Is he bothering you? -Something personal. Is he bothering you? I don't know. I'd like to know where he is. -I don't know. I'd like to know where he is. Listen, you want my advice? Steer clear. He's writing me he's gonna finish 'my unfinished symphony.' He's gonna give me $550 for some of my cum, he says he's in a position to see that I will be immortal if he has some of my spunk. I'm offended. Right away I smell freak. Writin' about him and me and you bein' joined and he's gonna finish my symphony? I didn't care for his drift. I sent some liquid soap in a sandwich baggie with a message from Jesus to mend his ways. You hear I found Jesus? And what's funny is, now I don't mind bein' inside. If I was out, even Born Again, I'd probably get restless again. It's maybe better I stay here, what do you think? -Listen, you want my advice? Steer clear. He's writing me he's gonna finish 'my unfinished symphony.' He's gonna give me $550 for some of my cum, he says he's in a position to see that I will be immortal if he has some of my spunk. I'm offended. Right away I smell freak. Writin' about him and me and you bein' joined and he's gonna finish my symphony? I didn't care for his drift. I sent some liquid soap in a sandwich baggie with a message from Jesus to mend his ways. You hear I found Jesus? And what's funny is, now I don't mind bein' inside. If I was out, even Born Again, I'd probably get restless again. It's maybe better I stay here, what do you think? I think whatever is best for you, Daryll. And maybe you're right, that's the place. -I think whatever is best for you, Daryll. And maybe you're right, that's the place. You come and visit. -You come and visit. Where did you send the message to Peter Kurten? -Where did you send the message to Peter Kurten? Damn! I gave that to Conrad, too! That guy! I told Conrad deliver to Kurten and keep the 500 bucks in return for getting my book to you. -How was Conrad supposed to find Kurten? Conrad has the phone number. Conrad, where is he? -Conrad has the phone number. Conrad, where is he? In jail. -In jail. That Klutz. They send him back here, I'll kick his ass good. -Hi. It's your worst student, Peter Foley -- how do you grade me now, Doctor? Who was the man in the basement? -Who was the man in the basement? You like that action? Didn't that cop on TV look solemn? The guy in the basement doesn't matter, anyway, just another lonely heart. -You like that action? Didn't that cop on TV look solemn? The guy in the basement doesn't matter, anyway, just another lonely heart. Where are you, Peter? -Where are you, Peter? You thought I was going to do Ted Bundy next, so you sent your partner... -What was that? What am I hearing? The sound of an epiphany, a sudden blinding insight? It's Daryll Lee Cullum, isn't it? -It's Daryll Lee Cullum, isn't it? Mm-hmm. I can't get to you. You have to come to me. -Mm-hmm. I can't get to you. You have to come to me. You know I can't do that. -You know I can't do that. Oh, I think you will. -For God's sake Peter, leave her out of it. You don't want her, you want me. I need her; she's a cop. I have to kill a cop, and then... -I need her; she's a cop. I have to kill a cop, and then... You've been perfect. Don't spoil the symmetry -- you have to have a male cop. -You've been perfect. Don't spoil the symmetry -- you have to have a male cop. I don't care -- she's a cop. That's the important thing. Cop-ness, not sex-ness. It won't be perfect, but it'll be good. -Yes. I do. I want it to end now. Let her go. I'll come -- just let her go. She's not important. You know where. -You know where. Where it began -- McCluskey Auditorium. -Kill me, Peter, do it, now. No. Not yet. -No. Not yet. Do it. If that's what all this carnage is about, then do it. Have enough guts to do it. -Do it. If that's what all this carnage is about, then do it. Have enough guts to do it. Don't talk to me about courage. I know death, what it's like to kill. You're not a killer -- you watched Daryll Lee kill that cop and you didn't make a peep, because you were paralyzed with fear. You chocked. I know something else about you. -We'll keep talking. Until they get here. Then... I have no life anymore. I ruined your life, make me pay for it. -I have no life anymore. I ruined your life, make me pay for it. Why did you do that? Didn't you have any idea how hard it was for me, to get that far? I worshipped you. You inspired me. I thought you could understand me the way you understood the others. I knew that about you -- the ones you admired were the great murderers; they fascinated you. -Why did you do that? Didn't you have any idea how hard it was for me, to get that far? I worshipped you. You inspired me. I thought you could understand me the way you understood the others. I knew that about you -- the ones you admired were the great murderers; they fascinated you. That's not who I admire -- I admire people who are good at what they do, great artists, writers, thinkers... -That's not who I admire -- I admire people who are good at what they do, great artists, writers, thinkers... I don't have the talent for any of those things. All I have a talent for is death. And I am one of a kind. What do you think of your student now? I have made you famous, I am your creation and your monument. -"Oh, please. I know what's coming, now. ""Let me help you...""" Do anything you want to me. I give myself to you. Only put the knife down. Isn't this what you always wanted? I know it's what we all want, to love and to loved. I could love you. You could work together in some safe place, learn to really understand you, help you, give you some peace of mind, some happiness... -Do anything you want to me. I give myself to you. Only put the knife down. Isn't this what you always wanted? I know it's what we all want, to love and to loved. I could love you. You could work together in some safe place, learn to really understand you, help you, give you some peace of mind, some happiness... Back in the driver's seat again, Doctor? That old dream -- study us to see what makes us sick. So you can find a cure -- they'd name it after you? Death is the only cure for people like me. -Who is this? Inspector Halloran, Homicide. I'm in charge here. -No, ma'am. This is no joke. And neither is tying up telephone lines to police with crank calls while people in trouble are trying to get through for help. You're calling me a crank? -You're calling me a crank? Do you have any evidence to report, ma'am? Do you know any of the victims... -Do you have any evidence to report, ma'am? Do you know any of the victims... I think this is number three... -I think this is number three... That's an opinion, not evidence... -Ring the gong, he goes. Poor impulse control. Is he out? -Is he out? Who? -Who? If he's not out, why are they here? -If he's not out, why are they here? Because of your phone calls. -Because of your phone calls. What calls? I haven't made any calls. -I want to tell you it's a great honor to meet you and talk to you. You don't admire me. No police admire me. I got one of you killed. Why don't you say right out what you're here for? -You don't admire me. No police admire me. I got one of you killed. Why don't you say right out what you're here for? You called us, Doctor Hudson. -You called us, Doctor Hudson. Yes, I did. Poor impulse control. The accounts of the firs two murders made it so clear they were the work of the same man, but you kept announcing they were unrelated. You'll never catch him that way. -Sugar and cream for Goetz; I take mine black. You're absolutely correct. The politicians don't want panic headlines spoiling the Festival of Love. Well, let's thank God you and Inspector Goetz are on the case, then. -Well, let's thank God you and Inspector Goetz are on the case, then. Would you want to work with us on this? -Would you want to work with us on this? Oh, my God, no! I'm a clinical hysteric, with panic syndrome, and anxiety neurosis, agoraphobic, I'm afraid of everything, real and imaginary. I never leave this apartment now. Nobody ever comes here. I just wanted to get your attention. I write and I used to lecture on these crimes, but... I'm not competent. -Oh, my God, no! I'm a clinical hysteric, with panic syndrome, and anxiety neurosis, agoraphobic, I'm afraid of everything, real and imaginary. I never leave this apartment now. Nobody ever comes here. I just wanted to get your attention. I write and I used to lecture on these crimes, but... I'm not competent. I think you are. I really admire everything you've done; it would be an honor to work with you, and we need all the help we can get, especially yours. -I think you are. I really admire everything you've done; it would be an honor to work with you, and we need all the help we can get, especially yours. Inspector Halloran, that is so much bullshit, you don't like or admire me, but the beautiful part is I don't give a fuck. That's the upside of having a breakdown. -Inspector Halloran, that is so much bullshit, you don't like or admire me, but the beautiful part is I don't give a fuck. That's the upside of having a breakdown. Well, it's a hell of an apartment you got here. I'm living one step away from the projects, myself, but I get to go to work every day, wading in blood and guts. I guess the books you wrote about these sons of bitches paid off pretty good. -Well, it's a hell of an apartment you got here. I'm living one step away from the projects, myself, but I get to go to work every day, wading in blood and guts. I guess the books you wrote about these sons of bitches paid off pretty good. Will you go. Andy, make them go. -Will you go. Andy, make them go. You can't go out lecturing? Tough shit. Women are dying. Where can I lay this stuff out? -Is it an ongoing case? For months... last October. -For months... last October. It was a lover or a husband. Someone close. Somebody who knew her and cared about her. -It was a lover or a husband. Someone close. Somebody who knew her and cared about her. How do you know that? -How do you know that? He felt remorse. He covered her. -The bodies have been carefully arranged... different positions, but somehow the same. The positions are brutal... yet quite... artful. It's like... a signature. He's proud of his accomplishments. There are early Picassos and late Picassos, but you always recognize the hand. He wants us to recognize his hand. I've seen this hand before... what are you hiding? Nothing. -Nothing. Where are the stockings he strangled them with? -Where are the stockings he strangled them with? How did you know they were stockings? -How did you know they were stockings? I sent Andy out on murder missions. For God's sake -- it's the Boston Strangler, Alber deSalvo. He used their own stockings to strangle them. Tied in a bow-knot. -Why imitate a dead serial killer? If you knew why, you might know where to look for him. I don't envy you this; he's not done -- he's going to do them faster and faster to keep the adrenaline rush. Now, I've done what you asked me. -If you knew why, you might know where to look for him. I don't envy you this; he's not done -- he's going to do them faster and faster to keep the adrenaline rush. Now, I've done what you asked me. Work with me. -How do you know that? Look at the bottom of the screen. You see the icon with the arrow pointing left? Click on that... twice. -Can you make a copy we can show on our computers? It's too big a file to copy to a disk. -I'm going to put a guard on your door. One officer already got killed trying to protect me. Please, just take it all away. Leave me alone. -One officer already got killed trying to protect me. Please, just take it all away. Leave me alone. He won't. -We'll show that to... Show what? It's gone. He wrote a self destruct virus into the code, so it would only play until we try to copy it. Then it erased itself. Gone... Do you remember what you saw? -I am not going to look at any more pictures. They're like a disease. They get into my head. I can't get them out. I don't look at pictures. I look at the real thing. I don't feel infected. -I don't look at pictures. I look at the real thing. I don't feel infected. Maybe that's why you can't catch him. I know what she looks like -- the red-headed woman in my computer. -Maybe that's why you can't catch him. I know what she looks like -- the red-headed woman in my computer. I just came from her... here's what you haven't seen. -She probably let him in the door without a thought. Where are their mothers?! Where are the mothers that are supposed to teach them to be wary and to tough and not afraid to fight? Look at the sign. 'Hell'? In the Festival of Love? You make any sense in that? -It's anybody connected to author- ity. They write, they even knock on your door. They're fans. It thrills them to flirt with getting caught. Nobody knows you have anything to do with this case; nothing has been on TV or the news... Why would he want to get in your computer? -Nobody knows you have anything to do with this case; nothing has been on TV or the news... Why would he want to get in your computer? Because I'm his damned pin-up girl! His, all of them! They know me. They're in prisons with libraries, they collect clippings, I'm their worthy opponent. You keep my name out of this. -That's amazing. A whole new book, thought up in a minute. Very good. All I know how t do is get up, take a shower, and go to work. Hope, if he does another I'll nail the son of bitch, and they'll spell my name right in the newspaper. Where is Andy going? He's going home. He slept over because I was a little anxious... -He's going home. He slept over because I was a little anxious... I want a guard on you. I'm worried about leaving you alone. -We've got another one. That's no surprise. -That's no surprise. But it's a different m.o. -But it's a different m.o. Then what do you need me for? -Then what do you need me for? "She was killed somewhere else and dumped outdoors in an empty lot. Where it says ""no dumping."" Her legs pulled apart in a kind of sexual pose. It's all different but it seems so -- the same. Artificial and posed... Something's wrong with it." -"She was killed somewhere else and dumped outdoors in an empty lot. Where it says ""no dumping."" Her legs pulled apart in a kind of sexual pose. It's all different but it seems so -- the same. Artificial and posed... Something's wrong with it." You're saying it's the same man, but he's changed his style? That doesn't happen. These men are robotic; the murder is like a ritual. The method itself is part of the pleasure... -Who turned off the Internet computer... I turned it off. It's like an open window he can climb right in... -I turned it off. It's like an open window he can climb right in... He comes in the window, we maybe grab him. Where's the on-switch? -He comes in the window, we maybe grab him. Where's the on-switch? Have you got a warrant? Get the hell out o here! This is the only space I have left in the world! Why can't you leave me out of it? -Have you got a warrant? Get the hell out o here! This is the only space I have left in the world! Why can't you leave me out of it? Helen -- the killer directly contacted you. His interest in you is intense. I'm worried about you. I don't want to lose you. I know this stirs up every monster under the bed, but this is the only direct contact we have with him. The only chance we have to trap him. So, you can turn Internet back on, or I do, and we put somebody here on a 24 hour shift and you can kick, scream and hyperventilate. -Helen -- the killer directly contacted you. His interest in you is intense. I'm worried about you. I don't want to lose you. I know this stirs up every monster under the bed, but this is the only direct contact we have with him. The only chance we have to trap him. So, you can turn Internet back on, or I do, and we put somebody here on a 24 hour shift and you can kick, scream and hyperventilate. That little Winona Ryder manner... you're more convincing as Clint Eastwood. -That little Winona Ryder manner... you're more convincing as Clint Eastwood. Clint is putting a guard on you. But if you swear to leave the computer on, Winona will assign him to the hall outside. -Ruben. Hello, Ruben... So that's that... -Hello, Ruben... So that's that... Please thank Inspector Goetz for taking care of me last night. -There were needle marks. But no drugs in her blood. So far nothing they test for comes up positive. -Is that it? That's exactly... I could have taken that same picture, this morning. -That's not consistent... You said they never changed their style, they're robots... Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. Tell them to test for the chemicals found in Windex. That's a product for cleaning with... -Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. Tell them to test for the chemicals found in Windex. That's a product for cleaning with... I know Windex, for God's sake, I clean my own windows... -I know Windex, for God's sake, I clean my own windows... It's what Bianchi and Buono injected into one of their victims. -It's what Bianchi and Buono injected into one of their victims. Injected Windex! Why would he switch to a new m.o.? -Injected Windex! Why would he switch to a new m.o.? Ah, if you knew that, you'd be half way to nailing him. Serial killing is irrational and rigid and compulsive. This guy has a plan all thought out, flexible and complex. He's playing a game with us. Who will he imitate next? Maybe he's doing all the serial killers in history, the great innovators, the murderers' hall of fame. Just to prove he's better than all of them. They got caught; he didn't. -Ah, if you knew that, you'd be half way to nailing him. Serial killing is irrational and rigid and compulsive. This guy has a plan all thought out, flexible and complex. He's playing a game with us. Who will he imitate next? Maybe he's doing all the serial killers in history, the great innovators, the murderers' hall of fame. Just to prove he's better than all of them. They got caught; he didn't. He'll get caught. If he has a plan that'll be what trips him up... -He'll get caught. If he has a plan that'll be what trips him up... Who's going to catch him? You? And if you do, there'll be another one. And one after that. -Who's going to catch him? You? And if you do, there'll be another one. And one after that. You're afraid of him. -You're afraid of him. This one, yes. I was always curious about these twisted little souls, but this is the first one I've felt personally terrified of. He's something new and unheard of. I don't know what he wants. -This one, yes. I was always curious about these twisted little souls, but this is the first one I've felt personally terrified of. He's something new and unheard of. I don't know what he wants. I'm giving you Clint outside. -Halloran. You betrayed me! Now every psychopath in the city knows I'm back in business... You lied to me! -You betrayed me! Now every psychopath in the city knows I'm back in business... You lied to me! I did not; the Mouth -- that's what we call Susan Schiffer -- got it on her own. -I did not; the Mouth -- that's what we call Susan Schiffer -- got it on her own. Why should I trust you? -Why should I trust you? Because I'm all you've got. -Helen, hang up, let Ruben get on with his work... What's that music. It's Abba. I can hear it. It's Abba. -What's that siren? One of those goddamned car alarms. What's going... -One of those goddamned car alarms. What's going... Ruben's gone to look... It's banged up but it looks like a .44. It's Son of Sam. Is it Son of Sam? -Ruben's gone to look... It's banged up but it looks like a .44. It's Son of Sam. Is it Son of Sam? Look in the crowd. He liked to hang around and watch the cops at work... -They put Merry Saks on it?! He said to send you his regards and to tell you that the Bureau holds you in the highest esteem. -He said to send you his regards and to tell you that the Bureau holds you in the highest esteem. What I can't believe is that in an earlier life I slept with him! Christ! Any God that loved his people would give women a rewind on their life and an erase button. Just give me a minute here. The letter is addressed to me... You don't feel fear, do you? You're young. You feel like you'll live forever. How wonderful. -What I can't believe is that in an earlier life I slept with him! Christ! Any God that loved his people would give women a rewind on their life and an erase button. Just give me a minute here. The letter is addressed to me... You don't feel fear, do you? You're young. You feel like you'll live forever. How wonderful. I put my ass on the line, giving you that. -I put my ass on the line, giving you that. They weren't going to show it to me?! The arrogance! It's my life! -They weren't going to show it to me?! The arrogance! It's my life! It's also the major piece of evidence, and it makes you a key part of his plan. You can't run away from it anymore. Look at the order he's doing them... He did three as the Boston Strangler just to tell us a copycat serial killer was at work. Then he did one like the Hillside Strang- ler. And then one as Son of Sam. To lead us on -- to where and what end? And he's doing more than that -- he's imitating each killer's method as closely as he can -- in details. Injecting Windex. Using .44. Playing Abba. -It's also the major piece of evidence, and it makes you a key part of his plan. You can't run away from it anymore. Look at the order he's doing them... He did three as the Boston Strangler just to tell us a copycat serial killer was at work. Then he did one like the Hillside Strang- ler. And then one as Son of Sam. To lead us on -- to where and what end? And he's doing more than that -- he's imitating each killer's method as closely as he can -- in details. Injecting Windex. Using .44. Playing Abba. It's not chronological: Son of Sam was before Hillside. -'...great dark hall of fame... all our greatest killers...' His greatest heroes? He wants to be famous. When they're caught and people like me write about them, we give them a kind of immortality. They get thousands of letters. Ramirez kills eight women and gets a hundred marriage proposals a month. They're like film stars. They get fan letters... -Let's speed up the game plan... call all the living serials to ask if they've had contact with a Peter Kurten. We could use some help on the phones... "They're not talking to me. Saks looks right through me. I ask him for some bodies, for the phones -- he's so encouraging: ""you make that your little job."" Condescending bastard. Helen, on your lists to call is San Quentin. Daryll Lee Cullum?" -"They're not talking to me. Saks looks right through me. I ask him for some bodies, for the phones -- he's so encouraging: ""you make that your little job."" Condescending bastard. Helen, on your lists to call is San Quentin. Daryll Lee Cullum?" You do that one, I don't want it... -What happened to you?! Ruben's dead. So stupid, a cop thing, a crazy kid and a buncha dumb mistakes... I'm sorry... because you and he... -I just thought it was so -- unprofessional. Of you both! He felt sorry for me. It was so nice to flirt. He was a darling man. -He felt sorry for me. It was so nice to flirt. He was a darling man. A man? I thought he was a boy. This last Christmas was the happiest Christmas I had in the last ten years... you know why? It was the first Christmas in six years I was not in love. Son of a bitch married men! Who cares about marriage, the bed just gets crowded and noisy?! -A man? I thought he was a boy. This last Christmas was the happiest Christmas I had in the last ten years... you know why? It was the first Christmas in six years I was not in love. Son of a bitch married men! Who cares about marriage, the bed just gets crowded and noisy?! You're exhausted. Let me get you a brandy. -You're exhausted. Let me get you a brandy. Where's the john? Let me clean up this mess, and get back to work. -Who's the married man? What does it matter? This guy, you checked your course records, who signed up? -The University computer is down for maintenance, but I've been going through my own notes... Look. There's the order: you wrote it: DeSalvo, Bianchi & Buono, Berkowitz and Dahmer. It's going to be Dahmer next. Which means he'll kill a man. -Yes. Dahmer! And after that... Bundy. That's the last one in your speech... -Bundy. That's the last one in your speech... Maybe you should... -Maybe you should... I'm working on it! It's what I do. Quinn...Halloran. I'll wait. Where's Andy, can we get some coffee in here? -I'm working on it! It's what I do. Quinn...Halloran. I'll wait. Where's Andy, can we get some coffee in here? Out. Where does he go? Nowhere. What does he do? Nothing. -I am not going to talk about it. How do you know it was Andy if the head was gone? Where is the head? Are you looking for it? Oh, God, why him? Because of me. I can't talk about it. I write about things like this, stuff it all in books and bury it in libraries. This is the first person close to me who's ever died. And it's because of me. This monster killed him because I loved him. I've got to go. I've got to go. -How many do you need to sleep. Really sheep? W-We had a fight. I called him... called him a name... -W-We had a fight. I called him... called him a name... Christ, Helen. The first time, we're ahead of the son of a bitch! I can't leave you like this -- and there's no time. Knock yourself out. -Helen. I saw him die. I saw him burning on the basement stairs, he never reached the top. They never kill themselves. How do you know it was him. You never met him. You never even saw a photograph... -They never kill themselves. How do you know it was him. You never met him. You never even saw a photograph... Helen -- let go. You've got to let go. -Helen -- let go. You've got to let go. He hasn't done Bundy. He's done every one of the others, hasn't he? If there are three dead Chi Omega college girls tomorrow, how will you feel? Go there. See if there could be any way for him to escape. -He hasn't done Bundy. He's done every one of the others, hasn't he? If there are three dead Chi Omega college girls tomorrow, how will you feel? Go there. See if there could be any way for him to escape. This has been the worst 48 hours of my life. I'm going home. I'm going to try to get drunk. -This has been the worst 48 hours of my life. I'm going home. I'm going to try to get drunk. If there's a one percent possibil- ity, can you live with yourself when he kills again? -If there's a one percent possibil- ity, can you live with yourself when he kills again? Oh, shut up, and don't be so damn self righteous. -Why can't I drive home? I will. You. Look at you. You need a ride home. And you don't even know it. Well, thanks. -You were the one that talked about moonbikes and called me a crank? Oh God, I am! Make them some coffee. Halloran, is it? Investigator Goetz? I had a crank call myself-- he said... I thought it might be Daryll Lee Cullum. I thought he might be out of prison. Daryll Lee Cullum? I don't think so. If he's escaped we'd have the National Guard, cops'd be crawling through sewers. You'd have a guard on your front door. -I don't want this. What are they? You called us, Doctor, if you don't want to look at them here, how about downtown. I'll drive you down... -Somebody is imitating his m.o. Look for a plumber or carpenter or handyman; that's how deSalvo got in the door and caught them off guard. The Boston Strangler, when was that...? -The Boston Strangler, when was that...? In the sixties. He's dead -- stabbed to death in prison. -That computer's wired into INTERNET. He's hacked into her Internet address. He's a hacker. -He's hacked into her Internet address. He's a hacker. He can get into my computer any time he likes! This is exactly the kind of thing I didn't want to have happen. -"It's a game they like to play. Berkowitz -- ""Son of Sam"" -- hung around the crime scene, talking to the cops. This one's probably watching you, laughing at you." Let me get a little action started here. -It's gone. The file's not here. What did you do? I just started it copying to tape, but the tape never ran. It just did that... -I just started it copying to tape, but the tape never ran. It just did that... He's brilliant. This one is brilliant. -I know 'Halloran.' What's the rest of it? MaryJane. We call her M.J. -MaryJane. We call her M.J. MaryJane. You think that logic and police procedure, order and science and method will hold back the horrors of a world gone mad and the sickness of the night. I did once. But you know how he'll get caught? He'll have an accident, or some cop will get lucky. You can't catch him by being intelligent and working hard. Or the worst: there are dozens of women slaughtered in the most horrible way, month after month. The news stories grow more grotesque and bizarre and in the city people lock their doors and windows, and hurry home before dark. And then, one day, there are no more. What happened? Did he just stop? Get tired and disgusted and decide not to kill any more? Did he kill himself? Did he die in an auto accident? Or a fight. Or get sick and die? It's like the murderer walked off the edge of the earth. And you never know. But you keep asking yourself -- when you read about a new murder -- is he back? -We're through for the night, aren't we? You go on. Get some sleep. I'll stay until we can get a man out here and maybe catch a cab home. That would be much appreciated. Thanks. -You and MaryJane aren't lovers. Not yet. -Are you always so bold? No. I'm shy and I'm selective. -The problem for me is... you're in the witness category. Know what I mean? Well. Another time, then. I'll be all right. He's not going to attack me; what I' m rally afraid of is all in my own head, Ruben. -Tell me what to do! I'm falling! I'm going to fall! -Don't let go... I can't breathe... I'll die! Shhh. It's okay. Just breathe. I'll fix it... -The lock... I'll get a locksmith. -I'll get a locksmith. Will you stay? Please? I'm afraid to sleep... I don't want...him...in my head... -It's a woman shot in a car? Yes. I have to go... -Yes. I have to go... She on the passenger side? -Don't hang up! What?... -What?... Listen to me. Is there a gas station nearby? -Yes. Is there a phone booth there? -Is there a phone booth there? They all have one... -They all have one... Go and look for a note. -Open the door. Please. Why don't you shoot off the lock? -He was in my apartment! I know, baby. I know. -You know how to use this? They taught me at the FBI. I was very good at it. It scared me... I liked it. -They taught me at the FBI. I was very good at it. It scared me... I liked it. You take it, hang on to it, it'll make you feel safer. Stay put. -You take it, hang on to it, it'll make you feel safer. Stay put. What else? -Ma'am, please get out of your vehicle... Merry, how... oh, Christ, of course, you had my phone tapped. -Merry, how... oh, Christ, of course, you had my phone tapped. Just get out of your vehicle... -Just get out of your vehicle... He's got Sergeant Halloran in there. He'll kill her the minute he sees or hears your people... -He's got Sergeant Halloran in there. He'll kill her the minute he sees or hears your people... You've been very useful, Doctor, we appreciate all you've done, and now the professional will take over... -You've been very useful, Doctor, we appreciate all you've done, and now the professional will take over... He wants me, he doesn't care about her. Let me... -"Hello. I am Meryhew Saks. The song is called ""Murder By Numbers."" The performers are a group called The Police. Adam here... ... from Behavioral Science is working out exactly what this perpetrator is trying to telegraph in the note. This is an extremely complex case, and we have a lot of fancy theories floating around. We're not ruling out the possib- ility of three Copycat serial killers. We have Quantico working on graphology, the Washington lap is cloning DNA from the secretor. It's our feeling that the best lead we have is the two sperm samples in one of the victims. We have a team sweeping sperm banks. Now I want to say a few word to you local people. Your Commissioner asked for our assistance. The Bureau does not send us in on these cases to lord it over the local police. We couldn't catch up on what you people know if we had a year. We have nation-wide resources and hard state of the art forensic science; you have the local savvy. Together we can be unbeatable. Which one is Inspector Halloran?" Over here. -We don't see too many lady homicide detectives. You have my respect. Have you discussed the note with Dr. Hudson? Someone broke into her place last night. It wasn't connected to our case, but it shook her up pretty bad so I haven't... -I was just about to advise the Inspector here not to show Dr. Hudson the note. Sir, Doctor Hudson and I see a pattern develop... -Sir, Doctor Hudson and I see a pattern develop... We know Helen. She's not exactly a credible collaborator. Especially late in the day... -We know Helen. She's not exactly a credible collaborator. Especially late in the day... She takes tranquilizers her doctor prescribes. -She takes tranquilizers her doctor prescribes. Who prescribes the brandy? -How come you're so up on Dr. Hudson? She is a writer, writing best selling books about serial killing. Giving lectures she's well-paid for. Her interests are not the interests of law enforcement. -She is a writer, writing best selling books about serial killing. Giving lectures she's well-paid for. Her interests are not the interests of law enforcement. Okay. -Okay. We've put a tap on Dr. Hudson's phone. I know you won't mention it. -I was. I'm over here? What's your name, Officer? -I'm over here? What's your name, Officer? Michael Johnson. -Michael Johnson. You touch anything, Mike? Pick up anything? Use the doorknob? I don't want to find your prints on anything later and you tell me you forgot to tell me. -You touch anything, Mike? Pick up anything? Use the doorknob? I don't want to find your prints on anything later and you tell me you forgot to tell me. No. I didn't. -Whatever it is, I'm gonna find out and sooner is a hell of lot better than later. Well, there's something missing in there. There was something around her neck when I came in there, but it's gone now. -Well, there's something missing in there. There was something around her neck when I came in there, but it's gone now. Who came in after you? -Who came in after you? Lieutenant Quinn. -What am I wasting my time with this shit for? Because it's your job, that's all. -Because it's your job, that's all. Not what I meant; why me? -Not what I meant; why me? Maybe it's something you did in this life, Nikko... -Working late. You're a damn fool. Oh, I know. -It's none of my business anymore... You got that right, Nikko, it's none of your business. -You got that right, Nikko, it's none of your business. You're shitting ion your career. You outrank hi... -Well, you outranked me, Nikko. Yeah. And you used that. Used me -Yeah. And you used that. Used me Don't put yourself down like that. I never used you. I worked my way up like a marine grunt! -Don't put yourself down like that. I never used you. I worked my way up like a marine grunt! Yeah, you did that too. You earned what you got; don't shit on it, that's all I'm saying. -Yeah, you did that too. You earned what you got; don't shit on it, that's all I'm saying. God, you're cute when you're mad. -If this is just the dump site, where did he do the job? Where did he pick her up? Doped up kids all over town. Park was full of them last night. Very easy pickin'. Goetz's type. -Quinn will be here any minute. What are you going to say? Christ. I didn't lock the fucking drawer! You spend twenty years thinking some perp's gonna whack you... you'll crash your car... but what happens is, you fuck yourself... You can't imagine how many times I saw you two... your head together, I wish him dead. Every time... Want to hear something weird? I feel like I'd give my life to bring him back. -Christ. I didn't lock the fucking drawer! You spend twenty years thinking some perp's gonna whack you... you'll crash your car... but what happens is, you fuck yourself... You can't imagine how many times I saw you two... your head together, I wish him dead. Every time... Want to hear something weird? I feel like I'd give my life to bring him back. You're in terrible trouble, Nikko. -You're in terrible trouble, Nikko. Who gives a fuck? In all the years I never seen you cry. You loved him. -I heard. Good police work. Just horseshit luck. -Just horseshit luck. Don't ever forget how good you are. -My third grade teacher at the convent shot better than that. Yeah, but she had divine guidance. -Answer it. I'm sure she thinks it is. Aren't you at least interested in which one it is? -You're good enough you'll never have to kill anyone. I joined the cops to save lives, not waste them. You know, M.J., when I watch you shoot, I realize I've got a little problem with my stance... could you just move over here and critique my legs? -Get Mercer to run the medical, dental, legal bills, laundry and dry cleaning receipts, extermin- ators, mailmen, grocery and drugstore deliveries, handymen, plumbers... It's mostly done, they got nobody in common, the three of them... No mutual friends -- the Landlady says nobody was ever there, she never saw her with anybody. -Snotty neurotic bitch... Classy madonna. -Classy madonna. Sure. She likes you, Rube. She likes the way you move. She sure as hell isn't in love with me. -Sure. She likes you, Rube. She likes the way you move. She sure as hell isn't in love with me. You came in there with this attitude... -You came in there with this attitude... Order Chinese for us and meet me the library? Anything but beef. -What's wrong with him? He's just mad he let me keep the espresso machine. We heard from Doctor Hudson? -He's just mad he let me keep the espresso machine. We heard from Doctor Hudson? Nada. Lemme make the call. -Nada. Lemme make the call. Honest to God, Ruben! -Honest to God, Ruben! I like women like that! -I like women like that! Tell it to your shrink. -You said you don't give a fuck and that's the beauty of a breakdown? This doesn't look like not giving a fuck, you know that? Let's get out of here... -You got a tape backup, yeah, here lemme copy it on tape... Why would he send this to Helen Hudson... -Absolutely. My promise. -Is Niccoletti assigned here? Quinn decided we should form a task force -- they're all one case, now. He wants all the senior detectives on it... She wasn't killed here. -She didn't fight back, no hair or skin under her fingernails. I'm not seeing any bruises or contusions... What about her arms? -What about her arms? Needle marks, fresh, here. look at this... -She's blue as hell. No marks on her neck. Asphyxiated? not the same -- no ligature marks. Outdoors... Look at her legs. -Look at her legs. Spread out like she was sexually assaulted here. -Ruben, my God, I ought to put you on report. You're right. I can't stand that bastard. Sorry. This is something new. Not the same guy, that's for sure. -You're right. I can't stand that bastard. Sorry. This is something new. Not the same guy, that's for sure. Yeah, everything's different. -Get the pictures, and casts of footprints. Look at him, grandstanding... -Now listen up, Ruben. You never, never, never mess with somebody inside the case! Excuse me? Excuse me?! What do you... -Excuse me? Excuse me?! What do you... You damn well better start working on that impulse control. A woman who is implicated in this case? Someone who's practically a piece of evidence? -You damn well better start working on that impulse control. A woman who is implicated in this case? Someone who's practically a piece of evidence? It's against your rules that I try to help a witness who's scared shitless? Who's... -It's against your rules that I try to help a witness who's scared shitless? Who's... The woman's unstable. You could wind up with a harassment charge. Anything. You're like some horny little teenager. -What's Abba? Bunch of Swedish women. You're too young. -She wants me to check the phone booth for a note. Helen... excuse me, we... -The woman was in shock. She was totally out on ranks. I stayed because I didn't want her to wake up alone in a place where she'd just been under attack. Stop that, you son of a bitch! The place wasn't secure. I was doing my goddamn job! And, for the second time, I slept in her living room. Don't try to lie, Ruben. You don't have the face for it. I need you to help interrogate the burglar in Hudson's place... -Don't try to lie, Ruben. You don't have the face for it. I need you to help interrogate the burglar in Hudson's place... Talk to Nikko...! -I'll talk to Conrad myself. I'll be in the jail when you wind this up... I gotta get something to eat, I haven't eaten all day. -You messed with the scene. Shut up. -I tagged the goddamned stocking. It ain't lost. We're sequestering that evidence. That's the trap some son of a bitch is going to fall into... Am I in charge of this thing? Or not. -Am I in charge of this thing? Or not. I said you were... -You didn't say serial killer and I didn't say serial killer. Right. -Right. This is the anniversary of the summer of love and your city fathers have declared a Festival of Love. The Mayor and Chamber of Commerce don't want TV announcing killers on the loose. -This is the anniversary of the summer of love and your city fathers have declared a Festival of Love. The Mayor and Chamber of Commerce don't want TV announcing killers on the loose. Right. -We're gonna have a bunch of clapped out old hippies blissing on the Grateful Dead! Sleeping in the park, smoking dope and sticking tulips up their ass. Good. -There was no sperm. The same as the firs two. Definitely a serial. -The same as the firs two. Definitely a serial. What are you looking at that for? Helen Hudson. Work the clues. -What are you looking at that for? Helen Hudson. Work the clues. What clues? I'm going to work Helen Hudson. -What clues? I'm going to work Helen Hudson. Would you step outside, Sergeant? -I'm telling you. Don't you ever address me publicly in that tone. You'll work what and who I tell you to work. Anybody in this department ever worked a serial killer case? She's the expert. I need help. -Anybody in this department ever worked a serial killer case? She's the expert. I need help. How about I put Nikko on it? -How about I put Nikko on it? That's always your privilege, sir. -Sergeant? Yessir. -Yessir. You ever reflect how this big explosion in dead women coincides with the flowering of women's lib? -You ever reflect how this big explosion in dead women coincides with the flowering of women's lib? Yessir. I have reflected on that, sir. Which explains my gushing deference to you, sir. -Don't swear at me because we got problems. I'm just giving you the news. I went to a Catholic school; I'll tell you what they teach. On the knuckles they teach. Who've I got to beat up except the messenger? Does this give us anything to go on? -Who've I got to beat up except the messenger? Does this give us anything to go on? I'm checking out anybody who lives like DeSalvo. Records of arrests for rape, especially by a man wearing green. Checking out psychiatric hospitals for his personality profile. Cross check- ing names from arrests for sexual offenses, public fondling. If they've got a German wife. We can keep cops working on this kind of junk for years, and this guy's going to hit again, soon. -I'm checking out anybody who lives like DeSalvo. Records of arrests for rape, especially by a man wearing green. Checking out psychiatric hospitals for his personality profile. Cross check- ing names from arrests for sexual offenses, public fondling. If they've got a German wife. We can keep cops working on this kind of junk for years, and this guy's going to hit again, soon. I know. Get out here. -I know. Get out here. So. Do we tell the media and hope for somebody to come forward with information? -So. Do we tell the media and hope for somebody to come forward with information? Or for some new nutcase to copycat the copycat. -Oh, maaaaan?! "What? I talk like a cop, this is the way I talk. I can't believe this guy. Saks. He's a Deputy Assistant Director of the F.B.I. ""Let me help you!""" -"What? I talk like a cop, this is the way I talk. I can't believe this guy. Saks. He's a Deputy Assistant Director of the F.B.I. ""Let me help you!""" We could use a little help. -We could use a little help. With the F.B.I. there's no such thing as a little help. They bury you with help. Explain to me about this virus, no don't tell me about the virus. Thing is, you saw it, the pictures. -So what have we got? It's not the same guy. It should be a self-solver. No bow around the neck, left and body outdoors, completely different. The others were housewives, secretaries, he talked his way inside, killed them in their own living room or bed- or bathroom. This one didn't have a husband or a boyfriend, no family, temp waitress, 3 arrests for misdemeanor dope offenses, DUI, asphyxiation probably from a plastic bag over her head. Sexually assaulted. The others weren't molested that way. We're waiting for the sperm tests... -It's not the same guy. It should be a self-solver. No bow around the neck, left and body outdoors, completely different. The others were housewives, secretaries, he talked his way inside, killed them in their own living room or bed- or bathroom. This one didn't have a husband or a boyfriend, no family, temp waitress, 3 arrests for misdemeanor dope offenses, DUI, asphyxiation probably from a plastic bag over her head. Sexually assaulted. The others weren't molested that way. We're waiting for the sperm tests... Christ. How old are you? You sure you want to be in this line of work? -Christ. How old are you? You sure you want to be in this line of work? You're damn right I do. -You're damn right I do. Okay, now what about your sidekick punching my favorite detective? What the hell is going on? You got no discipline in your operation. -Okay, now what about your sidekick punching my favorite detective? What the hell is going on? You got no discipline in your operation. I'm sorry it had to come to your attention. I am dealing with it. -Where you going? Helen Hudson... -Helen Hudson... What the hell you need her for? -What the hell you need her for? Because I think I'm wrong. -M.J., I'm going to have to borrow Ruben. The alien-smuggling thing in Chinatown is going down tomorrow night and Jack's kid got hit by a car. I gotta give Ruben to Nikko. What does this mean? Now we got the FBI, my team is expendable? I'm working my ass off, is anybody listening? Why Ruben, anyway? He and Nikko don't even get on together... -What does this mean? Now we got the FBI, my team is expendable? I'm working my ass off, is anybody listening? Why Ruben, anyway? He and Nikko don't even get on together... Teach both of them a lesson in cooperation and self-discipline. -Teach both of them a lesson in cooperation and self-discipline. If this is a first step in kicking me off the case, just tell me, to my face, sir, don't waste time being diplomatic. -If this is a first step in kicking me off the case, just tell me, to my face, sir, don't waste time being diplomatic. Just, I need results. And -- I am short-handed. Who else am I gonna give him? -Just, I need results. And -- I am short-handed. Who else am I gonna give him? Give him thatpompous son of a bitch. -I didn't want the Illigals, I wanted just the bastards dumping them in the harbor. What's keeping those bums at Immigration? Nightmare in here... I gotta have Ruben, and a... -The prowler in Hudson's apartment turns out to have a meeting with a suspect... You got a suspect... -You got a suspect... How'd you get in on the deal? -How'd you get in on the deal? I'm gonna drop charges on the break-and-enter at Hudson's... -I'm gonna drop charges on the break-and-enter at Hudson's... You have no authority to make a deal like that. That' s for the D.A... -You have no authority to make a deal like that. That' s for the D.A... Or the F.B.I.? -Or the F.B.I.? Saks. If he knew you did that! They're all asking me, 'what is she doing,' as it is. -Saks. If he knew you did that! They're all asking me, 'what is she doing,' as it is. Give me Ruben back... -Give me Ruben back... Nikko? -You want mine, too? You take his, you take mine. I'm the one fucked it up... So I'm maybe gonna lose three good cops? You fucked up on this occasion, but don't be so hard on yourself. There's something I want you to think about. The book says if you use your gun, use it to kill, that's what it's meant to do. You tried to pick this punk off with fancy shooting, to keep him alive. To what end? You're not willing to kill, you can't be a cop. Go get drunk. I am. -That was Bundy. He killed forty of them, identical, long hair, parted in the middle, alike as Barbie dolls. ...this is hopeless. Let's try to get time for a police spokesman to appear on college radio and TV hookups and broadcast a warning? """Spokesperson.""" -She's in no shape to give her statement tonight... No, she can come in tomorrow... gonna want to know a lot of things... -I just got here myself, Susan. ...confirm this third murder adds up to a pattern? Do we have a serial killer on the loose in the city? -...confirm this third murder adds up to a pattern? Do we have a serial killer on the loose in the city? I just got here. Talk to you later... -... third Bay Area woman has been strangled, but the police continue to deny that this is the work of one killer. Lt. Thomas Quinn declares that the murders will be treated as unrelated crimes, unless new evidence... You messed with the evidence. -Detective Niccoletti? What's this about the Boston Strangler, M.J.? -Inspector, will you confirm somebody is copying the Boston Strangler? This is the fourth, is that correct? We're going to review all the evidence carefully before making any statement... -He's not treating her right... She left you, Nikko. She's not your responsibility. She takes very good care of herself. If she wants to romance the kid, it ain't your business. Your business is to snap out of it. -She left you, Nikko. She's not your responsibility. She takes very good care of herself. If she wants to romance the kid, it ain't your business. Your business is to snap out of it. We were together six years, sir! -We were together six years, sir! Don't give me six years! You never divorced Patty, did you? So what'd you expect from M.J.? -Don't give me six years! You never divorced Patty, did you? So what'd you expect from M.J.? She knows I'm Catholic! She never mentioned divorce! Not once! -She knows I'm Catholic! She never mentioned divorce! Not once! Then you shoulda known she wasn't buying. She was just long-term leasing' you. Ah, Nickie. Except for that rare twenty-second twitch, there ain't nothin' about sex I don't hate. But of course, I'm Irish. Plus I got real problems. I'm worried I might have to put you in over M.J. There's something going on here, the Commissioner is targeting her now, I can't leave a woman in that position. But the thing is, how can I move you in, if you go on acting like a teenage asshole? -Then you shoulda known she wasn't buying. She was just long-term leasing' you. Ah, Nickie. Except for that rare twenty-second twitch, there ain't nothin' about sex I don't hate. But of course, I'm Irish. Plus I got real problems. I'm worried I might have to put you in over M.J. There's something going on here, the Commissioner is targeting her now, I can't leave a woman in that position. But the thing is, how can I move you in, if you go on acting like a teenage asshole? I don't want the job. Don't do that to her. She's worked too damned hard for it. -I don't want the job. Don't do that to her. She's worked too damned hard for it. What's going down with the sting in Chinatown? That gonna be off your plate in a week or what? -Put in the Kevin Costner. Why don't we save it for later? It's almost time for Letterman. -Why don't we save it for later? It's almost time for Letterman. You know I don't like to watch talk shows by myself. Where're you? -See, now you've annoyed her. You know she doesn't like you to touch me. Does she, widdle wee fing! Wuhve you so much! Did you feed her? Yes, I fed her. If she says she's hungry, she's lying to you. Again. -Yes, I fed her. If she says she's hungry, she's lying to you. Again. She doesn't lie! You sure you fed her? -She doesn't lie! You sure you fed her? She lies all the time. Why would I say I fed her if I didn't? -She lies all the time. Why would I say I fed her if I didn't? That's what I don't know. Why would you lie? That's the problem... I can't understand why anyone would lie. -Where were you? In the private aircraft hangar. Anybody could have walked in. -In the private aircraft hangar. Anybody could have walked in. Did you come? -Did you come? No. What about your camera girl? Did she come? -No. What about your camera girl? Did she come? We were interrupted. I had to go back to the set... -Poor darling. What can I do about Karen? How can I arrange to have her seduce me? She desperately needs a conquest. I've been thinking about that, about you and Karen. -There, that's better. Thank you. -Not a lot of action here. They consider this to be the airport hospital. This ward is reserved for air- crash victims. The beds are kept waiting. -They consider this to be the airport hospital. This ward is reserved for air- crash victims. The beds are kept waiting. If I groundloop during my flying lesson on Saturday you might wake up and find me next to you. -If I groundloop during my flying lesson on Saturday you might wake up and find me next to you. I'll listen for you buzzing over. -Is that a gift from Wendel? It has an aeronautical feel to it. Yes. From Wendel. To celebrate, the license approval for our air-charter firm. I forgot to tell you. -That's going well, then. Well, yes. You're getting out of bed tomorrow. They want you to walk. -The other man, the dead man, his wife is a doctor - Dr. Helen Remington. She's here, somewhere. As a patient, of course. Maybe you'll find her in the hallways tomorrow on your walk. And her husband? What was he? -And her husband? What was he? He was a chemical engineer with a food company. -Where's the car? Outside in the visitors, car park. -Outside in the visitors, car park. What!? They brought the car here? -What!? They brought the car here? My car, not yours. Yours is a complete wreck. The police dragged it to the pound behind the station. -My car, not yours. Yours is a complete wreck. The police dragged it to the pound behind the station. Have you seen it? -Have you seen it? The sergeant asked me to identify it. He didn't believe you'd gotten out alive. -The sergeant asked me to identify it. He didn't believe you'd gotten out alive. It's about time. -It's about time. It is? -It is? After being bombarded endlessly by road- safety propaganda, it's almost a relief to have found myself in-an actual accident. -Minute flecks were spattered across the seat and steering wheel. The instrument panel was buckled inwards, cracking the clock and the speedometer dials. The cabin was deformed, and there was dust and glass and plastic flakes everywhere inside. The carpeting was damp and stank of blood and other body and machine fluids. You should have gone to the funeral. -You should have gone to the funeral. I wish I had. They bury the dead so quickly - they should leave them lying around for months. -I wish I had. They bury the dead so quickly - they should leave them lying around for months. What about his wife? The woman doctor? Have you visited her yet? -What about his wife? The woman doctor? Have you visited her yet? No, I couldn't. I feel too close to her. -Renata tells me you're going to rent a car. I can't sit on this balcony forever. I'm beginning to feel like a potted plant. -I can't sit on this balcony forever. I'm beginning to feel like a potted plant. How can you drive? James... your legs. You can Barely walk. -How can you drive? James... your legs. You can Barely walk. Is the traffic heavier now? There seem to be three times as many cars as there were before the accident. -Is the traffic heavier now? There seem to be three times as many cars as there were before the accident. I've never really noticed. Is Renata going with you? -I've never really noticed. Is Renata going with you? I thought she might come along. Handling a car again might be more tiring than I imagine. -I thought she might come along. Handling a car again might be more tiring than I imagine. I'm amazed that she'll let you drive her. -I'm amazed that she'll let you drive her. You're not envious? -You're not envious? Maybe I am a little. James, I've got to leave for the office. Are you going to be all right? -He must have tucked a lot of women in that huge car of his. It's like a bed on wheels. It must smell of semen... It does. -It does. Do you find him attractive? -Do you find him attractive? He's very pale. Covered with scars. -He's very pale. Covered with scars. Would you like to tuck him, though? In that car? -Would you like to tuck him, though? In that car? No. But when he's in that car... -No. But when he's in that car... Have you seen his penis? -Have you seen his penis? I think it's badly scarred too. From a motorcycle accident. -I think it's badly scarred too. From a motorcycle accident. Is he circumcised? Can you imagine what his anus is like? Describe it to me. Would you like to sodomize him? Would you like to put your penis right into his anus, thrust it up his anus? Tell me, describe it to me. Tell me what you would do. How would you kiss him in that car? Describe how you'd reach over and unzip his greasy jeans, then take out his penis. Would you kiss it or suck it right away? Which hand would you hold it in? Have you ever sucked a penis? Do you know what semen tastes like? Have you ever tasted semen? Some semen is saltier than others. Vaughan's semen must be very salty... -They're questioning Vaughan about an accident near the airport. Some pedestrian... they think he was run over intentionally. Vaughan isn't interested in pedestrians. -You'd better drive him. He's a bit shaky. I'll follow in my car. Where is yours? At home. I couldn't face all this traffic. -At home. I couldn't face all this traffic. I'd better come with you, then. Are you sure you can drive? -I thought that was you, up there. My last lesson's next week. James... my car... -I wasn't driving. I'd left the car in the parking lot at the airport. Could it have been deliberate? One of your suitors? -One of your suitors? One of my suitors. -The traffic... where is everyone? They've all gone away. I'd like to go back. James... -I'd like to go back. James... Not yet. It's only beginning. -I think he'll be waiting for us at the airport James. -After this sort of thing, how do people manage to look at a car, let alone drive one? I'm trying to find Charles's car. It's not here. Maybe the police are still holding it. Their forensic people... -It's not here. Maybe the police are still holding it. Their forensic people... They said it was here. They told me this morning. -I don't think we should have come here. I'm surprised the police don't make it more difficult. Were you badly hurt? I think we saw each other at the hospital. I don't want the car. In fact, I was appalled to find that I have to pay a small fee to have it scrapped. -Were you badly hurt? I think we saw each other at the hospital. I don't want the car. In fact, I was appalled to find that I have to pay a small fee to have it scrapped. Can I give you a lift? I somehow find myself driving again. -You haven't told me where we're going. Haven't I? To the airport, if you could. -The airport? Why? Are you leaving? Not yet - though not soon enough for some people, I've already found. A death in the doctor's family makes the patients doubly uneasy. -Not yet - though not soon enough for some people, I've already found. A death in the doctor's family makes the patients doubly uneasy. I take it you're not wearing white to reassure them. -I take it you're not wearing white to reassure them. I'll wear a bloody kimono if I want to. -I'll wear a bloody kimono if I want to. So - why the airport? -So - why the airport? I work in the immigration department there. -Do you want a cigarette? I started to smoke at the hospital. It's rather stupid of me. Look at all this traffic. I'm not sure I can deal with it. -Look at all this traffic. I'm not sure I can deal with it. It's much worse now. You noticed that, did you? The day I left the hospital I had the extraordinary feeling that all these cars were gathering for some special reason I didn't understand. There seemed to be ten times as much traffic. -It's much worse now. You noticed that, did you? The day I left the hospital I had the extraordinary feeling that all these cars were gathering for some special reason I didn't understand. There seemed to be ten times as much traffic. Are we imagining it? -"I've found that I enjoy burying myself in heavy traffic. I like to look at it. Yesterday I hired a taxi driver to drive me around for an hour. ""Anywhere"", I said." We sat in B massive traffic jam under an off-ramp. I don't think we moved more than fifty yards. I'm thinking of taking up a new job with the Road Research Laboratory. They need a medical officer. The salary is larger something I've got to think about now. There's a certain moral virtue in being materialistic, I'm beginning to feel. Well, it's a new approach for me, in any case. -We sat in B massive traffic jam under an off-ramp. I don't think we moved more than fifty yards. I'm thinking of taking up a new job with the Road Research Laboratory. They need a medical officer. The salary is larger something I've got to think about now. There's a certain moral virtue in being materialistic, I'm beginning to feel. Well, it's a new approach for me, in any case. The Road Research Laboratory? Where they simulate car crashes? -The Road Research Laboratory? Where they simulate car crashes? Yes. -Yes. Isn't that rather too close...? -Isn't that rather too close...? That's the point. Besides, I know I can give something now that I wasn't remotely aware of before. It's not a matter of duty so much as of commitment. -Who is that? The announcer. Do I know him? That's Vaughan. He talked to you at the hospital. -That's Vaughan. He talked to you at the hospital. Oh yes. I thought he was a medical photographer, doing some sort of accident research. He wanted every conceivable detail about our crash. -Oh yes. I thought he was a medical photographer, doing some sort of accident research. He wanted every conceivable detail about our crash. When I first met Vaughan, he was a specialist in international computerized traffic systems. I don't know what he is now. -Is this part of the act or are they really hurt? I don't know. You can never be sure with Vaughan. This is his show. -Please finish your story. The junior pathologist at Ashford Hospital. Then the husband of a colleague of mine, then a trainee radiologist, then the service manager at my garage. -The junior pathologist at Ashford Hospital. Then the husband of a colleague of mine, then a trainee radiologist, then the service manager at my garage. And you had sex with all of these men in cars? Only in cars? -And you had sex with all of these men in cars? Only in cars? Yes. I didn't plan it that way. -Yes. I didn't plan it that way. And did you fantasize that Vaughan was photographing all these sex acts? As though they were traffic accidents? -And did you fantasize that Vaughan was photographing all these sex acts? As though they were traffic accidents? Yes. They felt like traffic accidents. -Are we allowed to park here? No. -No. I'm sure the police would make an exception in your case. -There's still a patch of blood there on the road. Did you see it? I saw the blood. It looks like motor oil. -I saw the blood. It looks like motor oil. You were the last one I saw just before the accident. Do you remember? We made love. -You were the last one I saw just before the accident. Do you remember? We made love. Are you still involving me in your crash? -Can you drive? I can drive. -What is it? A complimentary ticket for a special stunt-driving exhibition. Definitely not part of the big auto show. There's a map in the packet and a note requesting you be discrete about the location. -A complimentary ticket for a special stunt-driving exhibition. Definitely not part of the big auto show. There's a map in the packet and a note requesting you be discrete about the location. Really? What kind of exhibition is it? -Really? What kind of exhibition is it? I suspect it involves reenactments of famous car crashes. You know, Jayne Mansfield, James Dean, Albert Camus... -I suspect it involves reenactments of famous car crashes. You know, Jayne Mansfield, James Dean, Albert Camus... You're kidding. -You're kidding. Serious. But you'll have to take your new friend, the female crash-test dummy. She dropped it off for you. -Serious. But you'll have to take your new friend, the female crash-test dummy. She dropped it off for you. You're not jealous, are you? You have to understand... Helen and I had this strange, intense... experience together. -What does he want from you? Hard to say. -Hard to say. I'm going to leave now. Do you want a lift? -I'm going to leave now. Do you want a lift? No, thanks. I'll go with Vaughan. -Crash victim? Yes. -Why are the police taking this all so seriously? It's not the police. It's the Department of Transport. Internal politics. It's a joke. They have no idea who we really are -Do you live here? With Seagrave? I live in my car. This is my workshop. -What exactly is your project, Vaughan? ~ book of crashes? A medical study? A sensational documentary? Global traffic? It's something we're all intimately involved in: The reshaping of the human body by modern technology. -I've always wanted to drive a crashed car. You could get your wish at any moment. -You could get your wish at any moment. No, I mean a crash with a history. Camus' Facel Vega, or Nathaniel Nest's station wagon, Grace Kelly's Rover 3500. Fix it just enough to get it rolling. Don't clean it, don't touch anything else. -No, I mean a crash with a history. Camus' Facel Vega, or Nathaniel Nest's station wagon, Grace Kelly's Rover 3500. Fix it just enough to get it rolling. Don't clean it, don't touch anything else. Is that why you drive this car? I take it that you see Kennedy's assassination as a special kind of car-crash? -Is that why you drive this car? I take it that you see Kennedy's assassination as a special kind of car-crash? The case could be made. -It's very... satisfying. I'm not sure I understand why. It's the future, Ballard, and you're already part of it. For the first time, a benevolent psychopathology beckons towards us. For example, the car crash is a fertilizing rather than a destructive event - a liberation of sexual energy that mediates the sexuality of those who have died with an intensity impossible in any other form. To fully understand that, and to live that... that is my project. -It's the future, Ballard, and you're already part of it. For the first time, a benevolent psychopathology beckons towards us. For example, the car crash is a fertilizing rather than a destructive event - a liberation of sexual energy that mediates the sexuality of those who have died with an intensity impossible in any other form. To fully understand that, and to live that... that is my project. What about the reshaping of the human body by modern technology? I thought that was your project. -What about the reshaping of the human body by modern technology? I thought that was your project. A crude sci-fi concept that floats on the surface and doesn't threaten anybody. I use it to test the resilience of my potential partners in psychopathology. -He must have driven through a pool of blood. If the police stop you again, they may impound the car while they have the blood analyzed. Vaughan kneels beside him and inspects the smears of blood. You're right, Ballard. There's an all- night car-wash in the airport service area. -I need to see you, Ballard. I need to talk to you about the project. Where are you? -Hello, Letitia. I'm Dr. Emlee, and I have some questions to ask you... I did this already. -I did this already. It's hospital policy... -I'm the only doctor making rounds this morning. Well, I don't have hallucinations. Honest. -Well, I don't have hallucinations. Honest. This doctor, was he tall, with dark hair? -This doctor, was he tall, with dark hair? Yeah, and a dimple. -I'm afraid Lhe's not a doctor. Psychologist, therapist, whatever. -Psychologist, therapist, whatever. Patient. -Patient. What? -What kind of place is this? I apologize for the inconvenience, but I must ask you some... -I apologize for the inconvenience, but I must ask you some... I want to see my mother immediately. -I want to see my mother immediately. We discourage family visits for the first 48 hours after an emotional trauma like the kind you've experienced. -We discourage family visits for the first 48 hours after an emotional trauma like the kind you've experienced. I don't think you understand. I won't wait. -Do we have to talk about this? I think in the spirit of group therapy, it's beneficial for each of us to open ourselves up to the others. -The medicine's still bothering me. It feels like I have cotton wrapped around my brain. We'll see about adjusting the dosage if that doesn't clear in the next How are other things going? -The question, Letty, is how are you feeling? I miss Beast a lot, too. -I couldn't really say anything because of that fraternizing rule. Well, Letty, this does present a liability issue for the hospital. -Well, Letty, this does present a liability issue for the hospital. I'm a grown woman, Dr. Emlee. I can take care of myself. -I'm a grown woman, Dr. Emlee. I can take care of myself. What about Michael? Do you know the extent of his... -What about Michael? Do you know the extent of his... I know Michael's a schizophrenic, and Mrs. Hallstrom's manic- depressive, and John Lockyer has episodes of psychosis, and I heard a rumor that you suffer from delusions of grandeur. -I know Michael's a schizophrenic, and Mrs. Hallstrom's manic- depressive, and John Lockyer has episodes of psychosis, and I heard a rumor that you suffer from delusions of grandeur. Go ahead and put the guard back up, Letty. But you need to know what you're dealing with. -Go ahead and put the guard back up, Letty. But you need to know what you're dealing with. I don't need a lecture. I care about Michael. -I don't need a lecture. I care about Michael. Then that's even more reason to listen. Look, schizophrenics tend to withdraw from reality. They experience emotional disturbances that result in personality changes. -Look, I know he's almost through with treatment here. And, he's on medication. Drugs can help suppress symptoms. But lots of patients stop taking them when they're on their own because the side effects are so harsh. And, Michael's condition is often worsened by periods of stress. He's been in and out of... -Drugs can help suppress symptoms. But lots of patients stop taking them when they're on their own because the side effects are so harsh. And, Michael's condition is often worsened by periods of stress. He's been in and out of... I don't want to hear anymore. -First you tell me to do what I want to, then you tell me to stop. All I want you to do is think about what's best for you. Really think about it. -But what I really can't believe is that I'm starting to actually miss work. Have you been in contact with the principal about your job? -Have you been in contact with the principal about your job? I thought about calling, but I want to wait until I know when I'll be out. -I thought about calling, but I want to wait until I know when I'll be out. Then, you should call. -Then, you should call. What? -What? I think it's about that time, Letty. The charges against you have been dropped, the drugs have evened out and you seem to be dealing with your life quite well. -I think it's about that time, Letty. The charges against you have been dropped, the drugs have evened out and you seem to be dealing with your life quite well. Are you saying I'm through with therapy? -So, we'll meet every Tuesday and Friday. And if you have any kind of emergency, you can page me. OK, good. That's good. Thanks an awful lot for everything, and for coming down here to see me off. -OK, good. That's good. Thanks an awful lot for everything, and for coming down here to see me off. It was just a little going-away gesture. -It was just a little going-away gesture. I have a going-away gesture for you, too. -I have a going-away gesture for you, too. Oh? -What's up with you? Me? Nothing. Tell me more about the job. -Just go ahead and tell us. There's nothing to tell. -No, really. Tell me about the promotion. Well, my theory is that people can really enjoy math, but they lose interest... -She says she won't even come if Dad brings Monica. Mom won't miss your wedding. She'll come around. I promise she will. -How? I'll talk to her, and to Dad, too. A few wisely-chosen guilt tactics and they'll be ours. -I'll talk to her, and to Dad, too. A few wisely-chosen guilt tactics and they'll be ours. Maybe if we had them both to dinner or something. -Maybe. You always throw the best dinner parties, Letty. -Oh, wait a minute, now I see where you're going. Please, Letty. -Please, Letty. Mom and Dad? At dinner together? Are you crazy? -Maybe, though. Maybe it would work. I could throw you an engagement party maybe. Really? -You know what, Ruthie? I better get back to my class, OK? And the party? -And the party? Yeah, it'll be fun. -Where's the old bag I sometimes call Mommy? She said she'd be here at 10. -What do you think of this one? I'd have to see it on. -Things have been kind of stressful lately. But everything's OK? -Yeah, everything's under control. What about the engagement party? -What about the engagement party? Everything's ready for tomorrow night--except the artillery. -Everything's ready for tomorrow night--except the artillery. Thanks so much for planning it, Letty. Jake's really looking forward to it. -What about this one? You look beautiful. -You look beautiful. Really? -Really? Truly. -Hi, Mom. Look, Mom, I think I've found the dress. -Go on, Letty. I want to see it on you. Do you think I should? -How can I help? Paul, can you hand me the olives? Ruth, I need you to, what was it? -Paul, can you hand me the olives? Ruth, I need you to, what was it? What about the souffle? Has that gone in? -Fuck me. What's the matter? -What's all the dreck? Sage, rosemary... Les Herbes. -Sage, rosemary... Les Herbes. It'll be fine. -It'll be fine. No, no. They've got to be Puglia olives, packed in a light brine with a flavor that doesn't overpower the palate. -Letty, dinner's almost ready. The souffle... I'll be back before you can say souffle. -I can't believe you finally gave me the shirt. Loaned you. And it's only 'til you get out of here. -Loaned you. And it's only 'til you get out of here. That settles it. I'm never leaving. -That settles it. I'm never leaving. I can hardly wait 'til you're free. Planning the wedding without you has been a disaster. -I can hardly wait 'til you're free. Planning the wedding without you has been a disaster. You're slowing. -You're slowing. Mom and I fought for 20 minutes over whether we should go with ecru invitations or brilliant white. -What do you think? Ecru. -Ecru. And then the gold scroll or the black Romanesque print? -Do we have to talk wedding details? Oh, no, of course not. -What's his name, Letty? I didn't say... -I don't think people even noticed. I thought the ceremony was perfect. That's thanks to all your help. -You did the right thing. I ruined your wedding night. -Oh, Ruthie, what am I going to do? You don't have to make any decisions tonight. -You don't have to make any decisions tonight. But what am I going to do? -But what am I going to do? Do you want to go see him? I'll take you if you want to go. -Do you want to go see him? I'll take you if you want to go. I can't. I can't see him there. -I was so sure. I really thought it would work. We have plans, Ruth. I know. I know. -How wonderful, darling. What does that mean for you? I'll be running it three days a week, and... -I'll be running it three days a week, and... Will you get time off to do that? -Will you get time off to do that? Not now, but maybe later, if they like the program. -Are you sure, Dear? Come on. -My goodness. A wedding. My goodness. Wow. Congratulations. -Tell us every detail. You've only known Jake a few months. -Has Paul heard about his promotion? No, not yet. But you know Paul. He's sure to get it. -Oh no. Paul could pop the question at any time. -Paul could pop the question at any time. Mom, please. -Mom, please. Especially with a promotion in the offing. -I gather he's late as usual. Can I get you a glass of champagne? -I'm here, Sweetheart. I'm here. It's going to be OK. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. -I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, Letty, what happened? -Oh, Letty, what happened? Mom, I was there, and I just, I was so... They didn't have the olives, and I, I got so upset. I don't know how it happened. -Mom, I was there, and I just, I was so... They didn't have the olives, and I, I got so upset. I don't know how it happened. I've talked to Doctor Emlee, and he says... -I've talked to Doctor Emlee, and he says... I'm so glad to see you. You can't believe the people in here. They've got patients posing as doctors... -I'm so glad to see you. You can't believe the people in here. They've got patients posing as doctors... Everyone says it's the best facility in the area for this sort of thing. -Everyone says it's the best facility in the area for this sort of thing. I just want to go home. Can we go home now? -Maybe I should talk about this with Ruth, or Paul. We all agree with the doctor, Dear. He thinks it's safer for you to stay here for a while. -Yes. But what about Beast? Who'll...? -But what about Beast? Who'll...? Ruth's already taken him home. -Ruth's already taken him home. And my class. It'll be hard to find a good substitute. And what about my math program? -And my class. It'll be hard to find a good substitute. And what about my math program? Paul said he'd call the school. And your father thinks he's convinced the guard not to press charges as long as you get help. -I'll see you soon. Tomorrow? -Tomorrow? As soon as Dr. Emlee says. -It's so good to see you, Sweetheart. You too, Mom. -You too, Mom. You're looking good. A little thin, but good. -Which flowers did you order? We haven't. I wanted to talk that over with you, too. -We haven't. I wanted to talk that over with you, too. Oh, OK, well, better to choose the table cloths first anyway. -Oh, OK, well, better to choose the table cloths first anyway. I was thinking either the peach moire or cream damask. -We aren't allowed to wear jewelry in here, Mom. Just think, pretty soon, we'll be doing all these wedding preparations for you. Of course, if that's what you still want. Ruthie told me some silly story about a crush on some boy here. -I haven't had a crush since I was When did you start smoking? -I hear this Michael fellow is schizophrenic. Mom, please. -Mom, please. Don't forget that Paul's a promising young attorney who loves you very much... -Don't forget that Paul's a promising young attorney who loves you very much... Mom, look, if I want to dump Paul, I'll dump him. If I want to screw Michael or live with him or marry him, then I'll do that. -I'm only looking out for you. And if I want to smoke, I'll fucking smoke. -Must you walk so quickly? It's good exercise, Mom. -I'm so thankful you'll be leaving next week. If you want me to pick you up, I will. I've already made arrangements. -Mom, we agreed. You can visit, but you're not allowed to mention Michael. Not even if it's something positive? -Honestly, Letty. A deal's a deal. -Michael just got a job. Couldn't you congratulate him? I will, Dear. I promise. Why McDonald's? -I will, Dear. I promise. Why McDonald's? He's been looking everywhere for weeks, Mom. It's not that easy after you've been locked away. -I'm going to take that as an honest effort at being open minded. Don't be fresh. -Don't be fresh. Just remember that I love him. -I'm really not that hungry. Just eat whatever you want. This will give you a chance to meet some people. -Letty, you should be in bed. There's a spider in my room. -There's a spider in my room. Yeah? -Yeah? It's got a green dot on its back. I can't go to sleep with it watching me. -It's got a green dot on its back. I can't go to sleep with it watching me. Sounds awful. I guess we better check it out. -It had this red spot on its back. Green spot. -Green spot. Mottled really. Green and red. -I don't know why you feel you have to lie, Letty. Lie? -Lie? If you feel lonely, or need to talk, all you have to do is say so. -If you feel lonely, or need to talk, all you have to do is say so. To talk? Well, OK, that might be good. -To talk? Well, OK, that might be good. I understand you just got engaged. Maybe that's where we should start. -I don't mean to go on and on like this. It's OK. It's good to let it out. -You can only do what feels best to you now. I guess so. I think that's right. -You've been so great. I just feel a lot clearer about things. I'm glad. -Do you mind if I call you Letitia? Letty. -Letty. First off, Letty, can you tell me where you are? -First off, Letty, can you tell me where you are? I answered these questions last night. -I answered these questions last night. I know this can be a real drag, but the attending physician on day shift is required to do his own prelim exam when a patient is admitted during the night. -No, 79. Sorry, this makes me nervous. It's OK. It's not a pass-fail kind of thing. -Chair, cup and ball. Terrific. -Let me shift gears here a minute... Do you ever hear voices that other people don't hear or see things they don't? No. -No. What about patterns? Do you find yourself checking and re-checking locks? Or washing your hands over and over again? -Yes? Go right ahead. Sometimes my food, and my clothes, and my underwear. -How do you sort it--by lace and cotton? By color. -By color. What if it's got a pattern? -What if it's got a pattern? Is this really important? Because I don't think it's a problem. -A while, I guess. That must be really difficult. -"Hey there. They're showing ""Groundhog Day"" if you..." You took bets on my diagnosis? -You took bets on my diagnosis? It's no big deal. We all compare. -It's no big deal. We all compare. Who do you think you are? -Don't take it personally. You have no right, no right to take the worst thing that's ever happened to me and make it into some kind of game. -You have no right, no right to take the worst thing that's ever happened to me and make it into some kind of game. Stop acting like you're someone special. You're just like the rest of us. -Stop acting like you're someone special. You're just like the rest of us. I'm not the one who's masquerading as a doctor. I'm not the one who's, who's... -What are you looking to read? Anything interesting. -But you're checking it out. I've already checked it out 17 times. -You missed out on some great broccoli florets at dinner. I wasn't hungry. -I wasn't hungry. John even managed to lob a load of mashed potatoes into Mrs. Hallstrom's milk. -John even managed to lob a load of mashed potatoes into Mrs. Hallstrom's milk. Finally. I was getting tired of watching him try every night. -Finally. I was getting tired of watching him try every night. Was it bad news--the visit from Peter? -Was it bad news--the visit from Peter? Paul. -He asked me to marry him. Very romantic setting. -Very romantic setting. It was romantic. He's very romantic. -It was romantic. He's very romantic. So are you engaged, or what? -What have you done with the ring? It's magic. -Guess which hand. Enough with the abracadabra. -Enough with the abracadabra. Guess. -Guess. The left one. -Really, this isn't funny. OK, OK, I'll give it back. -For a price. Good God. -Good God. A small price. -A small price. I won't do your portion of kitchen cleanup. -I won't do your portion of kitchen cleanup. No. -No. And I'm not covering for you when you sneak out to call Dominos. -We're supposed to be asleep. Exactly. -We'll get caught. No rounds for another three hours. -Nervous? Scared? Worried you're not fit for a caper of epic proportions? Don't be ridiculous. -Don't be ridiculous. Rendezvous at the closet in 30. -A daisy for the lady. The lady knows this is a dandelion. -The lady knows this is a dandelion. A rose is a rose. -Thanks. Where've you been all day? Back-to-back sessions with the shrink. -I'm not allowed to see you anymore. Really? Me too. -Really? Me too. I had to sneak by the guards to get here. They say you're highly unstable, have a depressive personality, and may hold back my own recovery. -I had to sneak by the guards to get here. They say you're highly unstable, have a depressive personality, and may hold back my own recovery. Wow. I'm bad news. -Wow. I'm bad news. What's my rap? -What's my rap? Schizophrenic recidivism marked by hallucinations and paranoid delusions. -Really, though. My thoughts go haywire sometimes. What are the delusions like? -Shocking, huh? Sure. But I took out a whole grocery store. -Sure. But I took out a whole grocery store. I wish I could have seen that. -I wish I could have seen that. I'm starting to think that everyone's crazy to some extent. -I'm starting to think that everyone's crazy to some extent. My Grandma Rosa says that some trees get planted in rich top soil, and they grow right up to the sun, tall and straight. Other trees, they start as seeds in the crevices between rocks so they have to twist and bend to reach the light. But even though they end up crooked, they're still trees, just like the straight ones. -Why in the world did you let me start talking in metaphors? That's no way for us to break up. Break up? They wish. -You must have thought about it. Everyone does. I just want to see Beast. Where would you go? -I just want to see Beast. Where would you go? The mission up in Santa Barbara. -The mission up in Santa Barbara. No way. -No way. That's where I always go when I get out. -What else would you do? I'd like to drink a bottle of red wine with you and then make love to you and spend the whole night together. And we'd get up in the morning and spend hours lounging around and reading the paper. -I'd like to drink a bottle of red wine with you and then make love to you and spend the whole night together. And we'd get up in the morning and spend hours lounging around and reading the paper. And we'd eat Spaghetti-O's in bed from the can. -And we'd eat Spaghetti-O's in bed from the can. How can you even mention Spaghetti- O's after eating Grandma Rosa's dinner tonight? -How can you even mention Spaghetti- O's after eating Grandma Rosa's dinner tonight? I have a terrible confession. -I have a terrible confession. Tell the doctor. -Tell the doctor. I don't like lamb. -Then it's over. Lie down. -It's a good thing my family loves you. Your family just met me. -Your family just met me. "You're right. I guess I was projecting. What I should have said is, ""It's a good thing I love you.""" -"You're right. I guess I was projecting. What I should have said is, ""It's a good thing I love you.""" Do you? -Do you? I do. -I do. Michael, I... -Michael, I... It's OK. You don't have to say anything. -It's OK. You don't have to say anything. But I do. I love you, too. -John and Nurse Gates are waiting for you. Oh, right. I'm ready. How do I look? -Oh, right. I'm ready. How do I look? Great. I came to tell you to break a leg, and to give you this for good luck. -Well? Home free. -Tell me all. I was brilliant, or at least boringly sane. -I was brilliant, or at least boringly sane. So there were no problems? -So there were no problems? Not a one. -Not a one. And did you go to the mission? -Just checking. I saw Paul leaving. Did you do the dirty deed? -I saw Paul leaving. Did you do the dirty deed? Yeah. -Yeah. So, it's over? -So, it's over? All over. Did you see your new apartment? -Furnished? No, I need some serious household advice. -No, I need some serious household advice. First off, you'll need to go to Target. And, let's see, what should you buy? -First off, you'll need to go to Target. And, let's see, what should you buy? I better make a list. -I better make a list. List schmist. You'll remember. -Aren't you supposed to throw a bouquet or something? Aren't you ever quiet? -Where to? I've heard the mission in Santa Barbara is the place to go. -This is it -- 3B. Check it out. Open up. I want to see. -Wow. You like it? -I love the pillows. Throw pillows, Letty. The sales lady said they're the latest thing. -Throw pillows, Letty. The sales lady said they're the latest thing. Very trendy. Let's see the rest. -It's TV heaven. I was tired of watching what everyone else wants to watch. Now we can watch two shows at once. -I was tired of watching what everyone else wants to watch. Now we can watch two shows at once. Let's try out the bed. -You've got to see the kitchen first. Do you like it? -Do you like it? I love your apartment. -I love your apartment. Really? -What do you say we go out to dinner to celebrate? Out? Are you kidding? I've got all the fixings here. -How can you not like the Top 10 List? I like it. But Headlines are better. -I like it. But Headlines are better. You're so wrong. -Hey. It's sex time. -Did I get spaghetti sauce on my face? No. -Michael. Shhhh. -Not yet. I'll be forced to tickle you. -I'm supposed to meet the principal in half an hour. I'll see you tonight. -Good luck. You, too. Kick ass today. -Sounds good. Oh, and Letty? Yeah? -Yeah? You've got one hell of a great body. -Gosh, Letty, this is a great place. Thanks. -This must be Beast. That's Mr. Beast to you. -I bombed. It's either work in the office or nothing. Sounds grim. -Sounds grim. Yeah. How was the job search? -Who ever said sanity was fun? It doesn't matter. It'll work out. -It doesn't matter. It'll work out. Promise? -Promise? Promise. As long as we have steak. -Promise. As long as we have steak. Steak? -The store was busy. You got wine. That's great. -You got wine. That's great. Would you mind if we just called it an early night? -Would you mind if we just called it an early night? You go ahead and relax. I'll cook. -You go ahead and relax. I'll cook. I think I should go home. -I think I should go home. Are you OK? -Are you OK? Big restaurant interview tomorrow. -Four interviews. Four no-gos. The restaurant, too? -The restaurant, too? I couldn't even face that one. -That's OK. We can call and reschedule in the morning. You don't have to take care of me, you know. -Just promise you'll love me even if I end up in a job where I have to wear a blue polyester cap. I think you know I'd love you even more in a blue polyester cap. -You're going to miss the Top Ten. Coming. -Hey, Letty. Mrs. Mayer. I got worried. Are you OK? -How may I help you? Congratulations. -Aunt Lily is the one who married your father's cousin? No, that's Aunt Connie. Lily is the one who looks like a hooker. -No, that's Aunt Connie. Lily is the one who looks like a hooker. Oh. And, Harry, he's the one who likes magic? -Oh. And, Harry, he's the one who likes magic? You don't have to know all this by Saturday. It took me years. -Aunt Lily? Bingo. -Something like that. When he could get time off from the restaurant business. -When he could get time off from the restaurant business. How about a dance? -Bye, Uncle Cort. What's with the lie? It wasn't exactly a lie. -What is it? Are you OK? Always the drugs. -Always the drugs. What? -What? I saw you talking to my Mom. -I saw you talking to my Mom. We both talked to her, Michael. And your dad. -What do you mean not taking your meds? Why'd you tell? -Why'd you tell? I didn't talk to her about medications, Michael. Don't be silly. -Silly? Silly am I? Michael, take it easy. -Michael, take it easy. Silly, silly, silly. -Silly, silly, silly. I think I should call someone. -Don't upset my Mom. Don't you upset my Mom. Michael, calm down. Please. It's OK. -I guess we need to talk. I guess so. -I guess so. It's hard to know where to start. -I sure know what that feels like. And all the plans we have. -And all the plans we have. Yeah, the plans. -I've been thinking I could try to visit you at night after work, and then there'd be more time on weekends to see... Letty, please. -Like I've told you before I don't want you taking care of me. Someone has to take care of you right now, Michael. You tore up the apartment. You stopped taking your medications. -Someone has to take care of you right now, Michael. You tore up the apartment. You stopped taking your medications. But that wasn't me. I didn't mean to do that. -But that wasn't me. I didn't mean to do that. Well then why'd it happen? -Well then why'd it happen? I don't know. I don't fucking know. -I'm sorry. I didn't come here to blame you. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. -I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Oh, God, Michael, I know. Why does everything have to be so hard? -What are we going to do? What do you want to do? -What do you want to do? I know I don't want to lose you. I don't think I could stand it. -I love you so much. I love you too, Letty. I love you, too. -Maybe we could just run away to Tahiti and live on the beach. That's the best idea I've heard in a long time. -Don't you have a magic trick or something to make this easier? How about something better? Like a kiss. -Would that really be such a good idea for either of us? Just promise me you'll be OK, OK? -Just promise me you'll be OK, OK? I will. And you make sure you take care of yourself. -I guess I should go now. You should go. -So, another one bites the dust. It's not another one. It's my sister. Aren't you happy for her? -It's not another one. It's my sister. Aren't you happy for her? She's only known the guy a few months. -Can I put these here for tonight? In there's better. It's kind of romantic, don't you think? -In there's better. It's kind of romantic, don't you think? I really think if you're going to spend your life with someone you want to know them pretty damn well. -Believe me, I know your feelings on the matter. The receptionist said you called earlier about something. -My math program. The Superintendent said he'd fund it. Good going. I knew you could do it. -Yeah? Huntley told me today that if I come through on the Benton deposition, they may consider me for senior associate. -I was thinking dinner on Friday with James and Meg at the Saint Mark. I mean tonight. -Actually, I need to review the deposition questions tonight. Maybe tomorrow? Oh, ok. Maybe. -Oh, ok. Maybe. But I thought if you don't mind, you could listen and see how I come across? -But I thought if you don't mind, you could listen and see how I come across? Sure. Of course. -What are you doing? You're going to be late. I'm calling in sick. -You don't have a fever. I don't feel like going to work today. -I don't feel like going to work today. Won't it be hard for them to get a substitute this late? -But what about that math project? Paul, I just can't go. Is that OK with you or am I committing some horrible crime? -Paul, I just can't go. Is that OK with you or am I committing some horrible crime? Forget I asked. -Forget I asked. I'm sorry. I'm just...I'm so tired lately. -I'm sorry. I'm just...I'm so tired lately. Maybe you ought to see a doctor. -Maybe you ought to see a doctor. No, it's not like that. -It's just I've got those parent conferences, and I'm supposed to set up the math program by next week. And shopping for Ruth's dress and that, that engagement dinner. You can get out of the dinner. -You can get out of the dinner. No, I can't. I've already convinced both Mom and Dad to come. -No, I can't. I've already convinced both Mom and Dad to come. Come on, Letty. It'll get done. -I don't think so. Of course it will. Remember the big talent show you planned last year? And what about the Christmas benefit when Santa canceled at the last minute? But you still pulled it off. -Of course it will. Remember the big talent show you planned last year? And what about the Christmas benefit when Santa canceled at the last minute? But you still pulled it off. Yeah. -Yeah. You just need to get more organized. L -You know what I think we need? Martinis. How about martinis to celebrate? Yes. -What are you doing? Can you loan me a 20? -Can you loan me a 20? Sure. Why? -Sure. Why? I'm going to the store. -I'm going to the store. I think you're overreacting. -It's prettier here than I thought it would be. Yeah, I guess it's all right. -Yeah, I guess it's all right. Are you all right? -Are you all right? That's a big question. -That's a big question. I hope it wasn't something I did. -I hope it wasn't something I did. Something you did? -Of course not, no. Is that why you're here? I think we need to talk about some things. -I think we need to talk about some things. Yes, I suppose so. -Yes, I suppose so. This has been really difficult, this whole thing. -No. Especially this last year. -Especially this last year. Especially now. -Especially now. So, I've been thinking a lot... -I talked to Ruth a little bit, and I think it's about time... I know. We can't just keep going through the motions. -I know. We can't just keep going through the motions. Exactly. It's time to make decisions. -Exactly. It's time to make decisions. You don't have to say anything else. I've known for a while that this was coming. -You don't have to say anything else. I've known for a while that this was coming. I just wish we'd done it sooner. -I had to smuggle it in here. I guess you're not really supposed to have jewelry. Or be up past ten or fraternize with other patients. -Or be up past ten or fraternize with other patients. I hope you like it. It's a Marquis cut, 1.5 carats. They had one with emeralds around it, but this was simpler, more classic in its lines. Letty? -I hope you like it. It's a Marquis cut, 1.5 carats. They had one with emeralds around it, but this was simpler, more classic in its lines. Letty? It's, it's really nice, Paul. -No, you've done a perfect job. So, what do you say, Let? -Sure. We'll save the formal announcement for when you're out. I already told your mother. I hope you don't mind. No, no. -No, no. So will you? -So will you? Of course. Yes. I will. I do. -What's so urgent? You've got me worried. I need to tell you something, and I'm not sure how. -You can tell me anything. Do you want to postpone the wedding? Is it too much pressure? No... -No... That's a load off my mind. -You what? I don't mean to hurt you. I know this is a terrible thing. And I have really loved you. -I don't mean to hurt you. I know this is a terrible thing. And I have really loved you. Whoa. Whoa. Have really loved me? Letty, it's natural to be nervous. But we're going to work through our problems. -Whoa. Whoa. Have really loved me? Letty, it's natural to be nervous. But we're going to work through our problems. I've met someone else. -I've met someone else. Who? -Who? It doesn't matter who. -It doesn't matter who. Have you been seeing another teacher? -Have you been seeing another teacher? No. -No. It's a doctor, isn't it? That's unethical. I'll have him rung up on malpractice charges so fast his head will spin. -It's a doctor, isn't it? That's unethical. I'll have him rung up on malpractice charges so fast his head will spin. He's a patient here. -Of all the crazy things. I understood when you dropped out of law school. And during this whole mess, I've tried to be supportive. But, really, Letty, what can you be thinking? I love him. -I love him. You're going to throw away our life together for some shared experience with a looney-tune that you misguidedly think is love? -You're going to throw away our life together for some shared experience with a looney-tune that you misguidedly think is love? Here's the ring. -Here's the ring. No way. You keep the ring. You'll come to your senses. -I'm glad you agreed to see me. I'm just glad there aren't any hard feelings. -I'm just glad there aren't any hard feelings. Oh, none. None. I completely understand what was going on. -Oh, none. None. I completely understand what was going on. Oh. -Oh. How's work going? Are you back at school? -How's work going? Are you back at school? I start on Monday. -Getting back. I heard about your friend. -I heard about your friend. What? -What? I heard your friend was back in the hospital. -I heard your friend was back in the hospital. Michael. Yes. -Our relationship meant a lot to me, too, Paul. But it's over. And Michael being in the hospital doesn't really change things. I think I've heard this speech before. -I think I've heard this speech before. I'm really sorry. -I've got a deposition that I really need to get cracking on, so if you don't mind... Sure, I understand. -The Superintendent was just getting ready to leave. I do apologize. A student had a crisis. -Well, I understand. I know my behavior was poor. So, in light of how the parents feel, and the fact the students are doing so well with the substitute, I don't think I can put you back in the classroom just yet. -So, in light of how the parents feel, and the fact the students are doing so well with the substitute, I don't think I can put you back in the classroom just yet. Look, Gail, I've been a good teacher. -Look, Gail, I've been a good teacher. I know, Letty. But the incident with Zach was frightening for the children. Now if you'd come to me, explained what was going on... -I know, Letty. But the incident with Zach was frightening for the children. Now if you'd come to me, explained what was going on... Believe me, I wish I'd understood what was going on. I've worked really hard to get better. -Believe me, I wish I'd understood what was going on. I've worked really hard to get better. I'm glad you're doing well. -I'm glad you're doing well. I've already thought about how to tell the kids where I was. -It's a very nice letter. But I have to go with what's best for the students. What does that mean? -What does that mean? I need someone to work on budget projections. -I need someone to work on budget projections. Office work? -Office work? Or, of course, you could take a sabbatical the rest of the year. -All tapped out. I'll float you. -How's it look? Shhh. They're coming to the cubic zirconium. -Shhh. They're coming to the cubic zirconium. I like those sapphire earrings myself. -I like those sapphire earrings myself. Simulated sapphires. I bet my daughter would love those, too. -Mrs. Hallstrom, why don't you join my family for dinner. You'll love my Grandma Rosa. That's so sweet, Michael. But, really, I've so many things to do. -"We're talking Matisse, Renoir, Monet. We know for sure they replaced Van Gogh's ""Vase with twelve sunflowers"" last week with a copy. It was on loan from the London National Gallery and they're not going to be very happy when they find out about it." So Bastaldi makes a deal with the Feds to trade up for his brother? -So Bastaldi makes a deal with the Feds to trade up for his brother? Yeah. He delivers the goods on Zammito. If we got what we wanted we'd let his brother go providing he tells us where the Van Gogh and the other paintings are. -Agent Hadley. Do you know who this is? -Do you know who this is? Yeah. I figured I'd be hearing from you. -Yeah. I figured I'd be hearing from you. If you ever want to get those tapes, meet me in one hour at Grant Park near the statue. -What are you doing? You think I'm going to talk to you until I know if you're wired. -You think I'm going to talk to you until I know if you're wired. Wired? I ain't wired. -Okay. Okay. I believe you. You killed her! -You killed her! No. You killed her. Manager remembers you going into her room. Your fingerprints were found all over the place. -No. You killed her. Manager remembers you going into her room. Your fingerprints were found all over the place. Bullshit! She was alive when we left her with you. -Bullshit! She was alive when we left her with you. You're fucked, Sami. You know it. That's why you're here. -You're fucked, Sami. You know it. That's why you're here. Look, I just want out of this nightmare. I don't know these guys. A few days ago I'm in Paris picking pockets and now I'm America's most wanted. -Look, I just want out of this nightmare. I don't know these guys. A few days ago I'm in Paris picking pockets and now I'm America's most wanted. Where are the tapes? -Where are the tapes? I can get them -- but what do I get if I do? -I can get them -- but what do I get if I do? A pass. -A pass. A pass? How you gonna give me a pass? A witness can put me at the crime scene. -A pass? How you gonna give me a pass? A witness can put me at the crime scene. Witness' can be convinced they made a mistake. Without the murder weapon the D.A. won't have enough to prosecute you. -Witness' can be convinced they made a mistake. Without the murder weapon the D.A. won't have enough to prosecute you. They don't have a murder weapon? -They don't have a murder weapon? No. I have it. The lamp? The one with your fingerprints and her blood on it? Remember? -You want the tapes for yourself. You're going to sell them. I'm going to retire with a shit-load of money. Find me a small country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the States and live the good life. -I'm going to retire with a shit-load of money. Find me a small country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the States and live the good life. You didn't have to kill Sophie. -You didn't have to kill Sophie. Yes I did. Lose ends are messy. -Yes I did. Lose ends are messy. What about me? Aren't I a loose end? -What about me? Aren't I a loose end? When this is over you can say whatever the hell you want. I'll be long gone. Besides, who's going to believe you? You're just a two-bit crook. -When this is over you can say whatever the hell you want. I'll be long gone. Besides, who's going to believe you? You're just a two-bit crook. And you're a dirty cop. At least I don't pretend to be something different than what I am. -What the fuck was all that about at the hotel last night? I thought we had a deal? Hey, you're not exactly the most trustworthy guy in the world. I took a shot. It didn't work. Did you bring the tapes? -You want the tapes for yourself. You're going to sell them. I'm going to retire with a shit-load of money. Find me a small country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the States and live the good life. -I'm going to retire with a shit-load of money. Find me a small country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the States and live the good life. You didn't have to kill Sophie. -You didn't have to kill Sophie. Yes I did. Lose ends are messy. -Zero. That's all I know. You'll never get out of the city. -This is turning to shit. If word gets out of my involvement in this I'll go to prison. Listen, we know their names. They don't know the city. You'll find them. You're the FBI. -Listen, we know their names. They don't know the city. You'll find them. You're the FBI. I can't bring the Bureau into this. If I do the tapes become evidence. -I can't bring the Bureau into this. If I do the tapes become evidence. They're supposed to be evidence. That's why Bastaldi set this up. -They're supposed to be evidence. That's why Bastaldi set this up. Fuck Bastaldi and his brother. These tapes are gold. Do you have any idea what Zammito would pay to get them back? -Fuck Bastaldi and his brother. These tapes are gold. Do you have any idea what Zammito would pay to get them back? I thought you wanted Zammito? -I thought you wanted Zammito? What for? The minute I get him some other Gavone will take his place. I've been doing this for twenty years. When I retire it's not going to be to some trailer park in the suburbs. -Too many people know about my involvement in this. Then we just have to make sure everyone who knows can't say anything. -Uh... excuse me, but don't you need a warrant or something? Not today. Where are your friends? -Not today. Where are your friends? They left about a half hour ago. -They left about a half hour ago. Where did they go? -Where did they go? I dunno. -Hey man, you can't do that! What? This? -Jesus. What kind of FBI agent are you? I'm your worst fuckin' nightmare. Now, if you don't want me to keep on hurting you, it's important that I believe you and right now I don't. So tell me, where did they go? -I'm your worst fuckin' nightmare. Now, if you don't want me to keep on hurting you, it's important that I believe you and right now I don't. So tell me, where did they go? I swear man, I don't know. They packed up and left a half hour ago. All I got is one of their phone numbers in Paris. -Hello? It's Elvis... -It's Elvis... Who? -Who? It's me... -It's me... Marcel? -Yes. We went to the address we were given and had to tie up the owner of the house who turns out to be some Mafia guy. You're there now? -You're there now? Oui. -Oui. You're calling me on your cell phone, right? -You're calling me on your cell phone, right? No. -No. You're calling me on is phone? -You're calling me on is phone? Oui. -Oui. My number's going to show up on his bill! -My number's going to show up on his bill! Should I call you back? -You've already robbed the safe? Oui. -Oui. Take what you've got and get out of there. -Where's your brother? Vincent's in the States on business. That it? -Hey Daniel! Hello? Do you guys speak English? Uh, yeah. -Uh, yeah. Good. I have a job for you in America. -Thank you Marcel, for that... extremely redundant explanation. C'mon, Laurant, America? -C'mon, Laurant, America? The job is worth about two million euros. Pull this off and you and your crew could make some real money, Daniel. You leave tomorrow. -I thought I would accompany you to the airport to say bon voyage... and tell you that Marcel will be going with you. What? -What? This is a considerable move up for you, Daniel. The temptation of having so much money might be too much for you. -This is a considerable move up for you, Daniel. The temptation of having so much money might be too much for you. You don't trust me? -You don't trust me? I don't trust anyone. You don't get to the top of this game by trusting people... and after all, you are a thief. It's in your nature to steal. I'm just protecting my investment. -Hello? It's Daniel. -It's Daniel. Daniel. Listen I'm afraid there has been a big-- -Daniel. Listen I'm afraid there has been a big-- -- I've got the tapes. If you ever want to see your brother out of jail do exactly what I say. Bring one million euros to your boat at six o'clock. --- I've got the tapes. If you ever want to see your brother out of jail do exactly what I say. Bring one million euros to your boat at six o'clock. A million! I don't have that kind of money. -A million! I don't have that kind of money. Don't bullshit me, Laurant! I know about the Van Gogh. -Don't bullshit me, Laurant! I know about the Van Gogh. I don't have it. That's why Vincent went to Chicago. They arrested him before he could bring it back. -I don't have it. That's why Vincent went to Chicago. They arrested him before he could bring it back. Well, you better get the money somehow. Six o'clock and come alone. If you don't we'll destroy the tapes. -Good. I'm doing good. How you doin', Frankie? Good. I'm good. -Good. I'm good. Mr. Maranzano sends his warmest regards. -Mr. Maranzano sends his warmest regards. When you return please extend my regards to Mr. Maranzano and his family. -Can I offer you something. A drink? Coffee? No thank you. -No thank you. You sure? I just got a shipment of espresso from Sicily. Special blend. Can't find anything like it in the States. -You sure? I just got a shipment of espresso from Sicily. Special blend. Can't find anything like it in the States. I'm good. Really. -I'm good. Really. Okay. I understand you're interested in one of our properties? -Okay. I understand you're interested in one of our properties? Yeah. That warehouse over on Merchant Street. The volume on our import business has risen dramatically. The proceeds this quarter will be supernumerary due to the -- -Yeah. That warehouse over on Merchant Street. The volume on our import business has risen dramatically. The proceeds this quarter will be supernumerary due to the -- -- Super what? --- Super what? Supernumerary. It means better than expected. -Supernumerary. It means better than expected. Then why not just fuckin' say better than expected? Everybody knows what better than expected means. -Then why not just fuckin' say better than expected? Everybody knows what better than expected means. I'm taking a vocabulary course to enhance my communication skills. -I'm taking a vocabulary course to enhance my communication skills. Okay. How much? -Okay. How much? I'm not here to negotiate. -I'm not here to negotiate. Why are you here? -Why are you here? To tell you that we're interested in the property. -To tell you that we're interested in the property. You told me that on the phone. What the hell are you doing here? Showing off your communication skills? Go back to your people and tell them when they're serious to put a number on the table. -You told me that on the phone. What the hell are you doing here? Showing off your communication skills? Go back to your people and tell them when they're serious to put a number on the table. I will relay the particulars of our conversation to Mr. Maranzano. -I will relay the particulars of our conversation to Mr. Maranzano. Yeah -- you do that. -Frankie, come in. Good to see you. You want something? No, I'm good, Angelo. -I understand Bobby Beans came to see you today. Yeah. Seems Maranzano wants to talk about buying the Merchant Street warehouse. -Yeah. Seems Maranzano wants to talk about buying the Merchant Street warehouse. And? -And? And nothing. He's just feeling us out. -And nothing. He's just feeling us out. He's trying to get a foot hold in our territory. -He's trying to get a foot hold in our territory. He sticks his toes in the water again, we'll cut 'em off. -He sticks his toes in the water again, we'll cut 'em off. Business must be good if he can afford to buy up useless property. -Business must be good if he can afford to buy up useless property. I heard this quarter his profits are gonna be supernumerary. -They're gonna be what? Supernumerary. It means better than expected. -Supernumerary. It means better than expected. Good word. -Someone else coming? Nah, that's just Tony's way of telling me Judge Judy starts in ten minutes. You ever watch it? -Nah, that's just Tony's way of telling me Judge Judy starts in ten minutes. You ever watch it? Uh, no -- -Uh, no -- You should. You can learn a lot about the criminal justice system on a program like that. Very informative. Stay and watch it with me. -You should. You can learn a lot about the criminal justice system on a program like that. Very informative. Stay and watch it with me. You know, I'm kind of tired. I'm just gonna go home if it's all the same to you. -Oh Frankie, what's this I hear about your brother? He missed three weeks. -He missed three weeks. Your own brother? You couldn't send someone else to do it? -Your own brother? You couldn't send someone else to do it? "I did. Joey ""Two Tons"" and Nicky ""The Rake"" did the deed." -"I did. Joey ""Two Tons"" and Nicky ""The Rake"" did the deed." But you were there? -But you were there? Angelo, we live and die by the rules we make. We are men of honor, but honor without respect is a... horse-less carriage. -Why didn't you tell me about this? You have enough to worry about, Angelo. You don't need my problems. -They knew who you were when they broke in your house? Yes. -Yes. What is happening with the world? There was a time no civilian would touch a made man. Now every babbo in the world thinks he can get away with something. What did they take? -What is happening with the world? There was a time no civilian would touch a made man. Now every babbo in the world thinks he can get away with something. What did they take? Some cash. Jewelry. The other stuff I can replace, but there's a cardboard box... photos of my mother. They're the only ones I have of her. -Some cash. Jewelry. The other stuff I can replace, but there's a cardboard box... photos of my mother. They're the only ones I have of her. We're doing everything we can to find these people. Right Tony? -Either you are incredibly brave, or incredibly stupid. Which one is it? I guess we're going to find out. -I guess we're going to find out. You rob an associate of mine... a friend and-- -You rob an associate of mine... a friend and-- Not such a good friend. May I reach in my pocket? -I've got to tell you, Mr. Bonanno, This guy's an idiot. How he's lived this long is a mystery. I don't think it will be a mystery much longer. -I don't think it will be a mystery much longer. He's recorded every conversation he's had with you for years. -He's recorded every conversation he's had with you for years. I assume you want something? -I assume you want something? We've got a lot of people looking for us. We'd just like to go home. -We've got a lot of people looking for us. We'd just like to go home. You want me to help you get out of the country? -And for my help I would get what? Half the tapes. -Half the tapes. And the other half? -And the other half? I'll destroy them when we get back to Paris. -I'll destroy them when we get back to Paris. I only have your word for that. -I only have your word for that. I just want to get my people home. I know who you are and what you could do to me if I don't honor my word. -I just want to get my people home. I know who you are and what you could do to me if I don't honor my word. Where are you staying? -I only ask so I can call you when the arrangements are made. How about if I call you? -This plane will take you to Canada. From there you can fly back to Paris. Thank you. -Thank you. You have something for me? -Tonight? I know they won't be home tonight. -I don't know. If you think because you're a women this can't go hard on you, think again. -For what? Laurant and Vincent were in business with Zammito. -Laurant and Vincent were in business with Zammito. What kind of business? -What kind of business? Black market art. Zammito got to a few key security guards at the Metropolitan Museum. The Bastaldi's supplied the artists to make copies of famous works. They'd switch the paintings, send the originals to Paris and the Bastaldi's would sell them to private collectors. -You know what makes a good get away driver? Being able to get away! You're always pointing out my negative qualities. My analyst says positive reinforcement is a much more productive way of relating with people. -Not a good idea. Someone gets a license number and it all leads back to you. Raymond, you'll steal one. No problem. -Yeah. We just go home. We can't. -We can't. I agree with Marcel. I say we go to the airport and get on a plane. -No one has mentioned the part of the plan about us getting caught and going to prison. We're leaving. Raymond get the bag. -Forget the money! We've got bigger problems than the money right now. She probably hid it at her place. The six of us could find it in -- -Why not just steal another one? Too risky. We don't need to get pulled over because of a stolen car. -Get that, will you? Why do I always have to answer the phone? -Why do I always have to answer the phone? Because you're the closest. -Because you're the closest. I'm not any closer than you are. -Why is everything an argument with you? I'm just setting my boundaries. -Raymond, grab the tapes. We're leaving! Why do I have to pick up the tapes. -Why do I have to pick up the tapes. Jesus! -In English. Sami doesn't speak French. Where are you from? -Hopefully no one. No one? Then why is Zero here? -I just want you there in case there's trouble. And if there is, then Zero can kill someone? -And if there is, then Zero can kill someone? We'll see. -He said to go fuck yourself. We are tired and bored with your bullshit. So, put that stupid little knife away before Zero shoves it up your ass. -We are being watched. Daniel grabs the binoculars and looks. Cops? -Bastaldi's dead. He is fuckin' dead! You want Zero to kill him? -You want Zero to kill him? I'm going to kill him myself! -I'm going to kill him myself! What about the money? -Bring me the scissors. And the Vodka. -Cut his pants up the leg to the groin. And be careful when you get near the top. Zero has a very long one. -Turn on the flashlight. I'm trying. It doesn't work. -Do they come with batteries? You didn't buy batteries? -You didn't buy batteries? I thought they came with batteries. -I thought they came with batteries. I can't believe you didn't check. -I can't believe you didn't check. I bought everything you put on the list. Gloves. Pen knives. Flashlight. Batteries were not on the list. -I bought everything you put on the list. Gloves. Pen knives. Flashlight. Batteries were not on the list. Why should I have to put it on the list? It's like saying to buy a car with tires. -Sami, tomorrow you lift a wallet from someone who looks like one of us. What for? -What for? We need to rent a car and for that you need a credit card. -That's an excellent plan. Very comforting. We'll think of something. -Besides, we don't know the city and-- Mr. Bastaldi isn't asking you if you want to go. He's telling you you're going! And if he's telling you you're going to be going then you are going to go! -You think it's smart to tell him we're French? I think he's already figured that out. -That moron. It was an honest mistake. Ridgeway... Ridgeroad... Ridgeway Road. -It was an honest mistake. Ridgeway... Ridgeroad... Ridgeway Road. Everyone get some sleep. We're leaving in the morning. -The deal is whatever Mr. Bastaldi says it is. You know, if you could get your nose out of Bastaldi's ass for two seconds you might see what's going on around you. -Did you know about Bastaldi's deal with Zammito? No. -No. You're sure? -You're sure? "I think if he told me he was going to steal Van Gogh's ""Sunflowers in a vase"" I would remember it." -Fuck you! You know I'd never go along with something like this. Do I? -Do I? This ain't about that and you know it. This is about you never forgiving me for leaving the crew. -You call being Bastaldi's lap dog better? Better than spending my life crawling through windows in the middle of the night. -I'm not a guy who is known for his patience and right now you're testing mine. What is that a threat? Are you fuckin' threatening me, Marcel? -We had a chance to walk out of Zammito's house. We all agreed to it. You had no way of knowing Bastaldi was setting us up. -We all agreed to it. You had no way of knowing Bastaldi was setting us up. I just want to live long enough to get back to Paris. Just long enough to kill Bastaldi. -We still have to get out of here. Maybe if we gave the tapes back -- -This is Zero. Hi. I'm one and this is two, three, four and five. -After the outside alarm is off we go in through the bedroom window. Good. Zero and Julien will go in through the window and disable the motion detector. The rest of us will come in through the front door. -We've got to be careful not to use our real names while we're in here. Good idea. -Good idea. I'll be Elvis and you-- -It's not? That's Frankie Zammito. The Under boss of the Chicago Mafia. -How'd it go? I don't know. Daniel, how would you say it went? I would have to say... pretty fuckin' bad. You gave us the wrong address Sophie. -What's the big deal? It's not like I was on guard duty or something. You didn't think it was little suspicious that someone you only knew for a few hours wanted to sleep with you? -You didn't think it was little suspicious that someone you only knew for a few hours wanted to sleep with you? No. Chicks dig me. -They'll be waiting for us at the airport. You steal some money from a man he gets over it in time. But these tapes. He's never going to stop looking for us. -You steal some money from a man he gets over it in time. But these tapes. He's never going to stop looking for us. We have to find Sophie. -It makes sense. I mean, do you really think he would come along if he knew we were being set up? I think he'd cut his dick off if Bastaldi told him to. -All right, knock it off. All you are is a professional ass-kisser. -Hadley -- Has to be. -It's not your fault, Daniel. No? -Okay. Airports, train stations, bus station are out. We know they're connected to the car rental agencies because that's where they picked up Raymond. Even if we get out of town and go to another airport I'm sure the FBI and Chicago P.D. has alerted customs. -Hello? Get out of the room! You've got company coming up. I'll meet you at the Chevy. -What's he joking around for? He's been shot. He's been shot a lot. He's used to it. -Anybody hungry? What'd you get? -What'd you get? Some bread and... -What? Can I trust you, Sami? -Can I trust you, Sami? Hey, who warned you that they were coming up to the room? -Hey, who warned you that they were coming up to the room? If they had taken us by surprise they would have gotten the tapes back. That would have left us with nothing. -If they had taken us by surprise they would have gotten the tapes back. That would have left us with nothing. No, that would have left me with nothing because all of you would be dead. -No, that would have left me with nothing because all of you would be dead. You haven't answered my question. -You haven't answered my question. Does it really matter what I say? -Does it really matter what I say? I'm leaving you with my friends. I'm trusting you to do the right thing today. -I'm leaving you with my friends. I'm trusting you to do the right thing today. I will. -I will. You better. -Did you have to use that much explosive? I promised Bonanno I'd destroy the tapes. -I'll be right back. He gets out of the car and walks over to him. What do you want now? -What do you want now? Guns. Can you get them? -Guns. Can you get them? Man, I can get anything. -Man, I can get anything. Don't bullshit me. -Don't bullshit me. I ain't bullshittin'. I can get guns. I can get any kind of gun you want. But they ain't gonna help your sorry ass. You ain't been in town one day and already you got two of the toughest people in Chicago looking for you. How is that possible? -I ain't bullshittin'. I can get guns. I can get any kind of gun you want. But they ain't gonna help your sorry ass. You ain't been in town one day and already you got two of the toughest people in Chicago looking for you. How is that possible? I've got a way with people. -I've got a way with people. I can see that. The man's car you stole. Raphael Ruiz. He's head of the 19th Street gang and one crazy motherfucker. And Frankie Zammito's got the word out he's looking for some French dudes. You're French ain't ya? -I can see that. The man's car you stole. Raphael Ruiz. He's head of the 19th Street gang and one crazy motherfucker. And Frankie Zammito's got the word out he's looking for some French dudes. You're French ain't ya? I'm from Belgium. -I'm from Belgium. Yeah, I'd be from Belgium too if I was you. You know Zammito just put his own brother in the hospital? Broke his arm cause he was late on a debt. I mention this to illustrate the kind of people who are lookin' for you. -Yeah, I'd be from Belgium too if I was you. You know Zammito just put his own brother in the hospital? Broke his arm cause he was late on a debt. I mention this to illustrate the kind of people who are lookin' for you. Why haven't you turned us in? -Why haven't you turned us in? I ain't no rat. You got money, right? -And, uh, I'm going to have to charge you a commission... kind of like a brokerage fee. How much? -How much? A thousand dollars? -A thousand dollars? Fine. -Yeah? It's me. -It's me. Hey you guys are becoming famous. I was just watching the news and-- -Hey you guys are becoming famous. I was just watching the news and-- -- Did you set it up? --- Did you set it up? Yeah. All set. Tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock. Room 211. Barclay Hotel on River Street. Oh, and due to your recent notoriety and the heat that comes with it, I'm going to have to increase my brokerage fee to twenty five hundred. -Yeah. All set. Tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock. Room 211. Barclay Hotel on River Street. Oh, and due to your recent notoriety and the heat that comes with it, I'm going to have to increase my brokerage fee to twenty five hundred. We had a deal. -We had a deal. We had a deal before you and your friends became the new poster boys for crime. -We had a deal before you and your friends became the new poster boys for crime. Fine. Ten o'clock. -There's ten grand in here. It's yours. I'm going to call you again. There's one more thing I need you to do. What? -What? I'll tell you when it's time. -Okay, we're square now, right? There's just one more thing I need you to do. -Maybe you should call the police. Hey, idiot -- I've got stolen wheels and a stolen radio in the car. -Hey, idiot -- I've got stolen wheels and a stolen radio in the car. I just thought that-- -I just thought that-- -- Don't think. Okay? You're not good at it. --- you stole my cousin Enrique's car. Hector, don't interrupt me. -Hector, don't interrupt me. He told Enrique he didn't know anything about his car. -He told Enrique he didn't know anything about his car. I don't give a shit about your cousin's car. We're here about my car. So, shut your mouth! You think you can do that? You think you can keep your big mouth shut? -Tell me the truth Hector... do you think we'll find my car? Hard to say. -What'd I tell you? Huh, Vinny? What'd I tell you when you came to me for money? Didn't I ask you not to do it? Did I not say that? What'd I say to him? You said don't do it, boss. -You said don't do it, boss. That's right. I said don't do it. Did you listen to me? No. You wanted the money. So, I lent you twenty large. Now it's been three weeks and you ain't paid a dime. What do you think that makes me look like on the street? I don't do something to you and everyone will think they can skate. -Hey boss, it's not a science. Send some flowers. Something nice. Roses or carnations. And one of those get well soon cards. -They were all French guys. French guys? You mean like from France? -French guys? You mean like from France? Yeah, French guys from France. -Yeah, French guys from France. What'd they take? -What'd they take? Everything. -Everything. Everything? -Everything? Everything. -Everything. Boy, you must be pissed. -Boy, you must be pissed. Well, you know, when five guys break into my house in the middle of the night, stick guns in my face, tie me up and steal from me... it does irritate me. -Well, you know, when five guys break into my house in the middle of the night, stick guns in my face, tie me up and steal from me... it does irritate me. Well, I must say you're handling it very well. -Well, I must say you're handling it very well. You know why I'm handling it very well? Because you're going to get these guys for me. -You know why I'm handling it very well? Because you're going to get these guys for me. Okay boss. Where are they? -Okay boss. Where are they? If I knew where they were you wouldn't have to find them, would you? -If I knew where they were you wouldn't have to find them, would you? "You didn't say find them. You said, ""get them.""" -"You didn't say find them. You said, ""get them.""" Just find them! -Just find them! Okay boss. -But we ain't had nothing to eat all day boss. Oh, I'm sorry. -Can you believe that guy? What a moron. Good song though. -Good song though. Great fuckin' song. -What'd you guys find? Dead bodies. The ones in the Lincoln are your... associates. -Dead bodies. The ones in the Lincoln are your... associates. And the other car? -And the other car? Some French guy. At least that's what his passport said. You know Joey, I shouldn't be talking to you about this. -Some French guy. At least that's what his passport said. You know Joey, I shouldn't be talking to you about this. Are you forgetting who supplements your income? -Are you forgetting who supplements your income? No. It's just that the French guy had a gunshot wound on his neck. So, this is a homicide. Are you guys involved in this? -No. It's just that the French guy had a gunshot wound on his neck. So, this is a homicide. Are you guys involved in this? Yeah. I'll come down and make a full confession later. Right now, tell me what else you found? -Yeah. I'll come down and make a full confession later. Right now, tell me what else you found? A Wallet. A hotel room card. Some cash. -What hotel? The Holiday Hotel. -The Holiday Hotel. What room number? -What room number? I don't know. I didn't look. -I don't know. I didn't look. Go look. -The map said to go left. Yeah and if you turned it around it would say to go right. -Yeah and if you turned it around it would say to go right. Oh yeah. -There has to be. I'm telling you I've pulled out everything in the safe. There aren't any jewels. -I'm telling you I've pulled out everything in the safe. There aren't any jewels. There must be half a million dollars here though. -What do we do? I was told to take what we have and go. -I was told to take what we have and go. Go where? The police are outside. -They don't have a wine list. Oh, then we will have the house wine. -There's an exterior alarm system. There's also another one in the hall that leads to the bedroom with a motion detector. The control panel is in the bedroom. I can handle the exterior alarm, but the one in the bedroom is a problem. -What about transportation? You can use my car. -No, I didn't. Bastaldi got the address from you, yes? -Bastaldi got the address from you, yes? Yes. -Yes. And he gave it to us. 145 Ridgeway Road. -And he gave it to us. 145 Ridgeway Road. No. 145 Ridgeroad Way. -I'm Sami. Marcel sent me. What is it you do, Sami? -What is it you do, Sami? You know, a little of this, a little of that. I've boosted cars, stole radios, run a few scams. Right now I'm into pick-pocketing. -You know, a little of this, a little of that. I've boosted cars, stole radios, run a few scams. Right now I'm into pick-pocketing. I see. A master criminal. -I see. A master criminal. Hey, I was told to come here by Marcel. You guys don't want me, I'll be more than happy to leave. -They don't serve wine here. What kind of restaurant doesn't serve wine? -What kind of restaurant doesn't serve wine? This kind. -This kind. Okay. I will have a beer. -I don't know. Maybe if we did just leave -- C'mon, get real, will you. You think he's just going to forget about this? These guys are all about respect. All about honor. He's coming after us, so we might as well take the money. -No wonder Zammito didn't want us to walk out with this stuff. He's planning on killing Bonanno and taking over the family. This wasn't the deal! The deal was to steal a necklace, not get in the middle of a Mafia war. -"I knew this was a mistake! I knew it last night when you asked me to go along with this. I could hear that little voice in my head saying, ""don't do it! Don't you do it!"" Jesus, why don't I ever listen to myself?" Yeah, but you did do it. So let's deal with that. -This is bad. This is really fuckin' bad. Am I the only one who sees how bad this is? Hey, it's not your picture on the TV, it's mine. So, try to be cool. -Hey, it's not your picture on the TV, it's mine. So, try to be cool. Don't tell me to be cool! We were supposed to be in and out. In and out! In the last twenty four hours we've managed to get the Mafia... the FBI... the Chicago Police Department and a group of Latin gang members after us. I haven't left out anyone, have I? I don't think so, because we've already pissed off everyone in the fuckin' city! -Don't tell me to be cool! We were supposed to be in and out. In and out! In the last twenty four hours we've managed to get the Mafia... the FBI... the Chicago Police Department and a group of Latin gang members after us. I haven't left out anyone, have I? I don't think so, because we've already pissed off everyone in the fuckin' city! We've got to get out of here. -We've got to get out of here. That's brilliant! Care to elaborate? -Maybe I'm missing the obvious, but why aren't we leaving town? Any place has to be safer for us than Chicago. It doesn't matter where we go. Between Zammito and the FBI they'll find us. We have to end this here. -Oh, man... this is bullshit! You can't trust anyone these days. She took everything! Didn't even leave us cab fare. -I am not comfortable with this. I'm not a good liar. Relax. It will be fine. -I'll drive. I'm the driver. -I'm the driver. I've never driven a Cadillac before. -This is a car. I think this is the best American car I've ever driven. This is the only American car you've ever driven. -I knew I should have driven. Stop talking. I'm trying to concentrate. -When we get to the next corner jump out. I'm not going to leave you. -I'm not going to leave you. We both know I'm already dead. -A Black Panther was a member of an African American militant group in the sixties, Marcel. I think you're referring to The Pink Panther. Pink panther, black panther. Who gives a shit? And I don't remember asking you a God Damn thing, you little turd. -Pink panther, black panther. Who gives a shit? And I don't remember asking you a God Damn thing, you little turd. There's no reason to be abusive. You're projecting your anger on me as a defense mechanism. -There's no reason to be abusive. You're projecting your anger on me as a defense mechanism. What the hell is he talking about? -What the hell is he talking about? I'm talking about human beings communicating openly and honestly. -I'm talking about human beings communicating openly and honestly. How about getting on your knees and communicating with my dick? -No. How much? I don't know. It's gotta be millions. -How about Canada? What are we going to do, take a taxi? -Going somewhere? Oh, Marcel! I thought you were somebody else. If I knew it was you I would have never run. -Today's your lucky day, Sami. Yeah, I can see that. -Yeah, I can see that. Normally I'd be breaking your fingers right now, but I'm going to give you a chance to make enough to pay me back and have some extra for yourself. We have a group going to Chicago to do a job. You're going with them. -Normally I'd be breaking your fingers right now, but I'm going to give you a chance to make enough to pay me back and have some extra for yourself. We have a group going to Chicago to do a job. You're going with them. Me? -Me? You lived there. You know the city. -You lived there. You know the city. I've still got a few legal problems back in the States. --- I want to be Elvis. It's my idea. -It's my idea. C'mon, I look more like Elvis than you do. -C'mon, I look more like Elvis than you do. Okay. You can be Elvis. -We have a problem. Problem isn't the right word. Dilemma. No that really doesn't describe -- Do you know who that is? Mr. Taylor? -Mr. Taylor? No, that's not Mr. Taylor. -"""Vase with twelve Sunflowers.""" Whatever! He never told me about the Van Gogh or any of the other paintings. -You guys used to work together? Yeah and he can't stand it that I tried to do something to better myself. -It's good. God, I want to go home. -God, I want to go home. Hey, you know you can't this in France. -This is great. After everything we've been through we've got eight hundred euros and an autographed baseball. The baseball is mine. -The baseball is mine. No! You can't have the baseball! You're not entitled to the fuckin' baseball! -Fine. All of you want to be angry? Be angry... but I'm the one who took the ball and that makes it mine. No. -No. Give it to me, Sami. -Give it to me, Sami. No! -How's my brother? He's over at St. James. They had to put two pins in his arm. -He's over at St. James. They had to put two pins in his arm. I said a clean break. -Who is closer to the wall, Joey or me? Get in the car. -Get in the car. Just tell me who's closer to the wall? -What happened? They sort of got away. -They sort of got away. "I see. Well, get back out on the street and find them before I ""sort of"" kill you." -Anybody know about that car outside? Yeah. It's mine. -Yeah. It's mine. No. It's mine. -No. It's mine. The hell it is. -The hell it is. I'm telling you that's my car! And someone's gonna pay for it! -I'm telling you that's my car! And someone's gonna pay for it! And I'm tellin' you it ain't! Now, turn your taco-eating ass around and get the hell out of here. -And I'm tellin' you it ain't! Now, turn your taco-eating ass around and get the hell out of here. Fuck you, grease-ball! -Fuck you, grease-ball! Fuck me? Fuck you! -Mr. Zammito? Uh huh. -Uh huh. I represent a person who wishes to remain anonymous, but is aware of your current financial problems with your brother. -I represent a person who wishes to remain anonymous, but is aware of your current financial problems with your brother. I don't know what you're talking about. -I don't know what you're talking about. I understand. The person who sent me wishes to help you. -I understand. The person who sent me wishes to help you. How? -How? You see that car? -Yeah. It's yours. A gift. A gift you could give to your brother... or anyone you owe money to as partial payment. -It's yours. A gift. A gift you could give to your brother... or anyone you owe money to as partial payment. No shit? -No shit? The papers for the car will arrive tomorrow. -I am Raymond. Thank you for allowing us to stay here. No problem, man. Hey, you wanna hit? -No problem, man. Hey, you wanna hit? No thank you. -Oh, Pepe Le Pew. He is very funny and quite well known in France. Yeah, I dig him. -Yeah, I dig him. Although a cartoon I feel he shares a universal theme: We are all searching for love. No? -How are we going to do that? I know where she went. -I would like to thank you for your hospitality. If you are ever in Paris here is my number. Cool. -He speaks about himself in the third person? Feel free to correct him if you want. -I'm glad you didn't get something flashy. Watch this. -I think we went the wrong way. Oh, you think? -Holy shit. What? -How do we know what room she's in? Wait here. -The money isn't here. Where is it, Sophie? -I said knock it off! Now as far as I'm concerned you two girls can bitch slap yourselves silly when this is over, but right now we've got to figure out what's going on. It's simple. Bastaldi's moving up. He's closing down his operation and this is his way of saying thanks to all of us. -You're not helping. Julien, what you're doing right now is a very normal psychological reaction to stress. You're projecting your anger onto us. -I say we make him pay first. After that you can do whatever you want to him. "He's right. Do you have any idea what Van Gogh's ""Vase with twelve Sunflowers"" is worth?" -The new Beaujolais' come out in France next week. You like wine? I'm more of a whiskey drinker myself. -I'm more of a whiskey drinker myself. J&B? -J&B? Glenmorangie. -Glenmorangie. Glenmorangie is very good. -Algeria. And you don't speak French? -And you don't speak French? Well, you know, not all Algerians speak French. It's a matter of what school you went too. Me I never really -- -Well, you know, not all Algerians speak French. It's a matter of what school you went too. Me I never really -- -- Zero isn't interested in your life story. Who gets killed? -You put a loaded gun in your bag and brought it through customs? How stupid is that? Zero did not put it in his bag. He put it in yours. -I can't even hear myself think. How are we supposed to sleep with this noise? -They send us to Zammito's house. The FBI is right across the street watching the whole thing, but they don't move. A crime is going down and they don't move. Why? Because they were waiting for us to come out so they could arrest us. What does arresting us get them? -What does arresting us get them? You wanna tell him? -It has to be at Sophie's. She didn't have time to go anywhere else before she came here. We don't know that for sure. -And how do we do that? I don't know. -They killed our friend. It's personal now. Besides, if we do that, then Julien died for nothing. The tapes are the key. He's right. The tapes give us leverage with Bastaldi. -I wasn't expecting this many of you. I've got a few sleeping bags you can use. Thanks. -When do we go? Tonight. -You ever hear of jet lag? Take a nap. -You like shoes? No, I like the bag. It would be good for the job tonight. -No, I like the bag. It would be good for the job tonight. It belongs to Vincent Bastaldi. He left it last time he was here. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you used it. -So, how did you get hooked up with these guys? Just lucky I guess. How'd you start working for the Bastaldi's? -Just lucky I guess. How'd you start working for the Bastaldi's? The art world doesn't fully appreciate my talent yet. I needed some way to pay the rent. Laurant and Vincent pay well for information. -The art world doesn't fully appreciate my talent yet. I needed some way to pay the rent. Laurant and Vincent pay well for information. So you arranged to have the people you worked for robbed? -So you arranged to have the people you worked for robbed? They're not nice people. -Casandra. Old girlfriend? Something like that. -Something like that. Did she break your heart? -Did she break your heart? Something like that. -Something like that. It looks old. Did you get it a long time ago? -It looks old. Did you get it a long time ago? You ask a lot of questions. -You ask a lot of questions. That's how you get to know someone. Did it hurt when you got it? -That's how you get to know someone. Did it hurt when you got it? I don't remember. I was drunk. -I don't remember. I was drunk. You got it in a bar? -You got it in a bar? No. I got it in prison. I went in for three years. When I came out she was married to my best friend. Happy? -No. I got it in prison. I went in for three years. When I came out she was married to my best friend. Happy? Sorry. I didn't mean to pry. -Sorry. I didn't mean to pry. It's okay. It was a long time ago. -It's okay. It was a long time ago. I've been thinking about getting tattoo. You know, a flower or something. On my ass. -Who's gonna see it there? The lucky ones. -Can't sleep? No. -No. I'm sorry things went so wrong today. -I'm sorry things went so wrong today. It's not your fault. -What are you doing? I thought I'd listen to some of the tapes. See what's so important that a mob guy has to lock it away in his safe. -I thought I'd listen to some of the tapes. See what's so important that a mob guy has to lock it away in his safe. Sounds boring. -Sounds boring. It's three in the morning. Not much else to do. -I really thought we had something special going. I can't tell you what a disappointment you've turned out to be. After last night I could say the same for you. -Who are you waiting for? Stick around and find out. -Why? Vincent Bastaldi is in jail. -Frankie, I -- -- Shut up! Don't you try to make me feel bad about this. You knew what would happen to you if you didn't pay. This is on your head, not mine. Break his arm. -Jesus, Frankie, I'm your brother! That's why we're only breaking one arm. -She seems pleasant enough. She doesn't know. She thinks I fell down the stairs. -She doesn't know. She thinks I fell down the stairs. That's good. That's what a stand-up guy does. -So, I just come by to see how you're doin'? You broke my arm. How the hell do you think I'm doin'? -You broke my arm. How the hell do you think I'm doin'? Yeah. I mean besides that. They treating you all right? Food okay? -Yeah. I mean besides that. They treating you all right? Food okay? Yeah. I'm going home today. What do you want, Frankie? -Yeah. I'm going home today. What do you want, Frankie? I don't want anything. I just wanted to say... that I may have... overreacted a little the other day. -I don't want anything. I just wanted to say... that I may have... overreacted a little the other day. A little? -A little? Yeah. I mean, you are my brother and... well I should have found another way of expressing my disappointment. So, I've decided to make it up to you. -Yeah. I mean, you are my brother and... well I should have found another way of expressing my disappointment. So, I've decided to make it up to you. You gonna forget about the money I owe you? -You gonna forget about the money I owe you? What are you nuts? A debt is a debt. I was thinking I'd throw a little extra work your way. You know, you come down to the club, make espresso for the boys... wash their cars... run some errands... things like that. -What's this? A car. -A car. Oh really? Thanks. I thought it was a sewing machine. What the hell is it doing here? -Oh really? Thanks. I thought it was a sewing machine. What the hell is it doing here? It's for you. -It's for you. For me? What am I going to do with a piece of shit like this? -For me? What am I going to do with a piece of shit like this? I don't know. Sell it. It's gotta be worth something. Someone gave it to me. C'mon Frankie, I'm trying to make good here. -I don't know. Sell it. It's gotta be worth something. Someone gave it to me. C'mon Frankie, I'm trying to make good here. Okay. Okay. -Okay. Okay. I'll get you the papers tomorrow. -You're back! How's the arm? Still sore? -How's the arm? Still sore? Much better. You've been gone so long. -Much better. You've been gone so long. Li Mu Bai is coming to stay the night. -Li Mu Bai is coming to stay the night. I'll go and make up his room! -She's crazy. You should have killed her. I didn't have the heart. -I didn't have the heart. Well, Li Mu Bai can do it. -Who are you? Wait! I'm a friend! -I don't care about your sword. Why were you spying on the Yus? -Why were you spying on the Yus? I'm looking for someone. Jade Fox. I'm a police inspector from Shaan Xi, Gen Su district. Jade Fox is a master criminal. I hear she infiltrated the Yus. She must have come with them when they transferred here. But with Yu's reputation, I can't just go in and accuse her. -I'm looking for someone. Jade Fox. I'm a police inspector from Shaan Xi, Gen Su district. Jade Fox is a master criminal. I hear she infiltrated the Yus. She must have come with them when they transferred here. But with Yu's reputation, I can't just go in and accuse her. This Jade Fox is a woman? -This Jade Fox is a woman? Yes. -Yes. Then leave her to me. -Then leave her to me. Pardon me, but I doubt you can handle her. My wife was quite a martial arts expert. Jade Fox killed her. So you see, this is personal. Leave her to me. -Isn't it a bit too late to be out? You've brought me the sword? I do as I please. -Where's your master? What's it to you? -Do you think you are a real master? Like most things, I am nothing. It's the same for this sword. All of it is simply a state of mind. -Like most things, I am nothing. It's the same for this sword. All of it is simply a state of mind. Stop talking like a monk! Just fight! -Stop talking like a monk! Just fight! Then tell me where Jade Fox is. -Then tell me where Jade Fox is. On guard! -On guard! Real sharpness comes without effort. -Go ahead. Why should I? You need practice. I can teach you to fight with the Green Destiny, but first you must learn to hold it in stillness. -Why should I? You need practice. I can teach you to fight with the Green Destiny, but first you must learn to hold it in stillness. Why do you want to teach me? -Why do you want to teach me? I've always wanted a disciple worthy of Wudan's secrets. -I've always wanted a disciple worthy of Wudan's secrets. And if I use them to kill you? -And if I use them to kill you? That's a risk I'm willing to take. Deep down, you're good. Even Jade Fox couldn't corrupt you. -Who are you? Why is the Green Destiny in your possession? What's it to you? -What's it to you? "My name is Li Mu Bai. The Green Destiny is mine. Jade Fox can't be your master. Where did you learn that ""Xuan Piu"" move?" -"My name is Li Mu Bai. The Green Destiny is mine. Jade Fox can't be your master. Where did you learn that ""Xuan Piu"" move?" I'm just playing around. -I'm just playing around. Tell me, who is your master? -Tell me, who is your master? Let's go! -You're home late... or should I say early? Why are you still here? You killed a policeman. You should leave! You'll bring ruin on my whole family. -Why are you still here? You killed a policeman. You should leave! You'll bring ruin on my whole family. They wouldn't have found me if you hadn't stolen the sword. Like a little girl, you thought stealing would be fun? You, too, are responsible for that death. Come with me. You don't want to waste your life as the wife of some bureaucrat. Denied your talent... As a master and disciple we will rule. -They wouldn't have found me if you hadn't stolen the sword. Like a little girl, you thought stealing would be fun? You, too, are responsible for that death. Come with me. You don't want to waste your life as the wife of some bureaucrat. Denied your talent... As a master and disciple we will rule. I'll never live as a thief! -I'll never live as a thief! You're already a thief. -You're already a thief. That was just for fun. How can I leave? Where would I go? -That was just for fun. How can I leave? Where would I go? Wherever we want. We'll get rid of anyone in our way. Even your father. -Wherever we want. We'll get rid of anyone in our way. Even your father. Shut up! -Shut up! It's the Giang Hu fighter lifestyle... kill or be killed. Exciting, isn't it? -It's the Giang Hu fighter lifestyle... kill or be killed. Exciting, isn't it? I owe you nothing. -I owe you nothing. Yes, you do! You are still my disciple. -You think you've been teaching me all these years from the manual? You couldn't even decipher the symbols! I studied the diagrams. But you hid the details! -I studied the diagrams. But you hid the details! You wouldn't have understood, even if I had tried to explain. You know... you've gone as far as you can go. I hid my skills so as not to hurt you. -You wouldn't have understood, even if I had tried to explain. You know... you've gone as far as you can go. I hid my skills so as not to hurt you. If I hadn't seen you fight with Li Mu Bai, I'd still be ignorant of all you've hidden from me. -If I hadn't seen you fight with Li Mu Bai, I'd still be ignorant of all you've hidden from me. Master... I started learning from you in secret when I was 10. You enchanted me with the world of Giang Hu. But once I realized I could surpass you, I became so frightened! Everything fell apart. I had no one to guide me, no one to learn from. -Master... I started learning from you in secret when I was 10. You enchanted me with the world of Giang Hu. But once I realized I could surpass you, I became so frightened! Everything fell apart. I had no one to guide me, no one to learn from. Believe me, I've a lesson or two left to teach you! -Hello. What is your name? Long. -In that case, perhaps we could be of assistance. Don't bother. -Don't bother. You don't seem to understand. -You don't seem to understand. So what if I don't? -Are you related to Li Mu Bai? He is my defeated foe! -Please sit. I've made you silk pajamas. Do you want to change into them? -I've made you silk pajamas. Do you want to change into them? Put them down. -Put them down. I heard you met Shu Lien today. -I heard you met Shu Lien today. Do you know her? -Do you know her? She's one of those. Your mother would not want you consorting with her kind. -I'll socialize with whomever I please. Don't invite danger into your father's house. -I'm tired now. Go to bed then. Miss has grown up, and is getting married soon. God knows what the future will bring. -Go to bed then. Miss has grown up, and is getting married soon. God knows what the future will bring. It will be just the same. Enough! I'm tired. -It will be just the same. Enough! I'm tired. Autumn is coming. I'll shut the windows for you. -This spells trouble. I have a guest. -It's heavy for such a thin piece of metal! The handle is heavy. And the blade is no ordinary metal. Still, the sword is the lightest of weapons. You're just not used to handling it. -The handle is heavy. And the blade is no ordinary metal. Still, the sword is the lightest of weapons. You're just not used to handling it. But I have had much practice. As a child in the West, a platoon lived with us. They'd let me play with their weapons. The scabbard is so beautiful. -But I have had much practice. As a child in the West, a platoon lived with us. They'd let me play with their weapons. The scabbard is so beautiful. Beautiful but dangerous. Once you see it tainted with blood, its beauty is hard to admire. It's 400 years old. -Beautiful but dangerous. Once you see it tainted with blood, its beauty is hard to admire. It's 400 years old. Exquisite! You said it belongs to... -Exquisite! You said it belongs to... My friend Li Mu Bai. He's given it to Sir Te as a gift. -My friend Li Mu Bai. He's given it to Sir Te as a gift. Li Mu Bai! The famous warrior? Why would he give his sword to Sir Te? -Li Mu Bai! The famous warrior? Why would he give his sword to Sir Te? You're too young to understand. -You're too young to understand. You're a sword fighter too? -Yes, I am. But I prefer the machete. Certain moves, however, call for a sword. Really? -It must be exciting to be a fighter, to be totally free! Fighters have rules too: friendship, trust, integrity... Without rules, we wouldn't survive for long. -Fighters have rules too: friendship, trust, integrity... Without rules, we wouldn't survive for long. I've read all about people like you. Roaming wild, beating up anyone who gets in your way! -I've read all about people like you. Roaming wild, beating up anyone who gets in your way! Writers wouldn't sell many books if they told how it really is. -Writers wouldn't sell many books if they told how it really is. But you're just like the characters in the stories. -But you're just like the characters in the stories. Sure. No place to bathe for days, sleeping in flea-infested beds... They tell you all about that in those books? -Sure. No place to bathe for days, sleeping in flea-infested beds... They tell you all about that in those books? You know what I mean. I'm getting married soon, but I haven't lived the life I want. -You know what I mean. I'm getting married soon, but I haven't lived the life I want. So I heard. Congratulations. It's the most important step in a woman's life, isn't it? -So I heard. Congratulations. It's the most important step in a woman's life, isn't it? You're not married, are you? -You're not married, are you? What do you think? -What do you think? No! You couldn't roam around freely if you were. -No! You couldn't roam around freely if you were. You're probably right. -I've missed you. How so? -How so? I'm bored. -You're doing calligraphy? I'll write your name. Just for fun. -You write gracefully. Calligraphy is so similar to fencing. Maybe it is. I wouldn't know. -Please. Thank you for seeing me. I hear your wedding day is near. You must be overwhelmed by the preparations. -Thank you for seeing me. I hear your wedding day is near. You must be overwhelmed by the preparations. I'm hardly doing a thing. The less I think of it the better. My parents are arranging everything. The Gous are a very powerful family. My marrying one will be good for my father's career. -I'm hardly doing a thing. The less I think of it the better. My parents are arranging everything. The Gous are a very powerful family. My marrying one will be good for my father's career. You are fornuate to marry into such a noble family. -You are fornuate to marry into such a noble family. Am I? I wish I were like the heroes in the books I read. Like you and Li Mu Bai. I guess I'm happy to be marrying. But to be free to live my own life, to choose whom I love... That is true happiness. -Am I? I wish I were like the heroes in the books I read. Like you and Li Mu Bai. I guess I'm happy to be marrying. But to be free to live my own life, to choose whom I love... That is true happiness. Do you think so? Let me tell you a story. -Do you think so? Let me tell you a story. About you and Li Mu Bai? -About you and Li Mu Bai? Yes. Did you know I was once engaged to be married? -Yes. Did you know I was once engaged to be married? No, really? -No, really? His name was Meng Si Zhao. He was a brother to Li Mu Bai by oath. One day, while in battle, he was killed by the sword of Li Mu Bai's enemy. After, Li Mu Bai and I went through a lot together. Our feelings for each other grew stronger. But how could we dishonor Meng's memory? So the freedom you talk about, I too desire it. But I have never tasted it. -His name was Meng Si Zhao. He was a brother to Li Mu Bai by oath. One day, while in battle, he was killed by the sword of Li Mu Bai's enemy. After, Li Mu Bai and I went through a lot together. Our feelings for each other grew stronger. But how could we dishonor Meng's memory? So the freedom you talk about, I too desire it. But I have never tasted it. Too bad for Meng, but it's not your fault, or Li Mu Bai's. -Too bad for Meng, but it's not your fault, or Li Mu Bai's. I am not an aristocrat, as you are... but I must still respect a woman's duties. -I am not an aristocrat, as you are... but I must still respect a woman's duties. Don't distance us. From now on, let's be like sisters. -Don't distance us. From now on, let's be like sisters. Then as a sister, let me wish you happiness in your marriage. -You say she killed a policeman? Yes, from the West. He went undercover and and followed her here, -Here you must be in proper attire. I'm just borrowing some clean clothes. I'm not staying. -I'm just borrowing some clean clothes. I'm not staying. I'll give them to you. -I'll give them to you. I was just passing by and wondered how you were. -You, sister... Look at the trouble you've caused. Now you know what Giang Hu life is really like. If you think of me as your sister, let me give you some sisterly advice. You can run from marriage, but not your parents. -Look at the trouble you've caused. Now you know what Giang Hu life is really like. If you think of me as your sister, let me give you some sisterly advice. You can run from marriage, but not your parents. They forced me to marry! -They forced me to marry! Go back to them first. Then you can decide about Lo. -Go back to them first. Then you can decide about Lo. You know about Lo? -You know about Lo? He really loves you. Come back to Peking with me. We'll find a solution. -He really loves you. Come back to Peking with me. We'll find a solution. Where is he now? -Where is he now? Li Mu Bai has made arrangements. He sent him to Wudan Mountain. -Li Mu Bai has made arrangements. He sent him to Wudan Mountain. You're working together to set me up! I'm leaving! -You're working together to set me up! I'm leaving! How dare you accuse us? I always knew you had stolen the sword! I've done nothing but protect you and your family. And you're repaid me with nothing but contempt. Li Mu Bai himself spared you, and all you do is insult him. We wanted some peace and you've ruined it all! You're no sister of mine! -How dare you accuse us? I always knew you had stolen the sword! I've done nothing but protect you and your family. And you're repaid me with nothing but contempt. Li Mu Bai himself spared you, and all you do is insult him. We wanted some peace and you've ruined it all! You're no sister of mine! What do I care? You were never a real friend anyway. But I wonder, how long could you last as my enemy? -Don't touch it! That's Li Mu Bai's sword. Come and get it if you can. -Come and get it if you can. Without the Green Destiny, you are nothing. -Without the Green Destiny, you are nothing. Don't be a sore loser. Go ahead. Take your pick. I'll wait. Go ahead. -You can't die! Tell us what poison you used! You can't die! Tell us the antidote! You can't let Li Mu Bai die! She used Purple Yin... Purple Yin poison. It goes straight to the heart. -Take my horse and go to the compound. Give this to Mrs. Wu. She'll help you. Hurry! Spare your energy. I'll be back! -Stop it! You don't deserve the Green Destiny. Not another lecture! On guard! -Not another lecture! On guard! Let's end this here. -Let's end this here. Only the sword will settle this. -What do you want? What I've always wanted, to teach you. -What I've always wanted, to teach you. All right. If you can take back the sword in three moves, I'll go with you. -Give it back! Kneel! -Kneel! Never! -Never! Then you have no use for the sword. -The antidote exists. She taught it to me. The formula is simple, but it takes time to prepare. Trust me. As you have helped me, let me help you. All right. Hurry. I will hold on as long as I can. -Lo? Jen! -You shouldn't have come. With all the traffic on your rooftop these days... it took me a while to get in here. I can't wait any longer. I was wrong to let you go. Come back with me. You'll be happy in the desert. You'll be free there. -Let's stop a moment. Give it back! -Give it back! You're tired. You need rest. Your horse needs water. There's a creek up here. -Well, there used to be! What's your name? I'm Lo. The Hans call me Dark Cloud. I'm not that tall or big, but I'm quick as lightning. My comb! -You've got quite a temper. It's better this way. You coward! -You coward! Still in a bad mood? At least you're speaking. What's your name? -No more hitting on the head! All this trouble for a comb? It's mine. It means a lot to me. A barbarian like you wouldn't understand. -It's mine. It means a lot to me. A barbarian like you wouldn't understand. Not true. I can use it to pick fleas from my horse. -Not true. I can use it to pick fleas from my horse. By the way, I'm a real Manchurian. -By the way, I'm a real Manchurian. I'm sorry... I guessed wrong. I though you were a Han. -I'm sorry... I guessed wrong. I though you were a Han. Give me back my comb. -Give me back my comb. I don't take orders from anyone. -I don't take orders from anyone. Give it back. -When I was a boy, one night, I saw a thousand shooting stars. I thought, where did they all go? I'm an orphan. I used to look for stars alone. I thought if I rode to the other end of the desert, I'd find them. I've been riding in the desert ever since. And so, the little boy became a fearsome bandit. He couldn't find the stars, so he stole my comb. -Out here, you always fight for survival. You have to be part of a gang to stand a chance. Slowly, your gang becomes your family. All that Dark Cloud stuff is just to scare people and make my life easier. So you're still that little boy looking for shooting stars. -So you're still that little boy looking for shooting stars. I am a man. And now I've found the brightest star of all. -Your father's men are still looking for you. They're still out there, circling closer. Let them look. -Let them look. It is trouble for me. -Don't send me back! "You must decide. You might get tired of this life. You might begin to miss your family. If it were our daughter, we'd look for her too. She would miss us. Jen... I want you to be mine forever. I will make my mark on the world. I will earn your parents' respect. We have a legend. Anyone who dares to jump from the mountain, God will grant his wish. Long ago, a young man's parents were ill, so he jumped. He didn't die. He wasn't even hurt. He floated away, far away, never to return. He knew his wish had come true. If you believe, it will happen. The elders say, ""A faithful heart makes wishes come true.""" -Keep it safe. Return it to me when we are together again. I will. -I will. If you don't, I'll come after you. And I won't let you off so easy. -Go. Jen... -Jen... Don't ever come back. -Do you remember the legend of the young man? """A faithful heart makes wishes come true.""" -"""A faithful heart makes wishes come true.""" Make a wish, Lo. -Mu Bai...It's been too long. It has. How's business? -It has. How's business? Good. And how are you? -Good. And how are you? Fine. -Monk Zheng said you were at Wudan Mountain. He said you were practicing deep meditation. Yes. -Yes. The mountain must be so peaceful... I envy you. My work keeps me so busy, I hardly get any rest. -The mountain must be so peaceful... I envy you. My work keeps me so busy, I hardly get any rest. I left the training early. -I left the training early. Why? You're a Wudan fighter. Training is everything. -Why? You're a Wudan fighter. Training is everything. During my meditation training... I came to a place of deep silence... I was surrounded by light... Time and space disappeared. I had come to a place my master had never told me about. -During my meditation training... I came to a place of deep silence... I was surrounded by light... Time and space disappeared. I had come to a place my master had never told me about. You were enlightened? -You were enlightened? No. I didn't feel the bliss of enlightenment. Instead... I was surrounded by an endless sorrow. I couldn't bear it. I broke off my meditation. I couldn't go on. There was something... pulling me back. -No. I didn't feel the bliss of enlightenment. Instead... I was surrounded by an endless sorrow. I couldn't bear it. I broke off my meditation. I couldn't go on. There was something... pulling me back. What was it? -What was it? Something I can't let go of. You are leaving soon? -Something I can't let go of. You are leaving soon? We're preparing a convoy for a delivery to Peking. -We're preparing a convoy for a delivery to Peking. Perhaps I could ask you to deliver something to Sir Te for me. -The Green Destiny Sword? You're giving it to Sir Te? I am. He has always been our greatest protector. -I am. He has always been our greatest protector. I don't understand. How can you part with it? It has always been with you. -I don't understand. How can you part with it? It has always been with you. Too many men have died at its edge. It only looks pure because blood washes so easily from its blade. -Too many men have died at its edge. It only looks pure because blood washes so easily from its blade. You use it justly, you're worthy of it. -You use it justly, you're worthy of it. It's time for me to leave it behind. -It's time for me to leave it behind. So what will you do now? -Come with me to Peking. You can give the sword to Sir Te yourself. It'll be just like old times. First I must visit my master's grave. It's been many years since Jade Fox murdered him. I have yet to avenge his death. And yet I'm thinking of quitting. I must pray for his forgiveness. -First I must visit my master's grave. It's been many years since Jade Fox murdered him. I have yet to avenge his death. And yet I'm thinking of quitting. I must pray for his forgiveness. Join me once you have finished. I can wait for you in Peking. -Join me once you have finished. I can wait for you in Peking. Perhaps. -Sir Te believes it's a ploy cast suspicion on Governor Yu. But something is going on at the Yu household. -But something is going on at the Yu household. What have you discovered? -Jade Fox? Impossible. You always suspected she'd fled to the West. -You always suspected she'd fled to the West. I didn't think she'd dare come back to Peking! -I didn't think she'd dare come back to Peking! Is there any place safer than under the nose of Governor Yu? -Is there any place safer than under the nose of Governor Yu? So I shall avenge my master's death after all. -So I shall avenge my master's death after all. Be careful. Sir Te requires discretion. Official business is difficult enough. Don't let personal feelings make it worse. And I don't know... even this poster... could be some sort of trap. -Be careful. Sir Te requires discretion. Official business is difficult enough. Don't let personal feelings make it worse. And I don't know... even this poster... could be some sort of trap. Did you see who posted it? -No. It says Jade Fox is hiding at Yu's. On the night of the theft there was a brawl near Yu's. Were you involved? -It says Jade Fox is hiding at Yu's. On the night of the theft there was a brawl near Yu's. Were you involved? It was Bo, Sir Te's man. I hear he followed the thief to the Yus'. -It was Bo, Sir Te's man. I hear he followed the thief to the Yus'. Have you questioned him yet? -Have you questioned him yet? No, not yet... -No, not yet... But your men are watching over Yu's compund? -But your men are watching over Yu's compund? No, I'd already sent them home. You can blame me for losing the sword, but please trust that I'll get it back soon using my own methods. -No, I'd already sent them home. You can blame me for losing the sword, but please trust that I'll get it back soon using my own methods. That's not what I meant. I don't care about the sword. -That's not what I meant. I don't care about the sword. What do you mean? Didn't you come back here for it? -What do you mean? Didn't you come back here for it? I don't know it was stolen until I got here. -I don't know it was stolen until I got here. Then, why did you come? -Then, why did you come? Well, we had talked... -I admit, getting it back makes me realize how much I'd missed it. But it's not your sword anymore. You gave it to Sir Te. -But it's not your sword anymore. You gave it to Sir Te. True. But I must borrow it for one last mission. Jade Fox must die at its edge. Did you know what you were hiding when you covered for that girl? -True. But I must borrow it for one last mission. Jade Fox must die at its edge. Did you know what you were hiding when you covered for that girl? My job was to get the sword back, without embarassing anyone. I wasn't about to ruin her life, or her father's. -My job was to get the sword back, without embarassing anyone. I wasn't about to ruin her life, or her father's. You did your job well. But, this girl... I saw her last night. -You did your job well. But, this girl... I saw her last night. I knew she would intrigue you. -I knew she would intrigue you. She needs direction... and training. -She needs direction... and training. She's an aristocrat's daughter. She's not one of us. In any case, it will all be over soon. You'll kill Fox, and she'll marry. -She's an aristocrat's daughter. She's not one of us. In any case, it will all be over soon. You'll kill Fox, and she'll marry. That's not for her. She should come to Wudan and become a disciple. -That's not for her. She should come to Wudan and become a disciple. But Wudan does not accept women. -But Wudan does not accept women. For her, they might make an exception. If not, I'm afraid she'll become a poisoned dragon. -For her, they might make an exception. If not, I'm afraid she'll become a poisoned dragon. It's not our affair. Even if Wudan accepts her, her husband might object. -It's not our affair. Even if Wudan accepts her, her husband might object. I thought by giving away the sword, I could escape the Giang Hu world. But the cycle of bloodshed continues. -I thought by giving away the sword, I could escape the Giang Hu world. But the cycle of bloodshed continues. I wish there were something more I could do to help you. -I wish there were something more I could do to help you. Just be patient with me, Shu Lien. -You think Jade Fox will show up? She's out there, but I doubt she'll show herself. We'll keep our eyes open. Sooner or later, she'll come for the girl. -Don't you want to see her again. All right. I'll write you an introduction. Take it to Wudan. Wait there for news from me. -Shu Lien... The things we touch have no permanence. My master would say... there is nothing we can hold on to in this world. Only by letting go can we truly possess what is real. Not everything is an illusion. My hand... wasn't that real? -Not everything is an illusion. My hand... wasn't that real? Your hand, rough and callused from machete practice... All this time, I've never had the courage to touch it. -Giang Hu is a world of tigers and dragons, full of corruption... I tried sincerely to give it up but I have brought us only trouble. To repress one's feelings only makes them stronger. -To repress one's feelings only makes them stronger. You're right, but I don't know what to do. I want to be with you... just like this. It gives me a sense of peace. -We're close to your headquarters. Go home and check in. What about you? -What about you? I'll look around and catch up later. -I'll look around and catch up later. Not a bad idea. Tonight we'll get a good night's sleep at headquarters. -What happened? Jade Fox drugged her. How did you get here? -Jade Fox drugged her. How did you get here? We followed Jade Fox. -My blood will soon reverse its flow. It's the same poison she used to kill my master. There is no antidote. That can't be! Everything has an antithesis! Why not this? -Mu Bai, hold on. Give me some hope... Shu Lien... -Shu Lien... Save your strength. -Save your strength. My life is departing. I've only one breath left. -My life is departing. I've only one breath left. Use it to meditate. Free yourself from this world as you have been taught. Let your soul rise to eternity with your last breath. Do not waste it... for me. -Use it to meditate. Free yourself from this world as you have been taught. Let your soul rise to eternity with your last breath. Do not waste it... for me. I've already wasted my whole life. I want to tell you with my last breath... I have always loved you. I would rather be a ghost, drifting by your side... as a condemned soul... than enter heaven without you. Because of your love... I will never be a lonely spirit. -Madam Te is certainly spoiling us with these wedding gifts. She's being so considerate. I'm sorry she's not feeling well enough to receive you today. -I'm sorry she's not feeling well enough to receive you today. I heard Sir Te lost something. And now Madame Te's not feeling well... -We know who stole the missing item. If the thief returns it, I'm sure Sir Te will pursue the matter no further. That's good. Sometimes the help can't keep their hands to themselves. It's very embarassing. -That's good. Sometimes the help can't keep their hands to themselves. It's very embarassing. Sir Te knows that even well-meaning people can make mistakes... that can bring ruin to themselves and their families. -Sir Te knows that even well-meaning people can make mistakes... that can bring ruin to themselves and their families. But don't be too lenient. -But don't be too lenient. No mercy will be shown toward the murderer who turned up in Peking. -No mercy will be shown toward the murderer who turned up in Peking. A murderer? -A murderer? Yes. The very killer of Li Mu Bai's own master. Last night, she killed a policeman who had tracked her down. -Yes. The very killer of Li Mu Bai's own master. Last night, she killed a policeman who had tracked her down. A female criminal! Now that's news! -Maybe the murderer and the thief are one and the same. I doubt it. This thief... it very unusual... -It's Jade Fox! We must avenge mother! -You're mistaken. We're just street performers. We were rehearsing. Father! -They're gone. What does it say? -What does it say? """We'll settle this at midnight on Yellow Hill."" Good, the fox is out of her hole." -If you surrender now, you'll suffer less. But if you resist, I won't stop until you're dead. Father! Let me avenge my mother's death. -This is Li's personal sword, a great hero's weapon! He is the only one in the world worthy of carrying it. It's too fine a gift. I cannot accept it. Sir Te! It has brought him as much trouble as glory. Help him to leave these troubles behind. Otherwise, he'll never be able to start anew. -Sir Te! It has brought him as much trouble as glory. Help him to leave these troubles behind. Otherwise, he'll never be able to start anew. All right. I'll act as the sword's custodian. -You've always been so good to Li Mu Bai and me. Please accept our thanks. Please do not be such a stranger. You'll stay the night as my guest. Now, Shu Lien... tell me something. And forgive me for prying. Your father was a great friend to me, and I think of you as my own daughter. -Please do not be such a stranger. You'll stay the night as my guest. Now, Shu Lien... tell me something. And forgive me for prying. Your father was a great friend to me, and I think of you as my own daughter. Please, Sir Te, what is it? -Please, Sir Te, what is it? Li Mu Bai giving up his sword and his warrior days... maybe he's trying to tell you something? -Li Mu Bai giving up his sword and his warrior days... maybe he's trying to tell you something? I don't know... -I don't know... Don't be coy. I've always known about your feelings for each other. All these years, it's a shame... neither of you is brave enough to admit the truth to the other. You're both wasting precious time. -Don't be coy. I've always known about your feelings for each other. All these years, it's a shame... neither of you is brave enough to admit the truth to the other. You're both wasting precious time. I beg your pardon. Li Mu Bai and I aren't cowards. -I beg your pardon. Li Mu Bai and I aren't cowards. When it comes to emotions, even great heroes can be idiots. Tell me if Li Mu Bai is not more open the next time you see him. I'll give him an earful! -Has Governor Yu ever seen the sword? Yes, though I doubt he's involved in this. -Yes, though I doubt he's involved in this. But the sword could be in his compound. -But the sword could be in his compound. Then someone's trying to set him up. We should inform Li Mu Bai. -We must be careful. Governor Yu is a court official, and in charge of security. Any disturbance will cast suspicion on him. It might get Sir Te in trouble. This is a delicate matter. -This is a delicate matter. Sir Te, can you find some excuse to invite Madam Yu and her daughter? -Sir Te, can you find some excuse to invite Madam Yu and her daughter? What do you have in mind? -What do you have in mind? The best way to trap a fox is through her cubs. -Sure it coulda. Funboy's not here, neither is T-Bird -- none of Top Dollar's number ones. You know, you sure got a hard-on for a guy that's guilty of zip on paper. Top Dollar runs Showtime; what's the matter, don't you like adult entertainment? -You know, you sure got a hard-on for a guy that's guilty of zip on paper. Top Dollar runs Showtime; what's the matter, don't you like adult entertainment? This sack of shit is called Tin- Tin. -This sack of shit is called Tin- Tin. Don't any of your little pals have real, grown up names? -Don't any of your little pals have real, grown up names? He was a runner for Top Dollar. Just muscle. -He was a runner for Top Dollar. Just muscle. Was. ALBRECHT This isn't Top Dollar's style anyway. This was somebody else. Somebody new. -And you're gonna tell me who. Who ever made that. -What in the hell... do you call that? I call it blood, Detective. If you want, you can call it graffiti. -Talent. Hi. Care for a hot dog? -Care for a hot dog? You buying? -You buying? I'm buying. -No onions though, okay? No onions? -No onions? They make you fart. -Whatever it is, the answer's no, Eddie. I'm too busy tonight. Annie, I need a file. -Speak up. Clear it with the Captain if you need a file. This is special, darlin'. Please? -"Just don't tell me you ""owe me one."" What file?" Double homicide. A year ago. Las Halloween. -Don't thank me. Your ass is already in enough trouble for this shit. I knew that. -Could be. You gonna wind up working at a school crosswalk. that doughnut's chocolate you, know. -Well, hello there...chocolate, Don't thank me. -Don't thank me. Thanks, babe. -And I say I'm dead... and I move. No further. I'm serious. -Are you nuts, walking into a gun? You must listen carefully: the Fire Department will be here soon. There is an injured man in the alley who needs assistance. As Shelly Webster once needed your assistance, and as you are shortly going to need my assistance. -"Listen: Top Dollar. He ""owns the street here."" He will ""erase my ass.""" You don't say. -You don't say. I know Top Dollar has turned your streets into his hell. -I know Top Dollar has turned your streets into his hell. Fucking A, my friend. -Fucking A, my friend. The others are called Skank, T- Bird. Street names. Funboy. Watch me, office Albrecht. -You, my friend, are dead. I saw your body. You got buried. I saw it, too. -You died, man. I can't believe it but here you are. Last year, you and your girlfriend -- I need you to tell me what you remember. What happened to us? -I need you to tell me what you remember. What happened to us? You went out the window. She was beaten and raped. She died in the hospital. -You okay, man? I mean, what just happened. The venom of bad memories. You were there; you saw her. I saw you seeing her. -My name. I'm sorry as hell, man. -I'm sorry as hell, man. Thirty hours. A day of life, plus change... -Halloween is coming, soon. You will have Top Dollar if you watch for me at the Showtime, tomorrow night. I should be trying to stop you. -Thank you. For giving a damn. My pleasure. ERIC Don't smoke these. -It's done. ALBRECHT I figured as much. Did you cap off Funboy. Funboy had to leave this mortal coil. -Funboy had to leave this mortal coil. Yeah, among others. Hey, man -- you're hit. -Yeah, among others. Hey, man -- you're hit. It's only a flesh wound. -It's only a flesh wound. It's only fourteen or fifteen flesh wounds. -I mean, I've done what I came to do. It shouldn't hurt this much. But it will pass... Right. You sure I can't just take you to the emergency ward? -They couldn't do anything for me. How 'bout the morgue? -How 'bout the morgue? No. I have one more thing to do. -You sorta looked like you might need my help. This isn't your place. This isn't your fight. And I don't need your help. -This isn't your place. This isn't your fight. And I don't need your help. You're welcome. -You're welcome. Leave here. Don't do this. I don't want you here. -Leave here. Don't do this. I don't want you here. The hell you say. This isn't just about you any more. -Don't interfere. You're bleeding, man. You can't make it. -Mom --? I told you you're not supposed to come in here. -I told you you're not supposed to come in here. I lost my key. -I was wonderin' where you'd gotten to -- Oh, Elly, honey, a cat. Here? He was a present. Besides, we're moving anyway. You said. -He was a present. Besides, we're moving anyway. You said. We'll discuss this later. Obviously. You left the door open. -At least it finally stopped raining. It can't rain all the time. -Hey, Darla -- before we die of old age, how about it --? Out. Now. I gotta work. -Oh wow, oh wow, don't fucking do that, man. I nearly had a fucking heart attack. Fun -- look at that guy... -Fun -- look at that guy... It's just the dope, don't worry -It's just the dope, don't worry Fun, he's not going away; he's scaring the piss outta me! -Fun, he's not going away; he's scaring the piss outta me! Not me. -You look like a rock star without a job. I dabble. May I? -My mom works over there. I'm waiting for her, but she's probably with him, right now. Who? -Who? Mister Funboy. -Mister Funboy. Mister Funboy lives there? -Mister Funboy lives there? He has a room, upstairs. I don't like him very much. -I can pick out a tune now and again. "Can you play ""Teddy Bears' Picnic?"" It used to be her favorite." -"Can you play ""Teddy Bears' Picnic?"" It used to be her favorite." Does she have a name? -Does she have a name? No name. You sure ask a lot of questions. -Do you feel okay. No. -No. You gotta go now, I bet. -You gotta go now, I bet. I have to go. -What's going on...? A remembrance. A closure. -You brought flowers. As long as you don't forget her, Elly, she lives. She's dead. She's gone. And now you're just gonna go away and never come back, too. I hate this place; it isn't fair. -She's dead. She's gone. And now you're just gonna go away and never come back, too. I hate this place; it isn't fair. Elly... -I remember him! Here, Gabriel... here kitty... Gabriel... Is he still yours? I think he's yours, now. -Shelly would've wanted you to have it. This way, you'll think of her every time you see it... And she'll be alive. Up here. -Now do you get to see her? Shelly, I mean. In a better place. I hope. -In a better place. I hope. You're not gonna come back, are you? -I don't know if I can. But you have this... and you know where to come. You mean you'll, like' dig your way out of the grave? Euww. -What's goin' on, Elly? I went to see a friend of mine. -I went to see a friend of mine. Well, how's your friend? -Well, how's your friend? She's still dead. -Chili dog for breakfast... it's original. Mom tried to cook. -Mom tried to cook. Oh. -I know your friend, too -- the one that looks like a rock star. I don't know you. -I don't know you. I'd like to get in touch with him. -You're not a cop, either. What do you want him for? I'm looking for a good guitar man. -I'm looking for a good guitar man. Right. -You buying? He kinda wanders around. You'll see him if you pay attention. I need to find him kind of soon, Elly. -Little early from trick-or-treat, homie. This dick trying to bushwack me. Murderer. -A year ago. Halloween. A man and a woman. In a loft. You helped to murder them. Last Halloween, eh? Yeah... Yeah, I remember. I fucked her too, I think. -Last Halloween, eh? Yeah... Yeah, I remember. I fucked her too, I think. You cut her. You raped her. You watched! -You cut her. You raped her. You watched! Hey, I got my rocks off, so fuck you in the ass, man. -I want you to tell me a story, Tin-Tin. I don't know you... -Holy shit... you're dead, man... Victims. Aren't we all. -Top Dollar, you're the only one here still wasting good air... Five large, in the drawer right over there. I never saw you. -Five large, in the drawer right over there. I never saw you. Do you know what you destroyed? -Do you know what you destroyed? Take the dope, too. -A year ago. A very nice lady circulated a petition. She died. Last Halloween. Answer yes or no. That's ancient history. -That's ancient history. It's yesterday! Do you know what you destroyed? -Who gives a fuck! I'm a businessman. You gonna do me, then do me and shut you're face! You don't even remember... -You don't even remember... I never forget anything, dickhead. That building was a sweep-and- clear; the bitch was a nuisance with her goddamned petition. It got a little rowdy... end of story. -I never forget anything, dickhead. That building was a sweep-and- clear; the bitch was a nuisance with her goddamned petition. It got a little rowdy... end of story. Rowdy. Let me fill in some gaps for you. -Cute nickname, don't you think? I ain't got no fuckin' ring. -I ain't got no fuckin' ring. Wrong answer. -Top Dollar. Another jolly nickname? -Another jolly nickname? You want those assholes, you want Top Dollar. -You want those assholes, you want Top Dollar. T-Bird? -T-Bird? Like the car. He hangs out with Skank. that little ass-hair, and they hang at the Pit -- hell, Funboy lives there. Ask Top Dollar. -Like the car. He hangs out with Skank. that little ass-hair, and they hang at the Pit -- hell, Funboy lives there. Ask Top Dollar. A whole club of pirates, with pirate names... -I believe our friend Elly call you Mister Crow. Please acknowledge; the mike will pick you up. I can see her. -I can see her. Of course you can. ANGLE - GRANGE IN THE GALLERY -- in darkness. The running lights on his night-scoped, laser-sighted sniper's rifle which THROWS vague sprays of eerie red and green light. -I wish to possess what you have now. I want the girl. Unharmed. Now. -I want the girl. Unharmed. Now. I know. That is why I will prevail. Mr. Grange... ? -Sooner or later, my action were destined to bring me a genuine Fury. And it turned out to be you. At last. I appreciate your abilities as few mortals can. That's why I desire them. You're too late. There was a guy outside - on the stairs - you really need to talk to. But he turned to dust and blew away. I don't have any power for you to take. -You're too late. There was a guy outside - on the stairs - you really need to talk to. But he turned to dust and blew away. I don't have any power for you to take. I don't believe that. Lao motions to Grange with the killing blade. Grange RELAXES his deathgrip on the crow. MOVE IN CLOSE on Eric so we may perceive a palpable degree of relief. -And how many lives have you destroyed? I took yours from you. Your little girlfriend? I took hers, too. Your meaningless, petty life? I took it so that tonight your existence might gain a purpose. You're no avenger. You're mine. -How the hell did you do that? Magic. -Neither. Yeah, I got a more fun idea myself. -Owwwaaaa -- fuck me! Look what you did to my sheets, you lame piece'a shit! AAAAaa! Goddd! Does it hurt? -Does it hurt? Does it hurt?! You dead-ass, clown-faced fuck, of course it fucking hurts! What the shit are you gonna do about this?! -No, wait, no WAIT, that's too much, man, that's like overkill, nobody can take that much, you're wasting it -- ! Your pain ends now. -What the hell are you? Interested? Follow the crow. -Having fun yet? No? I'll give you a hint. Remember whatshername? Shelly? -Shelly? Miss her? -Miss her? Yes. -Yes. Kill the men who killed you both, and the Day of the Dead will be your reunion. -Get it? Leave me alone -- ! -Glad to see you're finally with the program. Bugger off to the graveyard, skull- face, I'm busy. -Bugger off to the graveyard, skull- face, I'm busy. You work for the dead. Forget that, and you can forget it all. -Getting a little ambitious and extracurricular, aren't we? Go away. -Go away. You need to learn to mind your own business or you'll never get where you think you're going. -You need to learn to mind your own business or you'll never get where you think you're going. Shut up. -Shut up. Maybe I was wrong about you. -Your job is done. You interfere with the living again. Tell me I'll get hurt. That I might die. I've already done that. I don't need anyone's help. Yours included. -Do this thing and you will be vulnerable. The blood will not return. No powers. No reunion. Nothing. Fine with me. -You'll be alone. I'm already alone. -Don't waste my time. Very well, it's your ass. -Blow yourself, bigmouth. Whoa, hey, whoa. Business. -Coupla more rings... 24k. 18k. Crap. -18k. Crap. ...necklace... pearls... -...necklace... pearls... Nineteen bucks at Sears. Fake, -Nineteen bucks at Sears. Fake, Leather purse... -What's this -- a little, ah, bloodstain, right? Fifty bucks for the box, and I'm doin' you a -- Yeah, I know, fatso. Do us all a favor. Make Top Dollar smile. -Did you see an animal of any kind? Did you see a bird? No. I saw a guitar. This isn't some rock-n-roller you forgot to pay, is it? There was a drawing on the wall that looked like a bird. In blood. -What... the hell is that? This is a cobra, Mr. Grange. Yes, it is real. -That thing is poisonous. Extremely so. You and I are the recipients of unwanted good fortune, in the form of a man everyone is calling The Crow. -Give me a break. That guy's a wacko... I intend no slight to you, but I cannot find the English to adequately express just what he is. I suppose Western mythology would describe him as a Fury. -I intend no slight to you, but I cannot find the English to adequately express just what he is. I suppose Western mythology would describe him as a Fury. Not a Plymouth Fury, I bet. -Do you know of spirit assassins? You do know the dead can rise? Properly motivated, of course. Like some sort of zombie on a revenge trip. -Like some sort of zombie on a revenge trip. Mmm. But tonight I can take what is his. -Mmm. But tonight I can take what is his. Only thing you'll get from that clown is a faster way to die. LAO To the contrary... -Who is only invulnerable so long as he cares about the dead. When he begins to care about the living, you'll find his heart can bleed... and I want it to bleed for me. Kill a dead guy? -We've got company. Is he inside? -I've got him if you want him. No shooting. -No shooting. Move in, guys. -An unexpected pleasure. Bad news. Alot of action on the streets tonight, and nobody bothered to clear it with me. Tin- Tin got himself whacked. -Bad news. Alot of action on the streets tonight, and nobody bothered to clear it with me. Tin- Tin got himself whacked. Who got himself what? -Who got himself what? One of mine. And it wasn't a standard hit. -One of mine. And it wasn't a standard hit. "I had heard something like this. Describe it for me. The ""hit""." -"I had heard something like this. Describe it for me. The ""hit""." I was wondering if you could tell me anything... about a wildcat operative. -I was wondering if you could tell me anything... about a wildcat operative. I know of no one. But even if there is, I am sure it is nothing outside your capacity to deal with? -I know of no one. But even if there is, I am sure it is nothing outside your capacity to deal with? Anybody violates my turf -- our turf -- I'll rip out there heart and show it to 'em. -Anybody violates my turf -- our turf -- I'll rip out there heart and show it to 'em. To be sure. Now tell how your friend died. -"Sounds like our ""Crow"" is out-maneuvering you." """Our"" Crow...?" -"""Our"" Crow...?" Come now. You've seen the graffiti -- all over the city in the few hors it has taken your men to drop like plague victims. What about your turf, Top? You don't seem to have ripped out anyone's heart yet. -Come now. You've seen the graffiti -- all over the city in the few hors it has taken your men to drop like plague victims. What about your turf, Top? You don't seem to have ripped out anyone's heart yet. The night is young. -Do you think this childish machismo impresses me? When I was a boy in Saigon I watched my country change one block at a time, one building at a time. Whole lives erased. A way of life, polluted. Today, no one forces me to move. I use my powers to change your country, one block at a time, one building at a time. Nice speech. What's it supposed to mean? -Nice speech. What's it supposed to mean? Your comprehension is not required. Your cooperation and, indeed, your ability are the issues on the table. -I'm Kathryn. Annette Harrison. -Have we met? I don't think so. -I don't think so. Did you know Sebastian well? -Did you know Sebastian well? You might say that. -You might say that. Now I remember. Annette Harrison. Your father's the new headmaster at Oakwood. -Now I remember. Annette Harrison. Your father's the new headmaster at Oakwood. That's right. -That's right. I'm sure you're going to love it there. -Are you okay? I'll be fine. -I'll be fine. Well, I'll leave you alone now. I just came in here to get something of mine. -Thank you. Look, I know this sounds corny, but whenever I feel like I can't go on I... turn to Jesus and he helps me through the problem. Call me an anachronism, but - -Look, I know this sounds corny, but whenever I feel like I can't go on I... turn to Jesus and he helps me through the problem. Call me an anachronism, but - Oh cut the shit, Kathryn. -Oh cut the shit, Kathryn. Excuse me? -Excuse me? You heard me. -You heard me. Who the hell do you think you are coming into my house and saying those things to me. My brother is dead, have some respect. -Who the hell do you think you are coming into my house and saying those things to me. My brother is dead, have some respect. Kathryn, I know all about you and Sebastian. -Kathryn, I know all about you and Sebastian. Sebastian was a pathological liar. I wouldn't believe a word he - -Sebastian was a pathological liar. I wouldn't believe a word he - I have his journal. -I have his journal. You what? -You what? His journal. He sent it to me the day before he died. Everything about you is in it. The blow jobs, the hand jobs, the menages, your bout with bulimia, the affair you had with your guidance counselor and how he gave you... eww. Let's see, then there's your coke problem... You still keep it in your crucifix, don't you? It's all in there. -His journal. He sent it to me the day before he died. Everything about you is in it. The blow jobs, the hand jobs, the menages, your bout with bulimia, the affair you had with your guidance counselor and how he gave you... eww. Let's see, then there's your coke problem... You still keep it in your crucifix, don't you? It's all in there. You didn't show it to anybody? -You didn't show it to anybody? Actually, I was planning on running down to Kinkos. Do you think you could give me ride? -Actually, I was planning on running down to Kinkos. Do you think you could give me ride? You can't do this to me. It could ruin me. -You can't do this to me. It could ruin me. I know. -He told you he's failing in love with you? I've never known him to say those words before. Really? I thought he said it all the time. -Really? I thought he said it all the time. That's not his style. one thing I can say about Valmont. He always speaks the truth. -Nothing. Is there a mutual feeling between you two? -Is there a mutual feeling between you two? No. I mean. I don't know. What else do you know about him? -No. I mean. I don't know. What else do you know about him? Not a whole lot. We take some classes together. He's got a bad rep, but it's mostly bullshit. -Not a whole lot. We take some classes together. He's got a bad rep, but it's mostly bullshit. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Well, a lot of people are jealous cause he's loaded. -Well, a lot of people are jealous cause he's loaded. I don't know. I've been hearing some awful things about him. -I don't know. I've been hearing some awful things about him. From who? -From who? I can't tell you. I'm sworn to secrecy. -Annette, how long have we known each other? Forever. -Forever. Now it's my job to look out for you. You're like a kid sister to me. Do I look like some kind of gossip queen? -You promise not to say anything? On my mother's life. -On my mother's life. Okay... -So what year are you going into? Junior. -Junior. Got a boyfriend back home? -Got a boyfriend back home? No. -No. Why not? -Why not? I don't know. Relationships seem too distracting. I'd rather concentrate on my studies. -I don't know. Relationships seem too distracting. I'd rather concentrate on my studies. You a lesbo? -You a lesbo? No. -Are you often this offensive on a first encounter? I was just being honest. You happen to have a nice ass. Sorry. -I read your teen beat manifesto. You did? -You did? I must say I found it rather appalling. -I must say I found it rather appalling. That's a first. Most people praised me for it. -That's a first. Most people praised me for it. Most people are morons. I mean who are you to knock what you've never experienced? -Most people are morons. I mean who are you to knock what you've never experienced? I wasn't knocking anything. It's just my belief that people shouldn't actually experience the act of love until they are in love and that people our age are too immature to be in touch with those emotions. -I wasn't knocking anything. It's just my belief that people shouldn't actually experience the act of love until they are in love and that people our age are too immature to be in touch with those emotions. Oh really? -Oh really? Take yourself. You've slept with several women. Are you happier because of it? -Take yourself. You've slept with several women. Are you happier because of it? How do you know I've been with several women? -How do you know I've been with several women? A friend wrote me. -A friend wrote me. Well maybe you should get to know the person before you judge them instead of listening to some bullshit gossip. -Well maybe you should get to know the person before you judge them instead of listening to some bullshit gossip. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you... but you still didn't answer the question. -Who the hell is taking the time to write letters, spreading this shit about me? It's not really important. -It's not really important. Fine, forget it. It's obvious that we're not going to be friends. -Fine, forget it. It's obvious that we're not going to be friends. Why are you being so dramatic? -Why are you being so dramatic? Look, I've got a lot of problems and I'm trying to deal with them and the last thing I need is people spreading shit about me. -Look, I've got a lot of problems and I'm trying to deal with them and the last thing I need is people spreading shit about me. Alright, I said I was sorry. Can we start over again? I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot. -Excuse me. Excuse me! You talking to me? -You talking to me? Look, I know this is your house and all, but do you think you couid keep it down? I'm trying to read. -Look, I know this is your house and all, but do you think you couid keep it down? I'm trying to read. What'cha reading? -What'cha reading? The Fountainhead. -The Fountainhead. Great book. -Great book. You've read The Fountainhead? -You've read The Fountainhead? Several times. I'm not as dumb as I act, you know. When Howard Roark makes love to Dominique Francon... most romantic scene in all of literature. -Several times. I'm not as dumb as I act, you know. When Howard Roark makes love to Dominique Francon... most romantic scene in all of literature. Romantic? He rapes her. -Romantic? He rapes her. That's a matter of opinion. -That's a matter of opinion. You need help. -You need help. Why don't you come join me for a swim and we'll discuss it. -Why don't you come join me for a swim and we'll discuss it. At this hour? I don't think so. -At this hour? I don't think so. Oh come on. Quit acting like a geriatric and get in the pool. -Oh come on. Quit acting like a geriatric and get in the pool. Gee, with an invitation like that how could a girl refuse. -Gee, with an invitation like that how could a girl refuse. Please. -Please. Give me a minute. I'll be right down. -Give me a minute. I'll be right down. Thank you. -You know it amazes me that someone as bright as you can be so horrible. What? Another letter from your friend? -What? Another letter from your friend? This is my favorite part. Even more treacherous and dangerous than he is charming and fascinating. He has never taken a single step or spoken a single word without some dishonorable or criminal intention. Every young girl he has successfully pursued has regretted it. -This is my favorite part. Even more treacherous and dangerous than he is charming and fascinating. He has never taken a single step or spoken a single word without some dishonorable or criminal intention. Every young girl he has successfully pursued has regretted it. You know you could at least have the decency of telling me who's badmouthing me so I might have the opportunity to confront them face to face. How do you know it's not some girl who's pissed off at me for breaking up with her? -You know you could at least have the decency of telling me who's badmouthing me so I might have the opportunity to confront them face to face. How do you know it's not some girl who's pissed off at me for breaking up with her? I sincerely doubt it. -I sincerely doubt it. Give me the fucking letter. -The last thing I need is you going into my room searching for this while I'm away. Is that the last thing you need? My your clever. -How's the water? Refreshing. -About what? About what you said today in the stable. I'm not a happy person. -About what you said today in the stable. I'm not a happy person. I never said that. -I never said that. You implied it. -You implied it. Look, I didn't mean to give you a hard time. -Look, I didn't mean to give you a hard time. No, it's okay. I mean I look at you with all your morals and values and well, YOU seem to be happy in your choices. I envy you. No bullshit. -No, it's okay. I mean I look at you with all your morals and values and well, YOU seem to be happy in your choices. I envy you. No bullshit. Thank you. -Thank you. Seriously, you're amazing. You have everything going for you. You're smart, you're beautiful, you're determined. You're everything I want in a girlfriend. -Seriously, you're amazing. You have everything going for you. You're smart, you're beautiful, you're determined. You're everything I want in a girlfriend. Shut up. -Shut up. I wasn't kidding. I'd like to take you out. -I wasn't kidding. I'd like to take you out. Look, I'm flattered but, seriously it could never work. -Look, I'm flattered but, seriously it could never work. Why not? -Why not? Because you act like a pig. -Do you deny that there's an attraction between us? I don't... I don't want to answer that... look we're friends. -I don't... I don't want to answer that... look we're friends. You don't find me cute? Come on, look at these muscles. -I'm sorry, but you're not my type. Fine. Friends it is. I can live with that. -You're naked. It's my house. -That's repulsive. What's the big deal? We're friends. Haven't you ever seen your friends naked before? -Need a lift? No thank you. -No thank you. How are you today? -How are you today? Give it up. -Give it up. Oh right, last night. I guess I owe you an apology. -Oh right, last night. I guess I owe you an apology. I'm not going to speak to you till you realize that you can't intimidate me. -I'm not going to speak to you till you realize that you can't intimidate me. I said I was sorry. -It was fine. I wish I could say the same for myself. I was up thinking about you all night. -I wish I could say the same for myself. I was up thinking about you all night. I thought we agreed that we were going to be friends. -I thought we agreed that we were going to be friends. "Yes, well unfortunately I can't just switch the ""on"" button to ""off."" The sad fact of the matter is that you've unintentionally rubbed off on me." -And that's a bad thing? I'm trying to better myself, but the one person who can help me is the same one pushing me away. -I'm trying to better myself, but the one person who can help me is the same one pushing me away. I'm sorry, but I'm not here to be your savior. -I'm sorry, but I'm not here to be your savior. Well try this one on for size. I think I'm falling in love with you. -Well try this one on for size. I think I'm falling in love with you. You don't even know me. -You don't even know me. Don't you believe in love at first sight? -Don't you believe in love at first sight? Yes, but only when it's mutual. And this is far from mutual. -Yes, but only when it's mutual. And this is far from mutual. Ouch. Do you think we could spend some time together this morning? -Ouch. Do you think we could spend some time together this morning? I can't. I'm seeing a friend. -I can't. I'm seeing a friend. Who? -Who? That's none of your business. -That's none of your business. How about tonight? -How about tonight? I'm busy. -I'm busy. Doing what? -Doing what? That's also none of your business. -That's also none of your business. Tell me what to do, Annette. How can I win your heart. I'll do anything. I can't get you out of my mind. -Tell me what to do, Annette. How can I win your heart. I'll do anything. I can't get you out of my mind. You truly want to do something to make me happy? -You truly want to do something to make me happy? Yes. -Yes. And you promise to abide by it? -And you promise to abide by it? Without question. -Without question. Alright. I want you to leave and go back to New York. -Alright. I want you to leave and go back to New York. What? -What? If that's a problem, then I'll make arrangements to stay with some friends. -I'll leave this afternoon. Happy? It's not about being happy. You and I can't - -No, not at all. Well, I was just calling to see how you're doing. -Well, I was just calling to see how you're doing. I'm... I'm alright. -I'm... I'm alright. How was your date? -How was your date? It wasn't a date. He's just a friend. -Well, I was just calling to tell you I was thinking about you and I miss you. I'll let you go. Wait, don't hang up. -Wait, don't hang up. Okay? -Okay? What are you doing? -What are you doing? Reading. -What are you reading? Of Human Bondage. -Of Human Bondage. Somerset Maugham. -Somerset Maugham. Yeah, it's pretty relevant considering my situation. -Yeah, it's pretty relevant considering my situation. You're not gonna start that again. -Sure. Have a good night. I will. -Alone again. What are you up to today? I'm doing some volunteer work. -I'm doing some volunteer work. Need any company? -Need any company? You? Volunteer? I don't think so. -You? Volunteer? I don't think so. I don't know? Maybe I'd like it. I'm trying to change here. You could be supportive. -I don't know? Maybe I'd like it. I'm trying to change here. You could be supportive. Okay. -Okay. Babe, you're looking at the next Mother Teresa. -It's weird. I actually feel good about myself. Can we do this again next week? Oh please. -Oh please. What? -What? """I actually feel good about myself?""" -"""I actually feel good about myself?""" I do. -I do. You must take me for a real idiot. -You must take me for a real idiot. I don't. -I don't. You're going to tell me that you had a good time with the old lady. -You're going to tell me that you had a good time with the old lady. I did. We played three games of backgammon and... -That's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person. Yes it does. -Yes it does. No, it doesn't. I'm happy you're being honest with me. -No, it doesn't. I'm happy you're being honest with me. I can't win with you. -I can't win with you. It's not about winning. You know what your problem is? You take yourself way too seriously. -It's not about winning. You know what your problem is? You take yourself way too seriously. I do not. -I do not. Lighten up. -Lighten up. I am lighten. Can we drop this? -I am lighten. Can we drop this? Fine. -Oh dear, are you actually laughing? No. -No. No? -Am I bothering you? Not at all. Have a seat. -My friend Monsieur Philipe is a friend of Florentino. Who's Monsieur Philipe? -Who's Monsieur Philipe? You don't know Monsieur Philipe? -Bonjour Monsieur Philipe. You are very pretty. I would like to kiss you. -You know what? I don't take it back. Why are you doing this? -Why are you doing this? Because I'm in love with you. -Because I'm in love with you. I thought you said we were going to be friends. -I thought you said we were going to be friends. I can't handle it. I can't keep my feelings bottled up like you. Can you honestly tell me that you feel nothing for me? ... Tell me! -I can't handle it. I can't keep my feelings bottled up like you. Can you honestly tell me that you feel nothing for me? ... Tell me! I have feelings for you. -I have feelings for you. Then what's wrong? I love you Annette. It's not like you have a husband, unless your married to Jesus. -Then what's wrong? I love you Annette. It's not like you have a husband, unless your married to Jesus. That's not fair. -That's not fair. Why can't we be together? -You really want to know? Yes. -Yes. It's because I don't trust myself with you. I took a vow and because of you I'm tempted to break it. Don't destroy that for me. Please. -I just came to say goodbye. Where are you going? -Where are you going? Back to the city. I may take off to Europe for the rest of the summer. I just can't handle it around here. -Back to the city. I may take off to Europe for the rest of the summer. I just can't handle it around here. I think that's for the best. -I think that's for the best. Good for you. -Good for you. Sebastian, please. I don't want us to end on bad terms. -Sebastian, please. I don't want us to end on bad terms. Well, I'm afraid you don't have a choice in the matter. You make me sick. You're a hypocrite and I don't associate with hypocrites. -How am I a hypocrite? Oh please Annette. You spend all your time preaching about waiting for love. Well here it is. Right in front of you, but you're going to turn your back on it. I'm sorry that we're not at the age where we can get married. If we were, I'd propose, but that's not going to happen. So I guess we're just fucked. I'll move on, but you... you're going to have to live with yourself knowing you've turned your back on love. And that makes you a hypocrite. -Please don't go. Get off me. -Hi. Hi. -I'm fine. I have to get going to my friends' house. Was it -- It was perfect. -Hi. Hi. -Would you like a tour? Sure. -This isn't working out for me anymore. Yeah, me neither. -It's not you, it's me. I'm completely fucked up. What are you saying? -What are you saying? Why aren't you understanding? -Why aren't you understanding? I love you. -I love you. I know. I wish I felt the same. Unfortunately, I feel nothing. I think it was just the conquest. Sorry, I'm completely fucked up. -Why are you trying to hurt me? I'm just being honest. I just wanted to see what you were like in bed. -You don't know how to love. You don't even know me. The fact of the matter is there is some one I love. She's smarter, prettier... you don't even compare to her. The only reason I am here is because she wants us to be exclusive. -You don't even know me. The fact of the matter is there is some one I love. She's smarter, prettier... you don't even compare to her. The only reason I am here is because she wants us to be exclusive. But you knew this was important to me. -But you knew this was important to me. What, your virginity? Well that's over now. -It's a beautiful home you have here Mrs. Rosemond. Thank you, Annette. Chance Hill has been with my family for over sixty years. Does your family do much riding? -Thank you, Annette. Chance Hill has been with my family for over sixty years. Does your family do much riding? My mother and I used to ride a lot, before she got sick. -My mother and I used to ride a lot, before she got sick. I'm sorry about that. -I'm sorry about that. My Grandpa, used to breed horses on his farm so I would come over and ride all the time. -My Grandpa, used to breed horses on his farm so I would come over and ride all the time. I'm familiar with a lot of breeders in the mid-west. What's his name? -I'm familiar with a lot of breeders in the mid-west. What's his name? Ben Schwarz. -Ben Schwarz. Schwarz. Jewish? -Schwarz. Jewish? German. -German. Doesn't ring a bell. -Unbelievable. Some fag, no offense - - none taken - -- none taken - - wrote a letter to this chick and saying shit about me. -- wrote a letter to this chick and saying shit about me. Any ideas who it could be? -Any ideas who it could be? Blaine, if I knew who it was that person wouldn't be alive right now. -Blaine, if I knew who it was that person wouldn't be alive right now. Where did you say she's from? -Where did you say she's from? Kansas. Who the hell do I know in Kansas? -Kansas. Who the hell do I know in Kansas? Greg McConnell. -Greg McConnell. The football stud? -The football stud? He's from Kansas City. I wouldn't be surprised if he was your rat. -He's from Kansas City. I wouldn't be surprised if he was your rat. It would make sense. McConnell hates me. I fingered his girlfriend at the game last year. -It would make sense. McConnell hates me. I fingered his girlfriend at the game last year. I don't think that bothered him. -I don't think that bothered him. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Let's just say Greg likes tackling tight ends on and off the field. -Let's just say Greg likes tackling tight ends on and off the field. Are you shitting me? -Are you shitting me? "I shit you not. McConnell used to sneak in my dorm room drunk every month. We'd go at it for a while, then as soon as he'd cum, he starts freaking out. You know - ""What are you doing, man? I'm not a fag. I'll kick your ass if you say anything."" It's like, for Christsakes Greg, you're gay, deal with it. The only reason why I let him continue with his charade is because he's got a mouth like a Hoover." -"I shit you not. McConnell used to sneak in my dorm room drunk every month. We'd go at it for a while, then as soon as he'd cum, he starts freaking out. You know - ""What are you doing, man? I'm not a fag. I'll kick your ass if you say anything."" It's like, for Christsakes Greg, you're gay, deal with it. The only reason why I let him continue with his charade is because he's got a mouth like a Hoover." Too bad he's in Kansas this summer. -Too bad he's in Kansas this summer. Not anymore. Football team started practice last week. He's already called me to hook up. -Not anymore. Football team started practice last week. He's already called me to hook up. Really. You think you could arrange a little get together with him tonight on my behalf? -Really. You think you could arrange a little get together with him tonight on my behalf? Hmmm. I do believe Bravo is showing Spartacus on television tonight. -Hmmm. I do believe Bravo is showing Spartacus on television tonight. Outstanding. -Outstanding. Don't think it's not going to cost you. -Don't think it's not going to cost you. "No problem. Just make sure your front door is unlocked. Shall we say the ""stroke of midnight"" no pun intended?" -I think he's telling the truth Valmont. Greg couldn't write a grocery list let alone a letter. Alright, I believe you. Stop crying. Your secret's safe with me. -Oh, I suck. I suck. Relax. It's okay. Take a deep breath. -Ronald is one of the few high school students attending Juliard. He's composing his first opera. It's based on the life of Doctor Martin Luther King. -It's based on the life of Doctor Martin Luther King. Doctor King is my favorite. -Well, I guess it's getting late. Please thank Kathryn for the use of her Steinway. I'll see you tomorrow. -I'll see you tomorrow. Absolutely. -What are the boys like? Cecile, is that the best you can do? You must forgive her, Kathryn. She's never been in a co-educational atmosphere before. -Where did you find those? Margarita found them while cleaning your room. -Margarita found them while cleaning your room. Those are my letters! -Those are my letters! Don't you raise your voice at me. Go to your room, now. -I'm in the bath, mom. Well hurry up. I want to be at Mrs. Rosemond's before lunch. -Well hurry up. I want to be at Mrs. Rosemond's before lunch. Okay. -What was that? I was thanking her. Vietnamese is such a beautiful language. -I'll call you later and we'll get together and plan your curriculum. Thanks. Nice meeting you. -So, rumor has it that you went on a date with Court Reynolds. I hear he's very nice. He's alright. He kept talking about this bulimic headcase he dumped over Fourth Of July. -He's alright. He kept talking about this bulimic headcase he dumped over Fourth Of July. Really? Bulimic headcase. -Really? Bulimic headcase. What a loser she must be. Anyhow, Court's invited me to the Hamptons for Labor Day Weekend. -What a loser she must be. Anyhow, Court's invited me to the Hamptons for Labor Day Weekend. That's great. -That's great. You think so? I don't know. I guess I'm just scared. -You think so? I don't know. I guess I'm just scared. What are you scared of? -What are you scared of? Ah duh. Boys. I've never even gone to first base with a guy. What do I do? -Ah duh. Boys. I've never even gone to first base with a guy. What do I do? Haven't you ever practiced with one of your girlfriends? -Haven't you ever practiced with one of your girlfriends? Eww. No. That's gross. -Eww. No. That's gross. It's not gross. How else do you think girls learn? Here turn around and face me. -Are you for real? Do you want to learn or not? -Do you want to learn or not? I guess. It still sounds gross. -See that wasn't so bad. It was nothing. -It was nothing. Let's try it again, only this time I'm going to stick my tongue in your mouth. When I do that I want you to massage my tongue with yours. That's what first base is. -Let's try it again, only this time I'm going to stick my tongue in your mouth. When I do that I want you to massage my tongue with yours. That's what first base is. Okay. -Okay. Eyes closed. -That was cool. Maybe you should try it on your friend Ronald sometime. -Maybe you should try it on your friend Ronald sometime. What are you saying? -What are you saying? Oh come on Cecile. He's crazy about you. -Oh come on Cecile. He's crazy about you. Is it that obvious? -That's so romantic. Have you responded? No. -No. Well do you like him? -Well do you like him? I don't know. -I don't know. Cecile, we just made out in the middle of Central Park. You can trust me. -Cecile, we just made out in the middle of Central Park. You can trust me. I do like him. I can't stop thinking about him. -Listen to me. Your mother must never know. Never. Okay. -Okay. Did you hide the letters? -Did you hide the letters? Yes. They're in this antique doll house in my room. -Yes. They're in this antique doll house in my room. I want you to make me copies of his letters and bring them to me. -I want you to make me copies of his letters and bring them to me. Why? -Why? Cecile if there's one thing I'm great at it's love letters. With my help, he'll be eating out of the palm of your hand. Perhaps we can arrange a little get together for the two of you at my house. -Cecile if there's one thing I'm great at it's love letters. With my help, he'll be eating out of the palm of your hand. Perhaps we can arrange a little get together for the two of you at my house. You'd do that for me? -You'd do that for me? Of course I would. We're friends, right? -Of course I would. We're friends, right? Best friends. -Who is it? It's Kathryn. -Calm down. Tell me what's wrong. Something awful happened last night. -Something awful happened last night. What do you mean?! -What do you mean?! I... I don't think you want to know. -I... I don't think you want to know. Cecile, you have to tell me. -Cecile, you have to tell me. It involves your brother. He... took advantage of me. -It involves your brother. He... took advantage of me. Does your mother know? -Does your mother know? If she knew, she'd kill me. It happened at your house last night. -If she knew, she'd kill me. It happened at your house last night. Why didn't you do something? -Why didn't you do something? I don't know. -I don't know. So, let me get this straight. You came over to our house late last night and he forced intercourse on you. -So, let me get this straight. You came over to our house late last night and he forced intercourse on you. Well... not exactly. -Well... not exactly. He made you give him a blow job. -He made you give him a blow job. No. -No. Well what then? -If that's what you call it. Cecile, I think you're going to have a hard time crying rape if that's all he did. -Cecile, I think you're going to have a hard time crying rape if that's all he did. What do I do then? -What do I do then? Well did you like it? -Well did you like it? Well... I don't know - it was weird. At first it felt icky, then it felt kind of okay. Then, I started getting really hot and then I started shaking and then like, I don't t know... it felt like an explosion, but a good one. -Cecile, you had an orgasm. I did? -I did? I'm so proud of you. You're becoming a woman. -I'm so proud of you. You're becoming a woman. I am? -Now listen. Now that you're on your way, it would be stupid of you to stop. Think of Sebastian as a tutor. Let him instruct you. I don't love him. I love Ronald. -I don't love him. I love Ronald. So? Don't you want to make Ronald a happy pappy? Practice makes perfect, Cecile. My advice is to sleep with as many people as possible. -So? Don't you want to make Ronald a happy pappy? Practice makes perfect, Cecile. My advice is to sleep with as many people as possible. But that would make me a slut. Wouldn't it? -But that would make me a slut. Wouldn't it? Cecile, everybody does it. It's just that nobody talks about it. -It's like a secret society. That's one way of looking at it. -That's one way of looking at it. Cool. -My father just took me on a trip to Australia. How are things down under? Blossoming I hope. -What year are you in? I'm what you would call a fifth year senior. -I'm what you would call a fifth year senior. But I thought high school is only four years. -But I thought high school is only four years. It is, unless you're a fuck up, like myself. -Excellent. You think he'll like it? -You think he'll like it? He'll love it. -What are you doing? Just taking your photo. -Just taking your photo. I look terrible. -I look terrible. Mmmm, you're right. Those clothes don't do you justice. Why don't you take them off. -I'm sorry that was out of line. I want to go home. -I want to go home. I was just kidding. -I was just kidding. I want to go home. -Okay, okay. I'll just call your mom and have her come pick you up. My mom? Don't call my mom. -My mom? Don't call my mom. Why not? ... Oh wow, she doesn't know you're here. In fact, you're grounded. Jesus, you could get in a shitload of trouble for this. I think I should call her anyway. -Please please please. I'll do anything. Just don't call my mom. Cecile, all I want to do is give you a kiss. -Cecile, all I want to do is give you a kiss. And then I can go home? -And then I can go home? Of course. I'm not a monster. -Just a kiss, right? I swear. -What are you doing? You promised to let me kiss you. -You promised to let me kiss you. But - -But - I don't want to kiss you here. I want to kiss you there. -Want to join me? Some other time, Cecile. -Am I suppose to be this sore? For the first time, yes. It'll pass. -I like it better when I'm on top. Cecile. This is what I like to call quiet time. This is time when we reflect on what we've done. -Cecile. This is what I like to call quiet time. This is time when we reflect on what we've done. I'm sorry. -You think? Is it me? -Is it me? No, you were fine. -Where are you going? I'm taking a shower. -I'm taking a shower. Need any company? -Need any company? No. -No. Want a blow job? -Want a blow job? Good night Cecile. -Good night Cecile. Prude. -Jesus. We've been at this for six months. I know. -I know. And you haven't made an ounce of progress. -And you haven't made an ounce of progress. I know. -But you said you have the worst reputation. I do. -I do. Don't you want to change that? -Don't you want to change that? "Let me tell you something, doctor. Chicks love a guy with a bad rap. They say they don't, but they don't mean it. They all think that they're the ones that are going to ""save me."" The trick is to let them think it's true." -"Let me tell you something, doctor. Chicks love a guy with a bad rap. They say they don't, but they don't mean it. They all think that they're the ones that are going to ""save me."" The trick is to let them think it's true." I think that's all the time we have for today. -I think that's all the time we have for today. Same time next week? -Same time next week? No. This is going to be our last session. -No. This is going to be our last session. Why? I like spending time with you. You know, you're quite attractive for a woman your age. You have killer legs. Killer. -Why? I like spending time with you. You know, you're quite attractive for a woman your age. You have killer legs. Killer. This isn't a joke. Your parents spend a lot of money to send you here. I'm trying to help you. -This isn't a joke. Your parents spend a lot of money to send you here. I'm trying to help you. Don't be insecure, Doc. You're a big help. -You think you can come in here with that cute little smirk on your face and try and flirt with me. It doesn't work, Sebastian. It works a little. -It works a little. No it doesn't. I see right through you. -No it doesn't. I see right through you. You do? -You do? I hope for your sake you grow out of this immature phase. It's going to get you into trouble. -I hope for your sake you grow out of this immature phase. It's going to get you into trouble. Well, you don't have to get nasty about it. -My daughter, Rachel. Yummy. -Yummy. Don't even think about it. Rachel is an exceptionally well rounded young woman, who happens to be attending Princeton this fall. She's way too smart to fall for your line of b.s. -Don't even think about it. Rachel is an exceptionally well rounded young woman, who happens to be attending Princeton this fall. She's way too smart to fall for your line of b.s. Really? Care to make a wager on that? -Really? Care to make a wager on that? Good luck, Sebastian. -Good luck, Sebastian. What, nervous I'm going to win? -What, nervous I'm going to win? Would you please leave. -Hi, mom. Honey, is something wrong? -He told me he loved me and I believed him. Who told you? -Who told you? You don't know him. I'm so stupid. -Alright honey, just calm down, take a deep breath, and step out of the circle. Would you cut the psycho babble bullshit, mom. There's pictures of me on the internet. -Nudie pictures, what do you think? Jesus Christ, how can you be so stupid? -Jesus Christ, how can you be so stupid? I don't know. He was just so charming. All he did was talk about how I had killer legs and how we wanted to photograph them. Things just got out of hand from there. Mom? Are you there? Mom? Mother!!!! -Oh baby... oh baby... Baby? Right on time. -Hey Blaine, did I leave my... holy shit. Jesus! -Greg, is that you under the covers? Get out of here. -Whoa! I told you to lock the door. --- really drunk and blah blah blah blah blah. Please don't tell anyone. This could ruin my career. -Please don't tell anyone. This could ruin my career. Your career? What about your family? Can you imagine the humiliation your father's going to feel when he finds out his pride and joy is a fudge- packer. -Annette Harrison? I don't know what you're talking about. Come on Greg. You're the only one who knows her. The truth will save you. -Come on Greg. You're the only one who knows her. The truth will save you. I swear on my life, I never said a word to her about you. -Positive. Did you do everything I asked you to? -Did you do everything I asked you to? Yes. -Yes. You told her I never said I love you before? -You told her I never said I love you before? Yes! -Yes! You told her that people are jealous cause I'm loaded? -You told her that people are jealous cause I'm loaded? Yes! -Yes! And you think she bought it? -And you think she bought it? I'm pretty sure she did. -I'm pretty sure she did. Pretty sure or sure sure? -Pretty sure or sure sure? She bought it. -She bought it. I'll be in touch. -Is she with you? Who is this? -Who is this? Sebastian, you faggot. Is she with you? -Sebastian, you faggot. Is she with you? No. -No. Where is she?! -Where is she?! I don't know. Why don't you leave her alone. -I don't know. Why don't you leave her alone. McConnell, I'm gonna out your ass in two seconds if you don't tell me where she is. -McConnell, I'm gonna out your ass in two seconds if you don't tell me where she is. I told you I don't know. -I told you I don't know. One. -One. Alright. She's staying with some friends of her parents. The O'Sheas. She caught the train twenty minutes ago into Grand Central. -Alright. She's staying with some friends of her parents. The O'Sheas. She caught the train twenty minutes ago into Grand Central. Grand Central. You better not be fucking with me cause it's your ass on the line. -Pleased to meet you. Likewise I'm sure. -What do you do? Tell her you love her. But I can't even see her. She doesn't have her own phone, I don't even know her e-mail address. -Hello. Ronald? -Ronald? Yeah? -Yeah? It's Kathryn. -Hi Kathryn. Is everything okay? No. -What's wrong? It's Sebastian. He's out of his mind. -It's Sebastian. He's out of his mind. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I think he's high on drugs. He hit me, then took off. I'm afraid to be alone. Please come over. -I think he's high on drugs. He hit me, then took off. I'm afraid to be alone. Please come over. I'll be right there. -"And when I confronted him about his affair with Cecile he told me it was none of my business. Then when I said ""Well what about Ronald,"" he said you were nothing more than a stupid... the n word and that you deserved what you got..." And this happened before you and I hooked up? -And this happened before you and I hooked up? It's been going on for a while. Then he called me a disgrace to our family and that's when he hit me. -It's been going on for a while. Then he called me a disgrace to our family and that's when he hit me. Racist piece of shit. -Racist piece of shit. I'd be careful if I were you. God knows what he's up to. -I'd be careful if I were you. God knows what he's up to. He doesn't scare me. I'll kick his ass in. -He doesn't scare me. I'll kick his ass in. Will you stay here for the night? You can leave in the morning. That's when my parents get back and -- -Will you stay here for the night? You can leave in the morning. That's when my parents get back and -- Don't worry about it. I'll stay. -Cecile's attending Oakwood in the fall. Outstanding. -Do you care to tell me what Mrs. White-trash and her stupid daughter are doing in my house? I'm just taking the poor girl under my wing. -Lovely. How is your gold digging whore of a mother enjoying Bali? Zipping through my inheritance per usual? Hopefully, though she suspects that your decrepit alcoholic father is diddling the maid. -Oh, poor baby. Well you can relax. I have a mission for you. What? -Sorry. In any event, my feelings were hurt when I learned that he had fallen for someone else. Someone chaste... pure... innocent. -In any event, my feelings were hurt when I learned that he had fallen for someone else. Someone chaste... pure... innocent. You don't mean? -I don't find this very funny, So that's what this is all about. We'll get together and plan your curriculum. -So that's what this is all about. We'll get together and plan your curriculum. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. When I get through with her, she'll be the premier Blow Job Queen of the Tri-State area and poor little Court's heart will be shattered. -Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. When I get through with her, she'll be the premier Blow Job Queen of the Tri-State area and poor little Court's heart will be shattered. Why go through Cecile? Why not just attack Court? -Why go through Cecile? Why not just attack Court? Because if there's an attack made on Court it could be traced back to me. I can't allow that to happen. Everybody loves me and I intend to keep it that way. -Because if there's an attack made on Court it could be traced back to me. I can't allow that to happen. Everybody loves me and I intend to keep it that way. I see your point... though why should I care? -I see your point... though why should I care? I need you to seduce our young Cecile. Introduce her to your world of decadence and debauchery. -I need you to seduce our young Cecile. Introduce her to your world of decadence and debauchery. Sounds intriguing. -Sounds intriguing. She's quite cute you know. Young supple breasts, a tight firm ass and an uncharted pootie. -Why not? "Oh come on, Kathryn. It's too easy. ""But I thought high school was only four years."" I mean, please. She knows nothing. She's seen nothing. I could have her under the table at Au Bar sucking me off before the appetizer arrived. Go get one of those moron friends of yours to do it. I have a reputation to uphold." -"Oh come on, Kathryn. It's too easy. ""But I thought high school was only four years."" I mean, please. She knows nothing. She's seen nothing. I could have her under the table at Au Bar sucking me off before the appetizer arrived. Go get one of those moron friends of yours to do it. I have a reputation to uphold." Oh but diddling the therapist's daughter is a challenge? -Oh but diddling the therapist's daughter is a challenge? That was just simple revenge. What I have planned requires sheer genius. -I'm not interested in the latest dating tips from Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Shut up and turn to page 64. -Jesus Christ, is she for real? Oh yes. I've read it over and over again. This baby's the real deal. Daddy's little angel. A paradigm of chastity and virtue. -Oh yes. I've read it over and over again. This baby's the real deal. Daddy's little angel. A paradigm of chastity and virtue. B.F.D. What do you plan to do? Fly to Kansas and woo little Dorothy. -B.F.D. What do you plan to do? Fly to Kansas and woo little Dorothy. It just so happens we're not in Kansas anymore. Our little angel's father has accepted the new headmaster position at Oakwood. She's staying with my aunt up in Connecticut while Daddy sells his house. Can you imagine what this would do for my reputation? Screwing the new headmaster's virginal daughter before school starts? It will be my greatest victory. -It just so happens we're not in Kansas anymore. Our little angel's father has accepted the new headmaster position at Oakwood. She's staying with my aunt up in Connecticut while Daddy sells his house. Can you imagine what this would do for my reputation? Screwing the new headmaster's virginal daughter before school starts? It will be my greatest victory. You don't stand a chance. Even this is out of your league. -You don't stand a chance. Even this is out of your league. Care to make a wager on that? -Care to make a wager on that? I'll think about it... -I'll think about it... Oh well, duty calls. Time to add another chapter to my work of art. -Oh gee, your journal. Could you be more queer? Could you be more desperate to read it? -What are the terms? If you lose, then that hot little Porsche of yours is mine. -If you lose, then that hot little Porsche of yours is mine. And if I win? -I'll give you something you've been jerking off about ever since our parents got married. Be more specific. -Be more specific. In English. I'll fuck your brains out. -In English. I'll fuck your brains out. What makes you think I'd go for that bet? That's a seventy thousand dollar car. -What makes you think I'd go for that bet? That's a seventy thousand dollar car. Because I'm the only person you can't control and it kills you. -You can put it anywhere. Even there? -Even there? It would feel so yummy. -Fuck her yet? I'm working on it. -I'm working on it. Loser. -Loser. Blow me. -Blow me. Call me later. -Call me later. Okay. -You would not believe what-- Shhh. -What's wrong with you? You ready for this? I've recently discovered that our good friend Mrs. Caldwell is the one who sent the letter to Annette urging her to stay away from me. -You ready for this? I've recently discovered that our good friend Mrs. Caldwell is the one who sent the letter to Annette urging her to stay away from me. Interesting. -Interesting. I now plan to devote all my energies to destroying the douche bag. Any luck corrupting her daughter? -I now plan to devote all my energies to destroying the douche bag. Any luck corrupting her daughter? No. -No. Call Cecile up and get her to come over. I'll bust that cherry in a heartbeat. -The plot thickens. It appears that Cecile has fallen for her music teacher. Ooo, I'm sure Mrs. Caldwell will love that. -Ooo, I'm sure Mrs. Caldwell will love that. Not to mention Court Reynolds. Unfortunately, Ronald's moving with the speed of a Special Olympic Bobsledder. -Not to mention Court Reynolds. Unfortunately, Ronald's moving with the speed of a Special Olympic Bobsledder. What's your plan of attack? -What's your plan of attack? I rat Cecile out to mommy. Mommy goes ballistic and ends their relationship. Boo hoo. -I rat Cecile out to mommy. Mommy goes ballistic and ends their relationship. Boo hoo. But who will they turn to for help? -I'm at your service. Thank you. Mmmm, that feels good. -Thank you. Mmmm, that feels good. Oh sis. You're so tense. -I hate when things don't go my way. It makes me so horny. I hate it too. -Moving along quite well. Have you succeeded in your task? -Have you succeeded in your task? Any day now. -Any day now. Well, let me know when you do. Until then. -Who are you calling? Cecile. -Before we go through with this, I just want you to be aware of the damage we're going to cause. I'm aware. -Are you really? I mean, we've done some pretty fucked up shit in our time but this... I mean, we're destroying an innocent girl. You do realize that. What is that? Oh my God, it's your conscience. -You amaze me. "Eat me, Sebastian. It's alright for you to fuck everyone, but because I'm a girl it's wrong. Well let me tell you something, I didn't ask to be a girl. Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine twenty four seven, so I can be considered a ""laaaady."" Do you think I take great delight when I hear - ""Kathryn is so wonderful."" ""Kathryn is a model child."" ""Kathryn is going to make an excellent wife one day."" I'm the Marsha fucking Brady of the upper East Side and sometimes I want to kill myself for it. No, I don't enjoy being a part of the weaker sex and for that reason everyone around me is going to suffer. So there's your psychoanalysis Doctor Freud. Now are you in or are you out?" -I just had a nice chat with Cecile. I don't think she'll be giving you anymore problems. Yippy. -Yippy. Who are you spying on? -Who are you spying on? Take a look for yourself. -That her? Yeah. -Yeah. Jesus, she reeks of Laura Ashley. Oh, she's crying. Wittle baby's upset by the big bad book. -Shut up. What's your problem? -What's your problem? Nothing. -Nothing. She's really getting to you, isn't she? -She's really getting to you, isn't she? If you must know, yes. I don't know what to do. I can't stand that holier than thou bullshit and yet, I'm completely infatuated with her. She made me laugh. -If you must know, yes. I don't know what to do. I can't stand that holier than thou bullshit and yet, I'm completely infatuated with her. She made me laugh. And that's why you're losing your bet? -And that's why you're losing your bet? I'm not losing the bet. It's just taking longer than I expected. -I'm not losing the bet. It's just taking longer than I expected. Do you mind if I take my new Porsche for a ride? -Do you mind if I take my new Porsche for a ride? Kathryn, the only thing you're going to be riding is me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do. -Morning! Morning. -Morning. So? How'd it go last night? -So? How'd it go last night? With who? -With who? Well I know how it went with Cecile. She won't shut up about it. How'd it go with Mrs. Jesus? -If your asking if I nailed her the answer is no. She shot you down. -She shot you down. Exactly the opposite. -Exactly the opposite. So what went wrong? -So what went wrong? I don't know. She was lying on the bed, ready to do it, but I-- I don't, I was... I just didn't feel right about it. -I don't know. She was lying on the bed, ready to do it, but I-- I don't, I was... I just didn't feel right about it. You're telling me you had the chance to fuck her and you didn't. God are you a chump. -You're telling me you had the chance to fuck her and you didn't. God are you a chump. A momentary lapse of judgment, soon to be rectified. -If you're heading towards her room, you won't find her. Where is she? -Where is she? You don't know? She left thirty minutes ago. -You don't know? She left thirty minutes ago. Where'd she go? -Where'd she go? She wouldn't say. She apologized to your aunt and told her she was going to stay with some friends. You blew it, Sebastian. That girl has come to her senses and she will never go near you again. -Bad time? Kind of. -Kind of. Well, you obviously wanted me to witness your little adventure or else you wouldn't have invited me in. -You didn't? Oh yes. -Oh yes. Tell me all the details. -Tell me all the details. It was... Fantastic. -It was... Fantastic. Oh come on. For her first time? -Oh come on. For her first time? I know. That's the amazing part of it. I mean, it wasn't like Cirque du Soleil acrobatics, just standard missionary stuff, but it was... ah forget it. I'm going to sound like a Hallmark card. -I know. That's the amazing part of it. I mean, it wasn't like Cirque du Soleil acrobatics, just standard missionary stuff, but it was... ah forget it. I'm going to sound like a Hallmark card. No, tell me. -No, tell me. It was... it was like the emotional part outweighed the physical part. -It was... it was like the emotional part outweighed the physical part. Wow. So you made love. Ooo, I hear the birds chirping. -Wow. So you made love. Ooo, I hear the birds chirping. Mock, mock, mock. -Some other time. Excuse me? -Excuse me? I'm not in the mood. -I'm not in the mood. And that's why you're leaving? -And that's why you're leaving? It clearly is why. -It clearly is why. I want to fuck. -I want to fuck. And I don't. -Oh my God. You're completely p-whipped. No, I'm not. -No, I'm not. P-whipped, p-whipped. -P-whipped, p-whipped. What's wrong with you? Why are you acting this way? -I'm sorry. It's just upsetting. You're in love with her. You don't love me anymore. Oh come on, Kathryn, it was just a contest. -Oh come on, Kathryn, it was just a contest. At first it was, but now it's become something bigger. -At first it was, but now it's become something bigger. Kathryn, you know I love you. I've always loved you. -Kathryn, you know I love you. I've always loved you. Not anymore you don't. It's obvious. -Not anymore you don't. It's obvious. I can't believe you're reacting this way. You're just saying this because you lost the bet. -I can't believe you're reacting this way. You're just saying this because you lost the bet. Is that what you think? -That's not fair. You're taking all the fun out of it. Then do me a favor and get rid of her. If not for me, then do it for you. Look at yourself. You're a joke. She's turned you into jelly. What do you want to be, one of those losers who walk down the halls holding hands and smiling. People used to respect you. They feared you and now you're going to throw that all away. -Why so nervous? I've never done this before. -I've never done this before. How have you dumped girls in the past? -How have you dumped girls in the past? Screening calls. Any suggestions? -Screening calls. Any suggestions? "I knew this guy last summer in the Hamptons. He and his girlfriend at the time were madly in love with each other. But she had this huge weight problem. His friends taunted him mercilessly about it. You know, ""How do you breathe when she sits on your face?"" ""It's embarrassing for you to be seen with her."" Finally he couldn't take it anymore and decided to dump her. She flipped and he went on the defensive. I distinctly remember him saying the same thing over and over again. ""I'm completely fucked up."" ""I'm completely fucked up."" ""I'm completely fucked up."" Poor fatty never had a chance." -A little melodramatic, don't you think. I have a flair for drama. -I have a flair for drama. Mind if I ask what you're doing in my room? -Mind if I ask what you're doing in my room? You wanted an answer to your question. -You wanted an answer to your question. Annette? -Devastated beyond repair. I doubt she'll ever trust a man again. Well done. -I thought we should celebrate. I'd love to, but unfortunately I'm expecting some company. -I'd love to, but unfortunately I'm expecting some company. Ronald? -Ronald? Not that it's any of your business but yes. -Well done. Thank you. Now, where were we? -To my triumph, of course. Not my choice of toast, but it's your call. To your triumph over Annette. -Silly rabbit. My triumph isn't over her. It's over you. Come again? -Come again? You were very much in love with her and you're still in love with her. But it amused me to make you ashamed of it. You gave up on the first person you ever loved because I called you names. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered that you chose me over her, but please understand, I never loved you, Sebastian. You're just a toy. A little toy I play with. And now you've completely blown it with her. I think that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Cheers. -In any event, you still owe me my reward. I'm sorry, but unfortunately I don't fuck losers. -Get off me! Will you calm down? -Will you calm down? Fine! Get off me! -I'm very sorry about that. I apologize. I accept. Now get out. -I accept. Now get out. Get out? We had an arrangement. -Get out? We had an arrangement. Didn't you hear what I said? -Didn't you hear what I said? I don't care what you said, we had an agreement. You've slept with half of the borough so don't tell me you're being choosy. -I don't care what you said, we had an agreement. You've slept with half of the borough so don't tell me you're being choosy. Get out! -Get out! I'm giving you to the count of three to plop your ass down on the bed. -I'm giving you to the count of three to plop your ass down on the bed. And if I don't? -And if I don't? Then I will consider it a declaration of war. One. Two... three. -Then I will consider it a declaration of war. One. Two... three. I think you have your answer. -I think you have your answer. War it is. -I can't tell you how happy we are that Cecile is going to be attending Oakwood with you this fall. You've always been an inspiration to Beau and I on raising her. We just hope she can rise to the high standards which you've set for her. I'll do my best. -You're too kind. How do you do it? I mean with all peer pressuring that goes on in high school. Where do you get your strength? -How do you do it? I mean with all peer pressuring that goes on in high school. Where do you get your strength? I know this sounds corny, but whenever I feel temptations of peer pressure, I... turn to God and he helps me through the problem. Call me an anachronism, but it works. -I know this sounds corny, but whenever I feel temptations of peer pressure, I... turn to God and he helps me through the problem. Call me an anachronism, but it works. That's beautiful. -Don't worry, it's totally understandable. Most of the boys that matriculate at Oakwood are very upstanding gentleman, however there are the occasional bad apples. Like your step-brother Sebastian. I can't believe they didn't expel him after what he did to the school nurse. -I got your message and came as quick as I could. I hope I didn't keep you from something. -I hope I didn't keep you from something. Not at all. What's wrong? -Not at all. What's wrong? It's Cecile. -It's Cecile. What about her? -What about her? Well... you promise you won't say anything to her. We've developed a friendship and... -Well... you promise you won't say anything to her. We've developed a friendship and... Kathryn, you have my word. It isn't drugs is it? -Kathryn, you have my word. It isn't drugs is it? It's worse. I think there's something going on between Cecile and her music teacher. -It's worse. I think there's something going on between Cecile and her music teacher. Ronald? That's crazy. -Ronald? That's crazy. I know. She's so young and he's so - -I know. She's so young and he's so - Black. -I can't thank you enough. You will be discreet about this? -You will be discreet about this? Absolutely. -Let me get that for you. Oh please. I can't have you do that. -Oh please. I can't have you do that. It's the least I can do. -Who the hell do you think you are?! Excuse me. -Excuse me. I'm paying you to give cello lessons. Not to pervert my child. -I'm paying you to give cello lessons. Not to pervert my child. Mrs. Caldwell I think you're misunderstanding something. -Mrs. Caldwell I think you're misunderstanding something. Is that so? -Got me off the streets? I live on 59th and Park. Whatever. You are never to set foot in this house again and you are never and I mean never to see my daughter again. Is that understood?! -First of all, maam, I never touched your daughter and second, I would like to think that in these times someone of your status could look beyond racial lines. Oh don't give me any of that racist crap. My husband and I gave money to Colin Powell. -Oh don't give me any of that racist crap. My husband and I gave money to Colin Powell. I guess that puts me in my place. Thank you for the hospitality Mrs. Caldwell. It was a true awakening. -Hi. Is Annette at home? You must be Sebastian. I've heard such nice things about you. -It's desperate that I talk to her. I've already told you, she's not home. -I've already told you, she's not home. Well please leave a message that I called. -Well please leave a message that I called. I'll do that. -What do you want? I need to talk to Annette. -I need to talk to Annette. She's not here. -She's not here. Do you know where she is? -Do you know where she is? She's out. -She's out. Do you know when she'll be back? -Do you know when she'll be back? Later. Listen, we're entertaining some guests so - -Later. Listen, we're entertaining some guests so - Annette! Annette! -Annette! Annette! Young man, I already told you she's not here. -Young man, I already told you she's not here. Fine. Could you please see that she gets this. -I'll do that. It's really important. -It's really important. I understand. Good night. -Did I ever tell you the time when my late husband sent me - Yes, you already did. -Yes, you already did. I did? -Right after we played backgammon. We played backgammon? -We played backgammon? Uh huh. You beat me three times. -Uh huh. You beat me three times. I did? -I did? Yep. Then I fucked your daughter. -Yep. Then I fucked your daughter. Excuse me? -I said, do you want some water? Oh... no thank you... -What time is it? Eight o'clock. You got to go. -Eight o'clock. You got to go. Did she show up? -Did she show up? Nope. -Nope. Do you mind if I check upstairs? -Do you mind if I check upstairs? I can't have you do that, nor can I have you hanging around the lobby all day. -I can't have you do that, nor can I have you hanging around the lobby all day. I understand. Thanks for letting me crash here. -I understand. Thanks for letting me crash here. Don't worry about it. -Wow. I never knew she had these kind of feelings. You're a lucky guy. -You're a lucky guy. She really loves me. -Ronald, e-mail's for geeks and pedophiles. Be romantic. Write her another letter. How will I get to her? -Hey Ronald. It seems that you and I have some talking to do. -It seems that you and I have some talking to do. Can we do it later. I've had a really bad night and - -Where the hell do you come off hitting women? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Kathryn. Did you hit her? -Kathryn. Did you hit her? Kathryn? Oh Christ, she got to you too? -Kathryn? Oh Christ, she got to you too? Did you hit her? -Did you hit her? Ronald, you don't know what you're talking about. -Ronald, you don't know what you're talking about. Don't know what I'm talking about? I know that you fucked Cecile. -Ronald, I'm sorry. You bastard! -to a situation) Really, Mr. Reed, there isn't anything to worry about. It was only a slap -- That's exactly what I told Mr. Reed, but he insisted upon remaining home from business to talk to you, Miss Callahan. -I'm so glad to have met you at last. You're just as nice as Amy told me you were. I hope you'll come to see us. I'd love to. -Oh, hello. Hello. I just met Amy and she pointed out where you live. -Oliver's pet, I'm sure it would be the first thing he'd grab if we ever had a fire. I know how it is. My Dad collects miniature canon. -But it is a part of our lives too --a part of our past, It's a Goya reproduction. Those three cats -- are supposed to be the most beautifully drawn cats in Western art. But you don't keep a cat, do you? -But you don't keep a cat, do you? We don't even like them, I've often thought of giving it away, but Oliver wouldn't stand for it. It was his first wife's favorite picture. She was an artist. -We don't even like them, I've often thought of giving it away, but Oliver wouldn't stand for it. It was his first wife's favorite picture. She was an artist. I didn't know Mr. Reed had been married before. -I didn't know Mr. Reed had been married before. Yes. As a matter of fact, I was on the point of telling you about it yesterday — about Oliver's first marriage — and his wife's death. It has so much to do with Amy — although he'll never realize it. -That the old actress -- Julia Farren? Yes, She's a little odd, I understand. -Yes, She's a little odd, I understand. But quite harmless, I'm sure. -Does she go up to the Farren's often? No. I only let her go with Edward. It's alright. -I love the smell of pine. It's one of the clearest memories I have. Twelfth night...burning pine... and mummers' plays. -It's one of the clearest memories I have. Twelfth night...burning pine... and mummers' plays. It's been ages since I've even thought of a mummers' play. When I was in college we used to do them every year — St. George and the Dragon, all kinds of sword dances. -Forgive me, but it was superstition ...foolish, childish wishes...that started, all this. What do you mean? -What do you mean? I can see it all...the very day it began. Amy was lonely; she was desperate for friendship. I remember the night she told me she had wished on her ring. That must have been the day she first wished for a friend. -It's perfectly normal for a child to dream. I can see how a sensitive little girl, finding this portrait, would take the image of this woman and make of her an imaginary friend. That image dwells only in her imagination, and that image can go as quickly as it was born. How? -How? Once the emptiness in Amy's life is filled, the dream will go of itself. If a up to you, both of you. Only you two can bring her into a real world.. You must give her the friendship and love she craves. -You get your wish! You know what I wished, Daddy? I wished I could be a good girl. -But Edward, in this kind of a wish that doesn't matter. I can make wishes like this come true. I'll be just like Daddy wants me to be -- play with the other children -- not sit around by myself — tell the truth -- -What are saying, darling? I wasn't saying anything. I was singing. -I wasn't saying anything. I was singing. I suppose any note, no matter how sour, is a song if you hold on to it long enough. -What song, dear? The song I was trying to hum. The song my friend, taught me. -The song I was trying to hum. The song my friend, taught me. Oh, you'll remember it some time. -Mommy -- Yes, darling. -Yes, darling. Did you ever make a wish? -Did you ever make a wish? Oh, lots of times. -Oh, lots of times. Did your wishes ever come true? -Did your wishes ever come true? Sometimes. -Sometimes. I made a wish today, and it came true just like Edward said it would. -Where did you get this ring? That's what I wished on. Edward says it's a wishing ring -- and it is! -That's what I wished on. Edward says it's a wishing ring -- and it is! But where did you get it, Amy? -But where did you get it, Amy? At the old house with the voice. -Someone gave it to you? Where was this old house? On the back street — a green house -On the back street — a green house The Farren house -The Farren house Do you know the people? -Do you know the people? No dear. I don't know them, but I've heard about them. -No dear. I don't know them, but I've heard about them. Are they nice? -Are they nice? I really don't know, but I do know that you must return the ring. You get Edward to take you up there and bring it back to the old lady. -Well — the mother or daughter -- whichever one gave it to you. You ask Edward to go with you. I got my wish anyway. -I got my wish anyway. You mustn't tell anybody, or it won't come true. -You mustn't tell anybody, or it won't come true. But it's already come true. -But it's already come true. Sh! Then you must keep it true. Goodnight, darling. -Edward will give you your breakfast, Amy. I had my breakfast while you were still asleep. -Where'd you get this, darling? It was right there on top. Isn't she pretty? -It was right there on top. Isn't she pretty? She was very pretty. -She was very pretty. What's her name? -What's her name? Irena. -Irena. Irena. -Irena. Look! Why don't you run out and play? The sun's shining. -Look! Why don't you run out and play? The sun's shining. All right, mommy. -Oh, thank you, darling. You can't open it yet. You have to put all of them under the tree until morning. -Mommy, could Edward take me to Mrs. Farren's house to give her her present? Wouldn't it be just the same, darling, if daddy dropped the present at Mrs. Farren's on his way to town tomorrow morning? -Wouldn't it be just the same, darling, if daddy dropped the present at Mrs. Farren's on his way to town tomorrow morning? But it won't be Christmas tomorrow. -But it won't be Christmas tomorrow. All right, Amy. Go tell Edward to take you. -Well, it shows imagination, anyhow. I wonder if you don't resent that in her? -I wonder if you don't resent that in her? I'm sure I don't, Alice. It's something else -- something moody -- something sickly -- She could almost be Irena's child. -I'd hate her to grow up like that. She's not Irena's child -- there's nothing of Irena in her. She's my child. -All I have to do is look at Amy's eyes, blue and deep like yours. I'm not a jealous woman, Oliver. -I'm not a jealous woman, Oliver. I know that. -I know that. That's why I can tell you, straight out, you think too much about Irena -- blame yourself for her death. And its your thinking and brooding about her that makes you so unnaturally concerned about Amy. -That's why I can tell you, straight out, you think too much about Irena -- blame yourself for her death. And its your thinking and brooding about her that makes you so unnaturally concerned about Amy. No. It's not that. It's because I know what can happen when people begin to lie to themselves -- imagine things. I love Amy too much to let her lose herself in a dream world where butterflies become pals. I saw what happened to Irena with her Cat People. -No. It's not that. It's because I know what can happen when people begin to lie to themselves -- imagine things. I love Amy too much to let her lose herself in a dream world where butterflies become pals. I saw what happened to Irena with her Cat People. I know, dear. I understand. But try to worry a little less about her -- be a little easier in your thinking. And especially today — let's forget about it. We want a really bang-up birthday party, don't we? -I know, dear. I understand. But try to worry a little less about her -- be a little easier in your thinking. And especially today — let's forget about it. We want a really bang-up birthday party, don't we? "You make me sound like the father in ""East Lynne.""" -"You make me sound like the father in ""East Lynne.""" Darling, no father could be nicer to a child than you are to Amy. -Why don't you take off your hat and stay awhile? I forgot I had it on. -Where is everybody? It's early yet. -It's early yet. It's nearly a quarter after four. The party was for four, wasn't it? -It's nearly a quarter after four. The party was for four, wasn't it? Yes, darling, -Yes, darling, Gosh, in my day kids arrived at birthday parties before anybody was ready for them, -Gosh, in my day kids arrived at birthday parties before anybody was ready for them, Times have changed. -Oilie, that's for the children to play with. No kids yet. Something's gone wrong. Maybe I ought to call somebody. -No kids yet. Something's gone wrong. Maybe I ought to call somebody. All right, Ollie. Go ahead. Call the Boyds...3000W...see if their darling Donald has left. -All right, Ollie. Go ahead. Call the Boyds...3000W...see if their darling Donald has left. I think I should. 3000W? -I think I should. 3000W? That's right. -Something's haywire, What do you mean? -What do you mean? I called not only the Boyds but the Irvings. Neither of them received invitations. -I called not only the Boyds but the Irvings. Neither of them received invitations. But they must have. Amy and I made them out together. You mailed them, didn't you, Edward? -My, my, what a coil we're in! What's this all about? Amy's been lying again. -Did you hear the child out? Well, it seemed to me -- -Well, it seemed to me -- You mean you didn't. It seems to me the least you could do. You can't just jump at conclusions that way. You're being unfair. -You mean you didn't. It seems to me the least you could do. You can't just jump at conclusions that way. You're being unfair. I'm never unfair. -I'm never unfair. You're shouting at me. -You're shouting at me. I'm not shouting at you, but there's no doubt in my mind that you spoil this child! -What is it, Alice? I thought Amy was calling. I guess not. -Ollie. What? -What? It's your play. -It's your play. I'm sorry. I was somewhere else. He returns to the card game. -I haven't had my breakfast. Well, you know where it is. -Where did you get it? Amy picked it off the top of that stack. Perhaps you'd better go through the whole bunch. There may be others of Irena in there. -Some day I'm afraid we're going to have to tell her about Irena. I suppose so. -What's funny? That darn kid. I never in my life expected her to get an A in arithmetic. Math's is a practical science --- if she understands figures, she's well out of her own world of make-believe. -Oliver, please. Let's not go on with this. The child's trembling. We've got to go on. Amy, here, all this time, you've let your mother and father think you had forgotten that old dream life of yours. Now we find you've only kept it secret. -I thought you were with Amy. No, she went runnin' off to some old house she was talkin' about yesterday. -No, she went runnin' off to some old house she was talkin' about yesterday. That's the Farren house. -That's the Farren house. Is that where she got the ring, Mrs. Reed? She shouldn't be up there. -Is that where she got the ring, Mrs. Reed? She shouldn't be up there. But I told her to go with you. -But I told her to go with you. She said something about that, Mrs. Reed — but she didn't tell me it was the Farren house. I'll get my other hat and coat and go over there. -She said something about that, Mrs. Reed — but she didn't tell me it was the Farren house. I'll get my other hat and coat and go over there. You do that, Edward. -It's late, Mommy -- you haven't forgotten my birthday party. Your birthday, Amy -- as she goes) -- and I have something for you in my locker. A present. -Your birthday, Amy -- as she goes) -- and I have something for you in my locker. A present. Mommy's having a party for me. I asked Robert, and Donald, and Lois -- -Hello, Amy. Are you coming to see us. Miss Callahan? -Are you coming to see us. Miss Callahan? No, darling, I hadn't intended to. -No, darling, I hadn't intended to. I live right here. -I live right here. Maybe I'll drop in and see your Mommy. -I got lots of presents. And you should. Your mommy tells me you've been such a good girl, and your daddy is so pleased with you. -Is that my birthday cake? May I see? You'll see it when it's all lit and ready for you. -Amy, you remember the party invitations Edward, gave you to mail? Yes, daddy. -Yes, daddy. Did you mail then? -Did you mail then? Yes, I did. -Yes, I did. Where did you mail them? -Where did you mail them? I'll show you. -Amy, not that old tree! Yes, daddy. -Yes, daddy. But I told you about that so long ago; you couldn't have been more than three when I told you that tree was a magic mailbox. -But I told you about that so long ago; you couldn't have been more than three when I told you that tree was a magic mailbox. I didn't forget. -I didn't forget. But, Amy, that was just a story; it wasn't real. That tree's no mailbox. -Amy, make a wish. Wish real hard, and then blow out the candles, and your wish will come true. But wishes don't come true. -But wishes don't come true. Certain wishes do. -Certain wishes do. But you told me in the garden-- that the wish about the tree couldn't come true. -But you told me in the garden-- that the wish about the tree couldn't come true. But this is different. Go on blow, -What do you want. Amy? I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to tell you about the other children. -I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to tell you about the other children. Can't you tell me later? -Can't you tell me later? But I didn't play with them, Daddy. They wouldn't play with me. -What do you mean you didn't play with the other children? It was on account of the birthday party. -It was on account of the birthday party. Because you didn't ask them? I don't blame them for being angry. Why didn't you explain what happened? -Because you didn't ask them? I don't blame them for being angry. Why didn't you explain what happened? They ran away. -They ran away. Why didn't you run after them? -Why didn't you run after them? I did. I came to an old dark house, and a voice called to me -- a lovely, sweet voice --- -Now Amy It's true. -It's true. And who did the voice belong to? -And who did the voice belong to? It was just a voice. -It was just a voice. Now look, this is the last time you come to me with any such stories — I'm sick of this sort of thing. -Now look, this is the last time you come to me with any such stories — I'm sick of this sort of thing. Daddy, it's true. -Daddy, it's true. Let me be the judge of that. -No, I didn't. Voices from an old dark house! -I'm sorry. Daddy and Mommy are a little upset. You're upset about me -- I made you fight --I hate for you to fight. -These are all from me. "This one says, ""To Mother from Amy.""" -Just you wait! And this one's for Mrs. Farren. -And this one's for Mrs. Farren. She gave me a ring, so I'm giving her a ring. I paid twenty-five cents for it, too. -She gave me a ring, so I'm giving her a ring. I paid twenty-five cents for it, too. This one hasn't got a name on it. Who's this one for, Amy? -Daddy! Yes, Amy? -Yes, Amy? Why, daddy, you know my friend too! -Amy, answer me. Why did you call her your friend? Because she is my friend. -It isn't a secret. She plays with me. She plays with me in the garden all the time. Right out there in the garden, she does! In the garden? Would she be there now? -In the garden? Would she be there now? She's there whenever I call her! -She's there, just like I said she'd be. Where, Amy? Where do you see her? -Where, Amy? Where do you see her? Don't you see her?...Right there, under the tree. -Amy, there's nothing there. There's no one at all in the garden. But Irena is in the garden. She's right there, under the tree. -But Irena is in the garden. She's right there, under the tree. Listen, darling. I want you to look once more. Take as long as you want. Look very carefully, and then I want you to tell me that no one's there. -Listen, darling. I want you to look once more. Take as long as you want. Look very carefully, and then I want you to tell me that no one's there. But... -But... I have eyes too, and I tell you no one's there. If you deny that, if you insist that this woman you call your friend is in the garden, then I'm afraid I shall have to punish you. Do you understand? -Yes, she was afraid. She said there was someone who wanted to kill me. But there's no one here, darling. -But there's no one here, darling. She's upstairs.. .the lady who lives up there. -Daddy? Yes, darling. -Yes, darling. Tell me tha real truth. You can see my friend, can't you? -What'd you get for Christmas? I don't know yet. -I don't know yet. My goodness, don't you open your presents until Christmas morning? -My goodness, don't you open your presents until Christmas morning? No. -No. We open ours on Christmas Eve. That's considered proper. -We open ours on Christmas Eve. That's considered proper. Well, I guess we're not a very proper family. -Who are you? You called me by my name. -You called me by my name. Irena. But who are you? -Irena. But who are you? I'm your friend. -I'm your friend. I've wanted a friend. -I've wanted a friend. I've wanted a friend too. I've been lonely. -I've wanted a friend too. I've been lonely. But where do you come from? -But where do you come from? You wouldn't understand. I come from great darkness and deep peace -You wouldn't understand. I come from great darkness and deep peace But where is that? -But where is that? I can not tell you. -I can not tell you. Will you be friend for always? -Will you be friend for always? For as long as you'll let me. -For as long as you'll let me. I shall want you for always. -I shall want you for always. For always, then. Only you must promise never to tell anyone about me -For always, then. Only you must promise never to tell anyone about me Not even Daddy...or Mommy? -Not even Daddy...or Mommy? No. This must be a friendship that only we shall have... you and I... Amy and her friend. -No. This must be a friendship that only we shall have... you and I... Amy and her friend. Oh, I like the sound of that.., Amy and her friend... Amy and her friend. -You'll always play with me? Whenever you want. -Can't you get it, darling? I'll just never learn arithmetic. -I'll just never learn arithmetic. But you must! -But you must! The numbers simply don't mean anything -The numbers simply don't mean anything Oh yes they do. Look. One is like a tall princess. -Oh yes they do. Look. One is like a tall princess. A princess? -A princess? Of course. And Two is the prince who kneels before her on one knee. -Of course. And Two is the prince who kneels before her on one knee. Yes, yes! I see Prince, -Yes, yes! I see Prince, That's right! -That's right! This is more fun than just pretend. -This is more fun than just pretend. Of course, -There's an oak leaf. Add a maple. That one's an elm. -That one's an elm. light shining) in her eyes) Throw sea weeds into the flames, and the fire turns blue! -light shining) in her eyes) Throw sea weeds into the flames, and the fire turns blue! But we don't have any sea weed. -But we don't have any sea weed. Pretend, darling. It's All Soul's Eve. Round about the fire we go... Over the flames we leapt -No, I don't think that's very much fun. Let's play house instead. You be the friend who comes to see me. I'll show you my children. Your children? -Your children? My dolls. We can pretend. -All right, Amy. Button your sweater, darling. It's turning cold. Yes, winter's coming. I don't like the winter, -Yes, winter's coming. I don't like the winter, Oh, but the winter's fun. There's the wind and the snow. You'll like the warm fire upon the hearth, and the long, long nights. -Merry Christmas, Irena. I brought you a present. Oh, thank you, Amy. -Oh, thank you, Amy. You can open it now, I guess. Lois Huggins says that's proper, -Oh, how beautiful! It reminded me of you, so I bought it. It cost me more than all the others. -It reminded me of you, so I bought it. It cost me more than all the others. I shall wear it in my hair! -I shall wear it in my hair! Oh, that is more beautiful than I ever imagined it! I wish I could show you to mommy and daddy. I wish you could enjoy Christmas with us. -Oh, that is more beautiful than I ever imagined it! I wish I could show you to mommy and daddy. I wish you could enjoy Christmas with us. You and I shall enjoy Christmas together. Shall I show you my Christmas gift to you? -You and I shall enjoy Christmas together. Shall I show you my Christmas gift to you? Oh, please! -Merry Christmas. A merry Christmas to you, Amy. -So beautiful, Irena. So beautiful. You wanted to share this moment with me. -You wanted to share this moment with me. It stands so still. -It stands so still. Because it knows it can move with the swiftness of strong wind. -Because it knows it can move with the swiftness of strong wind. I can sea its breath in the cold. -I can sea its breath in the cold. It's a warm breath -- warm and strong — warmed by the sunlight that shone on the deer's back in the hot summer; sweet with leaves and mosses. -It's a warm breath -- warm and strong — warmed by the sunlight that shone on the deer's back in the hot summer; sweet with leaves and mosses. May I pet the deer? -May I pet the deer? It is wildness and freedom. No one can touch it. -It is wildness and freedom. No one can touch it. I want to touch it. -It's you...Irena...my friend! Don't cry, Amy. -Don't cry, Amy. She's dead! I know what it is now when people say somebody died. I know what they mean! And I'm afraid. She's dead; she's dead! -You mustn't be afraid. But she's dead! -But she's dead! Amy, listen to me. Death isn't such a terrible thing. -Amy, listen to me. Death isn't such a terrible thing. Oh, it is, it is! Death's terrible. -Oh, it is, it is! Death's terrible. But, Amy! Amy...I'm dead. -You? Yes, Amy. -Yes, Amy. But why? -But why? Death's like life. Death's a part of life. It isn't frightening. It isn't the end of everything. It isn't quiet and nothingness. It's a part of all eternity. -Getting the yard all fixed up for your party, Amy. You'd better hurry and get yourself fixed up too. Mommy's taking me upstairs to change my dress right away. -Look at my ring. That's a fine-looking ring. -That's a fine-looking ring. A lady threw it to me. -A lady threw it to me. Most surely that was a nice lady to give a ring to a little girl. -Most surely that was a nice lady to give a ring to a little girl. It's a pretty ring. -It's a pretty ring. I wouldn't be surprised if it were a true wishing ring. -A ring that I can wish on like I wished on the candles? Maybe, if it's a real mourning ring like we have in Jamaica. All you got to do is turn it on your finger, close your eyes, and make a wish. -Maybe, if it's a real mourning ring like we have in Jamaica. All you got to do is turn it on your finger, close your eyes, and make a wish. the ring up to him) What's a mourning ring? -the ring up to him) What's a mourning ring? They're given to the living in memory of the dead. If this is a real one -- I can't be sure -- you can make a wish, and it will come true in the twinkling of an eye. -They're given to the living in memory of the dead. If this is a real one -- I can't be sure -- you can make a wish, and it will come true in the twinkling of an eye. Well, if it's a real mourning ring,. I'm going to think hard for something I want more than anything else in the world before I wish. -Well, if it's a real mourning ring,. I'm going to think hard for something I want more than anything else in the world before I wish. That's the clever way to do it. -Been crying? That won't please your Daddy. You'd bettor cheer yourself up. I'm trying to. -I'm trying to. Let me take another look at that ring. -I wasn't singing to myself. Oh, I suppose it was to the wind you sang, or maybe to the sun, or the clouds, or maybe it was to the flowers in the garden. -Little miss, you're stopping me in my work. But I want to talk to you. Mommy says for you to come up to the old house with me. I've got to take back this ring. -But I want to talk to you. Mommy says for you to come up to the old house with me. I've got to take back this ring. You just wait until I finish here. I've got to dust these ships for your Dad. -You just wait until I finish here. I've got to dust these ships for your Dad. Will you come soon? -Will you come soon? Soon as I finish. -You're going to be busy all day long, Edward. I do suppose so. But if you were there yesterday, guess you can get there today. -I do suppose so. But if you were there yesterday, guess you can get there today. That means I can go alone? -About time for you to come home, Amy. But Mrs. Farren just started to tell me a story. Please. -Little miss, don't you never come here alone. You gave me a fright, you did. But she's such a nice lady. -But she's such a nice lady. But I don't want you coming here alone. You get me to go with you when you want to come here. You promise? -There was a deer on the other side of the fence. It's a hard winter. All the animals are bold as brass, coming down into the streets for food. You'll see a lot of deer this winter. -Mustn't look, little miss. Mustn't look. But I saw what it was. It's the little deer. -Bad luck to see death in the snow. But what happened to the little deer? -But what happened to the little deer? Probably hit by a car. Hard to see things in the twilight. -Probably hit by a car. Hard to see things in the twilight. Why is it just lying there? Why doesn't it get up? -Why is it just lying there? Why doesn't it get up? Because it can't. It's dead. -Because it can't. It's dead. But it was alive — it was fast and strong! -But it was alive — it was fast and strong! It got hit. -It got hit. But where has it gone? Where's all the strength and the quickness? -I've been watching you. You couldn't see me, but I could see you. It was like peeking through a slit in the curtain before the play began. You would be a very good audience. I can see that. If you were the lady who gave me a ring, my mother says I have to give it back to you. -If you were the lady who gave me a ring, my mother says I have to give it back to you. Return it to me? Indeed you may not. I gave it to you as a present. -But my mother says I mustn't accept gifts from strangers. Stranger? Julia Farren a stranger. Why I've played every theatre from Boston to San Francisco. I've been to London and Paris. Those days — those beautiful, shilling, golden days. -Stranger? Julia Farren a stranger. Why I've played every theatre from Boston to San Francisco. I've been to London and Paris. Those days — those beautiful, shilling, golden days. But I only came to give back the ring. -But I only came to give back the ring. The ring? We'll have no more nonsense about the ring. -She's always spying on me. She creeps into the room. She lives upstairs, yet she's always watching me — always! Who is she? -Who is she? That woman is an imposter, a liar, and a cheat. How do you like your tea? 
                                AMY Well... .sometimes I got a spoonful of tea in a cup of hot milk.
-There you are. Take some cake, why don't you?	No, thank you.
-No, thank you.	One little piece of cake won't hurt you. Go ahead, take one. It's full of fruit...citron, cherries and ginger. It'll make you dream. Yes, wonderful dreams.
-I like stories.	Then I'll tell you a story — a lovely story. Do you know the story of Rapunzel?
-Then I'll tell you a story — a lovely story. Do you know the story of Rapunzel?	Mommy read it to ne.
-Mommy read it to ne.	"Do you know the story of ""The Headless Horseman?"""
-The Headless Horseman --	Why hasn't he got a head?
-Why hasn't he got a head?	It was shot off long ago in the great battles that were fought here; with the British on one side and the Americans on the other.
-He'll let me stay, Mrs. Farren. He'll let me stay.	Good.
-I brought you a present. Merry Christmas.	A Christmas present. It's been so long since I've had a Christmas present.
-What?	Don't you hear it?
-Who's Herne the Huntsman?	Don't you read Shakespeare?
-And does he kill people?	No, not people -- just deer and game, but the people he catches can never be free again. They too must kill and kill, covering themselves with blood.
-Hide me? Why?	My little girl said she'd kill you if you came to see me. I can't let you die. We'll have to hide you.
-Hurry, hurry.	Yes, yes -
-Hurry!	I can't do it! I can't do it!
-My daughter, Barbara, died when she was six. That was long ago. You're only the woman who keeps care of me. I know you.	Look at me.
-You didn't even open my present and I'm your daughter.	My daughter died long ago.
-I hate the storm. I hate it!	The storms have done everything they can to me, I don't hate them. I don't even hear the wind. It blows beyond me. It was on such a night as this that Barbara died.
-The storms have done everything they can to me, I don't hate them. I don't even hear the wind. It blows beyond me. It was on such a night as this that Barbara died.	But I am Barbara. I didn't die.
-But I am Barbara. I didn't die.	My Barbara was killed. I killed her. Yes, it was my fault. Everyone told me not to drive from the theatre. There was a raging wind that night, and snow and ice. All was well until we got to the Sleepy Hollow bridge. Barbara was singing a little song and then ...I don't know how it happened ..when I awakened, they told me the car was overturned, and they wouldn't let me see Barbara. Barbara was dead.
-Oh, doesn't that prove something to you? Doesn't it?	Anybody could know that song.
-Look at me. Look at me, mother darling. Look into my eyes. What color eyes did Barbara have?	Gray. They were a lovely, lovely gray.
-Gray. They were a lovely, lovely gray.	And my eyes...my eyes are gray. Look! You see!
-And my eyes...my eyes are gray. Look! You see!	Yes...yes, that's true.
-Yes...yes, that's true.	And my hair...what color hair did Barbara have?
-And my hair...what color hair did Barbara have?	It was pale...a shadowed gold.
-Mother! You called me by name!	Yes, Barbara... Barbara...
-Promise me you won't forget tomorrow. You'll remember, won't you? You won't say that it was just a dream. Promise me.	Yes. Yes, Barbara, I shan't forget.
-There's another promise you must make me. That little girl who comes here...she mustn't ever come to see you again. Promise me you won't see her.	I-shan't see her. No, Barbara, no.
-I-shan't see her. No, Barbara, no.	If that child comes here...if I find her trying to steal your love from me...I'll kill her. Yes, I'll kill her:
-If that child comes here...if I find her trying to steal your love from me...I'll kill her. Yes, I'll kill her:	I'll not see her, Barbara. I promise.
-Good night, mother, good night.	Good night...Barbara...
-Let the child stay.	Now, I don't know Amy --
-On the dark nights — on the stormy nights -- you can hear him. He passes like the wind; The flapping and fluttering of his great cloak beating like gaunt wings. The thunder of his horse's hooves is loud, loud and louder, beating hard, beating strong on the frozen ground as he comes riding, riding, riding.	Little miss, you can't stay here. You've got to come with me.
-...At the hour of midnight, down the road that goes through Sleepy Hollow, across the bridge, he goes galloping, galloping, always searching, always seeking	Come away, Amy.
-There's a present you haven't opened yet, ma'am.	That's from her -- that woman.
-It's some animal hurt in the woods that made that sound.	Wait a minute. Listen.
-It's dark. We'd better be getting on. The family will be waiting.	Such a brief visit, but dear child, it has made my Christmas very merry.
-Everything all right down there at the school, Mr. Reed?	Yes, everything's all right, Edward.
-Yes, everything's all right, Edward.	When I first heard all that talk about you going down to the school to see the teacher I got really afeard.  I thought maybe you night call off this birthday party -- and me with the cake already in the oven.
-When I first heard all that talk about you going down to the school to see the teacher I got really afeard.  I thought maybe you night call off this birthday party -- and me with the cake already in the oven.	I imagine a child would have to commit murder or rob the Seventh National Bank of Tarrytown to be deprived of a birthday party.
-I thought we were going to save those leaves you were burning for the compost bin.	Got more leaf mold now than we'll ever need, Mr. Reed.  I thought I'd burn 'em up and get the yard clean.
-You won't have long to wait. In just a few minutes this house will be overflowing with boys and girls. Off with you now, Amy. Go out and watch from the gate for all the children who'll be coming.	Go on -- out with you.
-Well, ma'am, the truth is, I gave them to Amy hersolf to post.	And Amy mailed them?
-And Amy mailed them?	She pleaded so to do it
-Amy looks happy — seems almost as if she were playing with another child; like somebody else were running with her and playing.	I like to see her happy.
-I like to see her happy.	So do I, Mr. Reed.
-I didn't even have to coax her tonight.	That's because she made a promise, and she'a keeping it, aren't you, darling.  You saw the way she played this afternoon, Edward.
-That's because she made a promise, and she'a keeping it, aren't you, darling.  You saw the way she played this afternoon, Edward.	Indeed I did. Up and down the garden she went, laughing and singing to herself.
-"""To Daddy from Amy."" Here's one for Miss Callahan. This one says, ""To Edward from Amy.""."	Good heavens! What could you be giving me. Little Miss?
-I know it may seem stupid of me--but it isn't the slap I'm worried about -- it's the reason.	Something to do with a butterfly-- they were quarreling about it.
-Something to do with a butterfly-- they were quarreling about it.	No. Amy slapped Donald because he had hurt the butterfly -- and it was her friend.
-No. Amy slapped Donald because he had hurt the butterfly -- and it was her friend.	Well, that seems a harmless fancy --
-Well, that seems a harmless fancy --	Amy has too many fancies -- too few friends. It worries me. It doesn't seem normal.
-You'd better hurry.  I've left Amy in the car and she's getting impatient.  She tells me there's something especially important about a sixth birthday.	We'll see that she gets there in good time
-She refuses to deny it. She continues to believe in her lies.	But don't you see...it's just what I was about to say to Alice...Amy in her own mind may not be lying.
-But don't you see...it's just what I was about to say to Alice...Amy in her own mind may not be lying.	But there was nothing, no one in the garden.
-But there was nothing, no one in the garden.	She needed, a companion, so out of her own hunger she created one. In her mind her friend was in the garden. In her mind her friend never leaves her. Right this very minute I'm sure she's upstairs sobbing out her grief to a friend who exists only in her mind.
-But we have. She's wanted for nothing.	Perhaps she's wanted for understanding.
-It all starts with them going to the bathroom together.	That many women in one place -- nothing good can come from that.
-That many women in one place -- nothing good can come from that.	Sorry about Frida. She's been friends with Jen forever.
-Sorry about Frida. She's been friends with Jen forever.	What's with her? If they're not bleeding they're PMSing. If they're not PMSing, they're warning you about the impending doom. If you're lucky, you get a sane person one week a month. Then you gotta date three or four women just to get some normalcy in your life.
-I'm lucky Jen's not like that.	I don't believe in PMS. Women made it up just so they can be bitchy.
-I don't believe in PMS. Women made it up just so they can be bitchy.	My brother has an answer to PMS. A-S-S: Abundant Sperm Syndrome. A man gets sperm build-up, and if his woman isn't givin' it to 'em, he's gotta get it elsewhere.
-My brother has an answer to PMS. A-S-S: Abundant Sperm Syndrome. A man gets sperm build-up, and if his woman isn't givin' it to 'em, he's gotta get it elsewhere.	Yeah and when your woman says you're an ass, say yes, I have Abundant Sperm Syndrome.
-Waiter! She needs more water.	Can we get some service here?
-No way is that the same chick. The other one was a dog.	Jennifer gave her a make-over.
-Jennifer gave her a make-over.	Looks like a helluva lot more than a make-over. Was there surgery involved?
-Guess you like those Coyote Ugly steaks now, huh?	Sorry, don't mean to be wolfing down. I'm just starving.
-Sorry, don't mean to be wolfing down. I'm just starving.	Don't apologize. It's great to see a woman really enjoying her food. I hate it when I buy a woman dinner and she won't even touch it.
-"No one I've run into knows what ""coyote ugly"" means."	"Maybe that bartender made it up. I mean I think coyotes are rather beautiful. Maybe ""coyote ugly"" is really a compliment. Like someone who's conventionally ""ugly"" but is really beautiful."
-"Maybe that bartender made it up. I mean I think coyotes are rather beautiful. Maybe ""coyote ugly"" is really a compliment. Like someone who's conventionally ""ugly"" but is really beautiful."	Yeah that's like a three bagger. Today a bag is also a condom, so now a three bagger can be a chick that's really hot. So hot you gotta put several condoms on to dull the senses.
-Sorry I didn't recognize you earlier. You look so different.	I've changed a lot lately.
-You shouldn't smoke. It'll kill you.	Yeah yeah I know. Smoking kills. I'll quit someday. Doesn't it seem like all the cool people smoke?
-Yeah yeah I know. Smoking kills. I'll quit someday. Doesn't it seem like all the cool people smoke?	No.
-No.	James Dean, Humphrey Bogart...
-James Dean, Humphrey Bogart...	Yul Brynner. They're all dead.
-Yul Brynner. They're all dead.	Yeah but they looked cool...
-What?	Your lips look delicious.
-Wow your body's really hot.	I've been working out.
-I've been working out.	I mean body temperature. Do you have a fever?
-I mean body temperature. Do you have a fever?	Never felt better.
-A bite... Where'd you get bitten?	At Victoria's Secret.
-There was a sale.	I mean where on your body?
-I mean where on your body?	Oh, on my wrist.
-A dog at Victoria's Secret?	No, it was another woman.
-How's the rest of your health?	Good. Except for PMS.
-PMS. What symptoms are you experiencing?	It's hard to describe. I get really bloated and irritable and emotional and depressed and...
-It's hard to describe. I get really bloated and irritable and emotional and depressed and...	That's just part of being a woman. Diet and exercise should help. Avoid salt, sugar, starches, caffeine, alcohol...
-That's just part of being a woman. Diet and exercise should help. Avoid salt, sugar, starches, caffeine, alcohol...	What else is there?
-What else is there?	And keep a journal of your symptoms to make sure it's related to your period and not just in your head.
-And keep a journal of your symptoms to make sure it's related to your period and not just in your head.	It's not just in my head.
-That bite healed up quickly. It's been about three weeks?	Nearly four.
-Nearly four.	How have you been feeling?
-How have you been feeling?	Okay, but I'm worried about the next PMS bout. It's gotten worse. I'm not myself during it. I get bloated, irritable, my breasts get huge, my nails turn into claws, my teeth get sharper and I have more facial and body hair.
-Okay, but I'm worried about the next PMS bout. It's gotten worse. I'm not myself during it. I get bloated, irritable, my breasts get huge, my nails turn into claws, my teeth get sharper and I have more facial and body hair.	Sounds all stress related. Your teeth may feel sharper if you're grinding them at night. You don't seem hairy to me. Is that all?
-Sounds all stress related. Your teeth may feel sharper if you're grinding them at night. You don't seem hairy to me. Is that all?	I get crazy dreams and I black out.
-I get crazy dreams and I black out.	"Diet and exercise, that's all there is. I'm not a big proponent of the PMS craze, but there's a book my wife mentioned called ""The PMS Diet,"" which may be helpful."
-"Diet and exercise, that's all there is. I'm not a big proponent of the PMS craze, but there's a book my wife mentioned called ""The PMS Diet,"" which may be helpful."	Does she have PMS?
-Does she have PMS?	Now it's menopause. She's always hot. I gotta wear a parka around the house cause she keeps it so cold. It's always something.
-Jennifer?	No it's mom.
-No it's mom.	Mom!
-"We're worried about you. ""60 Minutes"" was on same-sex couples."	What does that have to do with me?
-What does that have to do with me?	You haven't mentioned dating anyone since Mark and, well you're not a lesbian are you?
-You haven't mentioned dating anyone since Mark and, well you're not a lesbian are you?	No, I'm not a lesbian. Geez mom.
-No, I'm not a lesbian. Geez mom.	It's okay if you are, we just want to know. I don't want to be expecting grandchildren if...
-I have cramps. I can't believe I let you talk me into this.	Come on, we've been double dating since the fourth grade.
-Come on, we've been double dating since the fourth grade.	Yeah even then look what happened: Michael Mortenson kissed you and Billy Sullivan threw a worm at me.
-Yeah even then look what happened: Michael Mortenson kissed you and Billy Sullivan threw a worm at me.	Well that's not going to happen tonight. George said Carlton's a nice guy.
-Well that's not going to happen tonight. George said Carlton's a nice guy.	Translation: a total geek.
-Translation: a total geek.	Anything's better than Mark.
-Anything's better than Mark.	My shrink says he's not so bad.
-My shrink says he's not so bad.	Your shrink always gives you bad advice. He only hears what you choose to tell him. Mark's an asshole, he cheated, he borrowed money and never paid it back, he's never had a regular job.
-Your shrink always gives you bad advice. He only hears what you choose to tell him. Mark's an asshole, he cheated, he borrowed money and never paid it back, he's never had a regular job.	He's a very talented musician.
-He's a very talented musician.	Every woman at some point has to date a musician. I wish you'd get rid of Mark for good. Every time you break up you see him more than when you were going out.
-Every woman at some point has to date a musician. I wish you'd get rid of Mark for good. Every time you break up you see him more than when you were going out.	I guess I have a weakness for him. It's those big brown Bambi eyes.
-I guess I have a weakness for him. It's those big brown Bambi eyes.	So don't look in his eyes.
-I wonder what it's like being you. Being noticed all the time.	People notice you Frida.
-He hasn't said one word to me.	Maybe he's just shy.
-Maybe he's just shy.	My date always pays more attention to you than to me.
-My date always pays more attention to you than to me.	Frida, I don't mean this as a criticism, but you might not want to talk about PMS around men.
-Frida, I don't mean this as a criticism, but you might not want to talk about PMS around men.	Sorry. It's just so bad lately. You're so lucky you never get PMS.
-Sorry. It's just so bad lately. You're so lucky you never get PMS.	I get a little bloated sometimes.
-I get a little bloated sometimes.	I'd kill for just a little bloated.
-How about I give you a make-over? You'll feel better about yourself. You're actually pretty, you're just not bringing it out.	You're just saying that.
-Do you really need these?	Only to see.
-Only to see.	Can't you get contacts?
-Can't you get contacts?	No, it grosses me out even thinking of putting something in my eye.
-No, it grosses me out even thinking of putting something in my eye.	Try to get through dinner without them. You have beautiful eyes.
-Or if there's a full moon.	Or if your boyfriend's an asshole.
-Okay, just one more stop and you'll be all set. Victoria's Secret.	What do I need overpriced fancy underwear for? Shouldn't a guy have already decided that he likes me before he sees me in lingerie?
-What do I need overpriced fancy underwear for? Shouldn't a guy have already decided that he likes me before he sees me in lingerie?	It's not about him seeing you in it. It's how you feel. You'll feel sexy in lingerie and it'll show. It's an inner thing.
-It's not about him seeing you in it. It's how you feel. You'll feel sexy in lingerie and it'll show. It's an inner thing.	I don't know.
-I don't know.	There's a sale. It's such a nice place -- classical music, relaxing atmosphere. You deserve to pamper yourself. Come on, it can't hurt.
-Where are all the mediums?	Frida, grab that red one.
-Can you believe she fuckin' bit me?	And she got the medium.
-And she got the medium.	Even on sale that stuff's a fortune. I worked all week to pay for a bra.
-I think she broke the skin.	What a bitch. You should see a doctor. That can be dangerous. George bit me once and I had to go to the emergency room.
-What a bitch. You should see a doctor. That can be dangerous. George bit me once and I had to go to the emergency room.	George bit you?
-George bit you?	I kind of asked him to. We were, you know... he got a little carried away...
-Why did Gregory ask me out? I mean he's cute -- he probably just wants to pitch his screenplay idea.	Maybe he likes you, ever think of that? It's good for you to go out -- get your mind off Mark.
-Maybe he likes you, ever think of that? It's good for you to go out -- get your mind off Mark.	You're so lucky you have George and don't need to go on dates anymore.
-You're so lucky you have George and don't need to go on dates anymore.	"What I really hated about dating was the lines guys used to get into my apartment. ""Can I use your phone?"" ""How about a nightcap?"" ""I want to meet your cat."" And my all-time favorite, the old standby, ""I have to use your bathroom."""
-"What I really hated about dating was the lines guys used to get into my apartment. ""Can I use your phone?"" ""How about a nightcap?"" ""I want to meet your cat."" And my all-time favorite, the old standby, ""I have to use your bathroom."""	Maybe they have to pee.
-Maybe they have to pee.	"Are you kidding? He might as well say, ""Can I date rape you?"""
-"Are you kidding? He might as well say, ""Can I date rape you?"""	I never thought of it like that. I never know what to do on dates. Do guys still pay?
-I never thought of it like that. I never know what to do on dates. Do guys still pay?	They better. Of course, trouble is, you never know what they'll expect for it. You gotta know what to order, and what you're willing to do. Like if a guy spends a fortune on you, he's gonna feel like you owe him something.
-Where?	Where? Where do you think a mustache would be. Look!
-Where? Where do you think a mustache would be. Look!	I don't see anything. Maybe just a little.
-I don't see anything. Maybe just a little.	Holy shit, I'm a freak.
-Holy shit, I'm a freak.	You are not Frida, we all have a little hair there. I didn't even notice till you showed me. We can bleach that, it's no big deal.
-Hey, did you get contacts?	Oh, my glasses! Maybe my eyes got stronger from not wearing them.
-He's dead? Am I bad luck or what?	There you go, blaming yourself for everything again.
-There you go, blaming yourself for everything again.	And he was ripped limb from limb?
-And he was ripped limb from limb?	I'm sure they were exaggerating.
-I'm sure they were exaggerating.	Why would they exaggerate?
-Why would they exaggerate?	To sound like big macho cops. He was probably just found with a knife in his back.
-So did you do it?	Did I kill him? Of course not!
-Did I kill him? Of course not!	No, did you fuck him?
-No, did you fuck him?	No. I don't think so.
-No. I don't think so.	You don't think so? You either did or your didn't.
-You don't think so? You either did or your didn't.	I don't remember. We kissed at my door and next thing I knew I woke up with my period. Alone.
-I don't remember. We kissed at my door and next thing I knew I woke up with my period. Alone.	Did you get smashed or what? You have to eat if you're drinking. And not just those little salads.
-Did you get smashed or what? You have to eat if you're drinking. And not just those little salads.	I ate a burger in the afternoon and a steak and a half with Gregory.
-I ate a burger in the afternoon and a steak and a half with Gregory.	I guess you're off that vegetarian kick you've been on for ten years.
-I guess you're off that vegetarian kick you've been on for ten years.	I couldn't stop eating steak. I felt out of control -- like I was making up for all those years being a vegetarian. I couldn't get enough. And then Gregory walked me home... and he peed in front of me.
-I couldn't stop eating steak. I felt out of control -- like I was making up for all those years being a vegetarian. I couldn't get enough. And then Gregory walked me home... and he peed in front of me.	What? Why the hell did he do that?
-What? Why the hell did he do that?	He was trying to get into my apartment and... I know this sounds gross but I was so turned on. I grabbed him and kissed him!
-He was trying to get into my apartment and... I know this sounds gross but I was so turned on. I grabbed him and kissed him!	And then?
-And then?	I think I went in and fell asleep. I guess Gregory walked home and got killed! I blacked out.
-I think I went in and fell asleep. I guess Gregory walked home and got killed! I blacked out.	At least your PMS is over.
-At least your PMS is over.	And my bra finally fits again.
-I thought you were going to stop wearing your glasses.	My vision got worse again.
-Are those Mark's?	No, Mark wears boxers. They must have been in the dryer already.
-No, Mark wears boxers. They must have been in the dryer already.	Uh huh... good thing those cops didn't see that.
-He was cute, huh? Of course whenever I meet a guy, I'm wearing no make-up.	Rule one: always wear make-up.
-Rule one: always wear make-up.	I wonder if he's married.
-I wonder if he's married.	He wasn't wearing a ring. But you don't want to date a cop Frida. They're so blue collar.
-Gross, so this is Mark's flesh? When did you see him?	Um, he stopped by yesterday before you came over.
-Um, he stopped by yesterday before you came over.	Why didn't you tell me? You said you hadn't seen him for a month.
-Why didn't you tell me? You said you hadn't seen him for a month.	I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think I was still a doormat.
-I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think I was still a doormat.	Frida, I'm your friend. I'm not judging you... You didn't sleep with the creep did you?
-I don't think I've ever actually liked anyone I've dated before. Peter even likes me without makeup.	Hmmm. Sounds suspicious.
-Hmmm. Sounds suspicious.	I don't know much about him. How do you know if a guy is decent?
-I don't know much about him. How do you know if a guy is decent?	Give him the tampon test.
-Give him the tampon test.	What the hell is the tampon test?
-What the hell is the tampon test?	"You're at his place, and you come out of the bathroom looking all shy and say, ""I'm so embarrassed but could you run out and get me some tampons?"" If he says no, he's too embarrassed, then you know he's a wus. If he says he's got some in the bathroom, then you know there are other women around a lot. But if he says yes and goes to get you tampons, well then he's a decent guy. Then, while he's out..."
-I'm freaking out. I'm like an animal and totally out of control. My arms keep getting really hairy.	You have to stop being so self- critical Frida.
-You have to stop being so self- critical Frida.	I looked like an Italian man!
-How'd it go with the cop?	We almost slept together... and... then the hair started and I booked.
-We almost slept together... and... then the hair started and I booked.	Frida, this hair thing is all in your head. You're using it as an excuse not to get close to anyone.
-Frida, this hair thing is all in your head. You're using it as an excuse not to get close to anyone.	It's just as well. I'm afraid of getting hurt again. Mark seemed great at first too. I don't want to get too attached to Peter and then find out he's a creep.
-It's just as well. I'm afraid of getting hurt again. Mark seemed great at first too. I don't want to get too attached to Peter and then find out he's a creep.	Hey, Carlton's in town -- come out with the three of us.
-No he didn't. Come on, I don't want to be alone with those two. All they talk about is basketball and it bores the hell out of me.	Okay. I guess so.
-Okay. I guess so.	Great. George is meeting Carlton first for drinks. We can meet and go together. It'll be a blast.
-I started out on that eye-of-newt diet the doctor gave me and wound up in the tub covered in chocolate.	Well whatever it was, seems to have worked cause you look great.
-Well whatever it was, seems to have worked cause you look great.	You're just saying that.
-What did he say?	I think he called you beautiful.
-I think he called you beautiful.	"Oh my god. I've never had that before. I've had guys say they want me to suck their dicks and gross stuff but no one's ever said ""Hey there beautiful."""
-Charming Carlton.	It is so hot in here.
-"Bag means condom now? I can't keep up with the word ""bag."" It used to be ""No, that's not my bag"" -- meaning not my thing. But now ""my bag"" means ""my fault."""	I still thought it was a purse.
-You might want to tape your nipples down next time. It's really distracting.	I can't help it. My bra wouldn't even fit. I've been going to Victoria's Secret and exchanging bras for bigger ones and still I'm busting out. It's this PMS.
-I can't help it. My bra wouldn't even fit. I've been going to Victoria's Secret and exchanging bras for bigger ones and still I'm busting out. It's this PMS.	Geez, I wish I'd get it like that.
-Geez, I wish I'd get it like that.	No you don't, believe me.
-Oh my god, look. My arms are so hairy!	No they're not.
-Yes they are! Look how much more hair I have than you!	It's just cause mine is finer. A little bleach'll fix that.
-It's just cause mine is finer. A little bleach'll fix that.	I look like fuckin' Chewbacca.
-Frida, this is a bad time. We're having sex and George actually answered the phone.	There is a man's arm in my bed.
-Jennifer. A severed arm. It's bloody and... I'm not sure but it may be Carlton's.	You fucked Carlton? See I told you he liked you.
-You fucked Carlton? See I told you he liked you.	No! Not fucked him, I think I killed him.
-Please come over. I'm begging you. What should I do with the arm? Should I call the cops or... Peter?	Frida, you're not making sense. I can't come over right now.
-So where's this infamous arm now?	I put it down the garbage disposal.
-I put it down the garbage disposal.	And what makes you think you killed a man?
-And what makes you think you killed a man?	Because of PMS, I get hairy, my nails turn into claws, I eat raw meat, I roam the city hunting for flesh. I've become a werewolf!
-You're a PMS werewolf. Of course. Frida, are you on drugs?	No, last night I think I chased Carlton around as a wolf and killed him. I woke up with a taste of blood in my mouth and a severed arm in my bed. And my throat hurts.
-You're delusional. Maybe you had a bad dream and bit your lip -- so you tasted blood. And the severed arm... well I don't see it and... maybe this is all in your head.	It took me an hour to clean it up. That was not in my head!
-It took me an hour to clean it up. That was not in my head!	Maybe the blood was from your period like before.
-Maybe the blood was from your period like before.	I haven't gotten it yet.
-I haven't gotten it yet.	Frida, listen to yourself. If I said I was a werewolf, would you believe me?
-Frida, listen to yourself. If I said I was a werewolf, would you believe me?	I don't know. You have to take Sammy. He's afraid of me.
-Hello?	Frida? I was worried to death about you. I've called you for two days. Where have you been?
-Frida? I was worried to death about you. I've called you for two days. Where have you been?	I've been here. What day is it?
-I've been here. What day is it?	Tuesday. Are you okay?
-Tuesday. Are you okay?	Shit, I guess I missed work.
-Shit, I guess I missed work.	Frida, Carlton's dead.
-Frida, Carlton's dead.	Oh no.
-Oh no.	And he was missing an arm.
-And he was missing an arm.	Oh my god Jennifer. I should go to confession.
-Oh my god Jennifer. I should go to confession.	Relax. Carlton was torn apart. No way could you have done that. Maybe you saw someone kill him and blocked it out... or...
-Get rid of him!	Okay, I gotta go.
-Okay, I gotta go.	I'm stopping by later. I'm worried about you. Bye.
-Holy shit, I don't know.	Did you get rid of Mark?
-Did you get rid of Mark?	I don't know... I'm spaced out... he was taking a shower... He must be still in there.
-I don't know... I'm spaced out... he was taking a shower... He must be still in there.	He's been here all night?
-He's been here all night?	Yeah, I guess. Mark?
-What happened to his tooth?	I should call the police. Oh no Peter. Peter is the police!
-I should call the police. Oh no Peter. Peter is the police!	DON'T call the police.
-DON'T call the police.	Why not? There's been a murder.
-Why not? There's been a murder.	First of all, you're my alibi. I told George I was with you last night.
-First of all, you're my alibi. I told George I was with you last night.	What? Why'd you do that?
-What? Why'd you do that?	There's kind of this guy I'm seeing.
-There's kind of this guy I'm seeing.	You're cheating on George? Jennifer, how could you?
-How could I? I'm helping you clean up Mark's remains and you ask how could I cheat on George?	You're right. It's just, I can't cover up a murder so George won't know you're cheating.
-You're right. It's just, I can't cover up a murder so George won't know you're cheating.	You say murder, but you have no idea what happened. You don't remember doing it, so it's out of your control.
-You say murder, but you have no idea what happened. You don't remember doing it, so it's out of your control.	I think I turned into a werewolf and killed him.
-I think I turned into a werewolf and killed him.	Why the fuck would you do that?
-Why the fuck would you do that?	I could smell another woman on him.
-I could smell another woman on him.	If you ask me, the fucker got what he deserved. I'm glad he's dead.
-If you ask me, the fucker got what he deserved. I'm glad he's dead.	That's a terrible thing to say. Frida goes back to scrubbing the floor.
-That's a terrible thing to say. Frida goes back to scrubbing the floor.	Okay, let's say that this is PMS- related. You think those male cops are going to understand that? You'll either be locked up for murder or locked up in the looney bin. We have to keep this hidden until we figure it out ourselves.
-At least I finally saw the reason you couldn't get over Mark.	You should have seen it erect.
-You expecting someone?	No.
-No.	Ignore it.
-Fuck it's the cops. Peter saw me, now I have to let him in.	Tell them you'll meet them outside.
-What the fuck are we going to do?	Hide him.
-Peter knows something.	Well if he does, he didn't give you away. He must really like you.
-I think I just got my period.	Does that mean this whole thing is over?
-Does that mean this whole thing is over?	Probably for three weeks or so anyway. I'm not sure -- I don't get how it works.
-Probably for three weeks or so anyway. I'm not sure -- I don't get how it works.	Let's do some research. I'll check the libraries. You surf the web.
-Let's do some research. I'll check the libraries. You surf the web.	You're such a good friend.
-You're such a good friend.	So are you. Look, go about your life. Act like nothing's wrong. We'll get to the bottom of this.
-Symptoms include loss of emotional control, compulsive behavior, cravings, crying spells...	Peter keeps asking me out.
-Peter keeps asking me out.	Maybe you should go out with him. If you keep avoiding him he'll get suspicious. Besides, what better way to not get busted than to date the cop who's investigating you.
-Maybe you should go out with him. If you keep avoiding him he'll get suspicious. Besides, what better way to not get busted than to date the cop who's investigating you.	The thing is, I really like him. I finally meet a guy I really like and I'm a fuckin' werewolf.
-The thing is, I really like him. I finally meet a guy I really like and I'm a fuckin' werewolf.	We don't know you're a werewolf. It might never happen again. You have to get on with your life.
-"""Paranoia, insecurity, depression, changes in vision, feelings of losing control; belief that you have a mental problem..."" Nothing about turning into a werewolf."	Check out what I found.
-"This is from a scientist in France, Madame Sconce. ""The original werewolves were females. They became werewolves on the lunar cycle because it corresponded to the woman's cycle. My suspicion is that the only cure is true love."""	Great so all I have to do is fall in love? Like I haven't tried that for the past 24 years.
-Great so all I have to do is fall in love? Like I haven't tried that for the past 24 years.	"""The female-cycle werewolf will only kill men and never kills someone she truly loves."" See I knew you never loved Mark."
-"""The female-cycle werewolf will only kill men and never kills someone she truly loves."" See I knew you never loved Mark."	Who is this Madame Sconce? Let's find her and talk to her.
-Who is this Madame Sconce? Let's find her and talk to her.	She died at age 34 in the 1800's. They thought she was crazy. She was banished from her town. Seems her husband shot her.
-She died at age 34 in the 1800's. They thought she was crazy. She was banished from her town. Seems her husband shot her.	Guess she never found true love.
-Guess she never found true love.	The weird thing is... he shot her with a silver bullet.
-The weird thing is... he shot her with a silver bullet.	So... she was a werewolf. Do you think we can believe all this?
-So... she was a werewolf. Do you think we can believe all this?	What choice do we have?
-What choice do we have?	So what do I do?
-So what do I do?	Fall in love.
-Fall in love.	I think I already have.
-I'm cleaning my stove.	You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were killing yourself.
-You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were killing yourself.	I tried to kill myself -- earlier. It doesn't work. I think I need silver bullets. So I got depressed and when I'm depressed I clean.
-I tried to kill myself -- earlier. It doesn't work. I think I need silver bullets. So I got depressed and when I'm depressed I clean.	You'll get through this. You were fine for over three weeks.
-You'll get through this. You were fine for over three weeks.	I'm just afraid I'll hurt Peter. I think I love him.
-I'm just afraid I'll hurt Peter. I think I love him.	Remember what Madame Sconce said. If you love him he'll be fine.
-Remember what Madame Sconce said. If you love him he'll be fine.	But how do I know if I really love Peter? And if he really loves me?
-But how do I know if I really love Peter? And if he really loves me?	I guess you'll find out.
-I guess you'll find out.	No. I can't take that chance. I'd rather kill myself.
-No. I can't take that chance. I'd rather kill myself.	No. I won't let you do that.
-No. I won't let you do that.	"The werewolf always dies at the end. Didn't you see ""American Werewolf in London?"""
-I think George knows.	About Mark? Carlton?
-About Mark? Carlton?	About Benito.
-About Benito.	Did I kill a guy named Benito?
-Did I kill a guy named Benito?	No, he's the guy I'm having an affair with.
-I thought you and George were getting married.	We were -- I was just so tempted... It was sort of a test. I think after sleeping with Benito I know I want to be with George. But now George knows about Benito and he doesn't want to be with me!
-We were -- I was just so tempted... It was sort of a test. I think after sleeping with Benito I know I want to be with George. But now George knows about Benito and he doesn't want to be with me!	I wish I only had your problems.
-I wish I only had your problems.	Sorry -- I shouldn't go on about myself at a time like this. Are you sure you're going to be okay?
-Sorry -- I shouldn't go on about myself at a time like this. Are you sure you're going to be okay?	Yes, just check on me once a day for the next three days. Then the PMS should be over.
-Hello?	Frida? You okay?
-Frida? You okay?	Never been better. Peter spent the night. I must really love him. He's still alive.
-Never been better. Peter spent the night. I must really love him. He's still alive.	Oh thank god. Maybe this whole thing is really over.
-Oh thank god. Maybe this whole thing is really over.	God I hope so. Hey can I call you later? Peter's still here. He's in the shower.
-God I hope so. Hey can I call you later? Peter's still here. He's in the shower.	Sure. See ya.
-I know.	So you're Grant's secretary?
-So you're Grant's secretary?	I do development for TV movies.
-I do development for TV movies.	Oh, a D-Girl. You know... I have a really great idea for a screenplay.
-You're kidding, really?	No, I'm serious. How about we have dinner and I tell you about it?
-You hungry?	Starving.
-Man I'm starving too, I think I'll go for the Surf and Turf.	I'm not really hungry after all.
-I'm not really hungry after all.	You said you're starving. Come on, I can't stand a woman who won't eat.
-"So there I was, hanging from the edge of a bridge, when my mom said, ""Son, you got into Harvard!"" It took three of them to pull me back! Frida keeps eating."	Well, whattdaya think?
-Well, whattdaya think?	That's great. Highly original.
-I'd really feel more comfortable paying for my half of the dinner.	Hey, how about a little nightcap?
-I'm really tired.	Come on, didn't all that steak make you thirsty?
-Come on, didn't all that steak make you thirsty?	No. Really, I'm... I don't feel well. I've got terrible PMS.
-No. Really, I'm... I don't feel well. I've got terrible PMS.	They say sex is great for cramps.
-They say sex is great for cramps.	Well I have it worse than cramps. Goodnight Gregory.
-What?	I really gotta pee.
-I really gotta pee.	You should have gone at the restaurant.
-You should have gone at the restaurant.	I didn't have to pee then.
-I didn't have to pee then.	My apartment's just such a mess.
-My apartment's just such a mess.	That's okay. I just have to use the bathroom and then I'll leave.
-That's okay. I just have to use the bathroom and then I'll leave.	Oh come on. Knock it off.
-Oh come on. Knock it off.	Knock what off?
-Knock what off?	You don't have to pee.
-You don't have to pee.	Yes I do have to pee!
-Yes I do have to pee!	You're just saying that to get into my apartment and then you're hoping that'll turn into something else.
-You're just saying that to get into my apartment and then you're hoping that'll turn into something else.	I wouldn't mind doin' something else, but I do really have to pee.
-I wouldn't mind doin' something else, but I do really have to pee.	Uh huh. So pee.
-Uh huh. So pee.	So pee? Here?
-So pee? Here?	Yeah. Whip it out. You want me to see it -- that's what this is all about, right?
-What, you got a date or somethin'?	Since when do you care?
-You look different. I mean you look good.	You never say that.
-You never say that.	You do though. You look really... is that a wonderbra?
-You do though. You look really... is that a wonderbra?	No.
-Look what you did!	Oh my god, I'm sorry!
-Oh my god, I'm sorry!	Shit. And you're eating my burger? You don't eat meat.
-Shit. And you're eating my burger? You don't eat meat.	I can't help it, it smells so good.
-OUCH that stings! Damn, what am I going to do with my back like this?	Worried about what all your girlfriends might think?
-Worried about what all your girlfriends might think?	Frida, you know you're it for me.
-Frida, you know you're it for me.	Yeah right... You better go.
-Hey wait, I paid three bucks for that burger. You owe me...	You haven't even paid me back the thousand bucks you owe me!
-You haven't even paid me back the thousand bucks you owe me!	I'm working on it...
-Where'd you get the bike?	I'm kinda borrowing it. Who's this, Mr. Date-Guy?
-Frida? I hear you talking. I know you're in there. Let me in.	It's Mark.
-It's a matter of life and death.	This really isn't a good time.
-This really isn't a good time.	Come on Frida, I'm not kidding. I'm totally fucked. Let me in.
-I did something stupid. I had a courier job -- picking up a package from the airport. It turned out to be money -- so I kind of borrowed it to pay my rent and now these dudes are after me.	So pay them back and apologize.
-So pay them back and apologize.	These guys aren't the kind that'll take an apology. They're the kind that'll break my thumbs.
-These guys aren't the kind that'll take an apology. They're the kind that'll break my thumbs.	You think that story's gonna make me loan you money?
-You think that story's gonna make me loan you money?	It's the truth. If you'd just loaned me the money last time this never would have happened.
-It's the truth. If you'd just loaned me the money last time this never would have happened.	Somehow this winds up being my fault? You always blame me.
-Somehow this winds up being my fault? You always blame me.	Come on, I'm your biggest supporter.
-Come on, I'm your biggest supporter.	My bra is my biggest supporter.
-My bra is my biggest supporter.	I just need a place to lay low for a few days. Come on, I know you hate me but you can't wanna see me at the bottom of the East River?
-Mark.	Yeah?
-Wow.	Take your shower.
-The Nielson's?	On your desk.
-On your desk.	Script coverage?
-Script coverage?	On your desk.
-On your desk.	Coffee and...
-Coffee and...	Your desk.
-"How about a ""Man in Jeopardy"" story?"	Did you change your hair?
-Did you change your hair?	A little.
-I can't read any more crap. These women are all victims.	Yes, that's what we're looking for.
-Yes, that's what we're looking for.	I think we should do something with strong female characters...
-I think we should do something with strong female characters...	I'll make a note of that. Put the coverage on my desk.
-Mr. Grant. Did you read that script I was talking about?	Uh... yes. Not for us. No woman in jeopardy. Find me Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Find me a true story about a crazed killer stalking beautiful women.
-Uh... yes. Not for us. No woman in jeopardy. Find me Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Find me a true story about a crazed killer stalking beautiful women.	No.
-No.	No?
-No?	No. I quit. Take your lame ass ideas, your fake ass toupee, your fat ass wife and your ugly ass kids and shove them.
-No. I quit. Take your lame ass ideas, your fake ass toupee, your fat ass wife and your ugly ass kids and shove them.	Very well then. Is that all?
-When's the last time you saw him?	We... he walked me home and... we said goodnight. Um, he kissed me goodnight and that was it.
-I wish I could help but last I saw Gregory was outside my front door.	Okay, if you think of anything else, please give us a call.
-You busted me.	Are you following me?
-Are you following me?	No... no... this is embarrassing. I was returning your pillowcase... and I saw you cross the street... and I sort of started following you. I just find you really intriguing. I don't know why.
-No... no... this is embarrassing. I was returning your pillowcase... and I saw you cross the street... and I sort of started following you. I just find you really intriguing. I don't know why.	Intriguing?
-I gotta get going. Peter gets the pillowcase out of his bag.	At least let me give you this back. I washed it.
-Being a cop has such a warm effect on people.	That's my ex. He's an asshole. In case you couldn't tell. I think he's been following me.
-That's my ex. He's an asshole. In case you couldn't tell. I think he's been following me.	There's a lot of that going around.
-You wanna get some coffee?	I'm trying to stay away from caffeine.
-I'm trying to stay away from caffeine.	Some decaf then? That was stupid. Obviously you said you were staying away from caffeine as a nice way of blowing me off.
-Some decaf then? That was stupid. Obviously you said you were staying away from caffeine as a nice way of blowing me off.	No. Really. I don't drink coffee anymore. I used to love it but my tastes have changed recently.
-No. Really. I don't drink coffee anymore. I used to love it but my tastes have changed recently.	Okay well. Maybe some other time. They continue walking together.
-Okay well. Maybe some other time. They continue walking together.	So what book did you buy?
-So what book did you buy?	Oh, it's nothing.
-Oh, it's nothing.	No really, I love knowing what people read.
-No really, I love knowing what people read.	It's stupid.
-It's stupid.	I can forgive you a bestseller.
-My mom used to get PMS too.	Used to? Did it stop finally?
-Used to? Did it stop finally?	No, she died when I was twelve.
-No, she died when I was twelve.	I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.	I've had time to get over it. She was killed by wolves they think.
-I've had time to get over it. She was killed by wolves they think.	Oh my god, by wolves?
-We lived in northern Minnesota. She went for a walk one night and they never found her body -- just her torn apart clothes with her blood and wolf blood on them. Then the town rounded up bunch of hunters and shot all the wolves in the area.	I'm so sorry Peter. Gee, that sure puts my problems in perspective.
-I'm so sorry Peter. Gee, that sure puts my problems in perspective.	The weird thing is I've had an odd, morbid fascination with wolves ever since.
-I've read scripts about detectives, but never met one. Must be wild.	Sometimes it's frustrating. Like this Gregory Jameson case. We don't even know what killed him. I'm putting together little details to see if we're missing something.
-Sometimes it's frustrating. Like this Gregory Jameson case. We don't even know what killed him. I'm putting together little details to see if we're missing something.	Like what?
-Like what?	You know how moms always tell you to wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident? Well this guy wasn't wearing any underwear.
-You know how moms always tell you to wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident? Well this guy wasn't wearing any underwear.	A lot of people don't wear underwear.
-A lot of people don't wear underwear.	Yeah but a guy hung like a horse would need briefs to keep things in line.
-How about you? Briefs or boxers?	Briefs.
-Briefs.	Cool. I don't get guys who wear boxers. My ex wore boxers. I never got how he could wear khakis and not have his boxers bunch up.
-Cool. I don't get guys who wear boxers. My ex wore boxers. I never got how he could wear khakis and not have his boxers bunch up.	Me neither. That's why I wear briefs... So why did you and... Mark break up?
-Me neither. That's why I wear briefs... So why did you and... Mark break up?	He's bad news. He cheated on me, he insults me. Now suddenly he gets jealous if I have a date.
-I really gotta get going.	Thanks for the walk. Maybe we could... get a bite sometime?
-Thanks for the walk. Maybe we could... get a bite sometime?	Yeah. Maybe.
-Yeah. Maybe.	Goodnight.
-Goodnight.	Goodnight.
-What are those?	Silver bullets. A collectors item. These are very valuable. They were melted down from a crucifix.
-Silver bullets. A collectors item. These are very valuable. They were melted down from a crucifix.	What are they for?
-What are they for?	Oh just my wolf paraphernalia. Some people collect beanie babies... I collect silver bullets.
-I'm a cop -- I notice everything. That drawer's ajar, that picture's been moved about an inch, the closet wasn't closed when I left...	Okay, you busted me.
-What's wrong?	Oh, nothing's wrong. Just... well don't you have your period?
-Oh, nothing's wrong. Just... well don't you have your period?	My period? No.
-I mean we can still... whatever... Maybe I should get a towel?	No. No, I'm fine. Maybe I should go. I mean... I don't want our first time to be like this.
-No. No, I'm fine. Maybe I should go. I mean... I don't want our first time to be like this.	Frida, wait. Don't go. We can just sleep. I just want to wake up with you.
-Oh my god, you scared the shit out of me. You following me again?	No. I was doing my laundry.
-No. I was doing my laundry.	I'm sorry -- I'm on edge today.
-Was there anything in that washer?	No. Nope, nothing in it.
-You sure? It's my favorite shirt, mind if I check?	NO! I... I checked when I put my stuff in. I always look through the washer first.
-Everything okay?	A man killed in Central Park.
-Uh.... hi!	Frida, can we come in? We need to talk to you. It's important.
-Frida, can we come in? We need to talk to you. It's important.	Uh... the buzzer's broken. I'll be down in a second.
-You had a date with Carlton?	It wasn't a date. Jennifer invited me along to dinner with them.
-No, no... But Mark -- a jealous boyfriend gone mad. Maybe he kills men you date.	Mark wouldn't hurt a fly.
-But you said the bodies were ripped to pieces?	Still haven't figured out how he or anyone else pulled that off. Never seen anything like it.
-No, why?	He was ripped to shreds also. In his apartment.
-Frida. I was looking for you. You changing jobs?	Yeah sort of. Where's Lloyd?
-Yeah sort of. Where's Lloyd?	I need to talk to you. About us. Frida... I... Can I carry your box?
-I need to talk to you. About us. Frida... I... Can I carry your box?	No, I got it. It's okay.
-No, I got it. It's okay.	What happened?
-What happened?	I thought we were starting something... and then... I know it's unorthodox, I mean with you being involved in the case and all.
-I thought we were starting something... and then... I know it's unorthodox, I mean with you being involved in the case and all.	I just don't know if I should be dating anyone right now.
-I just don't know if I should be dating anyone right now.	Yeah, every guy you date winds up dead.
-Except Mark of course.	What's that supposed to mean?
-What's that supposed to mean?	Did I tell you I have the worst sense of humor and I make bad jokes at totally inappropriate times?
-Did I tell you I have the worst sense of humor and I make bad jokes at totally inappropriate times?	No, but thanks for the warning.
-No, but thanks for the warning.	Speaking of Mark -- we've tried to track him down and there's no sight of him. Vanished into thin air. I got a hunch he fled the country.
-Speaking of Mark -- we've tried to track him down and there's no sight of him. Vanished into thin air. I got a hunch he fled the country.	Interesting possibility.
-"That's it? Hell my mom chased my dad around with a knife when she had it. She made us call her a different name. She'd say, ""You're talking to Betty now"" and we'd leave the house for a few days."	"This is a lot worse than ""Betty."""
-"This is a lot worse than ""Betty."""	You can't mean that. I'm sure your bark is worse than your bite.
-You can't mean that. I'm sure your bark is worse than your bite.	No, my bite's a lot worse.
-Is it that funny?	"No, it's just... no one's ever said that. And I thought if someone did ever say it, I'd have to say it first and then they'd sort of say ""I love you too"" cause they felt they had to after I'd said it."
-"No, it's just... no one's ever said that. And I thought if someone did ever say it, I'd have to say it first and then they'd sort of say ""I love you too"" cause they felt they had to after I'd said it."	Is that how you feel?
-Is that how you feel?	Like I had to say it? No, I wanted to say it.
-Like I had to say it? No, I wanted to say it.	You didn't say it.
-You didn't say it.	I love you too.
-What's with the squirt guns?	They're for my cat. I use them to train him not to rip up paper.
-They're for my cat. I use them to train him not to rip up paper.	You know, I've never seen your cat.
-You know, I've never seen your cat.	I loaned him to Jennifer. George moved out and she was lonely...
-Your breasts feel larger.	They do? Oh no...
-They do? Oh no...	No, it's a good thing. I like it. Everything about you is great. I like how you don't shave your legs. Women are so much sexier when they're natural.
-I did shave... Do I seem hairy? Peter laughs.	No. But I don't mind hairy. Are you okay?
-Hello?	Frida? You okay? Look, I think I know what happened to Mark. I want to help. I'm coming over.
-Frida? You okay? Look, I think I know what happened to Mark. I want to help. I'm coming over.	NO! Don't come over. Peter... I... I don't want to see you anymore. Ever.
-NO! Don't come over. Peter... I... I don't want to see you anymore. Ever.	What? Is there someone else?
-Yes, sort of. I mean no, not really.	Yes or no? Frida, can't you just be honest with me?
-You at least owe me the truth.	You want the truth? Remember I tried to tell you something the other day?
-You want the truth? Remember I tried to tell you something the other day?	Yes, your PMS. Frida I can deal with that.
-Yes, your PMS. Frida I can deal with that.	No you can't. It... it gets so bad that I become a werewolf.
-If you don't like me, just say so. You don't have to make up some bullshit like you're a werewolf.	I knew you wouldn't believe me! Just go away. Go very far away!
-Go away. I might hurt you.	I'm not afraid. Frida! I love you.
-I'm not afraid. Frida! I love you.	Peter I love you too but...
-Peter I love you too but...	I don't think you'll hurt me.
-How do you know?	I don't think you would. No matter what form you take.
-I don't think you would. No matter what form you take.	I can't take that chance... I couldn't live with myself if I did anything to you.
-I can't take that chance... I couldn't live with myself if I did anything to you.	I have the silver bullets in case I need to protect myself. Does that make you feel better?
-Be careful!	Can't you bite me and then I'll be like you?
-Can't you bite me and then I'll be like you?	No. It doesn't work that way. Men can't get PMS. Unfortunately.
-No. It doesn't work that way. Men can't get PMS. Unfortunately.	I'm staying here with you tonight. There's no getting rid of me.
-I knew you wouldn't kill me.	Maybe we should have children. I don't think I'd kill the father of my child.
-Maybe we should have children. I don't think I'd kill the father of my child.	We can work this out. Other couples have worse problems.
-We can work this out. Other couples have worse problems.	Worse than this?
-Worse than this?	Sure. Cheating, lying. What's a little werewolf a few days a month? We can move out to the country where you can feed off deer.
-Sure. Cheating, lying. What's a little werewolf a few days a month? We can move out to the country where you can feed off deer.	What about... those guys... I might have...
-What about... those guys... I might have...	No way can anything be proved. All they have are some wolf hairs. No one believes in werewolves.
-No way can anything be proved. All they have are some wolf hairs. No one believes in werewolves.	I'm so sorry... I... I couldn't help it. You know I didn't mean to... to do any of that.
-I'm so sorry... I... I couldn't help it. You know I didn't mean to... to do any of that.	I know. The important thing is that it stop.
-I'm going to take a shower.	Okay.
-Here's a towel.	Thanks.
-That I'm a doormat of course. The shrink makes more notes.	Oh, I see... interesting theory.
-I think I'm a werewolf.	Let's explore this. What makes you feel you're a werewolf?
-I ate a guy last night.	And how did you feel when you ate this guy?
-And how did you feel when you ate this guy?	I don't know. I don't remember doing it.
-Dreams about killing usually signify feelings of guilt. You had sex last night and you feel guilty.	We didn't have sex.
-We didn't have sex.	"You say you killed a man and don't remember it. Couldn't you have had sex and not remember it? It's sexual. Why did you choose ""eating him"" as the method of killing?"
-"You say you killed a man and don't remember it. Couldn't you have had sex and not remember it? It's sexual. Why did you choose ""eating him"" as the method of killing?"	Cause I'm a fucking werewolf!!
-Cause I'm a fucking werewolf!!	"You use the word ""fucking."" You're sexualizing things. Stop berating yourself. It's okay to have sex."
-It's about Gregory Jameson. He's dead.	Oh my god, what happened?
-Yes... I... we had dinner.	Did he come home with you? Did you go to his apartment?
-Did he come home with you? Did you go to his apartment?	No, it was our first date.
-No, it was our first date.	Looks like it was your only date. Unless you go to his funeral.
-A kiss? Did you have sex with him?	No, I said it was our first date.
-We can get a warrant if you like.	No, take it.
-You heard about Carlton Fraser?	Yes, Jennifer told me. What does that have to do with me?
-Seems you were the last to see Carlton alive. And the last to see Gregory alive.	What makes you think I was the last one?
-No. We left the restaurant, and... and I felt sick... so... so I took a cab home. Alone.	You got a dog?
-You got a dog?	No, I have a cat.
-No, I have a cat.	How big?
-No he's not. He's a courier. He picks up packages from the airport.	Packages of money.
-"So I asked the bartender what ""coyote ugly"" meant. It's like the ""bagger"" system. You know, a two- bagger -- someone so ugly that you need two bags -- one bag to put on their head and another one in case it blows off. Or a three-bagger..."	Two bags for them, and one bag for your head in case her two fall off.
-He was saying that when women are close friends they get their periods at the same time.	Yeah and when we're mad at each other we're out of sync. It only works if you're on good terms.
-Come on, I've been working with Frida. Carlton won't even recognize her now. She's really coming out of her shell.	She's just so... pathetic.
-She's just so... pathetic.	She's just insecure. Once you get to know her she's fabulous.
-She's just insecure. Once you get to know her she's fabulous.	She'll talk about PMS and stare at her salad.
-I wonder how Frida and Carlton are getting along?	Carlton insisted on leaving with her. Maybe he got lucky.
-Carlton insisted on leaving with her. Maybe he got lucky.	So now being with Frida is lucky? I thought you said she was a flake.
-It's for you. Frida.	Tell her I'm eating.
-I'm supposed to put up with a fuckin' cat I'm allergic to cause your friend's got PMS?	It's so bad she becomes a werewolf.
-It's so bad she becomes a werewolf.	You have some weird friends. What does her thinking she's a werewolf have to do with us having the cat?
-You have some weird friends. What does her thinking she's a werewolf have to do with us having the cat?	Don't be stupid George. Obviously if she's a werewolf, she can't be around a cat. She might eat it and besides, cats are afraid of wolves.
-Oh great. What the fuck am I supposed to do?	Take some allergy medicine.
-Take some allergy medicine.	You can't believe this bullshit.
-You can't believe this bullshit.	She's my best friend. I gotta be there for her -- no matter how crazy it sounds. I've been in some bad relationships and she's been there for me. She's lonely. If pretending she's a werewolf helps, then more power to her.
-Jesus Christ she got her period. Relax guys. It happens.	Yeah, sorry. Uh... Gregory's roommate told us you were out with him last night.
-How the hell is that your business?	We're just trying to figure out what happened.
-You want her sheets?	We can just take this pillowcase.
-I was thinking about becoming a cop myself. Do you take a test or something or just sign up?	Why would you want to be a cop?
-Why would you want to be a cop?	I don't know, I guess the outfits are cool. And I want a big gun.
-See he was cheating from the get go.	He's been running money for the Mafia.
-Nah, I don't wanna break up with Wanda, I just wanna see Carmen too.	Man, you're livin' dangerously. Let me ask you somethin', you always have to get women drunk before they'll sleep with you?
-Man, you're livin' dangerously. Let me ask you somethin', you always have to get women drunk before they'll sleep with you?	You kiddin'? They try to get ME drunk.
-You kiddin'? They try to get ME drunk.	You're some catch Lloyd.
-You're some catch Lloyd.	Hey, you hear about the chick that came in today? Said some chick bit her at Victoria's Secret. Bitches are outta control these days.
-He was found a few blocks away.	Torn apart. Limb from limb. A bloody gruesome mess.
-I didn't trust her. All that blood on the sheets. She may look sweet, but she could be a wolf in sheep's clothing. Something's weird.	That dude was torn limb from limb. No way a woman like that could have done it. You never seen blood on a chick's sheets from her period?
-That dude was torn limb from limb. No way a woman like that could have done it. You never seen blood on a chick's sheets from her period?	Hell no, I'm not into that shit. The sight of blood makes me sick.
-Hell no, I'm not into that shit. The sight of blood makes me sick.	Oh, so you decide to be a cop? Seriously? You don't have sex with a woman cause she's on the rag?
-Oh, so you decide to be a cop? Seriously? You don't have sex with a woman cause she's on the rag?	No man. Blood is not a turn on. You sure let that Frida off the hook. You weren't even going to take the sheets. If I didn't know better, I'd think you liked her.
-No man. Blood is not a turn on. You sure let that Frida off the hook. You weren't even going to take the sheets. If I didn't know better, I'd think you liked her.	I can tell she's not a killer. You just don't like her cause you have a hang up about menstruation.
-I can tell she's not a killer. You just don't like her cause you have a hang up about menstruation.	Nah, man, I'm just saying, you should never date a woman who was the last one to see a guy alive.
-Frida's sheets checked out fine. It was just her own blood. From her... you know.	I told you she was innocent.
-I told you she was innocent.	Hey, there was a lot of blood.
-Hey, there was a lot of blood.	She was never a suspect Lloyd. Some animal must have done this.
-She was never a suspect Lloyd. Some animal must have done this.	I checked all the zoos. No missing animals. You think a pitbull?
-Maybe. What about all those hairs they found on his body?	Waiting for DNA tests. He was hairier than Madonna in Penthouse.
-Waiting for DNA tests. He was hairier than Madonna in Penthouse.	Madonna's in Penthouse?
-Madonna's in Penthouse?	Back in the '80's. You didn't see the pictures? They were from before she got famous. She was hairy as hell. Her pits, her bush.
-Back in the '80's. You didn't see the pictures? They were from before she got famous. She was hairy as hell. Her pits, her bush.	Hairy women are kind of sexy. Women in their natural state.
-What?	And you think I'm sick?
-He was found nearly ripped to shreds in Central Park.	And he was missing an arm.
-I still don't get when you gave her back the pillowcase.	We only live a few blocks apart.
-We only live a few blocks apart.	This is more than fishy, this chick dates a dude and he winds up dead.
-This is more than fishy, this chick dates a dude and he winds up dead.	Okay Lloyd, you tell me how she killed them.
-She's got a hidden pitbull. Maybe she hired someone to kill them.	She's not a suspect. What is her motive? There's nothing, NOTHING connecting her to either crime except that she dated both guys.
-She's not a suspect. What is her motive? There's nothing, NOTHING connecting her to either crime except that she dated both guys.	Sounds like you got a conflict of interest.
-Sounds like you got a conflict of interest.	You take the cake Lloyd. Come on, she's not here. Let's check out her psycho ex.
-Nah, East Village poseur was grosser than the dude in the park.	The park dude was missing an arm.
-The park dude was missing an arm.	Poseur was missing a chunk of his neck. And his eyes were open. That always bugs me out. Do me a favor, if some mutherfucker's about to blow me away, remind me to close my fuckin' eyes.
-Poseur was missing a chunk of his neck. And his eyes were open. That always bugs me out. Do me a favor, if some mutherfucker's about to blow me away, remind me to close my fuckin' eyes.	Deal. And if some mutherfucker's about to blow me away, shoot him.
-Deal. And if some mutherfucker's about to blow me away, shoot him.	Yeah okay. I still say Frida's involved. She's the last one to see two dudes alive...
-Yeah okay. I still say Frida's involved. She's the last one to see two dudes alive...	She wasn't the last one to see them alive. Whoever killed them was.
-He means the last that we know of.	This one walk you home too?
-Seems he's stolen money from them. He's desperate and our only lead.	One of our only leads... You had dates with both men right before they were killed.
-Spencer's the key here. Frida is in no way associated with him. And her blood hasn't matched with any of the killings.	It's a bit farfetched that Mark would rip guys to shreds just outta jealousy. This makes no sense.
-It's a bit farfetched that Mark would rip guys to shreds just outta jealousy. This makes no sense.	It's like some fucking monster dropped out of the sky and killed these dudes.
-It's like some fucking monster dropped out of the sky and killed these dudes.	Like a vampire or some shit?
-You think mafia hit?	Hard to tell. Looks like he's been cleaned up and he's decomposing as we speak. This case gets weirder by the minute.
-Hard to tell. Looks like he's been cleaned up and he's decomposing as we speak. This case gets weirder by the minute.	It has to be Frida. This makes three guys ripped apart who are tied to her ass.
-It has to be Frida. This makes three guys ripped apart who are tied to her ass.	Okay Lloyd. First, no way does Frida have the physical strength to tear a guy to shreds. Second, why would she be so obvious and let it be known she was the last one to see these guys? Third, she's the one in danger. She's a woman in jeopardy and you're layin' a murder rap on her. Fourth, I look in her eyes and know she's no killer.
-Okay Lloyd. First, no way does Frida have the physical strength to tear a guy to shreds. Second, why would she be so obvious and let it be known she was the last one to see these guys? Third, she's the one in danger. She's a woman in jeopardy and you're layin' a murder rap on her. Fourth, I look in her eyes and know she's no killer.	And fifth, you're dating her.
-What are you talking about?	I know. I followed you. To the zoo, to her house, to your house...
-I know. I followed you. To the zoo, to her house, to your house...	What the fuck are you following me for? I'm not a suspect here.
-What the fuck are you following me for? I'm not a suspect here.	Which brings up an interesting point. I wasn't following you. I was following the suspect. And you just happened to be there...
-My girlfriend's predicting another murder in the next few days.	What makes her think that?
-What makes her think that?	She says she's on the rag every time I get called in to investigate a murder.
-So... they're on some cycle. The murders... Gregory... then 28 days later... Carlton.	And that was 28 days ago today.
-And that was 28 days ago today.	Did we get those DNA tests back?
-Did we get those DNA tests back?	Just this morning. Animal hairs were found all over the victims.
-Just this morning. Animal hairs were found all over the victims.	What kind of animal?
-What kind of animal?	Can't figure out the species. Similar to a wolf. They're jokin' at the lab that a werewolf probably killed him. Ain't that the stupidest thing you ever heard?
-I need something to keep me awake.	Looks like you need a haircut to me.
-Looks like you need a haircut to me.	Thanks.  Just some pills.
-Thanks.  Just some pills.	Only two bucks.  Shave as well...
-Sell maps?	What of?
-What of?	The city.  I need to get to the ocean.
-The city.  I need to get to the ocean.	Nope.  No maps.  Ocean, huh?  On vacation?
-Mnunn.  Cold lately.  That night, couple weeks ago.  That was real cold.  Remember that?	Not really...
-Not really...	Yeah, Iím like that.  Senility says the wife.  But she sure canít complain.  Heh.  The erector set still works good.  And this ainít no fucking rug! Gíhead.  Feel it!  All mine!
-How long have you been here?	Maybe ten minutes...  Thatís strange.
-Maybe ten minutes...  Thatís strange.	Spinning backwards?
-What's he doing here?	Says he is the man's doctor...  You know...
-Says he is the man's doctor...  You know...	I know it's his doctor...  I need the file on..  Daniel Paul Schreber M.D.
-All the same entry wounds.  It's definitely him.  She lives...  lived here.  A prostitute.	The other one?
-The other one?	His wife.
-His wife.	Jesus.  Small world.  Where's the photographer?
-Jesus.  Small world.  Where's the photographer?	No one available.
-They don't speak English...	How will we interrogate them?
-How will we interrogate them?	Well, sir...  I don't know exactly.
-Police.  Nobody move.	He tried to kill me!
-He tried to kill me!	Shut up!  Everybody stay calm...
-Doctor!  What brings you here?	Just visiting my patient.
-Just visiting my patient.	Really?  And how is his state of mind?
-Really?  And how is his state of mind?	He's seriously disturbed...
-You seem a little edgy.  Everything okay?	Yes, of course.  Everything's fine...
-To tell you the truth, I'm glad we've run into each other like this.  Maybe you can help me tidy some loose ends.	Loose ends?
-I met a friend of yours the other night, doctor.  Tall fellow.  No hair.  Rather pale skin...	I don't know what you're talking about.
-I don't know what you're talking about.	That's surprising.  He was leaving your office at the time...
-That's surprising.  He was leaving your office at the time...	You are mistaken.
-Please, they'll kill me...	I think it's time you introduced us to your little friends.
-In there.	Just like that?
-What is this place?	You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Inspector.  Have patience  - you'll see for yourself.
-Was that for real down there?	I'm afraid so.
-Good evening, sir.	Yes.  This way.
-Why are you wearing that thing on your face?	Germs, sir.  These places are full of them.
-Germs, sir.  These places are full of them.	I see.  One thingís for sure, heís ambitious. Youíll be a busy man from now on.
-What about Thompson, sir?  Wasnít this his case?	Thompson suffered a kind of severe delusion or some damn thing.  Anyway he isnít with us any longer.  The case is yours.  Go through his files. Take what you need.  By the way, howís your mother?
-Thompson suffered a kind of severe delusion or some damn thing.  Anyway he isnít with us any longer.  The case is yours.  Go through his files. Take what you need.  By the way, howís your mother?	Sheís getting better, thanks.  She...
-Why do you want to speak to him?	A hunch.  He might be able to...
-Itís extremely important to my investigation...	Iíll be the judge of that.  Anything else?
-Iíll be the judge of that.  Anything else?	Actually, I was wondering, sir, if you could let me have a few uniforms, to follow up for me...
-Lost something?	What makes you think that!  If you would learn to concentrate on facts, not get so side-tracked  -  you might get things done faster, Bumstead...
-Yes.  That's right.  He's ill  -  he needs expert help.	I see...
-Yes, sir.  I'm sorry...  But I don't understand how it was possible.  The only window was twenty feet up a vertical wall, he was cuffed...	How could you have been so stupid?
-Bumstead, you're starting to annoy me.  This case is very important to me.  Just a little warning:  I've got my eye on you inspector, remember that.	Yes, sir.
-Dammit!	Sorry, sir.
-Sorry, sir.	Donít ever sneak up on me like that! Who are you?
-Donít ever sneak up on me like that! Who are you?	Patricia Crenshaw.
-Iím your new assistant.	I didnít requisition a secretary.
-I didnít requisition a secretary.	The Chief-Inspector thought you might need a hand.
-Iíve taken the liberty and had Inspector Thompsonís office searched, as I believe you instructed.  All clear now, sir.  They found several more traps and things were filed under pretty strange categories... Poor man.	Good.
-Good.	You wonít regret this, sir.
-You wonít regret this, sir.	Fine.
-You typed this report?	Yes, sir.  Anything wrong?
-Yes, sir.  Anything wrong?	Wrong?  Look at this!
-It seems fine.	Fine?  Look here!
-How can I submit this?	Iím sorry...
-Iím sorry...	Do you wash your hands before you type things?
-Do you wash your hands before you type things?	Why, yes.
-Why, yes.	Well be more careful, please.
-Who is it?	Won't say.  Says he must talk to you.
-Won't say.  Says he must talk to you.	Put it through...
-I need everything on the Jonathan White case.	Yes, sir.  Everything?
-Yes, sir.  Everything?	All the important stuff.  Wrap it up for me.
-Where are we going?	Shut-up.
-Why give yourself up?	I  -  ah - couldn't think of anything else to do.  I thought maybe you know something...  I'm scared.
-I  -  ah - couldn't think of anything else to do.  I thought maybe you know something...  I'm scared.	That was a pretty good escape act at the station.  How did you do that?
-That was a pretty good escape act at the station.  How did you do that?	I woke up in a subway.  I don't know how I got there.
-People...  after me.	Who?
-Who?	I don't know who they are.
-I don't know who they are.	Why are they after you?
-Why are they after you?	Don't know that either.
-Don't know that either.	Don't know much, do you?
-They didn't have faces.	What?
-What?	That's right.  Just seamless flesh across the front of their heads.  No mistake.  I just hadn't remembered it that way.  Up until then they had been normal little girls in my memory.  That's not all.  Once I started examining them, all sorts of things about my life, had... inconsistencies.  It was like a game. I would think about a person or a place, or an event.  Then I would turn the lights off.  Sit down in a comfortable chair...  And study each detail of this subject.
-Go on.	Well.  The only thing I've been certain of, all this time, is that I need to get to the ocean.  The point is no one seems to know how to get there.
-Well.  The only thing I've been certain of, all this time, is that I need to get to the ocean.  The point is no one seems to know how to get there.	Why, that's ridiculous.  You just...
-Where do you think this goes?	It sure isn't the fun-fair.
-What now?	This ocean business...  I know where I can find a map.  I need to go back to the station.  Where will you be?
-Can't let you in...  sorry.	I'm on the serial killer case, need to talk.
-I'm on the serial killer case, need to talk.	Not that.  Anything else.
-They've taken my mind, my memories...	What?  Who has?
-What?  Who has?	Is that your idea of a joke?  I don't remember...  Take my advice, Bumstead.  Get off this case.  Now.
-Is that your idea of a joke?  I don't remember...  Take my advice, Bumstead.  Get off this case.  Now.	What is going on?
-Jesus!  We have to get you to a doctor...	No...  No doctor...
-But...  How long has this been happening?	A few days...  a few weeks  -  dunno, I can't remember.  Worse thing is, I never know if it will change back again...  Now, please leave me alone.
-Look!  This is a good one!	What is that door?
-What is that door?	Which one?
-Which one?	There.  Behind the cabinet.  Where does it go?
-Such a joker!  Like your father.	No.  Have a look.
-You see it?	Yes.
-Yes.	Where does it lead?
-Where does it lead?	It must be a closet or something.
-A fanciful idea, Mister White.	Everyone has a job  -  a function.  Each one teaches you more about your invention.  I'm what is called a murderer.
-A book of delusions.  Anything else?	But I...
-But I...	I see.  The verdict, yes...
-I see.  The verdict, yes...	Wait, this isn't fair...
-I didn't realise...	Shut up, freak!  Monster!  You are insignificant.
-No.  I, ah...	You seem restless.
-Someoneís after me.	Then we must call the police.
-Then we must call the police.	No.  I mean...  that isnít necessary.
-I see.  Then who is after you?  What sins have you committed?	Just let me sit here for a moment? Iíll go soon, and stop bothering you.
-Donít kill me!	Shut up!
-Shut up!	Please...
-You remember nothing?  Who you are? What you've done?	You know something about me?
-You know something about me?	Ah, that would be cheating, wouldn't it?  Is there nothing you remember?  Not even a detail?   You must try.
-Ah, that would be cheating, wouldn't it?  Is there nothing you remember?  Not even a detail?   You must try.	You think I haven't been trying!  It's like there was never anything there.  Just water.
-You think I haven't been trying!  It's like there was never anything there.  Just water.	Water?
-Water?	Waves...  A beach.  A woman whispering.  That's all.  I need to stay awake.  Do you have any pills?
-What does she say?  The woman.	Asks my name.  Over and over.  Just like a broken record.  Only thing is, I can't answer.  I've no idea what my name is.
-Asks my name.  Over and over.  Just like a broken record.  Only thing is, I can't answer.  I've no idea what my name is.	Your name is John White.
-Your name is John White.	That's what people keep telling me.
-Bad dreams?	Yes.
-Yes.	Tell me about them...
-If you like.	You're supposed to be my doctor, right?
-You're supposed to be my doctor, right?	That's right.  I am your doctor.
-Known me for long?	Well...
-I cannot say...  You don't know the answer to that?	I told you, I can't remember a thing!
-Did she drown?  The woman you told me about?	Not exactly.  She was found in a canal, disembowelled.  Throat cut. Blood drained.  The body wrapped in a bed-sheet.
-Horrible...	You remember nothing, eh?  Let me show you something.
-We are little more than a sum of memories.  From them we reference who we are, where we're going.  Without a past we are nothing.  This is why you are so interesting.	I'm nothing then.
-I'm nothing then.	Anything but, my friend.
-Can I get my life back?	Maybe.
-I'm sorry.  About before.	I don't blame you for getting angry. You are in a frustrating situation. You must be patient though.  Trust me completely.  I'm here to help.
-What are you doing?	I have to go...
-I have to go...	You can't go yet.  We've got so much to talk about...
-You're a liar!	No, it's the truth.
-No, it's the truth.	So you're telling me the truth this time?  Is that it!
-If you would only take this, inject it in your brain, everything would be much clearer.	Not that again...
-Not that again...	Everyone get's one  -  very much like this...  But this one's special.  It will help you understand, everything...
-You've been working too hard.	Please!  Don't be foolish!  Time is short.  Let me show you something. Look at this syringe.
-Please!  Don't be foolish!  Time is short.  Let me show you something. Look at this syringe.	Why?
-Why?	Don't ask stupid questions.  Look at it.
-It's a trick.	No it isn't.  You are doing it!  Now raise it over the glass and...
-What are you hiding?	Nothing.  I don't know anything!
-What happened to you?	I'm...  being...  punished.
-What is it?	We are...  living in their dreams...
-I thought it would make more sense. I'm getting the pieces, but when I put it together it feels like... Like you're telling me about somebody else's life...	It's the truth...  I need you.  I know you're innocent.
-It's the truth...  I need you.  I know you're innocent.	How do you know I'm innocent?
-How do you know I'm innocent?	Of course you are.  You couldn't do those terrible things.  Come home with me  -  maybe things will make sense then...
-Of course you are.  You couldn't do those terrible things.  Come home with me  -  maybe things will make sense then...	I can't do that.  It's dangerous. What about my parents?  Do you know where I can find them?
-I can't do that.  It's dangerous. What about my parents?  Do you know where I can find them?	They're dead, John.
-How do I get there?  Tell me.	That's easy.  You...
-You understand what you'll be doing?	Yeah... You just want me to wave, right?
-Yeah... You just want me to wave, right?	Wave from the door... go down the stairs... get into the limo...
-Wave from the door... go down the stairs... get into the limo...	`Cause you know I can do other stuff. I mean,  if you wanted me to talk or...
-`Cause you know I can do other stuff. I mean,  if you wanted me to talk or...	Don't say a .
-Don't say a .	Right.
-Uh --Mr. Alexander?	What?
-What?	Is this dangerous or anything?
-Is this dangerous or anything?	No more than the usual.
-No more than the usual.	The usual...
-How much do you usually get paid?	Uh -- I don't know.   Sometimes it's just like a barter thing...  Is this legal?
-First Lady...	Don't worry.  You won't even see her.
-They barely talk anymore.	You're kidding?
-You're kidding?	It happens.  This is where you'll be sleeping.
-Holy cow.	We'll be back for you first thing tomorrow and if you need me for anything, Duane will be right outside the door.
-We'll be back for you first thing tomorrow and if you need me for anything, Duane will be right outside the door.	Oh... Okay.
-Now, remember -- keep it simple.	Don't worry.
-What's with her?	Don't worry about it.
-Okay, let's go over it again. You met a girl, you fell in love...	And we're going away for a holiday.
-And we're going away for a holiday.	For a month.
-For a month.	A month.
-A month.	Right and don't embellish.
-Right and don't embellish.	I promise.  I won't.
-First thing we're gonna work on is the mannerisms.  Alan has put together sort of a training program	Great.
-I'm not certain about...	Oh, sure.  Remember the convention speech?
-Dave...	It's in the little leaguer who may strike out but knows in his heart that at least swung...  Hands to the side...
-Be a professional. If you can convince her - - you can convince anybody.	... Alright.
-... Alright.	Now when she comes in, we'll move you right out to the balcony.  All you have to say is  `thanks for doing this, Ellen.'
-Now when she comes in, we'll move you right out to the balcony.  All you have to say is  `thanks for doing this, Ellen.'	`Thanks for doing this, Ellen.'
-Mr. President...	I mean,  if it's a problem...
-What the hell is this?	What the hell is this ?
-The Washington Post.	No...
-That shelter was in this bill.	Alan
-Alan	Lots of shelters were in this bill.
-Lots of shelters were in this bill.	) Listen, you little...
-Uh, Mr. President... I don't believe that's on your agenda today.	Well it's a last minute change.
-.. Nothing.	Great.
-Choices???	Yes, Bob.   Choices... Now the Commerce Department..,
-What do you think you're doing?!	You mean the press conference?  I have a couple of ideas I wanted to share with the country.
-You mean the press conference?  I have a couple of ideas I wanted to share with the country.	Share...
-You're nothing.  Do you understand me! You're NOBODY...	I'm... not... nobody...
-I'm... not... nobody...	You're lint!  You're a flea!  You're a blip!
-You're lint!  You're a flea!  You're a blip!	Well, maybe I am.  But you're fired.
-... what?	I said you're fired.  Go on -- get outta here.
-Oh... I'm fired?	Yeah.
-You're fired.	Fine...
-Fine?	Fine.
-Die, you pond scum!	I'm the President and as they say 'The buck stops here.'  So I take full responsibility for every one of my illegal acts.
-They say it hit both sides of his brain... Even if he makes it he's gonna be a vegetable.	I can't believe he'd do this.
-I can't believe he'd do this.	I know.
-Where's the girl?	She's a little hysterical right now. We've got her upstairs in a laundry room.
-She's a little hysterical right now. We've got her upstairs in a laundry room.	Nightmare...
-Nightmare...	Look... at some point we're going to have to call the Vice President...
-Look... at some point we're going to have to call the Vice President...	Don't call the Vice President!
-Don't call the Vice President!	... What?
-... What?	Just don't call him, Alan!
-Just don't call him, Alan!	The guy's in a coma, Bob.
-The guy's in a coma, Bob.	I don't give a shit.
-I don't give a shit.	Bob...
-Bob...	This is mine, Al -- all mine ... I made him. I built him.  And no cocksucker is gonna come in here and take it away from me just because he to be Vice President of the United States!
-Till what?	TilT we figure something out.
-TilT we figure something out.	Bob, the guy had a stroke!
-Look, everything can be handled.  We'll just find a way to handle it.	Like how?
-Like how?	Well, start by going on television and saying that he's had a mild stroke...
-Well, start by going on television and saying that he's had a mild stroke...	Mild stroke?
-Mild stroke?	Yes - - and that he ought to be up and around sometime soon.
-Yes - - and that he ought to be up and around sometime soon.	Up and around?  Soon?
-Up and around?  Soon?	Soon.
-A condition...	Exactly. A condition.
-We think so.	Yes.
-Do you know how many different kinds of laws we've broken?	It's simple, Alan.  We send the Vice- President to Africa or something, dig up some dirt on him, force him to resign and get our `President' to nominate a new one.  The whole thing takes a few weeks tops.
-You mean we get `Dave' to nominate you as Vice President.	I was a senator, you know.
-I was a senator, you know.	Oh, I know. And then when our poor President gets another stroke - - of course much more serious this time - - the newly appointed V.P. becomes the Pres...
-Oh, I know. And then when our poor President gets another stroke - - of course much more serious this time - - the newly appointed V.P. becomes the Pres...	What about containment, Alan?
-I got the nurses for fifty grand a piece and the doctors for a hundred. The older one wanted head of the CDC.	Is that everybody?
-Is that everybody?	Duane's guys, but he's got them under control.
-Duane's guys, but he's got them under control.	What about her.
-What about her.	Her?... Oh -- the First Lady...  She was giving that commencement speech up in Bryn Mawr.  I managed to catch her before she left the hotel.
-Her?... Oh -- the First Lady...  She was giving that commencement speech up in Bryn Mawr.  I managed to catch her before she left the hotel.	And...
-And...	I told her his blood pressure went up after a little incident at  `the hotel.' She seems to hate him more than ever.
-I told her his blood pressure went up after a little incident at  `the hotel.' She seems to hate him more than ever.	Fine.
-Fine.	Everybody else is buying the minor stroke'  story...
-Everybody else is buying the minor stroke'  story...	I just hope this yutz can pull it off.
-Clean.	What do you mean, he's clean?
-I mean I've checked everything. Women.  Liquor... Finances.  I went all the way back to his high school race for student body president.	No one gets to be Vice President by being that clean.
-No one gets to be Vice President by being that clean.	The guy's a Boy Scout, Bob.  He declared frequent flyer miles on his income tax return.
-What about the wife?	Clean.
-Clean.	Check his kids.
-Check his kids.	Clean.
-Clean.	Nobody's got clean kids.
-Nobody's got clean kids.	We've got nothing, Bob.  This won't work.
-We've got nothing, Bob.  This won't work.	If we find nothing, we get creative. Just make something up.  Instead of a couple weeks it'll be a couple of months.  The whole thing is under control.
-If we find nothing, we get creative. Just make something up.  Instead of a couple weeks it'll be a couple of months.  The whole thing is under control.	You think we can keep this thing going for a couple of months!
-Okay, let's see... you can have him on Tuesday the 25th...	Are you out of your mind?
-Uh, let me get back to you...	You scheduled a whole day with the First Lady?
-You scheduled a whole day with the First Lady?	It's a homeless shelter.
-It's a homeless shelter.	Oh.  Excuse me.
-Oh.  Excuse me.	It's gonna be great.  'Caring about his wife.'  'Spending time on her favorite issue...'
-It's gonna be great.  'Caring about his wife.'  'Spending time on her favorite issue...'	I don't want him caring about his wife! What about the Vice President!
-I don't want him caring about his wife! What about the Vice President!	Remember that First Liberty stuff we almost got nailed on?
-When does it break?	Couple of days.  Anyhow, look at these tracking polls, they'll burn up in your hands: seventy- three percent with seniors, eighty- four with working mothers...
-Couple of days.  Anyhow, look at these tracking polls, they'll burn up in your hands: seventy- three percent with seniors, eighty- four with working mothers...	Alan, we still have to control this guy...
-Alan, we still have to control this guy...	And look at this.  Russell came around on the trade bill.
-And look at this.  Russell came around on the trade bill.	You're kidding.
-You're kidding.	How long have you been waiting to pass that thing?
-How long have you been waiting to pass that thing?	Three years.
-Three years.	I'm telling you, Bob,  it's a gift. When you got a Ferrari you don't leave it in the garage.
-No!...  WE didn't anything...	Dave, these things get awfully complicated sometimes...
-What's with the cameras?	Hundredth cabinet meeting.  I thought it was a nice touch.
-Hundredth cabinet meeting.  I thought it was a nice touch.	Oh.  Fine.
-Do we have anything on the budget today?	I don't think so.
-What are you gonna do?	I'm going to kill him.
-I'm going to kill him.	You can't kill a President.
-He's not a President! He's an ordinary person.  I can kill an ordinary person.	Bob...
-Bob...	I can kill a HUNDRED ordinary people.
-I can kill a HUNDRED ordinary people.	He's only doing what you told him to.
-He's only doing what you told him to.	What I told him to?
-What I told him to?	I heard you.  You said 'cut three hundred million dollars from the federal budget, and you can keep your homeless shelter.'
-I heard you.  You said 'cut three hundred million dollars from the federal budget, and you can keep your homeless shelter.'	Well, I didn't mean it, Alan. Why the fuck would I want to save a homeless shelter?
-Well, I didn't mean it, Alan. Why the fuck would I want to save a homeless shelter?	He was only doing his job.
-It's not his job -- It's my job!	Bob...
-Bob...	Was he a senator? Is he on the Trilateral Commission? Was he in Who's Who In Washington NINE YEARS Reed wrestles him away from the door, as Bob struggles to get free.  I'll destroy him, Alan. I'll shred the bastard!!!
-Was he a senator? Is he on the Trilateral Commission? Was he in Who's Who In Washington NINE YEARS Reed wrestles him away from the door, as Bob struggles to get free.  I'll destroy him, Alan. I'll shred the bastard!!!	Don't do this.
-Don't do this.	I'll lock him away for good.
-I'll lock him away for good.	Then we'll all go to jail together.
-What do you mean by that?	Just what you think I mean.
-Just what you think I mean.	Are you threatening me?
-Are you threatening me?	Sort of... Yeah.
-Uh-oh...	... But as I began to investigate, I realized that this pattern of corruption extended much higher...
-... But as I began to investigate, I realized that this pattern of corruption extended much higher...	Jesus...
-So you want to go swimming?	Dave -- I'm working.
-Dave -- I'm working.	Oh yeah... Me, too.  You want to get dinner later?
-Oh yeah... Me, too.  You want to get dinner later?	I was gonna do something with Joan.
-I was gonna do something with Joan.	Oh. Okay.  I'll catch ya tomorrow then.
-I'm serious, Dave -- you could get in a lot of trouble for something like this.	It's fine.
-It's fine.	They could put you in jail.
-They could put you in jail.	Why would they do that.  They hired me.
-I don't think so	This is undeclared income.
-This is undeclared income.	And who's gonna find out?
-And who's gonna find out?	The government
-The government	I am the government.
-I gotta tell ya, Dave.  I've been going over this a bunch of times and a lot of this stuff just doesn't add up.  Who does these books?	I'm not sure.
-I gotta tell ya, Dave.  I've been going over this a bunch of times and a lot of this stuff just doesn't add up.  Who does these books?	I'm not sure.
-I'm not sure.	I just think they make this stuff a lot more complicated than it has to be.
-I just think they make this stuff a lot more complicated than it has to be.	I'm not surprised.  Can we save anywhere?
-I'm not surprised.  Can we save anywhere?	Well, yeah.  But you gotta start making some choices.
-Well, yeah.  But you gotta start making some choices.	Choices?
-Choices?	You know -- priorities.  Remember when you couldn't get your car fixed `cause you wanted to get that piano?
-You know -- priorities.  Remember when you couldn't get your car fixed `cause you wanted to get that piano?	You could buy it on payments.
-You could buy it on payments.	Yeah.  That's how you end up with a 400 billion dollar deficit.
-Yeah.  That's how you end up with a 400 billion dollar deficit.	So what do we do?
-So what do we do?	Well, there's lots of places where I think you can save, but I'm not the one who's ....... I mean, I'm not the one who's not the Pres...
-Well, there's lots of places where I think you can save, but I'm not the one who's ....... I mean, I'm not the one who's not the Pres...	It's alright.  I know what you mean. Let's start at the top.
-Thanks. You did great.  Maybe later you could come back and we could go to Camp David or something.	That'd be great.
-That'd be great.	Well -- take care.
-You sure?  A Coke or a Perrier or something?	Oh yeah... 1'm fine...
-Now, Dave, something has come up and I think we need to talk about it...	Look, I'm sorry.  I know you said not to talk, but when I saw the crowd I just got excited...
-Look, I'm sorry.  I know you said not to talk, but when I saw the crowd I just got excited...	We're not upset with you, Dave.  We think you did a terrific job.  Don't we?
-In fact, we think you did such a good job, we'd like to extend things a little bit.	Extend things?
-Extend things?	Extend them.  C'mere for a second.
-Oh my God...	I know...  I know...  It's difficult for all of us.  But sometimes we have to put our personal feelings aside and focus on the gQod of the country.
-I know...  I know...  It's difficult for all of us.  But sometimes we have to put our personal feelings aside and focus on the gQod of the country.	What happened?
-What happened?	Well, it's...  It's sort of an... an `incident'  really...
-It's actually kind of serious, Dave. I'm afraid the President's not in very good shape.	Oh my gosh...
-Will he be alright?	Oh, yeah... probably...
-No.	I'm afraid so.
-I'm afraid so.	Really?   Crazy?
-You know, on an empty road where you know it's safe and nobody's around...	I'm not sure... I might have.
-I'm not sure... I might have.	Well,  let's say your mother was in the car and you had to get her to a hospital.  You'd do it then for sure wouldn't you?
-Well,  let's say your mother was in the car and you had to get her to a hospital.  You'd do it then for sure wouldn't you?	Well... I gues I would... Yeah.
-Well... I gues I would... Yeah.	Now,  let's say the whole country. Was in that car.   The entire United States of America.
-Now,  let's say the whole country. Was in that car.   The entire United States of America.	In the car?
-In the car?	In the car.
-In the car.	I see what you mean.
-Now some of this may feel a bit Strange at first.  You gotta remember that even a professional Politician has Some trouble getting used to...	A teleprompter.
-A teleprompter.	What?
-The teleprompter.  Is it hooked up?	I don't think so.
-I don't think so.	Oh.
-Presence.	Right.  Now whenever he stands at a Podium, the President always puts one hand in the pocket of his coat...
-Right.  Now whenever he stands at a Podium, the President always puts one hand in the pocket of his coat...	At a press conference.
-At a press conference.	What?
-What?	That's at a press conference. Otherwise he just puts `em right out there.
-Thanks, I wrote it.	... Somewhere there is a distant light, guiding us through this rocky shoal...'
-... Somewhere there is a distant light, guiding us through this rocky shoal...'	Dave...
-Dave...	'America isn't in what we say here tonight -- it's in the faces and the smiles of a Sunday afternoon...'  Hand on the heart...
-Dave!	'... It's in the gentle kindness of the family kitchen as we gather together when the sun goes down...'
-I thought you said I wasn't going to see her.	It's just five minutes.  She comes in. You wave to the press. She leaves.
-It's just five minutes.  She comes in. You wave to the press. She leaves.	Yeah, but the First Lady... Couldn't we start with a cousin or something?
-Yeah, but the First Lady... Couldn't we start with a cousin or something?	She hardly ever sees him and it'll be so fast, she won't have a chance to tell.
-Fine.	Fine.
-Gimme a quarter.	What?
-What?	Quick.  Gimme a quarter.
-President vetoes works bill?	We vetoed that?
-Dave, the budget's a very complicated thing.  Even I don't understand it sometimes.  Now occasionally we have to make some cuts and...	But we went there.  We saw those kids.
-Let's call it a night.   I can't take any more.	Right.  We can pick up on the rest tomorrow.
-What do you mean you made it all up?	We had to, Dave. The guy's a choir boy.
-We had to, Dave. The guy's a choir boy.	This is wrong, Alan!
-This is wrong, Alan!	Wrong...
-Wrong...	Alan...
-Alan...	Oh, I know, I know... It looks awfully bad.  It's really embarrassing.  But it was Bob's idea.
-We've got to fix this.	Absolutely.  Well, that might be kind of tough. Once the press starts smelling blood...
-`Dave'?	She knows.
-Now he's making stuff up about me.	He's not.
-Yes, Mr. President?	You're spending forty-three million dollars on an ad campaign to...  'Boost consumer confidence in the American auto industry.'
-You're spending forty-three million dollars on an ad campaign to...  'Boost consumer confidence in the American auto industry.'	And it's proving quite effective...
-And it's proving quite effective...	Does it make the cars any better?
-Does it make the cars any better?	No,  sir.  It's more of a perceptual issue.
-No,  sir.  It's more of a perceptual issue.	Perceptual?
-Perceptual?	Yes, it's designed to bolster individual confidence in a previous domestic automotive purchase.
-Yes, it's designed to bolster individual confidence in a previous domestic automotive purchase.	Why?
-Why?	Well... to shore up product identification and preserve market share.
-Well... to shore up product identification and preserve market share.	So we're spending forty-seven million dollars to make people feel better about a car they've already bought?
-So we're spending forty-seven million dollars to make people feel better about a car they've already bought?	Yes, but I wouldn't...
-Yes, but I wouldn't...	Well I'm sure that's really important, but I don't want to tell some eight- year-old kid he has to sleep in the street because we want people to feel better about their cars.  Do you want to tell him that?
-This is from the people of Burundi...	Oh... Thanks.
-Oh... Thanks.	And these are a gift from the King of To go.
-What are they?	Fertility beads.
-Fertility beads.	Ah.
-Mr. President, may I speak frankly with you?	Certainly.
-Something like what...	Oh, come on, we're not children.  I didn't have anything to do with this Fidelity nonsense and you know it.
-Oh, come on, we're not children.  I didn't have anything to do with this Fidelity nonsense and you know it.	The Fidelity nonsense...
-The Fidelity nonsense...	All I've got is my integrity.  That's all I have.  Now I don't know why you turned your attack dogs on me.
-All I've got is my integrity.  That's all I have.  Now I don't know why you turned your attack dogs on me.	They re not my attack dogs.
-They re not my attack dogs.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	I just fired Bob Alexander.
-Oh... Hi.	Dirty business we're in sometimes.
-Dirty business we're in sometimes.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	He's not gonna win -- not in the end... They never do.
-... Sometimes they do.	Yeah... Sometimes they do.
-You ever think back to how you started.	What?
-What?	You know.  Your first campaign.
-One day my wife says to me 'Why don't you try running for office.  You talk about it all the time, why don't you just do it?'  So I tell my boss I have a dentist appointment and I go down to the registrar of voters on my lunch break.  Next thing I know, I'm a councilman.	Really?
-Really?	My wife was my campaign manager. We had a two thousand dollar budget.
-How'd you get started?	Oh... Kinda the same way.
-Oh my God...  I thought it was a legitimate deduction, I swear to God. See... I need a piano for my work sometimes...	Mr. Kovic.   We're not here about your taxes.
-Mr. Kovic.   We're not here about your taxes.	You're not?
-You're not?	No.
-Your government needs your help.	What?
-What?	On occasion for security purposes, to double for the President at the Secret Service hires someone public functions and exposed situations.
-Really?	We'd like to hire you.
-We'd like to hire you.	Really?
-So, how long have they been like that - - you know, him and the First Lady?	I can't say.
-I can't say.	You mean you don't know or like -- you can't say.
-You mean you don't know or like -- you can't say.	I can't say.
-I can't say.	Oh.
-So you just protect the President the whole time?   That's your whole job?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	You got a gun?
-You got a gun?	Of course.
-You ever use it?	No.
-No.	Huh.  You know what I always wondered the way they say you guys'd take a bullet for the President.
-Huh.  You know what I always wondered the way they say you guys'd take a bullet for the President.	What about it?
-What about it?	Well, is that really true? I mean, would you really get killed just to save his life.
-Well, is that really true? I mean, would you really get killed just to save his life.	Certainly.
-Call Bob and Reed.  Tell them I need them immediately.	But it's ten-thirty at night.
-I was waiting for that jack.	I had a feeling.
-You mean with you and everything?	`Bleed for your king.'
-`Bleed for your king.'	What's that?
-What's that?	First thing they teach you at the academy.  `Don't give me gold and silver, or other worldly things, just the pride and glory of bleeding for my King.'
-First thing they teach you at the academy.  `Don't give me gold and silver, or other worldly things, just the pride and glory of bleeding for my King.'	You're kidding.
-You're kidding.	No... They don't kid.
-But Bill was your king, not Bob.	Yeah, but Bob found me when I was stuck in Firearms and Tobacco...
-Didn't mean to bum you out.	That's okay.  You alright down here by yourself?
-That's okay.  You alright down here by yourself?	Oh, sure.  Don't worry about it.
-Who?	The Vice-President...
-The Vice-President...	Oh... right...  You know, ever since the stroke...
-Well...	Well...
-You sure you don't want a lift back home?	No thanks.  It's not that far.
-I would have taken a bullet for I you, Dave.	Thanks, Duane.
-What are you staring at?	Uh...
-Thanks for doing this, Ellen.	Go tuck yourself, Bill.
-You bet.	I'm outta here.
-Don't you have anything to say to me?	Thanks for doing this, Ellen?
-Thanks for doing this, Ellen?	You don't change, do you, Bill?
-What?	Since when do you care about the homeless?
-I care about the homeless.	Yeah.  I'm sure it's keeping you up nights.
-... How could I what?	Oh, come on, Bill.  Don't patronize me.   I'm not one of your little...  Turn around.  I'm talking to you!... Turnaround!
-... You know, if you want to be the same old bastard, that's fine.  I can handle it.   But don't pull this 'man of the people' bullshit and then do something like this.	I don't understand.
-I don't understand.	That's not just a works bill you vetoed -- that would have given these kids homes...  ... When I think about that little spectacle you pulled with those muppets and that magic trick...
-That's not just a works bill you vetoed -- that would have given these kids homes...  ... When I think about that little spectacle you pulled with those muppets and that magic trick...	What's wrong with a magic trick?
-What's wrong with a magic trick?	You made their funding disappear!
-Look.  If there was some mistake...	There's no mistake, Bill.   If you veto their funding, it's not a mistake. If you hurt someone intentionally, it's not a mistake.
-... . Ellen.	I saw the light.  I thought maybe you were up.
-I saw the light.  I thought maybe you were up.	Oh... Yeah.
-Oh... Yeah.	Mind if I sit down?
-Mind if I sit down?	No.
-That was quite a thing you did today.	Anybody would have done it.
-Anybody would have done it.	Oh, I don't think so.  Still, you helped a lot of people.
-Kind of reminds me of that thing you did back in the state legislature.	Oh yeah?  Me, too.
-Oh yeah?  Me, too.	You weren't in the state legislature.
-I mean, what is it?  Another Secretary? A jaunt to the Bahamas with Some 'campaign worker.'  Where is he?	I don't know.
-When were you all planning to tell me? A year from now?   After the election...  What's going on here? Dave hesitates.	They asked me to help.
-They asked me to help.	I'm sure they did.  'State of Emergency.'  'National Security.' You ever hear of the Constitution?
-You're leaving?	I'm not the First Lady, anymore.  I shouldn't be here.
-I'm not the First Lady, anymore.  I shouldn't be here.	Where are you going?
-Where are you going?	Home.
-Where's home?	Oh, they didn't brief you on that? How sloppy of them.
-Just souvenirs.  Towels and stuff.	You1re leaving, too?
-You1re leaving, too?	I never wanted to hurt anybody.  In fact... I even thought I was helping.
-How were you gonna get home?	I don't know.  I hadn't thought it out that far.
-You sure this goes somewhere?	Truman used it all the time.
-You don't have to keep walking with me.   I'm okay from here.	I don't mind.
-I don't mind.	Thanks.
-He said he'll pick it up in a couple of days.	Oh... Okay.
-What?	It's just so strange...
-I lock at you and I see Bill...  I mean, he's almost dead, but he's right here... I mean, you're right here... alive and...	I'm not Bill Mitchell.
-In fact,  I'm not anything like him and... I guess I want you to know that.	He wasn't always like that, anyway.
-Are you hungry?	What?
-What?	I'm starving.   There's got to be something open around here.
-I really don't have much of an appetite.	Just wait.
-That's a secret.	You have a lot of secrets.
-You have a lot of secrets.	I guess.
-So what do you do the rest of the time?	You mean when I'm not running the country?
-You mean when I'm not running the country?	Yes.
-Yes.	I run a temp agency.
-You know, secretaries and stiff.	You find people jobs?
-You find people jobs?	Yeah.  Is that funny?
-Yeah.  Is that funny?	It's just more than anybody else does around here.
-It's just more than anybody else does around here.	Well don't get carried away -- I'm not that good at it.
-You know, Dave -- it is Dave, isn't it?  I can't keep all of this a secret.	I know.
-I know.	But you could go to jail for it.
-It was okay?	It was inspirational.
-Well I guess...	Yeah... Bedtime.
-What?	I can't.
-I can't.	I know. I'm sorry...
-I know. I'm sorry...	I mean, I want to... I just, I feel strange...
-I mean, I want to... I just, I feel strange...	That's okay.
-What's wrong?	Looks like we're not going to get a chance to get much done.
-They're crucifying you out there.	Yeah, but we got a little bit done. And if you do a little and I do a little... then maybe the next guy'll do a little...
-Yeah, but we got a little bit done. And if you do a little and I do a little... then maybe the next guy'll do a little...	You really believe that?
-You really believe that?	Yeah.  And it's better than not believing it Their faces are inches apart.
-Yeah.  And it's better than not believing it Their faces are inches apart.	I sure fall for some weird guys.
-Yeah.   He's a good man.	What?
-Hi.	Hi.
-Hi.	) Thought I needed a little change.  You like it?
-) Thought I needed a little change.  You like it?	It's nice.
-I saw you on T.V... at his funeral.	Yeah, well... It's finally over.
-I never thought I'd...	I know.
-I know.	I missed...
-I missed...	... Me, too.
-So this is it?	... Not exactly the Oval Office.
-... Not exactly the Oval Office.	Oh... I lived with a President.  It isn't any fun.
-It could be fun.	Yeah... It could be fun.
-I wish I had better news... Our compassion index is off seven points from the last sample and that's down eighteen on the year.  The `Cares About People Like Me' numbers are really in the toilet.  We're off twenty points from March and that was right after we raised interest rates...	Dammit...  I told them no mayo.  See - - I could veto this Simpson Garner thing, but I really don't want to do that...
-The Monroe?	Uh, yes, sir.  The Monroe Hotel...
-Did you get someone to double for me there, out front?	We're working on it.
-We're working on it.	Try to find someone who looks like me this time.  That last guy was a joke.
-Try to find someone who looks like me this time.  That last guy was a joke.	We're doing our best, sir.
-We're all set,  sir.	What about the intro?
-What about the intro?	It'll be on the teleprompter with the rest of the speech.
-It'll be on the teleprompter with the rest of the speech.	It better be.   Last time you had me introduce a dead guy.
-Who's this priest I'm thanking?	Father Mclntire.   He blessed you at the inauguration.
-Father Mclntire.   He blessed you at the inauguration.	Oh yeah.  Did you take care of later on?
-Oh yeah.  Did you take care of later on?	All set.
-All set.	Fabulous.
-Please...senor...destroy me...one bullet...please.	Maybe. We'll have a little talk first. Then....maybe...I can help you out. String him up.
-Please....shoot me.	And if I don't? If I don't you'll come back after your death. You'll come back and find yourself hanging there...wanting to eat...needing to eat human flesh. You hate that thought, don't you? That's the ultimate sin for most of you fools, isn't it?
-After hanging up there a few days you will be mad for food...crazed! You will lust for it! YOU WILL BE WORSE THAN ANY OF THEM!	NO...NOOOOOOO...SHOOT ME! SHOOT ME! SHOOOOOOOOOT MEEEEEEEEE!!!
-NO...NOOOOOOO...SHOOT ME! SHOOT ME! SHOOOOOOOOOT MEEEEEEEEE!!!	I'll bargain with you. How many of you are on the island?
-I'll bargain with you. How many of you are on the island?	Two of us...only two of us...me...and him.
-Two of us...only two of us...me...and him.	I don't believe you, rebel. Where are your headquarters? On the mainland?
-I don't believe you, rebel. Where are your headquarters? On the mainland?	The mainland...is dead...a dead place...nobody there...
-The mainland...is dead...a dead place...nobody there...	Where are your headquarters, rebel? Tell me or I'll let you hang there forever...FOREVER!
-Where are your headquarters, rebel? Tell me or I'll let you hang there forever...FOREVER!	There are no...headquarters. There are no...rebels. Only the walking dead. Don't you see. They have won.
-There are no...headquarters. There are no...rebels. Only the walking dead. Don't you see. They have won.	Then why did you come here?
-Then why did you come here?	To look...look for a place...a place to live in...an empty place...a... new...place...
-To look...look for a place...a place to live in...an empty place...a... new...place...	How did you know we were on this island? Do others know? Will others come?
-How did you know we were on this island? Do others know? Will others come?	Nooooo. Believe me. There are no others...no rebels...nobody...it's over...it's ooooo....
-Help me get him to the boat.	Leave him.
-His madness....could be from shock.	No. I didn't stop the infection in time. I know.  Don't worry. When he dies, I won't be like Maria. I'll shoot him.
-What is it?	I dunno. Landing pad for a helicopter? I dunno.
-It's some kind of....elevator. There must be something under the ground here....maybe....military.	Look.
-What do we do? Let'em know we're here....or what?	Let's just....wait a minute. Get a better look.
-It can't be. Are we truly in hell?	Come on.
-What is it?	The tunnel.
-Are you alright, Doc? You look... you look real bad.	I have looked bad for four years. Everyone in the world has looked bad for four years. Thank God looks don't matter as much as they once did.
-I know it hurts. But it won't be long. Then all the pain will be over. Oh, I wish you could hear me. GOD, GIVE HER THE EARS TO HEAR ME SO SHE KNOWS I DON'T WANT HER TO HURT SO!	Quiet!
-Quiet!	Oh, yes. Quiet. Yes. We must be quiet.
-You'd hold us back. We have to go on.	Hmmmmmm? Oh, yes. Go on.
-Well, Miss Henried, what a coincidence. You're just in time fer a case that seems ta concern you. Guess you didn't care about the other proceedin's we been dealin' with here this mornin'.	I'm sorry. I was...busy. In the lab.
-I'm sorry. I was...busy. In the lab.	Well, you managed ta make it here jus' in time fer this case, didn't ya?
-Miss Henried, I think you better...	...Captain Rhodes is trying to...
-...Captain Rhodes is trying to...	MISS HENRIED, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
-Sir. It's quite clear that...	SHUT UP, MISS HENRIED! I TOL' YA B'FORE!
-SHUT UP, MISS HENRIED! I TOL' YA B'FORE!	THIS IS A TRAVESTY! CAPTAIN RHODES IS...
-THIS IS A TRAVESTY! CAPTAIN RHODES IS...	SIDDOWN, YOUNG LADY! I DONE YUP A SHIT-LOAD O' FAVOURS AND I AIN'T NEVER YET ASKED FER NOTHIN' IN RETURN! NOW HOW'D YOU LIKE TA SPEND TWO WEEKS UP T'THE VEGETABLE FARM YERSELF? THAT'S WHAT IT'LL BE IF YA DON'T SIDDOWN AN' SHUT THE HELL UP!
-Now I think Captain's punishment is fair, considerin'. In fact I think you ain't got shit ta complain about.	I'm sorry, General, if I...spoke out of turn. It's just that...Mr Tyler is not here to defend himself. He has no representation. I don't believe due process is being served by...
-I'm sorry, General, if I...spoke out of turn. It's just that...Mr Tyler is not here to defend himself. He has no representation. I don't believe due process is being served by...	Listen, Missy. I am the only due process that has ta be served aroun' tyere and one of the people doin' the servin' from now on is gonna be you. Now you been prancin' aroun' the Cave like yer ass was glass fer long enough! All that's
-Listen, Missy. I am the only due process that has ta be served aroun' tyere and one of the people doin' the servin' from now on is gonna be you. Now you been prancin' aroun' the Cave like yer ass was glass fer long enough! All that's	gonna change, young lady. Now if you still got a statement you'd like ta make, you can jus' hold onto it 'til tonight.
-gonna change, young lady. Now if you still got a statement you'd like ta make, you can jus' hold onto it 'til tonight.	Tonight?
-Tonight?	That's right. 'Bout eight, if that suits. We'll start out in my gymnasium an' progress on from there...to various other forms o' physical therapy.
-The great state of Florida. People came here fer years ta die. Retire and expire. The rest o' the country used ta think we was nothin' but a bunch o' farts and fogies. Hah! Now this here's the new Capital o' the World! Hah! They came here...died...went to hell...and the Devil sent 'em back as an army. Hah! General Gasparilla's army...MY ARMY!	We think there are other cities surviving. We think maybe Detroit... there's some signalling out of Philly.
-We think there are other cities surviving. We think maybe Detroit... there's some signalling out of Philly.	There's no place like this place. Warm climate. This facility. Christ, there ain't nothin' like this no-damn-where! Even the Feds knew that. That's why they stored so much o' their shit down here. It's all mine now. All mine. Just let 'em try ta come after us down here, which they will some day...take a likin' ta what all we got an' come after us. They'll hafta get past my army! An army that ain't afraid ta die...ha ha ha...'cause it's awreddy DAID! HA HA HA HA....
-There's no place like this place. Warm climate. This facility. Christ, there ain't nothin' like this no-damn-where! Even the Feds knew that. That's why they stored so much o' their shit down here. It's all mine now. All mine. Just let 'em try ta come after us down here, which they will some day...take a likin' ta what all we got an' come after us. They'll hafta get past my army! An army that ain't afraid ta die...ha ha ha...'cause it's awreddy DAID! HA HA HA HA....	It's not a very big army. And small as it is you won't be able to continue feeding it for very long. We've got to find ways of getting them to respond without relying on...
-It's not a very big army. And small as it is you won't be able to continue feeding it for very long. We've got to find ways of getting them to respond without relying on...	You'll find the ways, Miss Mary. And when ya do...we'll sail on over to the mainland...or any other damn mainland fer that matter...and start us a recruitin' program. There's millions o' Bees out there jus' waitin' fer' a General ta lead 'em on ta vict'ry!
-Bees. That's what we call the dead... the walking dead...here on Gasparilla's island.	Gasparilla?
-Gasparilla?	He was a pirate who sailed these waters long ago. His name is bein' borrowed these days by the long lost Henry Dickerson.
-He was a pirate who sailed these waters long ago. His name is bein' borrowed these days by the long lost Henry Dickerson.	Governor Dickerson? Of Florida?
-Governor Dickerson? Of Florida?	That's the man. He's been holed up here ever since the shit hit the fan. Him and his family owned these islands 'round here. They was leasin' this one to the Fed. The whole underneath is dug out. There was missiles here and laboratories and bomb proof housing, nuclear power, all o' that. Now this is Dickerson's....Gasparilla's... private fortress. Him and a bunch o' his cronies from all the best golf courses in Tallahassee...and his private army, of course.
-That's the man. He's been holed up here ever since the shit hit the fan. Him and his family owned these islands 'round here. They was leasin' this one to the Fed. The whole underneath is dug out. There was missiles here and laboratories and bomb proof housing, nuclear power, all o' that. Now this is Dickerson's....Gasparilla's... private fortress. Him and a bunch o' his cronies from all the best golf courses in Tallahassee...and his private army, of course.	We ran up against a platoon of soldiers. There were actually walking dead...in uniform...with guns.
-We ran up against a platoon of soldiers. There were actually walking dead...in uniform...with guns.	Captain Rhodes and his Red Coat Bees. They could sting, sister. We know you came up against 'em. We been watchin' you since you landed. Couldn't help. I'm sorry for that. We ain't supposed to be outside. If we was spotted it could....well, it could be the end of everything.
-Thanks. I can fight my own battles.	I know you can. Like I said, we been watchin' you.
-The man I was with...until today... believed that praying was for blind men who couldn't see the truth.	How we gonna break the curse without a prayer or two.
-How we gonna break the curse without a prayer or two.	Curse?
-Curse?	What is it if it ain't a curse?
-What is it if it ain't a curse?	It's a disease. It's a...a bug...a parasite that infects the brain.
-It's a disease. It's a...a bug...a parasite that infects the brain.	That sounds like a curse to me.
-That sounds like a curse to me.	We thought we were escaping here. We thought we'd found an uninhabited island. Christ! This place is a worse nightmare than anything I've seen yet!
-We thought we were escaping here. We thought we'd found an uninhabited island. Christ! This place is a worse nightmare than anything I've seen yet!	I'm sure that's true, miss. And that's why we're doin' what we're doin'. What's happenin' underground here is just what Lucifer planned for this sinful race o' man. But we're gonna beat Lucifer. We're gonna put an end to what's happenin' here.
-I'm sure that's true, miss. And that's why we're doin' what we're doin'. What's happenin' underground here is just what Lucifer planned for this sinful race o' man. But we're gonna beat Lucifer. We're gonna put an end to what's happenin' here.	Oh, what did I run into? A bunch o' Jesus nuts? Religiosos? Prayer won't stop a bullet from one of those storm troopers and prayer won't keep one of those monsters from eatin' your liver for lunch.
-Oh, what did I run into? A bunch o' Jesus nuts? Religiosos? Prayer won't stop a bullet from one of those storm troopers and prayer won't keep one of those monsters from eatin' your liver for lunch.	That's why we didn't use prayers on this here white coat 'til after he was destroyed. We ready to fight when we have to. And we gotta fight now.
-That's why we didn't use prayers on this here white coat 'til after he was destroyed. We ready to fight when we have to. And we gotta fight now.	Look. I BEEN fightin', mister. I been fightin' for what feels like a hundred years and I'm finished. I don't need religion. I don't need prayers. I need a couple guns and a couple hands. We can sail on outa here. Find another island where there ain't so much....traffic.
-Look. I BEEN fightin', mister. I been fightin' for what feels like a hundred years and I'm finished. I don't need religion. I don't need prayers. I need a couple guns and a couple hands. We can sail on outa here. Find another island where there ain't so much....traffic.	You think you can find your boat? There's a thousand little inlets and backwaters all through here. You remember all the ways you turned to get where you are now? You leave yourself a trail?
-I can find it myself. I didn't come that far.	Farther than you think. You'll get lost. You will. And there's Bees all through the jungle. I ain't lyin' to ya. Religiosos don't lie.
-Farther than you think. You'll get lost. You will. And there's Bees all through the jungle. I ain't lyin' to ya. Religiosos don't lie.	No. They just try to hold you for ransom. Fuck you, Moses! I'm outa here!
-They seem to be havin' a good time. Some punishment.	You disappear in here, darlin'. You get a knife in yer belly or too much shit in yer veins. You get lost out here and nobody's gonna notice. Rhodes, he counts on that. It all makes for food in the freezers.
-Let me go! I'm the one he wants. This is all happening because of me. If I turn myself in...	He's just finding another reason for bumpin' us off. Don't ya see. He needs us ta die. He needs our bodies.
-Toby's right. They're not gonna sit around with their fingers up their asses while we bust up their toys.	Datura.
-Datura.	What?
-What?	Datura Metel. The Devil's Trumpet. Don't worry. I ain't goin' religioso again. It's a flower that grows on these islands. Where I come from the voodoo priests used it whenever they needed a Mickey Finn. It's toxic. Ground up you can put it in a drink or inject it...or...in a sealed area it might be introduced through the ventilation system.
-Datura Metel. The Devil's Trumpet. Don't worry. I ain't goin' religioso again. It's a flower that grows on these islands. Where I come from the voodoo priests used it whenever they needed a Mickey Finn. It's toxic. Ground up you can put it in a drink or inject it...or...in a sealed area it might be introduced through the ventilation system.	Datura! Miguel knew it! Datura, he was shouting! Datura Metel!
-Datura! Miguel knew it! Datura, he was shouting! Datura Metel!	We always planned to use it. We got some ground up already...but we could never find enough.
-We always planned to use it. We got some ground up already...but we could never find enough.	There's hundreds of 'em. Right where we landed our boat.
-Looks like just two. We can take 'em when the time comes.	We're only about a quarter-mile from Cave entrance number five.
-What is it?	It's...he was...one who came to the island with me.
-How long do we have to watch him?	Forever, darlin'. Forever. 'Til he turns ta dust and blows away on the wind.
-It's alright. I'm a friend. I need help and so do you. What's a safe place to talk?	Ain't no place safe.
-Ain't no place safe.	Look...I know you have no reason to trust me. I've got friends in the Cave. I got some stuff comin' out this mornin'. I'm gonna try to get off the island.
-I'm gonna have this stuff sent over to the hospital...	The hospital?
-The hospital?	Yeah. My stuff's all marked with red crosses so nobody gets too nosey. Meet me at the hospital after the supplies come in. Maybe we can find a place there to talk.
-Yeah. My stuff's all marked with red crosses so nobody gets too nosey. Meet me at the hospital after the supplies come in. Maybe we can find a place there to talk.	Maybe.
-What'dya tell that soldier, soldier? You tell him we was rebels?	He's my contact for Chrissake! There's two crates. Can you get me into the hospital?
-There ya go. Complete with air canisters...little motors.	We got a boat.
-We got a boat.	What?
-What?	I say we got a boat. Can you get other stuff?
-I say we got a boat. Can you get other stuff?	I got some fuel comin' out and, I hope, some automatic rifles.
-It won't work. That's pure nitro you're dealin' with there. That stuff can blow if you look at is funny. What're you gonna do, walk into the Cave carryin' those tubes on feather pillows? You don't have a complete layout of the place. Even if you manage to avoid a fight you won't know where to go.	We're hopin' you can show us where ta go, Toby.
-We're hopin' you can show us where ta go, Toby.	Oh, no. I'm tryin' to get off this island alive. I'll help you all I can but I'm not goin' in there on a suicide mission. What can you hope to accomplish? Some radios maybe? A supply room or two? You'll all be killed and in a few weeks they'll be back to business as usual. That place was built to withstand nuclear attack! What are you gonna do with a half-dozen guns and a few sticks of nitro?
-Oh, no. I'm tryin' to get off this island alive. I'll help you all I can but I'm not goin' in there on a suicide mission. What can you hope to accomplish? Some radios maybe? A supply room or two? You'll all be killed and in a few weeks they'll be back to business as usual. That place was built to withstand nuclear attack! What are you gonna do with a half-dozen guns and a few sticks of nitro?	We're gonna blow up the powder magazine.
-We're gonna blow up the powder magazine.	What?
-What?	We know what's down there. We did the loading' and unloadin' when the stuff came ashore in the early days. A direct hit oughta do more than a few weeks worth o' damage.
-We know what's down there. We did the loading' and unloadin' when the stuff came ashore in the early days. A direct hit oughta do more than a few weeks worth o' damage.	A direct hit'll blow the top off this whole island! How're you gonna fuse the stuff? How're you gonna leave yourself time to get out?
-This stuff really works? No shit?	Quicker than gas. And it smells a lot prettier. It usually don't kill but it puts ya under fer a good night's sleep.
-Quicker than gas. And it smells a lot prettier. It usually don't kill but it puts ya under fer a good night's sleep.	If you could knock out the central communications room you could foul up their whole intercom system. Then, if you move fast enough, stay ahead of 'em...without bein' able to signal each other, they might have a hard time catchin' you.
-If you could knock out the central communications room you could foul up their whole intercom system. Then, if you move fast enough, stay ahead of 'em...without bein' able to signal each other, they might have a hard time catchin' you.	I say it's poetic. Pure calypso, brother. The Devil's Trumpet blowin' the notes o' doom for the Devil's troops. Ha ha ha ha ha...
-That entrance is closest to the labs and the Bee cages.	Come on. Let's go.
-That's the general alarm. Jesus! They musta got in!	What you wanna do?
-What you wanna do?	Come on!
-I didn't realise! Those were de-caps! I didn't know that....de-caps... revived!	Any dead whose brains are intact will revive.
-Any dead whose brains are intact will revive.	But...we bury the heads. Oh. God! It must be torture for them!
-But...we bury the heads. Oh. God! It must be torture for them!	They are brutes without feeling. Though I admit that I've requested cremation for myself. Burial is an archaic tradition, even more ridiculous now than it ever was. To say nothing of the...spacing problem...on a small island like this.
-They are brutes without feeling. Though I admit that I've requested cremation for myself. Burial is an archaic tradition, even more ridiculous now than it ever was. To say nothing of the...spacing problem...on a small island like this.	I thought the purpose of decapitation was to...to...
-I thought the purpose of decapitation was to...to...	The purpose of decapitation is to preserve as much...food...as possible. The purpose for feeding is to keep the beasts on our side. The fact that they can be taught to clean up our garbage or to fire a gun is a convenient side benefit, not the primary goal. The primary goal is to keep ourselves from becoming their supper. Keep them fed and they behave. Keep them hungry and they revert back to being the animals that they have always been. You saw them in there.
-He is dying. He knows it.	You are dying, too.
-You are dying, too.	No. The disease was cut away from me. I will live. I will live.
-Prayers have no power to save. The knife can save. It can cut the disease away. The bullet. It can shatter the brain where the evil takes seed. These are saviours...our new saviours...our only saviours.	We must wait. One day the curse will pass. One day a dead man will... will...
-We must wait. One day the curse will pass. One day a dead man will... will...	One day a dead man will refuse to return, and that man will be a saint. The first saint of our century. That's a prayer, too. A catechism. Something the priests tell us to believe.
-One day a dead man will refuse to return, and that man will be a saint. The first saint of our century. That's a prayer, too. A catechism. Something the priests tell us to believe.	You can believe this, Miguel. I'll kill you if you shoot. We must wait. I'll....I'll do it....I'll do it myself....when it needs to be done.
-You can believe this, Miguel. I'll kill you if you shoot. We must wait. I'll....I'll do it....I'll do it myself....when it needs to be done.	No. You won't be able to do it. He will rise. He will rise and you... you will die.
-Dios mia.	I tol' him. I tol' him this is a dead place. Like all the others.
-TONY....TONY....	PULL IN! GET THE OTHERS.
-Aaaaaaah...my God...my God...I am heartily sorry...for having offended Thee....offended Thee...	Shhhhh....Tony. Rest, rest.
-Shhhhh....Tony. Rest, rest.	I detest all my sins...because... because of Thy just punishment... because of Thy...just...punish...
-NOOOOOOOOO!	...but most of all because...they offend Thee, my God...Who art all good...and deserving...deserving of all my love...
-Come, come, Miss Science. You've seen worse.	God....damn you, Rhodes!
-God....damn you, Rhodes!	God has damned us all. Are my atrocities worse than yours?
-God has damned us all. Are my atrocities worse than yours?	You have ruined weeks of work here! We've been trying to wean these specimens onto alligator meat!
-You have ruined weeks of work here! We've been trying to wean these specimens onto alligator meat!	No wonder they're so....hungry.
-You gave them a fresh taste of blood!	They will never be satisfied with anything else, Miss Henried. They want human flesh. I'm prepared to take whatever steps are necessary to see to it they don't get mine! Not while I'm still using it!
-You can't run away from the planet, Miss Science. You can't even run away from the island, heh heh.	Leave me alone, you...COCKSUCKER!!!
-You're....you're disgusting! You're....FILTH!	And you're the one who builds the bomb and they says, 'I hope it'll never actually be used'.
-Julie Grant is a behaviouralist. She's not medical. She hasn't been as...exposed to...to things...as some of the rest of us. She'll be alright. I'll talk to her. She'll be alright.	Oh, I have no doubt.
-Oh, I have no doubt.	If you put her on the shit list because of her reaction here tonight I'll go to Dickerson.
-If you put her on the shit list because of her reaction here tonight I'll go to Dickerson.	Ah, yes, our noble Gasparilla does seem to favour you lately. I understand he assigned you a roommate of your choice. The rest of us have to pick names out of a hat.
-Ah, yes, our noble Gasparilla does seem to favour you lately. I understand he assigned you a roommate of your choice. The rest of us have to pick names out of a hat.	Rhodes, you and I had a roll in the hay together when I first got here. It was a wholly unsatisfying experience which I do not want to, and which I never will repeat! So give up, mister! I'm going home...to that roommate you mentioned.
-I had an unfortunate little run-in with him today. In fact...you might say that Mr. Tyler is in big trouble with the...authorities.	You better not mess with me, Rhodes. I'd love to serve your balls to those Red Coats for lunch! Think about it!
-You better not mess with me, Rhodes. I'd love to serve your balls to those Red Coats for lunch! Think about it!	No, Miss Science. You're the one who needs to do some thinking.
-Sir. In the matter of the State versus Private Tyler, I don't want to...	Sir, Tyler is innocent of any crime against the State. Captain Rhodes is...
-Toby...thank God...wait here. I gotta find out what's goin' on.	Hey. Slow down. What is it?
-Hey. Slow down. What is it?	Some of Rhodes' men. At the door.
-Some of Rhodes' men. At the door.	That bastard. I didn't think he'd make his move so fast.
-That bastard. I didn't think he'd make his move so fast.	It's because of me.
-It's because of me.	Oh, bullshit, Mary. It's because Rhodes is a prick.
-Oh, bullshit, Mary. It's because Rhodes is a prick.	I want you to leave. Then maybe...
-I want you to leave. Then maybe...	We're both gonna leave. Leave the island. I've been talkin' to Tricks. We think we can smuggle out one of those inflatable rafts. They're crated up real small. They've got air canisters. There's food inside. Even a little motor.
-We're both gonna leave. Leave the island. I've been talkin' to Tricks. We think we can smuggle out one of those inflatable rafts. They're crated up real small. They've got air canisters. There's food inside. Even a little motor.	I am not...a guerilla fighter, Toby. I'm not a pioneer. I'm not...I'm not strong that way. I need...
-I am not...a guerilla fighter, Toby. I'm not a pioneer. I'm not...I'm not strong that way. I need...	Need what? Civilised order like we have down here? Christ!
-Need what? Civilised order like we have down here? Christ!	I can work here. Maybe my work can help...help everyone. I can do more good with access to this equipment than I can off in some wasteland.
-I can work here. Maybe my work can help...help everyone. I can do more good with access to this equipment than I can off in some wasteland.	For the good of mankind. That's what every monster-maker says.
-Mary.	I'll have somebody's ass for this. I'll have your ass, soldier. I'm not gonna stand here and...
-I'll have somebody's ass for this. I'll have your ass, soldier. I'm not gonna stand here and...	MARY!
-Where are you going, Tyler?	"My...""detail"", sir. We're going to bury the heads."
-"My...""detail"", sir. We're going to bury the heads."	No time for that. I'll take care of them.
-No time for that. I'll take care of them.	Just....following procedure, sir. They're entitled to burial.
-Just....following procedure, sir. They're entitled to burial.	I said, I'll take care of them. Just leave them there. Go help with the rest of the gear.
-Step up here, Tyler.	Sir!
-You fired that shot, didn't you?	No, sir.
-No, sir.	Let me see your weapon.
-It's been fired.	In the battle, sir.
-Hey, Tricks. Some detail they got you on.	Not as bad as yours, pal.
-Not as bad as yours, pal.	What'dya get?
-What'dya get?	Rafts. Two 38s. A little ammo.
-Rafts. Two 38s. A little ammo.	We need fuel, and a couple automatics.
-Tricks...Jesus...	I'm alright. Let's go.
-No relation.  Never heard of him. Sorry.	Say Steve, where's your manners?  Here's Mutt's brother and you don't offer him a drink? Want some bourbon?
-Say Steve, where's your manners?  Here's Mutt's brother and you don't offer him a drink? Want some bourbon?	Actually I don't
-So what the hell's Mutt been up to?	Actually I don't really know Mutt.
-Actually I don't really know Mutt.	To fucking Mutt.
-Well, I'd better find Patsy.  Say hello to Mutt for me.	Will do.
-Sounds boring to me.	Don't come.
-Don't come.	You know how many demerits we're talking?
-You know how many demerits we're talking?	So don't goddam come!  Please.
-So don't goddam come!  Please.	All I'm saying is we have to be careful. We can't get caught.
-All I'm saying is we have to be careful. We can't get caught.	Well, no shit, Sherlock
-I'm in as long as we're careful.	Knox?
-Do they go to Henley Hall?	I don't think they're in school.
-I don't think they're in school.	They're townies?!
-They're townies?!	Cameron, what is the matter with you. You act like they're your mother or something.  You afraid of them?
-Cameron, what is the matter with you. You act like they're your mother or something.  You afraid of them?	Hell no, I'm not afraid of them just, if we get caught with them, we're dead.
-Charlie Dalton.	Knox Overstreet.
-Why doesn't he let you do what you want?	Yeah!  Tell him off!  It couldn't get any worse.
-How was dinner?	Terrible.  Awful!  I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life!
-"Thigh man?  Mr. ""K"" was a hell raiser."	What is the Dead Poets Society?
-I don't know.  I don't get it.	Come on.  It'll help you get Chris.
-Come on.  It'll help you get Chris.	It will?  How do you figure?
-It will?  How do you figure?	Women swoon!
-Women swoon!	But why?
-The millions are awake enough for Physical labor; but only one in a million is awake enough for effective intellectual exertion, only one in a hundred millions to a poetic or divine life.  To be awake is to be alive.	Hey, this is great.
-I feel like I've never been alive.  For years I've been risking nothing.  I have no idea what I am or what I want to do! Neil, you know you want to act.  Knox wants Chris.	Needs Chris!  Must have Chris!
-Needs Chris!  Must have Chris!	Meeks, you're the brain here.  What do the dead poets say about somebody like me?
-God, I can't take it anymore!  If I don't have Chris, I'll kill myself.	Knox, you gotta calm down.
-Knox, you gotta calm down.	No, I've been calm all my life!  If I don't do something, it's gonna kill me.
-Can you believe it?  She was gonna call me!  She invited me to a party with her!	At Chet Danburry's house.
-At Chet Danburry's house.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Well?
-Well?	So?
-So?	So you really think she means you're going with her?
-So you really think she means you're going with her?	Well hell no, Charlie, but that's not the point.  That's not the point at all!
-Well hell no, Charlie, but that's not the point.  That's not the point at all!	What is the point?
-What is the point?	The point is she was thinking about me! I've only met her once and already she's thinking about me.  Damn it, it's gonna happen!  I feel it.  She's going to be mine!
-How'd it go?  Did you read it to her?	Yep.
-What do you mean you don't know?	I'll tell you later.
-"Well, welcome to ""Hell""ton."	It's every bit as hard as they say. Unless you're a genius like Meeks.
-It's every bit as hard as they say. Unless you're a genius like Meeks.	He flatters me so I'll help him with Latin.
-He flatters me so I'll help him with Latin.	And English, and trig
-Oh come on, Cameron, don't you get anything?	How about a trig study group?  Right after dinner.
-All right.  I'll try anything once.	Except sex.
-Yaa, I'm a dead poet!	Ahh!  Eat it, Dalton!
-Ahh!  Eat it, Dalton!	This is it.
-Hey guys, why don't you show Tina the Dead Poets garden?	Garden?
-Well...	Oh come on, Pitts...
-I hereby declare this the Charles Dalton Cave for Passionate Experimentation.  In the future, anyone wishing entry must have permission from me.	Wait a minute, Charlie. This should belong to the club.
-Wait a minute, Charlie. This should belong to the club.	It should, but I found it and now I claim it.  carpe cavern, guys.  Seize the cave.
-Well, of course not.  It's just that... You could have warned us.	I thought I'd be spontaneous.  I mean, that's the point of this whole thing, isn't it?
-Oh God, it's over now!	Why? Nobody knows who we are.
-Why? Nobody knows who we are.	Don't you think they'll figure out who did it?!  Don't you know they'll come to you and demand to know what the Dead Poets Society is?   Charlie, you had no right to do something like that!
-Don't you think they'll figure out who did it?!  Don't you know they'll come to you and demand to know what the Dead Poets Society is?   Charlie, you had no right to do something like that!	It's Nuwanda, Cameron.
-Damn it, Nuwanda.  You idiot.	I couldn't stop myself.
-But what if they see it, Nuwanda?	So much the better.
-I here and now commit myself to daring!	So avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy.  A man is not very tired, he is exhausted.  Don't use very sad, use morose.  Language was invented for one reason, boys--to woo women--and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do.  It also won't do in your essays.
-Mr. Keating!	I don't know what misguided impulse caused you to pull that ridiculous stunt, Mr. Dalton, but, whatever it was, I hope you've learned your lesson.
-I don't know what misguided impulse caused you to pull that ridiculous stunt, Mr. Dalton, but, whatever it was, I hope you've learned your lesson.	You're siding with Mr. Nolan?!  What about carpe diem and sucking all the marrow out of life and all that?
-You're siding with Mr. Nolan?!  What about carpe diem and sucking all the marrow out of life and all that?	Sucking out the marrow doesn't mean getting the bone stuck in your throat, Charles.  You still have responsibilities to yourself and those who care about you.
-Sucking out the marrow doesn't mean getting the bone stuck in your throat, Charles.  You still have responsibilities to yourself and those who care about you.	But I thought-
-Yeah?  Like what?	Like, if nothing else, the opportunity to attend my classes, understand?
-Like, if nothing else, the opportunity to attend my classes, understand?	Yes sir.
-Yes sir.	So keep your head about you--the lot of you--understood?
-Anything else you'd care to rifle through, Mr. Dalton?	I'm sorry.  I, we
-It's such a strange name!  Won't you tell us what it means?	I told you, that's a secret.
-I told you, that's a secret.	Isn't he precious?
-Yeah!    Don't you guys miss having girls here?	Miss it?  It drives us crazy.  That's part of what this club is about.  In fact, I'd like to announce that I've published an article in the school paper, in the name of the Dead Poets society, demanding girls be admitted to Welton, so we can all stop beating off.
-That's right, it's Nuwanda.	And are we just playing around out here or do we mean what we say?  If all we do is come and read a bunch of poems to each other, what the hell are we doing?
-I think he's sweet.	I think you're sweet.
-You know what really excites me about you?	What?
-What?	Every guy that I meet wants me for one thing my body.  You're not like that.
-Every guy that I meet wants me for one thing my body.  You're not like that.	I'm not?
-I'm not?	No!  Anybody else would have jumped my bones by now but you're after my soul. Make me up some more poetry.
-No!  Anybody else would have jumped my bones by now but you're after my soul. Make me up some more poetry.	But...
-But...	Please!    It's so wonderful to be appreciated for my mind!
-Nuwanda?  Please?	"All right!  I'm thinking!  ""Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments; love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds Or bends with the remover to remove."""
-Don't stop.	"""O, no, it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."""
-"""O, no, it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."""	This is better than sex any day.  This is romance!
-Welcome. back, Mr. Dalton.  How's your father?	Doing fine, sir.
-Doing fine, sir.	Your family move into that new house, Mr. Overstreet?
-Yes sir.  We were just talking about that.	Good.  We're very excited about him.  He was a Rhodes Scholar, you know.
-Welton Academy, hello?  Yes, he is, just a moment.  Mr. Nolan, it's for you.	what?!
-Who else was involved in this?	No one, sir.  It was just me.  I did the proofing so I inserted my article in place of Rob Crane's.
-No one, sir.  It was just me.  I did the proofing so I inserted my article in place of Rob Crane's.	Mr. Dalton, if you think you're the first to try to get thrown out of this school, think again.  Others have had similar actions and they have failed just as surely as you will fail.  Bend over and grab your shins.
-Do you still insist that this was your idea and your idea alone?	Yes... sir.
-Yes... sir.	"What is this ""Dead Potts Society""?  I want names."
-"What is this ""Dead Potts Society""?  I want names."	It's only me, Mr. Nolan.  I swear. I made it up.
-It's only me, Mr. Nolan.  I swear. I made it up.	If I find that there are others, Mr. Dalton, they will be expelled and you will remain enrolled.  Stand up.
-Hey, I heard you went to summer school?	Yeah, chemistry.  My father thought I should get ahead.
-Yeah, chemistry.  My father thought I should get ahead.	Well, Meeks aced Latin and I didn't quite flunk English so if you want, we've got our study group.
-Well, Meeks aced Latin and I didn't quite flunk English so if you want, we've got our study group.	Sure, but Cameron asked me too.  Anybody mind including him?
-Sure, but Cameron asked me too.  Anybody mind including him?	What's his specialty, brown-nosing?
-Hey, he's your roommate.	That's not my fault.
-Todd's brother is Jeffrey Anderson.	Oh yeah.  Sure.  Valedictorian, National Merit Scholar
-Okay, so I don't like it any more than you do.  I'm just saying	Then don't tell me how to talk to my father when you're the same way.  All right?!
-I don't know about anyone else, but I could use a refresher in Latin.  Eight o'clock in my room?	Sure.
-Sure.	You're welcome to join us, Todd.
-Who's in?	I'm in.
-"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately.""  I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life!"""	All right.  I'll second that.
-All right.  I'll second that.	To put the rout all that was not life.  And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.  Pledge Overstreet.
-Charlie, That was great!  Where did you learn to play like that?	My parents made me take clarinet but I hated it.  The sax is more sonorous.
-Charlie...	It's Nuwanda.
-It's Nuwanda.	Nuwanda, what is going on?
-Nuwanda, what is going on?	Nothing, unless you object to having girls here.
-Where'd you find them?	They were walking along the fence past the soccer field.  Said they were curious about the school so I invited them to the meeting.
-You what?!  How did you do that?	I'm one of the proofers.  I slipped the article in.
-You still shouldn't have done it, Charlie.  You don't speak for the club.	Hey, would you not worry about your precious little necks?  If they catch me, I'll tell them I made it up.  All your asses are safe.  Look, Gloria and Tina didn't come here to listen to us argue. Are we gonna have a meeting or what?
-What happened? Were you kicked out?	No.
-No.	What happened?
-What happened?	I'm supposed to turn everybody in, apologize to the school and all will be forgiven.
-What are you going to do? - Charlie?	Damn it, Neil, the name is Nuwanda.
-Why don't you talk to Mr. Keating about it?	What good will that do?
-What good will that do?	Maybe he'll have some advice.  Maybe he'll even talk to your father.
-Maybe he'll have some advice.  Maybe he'll even talk to your father.	Are you kidding?  Don't be ridiculous.
-This is stupid.	It's better than doing nothing.
-It's all right, Chet.	It's not all right.  Come on, Dad
-Chris.  We got it.  Let's go.	Nice meeting you, Knox.  Bye, Gin.
-Oh Chet, that feels fabulous,	It does?  What?
-It does?  What?	You know,
-Don't stop.	Stop what?
-Stop what?	Chet...
-What are you doing?!	Knox?!
-You fucked up little prick!	Chet, you don't have to hurt him.
-Pleased to meet you.	The pleasure is mine.
-So, uh, where are you in school?	Ridgeway High.  How's Henley Hall, Gin?
-That's your sister school, right?	Sort of.
-Sort of.	"You going out for the Henley Hall play?  They're doing ""A Midsummer Night's Dream."""
-Hello?	Hello Chris, this is Knox Overstress.
-Hello Chris, this is Knox Overstress.	Knox.  Oh yes, Knox.  I'm glad you called.
-Knox.  Oh yes, Knox.  I'm glad you called.	You are?  She's glad I called!
-Well, sure!	Chet's parents don't know about it, so please keep it quiet.  But you can bring someone if you like.
-Chet's parents don't know about it, so please keep it quiet.  But you can bring someone if you like.	I'll be there.  The Danburrys.  Friday night.  Thank you, Chris.
-Oh, hi.  I'm glad you made it.  Did you bring anybody?	No.
-No.	Ginny Danburry's here.  Look for her.
-Ginny Danburry's here.  Look for her.	But, Chris...
-But, Chris...	I gotta find Chet.  Make yourself at home.
-carpe breastum.  Seize the breast.	Huh?
-Chris!	Knox!  what are you doing here?
-If Chet sees you, he'll kill you, don't you know that?	I don't care.  I love you, Chris.  You deserve better than Chet and I'm it. Please accept these.
-I don't care.  I love you, Chris.  You deserve better than Chet and I'm it. Please accept these.	Knox, you're crazy.
-Knox, I don't believe this!	"All I'm asking you to do is listen.  ""The heavens made a girl named Chris, With hair and skin of gold To touch her would be paradise To kiss her glory untold."""
-Chris!	Knox, why are you doing this to me?
-Knox, why are you doing this to me?	You can't be in here.
-If they catch you here, we'll both be in big trouble.	Oh, but it's fine for you to come barging into my school and make a complete fool out of me?
-Oh, but it's fine for you to come barging into my school and make a complete fool out of me?	I didn't mean to make a fool of you.
-I didn't mean to make a fool of you.	Well, you did!  Chet found out and he's nuts.  It took everything I could do to keep him from coming here and killing you. You have to stop this stuff, Knox.
-Well, you did!  Chet found out and he's nuts.  It took everything I could do to keep him from coming here and killing you. You have to stop this stuff, Knox.	But I love you.
-But I love you.	You say that over and over but you don't even know me!
-Of course I know you!  From the first time I saw you, I knew you had a wonderful soul.	Just like that?!  You just knew?
-Just like that?!  You just knew?	Of course just like that.  That's how you always know when it's right.
-Of course just like that.  That's how you always know when it's right.	And if it so happens that you're wrong? If it just so happens that I could care less About you?
-And if it so happens that you're wrong? If it just so happens that I could care less About you?	Then you wouldn't be here warning me about Chet.
-Look, I've got to go.  I'm gonna be late for the play.	Are you going with Chet?
-Are you going with Chet?	Chet?  To a play? Are you kidding?
-Chet?  To a play? Are you kidding?	Then come with me.
-Then come with me.	Knox, you are so infuriating!
-Knox, you are so infuriating!	Just give me one chance.  If you don't like me after tonight, I'll stay away forever.
-Just give me one chance.  If you don't like me after tonight, I'll stay away forever.	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	I promise.  Dead Poets honor.  Come with me tonight, then if you don't want to see me again, I swear I'll bow out.
-I promise.  Dead Poets honor.  Come with me tonight, then if you don't want to see me again, I swear I'll bow out.	God, if Chet found out he'd...
-God, if Chet found out he'd...	Chet won't know anything.  We'll sit in back and sneak away as soon as it's over.
-Chet won't know anything.  We'll sit in back and sneak away as soon as it's over.	Knox, if you promise that this will be the end of it-
-Knox, if you promise that this will be the end of it-	Dead Poets honor.
-Dead Poets honor.	What is that?
-What is that?	My Word
-I have to go home. Chet might call.	It's just for a little while. You promised.
-We thought it would be good to break old habits, sir.	What is wrong with old habits, Mr. Overstreet?
-What is wrong with old habits, Mr. Overstreet?	They perpetuate mechanical living, sir. They limit your mind.
-They perpetuate mechanical living, sir. They limit your mind.	Mr. Overstreet, I suggest you worry less about breaking old habits and more about developing good study habits.  Do you understand?
-Mr. Overstreet, I suggest you worry less about breaking old habits and more about developing good study habits.  Do you understand?	Yes sir.
-Yes sir.	That goes for all of you.  Now eat with your correct hands.
-"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.  The Latin term for that sentiment is ""Carpe Diem."" Anyone know what that means?"	Carpe Diem... seize the day.
-Carpe Diem... seize the day.	Very good, Mr._?
-Very good, Mr._?	Meeks.
-Meeks.	Seize the day while you're young, see that you make use of your time.  Why does the poet write these lines?
-The hoi polloi.  Doesn't it mean the herd?	"Precisely, Meeks. Greek for the herd. However, be warned that, when you say ""the hoi polloi"" you are actually saying the the herd.  Indicating that you too are ""hoi polloi."""
-And don't limit poetry to the word. Poetry can be found in a work of art, music, a photograph, in the way a meal is prepared--anything with the stuff of revelation in it.  It can exist in the most everyday things but it must never, never be ordinary  By all means, write about the sky or a girl's smile but when you do, let your poetry conjure up salvation day, doomsday, any day, I don't care, as long as it enlightens us, thrills us and--if it's inspired--makes us feel a bit immortal.	Oh, Captain, My Captain. Is there poetry in math?
-Oh Captain, My Captain.  What if we don't know anything about someone like Rahesh Non?	Rahesh Non never existed, Mr. Meeks. You make him or someone like him up.  No self important college professor such as this one would dare admit ignorance of such an obviously important figure and you will probably receive a comment similar to the one I received:
-We used to meet here on special occasions. Who would like to convene the meeting?	"""We went to the woods because we wanted to suck all the marrow out of life."" Anybody want to read?"
-This was my first classroom, John, did you know that?  My first desk.	I didn't know you taught.
-I didn't know you taught.	English.  Way before your time.  It was hard giving it up, I'll tell you.  I'm hearing rumors, John, of some unusual teaching methods in your classroom.  I'm not saying they have anything to do with the Dalton boy's outburst, but I don't think I have to warn you that boys his age are very impressionable.
-English.  Way before your time.  It was hard giving it up, I'll tell you.  I'm hearing rumors, John, of some unusual teaching methods in your classroom.  I'm not saying they have anything to do with the Dalton boy's outburst, but I don't think I have to warn you that boys his age are very impressionable.	Your reprimand made quite an impression I'm sure.
-Your reprimand made quite an impression I'm sure.	What was going on in the courtyard the other day?
-What was going on in the courtyard the other day?	Courtyard?
-Courtyard?	Boys marching.  Clapping in unison.
-Boys marching.  Clapping in unison.	Oh that. That was an exercise to prove a point.  About the evils of conformity.
-Oh that. That was an exercise to prove a point.  About the evils of conformity.	John, the curriculum here is set.  It's proven.  It works.  If you question it, what's to prevent them from doing the same?
-John, the curriculum here is set.  It's proven.  It works.  If you question it, what's to prevent them from doing the same?	I always thought education was learning to think for yourself.
-I always thought education was learning to think for yourself.	At these boys' age? Not on your life! Tradition, John.  Discipline.  Prepare them for college, and the rest will take care of itself.
-A yawp?	A barbaric yawp.
-Good god, boy! Yell!	Yawp!
-Yawp!	Again!  Louder!
-Again!  Louder!	YAWP!
-YAWP!	LOUDER!
-LOUDER!	AHHHHHH!
-AHHHHHH!	All right!  Very good!  There's a barbarian in there after all!
-Todd, there's a picture of Whitman over the door.  What does he remind you Of? Quickly, Anderson, don't think about it.	A madman.
-A madman.	A madman.  Perhaps he was.  What kind of madman?  Don't think!  Answer.
-A madman.  Perhaps he was.  What kind of madman?  Don't think!  Answer.	A crazy madman.
-A crazy madman.	Use your imagination!  First thing that pops to your mind, even if it's gibberish!
-Use your imagination!  First thing that pops to your mind, even if it's gibberish!	A... A  sweaty-toothed madman.
-A... A  sweaty-toothed madman.	Now there's the poet speaking!  Close your eyes and think of the picture. Describe what you see.  NOW!
-Now there's the poet speaking!  Close your eyes and think of the picture. Describe what you see.  NOW!	I... I close my eyes.  His image floats beside me.
-I... I close my eyes.  His image floats beside me.	A sweaty-toothed madman
-A sweaty-toothed madman	A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain.
-A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain.	Excellent!  Have him act.  Give it rhythm!
-Excellent!  Have him act.  Give it rhythm!	His hands reach out and choke me All the time he mumbles slowly.  Truth... Truth is like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
-Stretch it, pull it, it will never cover any of us.  Kick at it, beat at it, it will never be enough-	Don't stop!
-Don't stop!	From the moment we enter crying to the moment we leave dying,  It will cover just your head as you wail and cry and scream!
-Come on boys, don't be shy.	I have something.
-Mr. Keating? Sir? Oh Captain My Captain.  What was the Dead Poets Society?	Ah, so you boy's have been snooping.
-Ah, so you boy's have been snooping.	I was just looking in an old annual and...
-I was just looking in an old annual and...	Nothing wrong with research.
-What did the name mean.  Did you only read dead poets.	All poetry was acceptable.  The name simply referred to the fact, that to join the organization, you had to be dead.
-Oh Captain, My Captain, we came here so I could talk to you about something.	Okay.
-Okay.	Actually, I'd like to talk to you alone.
-Gosh, they don't give you much room around here, do they?	Maybe they don't want worldly things distracting me from my teaching.
-Maybe they don't want worldly things distracting me from my teaching.	Why do you do it?  I mean, with all this seize-the-day business, I'd have thought you'd be out seeing the world or something?
-Why do you do it?  I mean, with all this seize-the-day business, I'd have thought you'd be out seeing the world or something?	Ah, but I am seeing the world, Neil. The new world.  Seeing a student like you take root and bloom.  It's worth everything.  That's why I came back here. A place like this needs at least one teacher like me.  Did you come here to talk about my teaching?
-Ah, but I am seeing the world, Neil. The new world.  Seeing a student like you take root and bloom.  It's worth everything.  That's why I came back here. A place like this needs at least one teacher like me.  Did you come here to talk about my teaching?	Mr. Keating, my father is making me quit the play at Henley Hall.  When I think about carpe diem and all that, I feel like I'm in prison!  I mean, I can see his point.  We're not a rich family like Charlie's.  But he's planned the rest of my life for me and he's never even asked me what I want!
-Mr. Keating, my father is making me quit the play at Henley Hall.  When I think about carpe diem and all that, I feel like I'm in prison!  I mean, I can see his point.  We're not a rich family like Charlie's.  But he's planned the rest of my life for me and he's never even asked me what I want!	You can't live a life for someone else, Neil.  You can only live for yourself. Have you told your father what you just told me?  Have you shown him your passion about acting?
-You can't live a life for someone else, Neil.  You can only live for yourself. Have you told your father what you just told me?  Have you shown him your passion about acting?	Are you kidding?  He'd kill me!
-Are you kidding?  He'd kill me!	Then you're playing a part for him too, aren't you?  A dangerously self- destructive one.
-Neil, I know this seems impossible but you have to go to your father and show him what you're feeling.  You have to let him see who you are-  It's your only chance.	"I know what he'll say.  He'll say that acting is just a whim and that it's frivolous and that I should forget about it.  He'll tell me how they're counting on me and to put it out of my mind ""for my own good."""
-"I know what he'll say.  He'll say that acting is just a whim and that it's frivolous and that I should forget about it.  He'll tell me how they're counting on me and to put it out of my mind ""for my own good."""	Well, if it's more than a whim, then you'll have to prove that to him.  You'll have to show him with your passion and commitment that it's what you really want to do.  If that doesn't work, at least by then you'll be eighteen and able to do what you want.
-Well, if it's more than a whim, then you'll have to prove that to him.  You'll have to show him with your passion and commitment that it's what you really want to do.  If that doesn't work, at least by then you'll be eighteen and able to do what you want.	Eighteen!  That's two years!  What about the play?  The performance is tomorrow night!
-Eighteen!  That's two years!  What about the play?  The performance is tomorrow night!	Give your father the benefit of the doubt.  Talk to him.  Let him see who you are.
-Give your father the benefit of the doubt.  Talk to him.  Let him see who you are.	Isn't there an easier way?
-Isn't there an easier way?	Not if you're going to stay true to yourself.
-What did your father say? Did you talk to him?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Really?  You told your father what you told me?  You let him see your passion for acting?
-Really?  You told your father what you told me?  You let him see your passion for acting?	Yeah.  He didn't like it one bit but at least he's letting me stay in the play. Of course, he won't be able to come. He'll be in Chicago on business.  But I think he's gonna let me stay with acting.  As long as I keep my grades up.
-Too bad.	It's not too bad.  It's a tragedy! Why does she have to be in love with a jerk?!
-It's not too bad.  It's a tragedy! Why does she have to be in love with a jerk?!	All the good ones go for jerks, you know that.  Forget her.  Take out your trig book and figure out problem twelve.
-All the good ones go for jerks, you know that.  Forget her.  Take out your trig book and figure out problem twelve.	I can't just forget her, Pitts.  And I certainly can't think about math!
-You really think I should forget her?	You have another choice.
-Damn.  Damn!  If I could just get Chris to read this poem!	Why don't you read it to her? It worked for Nuwanda.
-Why don't you read it to her? It worked for Nuwanda.	She won't even see me, Pitts.
-She won't even see me, Pitts.	Nuwanda recited poetry to Gloria and she jumped all over him... right, Nuwanda?
-All right!  What'd she say?	I don't know.
-Wait a minute.  I don't let my parents walk on me.	Yeah, you just do everything they say! You'll be in daddy's law firm as sure as I'm standing here.  And you'll be approving loans till you croak.
-All right.  Jesus, what are you gonna do?	What I have to do.  Screw the annual.
-They're friends of my dad.  Probably in their nineties or something.	Listen, anything's, better than mystery meat.
-Are you crazy? What's wrong with that?	She's practically engaged to Chet Danburry.  Mr. Mondo Jocko himself.
-You know what the dead poets would say: Gather ye rosebuds while ye may...	But she's in love with: the moron son of my father's best friend.  What would the dead poets say about that?
-Where are you going?	I'm calling her!
-I certainly wouldn't lose any sleep over it.  It's just a bunch of people trying to impress Nolan.	Screw it all.  I don't give a damn about any of it.
-Any group pictures in the annual?	Nothing.  No mention of it.
-His grades are hurting, Charlie.	Then you can help him.
-If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost.  That is where they should be.  Now put foundations under them.	God, I want to do everything!  I'm going to explode.
-I gotta get to the tryouts.  Wish me luck.	Good luck.
-But father, I'm assistant editor.	I'm sorry, Neil.
-I'm sorry, Neil.	But father, it's not fair.
-But father, it's not fair.	Fellows, would you excuse us a minute?
-I will not be disputed in public, do you understand me?	Father, I wasn't disputing you.
-Father, I wasn't disputing you.	When you've finished medical school and you're on your own, you can do as you please.  Until then, you will listen to me.
-When you've finished medical school and you're on your own, you can do as you please.  Until then, you will listen to me.	Yes sir.  I'm sorry.
-Yes sir.  I'm sorry.	You know what this means to your mother, don't you?
-You know what this means to your mother, don't you?	Yes sir.
-You know me, always taking on too much.	Good boy.  Call us if you need anything.
-Father!	Neil, you are going to quit this ridiculous play immediately.
-Neil, you are going to quit this ridiculous play immediately.	Father, I--
-Don't you dare talk back to me!  It's bad enough that you've wasted your time with this absurd acting business.  But you deliberately deceived me!  Who put this in your head? How did you expect to get away with it? Answer me!	Nobody-  I thought I'd surprise you. I've got all As and-
-Nobody-  I thought I'd surprise you. I've got all As and-	"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?!  ""My niece is in a play with your son,"" Mrs. Marks says.  ""You must be mistaken,"" I say.  ""My son isn't in a play.""  You made a liar out of me, Neil! Now you will go tomorrow and tell them you are quitting."
-"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?!  ""My niece is in a play with your son,"" Mrs. Marks says.  ""You must be mistaken,"" I say.  ""My son isn't in a play.""  You made a liar out of me, Neil! Now you will go tomorrow and tell them you are quitting."	Father, I have the main part.  The performance is tomorrow night.  Father, please.
-Father, I have the main part.  The performance is tomorrow night.  Father, please.	I don't care if the world is coming to an end tomorrow night, you are through with that play!  Is that clear?  Is that clear!
-I don't care if the world is coming to an end tomorrow night, you are through with that play!  Is that clear?  Is that clear!	Yes sir.
-Weird.	But different.
-I say we go tonight.  Everybody in?	Where is this cave he's talking about?
-Where is this cave he's talking about?	Beyond the stream.  I think I know.
-Beyond the stream.  I think I know.	That's miles.
-What is this, a midnight study group?	Forget it, Pitts, you're coming.  Meeks, your grades hurting too?
-Look at this.	What is it?
-What is it?	The god of the cave.
-I hear we're going to be roommates. Neil Perry.	Todd Anderson.
-Why'd you leave Balincrest?	My brother went here.
-My brother went here.	Oh, so you're that Anderson.
-My parents wanted me here all along but my grades weren't good enough.  I had to go to Balincrest to pull them up.	Well, you've won the booby prize.  Don't expect to like it here.
-Well, you've won the booby prize.  Don't expect to like it here.	I don't.
-So what do you think of my father?	I'll take him over mine.
-I'll take him over mine.	What?
-What?	Nothing.
-Nothing.	Todd, if you're gonna make it around here, you've gotta speak up.  The meek might inherit the earth but they don't get into Harvard. know what I mean?
-Want to come to the study group?	Thanks but  I'd better do history.
-What is it then?	I... I just don't want to come.
-I... I just don't want to come.	But why?  Don't you understand what Keating is saying?  Don't you want to do something about it?
-But why?  Don't you understand what Keating is saying?  Don't you want to do something about it?	Yes.  But
-Yes.  But	Put what?  Goddamn it, tell me.
-Put what?  Goddamn it, tell me.	I don't want to read.
-I don't want to read.	What?
-What?	Keating said everybody took turns reading.  I don't want to do it.
-Keating said everybody took turns reading.  I don't want to do it.	God, you really have a problem, don't you?  How can it hurt you to read?  I mean isn't that what this is all about? Expressing yourself?
-I've found it.	Found what?
-Found what?	What I want to do!  Right now. What is really inside of me.
-A Midsummer Night's Dream. What is it?	A play, dummy.
-A play, dummy.	I know that.  What's it got to do with you?
-I know that.  What's it got to do with you?	They're putting it on at Henley Hall. See, open try-outs.
-They're putting it on at Henley Hall. See, open try-outs.	So?
-So?	So I'm gonna act!  Ever since I can remember I've wanted to try it.  Last summer I even tried to go to summer stock auditions but of course my father wouldn't let me.
-So I'm gonna act!  Ever since I can remember I've wanted to try it.  Last summer I even tried to go to summer stock auditions but of course my father wouldn't let me.	And now he will?
-And now he will?	Hell no, but that's not the point.  The point is for the first time in my whole goddamned life, I know what I want, and for the first time I'm gonna do it whether my father wants me to or not! Carpe diem, goddamn it!
-Neil, how are you gonna be in a play if your father won't let you?	First I gotta get the part, then I'll worry about that.
-First I gotta get the part, then I'll worry about that.	Won't he kill you if you don't let him know you're auditioning?
-Won't he kill you if you don't let him know you're auditioning?	As far as I'm concerned, he won't have to know about any of it.
-As far as I'm concerned, he won't have to know about any of it.	Come on, that's impossible.
-Come on, that's impossible.	Horseshit.  Nothing's impossible.
-Horseshit.  Nothing's impossible.	Why don't you ask him first?  Maybe he'll say yes.
-Why don't you ask him first?  Maybe he'll say yes.	That's a laugh.  If I don't ask, at least I won't be disobeying him.
-That's a laugh.  If I don't ask, at least I won't be disobeying him.	But if he said no before then...
-But if he said no before then...	Jesus Christ, whose side are you on?  I haven't even gotten the part yet.  Can't I enjoy the idea even for a little while?
-By the way, there's a meeting this afternoon.  You coming?	I guess.
-None of what Mr. Keating has to say means shit to you, does it?	What is that supposed to mean?
-What is that supposed to mean?	Being in the club means being stirred up by things.  You look about as stirred up as a cesspool.
-Being in the club means being stirred up by things.  You look about as stirred up as a cesspool.	You want me out...  is that what you're saying?
-You want me out...  is that what you're saying?	No, I want you in.  But being in means you gotta do something.  Not just say you're in.
-No, I want you in.  But being in means you gotta do something.  Not just say you're in.	Listen Neil, I appreciate your interest in me but I'm not like you.  When you say things, people pay attention.  People follow you.  I'm not like that.
-Listen Neil, I appreciate your interest in me but I'm not like you.  When you say things, people pay attention.  People follow you.  I'm not like that.	Why not?  Don't you think you could be?
-Why not?  Don't you think you could be?	No!  I don't know,  I'll probably never know.  The point is, there's nothing you can do about it so butt out, all right? I can take care of myself just fine.  All right?
-No!  I don't know,  I'll probably never know.  The point is, there's nothing you can do about it so butt out, all right? I can take care of myself just fine.  All right?	Er  No.
-Er  No.	No?  What do you mean 'no'?
-No?  What do you mean 'no'?	No.
-Neil, how are you gonna do this?	Sssh.  That's what I'm taking care of. They need a letter of permission.
-Sssh.  That's what I'm taking care of. They need a letter of permission.	From you?
-From you?	From my father and Nolan.
-From my father and Nolan.	Neil, you're not gonna...
-Neil, you're not gonna...	Quiet.  I have to think.
-Todd, what's the matter?	It's my birthday.
-It's my birthday.	It is?  Happy Birthday.  You get anything?
-This is your desk set.  I don't get it.	They gave me the exact same thing as last year!
-They gave me the exact same thing as last year!	Oh..
-Oh..	Oh.
-Well, maybe they thought you'd need another one.  Maybe they thought...	Maybe they don't think at all unless it's about my brother!  His birthday's always a big to-do.  The stupid thing is, I didn't even like the first one.
-Look, Todd, you're obviously under- estimating the value of this desk set.	what?
-what?	I mean, this is one special gift!  Who would want a football or a baseball bat or a car when they could get a desk set as wonderful as this one!
-I mean, this is one special gift!  Who would want a football or a baseball bat or a car when they could get a desk set as wonderful as this one!	Yeah!  And just look at this ruler!
-Here, villain, draw and ready. where art thou?	I will be with thee straight.
-I will be with thee straight.	Follow me then to plainer ground.  God, I love this!
-Follow me then to plainer ground.  God, I love this!	This play?
-This play?	Yes, and acting!  It's got to be one of the most wonderful things in the world. Most people, if they're lucky, live about half an exciting life! If I could get the parts, I could live dozens of lives.
-You should come to rehearsals.  I know they need people to work the lights and stuff.	No thanks.
-No thanks.	Lots of girls.  The girl who plays Hermia is incredible.
-Lots of girls.  The girl who plays Hermia is incredible.	I'll come to the performance.
-I'll come to the performance.	Chicken shit.  Where were we?
-Chicken shit.  Where were we?	Yea, art thou there?
-Yea, art thou there?	Put more into it!
-Put more into it!	YEA, ART THOU THERE?!
-YEA, ART THOU THERE?!	"That's it!  ""Follow my voice.  We'll try no manhood here.""  See you at dinner."
-Visit from my father.	Do you have to quit the play?
-Do you have to quit the play?	I don't know.
-You the Captain?	Yes.
-Yes.	How do we get out of here?
-How do we get out of here?	We have to make it to the third deck...
-Who are you?	He's the owner...
-He's the owner...	Why don't you want a message sent?
-It's not going to help us!	We're going to die here! We're going to die!
-They are...they are everywhere.	All right, be cool, everybody, nice and slow, no sudden moves.
-Who?	Someone...maybe they sent an SOS!
-We don't even know if his boat is still there...you saw Billy!	Boat or no boat...I'm going...
-Nobody's shooting nobody...come on, just let us through the hatch!	I'll kill you!! I'll fucking kill you!! I'll do it! I'll do it! I'm not playin' around here!
-I once saw a guy put a fish in a bottle, then he corked it, sealing it tight, and threw it to a baby octopus. The little sucker felt its way around that bottle, and in less than two minutes, got that cork off, slid inside, and ate that fish.	What the hell are you talking about?
-What the hell are you talking about?	Us...I'm talking about us... We're the fish.
-And what? These things are octopusses?	I don't know what these things are ...all I know is...
-You remember the first time we met Finnegan? I think you were just starting out...smuggling gold off Sumatra for those two Chinese...what did we use to call them?	Fok Yu and Fok Yu Two...are we strolling down memory lane for any particular reason?
-Fok Yu and Fok Yu Two...are we strolling down memory lane for any particular reason?	No, it just struck me as odd...I don't see you for all these years and you've still got the same tape stuck in the box.
-No, it just struck me as odd...I don't see you for all these years and you've still got the same tape stuck in the box.	You know what they say...the classics are eternal.
-Right here...middle of nowhere...	And where is our point of arrival?
-Right here...middle of nowhere...and the answer to your question is yes.	Which question is that?
-Which question is that?	The one you came up to ask...are we on schedule?
-The one you came up to ask...are we on schedule?	Take note Mr. Mason...this is why you hire a professional...No whining. No excuses.
-Don't mind him Finnegan...you remember 25...balls of steel... splashing around in a sea of testosterone.	I don't mind him...but I do think it's time for him to get back down below with the rest of the playgroup.
-This isn't right Finnegan. I've got a contract.	20 hours on the clock. Out and back. Double for overtime.
-20 hours on the clock. Out and back. Double for overtime.	And no questions asked.
-And no questions asked.	Who asked any?
-Who asked any?	He did...with a crowbar...you know the rules on a broken contract.
-He did...with a crowbar...you know the rules on a broken contract.	I know it...but you want to get where you want to get, and back? I need a chief engineer, and unless you got a replacement, I'd highly recommend overlooking the indescretion.
-Speedboat in the middle of the ocean...	How soon can we get up and running?
-How soon can we get up and running?	We can't...we got one engine dead, and the other limping badly.
-We can't...we got one engine dead, and the other limping badly.	I have a schedule...
-We were talking about my schedule...	You're going to have to get a new one.
-You're going to have to get a new one.	Not an option.
-Not an option.	Then you better start swimming.
-Great woman your mother. Real foresight.	And she could do a hell of a barbie to boot! Belt up. You'll find all the parts you need up there.
-I assume somebody up there has made sure no distress signal can be sent.	I'd say that's a pretty good assumption.
-Where are my men?	Dead.
-Hanover, listen...	Shut up!
-Now, where's Mulligan? Where's Vivo?	I told you...
-Shut up! Shut up all of you! Now here's what we're doing... Mamooli is going to take you back to fix your engines, Chin and I are staying here to finish the job...	Did you clear this?
-Did you clear this?	With who?
-Who gives a shit about aft?	That's where my boat's moored.
-That's where my boat's moored.	You trying to take over my show Finnegan, that what you trying to do?
-You trying to take over my show Finnegan, that what you trying to do?	Just trying to get to my boat...
-Maybe we lost them.	Or maybe we're exactly where they want us to be.
-I'm not staying here!	It ain't any better out there!
-Now look what you did!	I saved your life is what I did!
-I saved your life is what I did!	Who asked you to!
-What other bunch?	The thieves.
-The thieves.	I'm not a thief.
-I'm not a thief.	Then who are you?
-Then who are you?	I'm their ride.
-Unless you collected on the insurance...	What are you people talking about?
-What are you people talking about?	He's with them.
-I was born in a City housing project in the Bronx OK? It's not in the cards that I die on a luxury cruise ship...now which way up?	You hear that?
-Noooo!	Jesus Christ lady...
-Jesus Christ lady...	What are those things?
-What are those things?	I don't know...
-Hey! Hey! Where are you going?	...there's got to be a way to access out back there...
-But what makes you think there aren't more of those...things...back there?	Nothing...you want to come, come... you don't...
-You don't have to be so touchy.	Look lady, I know you people are used to getting your way...
-Look lady, I know you people are used to getting your way...	What's that supposed to mean? You people.
-What's that supposed to mean? You people.	You people...rich people...
-You people...rich people...	I'm not rich people.
-I'm not rich people.	Well, you sure do a good imitation.
-Well, you sure do a good imitation.	Thank you, I work at it...
-So this boat of yours...that's what you do? Give people...rides.	That's what I do.
-That's what I do.	Seen a lot of islands?
-Seen a lot of islands?	Quite a few.
-Quite a few.	Since I'm a kid, I had this dream... I want to own my own tropical island... Beaches, warm ocean, lots of food, little clothes...population of one...
-Since I'm a kid, I had this dream... I want to own my own tropical island... Beaches, warm ocean, lots of food, little clothes...population of one...	Anti social?
-Anti social?	Self sufficient...
-Self sufficient...	With the emphasis on SELF, and in selfish, right?
-With the emphasis on SELF, and in selfish, right?	Takes one to know one.
-I don't know where it is!	On the side!!
-Got it?	Hey! I didn't have to come back.
-Hey! I didn't have to come back.	Yeah you did...
-Yeah you did...	Right... You have a boat.
-Right... You have a boat.	Boat or no boat... You woulda come back anyway. You're that kind of gal.
-Boat or no boat... You woulda come back anyway. You're that kind of gal.	Oh yeah? What kind is that?
-Oh yeah? What kind is that?	"The ""come back"" kind."
-"The ""come back"" kind."	How do you know that?
-How do you know that?	Takes one to know one.
-Like cattle...	You're saying they can think?
-You're saying they can think?	I'm saying they're calling the shots...
-What's the matter?	The quiet...
-What is it?	A meat locker.
-A meat locker.	We can't just leave them here.
-Looking good...	You should talk...
-So how do you get from the Bronx to the South China sea?	You quit high school, lie about your age, join the navy, and next thing you know, four years are up and you need a way to make a living...
-I was so goddamn close, Finnegan! So goddamn close to my island... I could almost taste the sand...	Keep tasting...
-It's not them...it's it...	What?
-What?	You know what kind of force it took to rip open the bow of this ship? A million little things like this...
-Oh my god! Oh my god! How do we do it? How do we get there?	Not like him.
-Finnegan...	Yeah...
-Yeah...	...the minute you start your engines ...it's goint to kill us, isn't it?
-There's not much horsepower left in the engines, but there's enough noise...once this baby's set...I'll rev it up...that slimy bastard will come for it like candy...	If you blow up your boat, how are we going to get to the island?
-If you blow up your boat, how are we going to get to the island?	Jet ski...there's one left up there.
-How about noise? Can you get noise? We don't need speed, just noise, right?	Right...
-You want ME to go up there?	Not unless you can wire a missle or fix an engine.
-Not unless you can wire a missle or fix an engine.	And what if I run into one of those things?
-I don't mean to drop in unannounced ...you ready...	Soon as I get over the heart attack...
-Three minutes...I'm not back...no matter what...you go...	No...
-No...	You don't take orders very well, do you?
-You don't take orders very well, do you?	I don't take orders at all.
-I don't take orders at all.	This time, make an exception.
-Where's you friend?	He's not coming...
-Let's just keep going.	You ain't giving the orders here!
-The hulls of these things are supposed to be impregnable...	So?
-So?	So...If the hull's impregnable why are my feet wet?
-So...If the hull's impregnable why are my feet wet?	Why don't you just stop figuring and keep working so we can get the hell out of here?
-Hanover!! Hanover!!	Forget them...
-Shut up! You hear me!!	...we gotta get outta here -- NOW.
-...we gotta get outta here -- NOW.	Shut up, man, just shut the hell up! I gotta think! I gotta think!!
-Can we use our indoor voice please...	I'm flying blind here God damn it!
-If I told you once...I told you a thousand times...	I know...I know...if the cash is there we don't care...  Finnegan this is as mean a pile of shit as we ever carried...
-Here's what I think...I think these mokes below are a hit sqaud.	I saw these guy perform...at Altmont ...you know that? They opened for the Stones...
-...Jagger was here...I was here...	You don't give a shit about anything do you?
-You don't give a shit about anything do you?	Sure I do...I give a shit that at 0300 hour we reach our point of dentination. I give a shit that those mojos got to do what they got to do, and 45 minutes later we are turn around and gone. I give a shit that by the time the sun comes up we are all safely tucked in bed.
-Sure I do...I give a shit that at 0300 hour we reach our point of dentination. I give a shit that those mojos got to do what they got to do, and 45 minutes later we are turn around and gone. I give a shit that by the time the sun comes up we are all safely tucked in bed.	That's it? That's all you give a shit about?
-That's it? That's all you give a shit about?	Oh yeah...and that my stich job doesn't make you uglier than you already are...this won't hurt a bit...
-What did you do the my kids!!	Me??
-Me??	No! The man in the moon!! Who's driving this thing?
-I think he knows that Joey.	Good! So maybe he also know where the hell am I going to get the parts I need...
-You know what I'm gonna do after this...I'm gonna get a normal life...	Joey...
-Joey...	...Like a house in the suburbs... maybe a couple of kids...some sort of business...be in the bowling league...go to the ball games...
-Joey...it's okay...	What? You don't think I can have a normal life?
-What? You don't think I can have a normal life?	Joey...look at me...
-It's okay...come on...	I'm stuck...
-Finnegan, what the hell was that?	I don't know...you got what we need?
-I don't know...you got what we need?	If I don't, I ain't going back to get it...you think we're safe?
-Joey... Which way's aft?	That way.
-Don't shoot!! Don't shoot!!	Just the man I wanted to see. On this puppy here, you remember if it's red to blue or blue to red...
-Not even a Joey, I'm glad to see you? Joey, what happened to your leg?	Joey, you want to get sucked out by a giant fucking mutated squid?
-Joey, you want to get sucked out by a giant fucking mutated squid?	Red cross over to blue double blue ...is that what it is? A squid?
-Red cross over to blue double blue ...is that what it is? A squid?	Squid...squid like...squid type... it's got tentacles, a feed sac... probably one central nervous processor somewhere...what the hell do I know is going on deep down in the ocean...there's all sorts of shit we've never seen...eighty foot clams...60 foot sharks...I'm just guessing...can you get me more juice out of Hercules...fast?
-Squid...squid like...squid type... it's got tentacles, a feed sac... probably one central nervous processor somewhere...what the hell do I know is going on deep down in the ocean...there's all sorts of shit we've never seen...eighty foot clams...60 foot sharks...I'm just guessing...can you get me more juice out of Hercules...fast?	For juice, I gotta rebuild. That's not fast.
-Can somebody tell me what the object of the exercise is here?	Seafood salad.  You ever operate a jet ski?
-I've never seen you so congenial with a mamber of the opposite sex... The two of you got a nice patter going...got a nice rapport...	And you got 10 minutes before this thing livens up a boring evening.
-You know what I think? I think our luck has just about run shit out...	A little to the left...
-A little to the left...	I think we gotta stop floating from one fucked up situation to the next...
-I think we gotta stop floating from one fucked up situation to the next...	Line it up now, nice and easy...
-I'm telling you, man, we got to give the future some serious thought.	I have been.
-I have been.	And what have you come up with?
-And what have you come up with?	How does an island sound to you?
-Man, don't go up there...	One whistle... Start the engine...
-She's gone...	Second whistle you make it to the deck and get ready to jump...
-Second whistle you make it to the deck and get ready to jump...	All you're gonna do is get yourself killed...and for what? Some chick?
-All you're gonna do is get yourself killed...and for what? Some chick?	You're beautiful what you're jealous, you know that, Joey?
-Was it the water in my eyes or were you guys about to...	Joey...
-Joey...	Because it's cool, you know, I can always take a walk or something down the beach...
-Because it's cool, you know, I can always take a walk or something down the beach...	Joey...
-Joey...	Or I could go for a swim...although, I gotta tell you...if I never get in the water again...
-Or maybe not.	Where is everybody?
-I mean...where is everbody?	Poolside?
-You tell it straight or I pull the trigger. Who are you?	A passenger...
-Where are you going?	Nowhere...
-Why don't you back off?	You want some too?
-You know what my goal is? Before I die I want to make love to a woman from every country on earth.	You mean countries that are acknowledged by the UN...or like made up countires too?
-You mean countries that are acknowledged by the UN...or like made up countires too?	What the hell does that mean?
-What the hell does that mean?	Like Mamooli's country...
-I thought the plan was we'd evacuate them after we got through.	Maybe plans changed...
-Maybe plans changed...	Plans don't change...
-What was that?	Nothing.
-Nothing.	Someone's back there.
-Someone's back there.	Hey! Come out here!
-Check it out!	Hey! You hear me? Come out!
-I'm not screwing around with you man...I hate the cold water.	What is it man?
-What is it man?	I'm looking...
-Maybe it's the wrong ship.	Shut up!
-Hey! What are you trying to pull!	John...
-Why don't you help us so we can get done faster so we can get the hell out of here?	'Cause grease monkey ain't in my job description dick head...
-Don't shoot, man, don't shoot!	What happened to Vivo?! What the hell happened to Vivo?
-What's there to think about?? That THING back there...	There ain't no thing here!! No thing!! There's you him and me!! Got it! You him and...
-She fucked you?	She fucked me.
-She fucked me.	She fucked me too.
-She fucked me too.	She fucked you?
-She fucked you?	She fucked me too.
-She fucked us both.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Fucking women, man...
-Fucking women, man...	I know...
-Fuel up. Need fuel.	Those are mine!
-Those are mine!	You want 'em?
-You want 'em?	Damn right!
-Damn right!	Gimme a Hostess Twinkie, Merle.
-That's mustard!	What?
-What?	You just put mustard on your Hershey bar.
-You just put mustard on your Hershey bar.	Good... Pass the beer.
-I'll get the boots.	Get the boots.
-Get the boots.	I mean let's get going before --
-Maxie! Hey Maxie wha'd'ya say!	Hey Geraldine, let's eat!
-Here. Here we go.  Here's to you, Nick!	Fuckin' A!
-Yes, Albert?	John,we're going huntin'.
-John,we're going huntin'.	Who's going?
-Who's going?	We're all going.
-We're all going.	Nick's going?
-Nick's going?	Nick, Vince, Albert and John.
-Nick, Vince, Albert and John.	No women?
-Here's to huntin'.	Hey! Fuckin' A!
-Sweet! Oh, that is sweet!	Hey! Fuckin' A! Just... just like a hot shit... except cold.
-Damn right!	What do you think, Sal? Jesus, you think we'd miss this?
-And we want you to know, Sal, that any help you might need--	Yeah, Sal--
-Ammo! Get the ammo!	I'll get it! Where is it?
-It is not!	It is too! Now you passed it!
-This is it. Definitely. This is it, but they changed it.	You're full of shit.
-You're full of shit.	Who's full of shit?
-Who's full of shit?	You're full of shit!
-You're full of shit!	I'm telling you, they changed it!
-I'm telling you, they changed it!	They did not!
-They did not!	They did too!
-They did too!	Jesus, it's freezing!
-I thought that was it.	So he's in the next one, Albert. I mean take it easy. I mean you're driving everybody nuts!
-It's gotta be the next one. I mean it's gotta be! Right, Albert?	Fuckin' A. It's gotta!
-Fuckin' A. It's gotta!	It's gotta!
-What the --!	It's Nick!
-It's Nick!	Nick...?  Jesus, Nick!
-Where the hell were you? We were all set -- beer, broads. Right? Am I right?	Yeah.
-Fuckin' guy's been shooting slants, Albert! I mean, what do you think?	I know, but...
-I know, but...	What do you think? You think he's been picking flowers? Fuckin' guy's been saving your ass, Albert. Everybody's ass! Even in Europe!
-What do you think? You think he's been picking flowers? Fuckin' guy's been saving your ass, Albert. Everybody's ass! Even in Europe!	Yeah. Oh, boy, yeah... Jes', you must be tired.
-Tell him, Vince!	Well... you remember Cynthia?
-Hey, Nick, I mean... This here is for the guy that gets caught!	Vince thinks... you know...
-Let's go!!!	Hey! Fuckin' A! Time to roll!!!
-You're full of shit, Vince! You're so full of shit you're going to float away!	Who? Who is?
-Who? Who is?	You, Vince! You! You are! You're a crock! You're a walking, talking crock!... I mean, what do you know?
-You, Vince! You! You are! You're a crock! You're a walking, talking crock!... I mean, what do you know?	I know! I fuckin' know!
-I know! I fuckin' know!	You don't!
-You don't!	I do!!!
-I do!!!	I'm tellin' you she does it, Vince! With twenty guys you know!
-I'm tellin' you she does it, Vince! With twenty guys you know!	She does not!
-She does not!	Then what's the gun for! What's this for?
-Then what's the gun for! What's this for?	In case!!! The gun's in case!!!
-In case!!! The gun's in case!!!	In case???!!! In case of what? In case you stumble on her, suckin' cock in the front fucking hall?!
-In case???!!! In case of what? In case you stumble on her, suckin' cock in the front fucking hall?!	She might!!! She might do it, Albert, but you can't fuckin' tell me that she does!!!
-She might!!! She might do it, Albert, but you can't fuckin' tell me that she does!!!	She does, Vince! That's what I'm telling you! She does!!!
-Albert! For Christ's sake... John! Wait a minute, you guys!	It won't open.
-It won't open.	You gotta hit it here. Here, Albert, not there.
-You gotta hit it here. Here, Albert, not there.	Where should I hit it? Just show me where I should hit it.
-Where should I hit it? Just show me where I should hit it.	Here. Hit it here.
-That's new, isn't it?	Couple of weeks... Listen --
-Couple of weeks... Listen --	I love this car. Some cars sit, you know? This car, a car like this... grows. I mean you never know, with a car like this, where this car has been.
-Whee-uu!	Jesus!
-I got delayed. I --	Hey, Nick! God damn!... What've you been doin', I mean...
-Look who's talkin'! Jes'! He got married! Vince got married!	Married?
-Married?	Tell him, Vince.
-He's serious. Vince is fuckin' serious!	You mean...?
-Fucking A.	Worse since she talked to who?
-He's real bad, Nick.	Well, where the hell is he!!! I mean what are we all sitting here for!!!  WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???
-Well, where the hell is he!!! I mean what are we all sitting here for!!!  WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???	Nick...
-Nick! Nick, you'll kill him!... Easy. Nick, easy! Hey, hey. Vince goes back a long way.	Yeah.
-You're back.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	I'm glad. Seriously... I'm very glad.
-I'm glad. Seriously... I'm very glad.	Angela, I just heard Sal was alive.
-Angela, I just heard Sal was alive.	Sure. Why not.
-Sure. Why not.	Where? Where is he?
-Where? Where is he?	Nick, he's fine. He's in a hospital and they're fixing him up.
-Nick, he's fine. He's in a hospital and they're fixing him up.	You talk to him?
-You talk to him?	Oh, sure... Twice a day.
-Oh, sure... Twice a day.	What hospital is he in? Where?
-What hospital is he in? Where?	Nick... Sal is very weak. He suffered a severe wound... and right now he doesn't want a whole lot of people to get involved in a whole thing.
-Nick... Sal is very weak. He suffered a severe wound... and right now he doesn't want a whole lot of people to get involved in a whole thing.	Hey, Angela, Sal and I go back a long way.
-Hey, Angela, Sal and I go back a long way.	He doesn't want people bugging him, Nick!
-Did you ever think life would turn out like this?	No.
-No.	You know what Sal's got now?... Sal's got... one arm, Nick, and... that's it.
-I have to go.	But you must come in.
-But you must come in.	No, I --
-No, I --	But I insist.
-But I insist.	I have to go.
-I have to go.	You are frightened, no?
-See, I'm going home.	Ah yes. Of course.  To the girl who waits.
-Ah yes. Of course.  To the girl who waits.	Yeah... Do you mind if I sit?
-Yeah... Do you mind if I sit?	But of course! Please make yourself comfortable. Perhaps you would enjoy some fresh caviar, or une petite glace, or --?
-But of course! Please make yourself comfortable. Perhaps you would enjoy some fresh caviar, or une petite glace, or --?	No. None of that.
-No. None of that.	Unfortunately I must now go in, but I leave you my card. Naturellement I pay my players cash American. Just so you know.
-C'est tres amusant... You have been promoted. And to a Jew... I am joking of course. Naturellement. Seriously, Nick, may I hope that you have come to play?	I came to see Merle.
-I came to see Merle.	Ah. Merle. And you know Merle?
-Ah. Merle. And you know Merle?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	You are his friend.
-You are his friend.	Where is he???
-Where is he???	Merle is under his tree... Beside the terrace. You can't miss him.
-I love Linda, see. I love Linda more than I can even say.	Everybody love Linda.
-Everybody love Linda.	That's right. That's exactly what I mean!
-That's right. That's exactly what I mean!	I love Linda. Myself, I love Linda so much!
-I love Linda. Myself, I love Linda so much!	Only,good people love Linda, see. What Linda has, Linda --
-Only,good people love Linda, see. What Linda has, Linda --	How you like to have nice fuck with Linda? You like that? Special, crazy fuck just like with Linda?
-How you like to have nice fuck with Linda? You like that? Special, crazy fuck just like with Linda?	You mean...?
-You mean...?	I show you. Come. You come.  Linda have special, crazy fuck. That right?
-You like to call me Linda now?	Linda, yeah.
-Linda, yeah.	You call me Linda, just like home.
-Wait! First I give you special fuck!	Elephants! Make way... I gotta get elephants!
-She's in back.	Thanks.
-Thanks.	How was huntin'?
-How was huntin'?	Oh. Fine.
-Oh. Fine.	Get anything?
-Get anything?	No.
-No.	Too bad.
-Those fuckin' niggers. This time I'm going to eat balls!... You ever try 'em?	Naw.
-Naw.	Not bad fresh, but they don't keep worth a pig's fart.
-Boy, do I love this conflict. Huh?... What the hell were you doin' in there?	You know a guy named Merle?
-You know a guy named Merle?	Merle? That's who we're looking for. Merle.
-Merle? That's who we're looking for. Merle.	Yeah?
-Yeah?	Sure! I got eight hundred potatoes says he goes one more... He retired, you know.
-Sure! I got eight hundred potatoes says he goes one more... He retired, you know.	Yeah?
-Yeah?	Now he's back.
-Hey, guys...	Shhh! Albert's gonna hump the Coup de Ville.
-Look at that, see... Watch. Wait a minute, watch. There! D'j'u see that? D'j'u see the way he... You know what that guy is doing? That guy is squeezing her ass!	Oh, well...
-Oh, well...	Oh well! What do you mean Oh well?! The guy is actually... He did it again! That's what he's doing... He... He's reaching in, John, to her --! I'll kill him! I'm gonna kill him right now.
-Get 'em! For Christ sake, get 'em!	Who's got the ammo?
-Holy shit!	Merle, hey Merle, you got any socks?
-Vince. Hey, you guys --	Take last night...! Last night he coulda had twenty fuckin' deer! More! He coulda had more! And look what he does! I mean look what he fuckin' does!!!
-Take last night...! Last night he coulda had twenty fuckin' deer! More! He coulda had more! And look what he does! I mean look what he fuckin' does!!!	Vince!!!
-Hey, Nick...	Nick, we don't know where Sal is... Nick, Angela won't tell us.
-'Course how could you miss, right? Twenty, maybe thirty feet. I mean, if I'd'a been where you guys were --	Psst. Vince!
-Where's it gone?	Inside, Vince.
-Nick! Hey, Nick!  Boy! Boy oh boy! Are you okay? You're okay, huh?	Fine. Hey, I'm fine.
-Fine. Hey, I'm fine.	Sit down. Here. Right here.  Albert! Vince!
-Rough, huh?	Rough.  We didn't have to do it, John.
-Rough.  We didn't have to do it, John.	No?
-No?	No. How's Angela? How's she taking it?
-No. How's Angela? How's she taking it?	Not so good.
-Not so good.	No?
-No?	Worse since she talked to him.
-Sal.	Talked to Sal?  Sal's alive?
-Talked to Sal?  Sal's alive?	Kind of. You didn't know?
-Kind of. You didn't know?	Sal's alive???
-Why?... What do you mean?... Why???	Nick, she won't say why.
-Nick, she won't say why.	But Sal's mother! What about Sal's mother!
-But Sal's mother! What about Sal's mother!	She's out of her tree, Nick. She is straight out of her tree.
-She's out of her tree, Nick. She is straight out of her tree.	Oh, Jesus.
-Biederman! Where's Biederman!	Here.
-Here.	You Biederman?
-You Biederman?	Biederman, yes.
-Biederman, yes.	I got you on this flight, Biederman. Is that right?
-Please! Please mister, please! This is vital I go to Saigon. This is very important. Most important.	Listen, Biederman, I'm going to club you into the floor unless you tell me what the fuck is so important.
-Listen, Biederman, I'm going to club you into the floor unless you tell me what the fuck is so important.	That I must not tell you. Top secret. You see there. Topmost secret.
-That I must not tell you. Top secret. You see there. Topmost secret.	Biederman!
-Biederman!	I will not betray my country. No. Ne-ver!
-Linda...	Hi.  Nick, your shoes are soaking.
-Hi.  Nick, your shoes are soaking.	Linda, what's the matter?
-Linda, what's the matter?	Oh... You know...
-I was just wondering... Nick... You're going hunting... If I could use this place to stay, because...	Sure. Are you kidding? Sure.
-Sure. Are you kidding? Sure.	I'd want to pay you... and I was thinking --
-I'd want to pay you... and I was thinking --	Linda... Hey, Linda...
-Linda... Hey, Linda...	I would want to pay you, Nick... and I was thinking --
-I would want to pay you, Nick... and I was thinking --	Linda, Linda...!
-Linda, Linda...!	What?
-What?	Will you marry me?
-Will you marry me?	Okay.
-Okay.	Would you?
-I don't know what we've been waiting for!	I don't know! I don't know either!
-Sit with Linda, man, will ya?... Give her a beer.  Would you like a beer?	Sure.
-Sure.	What kind of beer would you like?
-What kind of beer would you like?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	Give her Miller's. Miller's High Life.
-I thought... Oh, Nick, I thought you were hurt, some accident. Maybe you fell or maybe some car...  I thought someone stole you away!	No.
-No.	Oh, Nick! Oh I missed you so!
-How are you?	Fine. I'm fine. How are you?
-Fine. I'm fine. How are you?	Fine. I just go along, you know. Down at the market. Back here. I mean it just seems there's a million things to do!... Are you sure you're all right? I mean, what about the wound?
-Fine. I just go along, you know. Down at the market. Back here. I mean it just seems there's a million things to do!... Are you sure you're all right? I mean, what about the wound?	That was nothing. That wasn't anything.
-That was nothing. That wasn't anything.	But --
-But --	It was just the complications. I mean, you take a little thing over there and then you get complications. I mean all the guys had it.
-It was just the complications. I mean, you take a little thing over there and then you get complications. I mean all the guys had it.	I made you a sweater.  Here... You have to take that off.
-How's the trailer?	Great. Fine... Once or twice it did fall off the blocks. I don't know what that's from.
-Great. Fine... Once or twice it did fall off the blocks. I don't know what that's from.	Frost.
-Frost.	Is that what it is? I couldn't figure out.
-Is that what it is? I couldn't figure out.	Did you get hurt? You didn't get hurt?
-Did you get hurt? You didn't get hurt?	Oh, no. It just kind of goes thump. Would you like a Coke? You don't drink Coke. Or maybe you do. What about champagne? Let's have champagne! I don't think we have champagne. Let's have this. See? Sparkling. I'll get you an opener. Oh, that's right. No opener. Let's just have beer. Do you want some cheese? Or maybe eggs? Maybe we should have coffee.
-Nick?... I just want to say how sorry I am about Sal and about Merle. How... I know you loved them and I know it's not the same. I mean now.	Naw, it's... I mean...
-Naw, it's... I mean...	Maybe... I don't know, if you want to talk --
-Maybe... I don't know, if you want to talk --	Naw, it's... This guy wants his money.
-Does this... I mean, how does this job work out?	Oh, it's great. Fine.
-No-o-o!	I'll kill 'em. Anybody bothers you, I'll kill 'em!
-I'll kill 'em. Anybody bothers you, I'll kill 'em!	Nick. It's okay... It's okay.  I have to go now.
-Nick?	Right here.
-What are you doing?	Oh. Nothing... Sitting.
-Oh. Nothing... Sitting.	You're going hunting?
-You're going hunting?	What?
-What?	I see you're going hunting.
-Yeah... All the guys, we're all going huntin'. Like we did. You know? Like we always used to.	That's wonderful. I think you should... fresh air.
-Linda... Honey, what's wrong?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	Hey. Look. There must be something.
-I'm just so lonely.	C'mon. I've got the car.
-C'mon. I've got the car.	I'll be out... Just leave me. I'll be out. I'm fine. Really. I'm fine.
-You seem... disturbed.	I... No. You do this for money?
-I... No. You do this for money?	Mais certainment... A great deal of money. Naturally I do not do it myself. I myself do not possess the nerve.  But I am always... how do you say... looking out for those who do... It is a thing quite rare. Champagne perhaps? Tch, tch. Don't say no. When a man says no to champagne, he says no to life and that no man must ever do.  Where did you play?
-Mais certainment... A great deal of money. Naturally I do not do it myself. I myself do not possess the nerve.  But I am always... how do you say... looking out for those who do... It is a thing quite rare. Champagne perhaps? Tch, tch. Don't say no. When a man says no to champagne, he says no to life and that no man must ever do.  Where did you play?	Up north.
-Up north.	Ah yes. Of course... So few survive.  La creme de la creme... How did you obtain release?
-Ah yes. Of course... So few survive.  La creme de la creme... How did you obtain release?	Playing.
-Playing.	Playing?
-Playing?	We... Three bullets.
-We... Three bullets.	And then you...
-How extremely clever. That is really most extraordinaire... Allow me please to introduce myself. I am Armand... And you are?	Nick.
-Who the hell is he?	Who the hell knows!
-You can do it, Sal.	No. No, no.
-No. No, no.	Sal... listen to me, Sal! You have to do it.
-Sal... listen to me, Sal! You have to do it.	I want to go home, Merle.
-I want to go home, Merle.	You have to think about this, Sal. Listen to me, Sal! You have to think about this.
-You have to think about this, Sal. Listen to me, Sal! You have to think about this.	This is horrible!
-This is horrible!	Listen to me, Sal. If you don't do it they'll put you in the pit. If they put you in the pit, Sal, you're gonna die... Sal, do you understand?
-Listen to me, Sal. If you don't do it they'll put you in the pit. If they put you in the pit, Sal, you're gonna die... Sal, do you understand?	Merle, I wanna go home!
-Merle?	Right here.
-Where are we going, Merle? Are we going home?	Right here.
-Sal!  Sal... Goddamn it, Sal, don't you know anything?	Where are we going, Merle? Are we going home?
-Where are we going, Merle? Are we going home?	Sure. Sure, Sal. We're going home.
-Humper's ready. Old humper's hotter'n damn hell!	There's Vince!
-Won't we? Right? Am I right?	Right.
-You should have put that on last night.	I know.
-I know.	That way it sets.
-That way it sets.	Yeah.
-I just wait. You know?	Huh?
-Huh?	I just wait. For this... It's what I wait for... I wait all year.
-I just wait. For this... It's what I wait for... I wait all year.	So do I.
-So do I.	You do?
-You do?	Yeah.
-You think about it?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	So do I.  I want to be ready... You have to be ready... It has to be there, in your mind.
-So do I.  I want to be ready... You have to be ready... It has to be there, in your mind.	The shot?
-The shot?	Fucking A.
-Fucking A.	I don't think about the shot that much.
-I don't think about the shot that much.	You have to think about the shot. It's the shot. The shot's it.
-You have to think about the shot. It's the shot. The shot's it.	Yeah... I guess.
-Yeah... I guess.	What do you think about?
-What do you think about?	I don't know... I guess I think about the deer... Being out, maybe. I don't know. I think about it all. Hell, I like the trees, you know? I like the ways the trees are, all the different ways the trees are too.
-I don't know... I guess I think about the deer... Being out, maybe. I don't know. I think about it all. Hell, I like the trees, you know? I like the ways the trees are, all the different ways the trees are too.	I'll tell you something, Nick. I wouldn't hunt with anyone but you. I won't hunt with a yo-yo.
-I'll tell you something, Nick. I wouldn't hunt with anyone but you. I won't hunt with a yo-yo.	Yo-yo! Who's a yo-yo?
-Yo-yo! Who's a yo-yo?	Who's a yo-yo...? Who do you think's a yo-yo! They're all yo yo's. I mean they're all great guys, for Christ's sake, but... The point is, Nick, without you I'd hunt alone. Seriously. I would. That's what I'd do.
-Who's a yo-yo...? Who do you think's a yo-yo! They're all yo yo's. I mean they're all great guys, for Christ's sake, but... The point is, Nick, without you I'd hunt alone. Seriously. I would. That's what I'd do.	You're a fucking nut. You know that, Merle? You're a fucking maniac!
-You're a fucking nut. You know that, Merle? You're a fucking maniac!	Yeah.  When it comes to hunting, that's true.
-Nick, he just came back.	From Nam?
-From Nam?	Fucking A. See that ribbon in the left. That's Quan Son. That fucking guy was at Quan Son!
-What'd he say?	Pow.
-Pow.	Pow?
-Pow?	Pow.
-Pow.	Oh.
-Is he from here?	Hell no!
-Hell no!	Well, where's he from?
-You think we'll ever come back?	From Nam?
-From Nam?	Yeah.
-I love this fuckin' place... That sounds crazy. I know that sounds crazy, but I love this fuckin' place... If anything happens, Nick, don't leave me there. I mean it. Don't leave me... You gotta promise, Nick. You gotta promise me that.	Merle --
-Merle --	Promise! You gotta promise!
-Promise! You gotta promise!	You got it.
-It's ahead, by the tree.	It's ahead, Vince.
-Hey, Nick?	Huh?
-Huh?	Tomorrow I go with Vince.
-Tomorrow I go with Vince.	Hunt with Vince?
-Hunt with Vince?	Yeah... I mean so he knows... He doesn't even know.
-I'm telling you, Nick, no one's going to come.	What are you, God?
-What are you, God?	Listen, asshole, it's up to us!
-Listen, asshole, it's up to us!	They bombed last night, right? Didn't they bomb? If they bombed last night, they could bomb tonight. They could be up there right now!
-They bombed last night, right? Didn't they bomb? If they bombed last night, they could bomb tonight. They could be up there right now!	What are you, hoping?
-What are you, hoping?	What else?
-What else?	I thought you might be praying.
-I thought you might be praying.	I'm doing that too.
-I'm doing that too.	I suppose you wish you were somewhere else?
-I suppose you wish you were somewhere else?	What do you think?
-What do you think?	Nick, you're wasting your time... Listen to me! You're wasting your time! This is no fucking time for hoping or praying or wishing or any other shit! This is it. Here we are... And we gotta get out!
-Nick, you're wasting your time... Listen to me! You're wasting your time! This is no fucking time for hoping or praying or wishing or any other shit! This is it. Here we are... And we gotta get out!	You're right... Okay, you're right.
-You're right... Okay, you're right.	Get off your ass, Nick. Get off your fucking ass and stand up!!!
-Get off your ass, Nick. Get off your fucking ass and stand up!!!	Okay, okay!  Okay. Okay, you're right... What about Sal?
-Okay, okay!  Okay. Okay, you're right... What about Sal?	Forget Sal.
-Forget Sal.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	I mean forget Sal... Sal can't take it, Nick.
-I mean forget Sal... Sal can't take it, Nick.	Forget Sal?
-Forget Sal?	Forget Sal... Listen to me -- forget Sal! I've been working on Sal since dawn, Nick. Sal's in a dream and he won't come out. LISTEN!!! From here on you gotta go for you. You hear me? For you!
-Forget Sal... Listen to me -- forget Sal! I've been working on Sal since dawn, Nick. Sal's in a dream and he won't come out. LISTEN!!! From here on you gotta go for you. You hear me? For you!	Merle...
-Merle...	LISTEN, NICK! GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD OR YOU AND ME ARE BOTH DEAD TOO!
-We gotta play with more bullets.	We what?
-We what?	We gotta play with more bullets, Nick. It's the only way.
-We gotta play with more bullets, Nick. It's the only way.	More bullets in the gun?
-More bullets in the gun?	More bullets in the gun... The trouble is that still leaves one of us with his hands tied up, so that means we gotta play each other.
-More bullets in the gun... The trouble is that still leaves one of us with his hands tied up, so that means we gotta play each other.	With more bullets?... Against each other?... Are you crazy!!! Are you fucking nuts!!!
-With more bullets?... Against each other?... Are you crazy!!! Are you fucking nuts!!!	Nick... NICK!!! It's the only chance we've got!
-How many bullets?	Three bullets -- minimum.
-Three bullets -- minimum.	No way. No fucking way!
-No way. No fucking way!	I'll pick the moment, Nick. The game goes on until I move. When I start shooting, go for the nearest guard and get his gun.
-I'll pick the moment, Nick. The game goes on until I move. When I start shooting, go for the nearest guard and get his gun.	No. No way!
-No. No way!	When you get the AK, open up. You got me? Open up.
-When you get the AK, open up. You got me? Open up.	YOU'RE CRAZY!!!... NO WAY!... NOW YOU'RE CRAZY!!! YOU'RE COMPLETELY CRAZY!!!
-Merle...! Jesus! Hey, how are you?	Nick!... I thought you went home.
-Nick!... I thought you went home.	I did. I... This is stolen. I came back.
-I did. I... This is stolen. I came back.	Sit down.
-How's Linda?	Fine. She's fine... Merle, what the hell are you doing?
-Fine. She's fine... Merle, what the hell are you doing?	I like it, Nick.
-I like it, Nick.	Merle... Hey, Merle, listen...  Why?
-Bullshit! That's bullshit!	You wanna bet?
-You wanna bet?	I'll betcha! That's bullshit and I'll betcha! You're fulla shit!
-I'll betcha! That's bullshit and I'll betcha! You're fulla shit!	How much? How much do you wanna bet?
-Here, here! This is it!	Watch it, shithead!
-Watch it, shithead!	Here! This is it!
-Sure I got boots. I got boots right here.	Then lemme have 'em.
-Then lemme have 'em.	No.
-No.	No!!!?
-No!!!?	No.
-No.	What do you mean, no???
-What do you mean, no???	That's it. No. No way.
-That's it. No. No way.	Some fuckin' friend... You're some fuckin' friend, Merle!
-Some fuckin' friend... You're some fuckin' friend, Merle!	You gotta learn, Vince! You come out here... You got no jacket, you got no pants, you got no knife and you got no boots. You think everyone's gonna take care of you! That's what you always think, but this time you're wrong. This time you're on your own!
-You're one fuckin' bastard, Merle. You know that? You're one fucking bastard!	This is this, Vince. This isn't something else. This is this!
-This is this, Vince. This isn't something else. This is this!	"You know what I think? There's times I think you're a goddamn faggot!... I fixed you up a million times, Merle!  I fixed him up a million times! I don't know how many times I fixed him up... and nothin' ever happens... Zilch! Zero!... The trouble with you, Merle, no one knows what you're talking about! ""This is this""? What does that mean, ""this is this""? I mean is that some faggot bullshit, or is that some faggot bullshit!!! And if it isn't, what the hell is it???"
-Where's Vince?	There's Albert!  Hey, Albert!!!
-Not tonight?... You're not driving up tonight?	As soon as you're hitched, Sal. First we get you hitched.
-As soon as you're hitched, Sal. First we get you hitched.	You guys are crazy. You know that? I mean you guys are really nuts.
-Don't worry what it says in the book.	Right.
-Right.	Just forget that. Forget what it says in the book.
-Just forget that. Forget what it says in the book.	I'm gonna start slow... At the top. Then I'm gonna work down.
-I'm gonna start slow... At the top. Then I'm gonna work down.	Great. That's great.
-Great. That's great.	That's my plan.
-See you Monday.	See you Monday.
-Sal? Sal, it's me, Nick.	Nick. Hey. How's things?
-Nick. Hey. How's things?	Oh. You know. How's it with you?
-Oh. You know. How's it with you?	Same. Hey. Same old stuff.
-Same. Hey. Same old stuff.	What's that noise?
-What's that noise?	What?
-What?	What's that noise?
-What's that noise?	John Wayne... Listen, Nick --
-John Wayne... Listen, Nick --	Great. Hey. That's great.
-Great. Hey. That's great.	Listen, Nick --
-Listen, Nick --	John Wayne's great... Listen, Sal. Jesus. When are you getting out?
-John Wayne's great... Listen, Sal. Jesus. When are you getting out?	I'm gonna stay here, Nick.
-I'm gonna stay here, Nick.	What?
-What?	Place is great. Really. One great place... Basketball, bowling. You name it. Canasta. Hearts. Lots of guys are making salad bowls. What I'll do is make a salad bowl for you, unless you'd rather have a pencil holder. The pencil holder's neat, I mean --
-Place is great. Really. One great place... Basketball, bowling. You name it. Canasta. Hearts. Lots of guys are making salad bowls. What I'll do is make a salad bowl for you, unless you'd rather have a pencil holder. The pencil holder's neat, I mean --	Wait a minute. Sal. Hold it. John Wayne's making so much noise I can hardly --
-Wait a minute. Sal. Hold it. John Wayne's making so much noise I can hardly --	I gotta get back, Nick.
-Sal, we need you. We need you.	Hey, Nick. How can you need me?
-Hey, Nick. How can you need me?	We do, Sal. We do... You're the heart.
-Sal, you're gonna die! You're gonna sit in that corner watching soaps and you're gonna die!... I'm not saying it's gonna be the same. It's not gonna be the same, but whatever it's gonna be we're all gonna do it, Sal. God damn it we are! We are gonna do it!	Nick. I'm so scared. I'm so fuckin' scared to go home.
-Nick. I'm so scared. I'm so fuckin' scared to go home.	I know. It's like coming from the moon. Or Mars.
-Did you go hunting.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Did you get one?
-Did you get one?	No.
-No.	You didn't get a deer?
-You didn't get a deer?	I tracked this one, a big buck. God, he was such a beauty--! What's this suitcase here?
-I tracked this one, a big buck. God, he was such a beauty--! What's this suitcase here?	Where?
-Where?	Here. Behind you.
-Maybe you could use socks, Nick. Jesus, I mean, come to think of it socks are pretty expensive now.	It's not socks, Sal.
-It's Merle, Sal.	Merle? ... Merle's alive?  How do you know?
-Merle? ... Merle's alive?  How do you know?	I saw him last night. I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was out of my mind.
-I saw him last night. I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was out of my mind.	Merle gave me this?
-Merle gave me this?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	But, Nick... Hey, I mean, where would a guy like Merle get money like this?
-Oh cards, maybe. Poker... It's getting cold, Sal. I'm going to take you in.  We'll call Angela. The guys can help her bring you home... Did I tell you I was going on a trip?	Trip? What do you mean, Nick? You said you'd be --
-Trip? What do you mean, Nick? You said you'd be --	It's okay. Hey, it's okay! Just a week. Just to see Phantom Mary.
-It's okay. Hey, it's okay! Just a week. Just to see Phantom Mary.	Phantom Mary?
-Phantom Mary?	Didn't I ever tell you about Phantom Mary?
-Didn't I ever tell you about Phantom Mary?	No.
-No.	Well... Phantom Mary's on my mother's side. Naturally no one there admits it because Phantom Mary's pretty weird... You want to hear the whole story?
-Well... Phantom Mary's on my mother's side. Naturally no one there admits it because Phantom Mary's pretty weird... You want to hear the whole story?	Yeah!
-Yeah!	Like I say, Phantom Mary's pretty weird... Lives alone, lives way out in the middle of nowhere with a cat called Pajamas and a cow called Fred. Well, last week I got a call from Phantom Mary, which in itself was very strange...
-He's getting married... and we're nuts!	It's all right. Hey, it's all right. We'll be right here, right with you.
-How're you guys... I mean, how've you guys been?	Same old thing. Hey, same like always. Nothing's changed. Albert is getting fat.
-Well, who'd you get married to?	Aw, it's a long story!
-Cynthia! Sure.	That's who.
-That's who.	Cynthia! Hey, that's terrific. I mean... Great! That's really great!
-What the hell's that for?	What's it for??
-How's it feel, huh? How's it feel to be back?	Great. Feels great... Fuckin' A!
-Great. Feels great... Fuckin' A!	I mean, I guess you still think about Nam. Right? I mean --
-I mean, I guess you still think about Nam. Right? I mean --	Naw.  Uh-huh.
-Naw.  Uh-huh.	Hey, Nick, you ever do it with one of those slants?
-Hey, Nick, you ever do it with one of those slants?	No.
-No.	No!
-No!	Never one.
-Never one.	Oh, Jesus!  You're kiddin'!
-Oh, Jesus!  You're kiddin'!	One, Vince... you have to understand, doing it with one... would be... like nothing. They're small, see, so if you're smart you get about six or eight. I mean, if you want to have any fun.
-One, Vince... you have to understand, doing it with one... would be... like nothing. They're small, see, so if you're smart you get about six or eight. I mean, if you want to have any fun.	Six or eight.  And they go wild?
-Six or eight.  And they go wild?	"They have these little sticks, Vince. They call them ""chomp chomps"", and when you get these girls going, you have to stick 'em in their mouths."
-You're full of shit!	Yeah.
-Yeah.	And I believed you! I oughta punch you out! I oughta...! Hey. Hey, let's go huntin'! Albert! Hey, Albert! Let's go huntin'. What do you say? Nick? What do you say?
-And I believed you! I oughta punch you out! I oughta...! Hey. Hey, let's go huntin'! Albert! Hey, Albert! Let's go huntin'. What do you say? Nick? What do you say?	Sure.
-Just like always! Just like it always was! Right, Nick? Am I right?	In the timeless words of Squire Albert...
-What the hell was that!  What did you think? Did you think it was loaded!	You loaded it, Vince! I saw you!
-You loaded it, Vince! I saw you!	The fuck I did!!!
-The fuck I did!!!	The fuck you didn't!... Gimme that!
-Quiet!... Quiet!!!... Awright, everybody, Nick has a few words.	I just... would like to say a few words... about Merle. I guess Merle always wanted something... I don't know... better. That fucking guy, he saved my Life. He saved Sal's... What Merle liked, he liked things right... But then there wasn't any place for that... that he could find.
-Up I would say... What would you say?	Up.
-Up.	Up ribbon!
-Down I would say... What would you say?	Down.
-Down.	Down ribbon!
-Up a little there... What would you say?	Up.
-Looks like ya gonna take office just in time, Chief.  Things need straightening up in this city.	What'cha got, Bennett?
-What'cha got, Bennett?	Witnesses say some wacko went Judge hunting with a late model.  I got an artist working on a computer composite now.
-Witnesses say some wacko went Judge hunting with a late model.  I got an artist working on a computer composite now.	Technothugs?
-Technothugs?	No chance.  Not their sector.  They ain't even into things this big. Our zone-boy's performing out of a horror show.  Something else.  Unit nine found a couple cold ones in Hollywood.  One Manny Turner.  Gun runner. Sounds like a connection to me.
-No chance.  Not their sector.  They ain't even into things this big. Our zone-boy's performing out of a horror show.  Something else.  Unit nine found a couple cold ones in Hollywood.  One Manny Turner.  Gun runner. Sounds like a connection to me.	I can smell it.
-That's him.  Simon Doucet.	Jesus.  Sweet Jesus.  We've got trouble.
-Jesus.  Sweet Jesus.  We've got trouble.	This monster escaped from Cryo- Prison this morning.
-This monster escaped from Cryo- Prison this morning.	Well, he's sure working fast ain't he?
-Well, he's sure working fast ain't he?	I want this bastard brought down.
-Yeah?	Wade's here.
-Talk fast.  Polls open in half an hour.	Wade did a little reminiscing.
-Michael called yesterday.  He wants to take Willy for the summer.	What did you say?
-What did you say?	I'd think about it.
-Mr. Murphy asked about you again at work yesterday.	He just wants me to make him cinnamon cookies like I made for you.
-He just wants me to make him cinnamon cookies like I made for you.	I think he wants more than your cookies.
-I think he wants more than your cookies.	Kimberly!
-Kimberly!	Mom, I hate to break this to you, but there's a whole other species out there you're neglecting.  If you've forgotten, they're called 'men'.  Sometimes referred to in more colorful language.
-Who is it?	Avon Lady!
-My man Dubbs.	Who are you?  What the fuck do you want?
-I want to ask you a few questions.	No, you're not model material.  Anything else?
-Funny guy.	Fuck you - fuck you.
-Fuck you - fuck you.	You helped set up my partner, Sergeant William Wade.  I want to know who put you up to it.
-You helped set up my partner, Sergeant William Wade.  I want to know who put you up to it.	Your mother.
-Speak up.	It was Wade's old partner... Gallagher. He was behind it all.
-I worked for him... still do.  Said he'd make sure I was left alone if I helped put Wade away.  He kept his promise for twenty years.	Prepare for a change in lifestyle.
-It was Wade's old partner... Gallagher. He was behind it all.	Put that on your political resume.
-Looks like you did more than jackoff while I was gone.	Maybe re-animating you wasn't such a bright idea.  You look like shit.
-Maybe re-animating you wasn't such a bright idea.  You look like shit.	Shucks, and I got all dressed up.
-Twenty years have passed, Wade. Lay it to rest.	I was set up and you know it... but you swore under oath I was dirty. You helped bury me.
-I was set up and you know it... but you swore under oath I was dirty. You helped bury me.	Jury found you guilty, not me.  I just called it as I saw it.  Fuck that.  You were brought here for a reason.  Doucet's escaped.  Re-animated for his parole hearing.  Killed a lot of people.  Most of them cops.
-I'm not on the force anymore.	Well, you've just been taken off the bench.
-Well, you've just been taken off the bench.	I want to see my wife and kid.
-I want to see my wife and kid.	Later.  I want Doucet first.
-Later.  I want Doucet first.	I told you.  I'm out of the cops and robbers business.  Retired twenty years ago.  I've been trained as a bus driver.  Got a whole route planned and everything.  Even nailed down the lingo - 'Exact change, please'.
-I told you.  I'm out of the cops and robbers business.  Retired twenty years ago.  I've been trained as a bus driver.  Got a whole route planned and everything.  Even nailed down the lingo - 'Exact change, please'.	I'm going to bring this down hard. I've got an A-1 badass killer loose, an election day after tomorrow, and I'm risking everything on you. You're going to bring him in.  I don't care how.  If you do, you'll get your freedom.  An official pardon from me.  A clean slate.  A good job.  A chance to get back with your family.  If you don't want to, I'll put your ass back in the freezer so fast, you'll forget you were ever defrosted.
-What's this?	Fill it out.  Standard issue mal- practice insurance.  All Cops carry it.
-Mug sheets.	I remember what he looks like.  I can't forget.
-Edicon system made these.  Ages, photographs.  We use it to find missing children.	He's not that old yet.  You've lost confidence in me.
-He's not that old yet.  You've lost confidence in me.	No, but he's going to be by tomorrow. He's aging.  'Bout the entire twenty years lost while being frozen in forty-eight hours.  In that time he'll be an old man.  Could be a year, an hour, or all at once. Called NPA Syndrome.  Natural Pro- gression of Aging.  It affects each individual differently.  I'm sure it's painful.
-You son-of-a-bitch.  How do you stop it?	We have an antidote that'll retard the aging process.
-We have an antidote that'll retard the aging process.	Give it to me.
-Give it to me.	When you bring in Doucet.
-The faster you get Doucet, the younger you'll be.	I'm going to kill you when this is all over.
-You're working a partner on this.	I've been alone for twenty years. I don't feel very sociable.
-Hello Wade.	Out of the room.
-Tell Frick and Frack that means them too.	I'll be alright.
-You can't kill me.  I'm going to be Mayor tomorrow.	I'm not voting for you.
-I'm not voting for you.	Ah, fuck you, Wade.  This is bull- shit.  You're not going to kill me.  You're not going to risk your freedom.
-I want to stop aging.	And I want Doucet.
-This is a war, Wade.  You against him.  Vengeance time.  The City's just in the way.  Kill the fucker. You and me.  We'll work things out when the time is right.	Remember my promise.
-Remember my promise.	Don't threaten me.  I tend to take these things seriously.  And get a couple hours sleep.  You look like day old shit.
-Don't threaten me.  I tend to take these things seriously.  And get a couple hours sleep.  You look like day old shit.	Got compliments coming outta your ass, don't ya?
-Just got the call.  Took him from school.  Bastard nailed the Vice- Principal and a teacher.	Where?
-I'm wasting time.	You can't win like this.  You'll only get older.  This is what you wanted!
-You can't win like this.  You'll only get older.  This is what you wanted!	Not anymore.
-What is it?  I'm about to go on.	We have to talk.
-We have to talk.	I heard about today.  Good job.  I'm all for capital punishment.  Why don't you go home and see your family?
-I heard about today.  Good job.  I'm all for capital punishment.  Why don't you go home and see your family?	That wasn't your plan, was it?
-That wasn't your plan, was it?	What are you talking about?
-You were planning to send me back to the ice house.  You set me up.	You're crazy.
-You're crazy.	You were the dirty cop... and I was on to you.  You panicked.  Afraid I was going to expose you... so you shut me up.
-I don't want to hear anymore.	You stole the heroin out of the evidence room and planted it on me.  I was iced.  What better way to keep me from talking.  Stop me if I'm wrong.
-That's not your zone.  Stick to data entry.	I was part of the escort team that re-animated him.  My partner's dead because of this guy.
-Wade's in Cryo-Prison.	He could be brought back.
-Kill him... kill him.	Simon Doucet.  You are under arrest. Please come out with your hands in the air.
-Doucet's just offed two of the jurors who put him away.  I'm rounding up the rest of them and putting them in police custody.  What's your status?	We seem to've come across a 211, sir.
-We seem to've come across a 211, sir.	Forget it.  Stick to the program.
-You two fucks listen up.  Doucet's killing people and you're wasting valuable time busting two-bit Technothugs.	But sir, Sergeant Wade saved the hostages.
-But sir, Sergeant Wade saved the hostages.	I'm thrilled beyond belief.
-Sir, your transmission's fading.	What the hell are you talking about?
-You have no evidence.  Arrest this man.	You want evidence.  I'll give you evidence.
-What do you mean he's escaped?! They're not supposed to escape!	It's a real mess down here.  Some- thing must a'gone wrong.  No man could possess that kind of strength after being frozen for twenty years.
-It's a real mess down here.  Some- thing must a'gone wrong.  No man could possess that kind of strength after being frozen for twenty years.	Tell Doucet that.  What was his rehabilitation training?
-Tell Doucet that.  What was his rehabilitation training?	Telephone repairman.
-Just great.	NPA syndrome will hit 'im fast.  Have your men gear up the Edicon system at a twenty-year ratio in fractions of fives.  Saying a prayer won't be bad either.
-NPA syndrome will hit 'im fast.  Have your men gear up the Edicon system at a twenty-year ratio in fractions of fives.  Saying a prayer won't be bad either.	I don't want any press on this.  I've got an election to win day after to- morrow.
-Sir, your dinner with the union leaders begins in an hour.  Your wife will meet you there, so we can leave whenever you're ready.	Fine.
-Fine.	I've also drafted a letter to families of officers killed in the line of duty.  They'll need your signature.
-Sir, your limo's here.	Kill me if you want.  Hard line me with that 'I ain't got nothing to lose' bullshit.  But you've got plenty to lose 'partner'.  You've got a family.  I'm giving you a chance to see them.  I kept in touch.  She never married. All these years.  Maybe she loves you.  I wouldn't know why.
-You okay?	How do I look?
-How do I look?	Aces.
-Okay, that's all folks.  Commissioner Gallagher has to go.	Keep 'em busy.
-Sir---	Shut up!  Drop it.
-Need help?	I got it.  I got it.
-I got it.  I got it.	You sure?  I can help you.
-You sure?  I can help you.	Ah Mom, you're embarrass'n me.
-Ah Mom, you're embarrass'n me.	Nobody's looking.
-Nobody's looking.	Go in the house.
-Maybe I should put on the training whe---	Not the 'T' word.
-Not the 'T' word.	Ooops, I forgot.
-You my partner?	Officer Hector Sanchez, Sergeant. Hillside Academy.  Status G-8. Security Clearance 3.  One year Advance Technical Crime Analyst. Weapons Assistant.  FDA Junior Captain, Hollywood division---
-Officer Hector Sanchez, Sergeant. Hillside Academy.  Status G-8. Security Clearance 3.  One year Advance Technical Crime Analyst. Weapons Assistant.  FDA Junior Captain, Hollywood division---	Are you a cop?
-Are you a cop?	Yes.
-Yes.	Well, that's good enough for me.
-I drive.	Commissioner Gallagher gave me specific orders not to let you drive until you re-familiarize yourself with the process and territory.
-Commissioner Gallagher gave me specific orders not to let you drive until you re-familiarize yourself with the process and territory.	I'm ready.
-I'm ready.	But Sergeant...
-But Sergeant...	Give me a break, Sanchez.  It's like riding a bike.
-Does it drive itself, too?	You have to use the steering wheel to turn.  The pedal for gas...
-You have to use the steering wheel to turn.  The pedal for gas...	Got it.  Ejection seat?
-Got it.  Ejection seat?	Whoa.  Don't touch that.  Pursuit Mode.  Auto pilot.  Computerized steering and driving system used in high speed pursuits.  Installed Fall 2006.  Underground rumor has it they modeled it after you, sir.
-Whoa.  Don't touch that.  Pursuit Mode.  Auto pilot.  Computerized steering and driving system used in high speed pursuits.  Installed Fall 2006.  Underground rumor has it they modeled it after you, sir.	Lean year for role models.
-I have to go home, Sanchez.	Commissioner Gallagher said...  ...twenty years is a long time.
-No offense, but why'd they partner me with a rookie?	Doucet killed my partner.
-See those guys?	Technothugs.
-They're going to rob that bank.	How do you know?
-How do you know?	Some things never change.
-I'll inform dispatch.	There's no time.  There are civilians in there.  It's about to go down.
-There's no time.  There are civilians in there.  It's about to go down.	We don't know that for sure.  We'll have to wait until they move.
-We don't know that for sure.  We'll have to wait until they move.	Well, I'm sure.  You're a cop.  I'm a cop.  Let's do what cops do.
-You can't turn him off.  He's the Commissioner.	I'm not fond of television comedies.
-Wanna come?	My insurance won't cover it.
-Thanks.  Want'a bite?  McDonald's vegiroll.	Pass.
-Can I ask you something?	Yes.
-Yes.	When you're frozen, you're legally dead, right?
-Then what goes on in there?  What I mean is, what are you thinking about?	Bacon cheeseburgers.
-Bacon cheeseburgers.	Give me a break.  I'm serious. What's it like to be dead?
-Give me a break.  I'm serious. What's it like to be dead?	Trust me.  You don't want to know.
-Hey, buddy...	Relax, let technology do the work.
-NPA metamorphosis should biologically slow him down.  That's when we'll get him.	You can't catch this man with a computer.
-You can't catch this man with a computer.	How then?
-How then?	You don't follow the bodies, and you don't follow procedure.  You do it by instinct.  Think like him.  Do what has to be dane.
-Sir, I took the liberty of running a GCI scenario on a TM-1 earlier today...	GCI.  TM-1.  What language are you talking?
-GCI.  TM-1.  What language are you talking?	I also PVC'd you.  Youngest Officer promoted to Sergeant. Two CMs.  Four honor medals...
-I also PVC'd you.  Youngest Officer promoted to Sergeant. Two CMs.  Four honor medals...	Drop it.
-Why?	I was set up.
-You're saying you were put away for a crime you didn't commit?	'Bout the same time I busted Doucet I tried to nail this big-time dealer. I didn't have an ID, but I was close. Too close.  Gained the confidence of a badass named Dubbs.  He was going to turn me onto the big man.  He made me for a cop.  Mysteriously my fellow officers discovered ten pounds of heroin in my cruiser.
-'Bout the same time I busted Doucet I tried to nail this big-time dealer. I didn't have an ID, but I was close. Too close.  Gained the confidence of a badass named Dubbs.  He was going to turn me onto the big man.  He made me for a cop.  Mysteriously my fellow officers discovered ten pounds of heroin in my cruiser.	It doesn't make sense.  Who would want to do that to you?
-It doesn't make sense.  Who would want to do that to you?	Nothing makes sense when you're a cop.
-Married?	Engaged.  Plan on doing it this summer.  You still married?
-Engaged.  Plan on doing it this summer.  You still married?	Yeah.  Least I think so.  Twenty- six years this March.
-What's this place?	This is where I found Doucet twenty years ago.  Thought maybe he'd come back.
-Yeah.	Hey, Rip Van Winkle, maybe we'd better call it a night.
-She's pretty.	Thanks.
-You need anything else?	I'll be okay.
-I'll be okay.	Good night, Wade.
-Good night, Wade.	Good night.
-I'll have a cup of coffee?	Never use it.  Stuff'll kill ya.
-No.  Talk English.  Then I'll understand.	We get to peek into Doucet's brain.
-We get to peek into Doucet's brain.	Hey, I'm eating.
-Hey, I'm eating.	I'm serious, Wade.  This case is important to me.
-I'm serious, Wade.  This case is important to me.	You want to be a good detective?
-You want to be a good detective?	Yes, sir.
-Yes, sir.	Then find me some cigarettes.
-Two lousy smokes.  You're a real sport.	That cost me two weeks' pay.
-Maybe I should turn myself in.	Lighten up.  You're going to give yourself an ulcer.
-Part of Doucet's cerebellum, a portion called the vermis is under- developed.  This area rates response to outside stimuli.  Com- pare it to that of a normal law- abiding citizen.  It could be why he kills.	Great.  My partner's Marcus Welby.
-Great.  My partner's Marcus Welby.	I'm just doing it by the book. Analyze then vaporize.  Crime's a science.  Everything's analyzed.
-I'm just doing it by the book. Analyze then vaporize.  Crime's a science.  Everything's analyzed.	With all this technology you don't even have to show up for work.  Who needs cops when you've got gizmos.
-With all this technology you don't even have to show up for work.  Who needs cops when you've got gizmos.	You're just afraid to use this.  You have technophobia, Wade.  That's what you got.
-Wanna try?	No thank you, sir.  Smoking causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy.
-No thank you, sir.  Smoking causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy.	You're not pregnant, are you?
-You're not pregnant, are you?	No, sir.
-Let's roll.  We got a guy who swears his car was stolen by a suspect identical to Doucet. 0800 this morning.	What else did he get?
-What else did he get?	Wallet, cash, I.D...
-Wallet, cash, I.D...	Fire up that thing of yours and tell me all credit card trans- actions after eight o'clock.
-Kid, you ever been in a high speed chase before?	Simulated one.
-Get us some fuck'n back-up now!	Comwatch Dispatch System.  Can't assimilate voice stress.  Code priority only.
-Rip Van Winkle.	How ya feeling?
-How ya feeling?	How do I look?
-How do I look?	Not too good.
-What's this?	We're partners, aren't we?
-Sanchez...?	I'm here.
-I'm here.	You treat her nice.
-You treat her nice.	...What are you talking about...?
-...What are you talking about...?	Your girl.  Being a cop will be rough on her.
-Your girl.  Being a cop will be rough on her.	...Have you been drinking?
-...Have you been drinking?	Not yet.
-Yeah.	This should make your day.  The guy who testified against you... Dubbs... was arrested a total number of twenty- four times.
-This should make your day.  The guy who testified against you... Dubbs... was arrested a total number of twenty- four times.	So, he's got a thing for prison clothes.
-So, he's got a thing for prison clothes.	That's just it.  He never did time. Seems each arrest was botched for one reason or another.  Judge threw out the cases each time.  Either he's got a horseshoe up his ass or powerful friends.
-You okay?	Aaah... Mother of Jesus.
-Aaah... Mother of Jesus.	What is it?  Your legs?  Hands?
-What is it?  Your legs?  Hands?	Hospital food.
-What are you doing this for, Sanchez?	If you were set up, I want to find out who did it.
-I just heard.	He's got my grandson, Sanchez.
-He's got my grandson, Sanchez.	You be careful.
-You be careful.	I'm signing off.
-No.  I want to be with you.	No you don't.
-You should be in hospital.	And you should be with your family.
-Jesus, Sanchez... what do you think you're doin'?  That's flatfoot data. You're not supposed to have access to that.	This is the guy that killed my partner.
-This is the guy that killed my partner.	You startin' a fan club or some- thin'?
-You startin' a fan club or some- thin'?	Says here one of our boys brought him down.  You ever heard of a badge named Wade?
-Demolition Man.	What's it mean?
-What's it mean?	You never want to find out.
-You never want to find out.	Take a look at this.
-He had a partner.  Our own Ray Gallagher.  He tagged Wade dangerously defiant. Psychotic.  Reckless.  Seems our Commissioner didn't like him much. Busted his buns on a narcotic's violation.  Wade was sentenced to twenty-five years.	He went dirty and they made an example of him.
-He went dirty and they made an example of him.	But he was such a good cop.
-But he was such a good cop.	They always are.
-They always are.	Well I've got news for you.  This dirty cop was the only cop who could bag Doucet.
-You all right?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Seat's too high.
-Seat's too high.	My mom says I'm gonna grow.
-Yes.	My granddad was a policeman.
-I'm going to be a policeman.	What's your name?
-What's your name?	William Simpson.  I like Willy.
-William Simpson.  I like Willy.	Good to know you, Willy.
-Bye.  Thanks.	Remember, get the seat fixed.
-Hi.	Hi.
-Hi.	Haven't seen you around.  Where have you been all my life, handsome?
-Funny.  Would you like to buy me a drink?	This little thing says I can't.
-This little thing says I can't.	You could always take it off.
-You could always take it off.	It's stuck, but thanks for the offer.
-Papers.  Last Medcheck two weeks ago. A-1.  Disease free.  Guaranteed by the State.	I don't care if you've got the Good Housekeeping seal of approval... I'm not looking for company.
-Belle Dee. I'm from over the mountain.	From over the mountain --
-I'll take it.	No -- that's for me to do.
-Let's dance together -- Belle.	No, Jabez -- your place is with your wife --
-Golly, Belle, that was a good idea -- we should do that every morning.	We will --
-We'll cook 'em ourselves. You'll help me, Belle.	Of course I will.
-The people, Jabez -- the people.	The -- folks or people, what's the difference among friends?
-Hey, you! Watch out there -- you're scuffing my Brussels carpet -- Consarn them.	Jabez! Careful --
-Jabez! Careful --	Oh --  Didn't mean to talk like that in front of a lady.  Get some wine for the Squire, Belle.
-What are those people doing there? What do they want?	They're just outsiders. They want to see how fine Jabez Stone lives these days. They're waiting for your guests, too --
-Who are these people?	They are all friends of mine -- from over the mountain.  Welcome! Help yourselves to drinks! Glad you could come! Have a good time.
-Jabez -- ?	I've brought you something to keep you warm, Mrs. Stone --
-You're not resting well, are you? I know -- it's that music.  You need your sleep. Is there anything else you want?	No, thank you -- what's your name?
-No, thank you -- what's your name?	Belle --
-Belle --	Thank you, Belle --
-That's my business. -- Now, it's all right, Daniel.  What did he do?	He lied to me again.
-I see why you're here -- you knew that nobody was coming.	I didn't.
-I didn't.	You're lying.
-You're lying.	Lying to you -- Why should I?
-Lying to you -- Why should I?	You know that you're in my house.
-You know that you're in my house.	I know -- and you could show me the door. You would, too, if you weren't still hoping the guests might arrive.
-I know -- and you could show me the door. You would, too, if you weren't still hoping the guests might arrive.	You think you're so smart, Mrs. Stone. You wanted to be near Jabez. It looked like your big chance tonight, but you're wrong, you can't win him back -- not that way.
-You think you're so smart, Mrs. Stone. You wanted to be near Jabez. It looked like your big chance tonight, but you're wrong, you can't win him back -- not that way.	That's my problem, Belle.
-Hello, Colonel! Want a lift?	Well, I wouldn't mind.  But my name's Daniel Stone.
-Well, I wouldn't mind.  But my name's Daniel Stone.	All right, Daniel. Jump in.
-Gee -- that Fair --	It hasn't opened yet?
-It hasn't opened yet?	No -- but I can hardly wait -- Mister -- tell me, will there really be --  -- a man that eats fire?
-No -- but I can hardly wait -- Mister -- tell me, will there really be --  -- a man that eats fire?	Guess there will, if it says so.
-Guess there will, if it says so.	And two unpara-- unparalleled Cir-cass-ian beauties? What is that?
-And two unpara-- unparalleled Cir-cass-ian beauties? What is that?	Young man -- you got me there.
-Young man -- you got me there.	'N Daniel Webster will be there.
-'N Daniel Webster will be there.	A varied list of attractions. And which would you like to see first, Dan'l?
-A varied list of attractions. And which would you like to see first, Dan'l?	I think I'd like to begin with the fire-eater --
-I think I'd like to begin with the fire-eater --	And what about Daniel Webster?
-And what about Daniel Webster?	Well, I thought he'd come in the middle.
-Well, I thought he'd come in the middle.	And serve him right!
-Daniel! Don't ever let me catch you doing that again!	Why? It don't hurt.
-Why? It don't hurt.	It does hurt! And don't you do it again.
-Make them go faster, Mr.... ?	No, Daniel -- they are not race horses. They are good old friends of mine. I call 'em Constitution and Bill of Rights, the most dependable pair for long journeys. I've got one called Missouri Compromise, too, and then there's a Supreme Court -- fine, dignified horse, though you do have to push him now and then.
-No, Daniel -- they are not race horses. They are good old friends of mine. I call 'em Constitution and Bill of Rights, the most dependable pair for long journeys. I've got one called Missouri Compromise, too, and then there's a Supreme Court -- fine, dignified horse, though you do have to push him now and then.	Golly -- I'd like to see all your horses!
-Golly -- I'd like to see all your horses!	Maybe you can, sometime, Daniel. I'm a farmer, you know, and like to show my farm -- but the thing I'd like to show you most, you'll have to see for yourself.
-Maybe you can, sometime, Daniel. I'm a farmer, you know, and like to show my farm -- but the thing I'd like to show you most, you'll have to see for yourself.	What's that, sir?
-What's that, sir?	Well -- it's high and it's wide and it goes a long way and there is a wind blowing through it and a blue roof over it -- it's the hills up here and the rivers running south and the new States growing in the West.
-Well -- it's high and it's wide and it goes a long way and there is a wind blowing through it and a blue roof over it -- it's the hills up here and the rivers running south and the new States growing in the West.	Anybody can see that.
-Anybody can see that.	You're wrong, Mr. Stone. There are people who live and die without e'er seeing it. They can't see the country for the money in their pockets -- And some think their state's the country, or the way they live is the country, and they're willing to split the country because of that. Well, I hope you'll meet all those, when you're grown. You'll meet the fire-eaters and the Circassian beauties -- that's part of the fair, to be sure. But if we'd had to depend on them, in a permanent way, the country would have stopped at the Allegheny mountains.
-You're wrong, Mr. Stone. There are people who live and die without e'er seeing it. They can't see the country for the money in their pockets -- And some think their state's the country, or the way they live is the country, and they're willing to split the country because of that. Well, I hope you'll meet all those, when you're grown. You'll meet the fire-eaters and the Circassian beauties -- that's part of the fair, to be sure. But if we'd had to depend on them, in a permanent way, the country would have stopped at the Allegheny mountains.	But it didn't stop. I know it didn't stop. Granny told me it didn't.
-But it didn't stop. I know it didn't stop. Granny told me it didn't.	No, siree, it didn't. And it won't -- no matter what happens -- just as long as the folks at the fair believe in freedom and Union. So --  Giddyap, Constitution -- and let's keep going, Mr. Stone.
-Yes, you did, Daniel! I saw it from the window. And then to lie about it! Give me that beanshooter, Daniel!	It's mine, Ma! Pa made it for me -- and I'm not going to give it to anyone!
-It's mine, Ma! Pa made it for me -- and I'm not going to give it to anyone!	Daniel give me that beanshooter!
-Daniel give me that beanshooter!	No! No! I won't.
-No! No! I won't.	Daniel! ...  I've stood just about as much as I can bear!
-Daniel, you ought to be in bed.	No, no, I don't want to go to bed. I want to be here for the party.
-Mama!	Daniel! ... You must go to sleep.
-Daniel! ... You must go to sleep.	I don't want to be up there all alone, Mama.... I want to be with you.
-I don't want to be up there all alone, Mama.... I want to be with you.	All right, darling.
-Granny, when do we move to the new house?	Move? -- We are not going to move -- the old one is good enough for us.
-Move? -- We are not going to move -- the old one is good enough for us.	But I like the new one better.
-But I like the new one better.	That's just too bad --
-Lan's to goodness, what happened to that hen? Did you use that beanshooter again?	I did not, Grandma.
-Grandma, look at me!	I see you! Riding pretty high, ain't you? Look out you don't fall off.
-I see you! Riding pretty high, ain't you? Look out you don't fall off.	Not me!
-Howdy, Jabez.	Howdy, Hank.
-Howdy, Hank.	Kin you spare a moment for me Jabez?
-Kin you spare a moment for me Jabez?	Why, of course, Hank -- I've always got time for a neighbor. What's on your mind?
-Why, of course, Hank -- I've always got time for a neighbor. What's on your mind?	Well -- here's how it is ...Tom Sharp, Eli Higgins and a couple of others been talking to me about -- that new sort of organization -- grange they call it. What you think about it?
-Well -- here's how it is ...Tom Sharp, Eli Higgins and a couple of others been talking to me about -- that new sort of organization -- grange they call it. What you think about it?	I don't know -- don't seem much of an idea to me.
-I don't know -- don't seem much of an idea to me.	Yes, but what does a farmer do if he don't want to get roped in some more by them loan sharks?
-Yes, but what does a farmer do if he don't want to get roped in some more by them loan sharks?	Oh -- you don't have to go to Miser Stevens while I'm around.
-Oh -- you don't have to go to Miser Stevens while I'm around.	Don't I? ... Say, that's mighty white of you, Jabez.
-Don't I? ... Say, that's mighty white of you, Jabez.	Not at all, Hank ... not at all. Glad to help you.
-Not at all, Hank ... not at all. Glad to help you.	Thanks, Jabez -- I really wouldn't need very much ... if you could let me have some seed to start off with enough for spring planting ...
-Say ... about the interest ...	Now don't you worry about that. You just leave it all to me. We won't talk business now ... just bear this in mind ... I'm not the man to get rich on other people's hard luck.... No, sir... not me! ...
-Loan shark -- hey?	Too bad it didn't happen to Miser Stevens.
-Too bad it didn't happen to Miser Stevens.	Are you one of old Stevens' customers too?
-Are you one of old Stevens' customers too?	Sure am.
-Sure am.	Yes, it's the debt and the lien and the mortgage that eats up the farmer!
-Sure does. But I'll have to sleep on it a couple of nights.	That's fair enough, Jabez. Man's got a right to mull things over. We'll drive round again, week or so.
-I am just thinkin' -- now they mightn't like the idea down in Washington.	Why not! There's a bill up in Congress to give us a uniform law of bankruptcy. Daniel Webster is fighting for it right now--
-Why not! There's a bill up in Congress to give us a uniform law of bankruptcy. Daniel Webster is fighting for it right now--	Black Dan'l?
-What do you want?	Howdy, Mr. Stone. We've come round to ask you if you made up your mind to join the Grange?
-Howdy, Mr. Stone. We've come round to ask you if you made up your mind to join the Grange?	What Grange?
-What Grange?	That farmers' association -- we were talking about the other day.
-Well -- we don't mean to force you, Jabez Stone -- but -- it's only for your own good.	I'll look out for myself! ... Now go away -- leave me alone.
-Jabez -- will you join our Grange now?	Why, thank you, Tom. I was going to ask you if you thought I could.
-Why, thank you, Tom. I was going to ask you if you thought I could.	We'll be mighty glad to have you with us.
-You're not -- Dorothy.	No. She's gone.
-No. She's gone.	She couldn't be gone!
-She couldn't be gone!	But she is -- I've taken her place. Don't you remember -- you wrote me a letter. Mrs. Stone was too ill.
-Never mind. What's your name?	Belle.
-Belle.	Belle --
-Stevens!	Well, Stone -- have you got the money?
-Well, Stone -- have you got the money?	I barely managed to scrape up a bit for you. I thought if I made a kind of part payment --
-I barely managed to scrape up a bit for you. I thought if I made a kind of part payment --	No, Stone!
-No, Stone!	-- in gold.
--- in gold.	I'd like to know where you'd get it....
-I'd like to know where you'd get it....	You know -- some folks are just lucky. Others pick gold right out of the air.  Like that!
-You know -- some folks are just lucky. Others pick gold right out of the air.  Like that!	Real! Sheriff, you are a witness that this money is paid me voluntarily, and while it does not satisfy the mortgage, it has become my property.
-Real! Sheriff, you are a witness that this money is paid me voluntarily, and while it does not satisfy the mortgage, it has become my property.	Doesn't satisfy, eh? Well -- that's too bad....
-Mornin', Jabez ...	Hello, Stevens ... you're early today.
-Hello, Stevens ... you're early today.	Yes, I wanted to get here before the others.... I want to talk to you alone.
-Yes, I wanted to get here before the others.... I want to talk to you alone.	Some other time, Stevens.
-Good evening -- I'm sorry, Jabez -- I'm a little late.	No, you're not.
-No, you're not.	Where's everybody?
-Where's everybody?	I dunno -- I can't figure it out. I've invited them all. Why don't they come?
-Now run along, Daniel.	What a fine boy you have, Jabez. How old is he now?
-What a fine boy you have, Jabez. How old is he now?	Almost seven.  No -- no, he's not seven yet I am sure --
-Almost seven.  No -- no, he's not seven yet I am sure --	Well -- it seems to me -- I remember when you paid me--
-What's the matter with you?	You are afraid!
-You are afraid!	Afraid ... of what?
-Afraid ... of what?	-- of what happens after we die!
--- of what happens after we die!	Are you plumb crazy, man! What do you think happens? We're buried -- that's all.
-Are you plumb crazy, man! What do you think happens? We're buried -- that's all.	But what becomes of our souls?
-But what becomes of our souls?	Why do you fret about something that isn't there?
-Why do you fret about something that isn't there?	Don't say that -- I know it is --
-Don't say that -- I know it is --	All right -- so it's buried with you!
-All right -- so it's buried with you!	What if one hasn't a soul any more? What of that?
-What if one hasn't a soul any more? What of that?	Huh? -- What's that?  Well -- what about it? Who cares, anyhow?
-Huh? -- What's that?  Well -- what about it? Who cares, anyhow?	I do -- and I think you should too.
-I do -- and I think you should too.	Stevens -- what's all this leading up to? You know something. Come on! Out with it -- you know something about me!
-Do you deny that you called me? I've known people in other States who went back on their word. But I didn't expect it in New Hampshire.	You can't say that to me! I'm New Hampshire. If I say I called you, I did.  I guess I did.
-You can't say that to me! I'm New Hampshire. If I say I called you, I did.  I guess I did.	You've had a lot of bad luck these days. And yet -- it's all so unnecessary. When I think of your opportunities --
-You've had a lot of bad luck these days. And yet -- it's all so unnecessary. When I think of your opportunities --	Opportunities?
-Opportunities?	Of course. Why man, you have one of the richest farms in the county.  You just go about it the wrong way -- so many men do. Hard work -- well, that's all right for people who don't know how to do anything else. It's all right for people who aren't lucky -- but once you're lucky -- you don't work for other people. You make them work for you.
-Of course. Why man, you have one of the richest farms in the county.  You just go about it the wrong way -- so many men do. Hard work -- well, that's all right for people who don't know how to do anything else. It's all right for people who aren't lucky -- but once you're lucky -- you don't work for other people. You make them work for you.	Well, now, Mister, that sounds all right. But--
-Well, now, Mister, that sounds all right. But--	A clever man like yourself -- he can find money anywhere. Money to pay his bills -- money for his wife and his children -- money to be a rich man. All he needs is a friend to point it out to him.  Like that!
-Where did it come from?	Oh, you know the old story -- the Hessian wagon train that was ambushed on the way to Saratoga. Some of the gold has been buried under your barn!
-Oh, you know the old story -- the Hessian wagon train that was ambushed on the way to Saratoga. Some of the gold has been buried under your barn!	Yes, why shouldn't it?
-Yes, why shouldn't it?	Yes, of course, people forgot -- or the men who knew about it died, you know how these things happen.
-It's mine?	That's right, Mr. Stone -- there is --  -- just one little formality. I'd like your signature here -- see. And when it's done -- it's done for seven years.  It's our usual form. Of course -- we may be able to take up the question of a renewal in due time.
-That's right, Mr. Stone -- there is --  -- just one little formality. I'd like your signature here -- see. And when it's done -- it's done for seven years.  It's our usual form. Of course -- we may be able to take up the question of a renewal in due time.	What does it mean here -- about my soul?
-What does it mean here -- about my soul?	Well, why should that worry you. A soul -- a soul is nothing. Can you see it, smell it, touch it? -- No! -- Think of it -- this soul -- your soul -- a nothing, against seven whole years of good luck! You will have money and all that money can buy. Upon my word, Neighbor Stone, if it weren't for my firm's reputation for generous dealing--
-No, no! Give it to me!	A pin, Neighbor Stone! I'm afraid, you'll have to prick your finger -- but what's a little pain to a lucky man?
-Excellent. A firm, fair signature. One that will last till doomsday.  My dear Neighbor Stone, I congratulate you! You're going to be the richest man in New Hampshire!	Well, I'll be --
-Well, I'll be --	Yes, indeed. But not now. Not for seven years. Oh, I almost forgot -- what is the date?
-Yes, indeed. But not now. Not for seven years. Oh, I almost forgot -- what is the date?	The seventh day of April --
-The seventh day of April --	1840. Well, that'll take us to the seventh day of April in 1847.
-Good evening, Neighbor Stone.	Look here now--
-Look here now--	Oh come, Neighbor Stone. I wouldn't cut that tree if I were you. It means a breach of contract.
-Oh come, Neighbor Stone. I wouldn't cut that tree if I were you. It means a breach of contract.	I don't care.
-I don't care.	But you should, now that you are becoming a father.
-But you should, now that you are becoming a father.	Leave your tongue off of that!
-Leave your tongue off of that!	Oh, certainly. I shan't even come to the christening -- it would be tactless and in wretched bad taste.  But I may send a friend of mine -- just for old sake's sake. Yes, I might do that.
-Why, Mr. Stone, you look so worried. Can I be of any service?	You promised me prosperity, happiness, love, money, friendship --
-You promised me prosperity, happiness, love, money, friendship --	Just a minute, neighbor Stone. I promised you money and all that money can buy. I don't recall any other obligations. But let's look at the contract.
-.... Miser Stevens' soul, Mr. Stone. Yes -- I am sorry for the disturbance.	He ain't dead -- he's dancing in there.
-He ain't dead -- he's dancing in there.	He was --
-Are they all as -- small -- as that?	Small? Oh, I see what you mean. Why, they vary.  Now a man like Daniel Webster, if I ever get hold of him, I'd have to build a special box for him and even at that, I imagine, the wing spread would be astonishing.  In your case --
-Small? Oh, I see what you mean. Why, they vary.  Now a man like Daniel Webster, if I ever get hold of him, I'd have to build a special box for him and even at that, I imagine, the wing spread would be astonishing.  In your case --	My time isn't up yet.
-Trying to break our contract again, Mr. Stone?	I'm through with you.
-I'm through with you.	What a headstrong fellow! Well -- I guess you're quite prepared to suffer the consequences.
-What a headstrong fellow! Well -- I guess you're quite prepared to suffer the consequences.	I have still a year -- a year to make up for everything.
-I have still a year -- a year to make up for everything.	Oh no, you violated clause five of our contract and I could collect right now, if I chose.
-Oh no, you violated clause five of our contract and I could collect right now, if I chose.	Not now! Not now!  -- Let me make up -- let me make up.
-Not now! Not now!  -- Let me make up -- let me make up.	Suddenly you seem quite desperate, Mr. Stone --  -- You know I'm a good-natured man. I'm always open to reason. With a little security -- I might--
-Suddenly you seem quite desperate, Mr. Stone --  -- You know I'm a good-natured man. I'm always open to reason. With a little security -- I might--	Anything -- anything. -- You can have it all back -- that money -- the new house -- my farm -- the whole caboodle!
-Anything -- anything. -- You can have it all back -- that money -- the new house -- my farm -- the whole caboodle!	I'm afraid that's hardly the sort of security I was thinking of --  You see -- there is that promising little fellow, your son ...
-I'm afraid that's hardly the sort of security I was thinking of --  You see -- there is that promising little fellow, your son ...	No! No! No! Not him -- not my son -- I'd rather go with you -- right now.
-No! No! No! Not him -- not my son -- I'd rather go with you -- right now.	Come, come, Mr. Stone, you are a little upset. It's not fair to bargain with you now. -- I'll give you until midnight, Mr. Stone, but not one minute more. Ah, then you'll come with me indeed.
-Well now, Mr. Stone, did you make up your mind?	About what?
-About what?	Are you willing to give me your son in exchange for an extension of our contract?
-Are you willing to give me your son in exchange for an extension of our contract?	Never!
-Jabez Stone -- did you or did you not sign this document?	Yes, I did -- but you tricked me into signing it! You told me my soul was nothing ... that I could forget all about a soul, in exchange for money. That was a lie, a lie, a lie.
-Yes, I did -- but you tricked me into signing it! You told me my soul was nothing ... that I could forget all about a soul, in exchange for money. That was a lie, a lie, a lie.	That is highly irrelevant to this case, Your Honor.
-Yes -- yes, I am the richest man -- too rich. I can't think of anything but money. That's the trouble with me.	But, Mr. Stone, I am hardly to blame for the pricking of your wholly unnecessary conscience.  Is this your signature?
-But, Mr. Stone, I am hardly to blame for the pricking of your wholly unnecessary conscience.  Is this your signature?	You know darn well it is.
-You know darn well it is.	Gentlemen, the prosecution rests.
-Ten throws -- Mr. Webster?	Ten throws it is.
-You win. Will you ride to the village with me, Mr. Stone?	Thank you, Mr. Webster.
-I don't seem to be so very popular after all -- in Cross Corners.	Seems like it's my fault, Mr. Webster.
-Seems like it's my fault, Mr. Webster.	Not at all, lad -- not at all.  For a good game of horseshoes I would always sacrifice fame and acclaim.
-Here's a man who knows what's good for Dan'l Webster! Medford rum! Ah, a breath of the Promised Land!  To the champion of the Iron Horseshoe, Jabez Stone!	Thanks, Mr. Webster!  To the champion of the whole United States -- Dan'l Webster!
-Eloquent speech, Neighbor Stone -- couldn't have done better myself --  -- under the circumstances.  Thank you.	Mr. Webster -- I'd like you to meet my wife, Mary.
-Mr. Webster -- I'd like you to meet my wife, Mary.	Well -- I'll be -- if it isn't little Mary Sampson from Franklin.
-Well -- Mr. Webster! This is a great day for me. Come on in, sir. I want you to take the seat of honor and meet all my guests!	That's just fine, Neighbor Stone -- but -- I have to be pretty careful of my seats of honor -- where I sit, I mean. You see, the whole country sort of has its eye on me, Jabez -- anybody in public life has that difficulty -- even you, Jabez. They watch us carefully, our neighbors and our enemies, and they see much more than we think they do -- and understand much more. My friends all like to think that I've got the good of mankind always at heart, and I've got to make sure that those I deal with have the good of mankind always at heart, too. Do you know what I'm talking about, Jabez?
-That's just fine, Neighbor Stone -- but -- I have to be pretty careful of my seats of honor -- where I sit, I mean. You see, the whole country sort of has its eye on me, Jabez -- anybody in public life has that difficulty -- even you, Jabez. They watch us carefully, our neighbors and our enemies, and they see much more than we think they do -- and understand much more. My friends all like to think that I've got the good of mankind always at heart, and I've got to make sure that those I deal with have the good of mankind always at heart, too. Do you know what I'm talking about, Jabez?	What -- what's on your mind?
-What -- what's on your mind?	You, Jabez Stone -- you and a lot of poor farmers, hereabouts -- good men of the earth who are in trouble because of you. Or -- am I wrong about those contracts, Mr. Stone?
-You, Jabez Stone -- you and a lot of poor farmers, hereabouts -- good men of the earth who are in trouble because of you. Or -- am I wrong about those contracts, Mr. Stone?	Contracts? -- Yes, they have contracts with me -- lots of 'em -- but -- but that's all right. Without me and my money, they wouldn't have anything.
-Contracts? -- Yes, they have contracts with me -- lots of 'em -- but -- but that's all right. Without me and my money, they wouldn't have anything.	They'd have a good neighbor, Jabez -- and that's worth much more than anything else -- much, much more!
-I'm sorry you can't see that, I know you could once -- you made a little speech once, that I'll always remember and I know the others do too --  They remember and they see how you have changed. That's why they didn't want to come tonight to you, Jabez -- you're as blind as a Burma bat, with your gold pot! Mind you, it's not the money, I've been talking about, it's what you make of it.	I -- I don't know what you're talking about! I -- I haven't time to listen to all this --
-I -- I don't know what you're talking about! I -- I haven't time to listen to all this --	No -- you haven't time -- You haven't time for your mother, or your wife, or your child.
-No -- you haven't time -- You haven't time for your mother, or your wife, or your child.	It's your fault! You brought Daniel Webster here -- just to try to make a fool of me! You played the sneak behind my back -- made up all sorts of lies against me! You can get yourself out of my home -- go back to the other house -- that old place, where you belong -- I don't want to -- to talk to you again!
-It's here you said that you closed the deal with him?	Yes, Mr. Webster -- it was here where it all began.
-Yes, Mr. Webster -- it was here where it all began.	I see. And this is where he'd like to collect, too.
-I see. And this is where he'd like to collect, too.	Yes -- at midnight.
-They make plucky women in New England.  H'm ... how long have we to wait?	Not long -- now.
-Not long -- now.	Then I'll just christen the jug, with your permission, Stone. Somehow or other, waiting's wonderfully shorter with a jug.
-There's nothing like it. I saw an inchworm take a drop of it once, and he stood right up on his hind legs and bit a bee. Come -- try a nip!	There's no joy in it for me.
-There's no joy in it for me.	Oh, come, man, come. Just because you've sold your soul to the devil that needn't make you a teetotaler.
-You were worried, Jabez, weren't you?	Well, I --
-Well, I --	I know -- that was mighty queer Medford -- knew it the minute I tasted it. But it takes more than that to down Daniel Webster.
-Ma says breakfast's ready, Mr. Webster!	Breakfast ... Ah! ... Come along friends, Ma Stone's a cook this side of heaven.
-Coming along, Jabez?	Shall we?
-Why -- good morning, Squire.	Morning, Jabez.
-Ahem -- we want to have a little confidential talk with you, Neighbor Stone. Don't like to take a man away from his planting -- but sometimes --	Come right into the parlor, won't you, folks.
-Mighty good of you to come out, Squire -- sparing all this time to --  Sheriff, too -- and Schoolmaster -- mighty nice.	Ahem -- Neighbor Stone, we want--
-Oh!	Headache -- Squire?
-Headache -- Squire?	Worst I had in years -- ahem -- starting a spring cold, I guess -- er -- don't happen to have a bit of camomile tea in the house, do you, Stone?
-Worst I had in years -- ahem -- starting a spring cold, I guess -- er -- don't happen to have a bit of camomile tea in the house, do you, Stone?	Camomile tea!
-And so, Jabez Stone, in the name of the Whig Party of Cross Corners, we offer you the nomination of that party for Selectman.	Selectman? Selectman of the village? Me?
-But -- I was just lucky.	Well? Don't a politician have to be?
-Howdy, Squire! Howdy! Oh -- how do you do, Squire.	How do you do, Belle? How are you, Jabez?  Well -- mighty elegant house you got here.
-How do you do, Belle? How are you, Jabez?  Well -- mighty elegant house you got here.	You really think so?
-Well, Jabez -- I'm a little pressed for time. You wanted to discuss something -- some business --	Oh yes -- yes. Won't take a minute. Can you keep a secret?
-Oh yes -- yes. Won't take a minute. Can you keep a secret?	Why of course --
-Why of course --	Dan'l Webster is coming to my party.
-Dan'l Webster is coming to my party.	Dan'l Webster?
-Dan'l Webster?	Yes -- and that's the reason I wanted to talk with you. You got my invitation?
-Yes -- and that's the reason I wanted to talk with you. You got my invitation?	Yes.
-Yes.	Now look -- here's a list of the people I invited -- they're all the right kind of people -- or did I miss anybody?
-Now look -- here's a list of the people I invited -- they're all the right kind of people -- or did I miss anybody?	The only one you missed -- is the President.
-The only one you missed -- is the President.	You think that's a joke? I had him on there too, but I was afraid Dan'l Webster might feel insulted.
-You keep that -- that's for you. I want you to talk up the party to make sure that the best folks really come.	You want me to go around --
-You want me to go around --	"Yes  siree -- that's the idea. Get them all here and then say: ""Look, folks -- here's Daniel Webster, my guest of honor."" Golly, I can see their eyes pop already."
-"Yes  siree -- that's the idea. Get them all here and then say: ""Look, folks -- here's Daniel Webster, my guest of honor."" Golly, I can see their eyes pop already."	You mean that's all you had me come out here for?
-You mean that's all you had me come out here for?	Now, Squire, you're not going to let me down. We still want to do a lot of business together, don't we?
-Now, Squire, you're not going to let me down. We still want to do a lot of business together, don't we?	Well -- yes --
-Well -- yes --	That's fine. Now you can tell people all about the house, but don't mention Webster.
-That's fine. Now you can tell people all about the house, but don't mention Webster.	You are not so sure that he'll come.
-You are not so sure that he'll come.	Oh yes -- I am -- want to bet?
-Oh yes -- I am -- want to bet?	Why not -- ?
-Why not -- ?	How much?
-How much?	5000 -- that's just what I owe you.
-5000 -- that's just what I owe you.	Shake!
-Jabez -- help!	Coming.
-Down, Shep! Down!	He only wants you to throw the stick for him, Jabez. I guess he's feeling the spring a-coming, too.
-He only wants you to throw the stick for him, Jabez. I guess he's feeling the spring a-coming, too.	All right -- only he needn't dirty my pants!
-What is that smile on your face?  Is there anything wrong with me?	Now, Jabez! I've got on my Sunday bonnet and I'm going to church with my husband. Almost the first time since the beginning of winter -- and if that isn't an occasion, I don't know what is.
-Now, Jabez! I've got on my Sunday bonnet and I'm going to church with my husband. Almost the first time since the beginning of winter -- and if that isn't an occasion, I don't know what is.	You're right, Mary.
-I think his leg is broken.	Oh, Jabez.
-Oh, Jabez.	Yep.
-I remember Dad used to say sometimes, when they were handing out hard luck, the farmers got there first.	Jabez, don't you remember your own wedding? We said it's for better or worse. We said it's for richer or poorer.
-Jabez, don't you remember your own wedding? We said it's for better or worse. We said it's for richer or poorer.	That's what we said.
-He's stubborn as a Stone.	Hold the splint tighter -- it's almost done.  Go on reading, Ma. This man, Job, he had troubles, didn't he?
-Well, I'll be -- there's a rig, turning in, by the gate.	Who is it?
-Who is it?	It's Tom Sharp and two other fellers -- Oh, glory -- where's my pants?
-""" ... and if the final vote shall leave thousands of our fellow citizens and their families in hopeless distress, can we -- members of the Government -- go to our beds with a clear conscience, can we, without self- reproach, supplicate the Almighty Mercy to forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors?"	That's wonderful language. It would move a stone.
-That's wonderful language. It would move a stone.	If it would only move old Miser Stevens -- We've still got to pay him.
-Well -- what are we going to do?	We can still use my butter money.
-We can still use my butter money.	Your butter money?
-Your butter money?	Do you think I'm grudging it?
-Do you think I'm grudging it?	Mary -- it's gone.
-Mary -- it's gone.	Not all of it?
-Not all of it?	Yes -- I had to pay the vet in full. He just wouldn't have treated the horse this time. After all, we can't very well do without a horse.
-Yes -- I had to pay the vet in full. He just wouldn't have treated the horse this time. After all, we can't very well do without a horse.	It's all right, Jabez. We'll find something to pay Stevens.
-It's all right, Jabez. We'll find something to pay Stevens.	If the pig hadn't broke his leg, we could have taken him.
-If the pig hadn't broke his leg, we could have taken him.	Jabez! Couldn't you take a sack of seed instead?
-Jabez! Couldn't you take a sack of seed instead?	To save us work on the spring plowing?
-To save us work on the spring plowing?	You always said, the field uphill needs a rest, but if you think --
-You always said, the field uphill needs a rest, but if you think --	Mary, I'm a farmer -- always will be. To me seed isn't a thing to pay debts with, it's alive, more alive than anything -- but I guess you're right. We just got to do it. Oh -- how's it all going to end?
-Mary, I'm a farmer -- always will be. To me seed isn't a thing to pay debts with, it's alive, more alive than anything -- but I guess you're right. We just got to do it. Oh -- how's it all going to end?	Jabez -- you ought to talk to Tom about joining the Grange.
-Jabez -- you ought to talk to Tom about joining the Grange.	I will, Mary -- always thought a man could be stronger alone -- seems I've been wrong about that.
-Jabez!	Seed alone won't do, Mary. We have to throw the calf in.
-Seed alone won't do, Mary. We have to throw the calf in.	Oh Jabez! And we were counting on ...  It's a lovely calf.
-Oh Jabez! And we were counting on ...  It's a lovely calf.	You're right, Mary it's a fine calf. That's why Stevens'll take it for the rest of the payment.
-Mary--	Jabez ...
-Jabez ...	Mary -- how do you feel?
-I'll get the doctor.	No, Jabez -- all I need is some rest -- You go and pay our debt. Everything'll be all right then ... everything.
-Mary -- what would you do with a pot o' gold?	Jabez!
-Jabez!	Mary -- what would you do?
-Mary -- what would you do?	Well -- I -- I don't know -- I would pay our debts and well -- maybe get a new bonnet, but -- really -- I think I would live the same.
-Well -- I -- I don't know -- I would pay our debts and well -- maybe get a new bonnet, but -- really -- I think I would live the same.	Mary -- look! Hessian gold. I found it in the barn.
-It feels fine now, Jabez.	Will you come into town with me tomorrow?
-Will you come into town with me tomorrow?	I'd love to.
-What do you think of that, Jabez?	Looks right elegant, Mary.
-We must go on home, Jabez.	Yes, Mary.  It's been a long day.
-"Remember, Mary, how he said it: ""Couldn't have done better myself, Jabez Stone,"" and it was my first speech. I don't know what came into me, Mary. I just stood up and the words came flowing like water out of my mouth."	Oh, Jabez -- it was a wonderful day --
-But I'm glad to be home again --	Tired?
-Tired?	Worried!
-Worried!	There is nothing to worry about now.
-There is nothing to worry about now.	You'll never change -- will you?
-You'll never change -- will you?	Mary -- you just wait and see -- It's all -- just the beginning -- just the beginning -- of everything. I'll be the biggest man in New Hampshire and you'll be the wife of the biggest man.
-There's hope and promise in it, Jabez -- Planting and promise of good harvest to come.	Yes -- you are right, Mary. I can almost hear the little blades of grass a-starting up -- All the seeds a-stirring underneath the ground --
-Yes -- you are right, Mary. I can almost hear the little blades of grass a-starting up -- All the seeds a-stirring underneath the ground --	Don't take cold, Jabez.  Come -- it's warm in here.
-Mary --	Jabez --
-Mary, get three cups of camomile tea for the Squire and the rest. They all feel colds coming on.	I'll get it, Jabez.
-I'll get it, Jabez.	Thanks, Mary.
-Mary! I'm -- Selectman of Cross Corners!	Oh -- Jabez.
-You could have knocked me down with a feather -- Selectman -- me.	I'll never get my washing done.
-I'll never get my washing done.	That's one thing I want to talk to you about, Mary.
-That's one thing I want to talk to you about, Mary.	Yes, Mr. Selectman!
-Yes, Mr. Selectman!	I'm serious.
-I'm serious.	It's very becoming to you, Mr. Selectman.
-It's very becoming to you, Mr. Selectman.	But it's not very becoming to you to have your hands in the suds -- when the Squire and his wife --
-But it's not very becoming to you to have your hands in the suds -- when the Squire and his wife --	But Jabez -- the washing has to be done --
-But Jabez -- the washing has to be done --	Well -- that's the last time -- we'll have servants to do it.
-Well -- that's the last time -- we'll have servants to do it.	No, no. I don't want to be idle.
-No, no. I don't want to be idle.	And I don't want to have a washwoman for a wife.
-Jabez -- once you said we'd never change --	I wasn't used to being big -- wasn't used to thinking in big ways. Now, I've made up my mind.
-Ruined -- all the fields -- ruined.	Mary -- but look -- it didn't touch an ear of my corn -- we'll have a rich harvest.
-Mary --	Hello, Jabez --  Here's your son.
-Well -- I -- I-	Don't be cross with him, Ma. This don't happen every day.
-Potato bug sits on the leaf in the sun, Sleep, sleep, my baby -- Raccoon sits in the spruce all night, Sleep, baby, sleep --	What in sugar hill's the matter with him?
-What in sugar hill's the matter with him?	Nothing, Jabez -- just natural for a baby to cry, sometimes.  Shh, little Daniel -- sleep -- sleep --
-What happened.... Where are you taking him?	I am going to lock him up.
-I am going to lock him up.	You're not supposed to punish my son, Mary.
-Jabez -- how can you let her talk like that when the boy is present? He won't respect me any more.	Isn't that your own fault?
-Isn't that your own fault?	My fault? ... Oh, Jabez -- all I want is to be proud of him. He can be such a fine boy, if we show him how to be.
-My fault? ... Oh, Jabez -- all I want is to be proud of him. He can be such a fine boy, if we show him how to be.	He's my son and I like him the way he is. Why do you always have to pick on him? If it's not the boy it's me. You don't like the way I live -- you don't like my friends, or my new house -- or anything.
-He's my son and I like him the way he is. Why do you always have to pick on him? If it's not the boy it's me. You don't like the way I live -- you don't like my friends, or my new house -- or anything.	But Jabez, I never said that!
-But Jabez, I never said that!	It shows on your face.
-It shows on your face.	Well -- I am worried about the way you've changed. That was one thing you said you'd never do -- remember?
-Well -- I am worried about the way you've changed. That was one thing you said you'd never do -- remember?	Oh, for heaven's sake, leave me alone!
-Why don't they come --	I don't know, Jabez.
-Think this room is larger than anything Webster's got at Marshfield? You've been there. What about it, Mary?	It's -- different, Jabez -- that's all.
-It's -- different, Jabez -- that's all.	What's the matter with 'em? Why don't they come?
-Mr. Webster ... Wait! ...  Mary!	Jabez!
-Jabez!	Mary! Come back ...
-Mary! Come back ...	Oh, Jabez! ...  Did you hear, Mr. Webster? --  Now you'll help him, won't you?
-You must go now, Mary -- you must!	All right, Jabez ...
-Jabez -- Jabez!	Mary!
-"""There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God and eschewed evil."""	Consarn the consarn --
-Consarn the consarn --	Jabez! What kind of talk is that for the Sabbath? And me a-reading the holy word!
-Jabez! What kind of talk is that for the Sabbath? And me a-reading the holy word!	Sorry, Ma -- but this consar-- this little pig --  He won't let me fix him --
-You know that, son.	Hard luck -- like me.
-Hard luck -- like me.	Now, Jabez Stone -- as for what you're calling hard luck -- well, we made New England out of it. That and codfish.
-Now, Jabez Stone -- as for what you're calling hard luck -- well, we made New England out of it. That and codfish.	That's right, Ma -- we ain't licked yet. A Stone's never licked till he's dead -- that's what Dad used to say, didn't he, Ma?
-There! Guess that ought to hold good. Put him down here, by the fire, Mary.  But we don't want to get him too close -- we'll have roast pork for supper.	Not on the Sabbath you won't, Jabez!
-How'd you know to have the calf ready, Ma?	I just figgered -- knew you didn't have enough bills.
-I just figgered -- knew you didn't have enough bills.	Yes -- and you figgered right, consarn it!
-Yes -- and you figgered right, consarn it!	That's a word you're too free with lately, Jabez, consarn this and consarn that ...
-That's a word you're too free with lately, Jabez, consarn this and consarn that ...	Helps sometimes to say it.
-Helps sometimes to say it.	All right, son -- if it helps.
-What's ailing that dog?	I dunno.
-I dunno.	Well ... make him keep quiet.
-Well ... make him keep quiet.	And why should I? Let him howl if it makes him feel good.  Consarn it. He's better off than I am! I wish I could tell Him...  ... up there, just what I think.
-And why should I? Let him howl if it makes him feel good.  Consarn it. He's better off than I am! I wish I could tell Him...  ... up there, just what I think.	Hush up such talk, Jabez!
-Hush up such talk, Jabez!	I can't help it. I mean it, I tell you. I've had more than my share. Nothing ever goes right for me -- nothing!
-You found it in the barn, hey?	Yes -- I was getting the seed -- I stumbled -- I saw one of the boards warped up a bit -- and -- there it was.
-Yes -- I was getting the seed -- I stumbled -- I saw one of the boards warped up a bit -- and -- there it was.	Most outlandish thing I ever heard tell.  Don't seem right, somehow!
-Most outlandish thing I ever heard tell.  Don't seem right, somehow!	But it's true. Take 'em up in your hands, Mary -- feel 'em -- they're real all right.  Aren't you glad?
-Well -- that's comforting!  Supper.	Say, Mary, how is your shoulder?
-Well, son, I'm glad to see a Stone come up in the world again.	Now look here, Ma. I'm not a boy anymore. I want that understood. I don't aim to stay a one-horse farmer the rest of my life. Mary's got to be the kind of wife a -- a big man needs --
-It won't be the first baby ever born in this house.  There! Made me drop a stitch!  Sit down, you make me nervous!  Lan's, that's the way a man always is. Thinks his son's the most important thing in the world.	My son! Do you really think, Ma....
-My son! Do you really think, Ma....	Oh, go along with you! As if it mattered to a grandma! But p'raps you got an even chance.
-Queer sort of weather we're having -- queer like everything else.	Well, thank the Lord you can always depend on New England for weather. We've got enough for the whole United States.
-Well, thank the Lord you can always depend on New England for weather. We've got enough for the whole United States.	I feel -- fidgety, Ma -- not right at all.
-I feel -- fidgety, Ma -- not right at all.	Lan's, I'd think you was having the baby, to hear you.
-Lan's, I'd think you was having the baby, to hear you.	Me -- a son.
-Money -- money's a funny thing, ain't it, Ma?	I figure that depends a mite on how you get it and how you spend it, Son.
-I figure that depends a mite on how you get it and how you spend it, Son.	Do you really think that?
-Do you really think that?	Why, that's just sense, Son. Now a man like Daniel Webster -- guess they pay him high for what he does. But he's worth it -- and he helps others. Makes all the difference.
-Why, that's just sense, Son. Now a man like Daniel Webster -- guess they pay him high for what he does. But he's worth it -- and he helps others. Makes all the difference.	I know, Ma, but -- Suppose a man got his money in bad ways --
-I know, Ma, but -- Suppose a man got his money in bad ways --	Wouldn't profit him none.
-You see, son? I'm old and I've lived. When a man gets his money in bad ways -- when he sees the better course and takes the worse -- then the devil is in his heart -- and that fixes him.	Ma -- and yet, a man could change that, couldn't he?
-Ma -- and yet, a man could change that, couldn't he?	A man can always change things, Son. That's what makes him different from barnyard critters.
-Oh, here you are, Jabez. Lan's, I was worried about you.... Hail in August! The crops will be ruined!	It don't matter!
-It don't matter!	What's that you say, Son?
-What's that you say, Son?	I say -- it don't matter.
-I say -- it don't matter.	Now that's the way to talk, Son! I know you worked hard for that crop. But we'll make out.
-Now that's the way to talk, Son! I know you worked hard for that crop. But we'll make out.	Make out? We'll do better than that!  I never thought I'd be glad for bad luck, but I am. I never thought I'd be glad of a hail storm at harvest time, but I am! Oh, bless ye the works of the Lord in the hail and the storm and the rain!
-Ma -- is she? --	You'll be a father any minute now.
-You'll be a father any minute now.	Golly, Ma --  Consarn that music! Shouldn't a-had the harvest festival tonight.
-Golly, Ma --  Consarn that music! Shouldn't a-had the harvest festival tonight.	Fiddlesticks! She don't hear it. Got better music to listen to than that.  There -- that's what I mean.
-You go down and see what's keeping Dorothy.	Sure, Ma.
-I want you to fix these fish!	And I say she won't! I'll not have the scorn of God on this place -- with the smell of fish in it, polluting up the Sabbath!  And as for you -- let me tell you, young woman...!
-My son ... what's the matter?	Ma! ...  Where's Mary ... and little Dan'l?
-Ma! ...  Where's Mary ... and little Dan'l?	Gone with Daniel Webster -- to Marshfield, son.... You told Mary to go--
-Ma -- Ma -- it's all right, Ma!	Of course it's all right, son. You had Daniel Webster, didn't ye?  Breakfast's ready!  I've made a special surprise for Mr. Webster.
-Yep -- you can't get around that mortgage. -- I'm sorry, Jabez.	It's all right, Sheriff.
-It's all right, Sheriff.	Wish I could really do something for you. But you know Stevens. He'll throw you off your farm tomorrow if you don't pay him tonight.
-Wish I could really do something for you. But you know Stevens. He'll throw you off your farm tomorrow if you don't pay him tonight.	Let him try it.
-Let him try it.	The law is the law. Good-bye, Mary.
-Hello, Sheriff.	Hello, Jabez -- I was just talking to Stevens about a little extension on your payment.
-Hello, Jabez -- I was just talking to Stevens about a little extension on your payment.	And you didn't get it, hey? Come on, we'll have another talk with him.
-It seems such an obvious candidature to us all.	Very well, folks. I accept.
-Come in, Sheriff.	Jabez -- seems  like I've been hearing talk around. Reverend Harper thinks more Cross Corners folk oughter be in church, Sabbath morning.
-Jabez -- seems  like I've been hearing talk around. Reverend Harper thinks more Cross Corners folk oughter be in church, Sabbath morning.	Belle, give the Sheriff a cup of rum.
-You throw mighty far, Jabez -- almost into the pigsty.	Mary -- Jabez --
-Mary -- Jabez --	Coming, Ma.
-Well, I guess we won't be going to church today.	I guess we won't.
-That is -- if you don't mind changing the lesson, Ma.	Land sakes, I don't mind. I never did hold much with Job, even if he is Scripture. He took on too much to suit me. I don't want to malign the man, but he always sounded to me as if he came from Massachusetts. Yes, Mary, you go ahead and read.
-Let her be, son. She'll do all right. You better get yourself straightened out.	Yes, Jabez -- don't worry.
-I'll try hard -- I just can't take it all in.	H'm. Hessian gold. Well -- hope it'll do us more good than it did the Hessians.
-You know, Ma, why the Squire came to see Jabez?	Yes, Mrs. Slossum told me -- Lucy can't even keep a secret -- Selectman -- my son -- well, who would have thought of that?
-What a nice -- and kind girl --  Who is she --?	The new girl -- Jabez says; she is from over the mountain.
-The new girl -- Jabez says; she is from over the mountain.	What mountain?
-Mary! Ready? First bell's a-ringing!	Yes, Ma -- I'm ready --
-She'll do nothing of the kind! She's going to church with me, right away!	Jabez -- for the good of your soul ... please come with us.
-Fox hunting -- a Stone going fox hunting on a week day -- and the earth crying out for the touch of him!	Now, Ma -- You just try to set an example for me, and keep hold of yourself.
-Now, Ma -- You just try to set an example for me, and keep hold of yourself.	Me? Why, look here, Mary Stone -- I'm worried about you, that's all.
-Me? Why, look here, Mary Stone -- I'm worried about you, that's all.	Worried about me! Well, you just stop it!
-Worried about me! Well, you just stop it!	What's that?
-What's that?	I said you should stop worrying because I've made up my mind!
-So you've made up your mind to go to the party.	You aren't angry with me?
-You aren't angry with me?	Ah, fiddlesticks -- you are old enough to know what you are doing.
-Be sure to let me know if Daniel is over there.	I won't forget.
-What are you looking for, Colonel?  What's your name?	Martin Van Buren Aldrich and my Pa's the only Democrat in Cross Corners. He said you had horns and a tall, Mr. Webster, but I ain't seen 'em yet.
-Martin Van Buren Aldrich and my Pa's the only Democrat in Cross Corners. He said you had horns and a tall, Mr. Webster, but I ain't seen 'em yet.	Well, Martin, I only wear them in Washington -- that's the trouble. But if you ever come down there, I'll show them to you.
-Well, Martin, I only wear them in Washington -- that's the trouble. But if you ever come down there, I'll show them to you.	Gee, would you, Mr. Webster? Honest?
-Gee, would you, Mr. Webster? Honest?	Of course. And you tell your father for me -- we may be on opposite sides of the fence, but I'm always glad to hear of a man who holds to his own opinions. As long as people do that -- the country's all right. Do you understand, Martin?
-Of course. And you tell your father for me -- we may be on opposite sides of the fence, but I'm always glad to hear of a man who holds to his own opinions. As long as people do that -- the country's all right. Do you understand, Martin?	Yes, sir -- I guess I do -- Gee --
-It is.	You've got a smart man, Mrs. Stone. Hang onto him.
-You've got a smart man, Mrs. Stone. Hang onto him.	-- I'm going to try, Mr. Webster.
-Well Mary, it's too bad I didn't know -- I would have given you a real dinner, but with my wife being in Washington -- Have another piece of pie --	No, really, thank you. -- Is Mrs. Webster coming back soon?
-No, really, thank you. -- Is Mrs. Webster coming back soon?	Well -- she hardly ever comes here -- she's not the type of woman who cares to live in the country. Yes -- I'm all on my own -- sometimes it makes you feel a little lonely --  Do you mind if I indulge?
-Well -- she hardly ever comes here -- she's not the type of woman who cares to live in the country. Yes -- I'm all on my own -- sometimes it makes you feel a little lonely --  Do you mind if I indulge?	Of course not --
-Of course not --	No, you wouldn't -- You're not the sort of woman that's afraid of smoke -- or fire -- But now let's talk about your affairs.
-No, you wouldn't -- You're not the sort of woman that's afraid of smoke -- or fire -- But now let's talk about your affairs.	Goodness, Mr. Webster, I've done nothing but talk about that all through dinner.
-Goodness, Mr. Webster, I've done nothing but talk about that all through dinner.	Yes, you've chatted a lot, woman-like nibbling around the edge -- But, Mary, forgive an old lawyer's legal mind, I don't think you ever once came to the point. And there is a point, isn't there?
-Yes, you've chatted a lot, woman-like nibbling around the edge -- But, Mary, forgive an old lawyer's legal mind, I don't think you ever once came to the point. And there is a point, isn't there?	Why -- yes -- it's hard to put it into words, Mr. Webster. There's this matter of little Daniel's schooling and the new house -- and well -- there's something else that's wrong -- it gets worse, year after year -- it's like a shadow growing -- I can't really talk about it, even to Ma -- she puts it all on Jabez and I won't stand for that.
-Why -- yes -- it's hard to put it into words, Mr. Webster. There's this matter of little Daniel's schooling and the new house -- and well -- there's something else that's wrong -- it gets worse, year after year -- it's like a shadow growing -- I can't really talk about it, even to Ma -- she puts it all on Jabez and I won't stand for that.	I've heard some odd things about Jabez lately -- he seems to make the wrong kind of name for himself.
-I've heard some odd things about Jabez lately -- he seems to make the wrong kind of name for himself.	Mr. Webster, you mustn't believe all that people say.
-Mr. Webster, you mustn't believe all that people say.	You don't have to defend him to me, Mary -- I've been called names myself.
-You don't have to defend him to me, Mary -- I've been called names myself.	You see, I don't care if we are rich or poor -- I don't care if we're big or small, all I care about is Jabez. He was the first man I loved. He never used to care about money -- we were poor as Job's turkey, but none of us minded. Now I've seen him drive the poor from the door, and we used to be poor ourselves. I've seen him get hard and mean, and he isn't hard or mean. I've heard him mock at the church bells -- the bells that rang for our wedding. That's not like him, Mr. Webster -- It must be my fault somehow -- my fault.
-You see, I don't care if we are rich or poor -- I don't care if we're big or small, all I care about is Jabez. He was the first man I loved. He never used to care about money -- we were poor as Job's turkey, but none of us minded. Now I've seen him drive the poor from the door, and we used to be poor ourselves. I've seen him get hard and mean, and he isn't hard or mean. I've heard him mock at the church bells -- the bells that rang for our wedding. That's not like him, Mr. Webster -- It must be my fault somehow -- my fault.	Mary -- you've talked to me as you might have talked to your father and I believe he wants me to help you a little. You see, sometimes we think we're licked in this life -- but we weren't put here to be licked. Don't you believe it. Sometimes the shadows seem to get hold of us -- the shadows and the evil -- but it is still up to us to fight. Now I was thinking before you came, of coming over to Cross Corners end of the month, to get acquainted with my Godson -- and other things.
-Mary -- you've talked to me as you might have talked to your father and I believe he wants me to help you a little. You see, sometimes we think we're licked in this life -- but we weren't put here to be licked. Don't you believe it. Sometimes the shadows seem to get hold of us -- the shadows and the evil -- but it is still up to us to fight. Now I was thinking before you came, of coming over to Cross Corners end of the month, to get acquainted with my Godson -- and other things.	Oh, could you, Mr. Webster ?
-Oh, could you, Mr. Webster ?	And now come on, Mary. I want to show you the all-fired biggest parsnips in the whole United States, raised right here in Marshfield -- of course!
-Oh -- Mr. Webster -- I'm so glad you came!	Are you, Mary?  Well, I guess I'm glad myself -- seeing as how you feel this way.  Party seems to be quite a success.  Lots of guests, anyhow.
-Jabez ...	Mary -- what love and trust could do for your husband, you've done. And frankly, in a very few moments, this is going to be no place for a lady.
-Mary -- what love and trust could do for your husband, you've done. And frankly, in a very few moments, this is going to be no place for a lady.	Mr. Webster -- you will help him?
-Mr. Webster -- you will help him?	I'll do my best, Mary.
-There is nothing like a good old country breakfast. Where's Ma?	She'll be here in a moment. She has a special surprise for you.
-Hey there, Dan'l! Black Dan'l!	Hullooo!
-Hullooo!	Someone to see you, Dan'l!
-Someone to see you, Dan'l!	If it's the British Minister, take him around to the pantry and give him some Madeira --
-If it's the British Minister, take him around to the pantry and give him some Madeira --	Just someone from New Hampshire!
-Just someone from New Hampshire!	Why, that's different!  Well, boys, I guess we'll knock off. I've got to see a friend.
-It's only a short drive, Mr. Webster.	Oh -- it's you again. What do you want?
-Oh -- it's you again. What do you want?	With the presidential election coming up, I thought I could be of some help, sir.
-With the presidential election coming up, I thought I could be of some help, sir.	I'd rather see you on the side of the opposition.
-I'd rather see you on the side of the opposition.	I'll be there, too!
-Say, that's pretty good, young man.	Pretty good -- that's perfect!
-Mr. Webster, I presume?	Attorney of record for Jabez Stone. Might I ask your name?
-Attorney of record for Jabez Stone. Might I ask your name?	Scratch will do for the evening. May I -- join you?
-Why, certainly -- but be careful, Mr. Scratch -- Medford rum has an uncanny habit of kicking back, even with old-timers like yourself.	It even kicked back -- once at you, didn't it?
-It even kicked back -- once at you, didn't it?	Me?
-Me?	Oh ..  not that you ever get drunk! No, indeed! But a kind of overpowering lassitude or, more plainly, a deep and enveloping sleep.
-Oh ..  not that you ever get drunk! No, indeed! But a kind of overpowering lassitude or, more plainly, a deep and enveloping sleep.	There isn't enough Medford rum in the whole of New Hampshire to make me sleepy.
-There isn't enough Medford rum in the whole of New Hampshire to make me sleepy.	Talk has never proved that question, Mr. Webster!  Cup for cup -- what do you say?
-Talk has never proved that question, Mr. Webster!  Cup for cup -- what do you say?	Cup for cup!
-Your spirited efforts on behalf of your clients do you credit, Mr. Webster -- If you have no more arguments to adduce I'll take him along now.	Not so fast, Mr. Scratch. Produce your evidence -- if you have it.
-Not so fast, Mr. Scratch. Produce your evidence -- if you have it.	There, Mr. Webster.  All open and above-board and in due and legal form.
-There, Mr. Webster.  All open and above-board and in due and legal form.	H'm. This appears -- I say appears -- to be properly drawn. But you shall not have this man! A man isn't property! Mr. Stone is an American citizen, and no American citizen may be forced into the service of a foreign prince.
-H'm. This appears -- I say appears -- to be properly drawn. But you shall not have this man! A man isn't property! Mr. Stone is an American citizen, and no American citizen may be forced into the service of a foreign prince.	Foreign? And who calls me a foreigner?
-Foreign? And who calls me a foreigner?	Well, I never heard the dev-- of your claiming American citizenship.
-Well, I never heard the dev-- of your claiming American citizenship.	And who with better right? When the first wrong was done to the first Indian, I was there. When the first slaver put out for the Congo, I stood on the deck. Am I not spoken of, still, in every church in New England? 'Tis true, the North claims me for a Southerner, and the South for a Northerner, but I am neither. To tell the truth, Mr. Webster, though I don't like to boast of it, my name is older in the country than yours.
-And who with better right? When the first wrong was done to the first Indian, I was there. When the first slaver put out for the Congo, I stood on the deck. Am I not spoken of, still, in every church in New England? 'Tis true, the North claims me for a Southerner, and the South for a Northerner, but I am neither. To tell the truth, Mr. Webster, though I don't like to boast of it, my name is older in the country than yours.	Then I stand on the Constitution! I demand a trial for my client.
-Then I stand on the Constitution! I demand a trial for my client.	You mean -- a jury trial?
-You mean -- a jury trial?	I do! If I can't win this case with a jury, you shall have me, too. If two New Hampshire men aren't a match for the devil, we'd better give this country back to the Indians.
-I do! If I can't win this case with a jury, you shall have me, too. If two New Hampshire men aren't a match for the devil, we'd better give this country back to the Indians.	Very well. -- You shall have your trial, Mr. Webster. The case is hardly one for an ordinary jury --
-Very well. -- You shall have your trial, Mr. Webster. The case is hardly one for an ordinary jury --	Let it be the quick or the dead -- So it is an American judge and an American jury!
-Let it be the quick or the dead -- So it is an American judge and an American jury!	The quick or the dead! You have said it.  May -- the best man win, Mr. Webster!
-The quick or the dead! You have said it.  May -- the best man win, Mr. Webster!	I'll drink to that, Mr. Scratch!
-Your Honor -- gentlemen of the jury -- this case need not detain us long. It concerns one thing alone -- the transference, barter and sale of a certain piece of property, to wit, his soul by Jabez Stone. That transference, barter or sale is attested by a deed. I offer that deed in evidence and mark it Exhibit A.	I object.
-My congratulations -- as between two gentlemen.	Why, you long-barreled, slab-sided, lantern- jawed, note-shaving crook, be off with you ...
-I wanted to give it all to the church.	My money? Why, Mister Stevens? What a quaint idea. Come over to the door. I want to speak to you privately. Stop throwing away that money. We mustn't let people see any softness in you, Mister Stevens.... People take advantage of softness, you know. Come out of there -- I'll give you an extension if you'll forget this stupid repentance idea.
-My money? Why, Mister Stevens? What a quaint idea. Come over to the door. I want to speak to you privately. Stop throwing away that money. We mustn't let people see any softness in you, Mister Stevens.... People take advantage of softness, you know. Come out of there -- I'll give you an extension if you'll forget this stupid repentance idea.	That isn't it. It's ... the loneliness, Mr. Scratch ... the loneliness!
-That isn't it. It's ... the loneliness, Mr. Scratch ... the loneliness!	The loneliness? Lonely with all your gold, Mister Stevens? That hardly makes sense.
-The loneliness? Lonely with all your gold, Mister Stevens? That hardly makes sense.	I want someone to talk to ...
-I want someone to talk to ...	You can talk to me ...
-You can talk to me ...	No, no ...  I want to talk to men ... to people in Cross Corners ...to my neighbors ...
-No, no ...  I want to talk to men ... to people in Cross Corners ...to my neighbors ...	Why don't you?
-Why don't you?	I can't be honest with them.
-I can't be honest with them.	Oh, that's what you want -- well, you can be perfectly honest with Jabez Stone -- now.
-I'm John McClane.	Argyle.  I'm your limo driver.  Hey, nice bag.
-Argyle.  Don't you take this stuff?	Do I?  I'm sorry.  You're gonna have to help me, man.  This is my first time driving a limo.
-Do I?  I'm sorry.  You're gonna have to help me, man.  This is my first time driving a limo.	That's okay.  This is my first time riding in one.
-If your friend is hot to trot...I know a couple of mama bears.  ...Or is he married?	Married.
-The girl was off today.  Hey, I didn't expect you to sit up front.  So, your lady live out here?	The past six months.
-The past six months.	Meanwhile, you still live in New York?
-Meanwhile, you still live in New York?	You're nosey, you know that, Argyle?
-You're nosey, you know that, Argyle?	Hey, I'm sorry.  When I was a cabdriver, see, people expected a little chit chat, a little eccentricity and comaraderie, I forgot how stuck up you limo guys were, so excuse me.
-Hey, I'm sorry.  When I was a cabdriver, see, people expected a little chit chat, a little eccentricity and comaraderie, I forgot how stuck up you limo guys were, so excuse me.	It's okay, it's okay.
-It's okay, it's okay.	So, you divorced of what?
-She had a good job, it turned into a great career.	But meant her moving here.
-But meant her moving here.	Closer to Japan.  You're fast.
-Closer to Japan.  You're fast.	So, why didn't you come?
-So, why didn't you come?	'Cause I'm a New York cop who used to be a New York kid, and I got six months backlog of New York scumbags I'm still trying to put behind bars. I don't just get up and move.
-'Cause I'm a New York cop who used to be a New York kid, and I got six months backlog of New York scumbags I'm still trying to put behind bars. I don't just get up and move.	You mean you thought she wouldn't make it out here and she'd come crawling on back, so why bother to pack?
-Like I said, Argyle...you're fast.	Mind if I play some tunes?
-How 'bout some Christmas music?	That is Christmas music.
-So, you go on upstairs to the party, your lady sees you, you run into each other's arms.  Music comes up, you live happily ever after, that it?	It's corny, but I could live with it.
-It's corny, but I could live with it.	What is it don't work out that way? Where you gonna stay?
-What is it don't work out that way? Where you gonna stay?	I'll find someplace.
-You're all right, Argyle.	Just remember that when you sign for the tip.  They're paying for it, so don't be shy.
-I'm Special Agent Johnson of the FBI. This is Agent Johnson...no relation.	Dwayne Robinson, LAPD.  I'm in charge here.
-Dwayne Robinson, LAPD.  I'm in charge here.	Not any more.
-One of yours?	No, sir.
-No, sir.	If he's not a terrorist, and he's not a hostage...he's just not part of the equation.
--- ten blocks?  Are you crazy?  It's Christmas Eve, thousands of people -- the Mayor'll scream bloody murder --	We must shut down the building.  Go wider --!
-What's happening?	They don't look happy...something's gone wrong.
-They don't look happy...something's gone wrong.	The police...?
-The police...?	John.
-John.	John?  Christ, he could fuck this whole thing up...what does he think he's doing?
-John?  Christ, he could fuck this whole thing up...what does he think he's doing?	How about his job?
-How about his job?	His 'job' is 3000 miles away.  Without him, they might let us go...at least we have a chance...
-His 'job' is 3000 miles away.  Without him, they might let us go...at least we have a chance...	Tell that to Mr. Takagi.
-Where are you going?	I'm tired of sitting here waiting to see who gets us killed first... them...or your husband.  Hi there.
-I'm tired of sitting here waiting to see who gets us killed first... them...or your husband.  Hi there.	What are you going to do?
-What are you going to do?	Hey, I negotiate million dollar deals for breakfast.  I can handle these clowns.  I want to talk to Hans.  Hans! Sprickenzie talk?
-John, they're giving me a few minutes to try and talk some sense into you. I know you think you're doing your job, and I can appreciate that, but you're just dragging this thing out. None of us gets out of here until these people can negotiate with the LA police, and they're just not gonna start doing that until you stop messing up the works.	Ellis, what have you told them?
-Ellis, what have you told them?	I told them we're old friends and you were my guest at the party.
-Ellis...you shouldn't be doing this...	Tell me about it.
-John, I think you could get with the program a little.  The police are here now.  It's their problem. Tell these guys where the detonators are so no one else gets hurt.  Hey, I'm putting my life on the line for you buddy...	Don't you think I know that!  Put Hans on!  Hans, listen to me, that shithead doesn't know what kind of scum you are, but I do --
-What am I, a method actor?  Hans, babe, put away the gun.  This is radio, not television...	That asshole's not my friend! I barely know him!  I hate his fucking guts --  -- Ellis, for Christ's sake, tell him you don't mean shit to me --
-That asshole's not my friend! I barely know him!  I hate his fucking guts --  -- Ellis, for Christ's sake, tell him you don't mean shit to me --	John, how can you say that, after all these years--?  John?  John?
-Hope I'm not interrupting...?	What does he want?
-You're very perceptive.	Hey, I read the papers, I watch 60 minutes, I say to myself, these guys are professionals, they're motivated, they're happening. They want something.  Now, personally, I don't care about your politics. Maybe you're pissed at the Camel Jockeys, maybe it's the Hebes, Northern Ireland, that's none of my business.  I figure, You're here to negotiate, am I right?
-Hey, I read the papers, I watch 60 minutes, I say to myself, these guys are professionals, they're motivated, they're happening. They want something.  Now, personally, I don't care about your politics. Maybe you're pissed at the Camel Jockeys, maybe it's the Hebes, Northern Ireland, that's none of my business.  I figure, You're here to negotiate, am I right?	You're amazing.  You figured this all out already?
-You're amazing.  You figured this all out already?	Hey, business is business.  You use a gun, I use a fountain pen, what's the difference?  To put it in my terms, you're here on a hostile takeover and you grab us for some greenmail but you didn't expect a poison pill was gonna be running around the building.  Hans, baby...I'm your white knight.
-Hey, business is business.  You use a gun, I use a fountain pen, what's the difference?  To put it in my terms, you're here on a hostile takeover and you grab us for some greenmail but you didn't expect a poison pill was gonna be running around the building.  Hans, baby...I'm your white knight.	I must have missed 60 Minutes.  What are you saying?
-I must have missed 60 Minutes.  What are you saying?	The guy upstairs who's fucking things up?  I can give him to you.
-Nothing...	See to Heinrich...  Now...you can break the code key...?
-I know what you are feeling.  But this is not productive --	He was my only brother...my only family!  I want blood for my blood.  We search...now.
-"No.  Heinrich's team must finish planting the detonators...and Theo needs time on the vault.  After the			* police come they'll waste hours trying to negotiate...that's when we search			* for this man.  Until then...we do not alter the plan."	"And if he alters it...?						*"
-Hans, he killed by brother --	Karl, I know you want him, but the police are probably on their way. Maybe we can convince them it was all a mistake, but not if they hear gunshots! If you lock him in he'll be neutralized -- now do it!  Karl?  Karl!
-He wasn't lying about Marco:  He's thirty stories down on the street. The other man is Heinrich, and I found his body upstairs.  And his bag is missing.	He had the detonators!  Theo?  Theo!
--- you wouldn't let me kill him when I had the chance --	If you'd listened to me he would be neutralized already!
-If you'd listened to me he would be neutralized already!	I don't want neutral...I want dead --
-'Asian Dawn Movement?'	I read about them in Time magazine.  When these Revolutionary Brothers and Sisters are Free, the hostages in this building will be taken to the roof and they will accompany us in helicopters to the Los Angeles International Airport where you will be given further instructions.  You have two hours to comply.
-It's beautiful.  I always enjoyed models as a boy.  The exactness, the attention to every foreseeable detail... perfection.	This is what this is about?  Out building project in Indonesia? Contrary to what you people think, we're going to develop that region... not 'exploit' it.
-Yes...I know about them.  The code key is a necessary step in accessing the vault.	You want...money?  What kind of terrorists are you?
-You want...money?  What kind of terrorists are you?	Who said we were terrorists?
-The code key, please...?	It's useless to you!  There's seven safeguards on our vault, and the code key is only one of them!  You'll never get it open!
-I don't know it!  get on a Goddamn jet to Tokyo and ask the chairman! I'm telling you!  You're just going to have to kill me --	Okay.
-Bad for your health anyway.	Who are you, then?
-Who are you, then?	Just the fly in the ointment, Hans. The monkey in the wrench, the pain in the ass -
-Mr. Mystery Guest.  Are you still there?	I wouldn't think of leaving, Hans. Unless you want to open the front door...?
-I wouldn't think of leaving, Hans. Unless you want to open the front door...?	I'm afraid not.  But you have me at a loss -- you know my name, but who are you?  Just another American who saw too many movies as a child.  Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne...Rambo... Marshal Dillion.
-I'm afraid not.  But you have me at a loss -- you know my name, but who are you?  Just another American who saw too many movies as a child.  Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne...Rambo... Marshal Dillion.	Actually, I was always partial to Roy Rogers.  I really dug those sequined shirts.
-Actually, I was always partial to Roy Rogers.  I really dug those sequined shirts.	Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?
-Hear that?  Talk to me, where are my detonators.  Where are they or shall I shoot another one?  Sooner or later...  ...I might get to someone you do care about.	Go fuck yourself.
---ohGodplease -- don't kill me -- don't kill me -- you're one of them, I know it --	Whoa, whoa, easy man.  I won't hurt you.  Who are you?  What are you looking for?
-You...you're an American?	Only if New Jersey counts.
-You...you don't work for Nakatomi... and if you're not one of them...	I'm a cop from New York.
-I'm a cop from New York.	New York...
-New York...	They invited me to the Xmas party. Who knew?
-Better than being caught with your pants down, right?  John McClane.	William Clay.  Call me Bill.
-Bill, you know how to use a handgun?	One weekend I went to a combat ranch...  You know, that game with the, the guns that shoot red paint?  Must sound pretty silly to you...
-One weekend I went to a combat ranch...  You know, that game with the, the guns that shoot red paint?  Must sound pretty silly to you...	Sounds better than nothing.
-Hans.  Your Hans.	Put it down now.
-Put it down now.	That was tricky, with the accent. I bet you do a great Ed Sullivan. Why do you need the detonators, Hans? I already used the explosives.
-That was tricky, with the accent. I bet you do a great Ed Sullivan. Why do you need the detonators, Hans? I already used the explosives.	I'm going to count to three...
-I'm going to count to three...	Yeah.  Like you did with Takagi.
-Nein, dies ein ist mein.  This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.	That was Gary Cooper, shithead...
-That was Gary Cooper, shithead...	No more jokes, drop it or she gets it between the eyes!
-No more jokes, drop it or she gets it between the eyes!	Whoa, Hans, now you're the cowboy?
-Whoa, Hans, now you're the cowboy?	'Yippe-ki-yea, mother fucker'?  Now you are fucked.
-Then there's no reason not to tell it to us.	I told you...
-How long?	Thirty minutes to break the code... Two hours for the five mechanicals. The seventh lock...that's out of my hands.
-Thirty minutes to break the code... Two hours for the five mechanicals. The seventh lock...that's out of my hands.	If out plan works...the FBI will get rid of it for us.
-Yo!	We may have some problems.  How is your schedule?
-Three down, four to go --	Then don't waste time talking to me.
-"You better heat up that miracle				* you were talking about.  We broke through on Number Six, and the Electromagentic came down like a sledgehammer..."	* Well have a look at what our friends outside are doing and I'll be right up.
-...the circuits that cannot be cut... are cut automatically in reponse to a terrorist incident...You ask for miracles, Theo...I give you the FBI...	When you're hot, you're hot.
-Encourage them to be bolder.	The only thing left for them is the City Grid...  ...They may not do it.
-I...have a request.	Oh?  What idiot put you in charge?
-Oh?  What idiot put you in charge?	You did.  You murdered by Boss.  Now...  They're looking to me.  Personally I'd pass on the jab.  I don't enjoy being this close to you.
-Go on.	We have a pregnant woman out there --  -- relax, she's not due for two weeks, but a marble floor isn't doing her back any good.  I'd like permission for her to more to one of the offices where there's a sofa.
-We have a pregnant woman out there --  -- relax, she's not due for two weeks, but a marble floor isn't doing her back any good.  I'd like permission for her to more to one of the offices where there's a sofa.	No.  But I'll have a sofa brought out to you.  Good enough?
-No.  But I'll have a sofa brought out to you.  Good enough?	Good enough.  And unless you like is messy, you'd better start taking us in groups to the bathroom.
-Good enough.  And unless you like is messy, you'd better start taking us in groups to the bathroom.	Yes, you're right.  It will be done.
-Mr. Takagi chose his people well, Mrs...?	Gennero.  Miss Gennero.
-After all your posturing, all your speeches...you're nothing but a common thief.	I'm an exceptional thief, Mrs. McClane. And now that I'm moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite.
-Nice, but one of us is three hours out of sync.  I think it's me.  Is there a place I can wash up?	Sure.  Follow me.
-What are you doing?	It's a long story.  You know, I think that Ellis has his eye on you.
-It's a long story.  You know, I think that Ellis has his eye on you.	That's okay...  ... I have an eye on his private bathroom.
-Well, Cappy Roberts retired out here a couple years ago.  He said I could bunk with him.	Oh...Where does he live?
-Oh...Where does he live?	Ramona...no, Pomona, that's it.
-Ramona...no, Pomona, that's it.	Pomona!  You'll be in the car the whole time...Look, let's make this easy.  I have a spare bedroom.  It's not huge, but the kids would love to have you at the house.
-They would, huh?	I would too. * They lock eyes for a moment, but it's an intense moment that says a lot about how they still feel about each other.
-"...I've missed you.						*"	Especially my name.  You must miss it every time you write a check.  When did you start calling yourself 'Ms. Gennero'?
-Especially my name.  You must miss it every time you write a check.  When did you start calling yourself 'Ms. Gennero'?	This is a Japanese company, you know? They figure a married woman, she's on the way out the door...
-This is a Japanese company, you know? They figure a married woman, she's on the way out the door...	Sure.  It's unnerving.  I remember this one particular married woman, she went out the door so fast there was practically a jetwash...I mean, talk about your wind chill factor...
-Sure.  It's unnerving.  I remember this one particular married woman, she went out the door so fast there was practically a jetwash...I mean, talk about your wind chill factor...	Didn't we have this same conversation in July?  Damn it, John, there was an opportunity out here -- I had to take it --
-Didn't we have this same conversation in July?  Damn it, John, there was an opportunity out here -- I had to take it --	No matter what it did to our marriage -- ?
-No matter what it did to our marriage -- ?	My job and my title and my salary did nothing to our marriage except change your idea of what it should be.
-My job and my title and my salary did nothing to our marriage except change your idea of what it should be.	Oh, here it comes.  One of those 'meaningful relationship conversations.' I never should've let you get those magazine subscriptions --
-Oh, here it comes.  One of those 'meaningful relationship conversations.' I never should've let you get those magazine subscriptions --	You want to know my idea of a marriage? It's a partnership where people help each other over the rough spots -- console each other when there's a down...and when there's an up, well, hell, a little Goddamn applause or an attaboy wouldn't be too bad.  I needed that, John.  I deserved that.
-I'll be a few minutes.  Wait here --	Don't I always?
-John!	Holly, we have to stop meeting like this.  So that's what it was.  A fucking robbery.  So why nuke the building, Hans?
-Excuse me, I'm looking for --	Holly Gennero?
-Holly Gennero?	Yeah.  How'd you know?
-Yeah.  How'd you know?	"I've spent half my life on airplanes,			* I can recognize someone who just got off one.  I'm Joe Takagi, Mr. McClane.  I have ...something to do with this company."
-"I've spent half my life on airplanes,			* I can recognize someone who just got off one.  I'm Joe Takagi, Mr. McClane.  I have ...something to do with this company."	So I've heard.
-Relax, Ellis.  I'm off duty.	Can I get you anything?  Food?  Cake? Watered down champagne punch?
-Can I get you anything?  Food?  Cake? Watered down champagne punch?	I'm fine.  You throw quite a party.  I didn't know they had Christmas in Japan.
-I'm fine.  You throw quite a party.  I didn't know they had Christmas in Japan.	Hey, we're flexible.  Pearl Harbor didn't work out, we got you with tape decks.
-You wife's made for this business. She know how to drive a hard bargain.	Yeah.  I remember our first date.
-How do you know?	I've seen enough phoney ID's in my time to recognize that the ones they've got cost a fortune.  Add all that up and I don't know what the fuck it means, but these are bad ass preps and they're here to stay.
-I hear you...  Partner.  And LA's finest are on it, so light 'em if you got 'em.	I'm ahead of you...partner.
-I'm ahead of you...partner.	Uh, what do I call you?
-'Roy'.	Got it...'Roy'.  Now listen.  If you think of anything else you think we need to know, don't be shy, okay? In the meantime I want you to find a safe place and hole-up and let us do our job.  Understand?
-Got it...'Roy'.  Now listen.  If you think of anything else you think we need to know, don't be shy, okay? In the meantime I want you to find a safe place and hole-up and let us do our job.  Understand?	They're all yours, Al.  Good luck.
-I'm here, Roy, but I'm, uh, kind of busy.  Let's talk later, okay?	Al, what's wrong?  Did something --  -- Oh, God.  You're coming in!  That's it, isn't it?  Christ, Powell, I told you what you're dealing with here --
-Al, what's wrong?  Did something --  -- Oh, God.  You're coming in!  That's it, isn't it?  Christ, Powell, I told you what you're dealing with here --	I said we'll talk later, Roy.  If you're what I think you are you should know when to listen, when to shut up... and when to pray.
-Safe and sound, thanks to you. What the fuck was that?	The plastique I found.  Is the building on fire?
-The plastique I found.  Is the building on fire?	No, but it's gonna need one hell of a paint job and a shitload of screen doors.  One spotters say you got two with that blast.
-No, but it's gonna need one hell of a paint job and a shitload of screen doors.  One spotters say you got two with that blast.	Two?  Are you sure?
-Hey, I love you.  So do a lot of the guys.  So hang in there, man.  Hang in there.	Thanks...partner.
-Yeah, just trying to handle some year old twinkies.  Yucck.  What do they put in these things?	'Sugar, enriched flour, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, polysorbate 60 and yellow dye #5.'
-'Sugar, enriched flour, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, polysorbate 60 and yellow dye #5.'	You sound like a man with a couple of kids.
-You sound like a man with a couple of kids.	Not yet, the wife in working on our first.  You got any kids back on the ranch?
-Two.  And I'd sure like to see them swinging on the jungle gym with Al junior.	It's a date.  You buy the ice cream.
-Al?  Al, you there?	I'm here, cowboy.
-I'm here, cowboy.	Speaking of cows, did you ever hear so much bullshit in your life? Two hours?  That doesn't even make any sense --
-Speaking of cows, did you ever hear so much bullshit in your life? Two hours?  That doesn't even make any sense --	Don't tell me, partner.  I'm just a desk jockey who was on the way home when you rang.
-Don't tell me, partner.  I'm just a desk jockey who was on the way home when you rang.	The way you drove that car, I figured you for the streets.
-The way you drove that car, I figured you for the streets.	In my youth, partner.  In my youth.
-Roy?  You still with us?	Yeah.  But all things being equal, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.  By the way, chalk up two more terrorists.
-Yeah.  But all things being equal, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.  By the way, chalk up two more terrorists.	They boys'll be glad.  We got a pool going on you.
-Yeah?  What's the odds?	You don't want to know.
-They way you drive, I can see why.	I...I shot a kid.
-Eleven years ago.  Oh, it was dark... he was big for his age...damn ray gun he had looked real enough...yeah, I had all the right excuses...but afterwards... I really couldn't draw my gun again.	I...I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to make a joke of it.
-I...I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to make a joke of it.	Hey, you couldn't know.
-Hey, you couldn't know.	I still feel like shit.
-I still feel like shit.	Then this won't matter.  LAPD's not calling the shots anymore.
-Powell?  What's going on?	Ask the FBI.  They've got the terrorist playbook and they're running it, step by step.
-Look...I'm getting a bad feeling up here...I'd like you to do something for me.  Look up my wife...don't ask how, you'll know by then...and tell her...tell her...I've been a jerk. When things panned out for her, I should've been behind her all the way ...We had something great going until I screwed it up...She was the best thing that ever happened to a bum like me.  She's heard me say I love you a thousand times, but she never got to hear this...honey...I'm sorry.  You get all that?	I got it.  But you can tell her yourself.  Just watch your ass and you'll make it.
-I got it.  But you can tell her yourself.  Just watch your ass and you'll make it.	I hope so.  But that's up to the guy upstairs.  Upstairs...  ...Hans, you bastard...what were you doing?
-I hope so.  But that's up to the guy upstairs.  Upstairs...  ...Hans, you bastard...what were you doing?	Roy?
-Roy?	Stand by, Powell.  I gotta check something out.
-Al.  Man, you were my rock.  I couldn't have made it without you.	Bullshit.
-Bullshit.	I'm serious.  Hey, this is my wife... Holly Gennero.
-I am, Sir...Sergeant Al Powell.	Dwayne Robinson.  Well, what have you learned?  What do they want?
-Dwayne Robinson.  Well, what have you learned?  What do they want?	The terrorists?  Don't know, Sir. We haven't heard a peep from them.
-The terrorists?  Don't know, Sir. We haven't heard a peep from them.	Then who the hell have you been talking too?
-Then who the hell have you been talking too?	We don't exactly know, Sir.  He won't give us him name.  He appears to be the man who called in the report...he's killed one of the terrorists for sure and claims he capped two others.
-We don't exactly know, Sir.  He won't give us him name.  He appears to be the man who called in the report...he's killed one of the terrorists for sure and claims he capped two others.	He claims?  Powell, has it occured to you he could be one of the terrorists, pulling your chain? Or some kind of nut case who --
-He claims?  Powell, has it occured to you he could be one of the terrorists, pulling your chain? Or some kind of nut case who --	I don't think so, Sir.  In fact... I think he's a cop.  Maybe not LAPD, but definitely a badge.
-I don't think so, Sir.  In fact... I think he's a cop.  Maybe not LAPD, but definitely a badge.	How do you know?
-How do you know?	A hunch.  Things he said.  Like, knowing how to recognize a phony ID --
-A hunch.  Things he said.  Like, knowing how to recognize a phony ID --	-- recognizing phony ID's?  Christ, Powell, he could be a fucking bartender for all we know!
-What's going on?	What's it look like?  We're going in.
-What's it look like?  We're going in.	Going in...are you out of your mind? There's 30 hostages in there -- for all we know --
-Going in...are you out of your mind? There's 30 hostages in there -- for all we know --	-- all we know?  We don't know shit, Powell.  If there's hostages why hasn't anyone asked for ransom?  If there's terrorists, where's their goddamn list of demands?  All we know is that someone shot up your car, and it could be the same flake you've been talking to on the radio!
--- all we know?  We don't know shit, Powell.  If there's hostages why hasn't anyone asked for ransom?  If there's terrorists, where's their goddamn list of demands?  All we know is that someone shot up your car, and it could be the same flake you've been talking to on the radio!	What about the body that fell out of the window -- ?
-What about the body that fell out of the window -- ?	Who the hell knows?  Maybe he was a stockbroker who looked at the Dow Jones and opted for early retirement!
-Is that him?	Yessir.
-Yessir.	Give me that.  Now, listen to me, mister, I don't know what you think you're doing, but demolishing a building doesn't fall under the definition of 'help'! There's hundreds of people out here and you covered half of them in pieces of glass --
-Goddamn, didn't you hear him!  He practically pulled the Goddamned trigger himself -- he gave that man to them --	Christ, can't you read between the lines!  He did everything he could to save him...if he gave himself up they'd both be dead!
-Christ, can't you read between the lines!  He did everything he could to save him...if he gave himself up they'd both be dead!	Maybe.  And maybe they'd at least be talking to us!  Now tell your 'partner' to stay out of it, or so help me if he lives through this I'll put him behind bars myself!
-Maybe.  And maybe they'd at least be talking to us!  Now tell your 'partner' to stay out of it, or so help me if he lives through this I'll put him behind bars myself!	He's alone, tired, hunted, and hasn't seen diddly-squat from us and you think he gives a flying fuck about what you're going to do to him? Robinson, wake up and smell the shit you're shoveling!
-He's alone, tired, hunted, and hasn't seen diddly-squat from us and you think he gives a flying fuck about what you're going to do to him? Robinson, wake up and smell the shit you're shoveling!	Anytime you want to go home, Sergeant...consider yourself dismissed.
-This is --	This is Deputy Chief Robinson.  Who is this?
-Gene -- you smilin'?	No.  I never smile any more.
-No.  I never smile any more.	Whattaya think: we gonna kill any civilians tonight, Gene?
-Whattaya think: we gonna kill any civilians tonight, Gene?	I never make bets or guesses, that way I'm never wrong and I never have to pay out.
-I never make bets or guesses, that way I'm never wrong and I never have to pay out.	Gene, Jesus, what a bull he is!
-So whatsa deal?	They jet's comin' out.  But don't let 'em off the ground.
-They jet's comin' out.  But don't let 'em off the ground.	What if we gotta kill a whole lot of people?
-What if we gotta kill a whole lot of people?	Don't let 'em off the ground.
-Don't let 'em off the ground.	Listen.
-If you're right I'm gonna back you a hundred percent, you know that.	Fuck you, sir - if I'm right, I don't need you.  What I want is - if I make an honest mistake I want help.
-These seats come out?	Yeah.
-Jesus, you're the man!	Come on, what's under this?
-I was lookin' at it.  I saw you, man!  Jesus!  You oughta see yourself!  You wouldn't believe it.	Yes, I would.
-Yes, I would.	God damn it, Sheila isn't gonna believe it.  They just call in and say gas up a stretchout and get it down to  and I say, 'shit, another load of Elks for the massage parlors.'
-God damn it, Sheila isn't gonna believe it.  They just call in and say gas up a stretchout and get it down to  and I say, 'shit, another load of Elks for the massage parlors.'	Okay.
-Aw, hey...	Come on, nobody's gonna get hurt. If they were gonna shoot, they'd shoot now.
-You'll be okay.	You men shoot, aim for the white meat!
-Hey, Sonny!  I'm watchin' it on TV!	What about the kids?
-What about the kids?	They don't know, I sent them to the neighbors.  Sonny, Jesus, it's not like you.  I can't believe, because you never hurt anybody since the day I knew you.
-They don't know, I sent them to the neighbors.  Sonny, Jesus, it's not like you.  I can't believe, because you never hurt anybody since the day I knew you.	Heidi, I'm dying.
-Heidi, I'm dying.	I blame myself, Sonny.  I notice you been tense, like something is happening; the night before last you're yellin' at the kids like a madman, believe me.  And then you wanted me to go on this ride with the kids, this caterpillar about from here to there - fulla one- year-old kids.  It's ridiculous. I'm not about to go on this ride, so you yell right there, 'You pig, get on the fuckin' ride!' Well, everything fell outta - me - my heart, my liver fell to the floor - you name it!  Yellin' at me in front of all those people.  Because you never talked and I never been scared of you, never.  I think: he's gonna shoot me and dump my body in the river.
-I blame myself, Sonny.  I notice you been tense, like something is happening; the night before last you're yellin' at the kids like a madman, believe me.  And then you wanted me to go on this ride with the kids, this caterpillar about from here to there - fulla one- year-old kids.  It's ridiculous. I'm not about to go on this ride, so you yell right there, 'You pig, get on the fuckin' ride!' Well, everything fell outta - me - my heart, my liver fell to the floor - you name it!  Yellin' at me in front of all those people.  Because you never talked and I never been scared of you, never.  I think: he's gonna shoot me and dump my body in the river.	Heidi, for Christ sake, shut up! Will you shut your fucking mouth and listen?!
-Heidi, for Christ sake, shut up! Will you shut your fucking mouth and listen?!	See?  You're screaming with the language and all!  A person can't communicate with you.  You become a stranger in your own home...
-...because you hurt me, God how you hurt me.  Can you imagine, marrying another man?  Did I do something to make you do that?  Did I ever turn you down, or anything?  The only thing I couldn't do, you're gonna laugh, is go on top - I got this fear of high places!  And I let myself get fat.	Don't call yourself fat.
-Don't call yourself fat.	I know you can't stand me to say I'm fat.  Like I can't stand you being a bank robber.  I guess that's what love is -- huh, Sonny?
-I know you can't stand me to say I'm fat.  Like I can't stand you being a bank robber.  I guess that's what love is -- huh, Sonny?	Heidi - why didn't you come down here?
-Heidi - why didn't you come down here?	Jesus - what - I'm afraid - I'm gonna get shot or whatever.  You oughta see it on TV, the guns, the cops, they got cannon, machine guns, they're loaded with gear.
-Jesus - what - I'm afraid - I'm gonna get shot or whatever.  You oughta see it on TV, the guns, the cops, they got cannon, machine guns, they're loaded with gear.	They're not after you, they're after me.
-They're not after you, they're after me.	Listen, it's late already when I realize it's not just a couple of ordinary faggots, it's just you and Sal.  I couldn't get a baby sitter.
-Sonny, I'm gettin' real bad vibes.	Jackie - what are you talking about?
-Jackie - what are you talking about?	Maybe we can take something smaller... like a Spanish grocery.
-Maybe we can take something smaller... like a Spanish grocery.	It's too late - just get away from me - don't talk to me now - go over to your place...
-Hey, don't take the car!	Well, how'll I get home?
-Well, how'll I get home?	Take the subway.  We need the car.  Hey, gimme the keys - the keys!
-Sonny, there's somebody under that desk over there... I'm sorry...	It's okay... it's okay...
-Jenny?	He says he doesn't know.  Why don't you cook whatever's there?
-He says he doesn't know.  Why don't you cook whatever's there?	It looks like a whole roast.
-It looks like a whole roast.	Honey, send out for Kentucky fried chicken.  The baby, just open a bottle of prunes, and one of the beef.  The bottles are in the fridge.
-What guns?	The robbers in the bank.  They got guns?
-The robbers in the bank.  They got guns?	Yeah.  A lot of guns.
-Yeah.  A lot of guns.	Well, stay away from them.  Don't get close.
-Well, stay away from them.  Don't get close.	Oh, yeah, I will...
-I'll kiss the baby for you.	I love you.
-Jesus Christ is coming back and he's really pissed.	Yeah, well I don't blame him.
-Yeah, well I don't blame him.	You know, Sonny, I used to dope a lot, and I was into dipping?  And I did a couple bank jobs, and the Lord Jesus in his everlasting mercy saved me, you know how?
-No.  Look, we're kind of....	That's why I can talk to you, as an equal, Sonny.  You got to merge your whole soul with God.  And then you are Him and one with the Holy Ghost.
-That's why I can talk to you, as an equal, Sonny.  You got to merge your whole soul with God.  And then you are Him and one with the Holy Ghost.	Yeah, well...maybe you better talk to one of these others, okay?
-Yeah, well...maybe you better talk to one of these others, okay?	Sonny?  Don't send me away!  I can help you save your soul ...
-Hello.  Hello, Leon.	Hello, Sonny.
-Hello, Sonny.	How are you doing?
-How are you doing?	Well... I'm out of the hospital.
-Well... I'm out of the hospital.	Yeah.  You said... I thought you were never getting out?
-Yeah.  You said... I thought you were never getting out?	I never thought I'd get out this way.  I'll tell you.
-I never thought I'd get out this way.  I'll tell you.	Well.... huh ...
-Well.... huh ...	Ooohh....
-Ooohh....	Oh... huh ... how you feeling?
-Oh... huh ... how you feeling?	I'm really shakey.
-I'm really shakey.	Well, you know ... Moretti told me before that you were drugged up.
-Well, you know ... Moretti told me before that you were drugged up.	Yeah.  It was terrible.
-Yeah.  It was terrible.	That... huh... they just shoot you with drugs.
-That... huh... they just shoot you with drugs.	You come in and they say, right away, that you are crazy.  And they start putting things in your arm... you know.  How do they expect you to get uncrazy if you're asleep all the time?
-You come in and they say, right away, that you are crazy.  And they start putting things in your arm... you know.  How do they expect you to get uncrazy if you're asleep all the time?	Yeah...
-Yeah...	You can't talk or do anything.  You really feel... you know... I'm just sort of coming out of it now.
-You can't talk or do anything.  You really feel... you know... I'm just sort of coming out of it now.	So... that sure is something.
-So... that sure is something.	Yeah.  So how are you?
-Yeah.  So how are you?	Fine, thank you.  I'm in trouble. That is... now I am!
-Fine, thank you.  I'm in trouble. That is... now I am!	Yeah... I know.
-Yeah... I know.	I don't know what I'm gonna do... you know.  Boy... I'm dying.
-I don't know what I'm gonna do... you know.  Boy... I'm dying.	What?  What are you talking about? You are dying?  Did you ever listen to yourself when you say that?
-What?  What are you talking about? You are dying?  Did you ever listen to yourself when you say that?	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	What do you mean... what am I talking about?  Do you realize that you say that to me every day of your life?  I am dying.  Do you know... do you realize the death that you are spreading around to the people who are around you?
-What do you mean... what am I talking about?  Do you realize that you say that to me every day of your life?  I am dying.  Do you know... do you realize the death that you are spreading around to the people who are around you?	Now don't give me that deep shit now.  Don't start with that shit.
-Now don't give me that deep shit now.  Don't start with that shit.	No really... I don't think that you realize what it means.  The things that you do, Sonny.  You put a gun to somebody's head...
-No really... I don't think that you realize what it means.  The things that you do, Sonny.  You put a gun to somebody's head...	I don't know what I'm doing.
-I don't know what I'm doing.	Yeah... obviously you don't... when you put a gun to somebody's head... and you say go to sleep so that it won't hurt when I pull the trigger. Death?  Don't talk about death to me.  I have been living with death for the last six months.  Why do you think I'm in the hospital?  I take a handful of pills to get away from you.  And then here I am out of the hospital talking to you on the phone... again.  I have no friends left.  No job.  I can't live.  I have to live with people. This death business... I'm sorry!
-Yeah... obviously you don't... when you put a gun to somebody's head... and you say go to sleep so that it won't hurt when I pull the trigger. Death?  Don't talk about death to me.  I have been living with death for the last six months.  Why do you think I'm in the hospital?  I take a handful of pills to get away from you.  And then here I am out of the hospital talking to you on the phone... again.  I have no friends left.  No job.  I can't live.  I have to live with people. This death business... I'm sorry!	I'm not on the phone to talk to you about that.  Well, I don't know what to say, Leon.  When you gimme that... when you hit me with that shit.  I mean, what am I supposed to say?
-I'm not on the phone to talk to you about that.  Well, I don't know what to say, Leon.  When you gimme that... when you hit me with that shit.  I mean, what am I supposed to say?	I'm sorry...
-I'm sorry...	I told you.  That I got a lot of pressures.  You said to me that you needed money, and I knew that you needed money!  I saw you there lying in the hospital like that... and I said... shit, man, I got to get this guy some money.
-I told you.  That I got a lot of pressures.  You said to me that you needed money, and I knew that you needed money!  I saw you there lying in the hospital like that... and I said... shit, man, I got to get this guy some money.	But I didn't ask you to go rob a bank.
-But I didn't ask you to go rob a bank.	All right.  I know you didn't ask me.  You didn't ask me but I did it.
-All right.  I know you didn't ask me.  You didn't ask me but I did it.	Well...
-Well...	I did it on my own.  I did this all on my own.  I ain't laying it on anybody.  Nothing on anybody.  I'll tell you something, though, it's about time that I squared away my accounts... you know.  I am squaring away my accounts with life.  Maye this whole thing is gonna end, somehow.  Maybe it'll just end! Maybe I'll just close my eyes and the whole fucken thing will be over. That would be all right too!  I said... I thought I would square it away with you... you know?  That I would get you down here and that I would say so long to you... or, if you wanted... you know, to take a trip...
-I did it on my own.  I did this all on my own.  I ain't laying it on anybody.  Nothing on anybody.  I'll tell you something, though, it's about time that I squared away my accounts... you know.  I am squaring away my accounts with life.  Maye this whole thing is gonna end, somehow.  Maybe it'll just end! Maybe I'll just close my eyes and the whole fucken thing will be over. That would be all right too!  I said... I thought I would square it away with you... you know?  That I would get you down here and that I would say so long to you... or, if you wanted... you know, to take a trip...	What trip?
-What trip?	I'm getting out of here, man.  I'm not going to stay here and I'm not giving up.  I mean, huh, they're going to kill me, anyway.  So fuck it!  But, if I can get out of this... I am going to get out. And, how I'm going to do it is to get a jet out of here and I'm flying the fuck out... That's all, Leon.  If you want to come with me, then you're entitled... you can come.  You're free to do what you want.
-I'm getting out of here, man.  I'm not going to stay here and I'm not giving up.  I mean, huh, they're going to kill me, anyway.  So fuck it!  But, if I can get out of this... I am going to get out. And, how I'm going to do it is to get a jet out of here and I'm flying the fuck out... That's all, Leon.  If you want to come with me, then you're entitled... you can come.  You're free to do what you want.	I'm free to do what I want?  And you think I would want to go with you some place on a plane?  Where? Where ya going?
-I'm free to do what I want?  And you think I would want to go with you some place on a plane?  Where? Where ya going?	I gotta jet coming here and we're gonna try to get the fuck outta this thing.  And we're gonna go, man!
-I gotta jet coming here and we're gonna try to get the fuck outta this thing.  And we're gonna go, man!	You're crazy.
-You're crazy.	That's it.
-That's it.	You're really crazy.
-You're really crazy.	I know!
-I know!	Where you gonna go?
-Where you gonna go?	Who the fuck knows?  I think we're gonna go ... we worked it out to Algeria.  So, I don't know.  So I'll go to Algeria.
-Who the fuck knows?  I think we're gonna go ... we worked it out to Algeria.  So, I don't know.  So I'll go to Algeria.	Why you going to Algeria?
-Why you going to Algeria?	Huh ... I don't know.  They got Howard Johnson's there.  I don't know why the fuck I'm going there for.
-Huh ... I don't know.  They got Howard Johnson's there.  I don't know why the fuck I'm going there for.	Howard Johnson's... you're warped. You know that?  You're really warped!
-Howard Johnson's... you're warped. You know that?  You're really warped!	I know that.  I'm warped... I'm warped!
-I know that.  I'm warped... I'm warped!	God, Algeria!  Do you know there's a bunch of... they walk around there... God!  People walk around with masks and things on their heads.  They're a bunch of crazy people there.
-God, Algeria!  Do you know there's a bunch of... they walk around there... God!  People walk around with masks and things on their heads.  They're a bunch of crazy people there.	What am I supposed to do?
-What am I supposed to do?	I don't know... you could have picked a better place.
-I don't know... you could have picked a better place.	Denmark?  Sweden?
-Denmark?  Sweden?	I like that... yeah!
-I like that... yeah!	Sal wanted to go to Wyoming.  I told him it wasn't a country.  We gotta get outta the country!  To hell with a guy who doesn't know where Wyoming is.  Okay.  Can you imagine what kind of a shape I'm in?
-So!  Sal is with you?	Sal?  Yeah... Sal is with me.
-Sal?  Yeah... Sal is with me.	Oh... wow!  Sonny, you're really into one mess now.
-Oh... wow!  Sonny, you're really into one mess now.	I know I am.  I know!
-I know I am.  I know!	Sal... Sal... Naturale, oh boy!
-Sal... Sal... Naturale, oh boy!	He ain't going out.  And if I go out he's just gonna kill the people. There's a lot of lives that I'm responsible for... that's all.  So, I can't do anything.  I got myself into this mess and I'll get myself out of it... the best way I know how!  One of the ways is not giving up.  I'm telling ya!
-He ain't going out.  And if I go out he's just gonna kill the people. There's a lot of lives that I'm responsible for... that's all.  So, I can't do anything.  I got myself into this mess and I'll get myself out of it... the best way I know how!  One of the ways is not giving up.  I'm telling ya!	Would you do something for me? Please?
-Would you do something for me? Please?	What?
-What?	These guys that got me down here, you know, huh... they think that I'm part of this whole thing.  They think I'm part of the plot to rob the bank!
-These guys that got me down here, you know, huh... they think that I'm part of this whole thing.  They think I'm part of the plot to rob the bank!	How did they think that?  What are they... crazy?  What do you mean. That's bullshit, Leon.  They're giving you a fucken story.
-How did they think that?  What are they... crazy?  What do you mean. That's bullshit, Leon.  They're giving you a fucken story.	Well... they told me that I was an accomplice...
-Well... they told me that I was an accomplice...	Oh... they're fucken crazy.  That's a snow job.  Don't listen to that shit!
-Oh... they're fucken crazy.  That's a snow job.  Don't listen to that shit!	I gotta listen to it if they think...
-I gotta listen to it if they think...	Shit...
-Shit...	I can't survive in prison, Sonny...
-I can't survive in prison, Sonny...	All right.  Then what do you want me to say?
-All right.  Then what do you want me to say?	Sonny, would you please just tell them... please...
-Sonny, would you please just tell them... please...	Where are they now?  Just tell me... are they on the phone now?
-Where are they now?  Just tell me... are they on the phone now?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	That's great.  Just terrific.  You talk to me with them on the phone, right?  That is really smart.  And, you don't tell me?
-That's great.  Just terrific.  You talk to me with them on the phone, right?  That is really smart.  And, you don't tell me?	I don't have a choice.
-I don't have a choice.	You don't have a choice?
-You don't have a choice?	No!  They're standing all around me. Seven thousand fucken cops... all around me.
-No!  They're standing all around me. Seven thousand fucken cops... all around me.	Look... who's on the phone?
-Look... who's on the phone?	Look... don't throw that on me.
-Look... don't throw that on me.	Who's on the phone, now?  What do you mean... throw it on you?  You knew it, right?
-Who's on the phone, now?  What do you mean... throw it on you?  You knew it, right?	Yeah... I knew it.  But, what choice do I have?  I'm in the hospital; they drag me out of the hospital... bring me down here...
-Yeah... I knew it.  But, what choice do I have?  I'm in the hospital; they drag me out of the hospital... bring me down here...	All right, enough!  Who the fuck is on the phone... anyway?  Is that you Moretti?  You on the phone?  Will somebody talk to me?
-All right, enough!  Who the fuck is on the phone... anyway?  Is that you Moretti?  You on the phone?  Will somebody talk to me?	They won't talk to you.
-They won't talk to you.	Are they on the phone still?
-Are they on the phone still?	Yeah... yeah!
-Yeah... yeah!	All right!  He didn't do it.  All right?  Now... would you get the fuck off the phone?  I'll bet that really changed them, huh?  Anyway, Leon... did I do it for you?
-All right!  He didn't do it.  All right?  Now... would you get the fuck off the phone?  I'll bet that really changed them, huh?  Anyway, Leon... did I do it for you?	Yeah... huh, thank you.  I'm going to go back, Sonny, to the hospital. They're really nice people.  They're really trying to help me.
-Yeah... huh, thank you.  I'm going to go back, Sonny, to the hospital. They're really nice people.  They're really trying to help me.	That's good then.  You've found something.
-That's good then.  You've found something.	Well... I don't know if I have or not.
-Well... I don't know if I have or not.	Do you still want the operation?
-Do you still want the operation?	Yeah... yeah.
-Yeah... yeah.	Well, then...
-Well, then...	It's my only chance!
-It's my only chance!	I don't know what to say to ya!  I guess I just wanted to say I'll see ya... or whatever.
-I don't know what to say to ya!  I guess I just wanted to say I'll see ya... or whatever.	Thank you much... and huh, bon voyage.
-Thank you much... and huh, bon voyage.	Right.  See you sometime.
-Right.  See you sometime.	Yeah... see ya in my dreams, huh?
-Yeah... see ya in my dreams, huh?	Yeah... I'll write a song.  Ha, ha. I don't know.  Life is funny!
-Yeah... I'll write a song.  Ha, ha. I don't know.  Life is funny!	You said a mouthful... sweetheart!
-Leon?  Whatsa matter?  They give you a shot down the hospital or what?	Oh, God, they shot me with like unreal!
-Oh, God, they shot me with like unreal!	Well, you got to get hold of yourself.  You got to talk to him, tell him to give himself up.
-Well, you got to get hold of yourself.  You got to talk to him, tell him to give himself up.	Oh no!
-Oh no!	He's got eight people in there with him.  He's got this kid with him ... they're gonna shoot the people.
-He's got eight people in there with him.  He's got this kid with him ... they're gonna shoot the people.	I can't help it.  I can't stop him from anything.
-I can't help it.  I can't stop him from anything.	If he won't listen to you, who will he listen to?
-If he won't listen to you, who will he listen to?	He won't listen to anybody.  He's been very crazy all summer.  Since June he's been trying to kill me.
-He won't listen to anybody.  He's been very crazy all summer.  Since June he's been trying to kill me.	You try calling the police?
-You try calling the police?	What good is that?  They couldn't stop him.  And it'd just make him mad.  They don't know him.
-What good is that?  They couldn't stop him.  And it'd just make him mad.  They don't know him.	Somebody's got to stop him, Leon.
-Somebody's got to stop him, Leon.	He was under great strain: you don't understand, he's a very mixed up person.
-He was under great strain: you don't understand, he's a very mixed up person.	He's makin' threats in there.
-He's makin' threats in there.	He's scared.  It's crazy.  I never met anyone like him.  His wife, he's a wonderful father to his children.  His mother - you should see her - his mother and father together are like a bad car wreck - he lets it all slide off his back, he sees them, he pays their rent. Unbelievable.  I wanted to get married ... He didn't really want it ... he's married already!  But he did it.  I don't know why.  I thought it would help me, but it didn't.  I was just as confused and unhappy was before; I did terrible things.
-He's scared.  It's crazy.  I never met anyone like him.  His wife, he's a wonderful father to his children.  His mother - you should see her - his mother and father together are like a bad car wreck - he lets it all slide off his back, he sees them, he pays their rent. Unbelievable.  I wanted to get married ... He didn't really want it ... he's married already!  But he did it.  I don't know why.  I thought it would help me, but it didn't.  I was just as confused and unhappy was before; I did terrible things.	What kind of things, Leon?
-What kind of things, Leon?	Ten days I spent in Atlantic City - Sonny was frantic - he knew I was drinking; he didn't know where I was ... who I was with.  I couldn't explain why I did the things I did. So I went to this psychiatrist who explained to me I was a woman in a man's body.  So Sonny right away wanted to get me money for a sex change operation: but where was he to get that?  2500 dollars!  My God, he's in hock up to his ears already.
-Ten days I spent in Atlantic City - Sonny was frantic - he knew I was drinking; he didn't know where I was ... who I was with.  I couldn't explain why I did the things I did. So I went to this psychiatrist who explained to me I was a woman in a man's body.  So Sonny right away wanted to get me money for a sex change operation: but where was he to get that?  2500 dollars!  My God, he's in hock up to his ears already.	He needed money?  For the operation for you?
-He needed money?  For the operation for you?	It made him crazy - so much demand, he'd fly into this rages.  And I got more depressed than ever; I saw I'd never get the operation.  So I tried to take my life - I swallowed about a half pound of pills ... blues, reds, yellows, downers, uppers, screamers ... you name it. But I just threw them up and wound up in the hospital.  Sonny comes there and looks at me and just says: 'Wow!'  So when I hear he's in the bank, I almost go crazy because I know he's doin' it for me.
-It made him crazy - so much demand, he'd fly into this rages.  And I got more depressed than ever; I saw I'd never get the operation.  So I tried to take my life - I swallowed about a half pound of pills ... blues, reds, yellows, downers, uppers, screamers ... you name it. But I just threw them up and wound up in the hospital.  Sonny comes there and looks at me and just says: 'Wow!'  So when I hear he's in the bank, I almost go crazy because I know he's doin' it for me.	Well, don't you figure you owe to him to get him out of there?
-Well, don't you figure you owe to him to get him out of there?	I can't talk to him.
-I can't talk to him.	You're in it up to your ass, Leon. You're an accessory.  You talk him out of there and they might be a little more understanding of your case.
-You're in it up to your ass, Leon. You're an accessory.  You talk him out of there and they might be a little more understanding of your case.	I'm afraid.
-I'm afraid.	How is he gonna hurt you on the telephone?
-How is he gonna hurt you on the telephone?	I don't know what to say to him.  I can't.
-I don't know what to say to him.  I can't.	You think it over, Leon.
-Yeah.	What are you doin' in there?
-What are you doin' in there?	Who's this?
-Who's this?	This is Detective Sergeant Moretti, asshole, we got you completely by the balls.  You don't believe me, I'm lookin' you right in the eye. Right now, I can see you...
-What a fuckin' comedy!  WNEW plays all the hits.	Listen, first off, is anybody hurt in there?
-Listen, first off, is anybody hurt in there?	... But you keep away from the bank or we start throwing bodies out the front door one at a time... You got it?  Okay?
-Okay, you're in there and we're out here.  What do we do now?	I told you -- keep away.  I don't know what we do now.
-I told you -- keep away.  I don't know what we do now.	Awright, but I wanna talk to you. First off, we wanna know if the people in the bank are okay.
-Awright, but I wanna talk to you. First off, we wanna know if the people in the bank are okay.	They're okay.
-They're okay.	You alone, or you got confederates?
-You alone, or you got confederates?	I'm not alone.
-I'm not alone.	How many you got in there?
-How many you got in there?	I got Sal.
-I got Sal.	Sal?  What's that for?  Salvatore?
-Sal?  What's that for?  Salvatore?	Sal.  He's the killer.  We're Vietnam veterans so killing don't mean anything to us, you understand?
-Right -- got ya.  Okay, so there's you -- what's your name?	What do you want to know that for?
-What do you want to know that for?	Give me a name, any name, just so I got somethin' to call you.
-Give me a name, any name, just so I got somethin' to call you.	Call me Sonny-boy.
-Call me Sonny-boy.	Sonny-boy, one word?
-Sonny-boy, one word?	One word.  You won't find it in the phone book.
-One word.  You won't find it in the phone book.	Listen, Sonny ... can I call you Sonny for short?
-Listen, Sonny ... can I call you Sonny for short?	Call me whatever you want.
-Call me whatever you want.	Okay, Sonny, I want to see if the people in the bank are okay, then what I want to do is work out a way to get them out of there.  I want to come over there, without a gun ... and you can frisk me.  So you can see you can trust me.  So we can talk and find a way outta this mess.
-Okay, Sonny, I want to see if the people in the bank are okay, then what I want to do is work out a way to get them out of there.  I want to come over there, without a gun ... and you can frisk me.  So you can see you can trust me.  So we can talk and find a way outta this mess.	I frisk you?
-I frisk you?	You frisk me.
-You frisk me.	Right -- I'm with you, buddy.
-Right -- I'm with you, buddy.	I'd like just some sign I can trust you too, Sonny.  I don't want to trust my body out where you could just shoot me.  Some sight ... right?
-I'd like just some sign I can trust you too, Sonny.  I don't want to trust my body out where you could just shoot me.  Some sight ... right?	Sure ... like ... I'm not gonna shoot you.
-Sure ... like ... I'm not gonna shoot you.	How about letting the people out of the bank.  Why put them in this position?
-How about letting the people out of the bank.  Why put them in this position?	They're what's keeping me alive. You think you're dealing with an idiot?  Talk to me then.
-They're what's keeping me alive. You think you're dealing with an idiot?  Talk to me then.	Okay, give us the women.
-Okay, give us the women.	Oh, no ... Women is all we got.
-Oh, no ... Women is all we got.	You're all one way!  I'm bein' reasonable with you; give me somethin' ... Give me one of them, anyway ... Just one ...
-You're all one way!  I'm bein' reasonable with you; give me somethin' ... Give me one of them, anyway ... Just one ...	So -- you want me to send one out there ... Okay.  I'll see what I can do.
-You got these cops outta here. They're comin' in too close.	Come on.  I want you to see something.
-Come on.  I want you to see something.	You want me to give up, huh?  Look, Sal's in back with the girls. Anything happens to me - one move - and Sal gives it to them.  Boom boom.  How do I know you won't jump me?
-You want me to give up, huh?  Look, Sal's in back with the girls. Anything happens to me - one move - and Sal gives it to them.  Boom boom.  How do I know you won't jump me?	I don't forget about Sal and the boom boom room.  I want you to see this.
-Let Sal come out, take a look. What hope you got?  Quit while you're ahead.  All you got is attempted robbery.	... armed robbery ...
-... armed robbery ...	Well, armed, then.  Nobody's been hurt.  Release the hostages, nobody is gonna worry over kidnapping charges, the worst you're gonna get is five years -- you can be out in a year.
-What?	When I'm bein' fucked, I like to be kissed a lot.  Who the fuck are you tryin' to con me into some deal?  You're a city cop, where's the FBI?  This is a federal offense, I got kidnapping, armed robbery, they're gonna bury me!  You know it, you can't talk for them, you're some flunky pig tryin' to bullshit me.  Now God damn it, get somebody in charge here to talk to me!
-When I'm bein' fucked, I like to be kissed a lot.  Who the fuck are you tryin' to con me into some deal?  You're a city cop, where's the FBI?  This is a federal offense, I got kidnapping, armed robbery, they're gonna bury me!  You know it, you can't talk for them, you're some flunky pig tryin' to bullshit me.  Now God damn it, get somebody in charge here to talk to me!	Calm down, you're not ...
-Calm down, you're not ...	Calm down... look at this, look at him...!
-He wanted to kill me!	It's okay, you got a lot of protection.
-I want a helicopter to get outa here!  And a jet to take us to...  ... wherever we want to go.  Outa the country, so no little jets.  A big one with a bar and a piano lounge.	I don't know, Sonny.  I don't know if the helicopters can land in here. I'll have to check it out.  I got superiors, unnerstan?  They don't always see eye to eye with me. I'll do what I can.
-Sonny, be reasonable!	I want to see my wife.  I want you to bring her down here.
-I want to see my wife.  I want you to bring her down here.	Okay, what do you give me?
-Okay, what do you give me?	What do you want?
-What do you want?	The girl hostages.
-The girl hostages.	Nothin' doin'.  I give you one hostage when you bring my wife, and one for the helicopter, one for the jet, and the rest can come home on the jet.
-Nothin' doin'.  I give you one hostage when you bring my wife, and one for the helicopter, one for the jet, and the rest can come home on the jet.	I'll see what they'll do.
-What the hell you doin' back there?	Sonny, come on out!
-What the fuck do you want?	They were ...
-They were ...	You tryin' to fuck me?
-You tryin' to fuck me?	No, I'm not tryin' to fuck you.
-No, I'm not tryin' to fuck you.	So, what were they doin'?  You're tellin' me you had nothin' to do with that back there?
-So, what were they doin'?  You're tellin' me you had nothin' to do with that back there?	I swear to God I had nothing to do with it ...
-I swear to God I had nothing to do with it ...	Bullshit ... I don't walk to talk to you ...
-Bullshit ... I don't walk to talk to you ...	Wait a minute ... everything you asked for is on the way ...
-Wait a minute ... everything you asked for is on the way ...	Yeah ...
-Yeah ...	Is on its way ... The helicopter can't land but we got a bus ... the jet's on its way to Kennedy ... we got a bus coming here ...
-Is on its way ... The helicopter can't land but we got a bus ... the jet's on its way to Kennedy ... we got a bus coming here ...	You're full of shit ...
-You're full of shit ...	Sonny, your wife's on the way ... We reached her ... your wife's on the way ... everything you asked for, you got.
-Sonny, your wife's on the way ... We reached her ... your wife's on the way ... everything you asked for, you got.	Well, what were you doin' back there?
-Well, what were you doin' back there?	It can't happen again ... I'll do everything I can to stop anything I can ...
-It can't happen again ... I'll do everything I can to stop anything I can ...	You know, you're telling me that a helicopter can't land here ...
-You know, you're telling me that a helicopter can't land here ...	Can't land ... you'd kill people ...
-Can't land ... you'd kill people ...	Don't fuck with me ...
-Don't fuck with me ...	I'm not ... I'm not ... you're gettin' a bus ... you're gettin' a bus ... the jet's comin' into Kennedy ... and your wife's on the way ... what else do you need? What else can I get you?  Listen, I don't know how you can do better ... see that man over there ... the FBI guy ...
-I'm not ... I'm not ... you're gettin' a bus ... you're gettin' a bus ... the jet's comin' into Kennedy ... and your wife's on the way ... what else do you need? What else can I get you?  Listen, I don't know how you can do better ... see that man over there ... the FBI guy ...	Just one more explosion like that and you're gonna see a dead body ...
-Just one more explosion like that and you're gonna see a dead body ...	There won't be ... there won't be ... What else do you need?  How else can we help you?
-There won't be ... there won't be ... What else do you need?  How else can we help you?	All right ... I got some hungry people in there ... I want to get some pizza ... some stuff like that ...
-All right ... I got some hungry people in there ... I want to get some pizza ... some stuff like that ...	What else?
-What else?	Cokes, seven-ups ...  also some aspirin ...
-Cokes, seven-ups ...  also some aspirin ...	Aspirins ... okay you got it.  Charlie!  Six pizzas!
-Aspirins ... okay you got it.  Charlie!  Six pizzas!	Okay ...
-Yeah?	We're bringing in your wife...
-Is he all right?  Is he all right?	He's all doped up.
-He's all doped up.	I want to talk to him.
-I want to talk to him.	He's groggy, Sonny.  Let me get him on his feet and he'll call you back.
-Here comes the FBI.  You men lookin' for protection?  We got all the police right here.	Why didn't you just wait and try to take 'em out there in the street?
-We're all set at Kennedy.	What makes you think you'll be able to control it?
-What makes you think you'll be able to control it?	He's totally unstable.  He'll make a mistake.
-He's totally unstable.  He'll make a mistake.	He hasn't so far.  I'm the one who can make a mistake.  That's what scares the shit out of me.
-He hasn't so far.  I'm the one who can make a mistake.  That's what scares the shit out of me.	Eugene, at 3:07, this became Federal.  Why don't I take it over now?
-Okay, okay... we know it's a stickup!	If he moves - blow his guts out... Cover him!
-Hey... let him out!	Do what the gentleman says, Howard.
-Okay, is the vault open?	I can take care of that.
-I must of been outta my mind.	Well, you get your mind right.  I'm a Catholic and I don't wanna hurt nobody, but goddamn it, don't you play no games with me.  Unnastand?!?
-What's the matter with you?	Come on, lemme load you up...
-This is it?  What am I gonna do with this?  Holy shit!	It's all we got.
-It's all we got.	Okay, don't worry about it.  Stick it in the bag...
-Hey, you, manager... Don't get any ideas, fucker... See that man there? I bark and he bites!	Believe me, I'm on your side.
-Believe me, I'm on your side.	My side, shit!
-Hello... I'm sorry I can't talk to you right now... I suggest you call during banking hours tomorrow. What is your name?	Gimme the traveler's checks and the register.
-Howard, give him the keys...	Gimme the keys to get outta here!
-The gun's right on your back...	Give me the keys...
-For God's sake, will you please go now?  We gave you every nickel we got.	You're goin' outside with me.  If there's no cops around, we just split.  Otherwise, you go with us.
-Hello, Mulvaney here...	Sal, get 'em in the vault.
-I swear to God... on my salary, I'm not gonna be any hero...	I took too long.
-Where's the back door?	It's locked on the inside.  It's through that passageway and to the right.
-Now, you -- what's your name?	Mulvaney...
-Mulvaney...	You and me are checking the other ways in and out.
-Let's go to the back door.  How'd that guy get to be a guard?	Well, they go to guard school.
-Well, they go to guard school.	To what ... learn how to shoot? They don't get a gun.
-To what ... learn how to shoot? They don't get a gun.	They make $105 a week to start. They fold the flag, check the place out in the morning.  I don't know what they learn, Sonny.
-You got kids?	I got two kids ... and I'd like to see them again.
-I got two kids ... and I'd like to see them again.	Ah, I know!  You're being very cooperative.  I got no complaint against you whatever; you got bank insurance?
-Don't ask me questions.  I got connections.  You find out who I am, you're cold meat.	I don't care who you are ...  I just want to get you outta here, safe, right?
-I don't care who you are ...  I just want to get you outta here, safe, right?	What if I take you with me?
-What if I take you with me?	If you take anybody, please take me.
-If you take anybody, please take me.	They'll shoot you; the fucking cops'll shoot you ... they don't give a damn.  In spite of that bank insurance.  You see what they did in Attica, they shot everybody, the hostages, prisoners, cops, guards, forty-two people they killed, the innocent with the guilty.
-You're just a nice guy, Mr. Mulvaney. Only don't fuck around with me, you know what I mean?	I don't fool around with you.
-What?	The TV ... they want to talk to you ...
-Why the hell did he do that?  What the hell did I do?	I guess he didn't appreciate your use of language.  They don't speak that way on television.  It's a rule.  Do you realize you've cut off a valuable source of communication?
-You see what we're dealing with? They want me to kill all of you!	What now, Sonny?
-What now, Sonny?	Wait a minute ... I've been looking at this all wrong ... Let's look at it the other way ...
-Where's the air conditioning?	I don't know, Sonny ... on the roof somewhere I guess.
-Do you think we can turn it on?	I don't know.
-Are we going to get the ball rolling?	What are you talking about?  What do you think I'm doin'?  I'm gettin' the ball rollin'.  I'm keeping these people happy ... I'm keeping you happy ... I gotta keep the cops cooled out ... I gotta do everything ... I gotta pay for the pizza ... I'm workin' on it, do you know what I mean?  I'm workin' on it ... Jesus Christ!  I gotta do it all ... I got all the ideas ... you want me to give you the gun?  You want to take it over?
-I'm okay ... I'm okay ...	You know more than the Doctor? You're not okay, look at you.  Come on ...  ... let's get him out ...
-You know more than the Doctor? You're not okay, look at you.  Come on ...  ... let's get him out ...	I'm not going.  I'm okay.
-Hey!  I'm tryin' to help you.	I stay here.  Damn it.  I just needed the insulin.  I'm used to it. Go on.  Go on.
-I stay here.  Damn it.  I just needed the insulin.  I'm used to it. Go on.  Go on.	You tell me.  Is he endangering his health, because if you tell me he is, I'll get him out.
-You tell me.  Is he endangering his health, because if you tell me he is, I'll get him out.	I'll be God damned if you will.
-I'll be God damned if you will.	Oh, Jesus!  You want to be a martyr or a hero or what?
-I'll never see them again, Mister Mulvaney.	They look like good kids.
-They look like good kids.	They're like any others but they're special to me.  You got kids?  You told me; you got two.
-They're like any others but they're special to me.  You got kids?  You told me; you got two.	Special to me, too.
-Special to me, too.	You like me?
-You like me?	Sure - we like you.
-Sure - we like you.	No you don't.
-No you don't.	You seem like a likable enough guy. It's hard to judge.
-You know, I don't know him very well - but he's not gay ... and he's not going back to prison ... One time when he was in prison, they gang-banged him; 13 years old and eight guys gave it to him ... So Sal isn't goin' back to prison, no way.	I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.	You know ... I like you people ... I really do.
-You know ... I like you people ... I really do.	We like you, too.
-We like you, too.	You know - I had a job once.  I used to work in a bank.  I had been training ... I used to have a boss ... Mr. Don Frio ... he wore a toupee ... I wonder if you'd hire me if I came in here and asked you for a job ...
-You know - I had a job once.  I used to work in a bank.  I had been training ... I used to have a boss ... Mr. Don Frio ... he wore a toupee ... I wonder if you'd hire me if I came in here and asked you for a job ...	Would I hire you?
-Would I hire you?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Why not?
-Why not?	I don't think so.
-Mister Mulvaney?	Yeah?
-Yeah?	Are you a lawyer?
-Are you a lawyer?	No.  I had some legal training, but...
-No.  I had some legal training, but...	I want to dictate my will.  I need a notary?
-You got Bank Americard?	What now, Sonny?
-What now, Sonny?	Listen, I owe a couple hundred dollars!  I don't wanta leave owing anybody anything!  A clean slate, a new leaf...
-What is it, Sam?	Everything's all right?  You okay?
-Everything's all right?  You okay?	Yeah, just a cigarette got in a wastebasket.
-You all right?	Little smoke: like a Polish four- alarm fire, is all.
-Little smoke: like a Polish four- alarm fire, is all.	Yeah.  Well, you're okay?
-Yeah.  Well, you're okay?	Yeah, thanks for keeping an eye out.
-Yeah, thanks for keeping an eye out.	Okay.
-Thanks again, Sam.	I'm glad it's okay.
-I'm glad it's okay.	It's okay. [Regards to the family, Sam.]
-It's up to you ladies.	Howard!
-Hey, girls -- I was on television...	What about Howard?
-I didn't eat any pizza.	I told you, he's got diabetes.
-I wish somebody would tell me I'm gonna live long enough for it to be a habit.  My parent, she'll be okay. My husband, he'll be okay.  I even know who the bum is gonna marry. Terrific.  She'll take good care of him.	Girls, I wanta apologize.  For my language back there.
-Ah, Sonny!  Good luck, you know?	You were terrific, too!
-You were terrific, too!	Hey.  It's raining.
-How did you know your son was involved?	It was on the TV.
-It was on the TV.	When was the last time you saw Sal?
-When was the last time you saw Sal?	Oh, a long time.  Because I kept asking my husband where the heck could Junior be?  He wasn't around here.  I thought maybe he was in prison or some place.
-Oh, a long time.  Because I kept asking my husband where the heck could Junior be?  He wasn't around here.  I thought maybe he was in prison or some place.	Did you know he was a homosexual?
-Did you know he was a homosexual?	No, not until after they killed him.
-No, not until after they killed him.	Did you always call him Junior.
-Did you always call him Junior.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Do you remember anything else about Sal?
-Do you remember anything else about Sal?	No, that's all.
-You don't smoke ... why do you want to start now.	Because I'm scared, that's why. You never smoked?
-Because I'm scared, that's why. You never smoked?	I used to, but I stopped.
-I used to, but I stopped.	You stopped?  Why?
-You stopped?  Why?	Because I don't want cancer.
-Because I don't want cancer.	You don't want cancer?  You're about to get your head blown off, you're worried about cancer.  Gimme the cigarette.
-No!  I'm not kidding.  Don't you understand?  You're pure!	Pure?
-Pure?	You shouldn't start now.
-You shouldn't start now.	For God's sake!  As soon as I'm outta this bank robbery, I'm gonna stop ... okay?
-For God's sake!  As soon as I'm outta this bank robbery, I'm gonna stop ... okay?	Go ahead.  Do what you want to do. I hate to see you break a perfect record.  You oughta take care of your body.
-Go ahead.  Do what you want to do. I hate to see you break a perfect record.  You oughta take care of your body.	My body?  What for?
-My body?  What for?	Your body is the temple of the Lord.
-Your body is the temple of the Lord.	You're serious!
-You're serious!	You're really pure, you know?  You got a perfect record.  You never used that stuff to ruin your body, why start now?
-You're really pure, you know?  You got a perfect record.  You never used that stuff to ruin your body, why start now?	You know, you remind me of my 19- year-old brother - only he's got his hair down to his knees - he looks like something that eats berries and roots out of the ground. God forbid I should say something to him like, 'Listen, if you ever smoke marijuana, just remember that it's illegal' and he storms outta the house.  You rob a bank, but you keep your body pure, is that it?
-You know, you remind me of my 19- year-old brother - only he's got his hair down to his knees - he looks like something that eats berries and roots out of the ground. God forbid I should say something to him like, 'Listen, if you ever smoke marijuana, just remember that it's illegal' and he storms outta the house.  You rob a bank, but you keep your body pure, is that it?	You gonna smoke the cigarette?
-You gonna smoke the cigarette?	Yes...
-Hey, for christ's sake... now... fuckin' asshole...  He can't make it.	Fuck him - let him out!
-Ah, Jesus...	Let's go, Sonny.
-Let's go, Sonny.	What are you crying for?  Jesus Christ.  It's not your fault there's no money...
-He's gone?	Yeah - it's all right... let's go.
-Where's the money?	Get 'em in the vault!
-Goddamn women...	Ah shit.  Okay... go ahead.  Anybody else have to go?
-It's the cops.  Shit!	How'd that happen?
-You mean that?	What?
-What?	... The bodies out the door.
-... The bodies out the door.	I want him to think that.
-I want him to think that.	But do you mean it?
-Sal, I'm sorry about this.  But we can get outta this thing.  There's a way outta this.	Are you serious?  About throwin' a body outta here if we have to?
-Are you serious?  About throwin' a body outta here if we have to?	Well, I stalled him for a while. When it comes the time, then we'll work it out.  Okay?
-Well, I stalled him for a while. When it comes the time, then we'll work it out.  Okay?	But do you mean in? ... But you just told him that if worse comes to worse...
-But do you mean in? ... But you just told him that if worse comes to worse...	I want him to think that.
-I want him to think that.	But I want to know what you think.
-But I want to know what you think.	We won't have to.
-We won't have to.	I'll tell you right now - that I'm ready to do it.
-He wants one.	Dead or alive?
-Dead or alive?	Alive.
-To show that we're negotiating.	All right ... send them the guard.
-All right ... send them the guard.	All right ... let's go.
-I figure maybe we can get the FBI to make a deal ...	What kind of a deal?
-What kind of a deal?	Maybe we can get outta this thing alive ... get 'em to drop the kidnapping charges ...
-Maybe we can get outta this thing alive ... get 'em to drop the kidnapping charges ...	What do you mean?  You talkin' about coppin a plea?
-... because if you're talking about coppin' a plea, I'm tellin' you right now, there's no deal ... I'm never going back to prison ... We got our own deal already ... Do you remember the pact we made?  You and me and Jackie - that night in the bar ... we were talkin' about if we get trapped in the bank, what are you gonna do ... Right?  What did we say?  What did we say!	We'd kill ourselves.
-We'd kill ourselves.	Does that still go?
-Does that still go?	We're not there yet.
-You realize, Sal, that we're gonna get outta the country, so if you wanna talk to somebody, do it now ... You gotta Mother or a Father? Friends?  If we gotta be outside the country, where do you wanna go?  Any country. Just name a country.	Wyoming.
-Wyoming.	Wyoming ... That's not out of the country -- that's in the United States ... Look, I'll be back.
-Sonny -	Yeah ...
-Yeah ...	I never been up in a plane before.
-I never been up in a plane before.	It's nothing - it just goes up - it's the safest thing in the world. Safer than a car.  Don't worry about it, Sal - it'll be all right ... they're great ...
-They're trying to come through the door!	Everybody!  Back here!
-Okay ... okay ... all right, Sal, it's okay.  I got everything straightened out ... it's gonna be okay.	Get over there!
-Get over there!	Look, I talked to him and it's not going to be a helicopter - they can't land on top of the roof - so they're comin' with a big ... limousine bus and they'll take us to the airport - and they're gonna get a jet ... so things are rollin' ... they're movin' ... I also ordered some food ... I got some pizzas for us, all right?  I got some things to drink - I got sodas ... I even asked them for aspirins ... I'm doin' what I can ... now I gotta pay for the pizza ... where are the marked bills?
-What?	They keep sayin' two homosexuals. I'm not a homosexual.  I want you to stop them saying that.
-They keep sayin' two homosexuals. I'm not a homosexual.  I want you to stop them saying that.	That's all they're interested in - it's a freak show to them.  I can't control it, Sal - let'em say what they want.  Forget it.  It don't matter.
-It's the FBI.  He wants to come in.	Have him walk in backwards.
-Sal?	They gotta stop sayin' that.
-What'd he say?	He was talkin' about arrangements ... we were talkin' about the TV.
-He was talkin' about arrangements ... we were talkin' about the TV.	Why couldn't he talk about that here?
-Why couldn't he talk about that here?	He was showin' me how the airport bus is comin' in, like that, Sal.  What's wrong with him?
-Hey, Sal ... How you doin'?	Okay.
-Just give me a receipt.  Hey, Sal, you okay?	Okay, Sonny.
-Okay, Sonny.	All right.
-There it is, Sal.  Sal?	I'm here.
-I'm here.	Oh, Jesus!  Hey.  How about food? I forgot to ask to have food on board.
-Hey, Sonny - You did it!	Let's move it, goddamn it.
-First off, get the lights back on and the air conditioning.	No more favors.  That's all over, Sonny.
-No more favors.  That's all over, Sonny.	Aw, Jesus ... you been doin' us favors all night!
-Aw, Jesus ... you been doin' us favors all night!	I've got a jet.  I'll have airport limousine here in a half hour.  I want the hostages.
-I've got a jet.  I'll have airport limousine here in a half hour.  I want the hostages.	Bullshit!
-Bullshit!	I'd like to work with you on this, not against you.
-Well, Jesus, these hostages are keeping me alive.	Okay, when do I get them?
-Okay, when do I get them?	At the airport.  We get on the plane, check it out, and if it's all okay we'll send them out. Except one.
-At the airport.  We get on the plane, check it out, and if it's all okay we'll send them out. Except one.	I want them all.
-I want them all.	I want to talk to Leon.
-I want to come in, and see if everybody's okay.	You got guts.  You think if Sal and me have cut their throats we're gonna let you out?
-You got guts.  You think if Sal and me have cut their throats we're gonna let you out?	I have to see.
-Jesus, you'd like to kill me, too.	I wouldn't like to, but I will, if I have to.
-I wouldn't like to, but I will, if I have to.	Nothin' personal, huh?  The man that kills me, I want him to do it because he hates my guts.  Not because it's a job.  Okay, let's go ... but you gotta walk in backwards.
-Nobody give their right name ... it's the FBI!	I just want to see all you young ladies are all all right in here.
-Wait a minute!  What the fuck you tryin' to tell me?	What I said.  You just sit quiet and we'll handle Sal.
-What's wrong?	The manager, he's diabetic, he's lookin' bad.
-Sonny!  Could you come out, please? Could you come out, please?	It's my mother.  Who needs this shit?
-I don't want him.	What can he do, he's clean...
-What can he do, he's clean...	Gimme the black guy...
-I can't allow that, Sonny...	You can't allow!  I'm running this thing, what gives you the idea you can say shit?  Come on.  I'll pay you.  Whatta you want?  Two hundred?  A thousand?
-Okay - you got your one.	You follow my car.
-That's the jet.  You give us one more, now.  That's the deal...	Okay.  Which one goes?
-I ain't eaten all day.  I just realized it.	We'll have hamburgers on the plane. You ready?
-Okay, who's the head teller here?	I am.
-I am.	Open this up!
-Listen, we got young girls here... you could watch your language.	I speak what I feel.
-Listen, I'll never make it.  I'll have to go to the toilet.	What's the matter... they never housebroke you?
-What's the matter... they never housebroke you?	It's not a joke.  I got this terrible fear of being locked in...
-Oh - Maria!	Who the hell is that?  God damn it! What the...
-What are you trying to pull?	I forgot she's in here.
-I forgot she's in here.	Come on, nobody's going to the bathroom - come on...
-Oh, shit!  I gotta have time to think.	What is it?  Did you just barge in here... He doesn't have plan.  It's all a whim.  'Rob a bank!  What not?'
-What is it?  Did you just barge in here... He doesn't have plan.  It's all a whim.  'Rob a bank!  What not?'	... Just give me time to think...
-Hey, you okay?	He's got diabetes.  He's not a well person.
-He's got diabetes.  He's not a well person.	Those bastards -- they poisoned the pizza!  Sal - you didn't eat any pizza!?
-My kids ... Kimmy and Jimmy.	They're beautiful ...
-Hey, let's get ready!	Sonny - Here's your document.
-Here's your document, Sonny.	Yeah - it looks real official.
-Fuck!  We did it!	Goodbye, honey.  Wish us luck!
-What do you want here, Ma?  You could of watched it on TV.	My God, Sonny - you oughtta see - Alla Brooklyn is here!  On all 3 networks!
-My God, Sonny - you oughtta see - Alla Brooklyn is here!  On all 3 networks!	Mom - I got it all worked out; it's over.  The best thing is you go home.  Watch it on TV.
-Mom - I got it all worked out; it's over.  The best thing is you go home.  Watch it on TV.	I talked to the FBI, I told them about you, they said if you just come outta the bank it's gonna be okay.
-I talked to the FBI, I told them about you, they said if you just come outta the bank it's gonna be okay.	You did what?  Who did you talk to? What for?
-You did what?  Who did you talk to? What for?	Well, I'm only trying to get you outta this.  I told them you were in Vietnam, you always had good jobs, you were with Goldwater at the '64 convention, but you had marital problems...
-Well, I'm only trying to get you outta this.  I told them you were in Vietnam, you always had good jobs, you were with Goldwater at the '64 convention, but you had marital problems...	Oh my God, mother!
-Oh my God, mother!	I said you were never a faggot.
-I said you were never a faggot.	Don't talk to them anymore.  Sal and me are getting a jet, we're going to Algeria - I'll write you from there.
-Don't talk to them anymore.  Sal and me are getting a jet, we're going to Algeria - I'll write you from there.	He was very understanding - you ought to talk to him ... Algeria?
-He was very understanding - you ought to talk to him ... Algeria?	We can't stay here.
-We can't stay here.	Oh my God!  I don't understand.  If you needed money, why couldn't you come to me?  Everything I got is yours.  I got two hundred and maybe twenty-five in the savings.  It's yours.  You know it.
-Mom - they're sending a bus to take us to the airport.  You understand? If you're here - they're not gonna send it.  They'll think I'm gonna come out with you.	What's wrong with that?  The FBI was very understanding when I explained it to him.  Everybody knows it isn't you ... It's the pressures from your home life.
-What's wrong with that?  The FBI was very understanding when I explained it to him.  Everybody knows it isn't you ... It's the pressures from your home life.	For God's sake don't start in on Heidi again ...
-For God's sake don't start in on Heidi again ...	Did I say a thing against her?  God forbid I should say anything against that fat cunt.
-Did I say a thing against her?  God forbid I should say anything against that fat cunt.	Mom.  Mom.  There are some things a mother shouldn't say in front of her son.
-Mom.  Mom.  There are some things a mother shouldn't say in front of her son.	If she comes down here, so help me I'm gonna mash her brains in. Everything in your life was sunlight and roses until you met her.  Since then, forget it.
-If she comes down here, so help me I'm gonna mash her brains in. Everything in your life was sunlight and roses until you met her.  Since then, forget it.	She doesn't have anything to do with it!  You understand that? Mother?  This is me!
-She doesn't have anything to do with it!  You understand that? Mother?  This is me!	I know you wouldn't need Leon if Heidi was treating you right.  The thing I don't understand is why you come out and sleep with Heidi anyway?  You got two kids on welfare now.  What're you goin' to bed with her, you don't have enough with one wife and two kids on welfare, you want a wife and three kids on welfare?
-I know you wouldn't need Leon if Heidi was treating you right.  The thing I don't understand is why you come out and sleep with Heidi anyway?  You got two kids on welfare now.  What're you goin' to bed with her, you don't have enough with one wife and two kids on welfare, you want a wife and three kids on welfare?	Not now, Mom, please.
-Not now, Mom, please.	What'll you do?  Come out.
-What'll you do?  Come out.	I can't, Mom.  If I come out Sal will kill them.
-I can't, Mom.  If I come out Sal will kill them.	Oh.  Run.
-Oh.  Run.	What the hell for?  Twenty-five years in the pen?
-What the hell for?  Twenty-five years in the pen?	Maybe...
-Maybe...	Maybe!  Aw Christ, what dreams you live on!  Maybe what?
-I'm a fuckup and an outcast.  There isn't one single person in my life I haven't hurt through my love. You understand that?  I'm the most dangerous person in the world, because if I love you, watch out, you're gonna get fucked, fucked over and fucked out!	No!
-No!	Did Pop come down?
-Did Pop come down?	No.  This really pissed him off, Sonny.  He says you're dead.  He says he doesn't have a son.
-No.  This really pissed him off, Sonny.  He says you're dead.  He says he doesn't have a son.	He's right.  You shoulda done what he did.  Go home.  Don't talk to the FBI anymore.
-Why are you doing this?	Doing what?
-Doing what?	Robbing a bank.
-Robbing a bank.	I don't know ... It's where they got the money.  I mean, if you want to steal, you go to where they got the money, right?
-But I mean, why do you need to steal?  Couldn't you get a job?	Get a job doing what?  You gotta be a member of a union, no union card - no job.  To join the union, you gotta get the job, but you don't get the job without the card.
-Get a job doing what?  You gotta be a member of a union, no union card - no job.  To join the union, you gotta get the job, but you don't get the job without the card.	What about, ah, non-union occupations?
-What about, ah, non-union occupations?	Like what?  Bank teller?  What do they get paid -  ... they pay one hundred thirty- five dollars and thirty-seven cents to start.  I got a wife and kids. I can't live on that -- You want to live on that?  What do you make a week?
-Like what?  Bank teller?  What do they get paid -  ... they pay one hundred thirty- five dollars and thirty-seven cents to start.  I got a wife and kids. I can't live on that -- You want to live on that?  What do you make a week?	I'm here to talk to you, Sonny, not ...
-I'm here to talk to you, Sonny, not ...	Wait a minute ... I'm talkin' to you.  I'm askin' you a question ...
-Wait a minute ... I'm talkin' to you.  I'm askin' you a question ...	The audience is interested in you, Sonny ... not me.
-The audience is interested in you, Sonny ... not me.	Yeah!  We're hot entertainment, right?  You got me and Sal on TV ... we're entertainment you sell, right?
-Yeah!  We're hot entertainment, right?  You got me and Sal on TV ... we're entertainment you sell, right?	You're news, Sonny ...
-You're news, Sonny ...	How much you have to pay an entertainer to fill this slot?
-How much you have to pay an entertainer to fill this slot?	Newsman, not ...
-Newsman, not ...	Okay, newsman.  How much you make a week?  You're not talkin'.  You payin' me? What have you got for me?  We're givin' you entertainment ... what are you givin' us?
-Okay, newsman.  How much you make a week?  You're not talkin'.  You payin' me? What have you got for me?  We're givin' you entertainment ... what are you givin' us?	What do you want us to give you? You want to be paid for ...
-What do you want us to give you? You want to be paid for ...	I don't want to be paid.  I'm here with Sal and eight other people ... and we're dyin'!  They're gonna blow our guts out, man!  You're gonna see our brains onna sidewalk! How's that for all you shut-ins and housewives to look at!  You gonna help, or you just put it on instead of AS THE WORLD TURNS?  We're dyin' here!  What have you got for me?
-I don't want to be paid.  I'm here with Sal and eight other people ... and we're dyin'!  They're gonna blow our guts out, man!  You're gonna see our brains onna sidewalk! How's that for all you shut-ins and housewives to look at!  You gonna help, or you just put it on instead of AS THE WORLD TURNS?  We're dyin' here!  What have you got for me?	You could give up.
-You could give up.	Oh yeah?  Give up?  You ever been in prison?
-Oh yeah?  Give up?  You ever been in prison?	Of course not ...
-Of course not ...	Then talk about somethin' you fuckin' know about ...
-This is Drake Bishop.	Mr. Bishop... this is Claremont Williams. I own the Williams Brothers armored car service.
-Mr. Bishop... this is Claremont Williams. I own the Williams Brothers armored car service.	What happened to my money, Mr. Williams?  INT. CLAREMONT WILLIAMS III BOND AGENCY -- NEXT  Claremont sits behind his desk with his phone to his ear.
-What happened to my money, Mr. Williams?  INT. CLAREMONT WILLIAMS III BOND AGENCY -- NEXT  Claremont sits behind his desk with his phone to his ear.	Yesterday I received an e-mail from a source. In this e-mail were four social security numbers linked to the gentlemen who presented counterfeit California driver's licenses to my company late last night.
-Well... I think that these are the gentlemen who robbed us. I'm also a bail bondsman out of Los Angeles. I can track down and deliver these crooks to you... for a small finder's fee of course.	How much?
-How much?	$300,000.
-And if you can't deliver them?	My theft insurance policy will have to fork over the ten million... but that will take six to eight months due to Nevada state law.  But you should know sir... that I employ bounty hunters. My bounty hunters can find these thieves.
-This is Bishop.	The Bounty Hunters have arrived. They will drop off the money in exactly one hour.  Where do you want to meet?
-The Bounty Hunters have arrived. They will drop off the money in exactly one hour.  Where do you want to meet?	Top of the World at the Stratosphere. It's completely secure.  INT. FBI JET -- NEXT  Cosgrove and Espinoza listen to this conversation.
-Holy shit... this bitch is fierce.	I've been training since I was twelve. Knives. Guns. Throwing stars. You name it... I can fight with it. I'm a hard worker and a fast learner.  Nothing scares me. I'm not afraid to die.
-Morning.	Morning.
-They can do subtitles.	Choco grew up on the streets of El Salvador. When he was four years old... he stabbed another kid in the eye-ball with a pencil.  There were wires crossed somewhere in his soul.
-Who the hell is that?	That's the crew. They follow us.
-What is it, Choco?	Are you all right?
-I LOVE YOU, DOMINO.	I once vowed never to invest too much emotion into anyone, anything.
-Alright. Time to ditch this thing. Did you take a look at the bathroom window?	I forgot.
-I forgot.	For the love of God. Not Spanish again. Who's the girl?
-Where are we going?	On a raid. If she wants to see justice... we gonna take Domino to the Jungle, baby.  EXT. JUNGLE -- NEXT  The El Camino pulls into the entrance to the JUNGLE. The neighborhood of LOW INCOME HOUSES winds upward into the HILLSIDE adjacent to the wall. Ed parks the El Camino next to the curb.  INT. EL CAMINO -- NEXT
-Bail jumper's name is Cookie Kincaid. Nineteen years old. His mommie posted bail when he was arrested for allegedly partaking in a drive-by shooting in Hawthorne.	He killed two children.
-He killed two children.	Fella takes out two kids and has the audacity to not show up for trial.
-Fella takes out two kids and has the audacity to not show up for trial.	We gotta bring him in.
-We gotta bring him in.	Will you speak the fucking English language? The poor girl has no clue what you're talking about.  The boy speaks English, you know. Reads, writes, I swear it. He does this when he's around girls. Thinks it's cute.
-Will you speak the fucking English language? The poor girl has no clue what you're talking about.  The boy speaks English, you know. Reads, writes, I swear it. He does this when he's around girls. Thinks it's cute.	I'm gonna kill you, Ed.
-Tell him it's not cute. Will you tell him, Domino!?	Chinga te y tu mama tambien.
-Jesus Christ! What's that smell?	The children like to urinate in the balls.
-The children like to urinate in the balls.	Fuckin' A! We got a five hour drive back to LA ahead of us.  EXT. MACDONALD'S -- PARKING LOT -- MOMENTS LATER  Choco is now stripped down to his boxer shorts in the back PARKING LOT of the MacDonald's. Alf is hosing him down. Domino stares at Choco... admiring his body.
-Fella could get used to a life this ordinary.	Maybe you should fuck her mom then.
-So what?	You know what I'm talking about, did you fuck her?
-I just charged $12.95 to our room for that movie. Now I'll never know how the story ends.	Don't fuck with me, Ed. Not you, not tonight.
-Oh! And another thing. I am a liar. A pathological liar. There was no day in Danang, no multiple tours in Nam. Just lies to get laid, lies to get respect.  Truth is... I'm scared shitless all the time.	What about your toe?
-What about your toe?	Anything to get the fuck out of dodge.
-Anything to get the fuck out of dodge.	Did it hurt?
-Did it hurt?	What do you think, dumbshit?
-Promise me... you won't ever tell Domino.	What?
-What?	Promise me... you won't tell her... that I never fucked Pat Benatar.
-Hello?	Mr. Cigliuti?
-Mr. Cigliuti?	Yes.
-Yes.	I'm calling from the Kappa Epsilon Gamma house at California University.
-I'm calling from the Kappa Epsilon Gamma house at California University.	Yes.  INT. KEG HOUSE -- CHAPTER ROOM -- NEXT 
-I'm so sorry to be bothering you in the middle of the night like this... but it's a bit of an emergency.	What is it?
-What is it?	Your son... and your nephew have been kidnapped by these crazy game show hosts from the Fox network.  INT. CIGLIUTI COMPOUND -- MASTER BEDROOM -- NEXT  Cigliuti sits up in bed.
-Your son... and your nephew have been kidnapped by these crazy game show hosts from the Fox network.  INT. CIGLIUTI COMPOUND -- MASTER BEDROOM -- NEXT  Cigliuti sits up in bed.	My Frances? Frances and Charles have been kidnapped?  EXT. NEVADA DESERT -- NEXT 
-Why the hell are we delivering them out here? I can't even find any warrants in the system for these four.	The system hasn't been updated.
-The FBI was breathing down Lateesha's neck... and she assumed that they were onto our scam. So she set up some college kids to take the fall for the heist. They have been under FBI surveillance for the past 6 months.  INT. CHEVY SUBURBAN  Claremont drives like a maniac.	What happened to them?
-What happened to them?	I don't know. They might be dead already.
-You're breaking up... I can't hear you.	Remove... ... the... right arm.
-Remove... ... the... right arm.	What!!?
-Okay.	I won't forget this, Domino. I'm sorry it turned out like this...
-She's right... you lost your temper... and you started cursing like some ghetto skank. You lost all credibility right there!	That bitch called me a bitch.
-I've already formulated a plan.	What?
-What?	My armored car business. We just signed a new insurance policy in Nevada. There's a loophole.
-My armored car business. We just signed a new insurance policy in Nevada. There's a loophole.	There's always a loophole with you, Claremont. Your black ass is one big loophole.  INT. VEGAS SECURITY LOCKDOWN -- [FLASH FORWARD] NIGHT
-Where are you?  INT. CHEVY SUBURBAN -- NEXT  Claremont is behind the Wheel of a BLACK CHEVY SUBURBAN. He pulls into the Texaco parking lot.	I'm pulling up right now. Evacuate the fucking van! Plans have changed!  EXT. TEXACO STATION -- NEXT
-You motherfuckin' Tino. You fucked us so bad.	I fucked up. You can't help your greedy black lying ass from trying to get everything. All you've done is put a death sentence on Meeka.
-Claremont, you're a chubby chaser.	You white folks don't understand the natural beauty of a woman's figure. Those are birthing hips. More cushion for the pushin'.
-Did you get all four?	Yep.
-Yep.	Deliver them to the Needles DMV. Sundown at the Sam Kinison monument.
-We need hostages. Celebrity hostages. Just in case this gets ugly.  EXT. NEVADA DESERT -- LATER ON  The Cast Winnebago drives through the desert.	The combination code is tattooed on his right arm. You'll never get inside Edna Fender's safe without the code-breaker on that arm.  INT. CAST WINNEBAGO -- NEXT  Domino rides shotgun with her CELL PHONE to her ear.
-Hello?	The money exchange will take place at Top of the World at the Stratosphere. Get there at exactly midnight.
-Ms. Harvey... my name is Taryn Miles. I'm a criminal psychologist working for the FBI. I'm here to ask you a few questions.	Here's the part where I'm supposed to get all defensive and say... 'not until I speak with my attorney.'
-The driver's name was Locus Fender. We know that he was in on the heist.  INT. ARMORED CAR -- NEXT  LOCUS FENDER  is behind the wheel of the armored car. His unshaven, disheveled appearance looks totally out of place in his security uniform.  INT. VEGAS SECURITY LOCKDOWN -- NIGHT  Taryn is now scrawling notes on a pad.	Where is the money?
-Where is the money?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	I think that you're lying. I think you know exactly where the money is.
-I think that you're lying. I think you know exactly where the money is.	You're trying to scare me into falsely incriminating myself... and it's not working. I said I'd tell you everything I know. You and your friends behind the mirror.
-Is it true that you were hired to track down and capture the thieves... and then deliver them to Drake Bishop... owner of the Stratosphere Hotel & Casino?	Yes.
-Yes.	You then learned where the thieves had hidden the money... and at the instructions of your employer went to retrieve it yourself.
-You then learned where the thieves had hidden the money... and at the instructions of your employer went to retrieve it yourself.	He sent us out to the Fender Compound. Out in the desert near the Chicken Ranch.
-He's a reality television producer. His name is Mark Weiss.	Mr. Weiss was very generous in turning over some video tapes to the FBI. There's lots of footage of you. We know everything.  If you don't come clean... the information on these tapes could send you to prison for a very long time.
-Are you aware that Lateesha Rodriguez has been running a counterfeit driver's license racket?	That's the rumor on the street.
-That's the rumor on the street.	What was your business with Lateesha that day?
-What was your business with Lateesha that day?	We needed to verify some bond certificates for Claremont. She pushes stuff through the system for us... helps us track down perps for a kick back. It's all legal.  INT. MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE -- [FLASHBACK] DAY 
-You drove Lateesha's daughter to school... then dropped her off at the DMV. Why?	Her car was in the shop.
-The bitch was bluffing. There were no dupe tapes. If there were... they'd have shown them to me by now.	Show me the tapes. I want to see them.
-Show me the tapes. I want to see them.	Not yet.  INT. CAST WINNEBAGO -- NEXT  Alf pulls onto the 15 FREEWAY.
-Not yet.  INT. CAST WINNEBAGO -- NEXT  Alf pulls onto the 15 FREEWAY.	Take us to Vegas.
-Now the bitch was getting personal.	That's the only way you can cope with the route your life has taken. The fact that you made the choice to pursue this life- style... much to the chagrin of your mother... who is so clearly ashamed of you.  Imagine her shame when we cart you off to prison because you won't just tell the truth about what really happened.  EXT. NEVADA DESERT -- DAY FOR NIGHT [MESCALINE TRIP]
-Take us to Vegas.  EXT. DESERT ROAD -- DAY  The crew rides in the back of the Wanderer's truck toward Vegas.  INT. VEGAS SECURITY LOCKDOWN -- NIGHT  Domino stares at Taryn as she returns to the table.	This is your last chance. Tell us everything you know.
-Do you want know the real reason why I became a bounty hunter?	No. Please enlighten me.
-No. Please enlighten me.	I became a bounty hunter because of cunts like you.  I remember all the cunts in high school who were mean to me. Eventually... they all grew up to be just like you. Angry and bitter because they peaked early... and now they're stuck in some dead end marriage... or worse yet... an unfulfilling job that keeps them from meeting a man.
-That's my best friend. His name is Choco. He's always fancied me... but too shy to ever do anything about it.	Chi-Chi!  CHI-CHI!
-Chi-Chi!  CHI-CHI!	Chi-Chi has gone to doggie heaven, bitch!
-Is that you, Domino?	Nice to see you again, Edna.
-HE'S STILL ALIVE, EDNA!	PROVE IT!
-LOCUS! BABY... I'M HERE!	Turn over your weapon, Edna!
-Is that the decoder?	Yeah.  INT. FENDER HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER 
-Either this was some kind of set up... or the First Ladies got scared... decided to pull out and cut their losses.	Fuck 'em. Their loss is our gain. Put the money in the safe until we hear from Claremont. 
-Cock-fuckers are gonna pay.	Mescaline.  INT. CAST WINNEBAGO -- NIGHT  Domino and the others are all drinking coffee. Alf stares out through the windshield at the GLOW of Vegas in the distance.
-"After dad passed on, Mum's agenda was to hit the town and find another husband with a boatload of cash.  INT. LONDON APARTMENT -- EVENING  Sophie is dolled up for a night on the town... CLEAVAGE spilling out of her cocktail dress. Domino is feeding her pet GOLDFISH. ""THUNDERBIRDS"" plays on the television."	Be kind to your sitter.
-Everything. It is a ghastly existence.	Why must you fight... everything that is normal? You are blessed with such beauty. Life could be so easy... if only you allowed yourself to fit the mold.
-Why must you fight... everything that is normal? You are blessed with such beauty. Life could be so easy... if only you allowed yourself to fit the mold.	The mold? I am living among these crypto-fascist Orange County cunts... with daddy's BMW and the boob job... just waiting to implode.
-The mold? I am living among these crypto-fascist Orange County cunts... with daddy's BMW and the boob job... just waiting to implode.	Crypto-fascist? Who talks like this?!
-Crypto-fascist? Who talks like this?!	I refuse to turn out like them. Twenty-one years old and they're already looking for a husband.  Stupid fucking cunts with no self- esteem. They let the boys control their lives. Not me.
-I refuse to turn out like them. Twenty-one years old and they're already looking for a husband.  Stupid fucking cunts with no self- esteem. They let the boys control their lives. Not me.	Must you use that awful word?
-Must you use that awful word?	Cunt.
-Cunt.	Stop it.
-Stop it.	Cunt.
-Cunt.	I said stop it.
-I said stop it.	Cunt. It's just a word. Why does everyone in this fucking country get their knickers in a twist by the slightest bit of indecent conversation?
-So who is this Choko? Is he your new boyfriend?	It's Choco. And he's not my boyfriend. He's a bounty hunter.
-It's Choco. And he's not my boyfriend. He's a bounty hunter.	Whatever. He's a criminal. And this Ed Martin character is a complete loser.
-Whatever. He's a criminal. And this Ed Martin character is a complete loser.	He used to date Pat Benatar!
-God help us. God help us all.	It was the beginning of the end.
-Don't fuck with us, Edna! There are at least three more limbs where that one came from!	I can certainly think of one more!
-My real father was an actor. He died when I was a little girl.	Wow. Laurence Harvey. He knew Frank Sinatra?  I knew Frank.
-What the... who is this bitch?  EXT. HAWTHORNE COMMUNITY CENTER -- PARKING LOT -- NEXT  Ed and Choco exit the El Camino just as Domino retrieves her knife from the windshield. She grips it in her right hand... threatening them.	Where the fuck do you think you're going?
-You want to be a bounty hunter. Why does a pretty little thing like you want to be a bounty hunter?	Because I want justice. I want to help put these sleazebags back in jail where they belong.  And I want to have a little fun.
-You can save that Pretty Woman shit. The name is Domino.	Domino. Do you have a last name... Domino?
-Domino. Do you have a last name... Domino?	No last names. Just Domino. The less you know about me the better, okay?
-So Ed. What did you do before you became a bounty hunter?	I was a musician.
-Really? Did you play in a band?	Yeah. I played base guitar for Pat Benatar.
-I... love... Pat Benatar.	Yeah?! Well... I loved her too.
-Yeah?! Well... I loved her too.	Oh my God... you mean... the two of you dated?!
-Oh my God... you mean... the two of you dated?!	We dated off and on for two years. But life on the road is tough. The pressure of the tour... relationships within a band... sometimes it leads to jealousy.
-How did you meet Choco?	I found him pan-handling on Third Street Promenade. Took him under my wing. We been hunting together ever since.
-What the fuck is your problem? Bitch!!  INT. SOPHIE TROMAS MANSION -- KITCHEN -- DAY  Domino is loading her GUN at the kitchen table as Sophie serves breakfast. Domino wolfs it down.	Mum was terrified for me. She didn't approve of my lifestyle one bit.
-I was asleep in mum's guest house.  INT. SOPHIE THOMAS MANSION -- BEDROOM -- NEXT  Domino is asleep in bed. The TELEPHONE rings.	Hello?
-Hello?	We gotta go to work, Domino.
-Can you tell?	You're wearing eyeliner. You look like a queen.
-Cool it, Choco.	YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
-Everyone... please give Domino her space. Step back, please!	You have sixty seconds... here's the question...  Which one of you is Frances?
-Where are the bond certificates for the First Ladies?	There are no bond certificates.
-There are no bond certificates.	What do you mean? Claremont didn't provide them?
-What do you mean? Claremont didn't provide them?	No. What's the big deal?
-No. What's the big deal?	Something is going down. Something bad.
-Something is going down. Something bad.	Claremont said we deliver the First Ladies in Needles. Then we go home. No questions asked.
-What did he say about the arm?	He said... take his right arm.
-Make us a pot of coffee, Edna.  It's gonna be a long night.  EXT. FENDER COMPOUND -- MOMENTS LATER  Edna stands next to her MAIMED SON near the burning barrels as they watch the Winnebago drive off into the desert. Locus is sobbing... latching onto his mother's sweater.	Turned out Edna. had one last trick up her sleeve.  INT. FENDER COMPOUND -- KITCHEN -- [FLASHBACK] TEN MINUTES AGO
-We are so fucked.	Then so be it. If you believe what that Indian said we were fucked either way.
-Uhhh... I have no idea what you just said.	SPEAK ENGLISH! JESUS CHRIST WE'RE ON TELEVISION HERE!
-Three tours? Isn't that... twelve years?	Son, with the exception of Spring Break in Tijuana, have you ever ventured outside of California?
-Son, with the exception of Spring Break in Tijuana, have you ever ventured outside of California?	Many times.
-Many times.	Do you know where Danang is?
-Do you know where Danang is?	Not really.
-Not really.	...THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP!
-We're late.	Fucking Map Quest. Never again.  EXT. DOWNTOWN GARAGE ROOFTOP -- NEXT  Ziering and Green approach a LARGE TENT. The WINNEBAGO is parked off to the side. Alf is inside... doing something with a WELDER on the front of the RV.
-They need to get the introduction on camera. Just play along, alright?	They're gonna edit it together out of sequence so it's more exciting.  EXT. BEVERLY HILLS -- LATER ON
-Listen, dick-fuck. I had a good run while it lasted. Now I've got ten million in the bank. I'll never have to work again for the rest of my life.	And he used to fuck a Playboy centerfold every night.
-And he used to fuck a Playboy centerfold every night.	Twice a night, sometimes.
-We didn't sign on for this shit.  Fuck! This shit is intense. I need to call my agent.	Just shut up and do what they say. They're gonna kill us if we don't, Ian.
-Get Cynthia on the line. They changed the fucking font.	Okay.  Domino Harvey is here.
-Okay.  Domino Harvey is here.	Send her through to the conference room.  INT. FOX TELEVISION STUDIOS -- LOBBY -- NEXT
-This could break new ground in terms of traditional host models. It's self-reflexive reality television.	Your theory is valid... in theory.
-Your theory is valid... in theory.	We can't lose focus of Domino's journey, Mark.
-We're covered on legal with that, right?	In theory.
-Fast and or furious.	But real. This is gritty. Like Cassavetes.
-But real. This is gritty. Like Cassavetes.	Exactly. Why don't you leave the guns behind this time? Go in with only batons, brass knuckles, and numb-chucks.
-This girl is going to be a star. She just tells it like it is.	We should sign her to a talent holding deal.  INT. KEG HOUSE -- FRANCES' ROOM -- NEXT
-Where is Domino?	She went up to her room.
-You were good.	Real good.
-Ain't nobody gonna call me a bitch without some payback.	Nobody.
-Gotta strip/ Gotta give some lip/ Gotta make my tip/ But keep yo hands to yourself - Cuz you ain't touching these tits.	House is a wreck/ Gotta collect my check/ Gotta perfume my neck/ But keep yo hands off the weave cuz this black bitch don't suck the dick.
-Just like Billy Ocean says. When the going gets tough...	The tough get going.
-Meeka's white blood cell count is dropping fast.	Real fast.
-How you be?	I be.  I'm living large.
-I be.  I'm living large.	Is that the only tape you got?
-You don't like Public Enemy?  It's the dope shit.	I like 'em, but you don't play anything else.
-I like 'em, but you don't play anything else.	I don't like anything else.
-I don't like anything else.	Check this out.  Y'know Sal's.
-Check this out.  Y'know Sal's.	Yeah, I know dat motherfucker.
-Yeah, I know dat motherfucker.	I'm trying to organize a boycott of Sal's pizza joint.  Ya see what I'm saying?
-I'm trying to organize a boycott of Sal's pizza joint.  Ya see what I'm saying?	I almost had to yoke him this afternoon.  Tell me, tell me, Radio Raheem, to turn my music down. Didn't even say please.  Who the fuck he think he is?  Don Corleone and shit.
-I almost had to yoke him this afternoon.  Tell me, tell me, Radio Raheem, to turn my music down. Didn't even say please.  Who the fuck he think he is?  Don Corleone and shit.	He makes all his money off us Black people and I don't see nuthin' but Italians all up in there, Sylvester Stallone and motherfuckers.  Ya see what I'm saying, homeboy?
-He makes all his money off us Black people and I don't see nuthin' but Italians all up in there, Sylvester Stallone and motherfuckers.  Ya see what I'm saying, homeboy?	Talk to me.
-Talk to me.	We shouldn't buy a single slice, spend a single penny in that motherfucker till some people of color are put up in there.
-We shouldn't buy a single slice, spend a single penny in that motherfucker till some people of color are put up in there.	That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.
-That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.	You got my back.
-Ya back is got.	My brother.
-My brother.	My brother.
-Yo!	Yes?
-Yes?	"You almost knocked me down.  The word is ""excuse me."""
-"You almost knocked me down.  The word is ""excuse me."""	Excuse me.  I'm very sorry.
-Excuse me.  I'm very sorry.	"Not only did you knock me down, you stepped on my new white Air Jordans that I just bought and that's all you can say, ""Excuse me?"""
-I'll fuck you up quick two times.	Who told you to step on my sneakers? Who told you to walk on my side of the block?  Who told you to be in my neighborhood?
-Who told you to step on my sneakers? Who told you to walk on my side of the block?  Who told you to be in my neighborhood?	I own a brownstone on this block.
-I own a brownstone on this block.	Who told you to buy a brownstone on my block, in my neighborhood on my side of the street?
-What do you want to live in a Black neighborhood for?  Motherfuck gentrification.	I'm under the assumption that this is a free country and one can live where he pleases.
-I'm gonna leave now.	If I wasn't a righteous Black man you'd be in serious trouble. SERIOUS.
-That's not even true.  I just want a slice.	Jade, you don't know this, but I'm organizing a boycott of Sal's Famous Pizzeria.
-Jade, you don't know this, but I'm organizing a boycott of Sal's Famous Pizzeria.	What did he do this time?
-What did he do this time?	Y'know all those pictures he has hanging on the Wall of Fame?
-Y'know all those pictures he has hanging on the Wall of Fame?	So?
-So?	Have you noticed something about them?
-Every single one of those pictures is somebody Italian.	And?
-And?	And I--we--want some Black people up.
-And I--we--want some Black people up.	Did you ask Sal?
-Did you ask Sal?	Yeah, I asked him.  I don't want nobody in there, nobody spending good money in Sal's.  He should get no mo' money from the community till he puts some Black faces up on that motherfucking wall.
-Buggin' Out, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but you can really direct your energies in a more useful way.	So, in other words, you are not down.
-So, in other words, you are not down.	I'm down, but for a worthwhile cause.
-I'm down, but for a worthwhile cause.	Jade, I still love you.
-How much?	You come in here at least three times a day.  You a retard?  A buck fifty.
-You come in here at least three times a day.  You a retard?  A buck fifty.	Damn, Sal, put some more cheese on that motherfucker.
-Extra cheese is two dollars. Y'know dat.	Two dollars!  Forget it!
-Sal, that might be fine, you own this, but rarely do I see any Italian Americans eating in here. All I've ever seen is Black folks. So since we spend much money here, we do have some say.	You a troublemaker?
-Don't come back, either.	Boycott Sal's.  Boycott Sal's.
-What did I tell ya 'bout dat noise?	What did I tell ya 'bout dem pictures?
-What did I tell ya 'bout dem pictures?	What da fuck!  Are you deaf?
-What da fuck!  Are you deaf?	No, are you?  We want some Black people up on the Wall of Fame.
-No, are you?  We want some Black people up on the Wall of Fame.	Turn that JUNGLE MUSIC off.  We ain't in Africa.
-Why it gotta be about jungle music and Africa?	It's about turning that shit off and getting the fuck outta my pizzeria.
-Mookie.	What?
-What?	How come you ain't got no brothers up?
-How come you ain't got no brothers up?	Ask Sal.
-Ask Sal.	Sal, how come you ain't got no brothers up on the wall here?
-Buggin' Out, I gotta work here.	I'm cool.  I'm cool.
-I'm cool.  I'm cool.	Come back in a week, it will be squashed.
-You the man.	You the man.
-You the man.	No, you the man.
-No, you the man.	No.  I'm just a struggling Black man trying to keep my dick hard in a cruel and harsh world.
-It's so nice to see a family hanging out together.	We're not hanging out.  I'm being escorted back to work.
-You a dumb-ass simple motherfucker. Where did you read that?	Don't worry about it.  But when it happens and I'm in my boat and ya black ass is drowning, don't ask me to throw you a lifesaver either.
-As I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted by the finest.	What was you saying?
-Make it plain.	OK, but listen up.  I'm gonna break it down.
-It's been about a year.	A motherfucking year off the motherfucking boat and got a good business in our neighborhood occupying a building that had been boarded up for longer than I care to remember and I've been here a long time.
-How long?	Too long!  Too long.  Now for the life of me, I haven't been able to figger this out.  Either dem Koreans are geniuses or we Blacks are dumb.
-No!	No!
-What can you say?	I don't know how he does it.
-Squash it.	I just wanted to know who named ya Sweet Dick Willie?
-The evil eye doesn't work on me.	Mother Sister, you've been talkin' 'bout me the last eighteen years. What have I ever done to you?
-Mother Sister, you've been talkin' 'bout me the last eighteen years. What have I ever done to you?	You're a drunk fool.
-You're a drunk fool.	Besides that.  Da Mayor don't bother nobody.  Nobody don't bother Da Mayor but you.  Da Mayor just mind his business.  I love everybody. I even love you.
-Besides that.  Da Mayor don't bother nobody.  Nobody don't bother Da Mayor but you.  Da Mayor just mind his business.  I love everybody. I even love you.	Hold your tongue.  You don't have that much love.
-Hold your tongue.  You don't have that much love.	One day you'll be nice to me.  We might both be dead and buried, but you'll be nice.  At least civil.
-I didn't know you had such beautiful hair.	Fool, there's a lot in this world you don't know.
-Fool, there's a lot in this world you don't know.	I'm not stopping.  I'm on my way.
-That was a foolish act, but it was brave.  That chile owes you his life.	I wasn't trying to be a hero.  I saw what was about to happen and I reacted, didn't even think.  If I did, I might not have done it in second thought.  Da Mayor is an old man, haven't run that fast in years.
-I went from first to home on a bunt single, scored the winning run, the bottom of the ninth, two out, August 1, 1939, Snow Hill, Alabama.  Maybe I should be heroic more often.	Maybe you shouldn't.  Don't get happy.  This changes nothing between you and me.  You did a good thing and Mother Sister wanted to thank you for it.
-Maybe you shouldn't.  Don't get happy.  This changes nothing between you and me.  You did a good thing and Mother Sister wanted to thank you for it.	I thank you.
-I thank you.	You're welcome.
-Good morning.	Is it a good morning?
-Is it a good morning?	Yes indeed.  You almost got yourself killed last night.
-Yes indeed.  You almost got yourself killed last night.	I've done that before.
-Where did you sleep?	I didn't.
-I didn't.	I hope the block is still standing.
-I hope the block is still standing.	We're still standing.
-Mookie.	Gotta go.
-Gotta go.	C'mere, Doctor.
-Doctor, this is Da Mayor talkin'.	OK.  OK.
-OK.  OK.	Doctor, always try to do the right thing.
-Doctor, always try to do the right thing.	That's it?
-That's it?	That's it.
-Eddie Lovell.	How old are you?
-How old are you?	Ten.
-Ten.	What makes Sammy run?
-What makes Sammy run?	My name is Eddie.
-My name is Eddie.	What makes Sammy run?
-What makes Sammy run?	I said my name is Eddie Lovell.
-I said my name is Eddie Lovell.	Relax, Eddie, I want you to go to the corner store.  How much will it cost me?
-Relax, Eddie, I want you to go to the corner store.  How much will it cost me?	How would I know how much it's gonna cost if I don't know what I'm buying?
-How would I know how much it's gonna cost if I don't know what I'm buying?	Eddie, you're too smart for your own britches.  Listen to me.  How much do you want to run to the store for Da Mayor?
-Eddie, you're too smart for your own britches.  Listen to me.  How much do you want to run to the store for Da Mayor?	Fifty cents.
-Fifty cents.	You got a deal.
-Don't you have enough sense not to bother people when they're sleeping?	Wake up!
-Wake up!	Wake up?  Saturday is the lone day I get to sleep late.
-Wake up?  Saturday is the lone day I get to sleep late.	It's gonna be hot today.
-It's gonna be hot today.	Good!  Leave me alone when I'm sleeping.  I'm gonna get a lock on my door, to keep ya ass outta here.
-Good!  Leave me alone when I'm sleeping.  I'm gonna get a lock on my door, to keep ya ass outta here.	Don't ya love ya brother Mookie anymore?  I loves ya, Jade.
-Don't ya love ya brother Mookie anymore?  I loves ya, Jade.	Do me a favor.  Go to work.
-Do me a favor.  Go to work.	Later.  Gotta get paid.
-Jade.	I'm in here.
-How come you're not at Sal's?	I'm working.
-Is this another one of your patented two-hour lunches?	I just come home to take a quick shower.
-I just come home to take a quick shower.	Sal's gonna be mad.
-Sal's gonna be mad.	Later for Sal.  Y'know, sometimes I think you're more concerned with him than me.
-Later for Sal.  Y'know, sometimes I think you're more concerned with him than me.	I think no such a thing.  Sal pays you, you should work.
-I think no such a thing.  Sal pays you, you should work.	Slavery days are over.  My name ain't Kunta Kinte.  Sis, I don't want to argue, stop pressing me.
-Slavery days are over.  My name ain't Kunta Kinte.  Sis, I don't want to argue, stop pressing me.	I just don't want you to lose the one job you've been able to keep, that's all.  I'm carrying you as it is.
-I just don't want you to lose the one job you've been able to keep, that's all.  I'm carrying you as it is.	Don't worry 'bout me.  I always get paid.
-Don't worry 'bout me.  I always get paid.	Yeah, then ya should take better care of your responsibilities.
-Yeah, then ya should take better care of your responsibilities.	What responsibilities?
-What responsibilities?	I didn't stutter.  Take care of your responsibilities.  Y'know exactly what I'm talking about.
-Hurry up and get dressed.	I'm coming.
-I'm coming.	I'm going with you.
-No.	Yo, I'm gone.
-Yo, I'm gone.	I'll see ya there.
-I'll see you out.	See ya around.
-Jade, I don't want you coming in here no mo'.	Stop tripping.
-Stop tripping.	No, you're tripping.  Don't come in Sal's.  Alright, read my lips.
-No, you're tripping.  Don't come in Sal's.  Alright, read my lips.	What are you so worked up about?
-What are you so worked up about?	Over Sal, the way he talks and the way he looks at you.
-Over Sal, the way he talks and the way he looks at you.	He's just being nice.
-He's just being nice.	Nice!
-Nice!	He's completely innocent.
-He's completely innocent.	Innocent!
-Innocent!	I didn't stutter.  You heard me.
-I didn't stutter.  You heard me.	You should see the way he looks at you.  All Sal wants to do is hide the salami.
-You should see the way he looks at you.  All Sal wants to do is hide the salami.	You are too crude.
-You are too crude.	I might be, but you're not welcome here.
-Stop trying to play big brother. I'm a grown woman.  You gotta lotta nerve.  Mookie, you can hardly pay your rent and you're gonna tell me what to do.  Come off it.	One has nuthin' to do with the other.
-One has nuthin' to do with the other.	Oh, it doesn't, huh!  You got your little 250 dollars a week plus tips...
-Oh, it doesn't, huh!  You got your little 250 dollars a week plus tips...	I'm getting paid...
-I'm getting paid...	...peanuts.
-...peanuts.	Pretty soon I'll be making a move.
-Pretty soon I'll be making a move.	I truly hope so.  I'm tired of supporting a grown man.
-Jade, you're late.	I know, Mother Sister, but I'm here now.  Where's the stuff?
-This might take some time.	I got nowhere to go.  We haven't had a good sit-down for a long while.
-Tender-headed runs in my family. You tender-headed?	Yeah, me too.
-Yeah, me too.	That's why I don't fool with it. Only let you touch it...Ouch!
-That's why I don't fool with it. Only let you touch it...Ouch!	Sorry, comb got caught.
-Sorry, comb got caught.	Be gentle, child.  Mother Sister is an old woman.
-Be gentle, child.  Mother Sister is an old woman.	How are you holding up in this weather?
-How are you holding up in this weather?	I'll do.
-I'll do.	I don't know why you still haven't bought an air conditioner.
-I don't know why you still haven't bought an air conditioner.	Don't like 'em.  A fan will do.
-You are too cruel to Da Mayor, it isn't right.	I'm not studying no Mayor.  Besides, he reminds me of my least favorite peoples.  My tenants and my ex- husband--Goddamn-bless his soul.
-Number One: I got some jive, late- rent-paying trifling Negroes in this house.  Every year I keep threatening to sell it.	And move to Long Island...
-And move to Long Island...	And move to Long Island.  Number Two: my ex-husband lost all my property, all my money in his scheme to build a Black business empire.  Needless to say what happened, this house is it, all I got.  I'm too through with yar people.
-And move to Long Island.  Number Two: my ex-husband lost all my property, all my money in his scheme to build a Black business empire.  Needless to say what happened, this house is it, all I got.  I'm too through with yar people.	Whew!
-"Twenty ""D"" Duracells."	"Twenty ""C"" Duracells."
-"Twenty ""C"" Duracells."	D, not C.
-D, not C.	C Duracell.
-C Duracell.	D!  D!  D!  You dumb motherfucker. Learn how to speak English first.  D.
-How many you say?	Twenty!  Motherfucker!  Twenty!
-Twenty!  Motherfucker!  Twenty!	Motherfucker you.
-C'mon, don't be shy.  Mmm, smells good.  This is ya Love Daddy talkin' to ya, starvin' like Marvin. Say something, Mookie.	Mister Señor Love Daddy, I'd like to dedicate the next record to my heart, Tina.
-Mister Señor Love Daddy, I'd like to dedicate the next record to my heart, Tina.	Alright.  Let me play this record while I go to work on my chicken Parmigiana hero with extra cheese and extra sauce.
-Here ya are.  Keep the change.	That's right on time.  This is my friend, Vito.  His pops is Sal.
-That's right on time.  This is my friend, Vito.  His pops is Sal.	Tell ya father he makes the best heros in Brooklyn.
-WAKE UP!	Fuck!  My money!
-Fool, you're thirty cents away from a quarter.  How you gonna get a boat?	Don't worry about it.
-Don't worry about it.	You're raggedy as a roach.  You eat the holes out of donuts.
-You're raggedy as a roach.  You eat the holes out of donuts.	I'll be back on my feet.  Soon enough.
-I'll be back on my feet.  Soon enough.	So when is all this ice suppose to melt?
-Motherfucker wasn't saying shit.	Look at that.
-It's a fucking shame.	What is?
-Sweet Dick Willie.	That's my name.
-That's my name.	Do I have to spell it out?
-Let it be broke.	Can ya dig it?
-Can ya dig it?	It's dug.
-It's dug.	Look at those Korean motherfuckers across the street.  I betcha they haven't been a year off da motherfucking boat before they opened up their own place.
-It's Miller time.  Let me go give these Koreans s'more business.	It's a motherfucking shame.
-ML?	What?
-What?	ML, hold this for me.
-Why you gotta talk 'bout my moms?	Nobody talkin' 'bout ya moms.
-I didn't say nobody, I said you.	Sweet Dick, I didn't mean it like that.
-Sweet Dick, I didn't mean it like that.	Yes you did.
-ML stands for ML.  That's it.	Naw, that's some stupid shit.  Now you know how I got that name.
-Naw, that's some stupid shit.  Now you know how I got that name.	Negroes kill me, always holdin' onto, talkin' 'bout their dicks.
-Korea man is OK.  Let's leave him alone.	Him no white.  Him no white.
-Hey!  What did I say?	Who doesn't work?  Don't start no shit, won't be no shit.
-Who doesn't work?  Don't start no shit, won't be no shit.	Mookie, no cursing in the store.
-Mookie, no cursing in the store.	Talk to your son.
-Mookie, if your friends can't behave, they're not welcome.	I got no say over people.
-Mookie, what took you so long?  I got a business to run.	Run it then.
-Mookie, get offa da phone.	Be off in a second.  Tina, I dedicated a record on Mister Señor Love Daddy's show to you.
-Mookie!  How is anybody gonna call in?	Big deal?  If that's not LOVE, I don't know what is.
-Sal, can you do me a favor?	Depends.
-Depends.	Can you pay me now?
-Can you pay me now?	Can't do.
-Can't do.	Sal, just this once, do me that solid.
-Sal, just this once, do me that solid.	You know you don't get paid till we close tonight.  We're still open.
-You know you don't get paid till we close tonight.  We're still open.	I would like to get paid now.
-I would like to get paid now.	Tonight, when we close.
-Sal, I don't care if you fire me this exact minute, leave my sister alone.	Mookie, I don't know what you're talking about, plus I don't want to hear it.
-Mookie, I don't know what you're talking about, plus I don't want to hear it.	Sal, just do me a favor, leave Jade alone.
-Sal, just do me a favor, leave Jade alone.	Here, you gotta delivery.
-Yeah, do you know 'em?	No, just checking.
-Sal, if you want me to deliver any faster, get me a jet rocket or something, cuz I can't run with pizzas, all the cheese ends up on one side and shit.	I didn't say nuthin'.  You must have a guilty conscience.  What are you guilty of?
-I didn't say nuthin'.  You must have a guilty conscience.  What are you guilty of?	I'm not guilty of nuthin'.
-I'm not guilty of nuthin'.	You must be guilty of something or you would have never come in saying the things you said.
-You must be guilty of something or you would have never come in saying the things you said.	C'mon, Sal.
-C'mon, Sal.	Where we goin'?
-Whatdafuck do you want?	I wants my money.  I wants to get paid.
-Mookie, I always liked you.  Not the smartest kid, but you're honest. Don't make me dislike you.	Sal, I want my money.
-Sal, I want my money.	Don't even ask about your money. Your money wouldn't even pay for that window you smashed.
-Don't even ask about your money. Your money wouldn't even pay for that window you smashed.	Motherfuck a window, Radio Raheem is dead.
-Motherfuck a window, Radio Raheem is dead.	You're right, a kid is dead, but Mook, this isn't the time.
-You're right, a kid is dead, but Mook, this isn't the time.	Fuck dat.  The time is fuckin' now. Y'know I'm sorry 'bout Sal's Famous Pizzeria, but I gotta live, too. I gotta get paid.
-Fuck dat.  The time is fuckin' now. Y'know I'm sorry 'bout Sal's Famous Pizzeria, but I gotta live, too. I gotta get paid.	We both do.
-We both do.	We all know you're gonna get over with the insurance money anyway! Ya know da deal.
-We all know you're gonna get over with the insurance money anyway! Ya know da deal.	Do we now?
-Do we now?	Quit bullshitting.
-Quit bullshitting.	You don't know shit about shit.
-How much?  How much do I owe you?	My salary.  Two-fifty.
-Ya just got paid, so leave me the fuck alone.	You only pay me two-fifty a week.  I owe you fifty bucks.
-You only pay me two-fifty a week.  I owe you fifty bucks.	Keep it.
-Keep it.	You keep it.
-You keep it.	Christmas came early.
-It's supposed to be even hotter today.	You gonna open up another Sal's Famous Pizzeria?
-You gonna open up another Sal's Famous Pizzeria?	No.  What are you gonna do?
-No.  What are you gonna do?	Make dat money.  Get paid.
-Make dat money.  Get paid.	Yeah!...I'm goin' to the beach for the first day in fifteen years. Gonna take the day off and go to the beach.
-Yeah!...I'm goin' to the beach for the first day in fifteen years. Gonna take the day off and go to the beach.	I can dig it.  It's gonna be HOT as a motherfucker.
-I can dig it.  It's gonna be HOT as a motherfucker.	Mookie?
-Mookie?	Gotta go.
-Gotta go.	C'mere, Doctor.
-Doctor, this is Sal talkin'.	OK.  OK.
-OK.  OK.	Doctor, always try to do the right thing.
-Doctor, always try to do the right thing.	That's it?
-I know I haven't seen you in four days.  I'm a working man.	I work too, but I still make time.
-I work too, but I still make time.	Tina, what do you want me to do?
-Tina, what do you want me to do?	I want you to spend some time with me.  I want you to try and make this relationship work.  If not, I'd rather not be bothered.
-I want you to spend some time with me.  I want you to try and make this relationship work.  If not, I'd rather not be bothered.	Alright.  Alright.  I'll be over there sometime today.
-Alright.  Alright.  I'll be over there sometime today.	When?
-When?	Before I get off work.
-Before I get off work.	Bring some ice cream, I'm burning up.  Do you love me?
-Bring some ice cream, I'm burning up.  Do you love me?	Do I love you?
-Delivery from Sal's Famous Pizzeria.	What took you so long?  Is it hot?
-What took you so long?  Is it hot?	Hot.  Hot.
-Hot.  Hot.	Come in then.
-Tina, you are too slick.	How else was I going to get you here?  I haven't seen you in a week.
-How else was I going to get you here?  I haven't seen you in a week.	I've been working hard, getting paid.
-I've been working hard, getting paid.	Where's the ice cream?  The Häagen- Dazs butter pecan?
-Where's the ice cream?  The Häagen- Dazs butter pecan?	Shit!  I forgot.
-Shit!  I forgot.	Your memory is really getting bad.
-Your memory is really getting bad.	I just forgot.
-And I really wanted some ice cream too.	I can run out and get it.
-I can run out and get it.	No!  No!  You won't come back either.
-No!  No!  You won't come back either.	I can't be staying long anyway.
-I can't be staying long anyway.	How long then?
-How long then?	Long enough for us to do the nasty.
-Long enough for us to do the nasty.	That's out.  No!  It's too hot! You think I'm gonna let you get some, put on your clothes, then run outta here and never see you again in who knows when?
-That's out.  No!  It's too hot! You think I'm gonna let you get some, put on your clothes, then run outta here and never see you again in who knows when?	A quickie is good every once in a blue moon.
-A quickie is good every once in a blue moon.	You a blue-moon fool.
-You a blue-moon fool.	Then we'll do something else.
-Then we'll do something else.	What else?
-What else?	Trust me.
-Trust me.	Trust you?  Because of trusting you we have a son.  Remember your son?
-Trust you?  Because of trusting you we have a son.  Remember your son?	Trust me.
-I'm gonna take off ya clothes.	Mookie, I told you already it's too fucking hot to make love.
-Mookie, I told you already it's too fucking hot to make love.	Why you gotta curse?
-Why you gotta curse?	I'm sorry, but no rawness is jumping off tonight.
-I'm sorry, but no rawness is jumping off tonight.	No rawness.
-Tina, you're sweating.	Of course I'm sweating.  I'm burning up.  It's hot, moron, only a hundred degrees in here.
-Of course I'm sweating.  I'm burning up.  It's hot, moron, only a hundred degrees in here.	Lie down, please.
-It's cold.	It's 'pose to be cold.
-It's 'pose to be cold.	Later for you.
-Later for you.	Meda.  Meda.
-Meda.  Meda.	What?
-What?	Tina, you don't have a forehead, you got a eight-head.
-Feels good.	Yes, yes, Lord.  Isn't this better than Haagen-Dazs butter pecan ice cream?
-Where are you going?	To get my money.
-To get my money.	Mookie, you must think I'm stupid or something.  You're gonna run outta here and I won't see your black ass for another week.
-Mookie, you must think I'm stupid or something.  You're gonna run outta here and I won't see your black ass for another week.	Tina, it's not like that.
-You don't care about me and you definately don't care 'bout your son.	Tina, I'll be right back.
-Tina, I'll be right back.	Be a man.
-Be a man.	I am a man.
-Act like one then.  Be a man.	Later.
-Later.	You're to the curb.  You better step off.  Get a life.
-Mookie, late again.  How many times I gotta tell you?	Hello, Sal.  Hello, Vito.
-Just coolin'.	You're still late.
-Shaddup, Vito.	Fuck dat shit.  I deliver pizzas. That's what I get paid for.
-Fuck dat shit.  I deliver pizzas. That's what I get paid for.	You get paid to do what we say.
-Pop, I don't believe this shit.  We runnin' welfare or somethin'? Every day you give dat bum--	Da Mayor ain't no bum.
-Da Mayor ain't no bum.	Give dat bum a dollar for sweeping our sidewalk.  What do we pay Mookie for?  He don't even work.  I work harder than him and I'm your own son.
-Give dat bum a dollar for sweeping our sidewalk.  What do we pay Mookie for?  He don't even work.  I work harder than him and I'm your own son.	Who don't work?  Let's see you carry six large pies up six flights of stairs.  No elevator either and shit.
-You talk to 'em.	People are free to do what they wanna do.
-Smack him back.	What?
-What?	Remember what I said.
-You deaf or what?	Gotta go.  See ya soon.  Everybody happy now?
-Who's your favorite basketball player?	Magic Johnson.
-Magic Johnson.	And not Larry Bird?  Who's your favorite movie star?
-And not Larry Bird?  Who's your favorite movie star?	Eddie Murphy.
-Shut up.  The Boss!  Bruuucce!!!!	"Sounds funny to me.  As much as you say nigger this and nigger that, all your favorite people are ""niggers."""
-Pino, I think secretly that you wish you were Black.  That's what I think.  Vito, what do you say?	Y'know, I've been listening and reading 'bout Farrakhan, ya didn't know that, did you?
-Y'know, I've been listening and reading 'bout Farrakhan, ya didn't know that, did you?	I didn't know you could read.
-I didn't know you could read.	"Fuck you.  Anyway, Minister Farrakhan always talks about the so-called ""day"" when the Black man will rise.  ""We will one day rule the earth as we did in our glorious past.""  You really believe that shit?"
-"Fuck you.  Anyway, Minister Farrakhan always talks about the so-called ""day"" when the Black man will rise.  ""We will one day rule the earth as we did in our glorious past.""  You really believe that shit?"	It's e-vit-able.
-It's e-vit-able.	Keep dreaming.
-Keep dreaming.	Fuck you, fuck pizza, and fuck Frank Sinatra, too.
-Fuck you, fuck pizza, and fuck Frank Sinatra, too.	Well, fuck you, too, and fuck Michael Jordan.
-Dago, wop, garlic-breath, guinea, pizza-slinging, spaghetti-bending, Vic Damone, Perry Como, Luciano Pavarotti, Sole Mio, nonsinging motherfucker.	You gold-teeth, gold-chain-wearing, fried-chicken-and-biscuit-eatin', monkey, ape, baboon, big thigh, fast-running, three-hundred-sixty- degree-basketball-dunking spade Moulan Yan.
-Wait a minute.  Wait a minute.  I just got here.  You sweep.  I betcha Sal asked you first anyhow.	That's right.
-Mister Señor Love Daddy is cool.	Ya like him, huh?
-Ya like him, huh?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	"Y'know, Vito, I know Pino is ya brother and shit, but the next time he hits ya, the next time he touches ya, you should ""house him."" Kick his ass."
-"Y'know, Vito, I know Pino is ya brother and shit, but the next time he hits ya, the next time he touches ya, you should ""house him."" Kick his ass."	I don't know.
-I don't know.	If you don't make a stand, he's gonna be beating ya like a egg for the rest of your life.
-If you don't make a stand, he's gonna be beating ya like a egg for the rest of your life.	That's what you think?
-That's what you think?	That's what I think.
-That's what I think.	I don't like to fight.
-I'll do that.	We're outta here.
-Pino, I work hard like everybody in here.	He's right.
-Pino, no joke.  C'mon, answer.	It's Prince.  He's a Prince freak.
-Whaddup.  Money?	I was going to buy a slice.
-I was going to buy a slice.	I'll be back after I make this delivery.
-I'll be back after I make this delivery.	On the rebound.
-That's the dope.	I just copped them.  Let me tell you the story of Right-Hand--Left- Hand--the tale of Good and Evil.
-I just copped them.  Let me tell you the story of Right-Hand--Left- Hand--the tale of Good and Evil.	I'm listening.
-I'm listening.	HATE!
-Brother, Mookie, if I love you I love you, but if I hate you...	I understand.
-I understand.	I love you, my brother.
-I love you, my brother.	I love you, Black.
-See, Pop.  That's just what I was talkin' about.  Every single time you tell Pino to do something, he gives it to me.	He's nuts.
-Get the broom.	I ain't getting shit.
-Me and you are gonna have a talk.	Sez who?
-Sez who?	Sez me.
-Fuck you and stay off the phone.	Forget it, Mookie.
-Some are OK.	My friends laugh at me all the time, laugh right in my face, tell me go feed the Moulies.
-I know this.	I love you.
-I love you.	I'm listening.
-I'm listening.	Good.  I want you to listen.
-Good.  I want you to listen.	Jesus Christ on the cross, I said I'm listening.
-Jesus Christ on the cross, I said I'm listening.	Good.  Vito, you trust that Mook too much.  So does Pop.
-Good.  Vito, you trust that Mook too much.  So does Pop.	Mookie's OK.
-Mookie's OK.	You listening to me?
-You listening to me?	Stop busting my balls.  I said I'm listening ten fucking times already.
-Stop busting my balls.  I said I'm listening ten fucking times already.	Mookie is not to be trusted.  No Moulan Yan can be trusted.  The first time you turn your back, boom, a knife right here.  In the back.
-Mookie is not to be trusted.  No Moulan Yan can be trusted.  The first time you turn your back, boom, a knife right here.  In the back.	How do you know this?
-How do you know this?	I know.
-I know.	You really think so?
-You really think so?	I know so.  He, them, they're not to be trusted.
-I know so.  He, them, they're not to be trusted.	So what do you want me to do?
-Be on guard.  Mookie has Pop conned already, so we have to look out for him.	I like Mookie a lot.
-I like Mookie a lot.	And that's exactly what I'm talkin' 'bout.
-Pino, get a broom and sweep out front.	Vito, get a broom and sweep out front.
-Hey!  Watch it.	I didn't want to come to work anyway.  I hate this freakin' place.
-I didn't want to come to work anyway.  I hate this freakin' place.	Can you do better?  C'mere.
-Can you do better?  I didn't think so.  This is a respectable business.  Nuthin' wrong with it.  Get dat broom.	Tell Vito.
-Pino, relax, will ya.	Here, take the broom.  The front needs sweeping.
-I should have Vito go with you all the time.	Yeah, no more ninety-minute deliveries around the corner.
-C'mere.  Don't get too friendly with da Mook.	That's gonna be the last time you hit Vito.
-Sal's Famous Pizzeria, yeah, two large pizzas, pepperoni and anchovies, hold on...  See, Pop, Mookie fucking talking on the phone and people are trying to call in orders.  He's making us lose business.	Mookie, you're fucking up.
-Mookie, you're fucking up.	Twenty minutes.  How come you niggers are so stupid?
-Turn it off.	Mister Radio Raheem, I can't even hear myself think.  You are disturbing me and you are disturbing my customers.
-Pop, I think we should sell this place, get outta here while we're still ahead...and alive.	Since when do you know what's best for us?
-Since when do you know what's best for us?	Couldn't we sell this and open up a new one in our own neighborhood?
-Couldn't we sell this and open up a new one in our own neighborhood?	Too many pizzerias already there.
-Too many pizzerias already there.	Then we could try something else.
-Then we could try something else.	We don't know nuthin' else.
-We don't know nuthin' else.	I'm sick of niggers, it's a bad neighborhood.  I don't like being around them, they're animals.
-I didn't think so.	Pop, what else can I say?  I don't wanna be here, they don't want us here.  We should stay in our own neighborhood, stay in Bensonhurst.
-Pop, what else can I say?  I don't wanna be here, they don't want us here.  We should stay in our own neighborhood, stay in Bensonhurst.	So what if this is a Black neighborhood, so what if we're a minority.  I've never had no trouble with dese people, don't want none either, so don't start none.  This is America.  Sal's Famous Pizzeria is here for good. You think you know it all?  Well, you don't.  I'm your father, you better remember that.
-You're gonna be in the street with the rest of your homeboys.	'Bout time, Pop.
-Pop, stop lying.	Shaddup!  Jade, what can I fix you?
-Vito!  Pino!  Let's go.	Be right there, Pop.  Listen to what I said.
-The both of youse, shaddup.	Tell Pino.
-Pop asked you.	I'm gonna kill somebody today.
-How ya doin', Mookie?	Whaddup?
-Both of youse--shaddup.  This is a place of business.	Tell 'em, Pop.
-Take it easy, Pop.	Don't start on me today.
-Pop, I'm gonna go with Mookie.	Good, make sure he don't jerk around.
-No, I'm not it.	"Yeah, you are. He touched you. You're ""it"" until you touch someone else."
-"Yeah, you are. He touched you. You're ""it"" until you touch someone else."	"I have five kids at home, I know how it works. I'm just not ""it"". Okay guys? Two fifty."
-You're it.	Guys. Give me the two fifty and go away.
-Yeah, we're closed. So go away.	Actually we have something for you.
-Oh my god, are you alright?	Yeah, I think.
-But I came here to learn about America.	Baby listen, there's nothing more American than not doing anything and getting away with it.
-Baby listen, there's nothing more American than not doing anything and getting away with it.	Then I'm in. Just like Jerk-Off.
-Ting tao kuun jahn leeka leeka powww.	She's saying... a beautiful swan...
-She's saying... a beautiful swan...	Sleeeeew sheek baw...
-Sleeeeew sheek baw...	... flying gracefully... over the rice fields.
-Kan maaaaw Roy Orbison kin nah mah oh che.	"... to the tune of ""Only the Lonely"" by Roy Orbison."
-I don't get it. Why'd you make him a pirate?	I'll tell you why!
-CHING CHONG, What happened to your beautiful Asian accent?	Actually, my name is Cindy, the accent just helps me meet boys.
-Hi.	Well I hope the carpet matches the drapes.
-Well I hope the carpet matches the drapes.	Excuse me.
-Excuse me.	In the new library there.
-In the new library there.	Oh, yeah. I don't think they do. You're new here, right?
-Oh, yeah. I don't think they do. You're new here, right?	Depends how you define 'new'...
-Depends how you define 'new'...	You're the kid who was home schooled.
-You're the kid who was home schooled.	Yeah. How'd you know?
-Yeah. How'd you know?	I've been assigned to write an article about you for the school paper. It was either a feature on you or the new four-color ink pens at the student store.
-I've been assigned to write an article about you for the school paper. It was either a feature on you or the new four-color ink pens at the student store.	Four colors? Neato!
-Four colors? Neato!	Yeah, well, I'd much rather write an expose or a hard hitting investigative piece, but nothing really ever happens around here. But, I chose you and that's fine.  I'm Jessica Matthews.
-Yeah, well, I'd much rather write an expose or a hard hitting investigative piece, but nothing really ever happens around here. But, I chose you and that's fine.  I'm Jessica Matthews.	HARRY Dunne.
-Hey guys.	Heddo Jeth-ica.
-Do you thill want to do an arwticle on me, Jethica?	Yes, you and the whole Special Needs class.
-Tomorrow we go on a fee-eee-eee- wald twrip.	A field trip? Maybe I'll join you. See you tomorrow.
-HARRY!	MS. HELLER said not to talk to you.
-MS. HELLER said not to talk to you.	That's because Ms. Heller doesn't want you to know this whole thing is a scam.
-That's because Ms. Heller doesn't want you to know this whole thing is a scam.	A-ha! I had a feeling it was all a fake.
-A-ha! I had a feeling it was all a fake.	You did?
-You did?	Yeah. Look at this polar bear. It hasn't moved in half an hour. And those Eskimos over there...I'm sure at least one of them is a mannequin.
-Yeah. Look at this polar bear. It hasn't moved in half an hour. And those Eskimos over there...I'm sure at least one of them is a mannequin.	Oh Harry, you're so funny. Now I have something that's kind of delicate...
-Oh Harry, you're so funny. Now I have something that's kind of delicate...	Oh, you want to talk about your delicates?
-Oh, you want to talk about your delicates?	Are you trying to be funny? Or are you actually re--, re...special
-Are you trying to be funny? Or are you actually re--, re...special	We're all special. Everyone Lloyd and I chose for the class is special.
-We're all special. Everyone Lloyd and I chose for the class is special.	You and Lloyd chose the class!?
-Excuse me?	Come over around seven.
-Come over around seven.	O'clock?
-O'clock?	Yeah...
-Yeah...	Gotcha.
-Wipe your feet. My parents are totally anal.	Ooh gross.
-Ooh gross.	Would you like something to drink?
-Would you like something to drink?	Yeah, but I'm buying.
-Okay, there's a lot for us to go over, so it may get hard for you.	Hard for me? Hard for me? Hard for me? Hard for me?  You had questions?
-Hard for me? Hard for me? Hard for me? Hard for me?  You had questions?	I checked with the school board, she's not an accredited teacher.
-I checked with the school board, she's not an accredited teacher.	That's okay. Lloyd's really the one teaching the class.
-That's okay. Lloyd's really the one teaching the class.	LLOYD? What about Ms. Heller?
-LLOYD? What about Ms. Heller?	She says that she's got more important things to do now that the new mall opened.
-She says that she's got more important things to do now that the new mall opened.	Sit down, I have something to tell you.
-Sit down, I have something to tell you.	I'm fine.
-I'm fine.	Well, I'll tell you what I think. I think she and Principal Collins are embezzling money from the school, and I think they've been doing it for years.
-What? Well now I'm in a position where I may just heed your help.	Po, po, position...? Hey, here's thought, have you a bathroom?
-Po, po, position...? Hey, here's thought, have you a bathroom?	Just down the hall.
-Just down the hall.	Very good. Back in a jiff.
-HARRY? Are you okay?	Are you kidding? I couldn't be more okay.
-Are you kidding? I couldn't be more okay.	My mom wants to know if you can stay for dinner.
-My mom wants to know if you can stay for dinner.	"Are you kidding? I'll be down in a ""I-crapped-my-pants."""
-"Are you kidding? I'll be down in a ""I-crapped-my-pants."""	What?
-What?	Coming.
-What are you wearing?	I, uh... changed for dinner. I get dressed for all my meals. Except breakfast and bath-meal.  Boy, it's hot in here. Mind if I open a window?
-Okay.	Okay, what?
-Why didn't you tell us your boyfriend was Principal Collins?	What? No! Look.
-Hey look, it's our teacher.	Of course, she's in on it too. Don't let her see you. Just go get that chest and show the world what Collins has been doing. I'm staying here.
-Uh... not a great first impression... Dinner's ready.	Then what are we doing sitting around yapping? Let's eat!
-The name's Walter.	Well la de da.
-We've got some margarine too if you'd like to scoop it out of the tub.	No, I'm fine thanks.
-No, I'm fine thanks.	Well save room for Mrs. Matthews famous baked brisket.
-Well save room for Mrs. Matthews famous baked brisket.	Famous? I've never heard of it.
-Is it true what you said to Captain Rob?	Yes, Harry. I can't home school you anymore. So maybe it's time to make some new friends, some friends your own age...
-Yes, Harry. I can't home school you anymore. So maybe it's time to make some new friends, some friends your own age...	I'm just not ready.
-Wow, a treasure map! What's the treasure?	It could be anything. You're going to discover a whole new world when you get to school.
-It could be anything. You're going to discover a whole new world when you get to school.	Wow just like Marco Polo.
-Wow just like Marco Polo.	I don't follow.
-I don't follow.	You know Mom, like in the pool.
-You're going to be just fine, HARRY.	I know I am, Mom.
-I know I am, Mom.	Here's your lunch. And an apple and banana for extra energy.
-Here's your lunch. And an apple and banana for extra energy.	Maybe the treasure's a chest full of apples and bananas!
-Mom, you know that never works.	Right.
-Oh, Harry, I'm so proud of you making a real friend.	Is it okay if he spends the night?
-Is it okay if he spends the night?	LLOYD, did you ask your parents?
-Then a sleep-over is okay by me. Okay boys, eat up.	Oh Lloyd, you gotta taste my Mom's pie!
-Oh Lloyd, you gotta taste my Mom's pie!	So boys, how was your first day?
-You could've saved that for the tooth fairy!	That's stupid! I happen to know my mom is the tooth fairy.
-That's stupid! I happen to know my mom is the tooth fairy.	Your mom is the tooth fairy? That is so cool!
-Your mom is the tooth fairy? That is so cool!	Yeah, she must do all the flying around when I'm asleep.  HARRY Dunne.
-Yeah, she must do all the flying around when I'm asleep.  HARRY Dunne.	No thanks, not hungry. Harry Dunne. Why does that name not sound familiar?
-No thanks, not hungry. Harry Dunne. Why does that name not sound familiar?	Probably because we've never met.
-Probably because we've never met.	No, that's not it. Anyway -  LLOYD Christmas.
-No, that's not it. Anyway -  LLOYD Christmas.	Here I am bragging my Mom is the tooth fairy, and I'm talking to Santa's kid!
-Here I am bragging my Mom is the tooth fairy, and I'm talking to Santa's kid!	I haven't seen you around here before.
-I haven't seen you around here before.	Home school. Til today.
-Home school. Til today.	Home school? What's that?
-Home school? What's that?	I go to school where I live.
-I go to school where I live.	Me too!
-I think it's just over there.	Is that what I think it is?
-Is that what I think it is?	No, it's a treasure map.
-No, it's a treasure map.	Cool.
-Cool.	My mom says the treasure's somewhere in the school.
-My mom says the treasure's somewhere in the school.	"I don't know. I'm pretty familiar with the school and I've never seen that ""X"". But... I do know something."
-"I don't know. I'm pretty familiar with the school and I've never seen that ""X"". But... I do know something."	What?
-What?	You're it.
-Yeah, dangerous cult. Don't make eye contact or they might talk to you.	Don't we want them to talk to us?
-Don't we want them to talk to us?	No no no no no.
-No no no no no.	Why not?
-Why not?	Well, besides cooties and other medical reasons, they're not in the cool crowd. Which I am, and you want to be. Know what I mean?
-Well, besides cooties and other medical reasons, they're not in the cool crowd. Which I am, and you want to be. Know what I mean?	No.
-Oh my gosh, I don't think she's even wearing underwear!	How nerdy is that? I'm wearing two pairs right now.
-How nerdy is that? I'm wearing two pairs right now.	Me too!
-You know Harry, this is my favorite time of day.	Yeah, it's nice. And your friend TURK is totally great.
-Yeah, it's nice. And your friend TURK is totally great.	Yeah, he's aces.  Thanks, Turk!
-God, she's beautiful. My wiener's all tingly.	Shift to your left.
-Who's Principal Collins?	The principal.
-The principal.	Wow.
-You know, you're the first person I've brought here.	Oh, is this your special place?
-Oh, is this your special place?	No, I just usually eat my lunch on the crapper. Saves time. Out with the old, in with the new.
-No, I just usually eat my lunch on the crapper. Saves time. Out with the old, in with the new.	Can we eat there tomorrow?
-Can we eat there tomorrow?	Sure, but first we have to find kids special, needy and classy enough to be in Special Needs.
-Sure, but first we have to find kids special, needy and classy enough to be in Special Needs.	It'll be like taking candy from a stranger.
-H A R R Y...	The second R is silent.
-The second R is silent.	Oh, of course.
-One day they'll find a cure.	You brave soldier.
-We're part of a special class taught by the lunch lady, er, I mean Ms. Heller. Maybe you'd like to join us, it doesn't require any walking.	And nobody will make fun of your horrible deformity.
-...oh also, we even have a slogan. 'S' and 'P' stands for 'Special People', which is the kind of kids we are. 'A' and 'Z' is for 'Aren't Zeros' because that is less then one, and when you put it all together it spells...	HARRY, what are you doing? She's a foreign exchange student. She doesn't speak the English.  CHING CHONG ching chingy chingy chong chong.
-Wow! It's a half-boy, half-horse. The boys walk up to him, impressed.	Now that's more of what we're looking for.
-Maybe we should ask Jessica to join the class.	JESSICA? Please hold for my reaction.
-Got any crazy eights?	Go fish.
-Oh, yeah. Well I almost always beat Captain Rob.	Who's Captain Rob?
-Who's Captain Rob?	Just a guy I hang out with.
-Just a guy I hang out with.	I know the type. Lives in the basement, smells like a sponge...
-I know the type. Lives in the basement, smells like a sponge...	No! Captain Rob is seven feet tall, wears an eye patch, got a hook for a hand...
-No! Captain Rob is seven feet tall, wears an eye patch, got a hook for a hand...	Sounds like a pirate.
-Sounds like a pirate.	What? No no. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, buries treasure...
-What? No no. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, buries treasure...	Yeah, he's a pirate.
-Yeah, he's a pirate.	"I don't think so. This guy drinks rum from a barrel, says ""yo ho ho"" has a peg leg..."
-"I don't think so. This guy drinks rum from a barrel, says ""yo ho ho"" has a peg leg..."	Peg leg?
-Peg leg?	Yeah, go-cart accident.
-Yeah, go-cart accident.	Exactly! A pirate!
-Exactly! A pirate!	If he heard you talking like that he'd make you walk the plank.  Three, two, one. Now it's your turn, spin.
-If he heard you talking like that he'd make you walk the plank.  Three, two, one. Now it's your turn, spin.	A-ha! You landed on Candyland! Now swallow it!
-Whoa. What was that?	What?
-What?	Your mom made a move on me.
-Your mom made a move on me.	She did not.
-She did not.	Who knows? Maybe someday I'll be your new daddy.
-Who knows? Maybe someday I'll be your new daddy.	LLOYD, she's my mom.
-LLOYD, she's my mom.	I can't help my heart. And when I'm your dad, you'll have to do as I say.
-I can't help my heart. And when I'm your dad, you'll have to do as I say.	Will not.
-Will not.	Don't use that tone with me, young man.
-Don't use that tone with me, young man.	Shut up!
-Shut up!	I will stop this car right now.
-I will stop this car right now.	You're not my real dad.
-You're not my real dad.	You take that back!
-You take that back!	Shut Up! Buttlick!
-Shut Up! Buttlick!	Where did you learn that word?
-Where did you learn that word?	I learned it from listening to you! I hate you!
-I learned it from listening to you! I hate you!	Kids.
-That would be me, sir. The wife made stew last night.	Shut up Lloyd. You're not married yet.
-Collins is a great man!	Now you see why he was elected principal?
-HARRY.	You look familiar. Did I have your brother?
-You look familiar. Did I have your brother?	No.
-No.	Okay. Anyone else have any questions?
-What's with horse-boy, now he's a bright shiny sun?	Don't look directly at him.
-...and who was Benjamin Franklin again?	The pilgrim who used penicillin to kill Godzilla.
-The pilgrim who used penicillin to kill Godzilla.	I didn't know that.
-I didn't know that.	Welcome to public school, my friend.
-Welcome to public school, my friend.	Hey, teach, how'd you get so smart?
-Hey, teach, how'd you get so smart?	When you live in the basement of the school, you breathe in a lot of chalk dust. It writes out all the answers on your brain.  Now how about a slushee?
-When you live in the basement of the school, you breathe in a lot of chalk dust. It writes out all the answers on your brain.  Now how about a slushee?	A. Slushee. Don't tell me.  Abraham Slushee. Third president of the United States.
-A. Slushee. Don't tell me.  Abraham Slushee. Third president of the United States.	And he invented fire.
-Nice jugs.	They can't be real.
-You're it.	Oh, no. You're not gettin' me again.
-You're it.	Oh! Ho! Okay. You wanna go?
-Can he do that?	HARRY, he can and he did. And now it's on like Donkey Kong.
-These are really cold, huh?	That's why you have to drink it fast, trust me.
-Owww... refreshing.	Ow... What do you want to do, HARRY?
-I don't know. Owwww.	Maybe I should go home and grade papers. Owwww.
-My head is suddenly killing me. Maybe it's from all the learning today.	Put some ice on it.
-Owww.	And my mouph is frozen.
-There she goes, now wearing nothing but her underwear.	What a nerd. I don't know where that girl's ever gonna find a husband.
-LLOYD, where've you been? I've been waiting forever. I'm so embarrassed.	Sorry. Why are you dressed like a Queen!?
-Sorry. Why are you dressed like a Queen!?	...cause you said...
-...cause you said...	HARRY, I said don't 'dress like a Queen'!
-HARRY, I said don't 'dress like a Queen'!	Oh... that makes much more sense. I had a heck of time getting these drapes from my mom. You don't want to know where I put the cord.
-Oh... that makes much more sense. I had a heck of time getting these drapes from my mom. You don't want to know where I put the cord.	HARRY! Here he comes.
-According to the map, we're just about at school.	Yeah, but we still haven't found any treasure.
-What?	Our own special bus.
-Our own special bus.	How do you know it's for us?
-How do you know it's for us?	Duh. The cool kids sit in the back of the bus. Here, every row is in the back. We're all cool!
-Nope. I was right.	Wanna bet?
-Uh oh. Captain Rob's always been my partner.	Sucks for you.
-Sucks for you.	Who's your partner?
-Who's your partner?	I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
-I don't know. I haven't decided yet.	Well... Uh...maybe... jeez, how can I say this... you and I could...perhaps ...maybe...uh... partner up?
-Well... Uh...maybe... jeez, how can I say this... you and I could...perhaps ...maybe...uh... partner up?	You and me? Dream on, desperado.
-You and me? Dream on, desperado.	Oh. Sorry. You're right, field trip partner is a big commitment.
-Oh. Sorry. You're right, field trip partner is a big commitment.	I'm kidding! Of course I'll be your partner.
-That's a cow, Harry.	Well, I could go for a tall glass of polar bear milk right now.
-Sorry about that Harry, first time I've brought a friend up there. You okay?	Yea!
-Who cares? Chicks are for fags.	I think she wants me to come over to put me into the right position to check out her delicates, what ever that means.
-I think she wants me to come over to put me into the right position to check out her delicates, what ever that means.	"Oh yeah, buddy, you're gonna get ""some""."
-"Oh yeah, buddy, you're gonna get ""some""."	Some what?
-Some what?	You know... She's gonna be all over you like a barrel of monkeys, with her tight shirt and short skirt... Eeeww, it's so faggy I can't even talk about it.
-You know... She's gonna be all over you like a barrel of monkeys, with her tight shirt and short skirt... Eeeww, it's so faggy I can't even talk about it.	Come on, Lloyd. You must know someone I can talk to.
-Come on, Lloyd. You must know someone I can talk to.	Sure I do. On one condition.
-Sure I do. On one condition.	You can't marry my mom.
-You can't marry my mom.	It's really not up to you, Harry. But we just want you to feel like you're part of the decision.
-It's really not up to you, Harry. But we just want you to feel like you're part of the decision.	Shut up!
-Shut up!	Alright, if you really want to go down this road, well girl's like chocolate.
-Oh hey Lloyd, why are you here?	Just wanted to see how your doing.
-Just wanted to see how your doing.	I kinda screwed things up.
-I kinda screwed things up.	I'm sure you're overreacting.
-I'm sure you're overreacting.	I don't think so.
-I don't think so.	You're always your harshest critic.
-You're always your harshest critic.	She wants me to stay for dinner, I don't know what to say to her.
-She wants me to stay for dinner, I don't know what to say to her.	Okay, I saw this in a movie once. Open the dining room window and follow my lead. Say what I say.
-Okay, I saw this in a movie once. Open the dining room window and follow my lead. Say what I say.	Good - thanks Lloyd! I'll meet you downstairs, I gotta find some clothes.
-HARRY, can you hear me?	Yes.
-You have beautiful eyes.	You have beautiful eyes.
-Hey, where did you come from?	Hey, where did you come from?
-Do you want me to pet your head?	I bet you want your head scratched.
-I bet you want your head scratched.	I bet you want your head scratched.
-Don't snap at me like that. You're lucky I don't punch you right in the face.	Don't snap at me like that. You're lucky I don't punch you right in the face.
-Now what are you staring at, you ugly monkey?	What are you staring at, you ugly monkey?
-Sure, I like a woman with some meat on her bones.	"So, have you given him ""some"" yet?"
-LLOYD, what are you doing? That's JESSICA and... my mom.	HARRY, this is my fantasy! I suggest you leave - before I imagine something horrible.
-HARRY, this is my fantasy! I suggest you leave - before I imagine something horrible.	But-
-But-	HARRY!
-HARRY!	You're right. Hey, thanks for the jet pack. Your fantasies are so much cooler than mine. Bye Mom.
-HARRY! I found the treasure!	Go away, assface.
-Go away, assface.	Did you hear what I said? The treasure! Like on your map!
-Did you hear what I said? The treasure! Like on your map!	"Yeah, right. Why don't you show it to your ""girlfriend""?"
-"Yeah, right. Why don't you show it to your ""girlfriend""?"	JESSICA and I are through. I couldn't stand being with her knowing you liked her. It wasn't worth our friendship. Oh, and she also has a boyfriend.
-JESSICA and I are through. I couldn't stand being with her knowing you liked her. It wasn't worth our friendship. Oh, and she also has a boyfriend.	Do you hear something, Captain Rob?
-Do you hear something, Captain Rob?	Captain Rob came back?
-Captain Rob came back?	Yeah, he does sound like a rat fink.
-Yeah, he does sound like a rat fink.	Hey, there's no reason to use that kind of language!
-Hey, there's no reason to use that kind of language!	Good one, Captain Rob. He does look like a you-know-what.
-Good one, Captain Rob. He does look like a you-know-what.	Oh, telling inside jokes now, are we? That's it. You're out of the cool crowd. Next time Turk's passing out wedgies, you ain't gettin' one.
-HARRY, would you like to share with the rest of us what's so funny?	You wouldn't get it. Just a private joke between best friends.
-No one knows?	Me, me, me!
-Me, me, me!	The answer is George Jefferson.
-By the way, did Captain Rob mention how I beat the crap out of him this afternoon?	No. What happened?
-No. What happened?	Nothing. Why, whaddya hear?
-A raft.	A blimp.
-A blimp.	A turd.
-George Washington!	Who?
-Who?	Hello, he only invented money!
-Wow, we built a whole float in one afternoon. And now the reward.	"What do you mean? We can't go in there or we'll be ""it""."
-If you have to ask, you don't know.	Yeah, that's why I asked.
-Yeah, that's why I asked.	You certainly did.
-You certainly did.	I know I did.
-I know I did.	Sorry, no further questions.
-You're it.	Am not.
-Am not.	Are, too.
-Are, too.	D2.
-It's okay. I want the rush.	No. Look.
-Hey, it's Jessica.	That must be her boyfriend's car.
-PRINCIPAL COLLINS is her boyfriend!	Now it makes total sense why she didn't want him to know we were in his office the other night.
-No wonder we both struck out with her. Who can compete with the sexual power of the man who occupies the highest office in the land?	He's like the Pope. Like we're gonna snake a girl away from the Pope.
-He's like the Pope. Like we're gonna snake a girl away from the Pope.	Hey, let's go spy on them.
-Cute puppy.	He must be on his way to pee out a fire.
-Hey, look. Ice cream.	You thinking what I'm thinking?
-You found my treasure? Why didn't you tell me.	Three words. I did. But you were all mad at me and wouldn't listen.
-Three words. I did. But you were all mad at me and wouldn't listen.	Well, I'm listening now.
-Well, I'm listening now.	Me, too. This is my favorite part of the tape.
-You know Lloyd, the real treasure is our friendship.	How true. But I still feel I deserve more than you do of this treasure. I mean, I found it.
-How true. But I still feel I deserve more than you do of this treasure. I mean, I found it.	But my mom gave me the map.
-But my mom gave me the map.	I lugged it all over town!
-I lugged it all over town!	I made the polar bear pants.
-I made the polar bear pants.	But I ate your Mom's pie.
-But I ate your Mom's pie.	I... found that rock.
-I... found that rock.	It was a diamond and you swallowed it.
-Enough! Look what this cursed chest is doing to us.	I don't know who we are anymore.
-I have no idea - it's full of files and documents and tapes.	Do you know what this means?
-Hey Lloyd. This looks like another one of your mix tapes.	Maybe the pirate who buried this treasure chest made it. Put it on.
-That makes total sense. The treasure chest was in his office. Which means Principal Collins is a pirate! I'm surprised Captain Rob never mentioned him.	That's because Captain Rob is not a pirate. We've been through this.
-What was it Jessica wanted us to do with this chest again?	Something about showing the world what Principal Collins has done.
-Something about showing the world what Principal Collins has done.	Right. She's so proud of her boyfriend.
-What? What did we do?	We never thanked him for giving us our Special Needs class.
-We never thanked him for giving us our Special Needs class.	That's what Jessica was talking about!
-That's what Jessica was talking about!	She wants us to show the world what a great guy Principal Collins is.
-She wants us to show the world what a great guy Principal Collins is.	And like she said, do it before the parade.
-A float!	That's it. Build him a float for the Thanksgiving Day parade!
-HARRY, we found the real thing to be thankful for. Screw George Washington!	Yes. Screw George Washington. Just like Marilyn Monroe did.
-Ready Lloyd?	Put a fork in me Harry, lets get started.
-Wait, wait!	HARRY, are we gonna build this thing or not?
-HARRY, are we gonna build this thing or not?	LLOYD, what I'm saying is we may already have what we want.
-Guys, this is much better.	PRINCIPAL COLLINS is a greater American than George Washington will ever be.
-Oh my god. Can you believe your ears?	Yeah! No more clicks and whistles! Now she speaks perfect English!
-Yeah! No more clicks and whistles! Now she speaks perfect English!	You're a great teacher, Lloyd.
-Start the tape, Lloyd.	Roger that, Wilco.
-Oh, good. There's Jessica.	How could she miss this? This whole salute to Collins was her idea.
-Hey there goes Principal Collins!	He's so modest. Probably embarrassed by all the attention.
-He's so modest. Probably embarrassed by all the attention.	Well, that's too bad, this is his day.
-Oh my God! She's two-timing PRINCIPAL COLLINS!	And with that complete loser
-Ya know Harry, I think this whole experience has soured me on women.	Yeah, we should never let a woman come between us again.
-Yeah, we should never let a woman come between us again.	I don't think that'll happen. We've learned a valuable lesson we won't ever forget.
-Hold up. First, we have to decide who gets who, remember? No more competition?	Right.
-Right.	Okay. Which one do you want?
-The one on the left.	Damn! What are the odds?
-Damn! What are the odds?	What?
-What?	That's the one I wanted.
-She's one of a kind.	Try one in a million!
-Try one in a million!	Well, what should we do?
-You take her.	No Lloyd. Chicks are for fags - I'm not going to do it.
-Sorry, Charlie.	Hey, where'd you go?
-Beats me. It's Jessica's Dad - she said he's really anal.	That's gross.
-That's gross.	I know.
-MS. HELLER, mind if I tag along on your field trip? I'm thinking of doing a story on your special needs class.	I'm not interested. Not after the smear story you did on my chicken sushi.
-I'm not interested. Not after the smear story you did on my chicken sushi.	Well, when 200 students are hospitalized with stomach cramps I think it's newsworthy.
-Well, when 200 students are hospitalized with stomach cramps I think it's newsworthy.	Nevertheless, you could have mentioned the sauce.  Well, I see you have a camera.
-Nevertheless, you could have mentioned the sauce.  Well, I see you have a camera.	So can I come along?
-So can I come along?	No.
-Are you wearing a coconut bra?	Oh, you're good.
-Oh, you're good.	Why are you teaching Special Needs? You're the lunch lady.
-Why are you teaching Special Needs? You're the lunch lady.	Dietician! This interview is over. You can have the camera back tomorrow. Come by the classroom. Heller heads off.
-Dietician! This interview is over. You can have the camera back tomorrow. Come by the classroom. Heller heads off.	You mean the lunch room?
-I thought I told you to get lost.	Look Ms. Heller, there's something fishy here, and I don't think it's Friday's special.
-Look Ms. Heller, there's something fishy here, and I don't think it's Friday's special.	I wouldn't know. Being that I'm just the teacher and all.
-You had some questions.	Last year Toby was in A.P. English. And Lewis won the Science Fair. What are they doing in Special Needs?
-Last year Toby was in A.P. English. And Lewis won the Science Fair. What are they doing in Special Needs?	Poor question. Too wordy. A good question gets right to the point. Example, where's my chest?
-Poor question. Too wordy. A good question gets right to the point. Example, where's my chest?	I don't know what you're talking about.
-I don't know what you're talking about.	Oh I think you do.
-My parents are going to wonder where I am.	One phone call from the principal will take care of that, my dear.
-So what did you say to my parents on the phone?	Not to expect you tonight.
-I'm going to ask you one last time and if I don't get an answer, I don't even want to think about the consequences which would be frightening to say the least. Where's my chest, Jessica?	I don't know what you're talking about.
-Well, what have we here? It appears be a tape.	That's not your tape.
-That's not your tape.	Then where did you get this not my tape.
-Then where did you get this not my tape.	THAT'S NOT YOUR TAPE.
-THAT'S NOT YOUR TAPE.	Don't play with me dear, you're way out of your league.
-TURK, leave him alone.	TURK, leave him alone.  You're coming too.
-TURK, what are you doing here?	Special Needs class.
-Special Needs class.	Being a jerk doesn't make you special.
-Being a jerk doesn't make you special.	You're just jealous.
-You're just jealous.	And, Ching Chong, you're not a Special Needs kid. You're just a foreign exchange student.
-Hey, Turk rescued you from the nerd. You're in!	I'll talk to you later.
-HARRY, I heard Collins has you in some kind of special class.	If dou're trying to get in, dou're doo late.
-If dou're trying to get in, dou're doo late.	Oh no, I know that class isn't for me. But I'm happy for you guys.
-Why ith dat newth?	This school's never had one before. I'd like to talk to you and all your special friends.
-Yes, what?	Don't answer me. Say what I say.
-Well I was born in St. Louis.	Do you want me to pet your head?
-What are you doing here?	Checking up on my friend, Harry.
-Checking up on my friend, Harry.	Oh Harry's doing just fine, he's just about to open up.
-What?	"You know, ""some"". The fag stuff."
-"You know, ""some"". The fag stuff."	HARRY and I have been talking about school. In fact, I want to ask you something.
-HARRY and I have been talking about school. In fact, I want to ask you something.	I know, you want go for a ride.
-Where'd that come from? He holds up a giant key chain.	Come on, I live with the janitor. I have a key to every room in the school.
-Come on, I live with the janitor. I have a key to every room in the school.	So could you get us into the principal's office?
-So could you get us into the principal's office?	Principal's office? Yeah, I guess I can swing that.
-So, when can we do it?	Tomorrow night?
-Oh, baby, you're the bestest.	Oh, go on.
-Well, something stinks.	Maybe it's this mix tape I made you. Or maybe these flowers. He gives Jessica the flowers and tape.
-Maybe it's this mix tape I made you. Or maybe these flowers. He gives Jessica the flowers and tape.	Uh, thanks. God I'm so excited! So, are you ready to take me to the principal's office? He whips out the key, she takes it.
-Uh, thanks. God I'm so excited! So, are you ready to take me to the principal's office? He whips out the key, she takes it.	So no small talk? Good, 'cause I don't know how to make that. Yep. Small talk. Not for me. Not a fan.  Got any hobbies? How 'bout this weather?
-What are you doing?	Let's just do it and get out of here.
-I'm so close I can feel it.	Me too. I'm almost there.
-Me too. I'm almost there.	That's it. I'm done.
-That's it. I'm done.	That was fast. Well, did you at least enjoy it?
-That was fast. Well, did you at least enjoy it?	No, it was a complete waste of time.
-No, it was a complete waste of time.	This is so embarrassing, it's never happened before. Well, maybe a couple of times, but I was alone.
-That's my boyfriend.	Boyfriend? What about all that talk about riding my waxer?
-Boyfriend? What about all that talk about riding my waxer?	Thanks, Lloyd. But I didn't find what I was looking for. Oh can you do me a favor and clean up? Collins can't know we were here.
-HARRY! Lloyd! You guys are a mess.	Looks like the best man won.
-... If I may quote the twentieth century poet  - Joe Piscahpo:  You look Marvelous...	LLOYD, when we were in Principal Collins's office, did you see any kind of chest?
-LLOYD, when we were in Principal Collins's office, did you see any kind of chest?	HARRY's treasure chest? Sure. I know where that is.
-Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I can take care of myself and I'm getting the story every high school reporter dreams of.	"""My dream date with Principal Collins."""
-He's going to be in jail for a long time.	Principal of jail. Wow. What a promotion.
-Well I need to get a job and you're telling me that if I join up - I can really come and go whenever I want?	You were born free and free you should remain.
-Do I know you?	Duh. I'm in your class at school.
-Duh. I'm in your class at school.	Oh my God, it's really you. You're HARRY's friend, right?
-Oh my God, it's really you. You're HARRY's friend, right?	"I don't know if you'd call us ""friends""..."
-"I don't know if you'd call us ""friends""..."	You really are a pirate.
-You really are a pirate.	Can you believe it?
-Can you believe it?	"So I'm an ""arrrrrs-hole"", eh Captain Rob?"
-"So I'm an ""arrrrrs-hole"", eh Captain Rob?"	What are you talking about?
-Hello, little orphan boy. What happened to you?	Skateboard.
-What? It's nothing, the cast comes off in six weeks.	Of course it does.  Obviously in denial.  Maybe we can help.
-How much homework is there?	That's the downside. There is none.
-That's the downside. There is none.	Wait a minute. I can spend the whole year in a class taught by the lunch lady? Can I bring my girlfriend?
-Wait a minute. I can spend the whole year in a class taught by the lunch lady? Can I bring my girlfriend?	You can bring whatever you want, little friend.
-Sure.	Go in there and get us two slushees.
-Go in there and get us two slushees.	Okay.
-Okay.	Do we have a deal?
-Do we have a deal?	Yeah, deal. Give me the two dollars.
-Yeah, deal. Give me the two dollars.	"Ha! I said ""doll-hairs."" Psych! But a deal's a deal, my friend. In you go."
-"Ha! I said ""doll-hairs."" Psych! But a deal's a deal, my friend. In you go."	Fine. Give me the doll hairs.
-Fine. Give me the doll hairs.	Uh-oh. Harry?
-Thanks for the grub, Mrs. D. Where's Mr. D?	He passed away three years ago.
-He passed away three years ago.	Well he missed a great pot of stew!
-Well he missed a great pot of stew!	It was meatloaf. You just put everything in your soup.
-It was meatloaf. You just put everything in your soup.	I liked it a lot.
-Hey you two. Lights out.	Hey can be on top?
-Mrs. D! I was hoping you'd show up.	Oh honey, I wouldn't miss this for the world.
-Oh honey, I wouldn't miss this for the world.	Have you got what I want?
-Have you got what I want?	You know I do!
-You know I do!	Oh yeah, give it to me.
-How was that?	It's too close to call.  Okay next contest, now lets...
-Senior year. My little boy. Who woulda thunk it?  You're a good kid, Lloyd. I don't say it enough, but I'm proud of you son.	Thanks, Pop.
-LLOYD, may I see you a minute?	Class, please study on your own. There seems to be a family emergency because there's no other reason why my father would interrupt me WHILE I'M WORKING!
-What are you crazy kids doing in my tool shed?	"We're not crazy. We're ""special"". PRINCIPAL COLLINS wants us to have our own classroom!"
-"We're not crazy. We're ""special"". PRINCIPAL COLLINS wants us to have our own classroom!"	My boy's special, well how about that. I knew you were different.
-My boy's special, well how about that. I knew you were different.	So I guess you'll need a new spot for your moonshine.
-So I guess you'll need a new spot for your moonshine.	I reckon so.
-Your assignment is to pick the class. Find some other students just as special as you.	Will that be on the midterm?
-Will that be on the midterm?	No.
-Sorry, Ms. Heller. I think they're used to me teaching.	"People! Come on. ""Parade"" float."
-That's not bad. How about a float of George Washington crossing the Delaware?	Or maybe crossing a river!
-Obviously.	So miss snoopy reporter girl, it appears that you've snooped yourself into a corner and snoopcuffed yourself to a desk. Whose wearing the Coconut bra now?
-Let's go Margie. The museum ain't going to teach itself.	Museum huh, haven't been there since my husband left me. I love art.
-Looking for a scoop, huh? I'll give you a scoop... of short bus.  Lose her!	Loser... oh yeah he was a loser alright. A big loser.
-Loser... oh yeah he was a loser alright. A big loser.	What?
-What?	He was a big loser! What are you deaf!?
-He was a big loser! What are you deaf!?	Uh, no and I don't appreciate...turn down here!
-That's great, now make a left, then straight!	Oh, yeah he was straight all right, just wasn't very good in the sack. I used to give him directions. Higher, lower, faster, harder, small circles, do the alphabet. Useless.
-Left here! Left!	You bet I left him, took the dog and we was history.
-Ha! Too big to make the turn!	No, it actually fit quite nicely.  Well, except for the fact that it wasn't really as long as it was wide.
-I think you did it.	Damn right I did it. Went back and set the house on fire, his little floozy testified in court - and I ended up doing ten years at Rikers, got my teeth knocked out by Mike the Dyke.
-Damn right I did it. Went back and set the house on fire, his little floozy testified in court - and I ended up doing ten years at Rikers, got my teeth knocked out by Mike the Dyke.	What the hell are you talking about?
-I'm not sure if I can do this.	Sure you can. We gotta nail this guy. You'll be fine.
-Sure you can. We gotta nail this guy. You'll be fine.	Collins can be a pretty crafty guy, what do I do if he smells the trap.
-Collins can be a pretty crafty guy, what do I do if he smells the trap.	I don't think he'll smell anything - just make sure he takes the check. I've been through this a hundred times.
-I don't think he'll smell anything - just make sure he takes the check. I've been through this a hundred times.	Well you know Detective, he's expecting  'Moffit' to be someone who has... certain... well...
-Well you know Detective, he's expecting  'Moffit' to be someone who has... certain... well...	Yeah, I get it. Don't worry I studied acting at the police academy just let me do the talking and you'll be fine.
-I am strong!	Yes you are.
-I can turn on all the faucets in my house.  Even the hose.	But we don't drink from the house do we.
-"... and, Principal Collins, you'll be pleased to know that this year Wednesdays are ""South of the Border"" days. We'll serve a spicy tuna tamale along with a cheese quesadilla."	Good. Good. Good. Well, that's good.
-God, I've missed you.	And I you.
-You know honey, I've finally figured out a way of bilking enough money from the school to get us that condo in Waikiki.	How baby-cakes? You've done it all.
-How baby-cakes? You've done it all.	Small potatoes. This one is big time. This is visionary. This idea is genius.
-It's the big potato.	Yes, it's the big potato. Just have a look at this.
-Anyway, the state is giving a hundred thousand dollars in his name to every school that has a Special Needs class.	Oh, this is fantastic. So all we have to do is kill this Moffit guy and we get all the money!
-Oh, this is fantastic. So all we have to do is kill this Moffit guy and we get all the money!	No. No. That's not it. We don't kill him. We don't kill anybody. But I like the way you're thinking. You're focused and you're trying to follow. No, what we need to do is start a fake Special Needs class.
-No. No. That's not it. We don't kill him. We don't kill anybody. But I like the way you're thinking. You're focused and you're trying to follow. No, what we need to do is start a fake Special Needs class.	We start our own class?
-We start our own class?	Maybe someday. Aloha cold weather, aloha hot weather.
-"You said ""aloha"" twice."	Aloha means hello and goodbye.
-Aloha means hello and goodbye.	Oh wow. Look at you.
-Times two.	I think you'll make a good teacher.
-To take a picture for Superintendent Zimmer?	Yes!
-So far so good. We'll need more pictures. Why don't you take them on a field trip tomorrow.	And...?
-And...?	And, take some more pictures.
-And, take some more pictures.	Wow, you are smart.
-Wow, you are smart.	And you are great in bed.
-Knock knock.	Who's there?
-Who's there?	"Guess what""s under these coconuts."
-"Guess what""s under these coconuts."	What?
-What?	It's a surprise.
-It's a surprise.	Well I've got a little surprise for you.
-Well I've got a little surprise for you.	You got the Extender?
-You got the Extender?	No. No. I heard from Superintendent ZIMMER this morning and evidently he's so impressed with our Special Needs class, he's bringing Richard MOFFIT himself to the Thanksgiving Day parade- check in hand.
-No. No. I heard from Superintendent ZIMMER this morning and evidently he's so impressed with our Special Needs class, he's bringing Richard MOFFIT himself to the Thanksgiving Day parade- check in hand.	Monkey, this is too exciting! I can't believe our dream is coming true.
-So what do you keep in there?	Oh, things. Photos. Tapes. I tape everything that goes on in this office.
-Oh, things. Photos. Tapes. I tape everything that goes on in this office.	Everything?
-Everything?	Everything. Just for the record.
-Oh, just like the President.	Just like the President.
-Baby, I'm going to spend the morning at the mall. You know, shop for Waikiki. Honey, what are you looking for?	The chest! The chest that I put my papers in.
-The chest! The chest that I put my papers in.	What papers?
-What papers?	The documents. The photos! The tapes! The evidence.
-The documents. The photos! The tapes! The evidence.	The evidence of what?
-The evidence of what?	Sweetheart keep up with me for half a minute. The evidence of every scam we ever pulled. The evidence that's going to put us away for twenty years.
-Where is it?	I don't know where it is. It's not here. It's been stolen.
-I don't know where it is. It's not here. It's been stolen.	Wait a minute, I think I know who stole it.
-Wait a minute, I think I know who stole it.	No you don't know who stole it. Just let me do the thinking.
-It was Jessica. That girl who tried to follow me on the field trip.	JESSICA. Are you sure?
-JESSICA. Are you sure?	She's been snooping around a lot, asking questions.
-She's been snooping around a lot, asking questions.	Okay, I'll take care of Jessica.
-Okay, I'll take care of Jessica.	Are you going to kill her?
-Are you going to kill her?	Why don't you see to it the kids are ready for the parade tomorrow. I have to pay somebody a little visit.
-So the chest is still out there somewhere.	Yes. So as soon as Zimmer shows up, we'll get our check and blow this pop stand before anyone finds out anything.
-Yes. So as soon as Zimmer shows up, we'll get our check and blow this pop stand before anyone finds out anything.	This band sounds terrible.
-I sold all the wind instruments.  Hawaiian Air, business class. And you like that new fur coat?	Love it!
-Love it!	Well there's a reason why that mascot isn't a stallion anymore.
-This is horse?	No... no it's not horse, you see I sold the horse.
-My Lord!	Piter.
-The Atreides will be leaving Caladan soon, Baron, and I have here your answer from Duke Leto.	What does Leto say, Piter?
-What does Leto say, Piter?	He wishes to inform you that Vendetta -- as he puts it, using the ancient tongue, the art of Kanly -- is still alive. He does not wish to meet or speak with you.
-He wishes to inform you that Vendetta -- as he puts it, using the ancient tongue, the art of Kanly -- is still alive. He does not wish to meet or speak with you.	I made my peace gesture... the forms of Kanly have been obeyed.
-It was Feyd?  It was Feyd!  Where is the ducal signet ring?  I must have his ring.	The ring?... he was brought to us as is, Baron.  I...
-The ring?... he was brought to us as is, Baron.  I...	You killed the doctor too soon, you fool!
-So you are Dr. Kynes, the Imperial Ecologist?	I prefer the more ancient term, planetologist... Noble Born.
-I prefer the more ancient term, planetologist... Noble Born.	This is my son, Paul.
-I understand we have you to thank for these stillsuits, Doctor.	They are Fremen suits. I hope they fit well, my lord.
-My thanks.	With your permission...
-What happens now?	The carryall will come and lift off the spice harvester. Try and get in close over the harvester... you'll find this interesting Sire. -- The Duke accelerates the ornithopter in the direction of the harvester. Paul can SEE...
-What's that you're saying?	Nothing.
-A Third Stage Guild Navigator will be here within minutes!	We felt his presence.
-We felt his presence.	I shall want telepathy during his visit and a report when we're finished.
-I shall want telepathy during his visit and a report when we're finished.	Their minds are so.... They move in strange directions....
-Their minds are so.... They move in strange directions....	Yes?
-Yes?	Forced spice evolution of humans changes many things.... I must sit close to him.
-Forced spice evolution of humans changes many things.... I must sit close to him.	He will not permit anyone but me to see him. You must be outside this room.... Do what you can.
-He will not permit anyone but me to see him. You must be outside this room.... Do what you can.	I am your Truthsayer, my lord...  He is here, my lord.
-Yes, my Lord.	We are alone...
-We have just folded space from Ix...	Yes?... How was your journey?
-Yes?... How was your journey?	Many machines on Ix... new machines.
-Many machines on Ix... new machines.	Oh yes? -- NAVIGATOR Better than those on Richesse.. You are transparent... I see many things... I see plans within plans.
-I see two Great Houses -- House Atreides, House Harkonnen -- feuding... I see you behind it.	Yes.
-You must share with us. -- EMPEROR The Atreides house is building a secret army!... using a technique unknown to us... a technique involving sound. The Duke is becoming more popular in the Landsraad... he could threaten me.... I have ordered House Atreides to occupy Arrakis to mine the spice... thus replacing their enemies the Harkonnens.... House Atreides will not refuse because of the tremendous power they think they will gain. Then, at an appointed time Baron Harkonnen will return to Arrakis and launch a sneak attack on House Atreides... I have promised the Baron five legions of my Sardaukar terror troops.	So the Harkonnens will rid you of House Atreides...
-So the Harkonnens will rid you of House Atreides...	Yes.
-Can you hear me?... If this visit has anything to do with spice... -- The Guild Navigator shudders and swishes quite violently in his tank.	LISTEN TO ME!! The spice must flow... the spice has given me accelerated evolution for four thousand years... it has enabled you to live two hundred years... the spice helps make the sapho juice, which gives the red-lipped mentats the ability to be living computers... the secret side of spice... the water of life.
-I can assure you...	Do not interrupt!!! Do not speak lightly of the spice... ONE SMALL POINT...
-So, this is Leto the Just...	"I hope I made myself clear. You may call him ""The Duke,"" ""My lord,"" or ""Sire."" And there is a more ancient term you might keep in mind -- ""Noble Born."""
-"I hope I made myself clear. You may call him ""The Duke,"" ""My lord,"" or ""Sire."" And there is a more ancient term you might keep in mind -- ""Noble Born."""	Play out your little comedy while you can off-worlders...
-The Duke is to be addresses as... -- Kynes comes forward and adjusts the Duke's suit, checking seals and pulling on straps.	Basically...
-Basically...	Sire!
-Yes, Sire.	It's a high-efficiency filter and heat exchange system. Perspiration passes through the first layer and is gathered in the second. The salt is separated. Breathing and walking provide the pumping action. The reclaimed water circulates to catchpockets from which you can drink through this tube at your neck. Urine and feces are processed in the thigh pads. Should you be in the open desert, remember to breathe in through your mouth, out through the nose tubes.
-Dust cloud ahead, Sire.	That's it... spice mining... no other cloud quite like it. See the spotters over it? They're watching for wormsign... the telltale sand waves. Seismic probes on the surface, too Sire... worms can travel too deep for their waves to show... Looks like a good patch of spice.
-No music. I'm packing this for the crossing. Shield practice.	Shield practice? Gurney... we had practice -- this morning..... I'm not in the mood.
-Shield practice? Gurney... we had practice -- this morning..... I'm not in the mood.	Not in the mood?! Mood's a thing for cattle and love play... not fighting.
-Not in the mood?! Mood's a thing for cattle and love play... not fighting.	I'm sorry Gurney.
-I'm sorry Gurney.	Not sorry enough.
-What's gotten into Gurney? He's not faking. Paul presses forward and the fight moves quickly around the room. The smell of ozone grows stronger as the shields hit and SPARK off one another. Paul directs a parry downwards, turns, and leads Gurney against the table, plunging at just the right moment to pin Gurney against the table top with his blade right at Gurney's neck.	Is this what you seek?
-Is this what you seek?	Good... the slow blade penetrates the shield... but look down.
-"We'd have joined each other in death. However, you did seem to finally get the ""mood""."	Would you really have drawn my blood?
-Would you really have drawn my blood?	If you'd fought one whit below your abilities I'd have scratched you a good one.
-Things have been so serious here lately.	Yes. I sensed the play in you lad, but this can no longer be play. Tomorrow we leave for Arrakis! Arrakis is real. The Harkonnens are real.
-You've no need of your weapons with me Gurney Halleck.	Paul!!  Paul!!
-Paul!!  Paul!!	Don't you trust your own eyes.
-Don't you trust your own eyes.	They said you were dead.  They said...
-Gurney... I see Thufir Hawat among the captives.  Let him stand free.	My Lord?
-My Lord?	Let him stand free!
-This is a Harkonnen animal.  Let me, please, my Lord.	The Emperor's blade.
-Perhaps these are the ones Mapes told us of.	Are you trained in the ways of the desert?
-Are you trained in the ways of the desert?	No, but many consider my training valuable.
-No, but many consider my training valuable.	I will take the boy-man... he shall have sanctuary in my tribe... -- A LOW NOTE on a dip stick is blown by one of the Fremen tribe.  Jessica shifts, Paul sees it, and just as Stilgar begins a reach for his weapon, Jessica turns, slashes out, utters a SOUND, whirls again and with rock behind her holds Stilgar helpless in front of her -- her hand at his throat. Paul moves on her first move.  He races up a rocky incline.
-Stop!  Get back!!  She has the weirding way.  Why didn't you tell us!  Great gods... if you can do this to the strongest of us you're worth ten times your weight of water.  As a leader of my people I give you my bond: teach us this weirding way and you both shall have sanctuary.  Your water shall mingle with our water.	Then I will teach you our way of battle....  you have the word bond of a Bene Gesserit.
-Sayyadina.  Our Reverend Mother tells me she is too old... She has been calling through space and time for you to come and let her rest.  She asks that you pass within.	They want me to take the Water of Life... the Truthsayer drug... so dangerous, yet... we must move swiftly if we're to secure our place among these Fremen.  I will try to pass within.
-They want me to take the Water of Life... the Truthsayer drug... so dangerous, yet... we must move swiftly if we're to secure our place among these Fremen.  I will try to pass within.	Death may be the result....  Are you sure?
-Death may be the result....  Are you sure?	I must do this for Paul, but what of my unborn child?
-You know the ancient tongues?	I know the Bhotani Jib and Chakobsa, all the hunting languages.
-I know the Bhotani Jib and Chakobsa, all the hunting languages.	As the legend says.
-As the legend says.	That's it! The Missionaria Protectiva has been here planting protective legends against a day of Bene Gesserit need. And that day has come. I must play out this sham.  I know the Dark things and the way of the Great Mother. Miseces prejin.
-Do you know this my lady?	It could only be one thing....  It's a crysknife.
-It could only be one thing....  It's a crysknife.	Say it not lightly...  Do you know its meaning?
-Say it not lightly...  Do you know its meaning?	Here is why this Fremen has taken service with me, to ask that one question. Delay is as dangerous as the wrong answer. Shadout is Chakobsa... knife, in Chakobsa is... maker of death.  It's a maker...
-Maker?... Maker is the key word... the tooth of the worm? That was close...  Did you think that I, knowing the mysteries of the Great Mother, would not know the maker?	My lady, when one has lived with prophecy for so long, the moment of revelation is a shock.
-Paul, this is the Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam. She is going to... observe you...  Please... -- REVEREND MOTHER Jessica, you know it must be done. I enjoin you to stand guard at the door and practice the meditation of peace.	Your Reverence.
-Your Reverence.	What does she fear?  What about my Father?
-What does she fear?  What about my Father?	Paul... please, Paul... listen to the Reverend Mother and do what she tells you.
-Don't touch my mother...	Oh great mother!  He's trying the voice. The Reverend Mother said it could save him.
-Remove her gag!	Excellent!
-I can't maintain any altitude... we'll never reach the safety of rock.  Maybe that small rock.	Where are we do you think?
-Where are we do you think?	The South Polar regions... the forbidden area.  We must make it to that rock...
-A million deaths are not enough for Yueh...	Where are my feelings... I feel for no one...
-Listen to me!... you wanted to know about my dreams... and I've just had a waking dream... do you know why?... -- JESSICA Calm yourself/	The spice!  It's in everything here.  The air, the soil, the food...  It's like the Truthsayer drug.....  It's a poison!!!! You knew the spice would change me.  But thanks to your teachings it's changed my consciousness.  I can see it... I can see it.
-The spice!  It's in everything here.  The air, the soil, the food...  It's like the Truthsayer drug.....  It's a poison!!!! You knew the spice would change me.  But thanks to your teachings it's changed my consciousness.  I can see it... I can see it.	Is he....?
-Is he....?	You carry my unborn sister in your womb!
-You carry my unborn sister in your womb!	He knows.
-He knows.	You and your Bene Gesserit sisterhood... I'm not your Kwisatz Haderach...  I'm something different, something unexpected!  I'm a seed.  I am so much more...  You don't begin to know me...
-It's further than I thought... a worm is sure to come....  I'll plant a thumper, that should divert it. -- Paul moves off into the shadows.  Suddenly, Jessica SEES a burst of LIGHTNING illuminate the mountain of rock in the distant and the vast dunes before them.	...the night is a tunnel... a hole into tomorrow... if we're to have a tomorrow...
-Remember... walk without rhythm and we won't attract a worm... it'll go to the thumper.	I'm ready.
-Run!	I can't... I can't.
-Cinnamon... the spice!  Do you smell it?	Yes...
-Yes...	I know the secret.  The worm is the spice... the spice is the worm.
-What's happened?...  Why did it leave?	Someone started another thumper....  We're not alone.
-Man-carved steps.	Yes...
-Stop him yourself.	You saw a part of what the race needs in the beginning.  In time you perverted the truth.  You sought to control human breeding and intermix a select few according to a selfish master plan.  How little you understand.
-Are you a Fremen?	I am a servant of the His Majesty the Emperor. I have served His Majesty on Arrakis long enough for my eyes to change.
-I am a servant of the His Majesty the Emperor. I have served His Majesty on Arrakis long enough for my eyes to change.	He's hiding something.
-You've worn a stillsuit before?	No.
-No.	Your suit is fitted desert fashion. Who told you how to do that?
-Your suit is fitted desert fashion. Who told you how to do that?	No one. It... seemed the proper way.
-No one. It... seemed the proper way.	That it is.  He shall know your ways as if born to them.
-Will we see a worm?	Where there is spice and spice mining there are always worms.
-Where there is spice and spice mining there are always worms.	Always?
-Always?	Always.
-Always.	Why do they come?
-Why do they come?	To protect their territory. Vibrations attract them. -- PAUL  I've registered him now... a knife is a sheath on his left arm... He's strong... a person born to command... He's hiding many things.  Is there a relationship between the worms and the spice?
-Spice!... pure un-refined spice!	Bless the Maker and his water... Bless the coming and going of him.  May his passage cleanse the world.
-Liet?	You are about to witness something few have seen -- watch!  Watch!
-You have strength... real strength... You shall be known as Usul, which is the strength of the base of the pillar.  This is your secret name in our troop.  But you must choose the name of manhood which we will call you openly.	What do you call the mouse shadow in the second moon?
-What do you call the mouse shadow in the second moon?	We call that one Muad'dib.
-We call that one Muad'dib.	Could I be known as Paul Muad'dib?
-Could I be known as Paul Muad'dib?	You are Paul Muad'dib, and your mother shall be a Sayyadina among us....  We welcome you.
-Water on Arrakis!!! I have seen this place in a dream.  A treasure.	Greater than treasure, Usul.  We have thousands of such caches.  Only a few of us know them all.  When we have enough... we shall change the face of Arrakis. Listen!...
-The Water of Life.	The most lethal poison in the Universe.
-My own name is a killing word.  Will it be a healing word as well?	Usul... these are fifteen of our fiercest fighters to serve you as your guard... the Fedaykin.
-We surprised a band of smugglers.	Too bad... thought they were Harkonnen.
-Long live the fighters!	Long live the fighters!
-What's in the box?	Pain.
-The Voice again.	I hold at your neck the gom jabbar. Don't pull away or you'll feel that poison. A Duke's son must know about many poisons -- this one kills only animals.
-I hold at your neck the gom jabbar. Don't pull away or you'll feel that poison. A Duke's son must know about many poisons -- this one kills only animals.	Are you suggesting a Duke's son is an animal?
-Are you suggesting a Duke's son is an animal?	Let us say I suggest you may be human. Your awareness may be powerful enough to control your instincts. Your instincts will be to remove your hand from the box. If you do so you will die. You will feel an itching -- there... see? Now the itching becomes burning... heat, upon heat, upon heat.
-Let us say I suggest you may be human. Your awareness may be powerful enough to control your instincts. Your instincts will be to remove your hand from the box. If you do so you will die. You will feel an itching -- there... see? Now the itching becomes burning... heat, upon heat, upon heat.	It burns.
-It burns.	SILENCE... SILENCE.
-SILENCE... SILENCE.	I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear... I will permit it to pass over me and through me. -- The Reverend Mother moves her face up to his. Her ancient face with its metal teeth gleaming inches away breathes hotly. She is smiling.
-I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear... I will permit it to pass over me and through me. -- The Reverend Mother moves her face up to his. Her ancient face with its metal teeth gleaming inches away breathes hotly. She is smiling.	You feel the flesh crisping?
-THE PAIN!	NO!! ENOUGH!! Kull wahad! No woman child ever withstood that much. I must have wanted you to fail. Take your hand out of the box and look at it, young human.... Do it!
-Pain by nerve induction... A human can resist any pain. Our test is crisis and observation.	I see the truth of it. -- REVEREND MOTHER  Could he be the one?... Maybe... but will he be ours to control?  You know when people speak the truth?
-Your mother wants you to tell me about your dreams. I only want to know one thing.... Do they come true?	Not all of them... I know which ones will.
-Not all of them... I know which ones will.	Perhaps you are the Kwisatz Haderach.
-Perhaps you are the Kwisatz Haderach.	What is it?
-What is it?	The person who can be many places at once... the one who bridges space and time.... He will look where we cannot.
-The person who can be many places at once... the one who bridges space and time.... He will look where we cannot.	Where?
-Where?	Do you know of the Water of Life?... the Truthsayer drug?
-Do you know of the Water of Life?... the Truthsayer drug?	I have heard of it. -- REVEREND MOTHER It is very dangerous... very painful. The Bene Gesserit sisterhood drink it to see within.... There is a place terrifying to us... to women. It is said a man will come... the Kwisatz Haderach... he will go where we cannot... Many men have tried...
-I have heard of it. -- REVEREND MOTHER It is very dangerous... very painful. The Bene Gesserit sisterhood drink it to see within.... There is a place terrifying to us... to women. It is said a man will come... the Kwisatz Haderach... he will go where we cannot... Many men have tried...	Did they try and fail?
-Did they try and fail?	They tried and died....  Jessica!
-I sense your teachings in him. Ignore the regular order of training. His safety requires The Voice.	I've heard enough of my safety... What about my father?... I heard you talking. You speak as if he was dead. Well, he isn't!
-Well he isn't... and he won't die... Tell me he won't die!	What can be done has been done.
-What can be done has been done.	MOTHER! Tell me!
-... Many men have tried.	Did they try and fail?
-Did they try and fail?	They tried and died.
-Don't try your powers on me.  Try looking into that place where you dare not look. You'll find me there staring back at you!! You Bene Gesserit have waited ninety generations to produce the one person your schemes required.  Here I stand.  But... I will never be yours.	Stop him, Jessica!
-You mustn't speak of...	SILENCE!
-I heard you, Dr. Yueh and Gurney coming down the hall.	Those sounds could be imitated.
-Those sounds could be imitated.	I'd know the difference.
-Yes. Perhaps he would at that.	My father sent you to test me. Music then?
-Many dangers exist on Arrakis. For one, we know the Harkonnens would not have given up their CHOAM company contract so easily.	The Harkonnens are our enemies, yes... but behind them, I suspect, is the Emperor. -- THUFIR You will make a formidable Duke!
-Now remember... the first step in avoiding a trap is knowing of its existence.	I know.  But if it is a trap then why are we going?
-I know.  But if it is a trap then why are we going?	We have our new army.  Dr. Yueh, put the weirding module on him.
-Greetings.  I am the Count.	Greetings.  I am Slick Slomopavitz, Seeker of Adventure.
-Say, that's a funny place to sleep.	It is my home.
-It is my home.	Oh, tract housing, huh?  I guess I shouldn't complain about my duplex in Burbank.  What a dump. Some places have a Murphy bed, this place has a Murphy shower.  I still don't know where to hang the towels!
-Uh, beg to differ.	"""Beg to differ?!""  Hey, I'm talkin' about my duplex in Burbank!"
-"""Beg to differ?!""  Hey, I'm talkin' about my duplex in Burbank!"	Uh, Greetings.  I am the Count...
-Mr. Lugosi!  It is an unparalleled privilege to meet you.  Allow me to introduce myself... I am CRISWELL!	It's a pleasure...
-It's a pleasure...	Ah, cheer up!   Don't lose heart over what happened tonight.  I predict that your next project will be an outstanding success!
-Bring me two more Beefeater martinis. Eddie will have another whiskey, Dagmar's a Rum-and-coke, Moustapha and King are chablis -- hey Bela, would you like a wine?	No.  I never drink -- wine.
-So you sleep in coffins?!	Yes.  There is nothing more comfortable.
-Yes.  There is nothing more comfortable.	I can't believe this!  I sleep in coffins!
-I can't believe this!  I sleep in coffins!	No.
-No.	YES!  My father ran a mortuary -- it's an old habit!
-Eddie, where are we?  We passed that carwash twenty minutes ago.	I predict we're lost.
-Excuse me, Mr. Lugosi??	I told you, I don't want any of your goddamn coffins.
-I told you, I don't want any of your goddamn coffins.	No.  I don't work here.
-No.  I don't work here.	Huh?
-Who are you?  What do you want?	I don't want anything.  I'm just a really big, big fan.  I've seen all your movies.
-I don't want anything.  I'm just a really big, big fan.  I've seen all your movies.	Ha!
-Why were you buying a coffin?	Because I'm planning on dying soon.
-Because I'm planning on dying soon.	Really?
-Really?	"Yes.  I'm embarking on another bus- andótruck tour of ""Dracula."" Twelve cities in ten days, if that's conceivable."
-"You know, I saw you perform ""Dracula.""  In Poughkeepsie, in 1938."	Eh, that was a terrible production. Renfield was a drunk!
-Eh, that was a terrible production. Renfield was a drunk!	I thought it was great.  You were much scarier in real life than you were in the movie.
-I thought it was great.  You were much scarier in real life than you were in the movie.	Thank you.
-Thank you.	I waited to get your autograph, but you never came outside.
-I waited to get your autograph, but you never came outside.	I apologize.  When I play Dracula, I put myself into a trance.  It takes me much time to re-emerge.
-Oh, there's my bus.  Shit, where's my transfer?!	Don't you bave a car?
-Don't you bave a car?	I refuse to drive in this country. Too many madmen.
-Boy, Mr. Lugosi, you must lead such an exciting life.  When is your next picture coming out?	I have no next picture.
-I have no next picture.	Ah, you gotta be jokin'!  A great man like you... I'll bet you have dozens of 'em lined up.
-Ah, you gotta be jokin'!  A great man like you... I'll bet you have dozens of 'em lined up.	Back in the old days, yes.  But now -- no one give two fucks for Bela.
-But you're a big star!	No more.  I haven't worked in four years.  This town, it chews you up, then spits you out.  I'm just an ex-bogeyman.  Make a right.
-They don't want the classic horror films anymore.  Today, it's all giant bugs, giant spiders, giant grasshoppers -- who would believe such nonsense!	The old ones were much spookier. They had castles, full moons...
-The old ones were much spookier. They had castles, full moons...	They were mythic.  They had a poetry to them.  And you know what else?  The women prefer the traditional monsters.
-They were mythic.  They had a poetry to them.  And you know what else?  The women prefer the traditional monsters.	The women?
-The women?	The pure horror, it both repels and attracts them.  Because in their collective unconsciousness, they have the agony of childbirth.  The blood. The blood is horror.
-The pure horror, it both repels and attracts them.  Because in their collective unconsciousness, they have the agony of childbirth.  The blood. The blood is horror.	I never thought of that.
-I never thought of that.	"Take my word for it.  You want to ""score"" with a young lady, you take her to see ""Dracula."""
-Shh!  I'm coming!  I will feed you!	Well... I guess I should go.  Perhaps we could get together again?
-Well... I guess I should go.  Perhaps we could get together again?	Certainly.  But now the children of the night are calling me.
-Ugh!  I hate the way she interrupts the pictures.  She doesn't show 'em the proper respect.	I think she's a honey.  Look at those jugs.
-Vampira!  You will come under my spell!  You will be my slave of love.	Hey Bela, how do you do that?
-Hey Bela, how do you do that?	You must be double-jointed, and you must be Hungarian.  Vampira, look at me!  Stare into my eyes.
-I am getting tired.  I need to take my medicine.	Do you want me to get it for you?
-Do you want me to get it for you?	No thank you, Eddie.  I'll be alright.
-Are you sure this is okay?	Don't worry.  I do it every Halloween.
-Eddie, you got a new movie for me?!	Yeah, it's gonna be a great picture! You'll love your character!  Bunny, Bela's here.  Look, hit the bars, work some parties, and get me transvestites!  I need transvestites!
-Eddie, what kind of movie is this?	Well, It's about how people have two personalities.  The side they show to the world, and then the secret person they hide inside.
-Well, It's about how people have two personalities.  The side they show to the world, and then the secret person they hide inside.	Oh, like Jekyll and Hyde!  Ah, I've always wanted to play Jekyll and Hyde!  I'm looking forward to this production.
-Ehh, your part's a little different. You're like the God that looks down on all the characters, and oversees everything.	I don't understand.
-I don't understand.	Well... you control everyone's fate. You're like the puppetmaster.
-Well... you control everyone's fate. You're like the puppetmaster.	Ah, so I pull the strings!
-Ah, so I pull the strings!	"Yeah.  You pull the strings --  ""Pull the strings""... hey, that's pretty good!"
-Bela! It's so great to see you!  And eight o'clock on the dot.  Right on time!	I am always on time.
-I am always on time.	Of course!  Well, we got a big day planned for you... First, we're gonna start off a little easy, with you in that armchair over there.  Then, once you're up to speed and cooking, we'll reset and bring out the laboratory equipment --
-Of course!  Well, we got a big day planned for you... First, we're gonna start off a little easy, with you in that armchair over there.  Then, once you're up to speed and cooking, we'll reset and bring out the laboratory equipment --	Uh, Eddie, do you have my money?
-Uh, Eddie, do you have my money?	Huh?!  Oh yeah, of course.
-You're right, Bela.  Now Dracula, that's a part that takes acting.	Of course!  Dracula requires presence.  It's all in the voice, and the eyes, and the hand --
-Look, you seem a little agitated. Do you maybe wanna take a little break, go for a nice walk... and then we'll come back and shoot the scene?	BULLSHIT!  I am ready now!  Roll the camera!!
-How 'bout a western?  People love westerns.	But, I don't like horses.  Do I have to get on one?
-But, I don't like horses.  Do I have to get on one?	Eh, forget it.  What else is big?  Teenagers!  Jailbait pics!  Yeah... You got the juvenile delinquent, his girlfriend from the wrong side of the tracks --
-Eh, forget it.  What else is big?  Teenagers!  Jailbait pics!  Yeah... You got the juvenile delinquent, his girlfriend from the wrong side of the tracks --	Who do I play?
-Who do I play?	Uh, a cop.  NO!  You play the father. He's angry!  He doesn't like seeing his son -- no -- he doesn't like seeing his daughter behave this way!
-Uh, a cop.  NO!  You play the father. He's angry!  He doesn't like seeing his son -- no -- he doesn't like seeing his daughter behave this way!	Well... can't I play the romantic part?  I'm tired of always being the bad guy.  You know, back in Hungary, I played Romeo!  I would like to be the lover again -- me, in a boat, with the girl...
-"Sure.  Romance, that's great!  To engineer your comeback, we're gonna need a whole slate of pictures.  Once ""Glen Or Glenda"" takes off, we'll slam you into one, then another, then another!"	That's good.  I could use the money.
-That's good.  I could use the money.	But we need to start off with a bang! Something we know the audience will want to see.  Mmm.  What was your biggest hit?
-But we need to start off with a bang! Something we know the audience will want to see.  Mmm.  What was your biggest hit?	"Hmm... my biggest hit?  That would probably be ""Dracula."""
-"Hmm... my biggest hit?  That would probably be ""Dracula."""	Of course!
-Those bastards at Universal.  I made so much money for them, and now I can't get the time of day.	"So let's make another ""Dracula."" Let's make ""The Return of Dracula""!"
-"So let's make another ""Dracula."" Let's make ""The Return of Dracula""!"	We can't.  Those sons-a-bitches control the rights.
-We can't.  Those sons-a-bitches control the rights.	They do?  Shoot.  There must be a way to get around that...
-Ha-ha!  Dr. Acula!	Dracula?
-Dracula?	No!  Doctor Acula!  You can still wear the cape, have the fangs... but you're a doctor!  Not a count.
-No!  Doctor Acula!  You can still wear the cape, have the fangs... but you're a doctor!  Not a count.	Ah!  This is very exciting.
-Ah!  This is very exciting.	I gotta type this up, while it's still fresh!
-Bela, what happened?!	I didn't feel well...
-I didn't feel well...	Let me take you to the hospital.
-Let me take you to the hospital.	No hospital.  Just take me to the couch...
-Should I call a doctor?	Nah.  This happens all the time...
-Is there anything I can get you? Water?  A blanket?	Goulash.
-Goulash.	I don't know how to make goulash.
-What's in the needle?	Morphine, with a demerol chaser.  Eddie, I'm so broke.  I don't know what I'm gonna do...
-Morphine, with a demerol chaser.  Eddie, I'm so broke.  I don't know what I'm gonna do...	Don't worry.  I'll do something.
-"""Greetings.  I am the Count."""	"""Greetings.  I am Slick Slomopavitz, Seeker of Adventure."" Audience laughs.  Applause.  ""Say, that's a funny place to sleep."""
-"""Greetings.  I am Slick Slomopavitz, Seeker of Adventure."" Audience laughs.  Applause.  ""Say, that's a funny place to sleep."""	"""It is my home."""
-"""It is my home."""	"""Oh, tract housing, huh?""  Laugh. ""You need a new real estate agent."""
-"""Oh, tract housing, huh?""  Laugh. ""You need a new real estate agent."""	"""Beg to differ.  This casket incarpratates, er, inporporates --"""
-"No Bela, that's ""incorporates.""  Look, just say ""This casket has..."""	Ach!  How do they expect a Hungarian to pronounce this dialogue?  This live television is madness!
-Bela, don't worry.  You're better than all this crap.	I never said I could ad-lib...
-I never said I could ad-lib...	Forget about it.  We'll make our new movie, and you'll be a star again.
-Goodbye!  Goodbye!	So how'd we do?
-So how'd we do?	We didn't make a dime.
-Bela, are you ready?	Mmph?  Where am I?
-Mmph?  Where am I?	"You're shooting ""Bride Of The Atom."" Scene 85."
-You'll be sitting on the right.	"I'm not getting near that goddamn thing.  One of those burned me on ""The Return Of Chandu."""
-"I'm not getting near that goddamn thing.  One of those burned me on ""The Return Of Chandu."""	Okay.  Then you'll be sitting on the left.
-"""Dear, you are a woman of super strength and beauty.  A lovely vision of exquisitely beauty -- shit!""  Damn!  Eddie, I'm sorry I can't remember all this.  I'm an old man. It's too long."	"That's fine, Bela.  We're still rolling.  Just say ""Dear, you're lovely."""
-"That's fine, Bela.  We're still rolling.  Just say ""Dear, you're lovely."""	"""Dear, you're lovely.""  ""Strap her to the table."""
-Bela, I don't know what I'm doin' anymore...	Stop worrying.  This is going to raise your spirits.
-What is this place?	This is the Philosophical Research Society.  A refuge for free thinkers. I've been coming here for twenty years.
-Was I wrong to cast Loretta?	Bad decisions are easy to live with. Forget.  Just keep looking forward.
-Bad decisions are easy to live with. Forget.  Just keep looking forward.	But was it a bad decision?  At the time, I thought her money would save the movie.
-But was it a bad decision?  At the time, I thought her money would save the movie.	Eddie, you screwed up.
-Eddie, you screwed up.	Yeah, I did.
-In life, the decisions that haunt you are the ones where you just don't know... where right or wrong will never be answered.  Years ago, the Hungarians contacted me.  The government wanted me to come home, to be Minister of Culture.	Really?
-Really?	It was a very impressive offer. Fancy offices, a big home... I'd be treated like a king.
-It was a very impressive offer. Fancy offices, a big home... I'd be treated like a king.	So why didn't you do it?
-So why didn't you do it?	I didn't know if it was a trick. They might arrest me and throw me in a gulag.  I am Hungary's most famous emigrant. they'd use me as a lesson to anyone who tries to leave.
-I didn't know if it was a trick. They might arrest me and throw me in a gulag.  I am Hungary's most famous emigrant. they'd use me as a lesson to anyone who tries to leave.	But maybe not.
-But maybe not.	Correct.  So instead, I stayed here, waiting for my comeback.  Always hoping... the next film, the next film... that would be the one.
-Eddie, I'm so tired... I don't know if I can handle a night shoot...	Nonsense!  You look great --  Look, uh, why don't you lie down and take a little nap?  We'll film around you for a while.
-Let's shoot this fucker!  Where do I go?	You'll be fighting with the octopus.
-You'll be fighting with the octopus.	Out there?!  What happened to the stream?
-Out there?!  What happened to the stream?	This'll look a lot better.  We have to match the stock footage of the octopus underwater.
-This'll look a lot better.  We have to match the stock footage of the octopus underwater.	Oh, for Christ's sake.
-Goddamn, it's cold!	Once you're in it, it warms up.
-Once you're in it, it warms up.	Fuck you!  You come out here.  Hey, toss me that J.D.
-Okay!  How do we turn this thing on?	Bela, somebody misplaced the motor. So when you wrestle the octopus, shake the legs a bit, to make it look like it's killing you.
-"Do you know I turned down ""Frankenstein""?"	Huh?
-Huh?	"After I did ""Dracula,"" the studio offered me ""Frankenstein""!  But I turned it down, the part wasn't sexy enough.  It was too degrading for a big star like me."
-Bela, I've got twenty-five scenes to shoot tonight.	Don't let me slow you down.
-Don't let me slow you down.	Alright!  Let's put it on film. CAMERA!  SOUND!
-Bela.  I just wanna thank you again for last night.	That's fine, Eddie.  All in the line of duty.
-That's fine, Eddie.  All in the line of duty.	No.  Seriously.  I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done for me.  A great man like you shouldn't have to run around in freezing water at four in the morning.
-No.  Seriously.  I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done for me.  A great man like you shouldn't have to run around in freezing water at four in the morning.	Well, there aren't too many other fellas I'd do it for...
-Well, there aren't too many other fellas I'd do it for...	I wrote something special for you. I got to thinking about all the sacrifices you've made... and so I wrote you a new final speech.
-Eddie, this is quite a scene.	I know it's a lot to give you at the last second.
-Why are you here??	Shit!  Bela, what's with the gun?
-Shit!  Bela, what's with the gun?	Why aren't you on your honeymoon? Where's Myrna?
-Why aren't you on your honeymoon? Where's Myrna?	Norma.  She changed her mind.  She doesn't wanna marry me.  Can you put down the gun?
-What are you doing?	I was thinking about killing myself.
-I was thinking about killing myself.	Jesus Christ, what an evening.  What happened?
-Jesus Christ, what an evening.  What happened?	Eddie, I received a letter from the government.  They're cutting off my unemployment.  That's all I've got. Without it, I can't pay the rent...
-Eddie, I received a letter from the government.  They're cutting off my unemployment.  That's all I've got. Without it, I can't pay the rent...	Don't you have any savings?
-Don't you have any savings?	I'm obsolete.  I have nothing to live for.  Tonight, I should die.  And you should come with me.
-Buddy, I don't know if that's such a good idea.	It'll be wonderful.  We'll be at peace.  In the afterlife, you don't have to worry about finding work.
-It'll be wonderful.  We'll be at peace.  In the afterlife, you don't have to worry about finding work.	Bela, I'm on your side.  C'mon, give me the gun...  If you give me the gun, I'll make you a drink.  What are you drinking?
-Bela, I'm on your side.  C'mon, give me the gun...  If you give me the gun, I'll make you a drink.  What are you drinking?	Formaldehyde.
-Don't worry.	I'm sorry, Eddie.  I'm so sorry.
-I'm sorry, Eddie.  I'm so sorry.	Don't worry.  Everything's gonna be all right.
-What happened?!	Isn't it wonderful?  After all these years, the press is showing an interest again in Bela Lugosi.
-Isn't it wonderful?  After all these years, the press is showing an interest again in Bela Lugosi.	Bela, they're parasites!  They just want to exploit you.
-Bela, they're parasites!  They just want to exploit you.	Fine.  Let them!  There is no such thing as bad press.  A man from New York even said he's putting me on the front page!  First celebrity to ever check into rehab.  When I get out of here, I will be healthy.  Strong!  I will be primed for my comeback!
-I've got some good news.  The doctor says you're all better.  You can come home.	Really?  I don't feel so great.
-Really?  I don't feel so great.	No, you look good.  And the tests came back fine.  C'mon...
-Eddie, I wanna make another picture. When are we gonna make another picture?	Soon, Bela... Soon.
-So Eddie, don't we need a sound crew?	No, this is just the second unit. We'll do the main footage later.
-No, this is just the second unit. We'll do the main footage later.	Oh.  So what is the scene about?
-Oh.  So what is the scene about?	Uh... you're a very important and respected man.  You're leaving your house... and you're in a hurry to a big social event.
-Okay.  But what if I'm not in too big a hurry?  What if I take a moment to slow down and savor the beauty of life?  To smell a flower?	That's great.  Let's do a take.
-And, cut...	Eddie, how was I?
-Eddie, how was I?	Perfect.
-Sorry...	Has anyone ever been to Downey?
-Last night was quite a romp.	Did you see that kid grab Vampira's tits?
-Did you see that kid grab Vampira's tits?	I envied him.  Hell, I envied you too, having a girlfriend that would jump in front of a car like that.
-I envied him.  Hell, I envied you too, having a girlfriend that would jump in front of a car like that.	Yeah, she's really somethin'.
-Yeah, she's really somethin'.	I know none of my wives would've.
-Eddie, I want to thank you.  These last few days have been a good time.	I just wish you coulda seen the movie.
-I just wish you coulda seen the movie.	No problem.  I know it by heart...
-So guess where I'm going next weekend?	I don't know.  Where?
-I don't know.  Where?	Mexico!  And guess what I'm going to do there?!
-Mexico!  And guess what I'm going to do there?!	I dunno.  Lie on the beach?
-I dunno.  Lie on the beach?	WRONG!  I'm getting my first series of hormone shots!  And once those babies kick in, they're gonna remove my organs, and MAKE ME A WOMAN!
-Jesus!  Are you serious?	Yes!  I've dreamed of it for years, but your movie made me realize I've got to take action.  GOODBYE, PENIS!
-I've never seen anything like him!	And once I'm a woman, Jean-Claude and I are getting married --
-And once I'm a woman, Jean-Claude and I are getting married --	Ssh!  He's so big!  He's a monster! Can you imagine what that guy would be like in a movie?
-This is gonna be Bela's laboratory, so it should be real impressive! Like one of those mad scientist movies.  I want beakers, and test tubes, and one of those electrical things that buzzes!	You mean a Tesla coil?
-You mean a Tesla coil?	If you say so.
-PLACES, EVERYONE!  ROLL CAMERA!	Rolling.
-And, CUT!  PRINT IT!  LET'S MOVE ON!	Don't you want a second take, for protection?
-Don't you want a second take, for protection?	What's to protect?  It was perfect!
-Um, okay... roll camera	Rolling.
-Rolling.	Sound!
-Which one is the red one?	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	I mean I can't see the difference. I'm color-blind.  But I like the dark gray one.
-Hey Ed, shouldn't we do another take? Big Baldy kinda got stuck in the doorway.	No, it's fine.  It's real!  In actuality, Lobo would struggle with that problem every day.
-I got the early edition!  It was just dropped off at the newsstand.	This is the big moment...!
-You really think so?	Absolutely!  It's just the beginning. I promise this: If we stick together, one day I'll make every single one of you famous.
-What happened?!  Jesus, Connie, what did you do?	Nothin'!  I told him he was great.
-What do you think you're doin'?!	These shoes are itchy.
-These shoes are itchy.	You can't sit!  You gotta walk around, with good posture.  You want these people to think we have class. Otherwise they'll never invest in our movie.
-You don't understand!  The octopus is supposed to live in a lake!	This is kind of a stream--
-This is kind of a stream--	NO!  It has to be UNDERWATER!
-Wow.	And who may you be?
-And who may you be?	Edward Wood, Sir.
-Edward Wood, Sir.	"Ah.  The director of ""Glen Or Glenda."""
-"Ah.  The director of ""Glen Or Glenda."""	H-how'd you know?!
-H-how'd you know?!	I'm Criswell.  I know all.
-Hey Cris, how'd you know we'd be living on Mars by 1970?  How'd you know it wouldn't be 1975, or even 1980?	I guessed.
-I guessed.	I don't understand.
-I don't understand.	I made it up.  It's horseshit!
-There's no such thing as a psychic. People believe my folderol because I wear a turban and a black tuxedo.	It's that easy?
-It's that easy?	Eddie, we're in show biz!  It's all about razzle-dazzle.  Appearances. If you dress nice and talk well, people will swallow anything.
-Bravo!  Bravo!  Magnifico!	Cris, you made it.  Thanks a lot.
-Cris, you made it.  Thanks a lot.	My pleasure.  I'm always happy to assist in a little larceny.
-Incidentally, you promise you're not going to scratch my car...?	I told you, the octopus is made of rubber.  This is a piece o' cake.
-Edward, are you sure you know what you're doing?	Yeah.  It seems a little crazy, but sometimes you just know.  She's perfect for me.
-Excuse me.  Doctor?  I'm with Mr. Lugosi.  How is he?	Well... there's a lot of junk in his system for such an old man. Apparently, he was addicted to morphine, tried to kick it, and got re-addicted to methadone.
-Well... there's a lot of junk in his system for such an old man. Apparently, he was addicted to morphine, tried to kick it, and got re-addicted to methadone.	Will he be okay?
-Will he be okay?	We'll do our best.
-We thought Mr. Lugosi was insured though the Screen Actors Guild.	Isn't he?
-Isn't he?	No.  They say his eligibility ran out years ago.
-No.  They say his eligibility ran out years ago.	Look, he doesn't have any money... but I'll give you everything I've got.  I have a few hundred dollars.
-Dolores, give me your shoes.	What?
-What?	The ghost can be barefoot.  Give me your shoes!
-Honey, what if I'm wrong?  What if I just don't have it?	Ed, it was only one review.
-Ed, it was only one review.	"Orson Welles was 26 when he made ""Citizen Kane.""  I'm already 30!"
-"Orson Welles was 26 when he made ""Citizen Kane.""  I'm already 30!"	Ed, you're still young.  This is the part of your life when you're supposed to be struggling.
-Ed, you're still young.  This is the part of your life when you're supposed to be struggling.	I know... But sometimes I get scared this is as good as it's gonna get...
-Eddie, I don't understand.  Why are you the most qualified director for the Christine Jorgensen Story?	Aw, er, it's just a bunch of hot air. I had to say something to get in the door.
-Sweetie, you won't believe it!  I've got the most incredible news!	You got the job?!!
-You got the job?!!	Huh?!  Oh, uh, no, I didn't get the job. But something better happened!
-Huh?!  Oh, uh, no, I didn't get the job. But something better happened!	Better than not getting a job?
-Better than not getting a job?	Yeah!  I met a movie star!  Somebody really big!
-Yeah!  I met a movie star!  Somebody really big!	Who?  Robert Taylor?!
-Who?  Robert Taylor?!	No!  A horror movie star!
-No!  A horror movie star!	Boris Karloff!?
-Boris Karloff!?	Close!  The other one!
-Close!  The other one!	You met Basil Rathbone!
-You met Basil Rathbone!	Oh, the hell with you.  I met BELA LUGOSI!
-Oh, the hell with you.  I met BELA LUGOSI!	I thought he was dead.
-No!  He's very alive.  Well... sort of.  He's old, and frail -- but he's still Bela Lugosi!  And he's really nice.	Boy, I can't even remember the last time he was in a picture.
-Boy, I can't even remember the last time he was in a picture.	It's a shame.  He's such a rest actor, and nobody uses him anymore.
-It's a shame.  He's such a rest actor, and nobody uses him anymore.	So did you get his autograph?
-Ed, I'm so proud!  I'll read it as soon as I get home.	Well, I'd really like to know what you think.  Why don't you go in the bedroom and take a look at it?  I'll Wait...
-How long have you been doing this?	Since I was a kid.  My mom wanted a girl, so she used to dress me in girlie clothing.  It just kinda became a habit.
-Since I was a kid.  My mom wanted a girl, so she used to dress me in girlie clothing.  It just kinda became a habit.	Jesus Christ!  And you never told me?
-Jesus Christ!  And you never told me?	This is my way of telling you --
-This is my way of telling you --	What, by putting it in a fuckin' script, for everyone to see?!  What kind of sick mind would operate like that?
-"And what about this so-called ""Barbara"" character?  It's obviously ME!  I'm so embarrassed!  This is our life!"	Of course it is.  And that's why you should play the part.
-Of course it is.  And that's why you should play the part.	Oh!  You got nerve, buddy.
-It's a damn good role.	That's not the issue!!  Ugh!  How can you act so casual, when you're dressed like that?!
-That's not the issue!!  Ugh!  How can you act so casual, when you're dressed like that?!	It takes me comfortable.
-It takes me comfortable.	Oh, just like in the script!
-How can you just walk around like that, in front of all these people?	Hon', nobody's bothered but you.  Look around -- they couldn't care less.
-Hon', nobody's bothered but you.  Look around -- they couldn't care less.	Ed, this isn't the real world! You've surrounded yourself with WEIRDOS!
-Ed, this isn't the real world! You've surrounded yourself with WEIRDOS!	Say it a little louder.  I don't think Bela heard you in his trailer.
-Ed, who is Daniel Davis?	Some weirdo who likes to wear dresses.
-From today on, our lives are different!  We'll be swimming laps in the same pool Jean Harlow did.	I don't know.  It's so much money...
-I don't know.  It's so much money...	Who cares?!  We're on a ROLL!  These are the moments in life you're supposed to grab.
-Who cares?!  We're on a ROLL!  These are the moments in life you're supposed to grab.	But Ed, we're not even married.  And you don't have a job.
-But Ed, we're not even married.  And you don't have a job.	But you do!  And anyway, I've got tons of new scripts.  And now that I have a track record, studios are bound to hire me!
-Look on the bright side.  If we miss the rent, what's the worst they can do?	Toss us out on our ass.
-Toss us out on our ass.	Exactly.
-I'm no good.	Ed, it's just one man's opinion!
-Ed, it's just one man's opinion!	Bela needs a job... I can't even get a film going...  But of course I can't -- I made the worst movie of all time.
-Bela needs a job... I can't even get a film going...  But of course I can't -- I made the worst movie of all time.	That's ridiculous.
-All I wanna do is tell stories.  The things I find interesting...	Well maybe you're not studio kind of material.  Maybe you just need to raise the money yourself.
-Ed, the landlord called again.  He wants his money.	"Tell him ""Bride"" is in pre- production."
-"Tell him ""Bride"" is in pre- production."	Ed, the landlord doesn't care.
-Ed, the landlord doesn't care.	That's the problem!  Nobody cares about my movie!  I'm tryin' so hard, I don't know what else to do!
-That's the problem!  Nobody cares about my movie!  I'm tryin' so hard, I don't know what else to do!	Don't get angry at me.  Maybe you just need a day job.
-Don't get angry at me.  Maybe you just need a day job.	"Dolores, don't you understand?  I'm a director now!  I made ""Glen Or Glenda.""  Directing is my day job."
-"Dolores, don't you understand?  I'm a director now!  I made ""Glen Or Glenda.""  Directing is my day job."	"All I know is, ever since ""Glen Or Glenda,"" all you do is booze it up and wear my clothes!"
-It was the only way I could get the movie made!	Who do you think's been paying the rent?!  Who helped type your script, and did all your grunt work?!
-Who do you think's been paying the rent?!  Who helped type your script, and did all your grunt work?!	I'm sorry!  What did you want me to say?
-I'm sorry!  What did you want me to say?	"I wanted you to say, ""No!  I wrote the part for my girlfriend Dolores."""
-"I wanted you to say, ""No!  I wrote the part for my girlfriend Dolores."""	But there's plenty of other parts.
-But there's plenty of other parts.	Like what?!
-Like what?!	The secretary.  Or the file clerk.
-Goddamn landlord.	I told you this was gonna happen.
-I told you this was gonna happen.	Maybe if you'd come to the backers party, I would've gotten the money.
-Maybe if you'd come to the backers party, I would've gotten the money.	That's moronic.  Why would a bit player impress a backer?
-That's moronic.  Why would a bit player impress a backer?	Look, how many times can I say I'm sorry?  I blew it!  I thought she was rich.
-Look, how many times can I say I'm sorry?  I blew it!  I thought she was rich.	That's a good reason to dump your girlfriend.
-That's a good reason to dump your girlfriend.	I didn't dump you!  Get it through your skull -- I just recast the part!
-You're a fuckin' mess.	So WHAT??  Look, we gotta figure out where we're gonna stay.
-So WHAT??  Look, we gotta figure out where we're gonna stay.	I'm going to my mother's.
-I'm going to my mother's.	Does she have room for me?
-Honey, you made it! I wasn't sure you got my message.	Of course I'm here.  Today is the file clerk's big scene.
-Of course I'm here.  Today is the file clerk's big scene.	That's right...
-That's right...	I see the usual gang of misfits and dope addicts are here.  Say, who's the lug?
-That's Tony McCoy.  He's playing Lieutenant Dick Craig.	Oh really?  How much money did he put up?
-Oh really?  How much money did he put up?	None.  But his dad gave me fifty grand.
-None.  But his dad gave me fifty grand.	Wood Productions.  The mark of quality.
-Wood Productions.  The mark of quality.	Hey, the movie's getting made. That's the main thing.
-Eddie, what's my motivation?	Oh.  Er... well you're the file clerk.  You're hurrying into the next room, when you bump into Janet.
-Oh.  Er... well you're the file clerk.  You're hurrying into the next room, when you bump into Janet.	But what's our relationship?  Are we good friends, or is she just a casual acquaintance?
-But what's our relationship?  Are we good friends, or is she just a casual acquaintance?	Dolores, I got five days to shoot this movie.  Quit kidding around.
-Dolores, wait!	Ed, it's over.  I need a normal life.
-Ed, it's over.  I need a normal life.	Did you really mean those things you said..?
-I'm tired of living on the fringe.	But you used to say --
-But you used to say --	Ed... I just stuck it out so you could finish your movie.  Now that it's done, so am I.
-Pleased to meet you.  I'm Loretta King.	I understand you just moved here?
-I understand you just moved here?	Yes.  Hollywood is oh so exciting.
-So my associate Mr. Marco tells me you may be interested in investing in a motion picture.	Perhaps a small amount of money.  How much do one of your motion pictures cost?
-Perhaps a small amount of money.  How much do one of your motion pictures cost?	For this one, we need $60,000.
-For this one, we need $60,000.	That's all??  That seems very reasonable for an entire picture.
-Perhaps you'd like to look at the photoplay.	Oh my, this is very interesting.  Say... do you think it would be possible for me to maybe play one of these parts?
-Oh my, this is very interesting.  Say... do you think it would be possible for me to maybe play one of these parts?	Oh, of course!!  There's a couple characters you'd be perfect for: The secretary at the newspaper office, or the file clerk!
-Oh, of course!!  There's a couple characters you'd be perfect for: The secretary at the newspaper office, or the file clerk!	Hmm.  Those sound kind of small.  Oh, here's one that looks good: Janet Lawton.  I'd sure like to play her.
-Eddie, which dress do you like better?	I don't know.  Hey Bill, which dress is better for you, the green or the red one?
-Sorry to bother you while we're shooting, but the guy who owns the stage needs his money.	Well then you should pay him, shouldn't you?
-Well then you should pay him, shouldn't you?	Yeah.  Exactly!
-I kinda need it now.	What are you looking at me like that for?  I already gave you my three hundred.
-What are you looking at me like that for?  I already gave you my three hundred.	Yeah.  Well I need the other sixty-thousand.
-Yeah.  Well I need the other sixty-thousand.	What other sixty-thousand?
-What other sixty-thousand?	The other sixty-thousand you said you'd give me.
-The other sixty-thousand you said you'd give me.	You misunderstood.  I gave you everything I have in the world: Three-hundred dollars.
-Hey big shot, get off your ass.  They need a potted palm over in the Carl Laemmle Building.	Sure thing, Mr. Kravitz.
-He's a bum.	"No he's not!  Do you realize how much money he made for this studio over the years?  ""Dracula""!  ""The Raven""! ""The Black Cat""!"
-"No he's not!  Do you realize how much money he made for this studio over the years?  ""Dracula""!  ""The Raven""! ""The Black Cat""!"	Yeah?  Well now he's a junkie.  He don't deserve to work.
-Yeah?  Well now he's a junkie.  He don't deserve to work.	That's not true --
-That's not true --	He's so great, you hire him.
-He's so great, you hire him.	Well, uh, if I could I would...
-Mr. Ward, it's a delight to meet you.	It's Wood.  Ed Wood.
-It's Wood.  Ed Wood.	Wood?  Ward?  Wood.  Hey, what do you know.  It is Wood. Dang secretaries, you can never get a good one.  Right?
-So what are you bringing me?  Looks like you got some film cans.	Well, Mr. Feldman, some people have resumes to show.  I've got my own movie.
-Well, Mr. Feldman, some people have resumes to show.  I've got my own movie.	Really?!  Well good for you.
-Really?!  Well good for you.	I just made this picture, over at Screen Classics.  It opens next week.
-I just made this picture, over at Screen Classics.  It opens next week.	Screen Classics?  Hmm, don't know them.
-Screen Classics?  Hmm, don't know them.	Nobody in town has seen it, so I'm givin' you first crack at my talents.
-Nobody in town has seen it, so I'm givin' you first crack at my talents.	I can't wait to take a look.  So what's up next?
-"Well, Mr. Feldman, I don't believe in thinking small.  So I've got a whole slate of pictures for you: ""The Vampire's Tomb,"" ""The Ghoul Goes West""... and ""Doctor Acula""!"	Doctor Acula?  I don't get it.
-Doctor Acula?  I don't get it.	Dr. Acula!
-"Oh, ""Dr. Acula.""  I get it.  I don't like it."	But Bela Lugosi's in it!
-But Bela Lugosi's in it!	Lugosi's washed-up.  What else you got?
-"Well... I've got another project I wasn't gonna tell you about. Lugosi's in it, but he's got a smaller part.  The lead is an ingenue, a sterling young actress named Dolores Fuller.  The title is ""Bride Of The Atom."""	Ah!  Atomic Age stuff, huh?  I like it.  I'll tell you what, Mr. Ward.  Why don't you leave those film cans, and my associates and I will take a look at your little opus.  Maybe we can do business together.
-Mr. Wood?!	Hruphh...?
-Hruphh...?	Mr. Wood, this is Mr. Reynolds, your landlord.  Could you please open up?
-Yeah...?	Mr. Wood, you have bounced your third and final rent check.
-Mr. Wood, you have bounced your third and final rent check.	I'm real sorry.  My stockbroker must have transferred the wrong account... C'mon in, I'll write you another one.
-Hmm, so you're in the picture business?	You could say that --
-You could say that --	I'm interested in the picture business.  My associates and I wish to produce a series of uplifting religious films, on the Apostles. But unfortunately, we don't have enough money.
-I'm interested in the picture business.  My associates and I wish to produce a series of uplifting religious films, on the Apostles. But unfortunately, we don't have enough money.	Raising money is tough.
-Raising money is tough.	Oh!  Our church has the money for one film.  We just don't have it for all twelve...
-Okay -- you know what you do?  You produce a film in a commercially proven genre.  And after it's a hit, you take the profits from that, and make the twelve Apostles' movies.	Would that work?
-Would that work?	Absolutely!  You see this script..?
-"""Graverobbers From Outer Space""! It's money in the bank."	Graverobbers from what??
-Graverobbers from what??	From outer space!  It's science- fiction.  Very big with the kids! If you make this picture, you'll have enough money to finance a HUNDRED religious films!  And pay my back rent from the profits.
-I don't know... this is all a lot to absorb.	It's a guaranteed blockbuster!
-It's a guaranteed blockbuster!	Um, I understand that this science friction is popular -- but don't the big hits always have big stars?
-Um, I understand that this science friction is popular -- but don't the big hits always have big stars?	Yeah, well we've GOT a big star! Bela Lugosi!!
-Yeah, well we've GOT a big star! Bela Lugosi!!	Lugosi??!  Didn't be pass on?
-Yes, but I've got the last footage he ever shot!	Just, it doesn't look like very much.
-Just, it doesn't look like very much.	"It's plenty!  It's the acorn that will grow a great oak.  I'll just find a double to finish his scenes, and we'll release it as ""Bela Lugosi's Final Film"""
-What'd you give him all the lines for??  He's unintelligible!	Look, Lugosi is dead and Vampira won't talk.   Ihad to give somebody the dialogue.
-And PERFECT.  CUT!	"""Perfect""?  Mr. Wood, do you know anything about the art of film production?!"
-"""Perfect""?  Mr. Wood, do you know anything about the art of film production?!"	I like to think so.
-I like to think so.	That cardboard headstone tipped over. This graveyard is obviously phony!
-That cardboard headstone tipped over. This graveyard is obviously phony!	People won't notice.  Filmmaking isn't about picky details -- it's about the big picture.
-People won't notice.  Filmmaking isn't about picky details -- it's about the big picture.	"Oh, you wanna talk about the ""big picture""?!  How 'bout that the policemen arrive in the daylight, but now it's suddenly night???"
-Mr. Reynolds!	Yes?
-Yes?	We are gonna finish this film just the way I want it!  Because you can't compromise an artist's vision!
-Glad you could fit me in your schedule.	Da pleasure be mine.
-Could we moovf to table?	Oh, of course!
-So, Mr. Johnson --	Tor!
-Tor!	Tor.  Have you ever thought about becoming an actor?
-Tor.  Have you ever thought about becoming an actor?	Mm, not good-lookink enough.
-Mm, not good-lookink enough.	I think you're quite handsome.
-I think you're quite handsome.	No.  With hair, yah.  But I must shave head for wrestlink.  It scare da crowds.  Dey like that.
-Well, I think you'd be a sensation in pictures.	But what bout accent?  Some people tink I haf too much accent.
-But what bout accent?  Some people tink I haf too much accent.	Nah, that doesn't matter!  It's a visual medium.
-"So anyway, I've got this new script, ""Bride Of The Atom,"" and there's a part you're ideal for: ""Lobo.""  He's tough.  A brute.  But he has a heart -- and at the end he saves the girl."	I like.  When do movie shoot?
-I like.  When do movie shoot?	Hopefully, very soon.  I'm just awaiting the final okay from Mr. Feldman at MGM.
-Edvard!   I haf question 'bout script. My vife Greta, she read.  And she no like.	Really?  Was the third act too intense?
-Really?  Was the third act too intense?	No.  She tink Lobo is waste of my time.  Lobo don't talk.
-No.  She tink Lobo is waste of my time.  Lobo don't talk.	But Tor, it's a starring part! You're second billed.
-But Tor, it's a starring part! You're second billed.	Bela, he talk.  Loretta, she talk. But Tor, he no talk.
-Tor, dialogue is overrated.  You look at the classic film actors, who are they?  Fairbanks.  Chaplin.  They didn't talk!  They did it all with their face.	But Greta say --
-Here's the scene.  Loretta, you're in a trance.  You glide in and get on the operating table.  Now Tor, you're supposed to tie her down.  But you have an angora fetish... and when you rub that swatch of angora, it makes you refuse so Bela has to discipline you.	Okey-dokey.
-Hey!  You're not eatink.	Uh, I don't have much of an appetite lately.
-Uh, I don't have much of an appetite lately.	The food will make you feel bedder. Look at me -- I'm da happiest guy I know!
-I'd be happy too, if I had such a great family.	Don't worry.  You just haven't met right woman yet.  Oopsy.  That cabbage goes right through me.
-Tor, I should be getting home.	Nonsense!  You must try our hot glug.
-My friend, you tink Greta is first woman I ever see?  No!  Many duds, before I find her.	But I thought me and Dolores had something.
-But I thought me and Dolores had something.	Forget her!  Move on.  A good lookink boy like you as you can have any girl you wish.
-My eyes are killink me.	Don't worry.  We're almost there.
-What is happening?	We're escaping!
-Excuse me, Sir...?	Yes?
-Yes?	Uh, uh, I'm a young filmmaker, and a really big fan... and I just wanted to meet you.
-Uh, uh, I'm a young filmmaker, and a really big fan... and I just wanted to meet you.	My pleasure.  I'm Orson Welles.
-My pleasure.  I'm Orson Welles.	Oh.  Um, I'm Ed Wood!  So, what are you working on now?
-Oh.  Um, I'm Ed Wood!  So, what are you working on now?	"Eh, the financing just fell through for the third time on ""Don Quixote."" So I'm trying to finish a promo for something else.  But I can't find the soundtrack --  I think I left it in Malta."
-I can't believe it.  These sound like my problems!	It's the damn money men.  You never know who's a windbag, and who's got the goods.  And then they all think they're a director...
-It's the damn money men.  You never know who's a windbag, and who's got the goods.  And then they all think they're a director...	Ain't that the truth!  I've even bad producers recut my movies --
-Ain't that the truth!  I've even bad producers recut my movies --	Ugh, I hate when that happens.
-Ugh, I hate when that happens.	And they always want to cast their buddies -- it doesn't even matter if they're right for the part!
-And they always want to cast their buddies -- it doesn't even matter if they're right for the part!	Tell me about it.  I'm supposed to do a thriller at Universal, and they want Charlton Heston to play a Mexican!
-Mr. Welles, is it all worth it?	"It is when it works.  You know the one film of mine I can stand to watch?  ""Kane.""  The studio hated it... but they didn't get to touch a frame.  Ed, visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else's dreams?"
-Can I help you?	Yes, I'm Ed Wood.  I'm here about directing the Christine Jorgensen picture.
-Yes, I'm Ed Wood.  I'm here about directing the Christine Jorgensen picture.	"Yeah, well a couple of things have changed.  It ain't gonna be the Christine Jorgensen story no more. Goddamn ""Variety"" printed the story before I had the rights, and now that bitch is asking for the sky."
-"Yeah, well a couple of things have changed.  It ain't gonna be the Christine Jorgensen story no more. Goddamn ""Variety"" printed the story before I had the rights, and now that bitch is asking for the sky."	So you're not gonna make the movie?
-So you're not gonna make the movie?	No, of COURSE I'm gonna make the movie!  I've already preósold Alabama and Oklahoma.  Those repressed Okies really go for that twisted pervert stuff.  So we'll just make it without that she-male.  We'll fictitionalize it.
-Is there a script?	Fuck no!  But there's a poster.
-It opens in nine weeks in Tulsa.	Well, Mr. Weiss, I'm your guy.  I work fast, and I'm a deal: I write AND direct.  And I'm good.  I just did a play in Hollywood, and Victor Crowley praised its realism.
-Well, Mr. Weiss, I'm your guy.  I work fast, and I'm a deal: I write AND direct.  And I'm good.  I just did a play in Hollywood, and Victor Crowley praised its realism.	"Hmm.  There's five-hundred guys in town who can tell me the same thing. You said on the phone you had some kind of ""special qualifications."""
-Well, Mr. Weiss, I've never told anyone what I'm about to tell you... but I really want this job.  I like to dress in women's clothing.	Are you a fruit?
-Are you a fruit?	No, no, not at all!  I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.
-No, no, not at all!  I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.	So you're not a fruit?
-So you're not a fruit?	Nah, I'm all man.  I even fought in WW2.  'Course, I was wearing ladies' undergarments under my uniform.
-Nah, I'm all man.  I even fought in WW2.  'Course, I was wearing ladies' undergarments under my uniform.	You gotta be kiddin' me.
-You gotta be kiddin' me.	Confidentially, I even paratrooped wearing a brassiere and panties. I'll tell ya, I wasn't scared of being killed, but I was terrified of getting wounded, and having the medics discover my secret.
-And this is why you think you're the most qualified to make my movie?	Yeah.  I know what it's like to live with a secret, and worry about what people are gonna think of you... My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.
-Mr. Weiss, I was thinkin' about what you said, about how all your movies have to make a profit.  And I realized, what's the one thing, that if you put in a movie, it'll be successful??	Tits.
-Tits.	No.  Better than tits -- a star!
-Eddie, you must have me confused with David Selznick.  I don't make major motion pictures.  I make crap.	Yeah, but if you took that crap and put a star in it, you'd have something!
-Yeah, but if you took that crap and put a star in it, you'd have something!	Yeah.  Crap with a star.
-Yeah.  Crap with a star.	No!  It would be something better! Something impressive.  The biggest moneymaker you've ever had!
-No!  It would be something better! Something impressive.  The biggest moneymaker you've ever had!	Fine, maybe you're right.  But it doesn't friggin' matter.  I can't afford a star, so I don't even know what we're talking about.
-What if I told you you could have a star for $1000??	Who?
-Lugosi?	Yeah!  Lugosi!
-Yeah!  Lugosi!	Isn't he dead?
-Isn't he dead?	No, he's not dead!  He lives in Baldwin Hills.  I met him recently, and he wants to be in our picture.
-No, he's not dead!  He lives in Baldwin Hills.  I met him recently, and he wants to be in our picture.	OUR picture?
-OUR picture?	Uh, yeah.  Our picture.
-Why would Lugosi want to be in a sex-change flick?	Because he's my friend.
-I thought this was gonna be a sex- change film!	There's still a sex-change --
-There's still a sex-change --	Yeah!  Five pages right before it ends!  The rest of the show is about some schmuck who likes angora sweaters.
-Yeah!  Five pages right before it ends!  The rest of the show is about some schmuck who likes angora sweaters.	I don't think he's a schmuck.
-I don't think he's a schmuck.	"And what's with this new title?!  My poster says ""I CHANGED MY SEX""!"
-"And what's with this new title?!  My poster says ""I CHANGED MY SEX""!"	So change the poster.  Trust me, you'll be better off.  This is a story that's gonna grab people.  It's about this guy.  He's crazy about this girl but he likes to wear dresses.  Should he tell her? Should he not tell her?  He's torn. George, this is DRAMA.
-Ed!  What's with these revised pages?!  A scene in a smelting factory?  A buffalo stampede?? Three-hundred soldiers storming Anzio Beach??!  What's going on here?  I can't afford to film this nonsense!	Don't worry.  We're not gonna film any of it.
-Don't worry.  We're not gonna film any of it.	Then how's it gonna get in the picture?!
-Then how's it gonna get in the picture?!	I know a guy in Universal's stock house -- he's giving me the footage for free.  This movie's gonna look like a million bucks.
-I think it's fifty-seven minutes long.	Yeah?  Whatever.  So did you like it?
-Yeah?  Whatever.  So did you like it?	Ed, what was the one thing I asked you to do?  Make it seven reels long. I've got contracts with my exhibitors.  If it ain't over an hour, they won't play it.
-Ed, what was the one thing I asked you to do?  Make it seven reels long. I've got contracts with my exhibitors.  If it ain't over an hour, they won't play it.	Gee, I used every frame of film we shot.  Maybe they won't notice.
-Gee, I used every frame of film we shot.  Maybe they won't notice.	They'll notice.  Look, why don't you let me take over from here?  I can do a few tricks: Pad it out with more stock footage, add establishing shots...
-They'll notice.  Look, why don't you let me take over from here?  I can do a few tricks: Pad it out with more stock footage, add establishing shots...	Um, I guess --
-Um, I guess --	"Good.  And one more thing.  I think your ""Written, Directed, and Starring Ed Wood"" credit is a bad idea."
-"Good.  And one more thing.  I think your ""Written, Directed, and Starring Ed Wood"" credit is a bad idea."	Why?!  I did all those things!  Hell, I even built the props.
-Why?!  I did all those things!  Hell, I even built the props.	And you did a bang-up job, too.  But you don't want other producers to know that's you in drag.  Trust me. It's a career killer.
-"But I'm proud.  I wrote, directed, and starred in it just like Orson Welles in ""Citizen Kane""!"	Yeah??  Well Orson Welles didn't wear angora sweaters, did he??!
-Georgie, what's with the stag footage??  You said you were cutting in establishing shots!	I did.  I established some tits and ass.
-"""Where's the ads""?!  The ads are in Alabama, Indiana, and Missouri!  You schmuck, it ain't gonna play L.A.!"	Why not??
-Why not??	Because I can't sell it to save my life!  You made a goddamn feathered fish.  Is it an art film, a horror show, a hygiene flick?  Nobody knows! I'm beggin' people to book it.
-Because I can't sell it to save my life!  You made a goddamn feathered fish.  Is it an art film, a horror show, a hygiene flick?  Nobody knows! I'm beggin' people to book it.	Maybe it needs special handling.
-Maybe it needs special handling.	"Screw you, Wood!  I even sunk more money into different titles: ""Transvestite"" ""He Or She?"" ""I Led Two Lives""... It DOESN'T MATTER! Nobody wants to see the piece of shit."
-"Screw you, Wood!  I even sunk more money into different titles: ""Transvestite"" ""He Or She?"" ""I Led Two Lives""... It DOESN'T MATTER! Nobody wants to see the piece of shit."	You can't talk that way about my movie.
-You can't talk that way about my movie.	"""Your movie""?!  I wish it was your movie!  I wish I hadn't blown every dime I ever made into this stinkbomb. If I ever see you again, I'll kill you!!!"
-Hello.	Hello.  You're sleeping in a tuxedo.
-Hello.  You're sleeping in a tuxedo.	I got married last night.
-I got married last night.	Oh.  Congratulations.
-Oh.  Congratulations.	The marriage already ended.
-The marriage already ended.	Oh.  My condolences.
-What are you making?	Booties for my father.  He gets cold in this hospital.
-Booties for my father.  He gets cold in this hospital.	How long's he been here?
-How long's he been here?	This is my thirteenth pair.
-Oh, it's you again.	Oh, hi.
-Oh, hi.	You look beat.
-You look beat.	I am.  How's your father?
-I am.  How's your father?	He's better.  Thank you for asking.  How's your friend?
-He's better.  Thank you for asking.  How's your friend?	Not good...
-Oh, flowers!  I didn't know you were so traditional.	I just picked them up on the way over...
-I just picked them up on the way over...	They're very nice.  Let me get my coat.
-So have you always lived in L.A.?	No.  I'm from back east.  You know, All-American small town... everybody knew everybody, I was a Boy Scout, my dad worked for the post office...
-No.  I'm from back east.  You know, All-American small town... everybody knew everybody, I was a Boy Scout, my dad worked for the post office...	Sounds like you lived in Grovers Corners.
-Did you find it boring?	Nah, 'cause I had my comic books. And I read pulp magazines.  And I listened to the radio dramas...
-"Oh.  I loved those shows!  ""Inner Sanctum""... ""The Shadow"" --"	"Yeah!  Don't forget ""Mercury Theatre""... And then every Saturday, I'd go to the little movie theater down the street.  I even started ushering there."
-You're not gonna believe the first picture I ever saw.  Your friend's.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	"""Dracula."""
-That is incredible!  You know, I had to sleep with the lights on for a week after seeing that movie.	I had to sleep with the lights on for a month.  But I never missed a Lugosi picture after that.
-I had to sleep with the lights on for a month.  But I never missed a Lugosi picture after that.	"A few years ago, I actually saw him do ""Dracula"" live.  I thought he was much scarier in person."
-Kathy, I'm about to tell you something I've never told any girl on a first date.  But I think it's important that you know.  I like to wear women's clothes.	Huh?
-Huh?	I like to wear women's clothes: Panties, brassieres, sweaters, pumps... it's just something I do. And I can't believe I'm telling you, but I really like you, and I don't want it getting in the way down the road.
-Does this mean you don't like sex with girls?	No! I love sex with girls.
-No! I love sex with girls.	Oh.  Okay.
-Oh.  Okay.	Okay?
-Stop!	STOP!
-Ed, this spaghetti sauce is delicious.	Thanks.  It's actually the only thing I know how to make.  Hey, can you grab that strainer?
-What was that?	Bela died.
-I'd seen him in a coffin so many times, I expected him to jump out...	Ed, you've got to snap out of this. Bela's dead -- you're not!
-Ed, you've got to snap out of this. Bela's dead -- you're not!	I might as well be.  I made shitty movies that nobody wanted to see.  I blew it.  All he wanted was a comeback... that last glory...
-I might as well be.  I made shitty movies that nobody wanted to see.  I blew it.  All he wanted was a comeback... that last glory...	Well you tried --
-Well you tried --	I was a fuckin' HACK!  I let people recut the movies, cast their relatives...  I let Bela down...
-You know, when you rewrite a script, it just gets better and better!	Do you want your buttons on the left or the right?
-Do you want your buttons on the left or the right?	The left.  It's more natural.  Hey, I've got a scene where the aliens have the ultimate bomb.  What would that be made of?
-The left.  It's more natural.  Hey, I've got a scene where the aliens have the ultimate bomb.  What would that be made of?	Uh, atomic energy?
-Uh, atomic energy?	No.  They're beyond that!  They're smarter than the humans.  What's more advanced?
-No.  They're beyond that!  They're smarter than the humans.  What's more advanced?	Dynamite --
-Dynamite --	No, BIGGER!  What's the biggest energy??
-No, BIGGER!  What's the biggest energy??	The sun.
-The sun.	Yes!  BINGO!  Solar energy!  Oh that's gonna seem so scientific.  This movie's gonna be the ultimate Ed Wood film.  No compromises.
-Those assholes.	The poor girl's out of a job.
-The poor girl's out of a job.	Yeah...  I should give her a call.
-You should feel lucky.  Ed's the only guy in town who doesn't pass judgment on people.	Hell, if I did, I wouldn't have any friends.
-Look, it's Dr. Tom.  Hey, Dr. Tom!	Who's Dr. Tom?
-Who's Dr. Tom?	My chiropractor!
-I can't get it to go up.	Ed, you're gonna miss your own premiere.
-Ed, you're gonna miss your own premiere.	C'mon!  Let's just go.
-Ed, I'm so happy for you.	Let's get married.
-Let's get married.	Huh?!
-Huh?!	Right now.  Let's drive to Vegas!
-Right now.  Let's drive to Vegas!	But it's pouring.  And the car top is stuck!
-But it's pouring.  And the car top is stuck!	So?  It's only a five-hour drive. And it'll probably clear up, once we hit the desert.  Heck, it'll probably clear up once we drive around the corner.  I promise.
-Excuse me, Miss Vampira?	Yes?
-Yes?	You don't know me, but my name is Ed Wood.  I'm a film producer.  I'm currently in production on a science-fiction piece, with Bela Lugosi and Swedish wrestler Tor Johnson.  And I saw you here, and I thought: Kismet!
-I don't understand.  Do you want my autograph?	No.  I think my film is perfect for you.
-No.  I think my film is perfect for you.	You want me to show it on my TV program?  Well I got nothing to do with that.  You should call up the station manager at Channel Seven --
-You want me to show it on my TV program?  Well I got nothing to do with that.  You should call up the station manager at Channel Seven --	No!  I don't want you to show the movie, I want you to be in it!  See, maybe I should explain: We started shooting, but then after three days we got shut down.  So we're having a backers party, to raise some more money.  Perhaps you'd like to come next door and meet some of the backers...?
-Uh, look, I'm with some friends, and we're about to eat --	Please!  It'll only take a minute. You can have some hors d'oeuvres, and meet my backers!  There's a really nice dentist from Oxnard...
-Please!  It'll only take a minute. You can have some hors d'oeuvres, and meet my backers!  There's a really nice dentist from Oxnard...	Look buddy, I'm a big star.  I've got real offers from real studios.  I don't need to blow some dentist for a part.  So forget it!
-"No, don't worry, I moved on.  I was just calling to see if you want to attend the world premiere of my new film, ""Bride Of The Monster."""	"Didn't you just make one called ""Bride Of The Atom""?"
-"Didn't you just make one called ""Bride Of The Atom""?"	It's the same film.  But the distributor wanted a punchier title. C'mon!  It's gonna be a big event -- we're going all out!  Bela, Tor, and Cris are coming.  You'll have fun!
-I'm really sorry...	It's terrible.  People won't even return my calls.  It's like I don't exist.
-It's terrible.  People won't even return my calls.  It's like I don't exist.	"I know what that's like.  Anyway, I brought a copy of the script.  You would play the ""Ghoul's Wife."""
-"I know what that's like.  Anyway, I brought a copy of the script.  You would play the ""Ghoul's Wife."""	The Ghoul's Wife?!  God, I can't believe I'm doing this...
-"Look... would it be possible to make the ""Ghoul's Wife"" a little less prominent, so people won't really notice me in the movie?"	You don't wanna be noticed?
-You don't wanna be noticed?	Exactly.  Hey, how 'bout this -- what if I don't have any lines?  I'll do the part mute!
-It's uncanny.	What's uncanny?
-What's uncanny?	LOOK AT HIS SKULL!
-"Hell, I've seen a lot worse reviews. I've seen ones where they didn't even like the costumes!  Like, that last ""Francis the Mule"" picture -- it got terrible notices.  But it was a huge hit."	Lines around the block.
-Lines around the block.	So don't take it too seriously. We're all doin' great work.
-The set doesn't look right!  It looks too... empty.  Clutter it up.  Put a skeleton in the corner.  And what's that thing over there?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	Well it looks good.  Let's use it!
-Just like I always promised.  Now you're among the immortals.  You're movie stars.	Here's to Ed.  For making us into something.
-Uh, yoo-hoo.  Excuse me!  Sorry to interrupt, but I got some big news.	Yeah...?
-Yeah...?	"Well my cousin Fred met this dame from back East.  She's from ""old money,"" and he thinks she's loaded. And here's the kicker: She's very interested in the picture business!"
-Wow, this lab looks great.  Except why is there a stove and refrigerator?	We couldn't afford any more props. If it seems weird, maybe you can add a scene where they eat dinner.
-We couldn't afford any more props. If it seems weird, maybe you can add a scene where they eat dinner.	Nah, it'll work.  Where's Bela?
-Ed, you said you were getting permission.	Uh, I couldn't reach the guy... he was in meetings all day.  But this'll be great, I promise!
-You're sure this is gonna work?	Yes!
-Yes!	You're sure???
-You're sure???	YES!  JUST DO IT!
-Hey.  This is looking good!  Paul, where's the octopus motor?	What octopus motor?
-What octopus motor?	You know, to make the legs move --
-You know, to make the legs move --	Hey, don't blame me!  You didn't say anything about no motor when I was up on that ceiling!
-Norma, this is Bela -- Bela, this is Norma.  Norma, this is Tor -- Tor, this is Norma.  Norma, this is Paul Paul, this is Norma.	So how long have you known Eddie?
-Ed, I got the Lugosi lookalikes outside.	Great!  Bring 'em in!  Bunny, I gotta run.
-Too tall... too short...  And this guy doesn't work at all.	"Well I was thinkin' like, when Bela played ""Fu Manchu."""
-"Well I was thinkin' like, when Bela played ""Fu Manchu."""	That was Karloff.  Paul, you gotta try harder.  I don't want this film to be haif-assed. This time, we go for the quality.
-...Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your savior?	I do.
-What are you talking about?!  It's the premise of the movie.  It's even the title, for Christ's sake!	Mr. Wood!
-Isn't it wonderful?  Bela lives!	Doesn't this strike you as a bit morbid?
-Doesn't this strike you as a bit morbid?	No, he would've loved it!  Bela's returned from the grave -- like Dracula.  CUE VAMPIRA!
-This is our choir director.  He's gonna play the young hero.	Are you IN5ANE?  I'm the director! I make the casting decisions around here!
-Are you IN5ANE?  I'm the director! I make the casting decisions around here!	I thought this was a group effort.
-I thought this was a group effort.	NOOOOO!!!
-Mr. Wood?  What do you think you're doing?!	I'm directing.
-B-but it's our money --	And you're gonna make a bundle.  This movie's gonna be famous!  But only if you SHUT UP, and let me do it my way!
-Why... yes.	Don't you think angora has a tactile sensuality lacking in all other clothing?
-Don't you think angora has a tactile sensuality lacking in all other clothing?	I suppose.  It's very expensive.
-I suppose.  It's very expensive.	It's made from specially-bred rabbits that live in the Himalayas.
-It's made from specially-bred rabbits that live in the Himalayas.	What are you, an angora wholesaler?
-What are you, an angora wholesaler?	No, I work in pictures.  I'm a director-actor-writer-producer.
-No, I work in pictures.  I'm a director-actor-writer-producer.	Ah, c'mon!  Nobody does all that.
-Ah, c'mon!  Nobody does all that.	Two people do.  Orson Welles and me.
-Two people do.  Orson Welles and me.	Wow.
-Wow.	You know, you're a very attractive girl.
-My goodness, you're embarrassing me.	You shouldn't be embarrassed by the truth.  Mind if I order some hotcakes...?
-Eddie, I'm just a small-town girl. I've never done this before.	Don't worry, I'll teach you.
-What the heck is THIS?!!	Honey, I have a little secret to share with you.
-Please, be compassionate.  I'm your husband!	No you're not!  This marriage was never consummated.  I'm getting an annulment!
-Vampira!  Hi, this is Ed Wood.	Who?
-Who?	"Ed Wood!  You came to my party.  I directed ""Bride Of The Atom""!"
-"Ed Wood!  You came to my party.  I directed ""Bride Of The Atom""!"	Oh.  Yeah.  You.
-Well, I was wondering if maybe sometime you'd like to go out, and maybe grab some dinner.	You mean like a date?  I thought you were a fag.
-You mean like a date?  I thought you were a fag.	ME?!  No, uh, I'm just a transvestite.
-ME?!  No, uh, I'm just a transvestite.	Isn't that the same thing?
-Isn't that the same thing?	No, no!  I like girls.  So how 'bout Friday?
-No, no!  I like girls.  So how 'bout Friday?	Look, you seem like a nice guy, Ed, but you're just not my type.  But keep in touch.  Let me know when your movie opens.
-No. The bathroom is off limits -and when I go to sleep they go to other programming. Unless I get up. Then they go back on the air. Unless I get up to go to the bathroom, I guess, then -	What if--you're vomiting?
-What if--you're vomiting?	What if I'm vomiting?
-What if I'm vomiting?	Do they show it?
-Do they show it?	I guess -- I don't -- it's all in the contract. There's this million-page contract --
-I'11 have to pass, Al. And it's not an age thing --	No! Do they show you having sex?
-No! Do they show you having sex?	No. Kissing and hugging, okay, but if it's actual sex they have to cut away.
-No. Kissing and hugging, okay, but if it's actual sex they have to cut away.	At what point?
-At what point?	At the point -- I don't -- Look you'd be on TV maybe one or two times each. I'11 try to avoid I'11 go out of my way to avoid, getting together with you. Believe me.
-Yeah. I brought you some movies.	Anything good?
-No, I intentionally picked out a lot of crap 'cause I don't like you.	Is Mom here? I gotta talk to her.
-Is Mom here? I gotta talk to her.	She's in the kitchen. I'd yell for her, but I'd die.  You had a busy night last night.
-She's in the kitchen. I'd yell for her, but I'd die.  You had a busy night last night.	Yeah. Ma...
-What do you love her or something?	Come on...
-Come on...	Look at your face. I had a car that color.
-Whatever happened to Norman Rockwell?	Who?
-Who?	Norman Rockwell. He painted magazine covers. Folksy. A mailman, a boy scout, a kid visiting a doctor...
-Norman Rockwell. He painted magazine covers. Folksy. A mailman, a boy scout, a kid visiting a doctor...	Yeah, so... ?
-Yeah, so... ?	They celebrated the common person.
-They celebrated the common person.	Well, I don't think you can get more common than me, Al.
-Well, I don't think you can get more common than me, Al.	No. Only celebrities now. Now, if you put a mailman on the cover of a magazine he'd better have killed someone or no one will buy it. This one to Dr. Rumpley.
-Jeanette, you're hurting me.	I'm not -- I didn't -- Al, you know how I feel about you...
-Have I ever said a bad word to you about your father?	No.
-No.	Well, now I will. He was a crazy mean, son-of-a-bitch.
-How's your mother?	Al!
-Al!	Our neighbors gave me a ride.
-Our neighbors gave me a ride.	Al!!
-Al!!	Where is she? Is she all right?
-You thought it was me?	Yes!
-Yes!	It's your father. Hank. Your mother went to see him and he had a heart attack.
-It's your father. Hank. Your mother went to see him and he had a heart attack.	Went --
-Are things gonna be okay with you and Mom? Is there anything I can --	I'm moving out.
-I'm moving out.	What?!
-What?!	I'm going to be living with my brother. He's not in such good shape as I am, but... I'm looking forward to the pillow fights.
-I'm going to be living with my brother. He's not in such good shape as I am, but... I'm looking forward to the pillow fights.	Oh, Al ... This is just...
-Oh, Al ... This is just...	Hank was always good with the ladies. Always good-looking. Hell, he's been dead for two days, he still looks better than me.
-Did you see that?	What?
-What?	Her. That look. She likes the Ed guy better than she likes the brother.
-Her. That look. She likes the Ed guy better than she likes the brother.	You're nuts.
-You're nuts.	Okay, I'm nuts.
-I'11 tell you something else. The old guy in the wheelchair? The stepfather? They're gonna have him die.	"What do you mean ""they're gonna have him die?"""
-"What do you mean ""they're gonna have him die?"""	You know, for a tearjerker. The audience falls in love with this loveable old geezer in a wheelchair and then he dies, it's ... They know what they're doing.
-You know, for a tearjerker. The audience falls in love with this loveable old geezer in a wheelchair and then he dies, it's ... They know what they're doing.	This is real, Bananahead!
-This is real, Bananahead!	So?
-So?	So if it's a show and they have a guy die that's writing, but if it's real and they have a guy die that's murder.
-You think she really likes him?	She doesn't give a shit about him.
-She doesn't give a shit about him.	You know what would be great?
-You know what would be great?	What?
-What?	If Ray would steal this girl from Ed. That would be great.
-Yeah only I wish they had the sister on more.	Ooh, the sister! She is hot.
-Ooh, the sister! She is hot.	You know it.
-What did you study?	Oh, see, studying would've been a huge help. Where were you, then?
-Ed, can I see you a second.	Excuse me.
-Excuse me.	Okay, so you understand? We're installing a permanent camera in your bedroom, one in the kitchen, one in the living room, plus, of course, there'll always be a couple of steady-cams following you.
-Okay, so you understand? We're installing a permanent camera in your bedroom, one in the kitchen, one in the living room, plus, of course, there'll always be a couple of steady-cams following you.	Cool.
-Cool.	I want you to take this.
-That has my work number, my home number, my pager number. I sleep three hours a night. Call me whenever you want to talk. Off the air, on the air, whenever. Okay?	Um, yeah -- thanks.
-Now look. Don't freeze up on me. I picked you because you had kind of a relaxed, go-with-the-flow quality. You're not going to lose that, are you?	No, uh...
-No, uh...	I bet my career on you. You'd better be good.
-I bet my career on you. You'd better be good.	Don't say that. That's like... telling a guy before you have sex you'd better be good. You don't do that.
-Don't say that. That's like... telling a guy before you have sex you'd better be good. You don't do that.	I do.
-Yes, Ed.	Could we just talk alone for a second? I --
-Could we just talk alone for a second? I --	Good idea.  Could you all leave us alone for a few minutes?
-How you doing, Ed?	I feel like when I was a kid and my mother sent me to school in orange corduroy pants.
-I feel like when I was a kid and my mother sent me to school in orange corduroy pants.	Uh-huh?
-Uh-huh?	"And all the kids stared calling me ""Pumpkin Ass."" ""Hey Pumpkin Ass,"" -- for like a year. So, now, I feel like everyone's watching me and, you know, I'm ""Pumpkin Ass"" again."
-Yeah?	Can I give you one bit of advice? About Shari?
-Can I give you one bit of advice? About Shari?	Sure.
-Sure.	A woman wants to be pursued.
-They tore her dress! ...	We're going to get you a bodyguard, don't worry. Ed, I have some news for you. We're picking up Ed TV for another month!
-We're going to get you a bodyguard, don't worry. Ed, I have some news for you. We're picking up Ed TV for another month!	Yeah?!
-Yeah?!	That means a balloon payment and a big raise for the second month.
-That means a balloon payment and a big raise for the second month.	Stand back -- I'm about to do my Happy Dance.
-Yeah.	"You asked me if I had a dream. I said ""Sure, I have a dream. I just don't know what it is yet."""
-"You asked me if I had a dream. I said ""Sure, I have a dream. I just don't know what it is yet."""	Great line.
-Great line.	What if Shari's the dream?
-What if Shari's the dream?	Ed, do you want my advice?
-Ed, do you want my advice?	Yeah, that's why I called. I mean, maybe Fed-Ex would tell me where she moved --
-Yeah, that's why I called. I mean, maybe Fed-Ex would tell me where she moved --	Leave her be.
-Leave her be.	You said a woman likes to be pursued.
-You said a woman likes to be pursued.	Pursued, not harassed. Give it some space. Can I tell you something -- as a friend? My sister was going with a guy they hit a little rough spot they started seeing other people they got back together and last month they had their third child For what it's worth.
-"Ed, everything goes off. ""Cheers"" went off. ""Mash"" went off --"	Yeah, but when they went off people weren't making fun of them. They weren't bozos! I'm Pumpkin Ass again!
-Yeah, but when they went off people weren't making fun of them. They weren't bozos! I'm Pumpkin Ass again!	Ed --
-Ed --	"You know, everything you asked me to do I did. I call you for advice about Shari you say -  ""Leave her be, see other people for a while."" You just wanted me to get involved with Jill because it made for a better show."
-"You know, everything you asked me to do I did. I call you for advice about Shari you say -  ""Leave her be, see other people for a while."" You just wanted me to get involved with Jill because it made for a better show."	Ed --
-Ed --	No. You screwed up my life just so you could get higher ratings. You never gave a shit about me.
-No. You screwed up my life just so you could get higher ratings. You never gave a shit about me.	Yeah? Well I'm not starting now.
-I don't think so.	Yeah. Because, you didn't talk me into anything. Everything you wanted me to do, I wanted to do.
-He's who we want to go with.	This guy.
-This guy.	I polled my staff. The men say they'd hang around with him and the women say he's fuckable. And one of the men said he's fuckable.
-I polled my staff. The men say they'd hang around with him and the women say he's fuckable. And one of the men said he's fuckable.	I'm not sure about the entire concept.
-Take him off the air.	What are you talking about? He's fine. He's out of the hospital already. The ratings are higher than ever.
-What are you talking about? He's fine. He's out of the hospital already. The ratings are higher than ever.	I'm telling you, it's peaked. Ed TV is an over-inflated balloon. Get it off before it explodes all over us.
-With all due respect, Cynthia you're nuts. I'm giving him another month!	Good luck.
-Isn't this getting kind of pathetic. I mean we drank the juice, now we're just licking peel. Let it go!	Cynthia, I think you're laboring under a misconception. You seem to believe that because you happened to predict this, we should be impressed. We're not. Anybody in any business can predict failure. 1 need people who prevent failure. I want to see this thing turned back in the right direction. Remember this was your baby.
-Where are you going?	"I've got this great idea. We put together a video. ""The Network Executives Goofiest Moments."" And listen, i've really loved working here."
-Mr. Pekurny.	Yes?
-Yes?	I'm Dr. Geller. Your mother is just lying down for a few minutes. we gave her something to calm her down.
-I'm Dr. Geller. Your mother is just lying down for a few minutes. we gave her something to calm her down.	Thank you. Can I see her?
-Thank you. Can I see her?	Just wait here. She's coming right back out.
-Just wait here. She's coming right back out.	Mm...  Oh, man...
-What about him -- did he suffer any or was it quick? I'd hate to think he...	Very quick. Between you and me, it's not a bad way to go. Making love to your wife... it's very sweet.
-Very quick. Between you and me, it's not a bad way to go. Making love to your wife... it's very sweet.	Really? They were..
-Really? They were..	According to your mother. When the paramedics got to the hotel, she told them that --
-According to your mother. When the paramedics got to the hotel, she told them that --	Hotel? What were they doing in a hotel?
-Hotel? What were they doing in a hotel?	I ... don't know. I ...
-I thought -- I thought he was dead.	Who?
-Who?	Al!
-Al!	No.  The deceased is ... Henry Pekurny.
-What?	Look at this -- people are getting married, they're getting married...
-Look at this -- people are getting married, they're getting married...	You said that.
-You said that.	We're falling behind.
-You know who we are?	Tell me.
-Tell me.	We're the guys who clean up after the parade.
-We're the guys who clean up after the parade.	I'm gonna stick this right in your eye.
-I'm gonna stick this right in your eye.	"I was at this comedy club last week and this comedian says ""If you're over thirty and your job requires you to wear a name tag, you screwed up your life."" And I'm laughing and then I realize I wear a nametag."
-"I was at this comedy club last week and this comedian says ""If you're over thirty and your job requires you to wear a name tag, you screwed up your life."" And I'm laughing and then I realize I wear a nametag."	So do I. So what? I'm doing all right.
-So do I. So what? I'm doing all right.	Your brother's here.
-Oh, that thing. Yeah. Did you hear about this?	Yeah, what - they put some schmuck on TV all day long or something?
-Hey, if it's free, it's me.  You ready?	Yeah. You did good. What's wrong?
-Yeah. You did good. What's wrong?	Aah, I wanted Shari to come.
-Aah, I wanted Shari to come.	Oh -- so I'm just, what -- a poor substitute?
-Yeah.  Honey, if you're watching this is for you.	No! Don't --  Oh, wow.
-No! Don't --  Oh, wow.	What?
-You know about that fireman who rescued that little girl?	When? Today?
-When? Today?	No! Like, ten years ago. In Texas. Baby...  Jessica!
-No! Like, ten years ago. In Texas. Baby...  Jessica!	Oh right, right! She fell down, like a...
-Oh right, right! She fell down, like a...	Yeah, a thing. He became a big hero. He was on TV and there was a parade and a movie about him
-Yeah, a thing. He became a big hero. He was on TV and there was a parade and a movie about him	Right, right...
-Right, right...	And then, uh... you know it blew over and he went back to being a fireman again.
-And then, uh... you know it blew over and he went back to being a fireman again.	Right.
-Right.	So he killed himself.
-So he killed himself.	Oh.
-Eddie? ...	Yeah?
-Yeah?	Are the TV people with you?
-Are the TV people with you?	Yeah. The camera guy is here.
-Yeah. The camera guy is here.	Send him away.
-Send him away.	Send him? Ma, I can't. it's -- just come out here. Please, I --
-Send him? Ma, I can't. it's -- just come out here. Please, I --	No.
-No.	Do you want us to come in the kitchen?
-Do you want us to come in the kitchen?	No. It's a mess.
-No. It's a mess.	Look, Ma, come on out. Really. I need to talk to you.
-Ma, do you know where Ray is? I've been calling him and I'm getting his machine and --	Eddie, how could you do it? Your brother's girlfriend.
-Eddie, how could you do it? Your brother's girlfriend.	Hey, he cheated on her.
-Hey, he cheated on her.	He made a mistake.
-He made a mistake.	I don't want to -- do you know where he is?
-I don't want to -- do you know where he is?	No. Maybe he's watching.  Tell him you're sorry. Tell him you'11 stay away from that girl.
-No. Maybe he's watching.  Tell him you're sorry. Tell him you'11 stay away from that girl.	No! And that girl has a name.
-I know you. This Shari is a passing fancy.	No! I -- All right, look, if you hear from Ray.... tell him to call me, okay?
-How's Marcia? She all right?	"I don't know. She's living with that ""entertainer""..."
-"I don't know. She's living with that ""entertainer""..."	Well, who knows? Maybe she finally picked a winner this time.
-Well, who knows? Maybe she finally picked a winner this time.	Mm.
-Mm.	You and Al lived together a few months before you got married -- after Dad left.
-You and Al lived together a few months before you got married -- after Dad left.	Oh my God!
-Oh my God!	I mean, that worked out.
-I mean, that worked out.	Oh my God!!
-I can't believe you're taking his side.	I'm not! I'm just trying to get some facts.
-I told you the facts! He abandoned us -- those are the facts.	So everything he told me yesterday was a lie. Everything.
-Yes.	Yes to me or yes to the coil?
-Yes to me or yes to the coil?	Both.
-Both.	Holy sh--
-He had girlfriends!	He says --
-He says --	I don't care what he says. Look, I don't need to relive this. On television!
-All right -- do you want to know the truth? I took you and Marcia and Ray to my sister's on the train for the weekend and you all got chicken pox. So I took you home a day early and there was your father with a woman in our bed. Okay?	Chicken pox? I was six. He didn't leave 'til I was twelve.
-Chicken pox? I was six. He didn't leave 'til I was twelve.	He... apologized, he begged me. He can be very... charming when it suits his purpose.
-He... apologized, he begged me. He can be very... charming when it suits his purpose.	But what was that whole story about him and a nurse?
-But what was that whole story about him and a nurse?	She could've been a nurse.
-She could've been a nurse.	Could've been a nurse?
-Could've been a nurse?	She had white shoes.
-She had white shoes.	So does Grandma. So does Shaquille O'Neal. You told me you had a hysterectomy and he ran off with your nurse.
-So does Grandma. So does Shaquille O'Neal. You told me you had a hysterectomy and he ran off with your nurse.	What's the difference?
-What's the difference?	The difference is for twenty years I thought one thing and now it's another thing.
-Oh my God. You and Al were - and that's why you threw him out.	"He had a woman in my own bed! And how dare you call him ""Dad"" in front of Al.  This is your father. This is who was there for you when you needed someone."
-"If I don't call you ""Dad"" it' just because... 1 was already a big boy when you came into our lives --  or when I thought you came into our lives --"	And what did he come back now for?
-And what did he come back now for?	Who?
-Who?	Hank! All of a sudden. Because now you're famous and he can get something from you. I don't wan you to become a victim like Marcia.  Not that you're a victim, honey. You're not. Life's just been a little hard on you, sweetie.
-Hank! All of a sudden. Because now you're famous and he can get something from you. I don't wan you to become a victim like Marcia.  Not that you're a victim, honey. You're not. Life's just been a little hard on you, sweetie.	What do you think. I mean about... him. Should I just... have nothing to do with him? I mean...
-Eddie...	Mom?
-Mom?	I'm at the hospital.
-I'm at the hospital.	What's the matter?!
-What's the matter?!	He's dead! Eddie, he's dead! It was his heart.
-He's dead! Eddie, he's dead! It was his heart.	Oh God. What hospital?
-Oh God. What hospital?	St. Joseph's.
-St. Joseph's.	I'm coming right over. I'll be right there.
-What happened?	It was horrible. He called me up.
-It was horrible. He called me up.	Who?
-Who?	Hank! He said he wanted to talk to me to apologize for everything he begged -- he cried. So I went to this horrible hotel he was staying in... I felt so sorry for him --
-Hank! He said he wanted to talk to me to apologize for everything he begged -- he cried. So I went to this horrible hotel he was staying in... I felt so sorry for him --	So you had sex with him?
-What?	The doctor said you were having sex.
-The doctor said you were having sex.	To you? In front of him?  With the...
-To you? In front of him?  With the...	Yes. He assumed Hank was your husband. He didn't know.
-Yes. He assumed Hank was your husband. He didn't know.	Oh my god! On TV!
-Oh my god! On TV!	Why? How...
-Why? How...	One thing led to another. He was my husband once.
-One thing led to another. He was my husband once.	But Al is your husband now!
-But Al is your husband now!	Do you think it's been easy for me? It's been years. Al can't have sex.
-Do you think it's been easy for me? It's been years. Al can't have sex.	Apparently, neither can Hank. What the hell did you do to him?
-Don't tell Al. He doesn't know.	Well, he's the only one in America who doesn't!
-Ed! How did you know I was here?	You're famous. Somebody called me. What are you doing in a place like this?
-You're famous. Somebody called me. What are you doing in a place like this?	Why shouldn't I be in a place like this? I'm a whore!
-Why shouldn't I be in a place like this? I'm a whore!	Ma...
-Ma...	I'm a tramp  Meet your new father. The whole nation is laughing at us!
-I'm a tramp  Meet your new father. The whole nation is laughing at us!	And how is this helping? come on say, good-night to all your new friends and let's go home.
-And how is this helping? come on say, good-night to all your new friends and let's go home.	I'm a whore!  Your bathrooms are filthy!
-What's going on over there?	Everybody's making audition tapes for that Real TV thing.
-Right, yeah --	She really doesn't want you and the camera in here right now.
-She really doesn't want you and the camera in here right now.	No, I understand. That's - where is she, is she all right?
-Hi, Mom.	Shari, Ray feels --
-Hi. Is Shari here?	No.
-No.	What is she, at work?
-What is she, at work?	She left.
-She left.	Well, when will she be back?
-She won't.	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	She left. She moved. She got Fed-Ex to give her a transfer and she left. She couldn't stand it anymore. We had people, news people, regular people, just sleeping in our hallway, going through our mail, our garbage. I mean it was she couldn't take it anymore. Now I've got to move. I can't afford this place by myself.
-She left. She moved. She got Fed-Ex to give her a transfer and she left. She couldn't stand it anymore. We had people, news people, regular people, just sleeping in our hallway, going through our mail, our garbage. I mean it was she couldn't take it anymore. Now I've got to move. I can't afford this place by myself.	I'm sorry. Where'd they send her?
-I'm sorry. Where'd they send her?	She wouldn't tell me.
-Well, Ed, that's ... not really possible.	All right, I'11 pay for the parking. Big network!
-I can't?	Well, no. You agreed to stay on the air as long as we asked you to. The station entered into this on that understanding. If you had refused we'd have begun this with somebody else. You can't just change the rules in the middle of the game, son. It's not fair to us. More importantly, it's not fair to the viewers. They're interested in you. They've devoted hours and days and weeks of their lives to you.
-Well, no. You agreed to stay on the air as long as we asked you to. The station entered into this on that understanding. If you had refused we'd have begun this with somebody else. You can't just change the rules in the middle of the game, son. It's not fair to us. More importantly, it's not fair to the viewers. They're interested in you. They've devoted hours and days and weeks of their lives to you.	Look, if you don't let me out of this... I'11 just... I'11 just sit in my apartment all day. I won't go anywhere, I won't do anything. What kind of show will that be?
-Look, if you don't let me out of this... I'11 just... I'11 just sit in my apartment all day. I won't go anywhere, I won't do anything. What kind of show will that be?	Not too good. That's why it states in your contract that if you do not continue to live a normal life, you're in violation and are liable for the station's financial losses. Ed, I urge you to reconsider. I urge you on behalf of all those people out there whose lives have become so entwined with yours. Play fair with them, Ed.
-Not too good. That's why it states in your contract that if you do not continue to live a normal life, you're in violation and are liable for the station's financial losses. Ed, I urge you to reconsider. I urge you on behalf of all those people out there whose lives have become so entwined with yours. Play fair with them, Ed.	All right. Let them decide.
-No! I barely even mentioned -it's just that, my friends, the people at work, whoever I'm regularly in contact with they want releases from.	They're gonna mock our foibles.
-They're gonna mock our foibles.	Our what?
-Our what?	Our foibles, our foibles!
-What are you doing?	Hm? I'm, uh... Why isn't this drunken woman you?
-"Oh! Oh -- okay, now I get it. It's ""Star Search."" You wanted me here because the camera comes with me."	Ed, he needs a break. You don't know what kind of bad luck he's had --
-Ed, he needs a break. You don't know what kind of bad luck he's had --	"I can imagine. You said you wanted nothing to do with this. You swore to me. ""Don't come near me. Don't bring this into my life..."""
-Are you asking me?	No, I mean...
-What does this mean?	It means they hate his freaking guts. It means if he were on fire they wouldn't put him out.
-It means they hate his freaking guts. It means if he were on fire they wouldn't put him out.	He's just ... trying a little too hard --
-How much less?	Never would be plenty.
-Never would be plenty.	I can't do that to him. He's pushing a little too hard - but... I just can't do that to him.
-Um, yeah, I was gonna ...	What's the deal? Did anybody make a decision -
-What's the deal? Did anybody make a decision -	Ed, look, uh... you're not getting the job. They're gonna transfer someone from another store to manage this store when I leave to manage the new store. I'm sorry.
-Ed, look, uh... you're not getting the job. They're gonna transfer someone from another store to manage this store when I leave to manage the new store. I'm sorry.	Oh, Christ. Did you go to bat for me?
-Oh, Christ. Did you go to bat for me?	I batted!
-I batted!	You batted or you bunted?
-You batted or you bunted?	Hey. I went as far as I felt comfortable. I mean, you know, let's face it -- you come and go here as you please. You work when you feel like it -- you know, Bruce Springsteen's birthday is not a legal holiday.
-Hey. I went as far as I felt comfortable. I mean, you know, let's face it -- you come and go here as you please. You work when you feel like it -- you know, Bruce Springsteen's birthday is not a legal holiday.	Well, then I'm quitting.
-Well, then I'm quitting.	"Ed, come on. What's that gonna do? You're gonna bring Blockbuster to their knees. Let me recommend a movie to you. It's called ""Get your shit together before it's too late."""
-"Ed, come on. What's that gonna do? You're gonna bring Blockbuster to their knees. Let me recommend a movie to you. It's called ""Get your shit together before it's too late."""	Who's in it?
-Hey, Lou.	Welcome to work, Ed.
-Yeah...	I hear the dog really liked him.
-I hear the dog really liked him.	Oh, the whole family loved him. Of course, they loved the last guy I went out with, and he strung me along for three years and dumped me.
-Oh, the whole family loved him. Of course, they loved the last guy I went out with, and he strung me along for three years and dumped me.	Really? You see, to me, you shouldn't have any trouble with men. There should be, like, a line behind you.
-Are you sure about this?	Hey, believe me -1 know I've got a great chance of making a fool of myself, here.
-Hey, believe me -1 know I've got a great chance of making a fool of myself, here.	Why do it?
-Why do it?	I saw this show once. It was about logging. I was home sick, there was nothing else on. Do you know how they break up really bad log jams? You know, when they're really tangled... ?
-I saw this show once. It was about logging. I was home sick, there was nothing else on. Do you know how they break up really bad log jams? You know, when they're really tangled... ?	Cream rinse?
-Cream rinse?	Dynamite.
-Dynamite.	So?
-So?	So maybe this is my dynamite.
-So maybe this is my dynamite.	Dynamite is dangerous.
-You do though, you look great.	Right.
-Right.	"No, no, I -- as soon as you came in tonight I said to John, ""Boy Shari looks beautiful."" I said it on TV so you can ask anybody who saw it."
-What do you want?!	Shari, I'm just really sorry. Look, I know this is... unbelievably awkward, but if I could come in for like a second and -- you know -- just say... two words, then...
-Don't defend that horse's ass to me.	I'm not. I'm not. I'm just Look -- you know, in a way, it's good. He got this out of his system now and he knows it's not worth it and, you know, someday if you guys got married or something --
-I'm not. I'm not. I'm just Look -- you know, in a way, it's good. He got this out of his system now and he knows it's not worth it and, you know, someday if you guys got married or something --	Ha!
-Ha!	Okay ...
-Okay ...	I've got news for you-- I never intended to marry him.
-I've got news for you-- I never intended to marry him.	Oh... how come?
-I mean bad.	Look, not having been there... I just think you're hurt and you're saying this to, you know, get back at him.
-Really?	Yeah.
-Oh my God.	It's... okay
-It's... okay	I kissed my boyfriend's brother on television!
-I kissed my boyfriend's brother on television!	Well, when you put it that way.
-Well, when you put it that way.	Leave. Go.
-Leave. Go.	Can't we just --
-Can't we just --	Go!
-Go!	All right. Okay. I'11 ... see you.
-Really?	Yeah. I mean for months I've been seeing you with Ray you being his girlfriend and I kept wishing you were my girlfriend... But, you know, what could I do?
-Yeah. I mean for months I've been seeing you with Ray you being his girlfriend and I kept wishing you were my girlfriend... But, you know, what could I do?	Me too. I mean I'm going out with Ray and I'm... thinking about you.
-Me too. I mean I'm going out with Ray and I'm... thinking about you.	Really?
-Really?	Oh God, this is so weird.
-Oh God, this is so weird.	Weird? If this happened last month it would've been weird. Now with... the TV and... now it's just too weird.
-What are you doing?	I missed you.
-You know, I never saw you in your uniform before.	Yeah, well...
-It's really a tremendous turnoff.	You should see the one we wear when it rains.
-You should see the one we wear when it rains.	Sunday night at the Devils game, I'm driving the Zamboni.
-Sunday night at the Devils game, I'm driving the Zamboni.	The what?
-The what?	You know, the big machine that cleans the ice.
-You know, the big machine that cleans the ice.	Oh yeah.
-Oh yeah.	It's quite an honor. Will you come with me?
-Oh -- Sunday is good for me to meet your folks. We get a big family audience on Sundays so it works out.	That's lucky.
-That's lucky.	Saturday, I think we should
-I wish my stepfather was here.	Why?
-Why?	He could give me some oxygen.
-Um...	What?
-I told you. If we... you know do it, they go away until ... we're done.	I know, but even if they go away, everybody in America knows what we're doing because... they went away.
-I know, but even if they go away, everybody in America knows what we're doing because... they went away.	So? What do they think -- we're not kids --
-So? What do they think -- we're not kids --	I know, I ...
-I know, I ...	Shari, I really like you...
-Shari, I really like you...	I really like you too...
-I really like you too...	...if this ...  ... weren't here... ?
-...if this ...  ... weren't here... ?	... yeah, then, but...
-... yeah, then, but...	So...?
-So...?	Ed... I think we should stop seeing each other.
-I have no privacy. Even now! I'm crying and I can't stop and they won't go away. And now it's going to be another month!	Shari...
-Shari...	Everybody hates me!
-Everybody hates me!	No. Who?
-No. Who?	Look at this.
-Page three of the Post.	Ohh...
-Ohh...	"A poll. ""Is Shari Good Enough for Ed?"" Seventy-one per cent said ""no.""  They hate me!"
-"A poll. ""Is Shari Good Enough for Ed?"" Seventy-one per cent said ""no.""  They hate me!"	Who cares? I don't ca -- No. I do care.  Shame on everybody. Shame on you! Well, just the seventy-one percent. The other...
-Who cares? I don't ca -- No. I do care.  Shame on everybody. Shame on you! Well, just the seventy-one percent. The other...	Twenty-nine.
-Twenty-nine.	"Exactly. Boy, you're smart.  Why are you so mean to her? What did she do to you?  ""Is she good enough for Ed?"" Who the hell am I?  Who the hell do you think I should be dating?"
-"Exactly. Boy, you're smart.  Why are you so mean to her? What did she do to you?  ""Is she good enough for Ed?"" Who the hell am I?  Who the hell do you think I should be dating?"	There's a list.
-There's a list.	Really?
-Really?	Ed?
-I tried to tell you over the phone -- my parents went to Atlantic City.	So?
-So?	So my little brother's staying here. I'm sleeping with Rita.
-So my little brother's staying here. I'm sleeping with Rita.	Oh Je -- couldn't he sleep with Rita? We'11 all have a good time.
-Oh Je -- couldn't he sleep with Rita? We'11 all have a good time.	I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.	Come on, let's go.
-Come on, let's go.	Where?
-Where?	Somewhere.
-I feel like a criminal or, like we're cheating on someone.	Just... just relax. Okay? We won't do anything. We'11 just sit here for a while.
-Just... just relax. Okay? We won't do anything. We'11 just sit here for a while.	Okay.
-Okay.	Come on...
-I need to talk.	Are you all right?
-Are you all right?	"She lied to me. I mean all my life, she's telling me one story and then... it turns out to be a completely different story. Come to me at some point -- tell me the truth. No. Not in my house. The truth is a stranger. And this is why Ray and Marcia are the way they are. Marcia gets involved with all these losers and sees no problem with herself - ""How do they find me"" she says. Ray cheats on you and then blames me for it. I'm the only one in the family who takes any responsibility for himself... Oh, man... Are you all right?"
-"She lied to me. I mean all my life, she's telling me one story and then... it turns out to be a completely different story. Come to me at some point -- tell me the truth. No. Not in my house. The truth is a stranger. And this is why Ray and Marcia are the way they are. Marcia gets involved with all these losers and sees no problem with herself - ""How do they find me"" she says. Ray cheats on you and then blames me for it. I'm the only one in the family who takes any responsibility for himself... Oh, man... Are you all right?"	Yeah... I saw that girl come on to you at the TV show.
-Yeah... I saw that girl come on to you at the TV show.	Oh that was... no, I ... she just kind of trapped me into giving her a ride. It's you. I want you.
-Oh that was... no, I ... she just kind of trapped me into giving her a ride. It's you. I want you.	...yeah?
-It's not their fault.	No. It's your fault.
-What do you want me to do? You want me to quit the show?!	No... Could you?
-No... Could you?	No. If I quit I don't get the balloon payment.
-No. If I quit I don't get the balloon payment.	The what?
-The what?	Ray borrowed this whole tub of money against this balloon payment that I don't get if I qu -- it's too complicated. I -- Besides...
-Ray borrowed this whole tub of money against this balloon payment that I don't get if I qu -- it's too complicated. I -- Besides...	What?
-"You see how people look at me. Like when they ask for my autograph or say ""Hi"" to me... It's like I'm a basketball player or a... you know, like I'm someone."	Everybody's someone.
-Everybody's someone.	"Well, yeah, everybody's someone. But I mean someone they want to be. I mean let's face it, I'm working in the video store, no one's coming in saying ""oh, I wish I was that guy. 1 wish was rewinding that huge pile of tapes."" At least for a month I'm not just a guy with a name tag. I'm famous."
-This is going right up your ass.	Come on.
-Kinda'.	"It's what I do. I yell ""Geronimo"" and jump out of a relationship."
-You weren't able to make me feel safe or secure -- no easy job for any  man, I admit -- and my problem is, if I think I'm losing, I pull myself out of the game. I bail. See? I told you, I'm the love coroner.	What did you do to your hair?
-What did you do to your hair?	My truck overheated, so I opened the hood and my hair got caught in the fan belt. So I had to get a haircut.
-My truck overheated, so I opened the hood and my hair got caught in the fan belt. So I had to get a haircut.	It's nice.
-Let's have a contest. Now this would mostly be open to professional investigators and detectives. But anyone can join in.	What do we have to do?
-What do we have to do?	My lovely assistant, Shari. I'm glad you asked. The contest is who can dig up -- legally, of course -- I'm not suggesting that anyone break any laws -- the most embarrassing and humiliating facts about any of the executives here at the North American Broadcasting System which owns Real TV.
-But facts! They have to be verified. Anything from their past, their present, business, personal -- arrests, affairs ... And whoever comes up with the sleaziest, most degrading material -- I'11 give you ten thousand dollars. And you get to be on Ed TV.  Hah?	So act now. Here's Ed's home phone number.
-What's up?	Where were you?
-Where were you?	I was... having dinner with Shari and her parents.
-What do you mean all of a sudden? You've been going with her six months.	"I know. I mean I'm sitting there and her father's asking me about my ""career prospects"" and I'm playing ""Risk,"" with her kid brother, Leon and at dinner the dog's sniffing at my balls -- at least I hope it was the dog. 'Cause her mother disappeared for a while."
-You know, that would be like a great thing.	What?
-What?	That! Being that guy. Being the guy they watch.
-That! Being that guy. Being the guy they watch.	What are you drunk?
-What are you drunk?	Yeah, but let's stay on one subject. Whoever that person is is going to be famous. They'll be able to get whatever they want. They'll ... trust me, this is my business.
-Yeah, but let's stay on one subject. Whoever that person is is going to be famous. They'll be able to get whatever they want. They'll ... trust me, this is my business.	What is?!
-What is?!	Show business.
-Show business.	You're in show business?
-You're in show business?	Yeah. I service video equipment.
-Yeah. I service video equipment.	That's like... those people stitching Nikes in Panama saying they're in the NBA.
-That's like... those people stitching Nikes in Panama saying they're in the NBA.	I'm not stitching Nikes in Panama! ... Bedwetter!
-I'm not stitching Nikes in Panama! ... Bedwetter!	Thumbsucker!
-Thumbsucker!	I'm making a tape.
-I'm making a tape.	We're excited.
-I got your message. Way to go!	Hi, Shari.  Let's go in the stockroom.
-I ... I'm not gonna do it.	What?
-What?	Look -- there's a million ways to humiliate yourself - I gotta think of a new way? I mean, it's all day! Every minute. Id be like a monkey at the zoo. I just...
-Look -- there's a million ways to humiliate yourself - I gotta think of a new way? I mean, it's all day! Every minute. Id be like a monkey at the zoo. I just...	Oh man! They couldn't pick me! They had to pick you!
-You would do this? You would actually --	In a second! In a hot second. Let me ask you something --
-In a second! In a hot second. Let me ask you something --	Why do you do that?
-Why do you do that?	What?
-What?	"Whenever you ask me something why do you always say ""Let me ask you something?"" Why don't you just ask me?"
-"Whenever you ask me something why do you always say ""Let me ask you something?"" Why don't you just ask me?"	All right. Let me ask you something... are you happy like this?
-All right. Let me ask you something... are you happy like this?	I'm doing all right.
-I'm doing all right.	Oh Yeah? What's your master plan here?
-"You're gonna be a video store clerk for the rest of your life? This is your big ambition, rearranging the ""Ernest"" movies?"	Screw off.
-Screw off.	How many opportunities are you going to get in your life?
-How many opportunities are you going to get in your life?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	That's right. You don't know. Doors don't fly open for guys like us.
-That's right. You don't know. Doors don't fly open for guys like us.	Hey. You know-- we're not the same. I got a good life, this job suits me. I come and go when I please --
-Hey. You know-- we're not the same. I got a good life, this job suits me. I come and go when I please --	Oh, don't bullshit a bullshitter. If you're happy like this you're an idiot, and you're not an idiot.  Hi.
-All right.	Yeah?!
-Yeah?!	Yeah.
-Polish acrobat.	Hey. Check this out.  Look at this.
-Okay, I just wanted to get your attention. My name is Ray and my friend Bucky and I design video systems. You've got an office or a big home, we'11 come out there design you an entire system.	See, they should've picked him. Look how comfortable he is out there.
-Hey, Ed. Did you hear about Marcia?	No. What happened?
-No. What happened?	That's our sister.  She's got a new boyfriend.
-Ray, maybe this isn't ...	No, this is great.  You'll love this.  He's a singer.
-No, this is great.  You'll love this.  He's a singer.	Marcia's living with a singer?
-Marcia's living with a singer?	Yeah. You know, piano bars. plays the piano and sings. That's how they met.
-I mean my question is what was she doing in a bar in the first place?	Ray --
-Ray --	She's an alcoholic, for Christ's sake.
-She's an alcoholic, for Christ's sake.	Oh, Jesus.
-Remember the last guy she got involved with? What was his name?	What's the dif --
-What's the dif --	Richie!  She spent six months dating a criminal
-Richie!  She spent six months dating a criminal	She didn't know he was a criminal. They had a relationship. They --
-She didn't know he was a criminal. They had a relationship. They --	"""Quick pull off the highway"" is not a relationship. Oh man, I gotta pee."
-What are you, hiding from the Police?  Show your face, you look great.  Doesn't she look great.	Great.
-Great.	While I'm gone, tell them about our cousin Lenny who's gay. We knew from when he was five.
-Who is it?	It's me, Ed.
-Hi.	You watching the ballgame?
-You watching the ballgame?	Uh, no, uh I'm a little tired. I fell asleep.
-Uh, no, uh I'm a little tired. I fell asleep.	Oh. All right. I'11 watch at home, then.
-Oh. All right. I'11 watch at home, then.	Yeah...
-Hello... Shari, hi... Oh no! ... Oh God!	We'd better go...
-What is this? What's going on, who is that?	"It's the receptionist at one of the places I service video equipment -- she's very pretty and, you know, she never even talks to me and then today I come in and she's all ""I saw you on TV the other night... You were so great ... "" Next thing I know we're ..."
-"It's the receptionist at one of the places I service video equipment -- she's very pretty and, you know, she never even talks to me and then today I come in and she's all ""I saw you on TV the other night... You were so great ... "" Next thing I know we're ..."	Next thing you know! Why didn't you stop?
-Next thing you know! Why didn't you stop?	Stop? I'm a guy. I don't stop. The woman's supposed to stop. We're the gas, they're the brakes.
-I don't even know her. All I know is she likes Snapple.	No, not her. Shari. Go over there and talk to her
-Why me?	You brought the cameras here!
-You brought the cameras here!	You brought the girl!
-You brought the girl!	Please!
-Please!	If I go over to Shari, the camera's going there, too.
-... Ray?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Oh, man, I've been trying to call you.
-Oh, man, I've been trying to call you.	I know.
-I know.	Look, we gotta talk.
-Look, we gotta talk.	Save it.
-What are we gonna fight? Ray, please, listen to me --	Cassie...
-Good-bye, brother!	Ray, come an--
-Cliff left her, thanks to you.	Me?!
-Me?!	That's right. You put Cliff on television. So then he decided he was too good for her and he left.
-That's right. You put Cliff on television. So then he decided he was too good for her and he left.	I put his -- who --  Look, Marsh, he's not that good a singer, he'll be back.
-Come on, Ma.	"Let's remember how I got into this. ""Please, Eddie, do this for me. I can't get a break."""
-"Let's remember how I got into this. ""Please, Eddie, do this for me. I can't get a break."""	You know what your problem is?
-You know what your problem is?	"Yeah. My problem is I've got a brother who writes a sentence like ""We grew up in a small, little bedroom."" As opposed to a big, little bedroom?"
-"Yeah. My problem is I've got a brother who writes a sentence like ""We grew up in a small, little bedroom."" As opposed to a big, little bedroom?"	I got paid by the word! No! Your problem is you don't ever want anything to be your fault.
-I got paid by the word! No! Your problem is you don't ever want anything to be your fault.	Me?! That's you!
-Me?! That's you!	I commit. I take a chance. You wanted to be the guy on TV, but you didn't want to say you wanted to. So you have me talk you into it so you get what you want, but if it goes bad it's not your fault.
-"And each contestant gets one of these.  An ""I tried to screw a network executive"" tee-shirt."	A hundred per cent cotton. Okay, here we go, Andy.
-Ray, where do you keep the glasses?	Oh, is Shari here? Why didn't you just say so? Why are you giving me a song-and-dance about being tired?
-Oh, is Shari here? Why didn't you just say so? Why are you giving me a song-and-dance about being tired?	Hi, Shari.
-Hi, Shari.	Who's Shari?
-Who's Shari?	Who's --
-Mr. Pekurny. I'm sorry to bother you. My son would just love to have your autograph.	No problema.  You want a picture?
-No -- keep it.	I love you! 1 want to marry you!
-Hello.	Hi.
-You don't recognize me.	No. Am I supposed to?
-Who is it?	It's Ed.
-Quite a shithole, isn't it?	It could be, if you fixed it up. How did you... ? I mean how does anyone ... wind up like this?
-It could be, if you fixed it up. How did you... ? I mean how does anyone ... wind up like this?	I was in jail.
-I was in jail.	The whole time? Eighteen years?
-The whole time? Eighteen years?	No. Two times.
-No. Two times.	What...
-What...	Check forging.
-Check forging.	Oh, man! So...
-Oh, man! So...	The last two years, I've been a limousine driver, but I don't see well anymore, so...
-The last two years, I've been a limousine driver, but I don't see well anymore, so...	"So you saw me on TV and you said ""Hey, let me jump on this."""
-"So you saw me on TV and you said ""Hey, let me jump on this."""	I need help. How many times if just one little thing that I needed would've happened, it would've changed everything. If I had a few dollars when an opportunity came along or... the tumblers just never clicked for me.
-All right... This is my father, I don't know what the hell he can do, but if anyone out there can help him -- get him a job - I'11 ... help you. I'11 ... mention your business or ... I don't know, we'11 figure it out.  I gotta go.	Ed... I'm sorry.
-Ed... I'm sorry.	Yeah? That's good. Sorry is good. You know I finished that model.
-Yeah? That's good. Sorry is good. You know I finished that model.	What...
-What...	The pirate ship.
-"-- That we were doing ""together."" I finished it. It came out great! Because no one was standing over my shoulder bothering me - ""That's too much glue. You're using too much glue."""	Do you still have it?
-Do you still have it?	No. Ray sat on it. I'11 see you.
-That girl's an idiot.	What?... Why?
-Hi.	Hi.
-I'm Jill. I really like your show. I think you're great.	Thanks... That's ...
-Oh, yeah, I love those. Yeah... those are funny...	Well, it was really nice meeting you and, uh...  I'd better get a cab.
-Um... They gave me a limo, uh...	Oh, great! Thanks. I'm just going uptown.
-Oh!!	We have to stop meeting like this.
-We have to stop meeting like this.	Hm?
-Are you busy tomorrow night?	No.
-No.	Why don't you come over. And I'11 make dinner. And you bring a movie. And ... We'11 make a night of it ... okay?
-Why don't you come over. And I'11 make dinner. And you bring a movie. And ... We'11 make a night of it ... okay?	Sure.
-Can I help with anything?	No. It's going to be about a half-hour.
-No. It's going to be about a half-hour.	What is? Oh, dinner!
-Mm.	Good?
-Good?	Mm.
-Ohhh...	Ed?
-Ed?	Ohh... do you own a cat?
-Ohh... do you own a cat?	Yeah. Why?
-Look, can we all just sign the releases so we can get on with this?	"What happened? You described this ""crazy-kooky"" family who'd be a million laughs on TV?"
-We don't have foibles.	Everyone has foibles. Then the whole country sees them on TV and mocks them. Then we have... mocked foibles.
-Look, my life is not so great, that I want it shown on television. And neither is yours.	That's the point -- this could change things.
-That's the point -- this could change things.	How?
-How?	For instance... me and my friend Bucky are buying out my boss. His equipment, trucks, client list, the whole shmear.
-For instance... me and my friend Bucky are buying out my boss. His equipment, trucks, client list, the whole shmear.	What does that have to do with... ?
-What does that have to do with... ?	If they keep Ed on for one full month, he gets a balloon payment.
-Sign here, please.	That Ray was a pig. Ed is doll. You latch on to him honey.
-That Ray was a pig. Ed is doll. You latch on to him honey.	By the X.
-By the X.	Some more make-up wouldn't do you any harm. On TV you look a little washed out.
-Some more make-up wouldn't do you any harm. On TV you look a little washed out.	What would I actually have to do to get you to sign this?
-What would I actually have to do to get you to sign this?	Oh, an TV a minute and already an attitude.
-Oh, an TV a minute and already an attitude.	By the X. That's were two lines cross -- forming an X.
-Yo --	pierdo.
-pierdo.	Tu
-Tu	pierdes.
-pierdes.	El/ella -
-El/ella -	pierde.
-A few months before the election, she'd had an affair with my best friend Dave Novotny.	Don't tell me that.  I don't want to know that.
-Don't tell me that.  I don't want to know that.	She's incredible.  Everything just gets soaked.
-You could tell Dave was one of those guys who taught because they never wanted to leave high school in the first place, and that could get a little irritating sometimes, but basically he was a real good guy.	Foxy. . . Foxy. . . You know you're a cute little heartbreaker... Foxy... You know you're a sweet little love maker...
-You did it at your house?  Your own house?	Look, Jim...  Okay.  I know it all seems crazy, and maybe it did start out, you know, for the... for the sex and the danger.  But now it's different.  Jim, what I'm trying to tell you is that Tracy and I are totally, totally in love.
-Look, Jim...  Okay.  I know it all seems crazy, and maybe it did start out, you know, for the... for the sex and the danger.  But now it's different.  Jim, what I'm trying to tell you is that Tracy and I are totally, totally in love.	In love?
-In love?	Yeah, it's serious.  I mean she inspires me in ways Sherry never has. She even wants to read my novel.
-Yeah, it's serious.  I mean she inspires me in ways Sherry never has. She even wants to read my novel.	But you haven't written your novel.
-But you haven't written your novel.	That's the whole point. It's all in my head; it's right here.  I just got to get it out there. Tracy wants me to write it so she can read it.  It's beautiful.
-That's the whole point. It's all in my head; it's right here.  I just got to get it out there. Tracy wants me to write it so she can read it.  It's beautiful.	Dave, I'm just saying this as your friend.  What you're doing is really, really wrong, and you've got to stop.
-You're not just jealous, are you?  I mean, we both used to talk about her	That was just talk!  Fantasy talk! What are you, nuts?  We talk about girls all the time, but it doesn't mean anything. I would never. . . I mean, I take very seriously our strict moral code.  The line you've crossed is... it's illegal and it's immoral.
-That was just talk!  Fantasy talk! What are you, nuts?  We talk about girls all the time, but it doesn't mean anything. I would never. . . I mean, I take very seriously our strict moral code.  The line you've crossed is... it's illegal and it's immoral.	I don't need a lecture on ethics, Jim, okay?  I know what --
-I don't need a lecture on ethics, Jim, okay?  I know what --	I'm not talking about ethics.  I'm talking about morals.
-Sherry   Sherry  Sheerrry. ...	He ended up moving back to Milwaukee to live with his parents. I haven't heard from him in a long time. Poor guy. I warned him.
-One night he took us editors out to celebrate after a deadline. Eventually Dave and I were left alone and we got to talking - not like teacher and student, but like two adults.	You know, Tracy... I don't know how to say this, but...
-what?	Well, I notice you don't seem to have any close friends at Millard. You seem to be kind of a loner.
-Well, I notice you don't seem to have any close friends at Millard. You seem to be kind of a loner.	No, I'm not. I'm just really busy.
-No, I'm not. I'm just really busy.	I know.  I know its not by choice.  I just mean, well, being the kind of person you are, it must be really difficult to find someone you can talk to.
-I know.  I know its not by choice.  I just mean, well, being the kind of person you are, it must be really difficult to find someone you can talk to.	What do you mean? What kind of person am I?
-What do you mean? What kind of person am I?	What kind of person?
-Tracy, I've been watching you for going on two years now, and I think you are one of the most talented, hard-working, sensitive, attractive, brilliant students -- no, human beings -- I have ever met.  I mean, you're the real thing.  Special.	Thank you.
-Thank you.	And I know sometimes people like you have to pay a price for their greatness, and that price is loneliness.
-It was the first time somebody ever saw the real me, the me that nobody else knows.	Here, get down.
-Thank God for Diane.  She was my best friend, my source of love and strength. Oh sure, we'd had our share of bumpy times, but we'd always seen them through.  After nine years of marriage, we were closer than ever.  And the secret? Good communication.	Anything wrong?
-Anything wrong?	Everything's fine.  Just, you know, school.
-Around that time Diane and I were hanging out a lot at Sherry Novotny's house, giving her our love and support and helping her make it through a difficult time.	Jim, don't.  You're scaring him.
-Jim, don't.  You're scaring him.	He likes it.
-You gonna do it? You gonna do it?	Yeah, uh, just a minute
-Yeah, uh, just a minute	Come on, doit. Doit. Fill me up. Come on, fill me up
-Come on, doit. Doit. Fill me up. Come on, fill me up	Yeah, just --
-Yeah, just --	Do it!
-How'd it go?	Fine. You know. We just went to Crossroads.
-Fine. You know. We just went to Crossroads.	You guys have fun?
-Yeah. No. I mean, you know.	What?
-What?	Well, Sherry's great.  But she can be a little much sometimes.
-Don't you smartass me!  Don't you dare smartass me!  You just shut your mouth I  Now your mother and I have had a long talk with Halt Hendricks  --- we just got off the phone with him at home. You know, he doesn't want you back at Millard.  He's fed up with you.  Fed up!  And I don't blame him!	Dick... Dick,..
-Dick... Dick,..	What?
-What?	Tammy,  now we've come to a decision. He just think it would be best --
-Tammy,  now we've come to a decision. He just think it would be best --	You're going to Catholic school next year.  You're going to Sacred Heart. Maybe they'll straighten you out!
-Having a problem with your eye there?	Dick.
-All right.  Well, sure nice to meet you.	So nice
-What?  Right.  So let's start counting.	Well, I thought that... well, the way it always works is that SGA president does a count, then the SGA advisor, you know, for the two independent counts.
-Well, I thought that... well, the way it always works is that SGA president does a count, then the SGA advisor, you know, for the two independent counts.	Fine.  So do your count.  Start with president, and I'll be right back.
-Fine.  So do your count.  Start with president, and I'll be right back.	You have the key, Mr. McAllister.
-I just want to get this over with, so we can have the assembly and go home. We don't have much time until eighth period.  I have other things going on, too, you know.	Okay.  Yeah.  We know
-Okay.  Yeah.  We know	All right.  I'll be back
-What d'you got?	I'm not supposed to tell. Not until you've counted too. We're each supposed to make an independent count.
-I'm not supposed to tell. Not until you've counted too. We're each supposed to make an independent count.	You're kidding, right?
-You're kidding, right?	I thought those were the rules, Mr. McAllister. If they've changed in any way --
-I thought those were the rules, Mr. McAllister. If they've changed in any way --	Larry, we're not electing the fucking Pope here. Just tell me who won.
-Mr. M.?	Huh.  Okay.  Well, I guess I'd better do my count.
-Larry?	Yeah?
-Yeah?	I think we've got a problem.
-Mostly Tammy fans	See, it doesn't add up. There are only 801 ballots but 803 people voted. Two votes are missing. Check the register.
-See, it doesn't add up. There are only 801 ballots but 803 people voted. Two votes are missing. Check the register.	He's right. Two people must have pocketed their ballots. Usually it's more.
-He's right. Two people must have pocketed their ballots. Usually it's more.	But, they were there I counted 803 votes.
-But, they were there I counted 803 votes.	It happens, Larry. People make mistakes.
-It happens, Larry. People make mistakes.	I didn't make a mistake. Every vote was there when you sac down
-Larry? We've got twenty-five minutes until the assembly, and we still have to do counts for VP, Treasurer and Secretary. Mr. Hendricks and I have both verified the numbers, and unless you can come up with the ballots you claim are missing -	But, Mr. M. -
-Good morning, Mr. McAllister.	Not wasting any time, are you, Tracy?
-Not wasting any time, are you, Tracy?	You know what they say about the early bird.
-You know what they say about the early bird.	Yes, I do.
-Well, good luck there, Tracy	Thanks, Mr. M.
-Okay.  But we're still missing something key here.  What are we missing?	I know.
-I know.	Tracy.
-Tracy.	Ethics are...
-Now at the end of her junior year, Tracy was poised to win the presidency of the student body.  And so far she was running unopposed.	...the rules of conduct determined by a culture at a...
-...the rules of conduct determined by a culture at a...	Oh.  There's one more thing about Tracy I think you should know.
-I got all my signatures.  One hundred and fifty-eight -- way more than I need!	Hey, that's super
-Hey, that's super	Here they are.
-Here they are.	You can put those in my box.  I'll look at them tomorrow.
-You can put those in my box.  I'll look at them tomorrow.	Could you approve them now?  I'd like to kick off my campaign right away, you know, in the morning.
-Could you approve them now?  I'd like to kick off my campaign right away, you know, in the morning.	Right
-Looks good to me.	Aren't you supposed to keep them?
-Aren't you supposed to keep them?	NO, that's fine
-NO, that's fine	I thought you were supposed to keep them.
-I thought you were supposed to keep them.	Okay, fine. Sure
-Thanks for everything.	You bet.
-I can't wait to start campaigning.	Should be easy.  So far no competition.
-Should be easy.  So far no competition.	Hell, you know, Coca-Cola's the world's number one soft drink, but they spend more money than anybody on advertising. I guess that's how come they stay number one.
-Hell, you know, Coca-Cola's the world's number one soft drink, but they spend more money than anybody on advertising. I guess that's how come they stay number one.	Yeah.  Okay.  well, good luck Tracy
-You know, Mr. M., when I win the presidency, that means you and I are going to be spending a lot of time together next year.  And I for one would like that time to be harmonious and productive. Wouldn't you?	Sure
-Sure	Okay. That's good. I just wanted to make sure.
-Okay. That's good. I just wanted to make sure.	Good luck, Tracy.
-Fuck me, Mr. McAllister	So like I was saying, things were going pretty well in my life.
-You're the advisor.  You should stop her.  She's not qualified.  She's just a sophomore.	Calm down, Tracy.  Just calm down.
-Calm down, Tracy.  Just calm down.	Are you sure all her signatures are real?  It's not easy to get all those signatures.
-Are you sure all her signatures are real?  It's not easy to get all those signatures.	As far as I know, they--
-These are a bunch of burn-outs. And look at this one, I can't even read this one.	Looks like Tim Kobza.
-Tim Kobza?  Tim Kobza!  Who's he? I've never heard of him!	Look, why don't we just forget about Tammy?  We'll have the assembly tomorrow, everybody'll make their speeches, and I'm sure everything will be fine.
-I guess you know why you're here	If it's about the posters, I think it's so awful. It's a travesty.
-If it's about the posters, I think it's so awful. It's a travesty.	A travesty.  Huh.  That's interesting, because I think you did it.
-A travesty.  Huh.  That's interesting, because I think you did it.	Wait - are you accusing me? You're not serious.  I can't... Mr. McAllister, we have worked together on SGA for three solid years and... I mean, I can't believe it. I'm... I'm shocked!
-Mr. M., I am running on my qualifications.  I would never need to resort to, you know, to vandalism like a, you know... Plus, my own best banner was torn down.  Did I do that too?	Were you or were you not working in the Watchdog office over the weekend?
-Were you or were you not working in the Watchdog office over the weekend?	I was.  So?  Mr. Pecharda let me in. As you know, with all my responsibilities I often come in on the weekend and have permission to do so. But I left very early, around 6:30.
-I was.  So?  Mr. Pecharda let me in. As you know, with all my responsibilities I often come in on the weekend and have permission to do so. But I left very early, around 6:30.	6:30.  How do you know what time the posters were torn down?
-6:30.  How do you know what time the posters were torn down?	I don't.  I just know they were there when I left.  I'm giving you helpful information is all.  You know, instead of wasting time interrogating me, we should be out there trying to find out who did this.
-I don't.  I just know they were there when I left.  I'm giving you helpful information is all.  You know, instead of wasting time interrogating me, we should be out there trying to find out who did this.	"Okay, Tracy, so who do you think did it?  Whom should we ""interrogate?"""
-"Okay, Tracy, so who do you think did it?  Whom should we ""interrogate?"""	well, I don't know.  It could have been anybody.  There are a lot of, you know, subversive elements around Millard.  You know, like Rick Thieson and Kevin Speck and those burn-outs.  Or Doug Schenken - what about him?  Or what about Tammy Metzier?  Her whole thing is being anti- this and anti-that.
-You're a very intelligent girl, Tracy. You have many admirable qualities.  But someday maybe you'll learn that being smart and always being on top and doing whatever you need to do to get ahead, and yes, stepping on people to get there, well, there's a lot more to life than that.  And in the end, you're only cheating yourself.	Why are you lecturing me?
-Why are you lecturing me?	This isn't the time or the place to get into it, but there is, for just one example, a certain former colleague of mine, who made a very big mistake, a life mistake.  I think the lesson there is that, old and young, we ail make mistakes, and we have to learn that our actions, all of them, can carry serious consequences.  You're very young, Tracy underage, in fact -- but maybe one day you'll understand.
-This isn't the time or the place to get into it, but there is, for just one example, a certain former colleague of mine, who made a very big mistake, a life mistake.  I think the lesson there is that, old and young, we ail make mistakes, and we have to learn that our actions, all of them, can carry serious consequences.  You're very young, Tracy underage, in fact -- but maybe one day you'll understand.	I don't know what you're referring to, but I do know that if certain older and wiser people hadn't acted like such little babies and gotten all mushy, everything would be okay.
-I don't know what you're referring to, but I do know that if certain older and wiser people hadn't acted like such little babies and gotten all mushy, everything would be okay.	I agree.  But I also think certain young and naive people need to thank their lucky stars and be very, very grateful the whole school didn't find out about certain indiscretions which could have ruined their reputations, and chances to win certain elections.
-I agree.  But I also think certain young and naive people need to thank their lucky stars and be very, very grateful the whole school didn't find out about certain indiscretions which could have ruined their reputations, and chances to win certain elections.	"And I think certain older persons like you and your ""colleague"" shouldn't be leaching after their students, especially when some of them can't even get their own wives pregnant.  And they certainly shouldn't be running around making slanderous accusations. Especially when certain young, naive people's mothers are para-legal secretaries at the city's biggest law firm and have won many successful lawsuits. And if you want to keep questioning me like this, I won't continue without my attorney present."
-Yes?	Looks like today's your lucky day
-What do you mean?	You're off the hook. Tammy here has confessed.
-I told you!  I told you!  You're going to pay for my banner!	That's enough, Tracy.  Quit while you're ahead, okay?  I'll handle this.  Could you ask Walt to come in?
-Act surprised. Walk slowly to the podium.  Be modest.  Thank them for this incredible honor.	That said, the whole point of an election is to choose winners, and that you have done.  We'll begin with president.
-Hello, Mr. M.	Hello, Tracy.
-So what brings you here?	I'm looking at new cars.
-I'm looking at new cars.	Oh.  New cars.  I see.  Well, you came to the right place
-Oh.  New cars.  I see.  Well, you came to the right place	My mother's buying me a new car for college.
-My mother's buying me a new car for college.	Huh.  Right.  College.  Wow.  Where are you going?  Where 'd you get into?
-Huh.  Right.  College.  Wow.  Where are you going?  Where 'd you get into?	Well, I got in everywhere I applied, but Cornell is my first choice.
-Well, I got in everywhere I applied, but Cornell is my first choice.	Good for you.  Good for you
-So, are you looking for something sporty or more practical?	Sporty.
-Where to?	Anywhere you want.  Just so long as we're not gone more than a half-hour.
-Handles pretty good, don't you think?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Plenty of pep, too.
-Plenty of pep, too.	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	And this model comes with ABS and dual air bags standard.
-And this model comes with ABS and dual air bags standard.	That sounds good.
-So Tracy?	Yes?
-Yes?	Why are you doing this?
-Why are you doing this?	Doing what?
-Doing what?	Coming to see me.  Are you trying to. . humiliate me?
-Coming to see me.  Are you trying to. . humiliate me?	Nooo.  I just thought...  l mean, I am looking for a new car.  But I just thought, well, I'm going away soon, and you'll be stuck here and, I don't know, I just think maybe if things had been different we might have been, well, friends. Real friends.  And then things would be different.  Don't you think?
-Well, I... I... that's very nice of you.	I've got an idea.
-What's this?	My house.
-I want you to do something for me.	Swallows, unsure what heaven or hell awaits him.
-Swallows, unsure what heaven or hell awaits him.	I just have to get something. I'll be right back.
-Oh, is this...?  God. First one of these I haven't been in for a long time.	Would you sign it for me?
-What a surprise.	Take as much room as you want
-I'm scared, Mr. M. I kind of don't feel ready for college.	You'll be fine.
-You'll be fine.	I hope so
-I hope so	You will.
-That little bitch made a fool of us I want her out of the election. Getting everybody all riled up like that.  She's finished, you hear me? Washed up.	Walt, we can't throw her out of the election just because we don't like her speech.  That's not what student government's about.
-Walt, we can't throw her out of the election just because we don't like her speech.  That's not what student government's about.	Yeah... whatever.  All I know is she's a troublemaker.  She's on my list.
-Jim, where the hell have you been?	Nowhere.  I don't have class until second period.
-Nowhere.  I don't have class until second period.	Even tried you at home.  We've got a situation here.
-Well, that speech she gave -- it was pretty, you know, pretty out there.  But we'll get to the bottom of it.  Don't you worry. Mr. McAllister is going to see to that.  Right, Jim?	Oh yeah, you bet.
-Life would go on, and I would certainly be a stronger and wiser person from the experience.	Uh, Jim?
-Uh, Jim?	Hmm?
-Hmm?	Walt needs to see you.
-Walt needs to see you.	Oh.  Okay.
-Walt will be speaking with you about this, but I need you to find someone to take over my classes. The lesson plans for the rest of the year are in my top right drawer.	Okay, Jim. I understand.
-Okay, Jim. I understand.	Thanks. Well. I'm going home now.
-You wanted to see me, Mr. M.?	Just wait outside. Tammy.
-Just wait outside. Tammy.	Okay.  But is this about the posters?
-Okay.  But is this about the posters?	Possibly.  Please just wait outside.
-Possibly.  Please just wait outside.	Okay.  Because I know who did it.  So.. I'll just be outside.
-So... what do you have to tell me?	Well, this is hard for me, but I think it's important to be honest. Don't you?
-Well, this is hard for me, but I think it's important to be honest. Don't you?	What is it. Tammy?
-What is it. Tammy?	I'm the one.  I did it.  I tore down Paul's posters.
-I'm the one.  I did it.  I tore down Paul's posters.	Looks at her skeptically  doesn't say a word.
-Looks at her skeptically  doesn't say a word.	I did it.
-I did it.	And when did you do it?
-And when did you do it?	This weekend.
-This weekend.	Exactly when?
-Exactly when?	I don't know. Yesterday.  Sunday.
-I don't know. Yesterday.  Sunday.	And how did you get in the school?
-And how did you get in the school?	Door was open.
-Door was open.	Which door?
-Which door?	I don't know. All I know is I did it I
-I don't know. All I know is I did it I	I don't believe you.
-I don't believe you.	I have proof.
-After Dave got fired, Sherry kicked him out of the house and filed for divorce.	Your novel? Are you fucking kidding me?
-Could you get this? I can't	Sure.
-Without Dave around. Sherry needed a lot of help around the house.	Here?
-Here?	More this way.
-More this way.	Okay.  Give me the drill.
-I can't afford this stuff right now.	Oh, come on.  You've had a hard year, you're cooped up with the kid all the time.  Let go; live a little.
-Oh, come on.  You've had a hard year, you're cooped up with the kid all the time.  Let go; live a little.	You sure?
-So what do you think?  Should we get a room?	Should we get a what?
-Should we get a what?	points at the motel.
-points at the motel.	Oh.
-Shall we give it a name?	Dave.
-Did you know Dave's a bed wetter?	No, I... uh, didn't know that
-No, I... uh, didn't know that	All his life.  He's tried everything.
-All his life.  He's tried everything.	Still clear?
-Still clear?	Yep.
-Yep.	We'll let it run awhile
-Hey Yeah?	Take me to that motel.  Like you wanted.
-Take me to that motel.  Like you wanted.	Right now?
-Right now?	Easy, tiger.  Come by after school. I'll leave Darryl with the sitter.
-Easy, tiger.  Come by after school. I'll leave Darryl with the sitter.	Three twenty-five.
-Three twenty-five.	Three twenty-five.
-What do you want, Jim?	You're there.
-You're there.	Yeah.  I'm here.
-Yeah.  I'm here.	Sherry... I love you.
-Sherry... I love you.	Don't say that.  You know it's not true.
-Don't say that.  You know it's not true.	It's the only true thing I know anymore.
-It's the only true thing I know anymore.	We made a mistake.  Let's not make it worse.
-We made a mistake.  Let's not make it worse.	A mistake?  That was no mistake.
-A mistake?  That was no mistake.	I was lonely.  You took advantage
-I was lonely.  You took advantage	Me?  I took advantage of you?  You hugged me!  You kissed me!  You're the one who --
-Paul, I know you've been pretty down since your accident.	I wanted to play next year so bad I could taste it.  And maybe go on to...
-I wanted to play next year so bad I could taste it.  And maybe go on to...	I know.  I understand disappointment. I really do.
-I know.  I understand disappointment. I really do.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	But you've got a big choice right now. You can choose to be depressed about it for the rest of your life. Or you can choose to see it for what it really is: an opportunity.  I personally think you have a big future ahead of you, and I don't mean the fleeting glory of sports.
-But you've got a big choice right now. You can choose to be depressed about it for the rest of your life. Or you can choose to see it for what it really is: an opportunity.  I personally think you have a big future ahead of you, and I don't mean the fleeting glory of sports.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	Let me give you a clue.  You're a born leader.  You're one of the most popular students at Millard.  You're honest and straightforward.  You don't choke under pressure, as we all saw in that amazing fourth quarter against Westside.  The other kids look up to you.  What does that spell?
-Who, me?  Nooo.  I never... I don't know anything about that stuff, Mr. M. Besides, that's Tracy Flick's thing. She's always working so hard and --	Yeah, no, she's a go-getter, all right.
-Yeah, no, she's a go-getter, all right.	And she's super-nice
-And she's super-nice	Yeah.  But one person assured of victory kind of undermines the whole idea of a democracy, doesn't it? That's more like a... well, like a dictatorship, like we studied.
-Yeah.  But one person assured of victory kind of undermines the whole idea of a democracy, doesn't it? That's more like a... well, like a dictatorship, like we studied.	Paul, what's your favorite fruit?
-Paul, what's your favorite fruit?	Huh?  Oh.  Uh... pears
-Huh?  Oh.  Uh... pears	takes a piece of chalk from the lip of the blackboard.
-takes a piece of chalk from the lip of the blackboard.	Okay, let's say
-Okay, let's say	No, wait -- apples.  Apples.
-Fine.  Let's say all you ever knew was apples.  Apples, apples and more apples. You might think apples were pretty good, even if you occasionally got a rotten one. Then one day there's an orange. And now you can make a decision. Do you want an apple, or do you want an orange? That's democracy.	I also like bananas.
-I also like bananas.	Exactly.  So what do you say?  Maybe it's time to give a little something back.
-Oh, no.  No.  I'm just finishing up here, and I've got to get home.	Why don't you guys go sit down, okay? I'll catch up in a minute? I want to talk to Mr. M. about some important stuff.
-And on Halloween we could have a haunted house.  But a really good haunted house, not like those cheesy bad ones.  You know, more like the radio station ones.  This one would be really scary.  And for Homecoming -- well, you know how last year's theme was -	Paul... Paul.... We'll have plenty of time to get into all this later.  A whole year, in fact. Right now I just need to finish my pie and get home.
-Paul... Paul.... We'll have plenty of time to get into all this later.  A whole year, in fact. Right now I just need to finish my pie and get home.	Oh, okay.  Yeah, sorry.
-Just one more thing.  So, Mr. M., uh, do you think Tracy's going to be okay? I saw her face after the assembly, and I think she's taking it pretty hard.	Don't worry about Tracy.  She'll be fine.
-253... 254... 255. I get the same as you Jim. Looks like Paul's our president.	No way I It doesn't make sense.
-No way I It doesn't make sense.	Sorry. My figures work out exactly the same as Jim's. 256 for Paul, 255 for Tracy.
-Sorry. My figures work out exactly the same as Jim's. 256 for Paul, 255 for Tracy.	"And 290 ""disregards,"" right?"
-"And 290 ""disregards,"" right?"	If you say so.
-Whoa! Easy, Fouch. I don't like where you're going.	I'm telling you. Dr. Hendricks, every vote was accounted for.
-You said I was a liar   You're the liar, you're the --	Larry, you just take it easy
-What?	I told you ... I can't. I just -- It doesn't feel right anymore, you know?
-Where 're you going?	I'm not like you.
-I'm not like you.	What...?
-What...?	I'm not a dyke, okay, and we're not in love. We were just... I was just experimenting.
-Are you crazy?	What?
-What?	People can see this.
-People can see this.	So?
-So?	These are private -- these are for us.
-These are private -- these are for us.	I know.
-I know.	But other people can see them too.
-But other people can see them too.	I don't care.
-I don't care.	Well, I do.
-Uhhh... teeth. Teeth.	Sorry.
-We can't both run, can we?  We're brother and sister.  Can we?	It's a conflict of interest.  And Paul was first.
-She's doing this to get back at me	For what?
-For what?	I mean at you.
-I mean at you.	For what?
-For what?	I don't know.  You're her brother you should know.
-We still have some extra ones, don't we?  Maybe we can just --	It was Tammy I  That's who it was.
-It was Tammy I  That's who it was.	Oh, no, hey.  Like I said. Tammy wouldn't... she...
-Who put you up to this?	Huh?  Oh, hi, Tracy
-Who put you up to this?	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	You just woke up this morning and suddenly decided to run for president?
-You just woke up this morning and suddenly decided to run for president?	No.  Uh... I just... you know, I just thought --
-No.  Uh... I just... you know, I just thought --	Thought what?
-Thought what?	Well, see, I was talking to Mr. McAllister about my leg and everything... and how I still want to, you know, do something for the school and --
-Well, see, I was talking to Mr. McAllister about my leg and everything... and how I still want to, you know, do something for the school and --	So Mr. McAllister asked you to run.
-So Mr. McAllister asked you to run.	Well, I mean, you know, I talked to him and everything, but he just said he thought it was a good idea... and how there's all different kinds of fruit and...  It's nothing against you, Tracy. You're the best.  I just thought --
-Well, I mean, you know, I talked to him and everything, but he just said he thought it was a good idea... and how there's all different kinds of fruit and...  It's nothing against you, Tracy. You're the best.  I just thought --	Okay, Mr. Popular.  You're on.
-Way to go, Tracy!  Isn't this exciting?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Hell, good luck!
-Hell, good luck!	Good luck to you too, Paul.
-Good luck to you too, Paul.	Thanks!
-Paul, I just want you to know that no matter how this turns out, you've run a wonderful campaign. It's been fun competing with you.	Yeah, you too, Tracy.  I'm just glad it's over.
-Yeah, you too, Tracy.  I'm just glad it's over.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	You know, I don't understand why everybody bad-mouthed Tracy all the time.  She was always super- nice to me.
-Paul, will you sign my yearbook?	Sure, Tracy.
-Can I sign yours too?	Oh, yeah, sure.  Hey Nolan, give my book to Tracy when you're done*
-Yes, Paul?	Have a great summer.  And good luck at college.
-Have a great summer.  And good luck at college.	Thanks.  You too.  It was great working with you.
-Hey, Tammy, guess what happened today.	Don't you fucking knock?
-Don't you fucking knock?	Yeah.  So guess what happened.  So Mr. McAllister, he --  Oh hi. Lisa.
-Yeah.  So guess what happened.  So Mr. McAllister, he --  Oh hi. Lisa.	Paul, get out!
-Paul, get out!	So Mr. M. calls me in and tells me --
-You dumbshit!	What'd I do?
-What'd I do?	You know how they say one day a big meteor might come and crash into the Earth and kill everybody? Well, I think that would be a good thing.
-What do you want?	Oh.  Hi, Tammy.  I was just, you know, I went to all your teachers and got your assignments.
-I just thought, well, last time you got suspended you fell so behind and -	Okay, Paul.  Thanks.  Thanks a lot.
-Now could you leave me alone?	Yeah.  Oh, one more thing. Tammy. You know, all this election stuff. 'Cause, you know, everyone is saying it's so weird that you're running against me, and, well, it is kind of weird, and you haven't really told me why you're doing it and didn't tell me in advance or anything.  But that's okay, you know.  l respect your privacy.  I just want you to know that no matter who wins, if it's you or me, there's no hard feelings. We're still brother and sister.  Okay? Cause... and I hope you feel the same.
-Yeah.  Oh, one more thing. Tammy. You know, all this election stuff. 'Cause, you know, everyone is saying it's so weird that you're running against me, and, well, it is kind of weird, and you haven't really told me why you're doing it and didn't tell me in advance or anything.  But that's okay, you know.  l respect your privacy.  I just want you to know that no matter who wins, if it's you or me, there's no hard feelings. We're still brother and sister.  Okay? Cause... and I hope you feel the same.	Sure, Paul.  No hard feelings.
-Sure, Paul.  No hard feelings.	Okay.  Great.  I feel good.
-How's the left these days?	What's it to you?
-What's it to you?	I saw you fight Kid Gavilan.  I like your style.
-I saw you fight Kid Gavilan.  I like your style.	What do you want, Mr. Policeman?
-What do you want, Mr. Policeman?	You got a brother up in Folsom.  I know because I put him there.
-You got a brother up in Folsom.  I know because I put him there.	Till 19-fucking-70.
-Till 19-fucking-70.	How'd you like to make it 1960?  I know the judge and Sergeant Exley here is friends with hte D.A.
-We're looking for three colored guys who like to pop off shotguns. One of 'em owns a purple Merc coupe.	You wanna get me a fuckin' snitch jacket?
-You wanna get me a fuckin' snitch jacket?	You wanna buy your brother ten years...?  You don't have to say anything.  Just look at this list and point.  Here.
-Merry Christmas.	Merry Christmas yourself, Officer.
-Merry Christmas yourself, Officer.	That obvious, huh?
-That obvious, huh?	It's practically stamped on your forehead.
-Somebody hit you?	It's not what you think.
-Can I get you a drink?	Yeah, plain scotch.
-I was friendly with Sue Lefferts, but we weren't really friends. You know what I mean?	Are you sorry she's dead?
-Are you sorry she's dead?	Of course I am.  What kind of question is that?
-Have you ever heard of Dick Stensland?	No I haven't.  Do you know why Pierce is humoring you?
-No I haven't.  Do you know why Pierce is humoring you?	You use words like that, you might make me mad.
-You use words like that, you might make me mad.	Yes.  But do you know?
-Yes.  But do you know?	Yeah I know.  Patchett's running whores and judging by his address, probably something bigger on the side.  He doesn't want any attention.
-Yeah I know.  Patchett's running whores and judging by his address, probably something bigger on the side.  He doesn't want any attention.	That's right.  Our motives are selfish, so we're cooperating.
-That's right.  Our motives are selfish, so we're cooperating.	Why was Susan Lefferts at the Nite Owl?
-Why was Susan Lefferts at the Nite Owl?	I don't know.  I never heard of the Nite Owl till today.
-I don't know.  I never heard of the Nite Owl till today.	Did Lefferts have a boyfriend?
-Did Lefferts have a boyfriend?	Like I said we were friendly, not friends.
-Like I said we were friendly, not friends.	How'd she meet Patchett?
-How'd she meet Patchett?	Pierce meets people.  Sue came on the bus with dreams of Hollywood.  This is how they turned out.  Thanks to Pierce, we still get to act a little.
-Pierce meets people.  Sue came on the bus with dreams of Hollywood.  This is how they turned out.  Thanks to Pierce, we still get to act a little.	Tell me about Patchett.
-Tell me about Patchett.	He's waiting for you to mention mention.
-He's waiting for you to mention mention.	You want some advice, Miss Bracken?
-You want some advice, Miss Bracken?	It's Lynn.
-It's Lynn.	Miss Bracken, don't ever try to fucking bribe me or threaten me or I'll have you and Patchett in shit up to your ears.
-I remember you from Christmas Eve.  You have a thing for helping women, don't you, Officer White?	Maybe I'm just fucking curious.
-Maybe I'm just fucking curious.	You say 'fuck' a lot.
-You say 'fuck' a lot.	You fuck for money.
-You fuck for money.	There's blood on your shirt.  Is that an integral part of your job?
-There's blood on your shirt.  Is that an integral part of your job?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Do you enjoy it?
-Do you enjoy it?	When they deserve it.
-When they deserve it.	Did they deserve it today?
-Did they deserve it today?	I'm not sure.
-I'm not sure.	But you did it anyway.
-But you did it anyway.	Yeah, just like the half dozen guys you screwed today.
-Yeah, just like the half dozen guys you screwed today.	Actually, it was two.  You're different, Officer White.  You're the first man in five years who didn't tell me I look like Veronica Lake inside of a minute.
-Actually, it was two.  You're different, Officer White.  You're the first man in five years who didn't tell me I look like Veronica Lake inside of a minute.	You look better than Veronica Lake.  Now, Pierce Patchett.
-You look better than Veronica Lake.  Now, Pierce Patchett.	He takes a cut of our earnings and invests it for us.  He makes us quit the life at thirty.  He doesn't let us use narcotics and he doesn't abuse us.  Can your policeman's mentality grasp those contradictions?
-He takes a cut of our earnings and invests it for us.  He makes us quit the life at thirty.  He doesn't let us use narcotics and he doesn't abuse us.  Can your policeman's mentality grasp those contradictions?	He had you cut to look like Veronica Lake?
-He had you cut to look like Veronica Lake?	No.  I'm really a brunette, but the rest is me.  And that's all the news that's fit to print.
-Look.  I want to see you again.	Are you asking me for a date or an appointment?
-Are you asking me for a date or an appointment?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	If it's a date I think you'd better tell me your first name because I --
-If it's a date I think you'd better tell me your first name because I --	Forget I asked.  It was a mistake.
-I wondered when you might ring the bell again, Officer White.	It's Bud.
-It doesn't matter.  All they get is Veronica Lake.  You got the real Lynn Margaret Bracken...  Where'd this come from?	When I was ten, my old man threw a bottle at my mother.  I guess I got in the way.
-When I was ten, my old man threw a bottle at my mother.  I guess I got in the way.	So you saved her.
-So you saved her.	Yeah.  But not for long.
-Do you like being a cop, Bud?	I used to.  What I do now is strong-arm.  Sitting duck stuff... No, I don't like it.  If I could work Homicide like a real detective...
-You found Patchett.  You found me. You're smart enough.  Be a detective if that's what you want.	That simple, huh?
-Did you talk to Exley?	Come in out of the rain.  In the morning we'll have both our stories for breakfast.
-I want to know about Exley.	He's the opposite of you.  He's more like me.  Cold, calculating.
-He's the opposite of you.  He's more like me.  Cold, calculating.	How'd you get to know so much about him?
-Come in out of the rain, Bud.	You gonna tell me what happened with you and Exley?
-You gonna tell me what happened with you and Exley?	We talked.
-We talked.	So tell me about it.
-So tell me about it.	In the morning.
-In the morning.	No.  Now.  You fucked him.
-Lad, may I have a word with you?	This business, Captain?
-This business, Captain?	Say goodnight to your friend and join me by those back tables.
-Does that paper say we've been indicted?  Does it say Exley's a hero for squealing me and Stensland off?	He made his play amd he got what he wanted.  They're making him a detective.
-He made his play amd he got what he wanted.  They're making him a detective.	Captain, what do you want?
-Captain, what do you want?	Call me Dudley.
-Call me Dudley.	Dudley, what do you want?
-Dudley, what do you want?	Lad, I admire your refusal to testify and your loyalty to your partner.  I admire you as a policeman, particularly your adherence to violence as a necessary adjutant to the job. And I am most impressed with your punishment of wife beaters.  Do you hate them, Wendell?
-Lad, I admire your refusal to testify and your loyalty to your partner.  I admire you as a policeman, particularly your adherence to violence as a necessary adjutant to the job. And I am most impressed with your punishment of wife beaters.  Do you hate them, Wendell?	Yeah, I hate them.
-Yeah, I hate them.	And for good reason judging from what I know of your background.
-What's going to happen to Stensland?  He'll give himself cirrhosis over this.  He's one year from his pension.	It would've happened years ago if you hadn't carried him.  Why the loyalty, Wendell?
-It would've happened years ago if you hadn't carried him.  Why the loyalty, Wendell?	He helped me out once.  That's all.
-He helped me out once.  That's all.	Your partner's through. Department scapegoat on the Chief's orders.  He's been billed, he'll be indicted and he'll swing.
-Your partner's through. Department scapegoat on the Chief's orders.  He's been billed, he'll be indicted and he'll swing.	Him and me both.  Fucking Exley.
-Him and me both.  Fucking Exley.	Don't underestimate his skills. As a politician he exceeds even myself.  But the department needs smart men like Exley and... direct men like yourself
-Don't underestimate his skills. As a politician he exceeds even myself.  But the department needs smart men like Exley and... direct men like yourself	What do you want?
-What do you want?	Wendell, I want you to come to work for me.
-Wendell, I want you to come to work for me.	Doing what?  Mowing your fucking lawn?
-They're yours.  Take them.	I knew you had juice, but... There's no goddamn bill on me?
-I knew you had juice, but... There's no goddamn bill on me?	Four of the defendants recanted their testimony.
-Four of the defendants recanted their testimony.	How?
-I need you for an assignment the Chief's given me the go-ahead on. A duty few men are fit for, but you were born for.  You'll be working out of Homicide.	Homicide?  A detective?
-Will you work for me?	Of course... But how?
-Of course... But how?	How what, Wendell?
-How what, Wendell?	How'd you get them to retract?
-Give me one minute.	You've got it, Wendell.
-You're perplexing to me these days, Wendell.  You're not your old, cruel self anymore.  I need proof that the extracurricular work I had planned for you remains within your grasp.	What work?
-What work?	I've long been involved in containing hard crime in such a way that myself and a few colleagues might someday enjoy a profit dispensation.  That day will soon be here and you'll share handsomely.  Grand means will be in our hands, Wendell.
-I've long been involved in containing hard crime in such a way that myself and a few colleagues might someday enjoy a profit dispensation.  That day will soon be here and you'll share handsomely.  Grand means will be in our hands, Wendell.	Imagine crime limited to the criminal element who perpetrate it. Imagine the means to keep the nigger filth sedated.  But don't stop there.  Extrapolate.  Imagine the police in control.  It's big, lad.
-Imagine crime limited to the criminal element who perpetrate it. Imagine the means to keep the nigger filth sedated.  But don't stop there.  Extrapolate.  Imagine the police in control.  It's big, lad.	You lost me, Dudley.  I don't know what you're talking about.
-You lost me, Dudley.  I don't know what you're talking about.	You have your extracurricular secrets, I have mine.  We'll hold a clarification session soon.  For now, I need your fearsome old habits at the Victory Motel. We're going to brace a man who may know who killed Jack Vincennes. Can I count on you?
-You have your extracurricular secrets, I have mine.  We'll hold a clarification session soon.  For now, I need your fearsome old habits at the Victory Motel. We're going to brace a man who may know who killed Jack Vincennes. Can I count on you?	Sure, boss.  Sure you can.
-You know him?	Seen him around.  He used to be a cop.
-Hey, partner.  Grab a cup.	I got to write my report first.
-Don't look so down in the mouth, Bud.  You nailed him good.	Yeah, sure... I got a couple of hours before I have to be at the Victory.  Want to grab a beer?
-Yeah, sure... I got a couple of hours before I have to be at the Victory.  Want to grab a beer?	Rain check me, partner.  I got something big going on tonight.
-Rain check me, partner.  I got something big going on tonight.	What?  That new mystery girl you've been seeing?
-What?  That new mystery girl you've been seeing?	No.  I'll tell you sometime.  Not now.  Don't want to jinx it.  But it could take the edge off that jail time I got coming.
-No.  I'll tell you sometime.  Not now.  Don't want to jinx it.  But it could take the edge off that jail time I got coming.	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	It's confidential, Bud.  Like that magazines Vincennes scams for. Hush-Hush.  I'll see you tomorrow.  And hey, if it works out, you'll get a piece of it.
-Mrs. Lefferts, I'm Officer White with the L.A.P.D.  I'd like to ask a couple of questions.	Let my daughter rest in peace.
-Let my daughter rest in peace.	Five minutes.  That's all.
-Tell me about the boyfriend she had.  The one you mentioned at the morgue.	First I want to go on record as saying that my Susie was a virgin when she died.
-First I want to go on record as saying that my Susie was a virgin when she died.	Ma'am, I'm sure she was.
-Susie, I told you I didn't approve of that boyfriend.  He was too old for you.  You let him come into this house and be fresh to me.  I went out one day and old Mrs. Jensen next door saw Susan's boyfriend and another man and thought she heard a ruckus.	What was that boyfriend's name?
-What was that boyfriend's name?	We were never properly introduced. Susan and I were fighting that day.  She called him by a nickname.  Muns or Lunts or something.
-We were never properly introduced. Susan and I were fighting that day.  She called him by a nickname.  Muns or Lunts or something.	Stens?  Was it Stens?
-Stens?  Was it Stens?	Maybe.  I don't know.
-Maybe.  I don't know.	Look at a picture for me.
-That's him.  That's him.	You said a neighbor heard a ruckus.  Was it outside, inside?
-What's through here?	No!  Please leave!
-Don't mind the smell.  I think a rat died behind the wall... My Susie was a good girl!	Easy.  Tell me about the ruckus.
-Easy.  Tell me about the ruckus.	I came home that night and there was blood on the floor.  Susan said Stams -- Stens had cut himself.  They were acting nervous.  And that Stens kept going under the house.
-Was it... a rat?	Yeah.  A great big one.
-Where are we going?	It's a surprise.  You like surprises, don't you, White?
-Yeah, that's Stens.	Hell of a way to avoid a prison sentence.
-What happened?	Someone held up a coffee shop, panicked and killed six people.
-One in six.  Where's the girl?	Officer White, put down that weapon and --
-A naked guy with a gun?  You expect anyone to believe that?	Get the fuck away from me.
-How's it going to look on your report?	It'll look like justice.  That's what that fat fuck got.  Justice.
-It'll look like justice.  That's what that fat fuck got.  Justice.	You don't know what the word means, you dumb bastard.
-Why?	Lynn.
-Lynn.	She told you?
-I knew Stensland and Meeks knew each other.  Meeks was with Sue Lefferts on Christmas Eve.  The night I met Lynn.  Lefferts' mother I.D.ed Stensland as Lefferts' boyfriend, but Stens pretended he didn't know either one of them.	Stensland and Meeks.  What were they up to?
-Stensland and Meeks.  What were they up to?	Johnny Stompanato told me when Meeks disappeared, he was trying to move the 18 pounds of heroin that went missing when Deuce Perkins was shot.
-Johnny Stompanato told me when Meeks disappeared, he was trying to move the 18 pounds of heroin that went missing when Deuce Perkins was shot.	Stensland and Buzz Meeks.  Two-man triggers knocking off Mickey Cohen lieutenants.  When they killed Deuce Perkins, they got heroin as a bonus.
-Stensland and Buzz Meeks.  Two-man triggers knocking off Mickey Cohen lieutenants.  When they killed Deuce Perkins, they got heroin as a bonus.	Then something goes wrong.  Meeks gets killed.  Maybe Stens got greedy, killed Meeks and left him under his girlfriend's house.  The night he died, Stens was all mysterious.  Said he had something big going down.
-Then something goes wrong.  Meeks gets killed.  Maybe Stens got greedy, killed Meeks and left him under his girlfriend's house.  The night he died, Stens was all mysterious.  Said he had something big going down.	The Nite Owl!  Stensland was going there to sell the heroin.
-The Nite Owl!  Stensland was going there to sell the heroin.	Somebody got wind of it, killed them all.
-Somebody got wind of it, killed them all.	It wasn't the Negroes.  The Griffith Park report was a phony. And, who says the purple Merc was spotted outside the Nite Owl?
-It wasn't the Negroes.  The Griffith Park report was a phony. And, who says the purple Merc was spotted outside the Nite Owl?	Dudley.
-Dudley.	The first guys to the car when Jack and I got there were Bruening and Carlisle.
-The first guys to the car when Jack and I got there were Bruening and Carlisle.	Dudley's guys.
-Dudley's guys.	They didn't find the shotguns. They planted them.
-They didn't find the shotguns. They planted them.	It all keeps coming back to Dudley.
-It all keeps coming back to Dudley.	It's Dudley for the Nite Owl.
-Pierce Patchett figures in, too. That's the angle Jack was working. Dudley must work for Patchett.	Let's just kill them.
-Let's just kill them.	What?
-What?	For Jack, for Stensland, for anybody else who got in the way. I've been trying to be smart.  A detective.  But killing those two fuckers, that would be justice.
-For Jack, for Stensland, for anybody else who got in the way. I've been trying to be smart.  A detective.  But killing those two fuckers, that would be justice.	Stay smart, Bud.  We build a case. We play by the rules.
-Stay smart, Bud.  We build a case. We play by the rules.	There are no rules!  Why the fuck are you doing this?  The Nite Owl made you.  You want to tear all that down.
-There are no rules!  Why the fuck are you doing this?  The Nite Owl made you.  You want to tear all that down.	With a wrecking ball.  You want to help me swing it?
-Let's go see Pierce Patchett.  Run a good-cop-bad-cop.	Which one are you and which one am I?
-You expecting problems?	Patchett uses a lot of ex-cop muscle.
-It's a suicide note.  Says he killed Jack because Jack had figured out a pornography scam Patchett was running.	He had help getting up there.  Two of his fingers are broken.
-He had help getting up there.  Two of his fingers are broken.	We had one thing figured wrong.  I don't think Dudley workd for Patchett.
-We had one thing figured wrong.  I don't think Dudley workd for Patchett.	At least not anymore.
-At least not anymore.	Patchett's dead.  He sent you after me.  I'd say Dudley's tying up his loose ends.
-Patchett's dead.  He sent you after me.  I'd say Dudley's tying up his loose ends.	Lynn.
-Ellis Loew.	What about him?
-What about him?	Jack thought he was up to his neck in all this.
-Bud...	If I let you go, there'll be ten more lawyers to take your place tomorrow.  They just won't come on the bus, that's all.
-They never made a match on the shotgun serial numbers.  What if Breuning and Carlisle took them from the evidence room?  Couple of cold pieces that had been hanging around a year or two.	We should check the records, and, we should talk to Lynn.
-You wanted to meet here?	Me?  You called it.  I got a message that...
-You figured this was a set-up? And you showed up anyway?	A lot of bad stuff happened here. It's as good a place as any for it to end.
-You know, all I ever wanted was to measure up to my father.	I spent years trying not to live down to mine.
-She's fine.	I'm not asking you.
-Are you Pierce Patchett?	I am.  Are you soliciting for police charities?  The last time, you people called at my office.
-I am.  Are you soliciting for police charities?  The last time, you people called at my office.	I'm a homicide detective.  Where were you last night?
-I'm a homicide detective.  Where were you last night?	I was here, hosting a party.  Who was killed and why do you think I can help?
-I was here, hosting a party.  Who was killed and why do you think I can help?	Richard Stensland.
-Richard Stensland.	I don't know him.  Mr...
-I don't know him.  Mr...	Officer White.  How about Susan Lefferts?  You know her?
-Officer White.  How about Susan Lefferts?  You know her?	You know I do or you wouldn't be here.  How did you find me?
-You know I do or you wouldn't be here.  How did you find me?	We met outside Hollywood Liquors on Christmas Eve.  This is where Lynn Bracken's booze bills go.
-We met outside Hollywood Liquors on Christmas Eve.  This is where Lynn Bracken's booze bills go.	Of course...
-Of course...	Sue Lefferts died at the Nite Owl. I'm investigating.
-Where's the other guy?  Buzz.	He no longer works for me.  Find Susan's killer, Mr. White. I'll give you a handsome reward. Whatever you desire.
-Thanks, but no thanks.	Against your code?
-Against your code?	I don't have one.  Lefferts looked beat-up Christmas Eve, but didn't act it.  How come?
-I don't have one.  Lefferts looked beat-up Christmas Eve, but didn't act it.  How come?	Do you care about criminal matters peripheral to Susan's murder?
-Do you care about criminal matters peripheral to Susan's murder?	No.
-No.	Then you wouldn't feel obligated to report them?
-Then you wouldn't feel obligated to report them?	That's right.
-That's right.	Then listen closely, because I'll only say this once and if it gets repeated, I'll deny it.  I run call girls.  Lynn Bracken is one of them and so was Susan Lefferts. I treat my girls very well.  I have grown daughters, myself, and I don't like the thought of women being hurt.  I sense you share this feeling.
-Then listen closely, because I'll only say this once and if it gets repeated, I'll deny it.  I run call girls.  Lynn Bracken is one of them and so was Susan Lefferts. I treat my girls very well.  I have grown daughters, myself, and I don't like the thought of women being hurt.  I sense you share this feeling.	Why were Lefferts' eyes black?
-Why were Lefferts' eyes black?	I think she'd been hit in the face with a tennis racket.  She is -- was -- a big doubles fan.
-I think she'd been hit in the face with a tennis racket.  She is -- was -- a big doubles fan.	You wanna go downtown and discuss this officially?
-You wanna go downtown and discuss this officially?	Wait.  Our deal still holds?
-I needed a Rita Hayworth to fill out my little studio.	What little studio?
-What little studio?	There's Gardner, Hepburn, Grable, Turner.  Lynn Bracken is my Veronica Lake.  I use girls who look like movie stars.  Sometimes I employ a plastic surgeon.
-There's Gardner, Hepburn, Grable, Turner.  Lynn Bracken is my Veronica Lake.  I use girls who look like movie stars.  Sometimes I employ a plastic surgeon.	That's why her mother couldn't I.D. her... Jesus fucking Christ.
-That's why her mother couldn't I.D. her... Jesus fucking Christ.	No, Mr. White.  Pierce Morehouse Patchett.  Now, I sense you're on your best behavior, but that's all I'll give you.  If you persist, I'll meet you with my attorney. Now, would you like Miss Bracken's address?  I doubt she knows anything, but --
-No, Mr. White.  Pierce Morehouse Patchett.  Now, I sense you're on your best behavior, but that's all I'll give you.  If you persist, I'll meet you with my attorney. Now, would you like Miss Bracken's address?  I doubt she knows anything, but --	I got her address.
-I got her address.	Of course... this is personal with you, isn't it, Mr. White?
-Officer White.  I heard you got a hard-on for wife beaters.	And you fuck people up for a living.  That don't make me you. Capisce, shitbird?
-Wendell White, how's tricks, paesano?	I ain't your paesano, you wop cocksucker.
-What do you want, officer?	You remember an ex-cop named Buzz Meeks?  He works for a guy named Patchett.
-Should I?	His file listed you as a known associate.  Now spill.
-His file listed you as a known associate.  Now spill.	Oh, yeah.  That was a long time ago.  Before your day.  The last few years he's been muscle for hire.  But I heard he's disappeared.
-Oh, yeah.  That was a long time ago.  Before your day.  The last few years he's been muscle for hire.  But I heard he's disappeared.	More.
-More.	More's gonna cost you.
-How 'bout I give you your balls back?	Before Meeks disappeared he was popping off about trying to move eighteen pounds of heroin.
-Before Meeks disappeared he was popping off about trying to move eighteen pounds of heroin.	Bullshit.  Where would a two-bit ex-cop get 18 pounds of heroin?
-Bullshit.  Where would a two-bit ex-cop get 18 pounds of heroin?	Deuce Perkins.  Mickey C's narcotics lieutenant.  The night he got clipped, eighteen pounds of Mickey's heroin went missing.
-Meeks is probably in Rio or someplace like that by now.	He's under a tract house in San Berdoo.  And he don't smell too good.  What happened to the heroin, Johnny?
-He's under a tract house in San Berdoo.  And he don't smell too good.  What happened to the heroin, Johnny?	I don't know.  I swear it!
-Bud White, what brings you down to the basement?	I got a few Nite Owl questions.
-I got a few Nite Owl questions.	I don't know if you read the papers, but that case is closed.
-I don't know if you read the papers, but that case is closed.	I'm tying up loose ends.  Padding my report.  You know how it goes.
-I'm tying up loose ends.  Padding my report.  You know how it goes.	What do you want to know?
-What do you want to know?	Anything off.  Anything that didn't make sense.
-Anything off.  Anything that didn't make sense.	You mean beside the fact that thirty-five out of forty-five rounds were gratuitous?  I can't think of anything.
-Whose shoe?	Susan Lefferts.
-Susan Lefferts.	If she was sitting here, then it's facing the wrong way.  What are these smears in the blood?
-If she was sitting here, then it's facing the wrong way.  What are these smears in the blood?	It looks like she was flailing, trying to get away.
-It looks like she was flailing, trying to get away.	But she's moving away from the door.  Who was sitting at this table?
-But she's moving away from the door.  Who was sitting at this table?	Dick Stensland.  Had to be dumb panic.  If she knew him she would've been sitting with him... Right?
-Cotton balls.  I found them just inside the meat locker door.	Ear plugs.
-Ear plugs.	Exactly.  At least one of those animals had the brains to protect his ears.
-Exactly.  At least one of those animals had the brains to protect his ears.	It doesn't exactly play like dumb panic.
-It doesn't exactly play like dumb panic.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	It's like they knew they were going to kill everyone before they went in...
-It's like they knew they were going to kill everyone before they went in...	Yeah, so...
-Ed, your observations have been astute.  What's your assessment of this situation?	The public demands justice, sir. This was a full-fledged riot of policemen.  Shift the guilt to men whose pensions are secured.  Force them to retire.  But someone has to swing.  Indict, try and convict Stensland and Bud White.  Secure them jail time.  Feed them to the sharks, sir.  Protect yourself; protect the department.
-I want to know who we give the public in contrast?  The department needs role models. Clean-cut, forthright men the public can admire.	I'll testify, sir.  I'm not afraid to do what's right.
-I'll testify, sir.  I'm not afraid to do what's right.	And I'll promote you.  You'll be a lieutenant immediately.
-Ed, you're 30.  Your father didn't make lieutenant until he was 33.	I know that, sir.  I also know that when he made lieutenant, it was as a detective.
-Jack Vincennes.  He's the technical advisor on 'Badge of Honor,' sir.  He lives for it. That's the way to get him.	All right, Ed.  Call Sergeant Vincennes.
-I got the rap sheets on the black guys, sir.  Coates and Jones got charges a mile long.  But except for some kid stuff, Fontaine's clean.	Clean?
-Clean?	More or less.
-More or less.	Until he gunned down six people.
-Anything?	Nothing.
-Nothing.	So on active duty, Meeks didn't make an arrest from 1938 to '43.
-So on active duty, Meeks didn't make an arrest from 1938 to '43.	Someone must've pulled the records.
-Where are the police academy files?	I don't have time.  I have --
-I don't have time.  I have --	Just show me where they are!
-You're twenty-two, aren't you, Ray?	Say what and so what.
-Say what and so what.	Did one of the officers work you over a little?
-You look like Robinson after that last LaMotta fight.  'Course LaMotta looked a lot worse.  So you're twenty-two, right?	Man, why do you keep asking me that?
-Man, why do you keep asking me that?	Just getting my facts straight. Twenty-two makes it a gas chamber bounce. You should have pulled this caper a couple of years ago.  Get life, do a little Youth Authority jolt, transfer to Folsom a big man. Orbit on some of that good prison brew, get yourself a sissy --
-Just getting my facts straight. Twenty-two makes it a gas chamber bounce. You should have pulled this caper a couple of years ago.  Get life, do a little Youth Authority jolt, transfer to Folsom a big man. Orbit on some of that good prison brew, get yourself a sissy --	I never truck with no sissies!
-I never truck with no sissies!	That fucking Larry.  I almost believed him.
-That fucking Larry.  I almost believed him.	Believed what?
-Believed what?	Nothing, Ray.  That Larry, he's a pisser.  You did the Casitas Youth Camp with him, didn't you?
-Nothing, Ray.  That Larry, he's a pisser.  You did the Casitas Youth Camp with him, didn't you?	Man, why're you talkin' about Larry?  His business is his business.
-Ray, you protected Ty and Larry up in Casitas, didn't you?	You ain't woofin' I did.  Stupid down home niggers got no more sense than a fuckin' dog.
-I heard you like to shoot dogs.	Dogs got no reason to live.
-Dogs got no reason to live.	Oh?  you feel that way about people, too?
-Oh?  you feel that way about people, too?	Man, what're you saying?
-Man, what're you saying?	Ray, we got the shotguns.
-Ray, we got the shotguns.	I don't own no shotguns.
-I don't own no shotguns.	Why were you throwing clothes in the building incinerator?
-Why were you throwing clothes in the building incinerator?	Say what?
-Say what?	You guys were arrested this morning, but none of you have last night's clothes.  You were seen burning them.  Add to that the fact that you hid the car you were cruising around in last night and it doesn't look good.
-You guys were arrested this morning, but none of you have last night's clothes.  You were seen burning them.  Add to that the fact that you hid the car you were cruising around in last night and it doesn't look good.	I got nothin' more to say till I see a judge.
-I got nothin' more to say till I see a judge.	Were you on hop?  You were passed out when you got arrested.  Were you hopped up, Ray?
-Were you on hop?  You were passed out when you got arrested.  Were you hopped up, Ray?	Ty and Larry fuck with that shit, not me.
-Ty and Larry fuck with that shit, not me.	Where do they get their stuff? Come on.  Give me one to feed the D.A.  Just a little one.
-What do you mean Deuce Perkins got clipped last night?!	They shot him in his library.
-They shot him in his library.	I don't want a floor plan; I want to know who!  Who's taking the ticket for this, Johnny?
-I don't want a floor plan; I want to know who!  Who's taking the ticket for this, Johnny?	Nobody.  At least not yet.
-Nobody.  At least not yet.	And what about the merchandise Deuce was holding for me?
-And what about the merchandise Deuce was holding for me?	Gone.  Not a trace.
-Gone.  Not a trace.	Some ferstunkener is moving in and we don't know who?!  Maybe we should ask Hedda Hopper!
-This is Mr. Hudgeons, Wendell.	I'm happy to cooperate.  You don't need to tie me down.
-I'm happy to cooperate.  You don't need to tie me down.	It's for your own safety.  Now what can you tell us about Sergeant John Vincennes?
-It's for your own safety.  Now what can you tell us about Sergeant John Vincennes?	Trashcan Jack.  The Big V.  I can tell you he's on the Night Train to the big adios.
-Take it easy!  I didn't have anything to do with him getting killed if that's what you mean.	But you were business associates?
-But you were business associates?	What does that have to do --
-Okay so we worked together.  It was an information exchange.  I got him first class collars and he got me good stories.  We were friends for Chrissakes!	Alright.  We'll drop that line for now.  Next topic.  Please comment on Pierce Patchett.
-Okay.  Okay.  Everyone knows Patchett's worth a boat-load of greenbacks.  From aviation, freeway construction.  But the man has hobbies, too.  He bankrolls B movies under the table and runs movie star look-alike hookers. And try this on:  he's rumored to be a periodic heroin sniffer.  All in all a powerful behind-the- scenes strange-o.	And?
-And?	And what?
-Reciprocity, Mr. Hudgeons, is the key to all relationships.	He runs call girls.  Primo tail. Fixed up like movie stars.
-And?	In my car.  Blackmail shit.  The trunk under the carpet.  Patchett got me to photograph a cop fucking this gorgeous cunt Lynn, looks just like Veronicaaa --
-That was his favorite toast.  I saw the test results on the lieutenant's exam.  You placed first out of twenty-three.	The youngest applicant by eight years.
-The youngest applicant by eight years.	You'll make lieutenant inside a year.  Patrol division?
-You'll make lieutenant inside a year.  Patrol division?	I was thinking Detective Bureau.
-You're wrong.	Am I...?  Would you be willing to plant corroborative evidence on a suspect you knew was guilty in order to ensure an indictment?
-Am I...?  Would you be willing to plant corroborative evidence on a suspect you knew was guilty in order to ensure an indictment?	Dudley, we've been over this.
-Dudley, we've been over this.	Answer yes or no.
-Answer yes or no.	I... No.
-I... No.	Would you be willing to rig crime scene evidence to support a prosecuting attorney's working hypothesis...?  Yes or no, Edmund.
-Would you be willing to rig crime scene evidence to support a prosecuting attorney's working hypothesis...?  Yes or no, Edmund.	No.
-No.	Would you be willing to beat confessions out of suspects you knew to be guilty?
-Would you be willing to beat confessions out of suspects you knew to be guilty?	No.
-No.	Would you be willing to shoot hardened criminals in the back to offset the chance --
-Would you be willing to shoot hardened criminals in the back to offset the chance --	No.
-No.	Then for God's sake, don't be a detective.  Stick to assignments where you won't have to make those choices.  Patrol, Internal Affairs, but not the Bureau.
-Then for God's sake, don't be a detective.  Stick to assignments where you won't have to make those choices.  Patrol, Internal Affairs, but not the Bureau.	I know you mean well, Dudley, but I don't need to do it the way you did.  Or my father.
-I know you mean well, Dudley, but I don't need to do it the way you did.  Or my father.	At least get rid of the glasses. I can't think of one Bureau man who wears them.
-Stensland's a disgrace.  Straight D fitness reports from every C.O. he ever served under.  But White is a valuable officer.	White's a mindless thug.
-White's a mindless thug.	No, Edmund.  He's a man who can answer yes to those questions I ask you from time to time.
-You'll reap the benefits, but are you truly prepared to be despised within the department?	Yes, Dudley.  I am.
-Yes, Dudley.  I am.	So be it.
-You should stay away from a man when his blood is up.	His blood's always up.
-Sir, I took the call.  It's my case.	Edmund, you don't want it and you can't have it.
-Edmund, you don't want it and you can't have it.	Yes, I do, sir.
-Yes, I do, sir.	It's mine.  I'll make you my second in command.
-Why?	We got a call earlier on three Negro youths.  Firing shotguns in Griffith Park from a late-model purple Mercury Coupe.
-We got a call earlier on three Negro youths.  Firing shotguns in Griffith Park from a late-model purple Mercury Coupe.	Get on it.
-Ed, I want confessions.	I'll break them, sir.
-Don't get sidetracked.  Stay with the Nite Owl.	She may still be alive, whoever she is.
-There are loose ends out there, Dudley.  I --	There always are.  But there are also three men and three guns. Matched forensically.  A few loose ends don't matter.
-There always are.  But there are also three men and three guns. Matched forensically.  A few loose ends don't matter.	Something's wrong.  I feel it inside.  Doesn't that sound crazy?
-No... Where'd the tip come from?	Anonymous.  Probably nothing.
-I'm loathe to kill my brother officers, Edmund.	Tell that to Jack Vincennes.  To Stensland.
-Tell that to Jack Vincennes.  To Stensland.	Jack was a shame, but Dick Stensland had the audacity to try to sell me my own heroin.  Through his whore girl friend.  I sent him to make the buy.  The rest is history.
-Jack was a shame, but Dick Stensland had the audacity to try to sell me my own heroin.  Through his whore girl friend.  I sent him to make the buy.  The rest is history.	Why?
-Why?	A vacuum, Edmund.  That's what we have in Los Angeles.  Sending Mickey Cohen up created it.  My containment work maintained it. Certain photographs guarantee it. Organized crime has been held back, but there's still a demand for the services it provides.
-A vacuum, Edmund.  That's what we have in Los Angeles.  Sending Mickey Cohen up created it.  My containment work maintained it. Certain photographs guarantee it. Organized crime has been held back, but there's still a demand for the services it provides.	And now you'll provide them.
-And now you'll provide them.	Absolutely.  Prostitution and gambling are victimless crimes. The heroin we'll run down to the coloreds.  Anesthetize them.  As long as it's not a middle class problem, no one will care.  It's still a crime free city... for respectable people.
-No.	Why not, lad?  Absolute justice?
-Why not, lad?  Absolute justice?	Something like that.
-Something like that.	Really?  Would you be willing to rig crime scene evidence to support a prosecuting attorney's working hypothesis?
-John, I doubt you've ever drawn a stupid breath.  Don't start now.	Okay.  I'll do it.
-You think golden boy can handle it, Cap?	I think you'll be surprised what Edmund's capable of.
-John Vincennes.  It's three A.M., lad.	Two minutes, Dudley.  It's important.
-Two minutes, Dudley.  It's important.	Lucky for you that my wife and four fair daughters are at the beach in Santa Barbara.
-You remember Buzz Meeks, Dudley?	A disgrace as a policeman. Straight D fitness reports from every C.O. he ever served under. What about him?
-A disgrace as a policeman. Straight D fitness reports from every C.O. he ever served under. What about him?	Twelve years ago he worked a vice roust with Dick Stensland.  They arrested a Pierce Patchett on an extortion scam.  Guy ran hookers. He'd have them photographed with their johns, then double-dip for some blackmail.  Charges got dropped.  Insufficient evidence. You were supervising officer on the case and I was wondering if you remember anything about it.
-Twelve years ago he worked a vice roust with Dick Stensland.  They arrested a Pierce Patchett on an extortion scam.  Guy ran hookers. He'd have them photographed with their johns, then double-dip for some blackmail.  Charges got dropped.  Insufficient evidence. You were supervising officer on the case and I was wondering if you remember anything about it.	What's this all about, lad?
-What's this all about, lad?	Part of it has to do with a murder.  I've been working with Ed Exley on it.
-Part of it has to do with a murder.  I've been working with Ed Exley on it.	You're Narco, lad, not Homicide. And since when do you work with Edmund?
-You're Narco, lad, not Homicide. And since when do you work with Edmund?	It's a private investigation.  I fucked something up and I want to make amends.
-It's a private investigation.  I fucked something up and I want to make amends.	Don't start trying to do the right thing, John.  You haven't had enough practice.
-Have you discussed this with anyone else, John?	No.
-No.	Not even with Exley?
-You're the key witness?	That's right.
-That's right.	I should've known.  What's the Chief throwing you?
-I should've known.  What's the Chief throwing you?	Throwing me?
-Throwing me?	Yeah, Exley.  What's the payoff?
-Yeah, Exley.  What's the payoff?	You're the payoff expert.  I'm just doing my duty.
-You're the payoff expert.  I'm just doing my duty.	You're playing an angle, college boy.  You're getting something out of this so you don't have to hobnob with the fucking rank and file cops who'll hate your guts for snitching.  If they're making you a detective, watch out.  Some Bureau guys are gonna burn in this and you're gonna have to work with friends of theirs.
-You're playing an angle, college boy.  You're getting something out of this so you don't have to hobnob with the fucking rank and file cops who'll hate your guts for snitching.  If they're making you a detective, watch out.  Some Bureau guys are gonna burn in this and you're gonna have to work with friends of theirs.	What about you?
-What about you?	I'm snitching three old timers who'll be fishing in Oregon next week.  Next to you I'm clean.  And smart.
-L.A.P.D.	Shit.  Someone beat us here.
-Damnit...	What?
-What?	Glasses.
-Glasses.	Just don't shoot me.
-I need to speak to you.	Give me a minute, will ya?
-Damnit... What?	I want you to follow Bud White.
-I want you to follow Bud White.	Even I'm not that crazy.
-Even I'm not that crazy.	It's not a request.  I need to know what White knows.  Follow him or I'll have you pulled off 'Badge of Honor.'  Permanently.
-It's not a request.  I need to know what White knows.  Follow him or I'll have you pulled off 'Badge of Honor.'  Permanently.	Yesterday that might've meant something.  Pull me off.  You'd be doing me a big favor.
-Yesterday that might've meant something.  Pull me off.  You'd be doing me a big favor.	Yesterday yes, today no.  What happened last night?
-Yesterday yes, today no.  What happened last night?	Transfer me, suspend me.  Just leave me alone.
-Transfer me, suspend me.  Just leave me alone.	You make a mistake?
-You make a mistake?	Yeah.  My whole life.
-Listen, I think I made a mistake, too.	I ain't a priest, Lieutenant.  I can't hear your confession.
-I ain't a priest, Lieutenant.  I can't hear your confession.	Do you make the three Negroes for the Nite Owl killings?
-Do you make the three Negroes for the Nite Owl killings?	What?
-What?	It's a simple question.
-It's a simple question.	You should be the last person who wants to dig any deeper into the Nite Owl, Lieutenant.
-Is there more to that, or do I have to guess?	Rollo was a purse snatcher.  My father ran into him off duty.  He shot my father six times and got away clean.  No one even knew who he was.  I made the name up to give him some personality.
-Rollo was a purse snatcher.  My father ran into him off duty.  He shot my father six times and got away clean.  No one even knew who he was.  I made the name up to give him some personality.	So what's the point?
-So what's the point?	Rollo's the reason I became a cop. I wanted to catch the guys who thought they could get away with it.  It was supposed to be about truth and justice and Rollo.  But somewhere along the way I forgot all that... How about you, Jack? Why'd you become a cop?
-I'm trying to figure what angle you're playing this time, but I sure as hell can't see one.	I've given up angles for awhile. I just want to solve this thing.
-I've given up angles for awhile. I just want to solve this thing.	The Nite Owl was solved, Lieutenant.
-The Nite Owl was solved, Lieutenant.	I want to do it right.
-Okay, college boy, I'll help you. But I want half the collar.	A third.  I don't think we can make a case without Bud White.
-What's that for?	Bud White.  He sees us and we're dead.
-Jesus... Maybe White's not so dumb after all.	Rita Hayworth at the morgue and now Veronica Lake with White. What the hell's going on?
-Rita Hayworth at the morgue and now Veronica Lake with White. What the hell's going on?	Movie star hookers.  Whatever you desire... It's Fleur-fr-Lis again.
-Movie star hookers.  Whatever you desire... It's Fleur-fr-Lis again.	What's Fleur-de-Lis?
-What's Fleur-de-Lis?	High line whores.  With plastic surgery to look like movie stars. And who knows what else?  It's run by this guy Pierce Patchett.  You want to talk to him?
-High line whores.  With plastic surgery to look like movie stars. And who knows what else?  It's run by this guy Pierce Patchett.  You want to talk to him?	Yeah.  But first I want to brace Stompanato.
-She is Lana Turner.	What?
-What?	She is Lana Turner.
-What are you going to do?	I'm going to Lynn Bracken's.  I'll meet you at the Dining Car.
-I'm going to Lynn Bracken's.  I'll meet you at the Dining Car.	Great.  You get the girl, I get the coroner.
-What's on the call sheet?	A guy dressed as Santa has been exposing himself to kids in Los Feliz.  Apparently, sir, he's decorated himself.
-A guy dressed as Santa has been exposing himself to kids in Los Feliz.  Apparently, sir, he's decorated himself.	Decorated?
-Decorated?	With tinsel and plastic icicles and... on his penis, sir.
-With tinsel and plastic icicles and... on his penis, sir.	I get the idea.  You got a description?
-I get the idea.  You got a description?	Of his penis, sir?
-We got a total of forty-five spent 12-gauge Remington shotgun shells. Three men with five-shot-capacity pumps.  All of them reloading twice.	Hold on... We need to canvass. See if a purple Mercury was seen around here tonight.
-The Nite Owl.  Anything bothering you about the case?	Yeah.  The fact that you guys won't let it get filed away.
-Yeah.  The fact that you guys won't let it get filed away.	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	Bud White grilled me on it this morning.  You know, he's not as dumb as I thought.
-We got a dead ex-cop and a girl who looks like Rita Hayworth at the Nite Owl.  Another dead ex-cop under the house of Rita's mother. It's not a good week for ex-cops.	I got Vincennes in the next room. It's not a good week for cops in general.
-I'll tell you what I told Officer White when he asked me about Susan's death.	Bud White's been here?
-Bud White's been here?	For the last time.  I may suborn women into illicit activities, but they're handsomely compensated, I treat them well and make sure the men they deal with show them every due respect.
-For the last time.  I may suborn women into illicit activities, but they're handsomely compensated, I treat them well and make sure the men they deal with show them every due respect.	Is the Veronica Lake look-alike one of your whores?
-Is the Veronica Lake look-alike one of your whores?	A vulgar term, but yes.
-A vulgar term, but yes.	What's her name?
-What's her name?	Lynn Bracken.
-Lynn Bracken.	Why's she seeing Bud White?
-Why's she seeing Bud White?	Why do men and women usually see each other?
-Why do men and women usually see each other?	Anything else you want to add before I talk to her?
-Anything else you want to add before I talk to her?	No.
-No.	Not good enough.
-Not good enough.	Then try talking to my lawyer. Good evening, gentlemen.
-Miss Bracken, I'm Lieutenant Exley.	I know who you are.  You're the policeman Bud told me about.
-I know who you are.  You're the policeman Bud told me about.	Really?  What did White say?
-Really?  What did White say?	He said you were smart.  He also said you were competing with your dead father.  How did he put it? Trying to measure up to a ghost.
-Let's concentrate on my smarts. Pierce Patchett made you, didn't he?  He taught you how to dress and talk and think and I am very impressed with the results.  But I need some answers and if I don't get them, I'm going to take you and Patchett down.	He can take care of himself and I'm not afraid of you.  And you forgot one thing, Lieutenant. Pierce also taught me how to fuck... Can I get you a drink?
-I'm curious about you.	Why?
-It galls you that I know so much about you.  You don't have information to compete.	Don't underestimate me, Miss Bracken.
-Don't underestimate me, Miss Bracken.	The way you've underestimated Bud White?
-How was I?	Oh, the best I ever had. Absolutely the best.
-Oh, the best I ever had. Absolutely the best.	You sound like you mean it.
-You sound like you mean it.	The silver screen's loss is your gain.
-The silver screen's loss is your gain.	How about White?
-How about White?	You want to know what Bud's like in bed?
-I want to know why you see him. Is it a Patchett payoff?	I see Bud because I want to.  I see Bud because he can't hide the warmth he has inside him.
-I see Bud because I want to.  I see Bud because he can't hide the warmth he has inside him.	I'll take your word for it.
-I'll take your word for it.	I see Bud because he makes me feel like Lynn Bracken and not some Veronica Lake look-alike who fucks for money.  I see him because he doesn't know how to disguise who he is.  There's more if you want to hear it.
-Does all that make it harder for you to hate him or easier?	I don't hate White.  I really don't.  It's just, in my business, it's the wild cars you have to watch out for.
-I don't hate White.  I really don't.  It's just, in my business, it's the wild cars you have to watch out for.	You don't like that you don't know how to play him.  He doesn't follow the same rules of politics you do.  That makes him dangerous.
-You don't like that you don't know how to play him.  He doesn't follow the same rules of politics you do.  That makes him dangerous.	You cut to the heart of things, don't you?  What about Lynn Bracken?  She going to be a hooker all her life?
-You cut to the heart of things, don't you?  What about Lynn Bracken?  She going to be a hooker all her life?	I came out here with a dream. That's gone, but I settled for reality.
-I came out here with a dream. That's gone, but I settled for reality.	Some reality.
-Some reality.	No.  This is the means to the reality.  But I'm not going to tell you what it is.
-No.  This is the means to the reality.  But I'm not going to tell you what it is.	Why not?
-Why not?	Because you'll use it against me. Won't you?
-You're tougher than Bud thinks you are.	You're the first person to ever call me tough.
-You're the first person to ever call me tough.	Like recognizes like.  I'm pretty tough, myself.
-Like recognizes like.  I'm pretty tough, myself.	You, me and White, huh?
-You, me and White, huh?	Actually, Bud's only tough on the outside.
-If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake.	Forget everything else for a second, Lynn.  Is there anything you can give me on Dudley Smith?
-A police captain.  I think he's behind all of this.	I work for Patchett.  I had a feeling that there was someone else, but I never knew who.
-I work for Patchett.  I had a feeling that there was someone else, but I never knew who.	Okay.  Look, if it helps, Bud hates himself for what he did.
-Okay.  Look, if it helps, Bud hates himself for what he did.	I know how he feels.
-Where will you go?	Bisbee, Arizona.  The air's good for pensioners and I know where everything is.
-Bisbee, Arizona.  The air's good for pensioners and I know where everything is.	When?
-When?	Right now, before I back down.
-Right now, before I back down.	Where is he?
-Do you think I ever could've been in the running?	Some men get the world.  Others get ex-hookers and a trip to Arizona.
-It's okay.  These are police.  What do you want?	I want D.A. bureau men to tail Dudley Smith twenty-four hours a day; I want you to get a judge to authorize a wire tap on his home phone; I want authorization to check his bank records and I want it all in an hour.
-I want D.A. bureau men to tail Dudley Smith twenty-four hours a day; I want you to get a judge to authorize a wire tap on his home phone; I want authorization to check his bank records and I want it all in an hour.	On what evidence?
-On what evidence?	None.  Call it a hunch.
-None.  Call it a hunch.	Absolutely not.  Dudley Smith is a highly decorated member of this city's police department and I won't smear his name without --
-Absolutely not.  Dudley Smith is a highly decorated member of this city's police department and I won't smear his name without --	Without what, his smearing yours first?  What's he got on you, Loew?  Pictures of you and an out of work actor with your pants down?
-Without what, his smearing yours first?  What's he got on you, Loew?  Pictures of you and an out of work actor with your pants down?	Do you have any proof?
-Do you have any proof?	The proof had his throat slit.  So far you're not denying it.
-The proof had his throat slit.  So far you're not denying it.	I'm not going to dignify youwith answers.  If you'll excuse me, I've got a Jack Vincennes press conference to prepare for.
-Okay!  You're right!  Dudley's got photos of me and Reynolds.	What's Dudley's scheme?
-It seems like my Susan, but...	When was the last time you saw her, Mrs. Lefferts?
-When was the last time you saw her, Mrs. Lefferts?	At Christmas.  We had fought.  I didn't like her boyfriend.  I -- she has a birthmark on her hip.
-Let my Susie rest in peace!	Mrs. Lefferts, I just want to ask a few questions.
-Mrs. Lefferts, I just want to ask a few questions.	That other policeman already checked under the house and found not a thing amiss.
-That other policeman already checked under the house and found not a thing amiss.	Officer White?
-Officer White?	A sweet man.
-A sweet man.	Under the house.
-Under the house.	All he found were rodents.  No signs of foul play.  So there.
-My daughter was a virgin!	I don't doubt it -- Oh, God.
-Big V Jack Vincennes!  May I have this dance?	Karen, this is Sid Hudgeons from Hush-Hush magazine.
-We did a piece last year. 'Ingenue Dykes In Hollywood.'  Her name got mentioned.	Is she?
-Is she?	Beats me.  Look, Jackie-Boy, a friend of mine just sold some reefer to Matt Reynolds.  He's tripping the light fantastic with Tammy Jordan at 2245 Maravilla, Hollywood Hills.  It's right around the corner.
-Beats me.  Look, Jackie-Boy, a friend of mine just sold some reefer to Matt Reynolds.  He's tripping the light fantastic with Tammy Jordan at 2245 Maravilla, Hollywood Hills.  It's right around the corner.	You lost me, Sid.  Who?
-You lost me, Sid.  Who?	Contract players at Metro.  You pinch 'em.  I do you up feature in the next issue.  Plus the usual fifty cash.  Tell me, am I fucking Santa Claus?
-Contract players at Metro.  You pinch 'em.  I do you up feature in the next issue.  Plus the usual fifty cash.  Tell me, am I fucking Santa Claus?	I need an extra fifty.  Two patrolmen at twenty apiece and a dime for the watch commander at Hollywood Station.
-I need an extra fifty.  Two patrolmen at twenty apiece and a dime for the watch commander at Hollywood Station.	Jack!  It's Christmas!
-Jack!  It's Christmas!	No.  It's felony possession of marijuana.
-They're sitting in the dark, goofing on the Christmas tree.	Stand there with your camera. I'll stop here so you get Grauman's Chinese in the backgrouns.
-Stand there with your camera. I'll stop here so you get Grauman's Chinese in the backgrouns.	I like it!  I like it!
-It's Christmas morning in the City of Angels, and while decent citizens sleep the sleep of the righteous, hopheads prowl for marijuana, not knowing that a man is coming to stop them.  The free- wheeling, big-time Big V, celebrity crime-stopper, Jack Vincennes, the scourge of grasshoppers and junk fiends everywhere.  You like it, Jackie- Boy?	Yeah, it's subtle.
-Hush-Hush.  Off the record and on the Q.T.	Sid, it's Vincennes.
-Sid, it's Vincennes.	Jackie, are you back on Narco?  I need copy.
-No.  But I've got something going with Ad Vice.	Something good?
-Something good?	Don't know.  I'm chasing picture books.  Fuck shots, but the posers don't look like junkies.  It's well done stuff.  I thought you might have heard something.
-Not a word.	What about Fleur-de-Lis?  Their slogan's 'Whatever you desire.'
-What about Fleur-de-Lis?  Their slogan's 'Whatever you desire.'	No.  No, I've heard bupkis.  Jack, I'll talk to you later.  Call me when you get something I can use. Smut's from hunger.  For sad sacks who can't get their ashes hauled
-You're back, boychick.	Sid, how are they hanging?
-Sid, how are they hanging?	Down around my ankles.
-The Grauman's Chinese pot bust. He just got off the honor farm.	What's he doing here, Sid?
-What's he doing here, Sid?	You tight with the D.A., trash?
-You tight with the D.A., trash?	Sure, he just tried to throw me off the force last Christmas as a little joke.
-Sure, he just tried to throw me off the force last Christmas as a little joke.	How'd you like a little payback? Not to mention a donation to the widows and orphans fund.  Did you know Loew was a swish?
-How'd you like a little payback? Not to mention a donation to the widows and orphans fund.  Did you know Loew was a swish?	And Reynolds?
-And Reynolds?	He's queer too.  Metro paid him two grand a week to fake it with ingenues.  On screen and off.  I'm getting him to fuck the D.A. for a hundred bucks.  That's twice the fifty you got for wrecking his career.
-Sid, why would a guy like Pierce Patchett get involved with running dope and hookers?	Where'd you hear that?
-Where'd you hear that?	Around.
-Around.	Jackie, all I know is what you know.  The man is very rich.  And he's invested in freeway construction so he's gonna get a lot richer.  But that's it. Patchett's what I like to call 'Twilight.'  He ain't queer, he ain't Red, he can't help me in my quest for prime sinuendo.
-Jackie!  You got some good scoop for the Sidster?	Sid, cut the crap.  I --
-Sid, cut the crap.  I --	Give me some Narco skinny.  I want to put out an all hop-head issue. Shvartze jazz musicians and movie stars.  Maybe tie it into the Rosenbergs.  You like?
-Shut up!	What's wrong, Trash?
-What's wrong, Trash?	What happened with the kid and Loew?
-What happened with the kid and Loew?	You didn't get my message?  It got called off.  The kid chickened out at the last minute.
-You didn't get my message?  It got called off.  The kid chickened out at the last minute.	He's dead.  I was just there. Somebody slit his throat.
-He's dead.  I was just there. Somebody slit his throat.	Jesus.  Jack, that's a story. 'Swish Actor Gets The Gay Blade.' Let me get my camera.
-Loew didn't go with him.  You're sure?	I put Reynolds in the cab myself. The night cost me a hundred scoots and I got bupkis.
-Pacific Coast Bell.	This is Sgt. Vincennes. Requesting a name and address on a phone number.  Hollywood zero-one- two-three-nine.
-This is Sgt. Vincennes. Requesting a name and address on a phone number.  Hollywood zero-one- two-three-nine.	Please hold the line... No such number is assigned.
-Please hold the line... No such number is assigned.	I just called it.
-I just called it.	No, Sergeant.  I checked twice.
-No, Sergeant.  I checked twice.	A bootleg...
-Yeah.  Sergeant Jack Vincennes requesting.  I need the home address on a Pierce Patchett.	Please hold, Sergeant...
-Have we met before?	Yeah.
-Was it a party?	Something like that.
-Something like that.	Oh, I know.  A Fleur-de-Lis party, right?
-Fleaur-de-Lis.  'Whatever you desire.'	Dope, liquor, hookers that look like movie stars.  Pierce Patchett has it all.
-Yeah.  Me and Patchett go way back.	Pierce isn't like regular people. I dig him, but he scares me too.
-Pierce isn't like regular people. I dig him, but he scares me too.	Really?  How?
-Really?  How?	You know, when I came out to L.A., this isn't exactly where I saw myself ending up.
-You know, when I came out to L.A., this isn't exactly where I saw myself ending up.	Yeah.  Me neither.
-I'm pretty sure I can get you a part on the show... But tonight? Pretend it's an acting job, kid. Showbiz.	And no one'll know about this?
-And no one'll know about this?	It'll be our secret.
-It'll be our secret.	Showbiz.
-Gee.  The Great Jerk-Off Book Caper of 1953.	Vincennes, is there someplace you'd rather be?
-Vincennes, is there someplace you'd rather be?	Yeah, Cap.  Back in Narcotics.
-Yeah, Cap.  Back in Narcotics.	Oh?  Anyplace else?
-Oh?  Anyplace else?	Working whores with squad two.
-Working whores with squad two.	Maybe you should have thought of that before you made Bloody Christmas page one.
-Brill?	Brill's dead. He died of small pox when he was two and he was buried in a Kansas field.  My name doesn't matter.
-What happened?	It started with the information you gave me on DePinto. After we talked, he agreed to resign. Next, a phony detective asked me about Daniel Zavitz. Then an investigator questioned me about an extortion scheme they claimed Zavitz was behind. The FBI started looking into mob connections. A doctored picture in the paper. Overnight, I'm ruined. Wife. job, bank accounts, everything gone.
-DePinto's dead.	Oh Jesus.
-Oh Jesus.	They found him yesterday folded neatly in a car trunk. What about Zavitz?
-I don't know anything about Zavitz.	You said he was behind an extortion scheme.
-You said he was behind an extortion scheme.	They said he was behind an extortion scheme.
-And you were the last one to talk to him.	Yes.
-Yes.	What'd he say to you?
-What'd he say to you?	Nothing.
-Nothing.	What'd he give to you?
-What'd he give to you?	Nothing.
-Nothing.	Don't bullshit me, I can save your life.
-Don't bullshit me, I can save your life.	I'm telling you, I--
-I just gave him my card.	He didn't give you an address? He didn't give you a phone number?
-He didn't give you an address? He didn't give you a phone number?	Nothing. Two nights later I was robbed. I'm pretty sure they were pros.
-Um...who's that?	Don't know. Did you check everywhere? Maybe it was hidden in something. Maybe there was someone else--
-Don't know. Did you check everywhere? Maybe it was hidden in something. Maybe there was someone else--	Someone else?
-Someone else?	Maybe you bumped into someone who took it and you didn't even know.
-209 to anyone! I need some help here!	Who are you calling?!
-It's actually DH-1 Digitech Pinpoint scanning with a frequency modulator.	I don't know what that means.
-I don't know what that means.	Me neither, but the upshot is I've got color live-action footage of you and Ms Hawkins and it doesn't look good.
-Me neither, but the upshot is I've got color live-action footage of you and Ms Hawkins and it doesn't look good.	So...how much money do you want in exchange for not ruining my life?
-So...how much money do you want in exchange for not ruining my life?	I don't want any money. And believe me, I have no interest in ruining your life. I'm not interested in this tape.
-I don't want any money. And believe me, I have no interest in ruining your life. I'm not interested in this tape.	You're not.
-Zavitz, what? You want your old job back?	Listen to me--
-Listen to me--	Tired of chasing squirrels around the park?
-Tired of chasing squirrels around the park?	Listen--
-Listen--	Lemme ask you something. I put a bird feeder out in the yard, but the squirrels, they keep taking--
-Lemme ask you something. I put a bird feeder out in the yard, but the squirrels, they keep taking--	Turn on CNN.
-Turn on CNN.	They keep taking the bird seed. I thought since you're the expert on--
-They keep taking the bird seed. I thought since you're the expert on--	Goddammit, shut the fuck up and turn on CNN!
-Goddammit, shut the fuck up and turn on CNN!	Alright, I made a joke about squirrels, don't get so--
-Alright, I made a joke about squirrels, don't get so--	Do it!
-You've got it on tape?	Clear as day.
-Clear as day.	Who else have you told?
-No one. But I'm a little nervous.	When can you get it here?
-When can you get it here?	I'm doing a transfer now.
-I'm doing a transfer now.	Come straight here. Don't talk to anyone.
-Come straight here. Don't talk to anyone.	I'll come straight there.
-I'll come straight there.	Be careful, Danny.
-We've also been informed that the Grand Jury is going to call for an investigation into your affairs.	Why?
-Why?	They want to hold you in Contempt for ethics violations.
-It is?	Except for the part about my setting up a company in Zurich and knowing anyone named Sam Vollotti and having any relationship whatsoever with the Gambino family.
-Tell us about Rachel Banks.	Rachel Banks?
-What kind of a question is that?	A direct one.
-A direct one.	I have a professional relationship with Rachel Banks. She's the go- between for a private investigator I use.
-Why don't you just call Brill directly.	I don't know who he is.
-I don't know who he is.	I'm told you had an affair with Rachel Banks four years ago.
-I'm told you had an affair with Rachel Banks four years ago.	Told by whom?
-Told by whom?	Considering the enormous exposure to which you've subjected this firm, I'd think you'd do best to simply answer my questions.
-Considering the enormous exposure to which you've subjected this firm, I'd think you'd do best to simply answer my questions.	Really?
-Really?	Yes.
-Yes.	Well considering what a colossal douche bag you are, David, maybe I'd do best to simply kick your ass all over the capitol.
-You knew the deal. No contact.	Who was that other guy?
-Who was that other guy?	One of many people who would live a word with you.
-One of many people who would live a word with you.	Who are they?
-Who are they?	You've heard of the National Security Agency?
-You've heard of the National Security Agency?	What do they have to do with this?
-What do they have to do with this?	That's who they are.
-That's who they are.	The NSA?
-The NSA?	Yes.
-Yes.	You're crazy.
-You're crazy.	Okay.
-Okay.	Wait.
-Wait.	You drive a black BMW, license plate SRK1339?
-You drive a black BMW, license plate SRK1339?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	I clipped this from your wheel well just before they towed your car away.
-What is that?	It's a SAT-tracker.
-It's a SAT-tracker.	I don't know what that means.
-I don't know what that means.	Like a LowJack, but two generations ahead of what the police use. It pulses at 230 Giga-Hertz.
-Like a LowJack, but two generations ahead of what the police use. It pulses at 230 Giga-Hertz.	I don't know what that means.
-I don't know what that means.	230 Giga-Hertz. They use that band for the Aquacade Spy-SAT uplinks.
-230 Giga-Hertz. They use that band for the Aquacade Spy-SAT uplinks.	I don't know what that means.
-I don't know what that means.	It means the NSA can read the time off your wristwatch.
-It means the NSA can read the time off your wristwatch.	Why are they after me?
-Why are they after me?	If I knew, they'd be after me. Which they probably are right now. 'Bye.
-If I knew, they'd be after me. Which they probably are right now. 'Bye.	Wait. What do I do?
-Wait. What do I do?	Pal, you're cooked. It's over. What you did, who you were...that's done. I'd find a quiet job somewhere shoveling snow.
-Why don't they just identify themselves and tell me what they want?	They're spooks.
-They're spooks.	I don't know what that--
-I don't know what that--	Exposure. They can't have it. They wanna learn what you know and then deal with it.
-Exposure. They can't have it. They wanna learn what you know and then deal with it.	I don't know anything.
-I don't know anything.	No shit.
-No shit.	What am I gonna do?! I mean, like, for the rest of my life?!
-What am I gonna do?! I mean, like, for the rest of my life?!	Hey, if you live another week I'll be impressed.
-Hey, if you live another week I'll be impressed.	What if--
-What if--	Look, you gave me some work over the last year. We'll call it even.
-What if I find out what they're after. You know these people, I don't.	And you won't. Now move--
-And you won't. Now move--	I'll pay you.
-I'll pay you.	They froze your accounts. Get outa my way.
-How many years have you been hiding from them? How many years have you been running?  What'd they do to you?	If you find something, chalk the Baltimore Sheraton mailbox and go to Temperanceville. It's South of Salisbury.  And take this.
-Get dressed. We're leaving.	You could knock on the door, you know, and I'd open it.
-You could knock on the door, you know, and I'd open it.	Move it.
-I taped it off the 11 o'clock news.	And you were worried about me. That's nice, I appreciate--
-And you were worried about me. That's nice, I appreciate--	I was worried about my hundred and twenty 'K'.
-I was worried about my hundred and twenty 'K'.	We said a hundred.
-We said a hundred.	The price rises with the temperature and right now you're smokin'. But you're right, you should shop around and get the best price. I'll just let you out here.
-The price rises with the temperature and right now you're smokin'. But you're right, you should shop around and get the best price. I'll just let you out here.	One-twenty.
-Did you call anyone?	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	I mean did you call anyone.
-I mean did you call anyone.	Look, my wife is understandably--
-Look, my wife is understandably--	Jesus!
-Jesus!	I called my wife!
-I called my wife!	What'd I tell you?
-What'd I tell you?	I didn't use my name.
-I didn't use my name.	What'd I tell you?
-What'd I tell you?	I called from a payphone!
-I called from a payphone!	What'd I tell you?
-What'd I tell you?	You told me no calls.
-You told me no calls.	I told you no calls.
-Sorry.	You don't get it. They go through your phone records. They fuckin' monitor everyone you called in the last--
-You don't get it. They go through your phone records. They fuckin' monitor everyone you called in the last--	I didn't use my name.
-I didn't use my name.	Oh, I'll bet that threw 'em off the scent. I sure hope you covered the mouthpiece with a handkerchief and used a funny voice!
-The NSA's been in bed with the entire tele-communications industry since the 40's. They've infected everything: Banks, computers, phones, mail, name it.  The more technology we buy into, the easier it is keeping tabs on us. It's a brave new world.  At least it better be.	How do you know so much?
-How do you know so much?	None of your business.
-None of your business.	You used to work for 'em, didn't you?
-You used to work for 'em, didn't you?	I was a traffic analyst.
-I intercepted phone calls.	How'd you get around the tap orders?
-How'd you get around the tap orders?	They can tap anything as along as it's an airwave intercept. Cellulars and pagers your kid can do.  Hard-line calls we'd pick off the relays as they were being fed into ground cables or fired up to the SATs. We'd suck in everything. All foreign, most domestic.  Domestic was my group. Druggies, radicals, loud-mouths. Anyone we wanted.
-They can tap anything as along as it's an airwave intercept. Cellulars and pagers your kid can do.  Hard-line calls we'd pick off the relays as they were being fed into ground cables or fired up to the SATs. We'd suck in everything. All foreign, most domestic.  Domestic was my group. Druggies, radicals, loud-mouths. Anyone we wanted.	How'd you have the manpower to--
-How'd you have the manpower to--	"Meade has 18 underground acres of computers. They scan every phonecall for target words like ""bomb"" or ""President"". We red-flag phone numbers or voice prints...whatever we wanted. When the computers found something, it was bounced to comparative analysis."
-"Meade has 18 underground acres of computers. They scan every phonecall for target words like ""bomb"" or ""President"". We red-flag phone numbers or voice prints...whatever we wanted. When the computers found something, it was bounced to comparative analysis."	Jesus.
-Jesus.	That was twenty years ago. With digital? They can suck a salt grain off a beach.
-That was twenty years ago. With digital? They can suck a salt grain off a beach.	Why'd you leave?
-Why'd you leave?	It was '72. I figured we had enough problems without monitoring a Berkeley kid's class schedule. So I sold my story to Ramparts and split.
-It was '72. I figured we had enough problems without monitoring a Berkeley kid's class schedule. So I sold my story to Ramparts and split.	They come after you?
-They come after you?	Well...there'd be too much disclosure to prosecute me. So they ruined my records and made sure I'd never hold a real job again.
-What do you think?	Looks like Detroit.
-Looks like Detroit.	Welcome to Santa's Workshop.
-That is one ugly sunrise.	It really is.  Did you find anything?
-It really is.  Did you find anything?	Yeah.  Take a walk with me.
-Remember when Senator Hamersley died in an accident up near Shenandoah?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	The NSA killed him.
-The NSA killed him.	Jesus. Do you have proof?
-Jesus. Do you have proof?	Well, actually, you have proof. Could you walk a little faster please.
-Well, actually, you have proof. Could you walk a little faster please.	What's going on?
-What's going on?	They're here.
-They're here.	Who?
-Who?	Them.
-Them.	Where?
-Where?	Here?
-Here?	Here?!
-Here?!	In the warehouse. They're hiding in a duct on the third floor. When we go back inside, they're gonna kill us. When they notice that we're moving toward the car, they'll come running out of the building.
-In the warehouse. They're hiding in a duct on the third floor. When we go back inside, they're gonna kill us. When they notice that we're moving toward the car, they'll come running out of the building.	'Kay, well, could you walk faster, please.
-Empty 'em 'till they're almost flat. And turn your head. There might be some debris flying your way.	Why?
-What the fuck?!	They shouldn't have come without calling first.
-Gimme that.	You sure?
-You sure?	You're driving.
-You're driving.	Those are Feds.
-Those are Feds.	I didn't see a warrant. Did you see a warrant?
-Think we let out enough air?	Oh my God...
-We lost 'em.	That wasn't so hard.
-That wasn't so hard.	Fuckin-A.
-Fuckin-A.	Let's not do the tire thing anymore, okay?
-Let's not do the tire thing anymore, okay?	Yeah, I can see where that'd--
-These guys are incredibly persistent.	Tell me about it.
-Drive.	We're not gonna hurt you.
-We're not gonna hurt you.	Drive.
-Drive.	Tell him we're not gonna hurt him.
-Tell him we're not gonna hurt him.	Drive or I'll blow your fuckin' head off.
-Drive or I'll blow your fuckin' head off.	No he won't.
-No he won't.	Goddammit--
-Goddammit--	We're honest people and we need your help. I'll give you two- hundred dollars if you--
-"Listen to you, ""directly"". You're not gonna get near the News Department. And if you did, it'd never get on the air. Time-Life buried the Zapruder film for 15 years."	What about newspapers and magazines?
-What about newspapers and magazines?	Same thing?
-Same thing?	So what do we do now?
-So what do we do now?	I was thinkin' about asking for my hundred and fifty grand and calling it quits.
-I was thinkin' about asking for my hundred and fifty grand and calling it quits.	What if we do a mailing to Congressmen.
-What if we do a mailing to Congressmen.	"It'd never get through. All packages are screened, x-rayed and then hand-searched for explosives. You didn't like my ""give-me-my- money"" idea?"
-What if we hand deliver to their homes or office?	The area's wired for surveillance, they'll be looking for those moves.
-The area's wired for surveillance, they'll be looking for those moves.	Well how do I know what they're--
-Well how do I know what they're--	I know. I know what they're looking for and I'm telling you.
-What if we transmitted it over cellular?	Listen--
-Listen--	Nah, they'd shut down the pin number.
-Nah, they'd shut down the pin number.	What if--
-What if--	If they couldn't do that, they'd shut down the whole system, all the relays.
-If they couldn't do that, they'd shut down the whole system, all the relays.	What if--
-What if--	They've done it before. Takes maybe two minutes.
-They've done it before. Takes maybe two minutes.	What if--
-What if--	What if what?
-What if what?	What if we just fucked with 'em?
-What if we just fucked with 'em?	How?
-How?	Same way they did with you and me. We take their biggest guy and turn him into one of us.
-Same way they did with you and me. We take their biggest guy and turn him into one of us.	Reynolds.
-Reynolds.	No.
-No.	Who?
-You wanna get caught spying on Albert?	No, I want the NSA to get caught spying on Albert.
-We're gonna lead Albert by the nose to one conclusion. And then when he's pissed as hell, we're gonna drop the tape in his lap. How fast can you teach me what I need to know?	How fast can you learn?
-Pretty fast.	We'll have to re-stock some basics.
-What do you know about locking cellular phone signals?	I know my phone number and I know the number for SportsPhone. Beyond that--
-I know my phone number and I know the number for SportsPhone. Beyond that--	Shit.
-What are you dialing?	AmeriTech's data-base.  There's Albert's D.C. office address and his phone's identity code. Now we just reprogram out phone with his ID code and you know what we've got?
-He came in four minutes ago.	C'mon.
-Feeling lucky?	Not particularly, no.
-Baudmore Consultants.	Is Jerry Delsano in?
-Is Jerry Delsano in?	Who's calling?
-Who's calling?	It's Pat Cary. I work for Senator Sam Albert and I was given Jerry's name.
-It's Pat Cary. I work for Senator Sam Albert and I was given Jerry's name.	Jerry's on vacation 'till Monday. I can give him the message when he gets back. That was Patrick and the last name--
-Jerry's on vacation 'till Monday. I can give him the message when he gets back. That was Patrick and the last name--	The thing is...it really can't wait.
-The thing is...it really can't wait.	My name's Neil. Maybe I can help you.
---Don't think it could've gone any better. Tell me, how's Deb? How're my grandchildren?	A receiver tuned permanently to the Senator's phone.
-Well, sir, I'm afraid it's not as simple as that. Your average newspaper guy or Hard Copy lady or whatever, they can't buy this stuff.	Well then who can?
-Well then who can?	Ah, sir, you know, it's not for me to say.
-Ah, sir, you know, it's not for me to say.	What do you mean? Who can buy this kind of equipment.
-What do you mean? Who can buy this kind of equipment.	The thing is, Senator, and I don't want to get in the middle of nothing, but--
-The thing is, Senator, and I don't want to get in the middle of nothing, but--	What are you saying?
-What are you saying?	Most of this stuff's only available to law enforcement.
-Most of this stuff's only available to law enforcement.	Law enforcement?
-Law enforcement?	FBI, CIA, NSA, local cops.
-FBI, CIA, NSA, local cops.	Are you sure about this?
-I yanked this off your RV. It's a Global Positioning Tracker.	Oh my God.
-Oh my God.	Tracks your location to the inch and works directly with--you know...
-Tracks your location to the inch and works directly with--you know...	With what?
-With what?	With spy satellites. I don't like saying these things Senator...
-With spy satellites. I don't like saying these things Senator...	Neil, thank you for your help.
-Neil, thank you for your help.	Anytime.
-Hi, Mr. Dean.	Hello. Hello, Maria.
-Is it okay?	You got any money?
-Hey, Mr. D., what's happenin'?	Dylan, I was just asking Eric if--
-Dylan, I was just asking Eric if--	Oh, God, I knew it was stupid, I knew we'd get caught. But the Gameboy was just sitting there. Right on top of the bag. Yes. Yes. We took the GameBoy out of the bag, but with every intention of putting it back.
-Oh, God, I knew it was stupid, I knew we'd get caught. But the Gameboy was just sitting there. Right on top of the bag. Yes. Yes. We took the GameBoy out of the bag, but with every intention of putting it back.	You're a tough nut to crack, Dylan.
-Do you see anything you like?	I'm married.
-I'm married.	That's fine.
-That's fine.	I'm married to my wife...of several years...and I'd like to buy...as a Christmas present...
-I'm married to my wife...of several years...and I'd like to buy...as a Christmas present...	You'd like to buy your wife some lingerie as a Christmas gift.
-You'd like to buy your wife some lingerie as a Christmas gift.	Yes. I have her permission.
-Yes. I have her permission.	It's okay. I think it's a wonderful gift.
-It's okay. I think it's a wonderful gift.	Can you help me?
-Can you help me?	How 'bout Christian Dior?
-How 'bout Christian Dior?	Is that good?
-Is that good?	Very good.
-Very good.	I don't know anything about this. Well, I mean, I know a little about--from a certain perspective. My point is, I don't want to do anything foolish.
-I don't know anything about this. Well, I mean, I know a little about--from a certain perspective. My point is, I don't want to do anything foolish.	It's a little late for that.
-It's a little late for that.	I'll say.
-I'll say.	What size?
-What size?	Pardon?
-Pardon?	What size?
-What size?	Eight.  Size eight.
-Eight.  Size eight.	I'll be right back.
-I'll be right back.	Thanks.
-Thanks.	Remain calm.
-Remain calm.	Okay.
-I think she'll like this very much.	Listen, Daniel, hang on one second.
-Listen, Daniel, hang on one second.	For that matter, I think you will too.
-For that matter, I think you will too.	Could you give me just a moment to talk to a friend of mine here? Not about this, but...Daniel?
-I know, but--	Wildlife footage, for God's sake. I don't see how he could've slipped you something that the FBI would be interested in.
-Wildlife footage, for God's sake. I don't see how he could've slipped you something that the FBI would be interested in.	That's my point.
-That's my point.	What's your point.
-What's your point.	Well, I need to find out as much about Daniel as possible.
-Well, I need to find out as much about Daniel as possible.	Why?
-Why?	Because my life is being ruined.
-Because my life is being ruined.	Daniel's life is already ruined. Maybe if you guys stopped thinking about yourselves for a change and--
-Yes?	I didn't want to bother you during your racquetball game.
-I didn't want to bother you during your racquetball game.	Thanks.  Who are you?
-I'm sorry. Detective Morelos.	Hey, did you guys find my stuff?
-Hey, did you guys find my stuff?	Your stuff?
-Your stuff?	The robbery.
-The robbery.	No, sir, I'm not involved with that. I'm doing a quick follow-up on a bus accident took place a few nights ago. Your name keeps coming up.
-No, sir, I'm not involved with that. I'm doing a quick follow-up on a bus accident took place a few nights ago. Your name keeps coming up.	Oh...yeah, I didn't see the accident.
-Oh...yeah, I didn't see the accident.	Witnesses said you were there, but I notice you didn't file a report.
-Witnesses said you were there, but I notice you didn't file a report.	A report?
-A report?	A police report.
-A police report.	That's 'cause I wasn't there.
-That's 'cause I wasn't there.	You weren't at Harrison's Department Store the night before--
-You weren't at Harrison's Department Store the night before--	I was in the store, the accident was outside. It was a bus.
-I was in the store, the accident was outside. It was a bus.	Someone said you spoke to Mr. Zavitz before he died. I thought you might know something.
-Someone said you spoke to Mr. Zavitz before he died. I thought you might know something.	About what?
-About what?	About the accident.
-About the accident.	I'm no expert, but I'm assuming that the impact of a moving bus against his body caused--
-I'm no expert, but I'm assuming that the impact of a moving bus against his body caused--	Mr. Zavitz was in trouble.
-Mr. Zavitz was in trouble.	What kind of trouble.
-What kind of trouble.	You tell me.
-You tell me.	I can't.
-I can't.	Are you invoking attorney/client privilege.
-Are you invoking attorney/client privilege.	I'm not his attorney.
-I'm not his attorney.	Than why can't you tell me.
-Than why can't you tell me.	Because I don't know.
-Because I don't know.	I'm just trying to determine if Mr. Zavitz was involved in something more than a simple bus accident.
-I'm just trying to determine if Mr. Zavitz was involved in something more than a simple bus accident.	Than why don't you talk to the bus driver?
-Than why don't you talk to the bus driver?	Why so edgy, Mr. Dean?
-Why so edgy, Mr. Dean?	Somebody took my blender.
-Somebody took my blender.	We'd appreciate your cooperation.
-We'd appreciate your cooperation.	I'm happy to help you all I can. But I didn't see the accident and I barely knew Daniel Zavitz. I've gotta go to work.
-Did he give you anything?	No.
-No.	Anything at all?
-Anything at all?	No, sir.
-No, sir.	Was he with anyone?
-Was he with anyone?	Not that I could see.
-Not that I could see.	Nobody gave you anything?
-Nobody gave you anything?	No.
-No.	Why'd you go to Harrison's?
-Why'd you go to Harrison's?	To buy lingerie.
-To buy lingerie.	For your wife?
-For your wife?	Yes, for my wife, what the hell kinds of questions are these.
-Yes, for my wife, what the hell kinds of questions are these.	I thought maybe it might be for Rachel Banks.
-I don't know what's goin' on with Zavitz, but that was way, way outa line.  You understand?	Yes sir.
-Hey.	This guy's a fat-assed Rotarian gasbag.
-This guy's a fat-assed Rotarian gasbag.	Uh-oh.
-Uh-oh.	Listen to him.
-Bobby!	Not a very good one, but--
-Not a very good one, but--	So you tap everyone's phone? You use computers to probe financial records? New Search and Seizure laws?
-So you tap everyone's phone? You use computers to probe financial records? New Search and Seizure laws?	Just for the criminals.
-Just for the criminals.	We won't suspend the civil rights of the good people.
-We won't suspend the civil rights of the good people.	Right.
-Right.	You should take this seriously.
-You should take this seriously.	I think you're taking it seriously enough for both of us.
-You're a lawyer. Don't you care what's going on around you?	Something bad happened tonight.
-Something bad happened tonight.	What?
-What?	I saw a man die.
-I saw a man die.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	In front of Harrison's, he got hit by a bus. I knew him. The firm did some pro bono work for his organization a few years back.
-In front of Harrison's, he got hit by a bus. I knew him. The firm did some pro bono work for his organization a few years back.	I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.	The thing is, when I saw him, it seemed like he wanted to tell me...  ...he was upset about something and he said...  Doesn't matter now.  I'm gonna wash up.
-The thing is, when I saw him, it seemed like he wanted to tell me...  ...he was upset about something and he said...  Doesn't matter now.  I'm gonna wash up.	What'd you buy at Harrison's?
-What'd you buy at Harrison's?	A toaster. And no terrorist talk at dinner. You're spookin' the kids.
-Bobby?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	How'd you get the information on DePinto?
-How'd you get the information on DePinto?	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	Who did you work with to get the--
-Who did you work with to get the--	A guy named Brill. Same guy as always.
-A guy named Brill. Same guy as always.	Yeah, but you said you've never met him. How did you--
-Yeah, but you said you've never met him. How did you--	Honey, I don't like to talk about this stuff in front of Eric.
-Honey, I don't like to talk about this stuff in front of Eric.	Have you been working with Rachel?
-Have you been working with Rachel?	No.
-No.	Sorry.
-Sorry.	It's okay.
-I don't understand why Jerry couldn't clear this up.	Well, you know--
-Well, you know--	He's got his priorities?
-He's got his priorities?	There's just, clearly, some administrative snafu. I'm sure this is the worst of it.
-Stacy?	How could you let me find out like this?
-How could you let me find out like this?	Stacy, I found out like this. This is the first I'm hearing of--
-Stacy, I found out like this. This is the first I'm hearing of--	Robert--
-Robert--	It's not true.
-It's not true.	"""Sources revealed an FBI investigation into a possible money laundering scheme that may have sent millions of dollars--"
-"""Sources revealed an FBI investigation into a possible money laundering scheme that may have sent millions of dollars--"	I've seen it.
-I've seen it.	"""At the center of the investigation are well-known Washington-area attorneys Robert Dean and Rachel Banks."""
-"""At the center of the investigation are well-known Washington-area attorneys Robert Dean and Rachel Banks."""	Yeah...look--
-You swore!	I have lunch with Rachel once a month. She's my connection to an investigator.
-I have lunch with Rachel once a month. She's my connection to an investigator.	I told you I didn't want you seeing her.
-I told you I didn't want you seeing her.	I know.
-I know.	You had an affair with this woman, Robert, we went to a fucking counselor for a year.
-You had an affair with this woman, Robert, we went to a fucking counselor for a year.	I see her for business.
-I see her for business.	You told me you weren't seeing her at all.
-You told me you weren't seeing her at all.	I didn't want you to be upset. I shouldn't have lied. Stacy, there's nothing between me and Rachel Banks.
-The date stamp on the picture is last month. Is that where you and Rachel conduct business.	It's not real...  That's not me.
-It's not real...  That's not me.	Oh, please--
-Oh, please--	It's not a real picture, Stacy, it's been doctored-up.
-It's not a real picture, Stacy, it's been doctored-up.	I think you should leave now, Robert.
-I think you should leave now, Robert.	Stacy--
-Stacy--	Leave this house.
-Stacy, don't hang up.	Do you know what I'm looking at Robert?
-Do you know what I'm looking at Robert?	Stacy--
-Stacy--	I'm looking at a picture of you and Rachel taken yesterday.
-I'm looking at a picture of you and Rachel taken yesterday.	I know, but listen--
-I know, but listen--	Was that doctored-up, too?
-Was that doctored-up, too?	No, I was with her yesterday. I want you to take Eric and go to our parents house. I want you to do it right now.
-No, I was with her yesterday. I want you to take Eric and go to our parents house. I want you to do it right now.	I went to the grocery store. My ATM and credit cards didn't work. I couldn't buy food.
-I went to the grocery store. My ATM and credit cards didn't work. I couldn't buy food.	I know.
-I know.	I went to the bank to see why. They said you emptied our accounts--
-I went to the bank to see why. They said you emptied our accounts--	It wasn't me.
-It wasn't me.	This is science-fiction Robert! The manager showed me the transfer notice with your signature on it.
-This is science-fiction Robert! The manager showed me the transfer notice with your signature on it.	Stacy, somebody's trying to kill me. Now goddamit--
-Stacy, somebody's trying to kill me. Now goddamit--	My father's put me in touch with an attorney. He'll be--
-Is Eric in school?	Yes.
-Yes.	Has anyone been by? Police? FBI?
-Has anyone been by? Police? FBI?	Just reporters.
-Just reporters.	I wish you'd gone to your parents like I asked you.
-I wish you'd gone to your parents like I asked you.	This is my house. Nobody's kicking me out of my house. I picked those drapes.
-This is my house. Nobody's kicking me out of my house. I picked those drapes.	I don't think anybody wants the drapes, Stacy, I think the drapes are okay.
-I don't think anybody wants the drapes, Stacy, I think the drapes are okay.	What happened to your head?
-What happened to your head?	I was in a car chase and a small explosion. Now listen to me: The NSA is behind this. They think that guy I told you about, Daniel Zavitz, they think Zavitz gave me a tape or computer chip of some kind that could be damaging to them. So they're doing all these things electronically. The bank records, the surveillance. They're the ones who broke into the house. Now I know there's no reason to believe me. But I love you. And I love our son. So just believe me anyway.  Please.
-Does that hurt?	Well...yeah.
-Well...yeah.	Good.
-Good.	Stacy--
-I told you they could do this. I told you they had this kind of capability and that with this anti- terrorism it would be just another--	Stacy...Stacy...maybe now isn't the best time for the I-Told-You-So speech.
-I'm sorry I didn't believe you.	That's okay.
-That's okay.	I opened the present you got me from Harrison's.
-I opened the present you got me from Harrison's.	You opened the thing?
-You opened the thing?	The lingerie.
-The lingerie.	That was for Christmas.
-That was for Christmas.	I was missing you.
-I was missing you.	You're as bad as Eric. I've got an entire family of people who root through--
-...who root through...uh...presents, and...	What is it?
-What is it?	Oh Christ.
-Are you sure you're safe?	Yeah.
-They're saying you killed that policeman.	That's gonna end tonight.
-Is it over?	It's over.
-It's really over?	Albert's gonna get me my job back.
-Albert's gonna get me my job back.	I'm sorry about Rachel.
-I'm sorry about Rachel.	Yeah.  I wish you could've met...
-Yeah.  I wish you could've met...	Who?
-Who?	A friend of mine. I don't know his real name. He's dead now.
-A friend of mine. I don't know his real name. He's dead now.	You did good.
-I'm sorry, sir, this card's been declined.	It's a brand new card.
-It's a brand new card.	Maybe it's not connected yet.
-Maybe it's not connected yet.	Here, you can use this.
-My suitcase--	Sir?
-Sir?	My suitcase is gone.
-I'm sure we can locate it for you, sir.	Don't count on it.
-What can I do for you?	Well, I was hoping you might stop by my office to swear out a criminal deposition against some of your friends and co-workers.
-Well, I was hoping you might stop by my office to swear out a criminal deposition against some of your friends and co-workers.	Is this a fuckin' joke?
-Is this a fuckin' joke?	I don't believe it is, no.
-I don't believe it is, no.	Why the hell would I--
-Why the hell would I--	I've got photographs of you at the Trenton Ramada looking very--
-I've got photographs of you at the Trenton Ramada looking very--	That ain't me.
-That ain't me.	It's not?
-It's not?	You don't know who the fuck--
-You don't know who the fuck--	That's not you having a whiskey sour with Carmine Morada.
-That's not you having a whiskey sour with Carmine Morada.	This is fucked. You don't know who's in that--
-This is fucked. You don't know who's in that--	You're right, Mr. DePinto, and maybe I jumped the gun.
-You're right, Mr. DePinto, and maybe I jumped the gun.	You're goddam right you jumped the gun.
-You're goddam right you jumped the gun.	That's probably not you in the picture. I tell you what, I'll just run the thing by the Grand Jury, see if they can't--
-That's probably not you in the picture. I tell you what, I'll just run the thing by the Grand Jury, see if they can't--	I want to talk to a goddam lawyer.
-I want to talk to a goddam lawyer.	Good news there, Mr. DePinto, you're talking to one.
-I'm sorry. I'm not sure I understand. You wanna fuckin' what?	I'd like to speak to someone about what's happening to me.
-Actually, that's not true.	You didn't squeeze DePinto?
-You didn't squeeze DePinto?	No, I meant I'm Presbyterian.
-No, I meant I'm Presbyterian.	Oh.
-Oh.	My wife's Jewish. But that probably doesn't matter right now.
-And then what?	I'll see if I can, you know, work things out.
-How's the trout?	It tastes like fish.
-It tastes like fish.	It is fish.
-It is fish.	I mean it tastes like every other fish I've ever had. Every fish tastes the same.
-I mean it tastes like every other fish I've ever had. Every fish tastes the same.	Do you like fish?
-Do you like fish?	Not that much.
-Here's what you asked for. Brill's note said it was everything you'd need to, shall we say, coax DePinto--	When do I get to meet him?
-When do I get to meet him?	DePinto?
-DePinto?	Brill.
-Brill.	Never.
-Never.	That wasn't the answer I was hoping for.
-That wasn't the answer I was hoping for.	What answer were you--
-"""Soon"". Or at least sooner than never."	It's how he works.
-It's how he works.	Brill?
-Brill?	Yes.
-Yes.	So you've said.
-Ten thousand cash. I don't know if it's Brill's prices going up or your commission.	I take a straight 15 percent. Brill's fee varies with risk. Perhaps you'd be more comfortable using someone else.
-I take a straight 15 percent. Brill's fee varies with risk. Perhaps you'd be more comfortable using someone else.	Other than Brill.
-Other than Brill.	Other than me.
-Other than me.	Why would I--
-Why would I--	Someone with whom you don't have quite so personal a--
-Someone with whom you don't have quite so personal a--	I like our history. And I like you. I'd probably like Brill if I ever got to--
-I like our history. And I like you. I'd probably like Brill if I ever got to--	He doesn't work that way.
-He doesn't work that way.	I just want to make sure I'm not breaking the law.
-I just want to make sure I'm not breaking the law.	You're not.
-You're not.	How can I be sure.
-How can I be sure.	I wouldn't let you. Good luck with DePinto.
-I wouldn't let you. Good luck with DePinto.	Thank you.
-Thank you.	Eat your fish.
-Eat your fish.	Mr. DePinto? My name's Robert Dean. I'm an attorney with Seth, Silverberg.
-I got a call from my firm this morning saying don't come in.	Why?
-Why?	There are reporters wanting to know about my relationship with you and how long I've worked for the mob. The mob, Bobby!
-There are reporters wanting to know about my relationship with you and how long I've worked for the mob. The mob, Bobby!	All right, look--
-Good. You're just what I need right now.	You got a minute?
-You got a minute?	It's really not a good idea for me to be seen with you.
-It's really not a good idea for me to be seen with you.	Who's doing this?
-Who's doing this?	I gotta go.
-I gotta go.	Will you hang on just a second.
-I know.	The IRS contacted me this morning. They say my lifestyle and receipts exceed my income.
-The IRS contacted me this morning. They say my lifestyle and receipts exceed my income.	You being audited?
-You being audited?	For the last four years.
-For the last four years.	My firm'll represent you. Free of charge.
-My firm'll represent you. Free of charge.	You don't work there anymore, Bobby.
-You don't work there anymore, Bobby.	That's temporary.
-That's temporary.	Bullshit.
-Bullshit.	Rachel--
-Rachel--	We're screwed.
-We're screwed.	I'm gonna fix it.
-I'm gonna fix it.	How?
-How?	Tell me about Brill.
-I can't.	You have to.
-You have to.	I've never met him?
-I've never met him?	Goddammit, Rachel, you assured me--
-Fuck you. When you needed information, I got it. You didn't care how.	I did care how.
-I did care how.	This conversation's over.
-This conversation's over.	What're you gonna do, Rachel? You gonna sit in a bar in Baltimore? You want your job back? You want a life?
-What're you gonna do, Rachel? You gonna sit in a bar in Baltimore? You want your job back? You want a life?	I don't have a life, Bobby. I'm in love with a married man.
-I don't have a life, Bobby. I'm in love with a married man.	I'm sorry about that.
-I'm sorry about that.	What makes you think it's you?
-What makes you think it's you?	It's not me?
-It's not me?	You're a moron, you know that?
-You're a moron, you know that?	Yeah.
-Any idea what he looks like?	My guess is male, somewhere in his 40's or 50's.
-Yeah?	We'd like to ask you some questions about Daniel Zavitz.
-We'd like to ask you some questions about Daniel Zavitz.	Who are you people?
-Who are you people?	I'm an investigator with Pro-Tech Security.
-I'm an investigator with Pro-Tech Security.	I went through this with an investigator this morning. If I could--
-I went through this with an investigator this morning. If I could--	Mr. Zavitz was involved in an extortion scheme. We believe he passed you sensitive materials, possibly with your knowledge, and we need to--
-Mr. Zavitz was involved in an extortion scheme. We believe he passed you sensitive materials, possibly with your knowledge, and we need to--	He didn't.
-He didn't.	We believe he did.
-We believe he did.	You're wrong.
-You're wrong.	We have good reason to believe that he passed you--
-We have good reason to believe that he passed you--	If he passed me materials, I'd have them. I don't.
-If he passed me materials, I'd have them. I don't.	We'd like to recover any materials Mr. Zavitz may have given you--
-We'd like to recover any materials Mr. Zavitz may have given you--	He didn't give me--
-He didn't give me--	--otherwise we may have to--
---otherwise we may have to--	Otherwise you may have to what?
-Otherwise you may have to what?	We'd rather not--
-We'd rather not--	Fuck you. You may have to what?
-He didn't give me--	--otherwise we may have to--
---otherwise we may have to--	Otherwise you may have to what?
-Otherwise you may have to what?	We'd rather not--
-We'd rather not--	Fuck you. You may have to--
-Jesus! What?! You want money?!	Shut the fuck up.
-Your shoe.	My shoe?
-My shoe?	Gimme the shoe.
-Hey!	Forget me, forget what I did for you. Don't ever mention my name or try to contact me again. Get it?
-Forget me, forget what I did for you. Don't ever mention my name or try to contact me again. Get it?	I don't know you, I don't know your name, I don't know what the hell you did for me except hang up on my wife and slam me into a wall, but I'm getting pretty fuckin' sick of this! Get it?!
-I don't know you, I don't know your name, I don't know what the hell you did for me except hang up on my wife and slam me into a wall, but I'm getting pretty fuckin' sick of this! Get it?!	Seat 74.
-Seat 74.	You're Brill.
-God knows I would, sir, but I have a previous engagement this evening.	And may I ask what could possibly be more important than Fawell Oil v. U.S. Environmental Agency?
-And may I ask what could possibly be more important than Fawell Oil v. U.S. Environmental Agency?	I have to go lingerie shopping.
-Diane, maybe you didn't hear Mr. Silverberg. They've got models that'll try on the garments.  Thank you, sir.	Merry Christmas, son.
-Listen--	I got a call this morning from a source I trust. The Post is running a lead this afternoon about your involvement in the Bellmoth investigation.
-I got a call this morning from a source I trust. The Post is running a lead this afternoon about your involvement in the Bellmoth investigation.	I don't under--
-They claim you helped create a shell company for Sam Vollotti in Zurich and that through your continuing relationship, the Gambino family's been able to exert influence and provide false witnesses to discredit our case.	Oh, well, that's true.
-Robert--	Gimme a week and four guys from litigation and I'll have the Post pleading with us not to sue for libel.
-What's his name?	Brill.
-Gentlemen--	This is bullshit. Someone's mixing up a bunch of half-truths to ruin me and to ruin my case.
-This is bullshit. Someone's mixing up a bunch of half-truths to ruin me and to ruin my case.	Who would do that?
-Who would do that?	Maybe Bellmoth. Maybe the unions. I don't know.
-Maybe Bellmoth. Maybe the unions. I don't know.	Well until we find, you're gonna have to take a leave of absence.
-Well until we find, you're gonna have to take a leave of absence.	You're firing me.
-You're firing me.	A leave of absence. Until we've sorted this all out.
-A leave of absence. Until we've sorted this all out.	Put David on it. He seems anxious to clear my name.
-Put David on it. He seems anxious to clear my name.	Bobby--
-Bobby--	Fuck off.
-Well that's why I'm here, Mr. Dean. 'Cause you're a labor lawyer.	Good point.
-Good point.	Last night, Larry Spinks, he works the Steel Press, he goes to a bar with his wife Rosalie to have a glass of chianti 'cause it's his birthday, and these two guys, these Guido mother-fuckers, they jump him when he goes to the bathroom.
-Last night, Larry Spinks, he works the Steel Press, he goes to a bar with his wife Rosalie to have a glass of chianti 'cause it's his birthday, and these two guys, these Guido mother-fuckers, they jump him when he goes to the bathroom.	L.T., in this office I'd prefer you say Italian-Americans.
-L.T., in this office I'd prefer you say Italian-Americans.	I'm sorry, Mr. Dean. But Larry's in St. Lukes now, so I'm a little--I'm not myself. The Union bosses say unless we take Bellmoth's offer, it'll only get worse.
-I'm sorry, Mr. Dean. But Larry's in St. Lukes now, so I'm a little--I'm not myself. The Union bosses say unless we take Bellmoth's offer, it'll only get worse.	That's because your Union bosses are those Guido mother-fuckers.
-That's because your Union bosses are those Guido mother-fuckers.	I don't under--
-I don't under--	The Union's trying to railroad you into accepting terms worse than what you have now.
-The Union's trying to railroad you into accepting terms worse than what you have now.	Why would the Union--
-Because they've been paid off by Bellmoth.	Mr. Dean--
-Mr. Dean--	My name's Bobby. I'm your lawyer. Don't do anything 'till I talk to you.
-Robert--	Where's Stacy?
-Where's Stacy?	She doesn't want to talk to you.
-She doesn't want to talk to you.	What are you talking--
-What are you talking--	She can't talk to you right now.
-She can't talk to you right now.	Why?
-Why?	Because she's reading the newspaper, you asshole.
-Excuse me, have any of you seen an eight year old boy, good looking, about yea-big.	Hi, dad.
-You're learning a cruel lesson.	Are those my Christmas presents?
-Are those my Christmas presents?	Some of 'em.
-Some of 'em.	Can I open 'em up?
-Can I open 'em up?	Sure, go ahead.
-Sure, go ahead.	Really?
-Really?	In your dreams.
-In your dreams.	Dad!
-Dad!	You staying for dinner?
-He's kidding.	Where's mom?
-Where's mom?	She's in the kitchen.
-Dad!	Do I know you?
-Do I know you?	Where've you been?
-Where've you been?	Having an adventure. I can't tell you about it right now, but I'll tell you about it soon.
-Having an adventure. I can't tell you about it right now, but I'll tell you about it soon.	Are you and mom getting a divorce?
-Are you and mom getting a divorce?	No. We're never getting a divorce. We were having a fight. It happens sometimes.
-No. We're never getting a divorce. We were having a fight. It happens sometimes.	Who won the fight?
-Who won the fight?	Men don't win fights with women, son, I'll tell you about that sometime, too. In the meantime, I've got a question for you, and it's incredibly important that you tell me the truth. Under no circumstances will I be angry with you. This is a total Get-Out-Of- Jail-Free card. Ready?
-Men don't win fights with women, son, I'll tell you about that sometime, too. In the meantime, I've got a question for you, and it's incredibly important that you tell me the truth. Under no circumstances will I be angry with you. This is a total Get-Out-Of- Jail-Free card. Ready?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Did you take anything--anything at all--out of those Christmas bags I brought home last week.
-How long can you stay?	I'm not goin' anywhere, Eric. I live here.
-It's okay to use the phone.	Alright!
-Alright!	"No ""900"" numbers."
-They took the espresso machine. The espresso machine, Jerry! Which makes sense, you know, because the crooks probably wanted to make themselves a latte before fencing the stereo.	Did they take your clothes?
-Did they take your clothes?	No.
-No.	You've got a bunch of Armani suits, they didn't take 'em?
-You've got a bunch of Armani suits, they didn't take 'em?	No.
-No.	Usually they take clothes.
-Usually they take clothes.	Why don't you give 'em a call.
-Why don't you give 'em a call.	What about jewelry?
-What about jewelry?	They didn't take the jewelry. They took the computers. They took the big-screen TV, they took my blender.
-They didn't take the jewelry. They took the computers. They took the big-screen TV, they took my blender.	The blender?
-The blender?	I love my blender.
-I love my blender.	They didn't take the silverware?
-They didn't take the silverware?	No, but they took my blender.
-No, but they took my blender.	Sounds like they didn't want anything that wasn't electric?
-Sounds like they didn't want anything that wasn't electric?	What?
-What?	They only took electrical appliances.
-They only took electrical appliances.	Serve the ball.
-Can I talk to you a second?	Table 122?
-Table 122?	That's what I want to talk to you about?
-That's what I want to talk to you about?	I wrote a check for a thousand dollars. You guys didn't have a table that was in the kitchen?
-The Congressman's very happy to have your support, but he's heard that there's an investigation.	An investigation? It was a bus accident.
-An investigation? It was a bus accident.	He's heard that it's escalated.
-He's heard that it's escalated.	Into what?
-Into what?	Your Bellmoth case. The FBI thinks there might be mob ties.
-Your Bellmoth case. The FBI thinks there might be mob ties.	I'm a labor lawyer. There are always mob ties.
-I'm a labor lawyer. There are always mob ties.	Just be cool.
-Jerry--	Christ!
-Christ!	Ssh!
-Ssh!	Bobby--
-Bobby--	It's the NSA. They're the ones doing this.
-It's the NSA. They're the ones doing this.	Bobby--
-Bobby--	The NSA's doing this 'cause they think I have something. And they killed--
-The NSA's doing this 'cause they think I have something. And they killed--	Calm down.
-Calm down.	They killed Rachel.
-They killed Rachel.	Rachel's dead?
-Rachel's dead?	Yes.
-Yes.	Jesus.
-Jesus.	My stuff's all over her apartment.
-My stuff's all over her apartment.	Bobby--
-Bobby--	They're framing me.
-They're framing me.	Why would they--
-Why would they--	I don't know. I mean--
-I don't know. I mean--	Why would the NSA--
-Why would the NSA--	I don't know!
-I don't know!	You're tired.
-You're tired.	Jerry--
-Jerry--	Listen to me.
-Listen to me.	You gotta--
-You gotta--	No, listen to me. You gotta let me bring you in.
-No, listen to me. You gotta let me bring you in.	No, I--
-No, I--	You gotta let me bring you in to the police.
-You gotta let me bring you in to the police.	I won't make it to the police. They won't let me get there. You go.
-I won't make it to the police. They won't let me get there. You go.	To the cops?
-To the cops?	To the NSA. Make a deal. Tell 'em to stop. Tell 'em I don't have what they're after. Make a deal.
-To the NSA. Make a deal. Tell 'em to stop. Tell 'em I don't have what they're after. Make a deal.	Bobby, you're in way over your head.
-Bobby, you're in way over your head.	Go to 'em, Jerry.
-Go to 'em, Jerry.	I have a family.
-I have a family.	So do I!
-I'm sorry, man.	No. No, it's okay.
-Bobby? Piece of advice?	Yeah?
-Yeah?	Turn yourself in.
-Turn yourself in.	Jerry?
-Jerry?	Yeah?
-Yeah?	Go fuck yourself.
-It's me, Robert Dean.  From Seth, Silverberg. I worked on--	Bobby--
-Bobby--	It's been a few years.
-It's been a few years.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	I'm just doing some Christmas shopping. It's for my wife, no kidding. Though, this isn't the main present, it's just, you know, a little--
-I'm just doing some Christmas shopping. It's for my wife, no kidding. Though, this isn't the main present, it's just, you know, a little--	I need help.
-I need help.	Tell me about it.
-Tell me about it.	How can I reach you?
-How can I reach you?	Are you okay?
-Are you okay?	Are you still in Crystal City?
-Are you still in Crystal City?	Yeah, what's going on?
-Dick Burns got a phone call this morning from someone wanting information on you.	The police?
-The police?	No. He said they were doing a credit check. Are you refinancing a loan?
-No. He said they were doing a credit check. Are you refinancing a loan?	You remember Daniel Zavitz?
-You remember Daniel Zavitz?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	He got hit by a bus.
-He got hit by a bus.	What does that have to do with you?
-What does that have to do with you?	I honestly don't know.
-Was Zavitz in trouble?	I don't know.
-You think there was a connection to--	Jesus! I just told you. I don't know.
-What is it you want?	Someone's trying to destroy my life, and I'd like to find out who.
-Well we'd sure like to help you.	You would?
-You would?	Yes. But we can't.
-Yes. But we can't.	Why not?
-Why not?	Because we, and our associates, have paid out hundreds of thousands of dollars to shyster lawyers like you, because of shyster lawyers like you, and we'd just as soon sit back and sip a beer while you get ass-banged by as many people as possible.
-What's your opinion?	It's hard to say for certain, these things are--
-It's hard to say for certain, these things are--	I'm not asking you to say for certain. This is what you're trained to do, right?
-I'm not asking you to say for certain. This is what you're trained to do, right?	Yes sir.
-Yes sir.	Then what's your goddam opinion?
-Then what's your goddam opinion?	Zavitz had digital compression equipment. He could've downloaded into something. A disk, a chip, anything small enough to put in his pocket and run with. Whatever he put it in, he dropped it in that bag.
-Zavitz had digital compression equipment. He could've downloaded into something. A disk, a chip, anything small enough to put in his pocket and run with. Whatever he put it in, he dropped it in that bag.	Get it.
-"""I know thy works and thy labour and how thou canst not bear them that are evil. And thou hast tried them who say they are apostles and hast found them to be liars"". Revelations II."	What the hell does it mean?
-What the hell does it mean?	It means who's side are you on?
-It means who's side are you on?	You didn't ask me to meet you 30 miles from my office for a Bible study class.
-You didn't ask me to meet you 30 miles from my office for a Bible study class.	It's a bi-partisan issue. Everyone needs to swallow hard. No one, including you, wants to be fingered as the one obstructing efforts to crack down on terrorism, and--
-It's a bi-partisan issue. Everyone needs to swallow hard. No one, including you, wants to be fingered as the one obstructing efforts to crack down on terrorism, and--	Fuck you.
-Fuck you.	What?
-What?	I said fuck you.
-I said fuck you.	Is that anyway to talk to an old school chum?
-Is that anyway to talk to an old school chum?	You're gonna finger me as soft on terrorism? Terrorism, you unconscionable asshole?
-You're gonna finger me as soft on terrorism? Terrorism, you unconscionable asshole?	There are planes falling out of the sky, buildings blowing up. American buildings. Americans getting bombs in the mail. What are we gonna do!?
-There are planes falling out of the sky, buildings blowing up. American buildings. Americans getting bombs in the mail. What are we gonna do!?	We're not gonna hand you and your band of lunatics the keys to the kingdom. I'm not gonna sit in Congress and write a law that allows the NSA to point a camera and a microphone at anything they damn well feel like. And the next time you have something to say to me, we do it above-board, in my office, like everyone else. Now get outa my car, I've got a committee meeting on the hill.
-What happened?	He's dead. An accident. Hit by a bus.
-He's dead. An accident. Hit by a bus.	What about the tapes?
-What about the tapes?	We found the originals.
-We found the originals.	The originals?
-The originals?	There was a transfer.
-There was a transfer.	Am I to understand--
-Am I to understand--	He never made it to the newspaper, but there was private sector contact.
-He never made it to the newspaper, but there was private sector contact.	Who?
-Who?	Several indiscriminates and one primary who we've ID'd as Robert Dean. A Crystal City attorney.  Mr. Reynolds?  Sir?
-Several indiscriminates and one primary who we've ID'd as Robert Dean. A Crystal City attorney.  Mr. Reynolds?  Sir?	Contact COINTEL. Profile. Assess the threat. Then cross-check against Zavitz. Red-flag the intersects and anything we can exploit. Also NRO. Pull up the keyhole tapes. I need to own him. I need to own him now.
-We'd have to--	Get it.
-He's arrogant and threatening. Voice stress points suggest he's worrying.	Hiding something?
-Hiding something?	It was in his bag. Now it's not.
-It was in his bag. Now it's not.	Destroy his credibility before he goes public. Neutralize him. I don't want anyone listening to a word he has to say. Tell me about Rachel Banks.
-30 minutes ago you said we had him. What in hell's goin' on out there?	He had help.
-He had help.	Help from whom?  Christ.
-I sit on top of the greatest intelligence gathering organization in human history. Why can't I bring in a man whose name is in the fucking phonebook?!	He's clever. He had help.
-He's clever. He had help.	He's clever? He had help?  Oh.
-He's clever? He had help?  Oh.	Sir--
-Sir--	No, no, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were hoping to be transferred to a weathership outside Greenland.
-No, no, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were hoping to be transferred to a weathership outside Greenland.	I just meant--
-I just meant--	I don't care if he's Solomon with Saint Joseph sitting in his lap. I want the tape and I want him. Now is--
-We found two sets of latent prints in the rubble of Brill's studio. One was Dean's. The other, we believe, belongs to Brill.	We believe?
-We believe?	Well...his real name's Edward Lyle.
-Well...his real name's Edward Lyle.	Lyle?!
-Lyle?!	Yes sir.
-Yes sir.	You're kidding me.
-You're kidding me.	No sir.
-No sir.	Dean's with Lyle.
-Dean's with Lyle.	And they have the video. That's confirmed.
-And they have the video. That's confirmed.	So they know everything.
-So they know everything.	If they've looked at the video.
-If they've looked at the video.	Oh, let's assume that they have.
-Oh, let's assume that they have.	If he's with Lyle it means he's got resources.
-If he's with Lyle it means he's got resources.	Resources, that's a good point. He's got resources. All we've got is a six-hundred billion dollar organization! Now goddammit, Hicks, you find 'em. You find 'em and you end it now!
-What about--	We don't know.
-We don't know.	Explain that.
-Jones had to flee the scene before we could locate the second body.	What about the tape?
-What about the tape?	We think it was on Brill. If it was, it's destroyed now.
-We think it was on Brill. If it was, it's destroyed now.	And if it wasn't?
-Found him. Kent Island nailed the call five minutes ago. He's stationary.	Do you have visual?
-Do you have visual?	"Not yet. He's near ""M"" and 34th. I've got an ELSUR unit on the scene now. A residential building. Twelve units."
-"Not yet. He's near ""M"" and 34th. I've got an ELSUR unit on the scene now. A residential building. Twelve units."	What's your ETA?
-What's your ETA?	Three minutes. We're going in light. Myself and two others. Everyone else is held back in reserve.
-Three minutes. We're going in light. Myself and two others. Everyone else is held back in reserve.	He walked right up to me in church. At the holiest time of the wear. He approached me in a sanctified place.  Kill him now.
-Yes?	Federal Express for 'Zavitz'.
-Federal Express for 'Zavitz'.	Federal Express?
-Federal Express?	For Daniel Zavitz. I just need a signature.
-For Daniel Zavitz. I just need a signature.	How'd you get in the building?
-How'd you get in the building?	The door was open, sir. I just need a signature.
-We're not stupid, Reynolds.	The fuck do you have goin' on with Sam Albert?
-The fuck do you have goin' on with Sam Albert?	This guy's carrying the flag for the damn terrorism bill. You think this is the best time to piss him off?
-This guy's carrying the flag for the damn terrorism bill. You think this is the best time to piss him off?	You have any idea what kind of position this--
-You have any idea what kind of position this--	He's carrying the damn flag.
-It was pulsing on your SAT frequencies.	I don't know what's going on, but if you people have tripped over your own asshole again, you're not gonna get any help from us. It's ending at your doorstep.
-Yes?	Puffed cheese?
-Puffed cheese?	No thank you.
-No thank you.	I also have tiny pizzas and mushrooms stuffed with--
-I also have tiny pizzas and mushrooms stuffed with--	Do I look like I want a tiny pizza?
-Do I look like I want a tiny pizza?	No.
-No.	Then let's assume I don't.
-Then let's assume I don't.	Yes sir.
-Now is that clear?	Yes sir.
-Thank you.	I wanted to meet a man who could write such a long paper with so few adjectives.
-I wanted to meet a man who could write such a long paper with so few adjectives.	A thing is still a thing no matter what you place in front of it.  Big car, slow car, chauffeur-driven car, still a car.
-Isn't Zerzura supposed to be protected by spirits who take on the shape of sandstorms?	What kind of fossils?
-I can't sing.  but I can tell a story.  I might need a prompt.  Do you have your Herodotus?  I've noticed you carry it	I'm sorry - what have you noticed?
-Daskylus	Yes, thank you, Gyges, son of Daskylus - Candaules said to him I don't think you believe me when I tell you how beautiful my wife is. And although Gyges replied he did find the Queen magnificent the King insisted he would find some way to prove beyond dispute that she was fairest of all women.  Do you all know this story?
-How much did you pay?	Hello!  Good morning.
-Hello!  Good morning.	They don't see foreign women in this market.  How much did you pay?
-They don't see foreign women in this market.  How much did you pay?	Seven pounds, eight, I suppose. Why?
-Seven pounds, eight, I suppose. Why?	Which stall?
-Which stall?	Excuse me?
-Excuse me?	You've been cheated, don't worry, we'll take it back.
-You've been cheated, don't worry, we'll take it back.	I don't want to go back.
-I don't want to go back.	This is not worth eight pounds, Mrs. Clifton.
-This is not worth eight pounds, Mrs. Clifton.	I don't care to bargain.
-I don't care to bargain.	That insults them.
-That insults them.	I don't believe that.  I think you are insulted by me, somehow. You're a foreigner too, aren't you, here, in this market?
-I don't believe that.  I think you are insulted by me, somehow. You're a foreigner too, aren't you, here, in this market?	I should be very happy to obtain the correct price for this.  I apologize if I appear abrupt.  I am rusty at social graces.  How do you find Cairo?  Did you visit the Pyramids?
-I should be very happy to obtain the correct price for this.  I apologize if I appear abrupt.  I am rusty at social graces.  How do you find Cairo?  Did you visit the Pyramids?	Excuse me.
-Why did you follow me yesterday?	Excuse me?
-Excuse me?	After the market, you followed me to the hotel.
-After the market, you followed me to the hotel.	I was concerned.  As I said, women in that part of Cairo, a European women, I felt obliged to.
-I was concerned.  As I said, women in that part of Cairo, a European women, I felt obliged to.	You felt obliged to.
-You felt obliged to.	As the wife of one of our party.
-As the wife of one of our party.	So why follow me?  Escort me, by all means.  Following me is predatory, isn't it?
-This is an incredible story - about a man hunting an Ostrich, he's been telling me about Zerzura, he thinks he's been there, but his map, the route he's describing, he couldn't survive the journey now, but he's a poet, so his map is poetry - and now we're onto an Ostrich.  I'm telling her your map is poetry. The Arab shrugs.	What do you mean, poetry?
-What do you mean, poetry?	A mountain curved like a woman's back, a plateau the shape of an ear.
-A mountain curved like a woman's back, a plateau the shape of an ear.	Sounds perfectly clear.  Where does the Ostrich come in?
-Sounds perfectly clear.  Where does the Ostrich come in?	The Ostrich is a detour.  A poor man hunts an ostrich, it's the method.  Nothing to do with Zerzura.  To catch an ostrich you must appear not to move.  The man finds a place where the ostrich feeds, a wadi, and stands where the ostrich can see him, on the horizon, and doesn't move, doesn't eat - otherwise the ostrich will run.  At nightfall, he moves, fifty, sixty yards.  When the ostrich comes the next day, the man is there, but he's nearer.  Haunting the ostrich.
-What is he saying?  Come on, what did he say?	He said - be careful.
-He said - be careful.	Be careful?  You mean you - or me? Who?
-Be careful?  You mean you - or me? Who?	Her or me?
-Actually, you sing.	Pardon?
-Pardon?	You sing.  All the time.
-You sing.  All the time.	I do not.
-I do not.	Ask Al Auf. Almásy asks Al Auf in Arabic.
-What's this?	I thought you might paste them into your book.
-I thought you might paste them into your book.	We took several photographs, there's no need.
-We took several photographs, there's no need.	I'd like you to have them.
-I'd like you to have them.	There's really no need.  This is just a scrapbook.  I should feel obliged.  Thank you.
-There's really no need.  This is just a scrapbook.  I should feel obliged.  Thank you.	And that would be unconscionable, I suppose, to feel any obligation? Yes.  Of course it would.
-You should come into the shelter.	I'm quite all right, thank you.
-I'm quite all right, thank you.	Look over there.
-What am I looking at?	See what's happening to them - the stars.
-See what's happening to them - the stars.	They're so untidy.  I'm just trying to rearrange them.
-They're so untidy.  I'm just trying to rearrange them.	In an hour there will be no stars. The air is filling with sand.
-This is not very good, is it?	No.
-No.	Shall we be all right?
-Shall we be all right?	Yes.  Absolutely.
-Yes.  Absolutely.	Yes is a comfort.  Absolutely is not.
-- there is the Harmattan, a red wind. Which Mariners called the sea of darkness.  Red sand from this wind has flown as far as the south coast of England, producing showers so dense they were mistaken for blood. Almasy checks to see if Katharine is still awake.	Fiction.  We had a house on that coast and it never rained blood. Go on.  More.
-Fiction.  We had a house on that coast and it never rained blood. Go on.  More.	All true.  Herodotus, your friend, tells of a wind - the Simoon - so evil that a nation declared war on it and marched out to fight it in full battle dress, their swords raised.
-Madox will have calculated how many miles, they'll soon turn around.	Oh my God, the others!
-Could I ask you, please, to paste you paintings into my book?  I should like to have them.  I should be honored.	Of course.  Is it, am I a terrible coward to ask how much water we have?
-Of course.  Is it, am I a terrible coward to ask how much water we have?	Water?  Yes, we have water, we have a little in our can, we have water in the radiator which can be drunk. Not at all cowardly, extremely practical.  Come on, come on!  There's also a plant - I've never seen it but I'm told you can cut a piece the size of a heart from this plant and the next day it will be filled with a delicious liquid.
-Water?  Yes, we have water, we have a little in our can, we have water in the radiator which can be drunk. Not at all cowardly, extremely practical.  Come on, come on!  There's also a plant - I've never seen it but I'm told you can cut a piece the size of a heart from this plant and the next day it will be filled with a delicious liquid.	Find that plant.  Cut out its heart.
-Geoffrey's not in Cairo.  He's not actually a buffoon.  And the plane wasn't a wedding present. It belongs to the British Government.  They want aerial maps of the whole North Africa. So I think he's in Ethiopia.  In case you were counting on his sudden appearance.	And the marriage - is that a fiction?
-And the marriage - is that a fiction?	No, the marriage isn't a fiction.
-Do they know them?	No, but I think I do.
-Will you not come in?	No.
-No.	Will you please come in?
-Will you please come in?	Mrs. Clifton - Katharine turns, disgusted.
-Mrs. Clifton - Katharine turns, disgusted.	Don't.
-Don't.	I believe you still have my book.
-I'm impressed you can sew.	Good.
-Good.	You sew very badly.
-You sew very badly.	You don't sew at all!
-You don't sew at all!	A woman should never learn to sew, and if she can she should never admit to it.  Close your eyes.
-A woman should never learn to sew, and if she can she should never admit to it.  Close your eyes.	That makes it harder still.
-When were you most happy?	Now.
-Now.	When were you least happy?
-When were you least happy?	Now.
-Now.	Okay.  And what do you love? Say everything.
-Okay.  And what do you love? Say everything.	What do I love?  I love rice pudding, and water, the fish in it, hedgehogs! The gardens at our house in Freshwater - all my secret paths.
-What else?	Marmite - addicted!  Baths - not with other people!  Islands.  Your handwriting.  I could go on all day.  My husband. Almásy nods.
-Marmite - addicted!  Baths - not with other people!  Islands.  Your handwriting.  I could go on all day.  My husband. Almásy nods.	What do you hate most?
-What do you hate most?	A lie.  What do you hate most?
-A lie.  What do you hate most?	Ownership.  Being owned.  When you leave, you should forget me.
-Say you're sick.	What?  No!
-What?  No!	Say you're feeling faint - the sun.
-Say you're feeling faint - the sun.	No.
-No.	I can't work.  I can't sleep. Lady Hampton calls impatiently.
-I can still taste you.	This is empty, just coming!
-This is empty, just coming!	I'm trying to write with your taste in my mouth.  Swoon.  I'll catch you.
-This is - what is this?	It's a folk song.
-It's a folk song.	Arabic?
-Arabic?	No, no, it's Hungarian.  My daijka sang it to me.
-No, no, it's Hungarian.  My daijka sang it to me.	It's beautiful.  What's it about?
-It's beautiful.  What's it about?	It's a long song - Szerelem means love…and the story - there's a Hungarian Count, he's a wanderer, a fool.  For years he's on some kind of quest, who knows what? And then one day he falls under the spell of a mysterious English woman - a harpy - who beats him and hits him and he becomes her slave.  He sews her clothes, he worships the hem of -
-Ouch!  See - you're always beating me..!	You bastard, I was believing you!
-This - what's it called? - this place, I love it - this is mine!  I'm asking the King permission to call it the Almasy Bosphorous.	I thought we were against ownership?  I can stay tonight.
-Madox knows, I think.  He's tried to warn me.  He keeps talking about Anna Karenina.  I think it's his idea of a man-to-man chat.  Its my idea of a man-to-man chat.	This is a different world - is what I tell myself.  A different life. And here I am a different wife.
-This is a different world - is what I tell myself.  A different life. And here I am a different wife.	Yes.  A different wife.
-I don't care to bargain.  It's full of saffron, just in case you think I'm giving it to you to encourage your sewing.	That day, had you followed me to the market?
-That day, had you followed me to the market?	Of course.  You didn't need to slap my face to make me feel as if you'd slapped my face.
-Of course.  You didn't need to slap my face to make me feel as if you'd slapped my face.	Shall we be all right?
-Shall we be all right?	Yes.  Yes.  Absolutely.
-I'd better get back.  Say goodbye here.	I'm not agreeing.  Don't think I'm agreeing, because I'm not.
-I just know - any minute he'll find out, we'll barge into somebody we'll - and it will ill him.	Don't go over it again, please.
-I just wanted you to know. I'm not missing you yet. She nods, can't find this funny.	You will.  You will.
-Why did you hold his collar?	What?
-What?	What?  What?  That boy, that little boy, you were holding his collar, gripping his collar, what for?
-What?  What?  That boy, that little boy, you were holding his collar, gripping his collar, what for?	Would you let me pass?
-Would you let me pass?	Is he next?  Do you drag him into your little room?  Where is it?  Is this it?
-Is he next?  Do you drag him into your little room?  Where is it?  Is this it?	Don't do this.
-Don't do this.	I've watched you - on verandahs, at Garden Parties, at the Races - how can you stand there?  How can you ever smile?  As if your life hadn't capsized?
-I've watched you - on verandahs, at Garden Parties, at the Races - how can you stand there?  How can you ever smile?  As if your life hadn't capsized?	You know why? He tries to hold her. She resists
-You know why? He tries to hold her. She resists	Dance with me.
-Dance with me.	No.
-No.	Dance with me.  I want to touch you. I want the things which are mine. Which belong to me.
-Dance with me.  I want to touch you. I want the things which are mine. Which belong to me.	Do you think you're the only one who feels anything?  Is that what you think?
-Katharine!  Oh dear God, Katharine - what are you doing here?	I can't move.  I can't get out.
-Why did he bring you?	A surprise, he said.
-Please don't move me.  It hurts too much.	We've got to get you out of here.
-We've got to get you out of here.	It hurts too much.
-It hurts too much.	I know, darling, I'm sorry.
-Why did you hate me?	What?
-What?	Don't you know you drove everybody mad?
-Don't you know you drove everybody mad?	Don't talk.
-Don't talk.	You speak so many bloody languages and you never want to talk.
-You're wearing the thimble.	Of course.  You idiot.  I always wear it. I've always worn it.  I've always loved you.
-It's so cold.	I know.  I'm sorry.  I'll make a fire. I'll be back.
-I know.  I'm sorry.  I'll make a fire. I'll be back.	Don't leave me!
-Don't leave me!	I'm just going to find things for the fire.
-Shall we be all right?	Yes.  Absolutely.
-Yes.  Absolutely.	Oh dear.
-Oh dear.	Listen to me, Katharine.  You've broken your ankle and I'm going to have to try and bind it.  I think your wrist might be broken, too - and some ribs, which is why it's hurting you to breathe.  I'm going to have to walk to El Taj.  Given all the traffic in the desert these days I should bump into one army or another before I reach there - or Fenelon-Barnes and his camel.  And then I'll be back and we'll be fine, and I'll never leave you.
-Do you promise?  I wouldn't want to die here.  I wouldn't want to die in the desert. I've always had a rather elaborate funeral in mind, with particular hymns.  Very English.  And I know exactly where I want to be buried.  In our garden.  Where I grew up. With a view of the sea.  So promise me you'll come back for you.	I promise I'll come back.  I promise I'll never leave you.  And there's plenty of water and food. You can have a party.
-And a good read.  Don't waste it.	Thank you.  Will you bury Geoffrey?  I know he's dead.
-Thank you.  Will you bury Geoffrey?  I know he's dead.	I'm sorry, Katharine.
-I'm sorry, Katharine.	I know.
-I know.	Every night I cut out my heart but in the morning it was full again.
-Tell me about your garden.	Our Garden, our garden - not so much the garden, but the copse alongside it, wild, a secret way plunging down to the shore and then nothing but water between you and France.  The Devil's Chimney it was called -  The Devil's Chimney, I don't know why.  Darling.  My darling.
-A broken car?	Still a car.
-Uxoriousness - that's my favorite kind of love.  Excessive love of one's wife.	There you have me.
-What kind of photographs?	Portraits.  The Brigadier, the Brigadier's wife, the Brigadier's dogs, the Brigadier at the Pyramids, the Brigadier breathing.
-Safe journey.	You too.  Good luck!
-You too.  Good luck!	Clifton - your wife - do you think it's appropriate to leave her?
-Clifton - your wife - do you think it's appropriate to leave her?	Appropriate?
-Appropriate?	I think the desert is, it's - for a woman - it's very tough, I wonder if it's not too much for her.
-I think the desert is, it's - for a woman - it's very tough, I wonder if it's not too much for her.	Are you mad?  Katharine loves it here. She told me yesterday.
-Are you mad?  Katharine loves it here. She told me yesterday.	All the same, I, were I you I would be concerned -
-All the same, I, were I you I would be concerned -	I've known Katharine since she was three, my aunt is her aunt, we were practically brother and sister before we were man and wife.  I think I'd know what is and what isn't too much for her.  I think she's know herself.
-I've known Katharine since she was three, my aunt is her aunt, we were practically brother and sister before we were man and wife.  I think I'd know what is and what isn't too much for her.  I think she's know herself.	Very well.
-Very well.	Why are you people so threatened by a woman?!
-Have you seen Katharine?	What?
-What?	It's Geoffrey under this.
-It's Geoffrey under this.	I haven't, no.  Sorry.
-Oops!  Mustn't say International. Dirty word.  Filthy word.  His Majesty! Die Führer!  Il Duce.	Sorry, what's your point?
-Sorry, what's your point?	And the people here don't want us. Are you kidding?  The Egyptians are desperate to get rid of the Colonials…  - isn't that right? Their best people get down on hands and knees begging to be spared a knighthood.  Isn't that right?
-Good morning!	Could I trouble you for some water?
-Could I trouble you for some water?	Yes, of course.  So, golly, where have you come from?
-Yes, of course.  So, golly, where have you come from?	I desperately need a jeep.  There's been an accident.
-I desperately need a jeep.  There's been an accident.	I see.
-I see.	No, I'm not thinking clearly - I need a doctor too, to come with me, can I take this vehicle?  I'll pay, of course - and some morphine and…  Seventy miles - I can be back here by dusk.
-No, I'm not thinking clearly - I need a doctor too, to come with me, can I take this vehicle?  I'll pay, of course - and some morphine and…  Seventy miles - I can be back here by dusk.	Do you have your papers, sir?
-Do you have your papers, sir?	What?
-What?	If I could just see some identification.
-If I could just see some identification.	Am I not talking sense? -  forgive me, I'm, I've been walking, I've - there's a woman badly injured at Gilf Kebir, in the Cave of Swimmers.  I am a member of the Royal Geographical Society.
-Am I not talking sense? -  forgive me, I'm, I've been walking, I've - there's a woman badly injured at Gilf Kebir, in the Cave of Swimmers.  I am a member of the Royal Geographical Society.	Right.  And what's your name, sir?
-Right.  And what's your name, sir?	Count Laszlo de Almásy. The Officer is writing this down.  A glance at his Corporal.
-Count Laszlo de Almásy. The Officer is writing this down.  A glance at his Corporal.	Almásy - would you mind just spelling that for me?  What nationality would that be?
-Almásy - would you mind just spelling that for me?  What nationality would that be?	Look, listen to me.  A woman is dying - my wife! - is dying seventy miles from here.  I have been walking for three days!  I don't want to spell my name, I want you to give me this jeep!
-Look, listen to me.  A woman is dying - my wife! - is dying seventy miles from here.  I have been walking for three days!  I don't want to spell my name, I want you to give me this jeep!	I understand you are agitated - perhaps you would like to sit down while I radio back to HQ -
-I understand you are agitated - perhaps you would like to sit down while I radio back to HQ -	No!  NO!  Don't radio anybody, just give me the fucking jeep!
-What did you think you were doing in his tent?	Looking for the fossils.  Why should we wait until we're in London?  This girl was probably twelve years old.
-Looking for the fossils.  Why should we wait until we're in London?  This girl was probably twelve years old.	You shouldn't go into another man's tent. It's inexcusable.
-You shouldn't go into another man's tent. It's inexcusable.	Her hands and feet were tied.
-Her hands and feet were tied.	What did you do?
-What did you do?	I looked at them.  They're shrubs, small trees.  Exquisite.  And fossilized, rock hard. He walks away to the nose of the plane.
-I looked at them.  They're shrubs, small trees.  Exquisite.  And fossilized, rock hard. He walks away to the nose of the plane.	I was talking about the girl.
-I was talking about the girl.	Cut the ropes.  I left a note, on his blanket.  At the next Geographical Society I shall await with great interest the announcement of the Fenelon-Barnes Slave Knot.  The Girl wouldn't leave, of course.  Her father had sold her for a camel. He turns over the propeller, the engine cranks up.
-I'll be back as quick as I can. Thirty-six hours at the outside.	Try to get a second radiator, we'll bury it between here and the Pottery Hill. And a better jack. We planned badly.
-Try to get a second radiator, we'll bury it between here and the Pottery Hill. And a better jack. We planned badly.	Bermann!
-And I'm telling you there's nothing there to explore.	No, because you can't see from the air! If you could explore from the air life would be very simple!  Look!  What is that?  Is that a wadi? That whole spur is a real possibility
-No, because you can't see from the air! If you could explore from the air life would be very simple!  Look!  What is that?  Is that a wadi? That whole spur is a real possibility	Which we've overflown twice.
-Which we've overflown twice.	Which we couldn't explore because of rocks, because of cross-winds, it's sloppy.  And here - and here - we could be staring at Zerzura.
-And where are the Expedition Maps?	In my room.
-In my room.	Those maps belong to His Majesty's Government.  They're confidential. They shouldn't be left lying around for any Tom, Dick or Mary to have sight of.
-Those maps belong to His Majesty's Government.  They're confidential. They shouldn't be left lying around for any Tom, Dick or Mary to have sight of.	What's the matter with you?
-What's the matter with you?	Don't be so bloody naïve.  You know there's a war breaking out.  This arrived this morning.  By order of the British Government - all International Expeditions to be aborted by May 1939.
-Why do they care about our maps?	What do we find in the desert? Arrow heads, spears.  In a war, if you own the desert, you own North Africa.
-What do we find in the desert? Arrow heads, spears.  In a war, if you own the desert, you own North Africa.	Own the desert.
-I believe I'm rather late.	Good, we're all here?  A toast, to the International Sand club - may it soon resurface.
-Look, either shut up, or go home.	Absolutely right, shut up. Lashings of apologies all round.
-Had a letter from my wife.  The wisteria is still out, which I'm looking forward to.  She says Dorset is gripped with Invasion Fever.  Wrong coast I should have thought, still	Right.
-Right.	Bermann thinks he'll be interned, poor fellow.  I'm going to do what I can, but…  And D'Ag turns out to be a great admirer of Mussolini. So now you can say I told you so.
-Bermann thinks he'll be interned, poor fellow.  I'm going to do what I can, but…  And D'Ag turns out to be a great admirer of Mussolini. So now you can say I told you so.	I told you so.
-I told you so.	We didn't care about countries. Did we?  Brits, Arabs, Hungarians, Germans.  None of that mattered, did it?  It was something finer than that.
-We didn't care about countries. Did we?  Brits, Arabs, Hungarians, Germans.  None of that mattered, did it?  It was something finer than that.	Yes.  It was.  Thanks for the compass. I'll look after it for you.
-Yes.  It was.  Thanks for the compass. I'll look after it for you.	When's Clifton picking you up?
-When's Clifton picking you up?	Tomorrow afternoon.  Don't worry. I'll be ready.
-Tomorrow afternoon.  Don't worry. I'll be ready.	I'll leave the plane in the hangar at Kufra Oasis.  So if you need it…hard to know how long one's talking about.  We might all be back in a month or two.
-I have to teach myself not to read too much into everything.  Comes of too long having to read so much into hardly anything at all.	Goodbye, my friend. They shake hands.
-Goodbye, my friend. They shake hands.	May God make safety your companion.
-May God make safety your companion.	There is no God.  But I hope someone looks after you.
-Hey!  Hey!  Stop this jeep!  Let me out of here - there's a woman dying, there's a woman dying while I'm - Hey!	Shut-up!
-Shut-up!	Please - I beg you, I beg you, I beg you, please listen to me, this is a terrible mistake. Just stop, please, and listen to me.  My wife is dying.
-Please - I beg you, I beg you, I beg you, please listen to me, this is a terrible mistake. Just stop, please, and listen to me.  My wife is dying.	Listen, Fritz, if I have to listen to another word from you I'll give you a fucking good hiding.
-Listen, Fritz, if I have to listen to another word from you I'll give you a fucking good hiding.	Fritz?  What are you talking about? Who's Fritz?
-Fritz?  What are you talking about? Who's Fritz?	That's your name innit?  Count Fucking Arsehole Von Bismarck? What's that supposed to be then, Irish?
-How are you?	Okay.
-Okay.	Your leg will be fine.  A lot of shrapnel came out - I saved you the pieces.
-Your leg will be fine.  A lot of shrapnel came out - I saved you the pieces.	You're the prettiest girl I ever saw.
-No, I'll get you some tea. Wait till you're in Naples.  You'll find a girl there.	Just kiss me.  It would mean such a lot to me.
-Just kiss me.  It would mean such a lot to me.	Would it? She kisses him, very softly, on the lips.
-Would it? She kisses him, very softly, on the lips.	Thank you.
-David Caravaggio.	No.
-No.	Petty thief, six months imprisonment Kingston Penitentiary, 1937.
-Petty thief, six months imprisonment Kingston Penitentiary, 1937.	I keep explaining.  You've got the wrong man.  My name is Bellini - Antonio Bellini.  Bellini, Caravaggio, both painters, I think that is confusing you.
-Is this you?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	It is you.  This was taken in Cairo at British Headquarters - July 41. And so was this - August 41.  And this -February 42.
-It is you.  This was taken in Cairo at British Headquarters - July 41. And so was this - August 41.  And this -February 42.	It's impossible.  I was buying or selling something.  I've been to Cairo many times.
-It's impossible.  I was buying or selling something.  I've been to Cairo many times.	You are a Canadian spy working for the Allies.  Code-name Moose.
-Yes, I've been asking for weeks, a month, I don't know, also my leg was -	We don't have a doctor, but we do have a nurse.
-We don't have a doctor, but we do have a nurse.	A nurse?  Well, sure, a nurse is great. A nurse?  Great.
-Why is there so much nose?  I can't hear myself think!  Look - give me something.  So we can all get out of this room.  A name.  A code.  It's too hot.	I slept with the girl.  I've got a wife in Tripoli.  A girl comes up and points at you, you only see trouble.
-Well, you must know.  You were brought up Libya, yes?	Don't cut me.
-Don't cut me.	Or was it Toronto?
-Or was it Toronto?	Don't cut me.  Come on.
-Go!  Hey!  Go! Caravaggio is in terror.	Oh Jesus.  Oh Jesus Christ.
-Buon' Giorno! Hana turns, startled and suspicious.	Are you Hana?
-Are you Hana?	What do you want?
-What do you want?	I met your friend Mary.  She said I should stop and see if you were okay. Apparently we're neighbors - my house is two blocks from yours in Montreal. Cabot, north of Laurier.  Bonjour.
-I met your friend Mary.  She said I should stop and see if you were okay. Apparently we're neighbors - my house is two blocks from yours in Montreal. Cabot, north of Laurier.  Bonjour.	Bonjour.
-They're fresh.  I haven't eaten an egg in…have you noticed there are chickens? You get chickens in Italy but no eggs. In Africa there were always eggs, but never chickens. Who separates them?	You were in Africa?
-You were in Africa?	Yeah, for a while.
-Yeah, for a while.	So was my Patient.
-So was my Patient.	I'd like to stay.  That's the long and short of it.  I mean, you know blah-blah if it's convenient, if there's room blah-blah-blah.  I have to do some work here -I speak the language. There are Partisans to be -  -we embrace them and see if we can relieve them of their weapons, you know - while we hug.  I was a thief, so they think I'd be good at that.
-I'd like to stay.  That's the long and short of it.  I mean, you know blah-blah if it's convenient, if there's room blah-blah-blah.  I have to do some work here -I speak the language. There are Partisans to be -  -we embrace them and see if we can relieve them of their weapons, you know - while we hug.  I was a thief, so they think I'd be good at that.	So you can shoot a pistol?
-So you can shoot a pistol?	No.
-No.	If you said yes I would have had a reason.  You should let me redress those bandages.  Before you go.
-If you said yes I would have had a reason.  You should let me redress those bandages.  Before you go.	I'm okay.  Look, it's a big house. We needn't disturb each other.  I can shoot a pistol!  I'll sleep in the stables.  I don't care where I sleep.  I don't sleep.
-I'm okay.  Look, it's a big house. We needn't disturb each other.  I can shoot a pistol!  I'll sleep in the stables.  I don't care where I sleep.  I don't sleep.	Because we're fine here.  I don't know what Mary told you about me, but I don't need company, I don't need to be looked at.
-Because we're fine here.  I don't know what Mary told you about me, but I don't need company, I don't need to be looked at.	Fine.  I'm not looking.
-Supper. Hana calls after him.	Where've you been?
-Where've you been?	Rabbit hunting.
-I could help you.  I could get you off that.	Can you cook the rabbit or will you try and bring that back to life?
-It's a week.  We didn't know where you were - or if you coming back, or -	You should be happy.  What were you going to do for him when it ran out? He pulls out more phials from his jacket.
-You should be happy.  What were you going to do for him when it ran out? He pulls out more phials from his jacket.	What do you do?  What are you doing here?
-What do you do?  What are you doing here?	Some gave me a dress.  You know what's great?  What I'm learning? You win a war and you not only gain the miles you get the moral ground. Everywhere I go, we're in the right. I like that.
-Hana?  Hana?  Are you alright?	Don't touch me if you're going to try and fuck me.
-Don't touch me if you're going to try and fuck me.	I'll have some of your water.  It's hot.
-You have to protect yourself from sadness.  This is the thing I've learned.  You're in love with him, aren't you? Your patient.  Do you think he's a saint or something?  Because of the way he looks?  I don't think he is.	I'm not in love with him.  I'm in love with ghosts.  And so is he. He's in love with ghosts.
-I'm not in love with him.  I'm in love with ghosts.  And so is he. He's in love with ghosts.	Who are his ghosts?
-Who are his ghosts?	Ask him.
-Ask him.	What if I told you he did this to me?
-What if I told you he did this to me?	What?  How could he have?  When?
-What?  How could he have?  When?	I'm one of his ghosts and he wouldn't even know.  It's like he slammed a door in Cairo and it trapped my fucking hands in Tobruk.
-I'm one of his ghosts and he wouldn't even know.  It's like he slammed a door in Cairo and it trapped my fucking hands in Tobruk.	I don't know what that means.
-I don't know what that means.	Ask him.  Ask your saint who he is. Ask him who he's killed.
-Ask him.  Ask your saint who he is. Ask him who he's killed.	Please don't creep around this house.
-Where did you find that?	I liberated it.
-I liberated it.	I think that's called looting.
-I think that's called looting.	No-one should own music.  The real question is who wrote the song?
-Well, then ask him his name!	What's happened?  Kip!  What's happening? Don't shoot, please, don't shoot anybody.
-Buon' giorno.	She can take you as far as Florence.
-She can take you as far as Florence.	I can get in the back.
-Hello.	Finally!  So you're our Canadian pickpocket?
-Thief, I think, is more accurate.	I understand you were in Africa. Whereabouts?
-I understand you were in Africa. Whereabouts?	Oh, all over.
-Oh, all over.	All over?  I kept trying to cover a very modest portion and still failed.  Are you leaving us?  Now's our opportunity to swap war wounds.
-I think anybody she ever loves tends to die on her.	Are you planning to be the exception?
-Are you planning to be the exception?	Me?  You've got the wrong end of the stick, old boy.  So - Caravaggio - Hana thinks you invented your name.
-Me?  You've got the wrong end of the stick, old boy.  So - Caravaggio - Hana thinks you invented your name.	And you've forgotten yours.
-And you've forgotten yours.	I told her you would never invent such a preposterous name.
-I told her you would never invent such a preposterous name.	I told her you can forget everything but you never forget your name.
-Are you outside? A beat and then Caravaggio shuffles in.  Like an old boxer.	I can't hide anymore.  I breathe like a dog.  I lose my balance.  Stealing's got harder. Caravaggio stares at the Herodotus.
-I can't hide anymore.  I breathe like a dog.  I lose my balance.  Stealing's got harder. Caravaggio stares at the Herodotus.	Why do I feel if I had your book I would know everything?
-Why do I feel if I had your book I would know everything?	I don't even know if it is my book. The Bedouin found it in the plane, in the wreckage.  It's mine now. I heard your breathing and thought it might be rain. I'm dying for rain - of course I'm dying anyway - but I long to feel rain on my face.
-Is it you?  If I said Moose… I look different, fuck, why shouldn't you?	Moose.
-Moose.	First wedding anniversary - what do you call it?
-First wedding anniversary - what do you call it?	I don't know.  Paper.  Is it? Paper?  I don't remember.
-Thought you'd never wake up!	What? Hana comes in, sleepily, frowns at the gramophone.
-Irving Berlin.	For?
-For?	Top Hat.
-Top Hat.	Is there a song you don't know?
-Have a drink.	I've had a drink.  Fatal.
-I've had a drink.  Fatal.	Well, anything you do is likely to be fatal, so you know -
-Well, anything you do is likely to be fatal, so you know -	Very true!
-What?  You and Madox?  Or you and Katharine Clifton?	What?
-Hana tells me you're leaving.	There are going to be trials, they want me to interpret, don't they know I'm allergic to courtrooms?
-There are going to be trials, they want me to interpret, don't they know I'm allergic to courtrooms?	We shall miss you.
-So, I come across the Hospital Convoy  I was looking for this stuff, and some nurse, Mary, Hana's friend, tells me about you and Hana, hiding in a monastery, in purdah, whatever it is - retreat -  how you'd come in from the Desert and you were burned and you didn't know your name but you knew the words to every song there was and you had one possession -  - a copy of Herodotus - and it was full of letters and cuttings, and then I knew it must be you.	Me?
-Me?	I'd seen you writing in that book. At the Embassy in Cairo, when I had thumbs and you had a face. And a name.
-I'd seen you writing in that book. At the Embassy in Cairo, when I had thumbs and you had a face. And a name.	I see.
-I see.	Before you went over to the Germans, before you got Rommel's spy across the desert and inside British headquarters. He took some pretty good photographs - I saw mine in that torture room in Tobruk, so they made an impression.
-Before you went over to the Germans, before you got Rommel's spy across the desert and inside British headquarters. He took some pretty good photographs - I saw mine in that torture room in Tobruk, so they made an impression.	And you thought you'd come and settle the score?
-And you thought you'd come and settle the score?	You were the only man who knew the desert well enough, the only man who would cross seventeen hundred miles of nothing.
-You were the only man who knew the desert well enough, the only man who would cross seventeen hundred miles of nothing.	I had to get back to the desert. I made a promise.  The rest meant nothing to me.
-I had to get back to the desert. I made a promise.  The rest meant nothing to me.	What did you say?
-What did you say?	The rest meant nothing to me.
-The rest meant nothing to me.	There was a result to what you did. It wasn't just another expedition.  It did this.  If the British hadn't unearthed your nosey photographer in Cairo thousands of people could have died.
-There was a result to what you did. It wasn't just another expedition.  It did this.  If the British hadn't unearthed your nosey photographer in Cairo thousands of people could have died.	Thousands of people did die, just different people.
-Thousands of people did die, just different people.	But you were among the British, they were your friends - why betray them?
-But you were among the British, they were your friends - why betray them?	Is that what you thought?  That I betrayed the British?  The British betrayed me.  The British betrayed me.
-And did you never see Katharine? You never got back to the Cave?	Yes, I got back there finally to keep my promise.  To come back for her. And then of course I couldn't… I couldn't even do that properly.
-You get to the morning and the poison leaks away, doesn't it? Black nights, fucking black nights, when you want to howl like a dog. I thought I would kill you.  You killed my friends, you ruined my hands.  But the girl was always here, like some Guardian Angel.	You can't kill me.  I died years ago.
-You can't kill me.  I died years ago.	No, now I can't kill you.
-But then the Queen looked up and saw Gyges concealed in the shadows. And though she said nothing, she shuddered. The next day she sent for Gyges and challenged him.  And hearing his story, she said this -	Off with his head!
-The team is in mourning, darling.	Oh really?
-I was just saying, I'm going to cable Downing Street, see if I can't stir up a few shillings - Katharine's mother and the PM's wife are best -	Darling, for goodness' sake!
-Darling, for goodness' sake!	Well, she is!
-Why do you think?  About my staying?	Well look, if nobody minds, truly, then I suppose - I shall, of course, be bereft
-Well look, if nobody minds, truly, then I suppose - I shall, of course, be bereft	Oh.
-Oh.	But finally able to explore the Cairo night-life. I shall produce an authoritative guide to the Zinc Bars and - I want to say Harems - am I in the right country for Harems?
-Darling, I just heard.  You poor sausage, are you all right?	I'm fine.  I got hot.
-I'm fine.  I got hot.	Lady H said she thought you might be -
-Lady H said she thought you might be -	I'm not pregnant.  I'm hot.  I'm too hot.
-I'm not pregnant.  I'm hot.  I'm too hot.	Right.
-Right.	Aren't you?
-Aren't you?	Sweltering.  Come on, I'll take you home.
-Sweltering.  Come on, I'll take you home.	Can't we really go home?  I can't breathe. Aren't you dying for green, anything green, or rain, wouldn't you die to feel rain on your face? It's Christmas and it's all - I don't know - if you asked me I'd go home tomorrow.  If you wanted.
-Can't we really go home?  I can't breathe. Aren't you dying for green, anything green, or rain, wouldn't you die to feel rain on your face? It's Christmas and it's all - I don't know - if you asked me I'd go home tomorrow.  If you wanted.	Sweetheart, you know we can't go home, there might be a war.
-Sweetheart, you know we can't go home, there might be a war.	Geoffrey, you do so love putting on a disguise.
-Geoffrey, you do so love putting on a disguise.	I do so love you.  What do you smell of?
-I do so love you.  What do you smell of?	What?
-What?	Marzipan!  I think you've got marzipan in your hair.  No wonder you're homesick.
-Marvelous plane.  Did you look?	Isn't it?  Wedding present from Katharine's parents.  I'm calling it Rupert Bear.  Hello.  Geoffrey Clifton.
-Isn't it?  Wedding present from Katharine's parents.  I'm calling it Rupert Bear.  Hello.  Geoffrey Clifton.	We can finally consign my old bird to the scrapheap. Almásy smiles and walks on towards the others.
-I think you know all of us, except for Geoffrey and Katharine Clifton, who've recently come out from England.	Apprentices.
-Apprentices.	This is Clive Fenelon-Barnes.
-Of course.  Well, we should all go out onto the terrace.	Oh no, really.  She has her book.
-Oh no, really.  She has her book.	I won't hear of it.  None of us will.
-Good heavens, are you married, Madox?	Very much so.  We are all, save my friend here.
-And a special thank you to Geoffrey and Katharine, without whose fund raising heroics we should still be kicking our heels. They toast the Cliftons.	To arm-twisting.
-To arm-twisting.	Did Katharine say? - Geoffrey has to fly back to Cairo.
-Did Katharine say? - Geoffrey has to fly back to Cairo.	Have to return the favor - take a few photographs for the army.
-There was a Prince, who was dying, and he was carried up the tower at Pisa so he could die with a view of the Tuscan Hills. Am I that Prince? Hana laughs.	Because you're leaning?  No, you're just on an angle.  You're too heavy!
-What was all the banging?  Were you fighting rats or the entire German army?	I was repairing the stairs.  I found a library and the books were very useful.
-Before you find too many uses for these books would you read some to me?	I think they're all in Italian, but I'll look, yes.  What about your own book?
-I think they're all in Italian, but I'll look, yes.  What about your own book?	My book?  The Herodotus?  Yes, we can read him.
-Oh - I've found plums.  We have plums in the orchard.  We have an orchard! She has peeled a plum and now slips it into his mouth.	Thank you.
-I will hide you in the room where we sleep, said Candaules. She stumbles over the word.	Candaules
-Candaules	Candaules…you're laughing at me.
-Candaules…you're laughing at me.	I'm not laughing at you.  Go on, please.
-I'm not laughing at you.  Go on, please.	When my wife comes to lie down she always lays her garments one by one on a seat near the entrance of the room, and from where you stand you will be able to gaze on her at your leisure
-Are you asleep?	Yes.  Dropping off.
-I should try and move your bed.  I want you to be able to see the view.  It's good, it's a view from a monastery.	I can already see.
-I can already see.	How?  How can you see anything?
-How?  How can you see anything?	Not the window - I can't bear the light anyway - no, I can see all the way to the desert.  I've found the lost fossils.
-Not the window - I can't bear the light anyway - no, I can see all the way to the desert.  I've found the lost fossils.	I'm turning you.
-Zerzura, the White City of Acacias, the Oasis of Little Birds.  As me about the scent of acacia - it's in this room.  I can smell it.  The taste of tea so black it falls into your mouth.  I can taste it. I'm chewing the mint.  Is there sand in my eyes?  Are you cleaning sand from my ears?	No sand.  That's your drugs speaking.
-No sand.  That's your drugs speaking.	I can see my wife in that view.
-I can see my wife in that view.	Are you remembering more?
-Are you remembering more?	Could I have a cigarette?
-Could I have a cigarette?	Are you crazy?
-Are you crazy?	Why are you so determined to keep me alive?
-Why are you so determined to keep me alive?	Because I'm a nurse.
-There's a man downstairs.  He brought us eggs.  He might stay.	Why?  Can he lay eggs?
-Why?  Can he lay eggs?	He's Canadian.
-He's Canadian.	Why are people always so happy when they collide with someone from the same place?  What happened in Montreal when you passed a man in the street - did you invite him to live with you?
-Why are people always so happy when they collide with someone from the same place?  What happened in Montreal when you passed a man in the street - did you invite him to live with you?	He needn't disturb you.
-He needn't disturb you.	Me?  He can't.  I'm already disturbed.
-Me?  He can't.  I'm already disturbed.	He won't disturb us then.  I think he's after morphine.  There's a war.  Where you come from becomes important.  And besides - we're vulnerable here. I keep hearing noises in the night. Voices.
-Excuse me -	Yes?
-Yes?	Can I ask - my friend, can he come in? Just for a few minutes?
-Can I ask - my friend, can he come in? Just for a few minutes?	Your friend?
-Your friend?	He's going back to the front this evening.  I can't see him otherwise.
-He's going back to the front this evening.  I can't see him otherwise.	Just go off.  I'll be quite all right.
-Just go off.  I'll be quite all right.	No, I can't go, but if it, if you weren't offended, it would be very good of you to allow us - every other cabin is crammed. This is as private as we'll get.
-No, I can't go, but if it, if you weren't offended, it would be very good of you to allow us - every other cabin is crammed. This is as private as we'll get.	Well then - yes.  Of course.
-Well then - yes.  Of course.	Thank you.  Thank you.
-This is Captain McGann.	Please, don't waste your time on pleasantries -
-Something smells so rich.  My stomach is heaving -	He came back, he says he caught a rabbit.  I'm cooking it.
-He came back, he says he caught a rabbit.  I'm cooking it.	That's a different dress.
-That's a different dress.	He keeps asking me questions about you. Do you know him?  Do you recognize him?
-He keeps asking me questions about you. Do you know him?  Do you recognize him?	Do I recognize him?  I recognize what he is. I like him.  He's Canadian.  He can read Italian.  He can catch rabbits.
-Could I ask you to move?  I'm sorry - but when you turn, the sheets, I can't really bear the sheets moving over me. Sorry.	Yes, of course, I'm so sorry. Stupid of me. Hana gets up, upset to have hurt him.
-Tell me about this, this is in your handwriting - December 22nd - Betrayals in war are childlike compared with our betrayals during peace.  New lovers are nervous and tender, but smash everything - for the heart is an organ of fire…  I love that, I believe that.  Who is K?	K is for Katharine.
-He wants us to move out, says there could be fifty more mines in the building. He thinks I'm mad because I laughed at him.  He's Indian, he wears a turban.	Sikh.  If he wears a turban, he's a Sikh.
-I'll probably marry him.	Really?  That's sudden.
-Really?  That's sudden.	My mother always told me I would summon my husband by playing the piano.
-I liked it better when there were just the two of us.	Why?  Is he staying?
-Why?  Is he staying?	With his Sergeant.  A Mr. Hardy.
-With his Sergeant.  A Mr. Hardy.	We should charge!  Doesn't anyone have a job to do?
-We should charge!  Doesn't anyone have a job to do?	They have to clear all the local roads of mines.  That's a big job. They won't stay in the house. They're putting up their tent in the garden.
-They have to clear all the local roads of mines.  That's a big job. They won't stay in the house. They're putting up their tent in the garden.	In that case, I suppose we can't charge.
-Good morning.  Did you know that?  You're always singing?	I've been told that before.
-I've been told that before.	Kip's another one.
-Arguing about books.	Condensed milk - one of the truly great inventions.
-You like him, don't you?  Your voice changes.	I don't think it does.  Anyway, he's indifferent to me.
-I don't think it does.  Anyway, he's indifferent to me.	I don't think it's indifference.
-Hana was just telling me that you were indifferent -	Hey! -
-Hey! -	- to her cooking.
-I'm still here.	You'd better be.
-You'd better be.	Don't depend on it.  Will you? That little bit of air, each day there's less of it, which is al right, which is quite all right.
-Why don't you go?  You should sleep.	Would you like me to?
-Who knows the Bosphorus Hug?	Never heard of it.
-Never heard of it.	That was a dance we invented at the International Sand Club.
-There's meant to be lace in the next village - the boys are taking me.	I'm not sewing anything else.
-I'm not sewing anything else.	You don't have any money, do you? Just in case there's silk.
-You don't have any money, do you? Just in case there's silk.	No!
-No!	Hana, I know you do!
-I'm not sewing anything else for you!	I love you.
-Excuse me.  Yes?  I don't have the key to that door.	The Germans were here.  The Germans were all over this area.  They left mines everywhere.  Pianos were their favorite hiding places.
-The Germans were here.  The Germans were all over this area.  They left mines everywhere.  Pianos were their favorite hiding places.	I see.  Then may be you're safe as long as you only play Bach.  He's German. Kip is looking around the piano. Hana giggles.
-I see.  Then may be you're safe as long as you only play Bach.  He's German. Kip is looking around the piano. Hana giggles.	Is something funny?
-Is something funny?	No, but, no, not at all.  I'm sorry. You came to the doors, that's all and -  - such good manners for someone worried about mines.  That's all.
-No, but, no, not at all.  I'm sorry. You came to the doors, that's all and -  - such good manners for someone worried about mines.  That's all.	I've met you before.
-I've met you before.	I don't think so.
-Try this.  I found a great jar of it. Olive oil.  In Naples this was so precious it would have bought you a wife.	Thank you.
-For my hair?	Yes, for your hair.
-I'll get another tin. Hana and the Patient are alone.	I didn't like that book either. It's all about men.  Too many men. Just like this house.
-It's okay - I'll help.  Please.	The mines, the wires, there's a trick. Some explode if you stretch the wires, some if you cut them.
-The mines, the wires, there's a trick. Some explode if you stretch the wires, some if you cut them.	What do I do?
-What do I do?	There's a mine here, but the others are far enough away, I think at least to give me a chance.  I have to work out which one to cut before I fall over.
-There's a mine here, but the others are far enough away, I think at least to give me a chance.  I have to work out which one to cut before I fall over.	So I follow the wires?
-So I follow the wires?	You get Hardy.
-You get Hardy.	I follow the wires.
-Why would anyone do this?	I've done this.  I've had to do this.
-What is this business with you and explosives?  Do you think you're immune?	I promise you that was the right thing to do.  He's my good luck.  Now cut.  This one.  I hope we don't die.
-I promise you that was the right thing to do.  He's my good luck.  Now cut.  This one.  I hope we don't die.	Okay.  Get away from here.  Quick.
-Okay.  Get away from here.  Quick.	I'm not scared.  So many people have died around me.  But I would be a shame for us.  I don't feel like being shy.
-I'm not scared.  So many people have died around me.  But I would be a shame for us.  I don't feel like being shy.	You must get away.  Before I cut. I'm not cutting if you're here. He's struggling.  He's going to topple over if he cuts.
-You must get away.  Before I cut. I'm not cutting if you're here. He's struggling.  He's going to topple over if he cuts.	Actually, you can't cut, can you? You'll fall over.  Give me the pliers.
-Actually, you can't cut, can you? You'll fall over.  Give me the pliers.	No. But he hands them over.
-No. But he hands them over.	Kiss me.  Before I cut.  Just in case.
-Kiss me.  Before I cut.  Just in case.	Don't talk.  Check again.  Lie flat and then cut.
-Don't go.  I'm frightened.  I can love a coward, I can't love another dead man.	This is what I do.  I do this every day.
-Kip - come and dance with me	Yes.  Later.
-I was thinking yesterday - yesterday! - the Patient, Hardy: they're everything that's good about England. I couldn't even say what that was. We didn't exchange two personal words, and we've been together through some terrible things, some -  he was engaged to a girl in the village! - I mean -  and us - he never once… He didn't ask me if I could spin the ball at cricket or the kamasutra or - I don't even know what I'm talking about.	You loved him.
-If one night I didn't come to the tent, what would you do?	I try not to expect you.
-I try not to expect you.	But if it got late and I hadn't shown up?
-But if it got late and I hadn't shown up?	Then I'd think there must be a reason.
-Then I'd think there must be a reason.	You wouldn't come to find me?  That makes me never want to come here. But she continues unraveling the turban.
-What are you up to?	That gun at Lahor, Kipling's cannon - Zamzammah - remember?  That was made out of the metal of ordinary things. I want to make an ordinary thing out of guns. His bayonet is thrust into the forge.  It's red hot.
-That gun at Lahor, Kipling's cannon - Zamzammah - remember?  That was made out of the metal of ordinary things. I want to make an ordinary thing out of guns. His bayonet is thrust into the forge.  It's red hot.	When I went to England I was amazed at what went on, the waste - I'd been taught to re-use everything, the dung from a cow to cool a radiator, a fork to fix a typewriter - India could live for a hundred years on what I saw thrown away.
-When I went to England I was amazed at what went on, the waste - I'd been taught to re-use everything, the dung from a cow to cool a radiator, a fork to fix a typewriter - India could live for a hundred years on what I saw thrown away.	I should go to the house, get breakfast.
-I should go to the house, get breakfast.	The lamp was burning all night in his room.  Caravaggio was there with him.
-This is hot!	Nya-nya-nya!
-Will you come with me?	Of course.  When?
-Of course.  When?	I mean home.  India.
-I mean home.  India.	Kip… I -
-Kip… I -	I know - here I am always a brown man, there you would be always a white woman.
-I know - here I am always a brown man, there you would be always a white woman.	Is that what you think?  Is that what you think I think?
-Is that what you think?  Is that what you think I think?	It's what I've learned.
-It's what I've learned.	I'm thinking about your heart, not your skin.  And how to reach it. And that I don't think I can.  A bomb has ruined us, just not the bomb I thought would ruin us.
-I've clung to you.  I've clung to you. Kip.  Life  a raft.	Then come with me.
-I'll always go back to that church. Look at my painting.	I'll always go back to that church.
-I'll always go back to that church.	So one day we'll meet.
-The war's over - you told me yourself. How can it be desertion?	It's not over everywhere.  I didn't mean literally.
-It's not over everywhere.  I didn't mean literally.	When he dies I'll catch up.
-It's not safe here.  The whole country's crawling with Bandits and Germans and God knows what.  It's madness.  I can't allow it. You're not, this is natural - it's shock. For all of us.  Hana -	I need morphine.  A lot.  And a pistol.
-I need morphine.  A lot.  And a pistol.	And what if he really is a spy?
-And what if he really is a spy?	He can't even move.
-He can't even move.	If anything happened to you I'd never forgive myself.
-Why Picton?	He's from there - edge of Lake Ontario right, Soldier?
-Third Canadian Fusiliers.	Does he know a Captain McGann? The boy hears this, whispers to Oliver.
-He's gone, hasn't he?	No.  He's - no.
-No.  He's - no.	Oh God.  Oh God.
-Hello.	Hello miss.
-Hello miss.	I was going to say - if you want to eat with us, ever… you and Lieutenant Singh
-I was going to say - if you want to eat with us, ever… you and Lieutenant Singh	Very kind of you, we can always eat in the town with the others -
-Very kind of you, we can always eat in the town with the others -	Since Caravaggio turned up - food seems to appear, so please.
-Since Caravaggio turned up - food seems to appear, so please.	I'll ask the Lieutenant.  But thank you.
-I'll ask the Lieutenant.  But thank you.	You saved my life.  I haven't forgotten.  I thought you were very very tall. You seemed to big - a Giant - and I felt like a child who can't keep her balance.
-You saved my life.  I haven't forgotten.  I thought you were very very tall. You seemed to big - a Giant - and I felt like a child who can't keep her balance.	A toddler
-I was looking for the Lieutenant Singh.	He's sleeping.
-He's sleeping.	Only we have to go to work.
-Only we have to go to work.	I'll tell him.  What is it?  Is it a mine?
-I'll tell him.  What is it?  Is it a mine?	A bomb.  At the Viaduct. She closes the door, then reappears.
-A bomb.  At the Viaduct. She closes the door, then reappears.	Does he have to go?
-Does he have to go?	Pardon me?
-Pardon me?	What if you couldn't find him…?  Sergeant, not today, please. Not this morning.
-Whoa - give me a chance!	Sorry.  I took a Benzedrine.
-I've got a surprise.  A boat!  We can go to Capri.  It's got a cabin, it's private.	I'd like to spend a night with you in a bed.
-I'd like to spend a night with you in a bed.	We can do that when we're very, very old.
-You've got a mustache.	A bit of one.
-A bit of one.	I was looking forward to this evening.
-I was looking forward to this evening.	I had a hotel room.
-I had a hotel room.	I thought that was for when we were very very old?
-I thought that was for when we were very very old?	I'm feeling old.
-Hey!  Hey!  Stop!  Hey!	Don't move!  Stand ABSOLUTELY STILL! Hana stops.
-What's happening?  Am I needed?	I'm afraid so, sir. Kip hurries to his tent.  Hana follows him.
-You've got to cut, sir, that frost won't last.	Go away.
-Go away.	Yessir.
-Yessir.	This is making me incredibly angry.
-Your book.  Your Herodotus! Almásy looks uncomfortable.	It doesn't matter.  Really.  I think I can muddle through.  Okay - The Story of Candaules and Gyges. King Candaules was passionately in love with his wife -  One day he said to Gyges, the son of somebody, anyway - his favorite warrior -
-Mrs. Clifton, you'll have to forgive us.  We're not accustomed to the company of women.	Not at all.  I was thoroughly enjoying by book.  Please.  Signor D'Agostino, Herr Bermann.
-I'm afraid we're not having much luck obtaining funds for the expedition.	How awful.  What will you do?
-How awful.  What will you do?	A more modest expedition, or even wait a year.  Remind our families we still exist.
-Darling, Peter says I could stay	Why not?
-Certainly not.	I insist.  There clearly isn't room for us all, I'm the least able to dig, and I'm not one of the walking wounded. Those are facts.  Besides, if I remain it's the most effective method of persuading my husband to abandon whatever he's doing and rescue us. It's hard to argue with this logic.
-Katharine!	Coming.  I can't sleep.  I woke up shouting in the middle of the night. Geoffrey thinks it's the thing in the desert, the trauma.
-You should sit down, darling.  She's quite all right.  Are you pregnant?	I don't think so.
-I don't think so.	How romantic.  With Fiona I fell over every five minutes.  Ronnie Christened me Lady Downfall.
-How romantic.  With Fiona I fell over every five minutes.  Ronnie Christened me Lady Downfall.	I think I might go inside and sit down for a few minutes.
-I think I might go inside and sit down for a few minutes.	I'll come with you.
-I'll come with you.	No, please.  I shall be absolutely fine. They pass Almásy, who doesn't look up from his book.
-Brick platform opposite the old Ajaib-Gher -	- The Wonder House comma as the natives called the Lahore Museum.
-- The Wonder House comma as the natives called the Lahore Museum.	It's still there, the cannon, outside the museum. It was made of metal cups and bowls taken from every household in the city as tax, then melted down. Then later they fired the cannon at my people - comma - The natives.
-It's still there, the cannon, outside the museum. It was made of metal cups and bowls taken from every household in the city as tax, then melted down. Then later they fired the cannon at my people - comma - The natives.	So what do you really object to - the writer or what he's writing about?
-So what do you really object to - the writer or what he's writing about?	What I really object to, Uncle, is your finishing all my condensed milk.  And the message everywhere in your book - however slowly I read it - that the best destiny for India is to be ruled by the British.
-What I really object to, Uncle, is your finishing all my condensed milk.  And the message everywhere in your book - however slowly I read it - that the best destiny for India is to be ruled by the British.	Hana, we have discovered a shared please - the boy and I.
-This is wonderful!	What's he saying?
-Kip?	I looked up to you, Uncle.  My brother always said I was a fool. Never trust the British, he said: the deal-makers, the map-makers; never shake hands with them.
-I looked up to you, Uncle.  My brother always said I was a fool. Never trust the British, he said: the deal-makers, the map-makers; never shake hands with them.	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	What have I been doing all this time? Do you know how many mines I've seen? - more mines than there are soldiers, more - how many mines we've put in the ground ourselves, stuffed in corpses, dropped out of the sky.  And now this.
-They're excited!  They're happy about destroying a whole city. Would they do that to a White Man's City?  Never!	Go on, do it.  I don't need to hear any more.
-What about your rank or serial number?	No.  I think I was a pilot.  I was found near the wreckage of a plane by the Bedouin.  I was with them for some time.
-Am I being interrogated?  You should be trying to trick me.  Ask me about Tottenham Hotspur.  Or Buckingham Palace. About Marmite - I was addicted.  Or make me speak German, which I can, by the way.	Why?  Are you German?
-Why?  Are you German?	No.
-No.	How do you know you're not German if you don't remember anything?
-How do you know you're not German if you don't remember anything?	You tell me.  I remember a lot of things. I remember a garden, plunging down to the sea - the Devil's Chimney we called it - and there was a cottage at the bottom, right on the shore, nothing between you and France.
-You tell me.  I remember a lot of things. I remember a garden, plunging down to the sea - the Devil's Chimney we called it - and there was a cottage at the bottom, right on the shore, nothing between you and France.	This was your garden?
-This was your garden?	Or my wife's.
-Or my wife's.	Then you were married?
-Then you were married?	I think so.  Although I believe that to be true of a number of Germans. Might I have a glass of water?
-Where were you? I called at 4:30 this morning.	There are times when you don't answer the phone.
-You didn't answer the beeper either.	I hardly knew the guy. Why be impolite to strangers?
-I hardly knew the guy. Why be impolite to strangers?	I don't recall authorizing you to have a personal life.
-I don't recall authorizing you to have a personal life.	I don't recall asking your permission.
-A thief this good could handle the sensors in the rooms. What we don't get is how he effectuated his entry.	Through a window.
-Through a window.	The windows don't open.
-The windows don't open.	Entry through the doors or vents triggers instant alarm.
-So he popped the pane?	Bingo.
-That's great if you're a computer. In the real world that pane weighs 200 pounds. The building's 600 feet high.	He unscrewed the bolts, reset them on rollers, then slid the whole frame away. No more effort than it takes to vacuum a floor.
-He unscrewed the bolts, reset them on rollers, then slid the whole frame away. No more effort than it takes to vacuum a floor.	Interesting theory. Where's the proof?
-You ordering chop suey again?	Let a thousand flowers bloom. Chairman Mao.
-Meaning--	Meaning no one arranges calalilies like that. He left the window open when he came in. His only mistake.
-And the draft blew over the flowers.	Put the bolts on that window under a scope, I'm betting you'll find wrench scratches on them.
-Mac's signature.	Give me a break. Remember Manzini? When he stole Montezuma's scepter he left a Pepto Bismal bottle. The best ones always copy Mac.
-Give me a break. Remember Manzini? When he stole Montezuma's scepter he left a Pepto Bismal bottle. The best ones always copy Mac.	You're saying the thief wants us to think it's Mac but it's really not.
-You're saying the thief wants us to think it's Mac but it's really not.	Exactly.
-They've never caught him before, what makes you think they'll catch him now?	You got a better idea?
-You got a better idea?	Yeah. Me.
-We've got to catch him in the act.	Why didn't I think of that?
-Why didn't I think of that?	It's not the thinking of it, it's the doing it.
-It's not the thinking of it, it's the doing it.	With that computer--nobody better. Out there...it's different. You twisted your ankle stepping over a curb on Madison Avenue.
-I've been following this guy for years. I'm your best shot.	How would you approach him? Hello, Mr. MacDougal, I'm Gin, would you steal a painting with me?
-How would you approach him? Hello, Mr. MacDougal, I'm Gin, would you steal a painting with me?	I'd need an introduction. From someone he trusts. Someone who owes us a favor.
-That's doable.	And a target guaranteed to catch his interest.
-And a target guaranteed to catch his interest.	Which you have in mind.
-You don't call, you don't write.	This was my first excuse to get away. I can't exactly use my cell phone.
-This was my first excuse to get away. I can't exactly use my cell phone.	Yeah yeah yeah. What's the status?
-Yeah yeah yeah. What's the status?	We're getting close.
-We're getting close.	How close?
-How close?	I don't know, but close.
-I don't know, but close.	This is dangerous. I'm sending backup.
-This is dangerous. I'm sending backup.	You, want to blow the whole thing, go right ahead.
-You, want to blow the whole thing, go right ahead.	Don't overestimate yourself.
-Don't overestimate yourself.	Look, trust me. I know what I'm doing.
-Look, trust me. I know what I'm doing.	Where are you at least?
-Where are you at least?	I'll send you a postcard. Got to go.
-Gin? Where the hell are you?	I'm in the middle.
-I'm in the middle.	In the middle? You've got the Mask, why don't we have him?
-In the middle? You've got the Mask, why don't we have him?	He's on to something bigger.
-He's on to something bigger.	Listen to me. Whatever you're doing, stop. Pull out.
-Listen to me. Whatever you're doing, stop. Pull out.	Too late now.
-Too late now.	Tell me where you are, or just leave the line open so I can trace you.
-Tell me where you are, or just leave the line open so I can trace you.	I'm going to get him, I promise you.
-I have a question...	Who am I?
-Who am I?	That is of no interest.
-Why are we speaking Chinese?	Uh. I'm showing off.
-Uh. I'm showing off.	A billion people speak Chinese. Don't be too impressed with yourself. As for that scroll, I can resell it for double. In 30 minutes.
-A billion people speak Chinese. Don't be too impressed with yourself. As for that scroll, I can resell it for double. In 30 minutes.	No you can't.
-No you can't.	I can't?
-I can't?	It's sold.
-How about if I try humility.	How about if you try disappearing.
-Mr. MacDougal.	You're like malaria. Once you get it, you can't get rid of it.
-I'm sorry about the scroll, but sometimes you have to lose to win.	Where did you hear that, one of those American talk shows?  Check, please.
-Where did you hear that, one of those American talk shows?  Check, please.	I don't want to waste your time.
-I don't want to waste your time.	Then don't.
-Then don't.	I have a proposal for you.
-Believe me, if you weren't so tiresome, I'd have one for you.	Something of great value, something of such artistic and historic significance that only you could truly appreciate...
-You have a car?	Uh, yes.
-Uh, yes.	Meet me in front. Five minutes.
-Seems I am.	I'll call an ambulance.
-I'll call an ambulance.	It's nothing serious. I'll just run into that building. They'll have some sort of first aid kit.
-You disappeared.	You seemed to be handling everything quite nicely.
-You seemed to be handling everything quite nicely.	Are you...okay?
-Are you...okay?	It was only a scratch. Far more damaging to my trousers than to me.
-It was only a scratch. Far more damaging to my trousers than to me.	That's good. Terrific.
-I don't care about the damned car. My luggage's been stolen.	You're joking.  You can't trust anyone these days.
-Yes. But they don't have a clue.  Why would anyone steal my luggage?	Maybe the thief thought you had something valuable. You are in the business, that's what Roki says.
-Maybe the thief thought you had something valuable. You are in the business, that's what Roki says.	Like I would have art in my suitcase.
-Like I would have art in my suitcase.	Of course you wouldn't. The Rembrandt wouldn't fit.
-Of course you wouldn't. The Rembrandt wouldn't fit.	Excuse me?
-I've got something...	I sincerely hope so.
-You're not taking me seriously.	Oh, I'm taking you...quite seriously.
-I didn't expect you to be so...	So what?
-So what?	So alive.
-Do you mind?	You...you can't.
-You...you can't.	Of course I can. I have a note from mother.
-You're shaking. Are you nervous?	No. Why would I be?
-No. Why would I be?	Because you young Americans think the world began when you were born. You fall apart when you don't get your own way.
-I've got something for you.	Oh, that's quite all right. No charge.
-And I thought we were getting on so well.	We were, we are, but this is perfect for you.
-We were, we are, but this is perfect for you.	Not interested.
-Are you under the impression that now I'm in some way obligated to you?	Well, no...but...
-Well, no...but...	Good. I'll call the concierge. They can get you a new room, book your flight home, so forth.
-For God's sake.	I'm sorry. This just means so much to me.
-The Empress Death Mask.	The most important piece of Chinese art outside of China.
-Somewhat better than that temple scroll you were bidding on.	That old pirate Chiang Kai Shek personally took this to Taiwan when he was run out of China in 1949. Peking would dearly love to have this back...
-That old pirate Chiang Kai Shek personally took this to Taiwan when he was run out of China in 1949. Peking would dearly love to have this back...	I suspected it might be worthy of your interest.
-I suspected it might be worthy of your interest.	It's not for sale.
-I know.	So you've heard all those stories about me. Well, I can assure you they're not true. And if they were true, I've retired.
-But Roki said--	Roki has a vivid imagination.
-Roki has a vivid imagination.	Besides, if I lacked certain ethical scruples about the ownership of property--which I do not--I wouldn't need a partner, much less a callow girl. I'd do it myself.
-Besides, if I lacked certain ethical scruples about the ownership of property--which I do not--I wouldn't need a partner, much less a callow girl. I'd do it myself.	You can't.
-You can't.	Oh?
-Oh?	It's only on exhibit at the Queen's Museum this month. Even if you could get into the museum, the Mask bas its own security system. A special, randomly programmed interval code.
-We going somewhere?	Possibly.
-Possibly.	Maybe I should drive this time.
-Maybe I should drive this time.	Maybe you should go buy yourself some clothes.
-Very nice.	Not a word.
-You want me to pick up a painting?	Quite a good one. A Monet. Not major, but it is Giverney.
-Quite a good one. A Monet. Not major, but it is Giverney.	I'm not here to run errands. I'm here for the Mask.
-I'm not here to run errands. I'm here for the Mask.	If I can't trust you to pick up a painting, how can I trust you about the Mask?
-It's a test.	That's my girl.
-Fine. What do I do?	It's simple. You pick up the painting, you pay for it with this debit card.
-How much am I paying?	I'm paying...one point five million and change. I hate round numbers.
-It's a fake.	Give him the card.
-Give him the card.	But--
-But--	Can you follow simple directions?
-I'm telling you it's a forgery. The paint's still wet for God's sake.	Look on the back. What do you see?
-A film case.	That's what you're buying. Put it in your pocket.
-He says they turned the card down.	Damn, I knew I forgot something.
-Damn, I knew I forgot something.	Not funny.
-What the hell do I do now?	Up to you. You could tell him the check is in the mail.
-What the hell was that?	Not bad. I didn't expect you to make it out.
-Not bad. I didn't expect you to make it out.	You what--?
-Motorcycle.	Got it.
-It's one way.	We're only going one way.
-We're going to die, aren't we...	I'm not the one to ask...
-What about your bags?	I never carry...baggage.
-Those are my clothes.	Certainly not mine. Come on.
-You stole my luggage? You--	I'm a thief. Sue me.
-I'm a thief. Sue me.	Where's my bag?
-That's entrapment.	No. Entrapment is what cops do to robbers.
-I don't believe this.	What's your problem? I'm doing the job.
-What's your problem? I'm doing the job.	What's my problem? You want a list?
-What's my problem? You want a list?	You really don't believe I'd take on a partner after all these years without a little...insurance?
-Lose something?	I'm just curious what sort of security system you'd have in your own house.
-I'm just curious what sort of security system you'd have in your own house.	And--
-And--	I'm impressed. Can't spot a thing.
-I'm impressed. Can't spot a thing.	Hmmm. I'd be surprised if you could.
-Nothing? You don't even lock the door?	I guess I have a more optimistic view of human nature than you do.
-Why are we in separate--you know, separate rooms?	My job, my rules. We've got a job to do. No mixing business and pleasure.
-You're late.	I'm dressed.
-And good morning.	Good morning.
-Good morning.	Nice spot.
-Nice spot.	It is.  Coffee and fruitloops or whatever you eat in the kitchen. We'll start in twenty minutes.
-I know it well.	As I recall, you've robbed it before.
-As I recall, you've robbed it before.	Years ago, if memory serves. When does the exhibit end?
-Years ago, if memory serves. When does the exhibit end?	In a week.
-Only a week?	They're having a farewell party the last night. Before the Mask goes back to Taiwan.
-They're having a farewell party the last night. Before the Mask goes back to Taiwan.	That's when we'll do it. And we'll need every single day.
-So the Duke dug a tunnel--just in case. They made the lake a hundred years later. Flooded the tunnel.	We go underwater?
-We? Are you implying that I'm taking you inside?	We're doing this together. We're partners.
-We're doing this together. We're partners.	Precisely. You give me the Mask security code, I steal the Mask, you get a finders fee. At ten percent, should be two or three million at least. Not too bad.
-I go in alone.	You don't get the Mask code unless I go.
-Pack up. I'll see you get back to London.	Look, I can help. You need a sensor expert. You've got one.
-Look, I can help. You need a sensor expert. You've got one.	This isn't some Picasso print you steal out of a car dealer's rec room.
-You don't have any idea how lucky you are!	A lifelong problem, I'm afraid.
-A lifelong problem, I'm afraid.	No, dammit! I mean me! That Rembrandt...that Rembrandt!
-Nice try. Everyone thinks I did.	That's because I wanted them to!
-That's because I wanted them to!	I wondered who'd been giving me a bad name.
-I wondered who'd been giving me a bad name.	I drilled the bolts and went in through the window. It was the only way to bypass the smart glass.
-I drilled the bolts and went in through the window. It was the only way to bypass the smart glass.	True enough.
-True enough.	You need a partner for this job. You'll never find one as good as me.
-The Rembrandt--that was quite good.	It was perfect.
-Someone was expecting that.	You're too easily impressed with yourself. I believe I've made that point before.
-I'll need that.	No one needs anything except food and shelter. The rest we just want.
-No one needs anything except food and shelter. The rest we just want.	This isn't a good time to hear your personal philosophy.
-Don't worry, I can get rid of this. No trace. And I'll even go fifty fifty, we're partners aren't we?	No. It's a down payment.
-On what? Another job?	We get the Mask I'll tell you.
-We get the Mask I'll tell you.	A partner with secrets isn't much of a partner.
-A partner with secrets isn't much of a partner.	Without the Mask it doesn't matter.
-Without the Mask it doesn't matter.	So the Mask is part of the down payment too. Must be a really big job.
-So the Mask is part of the down payment too. Must be a really big job.	Let's just see how we do.
-So you're testing me now?	Oh, I think you can do it. Probably.
-Why don't we take oxygen?	We are...for the tools.
-Let's do it again.	Try laps. Say a hundred.
-Did I hear a car?	Our equipment has arrived.
-Our equipment has arrived.	Hmmm.
-All this, this is a woman's version of what you would like.	It was a long time ago.
-I didn't mean to get personal.	Yes you did.
-So how long to pop the floor?	Twenty four seconds--as long as it takes the clock to strike twelve.
-Twenty four seconds--as long as it takes the clock to strike twelve.	And you've checked the ram to be sure it's synchronized with the clock.
-And you've checked the ram to be sure it's synchronized with the clock.	A dozen times.
-A dozen times.	The lipstick thermal camera?
-Got it.	Charged?
-Charged?	Charged. Receiver?
-That's it. We're ready.	One more item--not on the check list.
-I trust it's your size.	It's---beautiful.
-You bought this for me?	Don't get any ideas. Of course it comes out of your share.
-Thank you.	Thank you.
-No, no, I want to. I'll just go into the village.	It's not a village. There's nothing there.
-Won't take any time.	Straight down the drive, right at the hedgerow, follow the lane. Don't blink, you'll miss it.
-Certainly the most beautiful crook I've ever seen.	I've got something for you.
-Aren't we early?	Little celebration before we set off.
-To us. To the Mask.	To our...partnership.
-You're nervous again.	When I was a girl my father took me to the edge of El Capitan. Three thousand feet of granite. Straight down. I was so scared my mouth was full of cotton. I couldn't talk, just stood there shivering...like this.
-When I was a girl my father took me to the edge of El Capitan. Three thousand feet of granite. Straight down. I was so scared my mouth was full of cotton. I couldn't talk, just stood there shivering...like this.	You were afraid of heights?
-You were afraid of heights?	Terrified. Still am.
-Terrified. Still am.	How in the devil did you do the Rembrandt then?
-How in the devil did you do the Rembrandt then?	I had a lifeline. If I've got a lifeline, I'm okay.
-I had a lifeline. If I've got a lifeline, I'm okay.	Aren't we all.
-Aren't we all.	My father told me not to be afraid. He'd always be there for me.
-He wasn't.	So you had to be your own lifeline.
-So you had to be your own lifeline.	Something like that.
-And--	He pulled back his arms and blam, I landed right on the floor. I picked myself up, tears in my eyes, and he looked at me and he said, Son, don't ever trust anybody. Anybody.
-Camera in the--	Bookshelf. Sensors--
-Bookshelf. Sensors--	Popup, on floorboards. And--
-Popup, on floorboards. And--	In eye of that painting.
-We're working.	It's a party.
-It's a party.	Let's mingle a little, shall we?
-One, two, three...	You're not on the beat.
-Don't turn. I'm counting the steps to the entrance.	These rooms are solid stone. They haven't changed.
-These rooms are solid stone. They haven't changed.	You can't be too careful.
-You can't be too careful.	Yes, you can.  You can spoil a perfectly nice dance.
-Ready?	Ready.
-Can you see the other PIRs?	Got it.
-They moved it.	Behind you.
-Be careful not to break the laser beams.	Duh.
-Careful...careful.	Shut up.
-We did it.	The Mask.
-Now's when you tell me who you really are.	What?
-You're playing both sides of the street. You're going to keep the Mask and turn me in.	No, no, please God, you're wrong. I'm a thief. Just like you.
-Okay, you're a thief.	Yes. Yes.
-Yes. Yes.	What do I need a thief for? I've got the Mask.
-STOP! You're making...mistake.	It's your mistake.
-It's your mistake.	The big job.
-The big job.	There is no big job.
-What?	A billion dollars.
-Your share.	Get the hell in.
-We're living history here.	You don't know the half of it.
-I like banks.  That's where the money is.	Speaking of money. You said billions. How many?
-If you want a partner, I think you should recalculate the split.	Okay, 80-20--
-No, really, it's your plan, you should get at least 30 per cent--	My eighty, your twenty, smart guy--
-My eighty, your twenty, smart guy--	It's fifty-fifty, less the cost of the dress.
-Come on, what can you do with six billion you can't do with four?	Hold the record. Alone.
-Hmmm...44 long.	I always knew you'd do the job.
-You've got everything planned.	Everything.
-I'll need the Rembrandt now.	Sure, it's only worth 25 million or so, don't bother telling me what you're going to do with it.
-Sure, it's only worth 25 million or so, don't bother telling me what you're going to do with it.	I told you. It's the down payment. And thanks to you it's overdue.
-Insidious thing, wondering if your partner...has another partner.	Okay, look, I'm delivering this to a man who's going to give us the key to our job. But it's pointless to try to explain it yet. You just have to trust me. I don't have any more secrets.
-Okay, look, I'm delivering this to a man who's going to give us the key to our job. But it's pointless to try to explain it yet. You just have to trust me. I don't have any more secrets.	Everyone has secrets, it's what makes us human.
-Idle hands, the devil's workshop.	There's food in the fridge. I won't be long.
-The Mask. Where is it?	You took the Rembrandt, I figured it was a fair trade.
-Do you know what you've done!? Do you know?	Would you quiet down! Just for a minute?
-Oh my god, I thought--	I'd taken the Mask?
-What about the rules?	My job, my rules.
-Well...What are we doing?	You're being useless. I'm making us rich.
-Currency data so we can do optimum conversions at the moment of transfer.	Transfer.
-Transfer.	The eight billion. From them to us.
-The eight billion. From them to us.	Right. The eight billion.
-What's that?	Guest lists of every A-list party on turnover night. They'd be handy to disappear into, so we're invited to all of them.
-Peoples China Bank.	Where the money is.
-It's taken me five years at Webber Insurance, nights, weekends, every spare minute, to make this CD. It has all the necessary instructions and confirmation codes to tell their computer to transfer reasonably modest sums out of thousands of those accounts, two, or three million at a crack. Total, eight billion and change.	And the money goes--
-And the money goes--	Every wire transfer gets rocketed through a series of multiple switches. As soon as each deposit lands somewhere, it's shot somewhere else. It ends up so clean the Mafia couldn't find it.
-Every wire transfer gets rocketed through a series of multiple switches. As soon as each deposit lands somewhere, it's shot somewhere else. It ends up so clean the Mafia couldn't find it.	But those instructions, they're recorded in the computer.
-But those instructions, they're recorded in the computer.	Nope. The CD instructs the computer to replace those instructions with an innocuous loan coded XJ-6.
-Nope. The CD instructs the computer to replace those instructions with an innocuous loan coded XJ-6.	A parting gift from the Empire.
-A parting gift from the Empire.	Sit down, I'll show you how we're going to do it.
-The oscilloscope's already programmed.	It's no good without the argon gas.
-Got it.	Then the vault, how to get in the vault, that's stumping me.
-Then the vault, how to get in the vault, that's stumping me.	That's where the Mask comes in.
-That's where the Mask comes in.	You've thought of everything.
-So how long till we do this?	We're doing it tonight.
-You can't be serious.	That's the beauty of it. There's only one tiny window of time when this will work. At the handover of Hong Kong--from Britain to China. The handover from them to us.
-That's the beauty of it. There's only one tiny window of time when this will work. At the handover of Hong Kong--from Britain to China. The handover from them to us.	You're out of your mind. We can't do a job like this with no rehearsal.
-You're out of your mind. We can't do a job like this with no rehearsal.	There's no way to practice this. And no time. Besides, I've planned it all. There aren't any surprises.
-There's no way to practice this. And no time. Besides, I've planned it all. There aren't any surprises.	There's always a surprise.
-There's always a surprise.	I've covered everything. And you're the best, so--
-I've covered everything. And you're the best, so--	You're overestimating yourself again. What's worse, this time you're overestimating me.
-You're overestimating yourself again. What's worse, this time you're overestimating me.	Look, there's a video security system to bypass, that's the only hard part. You've done that a dozen times.
-Look, there's a video security system to bypass, that's the only hard part. You've done that a dozen times.	For God's sake, the only way I can get from one elevator to the other is to jump.
-For God's sake, the only way I can get from one elevator to the other is to jump.	Feeling old?
-How do I look?	Like a woman of mystery.
-Access codes to the vault are changed daily, passwords for our computer on the hour...	Can't be too careful.
-Can't be too careful.	Two men in the world don't need passwords or codes. Their retinas will scan to unlock everything. one of those two men is the chairman of the bank.
-Two men in the world don't need passwords or codes. Their retinas will scan to unlock everything. one of those two men is the chairman of the bank.	Let me guess. His retinal plate is in there.
-Pulse detectors.	Charged.
-Charged.	Parachute.
-Parachute.	Packed.
-Done.  And I assume you have the magic CD- ROM?	Surgically attached.
-No way to take another day or two?	No. You'll see when we get inside.
-You shouldn't have.	Can't break tradition. It's bad luck.
-Can't break tradition. It's bad luck.	There is one more thing.
-You have something in mind?	Call it a new tradition.
-That was a lifetime ago.	It was wrong to deceive you.
-It was wrong to deceive you.	But that's all behind us now.
-But would you--would you--	Have really held you under?
-Of course not. It was just a negotiating ploy.	Nothing like fear of drowning to focus your attention.
-Nothing like fear of drowning to focus your attention.	I'm sorry.
-So what are you going to do with your share?	Oh, I don't care about the money.
-Oh, I don't care about the money.	Four billion dollars.
-Four billion dollars.	Seen one billion, seen them all.
-Seen one billion, seen them all.	That's because you grew up rich.
-That's because you grew up rich.	A flaw in your research, my dear. I grew up chewing shoe leather for breakfast.
-Not for me.	What? Another job? Stealing the Eiffel Tower?
-I'm going to disappear. I die in a car crash in Taiwan. Very easy to do.	They drive so recklessly there.
-They drive so recklessly there.	I'm leaving from the Nathan Road Station at 6:30 tomorrow morning. You could come too.
-The sign of our partnership.	Brought us luck once, maybe it will again.
-And when, eventually, everyone discovers what transaction XJ6 was really about...	China will think it happened before midnight. Britain will swear it happened after midnight...
-China will think it happened before midnight. Britain will swear it happened after midnight...	They'll each be positive the other guy did it.  I fear an ugly international incident.
-Jesus God, it's going through.	Hong Kong midnight, happy new year. Except at China Bank.
-Relax, don't jam it...	FUCKING THING!!!
-Don't panic, now, there's no rush...	We can't leave it IN THERE, it's got all our accounts, everything that can NAIL us to a goddam CROSS!!!
-MOVE IT, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING F...	The disc is still in there.
-The disc is still in there.	We can't help it, we...we've gotta...
-The door's the only way out!	I sincerely hope not.
-Jesus.	You can do it.
-Come on.	No way.
-No way.	Go!
-Hang on.	Get out of here!
-I cannot get rid of you.	No, you can't.
-Put this on!	I'm not leaving without you.
-What's wrong.	Nothing is wrong. Everything is the way it has to be. In my left coat pocket is a packet. Passports, hotel reservations, tickets.
-Take the airport subway, but change at Jordan Station for Kowloon Tong.	But--
-But--	It's only ninety seconds up the line. You're on a connection to a trans Siberian express.
-It's only ninety seconds up the line. You're on a connection to a trans Siberian express.	What about you?
-You have the right to remain silent. But anything you say may be taken down in evidence and used against you--	My god--
---You're a cop.	Both sides of the street, I'm afraid.
-He looks familiar.	That would be Thibadeaux. The cop I work for every now and then. Catching thieves. The really good ones--the ones who imitate me.
-They've been on to you all along. Knew you had a big job going.	You gave them the eight billion.
-You gave them the eight billion.	You mean the seven billion.
-A true master. Classic, yet extremely sexual, don't you think?	We need to make the trade tomorrow.
-We need to make the trade tomorrow.	Always in a rush.
-Always in a rush.	You should know, when I come back here with the Mask--if anything goes wrong, a detailed description of everything you've done goes to the PRC.
-You should know, when I come back here with the Mask--if anything goes wrong, a detailed description of everything you've done goes to the PRC.	Gin, really.
-Gin, really.	Tomorrow. It has to be tomorrow. Or forget the Mask.
-I'm not real big on collecting banged up Ferraris at airports.	Next time I'll use valet parking.
-They work off the O2 tank just like the slice pack.	Which is--
-Which is--	In the van.
-In the van.	Tina was a wonderful woman.
-Tina was a wonderful woman.	Don't go getting sentimental. You're no damn good at it.
-I'd give you a hand but it wouldn't look good.	Yeah, the lord of the manor doesn't haul his own groceries.
-Yeah, the lord of the manor doesn't haul his own groceries.	And you do it so well.
-The porta power...comm kits...got the IR/Thermo camera?	Had to get a liquid plasma screen.
-Had to get a liquid plasma screen.	The key to success is using the right tools.
-The key to success is using the right tools.	You're not the one trying to get all this shit. You think they've just got a Crooks R Us on every corner?
-You're not the one trying to get all this shit. You think they've just got a Crooks R Us on every corner?	We're going to need a vacuum with a battery pack for the dust. The air filters might be wired. And a bypass hose for the AC.
-We're going to need a vacuum with a battery pack for the dust. The air filters might be wired. And a bypass hose for the AC.	Sure wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable.
-Sure wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable.	If we don't bypass it, the temperature in the Mask room will change and set off the alarm. That would be inconvenient.
-If we don't bypass it, the temperature in the Mask room will change and set off the alarm. That would be inconvenient.	Inconvenient is trying to find a pulsing laser with magic arms in two days.
-Inconvenient is trying to find a pulsing laser with magic arms in two days.	You are a miracle worker.
-We might not want to cash in our chips just yet. She has another job after this one. A big one.	This is big enough.
-This is big enough.	It's never big enough.
-Let me ask you, this Mask, when they made it--was the old bitch dead or alive?	It's a death mask. Death mask means dead.
-Right.	Because I never assume anything.
-Because I never assume anything.	I need you to get one more thing for me. A dress, elegant but sexy, something Grace Kelly would wear. Maybe a Balenciaga.
-I need you to get one more thing for me. A dress, elegant but sexy, something Grace Kelly would wear. Maybe a Balenciaga.	That's it, I sure as hell ain't no personal shopper.
-That's it, I sure as hell ain't no personal shopper.	Black of course.
-I'd say she's a size 6 who wears a size 4.	This better be worth 1t.
-Oh, it is.	It better be worth it for me.
-I said a masked ball, not a costume party.	How the hell I'm supposed to know the damn difference?
-How the hell I'm supposed to know the damn difference?	You look like George Washington.
-You look like George Washington.	I cannot tell you a goddamned lie. She's selling you a pig in a poke. We better do this tonight.
-I cannot tell you a goddamned lie. She's selling you a pig in a poke. We better do this tonight.	It's too soon.
-It's too soon.	The early bird gets the damn worm.
-The early bird gets the damn worm.	But the second mouse gets the cheese.
-So patience, Thibeau, patience. Trust me.	Remind me why.
-Remind me why.	Because it pays off.
-You two make quite a couple.	We're supposed to.
-We're supposed to.	You better not be taking on a new partner.
-You better not be taking on a new partner.	Suspicious, after all these years?
-Suspicious, after all these years?	You change partners, you change the rules.
-Oh, look at me, darling. I thought this gentleman was a waiter.	You damn well thought wrong.
-You damn well thought wrong.	I'm terribly sorry old man.
-Tonight your league night?	Check out my ball.
-Doesn't look like much. How come those Commos want it so bad?	It's not just art, it's history. Something you Americans don't care about--because you haven't got any.
-It's not just art, it's history. Something you Americans don't care about--because you haven't got any.	That's because we live in the future. Which is what's on my mind.
-This is just show and tell.	I'm waiting for the tell part.
-I'm waiting for the tell part.	She's calling the shots now.
-She's calling the shots now.	You're impressed with her, aren't you?
-You're impressed with her, aren't you?	She's good. Give her that. Almost as good as she thinks she is.
-She's good. Give her that. Almost as good as she thinks she is.	She reminds you of yourself. There's nobody you admire more.
-My antenna is up, it is fully extended, and I am picking up...what is it? It is, can it be? The boy is in el, u, v.	It's never happened before. What makes you think it's happening now?
-It's never happened before. What makes you think it's happening now?	You better be keeping your mind on business. It's not just me you got to worry about. I've got some very unpleasant folks looking over my shoulder.
-You better be keeping your mind on business. It's not just me you got to worry about. I've got some very unpleasant folks looking over my shoulder.	You know where my loyalties lie.
-You know where my loyalties lie.	To yourself, that's where.
-You'll just have to have faith.	Faith is angels dancing on the head of a pin. I got to have trust.
-Faith is angels dancing on the head of a pin. I got to have trust.	She won't tell me everything. It's a bank job, that's all I know.
-Thirty-five next generation microchips. Copper, not silicon. Value: one million each.	You're giving them to me?
-You're giving them to me?	Call it an expression of trust.
-Call it an expression of trust.	Thought you had to use some of these.
-Thought you had to use some of these.	You don't really think I'd leave ten million dollars worth of our chips in her bag?  What matters isn't what's real. It's what we think is real--what matters is the art.
-Take this mask. It may look like the Empress, but it's not.	I figured that out.
-I figured that out.	The face decays, the mask doesn't. Art lasts, we don't. That's why art's so valuable. It's a little piece of immortality.
-The face decays, the mask doesn't. Art lasts, we don't. That's why art's so valuable. It's a little piece of immortality.	You got a real problem with priorities, you know that?
-You got a real problem with priorities, you know that?	I really don't think that's a topic on which you have much to offer.
-I really don't think that's a topic on which you have much to offer.	Did I ever tell you what Tina wrote? The night she died?
-My friend, you always surprise me.	We wear so many goddam masks after a while they get stuck to our faces, you know? And they don't come off. But when you find the one person who really knows you, and then you lose her...
-Takes a lot out of you, one like this.	Yes it does.
-Yes it does.	I been meaning to tell you, far as I'm concerned you're over the hill.
-See you.	Probably not.
-Probably not.	Yeah. Probably not.
-... what we do in here is keep track of all the case files.  That way, at any time, we can find out a case's status -- where it is in the office, stuff like that.  We file 'em all here, alphabetically --	Oh, hell.  I'm dyslexic.
-Oh, hell.  I'm dyslexic.	That's a joke, right?
-Anna?  With this real-estate valuing stuff - - could you remind me, cause I'm a little confused about how exactly we do that.	Erin, you've been here three weeks.  If you don't know how to do your job by now, I am not about to do it for you.
-Where've you been?	What the fuck did you do with my stuff?
-What the fuck did you do with my stuff?	Don't use language with me --
-Um, Erin?  Listen.  Even though you're not necessarily my favorite person in the world ...  ... sometimes you're not half-bad.	I'm gonna assume that was meant as a compliment, Anna, and just say thank you.
-250,000?	In terms of land value out in Hinkley, Mr. Masry, we feel it's a more than fair price.
-In terms of land value out in Hinkley, Mr. Masry, we feel it's a more than fair price.	What about in terms of medical expenses? 250,000 doesn't come close to what this family's gonna have to spend on doctors.
-What about in terms of medical expenses? 250,000 doesn't come close to what this family's gonna have to spend on doctors.	I understand they've had a bad run of luck, health-wise, and they have my sympathies. But that's not PG&E's fault.
-I understand they've had a bad run of luck, health-wise, and they have my sympathies. But that's not PG&E's fault.	You're kidding, right?  Look at these readings for Christ's sake. PG&E's own technicians documented toxic levels of hexavalent chromium in those test wells, on numerous occasions.
-A million things could have caused those problems.  Poor diet, bad genes, irresponsible lifestyle.  Our offer is final and more than fair.	Wait a minute -- I thought we were negotiating here.
-Wait a minute -- I thought we were negotiating here.	250,000 is all I'm authorized to offer.
-Mr. Masry, before you go off on some crusade, you might want to remember who it is you're dealing with here.  PG&E is a 28- billion dollar corporation.	Thanks.  I'll keep it in mind.
-Tell you what, why don't you go on over to reception, tell them I said Mario should take you to the airport.	Hey, excellent.  Thanks.
-Tony Marvin.	Oh, Jesus.  Who's responsible for his pain and suffering this time?
-Oh, Jesus.  Who's responsible for his pain and suffering this time?	His dry cleaners.  You want him?
-His dry cleaners.  You want him?	What do you think?  What's this?
-Tequila.  From your drug dealer friend.	Carlos isn't a friend; he's a client.
-Carlos isn't a friend; he's a client.	He's a low-life.  Speaking of which, that's your nine o'clock in there.
-Whoa.  Remind me.	Erin Brockovich.  Car accident.  Not her fault, she says.  And she looks like such an honest girl, don't you think?
-Erin Brockovich.  Car accident.  Not her fault, she says.  And she looks like such an honest girl, don't you think?	You shouldn't judge, Brenda.
-You shouldn't judge, Brenda.	Right.  Lap-dancers are people too.
-What the hell is this doing here?	It's those files you asked for.
-It's those files you asked for.	I didn't mean for you to leave them in the middle of the floor.  Jesus.  Look at me. What do I have this afternoon?
-I didn't mean for you to leave them in the middle of the floor.  Jesus.  Look at me. What do I have this afternoon?	Nothing you can't show up for with a stain.
-What's she doing here?	Who?
-Fax these to this number, okay?	All of 'em?
-All of 'em?	All of them.
-Seventeen thousand in debt.  Whew.  Is your ex-husband helping out?	Which one?
-Which one?	There's more than one?
-There's more than one?	Yeah.  There's two.  Why?
-So.  You must've been feeling pretty desperate that afternoon.	What's your point?
-What?  Hey -- he hit me.	So you say.
-So you say.	He came tearing around the corner, out of control --
-He came tearing around the corner, out of control --	An ER doctor who spends his days saving lives was the one out of control --
-An ER doctor who spends his days saving lives was the one out of control --	That asshole smashed in my fucking neck!
-Meningitis?  What the hell is meningitis?	It's an inflammation of the spinal cord and part of the brain.
-It's an inflammation of the spinal cord and part of the brain.	Jesus.
-Jesus.	She must be a tough cookie, cause it's a pretty advanced case.  I'd say she's been walking around with it for a few weeks now.
-She must be a tough cookie, cause it's a pretty advanced case.  I'd say she's been walking around with it for a few weeks now.	How does someone get meningitis?
-How does someone get meningitis?	Usually, in adults, it's from exposure to bacteria or a virus or ...
-Usually, in adults, it's from exposure to bacteria or a virus or ...	... or lemme guess -- toxic waste?
-Hi.  Donna Irving?	Yes?
-Yes?	I'm Erin Brockovich, from Masry & Vititoe?
-I'm Erin Brockovich, from Masry & Vititoe?	You're a lawyer?
-You're a lawyer?	Hell, no.  I hate lawyers.  I just work for them.  You got a minute?
-This is a real nice place you got here.	Well it oughta be, with all the work I put into it.
-I added air conditioning, put in the pool, made all those pillows by hand ...	Yeah?  I should learn to do stuff like that. They make the place feel real homey.
-Thank you.  I think so too.  That's why I'm being such a stickler on this house price thing.  I don't mean to be a pain in PG&E's backside, especially after all they've done for Hinkley, but I look around here and I think, if they want this place, they're gonna have to pay for it.  And I don't just mean pay for the house; I'd like them to pay me for the trouble of starting over.	Right.
-Right.	Cause first you gotta move, then there's decorating, and if the windows aren't the same size, you know -- you're making all new curtains.  Honest to God, I don't know if I have the energy.  You know, I've been sick. Me and Peter both have.
-Cause first you gotta move, then there's decorating, and if the windows aren't the same size, you know -- you're making all new curtains.  Honest to God, I don't know if I have the energy.  You know, I've been sick. Me and Peter both have.	Yeah, I'm real glad you brought that up.  I was going through your file here, and I ran into these medical records.  They kinda surprised me --
-I know.  They're more than a bit unusual. See, two years ago, Pete got Hodgkin's disease.  That's a kind of cancer --	Yeah, I'm real sorry to hear that.
-Yeah, I'm real sorry to hear that.	Thank you.  It's in remission now, thank the Lord, but you never know.  And then while that's going on, I end up having to have a hysterectomy.  Plus a whole mess of lumps removed from my breasts.  All benign so far, but still, no matter how positive you stay, an operation can still take it out of you.
-Thank you.  It's in remission now, thank the Lord, but you never know.  And then while that's going on, I end up having to have a hysterectomy.  Plus a whole mess of lumps removed from my breasts.  All benign so far, but still, no matter how positive you stay, an operation can still take it out of you.	I'll say.  Holy moley.
-I'll say.  Holy moley.	So the whole idea of selling the house -- don't get me wrong, I'd be glad to move to some better place, but if they aren't gonna pay us properly, I just don't see the point.
-So the whole idea of selling the house -- don't get me wrong, I'd be glad to move to some better place, but if they aren't gonna pay us properly, I just don't see the point.	Yeah, I can see that.  I guess the only thing that confused me is - - not that your medical problems aren't important, but -- how come the files about them are in with all the real estate stuff?
-Are you kidding?  With how our lives are, if I start subdividing files, I'll be sunk.  I just kept all PG&E correspondence in one place.	Right, but -- I'm sorry, I don't see why you were corresponding with PG&E about it in the first place.
-Right, but -- I'm sorry, I don't see why you were corresponding with PG&E about it in the first place.	Well, they paid for the doctor's visit.
-Well, they paid for the doctor's visit.	They did?
-They did?	You bet.  Paid for a check-up for the whole family.  And not like with insurance where you pay, then wait a year to be reimbursed, either.  They just took care of it.  Just like that.  We never even saw a bill.
-You bet.  Paid for a check-up for the whole family.  And not like with insurance where you pay, then wait a year to be reimbursed, either.  They just took care of it.  Just like that.  We never even saw a bill.	Wow.  Why would they do that?
-Wow.  Why would they do that?	Cause of the chromium.
-Cause of the chromium.	The what?
-The what?	The chromium.  Well, that's what kicked this whole thing off.
-What's chromium?	It's a chemical they used over at that compressor station up the road there.
-It's a chemical they used over at that compressor station up the road there.	Well, hell, maybe that's why you all have been so sick --
-Well, hell, maybe that's why you all have been so sick --	I thought the same thing, right off the bat. That's why we went to see the doctor.  But hunh-uh.  Turns out one's got nothing to do with the other.
-Seems like an awful big coincidence -- your water being messed with and you being so sick.	Not around here.  This is a rough part of the world.  Hard times, not a lot of money, not a lot of luck.  It's a challenge, staying healthy in a town like this.  Heck, even our dogs up and die.
-An on-site monitoring well?  That means --	It was right up on the PG&E property over there.
-It was right up on the PG&E property over there.	And you say this stuff, this hexavalent chromium -- it's poisonous?
-And you say this stuff, this hexavalent chromium -- it's poisonous?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Well -- then it's gotta be a different than what's in our water, cause ours is okay. The guys from PG&E told me.  They sat right in the kitchen and said it was fine.
-Well -- then it's gotta be a different than what's in our water, cause ours is okay. The guys from PG&E told me.  They sat right in the kitchen and said it was fine.	I know.  But the toxicologist I been talking to?  He gave me a list of problems that can come from hexavalent chromium exposure. And everything you all have is on that list.
-No.  Hunh-uh, see, that's not what the doctor said.  He said one's got absolutely nothing to do with the other.	Right, but -- didn't you say he was paid by PG&E?
-Sure wish I had longer to get used to the idea.  You think if you got no uterus, and no breasts, you're still technically a woman?	Sure you are.  You're just a happier woman, cause you don't have to deal with maxi-pads and underwire.
-You wouldn't happen to have a little time right now, would you, Donna?	For what?
-For what?	Well, I was gonna head over to the Browns now.  I was thinking -- Mandy really values your opinion ...
-It's a good day.  I feel good.	Well, then -- if you're feeling up to it, maybe we should talk shop.
-The judge came up with a number.	A number for the whole group, or for us?
-A number for the whole group, or for us?	Both.
-Oh, my God.	And he's making them give five million of it to you all.
-And he's making them give five million of it to you all.	Five million dollars?
-Five million dollars?	Five million dollars.
-I don't even know how much money that is.	It's enough -- for whatever you need, for whatever your girls need, for whatever your girls' girls need -- it'll be enough.
-I can put them in a good school.	Any school you want.
-Any school you want.	And get someone to help around the house.
-And get someone to help around the house.	Yup.
-Yup.	Oh my God.  Oh my God.
-They took some bone from my hip and put it in my neck.  I didn't have insurance, so I'm about seventeen thousand in debt right now.	... couldn't take painkillers cause they made me too groggy to take care of my kids.
-... couldn't take painkillers cause they made me too groggy to take care of my kids.	... Matthew's six, Katie's four, and Beth's just nine months.
-... Matthew's six, Katie's four, and Beth's just nine months.	... just wanna be a good mom, a nice person, a decent citizen.  Just wanna take good care of my kids.  You know?
-... just wanna be a good mom, a nice person, a decent citizen.  Just wanna take good care of my kids.  You know?	Yeah.  I know.
-Open and shut?  Open and fucking shut?	If you hadn't used profanity --
-If you hadn't used profanity --	Oh, please, it was long over by then.  God damn, he made me look like some cheap --
-Oh, please, it was long over by then.  God damn, he made me look like some cheap --	I told you the questions might get a little personal --
-I told you the questions might get a little personal --	Bullshit.  You told me I'd get half a million dollars.  You told me I'd be set.
-Okay -- let's try and settle down here.	Settle down?  I got 74 bucks to my name, Mr. Masry!  I can't afford to settle down!
-I'm sorry, Erin.	Yeah?  Well, fuck you.  Sorry doesn't feed my kids.
-You never called me back.  I left messages.	You did?  Wow, sorry about that.  Listen, Mario's a little not so bright.  He seems to think that you said --
-You did?  Wow, sorry about that.  Listen, Mario's a little not so bright.  He seems to think that you said --	There's two things I can't stand, Mr. Masry. Being ignored, and being lied to.  You did both.
-I never lied.  I may have miscalculated -- that happens sometimes, but --	You said things would be fine, and they're not.
-You said things would be fine, and they're not.	I'm sorry about that.  Really.  But --
-I'm sorry about that.  Really.  But --	I don't need pity.  I need a paycheck.  And I've looked, but when you've spent the last six years raising babies, it's real hard to convince someone to give you a job that pays worth a damn.  So I figure, since you're the one who said I was gonna be okay, you should be the one to hire me.
-Okay, look.  If you really want to apply for a job here, you can do it the way everyone else does.  Send in a rÈsumÈ, make an --	I'm not everyone else, Mr. Masry.  I'm someone you made promises to that you didn't deliver on.  I trusted you.  With my kids' well-being.  Now, I'm smart, and I'm hard- working, and I'll do anything.  But if you think I'm leaving here without a job, you got another thing coming.
-Yeah?	I was wondering -- could you tell me who I'd talk to about maybe getting an advance on my paycheck?  Just -- for the weekend.
-I was wondering -- could you tell me who I'd talk to about maybe getting an advance on my paycheck?  Just -- for the weekend.	Jane's the office manager.  She handles payroll and petty cash.  But she leaves early on Fridays.
-Jane's the office manager.  She handles payroll and petty cash.  But she leaves early on Fridays.	Oh.  Okay.  That's okay.
-All I have is hundreds.	I don't wanna take your money, Mr. Masry.
-I don't wanna take your money, Mr. Masry.	Bullshit, you don't.
-Give her a cold washcloth to suck on --  I gotta go -- there's a clean one in that bag -- I'll check back in a bit.  Sorry.  My kid --	Where's Anna?
-Where's Anna?	Out to lunch with the girls.
-Out to lunch with the girls.	Oh.  Huh.  Well, look, I got this file I need valued. Real estate thing.  A lady has some property next to a PG&E plant that PG&E wants to buy. I need to know what to ask for it.
-You do know how to do that, don't you?	Yeah.  I got it.  No problem.
-Yeah.  I got it.  No problem.	Good.
-You're a girl.	Excuse me?
-Excuse me?	How come you're not at lunch with the girls? You're a girl.
-How come you're not at lunch with the girls? You're a girl.	I guess I'm not the right kind.
-Erin, you've been gone for a week.	I left a message.  I've been dealing with that real estate thing.  I was gonna write up a whole damn report and --
-I left a message.  I've been dealing with that real estate thing.  I was gonna write up a whole damn report and --	That's not how we work here.  You don't just leave a message and take off.
-Okay, enough --  Now, look, Erin -- this incident aside, I don't think this is the right place for you. So what I'm gonna do is make a few calls on your behalf.  Find you something else, okay?	Don't bother.
-Come on, I'm trying to help here.	Bullshit.  You're trying to feel less guilty about firing someone with three kids to feed.  Fuck if I'll help you do that.
-What are you doing here?	I got an interesting call this afternoon. It was from a Dr. Frankel.
-I got an interesting call this afternoon. It was from a Dr. Frankel.	Oh, yeah?
-Oh, yeah?	He wanted you to know the legal limit for hexavalent chromium, is .05 parts per million.  And that at the rate you mentioned, .58, it could be responsible for the cancers in that family you asked about. The Irvings.
-He wanted you to know the legal limit for hexavalent chromium, is .05 parts per million.  And that at the rate you mentioned, .58, it could be responsible for the cancers in that family you asked about. The Irvings.	Well, that was nice of him.  Isn't it funny how some people go out of their way to help people and others just give 'em the ax?
-Well, that was nice of him.  Isn't it funny how some people go out of their way to help people and others just give 'em the ax?	Look, I'm sorry.  You were gone.  I just assumed you were off having fun.
-Look, I'm sorry.  You were gone.  I just assumed you were off having fun.	Now, why in the hell would you assume that?
-Now, why in the hell would you assume that?	I don't know.  Maybe cause you look like someone who has a lot of fun.
-I don't know.  Maybe cause you look like someone who has a lot of fun.	Boy, are you ever a shitty judge of people.
-So what's the story on this thing?  This cancer stuff?	You wanna know, you gotta hire me back.  I got a lot of bills to pay.
-But, PG&E told her about the chromium?	They told her something, but it can't have been too specific, cause I talked to her, and she sure didn't think her water was bad.
-They told her something, but it can't have been too specific, cause I talked to her, and she sure didn't think her water was bad.	So what made you think it was?
-So what made you think it was?	It doesn't take a genius to look at those medical records and think something's wrong.
-It doesn't take a genius to look at those medical records and think something's wrong.	What medical records?
-What medical records?	The ones in the box of files.  The box of files?  The one from your office?
-The ones in the box of files.  The box of files?  The one from your office?	I didn't see any medical records in there.
-I didn't see any medical records in there.	Boy, you musta really fine-tooth-combed it then, huh?  And you fired me.  Jesus.
-That document you found, the one that says it was the bad chromium -- you didn't happen to make a copy did you?	Course I did.
-Course I did.	Lemme see it, will you?
-I want a raise.  And benefits.  Including dental.	Look, Erin, this is not the way I do business, this extortion nonsense.
-Okay.  A 5% raise, and --	Ten.  There's a lot of other places I could work.
-Ten.  There's a lot of other places I could work.	A ten percent raise and benefits.  But that's it.  I'm drawing the line.
-This is the only thing you found?	So far.  But that place is a pig sty.  I wouldn't be surprised if there's more.
-So far.  But that place is a pig sty.  I wouldn't be surprised if there's more.	Find out.
-I'm telling you, the minute Brenda sent the fax -- I'm talking the second she pressed that send button -- PG&E claims department is on the phone to me, scheduling a meeting.	So you think we got 'em scared?
-So you think we got 'em scared?	It sure as hell sounded like they were sitting up and taking notice.
-At least they made an offer.	That wasn't an offer.  A million would've been an offer.  When they send the God damn mail clerk down to jerk me off, waste my time, it's a fuck you.
-That wasn't an offer.  A million would've been an offer.  When they send the God damn mail clerk down to jerk me off, waste my time, it's a fuck you.	I don't get why they'd do that.
-I don't get why they'd do that.	Because they can.  You heard that kid -- they have 28 billion dollars at their disposal.  They can afford to waste all the time in the world.
-Because they can.  You heard that kid -- they have 28 billion dollars at their disposal.  They can afford to waste all the time in the world.	And you can't?
-And you can't?	What, you think I'm made of money?
-Mr. Masry, Mario gets lost going to the bathroom.  They'll be driving around the valley for hours.	Yeah.  Isn't that a shame?
-Boy, do I know how you feel.  First time I heard that number, I said you got to be kidding me.  Forty God damn percent?	Erin --
-Erin --	I'm the one who's injured, and this joker who sits at a desk all day is gonna walk away with almost half my reward?
-I'm the one who's injured, and this joker who sits at a desk all day is gonna walk away with almost half my reward?	Erin --
-Then I don't get anything either.	And I realized, he's taking a chance too.
-Hunh-uh.  Absolutely not.	That's crazy -- why not?
-That's crazy -- why not?	Because I said no.  Look -- the only reason PG&E's even talking to us is cause this is a quiet little real estate dispute.  We add plaintiffs, and suddenly we're in the middle of a toxic tort -- with a statute problem -- against a massive utility.  No, thank you.
-Okay, so here's what I'll do.  I'll go on up to Ted and Rita Daniels -- two of the nicest people you'd ever hope to meet, who spend every single day watching their little girl fight like a dog against this cancer -- I'll tell them we can't help them cause you don't feel like working that hard.	It's not about working hard --
-It's not about working hard --	Bullshit.
-Bullshit.	-- It's about being realistic.  Something like this, Erin -- it could take forever. They're a huge corporation.  They'd completely bury us in paperwork.  I'm just one guy with a shitty little P.I. firm.
--- It's about being realistic.  Something like this, Erin -- it could take forever. They're a huge corporation.  They'd completely bury us in paperwork.  I'm just one guy with a shitty little P.I. firm.	-- who happens to know they poisoned people and lied about it.
-And this shit is bad news, Mr. Masry.  Not only does it attack every organ of the body, it fucks with your DNA, too.  That means these people's genes, and the genes of their kids, and the genes of their grandkids --	I know how DNA works, Erin --
-We can get these people.  With a little effort, I really think we can nail their asses to the wall.	Oh, you do?  With all your legal expertise, you believe that?
-Oh, you do?  With all your legal expertise, you believe that?	Okay, fine.  I don't know shit about shit. But I know the difference --
-How many families we talking about here?	Four more.  Eleven people.  So far.
-Four more.  Eleven people.  So far.	You think there's more?
-You think there's more?	Well -- I found one document at the water board that had a toxic test well reading from 1967.  A hell of a lot of people have lived on that land since then.
-This is a whole different ball game, Erin. A much bigger deal.	Kinda like David and what's-his-name?
-Kinda like David and what's-his-name?	Kinda like David and what's-his-name's whole fucking family.  Okay, here's the deal -- if, and only if, you find me the evidence to back all this up -- I'll do it.  I'll take it on.
-You're doing the right thing, Mr. Masry.	Yeah, yeah.  Remind me of that when I'm filing for bankruptcy.
-What now?	Another raise wouldn't hurt.  And with all the time I'm gonna be spending on the road, I'll probably be needing my own cel phone, won't I?
-Is that what I think it is?	She lived on the plume.  You never know.
-You wanna talk about --	No.
-They used the hex chrom here, in these cooling tanks, as an anti-corrosive.  Then they dumped it here, in these six ponds.	I don't remember seeing any ponds up there.
-They covered 'em over.  And not too carefully either, cause you dig one inch under the surface, and the dirt is green as a fucking shamrock.	And that's what caused the contamination?
-And that's what caused the contamination?	It didn't help, but no.  The real problem's on the bottom.
-See, according to this, they were supposed to line the ponds so this shit couldn't seep into the ground.  But guess what --	They skipped that step.
-They skipped that step.	I guess it was a little too inconvenient. So for fourteen years, this stuff flowed into the groundwater, free as you please.
-I guess it was a little too inconvenient. So for fourteen years, this stuff flowed into the groundwater, free as you please.	Jesus.  I don't even wanna ask what you did to make this Melendez guy talk.
-For your information, Frank cares what was in those ponds 'cause he used to spend half his day wading around them.  That was his job.	No shit.
-No shit.	No --
-Erin -- lemme tell you something.  If I'da put three researchers on this, I wouldn't expect them to dig up all the information you got here.  This is some damn good work.	Yeah?  Then gimme another raise.
-Yeah?  Then gimme another raise.	Hey, I got a staff to pay, plus rent, plus I haven't billed a minute of my time since I started on this case, so you can quit hitting me up like I'm rich or something.
-Don't give me that.  You're gonna get plenty rich off of this, Mr. 40 percent.  We got those PG&E fuckers by the balls here.	We've got the PG&E fuckers in Hinkley by the balls.  But nobody's getting rich unless we can pin this on the corporate PG&E fuckers in San Francisco.
-We've got the PG&E fuckers in Hinkley by the balls.  But nobody's getting rich unless we can pin this on the corporate PG&E fuckers in San Francisco.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	PG&E corporate is claiming they had no way of knowing what was going on in Hinkley.
-PG&E corporate is claiming they had no way of knowing what was going on in Hinkley.	Oh, they knew.  They had to know.
-Oh, they knew.  They had to know.	Show me the document that proves that.
-Then they didn't know.  And if they didn't know, we can't hit 'em for punitive damages. And punitive damages is where the money is.	Jesus Christ, Ed -- you know, the more I work on this thing, the more I realize what a crock of shit this legal system is.  Here we got a company that poisoned a whole aquifer -- that built a pool for a town, then filled it with toxic water -- and we're the ones who've gotta bust our ass proving things?  That's just not right.
-I like this case.	Really?  It makes me sick.
-Really?  It makes me sick.	Me too.  That's why I like it.  It's been a long time since I had a case I cared about.
-Me too.  That's why I like it.  It's been a long time since I had a case I cared about.	You didn't care about my case?
-You didn't care about my case?	I would now.
-Hey.  I like working with you.	Well, good, Ed.  I like working with you too.
-If they've sent that little shmuck Baum again, I'm gonna be real pissed off.	From their tone of voice on the phone, I'd say they're taking us more seriously.
-From their tone of voice on the phone, I'd say they're taking us more seriously.	Yeah, I heard that one before.
-Jesus.  They look like the Secret Service.	They're trying to intimidate us.  Tell them to wait in the conference room.
-Hey.  A new plaintiff called, wants to meet you.  I told him we'd be out there Thursday.	D'you get his name?  Course not.  Jesus, Ed --
-D'you get his name?  Course not.  Jesus, Ed --	He said he'd be at the gas station at six.
-He said he'd be at the gas station at six.	Boy, this job takes me to some of the best damn places, huh?
-Someone's following me.	What?  Who?
-What?  Who?	Some guy in a truck -- he waited till I was alone, then he followed me, like, two miles. Jesus, I'm shaking.  Get me a beer.
-What kind of truck?	I don't know.  Big.  Dark.
-I don't know.  Big.  Dark.	He's gone.  Did you get a license plate?  Or a make?
-He's gone.  Did you get a license plate?  Or a make?	No, Ed -- what with me running for my life, I didn't have time to check those things --
-No, Ed -- what with me running for my life, I didn't have time to check those things --	I was just asking.  Are you all right?
-I was just asking.  Are you all right?	Yeah.  Yeah, I'm ... fine.
-I want my fucking money --	I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to put you on hold for just one second here --  Do you mind?
-I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to put you on hold for just one second here --  Do you mind?	Yeah, I mind.  You bet your ass I mind.
-Oh, Jesus.  You wanna tell me what the problem is here, or --	It's my paycheck.  Which I earned.  Which I deserve.  Which I shouldn't have to beg for. That fat-ass bitch won't give it to me.
-It's my paycheck.  Which I earned.  Which I deserve.  Which I shouldn't have to beg for. That fat-ass bitch won't give it to me.	Erin, you're a big girl.  If you got a problem with Jane, work it out for yourself. I don't have time to deal with --
-Erin, you're a big girl.  If you got a problem with Jane, work it out for yourself. I don't have time to deal with --	Fuck you.  Make time.  Cause I bust my ass for you.  I watch everything else in my life go straight in the toilet, for you.  And what do you do for me?  Huh?  You see the way I'm treated around here -- but have you ever stood up for me once?  Have you ever mentioned to everyone what good work I'm doing?  Have you ever bothered saying, hey, Erin doesn't get paid the most cause she has the best tits; she gets paid the most cause she's the best God damn employee I've ever had?
-Fuck you.  Make time.  Cause I bust my ass for you.  I watch everything else in my life go straight in the toilet, for you.  And what do you do for me?  Huh?  You see the way I'm treated around here -- but have you ever stood up for me once?  Have you ever mentioned to everyone what good work I'm doing?  Have you ever bothered saying, hey, Erin doesn't get paid the most cause she has the best tits; she gets paid the most cause she's the best God damn employee I've ever had?	Is that what you want?
-Is that what you want?	I want my paycheck.  By the end of the day.
-I'll see what I can do.	You might want to think real hard about the amount, too.  My kids are sitting in the God damn parking lot right now, cause I still don't make enough to afford good child care. Makes me think about looking around for a job where I'm appreciated, for shit's sake.
-What kind of things come up?	Things like the head counsel for PG&E calling me with an offer.  20 million, plus attorney's fees.  Take it or leave it.
-Things like the head counsel for PG&E calling me with an offer.  20 million, plus attorney's fees.  Take it or leave it.	Whoa.  No shit.
-Whoa.  No shit.	It's about 50 thousand per plaintiff.
-It's about 50 thousand per plaintiff.	So what are you thinking?
-So what are you thinking?	I'm thinking ... I wish someone else had to make this decision.  50 thousand bucks is more than any other California toxic plaintiff has gotten. Ever.  But ...
-I'm thinking ... I wish someone else had to make this decision.  50 thousand bucks is more than any other California toxic plaintiff has gotten. Ever.  But ...	... but it won't cover Annabelle Daniels's medical bills.
-... but it won't cover Annabelle Daniels's medical bills.	And it's less than pocket change for PG&E.
-And it's less than pocket change for PG&E.	Do you think we'd do better by going to trial?
-Do you think we'd do better by going to trial?	Maybe.  but maybe not.  We still don't have anything linking this to PG&E corporate. Plus, there's the statute problem.  Plus, we're way short on manpower, so we'd need to bring on more lawyers ...
-Maybe.  but maybe not.  We still don't have anything linking this to PG&E corporate. Plus, there's the statute problem.  Plus, we're way short on manpower, so we'd need to bring on more lawyers ...	Plus, 40 percent of 20 million's a whole lot of money.
-Plus, 40 percent of 20 million's a whole lot of money.	It's eight million dollars, Erin.  Eight million dollars.
-Holy shit.  Who do they represent, God?	Don't joke.  They might.  So do me a favor and behave yourself for once.  Ed Masry to see Kurt Potter.
-What's a demur?	It's PG&E saying to the judge that we don't have a case.  Their lawyers go --
-Counts?	Reasons PG&E thinks it shouldn't go to --
-Why good?	He's got a reputation for doing all his --
-She insulted me!	Bullshit.  It was a misunderstanding.  But instead of handling it politely, instead of treating her with respect --
-Bullshit.  It was a misunderstanding.  But instead of handling it politely, instead of treating her with respect --	Why the fuck should I respect her?
-Because that's how people treat each other!	Not in my world.
-Not in my world.	Gee, I wonder why.
-If you tell me to relax, I'm gonna kick your fucking head off --	Erin, it's just a meeting.
-Erin, it's just a meeting.	"People don't fly down in their own god damn plane for ""just a meeting"" --"
-"People don't fly down in their own god damn plane for ""just a meeting"" --"	Look, you said you weren't feeling great.  I thought you should rest.
-Look, you said you weren't feeling great.  I thought you should rest.	Bullshit.  You'd drag me off my deathbed if it suited you.
-Bullshit.  You'd drag me off my deathbed if it suited you.	Okay, look.  It's an important meeting. Kurt thought, if it was just lawyers --
-Okay, look.  It's an important meeting. Kurt thought, if it was just lawyers --	Kurt thought?  What about you?  Do you think anymore?
-Look, this is serious now.  They're talking serious money --	And, what, I'm not serious?
-And, what, I'm not serious?	You're emotional.  You're erratic.  You say any God damn thing that comes into your head.  And I'm not saying that's bad.  That can be great; that can be a lot of fun --
-You're emotional.  You're erratic.  You say any God damn thing that comes into your head.  And I'm not saying that's bad.  That can be great; that can be a lot of fun --	"""Fun?""  Jesus, ""fun?""  I kill myself for a year and a half, hand you the best case of your life on a God damn silver platter, remind you of why you became a lawyer in the first place, and you think of me as ""fun?"""
-"""Fun?""  Jesus, ""fun?""  I kill myself for a year and a half, hand you the best case of your life on a God damn silver platter, remind you of why you became a lawyer in the first place, and you think of me as ""fun?"""	Okay, now you're making this personal, and it isn't --
-Okay, now you're making this personal, and it isn't --	Not personal?  That's my work in there, Ed. My sweat, my labor, my time.  If that's not personal, I don't know what is.
-How dare you take that away from me.	No one's taking anything --
-No one's taking anything --	Bullshit.  You stuck me in Siberia dictating to some God damn steno clerk so you could finish this thing without me.  After all I've done for you, that's the thanks I get.
-Don't give me that.  You've gotten plenty. You've been well-paid; you've gotten lots of perks ...	Perks?  Jesus -- perks?
-If you're here to fire me, your timing's lousy.	I'm not gonna fire you.  I wanted to.  But then you got sick, and that woulda made me look like a shit.  You embarrassed me, Erin.
-I'm not gonna fire you.  I wanted to.  But then you got sick, and that woulda made me look like a shit.  You embarrassed me, Erin.	I know.  I'm sorry.  Do I get to hear what happened anyway?
-Between 50 and 400 million, definitely?	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	And if you had to guess ...
-And if you had to guess ...	With nothing linking it to the corporate offices yet, I'd say we'll end up on the lower end of that.  Still a lot of money.
-With nothing linking it to the corporate offices yet, I'd say we'll end up on the lower end of that.  Still a lot of money.	So why would PG&E offer it?
-So why would PG&E offer it?	Because.  They know the evidence; they know they're gonna lose a jury trial.  Maybe they wouldn't lose 400 million bucks, but once you factor in all they'd spend on this case in the next ten years, it makes a lot of --
-Because.  They know the evidence; they know they're gonna lose a jury trial.  Maybe they wouldn't lose 400 million bucks, but once you factor in all they'd spend on this case in the next ten years, it makes a lot of --	Wait, what do you mean, ten years?
-Wait, what do you mean, ten years?	Five years, maybe, for a trial.  Double that for the appeal.
-Five years, maybe, for a trial.  Double that for the appeal.	I'm sorry, are you saying that if this thing goes to trial, it'll be ten years before these plaintiffs see their money?
-I'm sorry, are you saying that if this thing goes to trial, it'll be ten years before these plaintiffs see their money?	Hey, that's not so bad.  Compare it to the Love Canal -- that was twenty years ago, and those people still haven't seen a dime.  So in legal terms, ten years is --
-Hey, that's not so bad.  Compare it to the Love Canal -- that was twenty years ago, and those people still haven't seen a dime.  So in legal terms, ten years is --	Fuck legal terms.  We're talking about human beings here.  Sick people.  A whole bunch of them are gonna be dead in ten years.  They need their money now!  We gotta get 'em to agree to the arbitration, Ed.  We gotta get every damn one of those plaintiffs to --
-Fuck legal terms.  We're talking about human beings here.  Sick people.  A whole bunch of them are gonna be dead in ten years.  They need their money now!  We gotta get 'em to agree to the arbitration, Ed.  We gotta get every damn one of those plaintiffs to --	I know.  We're having a meeting, it's all set up --
-I know.  We're having a meeting, it's all set up --	When?  Where?
-When?  Where?	Tuesday at seven, at the Hinkley firehouse.
-Tuesday at seven, at the Hinkley firehouse.	Okay, good.  I think I should be the one to tell 'em, cause they trust me more than --
-Okay, good.  I think I should be the one to tell 'em, cause they trust me more than --	You're not gonna be there.
-You're not gonna be there.	The fuck I'm not.  I don't care what the doctor says --
-The fuck I'm not.  I don't care what the doctor says --	This isn't doctor's orders.  It's mine.  I'm saying you can't come.
-This isn't doctor's orders.  It's mine.  I'm saying you can't come.	Why not?
-Why not?	Because Kurt doesn't want to work with you. He thinks you're a loose cannon.
-Because Kurt doesn't want to work with you. He thinks you're a loose cannon.	Fuck Kurt.
-Fuck Kurt.	Erin --
-Erin --	No, I'm serious.  You know what Kurt Potter is?  He's the kind of guy who never would have taken this case in the first place. He's the kind of guy who would have sold these plaintiffs down the river when PG&E offered 20 million.  He doesn't work like us, Ed.  There's no little voice in his head telling him to do the right thing.
-Morning!	Erin?  What are you --
-Erin?  What are you --	You know what, Mr. Potter?  I completely forgot your birthday this year.  And seeing as how you've been so good to me, I think that is a terrible oversight.  So what I been doing over the last few days is I've been putting together a present for you.
-Ho - ly - shit.	Oh, now don't get all jealous, Ed.  I got a little something for you, too.
-I don't know what to say.	Say you were wrong.
-Say you were wrong.	I was wrong.
-I was wrong.	Say you shortchanged me and you shortchanged yourself.
-Say you shortchanged me and you shortchanged yourself.	I did.  Both.
-I did.  Both.	Say you'd be the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth if I didn't up and quit over all this.
-Say you'd be the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth if I didn't up and quit over all this.	The luckiest son of a bitch in the universe, Erin.  The luckiest son of a bitch in history.
-But I know you're not gonna quit on me.	How do you know that?
-How do you know that?	Cause you got a little voice in your head saying, do the right thing.  Give him another chance.
-Careful you don't spit from here; you could kill someone.	You see your office?
-You see your office?	Yeah.  Yours is nicer.
-Yeah.  Yours is nicer.	Oh, okay.  Here it comes.
-Oh, okay.  Here it comes.	Here what comes?
-Here what comes?	The extortion, the threats ...
-The extortion, the threats ...	I wasn't gonna --
-I wasn't gonna --	"""I can always find someplace else to work. Someplace that'll pay me a fortune and give me a view of the French Riviera ..."""
-"""I can always find someplace else to work. Someplace that'll pay me a fortune and give me a view of the French Riviera ..."""	Ed, I swear, I'm not --
-Ed, I swear, I'm not --	Okay, fine.  Fine  You backed me into a corner again.  You're holding me hostage ...
-What is that?	Take it.
-Two million dollars?	The firm took in sixty.  That's three percent.  Seemed like a fair bonus to me.
-When'd they file the demur?	Yesterday.
-How many counts?	Sixty-nine.  We've got good answers to all of 'em.
-Who's the judge?	Corey.
-Corey.	Good.
-I've also been thinking about the team. Responsibilities, who should cover what --	Right.
-Right.	I think we should makes some changes.
-I was working in the compressor, and out of nowhere the supervisor calls me up to the office and says, we're gonna give you a shredder machine, and send you on down to the warehouse.  We want you to get rid of all the documents stored out there.	Did he say why?
-Did he say why?	Nope.  And I didn't ask.
-Nope.  And I didn't ask.	Did you get a look at the stuff you destroyed?
-Did you get a look at the stuff you destroyed?	Well, it's pretty boring work, shredding -- you gotta find some way to entertain your mind.  So yeah, I took a look.
-Well, it's pretty boring work, shredding -- you gotta find some way to entertain your mind.  So yeah, I took a look.	And ...?
-And ...?	There was a lot of dull stuff -- vacation schedules, the like.  But then there were a few memos about the holding ponds.  The water in them.  They had readings from test wells, stuff like that.
-And you were told to destroy those?	That's right.
-Course as it turns out, I'm not a very good employee.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	Well.  There were a few documents that I somehow didn't get around to shredding.  That I kept instead.
-How come you didn't say anything when you found these things?	At the time, I thought, I got six kids, some of 'em want to go to college.  I can't afford to lose my job.  I told myself I was being honorable.  But there's nothing honorable in what I did.  Maybe that's why they picked me for the job. Maybe they knew what kind of man I was.
-Oh, hey -- lemme give you a hand there.	Thank you very much.  Aren't you a gentleman?  Mr. ...
-Thank you very much.  Aren't you a gentleman?  Mr. ...	Ross.
-Ross.	Ross.  Real pleased to meet you.  I'm Erin.
-Erin.  Cool.  What can I do for you, Erin?	Well, believe it or not, I am on the prowl for some water records.
-Well, believe it or not, I am on the prowl for some water records.	You come to the right place.
-You come to the right place.	I guess I did.
-I guess I did.	You just tell me what you want to look at and I'll be glad to dig 'em out for you.
-You just tell me what you want to look at and I'll be glad to dig 'em out for you.	I wish I knew.  It's for my boss.  He's fighting his water bill, and he wants me to find all manner of bills from all kinds of places.  The easiest thing would probably be if I just squeezed back there with you and poked around myself.  Would that be okay?
-I wish I knew.  It's for my boss.  He's fighting his water bill, and he wants me to find all manner of bills from all kinds of places.  The easiest thing would probably be if I just squeezed back there with you and poked around myself.  Would that be okay?	Heck, yeah.  Come on back.  Just gonna need you to sign in here --
-Pattee?  That your middle name?	Nope.  Maiden.
-Nope.  Maiden.	You're married.
-You're married.	Not anymore.
-You know what, Erin?  I got nothing but time here.  Why don't you let me do that for you, and you can get your kids some dinner.	Ross -- you are an absolute angel.
-Hey, Ross.  Tell me something.  Does PG&E pay you to cover their ass, or do you just do it out of the kindness of your heart?	I don't know what you're talking about.
-I don't know what you're talking about.	The fuck you don't.  No one calls me Pattee. That heavy-breathing sicko that called the other night could've only found out about me from you.  People are dying, Ross.  You got document after document here, right under your nose, that says why, and you haven't said word one about it.  I wanna know how the hell you sleep at night.
-What kind of chromium is it?	There's more than one kind?
-There's more than one kind?	Yes.  There's straight-up chromium -- does all kinds of good things for the body. There's chrom 3, which is fairly benign, and then there's chrom 6, hexavalent chromium, which, depending on the amounts, can be very harmful.
-Yes.  There's straight-up chromium -- does all kinds of good things for the body. There's chrom 3, which is fairly benign, and then there's chrom 6, hexavalent chromium, which, depending on the amounts, can be very harmful.	Harmful, like -- how?  What would you get?
-Harmful, like -- how?  What would you get?	With repeated exposure to toxic levels -- God, anything, really -- respiratory disease, liver failure, heart failure, reproductive failure, chronic headaches, bone or organ deterioration -- plus, of course, any type of cancer.
-So that stuff -- it kills people.	Oh, yeah.  Definitely.  Highly toxic, highly carcinogenic.  Bad, bad stuff.
-Oh, yeah.  Definitely.  Highly toxic, highly carcinogenic.  Bad, bad stuff.	Well, how do I find out what kind of chromium is up in Hinkley?
-Well, how do I find out what kind of chromium is up in Hinkley?	Have you been to the water board?
-Have you been to the water board?	Hunh-uh.  What's that?
-Hunh-uh.  What's that?	Every county has one.  They keep records of anything water-related within their jurisdiction.  You should be able to find something there.
-Every county has one.  They keep records of anything water-related within their jurisdiction.  You should be able to find something there.	County water board.  All righty, thanks.
-County water board.  All righty, thanks.	Good luck.  Oh -- I wouldn't advertise what you're looking for if I were you ...
-Put your napkins in your laps and eat up.	How come you're not eating?
-Mommy, can I get a flower?	Sweetheart, you can get a whole big bunch.
-I hate it too.  I hate this trip.	Oh, come on, where's your sense of adventure?  We're going someplace you never been before.
-Oh, come on, where's your sense of adventure?  We're going someplace you never been before.	I'm gonna hate it.
-Yeah.  A real moron.	Some kind of half-wit, no-good, big-haired, bimbo, I bet.
-Look, I know you're mad.  But the way this job is, things come up at the last minute, real important things, and I gotta deal with them.  Now I don't like me missing dinner any more than you do, but we're all gonna have to get used to it, cause the fact is, it's gonna happen sometimes.	It happens all the time.
-It happens all the time.	That's not true; we had dinner together just last night.
-What are you doing?  Where's George?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	George!
-Masry & Vititoe, can I help you?	Hi, Rosalind, this is Erin.  Brockovich. From the file room?  I was wondering if you could tell Mr. Masry that I'm following up on that real estate thing out of the office.
-You've been reading for hours.	"I'm a slow reader, on account of the fact that I look at the word ""dog"" and see ""god""."
-"I'm a slow reader, on account of the fact that I look at the word ""dog"" and see ""god""."	Hey, just so long as you see Him.
-Hey, Erin, I thought you were taking a sick day.	So did I.
-What's going on in there?	Some meeting.  With PG&E people.
-Some meeting.  With PG&E people.	PG& -- Are you sure?
-PG& -- Are you sure?	Yup.  They must be important, too, cause they came on a special plane.
-Hey, Ros, where are they?	In the conference --
-Hey, Ros.  Nice view, huh?	Yeah, I'm gonna start sleeping here.  Masry & Vititoe, can I -- damn it.  Does anyone know anything about these phones?
-There's no way a son of mine hates Funky Town.  It's impossible.	Well I hate it.
-Yeah.	Thank God we got you away from her, huh?
-Can I play roller hockey?	We'll see.
-We'll see.	When?
-Randy's mom said yes right away.	Well, God damn it, Matthew -- Randy's mom doesn't work eighteen-hour days, and Randy's dad didn't leave her, so figuring out who's gonna take who where is a little easier over at Randy's house.
-God damn it, Matthew.  What the hell are you doing out here?	I'm gonna go live with George.
-We'll work out the roller hockey thing, okay?  Whatever you want, we'll work it out. I promise.	You always say that.  Then you go to work and forget you promised.
-You always say that.  Then you go to work and forget you promised.	I never forget, honey.  I try, real hard. It's just, for some reason, I don't seem to be able to organize things right and -- when it comes to you guys, I end up falling short.
-I never forget, honey.  I try, real hard. It's just, for some reason, I don't seem to be able to organize things right and -- when it comes to you guys, I end up falling short.	You never fall short for the work people.  I guess maybe you just love them more.
-You never fall short for the work people.  I guess maybe you just love them more.	Oh, God, sweetheart, no.  There's nothing on Earth I love more than you.  Nothing.  I promise.
-She's one of the sick people?	Yeah.  She is.  But you know what?  That's why I'm helping her.  So she can get some medicine to make her feel better.
-How come her own mom isn't helping her?	Cause her own mom's real sick, too.
-Hey -- those are my files --	Yeah, we had them couriered over.  And listen, good work.  They're a great start. We're just going to have to spend a little time filling in the holes in your research.
-Excuse me -- Theresa, was it?  There are no holes in my research.	No offense.  There are just some things we need that you probably didn't know to ask.
-No offense.  There are just some things we need that you probably didn't know to ask.	Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot, okay?  I may not have a law degree, but I've spent 18 months on this case, and I know more about those plaintiffs than you ever will.
-Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot, okay?  I may not have a law degree, but I've spent 18 months on this case, and I know more about those plaintiffs than you ever will.	Erin.  You don't even have phone numbers for some of them.
-Erin.  You don't even have phone numbers for some of them.	Whose number do you need?
-Whose number do you need?	Everyone's.  This is a lawsuit.  We need to be able to contact the plaintiffs.
-Everyone's.  This is a lawsuit.  We need to be able to contact the plaintiffs.	I said, whose number do you need?
-I said, whose number do you need?	You don't know six hundreds plaintiffs' numbers by heart.
-Annabelle Daniels.	Annabelle Daniels.  714-454-9346.
-Okay, look -- I think we got off on the wrong foot here --	That's all you got, lady.  Two wrong feet. In fucking ugly shoes.
-Well, hello to you, darlin'.	What the hell do you think you're doing, making all that Goddamn noise?
-What the hell do you think you're doing, making all that Goddamn noise?	Just introducing myself to the neighbors.
-Just introducing myself to the neighbors.	Well, I'm the neighbors.  There, now we're introduced, so you can shut the fuck up.
-Ooh, now, see, if I'da known there was a beautiful woman next door, I'da done this different.  Let's start over.  My name's George.  What's yours?	Just think of me as the person next door who likes it quiet, and we'll get along fine.
-Just think of me as the person next door who likes it quiet, and we'll get along fine.	Now, don't be like that.  Tell you what. How about if I take you out on a date to apologize for my rudeness?
-You want my number?	I do.
-I do.	Which number do you want, George?
-Which number do you want, George?	You got more than one?
-You got more than one?	Shit, yeah.  I got numbers coming out of my ears.  Like, for instance, ten.
-Shit, yeah.  I got numbers coming out of my ears.  Like, for instance, ten.	Ten?
-Ten?	Sure.  That's one of my numbers.  It's how many months old my little girl is.
-Sure.  That's one of my numbers.  It's how many months old my little girl is.	You got a little girl?
-You got a little girl?	Yeah.  Sexy, huh?  And here's another: five. That's how old my other daughter is.  Seven is my son's age.  Two is how many times I been married and divorced.  You getting all this?  16 is the number of dollars in my bank account.  454-3943 is my phone number. And with all the other numbers I gave you, I'm guessing zero is the number of times you're gonna call it.
-No.	C'mon.  I bought 'em for you, to make up for that night.
-C'mon.  I bought 'em for you, to make up for that night.	Return 'em.  Maybe you'll get your money back.
-I had a good neighbor, George.  She was 60 and Mexican and she watched my kids for free.  Something tells me you're not gonna be able to measure up to that.	You need help with your kids?  I could probably do that.
-I'm not gonna leave my kids with you.	Why not?
-Why not?	Cause I don't even know you.
-Cause I don't even know you.	Yeah, and whose fault is that?
-Yeah.  I'm probably ruining them.	How?
-How?	I'm never here.  I gotta leave 'em with this weird sitter all afternoon who costs a fortune and smells like chicken fat.
-I'm never here.  I gotta leave 'em with this weird sitter all afternoon who costs a fortune and smells like chicken fat.	I was serious before, you know.  If you need someone to keep an eye on them -- after school or something -- I don't have a job now, so I'm around in the afternoons.
-I was serious before, you know.  If you need someone to keep an eye on them -- after school or something -- I don't have a job now, so I'm around in the afternoons.	Great.  Another deadbeat.
-Great.  Another deadbeat.	I'm not a deadbeat.  I work when I need to.
-I'm not a deadbeat.  I work when I need to.	Yeah?  And what do you do the rest of the time, live off your trust fund?
-Yeah?  And what do you do the rest of the time, live off your trust fund?	I do construction, which pays real good. And I make it last by living cheap.
-I do construction, which pays real good. And I make it last by living cheap.	I hope that's not supposed to impress me.
-I hope that's not supposed to impress me.	Are you this hard on everyone who tries to help you?
-Are you this hard on everyone who tries to help you?	It's been a while.  Maybe I'm just out of practice.
-It's been a while.  Maybe I'm just out of practice.	Then lemme remind you, the polite thing is to say, thank you, that's a real nice offer, I don't mind taking you up on it.
-Then lemme remind you, the polite thing is to say, thank you, that's a real nice offer, I don't mind taking you up on it.	Why in the hell would you want to watch my kids?
-Why in the hell would you want to watch my kids?	Cause I like kids.  I like hanging out with them.
-Cause I like kids.  I like hanging out with them.	Right.
-You're around every afternoon?	Yup.  Usually working on my bike.  No big deal.  If it doesn't work out, you can send 'em back to the chicken fat lady.
-This isn't gonna get you laid, you know.	Yeah, we'll just see about that, won't we?
-What're you doing?	Better safe than sorry.
-I'm gonna put a dead bolt on your front door, too.  This isn't exactly the safest neighborhood in the world, you know.	Thanks for reminding me.
-Thanks for reminding me.	I guess we get what we pay for, huh?
-You think it could make you sick, living in a place like this?	What do you mean?
-What are you doing here?	Fixing a leak under your sink.
-Great.	I'm gonna clean it up.
-What kind of person lives like this?  Huh? What kind of person lets her kids run around in a house crawling with bugs the size of housecats?	It's a simple thing.  Everybody gets them. All we gotta do is call an exterminator.
-It's a simple thing.  Everybody gets them. All we gotta do is call an exterminator.	I can't call an exterminator.  I can't afford one.  God, I can't even afford my phone.  I got fired.
-I can't call an exterminator.  I can't afford one.  God, I can't even afford my phone.  I got fired.	What?  But you been working so hard --
-What?  But you been working so hard --	Doesn't matter.  Doesn't make one bit of difference.  Oh God, George, how'd this happen to me? How'd I end up so ... so nothing?
-You're not nothing, Erin.	Well, I'm sure as hell not what I thought I was gonna be.  I was supposed to have one of those great lives, with everything all laid- out and perfect.  I mean, hell -- I was Miss Wichita, for God's sakes.  Did I tell you that?  You live next door to a real live beauty queen.  I still got the tiara.  I kept it cause I thought it meant something.  I thought it meant I was gonna do something great with my life.  I thought it proved I was gonna grow up to be someone.
-Well, I'm sure as hell not what I thought I was gonna be.  I was supposed to have one of those great lives, with everything all laid- out and perfect.  I mean, hell -- I was Miss Wichita, for God's sakes.  Did I tell you that?  You live next door to a real live beauty queen.  I still got the tiara.  I kept it cause I thought it meant something.  I thought it meant I was gonna do something great with my life.  I thought it proved I was gonna grow up to be someone.	You are someone.
-You are someone.	No I'm not.  Look at me.  I'm not.
-No I'm not.  Look at me.  I'm not.	You're someone to me.  You're someone real special to me.
-George, I am just trying to do something nice for my kids on my one day off.  Could you please not give me a hard time about it?	One toy per kid is doing something nice. Four is ... something else.
-One toy per kid is doing something nice. Four is ... something else.	Well, hell, I guess that's it, then, huh? They're scarred for life.  They're gonna start holding up 7-11's any day now.
-Well, hell, I guess that's it, then, huh? They're scarred for life.  They're gonna start holding up 7-11's any day now.	I'm just saying --
-I'm just saying --	I know what you're saying, and I don't wanna hear it.  I am doing the best I can.
-I'm not gonna quit cause of one creepy phone call, George.	Come on, Erin.  A job's supposed to pay your bills, not put you in danger.
-Come on, Erin.  A job's supposed to pay your bills, not put you in danger.	I'm not in danger.  I have a dead bolt. Remember?
-Look, don't take this the wrong way, but don't you think you might be out of your league here?	No, see -- that's exactly what those arrogant PG&E fucks want me to think -- that because they got all this money and power, we don't stand a chance in hell against them.  But you know what?  They're wrong.
-It doesn't have to be this complicated, Erin.  There's a lot of jobs out there.	How would you know?
-You mind telling me what that's supposed to mean?	Nothing.
-Nothing.	If you got a problem with me taking care of your kids instead of getting some job, just say so.
-If you got a problem with me taking care of your kids instead of getting some job, just say so.	I didn't say that.
-I didn't say that.	Cause I can get a job.  I will.  And you can start leaving the kids with the chicken fat lady again.  Would that make you happy?
-Cause I can get a job.  I will.  And you can start leaving the kids with the chicken fat lady again.  Would that make you happy?	Keep your voice down.
-Keep your voice down.	I know what they can sleep through, Erin.  I probably know it better than you.
-I'm so tired I'm about to drive off the road.  Keep me awake, willya?	What do you want, a joke?
-What do you want, a joke?	No, no jokes, I gotta pee.  Just tell me about your day.  What went on back there?
-No, no jokes, I gotta pee.  Just tell me about your day.  What went on back there?	Well, come to think of it, we did have a big event around here.  Beth started talking.
-Well, come to think of it, we did have a big event around here.  Beth started talking.	What?  Beth?  My Beth?
-What?  Beth?  My Beth?	"Yeah.  We were sitting around at lunch and she pointed at a ball and said, ""ball."""
-I'm bored, and so are the kids.	Just a few more minutes, then we can go.  Take her, will you?
-I'm just saying -- we have one night to ourselves, why do we have to spend it here?	Cause it's my office party.  If you had an office, I'd go to your party.
-That's Ed.	Lock the door.
-Lock the door.	No, I wanna say hi.
-It wouldn't kill you to talk about something other than yourself and your own fucking job once in a while --	What do you want to talk about instead? Your day?  That's a fascinating subject.
-Fuck you.  Just cause I don't spend all day trying to prove what hot shit I am --	That is not what I'm --
-That is not what I'm --	Bullshit, Erin.  Bullshit.
-What's going on?  What are you doing?	Thinking.
-Thinking.	About what?
-About this.	What's that?
-What's that?	It's a pair of earrings.  I saw 'em in the mall one day, and I thought, damn, those would look good on those beautiful earlobes. So I bought 'em.  And I said to myself, next time Erin says something nice, does something nice, I'll surprise her with 'em.  Know how long ago that was?  Six months.  In six months, you haven't said one nice thing to me.  That's a long time.
-It's a pair of earrings.  I saw 'em in the mall one day, and I thought, damn, those would look good on those beautiful earlobes. So I bought 'em.  And I said to myself, next time Erin says something nice, does something nice, I'll surprise her with 'em.  Know how long ago that was?  Six months.  In six months, you haven't said one nice thing to me.  That's a long time.	I'm sorry.  I'm just working so hard --
-I'm sorry.  I'm just working so hard --	I know.  But still.  Six months.  I think you oughta either find a different job or a different boyfriend.  Cause there may be men who don't mind being the maid and getting nothing in return, but I'm sure as shit not one of 'em.
-I know.  But still.  Six months.  I think you oughta either find a different job or a different boyfriend.  Cause there may be men who don't mind being the maid and getting nothing in return, but I'm sure as shit not one of 'em.	I can't leave my job, George.
-I can't leave my job, George.	Yeah, you can.  You could just quit.  People do it all the time.
-Yeah, you can.  You could just quit.  People do it all the time.	I can't.  Look -- this job -- it's the best thing that ever happened to me.  I mean it. For the first time in my life, I got people respecting me.  Up in Hinkley, I walk into a room and everyone shuts up just to hear what I got to say.  I never had that.  Ever. Don't ask me to give it up.  I need it.
-I can't.  Look -- this job -- it's the best thing that ever happened to me.  I mean it. For the first time in my life, I got people respecting me.  Up in Hinkley, I walk into a room and everyone shuts up just to hear what I got to say.  I never had that.  Ever. Don't ask me to give it up.  I need it.	More than you need me.
-More than you need me.	I need it.
-You already packed up your stuff?	I pretty much knew what your answer was gonna be.
-They said that'd be tomorrow.  They just wanna keep an eye on me another night.	Fine.  I'll drop 'em off tomorrow afternoon.
-Thank you.	Mm-hm.
-Hello?	Hi.  It's me.  I got a favor to ask you.
-Hi.  It's me.  I got a favor to ask you.	I don't do favors for you anymore.
-I don't do favors for you anymore.	It's not for me; it's for my kids.  You're the only one I trust them with.
-They up?	Hunh-uh.  Not yet.  Look, don't take any of 'em on your bike, okay?  Call a cab if you wanna go somewhere.
-How long's this whole thing gonna take?	I don't know.  Few days.  Thanks for helping me.  I appreciate it.
-And I miss you.	Yeah, well -- good help is hard to find.
-Think you could learn?	You know me.  I pick things up real fast.
-You shouldn't be driving around, you know. You're sick.	Yeah, but I'm gonna get better.  A lot of these folks aren't.
-What time is it?	Real early.  We're just gonna take your car to get some breakfast.
-No, I need my car --	We'll just be a minute.  Get a little more sleep.
-Promise you'll turn around if you get tired.	I will.  Bye.
-I'm embarrassed.	That's okay.  I understand.
-That's okay.  I understand.	It's just -- the pain.  It's only getting worse.  I can't be a good wife.  I can't be a good mother.
-It's just -- the pain.  It's only getting worse.  I can't be a good wife.  I can't be a good mother.	I'm real sorry, Laura.
-Know what I always thought I wanted outta life, Erin?  A Jaguar.	Jaguar's a darn pretty car.
-Jaguar's a darn pretty car.	I thought if I could spend that kinda money on a car, it'd mean everything else was fine.  I don't even know how much they cost.
-I thought if I could spend that kinda money on a car, it'd mean everything else was fine.  I don't even know how much they cost.	A lot.  But you hang in there, maybe you'll get one.
-I mean, it's not a problem or anything, but -- I'm just a little unclear on what those things are.  I thought maybe you'd know.	What do I look like, Erin?  A library?
-Someone stole my stuff.	Nice to see you, Erin.  We've missed you.
-Nice to see you, Erin.  We've missed you.	I had photos of my kids, plus a mug --
--- toothbrush, toothpaste, and a pair of hose.  Here.	What's going on?
-What's going on?	There may be jobs where you can disappear for days at a time, but this isn't one of them.  Here, if you don't do the work, you don't get to stay.
-What am I supposed to do, check in every two seconds?	Yes.  It's called accountability.
-Yes.  It's called accountability.	I am not talking to you, bitch.
-I am not talking to you, bitch.	Excuse me?
-Where's my paycheck?	Have you been logging on?
-Have you been logging on?	What?
-What?	I moved payroll onto the computer.  It only knows to process paychecks for employees who log on in the morning and off at night.
-I moved payroll onto the computer.  It only knows to process paychecks for employees who log on in the morning and off at night.	Now how'm I supposed to do that when I'm not in here most mornings and nights?
-Now how'm I supposed to do that when I'm not in here most mornings and nights?	You're clever.  I'm sure you'll think of something.
-Excuse me, are you Erin Brockovich?	Yeah.  Who are you?
-When Donna told us about you, and what you told her about the chromium, we figured that might have something to do with this, too.	It sure could, yeah.  Thanks a lot.
-There's something else, too.	What?
-I know.  It's an awful lot.	I'm surprised Donna didn't say anything.
-You know that thing it says in here about rashes?	Uh-huh?
-Uh-huh?	Well, this old neighbor of mine, Bob Linwood -- he ran the dairy on Community -- seemed like someone in his family always had a rash somewhere or other.  I just figured it was something in the genes.  And you know how it is -- you don't like to ask about things like that ...
-Hi, sweetie.  Were you a good girl?  Where are Matt and Katie?	Outside with the sprinkler.  So it's good?
-It'll be fine, yeah.	Ai, bueno.  Because I didn't want to tell you before, with your worries --
-Ai, bueno.  Because I didn't want to tell you before, with your worries --	What?
-What?	My daughter, she's bought a big house with a room for me.  I'm going to move in with her.
-My daughter, she's bought a big house with a room for me.  I'm going to move in with her.	You're moving away?  When?
-You're moving away?  When?	Next week.
-Next week.	Wow, that's soon --
-Wow, that's soon --	I know.  But it's good for me.  Now I can help my daughter take care of my grandkids. And it's good for you, too.  Now you have money, you can find a good babysitter, huh? Not the old lady next door.
-Dr. Paulsen?	Yes?
-Yes?	Hi, I'm Erin Brockovich.  I was just over in the library there, asking a mess of questions about -- I guess they call it epidemiology? -- and the fella there told me to find you, cause you know all about it.
-Hi, I'm Erin Brockovich.  I was just over in the library there, asking a mess of questions about -- I guess they call it epidemiology? -- and the fella there told me to find you, cause you know all about it.	Is this a joke?  Did Baxter put you up to this?
-Is this a joke?  Did Baxter put you up to this?	Who's Baxter?
-Who's Baxter?	He did, didn't he?  Baxter!
-Oh.  Oh.	No one put me up to anything.  I was just hoping I could ask you a couple questions.
-No one put me up to anything.  I was just hoping I could ask you a couple questions.	Of course!  Oh, gosh, of course --
-Well, look, there isn't a ton of information here, but from what there is, I'd say that these two people here -- what are their names?  Shanna and Ashley?	Right, I guess those are the kids --
-Right, I guess those are the kids --	They've both got some immune system problem. Can't say what from, whether it's viral or genetic or what, but something's wrong.  And these guys -- Donna and Peter --
-They've both got some immune system problem. Can't say what from, whether it's viral or genetic or what, but something's wrong.  And these guys -- Donna and Peter --	Their parents, I'm pretty sure.
-Their parents, I'm pretty sure.	Well, from what this stuff says, I'd say they both have some form of cancer.
-... and when I realized our area's just as bad as Hinkley, I thought maybe my neighbors are all sick too.  So I went and asked.	You did?
-Uh-huh.  Spent the last few days knocking on doors.  And you know what?  They're not.  I mean, they got problems, but none of this cancer stuff.  And their pets are fine.  So I don't know -- I just can't shake the feeling that it wasn't no multivitamin they put in the water.	Well, if you're talking about contamination, you're getting out of my area of expertise. Let me give you the name of a toxicologist friend of mine over at USC.
-I gotta say, Erin -- first time I saw you, I did not peg you as the kind to go off and conduct her own epidemiological study.	Don't go telling anyone.  It'll ruin my reputation.
-It was .... the Emperor ....	The Emperor?
-The Emperor?	Yes, he commands you make contact with him ....
-Yes, he commands you make contact with him ....	Move this ship out of the asteroid field and into a position where we can send a clear transmission.
-Move this ship out of the asteroid field and into a position where we can send a clear transmission.	Yes, My Lord.
-Yes, My Lord.	And code the signal to my private chamber.
-My lord.	Come in, Admiral.
-Our pursuit ships have sighted the Millennium Falcon, My Lord.  It has entered an asteroid field.	Asteroids don't concern me, Admiral. I want that ship, not excuses.  How long until you can have Skywalker and the others in the Millennium Falcon before me?
-Asteroids don't concern me, Admiral. I want that ship, not excuses.  How long until you can have Skywalker and the others in the Millennium Falcon before me?	Soon, Lord Vader.
-Soon, Lord Vader.	Yes, Admiral .... soon.
-Lord Vader, our ships have completed their scan of the area and found nothing.  The Millennium Falcon definitely went into lightspeed. It's probably on the other side of the galaxy by now.	Alert all commands.  Calculate every possible destination along their last known trajectory and disburse the fleet to search for them.  Don't fail me again, Admiral, I've had quite enough!
-Alert all commands.  Calculate every possible destination along their last known trajectory and disburse the fleet to search for them.  Don't fail me again, Admiral, I've had quite enough!	Yes, My Lord.  We'll find them.
-He will learn patience.	Much anger in him, like in his father.
-Much anger in him, like in his father.	We've discussed this before.
-He can do it.	This one I have watched a long time.  All his life has he looked away ... to the horizon, to the sky, to the future.  Never his mind on where he was, on what he was doing.  Adventure, excitement ...  A Jedi craves not these things!
-He'll learn.	He's too old.  Yes.  Too old to start the training.
-Will he finish what he begins?	We've come this far ... He is our only hope.
-Stopped they must be.  Do you hear?  On this all depends.	You are the last Jedi, Luke.  You are our only hope.  Be patient.
-Luke, use The Force only for knowledge and for defense, not as a weapon.  Don't give in to hate or anger or fear ... they lead the way to the dark side ... Luke nods and climbs back into his ship.	Strong is Vader.  Clouded is your fate.  Mind what you have learned ... Notice everything, everything!  It can save you.
-Told you, I did.  Reckless is he ... Now things are going to worse.	The boy is our last hope.
-The boy is our last hope.	No ... there is another.
-I can't ...	You must.  Luke, look at me!
-You must survive, Luke.	I'm cold ... so cold ...
-I'm cold ... so cold ...	You must go to the Dagobah System ... There you will learn from one who taught me:  Yoda, the Jedi Master.
-You must go to the Dagobah System ... There you will learn from one who taught me:  Yoda, the Jedi Master.	Ben ... Ben ...
-Ben ... Ben ...	Luke ... you are the only hope.
-... Luke, you must not go.	But Han and Leia will surely die.
-But Han and Leia will surely die.	You don't know that.  Even I cannot see their fate.
-You don't know that.  Even I cannot see their fate.	I can help them!
-I can help them!	You're not ready yet.  You still have much to learn.
-You're not ready yet.  You still have much to learn.	I feel The Force.
-I feel The Force.	But you cannot control it.  This is a dangerous time for you, Luke. You are now most susceptible to the temptations of the dark side.
-Will you?  You underestimate The Emperor.  It is you he wants ... that is why your friends suffer.	And that is why I must go.
-And that is why I must go.	Luke, I will not lose you to the Emperor, as I lost Vader.
-Luke, I will not lose you to the Emperor, as I lost Vader.	You won't.
-You won't.	Only a fully trained Jedi Knight, with The Force as his ally, will conquer Vader and his Emperor. If you end your training now, if you choose the quick and easy path ... as Vader did ... you will become an agent of evil ... and the galaxy will be plunged deeper into the abyss of hate, despair and pain that you feel your friends suffering now.
-How you doing, Chewbacca?  Still wasting your time with this clown, eh?	Growls a reserved greeting.
-Growls a reserved greeting.	Right.
-Barks at the mention of food. Licks his lips.	Everyone's invited, of course.
-Barks a blue streak.	What's wrong with him?
-Three patrol ships are heading our way.	Barks an argument and shakes his head.
-Turns on Lando, the newcomer, with an ominous growl.	Okay, okay.
-Howls.	We're not out of this yet.
-Well, it's been awhile.	Barks and growls at his boss.
-Barks and growls at his boss.	That was a long time ago.  I'm sure he's forgotten all about it, and so should you.
-Howls and shrugs his shoulders.	Why don't we just turn him over to Lando to fix?
-Barks at Han.	Not now, Chewie.  Lando, aren't you afraid the Empire might discover this little operation and shut you down?
-Barks his concern.	No, I'm alright.  I'm alright.
-Barks a doleful farewell.	I'm sure I'll see you again, too. Keep well.  You'd better chain him until it's over.
-Barks at his master.	What happened?
-We should have stayed and finished them off.	Barks his agreement.
-I don't care.  It would've been worth it .... for Han.	Barks his Òright on!Ó
-... the power?	Howls.
-Barks his consternation.	Chewie, head for the bottom of the city.
-Okay, Chewie, it's now or never.	Barks his agreement.
-... Like we're being watched.	Away put your weapon.  I mean you no harm.
-I'm looking for someone.	Looking?  Looking?  You've found someone I'd say.  Heh?  Yes!
-Looking?  Looking?  You've found someone I'd say.  Heh?  Yes!	Yeah ...
-Yeah ...	Help you I can ... yes ... yes.
-Help you I can ... yes ... yes.	I'm looking for a great warrior.
-I'm looking for a great warrior.	A great warrior?  Not many on those.  Wars don't make one great.
-Listen, friend, we didn't mean to land here, and if I could get my fighter out of this puddle I would, but I can't.  So ...	Can't get your ship out?  Have you tried?  Have you tried?
-Give me that!	Mine!  Mine!  Or I'll help you not.
-I don't want your help.  I want my lamp back.  I'll need it in this slimy mudhole.	Mudhole?  Slimy?  My home this is.
-Mine, mine.	Okay, Artoo, let him have it. Now get out of here, little fellow, we've got things to do.
-Okay, Artoo, let him have it. Now get out of here, little fellow, we've got things to do.	No, no!  I'll stay and help you find your friend.
-No, no!  I'll stay and help you find your friend.	I'm not looking for a friend. I'm looking for a Jedi Master.
-I'm not looking for a friend. I'm looking for a Jedi Master.	Oh, a Jedi Master.  Different altogether.  Yoda you seek, Yoda.
-Oh, a Jedi Master.  Different altogether.  Yoda you seek, Yoda.	You know the Jedi Master?
-You know the Jedi Master?	Of course, yes.  But now eat we must.  Good food, I have good food.  Come, come.
-... I told you, I'm not hungry.	Patience.  It's time to eat.
-Patience.  It's time to eat.	Look, it smells good.  I'm sure it's delicious   But I don't know why we can't see Yoda now.
-Look, it smells good.  I'm sure it's delicious   But I don't know why we can't see Yoda now.	It's the Jedi's time to eat, too.
-It's the Jedi's time to eat, too.	Will it take long to get there? How far away is he?
-Will it take long to get there? How far away is he?	Not far, not far.  Be patient. Soon you will see him.  Why wish you become a Jedi?
-Not far, not far.  Be patient. Soon you will see him.  Why wish you become a Jedi?	Because of my father, I guess.
-Because of my father, I guess.	Oh, your father ... a powerful Jedi was he, powerful Jedi.
-Oh, your father ... a powerful Jedi was he, powerful Jedi.	How could you know my father? You don't even know who I am.  Can't we get on with this already?
-Yes sir!	Sergeant, is Commander Skywalker back yet?
-Sergeant, is Commander Skywalker back yet?	I haven't seen him.  He probably came in through the south entrance.
-I haven't seen him.  He probably came in through the south entrance.	Probably isn't good enough, Sergeant. Check on it!
-Commander Skywalker hasn't come through the south entrance, sir. Maybe he slipped by without checking in.	Not likely!  Where are the speeders?
-Not likely!  Where are the speeders?	We haven't got them adapted to this cold yet ...
-We haven't got them adapted to this cold yet ...	We'll have to go out on Tauntauns.
-We'll have to go out on Tauntauns.	The temperature is dropping too fast.
-The temperature is dropping too fast.	You bet it is ... and Luke's out in it.
-The night storms will start before you can reach the first marker.	Then I'll see you in Hell.
-What is thy bidding, My Master?	There is a grave disturbance in The Force.
-There is a grave disturbance in The Force.	I have felt it.
-I have felt it.	Our situation is most precarious. We have a new enemy who could bring about our destruction.
-Our situation is most precarious. We have a new enemy who could bring about our destruction.	Our destruction?  Who?
-Our destruction?  Who?	The son of Skywalker.  You must destroy him ... or he will be our undoing.
-The son of Skywalker.  You must destroy him ... or he will be our undoing.	He's not a Jedi, he's just a boy. Obi-wan could not have taught him so much that ...
-He's not a Jedi, he's just a boy. Obi-wan could not have taught him so much that ...	You are weak!  I have seen it. The Force is strong with him. He must be destroyed.
-You are weak!  I have seen it. The Force is strong with him. He must be destroyed.	But, if he could be turned, he would be a powerful ally.
-But, if he could be turned, he would be a powerful ally.	Yes ... yes.  That would be a great asset.
-Yes ... yes.  That would be a great asset.	He will join us or die, My Master.
-Captain Solo.  What's the situation?	There isn't a hint of life in the area.  But all the perimeter markers are set, so you'll know if anyone comes calling.
-There isn't a hint of life in the area.  But all the perimeter markers are set, so you'll know if anyone comes calling.	Good, and Commander Skywalker?
-Good, and Commander Skywalker?	He's checking out a meteorite that hit near him. He'll be in soon.
-He's checking out a meteorite that hit near him. He'll be in soon.	With all the meteor activity in this system, it's going to be difficult to spot approaching ships.
-With all the meteor activity in this system, it's going to be difficult to spot approaching ships.	The Empire won't look for you out here.  I'd say you're all set ... which means it's time for me to get going.
-That's right.	You're an extraordinary fighter. I hate to lose you.
-You're an extraordinary fighter. I hate to lose you.	Thank you, General.  But there's a price on my head.  If I don't pay off Jabba the Hutt, I'm a walking dead man.
-Thank you, General.  But there's a price on my head.  If I don't pay off Jabba the Hutt, I'm a walking dead man.	I understand.  A death mark is not an easy thing to live with ... Until our paths cross again, may the force be with you.
-Whatever it is, it isn't friendly. I'm going to have a look.  Come on, Chewie.	Wait.  I'll send a patrol with you.
-Wait.  I'll send a patrol with you.	Fine.  But they'll have to take care of themselves.
-Captain Solo, sir. Might I have a word with you?	What is it?
-What is it?	Mistress Leia has been trying to reach you on the communicator, but either you have it turned off, or it is malfunctioning ... if it's damaged, Artoo, could fix it, if you like.
-Mistress Leia has been trying to reach you on the communicator, but either you have it turned off, or it is malfunctioning ... if it's damaged, Artoo, could fix it, if you like.	I shut it off.  What's her royal holiness want?
-I shut it off.  What's her royal holiness want?	She is looking for Master Luke, and assumed he would be here with you.  No one seems to know ...
-I don't know, Artoo.  Sir, might I inquire what's going on?	Go tell your precious Princess ... Luke is dead unless he shows up soon.
-He doesn't make sense to me either, Chewie.	I do hope he's all there ... if you take my meaning.  I would hate to see Master Luke develop a short circuit ...
-I do hope he's all there ... if you take my meaning.  I would hate to see Master Luke develop a short circuit ...	The kid ran into something mean, and it wasn't the cold.
-Transport XJ. get out of here. Go!	The energy shield is down.  We'll be stuck here forever.
-Sir, I was wondering ...	Sit down, and shut up!
-Sit down, and shut up!	It can wait.
-I think we're in trouble.	If I may say so, Sir, I noticed earlier that the entire main para- light system seems to be damaged.
-If I may say so, Sir, I noticed earlier that the entire main para- light system seems to be damaged.	We're in trouble!
-What are you so grouchy about?	Sir, I'm almost afraid to ask, but does shutting down all but emergency power systems include me?
-You, too, golden rod.	I must admit there are times I don't understand human behavior.
-It sounds like it's trying to get in.	I'm going to see what it is.
-We're doomed.  Goodbye, Mistress Leia.  Goodbye, Captain ...	Not collapsing, honey.  It's closing!  This is no cave ...
-I can see the edge of the asteroid field, sir.	Good.  Soon as we're clear, we'll kick this baby into hyperdrive.
-Yes, Your Highness?	You said you were going to stay. What happened?
-You said you were going to stay. What happened?	That bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mantell changed my mind.
-That bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mantell changed my mind.	Does Luke know?
-Does Luke know?	He'll know when he gets back ... Don't give me that look.  Every day more bounty hunters are searching for me.  If I don't pay off Jabba soon, there'll be too many to stop ... Remotes, Gank killers, and who knows what else.  I've got to get that price off my head while I still have a head.
-He'll know when he gets back ... Don't give me that look.  Every day more bounty hunters are searching for me.  If I don't pay off Jabba soon, there'll be too many to stop ... Remotes, Gank killers, and who knows what else.  I've got to get that price off my head while I still have a head.	Han, we need you here.
-Han, we need you here.	We?
-We?	Yes.
-Yes.	Not you?
-Not you?	Me?  I don't know what you mean.
-Me?  I don't know what you mean.	You probably don't.  How could you?  You're so terrified of your own emotions ...
-You probably don't.  How could you?  You're so terrified of your own emotions ...	And what are they, pray tell?
-And what are they, pray tell?	You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me.
-You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me.	I respect you.  You're a bold fighter, maybe not the brightest, but ... HAN No, your worship.. That's not what I'm talking about.
-Am I?  I say you came running after me because you were afraid I was leaving you without even a kiss.	I'd just as soon kiss a wookiee.
-I'd just as soon kiss a wookiee.	There's no accounting for taste. Believe me, you could use a good kiss.  You've spent so much time doing your duty and giving orders you've never learned how to be a woman. It's a shame, because you've got all the makings for one.  I could have helped you plenty in that department ... if you'd have let go for a minute.  But it's too late now, sweetheart.  Your big opportunity is flying out of here.
-There's no accounting for taste. Believe me, you could use a good kiss.  You've spent so much time doing your duty and giving orders you've never learned how to be a woman. It's a shame, because you've got all the makings for one.  I could have helped you plenty in that department ... if you'd have let go for a minute.  But it's too late now, sweetheart.  Your big opportunity is flying out of here.	We are fighting for a cause much ...
-We are fighting for a cause much ...	Spare me please!  Don't tell me about the Rebellion again.  I've had it with your noble mission. All you let yourself think about is the Rebellion.  The result is you're as cold as this planet.
-Spare me please!  Don't tell me about the Rebellion again.  I've had it with your noble mission. All you let yourself think about is the Rebellion.  The result is you're as cold as this planet.	And you think you're the one to apply some heat?
-And you think you're the one to apply some heat?	Sure ... If I were interested. But I don't think it'd be much fun.
-Those creatures he keeps talking about ... we'd better double the security ... Han, I don't know how ...	Forget it.
-Now all we've got to worry about is what attacked him.	No kidding.  If this snowball's got nasty natives, they could be anywhere.
-.... I'm afraid there's not much left.	What was it?
-What was it?	Droid of some kind.  I didn't hit it that hard.  It must have had a self-destruct ....
-Droid of some kind.  I didn't hit it that hard.  It must have had a self-destruct ....	An Imperial probe droid.
-An Imperial probe droid.	Now don't panic.  We don't know that.
-Well, your worship, it looks like you arranged to keep me close by for a while longer.	I had nothing to do with it.  General Rieekan thinks it's dangerous for any ships to leave the system until we know where that probe came from.
-I don't know what he's talking about.	Ooops!  I guess you haven't told Luke about that yet.
-You must have gone completely out of your feeble mind.	Come on, your highness, are you telling me you haven't been thinking about that kiss?
-Why you low-down, stuck-up, half- witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder.	Who's scruffy-looking?  I tell ya' sweetheart, I must've hit pretty close to the mark to get you hoppin' like this.  Doesn't it look that way to you, Luke?
-Hey!  Someone's still in here.	Wait, don't open it ... that's one of the traps for the ice creatures.
-Would it help if I got out and pushed?	Don't worry, your holiness, I'll get her started.
-This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade.	This baby's got a few surprises left in her.
-This baby's got a few surprises left in her.	I'll be surprised if we ever start moving.
-I know, I know, I see them ... LEIA See what?	Two more Star Destroyers heading right at us.
-Two more Star Destroyers heading right at us.	I'm glad you said there was going to be no problem, or I'd be worried.
-That was no laser blast .... some- thing hit us ....	Or you ran into something ....
-Asteroids!  Chewie, bank left, let's find out where they're coming from ...	Probably an asteroid field ....
-Probably an asteroid field ....	Let's hope so ... it's just the chance we need.
-Let's hope so ... it's just the chance we need.	To get killed ... you're not seriously going into an asteroid field?
-To get killed ... you're not seriously going into an asteroid field?	Aren't I?  Hang on, sweetheart. We're gonna do some flyin'.
-Well, you said you wanted to be there when I was wrong.	I take it back.
-I take it back.	That Star Destroyer is slowing down.
-That Star Destroyer is slowing down.	Good.
-But we're going to get pulverized if we stay out here much longer.	I'm against that.
-I'm against that.	We've got to get out of this shower.
-We've got to get out of this shower.	Now you're making sense.
-Now you're making sense.	Right.  I'm going to get in closer to one of these big ones ...
-There, there.  Chewie get a reading on that.  Looks pretty good.	What is it?
-What is it?	That should do nicely.
-Why, Princess, this is so sudden.	Very funny.  You can let go now .... I'm getting angry.
-Very funny.  You can let go now .... I'm getting angry.	You don't look angry.
-You don't look angry.	How do I look?
-How do I look?	Beautiful.
-Sorry, Captain, being held by you isn't enough to get me excited.	Well, I hope you don't expect more.
-Well, I hope you don't expect more.	I don't expect anything, except to be left alone.
-I don't expect anything, except to be left alone.	Fine with me.  But I'm afraid you'll have to let go.
-That was no earthquake.	Felt like a hydro concussion ... an Imperial Cruiser.
-They're moving away.	They're just trying to see if they can stir something up ... we're safe.
-They're just trying to see if they can stir something up ... we're safe.	Where have I heard that before?
-Easy, your worship.  Only trying to help.	Would you please stop calling me that?
-Sure.  I guess I make it difficult sometimes.	Yes, you do.
-Yes, you do.	You could be a touch warmer, though.  Admit it, against your better judgment you think I'm all right.
-Sometimes, maybe ... occasionally, when you aren't acting like a scoundrel.	That's quite a compliment.
-Stop that.	Why?
-What are you afraid of?	Afraid of?  Certainly not you Captain Solo ... or any other man in this galaxy.
-Don't count on it.  I happen to like nice men.	Sure, they're safer.  You always know what they're going to do. Trouble is, it gets a little dull.
-Sure, they're safer.  You always know what they're going to do. Trouble is, it gets a little dull.	There's nothing dull about a man I can depend on to be civilized.
-There's nothing dull about a man I can depend on to be civilized.	You mean a man you can control.
-You mean a man you can control.	I do not!
-I do not!	Try and control this ...
-There's something out there!	Where?
-Where?	Outside, in the cave.
-Are you crazy!	Look, we just got this bucket going again.  I'm not about to let some varmint tear it apart ...
-Looks like some kind of Mynock.	There will be more of them.  They always travel in groups.  And there's nothing they like better than to attach themselves to ships. Just what we need right now.
-Those Star Destroyers will spot us long before you can get into light speed.  You can't make the jump in this asteroid field.	Strap yourself in, sweetheart, we're taking off!
-Strap yourself in, sweetheart, we're taking off!	But the tremors have stopped.
-I see it Chewie, hang on.	The entrance is collapsing!
-Couldn't be, I checked the transfer circuits, just like you said!  I tell you this time it's not my fault.  I'm sure I checked it.	No lightspeed?
-No lightspeed?	It's not my fault.  I can't under- stand it!
-Sharp bank, Chewie.  Let's turn this bucket around.  You heard me, turn around!  Full power on the front shield.	You're going to attack them?!!!
-You could have warned him before you shut him off.	Oh, so sorry!  Didn't mean to offend your droid.  You think braking and shutting down in that amount of time is easy?
-Oh, so sorry!  Didn't mean to offend your droid.  You think braking and shutting down in that amount of time is easy?	I'm still not sure what you've accomplished.
-I'm still not sure what you've accomplished.	Chewie, check the manual release on the landing claws.
-What'd you have in mind for your next move?	The fleet is finally breaking up. I'm hoping they'll follow standard Imperial procedure and dump their garbage before they go into light speed.
-Not bad, hot shot, not bad.  Then what?	Then we have to find a safe port around here.  Got any ideas?
-Then we have to find a safe port around here.  Got any ideas?	That depends.  Where are we?
-That depends.  Where are we?	Here ... near the Anoat system.
-Funny, I have the feeling I've been in this area before.  Let me check my logs.	You keep logs?  My, how organized.
-You keep logs?  My, how organized.	Well, sometimes ... Ah-hah, I knew it!  Lando Calrissian.
-Well, sometimes ... Ah-hah, I knew it!  Lando Calrissian.	Never heard of that system.
-Never heard of that system.	Lando's not a system, he's a man. A gambler, con-artist ... all- around scoundrel ...  ... your kind of guy.  The system is called Bespin.  It's a ways from here, but reachable.
-Lando's not a system, he's a man. A gambler, con-artist ... all- around scoundrel ...  ... your kind of guy.  The system is called Bespin.  It's a ways from here, but reachable.	A mining colony.
-A mining colony.	A Tibanna gas mine.  Lando won it in a sabacc match, or so he claims. Lando and I go way back.
-A Tibanna gas mine.  Lando won it in a sabacc match, or so he claims. Lando and I go way back.	Can you trust him?
-Can you trust him?	No.  But he has no love for the Empire, that much I know ...
-You do have your moments ... Not many, but you do have them.	Let Ôer go, Chewie.
-I don't like this.	It'll be all right.  Trust me.  And keep your eyes open.  You wait here.
-What are you staring at?	Who's staring?
-Who's staring?	You look silly.
-You look silly.	You look great.
-You look great.	Has Threepio turned up yet?
-Has Threepio turned up yet?	Huh?  Oh.  Your droid's been gone too long just to be lost.  He may have gotten into some trouble. Chewie went to look for him.  Come over here.  I want to check this out.
-I hope Luke made it to the fleet all right.	Luke!  I'm sure he's fine.  Probably sitting around wondering what we're doing right now.
-He found him in a junk pile ...	Something's wrong here.  Your friend Lando is very charming, but I don't trust him.
-Something's wrong here.  Your friend Lando is very charming, but I don't trust him.	Well, I do trust him.  Lando's an old friend.  Must have been an accident.
-Well, I do trust him.  Lando's an old friend.  Must have been an accident.	Chewie, do you think you can repair him?
-No thanks.	Look, sweetheart, I'm not going to have you accusing my friend of ...
-I was worried about you.	I'm worried about all of us.  I can't figure out what they're up to.
-I'm worried about all of us.  I can't figure out what they're up to.	Me either.  They had me howling on the scan grid, but they never asked me any questions.
-... I love you.  I couldn't tell you before, but it's true.	... just remember that, Ôcause I'll be back ...
-Loud and clear, kid.  What's up?	I've finished my circle and I haven't picked up any life read- ings.
-I've finished my circle and I haven't picked up any life read- ings.	There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser. My sentry markers are placed. I'm heading back to the base.
-There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser. My sentry markers are placed. I'm heading back to the base.	I'll see you shortly. A meteorite just hit the ground near here and I want to check it out .. Won't be long.
-Hi kid, you look strong enough to wrestle a Gundark.	Thanks to you.
-Thanks to you.	That's two you owe me, junior.
-Probe?  What probe?	That makes a good story.  But I think you just can't bear to let me out of your sight.
-About what?	Now don't get the wrong idea, pal. She was just trying to express her true feelings for me.
-I hope you make your peace with Jabba.	Don't worry.  You haven't seen the last of us.
-Why you slimy, double-crossing no-good swindler ... am I glad to see you.	No hard feelings?
-No hard feelings?	Are you kidding?
-Are you kidding?	I always said you were a gentleman.
-I always said you were a gentleman.	I'll bet.
-That won't be easy, my friend ... What brings you here, anyway?	Repairs ...
-Repairs ...	What have you done to my ship?
-That ship saved my life a few times.  It's the fastest hunk of machinery in the galaxy.  What's wrong with her?	Hyperdrive.
-Hyperdrive.	I'll have my people get to work on it right away.  Hate the thought of the Millennium Falcon without her heart.
-How's your mining operation going?	Not as well as I'd like.  We're a small outpost and not very self- sufficient.  I've had supply problems of every kind and ...  What's so funny?
-Not as well as I'd like.  We're a small outpost and not very self- sufficient.  I've had supply problems of every kind and ...  What's so funny?	Nothing.  I never would have guessed that underneath that wild schemer I knew was a respon- sible leader and businessman ... But you wear it well.
-Sorry friend, I had no choice. They arrived right before you did.	I'm sorry too.
-Get out of here, Lando!	Shut up a minute and listen.  I'm doing what I can to make this easier for you.
-Shut up a minute and listen.  I'm doing what I can to make this easier for you.	This ought to be good.
-This ought to be good.	Vader agreed to turn Leia and Chewie over to me.  They'll have to stay here, but at least they'll be safe.
-You don't know much about much if you think Vader won't want us dead before this is over.	He doesn't want you at all.  He's after someone named Skywalker.
-He doesn't want you at all.  He's after someone named Skywalker.	Luke?  I don't get it.
-All this just to get the kid? What's so important about him?	Don't ask me, but he's on his way.
-Don't shoot!  I've done what I can for you.  I'm sorry it's not better, but I've got my own problems.  I've already stuck my neck out further than I should ...	Yeah, you're a real hero.
-What about Leia and the Wookiee?	You will find them well enough. But they must never again leave this city.
-You will find them well enough. But they must never again leave this city.	That was never mentioned.  Neither was this bounty hunter taking Han. I hope you haven't forgotten our bargain.
-That was never mentioned.  Neither was this bounty hunter taking Han. I hope you haven't forgotten our bargain.	I forget nothing, Calrissian. Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly.
-I forget nothing, Calrissian. Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly.	No.
-No.	Good.  It would be most unfortunate if I had to leave a permanent garrison here.
-We only use this chamber for carbon freezing.  If you put him in there, it'll kill him.	I think not.  But I don't wish my prize to be damaged.  We'll test it first.  Bring in Captain Solo.
-I'll take what's mine now.	Take them, but I'm keeping a detachment of troops here to watch over them.
-Take them, but I'm keeping a detachment of troops here to watch over them.	That wasn't the bargain.  You said the Empire wouldn't interfere in--
-That wasn't the bargain.  You said the Empire wouldn't interfere in--	I'm altering the bargain.  Pray I don't alter it any further.
-Hello!  What have we here?  Welcome, I am Baron Lando Calrissian, Administrator of this facility ... and who might you be?	You may call me Leia.
-Sorry, am I interrupting anything?	Not really.
-Not really.	I must say, your beauty is unpar- alleled.  Truly you belong here with us among the clouds.
-I must say, your beauty is unpar- alleled.  Truly you belong here with us among the clouds.	Thanks.
-Thanks.	Would you care to join me for a little refreshment?
-.... We are a free station and do not fall under the jurisdiction of the Empire.	You're part of the mining guild then?
-You're part of the mining guild then?	Not actually .... Our operation is small enough not to be noticed, so you might say we're enterprisers. Most of our trade is, well ... unofficial.
-It's a lovely outpost.	Yes, we keep pollution down by having the power reactor far below the city.  It's connected by a transfer shaft.
-What about Han?	I didn't know you had a price on your head.  Vader has given you to the bounty hunter.
-Lord Vader has set a trap for him and ...	... we're the bait.
-What's going on?	I'm coming over to your side, that's what.  And I have a feeling I'm making a big mistake.
-I'm coming over to your side, that's what.  And I have a feeling I'm making a big mistake.	And when do you betray us again?
-Look, I stand to lose everything by this.	We have no use for your kind.
-We have no use for your kind.	This is no time to be choosy, honey.  What do you say we debate this later?  There's still a chance I can get you out of here.
-Chewie's right.  We must try to save Han.	There's not much chance, but the bounty hunter's ship is on the East Landing Platform.
-Very noble.  Not smart, but noble.	You've probably never done an honorable thing in your life.
-You've probably never done an honorable thing in your life.	Sure I did ... once.  It turned out lousy.
-Sure I did ... once.  It turned out lousy.	What chance have we got in here? What are we going to do when they cut ...
-You'd better know what you're doing, or this is going to get very messy.	Don't worry about a thing.  I'll get us going.
-We've got to find Luke.	His fate is sealed.  You'll be lucky to get out yourself.  All systems are on alert.  everything's locked.
-What'd you say?	I didn't say anything?
-I knew that set-up was too good to last .... I'm going to miss it.	Luke!
-Luke!	What?
-What?	Luke needs help.  We must go back.
-No argument, just do it.  That's a command!	Wait a minute.  We're not going back there.
-Someone's falling.	It's Luke.  Get under him.  Slow down.  Easy Chewie.  Line up your tracking system.  Lando, open the hatch.
-The deflector shields are gone.	Are the coordinates set?
-I'm sure my men fixed it.  We've got nothing to worry about.	That sounds familiar.
-Nothing more can be done tonight. The shield doors must be closed. I can't wait any longer.  I'm sorry.	I understand.
-The speeders should be ready in the morning.  They'll make the search easier.	Is there any chance of them surviving out there?
-Is there any chance of them surviving out there?	Slim, but yes, there's a chance. They have a shelter.  It's not much, but ...
-Have they analyzed the one that was killed?	Not yet.  They're working on it now.
-We've picked up something outside the base in zone one, moving East.	What is it?
-Two transports at a time is awfully risky.	We have no choice.  Send them up ... and start clearing everyone out.
-You rest now.	So much has happened during the period of your indisposition, sir.
-So much has happened during the period of your indisposition, sir.	I'll be back later.
-You don't have to do this to impress me.	If I might remind you, sir, the probability of successfully navi- gating through an asteroid field is approximately 365,000 to one ... a graceful surrender might not be ...
-Closer?!	Closer?!
-A tremor!	Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not stable.
-What??	Oh my, no!
-Sir, we've lost the rear deflector shield.  One more direct hit on the back quarter and we're done for.	Well, what now?
-Rather touchy, aren't they.	I thought you knew this person.
-Artoo, you did it!  I never doubted you for a second ...	Let's go.
-The Bacta are growing well.  The scars should be gone in a day or so.  Does it still hurt?	I'm fine.  Really.  Leia ... when I was out there and it looked pretty bad ... well, it made me think about things.
-I'm fine.  Really.  Leia ... when I was out there and it looked pretty bad ... well, it made me think about things.	Me too.  I was afraid.
-Leia ... What would you think if I went away for a while?	What did you say?!
-Where are you going?	I have this ... feeling.  I'm not sure, really ...
-I have this ... feeling.  I'm not sure, really ...	That's just great.  Why doesn't everyone just take off?
-That's just great.  Why doesn't everyone just take off?	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	First Han, now you.  When am I going to learn not to count on anyone but myself? ...
-First Han, now you.  When am I going to learn not to count on anyone but myself? ...	Han's leaving?
-Calm down, will ya?  Tell me about Han.	He wants to pay off that criminal he's in hock to.
-He wants to pay off that criminal he's in hock to.	Jabba the Hutt?
-Jabba the Hutt?	I could get more loyalty if I went down the hall and recruited some of those snow creatures.
-I could get more loyalty if I went down the hall and recruited some of those snow creatures.	Snow creatures ... they're here?!
-Leia!	Luke, no!  It's a trap.
-Lando, is he alright? ... Lando? Are you there?  How's Luke?	He'll survive.
-This hyperdrive had better work.	I've never seen it fail.
-Ready are you?  What know you of ready?  I have trained Jedi for 800 years.  My own counsel I'll keep on who is to be trained.	Why not me?
-Why not me?	To become a Jedi takes the deepest commitment, the most serious mind.
-I have followed my feelings.	You are reckless!
-I will not fail you.  I'm not afraid.	You will be, my young one.  Heh. You will be.
-It would be in seven pieces, were you a Jedi.	I thought I was in good shape.
-I thought I was in good shape.	Yes, but by what standard, ask I?  Forget your old measures. Unlearn, heh, unlearn.
-Master, moving rocks is one thing, but this is a little different.	No!  No different!  The differences are in your mind.  Throw them out! No longer of use are they to you.
-No!  No different!  The differences are in your mind.  Throw them out! No longer of use are they to you.	Okay.  I'll give it a try.
-Okay.  I'll give it a try.	No.  Try not.  Do, do.  Or do not. There is no try.
-I can't. It's too big.	Size has no meaning.  It matters not.  Look at me.  Judge me by my size do you?
-I don't believe it.	That is why you fail.
-Concentration.  Heh?  Concentration.	I thought those seekers were set for stun!
-I thought those seekers were set for stun!	That they are.
-That they are.	They're a lot stronger than I'm used to.
-They're a lot stronger than I'm used to.	That would matter not were The Force flowing through you.  Higher you'd jump!  Faster you'd move! Open yourself to The Force you must.
-No, no.  This will not do.  Anger is what you feel.	But I feel The Force flowing!
-But I feel The Force flowing!	Anger, fear, aggression!  The dark side of The Force are they.  Easily they flow ... quick to join you in a fight.  Beware, beware, beware of them.  A heavy price is paid for the power they bring.
-Price?  What do you mean?	The dark side beckons.  But if once start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.  Consume you it will ... as it did Obi-wan's apprentice.
-The dark side beckons.  But if once start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.  Consume you it will ... as it did Obi-wan's apprentice.	Lord Vader ... Is the dark side stronger?
-Lord Vader ... Is the dark side stronger?	No, no.  Easier, quicker, more seductive.
-No, no.  Easier, quicker, more seductive.	But how am I to know the good side from the dark?
-But how am I to know the good side from the dark?	You will know.  When you are at peace ... calm ... passive.  A Jedi uses The Force for knowledge and defense.  Never for attack.
-You will know.  When you are at peace ... calm ... passive.  A Jedi uses The Force for knowledge and defense.  Never for attack.	But tell me why ...
-But tell me why ...	No!  Nothing more will I tell you now. Clear your mind of questions ... Quiet now be ... at peace ...
-Four this time!  The Force you feel.	Yes ... I also feel danger ... death.  Something's not right.
-I feel cold.	This tree is strong with the dark side of The Force.  A servant of evil it is.  Into it you must go.
-This tree is strong with the dark side of The Force.  A servant of evil it is.  Into it you must go.	What's in there?
-What's in there?	Only what you take with you.
-Ben?  Ben?	Free your mind and return he will.
-Free your mind and return he will.	My mind fills with so many images.
-My mind fills with so many images.	Control, control you must learn of what you see.  Not easy, not fast.
-Control, control you must learn of what you see.  Not easy, not fast.	I see a city in the clouds.
-I see a city in the clouds.	Bespin.  I see it too ... Friends you have there, heh?  Concentrate and see them you will.
-Bespin.  I see it too ... Friends you have there, heh?  Concentrate and see them you will.	I see them! ... They're in pain ... they're suffering.
-I see them! ... They're in pain ... they're suffering.	It is the future you see.
-Will they die?	Difficult to see.  Always in motion is the future ... Back away, little machine!
-They're my friends.	Foreknowledge is helpful, but painful sometimes and dangerous too.  You have far to go in your training.
-Yes, yes.  To Obi-wan you listen young one.  The tree.  Remember your failure at the tree!  Heh?	I've learned so much since then.  And I'll return to finish ... I promise that, master.
-And sacrifice Han and Leia?	If it must be.  Yes.
-The fear does not reach you.  You have learned more than I anticipated.	You'll find I'm full of surprises.
-You'll find I'm full of surprises.	And I too.
-Your future lies with us, Skywalker. Now you will embrace the dark side. Obi-wan knew this to be true.	No!
-No!	There is much Obi-wan did not tell you.  Come, The Emperor will complete your training.
-There is much Obi-wan did not tell you.  Come, The Emperor will complete your training.	I'll die first.
-I'll die first.	That won't be necessary.
-All too easy.  Perhaps you are not as strong as The Emperor thought.	Time will tell.
-The Force runs strong in the Skywalker line.  You will achieve great power ... Come, join with me!  Together we will be the most powerful ... even stronger than The Emperor.	No! .... Never ....
-There is no escape.  You must join me or die.  Don't make me destroy you here ... The Emperor is strong with The Force.  But if you join me, together we could overthrow Him.  Do not resist. It is our destiny!	Never.
-The Hoth System?	Yes, Sir .... we have visuals ... the System is supposed to be devoid of human forms ...
-Yes, My Lord.	Make ready to land General Veers' assault troops on the surface. Then deploy the fleet so that nothing can get off that system. You're in command now, Admiral Piett.
-Seventeen ships destroyed, we don't know how many got away.	Anything on the Millennium Falcon?
-Anything on the Millennium Falcon?	It won't get through the blockade.
-It won't get through the blockade.	I want that ship.
-Did you call the Zoo?	Yes, sir.  We're in luck.  The sick bay's almost empty except for a mauled fox cub, a deer with pneumonia, and a depressed gorilla. The Apes will be hidden from the public.  They'll be quarantined. If they want medical attention, it's available on the spot.  And the experts can start giving them the once-over first thing in the morning. General Brody's very pleased.
-Yes, sir.  We're in luck.  The sick bay's almost empty except for a mauled fox cub, a deer with pneumonia, and a depressed gorilla. The Apes will be hidden from the public.  They'll be quarantined. If they want medical attention, it's available on the spot.  And the experts can start giving them the once-over first thing in the morning. General Brody's very pleased.	Me, too.  Can't have a lot of monkeys making messes in the Guardhouse.  Have we fed them?  Like raw steak or something?
-Me, too.  Can't have a lot of monkeys making messes in the Guardhouse.  Have we fed them?  Like raw steak or something?	The Zoo tells me that chimpanzees, like all apes, are vegetarian, sir.
-The Zoo tells me that chimpanzees, like all apes, are vegetarian, sir.	Good God.
-Good God.	They suggested oranges.
-Excuse me.  I didn't mean to disturb....  What am I saying?	They're...pretending to dress.
-They're...pretending to dress.	What d'you mean, pretending? They are dressing.  Where'd they get those clothes?
-So am I.  And I mean you no harm.	We know that.
-Do you have a name?	My name is Cornelius.  And this is Zira -- my wife.
-My name is Cornelius.  And this is Zira -- my wife.	My name is Lewis -- Lewis Dixon .
-Nobody's going to believe it.	Believe what?
-Believe what?	That primitive apes can talk.
-In some fashion -- and I lack the intellect to know precisely how -- we have traveled from Earth's future into Earth's past.	But we saw Earth destroyed.
-But we saw Earth destroyed.	And Earth will be destroyed -- just as we saw it.  Only, since fleeing it, we have passed through a....backward disturbance in time -- did you notice the Date Meter clicking down after the shock wave hit our ship? -- and we have returned to Earth almost two thousand years before its destruction.  That is another reason for keeping silence.  Our human captors would not be edified to know that, one day, their world will crack like an egg and fry to a cinder, because of an Ape war of aggression.
-Zira, are you mad?	Dr. Milo, please don't call my wife mad.
-Dr. Milo, please don't call my wife mad.	I did not call her mad.  I merely asked her if she was.  And I repeat the question.  Are you mad?
-To a lot of psychiatric small talk --	And we can watch ...
-And we can watch ...	A display of primitive apparatus --
-What, Lewis?	There was a sort of carpetbag in the ship.
-There was a sort of carpetbag in the ship.	With food?
-With food?	No -- clothes.  Stevie, they changed into them.
-No -- clothes.  Stevie, they changed into them.	I don't believe it.
-What are they doing here?	Security.  Join the Marines and see the Zoo ...
-Go easy, Stevie.	They look pretty docile.
-They look pretty docile.	Yes, but don't take any chances.
-We shall want a full autopsy ...	With particular emphasis on the cranial and oral areas.
-With particular emphasis on the cranial and oral areas.	Keep him in cold storage till the reports in.  Then send him to Taxidermy.  He's a museum piece.
-But he isn't us.  He's your own kind.	He's a gorilla.
-I mean he's of your race. He's an Ape.  Look.  You don't have to be afraid.  We've put him in chains and under sedation. Do you understand that?	I should.  I've been doing it half my life to Humans.
-I should.  I've been doing it half my life to Humans.	Humans?
-Humans?	I'm a psychiatrist.
-Primitive?	I mean that in our 'primitive' civilization, apes just don't talk. I mean I think it's important that, when our 'primitive' security precautions are lifted, the first time you say something in public you should talk to what we 'primitively' call the Right People.
-May I say something personal?	Please
-Please	I like you.
-ComStat did a psychosearch on him. Used a database of 5 million sociopathic personalities. He hit the bottom of the curve.	Perfect for the mission. Nobody else can pull it off - not an army, not a man.
-Perfect for the mission. Nobody else can pull it off - not an army, not a man.	Zero emotional developments. Total lack of compassion. A highly developed psychopathic instinct to survive.
-Somehow during the tour, she came into possession of a prototype transmitting device. We don't know how.	Utopia became depressed after her mother's suicide, began to withdraw into her virtual reality simulator. She'd punch up her own little world in cyberspace and stay in it for days at a time.  Somebody else was in there with her.
-The cigarette girl in New Vegas was an undercover cop. She injected you with incentive toxin. Right now it's swimming in your bloodstream. It'll start to take effect in 9 hours.	It's a strain of the Plutoxin 7 virus. Genetically engineered. 100% pure death. Complete nervous system shutdown. You crash and bleed out like a stuck pig. Not a pretty sight.
-L.A. is in a constant state of warfare. Gangs fighting for the right to rule.	Heavy Third World connections. They get weapons, drugs, fuel, choppers - everything is pumped into the island from the south.
-Heavy Third World connections. They get weapons, drugs, fuel, choppers - everything is pumped into the island from the south.	Some areas have power - they're on line to San Onofre.
-His reactor's starting to overheat.	Plissken, slow down the sub. You're overloading the power plant.
-You were injected with glucose. There is no Plutoxin 7 virus. You were never going to die - at least not from anything we gave you.	C'mon, Snake - it's L.A. Everything's phony, you know that.
-Who's that?	You never heard of Snake Plissken?
-He doesn't look like his picture.  I bet he's fake.	Now go get dressed. We have things to do.
-Now go get dressed. We have things to do.	Are we going to eat soon? I'm starved.
-Ooww!	Go on now. Do as I say.
-Cuervo...?	You're my woman, you understand? You don't let anybody take you away from me without a fight.
-You're my woman, you understand? You don't let anybody take you away from me without a fight.	I tried...
-I tried...	Nobody leaves Cuervo Jones. Not unless you give your life. You fight till you're dead. Then I forgive you.  Understand?  Understand?
-Nobody leaves Cuervo Jones. Not unless you give your life. You fight till you're dead. Then I forgive you.  Understand?  Understand?	Yes...
-Come on, Cuervo. I delivered him, didn't I? All I'm asking for is what you promised.	We'll see.
-Where is he?	He jumped. Down there.  He's dead, Cuervo. I did it. I killed Plissken.
-Give it to me.	You said I could be Vice-President, Cuervo. Your right-hand man.
-You said I could be Vice-President, Cuervo. Your right-hand man.	Give it.
-Give it.	Sure, Cuervo, but look here. I've done it all, man. I killed Plissken, I got your girl back, I got it all. Just for you, Cuervo. Just for you.
-You're about to get hit, Cuervo. It's Plissken.	You told me he was dead.
-You told me he was dead.	I thought he was, but he came back.
-I thought he was, but he came back.	Where?
-Oh Cuervo...	What?
-What?	It's so good to see you again.
-It's so good to see you again.	Where's Plissken?
-Where's Plissken?	He's... near.
-He's... near.	You're stalling, Eddie.  Talk, you little gringo!
-You're stalling, Eddie.  Talk, you little gringo!	Cuervo, look out behind you!
-I wouldn't be doin' that, Snake.	We have a little arrangement. Anything happens to me, you're dead.
-Wait a minute. All right. Hold on.	Cuervo Jones has more firepower than two armies. No one gets near him.
-Why should we leave? I love L.A. Where we gonna go? What's the payoff?	I'd like to get out but I don't have enough money.
-Shit.	You always were a loser, Plissken. Makin' things up as you go along. That's why I cut out on you in Cleveland. You're just a bum like the rest of us.
-Where'd you get these rigs, Carjack?	My name is Hershe Hernandez, do you understand, cowboy?
-I need a favor.	What's in it for me?
-Wait a minute. I know that voice.  You're Carjack Malone.	Not anymore.
-I was called away on urgent business, Snake.	Don't lie to me.
-Don't lie to me.	All right, so I made another deal.
-All right, so I made another deal.	I got a new deal for you.
-I'm already dead.	I see your point. What's the favor?
-I see your point. What's the favor?	Get me to Cuervo Jones. Get me to the Kingdom. I got one hour.
-Get me to Cuervo Jones. Get me to the Kingdom. I got one hour.	Dream on, blue eye.
-Dream on, blue eye.	Say goodnight, Carjack.
-So what's the deal, gorgeous?	We get the girl and the prototype. And we get out.
-I don't know, sounds thin to me.	You want to stay here, while Cuervo Jones rules the world?
-You want to stay here, while Cuervo Jones rules the world?	No, that sucks.  How are we getting out?
-No, that sucks.  How are we getting out?	I don't know yet.
-See you in hell, Snake.	If I'm late, Carjack, don't start without me.
-She's overloaded! We're too heavy.	Somebody get off!
-I think we've burned off enough fuel. We may be lighter enough to hover. Just barely.	Can you land?
-Can you land?	No. The right skid's broken. If I try to set it down she'll crash. I have to stay in a hoverwhile you jump off.  Hey, Carjack. We gotta hide the girl. Give her your dress.
-No. The right skid's broken. If I try to set it down she'll crash. I have to stay in a hoverwhile you jump off.  Hey, Carjack. We gotta hide the girl. Give her your dress.	My name is no longer Carjack. Will you please get that through your fucking head?
-How you doin' Plissken?  You like the watch?	You assholes didn't bring me here to give me this for 20 years of dedicated service. What'ya want?
-Shut up, Plissken.	What's the little black box do?
-What's the little black box do?	Top secret. Only on a need to know.
-Top secret. Only on a need to know.	And I don't need to know. So fuck you, I'm goin' to Hollywood.
-And I don't need to know. So fuck you, I'm goin' to Hollywood.	That's right, big shot. Unless you do what we want you're not coming back.
-That's right, big shot. Unless you do what we want you're not coming back.	So what's the deal, huh? Go into L.A., find the President's daughter, secure the box, and bring 'em both out - and I'm free?
-So what's the deal, huh? Go into L.A., find the President's daughter, secure the box, and bring 'em both out - and I'm free?	That's the deal.
-That's the deal.	Tell the President to adopt. I think I'll like L.A.
-Wait a minute, what are you talkin' about?	Having second thoughts?
-Having second thoughts?	Maybe. But you're not putting any shit in me this time.
-Maybe. But you're not putting any shit in me this time.	You don't understand. It's already in you.
-Get this crap out of me.	I guess we have a deal. Nice to be working with you, Plissken.
-I guess we have a deal. Nice to be working with you, Plissken.	Call me Snake.
-I'll need to know more about this thing.	Only a handful of people are aware of its existence. Let's just say it's the ultimate defensive weapon.
-Only a handful of people are aware of its existence. Let's just say it's the ultimate defensive weapon.	Defense against what?
-Defense against what?	There's a war about to be declared, or didn't you know?
-Third World wants to live like we do - and they plan on taking what they want. The Cubans and Brazilians are ready to invade Miami. If the Africans and Colombians make a run at the border, we got a full scale attack on the United States.	So what does this thing do?
-So what does this thing do?	All you need to know is get it back here by 5 a.m.
-Where do I put ashore?	Cahuenga Pass. Make your way up through the mountains toward the Hollywood Bowl. You should be able to pick up Utopia's tracer there.  Once you go inside, you're on your own.  You know what you have to do with the girl, don't you?  We have to spare this nation her trial - for treason.
-Cahuenga Pass. Make your way up through the mountains toward the Hollywood Bowl. You should be able to pick up Utopia's tracer there.  Once you go inside, you're on your own.  You know what you have to do with the girl, don't you?  We have to spare this nation her trial - for treason.	So you want me to take her out?  Is that an order from the President?
-So you want me to take her out?  Is that an order from the President?	Let's just say it's what's best for the country.
-Let's just say it's what's best for the country.	By the way - who gives me the anti-toxin?
-By the way - who gives me the anti-toxin?	A medical team will be standing by.
-A medical team will be standing by.	Not you?
-Not you?	No.
-No.	Good.
-She's in the green.	Lock fuel rods.
-Lock fuel rods.	Locked.
-Locked.	Nuclear turbine to 75% power.
-75% power.	Hands on switches and counting. 5...4...3...2...1. Launch.
-Plissken...?	I'm here.
-I'm here.	Where's the submarine? It's disappeared off our screens.
-Where's the submarine? It's disappeared off our screens.	It's history. I gotta go.
-Plissken - this is Malloy. Do you have the prototype?	Yeah, I got it.
-Got a smoke?	You're gonna have to learn to respect the law, Snake. The United States is a no- smoking nation. No smoking, no drinking, do drugs, no women unless you're married, no guns, no foul language. It's a brand new day for you, Snake.
-You're gonna have to learn to respect the law, Snake. The United States is a no- smoking nation. No smoking, no drinking, do drugs, no women unless you're married, no guns, no foul language. It's a brand new day for you, Snake.	The name's Plissken.
-It's the President, for Christ's sake!	I give you my word. Put the prototype into my hands, and you're a free man.
-Getting ready to invade.	So where's Plissken?
-The prototype appears to be armed, Mr. President.  Shall I begin evacuation?	Does he know how to activate it?
-Does he know how to activate it?	Well, yeah. All you have to do is push the button.
-Relax, war hero. We took you for a ride, and you came through. Not bad for a dirtbag like you.	You're free, Plissken. But if you even so much as break wind on a country road I'll crush you like a bug.
-You're a star in your own right, you know that? Hey, I'm Map To The Stars Eddie. How you doin'?	Where'd they go?
-Where'd they go?	Man, I'd love to have your autograph, Snake.
-Where are they?	Who? You mean Cuervo Jones? He's the man with the juice, Snake. Got the President's daughter. Setting up a citywide truce. Big doings.
-Location.	Cuervo's got a place near Venice, where the big birds fly. Nice digs, too. I've been there, y'know.
-Too many people know where you're going, Snake. That's not good. Delgado and his men were back there waiting for you.	Delgado?
-Delgado?	Cuervo Jones' right-hand man. One tough hombre. You don't understand, Snake. Cuervo Jones wants to unify the island. We're on the move, man. Big time.
-Stop the damn car.	No way.
-No way.	I said pull over.
-I said pull over.	All right. Anything for you, Snake.  Although I was going to take you to Cuervo Jones' place.
-Where is it?	Right over there.
-Where are they going?	Oh, man... You didn't have to hit me, Snake. I can help you.
-Not yet.	I could've helped you. We coulda made a deal with Cuervo. If you'd listen...
-Listen up. I need directions. Downtown. Somebody named Hershe.	Sure, Snake. No problem.  You gonna kill me?
-Sure, Snake. No problem.  You gonna kill me?	Later.
-Later.	I couldn't help it, Snake. I had to shoot you. Cuervo made me do it, I swear to God, man.
-I couldn't help it, Snake. I had to shoot you. Cuervo made me do it, I swear to God, man.	Cease fire with the bullshit.
-Cease fire with the bullshit.	Right. Keep goin' straight. Two blocks down, turn right.
-How do you know all this?	I used to represent the guy who invented it. I swear to God, Snake. No bullshit.
-Me too?	We'll see.
-Aw, come on, Snake.	Bluebacks. I'm not bullshittin'. I swear to God.
-I don't know about this thing.	Don't like it, don't come.
-I got an idea, Snake.  This looks like the prototype, right?	Yeah, kinda.
-Yeah, kinda.	So maybe we can pull off a Texas switch on Cuervo.
-So maybe we can pull off a Texas switch on Cuervo.	If he lets you get close enough.
-Is that what I think it is?	Yeah. The place kept changing owners. Finally went bankrupt. That thing in Paris killed 'em.
-What're you doing in here?	Looking to get out.
-Looking to get out.	Good. I want you out. This is my sewer.
-Good. I want you out. This is my sewer.	Which way?
-Say, you need anything, Snake? Guns? Explosives? I can get you a crate of hellfire grenades, no problem - five hours.	Yeah. So how do I get to Venice?
-Yeah. So how do I get to Venice?	All the sewers are collapsed under Venice. You have to go topside. Right up there.
-Kind of a bad neighborhood, Snake.	Which way to the Hollywood Bowl?
-Which way to the Hollywood Bowl?	Down that way.
-Could be a big one comin' any minute now...	Where's... Cuervo Jones...?
-Where's... Cuervo Jones...?	Long gone. You'll never catch up with him now, Snake.
-Long gone. You'll never catch up with him now, Snake.	Where?
-Where?	Anaheim. Headquarters for everything. The whole town's gonna be there. Things changin' fast around here, Snake. It's not the same as the old days, man.
-You ain't doin' so good, Snake. You need help.  You should talk to Hershe. She hates Cuervo. They used to be partners, but they split up.	Who?
-Who?	Hershe. She lives downtown with Mojo Dellasandro in the big boat. Down that way.
-Hi, Snake. It's so great to meet you. My name's Taslima. I'm a fan of yours.	Are you crazy?
-Are you crazy?	A little bit. But pretty soon I'm gonna be dead. So are you, Snake.
-What are they?	They live here, used to be like us. But after too many silicon implants, their muscles turned to jelly. The only way they survive is to have body parts transplanted over and over again.  Snake, nobody who comes into Beverly Hills gets out alive.
-They live here, used to be like us. But after too many silicon implants, their muscles turned to jelly. The only way they survive is to have body parts transplanted over and over again.  Snake, nobody who comes into Beverly Hills gets out alive.	No screamin' shit.
-No screamin' shit.	Oh no, it's the Doctor.
-Oh no, it's the Doctor.	Who?
-Who?	The Surgeon General of Beverly Hills.
-Don't follow me.	You need help.
-You need help.	Like hell I do.
-This is a dead end.  You took us into a dead end!	I just thought you wanted to get away. I didn't know you wanted to go someplace.
-Be careful of the bald cats. They live in these buildings.	The what?
-How do we get out of here?	Sewers. Come on.
-Snake - what is it?	How the hell am I supposed to know? This is your damn city.
-Why don't you get out of L.A.? Take a boat to China, take an airplane to Brazil?  Earthquakes, death, shit. Why do you stay?	I don't know. Somehow, I just can't leave.
-I changed my mind. I'm going with you, wherever you're going.	What the hell is this?
-What the hell is this?	The freeway.
-The freeway.	I know that. There are people in some of these cars.
-I know that. There are people in some of these cars.	It's where they live. I guess after everything happened, they just needed to do what they'd always done before. During the daytime, they just pull down the shades on their windows and sleep.
-What are you gonna do in Venice?	Find Cuervo Jones.
-Find Cuervo Jones.	No! Stay away, Snake. He's mucho muerte.
-Run, Snake...They're coming.	Who?
-I can see you're real concerned about your daughter.	Utopia is lost to me. My daughter is gone.
-Utopia is lost to me. My daughter is gone.	Well, I'll think it over.
-Well, I'll think it over.	You're running out of time.
-You're running out of time.	I've been doin' that all my life. Might as well do it in L.A. Everybody else there is.
-Get ready, shitheads. We're comin' in.	Thank God.
-Where's the anti-toxin...?	Give me the prototype.
-Hey, what's going down, Snake?	I'm looking for somebody.
-I'm looking for somebody.	Who ain't?
-You owe me. You left me holdin' everything back there in Cleveland.	Hershe, you were in Cleveland?
-Hershe, you were in Cleveland?	Yeah. With me and Texas Mike O'Shay.
-All of us?	Yeah.
-The President's promised to give whoever helps me 1 million dollars.	Yeah? Greenbacks? I got ten million of them.
-Yeah? Greenbacks? I got ten million of them.	Uh-uh. Bluebacks.
-Is he coming?	He heard Lady Guenevere's request and he said nothing. That is all.
-In the name of God, of St. Michael, and St. George, I make you a knight. Rise, Sir...	...Perceval!
-There is one thing left to do... Excalibur... And you must do it, Perceval. Leave my wounds, I command you.	I cannot--
-I cannot--	--Take Excalibur. Find a pool of calm water and throw the sword into it.
-When you threw it in, what did you see?	...I saw nothing.
-My King, I couldn't do it. Excalibur cannot be lost. Other men--	--By itself it is only a piece of steel. Its power comes from he who wields it. For now there is no one. Do as I have ordered!
-Good day to you, sir.	Move aside. This is the King's road, and the knights you joined arms against were his very own.
-Move aside. This is the King's road, and the knights you joined arms against were his very own.	I await the King himself. His knights are in need of training.
-I await the King himself. His knights are in need of training.	I am King, and this is Excalibur, sword of kings from the dawn of time. Who are you, and why do you block the way?
-I am King, and this is Excalibur, sword of kings from the dawn of time. Who are you, and why do you block the way?	I am Sir Lancelot of the Lake, from across the sea. I am the best knight in the whole of Christiandom, and I look for the king who is worthy of my sword's service.
-I am Sir Lancelot of the Lake, from across the sea. I am the best knight in the whole of Christiandom, and I look for the king who is worthy of my sword's service.	--That is a wild boast. You lack a knight's humility.
---That is a wild boast. You lack a knight's humility.	Not a boast, sir, but a curse.  Never have I met my match in joust or duel.
-Not a boast, sir, but a curse.  Never have I met my match in joust or duel.	Move aside!
-Move aside!	I will not. You must retreat or prove your kingship in the test of arms, under the eyes of God.
-Yield. I have the advantage.	I will not.
-Fight me from your horse or on foot, but fight me. Your avoidance mocks me.	I sought only not to harm you, sir.
-Sir, your rage has unbalanced you. It seems you would fight to the death against a knight who is not your enemy, for a length of road you can ride around.	So be it, to the death.
-So be it, to the death.	It is you, sir, who knows not the virtue of humility, as a true king must.
-Thanks to God, you are alive.	I, the best knight in the world, bested! This is a great day, for my search is over. I love you, my King.
-You are still the best knight in Christiandom. You gained a hundred advantages over me. It is I who must love you, for through your courage and patience you taught me a bitter lesson.	Then make me your champion and I will always fight in your place.
-Then make me your champion and I will always fight in your place.	But your life and lands are far from here.
-But your life and lands are far from here.	I gave up my castles and my lands!
-My domain is here, inside this metal skin. And I would pledge to you all that I still own: muscle, bone, blood and the heart that pumps it.	And a great heart it is. Sir Lancelot, you will be my champion.
-Lancelot, how did you fare in the North?	We spared the lives of a few, so they could sail home and tell their fellows what fate they met at the hands of King Arthur's knights...
-These men repented before God for their evil deeds. Those who would not, met their fate at the end of my sword.  Accept the fruit of my first quest as my wedding gift.	I do. Rise, Lancelot, come with me.
-Your deeds set an example for all other knights. For your gift, ask a gift of me.	Only give me leave to ride out again, to do what I am most able to do, and happiest doing.
-They miss the battlefield. I think we do too.	But one can still keep a sword sharp riding out in the name of the King's law.
-Hasn't Merlin mended your wound?	It is deep...
-Arthur.	Lancelot, I will save you... Don't die.
-My salvation is to die a Knight of the Round Table.	You are that and much more. You are its greatest knight, you are what is best in men. Now we will be together--
-You are that and much more. You are its greatest knight, you are what is best in men. Now we will be together--	--It is the old wound, that has been opened. I have always known it would be the gateway to my death, for it has never healed. Let my heart do its job, my King, and pump me empty...
-At last...	Don't recognize him. You were trapped by Morgana's sorcery.
-Don't recognize him. You were trapped by Morgana's sorcery.	...Gawain and Perceval, Bors and Bohort, Caradoc and Ector, and all the others--lost to me. Only the echo of their voices remains in this empty hall. All I have left is the memory of their fellowship. Echoes and memories. I am a ghost of the King that once was...  ...Mordred is real, alive, my own flesh and blood. I will see him, I must.
-Perceval, you have returned!	Ready my knights for battle; they will ride with their King once more. I have lived through others far too long! Lancelot carried my honor and Guenevere my guilt. My knights have fought my causes. Mordred carries my sins. Now, at last, I will rule.
-Merlin, will I live...?  ...I was dreaming...	Of Merlin?
-Of Merlin?	Yes. He spoke to me. He said I would fight bravely tomorrow. I have never dreamed of Merlin before.
-Yes. He spoke to me. He said I would fight bravely tomorrow. I have never dreamed of Merlin before.	I dreamed of him too... Merlin lives! He lives in our dreams now, in that dark and shadowy place that is as strong and real as this more solid one. He speaks to us from there.
-He can be no other.	Lancelot?... It is Lancelot!
-Who is Merlin?	Speak of the devil!...
-Whose son am I?	You are the son of King Uther, and the fair Igrayne... you are King Arthur.
-You saved me from the arrow...	But not from your destiny.
-But not from your destiny.	I want to thank you.
-I want to thank you.	That's not why you came.
-Merlin, help me. I need your help. I don't know how--	'Help me, Help me.' Help me get up.
-It is whispered in the forest that...  ...Leondegrance's castle is under siege by Lot and Uryens.	Yes, yes, I know that. Everybody does. Lord Leondegrance is my only ally among the barons and the great knights. I can't lose him.
-Yes, yes, I know that. Everybody does. Lord Leondegrance is my only ally among the barons and the great knights. I can't lose him.	Well there. You don't need me half as much as you think you do. You already know what must not happen.
-Well there. You don't need me half as much as you think you do. You already know what must not happen.	I must find the means to save him, then. I was hoping I could ask you for a little magic help, but if it makes you so tired...
-I must find the means to save him, then. I was hoping I could ask you for a little magic help, but if it makes you so tired...	Thank you.
-It's just that I have no experience, and no men to speak of. How can I--	Because you must! You and only you. Have you forgotten that it was you who freed Excalibur?
-How? Where?	In the great book.
-In the great book.	What book is that?
-What book is that?	The book without pages. Open before you, all around us. You can see it in bits and pieces, for if mortal men were to see it whole and all complete in a single glance, why, it would burn him to cinders.
-The book without pages. Open before you, all around us. You can see it in bits and pieces, for if mortal men were to see it whole and all complete in a single glance, why, it would burn him to cinders.	What?!
-What?!	The dragon! There...
-Then as knight to knight I can offer you mercy.	What's this, what's this?!
-A king must marry, after all.	...of course...
-I love her. If she would be my queen, my dreams would be answered.	There are maidens as fair, and fairer than Guenevere. If I put my mind to it, I could see them now, many of them, weeping for love of you, watching the hills for you coming from the high towers of their castles. Offering you their every favor. Rich, clever--but if it is to be Guenevere, so be it.
-Who will it be? Put your mind to it, then.	Guenevere. And a beloved friend who will betray you.
-Guenevere. And a beloved friend who will betray you.	Guenevere...
-Guenevere...	You're not listening. Your heart is not. Love is deaf as well as blind.
-I should have left you to fend for yourself.	I had to weave a little enchantment on the bees so I could get some honey, and I didn't feel up to using any more magic just yet. Anyway, I was in less danger than you'll be in today.
-So you were stealing their honey. They should have killed you.	Come now. So much anger for such a little crime? Are you sure there is nothing else troubling you?
-Come now. So much anger for such a little crime? Are you sure there is nothing else troubling you?	You know full well there is, and I go to meet it now. Come witness my revenge.
-Excalibur! Is it true?	The Lady of the Lake. Take it. Take it, quickly!
-The knights of Galys approach the camp. It would be politic...	...to ride out and meet them.
-At your service, sir.	Then answer me this. For years peace has reigned in the land. Crops grow in abundance, there is no want. Every one of my subjects enjoys his portion of happiness and justice, even those whose tiresome misunderstandings we must resolve here each day. Tell me, Merlin: have we defeated evil, as it seems?
-Then answer me this. For years peace has reigned in the land. Crops grow in abundance, there is no want. Every one of my subjects enjoys his portion of happiness and justice, even those whose tiresome misunderstandings we must resolve here each day. Tell me, Merlin: have we defeated evil, as it seems?	Good and evil; there is never one without the other.
-Where hides evil, then, in my kingdom?	Never where you expect it, that's all I know.
-Merlin, tell me. Now that Guenevere is returned to me...	What is it my child?
-Yes.	Just yes? No mad laughter, no riddles, nothing but a simple yes? That frightens me.
-Just yes? No mad laughter, no riddles, nothing but a simple yes? That frightens me.	A king should be afraid, always. The enemy is everywhere. Waiting in ambush in the dark corridors of his castle, on the deer paths of his forest, or in the gray and winding paths of a more tangled forest, in here.
-What?  The greatest? They blend together like the metals we mix to make a good sword.	I didn't ask for poetry. Which is it?
-I am alone and betrayed. By my wife, by my beloved friend, by my knights. And by you. Perhaps most of all by you. For you made me, you forged this wretched life. And like a child tired of a toy, you toss me aside, a babbling lecher trotting after my sister...	That is my destiny. I have a destiny, too...
-That is my destiny. I have a destiny, too...	With all your powers, you are content to be ridiculed, laughed at...
-With all your powers, you are content to be ridiculed, laughed at...	My powers fade, Arthur. I resort to cheap tricks...  Yes! I enjoy every moment of my foolishness, I join in the making of it, so no one can betray me. But you! You betray yourself.
-My powers fade, Arthur. I resort to cheap tricks...  Yes! I enjoy every moment of my foolishness, I join in the making of it, so no one can betray me. But you! You betray yourself.	Me? I have lived by the oath of king and knight.
-Me? I have lived by the oath of king and knight.	You betray the boy who drew the sword, the boy who saw the Dragon... the Dragon who moves close by, coiling and uncoiling, restless, looking down, waiting for the King to be a king...
-I must do it myself. I must kill them both. Lancelot and Guenevere. Will you ride with me, Merlin?	I cannot. I must not. Here I must stay.
-Quiet. You'll wake the men, and they must fight tomorrow for their very lives.	I know. I have heard noises and echoes through the stones...
-I know. I have heard noises and echoes through the stones...	What is this place, Merlin?
-What is this place, Merlin?	It is like a tree. The roots of the stones spread out across the land and they draw on the thoughts and actions of men. Like sap those human matters course through the stones feeding the stars that are the leaves of the tree. And the stars whisper back to men the future course of events.  But the earth is being torn apart, its metals stolen, and the balance is broken and the lines of power no longer converge. In fact, I nearly didn't make it in one piece.
-But, I'm here.	Where have you been these many years? Is it true that Morgana--
-Where have you been these many years? Is it true that Morgana--	--Stories... You brought me back. Your love brought me back. Back to where you are now, in the land of dreams...
---Stories... You brought me back. Your love brought me back. Back to where you are now, in the land of dreams...	Is this a dream? Tell me, Merlin!
-Father...	Rise, Mordred.
-Rise, Mordred.	I have come to claim what is mine, Father.
-I have come to claim what is mine, Father.	I recognize you only as my son, no more.
-I recognize you only as my son, no more.	And you are the great King? The lords have rebelled. Invaders attack the coasts. Crops don't grow. There is nothing but plague and hunger in the land. Only I am feared. I will be king. You may have lost Excalibur, but I have found my own weapon of power. There.
-The very spear that pierced the side of Christ as he died on the cross.	Your mother told you that?
-I cannot offer you the land, only my love...	And I offer only this, Father. To commit with passion and pleasure all the evils that you failed to commit, as man and king.
-I will muster a great force of knights, and I will return to fight for what is mine.	So be it.
-I left it in the tent, sir.	Well hurry then, and get it.
-Sir... Kay needed a sword. His was stolen. I saw Excalibur, and... I took it.	You freed it, son?
-You freed it, son?	I did, Father. I beg your forgiveness.
-Who is, then?	I don't know. Merlin brought you to me when you were newly born and charged me to raise you as my own. At first, I did so because I feared Merlin, later because I loved you.
-He is the mightiest and fairest of knights.	We fought and won battles, and now one man defeats all my knights? I will go.
-It didn't hurt too much, did it?	Ye...
-Ye...	--I'm pretty good at stitchery. I've sewn my father's wounds more than once.
-But I have to leave tomorrow. The forests are thick with rebels, invaders plunder our shores...	--And damsels in besieged castles are waiting to be rescued?
---And damsels in besieged castles are waiting to be rescued?	I didn't know Leondegrance had a daughter.
-I didn't know Leondegrance had a daughter.	Well, then, I shall tell you which knights have maiden daughters, so you can avoid their castles.
-No, I think it's better if you just stay here to heal. At least a week.	I'm going.
-I'm going.	Quiet, or I'll sew up your mouth too.
-He must stay for the feasting days of our wedding, and tell his deeds himself.	I grant you your wish if you grant Lady Guenevere hers.
-I will ride with Sir Kay. Lancelot, rest here.	Don't start a war on my wedding day!
-Don't start a war on my wedding day!	Without Lancelot?!
-Sir Gahalt, answer the Queen.	No. I meant not to be angry with you, Sir Gahalt. In the idleness that comes with peace gossip has bread its own evil. You merely repeat it. Please, sir, have one of those apples that Lancelot loves, and in that gesture partake of its goodness.
-The Queen will be in my charge till a champion steps forward to fight on her behalf.	Not you, my husband?
-Why can't you be my champion?	If I am your judge, I cannot be your champion. When I act as your King, I cannot be your husband.
-If I am your judge, I cannot be your champion. When I act as your King, I cannot be your husband.	And you cannot love me...
-And you cannot love me...	The laws, my laws, must bind everyone, high and low, or they are not laws at all. Lancelot will come...
-The laws, my laws, must bind everyone, high and low, or they are not laws at all. Lancelot will come...	And if he cannot be found, no other knight will champion me, though you beseeched each and every one of them. Why be king if there is no one you can call loyal subject but an eager boy?
-I loved you much, as King, and sometimes as husband, but one cannot gaze too long at the sun in the sky.	Forgive me, my wife, if you can. I was not born to live a man's life, but to be the stuff of future memory. The fellowship was a brief beginning, a fair time that cannot be forgotten; and because it will not be forgotten, that fair time may come again. Now once more I must ride with my knights to defend what was, and the dream of what could be.
-Forgive me, my wife, if you can. I was not born to live a man's life, but to be the stuff of future memory. The fellowship was a brief beginning, a fair time that cannot be forgotten; and because it will not be forgotten, that fair time may come again. Now once more I must ride with my knights to defend what was, and the dream of what could be.	I have kept it.
-Who does it serve?	You, my lord.
-You, my lord.	I have waited long for you. Once you almost saw, but fear blinded you. Why am I served from the chalice?
-I have waited long for you. Once you almost saw, but fear blinded you. Why am I served from the chalice?	Because you and the land are one.
-Because you and the land are one.	I am wasting away and I cannot die. And I cannot live.
-I am wasting away and I cannot die. And I cannot live.	You and the land are one. Drink from the chalice. You will be reborn and the land with you.
-The well-kept secret is whether any of them has won your heart.	No.
-No.	Why?
-Why?	I am a fighting man and I am married to the quest. That is enough.
-I am a fighting man and I am married to the quest. That is enough.	And there is no maiden in the whole world who inspires you?
-And there is no maiden in the whole world who inspires you?	There is one.
-There is one.	Who?!
-Who?!	You.
-You.	Me?
-Me?	Yes. I would swear my love to you.
-Yes. I would swear my love to you.	To me? But why?
-To me? But why?	I cannot love as a woman the lady who will be wife to my King and my friend. And, in pledging my love to you, I cannot love any other woman.
-The law forbids it.	Love demands it.
-There are things about love--	--Nothing!
-Why didn't he kill us?	He has given up.
-The King without his sword, the land without a king...	We are to blame.
-Just a man. A knight in the King's service.	You're a man?!  ...with metal skin!
-Very well. Climb up.	I will run.
-I will run.	Listen, boy, it's more than twenty days from here.
-Listen, boy, it's more than twenty days from here.	Twenty days!? The world is that big?
-I have found you. The Queen. An apple. Tomorrow. Sir Gawain...	--It must wait, child. These good ladies, for whom I intervened once, will honor me with a meal. I am beholden to them now as I was when they begged my protection.
-You left your husband's side? You left your brother's wedding?	Is that Mandrake, Lord Merlin?
-Is that Mandrake, Lord Merlin?	It is.
-It is.	Can it truly be used for magic?
-No, no, of course not. You are young...	I'm not jealous!
-I'm not jealous!	It's clear you are, and it irks me.
-It's clear you are, and it irks me.	No. Yes, I am. I am jealous. I want to write poems about you with moonbeams, make the sea sing your name...
-No. Yes, I am. I am jealous. I want to write poems about you with moonbeams, make the sea sing your name...	A lovestruck page!
-A lovestruck page!	Shh... yes, yes. Sit with me, please... Morgana.
-I showed you all my conjuring tricks...	The deepest secrets, the forbidden formulas...
-The deepest secrets, the forbidden formulas...	Maybe... maybe...
-You know what I want. I want the secret of true magic, how to thicken the stuff of dreams and wishes with the flesh of the world.	That I cannot.
-When Arthur built the castle, I carved out a place for myself, where I could laugh or sleep, and no one would bother me.	People make you laugh?
-They do.	Why?
-You are truly magnificent!	Flattery! Do you think I am ignorant of your stupid little games? Preying on you weakness of others. That's your power, a petty evil. Mine is great. Great plans. Impossible dreams. Laughable endings...
-Merlin, the powers of Summoning, the true Name of the charms of Doing and Undoing. Show me!	I won't. You would misuse such power. I have paid enough for you, and I will have you.
-What do you want? You must desire it for me to weave it.	Walls of shining crystals, burning with red fire, furnishings of metals and jewels never seen by man...
-You provoke me, Merlin.	What's behind that beauty? A wizened, cold-hearted snake.
-I am the cloudburst that quenches the flames.	I am the desert, where water disappears--
-I am the desert, where water disappears--	--I am the sea, which covers the desert forever under its weight.
---I am the sea, which covers the desert forever under its weight.	--I am the fog and mists that rise up from the sea, escaping...
-It's done. A truce. We meet at the river.	Talk. Lovers murmuring to each other...
-I should butcher all and every one of them. Merlin, what is this wagging of tongues?	Just show the sword.
-Behold the sword of power, Excalibur. Before Uther, it belonged to Lud, before Lud, to Beowulf, before Beowulf to Baldur the Good, before Baldur to Thor himself and that was when the world was young and there were more than seven colors in the rainbow.  Speak the words.	One land, one king! That is my peace!
-I have walked my way since the beginning of time. Sometimes I give, sometimes I take. It is mine to know which, and when.	Dumb riddles, Merlin. I am your King.
-I swear it. By Excalibur and the holy--	--What issues from your lust will be mine. Swear it again.
---What issues from your lust will be mine. Swear it again.	I swear it.
-Merlin! Out of the sick sleep at last.	Doing what I did for you, it wasn't easy, you know. It takes it's toll. It took nine moons to get back my strength.
-Now you must pay me.	I?
-I?	The child is mine, Uther. I have come for him.
-The oath. You didn't say--	You didn't ask!
-It's not for you, Uther, hearth and home, wife and child.	To kill and be king, is that all?
-To kill and be king, is that all?	Maybe not even that, Uther. I thought once that you were the one to unite the land under one sword. But it'll take another, a greater king...
-Maybe not even that, Uther. I thought once that you were the one to unite the land under one sword. But it'll take another, a greater king...	You strike me with words as hard as steel.
-You strike me with words as hard as steel.	They are not weapons, my friend, but truths. You betrayed the Duke, stole his wife and took his castle, now no one trusts you. Lot, Uryens, your allies will turn against you. Give me the child, Uther, I will protect him. Go back to your war tent.
-Burke take a look at this damn thing it just doesn't make sense.	Why it's perfectly plain, your the teacher at the college, you don't want the building torn down.
-Why it's perfectly plain, your the teacher at the college, you don't want the building torn down.	C'mon I can read for Christ sake.
-C'mon I can read for Christ sake.	Well what's wrong?
-Well what's wrong?	Well why are they tearing the building down?
-Well why are they tearing the building down?	Shall we summon the writer? He's in Paris I believe.
-Shall we summon the writer? He's in Paris I believe.	Hiding?
-What honey?	Fuck it.
-Well, he does know the background. I doubt there's any danger in just having him assist. There should be a psychiatrist present, anyway.	And what about the exorcist? Any ideas?
-And what about the exorcist? Any ideas?	How about Lankaster Merrin.
-How about Lankaster Merrin.	Merrin? I had notion he was over in Iraq. I think I read he was working on a dig around Nineveh.
-Merrin? I had notion he was over in Iraq. I think I read he was working on a dig around Nineveh.	That's right Mike. But he's finished and came back around three ot four months ago, He's in Woodstock now.
-That's right Mike. But he's finished and came back around three ot four months ago, He's in Woodstock now.	What's he doing there? Teaching?
-What's he doing there? Teaching?	No, he's working on another book.
-No, he's working on another book.	Don't you think he's too old, though? How's his health?
-Don't you think he's too old, though? How's his health?	It must be alright. He's still running around digging up tombs. Besides, he's had experience.
-It must be alright. He's still running around digging up tombs. Besides, he's had experience.	I didn't know that.
-I didn't know that.	Ten maybe twelve years ago, in Africa. The exorcism supposedly lasted for months. I heard it damn near killed him.
-You're convinced that it's genuine.	I don't know. No, not really I suppose. But I've made a prudent judgement that it meets the conditions set down in the Ritual.
-I don't know. No, not really I suppose. But I've made a prudent judgement that it meets the conditions set down in the Ritual.	You'd want to do the exorcism yourself?
-You'd want to do the exorcism yourself?	Yes.
-Yes.	It might be best to have a man with experience. Maybe someone who's spent time in the foreign missions.
-It might be best to have a man with experience. Maybe someone who's spent time in the foreign missions.	I see, your excellency.
-I see, your excellency.	Let's see whose around. In the meantime I'll call you as soon as I know.
-Let's see whose around. In the meantime I'll call you as soon as I know.	Thank you your excellency.
-Quite frankly, we don't know much about it except that it's starts with some conflict or guilt that eventually leads to the patient's delusion that his body's been invaded by an alien intellegence; a spirit if you will.	Look, I'm telling you again and you'd better believe it, I'm not about to put her in a goddamn asylum!
-Look, I'm telling you again and you'd better believe it, I'm not about to put her in a goddamn asylum!	It's-
-It's-	And I don't care what you call it! I'm not putting her away!
-And I don't care what you call it! I'm not putting her away!	I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.	You're sorry. Christ, eighty-eight doctors and all you can tell me is all of your bullshit...
-It's a stylized ritual in which rabbis or priests try to drive out the so-called invading spirit. It's pretty much discarded these days, except by the Catholics who keep it in the closet as a sort of embarrassment. It has worked, in fact, although not for the reason they think, of course. It was purely the force of suggestion. The victim's belief in possession helped cause it; and just in the same way this belief in the power of exorcism can make it disappear.	You're telling me that, I should take my daughter to a witch doctor? Is that it?
-Hello?	In here!
-Hi	Hi, how'd your day go?
-Hi, how'd your day go?	Oh not to bad, kinda like the Walt Disney version of the Ho Chi Minh story, but other than that it was terrific.
-Here.	Oh great, anything else?
-Oh great, anything else?	And you got an invitation.
-And you got an invitation.	What's this?
-What's this?	Dinner at the White House.
-Dinner at the White House.	Your kidding me. What is it a big party or something?
-Your kidding me. What is it a big party or something?	Just five or six people.
-Just five or six people.	No kidding.
-Hello? Yes this is Mrs. MacNeil. Operator you have got to be kidding I have been on this line for twenty minutes.  Jesus Christ, can you believe this, he doesn't even call his daughter on her birthday for christ sake.	Maybe the circuit is busy?
-Maybe the circuit is busy?	Oh circuit my ass, he doesn't give a shit!
-Oh circuit my ass, he doesn't give a shit!	Why don't you let me?
-What the hell do you mean going out and leaving Regan by her self! What are you kidding her window's wide open...	What didn't he tell you?
-What didn't he tell you?	Didn't who tell me?
-Didn't who tell me?	Burke.
-Burke.	What's Burke got to do with it?
-What's Burke got to do with it?	Well, when I went to get the Thorazine I had him to stay with her and... Oh, I should of known better.
-Well, when I went to get the Thorazine I had him to stay with her and... Oh, I should of known better.	Yeah, well I guess you should've.
-What did the doctor say?	We have to start looking for a shrink.
-Oh Burke! Poor Burke!	I can't believe it.
-This was under Regan's pillow. Did you put it there?	Of course I didn't.
-Where do you want this?	What is it?
-What is it?	Phonograph.
-Phonograph.	Storage.
-I'm gonna miss you.	Me too.
-Me too.	Sure you won't change your mind?
-Does your daughter remember if perhaps Mr. Dennings was in her room in her room that night?	No, she was heavily sedated.
-No, she was heavily sedated.	It's serious?
-It's serious?	Yes, I'm affraid it is.
-Yes, I'm affraid it is.	May I ask...?
-May I ask...?	We still don't know.
-We still don't know.	Watch out for drafts. A draft in the fall when the house is hot is a magic carpet for bacteria.
-Strange...strange...so baffling. The deceased comes to visit, stays only twenty minutes, and leaves all alone a very sick girl. And speaking plainly Mrs. MacNeil, as you say, it's not likely he would fall from a window. Besides that, a fall wouldn't do to his neck what we found except maybe a chance in a thousand. My hunch? My opinion? I believe he was killed by a very powerful man: point one. And the fracturing of the skull - point two - plus the various things I have mentioned, would make it very probable - probable, not certain - that the deceased was killed and then pushed from your daughter's window. But no-one was here except your daughter. So how could this be? It could be one way: if someone came calling between the time Miss Spencer left and the time you returned. The servants, they have visitors?	No. Not at all,
-No. Not at all,	You were expecting a deliver y that day?
-You were expecting a deliver y that day?	Not that I know of.
-Not that I know of.	Groceries maybe? A package?
-Groceries maybe? A package?	I really wouldn't know, you see Karl takes care of that.
-I really wouldn't know, you see Karl takes care of that.	Oh, I see.
-Oh, I see.	Want to ask him?
-Want to ask him?	Never mind.
-Would you like some more coffee?	Please.
-Incidentally, just a chance in a million, I know; but your daughter - you could possibly ask her if she saw Mr. Dennings in her room that night?	Look, he wouldn't have any reason to be up there in the first place.
-Look, he wouldn't have any reason to be up there in the first place.	"I know that. I realize. But if a certain British doctor never asked ""What's this fungus?"" we wouldn't today have penicillin. Correct?"
-"I know that. I realize. But if a certain British doctor never asked ""What's this fungus?"" we wouldn't today have penicillin. Correct?"	When she's well enough, I'll ask.
-When she's well enough, I'll ask.	Couldn't hurt. In the meantime...
-I hate to ask you this but... for my daughter could you maybe give an autograph?	Of course. Have you got a pen?
-Oh, she'd love it.	What's her name?
-I lied. It's for me. The spelling is on the back, Kinderman. You know that film you made called Angel? Isaw that six times.	Really? wow.
-Thank you.	You're a nice man.
-Good morning Madame.	Good morning Karl. Oh Karl, we've got rats in the attic you better get some traps.
-Good morning Karl. Oh Karl, we've got rats in the attic you better get some traps.	Rats?
-Rats?	Uh huh. 'Fraid so.
-But it's clean?	All right then we've got clean rats.
-No. No rats.	I just heard them Karl.
-Yeah or maybe rats now will you just get those traps.	Yes, I go now.
-Yes, I go now.	Well don't go now Karl the stores aren't open yet.
-There is nothing.	Oh Karl, Jesus Christ Karl, don't do that.
-Oh Karl, Jesus Christ Karl, don't do that.	Very sorry, but you see, no rats!
-Very sorry, but you see, no rats!	No rats. Thanks a lot that's terrific.
-Bastard! I will kill you.	Karl!!
-Karl? Did you put this in Regan's bedroom?	She is going to be well?
-She is going to be well?	Karl if you put this in Regan's room I want you to tell me, now did you?
-Karl if you put this in Regan's room I want you to tell me, now did you?	No. It wasn't me. I didn't.
-Excuse me Miss?	What!
-What!	A man to see you.
-A man to see you.	What man?
-Excuse me Madame? Will there be anything else?	No thanks Karl.
-Morning.	Good morning Mrs. MacNeil.
-Good morning Mrs. MacNeil.	How are you today?
-How are you today?	Fine thank you.
-Fine thank you.	That's good.
-Is it coming out Willie?	Yes, I think so.
-A disorder of the nerves. At least we think it is. We don't know yet exactly how it works, but it's often seen in earl adolescence. She shows all the symptoms: the hyperactivity; the temper; her performance in math.	Why the math?
-Why the math?	It affects concentration.
-Now this is for Ritalin. Ten miligrams a day.	What is it? A tranquilizer?
-What is it? A tranquilizer?	A stimulant.
-A stimulant.	Stimulant? She's higher than a kite right now!
-Stimulant? She's higher than a kite right now!	Her condition isn't quite what it seems. Nobody knows the cause of her hyperkinetic behaviour in a child. The Ritalin sems to work to relieve the condition, but we really don't know how or why, frankly. Your daughter's symptoms could be an overreaction to depression- but that's out of my field.
-Her condition isn't quite what it seems. Nobody knows the cause of her hyperkinetic behaviour in a child. The Ritalin sems to work to relieve the condition, but we really don't know how or why, frankly. Your daughter's symptoms could be an overreaction to depression- but that's out of my field.	Depression?
-Depression?	Well, you mentioned her father... the divorce.
-Well, you mentioned her father... the divorce.	Do you think I should take her to see a psychiatrist?
-Do you think I should take her to see a psychiatrist?	Oh no. I'd wait and see what happens with the Ritalin. I think that's the answer. Wait two or three weeks.
-Oh no. I'd wait and see what happens with the Ritalin. I think that's the answer. Wait two or three weeks.	And those lies she's been telling?
-And those lies she's been telling?	Lies?
-Lies?	Ya know, those things to get attention, like saying that her bed shakes and stuff.
-Ya know, those things to get attention, like saying that her bed shakes and stuff.	Have you ever known your daughter to swear and use obscenities?
-Have you ever known your daughter to swear and use obscenities?	Never.
-Never.	Well, you see, that's quite similar to things like her lying- uncharacter-
-Well, you see, that's quite similar to things like her lying- uncharacter-	Wait a minute. What are you talking about?
-Wait a minute. What are you talking about?	Well, she let loose quite a string while I was examining her, Mrs. MacNeil.
-Well, she let loose quite a string while I was examining her, Mrs. MacNeil.	You're kidding! Like what?
-You're kidding! Like what?	Well, I'd say her vocabulary's rather extensive.
-Well, I'd say her vocabulary's rather extensive.	Well, what, for example? I mean, give me a for instance!
-Hey, come on, I'm grown-up. What'd she say? I mean specifically, Doctor.	Well, specifically, Mrs. MacNeil, she advised me to keep my fingers away from her goddam cunt.
-Well, specifically, Mrs. MacNeil, she advised me to keep my fingers away from her goddam cunt.	She used those words?
-She used those words?	She used those words. Look, I doubt that she even understood what she was saying.
-She used those words. Look, I doubt that she even understood what she was saying.	Yeah, I guess. Maybe not. You don't think a psychiatrist-?
-Yeah, I guess. Maybe not. You don't think a psychiatrist-?	The best explanation is always the simplest one. Let's wait. Let's wait and see. In the meantime try not to worry.
-Well, It's a symptom of a type of desturbance in the chemico- electrical activity of the brain. In the case of your daughter in the temperal lobe, up here in the lateral part of the brain. It's rare, but it does cause bizarre hallucinations and usually just before a convulsion.	Convulsion?
-Convulsion?	The shaking of the bed, that's doubtless due to musuclar spasms.
-The shaking of the bed, that's doubtless due to musuclar spasms.	Oh no, that was no spasm. I got on the bed, the whole bed was thumping and rising off the floor and shaking. The whole thing, with me on it!
-Oh no, that was no spasm. I got on the bed, the whole bed was thumping and rising off the floor and shaking. The whole thing, with me on it!	Mrs. MacNeil the problem with your daughter is not her bed, it's her brain.
-So, what causes this?	Lesion, Lesion in the temperal lobe. It's a kind of seizure disorder.
-Lesion, Lesion in the temperal lobe. It's a kind of seizure disorder.	Look doc, I really don't understand how her whole personality could change.
-Look doc, I really don't understand how her whole personality could change.	The temperal lobe is very common. Could last for days, even weeks. It isn't rare to find destructive or even criminal behaviour.
-The temperal lobe is very common. Could last for days, even weeks. It isn't rare to find destructive or even criminal behaviour.	Hey do me a favour will ya'. Tell me something good.
-Hey do me a favour will ya'. Tell me something good.	Don't be alarmed. If it's a lesion in a way she's fortunate. All we have to do is remove the scar.
-She's heavily sedated. She'll probably sleep through tomorrow.	What was going on in there, how could she jump off the bed like that?
-We still think the temporal lobe...	Oh. What are you talking about for Christ sake! Did you see her or not? She's acting like a fucking out of her mind psychotic or a split personality or...
-Do you keep any drugs in your house?	No. Of course not, nothing like that.
-No. Of course not, nothing like that.	Are you sure?
-Are you sure?	Well of course I'm sure. I'd tell you. Christ, I don't even smoke grass.
-Well of course I'm sure. I'd tell you. Christ, I don't even smoke grass.	Are you planning to be home soon? LA, I mean.
-Are you planning to be home soon? LA, I mean.	No. I'm building a new house, the old one's been sold. I was going to take Regan to Europe for a while, after she finished school here. Why d'you ask?
-No. I'm building a new house, the old one's been sold. I was going to take Regan to Europe for a while, after she finished school here. Why d'you ask?	I think it's time we started looking for a psychiatrist.
-Chris MacNeil?	Please go away.
-Please go away.	I'm Father Karras.
-Oh, I'm very sorry Father. Hi.	That's okay. I should've told you I wouldn't be in uniform.
-That's okay. I should've told you I wouldn't be in uniform.	Yeah, it would've helped. Have you gotta cigarette Father?
-So, how'd a shrink ever get to be a priest?	It's the other way around. The society sent me through med school.
-It's the other way around. The society sent me through med school.	Where?
-Where?	Harvard, Bellevue, John Hopkins.
-Harvard, Bellevue, John Hopkins.	You're a friend of Father Dyer, right?
-You're a friend of Father Dyer, right?	Yes am.
-Yes am.	Pretty close?
-Pretty close?	Pretty close.
-Pretty close.	Did he tell you about my party?
-Did he tell you about my party?	Sure did.
-Sure did.	About my daughter?
-About my daughter?	No I didn't know you had one.
-No I didn't know you had one.	He didn't mention?
-He didn't mention?	No.
-No.	Didn't tell you of what she did?
-Didn't tell you of what she did?	He didn't mention her.
-He didn't mention her.	Priests keep pretty tight mouthed then?
-Priests keep pretty tight mouthed then?	That depends.
-That depends.	On what?
-On what?	The priest.
-The priest.	I mean, what if a person, let's say, was a criminal, like maybe a murderer or something, you know? If he came to you for help, would you have to turn him in?
-I mean, what if a person, let's say, was a criminal, like maybe a murderer or something, you know? If he came to you for help, would you have to turn him in?	If he came to me for spritual help, I'd say no.
-If he came to me for spritual help, I'd say no.	You wouldn't.
-You wouldn't.	No I wouldn't. But I'd try to persuade him to turn himself in.
-No I wouldn't. But I'd try to persuade him to turn himself in.	And how do you go about getting an exorcism?
-And how do you go about getting an exorcism?	I beg your pardon?
-I beg your pardon?	If a person was possessed by a demon of some kind, how do you go about getting an exorcism?
-If a person was possessed by a demon of some kind, how do you go about getting an exorcism?	Well, the first thing I'd do is put them into a time macine and send them back to the sixteenth century.
-Well, the first thing I'd do is put them into a time macine and send them back to the sixteenth century.	I didn't get you?
-I didn't get you?	Well it just doesn't happen anymore Mrs. MacNeil.
-Well it just doesn't happen anymore Mrs. MacNeil.	Oh yeah, since when?
-Oh yeah, since when?	Since we learned about mental illness, paranoia, schizophrenia. All the things they taught me in Harvard. Mrs. MacNeil since the day I joined the Jesuits, I've never met one priest who has performed an exorcism, not one.
-Since we learned about mental illness, paranoia, schizophrenia. All the things they taught me in Harvard. Mrs. MacNeil since the day I joined the Jesuits, I've never met one priest who has performed an exorcism, not one.	Yeah well, it just so happens that somebody very close to me is probably possessed, and needs an exorcist.
-That's all the more reason to forget about exorcism.	Why, I don't understand?
-Why, I don't understand?	To begin with it could make things worse.
-To begin with it could make things worse.	But how?
-But how?	Well before the church approves an exorcism, it conducts an investigation to see if it's warranted. That takes time. In the meantime...
-Well before the church approves an exorcism, it conducts an investigation to see if it's warranted. That takes time. In the meantime...	You could do it yourself...
-You could do it yourself...	No I couldn't, I have to have church approval, and frankly, that's rarely given,-
-No I couldn't, I have to have church approval, and frankly, that's rarely given,-	Could you see her?
-Could you see her?	Yes I could, I could see her as a psychiatrist...
-Yes I could, I could see her as a psychiatrist...	Not a psychiatrist! She needs a priest! She's already seen every fucking psychiatrist in the world and they sent me to you, now you're gonna send me back to them! Jesus Christ, won't somebody help her!
-Not a psychiatrist! She needs a priest! She's already seen every fucking psychiatrist in the world and they sent me to you, now you're gonna send me back to them! Jesus Christ, won't somebody help her!	No, you don't understand. Your daughter-
-No, you don't understand. Your daughter-	Oh, will you help her! Just help her!
-Thanks. Look, I'm only against the possibility of doing your daughter more harm than good.	Nothing you could do would make it any worse.
-Nothing you could do would make it any worse.	I can't do it. I need evidence that the church would accept as signs of possession.
-I can't do it. I need evidence that the church would accept as signs of possession.	Like what?
-Like what?	Like her speaking in a language that she's never known or studied.
-Like her speaking in a language that she's never known or studied.	What else?
-What else?	I don't know. I'll have to look it up.
-I don't know. I'll have to look it up.	I thought you were supposed to be an expert.
-I thought you were supposed to be an expert.	There are no experts. You probably know as much about possession than most priests. Look your daughter doesn't say she's a demon, she says she's the devil himself and if you've seen as many psychotics as I have, you'd know it's like saying you're Napoleon Bonaparte. You ask me what I think is best for your daughter. Six months, under observation in the best hospital you can find.
-There are no experts. You probably know as much about possession than most priests. Look your daughter doesn't say she's a demon, she says she's the devil himself and if you've seen as many psychotics as I have, you'd know it's like saying you're Napoleon Bonaparte. You ask me what I think is best for your daughter. Six months, under observation in the best hospital you can find.	You show me Regan's double: same face, same voice, same everything. I'd know it wasn't Regan. I'd know in my gut and I'm telling you that that thing upstairs isn't my daughter! And I want you to tell me that you know for a fact that there's nothing wrong with my daughter except in her mind! You tell me you know for a fact that an exorcism wouldn't do any good! You tell me that!
-Did Regan know a priest was coming over?	No.
-No.	Did you know my mother died recently?
-Did you know my mother died recently?	Yes I did, I'm sorry.
-Yes I did, I'm sorry.	No, is Regan aware of it?
-No, is Regan aware of it?	Not at all. Why d'you ask?
-Not at all. Why d'you ask?	It's not important good night.
-Wanna drink.	Please.
-Please.	What do you drink?
-No it's alright I'll take it straight.	Are you sure?
-Are you sure?	It's fine really, sit.
-Where's Regan's father?	In Europe.
-In Europe.	Have you told him what's happening?
-Have you told him what's happening?	No
-No	Well I think you should.
-I told Regan that was holy water, I sprinkled some on her and she reacted very violently. It's tap water.	What's the difference?
-What's the difference?	Holy water's blessed. And that doesn't help support a case for possession.
-She...killed Burke Dennings.	What?
-What?	She killed Burke Dennings. She pushed him out of the window.
-Yes. He's already here.	Father?
-Is she gonna die?	No.
-What did you do today?	Um........Stuff.
-Um........Stuff.	What kind of stuff?
-What kind of stuff?	Well, me and Sharon played a game in the back yard, and we had a picnic down by the river.
-Oh mom, you should have seen this man came along on this beautiful grey horse.  Wasn't it pretty?	Really, what kind was it a mair or guilding?
-Really, what kind was it a mair or guilding?	Think it was a guilding. It was grey. Oh it was so beautiful, the guy let me ride it all around.
-Think it was a guilding. It was grey. Oh it was so beautiful, the guy let me ride it all around.	Your kidding?
-Well, not while we're in Washington.	Oh............
-Oh............	We'll see when we get home okay.
-We'll see when we get home okay.	When can I have one?
-When can I have one?	We'll see Regan.  Now about those party invitations.......
-Oh look at that.	You like it?
-You like it?	Oh it's so funny.
-Hey, where'd this come from?	I found it.
-I found it.	Where?
-Where?	The closet
-You've been playing with it?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	You know how?
-You know how?	Here I'll show you.
-Wait a minute you need two.	No you don't. I do it all the time.
-No you don't. I do it all the time.	Oh yeah, well let's both play.
-You really don't want me to play huh?	No I do, Captain Howdy said no.
-No I do, Captain Howdy said no.	Captain who?
-Captain who?	Captain Howdy.
-Captain Howdy.	Who's Captain Howdy?
-Who's Captain Howdy?	You know, I make the questions and he does the answers.
-You know, I make the questions and he does the answers.	Oh, Captain Howdy....
-Oh, Captain Howdy....	He's nice.
-He's nice.	Oh I bet he is.
-Oh I bet he is.	Here I'll show you.
-Captain Howdy, Do you think my mom's pretty? Captain Howdy? Captain Howdy that isn't very nice.	Well, maybe he's sleeping.
-Well, maybe he's sleeping.	You think?
-Regan, why are you reading that?	Cause I like it.
-Cause I like it.	It's not even a good picture. Looks to mature.
-It's not even a good picture. Looks to mature.	I wouldn't talk.
-I wouldn't talk.	Oh you wouldn't talk, well I didn't have my make up man there.
-What are we gonna do on your birthday, isn't that nice it's on a Sunday this year, what can we do?	I don't know
-I don't know	Well what would you like to do? Got any ideas?
-Yeah	Okay. And tomorrow night, I'll take you to a movie, okay?
-Okay. And tomorrow night, I'll take you to a movie, okay?	Oh I love you.
-I love you Rags. We'll have a good day yeah?	You can bring Mr. Dennings if you like.
-You can bring Mr. Dennings if you like.	Mr. Dennings?
-Mr. Dennings?	Well you know it's okay.
-Well you know it's okay.	Well thank you very much but why on earth would I want to bring Burke on your birthday?
-Well thank you very much but why on earth would I want to bring Burke on your birthday?	You like him.
-You like him.	Yeah I like him. Don't you like him? Hey what's going on? What is this?
-Yeah I like him. Don't you like him? Hey what's going on? What is this?	Your not gonna marry him are you?
-Your not gonna marry him are you?	Oh my god, you kidding, me marry Burke Dennings don't be silly, of course not.
-Oh my god, you kidding, me marry Burke Dennings don't be silly, of course not.	What?
-What?	Where'd you ever get an idea like that?
-Where'd you ever get an idea like that?	But you like him.
-But you like him.	Course I like him, I like pizzas to but I'm not gonna marry one.
-Course I like him, I like pizzas to but I'm not gonna marry one.	Do you not like him like daddy?
-Do you not like him like daddy?	Oh Regan I love your daddy. I'll always love your daddy. Burke just comes around here a lot because he's lonely, don't got nothin' to do.
-Oh Regan I love your daddy. I'll always love your daddy. Burke just comes around here a lot because he's lonely, don't got nothin' to do.	Well I heard differently.
-Well I heard differently.	Oh you did. What did you hear?
-Oh you did. What did you hear?	I don't know, I just thought.
-I don't know, I just thought.	Well your thinking's not so good.
-Well your thinking's not so good.	How do you know?
-How do you know?	Cause Burke and I are just friends. Okay, really.
-Cause Burke and I are just friends. Okay, really.	Okay.
-People get tired.	Why does God let us get tired?
-Why does God let us get tired?	God gets lonesome for us, Rags. He wants us back.
-What are you doing here?	My bed was shaking, I can't get to sleep.
-My bed was shaking, I can't get to sleep.	Oh, honey.
-Oh my God!	Make it stop! What's wrong!! I'm scared!!!
-I don't want it.	Honey it's to help you.
-Mother please! Oh please mother make it stop! It's burning, it's burning please mother!	So something please Doctor, Help her!
-So something please Doctor, Help her!	Make it stop,it really hurts! Mother! Make it...
-All done.	Honey this is Father Dyer.
-Honey this is Father Dyer.	Hi Father.
-Over behind the church, you know where I mean over there, it's a red brick wing?	St. Mike's.
-St. Mike's.	What goes down there? I mean who's the priest I keep seeing, he's there all the time. He has black hair and he's very intense looking?
-What goes down there? I mean who's the priest I keep seeing, he's there all the time. He has black hair and he's very intense looking?	Damien Karras.
-Damien Karras.	Karras.
-Karras.	That's his office back of St. Mike's. He's our psychiatric counsellor. He had a pretty rough knock last night poor guy, his mother passed away. She was living by herself and I guess she was dead a couple of days before they found her.
-Hi Chris. Great party.	Yeah, don't stop. Keep going.
-Yeah, don't stop. Keep going.	Listen, I don't need any encouragement, but my idea of heaven is a solid white night club, with me as the head liner, for all eternity and they love me.
-She doesn't remeber a thing.	That's good.
-Goodbye Father. I call you.	Okay.
-Pathological states can induce abnormal strength, accelerated motor performance. For example, a ninety-pound women sees her child pinned under the wheel of a truck, runs out and lifts the wheels half a foot up off the ground. You know the story, same thing here. Same principle, I mean.	So what's wrong with her?
-There haven't been more than a hundred authenticated cases of so- called split personality, Mrs. MacNeil. Now I know the temptation is to leap to psychiatry, but any reasonable psychiatrist would exhaust the somatic possibilities first.	So what's next?
-So what's next?	A pneumoencephelogram, I would think, pin down that lesion. It will involve another spinal.
-A pneumoencephelogram, I would think, pin down that lesion. It will involve another spinal.	Oh, Christ.
-Oh, Christ.	What we missed in the EEG and the arteriogram could conceivably turn up there. At the least, it would eliminate certain other possibilities.
-Where'd you get the money for the Chivas Regal? The poor box?	That's an insult, I got a vow of poverty.
-That's an insult, I got a vow of poverty.	Where'd you get it then?
-Where'd you get it then?	I stole it.
-I stole it.	I believe you.
-I believe you.	College president shouldn't drink. Tends to set a bad example, I figure I saved them from a big temptation.
-College president shouldn't drink. Tends to set a bad example, I figure I saved them from a big temptation.	Oh Christ! I should of been there and I wasn't there, I should've been there.
-Oh Christ! I should of been there and I wasn't there, I should've been there.	There was nothing you could do. Lye down. C'mon.
-Think you can sleep?	Are you gonna steal my shoes now?
-Are you gonna steal my shoes now?	No, I tell fortunes by reading the crease, now shut up and go to sleep.
-Goodnight Dims.	Stealing is a sin.
-Lieutenant?	I came to say goodbye.
-I came to say goodbye.	You just missed them.
-You just missed them.	How's the girl?
-How's the girl?	She seemed fine.
-She seemed fine.	Ah, that's good. That's all that's important. Back to business. Back to work. Bye now, Father.
-Ah, that's good. That's all that's important. Back to business. Back to work. Bye now, Father.	Good bye.
-Do you like films?	Sure.
-Sure.	I get passes. In fact I got a pass for The Crest tomorrow night. Would you like to go?
-I get passes. In fact I got a pass for The Crest tomorrow night. Would you like to go?	What's playing.
-What's playing.	Withering Heights.
-Withering Heights.	Who's in it?
-Who's in it?	Heathcliff, Jackie Gleason, and in the role of Catherine Earnshaw, Lucille Ball.
-Heathcliff, Jackie Gleason, and in the role of Catherine Earnshaw, Lucille Ball.	I've seen it.
-I've seen it.	Another one. Had your lunch?
-Another one. Had your lunch?	No.
-Hello Regan. I'm a friend of your mother, I'd like to help you.	You might loosen the straps then.
-You might loosen the straps then.	I'm affraid you might hurt yourself Regan.
-I'm affraid you might hurt yourself Regan.	I'm not Regan.
-I'm not Regan.	I see. Well then let's introduce ourselves, I'm Damien Karras.
-I see. Well then let's introduce ourselves, I'm Damien Karras.	And I'm the Devil! Now kindly undo these straps!
-And I'm the Devil! Now kindly undo these straps!	If you're the devil, why not make the straps disappear?
-If you're the devil, why not make the straps disappear?	That's much to vulgar a display of power Karras.
-That's much to vulgar a display of power Karras.	Where's Regan?
-Where's Regan?	In here. With us.
-In here. With us.	Show me Regan and I'll loosen one of the straps.
-Your mother's in here with us Karras, would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it.	If that's true, then you must know my mother's maiden name. What is it?
-"He broke the bread, gave it to his disciples and said ""Take this, all of you and eat. For this is my body."" When the supper had ended, he took the cup, again he gave you thanks and praise. Gave the cup to his disciples and said ""Take this, all of you will drink from it, this is the cup of blood, the blood of the new and ever lasting covenant and the mystery of faith""."	What an excellent day for an exorcism.
-You'd like that?	Intensely.
-Intensely.	But wouldn't that drive you out of Regan?
-But wouldn't that drive you out of Regan?	It would bring us together.
-It would bring us together.	You and Regan?
-You and Regan?	You and us.
-Did you do that?	Uh Huh.
-Do it again.	In time.
-In time.	No now.
-No now.	In time. But mirabile dictu, don't you agree?
-You speak Latin?	Ego te abslovo.
-Ego te abslovo.	Quod nomen mihi est?
-Quod nomen mihi est?	Bon Jour.
-Bon Jour.	Quod nomen mihi est?
-Quod nomen mihi est?	La plume de ma tante.
-How long are you planning to stay in Regan?	Until she rots and lie stinking in the earth.
-What's that?	Holy water.
-Ydob eht ni mraw si ti! Uoy ees I! Tseirp a si eh! Emit su evig! Nirrem! Nirrem!	Who are you?
-Who are you?	Tseirp a si eh! Eno on ma I! Eno on ma I! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
-I am no one! I am no one! He is a priest!	Uoy era ohw.
-Uoy era ohw.	Merrin! Merrin!
-I am no one! I am no one! He is a priest!	Uoy era ohw.
-I'm all right.	How's your leg?
-Your Uncle John stopped by to visit me.	Oh really, when?
-Oh really, when?	Last month.
-Is that too tight?	No.
-No.	Now momma you have to stay off it, you can't keep go up and down those stairs you have to give it rest.
-Now momma you have to stay off it, you can't keep go up and down those stairs you have to give it rest.	Okay
-Okay	Momma I can take you somewhere to a place where you wouldn't be alone. There'd be people around, you know you won't have to sit here listening to the radio.
-Dimmy, you worry for something?	No momma.
-No momma.	You are not happy. Tell me what is the matter?
-You are not happy. Tell me what is the matter?	Momma, I'm all right, I'm fine, really I am.
-No.	I would like you to go quickly over to the resdence Damien, and gather up a cassock for myself, two surplices, a purple stole, and some holy water, and your copy of The Roman Ritual. The Large one. I believe we should begin.
-I would like you to go quickly over to the resdence Damien, and gather up a cassock for myself, two surplices, a purple stole, and some holy water, and your copy of The Roman Ritual. The Large one. I believe we should begin.	Do you want to hear the background of the case, first?
-Do you want to hear the background of the case, first?	Why?
-We may ask what is relevant, but anything beyond that is dangerous. He is a liar, the demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological , Damien. And powerful. So don't listen, remember that, do not listen.	I think it would be helpful if I gave you some background on the different personalities Regan has manifested. So far, there seems to be three. She's convinced-
-I think it would be helpful if I gave you some background on the different personalities Regan has manifested. So far, there seems to be three. She's convinced-	There's only one.
-Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation.	But deliver us from the evil one.
-Save me o' God by thy name, by thy might defend my cause, proud men have risen up against me, men of violence seek my life, but God is my helper, the Lord sustains my life and every need he has delivered to me, glory be to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.	As it was in the begin is now and ever shall be, world without end, amen.
-As it was in the begin is now and ever shall be, world without end, amen.	Save your servant
-Save your servant	Who places her trust in thee, my God.
-Who places her trust in thee, my God.	Be unto her o' Lord a fortified tower.
-Be unto her o' Lord a fortified tower.	In the face of the enemy.
-Let the enemy have no power over her.	And the son of iniquity be powerless to harm her.
-And let my cry come unto thee.	The Lord be with you.
-The Lord be with you.	And also with you.
-And also with you.	Let us pray. Holy Lord, almighty Father, everlasting God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who once and for all consigned that fallen tyrant to the flames of hell. Who sent your only begotten son into the world to crush that roaring lion.
-...and to redeem through your son. Who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the holy spirit, God forever and ever.	Amen
-Amen	O'Lord hear my preyer.
-Father Karras? Father Karras? Damien? The reponse please Damien!	And let my cry come unto thee.
-...and the power to confront this cruel demon.	Amen
-See the cross of the Lord. Be gone you hostile power. O'Lord hear my prayer.	And let my cry come unto thee.
-And let my cry come unto thee.	The Lord be with you.
-The Lord be with you.	And also with you.
-Amen.	Defender of the human race...
-Shut up!!	... upon this your servant, Regan Teresa MacNeil.
-Why this girl it makes no sense?	I think the point is to make us dispair... To see our selves as... animal and ugly... To reject the possibillity that God could love us.
-What is it?	Her heart.
-Her heart.	Can you give her something?
-Can you give her something?	She'll go into coma.
-You're not my mother!!!	Don't listen.
-Have we met?	No we haven't met, but they said I could tell; that you looked like a boxer.
-William F. Kinderman. Homicide.	What's this about?
-What's this about?	Yeah, it's true. You do look like a boxer. John Garfield, in Body and Soul. Exactly John Garfield anyone told you that Father?
-Yeah, it's true. You do look like a boxer. John Garfield, in Body and Soul. Exactly John Garfield anyone told you that Father?	Do people tell you look like Paul Newman?
-Do people tell you look like Paul Newman?	Always.
-You this director was doing a film here, Burke Dennings?	I've seen him.
-I've seen him.	You've seen him. You're also familiar with how last week he died?
-You've seen him. You're also familiar with how last week he died?	Only what I read in the papers.
-Only what I read in the papers.	Papers. Tell me, what do you know about the subject of witchcraft? From the witching end, not the hunting.
-Papers. Tell me, what do you know about the subject of witchcraft? From the witching end, not the hunting.	I once did a paper on it
-I once did a paper on it	Really?
-Really?	From the psychiatric end.
-From the psychiatric end.	I know. I read it. These desecration's in the church…you think they have anything to do with witchcraft?
-I know. I read it. These desecration's in the church…you think they have anything to do with witchcraft?	Maybe. Some rituals used in Black Mass. Maybe.
-Maybe. Some rituals used in Black Mass. Maybe.	And Dennings, you read how he died?
-And Dennings, you read how he died?	Yeah, a fall.
-Yeah, a fall.	Let me tell you how Father, and please confidential. Burke Dennings, good Father, was found at the bottom of those steps leading to 'M' Street, with his head turned completely around. Facing backwards.
-Let me tell you how Father, and please confidential. Burke Dennings, good Father, was found at the bottom of those steps leading to 'M' Street, with his head turned completely around. Facing backwards.	Couldn't it of happened on the fall.
-Couldn't it of happened on the fall.	It's possible. Possible however
-It's possible. Possible however	Unlikely.
-Unlikely.	Exactly. So on the one hand we've got a witchcraft type of murder and a Black Mass style of desecration in the church.
-Exactly. So on the one hand we've got a witchcraft type of murder and a Black Mass style of desecration in the church.	You think the killer and the desecrator are the same?
-You think the killer and the desecrator are the same?	Maybe somebody crazy, someone with a spite against the church, some unconscious rebellion, perhaps.
-Maybe somebody crazy, someone with a spite against the church, some unconscious rebellion, perhaps.	Sick priest, is that it?
-Sick priest, is that it?	Look, Father this is hard for you- please. But for priests on the campus here, you're the psychiatrist; you'd know who was sick at the time, who wasn't. I mean this kind of sickness. You'd know that.
-Look, Father this is hard for you- please. But for priests on the campus here, you're the psychiatrist; you'd know who was sick at the time, who wasn't. I mean this kind of sickness. You'd know that.	I don't know anyone who fits the description.
-I don't know anyone who fits the description.	Ah, doctor's ethics. If you knew you wouldn't tell, huh?
-Ah, doctor's ethics. If you knew you wouldn't tell, huh?	No I probably wouldn't.
-No I probably wouldn't.	Not to bother you with trivia, but a psychiatrist in sunny California was thrown in jail for not telling the judge what he knew about a patient.
-Not to bother you with trivia, but a psychiatrist in sunny California was thrown in jail for not telling the judge what he knew about a patient.	Is that a threat?
-Is that a threat?	No, I mentioned it only in passing.
-No, I mentioned it only in passing.	Incidentally I mention only in passing that I could tell the judge that it was a matter of confession.
-Hey, Father? You like movies?	Very much.
-Very much.	I get passes to the best shows in town. Mrs. K though, she gets tired and never likes to go.
-I get passes to the best shows in town. Mrs. K though, she gets tired and never likes to go.	That's to bad.
-That's to bad.	Yeah, I hate to go alone. You know, I like to talk film; discuss the critique. D'you wanna see a film with me? I got passes to The Crest. It's Othello.
-Yeah, I hate to go alone. You know, I like to talk film; discuss the critique. D'you wanna see a film with me? I got passes to The Crest. It's Othello.	Who's in it?
-Who's in it?	Who's in it? Debbie Reynolds, Desdemona, and Othello, Groucho Marx. You're happy?
-Who's in it? Debbie Reynolds, Desdemona, and Othello, Groucho Marx. You're happy?	I've seen it.
-I've seen it.	One last time: Can you think of some priest who fits the bill?
-One last time: Can you think of some priest who fits the bill?	Come on!
-Come on!	Answer the question, Father Paranoia.
-Answer the question, Father Paranoia.	Alright. You know who I think really did it?
-Alright. You know who I think really did it?	Who?
-Who?	The Dominicans. Go pick on them.
-The Dominicans. Go pick on them.	I could have you deported, you know that?
-MERRIN!!!!!!!	Are you tired?
-Stick your cock up her ass! You mother fucking, worthless cocksucker!	Be silent!
-Your mother sucks cocks in hell Karras, you faithless slime!	O'Lord hear my prey.
-Almighty Lord, word of God the father Jesus Christ, God and Lord of all creation, who gave to your holy apostle the power to tramp underfoot serpents and scorpions. Grant me, your unworthy servant pardon for all my sins...	Bastards! Stop!
-I cast you out!!! Unclean spirit...!	Shove it up your ass you faggot!
-Shove it up your ass you faggot!	...in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!!! It is he who commands you! He who flung you from the heights of Heaven to the depths of hell!
-...in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!!! It is he who commands you! He who flung you from the heights of Heaven to the depths of hell!	Fuck him!!!
-Fuck him!!!	...Be gone!!
-...Be gone!!	Fuck him Karras!!! Fuck him!!!
-Fuck him Karras!!! Fuck him!!!	...from this creature of God!!!
-...look down in pity...	You killed your mother!!! You left her alone to die!!!! She'll never forgive you!!! Bastard!!!
-Miss?	Yes?
-Yes?	We want to see Mrs. Karras.
-We want to see Mrs. Karras.	Do you have an appointment?
-Do you have an appointment?	Yes
-Yes	Are you a relative?
-Are you a relative?	Yes I am her brother, he's the son
-Yes I am her brother, he's the son	Just a minute.
-Are you comfortable Regan?	Yes.
-Yes.	How old are you?
-How old are you?	Twelve.
-Twelve.	Is there someone inside you?
-Is there someone inside you?	Sometimes.
-Sometimes.	Who is it?
-Who is it?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	Is it Captain Howdy?
-Is it Captain Howdy?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	If I ask him to tell me, will you let him answer?
-No.	Why not?
-Why not?	I'm afraid.
-I'm afraid.	If he talks to me, I think he'll leave you. Do you want him to leave you?
-If he talks to me, I think he'll leave you. Do you want him to leave you?	Yes.
-Give me the keys.	You're not going to drive.
-You're not going to drive.	Give me the keys!
-Give me the keys!	You're not going to drive!
-You're not going to drive!	It's my goddamn car!
-It's my goddamn car!	It's our goddamn car!
-It's our goddamn car!	Give me the keys.
-Give me the keys.	No.
-Frankie.	You wanted to see me, Charlie?
-You wanted to see me, Charlie?	Yeah, come on in.
-Yeah, come on in.	Little slow tonight.
-Little slow tonight.	Mondays.
-What's this?	Your pay.
-Your pay.	Now?  Why not tomorrow?  After the show.
-Now?  Why not tomorrow?  After the show.	Take it now.
-Take it now.	What about tomorrow?
-What about tomorrow?	We don't need you, Frankie.
-I've got the grands for two nights, Charlie.  You can't just --	It's all there.  Both nights.
-What're you saying, Charlie?	Look, Frankie.  You and Jack been playing here, a long time.
-Look, Frankie.  You and Jack been playing here, a long time.	Twelve years.
-Twelve years.	Right, twelve years.  Couple times a month.
-Right, twelve years.  Couple times a month.	So?
-So?	So maybe it's time we took a vacation from each other.
-So maybe it's time we took a vacation from each other.	Vacation?  Christ, Charlie, it's a Monday night. You said so yourself.
-Vacation?  Christ, Charlie, it's a Monday night. You said so yourself.	It wasn't half full out there tonight, Frankie. I got six waiters standing in back listening to baseball.  I gotta move the liquor. To move the liquor, I gotta fill the tables. It's a matter of economics.  Me, I love you. I love both you guys, you know that. You're class.  But people today. They don't know class if it walks up and grabs 'em by the balls.
-Trunks?	Swimming trunks.
-Swimming trunks.	Oh. No. Strictly dryland.
-Oh. No. Strictly dryland.	Too bad.  You could use some sun. Really.
-Too bad.  You could use some sun. Really.	Maybe next time.
-Maybe next time.	We have some lotion.
-We have some lotion.	Just the same.
-Just the same.	Suit yourself.
-Nothing's the matter. Is it, sweetheart?	I'll take her inside.  You too, little Frank.  Out of the pool.
-Well, look at this.	You bring trunks, Jack?
-Honey ...	You believe this?  The kid won't come out.  I'm playing 'Camptown Races' for him and the next thing I know he's locked himself in the bathroom. There's nothing sharp in there, is there?
-You believe this?  The kid won't come out.  I'm playing 'Camptown Races' for him and the next thing I know he's locked himself in the bathroom. There's nothing sharp in there, is there?	Honey ...
-Honey ...	Where are our kids? Has he got one of them in there?
-Where are our kids? Has he got one of them in there?	Frank.
-Beasley.	Baker.
-Baker.	What's our friend's problem?
-What's our friend's problem?	Teeth.
-Teeth.	What's wrong with them?
-What's wrong with them?	They're falling out.
-They're falling out.	Uh-oh.  That's not good.  Let's get him up here.
-They gotta go.	How many?
-How many?	Five's my guess.  Maybe more. Won't know till I get in there.  Leave him now and you can pick him up in the morning.
-Five's my guess.  Maybe more. Won't know till I get in there.  Leave him now and you can pick him up in the morning.	Isn't there something you can give him?  A pill or something?
-Isn't there something you can give him?  A pill or something?	Decay unfortunately doesn't limit itself to the denture, Mr. Baker. It spreads into his chest. Then the heart goes. We wouldn't want that, would we?
-Decay unfortunately doesn't limit itself to the denture, Mr. Baker. It spreads into his chest. Then the heart goes. We wouldn't want that, would we?	How will he eat?
-How will he eat?	Start him out on cottage cheese. If you've got him on kibble, just soak it a few minutes.  Go down like pudding through a hot pipe.
-Start him out on cottage cheese. If you've got him on kibble, just soak it a few minutes.  Go down like pudding through a hot pipe.	No bones?
-No bones?	No bones.
-What do you do to him?	Don't worry, Mr. Baker.  We'll knock him out. He won't feel a thing.
-Don't worry, Mr. Baker.  We'll knock him out. He won't feel a thing.	I think maybe I'll bring him back next week ...
-I think maybe I'll bring him back next week ...	The sooner we do this the better, Mr. Baker.
-You the magician?	No.
-No.	Oh.  What do you do?
-Piano.	Two at a time?
-Two at a time?	My brother and I. One each.
-My brother and I. One each.	Oh.
-Oh.	What's wrong with the kid?
-Knee.  Tore it up against St. Anthony's.  Right before the accident.	Accident?
-Accident?	The fire.  The way we're going we'll be lucky to buy a carton of jockstraps, let alone a new gym.
-What do you say we go for a walk, pal.	Get your hand off me.
-Get your hand off me.	Come on, friend.  I can smell it on you. Get yourself a cup of coffee.  You'll forget what you're angry about.
-Come on, friend.  I can smell it on you. Get yourself a cup of coffee.  You'll forget what you're angry about.	Go fuck yourself.
-Go fuck yourself.	You're a real tough guy when the ladies are around, aren't you, Ace?
-You're a real tough guy when the ladies are around, aren't you, Ace?	I don't see any ladies here. Except maybe you.
-Well, if it isn't the fabulous Baker Boys!	How's the birthday girl?
-How's the birthday girl?	A little stiffer, but just as sturdy.
-Uh, Ma, you know, no one calls him that anymore. Jack. He goes by Jack.	I thought maybe held gotten over that.
-I thought maybe held gotten over that.	Twenty years, Ma ...
-Twenty years, Ma ...	Yes, yes.  It's just that John is so much nicer. Jack sounds so ... crude. When I was a little girl, we had a pig on the farm named Jack. I guess I just can't help making the association.
-Uh ... yeah, well, you know, Ma, John Kennedy went by Jack.	Catholics.  What do you expect? Oh, well, what's in a name, right? Let's go inside and have a look at that cake.
-Oh my God ...	Recognize these two characters?
-Recognize these two characters?	I thought these were lost. Where did you find ...
-I thought these were lost. Where did you find ...	In the attic.  Behind some of Dad's stuff.  Look, Jack can hardly reach the pedals.
-Oh no!	I had a boy down at the camera shop cut them all together.  Boy, old man Henderson didn't fool around when he gave a haircut, did he, Jack?
-Oh, look at you two.  So skinny. And those tiny suits ...	Wait.  Watch.  Here comes Dad.
-What happened to the two Clays, Willie?	Out.
-Out.	When they coming in?
-When they coming in?	Wednesday next. Frank looks across the room at Jack.
-What's the gig?	Two nights.
-Tag 'em, Willie.  The Regency downtown, Thursday-Friday.  Thanks.	My pleasure.
-Great.  Terrific.  Glad you could make it.	How we doing?
-How we doing?	How we ... ? What, are you kidding me?
-How we ... ? What, are you kidding me?	Am I late?
-Am I late?	That's not the point.
-That's not the point.	What's the point?
-What's the point?	You cannot continue to walk in at the last moment, Jack.
-You cannot continue to walk in at the last moment, Jack.	You want me to show up late a few nights?
-You want me to show up late a few nights?	Jack.
-Jack.	Frank.
-Frank.	Jack.
-Jack.	Frank.  I'm here.  I always get here.  Don't sweat it.
-Frank.  I'm here.  I always get here.  Don't sweat it.	Christ, will you look at your hair?
-What's wrong with it?	You look like you just crawled out of bed.
-You look like you just crawled out of bed.	No one's gonna be looking at my hair.  Come on, we're on.
-You know, my brother and I have been playing together, gosh, I don't know.  How long has it been, Jack?	Twenty-eight years, Frank.
-That's a lot of water under the bridge, eh, Jack?	Lotta water.
-Lotta water.	Of course, back then, things were a little different.  I was eight, Jack was seven, just about the only song we knew was 'My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean', and the only one who would listen to us was the family cat, Cecil.  We must have shaved three lives off that cat, eh, Jack?
-Don't make trouble, all right?	Who's gonna make trouble?  Hey, amigo!
-I mean it, Jack.  Behave.	Like an angel.
-Count it.	Huh?
-Huh?	Count it.
-Count it.	Jack...
-Jack...	Count the fucking money, Frank.
-You mind telling me what that was about in there? Was that planned? Or were you just bored and decided to get creative?	Fuck him.
-Fuck him.	This isn't the Pine Tree Inn on Route 81, Jack.
-This isn't the Pine Tree Inn on Route 81, Jack.	Fuck him.
-Fuck him.	Fuck him.  Great.  Terrific.  Fuck him.
-So we on tomorrow night?	Maybe Thursday.  I hear the harpist at the Sheraton's got appendicitis.
-Listen ... why don't you come out to the house this weekend.  Say hello to the kids. They've grown.	I hate your kids, Frank.
-I hate your kids, Frank.	You're their uncle.
-You're their uncle.	Only by relation.  Besides, they hate me, too.
-Only by relation.  Besides, they hate me, too.	They don't.  They're always asking about you.
-They don't.  They're always asking about you.	They tried to electrocute me, Frank.
-They tried to electrocute me, Frank.	It was an accident.
-It was an accident.	It was no fucking accident, Frank. The little one ...
-It was no fucking accident, Frank. The little one ...	Cindy.
-Cindy.	She threw a goddamn radio into the bathtub. How do you explain that?
-She threw a goddamn radio into the bathtub. How do you explain that?	She didn't know what she was doing. You're too sensitive.
-She didn't know what she was doing. You're too sensitive.	You got weird kids, Frank.
-You got weird kids, Frank.	Look, I just thought if you came out you might see what you're missing.
-What d'ya got?,	Bosen black.  Flat.
-Bosen black.  Flat.	What d'you say, Willie?  Tighten her up?
-What d'ya got?	Yamaha white.  Nice.
-What do you think?	Try the black Knable.
-You know, I think it's been five years since I saw you eat anything. That's the God's truth.	Trust me, you're not missing anything.
-Trust me, you're not missing anything.	You look awful.
-You look awful.	Thanks.
-Thanks.	Really.  You sleeping?
-Really.  You sleeping?	Only on odd days.
-Only on odd days.	Seeing anyone in particular?
-Seeing anyone in particular?	Why the interest?
-Why the interest?	Because I'm your brother.  Because I care about you. Because sometimes it seems like the most significant relationship in your life is with that goddamn dog of yours.
-I'm not seeing anyone.  In particular.	What about that waitress at the Ambassador?
-What about that waitress at the Ambassador?	Uh-uh.  How about you?  You seeing anyone?
-Uh-uh.  How about you?  You seeing anyone?	Funny.  Strike a bell?
-Funny.  Strike a bell?	It's only a ring.  Not a collar.
-It's only a ring.  Not a collar.	It's more than that.
-By the way, we gotta go see Ma tomorrow.	No thanks.
-No thanks.	No, I mean it.
-No, I mean it.	So do I.
-So do I.	We gotta go, Jack.
-We gotta go, Jack.	No, you gotta go 'cause if you don't get up there every couple weeks you feel guilty. I won't feel guilty, so I don't gotta go.
-No, you gotta go 'cause if you don't get up there every couple weeks you feel guilty. I won't feel guilty, so I don't gotta go.	This time you gotta go.
-This time you gotta go.	I don't gotta go.
-I don't gotta go.	You gotta go.
-You gotta go.	Says who?
-Says who?	Your older brother.
-Your older brother.	You're thirteen months older than me, Frank. That might've meant something in the Apache clubhouse, but it don't cut too deep anymore.
-You're thirteen months older than me, Frank. That might've meant something in the Apache clubhouse, but it don't cut too deep anymore.	Christ, Jack, it's her birthday.
-So what'd we get her?	You'll see.
-I made her nervous.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	Her hands.  Like that.
-What's with Charlie?	Nothing.  Everything's great. Terrific.
-Yeah?	It's me.
-It's me.	Frank?
-Frank?	Yeah.  Listen ... come out to the house tomorrow, will ya?
-Yeah.  Listen ... come out to the house tomorrow, will ya?	I've had enough family for one month, Frank.
-I've had enough family for one month, Frank.	It's not family.  It's business.
-It's not family.  It's business.	So talk to me tomorrow.  After the gig.
-So talk to me tomorrow.  After the gig.	We don't get a gig.
-We don't get a gig.	What're you talking about?
-What're you talking about?	Something came up.  Don't worry, Charlie stayed true.  Both nights. I'll give you your share tomorrow. At the house.
-So you'll come out, right?	Yeah, okay.
-Jack.	Your doorbell doesn't work.
-Your doorbell doesn't work.	Honey, it's only Uncle Jack.  You remember Uncle Jack.
-Nice, huh?	What?
-What?	The trees.  The flowers.  Nice.
-The trees.  The flowers.  Nice.	Terrific.
-Terrific.	Yeah ... we're gonna paint in the spring. After the rains.  Look good as new.
-Yeah ... we're gonna paint in the spring. After the rains.  Look good as new.	You ask me out here to sell me your house, Frank?
-Charlie paid you off last night, didn't he?	I don't know what you mean.
-I don't know what you mean.	The hell you don't.
-The hell you don't.	I told you.  Something came up. Some political dinner or something.
-I told you.  Something came up. Some political dinner or something.	Bullshit.  Fifteen years, Frank. No one paid us off.
-Bullshit.  Fifteen years, Frank. No one paid us off.	It wasn't like that.
-It wasn't like that.	No?
-No?	No.
-No.	What was it like?
-What was it like?	Hey pal, I got a mortgage, all right? I got two kids. I got a wife. Besides, he made the deal. There's no shame in it.
-Hey pal, I got a mortgage, all right? I got two kids. I got a wife. Besides, he made the deal. There's no shame in it.	That how you see it?
-A gust of wind killed him.	Yeah, and what put him up there?
-Yeah, and what put him up there?	Hey, you weren't there.  Right?
-Look, can we forget last night? We gotta talk.	Talk.
-Talk.	I been thinking maybe we should make some changes.  I been thinking maybe we should take on a singer.
-Sure, why not.	It's just an idea.  I want your opinion. I mean, we go halfway on everything, right?
-It's just an idea.  I want your opinion. I mean, we go halfway on everything, right?	It's more like 40-60, wouldn't you say?
-It's more like 40-60, wouldn't you say?	We agreed that if I took care of the business; I'd be entitled to the extra. Isn't that what we agreed?
-We agreed that if I took care of the business; I'd be entitled to the extra. Isn't that what we agreed?	That's what we agreed.
-That's what we agreed.	If you're unhappy with the arrangement --
-If you're unhappy with the arrangement --	I'm not unhappy.
-I'm not unhappy.	If you'd like to assume more of the financial responsibilities, I'd be glad --
-If you'd like to assume more of the financial responsibilities, I'd be glad --	Frank.  Fuck it.  Okay?
-Frank.  Fuck it.  Okay?	I've tried to do well by you, Jack. By both of us.
-I've tried to do well by you, Jack. By both of us.	I'm grateful, Frank.  How much? For the singer.
-I'm grateful, Frank.  How much? For the singer.	I thought maybe twenty percent. Look, with the additional bookings we'll come out ahead.  The big hotels, they want a pretty girl with a big voice. We have to stay competitive, Jack.
-What's that?	You, Frank.  All these years you been telling me we're different.  We got novelty, Jack. No one can touch us.
-You, Frank.  All these years you been telling me we're different.  We got novelty, Jack. No one can touch us.	Two pianos isn't enough anymore, Jack.
-Two pianos isn't enough anymore, Jack.	It never was.
-Thirty-seven.  Thirty-seven.	What?
-What?	Thirty-seven girls. And not one who can carry a tune. That must be statistically impossible.
-Thirty-seven girls. And not one who can carry a tune. That must be statistically impossible.	It was a somewhat extraordinary day.
-It was a somewhat extraordinary day.	I just don't understand.  You would think someone ... anyone ...
-Jack.	Let's get it over with.
-Let's get it over with.	All right.  What's your name?
-What are you, crazy?	I just thought we should talk about it.  Between ourselves.
-I just thought we should talk about it.  Between ourselves.	What's there to talk about?  She can sing. That puts her at the head of the class. That makes her the only one in the class.
-What's there to talk about?  She can sing. That puts her at the head of the class. That makes her the only one in the class.	I don't know ... She had gum on her lip, for Christ sake. I don't think she's right for the act.
-I don't know ... She had gum on her lip, for Christ sake. I don't think she's right for the act.	You're getting cold feet about this.
-You're getting cold feet about this.	I was just thinking what Ma would think.
-I was just thinking what Ma would think.	Ma? Ma?  Was Ma there the last time we played the Ambassador?  Oh, that's right, she was on bass. How could I forget.
-How many other silent partners are there, Frank? Donna?  Little Cindy? Hell, let's give Eddie a vote.	Okay, okay.  I'll call the girl.
-What's the matter?	I didn't get her number.
-I suppose we can bring it down a little.	I'll drop the eighths.
-I'll drop the eighths.	Okay?
-Where the hell is she?	It's early.
-It's early.	I told everyone seven-fifteen. Didn't I? Seven-fifteen.
-I told everyone seven-fifteen. Didn't I? Seven-fifteen.	She'll get here.
-She'll get here.	Just like the day of the auditions, right?  Jesus.  How's my hair?
-Awe inspiring.	Yeah, well, Your's isn't.  Let me run a comb though it.
-Yeah, well, Your's isn't.  Let me run a comb though it.	Get out of here.
-Get out of here.	Come on, stand still.
-Come on, stand still.	Get out of here!
-Get out of here!	It's not gonna hurt you.
-It's not gonna hurt you.	I'll hit you, Frank.  I swear.
-You hit me.	I told you I was gonna hit you.
-All right, all right.  I'm a little tense.	You're a fucking alarm clock.
-You're a fucking alarm clock.	I just wish she'd get here, that's all.
-I just wish she'd get here, that's all.	She's here.
-No.	Here, how's this?
-See anything?	How about these?
-How about these?	Jack, for crying out loud.  Your bachelorhood's showing.  Ah, here we go.
-Oh, brother.	And it's especially nice to be among friends tonight, because, well, tonight's a very special night for my brother and I. This evening we've asked a young lady to join us, a lady Jack and I are sure will soon seem like just another old friend to you all.  She's making her debut here this evening and, as far as I'm concerned, she couldn't be doing it in a better place. Because there's one place that's always been for us a very special place, and that place is this place, the Ambassador Lounge.  Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome a very special lady with a very special way of singing a song, Miss Susie Diamond.
-Sounds like a booking agent looking to book an easy fee.	That's what I figure.  Probably have us in a bed-and-breakfast playing to the owls.
-Make it collect.	That's it except for the first. We got the Sheraton, the Ambassador, or the Holiday Inn on Sixtieth.  All three-day turns.
-Better take care of your fingers, little brother. Buy yourself a case of arthritis and you won't be able to play 'Chopsticks.'	I'll take my chances.
-Something, huh?  All those bids.	Yeah.  Something.
-Yeah.  Something.	Yeah ... Well, I gotta go.
-Yeah ... Well, I gotta go.	You wanna get a drink?
-You all right?	Yeah, fine.
-Yeah, fine.	Okay I'll see you tomorrow night then.
-Okay I'll see you tomorrow night then.	Right.
-Hey, Frank.	You recognized me.
-You recognized me.	Just a lucky guess.
-Just a lucky guess.	So what do you think?
-So what do you think?	Very realistic.
-Very realistic.	Yeah, well, what can I say?  Dad must've had forty pounds on me. Jesus, you remember him being this big?
-Yeah.	Well, the line's growing weaker, little brother. Lucky for us there aren't any dragons left to slay.
-You want to come out to the house tomorrow? The way the bookings been piling up, Donna's decided to really lay it on.  Turkey, stuffing, the whole bit.  Kitchen's so full of food you can hardly move.  We could use another appetite.	Thanks, but I've got plans.
-Thanks, but I've got plans.	All right, but if you change your mind, let me know.  I gotta go get Ma in the morning anyway.
-When's the last time we played a wedding, Jack?	Two years ago.  March.
-November.  '71.	First night?
-First night?	Day.  Wednesday.
-Day.  Wednesday.	Last?
-Last?	Sunday.
-I thought we had separate rooms.	We do.  She's got hers, we've got ours. Hey. Wash and Dries.
-We do.  She's got hers, we've got ours. Hey. Wash and Dries.	I thought we all had separate rooms.
-I thought we all had separate rooms.	Come on, Jack.  It's not like it's the first time we've bunked together.  It'll be like when we were kids.  Relax.  Enjoy the view.
-She was staying at the Grand downtown ...	It was April.  April seventeenth. That one I remember.
-It was April.  April seventeenth. That one I remember.	We were playing the lounge one night and she came in.
-We were playing the lounge one night and she came in.	Pearls.  White gown.  Beautiful.
-Pearls.  White gown.  Beautiful.	Frank asked if she'd sit in for a song, she said yes, and we did a few bars.
-Frank asked if she'd sit in for a song, she said yes, and we did a few bars.	A few bars!
-He's drunk.	Not true.  Besides, Jack's the romantic.
-Have some more wine, Frank.	Good idea.  To Peggy Lee.
-I'm putting my stuff on the right, okay?	Okay.
-Okay.	I figure that way we won't get confused.
-I figure that way we won't get confused.	Right.
-Right.	Unless you want the right.
-Unless you want the right.	No, you take the right.
-No, you take the right.	We might as well do the towels the same way.
-We might as well do the towels the same way.	Okay.
-Okay.	I just figure things'll go smoother, you know, if we have it all worked out from the beginning.
-I just figure things'll go smoother, you know, if we have it all worked out from the beginning.	Good idea.
-Good idea.	But if it doesn't work out, let me know.  I'm,flexible.
-But if it doesn't work out, let me know.  I'm,flexible.	Right.
-You leaving that on?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	All night?
-All night?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	We're gonna be here a week?
-We're gonna be here a week?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	So you're gonna leave it on. Every night.  For a week.
-So you're gonna leave it on. Every night.  For a week.	Yeah.  You mind?
-Yeah.  You mind?	Why would I mind?
-Why would I mind?	I don't know.  I mean, I always did it as a kid. I figured it was no big deal.  Is it?  A big deal?
-Accommodate?  I don't think I know what you mean.	I think what Mr. Daniels is trying to say, Jack, is --
-I think what Mr. Daniels is trying to say, Jack, is --	Why don't we let Mr. Daniels tell us what he's trying to say.
-Jack ... Jack ... You're acting like a kid.	No, that's your problem, Frank.  You get around one of these assholes and you turn into a fucking three-year-old.
-No, that's your problem, Frank.  You get around one of these assholes and you turn into a fucking three-year-old.	What's the matter with you?  So the piano's a little out of tune.  So what?
-What's the matter with you?  So the piano's a little out of tune.  So what?	Christ, can't you hear it?
-Christ, can't you hear it?	No! I never hear it!  Maybe.  Sometimes.  I don't know. But I won't let it bother me.
-No! I never hear it!  Maybe.  Sometimes.  I don't know. But I won't let it bother me.	Doesn't it matter to you?
-Doesn't it matter to you?	What matters to me is we've got the six easiest nights we've had in ten years. So 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon' sounds a little flat. So what?  Nobody's gonna hear it, Jack.  Nobody. So why should you care?
-What matters to me is we've got the six easiest nights we've had in ten years. So 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon' sounds a little flat. So what?  Nobody's gonna hear it, Jack.  Nobody. So why should you care?	Because I can hear it.
-Because I can hear it.	Well, then stuff cotton in your ears, because come six o'clock we're gonna walk into that dining room with smiles on. Understand, little brother?
-Thank you, thank you.  You know, Susie and Jack and I only just arrived here yesterday, but already the people here at the King Corporation's Moorish Manor have made us feel, well, a part of the family. And it's their hope that, before you leave, everyone of you will feel a part of that family also.  So, if during-the next few days, we should happen to pass one another in the hallway or in the lobby or wherever ... don't be a stranger. Stop.  Say hello.  Introduce yourself.  Because here, there are no strangers, only friends. And family.  Right, Jack?	Right.  I love you, Frank.
-Right.  I love you, Frank.	What?
-What?	I love you.  I just wanted to say it.
-What's the matter with you?	I'm sorry, Frank.  All that talk about family. I just got emotional.
-I'm sorry, Frank.  All that talk about family. I just got emotional.	How dare you say you love me.
-How dare you say you love me.	It won't happen again.  Scout's honor.
-What the hell are you doing?	What's it look like I'm doing? I'm tuning a goddamn piano.
-What's it look like I'm doing? I'm tuning a goddamn piano.	Really.
-Really.	Yes, really.  I don't want you to be unhappy, Jack.  If you say it's out of tune, it's out of tune.
-How's it coming?	Fine.
-Fine.	How long you been at it?
-How long you been at it?	Half-hour.  Once I finish this octave I'm gonna get breakfast.  You see what's on the buffet?
-Half-hour.  Once I finish this octave I'm gonna get breakfast.  You see what's on the buffet?	They stopped serving two hours ago.
-They stopped serving two hours ago.	Two hours ago!
-Two hours ago!	Time flies, huh?
-You haven't seen Susie, have you?	No. Why?
-No. Why?	Just wonder what she's up to. I never see her.  Makes me nervous.
-Just wonder what she's up to. I never see her.  Makes me nervous.	She's a big girl.
-She's a big girl.	Yeah, well, she's our girl now.  I think we better keep an eye on her.  There's trouble there.  Hey, listen to this.  Ethel and Bert Lane. Married seventy-five years.  You believe that?
-Yeah, well, she's our girl now.  I think we better keep an eye on her.  There's trouble there.  Hey, listen to this.  Ethel and Bert Lane. Married seventy-five years.  You believe that?	What the hell are these?
-What the hell are these?	Dedications.  I came up with the idea on the road. See, every morning the maids drop one of these cards in each room.  The guest fills out the card, leaves it at the front desk, and that night we play it.  Daniels went crazy for the idea.  And that's not all.  Last night, after the nine o'clock, he corners me, right, and starts asking about our availability.  Like he wants to line something up. I think he's got a hard-on for Susie.
-Funny, huh?	What?
-What?	Thinking there's someone who looks like you, walking around the street somewhere.  Wonder if I saw him I'd think it was you?
-What're you trying to do?  Wake up the whole goddamn hotel?	We were just having a little discussion about morality.
-You saw wrong.	Huh?
-Huh?	He's with the hotel.  I called him.
-He's with the hotel.  I called him.	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	We had a leak in the bathroom. He fixed it.
-We had a leak in the bathroom. He fixed it.	He was wearing a suit.
-He was wearing a suit.	He had to come quickly.  It was a big leak.
-He had to come quickly.  It was a big leak.	How come I didn't hear anything?
-How come I didn't hear anything?	You're a heavy sleeper, Frank. You've always-been a heavy sleeper.  Unlike me.
-What're you doing down here?	Celebrating.  Join me?
-Celebrating.  Join me?	The party's over.
-The party's over.	No, you're wrong.  It's just beginning. Come on, have a drink. Show your big brother how it's done.
-Expensive hangover.	A gift.  Courtesy of our courteous hotel manager, Mr. Daniels.  We, dear brother, are a fucking smash.  Yup.  They want us back.  Easter.  It seems they have this egg hunt every year.  Only not for kids. Adults.  They stuff these plastic eggs with Timexes and little certificates for free Mai Tais and everyone has a grand time crawling around on the front lawn.  Then afterwards, they have a dance.  An egg dance.  Everyone comes dressed in a different colored shell and at the end of the evening they crack themselves open.  It's our job to separate the yolks from the whites. Slippery business.
-The Royal.	Right.  The Royal.  When's the last time we were there?
-Right.  The Royal.  When's the last time we were there?	Couple years.
-Couple years.	February?
-February?	April.
-April.	Right.  It's incredible how you do that.  Remember things.
-Right.  It's incredible how you do that.  Remember things.	A useless talent.
-A useless talent.	Drove me crazy when we were kids. The way you never looked at the music. Miss Simpson would just play it and ...
-They were simple songs.	Not for me.  I still have to look at the music sometimes, you know that?  Otherwise, I forget. I just forget.  But you.  You never forget. Ever.  So how come you couldn't remember Ma's birthday?
-Not for me.  I still have to look at the music sometimes, you know that?  Otherwise, I forget. I just forget.  But you.  You never forget. Ever.  So how come you couldn't remember Ma's birthday?	I told you.  It's a useless talent.
-God, the old man would've loved this view, wouldn't he?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	I always think of him on New Year's. How he used to pour us each half a can of beer. Remember?
-I always think of him on New Year's. How he used to pour us each half a can of beer. Remember?	You always threw up.
-You always threw up.	Yeah, and you drank yours like it was orange juice. He loved that about you.
-Yeah, and you drank yours like it was orange juice. He loved that about you.	He was just having fun.
-He was just having fun.	It was like you'd passed some test, you know?
-It was like you'd passed some test, you know?	It was just a can of beer, Frank.
-It was just a can of beer, Frank.	Yeah, but he told you things.  He never told me anything.  Even though I was the oldest. It was always you two, running off, doing things together.
-Yeah, but he told you things.  He never told me anything.  Even though I was the oldest. It was always you two, running off, doing things together.	You could've come.
-You could've come.	I could've.  But he didn't want me to.
-I could've.  But he didn't want me to.	You're making things up, Frank.
-You're making things up, Frank.	Maybe so.  You ever go back there?  Where it happened.
-That takes care of this week.  The tenth we got the Sheraton, the sixteenth we're at the Capri.	The tenth's out.
-The tenth's out.	What?
-What?	I can't make the tenth.
-I can't make the tenth.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	I mean maybe you should check with us before you go off and book us a month in advance.
-I mean maybe you should check with us before you go off and book us a month in advance.	Be reasonable, Jack.
-Be reasonable, Jack.	I play two hundred nights a year with you, Frank. How much more reasonable you expect me to be?
-What're you doing?	Just until we find another girl.
-Just until we find another girl.	Cancel, Frank.
-Cancel, Frank.	You want to know how much I got tied up in deposits with Willie?  We're in for three weeks solid, Jack.
-You want to know how much I got tied up in deposits with Willie?  We're in for three weeks solid, Jack.	Better give her pneumonia.
-You know, my brother and I have been playing together, gosh, I don't know.  Jack?	Twenty-eight years.
-We're not getting paid then.	No.
-No.	Nothing. We get nothing.
-Nothing. We get nothing.	I told you, Jack.  It's a telethon. No one gets a cent.
-I told you, Jack.  It's a telethon. No one gets a cent.	What's it for?
-What's it for?	I don't know. Some disease.
-I don't know. Some disease.	What disease?
-What disease?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	You don't know?
-You don't know?	It's a disease, Jack.  We're against it. It's not a moral decision.
-It's a disease, Jack.  We're against it. It's not a moral decision.	What channels it on?
-What channels it on?	Seventy-one
-Seventy-one	Seventy-one?  What's seventy-one?
-Seventy-one?  What's seventy-one?	A channel. It's just a little further down the dial, that's all. Look, it's publicity.  Publicity's publicity.  Right?
-We're on after Meadowlark.  What's wrong?	Are you kidding me?  Are you fucking kidding me?
-Are you kidding me?  Are you fucking kidding me?	What?
-What?	We're playing for a goddamn gymnasium!
-We're playing for a goddamn gymnasium!	What?
-Jack, you're on television.	Shut up, Frank.
-What-are you?  A fucking moron? It's three o'clock in the morning, Frank.  Who's watching?  Your wife? Maybe you can get us a gig playing Little Frank's birthday party. What do you think?	Look.  I didn't know when we were going to be on until yesterday.  What was I supposed to do? I had the pianos anyway.
-Look.  I didn't know when we were going to be on until yesterday.  What was I supposed to do? I had the pianos anyway.	Basketballs, Frank.  You had us playing for basketballs.
-Basketballs, Frank.  You had us playing for basketballs.	I'm sorry.  I should've checked it out.  I screwed up.  But that doesn't mean you walk out in the middle of a gig.
-I'm sorry.  I should've checked it out.  I screwed up.  But that doesn't mean you walk out in the middle of a gig.	What?
-What?	It wasn't professional, Jack.  It was a stunt. A stupid-ass stunt.
-What's happening to you, Frank?  You been kissing ass so long you're starting to like it?  You let that guy turn us into clowns tonight.  We were always small time, but we were never clowns, Frank. What's happened to your dignity?	Dignity?  Who the hell are you to talk about dignity?
-Stay off it.	No, let's stay on it.  I'm sick and tired of watching you make him up into some kinda god. For Christ sake, Jack, he died doing a stupid bullshit jig.  He left a wife and two sons.  He wasn't a hero.  He was a fool.
-No, let's stay on it.  I'm sick and tired of watching you make him up into some kinda god. For Christ sake, Jack, he died doing a stupid bullshit jig.  He left a wife and two sons.  He wasn't a hero.  He was a fool.	You weren't there.
-You weren't there.	That's right.  I wasn't there.  I don't have the luxury of being a witness to tragedy.
-That's right.  I wasn't there.  I don't have the luxury of being a witness to tragedy.	Fuck you.
-Fuck you.	No, fuck you.  And fuck him too. Fuck the both-of you.
-Jack!	Who's weak now, big brother?
-I didn't hear you come in.	What're you doing?
-What're you doing?	Oh ... I was just hoping for something to drink.  But it seems the old lady was dry. Not even a bottle of cooking sherry.
-Uh, we already boxed some things.  I figured you'd want to go through Dad's stuff.  It's in there. If you want to get started.	Later.
-Is everything done?  The arrangements, I mean.	Oh. Yeah.  It was all worked out before, you know. She and Dad had taken care of it.
-Oh. Yeah.  It was all worked out before, you know. She and Dad had taken care of it.	Right.
-Right.	I set it for Wednesday.  The ceremony.  They're doing the stone today.  It's okay?  Wednesday?
-I set it for Wednesday.  The ceremony.  They're doing the stone today.  It's okay?  Wednesday?	Yeah, fine.
-Yeah, fine.	There's not going to be a viewing. I figured with the kids and all ...
-There's not going to be a viewing. I figured with the kids and all ...	Sure.
-Go ahead.	No.
-No.	Bought it on the way over.  Clean as a nun.
-Bought it on the way over.  Clean as a nun.	No, it's not that.  I ... can't drink from the bottle.  I ... gag.
-No, it's not that.  I ... can't drink from the bottle.  I ... gag.	Oh, yeah, right.  I forgot.
-Hey, what do you know.  Looks like we can have that drink after all.  What's your pleasure?  We got the downtown Ramada. We got the Travelodge on Route 41. And ... the Mallory.	I'll take the Mallory.
-I'll take the Mallory.	Good choice.
-Looks like these got a few years on them.	This'll kill 'em.
-How're your hands?	Oh. Fine.  It was nothing.  Couple sore knuckles.  Nothing.
-Oh. Fine.  It was nothing.  Couple sore knuckles.  Nothing.	You know, that night, I ... It just all came up.
-You know, that night, I ... It just all came up.	Yeah, I know.  Me, too.
-Yeah, I know.  Me, too.	I mean, you can play.  You're okay.
-I mean, you can play.  You're okay.	I can keep the beat.
-Charlie called.	Yeah?
-Yeah?	Yeah.  Larry Shelton.  Blackie.  Couple others. Donna said even Lloyd called the other day. Nothing like a little absence to make the heart grow fonder, huh?
-Yeah.  Larry Shelton.  Blackie.  Couple others. Donna said even Lloyd called the other day. Nothing like a little absence to make the heart grow fonder, huh?	Yeah.
-Jesus, when was the last time we played the Mallory?	Five years ago.  November.
-Five years ago.  November.	Right.  It was someone's birthday. Halloran?
-Right.  It was someone's birthday. Halloran?	Daughter's.  Sweet sixteen.
-Daughter's.  Sweet sixteen.	Christ, that's right.  How could I forget.  What a nightmare.
-Christ, that's right.  How could I forget.  What a nightmare.	She asked for it.
-She asked for it.	I told Halloran we didn't do vocals, but he said:
-You should've told us you were coming, Ma. We would've come and got you.	Spur of the moment.
-Spur of the moment.	So what'd you think?
-So what'd you think?	Thrilling.  Both of you.
-Thrilling.  Both of you.	The audience was a little off tonight.
-The audience was a little off tonight.	A few empty tables.  It's cozier. Besides, Mel Torme couldn't fill this place on a Wednesday night.
-A few empty tables.  It's cozier. Besides, Mel Torme couldn't fill this place on a Wednesday night.	I guess you're,right.  Well, what do you say we get a little midnight snack? Theo's should still be open.
-I guess you're,right.  Well, what do you say we get a little midnight snack? Theo's should still be open.	No, no.  You boys are tired.
-No, no.  You boys are tired.	No, we're not.  Jack?
-You sure?	Just call me a cab.
-Just call me a cab.	A cab?  Ma, come on.  My car's just a half block down.  You wait here.
-A cab?  Ma, come on.  My car's just a half block down.  You wait here.	All right.
-Your limo's ready, Ma.	All right.
-Sick?  How sick?	The flu.
-The flu.	So she's got a few sniffles.
-So she's got a few sniffles.	Doctor's orders.
-You got no right springing this on me, Frankie. It's unethical.	Look, Nick.  You want us to pack up, we'll pack up.
-Look, Nick.  You want us to pack up, we'll pack up.	What am I gonna do?  Put a record player out there?  Bad, Frankie.  Bad.
-Actually, that's my stage name.	I'm sorry?
-I'm sorry?	Moran.  Monica.  The whole thing. It's my stage name.  My real name's Blanche.
-Moran.  Monica.  The whole thing. It's my stage name.  My real name's Blanche.	Blanche.
-Blanche.	No romance, right?  That's why I came up with Monica. It's what I prefer.
-No romance, right?  That's why I came up with Monica. It's what I prefer.	Well, that's fine --
-Well, that's fine --	But if you call my house and my mother answers, ask for Blanche.  If you ask for Monica, she'll think you have the wrong number and hang up.
-But if you call my house and my mother answers, ask for Blanche.  If you ask for Monica, she'll think you have the wrong number and hang up.	Right.
-Right.	And if she asks what it's about, don't tell her. She's opposed to my career.
-And if she asks what it's about, don't tell her. She's opposed to my career.	Uh-huh.  Well, Miss Moran, what is it you'd like to do for us?
-Uh-huh.  Well, Miss Moran, what is it you'd like to do for us?	Candy Man.'  Is that all right?
-Candy Man.'  Is that all right?	It's one of Jack's favorites.
-Uh... he knows it.	Really?  Isn't that a coincidence.
-Oh, sorry.  I get so caught up in it sometimes.  It's scary.	Yes, it is.
-Yes, it is.	Well ... thanks.  Bye.
-This where the auditions are?	This is where the auditions were.
-This is where the auditions were.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	We're finished.
-We're finished.	What about me?
-You're an hour and a half late.	My watch is broken, too.
-My watch is broken, too.	Punctuality.  First rule of show business.
-This is show business?	Look, miss.  We're tired, you have gum on your lip, and we're going home.
-Look, miss.  We're tired, you have gum on your lip, and we're going home.	Just like that, huh?  You're not even gonna give me a chance?
-Just like that, huh?  You're not even gonna give me a chance?	Don't take it personally.
-Don't take it personally.	How should I take it?
-How should I take it?	Impersonally.
-I don't believe it.  I come all the way down down here, break a heel, and you're not gonna give me a chance because I have gum on my lip and I'm a few minutes late.	You're an hour and a half late.
-You're an hour and a half late.	So if I'm so 'late how come you're still here?
-So if I'm so 'late how come you're still here?	We ran long.
-We ran long.	So run a little longer.
-So run a little longer.	Miss --
-Miss --	You find a girl?
-Terrific.  Thirty-eight.	What's that mean?  Thirty-eight.
-Susie.  Susie Diamond.	Catchy.  You have any previous entertainment experience, Miss Diamond?
-I'm sorry to interrupt, but when I saw you sitting here, I just had to come over.  Florence Simmons.	Uh ... Frank Baker.  This is my brother.
-Hey, it's legit.  Strictly dinner and dance.	Okay.  I think that's all we need to know.
-Okay.  I think that's all we need to know.	I sing now?
-I sing now?	That's the premise.
-So?	Uh ... we'll let you know.
-When?	When we know.
-When we know.	Don't leave a girl hanging. Second rule of show business.
-Ready?	What are we, an orchestra all of a sudden?
-What's the problem?	The problem is I can't hear myself sing with all this...  ... music.  You know what I'm saying?
-I mean, you're supposed to be backing me up, right?	No. We are not supposed to be backing you up.
-No. We are not supposed to be backing you up.	What I mean is --
-What I mean is --	We're a team.  We work together.
-We're a team.  We work together.	So work with me, not against me. Okay?
-Christ, look at her. You'd think if she was gonna wear her street clothes she'd have enough sense to come in the back.  Good evening, Miss Diamond.  You're late.	Where's my name?
-Where's my name?	What-?
-What-?	And how come you guys are the only ones with your pictures on the poster?
-And how come you guys are the only ones with your pictures on the poster?	We'll talk about it later.  Right now, you gotta get changed.
-We'll talk about it later.  Right now, you gotta get changed.	Changed?
-Changed?	Where's your dress?
-Where's your dress?	What's he talking about?
-What's he talking about?	Is there a language problem here?  Your dress. For tonight.  Where is it?
-Is there a language problem here?  Your dress. For tonight.  Where is it?	Do I look like I'm naked?
-Do I look like I'm naked?	That!  You can't wear that!
-That!  You can't wear that!	What's wrong with it?
-What's wrong with it?	It's orange!
-It's orange!	Am I missing something?
-Come on.	Hey!
-Hey!	Come on.  We don't have much time.
-Come on.  We don't have much time.	Time for what?
-If you ask me, this is pretty stupid.	Just look.  What do you wear? A nine?
-Just look.  What do you wear? A nine?	A seven.
-A seven.	My wife wears a seven.  You don't look like a seven to me.
-My wife wears a seven.  You don't look like a seven to me.	I wear a seven.
-I wear a seven.	Okay, okay.  Here, how about this?
-Okay, okay.  Here, how about this?	Save it for your wife.
-Save it for your wife.	We're not exactly silly with time, you know.  Jack, you find anything?
-Hey, pal.  I don't know about you, but where I come from there's a little girl's room and a little boy's room and the little boys don't go where the little girls go.	All right, but make it quick.  Shoes!  What size do you wear?
-All right, but make it quick.  Shoes!  What size do you wear?	Nine.
-Nine.	Nine?
-Nine?	Nine!
-Nine!	Big feet.
-What do you think?	Uh... good.
-Uh... good.	Zip me up?
-Shoes?	Right.
-They're tight.	They're nines.
-They're nines.	Well, they're aspiring to be sevens.
-Well, they're aspiring to be sevens.	You can buy new ones tomorrow.
-You can buy new ones tomorrow.	Oh, thanks.
-Oh, thanks.	Don't worry.  We'll take it out of your share.
-Don't worry.  We'll take it out of your share.	You're a prince.
-We need scissors over here! Who's got scissors?  Okay, remember.  Jack and I go on first, I do the set-up, then introduce you. And you say ...	Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be here. It's like a dream come true. And speaking of dreams ...
-Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be here. It's like a dream come true. And speaking of dreams ...	Right.
-Right.	Piece of cake.
-The switch.  Hit the switch.	Switch?  What fucking switch?
-Fucking.  She says fucking in front of an entire room of people.	I said I was sorry.
-I said I was sorry.	Did you hear it?
-Fucking.	For Christ sake, I said it, I didn't do it.  Besides, I don't think they were too offended, do you?
-For Christ sake, I said it, I didn't do it.  Besides, I don't think they were too offended, do you?	Give me that.
-Give me that.	Hey!
-Hey!	We are not a saloon act.  We do not take tips from dirty old men.
-We are not a saloon act.  We do not take tips from dirty old men.	I was gonna split it with you guys.
-I was gonna split it with you guys.	We do not take tips.  I'll apply this to the cost of the dress.
-Jack, you with us?	The Carlton's a dump.  No cover.  No minimum. And they water their drinks. It's strictly for the Fuller brush crowd.
-I guess it's,the Plaza then. That brings us to the twenty-seventh. We got the Avedon for three or the Park downtown for two.	We take the Avedon, right?  Simple.
-By the way, I got a messsage yesterday from some guy looking for New Year's action.  Resort, upstate.	Hey.
-Maybe it's legit.	Maybe.  I'll call him.
-Uh, well ... we flipped a coin.	So find a dime.  Let's get out of here.
-Well, well.  Ho, ho, ho.  You moonlighting at Macy's, Frank?	For the kids.  Merry Christmas, you two.  Don't forget.  We leave the twenty-sixth.
-You two could play checkers.	Maybe we should just listen to the radio.
-Maybe we should just listen to the radio.	Sorry.  It only plays static.
-You play all these places?	Baker's unabridged.
-Baker's unabridged.	Jesus, you fellas've made a lot of noise.  What's with the stars?
-Jesus, you fellas've made a lot of noise.  What's with the stars?	Virgins.
-Virgins.	Virgins?
-Virgins?	First times. Hey, look at this.
-He's right.	He's always right.  Go ahead.  Pick a virgin.
-Go ahead.	Okay.The Fantasy Inn.
-Okay.The Fantasy Inn.	Jack?
-I don't believe it.	I told you, he's got the gift.  Same with music. Hears it once and he's got it.
-And how about this air? I'm telling you, a few days in this place'll put five years on your life.	Smells like fish.
-Smells like fish.	Of course it smells like fish. We're on the ocean. What'd you expect, Chanel number five?
-Of course it smells like fish. We're on the ocean. What'd you expect, Chanel number five?	Smells like tuna number two to me.
-Smells like tuna number two to me.	It's paradise.  That's what it is. Paradise.
-Hey, we're connected.	Great.
-Great.	Great?
-Great?	Yeah.
-You're kidding me.	As Charlie Steinway is my witness.
-As Charlie Steinway is my witness.	Peggy Lee?
-Peggy Lee?	Tell her.
-What'd she sing?	People.' You think Streisand, right? Hot that night.  Chills. Through the whole audience.  I could hardly play.
-People.' You think Streisand, right? Hot that night.  Chills. Through the whole audience.  I could hardly play.	Wow. You ever see her again?
-Wow. You ever see her again?	No. We got a picture, though. One of the waitresses had a camera.  God, we were just kids.  That was something, wasn't it?
-Hey, will you look at that?	They must've bought the same map we did.
-They must've bought the same map we did.	What do you say we send a bottle over?
-What do you say we send a bottle over?	I don't believe it.  You're a romantic, Frank.
-Oh yeah?	He's just afraid to show it. Aren't you, little brother?
-What's with you two?	Jack woke up on the wrong side of the bottle.
-Uh, well, I love you, too, Jack.  So. Susie.  How 'bout it.	Huh?
-Huh?	Got another song for us?
-Got another song for us?	Oh. Yeah.  I gotta bunch of them.
-Oh. Yeah.  I gotta bunch of them.	Well then ... shall we?
-What's with you guys?	Someone needs to grow up.  I won't take it, Jack.
-Forget your tie, handsome ... Frank!	You want to tell me what the hell's going on?
-You want to tell me what the hell's going on?	Huh?
-Huh?	I just saw a man walk out of your room.
-I just saw a man walk out of your room.	Uh ...
-Uh ...	In case you've forgotten, we're being paid to be here.  So it might be nice if you conducted yourself with a certain amount of decency.
-In case you've forgotten, we're being paid to be here.  So it might be nice if you conducted yourself with a certain amount of decency.	Decency?  Hey listen, pal ...
-Decency?  Hey listen, pal ...	No. You listen.  I had my doubts about you from the beginning
-Some discussion.	I just saw a man walk out of your room!
-I guess I ... If I jumped to...	Forget it.
-How about you?  Got a Bar Mitzvah this weekend?	Huh?
-Huh?	Forget it.
-I can't sing it anymore.	What?
-What?	That song.  I can't sing it anymore. I'm gonna get sick.
-That song.  I can't sing it anymore. I'm gonna get sick.	What're you talking about?  They love it.
-What're you talking about?  They love it.	I'm gonna throw up, Frank.  I mean it. Let's drop it for the ten o'clock, okay?
-I'm gonna throw up, Frank.  I mean it. Let's drop it for the ten o'clock, okay?	Susie.  It's one more show.  One more time.  That's all.
-Susie.  It's one more show.  One more time.  That's all.	And two more times tomorrow night, and two more times the next night, and the next night and the next night and the next night.  Frank, I can't sing that fucking song anymore!
-Good morning, gentlemen.  I'm Mr. Daniels, the manager.  I believe I've spoken to one of you on the phone.	That'd be me, sir.  Frank Baker. This is my brother Jack.
-Tom here tells me there's a problem with the pianos.  We were assured they were in tune.	Yes, well, they are.
-Yes, well, they are.	Then I'm afraid I don't understand.
-Then I'm afraid I don't understand.	They are in tune.  But not with each other.
-They are in tune.  But not with each other.	Is that important?
-Is that important?	Uh, well ...
-Terrific, boys.  Really.  Terrific.	Thanks, Lloyd.
-Thanks, Lloyd.	Yes, sir.  You're just what we needed on a night like this.
-Yes, sir.  You're just what we needed on a night like this.	Uh ... thanks.
-Uh ... You don't know when you'll be wanting us back, do you, Lloyd?	I'll call you.
-I'll call you.	Uh, well, you know, the way our schedule is, I thought maybe...
-Uh, well, you know, the way our schedule is, I thought maybe...	I'll call you.
-Yes, sir.  That's quite a girl you boys latched onto.  She a local?	Born and bred.
-Born and bred.	Lucky for you.  Well, there you go, guys. Don't spend it all in one place. Oh ... you want to count it, Jack?
-Lucky for you.  Well, there you go, guys. Don't spend it all in one place. Oh ... you want to count it, Jack?	We trust you, Lloyd.  You know that.
-Whatcha doin' over there?	Gotta go.
-Gotta go.	How come?
-How come?	Job.
-Funny hours.	Funny job.
-Funny job.	Will I see you again?
-Brought it.	Shit, thank God.  You look like a creep.
-Shit, thank God.  You look like a creep.	Thanks.
-Thanks.	I mean, I'd hate to think I'd pick up someone who wore that shit.
-No.	So. I'm here, you're here, the piano's here.  What d'ya say?
-Don't worry about it.	You know, I'm feeling a lot of hostility from you.
-Barker.  Jock Barker?	Baker.  Jack Baker.
-Baker.  Jack Baker.	Right.  Bring him back.
-Right.  Bring him back.	Come on, Ed.
-You should've brought a leash, Mr. Barker. The doctor doesn't like to be bitten.	He doesn't bite.
-He doesn't bite.	They never do, Mr. Barker.
-They never do, Mr. Barker.	Baker.
-Baker.	Right.  In there.
-No, I, uh, left a dog here this morning. He needed some work on his mouth.	Regular hours are eight to five.
-Regular hours are eight to five.	Yeah, yeah, I know.  I was just passing by. Thought I'd check in on him.
-Yeah, yeah, I know.  I was just passing by. Thought I'd check in on him.	You can check in on him tomorrow. Between eight and five.
-You can check in on him tomorrow. Between eight and five.	Yeah, well, couldn't I take a look now?
-You want to know if he's okay. Right?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	All right.  Hold on.
-All right.  Hold on.	The name's Baker --
-The name's Baker --	Save it.  What's he look like?
-Save it.  What's he look like?	Black.  Labrador.
-Black.  Labrador.	All right. they lay the dead ones out in the cold room.  I'll take a look.
-Well, now, where's everyone run off to? Frank?	Downstairs.
-No.	I'm tired.  Really.  I should get home.
-It went well tonight.	Frank works hard.
-Frank works hard.	And you don't?
-And you don't?	He leads, I follow.
-He leads, I follow.	Is that the way it is?
-Is that the way it is?	Pretty much.
-Pretty much.	He mentioned you had a girl for a while.  A singer.
-He mentioned you had a girl for a while.  A singer.	For a while.  She left.
-For a while.  She left.	Yes, well, it's probably best. No sense bringing someone else in.
-Yes, well, it's probably best. No sense bringing someone else in.	I suppose.
-You miss him, don't you?	It's been a long time, Ma.
-It's been a long time, Ma.	Yes.  I supposed you still have that old phone booth.
-Hey, he's not sore, is he?	He'll come around.
-You never sang before?	Not for money. With my mother.
-Fucking.	Look, they were all on their third Mai Tais by the time I got out there anyway.
-The Park?  It's only two nights. Why throw away a night?	Because Blackie Carson books the Park and whenever we've needed a gig he's come through.
-Because Blackie Carson books the Park and whenever we've needed a gig he's come through.	Oh.  Well, for Blackie then.
-Where's egghead?	His kid's sick.
-His kid's sick.	I don't know.  It's hard figuring you two as brothers.  Seems like the hospital might've scrambled the babies somewhere.
-He takes after our mother.	Yeah,well, a11 I know is mother nature must be one crazy dame.  Shit.
-Uh-uh.  I never touch American cigarettes.  What's tomorrow again?	The Stratford.
-The Stratford.	Nice place.  Fulla velvet.  Even the bedspreads.  Damn!  Two-fifty a pack and I go through 'em like toothpicks. Twelve-and-a-half cents a piece, you believe that?
-Nice place.  Fulla velvet.  Even the bedspreads.  Damn!  Two-fifty a pack and I go through 'em like toothpicks. Twelve-and-a-half cents a piece, you believe that?	Huh?
-Huh?	Paris Opals.  Twelve-and-a-half cents.  I sat down with a pencil and added it one day.  But I figure, if you're gonna be sticking something in your mouth, you might as well make it the best.  Ah, here's a lost soul.
-Mmm.  Like kissing a rose.  Well, au revoir.	Hey.  You feel like a cup of coffee?
-Hey.  You feel like a cup of coffee?	You kidding?  We must've killed three pots in there.  Anyway, I gotta get home.  Rest the pipes.
-You kidding?  We must've killed three pots in there.  Anyway, I gotta get home.  Rest the pipes.	You want me to walk you?
-No. Thanks. She starts to move away, then stops and looks back.	Hey, listen.  You're not going soft on me, are you? I mean, you're not gonna start dreaming about me and waking up all sweaty and looking at me like I'm some kinda princess when I burp.
-Hey, listen.  You're not going soft on me, are you? I mean, you're not gonna start dreaming about me and waking up all sweaty and looking at me like I'm some kinda princess when I burp.	Forget it.
-Forget it.	I mean, that'd be too creepy. With us working together and all.
-I mean, that'd be too creepy. With us working together and all.	Forget it.
-Forget it.	Nothing personal --
-He do that every year?	Every year.
-Every year.	Aren't the kids asleep?
-Aren't the kids asleep?	Every year.
-Every year.	So why's he do it?
-So why's he do it?	I guess in case one year they're not.
-Oh, sorry.  With the light always on, it's hard to tell.	It's okay.  Last one.
-It's okay.  Last one.	Can't sleep?
-Can't sleep?	In and out.
-In and out.	It's the waves.  God's music, my mother used to say. She was crazy for the ocean.
-It's the waves.  God's music, my mother used to say. She was crazy for the ocean.	Yeah, well, I wish God would go a little easy on the trumpets.
-Yeah, well, I wish God would go a little easy on the trumpets.	How's egghead?
-How's egghead?	Like a baby. You?
-Like a baby. You?	In and out.
-If you want, I got a pack in the room.	No thanks.  I never touch French cigarettes.
-Yeah, well, thanks for sticking your head in.	Hey, business is business.
-It wasn't business.  It was pleasure.	Just dinner and dance, right?
-Relax.  We'll drop the song.	Guess I got a little scattered.
-Guess I got a little scattered.	It's a shitty  song.
-How do you do it? Every night?	Practice.  There are worse songs, you know. Not many, but a few.
-I can keep the beat.	Better than that.
-What's the matter?	Nothing.
-Nothing.	What'd I say?
-What'd I say?	Nothing.
-Nothing.	You're upset.
-You're upset.	I'm not upset.
-I'm not upset.	All I said was you were good.
-All I said was you were good.	Look. You don't know good. All right?
-Look. You don't know good. All right?	What's that supposed to mean?
-What's that supposed to mean?	It means you wouldn't know good if it came up and fucked you.
-It means you wouldn't know good if it came up and fucked you.	You were good.
-You were good.	Let's make a deal.  You shut up.
-Let's make a deal.  You shut up.	You were good.
-You were good.	How do you know?
-How do you know?	Because I saw the other people! And they knew you were good! You were good, goddamnit!
-Nina?	Who's Nina?
-Who's Nina?	Friend.
-Friend.	Friend?  What's she look like? Maybe I can help you find her.
-Friend?  What's she look like? Maybe I can help you find her.	She's four feet tall.  Ed?
-She's four feet tall.  Ed?	Ed? How many people live here?
-I have to make him some chili. Okay?	Sure.
-Like diamonds, huh?  I never get over it. When I was a little girl, my mama'd stand me before the window and tell me to close my eyes and make a wish.Like I could reach out and grab all the lights of the city and string them into-a necklace for myself.  She'd take my hand and when she closed her eyes, I don't know, it was like she really believed it.	How come you didn't close your eyes?
-You know, I saw you guys once. You and Frank.  At the Roosevelt.	Must've been a cheap date.
-Must've been a cheap date.	Soap convention.
-Soap convention.	Soap?
-Soap?	Yeah, they got a convention for everything. At least he was clean.  Boy, the guys I met when I was with the service, you wouldn't believe.  The older ones, they were okay.  Nice.  Polite.  Pulled the chair out for you.  But the younger ones ...  Mama used to say, dance with a man once, but if you can feel calluses on his fingers, don't dance with him again.  She thought she had it all figured out. But she wasn't so smart.  There are killers with palms like a baby.
-History.	Huh?
-Huh?	My father proposed to my mother in there.
-My father proposed to my mother in there.	No kidding?
-The both of them?  In there?	He called her.
-He called her.	Oh. So what's it doing here?
-Oh. So what's it doing here?	Long story.
-Long story.	You sending me home?
-They'd been out dancing all night and he took her to the train station -- she lived over in Brookhaven.  Usually held ride with her, but this time he didn't.  Anyway, he starts walking home, only as he's walking he starts getting nervous.	Nervous?
-Nervous?	By the time he gets to the corner newstand, he's got her meeting some rich guy on the train, the rich guy's asked her to marry him, and he's reading about it in the morning edition.
-By the time he gets to the corner newstand, he's got her meeting some rich guy on the train, the rich guy's asked her to marry him, and he's reading about it in the morning edition.	You're kidding.
-You're kidding.	He had a mind that escalated things.
-He had a mind that escalated things.	So, what happened?
-So, what happened?	He calls her, asks her to marry him, she thinks he's crazy, he asks her again, she still thinks he's crazy but says yes anyway, and the next thing you know he's got his brothers down there and they're tearing the thing right off the curb.
-I don't know.  Maybe he thought some rich guy was gonna try and call her.	Wow.  But I still don't see how ...
-Wow.  But I still don't see how ...	Ma didn't want it around.  After.
-Ma didn't want it around.  After.	Oh.
-Frank said ---	Frank wasn't 'there.
-Oh. Hi.  Sorry.	Coffee?
-Coffee?	Yeah... No.
-Yeah... No.	Look, if you want to leave...
-Look, if you want to leave...	Yeah, maybe ... No. God, I hate these cigarettes!
-Shit.  I think I started a fire.	If our feet get hot, you grab the piano.
-You can always get another girl.	There's always another girl.
-Saw the sign outside.  Got your own sign, huh?	Yeah.  Got my own sign.
-Yeah.  Got my own sign.	So ... ?
-So ... ?	We outgrew each other.
-We outgrew each other.	Yeah, well, like I said, it didn't figure.  You two.
-Yeah, well, like I said, it didn't figure.  You two.	You don't pick your brother.
-You don't pick your brother.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	So how's the cat food business?
-So how's the cat food business?	Terrific.  I'm doing vegetables next week.
-What kind?	Huh?
-Huh?	Vegetables.
-Vegetables.	Oh. Carrots.  And peas.  None of the important ones.
-Listen... you want to get a drink?  I got a new place.  Or we could go to a bar ...  Well, maybe not a bar.  But I know a place uptown, if you want --	I've given it up.
-Tell egghead I said hi.  If you see him.	If I see him.
-Jack.	Hi.
-Hi.	Well, this is some surprise.  Hey ... You don't look so good, pal.
-Let me get the light.	No.
-Sneak out in the morning.  Before the guy could wake up and ruin it.  Never figured I'd be on the other end of it, though.	I didn't want to wake you.
-I didn't want to wake you.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Thanks.  For letting me in last night.
-Thanks.  For letting me in last night.	Funny how life repeats itself, huh?  Over and over. Like a song.
-Ah, you know. Howsa pooch?	Losing his teeth.
-Losing his teeth.	No shit. It's the goddamn water. Kill an ox. I buy bottled for my Danny. You can't trust the taps.
-No shit. It's the goddamn water. Kill an ox. I buy bottled for my Danny. You can't trust the taps.	Yeah.  Jesus, you look like fucking royalty, Tommy.
-Yeah.  The big boys sent it down yesterday.	Another five years, huh?
-Another five years, huh?	Like clockwork.  You got a good memory, Jackie.
-Like clockwork.  You got a good memory, Jackie.	It ain't always a blessing.  My brother here?
-It ain't always a blessing.  My brother here?	He's got blood in his eye.
-Did you break a cup, Jack?	Eddie did.
-Guess they're up.	Sounds big.  What's he do?
-Sounds big.  What's he do?	Process server. Ma said it's like a lawyer only the hours are more regular.  All I know's he came to take the TV one afternoon and ended up staying for dinner.  And breakfast.
-Process server. Ma said it's like a lawyer only the hours are more regular.  All I know's he came to take the TV one afternoon and ended up staying for dinner.  And breakfast.	What happened to the donut king?
-What happened to the donut king?	Married.
-In the old days, every man had a shaving mug that he kept at the barber shop.  Then, whenever he wanted a shave, held go down to the barber shop and there would be his mug, waiting for him.	Is that what you used to do?
-Is that what you used to do?	My days are not the old days, genius.
-My days are not the old days, genius.	What are they?
-What are they?	The recent past.
-The recent past.	Oh.  Bigfoot gets his out of a can.
-Oh.  Bigfoot gets his out of a can.	How do you know?
-How do you know?	I saw his stuff in the bathroom.
-I saw his stuff in the bathroom.	Oh?
-Oh?	I guess it's getting serious.
-I guess it's getting serious.	Maybe he'll ask your ma to marry him.
-Maybe he'll ask your ma to marry him.	I hope not.  He's already busted the springs in two chairs.  Hey, what's this?
-Ivory.	Looks old.
-Looks old.	Older than me.
-Older than me.	Wow.
-Hey, what do you want to do?  Grow a beard?	Why not?
-Why not?	Well, let's get your first prom under the belt, okay?
-Well, let's get your first prom under the belt, okay?	What's a prom?
-What's a prom?	Ever go to church?
-I tried Cheerios this morning. He didn't even get up. Maybe they took out the wrong teeth.	He's just feeling sorry for himself.  This is it, pal.  Hear me? Two bucks a can.
-How'd the show go?	Okay.  How'd yours go?
-Okay.  How'd yours go?	Not so good.
-From Hurley's?	Eighty proof. What d'ya say? Think you can handle it?
-Jack.	Yeah?
-Yeah?	Can I stay here tonight?  Even if she comes here?
-Merry Christmas, Jack.	Merry Christmas.
-There were more flowers last year.  Mr. Rinaldi down at the drugstore says it's going to snow by New Year's.  Says he can feel it in his elbows. I hope it snows.  I want to make a snowman. You ever make a snowman, Jack?	Sure.
-Sure.	That's what I want to do. I want to make a snowman.
-John.  It's good to see you.	Good to see you, Ma.
-So. How are you?	Fine.  You?
-Fine.  You?	Oh, fine.
-Big piece or little?	Huh? Oh, no.
-Huh? Oh, no.	None?
-None?	I'm not much for sweets.
-How's that dog of yours?  What was his name?	Eddie.
-Eddie.	Yes.  Right.  Eddie.  How is he?
-Yes.  Right.  Eddie.  How is he?	He's losing his teeth.
-Waxy Wright.  Didn't Jon Archer bust you for poisoning five members of the Canadian parliament?	They never should've voted against U.S. statehood -- the scumbags.  We heard you got wasted.
-Do I look wasted -- asshole?	You look great, Castor. Really.  Here -- I got a shot of your favorite -- Mescal.  Even has the worm.
-Don't they ever let us take these boots off?	"Not unless you're sent to the ""Clinic."""
-"Not unless you're sent to the ""Clinic."""	You mean if I get sick?
-You mean if I get sick?	They don't give two fucks about your health.  The Clinic's where they send the real hard-cases for attitude adjustment.  Look at O'Neill --
-What did he do?	He hit a guard.
-Fine work, Jon.	Yeah, real fine.  Especially all the casualties.
-Yeah, real fine.  Especially all the casualties.	"I'm complimenting you. Can't you ever just say ""thanks""?"
-"I'm complimenting you. Can't you ever just say ""thanks""?"	... Thanks.
-... Thanks.	Try to kiss my butt just once before I'm transferred.
-Try to kiss my butt just once before I'm transferred.	Sorry, Admiral.  It wasn't mentioned in the job description.
-He's lying.	Jon, he's hooked up to a full-spectrum polygraph. No one has ever beaten --
-Jon, he's hooked up to a full-spectrum polygraph. No one has ever beaten --	I don't care -- he's manipulating it.  That bomb has been built and it's out there, somewhere.
-I don't care -- he's manipulating it.  That bomb has been built and it's out there, somewhere.	What do you expect us to do -- shut down the city, evacuate two million people on a hunch?
-Uh-oh, somebody's in trouble.	Yeah -- me.
-Jesus Christ, Castor.	Drive.
-Drive.	The last time I took orders from you I ended up with five years probation.
-Where am I?	My place.
-My place.	You shouldn't have brought me here ... it's dangerous.
-You shouldn't have brought me here ... it's dangerous.	Better than you bleeding all over my car upholstery. Trust me, Caz, you won't be here long.
-I hear you're a manicurist now -- got your own business and everything.  I'm glad you've stayed clean.	Like I had a choice with that anal-retentive Jon Archer rising my ass at the probation hearing.  At least he took an interest. You took off without leaving so much as a Post-it.
-Like I had a choice with that anal-retentive Jon Archer rising my ass at the probation hearing.  At least he took an interest. You took off without leaving so much as a Post-it.	I'm not the same person you remember.
-Perfect fit.	Should be.  It's yours.
-Nice-looking kid.	Of course he is ...  -- He's yours too.
-Go on, Adam ...  I'm not asking you for anything -- I was never even going to tell you. But hell, I never thought I'd see you again, either.	How old is he?
-How old is he?	Five.  No one knows you're his father.  I thought someone might want to hurt him -- just to hurt you.
-Yes ... someone might want to tear him apart -- snuff him out -- for revenge.	You're not holding him right ... Caz ...
-And this thing can grow it?	Yes.  Pollux bought one along with the original batch.  Obviously, he found a way to make more.
-Yes.  Pollux bought one along with the original batch.  Obviously, he found a way to make more.	Why would he need more?
-Why would he need more?	He's your brother, you figure it out.  Maybe he made another bomb.
-He's your brother, you figure it out.  Maybe he made another bomb.	Or reactivated the first one.
-Or reactivated the first one.	Right ... like Jon Archer would ever let that happen.
-Hey, bro ...	You're not my brother.  The brother I knew would never have been caught by that dumb fuck Archer.  At least tell me the bomb is still going off.
-You're not my brother.  The brother I knew would never have been caught by that dumb fuck Archer.  At least tell me the bomb is still going off.	They haven't found it yet -- Listen, Pollux ...
-Pollux ...	Shut up.
-So?	So?  The procnias averano is a South American bird.  The flight here was only three hours!  And yesterday a European swallow flew by! Where the fuck are we?
-What do you mean?	You shoot hoops like a chick, you smoke like a wuss, and -- I don't know -- you're different.
-I was in a coma, Pollux. I still feel like shit.	Let me have a look.
-Do you know what it is to be in a coma?  It fucks up everything -- including your memory! I can't even tell you why Dobbs jumped me yesterday!	You porked his wife the day he was arrested.  How could you forget that?
-You porked his wife the day he was arrested.  How could you forget that?	I don't know.  Everything's jumbled -- so you're going to have to help me fill in a few blanks.
-I don't know.  Everything's jumbled -- so you're going to have to help me fill in a few blanks.	A few blanks?  Like what?
-A few blanks?  Like what?	Like ...
-Oh, God -- Mom OD'd at County General.	Retching and convulsing while those bastards didn't even try to save her sorry ass.  You gave her mouth to mouth -- man -- even then you had some constitution.
-Uh -- to kill the doctors?	After that.  You promised you'd always take care of me.
-After that.  You promised you'd always take care of me.	And I bet I've kept that promise ...
-And I bet I've kept that promise ...	Only one you've never broken.
-That's not the worst part.	What's worse than losing five million bucks?
-What's worse than losing five million bucks?	Being stuck in this rat-hole when it blows.  Bro, what you built was a work of art. That little fucker belongs in the Smithsonian.
-Thanks, Pollux.	For what?
-For what?	For being one helluva guy.
-For being one helluva guy.	"""Thanks?""  I guess they really did fuck you up."
-Well, you tried.  You failed miserably, but you tried.	Everything I say is wrong. I can't talk to her anymore.
-Everything I say is wrong. I can't talk to her anymore.	"She's only 12.  Some day she'll understand that apathy and absence are just special ways of saying ""I love you."""
-"She's only 12.  Some day she'll understand that apathy and absence are just special ways of saying ""I love you."""	Is that what you think?
-Is that what you think?	Jon ... we just remember how it used to be.  You staying for a while or is this just a piss-stop?
-Jon ... we just remember how it used to be.  You staying for a while or is this just a piss-stop?	We need to talk.
-We need to talk.	I'm late for surgery.
-I'm late for surgery.	It's important.
-It's important.	So is finishing my residency and passing my boards ...
-... I was dreaming ...	Something good?
-Something good?	We were back in high school. You wanted to join the sky diving team, but I wouldn't let you.
-We were back in high school. You wanted to join the sky diving team, but I wouldn't let you.	Must've been after we got engaged.
-Must've been after we got engaged.	Actually -- in this dream -- I was your mother.
-Actually -- in this dream -- I was your mother.	So you had a nightmare.
-So you had a nightmare.	Totally -- you were being very, very bad.  You went up in the plane and jumped out.  You had a parachute, but it didn't open.
-Totally -- you were being very, very bad.  You went up in the plane and jumped out.  You had a parachute, but it didn't open.	Were you there to catch me?
-Were you there to catch me?	No.
-No.	How come?
-How come?	I don't know ...  Maybe because you've never needed my help.
-Five years ... I still can't get it out of my head -- an inch to the left, Matty would still be alive.	And you wouldn't be.
-What are you saying?  Oh, God -- you're going on assignment again ...	One last time.  It's important ...
-One last time.  It's important ...	You said you'd be here! You promised me -- you promised Jamie!  What could be more important than that?
-You said you'd be here! You promised me -- you promised Jamie!  What could be more important than that?	I can't tell you ... except only I can do it.
-I can't tell you ... except only I can do it.	You want me to tell you it's okay to leave?  Okay, go on!  GO!
-Is someone there?	Eve, listen carefully.  The man you think is your husband -- isn't.
-Who is this?	Never mind that!  Just take Jamie and get out of that house.  Don't tell anyone where you're going -- especially not him -- just GO.
-Never mind that!  Just take Jamie and get out of that house.  Don't tell anyone where you're going -- especially not him -- just GO.	Okay, you're having an emotional crisis.  You need to seek the help of a trained --
-Okay, you're having an emotional crisis.  You need to seek the help of a trained --	Think about it, Eve! Everything he's done recently has been peculiar, right?  He's said and done things your husband would never do ...
-Think about it, Eve! Everything he's done recently has been peculiar, right?  He's said and done things your husband would never do ...	Whoever you are, don't call again.
-Whoever you are, don't call again.	Don't hang up ...
-I know you -- you're the one who called.  You're Castor Troy.  You killed my son --	-- I called, but I'm not Castor.  I'm your husband.
-How did he expect to do that?	An NSA surgeon gave me Castor's face.  He handled the transplant, the vocal implant, everything.  But somehow Castor came out of his coma -- and killed everyone who knew about the mission. But not before he was transformed into me.
-I took it from my fake husband.	Why point it at me?  I'm the real thing.
-Why point it at me?  I'm the real thing.	I don't know that.  Maybe Jon's already dead.
-I don't know that.  Maybe Jon's already dead.	What more proof do you need?
-What more proof do you need?	Tell me what happened on April 9th -- 13 years ago.
-Christ, Jon!  How could you do this to yourself? How could you do this to us?  Do you know -- do you know what he did to me ...?	Whatever happened, whatever he did -- I know it's my fault and I know I can never make it up to you --
-He freaked out when he thought I had seen this stuff.  I think it's a list of cities -- Santiago, Ho Chi Minh City, Nandi ...	Our Pacific Rim stations. These numbers must be bounties. Castor's not wasting any time.
-Our Pacific Rim stations. These numbers must be bounties. Castor's not wasting any time.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	He's going to kill off our bureau chiefs -- one-by-one.
-He's going to kill off our bureau chiefs -- one-by-one.	-- Or maybe all at once.  There's a get-together tonight at New St. Marks. For all the bureau chiefs and their families.  He's insisted Jamie and I be there too.
-You can't go.  You can't be anywhere near that place.	Jon, what is it?
-Jon, what is it?	The bomb.  He's reactivated it.  And everyone there is going to die.
-The bomb.  He's reactivated it.  And everyone there is going to die.	Can't we call someone? Admiral Lazarro?
-Can't we call someone? Admiral Lazarro?	"I know Lazarro -- the first person she'd call is ""me."" We can't take the chance of tipping Castor off."
-"I know Lazarro -- the first person she'd call is ""me."" We can't take the chance of tipping Castor off."	Jon, if I'm not there, he will be tipped off.  I'll get rid of Jamie -- but you and I are in this together.
-Jon, if I'm not there, he will be tipped off.  I'll get rid of Jamie -- but you and I are in this together.	Eve ...
-How is he?	No life signs at all. He's a turnip.
-No life signs at all. He's a turnip.	That's what they always say.
-I started wondering -- if you couldn't switch back -- would it make a difference?	Would it?
-Would it?	Damn right.
-How's Loomis?	Apparently, fine.  He's coming into work.  That's the good news ...
-Apparently, fine.  He's coming into work.  That's the good news ...	Go on.
-Go on.	Castor's still alive --  Technically.  He's a turnip, on total life-support ...
-We can send in a plant -- try to get Pollux to spill the location.	He'd see that a mile away.  The only person he'd talk to about that bomb is his brother.  Unfortunately, turnips can't talk.
-Which ear was it?	The left, I think.  Those surgeons in Witness Protection can fix things nobody's even broken yet.
-Jon, this is goddam insane. You can't go through with it.  What about Eve?	She doesn't know -- and she never will.
-She doesn't know -- and she never will.	You haven't got a chance in hell of fooling Pollux. Castor drinks, smokes and walks around with a 24-hour hard-on.  He's nothing like you.
-You haven't got a chance in hell of fooling Pollux. Castor drinks, smokes and walks around with a 24-hour hard-on.  He's nothing like you.	Don't worry.  I've done my homework.  I'll get Pollux to talk.
-Don't worry.  I've done my homework.  I'll get Pollux to talk.	Either way, come Saturday morning -- I'm pulling you the hell out of there.
-Now what?	Call Lazarro.  Castor just came out of his coma.
-This is it, Jon.  For the next 72 hours -- you're on your own.	Just make sure you're there.  On time.
-"How is the ""date night"" idea going over with Eve?"	Like gangbusters, doc.  Okay, I missed the last one.
-Like gangbusters, doc.  Okay, I missed the last one.	You missed the last three, including her birthday.  Your wife's gripe sheet.
-You missed the last three, including her birthday.  Your wife's gripe sheet.	I've been working night and day.  I haven't had time.
-I've been working night and day.  I haven't had time.	You're supposed to make time. When was the last time you told her you love her?  When was the last time you two had sex?
-One of my informants spotted him -- right here in the city.	I just asked you about making love to your wife, and you started talking about your job.
-I just asked you about making love to your wife, and you started talking about your job.	I'm not hiding in my work, if that's what you're saying.
-I'm not hiding in my work, if that's what you're saying.	You said it, Jon, not me.
-Jon, I'm getting a little annoyed by your obsessive need to spoil my fun.	"And how much will your ""fun"" net you this time?"
-What's it to you?  I declare it.  Here I am, back in the States for less than a month --	You're under arrest. Incredibly, you still have the right to remain silent --
-You're under arrest. Incredibly, you still have the right to remain silent --	What're you gonna do with me gone?  You'll drive your wife and kid nuts! I bet your daughter is just about ripe by now. What's her name, Janie?
-What're you gonna do with me gone?  You'll drive your wife and kid nuts! I bet your daughter is just about ripe by now. What's her name, Janie?	Mention my family once more and you're dead.
-Mention my family once more and you're dead.	You can't kill me, Jon. I've got something going this Saturday night ... it's gonna be worse than anything God ever dumped on the Pharaohs -- and only I can stop it.
-You can't kill me, Jon. I've got something going this Saturday night ... it's gonna be worse than anything God ever dumped on the Pharaohs -- and only I can stop it.	You can tell me all about it -- from your prison cell.
-You can tell me all about it -- from your prison cell.	Don't count on it.
--- Castor?	Not anymore.
-Not anymore.	It can't be.  It's impossible.
-It can't be.  It's impossible.	"I believe the phrase Dr. Hoag used was ""titanically remote.""  Who knows?  Maybe the trauma of having my face cut off pulled me out.  Or maybe God really is on my side after all.  By the way, I know you don't get the papers in here."
-You killed them?	Of course I killed them, you DUMB FUCK.  And torched every shred of evidence that proves who you really are.  Swallow this one, Commander. You are going to be in here for the rest of your life.
-Of course I killed them, you DUMB FUCK.  And torched every shred of evidence that proves who you really are.  Swallow this one, Commander. You are going to be in here for the rest of your life.	What are you going to do, Castor?
-What are you going to do, Castor?	Let's not confuse things anymore.  I'm Archer. You're Castor.  But if you need proof --
-What are you going to do!	"You've given me the freedom I haven't had in years, and the power to make it pay off in ways I never thought possible.  But hell -- this is America.  One day a pauper, the next day, a prince. And I owe it all to you. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got an important government job to abuse, -- and a beautiful wife to fuck.  Excuse me -- I mean ""make love to."""
-Stay away from my family!	Too late, your kid worships me.  And your wife -- she's an animal.  Even I can't keep up with her.
-What -- what are you doing?	Vacuum-sealed globe ... shouldn't take long.
-I don't know.  How long before it kills us?	Five seconds.
-Give up, Castor.  People are going to find out.	Not if I kill you first ...
-Jamie ...	Shoot him!
-They're too tight.	So's a noose.  Now keep your mouth SHUT.
-You'll what?	I'm going to have you fired.
-You better be nice, Castor. You could get mighty lonely now that Pollux is gone.	Pollux is -- what?
-Pollux is -- what?	Archer cut him a deal for turning state's evidence. He's free.
-Archer cut him a deal for turning state's evidence. He's free.	Walton, you have to let me see the warden --
-Walton, you have to let me see the warden --	Or what?  You'll have me fired?
-SFPD?  Castor isn't stupid enough to come back to the city.	Trust me, he's already here. Get going!
-We've got him sighted. Okay, Pollux, pull out.	What makes you so sure this guy's gonna set up his own brother?
-What makes you so sure this guy's gonna set up his own brother?	I've never been more certain of anything. Get everyone in position. -- And get the word out -- shoot to kill.
-Just saving the tax-payers the cost of a trial.  So take a hike.	What's the matter with your voice, Commander?
-What's the matter with your voice, Commander?	Castor Troy almost strangled me to death.  Where the hell were you?
-Screw your boundaries, Janie.  You have something I want.	Janie?
-Clarissa left those here.	I won't tell mom if you don't.
-I won't tell mom if you don't.	When did you start smoking?
-When did you start smoking?	You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here. Daddy's a new man.
-Get a higher arc on the ball, Jamie.  And for Chrissake, square your shoulders to the basket.	Like you know anything about it.
-What are you -- stupid?	You haven't changed at all! Some guy tries to rape me -- and you side with him!
-You haven't changed at all! Some guy tries to rape me -- and you side with him!	Did it look like I was siding with him?  Did it?  You want to play with the bad boys, you better be prepared.  Do you have protection?
-Did it look like I was siding with him?  Did it?  You want to play with the bad boys, you better be prepared.  Do you have protection?	You mean like ... condoms?
-You mean like ... condoms?	I mean like protection.
-There's my little darling.  The night wouldn't be complete without you.	Yeah, mom cut me some slack -- but I decided ... I'd like to be here for you.  Here, mom.  You can have it back.  Thanks, though.
-Oh -- Commander.  I didn't see you ...	Well, I saw you -- Kim.
-Well, I saw you -- Kim.	Kim?
-Kim?	That's your name, isn't it?
-That's your name, isn't it?	You always call me Miss Brewster.
-You always call me Miss Brewster.	Let's try to be a little less formal from now on, shall we?
-You've got someone in your office.	Get rid of them.
-Get rid of them.	The Admiral?
-You picked a helluva day to leave your beeper off!	What happened?
-What happened?	Castor's escaped!
-Castor's escaped!	Escaped?  From Erewhon?  I want everyone on this -- our entire force and the SFPD.
-What happened?	What the fuck do you think happened?  Castor Troy just shot him!  What are you waiting for?  GO!
-Commander, what are you doing here?	Where should I be?  Where's everyone else?
-Where should I be?  Where's everyone else?	Backing you up!  Didn't you track Castor to the Army Street Terminal?
-Backing you up!  Didn't you track Castor to the Army Street Terminal?	What?
-What?	It was confirmed by your personal security code. Nobody knows that code but you!
-It was confirmed by your personal security code. Nobody knows that code but you!	Obviously someone else knows it!  Get everybody back to their posts -- NOW!
-You're both in custody until there's a DNA fingerprinting and we can prove who's who. Now put the gun down.	You can't blame me for trying.
-You merciless bastard!	"Business first.  I went into the ""Warrants"" system and erased your records.  You're clean.  In fact, you're now on the informant payroll."
-I can't even look at you without wanting to vomit.	You better get used to it. That bitch Lazarro is getting kicked upstairs. Guess what white-bread family man is going to replace her?
--- I'll be one of the most powerful men in the country. Didn't matter how much cash I made pulling wet jobs -- I was still too low on the food chain -- always with somebody like Jon Archer after me.  The best part is -- I'm the GOOD guy.	No -- the best part is, since it's a government job -- they can't fire you!  But how can you be sure you'll get the appointment?
-No -- the best part is, since it's a government job -- they can't fire you!  But how can you be sure you'll get the appointment?	Trust me.  You're gonna love it ...
-Don't get mad, but I just went for a little stroll through the company switches.	You're supposed to be snitching, making me look legit.
-You're supposed to be snitching, making me look legit.	Don't worry, nobody knows I'm inside.  Check it out.  Remember that fat fuck agent who roughed us up in Thailand?  He's being treated for bone cancer at the V.A.  Thanks to the miracle of NSA grid-technology ...  -- Ooops!  His radiation does just quadrupled.
-Don't worry, nobody knows I'm inside.  Check it out.  Remember that fat fuck agent who roughed us up in Thailand?  He's being treated for bone cancer at the V.A.  Thanks to the miracle of NSA grid-technology ...  -- Ooops!  His radiation does just quadrupled.	Are you TRYING to give us away? For somebody with such a big brain, you think awfully small.
-Are you TRYING to give us away? For somebody with such a big brain, you think awfully small.	I'm just having some fun.
-I'm just having some fun.	There's fun, bro.  Then there's FUN.
-Eight pocket stingers ... seven piper uzis ... six cobra carbines ...  five - net - launch-ers ...	Yeah -- it's Santa's Magic fucking Village.  Your present's in here.
-We gut the organization -- and rebuild it with more reliable friends.	Most of the current chiefs -- they must have pretty hefty prices on their heads.
-Most of the current chiefs -- they must have pretty hefty prices on their heads.	All of them do.  We'll kill twelve birds with one bomb.  And we'll be rich.
-All of them do.  We'll kill twelve birds with one bomb.  And we'll be rich.	Good, because I checked your salary -- and it bites.  How the everyday working-class stiff survives in today's economy is something I'll never ...
-You'll need to recultivate that virus.	No problem.
-What about me?	A lot of people think you're a snitch.  It's dangerous ...
-A lot of people think you're a snitch.  It's dangerous ...	Like I fucking care?  I'm not just sitting here!
-Look at you, Jon -- at your age -- an American hero!  I'd buy you a drink but I know you'd just turn me down.	Normally, I would.  But today ...
-You're the only person in this place who can see right through me.	You've made us look pretty good in the past week.  And the way you handled the press --
-You've made us look pretty good in the past week.  And the way you handled the press --	Just following your example.
-Just following your example.	D.C.'s very high on giving you the promotion.  There's just one problem.
-D.C.'s very high on giving you the promotion.  There's just one problem.	What's that?
-What's that?	Me.  I have doubts about your ability to stick with what is essentially a desk job.
-Me.  I have doubts about your ability to stick with what is essentially a desk job.	I had doubts too.  I always looked at a desk as though it were a ball-and-chain. But something happened ...
-You'd have to start immediately.	Done.  In fact, I was already plotting about the best way to meet the foreign bureau chiefs.
-Done.  In fact, I was already plotting about the best way to meet the foreign bureau chiefs.	Jon, you're starting to remind me -- of me.  Congratulations.
-I just heard about Castor's fratricide -- rather poetic, don't you think?	What is it, Admiral? I'm under the gun here.
-What is it, Admiral? I'm under the gun here.	I just thought that -- under the circumstances -- you might want to postpone the meeting with the station chiefs.
-I just thought that -- under the circumstances -- you might want to postpone the meeting with the station chiefs.	No.  Most of them are in transit by now.  I'm heading over to the hotel to personally oversee security.
-No.  Most of them are in transit by now.  I'm heading over to the hotel to personally oversee security.	Okay, then.  I leave it in your able hands.
-"What happened to your big ""assignment""?"	What do you know about it?
-What do you know about it?	As much as ever.  Nothing.
-As much as ever.  Nothing.	It didn't work out as planned. Where are you off to?
-It didn't work out as planned. Where are you off to?	The hospital.
-The hospital.	The hospital?  Oh, that's right -- you're a doctor.  Ha-ha.
-The hospital?  Oh, that's right -- you're a doctor.  Ha-ha.	Jon -- I don't have time to play games.  There're leftovers in the fridge.
-Jon -- I don't have time to play games.  There're leftovers in the fridge.	Have fun at work.
-What is with you tonight?	Don't I usually kiss my wife?
-Don't I usually kiss my wife?	No.
-Hurry up -- the salad's getting warm and the pasta's getting cold.	-- I've got to study.
-Why do I feel like I'm on a blind date?	They say love is blind. Do you think that's true?
-I think -- you're trying to get me drunk.	Wouldn't be the first time -- or would it?
-Wouldn't be the first time -- or would it?	You wouldn't even sip champagne at our wedding. We were underage -- you wouldn't break the law.  Remember what my brother called you?
-So -- how long will you be gone this time?	Gone?
-Gone?	Isn't that what all this is about?  Letting Jamie go out, cooking me dinner, -- your next assignment?
-Isn't that what all this is about?  Letting Jamie go out, cooking me dinner, -- your next assignment?	I'm not going anywhere.
-I'm not going anywhere.	You always say that -- then you leave.
-You always say that -- then you leave.	Can't you see I'm trying to change?  I sent Jamie off because I wanted to be alone with you.  I wanted to see the candle-light dance in your beautiful --
--- what?	I'm replacing Lazarro. Nice, safe desk job -- just like you wanted.
-I'm replacing Lazarro. Nice, safe desk job -- just like you wanted.	... That's great.
-... That's great.	So you see, I'm not going anywhere.  Unless it's upstairs with you ...
-You're wearing your suit --	Call me spontaneous.
-What's on your mind?	Jon, it's the tenth.  I know how difficult it is for you, but we still have to go.
-Jon, it's the tenth.  I know how difficult it is for you, but we still have to go.	I'm late.  Gotta protect and serve the world, y'know.
-I'm late.  Gotta protect and serve the world, y'know.	The world can wait, Jon. You're going.
-The world can wait, Jon. You're going.	Okay, if you insist. But -- you drive.
-I think Jamie's been seeing Karl again.	Great.
-Great.	Great?  He's 17 -- you told her to stay away from him.
-Great?  He's 17 -- you told her to stay away from him.	Oh, that Karl.
-Oh, that Karl.	Yes, Jon.  That Karl.
-Yes, Jon.  That Karl.	I'll have a talk with her. By the way, you never said anything about last night ...
-What are you doing?	-- Studying.
-Nothing.	I disagree.  You think I've been acting strange.  Like a completely different person.
-I disagree.  You think I've been acting strange.  Like a completely different person.	-- Yes.
--- Yes.	Okay, I have a confession to make.  But you aren't going to like it.
-Where's Jamie?	That's what I'd like to know.  She stole fifty dollars from my purse and took off.
-I'll deal with her later.	Good.  Because I'm fed up.
-I'm going to the powder room.	Sure, baby -- go anywhere you want.  But I have to give you an escort.  Security reasons.
-Remember this from our junior prom?  Boy, were you ever mad for Madonna.	Back then -- who wasn't?
-Back then -- who wasn't?	Wait a second -- you hated Madonna.  Didn't you?
-You too?  This holiday's about giving, Adelle.  And I'm giving everything I've got to this deal, so in a way, I'm more Christmassy than anyone...  Lifesaver?	You're a ray of sunshine, Jack.
-Oh, and Oxxford called...	Ooh, my suits are ready...
-Kate Reynolds...	Her assistant said you could call her at home after eight.
-Her assistant?	Yeah Jack, her assistant...
-Yeah Jack, her assistant...	Kate Reynolds was my girlfriend in college.  I almost married her...
-Kate Reynolds was my girlfriend in college.  I almost married her...	You?  Married?
-You?  Married?	Almost married.  And almost a junior broker at E.F. Hutton...
-Almost married.  And almost a junior broker at E.F. Hutton...	Excuse me?
-Excuse me?	She didn't want me to go to London.  We're standing at the airport saying goodbye and she asks me to stay.
-She didn't want me to go to London.  We're standing at the airport saying goodbye and she asks me to stay.	So you left her?  Just like that?
-So you left her?  Just like that?	God, no.  I thought about it for practically the entire flight...
-God, no.  I thought about it for practically the entire flight...	Stop Jack, I'm getting all weepy.
-Stop Jack, I'm getting all weepy.	I took the road less traveled, Adelle.
-I took the road less traveled, Adelle.	And look where it's led you...  I'm gonna get her on the phone...
-No...	No?!  You almost married this woman.  Aren't you even curious what she wants?
-No?!  You almost married this woman.  Aren't you even curious what she wants?	She's probably just having a fit of nostalgia.  You know, lonely Christmas Eve, call the one that got away, that kind of thing.
-I'll leave from the office tomorrow afternoon.  Call the group.  Schedule an emergency strategy session for noon.	That'll be a nice little holiday treat.
-Hello?	Hey Santa, where are you? Everybody’s here.
-Hey Santa, where are you? Everybody’s here.	Adelle?
-Adelle?	You were supposed to be here half an hour ago...the emergency strategy session? Your trip to Aspen? They’re all panicked here...
-Sorry, Jack.  I told Dee and the kids I'd be home by dinner.  You know, it being Christmas Eve and all.	Is that tonight?
-You think I like being here on Christmas Eve, Alan?	I don't know.  Maybe...
-You're right, Jack.  Sorry... Jack approaches Alan.	I don't want you to be sorry, Alan, I want you to be excited.  I want my gift to be the first one you open this year.  You know why?
-I don't want you to be sorry, Alan, I want you to be excited.  I want my gift to be the first one you open this year.  You know why?	Why Jack?
-Why Jack?	Because my gift comes with ten zeroes at the end...
-Mr. Mintz.	Please, call me Alan. We try to cultivate a casual atmosphere around here...
-Please, call me Alan. We try to cultivate a casual atmosphere around here...	I can see that, Alan.
-You have kids, Jack?	Uh...actually, yes. Two... good ones.
-I was a sales associate, at E.F. Hutton.	A broker? Really. And now you’re in the tire business?
-A broker? Really. And now you’re in the tire business?	That’s right. And auto supply...
-That’s right. And auto supply...	Uh huh. The retail end, I understand.
-Uh...we actually get about sixty percent of our business from automotive service.	Mind if I ask what kind of sales you did last year? Ballpark...
-Mind if I ask what kind of sales you did last year? Ballpark...	We did one point seven million in total revenue...
-We did one point seven million in total revenue...	Uh huh...one point seven. And what do you project for this year?
-Well, Alan, I think we’re gonna have a banner year. Sales are up almost twenty percent in the first quarter and we just landed a major trucking company account.	Really. So you’re projecting what, a tad over two million?
-Look, I know our paltry little two million in sales is about what you spend on office supplies in a year.  And I know some regional trucking company account is nothing compared to a sixty billion dollar merger...	I’m not trying to knock the tire business, Jack.
-I’m not trying to knock the tire business, Jack.	It’s okay, Alan. I get it. I’m in your shoes, I’m thinking exactly the same thing...but here’s the thing. Business is business.  Wall Street, Main Street, it’s all just a bunch of people getting up in the morning, trying to figure out how the hell they’re gonna send their kids to college.  It’s just people...
-And I know people.	I’m sure you do...
-Take you, for instance...	What about me?
-What about me?	You drink about sixteen Diet Cokes a day. You’re an excellent father, but you feel guilty about the time you spend away from home. You drink bourbon, but you offer your clients scotch...
-...that’s our war room. We did seven major deals last year, three of them hostile.	Seven.  Really.
-Good for you. Why shouldn’t you protect what’s yours.	I don’t think you’re hearing me.
-I don’t think you’re hearing me.	Oh, I’m hearing you, Alan. That’s not the problem. The problem is that what you think is yours, is really mine.  And I don’t care how low on the totem pole I start, I will get it back...  So do yourself a favor and don’t get too attached to that view because sometime soon, maybe very soon, you and your French country antiques, your chintz sofa, and your little play pen are gonna be moving out of that office.
-Jack, are you okay?	What’s going on here?
-What’s going on here?	It’s not good.  Bob Thomas has secretly been talking to a European drug company. We’re not sure which one, Julia’s on it right now. Word is they’re willing to let him buy a minority stake and keep running the entire company.  The Global people are up in arms.  They say we should’ve been prepared for this.  We’re in trouble here, Jack...
-Excuse me?	But I think I like you better this way...
-But I think I like you better this way...	Is this another one of those Sun Tzu “Art of War” tricks?
-No.	So what are we gonna do, Jack?
-Rise...and...shine...!	You’re jumping, sweetheart...
-Mom, don’t you think we need to open the presents?	Mommy needs five more minutes in la la land. That could be her present...
-We’re almost done here...	Mary Janes, Mom.  You promised.
-Mary Janes, Mom.  You promised.	That’s right.  Okay, let’s make a quick stop at the kids’ shoe department, pick up my watch from the battery place, then I’ll run into the linen store...
-Fighting’s a part of it, Annie.  You know that, right?	I’m not worried, Mom. He’s still learning our ways...
-This isn’t my real life. It’s just a glimpse...	Where’s my real dad?
-Where’s my real dad?	I don’t know...
-They did a pretty good job.	Who did?
-Who did?	The aliens...In the mother ship.  You look just like him.
-The aliens...In the mother ship.  You look just like him.	Uhh...thanks...slightly better looking though, right?
-Do you like kids?	On a case by case basis...
-On a case by case basis...	You know how to make chocolate milk?
-You know how to make chocolate milk?	I think I could figure it out.
-I think I could figure it out.	You promise not to kidnap me and my brother and implant stuff in our brains?
-You promise not to kidnap me and my brother and implant stuff in our brains?	Sure.
-This is day care.  It’s where babies go when their parents are at work.	Check...
-I have winter camp until four, then ballet until five thirty.	Five thirty.  Okay.
-Five thirty.  Okay.	Try not to be late because kids don’t like to be the last one picked up.
-Try not to be late because kids don’t like to be the last one picked up.	Got it.  Good tip.
-Got it.  Good tip.	Bye...
-Where do I go now?	Big Ed’s.
-Big Ed’s.	Big Ed’s?  Big Ed’s Tires?  Why...?
-Big Ed’s?  Big Ed’s Tires?  Why...?	That’s where you work.
-Not bad...I shoulda warned you.  Dad always does something really special for their anniversary.	Like what?
-Like what?	One year he had a solar system named after her...
-One year he had a solar system named after her...	Don’t you think that’s a little gimmicky?
-Don’t you think that’s a little gimmicky?	Mom liked it.
-Maybe there’s a jewelry store back at the mall. I could get her a pair of earrings or something.	That’s good but...you did forget the anniversary.
-That’s good but...you did forget the anniversary.	Right.  That’s a major oversight...  So if I’m Kate...I can’t really afford the finer things, my husband’s career is a crushing disappointment to me, I’m trapped in suburbia...
-Very nice. What is it?	Mary Had A Little Lamb.
-Mary Had A Little Lamb.	Ah. A classic...
-What are you doing?	Ringing my bell...
-Is it morning yet?	No, honey. Go back to sleep.
-I know, I moved the Barca-lounger into the corner.  It’s throwin’ everybody off.  What do you think?	Great room...
-We’re friends, aren’t we?	Maybe I don’t say it enough but you moving in next door to me...
-I’m having kind of a bad day.	I read somewhere that the suicide rate doubles during the holidays...
-What am I saying?  You don’t need to hear that...  All I meant was a lot of people have a hard time dealing with all the forced reverie, that’s all.  Is that you?	Is it...?
-Is it...?	Trouble at work?
-Trouble at work?	I don’t think so.
-I don’t think so.	It’s not Kate, is it?
-You see, it’s like we’re in each other’s heads...	Kate’s my wife...
-Look, you fit the profile exactly.  Thirties, house, kids, financial responsibilities.  You start thinking...this isn’t the life I dreamt about.  Where’s the romance, where’s the joie de vivre?  Suddenly, every lingerie ad in the Newark Star Ledger represents a life you can’t have...	It’s just two kids, right?
-Damn...	Jesus, Jack, this is a league match, for god’s sake!
-Where’s your follow through?  Where’s your stance?	Hey, I’m doing the best I can...  I’d like to see you hit a squash ball after seventeen beers...
-Hey, I’m doing the best I can...  I’d like to see you hit a squash ball after seventeen beers...	You’re right.  Why am I so competitive!? Compensation, I guess. Look, just focus, Jack. You can still pick up the spare...
-Hey Jack, you’re all flush.  I guess that seventy-one took a lot outta you.	I just saw Evelyn Thompson.
-I just saw Evelyn Thompson.	She is relentless.
-She is relentless.	She wants to have an affair with me.
-She wants to have an affair with me.	She said that?
-She said that?	Pretty much.
-Pretty much.	Oh yeah...  What is it about you?
-Oh yeah...  What is it about you?	So could you write down her exact address?
-So could you write down her exact address?	Whoa...whoa...wait a second, Jack.  You’re not actually gonna cheat on Kate?
-Whoa...whoa...wait a second, Jack.  You’re not actually gonna cheat on Kate?	It wouldn’t really be cheating...  It’s complicated.
-It wouldn’t really be cheating...  It’s complicated.	Look, maybe I’m not as good a consigliere as you are but you have to trust me on this one.  A little flirtation’s harmless but you’re playing with fire here.  The Fidelity Bank and Trust is a tough creditor.  You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account forever.
-Look, maybe I’m not as good a consigliere as you are but you have to trust me on this one.  A little flirtation’s harmless but you’re playing with fire here.  The Fidelity Bank and Trust is a tough creditor.  You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account forever.	I’m telling you, those rules don’t apply to me, Arn.
-I’m telling you, those rules don’t apply to me, Arn.	Screw the rules.  I’m talking about the choice.
-C’mon, Evelyn Thompson’s got no class.  She doesn’t marry Dr. Steve, the woman’s living in a trailer.	Hey, is that really necessary?
-Hey, is that really necessary?	All I’m saying it there isn’t a guy in Union County who wouldn’t give his left nut to be married to Kate...
-So Jack, it’s your wife’s birthday, got anything to say to her?	It’s your birthday? Today?  What’s your name?  Where were you born?
-Hey, you can’t park that thing here.	It’s me, Jack...
-It’s me, Jack...	I don’t care if you’re Tim Allen with your fancy car and all your tools, you still can’t park here.
-I don’t care if you’re Tim Allen with your fancy car and all your tools, you still can’t park here.	Tell me you recognize me, Arnie.  Please...
-Tell me you recognize me, Arnie.  Please...	How’d you know my name?
-How’d you know my name?	We bowl together. We’re bowlers ...we won a championship...we’re winners.
-We bowl together. We’re bowlers ...we won a championship...we’re winners.	I never won anything in bowling.
-Wait a second...  Jack...Jack...	Yes...Jack Campbell...
-Yes...Jack Campbell...	Of course. Jack Campbell. I went to high school with you...you played baseball, right?  You’re doing well...
-Of course. Jack Campbell. I went to high school with you...you played baseball, right?  You’re doing well...	Yes, that’s it...yes, we went to high school together.
-Yes, that’s it...yes, we went to high school together.	You never really talked to me.  I wanted to talk to you, man...
-You never really talked to me.  I wanted to talk to you, man...	Yeah...I guess I just wanted you to know, we could’ve been really good friends...
-Where’s my car?!  Where’s my Ferrari!?	What the hell are you talking about?  What’s he talking about?
-What the hell are you talking about?  What’s he talking about?	Look, can I just borrow your car?!  I promise it’ll be returned!
-Look, can I just borrow your car?!  I promise it’ll be returned!	The Caddy?  Why don’t you take your own damn car!
-Got a minute, Jack?	I’ve got all the time in the world...
-C’mon Jack...	I mean it.  From what I can tell, we’re a mom and pop operation, we’re already over-extended in sales, and any price advantage we could offer would easily be matched by a larger supplier...
-DO YOU WANNA DIE?!	No.
-No.	Yes you do...
-Yes you do...	Look, I'm talking about a business deal here.  I buy the ticket for two hundred, take it to a store where the guy behind the counter...  ...doesn't have a death wish  ...I just made myself a quick thirty eight dollars.
-Like I said, it's a business deal...	Damn, you are the real thing...
-How'd you know my name was Jack?	"I call all you white guys ""Jack."""
-You know you seem pretty relaxed for a guy who just had a gun pulled on him.	There's no way I was gonna die in that deli...  Let's just say I've been on a lucky streak lately.
-There's no way I was gonna die in that deli...  Let's just say I've been on a lucky streak lately.	A lucky streak, huh?
-So you're telling me, you've got a gun to your head and you don't think for one second, what if this, what if that, maybe I shouldn't do this, I shoulda done that.	I don't do that.  That's just not for me...
-Okay, Jack.  Nice doing business with you... Cash is about to take off...	Hey...
-What do you want to carry that gun around for, anyway? You're just gonna do something you'll regret...	You want to talk about regrets, you're talking to the wrong person.
-I'm just saying that you seem like a smart guy.  At a certain point you're gonna do something, and then there's no turning back...	Yeah, in most cases that'd be true.
-I mean there must be programs out there, opportunities...	Wait a minute, wait a minute... you're tryin' to save me?
-Oh man, you're serious...  This man thinks I need to be saved!	Everyone needs something.
-Yeah?  What do you need?	Me?
-Me?	You just said everyone needs something.
-You just said everyone needs something.	I've got everything I need.
-I've got everything I need.	Wow.  It must be great being you.  You got it all.
-Look, I'm not saying you'd be able to do it without some hard work...	You still think this is about me, don't you?
-You still think this is about me, don't you?	Sure it's about you.  But it's about society, too.
-Sure it's about you.  But it's about society, too.	Oh man, I'm gonna enjoy this one... Just remember, Jack, you did this.  You brought this on yourself...
-Miss me, Jack?	That’s my car!  You stole my car!
-That’s my car!  You stole my car!	It’s a callable asset seized in accordance with the acquisition by-laws of your alt-fate contract...
-It’s a callable asset seized in accordance with the acquisition by-laws of your alt-fate contract...	What?!
-What?!	Basically, it’s my car now.  Get in.
-Might wanna fasten your seat belt, Jack...	What the hell is happening to me?!
-Look, I don’t know what you’re getting so worked up about, you did this...you brought this on yourself.	Brought what on myself?! I didn’t do anything!
-Brought what on myself?! I didn’t do anything!	No?  C’mon, Jack...I’ve got everything I need, I don’t have regrets, that’s just not for me... sound familiar?
-No?  C’mon, Jack...I’ve got everything I need, I don’t have regrets, that’s just not for me... sound familiar?	You mean because you thought I was cocky I’m now on a permanent acid trip?!!
-Everyone else in that store is a statue, they see their lives passing in front of their eyes, but not you.  You’re making a business deal...	Give me my goddamn life back!
-Give me my goddamn life back!	You?  What about me?  I’m working hard for you here, Jack.  On Christmas too!  Now you did a good thing last night, intervening that way.  I was moved...
-You?  What about me?  I’m working hard for you here, Jack.  On Christmas too!  Now you did a good thing last night, intervening that way.  I was moved...	Please.  Just tell me what’s happening to me. In plain English.  None of that mumbo jumbo...
-It’s a glimpse, Jacko.	I glimpse?  A glimpse of what!?  What glimpse?! Glimpse!
-I glimpse?  A glimpse of what!?  What glimpse?! Glimpse!	Look, eventually, everybody gets one...some of ‘em take a couple seconds...  ...some of ‘em take a lot longer...
-Look, eventually, everybody gets one...some of ‘em take a couple seconds...  ...some of ‘em take a lot longer...	I asked you a direct question!  A glimpse of what?!
-Figure it out.  You got plenty of time.	How much time?!
-How much time?!	As long as it takes to figure it out.  Which, in your case, could be considerable.
-As long as it takes to figure it out.  Which, in your case, could be considerable.	Look, I just want my life back.  Now what’s it gonna take?  You wanna talk turkey?  Let’s talk turkey!  How much money...?
-Do I look like I need your money.  It doesn’t work like that and I can’t tell you why.	Why not?
-Why not?	Because you got to figure it out for yourself.  Are you listening to me?
-Because you got to figure it out for yourself.  Are you listening to me?	Figure it out?  Figure what out?!
-That’s it?  That’s all I get?!  A glare?!	Look Jack, in my experience the best way people deal with this is to just relax and breathe through it...let it come to you.
-What’s this, a signal? Will you come whenever I ring it?	Do I look like I live in a bottle?
-But what do I do?	Look Jack I’m late.  I’d love to help you out some more but I gotta go handle my business...  Happy trails.
-You can’t do this. You can’t keep coming in and out of people’s lives, messing things up...	C’mon, Jack...
-I’ve got kids, I’m going home...	You know what the word glimpse means, J? It’s by nature an impermanent thing.
-...06...14...18...48...right there.  Four numbers...that's two hundred and thirty eight dollar...  Merry Christmas and shit...	Ticket bad.  You draw in lines with pencil.
-Ticket bad.  You draw in lines with pencil.	What're you talkin' about?
-What're you talkin' about?	You draw lines with pencil!  I know about this!
-What!?  Look at the ticket...!	Get out, I call 911.
-You leave now.  Take ticket somewhere else.  Next customer in line...!	You first generation, xenophobic, money-theistic, hot pastrami sandwich making...
-You first generation, xenophobic, money-theistic, hot pastrami sandwich making...	Get out!
-Like the dress...?	It’s lovely...
-It’s lovely...	I thought I saw you notice it at the kids’ recital.
-Finger food...?	I don’t think so, thank you...
-I don’t think so, thank you...	C’mon, as soon as I put them down, you’re gonna grab a couple...you always do...
-Mushroom puffs aren’t the only thing I do well...	Well do whatever it is you do well, and just...just do it. Excuse me...
-Evelyn, right?	Very funny.  I saw you out there on lane five. What do you have the flu or something?
-Very funny.  I saw you out there on lane five. What do you have the flu or something?	Something like that.
-Something like that.	Need a nurse?
-Need a nurse?	You’re a nurse?
-Are we...?	Are we what, Jack?
-Are we what, Jack?	Is there something going on between us?
-Are we finally being honest?	It would help me if we were.
-It would help me if we were.	Okay, you’re right, we’ve been dancing around this for years...
-I'm thinking I might walk tonight, Frank.	Nice night for it.  I'll have Louis send your car home.
-Merry Christmas to you, sir...	Thanks.  To you too...
-Whoa, whoa, whoa...hold it right there...	Frank.  Where’s Alan Mintz?  Is he here yet?
-Frank.  Where’s Alan Mintz?  Is he here yet?	Mr. Mintz?  I don’t think so...building’s closed pal.  You’ll have to come back tomorrow.
-Mr. Mintz?  I don’t think so...building’s closed pal.  You’ll have to come back tomorrow.	Look, I don’t know what’s going on here but I am Senior Vice President of this company.
-Look, I don’t know what’s going on here but I am Senior Vice President of this company.	I don’t care who you are.  It’s Christmas and like I told you the building is closed.
-I don’t care who you are.  It’s Christmas and like I told you the building is closed.	Maybe you’re not hearing me.  I am Jack Campbell...  Right here.  Jack Campbell, President...
-Do I have a private office somewhere in the building?	Uh...sure Jack...  Right back there...
-Uh...sure Jack...  Right back there...	Thank you.
-...I was the number one junior sales associate at E.F. Hutton in 1988.  Did you know that?	No, I didn’t...that’s great.
-No, I didn’t...that’s great.	That’s the kind of thing you can really build on...
-That’s the kind of thing you can really build on...	Uh huh...
-Uh huh...	I mean sales has always been a feeder for M and A, always...
-Here we are, mag wheels...  Hey Jack, are you sure you’re okay?	Well, I’m just a little confused right now about why I work here...
-Kate’s on two, Jack.  Nice ride...	If you’re into that kind of conspicuous consumption...
-If you’re into that kind of conspicuous consumption...	You want me to handle him?  I think I’m ready...
-Why don’t you let me take this one, Kenny?	Okay, chief.
-Merry Christmas, Mr. Campbell.	How’d you do this year, Tony?
-How’d you do this year, Tony?	About four grand.  And a bottle of twenty five year old scotch from Mrs. Johnson in 9D.  I’m putting it all in commercial paper like you said.
-About four grand.  And a bottle of twenty five year old scotch from Mrs. Johnson in 9D.  I’m putting it all in commercial paper like you said.	Just until the Deutsche Mark turns...
-Sorry, pal.  Entrance is for residents and guests only...	What are you talking about?  It’s me, Jack Campbell.  Penthouse C. I put you into commercial paper!
-What are you talking about?  It’s me, Jack Campbell.  Penthouse C. I put you into commercial paper!	Uh-huh...
-Every one of these songs will remind you of me in a slightly different way...	All in one tape?
-All in one tape?	I also put side two of London Calling on there...
-I have a bad feeling about this.	About the plane? What do you think it’s gonna crash? Don’t say that...
-About the plane? What do you think it’s gonna crash? Don’t say that...	I know we’ve talked about this a thousand times and we both agree that going to London is the right thing to do. But in my heart... this feels wrong.
-Don’t  go, Jack...	You mean don’t go at all? What about my internship?
-You mean don’t go at all? What about my internship?	Believe me I know what an incredible opportunity this is for you...
-Believe me I know what an incredible opportunity this is for you...	For us, Kate.
-For us, Kate.	Right, for us. But...I’m afraid that if you get on that plane...
-Right, for us. But...I’m afraid that if you get on that plane...	What?
-Go. I’m sorry, you should just go...	No, you’re right.  What are we doing?
-No, you’re right.  What are we doing?	We're being responsible.  Go. Get on the plane.
-I can't seem to let go of you...	You hear me complaining about that?
-Are you okay?	Yeah...fine.
-What kind of man does that!?	I don’t know!  Please stop yelling at me!
-Where were you?	I was in the city.
-I was in the city.	The city?  New York City?  Why?
-The city?  New York City?  Why?	Because that’s where I live.
-Because that’s where I live.	Jack...don’t even start...
-Jack...don’t even start...	Look, you don’t understand.  I woke up here...and this is very strange ...this is not my house...
-Look, we don’t have time for this right now, we’ll talk about it later.  Now get dressed...  You’re not wearing that to the Thompsons’ party. I don’t care how hilarious you think it is...	Party?  Oh no, I can’t go to a party...
-Party?  Oh no, I can’t go to a party...	You look forward to this party all year.  What’s with you today?
-You look forward to this party all year.  What’s with you today?	Trust me on this Kate.  I really don’t think going to a party is the right move for me at the present time.
-What are you doing?	Telling my mother she doesn’t have to stay with the kids.
-Telling my mother she doesn’t have to stay with the kids.	Why not?
-Why not?	Because you’ll be here.
-Christ...  Where the hell is the bathroom?	Funny, Jack.  I’m laughing on the inside.
-Yes, I’m fine.  It’s just this god awful football phone!  Who has a phone like this anyway?!	Uh huh...
-Jack...	Pro bono.  You don’t get paid at all.  Nobody makes a dime.  Well, bravo...
-Here you go...	You’re kidding me...
-You’re kidding me...	She’s your dog, Jack.
-She’s your dog, Jack.	No, she’s not.
-No, she’s not.	Fine, she’s the kid’s dog.  Let’s go wake Josh, see if he wants to walk her.
-Fine, she’s the kid’s dog.  Let’s go wake Josh, see if he wants to walk her.	But it’s twenty degrees outside...
-But it’s twenty degrees outside...	You’re having a bad day, I’ll go with you...actually, there’s no way in hell you’re gettin’ me back out there...
-Hello!	...my feet are hurtin’...
-...my feet are hurtin’...	HEY!
-Uh...that baby’s crying...	And...?
-Jack.  I said the kids are asleep...	Well that’s just great...those little monkeys can be a real handful...
-Hey!  I was watching that!	I thought we had a deal about you watching CNBC in bed.
-I thought we had a deal about you watching CNBC in bed.	I’m working on a new deal now...
-Wait a second.  You want me, don’t you?	That is the general idea, yes...
-Shouldn’t we grab some dinner first?  Maybe a bottle of wine...?	It’s ten thirty, Jack. By eleven you’re gonna be sprawled out on the bed snoring your head off. We don’t have time for wining and dining.
-It’s ten thirty, Jack. By eleven you’re gonna be sprawled out on the bed snoring your head off. We don’t have time for wining and dining.	Whatever you say...honey.
-Thanks, Jack...	No, I’m serious...you’re really stunning...
-No, I’m serious...you’re really stunning...	This is good stuff, Jack, keep it coming...
-This is good stuff, Jack, keep it coming...	I mean back in college, you were a very pretty girl, there’s no question about that.  But this...  ...you’ve really grown into a beautiful woman...
-How can you do that?	Do what?
-Do what?	Look at me like you haven’t seen me every day for the last twelve years...
-I mean...wow...off the charts great.	It’s an unbelievable thing.  Wearing this suit actually makes me feel like a better person.  I’m gonna buy it...
-$2,400?!  Are you out of your mind?	She got those shoes...
-She got those shoes...	Those shoes were twenty five dollars.  C’mon, take it off.  We’ll go to the food court and get one of those funnel cakes you like.
-No?	Do you have any idea what my life is like?
-Do you have any idea what my life is like?	Excuse me?
-Excuse me?	I wake up in the morning covered in dog saliva...I drop the kids off, spend eight hours selling tires retail...retail, Kate.
-I pick up the kids, walk the dog, which by the way, carries the added bonus of carting away her monstrous crap...I play with the kids, take out the garbage, get six hours of sleep if I’m lucky, and then it starts all over again...and why is it that I always have to drive everyone everywhere?  I spend practically my entire day in that slow as hell mini-van listening to Raffi tapes and trying to figure out how the cup holders work...I’m sick of it.	Really.
-Really.	What’s in it for me? Where are my Mary Janes?
-It’s sad to hear your life is such a disappointment to you, Jack.	I can’t believe it’s not a disappointment to you!  Jesus, Kate, I could’ve been a thousand times the man I became.  How could you do this to me?  How could you let me give up on my dreams like this?!
-Look, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I was such a saint before and I’m such a prick now.  Maybe I’m just not the same guy I was when we got married...	Maybe you’re not.  The Jack Campbell I married wouldn’t need a $2400 suit to make himself feel better about his life, but if that’s what it’s gonna take, then buy it. Just buy the goddamn suit ...we can take the money out of the kids’ college fund.
-Well...Annie for one.	Surprise.  We’re pregnant...  Yeah...that must’ve been...I mean that was very unexpected.  But what are you gonna do, right?
-Surprise.  We’re pregnant...  Yeah...that must’ve been...I mean that was very unexpected.  But what are you gonna do, right?	I think it worked out okay, don’t you?
-I think it worked out okay, don’t you?	Sure.  I really like Annie.
-Sure.  I really like Annie.	Good, Jack.  Maybe we’ll keep her.
-Good, Jack.  Maybe we’ll keep her.	No, I love Annie.  We had a lot of good times, didn’t we?
-No, I love Annie.  We had a lot of good times, didn’t we?	We were young...  Remember that little place on Charles Street we used to go to?
-We were young...  Remember that little place on Charles Street we used to go to?	Charles Street?  In the Village?  When we were living in Greenwich Village...?  Great times.  Why’d we ever leave?
-Charles Street?  In the Village?  When we were living in Greenwich Village...?  Great times.  Why’d we ever leave?	You can’t really raise a kid in an apartment in the Village...
-The trek out to the hospital every day didn’t help either...  You were great. Surviving the heart attack was one thing...	You had a heart attack?
-You had a heart attack?	Jack, stop that. I'm still mad at you...  ...who knows what would’ve happened if you hadn’t stepped in at the store.
-Jack, stop that. I'm still mad at you...  ...who knows what would’ve happened if you hadn’t stepped in at the store.	That’s why I work for Big Ed?
-Our life in a nutshell...	If you want to look at it that way...
-If you want to look at it that way...	How would you look at it?
-How was the game, honey?	Long, boring, and generally pretty sad. Arnie seemed to enjoy it...  Hey, where’s that chocolate cake...?
-You mean this chocolate cake?	That’s my piece.  I was saving it because I got nauseated from that store bought chicken.
-C’mon.	Sorry, Jack.  It’s too important to me.
-You want the cake!?	I want it...
-Thank you...	It’s good, right?
-Say it, Jack...	What...?
-What...?	C’mon, you know what I like to hear...
-C’mon, you know what I like to hear...	Yeah, baby, I know what you like to hear...
-Yeah, baby, I know what you like to hear...	Then say it...just say it to me...!
-Then say it...just say it to me...!	Oh yeah, you’re a bad girl, baby... You make me so hot...I’m gonna take you to that special place...
-Not it...?	Nice, Jack.  You’re sweeping me off my feet.
-Nice, Jack.  You’re sweeping me off my feet.	What? You make me hot...
-Jack.	Wait a minute.  You’re my wife?
-Maybe I should wait...	No, open it...
-I found it at an outlet store.  I know it’s a knock-off, but I think it’ll look great on you...	Zeena...
-You really are incredible...	Enjoy it, sweetheart...
-Here’s the thing.  I really hadn’t planned on giving you your...uh... anniversary gift until tonight.  You know, anniversary’s good all day...	What are you talking about?  You never wait all day.  You can barely wait until it’s light out.
-What are you talking about?  You never wait all day.  You can barely wait until it’s light out.	I know that, but...
-You actually forgot our anniversary.	I’ll fix it.  I’ll go out right now and get you something.  I’ll make it right.
-Jack...can we afford all this?	What’s the difference? I’m taking my baby out for our anniversary, damn the costs...
-What’s the difference? I’m taking my baby out for our anniversary, damn the costs...	How do you even know about this place?
-You are so not off the hook yet, slick.	But I’m gettin’ close, right?
-I need to tell you something.	Okay...
-Okay...	I think it may help us but there’s a slight chance it could make things worse.
-Now I’m worried...just say it.  Whatever it is we’ll deal with it.	Are you sure?
-I used to be so sure about everything, you know?  I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted. Then one morning I woke up and suddenly it was all different...	Worse, you mean...
-Worse, you mean...	No.  Well, maybe a few things.  But mostly just different...
-I never used to be like this, Kate.  I had it all figured out.  No doubts, no regrets.	And now...?
-And now...?	Now...I don’t...
-I think it’s good to be a little unsure about who you are.  It’s very human.	But you always seem so certain.
-But you always seem so certain.	C’mon, Jack, you think there aren’t mornings when I wake up and wonder what the hell I’m doing in New Jersey...
-C’mon, Jack, you think there aren’t mornings when I wake up and wonder what the hell I’m doing in New Jersey...	That’s a big one for me, too.
-That’s a big one for me, too.	My office is a dump, I answer my own phone...and you’ve seen my pay check.
-My office is a dump, I answer my own phone...and you’ve seen my pay check.	Your pay check is a disgrace to pay checks.
-Your pay check is a disgrace to pay checks.	I mean yes, I help people that need it...
-I mean yes, I help people that need it...	I guess...some of them are probably faking.
-I guess...some of them are probably faking.	God, sometimes I think it would be so nice not to have to stretch ground beef or maybe drive a car with a CD player...
-Imagine having a life where everything was easy...where you asked for things and people just brought them to you...	It’s wonderful...
-Good things...	What are you sure about?
-You know champagne makes me do crazy things.	I’ll just full yours up to the top.  Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
-I don’t know how you did it, hoss, but you pulled it off.	I’m out of the doghouse?
-I’m out of the doghouse?	Way out...
-You’re so...beautiful...	I already told you you were gonna get lucky, Jack...
-My god, all this time...I never stopped loving you...	That’s all I wanted to hear...
-I could stay here forever...	I don’t think I’d fight you on that one...
-Pretty incredible, isn’t it?	It’s like a museum.
-So what’s the big surprise? You didn’t rent this place for the weekend, did you?	Think bigger.
-Think bigger.	For the week?
-This place is a perk, Kate.	A perk for what?
-A perk for what?	A company called P.K. Lassiter and Associates Investment House uses it to attract new executives...
-You’re talking to their new Vice President of Mergers and Acquisitions.	What are you talking about, Jack?
-Are you out of your mind?	I don’t think so. This is going to be a better life for all of us, honey.  We’ll put Annie and Josh in private schools...
-I don’t think so. This is going to be a better life for all of us, honey.  We’ll put Annie and Josh in private schools...	Annie goes to a great school.
-Annie goes to a great school.	I’m talking about the best schools in the country here, Kate...
-I’m talking about the best schools in the country here, Kate...	Jack, what could you possibly be thinking? What about my job?
-Jack, what could you possibly be thinking? What about my job?	This is New York City, it’s like the needy people capital of the world.  Those Jersey clients of yours aren’t a tenth as pathetic as the ones you could get here...
-This is New York City, it’s like the needy people capital of the world.  Those Jersey clients of yours aren’t a tenth as pathetic as the ones you could get here...	I can’t believe you want to move back into the city.  I thought the reason we left was because we didn’t want to raise the kids here?
-I can’t believe you want to move back into the city.  I thought the reason we left was because we didn’t want to raise the kids here?	No, this is the center of the universe.  If I were living in Roman times, I would live in Rome, where else?  Today, America is the Roman Empire and New York is Rome itself. John Lennon.
-No, this is the center of the universe.  If I were living in Roman times, I would live in Rome, where else?  Today, America is the Roman Empire and New York is Rome itself. John Lennon.	Jack.
-I can do that.  I want to do that.  For all of us. I need to do that as a man...  Think about it.  No more lousy restaurants, no more clipping coupons, no more shoveling snow...	Then get a goddamn snow blower!
-Don’t do that...	Look, you’re making this into something it’s not. This isn’t a referendum on our lives, Kate. It’s a step forward...  Don’t you see?  I’m talking about us finally having a life other people envy.
-It’s been interesting, that’s for sure.	But I’ve done some good things too, haven’t I?
-But I’ve done some good things too, haven’t I?	You’ve been Jack Campbell.  And that’s always a good thing...
-I need you to remember me, Kate.  How I am right now, right this very moment.  I need you to put that image in your heart and keep it with you, no matter what happens.	Are you okay, Jack?
-Are you okay, Jack?	Please, just promise me you’ll do that. You have to promise, Kate. Because if you don’t, then it’s like it never happened and I don’t think I could live with that.
-I promise, Jack...	Promise me again...
-Promise me again...	I promise. Come to bed, honey.
-Kate...	Jack...God, it’s been so long...You look...
-You look great.	It’s good to see you...
-I'm sorry...	Don’t worry about it, Jack...
-What’s going on?	I’m moving to Paris...it was right here...  It’s a box marked “Jack.”  I put it in the stack for the Salvation Army...
-I’m moving to Paris...it was right here...  It’s a box marked “Jack.”  I put it in the stack for the Salvation Army...	Paris?
-You’re moving...	Uh huh. To Paris. My firm has an office there and I’m going to be heading it up.
-Uh huh. To Paris. My firm has an office there and I’m going to be heading it up.	To Paris. Paris, France.
-To Paris. Paris, France.	That’s the one...
-That’s the one...	So you’re not at a non- profit firm?
-So you’re not at a non- profit firm?	Not with what they pay me...
-Not with what they pay me...	You’re not married, are you?
-You’re not married, are you?	No, Jack, I never got married. You?
-No, Jack, I never got married. You?	Not exactly...  Can we just take a minute here?  Maybe get a cup of coffee or something...?
-You can’t go!	Jesus, Jack...
-Jesus, Jack...	Don’t get on that plane!
-Don’t get on that plane!	Jack.
-Jack.	Please. Let’s just go have a cup of coffee. That’s all I’m asking for. I’m sure there’s another flight to Paris tonight.
-Please. Let’s just go have a cup of coffee. That’s all I’m asking for. I’m sure there’s another flight to Paris tonight.	What do you want from me? You want me to tell you everything that happened was okay?
-Don’t do this, Jack... But he continues...	We have two kids, Annie and Josh...
-Mrs. Peterson.	Hello Jack.  You don’t have to stop singing on my account...
-Hello Jack.  You don’t have to stop singing on my account...	It’s because I’m shy, Betty.  So, when are you going to leave that old corpse Mr. Peterson and run away with me?
-It’s because I’m shy, Betty.  So, when are you going to leave that old corpse Mr. Peterson and run away with me?	You know you could never satisfy me the way he does...
-No...	Thank you, Betty.  I know if I can just sleep this off, I’ll be fine...
-Thank you, Betty.  I know if I can just sleep this off, I’ll be fine...	And sleep you shall. Noblesse oblige is not dead.  Not yet anyway...Come, let’s get you some help.  Surely there must be a shelter somewhere in this city.
-And sleep you shall. Noblesse oblige is not dead.  Not yet anyway...Come, let’s get you some help.  Surely there must be a shelter somewhere in this city.	A shelter?!  I’m the richest guy in the building...I’ve got twice the square footage you have!
-Peter.  I don't see you rushing home to trim the tree.	That's because I'm a heartless bastard who only cares about money.
-That's because I'm a heartless bastard who only cares about money.	And God love you for it.
-I just got a call from Terry Haight.  Bob Thomas is nervous...	That'll happen when you're about to spend thirty billion dollars on some aspirin...
-That'll happen when you're about to spend thirty billion dollars on some aspirin...	Someone's gonna have to nurse him through this.
-Someone's gonna have to nurse him through this.	Why are you staring at my breasts, Peter?
-Why are you staring at my breasts, Peter?	I need you, tiger..
-I need you, tiger..	Where is he?
-Where is he?	Aspen.
-Hey Peter, lemme ask you a question.  An old girlfriend calls you out of the blue on Christmas Eve...	You suddenly having trouble getting dates?
-You suddenly having trouble getting dates?	Not by a long shot.
-Not by a long shot.	Then leave it in the past. Old flames are like old tax returns.  You keep `em in the file cabinet for three years and then you cut `em loose.
-Peter Lassiter...	Do I know you?
-Do I know you?	Not exactly. I’ve seen you on CNBC.  You look taller in real life...
-...we’re really more of a boutique operation, as you can see...	But you’re not interested in boutique dollars...  I get it...
-He certainly has your number, Alan.	You’re a little tougher, Peter.
-For one thing, you like expensive things.	That’s easy. You’ve seen my car.
-That’s easy. You’ve seen my car.	Okay...you smoke Hoyo de Monterreys. You’re a scotch man, single malt, not because it’s trendy but because you’ve been doing it for forty years, and you stay with what works. You have two great loves in your life, your horses and this company. You wept openly the day the Dow hit ten thousand...
-For the money, they’re hands down the best radial we carry...	Okay, I’ll take them...
-Okay, I’ll take them...	You won’t regret it...  Tommy!  Set Mr. Conlin up with four B.F. Goodrich G-Force T/A’s...  ...and give him ten percent off for having the best costume...
-Can I help you?	Is Kate here? Does Kate live here?!
-Is Kate here? Does Kate live here?!	Kate? No, there’s no one here named Kate.  Is that good enough for you?
-Damn...damn...damn...	Hey, are you okay?
-Hey, are you okay?	No...I’m not...
-No...I’m not...	Is there anything I can do for you?
-Hey, my wife’s in the kitchen. You got a cigarette?	I’m sorry, no...
-Did you really mean what you said about Tuscany?	Of course I did.
-Of course I did.	Last night was great...
-Last night was great...	You are an amazing lover.  You should be giving motivational seminars.
-You are an amazing lover.  You should be giving motivational seminars.	Thanks.  You're not bad yourself...
-I want to see you again.	I'd like that, too.
-I'd like that, too.	Tonight.
-It's Christmas Eve, Jack.	So we'll get egg nog.
-I have to go to my parents' house out in Jersey.  Would you like to come?	Jersey?  You know what the traffic's gonna be like?
-Jersey?  You know what the traffic's gonna be like?	I'm taking the train...
-Don't you have anywhere to go?	I've got plenty of places to go.
-Maybe I can try and sneak away some time tomorrow morning...  Okay?	If it's something you feel strongly about.
-That’s totally see through...	Merry Christmas...
-Merry Christmas...	Christmas?  It can’t be Christmas...
-Do you want me to look for the box or call the airline?	Hey, kind of under a little pressure here.
-Hey, kind of under a little pressure here.	Hey, kind of giving up Christmas day for my ex-boss here.
-You didn’t seem to mind offering to help me on Christmas day when you were unwrapping that Prada bag I gave you.	Maybe it’s by the wardrobe boxes...
-I’ll go for a cup of coffee!	Yes!
-I found it!	Congratulations. The La Guardia flight’s canceled but I got you out of Kennedy on United at nine. Am I good or what?
-You know, you could'a run an ad in the personals.	"""Sensual blind chick seeks three-ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship."""
-"""Sensual blind chick seeks three-ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship."""	This ain't permanent.  My friend Reed's working on a cure...I think.
-You don't know what it's like out there.  Walking around like some kind of circus freak.  People staring, whispering --	I wouldn't know anything about that.
-I wouldn't know anything about that.	I mean...
-I mean...	Tell me.  When you grew up in Brooklyn, how many astronauts did you know?  You went your own way then.  You didn't listen to people.  So why start now...?
-I don't think She's real big on hate.	You wouldn't say that, if you could see me.
-Such a sad face... You know, sometimes being different isn't a bad thing.	Trust me, this ain't one of those times.
-How'd you know it was me?	I'm blind, not deaf.  Wanna come in?
-I'm not really dressed for a party.	Relax, it's casual.
-Relax, it's casual.	No, I mean...I'm a little...dusty...
-Those yours too?	My step-dad's.  I'm strictly into stone.  I was wondering when you'd walk by.
-We're going to have to work on your touch.	I like the sound of that.
-Good thing it ain't workin... Reed, what are we doing here?  This guy's fast-food, strip-mall science --	This wasn't our first stop, in case you forgot NASA.  And Victor's not that bad.  He's just a little...  Larger than life.
-He's financed some of the biggest breakthroughs of this century.	You'd never know it.
-I can't take this.	Ben.  This is business.  Just work.
-What about his first born?	Ben, the money's not important.  We could save lives.
-He knew about NASA.  What if he made the call to shut us down --	Ben, think about all the people we can help if this works --
-Ben, think about all the people we can help if this works --	Maybe you should think about yourself for once.  You always let this guy push you round --
-Maybe you should think about yourself for once.  You always let this guy push you round --	We got what we wanted.  That's enough.
-We got what we wanted.  That's enough.	I know, I know.  I'm just worried about what he wants... Speaking of which...
-Can't do it.  I cannot do it.	External SRBs, orbital system engines. Its just like the shuttles you flew in --
-External SRBs, orbital system engines. Its just like the shuttles you flew in --	No.  I cannot take orders from that underwear model.  That wingnut washed out of NASA for sneaking two Victoria Secret wannabes into a flight simulator.
-No.  I cannot take orders from that underwear model.  That wingnut washed out of NASA for sneaking two Victoria Secret wannabes into a flight simulator.	Youthful high spirits.
-They crashed it into a wall.  A flight simulator.	I'm sure he's matured since then.
-When have I asked you to do something you absolutely said you could not do?	Five times.
-Five times.	I had it at four.
-I had it at four.	This makes five.
-Isn't that your speech?	He's made a few changes.
-He's made a few changes.	This is your dream, Reed.  You should be the one up there.
-This is your dream, Reed.  You should be the one up there.	Victor's better at these things.
-The shields on the station should protect us.	Should?
-I ain't done arranging your flowers, egghead.	Ben.  This is serious.  Turn around.
-How long was I out?	Three days.  I was worried about you. How are you feeling?
-Three days.  I was worried about you. How are you feeling?	Solid.
-I don't know.  I just keep going over and over the numbers.	Reed.  Even you can't compute every little thing.
-Reed.  Even you can't compute every little thing.	I should have done more, run more tests --
-You go through something like this, makes you appreciate having the right woman in your life.	Yeah, you and Debbie and perfect --
-Yeah, you and Debbie and perfect --	Reed, I'm not talking about Debbie.
-What?  Come on.  She's got a good thing with Victor --	I'm sorry, did that cosmic-bath loosen your screws?
-I'm sorry, did that cosmic-bath loosen your screws?	He's smart, powerful, successful --
-He's smart, powerful, successful --	Well maybe you should date him.
-Are you alright?	I think I need to lie down.  Bad shrimp.
-What the --!	Ben.  Are you okay?
-Ben.  Are you okay?	Am I okay?!  You wanna explain that?!
-We had a tough year.	Yeah, nine years straight.
-You got a chisel round here?	If we're going to identify the source of the mutation, we need to isolate your recombinant DNA so we can activate positional genomes.
-Okay.  I've uh, got some questions, from Sue.  That she thought might be better coming from me... Can you, you know, go to the bathroom...like normal...	Yeah.  You don't wanna know the details.
-Yeah.  You don't wanna know the details.	Ben, I'm afraid I've got to ask --
-Ben, I'm afraid I've got to ask --	Not unless you want that clipboard stretched up your --
-Not unless you want that clipboard stretched up your --	O-kay.  We'll skip that question.
-It's about to be a broken face.	This isn't permanent, Johnny.  We need to be careful until we're normal again.
-Ben --	Oh, you remember my name do you?  You happen to remember what you swore to do with every breath in your body?
-Oh, you remember my name do you?  You happen to remember what you swore to do with every breath in your body?	We're working as hard as we can --
-We're working as hard as we can --	Yeah.  I can tell.  Victor was right.
-"Glad ""nothing"" could take you away from your work."	Ben, I don't know if this thing'll change us back or make us worse. I need you to be patient for a little while longe--
-Time for your lesson, Vic.  Chem 101: what happens when you supercool hot metal...?  Ben...	Got it, teach.
-Ben, I've been crunching the numbers on the machine.  I think if we can rework the power settings...	Forget it, egghead.  I'm good as is.
-What the hell you smiling at?  Just keep your mouth shut, and your mind on those SMBs --	Actually, the engines are SMEs. Hydrogenbase, carbon propellant. Couple generations past your last ride.  I'm not as dumb as you look.
-If you behave, maybe next time daddy'll let you drive.	Keep talking, there won't be a next time.
-Please tell me your dawg's not trying to rekindle things with my sister.	'Course not.  Strictly business.
-'Course not.  Strictly business.	Yeah, well, his eyes say different.
-Yeah, well, his eyes say different.	Hey, two hearts got busted last time. Maybe she's not over it either.
-Hey, two hearts got busted last time. Maybe she's not over it either.	Let's see: you got Victor, stud of the year, more coin than God?  Or Reed, the world's dumbest smart guy worth less than a postage stamp.  Hmmm, it's a toss-up.
-Let's see: you got Victor, stud of the year, more coin than God?  Or Reed, the world's dumbest smart guy worth less than a postage stamp.  Hmmm, it's a toss-up.	Put your tiny little mind at ease.
-Put your tiny little mind at ease.	Don't you wander off, boy.
-Where...where am I?	Back on Earth.  Victor's medical facility... We're in quarantine.
-Back on Earth.  Victor's medical facility... We're in quarantine.	Reed? ... Sue?
-Reed? ... Sue?	They're fine.  Everybody else...is fine.
-What's wrong with me?	I swear to you they've done everything humanly possible.  The best plastic surgeons in the world, Ben.  You had the best --
-I swear to you they've done everything humanly possible.  The best plastic surgeons in the world, Ben.  You had the best --	Give me a mirror...
-They said that's not such a good idea, the shock alone could --	Give me the god damn mirror!
-Hey!  That's a prototype!	Go back to the drawing board.
-The machine works.  And Vic's gone Mister Hyde on us --	Really?  With a name like Von Doom? Never saw that one coming.
-No more cracks about how I look.	Hey, I'm Mr. Sensitivity now.  Clear the way, wide load coming through.
-I'll be watching over you.	Just get back soon, or I start looking for a new groom.
-Soon as I'm back, I'm gonna trade that in for a bigger rock.	I don't care about rocks, I care about you.  You bring him back in one piece, or you can forget being Best Man.
-Deb... It's me.  I need you to step out front.	Out front?  You home, baby?  I got a surprise for you.
-Ben?	"Don't come any closer for a sec.  This is gonna be kind of a shock... You remember when we said ""together forever no matter what""?"
-"Don't come any closer for a sec.  This is gonna be kind of a shock... You remember when we said ""together forever no matter what""?"	Baby, you're scaring me.
-Oh my G-g-g.  What did you...do to Ben?	Deb, it's me.  It's still me.
-What did you wish for, honey?	I already got it.  Everything I want.
-What are you doing here?	I'm worried about you.
-I'm worried about you.	About me?  How sweet.
-About me?  How sweet.	Come on.  Let me buy you something to eat.  Looks like you could use the company.
-Ben, come in.	What is this?  Where's Reed?
-What is this?  Where's Reed?	Where do you think?  With Sue.
-What do you want, Vic?	To help you.  I've run every test known to man.  And they all yield the same result: the machine is ready.
-Reed said it'd be weeks till --	He also said we'd avoid that storm in space.  And we know how that turned out.
-"He couldn't generate enough power for the machine to reach critical mass. Yet another mistake for ""Mr. Fantastic."""	And you can?  Power it up?
-Way to not overthink it.  So when do we leave?	I'll schedule the launch.  Call me in the morning to talk about resources and crew.
-I can handle the ship.  I can even handle Mr. Blonde Ambition.  But I don't know if I should be flying or playing Vegas in these suits.  Who the hell came up with them?	Victor did.
-We can monitor the cloud's approach and observe the tests from here.	Is it safe?
-I can only stay for one drink, Ben. I've got to meet with Victor.	Wouldn't want to keep Vic waiting.
-We need to give you a physical, so we know what got zapped.	Well why didn't you say so?  You want me to lift some weights or something?
-You look like an eighties rock band.	The suit will stretch.  You should try it --
-The suit will stretch.  You should try it --	I wouldn't be caught dead in that.
-He didn't.	Oh, he did.
-Oh, he did.	What did he do to the uniform?!
-He didn't mean it.  You know Johnny. He's always been a hothead --	It's not him.  It's them.  I can't live like this.
-It's not him.  It's them.  I can't live like this.	Just give Reed a little more time. You know how he works -- analyzing every little step before he takes one --
-Just give Reed a little more time. You know how he works -- analyzing every little step before he takes one --	It's easy for you to be patient.
-It's easy for you to be patient.	No, it's not.  I thought I was done waiting for Reed... We're all in this together now, Ben.
-Where is Reed?	Victor must've taken him.
-Your tissue, your organs, your entire biophysical structure is changing. Every system is still functioning, somehow --	And they're changing into...
-And they're changing into...	I don't really know.  A compound organic-metallic alloy.  Stronger than titanium or carbon steel.  Harder than diamonds --
-I don't really know.  A compound organic-metallic alloy.  Stronger than titanium or carbon steel.  Harder than diamonds --	Like the shields Reed said would protect us.  How long?
-Like the shields Reed said would protect us.  How long?	At this rate, the infection should be complete in two, maybe three weeks --
-At this rate, the infection should be complete in two, maybe three weeks --	"What do you mean ""complete""?"
-"What do you mean ""complete""?"	I wish I could tell you.  I can't pretend to know what we're dealing with here.  I'll notify the CDC and --
-What?	The Center for Disease Control.  If this thing is contagious --
-But...this disease...is progressive... degenerative...	That's terrible news...
-Victor's right.  Johnny, get to the command center.  Close the shields.	What about you?
-He's not responsive --	Ben!  Ben!
-Now what is up with that?	The cloud has fundamentally altered our DNA.
-The cloud has fundamentally altered our DNA.	Cool.  What'd it do to you guys?
-Oh, you dawg you.  Better not be my nurse!	Ben, are you there?
-This is wrong in so many ways.	You've been working out.
-Ben Grimm is a genuine American hero who's been through a terrible orde--	What he's trying to say is: every team needs a mascot...
-Twenty?  From outside the place looks a lot taller.	Oh, it is.
-We should stay here until we can define the extent of our changes...	This place is deluxe.  You got cable?
-This place is deluxe.  You got cable?	...and figure out how to reverse them. Let me show you to your rooms.
-Back it down, Johnny!	I can go hotter!
-Not only could you kill yourself, but you could set fire to Earth's atmosphere and destroy all human life as we know it.	Gotcha.  Okay.  Supernova bad.
-Is there something about flames? About flaming, that you --	What are you trying to say?  Just because I dress well and like to dance --
-What are you trying to say?  Just because I dress well and like to dance --	What?  No.  I'm trying to figure out why we each ended up with different symptoms.
-What?  No.  I'm trying to figure out why we each ended up with different symptoms.	Oh, well that's easy: I'm hot. You're...well, you're a little limp. Sue's easy to see through.  And Ben's always been a hardass.  Why aren't you writing this down?
-He's right.  These costumes are... missing something.  I can't put my finger on it --	They're not costumes.
-That's what I'm trying to calculate. And it's not rubber.  It's muscle, tendon.  I seem to have the ability to manipulate the malleability of my molecular structure and redistribute my density to --	Right, whatever, have fun.
-You need to control yourself and think before you --	Act.  Here we go again.  Reed, what if we got these gifts for a reason?  What if we have some, you know...like, calling?
-Act.  Here we go again.  Reed, what if we got these gifts for a reason?  What if we have some, you know...like, calling?	A higher calling like getting girls and making money?
-Johnny.  SUPERNOVA.	But all these people...
-But all these people...	Now.
-And where do we think we're going?	"I don't know if ""we've"" noticed, but the sickest runs this side of the Alps are right outside that window --"
-You're hot!	So are you!
-So are you!	I mean, you feel a little feverish.
-I mean, you feel a little feverish.	I've never felt better in my life. When do you get off work?
-I've never felt better in my life. When do you get off work?	My shift ends at four, but I couldn't --
-My shift ends at four, but I couldn't --	Meet me at 4:01, top of the run. That'll give you a minute to freshen up.
-Me like-y.	Stay right.  Left is trouble.
-Stay right.  Left is trouble.	I though we went over this.
-I though we went over this.	Last one down springs for room service.
-You're on fire!	Not this again --
-Not this again --	No: You're ON FIRE!
-The synthetics act as a second skin, adapting to your individual needs to --	Keep the hot side hot, and the cool side cool!
-Apparently I can disappear.	Please tell me you go silent too.
-Flame on, flame off.  Flame on, flame off --	Johnny.
-Stop it.	"Okay, ""mom."""
-What is that thing?	I think that thing is Ben.
-Wait.  You mean there's chance we could be full-on-24-7-fantastic?	Grow up, Johnny.  You want to run around on fire for the rest of your life?
-Grow up, Johnny.  You want to run around on fire for the rest of your life?	Is that a trick question?  C'mon, I can't be the only one who thinks this is cool.
-You're really cramping my style here.	You were at 4000 Kelvin.  Any hotter, you're approaching supernova --
-You were at 4000 Kelvin.  Any hotter, you're approaching supernova --	Sweet.
-Sweet.	That's the temperature of the sun.
-Uh, we call my sister the invisible girl...the Invisible Girl.	Girl...?!
-I'm driving.	Dude.  That's my sister.
-You're gonna pay for that, Pebbles.  What?!	"You gave us names?  What are you, the ""face"" of the Fantastic Four now?"
-You two need a time-out.	Blockhead started it!
-Johnny?  Did you see Ben?	Yeah, for the last time, I hope.  I'm done with this freak show.  I'm moving back to the real world.
-Yeah, for the last time, I hope.  I'm done with this freak show.  I'm moving back to the real world.	"Is that what you call it?  ""Real""?"
-"Is that what you call it?  ""Real""?"	At least it beats living in a lab like somebody's science project.
-Johnny, slow down.  Think.  You know mom didn't raise us to --	Look around, sis!  She's not here.  So you can stop talking to me like I'm your little boy --
-Look around, sis!  She's not here.  So you can stop talking to me like I'm your little boy --	As soon as you stop acting like one. Come on, you're smarter than this. You think those people out there care about you?  You're just a fad to them.
-I'm sorry, sis, for leaving you guys --	No, I'm sorry, for pushing you out.
-What are you doing --	Sis.  Let me take care of you for once.
-Sis.  Let me take care of you for once.	But Johnny...you can't fly.
-If Reed's right, then this little trip will double our stock offering.	And if he's not...?
-And if he's not...?	Reed's always right.  Good thing he doesn't always know what he's got...
-They're ready for you, sir.	Showtime.
-Our numbers are through the roof.  The IPO's tracking at fifty, sixty a share.  The bank's five times oversubscribed --	It's not just the money.  I could make money in my sleep.
-It's not just the money.  I could make money in my sleep.	Then what is it?
-Then what is it?	History, Leonard.  History. Everything else is conversation...  How's the other matter?
-Leonard, how's the feed?	Recording, sir.  We see you perfectly.
-How's the IPO?	Stable.  We're looking at low twenties.  It's a good number, considering the fallout from --
-Stable.  We're looking at low twenties.  It's a good number, considering the fallout from --	Reed's disaster.  You know, I half- think he did this to me on purpose.
-Reed's disaster.  You know, I half- think he did this to me on purpose.	Sir, I'm sure he wouldn't put himself --
-Get me on the AM shows, Larry King, cover of the Journal...  I've got to do something about this scar.  Make sure they only shoot my right side.	"Actually, uh, people seem to think the scar ""humanizes"" you."
-"Actually, uh, people seem to think the scar ""humanizes"" you."	And that's a good thing?
-You know, maybe you should get some rest --	Later.  First, I've got some unfinished business.  A deal that needs closing...
-Sir, I've always wondered... Why Sue? You could have any woman in the world but --	"That's why.  Because I could have any other woman... You know, when they asked Caesar ""why England,"" he said, ""because it's not mine."""
-Make sure you find Ben, bring him back here.  And keep it quiet.  I don't need this to hit the press.	Yes sir.  You've got the Mayor at eight, then a nine-thirty interview with the Journal --
-Yes sir.  You've got the Mayor at eight, then a nine-thirty interview with the Journal --	Front page?
-Front page?	Top left, like you asked.  Today Wall Street.  Tomorrow, who knows...maybe Washington.
-But dreams don't pay the bills, do they?  Same old Reed, the hopeless optimist. Still reaching for the stars, with the world on your back.	You remember in school we talked about working together.  That's what I was about to explain...
-This isn't going to be a problem, is it?	Not at all.
-You back this mission, and I'll sign over a fair percentage of any applications or --	The number's seventy-five.  And it's applications and patents.
-Funny how things turn out, isn't it?	Hilarious.
-Got it.  So take a walk, Ben...I'm going to borrow Susan for a second.	Sure.
-We've got minutes until it hits, not hours...Victor, that storm's deadly -- the radiation's lethal.  We need to abort.	Get a grip.  Reed.  We didn't come all this way to lose our nerve at the first little glitch.  Just close the shields...
-Get a grip.  Reed.  We didn't come all this way to lose our nerve at the first little glitch.  Just close the shields...	Ben's still out there --
-Ben's still out there --	So reel him in.  But we came here to do a job.  So let's do it.  Quickly.
-Come on, Ben, come on...	Reed, we're running out of time.
-Not until Ben is back inside!	It's too late for him, and soon it'll be too late for all of us.
-Just a little banged up.  A couple scrapes.  Why?	Ben did this.
-Ben did this.	Ben did this?
-Ben did this?	He's had some kind of...reaction to exposure from the cloud.  And he's not the only one.
-I'm starting to wonder the same thing... How much do you know about what happened to you?	Not much.  We need to run tests to see the extent of the damage.
-Didn't go as planned?  It was a catastrophe.  You ruined the lives of four people --	I ruined?  With all due respect, I told you to abort --
-I ruined?  With all due respect, I told you to abort --	Abort?  Reed, I put my company, my name, billions of dollars on the line, and I will not let you make me look like a fool --
-Abort?  Reed, I put my company, my name, billions of dollars on the line, and I will not let you make me look like a fool --	Victor, if we could understand what happened to us --
-Victor, if we could understand what happened to us --	I don't want to understand it.  This isn't one of your science projects.  I just want to fix it.  Fast!
-What are you doing here?	What I should have done a long time ago.  Applications and patents, Reed. This all belongs to me.
-But I'm not done with the machine --	Which is precisely the point. Analysis is over.  It's time for action.  My men could have mass- produced this by now.
-You're, you've, I mean, how have you bee--	Never better.
-Those solar winds are flaring, but I factored them into my coordinates and --	I was talking about us.  Working together.
-Well, uh, based on our history...you can handle the biogenetics, and I'll focus on the molecular physics.  Or, uhm, maybe I should take the biotech, you work the microscopes, since you have some background in electropho--	Right.  That's exactly what I meant.
-I, uh, think I remember the number.	It's been changed.
-As far as crew, I was hoping Ben could pilot the mission --	Well, he's welcome to ride shotgun, but we already have a pilot on our payroll.  You remember my brother Johnny...
-Material made from self-regulating unstable molecules.  I've been working on a formula for this.	Great minds think alike.
-Feeling better?	Yes, thanks.
-Yes, thanks.	That's good.  That's uh...good.
-That's good.  That's uh...good.	You always had a way with words.  I should be getting back.
-You're happy for me and Victor.	I can tell you guys are enjoying what was the best part of our relationship --
-I can tell you guys are enjoying what was the best part of our relationship --	Which was?
-Which was?	Passion.
-For science.	You are such a dork, Reed... You never got it and never will unless it's explained to you in quantum physics.
-Uh, Sue...?  I can't.	What?  What do you mean you --
-What?  What do you mean you --	Sue...look at your hands.
-It has to be the cloud.  It's fundamentally altered our DNA.	Let's not jump to conclusions, we need a massive amount of evidence before making that leap.
-What?	We need to get past them.
-Sue.  Your clothes.  Lose them.	What...?  Oh.
-How come Ben can't turn it on and off like us?	That's what we're here to find out.
-That's what we're here to find out.	If it happened to him, then it could...
-"It's not ""invisibility"" per se. You're bending the light around you with some kind of malleable force field.  That's what you projected on the Bridge."	What about you?  You haven't eaten in days.  How come you're never on this side of the microscope?
-You should be able to bend light around other objects, even people, if you could control your emotional state better --	Excuse me?
-I'm saying, if you had a little more self control, you could locate the trigger.  Can you remember the exact emotions when --	Anger.  Rage.  Frustration.
-Anger.  Rage.  Frustration.	Okay.  Is there any way to duplicate that feeling?  Some memory or...
-Okay.  Is there any way to duplicate that feeling?  Some memory or...	I'm sure I can come up with something.
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that... You must think that was some kind of latent hostility or --	What in the world would give me that idea?
-I mean, you broke up with me, right?	Are you kidding?
-Are you kidding?	No, I distinctly remember: you walked out my door.  Ergo...
-Reed.  I was ready for the next step, you weren't, ergo, I walked.	I think it was a little more complicated than --
-I think it was a little more complicated than --	I just wanted to share an apartment. What was so complicated about that?
-There were a lot of variables to consider --	No.  There weren't.  There was you. And me.  No variables, no math.  It was actually the simplest thing in the world.  But your head got in the way... like it always does.
-What are you doing?	The plants, from space.  Their particles are still charged.  With the right amount of energy, those ions could create the elemental profile of the cosmic storm.
-If we can build a machine to re-create the storm, we can reverse the polarity --	And reverse the mutations --
-And reverse the mutations --	Curing countless diseases, not just ours.
-But we're the focus, right Reed? Reed...?	Of course.  Of course.
-Of course.  Of course.	And you sure you can control this thing?  Last time didn't work out so well.
-And you sure you can control this thing?  Last time didn't work out so well.	With the right energy, we can stabilize the storm.  Maybe tie into the city grid...
-Reed.  How close are we to a cure?	No way to know.  Without more tests, experiments.
-Don't let Victor push you into making a mistake --	He was going to take away all my data, equipment --
-He was going to take away all my data, equipment --	Better than your life.  Victor's not the one who has to get into that thing.  We are.
-Which is why I'm working twenty hours a day, checking every variable --	Every variable but yourself.  You don't eat, sleep.  You can't live in your head like --
-Every variable but yourself.  You don't eat, sleep.  You can't live in your head like --	I'm not the only one in there.  I got you, Vic, Ben, Johnny, all rattling around in there.
-I could get Ben to tap into the Baxter's main power to generate enough voltage --	Reed.  Shh.  Just be quiet.  And look up.
-Remember our first date here...?  God, I was so nervous.	You were?
-You were?	Of course I was.  I'd read all your papers on bioethics.  Some of them two times just so I'd have something to say to you.
-You know, I bribed the projectionist ten bucks to keep it open late?	I gave him twenty.
-You always talked about how you liked the kind of man who could approach you...speak his mind.  One who wasn't afraid to tell you what he wanted.	I did.  I did, Reed...but I wanted you to be that man.
-When I walked out, I waited ten minutes outside your door.  Ten. Waiting for you to come find me.	Why didn't you say something?
-Why didn't you say something?	That would have kinda defeated the purpose.  And Reed...  I'm saying it now.
-I can...make it work.	Reed, stop, you need to rest your --
-Reed, stop, you need to rest your --	The power...I need...more power...to control...the storm --
-The power...I need...more power...to control...the storm --	You need a doctor.
-Sue, I need some of that anger, rage, frustration --	I'm sure I can come up with something.
-I found a broken gasket, from space --	A gasket?  Reed, we're at a party.
-It's just business.	I think you both know my Director of Genetic Research, Susan Storm.
-Surprised I agreed to Reed's proposal?	I understand the business reasons.
-I understand the business reasons.	Well, when you're looking at your future, it never hurts to find closure about the past.
-It's been a good two years, Victor... The company's accomplished so much.	Right, of course, the company... But you see, I've come to realize all the accomplishments in the world mean nothing without someone to share them with --
-Right, of course, the company... But you see, I've come to realize all the accomplishments in the world mean nothing without someone to share them with --	Uh, Victor, I hope I haven't done something to make you think...
-Uh, Victor, I hope I haven't done something to make you think...	Sue, I've lived my life unafraid of taking big steps.  And this is the biggest step yet.  If it helps, think of this as a promotion.  A merger of sorts...  Four little words that can change our lives...
-What are you doing?	Raising the shields.
-Raising the shields.	You can't leave them out there.
-What's going on?	Victor, are you feeling alright?
-Victor, I'm sorry I --	Just find him.
-Victor, your scar --	I told you, I'm fine.  It's you I'm worried about.
-I told you, I'm fine.  It's you I'm worried about.	I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to --
-I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to --	Please, no apologies.  I've arranged for your things to be moved to one of my condos.  You'll have round-the clock care.
-You said it was urgent.	It is.  There's something we need to talk about.  Something I need to ask you...
-Victor, wait, slow down a second.  I want you to know I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I just don't --	Susan.  What are you doing?
-He's working round the clock.  But the data needs to be tested, analyzed before --	Same old Reed.  All analysis, no action.  Wasn't that the problem with you two?
-If these molecules aren't stable, they could make us worse, maybe even kill us.	Then why is Reed dragging his feet? Maybe he likes having his prize specimen under glass...  It's ironic, isn't it?  You're finally the perfect woman for him...because you're his science project.
-Please don't make this personal --	Oh, I think you already have.
-Oh, I think you already have.	Victor, we can't do anything until the research is ready.
-'Scuse me.	I know it can't be easy.  Life hasn't changed that much for Reed, Sue and Johnny.  At least they can go out in public.  But for you?  People staring. Whispering behind your back...
-I know it can't be easy.  Life hasn't changed that much for Reed, Sue and Johnny.  At least they can go out in public.  But for you?  People staring. Whispering behind your back...	If you're trying to cheer me up you're doing a helluva job --
-If you're trying to cheer me up you're doing a helluva job --	I'm just saying, I know what it's like to lose something you love.  To see it slip away, and know it's never coming back.
-Reed's gonna fix me up --	For your sake I hope you're right. I'm sorry if that sounds a little skeptical.
-For your sake I hope you're right. I'm sorry if that sounds a little skeptical.	Skeptical...?
-Grant's uniquely qualified for this mission. He's a Communications Expert and was a Frogman during the War. Besides, he brought Benes into this country, and the fewer people who know about him, the better. At any rate, you'll find Grant invaluable, should anything go wrong once you're under way.  Okay, Don.	Here's the overall Target Area...
-Benes' natural defenses. White Corpuscles -- Antibodies. Once you begin to grow -- and become a menace to the body -- you'll trigger them off... MICHAELS With all the unknown factors in the body, I still say risking five lives for one is something we should reconsider --	We understand your concern, but we've made our decision, Doctor. Any questions? Anybody?
-Where do we stand?	Medical's ready.
-Okay to proceed.	Phase Two.
-They've crossed over into the Jugular Vein!	That can't be -- there's no direct connection between the two --
-That can't be -- there's no direct connection between the two --	Normally not. Unless it's an Arterio-Venous Fistula --
-But we have no choice! We've got, to take them out!	No...
-We still have fifty-one minutes. Leave them in.	But it's hopeless! They can't go back and they can't go on. I tell you there's nothing else we can do but remove them!
-But it's hopeless! They can't go back and they can't go on. I tell you there's nothing else we can do but remove them!	Not until the very last second. We must think of something... Something to save the situation.
-Doctor...without killing him -- how long could we stop his heart?	The less time, the better.
-The less time, the better.	I know that. But what's the maximum?
-I know that. But what's the maximum?	In his comatose state...and everything slowed down...no more than sixty seconds.
-At topspeed...and adjusting distance for Degree of Miniaturization --  The sub should get through the Heart in fifty-seven seconds.	That would give us only three seconds to revive him...
-That would give us only three seconds to revive him...	What are the problems in stopping the Heart?
-What are the problems in stopping the Heart?	Nothing -- compared to starting it up again.
- we're stopping the Heart.	Message to Proteus.
-They're in the Pulmonary Artery.	They'll make up some time, once they get through that and reach the Pleural Cavity.  Respiration Post...
-Another delay... With only forty-two minutes left.	It'll be close -- but there's still a margin of safety.
-It'll be close -- but there's still a margin of safety.	Let's find what the devil's holding them up!  Contact the Proteus!
-I told you to cut down on the sugar.	I can't help it. I'm just weak, I guess.
-Time's up... We'll have to take them out immediately.	It means killing Benes...  And for all we know, they may have completed the operation!  Damn it to hell!
-What is it?	That blip we're picking up might only be the radio-active particle. The Proteus may already be destroyed...
-That blip we're picking up might only be the radio-active particle. The Proteus may already be destroyed...	What're you getting at?
-What're you getting at?	If I were in their place and I'd run out of time, I'd abandon the ship before I grew to dangerous size... and use the few extra minutes to get out the quickest way possible, on my own...
-If I were in their place and I'd run out of time, I'd abandon the ship before I grew to dangerous size... and use the few extra minutes to get out the quickest way possible, on my own...	Along the Optic Nerve to the Eye.
-Now how soon can we try Sodium Pentathol?	I'd hold that off awhile.
-I'd hold that off awhile.	Well, how about hypnosis? That can't hurt him!
-Hello, Grant. Good to see you again.	The Pentagon, wasn't it, General? Only you weren't in that uniform...
-Benes... What the devil happened?	The Other Side got to him.
-The Other Side got to him.	How bad off is he?
-How bad off is he?	Brain injury.
-Brain injury.	Before or after what he wanted to tell you?
-Before or after what he wanted to tell you?	Before he could breathe a word. He's the only scientist who knows the answer to what we're after. That's why we have to operate --
--- and why we need you.	?
-I can't even put a Band-Aid on my finger.	Here's the Surgeon.
-Duval. Dr. Peter Duval. Top brain man in the country. Ever hear of him?	Sorry, but I'm rusty on surgeons. Who's the girl?
-Sorry, but I'm rusty on surgeons. Who's the girl?	Cora Peterson, his Technical Assistant. You'll join Duval and the others --
-Cora Peterson, his Technical Assistant. You'll join Duval and the others --	What can I do? Except maybe pass out?
-Wish I knew why.	Tell him where he fits in, will you? I've got a few things to check out.
-But why take the chance, when there must be other doctors?	We have no choice. Duval's the most skillful brain surgeon in the country, and he's right here, at hand.
-We have no choice. Duval's the most skillful brain surgeon in the country, and he's right here, at hand.	I wouldn't know if he's trying to save him or kill him.
-Right, sir.	Come along, they'll be operating shortly.  See you later, Mike.
-His technician okay? In addition to the Looks Department?	No question of her loyalty.
-I don't mean to be inquisitive. But this  -- for all I know it could stand for ?	.
-.	Say that again?
-General, I've heard some wild ones. But this takes it.	We can shrink an Army -- with all its equipment -- and put it in a bottle cap. That's why we call it .
-We can shrink an Army -- with all its equipment -- and put it in a bottle cap. That's why we call it .	If the Other Side ever gets hold of a thing like that...
-If the Other Side ever gets hold of a thing like that...	They have...  But we've both got the same problem -- lack or control. We can only keep things Miniaturized for exactly sixty minutes. Arter that, everything starts growing back to its original size.
-I assume Benes knows how to control it.	That's right. He wanted us to have the secret, and not them. Which is why they tried to kill him.
-That's right. He wanted us to have the secret, and not them. Which is why they tried to kill him.	They're bound to try again. No wonder they want me to stand by during the operation.
-They're bound to try again. No wonder they want me to stand by during the operation.	And take a little trip with them...
-And take a little trip with them...	Trip? Where to?
-Trip? Where to?	Well, the only way to reach that clot is from inside the Brain. So we've decided to put a Surgical Team and a Crew into a submarine -- reduce it way down in size, and inject it into an Artery --
-Well, the only way to reach that clot is from inside the Brain. So we've decided to put a Surgical Team and a Crew into a submarine -- reduce it way down in size, and inject it into an Artery --	You mean  going along?
-You mean  going along?	As part of the Crew.
-As part of the Crew.	Wait a minute! They can't shrink !
-Wait a minute! They can't shrink !	Grant, our Miniaturizer can shrink anything.
-Grant, our Miniaturizer can shrink anything.	But I don't want to be Miniaturized -- !
-But I don't want to be Miniaturized -- !	It's only for an hour --
-It's only for an hour --	Not even for a minute! General Carter, sir, I'd like you to reconsider your choice. I'm just not the right man for a mission of this kind.
-This is Dr. Duval, our Head Surgeon.	Oh yes, I've heard of you, Doctor.
-There'll be a team of Surgeons standing by. We're prepared to remove you immediately, should anything go wrong. In any event, you must be out within sixty minutes. After that, you'll be in danger of attack.	Attack? Who -- or should I say what from?
-Just one, General...	Yes?
-Yes?	Where can I get a cab back to town?
-Oh yes, great. The only problem is, he can't remember what he came to tell us.	Can't remember?... What do you mean?
-Can't remember?... What do you mean?	He's blanked out on that one particular point.
-Yes, we'd like to get moving.	Why don't you go on. We'll meet you at the Clearance Desk in a few minutes.
-Yes, Alan.	Meet Grant. This is Dr. Michaels, Chief of the Medical Section.
-Meet Grant. This is Dr. Michaels, Chief of the Medical Section.	Glad to have you with us, Mr. Grant.
-[LINE OF DIALOGUE CUT OFF]	I don't agree. Just because he's often difficult --
-I don't agree. Just because he's often difficult --	Difficult? He's impossible!
-Difficult? He's impossible!	That's no reason to suspect him of disloyalty.
-I'll be standing by.  know.	And no matter what happens, you're to take orders  from Dr. Michaels, understand?
-Listen...the Heart.	Yes...slowed down agreat deal.
-I can't imagine how it possibly could have come loose. I distinctly recall fastening it with all four bolts --	It must have been jarred loose during the whirlpool.
-But we just can't leave him in there! What'll happen to him?	We'll know -- in the next breath...
-That's beside the point now.  I don't see the sense of going on.	We must!
-We must!	With no laser --
-You're going out there? With those Antibodies --	No danger of attack, as long as you don't trigger them off by any injury to the System.
-Wouldn't it be quicker if we all helped?	Yes, there's no time to spare. And those fibers can be quite tenacious.
-Doctor...	Yes, Cora.
-Yes, Cora.	I -- I want to say...
-What is it?  Anything wrong?	I just wanted to thank you for taking me along.
-I just wanted to thank you for taking me along.	Thank you for volunteering.
-Never saw . Not even under an electron-mrcroscope.	They're much smaller than bacteria...
-Yes, a fistula too small to show up on the X-rays.	But big enough for us...
-Doctor...you can't mean that! Not when we've come this far. And if we give up, there'll be no way of saving Mr. Benes --	Dr. Michaels is right. We have no choice.
-Air bubbles!... Doctor --	No danger of an embolism. At our reduced scale, they're much too minute to prove fatal to Benes.
-Cora, is something wrong with the laser?	I don't know yet, Doctor. And I won't know until I test it.
-He's making a fine recovery.	He certainly is. He should be up and about in no time.
-Bet you're pretty handy around the house... Can you cook?	We're pushing oxygen today.
-We're pushing oxygen today.	I'll take some Laughing Gas, ma'am.
-I'll take some Laughing Gas, ma'am.	You sound as if you're not looking forward to it.
-You sound as if you're not looking forward to it.	Well, it's not exactly a pleasure cruise.
-Well, it's not exactly a pleasure cruise.	I think it's the most exciting --  We're going to see things no one ever saw before. The actual physical process of Life itself -- not something under a microscope... Just think of it --
-I think it's the most exciting --  We're going to see things no one ever saw before. The actual physical process of Life itself -- not something under a microscope... Just think of it --	That's the trouble. I am. Being shrunk...
-That's the trouble. I am. Being shrunk...	You may learn to like it.
-That'll teach you where to keep your hand.	Now I know...
-That could be quite a lethal weapon... It could kill, not cure.	Not in the hands of a great surgeon like Dr. Duval. The beam of this laser can be regulated to one millionth of a millimeter.
-Not in the hands of a great surgeon like Dr. Duval. The beam of this laser can be regulated to one millionth of a millimeter.	I understand you've been Dr. Duval's Assistant for quite some time... He must've snatched you out of the cradle.
-I understand you've been Dr. Duval's Assistant for quite some time... He must've snatched you out of the cradle.	I've been with him since I got out of school. He brought me into the CMDF, over five years ago.
-I've been with him since I got out of school. He brought me into the CMDF, over five years ago.	A long time, with one man.
-A long time, with one man.	Not working for someone like Dr. Duval --
-I never...never imagined it could be anything...like this.	I always thought it was nothing but red.
--- at which point the Heart will be stopped by electric shock.	And if it should take more time to get through --
-Look at that...they're changing color...	Doctor -- is it possible? That we're seeing it happen before our eyes?
-Looks like you didn't batten it down too well.	But I did. I'm positive!
-Then how come it worked loose?	I have no idea.
-Shouldn't you answer that?	Not now. We need air, not greetings!
-I'll try to hold it from the other side of the wall, while you push from out here. Maybe that'll do it.	You can't --it's too dangerous --
-You must carry spare parts --	Not anything built into the chassis.  If it hadn't come loose --
-If you had a transistor about this size and power output, and a thin enough wire --  -- could you piece it together?	No, it requires such absolute precision --
-No, it requires such absolute precision --	A surgeon might...
-A surgeon might...	Oh yes, I'm sure Dr. Duval could. If we had the parts.
-Oh yes, I'm sure Dr. Duval could. If we had the parts.	I've got a source. All I have to do is tap it.
-Open it! Open it before they get here!	I can't till the hatch is flooded!
-No need to get up --	I feel much better now...
-Thank you for saving my life.	That's what they pay me for.
-That's what they pay me for.	A great deal more than that, I believe...
-Such as?	Keeping an eye on Dr. Duval...
-Keeping an eye on Dr. Duval...	What gives you that idea?
-That's why you're really here. I knew it from the start.	As obvious as that? Our Security people will jump for joy.  I suppose Duval's onto me, too?
-As obvious as that? Our Security people will jump for joy.  I suppose Duval's onto me, too?	You're not the first, but he's much too innocent, much too involved with his work, to realize what's going on around him.
-You're not the first, but he's much too innocent, much too involved with his work, to realize what's going on around him.	Under a cloud without cause, I take it.
-Under a cloud without cause, I take it.	Oh, no. Plenty of cause. He won't follow the herd, or change his convictions -- even when they're not popular. And he believes in an absolutely free interchange of information between scientists of different countries -- and these days, there's nothing more suspicious than that.
-Oh, no. Plenty of cause. He won't follow the herd, or change his convictions -- even when they're not popular. And he believes in an absolutely free interchange of information between scientists of different countries -- and these days, there's nothing more suspicious than that.	Depends on which end of the telescope you look through.
-Depends on which end of the telescope you look through.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	Well, if you happen to be very fond of him -- even in love with him -- it would certainly affect your point of view.
-We better get back to the sub. Every second counts now.	Look! They follow the direction of her glance, are startled to see:
-Doctor, what's wrong?	I can't breathe!... I've got to get out!
-I can't breathe!... I've got to get out!	It's too late now. We must go on.
-Looks like the molecular structure of proteins.	I don't agree. I think we ought to stop and take a sample.
-I don't agree. I think we ought to stop and take a sample.	That's not the purpose of this mission.  Captain -- keep a straight course -- until you're in the clear.
-But that isn't possible.	Not in a sealed vessel like an Artery.  Captain -- something must be wrong with your controls!
-We can't take a second more.	Captain -- head in the d1rection of the flow and drift with it.
-Nothing miraculous about it. Just an interchange of gases. The end product of five hundred million years of Evolution.	You can't believe all that's accidental? That there isn't a Creative Intelligence at work --
-What can we do?	Nothing -- against all that force.
-That puts us right here... Which means we can head straight for the Sub Arachnoid Cavity.	Yes...
-Yes...	If we can go in past the Oculomotor Nerve...
-It's against my better Judgment...	Better Judgment?! To wait until the actual operation -- when it may be too late?
-Better Judgment?! To wait until the actual operation -- when it may be too late?	I've done all I could with the laser.
-I've done all I could with the laser.	All I'm asking is you test it beforehand!
-All I'm asking is you test it beforehand!	If it won't work, it's beyond my power to fix it. But if it does, there's no telling how long it will hold up. It's a jury rig, at best, and we'll need every second of use we can get out of it. That's why I don't want to put any extra strain on the connections by running unnecessary tests.
-If it won't work, it's beyond my power to fix it. But if it does, there's no telling how long it will hold up. It's a jury rig, at best, and we'll need every second of use we can get out of it. That's why I don't want to put any extra strain on the connections by running unnecessary tests.	Dr. Duvall I insist you test the laser.
-Dr. Duvall I insist you test the laser.	I'll do nothing of the sort! The operation is  responsibility! I won't do it, and that's final!
-I'll do nothing of the sort! The operation is  responsibility! I won't do it, and that's final!	As usual, you want everything your way. Except this time there's more than your damned ego at stake.
-As usual, you want everything your way. Except this time there's more than your damned ego at stake.	I know only too well what's in the balance, Doctor. And it's not my ego, damned or otherwise.
-The Soul? The finite mind cannot comprehend Infinity. And the Soul which comes from God is Infinite.	Take a close look at your Soul, and your Infinity, and your God out there --
---and certain chemicals involving proteins --	You left something out.
-You left something out.	What's that?
-What's that?	The Breath of God...
-Removal Point? What're you talking about!	We have no alternative. With only six minutes left, we'll just barely make it.
-Dr. Duval, you are not going through with this! I absolutely forbid it! I'm responsible for the lives of everyone here! I will not allow you or anyone else to leave this ship!	I'm going to do what I can to save Benes.
-The Medieval Philosophers were right...  is the center of the Universe... We stand in the middle of Infinity, between Outer and Inner Space. And there's no limit to either.	You mean Inner Space is endless?
-You mean Inner Space is endless?	Everything can be divided in half, no matter how minute.
-Only to the naked eye.  Those corpuscles -- carrying oxygen -- give the stream its color. But the rest of the plasma's very much like sea water. An ocean of life...	Quite a piece of plumbing.
-I'd hate to get lost on that Freeway...	They all lead to the same place -- the Lungs.
-Mind letting me in on what's going on out there?	A simple exchange, Mr. Grant. Corpuscles releasing carbon dioxide -- the moment they touch the Wall of the Lung -- in return for oxygen coming through from the other side.
-A simple exchange, Mr. Grant. Corpuscles releasing carbon dioxide -- the moment they touch the Wall of the Lung -- in return for oxygen coming through from the other side.	Don't tell me they're refueling...
-Don't tell me they're refueling...	Oxygenation...
-Just a few cells away from a vast air chamber -- one of the countless Alvioli of the Lung -- and we can't get enough to fill a microscopic tank.	Maybe we can...  Skipper, is there a snorkel on this sub?
-Isn't there another surgical procedure you can try?	No, there's no other way.
-We'll never get there in time, at this rate.	Isn't there another route? So we can by-pass all this?
-Isn't there another route? So we can by-pass all this?	Yes...  We can transfer over to the Inner Ear, and go by way of the Endolymphatic Duct.
-Yes...  We can transfer over to the Inner Ear, and go by way of the Endolymphatic Duct.	Then why not take it?
-"""Yet all the suns that light the Corridors of the Universe shine dim, Before the blazing of a Single Thought -- """	"""Proclaiming in incandescent glory The myriad Mind of Man..."""
-How does it look, Doctor?	If I can relieve the pressure on a few key vessels...
-Doctor, we've just about had it.	It I can clear this Central Nerve, that  be enough...
-The ship's good as finished. We'll have to get out on our own! Is there a quick way out?	We could follow the Optic Nerve to the corner of the Eye.
-You said there was a quick way out!	What about Dr. Michaels?
-What about Dr. Michaels?	It's too late!
-We need you for Security purposes, Mr. Grant.	At an operation?
-At an operation?	They know they failed to kill Benes. Security thinks they'll try again, first chance they get. We're afraid of medical sabotage -- or surgical assassination.
-They know they failed to kill Benes. Security thinks they'll try again, first chance they get. We're afraid of medical sabotage -- or surgical assassination.	Surgical assassination?! But that means you suspect --
-Miss Peterson, his Technical Assistant.	How are you, Miss Peterson?
-About forty miles an hour.	Well, it seems to me if you reduce a ship to microscopic size -- and the stream remains constant -- we'd take quite a beating.
-A what?	A forced joining of an Artery and Vein. Must've happened when Benes was hurt.
-If we can't go back, is there an alternate route?	Yes... We can go forward on this course, but it means going directly through the Heart.
-That's just dandy. We can't go forward -- and we can't go back.	I'm afraid there's only one thing we can do. Call off the mission.
-Tell them to take us out.	If there's any chance --
-If there's any chance --	Request removal, Mr. Grant.
-Sounds like heavy artillery...	It lays down quite a barrage in a lifetime. Forty million beats.
-There it is!	Fasten yourselves in. There should be a tremendous surge when the Heart starts up again.
-At this size, I would certainly think so.	If those Corpuscles can take on air, no reason why we can't.  All we have to do is hook up the snorkel to that air chamber you were talk1ng about, and when Benes inhales, there should be plenty of pressure to force the oxygen into the tank.  How's that sound to you, Skipper?
-In a way -- yes. Those are impurities imbedded in the Lung after a lifetime of 'Civilization.' Carbon from smoke and smog -- specks of dust --	Well, we better get on with it.
-Yes -- with all that pressure, and suction within --	There's no other way. Tie my safety line to the sub.
-All right now -- push the snorkel through as soon as I get inside.	Walt for the lull -- between the time he inhales and exhales.
-Grant -- wait a minute -- you're not going to dismantle the wireless?	Just one little transistor and a circuit wire is all it takes.
-Just one little transistor and a circuit wire is all it takes.	But that'll knock out our communications! We'll be cutting ourselves off from the outside.
-But that'll knock out our communications! We'll be cutting ourselves off from the outside.	They'll still be able to track us by radar, because of the radioactive fuel.
-Well, sir? Which is it? The wireless, or Benes' life?	Send the following message...
-Looks like the sea, at dawn.	We're safe -- long as it remains that color...  We're in the Pleural Sac.  It keeps the Lungs from rubbing against the Wall of the Chest up there. When those membranes become inflamed, we wind up with Pleurisy -- and a wracking cough.
-We're safe -- long as it remains that color...  We're in the Pleural Sac.  It keeps the Lungs from rubbing against the Wall of the Chest up there. When those membranes become inflamed, we wind up with Pleurisy -- and a wracking cough.	Cough? If he can kick up a storm by just  --
-Cough? If he can kick up a storm by just  --	His Pleura's in fine condition. It should be clear sailing through this area.
-His Pleura's in fine condition. It should be clear sailing through this area.	Let's hope... So far, somebody's tried to sabotage this mission twice.
-Sabotage? I don't understand...	I saw the laser just before we started. It was fastened down securely. You don't suppose what happened was an 'accident?' Any more than my safety line snapping after it was tied off to the sub?
-I saw the laser just before we started. It was fastened down securely. You don't suppose what happened was an 'accident?' Any more than my safety line snapping after it was tied off to the sub?	You have no right to blame Duval --
-You have no right to blame Duval --	That line was tampered with...
-That line was tampered with...	I -- I don't know what to say. I know he's under a cloud, but there's not a more dedicated man in the entire medical profession.
-I -- I don't know what to say. I know he's under a cloud, but there's not a more dedicated man in the entire medical profession.	You still never know what's going on in anyone's mind...
-You still never know what's going on in anyone's mind...	I can't believe it. Whatever happened was an accident.
-I can't believe it. Whatever happened was an accident.	Two in a row?
-Two in a row?	It's possible --
-We're entering the Lymphatic System. Those are nuclei of cells, lining a Duct.	I always had an idea there was only one System. The Circulatory.
-I always had an idea there was only one System. The Circulatory.	The Lymphatic System drains off excess fluid from the Tissues. Without it, we'd all swell up like balloons. He reaches the console, begins to take out a new chart.
-Skipper, you're picking up seaweed -- or whatever it is.	Reticular fibers. We ought to be clear of them soon.
-Looks like somebody declared war.	Just what it is. Antibodies, destroying Bacteria -- or any other foreign invader that threatens the System.
-They're tracking us Topside. Once they see where we're going, I'm sure they'll take every precaution.	Let's hope they realize the danger.  Captain, I'll give you a new compass heading.
-Looks like quite a way to go...	No, we should reach the base of the Brain shortly. And from there, it's not far to the site of the injury.
-Hold it, Skipper.  What happens if we overstay?	Once time's up, De-Miniaturization begins. In a matter of seconds the ship will grow big enough to become a danger to the System. Then White Corpuscles will swarm to destroy it, as they would any invader.
-Once time's up, De-Miniaturization begins. In a matter of seconds the ship will grow big enough to become a danger to the System. Then White Corpuscles will swarm to destroy it, as they would any invader.	How long will it take to get from here to the Removal Point?
-I'm in charge of this mission! You were instructed to take orders from me, not give them!	Sorry, but the situation has changed.
-Sorry, but the situation has changed.	Nothing has changed as far as  authority goes! He is  going to operate! Not in the little time we have left! There's no chance of success! It's sheer suicide for all of us!
-I don't believe that.	Why not? Because of his gibberish about GOd and the Soul? Camouflage -- that's all it is -- to blind the gullible like you! And to hide his real identity -- a fanatic whose only purpose is to kill Benes! And you made it possible!
-Sorry we had to get you up at this hour, Mr. Grant.	I thought I was on my vacation... What's it all about?
-I thought I was on my vacation... What's it all about?	I can't tell you.
-I can't tell you.	Where we going?
-Where we going?	I can't tell you that either... Excuse me, Mr. Grant, but you've got a smudge on your cheek.
-May I?	Go ahead.
-What'd you do that for?	I'm married.
-I'm married.	And she said it was indelible...
-Out of your element, aren't you, Captain?	Sort of.
-Sort of.	That makes two of us.
-Atomic fuel?	Nothing you could see with the naked eye. But there's a microscopic radio-active particle inside.
-If it's no military secret, how can a sub run on a microscopic particle?	They can't reduce nuclear fuel. But once the Reactor's Miniaturized -- along with the submarine -- a microscopic particle should emit enough energy to activate it.
-They can't reduce nuclear fuel. But once the Reactor's Miniaturized -- along with the submarine -- a microscopic particle should emit enough energy to activate it.	That's cutting it mighty close -- for a perfect fit.
-That's cutting it mighty close -- for a perfect fit.	It should work -- theoretically. If it doesn't, the mission's off. The craft's nuclear-powered. Except for your wireless.
-All in all, quite a canoe...	Designed for Piscatorial Research -- the Spawning Habits of Deep Sea Fish.
-Designed for Piscatorial Research -- the Spawning Habits of Deep Sea Fish.	Remind me to ask you about the love life of an octupus.
-'Prepare for Miniaturization'...	Positions, please. And strap yourselves in.
-Any reserve air?	Enough to breathe, but that's all.
-I've come up against fanatics before, and Duval just doesn't fit the pattern.  I'm going out there, Skipper. Maybe I can be of some help...	Remember -- we can't take more than five minutes to get out.
-What happened?	Dr. Michaels... He went berserk...
-Dr. Michaels... He went berserk...	Berserk nothing. He's the one who's been sabotaging the mission...  Get this on. Hurry!
-Come on -- it's no use!	We can get out through the Lab Section.
-Who, me? Oh, no! Don't bother about me! We're not hurt! Isn't that right, Skipper?	Uh -- what?
-Uh -- what?	We feel great, don't we? Just ?!
-We feel great, don't we? Just ?!	Oh -- sure, sure! Never better!
-Oh -- sure, sure! Never better!	Nothing wrong with us! Not a thing! We're fine -- just fine!
-What is it, Skipper?	We're losing pressure in the Flotation Tanks. Check the Manual, right over there.
-Yes, there is.	Could I run a tube through that Wall, without harming Benes?
-Thirty-two minutes left...  But chances are we won't have to wait that long for try-number three.	Look at those Walls up ahead!
-What's wrong, Skipper?	What I was afraid would happen. The stuff we passed through -- that looked like seaweed --
-How's it look?	I could use a lawnmower...
-Even so, because of our size -- I mean lack of it -- we'll still be cruising mighty fast. We'll be smashed to bits if there's any turbulence --	The only danger of turbulence is in the Heart -- and we're not going through it.  Once in the Carotid Artery, we'll remain in the Arterial System... until we reach the point of damage --  -- where Dr. Duval will attempt to dissolve the clot with a laser beam. After the operation, we'll return by way of the Venous System --  -- until we reach the base of the neck --  -- where we'll be removed right here -- with a hypodermic.
-Captain, how will you be able to follow my charts --  --from up there?	On the Repeater.
-That's it...	Looks simple to operate.
-I'll never find my way through that.	I'll guide you, once we're in the Heart.
-Well, that takes care of the valve. It was probably caused by that electric shock.	Was there any damage?
-Was there any damage?	Not to the valve. But we've lost too much air to make it the rest of the way.
-It's a dangerous procedure. If I miss the timing, we could explode the tanks... But I'm willing to try it.	Yes, by all means. We must try it.
-We could never fight that current it's physically impossible.	Then don't drift down further.
-Then don't drift down further.	I'll do what I can.
-Doctor -- the channel's getting awful narrow.	We're entering a Capillary. Remain in the middle.
-We're entering a Capillary. Remain in the middle.	The Wall's transparent...
-The Wall's transparent...	It's less than one ten-thousandth of an inch thick. And porous.
-There seems to be something wrong with the Escape Hatch...	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	Fluid is seeping through. Better come down and have a look!
-...What do you mean, you decided not to park here?	Yeah, I just came in. I decided not to park here.
-You, uh... I'm sorry, sir, but -	I decided not to - I'm, uh, not taking the trip as it turns out.
-I decided not to - I'm, uh, not taking the trip as it turns out.	I'm sorry, sir, we do have to charge you the four dollars.
-I'm sorry, sir, we do have to charge you the four dollars.	I just pulled in here. I just fucking pulled in here!
-I just pulled in here. I just fucking pulled in here!	Well, see, there's a minimum charge of four dollars. Long-term parking charges by the day.
-Ophhem ma fuchem gaphe!	May I have your ticket, please?
-Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you?	I got your goddamn money, you little punk. Now where's my daughter?
-I got your goddamn money, you little punk. Now where's my daughter?	I am through fucking around! Drop that fucking briefcase!
-I am through fucking around! Drop that fucking briefcase!	Where's my daughter?
-Where's my daughter?	Fuck you, man! Where's Jerry? I gave SIMPLE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS -
-Fuck you, man! Where's Jerry? I gave SIMPLE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS -	Where's my damn daughter? No Jean, no money!
-Where's my damn daughter? No Jean, no money!	Drop that fucking money!
-Drop that fucking money!	No Jean, no money!
-No Jean, no money!	Is this a fucking joke here?
-...Is this a fucking joke?	Unghh... oh, geez...
-This is a new car, then, sir?	It certainly is, officer. Still got that smell!
-It certainly is, officer. Still got that smell!	You're required to display temporary tags, either in the plate area or taped inside the back window.
-You're required to display temporary tags, either in the plate area or taped inside the back window.	Certainly -
-Certainly -	Can I see your license and registration please?
-Can I see your license and registration please?	Certainly.
-...So maybe the best thing would be to take care of that, right here in Brainerd.	What's this, sir?
-What's this, sir?	That's my license and registration. I wanna be in compliance.
-Just in town on business. Just in and out. Ha ha! A little of the old in-and-out!	Wuddya do?  Carl looks around.
-Wuddya do?  Carl looks around.	Have ya been to the Celebrity Room before? With other, uh, clients?
-Have ya been to the Celebrity Room before? With other, uh, clients?	I don't think so. It's nice.
-I don't think so. It's nice.	Yeah, well, it depends on the artist. You know, Jose Feliciano, ya got no complaints. Waiter!
-... What is he, deaf?... So, uh, how long have you been with the escort service?	I don't know. Few munce.
-I don't know. Few munce.	Ya find the work interesting, do ya?
-Ya find the work interesting, do ya?	...What're you talking about?
-Or your fucking wife, you know.	Or your fucking wife, Jerry.
-Where is Pancakes Hause?	What?
-What?	We stop at Pancakes Hause.
-We stop at Pancakes Hause.	What're you, nuts? We had pancakes for breakfast. I gotta go somewhere I can get a shot and a beer - and a steak maybe.  Not more fuckin' pancakes. Come on.
-...Come on, man. Okay, here's an idea. We'll stop outside of Brainerd. I know a place there we can get laid. Wuddya think?	I'm fuckin' hungry now, you know.
-I'm fuckin' hungry now, you know.	Yeah, yeah, Jesus - I'm sayin', we'll stop for pancakes, then we'll get laid. Wuddya think?
-...Look at that. Twin Cities.  IDS Building, the big glass one.  Tallest skyscraper in the Midwest.  After the Sears, uh, Chicago...  You never been to Minneapolis?	No.
-No.	...Would it kill you to say something?
-...Would it kill you to say something?	I did.
-I did.	"""No."" First thing you've said in the last four hours. That's a, that's a fountain of conversation, man. That's a geyser. I mean, whoa, daddy, stand back, man. Shit, I'm sittin' here driving, man, doin' all the driving, whole fuckin' way from Brainerd, drivin', tryin' to, you know, tryin' to chat, keep our spirits up, fight the boredom of the road, and you can't say one fucking thing just in the way of conversation."
-Unguent.	Huh?  Grimsurd looks at his thumb.
-Huh?  Grimsurd looks at his thumb.	I need ...unguent.
-Shut the fuck up or I'll throw you back in the trunk, you know.	Geez. That's more'n I've heard you say all week.
-You'll take care of it. Boy, you are smooth smooth, you know.	Whoa, Daddy.
-Clear him off the road.	Yeah.
-She started shrieking, you know.	Jezhush.
-...You c'n'ave my truck. I'm takin' a Shiera.	We split that.
-One of us pays the other for half.	HOLD ON! NO FUCKIN' WAY! YOU FUCKIN' NOTISH ISH? I GOT FUCKIN' SHOT INNA FAISH! I WENT'N GOTTA FUCKIN' MONEY! I GET SHOT FUCKIN' PICKIN' IT UP!  I BEEN UP FOR THIRTY-SHIKSH FUCKIN' HOURZH! I'M TAKIN' THAT FUCKIN' CAR! THAT FUCKERZH MINE!
-...So I guess that's it, then.  Here's the keys -	No, that's not it, Jerry.
-No, that's not it, Jerry.	Huh?
-Huh?	The new vehicle, plus forty thousand dollars.
-The new vehicle, plus forty thousand dollars.	Yah, but the deal was, the car first, see, then the forty thousand, like as if it was the ransom. I thought Shep told you -
-Yah, but the deal was, the car first, see, then the forty thousand, like as if it was the ransom. I thought Shep told you -	Shep didn't tell us much, Jerry.
-Shep didn't tell us much, Jerry.	Well, okay, it's -
-Well, okay, it's -	Except that you were gonna be here at 7:30.
-Except that you were gonna be here at 7:30.	Yah, well, that was a mix-up, then.
-Yah, well, that was a mix-up, then.	Yeah, you already said that.
-Yeah, you already said that.	Yah. But it's not a whole pay-in- advance deal. I give you a brand-new vehicle in advance and -
-Yah. But it's not a whole pay-in- advance deal. I give you a brand-new vehicle in advance and -	I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry.
-I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry.	Okay.
-Okay.	I'm not gonna sit here and debate. I will say this though: what Shep told us didn't make a whole lot of sense.
-I'm not gonna sit here and debate. I will say this though: what Shep told us didn't make a whole lot of sense.	Oh, no, it's real sound. It's all worked out.
-Oh, no, it's real sound. It's all worked out.	You want your own wife kidnapped?
-You want your own wife kidnapped?	Yah.
-...You-my point is, you pay the ransom- what eighty thousand bucks?  - I mean, you give us half the ransom, forty thousand, you keep half. It's like robbing Peter to play Paul, it doesn't make any -	Okay, it's - see, it's not me payin' the ransom. The thing is, my wife, she's wealthy - her dad, he's real well off. Now, I'm in a bit of trouble -
-Okay, it's - see, it's not me payin' the ransom. The thing is, my wife, she's wealthy - her dad, he's real well off. Now, I'm in a bit of trouble -	What kind of trouble are you in, Jerry?
-What kind of trouble are you in, Jerry?	Well, that's, that's, I'm not go inta, inta - see, I just need money. Now, her dad's real wealthy -
-Well, that's, that's, I'm not go inta, inta - see, I just need money. Now, her dad's real wealthy -	So why don't you just ask him for the money?
-Well, it's all just part of this - they don't know I need it, see. Okay, so there's that. And even if they did, I wouldn't get it.  So there's that on top, then. See, these're personal matters.	Personal matters.
-Personal matters.	Yah. Personal matters that needn't, uh -
-Yah. Personal matters that needn't, uh -	Okay, Jerry. You're tasking us to perform this mission, but you, you won't, uh, you won't - aw, fuck it, let's take a look at that Ciera.
-...Who's Jean?	My wife! What the - how's -
-My wife! What the - how's -	Oh, Jean's okay. But there's three people up in Brainerd who aren't so okay, I'll tell ya that.
-Oh, Jean's okay. But there's three people up in Brainerd who aren't so okay, I'll tell ya that.	What the heck're you talkin' about? Let's just finish up this deal here -
-What the heck're you talkin' about? Let's just finish up this deal here -	Blood has been shed, Jerry.
-...Blood has been shed.	What the heck d'ya mean?
-What the heck d'ya mean?	Three people. In Brainerd.
-Three people. In Brainerd.	Oh, geez.
-Oh, geez.	That's right. And we need more money.
-That's right. And we need more money.	The heck d'ya mean? What a you guys got yourself mixed up in?
-The heck d'ya mean? What a you guys got yourself mixed up in?	We need more -
-We need more -	This was s'posed to be a no-rough stuff-type deal -
-This was s'posed to be a no-rough stuff-type deal -	DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME, JERRY! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
-DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME, JERRY! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!	Well, I'm sorry, but I just - I -
-Well, I'm sorry, but I just - I -	Look. I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry. The price is now the whole amount. We want the entire eighty thousand.
-Look. I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry. The price is now the whole amount. We want the entire eighty thousand.	Oh, for Chrissakes here -
-Oh, for Chrissakes here -	Blood has been shed. We've incurred risks, Jerry. I'm coming into town tomorrow. Have the money ready.
-Blood has been shed. We've incurred risks, Jerry. I'm coming into town tomorrow. Have the money ready.	Now we had a deal here! A deal's a deal!
-Now we had a deal here! A deal's a deal!	IS IT, JERRY?  You ask those three pour souls up in Brainerd if a deal's a deal! Go ahead, ask 'em!
-IS IT, JERRY?  You ask those three pour souls up in Brainerd if a deal's a deal! Go ahead, ask 'em!	...The heck d'ya mean?
-...The heck d'ya mean?	I'll see you tomorrow.
-Yah, I got the money, but, uh -	Don't you fucking but me, Jerry.  I want you with this money on the Dayton- Radisson parking ramp, top level, thirty minutes, and we'll wrap this up.
-Don't you fucking but me, Jerry.  I want you with this money on the Dayton- Radisson parking ramp, top level, thirty minutes, and we'll wrap this up.	Yah, okay, but, uh -
-Yah, okay, but, uh -	You're there in thirty minutes or I find you, Jerry, and I shoot you, and I shoot your fucking wife, and I shoot all your little fucking children, and I shoot 'em all in the back of their little fucking heads. Got it?
-You're there in thirty minutes or I find you, Jerry, and I shoot you, and I shoot your fucking wife, and I shoot all your little fucking children, and I shoot 'em all in the back of their little fucking heads. Got it?	...Yah, well, you stay away from Scotty now -
-...Yah, well, you stay away from Scotty now -	GOT IT?
-GOT IT?	Okay, real good, then.
-We sat here right in this room and went over this and over this!	Yah, but that TruCoat -
-Yah, but that TruCoat -	I sat right here and said I didn't want no TruCoat!
-I sat right here and said I didn't want no TruCoat!	Yah, but I'm sayin', that TruCoat, you don't get it and you get oxidization problems. It'll cost you a heck of lot more'n five hunnert -
-Yah, but I'm sayin', that TruCoat, you don't get it and you get oxidization problems. It'll cost you a heck of lot more'n five hunnert -	You're sittin' here, you're talkin' in circles! You're talkin' like we didn't go over this already!
-You're sittin' here, you're talkin' in circles! You're talkin' like we didn't go over this already!	Yah, but this TruCoat -
-Yah, but this TruCoat -	We had us a deal here for nineteen- five. You sat there and darned if you didn't tell me you'd get this car, these options, WITHOUT THE SEALANT, for nineteen-five!
-We had us a deal here for nineteen- five. You sat there and darned if you didn't tell me you'd get this car, these options, WITHOUT THE SEALANT, for nineteen-five!	Okay, I'm not sayin' I didn't -
-Okay, I'm not sayin' I didn't -	You called me twenty minutes ago and said you had it! Ready to make delivery, ya says! Come on down and get it!  And here ya are and you're wastin' my time and you're wastin' my wife's time and I'm payin' nineteen- five for this vehicle here!
-You called me twenty minutes ago and said you had it! Ready to make delivery, ya says! Come on down and get it!  And here ya are and you're wastin' my time and you're wastin' my wife's time and I'm payin' nineteen- five for this vehicle here!	Well, okay, I'll talk to my boss...
-Well, he never done this before, but seein' as it's special circumstances and all, he says I can knock one hunnert off that TruCoat.	One hundred! You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard. You're a bald-faced liar!
-One hunnert's the best we can do here.	Oh, for Christ's sake, where's my goddamn checkbook. Let's get this over with.
-Yah, ya got yer, this loaded here, this has yer independent, uh, yer slipped differential, uh, yer rack- and-pinion steering, yer alarm and radar, and I can give it to ya with a heck of a sealant, this TruCoat stuff, it'll keep the salt off -	Yah, I don't need no sealant though.
-Yah, I don't need no sealant though.	Yah, you don't need that. Now were you thinking of financing here?  You oughta be aware a this GMAC plan they have now, it's really super -
-Ah, well, we haven't had to run around like you. When're you due?	End a April.
-End a April.	Any others?
-Any others?	This'll be our first. We've been waiting a long time.
-This'll be our first. We've been waiting a long time.	That's wonderful. Mm-mm. It'll change your life, a course.
-That's wonderful. Mm-mm. It'll change your life, a course.	Oh, yah, I know that!
-Oh, yah, I know that!	They can really take over, that's for sure.
-They can really take over, that's for sure.	You have children?
-I thought you'd never ask. The older one is Janet, she's nine, and the younger one is Morgan.	Oh, now he's adorable.
-Oh, now he's adorable.	He's three now. Course, not in that picture.
-He's three now. Course, not in that picture.	Oh, he's adorable.
-Oh, he's adorable.	Yah, he -
-Yah, he -	Where'd you get him that parka?
-Both of these.	Oh, no, I can't let you do that.
-Oh, no, I can't let you do that.	Oh, don't be silly.
-Oh, don't be silly.	Well, okay - thank you, Detective.
-Well, okay - thank you, Detective.	Oh, don't be silly.
-How ya doin'?	Mr. Mohra?
-Mr. Mohra?	Yah.
-Yah.	Officer Olson.
-Officer Olson.	Yah, right-o.
-...So, I'm tendin' bar there at Ecklund & Swedlin's last Tuesday and this little guy's drinkin' and he says, 'So where can a guy find some action - I'm goin' crazy down there at the lake.'  And I says, 'What kinda action?' and he says, 'Woman action, what do I look like,' And I says 'Well, what do I look like, I don't arrange that kinda thing,' and he says, 'I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake' and I says, 'Well, this ain't that kinda place.'	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	So he says, 'So I get it, so you think I'm some kinda jerk for askin',' only he doesn't use the word jerk.
-So he says, 'So I get it, so you think I'm some kinda jerk for askin',' only he doesn't use the word jerk.	I unnerstand.
-I unnerstand.	And then he calls me a jerk and says the last guy who thought he was a jerk was dead now. So I don't say nothin' and he says, 'What do ya think about that?'  So I says, 'Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him then.'
-And then he calls me a jerk and says the last guy who thought he was a jerk was dead now. So I don't say nothin' and he says, 'What do ya think about that?'  So I says, 'Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him then.'	Ya got that right.
-Ya got that right.	And he says, 'Yah, that guy's dead and I don't mean a old age.' And then he says, 'Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake.'
-And he says, 'Yah, that guy's dead and I don't mean a old age.' And then he says, 'Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake.'	White Bear Lake?
-White Bear Lake?	Well, Ecklund & Swedlin's, that's closer ta Moose Lake, so I made that assumption.
-Well, Ecklund & Swedlin's, that's closer ta Moose Lake, so I made that assumption.	Oh sure.
-Oh sure.	So, ya know, he's drinkin', so I don't think a whole great deal of it, but Mrs. Mohra heard about the homicides out here and she thought I should call it in, so I called it in. End a story.
-So, ya know, he's drinkin', so I don't think a whole great deal of it, but Mrs. Mohra heard about the homicides out here and she thought I should call it in, so I called it in. End a story.	What'd this guy look like anyways?
-What'd this guy look like anyways?	Oh, he was a little guy, kinda funny- lookin'.
-Oh, he was a little guy, kinda funny- lookin'.	Uh-huh - in what way?
-Uh-huh - in what way?	Just a general way.
-Just a general way.	Okay, well, thanks a bunch, Mr. Mohra. You're right, it's probably nothin', but thanks for callin' her in.
-Okay, well, thanks a bunch, Mr. Mohra. You're right, it's probably nothin', but thanks for callin' her in.	Oh sure. They say she's gonna turn cold tomorrow.
-Oh sure. They say she's gonna turn cold tomorrow.	Yah, got a front movin' in.
-Yah, got a front movin' in.	Ya got that right.
-Hiya, Norm. How ya doin', Margie? How's the fricassee?	Pretty darn good, ya want some?
-Pretty darn good, ya want some?	No, I gotta - hey, Norm, I thought you were goin' fishin' up at Mile Lacs?
-The numbers y'asked for, calls made from the lobby pay phone at the Blue Ox. Two to Minneapolis that night.	Mm.
-Mm.	First one's a trucking company, second one's a private residence.  A Shep Proudfoot.
-First one's a trucking company, second one's a private residence.  A Shep Proudfoot.	Uh-huh... A what?
-Uh-huh... A what?	Shep Proudfoot. That's a name.
-Shep Proudfoot. That's a name.	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	Yah.
-Yah.	...Yah, okay, I think I'll drive down there, then.
-...Yah, okay, I think I'll drive down there, then.	Oh, yah? Twin Cities?
-Where you girls from?	Chaska.
-Well, the little guy, he was kinda funny-looking.	In what way?
-In what way?	I dunno. Just funny-looking.
-I dunno. Just funny-looking.	Can you be any more specific?
-Can you be any more specific?	I couldn't really say. He wasn't circumcised.
-I couldn't really say. He wasn't circumcised.	Was he funny-looking apart from that?
-Was he funny-looking apart from that?	Yah.
-Yah.	So you were having sex with the little fella, then?
-So you were having sex with the little fella, then?	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	Is there anything else you can tell me about him?
-Is there anything else you can tell me about him?	No. Like I say, he was funny-looking. More'n most people even.
-No. Like I say, he was funny-looking. More'n most people even.	And what about the other fella?
-They said they were goin' to the Twin Cities?	Oh, yah?
-LeSeure. But I went to high school in White Bear Lake.	Okay, I want you to tell me what these fellas looked like.
-He was a little older. Looked like the Marlboro man.	Yah?
-Yah?	Yah. Maybe I'm sayin' that cause he smoked Marlboros.
-Yah. Maybe I'm sayin' that cause he smoked Marlboros.	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	A subconscious-type thing.
-A subconscious-type thing.	Yah, that can happen.
-Yah, that can happen.	Yah.
-I'm talkin' about your potential.	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	You're not a C student.
-You're not a C student.	Uhn.
-Uhn.	And yet you're gettin' C grades. It's this disparity there that concerns your dad and me.
-And yet you're gettin' C grades. It's this disparity there that concerns your dad and me.	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	You know what a disparity is?
-You know what a disparity is?	Yeah!
-Yeah!	Okay. Well, that's why we don't want ya goin' out fer hockey.
-Okay. Well, that's why we don't want ya goin' out fer hockey.	Oh, man!
-...What's the big deal? It's an hour -	Hold on.
-Good to see ya again, Jerry. If these numbers are right, this looks pretty sweet.	Oh, those numbers are all right, bleemee.
-The financials are pretty thorough, so the only thing we don't know is your fee.	...My fee? Wade, what the heck're you talkin' about?
-Jerry - we thought you were bringin' us an investment.	Yah, right -
-Yah, right -	You're sayin' - what're you sayin'?
-No, see, I don't need a finder's fee, I need - finder's fee's, what, ten percent, heck that's not gonna do it for me. I need the principal.	Jerry, we're not just going to give you seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
-We're not horse-trading here, Wade, we just gotta bite the bullet on this thing.	Yah!
-Yah!	What's the next step here, Jerry?
-What's the next step here, Jerry?	They're gonna call, give me instructions for a drop. I'm supposed to have the money ready tomorrow.
-Okay. We'll get the money together. Don't worry about it, Jerry. Now, d'you want anyone at home, with you, until they call?	No, I - they don't want - they're just s'posed to be dealin' with me, they were real clear.
-No, I - they don't want - they're just s'posed to be dealin' with me, they were real clear.	Yah.
-Ya know, they said no one listenin' in, they'll be watchin', ya know. Maybe it's all bull, but like you said, Stan, they're callin' the shots.	Okay. And Scotty, is he gonna be all right?
-Okay. And Scotty, is he gonna be all right?	Yah, geez, Scotty. I'll go talk to him.
-Wade's got a point there. I'll handle the call if you want, Jerry.	No, no. See - they, no, see, they only deal with me. Ya feel this, this nervousness on the phone there, they're very - these guys're dangerous -
-So you're goin' to the Gophers on Sunday?	You bet.
-You bet.	You wouldn't have an extra ticket there?
-You wouldn't have an extra ticket there?	They're playin' the Buckeyes!
-They're playin' the Buckeyes!	Yah.
-Yah.	Ya kiddin'!
-...Yah, okay...	Look, Dad, there is no fucking way -
-...How ya doin' there, Scotty?	Dad! What're they doing? Wuddya think they're doin' with Mom?
-Dad! What're they doing? Wuddya think they're doin' with Mom?	It's okay, Scotty. They're not gonna want to hurt her any.  These men, they just want money, see.
-It's okay, Scotty. They're not gonna want to hurt her any.  These men, they just want money, see.	What if - what if sumpn goes wrong?
-What if - what if sumpn goes wrong?	No, no, nothin's goin' wrong here. Grandad and I, we're - we're makin' sure this gets handled right.
-Dad, I really think we should call the cops.	No! We can't let anyone know about this thing! We gotta play ball with these guys - you ask Stan Grossman, he'll tell ya the same thing!
-No! We can't let anyone know about this thing! We gotta play ball with these guys - you ask Stan Grossman, he'll tell ya the same thing!	Yeah, but -
-Yeah, but -	We're gonna get Mom back for ya, but we gotta play ball. Ya know, that's the deal. Now if Lorraine calls, or Sylvia, you just say that Mom is in Florida with Pearl and Marty...
-Mr. Lundegaard?	Huh? Yah?
-Huh? Yah?	I wonder if I could take just a minute of your time here -
-I wonder if I could take just a minute of your time here -	What... What is it all about?
-What... What is it all about?	Huh? Do you mind if I sit down - I'm carrying quite a load here.
-...You're the owner here, Mr. Lundegaard?	Naw, I... Executive Sales Manager.
-Naw, I... Executive Sales Manager.	Well, you can help me. My name's Marge Gunderson -
-Well, you can help me. My name's Marge Gunderson -	My father-in-law, he's the owner.
-My father-in-law, he's the owner.	Uh-huh. Well, I'm a police officer from up Brainerd investigating some malfeasance and I was just wondering if you've had any new vehicles stolen off the lot in the past couple of weeks - specifically a tan Cutlass Ciera?
-...Mr. Lundegaard?	...Brainerd?
-...Brainerd?	Yah. Yah. Home a Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox.
-Yah. Yah. Home a Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox.	...Babe the Blue Ox?
-...Babe the Blue Ox?	Yah, ya know we've got the big statue there. So you haven't had any vehicles go missing, then?
-Yah, ya know we've got the big statue there. So you haven't had any vehicles go missing, then?	No. No, ma'am.
-No. No, ma'am.	Okey-dokey, thanks a bunch. I'll let you get back to your paperwork, then.
-Yah, no, I'm kinda - I'm kinda busy -	I unnerstand. I'll keep it real short, then. I'm on my way out of town, but I was just - Do you mind if I sit down? I'm carrying a bit of a load here.
-I unnerstand. I'll keep it real short, then. I'm on my way out of town, but I was just - Do you mind if I sit down? I'm carrying a bit of a load here.	No, I -
-Yah, it's this vehicle I asked you about yesterday. I was just wondering -	Yah, like I told ya, we haven't had any vehicles go missing.
-Yah, like I told ya, we haven't had any vehicles go missing.	Okay, are you sure, cause, I mean, how do you know?  Because, see, the crime I'm investigating, the perpetrators were driving a car with dealer plates. And they called someone who works here, so it'd be quite a coincidence if they weren't, ya know, connected.
-Okay, are you sure, cause, I mean, how do you know?  Because, see, the crime I'm investigating, the perpetrators were driving a car with dealer plates. And they called someone who works here, so it'd be quite a coincidence if they weren't, ya know, connected.	Yah, I see.
-Yah, I see.	So how do you - have you done any kind of inventory recently?
-So how do you - have you done any kind of inventory recently?	The car's not from our lot, ma'am.
-The car's not from our lot, ma'am.	but do you know that for sure without -
-but do you know that for sure without -	Well, I would know. I'm the Executive Sales Manager.
-Well, I would know. I'm the Executive Sales Manager.	Yah, but -
-Yah, but -	We run a pretty tight ship here.
-We run a pretty tight ship here.	I know, but - well, how do you establish that, sir? Are the cars, uh, counted daily or what kind of -
-I know, but - well, how do you establish that, sir? Are the cars, uh, counted daily or what kind of -	Ma'am, I answered your question.
-... I'm sorry, sir?	Ma'am, I answered your question.  I answered the darn - I'm cooperating here, and I...
-Ma'am, I answered your question.  I answered the darn - I'm cooperating here, and I...	Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me. I'm just doin' my job here.
-Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me. I'm just doin' my job here.	I'm not, uh, I'm not arguin' here. I'm cooperating... There's no, uh - we're doin' all we can...
-Okay, I'll do a damned lot count!	Sir? Right now?
-Sir? Right now?	Sure right now! You're darned tootin'!
-...If it's so damned important to ya!	I'm sorry, sir, I -
-Hon? Got the growshries.	Thank you, hon. How's Fargo?
-Thank you, hon. How's Fargo?	Yah, real good.
-Yah, real good.	Dad's here.
-Yah, real good. How you doin'?	Pretty good, Mr. Lundegaard.  You're damned hard to get on the phone.
-Pretty good, Mr. Lundegaard.  You're damned hard to get on the phone.	Yah, it's pretty darned busy here, but that's the way we like it.
-Yah, it's pretty darned busy here, but that's the way we like it.	That's for sure. Now, I just need, on these last, these financing documents you sent us, I can't read the serial numbers of the vehicles on here, so I -
-That's for sure. Now, I just need, on these last, these financing documents you sent us, I can't read the serial numbers of the vehicles on here, so I -	But I already got the, it's okay, the loans are in place, I already got the, the what, the -
-But I already got the, it's okay, the loans are in place, I already got the, the what, the -	Yeah, the three hundred and twenty thousand dollars, you got the money last month.
-Yeah, the three hundred and twenty thousand dollars, you got the money last month.	Yah, so we're all set.
-Yah, so we're all set.	Yeah, but the vehicles you were borrowing on, I just can't read the serial numbers on your application. Maybe if you could just read them to me -
-Yeah, but the vehicles you were borrowing on, I just can't read the serial numbers on your application. Maybe if you could just read them to me -	But the deal's already done, I already got the money -
-But the deal's already done, I already got the money -	Yeah, but we have an audit here, I just have to know that these vehicles you're financing with this money, that they really exist.
-Yeah, but we have an audit here, I just have to know that these vehicles you're financing with this money, that they really exist.	Yah, well, they exist all right.
-Yah, well, they exist all right.	I'm sure they do - ha ha! But I can't read their serial numbers here. So if you could read me -
-I'm sure they do - ha ha! But I can't read their serial numbers here. So if you could read me -	Well, but see, I don't have 'em in front a me - why don't I just fax you over a copy -
-Well, but see, I don't have 'em in front a me - why don't I just fax you over a copy -	No, fax is no good, that's what I have and I can't read the darn thing -
-No, fax is no good, that's what I have and I can't read the darn thing -	Yah, okay, I'll have my girl send you over a copy, then.
-Yah, okay, I'll have my girl send you over a copy, then.	Okay, because if I can't correlate this note with the specific vehicles, then I gotta call back that money -
-Okay, because if I can't correlate this note with the specific vehicles, then I gotta call back that money -	Yah, how much money was that?
-Yah, how much money was that?	Three hundred and twenty thousand dollars. See, I gotta correlate that money with the cars it's being lent on.
-Three hundred and twenty thousand dollars. See, I gotta correlate that money with the cars it's being lent on.	Yah, no problem, I'll just fax that over to ya, then.
-Yah, no problem, I'll just fax that over to ya, then.	No, no, fax is -
-No, no, fax is -	I mean send it over. I'll shoot it right over to ya.
-I mean send it over. I'll shoot it right over to ya.	Okay.
-Okay.	Okay, real good, then.
-Jerry Lundegaard.	All right, Jerry, you got this phone to yourself?
-All right, Jerry, you got this phone to yourself?	Well... yah.
-Well... yah.	Know who this is?
-Know who this is?	Well, yah, I got an idea. How's that Ciera workin' out for ya?
-Well, yah, I got an idea. How's that Ciera workin' out for ya?	Circumstances have changed, Jerry.
-Circumstances have changed, Jerry.	Well, what do ya mean?
-Well, what do ya mean?	Things have changed. Circumstances, Jerry. Beyond the, uh... acts of God, force majeure..
-Things have changed. Circumstances, Jerry. Beyond the, uh... acts of God, force majeure..	What the - how's Jean?
-Yah!	Jerome Lundegaard?
-Jerome Lundegaard?	Yah!
-Yah!	This is Reilly Deifenbach at GMAC. Sir, I have not yet received those vehicle IDs you promised me.
-This is Reilly Deifenbach at GMAC. Sir, I have not yet received those vehicle IDs you promised me.	Yah!  I... those are in the mail.
-Yah!  I... those are in the mail.	Mr. Lundegaard, that very well may be. I must inform you, however, that absent the receipt of those numbers by tomorrow afternoon, I will have to refer this matter to our legal department.
-Mr. Lundegaard, that very well may be. I must inform you, however, that absent the receipt of those numbers by tomorrow afternoon, I will have to refer this matter to our legal department.	Yah.
-Yah.	My patience is at an end.
-My patience is at an end.	Yah.
-Yah.	Good day, sir.
-Good day, sir.	...Yah.
-...Dad?	It's okay, Scotty.
-It's okay, Scotty.	Where're you going?
-Where're you going?	Be back in a minute. If Stan calls you, just tell him I went to Embers. Oh, geez -
-Yah, Shep Proudfoot said -	Shep said you'd be here at 7:30. What gives, man?
-Shep said you'd be here at 7:30. What gives, man?	Shep said 8:30.
-Shep said 8:30.	We been sitting here an hour.  I've peed three times already.
-We been sitting here an hour.  I've peed three times already.	I'm sure sorry. I - Shep told me 8:30. It was a mix-up, I guess.
-I'm sure sorry. I - Shep told me 8:30. It was a mix-up, I guess.	Ya got the car?
-Ya got the car?	Yah, you bet. It's in the lot there. Brand-new burnt umber Ciera.
-Yah, you bet. It's in the lot there. Brand-new burnt umber Ciera.	Yeah, okay. Well, siddown then.  I'm Carl Showalter and this is my associate Gaear Grimsrud.
-Yeah, okay. Well, siddown then.  I'm Carl Showalter and this is my associate Gaear Grimsrud.	Yah, how ya doin'. So, uh, we all set on this thing, then?
-Yah, how ya doin'. So, uh, we all set on this thing, then?	Sure, Jerry, we're all set. Why wouldn't we be?
-Sure, Jerry, we're all set. Why wouldn't we be?	Yah, no, I'm sure you are. Shep vouched for you and all. I got every confidence in you fellas.
-...Dad?	Yah.
-Yah.	Stan Grossman called.
-Stan Grossman called.	Yah, okay.
-Yah, okay.	Twice.
-Twice.	Okay.
-Okay.	...Is everything okay?
-...Is everything okay?	Yah.
-Are you calling Stan?	Well... I'm goin' ta bed now.
-Yah, pretty good.	Whatcha watchin' there?
-Whatcha watchin' there?	Norstars.
-Norstars.	...Who they playin'?
-...Who they playin'?	OOOoooh!  His reaction synchronizes with a reaction from the crowd.
-Wade, have ya had a chance to think about, uh, that deal I was talkin' about, those forty acres there on Wayzata?	You told me about it.
-You told me about it.	Yah, you said you'd have a think about it. I understand it's a lot of money -
-Yah, you said you'd have a think about it. I understand it's a lot of money -	A heck of a lot. What'd you say you were gonna put there?
-A heck of a lot. What'd you say you were gonna put there?	lot. It's a limited -
-lot. It's a limited -	I know it's a lot.
-I know it's a lot.	I mean a parking lot.
-I mean a parking lot.	Yah, well, seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot - ha ha ha!
-Yah, well, seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot - ha ha ha!	Yah, well, it's a chunk, but -
-Yah, well, it's a chunk, but -	I thought you were gonna show it to Stan Grossman. He passes on this stuff before it gets kicked up to me.
-I thought you were gonna show it to Stan Grossman. He passes on this stuff before it gets kicked up to me.	Well, you know Stan'll say no dice. That's why you pay him.  I'm asking you here, Wade. This could work out real good for me and Jean and Scotty -
-Well, you know Stan'll say no dice. That's why you pay him.  I'm asking you here, Wade. This could work out real good for me and Jean and Scotty -	Jean and Scotty never have to worry.
-How ya doin', Wade?	What's goin' on there?
-What's goin' on there?	Oh, nothing, Wade. How ya doin' there?
-Oh, nothing, Wade. How ya doin' there?	Stan Grossman looked at your proposal. Says it's pretty sweet.
-Stan Grossman looked at your proposal. Says it's pretty sweet.	No kiddin'?
-No kiddin'?	We might be innarested.
-We might be innarested.	No kiddin'! I'd need the cash pretty quick there. In order to close the deal.
-No kiddin'! I'd need the cash pretty quick there. In order to close the deal.	Come by at 2:30 and we'll talk about it. If your numbers are right, Stan says its pretty sweet. Stan Grossman.
-Come by at 2:30 and we'll talk about it. If your numbers are right, Stan says its pretty sweet. Stan Grossman.	Yah.
-Yah.	2:30.
-Yah, thanks, Stan, it's a pretty -	What kind of finder's fee were you looking for?
-What kind of finder's fee were you looking for?	...Huh?
-Stan and I're okay.	Yah.
-Yah.	We're good to loan in.
-We're good to loan in.	Yah.
-Yah.	But we never talked about your fee for bringin' it to us.
-But we never talked about your fee for bringin' it to us.	No, but, Wade, see, I was bringin' you this deal for you to loan me the money to put in. It's my deal here, see?
-You're sayin' that we put in all the money and you collect when it pays off?	No, no. I - I'd, I'd - pay you back the principal, and interest heck, I'd go - one over prime -
-What the heck were you thinkin'? Heck, if I'm only gettin' bank interest, I'd look for complete security. Heck, FDIC. I don't see nothin' like that here.	Yah, but I - okay, I would, I'd guarantee ya your money back.
-Yah, but I - okay, I would, I'd guarantee ya your money back.	I'm not talkin' about your damn word, Jerry. Geez, what the heck're you?... Well, look, I don't want to cut you out of the loop, but his here's a good deal.  I assume, if you're not innarested, you won't mind if we move on it independently.
-- All's I know is, ya got a problem, ya call a professional!	No! They said no cops! They were darned clear on that, Wade! They said you call the cops and we -
-No! They said no cops! They were darned clear on that, Wade! They said you call the cops and we -	Well, a course they're gonna say that! But where's my protection? They got Jean here! I give these sons a bitches a million dollars, where's my guarantee they're gonna let her go.
-Well, a course they're gonna say that! But where's my protection? They got Jean here! I give these sons a bitches a million dollars, where's my guarantee they're gonna let her go.	Well, they -
-Well, they -	A million dollars is a lot a damn money! And there they are, they got my daughter!
-A million dollars is a lot a damn money! And there they are, they got my daughter!	Yah, but think this thing through here, Wade. Ya give 'em what they want, why wont' they let her go? You gotta listen to me on this one, Wade.
-Yah, but think this thing through here, Wade. Ya give 'em what they want, why wont' they let her go? You gotta listen to me on this one, Wade.	Heck, you don't know! You're just whistlin' Dixie here! I'm sayin', the cops, they can advise us on this! I'm sayin' call a professional!
-Heck, you don't know! You're just whistlin' Dixie here! I'm sayin', the cops, they can advise us on this! I'm sayin' call a professional!	No! No cops! That's final! This is my deal here, Wade! Jean is my wife here!
-You're darned tootin'!	Ah, dammit!
-... Stan, I'm thinkin' we should offer 'em half a million.	Now come on here, no way, Wade!  No way!
-Dammit! I wanna be a part a this thing!	No, Wade! They were real clear! They said they'd call tomorrow, with instructions, and it's gonna be delivered by me alone!
-No, Wade! They were real clear! They said they'd call tomorrow, with instructions, and it's gonna be delivered by me alone!	It's my money, I'll deliver it - what do they care?
-All the more reason!  I don't want you - with all due respect, Jerry - I don't want you mucking this up.	The heck d'ya mean?
-The heck d'ya mean?	They want my money, they can deal with me. Otherwise I'm goin' to a professional.  He points at a briefcase.
-They want my money, they can deal with me. Otherwise I'm goin' to a professional.  He points at a briefcase.	...There's a million dollars here!
-...There's a million dollars here!	No, see -
-No, see -	Look, Jerry, you're not sellin' me a damn car. It's my show here.  That's that.
-Say, Shep, how ya doin' there?	Mm.
-Mm.	Say, ya know those two fellas ya put me in touch with, up there in Fargo?
-Say, ya know those two fellas ya put me in touch with, up there in Fargo?	Put you in touch with Grimsrud.
-Put you in touch with Grimsrud.	Well, yah, but he had a buddy there. He, uh -
-Well, yah, but he had a buddy there. He, uh -	Well, I don't vouch for him.
-Well, I don't vouch for him.	Well, that's okay, I just -
-Well, that's okay, I just -	I vouch for Grimsrud. Who's his buddy?
-I vouch for Grimsrud. Who's his buddy?	Carl somethin'?
-Carl somethin'?	Never heard of him. Don't vouch for him.
-Never heard of him. Don't vouch for him.	Well, that's okay, he's a buddy of the guy ya vouched for, so I'm not worryin'. I just, I was wonderin', see, I gotta get in touch with 'em for, I might not need it anymore, sumpn's happenin', see -
-Well, that's okay, he's a buddy of the guy ya vouched for, so I'm not worryin'. I just, I was wonderin', see, I gotta get in touch with 'em for, I might not need it anymore, sumpn's happenin', see -	Call 'em up.
-Call 'em up.	Yah, well, see, I did that, and I haven't been able to get 'em, so I thought you maybe'd know an alternate number or what have ya.
-Yah, well, see, I did that, and I haven't been able to get 'em, so I thought you maybe'd know an alternate number or what have ya.	Nope.
-Hiya, Lou.	Margie. Thought you might need a little warm-up.
-Yah, thanks a bunch. So what's the deal, now? Gary says triple homicide?	Yah, looks pretty bad. Two of'm're over here.
-Where is everybody?	Well - it's cold, Margie.
-Okay, so we got a state trooper pulls someone over, we got a shooting, and these folks drive by, and we got a high-speed pursuit, ends here, and this execution-type deal.	Yah.
-Yah.	I'd be very surprised if our suspect was from Brainerd.
-I'd be very surprised if our suspect was from Brainerd.	Yah.
-Ya see something down there, Chief?	Uh - I just, I think I'm gonna barf.
-Uh - I just, I think I'm gonna barf.	Geez, you okay, Margie?
-Geez, you okay, Margie?	I'm fine - it's just morning sickness.
-...Well, that passed.	Yah?
-Yah?	Yah. Now I'm hungry again.
-Yah. Now I'm hungry again.	You had breakfast yet, Margie?
-You had breakfast yet, Margie?	Oh, yah. Norm made some eggs.
-Oh, yah. Norm made some eggs.	Yah? Well, what now, d'ya think?
-Yah? Well, what now, d'ya think?	Let's go take a look at that trooper.
-There's two of 'em, Lou!	Yah?
-Yah?	Yah, this guy's smaller than his buddy.
-Yah, this guy's smaller than his buddy.	Oh, yah?
-How's it look, Marge?	Well, he's got his gun on his hip there, and he looks like a nice enough guy. It's a real shame.
-Well, he's got his gun on his hip there, and he looks like a nice enough guy. It's a real shame.	Yah.
-Yah.	You haven't monkeyed with his car there, have ya?
-You haven't monkeyed with his car there, have ya?	No way.
-Somebody shut his lights. I guess the little guy sat in there, waitin' for his buddy t'come back.	Yah, woulda been cold out here.
-Yah, woulda been cold out here.	Heck, yah. Ya think, is Dave open yet?
-Heck, yah. Ya think, is Dave open yet?	You don't think he's mixed up in -
-You don't think he's mixed up in -	No, no, I just wanna get Norm some night crawlers.
-You look in his citation book?	Yah...
-...Last vehicle he wrote in was a tan Ciera at 2:18 a.m.  Under the plate number he put DLR - I figure they stopped him or shot him before he could finish fillin' out the tag number.	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	So I got the state lookin' for a Ciera with a tag startin' DLR.  They don't got no match yet.
-So I got the state lookin' for a Ciera with a tag startin' DLR.  They don't got no match yet.	I'm not sure I agree with you a hunnert percent on your policework, there, Lou.
-I'm not sure I agree with you a hunnert percent on your policework, there, Lou.	Yah?
-Yah?	Yah, I think that vehicle there probly had dealer plates. DLR?
-Yah, I think that vehicle there probly had dealer plates. DLR?	Oh...
-...Geez.	Yah. Say, Lou, ya hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J2L 4685?
-Yah. Say, Lou, ya hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J2L 4685?	Yah, that's a good one.
-Yah, that's a good one.	Yah.
-How we doin' on that vehicle?	No motels registered any tan Ciera last night. But the night before, two men checked into the Blue Ox registering a Ciera and leavin' the tag space blank.
-No motels registered any tan Ciera last night. But the night before, two men checked into the Blue Ox registering a Ciera and leavin' the tag space blank.	Geez, that's a good lead. The Blue Ox, that's that trucker's joint out there on I-35?
-Geez, that's a good lead. The Blue Ox, that's that trucker's joint out there on I-35?	Yah. Owner was on the desk then, said these two guys had company.
-Yah. Owner was on the desk then, said these two guys had company.	Oh, yah?
-...You can sleep, hon. It's early yet.	Gotta go?
-Gotta go?	Yah.
-I'll fix ya some eggs.	That's okay, hon. I gotta run.
-That's okay, hon. I gotta run.	Gotta eat a breakfast, Marge.  I'll fix ya some eggs.
-Gotta eat a breakfast, Marge.  I'll fix ya some eggs.	Aw, you can sleep, hon.
-Aw, you can sleep, hon.	Ya gotta eat a breakfast...
-...I'll fix ya some eggs.	Aw, Norm.
-Yah, yah, course I remember.  How are ya? What time is it?	Oh, geez. It's quarter to eleven.  I hope I dint wake you.
-Oh, geez. It's quarter to eleven.  I hope I dint wake you.	No, that's okay.
-No, that's okay.	Yah, I'm down in the Twin Cities and I was just watching on TV about these shootings up in Brainerd, and I saw you on the news there.
-Yah, I'm down in the Twin Cities and I was just watching on TV about these shootings up in Brainerd, and I saw you on the news there.	Yah.
-Yah.	I thought, geez, is that Margie Olmstead? I can't believe it!
-I thought, geez, is that Margie Olmstead? I can't believe it!	Yah, that's me.
-Yah, that's me.	Well, how the heck are ya?
-Well, how the heck are ya?	Okay, ya know. Okay.
-Okay, ya know. Okay.	Yah?
-Yah?	Yah - how are you doon?
-Yah - how are you doon?	Oh, pretty good.
-Oh, pretty good.	Heck, it's been such a long time, Mike. It's great to hear from ya.
-Heck, it's been such a long time, Mike. It's great to hear from ya.	Yah... Yah, yah. Geeze, Margie!
-Geez! You look great!	Yah - easy there - you do too!  I'm expecting, ya know.
-Yah - easy there - you do too!  I'm expecting, ya know.	I see that! That's great!
-...What can I get ya?	Just a Diet Coke.
-...This is a nice place.	Yah, ya know it's the Radisson, so it's pretty good.
-Yah, ya know it's the Radisson, so it's pretty good.	You're livin' in Edina, then?
-You're livin' in Edina, then?	Oh, yah, couple years now. It's actually Eden Prarie - that school district. So Chief Gunderson, then! So ya went and married Norm Son-of- a-Gunderson!
-Oh, yah, couple years now. It's actually Eden Prarie - that school district. So Chief Gunderson, then! So ya went and married Norm Son-of- a-Gunderson!	Oh, yah, a long time ago.
-Oh, yah, a long time ago.	Great. What brings ya down - are ya down here on that homicide - if you're allowed, ya know, to discuss that?
-Great. What brings ya down - are ya down here on that homicide - if you're allowed, ya know, to discuss that?	Oh, yah, but there's not a heckuva lot to discuss. What about you, Mike? Are you married - you have kids?
-Oh, yah, but there's not a heckuva lot to discuss. What about you, Mike? Are you married - you have kids?	Well, yah, I was married. I was married to - You mind if I sit over here?
-...I was married to Linda Cooksey -	No, I - Mike - wyncha sit over there, I'd prefer that.
-No, I - Mike - wyncha sit over there, I'd prefer that.	Huh? Oh, okay, I'm sorry.
-Huh? Oh, okay, I'm sorry.	No, just so I can see ya, ya know. Don't have to turn my neck.
-No, just so I can see ya, ya know. Don't have to turn my neck.	Oh, sure, I unnerstand, I didn't mean to -
-Oh, sure, I unnerstand, I didn't mean to -	No, no, that's fine.
-No, no, that's fine.	Yah, sorry, so I was married to Linda Cooksey - ya remember Linda?  She was a year behind us.
-Yah, sorry, so I was married to Linda Cooksey - ya remember Linda?  She was a year behind us.	I think I remember Linda, yah.  She was - yah. So things didn't work out, huh?
-I think I remember Linda, yah.  She was - yah. So things didn't work out, huh?	And then I, and then I been workin' for Honeywell for a few years now.
-And then I, and then I been workin' for Honeywell for a few years now.	Well, they're a good outfit.
-Well, they're a good outfit.	Yah, if you're an engineer, yah, you could do a lot worse. Of course, it's not, uh, it's nothin' like your achievement.
-Yah, if you're an engineer, yah, you could do a lot worse. Of course, it's not, uh, it's nothin' like your achievement.	It sounds like you're doin' really super.
-It sounds like you're doin' really super.	Yah, well, I, uh... it's not that it didn't work out - Linda passed away. She, uh...
-Yah, well, I, uh... it's not that it didn't work out - Linda passed away. She, uh...	I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.	Yah, I, uh... She had leukemia, you know...
-Yah, I, uh... She had leukemia, you know...	No, I didn't...
-No, I didn't...	It was a tough, uh... it was a long - She fought real hard, Marge...
-It was a tough, uh... it was a long - She fought real hard, Marge...	I'm sorry, Mike.
-I'm sorry, Mike.	Oh, ya know, that's, uh - what can I say?...
-Better times.	I was so... I been so... and then I saw you on TV, and I remembered, ya know... I always liked you...
-I was so... I been so... and then I saw you on TV, and I remembered, ya know... I always liked you...	Well, I always liked you, Mike.
-Well, I always liked you, Mike.	I always liked ya so much...
-I always liked ya so much...	It's okay, Mike - Should we get together another time, ya think?
-It's okay, Mike - Should we get together another time, ya think?	No - I'm sorry! It's just - I been so lonely - then I saw you, and...
-...I'm sorry... I shouldn't a done this... I thought we'd have a really terrific time, and now I've...	It's okay...
-It's okay...	You were such a super lady...  and then I... I been so lonely...
-You were such a super lady...  and then I... I been so lonely...	It's okay, Mike...
-Nope.	Well, you do reside their at 1425 Fremont Terrace?
-Well, you do reside their at 1425 Fremont Terrace?	Yep.
-Yep.	Anyone else residing there?
-Anyone else residing there?	Nope.
-Nope.	Well, Mr. Proudfoot, this call came in past three in the morning.  It's just hard for me to believe you can't remember anyone calling.
-...Now, I know you've had some problems, struggling with the narcotics, some other entanglements, currently on parole -	So?
-So?	Well, associating with criminals, if you're the one they talked to, that right there would be a violation of your parole and would end with you back in Stillwater.
-Well, associating with criminals, if you're the one they talked to, that right there would be a violation of your parole and would end with you back in Stillwater.	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	Now, I saw some rough stuff on your priors, but nothing in the nature of a homicide...
-...I know you don't want to be an accessory to something like that.	Nope.
-Nope.	So you think you might remember who those folks were who called ya?
-Hello?	Yah, is this Marge?
-Yah, is this Marge?	Yah?
-Yah?	Margie Olmstead?
-Margie Olmstead?	...Well, yah. Who's this?
-...Well, yah. Who's this?	This is Mike Yanagita. Ya know - Mike Yanagita. Remember me?
-This is Mike Yanagita. Ya know - Mike Yanagita. Remember me?	...Mike Yanagita!
-...Hello?	Norm?
-No, I'm leavin' this mornin', back up to Brainerd.	Well, I'm sorry I won't see ya.
-Well, I'm sorry I won't see ya.	Mm. But ya think he's all right? saw him last night and he's -
-Mm. But ya think he's all right? saw him last night and he's -	What'd he say?
-What'd he say?	Well, it was nothin' specific he said, it just seemd like it all hit him really hard, his wife dyin' -
-Well, it was nothin' specific he said, it just seemd like it all hit him really hard, his wife dyin' -	His wife?
-His wife?	Linda.
-Linda.	No.
-No.	Linda Cooksey?
-Linda Cooksey?	No. No. No. They weren't - he, uh, he was bothering Linda for about, oh, for a good year.  Really pestering her, wouldn't leave her alone.
-No. No. No. They weren't - he, uh, he was bothering Linda for about, oh, for a good year.  Really pestering her, wouldn't leave her alone.	So... they didn't...
-So... they didn't...	No. No. They never married.  Mike's had psychiatric problems.
-No. No. They never married.  Mike's had psychiatric problems.	Oh. Oh, my.
-Oh. Oh, my.	Yah, he - he's been struggling. He's living with his parents now.
-Yah, he - he's been struggling. He's living with his parents now.	Oh. Geez.
-Oh. Geez.	Yah, Linda's fine. You should call her.
-Yah, Linda's fine. You should call her.	Geez. Well - geez. That's a suprise.
-His wife. This guy says she was kidnapped last Wednesday.	The day of our homicides.
-The day of our homicides.	Yah.
-And this guy is...	Lundegaard's father-in-law's accountant.
-Lundegaard's father-in-law's accountant.	Gustafson's accountant.
-Gustafson's accountant.	Yah.
-Yah.	But we still haven't found Gustafson.
-But we still haven't found Gustafson.	- looking.
-- looking.	Sorry - didn't copy.
-Sorry - didn't copy.	Still missing. We're looking.
-Still missing. We're looking.	Copy. And Lundegaard too.
-Copy. And Lundegaard too.	Yah. Where are ya, Margie?
-Oh, I'm almost back - I'm driving around Moose Lake.	Oh. Gary's loudmouth.
-Oh. Gary's loudmouth.	Yah, the loudmouth. So the whole state has it, Lundegaard and Gustafson?
-Yah, the loudmouth. So the whole state has it, Lundegaard and Gustafson?	Yah, it's over the wire, it's everywhere, they'll find 'em.
-Yah, it's over the wire, it's everywhere, they'll find 'em.	Copy.
-Copy.	We've got a -
-We've got a -	There's the car! There's the car!
-Whose car?	My car! My car! Tan Ciera!
-My car! My car! Tan Ciera!	Don't go in! Wait for back-up!
-...Chief Gunderson?	Copy. Yah, send me back-up!
-Copy. Yah, send me back-up!	Yes, ma'am. Are we the closest PD?
-Yes, ma'am. Are we the closest PD?	Yah, Menominie only has Chief Perpich and he takes February off to go to Boundary Waters.
-Thanks, hon. Time to shove off.	Love ya, Margie.
-Hon?	Yah?
-Yah?	Prowler needs a jump.
-Yah.	Thanks, hon.
-Thanks, hon.	You bet. Thanks for lunch. What do we got here, Arbie's?
-You bet. Thanks for lunch. What do we got here, Arbie's?	Uh-huh.
-...How's the paintin' goin'?	Pretty good. Found out the Hautmans are entering a painting this year.
-Pretty good. Found out the Hautmans are entering a painting this year.	Aw, hon, you're better'n them.
-Aw, hon, you're better'n them.	They're real good.
-They're real good.	They're good, Norm, but you're better'n them.
-They're good, Norm, but you're better'n them.	Yah, ya think?
-Yah, okay. How's the hotel?	Oh, pretty good. They bitin'?
-Oh, pretty good. They bitin'?	Yeah, couple a muskies. No pike yet. How d'you feel?
-Yeah, couple a muskies. No pike yet. How d'you feel?	Oh, fine.
-Oh, fine.	Not on your feet too much?
-Not on your feet too much?	No, no.
-No, no.	You shouldn't be on your feet too much, you got weight you're not used too. How's the food down there?
-You shouldn't be on your feet too much, you got weight you're not used too. How's the food down there?	Had dinner at a place called the King's Table. Buffet style. It was pretty darn good.
-Had dinner at a place called the King's Table. Buffet style. It was pretty darn good.	Was it reasonable?
-Was it reasonable?	Yah, not too bad. So it's nice up there?
-Yah, not too bad. So it's nice up there?	Yah, it's good. No pike yet, but it's good.
-They announced it?	Yah.
-...So?	Three-cent stamp.
-Three-cent stamp.	Your mallard?
-Your mallard?	Yah.
-Yah.	Norm, that's terrific!
-It's just the three cent.	It's terrific!
-It's terrific!	Hautman's blue-winged teal got the twenty-nine cent. People don't much use the three-cent.
-Hautman's blue-winged teal got the twenty-nine cent. People don't much use the three-cent.	Oh, for Pete's - a course they do! Every time they raise the darned postage, people need the little stamps!
-Oh, for Pete's - a course they do! Every time they raise the darned postage, people need the little stamps!	Yah.
-Yah.	When they're stuck with a bunch a the old ones!
-When they're stuck with a bunch a the old ones!	Yah, I guess.
-Yah, I guess.	That's terrific.
-I love you, Margie.	I love you, Norm.
-Uh-huh.	We called his house; his little boy said he hadn't been there.
-We called his house; his little boy said he hadn't been there.	And his wife?
-And his wife?	She's visiting relatives in Florida. Now his boss, this guy Gustafson, he's also disappeared. Nobody at his office knows where he is.
-She's visiting relatives in Florida. Now his boss, this guy Gustafson, he's also disappeared. Nobody at his office knows where he is.	Geez. Looks like this thing goes higher than we thought. You call his home?
-Geez. Looks like this thing goes higher than we thought. You call his home?	His wife's in the hospital, has been for a couple months. The big C.
-His wife's in the hospital, has been for a couple months. The big C.	Oh, my.
-Oh, my.	And this Shep Proudfoot character, he's a little darling. He's now wanted for assault and parole violation. He clobbered a neighbor of his last night and another person who could be one of your perps, and he's at large.
-And this Shep Proudfoot character, he's a little darling. He's now wanted for assault and parole violation. He clobbered a neighbor of his last night and another person who could be one of your perps, and he's at large.	Boy, this thing is really... geez.
-Boy, this thing is really... geez.	Well, they're all out on the wire. Well, you know...
-Well, they're all out on the wire. Well, you know...	Yah. Well, I just can't thank you enough, Detective Sibert, this cooperation has been outstanding.
-This is do-able.	Congratulations, Jerry.
-What the heck, Jerry, if I wanted bank interest on seven hunnert'n fifty thousand I'd go to Midwest Federal. Talk to Bill Diehl.	He's at Norstar.
-He's at Norstar.	He's at -
-I gotta tell ya, Wade, I'm leanin' to Jerry's viewpoint here.	Well -
-Well -	We gotta protect Jean. These - we're not holdin' any cards here, Wade, they got all of 'em. So they call the shots.
-I'm tellin' ya.	Well... Why don't we...
-That wouldn't interest you.	Where's Tyler?
-Where's Tyler?	The first rule of Project --
-The first rule of Project --	Right, right.
-What... ?	The garden.  Take him there.  Move, people.  Let's do this!
-Get your hands off him!  Get off...! What the hell do you think you're doing... ? Evidence?!  This is a man... !  You killed him!	He was killed in action.
-He was killed in action.	No!  Look at you!  You're... you're running around in ski masks, exploding things...
-No!  Look at you!  You're... you're running around in ski masks, exploding things...	He was killed serving Project Mayhem.
-I need to know where Tyler is.  Can't you help me?	Sir, you're disturbing the other patrons with your laudish behavior.
-Sir, you're disturbing the other patrons with your laudish behavior.	There's no one else here.
-There's no one else here.	I'm sorry, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
-I'm sorry, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.	Look at my face.  I'm a member.  I just need to know if you've seen Tyler Durden.
-Look at my face.  I'm a member.  I just need to know if you've seen Tyler Durden.	I'm not disclosed to bespeak any such information to you, nor would I, even if I had said information you want, at this juncture be able.
-You are a moron.	I'm afraid I have to insist you leave.
-This was a support group for men with testicular cancer.  The big moosie slobbering all over me was Bob.	We're still men.
-We're still men.	Yes.  We're men.  Men is what we are.
-Yes.  We're men.  Men is what we are.	Six months ago, Bob's testicles were removed.  Then hormone therapy.  He developed bitch tits because his testosterone was too high and his body upped the estrogen.  That was where my head fit -- into his huge, sweating tits that hung enormous, the way we think of God's as big.
-Six months ago, Bob's testicles were removed.  Then hormone therapy.  He developed bitch tits because his testosterone was too high and his body upped the estrogen.  That was where my head fit -- into his huge, sweating tits that hung enormous, the way we think of God's as big.	They're gonna have to open my pec's again to drain the fluid.
-Bob was a champion bodybuilder.  You know that chest expansion program you see on TV?  That was his idea.	...using steroids.  I was a juicer. Diabonol, then, Wisterol -- it's for racehorses, for Christsake.  Now I'm bankrupt, divorced, my two grown kids won't return my calls...
-...using steroids.  I was a juicer. Diabonol, then, Wisterol -- it's for racehorses, for Christsake.  Now I'm bankrupt, divorced, my two grown kids won't return my calls...	Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one.
-Cornelius!  How are you?	Bob.  I'm okay.  How are you?
-Bob.  I'm okay.  How are you?	Better than I've ever been in my life.
-Better than I've ever been in my life.	"Really?  Great.  Still ""Remaining Men Together?"""
-No.  I found something new.	Really, what's that?
-Really, what's that?	The first rule is... you aren't supposed to talk about it...
-The first rule is... you aren't supposed to talk about it...	Oh.
-Oh.	And the second rule about it is... you're not supposed to talk about it. And the third rule...
-And the second rule about it is... you're not supposed to talk about it. And the third rule...	Bob, Bob... I'm a member.
-Bob, Bob... I'm a member.	You are?!
-You are?!	Look at my face.
-That's a fucking great, man!  Fucking great! Congratulations.	Yeah, both of us.
-Yeah, both of us.	You know about the guy who invented it? I hear all kinds of things. Supposedly, he was born in a mental institution.  They say he only sleeps one hour a night.  You know about this guy?  Tyler Durden?
-"I'm going to need you out-of-town a little more this week.  We've got some ""red-flags"" to cover."	"It must've been Tuesday.  he was wearing his ""cornflower-blue"" tie."
-"It must've been Tuesday.  he was wearing his ""cornflower-blue"" tie."	You want me to de-prioritize my current reports until you advise of a status upgrade?
-You want me to de-prioritize my current reports until you advise of a status upgrade?	"You need to make these your primary ""action items."""
-"You need to make these your primary ""action items."""	He was full of pep.  Must've had his grande latte enema.
-He was full of pep.  Must've had his grande latte enema.	Here are your flight coupons.  Call me from the road if there are any snags.  Your itinerary...
-After fight club, everything else in your life gets the volume turned down.  You can deal with anything.	Have you finished those reports?
-Have you finished those reports?	Yes.
-Is that your blood?	Some of it, yes.
-I must've left the original in the copy machine.	"""The second rule of fight club... Is this yours?"
-"""The second rule of fight club... Is this yours?"	Hmm?
-Hmm?	You don't get paid to abuse the copy machine.
-You don't get paid to abuse the copy machine.	"""Abuse"" the copy machine.  There's an image."
-"""Abuse"" the copy machine.  There's an image."	Pretend you're me.  You find this. What would you do?
-We need to talk.	Okay.  Where to begin?  With your constant absenteeism?  With your unpresentable appearance?  You're up for review...
-Okay.  Where to begin?  With your constant absenteeism?  With your unpresentable appearance?  You're up for review...	I Am Jack's Complete Lack of Surprise.
-Let's pretend.  You're the Department of Transportation, and you discover that our company intentionally did nothing about leather seats cured in third world countries with chemicals we know cause birth defects?  Brake linings that fail after a thousand miles.  Fuel injectors that burn people alive.	Just who the fuck do you think you are?!  Get out!  You're fired!
-Just who the fuck do you think you are?!  Get out!  You're fired!	What about this?  Keep me on payroll as an outside consultant.  In exchange for my salary, I'll keep my mouth shut.  I won't need to come to the office.  I can do this job from home.
-"This is Detective Stern with the arson unit.  We have some new information about the ""incident"" at your condo."	Yes?
-Yes?	I don't know if you're aware... your front door -- it seems someone sprayed freon into the lock, then tapped it with a chisel to shatter the cylinder.
-I don't know if you're aware... your front door -- it seems someone sprayed freon into the lock, then tapped it with a chisel to shatter the cylinder.	No, I wasn't aware...
-No, I wasn't aware...	I am Jack's Cold Sweat.
-I am Jack's Cold Sweat.	Does this sound strange to you?
-Does this sound strange to you?	Yes, sire, strange.  Very strange.
-The dynamite...	Dynamite?
-Dynamite?	Yes.  It left a residue of ammonium oxalate and potassium perchloride. Do you know what that means?
-Yes.  It left a residue of ammonium oxalate and potassium perchloride. Do you know what that means?	What does that mean?
-What does that mean?	It means it was homemade.
-It means it was homemade.	This is... really a shock...
-This is... really a shock...	Whoever set this homemade dynamite could've blown out the pilot light days before the explosion.  The gas, it seems, was just a detonator.
-Whoever set this homemade dynamite could've blown out the pilot light days before the explosion.  The gas, it seems, was just a detonator.	Who do you think could've done this?
-Who do you think could've done this?	I'll ask the questions, son.
-No.  No, sir.  I loved that condo. I loved every stick of furniture. The lamps, the chairs, the rugs, were me.  The dishes were me.  The plants were...	I'd like to thank the academy...
-I'd like to thank the academy...	Well, if any ideas come to you, give me a call.  In the meantime, don't leave town.  I may need to bring you in for questioning.
-No, you can't die of insomnia.	Maybe I died already.  Look at my face.
-Maybe I died already.  Look at my face.	You need to lighten up.
-You need to lighten up.	Can't you give me something?
-Can't you give me something?	Red-and-blue Tuinal, lipstick-red Seconals.
-Red-and-blue Tuinal, lipstick-red Seconals.	You need healthy, natural sleep. Chew valerian root and get some more exercise.
-I'm in pain.	You want to see pain?  Swing by First Methodist Tuesday nights.  See the guys with testicular cancer.  That's pain.
-We need to talk.	Sure.
-Sure.	I'm on to you.  You're a faker.  You aren't dying.
-I'm on to you.  You're a faker.  You aren't dying.	What?
-What?	Okay, in the Sylvia Plath philosophy way, we're all dying.  But you're not dying the way Chloe is dying.
-And I saw you practicing this...	Practicing what?
-Practicing what?	"Telling me off.  Is it going as well as you hoped... ?  ""... Mr. Taylor."""
-"Telling me off.  Is it going as well as you hoped... ?  ""... Mr. Taylor."""	I'll expose you.
-I'll expose you.	Go ahead.  I'll expose you.
-Why are you doing this?	It's cheaper than a movie, and there's free coffee.
-It's cheaper than a movie, and there's free coffee.	These are my groups.  I was here first.  I've been coming for a year.
-These are my groups.  I was here first.  I've been coming for a year.	A year?  How'd you manage that?
-A year?  How'd you manage that?	Anyone who might've noticed either died or recovered and never came back.
-I... I don't know.  I guess... when people think you're dying, they really listen, instead...	-- Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.
--- Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.	Yeah.
-It becomes an addiction.	Really?
-Look, I can't cry with a faker present.	Candy-stripe a cancer ward.  It's not my problem.
-Candy-stripe a cancer ward.  It's not my problem.	Please.  Can't we do something... ?
-We'll split up the week.  You can have lymphoma, tuberculosis and --	You take tuberculosis.  My smoking doesn't go over at all.
-You take tuberculosis.  My smoking doesn't go over at all.	I think testicular cancer should be no contest.
-I think testicular cancer should be no contest.	Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you.  You still have your balls.
-Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you.  You still have your balls.	You're kidding.
-You're kidding.	I don't know -- am I?
-I'll take the parasites.	You can't have both parasites.  You can take blood parasites --
-You can't have both parasites.  You can take blood parasites --	I want brain parasites.
-I want brain parasites.	Okay.  I'll take blood parasites and organic brain dementia --
-Okay.  I'll take blood parasites and organic brain dementia --	I want that.
-I want that.	You can't have the whole brain!
-You can't have the whole brain!	So far, you have four and I only have two!
-So far, you have four and I only have two!	Then, take blood parasites.  It's yours.  Now we each have three.
-So, we each have three -- that's six. What about the seventh day?  I want ascending bowel cancer.	The girl had done her homework.
-That's your favorite, too?  Tried to slip it by me, eh?	We'll split it.  You get it the first and third Sunday of the month.
-We'll split it.  You get it the first and third Sunday of the month.	Deal.
-Looks like this is goodbye.	Let's not make a big thing out of it.
-Um... Marla, should we maybe exchange numbers?	Should we?
-Should we?	In case we want to switch nights.
-In case we want to switch nights.	I suppose.
-Where have you been the last few weeks?	Marla?
-How did you find me?	The forwarding number.  I haven't seen you at any support groups.
-The forwarding number.  I haven't seen you at any support groups.	That's the idea -- we split them.
-That's the idea -- we split them.	You haven't been going to yours.
-You haven't been going to yours.	I found a new one.
-I found a new one.	Really?
-Really?	It's for men.
-It's for men.	Like testicular cancer?
-Like testicular cancer?	Look, this is a bad time...
-Look, this is a bad time...	I've been going to debtor's anonymous.  You want to see some truly fucked up people?
-I've been going to debtor's anonymous.  You want to see some truly fucked up people?	I'm just on my way out...
-I'm just on my way out...	Me too.  I got a stomach full of Xanax.  I took what was left of a bottle.  Might've been too much.
-Picture yourself watching Marla Singer throw herself around her crummy apartment.	This isn't a for-real suicide thing. This is probably one of those cry-for- help things.
-This isn't a for-real suicide thing. This is probably one of those cry-for- help things.	This could go on for hours.
-This could go on for hours.	So you're staying in tonight?
-So you're staying in tonight?	Do you want to wait to hear me describe death?
-What are you doing here?	What... ?
-What... ?	What the hell are you doing here?
-Except for their humping, Tyler and Marla were never in the same room.	I got this dress at a thrift store for one dollar.
-I got this dress at a thrift store for one dollar.	Worth every penny.
-Like sex crime victims, underwear inside-out, bound with electrical tape.	It suits you.
-It's time for you to leave.	Don't worry, I'm leaving.
-You're such a nutcase, I can't even begin to keep up.	Goodbye.
-What are you talking about?	Would you do something for me?  I need you to check and see if there's a lump in my breast.  I can't afford to throw money away on a doctor.
-Would you do something for me?  I need you to check and see if there's a lump in my breast.  I can't afford to throw money away on a doctor.	I don't know ...
-I don't know ...	Please.
-Please.	She didn't call Tyler.  I'm neutral in her book.
-"This is a sweet side of you.  Picking these up for ...  ""Mrs. Haniver"" and... ""Mrs. Raines."" Where are they?"	Tragically, they're dead.  I'm alive and I'm in poverty.  You want any?
-Tragically, they're dead.  I'm alive and I'm in poverty.  You want any?	No, thanks.
-No, thanks.	Good.
-Where?  Here?	Here.
-Here.	There?
-There?	Here.
-Here.	Here.
-Here.	Feel anything?
-Feel anything?	No.
-Make sure.	Okay.  Okay, I'm sure.
-Okay.  Okay, I'm sure.	You feel nothing?
-You feel nothing?	Nothing.
-Well, that's a relief.  Thank you.	No... no problem.
-No... no problem.	I wish I could return the favor.
-I think everything's okay here.	I could check your prostate.
-I could check your prostate.	Uh ... nah.
-Uh ... nah.	Well... thanks, anyway.
-You... don't have to... leave.	Whatever.
-Whatever.	Really... I mean it.  Have you been going to your groups?
-Really... I mean it.  Have you been going to your groups?	Chloe's dead.
-Chloe's dead.	When?
-When?	Do you care?
-Do you care?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	It was the smart move on her part.
-I don't understand.  Why does a weak person have to go out and find a strong person... to hang onto?	What do you get out of it?
-You hear that?	Hear what?
-Hear what?	That... sawing and hammering.
-That... sawing and hammering.	Have we been talking too long?  Must we change the subject?
-No.	That day you came over to my place to play doctor... what was going on there?
-What is this?  Who did this?	... A person.
-... A person.	Guy or girl?
-Guy or girl?	Why would you ask if it's a guy or a girl?!
-Why would you ask if it's a guy or a girl?!	Why would you get bent if I asked?
-Why would you get bent if I asked?	Let go of me...  Leave me alone.
-Let go of me...  Leave me alone.	You're afraid to say.
-The Paper Street Soap Company.	Can I come in?
-Can I come in?	He's not here.
-He's not here.	What?
-What?	He's not here!  Tyler's not here anymore!  He's gone away!
-Yeah?	Marla, it's me.  Have we... have we ever had sex?
-Marla, it's me.  Have we... have we ever had sex?	What kind of stupid question is that?!
-What kind of stupid question is that?!	"Because the answer's ""yes"" or because the answer's ""no?"""
-"Because the answer's ""yes"" or because the answer's ""no?"""	Is this a trick?
-Is this a trick?	Will you just answer me, for Christsake?!
-Will you just answer me, for Christsake?!	You mean, you want to know if I think we were just having sex or making love?
-You mean, you want to know if I think we were just having sex or making love?	We did make love?
-We did make love?	Is that what you're calling it?
-Is that what you're calling it?	Answer the question!
-Answer the question!	You fuck me, then snub me.  You love me, you hate me.  You show me your sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole!  Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?
-You fuck me, then snub me.  You love me, you hate me.  You show me your sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole!  Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?	We've just lost cabin pressure.
-We've just lost cabin pressure.	What did you say... ?
-What did you say... ?	What is wrong with you?
-What is wrong with you?	Say my name.
-Say my name.	What... ?
-What... ?	Say my name!  What's my name!?
-Say my name!  What's my name!?	Tyler Durden!  Tyler Durden, you fucking freak.  What's going on?  I'm coming over there...
-Tyler Durden!  Tyler Durden, you fucking freak.  What's going on?  I'm coming over there...	Marla, no, wait...
-Marla...	Your whacked-out, bald freaks hit me with a fucking broom.  I thought they were going to break my arm.
-Your whacked-out, bald freaks hit me with a fucking broom.  I thought they were going to break my arm.	I'm sorry, I...
-I'm sorry, I...	The were burning their fingertips with lye.  The stink was unbelievable.
-The were burning their fingertips with lye.  The stink was unbelievable.	Marla... I need to talk to you.  It's going to take a tremendous act of faith on your part for you to hear me out.
-Marla... I need to talk to you.  It's going to take a tremendous act of faith on your part for you to hear me out.	Here comes an avalanche of bullshit.
-I don't want to hear anything you've got to say.	Give me a minute, Marla, alright... just sixty seconds.
-Give me a minute, Marla, alright... just sixty seconds.	Sixty seconds, then I'm out of here.
-Sixty seconds, then I'm out of here.	Absolutely, you have every right.  I need you to do me a favor.
-Absolutely, you have every right.  I need you to do me a favor.	I've done you enough favors.
-Because... I'm Tyler Durden.	Then, I'll have the clam chowder... fried chicken and a baked potato with everything and a chocolate chiffon pie.
-You got about thirty seconds.	I know that I've been... unwell.  I know it's been like there's two sides to me.
-I know that I've been... unwell.  I know it's been like there's two sides to me.	Two sides?  You're Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Jackass.
-Two sides?  You're Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Jackass.	I deserve that.  Anyway, I've... I've only just realized
-I deserve that.  Anyway, I've... I've only just realized	What?
-What?	I mean, the depth and breadth of our relationship has only recently been illuminated for me.  I know this... I know us hasn't been such a great thing for you...
-I mean, the depth and breadth of our relationship has only recently been illuminated for me.  I know this... I know us hasn't been such a great thing for you...	Whatever.  I'll take my food to go...
-I'm trying to tell you -- and this is where you have to trust me -- but, I think your life might be in real danger.	What?
-What?	You have to get out of here.  Leave as soon as possible.  Go to any rural town, away from any major city...
-You have to get out of here.  Leave as soon as possible.  Go to any rural town, away from any major city...	You are an insane person.
-You are an insane person.	Marla...
-Marla...	No, no, shut up!  I've had enough. I tried, Tyler... I have tried...
-There's a part of you I really like, but I can't do this anymore.  I just can't.  This is killing me...	I'm sorry, but I...
-I'm sorry, but I...	What?!  You're sorry?  I don't believe that for a minute.
-Let go of me!	Do this for me, Marla.  Do this for me, if you never do anything else...
-Leave me alone!  I don't ever want to see you again!	Okay, if that's what it takes, you'll never have to see me again.  Here... here...
-Tyler...	I'm begging you.  Get on the bus. Get on the bus.
-Why are you doing this?	I can't let myself see where you're going.  Go wherever it takes you, remember... keep away from major cities...
-"I'm not paying this back.  I consider it ""asshole tax."""	Yes, fine.  Just, get on.  Stay away a couple of weeks, at least.
-What happened... ?	Don't ask.
-My God, you're shot...	Yes.
-Who did this to you?	I did, I think.  But, I'm okay... I'm fine...
-Hello?	Who's this?
-Who's this?	Tyler?
-Tyler?	Who's this?
-Who's this?	Uh... I'm sorry.  We met on the plane.  We had the same briefcase. I'm... you know, the clever guy.
-Uh... I'm sorry.  We met on the plane.  We had the same briefcase. I'm... you know, the clever guy.	Oh, yeah.
-Oh, yeah.	I just called a second ago.  There was no answer.  I'm at a payphone.
-I just called a second ago.  There was no answer.  I'm at a payphone.	I star-sixty-nined you.  I never pick up my phone.  What's up?
-I star-sixty-nined you.  I never pick up my phone.  What's up?	Well... let me see... here's the thing...
-... and you come home to this.	You fucking slut!!
-How have you been?	... You know me?
-... You know me?	Is this a test, sir?
-Is this a test, sir?	Yes... it's a test.
-Yes... it's a test.	You were in here last Thursday night.
-You were in here last Thursday night.	What?
-What?	You were standing right where you are now, asking how good our security is. It's tight as a drum.
-You were standing right where you are now, asking how good our security is. It's tight as a drum.	Who do you think I am?
-Who do you think I am?	Is this part of the test?
-You're the one who did this to me. You're Mr. Durden, sir.  Tyler Durden.	Please return your seatbacks to their full upright and locked position.
-Throwers don't worry about ticking. Modern bombs don't tick.	"Excuse me?  ""Throwers?"""
-"Excuse me?  ""Throwers?"""	Baggage handlers.  But when a suitcase vibrates, the throwers have to call the police.
-Baggage handlers.  But when a suitcase vibrates, the throwers have to call the police.	My suitcase was vibrating?
-My suitcase was vibrating?	"Nine time out of ten, it's an electric razor.  But, every once in a while ...  ...it's a dildo.  It's airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo.  We use the indefinite aricle: ""A dildo.""  Never ""Your dildo."""
-I had everything in that bag.  My C.K. shirts... my D.K.N.Y. shoes...	Yeah, uh huh... yeah?  Oh...
-Tonight, we're going to open the green door -- the heart chakra...	I wasn't really dying, I wasn't host to cancer or parasites; I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around.
-I wasn't really dying, I wasn't host to cancer or parasites; I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around.	...And you open the door and you step inside.  We're inside our hearts.  Now, imaging your pain as a white ball of healing light.  That's right, the pain itself is a ball of healing light.
-"-- But, in here, in everyone, there's the squint of a five-day headache. Yet they forced themselves to be positive.  They never said ""parasite;"" they said ""agent.""  They always talked about getting better."	Okay, everyone.
-If I did have a tumor, I'd name it Marla.  Marla...the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't.	Now, find your power animal.
-Tell the other person how you feel.	You're a tourist.  I saw you at melanoma, tuberculosis and testicular cancer.
-One minute.  This is the beginning.  We're at ground zero.  Maybe you should say a few words, to mark the occasion.	... i... ann....iinn.. ff....nnyin...
-It's getting exciting now.	That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both way.
-We have front row seats for this Theater of Mass Destruction.  The Demolitions Committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the foundation columns of ten buildings with blasting gelatin.  In two minutes, primary charges will blow base charges, and those buildings will be reduced to smoldering rubble.  I know this because Tyler knows this.	Look what we've accomplised.  Thirty seconds.
-Look what we've accomplised.  Thirty seconds.	Somehow, I realize all of this -- the gun, the bombs, the revolution -- is really about Marla Singer.
-Two, equal parts gasoline and diet cola.  Three, dissolve kitty-litter in gasoline until the mixture is thick.	Pardon me?
-This is how I met --	Tyler Durden.
-You know why they have oxygen masks on planes?	No, supply oxygen?
-No, supply oxygen?	Oxygen gets you high.  In a catastrophic emergency, we're taking giant, panicked breaths...
-What do you do, Tyler?	What do you want me to do?
-What do you want me to do?	I mean -- for a living.
-I mean -- for a living.	"Why?  So you can say, ""Oh, that's what you do."" -- And be a smug little shit about it?"
-You see, when you travel, everything is small, self-contained--	The spork.  I get it.  You're very clever.
-The spork.  I get it.  You're very clever.	Thank you.
-Thank you.	How's that working out for you?
-How's that working out for you?	What?
-What?	Being clever.
-Being clever.	Well, uh... great.
-Well, uh... great.	Keep it up, then.  Keep it right up.
-You buy furniture.  You tell yourself: this is the last sofa I'll ever need.  No matter what else happens, I've got the sofa issue handled.  Then, the right set of dishes.  The right dinette.	This is how we fill up our lives.
-I guess so.	And, now it's gone.
-And, now it's gone.	All gone.
-Could be worse.  A woman could cut off your penis while you're asleep and toss it out the window of a moving car.	There's always that.
-There's always that.	I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe it's a terrible tragedy.
-I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe it's a terrible tragedy.	...no ...no ...
-...no ...no ...	I mean, you did lose a lot of nice, neat little shit.  The trendy paper lamps, the Euro-trash shelving unit, am I right?
-But maybe, just maybe, you've been delivered.	Delivered from Swedish furniture.
-Delivered from Swedish furniture.	Delivered from armchairs in obscure green stripe patterns.
-Delivered from armchairs in obscure green stripe patterns.	Delivered from Martha Stewart.
-Delivered from Martha Stewart.	"Delivered from bullshit colors like ""Cobalt,"" ""Ebony,"" and ""Fuchsia."""
-Insurance'll cover it.	Oh, yeah, you gotta start making the list.
-Oh, yeah, you gotta start making the list.	What list?
-What list?	"The ""now I get to go out and buy the exact same stuff all over again"" list.  That list."
-"The ""now I get to go out and buy the exact same stuff all over again"" list.  That list."	I don't... think so.
-I don't... think so.	This time maybe get a widescreen TV. You'll be occupied for weeks.
-This time maybe get a widescreen TV. You'll be occupied for weeks.	Well, I have to file a claim...
-Well, I have to file a claim...	The things you own, they end up owning you.
-The things you own, they end up owning you.	Don't I?
-Don't I?	Do what you like.
-Do what you like.	God, it's late.  I should find a hotel...
-God, it's late.  I should find a hotel...	A hotel?
-A hotel?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	So, you called me up, because you just wanted to have a drink before you... go find a hotel?
-So, you called me up, because you just wanted to have a drink before you... go find a hotel?	I don't follow...
-I don't follow...	We're on our third pitcher of beer. Just ask me.
-We're on our third pitcher of beer. Just ask me.	Huh?
-Huh?	You called me so you could have a place to stay.
-You called me so you could have a place to stay.	No, I...
-No, I...	Why don't you cut the shit and ask if you can stay at my place?
-Why don't you cut the shit and ask if you can stay at my place?	Would that be a problem?
-Would that be a problem?	Is it a problem for you to ask?
-Is it a problem for you to ask?	Can I stay at your place?
-Can I stay at your place?	Yes, you can.
-Yes, you can.	Thank you.
-Thank you.	You're welcome.  But, I want you to do me one favor.
-You're welcome.  But, I want you to do me one favor.	What's that?
-What's that?	I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
-I want you to hit me as hard as you can.	What?
-What?	I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
-"They're called ""cigarette burns."""	"It's called a ""changeover.""  The movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea."
-"It's called a ""changeover.""  The movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea."	Why would anyone want this shitty job?
-Why would anyone want this shitty job?	It affords him other interesting opportunities.
-It affords him other interesting opportunities.	-- Like splicing single frames from adult movies into family films.
--- Like splicing single frames from adult movies into family films.	In reel three, right after the courageous dog and the snooty cag -- who have celebrity voices -- eat out of a garbage can, there's the flash of Tyler's contribution...
-One-forty-eighth of a second.  That's how long it's up there.	No one really knows that they've seen it. But they did.
-No one really knows that they've seen it. But they did.	A nice, big cock.
-A nice, big cock.	Only a hummingbird could have caught Tyler at work.
-He was the guerrilla terrorist of the food service industry.	Don't watch.  I can't if you watch.
-... Oh, yeah.  Oh, yeah.	He farted on meringue; he sneezed on braised endive; and, with creme of mushroom soup, well...
-He farted on meringue; he sneezed on braised endive; and, with creme of mushroom soup, well...	Go ahead.  Say it.
-Go ahead.  Say it.	You get the idea.
-I don't know about this.	I don't know, either.  I want to find out.  I've never been hit, have you?
-I don't know, either.  I want to find out.  I've never been hit, have you?	No.  That's a good thing, isn't it?
-No.  That's a good thing, isn't it?	I don't want to die without any scars.  How much can you really know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?  Come on... you're the only person I've ever asked.
-I don't want to die without any scars.  How much can you really know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?  Come on... you're the only person I've ever asked.	Me?
-Why not you?  I'm letting you go first.  Do it.	This is crazy.
-This is crazy.	Alright, go crazy.  Let 'er rip.
-Alright, go crazy.  Let 'er rip.	Where do you want it?  In the face?
-Where do you want it?  In the face?	Surprise me.
-Shit.  Sorry.  That didn't count.	Like hell.  That counted.
-How do you feel?	Strange.
-Strange.	But a good strange.
-But a good strange.	Is it?
-Is it?	We've crossed the threshold.  You want to call it off?
-We've crossed the threshold.  You want to call it off?	Call what off?
-Call what off?	The fight.
-The fight.	What fight?
-What fight?	This fight, pussy.
-If you could fight anyone... one on one, whoever you wanted, who would you fight?	Anyone?
-Anyone?	Anyone.
-My boss, probably.  Who would you fight?	My dad.  No question.
-Oh, yeah.  I didn't know my dad.  Well, I knew him, till I was six.  He went and married another woman, had more kids. Every six years or so he'd do it again -- new city, new family.	He was setting up franchises.  My father never went to college, so it was really important that I go.
-He was setting up franchises.  My father never went to college, so it was really important that I go.	I know that.
-I know that.	"After I graduated, I called him long distance and asked, ""Now what?""  He said, ""Get a job.""  When I turned twenty-five, I called him and asked, ""Now what?""  He said, ""I don't know. Get married."""
-"After I graduated, I called him long distance and asked, ""Now what?""  He said, ""Get a job.""  When I turned twenty-five, I called him and asked, ""Now what?""  He said, ""I don't know. Get married."""	Same here.
-Same here.	A generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is the answer we really need.
-Where's your car?	What car?
-What car?	I don't know how Tyler found the house, but he'd been there for half a year.
-The previous occupant had been a bit of a shut-in.	Hum.
-Hum.	What?
-What?	"Oh, a new riot control grenade...  ""...the successful combination of concussive, 3000 foot-candle flash- blasts and simultaneous high-velocity disbursement of...blah, blah, blah..."""
-"""I am Joe's Lungs.""  It's written in first person.  ""Without me, Joe could not take in oxygen to feed his red blood cells.""  There's a whole series -- ""I am Joe's Prostate."""	"""I get cancer, and I kill Joe."""
-What are you reading?	Soldier of Fortune.  Business Week. New Republic.
-Soldier of Fortune.  Business Week. New Republic.	Show-off.
-A guy came to fight club for the first time, his ass was a wad of cookie dough.  After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.	If you could fight any celebrity?
-If you could fight any celebrity?	Alive or dead?
-Alive or dead?	Doesn't matter.
-Doesn't matter.	Hemingway.  You?
-Hemingway.  You?	Shatner.  William Shatner.
-Fight club became the reason to cut your hair short and trim your fingernails.	Any historical figure.
-Any historical figure.	Okay... Ghandi.
-Okay... Ghandi.	Good answer.
-Good answer.	You?
-You?	Abe Lincoln.  Big reach.  Skinny guys fight till they're burger.
-Unbelievable, huh?	He was obviously able to handle it.
-I mean, this girl... uh, you're not into her or anything... ?	No.  Not at all.
-You're sure?	Yeah, I'm sure.
-Yeah, I'm sure.	Good.  This chick was up on the table with her legs in the stirrups before the doctor even walked in the room. The things that she said... I've never heard a woman talk like that...
-You're okay with this?	I'm fine.
-She is a wild, twisted bitch.  Stay away from that one.	Oh, and my pace is more librarians.
-Oh, and my pace is more librarians.	Hey... don't knock librarians.
-Hey... don't knock librarians.	Marla doesn't need a lover.  She needs a case worker.
-Marla doesn't need a lover.  She needs a case worker.	She needs an exorcist.  This isn't love.  This is sport-fucking.
-She needs an exorcist.  This isn't love.  This is sport-fucking.	She'd invaded my support groups, now she's invading my home.
-She'd invaded my support groups, now she's invading my home.	Listen... do me a favor... sit here a minute...
-What?	You've gotta understand something about me.  I have a little rule, okay?  Don't ever talk to her about me.  Ever.  I can't stand that kind of shit.
-If you ever say anything about me or about what happens here in this house, to her or anyone -- I will find out.  And you'll never see me again.  Promise me.	Okay.
-Okay.	Promise you won't.
-Promise you won't.	Yes, I promise.
-Yes, I promise.	Promise?
-Promise?	I said I promise!
-I said I promise!	That was three times you promised.
-You want to finish her off?	Uh... nah...
-Huh?	"""The liberator who destroyed my property has re-aligned my paradigm of perception."""
-"""The liberator who destroyed my property has re-aligned my paradigm of perception."""	Shhhhhh!  I don't know what to make of this, sir, I really don't...
-You get rid of her.	Don't mention me.
-What is this place?	A liposuction clinic.
-As the fat renders, the tallow floats to the surface.  Remember the crap they taught you in Boy Scouts.	Hard to imagine you in Boy Scouts.
-Hard to imagine you in Boy Scouts.	This clear layer in glycerin.  We'll mix it back in when we make the soap.
-Tyler's kiss was a bonfire on the back of my hand.	Look at your hand.
-Look at your hand.	Guided meditation worked for cancer, it could work for this.
-Stop it.  This is your pain -- your burning hand.  It's right here.  Look at it.	I was going to my cave to find my power animal.
-I... I think I understand.  I think I get it...	No, what you're feeling is premature enlightenment.
-This is the greatest moment of your life and you're off somewhere, missing it.	No, I'm not...
-No, I'm not...	Shut up.  Our fathers were our models for God.  And, if our fathers bailed, what does that tell us about God?
-Shut up.  Our fathers were our models for God.  And, if our fathers bailed, what does that tell us about God?	I don't know...
-Listen to me.  You have to consider the possibility that God doesn't like you, he never wanted you.  In all probability, He hates you.  This is not the worst thing that can happen...	It isn't... ?
-It isn't... ?	We don't need him...
-We don't need him...	We don't... ?
-... Marla ... ?	Fuck damnation.  Fuck redemption.  We are God's unwanted children, with no special place and no special attention, and so be it.
-No thanks, I quit.	You quit?
-You quit?	Yeah.  Where you headed?
-Yeah.  Where you headed?	Work.  Going to work.
-What... ?	Nothing.  Do what you like.
-Six months advance pay.  Six months!	Fucking sweet.
-Fucking sweet.	Okay, and... and...
-There's fight club in Delaware City.	I heard.  Local 15, Monday nights.
-Local 8 just started in Penns Grove. And, Bob said he was at fight club in Newcastle last week.	Newcastle?  Did you start that one?
-Newcastle?  Did you start that one?	I thought you did.
-What are we doing?	Homework assignment.
-Homework assignment.	What is it?
-Tyler...	An expired community college student ID card.  What did you used to study, Raymond K. Hessel?
-I asked you what you studied.	Tell him!
-I feel sick.	Imagine how he feels.
-Hey.	Hey.
-Where did you go, Psycho-Boy?	I felt like destroying something beautiful.
-Something on your mind?	No.
-"Why wasn't I told about ""Project Mayhem?"""	What should I have told you?
-What should I have told you?	Why wasn't I involved from the beginning?  You and I started fight club together.
-Why wasn't I involved from the beginning?  You and I started fight club together.	Fight club was the beginning.  Now it's out of the basements and there's a name for it -- Project Mayhem.
-Is this a needlepoint club?  Is it about you and me?	You know what I mean.
-You know what I mean.	What do you want?  A statement of purpose... ?
-What do you want?  A statement of purpose... ?	Look...
-Look...	"Should I E-mail you?  Should I put this on your ""action item list?"""
-"Should I E-mail you?  Should I put this on your ""action item list?"""	I want to know --
-I want to know --	What do you want to know about Project Mayhem?
-This does not belong to us.  We are not the leaders.  We are not special.	What are you doing?!
-What are you doing?!	We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.  We are all part of the same compost heap...
-We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.  We are all part of the same compost heap...	Tyler...
-What the hell ... ?!	You choose your level of involvement. I won't make decisions for you.
-You choose your level of involvement. I won't make decisions for you.	I'm not asking you to.
-I'm not asking you to.	You're asking questions that don't have answers.  You know just as much about Project Mayhem as anybody else.
-You're asking questions that don't have answers.  You know just as much about Project Mayhem as anybody else.	I don't think that's true.
-I don't know!  Nothing!	If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?
-If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?	I would feel nothing about my life? Is that what you want to hear?!
-I want to hear the truth.	Fuck my life.  Fuck fight club.  Fuck you and fuck Marla.  I'm sick of this.  How's that?
-Fuck my life.  Fuck fight club.  Fuck you and fuck Marla.  I'm sick of this.  How's that?	Why do you think I blew up your condo?
-Why do you think I blew up your condo?	What?
-What?	Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat!  It's not a seminar!  You have to forget everything you know, everything you think you know -- about life, about friendship, about you and me.
-What are you talking about?	Nothing.
-This conversation...	... is over.
-... is over.	... is over.
-You're too young.  Sorry.	Wait a minute...
-"""Too young?"""	If the applicant is young, we tell him he's too young.  Old, too old. Fat, too fat.
-If the applicant is young, we tell him he's too young.  Old, too old. Fat, too fat.	"""Applicant?"""
-"""Applicant?"""	If the applicant waits at the door for three days without food, shelter or encouragement, then he can enter and begin training.
-If the applicant waits at the door for three days without food, shelter or encouragement, then he can enter and begin training.	"""Training?""  Tyler..."
-Four in Milwaukee.	What's this all about, Tyler?
-What's this all about, Tyler?	And, we're definitely filling a void in the rural South.
-And, we're definitely filling a void in the rural South.	Why do people think I'm you?
-Why do people think I'm you?	You broke your promise.  You talked to her about me.
-You broke your promise.  You talked to her about me.	Why do people think I'm Tyler Durden?
-Why do people think I'm Tyler Durden?	Why did you do that?
-Why did you do that?	Answer me, Tyler.
-Answer me, Tyler.	Why do people think anything?
-Why do people think anything?	I don't know!  Tell me!
-People think that you're me, because you and I happen to share the same body.	What... ?
-What... ?	Is this really news to you?
-Is this really news to you?	What are you talking about... ?
-What are you talking about... ?	Sometimes I control it, and you imagine yourself watching me...
-The first rule of fight club is -- you don't talk about fight club.	And, sometimes you control it...
-He's not here!  Tyler's not here anymore!  He's gone away!	You can see me and hear me, but no one else can...
-Oh, yeah.  I didn't really know my Dad...	But, when you fall asleep, I do things without you...
-There!  Happy?  I asked for one thing from you... one simple promise.  Now look what you've done!	This isn't possible...
-This isn't possible...	We're going to have to do something about Marla...
-We're going to have to do something about Marla...	What... what are you saying?
-What... what are you saying?	It's okay.  We okay... a little codependent, sure, but...
-No!  This isn't true.  We... we were around other people, together, both of us...	You never talked to me in front of anyone else.
-You never talked to me in front of anyone else.	Wrong, wrong -- what about the car crash... the two guys in the backseat?
-Wrong, wrong -- what about the car crash... the two guys in the backseat?	What about them?  They're lunatics.
-What about them?  They're lunatics.	You took me to the house.
-You took me to the house.	The house is rented in your name.
-The house is rented in your name.	You have jobs.
-You have jobs.	Night jobs -- while you were sleeping.
-Night jobs -- while you were sleeping.	What about Marla?
-What about Marla?	What about Marla?
-What about Marla?	She's... you... you're fucking her.
-She's... you... you're fucking her.	Um, well... technically, no.
-You could be standing under 37 stories of steel and concrete with a 150 gallons of nitroglycerin strapped to the support... oh, maybe it couldn't be...	You... you can't be serious about this.
-You... you can't be serious about this.	What a ridiculous thing to say.
-What a ridiculous thing to say.	I can't let you...
-I can't let you...	...go through with this? What are you going to do?
-...go through with this? What are you going to do?	I'm going to...
-I'm going to...	...stop me?
-...stop me?	I'm not going...
-I'm not going...	...to let this happen!
-...to let this happen!	Stop finishing...
-Stop finishing...	...your sentences!  They're our sentences.  Get your mind around that.
-What are you doing running through the streets in your underpants?  We both use that body.	Since when is Project Mayhem about murder?
-Since when is Project Mayhem about murder?	The buildings were evacuated thirty minutes ago.  Everything's proceeding exactly as planned.
-The buildings were evacuated thirty minutes ago.  Everything's proceeding exactly as planned.	You don't know that.  There could still be people inside.
-I wouldn't be doing that.  Unless you know which wires, in what order...	If you know, I know.
-If I'm wrong, we're both dead..	This is not about martyrdom.
-I'm pulling the green wire.	Green?  Did you say green?
-Yes...	Don't pull the green wire.  Pull anything but the green wire.
-Don't pull the green wire.  Pull anything but the green wire.	Fuck you.
-Fuck you.	I'm serious.  That's the wrong one.
-I've got everything.  The bombs.  The army.  I've got Marla.	Bob is dead, Tyler.  The police blew a hole in his head.  Was that part of your plan?
-"Bob was a grown man.  In any great struggle, there will be casualties. Wouldn't that be implicit in the name?  Project ""Mayhem."""	Fuck your struggle.  I want out.
-Fuck your struggle.  I want out.	You want out?
-You want out?	I quit.
-I quit.	Not an option, for the most obvious of reasons.  You need to get with the program.  Seven minutes.  Let's get out of here.
-Tyler...	What?
-What?	Defuse the bomb.
-Ask me nicely.	Defuse the bomb, please.
-Defuse the bomb, please.	Defuse the bomb?
-Defuse the bomb?	Yes.
-One minute.	I think this is about where we came in.
-I think this is about where we came in.	This is the beginning.  We're at ground zero.  Maybe you should say a few words, to mark the occasion.
-This is the beginning.  We're at ground zero.  Maybe you should say a few words, to mark the occasion.	i... ann....iinn.. ff....nnyin...
-Can't you call it off... ?	It's out of our hands.  This is it.
-It's out of our hands.  This is it.	Please...
-Please...	Fifteen seconds now.  Can you see alright?  10... 9... 8....
-What the fuck -- ?	Paraffin.
-Paraffin.	What?
-What?	Paraffin.  Your merry band mixed the nitro with paraffin.  I saw it floating in the bomb.
-Damn it!  God-damn it...	Not exactly according to plan.
-Not exactly according to plan.	Do we have to do everything ourselves?!
-NO...	Proceed with remote detonation.
-How'd you do that?!  You're a fucking figment of my imagination... you're psychogenic fugue state...	Fuck that, maybe you're my hallucination.
-Why... why... why... ?	Why what?
-Why what?	Why can't I get rid of you?  Why can't I just wish you away?
-Why can't I get rid of you?  Why can't I just wish you away?	You need me.
-You need me.	No, no, I don't.  I thank you, I really do.  Thank you, but I don't need you anymore.
-No, no, I don't.  I thank you, I really do.  Thank you, but I don't need you anymore.	Look, I can be selfish, I know that.  I'm not blind to my own failings...
-Look, I can be selfish, I know that.  I'm not blind to my own failings...	Noooo, please...
-From now on, we'll share Marla. We've been spending too much time apart...	... no, no, no...
-... no, no, no...	No more running off without you. From here on out, we do it together.
-No more running off without you. From here on out, we do it together.	Why are you doing this?!
-Why are you doing this?!	I'm doing this for us.
-I'm doing this for us.	Please understand... I've gotten all I can from this, Tyler.
-Please understand... I've gotten all I can from this, Tyler.	If I leave, you will be right back where I found you...
-If I leave, you will be right back where I found you...	I swear on my life, I won't...
-I swear on my life, I won't...	You will.  You know you will.
-What are you doing?	What have you left for me?
-What have you left for me?	Why do you want to do that? Why do you want to put that gun in your mouth?
-Why do you want to do that? Why do you want to put that gun in your mouth?	Not my mouth.  Our mouth.
-Why are you going with this, Ikea- boy?	It's the only way to get rid of you...
-Do something for me.	What?
-What?	Appreciate something.
-Appreciate something.	What?
-What?	Look at me...
-Look at me...	What?
-What?	My eyes are open.
-Who is this?	Maintenance.
-Maintenance.	Listen, something is going to happen, something terrible...
-Listen, something is going to happen, something terrible...	Very good, Sir.
-Very good, Sir.	Excuse me?
-Excuse me?	Don't worry about us, sir.  We're solid.
-Don't worry about us, sir.  We're solid.	Now wait, there's been a mix-up. Everything's changed...
-Now wait, there's been a mix-up. Everything's changed...	You told me you'd say that.
-You told me you'd say that.	Abort the plan.
-Abort the plan.	You told me you'd say that, too.
-You told me you'd say that, too.	Did I tell you I'd call you a fascist dickhead?!
-Did I tell you I'd call you a fascist dickhead?!	Well, sir, you said you might.
-It's what he would have wanted, sir.	What he wanted?  Look... look at him. Look at him!  What does he want?  This is a person.  This is not a cog in your machine...
-What he wanted?  Look... look at him. Look at him!  What does he want?  This is a person.  This is not a cog in your machine...	But, this is Project Mayhem.
-But, this is Project Mayhem.	No, no.  This is a man -- this man has a name...
-No, no.  This is a man -- this man has a name...	But, in Project Mayhem, we have no names.
-But, in Project Mayhem, we have no names.	No!  Wrong!  This man's name is Robert Paulson.
-No!  Wrong!  This man's name is Robert Paulson.	Robert Paulson?
-Robert Paulson?	Robert Paulson is dead.  He's dead, because of you...
-His name is Robert Paulson!	No!
-Who told you motherfuckers you could use my place?	We have a deal worked out with Irvine.
-We have a deal worked out with Irvine.	Irvine?  Irvine's at home with a broken collarbone.
-He don't own this place, I do.  How much money's he getting for this?	There is no money.
-There is no money.	Really?
-Really?	It's free to all.
-It's free to all.	Ain't that something?
-Ain't that something?	Yes, it is.
-Yes, it is.	Look, stupid fuck, I want everyone outta here now!
-Look, stupid fuck, I want everyone outta here now!	You're welcome to join our club.
-You're welcome to join our club.	Did you hear what I just said?!
-Did you hear what I just said?!	You and your friend.
-What are you doing?!	Pleeeeeease!
-Pleeeeeease!	Okay!  Okay, fuck it!  Use the basement!  Get off me!
-Okay!  Okay, fuck it!  Use the basement!  Get off me!	We need some towels, Lou.  We need replacement light bulbs.
-We need some towels, Lou.  We need replacement light bulbs.	Alright, Christ!  Fucking let me go!
-Alright, Christ!  Fucking let me go!	Thank you.  Thank you, sir...
-Thank you.  Thank you, sir...	Let go of me!!
-Raymond K. Hessel. 1320 SE Benning, apartment A.  A small, cramped basement apartment.	How'd you know?
-How'd you know?	They give basement apartments letters instead of numbers.  Raymond, you're going to die.
-Is this a picture of Mom and Dad?	Yesssss...
-Yesssss...	Your mom and dad will have to call kindly doctor so-and-so to dig up your dental records, because there won't be much left of your face.
-Your mom and dad will have to call kindly doctor so-and-so to dig up your dental records, because there won't be much left of your face.	Please, God, no...
-S-S-Stuff.	"""Stuff.""  Were the mid-terms hard?"
-Biology, mostly.	Why?
-Why?	I... I don't know...
-I... I don't know...	What did you want to be, Raymond K. Hessel?
-Animals.	Yeah ... animals and s-s-s ---
-Yeah ... animals and s-s-s ---	Stuff.  That means you have to get more schooling.
-Stuff.  That means you have to get more schooling.	Too much school.
-Would you rather be dead?	No, please, no, God, no!
-Kimberly Burroughs, eh?  What do you want?	I thought...I thought you might be able to help me.
-I thought...I thought you might be able to help me.	Yeah, how?
-Yeah, how?	I had a premonition about the Route 18 pile up... I saved some people. And now I think Death is after me.
-I had a premonition about the Route 18 pile up... I saved some people. And now I think Death is after me.	Nice work.  Maybe if you're real lucky, you'll wind up in here with me.  But I doubt you'll survive that long.
-It's not just about me.  Someone I saved died last night in a freak accident.  What if the others are in danger, too?	Well, if you put them on the list, they're already tits up.
-Well, if you put them on the list, they're already tits up.	What list?
-What list?	Death's list.  The precise order you're going to die in.
-The survivors of Flight 180 died in the exact order they were originally meant to die in the plane crash. That was Death's original design.	Exact order?  Then I'm next!  I was meant to die with my friends, so I'm next!
-Officer Burke pulled me away from the crash that killed my friends.	Congratufuckinglations.  That makes you last to go.  But don't worry, once the others are dead, it'll come back for you.  Always does.
-Congratufuckinglations.  That makes you last to go.  But don't worry, once the others are dead, it'll come back for you.  Always does.	That still doesn't make sense.  You said you die in the same order you were originally meant to.  But Evan Shaeffer died last in my premonition, not first.
-That's good.  Get all your tears out now, you'll need your eyes.  For the signs.	Signs?
-Signs?	If you have the same power as Alex, you'll be seeing signs soon.  When you see anything creepy or ominous, an in-your-face irony kinda thing? Don't ignore it.  It usually means the difference between life and death.
-If you have the same power as Alex, you'll be seeing signs soon.  When you see anything creepy or ominous, an in-your-face irony kinda thing? Don't ignore it.  It usually means the difference between life and death.	The songs on the radio.  But wait.  I don't understand.  Why is this even happening to me?
-The songs on the radio.  But wait.  I don't understand.  Why is this even happening to me?	That's what Alex used to ask himself right up until...
-I didn't beat it; I hid from it. If you were smart you'd put a down payment on a burial plot and say goodbye to the dog, because what little life you have left is over as you know it.  Don't make new friends, don't fall in love, and don't ever bother trying to save others.  That's the worst killer of them all.	How can you say that?  What kind of monster are you?
-The second one just dies.  A 16 year old kid.	I hope you're ready for this.
-You have to tell us now.	I...I...
-I was driving a white van.  It must've gone out of control because it crashed into a lake and I drowned.  It was...horrible.	You were there?
-You were there?	I can practically taste the water in my throat.  And something else.  The smell of flowers...
-I can practically taste the water in my throat.  And something else.  The smell of flowers...	Then it wasn't just a sign. It was a premonition?
-Please, what else could it mean?	So if you give us the pregnant lady's number, we can warn her about the lake and she'll live long enough to have the baby.
-So if you give us the pregnant lady's number, we can warn her about the lake and she'll live long enough to have the baby.	So let's do it.
-What about that?	How you doing in there, hero?
-What are you doing?  You're going to kill us!	No.  If anyone dies from a crash now, it'll be me.  But I can't die if Eugene and Isabella are still alive.  I'm last on Death's list.
-No.  If anyone dies from a crash now, it'll be me.  But I can't die if Eugene and Isabella are still alive.  I'm last on Death's list.	Are you crazy?  What makes you think you'd survive?
-Are you crazy?  What makes you think you'd survive?	What happened when Eugene tried to kill himself out of turn?
-What happened when Eugene tried to kill himself out of turn?	Six duds in a row.
-Six duds in a row.	And when it was Rory's turn to die, and Thomas was in the way?
-This makes no sense.  Isabella was supposed to crash her van into a lake.  Could we have altered her destiny when we had her arrested?	I don't think so.  Alex's premonitions happened exactly as he saw them no matter how much we tried to change it.
-What did you see?  What am I looking for?	No, it's not here.  This one was different.  More like the pile up and the van going into the lake.
-Another premonition?	Yes.  I was in a hospital.  There was screaming... A nurse was choking me.  I couldn't tell what she looked like, but the name tag was right in my face.  Kalarjian.
-What do you want me to do?	Speed up.
-Speed up.	Yeah, fuck 'em.  No offense.
-What did you see?	I was dead.  And came back to life. An EEG machine.  Where's Eugene?
-No!  It can't be.	I have to save Eugene!
-A mortician.  He seemed to know a hell of a lot more about death than he ever told us.	Should we knock?
-Should we knock?	He probably already knows we're coming.
-Remember the onramp?  There was a pregnant woman in a white delivery van.	"Holy shit.  He said ""only new life can defeat death.""  If she gives birth to a baby that was never meant to be born, a brand new soul that was never part of Death's Design..."
-Make sure all these people will be at the meeting tonight.	Taken care of.
-Here we go.  The vehicle's a delivery van registered to Jorge and Isabella Cruz.  And Christ, there's almost a dozen domestic disturbance complaints on these two.	We need to hurry.
-Then the only way to survive is to get to the hospital and protect Eugene and Isabella for as long as we can.	If only Alex and I had done that with the others, Alex might still be...
-A guard grabbed me before I could find Eugene.	Don't sweat it.  It's over.
-Don't sweat it.  It's over.	She had the baby?
-Jury duty?  That's randomly selected by social security numbers.	Random, sure.
-Random, sure.	What, you think Death planned for each of us to die in the pile up weeks ago?  You're nuts.
-Um, Clear?  I'm sorry...about before. I...	Your entire world view just went out the window.  I couldn't expect a religious conversation overnight. We'll get through this.  I promise.
-I'm not sure I understand.	Being alive after our time caused an outward ripple - a rift in Death's design.
-So if you never got off the plane, none of us would be alive in the first place.	That's why Death is working backwards. It's tying up all the loose ends, sealing the rift once and for all This chapter of the screenplay contains scene that do not appear or occur elsewhere in the final movie. In order to maintain the integrity of the screenplay, it has not been edited.
-The only reason he was on Route 18 was because he own the lottery and had to collect the winnings.	That lucky bastard.
-That lucky bastard.	What about the rest of you?  Kimberly, you were driving to Daytona.  Was Route 18 your first choice?
-I had tickets to go, but one day I'm in Paris, trippin' on acid, sippin' lattes an' such, and this dude gets whacked by a falling sign.	Carter.
-Carter.	Freaked me out so bad I hid in a shopping cart for four hours. 'Course, missed the show...
-Freaked me out so bad I hid in a shopping cart for four hours. 'Course, missed the show...	What about you, Kimberly?  Did you anyone from Flight-?
-Dano, shouldn't we go back and help your mother?	Blow me.
-Calm down, Kimmy.  It's not drugs, just weed.	Yeah, you should have specified.
-A Trans Am.  That shit went out with New Kids on the Block.	Yeah.  Who does he think he is? Knight Rider?
-Yeah.  Who does he think he is? Knight Rider?	Who?
-Dano, shouldn't we stop and help your mother?	Blow me.  Yellow means go, Kimberly.
-Dano, shouldn't we stop and help your mother?	Blow me.  Yellow means go, Kimmy.
-Tell me you didn't start up on that Flight 180 shit again.  Did you?	Of course not.  That would be irresponsible and unprofessional.
-Look, you weren't there.  It was weird.  She knew that log truck was gonna cause an accident, she knew.  Never mind.	I thought we were finished with this bullshit.  This is police work, not the psychic Hot Line.
-You've made your point.	Good.  Cause we just got some new info and I don't need you getting freaky on me.
-Good.  Cause we just got some new info and I don't need you getting freaky on me.	What?
-What?	Evan Shaeffer's dead.  Guess he wasn't as lucky as we thought.
-"What do you mean ""grand theft auto?"" This is insane."	Hopefully the district judge can straighten it all out by Monday morning.
-Hopefully the district judge can straighten it all out by Monday morning.	Jorge.  When I get out of here I'm going to sue his cheating ass off.
-Damn, they always stick me with the clunker.	Take my van!
-Please.  It's not going to wait.	I've got to stop and help those people.
-I've got to stop and help those people.	Do you want to deliver this baby?
-What?	I'm Officer Burke.  I'm looking for an Isabella Cruz.
-Are you Jorge Cruz?	Maybe.  What's this about?
-Maybe.  What's this about?	May we come in?
-May we come in?	No.  What's this about?
-We had a fight.  Some things got broken, the dog went crazy, she left me.  Wouldn't say where she was going.	What was the fight about?
-What was the fight about?	Take a guess.
-Take a guess.	Does she have a cell phone?  A way we can contact her?
-Does she have a cell phone?  A way we can contact her?	She did.
-First I'm stuck with Jury Duty, now this nonsense.	Yeah, I hate to love and leave ya, but I've been over this X-Files shit since the sixth season.
-This can't be happening.  My career's at a peak, I finally met a cute guy, I just bought a new house...	Just shut the fuck up and maybe you'll live.
-"Last July I dialed a wrong number and got a radio station by accident. They asked me what number means ""good luck"" in Jewish."	"Eighteen.  And it's ""Hebrew""."
-"Eighteen.  And it's ""Hebrew""."	Anyway, I guessed it right and won these.
-Here's what I don't get.  For nine months, Death does all this shit to make sure I win these tickets and end up on Route 18 at exactly the right time for the pile up...	Yeah?
-Yeah?	But why single me out?  What am I in the great scheme of things?  You'd think I stepped off Flight 180 or something... Fucking weird, man.
-I got that beat.  So like, last May, I was supposed to stay at this cheesy bed and breakfast in Pennsylvania. There was a major gas leak no one knew about and all the guests suffocated during the night.	Yeah, so what happened?
-Yeah, so what happened?	I never mad it.  The Greyhound bus I was on splattered some chick all over the road and we had to stop.
-What's going on here?	There's going to be a pile up.  Logs. Bodies everywhere.  I saw it happen. It happened.
-THAT's the truck that's going to kill everyone!	Alright miss, calm down.  I just need this lane open.  I need you to pull your vehicle onto the shoulder!
-Alright miss, calm down.  I just need this lane open.  I need you to pull your vehicle onto the shoulder!	You're not listening to me!  You have to do something!
-Tell me again how it started.	Like I said, it was like I was there. I remember everything.  The sounds of the crashes, the smells, the look on Shaina's face...
-Like I said, it was like I was there. I remember everything.  The sounds of the crashes, the smells, the look on Shaina's face...	Do you remember what triggered it all?
-Do you remember what triggered it all?	The log truck...and everybody I guess. Everyone was driving like a maniac. And somehow I knew something horrible was going to happen, even before it did.
-"Billboards about accidents.  Kids yelling ""pile up"" for no reason. It all felt...just wrong. Just like..."	Like what?
-You mean Alex Browning.	...My Premonition was just like his.
-I tried calling last night but your father --	Evan Shaeffer's dead.
-I know.  I've gotten calls all morning from everyone who was on the onramp. We're all meeting at my apartment tonight.	Then you believe all this??  That Death is working off a list?
-I didn't.  Until I was dispatched to clean up one of the Flight 180 survivors.	Clean up?  I don't...
-Pigeons... It's a sign!  If Clear's right about the order, then Nora and Tim are going to be attacked by Pigeons!	I'm not following you --
-I'm not following you --	They're next on the list.  We have to find them.
-Turn around.  The cleaning woman said they're at the dentist's. 14th and Main.	Hold on.
-Nora's not coming.  She refuses to leave her son.	We have to tell her she's in danger!
-We have to tell her she's in danger!	I did.  And right now, I don't think she cares.
-This is cheery.	Who is this guy, anyway?
-New life defeats death?  Follow the signs?  Where the hell did you find that guy?	Yeah, I thought he was supposed to be helpful.
-It throws the entire Death list out of whack.  And a new list has to be rewritten from scratch.  We all start over with a clean slate.	It sounds all well and good, but what if we're wrong?
-Shit, I don't have her number.  She was never interviewed.  She took off right after the accident.	How are we going to find her?  There must be thousands of white vans in this state.
-How are we going to find her?  There must be thousands of white vans in this state.	Hey, I'm a police officer, remember?
-Whoa, nine months?	Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
-Guys, let's not panic.  Isabella's safe.	How do you know?
-How do you know?	You said she was going to drive into a lake.  How can she when she's in protective custody?
-Stop it, don't move him!	He can't breathe damn it.  I think his lung's collapsed!
-Um, Kimberly?  This is a neighborhood. You may wanna slow it down.	Don't worry.  Nothing can happen to us.
-Don't worry.  Nothing can happen to us.	I wasn't worried about us.
-Kalarjian?	I think a nurse named Kalarjian is going to choke Isabella to death!
-Shouldn't we pull over?	No time.  Keep going.  I wouldn't know how to explain any of this anyway.
-Are you okay?  You just face planted!	I know how it feels to be dead.
-But it's over.  Isabella's baby was the key.  You saw her die and everything, right?	I don't...what if I made a mistake?
-I don't...what if I made a mistake?	Impossible.  She was on the onramp.
-I'm not sure... I don't think Isabella was ever destined to die in the pile- up.	Then what's the premonition of the lake supposed to mean?
-You can't cheat destiny.  I know what I have to do to save us.  I have to die.	That's crazy.  You can't give up now.  We can still fight this thing.
-Welcome back.  We did it.  For real.	I know.  I can feel it too.
-For God's sake, leave him alone, Dad.	Yeah, don't make me cite you for harassment.
-Want me to drive?	No, I'm good.
-This trip better be worth it. What's the guy-girl ratio again?	Get ready to smile, five guys per girl.
-Get ready to smile, five guys per girl.	I can live with thaaaa --
-What's the chance of finding a nice mature guy once we get to Daytona?	How does a nice mature fuck sound?
-What is it?  What are you?	There's going to be a huge accident! Everyone's gonna die.  All of us!  I saw it!
-What is it?  What are you?	There's going to be a huge accident! Everyone's gonna die, all of us, I saw it!
-Relax, you need to chill the fuck out.	Highway to Hell, Highway to Hell.
-Highway to Hell, Highway to Hell.	For Christ sakes girl, take a breath.
-More than that.  All the songs on the radio were about car crashes. Some kid's banging toy cars together.  She was dialing her cell phone with her headset on.  His car was leaking oil all over the road.	Hey, don't be knockin' the Chevette.
-The best way to get to Yankee Stadium is Route 18.	I don't know what's weirder, the dialing a wrong number part or that Death would set you up nine months in advance.
-Can I ask you a question?	Sure.
-Sure.	When I die.  Is it gonna hurt?
-When I die.  Is it gonna hurt?	I...I don't know.
-And you're gonna die after me, right?	I guess so.
-I guess so.	Would you take these?  And if I die...  Could you throw all my drugs out? Paraphernalia, porno, you know... Anything that would break my mom's heart.
-Thanks, Dad.  I'll call you.	You have everything, Kimberly? Credit card, cell phone, AAA card?
-You have everything, Kimberly? Credit card, cell phone, AAA card?	Relax, Dad.  It's Daytona, not Mongolia.
-Relax, Dad.  It's Daytona, not Mongolia.	Fix-A-flat?  Road flares? Sunblock?  Mace?
-I know this is the first time we've been apart since.  But everything's gonna be okay.	I know, honey.  I just --
-Your mother would have been so proud of the way you've handled yourself through all of this...	I know, Dad.
-Kimberly?  It's Dad.	Hey, Dad.  What's up?
-Your car's leaking either transmission or brake fluid.  I want you to have it checked ASAP at a gas station.	You got it, Dad.  I'll call you if I have a problem.
-You got it, Dad.  I'll call you if I have a problem.	I mean it.  Take care of it.
-I mean it.  Take care of it.	I will, Dad.  Bye, luv you.
-I know it's crazy, but I'm really scared for the others.  I've got this terrible feeling.	What feeling?
-What feeling?	That it's not over yet.
-I'm sorry.  I'm just so happy that you're safe.	I love you too, Dad.  Goodnight.
-There were so many times I didn't think I could last another day.  I can't even tell you some of the things I thought about.	I used to have those feelings, too. But that's when I'd think of Mom. Her strength...and courage.  And I'd pray that maybe I'd grow up to be as brave as she was.  And the bad thoughts would go away.
-I used to have those feelings, too. But that's when I'd think of Mom. Her strength...and courage.  And I'd pray that maybe I'd grow up to be as brave as she was.  And the bad thoughts would go away.	I don't know what I'd do if I lost you.
-Damn, it really hurts, Mom.	I know, we'll be there soon.
-What on Earth are they doing?	Who am I, David Blane?
-You're all certifiable, you know that?  I can't believe I've been listening to this crap.  Come on, Tim, let's go outside.	Jeez, Mom, stop trippin'.
-Mom?	Yeah?
-Yeah?	You think... You think those guys were b.s.-ing us today or what?
-You think the tooth fairy's gonna come tonight?  I'm thinkin' like fifteen bucks.	Nice try, kiddo.
-How would I know? You think I'm some sort of...	He's not a witch.
-It's only the end of June.	Yeah, but everything's always in transition. If you focus, even now, one week into summer... you can feel Autumn coming.  Almost like bein' able... to see the future.
-You went there? I've wanted to go there, but I thought it was off limits.	It is. But that didn't stop me. Shouldn't stop you.
-Not a likeness. It's how you make me feel, Alex.	I'm... really sorry.
-I'm... really sorry.	Like you, the sculpture doesn't even know what, or why, it is. Reluctant to take form. And, yet, creating an absolute but incomprehensible attraction.
-That's why I was there last night.	I've never dealt with death before. I wasn't alive when my grandparents died. I wish I could know. I mean, all this... could just be in our heads. Now it feels like it's everywhere.
-I've never dealt with death before. I wasn't alive when my grandparents died. I wish I could know. I mean, all this... could just be in our heads. Now it feels like it's everywhere.	"""It?"""
-"""It?"""	What if Tod... is just the first... of us?
-"Is that something you're ""feeling?"""	I don't know. I wish I could just see him... one more time, then, maybe...  I would know.
-I don't know. I wish I could just see him... one more time, then, maybe...  I would know.	Then, let's go see him!
-This place?!	Doin' somethin' I'm not supposed to.
-That... him?	I think. But why'd they make him up like... Michael Jackson?
-I think. But why'd they make him up like... Michael Jackson?	That's him, but... he's not here.
-Ahhh! fuck! You fucking asshole. You think this is funny, you fucking dick? Tod, if you're not dead I'm gonna fucking kill you!	Ohmygod! OHMYGOD!  OHMYGOD!  He's not dead?
-He said Death has a design. Even before he said that I had been seeing patterns.	As in flannels and plaids?
-How many died on Flight 180?  From our group?	Thirty-nine.
-Thirty-nine.	Remember the gate number?
-No.	Thirty-nine.
-Remember the departure time?	Like... 4:25.
-4:25.	Right. April 25th.
-Right. April 25th.	Wait. I thought you meant the time of your birth. Four/Twenty-five, as in, month and day... that's a reach.
-I'm not just layin' down a bunch of math here, with this. I'm talking about indications... omens... that day, that we were meant to die. That, if, we have been aware of... would have saved everyone on the plane.	That's total bullshit. You can find death omens anywhere you want to.
-I don't understand... did you see Tod die? Did it happen again, like on the plane?	No, but it might as well be the same thing. This was a message... from someone, or something... hinting... at the design.
-No, but it might as well be the same thing. This was a message... from someone, or something... hinting... at the design.	Alex, on the plane... you must have experienced... some kind of hyper awareness. But here... you're suggesting Tod's death... and maybe our own... will happen because of... an active Presence.
-Most kids do, I guess.	Most kids never have it happen.
-Those guys are probably fifteen minutes away.	No.. I mean, I don't have anything on me. This won't be safe.
-No.. I mean, I don't have anything on me. This won't be safe.	Nothing is... anymore.
-I can't go home. After Lewton's, they'll be after me.	We're takin' you to a cabin in the woods, it's only a couple miles from my house.  Keep off the highways, they'll be lookin' for us.
-Billy told the F.B.I. he saw you runnin' away from her house.	They blame me for everything. Her, Tod, the plane crash...
-Stop the car!	Let us out!
-Can't you open the door?!	Easy, Billy, just open it.
-Carter, get out!	Don't do it! Don't do it!
-Get out! Get out of the car!  Get out of the fuckin' car!	Get out! Get out of the car!
-Police are coming.	That's why It skipped Carter and went to the next one in the path of the explosion; Billy.
-You know what to do.	No! No! Don't!
-No! No! Don't!	When I do this.. it'll have skipped you... and it'll all be over.
-I'll remove him.	Fuck you! I'll remove myself!
-You're payin' for my trip, Browning!	I wish you were on the plane!
-Hope you don't think, Browning, that because my name ain't on this wall... that I owe you anything.	I don't.
-I don't.	All I owe is these people.  To live my life to the fullest.
-We're losing our favorite teacher.	Look, there's something you should all know.
-Alright, Browning, you fuckin' warlock... did you know about Ms. Lewton, or what?	Why do you think I was hiding?
-Is knowing going to make it easier? It makes it harder.	You get off havin' control over me. Let me choose how to deal with it.
-You get off havin' control over me. Let me choose how to deal with it.	It doesn't matter who's next... we're all on the same list.
-What's your fuckin' worry? If it's not your time...? I could get nailed runnin' this red light and you all wouldn't get shit! Only me, right?	No!
-You should have been next. After Lewton, you should've been next. That's the only pattern. You should be dead.	You're the fuckin' devil.
-You're the fuckin' devil.	But I saved him. I intervened. Just like the plane. That's the design.
-My intervention in the death of 180 survivors will cheat the design.	"""Intervention?"" What are you, God now?!"
-"""Intervention?"" What are you, God now?!"	Of course not! Gods aren't afraid to die! Gods don't die! We do!
-Man, that is one George Michael notch from being gay.	Dude, get wisdom. We're about to board a seven hour flight. The toilets in coach are barely ventilated closets. What if your body wants that airplane food out of your system and you have to go torque a wicked cable and then right after you walks in Christa or Blake?  You want them to associate with you with that reflexive gag and the watery sting in their eyes?
-Fag.	C'mon, man, like you really thought you were gonna tittie fuck 'em over Greenland, or something?
-C'mon, man, like you really thought you were gonna tittie fuck 'em over Greenland, or something?	"Because of you, I gotta sit here and watch fuckin' ""Stepmom."""
-And then the cabin banged and the left side exploded. The the whole plane... blew up. It was so real. Exactly how everything goes.	Been on many planes that blew up, have you?
-Me, too.  But my dad doesn't understand. When he's better; you and me, road trip to the City. Catch the Yanks.	That's a plan.
-I got this... feeling... a weird feeling... I can't explain it...	Did you take any sedatives before boarding, or on the plane. Sleeping pills?
-Did you take any sedatives before boarding, or on the plane. Sleeping pills?	No. I saw it. I saw it!
-I believe that... Ms. Lewton's next.	"""Next?"""
-"""Next?"""	Yes... see, there's this... pattern... that's occuring.
-Yes... see, there's this... pattern... that's occuring.	Oh, you've noticed it, too?
-Alex... can you promise me that no one else will die?	No... I can't. As long as I'm in here, it's outta my control.
-I'm... a friend of his. His best friend. See, his father...	I know who you are.
-Cuticle lacerations.	Why would he pull at the wire if he were committing suicide?
-His father's pretty fucked up with denial. Maybe he couldn't deal with the thought of an other accident... taking another son.	In Death...
-... there are no accidents. No coincidencess. No mishaps.  And no... escapes.	You saying Tod did kill himself?
-You may not realize it, but we're all just a mouse that a cat has by its tail. Every single move we make, from the mundane to the monumental... the red light we stop at, or run; the people we have sex with, or won't with us; the airplane we ride, or walk out of... is all a part of Death's sadistic design leading to the grave.	Design?
-I'm sorry we broke in.	No harm. No foul.
-And don't pass on the right.	Billy! I'm gettin' a vision!  You're the next one...
-Billy! I'm gettin' a vision!  You're the next one...	Hey, man, why'd you say that?!
-Hey, man, why'd you say that?!	'Cause if you say another word, I'm gonna fuckn' kill ya!
-Please tell me I'm gonna get to see the Jets win the Super Bowl.	Me, right? That's why you're not saying.
-Shoulda' felt up Tammy in the pool, that time...	Whatta' you whinin' about? He said I'm next.
-It broke!	No one's that strong.
-What are you doing?	Terry's name should be on this wall.
-So, why'd you want us to meet you here? Now?	They're watching me, see if I go to Alex.
-He didn't say nothin'. Just drive.	You have a responsibility to tell me.
-Knock it off!	May as well go out under my own free will, right?
-May as well go out under my own free will, right?	Not with us in the fuckin' car!
-Get control of yourself!	That's what I'm doin'!
-That's what I'm doin'!	I know what you're doing!  It's alright to be scared, Carter. You don't have to prove to us how big your balls are. Not now.
-I know what you're doing!  It's alright to be scared, Carter. You don't have to prove to us how big your balls are. Not now.	I'm not afraid! I DECIDE WHEN IT'S TIME! I control my life! I control my death!
-SHUT UP, BILLY!	WE DON'T NEED THIS NOW!
-You guys are real... aren't you?	Huh?
-Huh?	Sorry, I mean... I talk to people all the time... I know a lot of them aren't there.  But this is real, isn't it?  You're taking me home now?
-Sorry, I mean... I talk to people all the time... I know a lot of them aren't there.  But this is real, isn't it?  You're taking me home now?	That's right, buddy.
-I gotta tell you, it's just luck you guys came when you did.  They move us around a lot... We only been at that camp a week.  Got a smoke?	No.
-No.	What kind of raggedy-ass rescue you call this?
-You mean the snake?	Yeah.  It's not hard once you get the hang of it.  In the wrist. Anyway, I did what I always do when I get one...
-Yeah.  It's not hard once you get the hang of it.  In the wrist. Anyway, I did what I always do when I get one...	What's that?
-What's that?	Put it in the guard's barracks.  Man they got pissed.  They beat the crap out of me, but... it's kind of a tradition.  You oughta see 'em run around.
-Wow!	What just happened?
-Your buddy made it out last night. The place went apeshit.	Really?  How come he didn't take me?
-Really?  How come he didn't take me?	Maybe because you're shot in the leg.
-Maybe because you're shot in the leg.	Oh, yeah.  Listen, how long do they keep you in this disease hole?
-Hell.  This is just like fucking Star Wars, man!	Star Wars?
-... and there's this guy with a black helmet and cape, right, and he's got this sword... except it's not a sword, it's light...	There's the Mekong.
-This clown almost blew mission security on the street.  I'm not jumping with him.	Clown?  Now back up there, buddy...
-Ever do this from a jet?	No.
-Again.	Insertion.  Call in to base camp by TRANSAT.  Proceed to point Tango November for rendezvous with our ground contact.  Indigenous agent. Co Phuong Bao.  We've been over this three times.
-Insertion.  Call in to base camp by TRANSAT.  Proceed to point Tango November for rendezvous with our ground contact.  Indigenous agent. Co Phuong Bao.  We've been over this three times.	You stopped.
-Co Phuong Bao.  The guide takes us twelve klicks upriver to target at Ban... at Ban... Bo Peep.  Shit!	Start over.
-... to target at Ban Kia Na.  We probe the site...	Ninety.
-Ninety.	... then proceed downriver to extraction at point Echo Delta. Doyle takes us out by helicopter, we all live happily ever after and that's the last time, Rambo!  I swear to Christ.
-... then proceed downriver to extraction at point Echo Delta. Doyle takes us out by helicopter, we all live happily ever after and that's the last time, Rambo!  I swear to Christ.	One hundred.
-Gettin' old, huh?	Yeah.  Second set.  Let's go.
-No radio source.  Nothing for the bad guys to triangulate on.	Show me how it operates.
-Show me how it operates.	That's what I'm here for.
-That's what I'm here for.	Show me in case you get zapped as soon as we land.
-Show me in case you get zapped as soon as we land.	We're leaving tonight, not in a week.
-Yeah.  Why not?	You break your leg, I'll have to shoot you.
-You read me, Brewer?	Read you.
-Read you.	Home on my strobe.
-You okay?	Keep it down, man.  I got problems.
-What do you call that?	Modified M-16 A2 and over-under M-79 grenade launcher, with Sionics sound suppressor, Tracor starlight scope and LAC/R-100 Laser sighting system.
-Modified M-16 A2 and over-under M-79 grenade launcher, with Sionics sound suppressor, Tracor starlight scope and LAC/R-100 Laser sighting system.	Batteries not included.
-Batteries not included.	This is state-of-the-art firepower.
-What's this?	AC-System 'Big-Ear' telescopic mike with built-in audio processor. Can pull a whisper out of a loud cocktail party at 50 meters.
-Cocktail party.  Uh huh, right.  Let's saddle up.	Where's your stuff?
-That's it?  Some C-4, a map and a knife?	There's a compass in the handle.
-And a beat-to-shit AK?  Every twelve-year-old in Nam's got one of those.	Exactly.
-You wanna know why I stood up for this show?	No.
-No.	I was in the brig.  They gave me a deal.  I blew up this Colonel's golf cart with an M-19.  He wasn't in it or anything... it was the symbolic value.  Seemed like a good idea at the time.
-I was in the brig.  They gave me a deal.  I blew up this Colonel's golf cart with an M-19.  He wasn't in it or anything... it was the symbolic value.  Seemed like a good idea at the time.	That's a real good reason to wind up in 'Nam.
-That's a real good reason to wind up in 'Nam.	I've seen worse places.
-I've seen worse places.	There are no worse places.
-This place is a trip.	Buddhist monastery.  Fifteenth century.
-Buddhist monastery.  Fifteenth century.	Damn!  Leeches.
-You fucking crazy?  I need it to burn these things off.	No cigarettes.
-No cigarettes.	I had it cupped.
-What's this stuff on the rice?	Fermented fish sauce.
-Why would they send us to a deserted camp?	Who cares?  Let's just do it and get out.  Go have a Jacuzzi and get laid in Bangkok.  Know what I mean?
-We'll check it out.	How come we didn't just drop near the camp... save this hassle?
-How come we didn't just drop near the camp... save this hassle?	Brewer.  Does a jet make noise?
-Brewer.  Does a jet make noise?	Yeah...
-What's she saying?	She likes you.  Says you're dinky- dau.
-She likes you.  Says you're dinky- dau.	What's that?
-What's that?	Powerful warrior.
-Powerful warrior.	Yeah.  Dinky-dau, that's me.  Hey, Co.  You wanna meet Jake the one- eyed snake?
-These guys look like they'd sell their mothers.	Sometimes they do.  They're river pirates.  Opium runners.
-Sometimes they do.  They're river pirates.  Opium runners.	Pirates?  No kidding?
-How you doing, Brewer?	I need a vacation.
-Snoring.  Five, six guys. Mumbling... Vietnamese.  Somebody talking in his sleep.  A toilet flushing.	Guard barracks.  Take some shots.
-It's a guy in a cage.	American?
-American?	Can't tell.  Pretty tall.  He's real scrunched up in that thing.
-Can't tell.  Pretty tall.  He's real scrunched up in that thing.	Let me see.
-Roundeye.	Alright.  Home run.
-Alright.  Home run.	Torture cage.  Can't stand... can't sit... for days.  Sometimes weeks.
-Torture cage.  Can't stand... can't sit... for days.  Sometimes weeks.	Bastards.  Let's get some shots.
-That guy's not going to make it.	Nothing we can do, man.
-I'm getting him out.	What?  Are you crazy?  We're supposed to take pictures and split. You're gonna blow the whole program.
-What?  Are you crazy?  We're supposed to take pictures and split. You're gonna blow the whole program.	You never been in one of those things.
-You never been in one of those things.	I suppose you have...
-It's orders!  You remember... when they tell you to do something and then you do it.  John Wayne is dead, man.	You take pictures and split.  I'm going in.
-You better take off.	Ain't you coming with us, sweet thing?
-Are they going to torture us?	Yes.
-Yes.	What... whattaya do?
-Gawd, you look awful.	You comin'?
-You comin'?	Hold your pantyhose.  Here, gimme a hand.
-Can you handle the door gun?	Duck soup.
-Brewer!  You know what that thing's packing?	It's a Soviet MIL MI-24.  Probably has 12.7mm nose cannon, heat-seeking rockets and wire guided missiles, plus...
-It's a Soviet MIL MI-24.  Probably has 12.7mm nose cannon, heat-seeking rockets and wire guided missiles, plus...	Forget it.
-You're gonna love it.	How much we got left in that minigun?
-I'm Rambo.  This is Brewer.  Her name is Co.	"It means ""virgin.""  My mother was comedian."
-You really got a Masters Degree?	Sure.  I only sound like forty-year- old in your language.
-How do we get upriver?	I have arranged transportation.  We meet soon.  But I think you to be disappointed.
-I have arranged transportation.  We meet soon.  But I think you to be disappointed.	Why's that?
-Why's that?	I go up to this camp two months ago. Nobody there.  Empty for years.
-Where did you find this clown?	I thought he was with you.
-I thought he was with you.	Crazy motherfucker.
-How did you get started working for the spooks?	Spooks?
-Spooks?	Intelligence work.
-Intelligence work.	Oh.  They talk to me at university before fall of Saigon.  Make deal.
-Nguyen.  He twelve now.  Not see him for eight years.	Where's his father?
-Where's Nguyen now?  What city?	Huntington Beach, California.
-Huntington Beach, California.	It's nice there.  He's probably digging every minute.  Got a surfboard.  Breaking girls' hearts.
-It's nice there.  He's probably digging every minute.  Got a surfboard.  Breaking girls' hearts.	Nguyen is good boy.
-Are you okay?	Yes.  But I lose many merits in next life.  Very bad.
-Yes.  But I lose many merits in next life.  Very bad.	Why'd they want us?
-Why'd they want us?	They heard about escaped prisoner on radio.  Make deal.  More than we pay.
-Thanks.	Rambo.  NVA coming.  Pig dog Kinh say meet them here.  Whole garrison from Con Cuong is out.
-Rambo.  NVA coming.  Pig dog Kinh say meet them here.  Whole garrison from Con Cuong is out.	Let's go.
-Christ.  How'd you get here?	Took bus, most of way.  I knew you would come here.
-And how'd you sneak up like that?	Carefully.  Don't want to get shot by you.  Bad karma.  Anyway, you need me.
-Carefully.  Don't want to get shot by you.  Bad karma.  Anyway, you need me.	I do?
-I do?	You think you are... .
-You think you are... .	Invulnerable.
-Invulnerable.	In-vul-nerabo.  But you get ass kicked without me.
-You try get across Laos?  Get to Thailand?	Yeah.  Got some business there. What are you gonna do?
-Yeah.  Got some business there. What are you gonna do?	"Go United States.  See Nguyen. Maybe teach economics.  Buy Cadillac.  Watch ""Dynasty."""
-"Go United States.  See Nguyen. Maybe teach economics.  Buy Cadillac.  Watch ""Dynasty."""	How you going to get there?  You can't trust the spooks to pull you out.  They'll use you up and throw you away.
-How you going to get there?  You can't trust the spooks to pull you out.  They'll use you up and throw you away.	I know.  I go with you.
-I know.  I go with you.	I couldn't get you in.
-Yes you can.	How?
-Look, Co...	Why you don't feel love?  Not allowed?  Dead inside, maybe?  You make yourself dead already so they can't kill you?  In-vulnerabo?  Bullshit!
-What was that?	Minigun.  Come on.  Let's move. He's coming in on our open side.
-John.  My name is John.	It doesn't hurt.  Why doesn't it hurt?
-"Alternate LZ Zulu Sierra at 0500. It says ""May have heat.  Don't be late.  All our love."""	Let's get that tent down!
-Stay on your heading, Captain.	Sorry, Sir.  Can't do it.
-Sorry, Sir.  Can't do it.	That's an order.
-That's an order.	Sorry, Sir.
-You pathetic scum.	Well, if there weren't POWs before, there are now.
-I don't work with spooks.  Not after that op in Cambodia.	I'm authorized to get you out of here.  I thought that's what you wanted.
-I'm authorized to get you out of here.  I thought that's what you wanted.	What's the job?
-What's the job?	Classic special forces op... hit fast... in and out.  Two men.  Two days.
-Classic special forces op... hit fast... in and out.  Two men.  Two days.	Why me?
-Why me?	We like you.  At least the computer at Langley likes you.  Pulled your file because of various factors.  Service record. Area familiarity.
-We like you.  At least the computer at Langley likes you.  Pulled your file because of various factors.  Service record. Area familiarity.	Where?
-Where?	Not yet.
-Not yet.	I'm not jumping blind.
-Memo E-7 on top will cover the details.  An abandoned Vietnamese Army base in the North-central highlands may have a compound used as an internment camp.  As you can see the intelligence is soft.  These LANDSAT photos show huts... barracks.  It could be anything.	What's the plan?
-What's the plan?	This operation is in two phases. Recon and rescue.  You are phase one.  Your two-man team will probe the site, confirm the presence of American POWs, if any, make photographic and tactical observations, then proceed to the extraction point without engaging the enemy.
-This operation is in two phases. Recon and rescue.  You are phase one.  Your two-man team will probe the site, confirm the presence of American POWs, if any, make photographic and tactical observations, then proceed to the extraction point without engaging the enemy.	We don't try to pull out any of our guys if we find them?
-We don't try to pull out any of our guys if we find them?	Negative.  Absolutely not.  The phase two assault team will get them out.
-Negative.  Absolutely not.  The phase two assault team will get them out.	We just take pictures?
-We just take pictures?	Don't look so disappointed.  It should be hairy enough... even for you.
-I didn't know you were a stick man, Rambo.	I was crossed-trained in gunships.
-All this is for us?	That's right.
-He's giving them a run for their money.  Says here they've got two Hueys from Danang.  I didn't know those dinks had Hueys.	Half their air force is our stuff. Captured.
-Half their air force is our stuff. Captured.	Typical...
-Typical...	Sir, there's something else... a TRANSAT relay.  Just came through.
-Sir, there's something else... a TRANSAT relay.  Just came through.	What?
-Um... actually, no.  It looks like he shot down one of their gunships...	Christ almighty.
-Christ almighty.	... and then he, uh... took the other one.
-... and then he, uh... took the other one.	What?
-What?	He... took it.
-How long have you been setting up?	About 22 hours on site.
-About 22 hours on site.	Nice work.
-How long before you're fully on line?	Couple hours.  Let me buy you a coffee.
-You think they'll find any?	POWs?  I don't know.  But either way it'll get that subcommittee off our necks.  Cream?
-POWs?  I don't know.  But either way it'll get that subcommittee off our necks.  Cream?	Black.  No sugar.
-Black.  No sugar.	The League of Families leans on Congress.  Then they lean on us. Like we don't have enough to worry about in a dozen dirtwater countries.  Damnit!
-What's up?	Listen, Kirkhill.  I'm a bit of a fifth wheel in your setup here... I thought I'd go out with the extraction team tonight.  Unless you have an objection.
-Listen, Kirkhill.  I'm a bit of a fifth wheel in your setup here... I thought I'd go out with the extraction team tonight.  Unless you have an objection.	It's not necessary.
-It's not necessary.	I know.
-I know.	That's a pretty hairy ride.  Full Colonels are supposed to be above that sort of thing.
-I know...	Have fun.
-Take your time.	Look, Colonel... we're all adults here.  This is a war.  A very quiet, very intense war.  People get sacrificed.
-Look, Colonel... we're all adults here.  This is a war.  A very quiet, very intense war.  People get sacrificed.	Not my people.
-But you're right... some people do get sacrificed.  Now tell me why you pulled the plug.	You think I'm some whacko?  I like to hurt people?  I'm doing a job here.  If I knew what's right or wrong I'd be a goddamned priest, right?  So I follow directives... I do what I'm told.  It's simple.  If your boy had done what he was told, there wouldn't be a problem.
-You think I'm some whacko?  I like to hurt people?  I'm doing a job here.  If I knew what's right or wrong I'd be a goddamned priest, right?  So I follow directives... I do what I'm told.  It's simple.  If your boy had done what he was told, there wouldn't be a problem.	Don't dance me, Kirkhill.  You'll be walking funny.
-Look, it was a screw-up, alright? They weren't supposed to find anything.  We thought that camp was empty.	This mission was a scam from the word go?
-This mission was a scam from the word go?	Word came down... they wanted an answer.  And they knew the answer they wanted: no POWs.  But it had to look good.  Best effort.  The whole dog-and-pony show.
-Rambo and Brewer were selected as write-offs.	"It was clean.  Very clean... Rambo was a decorated Vietnam vet, a former POW himself... if he came out and said ""No POWs"" the sub-committee would buy it.  He gets himself caught he's a private citizen, a whacko, acting on his own.  If he gets proof, it gets lost somewhere between here and D.C.  Airtight. But no... Rambo's gotta be a hero. Thinks he's starring in his own war movie or something.  He put me in a corner.  No choice."
-"It was clean.  Very clean... Rambo was a decorated Vietnam vet, a former POW himself... if he came out and said ""No POWs"" the sub-committee would buy it.  He gets himself caught he's a private citizen, a whacko, acting on his own.  If he gets proof, it gets lost somewhere between here and D.C.  Airtight. But no... Rambo's gotta be a hero. Thinks he's starring in his own war movie or something.  He put me in a corner.  No choice."	"""Terminate with extreme prejudice."""
-"""Terminate with extreme prejudice."""	"That's a crock.  We don't say that. Do you have any idea the shitstorm if he'd gotten back with that guy? If it went public?  The White House would have to act through channels. We're talking ransom.  Four billion bucks in war reparations to Vietnam to get the others back.  That's billion, Colonel.  With a ""B"".  For a few guys that've had their brains in a blender for ten years?  A pain in the ass to everybody?  No way. There's no way."
-So there never was a Phase Two rescue team?	Of course not.  You can't get approval to rescue a kitten from a tree after Tehran.
-You're out of your depth, Trautman. Way out.  I'm acting correctly here. Not you.  Not your gung-ho jungle ace.  It's over.  Walk away.	It's not over.  You made one mistake.
-It's not over.  You made one mistake.	What that?
-Who're you?	American.  Come to get you out.
-American.  Come to get you out.	Man, you are one scary-looking motherfucker!
-Man, you are one scary-looking motherfucker!	Can you walk?
-Can you walk?	I could a couple of days ago.  Gonna be... stiff.
-What's your name?	De Fravio.  Dave De Fravio. Lieutenant... Air Force.
-Hello, John.	Colonel.
-Colonel.	Mind if I sit down?
-I hear you're not enjoying it here.	I could take it or leave it.
-Seems like I'm always pulling you out of some goddamn toilet or other, doesn't it?	Am I out of here?
-Am I out of here?	That depends on you.  Christ, look at you.  I give you this easy duty until I can get you an assignment... all you have to do is eat ice cream and watch soap operas... and you have to make it Rambo's last stand.
-That depends on you.  Christ, look at you.  I give you this easy duty until I can get you an assignment... all you have to do is eat ice cream and watch soap operas... and you have to make it Rambo's last stand.	There were treating me like a headcase.
-There were treating me like a headcase.	Hard to believe.  You shoot up one little town in Oregon with a fifty caliber machine gun... one little dogpatch town... and everybody figures your wrapper's broken.  No sense of humor.  What did you expect?  An engraved plague from the chamber of commerce?
-This your stuff?	That's it.  My life.
-Hardcore outfit.  The best I ever trained.	Those men are all dead.
-Those men are all dead.	You're not.
-Congressional Medal of Honor.	Yeah.  Big time.
-Yeah.  Big time.	Plus, what else?  Two Silver Stars, four Bronze Stars, two Soldier's Medals, four Vietnamese Crosses of Gallantry and... uh, a handful of Purple Hearts.
-Plus, what else?  Two Silver Stars, four Bronze Stars, two Soldier's Medals, four Vietnamese Crosses of Gallantry and... uh, a handful of Purple Hearts.	Five.  I never wanted that stuff.
-Five.  I never wanted that stuff.	What did you want?
-What did you want?	"I just wanted... I don't know... after all that... I just wanted one person, one person, to come up to me and say ""you did good, John."" And mean it.  That's all.  After all that."
-"I just wanted... I don't know... after all that... I just wanted one person, one person, to come up to me and say ""you did good, John."" And mean it.  That's all.  After all that."	You just picked that wrong war to be a hero in.
-We left some people behind there, John... POWs.	This just occurred to somebody, now?
-Listen up.  You two are married as of now.  Get used to it.	I say we tape him to a chair.
-Let's do it.	Keep it clean, Rambo, or I'll nail your hide to the shed.
-Keep it clean, Rambo, or I'll nail your hide to the shed.	You got it, sir.
-This will last you one year after which you have the option to renew if... you like at a membership discount.	But now it's free, right?
-But now it's free, right?	Yeah.
-You know, I think I... ordered some just the other day.	Well did you or didn't you?
-Well did you or didn't you?	Yes!  They'll be in soon.
-Yes!  They'll be in soon.	Well, I guess I'll come back then.
-I like your nails.  Where did you get them done?	Ah... I do them myself.  I used to work in a beauty parlor.
-I've never been in an apartment above a store.  You always pass them on the street but you never think anyone really lives in them.	Can I get you anything...coffee... tea...a little tequilla?
-Can I get you anything...coffee... tea...a little tequilla?	No, thank you.
-Will it hurt?	That all depends on you. ...Sure you don't want a drink?
-"...So he says to me, ""you'll never find another man like me""...I said, ""please, men like you have one hand on their dicks and the other hand on their mother's leg... I said, there's the door - take a trip."	You threw him out?
-My parents were divorced.	"It's an awful thing, let me tell you. My Aunt used to say,  ""divorce is the sister-in-law of death""."
-...SO...anybody special in your life?	Do I look like I have someone special?
-Well, don't say it like that. It's not so...ya know, crazy an idea. You are a healthy woman... You hold a steady job. Ya not crossed eyed or anything...	Well, there's nobody special!
-Well, there's nobody special!	Fine.
-Fine.	I mean, it's not easy in this day and age.
-I mean, it's not easy in this day and age.	What?
-What?	Meeting ... people.
-Meeting ... people.	Tell me about it. I've been dating longer than I've been driving. I can't believe that.
-Tell me about it. I've been dating longer than I've been driving. I can't believe that.	I never really...went through a... dating period.
-I never really...went through a... dating period.	It's a disgusting process. You haven't missed anything.
-"...My mother calls every week. Like a recurring nightmare. ""So, have you met anyone?""...""No mom"".. ""So what's going to happen?""... ""I don't know Mom""... I only thank God I moved out."	I can't believe you lived with her for that long. If I had to live with my mother, I'd stab myself six times.
-I can't believe you lived with her for that long. If I had to live with my mother, I'd stab myself six times.	I think some people are meant to be alone.  Maybe I was a man in a former life and I used women for pleasure so now I'm paying for it - which would be fine, if I could just remember some of the pleasure parts...
-I think some people are meant to be alone.  Maybe I was a man in a former life and I used women for pleasure so now I'm paying for it - which would be fine, if I could just remember some of the pleasure parts...	I don't understand you. What is the problem?
-I don't understand you. What is the problem?	I don't feel like I make any impression on people... At office parties I spend my time re-arranging the hors d'oeuvres as people eat them, so the platters will always look full. I don't start conversations because I have no idea how to end them...I think I'm just meant to live in the background of things.
-I don't feel like I make any impression on people... At office parties I spend my time re-arranging the hors d'oeuvres as people eat them, so the platters will always look full. I don't start conversations because I have no idea how to end them...I think I'm just meant to live in the background of things.	That's not true...You gotta ease up... Conversations have a life of their own. You gotta just go with it...We're having a lovely conversation.
-That's not true...You gotta ease up... Conversations have a life of their own. You gotta just go with it...We're having a lovely conversation.	I'm paying you.
-You know, let me tell you something! I'm not that kind of person. I don't do people favors. If I talk to you it's because I want to. So we're not all ...uh...Jerri Hall...Big deal... What a boring world if we were. You do the best you can with what you got. You're not so so invisible, ya know... You want make an impression? Try this; you can be a real bitch.	Really?
-Really?	Yeah!
-Oh, no..I have to get home...	The nails!! Watch the nails!!...  Listen, you still have to eat.
-No really..I can't.	Hey? What did I tell you? Why don't you come? It's just dinner. You'll have something to tell your mother next time she calls.
-Getting your nails done is one thing but going to dinner with a bunch of strangers and him... She didn't even look at him.	Got any more bread crust?
-I mean, I've gone out with bums, but they were gorgeous.  It's the only reason to go out with a bum.	This food's delicious.  You're a wonderful cook.  And you have a lovely home.
-This food's delicious.  You're a wonderful cook.  And you have a lovely home.	Jack, he's starting a conversation...
-You're surprised!... But I guess I just never met the right guy.  Whatta gonna do?	I'm shocked.  With a child bearing body like yours...  ... why a man would have to be out of his mind!
-I'm shocked.  With a child bearing body like yours...  ... why a man would have to be out of his mind!	Most men are.
-Most men are.	Why this is outrageous!...
-Holdin' my penis... What a lovely way of sayin' how Much ya like me...	What are you, out of your mind!
-Yep! Right on it!	Huh...the restaurant's just around the corner here...
-Are you in a mood today baby? Is this one of those days when you're in ...whadda call it... an emotional abyss?  Talk to me, cause I don't understand these moods.	Anne, they're MY moods. If you want to understand moods, have one of your own!
-Anne, they're MY moods. If you want to understand moods, have one of your own!	Why don't you go upstairs... take the day off. All right?...I'll cook tonight.
-Well, it's funny!  Whatta want from me?	It's not funny.  It's... sophomoric and mindless... and dumb.
-It's not funny.  It's... sophomoric and mindless... and dumb.	Then why the hell do we watch all the time?
-Then why the hell do we watch all the time?	Because it makes me feel good to see how not funny it is and how America doesn't know the first thing about funny which makes it easier not being a famous funny TV celebrity because that would just mean that I'm not really talented.
-It happens to be a beautiful love story.  Ya know, you used to like that about me.  You used to say you liked that I didn't make you think so much.  That we could be together and not think...	Yeah, well... suicidal paranoiacs say funny things sometimes.
-I'm sorry.	I smell gas... Do you smell gas...
-I can't tell you how distraught I was.  All night long.  What the hell happened?	I was attacked.
-I was attacked.	What!
-What!	Two kids tried to set me on fire.
-Two kids tried to set me on fire.	Oh my God... What did they do!  My God!!!
-You were attacked.  My God.  Should I call a doctor!  Did you call the police...	No, I'm fine... really...
-No, I'm fine... really...	You're all right... you sure...
-... So... where did you sleep last night?	I... I stayed at a friend's.  Listen, I --
-I... I stayed at a friend's.  Listen, I --	Please... before you go on... let me tawk... okay... We've had a wonderful time together... When we first met, you said this wasn't serious and I shouldn't get serious and then you moved in and we haven't been serious. And I just wanna say that I have no regrets.  None.  And don't wanna have any now so I want ya to be up front with me... I want the truth. If you're seein' somebody else, let me know... You don't have to pour gasoline on yourself and light a match just to break up with me.  Just tell me the truth.
-I'm not seeing anyone else.  I really was attacked.	Okay.  ... I love you...
-Oh, I used to be such a Catholic.	You still believe in God?
-You still believe in God?	Oh sure... Gotta believe in God.  But I don't think God made man in his own image.  No.  'Cause most of... the bullshit that happens, is because of men.  No, I think man was made out of the devil's image and women were created out of God -- because women can have babies which is sorta like creating, and which also explains why women are attracted to men, because, lets face it, the devil is a helluva lot more interesting -- I slept with a few saints and let me tell you... Booooorring!!!... And so the whole point of life, I think, is for men and women to get married so the devil and God can live together and, ya know -- work it out...  ... Not that we have to get married.
-... You have a little... uh... something on your face...	Oh, I got a pimple... This stuff is supposed to blend with my skin color... Like it really works, ya know...
-I tell you something, Anne.  I really feel like I'm cursed.	Oh stop.  Things will change.  My Aunt Mary always said, there's a remedy for everything in this world except death and having no class.
-Oh stop.  Things will change.  My Aunt Mary always said, there's a remedy for everything in this world except death and having no class.	I get this feeling like I'm... a magnet but I attract shit.  Out of all the people in this city, why did I meet a man who's wife I killed?
-I get this feeling like I'm... a magnet but I attract shit.  Out of all the people in this city, why did I meet a man who's wife I killed?	You didn't kill anybody.  Stop.
-You didn't kill anybody.  Stop.	I wish there was some way I could... just... pay the fine and go home.
-Can I have my desk please.	Hello, I'd like to speak to Lydia?
-Hello, I'd like to speak to Lydia?	Lydia?!  Lydia who!?
-Lydia?!  Lydia who!?	I don't know her last name... I'll be off in a second.
-I don't know her last name... I'll be off in a second.	You're calling Lydia in my office. You must think I'm some dope.  You fuckin' bastard... You...  ... stay out all night long...
-You're calling Lydia in my office. You must think I'm some dope.  You fuckin' bastard... You...  ... stay out all night long...	What... No... Lydia... I want to speak to... her name is Lydia... I...uh...
-What... No... Lydia... I want to speak to... her name is Lydia... I...uh...	... I don't get a friggin' phone call.  You stroll in here at noon.  I got... two people out sick.  Ya think I need this?  I Do Not Need This!
-... I don't get a friggin' phone call.  You stroll in here at noon.  I got... two people out sick.  Ya think I need this?  I Do Not Need This!	...Forget it... Goodbye!
-I was not with a woman last night.  I was out with Parry.	The moron?
-The moron?	He's not a moron.
-He's not a moron.	And who's Lydia?
-And who's Lydia?	Lydia is the girl Parry likes... And I thought, if I could get them together I...
-Lydia is the girl Parry likes... And I thought, if I could get them together I...	What?  The curse'll be lifted?  Will you please!
-What?  The curse'll be lifted?  Will you please!	I... You're not going to understand this.
-I... You're not going to understand this.	Don't treat me like I'm stupid.  It pisses me off.
-Don't treat me like I'm stupid.  It pisses me off.	All right... Sorry... I feel indebted to him.
-All right... Sorry... I feel indebted to him.	What does that mean?
-What does that mean?	See, I told you!
-See, I told you!	Well, what the hell does that mean?
-Well, what the hell does that mean?	I thought... if... if I can help him in some way... you know?... get him this girl he loves... Then... maybe.... things'll start changing for me... My luck, ya know... Maybe...  Forget it... It's a stupid idea.
-Hello....congratulations.	And this is our other..uh...co-worker.. Parry..uh...Parry....
-I don't know... He's a little disgusting... Although some women go for that.	He just needs some clothes?
-Well talk back.  He won't bite you.	Thank you very much.
-What are you two up to?	Well..everything's closed up. We thought we'd get some dinner.  Say!....Anybody up for Chinese?  Have you eaten? Would you like to come along?
-What do you think?	I think they're made for each other. And it scares me.
-You know, I can't believe I did it. You think it'll work out?	"Who's knows. My Aunt Marge used to say, ""some matches are made in heaven, some are made in hell and some are made in hardware stores""."
-"Who's knows. My Aunt Marge used to say, ""some matches are made in heaven, some are made in hell and some are made in hardware stores""."	Nothing it's just...I begining to understand you.
-Nothing it's just...I begining to understand you.	Well...I think you should feel very proud. You did a real nice thing for somebody else. I'm very proud.
-Well...I think you should feel very proud. You did a real nice thing for somebody else. I'm very proud.	You were great. Thanks alot.
-So what's going on?  Who's Lou again?	My agent.  I called my agent.
-My agent.  I called my agent.	You're kidding!  What did he say?
-You're kidding!  What did he say?	He says if I want to get back to work, no problem.  He wants me to come in and talk and... and... that's it!
-He says if I want to get back to work, no problem.  He wants me to come in and talk and... and... that's it!	Whoah!  Oh, honey, that's terrific!
-I've got to put these tapes in some kind of order... and... Oh, I should get my sports jacket cleaned...  ... There's coffee if you want...	You made coffee?... You're going back to work and you made coffee?... I love this!
-It's so great to see you like this, honey... I can't tell you.	Thanks.
-Thanks.	Ya know, I'm thinkin' -- with another income coming in, I would love to get a bigger place.
-Ugh, these tapes are a mess.  I don't know where to begin...	... I would love to start looking at least.  You know, maybe a two bedroom or even, maybe the top floor of a house -- like in Brooklyn or Staten Island...
-... What?... You don't want to commute?	No, it's not... Come here...
-What?	"""I'm an incredible woman?""  What is this, a death sentence?"
-"""I'm an incredible woman?""  What is this, a death sentence?"	No, I... I think we should talk about this.
-No, I... I think we should talk about this.	You want to talk?  Come on, Jack... Did I cross the line by mentioning the future or what?
-You want to talk?  Come on, Jack... Did I cross the line by mentioning the future or what?	No... it's just...
-... Listen, so much has happened and I think it would be a good thing for both of us if we slowed things down a little.	Slowed things down?  Where have I been?  Have we been going fast!?
-Slowed things down?  Where have I been?  Have we been going fast!?	Right now, I'm just not sure about... making such definite plans.
-... I'd like to focus on my career - - now than I can, now that everything's all right... Parry's taken care of... and... Like I said, I feel like I know a lot more now and I don't...	First of all, let me tell you something -- you don't know shit. Second of all, as far as we go, what time do you need?  What have we been doing here, except time?  Have I ever... ever pressured you!?
-First of all, let me tell you something -- you don't know shit. Second of all, as far as we go, what time do you need?  What have we been doing here, except time?  Have I ever... ever pressured you!?	No.
-No.	No.  So what time do you need?  I love you -- you love me -- you want to get your career going, great!  I'd like to be a part of it -- I think I deserve that!  So what do you need to figure out alone!?
-You can't even give me that?!  What were you gonna do, Jack?... Just gonna organize your life...  ... walk out that door, move in by yourself and what -- drop the news when you find somebody else?  What were you planning to do, Jack?	I didn't know.  I just said all I want is some time.
-I didn't know.  I just said all I want is some time.	Bullshit!  If you're going to hurt me, you hurt me now -- not some long... drawn out hurt that takes weeks of my life because you don't have the balls!
-Bullshit!  If you're going to hurt me, you hurt me now -- not some long... drawn out hurt that takes weeks of my life because you don't have the balls!	All right... I'll pack my stuff tonight.
-What have you been doing here!  Huh! I wanna know!  What have you been doing here?!	Listen!  We both got something out of it, all right!
-Listen!  We both got something out of it, all right!	"Oh yeah?  What did I get?  What did I get I couldn't've gotten from somebody with no name any night of the week?  You think your company is such a treat?  Your moods, your...  ""pain"", your problems... You think you're entertaining?"
-"Oh yeah?  What did I get?  What did I get I couldn't've gotten from somebody with no name any night of the week?  You think your company is such a treat?  Your moods, your...  ""pain"", your problems... You think you're entertaining?"	Then what do you want to stay with me for?
-Well!  What do you want me to do - applaud?	How have you been?
-How have you been?	Terrific. Going on alot of dates ... seeing lots of men... lots of dates..
-I think.. I...I realized...I love you.	Huh-huh....You son of a bitch!
-Parry?	"He can't hear you.  Hi...I'm Dr. Weintraub....  I was on duty when they brought him in...I've been going over his record... He was brought in once before I understand...  ...""catatonic  stupor""...condition  rendered him non-verbal for a period of -..."
-"He can't hear you.  Hi...I'm Dr. Weintraub....  I was on duty when they brought him in...I've been going over his record... He was brought in once before I understand...  ...""catatonic  stupor""...condition  rendered him non-verbal for a period of -..."	Yeah so? The guy's beat up - he...he probably has a concussion or something, right?  He'll snap out of it?
-Yeah so? The guy's beat up - he...he probably has a concussion or something, right?  He'll snap out of it?	I'm afraid not ... Then again, I'm not sure. The beating's bad but it's not the problem... It seems he's.. re-experiencing the catatonia... So, like before, he could snap out it in an hour or in thirteen months or thirteen years... ....I don't know. There's no way to tell.
-I'm afraid not ... Then again, I'm not sure. The beating's bad but it's not the problem... It seems he's.. re-experiencing the catatonia... So, like before, he could snap out it in an hour or in thirteen months or thirteen years... ....I don't know. There's no way to tell.	But..How could that happen?
-But..How could that happen?	Well, it's not unusual in his case... Sometimes victims of tragedies are subject to the brain's replay system. The brain never loses anything - it just stores it up and waits. A person could actually re-experience the full effect of a tragedy, long after the event took place. Are you relatives?  Well, it doesn't matter. We'll take care of it. He'll have to be sent back to the same institution..
-Well, it's not unusual in his case... Sometimes victims of tragedies are subject to the brain's replay system. The brain never loses anything - it just stores it up and waits. A person could actually re-experience the full effect of a tragedy, long after the event took place. Are you relatives?  Well, it doesn't matter. We'll take care of it. He'll have to be sent back to the same institution..	What if I was a relative?
-What if I was a relative?	You'd have the option to care for him at home but my advice is it wouldn't be the best thing for him. He needs hospital care. I just thought you could sign the release forms, but the city can do that. I wouldn't feel responsible in any way. There's really nothing you can do. I'm sorry.
-So, Edwin, baby, this is Sunrise Confession time... what have you got for us?	I... I... went to this bar... this very, ya know -- hard-to-get-in place... called Babbitt's...
-Yeah, I know the place.  It's one of those chic yuppie gathering holes.	Okay... I know but... I met this beautiful girl...
-Yeah, but does she swallow, Edwin?	I think she likes me... she gave me her number, but she must work a lot cause when I call she's never home... But I think we'll go out this weekend... I've...
-I think she likes me... she gave me her number, but she must work a lot cause when I call she's never home... But I think we'll go out this weekend... I've...	Yeah, Edwin, sure... and Pinnochio is a true story... Edwin!  Wake up! This is a fairytale...
-No, Jack, no, it's not... She likes me.	She gave you the old brusheroo, kiddo... Believe me -- this tart will never make it to your desert plate...
-She gave you the old brusheroo, kiddo... Believe me -- this tart will never make it to your desert plate...	She likes me.  She said for me to call!
-Where you comin' from?!	Uh... basement I think...
-Uh... basement I think...	I tell him no visitors!!!
-You a friend of Parry's?	No...  He is supposed to live there?
-No...  He is supposed to live there?	Yeah, well... I let him stay there. What else could I do after such a tragedy?
-Yeah, well... I let him stay there. What else could I do after such a tragedy?	Tragedy?
-Tragedy?	He and his wife was were at some bar ..and some nut came in with a shotgun and blew the place apart. She was a beautiful girl...She never knew what hit her.
-Can I help you?	I'm... just looking for Parry...
-I'm... just looking for Parry...	He's not here.
-I wanna go...Just let me go...	Uh...Where...where do you want to go?
-Uh...Where...where do you want to go?	A real nice place I know... Ah...can't get there! Not tonight.
-A real nice place I know... Ah...can't get there! Not tonight.	Where?  Maybe we can.
-Where?  Maybe we can.	No...no...we can't...we can't..
-No...no...we can't...we can't..	Come on...maybe we can...where do you want to go?
-Come on...maybe we can...where do you want to go?	Venice...Like Katherine Hepburn in SUMMERTIME. . ....Why can't I be Katherine Hepburn...
-Can you tell me something? Did you lose your mind all of a sudden or was it a slow gradual process?	"Well,... I'm a singer by trade... Summer stock...nightclub revues... that kind of thing...It used to be what I absolutely lived for...God...I can do GYPSY backwards - every part- but, one night...in the middle of singing ""Funny..... - it suddenly hit me... ...what does all of this really mean?  That, and the fact that all my friends are dead...God, I sound like a veteran. Dad would be so proud."
-Um...I've got to run. I've bee doing this all day.  Are you going to be all right?	Oh please!...I was born a Catholic in Brooklyn... I've been to hell and back.... I'll be fine...  ....Thanks...You're a gem.
-Remember. One chorus and out.	I'm a man with a mission, Jack.
-It's O.K...It's O.K...Lets me help you up.	NO...I WANNA GO! I WANNA GO NOW!
-NO...I WANNA GO! I WANNA GO NOW!	Come on now...You can't sit here.
-Come on now...You can't sit here.	NO! I want a debutante on a horse to step on me.  Leave me alone!!
-Isn't that awful? Poor Brenda Frazier. Poor Little Gloria. They ruined them! THEY ATE THEM ALIVE!	It was a crime.
-It was a crime.	Leave me alone...I wanna go...
-You shouldn't hang around this neighborhood.	I... I was just leaving.
-I... I was just leaving.	People spend a lot of hard earned money for this neighborhood.  It's not fair... looking out their windows to see your ass asleep on the streets...
-People spend a lot of hard earned money for this neighborhood.  It's not fair... looking out their windows to see your ass asleep on the streets...	Yes... I... I agree...
-Yes... I... I agree...	Good.  You believe this drunk?
-.....Me neither.	No...No please...!
-Can I ask that when you clean your hands you wipe the ink off the inside of the sink before it stains the stainless steel.	You can ask.
-About dinner as a concept or about dinner with...  Raoul?	You're so witty.  I'm so jealous... I need to get out of here, Jack, and do something other than sit in this apartment and count how many funny lines you have per page.
-You're so witty.  I'm so jealous... I need to get out of here, Jack, and do something other than sit in this apartment and count how many funny lines you have per page.	You know, tomorrow's a very big day for me... It would be nice if you acted like you understood.
-You know, tomorrow's a very big day for me... It would be nice if you acted like you understood.	Fine.  I'll say no.
-Fine.  I'll say no.	They're putting me on film tomorrow.
-They're putting me on film tomorrow.	Fine.
-Fine.	... First time in my life I'll be a voice with a body.  Do you know what that means?  What this could lead to?
-... First time in my life I'll be a voice with a body.  Do you know what that means?  What this could lead to?	Jack, it's a sitcom -- you're not defining Pi.
-Jack, it's a sitcom -- you're not defining Pi.	I'll remember that the next time you get excited by drawing pubic hairs on raisin bran.  Want some?
-I'll remember that the next time you get excited by drawing pubic hairs on raisin bran.  Want some?	No, I have to work.
-No, I have to work.	How un-sixties of you.
-How un-sixties of you.	I was nine in the sixties.
-I was nine in the sixties.	"I used to think my biography would be JACK LUCAS - THE FACE BEHIND THE VOICE, but now it can be JACK LUCAS, THE FACE ""AND"" THE VOICE...or maybe just JACK - EXCLAMATION POINT..."
-Hello Lydia?	Yeah?  Who is this?
-Yes.	Yes well...  You are a credit card holder, are you not?
-Yes well...  You are a credit card holder, are you not?	Huh-huh.
-Huh-huh.	Well, congratulations Lydia, because out of several thousand card holders... in conjunction with several major credit card companies...
-Well, congratulations Lydia, because out of several thousand card holders... in conjunction with several major credit card companies...	Which ones?
-Which ones?	All of them... Which means you have just won a free membership at our store on Second Avenue.
-Your name was picked.	Well, I don't understand.  What did you do -- did you pick my name out of a hat or... or... a list?
-Well, I don't understand.  What did you do -- did you pick my name out of a hat or... or... a list?	A list.
-A list.	Well -- were there a lot of people in the room or just you or what?
-Well -- were there a lot of people in the room or just you or what?	Well there....  What's the difference?
-Well there....  What's the difference?	Well, I mean... I don't know you... This has never... I've never won anything and... I don't have a VCR.
-Well, I mean... I don't know you... This has never... I've never won anything and... I don't have a VCR.	You get a VCR with the membership.  ... For a short time until you get your own.  Listen, why don't you come down to the store and you can check it out.  See if you're interested.
-You get a VCR with the membership.  ... For a short time until you get your own.  Listen, why don't you come down to the store and you can check it out.  See if you're interested.	Did Phyllis in accounting tell you to call me?
-Did Phyllis in accounting tell you to call me?	No!  I told you! You won a contest!
-Hello. My name is Lydia Sinclair.	Yes. Hi..Congratulations. Jack Lucas. Nice to meet you finally. This is Anne Napolitano, the owner of Video Spot.
-So how do we do this?	Well..um...you get an official membership card...  Just sign that and we'll laminate it right here... Parry?  You want to laminate Miss Sinclair's card?...
-Now what?	Uh... you... you can pick out up to ten movies...
-Uh... you... you can pick out up to ten movies...	Free?
-Free?	Yes.  They're free.
-You know, Anne does other people too. Sort of a sideline...	How much?
-How much?	Well, since you're a member, we could...
-Okay... twenty dollars... When can you...	Tonight!  How's tonight?
-Could you help me-- what was the name of that girl who just came in...	What girl?  I didn't notice.
-What girl?  I didn't notice.	Uh... she was wearing a kind of... a flouncy kind of... uh... plain...
-Oh, Lydia!	Lydia.  Lydia what?
-Lydia.  Lydia what?	God, I have no idea.  She's worked here for fifteen years and I have no idea.  I'll call her.
-God, I have no idea.  She's worked here for fifteen years and I have no idea.  I'll call her.	No... no... that's all right... I thought I knew her... Thanks...
-Please don't hurt me?	"""OH beings blind! What ignorance besets you!"
-I need a drink.	I know a great place.  ...UH...WARREN!
-This is it. I'm in hell. Damned to an eternity of idiotic conversation.	Great place huh?
-Have I died?	Hahahahaaa... Nononono... Not yet... Hahahaha...
-Hahahahaaa... Nononono... Not yet... Hahahaha...	If you're going to murder me, that's fine... just don't laugh.
-Where am I?	My abode... My domicile... My neck of the woods... Hungry?  Breakfast?  A fruit pie perhaps?
-My abode... My domicile... My neck of the woods... Hungry?  Breakfast?  A fruit pie perhaps?	No... thanks... Listen --
-No... thanks... Listen --	My name is Parry.
-My name is Parry.	Hi... Where are my shoes?
-Hi... Where are my shoes?	They're --  -- What?
-They're --  -- What?	Where -- ?
-Where -- ?	What!?
-What!?	What?!
-What?!	Sshhhh!
-Do you know what the Little People just told me?	The Little People?
-The Little People?	They said you're The One.
-They said you're The One.	I'm the one what?
-I'm the one what?	Oh shut up!!!
-... I've got a right to say something.  I mean, you're tying my hands here!  They say you're not ready to know.	I'm not...  Now, where are those shoes...
-... Do you know who I am?	Uhh... I'm drawing a blank.
-Uhh... I'm drawing a blank.	Take a guess...  Let him guess!!  Tch.
-Uh... gee... well... you seem to be some kind of vigilante...	No, no... I mean that sort of happens along the way but no...  I'm on a very special quest.
-No, no... I mean that sort of happens along the way but no...  I'm on a very special quest.	A quest?
-A quest?	But I need help and they sent you.
-But I need help and they sent you.	The Little...
-The Little...	They work for Him.
-They work for Him.	Him...?
-Him...?	God... I'm the janitor of God.
-The Holy Grail?  Some billionaire has the Holy Grail sitting in a commode on Madison Avenue?	I know!  You can't imagine how surprised I was.  Who would think you could find anything divine on the Upper East Side.
-I know!  You can't imagine how surprised I was.  Who would think you could find anything divine on the Upper East Side.	Listen... I don't mean to be flippant or to enrage you or anything but... you're an imbecile.  And I'm not The One... I'm not any One...
-I think you're a very nice... very nice psychotic man.  I really appreciate what you did for me.  It was a very brave and noble thing...	Oh, please... you're embarrassing me.
-Oh, please... you're embarrassing me.	I wish you all the luck in the world. When you get the Grail, I'm sure I'll be seeing lots of you on various talk shows...
-I wish you all the luck in the world. When you get the Grail, I'm sure I'll be seeing lots of you on various talk shows...	But I can't get it... He's...
-See, you don't know him... That's why you're the one... You can get it...	Listen, forget the shoes.  I'll just take a cab... Uh...
-Listen, forget the shoes.  I'll just take a cab... Uh...	Parry.
-Parry.	Parry... I'm Jack.
-Parry... I'm Jack.	I know...
-Thanks... You can keep the doll.	Thanks a mill --  And I'll give you a buzz as soon as I hear from the people upstairs and we'll get this thing off the ground... Thanks for stopping by, Jack.  Give my love to the wife and kids.
-I'm not married.	Funny -- you look married.
-"""Soveriegn princess of his captive heart what dire affliction has thou made me suffer, thus banished from thy presence with reproach, and fettered by thy rigorous command, not to appear again before thy beautiful face. Deign princess, to remember this thy faithful slave, who now endures such misery for love of thee""...."	Parry!
-Do you follow her every day?	Huh-huh. I'm deeply smitten.
-Huh-huh. I'm deeply smitten.	What's her name?
-What's her name?	I don't know.
-Why did you do that?	Well, if every time someone did something offensive they hit in the head with a pebble, I think they might alter their behavior. What do you think Jack...
-Here...I just would like to help you. I thought...maybe...you could use some money.	Fifty dollars?
-Here's another twenty. Will that do?  I mean, what's it going to take!	No..no, it's..I don't know what to say. This is so nice of you...Jack...
-That's O.K.	Can I take you to lunch?
-Can I take you to lunch?	No..I have to get back to work. Take care of yourself.
-Well, I think you should be realistic. Ya can't start an ad agency on fifty dollars!	What are you doing?  Give that back!
-But I gave it to you!	Well what am I gonna do with it?
-Well what am I gonna do with it?	I don't know. But I gave it to you...to help YOU...not him.
-I don't know. But I gave it to you...to help YOU...not him.	You really want to help me?
-Pretty impressive huh?...Don't let it scare you. I'll admit it's formidable but everything has it's weakness.	You can't just break into Langdon Carmichael's house. This man has done nothing.
-You can't just break into Langdon Carmichael's house. This man has done nothing.	O.K...let me explain this one more time...The Holly Grail is in -....
-O.K...let me explain this one more time...The Holly Grail is in -....	All right! Listen - please...don't start drooling or...rolling your eyes when I tell you this but - You shouldn't do this..There is no Holy Grail.
-All right! Listen - please...don't start drooling or...rolling your eyes when I tell you this but - You shouldn't do this..There is no Holy Grail.	Of course there is, Jack. What do you think the Crusades were - a frat initiation? I don't think so...There has to be a Grail.
-Of course there is, Jack. What do you think the Crusades were - a frat initiation? I don't think so...There has to be a Grail.	Look, you're only sort of insane, really. People like you can lead semi-normal lives. You could get a job...
-Look, you're only sort of insane, really. People like you can lead semi-normal lives. You could get a job...	I don't need a job. I have a quest.
-I don't need a job. I have a quest.	I take it back - you're fucking deranged... And you're going to get yourself killed trying to get in there!
-I take it back - you're fucking deranged... And you're going to get yourself killed trying to get in there!	Tch. You are so sweet...Now I know why you're saying this. ...You're afraid I'm in danger and you're trying to protect me.
-Tch. You are so sweet...Now I know why you're saying this. ...You're afraid I'm in danger and you're trying to protect me.	No. I think you're a moron and I don't want to get into trouble.
-...You are such a great guy. First the money, now this.  Isn't he fabulous!?	Please don't hug me in public again, O.K.?
-Please don't hug me in public again, O.K.?	I LOVE THIS MAN...YA HEAR ME JADED CITY...  ...I'M DAFFY ABOUT THIS GUY AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!!!
-Will you shut-up!!!	You're a true friend.
-You're a true friend.	I'm not. Believe me. I'm scum.
-I'm not. Believe me. I'm scum.	You're a real honest to goodness good guy.
-You're a real honest to goodness good guy.	I'm self-centered, I'm weak - I don't have the will power of a fly on shit...
-I'm self-centered, I'm weak - I don't have the will power of a fly on shit...	That's why the Little People sent you. Just like magic.
-That's why the Little People sent you. Just like magic.	I don't believe in little floating people! THERE IS NO MAGIC!
-I don't believe in little floating people! THERE IS NO MAGIC!	So what? You going to help me?
-So what? You going to help me?	WILL YOU PLEASE... please listen to me ...  You know none of this is true -                           PARRY the Grail, the voices...                           Jack... There's a part of you that                         Come on...what are knows this isn't true.                             saying... I know who you are...                              I know who you are.. or who you were.                                   You're acting really- You don't belong on the                            No, no, no, no... streets. You're intelligent                        Jack... man....you're a teacher...                         Jacck!... You were a teach at Hunter College. Don't you remember?...
-He knows who you are!  He's afraid!  I can tell!	You're totally gone, aren't you?
-Isn't it great up here... He's gone now, but we had him on the run! We would've had his ass if we had horses! He's running scared!	WHO! WHO'S RUNNING?!! WHO HAVE WE BEEN CHASING!?? CAN I ASK THIS QUESTION NOW!!!
-SAW WHO!!?	The Red Knight!
-The Red Knight!	The Red...?  You're totally gone, aren't you?
-Parry...	Buddy, the days of the debutantes are ... not what they used to be.
-Listen, he just needs to sleep it off. Someone will take care of him.	Who?
-Who?	Well, maybe he wants to stay here.  Do...do you want to stay here?
-It's such a great song.	It's a classic.
-Don't you think it's time to go now? Running around here during the day is one thing but at night we could be killed by a wide variety of people.	Well that's stupid. This is my park just as much as it is theirs. You think it's fair they keep us out just because they make us think we'll get killed or something?
-Well that's stupid. This is my park just as much as it is theirs. You think it's fair they keep us out just because they make us think we'll get killed or something?	Yes. I think that's very fair.
-.....What are you doing?	Have you ever done any cloudbusting? You lie on your back and you concentrate on the clouds...and you try yo break them apart with your mind. It's wild.
-You can't do this! This is New York! Nobody lies in naked in a field in New York..It's...it's too Midwestern.	Come on, try it. Ya feel the air on your body - ya little fella's flappin' in the breeze. ...everybody in the city is busy with their business and no one knows we're bare assed in the middle of it. Come on!
-Come on, try it. Ya feel the air on your body - ya little fella's flappin' in the breeze. ...everybody in the city is busy with their business and no one knows we're bare assed in the middle of it. Come on!	NO! I will not! This is nuts! I'm leaving! I mean it...this is nuts.  This is too nuts...I'm leaving. I mean it!
-..Ha...Little fella? I mean the man talks to invisible people - he sees invisible horses - and he's naked in the middle of Central Park. I should be surprised? I'm not surprised. I'm fucking outta my mind to even be here!	Who are you talking to Jack?
-Who are you talking to Jack?	YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!!
-YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!!	Bingo!
-Are there any questions?	What?
-What?	"Then let's begin with the story itself. It's a story of the Grail myth...And although there are several variations, my favorite begins with the Fisher King as a young boy... who had to spend a night alone in the forest to prove his courage... and during that night, he is visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire, appears the Holy Grail - God's highest symbol of divine grace. And a voice says to the boy, ""You shall be the guardian of the Grail, that it may heal the hearts of men""...But the boy was overcome ...Innocent and foolish, he was blinded by greater visions - a life ahead filled with beauty and glory, hope and power...Tears filled his eyes as he sensed his own... invincibility. A boy's tears of naive wonder and inspiration. and in this state of...radical amazement...he felt for a brief moment, not like a boy, but like God...  ...And so he reached into the fire to take the Grail. And the Grail vanished. And the boy hands were left caught in the flames...leaving him wounded and ashamed at what his recklessness had lost him. When he became King, he was determined to reclaim his destiny and find the Grail... But with each year that passed, with each campaign he fought, the Grail remained lost, and this wound he suffered in the fire grew worse... He became a bitter man. Life for him lost it's reason. With each disappointment, with each betrayal... with each loss ... this wound would grow... Soon the land began to spoil from neglect and his people starved...Until finally, the King lost all faith in God's existance and in man's value...He lost his ability to love or be loved And he was so sick with experience... that he started to die. As the years went on, his bravest knights would search for the Grail that would heal their King and make them the most respected and valued men in the land, but to no avail.  Pretty soon, finding the Grail became a ruthless struggle between ambitious men vying for the King's power, which only confirmed the King's worst suspicions of man, causing his wound to grow. His only hope, he thought, was death. Then one day, a fool was brought in to the King to cheer him.  He was a simple-minded man... not particularly skilled...or admired... He tells the King some jokes...sing him some songs, but the King feels even worse...Finally, the fool says, ""What is it that hurts you so much? How can I help?""...And the King says, ""I need a sip of water to cool my throat""...So, the fool takes a cup from the bedstand, fills it with water and hands it to the King...Suddenly, the King feels a lot better. And when he looks to his hands, he sees that it was the Holy Grail the fool handed him...an ordinary cup that had been beside his bed all along...And the King asks, ""How can this be?...how could you find what all my knights and wisest men could not find""? And the fool answers, ""I don't know. I only knew you were thirsty.""... And for the first time since he was a boy, the King felt more than a man - not because he was touched by God's glory...but rather, by the compassion of a fool."
-I can't ask for her...I have to earn her.	Parry, you don't have to earn a woman. It's the twentieth century.
-Parry, you don't have to earn a woman. It's the twentieth century.	Maybe, when we get the Grail...
-Maybe, when we get the Grail...	Well, see, I think she can help...You know women are great..they...they make homes and they..ya know, kill the livestock so the knights can go out and get Grails and...and slaughter villages with a clear head...I mean, where would Arthur be without Guinevere...
-Well, see, I think she can help...You know women are great..they...they make homes and they..ya know, kill the livestock so the knights can go out and get Grails and...and slaughter villages with a clear head...I mean, where would Arthur be without Guinevere...	Happily married, probably.
-Happily married, probably.	Bad example. Just trust me. A woman who loves you keeps you going...gives you strength... Makes you feel like you can do anything...
-Bad example. Just trust me. A woman who loves you keeps you going...gives you strength... Makes you feel like you can do anything...	Is that what your girlfriend does for you?
-Is that what your girlfriend does for you?	Sure...
-Holdin' my penis...	Parry!  Close your pants...
-Will you stand still so I can do this!	I'm sorry....I'm just so excited.  You must have felt this way when you first met Anne, huh? Where did you two meet?
-I'm sorry....I'm just so excited.  You must have felt this way when you first met Anne, huh? Where did you two meet?	In a bar called Hellfire.
-In a bar called Hellfire.	Tch...how romantic. Yeah. If I wasn't already committed to Lydia, boy. Except Anne'd never go for me though. She loves you too much. And you really love her, huh?
-Tch...how romantic. Yeah. If I wasn't already committed to Lydia, boy. Except Anne'd never go for me though. She loves you too much. And you really love her, huh?	No. But that's not the only reason people get together or..stay together.
-No. But that's not the only reason people get together or..stay together.	What are the other reasons?
-...I feel so much for her...I feel like something awful is going to happen.	No. Nothing bad's going to happen. Anne'll be there. I'll be there. Nothing bad will happen.
-No. Nothing bad's going to happen. Anne'll be there. I'll be there. Nothing bad will happen.	I'm still scared.
-Parry, it's Lydia Sinclair - our membership winner.	I know!
-Beautiful night huh?	Yeah.....Hey they're moving....  Am I doing that?
-Unhand that degenerate - you adolescent ass of a one balled donkey!	It's just a bum...You know, there's enough in here for the two of you.
-It's just a bum...You know, there's enough in here for the two of you.	Ha, ha, ha, ha rubbish...now begone...before somebody drops a house on you!...
-You a fag too?	"Fag..a fag you say!?... ""Curst wolf! Thy fury inward on thyself Pray and consume thee!"""
-"Fag..a fag you say!?... ""Curst wolf! Thy fury inward on thyself Pray and consume thee!"""	Fuck you.
-OWWW....What are you nuts?!	BINGO! Tell the man what he's won!
-I advise you to let us go.	You advise us!
-You advise us!	You're out numbered son.
-Come on! Go for it! What the hell are they gonna do? They can't do nothin!	Nothing! They can do nothing! Gentlemen!
-Are you all right?	OWW...MAN...
-You can't leave me tied up out here alone, you fucking faggot!	You won't be alone for long.
-Parry Parry?	No just Parry.
-No just Parry.	Oh...like Moses.
-"How about the ""Hell Merchants""?"	I don't like horror movies!
-I don't like horror movies!	"How about... Zbiegnew Speizak's ""The Purple Bread,"" an intensely portrayed tale of love and envy set against the sweeping background of a Polish bakery.  In subtitles."
-"How about... Zbiegnew Speizak's ""The Purple Bread,"" an intensely portrayed tale of love and envy set against the sweeping background of a Polish bakery.  In subtitles."	I don't like... uh...  Polish love stories...  ... I like musicals.
-I don't like... uh...  Polish love stories...  ... I like musicals.	Well, we have plenty of those.  Right over here.  We got the MGM series, Astaire and Rogers, the Judy Garlands...
-Well, we have plenty of those.  Right over here.  We got the MGM series, Astaire and Rogers, the Judy Garlands...	Got any Ethel Merman?
-... Uh... we seem to be all out of Ethel Merman.	What a gyp.
-What a gyp.	Yeah.
-...I..uh..I get to read some of the books but mostly I..just calculate production costs from first edition hard cover publication to paperback. After paperback it's basically someone else's problem.	It sounds exciting.
-It sounds exciting.	Why does it sound exciting? There's absolutely nothing exciting about it.
-We mostly publish trashy romance novels.	Well - empires have fallen because of trashy romances...
-How do you know him?	We were neighbors for a couple for weeks on Sutton Place.
-What do you do - for a living I mean?	Well, I'm in search of the Holy Grail.
-Tell me more. I want to know everything.	There isn't any more to tell.
-There isn't any more to tell.	Don't say that.
-Don't say that.	No, really..believe me - there isn't any more. This is it.
-No, really..believe me - there isn't any more. This is it.	Well, it's enough for me.
-Well, it's enough for me.	You don't have to say that.
-You don't have to say that.	I never say anything I have to.
-I never say anything I have to.	I mean you don't have to say nice things to me... That kind of thing is a little old fashioned for what we're about to do.
-I mean you don't have to say nice things to me... That kind of thing is a little old fashioned for what we're about to do.	What are we about to do?
-What are we about to do?	Well... you're walking me home.  I... I guess you're sort of... attracted to me and you'll want to come upstairs for... coffee...
-Well... you're walking me home.  I... I guess you're sort of... attracted to me and you'll want to come upstairs for... coffee...	I don't drink coffee...
-I don't drink coffee...	... and then we'll probably have a drink and talk and get comfortable with each other and... and we'll... then you'll sleep over and then in the morning...  ... you'll be distant and you won't be... able to stay for breakfast... you'll just have some coffee maybe...
-... and then we'll probably have a drink and talk and get comfortable with each other and... and we'll... then you'll sleep over and then in the morning...  ... you'll be distant and you won't be... able to stay for breakfast... you'll just have some coffee maybe...	I don't drink coffee...
-I don't drink coffee...	And then we'll exchange phone numbers and you'll leave and never call and I'll go to work and feel great for the first hour and then slowly turn into a piece of dirt by lunch.  Why am I putting myself through this?  It was very nice... uh meeting you. Good night..
-Excuse me...	Listen, I'm not feeling well.
-Listen, I'm not feeling well.	Well, no wonder.  We just met, made love and broke up all in the space of thirty seconds and I can't even remember the first kiss which is the best part.
-Well, no wonder.  We just met, made love and broke up all in the space of thirty seconds and I can't even remember the first kiss which is the best part.	Listen, you're very nice... b...
-Listen, you're very nice... b...	So are you, but I think maybe you should shut up now...  ... I'm not coming up to your apartment.  That was never my idea.
-So are you, but I think maybe you should shut up now...  ... I'm not coming up to your apartment.  That was never my idea.	Oh... You mean you don't want to.
-Oh... You mean you don't want to.	Oh no, I want to.  I've got a hard-on for you the size of Canada... but I don't... want just one night.  I have a confession to make?
-Oh no, I want to.  I've got a hard-on for you the size of Canada... but I don't... want just one night.  I have a confession to make?	You're married.
-You're married.	No.
-No.	Divorced.
-Divorced.	No, I...
-No, I...	You have a disease.
-You have a disease.	Will you stop!...  ... I'm in love with you...
-... It's not just from tonight.  I've known you for a long time.  I see you come out of work every day.  I walk with you to lunch.  I know what you order... I see you buy Baby Ruths before going back in...  I know how you feel on certain days by whether or not you go into the bookstore...  ... I know you hate your job and you don't have many friends and you sometimes feel like you're not as... as wonderful as everybody else and you're a little uncoordinated  ... and feeling like you're the only one who's as separate and... alone as you are... and I love you.   I love you.  I think you're the greatest thing since... spice racks and I would be knocked out several times if I even got just a first kiss.  But I'll be back in the morning.  And I won't be distant.  And I will call if you let me... But I still don't drink coffee.	Shhh...
-See, I told you it was him...  Your name's Donnie something, right?	I leave it to you.
-I leave it to you.	My name is Shirley, but they call me Betty, and her name's Twinky.
-My name is Shirley, but they call me Betty, and her name's Twinky.	Twinky?
-Twinky?	"Yeah, 'cause she's so ""twinky""..."
-"Yeah, 'cause she's so ""twinky""..."	Well, Betty and Twinky, it sure is nice talking to you girls. I just wish I had more time...
-Well, Betty and Twinky, it sure is nice talking to you girls. I just wish I had more time...	That's a wig you wear, isn't it?
-That's a wig you wear, isn't it?	A wig?
-A wig?	Yeah, I told her it was you, but that you're wearing a wig, 'cause on TV you're mostly bald in the front.
-Yeah, I told her it was you, but that you're wearing a wig, 'cause on TV you're mostly bald in the front.	Your little friend's real sharp there...  Yeah, I don't like to wear the wig on TV, because with two and a half million people watching you, you've gotta be sincere. I just like to wear it when I'm out slippin' around bowling alleys an' things like that. I think it gives me a little more class, don't you?
-We gotta get on home an' relieve the sitter. Why'nt you an' Ray come on over.	Okay. Go ahead. I'll settle up for the beers...  An' walk Rayette over with you, will you.
-Give 'em the horn, Bob.	Look at these assholes! What the hell are they doing?!
-Well, id'n that nice.	It's ridiculous! I'm sitting here, listening to some asshole cracker compare his life to mine!
-If you're sayin' you're somethin' better'n what I am, that's one thing. But I can't say much a someone who'd run off an' leave a woman in a situation like this an' feel easy about it. An' that's all I gotta say.	I hope that's all you gotta say, El, 'cause I'm about as tired of your mouth as I am workin' this stinkin' hole!
-Tell me what in the hell's going on, Elton!	I got accused a robbin' a fillin'station down in the Indian Nation, didn' I tell you...
-You're not going to play it again.	Well, lemme play the other side then.
-Well, lemme play the other side then.	No.
-Now quit, Bobby. You said you're goin' a help me pick a song.	You said.
-You said.	"Well, lemme sing the one I picked an' see what you think...  ""When there's a fire in your heart/Break the glass/Sound the alarm..."""
-How 'bout if I just cut off your damn water?	I'm too moved by your gentility to speak.
-Sugar, you know how I feel about you, don't you? I'm just tryin' to get you to take an interest in my kind a things, an' what I'm tryin' to do with myself...  You know, there id'n anything in the world I wouldn't do for you, baby. I started livin' the day I found you, you know that?	You're playing the other side.
-Cerveza.	Serveza yourself!
-Serveza yourself!	Now, now.
-Now, now.	No, dammit, I would easy.
-Why'nt you take 'at sign off your tit, Ray, an' let's go on out.	Out where?
-I'll go out with you, or I'll stay here, and do anything you'd like for me to do... if you'll just do one thing. If you'll tell me that you love me.	You can sing the song.
-You can sing the song.	You know what, you are never satisfied.
-You know what, you are never satisfied.	That's right, hand.
-I'm tryin', baby, so don't start gettin' mad now.	No, I'm not mad at you, hand. It'll be all right. Just spot and follow through...
-Is it my turn again?	Right. Now show me a little somethin' this time, okay? Give me some form...
-I can't help it, honey, the ball just keeps goin' cocky wobbly on me...	Will you just do what the hell I tell you...
-Will you just do what the hell I tell you...	I did, didn' I, El?
-I did, didn' I, El?	You got another ball comin'.
-That was damn good, wad'n it? I finally did it...	Yeah, great.  Why don't you throw Z's for 19 frames, and then roll a strike on the last ball in the last frame of a losing game? Just wonderful.
-Come on. We're goin' over to Elton's.	I'm not.
-I'm not.	You just going to sit there?
-You just going to sit there?	Yes.
-Yes.	Okay. Hope no one hits on you.
-Okay. Hope no one hits on you.	I hope they do.
-Come on, DiPesto. We can still have a good time.	You're the pathetic one, not me.
-You're the pathetic one, not me.	I'm going on over there...
-I'm going on over there...	I'm not some piece a crap.
-I'm not some piece a crap.	I know you're not.
-I know you're not.	You treat me like I was.
-You treat me like I was.	I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.	You go slippin' around in front a my face, an' in front a Elton an' Stoney. What do you imagine they think a someone you treat that way...
-You go slippin' around in front a my face, an' in front a Elton an' Stoney. What do you imagine they think a someone you treat that way...	Now, hand...
-Elton and Stoney know how I feel about you. An' they're just goin' to think I'm not too nice a guy, which I'm not, an' that you're a hell of a person puttin' up with me, that's all.	You're goin' a find me dead one time.
-You're goin' a find me dead one time.	Sssh, come on now...  Be a good girl.
-Sssh, come on now...  Be a good girl.	If you really want a get up an' leave me, you can read about it in the newsprint.
-If you really want a get up an' leave me, you can read about it in the newsprint.	I'm not going to get up an' leave you.  Now let's go over to El's an' have a good time.
-I'm not going to get up an' leave you.  Now let's go over to El's an' have a good time.	Do you love me, Bobby?
-I'll be gone two or three weeks.	You'll be gone, period.
-You like it?	I love it.
-I love it.	"""You'll be burned out/Or smoked out/An' come back to me, I know..."""
-"""Every trail that you blaze/Makes me..."""	What the hell is that?
-What?	I'll tell you...  ... l-a-t-e-r.
-Just one minute, you! Don't you ever talk to me like that!	Shut up! All of you!
-Are you depressed about your daddy, honey?	No.
-No.	I 'magine it's me then, id'n it?
-I 'magine it's me then, id'n it?	Is what you?
-Is what you?	You're depressed that I come along.
-You're depressed that I come along.	Who said I was depressed?
-Who said I was depressed?	Well, is that a happy face I see?
-'Cause if it was me, I could just catch a Greyhound back.	Oh, you're not going to kill yourself this time. I wish I'd known...
-Why can't I go out to your folks' house? Give me one good reason.	I have to see how things are first. My father's sick, you understand? They wouldn't be prepared for me bringing anyone.
-So how long am I supposed to sit an' twiddle my thumbs in this place?	If you can't do what I ask, Ray, use that money to go back home, then.
-If you can't do what I ask, Ray, use that money to go back home, then.	Bobby, don't talk like that...
-Okay, Ray...	Or maybe sit out by the pool an' get myself nice an' tan for you. Would you like that?
-Or maybe sit out by the pool an' get myself nice an' tan for you. Would you like that?	Sure...
-Sure...	It brings out my eyes...
-It brings out my eyes...	Bye, honey, I'll call you in a couple of days.
-Bye, honey, I'll call you in a couple of days.	Okay...
-This certainly is an improvement on the motel an' the coffee shop.  How could you have left such a beautiful place, Bobby?	I don't know.
-Rayette.	What?
-What?	Just finish eating.
-Just finish eating.	Oh, am I holdin' up dessert?
-It's all right. He don't mean anything by that.	I don't, huh?
-Bobby...	I can't talk to you right now, leave me alone...
-Come on.	Wait a sec. I want Tita to take a picture of you an' me in front of the place...
-Wait a sec. I want Tita to take a picture of you an' me in front of the place...	No, let's go...
-I'm gonna go in that cafe an' get some coffee. You want anything?	No.
-No.	You got any change?
-Sure you don't want anything?	Fill it up.
-Look at my car! Piece of shit! I just bought it brand new from a used-car lot, and the steering goes to the pot on me!	You're lucky no one was hurt.
-You're lucky no one was hurt.	Seven hundred dollars, down the toilet! I'd like to go back and punch the son of a bitch out! Can you give us a lift?
-What's your name?	Palm Apodaca.
-How far are you going to?	Washington.
-Washington.	We'll get off in Washington and hook another ride.
-We'll get off in Washington and hook another ride.	Where are you going?
-Where are you going?	Alaska.
-Alaska.	Alaska? Are you on vacation?
-You don't have to tell everybody about it. Pretty soon they'll all go there and it won't be so clean.	How do you know it's clean?
-How do you know it's clean?	I saw a picture of it. Alaska is very clean. It appeared to look very white to me... Don't you think?
-I saw a picture of it. Alaska is very clean. It appeared to look very white to me... Don't you think?	Yeah. That's before the big thaw.
-I had to leave this place. I got depressed, seeing all the crap. And the thing is, they're making more crap, you know? They've got so many stores and stuff and junk full of crap, I can't believe it.	Who?
-Who?	Who? People, that's who! Pretty soon there won't be room for anyone. They're selling more crap that people go and buy than you can imagine. Oofh! Crap! I believe everybody should have a big hole where they throw in all this stuff and burn it.
-Well...	It's just filthy. People are dirty. I think that's the biggest thing that's wrong with people. I think they wouldn't be as violent if they were clean, because then they wouldn't have anybody to pick on... Oofh... Dirt...
-Hey, mack!	Shut up.  You have bread, don't you, and a toaster of some kind?
-Fantastic! That you could figure all that out, and lay that down on her, to come up with a way you could get your toast.	I didn't get it, did I?
-I didn't get it, did I?	No, but it was very clever... I would of just punched her out.
-Can I get you anything else?	No. How much do I owe you?
-No. How much do I owe you?	Five'll do it.
-No substitutions.	What does that mean? You don't have any tomatoes?
-What does that mean? You don't have any tomatoes?	No. We have tomatoes.
-No. We have tomatoes.	But I can't have any. Is that what you mean?
-But I can't have any. Is that what you mean?	Only what's on the menu...  A Number Two: Plain omelette. It comes with cottage fries and rolls.
-Only what's on the menu...  A Number Two: Plain omelette. It comes with cottage fries and rolls.	I know what it comes with, but that's not what I want.
-I know what it comes with, but that's not what I want.	I'll come back when you've made up your mind...
-Wait, I've made up my mind. I want a plain omelette, forget the tomatoes, don't put potatoes on the plate, and give me a side of wheat toast and a cup of coffee.	I'm sorry, we don't have side orders of toast. I can give you an English muffin or a coffee roll.
-I'm sorry, we don't have side orders of toast. I can give you an English muffin or a coffee roll.	What do you mean, you don't have side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don't you?
-What do you mean, you don't have side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don't you?	Would you like to talk to the manager?
-I don't make the rules.	Okay, I'll make it as easy for you as I can. Give me an omelette, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast -- no butter, no mayonnaise, no lettuce -- and a cup of coffee.
-One Number Two, and a chicken sal san -- hold the butter, the mayo, the lettuce -- and a cup of coffee... Anything else?	Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, charge me for the sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.
-Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, charge me for the sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.	You want me to hold the chicken.
-You want me to hold the chicken.	Yeah. I want you to hold it between your knees.
-Wasn't it, ladies?	Are you talking to us?
-We been wantin' to ask you something. Are you the guy on YV?	Am I on TV?
-Am I on TV?	She says you're the one that sells all the cars on TV.
-She says you're the one that sells all the cars on TV.	Well, I don't claim to have sold 'em all. They still have some left, I believe.
-I'm gonna give you our number, Donnie, just in case...  We're both professionals, if you didn't guess.	Well, you seem very professional...
-Well, you seem very professional...	I always tell everyone the same thing. I got rolled and beat up real bad recently, and since then it's two for one, an' I work strictly in tandem with Betty...
-Tea.	Would you tell her Bobby's here?
-Oh my goodness... Bobby...	Hi, Tita.
-Robert Eroica...	Now don't...
-Now don't...	No, I'm not...  I'm not.
-No, I'm not...  I'm not.	That's good.
-I just can't look at you.	Don't, then.
-You always do this to me.	Well, I don't mean to.  Here's your tea, Tita.
-Well, I don't mean to.  Here's your tea, Tita.	Thank you...  Oh no, don't put it on there...
-Sorry.	This is a very special, very old CB 275...
-This is a very special, very old CB 275...	Oh.
-Oh.	You know who it once belonged to?
-You know who it once belonged to?	No.
-No.	Waldnit von Schnechter. Prewar.
-Waldnit von Schnechter. Prewar.	No kidding.
-Robert...	Very nice.
-Very nice.	I have to talk seriously with you...
-I have to talk seriously with you...	Everybody still up on the Island?
-Everybody still up on the Island?	Well, Herbert's mostly on the mainland because of the orchestra, so at the moment, there's just Daddy, Carl and myself... and Van Oost.
-Well, Herbert's mostly on the mainland because of the orchestra, so at the moment, there's just Daddy, Carl and myself... and Van Oost.	Who's Van Oost?
-Who's Van Oost?	Catherine -- she's a pianist. She's working with Carl.
-Catherine -- she's a pianist. She's working with Carl.	Carl's a fiddler. What's he doing coaching piano?
-Carl's a fiddler. What's he doing coaching piano?	Well, 11 months ago he was on his bicycle, on his way to the post office in La Roche... and he ran into a Jeep and sprained his neck...
-It's not funny. He permanently sprained his neck, and since then it's been extremely difficult for him to tuck the violin.	Crashes into a Jeep and totals his neck.  That's Carl...
-Crashes into a Jeep and totals his neck.  That's Carl...	Robert, I have to tell you something...
-Robert, I have to tell you something...	What?
-What?	Daddy's very ill.
-Daddy's very ill.	Oh, well, what, what's he...
-Oh, well, what, what's he...	He's had two strokes.
-He's not... They feel he... maybe he might not recover, and that he'll either...	Don't tell me about this...
-Yeah... I guess so...	I'm going back up tonight. Will you go with me?
-I'm going back up tonight. Will you go with me?	No...
-I'd rather drive up myself and... maybe go into Canada after... And I can't stay long, Tita, probably a week, at the most.	I know.
-Well...  I better let you...	Wait...
-Maybe you better stay, then.	No, I need to talk to you, about so many things...
-No, I need to talk to you, about so many things...	Well, I'll be seeing you in a couple of days, won't I?
-Oh God, I'm so glad, Robert, that you're coming...	Yeah, me, too...
-Yeah, me, too...	It'll be so good for you, and for Daddy, because you know, you've never really...
-It'll be so good for you, and for Daddy, because you know, you've never really...	Tita, I've got to go...
-Tita, I've got to go...	All right...
-Well, I really appreciate it, Carl.	I don't think you should infer Daddy was wrong in front of him...
-How long have you been staying here?	A couple of months.
-He has ways of communicating, Robert. I can tell when he's expressing approval or disapproval, just from his eyes...	Uhm hmm. Some range.
-Uhm hmm. Some range.	It's not that bad.
-It's not that bad.	Yes, it is. I can't take seeing him, sitting there like a stone.
-Yes, it is. I can't take seeing him, sitting there like a stone.	A week or two isn't going to ruin your life, for Godsakes.
-I mean, you think I'm that happy?	No, I don't.  You should've left a long time ago.
-No, I don't.  You should've left a long time ago.	We can't all get up and leave, can we? I mean, there are certain needs you have to respond to...
-What questions?	Well, do you -- I mean, have you enjoyed all these... strange things you've been doing?
-Well, do you -- I mean, have you enjoyed all these... strange things you've been doing?	Sometimes.
-Why? Am I some kind of freak to you or something?	No, no, I don't think that, I'm just curious about it...  Do you think I'm a freak?
-No, no, I don't think that, I'm just curious about it...  Do you think I'm a freak?	Sort of.
-Oh no... Why? What is it? The way I look?	No, I don't really think you're a freak.
-No, I don't really think you're a freak.	I probably am, but I don't care. I mean, I wasn't that blessed to begin with, and when would I have had time to make any improvements...
-I probably am, but I don't care. I mean, I wasn't that blessed to begin with, and when would I have had time to make any improvements...	What about Carl and Catherine? Is he just coaching her, or what?
-What about Carl and Catherine? Is he just coaching her, or what?	Constantly. Night and day. And unless I get up before the birds, I can't get in any practice time for myself...
-Constantly. Night and day. And unless I get up before the birds, I can't get in any practice time for myself...	Uhm hmm.
-Uhm hmm.	Actually, it's very admirable, the way she works. She'll probably be enormously successful, because she's attractive as well, not that that's so important in music, but...
-Actually, it's very admirable, the way she works. She'll probably be enormously successful, because she's attractive as well, not that that's so important in music, but...	You're attractive, Tita. If you just did a little more with yourself...
-You're attractive, Tita. If you just did a little more with yourself...	Like what?
-Like what?	Well, if you just maybe did something with your hair, or...
-Well, if you just maybe did something with your hair, or...	Oh, let's not talk about my hair, it does what it wants to, and anyway, who cares, I want to talk about you...
-Oh, let's not talk about my hair, it does what it wants to, and anyway, who cares, I want to talk about you...	There's nothing to say, Tita...
-Well, you're not going to run out on me right away, are you?	I don't know.
-Do you want some gingerbread?	What?
-What?	With applesauce?
-With applesauce?	No, thanks...
-Look at that.	Why are you being so mean?
-Why are you being so mean?	I'm not. He does walk funny. Don't you see that?
-I don't think I'd notice. I'm so used to Carl.	Yeah, well, he's...
-I think he's got a terrific personality.	You know, he was formerly a sailor.
-Look, can't you see that, what I'm talking about?	Sailors are sadistic, I feel.
-Where is she, anyway?	My turn.
-It's none of your business!	Where's Catherine?!
-Where's Catherine?!	I don't know where she is!
-I'm talking to you, Tita!	Can't I have anything to myself, dammit?!
-You're leaving?	Yeah. I said a week, and I've overstayed myself...
-Yeah. I said a week, and I've overstayed myself...	You were going without saying goodbye?
-You were going without saying goodbye?	I didn't want to say goodbye to anyone.
-I didn't want to say goodbye to anyone.	But what about me?
-But what about me?	I'll say goodbye to you, Tita.
-Bye, now.	Bye, Robert.
-What have you been doing since then?	What have I been doing? Different things, different jobs, here and there. Nothing that interesting.
-What have I been doing? Different things, different jobs, here and there. Nothing that interesting.	And you no longer play at all?
-Hello...	I guess you fell in the water.
-I guess you fell in the water.	Yes, intentionally.
-Yes, intentionally.	That's dangerous, you know.
-That's dangerous, you know.	Swimming?
-Swimming?	Playing piano all day and then jumping into cold water. You could get a cramp.
-I love to swim, and I don't mind the cold at all. It's invigorating.	Well, I wouldn't want to get too invigorated myself.
-Well, I wouldn't want to get too invigorated myself.	Why?
-Why?	What would I do with it? Run amok?
-Besides piano and swimming, what else do you do?	Well, there's fishing and boating. There's concerts on the mainland and... but I feel silly telling you. This is really your home. You probably know better than I what there is to do.
-Well, there's fishing and boating. There's concerts on the mainland and... but I feel silly telling you. This is really your home. You probably know better than I what there is to do.	Nothing.
-Nothing.	Nothing? Then it must be very boring for you here.
-Nothing? Then it must be very boring for you here.	That's right. Have you anything to suggest?
-That's right. Have you anything to suggest?	I don't know. Let me give it some thought.
-Right now I'm going to run a hot tub and soak myself.	Then after that?
-After that, I plan to read some music and rest for awhile.	Tomorrow, then.
-Tomorrow, then.	Tomorrow's a full practice day...  But the day after is kind of open.
-Carl has hydrotherapy on Tuesdays.	The day after tomorrow.
-The day after tomorrow.	If you're free.
-If you're free.	Yeah, I'll probably be free.
-One thing that's hard to understand is how you could have this incredible background in music, and then just walk away from it, without a second thought...	I gave it a second thought.
-I mean, how could you not play anymore? That's so strange to me...	I have played a few times. Here and there. As a matter of fact, I was once a rehearsal pianist for a Las Vegas musical revue.
-I have played a few times. Here and there. As a matter of fact, I was once a rehearsal pianist for a Las Vegas musical revue.	You don't call that music, though.
-You don't call that music, though.	Of course I do. It's music. You know...
-That was beautiful, Robert. I'm surprised...	Thank you.
-Thank you.	I was really very moved by the way you...
-Is that funny?	It wasn't supposed to be, it just struck me that way.
-It wasn't supposed to be, it just struck me that way.	Why?
-Why?	Nothing. It's just that... I picked the easiest piece I could remember. I think I first played it when I was 8 years old and I played it better then.
-Nothing. It's just that... I picked the easiest piece I could remember. I think I first played it when I was 8 years old and I played it better then.	It doesn't matter. It was the feeling I was affected by.
-It doesn't matter. It was the feeling I was affected by.	I didn't have any.
-I didn't have any.	You had no inner feeling?
-You had no inner feeling?	None.
-None.	Then I must have been supplying it.
-Wait...	Well, at least you're accomplished at something...
-Well, at least you're accomplished at something...	What?
-What?	At being a fake.
-Catherine...	No, you're very good at it. I'm really impressed.
-You think I'm a fake.	I think it's what you think.
-I think it's what you think.	No, it isn't what I think.
-No, it isn't what I think.	Look... You made a very calculated move, and then made me feel embarrassed for responding to you. That wasn't necessary.
-Yes, it was. You've made it clear that if I can cut a little piano, I might get a little response.	I don't think that's accurate...
-I don't think that's accurate...	Up to now, what I've been getting from you are meaningful looks over the dinner table and a lot of vague suggestions about the day after tomorrow...
-Up to now, what I've been getting from you are meaningful looks over the dinner table and a lot of vague suggestions about the day after tomorrow...	I'm not conscious of having given you any meaningful looks. And as for the day after tomorrow, this is the day after tomorrow, and I am, unfortunately, seeing you... Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to take a bath.
-It's convenient to fake looking for something right now, isn't it?	I'm not faking anything. I'm looking for some bath oil...
-I'm not faking anything. I'm looking for some bath oil...	Some bath oil?
-I don't find your language that charming.	It's direct, anyway, which seems to be difficult for you.
-It's direct, anyway, which seems to be difficult for you.	I'd like you to leave now. Is that direct enough?
-Serious, that's what's important to you?	Yes, that's what's important to me...
-No, don't do that...	Shut up...
-No inner feeling.	That's right.
-That's right.	I don't believe vou.
-I married him when I was 17. He was a cellist, and I thought he was the most brilliant man I'd ever met... And I'm sure he was, because at that age, I hadn't met that many... But he was insidious, you know. He had me convinced that I was a mediocrity, musically, as a woman, as an intellect. But in this completely imperceptible, pleasant way, so that you weren't even sure he was doing it. Anyway, I just woke up one morning and I said, you know something Joseph, you're full of beans, and I left him...	That's what you said?
-That's what you said?	Something witty and devastating like that.
-As a matter of fact, he's the one who introduced me to Carl...  How are you?	I'm fine.
-I'm fine.	Carl restored my confidence. He really did. He's much more substantial than you give him credit for.
-Carl restored my confidence. He really did. He's much more substantial than you give him credit for.	Is he?
-Is he?	Yes.
-Do you think you could discreetly move across the hall now?	Yeah, I think I could.
-Robert?	What?
-What?	I could spend some time with you tomorrow morning, before Carl comes back, I mean, if you'd like to.
-I could spend some time with you tomorrow morning, before Carl comes back, I mean, if you'd like to.	Of course I'd like to.
-Where are you going?	I'm going to pick up some friends of Carl's. Are you all right?
-I'm going to pick up some friends of Carl's. Are you all right?	I have to talk to you.
-I have to talk to you.	I'll be back later...
-No, I want to talk to you now. I have to explain something about...	No, you don't have to, it isn't necessary...
-No, you don't have to, it isn't necessary...	Yes, it is!
-No, I can't...	Will you let me talk to you, please?
-Will you let me talk to you, please?	I can't do that. I haven't been being fair to Carl. I have to tell you that.
-I can't do that. I haven't been being fair to Carl. I have to tell you that.	Oh. You have to tell me that.
-Oh. You have to tell me that.	What?! I can't hear you!
-I'm sorry everything's been so confusing, but I have to go, Robert...	Catherine...
-Catherine...	Please, I'll see you later this evening.
-No. It's useless, Robert. It wouldn't work, not ever...	Just give me a chance, will you?
-Just give me a chance, will you?	I'm trying to be delicate with you, but you're not understanding me. It's not just because of Carl, or my music, but because of you...  I mean, what would it come to? If a person has no love for himself, no respect, no love for his work, his family, his friends, something... How can he ask for love in return? I mean, why should he ask for it?
-And living out here, in this rest home asylum, that's what you want?	Yes.
-Yes.	That'll make you happy.
-That'll make you happy.	I hope it will, yes.  I'm sorry.
-Four or five years.	No, the last time was three years ago.
-Did you hear about my misfortune, Robert?	What?
-What?	It's still nearly impossible for me to turn my neck. If I wanted to turn toward Catherine, for instance, I'd first have to twist the whole base of my body around...  ... like this...
-She's tremendously gifted, this girl.	Is she?
-I hope you feel at home, Robert.  I'm really glad you're here.	Thanks, Carl...
-Robert, do you mind?	What?
-What?	Nothing. Will you excuse us for a while?
-You sure you should be playing, Carl?	What do you mean? Aside from my neck, I'm in superb shape.
-I'm not aware of it. Like what?	Your serve. Two -- Eighteen.
-I've walked across a stage a number of times, without exciting any particular response...	That's what I mean...
-See? There's nothing wrong with the way I walk. Now where are we?	At game, Carl.
-That's three games to none, Carl.	All right, let's have a rematch.
-All right, let's have a rematch.	I thought you had to go to the mainland today. Aren't you going to miss the ferry?
-Oh, for chrissakes...	Robert, let's not be rude, okay?
-Robert, I think you better just...	You're all full of shit!
-Come on, get moving, dammit!!	Will you shut up for a minute!!  Pull your car out of line.
-Haven't you got a jacket or anything with you?	No, I don't, I uh... it got burned up. Everything in the car got the shit burned out of it. All I got left is what I have on...
-No, I don't, I uh... it got burned up. Everything in the car got the shit burned out of it. All I got left is what I have on...	I've got an extra jacket behind the seat, if you want to put it on.
-I've got an extra jacket behind the seat, if you want to put it on.	No, it's okay.
-No, it's okay.	Suit yourself. But I'll tell you, where we're headed is gonna get colder'n hell.
-Suit yourself. But I'll tell you, where we're headed is gonna get colder'n hell.	It's all right. I'm fine.
-You've been staying in a motel all this time?	For two whole weeks, an' there wasn't hardly nobody there to talk to but me. The manager of the place told me it was the off season, an' it must a ben, because other'n me, there was just this 25-year-old kid, DeLyon, that didn't appear to be all there, an' this old married pair next to me that was always hollerin' for quiet. Can you imagine? All you could a heard there was a pin, an' them, hollerin' away...
-For two whole weeks, an' there wasn't hardly nobody there to talk to but me. The manager of the place told me it was the off season, an' it must a ben, because other'n me, there was just this 25-year-old kid, DeLyon, that didn't appear to be all there, an' this old married pair next to me that was always hollerin' for quiet. Can you imagine? All you could a heard there was a pin, an' them, hollerin' away...	I don't understand why you had to stay in a motel. There's more than enough room here.
-I don't understand why you had to stay in a motel. There's more than enough room here.	Well, I was goin' to, but Bobby said he hadda kind of feel things up here first, which I can understand, but then it went an' took so long, I ran flat outa money...  I didn't have no number to call, you know.  So I hadda clear outa there an' come on up here, in the hopes that I wouldn't be intrudin' myself...
-Well, I was goin' to, but Bobby said he hadda kind of feel things up here first, which I can understand, but then it went an' took so long, I ran flat outa money...  I didn't have no number to call, you know.  So I hadda clear outa there an' come on up here, in the hopes that I wouldn't be intrudin' myself...	Oh, no. You're more than welcome.
-Oh, no. You're more than welcome.	Well, thank you, that's a very nice thing for you to say.
-Well, thank you, that's a very nice thing for you to say.	Not at all.
-No, you're not. Go ahead and take your time.	I do eat slow as a bird, whereas Bobby can put it away like a speed swing...  Is there any ketchup around?
-What kind of doggy is that?	It's a Borzoi.
-It's a Borzoi.	Oh, uh huh. I had a little kittycat once, that Bobby give me...
-Oh no, it's been much more than that.	Away from the piano, Tita, you have no sense of time at all.
-Away from the piano, Tita, you have no sense of time at all.	I don't think that's true.
-I don't think that's true.	It is true.
-It is true.	Besides being very rude.
-You know, just after I came back off tour with the Betenthaller Quartet, Dad, myself and Herbert had a summit conference about you...	"Oh, my, ""a summit conference."" I wonder where I was, polishing silver behind the coal bin."
-"Oh, my, ""a summit conference."" I wonder where I was, polishing silver behind the coal bin."	I don't know where you were, penis envy.
-I don't know where you were, penis envy.	I hope I didn't hear that.
-I hope I didn't hear that.	"At any rate, Dad wanted to hire a private detective to ferret you out, and I said, ""What for?"" Whatever the hell he's doing, even if it's a completely wasteful escapade, it's entirely his business. Simple as that..."
-What's wrong, Carl, you hardly ate anything...	I took some aspirin and it really upset my stomach.
-And what about love?	What about it? Wouldn't you agree that a great deal of mischief has been done in the name of love?
-What about it? Wouldn't you agree that a great deal of mischief has been done in the name of love?	No, I wouldn't.
-No, I wouldn't.	Well, you're a romantic, Catherine, as are most musicians, and what's more, about to be married...
-... which should exclude you from any objective discussion. But keep in mind, even the arts aren't free of aggressive content, nor the institution of marriage.	"I think these cold, ""objective"" discussions are aggressive, Samia..."
-But I'd like to say, so that I don't dampen the spirit of your adventure...	You haven't dampened my spirit, Samia... Excuse me.
-You haven't dampened my spirit, Samia... Excuse me.	Well, I should hope not...
-Come on, Terry, we got a ride!	Jesus, what a rude person...
-There'd never be a hole big enough. Now took at me, for instance, when I was just one person, before Bobby, I had so much garbage collectin' onto me every day, I was thinkin' about gettin a dispose all...	A dispose-all, what's that but more crap? I've never seen such crap. Oofh, I don't know how people get up in the morning.
-Well...	Not dirt. See, dirt isn't bad. It's filth. Filth is bad. That's what starts maggots and riots...
-Hey, follow that truck. They know the best places to stop.	That's an old maid's tale.
-That's an old maid's tale.	Bullshit! Truck drivers know the best eating places on the road.
-Salesmen and cops are the ones. If you'd ever waitressed, honey, you'd know.	"Don't call me ""honey,"" mack."
-"Don't call me ""honey,"" mack."	"Don't call me ""mack,"" honey."
-"Don't call me ""mack,"" honey."	I wouldn't be a waitress. They're nasty and full of crap.
-I wouldn't be a waitress. They're nasty and full of crap.	You better hold onto your tongue!
-You better hold onto your tongue!	Hold onto this.
-Mass production is what does it.	"What do you mean ""mass""... I have to come out and tell you, you're not that clean, either."
-"What do you mean ""mass""... I have to come out and tell you, you're not that clean, either."	Wait a minute. I'm not that neat, maybe, but I am clean.
-Wait a minute. I'm not that neat, maybe, but I am clean.	Well, you're not that bad, but some people... I mean, people's homes, just filth. I've been in people's homes...
-Well, you're not that bad, but some people... I mean, people's homes, just filth. I've been in people's homes...	In my personal observation, I think that more people are neat than are clean...
-In my personal observation, I think that more people are neat than are clean...	In my personal thing, I don't see that. I'm seeing more filth. A lot of filth. What they need to do every day, no, once in a while, is a cockroach thing, where they spray the homes. And uh... can you imagine, if their doors were painted a pretty color, and they had a pot outside, with...
-In my personal thing, I don't see that. I'm seeing more filth. A lot of filth. What they need to do every day, no, once in a while, is a cockroach thing, where they spray the homes. And uh... can you imagine, if their doors were painted a pretty color, and they had a pot outside, with...	Yeah, it could be adorable...
-Yeah, it could be adorable...	And they picked up! I mean, it wouldn't be filthy, with Coke bottles and whiskey, and those signs everywhere...
-And you know, I read where they invented this car that runs on... that runs on... when you boil water...	Steam.
-Steam.	Right, steam. A car you could ride around in and not cause a stink. But do you know, they will not even let us have it. Can you believe it? Why?! Man! He likes to create a stink. I wrote them a note once, and told them to clean it... I mean, don't you see that? It's just filthy! I mean, I've seen filth you wouldn't believe! Oofh, what a stink! I don't even want to talk about it...
-John believes in the basic goodness of man, and that's fine, but gaze into the pit like I have and that view seems a little soporific. And not unlike television, it hardly represents the real world...	There's some good things on it, though.
-There's some good things on it, though.	Pardon me?
-Pardon me?	The TV. There's some good things on it, sometimes.
-The TV. There's some good things on it, sometimes.	I strongly doubt it, but I wasn't really discussing media...
-"The choice of words, ""squashed flat,"" juxtaposed against the image of a fluffy kitten..."	Well, she was.
-Well, she was.	Perhaps...
-Miss Dupea.	Yes.
-I'd like to remind you again, this isn't an opera or a musical comedy.	Oh... I'm sorry. Was I singing again?
-Oh... I'm sorry. Was I singing again?	If you want to call it that.
-If you want to call it that.	Well, you have to simply tell me, that's all.
-Well, you have to simply tell me, that's all.	That's exactly what I am doing, again.
-That's exactly what I am doing, again.	Do you have to let me get halfway through the movement first? This is tiring me.
-Do you have to let me get halfway through the movement first? This is tiring me.	I have a suggestion. Why don't we take a break.
-I have a suggestion. Why don't we take a break.	Oh, for pity's sake...
-Don't fuck wit' me! Don't fuck wit' me.  My lawyer's so good he'll have you workin in Alaska, so dress warn.	Aaron, how you doin'?
-Aaron, how you doin'?	Fine.
-Fine.	Look at me.
-Look at me.	What?
-What?	Why you have an attitude for?
-Why you have an attitude for?	Not now, I'm busy
-Not now, I'm busy	God, I just wanna speak to you. I just wanna speak to you the way I feel about you.
-God, I just wanna speak to you. I just wanna speak to you the way I feel about you.	Hurry up, you're wastin' my time, what the fuck.
-Please don't scream at me. I like you, but I don't like the way your attitude is.	So get the fuck outta here.
-I wanna go out with you, I want to be part of your life. I want you to treat me the way a girlfriend should be treated.	Then don't go out with me.
-Then don't go out with me.	"For once in your life have some 	respect for me, don't even curse at me or nothin'."
-"For once in your life have some 	respect for me, don't even curse at me or nothin'."	Now she's tellin' me what the fuck to do.
-Now she's tellin' me what the fuck to do.	God, you drive me crazy. I just want you to know how I feel and you don't understand.
-God, you drive me crazy. I just want you to know how I feel and you don't understand.	Just get the fuck outta here.
-Alright, tell me, what'd you hear?	There's a rumor that you were tryin' to get somebody to beat me up.
-There's a rumor that you were tryin' to get somebody to beat me up.	What chu listening to rumors for? I'm not like dat.
-What chu listening to rumors for? I'm not like dat.	Is it true?
-I told you, no. I'm not that type.	Then I want you to go to whoever's sayin' that and tell them to stop.
-Then I want you to go to whoever's sayin' that and tell them to stop.	Alright.
-Who are you?	I'm wit' Carlos.
-Do you have a name?	Victor.
-Victor.	What?
-What?	Victor.
-Wussup?	Wussup.
-Yo.	Hi.
-Hi.	Remember me, from the pool?
-Remember me, from the pool?	Um. Yeah! Shorty!
-So watcha doin'?	Nothin'.
-Nothin'.	What are you doin' here?
-What are you doin' here?	I, umm, came to see you.
-I, umm, came to see you.	You know somebody around here?
-You know somebody around here?	No.  What you do today?
-No.  What you do today?	Oh you know, cleaned the house, cooked. Took care of my little sisters. Sit down. So where's Carlos?
-Oh you know, cleaned the house, cooked. Took care of my little sisters. Sit down. So where's Carlos?	I guess he's outside someplace I don't like takin' him down to certain places.
-Whadja wanna see me about?	I just wanted to see you.
-So you got a girl?	Of course.
-Of course.	So what's her name?
-So what's her name?	You know. I got a lot, more than one.
-You know. I got a lot, more than one.	A play-ya.
-A play-ya.	You got a boyfriend?
-You got a boyfriend?	Me? No. Don't want none either. Such bastards, man.
-So wadda you do with your girls?	Just chill.
-Just chill.	That's it?
-That's it?	Nah, we make out and stuff.
-So what you think of me?	You look good.
-You look good.	I look good, that's it. So what else do you do for these girls?
-I look good, that's it. So what else do you do for these girls?	I buy them flowers.
-I buy them flowers.	How you treat them?
-How you treat them?	Good. I'm faithful to them.
-See, I got you, you are so scared. I don't believe that you kissed no girls. That you got three girls and that you faithful and this and that.	I did.
-I did.	Well, you know I'm standin' here and you say I look good?
-Well, you know I'm standin' here and you say I look good?	I kissed those girls.
-I kissed those girls.	No you didn't, you ain't provin'it.
-No you didn't, you ain't provin'it.	I aint gotta prove nothin' to no girl, 'cause I got it like dat.
-I aint gotta prove nothin' to no girl, 'cause I got it like dat.	Oh, 'cause you got it like dat?
-Come down!	I can't!
-Who gives!	I can't, I'm gonna get punished more!
-Wussup?	Wussup, Victor.
-Wussup, Victor.	Yo, can I talk to you for a minute?
-Eddie from Compost?	Eddie from Baruch, the one who was sittin' wit' dat little girl;
-Why don't you ask Eddie?	Yo, Carlos-I'm gonna punch you.
-Why?	I got punished, man.
-I got punished, man.	Fa what?
-Fa what?	I won't let my motha cut my hair.
-I won't let my motha cut my hair.	Wha'?
-Wha'?	She fucks it all up!
-She fucks it all up!	Forget it! C'mon Let's go to the pool.
-Forget it! C'mon Let's go to the pool.	I can't man, I'm punished!
-They are?	Yeah! Tell me which one you would like. To be doin' nothin on a fire escape or beat the pool with a bunch of girls? Be straight up!
-Yeah! Tell me which one you would like. To be doin' nothin on a fire escape or beat the pool with a bunch of girls? Be straight up!	I'll be right down.
-So what girls are over there?	Natasha, Maria, Tina-
-Natasha, Maria, Tina-	These are the pretty girls you told me to come down for?
-What are you going that way for?	I'm not goin' to 10th Street, people piss and shit in that pool,
-I'm not goin' to 10th Street, people piss and shit in that pool,	Where you goin'?
-Where you goin'?	Pitt.
-Pitt.	Oh man, what we gotta leave ar' own neighborhood for?
-Oh man, what we gotta leave ar' own neighborhood for?	C'mon.
-C'mon.	Man, if I go down you're goin' down with me.
-Amanda is Eddie's cousin.	Eddie from Compost?
-Eddie from Compost?	No, Baruch.
-I gotta go take a piss.	If we were at 10th Street Pool you woulda done it right in the water, right?
-Yo, remember from the pool, that girl?	Which one?
-Which one?	You know, Eddie's cousin.
-The one with the phat ass?	No, c'mon, stop playin'. The girl that you kissed when we got there. Where s he live at?
-I'm gonna punch you. What you want with her anyway? You in love with her?	She lives near Eddie?
-She lives near Eddie?	I think she lives down by Pitt.
-I think she lives down by Pitt.	Near Natasha's? Or over by Boy's Club?
-Near Natasha's? Or over by Boy's Club?	I think by Twenty-two.
-I think by Twenty-two.	For real?
-For real?	What you want with her anyway'
-Yo! What you goin' for	'Cause you know what, you're not supposed to know but yesterday she lent me her pills for her Moms and if I don't give 'em to her she's gonna die. You want her to die?
-How does he look up close?	Umm, he got dark brownish eyes, he got a nice nose I love his nose. I love his skin. I love his lips, he got a great smile and he got-
-Umm, he got dark brownish eyes, he got a nice nose I love his nose. I love his skin. I love his lips, he got a great smile and he got-	A bad attitude.
-A bad attitude.	Yeah, he got a bad attitude.
-Yeah, he got a bad attitude.	You said before, that he got boxes?
-Yeah, he got boxes in his stomach. He's taller than me.	How old is he?
-How old is he?	I think he's 18 or 17.
-I think he's 18 or 17.	You gonna talk to him?
-You gonna talk to him?	Um, yeah I think so.
-Like this?	Yeah, that's right, you got it girl.
-Now salsa, you know how to dance salsa?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Okay, then dance. Show.
-You looking for somebody?	Wha'?
-Wha'?	You here to see somebody?
-You here to see somebody?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Who?
-Who?	A girl named Amanda.
-A girl named Amanda.	What she look like?
-What she look like?	She's like this high, dark hair, skinny
-She's like this high, dark hair, skinny	Yo, that's my girl.
-Yo, that's my girl.	She didn't say she had no man.
-She didn't say she had no man.	I suggest you turn around and go back to where you came from.
-You sure? She's got kind of like brown hair.	Positive.
-Positive.	You sure?
-You sure?	Positive.
-Positive.	My friend told me she lived around here.
-My friend told me she lived around here.	Your friend must be misinformed.
-Your friend must be misinformed.	Didn't I see you at Pitt yesterday?
-So what do you want with her anyway?	I'm a good friend of hers.
-I'm a good friend of hers.	How do I know you're not lying.
-How do I know you're not lying.	Yo, I know what you're thinking, that I'm one of those guys that keep coming up to her.
-Yo, I know what you're thinking, that I'm one of those guys that keep coming up to her.	Probably.  One of the many.
-Probably.  One of the many.	What?
-What?	Nothing.
-No.	So, then whadda ya want?
-You wanna do somethin' with me?	Not really.
-Not really.	Hey!
-Hey!	Wha'?
-Where you know Amanda from?	Jus' from around the way.
-Jus' from around the way.	You live around here?
-You live around here?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	You gotta girLfrLend?
-I know how ta get him back if you want.	Nah.
-First of all, let me just reiterate that this is not a formal investigation. I'm not going through formal channels here, because if Alan Stanwyk is not involved in any improprieties, then nobody has to know I was even --	Alan Stanwyk is not involved in improprieties. Where the hell does the S.E.C. come off --
-Look. You know that and I know that, but somebody's bucking for a promotion. I think it's that bozo, Hanrahan, I can't be sure. Anyway, unless I go back there with something, you and your son-in-law are next week's scapegoats.	Unbelievable.
-Unbelievable.	I feel like dirt. They even want to know what he's doing in Utah?
-I feel like dirt. They even want to know what he's doing in Utah?	Utah?  Jesus Christ! First of all, Alan Stanwyk does not own one share of stock.The three million dollars for the ranch in Provo comes from my daughter who converted some of her personal holdings, not company holdings. Now if anybody in DC wants to make something of that, bring 'em on. Until then, get the hell out of my face.
-Utah?  Jesus Christ! First of all, Alan Stanwyk does not own one share of stock.The three million dollars for the ranch in Provo comes from my daughter who converted some of her personal holdings, not company holdings. Now if anybody in DC wants to make something of that, bring 'em on. Until then, get the hell out of my face.	God I admire you.
-God I admire you.	By the way: what kind of name is Poon?
-By the way: what kind of name is Poon?	Comanche Indian.
-Yes sir, you are confirmed on Flight 306 to Rio tomorrow evening at 11 PM. First Class.	You're kidding.
-You're kidding.	Would you like me to change anything?
-Would you like me to change anything?	So he's going. Uh... are there any other tickets charged to the same account?
-So he's going. Uh... are there any other tickets charged to the same account?	We'd have no way of knowing that, sir.
-We'd have no way of knowing that, sir.	Hmm. It's just that there are some other people from my office going on this trip and... is there anyone in the seat next to me?
-Never heard of him. Thanks anyway.	You mean her.
-You mean her.	What?
-What?	Sally Ann Cavanaugh. Oh wait, she couldn't work in your office, she's not from around here.
-Sally Ann Cavanaugh. Oh wait, she couldn't work in your office, she's not from around here.	Oh, thanks.
-Maybe tonight?	Whaddyamean 'maybe'?
-Whaddyamean 'maybe'?	That's what he said.
-That's what he said.	He doesn't know? How come he doesn't know?
-He doesn't know? How come he doesn't know?	I don't know how he doesn't know. He doesn't know.
-I don't know how he doesn't know. He doesn't know.	Sonofabitch.
-Sonofabitch.	Wonder who his supplier is.
-Wonder who his supplier is.	I have no idea.
-I have no idea.	I wasn't asking.
-I wasn't asking.	He never leaves the beach, Fat Sam. Never leaves. Sits in that chair, he's outta junk. Then he suddenly gets up, he's got junk. So where does it come from? Through the sand?
-He never leaves the beach, Fat Sam. Never leaves. Sits in that chair, he's outta junk. Then he suddenly gets up, he's got junk. So where does it come from? Through the sand?	I think that's highly unlikely, Creasy.
-I think that's highly unlikely, Creasy.	I ought to get some sleep.
-I ought to get some sleep.	Creasy, how old are you?
-Creasy, how old are you?	Nineteen.
-Nineteen.	You're not taking real good care of yourself.
-Hey, what are you doing?	Fletch, this is dumb.
-Fletch, this is dumb.	You don't have to run with me, Crease.
-Fletch!	What goddamn right do you have to take him?
-Hey you're really nuts.	They didn't do anything.
-They didn't do anything.	What? What are you talking about?
-What? What are you talking about?	I busted their window, they didn't do anything.
-I busted their window, they didn't do anything.	You're lucky.
-You're lucky.	Not luck. They don't want me.
-You decorate this yourself or did Mrs. Chief of Police help you?	You should have seen what she wanted to do with the place. Mauve.  So what's your name?
-You should have seen what she wanted to do with the place. Mauve.  So what's your name?	Fletch.
-Fletch.	Full name.
-Full name.	Fletch F. Fletch
-Fletch F. Fletch	I see. And what do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?
-I see. And what do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?	I'm President of the International Fletch Corporation.
-Why are you doing this Mr. Fletch?	Frankly sir, you look a little like my father. Probably explains the curious feeling of love I have for you.
-Frankly sir, you look a little like my father. Probably explains the curious feeling of love I have for you.	For a gentleman who was just found holding a bag full of heroin...
-For a gentleman who was just found holding a bag full of heroin...	It was planted on me, sir.
-It was planted on me, sir.	We're looking at five years, maybe ten. Is that what you want... Jane Doe?
-Your editor called me yesterday to respond to allegations you're about to print about police involvement in narcotics dealing. Fletch starts to get up, but Cummings plants his foot on Fletch's chest, forces him back down.	I'm about to break that beach wide open, and I don't need some pennyante Woodward and Bernstein getting in the way of my men.
-I'm about to break that beach wide open, and I don't need some pennyante Woodward and Bernstein getting in the way of my men.	'Your men' might just be involved in all this.
-'Your men' might just be involved in all this.	You idiot. Off the record, deep background: I've got that beach crawling with undercover cops.
-You go back to that goddamn beach, I swear to God I'll make you regret it.	Hey, you and Tommy Lasorda. That's great.
-You can't keep me here.	Maybe I'm not going to keep you here.  Maybe I'm gonna blow your brains out.
-Maybe I'm not going to keep you here.  Maybe I'm gonna blow your brains out.	I'm no lawyer, but I do believe that's a violation of my rights.
-After I shoot you, I stick the knife in my arm, then place it in your dead hand. Self-defense. We don't do this very much anymore... but we have. Got rid of a lot of minorities that way.	My God, you're serious.
-My God, you're serious.	Ask anybody.
-Ask anybody.	Can I ask anybody now?
-Can I call my Mom? I'd like to tell here how much I've always loved her.	What'll it be Fletch?
-I hate the beach. Wouldn't go there if you paid me. Besides, I'm way overdue on my story about off-track betting in the Himalayas. You don't think it's the mafia, do you?	Its been very nice meeting you. I enjoy your column.
-Speaking of which, you're not going to print anything before my investigation is through, are you?	Not a prayer.
-Not a prayer.	That a boy.
-Thanks for coming down to see us.	Not at all, Chief. But next time... no tongue, okay?
-Greetings, everyone.	Thank God, the police.
-This one's going to be even more fun.	Go ahead. Make my evening.
-What the hell are you doing here?	Put the gun down, Alan. I'll take care of them.
-I've got it all under control, Jerry. You can go now.	Under control? You idiot. You didn't know who he was?
-Fat Sam left the beach today. So did Gummy. It began to occur to me that some things are beginning to happen that maybe I should be aware of.	I said I'll take care of it. Now, a man of your position shouldn't be a part of what's about to go down. So go home and I'll call you tomorrow.
-I said I'll take care of it. Now, a man of your position shouldn't be a part of what's about to go down. So go home and I'll call you tomorrow.	What, 'long distance?' I couldn't help but hear you say something about Rio, Alan. You're not leaving with the eight hundred thousand dollars I staked you for the next load, are you?
-Jerry, you're simply going to have to trust me. I've got a foolproof way to get rid of this guy and now you're jeopardizing everything.	Your 'foolproof' way is going to land my ass on the front page while you're basking in Rio.
-So where do you know Alan from?	We play tennis at the club.
-We play tennis at the club.	Really. The California Racquet Club?
-Really. The California Racquet Club?	Yes.
-Yes.	That's my club too. I haven't seen you there.
-That's my club too. I haven't seen you there.	Well, I haven't played in a while because of these kidney pains.
-Well, I haven't played in a while because of these kidney pains.	Right, and how long have you had these pains, Mr. Barber?
-Right, and how long have you had these pains, Mr. Barber?	That's Babar.
-That's Babar.	Two bs?
-Two bs?	One. B-a-b-a-r.
-One. B-a-b-a-r.	That's two.
-That's two.	But not right next to each other. I thought that's what you meant.
-But not right next to each other. I thought that's what you meant.	Arnold Babar. Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?
-Arnold Babar. Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?	I don't know. I don't have any.
-I don't know. I don't have any.	No children?
-No children?	No books. No elephants either. No really good elephant books.
-No books. No elephants either. No really good elephant books.	Still, it'd an odd name. I don't remember seeing it on the club registry.
-Oh, I don't belong formally. I've gone with my aunt.	Your aunt?
-Your aunt?	Mrs. Smith.
-Mrs. Smith.	Joan or Margaret Smith.
-Joan or Margaret Smith.	Right.
-Right.	Well, which one?
-Well, which one?	Margaret.
-Margaret.	Funny old bird.
-Funny old bird.	Is she ever. I've got some stories....
-Is she ever. I've got some stories....	I'll bet. Shame about Ed.
-I'll bet. Shame about Ed.	It was. Really a shame. To go so suddenly.
-It was. Really a shame. To go so suddenly.	Oh, he was dying for years.
-Oh, he was dying for years.	Sure, but the end was so sudden.
-Sure, but the end was so sudden.	He was in intensive care for eight weeks.
-He was in intensive care for eight weeks.	Yes, but the very end, when he actually died, that was extremely sudden.  You know, Alan and I were recently speaking of dying. Told me Boyd Aviation took out a lot of insurance on him. You must have to be in some kind of perfect health to get that kind of policy.
-Yes, but the very end, when he actually died, that was extremely sudden.  You know, Alan and I were recently speaking of dying. Told me Boyd Aviation took out a lot of insurance on him. You must have to be in some kind of perfect health to get that kind of policy.	Bend over and drop your pants, Mr. Babar.
-Bend over and drop your pants, Mr. Babar.	Oh really, there's no need to -- we don't want to do that...
-Oh really, there's no need to -- we don't want to do that...	Just relax....
-Just relax....	Honest, I feel fine. You better be married.
-Did I say 'kidneys'? I meant my ear. Maybe I should see an ear dahhh --  Ever serve time?	Breathe easy...
-Breathe easy...	Anyway, I'm surprised Alan got the policy so easily. I know there's a history of cancer in the family.
-Anyway, I'm surprised Alan got the policy so easily. I know there's a history of cancer in the family.	There is?
-There is?	Whoa, look out there. You really need the whole fist?
-Whoa, look out there. You really need the whole fist?	Just relax.
-Just relax.	Gee, Alan's been looking kind of sick lately. Is he all right?
-Gee, Alan's been looking kind of sick lately. Is he all right?	I can't discuss another patient. You know that.  Well, I can't find anything wrong with you.
-I can't discuss another patient. You know that.  Well, I can't find anything wrong with you.	I'm sure it's not for a lack of looking. Maybe I should get a real complete physical. You give Alan an annual, don't you?
-I'm sure it's not for a lack of looking. Maybe I should get a real complete physical. You give Alan an annual, don't you?	Yeah, we check you into Mt. Hebron for a few days, run lots of tests, charge a bundle. You can pull your pants up now.
-Yeah, we check you into Mt. Hebron for a few days, run lots of tests, charge a bundle. You can pull your pants up now.	I hope they still fit. Do I get to keep the glove?
-I hope they still fit. Do I get to keep the glove?	Tell the nurse when you've got a few free days. She'll make all the arrangements.
-Tell the nurse when you've got a few free days. She'll make all the arrangements.	Thanks, Doc. Maybe I'll come back with a date. Or an elephant.
-So what do you figure?	No idea.
-No idea.	No idea at all?
-No idea at all?	Okay. Some idea.
-Okay. Some idea.	Like when?
-Like when?	Like tonight.
-Like tonight.	For sure?
-For sure?	No, not for sure. When it comes, it comes. You gonna want some shit?
-No, not for sure. When it comes, it comes. You gonna want some shit?	I think I’d rather have drugs.
-I think I’d rather have drugs.	Fletch...
-Fletch...	Sorry. I find a little humor really brightens things up around here, don’t you?
-Jesus.	You don't know me.
-You don't know me.	My pleasure.
-My pleasure.	I'm serious, Sam.
-I'm serious, Sam.	What, the heat here?
-What, the heat here?	Affirmative.
-Affirmative.	The two surfer boys?
-The two surfer boys?	Affirmative.
-Affirmative.	Thought so. What for?
-Thought so. What for?	For me. I'm a reporter, Sam. I'm breaking the drug story and I got the chief red-handed. Gummy gave me a deposition.
-For me. I'm a reporter, Sam. I'm breaking the drug story and I got the chief red-handed. Gummy gave me a deposition.	You gonna nail the chief?
-You gonna nail the chief?	I'm gonna nail the chief. And you can help or --
-I'm gonna nail the chief. And you can help or --	Oh, I'll help, Fletch. I'm a slave to that sonofabitch. He busted me, third offense, gave me a choice: Work for him or do fifteen long. All I get out of this is free snort.
-Oh, I'll help, Fletch. I'm a slave to that sonofabitch. He busted me, third offense, gave me a choice: Work for him or do fifteen long. All I get out of this is free snort.	You don't have a piece of the action?
-You don't have a piece of the action?	Noooo. Free snort. That's it.
-Noooo. Free snort. That's it.	Wait five minutes, and go to my office. You'll get federal protection after that.
-Wait five minutes, and go to my office. You'll get federal protection after that.	Gonna need it. That boy is dangerous. Fletch?
-Gonna need it. That boy is dangerous. Fletch?	What?
-What?	You find the source?
-You find the source?	Gum thought Brazil.
-Gum thought Brazil.	Rio. Know how he gets it in the country? Some big shot airline executive flies it in on company jets. Very impressive operation, Fletch. Very impressive.
-It's me doctor Rosenpenis. I just have to take another peek at Alan Stanwyk's file. What have they done with this place?	Nothing. They're still there.
-Nothing. They're still there.	Right. Fine.
-Are you all right, Doctor?	Where am I?
-Where am I?	You're in the Records Room.
-You're in the Records Room.	I'm fine.
-I'm fine.	Can I get you something?
-Can I get you something?	Have you got a make-shift plywood pillory? Heh Heh, just kidding.
-Have you got a make-shift plywood pillory? Heh Heh, just kidding.	Doctor Holmes went to get you some smelling salts. He was quite surprised that you fainted.
-Doctor Holmes went to get you some smelling salts. He was quite surprised that you fainted.	Well, I didn't want to say anything, but I thought the dead man was my brother.
-Well, I didn't want to say anything, but I thought the dead man was my brother.	Oh my God!
-Oh my God!	It's all right. It wasn't him but that spleen was a splitting image.
-Oh, God, I think I'm about to hyperventilate. Have you got a paper bag, or something.	Yes, right away.
-Here you are, Doctor.	Thank you.
-Is there anything particular you're looking for?	My associates did a biopsy on this man recently.  He's supposed to have a melanoma, or a carcinoma, some kind of noma. Hmmm. I can't seem to find any record of it.
-My associates did a biopsy on this man recently.  He's supposed to have a melanoma, or a carcinoma, some kind of noma. Hmmm. I can't seem to find any record of it.	Well, if he had one, it would certainly be in here.  Wait. Here it is. Yep. Surgical removal of two moles. Tissue was benign.
-Well, if he had one, it would certainly be in here.  Wait. Here it is. Yep. Surgical removal of two moles. Tissue was benign.	That's it?
-That's it?	That's it.
-That's it.	This was last month. So Alan Stanwyk does not have cancer.
-This was last month. So Alan Stanwyk does not have cancer.	I guess not.
-I guess not.	He'll be so relieved.
-Refusal to pay alimony is a jailable offense, Fletch.	What about breaking and entering?  Are you wearing anything under that?
-What about breaking and entering?  Are you wearing anything under that?	I did not break nor enter. I simply chose an advisable location to await my client's delinquent husband.
-I did not break nor enter. I simply chose an advisable location to await my client's delinquent husband.	I hate to conduct business on the lanai. Why don't we step inside.
-You owe Wendy nine hundred and eighteen dollars.	She doesn't need the money, for crissakes. She's living with Monty. I know it.
-She doesn't need the money, for crissakes. She's living with Monty. I know it.	I don't know what you're referring to. Wendy maintains her own residence.
-I don't know what you're referring to. Wendy maintains her own residence.	It stinks. I thought woman were independent now.
-It stinks. I thought woman were independent now.	Until she remarries, Fletch.
-Until she remarries, Fletch.	Hey, shut up, okay? I just hate this.
-Hey, shut up, okay? I just hate this.	I empathize with your plight, Fletch. However, you threw her out.
-I empathize with your plight, Fletch. However, you threw her out.	She was sleeping with everybody. The cable TV guy. You can't get lower than that...
-She was sleeping with everybody. The cable TV guy. You can't get lower than that...	You should have proved that in a court of law.
-You should have proved that in a court of law.	My lawyer was a bum.
-My lawyer was a bum.	I agree.
-I think he was sleeping with Wendy, too.	You may be right.
-You may be right.	Are you serious?
-Are you serious?	That's history, Fletch. You owe us nine hundred and eighteen dollars.
-That's history, Fletch. You owe us nine hundred and eighteen dollars.	Wait a minute! Our problems might be solved.
-Damn... lost again. Sorry.	This is no joke. If some kind of payment isn't made, we're going to have to contact the paper and garnish your wages.
-Cash. I'm impressed.	Found it in a cab. That's a grand. Apply the difference to next month.
-Found it in a cab. That's a grand. Apply the difference to next month.	Till then.
-Good evening.	I like your outfit. You got the fifty grand and the plane ticket?
-I like your outfit. You got the fifty grand and the plane ticket?	Of course.
-Why don't you check it out for yourself, Mr. Nugent?	Because I trust you, Alan. By the way, the name's Fletcher. I.M. Fletcher. I write a newspaper column under the name Jane Doe.
-Because I trust you, Alan. By the way, the name's Fletcher. I.M. Fletcher. I write a newspaper column under the name Jane Doe.	What?
-Read this, please.	Wait a second --
-Wait a second --	Cut the crap and read it.
-He is lifting Stanwyk's two attaché cases.	Pretty hefty. Keep reading.
-Pretty hefty. Keep reading.	'...with his legal wife, the former Sally Ann Cavanaugh.'
-He doesn't read my stuff well.  'Sally Ann and Alan were married four years ago and never divorced, making Stanwyk a bigamist even in Utah. Stanwyk is also traveling with three million dollars in cash, the result of Gail Stanwyk's conversion of Boyd Aviation stock. Mrs. Stanwyk believed the money was to be used to purchase property in Utah, but it wasn't; a fact that can be confirmed by realtor James Swarthout of Provo.'  That was stupid, Alan.	I'd have been long gone.
-I'd have been long gone.	Ahem.  'Sally Ann can confirm all this when the police pick her up at the Airport Marriott.'
-Bravo, Mr. Fletcher.	The thing that really tipped it off for me was something your wife said to me while we were in bed together.
-And what was that?	How similar in build you and I are. Then I figured it. You bump me off, throw me in the car, and burn me up.
-I was already prepared to commit one murder. What makes you think I won't commit two?	Whoops.
-I'm Harry S. Truman from Casewell Insurance Underwriters.	Harry S. Truman?
-Harry S. Truman?	My parents were great fans of the former President.
-My parents were great fans of the former President.	Isn't that nice. Good man. Showed the Japs a thing or two.
-Isn't that nice. Good man. Showed the Japs a thing or two.	Sure did. Dropped the big one on them.
-Sure did. Dropped the big one on them.	Dropped two big ones. Real fighter. You're in the insurance line, Harry?
-Dropped two big ones. Real fighter. You're in the insurance line, Harry?	Right.
-Right.	Well, I'm fully covered.
-Well, I'm fully covered.	I don't doubt it, Mr. Stanwyk. Actually, my company is the sub- insurer of the subsidiary carriers of a policy held by Alan Stanwyk, who I believe is your son.
-I don't doubt it, Mr. Stanwyk. Actually, my company is the sub- insurer of the subsidiary carriers of a policy held by Alan Stanwyk, who I believe is your son.	Yes. Where you from, Harry?
-Yes. Where you from, Harry?	California. San Berdoo. Utah's part of my route. Can I ask you a few questions?
-California. San Berdoo. Utah's part of my route. Can I ask you a few questions?	Come on in.
-Regulations, Mr. Stanwyk. And you and your wife, named....	Velma.
-Velma. You and Velma are the parents of Alan Stanwyk, Beverly Hills, California, executive vice president of Boyd Aviation?	Check.
-Check.	Okay.  Now, the last time you saw your son was when?
-Okay.  Now, the last time you saw your son was when?	Oh, about ten days ago.
-Ten days ago?	That's right. Alan comes by every three weeks or so.
-Isn't that nice. Since when?	Since he moved to L.A.
-Forgive me now for seeming personal, but we understand that there is a lady friend he sees here in Provo.	What the hell does this have to do with insurance?
-What the hell does this have to do with insurance?	Trust me, sir. It's a comprehensive policy.
-Trust me, sir. It's a comprehensive policy.	Well, you can forget about that lady friend business, Alan's the most loyal husband a girl could have. He dotes on that bride of his.
-Has he?	Boy, what the hell's the matter with you?
-Boy, what the hell's the matter with you?	Then he has.
-Then he has.	Course he has. That's his wife.
-He sighs.	And they're still married... Alan and Sally Ann.
-And they're still married... Alan and Sally Ann.	Of course they are.
-Lets see, it was before he moved to L.A... four years April.	Mrs. Stanwyk, may I borrow this picture. I promise to send it back to you. It's routine, really. The actuarial people need to --
-I'm calling the police. Then I'm leaving. You wait here for them.	Where are you going?
-Where are you going?	Away. I think it might take you a while to get your life back together. You don't need me around.  Don't go back in there.
-I really creamed the sonofabitch, didn't I?	You sure did.
-John Ultramalensky, right?	Right.
-Right.	God, I haven't seen you since the wedding.
-God, I haven't seen you since the wedding.	Gee, I must have been shit-faced at your wedding, I don't --
-Gee, I must have been shit-faced at your wedding, I don't --	Not mine, stupid. Yours.
-Not mine, stupid. Yours.	What are you doing here?
-I couldn't sit home and play the mournful widow anymore, and the police didn't need me, so I tried watching a Lakers game on TV, but the announcer talked to fast and I couldn't understand a lot of what was happening, so I figured if I came down here maybe you could explain the rules to me, and besides, I missed you.	No problem.
-Hi Sam. Hi Fletch.	Hi Gummy. How’s the eye?
-Hi Gummy. How’s the eye?	It’s okay. The cops did it.
-It’s okay. The cops did it.	I know.
-I know.	They busted me last week.
-They busted me last week.	They bust you every week.
-They bust you every week.	I know. I got bad luck or something.
-I'm the Sufi.	Fletch?
-Fletch?	Don't call me Fletch. Don't look at me. Lie back down. We'll talk.
-Don't call me Fletch. Don't look at me. Lie back down. We'll talk.	What?
-What?	Cops are here. I can smell them. They're after me. Lie down, Gum.
-Why are they after you?	Because I'm a newspaper reporter and I'm nailing Chief Cummings as the source for drugs on the beach. You're in big trouble, Gummy.
-Fat Sam is turning state's evidence.	What's that?
-What's that?	He wrote me a nice deposition. He says he just received the drugs. You did the selling.
-He wrote me a nice deposition. He says he just received the drugs. You did the selling.	I didn't sell nothing! I didn't sell nothing! I just carried the drugs from the Chief to Sam.
-I didn't sell nothing! I didn't sell nothing! I just carried the drugs from the Chief to Sam.	Sure you did.
-Sure you did.	Fletch, I never sold nothing.
-Fletch, I never sold nothing.	Twenty years.
-Where does the Chief get the drugs?	I dunno. Somewhere in South America, I forget.
-I dunno. Somewhere in South America, I forget.	Rio de Janeiro, maybe?
-Rio de Janeiro, maybe?	Maybe, Fletch. Is that Brazil?
-Maybe, Fletch. Is that Brazil?	That's Brazil.
-That's Brazil.	Yeah. Maybe.
-Yeah. Maybe.	Wait here for me, Gummy.
-We can't talk about it here.	Why not?
-Why not?	Because we can't.
-Because we can't.	Are you on a scavenger hunt of some kind?
-Are you on a scavenger hunt of some kind?	I want you to come to my house. Then we'll talk.
-I want you to come to my house. Then we'll talk.	I think you've got the wrong gal, fella.
-I think you've got the wrong gal, fella.	I'll give you a thousand dollars cash just to come to my house and listen to the proposition. If you reject the proposition, you keep the thousand, and your mouth shut.
-I'll give you a thousand dollars cash just to come to my house and listen to the proposition. If you reject the proposition, you keep the thousand, and your mouth shut.	Will this proposition entail my dressing up as Tina Turner?
-Will this proposition entail my dressing up as Tina Turner?	It is nothing of a sexual nature I assure you.  One thousand, just to listen. I don't see how you could turn that down Mr...
-It is nothing of a sexual nature I assure you.  One thousand, just to listen. I don't see how you could turn that down Mr...	Nugent. Ted Nugent.
-Nugent. Ted Nugent.	Alan Stanwyk.
-Alan Stanwyk.	Charmed.
-Then I found out Hopalong Cassidy had shot himself in the game room. That just blew it for me.	Who?
-Who?	Hopalong Cassidy. Killed himself here. Bow and arrow. Strange.
-I don't work for you yet, assface. Don't talk to me like that.	Come inside.
-Here's my proposition, Mr. Nugent.	I'm all ears.
-I'm all ears.	I want you to murder me.
-You don't look sick, Mr. Stanwyk.	I don't feel sick. Not yet. They tell me it'll start getting bad in about a month. After that... well, I'd rather not be around for it.
-I don't feel sick. Not yet. They tell me it'll start getting bad in about a month. After that... well, I'd rather not be around for it.	Why don't you try suicide?
-Why don't you try suicide?	My company has taken out a very large insurance policy on me. And I have a wife. Suicide would nullify my insurance. Murder does not.
-My company has taken out a very large insurance policy on me. And I have a wife. Suicide would nullify my insurance. Murder does not.	So why pick me?
-So why pick me?	You're a drifter, a -- pardon the expression -- beach bum. No one would notice if you disappeared. I've watched you for a couple weeks.
-You're a drifter, a -- pardon the expression -- beach bum. No one would notice if you disappeared. I've watched you for a couple weeks.	Maybe I'm just on vacation.
-Maybe I'm just on vacation.	Not with the scum you hang out with. I've watched. I've thought. Its a perfect scheme. I even have a perfect escape plan for you.
-Not with the scum you hang out with. I've watched. I've thought. Its a perfect scheme. I even have a perfect escape plan for you.	Did it ever occur to you that I might not want to kill you?
-Did it ever occur to you that I might not want to kill you?	I've got fifty thousand dollars says you will.
-I'm still here.	I want it done Thursday evening, around eight PM. My wife will be off to the club for a committee meeting. It's the staff's night off.  These will be open.
-I want it done Thursday evening, around eight PM. My wife will be off to the club for a committee meeting. It's the staff's night off.  These will be open.	Wouldn't they normally be locked?
-Wouldn't they normally be locked?	Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The staff usually forgets.
-Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The staff usually forgets.	I have the same problem with my help.
-I have the same problem with my help.	I will be here in the room, waiting for you. The safe will be open and there will be fifty thousand dollars in it. You will be wearing rubber gloves. Do you own rubber gloves?
-I will be here in the room, waiting for you. The safe will be open and there will be fifty thousand dollars in it. You will be wearing rubber gloves. Do you own rubber gloves?	I rent them. Monthly lease, with an option to buy.
-I rent them. Monthly lease, with an option to buy.	In this drawer....
-A .357.	Very good. My .357. Use it and no one can trace it to you. The room will be in some disarray.
-Very good. My .357. Use it and no one can trace it to you. The room will be in some disarray.	So it looks like a burglary attempt. You catch me. I get the gun, and shoot you.
-So it looks like a burglary attempt. You catch me. I get the gun, and shoot you.	Precisely. Are you a good shot?
-Precisely. Are you a good shot?	What's the difference? The noise'll kill you first.
-What's the difference? The noise'll kill you first.	Get me on the first shot, if you can.
-Get me on the first shot, if you can.	I don't think you'll have to worry about that.
-Do you have a passport?	Sure, all drifters do.
-Sure, all drifters do.	Fine. After you kill me, take the Jaguar. The keys will be in the glove compartment.
-Fine. After you kill me, take the Jaguar. The keys will be in the glove compartment.	Take it where?
-LAX. Go to the Pan Am desk. There will be a ticket waiting for you.	Where am I going?
-Where am I going?	Rio. Flight 306. Departs at eleven PM.
-Rio. Flight 306. Departs at eleven PM.	They serve dinner on the flight?
-They serve dinner on the flight?	It'll be a first class-ticket. I'm sure you'll enjoy the ride. I would recommend staying down there at least a year, Mr. Nugent.
-It'll be a first class-ticket. I'm sure you'll enjoy the ride. I would recommend staying down there at least a year, Mr. Nugent.	You've certainly thought this out, haven't you?
-You've certainly thought this out, haven't you?	I am not someone who leaves a great deal to chance, Mr. Nugent.
-I am not someone who leaves a great deal to chance, Mr. Nugent.	You sure those doors will be open?
-You sure those doors will be open?	Yes. All you provide are the gloves, the passport, and the aim. I'll take care of everything else.
-Yes. All you provide are the gloves, the passport, and the aim. I'll take care of everything else.	The gun, the money, the tickets, and the dying.
-The gun, the money, the tickets, and the dying.	That's right.
-That's right.	You sure got the hard part.
-You sure got the hard part.	What do you say, Mr. Nugent? You'll be doing me and my family a great service.
-Will you kill me?	Sure.
-Yo!	Can I steal you for a minute?
-Can I steal you for a minute?	Only if you promise not to return me.
-Only if you promise not to return me.	Deal.
-Deal.	'Magic' today, huh?
-'Magic' today, huh?	Kareem's in the wash. I need a favor.
-Kareem's in the wash. I need a favor.	Shoot.
-Shoot.	Don't say shoot, okay.
-Did you hear something?	Not me.
-Not me.	Me neither. See what we've got on a guy named Alan Stanwyk, okay? I need it right away.
-W-Y-K no 'c.' I'll be down in a minute.	No problem, boss.
-'Mr. Stanwyk, of Provo, Utah, is a former commercial pilot.'	Married Boyd Aviation. He's no dummy, that's serious coin.
-Married Boyd Aviation. He's no dummy, that's serious coin.	'Stanwyk's parents, Marvin and Velma Stanwyk, also of Provo, were unable to attend the wedding.'
-'Stanwyk's parents, Marvin and Velma Stanwyk, also of Provo, were unable to attend the wedding.'	Not our kind of people, you understand.
-Not our kind of people, you understand.	Spot right here.
-Thanks.	You doing a story on this guy?
-You doing a story on this guy?	Maybe.
-'...Stanwyk, blahblahblah, with internist Doctor Joseph Dolen.'	I wonder if that's his doctor.
-I wonder if that's his doctor.	Only one way to find out.
-Nothing on Gail Stanwyk, nothing on Jim Swarthout. But I did ---	That's okay, Lar. I gotta put this on the back burner for a while.
-Did you say cops?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	That's one thing I did find. It's from last month, so it was in the unsorted pile.
-My hero.	Nothing to it.
-I overheard it. He thinks you're completely out of control, he said he was gonna can you as soon as he got the story. If I were you, I'd just chuck it, Fletch. Screw him. Let him eat three full pages on Sunday.	You kidding? I got an unbelievable story here, Lar. Un-believable. Jesus. It's the cops, I know it. The Chief! And they're all over Frank.
-You kidding? I got an unbelievable story here, Lar. Un-believable. Jesus. It's the cops, I know it. The Chief! And they're all over Frank.	I just thought... sure.  Sally Ann Cavanaugh.
-I just thought... sure.  Sally Ann Cavanaugh.	Check every hotel in L.A. Start with the ones near the airport. Yeah. He's about to leave the country with her. Thanks, Lar.
-Cute young thing, too.	I'm sorry?
-I'm sorry?	His bride. Cute as a button.
-His bride. Cute as a button.	You've met her?
-Of course, his wife's name is Sally Ann Cavanaugh?	Cute thing.
-Cute thing.	Do you happen to have a picture of Alan and his wife?
-Do you happen to have a picture of Alan and his wife?	Oh, we've got lots of pictures. Let me show you some.
-She's cute as a button.	How long have they been married?
-Oh, that's all right, I've got lots more. Want to see the reception?	No, thank you.
-No, thank you.	How about Marvin's sixty-fifth birthday party?
-I haven't seen you since the wedding, Jeez, you look great.	I do? Oh, isn't that sweet, thank you. I have to confess something to you. I must have been pretty plowed at your wedding. I really don't have the faintest idea who you are.
-I do? Oh, isn't that sweet, thank you. I have to confess something to you. I must have been pretty plowed at your wedding. I really don't have the faintest idea who you are.	Huh? No, not my wedding. Yours.
-Huh? No, not my wedding. Yours.	Oh, mine! Thank God.  Actually, that doesn't make it any better, does it? Are you a friend of Alan's?
-Oh, mine! Thank God.  Actually, that doesn't make it any better, does it? Are you a friend of Alan's?	We used to fly together. I'm... John.
-We used to fly together. I'm... John.	John! You used to fly together!
-John who?	John Ultrarelamensky.
-John Ultrarelamensky.	Oh, I'm sorry. It's a beautiful name, really.
-Oh, I'm sorry. It's a beautiful name, really.	It's Scotch-Rumanian.
-It's Scotch-Rumanian.	That's a strange combination.
-That's a strange combination.	So were my parents.
-So were my parents.	Mind if I keep practicing? I need to work on my ground stroke a little.
-Mind if I keep practicing? I need to work on my ground stroke a little.	Please.
-Damn, I thought I had that one.	You should play with much larger tennis balls. So how's Alan?
-You should play with much larger tennis balls. So how's Alan?	What are you asking me for? He's so busy lately I hardly see him. And he's been so preoccupied.
-What are you asking me for? He's so busy lately I hardly see him. And he's been so preoccupied.	Preoccupied with what?
-Preoccupied with what?	Oh, personal stuff. Look! I hit one!
-Why do you keep doing this?	I love the outfits.
-Stay!  I must be having an off day. I'm really a fabulous player.	I have this effect on lots of women.
-I have this effect on lots of women.	I bet you do.
-I bet you do.	Say, the reason I asked about Alan is that I bumped into him this morning and you know what I can't figure out?
-Say, the reason I asked about Alan is that I bumped into him this morning and you know what I can't figure out?	Alan's in Utah.
-Alan's in Utah.	I can't figure out why I went to Utah for the morning.
-I can't figure out why I went to Utah for the morning.	Okay. I'm delighted to have someone to talk to, and you're very cute, so I'm very flattered, but I'm also very married so you may as well forget -- You are trying to hit on me, aren't you?
-Okay. I'm delighted to have someone to talk to, and you're very cute, so I'm very flattered, but I'm also very married so you may as well forget -- You are trying to hit on me, aren't you?	I'm such a heel. How'd you guess?
-I'm such a heel. How'd you guess?	If I had a nickel for every one of Alan's flyboy buddies who tried to pick me up, I'd be a rich woman.
-If I had a nickel for every one of Alan's flyboy buddies who tried to pick me up, I'd be a rich woman.	You are a rich woman.
-You are a rich woman.	See what I mean?
-What's he doing in Utah?	None of your business, now go away. You're throwing my game off.
-Who is it?	It's John. John...  Znhcneelsky.
-It's John. John...  Znhcneelsky.	John Ultramalensky?
-Hi.	Hi.
-Hi.	I was hoping you'd say that.
-Uh... I'm just out of the shower.	Can I borrow your towel for a minute?
-I'm sorry, I'm just surprised to see you. I didn't think... What do you want?	I ordered lunch.
-I ordered lunch.	You ordered it here?
-You ordered it here?	Well, I knew this is where my mouth would be.
-Well, I knew this is where my mouth would be.	Down boy.
-I really should change.	No, I think you should stay the same wonderful person you are today.
-No, I think you should stay the same wonderful person you are today.	I mean put clothes on.
-I mean put clothes on.	Here, take mine.
-Have you gotten cuter since I last saw you?	Yes.
-Lunch...	God...
-All this goes on Underhill's bill?	I saved his life during the war.
-I saved his life during the war.	You were in the war?
-You were in the war?	No. He was. I got him out.
-'I've been so many places in my life and times. I've sung a lot of songs, I've made some bad rhymes...'	It's amazing.
-It's amazing.	'I've acted out my life on stages, with ten thousand people watching...'
-'I've acted out my life on stages, with ten thousand people watching...'	Your bone structure, shoulders, neck...
-Your bone structure, shoulders, neck...	'But we're alone now, and I'm singing this song for you.'
-'But we're alone now, and I'm singing this song for you.'	Just like Alan. It's freaky.
-Just like Alan. It's freaky.	Can I ask you a question?
-Can I ask you a question?	Depends on the question.
-Depends on the question.	Are you still in love with Alan?
-Are you still in love with Alan?	No.  I mean, 'no you can't ask me that.' I mean, ask me something else.
-No.  I mean, 'no you can't ask me that.' I mean, ask me something else.	Why'd you let me in?
-Why'd you let me in?	Because I'm bored. Oh, that sounds terrible, doesn't it. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I also let you in because I'm hungry.
-Because I'm bored. Oh, that sounds terrible, doesn't it. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I also let you in because I'm hungry.	Thanks, I feel much better. Listen, if you're so bored, why didn't you go to Utah with Alan?
-Thanks, I feel much better. Listen, if you're so bored, why didn't you go to Utah with Alan?	Utah is not exactly a cure for boredom.
-Utah is not exactly a cure for boredom.	Good point.
-Good point.	Oh, listen to me. I've never even been there and look what I say about it. Anyway, I know there'd be nothing for me to do. I don't even know anybody there.
-Oh, listen to me. I've never even been there and look what I say about it. Anyway, I know there'd be nothing for me to do. I don't even know anybody there.	What about his parents?
-What about his parents?	He never sees them and I never met them.
-He never sees them and I never met them.	How come?
-Thanks for the great time.	What is this?
-What is this?	Long story.
-I'll be leaving now, Mrs. Stanwyk.	I think you should call me Gail, now.
-I think you should call me Gail, now.	Gail. I hope this won't embarrass you in any way. I think Underhill's a yutz, you won't have any trouble with him.
-Gail. I hope this won't embarrass you in any way. I think Underhill's a yutz, you won't have any trouble with him.	Why did you do it?
-A four hundred dollar lunch tab!	Yeah.
-Yeah.	I'll cover it. You have any other surprises?
-I'll cover it. You have any other surprises?	Yeah. My name's not John Ultramalensky and I wasn't at your wedding.
-Who.	Irwin Fletcher. I write a newspaper column under the name Jane Doe.
-So?	So, your husband hired me to kill him. That's the truth.
-So, your husband hired me to kill him. That's the truth.	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	That's what I want to know.
-He told me he was dying of cancer. Not True. That ranch you thought you were paying for in Utah? Not true.	How do you know about that?
-How do you know about that?	He's a bad guy, Mrs. Stanwyk. Gail. I think he's involved in something very big and very bad.
-He's a bad guy, Mrs. Stanwyk. Gail. I think he's involved in something very big and very bad.	What does all this mean?
-What does all this mean?	Have you ever heard the name Jim Swarthout?
-Have you ever heard the name Jim Swarthout?	Swarthout. Yes. He's the man who sold us the ranch in --
-Swarthout. Yes. He's the man who sold us the ranch in --	Wrong. He sold you $3,000 worth of scrub brush.
-Wrong. He sold you $3,000 worth of scrub brush.	But I've seen the deed.
-But I've seen the deed.	You saw a forgery.
-Here's this dog that tried to eat me. Here's my motel. Here's the car I rented...	Stop it.  Are you saying my husband is defrauding me?
-Stop it.  Are you saying my husband is defrauding me?	I don't know. All I know is that he told me a lot of things and so far not one of them has been true.
-No. You can't. Look, I know you don't know me from Adam, but you've got to trust me.	Trust you? I may seem a little goofy at times, but I'm not a complete Bozo, you know.
-Trust you? I may seem a little goofy at times, but I'm not a complete Bozo, you know.	Just give me twenty-four hours. Please. Someone almost killed me today. People are not being nice lately, and I don't want you getting hurt. I think you're terrific. Are you a Laker fan?
-No... I've got to go to Mr. Underhill...	I'll take you to a game.
-I'll take you to a game.	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	I'm talking about how much I'd like to take you to a Laker game.
-I'm talking about how much I'd like to take you to a Laker game.	Wait a second. What am I supposed to do for twenty-four hours?
-Wait a second. What am I supposed to do for twenty-four hours?	Act natural.
-Act natural.	I was afraid you'd say that.
-I was afraid you'd say that.	If you need me, call the paper. Hand me that extra bottle okay?
-What's wrong, Gail?	I decided I was going to tell my husband about you today.
-I decided I was going to tell my husband about you today.	No.
-No.	But first I called the Hall of Records in Provo. They checked on the deed. You're telling the truth. A minute later Alan came in the room and asked me why I was shaking.
-I've never lied to him before.  It's the first time he's ever lied to me. He was just as convincing as when he says 'I love you.'	I think you better sit down.
-I think you better sit down.	Oh God, I hate things that start like that....
-Oh God, I hate things that start like that....	Gail, please.
-What is this....	I checked. There was no divorce.
-I checked. There was no divorce.	Are you telling me my husband is a bigamist???
-Are you telling me my husband is a bigamist???	I'm telling you he's not your husband at all.
-And they're leaving the country tomorrow night.	Bastard.
-Bastard.	I don't have all the pieces yet, but I'm close. I'll know tomorrow.
-I don't have all the pieces yet, but I'm close. I'll know tomorrow.	I'm calling the police. Right now.
-I'm calling the police. Right now.	You can't do that.
-You can't do that.	Don't tell me I can't --
-Don't tell me I can't --	They're trying to kill me!
-I'm terrified.	Come here.
-Don't worry, I can take it.	You shouldn't be here.
-You shouldn't be here.	I want to hear this.
-I thought you had this all figured out. Good going 'Irwin.'	Don't ever call me 'Irwin,' okay?
-Excuse me sir. Are you a guest of the club?	Yes, I'm with the Underhills.
-Yes, I'm with the Underhills.	They just left, sir.
-They just left, sir.	They'll be back. He had to go in for a urinalysis.
-They'll be back. He had to go in for a urinalysis.	Would you care for a drink while you're waiting? I can put it on the Underhill bill.
-Would you care for a drink while you're waiting? I can put it on the Underhill bill.	Great. I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich.
-Great. I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich.	Very good sir.
-Hi, where's Mrs. Stanwyk?	In her cabana, sir.
-In her cabana, sir.	Oh, that's right. She told me to meet her there. That's cabana six?
-Oh, that's right. She told me to meet her there. That's cabana six?	Cabana one.
-Cabana one.	One.
-One.	Would you be caring for something to eat or drink, sir?
-Would you be caring for something to eat or drink, sir?	I would, actually.
-I would, actually.	Charged to the Underhills, sir?
-Charged to the Underhills, sir?	Right. Tell you what -- have you caviar?
-Right. Tell you what -- have you caviar?	Yes, sir. Beluga. But it is eighty dollars the portion.
-Yes, sir. Beluga. But it is eighty dollars the portion.	I'd better only get two. How about the lobster thermidor?
-I'd better only get two. How about the lobster thermidor?	I recommend it.
-I recommend it.	Fine. And a couple of bottles of Dom Perignon. To cabana one.
-Fine. And a couple of bottles of Dom Perignon. To cabana one.	Very good, sir.
-You want I set up?	No thanks, I'll do it. Give yourself twenty dollars. Underhill.
-No thanks, I'll do it. Give yourself twenty dollars. Underhill.	Muchas gracias.
-Muchas gracias.	Sierra del fuego.
-Your call is come through.	Far out.  Larry? It's Fletch.  Well, it's not 'Fat Sam's', but... any port in a storm.  Oh, tell Frank I need a couple of months. The fifty grand's lasting longer than I thought.
-Excuse me. I have something I'd like to discuss with you.	What?
-The door was unlocked.	Lock's busted.
-Lock's busted.	No wonder.
-No wonder.	I work for the landlord. He told me to watch out for the place.
-I work for the landlord. He told me to watch out for the place.	I commend him on his choice.
-I commend him on his choice.	What?
-What?	I commend him on his choice
-I was supposed to meet Mrs. Cavanaugh.	Who are you?
-Who are you?	Don Corleone. I'm a cousin of Mrs. Cavanaugh's.
-Where is she?	Moved out.
-Moved out.	She moved out?
-I spoke to her last week. She didn't say anything.	She moved out.
-She moved out.	So you're saying she moved out.
-So you're saying she moved out.	This morning.
-This morning.	This morning? Christ. We had so much to talk about. Moe Green is out of the Tropicana, and my sons, Michael and Fredo, are taking over.
-What did you want under the bed?	Mattress police. There are no tags on the mattress. I'm going to have to take you downtown. Please give me your weapon.
-Mattress police. There are no tags on the mattress. I'm going to have to take you downtown. Please give me your weapon.	I'm calling the cops. This is for the cops.
-I'm calling the cops. This is for the cops.	I'm her cousin.
-I'm her cousin.	Tell the cops.
-Tell the cops.	Go ahead. Call them. Better tie your shoelaces first.
-Fletch.	Frank, you look a little peaked. Wanna vomit?
-Frank, you look a little peaked. Wanna vomit?	No, I want an answer, Is the story done?
-No, I want an answer, Is the story done?	Uh, almost.
-Uh, almost.	'Uh, almost' is not an answer. 'Yes Frank, it's all done': that's an answer.
-'Uh, almost' is not an answer. 'Yes Frank, it's all done': that's an answer.	And a damn fine one, I might add.
-Two...	Irwin...
-Irwin...	Oh, I hate it when he calls me that.
-Oh, I hate it when he calls me that.	Irwin, professional journalism time, now. Go back to the goddamn beach and finish the goddamn story!
-Irwin, professional journalism time, now. Go back to the goddamn beach and finish the goddamn story!	I will, Frank, I will. Something came up, okay?
-I will, Frank, I will. Something came up, okay?	No it's not okay. You have to have this in by tomorrow. Did you see the ad we ran Sunday?
-No it's not okay. You have to have this in by tomorrow. Did you see the ad we ran Sunday?	I never read the paper.
-I never read the paper.	...never reads the paper...
-What's the spread on the game tonight?	I don't know.  Look!
-I don't know.  Look!	Looks great.
-Now, Irwin, try to follow me. You can't run the ad and then not run the story.	Why not? Oh shit... really?
-Just kidding, Frank. You'll have the story and you'll be damn proud of it.	You broke it? You know the source?
-You broke it? You know the source?	Practically.
-What's 'practically'? Is it Fat Sam? You said you had pictures of him....	I have pictures of him. Dealing...
-I have pictures of him. Dealing...	So let's go! We run the pictures.
-So let's go! We run the pictures.	He's not the story! There's a source behind him.
-He's not the story! There's a source behind him.	Who?
-Who?	Well, there we're in a gray area.
-Well, there we're in a gray area.	How gray?
-How gray?	I'd say charcoal.
-I'd say charcoal.	I'm going to bite out your eyeballs, you know that?
-I'm going to bite out your eyeballs, you know that?	Frank, you animal, I love it. I'll have the story by Thursday night, I swear to God.  I hope.
-Gummy and two cops...	Cool your tool, Frank, I need a little more time. I think I'm really on to something here.
-Cool your tool, Frank, I need a little more time. I think I'm really on to something here.	You're onto something. That's good. What?
-You're onto something. That's good. What?	I really don't want to spoil your surprise, Frank. Why don't you read it tomorrow?
-Just give me a hint, all right?	All right. Maybe there are some crooked cops involved in all this.
-More cops.  I think I gotta go to Utah, Frank.	Utah?
-Utah?	Yeah. It's wedged in between Wyoming and Nevada. I'm sure you've seen pictures.
-Yeah. It's wedged in between Wyoming and Nevada. I'm sure you've seen pictures.	What about finding the source?
-What about finding the source?	I have some ideas.
-I have some ideas.	Who? Donnie and Marie?
-Who? Donnie and Marie?	Very possibly. Come on, say yes. I'll buy you a shirt.
-Very possibly. Come on, say yes. I'll buy you a shirt.	Go to transportation, get a ticket.
-How could you call him?	It's called journalism, Fletch. It's called getting both sides of the story. Something you apparently don't know anything about.
-It's called journalism, Fletch. It's called getting both sides of the story. Something you apparently don't know anything about.	It's also called getting me this close to being murdered.
-It's also called getting me this close to being murdered.	Get out of here.
-Get out of here.	He threw me in a cell, took a gun and a knife and threatened to kill me right there if I didn't promise to give up the story.
-He threw me in a cell, took a gun and a knife and threatened to kill me right there if I didn't promise to give up the story.	You know, I've had it up to here with your bullshit. I need a story from you by tomorrow.
-You know, I've had it up to here with your bullshit. I need a story from you by tomorrow.	You'll have it.
-You'll have it.	But not unsubstantiated charges about dope-dealing cops, and not horse shit paranoid fantasies about homicidal police chiefs.
-But not unsubstantiated charges about dope-dealing cops, and not horse shit paranoid fantasies about homicidal police chiefs.	Thanks for the vote of confidence, Frank.
-Thanks for the vote of confidence, Frank.	I want something I can print!
-I want something I can print!	Print this Frank.
-I'm quitting, Frank. As of midnight tonight.	What?  Who the hell are they?
-What?  Who the hell are they?	This is Fat Sam, and this is Gummy.
-This is Fat Sam, and this is Gummy.	What...
-What...	Their statements, naming Chief Cummings as the numero uno drug pusher from here to Oxnard. I want them to have federal protection under the paper's sponsorship.
-I'm out, Frank. You lost faith in me.	Fletch, I got nervous. Please....
-Fletch, I got nervous. Please....	Forget it.
-Fletch, you want an apology?	You were going to can me, right?
-You were going to can me, right?	Not really.
-Not really.	Not really?
-Not really?	I was upset.
-I was upset.	I'm sick of this place. I'm going to try out for the Lakers. They need a power forward.
-I'm sick of this place. I'm going to try out for the Lakers. They need a power forward.	Fletch.
-Oh, Margie, sorry, Frieda lost the number of Alan's realtor in Provo. Can you give it to me real quick?	Jim Swarthout?
-Jim Swarthout?	Yeah.
-And, I'm sorry, who are you again?	Frieda's boss.
-Frieda's boss.	Who's Frieda?
-Who's Frieda?	My secretary.
-Yes?	Mrs. Stanwyk, I hate to disturb you. Tom Underhill here... I'm a new member.
-Apparently, someone of your acquaintance has charged the most extraordinary lunch to my bill.	John!
-You don't know the Underhills?	I'd appreciate an opportunity to discuss this with you.
-I'd appreciate an opportunity to discuss this with you.	I just stepped out of the shower! Can you give me a minute?
-I just stepped out of the shower! Can you give me a minute?	Of course.
-Mrs. Stanwyk!	In a minute!
-But I ain't got you...	But I ain't got you...
-But I ain't got you...	No, I ain't got you...
-No, I ain't got you...	No, I ain't got you...
-No, I ain't got you...	I said, I ain't got you...
-I said, I ain't got you...	I said, I ain't got you...
-I said, I ain't got you...	I ain't -- got -- you.
-Ford Fairlane, I'm Colleen Sutton and I need your help.  I have a problem and it pertains to the music industry.  What is it they call you?  Mr. Rock and...	Don't say it.  Orange juice?
-Don't say it.  Orange juice?	Please.
-Sorry about the glass.  And the house.  And the breath.	Mr. Fairlane, I'm very rich.  The kind of rich that warps minds. Nothing offends me.  When I was eleven, I walked in on my father and the Shetland pony he had given me for my tenth birthday. Does that excite you?
-Mr. Fairlane, I'm very rich.  The kind of rich that warps minds. Nothing offends me.  When I was eleven, I walked in on my father and the Shetland pony he had given me for my tenth birthday. Does that excite you?	I don't know, I never met your father.
-Oh, that!  Don't take it personally. He always wakes up before I do. Down boy!  Roseanne Barr naked!	Who's your decorator?
-Who's your decorator?	Some fag.  Charged me up the ass.
-Some fag.  Charged me up the ass.	Fag?  Ass?  I'm sorry, is that a joke?
-Fag?  Ass?  I'm sorry, is that a joke?	Poor taste.  I know.  Listen, I respect homosexuals.  When I was young, my maid was a homosexual.  My maid was a homosexual.
-Poor taste.  I know.  Listen, I respect homosexuals.  When I was young, my maid was a homosexual.  My maid was a homosexual.	I don't have a sense of humor, either.  Sorry.
-Now that we've broken the ice...	I need you to find my little sister. She goes by the name Zuzu...
-I need you to find my little sister. She goes by the name Zuzu...	Zuzu Petals.  You want me to rescue her from the gorgeous hell that is L.A.
-Zuzu Petals.  You want me to rescue her from the gorgeous hell that is L.A.	But how did you know?  Here, take this picture...
-No thanks.  I carry my own.	Excuse me?
-Excuse me?	Let's see, you're her worried sister.  Yesterday I met her worried father who incidentally was about five years younger than you. In fact, I capped off the evening by watching him get electrocuted. They talk about cases like this in the private eye handbook... something about a ten-foot pole.
-Five thousand should be enough to assuage any qualms you have about my family tree.	Yeah, but of course for now, I only get a twenty.
-Yeah, but of course for now, I only get a twenty.	Actually, you may take it all now.
-Actually, you may take it all now.	Oh... I have some questions.
-Oh... I have some questions.	I have no answers.  Thanks for the stain.  Find the girl.  In the envelope are tickets to the Dorothy Chandler.  We'll chat again, then.
-Ah, the Dorothy Chandler.  I was just there with my good friend Art Mooney the other night...	Who?
-Who?	Nuthin'.
-My God, Mr. Fairlane, you look like the Fall of Saigon.	Colleen and Johnny, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g...
-Colleen and Johnny, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g...	Uh, let's go sit down.
-So you know about Johnny Crunch and myself.	I'm sorry, that's gotta be a pair of tube socks he has down there.
-Ouch... Of course I want off the case.  Some monster from Woodstock tried and succeeded in killing me tonight.  The fact I'm alive's a technicality.	So you...
-So you...	Listen, Queen Collie, I have a code. I never, ever, drop a case.  Besides, I, uh, used all your money to pay my bills, so I kinda owe you.
-Listen, Queen Collie, I have a code. I never, ever, drop a case.  Besides, I, uh, used all your money to pay my bills, so I kinda owe you.	Nonsense.  After what you've been through, it sounds like I owe you.
-Nonsense.  After what you've been through, it sounds like I owe you.	They did one of these about my ex- wife.  It's called 'The Nutcracker.'  'The Nut-crack-er'... I don't need money.  I need some questions answered.
-They did one of these about my ex- wife.  It's called 'The Nutcracker.'  'The Nut-crack-er'... I don't need money.  I need some questions answered.	I'll do my best.
-I'll do my best.	Question one:  Can I have some money?  Kidding.  Why didn't you tell me about you and Johnny?  You two were into something even more dangerous than sex, weren't you? Who?  What?  Where?  How?  Now.
-Jonathan was such a beautiful man. No one knew him like I did... Excuse me.  I can't do this now. I'll call you tomorrow.	Thanks for the information. Appreciate it.
-I ask you to find a girl and instead you steal a C.D. from me. Ford.  You suck.	I'll buy you a new one.  I found her.
-I'll buy you a new one.  I found her.	Zuzu Petals!  Did she have it?
-Zuzu Petals!  Did she have it?	Have what?
-Have what?	Did she tell you anything?
-Did she tell you anything?	Lots of things.  Her favorite yogurt.  The ten drummers she would take to a desert island...
-Lots of things.  Her favorite yogurt.  The ten drummers she would take to a desert island...	Drink your cappucino, you're giving me a headache...
-Damnit... you were right last night. Jonathan and I were into more than sex.  Along with Bobby Vomit, right after old Jack Grendel died, we took part in a scheme to rip off Grendel records... I didn't want you involved...	But I am...
-What cheap shit... hey, waiter!	We invested in these factories. In Vancouver.
-We invested in these factories. In Vancouver.	Hold that thought.  Are we being shot at?
-That was close...	What did these Vancouver factories do?
-Art Mo-o-o-ney!	Thanks, I needed that.
-So many assholes, so few bullets.	Damn, Ford, you're the most cynical man in the industry and that's not easy.
-Damn, Ford, you're the most cynical man in the industry and that's not easy.	I'm not cynical.  Can I help it that life is a disease and everyone's a victim. So you're producing exclusively for Grendel Records now.  Hope you're taking Julian for a bundle.
-I'm not cynical.  Can I help it that life is a disease and everyone's a victim. So you're producing exclusively for Grendel Records now.  Hope you're taking Julian for a bundle.	Man, ever since old Jack Grendel died, Julian has got me into one yummy gig after the other.  Not only am I producing, he's got me in some lovely-bullshit-money-money executive position.  What are you looking at...
-You gotta shave before you leave the house in a dress like that and I don't mean your legs.  Why didn't you jump on her?  What's happening to you?	I guess I'm not interested in any club who'll have my member as a member.  Later, Don...
-I haven't seen her around, and as for who would want to kill Johnny Crunch, line forms to the left. You'd find less people on our planet who wanted him alive.	Great pipes.
-I've heard cars fuck with more harmony.	Tell me about it. Name's Kyle Troy.  Can't we bring up the bass.
-Julian's happy as long as he doesn't see glass shatter.	I never thought I'd be jealous of your handicap... Sorry to hear about Bobby Vomit.
-Have a copy of that sent to me, will ya?	Right away!
-Hey, Don, how's the high blood pressure.	Could somebody tell me what's going on?  Like slo-owly...
-Thanks for the promotion, man.	No prob...
-Your tip paid off.  Jazz, this is Sam the Sleazebag.  Sam the Sleazebag, this is Jazz, my secretary.	Assistant.  And don't call me Jazz.
-Assistant.  And don't call me Jazz.	All your friends call you Jazz.
-All your friends call you Jazz.	Exactly.
-You wish.	Cash or check, Jazz?  Don't do this to me.
-I do it for love.	'Bye Ford...'  Hey, let me cheer you up.  I found the IN X S payment.
-G'day, they say it's worth three grand...	Fucking Australians!  I hate that country, continent, what is it? Don't we do nuclear testing there?
-Fucking Australians!  I hate that country, continent, what is it? Don't we do nuclear testing there?	Let's just declare war on the hellhole.  Before they make Crocodile Dundee three.
-Let's just declare war on the hellhole.  Before they make Crocodile Dundee three.	Rock stars!  I'm going out of my mind.  All I get are perks.  I don't make money, I make gifts. How am I supposed to pay taxes with bathtub compact disc players and autographed drumsticks.  I want cash.  Moulah.  Wampum.  Dead Presidents.  Andrew Jackson. Gerald Ford.
-Rock stars!  I'm going out of my mind.  All I get are perks.  I don't make money, I make gifts. How am I supposed to pay taxes with bathtub compact disc players and autographed drumsticks.  I want cash.  Moulah.  Wampum.  Dead Presidents.  Andrew Jackson. Gerald Ford.	You're saying you need money.
-You're saying you need money.	Car insurance costs money. Cavities cost money.  Doritos cost money.  I'm gonna eat that damn bear... come here!
-Car insurance costs money. Cavities cost money.  Doritos cost money.  I'm gonna eat that damn bear... come here!	Quit crying.  I think we've got a case if we can make it through the cavalcade of bimbos, here...
-You're friends with the most obnoxious asshole on the airwaves. The King of the Shock Jocks.  I'm, I'm shocked.	I love you, too, baby.  He wants to meet at six.  What time is it now?
-That's for me... Radio contests, really Ford, how tacky...	Ah -- ha... You know, you should think about dating Earthmen again.
-So what about this watch?	Keep it.  It's your paycheck this month.
-Quiet.  Tell me you tapped in the police computer and found out lots of good stuff about Art Mooney...	I found a lot of Art Mooneys. None with a police record, though. Not even Synchronicity.  Have you checked out Johnny Pinzolo/Crunch's houseboat yet?
-Tonight after I see Don. Some Beverly Hillbilly just hired me to find you-know-fucking-who. Name's Colleen Sutton.	Spooky.  I'll process her.
-Spooky.  I'll process her.	Cool.  Jazz, meet me at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion tonight. I'll have a ticket for you at the door.  Some concert.  Could be interesting.  Dress nice.
-Sorry, Jazz.  After this, I'll throw a burger down your throat, okay?	You're a fucking gentleman.  What do you want from me?
-You're a fucking gentleman.  What do you want from me?	This Colleen Sutton woman I'm with. If she flees me to go powder her whatever, I need you to keep tabs...
-You going to be okay?	Go on, 'they're stahting.'
-And it's good to see you, Julian. This is my assistant, Jazz.	Mmmmmmm.  Mmmm, mmm.
-Why did you interrupt?  Maxwell seemed like he wanted to hire me.	Shut up, goodies from the ice queen.
-How'd you get this from her?	You don't want to know, believe me. But don't worry, I washed my hands...
-You don't want to know, believe me. But don't worry, I washed my hands...	A fucking C.D.  Wow, this case is closed.  So, she's got bad taste in music and in men... Did I tell you she and Johnny were lovers and that they were into something and he got killed for it?
-A fucking C.D.  Wow, this case is closed.  So, she's got bad taste in music and in men... Did I tell you she and Johnny were lovers and that they were into something and he got killed for it?	No, as a matter of fact you didn't. What about the girl, Zuzu Petals, how does she fit in?  I mean, she is what this case is about.
-No, as a matter of fact you didn't. What about the girl, Zuzu Petals, how does she fit in?  I mean, she is what this case is about.	I wish I knew.  You did good work...
-I wish I knew.  You did good work...	Make eye contact when you say that.
-Make eye contact when you say that.	I'm sorry, that dress.  What do you say we...
-I'm sorry, that dress.  What do you say we...	Celebrate?  Like we celebrated after solving the White Bluesman murders?  Forget it, man.
-What did you... Hey, where's your spex?	Contacts.
-Contacts.	I like.
-I don't know, what was the case?	Ms. Sutton hired you to find the girl.  Period.
-Ms. Sutton hired you to find the girl.  Period.	Then I guess her case is closed. Mine isn't.  I want to know why everybody wants Zuzu.  Why people are killing and dying for her.
-She's just a bundle of energy, a real treasure...	Yeah, let's bury her.
-Yeah, let's bury her.	Hello...  It's Colleen.  With answers.  She wants to meet.  Down.  Way down-town.  Late.
-You okay?	Lieutenant Anus has discovered the cold-blooded killer behind everything.
-Lieutenant Anus has discovered the cold-blooded killer behind everything.	Who?
-Ah, an obvious choice.	Let's get her out of here, before she starts a shoot-out.  Drop us at my place.
-Hello, Ford...	What are you doing at the office? You wouldn't believe what I've gone through tonight... I'm calling from the Mega Beta Pogo Sorority.
-I came to warn you...	Oh, Jazz, those bastards... call an ambulance!  Get that music off!
-I believe the last time we came across one of these, was at the ballet.  What were your words...  'A fucking C.D.  This case is closed.'	I've always said the one reason I'm the best detective in the industry is that I'm the only one... but hey, I never throw away a clue...
-Aha, just what I suspected!	You're not funny.
-Hmmm, the first disc was putting out an incomprehensible stream of high bits.  This one is putting out low bits.  The data is in some fucked binary system.  The two discs need to interface simultaneously with a third decryptor disc.  Comprendo?	Su-ure.  Two people hired me to find Zuzu in order to get hold of one of those discs and Colleen threw a tizz when we took hers.  Obviously, all this binary disc shit is pretty mighty.  But it's not necessary.  People are dead.  One was a friend.  The same people were involved in a scam to rip off Grendel Records. Bottom line's Julian Grendel is doing a little revenge number...
-Your timing swallows the massive one. Grendel just tried to kill us, he's about to frame and kiss Don, and we can't do shit.  Don't even ask about those discs. Goddamn that Art Mooney with a star by his name!  It's tied to Johnny's C.D., I know.	Johnny's C.D.?
-What an interface!	Seems to be information about a factory in Vancouver.
-Seems to be information about a factory in Vancouver.	Yeah, Colleen mentioned it.  What do they make?
-Yeah, Colleen mentioned it.  What do they make?	C.D.s.  The music kind.  From the Grendel label.
-C.D.s.  The music kind.  From the Grendel label.	Without Grendel knowing about it. B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-O. Counterfeit C.D.s.  Tape piracy has graduated to disc piracy, the sound quality's better, and so's the money.
-Without Grendel knowing about it. B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-O. Counterfeit C.D.s.  Tape piracy has graduated to disc piracy, the sound quality's better, and so's the money.	But the funny thing is, take a look at these Swiss bank account numbers. We got Bobby, Johnny, Colleen... and Julian Grendel.
-After their initial investment in the factory, Grendel didn't need them.  Told them to fuck off. They tried to get these C.D.s together in order to have proof of Grendel's involvement, so they could keep him in line.  Now's the fun part...	I can't believe I lost an eye for a bunch of phony C.D.s
-I just can't deal with all this crap between us, I'm sorry.  I'm quitting.	Let's get hitched.  I guess I, you know, love you.  It's a beautiful thing.
-Let's get hitched.  I guess I, you know, love you.  It's a beautiful thing.	Wha --
-Got those Vomit invites here...	Scalping to a funeral, you're a pretty sleazy guy.
-Scalping to a funeral, you're a pretty sleazy guy.	Thanks.  You interested.  It's festival seating, so...
-Thanks.  You interested.  It's festival seating, so...	How much?
-How much?	Three hundred.
-Three hundred.	You gave it to the girls for one.
-You gave it to the girls for one.	Hey, they blew me.
-Hey, they blew me.	Oh.  Three hundred coming right up.
-Zuzu Petals!  Zuzu Petals!  Yes! Who killed Bobby Vomit?  Who killed Johnny Crunch?  Why do people want you so goddamn bad?	I don't know.  I'm so scared. Help me.
-A simple 'please' would suffice...	Fluck you!
-It's red, Ford.	What?
-Hello?	Give me your gum and grab the wheel.
-You okay?	Peachy.
-Let's get serious...	Why are all these people after me?
-Why are all these people after me?	Uh... wha?  You're supposed to answer those questions, not ask 'em.  I take it a woman named Colleen Sutton is not your big sister and that the late D.J. Johnny Crunch ain't your daddy?
-Uh... wha?  You're supposed to answer those questions, not ask 'em.  I take it a woman named Colleen Sutton is not your big sister and that the late D.J. Johnny Crunch ain't your daddy?	I'm so sure!  I'm an only child and my parents are Bill and Shirley Petals of South Bend, Indiana. They run a hardware store and...
-You hung out with Bobby Vomit. Who would want him dead?	I dunno.  He was to sound what Cezanne was to image or at least I thought so.  Ever since he died, I've been chased... Omigod!
-I dunno.  He was to sound what Cezanne was to image or at least I thought so.  Ever since he died, I've been chased... Omigod!	What?  Jesus, tell me!
-What?  Jesus, tell me!	It's Spunk Lewis, the lead singer for Dead Ribbit!  Mr. Bus Driver, stop!
-Spunk, come back...	How is it you can look at that HairHead and see God, when all I see is a lucky asshole from Reseda.
-How is it you can look at that HairHead and see God, when all I see is a lucky asshole from Reseda.	Because I know rock-n-roll.
-Because I know rock-n-roll.	You know rock-n-roll?  Darlin', I've been in the music industry for as long as you've lived.  I've seen things you can't even have nightmares about... but then I guess I'm just not equipped to know the industry the way you do...
-You know rock-n-roll?  Darlin', I've been in the music industry for as long as you've lived.  I've seen things you can't even have nightmares about... but then I guess I'm just not equipped to know the industry the way you do...	Come again?  B.FL.D., I have sex with rock stars; it's not like I'm doing something that I don't enjoy with them, like shuffleboard. Don't worry about me, I practice safe sex and next summer, I'm going to U.C.L.A.
-Zuzu Petals, you're not bad.  In fact, I was discussing this whole rock-n-roll thing with my pal Art Mooney the other day.  You know him?	No.  Who's Art Mooney?
-No.  Who's Art Mooney?	He's the lamest clue I've ever had in my life.  Here's our stop...
-Yeah, it's weird.  Bobby and Johnny were such good friends...	Friends?  You didn't tell me that.
-Friends?  You didn't tell me that.	You didn't ask.  Have you ever thought about mousse?
-Why are you depressed?  You get in all the clubs, you never pay cover...	Stop.  We still got serious detective stuff to do, but we've been up all night so we should hit the sack for...
-Stop.  We still got serious detective stuff to do, but we've been up all night so we should hit the sack for...	What a perv...
-Let's watch some 'M.T.V.'	People still watch that?
-People still watch that?	Who cares about people?
-Zuzu, wake up...	Hah fluck, great video, huh?
-Hah fluck, great video, huh?	Are you okay?
-Are you okay?	Okay?  I just blew up.  I feel orgasmic.
-My axe!	Ford, do you got something cooking in the microwave?
-I know the feeling.  This must be hell.  Can you believe, a flucking sorority... I'm gonna vomit Day-Glo.	Ye-ah.  Sure.
-This is boring, guys.	Zuzu, be quiet.  Put in Colleen's disc.  Number two.
-Ford, you were right!	Ye-ah.
-I'm afraid so, you want her?	But you know, that was just a dream.  Doesn't really count.
-Nice left you got there, jerk.	Sorry, it was dark, now come on.
-This way...	No, wait...
-Suck a dick, I left my purse...	As Clark Gable said to Ava Gardner in Mogambo:  'Fuck the purse, we're gonna die-e-e.'
-As Clark Gable said to Ava Gardner in Mogambo:  'Fuck the purse, we're gonna die-e-e.'	Reality-reality-reality -- Outrageous building, huh?
-Reality-reality-reality -- Outrageous building, huh?	Ye-ah.
-Pretty smooth, huh?	"Smooth.  I know this is dangerous and everything but it's kind of fun. Ever see ""Batman,"" you know when Batman and Robin are climbing up the side of the building and somebody sticks their head outside the window and says... I forget what they said but it's pretty funny."
-"Smooth.  I know this is dangerous and everything but it's kind of fun. Ever see ""Batman,"" you know when Batman and Robin are climbing up the side of the building and somebody sticks their head outside the window and says... I forget what they said but it's pretty funny."	Why have you come to my planet?
-Ick.	I won't ask why you would want to help someone trying to kill you, but hey, good job.  Shall we?
-Hey.  God.  You're an asshole.	Let go of the belt!  What are you doing?  You got mad at me for trying to save the other guy.
-I can't kill this kid's father...	Who do you think you are, Ford? The tooth fairy.  Kill!  Kill!  Kill!
-Who do you think you are, Ford? The tooth fairy.  Kill!  Kill!  Kill!	This is fucking unbelievable.  Zuzu, it's a long story, you see...
-Hello, Mr. Tongue!  What a perv.	You wish.  Come on, let's get outta here.
-Are you okay?	There's that question...
-Oh how sweet, your friend's got his own star.	ArtArtArtArtMooneyMooneyMooney Mooney.
-You-see-it-all-starts-with-this- factory-in-Vancouver-and there's these-C.D.s...	I'll mail you a letter, come on!
-Hoh graphic!  I'm going to dream of ears for a year!  Ugh!	Just be thankful he wasn't dissatisfied with his sex life.
-So, Zuzu.  Are you okay?	Yeah, Ford.  I'm okay.
-Fairlane, you gonna find out who killed the lead singer of Black Vomit?	Tell me, Dr. Watson, what makes you think he's not just another piece of shit overdose.
-Gut feeling.	I'll give you a gut feeling, you little... Hey... hey!  Get that stick out of your mouth.  These things are killers, man.  Don't you go to school, listen to Smokey the Bear and all that...
-When you going to let me work with you?  Why you always fucking with me?	Why am I what?  Excuse me?  I catch you saying the F-word again.  I'll kill you.  That's a fucking promise.  Now get the fuck out of here.
-I got something serious to dis-cuss.	Well what is it?  I'm not Kreskin.
-Well what is it?  I'm not Kreskin.	Forget it.
-Ouch.	Hey, you, get off my cloud.  I'm talking to my friend.  1962 Fender Stratocaster with original humbucking pick-ups, maple neck, strung upside down for a left- handed motherfucking genius... Jimi Hendrix.
-Hey, you, get off my cloud.  I'm talking to my friend.  1962 Fender Stratocaster with original humbucking pick-ups, maple neck, strung upside down for a left- handed motherfucking genius... Jimi Hendrix.	Who cares?  I got a case.
-Who cares?  I got a case.	Twelve pack?
-This ain't no social call.  One hundred bucks.  To find my father.	Did he just say what I think he said?
-Did he just say what I think he said?	I've got a clue.  Look at my ring. Before my old lady ran off to Baja, she told me my dad had this same ring.
-Holy Colonel Mustard.  Gosh, you didn't mention the big clue... Kid, I can't take your money.	You need it.
-You need it.	I don't need it that bad.
-I'm sorry...	Shut up, you dummy.  Who did this to you?
-Shut up, you dummy.  Who did this to you?	These two guys in long cowboy coats and real nice suits.  I think Armani.  They were going through your stuff with screwdrivers and shit... I did what you would have done.
-These two guys in long cowboy coats and real nice suits.  I think Armani.  They were going through your stuff with screwdrivers and shit... I did what you would have done.	Run to the nearest phone and call the police.
-Run to the nearest phone and call the police.	Fuck that, I mean, the heck with that.  I kicked their ass!  Well, I tried.  There were two of them you know...
-Fuck that, I mean, the heck with that.  I kicked their ass!  Well, I tried.  There were two of them you know...	Jesus, how could you be so stupid?  Come on, we're going to a hospital.
-I tried to help you...!	And hey, I appreciate it...
-And hey, I appreciate it...	Where's my father?  Have you even looked?
-Where's my father?  Have you even looked?	Yeah, uh, I got some pretty good leads...
-Yeah, uh, I got some pretty good leads...	Liar!  You don't care!  About anything.
-So, did you find my dad?	Well, I got some good news and some bad news.
-Well, I got some good news and some bad news.	Yeah, go on...
-Yeah, go on...	Good news is that yeah, I found him.  The bad news is...
-It's me.	What kind of sentimental bullshit is this?
-What kind of sentimental bullshit is this?	Hey, I love you, too, you little jerk.  Jesus, guy tries to make a commitment and he's gotta eat shit.
-Hey, I love you, too, you little jerk.  Jesus, guy tries to make a commitment and he's gotta eat shit.	Who's my real father, man?
-Who's my real father, man?	He, he, lives in South America... he's doing that anthropologist- archeologist-dentist kind of thing ... he's real busy.
-I need someone to help me with my case load, you interested?  This whole father/son thing, if you're not into it, I mean, it's okay. You know what I'm saying?	Shut the heck up... Pop.
-Nice tie, Lt. Anus, sir.	You think you're so hot just because you can get into any club. You think you're so hot, just because you have sex with great- looking women.  You think you're so hot just because you broke the Ensenada tape piracy ring...
-You think you're so hot just because you can get into any club. You think you're so hot, just because you have sex with great- looking women.  You think you're so hot just because you broke the Ensenada tape piracy ring...	You gotta admit those are all pretty great reasons...
-You gotta admit those are all pretty great reasons...	Get the fuck out of here, honey... What do we got?
-What are you running from?	Why shucks, Lt. Anus, you told me to get the fuck out of here...
-Why shucks, Lt. Anus, you told me to get the fuck out of here...	If you're hiding something... oh, oh, I'll have so much fun.
-If you're hiding something... oh, oh, I'll have so much fun.	Why do you hate me?  It's gotta be more than Me Private You, You Cop.
-Why do you hate me?  It's gotta be more than Me Private You, You Cop.	Two words.  Disco Express.
-Two words.  Disco Express.	Disco Ex -- man, that group sucked like a squid, they had some shitty single they wanted me to plug, back in my publicist days...
-Disco Ex -- man, that group sucked like a squid, they had some shitty single they wanted me to plug, back in my publicist days...	'Booty Time.'
-'Booty Time.'	Yeah, and that lead singer, Jesus, that white Van McCoy wanna-be with the six-inch platform shoes. He looked...
-Yeah, and that lead singer, Jesus, that white Van McCoy wanna-be with the six-inch platform shoes. He looked...	Like me.
-Like me.	I was about to say he looked like shit, but hey, sure, he looked like you.
-I was about to say he looked like shit, but hey, sure, he looked like you.	'It's booty time, it's booty time, across the U.S.A.  It's booty time...'
-'It's booty time, it's booty time, across the U.S.A.  It's booty time...'	You were the lead sing -- Lieutenant, I didn't think anyone could cheer me up tonight... Thanks.  Really.
-Have a problem, call Ford Fairlane.  He won't solve your case, but who cares, you'll be dead in a couple days anyway. Let's face it.  After today, the California Raisins aren't gonna hire you.	That's okay.  I'm quitting the music detective business to become a cop killer.  Pay's the same, but it'll be much more fun.
-That's okay.  I'm quitting the music detective business to become a cop killer.  Pay's the same, but it'll be much more fun.	God, I wish I could prove you killed everybody.  Unfortunately, I know who the real killer is.
-God, I wish I could prove you killed everybody.  Unfortunately, I know who the real killer is.	Really?
-It's some psycho killer groupie. I got an anonymous letter that says she killed Bobby Vomit, Johnny Crunch, and now, this society dame.	Once I got an anonymous letter saying that the world would be destroyed by a giant purple raindrop. I didn't even buy a fucking umbrella... You were in too many discos during the seventies.  The Village People rotted your brain.
-Once I got an anonymous letter saying that the world would be destroyed by a giant purple raindrop. I didn't even buy a fucking umbrella... You were in too many discos during the seventies.  The Village People rotted your brain.	That's the difference between a great investigator like me and a piece of Spam like you.  You look at this picture and all you see is beauty.  I see the beast.
-Polo.	Whatever you're getting paid, I can give you twenty, maybe thirty bucks more.
-Feel my thumb?  I keep it there forty seconds more and a welt develops cutting off the oxygen to your brain.  I leave.  Twenty- one minutes later, you're dead. The slowest, most painful minutes a person can experience.	I guess you never saw 'A Very Brady Christmas.'
-I guess you never saw 'A Very Brady Christmas.'	Case closed, okay?  Thirty seconds.
-Case closed, okay?  Thirty seconds.	Fine!
-Fine!	What's fine?
-What's fine?	I'm off it!
-I'm off it!	Off what?  Twenty seconds...
-Off what?  Twenty seconds...	The case!
-The case!	Oh.  One more thing.  This is personal.  I want you to tell me you're a big sissy.
-Oh.  One more thing.  This is personal.  I want you to tell me you're a big sissy.	I.  Am.  The.  Biggest.  Sissy. In.  The.  Whole.  Fucking.  World.
-You were saying, snapperhead?  I'll bet you're not smiling now!	Oh, but I am.  Dianetics, Ford.  You should try it.
-Oh, but I am.  Dianetics, Ford.  You should try it.	Say cheese...
-I want you to say that you're the biggest sissy in the whole wide world.	I'm.  The.  Biggest.  Sissy.  In. The.  Wide.  World.
-I'm.  The.  Biggest.  Sissy.  In. The.  Wide.  World.	Okay.  'B-y-e!
-How's it going?	You gotta be kidding!  This is unfuckingbelievable!  I have to start the evening crawling down Capital Records, I shoulda chose suicide then, but oh no, the night was young!  Next up, my guitar! The second most important thing I own and now it's toothpicks for the homeless on Hollywood Boulevard!  Then, then, after I burned up your brother, Jazz... I should say as a fucking footnote I've usually treated women like shit -- used corsages, the wet spot, you know giving out Domino's Pizza's phone number and saying it's mine... Tonight was different. I felt respect.  I felt love.  Then Jazz left me... and now I get to die!
-You gotta be kidding!  This is unfuckingbelievable!  I have to start the evening crawling down Capital Records, I shoulda chose suicide then, but oh no, the night was young!  Next up, my guitar! The second most important thing I own and now it's toothpicks for the homeless on Hollywood Boulevard!  Then, then, after I burned up your brother, Jazz... I should say as a fucking footnote I've usually treated women like shit -- used corsages, the wet spot, you know giving out Domino's Pizza's phone number and saying it's mine... Tonight was different. I felt respect.  I felt love.  Then Jazz left me... and now I get to die!	The point?
-The point?	Let me go out like a man.
-Let me go out like a man.	Anyway you want it, asshole.
-How could Grendel Records sign such a wick-prick?  I guess Julian Grendel really is deaf as a fucking doorknob.  I hear Ray Charles is going to head up the video division.	Actually that's rather an intriguing idea...
-Good to meet you, Mr. Fairlane. Your mouth makes quite a reflection.  I'm Julian Grendel.	Boing.  You're one hell of a lip reader.
-Boing.  You're one hell of a lip reader.	Why thank you.  It's a Christmas present.  That was my sense of humor, everyone.  I wish you would fake a laugh.  It's easy with a deaf person.
-I knew your father.  He was quite...	An asshole?  A swine?  A ballistic turd?  Pick one.  I never knew what a blessing my accident was until he died and I had to take over the company.  You see the music is irrelevant in this industry.  I'm going to have to ship this 'wick-prick' platinum just so teenage girls can have a compact disc cover to get wet with.
-Terrible thing, but good career move.  His record sales have gone way up.  I'll just have to create a new Black Vomit.	I was just discussing this whole Vomit thing with my friend Art Mooney.  Do you know him?
-Well, hello, Ford.	Mmmmmmm.  Mmmm, mmm.
-Mmmmmmm.  Mmmm, mmm.	I must say you're an island of reality in an ocean of diarrhea.
-So what did you think of the ballet? Was it like a warm Ice Capades?	Yeah, I did, you condescending fuck, but I miss Snoopy coming out at the end.  Isn't your enjoyment impaired?
-Yeah, I did, you condescending fuck, but I miss Snoopy coming out at the end.  Isn't your enjoyment impaired?	Don't worry I can run every ballet note for note in my brain...
-Jazz, we're talking here.	Go on, another time, another place.
-Uh, nice piano.  Probably get a lot of complaints from the neighbors -- heh...  It's another time, Julian, another place.  If I told you Bobby Vomit, Johnny Crunch, and Colleen Sutton were the ones you were complaining about, the ones who tried to rip you off, what would your reaction be?	Shock.
-Shock.	And if I told you that you already knew all that shit, and that you had them killed, what would you do then?
-And if I told you that you already knew all that shit, and that you had them killed, what would you do then?	Golly, I'd probably faint.
-Actually you're a bit off in the motivation department... I mean, revenge is so... Bronson.  Wait, where's the third C.D.?  How could you come here without proof? It's a three piece set here!  A computer disc from Colleen, Bobby's computer disc, and Johnny's computer disc.  Together they make, oh fucking forget it!	Yeah, yeah, I know the third one unscrambles the high bits and the low bits.  Shit, just start torturing me, man.  I didn't even know Johnny had a disc and I can't deal with any 'Don't play games with me, Mr. Fairlane' bullshit.
-Yeah, yeah, I know the third one unscrambles the high bits and the low bits.  Shit, just start torturing me, man.  I didn't even know Johnny had a disc and I can't deal with any 'Don't play games with me, Mr. Fairlane' bullshit.	Don't play games... ugh.  Did you say you don't have the third... ugh.  I'm not going to torture you, Ford.
-It doesn't have to be like this?	Oh God, please, don't!
-Okay!  Okay.  You got me.  Boy, you guys are tough.  I have the third disc.  Indeed.  I.  Do. Yes, sir.  Yeah you assholes, it's in a very safe place with instructions to have it sent directly to the police if I don't make a phone call by seven o'clock.  So if you'll excuse us...	It's 7:30.  You really should get a watch.
-It's 7:30.  You really should get a watch.	Ah, I didn't say seven P.M., now did I?
-I just gave up smoking.  A last drink?	I'm running a little late.  You see, I'm having a party at THE Club to introduce the new lead singer for Black Vomit.  Everyone in the industry will be there, including our friend, Don Cleveland.
-I'm running a little late.  You see, I'm having a party at THE Club to introduce the new lead singer for Black Vomit.  Everyone in the industry will be there, including our friend, Don Cleveland.	What about Don?
-What about Don?	Before Black Vomit starts its set, Don will have his head blown off. The papers next week will reveal that he was partners with Bobby, Johnny, and Collie in 'the Grendel Records scam.'  He killed them to pay off a debt to 'the mob' or something lame like that.  And then the mob iced him.  It's all more tasteful than it sounds.
-Kill them.  Not quickly.	Are you okay?
-When I say 'no,' run for the door.	Oh, wait.  One sec.  Open the window.
-Shit.	Ciao.
-You'd said something about proof...	Oh please, Ford, I'll do any --
-And may I suggest for dessert, the five copies I made...	Fuck me...
-Fuck me...	Maybe later, but first I want like to know why you'd steal from your own company...
-Maybe later, but first I want like to know why you'd steal from your own company...	When I was young, I read Billboard and I could not believe how much Grendel Records and how little of it my idiot father Old Jack Grendel got.
-When I was young, I read Billboard and I could not believe how much Grendel Records and how little of it my idiot father Old Jack Grendel got.	Yeah, it's pretty amazing how much cash you gotta give to the actual artists who create the music.  Those ingrates really take a bite.  But seriously, when Pops died, you got Vomit, Crunch, and Sutton to help finance a C.D. Cleans operation. You got greedy and they tried to get the three discs together to threaten you, but...
-Yeah, it's pretty amazing how much cash you gotta give to the actual artists who create the music.  Those ingrates really take a bite.  But seriously, when Pops died, you got Vomit, Crunch, and Sutton to help finance a C.D. Cleans operation. You got greedy and they tried to get the three discs together to threaten you, but...	What is this, are you holding a microphone behind my head?
-Man, Julian, that accident took away more than your hearing.	Accident?  Accident!  You naive pussball, when I realized my life of music could only be a life of music industry.  I cut my fucking ears off so I'd only hear my music. Here, look.
-I'm still the king!	Julian, you're fired.
-You're that guy, the private eye.	You're a poet and didn't know it.
-You're a poet and didn't know it.	Do you really know everybody in the industry?
-Do you really know everybody in the industry?	Only on a first name basis.
-Only on a first name basis.	That's cute.  You're funny.
-That's cute.  You're funny.	That's funny, you're cute.
-That's funny, you're cute.	You heard that Bobby Vomit O.D.'d, right?  Do you suspect foul play and stuff?
-You heard that Bobby Vomit O.D.'d, right?  Do you suspect foul play and stuff?	I'll tell you when somebody pays me to give a shit and stuff.
-Hi, private eye guy!	Hey, the poet...
-Hey, troops, here's that rock 'n' roll detective I told you about.	Hebedeebuh.  Hebedeebuh.  Maybe I did die in the explosion.
-This isn't music!	It is to us!  It's computerised.
-I don't believe it.  Getting paid to be the asshole you always were.	Fucking amazing, huh?  Chevy Nova, you Bensonhurst shit!  Still in La-la land.  Look at us, two rock 'n' roll dicks.  Unfortunately, only one of us is a detective.
-Fucking amazing, huh?  Chevy Nova, you Bensonhurst shit!  Still in La-la land.  Look at us, two rock 'n' roll dicks.  Unfortunately, only one of us is a detective.	Nice getting all those phone calls from you after you hit it big, you Redhook bastard.
-Nice getting all those phone calls from you after you hit it big, you Redhook bastard.	I don't remember any Arbor Day cards from Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
-I don't remember any Arbor Day cards from Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.	Friendship's a lot different out here.  A wrong number is a relationship.  But then this isn't a social call.
-How nice.	It's my daughter, man.  I know I never told you about her, but God, I love that girl.  She calls herself Zuzu Petals and she's been swallowed up by the gorgeous hell that is L.A. A fucking groupie partying with the pros.  You have to get my baby back, she's my pride and --
-It's my daughter, man.  I know I never told you about her, but God, I love that girl.  She calls herself Zuzu Petals and she's been swallowed up by the gorgeous hell that is L.A. A fucking groupie partying with the pros.  You have to get my baby back, she's my pride and --	'Bye, Johnny...
-'Bye, Johnny...	What?
-So...	I don't take cases with foundations in bullshit.  They are very hard to walk around in.
-I don't take cases with foundations in bullshit.  They are very hard to walk around in.	Just find her, man.  She's my daughter, she's my sister, she's my mother, she's some little brat I stood in line with at Taco Bell last week.  Do whatever you want with my words.  And my money.
-I am told it is difficult to pay the phone bill with gold chains and V.C.R.s.  There's four thousand here.	Zuzu Petals.  Sounds like a drug. A lethal one.
-Zuzu Petals.  Sounds like a drug. A lethal one.	I hope you solve the case and I know you will, because you're the best.  Ford, guys like you don't grow on trees.
-What's my name?	Doyle.
-Doyle.	What?
-What?	Mr. Doyle.
-Mr. Doyle.	Ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?
-Ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?	What?
-What about you?  Can you stand a toss?	I'm clean.
-I'm clean.	You don't use shit?
-You don't use shit?	No.
-Did I say you could move that hand -- I'm not gonna get stuck am I?	No - no.
-No - no.	Cause if I do.
-How's everything?	Everything is everything.
-Everything is everything.	How come there's nothing out there? That stuff is all milk.
-How come there's nothing out there? That stuff is all milk.	There's nothing around.  Nobody's holding.
-There's nothing around.  Nobody's holding.	I got a name - Sal Boca, Brooklyn.
-I got a name - Sal Boca, Brooklyn.	Boca?
-Boca?	B.O.C.A.
-B.O.C.A.	Doesn't register.
-Doesn't register.	Got a wife named Angie.
-Got a wife named Angie.	No, nothing.  There's only some talk.
-No, nothing.  There's only some talk.	What?
-What?	Coming in this week, week after. Everybody going to get well.
-Coming in this week, week after. Everybody going to get well.	Who brings it?
-Who knows?	Where do you want it?
-Where do you want it?	This side.
-Where are you?	Takin' care o' business, honey.
-Takin' care o' business, honey.	Takin' care o' business -- it's after midnight.
-Takin' care o' business -- it's after midnight.	You know I hadda meet some people tonight --
--- Well finish all your meetin' people and get back here now -- and bring a pizza with you.	Where'm I goinna get a pizza this time o' night?
-Where'm I goinna get a pizza this time o' night?	Well try, okay?
-Well try, okay?	I don't know where I'm gonna find a pizza joint open.
-I don't know where I'm gonna find a pizza joint open.	Sal --
-Sal --	Yeah?
-Yeah?	Don't forget anchovies.
-What's your name, asshole?	Fuck you, Santa Claus!
-I don't...	Ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?
-Ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?	What?
-What?	Did you ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?
-Did you ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?	I don't know what you're talkin' about.
-I don't know what you're talkin' about.	Were you ever in Poughkeepsie?
-Were you ever in Poughkeepsie?	No... yeah...
-No... yeah...	Did you ever sit on the edge of the bed, take off your socks and stick your fingers between your toes?
-Did you ever sit on the edge of the bed, take off your socks and stick your fingers between your toes?	Man, I'm clean.
-Man, I'm clean.	You made three sales to your roaches back there.  We had to chase you through all this shit and you tell me you're clean?
-Henri c'est gentil d'être venu.  Je vous présente mon associé, Pierre Nicoli.  Henri Devereaux.	Enchanté.  Alain, j'ai réfléchi à votre proposition et j'ai décidé d'accepter.
-Did you pick up the car?	It is waiting for you in the garage.
-It is waiting for you in the garage.	Did they follow you?
-Did they follow you?	I wasn't looking.
-I wasn't looking.	Henri... I need one more favor from you.  I know I am imposing...
-Henri... I need one more favor from you.  I know I am imposing...	My friend, I am not sure about what is going on -- but for me, I am finished.
-My friend, I am not sure about what is going on -- but for me, I am finished.	Not quite -- you are in it whether you like it or not.  The police know you brought the car into the country.  This makes you an accomplice.
-Calm down -- Henri!  You must trust me -- this is an extremely complicated situation to which there is a simple solution if you do exactly what I tell you.  It's worth more money to you.	Goodbye.
-Allo... Salvatore...	Who's this --
-Who's this --	... Salvatore?...
-Twelve o'clock... yes...	Yes --
-Everything's smooth.  Beautiful.  I will need a few more days though, the boys think we oughta cool it for awhile -- make sure there's no heat.	You must take me for an imbecile. Why do you think I asked you to meet me in Washington?  I haven't spent five minutes in New York City without the company of a gendarme.
-You must take me for an imbecile. Why do you think I asked you to meet me in Washington?  I haven't spent five minutes in New York City without the company of a gendarme.	Look, I'll level with you -- I need a little more time -- I got to shift gears.
-Look, I'll level with you -- I need a little more time -- I got to shift gears.	Are you having trouble raising the half million?
-Are you having trouble raising the half million?	Hell no -- my end is covered -- my associates just feel we ought to wait for a more opportune time to make the switch.
-It has to be by the end of this week.	Look, Mr. Charnier, you got to be reasonable.
-Look, Mr. Charnier, you got to be reasonable.	It's your problem.
-It's your problem.	It's yours too!
-Tu sais j'ai réfléchi longuement à ton cadeau pour le voyage.  Je l'ai choisi moi-même.  Tiens.	Je peux l'ouvrir tout de suite?
-Je peux l'ouvrir tout de suite?	Si tu veux.
-Oh Alain!  C'est merveilleux!  Tu me gâtes.  Je t'aime.  Attends, je vais te montrer moi aussi ce que j'ai acheté.	Encore du sho ping!
-Regarde mon pêcheur de baleine... Tu sais il va faire très froid cet hiver.	Avec ça tu pourras le supporter.
-Avec ça tu pourras le supporter.	Mais non, c'est pour toi.
-Mais non, c'est pour toi.	Pour moi?
-Pour moi?	Regarde, il te va parfaitement bien!
-Regarde, il te va parfaitement bien!	Formidable!  Sans toi je m'habillerais encore en docker.  Je suis passé voir Françoise.
-Formidable!  Sans toi je m'habillerais encore en docker.  Je suis passé voir Françoise.	Comment va-t-elle?
-Comment va-t-elle?	Je n'ai jamais vu tant de sérenité. Elle m'a demandé de tes nouvelles et si nous étions heureux.
-Le sommes nous?	Non!
-Alain is the only man I know who can become as enthusiastic about a bridge as he can about a woman.	Not any woman, Marie.  Just one.
-Are you sure it is dead?	I'm going to put them on the cat.
-I'm going to put them on the cat.	That's a relief.
-Sale boulot.	Il fallait le faire.
-Il fallait le faire.	Il est en retard.
-Il est en retard.	Je crois qu'on fait une erreur de le prendre avec nous.
-Je crois qu'on fait une erreur de le prendre avec nous.	Une erreur!  C'est génial.  C'est une vedette à la télévision.  Il peut aller partout sans être soupçonné... En plus il a besoin de fric.
-Une erreur!  C'est génial.  C'est une vedette à la télévision.  Il peut aller partout sans être soupçonné... En plus il a besoin de fric.	J'ai pas confiance en lui.
-J'ai pas confiance en lui.	Sois gentil avec lui.  On ne sait jamais.  Il peut te faire travailler à la télévision.
-I'm afraid they've become a bit... over-cautious.  Our American friends.	What happens to the schedule?
-What happens to the schedule?	We must follow it.
-We must follow it.	But will they?
-I don't know.  Boca is scared. He's not strong enough.  He sees policemen in his soup.	He is not wrong.
-He is not wrong.	Mmmmm.  That bastard who followed me on the subway, he's the eager one.
-There'll be someone else.	What difference does it make? We'll be out of the country Friday.
-It's beautiful.	It was built in 1917 - and was one of the two heaviest bridges in the world.  The arch is still the largest in the world.
-It was built in 1917 - and was one of the two heaviest bridges in the world.  The arch is still the largest in the world.	Who financed it?
-If this bridge were in Europe, it would be on every tourist's sight- seeing list.	Most New Yorkers never notice it - most Americans have never heard of it.
-Most New Yorkers never notice it - most Americans have never heard of it.	Look how gracefully they conceived that arch.  Like a bowstring.  It was built from both ends.  With no support in the middle.  Beautiful.
-Look how gracefully they conceived that arch.  Like a bowstring.  It was built from both ends.  With no support in the middle.  Beautiful.	Mmm.
-What's your story?	Gimme a break, Mr. Russo.  I'm in show business.
-You're in show business.	S'right.
-All right, get up on that bar and dance.	What?
-What?	Get up on the bar and show me how you work.  If I like it you don't have to go in.
-Get up on the bar and show me how you work.  If I like it you don't have to go in.	You're for real?
-I got no music!	Fake it.
-I'm sorry, I don't know who you mean.	He got off on six.
-He got off on six.	We have four rooms and six suites on six.  There's a man in almost every one of them.
-There's nobody like that on six.	Perhaps he's visiting a guest.
-Perhaps he's visiting a guest.	No, I figure he stays here.  Where's your registration?
-There may be two... no, three who could fit it.	Names.
-A Mr. Paul Ganapolos, he's here alone.	Where from?
-Where from?	Des Moines.
-Des Moines.	What's he do?
-What's he do?	Businessman.  Owns a department store in Des Moines, I think.
-Mr. and Mrs. Alain Charnier, would be another.  He's in shipping.	Yeh?  Who else?
-Yeh?  Who else?	And a Mr. Michael Lowenstein, I don't know what he does.
-And a Mr. Michael Lowenstein, I don't know what he does.	This Charnier guy.  He's in shipping?
-This Charnier guy.  He's in shipping?	I think so.  But they're in Room 408.  On the fourth floor.
-Where's he from?	Marseilles.
-That's in France.	Yeah, I know.
-What about you, Doyle?  Who's the best fighter you ever seen?	Willie Mays.
-What ya doin' out so late?  Hidin' from the cops?	I hear the health department is going to close this joint for selling dirty beer.  I come by to help you carry out your money.
-I hear the health department is going to close this joint for selling dirty beer.  I come by to help you carry out your money.	They'll close you down if they ever get a look at those busted-valise broads you run with.
-They'll close you down if they ever get a look at those busted-valise broads you run with.	You want some eggs.
-You want some eggs.	Why not?
-Why not?	Hey, Mutch!  You want bacon?
-Hey, Mutch!  You want bacon?	Yeah!
-Yeah!	Where the hell is it?
-Where the hell is it?	Where the hell do you think it is, potato head?
-"I got this little chick I'm tryin' to hit on.  She's about 20, 21... I take her to Jilly's last night and she's tellin' me about how she wants to settle down one day, get married... I says, ""Hey, this is 1971, baby, I'm just a dirty old man lookin' to score with some pussy."""	Strike out, eh?
-Strike out, eh?	Yeah.  In the late innings.  Ya look like a night's sleep wouldn't kill ya.
-Yeah.  In the late innings.  Ya look like a night's sleep wouldn't kill ya.	A piece of ass wouldn't kill me.
-A piece of ass wouldn't kill me.	When ya go back on?
-When ya go back on?	Morning.  Sometime.
-Morning.  Sometime.	Whyn't ya stretch out on the pool table for a couple hours.  The kid comes in at six will wake ya.  A couple eggs and a beer is cheaper than keepin' a dog around the joint.
-Christ you should o' collared him right there.	Who's on him?
-Why don't you do the same, Doyle? You look like shit.	Look.  My partner and I found this case and I don't want no Feds screwing it up.
-Look.  My partner and I found this case and I don't want no Feds screwing it up.	Case?  So far I haven't seen a damn thing.
-Case?  So far I haven't seen a damn thing.	Bill, keep shootin' your mouth off and I'll knock you into the middle of next week.
-Yeah, we got the Westbury covered like a tent.	The Westbury?  Balls.  I got him down at the subway at Times Square. What the hell's goin' on?  I make him coming right out of the hotel free as a bird.  Not a soul awake.
-That's crazy.  You lost the Frog in the subway and you blew our cover. If they haven't moved already they're not gonna move now.	Walter, I can make this case if the Feds will get the hell out of my way.
-A bunch of lousy little spic car thieves.	Nothing in there except a New York street map.
-Nothing in there except a New York street map.	Tumble it.  One end to the other.
-Who stuck up the laundromat?	How about that time you were picking your feet in Poughkeepsie?
-Havin' trouble?  You're a dumb guinea.	How'd I know he had a knife.
-How'd I know he had a knife.	Never trust a nigger.
-Never trust a nigger.	He coulda been white.
-Never trust anybody.  You goin' sick?	Not a chance.
-Let's popeye around the Chez for a half hour, catch the end of the show and a couple drinks.	Some other time Jimmy, I'm beat.
-Come on -- one drink.  Whatta you say?	Drink this.
-Drink this.	Whip it out.
-I make at least two junk connections at that table in the corner.  The guy is the stripe combo, I know him too.	Hey, I thought we come for a drink.
-Who is that guy?	Policy man in Queens.
-Policy man in Queens.	What about the last of the big-time spenders.  You make him?
-No, you?	Hunh-uh.  Check the bread.  He spreads it like the Russians are in Jersey.
-Hunh-uh.  Check the bread.  He spreads it like the Russians are in Jersey.	He probably sells insurance.  Owns a chicken farm in Hackensack.
-Whatta you say we wait and give him a tail?	Give who a tail?
-Give who a tail?	The greaser with the blonde.
-The greaser with the blonde.	What for -- you wanna play Hide the Salami with his old lady?
-What for -- you wanna play Hide the Salami with his old lady?	Come on -- just for fun --
-Monica?  Who's Monica?	A and A, that's all you're interested in -- Arrests and Ass.
-If that's not a drop or a pickup, I'll open a charge for you at Bloomingdale's.	Make it Alexander's, I like the toy department.
-Make it Alexander's, I like the toy department.	Toy wit' this will ya.
-Toy wit' this will ya.	There's about a hundred years' parole time in there night or day.
-I think we oughta burn him on suspicion.	Suspicion of what?
-Suspicion of what?	Makin' wine in the basement.  He looks like that wop stooge used to drive for the Fracisi brothers.
-No sir -- this is where Joel lives.	He was the bank on that shipment outta Mexico three years ago.
-What the hell am I drivin' for? I'm a first grade Detective. You're a second grade guinea.	I'm wounded.  Oh, oh.
-I'm goin' check on this address in the Bronx, if you're bullshitting me, it's your ass.	Tell everybody we'll be back in an hour.
-Tell everybody we'll be back in an hour.	We're goin' now!  Goodbye.
-We got information that there's no shit in the street -- it's like a desert full of junkies with a big score coming in to make everybody well.	This could be it, Walter.  This Candy Store guy, putting on a big show in a fancy nightclub with known connections all over him. Then on our own, after working the whole day and night, we tail him out to Brooklyn and sit on him for a week practically, and who do we come up with?  Joel Weinstock.  You gotta let us have it.
-Popeye.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	It's Cloudy.  Open the door.
-It's Cloudy.  Open the door.	I can't.
-Why not?	Let yourself in.
-What happened to you?	The crazy kid handcuffed me to the bed.  With my own cuffs.
-You got the warrant?	We also got Bill Mulderig and Phil Klein.
-Throw 'em in the bathroom, will you? How good are the warrants?	Sixty days.  Here.  Don't mention it.
-You want the red or the white?	Pour it in your ear.
-The guy's a frog -- I'm pretty sure. Also he made me.  Stayin' on four but went up to six -- cute.	The other guy's a frog too.  Checked in at the Edison.  Had a hooker sent up.
-What about Sal?	We put him to bed for the night.
-This fella Nicoli's got a record in France, Walter.  He's wanted for questioning in the murder of a French cop.	I say we keep sittin' on Boca.
-My ass.  The only reason you're in this is because you've got a big expense account for buying junk and you like to see your picture in the papers.	This is my case.  Get these guys off my back and let me handle it.
-Timezit?	Four.
-Same car.	Third time around.
-Hey, Bo.	Hiya, Jesus.
-Hiya, Jesus.	Can you use a new suit for Christmans?
-Can you use a new suit for Christmans?	Whatta you got?
-Where'd you get this fag shit?	This is what the tough guys are wearin'.  You know I only steal from the best.  It's Bonwit Teller.
-This is what the tough guys are wearin'.  You know I only steal from the best.  It's Bonwit Teller.	Pass.
-Pass.	Forty dollars -- was $250.
-Forty dollars -- was $250.	Whyn't you get it dry cleaned and burned.
-There are four auto graveyards like this one in the other boroughs, handling about a thousand vehicles a month.  Those that aren't claimed are auctioned here once a month.	Just for mistakes of parking?
-No.  Many are involved in crimes and confiscated... or just abandoned. This is, as you know, your prime source of scrap metal, M. Charnier.	Darling, may I have this one?
-Two railroads as part of a connecting railway which provided passage from New England to the South.  It was actually the first railroad through New York City.	Why is it called Hellgate?
-Why is it called Hellgate?	The river at this point is the most dangerous on the East Coast.  Years ago, hundreds of ships went down here.
-I'm afraid the rest of Ward's Island isn't nearly as romantic - a pollution plant, a hospital, a training school for garbage men and that area over there, where the old cars are kept, prior to being processed for shipment to, among other places, The Charnier Shipping Company, of Marseilles, France.	What is that old building?
-What is that old building?	Oh, it's been abandoned for years.
-Oh, it's been abandoned for years.	What was it?
-What was it?	It was a crematorium.
-It was a crematorium.	For garbage?
-For garbage?	For dead bodies.
-What am I, a shmuck?  What's the hurry?  He could see a couple of shows and visit the top of the Empire State Building.	Joel, don't jerk me.  I spent a lot o' time settin' this one up.
-So whatta you want a badge?  It's your first major league game Sal. One thing I learned, move calmly, move cautiously.  You'll never be sorry.	I been damn careful up to now.
-I been damn careful up to now.	Which is why your phone lines are tapped and the Feds are crawlin' all over you like flies.
-Which is why your phone lines are tapped and the Feds are crawlin' all over you like flies.	I'm straight, Joel.  They haven't got shit on me.  Look, I'm tellin' you, he'll take the deal somewhere else.
-I'm straight, Joel.  They haven't got shit on me.  Look, I'm tellin' you, he'll take the deal somewhere else.	He could go someplace else with his sixty kilos of heroin and see how easy it is to pull together a half million cash.  He wouldn't find there was any hurry to do this kind of business.
-That was over thirty years ago.  I paid for that and then some.	You go to Xavier High School, Daryl?
-You go to Xavier High School, Daryl?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	You remember Mary Finelli?
-You remember Mary Finelli?	What are you saying?
-What are you saying?	You know what I'm saying.
-You know what I'm saying.	No, I don't.
-No, I don't.	Well, I think you do.
-Sexual assault, Daryl.  Five years.  But you got lucky, right?  You got away with something else.  Something you figured nobody knows about.	What I know is what I told you.
-What I know is what I told you.	Let me tell you what I know, Daryl.  You went to Saint Xavier with Mary.  You lived five blocks from her.  You liked her.  But she ain't interested.  That must've hurt, huh?
-Let me tell you what I know, Daryl.  You went to Saint Xavier with Mary.  You lived five blocks from her.  You liked her.  But she ain't interested.  That must've hurt, huh?	So what?
-So what?	So, what'd you do about it, Daryl?
-So, what'd you do about it, Daryl?	Nothing.
-Oh, my God!  What is that?!  Why you showing me this shit!?  JESUS!  JESUS! Get those away from me!	Nicky Moore.  Patty Ryan.  Mary Finelli. These names mean anything to you, asshole?  Julia Sullivan!  She mean anything?  She means something to me!
-You got a collar in here for the Nightingale murders?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	I'm working with one of the victims outta Brooklyn North.  You mind I take a shot at him?
-I'm working with one of the victims outta Brooklyn North.  You mind I take a shot at him?	That's Deleon and Hayes' collar.
-That's Deleon and Hayes' collar.	They around?
-They around?	Just missed Deleon.  Hayes is up in the squad.
-Just missed Deleon.  Hayes is up in the squad.	Where's the collar, in the cells?
-Where's the collar, in the cells?	No, I think he's up in interrogation.
-No, I think he's up in interrogation.	I'll go find Hayes.
-Why haven't they killed the juice?	Switches are shorted out.
-Switches are shorted out.	You're shitting me!
-You're shitting me!	Wish I was.  Oldest part of the system down there.  We're on it, but it's gonna take awhile.
-Wish I was.  Oldest part of the system down there.  We're on it, but it's gonna take awhile.	We gotta go underground.  Get those guys out, now.
-We gotta go underground.  Get those guys out, now.	We tried.  Bulkhead door's rusted shut. Won't budge.
-How do we get to the vault door?	There's a manhole at Canal and Bowery.
-Oh, man.  Hope it ain't like this in Baltimore tomorrow.	Baltimore?
-Baltimore?	The game, Graham.  The Series?
-Oh, yeah.  Damn.  My watch is busted.	Hey, Rookie.  Be cool.  Just stay with me.  This is what we do.
-Hey, Rookie.  Be cool.  Just stay with me.  This is what we do.	I seem nervous, huh?
-Frank.  We gotta go back.  Frank...	Stay with me, Gib.  We're gonna do this.
-Stay with me, Gib.  We're gonna do this.	I should'a been a fucking mailman.
-Frank.  Hey, man.  You alright?	I'm alright, Gibby.
-It looks open on the other side.	Don't know what's behind it.
-Don't know what's behind it.	One way to find out.
-Gotta be another way up, Frank.	Then fuckin' find it.  I'm going for the girl.
-You okay, man?	Elvis has left the building.
-Hey, bud.	Hey, bud.
-How about a little of the King?	Well, why not a little of the King?
-Damn.	You alright?
-You alright?	I think I ruined the sauce...again.
-What's the matter, Jules?  Trouble workin' an eight hour shift, watching the kid and whipping up a little bolognese?	You didn't marry Donna Reed.
-You didn't marry Donna Reed.	I'd go with you and Chinese take-out over her any time.
-How was your tour?	The usual.
-Butch called.	Did he?
-Did he?	He did.
-He did.	It was under control, Bud.  Butchy's just getting tight in his old age.
-It was under control, Bud.  Butchy's just getting tight in his old age.	Nothing wrong with old age, Frank...long as you get there.
-Frankie, Johnny wants to say goodnight.	Sure.
-Frank...what's wrong?	Nothing.  I just wanted to see you.
-Where's Johnny?	I tucked him in at Gordo's.
-I tucked him in at Gordo's.	You give him his drops?
-You give him his drops?	One in each ear.  What would you do without me?
-One in each ear.  What would you do without me?	Probably marry some rich doctor and never have to work...
-I love you, Bud.	I love you more.
-Boy is he excited about the game tomorrow.	He ain't the only one.
-I'm off.	Wish you weren't.
-Wish you weren't.	Do you know how much I love you?
-There's something I gotta take care of. Something I need to tell you about.	Okay...
-Okay...	I've been talking to this...guy...this cop...on the HAM...and, uh, he...
-I've been talking to this...guy...this cop...on the HAM...and, uh, he...	Honey, what is it?  Just tell me.
-Honey, what is it?  Just tell me.	I've been talking to Johnny...on the radio.
-I've been talking to Johnny...on the radio.	I know.  He loves that thing.
-I know.  He loves that thing.	No.  Not our Johnny.  I mean, it's Johnny...but not now...in the future.
-I'll be upstairs...if you want to play.	I'm serious.
-I'm serious.	So am I.
-Jules, I want you to say hello to somebody...  I'm on with John - that guy I told you about.	The future guy?
-The future guy?	Yeah, but, no kidding around, he's a good guy, a real good guy...
-Then you gotta hide it somewhere. Somewhere where nobody's gonna find it...for 29 years!  Put it under the loose floorboard by the window!	I gotcha, I gotcha Chief!
-Hey, bud.	Frank...
-Lucky throw, fire boy.	Luck, my ass.
-Okay, I'm on it.  Hey.	Hello, Frank.
-Frank, we need to talk...	John, hold on a second.  I'm in the middle of something important here.  You mind if...
-Satch, you gotta just give me...Satch is here John.  You hear me?  Satch is here.	I'm sorry, Frank, but you need to come outside.
-What is going on here, Satch?  What are those guys doing out there?	I think you know, Frank.
-I think you know, Frank.	No, I don't.
-No, I don't.	Let's go outside and talk.  We need to do that.
-Let's go outside and talk.  We need to do that.	About what?
-About what?	Let's go.  Do us both a favor.
-What do you mean?	Do you know where I found this?
-415 Greenwich St.  #302.  Under the body of a murdered woman.	No.  This isn't what you think.
-No.  This isn't what you think.	I wanna be wrong here.  But we need to go to the precinct and talk about it.
-I wanna be wrong here.  But we need to go to the precinct and talk about it.	Okay, okay.  I need to go say something to Julia and finish up with the guy on the radio.
-Okay, okay.  I need to go say something to Julia and finish up with the guy on the radio.	You can talk to Julia.  Forget the radio.
-I swear, Satch.	Uh, huh...  Uh, huh.  And you got this from the guy you were talking to on the radio when I came in?
-Uh, huh...  Uh, huh.  And you got this from the guy you were talking to on the radio when I came in?	As nuts as that sounds, yes.
-As nuts as that sounds, yes.	Uh, huh.
-Uh, huh.	Satch, would you listen to me here.  Just you and me.  Can I talk to you here, alone?
-Frank, this is not the time to be worried about covering up if you had a thing with this girl.	He's not gonna stop, Satch.  He's gonna keep on...
-He's not gonna stop, Satch.  He's gonna keep on...	Are you listening to me?  You're in a world of shit.  An eye witness has you outside the dead girl's apartment.  We got your prints all over the place.  Plus the fucking driver's license, Frank.  You gotta give me something here. Something I can believe.
-What if I could prove it to you, Satch?	How's that?
-How's that?	What if I told you that in the bottom of the 6th we're gonna be down 3-0.  And Cleon Jones is gonna get hit in the foot. It's gonna leave a scuff mark on the ball.
-What if I told you that in the bottom of the 6th we're gonna be down 3-0.  And Cleon Jones is gonna get hit in the foot. It's gonna leave a scuff mark on the ball.	Frank, please...
-Frank, please...	The next batter, Clendenon, hits one outta the park.
-The next batter, Clendenon, hits one outta the park.	Frank, this is insane...
-Frank, this is insane...	In the bottom of the 7th, Weis is gonna hit a solo home run.  Jones and Swoboda are gonna score in the 8th.  The Mets are gonna win 5-3.  Go watch the game, Satch.
-In the bottom of the 7th, Weis is gonna hit a solo home run.  Jones and Swoboda are gonna score in the 8th.  The Mets are gonna win 5-3.  Go watch the game, Satch.	Go watch the game?  Go watch the fucking game?  Frank, they're gonna make you for Sissy Clark's murderer.  It matches the Nightingale's profile.  You understand what that means?
-Deleon.	Satch, you gotta listen to me...
-Satch, you gotta listen to me...	Frank.  We know.  We know it's Shepard.
-Frank.  We know.  We know it's Shepard.	No kidding.  I'm on the corner of 65th and CPW.  Come get me.
-You missed a hell of a game, Frank.	Next time lets put some money on it.
-Next time lets put some money on it.	Get him home safe.
-Looks like two weeks worth of allowance, Chief.	I know.  Sorry, Dad.
-I know.  Sorry, Dad.	Glad to hear that.
-Okay, start pedaling.	Daddy put the wheels back on.  I'm gonna fall.
-Daddy put the wheels back on.  I'm gonna fall.	Don't think about falling, just keep pedaling.
-Don't think about falling, just keep pedaling.	Daddy, I'm scared.
-Daddy, I'm scared.	C'mon, Chief, show some guts.
-Daddy, come up and sing the baseball.	I'll be up soon, Little Chief.
-I'm scared.	Don't be scared.  This time I'm right behind you if you fall.
-Don't be scared.  This time I'm right behind you if you fall.	Daddy, Daddy, I can't.
-Daddy, Daddy, I can't.	No, but we can.  We can do it together. Spirit and guts, Chief.
-You ready?	Wait...
-Wait...	I'm right here behind you...
-Yes!  That's it!  You got it, you got it! Way to go, Chief!	I'm doing it!  I'm doing it!
-Uh, hello?	WB2YKXB, who've I got?
-WB2YKXB, who've I got?	Name's John.
-Are you licensed to broadcast, buddy?	Look, I don't really remember how this thing works.
-Look, I don't really remember how this thing works.	Listen, you can't broadcast without a license.  Unless this is an emergency, you gotta get off the band.
-Listen, you can't broadcast without a license.  Unless this is an emergency, you gotta get off the band.	Pal, my whole life's an emergency.
-Where are you transmitting from?	Queens, New York.
-Queens, New York.	Whatta ya know.  Bayside, born and raised.
-Whatta ya know.  Bayside, born and raised.	I thought these things were for talkin' around the world.
-I thought these things were for talkin' around the world.	15-band closes down at night.  During the day you can chew the band with China if you want.
-15-band closes down at night.  During the day you can chew the band with China if you want.	I can't believe people are still using these things.
-Sorry 'bout that.  So Queens, you psyched for the Series?	I don't really follow baseball anymore.
-I don't really follow baseball anymore.	What?
-What?	I got fed up with all the bullshit.
-I got fed up with all the bullshit.	Fed up?  Lemme tell you something, in a 1000 years, when school kids study America, they're gonna learn about three things: the Constitution, Rock 'n' Roll, and Baseball.
-I'm right with you, man.  He's got the heart of a lion.  Hey, how 'bout the first game of the Series?	Yeah.  It was all over after Buford nailed Seaver's first pitch outta the park.
-...WB2YXB calling unidentified station, Queens.  CQ 15.	Hello?
-Hello?	I been Q-ing you all night.  How the hell did you do it?
-I been Q-ing you all night.  How the hell did you do it?	Huh?
-Huh?	The World Series.  You called Buford's homer.
-The World Series.  You called Buford's homer.	Wasn't too tough, buddy.  Game happened almost thirty years ago.
-Wasn't too tough, buddy.  Game happened almost thirty years ago.	What are you talking about?  I'm talking about this afternoon.
-What are you talking about?  I'm talking about this afternoon.	This afternoon?
-Sorry 'bout that.	What'd you just say?
-What'd you just say?	Oh, that was my kid.
-You call your son Little Chief?	Uh huh...
-Uh huh...	What'd you say your name was?
-What'd you say your name was?	Frank...Frank Sullivan.
-Frank...Frank Sullivan.	Is this some kind of joke?  Gordo is that you?  Are you fucking with me?
-Is this some kind of joke?  Gordo is that you?  Are you fucking with me?	Look pal, I'm just askin' how you...
-Look pal, I'm just askin' how you...	You're telling me your name is Frank Sullivan, you live in Queens and you just saw the first game of the '69 Series...live?
-You're telling me your name is Frank Sullivan, you live in Queens and you just saw the first game of the '69 Series...live?	Right...and I'm asking how you called the game.
-Right...and I'm asking how you called the game.	Gordo, if this is you, so help me...
-Gordo, if this is you, so help me...	What the hell does Gordy have to do with it?
-What'd you say your station...uh, your call letters were?	W...B...2...YXB.
-Now you listen to me.  My name is John Francis Sullivan, I live at 1060 41st, where I've lived my whole life.  And I saw the first game of the '69 Series at my Uncle Butch's house with my father...	What?
-What?	29-years ago.
-29 years...?	My dad's name was Frank Patrick Sullivan, he was a fire fighter and a die-hard Mets fan.  And every night when I went to bed he sang to me...  Take me out to the ball game, take me out with the crowd...
-What the hell...	I'm dreaming this.  Shit, this is a dream.
-I'm dreaming this.  Shit, this is a dream.	I'm not dreaming.
-What's going on?	Nothing...I just spilled something.
-Oh my god.	What?
-What?	You just burned the desk.
-You just burned the desk.	What's happening?
-That's impossible.	What if it's not...
-Dad...?	Johnny...?
-How could this be happening?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	We gotta be bouncing off the mother sun spot of all time.
-We gotta be bouncing off the mother sun spot of all time.	Sun spot?
-Sun spot?	Yeah, that's how Hams work.
-Yeah, that's how Hams work.	Wait a sec...there was something on the news.  Something about this space anomaly.  I think they said it was connected to some storm in '69.
-You sound...ground up...?	I'm thirty-five years old.
-I'm thirty-five years old.	Thirty-five?  That would make it...
-Thirty-five?  That would make it...	1998.
-1998...?  This is wrong.  Who are you? Why are you doing this?	"I'm not doing anything.  Look, I don't know what's going on.  But I swear on my life, I""m here at your old desk, on your Ham, in our house, right now...in 1998."
-It's really you, isn't it?	Yeah...I think so.
-No, not yet.	Too busy playin' ball, huh?
-Too busy playin' ball, huh?	Nah, I gave it up.
-You're still my Little Chief, right?	I'm trying to be, Dad.  I'm tyrin'.  It's good to hear your voice.  I missed you...so much.
-What's that?	I think I'm losing you.
-I think I'm losing you.	No wait, don't go!
-No wait, don't go!	It's okay.  I'm still here, Chief.
-It's okay.  I'm still here, Chief.	But you're not...you're not still here.
-What are you talking about?	I lost you.
-I lost you.	What?
-What?	I never knew you, Dad.
-I never knew you, Dad.	Why?
-Why?	Fire.
-Fire.	On the job?
-On the job?	It was an abandoned warehouse - hit by lightening.  Butch told Ma it was just one wrong turn. Said it wasn't your fault.  You went with the training, with your instincts.  If you'd just gone left instead of right, you would've made it.
-It was an abandoned warehouse - hit by lightening.  Butch told Ma it was just one wrong turn. Said it wasn't your fault.  You went with the training, with your instincts.  If you'd just gone left instead of right, you would've made it.	That can't be...that's not gonna happen.
-That can't be...that's not gonna happen.	It did, Pop.  It did.
-It did, Pop.  It did.	When?
-When?	October 12, 1969.
-But that's tomorrow.	Tomorrow.  Jesus...it hasn't happened. It doesn't have to happen.
-Don't go.  Don't go in that warehouse...	I don't understand.
-Dad...?	Chief?!  Is that you?
-Chief?!  Is that you?	Yeah, it's me.
-Yeah, it's me.	You're the voice of an angel, Johnny.  If you hadn't told me, no way I would'a ever made it.
-Dad, you there?  You okay?	Yeah.  I'm okay.  What about you?  I want to know.  About you.  And your mom.
-We're doing all right, Dad.  We're doing good.	Tell me.
-Tell me.	It's hard to explain.  Something happened today.  It was like a dream.  And when I woke up I had all these new memories. Good times.  Times we never had before.
-It's hard to explain.  Something happened today.  It was like a dream.  And when I woke up I had all these new memories. Good times.  Times we never had before.	I'm glad.
-Dad, I gotta tell you this...cause you should know.  Cause I still remember.	What, Johnny?  What is it?
-What, Johnny?  What is it?	What it was like when you died in the fire...
-Right here, Chief.  Sorry I lost you last night.  Damn thing keeps cutting out.	Dad...Dad... There's... I need to...
-Dad...Dad... There's... I need to...	"Are you alright""?"
-"Are you alright""?"	Something happened, something...
-Something happened, something...	What?  Johnny, what's wrong?
-What?  Johnny, what's wrong?	It's Mom.
-It's Mom.	What?  What is it?
-What?  What is it?	She's not here.
-She's not here.	Whatta you mean she's not here?
-Whatta you mean she's not here?	She...she died.  It's like it just happened.
-She...she died.  It's like it just happened.	She just died, your mother just died?
-She just died, your mother just died?	No Dad, it happened a long time ago, a long time ago for me.
-When?	October 22, 1969.
-October 22, 1969.	Jesus Christ...that's...ten days from now.  How?
-Murdered?  Why?	There was this case.  A serial.  He murdered three women, all nurses, between '68 and '69.  The papers called them the Nightingale Murders.  They never caught him.  But the killings just stopped.
-There was this case.  A serial.  He murdered three women, all nurses, between '68 and '69.  The papers called them the Nightingale Murders.  They never caught him.  But the killings just stopped.	What kinda twisted animal.
-What kinda twisted animal.	Dad, we did something.  Something to make it worse.
-Dad, we did something.  Something to make it worse.	Whatta you mean...
-Whatta you mean...	He didn't just kill three women anymore. He killed ten.
-He didn't just kill three women anymore. He killed ten.	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	Something we did changed the case...changed history.  Mom wasn't dead.  But then after you didn't die in the fire something must have happened.  And this guy, this Nightingale guy, he kept on killing...it was like a spree...seven more women.
-Something we did changed the case...changed history.  Mom wasn't dead.  But then after you didn't die in the fire something must have happened.  And this guy, this Nightingale guy, he kept on killing...it was like a spree...seven more women.	I gotta take her away, John.  I'm gonna take your mother away.  He can't hurt her if I take her away.
-I gotta take her away, John.  I'm gonna take your mother away.  He can't hurt her if I take her away.	I don't know...  What about the other women?
-I don't know...  What about the other women?	I'll warn them.
-I'll warn them.	That'll never work.  They'll just think you're crazy.
-That'll never work.  They'll just think you're crazy.	What can we do?  You don't even know who this guy is.
-What can we do?  You don't even know who this guy is.	No.  Nobody got...  Wait a minute.  I might not know who he is, but I know where he's gonna be.  I got the case file.  We know what he's gonna do before he does it.
-No.  Nobody got...  Wait a minute.  I might not know who he is, but I know where he's gonna be.  I got the case file.  We know what he's gonna do before he does it.	So what should I do?  Call the police? You think they'll believe me?
-So what should I do?  Call the police? You think they'll believe me?	They will if they catch him in the act. You can make that happen, Dad.  You can tail the victim and call it in at just the right moment.
-They will if they catch him in the act. You can make that happen, Dad.  You can tail the victim and call it in at just the right moment.	I don't know, John.  I'm a fire fighter. This is...this is different.
-I don't know, John.  I'm a fire fighter. This is...this is different.	I do know.  I'm a cop.  This is what I do.
-You ever talk to a victim's family?  The one's left behind?  They don't act like what you'd think.  There's panic and fear.  But mostly, it's like there's this logic problem.  And if they could only solve it, everything would be okay.  But if you look real close - look at their eyes - you can see it.  Just a glimmer.  But somewhere they know.  They know their world is never gonna be the same.	What if the radio stops working?  Christ, what if I can't reach you again?
-What if the radio stops working?  Christ, what if I can't reach you again?	Then you get Mom the hell out.  But Dad, those other women weren't supposed to die.  We don't try to stop this guy, we're gonna live with that for the rest of our lives.
-Why not just get the cops to watch the bar?	They'll question her.  Whatever they tell her could change what happens.  No, I want you to follow her.  See if anybody's watching her, hittin' on her. I'm betting somebody's gonna walk outta that bar with her.  When they do, you call the cops.
-What do I tell them?	Tell 'em there's a homicide in progress... cause by the time they show up there will be.
-I'll be damned.	Did you see him?  Do you know who he is?
-Did you see him?  Do you know who he is?	No.  I just kept talking to her.  There was a lot of guys in that bar - could'a been any of 'em.
-No.  I just kept talking to her.  There was a lot of guys in that bar - could'a been any of 'em.	It's okay.  This is working.  This is gonna work.
-It's okay.  This is working.  This is gonna work.	Whatta we do now?
-Whatta we do now?	Sissy Clark, 190 Riverside Dr., apartment 3C.  Tomorrow.  She's a nursing student.  Paying her way as a cocktail waitress at the Peppermint Lounge, on west 63rd.  Left work at two A M...killed in her apartment, between two thirty and five.
-Got it.	Dad, I think I may be able to get you enough information to make sure the DA can nail this bastard.
-Dad, I think I may be able to get you enough information to make sure the DA can nail this bastard.	How?
-How?	Coupla days ago they dug up a body in Washington Heights - Mary Finelli.  Girl disappeared in '68.  Turns out she was his first kill.  Which means he probably knew her.  Most serials know their first victim.  I'm gonna do some checking - see if I can put any of this together...
-Coupla days ago they dug up a body in Washington Heights - Mary Finelli.  Girl disappeared in '68.  Turns out she was his first kill.  Which means he probably knew her.  Most serials know their first victim.  I'm gonna do some checking - see if I can put any of this together...	All right, I'm with you.  I just hope we know what the hell we're doing.
-Tell me something good, Chief.  Tell me about the future.	Well they found out cigarettes give you lung cancer.
-What else, John.  It must be different, huh?  Are people living on the moon?	Didn't happen, we got enough problems down here.
-Didn't happen, we got enough problems down here.	What are we like in...1998?
-What are we like in...1998?	We're okay...we're good, Dad.
-We're okay...we're good, Dad.	Hey, what about the Amazin's?  They pull it off?
-Hey, what about the Amazin's?  They pull it off?	You really wanna know?
-You really wanna know?	Yeah, you betcha.
-Yeah, you betcha.	Well, game five was the big one.  It turned in the bottom of the 6th.  We were down 3-0.  Cleon Jones gets hit on the foot - left a scuff mark on the ball. Clendenon comes up.  The count goes to 2 2.  High fastball.  He nailed it.  Weis slammed a solo shot in the 7th to tie. Jones and Swoboda scored in the 8th.  We won, Pop.
-Well, game five was the big one.  It turned in the bottom of the 6th.  We were down 3-0.  Cleon Jones gets hit on the foot - left a scuff mark on the ball. Clendenon comes up.  The count goes to 2 2.  High fastball.  He nailed it.  Weis slammed a solo shot in the 7th to tie. Jones and Swoboda scored in the 8th.  We won, Pop.	Wow.
-Hang on a sec, John.	You there?
-John, say hello to my wife...Julia.	H-hi.
-John, you still there?	I'm right here, Dad.
-I'm right here, Dad.	You all right?
-You all right?	Yeah, I think so...
-Yeah, I think so...	Don't worry, Chief.  I'm not gonna let anything happen to her...no matter what.
-He killed her John.  He killed her and I didn't do a thing to stop it.	It's not your fault, Dad.
-It's not your fault, Dad.	Yes it is...we did this.  We changed everything.  I've been having bad dreams, Johnny. Dreams where I die...in the fire.  I was supposed to die in that warehouse.
-Yes it is...we did this.  We changed everything.  I've been having bad dreams, Johnny. Dreams where I die...in the fire.  I was supposed to die in that warehouse.	No.
-This is wrong...it's like we cheated...	I know...  But Dad, you can't go back.  You didn't die in that fire.  And no matter what you do, nothing is gonna change that.  So all we can do is deal with this...and try to make it right.
-I know...  But Dad, you can't go back.  You didn't die in that fire.  And no matter what you do, nothing is gonna change that.  So all we can do is deal with this...and try to make it right.	I don't think I can.  I'm not a cop.  I can't.   I can't stop this guy.
-I don't think I can.  I'm not a cop.  I can't.   I can't stop this guy.	But we can, we can do it together. Spirit and guts, remember?
-But we can, we can do it together. Spirit and guts, remember?	Johnny, I know, but...
-I need you to believe in me.  To believe that we can do this.	John, he's got my driver's license.
-John, he's got my driver's license.	What?
-What?	He took my driver's license, John, he knows where we live.
-He took my driver's license, John, he knows where we live.	He took your wallet?
-He took your wallet?	No, he tossed the wallet, but he kept the license.
-No, he tossed the wallet, but he kept the license.	He touched your wallet!  Where's your wallet?
-He touched your wallet!  Where's your wallet?	In my pocket.
-In my pocket.	We got him!  Dad you got him!
-We got him!  Dad you got him!	What?
-What?	His prints.  You've got his prints.  I'll run them through criminal index.  You gotta get me that wallet.
-His prints.  You've got his prints.  I'll run them through criminal index.  You gotta get me that wallet.	How the hell am I gonna do that?
-How the hell am I gonna do that?	Listen to me, very carefully, take your wallet out, just touch it on the corners.
-Listen to me, very carefully, take your wallet out, just touch it on the corners.	What...
-What...	Please, Dad, just do it.
-Please, Dad, just do it.	Okay, okay...
-I got it.	Right, now I need you to tape it up on the outside, where he touched it, so the prints keep.
-Right, now I need you to tape it up on the outside, where he touched it, so the prints keep.	Huh?
-It's gonna work, Dad.  We're gonna stop him.	Hang on.
-You're telling me this maniac is a cop? What the hell am I supposed to do with that one?	Call the FBI.  Use a pay phone.  Don't give 'em your name, Dad.  Just tell 'em that it was Shepard who killed Finelli and Clark and the others.  That he's the Nightingale.
-What are you doing here, Satch?  You off today?	Dad, you there?
-Dad, what the hell is going on?	Just a minute, John...okay?  Don't go away.
-John, you there?	Yeah, Dad.  What the hell is going on?
-Yeah, Dad.  What the hell is going on?	Satch is busting me for Sissy Clark's murder.  John...
-I'm here, Dad.  I'm here.	We did it, John.  We stopped him.
-Wait.  Something's wrong.  I don't...	What's wrong?
-What's wrong?	I don't remember.  Why don't I remember?
-I'm not your uncle, kid.  Gordo, what are you doing here?	Sully!  Is that you?
-Hey, Sull.  My cable's out again.	What the hell is that smell?
-Hey, OK if Gordy uses your old gear?	I think it's somewhere in the closet... if you can find it.
-Sull!  What the hell!	I talked to him Gordo.  I talked to my Dad.
-C'mon, man.  Get inside.  I'll come over. We'll play some Nintendo.	No.  I gotta tell him the address, so he doesn't go in.
-No.  I gotta tell him the address, so he doesn't go in.	Go in where?
-Go in where?	The warehouse.  Buxton seeds.  It's tomorrow.
-The warehouse.  Buxton seeds.  It's tomorrow.	I know pal.  I remember.  Twenty-nine years tomorrow.
-How you feeling?	Better.
-John.  John, you all right?	Longbranch...?
-Longbranch...?	What?
-My father didn't die in a fire?	Huh?
-Huh?	My father didn't die in a fire?
-My father didn't die in a fire?	Fire?  What are you talking about?  He had cancer, John.
-Fire?  What are you talking about?  He had cancer, John.	Cancer.  It was the cigarettes.  Right? The cigarettes?
-Cancer.  It was the cigarettes.  Right? The cigarettes?	Yeah, lung cancer.  Ten years ago.
-Huh?	The Ham radio.  That's how come he didn't die in the fire.
-This is the Space Cowboy.  I'm an intergalactic traveler from the Federation planet earth.	Gordo?
-Gordo?	How'd you know my name, mister?
-I better give you my address then.	Oh don't worry kid, I know where you live.  Now I want you to go upstairs and write this down, buy Yahoo. You got that Space Cowboy.  Y-a-h-o-o. It's a magic word and I never want you to forget it.
-Oh don't worry kid, I know where you live.  Now I want you to go upstairs and write this down, buy Yahoo. You got that Space Cowboy.  Y-a-h-o-o. It's a magic word and I never want you to forget it.	You got a deal, mister.  I mean Santa.
-Don't choke on your pride, Sull.  You ain't ever gonna catch another one like that.	She made up her mind.  Nothin' I do is gonna change it.
-She made up her mind.  Nothin' I do is gonna change it.	Nothing you're willing to do.
-You're not looking too good.	Whoa, I just...I just...
-Maybe you outta lay off a little...	Gordo, I wasn't dreaming.  I talked to him, it was real.
-Another rough night, huh?  That it?	Yeah.  That's it.
-This is getting real old, John.  And I'm tired up to here with it...	I'm sorry.  I just...you know...I...
-I'm sorry.  I just...you know...I...	And I'm tired of the I'm sorrys.  I don't need 'em.  What I need is a partner I can count on.  I care about you.  Not cause of me and your old man.  Not cause of your mom. But because of you.
-She makes ten.	Ten?  No.  I remember this case.  Three. He killed three women.
-Ten?  No.  I remember this case.  Three. He killed three women.	What're you talking'?  You know better than anybody, John.  You've read this file a thousand times.
-That's what we need here, Satch.  A lucky break.	That wasn't luck, Johnny boy.  That was smarts and ten plus on the job.
-Our lucky break.  Mario ID'd the dental. Mary Finelli...reported missing April 16, 1968.	April 16...?  That means she was the first.
-April 16...?  That means she was the first.	Which means he probably knew her.
-Which means he probably knew her.	This case just got hot.  We pull on this string...
-Okay, lemme walk you through it.	Mind if I shake it off first...so's I can concentrate better.
-I ran him through BCI...got a hit. Busted for sexual assault: March 22, 1970.  Eight days after the last Nightingale murder.	So you figure the murders stop 'cause he's off the street.  Then by the time he gets paroled, he's smartened up enough to control himself?
-So you figure the murders stop 'cause he's off the street.  Then by the time he gets paroled, he's smartened up enough to control himself?	Not the first time that's been true.  I'm telling you, I got a feeling about this guy.  This is the guy, Satch.
-Not the first time that's been true.  I'm telling you, I got a feeling about this guy.  This is the guy, Satch.	Uh, huh.
-Uh, huh.	What?
-What?	I'm just trying to figure what interests me more: the possibility that Daryl is the guy, or you making him absolutely the guy.
-Got a minute?	Yeah.  Sure.
-He ain't our guy, John.	Just cause he didn't want to look at the photos doesn't mean he isn't the doer. Not everyone fits the profile.
-Hi, this is Julia.  Please leave a message after the tone.	Hey, Ma, it's me.  Checking in.  Probably at work.  Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow night.  Love you.
-I thought it'd be nicer to eat here.	Sounds good.
-Sounds good.	I'm sorry Sam couldn't make it.
-I'm sorry Sam couldn't make it.	Yeah, those grad school applications are driving her crazy.
-I'm sure everything'll work out.  She really loves you...	So how are things at the hospital?
-So how are things at the hospital?	Fine.  You know Dr. Schwartz retired last month?
-Fine.  You know Dr. Schwartz retired last month?	No kidd'n, he musta been pushing 90!
-No kidd'n, he musta been pushing 90!	Close.
-So how'd you like LION KING?	Oh, I loved it.  I wish you'd gone.
-Oh, I loved it.  I wish you'd gone.	I know.  I'm sorry.  Work.
-I know.  I'm sorry.  Work.	You work too hard, John.
-You work too hard, John.	Look who's talking.
-Hey, future boy.  Frank tells me you're a cop?	Yeah, that's right.
-My six year-old here keeps telling me he wants to be a policeman.  Right after he retires from the majors.  We just gave him a badge and a whistle for his birthday.	Yeah...I remember.  I used to play cops and robbers but y-- ...my mom wouldn't let me have a toy gun.
-Yeah...I remember.  I used to play cops and robbers but y-- ...my mom wouldn't let me have a toy gun.	You're mom sounds like she's got some smarts.
-You're mom sounds like she's got some smarts.	She's pretty special.
-She's pretty special.	Are you a good cop, John?
-Are you a good cop, John?	I try to be.
-I try to be.	Then I'll bet she's real proud of you, huh?
-Then I'll bet she's real proud of you, huh?	Yeah.  I just wish I'd told her how proud I was of her.
-Yeah.  I just wish I'd told her how proud I was of her.	I'm sorry.  I didn't realize...  But she knew, John.  A mother knows what's in her son's heart.
-"Just came by to wrap up over there. Thought I'd say ""hello."""	Glad you did.  Come on in.  Buy you a cup of coffee?
-Wife around?	No.  No.  Well, sort of.  In my heart. Been dead 29 years.
-No.  No.  Well, sort of.  In my heart. Been dead 29 years.	Oh.  Sorry.  How so?
-You used to be on the job?	Yeah, long time ago.  I know you?
-Yeah, long time ago.  I know you?	I look familiar?
-I look familiar?	No.  What house you work?
-The 2-3.  Homicide.	A hot shot, huh?
-A hot shot, huh?	Nah, just working the job.
-Nah, just working the job.	I hear that.
-I hear that.	As a matter of fact, I caught a case that goes back to your day...one of the Nightingale murders.
-No kiddin'?	No.  Missing teenager.  Disappeared thirty years ago.  Found her bones last week.  Buried behind some old diner, up by Dyckman street.  Mary Finelli.
-Huh.	Talk about dumb luck.  Odds of anybody finding that girl, thirty years later. And then the chances of hitting a dental...forget about it.  Bets part is she's the first victim.  She knew the doer.  I'm betting those bones are gonna do a lot of talking.
-Who are you?	I'm the train wreck you didn't see coming.  And I'm gonna steal your life away.  You went down 30 years ago.  You just don't know it yet.
-Hell-	You have the right to remain silent.  If you give up that right...
-Who the fuck is this?	Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
-Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.	Sullivan?
-Sullivan?	You have the right to speak to an att --
-You have the right to speak to an att --	Fuck you, asshole.
-Fuck you, asshole.	It's a small world, Carl.  And I'm gonna find you.  Real soon.
-My name is Abel.  And I am my brother's keeper.	Where are you going?
-Where are you going?	Going?  How do you mean?
-Going?  How do you mean?	I mean, is there any place in particular where we can drop you off?
-I mean, is there any place in particular where we can drop you off?	Drop me off?  How do you mean?
-What is that?	"I found this today.  There were other pieces of the body lying there, but I believe ""he"" wanted me to have this..."
-"I found this today.  There were other pieces of the body lying there, but I believe ""he"" wanted me to have this..."	That's an eyeball!  Oh, God!
-That's an eyeball!  Oh, God!	"""He"" wanted me to warn you.  Look at this, all of you!"
-Dammit Shelly!  Why do you always have to be such an asshole!	I beg your pardon, I'm not an asshole.  I'm an actor.
-I beg your pardon, I'm not an asshole.  I'm an actor.	Same thing.
-Look Shelly, you're my roommate and I like you... most of the time.  But you gotta stop doing these things.  Now, I set this date up for you, didn't I?  So don't embarrass me.  When you meet this woman, just relax and be yourself.	Would you be yourself...  ...if you looked this this?
-No more... I can't!	Yes, you can.  Come on, Shelly!
-Who brought up this bright idea?	We were looking for something to keep our hands busy.  It was either this or an orgy.  Vera chose this.  What're ya gonna do?
-... One thousand twelve... one thousand thirteen... one thousand fourteen... What's the World's Record for this?	According to the Guinness Book, you passed the World's Record several whacks ago.
-According to the Guinness Book, you passed the World's Record several whacks ago.	I did?!  I broke the world's record.
-You're all just jealous.	Actually, I have no idea what the World's Record is.  I was just kidding.
-What're you gonna do?	Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
-So what would a weekend in the country be without sex?	Cool it, Andy.
-Cool it, Andy.	I didn't mean it the way it sounded...
-Breakfast?	No way.  We're pregnant.  Remember?
-What was that?	Where's Shelly?
-Why don't we go take a swim?	I don't know...
-I don't know...	We'd be all alone.  We could do anything we wanted and nobody would see.
-We'd be all alone.  We could do anything we wanted and nobody would see.	Sounds disgusting.  Let's go.
-What're you doing?	We haven't looked in the barn, yet.  Let's take a look.
-We haven't looked in the barn, yet.  Let's take a look.	Not now.  I'm cold.
-How about a roll in the hay?	You can play with yourself, 'cause I'm going in the house.
-How about you and I whacking a couple of balls around?	If you insist.
-How do we do it?	First we take off our clothes, then you get on top of me or I get on top of you...
-First we take off our clothes, then you get on top of me or I get on top of you...	I know how to do it.  I mean, how do we do it in the hammock?
-Think you can figure it out?	I'll think of something.
-That was the best yet.  Was it you... me... or the hammock?	I vote for me.
-I vote for me.	I vote for the hammock.
-What're you doin'?	"I think it's called ""a shower"". You might try it sometime."
-"I think it's called ""a shower"". You might try it sometime."	You're too clean for me.
-Hey Deb... can you hear me?	Barely.
-Barely.	I'm going downstairs to get a beer. You want one?
-I'm going downstairs to get a beer. You want one?	What?
-Do you want a beer or not?	Sure.
-Destroy the evidence?  No, man!	Yes, man!
-I'm gonna be sicker than all of you, man.  Now I gotta spend the whole weekend totally straight...  I don't think I can make it, man!	Chuck... look.
-I'm a slow eater.	I love you, man!
-It's dark down there.	That's the way it is, man. Cellars are dark.
-That's the way it is, man. Cellars are dark.	And Hell is hot, but I ain't goin' down there either.
-Maybe we should do some exercise.	This is all the exercise I need...
-I can't find the bong anywhere. Can't you remember where you dropped it?	I can't even remember what day it is, man.
-I can't even remember what day it is, man.	It's Friday the 13th.
-What's the matter?!	Nothin'.  I was just foolin' around.
-Nothin'.  I was just foolin' around.	Don't do that to me!
-Here.  Go down the cellar and check the fusebox.	Will you come with me?
-Will you come with me?	Be a man, man.
-Which one is it?	It's the last house on the left. She lives downstairs.
-I appreciate the fact that you worry about me, but don't.	Okay, we won't.  We'll just have fun, all agreed?
-What are they saying?	I don't know.  I flunked Spanish.
-Come on down!	You go ahead...
-What's this?	Your bed.
-Your bed.	A hammock?
-A hammock?	Have you ever made love in a hammock?
-Derek... stop.	Why?
-You know what I've been through. Don't ever scare me like that.	I'm sorry.  I just wanted to surprise you.  What can I say?
-I'm sorry.  I just wanted to surprise you.  What can I say?	"You can say... ""Hello, how are you?""... for starters."
-"You can say... ""Hello, how are you?""... for starters."	Hello.  How are you?
-You haven't changed a bit.  Always so sure of yourself.  Even when we were kids, when you wanted something, nothing could stop you.	Is that so bad?
-Is that so bad?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	You're irresistible.  I lose control.
-You're irresistible.  I lose control.	Just slow down.  Let me get to know you again.  Let me get to know this place again.
-Just slow down.  Let me get to know you again.  Let me get to know this place again.	Okay.  There's a whole weekend ahead of us.  There's time.
-This door was open just a minute ago, wasn't it?	What?
-What?	Nothing.
-Look what I found.  Remember these?	Did you stay here last night?
-Did you stay here last night?	No.  I got here just before you did.
-No.  I got here just before you did.	Somebody was in here.
-Somebody was in here.	Goldilocks and the Three Bears?
-Goldilocks and the Three Bears?	I'm serious.  Doesn't this look a little strange to you?
-Shelly!  Where are you?!	Are you all right, Shelly?
-Let's spread out and check all the rooms.  Outside, too.  You stay with me.	No.  I can look around by myself. I'll take the upstairs.
-This is too painful to look at.	Why don't we drive over to the cove and watch the sunset.  It'll mellow you out.
-You know, I'm not sure I could live anywhere else.  The nights are always so peaceful and quiet.	It's deceiving.
-It's deceiving.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	The quiet can fool you.  It fooled me.  You can never be sure of what's out there.
-Why did you come back here?	... To prove something to myself... to prove I'm stronger than I think I am.
-... To prove something to myself... to prove I'm stronger than I think I am.	And, what about us?
-And, what about us?	I'm here with you.  Can't that be enough for now?
-I'm here with you.  Can't that be enough for now?	I don't know.  I don't see you for months on end, and when I do, you put this wall between us.  How do I break through?
-I don't know.  I don't see you for months on end, and when I do, you put this wall between us.  How do I break through?	I'm trying.  I'm really trying.
-What happened that night?	You promised you'd never ask me.
-You promised you'd never ask me.	After you left me that night, I didn't see you or talk to you again for a year.  No one would tell me anything.  All I know is what the police told me.  We have nowhere to go unless you let me in.  What happened?
-When you dropped me off at the house, it was very late.  My parents were waiting up for me. As soon as I got in the door, they starting yelling and cursing at me.  I was so upset... I told them I slept with you.  My mothers slapped me.  That was the first time she'd ever hit me.  I couldn't believe it.  I ran out of the house and into the woods as fast and as far as I could run. I was crying.  They had destroyed the most beautiful night of my life and I wanted to punish them for that.  I decided to hide out all night.  They'd be so worried that they'd be sorry for what they did to me.  The woods were cold and damp from the rain.  I found a dry spot under a rotted oak tree and I guess I fell asleep.  All I can remember next is being startled out of sleep by the sound of footsteps.  I thought it was my father so I hid behind the tree. But the footsteps just stopped. The woods were dark.  I couldn't see anything.  I heard a cracking noise behind me.  I turned around and... and... oh, God... there was this hideous looking man.  So grotesque he was almost inhuman.  He had a knife and he started to slash away at me, again and again.  I was so hysterical and I don't know how I was able to get away.  I ran and ran, but he kept coming.  He was big but so fast.  He caught me and pulled me down to the ground and he... he... ripped my blouse off. I was screaming, but who could hear me?  Then... oh, God... he dragged me by the hair along the ground.  I was kicking and yelling.  He dragged me deeper and deeper into the woods.  Oh, please... please...	It's all right, you're all right. I'm with you.
-Could we move a little faster?	Sure, just watch where you're going.
-You know him?	Sort of.
-Hi.	You're Shelly?
-You're Shelly?	I'm sorry.
-What d'ya got in there?	My whole world.
-My whole world.	In that little thing?
-In that little thing?	Stick around and you'll see.
-What are we gonna do?	Destroy the evidence, Pronto!
-Faster!  Eat faster!	Why don't you help us?
-Why don't you help us?	Uh... I guess I'm just not hungry.
-That scarecrow?  Can't you tell how weird his is just by looking at him.	Come on, Shelly.  Who else is gonna give him a lift?
-Come on, Shelly.  Who else is gonna give him a lift?	Not us!  He's really creepy.
-Is... is everything all right?	Everything's gonna be fine.
-Everything's gonna be fine.	Excuse me, but I believe that's mine...
-Please... be cool.	May be please have the wallet.
-Are they following us?	Yes.
-Yes.	Gulp!
-See anything?	"Just a dirty window.  Next time, I'll know how to handle a situation like that.  Let's just hope that ""next time"" isn't too soon."
-"Just a dirty window.  Next time, I'll know how to handle a situation like that.  Let's just hope that ""next time"" isn't too soon."	Stop worrying.  I don't think they'll bother to come after us.
-I don't see anything.	Keep looking.
-Got any good ideas?	Maybe.
-This is no time to celebrate!	Just keep your eyes on the road.
-What're you doing?	"No time to explain.  Just listen. When I yell ""stop,"" you jam on the brakes as hard as you can.  Okay?"
-"No time to explain.  Just listen. When I yell ""stop,"" you jam on the brakes as hard as you can.  Okay?"	You're the boss.
-Bullseye!	Stop the car!  Now!!
-This has been on helluva beginning to a quiet weekend in the country.	Look at it this way... things can only get better... Right?
-We had a slight misunderstanding with that motorcycle gang...  ... but Shelly made them see the error of their ways.	It was nothing.
-We're really sorry, but it wasn't our fault.	A few minor repairs and it'll be as good as new.
-Vera... you and I have had a chance to really get to know one another today.  I like you... very much.  I was thinking that maybe.	Don't say any more.
-You've just learned a valuable lesson.  A beautiful girl like you should never go out in the dark alone.	Damn you, Shelly!
-Why do you do these stupid things?!	I have to.
-I have to.	"You don't ""have to."""
-"You don't ""have to."""	I just want you to like me.
-I just want you to like me.	I do like you.  But not when you act like a jerk.
-I do like you.  But not when you act like a jerk.	Being a jerk is better than being nothing.
-Being a jerk is better than being nothing.	"I never said you were ""nothing""."
-"I never said you were ""nothing""."	You don't to say it.  I can tell.
-You don't to say it.  I can tell.	You're wrong.
-I thought that was the end of the song.	Great.  Just great.
-If this thing is burned out, friggin' Horace will ground my butt.	Who's Horace?
-Who's Horace?	My friggin' stepfather and asshole- in-residence.
-What?	Go out and plug the cord back in.
-Go out and plug the cord back in.	What?  Who pulled it out?!
-Will you hurry up!  I gotta get this fuckmobile back before Horace finds out I took it.	Alright, alright.
-That's it.  Pull over.  I'm drivin'.	No way...  ...I wanna rock!
-Will you slow down?  It's hard enough to read this thing.	Well, who told me to take this cow path?
-Well, who told me to take this cow path?	"You admit the sign did say ""Camp Forest Green,"" with an arrow pointing this way."
-"You admit the sign did say ""Camp Forest Green,"" with an arrow pointing this way."	I admit nothing without talking to my lawyer.
-Darren, we better turn around.	Why?
-Why?	Why?  Because I've seen enough horror movies to know masked weirdos are never friendly.
-Yeah... We're gonna scare him.	We're gonna scare him?!
-That's right.  Just drive toward him.  He'll move.  Nobody wants to die.	That's a freakin' fact.  Least of all us.
-That's a freakin' fact.  Least of all us.	Just drive.  He'll get out of our way.
-Oh, jeez.	That's it.  We're driving this baby back to town... in reverse.
-Don't worry about it.  Just stay cool.	Stay cool?  You ain't Dirty Harry. Now stop it.
-It's kinda frightening to think that a kid like that can go so far over the edge.  Jason really screwed up the poor sonofabitch's mind.	He really believes Jason's still alive, doesn't he?
-He really believes Jason's still alive, doesn't he?	But that's no what worries me the most...It's how far he'll go to try and prove it.
-I'm getting real tired of this maniac.	Maybe we better call that psychiatric clinic.
-Maybe we better call that psychiatric clinic.	Better call an ambulance first.
-Is that all you found?	I wish it was.
-Better get out the Hefty Bags... Looks like our boy desperately wants us to believe his story.	He sure chose the right day to pull this shit.
-He sure chose the right day to pull this shit.	Whaddya mean?
-Whaddya mean?	Happy Friday the 13th.
-You just sit tight, Jason.  Once the authorities from Carpenter get here, you'll...	Sheriff, you better take this.
-....with a woman's touch.	Now wait a second!  I thought Burt shot you.
-Now wait a second!  I thought Burt shot you.	See any paint?...  ...Sorry, guys, I did in Mr. Commando.  Survival is the name of the game, and that flag is mine.
-Come on, you guys!  The game's over!!	You don't know for sure.  What about Roy?  Nobody's seen him.
-You don't know for sure.  What about Roy?  Nobody's seen him.	Of course not.  If he hasn't already accidentally pelleted himself, I'm sure he's lost.
-Of course not.  If he hasn't already accidentally pelleted himself, I'm sure he's lost.	Yeah, but the game's not over until it's over.
-Ahh, nothing.	I could swear I heard...
-Once we nail Roy, that's it. Victory is ours.	This is taking forever.  I'm starving.
-This is taking forever.  I'm starving.	That's your problem, Larry. That's why your sales are always below quota.  Your instinct to eat is stronger than your instinct to win.
-That's your problem, Larry. That's why your sales are always below quota.  Your instinct to eat is stronger than your instinct to win.	My ass.
-My ass.	Yeah, that's fat too.
-You become a whole other person when you're out here, Stan.  And I don't like it.	This is a man's game.  Requiring a man's cunning and intelligence...
-Never should've let her play.	It's a damn company executive game, and she's a damn company exec.
-Come on, Dad.  You could have Rick drive down Cunningham Road and look for them.	Megan, my deputies have more important things to do than look for camp counselors with car trouble.
-Jason who?	Megan, get away from him.  He's dangerous.
-But, Dad, we...	Megan, take your friends back to the camp.  I'll let you know if I hear anything about your counselors.
-When are you going to stop treating me like one!	When you stop acting like one... Tommy Jarvis is a very sick boy. And you...
-When you stop acting like one... Tommy Jarvis is a very sick boy. And you...	How do you know?  Did you take his temperature?
-How do you know?  Did you take his temperature?	You watch that smart-mouthing, young lady.
-What it is?	Not what...who.  Seems your boyfriend wants people to believe Jason has returned.
-Not what...who.  Seems your boyfriend wants people to believe Jason has returned.	I thought Jason was only a legend?
-I thought Jason was only a legend?	He is.  Only Tommy wants to prove the legend is true...  ...You stay put.  And I'm not kidding.
-...And I said, shut up!	All he's asking is for you to check it out.
-Can't you at least call the camp and make sure everything's all right?	We have!  Trying to track you down.  The phone there is disconnected.
-Rick.  Keep and eye on our wacko kid.  I'll be back as soon as I can.	Daddy, what is going on?
-Daddy, what is going on?	And make sure my daughter stays put...  ...She's grounded.
-No.  No, it's not...	Yes, Megan.  Tommy Jarvis is a killer.  A very deranged boy who wants you to believe that...
-Yeah, hi.  Listen, I've got to talk to your dad.  About Jason. I've got a plan.  I need to buy some things first but mainly need help to...	Tommy, my father is out looking for you right now.  Something happened tonight and he's sure you're responsible.  If he finds you, he'll...
-Tommy, my father is out looking for you right now.  Something happened tonight and he's sure you're responsible.  If he finds you, he'll...	I already have a very good idea what could've happened...  ...Megan, Jason is out there.  He has to be stopped.  I'm positive he's heading back to the lake area.  He'll keep killing until...
-What?	Hide it behind the gas station. Then we can get the hell out of here.
-Didn't you say you needed some supplies to do this?	Uh...yes.  But...
-Uh...yes.  But...	Then let's get goin'.  We can argue on the way.  You tell me what you need...  ...I'll make sure you get in.
-You got it.  Just keep an eye out for roadblocks.	Okay.  There's one.
-It's all over.	It's just beginning.
-So what are ya drawin'?	What's it to ya?
-There...Ya happy?	No.
-No.	Why?
-Why?	'Cause it stinks.
-Okay, give it back.	Come and get it.
-Sorry, Megan.  Not this time.	Wait a minute. I just...
-Wait a minute. I just...	I thank you for getting me out. But I gotta finish what I started.
-Are you sure this is gonna work? I mean, why didn't we bring that gun and just blast him away?	It probably wouldn't have any effect on him.  The only sure way to stop Jason is to return him to his original resting place, where he drowned in 1957.
-It probably wouldn't have any effect on him.  The only sure way to stop Jason is to return him to his original resting place, where he drowned in 1957.	Lake Forest Green?
-Lake Forest Green?	Crystal Lake...where the nightmare began.
-They did show up.  Isn't that great?	I hope so.
-Whew...Okay, hand me those padlocks.	Did you hear me?!
-Did you hear me?!	Yes.  And I said, hand me those padlocks.
-So what happened?	There was this monster.  He was after me.  He wanted to kill me.
-You mean you had a bad dream.	No, he was real.  Like on TV.
-Okay, listen...what's your name, sweetie?	Nancy.
-Nancy.	Well, Nancy, I'm Paula... remember?  This is Sissy, and we're gonna be right out there all night so nothing can hurt you. Okay?...
-...Good.  So no more bad dreams can come around here, huh?	No more.
-Where'd you get this?	I found it outside.
-You know what?  Sissy and Cort are playing jokes.  You know, trying to scare each other.	Why?
-Why?	Well, grown-ups think it's funny to be scared.
-Well, grown-ups think it's funny to be scared.	Are they grown-ups?
-Are they grown-ups?	That's debatable.
-That's debatable.	Huh?
-I can't believe no one called back.  I better...	Who ya calling?
-But what if they try and scare us?	We'll scare 'em right back.
-I'm sure Cort and Sissy are back in their cabins.  So you just go back to sleep and don't worry.	But what I get scared again?
-But what I get scared again?	Shhh...You know what I used to do when I was a little girl when I got scared?
-It's just that Darren and Lizbeth are in charge of organizing and setting up the new campgrounds.	All the little kids arrive today. We're not ready to deal with that alone.
-So where's Cort gone off to?	Are you ready?  He's taken our young men off to teach them my favorites sport.
-Are you ready?  He's taken our young men off to teach them my favorites sport.	Which is?
-Which is?	Boy scouting.
-Boy scouting.	You gotta be kidding!
-Okay, okay.  I suggest that the crime was committed in the bedroom, by Colonel Mustard, with the knife.	Huh?  Oh, come on, Sis.  I'm tellin' ya, we can't play Clue with just two people.
-Huh?  Oh, come on, Sis.  I'm tellin' ya, we can't play Clue with just two people.	Why not?  I used to play it alone. I love murder games.  Have you ever played The Consulting Detective?
-Why not?  I used to play it alone. I love murder games.  Have you ever played The Consulting Detective?	No...Did Megan say when she's coming back from her...visit?
-No...Did Megan say when she's coming back from her...visit?	Of course not.  She probably took him a loaf of bread with a saw hidden in it.  I still don't get it.  Why him?  I mean, he's cute alright, but...
-Hi.  Everything's all right now. We're here.	Yeah, we're here.
-I just realized something. Where's Cort?  I haven't seen him for hours.	I don't know.  He called somebody, then took off.
-I don't know.  He called somebody, then took off.	He didn't say anything?
-He didn't say anything?	"Yeah, he was gonna check out ""things that go bump in the night."""
-What's goin' on?	I think somebody's messin' around out there.
-Now you better cool out a minute, boy.  You already almost got your head blown to pieces.	Will you listen, dammit!
-Will you listen, dammit!	Don't piss me off, junior.  Or I will repaint this office with your brains.
-Jason is alive.  We dug up his body.  I was gonna cremate it and...	Hold it.  Whoa... What's your name, son?
-Hold it.  Whoa... What's your name, son?	Tommy Jarvis.  We gotta do something.  He's even more powerful now that...
-Aren't you the kid whose mother and friends were....	Yeah.  Jason murdered them and...
-Yeah.  Jason murdered them and...	And you've been at some psychiatric clinic ever since, haven't you?
-And you've been at some psychiatric clinic ever since, haven't you?	Yes, but they released me because...
-No problem, Rick.  Come over and meet a former resident here, Tommy Jarvis.  He's got some kinda prank going about...	There's no time for this bullshit...
-Why didn't you cremate him?!	They were gonna!  But some asshole sent a lot of money to give Jason and his mother a decent burial. Now look, you just lie down and get some rest.  In the morning I'll call that clinic and see if they...
-If you'd just go to the cemetery, you'll see I'm not lying.	Either you go to sleep or I'll come in there and put you out.
-Either you go to sleep or I'll come in there and put you out.	You're gonna be sorry you didn't listen to me.
-You're gonna be sorry you didn't listen to me.	You're gonna be sorry if you don't shut the fuck up.
-I sympathize with you kids.  The best I can do is call the station in Carpenter and have them keep a lookout for them.	I got a bad feeling of what might've happened to them.
-Yes!	No!...  ... You kids better leave.  This boy here is not well and I need to talk to him in private.
-I was going to call the clinic and have them collect your ass.  But I don't want you around here any longer poisoning my daughter, or anyone else, with your warped mind.	But they have to be warned, Sheriff.  Jason will return to the area that's familiar.  No matter what you call it, it's still Camp Crystal Lake to him.
-I gotta show you Jason's grave.	I've seen it.
-I've seen it.	Please, Sheriff.  You'll see we dug it up.
-Don't concern yourself, Martin. This boy needs treatment.  We're taking care of it.  Sorry for the disturbance.	Jason's not in his coffin!  Hawes is!  Dig it up!  You gotta dig it up!!
-With extreme car, for God's sake. If that kid is with her, there's every good chance he'll do something crazy.	Please don't do anything crazy.
-You got me where you want me. There's no reason not...	If I had you where I really wanted you, they'd be pumping your ass full of formaldehyde.
-Doesn't that tell you something?!	Yeah...They should've paid their bill.
-Mr. Duke, how can you claim that Jason Voorhees is not truly dead?	How many times has Jason been reported killed before, Mr. Campbell?
-How many times has Jason been reported killed before, Mr. Campbell?	Eight times.
-Eight times.	Eight times.  They've burned him, dipped him in nuclear waste --
-Eight times.  They've burned him, dipped him in nuclear waste --	-- But this time they bombed him and then cremated the body.
--- But this time they bombed him and then cremated the body.	They coulda danced a jig on it an' fed it to goats -- don't matter.  Ya' can't kill Jason by gettin' rid of his body.  He'll come back the way he always do, to drag the kiddies into the darkness and crush their little skulls -- maybe even your skull, Mr. Campbell.
-Well, let's hope not!	Yeah, that'd be a big shame...
-"In the media, you've frequently been described as ""salty"" --"	-- look, just shut up.  Let's cut through the shit.  You asked me here because you want me to catch and kill Jason Voorhees for ya'.  I'll do it, but it won't be easy...and it won't be cheap.  One hundred grand, non- negotiable.
--- look, just shut up.  Let's cut through the shit.  You asked me here because you want me to catch and kill Jason Voorhees for ya'.  I'll do it, but it won't be easy...and it won't be cheap.  One hundred grand, non- negotiable.	I understand.  However, our audience should be aware that you only charged forty thousand dollars to catch the Idaho skin stretcher.
-I understand.  However, our audience should be aware that you only charged forty thousand dollars to catch the Idaho skin stretcher.	Skin stretcher was human.
-Mr. Duke tonight I'm prepared to offer you your sum of one hundred thousand dollars, payable only after you provide American Casefile with incontrovertible proof of --	-- yeah, yeah, yeah.  You just have your hundred grand ready.  For that you get the machete...the mask...the whole damn thing.
-Diana -- you heard from Jessica lately?	Yes.
-...but there just may not be enough time.  If you still care about her, if you still want to try to make things better between you two...we should talk.	So let's talk.
-So let's talk.	No.  Not here.  Come by my house tonight at eleven.  Don't be late.
-You have to...save...Jessica... Save Jessica and save the...	The what?
-The what?	Save your...
-Steven...	I'm here.
-I'm here.	I'm scared.  I'm very scared.
-Anything else?	Yes.
-I know who you are.	I need to talk to you.
-I need to talk to you.	I'm kind of busy right now...
-I'm kind of busy right now...	I'm going to kill Jason Voorhees -- and I need you to help me.
-I'm going to kill Jason Voorhees -- and I need you to help me.	Jason Voorhees is dead.
-Jason Voorhees is dead.	You know he's not...and he's coming for you.
-You know he's not...and he's coming for you.	You food'll be right out.
-No, I --	Twenty.
-Twenty.	Look --
-Look --	Thirty.  Name your price.  Everyone has a price, what's yours?
-Thirty.  Name your price.  Everyone has a price, what's yours?	Look, I don't want your money!
-Look, I don't want your money!	Then maybe I should offer it to your daughter...
-What do you want?	You know what I want.  You know why I need you.
-You know what I want.  You know why I need you.	You need to leave.
-You need to leave.	I know everything about you, Diana.
-I know everything about you, Diana.	That's it, we're done.
-Everything going okay?	It's going.
-It's going.	Legs giving you trouble?
-Legs giving you trouble?	Not so bad, today.
-Steven buggin' you?	Do you have to ask?
-Ed...	Okay.  So how is Jessica?  You talked to her lately?
-Okay.  So how is Jessica?  You talked to her lately?	Yeah, she's good, considering. That kid just takes everything in stride.
-I gotta get back to work.	Okay, I'll call you later.
-What's the problem here?	N...nothing.
-Hello...	June the 19th.
-Jesus!	Sorry, Di.  I was just going to my car.  I didn't mean to frighten you...
-Sorry, Di.  I was just going to my car.  I didn't mean to frighten you...	It's...It's all right.
-Listen...don't you worry about Ed. He'll come around.  He's too good a Sheriff to let you give him the slip.	I'm just too old for going steady, Josh.
-I'm just too old for going steady, Josh.	So's he and he knows it.
-Everything'll work out.  Trust me on that.	Okay.
-Okay.	Good night, beautiful.
-Good night, beautiful.	'Night, Josh.
-Maybe you should be moving on.	Maybe you should mind your own business.
-Maybe you should mind your own business.	Get up!
-Get up!	Why don't you blow me, Chief.  After your girlfriend gets through.
-You're talking about my lady.	She's your lady only cause she ain't had a taste of the Duke yet.
-She's your lady only cause she ain't had a taste of the Duke yet.	Goddamnit!
-Careful, Chief.  I don't think you know who I am.	"I know who you are and the last thing we need around here is some freak show ""bounty hunter"" making trouble. I want you outta town and I want you outta town now!"
-"I know who you are and the last thing we need around here is some freak show ""bounty hunter"" making trouble. I want you outta town and I want you outta town now!"	That's very colorful, chief.
-That's very colorful, chief.	Take him to my car.  I'll be out in a minute.
-Where the fuck is she, Duke?!	That's what I'd like to know.
-Why did you want her body?	For a good reason.
-For a good reason.	Tell me.
-Tell me.	Sorry.
-Sorry.	Tell me!
-Tell me!	Information like that is very expensive and you don't have the balls to pay the price.
-Lock this asshole up.	You think you can lock me up in this piss-ass prison?  Hell, this place is motel fuckin' six to me.
-Jessica, I'm so sorry.  I...I wanted to have this cleaned up before you got here.	That's all right.  I was just...
-She's beautiful.	Her name's Stephanie.
-Her name's Stephanie.	She's yours?
-Why didn't you tell me?	I was going to, I was going to tell everyone.  I just...didn't expect to be back here so soon.  Is Steven around?
-Does he know about what happened?	Yeah.  Sit down a second.  There's something I need to tell you about Steven...
-Jesus, Steven, that's...that's really lovely.	I mean, how can you go through life without never having made a prank call?
-I mean, how can you go through life without never having made a prank call?	Hell, when Steven was a kid, he was like, having strippers delivered to church Bingos and shit.
-It was a community service.	Absolutely.  The church even sent me an autographed picture of God.  Ward!
-What are you doing?	Showing Vicki what she missed out on by being such a dull kid.  Now, the first thing you need in making a prank call is, of course, a phone.  This one, for instance.
-Showing Vicki what she missed out on by being such a dull kid.  Now, the first thing you need in making a prank call is, of course, a phone.  This one, for instance.	Steven, c'mon, we're not thirteen...
-Steven, c'mon, we're not thirteen...	Next, you dial a number.
-...and it's now ringing...ringing... and -- Hello? Anthony's Pizzeria? Yeah, this is officer Randy Parker over at the station.	Oh, c'mon, would you stop, please?
-Oh, c'mon, would you stop, please?	Is this Anthony?...Yeah, well, I just have one question for you, Anthony -- did you fuck my dog?
-Is this Anthony?...Yeah, well, I just have one question for you, Anthony -- did you fuck my dog?	Oh my God, Steven.
-Oh my God, Steven.	Yeah, well somebody fucked her and if I find out it was you, I'm gonna come over there and shoot you in the head.
-Yeah, well somebody fucked her and if I find out it was you, I'm gonna come over there and shoot you in the head.	I'm now begging you.
-I'm now begging you.	Listen, since I got you on the phone -- ask the guys there if they wanna chip in for a hooker.  I'll send her right over.  Her name is Vicki.
-Randy, you dipshit!  Take these off!	Sorry, I'm working now.  You see, I have a job...
-Sorry, I'm working now.  You see, I have a job...	Randy, c'mon!
-Randy, c'mon!	Have a good night.
-Wanna know how I did that?	Yeah...
-Yeah...	Gotta go.  See you guys later.
-Well?	I'm sorry.  I have to bring you to a cell.
-I'm sorry.  I have to bring you to a cell.	Are you crazy?!
-Are you crazy?!	I know, I know, I'm sorry but the Sheriff is just berserk right now. C'mon.
-I'll be back later.  You just be cool, okay.	Okay.
-Okay.	Don't do anything stupid.
-Don't do anything stupid.	What am I gonna do -- I'm locked up in a friggin' cell?!
-What am I gonna do -- I'm locked up in a friggin' cell?!	I'm gonna get your outta this.  Just hang tight.  Okay?
-I'm gonna get your outta this.  Just hang tight.  Okay?	Okay.
-Oh, my dear God...	He was dead.  He had to be dead...
-How many times do you want to hear this?	Until I hear the truth.
-Until I hear the truth.	I've told you the truth.
-I've told you the truth.	The truth?  That Josh, a man I've trusted with my own life on more than one occasion -- let me see if I've got the order right here -- tried to rape Diana...got the back of his head blown off...took a poker through the gut...fell through a plate glass window and then magically disappeared into the night.
-The truth?  That Josh, a man I've trusted with my own life on more than one occasion -- let me see if I've got the order right here -- tried to rape Diana...got the back of his head blown off...took a poker through the gut...fell through a plate glass window and then magically disappeared into the night.	I know what it sounds like.
-I know what it sounds like.	You don't know shit!
-You don't know shit!	I didn't kill her!
-I didn't kill her!	Then why were you at her house?!  She didn't want anything to do with you.
-Then why were you at her house?!  She didn't want anything to do with you.	She asked me to come over.  She said she had something to tell me.
-She asked me to come over.  She said she had something to tell me.	About what?
-About what?	About Jessica.
-About Jessica.	That's a lie.  Diana would never talk to you about Jessica.  Not after what you did to her.
-That's a lie.  Diana would never talk to you about Jessica.  Not after what you did to her.	Look, I know I treated her bad --
-Look, I know I treated her bad --	-- Bad?!
-You call what you did bad?!  You knocked her up and then left her!	No -- she left me!  After her miscarriage, I --
-No -- she left me!  After her miscarriage, I --	-- Miscarriage?!  Who the fuck told you Jessica had a miscarriage?!
--- Miscarriage?!  Who the fuck told you Jessica had a miscarriage?!	She did!
-My God...you are one sorry son-of-a- bitch.	She did have a miscarriage, didn't she?  Didn't she?!
-She did have a miscarriage, didn't she?  Didn't she?!	Oh, you stupid, sorry son-of-a- bitch...
-What do you mean you've never made a prank call?	Never.
-Never.	You mean never as in really never, or never as in it was just so stupid you don't want to tell us about it?
-You mean never as in really never, or never as in it was just so stupid you don't want to tell us about it?	I mean really never.
-I mean really never.	I'm sorry to hear that.  A famous man once said -- there is no worse regret then a temptation resisted.
-That's disgusting.	Disgusting?  Bingo night was sold out for six months after that!  They raised enough money to build a day care center.
-Steven!	She's a waitress at Joey B's but she needs some extra cash.  Ward's the pimp.
-She's a waitress at Joey B's but she needs some extra cash.  Ward's the pimp.	I'm literally going to kill you!
-I'm literally going to kill you!	Ten dollars! Hell, I can't do that to you -- you can have her for a pizza.
-Ten dollars! Hell, I can't do that to you -- you can have her for a pizza.	A pizza?!
-What's going on? I heard on the P.A. system that...	The Captain's been murdered. The buzz is that Jason might be on board.
-The Captain's been murdered. The buzz is that Jason might be on board.	Jason...Voorhees?
-Have you seen Tamara?	No. And I'm not losing any sleep over it.
-No. And I'm not losing any sleep over it.	But she might be in trouble...
-But she might be in trouble...	So what else is new?  Look Eva, you're asking the wrong dude to feel sorry for Tamara Mason. Wise up -- it's not hip to be her friend.
-So what else is new?  Look Eva, you're asking the wrong dude to feel sorry for Tamara Mason. Wise up -- it's not hip to be her friend.	I don't care about being hip anymore.
-I hear the crew members are cute guys in their twenties.	Really?
-Really?	I'm sure we'll have no problem getting them to party with us...especially with this.
-It's my graduation gift from Daddy. It cost over a thousand bucks but it's the best.	He bought you that?
-He bought you that?	More or less. It's part of my college fund.
-A major prick.	What are you going to do?
-What are you going to do?	Improvise, of course.
-He's undefeated, you know that?  Julius is the only senior I'd even consider doing it with. If he wasn't black, that is.	My parents are open minded about that sort of thing.
-My parents are open minded about that sort of thing.	My stepmom couldn't care less, but Daddy would have a shit fit.  He might even pay some attention to me.
-I think it's time for some recreational activity, girl.	Sounds good. I hear there's a shuffleboard court on deck -- it might be kinds cool...
-Sounds good. I hear there's a shuffleboard court on deck -- it might be kinds cool...	You're joking, right?
-No thanks.	What? Don't be a lightweight...this is top dollar toot.
-What? Don't be a lightweight...this is top dollar toot.	It's not that, it's just that...  It I get caught, I'll lose my science scholarship and everything.
-It's not that, it's just that...  It I get caught, I'll lose my science scholarship and everything.	You're talking to the prom queen, Eva. Do you really think I'm going to risk getting caught?
-You're talking to the prom queen, Eva. Do you really think I'm going to risk getting caught?	I guess not.
-I guess not.	Do you realize how many people would kill to be sitting here right now? Come on, it's grad night. You've got your whole life to be uptight.
-A real space cadet. I wonder if she'll narc on us...	I have her in Creative Writing and she's fairly nice.
-I have her in Creative Writing and she's fairly nice.	Nobody related to McCulloch can be nice.
-What are you going to do?	Relax, I've got McCulloch covered... but that little narcing bitch niece of his is a different matter.  Rumor has it she's a teensy bit afraid of the water...
-That was truly excellent.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Time to check out the waiters.
-Time to check out the waiters.	I think I'll pass. See you later, okay?
-I think I'll pass. See you later, okay?	But...wait a minute!
-Well...how do you feel?	Ask me in about five minutes.
-What's wrong?	Nothing.
-What murders?	Never mind, you don't want to know about it.
-Never mind, you don't want to know about it.	Tell me.
-Tell me.	There's nothing to worry about, Suzy. The guy's dead now, somewhere at the bottom of this lake...if you believe the stories.  Let's drop it, okay?
-Right.	I mean, Lakeview High just closed its doors for good, right?
-I mean, Lakeview High just closed its doors for good, right?	Right.
-Right.	So there's no reason for him to come back because there won't be any of us around...right?
-Did you hear that?	Hear what?
-All right, all right -- I'm a major ass.	And you'll never do it again.
-And you'll never do it again.	And I'll never do it again. Forgive me?
-And I'll never do it again. Forgive me?	No.
-Which cabin is Rennie in, Mr. McCulloch?	Rennie's not coming.
-But I thought...	She changed her mind.  Let's see...Mr. Wolfe is in stateroom one-eleven and you, Mr. Robertson, are in two-twenty-five.
-Where's the radio?	It's...dead.
-Christ...where's Rennie??	She's...she's dropping the anchors. I thought the Coast Guard could find us easier if...
-She's...she's dropping the anchors. I thought the Coast Guard could find us easier if...	What?? You sent her out there with a murderer running around loose??
-What's that?	The fire alarm...
-She never should've set foot on this ship. This is your fault!	This is Jason's fault!
-This is Jason's fault!	Not another word, do you hear me??
-Dear Christ...	We have to get off this ship!!
-Jason's here in New York.	Don't be ridiculous!
-All right. But if it mysteriously disappears en route, I'll have you sent back home the minute we dock. Understood?	Perfectly.
-What are you doing in here?	Nothing.
-I'11 be coming around your stateroom in exactly fifteen minutes, Miss Mason. You'd better have your biology project ready or I'm phoning your parents.	They're out of town.
-They're out of town.	Then I'll make sure you remain on board while your classmates see the sights.
-Where did you get that alcohol?	I packed it. Just for us.
-That's it. You're not setting foot off this ship until we return home.	But I haven't even shown you my biology project...
-Hello, Charles. Has everyone checked in?	Jim Miller and Suzy Donaldson never showed up. I'm a little concerned.
-Jim Miller and Suzy Donaldson never showed up. I'm a little concerned.	Don't be. They probably decided to explore each other rather than New York.
-Let's go -- we're running two minutes late.	Charles, there's someone else coming along too.
-You have no right...	And neither do you. It's up to Rennie to decide what she wants to do.
-And neither do you. It's up to Rennie to decide what she wants to do.	She doesn't know what she wants. She's never had a stable life.
-She doesn't know what she wants. She's never had a stable life.	And she sure doesn't have one now, either. She needs to live.
-And she sure doesn't have one now, either. She needs to live.	I'm her legal guardian, not you or anybody else, and I alone know what's best for her. End of discussion.
-I'm her legal guardian, not you or anybody else, and I alone know what's best for her. End of discussion.	No, I think it's just the beginning.
-She's fine, Charles. Take it easy...	Oh, I can see that. You've done a wonderful job of supervising the kids, Miss Van Deusen.
-I thought I told you to stay away from her.	Where is she?
-I demand to know what is going on...	Oh dear God...
-What are you doing??	That lunatic has been spouting off about Jason since we boarded...  It's no coincidence.
-That lunatic has been spouting off about Jason since we boarded...  It's no coincidence.	But that doesn't prove that he's the one!
-But that doesn't prove that he's the one!	Walking corpses are not real!
-Did you find Rennie?	She's locked safe in her room, no thanks to either of you.  Has he brought it back on course yet?
-He's doing the best he can, Charles.	He's the son of the Captain, for Chrissakes. You'd think he'd be able to operate this thing!
-I doubt very much that one even exists.	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	Use some common sense! Setting off a fire alarm causes panic...the same kind of panic caused by suggesting Jason Voorhees is on board.  Enough is enough.
-What did you do with Rennie??	Nothing! I went to her cabin and...
-There must be a phone around here somewhere.	A wonderful choice of places to dock a boat, Mr. Robertson.
-Everyone split up -- we'll cover more ground that way.	I don't think that's such a safe idea
-I don't think that's such a safe idea	My niece's life hangs in the balance right now!! Every second counts.
-What a beautiful day.	Perfect for a swim, isn't it?
-You've been coming out here every summer for the last three years, young lady, and you still haven't learned how.	I'll take some lessons this time. I promise.
-He never learned how either and he's still at the bottom of this lake.	He is not.
-He is not.	Oh, he is indeed. And ready to pull down anybody who falls in and can't swim.
-Oh, he is indeed. And ready to pull down anybody who falls in and can't swim.	You're telling a lie.
-You're telling a lie.	Am I? Let's find out.
-I...I can't...	You can and you will! Swim, Rennie!
-You're making a big mistake, Rennie. It's not too late to put you back on land.	I'm staying.
-I'm staying.	If Miss Van Deusen knew how afraid you were of...
-If Miss Van Deusen knew how afraid you were of...	She didn't push me into coming.
-She didn't push me into coming.	Why are you doing this to yourself?
-Why are you doing this to yourself?	I don't even know why I'm afraid, Uncle Charles. I can't even remember when it started. Don't you think it's time I found out and got over it?
-Facing your fear doesn't always conquer it.	I'm staying.
-You had me worried to death!	But Sean said...
-But Sean said...	I'm the one you should be listening to! Do you think dropping an anchor in the middle of a storm makes any sense whatsoever?
-Can't we at least talk about it?	I refuse to discuss this ridiculous notion that a ghoul is terrorizing this ship.
-I refuse to discuss this ridiculous notion that a ghoul is terrorizing this ship.	But what about the drowning boy I've been seeing?
-Whatever you've been...imagining... has nothing to do with Jason Voorhees.  I want you to be safe, Rennie. That's all I care about.	I'm not staying in my room, Uncle Charles.
-I'm not staying in my room, Uncle Charles.	This isn't a request.
-Get in the boat, Rennie!	I...I can't...
-I...I can't...	You can and you will!!
-You pushed me...	I was only trying to teach you. But I pulled you out, Rennie. I saved your life.
-I'm glad you decided to come after all.	Me too. But I'm not sure Uncle Charles will be.
-Me too. But I'm not sure Uncle Charles will be.	You let me worry about him, okay?  Personal experiences are what fuel the minds of great writers, Rennie. You made the right decision.
-You let me worry about him, okay?  Personal experiences are what fuel the minds of great writers, Rennie. You made the right decision.	What about not-so-great writers?
-Everything okay?	Just felt a little chill.
-Did you know that I'm giving up teaching?	Really?
-Really?	Since the school is closing anyway, I'm going to write that novel I've been threatening on everybody.
-Since the school is closing anyway, I'm going to write that novel I've been threatening on everybody.	That's wonderful, Miss Van Deusen...what's it about?
-Stephen King supposedly used it when he was in high school.	I don't know what to say...
-I don't know what to say...	Rennie, you're the best student I ever had...you have a real gift. If anybody can make use of that pen, it's you.
-Rennie -- I was just on my way over to your room	Have you seen my dog anywhere?
-Have you seen my dog anywhere?	No, but I'm sure Toby's fine. The ship's only so big and there's certainly no way off it, is there?
-So, are you having fun yet?	Yeah...a lot.
-Yeah...a lot.	I seem to detect a hint of ingenuousness in your tone.  In other words, level with me.
-I seem to detect a hint of ingenuousness in your tone.  In other words, level with me.	There's something I haven't told you...
-I can't swim.	I gathered that.
-I had a skiing accident in high school, broke my left leg. It took three winters before I would even look at the snow again...but the solution kept eluding me.  I finally took lessons. I've never broken a bone since.	It's not that simple.
-It's not that simple.	Maybe not. But you're not telling me everything, are you?
-Maybe not. But you're not telling me everything, are you?	Whenever I get near the water, I see this young boy drowning. He tries to pull me down with him.
-When did this start?	About four years ago...at Crystal Lake. I spent a few summers there with Uncle Charles inbetween boarding school.
-About four years ago...at Crystal Lake. I spent a few summers there with Uncle Charles inbetween boarding school.	After your parents passed away?
-Did you have an accident in the lake?	No. It was just a normal summer. I've never been able to figure it out.
-No. It was just a normal summer. I've never been able to figure it out.	Only one young boy ever drowned in that lake, and that was before you were even born. His name was Jason Voorhees.
-The Captain and Chief Engineer... they've been...they're dead.	What is your location?
-What is your location?	I...I don't know...
-I...I don't know...	Is your ship equipped with Omega satellite navigation or LORAN?
-Is your ship equipped with Omega satellite navigation or LORAN?	Yes...
-Yes...	The LORAN has a digital printout of your latitude and longitude. Give me the coordinates and we'll be there as quick as we can.
-I've got the numbers.	Give me the degrees first, followed by minutes and sec...
-Rennie...	Hi, Sean.
-Hi, Sean.	I heard you weren't coming.
-I heard you weren't coming.	We changed our minds.
-I got you a present.	But I didn't get you one...
-But I didn't get you one...	Forget it. It's a dumb little thing anyway.
-I thought maybe we could hike to the top of the Statue when we got there, if you felt like it. It's supposed to be 22 stories tall.	I'd love to.
-It's okay...you're going to be okay.	I want to go home. I want off this ship.
-Can he really take us home?	Not completing a voyage is against everything he stands for. But I think I can convince him to call a Coast Guard cutter for you.
-Not completing a voyage is against everything he stands for. But I think I can convince him to call a Coast Guard cutter for you.	What about you?
-What about you?	If I go with you, he'll never speak to me again.  But I'm never going to live up to his expectations anyway...so maybe it's the right thing to do.
-I don't know...we've gone off course or something...	What do you mean???
-I think so. But we have to lower the anchors so we don't drift any further...	Where are they?
-Where are they?	The bow...front of the ship. There's a hoist on each side that lowers them
-I didn't mean for you to go!	Just radio for help, okay???
-Rennie...??	The window...
-Rule one, don't panic. Rule two, assess the damage and act accordingly...	Is the ship going to sink??
-We'll be okay. I want you to wait by the lifeboats, just in case.	I'm not going near any lifeboat!
-I'm not going near any lifeboat!	But Rennie...
-But Rennie...	I'm not!!
-Rennie...what'd they do to you??	Drugs...  Then Jason came. He's here, Sean.
-You have to call the police...	Please, hurry...
-I used to drive a taxi.	Where you're going, mister?
-I used to be head of neurosurgery. Big hospital in USSR. This hospital, I'm not kidding.	Very big.
-Very big.	I opened thousands of brains.
-I opened thousands of brains.	What did you find?
-What did you find?	Big mess every time.
-Big mess every time.	I loved my taxi. Went twelve hours nonstop. Stopped only to pee. I peed under the Manhattan bridge. Peed many times in parks and playgrounds.
-I wrapped my sandwiches in tinfoil. I ate and drove. I had one of those big checkered cabs.	You are going where?
-You are going where?	Crosstown.
-Crosstown.	Very bad today.
-We must abandon.	What do you mean, we must abandon?
-What do you mean, we must abandon?	Ruptured steam pipe.
-We must abandon.	Contaminated substance. Very dangerous. Shooting mud.
-Contaminated substance. Very dangerous. Shooting mud.	Do not inhale.
-I never left the garage without my Windex.	I was barrister in Kenya. I said to him, get off from here. I cannot drive with your body on my windscreen.
-I was barrister in Kenya. I said to him, get off from here. I cannot drive with your body on my windscreen.	I drove twelve hours straight through. Ate at the wheel.
-Under the Manhattan Bridge.	That's where I peed.
-Guys ready to order?	Paisley Porter. I didn't know you were waiting tables.
-Paisley Porter. I didn't know you were waiting tables.	Elliot?
-Elliot?	This is a great young out-of-work actress.
-This is a great young out-of-work actress.	Elliot Litvak. Have you been ill? And Mr. Rogan. How nice.
-Say it again.	Alla puttanesca.
-Alla puttanesca.	Isn't she great? What did I tell you? A talent.
-Nicky. I was thinking about you. I went to the preview last night.	I don't want to hear about it.
-A lovely piece of theater. Small but important.	Shut up, Elliot.
-Shut up, Elliot.	Quietly effective.
-You're an artist. I'm a craftsman.	Press a button and they give us money.
-Press a button and they give us money.	Ride with me. We need a haircut.
-How is Lillian? I haven't seen her.	She wants a divorce.
-She wants a divorce.	Don't talk like that.
-Don't talk like that.	It's over, finished and done with.
-It's over, finished and done with.	That sounds so final. But are we really surprised?
-That sounds so final. But are we really surprised?	I'm completely stunned. I don't want this to happen.
-I'm completely stunned. I don't want this to happen.	But didn't we know it would happen?
-But didn't we know it would happen?	Don't needle me, Elliot. Tell me how bad you feel. We're suppose to feel bad together. This is what friends do.
-Don't needle me, Elliot. Tell me how bad you feel. We're suppose to feel bad together. This is what friends do.	Joanna Bourne. So rich and crisp. This woman lets you touch her body? You put your hands on her personal parts?
-Very dangerous.	Asbestos lining.
-Asbestos lining.	We must abandon.
-We must abandon.	Do not inhale.
-I'm trying to think. When did you start looking so terrible? You look awful.	I can tell you the year, the day, the night, the minute.
-I can tell you the year, the day, the night, the minute.	You used to love life. You don't exude this any more.
-You used to love life. You don't exude this any more.	What do I exude?
-What do I exude?	Suffering. You exude a person who sits in a small dark apartment eating soft white bread.
-Suffering. You exude a person who sits in a small dark apartment eating soft white bread.	Tonight you find out what it means to suffer.
-Tonight you find out what it means to suffer.	Tonight. What's tonight?
-Tonight. What's tonight?	Shit. They don't have any carrot soup.
-Shit. They don't have any carrot soup.	You mean because What's-His-Name.
-You mean because What's-His-Name.	You will suffer because he is in the theater. And you will suffer a thousandfold when his review appears.
-You will suffer because he is in the theater. And you will suffer a thousandfold when his review appears.	It's just a review.
-It's just a review.	It is just a review. Do not inhale. Very dangerous.
-It is just a review. Do not inhale. Very dangerous.	What's the fuss? I don't get it.
-What's the fuss? I don't get it.	That's what I said eighteen months ago.
-That's what I said eighteen months ago.	What happened eighteen months ago?
-What happened eighteen months ago?	Before his Broadway days. He reviewed the one-act I did at the Fulton Fish Market. We did this play at four AM, outdoors in the rain. One performance. For the fish handlers.
-Before his Broadway days. He reviewed the one-act I did at the Fulton Fish Market. We did this play at four AM, outdoors in the rain. One performance. For the fish handlers.	And he was there?
-And he was there?	Steven Schwimmer. I memorized every word of this review.
-Steven Schwimmer. I memorized every word of this review.	That's awful.
-That's awful.	I recite it to myself with masochistic relish.
-I recite it to myself with masochistic relish.	A year and a half later? You're still brooding?
-Do you want me to tell you what it was like, reading that review at the newstand with trucks rumbling past and street vendors facing Mecca?	What was it like?
-What was it like?	I said, `I'm dead'. He killed me.
-Is it safe?	Do we care?
-Do we care?	I think we Nought to wait.
-I think we Nought to wait.	I say we go.
-I say we go.	You say we go?
-You say we go?	Do not inhale.
-Do not inhale.	I'm not ready.
-I'm not ready.	Here we go.
-The man has taken over my mind. He's not only out there. He's in my head and I can't get rid of him. I can't write a word without imagining his response. I'm paralyzed as an artist.	I don't have the problems that artists have.
-Where are you going?	Don't wait Efor me.
-Don't wait Efor me.	What about the haircut?
-He carries a gun.	Then you should carry a gun.
-I used to carry a gun when I drove a cab.	Where is it?
-Where is it?	I gave it away. I thought, I'm a writer now.
-I gave it away. I thought, I'm a writer now.	That was a big mistake.
-We're making too much of this.	No, we're not.
-No, we're not.	I'm not a lonely spooky writer like you. Nursing a hundred grudges. I'm a man who loves life.
-I'm not a lonely spooky writer like you. Nursing a hundred grudges. I'm a man who loves life.	We're talking about something deeper than grudges. How do we respond to personal attack?
-In other words why should we suffer silently at this kind of abuse? The man is out there ruining lives.	It's your best play, Nicky.
-It's your best play, Nicky.	He'll hate it.
-He'll hate it.	He'll kill it. He'll write a review so devastating it will shatter your career and cause the most unmanageable psychic grief. What happens to your apartment on the East River? Your house in Connecticut, where you watch things grow.
-We were thinking of putting in a pool.	`The most interesting thing about Elliot Litvak is that he writes the way he looks -- fuzzy, grubby and shifty-eyed.'  I'm telling you as a friend.
-`The most interesting thing about Elliot Litvak is that he writes the way he looks -- fuzzy, grubby and shifty-eyed.'  I'm telling you as a friend.	What?
-What?	There are things that speak to us from the past.
-Shoot him.	The American theater doesn't need people like that.
-The American theater doesn't need people like that.	Shoot him, Nicky. Not that we really mean it. But where does he live?
-Shoot him, Nicky. Not that we really mean it. But where does he live?	Keep going west. Last building before the river.
-Keep going west. Last building before the river.	How do you Eknow.
-How do you Eknow.	Paisley Porter.
-Paisley Porter.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	About an hour and a half ago. I saw her come out of a place. She said she was visiting a friend. But she wouldn't tell me who.
-About an hour and a half ago. I saw her come out of a place. She said she was visiting a friend. But she wouldn't tell me who.	Had to be him.
-Had to be him.	She was very evasive.
-Great game.	Unbelievable.
-Unbelievable.	Classic.
-I think you're a little confused. Nothing personal friend.	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	What are we talking about?
-What are we talking about?	Yes. What are you implying?
-Of course I saw it.	Did you see the winning run score?
-Did you see the winning run score?	You're not making sense. Make sense.
-This could be it.	This could be it.
-This could be it.	Let's work on it.
-Let's work on it.	Let's work on it.
-This could Pbe it.	This could be it.
-This could be it.	This could be it.
-This could be it.	This could be it.
-This could be it.	This could be it.
-This could be it.	Does it feel comfortable?
-Does it feel comfortable?	Does what feel comfortable?
-Does what feel comfortable?	This could be it.
-This could be it.	This could be it.
-Last night. Alan Albright called me a handsome woman. Second time he's done that. Son of a bitch.	I hear Alan's sick.
-I hear Alan's sick.	Alan's very sick. He has to go to New Mexico and sit in a lukewarm solution.
-Alan's very sick. He has to go to New Mexico and sit in a lukewarm solution.	You know about Adele.
-You know about Adele.	What about her?
-What about her?	She's dying.
-She's dying.	She died.
-She died.	I talked to her two days ago.
-I talked to her two days ago.	Apparently it didn't help. You know about Peter, of course.
-Apparently it didn't help. You know about Peter, of course.	Our Peter?
-Our Peter?	Peter Redmond. They found out why he can't remember his lines. There's something living in his brain. A parasite he picked up in Borneo, doing the movie.
-Peter Redmond. They found out why he can't remember his lines. There's something living in his brain. A parasite he picked up in Borneo, doing the movie.	Can he get through it?
-Can he get through it?	They're watching him closely. There's a special rehearsal set for this afternoon. To bolster his confidence. And that's not all.
-They're watching him closely. There's a special rehearsal set for this afternoon. To bolster his confidence. And that's not all.	I've got bigger problems, Joanna. Personal problems.
-I've got bigger problems, Joanna. Personal problems.	That's not all, Nicky. I've been backing your plays for fifteen years. And I've never been more depressed.
-That's not all, Nicky. I've been backing your plays for fifteen years. And I've never been more depressed.	About what?
-About what?	Steven Schwimmer. The most powerful critic in America gets his first crack at Nicky Rogan.
-Steven Schwimmer. The most powerful critic in America gets his first crack at Nicky Rogan.	Look. All I want is a haircut. I'm not worried about this guy.
-Look. All I want is a haircut. I'm not worried about this guy.	Ever since he started reviewing the Broadway theater, nobody in this business has been worried about anything else.
-Ever since he started reviewing the Broadway theater, nobody in this business has been worried about anything else.	They can send their heartless brilliant boy-critic. There's a much bigger thing going on than tonight's opening.
-They can send their heartless brilliant boy-critic. There's a much bigger thing going on than tonight's opening.	What?
-What?	The Red Sox
-The Red Sox	You mean the World Series? I thought the Red Sox were winning.
-You mean the World Series? I thought the Red Sox were winning.	Three games to two. But if you know their history, you realize there's a tragedy in the making. I've been carrying this franchise on my back since I was six years old.
-Three games to two. But if you know their history, you realize there's a tragedy in the making. I've been carrying this franchise on my back since I was six years old.	It can't be all that personal.
-I'm proud of this play. It's so different from anything you've done.	This is how we've managed to last.
-This is how we've managed to last.	We're able to surprise each other.
-We're able to surprise each other.	In and out of bed.
-In and out of bed.	Because we're completely mismatched.
-Because we're completely mismatched.	We don't even like each other, do we?
-I used to tell myself. Talent is more erotic when it's wasted. Will I see you tonight?	The Red Sox blow a chance to win their first World Series since 1918. You expect me to miss that for an opening night?
-It makes me so mad. Steven Schwimmer ready to strike. The exterminating angel.	It's all worked out. They'll lose tonight. Then they'll lose tomorrow. I see it with stunning clarity.
-It's all worked out. They'll lose tonight. Then they'll lose tomorrow. I see it with stunning clarity.	It's your best play, Nicky.
-It's your best play, Nicky.	They'll lose because they're my team.
-They'll lose because they're my team.	He will absolutely hate it.
-I never see you anymore. Where are you all day?	I go to college. I thought you knew.
-I go to college. I thought you knew.	Do you want to get some coffee?
-Do you want to get some coffee?	I don't drink coffee, Daddy. And this is not what we should be talking about.
-I don't drink coffee, Daddy. And this is not what we should be talking about.	What do you want to talk about? I'll talk about anything. What's this?
-I'm seeing your play tonight, remember?	Why do you need a radio?
-Why do you need a radio?	So at the intermission I can listen to the ball game. Do you know that mother is seeing a prominent divorce lawyer?
-So at the intermission I can listen to the ball game. Do you know that mother is seeing a prominent divorce lawyer?	That's completely crazy.
-That's completely crazy.	Is it?
-Is it?	Don't talk like that. How prominent? What are you implying?
-Don't talk like that. How prominent? What are you implying?	She's doing like those Iranians. `I divorce thee. I divorce thee. I divorce thee'
-She's doing like those Iranians. `I divorce thee. I divorce thee. I divorce thee'	And he hears it the same time I hear it? What happened to family secrets?
-If lawyers for the mob are called controversial, why are divorce lawyers called prominent?	Because they get outstanding settlements. And Mother is determined that this time there's no turning back.
-Because they get outstanding settlements. And Mother is determined that this time there's no turning back.	I just had breakfast with her. She didn't say a word about this.
-Because you refuse to believe she's serious. You've always refused.	Don't be so steely-eyed. It's that course you're taking in criminology.
-Don't be so steely-eyed. It's that course you're taking in criminology.	Oh please. Not now.  She wants you to stop seeing What's- Her-Name. Finally. Now and forever. Do you think that's too much to ask? For a wife of nineteen years.
-Oh please. Not now.  She wants you to stop seeing What's- Her-Name. Finally. Now and forever. Do you think that's too much to ask? For a wife of nineteen years.	You're too young to be studying criminal behavior. It's making you obsessive.
-You're too young to be studying criminal behavior. It's making you obsessive.	She is kicking you out.
-She is kicking you out.	Your mother and I have something between us that's too strong to damage permanently. Believe me, I know this. That's right, nineteen years. And what about the days and minutes? Sharing small moments, sharing memories, raising a beautiful child. We're wedded in the deepest and strongest ways. Lillian isn't only my wife. She's my best friend.
-Mother won't tell me how long you've been seeing this person. She's embarrassed to tell me. So why don't you tell me?	Don't call her Mother all the time. It makes her sound tragic and unforgiving. What happened to Mom?
-Don't call her Mother all the time. It makes her sound tragic and unforgiving. What happened to Mom?	I didn't turn her into Mother. You did.
-I didn't turn her into Mother. You did.	This person and I are a thing of the total past. I promise you.
-Laurel. Tickets are all set. I double-checked.	Thanks, Daddy. But I just need one. Mother's not going.
-Thanks, Daddy. But I just need one. Mother's not going.	Opening night?
-Opening night?	I know -- why should a bitter divorce interfere with tradition?
-Rogan, Laurel. You also have a Rogan, Lillian. She won't need it. Sell it.	Take it yourself. Take a date.
-Take it yourself. Take a date.	I don't have a date. I don't want a date.
-And you blame me. It's because we never talk. Let's talk.	I have a class. I'm late.
-I have a class. I'm late.	Can we talk later? Will you be at the party?
-Can we talk later? Will you be at the party?	I'm not sure.
-Look. I'm sorry you keep running into dishonest men. But you're only eighteen. We can still turn it around.	Except I won't have a father anymore.
-Except I won't have a father anymore.	I'll see you all the time. I'll get a place right nearby. One room. No distractions. We'll talk.
-What will we talk about?	Everything.
-Will I believe you when you tell me something?	There's nothing left for me to lie about.
-I see the outline of your body in chalk on this very floor.	Daddy, wait.
-Why won't you tell me your name?	It's only our first date.
-I'm willing to tell you my name.	Names are incredibly intimate. We barely know each other. Trust me on this.
-You have to tell me what you thought of the play.	First you tell me.
-First you tell me.	Brilliantly moving.
-What else?	Packs an emotional wallop.
-Packs an emotional wallop.	What else?
-What else?	A flat-out hit.
-If you're wondering about the firearm.	Yes.
-Yes.	This building is not secure.
-I have this thing where I have to know a person is being honest with me before, you know, I can feel completely free to be myself.	We're strangers in the night. The last thing we want is honesty.
-We're strangers in the night. The last thing we want is honesty.	What do we want?
-What do we want?	Mystery. Deception.
-Mystery. Deception.	Deception isn't something I personally consider sexy.
-Deception isn't something I personally consider sexy.	What's sexy?
-What's sexy?	Knowing who a person is. Down deep.
-Knowing who a person is. Down deep.	Even if the truth about a person is sad or depressing or shocking?
-Even if the truth about a person is sad or depressing or shocking?	You won't even tell me your name. What's shocking about a name?
-Am I really so deeply repugnant?	Yes.
-Yes. And no more evasive tactics.	It's your best play, Nicky.
-It's your best play, Nicky.	See, Daddy.
-See, Daddy.	I've seen it twice. I went back tonight to be sure. It's a brave and honest piece of work.
-I've seen it twice. I went back tonight to be sure. It's a brave and honest piece of work.	What else?
-What else?	An artistry and sensitivity you've never shown before.
-See, Daddy.	And Peter Redmond helped immensely. These pauses were exquisitely timed. He made us wait and wait. He built a gorgeous tension and suspense.
-Your father said you might be here.	Two-all after six.
-Two-all after six.	I've been looking for you because I want to let you know what's been going on before you read about it in a gossip column.
-I've been looking for you because I want to let you know what's been going on before you read about it in a gossip column.	We stranded five runners in the first two innings. This will come back to haunt us.
-We stranded five runners in the first two innings. This will come back to haunt us.	I want to be fair-minded, Nicky.
-I want to be fair-minded, Nicky.	All right. What's been going on?
-All right. What's been going on?	I've been talking to a prominent divorce lawyer.
-I've been talking to a prominent divorce lawyer.	How prominent?
-How prominent?	He has his own submarine. I'll be getting everything that matters. I'll get New York and I'll get Connecticut.
-I'll have whatever she's having.	I don't want to be responsible for his food. Just a small green salad. And a Perrier.
-I don't want to be responsible for his food. Just a small green salad. And a Perrier.	Bring me the bay scallops with mercury poisoning.
-Opening night, Lillian.	Who the hell cares?
-Who the hell cares?	The whole thing is my fault. I took unfair advantage of your patience and understanding. You understand me.
-The whole thing is my fault. I took unfair advantage of your patience and understanding. You understand me.	That's always been my problem.
-That's always been my problem.	And you've been extremely patient.
-And you've been extremely patient.	You know why, don't you? Because I am patient, chain-smoking Lillian.
-You know why, don't you? Because I am patient, chain-smoking Lillian.	You smoked because I smoked. We were falling in love, remember? I used to see certain movies only because you had seen them. I wanted to see what you saw.
-You smoked because I smoked. We were falling in love, remember? I used to see certain movies only because you had seen them. I wanted to see what you saw.	I'd forgotten that.
-I'd forgotten that.	I went because you went. You smoked because I smoked.
-I went because you went. You smoked because I smoked.	That's very lovely actually.
-That's very lovely actually.	Laurel wants us to be honest and open. Let's be open with each other.
-Laurel wants us to be honest and open. Let's be open with each other.	Be open with me. I'd like that.
-Be open with me. I'd like that.	There may be things you'd rather not know about.
-There may be things you'd rather not know about.	I want to know. We haven't talked this way in years.
-I want to know. We haven't talked this way in years.	I had an affair -- are you sure you want to hear this?
-I had an affair -- are you sure you want to hear this?	Joanne Bourne.
-Joanne Bourne.	Alma Wetzel.
-Alma Wetzel.	Nicky, no. This is insupportable. How could you?
-Nicky, no. This is insupportable. How could you?	I'm a man. She's, you know, a woman.
-I'm a man. She's, you know, a woman.	She's my gynecologist.
-I am really, deeply sorry.	It violates so many trusts.
-It violates so many trusts.	It was an animal thing. No real intimacy.
-It was an animal thing. No real intimacy.	I never thought of Dr. Wetzel as having a sex life outside the office.
-I never thought of Dr. Wetzel as having a sex life outside the office.	We did it in the office. She thought her apartment was too impersonal.
-We did it in the office. She thought her apartment was too impersonal.	I'm glad we're having this talk.
-I'm glad we're having this talk.	I feel great. I feel impeccably alive. I'm elated. Eat something. Please. I love you.
-What happens if somebody comes in here right now and shoots you?	This place becomes famous. Tour buses. Blind people feeling around for bullet holes in the wall.
-What's it like to shoot somebody?	I respect a kid who does his homework in a taxi. But let's put a lid on the questions.
-Great game. Red Sox are winning.	They're always winning. Until they lose.
-Life is good.	Life is good.
-People are dependable.	I don't know if I can say that.
-All the failures, all the fatalism.	Washed away.
-Washed away.	One more out.
-It's Stanley. It's the Steamer. Fate has spoken to this man in the depths of the night.	What did it say?
-What did it say?	A thousand things.
-A thousand things.	You're hurting my head.
-This could be it!	This could be it!
-Life is true.	Life is real.
-Who is it?	I'm at the door.
-I'm at the door.	Go way. I'll call a cop.
-Go way. I'll call a cop.	Pop, will you let me in?
-Pop, will you let me in?	Where the hell are you?
-Where the hell are you?	Right here. At the door.
-What do you want?	It's me. Nicky.
-It's me. Nicky.	Nicky comes on Sunday's.
-Nicky comes on Sunday's.	Where are your glasses? Go get them.
-Where are your glasses? Go get them.	If it's you, what are you doing here?
-If it's you, what are you doing here?	I'm on my way to get a haircut.
-I'm on my way to get a haircut.	Where does Nicky get his hair cut?
-Across Ninth Avenue. Dodgie's. Where you've been getting your hair cut for fifty years. Where Uncle Billy and Uncle Marty got their hair cut. Where Jim Rorty shot a man for cheating at poker.	It was rummy, not poker. But I'll take a chance and let you in.
-It's a constant shock to me, how small this place is. How did we do it? Five people in these little rooms.	Get yourself something to eat.
-We must have been heroic.	Five's not so many. There were families with seven kids. A grandmother. A dimwit uncle.
-Five's not so many. There were families with seven kids. A grandmother. A dimwit uncle.	Lillian says it once a week. `Why doesn't he come live with us?'
-Lillian says it once a week. `Why doesn't he come live with us?'	You know the answer to that.
-You know the answer to that.	I do know the answer to that. Why don't we watch the ball game later? We'll go to Mannion's.
-I do know the answer to that. Why don't we watch the ball game later? We'll go to Mannion's.	They're only gonna lose.
-They're only gonna lose.	Of course they're gonna lose. We'll watch them lose. What good is heartbreak if we don't experience it firsthand?
-Of course they're gonna lose. We'll watch them lose. What good is heartbreak if we don't experience it firsthand?	The Red Sox are your problem. I never understood about you and the Red Sox. Everybody rooted for the Yankees.
-Remember 1949? Last two games of the season. Against the Yankees. The Sox lost on Saturday. Then they lost on Sunday. First I cried for twenty-four hours. Then I had fist- fights the rest of the week.	It's one thing for kids. You get older, you Nhave other things.
-It's one thing for kids. You get older, you Nhave other things.	It's all connected, Pop. It's one life. Baseball is memory. How do fathers and sons show their love? They go to a ball game together. Thirty-five years later, they sit in the kitchen and remember.
-It's all connected, Pop. It's one life. Baseball is memory. How do fathers and sons show their love? They go to a ball game together. Thirty-five years later, they sit in the kitchen and remember.	But the son is suppose to stop crying.
-But the son is suppose to stop crying.	I could have grown up happy. A Yankee fan. A divorce lawyer.
-You'll need these. Tonight. For the play.	Don't make me sit through one of your plays.
-Don't make me sit through one of your plays.	Hey, Pop. I know you don't like the commotion of opening night. But I especially want you to see this play. It's new territory for me. And for you too. I have to know what you think.
-Hey, Pop. I know you don't like the commotion of opening night. But I especially want you to see this play. It's new territory for me. And for you too. I have to know what you think.	Since when did that matter?
-Since when did that matter?	Let's not start that again.
-Let's not start that again.	My back is killing me.
-My back is killing me.	Where's your elastic brace?
-Where's your elastic brace?	I can't find it.
-I can't find it.	You're suppose to wear it when your back gives you trouble.
-You're suppose to wear it when your back gives you trouble.	I lost it. I lose everything.
-I lost it. I lose everything.	I'll go get you another one. You have to wear it.
-`Why doesn't he come live with us?' Because everything is here.	I know, Pop.
-I know, Pop.	I'm lucky they don't knock down the building. It could happen anytime. And everything worth remembering is right here.
-I'm lucky they don't knock down the building. It could happen anytime. And everything worth remembering is right here.	I think the building's okay. At least for the time being.
-I think the building's okay. At least for the time being.	You didn't think it was okay when you lived here. You wanted to get out so fast I thought you were running a marathon.
-You didn't think it was okay when you lived here. You wanted to get out so fast I thought you were running a marathon.	Normal boy's ambition. I like coming back. You know that.
-Normal boy's ambition. I like coming back. You know that.	You tell your friends your father used to work the docks. Callused hands. But you had an attitude when you were growing up that wasn't easy for your mother and me to understand.
-I was in a hurry to do big things, make big mistakes. Any mistakes were okay as long as it was big. But I'm trying to see these things clearly and honestly. That's the play they're going to kill starting tonight. There's a guy out there getting ready to rip it apart. And that's us. Who we were and where we come from.	So what are you going to do about it?
-So what are you going to do about it?	What do you want me to do?
-What do you want me to do?	Show him who we are.
-I'm looking at you trying to think. Put your face in the mirror. I know I recognize you from somewhere.	Everybody else does. Why not you?
-Everybody else does. Why not you?	You're Frankie Lazzaro. The gangster from Rhode Island.
-You're Frankie Lazzaro. The gangster from Rhode Island.	Oh yeah?
-Oh yeah?	Matthew, look at him. When I lived in Roxbury, the media followed this man everywhere. He was bigger than ten movie stars.  Where's your white Lincoln limo?
-Some little kid stole the hubcaps.	The most charming gangster in New England. Where are we going, Mr. Lazzaro?
-The most charming gangster in New England. Where are we going, Mr. Lazzaro?	Call me Frankie. And it looks like we're going nowhere.
-Call me Frankie. And it looks like we're going nowhere.	Might be an accident on the West Side Highway.
-Might be an accident on the West Side Highway.	How come you got the kid with you?
-How come you got the kid with you?	Matthew's my grandson.
-Matthew's my grandson.	A grandmother. God bless you.
-A grandmother. God bless you.	He does bless me, each and every day. Matthew's mother works a hospital shift, so I pick him up at school. We stop for a meal usually around this time. He does his homework and gets some experience meeting people. But we never had a famous mobster before.
-He does bless me, each and every day. Matthew's mother works a hospital shift, so I pick him up at school. We stop for a meal usually around this time. He does his homework and gets some experience meeting people. But we never had a famous mobster before.	It's the kid's lucky day.
-It's the kid's lucky day.	This is one charming crook. If shooting people is charming.
-This is one charming crook. If shooting people is charming.	Now that's a complicated subject.
-Now that's a complicated subject.	That's a simple subject.
-That's a simple subject.	Look, we're stuck here front and back. It's dinnertime for you, game time for me. Let's park the cab and go to Mannion's. What do you say, Matthew? We'll drink beer and talk baseball.
-You see what you're doing, don't you?	What am I doing?
-What am I doing?	You're charming the boy.
-You're charming the boy.	Hey, Toyota. He asked me a question.
-Hey, Toyota. He asked me a question.	Frankie Lazzaro. Coming down the courthouse steps every day in the media. Children see this. They think you're the Secretary of the Treasury.
-Frankie Lazzaro. Coming down the courthouse steps every day in the media. Children see this. They think you're the Secretary of the Treasury.	That's my cousin, Angelo.
-Go on, tell him. Tell the truth. Tell him how you feel, shooting a piece of hot metal in somebody's flesh who was once a child, who was once the same age as this boy. Somebody's flesh who was innocent once.	It's complicated. It's a whole life. A person doesn't commit an act of violence out of nowhere. There are strong forces at work.
-You're a family man, Frankie?	Wife and daughter. My father's still alive. He outlives me, starting tonight. Because the Mets just tied the score. It was only a matter of time, wasn't it?
-Wife and daughter. My father's still alive. He outlives me, starting tonight. Because the Mets just tied the score. It was only a matter of time, wasn't it?	An how many years does it take a person to make his family safe and secure and happy, and then in one dumb moment, what does he do?
-An how many years does it take a person to make his family safe and secure and happy, and then in one dumb moment, what does he do?	I don't know Toyota. What does he do?
-I don't know Toyota. What does he do?	And the people he hurts the most are the people who love him. Despite who he is and what he does for a living. We're always saying we want to take control of our lives. You don't want to take control. You want to lose control. Jesus knows it.
-It's a complicated subject.	It's a simple subject.
-Your problem is you take the easy way out. Losing is easy.	Winning is easy. Losing is complicated. It's a lifetime's work.
-Winning is easy. Losing is complicated. It's a lifetime's work.	It may be work but it's not honest work. Faith is the real work.
-You made him strike out. You wished it on him. You want to lose. It's too hard for you to believe in something. It's hard to have faith. It's hard Nwork to trust somebody.	"""It looked extremely rocky for the Boston nine that day."""
-"""It looked extremely rocky for the Boston nine that day."""	You're afraid to risk believing. Believe in them. Believe in your self. Take a risk. It will humanize you as a person.
-You're afraid to risk believing. Believe in them. Believe in your self. Take a risk. It will humanize you as a person.	I want to believe.
-I want to believe.	If you believed, you wouldn't be walking around with a handgun in your belt. What does that tell me? You want to make the night come down.
-Say it and you'll believe it. Life is good. Say it.	I want to say it because my whole life may depend on these next few moments.
-I want to say it because my whole life may depend on these next few moments.	Then say it.
-Then say it.	Life is good.
-Life is good.	Speak it like it's real. Matthew.
-I don't know.	Matthew.
-This is something no one has been privileged to see in almost seventy years. Very few people now alive can say that they have seen what you are about to see, Matthew. The Red Sox win a World Series. This is deeply, intensely personal. All the mistakes I've made, all the envy, fear and violence that's encased in this little envelope we call a person -- all washed away in the next few minutes. And your grandmother knows why.	Because God loves a winner.
-Because God loves a winner.	He used to love losers. But the laws of physics changed.
-All the times I died when the Red Sox lost an important game they should have won. All the awful things I said to my mother and father. To Tmy wife and daughter.	Washed away.
-Washed away.	Because life is good.
-Because life is good.	Because faith is rewarded.
-Don't worry. It's a test.	It's a test all right. They're bringing in Stanley.
-This could be it!	This could be it!
-Then they lost?	Why does it matter?
-Why does it matter?	If they lost tonight, they'll lose tomorrow. It's all over.
-If they lost tonight, they'll lose tomorrow. It's all over.	Why do you care?
-Why do you care?	They're my team.
-They're my team.	No. They're not your team. They're my team.
-They're my team, too. I grew up on Boyleston Street. Right by Fenway Park. I went to fifty or sixty games a year. All by myself. I was one of those kids with scabby elbows. I called out to the players. `Look over here. Hi, I'm Steven. My parents are divorced.'	I went to college in Boston so I could be near the Red Sox. I took summer classes and the cut them to go to the game. My wife is from Boston. Lillian Ziegler?
-I went to college in Boston so I could be near the Red Sox. I took summer classes and the cut them to go to the game. My wife is from Boston. Lillian Ziegler?	The Red Sox were my world. I surrendered my existence to a team that couldn't win the big one.
-The Red Sox were my world. I surrendered my existence to a team that couldn't win the big one.	If you're such a devoted fan, why were you at the play tonight instead of the game? Answer carefully. This is important. You could have gone to the theater last night. There was no game last night.
-If you're such a devoted fan, why were you at the play tonight instead of the game? Answer carefully. This is important. You could have gone to the theater last night. There was no game last night.	Because I can't bear to watch. When they lose, I die inside. It's like some little person named Steve just crumples up and dies. I wait for the scores. I still die, hearing the scores, but it's over in a second. I can't survive the game pitch by pitch, inning by inning. I've done it too many times. And I can't do it anymore.
-I was six years old the day Pesky hesitated throwing home and Slaughter scored all the way from first. That's when I knew the Red Sox were my team. Pity and terror.	When I traveled through Asia this summer, I went to tremendous trouble and expense to rent a car with a phone so I could call up Sports Phone in New York and get the scores. I drove through the war in Afghanistan calling Sports Phone like every hour on the hour, for updates.
-When I traveled through Asia this summer, I went to tremendous trouble and expense to rent a car with a phone so I could call up Sports Phone in New York and get the scores. I drove through the war in Afghanistan calling Sports Phone like every hour on the hour, for updates.	What about my play?
-And you're not saying that because of the gun in my hand?	You're out of bullets.
-aybe we ought to postpone the opening.	Joanna loves this play. She has sunk tons of money. She is completely Ncommitted.
-Joanna loves this play. She has sunk tons of money. She is completely Ncommitted.	appreciate that, Sidney. But our leading man can't remember his lines. And his understudy can't carry the play.
-I had lunch with Joanna. She said she told you about Peter. You weren't concerned, she said.	hat was this morning.
-hat was this morning.	So what happened since? You're worried about this kid who writes these reviews?
-'m not worried about this kid.	Well I am. Worried sick. Everybody quotes Steven Schwimmer. He's here to announce the death of civilization. He kills a play every time he farts.
-Well I am. Worried sick. Everybody quotes Steven Schwimmer. He's here to announce the death of civilization. He kills a play every time he farts.	Postpone. We have every right.
-Postpone. We have every right.	Too late. All the elements are in place. Delay the opening and we lose the theater.
-Too late. All the elements are in place. Delay the opening and we lose the theater.	I've had three straight washouts, Sidney.
-I've had three straight washouts, Sidney.	You're dangling from the last letter of your last name.
-I hate the Mets.	How come?
-How come?	When the Mets lose, they just lose. It's a flat feeling. But the Red Sox -- here we have a rich history of interesting ways to lose a crucial game. Defeats that keep you awake, that pound in your head like the hammer of fate.
-Have to hurry back.	Hurry back. Hurry back to what?
-Hurry back. Hurry back to what?	Eleventh inning. What else?
-Game six is history,pal.	You're not making sense.
-What do you mean?	To go to the theater. Wears I don't know what. Make-up, padding.
-To go to the theater. Wears I don't know what. Make-up, padding.	Why?
-Why?	Because he is so deeply hated by so many people in the business.
-Yessiree, Bob.	Get the hell out of here. I don't want you bringing our food. Send a real waiter.
-"Finally, I get a waiter who doesn't know ""Macbeth""."	But I know you, don't I? I seen you on a poster in the theater district. I'll think of your name in just a --
-Sidney remains optimistic.	Sidney.
-Sidney.	Sidney Fabrikant. Our producer.
-Sidney Fabrikant. Our producer.	I was educated by nuns.
-I was educated by nuns.	Yes.
-Yes.	I have excellent long-term memory.
-I have excellent long-term memory.	Yes.
-Yes.	I kissed Shirley Felder on the teeth.
-I kissed Shirley Felder on the teeth.	Yes, Peter.
-Yes, Peter.	But my parasite is consuming all the new memories. Eating my lines.
-But my parasite is consuming all the new memories. Eating my lines.	You have to see the words. Try to build a mental picture of the script. Imagine your lines high- lighted with a felt tip pen.
-You have to see the words. Try to build a mental picture of the script. Imagine your lines high- lighted with a felt tip pen.	What color?
-What color?	What was your favorite color crayon, growing up?
-What was your favorite color crayon, growing up?	Burnt sienna.
-Burnt sienna.	Mine was cobalt blue.
-Mine was cobalt blue.	This is your history, isn't it? Nicky? All around us. And my parasite is consuming it.
-This is your history, isn't it? Nicky? All around us. And my parasite is consuming it.	Yes.
-Yes.	I kissed her while she was laughing.
-I kissed her while she was laughing.	Yes.
-Yes.	I can see her face so clearly. Dear God. My heart was flying out of my chest with love.
-And the Father replies?	That's the line I can't ever, for the life of me remember. I just can't get it.
-This could be it.	I know it sounds easy. But something happens between the time I hear the line and the time I'm suppose to Jrepeat it.
-What's good?	We have a very nice pasta today. Alla Putanesca.
-You've worked with Elliot?	I was in the fish-market play. What happened to him?
-I was in the fish-market play. What happened to him?	There was a review.
-There was a review.	I think I remember.
-I think I remember.	So does Elliot.
-So does Elliot.	Not one of Steven's finer moments.
-Not one of Steven's finer moments.	Oh. You know him.
-Oh. You know him.	A little.
-A little.	And he has finer moments now and then.
-And he has finer moments now and then.	He has -- something. A funny little quality I find --
-He has -- something. A funny little quality I find --	Endearing.
-Endearing.	Engaging.
-Engaging.	Elliot wants to kill him with a railroad spike.
-Elliot wants to kill him with a railroad spike.	A little drastic maybe?
-A little drastic maybe?	Say it again.
-Say it again.	What?
-What?	You know what.
-You know what.	Alla puttanesca.
-Alla puttanesca.	One more time.
-You keep slipping away. How do you do that?	I was one of those silent, listening children. Glued to the shadows.
-I was one of those silent, listening children. Glued to the shadows.	I was all noise. Played the radio loud. Battled constantly with my brother and sister. Here I am, world.
-I was all noise. Played the radio loud. Battled constantly with my brother and sister. Here I am, world.	I hear good things about the new play.
-I hear good things about the new play.	So do I. Over and over.
-So do I. Over and over.	Peter Redmond is an actor I admire enormously.
-Peter Redmond is an actor I admire enormously.	Would you like to meet him?
-Would you like to meet him?	He doesn't want to meet some out-of- work ingenue.
-He doesn't want to meet some out-of- work ingenue.	I'm trying to prolong our afternoon. In case you haven't noticed.
-I'm trying to prolong our afternoon. In case you haven't noticed.	The fact is, I have to get going.
-The fact is, I have to get going.	Is it true?
-Is it true?	Is what true?
-Is what true?	He wears a disguise.
-He wears a disguise.	Steven goes to extremes to protect his privacy. No friends. No phone.
-Steven goes to extremes to protect his privacy. No friends. No phone.	But you're his friend.
-But you're his friend.	Sort of. Sometimes. You're not building an obsession about Steven, are you? Look. I understand opening- night jitters, but you've got one of the great actors in American theater starring in your play.
-Do you think he can do it?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	He's a very sweet man.
-He's a very sweet man.	Where are you going now?
-Where are you going now?	Home.
-Home.	Someone waiting for you?
-Someone waiting for you?	No one's waiting.
-No one's waiting.	There's a certain kind of wounded young man who uses his oddness to get laid. Is that our Steven?
-There's a certain kind of wounded young man who uses his oddness to get laid. Is that our Steven?	If I'm sleeping with him, and I haven't said I am, then so what?
-If I'm sleeping with him, and I haven't said I am, then so what?	So everything. That's so what. So I begin to hate him. So I want to do him grave harm.
-So everything. That's so what. So I begin to hate him. So I want to do him grave harm.	But you don't even know me. How can you care what I do with whom?
-But you don't even know me. How can you care what I do with whom?	I know you both. Enough. How much knowledge does it take before a man does something crazy.
-I know you both. Enough. How much knowledge does it take before a man does something crazy.	Do you want to talk about doing crazy things.
-Do you want to talk about doing crazy things.	Yes.
-Yes.	Never mind.
-What? Come on, Paisley.	Our Steven not only disguises himself.
-Our Steven not only disguises himself.	Yes.
-Yes.	He goes to the theater armed.
-He feels he has to defend himself if necessary.	I'm actually beginning to enjoy this.
-You've come to me. I wanted to believe you would one day.	I haven't come to you.
-I haven't come to you.	But you're here. So you must have come to me.
-In other words I never understood until today how much pain and anxiety you've been causing with your reviews. Steven, it's so unfair.	Of course it's unfair. The truth is always unfair. Why do you think I live this way? Hiding out. Stealing electricity from a lamp post. Because people who write the truth are outcasts of society. I can't live openly, in a nice clean doorman building, with my name on the mailbox. They'd come after me in packs.
-Of course it's unfair. The truth is always unfair. Why do you think I live this way? Hiding out. Stealing electricity from a lamp post. Because people who write the truth are outcasts of society. I can't live openly, in a nice clean doorman building, with my name on the mailbox. They'd come after me in packs.	Not if you stopped hurting people. Write the truth gently.
-Not if you stopped hurting people. Write the truth gently.	The truth is never gentle. Listen to me carefully. Each of us lives in the thinnest possible wrapping of wishes and dreams. Truth is the force that penetrates this wispy skin. It hurts and maims.
-Yes. I've seen your victims. One past and one future. I thought I might convince you to reconsider.	And I thought, at last, she's here, she wants me.
-And I thought, at last, she's here, she wants me.	I don't want you, Steven.
-Stay. Teach me to be compassionate.	I'm going home to my machine.
-"""A high court judge has confirmed that Mr. Gandhi would have been within his rights to prosecute for assault since neither he nor Mr. Khan resisted arrest."" -- I told you about English law."	As I told you about English policemen.
-Just like proper English gentlemen. I'm proud of them.	They are boys. -- And they're Indian.
-"Here, you see? Even the South African papers apologize -- ""a monstrous attack."""	Are you sure?
-Are you sure?	Yes -- I can't talk like this.
-Oww!	Mr. Khan said they called you brave.
-Sora was sent to tell me I -- I must rake and cover the latrine.	Everyone takes his turn.
-Everyone takes his turn.	It is the work of untouchables.
-It is the work of untouchables.	In this place there are no untouchables -- and no work is beneath any of us!
-In this place there are no untouchables -- and no work is beneath any of us!	I am your wife.
-I am your wife.	All the more reason.
-Please! You're being foolish!	There's no room! And the air is lovely.
-God gave you ten thumbs.	Eleven.
-"""Take a fifth step, that we may serve the people."""	"""I will follow close behind you and help to serve the people."""
-"""Take a sixth step, that we may follow our vows in life."""	"""I will follow you in all our vows and duties."""
-No -- prison is rather agreeable to me, and there is no doubt that after the war, independence will come. My only worry is what shape it will take. Jinnah has --	Stop!
-"""...what shape it will take."" Jinnah has -- what?"	Jinnah has -- has cooperated with the British. It has given him power and the freedom to speak, and he has filled the Muslims with fears of what will happen to them in a country that is predominantly Hindu.  That I find hard to bear -- even in prison.
-But do you really believe you could use non-violence against someone like Hitler?	Not without defeats -- and great pain.  But are there no defeats in this war -- no pain?  What you cannot do is accept injustice. From Hitler -- or anyone. You must make the injustice visible -- be prepared to die like a soldier to do so.
-Is my finger supposed to be wrapped around that?	No. That is what you get for distracting me.
-No. That is what you get for distracting me.	What do you expect when you talk like that?
-What do you expect when you talk like that?	I expect you to show as much patience as I am now.
-You really are going to Pakistan, then?  You are a stubborn man.	I'm simply going to prove to Muslims there, and Hindus here, that the only devils in the world are those running around in our own hearts -- and that's where all our battles ought to be fought.
-Enough.	One more.
-Just an admirer...	Nothing's more dangerous, especially for an old man.
-You'd be Gandhi --  ...I thought you'd be bigger.	I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.	I -- I mean it's all right. It doesn't matter.  I'm -- my name is Andrews, Charlie Andrews. I've come from India -- I've read a great deal about you.
-I -- I mean it's all right. It doesn't matter.  I'm -- my name is Andrews, Charlie Andrews. I've come from India -- I've read a great deal about you.	Some of it good, I hope.
-You're a clergyman.	Yes. I've -- I've met some very remarkable people in India... and -- and when I read what you've been doing here, I -- I wanted to help.  Does that surprise you?
-Yes. I've -- I've met some very remarkable people in India... and -- and when I read what you've been doing here, I -- I wanted to help.  Does that surprise you?	Not anymore.  At first I was amazed... but when you are fighting in a just cause, people seem to pop up -- like you -- right out of the pavement. Even when it is dangerous or --
-That was lucky.	I thought you were a man of God.
-I thought you were a man of God.	I am. But I'm not so egotistical as to think He plans His day around my dilemmas.
-"That's the sort of thing you'll be seeking on this ""farm""..."	Well, we shall try.
-No violence, please.	Let me hang on with two hands or I will fall.
-What are you doing?	Going nearer to God!
-"Not quite. They're only ""holding me"" until the Magistrate's hearing. Then it will be prison."	Did they take your clothes?
-If I want to be one with them, I have to live like them.	I think you do.  But I thank God we all don't.
-I'm sure your legs are quite as handsome as mine.	Ah, but my puritanism runs the another way. I'm far too modest for such a display.
-"They're calling you ""Bapu."" I thought it meant father."	It does. We must be getting old, Charlie.
-...and I knew something had to give. And I was determined to be here when it did.	How does a reporter in Central America learn that Gandhi was born in Porbandar anyway?
-How does a reporter in Central America learn that Gandhi was born in Porbandar anyway?	Oh, I've been a Gandhi buff for a long time.
-You mean Gandhi?	Back in South Africa...  long time ago.
-Back in South Africa...  long time ago.	What was he like?
-What was he like?	Lots of hair... and a little like a college freshman -- trying to figure everything out.
-Lots of hair... and a little like a college freshman -- trying to figure everything out.	Well, he must've found some of the answers...
-What'd he say?	He said he's in charge...
-Tell me -- do you think about hell?	"""Hell!"""
-"""Hell!"""	No -- neither do I. But...  but this man is a Christian and he has written --
-Excuse me, baas, but how long have you been in South Africa?	A -- a week.
-A -- a week.	Well, I don't know how you got a ticket for --
-I'll take your luggage back, baas.	No, no -- just a moment, please.
-We only make wild speeches, or perform even wilder acts of terrorism. We've bred an army of anarchists but not one single group that can really fight the British anywhere.	I thought you were against fighting.
-Fortunately such news comes very slowly where I live.	I think if we all worked to publicize it... all of the Congress... every avenue we know.
-Maybe I'm wrong... maybe we're not ready yet. In South Africa the numbers were small...	The Government's afraid, and they don't know what to do. But they're more afraid of terrorists than of you. The Viceroy has agreed to your release if you will speak for non- violence.
-The Government's afraid, and they don't know what to do. But they're more afraid of terrorists than of you. The Viceroy has agreed to your release if you will speak for non- violence.	I've never spoken for anything else.
-What can we do?	We must end the campaign.
-If we obtain our freedom by murder and bloodshed I want no part of it.	It was one incident.
-It was one incident.	Tell that to the families of the policemen who died.
-I don't believe it -- even the British can't be that stupid!	Panditji -- please, help me.
-And Jinnah?	He's waiting. He's not prepared to accept it will mean as much as you think.
-He's waiting. He's not prepared to accept it will mean as much as you think.	Wait and see... wait and see...
-They are only clinging to old dreams  and trying to split us in the old way. But the will has gone -- Independence will drop like a ripe apple. The only question is when  and how.	I say when is now -- and we will determine how.
-What do you want?	That the fighting will stop -- that you make me believe it will never start again.
-Without a paper -- a journal of some kind -- you cannot unite a community.  You belong to a very important profession.	"Hm. And what should an ""important professional"" write about your response to General Smuts's new legislation?"
-"Hm. And what should an ""important professional"" write about your response to General Smuts's new legislation?"	"I don't know... I'm still searching for a ""response."""
-"I don't know... I'm still searching for a ""response."""	You will respect the law.
-You will respect the law.	There are unjust laws -- as there are unjust men.
-"Well, it's quite a place, your ""ashram"" -- is that right?"	"That's right. The word only means ""community."" But it could stand for ""village""... or the world."
-You're an ambitious man.	I hope not.
-It's beautiful.	Even as a boy I thought so.
-And you've come all this way because you think something is going to happen?	Hm.  Is it?
-Hm.  Is it?	Perhaps. I've come here to think about it.
-Do you remember much of South Africa?	A great deal.
-A great deal.	I've traveled so far -- and thought so much.  As you can see, my city was a sea city -- always filled with Hindus and Muslims and Sikhs and Jews and Persians.  The temple where you were yesterday is of my family's sect, the Pranami. It was Hindu of course but the priests used to read from the Muslim Koran and the Hindu Gita, moving from one to the other as though it mattered not at all which book was read as long as God was worshipped.
-You've done me a great service.	It would have been uncivil of me to have let you make such a long trip for nothing.
-Is it over if they arrest you now?	Not if they arrest me -- or a thousand -- or ten thousand.  It is not only generals who know how to plan campaigns.
-Are you going to walk all the way?	My name is Walk-er. And I intend to report it the way it is.
-It has. But you'd be surprised. They understand -- they really do. It's not the workers you have to worry about.	Good.  Ba will have to teach you to spin too.
-Good.  Ba will have to teach you to spin too.	I would rather march.
-I would rather march.	First spin. Let the others march for a time.
-Do you find me stubborn?	I don't know... I know you are right. I don't know that this is right.
-I'm sure I'm fit for at least five hundred miles.	You should ride the pony. It is not necessary to walk to prove the point.
-It is foolish if it is just to save the life of an old man.	No... no. In every temple and mosque they have pledged to die before they lift a hand against each other.
-We hope you intend to join us in the struggle for Home Rule, Mr. Gandhi.	I --
-The honor is ours. May I introduce Mr. Kallenbach. He's an old friend  and his interest is in flowers. I presumed to tell him he could wander your gardens while we talked.	I'll send my gardener. I'm sure you'll have much to discuss.
-You mean a general strike?	I mean a day of prayer and fasting. But of course no work could be done -- no buses, no trains, no factories, no administration. The country would stop.
-After what they did at the massacre -- it's only an eye for an eye.	An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.  We must stop.
-I will not sit by to see the mastery of the British replaced by the mastery of the Hindus!	Muslim and Hindu are the right and left eye of India. No one will be slave, no one master.
-Who is that young man?	That's young Nehru. He's got his father's intellect, his mother's looks and the devil's charm. If they don't ruin him at Cambridge -- Wave! Wave! -- he may amount to something.
-I must say when I first saw you as a bumbling lawyer here in Bombay I never thought I'd be greeting you as a national hero.	I'm hardly that, Mr. Patel.
-I'm hardly that, Mr. Patel.	Oh, yes, you are. It's been two hundred years since an Indian has cocked a snoot at the British Empire and got away with it. And stop calling me Mr. Patel, you're not a junior clerk anymore.
-Oh, yes, you are. It's been two hundred years since an Indian has cocked a snoot at the British Empire and got away with it. And stop calling me Mr. Patel, you're not a junior clerk anymore.	No.
-I am beginning to know Mr. Nehru.	Well, I've called you here because I've had a chance to see the new legislation. It's exactly what was rumored. Arrest without warrant. Automatic imprisonment for possession of materials considered seditious...
-It must have been the only Non-violent campaign ever led by a man who wanted to kill everybody every day.	Not true!  The secret is mastering the urge.
-They are preparing for war. I will not support it, but I do not intend to take advantage of their danger.	That's when you take advantage.
-We need your help!	There is nothing I can give.
-In England, I was a poor student but I --	That was England.
-You mean you employ Mr. Baker as your attorney, but you can't walk down the street with him?	"I can. But I risk being kicked into the gutter by someone less ""holy"" than Mr. Baker."
-Well, then, it must be fought. We are children of God like everyone else.	Allah be praised. And what battalions will you call upon?
-Allah be praised. And what battalions will you call upon?	I -- I will write to the press -- here -- and in England.  And I will use the courts.
-They're sparing no one, I see.	No. You were the surprise. It's been all over the prison. We thought they'd be too afraid of the English press.
-No. You were the surprise. It's been all over the prison. We thought they'd be too afraid of the English press.	So did I.
-I don't know who they've left out there to do the work. There can't be one mine left open. Have they touched the women?	My wife publicly defied the law. They've arrested her and four others.
-My wife publicly defied the law. They've arrested her and four others.	The fools!  Sorry...
-The fools!  Sorry...	It's split the Government.
-It's split the Government.	Well, that's one victory.
-If we hold firm, it won't be the last.	Don't worry -- I've never seen men so determined. You've given them a way to fight... And I don't think --
-Will you have a glass of sherry?	Thank you. No.
-Perhaps some tea?	I dined at the prison.
-I dined at the prison.	Ahh.
-"Mr. Gandhi, I've more or less decided to ask the House to repeal the Act that you have taken such ""exception"" to."	Well, if you ask, General Smuts, I'm sure it will be done.
-Hm. Of course it is not quite that simple.	Somehow I expected not.
-I'm glad to hear you say that... very glad. You see if we repeal the Act under pressure  under this kind of pressure it will create a great deal of resentment. Can you understand that?	Very well.
-"Good. Good.  I have thought of calling for a Royal Commission to ""investigate"" the new legislation.  I think I could guarantee they would recommend the Act be repealed."	I congratulate them.
-You're an extraordinary man.	I assure you I feel a very ordinary man at this moment.
-Assuming we are in agreement?	Yes -- yes. It's just that... in these clothes I'd -- I'd prefer to go by taxi.
-Yes -- yes. It's just that... in these clothes I'd -- I'd prefer to go by taxi.	All right. Fine.
-All right. Fine.	I'm -- I'm afraid I have no money.
-I'm -- I'm afraid I have no money.	Oh!  Neither have I.  I'm awfully sorry.
-"And that's the basis of this ""Declaration of Independence""?"	"Yes, sir. The day he sets off everyone is supposed to raise the flag of ""Free India."" Then he walks some two hundred and forty miles to the sea and makes salt."
-...There's been no time to keep figures, but there must be ninety -- a hundred thousand under arrest.  And it still goes on.	Who's leading them?
-Who's leading them?	I don't know! Nehru, Patel, almost every Congress Official is in jail... and their wives and their children -- we've even arrested Nehru's mother.
-He's addressed this letter directly to you, has he?	Yes, sir, he has. The usual -- India's salt belongs to India -- but then he says flatly that he personally is going to lead a raid tomorrow on the Dharasana Salt Works.
-Yes, sir, he has. The usual -- India's salt belongs to India -- but then he says flatly that he personally is going to lead a raid tomorrow on the Dharasana Salt Works.	Thank him for his letter, and put him in jail.
-Ah -- we should invite Gandhi. What the devil has happened to him anyway?	"He's ""discovering"" India."
-Have you read his magazine?	No -- but I think I'm going to.
-Bapu, for me, and the rest,  if that is what you want, we will accept it. But out there  already there is rioting because Hindus fear you are going to give too much away.	If you did this, no one could control it. No one.
-He was right. It's insane -- anything would have been better.	Have you found him?
-In Calcutta it's like civil war. The Muslims rose and there was a bloodbath, and now the Hindus are taking revenge -- and if we can't stop it there'll be no hope for the Hindus left in Pakistan.	...an eye for an eye making the whole world blind.
-Could we cut all news off? I know --	Bapu -- please. Where are you going.
-You almost sound like you believe that.	Come with me now, Vincent.  You've gone as far as you can go.
-Come with me now, Vincent.  You've gone as far as you can go.	There are a few million miles to go yet.
-There are a few million miles to go yet.	It's over.
-It's over.	Is that the only way you can succeed, Anton, to see me fail?
-Is that the only way you can succeed, Anton, to see me fail?	It's for the best.
-It's for the best.	God, even you want to tell me what I can't do. In case you hadn't noticed, Anton, I don't need rescuing.  But you did, once.
-Well?  You have all the answers.  How is that possible?	You didn't beat me that day.  I beat myself.
-You didn't beat me that day.  I beat myself.	Who are you trying to convince?
-Who are you trying to convince?	I will prove it to you.  Come swim with me now, Vincent.  Now--tonight.
-How are you doing this, Vincent?  How have you done any of this?	Now is your chance to find out.
-Vincent, where's the shore?  We're too far out. We have to go back!	Too late for that.  We're closer to the other side.
-We were wondering if we should leave some things to chance.	You want to give your child the best possible start.  Believe me, we have enough imperfection built-in already.  Your child doesn't need any additional burdens.  And keep in mind, this child is still you, simply the best of you. You could conceive naturally a thousand times and never get such a result.
-You want to give your child the best possible start.  Believe me, we have enough imperfection built-in already.  Your child doesn't need any additional burdens.  And keep in mind, this child is still you, simply the best of you. You could conceive naturally a thousand times and never get such a result.	He's right, Maria.  That's right.
-Is there any reason you'd want a left-handed child?	Er, no...
-Er, no...	Some believe it is associated with creativity, although there's no evidence.  Also for sports like baseball it can be an advantage.
-Some believe it is associated with creativity, although there's no evidence.  Also for sports like baseball it can be an advantage.	I like football.
-I like football.	I have to warn you, Mr Luca, he's going to be at least a head taller than you. Prepare for a crick in the neck in sixteen years time.
-How much extra?	It would be five thousand more.
-I'm sorry, there's no way we can.	Don't worry.  You'll probably do just as well singing to him in the womb.  We can implant the most successful pre-embryo tomorrow afternoon.
-So you've finally seen sense and come back to your old job, Vincent.	Not yet, I'm afraid.
-Not yet, I'm afraid.	No?  What's keeping you?
-No?  What's keeping you?	I guess I'm a slow learner.
-I guess I'm a slow learner.	I guess so.  Well, while you're up there, maybe you could tidy the place up a bit.
-I guess so.  Well, while you're up there, maybe you could tidy the place up a bit.	I'll see what I can do.
-And don't go getting everybody lost out there. You'll give us a bad name.  You won't have me to keep an eye on you, you know.	By the way, I left some trash in your locker.
-By the way, I left some trash in your locker.	I'll take care of it.
-I don't understand why you were dragged out here, Sir.  It's hardly worth wasting your time--a no-nothing case like this.	A man's dead, Detective.
-A man's dead, Detective.	Of course, Sir.  We're checking the entry log, alibis, grudges...
-Of course, Sir.  We're checking the entry log, alibis, grudges...	Grudges?
-Grudges?	I look around, I see a lot of dry eyes. The Director was not...  ...universally loved.  He was leading the cut-backs in the program.  You're looking at a room full of motives.
-I look around, I see a lot of dry eyes. The Director was not...  ...universally loved.  He was leading the cut-backs in the program.  You're looking at a room full of motives.	No, this is your man.
-No, this is your man.	With respect, Sir--it may be the only unaccountable specimen but the profile suggests--
-With respect, Sir--it may be the only unaccountable specimen but the profile suggests--	--What about his profile?
-According to this, he's a sick man.  Congenital heart condition.  Who knows how long the specimen has been here but there's an 80 percent chance the owner of that eyelash has already died himself from natural causes.	So there's a 20 percent chance he's not dead.
-Even if this Vincent Luca is alive, is it likely he could bludgeon a man to death?	No.  Not likely.
-Of course that doesn't jibe with what we found.  This was an angry killing.	"Who knows with these ""deficients""?  His profile indicates a proclivity for violence."
-"Who knows with these ""deficients""?  His profile indicates a proclivity for violence."	I'll run a crossover on the eyelash for any family or associate connections--
-I'll run a crossover on the eyelash for any family or associate connections--	--I've already run it.  There's no record of any living relative.
---I've already run it.  There's no record of any living relative.	What a pity.
-What a pity.	Detective Hugo, it's a simple case of lost and found.  All we have to do is locate the man who's minus an eyelash and this murder will solve itself.
-We're in the wrong place.  We're wasting time.	This is the most likely location--
-"--There's that word again.  I have a feeling This man doesn't play the odds, Detective.  Not exactly a slave to probability.  Is it ""likely"" that a man who has successfully eluded authorities for fifteen years--a brutal killer--is going to come to us now like a lamb?"	Is there something more we should know about this suspect, Sir?  I mean besides what's on his sheet.
-Is there something more we should know about this suspect, Sir?  I mean besides what's on his sheet.	Since going underground, traces of this In-Valid have shown up at the scene of four serious felonies.  Do you need any more than that?
-Since going underground, traces of this In-Valid have shown up at the scene of four serious felonies.  Do you need any more than that?	With respect, Sir, many perfectly innocent citizens have left specimens at as many crime scenes.  Maybe he's just unlucky.
-With respect, Sir, many perfectly innocent citizens have left specimens at as many crime scenes.  Maybe he's just unlucky.	I don't like anybody this unlucky.  Widen the sweep.  The West side.  Draw a five mile radius around Gattaca.  Hoover some of the classier establishments.  Random car stops.
-I don't like anybody this unlucky.  Widen the sweep.  The West side.  Draw a five mile radius around Gattaca.  Hoover some of the classier establishments.  Random car stops.	We're already getting complaints about frivolous search.
-We're already getting complaints about frivolous search.	This is a murder investigation.  The public should be happy to co-operate, to get this disease off the streets.
-The skin flake was found in Michael's Restaurant. The employees are all accounted for.	A customer?  Does this Michael's cater to misfits?
-A customer?  Does this Michael's cater to misfits?	"No.  But one or two ""borrowed ladders"" have shown up there in the past."
-"Of course.  He's a ""de-gene-erate"".  He works at Gattaca.  Why else would we find the eyelash near the washroom?  Nobody stops to take a leak during a murder."	It's still possible the eyelash specimen came from a janitor, delivery man--it could have blown in through an open window.
-He was afraid of being exposed.  That's why he did it.	It is hard to believe he could be one of their elite workers.  You've seen their security system.  They know who works there.  Even if you ignore the man's expiration date, his profile suggests that he doesn't have the mathematical propensity let alone the stamina to pass their physicals.
-It is hard to believe he could be one of their elite workers.  You've seen their security system.  They know who works there.  Even if you ignore the man's expiration date, his profile suggests that he doesn't have the mathematical propensity let alone the stamina to pass their physicals.	Don't underestimate these imposters.
-Don't underestimate these imposters.	None of the ID photos match the enhancement.
-None of the ID photos match the enhancement.	A man can change his face--but blood is forever. Sample every employee within the parameters I gave you.  Intravenous.
-You know their workforce.  Two-thirds at least fall into the category.  We'll be closing down their operation for days.  At least go with a fingertip sample or urine.	Blood.  From the vein.
-That's the last.	Something's not right.
-Something's not right.	He's not here.  It's a blind alley.
-He's not here.  It's a blind alley.	No, we've missed something.  We Hoover again.
-No, we've missed something.  We Hoover again.	We don't have the manpower.
-We don't have the manpower.	Get it.  From outside, if you have to.
-Get it.  From outside, if you have to.	From what budget?
-From what budget?	I'll take it out of your damn pension if you question my authority one more time!
-What are you waiting for?	Where do we start?
-Where do we start?	We'll vacuum these streets if we have to.
-Positive saliva match.  The cup was definitely used since the original sweep.	So we have two choices.  Either our suspect came back to the murder scene for a drink of water and I don't know anybody that thirsty or...  ...he is here.  We test again.  You're right, Hugo, this was a desperate act.  Someone had a lot to lose that night--perhaps their place in line.  I'd like the profiles of everyone with an upcoming mission.
-We found his spit in the dead director's eye. He's signed a confession--supplied us with the suit he wore on the night.  What more do you want?	Luca could still be an accomplice.
-It's not exactly him.	Where did you get this?
-How often do you test, Director?	Often.
-Often.	Surely you know what you have.
-Surely you know what you have.	We have to be certain.  Once they're up, we can hardly turn the boat around.
-We believe we have a suspect.	What a relief.
-What a relief.	This unaccountable specimen was found in the south wing corridor.
-Would you care to look--in the telescope?	Thank you, no.
-Thank you, no.	One look through there and you would know why I can't possibly allow you to disrupt operations any further.
-One look through there and you would know why I can't possibly allow you to disrupt operations any further.	You're so unconcerned that you have a killer in your midst.
-You're so unconcerned that you have a killer in your midst.	Right now, your presence is creating more of a threat.  I don't think you have any concept of what we do here--how meticulous our preparations must be.  We are about to send twelve people through 140 million miles of blackness to rendezvous with an object the size of a house and the color of coal.  So it's rather critical to point them in the right direction. And we certainly don't need you looking over our shoulders.  Besides, I don't believe there is any evidence that the killer is amongst us.  I don't see too many other dead bodies littering the place.
-Right now, your presence is creating more of a threat.  I don't think you have any concept of what we do here--how meticulous our preparations must be.  We are about to send twelve people through 140 million miles of blackness to rendezvous with an object the size of a house and the color of coal.  So it's rather critical to point them in the right direction. And we certainly don't need you looking over our shoulders.  Besides, I don't believe there is any evidence that the killer is amongst us.  I don't see too many other dead bodies littering the place.	No, but since there aren't too many live ones tonight either, you won't mind us conducting one further sweep.  If he does not work here, then there should be no other trace of him.  I think you'd better get some people out of bed, Detective.  In the meantime we can re-check his favorite haunt.
-Twelve have a mission within the week.	This time I will supervise each test personally.
-At least it's nothing contagious.	I will not permit any further testing on the eve of a mission.  We're already counting backwards.
-Hello.	Jerome--?
-Jerome--?	Hello, sweatheart.  Come on up.
-Good to see you're feeling better.	"Now you're here.  Who are your ""friends""?"
-"Now you're here.  Who are your ""friends""?"	It's about the Director.
-It's about the Director.	Again?
-That's where we get rid of the traces of him although we never truly succeeded.	I've been looking for him.  Do you know where he is?
-I've been looking for him.  Do you know where he is?	He's probably leaving some more of me around the place before he goes.
-Don't be deceived, Irene.  These are just the clothes.  He has to wear them. Something I could never do.	What's wrong with him?
-What's wrong with him?	You have more in common than you know.
-Okay, how tall did you used to be?	Six one.
-Six one.	He's too tall.
-You okay, Jerome?	Yeah.  You want to go dancing tonight?
-What's wrong with it?	I think I'd better choose the menu.  After all, you're learning how to be me, I'm not learning how to be you.
-I think I'd better choose the menu.  After all, you're learning how to be me, I'm not learning how to be you.	Suit yourself.
-Suit yourself.	Listen, I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful --I know you and that little broker--what do you call him?
-Listen, I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful --I know you and that little broker--what do you call him?	German.
-German.	You're both going to a lot of trouble--  Maybe you can con somebody into believing you're me to get your foot in the door--but once you're inside, you're on your own.  I'm sure you're sincere...  ...but I was being groomed for something like this myself.  Even without the accident I don't think I would have made it.  My point is--how the hell do you expect to pull this off?
-I don't know exactly, Jerome.	At least you're honest.  Call me by my middle name--Eugene--If you're going to be Jerome, you may as well start getting used to it.
-I have to know where you come from.	If anybody asks, tell them the truth-- your family disowns you.  You are a disappointment, Jerome.
-If anybody asks, tell them the truth-- your family disowns you.  You are a disappointment, Jerome.	What about this?
-What about this?	Wrong color.  It's silver.  It's not easy living up to this.
-It needs work.	You had to be a right-hander.
-You had to be a right-hander.	Noone orders southpaws anymore.
-You really need that much?	More than that.  You'll get used to it.
-More than that.  You'll get used to it.	God, what wouldn't you do to leave the planet?
-God, what wouldn't you do to leave the planet?	Leave?  Just a few million years ago every atom in this hair--in our bodies--was a part of a star. I don't see it as leaving.  I see it as going home.
-Leave?  Just a few million years ago every atom in this hair--in our bodies--was a part of a star. I don't see it as leaving.  I see it as going home.	God, you're serious, aren't you?
-It's not too late to back out.	You don't know what a relief it is not to be me.  Are you sure you want the job?
-What about you?  What's in this for you, Eugene?	Listen, I bag this stuff anyway.  It may as well pay my rent.
-Who died?	The Mission Director.
-The Mission Director.	You wish.
-You wish.	They found him in his office this morning-- beaten so bad they had to check his nametag.
-What an act of benevolence--a service to the community.  So that's it.  Now there's nothing between you and ignition.	He was still warm when they confirmed.
-He was still warm when they confirmed.	This calls for a celebration.  Doesn't it?
-This calls for a celebration.  Doesn't it?	The place is crawling with Hoovers.
-The place is crawling with Hoovers.	So what?  You didn't kill him, did you?
-That's not the point.	"Hey, how much of you can be there?  Even if the ""J. Edgars"" do find something, in a week--  you'll be slightly out of their jurisdiction.  Come on, we've got to get drunk immediately."
-"Hey, how much of you can be there?  Even if the ""J. Edgars"" do find something, in a week--  you'll be slightly out of their jurisdiction.  Come on, we've got to get drunk immediately."	You're going to have to earn your supper.  I've got my final physical tomorrow.
-Let's get out of here.	You're right, there's more atmosphere where you're going.
-I gotta stop!!  I gotta stop!!	Keep going!!  Keep going!!
-At least up there your piss will be worth something.  You'll all be showering in it, right?	And drinking it.  It's like Evian by the time it's filtered.
-And drinking it.  It's like Evian by the time it's filtered.	What is that one?
-11.15 to the port.  A maintenance crew.	How long do you stay up there before you go?
-How long do you stay up there before you go?	A day or so.
-A day or so.	I still can't believe they're sending you to the Belt--you of all people--never meant to be born, on a mission to discover the origin of life.
-Up there they wouldn't be a problem.	You know I'm scared of heights.
-I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.	It's okay, Eugene.
-It's okay, Eugene.	You know I wasn't drunk--I knew what I was doing when I walked in front of that car--
-You know I wasn't drunk--I knew what I was doing when I walked in front of that car--	--What car?--Go to sleep.
---What car?--Go to sleep.	--I walked right in front of it.  I was never more sober in my life.
-It's all right.	I'm proud of you, Vincent.
-Call German.	Any particular reason?
-Any particular reason?	We can't stay here.
-We can't stay here.	What are you talking about?
-What are you talking about?	They think I offed the Director.
-What makes them think that?	They found my eyelash.
-They found my eyelash.	Where?
-Where?	In a corridor.
-In a corridor.	Could be worse.  They could have found it in your eye.
-Come on--we're taking off.	I'm not going anywhere.  Less than a week to go. Not on your life--
-I'm not going anywhere.  Less than a week to go. Not on your life--	--You don't understand, they'll make the connection, they'll hoover again.  We should cut our losses.
---You don't understand, they'll make the connection, they'll hoover again.  We should cut our losses.	Where is your head, Jerome?  You're acting like a guilty man.  They won't marry the eyelash to you.  They won't believe that one of their elite navigators could have suckered them for the last five years.
-Where is your head, Jerome?  You're acting like a guilty man.  They won't marry the eyelash to you.  They won't believe that one of their elite navigators could have suckered them for the last five years.	They'll recognize me.
-They'll recognize me.	How could they recognize you?  I don't recognize you.  Anyway, you don't have a choice.  You run, you may as well sign a confession, turn us both in right now.  No, we stick this out-- find out what we can but change nothing.  This is a minor inconvenience is all it is.  We've taken worse heat than this.  Jesus, if I'd known you were going to go belly up on me at the last fucking gasp, I wouldn't have bothered.  You can't quit on me now.  I've put too much into this.  Besides, this stuff is mine.  I had other offers, you know.  I could have rented myself out to somebody with a spine.  You want me to wheel in there and finish the job myself?  We'll take off all right, from pad 18 just like we planned.
-And keep your lashes on your lids where they belong.  How could you be so careless?	I'm sorry.  I think I was crying.
-You really had other offers?	I'm sure I could have.
-So it's not just the Hoovers who've got you rattled.	You're the one who said not to change anything. She's my ear to the investigation.
-You're the one who said not to change anything. She's my ear to the investigation.	Is that all?
-Is that all?	I've got enough on my mind without that.
-I've got enough on my mind without that.	If you say so.  The stripe.
-If you say so.  The stripe.	Good choice.
-Not thirsty?  We've got enough virgin samples to last us the week.	I don't feel too good.  I think I'm still drunk from last night.
-I don't feel too good.  I think I'm still drunk from last night.	Never stopped you before.  And for God's sake stop plucking your hair. Someone went to a lot of trouble to make sure you wouldn't go bald.
-Never stopped you before.  And for God's sake stop plucking your hair. Someone went to a lot of trouble to make sure you wouldn't go bald.	If I were you I'd worry about myself.  Haven't you forgotten something?
-How was your evening?	Complicated.  I couldn't stop her apologizing.
-Complicated.  I couldn't stop her apologizing.	"You are a catch.  No doubt she's worried that she would lower the standard of your offspring. Everybody wants to ""breed up"".  What's wrong with her?"
-"You are a catch.  No doubt she's worried that she would lower the standard of your offspring. Everybody wants to ""breed up"".  What's wrong with her?"	You know how it is with these altered births --somebody told her she's not going to live forever and she's been preparing to die ever since.
-You know how it is with these altered births --somebody told her she's not going to live forever and she's been preparing to die ever since.	You're not thinking of telling her, are you?
-You're not thinking of telling her, are you?	Of course not.  But she's have to know eventually.
-Of course not.  But she's have to know eventually.	She doesn't have to know.  She doesn't want to know.
-Where are we going?	I'm sorry.  I've got plans.
-I'm sorry.  I've got plans.	Again?
-Again?	She's already got her doubts.  I have to act like nothing's wrong.
-She's already got her doubts.  I have to act like nothing's wrong.	I'm sure you'll be very convincing.
-Where are you taking her?	Michael's.
-Everybody goes there.	You may as well invite her here.
-You may as well invite her here.	Will you be okay?
-Will you be okay?	Don't worry about your little pin cushion. To be honest, I'm looking forward to having the place to myself.
-Don't worry about your little pin cushion. To be honest, I'm looking forward to having the place to myself.	We'll still be able to talk when I'm away. The conversation will just keep getting longer.
-We'll still be able to talk when I'm away. The conversation will just keep getting longer.	How long?
-How long?	"By the time I'm at the Belt, you phone and say, ""How are you?""  Forty-five minutes later I reply, ""Not bad.  How are you?"""
-"By the time I'm at the Belt, you phone and say, ""How are you?""  Forty-five minutes later I reply, ""Not bad.  How are you?"""	I guess I'd better have something important to say if it takes that long to get an answer.
-Hello?	How would you like to be yourself for the day?
-How would you like to be yourself for the day?	I was never very good at it, remember?
-How are you, Jerome?	Not bad, Jerome.
-Not bad, Jerome.	How the hell did you get here.
-How the hell did you get here.	I could always walk.  I've been faking it.
-I have your samples ready.	Have you forgotten?  I don't need any samples where I'm going.
-Have you forgotten?  I don't need any samples where I'm going.	No, but you might need them when you get back.
-Why have you done this?	In case you get back before I do.
-In case you get back before I do.	Where are you going?
-Where are you going?	I'm travelling too.
-Thank you.	I got the better end of the deal.  I just lent you my body--you lent me your dream.
-First, we may as well decide on gender. Have you given it any thought?	We would like Vincent to have a brother... you know, to play with.
-You've already specified blue eyes, dark hair and fair skin.  I have taken the liberty of eradicating any potentially prejudicial conditions - premature baldness, myopia, alcoholism and addictive susceptibility, propensity for violence and obesity--	--We didn't want--diseases, yes.
-Anything I've forgotten?	We want him--we were hoping he would get married and have children.  We'd like grandchildren.
-We want him--we were hoping he would get married and have children.  We'd like grandchildren.	I understand.  That's already been taken care of.  Now you appreciate I can only work with the raw material I have at my disposal but for a little extra...I could also attempt to insert sequences associated with enhanced mathematical or musical ability.
-I understand.  That's already been taken care of.  Now you appreciate I can only work with the raw material I have at my disposal but for a little extra...I could also attempt to insert sequences associated with enhanced mathematical or musical ability.	Antonio, the choir...
-Antonio, the choir...	I have to caution you it's not fool-proof. With multi-gene traits there can be no guarantees.
-What will happen to the others?	"They are not babies, Maria, merely ""human possibilities""."
-What do you think?	I think I could do something  provided you know what you're doing and you can meet the terms.
-Vincent...Vincent...	German, is that you?
-German, is that you?	Vincent, come down.  I've found him.
-He has the heart of an ox.  He could run through a Goddamn wall--if he could still run. Actually, he was a big college swimming star.	I hope he's not just a body.
-I hope he's not just a body.	No problem.  Before he dropped out he was an honor student, the right majors--
-No problem.  Before he dropped out he was an honor student, the right majors--	How do I square the accident?
-How do I square the accident?	It happened in Australasia.  He checked in yesterday.  No family complications, no record he ever broke his neck.  As far as anybody's concerned, he's still a walking, talking, fully-productive member of society. You just have to get him off the pipe and fill in the last two years of his life.  Excuse me, your life.
-Yeah.	I'd have to bleach my hair.
-I'd have to bleach my hair.	Why are you inventing problems?  You two are a couple of goddam clones.  You look so right together, I want to double my fee.
-Why are you inventing problems?  You two are a couple of goddam clones.  You look so right together, I want to double my fee.	How tall are you?
-You can wear lifts.	Even with lifts I'm never that tall.
-Even with lifts I'm never that tall.	There's a way.
-My wife and I--we're thinking of starting a family.	Why not?
-Why not?	These new personality corrections I've been reading about.
-These new personality corrections I've been reading about.	You worried about the cost?
-You worried about the cost?	Not that.
-Not that.	They said the same thing about myopia and obesity.  You think your children would be less human if they were less violent, angry, spiteful?  Maybe they'd be more human.  From where I sit the world could stand a little improving.
-Hugo!  I've found him!	I've found him too.
-I've found him too.	A fingerprint.  There's something to be said for nostalgia.  What did you find?
-No bother.	I've been asked to compile a log for the investigators--they want to know everyone's whereabouts last night.
-I've been asked to compile a log for the investigators--they want to know everyone's whereabouts last night.	Last night?  I was at home.
-Can that be, er, verified?  Were you alone?	No it can't be verified.  Yes I was alone.
-Looks bad, doesn't it, Irene?  What about you?  Where were you last night?	I was at home.
-I was at home.	Were you alone?
-Were you alone?	Yes.
-Yes.	So we don't know for sure about you, either.
-So we don't know for sure about you, either.	No.
-No.	Why don't we say we were together?
-Why don't we say we were together?	Why would we do that?
-Why would we do that?	I have better things to do this week than answer the foolish questions of some flatfoot. Don't you?
-I'm sorry.  I didn't mean anything.	We were just looking.
-We were just looking.	I know about you.
-Have they found our friend?	Friend?
-Friend?	It was a mercy-killing after all.
-It was a mercy-killing after all.	They found an eyelash.
-They found an eyelash.	Where?
-Where?	In the South Wing.
-In the South Wing.	Does it have a name?
-Does it have a name?	Just some In-Valid.  Vincent--  --somebody.
-Perhaps we ought to celebrate, Irene.	You celebrate, Jerome?
-You didn't know?	Yes...yes...
-Yes...yes...	You're angry--
-You're angry--	Why would I be angry?  It was beautiful.
-I envy you, Jerome.	You'll be next.
-You'll be next.	I don't think so.  The only trip I'll make in space is around the sun--  --on this satellite right here.
-It's here.  My heart.  I'm careful--weekly check-ups.  I'm on a drug maintenance program, blood thinners, diet--  I just want you to know what you'd be getting yourself into.	What exactly is wrong?
-What exactly is wrong?	Nothing yet.  I'll start experiencing symptoms in my late-fifties.  But unless they come up with something between now and then, I won't live much past 67.
-Of course I think about it every day.	Of course.
-So you didn't do it after all.	I guess somebody beat me to it.
-What is this place?	You've never been here?  Let me order for you.
-Why are we leaving?	Those checks take forever.
-What about the car?	Let's walk.
-Let's walk.	Who are they?
-Who are they?	It's not safe.  I shouldn't have brought you here.
-I can't.	Come on.
-Come on.	My medication.  I left it back there.
-My medication.  I left it back there.	We'll get it later.  Irene, please.
-What happened?	You remember the '99 Chrysler LeBaron? It's the exact height of the front fender.  Looked right instead of left.
-You remember the '99 Chrysler LeBaron? It's the exact height of the front fender.  Looked right instead of left.	So you're not so smart after all.  I want you to know--if it ever came to it-- I'd be willing to get an ovum from the Egg Bank.  In fact, I'd rather use a donor egg--  --if it came to it.
-So you're not so smart after all.  I want you to know--if it ever came to it-- I'd be willing to get an ovum from the Egg Bank.  In fact, I'd rather use a donor egg--  --if it came to it.	"But ""if it came to it"" then it couldn't have your--  --nose.  How perfect does your child have to be?"
-"But ""if it came to it"" then it couldn't have your--  --nose.  How perfect does your child have to be?"	You hypocrite.  Do you think for one moment you'd be doing what you're doing if it wasn't for who you are--what you are?  Don't you get any satisfaction knowing that your children will be able to live to a ripe old age unless they do something foolish?
-You hypocrite.  Do you think for one moment you'd be doing what you're doing if it wasn't for who you are--what you are?  Don't you get any satisfaction knowing that your children will be able to live to a ripe old age unless they do something foolish?	That's precisely what scaresme--that they won't do anything foolish or courageous or anything--worth a Goddamn.
-What is it?	I forgot something--something at home. I'll see you later.
---when you go away.	We could go together one day.
-A year is a long time.	Not so long--just once around the sun.
-Jerome...never shy.  Pisses on command. You've got a beautiful cock.  I ever told you that, Jerome?	Only every time I'm in here.
-If everything goes to plan, this could be the last time I see you for a while.  One week to go.  Please tell me you're the least bit excited.	I'll tell you at the end of the week.
-I've got enough here.	Need any more, you can always get it off his shoes.
-What's this, Lamar?	New policy.
-Flight got you nervous?	There's a problem, Lamar.
-There's a problem, Lamar.	Did I ever tell you about my son, Jerome?  He's a big fan of yours.  He wants to apply here.
-Just remember, Lamar, I could have gone up and back and nobody would have been the wiser--	--Unfortunately my son's not all that they promised.  But then, who know what he could do.
-What are you doing?	I can't do this.
-I can't do this.	I told you, the government pays.  It's all taken care of.
-I told you, the government pays.  It's all taken care of.	No, you don't understand.  I can't.
-The doctor will give you something.	I'm not doing it.
-I'm not doing it.	Honey, you've made one mistake--
---I've read your profile.  I don't know about the father but you carry enough hereditary factors on your own.  You can have other children.	Not like this one.
-Not like this one.	Honey, look around you.  The world doesn't want one like that one.
-The name?  For the certificate.	Antonio--
-You gotta be kidding.	Not at all, just a pleasant way to have lunch.
-All it takes is a long arm.	Hard to judge how these things happen. The Parole Board almost never reverses their decisions.
-Hard to judge how these things happen. The Parole Board almost never reverses their decisions.	I guess it was because I was a model prisoner.
-I guess it was because I was a model prisoner.	This is the only time you and I meet in public. Any business with me, handle it with him...
-You're back with your own people now. Got you some professionals.	I get my own help.
-I get my own help.	You run the job, but I run the show. You got two weeks to set it up.
-What about them?	They're mine. The one with the moustache is my brother. They stay out of it. We stay clean.
-Rudy Butler, Frank Jackson...	I heard about you. You work with Miller.
-Sure,  You're working on the passports...  ... and visas?	They will be ready. You guys do your job.
-They will be ready. You guys do your job.	I'll take care of my end.
-I'll take care of my end.	Stay clean.
-Hello, McCoy.	Beynon.
-Beynon.	News said two persons killed.
-Three... Rudy got ambitious.	And you got him...
-And you got him...	That's right.
-What about your wife?	What about her?  Let's c ut up the money, I want to get North.
-You hired Jackson and Rudy., not me.	They may nail me into this now, McCoy.
-They may nail me into this now, McCoy.	That's your problem.
-That's your problem.	You know, you and I may be two of a kind.
-You know, you and I may be two of a kind.	No way. I always do my own work.
-I'm in a hurry.	You still don't get the picture do you? I've always heard what a smart ass operator you are.
-You still don't get the picture do you? I've always heard what a smart ass operator you are.	No applause!
-A simple reason, McCoy. The obvious reason. To rob a bank.	I knew that life didn't add up to the obvious when I was 8.
-I knew that life didn't add up to the obvious when I was 8.	What do you add up to here?
-What do you add up to here?	One. The radio's rappin' about $750^000. We only got a half a million.
-One. The radio's rappin' about $750^000. We only got a half a million.	A little more was taken out before.  My brother's a director of that Bank, Mr. McCoy... I had a few pressing debts.
-A little more was taken out before.  My brother's a director of that Bank, Mr. McCoy... I had a few pressing debts.	So we did that crackerbox... to cover for you.
-So we did that crackerbox... to cover for you.	The obvious.  But we are both not interested in that right now.
-The obvious.  But we are both not interested in that right now.	No.  My old lady must have made a lot of promises.
-No.  My old lady must have made a lot of promises.	Close... but it takes a hell of a lot more than promises to pull the kind of strings I pulled.
-Close... but it takes a hell of a lot more than promises to pull the kind of strings I pulled.	I bet.
-Don't think too badly of her... After all, you were in jail a long time and she is a healthy young woman.	Get it over with...
-We'll try again.	No way. I've got to get out now.
-Hello, Doc.	Hi.
-Hi.	You okay?
-You okay?	I'm a lot better off than I was an hour ago.
-You want to drive?	My license expired, let's get out of here.
-My license expired, let's get out of here.	Sure...
-I'm sorry I was late... I got my hair done... the girl was slow.	It looks fine.
-Feel good?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Where do you want to go?
-Where do you want to go?	I want to take a walk.
-It doesn't look like that.	What do you mean? You've never been there.
-What do you mean? You've never been there.	I've been there every day for the last four years.
-What's Beynon got set up?	Small town, small bank, big money.
-Where did you get those?	I've been doing my homework.
-I've been doing my homework.	Just like old times?
-Just like old times?	Better than old times.
-Better than old times.	I hope so. I am not looking forward to another stretch.
-I hope so. I am not looking forward to another stretch.	I made a mistake. I'll never make another one.
-I made a mistake. I'll never make another one.	Where did you get them developed?
-Where did you get them developed?	Assumed name... Houston.
-Assumed name... Houston.	Good.
-Half a million.	That Beynon's got a long arm.
-That Beynon's got a long arm.	What do you want for dinner?
-What do you want for dinner?	Whisky and a peach.
-How does it taste?	Just the way I remembered.
-You been okay?	Pretty good... Made a quick trip to Oregon, saw my brother and the kids. Figured it would be my last chance, unless they wanted to travel.
-Pretty good... Made a quick trip to Oregon, saw my brother and the kids. Figured it would be my last chance, unless they wanted to travel.	How's Estelle?
-How's Estelle?	Fatter... some things never change.
-Fatter... some things never change.	Boring.
-Boring.	Nothing's been boring since you found me.
-Nothing's been boring since you found me.	That's not all of it.
-That's not all of it.	No. It's been a long time.
-You go out much?	After four years and now the question comes up.
-After four years and now the question comes up.	Couldn't handle it then. Now I can.
-Couldn't handle it then. Now I can.	I'm still here, Doc.
-I guess I'm kind of...	It's all right.
-It's all right.	It's just been a while.
-It's just been a while.	We've got time. We've got a lot of time. I can help you.
-Wait... give me a minute.	Sure.
-I'll be okay.	Listen, I'm just as nervous as you are.
-Listen, I'm just as nervous as you are.	Really?
-Really?	Really.
-How was it?	Better than I remembered.
-I was going to fix you breakfast.	You were asleep.
-You were asleep.	I bought you a lot of new things.
-Yeah, well, I think I'll stick with what I've got.	Suit yourself.
-$250,000 right off the top.	Is he straight?
-Is he straight?	You got the parole, didn't you?
-Thanks again.  I 'm glad you waited.	I couldn't have... much longer.
-I couldn't have... much longer.	Yeah... I know.
-Yeah... I know.	But I got you out. Didn't I, Doc. I did it. I got you out.
-Why are you laughing?	I laugh when I feel happy. Sometimes just thinking of you made me laugh. I had a lot of that. And other times that wasn't enough. I had a lot of that too. I know you find it hard to believe, I'm happy just loving you.
-I laugh when I feel happy. Sometimes just thinking of you made me laugh. I had a lot of that. And other times that wasn't enough. I had a lot of that too. I know you find it hard to believe, I'm happy just loving you.	That doesn't hurt.
-That doesn't hurt.	But sometimes I cried a lot too.
-But sometimes I cried a lot too.	I didn't. I just waited.
-I didn't. I just waited.	Want to cry now?
-... Bank President, three tellers and one guard...	Usually on the right side as you go in.
-Usually on the right side as you go in.	Nail him first, be careful he doesn't panic and want to shoot somebody. Local police have one car, a rover, shouldn't be in the vicinity at the time we hit unless it's answering an emergency call... if the cop car shows up remember it doesn't have any automatic weapons. Only a shotgun braced on the dashboard. Get into a tight spot, you'll be out of range at forty yards. Then they're down to their side guns.
-Nail him first, be careful he doesn't panic and want to shoot somebody. Local police have one car, a rover, shouldn't be in the vicinity at the time we hit unless it's answering an emergency call... if the cop car shows up remember it doesn't have any automatic weapons. Only a shotgun braced on the dashboard. Get into a tight spot, you'll be out of range at forty yards. Then they're down to their side guns.	For exits off Main Street.
-For exits off Main Street.	Should be light traffic that time of day... the Bank Guard carries a .38. These will stop an M.2 at fifty yards.
-Keep going over these. I don't want anybody getting lost.	If we are clean Gollie will take us over at Nogales. If we are hot we'll have to try Laughlin at El Paso.
-You know how I feel?	My mind's not on guessing games.
-Promise you won't laugh.	If it's funny I'm going to laugh.
-If it's funny I'm going to laugh.	I feel like the night before the first day of school.
-I feel like the night before the first day of school.	That bad?
-It will be such a relief not to have to think about it any more.	Waiting's hard. You never learn how.
-Waiting's hard. You never learn how.	You know I've actually gotten tired waiting sometimes... worn out waiting.
-You know I've actually gotten tired waiting sometimes... worn out waiting.	At least you were outside.
-At least you were outside.	It doesn!t make much difference where you are, if you're waiting, Doc.
-It doesn!t make much difference where you are, if you're waiting, Doc.	Bullshit.
-Bullshit.	I mean it.
-I mean it.	I know you do. But it is different.  It's different.  We'll be all right tomorrow.
-I know you do. But it is different.  It's different.  We'll be all right tomorrow.	We are always going to be all right tomorrow. I'd like to be all right a few todays.
-We are always going to be all right tomorrow. I'd like to be all right a few todays.	We're going to have a lot of those,  We're just going to get the money and then go all the way.
-We're going to have a lot of those,  We're just going to get the money and then go all the way.	... and live happily ever after.
-What about the bank?	Jackson panicked and nailed the guard.
-Doc...	I see it...
-They checked in.	Call the ranch, tell Beynotr we'll leave his cut here --
-Call the ranch, tell Beynotr we'll leave his cut here --	Why?
-Why?	There are three men dead.
-There are three men dead.	So what. I've got to give him his money. That was our end of the deal.
-So what. I've got to give him his money. That was our end of the deal.	He might be ready to chop us up.
-He might be ready to chop us up.	Do it my way.
-Tell me about Beynon's ranch.	"I've never ""been there... When we met it was in his office."
-Do you trust him?	I just figure the percentages. He wouldn't try a cross until he's got the money.
-I just figure the percentages. He wouldn't try a cross until he's got the money.	Let's send his cut back -- Just keep going.
-Let's send his cut back -- Just keep going.	If we make a mistake., he'll burn us. You make a deal, you're always better keeping your end up.
-If we make a mistake., he'll burn us. You make a deal, you're always better keeping your end up.	I don't want to go there.
-I don't want to go there.	Do it my way.
-Why didn't you tell me?	There wasn't any way to explain it.
-There wasn't any way to explain it.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	You sent me to him.
-You sent me to him.	When I got out, why didn't you tell me where it was?
-When I got out, why didn't you tell me where it was?	What the hell do you want? Mary Tyler Moore?
-What the hell do you want? Mary Tyler Moore?	Who's she?
-Who's she?	She's on TV.
-She's on TV.	If you don't start telling the truth...
-If you don't start telling the truth...	What do we do?
-What do we do?	We keep going.
-A man helped me open it...	And switched keys.
-And switched keys.	He must have.
-He must have.	It isn't another boyfriend, is it?
-How long ago.	Fifteen minutes.
-Fifteen minutes.	Sure?
-There better be a guy with the	You bastard...
-Your kind of mistakes are going to land me back in Huntsville.	I wouldn't worry Doc. I can always get you out... I'll screw every prison official in Texas if I have to.
-I wouldn't worry Doc. I can always get you out... I'll screw every prison official in Texas if I have to.	Texas is a big state.
-Texas is a big state.	I can handle it.
-I can handle it.	I'll bet you can.
-I'll bet you can.	You'd do the same for me, wouldn't you, Doc?  If I was caught, wouldn't you?
-When we had trouble before it was different.	You don't like the way things are, I don't like the way things
-You don't like the way things are, I don't like the way things	What do you want to do?
-What do you want to do?	Maybe we should split up... I'll cut the money with you.
-Maybe we should split up... I'll cut the money with you.	Do you mean that?
-Do you mean that?	I mean it.
-We'll grab a room for tonight then you go out tomorrow and buy yourself some new clothes, pick some up for me... Grab some food now, paper bag it, we eat in the room.	You've got all the answers. What about when they find the body on the train?
-You've got all the answers. What about when they find the body on the train?	When they find it, they find it.
-You've got it all figured.	No... there's a couple of things I'm still working on.
-No... there's a couple of things I'm still working on.	Like what?
-There may be a hunting party.	Why, there's nothing on the news?
-Why, there's nothing on the news?	I didn't mean police.
-What?	If Beynon bought him out, and he talked then maybe Beynon's boys will be waiting for us in El Paso.
-You're full of ifs.	I think you liked it with him.
-Maybe. At least I got to him.  Where do we go from here?	El Paso.
-That would be the first time.	When are you going to learn?
-When are you going to learn?	I did I killed a man.
-From now on you just shut up and do as you're told.	If I hadn't killed Beynon., you would have.
-You can't trust anything these days.	I'll tell you something, Doc. One day you're going to have to trust somebody...
-I trust...  Want to see what I trust... In God we trust...  The word's on every bill!!!	You keep it up and it won't matter how far we get away, because it's going to be all over between you and me. Do you understand that? There won't be anything left.
-Only one car.	Let's do it.
-Where are you going?	El Paso.
-How much?	Twenty eight hundred.
-Are you hungry?	Not now.
-Okay?	I think so... I don't know.
-No scars?	No scars.
-Do what I tell you, it's not a game.	It's all a game, don't bother me.
-We better stick here till tonight.	Yeah.
-We're going to make it.	Sure...
-I want to say something.	I don't want to hear it.
-I don't want to hear it.	Listen to me. It's hard enough.
-Look, what you said yesterday... I guess that was right. It isn't worth anything if we don't make it together.	I don't think we can any more... If we ever get out of here, maybe I should take off...
-I don't think we can any more... If we ever get out of here, maybe I should take off...	We got this far.
-We got this far.	We've come a lot of miles. But we're not close to anything.
-We've come a lot of miles. But we're not close to anything.	I guess you're right.
-I always thought jails make people hard. Not you. You're just not tough enough to forget about Beynon. I chose you, not him.	Either we pick it up or else we leave it right here. We got to go one way or another.
-Either we pick it up or else we leave it right here. We got to go one way or another.	No more about Beynon.
-No more about Beynon.	Whatever happens it's over.
-Sounds good.	You want to try with me?
-You want to try with me?	Things can't get much worse can they?
-Things can't get much worse can they?	I don't see how.
-Okay.	You and me.
-You and me.	Can we make it?
-Can we make it?	We get to Mexico, we can have a life.
-We get to Mexico, we can have a life.	That's all I want... It's the only thing I have ever wanted.
-We've got some food coming, should be here any minute.	Great. I'm going to sleep twelve hours.
-Great. I'm going to sleep twelve hours.	Ten. Laughlin's going to take us across at four A.M.
-Ten. Laughlin's going to take us across at four A.M.	Oh, Jesus... how?
-Oh, Jesus... how?	Jeep. There's a dry river bed fifteen miles east. He takes us to the Mexican side, drops us off at the airfield by breakfast... we've got a 9 o'clock flight.
-Jeep. There's a dry river bed fifteen miles east. He takes us to the Mexican side, drops us off at the airfield by breakfast... we've got a 9 o'clock flight.	I'll be ready.
-I'll be ready.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	What's wrong?
-What's wrong?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	Get in the shower. You'll feel okay.
-Get in the shower. You'll feel okay.	Whatever you say.
-What is it?	Laughlin. He's always got his family around... that wife and kid of his have to stand by his side to make sure he stays off the juice and horses.
-Laughlin. He's always got his family around... that wife and kid of his have to stand by his side to make sure he stays off the juice and horses.	So what?
-So what?	If they are not here, he must have sent them away.
-You're crazy.	Get your clothes on, move your butt.
-Come on, come on.	Who was it?
-Who was it?	Just get your clothes on...
-You okay?	Where do we go from here?
-Where do we go from here?	I don't know, airport I guess.
-I don't know, airport I guess.	They will have our description before we can get a plane.
-They will have our description before we can get a plane.	Yeah.
-How long before this car's hot?	Pull over.
-Are we going to make it?	Hell, I don't know... but we sure gave it a run.
-Hell, I don't know... but we sure gave it a run.	Whatever happens... we're going all the way.
-Whatever happens... we're going all the way.	Yeah, why not? We're the good guys.
-Yeah, why not? We're the good guys.	I guess we are.
-What now?	We walk.
-That's right.	Me, too. Got twenty-four days of furlough and I'm goin' home.
-Where's home?	Utah, the Bee-Hive state. I'm from Orem, right near Salt Lake ... Say, you wouldn't happen to be a Mormon, would you?
-Utah, the Bee-Hive state. I'm from Orem, right near Salt Lake ... Say, you wouldn't happen to be a Mormon, would you?	No, I'm not.
-No, I'm not.	Me, neither. There's about twelve people in the state that aren't Mormons and I'm one of them.
-Me, neither. There's about twelve people in the state that aren't Mormons and I'm one of them.	That certainly makes you kind of special...
-That certainly makes you kind of special...	Yeah... I guess it does.
-You wouldn't be taking the train to Salt Lake, would you?	No, I'm afraid not.
-No, I'm afraid not.	I never have any luck.
-STANDS AND PAUSES FOR A MOMENT.	I really hope you have a nice trip.
-I really hope you have a nice trip.	Thanks. I hope yours is okay, too.
-Three years ago I dynamited some fish at the reservoir.	Oh my God.
-Oh my God.	That little job cost me a hundred dollars... didn't even get to keep the fish.
-Hope you get to where you're going.	Thanks. Hope you do too.
-Thanks. Hope you do too.	By the way, you're getting a hell of a car there, mister.
-One thing though... how do I explain this to my wife?	Tell her you robbed a bank...
-Can I help you?	Sure can. I'd like an Invicta 12-gauge pump with the twenty-inch barrel.
-Sure can. I'd like an Invicta 12-gauge pump with the twenty-inch barrel.	All right. Shells?
-All right. Shells?	Two boxes of double-ought buck.
-Two boxes of double-ought buck.	Gonna knock down a wall?
-Gonna knock down a wall?	Might try that.
-You're out of touch. Cops blew him up.	Where?
-Where?	Chicago.
-Chicago.	You were with him?
-You were with him?	Yeah. I got out.
-Yeah. I got out.	What about you?
-Just in case someone gets a shot off.	I worked ten years without one, I don't need one now.
-I worked ten years without one, I don't need one now.	Suit yourself.
-Suit yourself.	Okay. How many bank exits?
-Okay. How many bank exits?	Two.
-Two.	What about the vault?
-What about the vault?	Chambers - Reilly. Time lock opens 20 minutes before they start doing business...
-Chambers - Reilly. Time lock opens 20 minutes before they start doing business...	Wire pull over?
-Wire pull over?	One-inch stuff on a three-number combination.
-One-inch stuff on a three-number combination.	I'm good at that.
-I'm good at that.	I 'm handling the fine stuff. You're back up all the way...
-I 'm handling the fine stuff. You're back up all the way...	Whatever you need.
-I'll hang on to these. We don't need them till we get to Gollie«s. Okay. Any questions?	Aren't we going a little hard?
-Aren't we going a little hard?	What do you have in mind?
-What do you have in mind?	It's just a walk-in bank. You don't have to be Dillinger for this one.
-It's just a walk-in bank. You don't have to be Dillinger for this one.	Dillinger got killed.
-How's Mama and the kids?	Growing -- all of them - every day.  318, you'll be the only ones on the floor.
-Growing -- all of them - every day.  318, you'll be the only ones on the floor.	My lady'11 come in in about five minutes. Have some food sent up in half an hour.
-My lady'11 come in in about five minutes. Have some food sent up in half an hour.	Just sandwiches...
-Just sandwiches...	Right.
-When she gets here, have that kid of yours help her with the suitcase.	He took the day off.
-He took the day off.	Then you do it.
-Then you do it.	Can't leave the desk.
-Drive.	Suit yourself.
-How was that?	Just fine.
-Just fine.	Where we go in1?
-Where we go in1?	Mexico. I'd like to find a quiet place to cross.
-Mexico. I'd like to find a quiet place to cross.	Why not?
-I guess you ain't gonna shoot me, are you?	I kinda doubt it.
-Let's just get to the border.	Sure thing, mister, it's coming right up. 'Bout an hour. Quiet crossing that is.
-Which way?	Juarez - Chihuahua City road.
-Juarez - Chihuahua City road.	Don't you want to go to the airport?
-Don't you want to go to the airport?	Not now.
-Listen... how much money did you make this year?	What's it to you?
-What's it to you?	Come on. How much?
-Come on. How much?	'Bout five thousand.
-'Bout five thousand.	How about if I buy your car for ten grand?
-How about if I buy your car for ten grand?	You serious?
-You serious?	Sure am.
-Sure am.	And I keep my mouth shut?
-And I keep my mouth shut?	That's what I want.
-That's what I want.	I don't report the car and I don't know either of you?
-I don't report the car and I don't know either of you?	You got it.
-You got it.	How about twenty thousand?
-You're going to have to walk back to the border.	Don't worry about me, I'll grab a cab... I can afford it, you know.
-Well, I paid a hell of a price. Now for God's sake keep your mouth shut.	Wish you hadn't said that. When Slim Canfield's lips are sealed, they're sealed.
-Wish you hadn't said that. When Slim Canfield's lips are sealed, they're sealed.	Go with God.
-Is it possible, Mrs. Clinton?	Just... tell us what you want.
-What kind of car do you have, Harold?	A Ford... We have a Ford.
-A Ford... We have a Ford.	That's good. That's very good. Now Harold, you go out and gas up the Ford, check the oil and tires, we don't want any problems on the road. One more thing... If anybody but you comes back...
-You do what he says, Harold.	After you come back I'll listen while you make some phone calls, tell a few friends you've got to leave for a week or two... You have to call another Vet about the animals. You tell him to come over and take good care of them starting tomorrow... no slip-ups on that. They got to be looked after...
-I don't think you have to worry much about Harold. He won't do anything.	That right?
-That right?	You can trust him...
-You can trust him...	How long have you been married?
-How long have you been married?	Two years.
-Two years.	Can he trust you?
-Can he trust you?	That's what matters, isn't it?
-Something ought to loosen him up ... how comes we're going to El Paso, Rudy?	I Just want to find a suitcase.
-What's the damage?	Collar bone is broken. No infection yet... the bandages should be changed twice a day.
-Collar bone is broken. No infection yet... the bandages should be changed twice a day.	I got a nurse in mind.
-I got a nurse in mind.	The glucose will begin working in half an hour. You'll feel better then...
-The glucose will begin working in half an hour. You'll feel better then...	The three of us are going to do some traveling. We're going to take your car to El Paso.
-The three of us are going to do some traveling. We're going to take your car to El Paso.	That's not possible. We can't leave here... we've got all this.
-I've got to stop.	I'll tell you when.
-Hello, Jack,  I don't know anything, Jack.	Yes, you do, Albert. Talk or I'll kill you.
-Yes, you do, Albert. Talk or I'll kill you.	I know. I know.
-You can't get away from me, Albert.	I know.
-I didn't know who Doreen was. Thought she was just another bird.	Did Eric Pake pull her?
-Did Eric Pake pull her?	Yes.
-Yes.	How?
-How?	I dunno. He's got his ways. He knows Margaret.
-I dunno. He's got his ways. He knows Margaret.	When did you find out?
-When did you find out?	A couple of weeks back.
-A couple of weeks back.	How?
-How?	No choice. I had a visit from somebody.
-No choice. I had a visit from somebody.	Who?
-Who?	Cliff Brumby. He'd seen the film. He wanted to meet Doreen.
-Cliff Brumby. He'd seen the film. He wanted to meet Doreen.	And you told Brumby?
-Do you want to be dead, Albert?	Last Sunday afternoon, Eric and two of his boys arrive with Frank and tell me that he's rumbled. Somehow, he's seen the film and was about to shoot his mouth off. They ask me for some whisky and start forcing it down his throat.  I thought they'd just duff him up a bit. Honest.
-Last Sunday afternoon, Eric and two of his boys arrive with Frank and tell me that he's rumbled. Somehow, he's seen the film and was about to shoot his mouth off. They ask me for some whisky and start forcing it down his throat.  I thought they'd just duff him up a bit. Honest.	What did you do?  Albert?
-What did you do?  Albert?	Nothing. What could I do?
-Nothing. What could I do?	Did Eric know that Frank was my brother?
-Did Eric know that Frank was my brother?	Yes. I told him.
-Yes. I told him.	What did he say?
-What did he say?	'Good.'
-You knew what I'd do.	Yes, but listen. Christ, I didn't kill him.
-What do you want?	What happened to this car?
-What happened to this car?	What's it got to do with you?
-What's it got to do with you?	This is my brother's car.
-This is my brother's car.	Oh ay?
-Oh ay?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Well, he drove it into the river.
-Well, he drove it into the river.	Was the steering faulty?
-What about the brakes?	Fine. Nowt wrong with them.
-Fine. Nowt wrong with them.	How'd it happen, then?
-How'd it happen, then?	He was drunk. Drunk as a lord.
-He was drunk. Drunk as a lord.	Was he?
-You know what the bloody time is!  It's two o'clock in the bloody morning!	I know.
-I know.	Well?
-I made a mistake.	What?
-What?	I made a mistake.
-I made a mistake.	What about?
-What about?	Never mind.
-Bloody well tell me who sent you.	You're a big man, but you're in bad shape. With me, it's a full- time job. Now behave yourself.
-A new venture of mine. It's going to be a restaurant.  Do you like it?	Yes.
-Yes.	Last night, after you'd gone, I did a little bit of asking around. Seeing as you weren't very forthcoming,  It seems that you are concerned about the death of your brother?  I got to thinking it would be nice if the bloke you were after was the same bloke I wanted off my back,  You know my life. Machines. The arcades. Nice business. Looks after itself. People put money in. I take it out. Not much rough stuff. It's a business that makes me very happy. But recently, I've had a spot of bother,  One of my lads gets a bit over- anxious and flogs some machines in a club that's already got some. The upshot is I've had to eat shit and stop flogging my machines to other clubs.  So far as I'm concerned, that's it. Apparently not. These people I've offended get the idea that it would be good to take over my whole outfit,  So I'm worried. I can't fight them — I haven't that kind of set-up. But I've got to fix them before they fix me. Trouble is, if I try and they find out, I'm dead.
-Five grand. It belongs to you. Along with a little name I'm going to give you.	What name?
-What name?	Kinnear. Cyril Kinnear.  Kinnear did it.
-Kinnear. Cyril Kinnear.  Kinnear did it.	Why?
-Why?	I don't know. All I know is that people were shitting bricks up at his place last Saturday. Your brother's name was mentioned. Next day, he was dead.
-I don't know. All I know is that people were shitting bricks up at his place last Saturday. Your brother's name was mentioned. Next day, he was dead.	Why?
-Why?	I don't know. That's all I was told.
-That's not good enough.	Christ, what...
-Christ, what...	Do me a favour. You don't really expect me to fix Kinnear on your say-so?  Just because they tried to get me on you last night, don't think you can pull the same trick. Stroll on.
-Do me a favour. You don't really expect me to fix Kinnear on your say-so?  Just because they tried to get me on you last night, don't think you can pull the same trick. Stroll on.	Jack, you're wrong.
-Jack, you're wrong.	Good afternoon, Mr Brumby. Carter exits.
-Good afternoon, Mr Brumby. Carter exits.	Jack...
-You shouldn't have shown the film to Frank.	I had to. It was the only way I could get at them.
-Jack?	Good evening.
-Good evening.	I'd like a word with you, Jack.
-I'd like a word with you, Jack.	That's nice.
-That's nice.	Confidential, like.
-Confidential, like.	You stay in the car. I'll come and listen.  What you want to tell me, Thorpey?
-Train goes at four minutes past twelve. You've just got time.	That's very kind of somebody. Who do I have to thank?  What happens if I miss the train?
-That's very kind of somebody. Who do I have to thank?  What happens if I miss the train?	I've been asked to make sure you don't.
-I've been asked to make sure you don't.	Oh, really. You're getting very optimistic in your old age, aren't you, Thorpey?
-Who paid you to see me off?	I can't Jack. How can I?
-I can't Jack. How can I?	Yes you can.
-No, don't Jack, don't.	Who sent you, Thorpey?
-Who sent you, Thorpey?	Brumby!
-Where's he living these days?	He's got a new place at Burnham.
-He's got a new place at Burnham.	Address?
-Address?	On the Durham Road. The Pantiles.
-Can I go now?	You must be joking,  Keep him away from the telephone. I'm going out for a bit.
-Everyhing go off all right?	Fine...  I want to talk to you.
-Fine...  I want to talk to you.	What about?
-What about?	Doreen.
-She's nothing to do with me.	What do you mean? You've been Frank's bird ever since her mother cleared off. You're closer to her than anyone.
-What do you mean? You've been Frank's bird ever since her mother cleared off. You're closer to her than anyone.	No. No. It's not like that. I've got a husband, you know.
-Hold it!   Hold it!  Who killed Frank, Margaret?	Killed?  I don't know anything about it.
-Really.	I must go. I'm in a hurry.
-I must go. I'm in a hurry.	I want to talk to you later.
-I want to talk to you later.	I can't.
-I can't.	Tomorrow morning, then?
-How were things between you and Frank?	He was all right to me.
-He was all right to me.	Nothing more? Just another feller?
-Nothing more? Just another feller?	Nicer than most.
-Nicer than most.	But he was just another feller, wasn't he?
-But he was just another feller, wasn't he?	Yes.
-Yes.	Though nicer than most?
-Though nicer than most?	Yes. I can't help the way I am.
-Yes. I can't help the way I am.	Why'd you see him so regular?
-Why'd you see him so regular?	Once a week?
-Once a week?	I call that regular.
-I call that regular.	He was gentlemanly. I like that.
-He was gentlemanly. I like that.	Once a week you like a gentleman?
-Once a week you like a gentleman?	Look, I'm me, right. You're not. We are what we are, like it or not.  Why all the bloody needle?
-Look, I'm me, right. You're not. We are what we are, like it or not.  Why all the bloody needle?	What was bugging Frank?
-What was bugging Frank?	He wanted me to leave Dave and marry him. Last Friday I told him it wouldn't work. Dave would have killed us both!  He followed me home and kicked up a stink in the street,  I had to tell Frank I couldn't see him any more. It was getting too dodgy. That was on Sunday.  He said he'd kill himself. I was frightened what you might do.
-I don't believe you, Margaret. Frank wasn't like that.  I'm the villain in the family, remember?	It's the truth.
-It is. Honestly.	You bloody whore. Frank was too careful to die like that. Who killed him?
-You bloody whore. Frank was too careful to die like that. Who killed him?	I don't know nothing.
-You know Sid Fletcher?	What?
-What?	You know Sid Fletcher?
-You know Sid Fletcher?	I work for him.
-I work for him.	Do you?
-Do you?	Yes, I do.
-I know him too.	Who?
-Who?	Sid Fletcher.
-Sid Fletcher.	Oh, do you?
-Oh, do you?	Yes.
-Yes.	No, do you really?
-Yes. I met him last year.	Go on.
-Go on.	Oh yes. When he came up on business.
-Oh yes. When he came up on business.	Really?
-Really?	He came to see Mr Kinnear.
-He came to see Mr Kinnear.	No.
-We went about together.	Really?
-Really?	Yes, while he was here.
-Yes, while he was here.	While he was here. You went about together?
-While he was here. You went about together?	He was here for four days.
-He was here for four days.	Was he?
-Was he?	Could you do me a favour?
-Could you do me a favour?	Yeah, I'll do you a favour.
-Yeah, I'll do you a favour.	Could you please put my glass on the table?
-You didn't know you had a fairy godmother, did you?	No. I didn't know that.
-No. I didn't know that.	A fairy godmother, all of your own. Aren't you lucky?
-A fairy godmother, all of your own. Aren't you lucky?	So where are we going, Princess?
-So where are we going, Princess?	To the demon king's castle, of course.
-To the demon king's castle, of course.	Of course. Where else?
-How'd you know where I'd be?	You were seen parking your car. The demon king waves his wand and I was dispatched to bring you to him. Lucky for you I waited.
-You were seen parking your car. The demon king waves his wand and I was dispatched to bring you to him. Lucky for you I waited.	Very lucky, I should think. You're drunk!
-Very lucky, I should think. You're drunk!	Nasty.
-Nasty.	He must have been pretty sure I'd come.
-He must have been pretty sure I'd come.	Oh, he was. He told me a magic spell that would make you come.
-Oh, he was. He told me a magic spell that would make you come.	And what was that?
-And what was that?	We're there now.
-Who's setting you up in this place?	Brumby.
-Brumby.	Is he coming here?
-Is he coming here?	Don't worry. He's meeting the architects at the restaurant.
-Aren't you scared Kinnear will find out?	He won't. He thinks I'm simple.
-What does he want that bloody great country place for?	Entertaining.
-Entertaining.	What kind of entertaining?
-What kind of entertaining?	Now you're asking.
-Does Brumby get a kick out of that crap?	Especially when I play the lead.
-That's why you waited for me.	Not entirely. No.
-Not entirely. No.	You sure about that?
-You sure about that?	Sure I'm sure.
-I want to give you an Oscar.	You've been watching the film.
-You've been watching the film.	Tell me about the girl.
-Tell me about the girl.	What girl?
-What girl?	The young girl. Who pulled her?
-The young girl. Who pulled her?	I don't know.
-I don't know.	Was it Albert?
-Was it Albert?	Shouldn't think so.
-Shouldn't think so.	Is it one of Kinnear's films?
-Is it one of Kinnear's films?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Who set it up?  Eric?
-Who set it up?  Eric?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Then he must have pulled her.
-Then he must have pulled her.	Expect so.
-Expect so.	Did my brother Frank find out?
-Did my brother Frank find out?	Your brother? What you talking about?
-Now tell me the truth.	The girl's name was Doreen. That's all I know.
-The girl's name was Doreen. That's all I know.	And you didn't know her last name?
-And you didn't know her last name?	No.
-No.	Well, it's Carter. That's my name,  And her father was my brother. And he was murdered last Sunday. Now get up and get dressed.
-We weren't sure where it was taking place, like.	Nice of you to come.
-Nice of you to come.	No. Frank was a good bloke.
-It's a bloody funny thing. You know a bloke for six bloody years and all the time he's as calm as gentle Jesus...  ...then he goes and does a thing like that.  It's a bloody funny thing.	Yeah. A bloody funny thing!
-Let her go. She'll be OK.  Sorry about that.	Don't worry. She's bound to be upset.
-Don't worry. She's bound to be upset.	Have another?
-Have another?	No. I'll be off now. I should be at work.
-Look, look.  Get your suit cleaned.	No. It's all right.
-No. It's all right.	Thanks for coming.
-Thanks for coming.	Frank was a good bloke. It's the least I could have done.
-Sorry about your father.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Tell me, Doreen, did the police say anything?
-Tell me, Doreen, did the police say anything?	They said he was drunk.
-How's school?	I left last year.
-I left last year.	Oh, what you doing now?
-Oh, what you doing now?	Working at Woolworths.
-Working at Woolworths.	That must be interesting.
-That must be interesting.	Yes.
-You all right now?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	You coming to South America?
-You coming to South America?	No.
-Where you going to live, then?	At me friend's house.
-At me friend's house.	Where's that?
-Where's that?	Wilton Estate.
-Wilton Estate.	Nice family, are they? Church-goers and all that?
-Good. I'm off tomorrow, so I don't suppose I'll see you again.  There. Go and get your hair done.	Thanks.
-I couldn't believe it when I heard. Carter is suddenly attentive.	What?
-What?	I mean, I was surprised when he didn't turn up for work.  He was always on time.
-I mean, I was surprised when he didn't turn up for work.  He was always on time.	Did you work with him, Keith?
-Did you work with him, Keith?	At the Half Moon.
-I mean, what for?	That's what I was wondering.
-That's what I was wondering.	Come off it. Frank was... well... straight. He had no worries I know. Hell, we worked together every day for a year. It would have showed.
-Come off it. Frank was... well... straight. He had no worries I know. Hell, we worked together every day for a year. It would have showed.	Why would it?
-Why would it?	It just would. He was always the same.
-It just would. He was always the same.	Since when did he drink whisky?
-Since when did he drink whisky?	Don't know.
-Don't know.	Nobody seems to know.
-You work here, Keith?	Yes.
-Keith, if anybody comes in here and asks for me, you let me know. Right?	Right.
-Right.	I'm at the Las Vegas. Behind the dance hall.  Do you know a man called Albert Swift?
-I'm at the Las Vegas. Behind the dance hall.  Do you know a man called Albert Swift?	Yeah. He comes in here a bit.
-Yeah. He comes in here a bit.	Where would I find him?
-Where would I find him?	Today? At the races. He always goes.
-How'd you know Albert?	Went to school with him.  He was leader of our gang. He'll know what's going on in this town.
-What you having, Jack?	Large Scotch.
-Heard of a man called Thorpe?	Old Thorpey? Haven't seen him in a long time.
-Old Thorpey? Haven't seen him in a long time.	That's what he was saying about you.
-Said he'd heard you were up in town. Wondered if I knew where you was staying. Wanted to look you up. Old time's sake.	That's nice. What'd you tell him?
-That's nice. What'd you tell him?	Nowt.
-Nowt.	Good lad.
-See you later.	Where you off to?
-Where you off to?	Las Vegas.
-Thorpey. They were waiting for us in the car park.	How many?
-How many?	Four of them.
-Ah, Edna, come in. Join the tea set.	Who's Brumby?
-Who's Brumby?	Cliff Brumby. Ever been to Westsea?
-Ever been into an arcade there and put a penny in the slot machine?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Ten to one, it belonged to Cliff Brumby, and like as not the bloody arcade as well. Right along the coast. Isn't that right, Thorpey?
-What happened to you, then?	How'd you find me?
-Did they give you a rough time?	No.  You bastard. You knew they'd come back.
-No.  You bastard. You knew they'd come back.	No, I didn't,  Does Albert Swift still live over the ferry?
-No, I didn't,  Does Albert Swift still live over the ferry?	Get knotted.
-Get knotted.	All right. All right. I want to square things with you first.
-All right. All right. I want to square things with you first.	Oh yes? How?
-Stuff it! My girl friend's coming from Liverpool tonight.  Nice surprise, isn't it?	I'm sorry. Here. This'll pay for a course in karate.
-I won't be using the room tonight.	I see.
-I see.	I'm staying with a friend.
-I'm staying with a friend.	Her husband docks tomorrow, does he?
-Her husband docks tomorrow, does he?	It's not like that, luv.
-It's not like that, luv.	It never is.
-Are you a traveller?	Definitely.
-Definitely.	Will this do?
-Will this do?	Very nice.  I'll pay you for tonight as well.
-Very nice.  I'll pay you for tonight as well.	Don't be bloody silly. You're the first since Monday.
-Don't be bloody silly. You're the first since Monday.	You sure?
-Ta.	I'll bet this one's seen some action.
-What is it?	My brother, Frank.
-My brother, Frank.	Is he staying the night?
-Is he staying the night?	Funny.  Can I phone London?
-Funny.  Can I phone London?	It'll cost you.
-What the bloody hell do you think you're at?	I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.	You don't look it.
-You don't look it.	No. Really, I am.
-No. Really, I am.	Don't come that bloody flannel with me. If you're a traveller, I'm bloody Twiggy.  And who's he?
-Inside? Why should I give house- room to your sort?	Up the stairs, Keith. The door on the right.
-And what you going to do?	Make us a nice cup of tea and I'll tell you. I might even let you watch.
-Make us a nice cup of tea and I'll tell you. I might even let you watch.	I'll call the police.
-I'll call the police.	No, you won't.
-Suppose you tell me what the bloody hell's going on. It's my house, you know.	Yes, Edna, and I must say you've been great about the ...
-Yes, Edna, and I must say you've been great about the ...	Stick the soft soap. Let's be having it.
-Now just a minute...	Ta-ra.
-You sod.	They came back?
-They came back?	No.
-What'll they do to him?	Don't ask me.
-They bloody hurt me.	You're lucky. They kill as well.
-You're lucky. They kill as well.	And what about you? Did you kill Brumby?
-Thorpey nearly died laughing.	That little shit!
-That little shit!	What about Keith?
-What about Keith?	What about Keith?
-What about Keith?	What you going to do?
-What you going to do?	Pension him off.
-Pension him off.	You're a bastard.
-You're a bastard.	What am I supposed to do?  I don't know where they've taken him. Do you?
-So shut up.	What's that gun doing in your room? Suppose I phoned the police and told them there's a bloke staying in my hotel who's planning to shoot somebody?
-What's that gun doing in your room? Suppose I phoned the police and told them there's a bloke staying in my hotel who's planning to shoot somebody?	You wouldn't.
-You wouldn't.	How'd you know I wouldn't?
-How'd you know I wouldn't?	'Cos I know you wear purple underwear.
-'Cos I know you wear purple underwear.	What's that supposed to mean?
-What's that supposed to mean?	Think about it.
-Are you awake?	No.
-No.	Do you want breakfast?
-Do you want breakfast?	You must be joking. I never eat breakfast,  Did you sleep well?
-You must be joking. I never eat breakfast,  Did you sleep well?	Uh-huh.
-Did you sleep well?	Yes, thank you.
-Are you tired?	No. Are you tired?
-No. Are you tired?	No. I'm not tired,  Do you eat breakfast?
-Do us a favour?	What, and get myself beaten up again?
-What, and get myself beaten up again?	No chance of that.
-No chance of that.	Not much.
-Not much.	They're friends of mine.
-They're friends of mine.	And that'll make me feel better?
-And that'll make me feel better?	I don't want to get rough, do I?
-What you going to do?	I'm going to sit in the car and whistle 'Rule, Britannia'.
-You coming back?	How could I stay away?
-Is he?	Jack Carter.
-Jack Carter.	Eric. Eric Paice.
-Eric. Eric Paice.	What you doing around here then?
-What you doing around here then?	Didn't you know this is my home town?
-Didn't you know this is my home town?	No, I didn't know that.
-No, I didn't know that.	Funny, that.
-Thanks. So what're you doing? On your holidays?	No. I'm visiting relatives.
-No. I'm visiting relatives.	Oh, that's nice.
-Oh, that's nice.	It would be. If they were still living.
-It would be. If they were still living.	Meaning what?
-Meaning what?	A bereavement. A death in the family.
-A bereavement. A death in the family.	Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
-Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.	That's all right, Eric.
-Well, well. Small world, isn't it?	Very...  So, who you working for these days Eric?
-Very...  So, who you working for these days Eric?	Oh, I'm straight.  Respectable.
-Oh, I'm straight.  Respectable.	What are you doing? Advertising Martini?
-What are you doing? Advertising Martini?	Oh, you've been watching television.
-Oh, you've been watching television.	Yeah,  Come off it, Eric. Who is it?
-What's it to you anyway?	I've always ad your welfare at heart, Eric. Besides which, I'm nosy.
-I've always ad your welfare at heart, Eric. Besides which, I'm nosy.	That's not always a healthy way to be...
-That's not always a healthy way to be...	And you should know, if I remember rightly.
-So you're doing all right then, Eric. You're making good.	Making a living.
-Making a living.	Good prospects for advancement, is there? A pension?  Do you know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes looked like.
-They're still the same. Piss holes in the snow.	Still got a sense of humour?
-Still got a sense of humour?	Yes, I retained that, Eric.  Do you know a man called Albert Swift, Eric?
-Yes, I retained that, Eric.  Do you know a man called Albert Swift, Eric?	Can't say I do.
-Jack! I didn't like that.	You should have told me who you were working for.
-You should have told me who you were working for.	Cyril didn't like it, either.
-Cyril didn't like it, either.	Oh, Cyril, eh? So it's all girls together, is it?
-Oh, Cyril, eh? So it's all girls together, is it?	He's thinking Sid and Gerald won't like it much when they hear you've been sticking your nose in.
-You're finished, Jack. You know that, don't you? I've bloody finished you.	Not till I'm dead, Eric.
-You couldn't win an egg and spoon race, Eric.	Sod off.
-Eh? Have a drink.	Still got your sense of humour.
-Yes, I can see your problem, Mr Kinnear.	Sit down, Jack,  I could weep. I really could. Sometimes I think I'll retire. Just piss off to the Bahamas and let somebody else employ them,  Glenda, get Jack a drink. What is it, Jack?
-Sit down, Jack,  I could weep. I really could. Sometimes I think I'll retire. Just piss off to the Bahamas and let somebody else employ them,  Glenda, get Jack a drink. What is it, Jack?	Scotch, please.
-Scotch, please.	Piss off, Ray.
-Eric told me of your bereavement.	Yep.
-Yep.	Do you know, I never knew he worked in one of my places!
-Do you know, I never knew he worked in one of my places!	No? Funny that. Neither did I.
-No? Funny that. Neither did I.	If I'd known, I'd have fixed him up with something better.
-If I'd known, I'd have fixed him up with something better.	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Nasty way to go.
-Nasty way to go.	Yes.
-Not going, Jack?	I have to. Things to see to.
-I have to. Things to see to.	Of course, of course. Well, any time, just drop by.
-Of course, of course. Well, any time, just drop by.	Yeah, I'll do that.  Told you it wouldn't take long, didn't I?
-Gerald phoned us in the middle of the night, said he'd heard you've been making a nuisance of yourself.	We've got to take you back to London.
-We've got to take you back to London.	He said it'd be doing him a big favour.
-We know why you're all steamed up, and so do Gerald and Sid.	But they have to be diplomatic.
-Put it away, Jack. You know you won't use it.	The gun he means.
-Gerald wants to see him first.	Shut up.
-Bollock naked with his socks still on?	They do that up North.
-They do that up North.	What for? Protective purposes?
-Ask me?	Ask Jack. It's his old stamping ground.
-Not suede boots!	Knock it off, Gerald.
-Knock it off, Gerald.	What? And get the clap?
-Are we here to play cards or talk about the old days?	Harry! Jack, I don't want to be rude, but these men have brought a lot of money with them. Glenda, you don't offer a man like Jack a drink in those piddling little glasses.  Give him the bloody bottle.  Now, where are we?
-Oh... I think I'll stay as I am.	You're bluffing, you bastard!
-You're bluffing, you bastard!	That's what you pay to find out. Right, Jack?
-What's that? A hundred?	That's right, Harry.
-That's right, Harry.	Your hundred, and another hundred.
-What's that?	That, Harry? That's another hundred - twenty-five pounds notes of the realm.
-That, Harry? That's another hundred - twenty-five pounds notes of the realm.	Three hundred altogether?
-Three hundred altogether?	Three hundred altogether, Harry.
-All right. Two hundred.	Ha.
-What's that?	That's six hundred pounds, Harry. Two hundred to follow you, and I've raised it four hundred.
-Four hundred?	That's right.
-That's right.	You're not seeing me?
-You're not seeing me?	No.
-I'll see you, then.	Calling my bluff, are you, Harry?
-How about that, Jack?  Old Harry thought I was having him on.	Shut up.
-Polacks and deadbeats.	...Polacks...
-...Polacks...	Deadbeats all.
-Deadbeats all.	...they hold on to their money...
-...they hold on to their money...	All of 'em.  They, hey: it happens to us all.
-All of 'em.  They, hey: it happens to us all.	Where am I going to work?
-You have to cheer up, George, you aren't out yet.	I'm not?
-I'm not?	You missed a fucking sale.  Big deal.  A deadbeat Polack.  Big deal. How you going to sell 'em in the first place...?  Your mistake, you shoun'a took the lead.
-You missed a fucking sale.  Big deal.  A deadbeat Polack.  Big deal. How you going to sell 'em in the first place...?  Your mistake, you shoun'a took the lead.	I had to.
-I had to.	You had to, yeah.  Why?
-You had to, yeah.  Why?	To get on the...
-To get on the...	To get on the board.  Yeah.  How you goan'a get on the board sell'n a Polack?  And I'll tell you, I'll tell you what else.  You listening? I'll tell you what else: don't ever try to sell an Indian.
-To get on the board.  Yeah.  How you goan'a get on the board sell'n a Polack?  And I'll tell you, I'll tell you what else.  You listening? I'll tell you what else: don't ever try to sell an Indian.	I'd never try to sell an Indian.
-I'd never try to sell an Indian.	"You get those names come up, you ever get 'em, ""Patel?"""
-"You get those names come up, you ever get 'em, ""Patel?"""	Mmm...
-Mmm...	You ever get 'em?
-You ever get 'em?	Well, I think I had one once.
-Well, I think I had one once.	You did?
-You did?	I...I don't know.
-"You had one you'd know it.  Patel. They keep coming up.  I don't know. They like to talk to salesmen.  They're lonely, something.  They like to feel superior, I don't know.  Never bought a fucking thing. You're sitting down ""The Rio Rancho this, the blah blah blah,"" ""The Mountain View--"" ""Oh yes.  My brother told me that..."" They got a grapevine.  Fuckin' Indians, George. Not my cup of tea.  Speaking of which I want to tell you something:  I never got a cup of tea with them. You see them in the restaurants.  A supercilious race.  What is this look on their face all the time?  I don't know.  I don't know.  Their broads all look like they just got fucked with a dead cat, I don't know.  I don't know.  I don't like it. Christ..."	What?
-What?	"The whole fuckin' thing...The pressure's just too great.  You're ab...you're absolu...they're too important.  All of them.  You go in the door.  I...""I got to close this fucker, or I don't eat lunch,"" ""or I don't win the Cadillac..."" We fuckin' work too hard.  You work too hard.  We all, I remember when we were at Platt...huh?  Glen Ross Farms... didn't we sell a bunch of that..."""
-"The whole fuckin' thing...The pressure's just too great.  You're ab...you're absolu...they're too important.  All of them.  You go in the door.  I...""I got to close this fucker, or I don't eat lunch,"" ""or I don't win the Cadillac..."" We fuckin' work too hard.  You work too hard.  We all, I remember when we were at Platt...huh?  Glen Ross Farms... didn't we sell a bunch of that..."""	They came in and they, you know...
-They came in and they, you know...	Well, they fucked it up.
-They did.	They killed the goose.
-They killed the goose.	They did.
-They did.	And now...
-And now...	We're stuck with this...
-We're stuck with this...	We're stuck with this fucking shit...
-We're stuck with this fucking shit...	...this shit...
-...this shit...	It's too...
-It's too...	It is.
-It is.	Eh?
-Eh?	It's too...
-It's too...	You get a bad month, all of a...
-You get a bad month, all of a...	You're on this...
-You're on this...	"All of, they got you on this ""board..."""
-"All of, they got you on this ""board..."""	I, I...I...
-I, I...I...	Some contest board...
-Some contest board...	I...
-I...	It's not right.
-It's not.	No.
-And it's not right to the customers.	I know it's not.  I'll tell you, you got, you know, you got...what did I learn as a kid on Western? Don't sell a guy one car.  Sell him five cars over fifteen years.
-I know it's not.  I'll tell you, you got, you know, you got...what did I learn as a kid on Western? Don't sell a guy one car.  Sell him five cars over fifteen years.	That's right?
-That's right?	Eh...?
-Eh...?	That's right?
-That's right?	"Goddamn right, that's right.  Guys come on: ""Oh, the blah blah blah, I know what I'll do: I'll go in and rob everyone blind and go to Argentina cause nobody ever thought of this before."""
-"Goddamn right, that's right.  Guys come on: ""Oh, the blah blah blah, I know what I'll do: I'll go in and rob everyone blind and go to Argentina cause nobody ever thought of this before."""	...that's right...
-...that's right...	Eh?
-Eh?	No.  That's absolutely right.
-No.  That's absolutely right.	And so they kill the goose.  I, I, I'll...and a fuckin' man, worked all his life has got to...
-And so they kill the goose.  I, I, I'll...and a fuckin' man, worked all his life has got to...	...that's right...
-...that's right...	...cower in his boots...
-Shoes, boots, yes...	"For some fuckin' ""Sell ten thousand and you win the steak knives..."""
-"For some fuckin' ""Sell ten thousand and you win the steak knives..."""	For some sales pro...
-For some sales pro...	"...sales promotion, ""You lose, then we fire your..."" No.  It's medieval... it's wrong. ""Or we're going to fire your ass."" It's wrong."
-"...sales promotion, ""You lose, then we fire your..."" No.  It's medieval... it's wrong. ""Or we're going to fire your ass."" It's wrong."	Yes.
-Yes.	Yes, it is.  And you know who's responsible?
-Yes, it is.  And you know who's responsible?	Who?
-Who?	You know who it is.  It's Mitch. And Murray.  'Cause it doesn't have to be this way.
-You know who it is.  It's Mitch. And Murray.  'Cause it doesn't have to be this way.	No.
-No.	"Look at Jerry Graff.  He's clean, he's doing business for himself, he's got his, that list of his with the nurses...see?  You see?  That's thinking.  Why take ten percent?  A ten percent comm...why are we giving the rest away?  What are we giving ninety per...for nothing. For some jerk sit in the office tell you ""Get out there and close."" ""Go win the Cadillac."" Graff.  He goes out and buys.  He pays top dollar for the... you see?"
-"Look at Jerry Graff.  He's clean, he's doing business for himself, he's got his, that list of his with the nurses...see?  You see?  That's thinking.  Why take ten percent?  A ten percent comm...why are we giving the rest away?  What are we giving ninety per...for nothing. For some jerk sit in the office tell you ""Get out there and close."" ""Go win the Cadillac."" Graff.  He goes out and buys.  He pays top dollar for the... you see?"	Yes.
-"That's thinking.  Now, he's got the leads, he goes in business for himself.  He's...that's what I... that's thinking! ""Who?  Who's got a steady job, a couple bucks nobody's touched, who?"""	Nurses.
-Nurses.	So Graff buys a fucking list of nurses, one grand--if he paid two I'll eat my hat--four, five thousand nurses, and he's going wild...
-So Graff buys a fucking list of nurses, one grand--if he paid two I'll eat my hat--four, five thousand nurses, and he's going wild...	He is?
-He is?	He's doing very well.
-He's doing very well.	I heard that they were running cold.
-I heard that they were running cold.	The nurses?
-The nurses?	Yes.
-Yes.	You hear a lot of things...He's doing very well.  He's doing very well.
-You hear a lot of things...He's doing very well.  He's doing very well.	With River Oaks?
-With River Oaks?	River Oaks, Brook Farms.  All of that shit.  Somebody told me, you know what he's clearing himself? Fourteen, fifteen grand a week.
-River Oaks, Brook Farms.  All of that shit.  Somebody told me, you know what he's clearing himself? Fourteen, fifteen grand a week.	Himself?
-That's what I'm saying.  Why?  The leads.  He's got the good leads... what are we, we're sitting in the shit here.  Why?  We have to go to them to get them.  Huh.  Ninety percent our sale, we're paying to the office for the leads.	The leads, the overhead, the telephones, there's lots of things.
-The leads, the overhead, the telephones, there's lots of things.	"What do you need? A telephone, some broad to say ""Good morning,"" nothing...nothing..."
-"What do you need? A telephone, some broad to say ""Good morning,"" nothing...nothing..."	No, it's not that simple, Dave...
-No, it's not that simple, Dave...	Yes.  It is.  It is simple, and you know what the hard part is?
-Yes.  It is.  It is simple, and you know what the hard part is?	What?
-What?	Starting up.
-Starting up.	What hard part?
-What hard part?	Of doing the thing.  The dif...the difference.  Between me and Jerry Graff.  Going to business for yourself.  The hard part is...you know what it is?
-Of doing the thing.  The dif...the difference.  Between me and Jerry Graff.  Going to business for yourself.  The hard part is...you know what it is?	What?
-What?	Just the act.
-Just the act.	What act?
-"To say ""I'm going on my own."" 'Cause what you do, George, let me tell you what you do: you find yourself in thrall to someone else. And we enslave ourselves.  To please.  To win some fucking toaster...to...to... and the guy who got there first made up those..."	That's right...
-That's right...	He made up those rules, and we're working for him.
-He made up those rules, and we're working for him.	That's the truth...
-That's the truth...	"That's the God's truth.  And it gets me depressed.  I swear that it does.  At MY AGE.  To see a goddamn: ""Somebody wins the Cadillac this month.  P.S. Two guys get fucked."""
-"That's the God's truth.  And it gets me depressed.  I swear that it does.  At MY AGE.  To see a goddamn: ""Somebody wins the Cadillac this month.  P.S. Two guys get fucked."""	Huh.
-Huh.	You don't ax your sales force.
-You don't ax your sales force.	No.
-No.	You...
-You...	You...
-You...	You build it!
-You build it!	That's what I...
-That's what I...	You fucking build it!  Men come...
-You fucking build it!  Men come...	Men come work for you...
-...you're absolutely right.	They...
-They...	They have...
-They have...	When they...
-When they...	Look look look look, when they build your business, then you can't fucking turn around, enslave them, treat them like children, fuck them up the ass, leave them to fend for themselves... no.  No.  You're absolutely right, and I want to tell you something.
-Look look look look, when they build your business, then you can't fucking turn around, enslave them, treat them like children, fuck them up the ass, leave them to fend for themselves... no.  No.  You're absolutely right, and I want to tell you something.	What?
-What?	I want to tell you what somebody should do.
-I want to tell you what somebody should do.	What?
-What?	Someone should stand up and strike back.
-Someone should stand up and strike back.	What do you mean?
-What do you mean?	Somebody...
-Somebody...	Yes...?
-Yes...?	Should do something to them.
-Should do something to them.	What?
-Something.  To pay them back.  Someone, someone should hurt them. Murray and Mitch.	Someone should hurt them.
-Someone should hurt them.	Yes.
-Yes.	How?
-How?	How?  Do something to hurt them. Where they live.
-How?  Do something to hurt them. Where they live.	What?
-Someone should rob the office.	Huh.
-Huh.	That's what I'm saying.  We were, if we were that kind of guys, to knock it off, and trash the joint, it looks like robbery, and take the fuckin' leads out of the files...go to Jerry Graff.
-What could somebody get for them?	What could we get for them?  I don't know.  Buck a throw...buck-a- half a throw...I don't know...Hey, who knows what they're worth, what do they pay for them?  All told...must be, I'd... three bucks a throw...I don't know.
-How many leads have we got?	The Glengarry...the premium leads...? I'd say we got five thousand.  Five. Five thousand leads.
-The Glengarry...the premium leads...? I'd say we got five thousand.  Five. Five thousand leads.	And you're saying a fella could take and sell these leads to Jerry Graff.
-And you're saying a fella could take and sell these leads to Jerry Graff.	Yes.
-Yes.	How do you know he'd buy them?
-How do you know he'd buy them?	Graff?  Because I worked for him.
-Graff?  Because I worked for him.	You haven't talked to him.
-You haven't talked to him.	No.  What do you mean?  Have I talked to him about this?
-Yes.  I mean are you actually talking about this, or are we just...	No, we're just...
-No, we're just...	"We're just ""talking"" about it."
-"We're just ""talking"" about it."	We're just speaking about it.  As an idea.
-We're just speaking about it.  As an idea.	As an idea.
-As an idea.	Yes.
-Yes.	We're not actually talking about it.
-No.	Talking about it as a...
-Talking about it as a...	No.
-No.	As a robbery.
-As a robbery.	"As a ""robbery""?!  No."
-"As a ""robbery""?!  No."	Well.  Well...
-Well.  Well...	Hey.
-So all this, um, you didn't, actually, you didn't go talk to Graff.	Not actually, no.
-You didn't?	No.  Not actually.
-No.  Not actually.	Did you?
-Did you?	What did you say?
-What did you say?	"Yes.  I said, ""Not actually."" The fuck you care, George?  We're just talking..."
-"Yes.  I said, ""Not actually."" The fuck you care, George?  We're just talking..."	We are?
-Because, because, you know, it's a crime.	That's right.  It's a crime.  It is a crime.  It's also very safe.
-That's right.  It's a crime.  It is a crime.  It's also very safe.	You're actually talking about this?
-You're actually talking about this?	That's right.
-You're going to steal the leads?	Have I said that?
-Did I say that?	Did you talk to Graff?
-Did you talk to Graff?	Is that what I said?
-Is that what I said?	What did he say?
-What did he say?	What did he say?  He'd buy them.
-Yes.	What will he pay?
-What will he pay?	A buck a shot.
-A buck a shot.	For five thousand?
-For five thousand?	However they are, that's the deal. A buck a throw.  Five thousand dollars.  Split it half and half.
-However they are, that's the deal. A buck a throw.  Five thousand dollars.  Split it half and half.	"You're saying ""me."""
-"You're saying ""me."""	Yes.  Twenty-five hundred apiece.  One night's work, and the job with Graff.  Working the premium leads.
-A job with Graff.	Is that what I said?
-Is that what I said?	He'd give me a job.
-He'd give me a job.	He would take you on.  Yes.
-Yes.  It is, George.  Yes.  It's a big decision.  And it's a big reward.  It's a big reward.  For one night's work.  But it's got to be tonight.	What?
-What?	What?  What?  The leads.
-What?  What?  The leads.	You have to steal the leads tonight?
-You have to steal the leads tonight?	That's right, the guys are moving them downtown.  After the thirtieth. Murray and Mitch.  After the contest.
-That's right, the guys are moving them downtown.  After the thirtieth. Murray and Mitch.  After the contest.	You're, you're saying so you have to go in there tonight and...
-You're, you're saying so you have to go in there tonight and...	You...
-You...	I'm sorry?
-I'm sorry?	You.
-Me?	You have to go in.  You have to get the leads.
-Yes.	I...
-I...	"It's not something for nothing, George, I took you in on this, you have to go.  That's your thing. I've made the deal with Graff.  I can't go.  I can't go in, I've spoken on this too much.  I've got a big mouth.  ""The fucking leads"" et cetera, blah blah blah ""...the fucking tight ass company..."""
-"It's not something for nothing, George, I took you in on this, you have to go.  That's your thing. I've made the deal with Graff.  I can't go.  I can't go in, I've spoken on this too much.  I've got a big mouth.  ""The fucking leads"" et cetera, blah blah blah ""...the fucking tight ass company..."""	They'll know when you go over to Graff...
-They'll know when you go over to Graff...	What will they know?  That I stole the leads?  I didn't steal the leads, I'm going to the movies tonight with a friend, and then I'm going to the Como Inn.  Why did I go to Graff?  I got a better deal. Period.  Let 'em prove something. They can't prove anything that's not the case.
-Dave.	Yes.
-Yes.	You want me to break into the office tonight and steal the leads?
-You want me to break into the office tonight and steal the leads?	Yes.
-Oh, yes, George.	What does that mean?
-What does that mean?	Listen to this.  I have an alibi, I'm going to the Como Inn, why? Why?  The place gets robbed, they're going to come looking for me.  Why?  Because I probably did it.  Are you going to turn me in?  George?  Are you going to turn me in?
-Listen to this.  I have an alibi, I'm going to the Como Inn, why? Why?  The place gets robbed, they're going to come looking for me.  Why?  Because I probably did it.  Are you going to turn me in?  George?  Are you going to turn me in?	What if you don't get caught?
-What if you don't get caught?	They come to you, you going to turn me in?
-They come to you, you going to turn me in?	Why would they come to me?
-Why would they come to me?	They're going to come to everyone.
-They're going to come to everyone.	Why would I do it?
-Why would I do it?	You wouldn't, George, that's why I'm talking to you.  Answer me. They come to you.  You going to turn me in?
-You wouldn't, George, that's why I'm talking to you.  Answer me. They come to you.  You going to turn me in?	No.
-No.	Are you sure?
-Are you sure?	Yes.  I'm sure.
-Yes.  I'm sure.	Then listen to this: I have to get those leads tonight.  That's something I have to do.  If I'm not at the movies...if I'm not eating over at the inn...If you don't do this, then I have to come in here...
-...you don't have to come in...	...and rob the place...
-...and rob the place...	...I thought that we were only talking...
-...I thought that we were only talking...	...they take me, then.  They're going to ask me who were my accomplices.
-...they take me, then.  They're going to ask me who were my accomplices.	Me?
-Me?	Absolutely.
-Absolutely.	That's ridiculous.
-That's ridiculous.	Well, to the law, you're an accessory.  Before the fact.
-Well, to the law, you're an accessory.  Before the fact.	I didn't ask to be.
-I didn't ask to be.	Then tough luck, George, because you are.
-Then tough luck, George, because you are.	Why?  Why, because you only told me about it?
-Why?  Why, because you only told me about it?	That's right.
-That's right.	Why are you doing this to me, Dave. Why are you talking this way to me? I don't understand.  Why are you doing this at all...?
-Why are you doing this to me, Dave. Why are you talking this way to me? I don't understand.  Why are you doing this at all...?	That's none of your fucking business...
-Well, well, well, talk to me, we sat down to eat dinner, and here I'm a criminal...	You went for it.
-You went for it.	In the abstract...
-In the abstract...	So I'm making it concrete.
-So I'm making it concrete.	Why?
-Why?	Why?  Why you going to give me five grand?
-Why?  Why you going to give me five grand?	Do you need five grand?
-Do you need five grand?	Is that what I just said?
-Is that what I just said?	You need money?  Is that the...
-You need money?  Is that the...	Hey, hey, let's just keep it simple, what I need is not the...what do you need...?
-Hey, hey, let's just keep it simple, what I need is not the...what do you need...?	What is the five grand?  What is the, you said that we were going to split five...
-What is the five grand?  What is the, you said that we were going to split five...	I lied.  Alright?  My end is my business. Your end's twenty-five.  In or out. You tell me, you're out you take the consequences.
-I lied.  Alright?  My end is my business. Your end's twenty-five.  In or out. You tell me, you're out you take the consequences.	I do?
-I do?	Yes.
-And why is that?	Because you listened.
-Can we get some coffee...?	How ya doing?
-Fine.	Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.	If anyone's going, I could use some coffee.
-I, you know, they should be insured.	What do you care...?
-Then, you know, they wouldn't be so ups...	Yeah.  That's swell.  Yes.  You're right.  How are you?
-Yeah.  That's swell.  Yes.  You're right.  How are you?	I'm fine.  You mean the board?  You mean the board...?
-I'm fine.  You mean the board?  You mean the board...?	I don't...yes.  Okay, the board.
-I don't...yes.  Okay, the board.	I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm fucked on the board.  You.  You see how...I...  I can't...my mind must be in other places. 'Cause I can't do any...
-I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm fucked on the board.  You.  You see how...I...  I can't...my mind must be in other places. 'Cause I can't do any...	What?  You can't do any what?
-I can't close 'em.	Well, they're old.  I saw the shit that they were giving you.
-Well, they're old.  I saw the shit that they were giving you.	Yes.
-Yes.	Huh?
-Huh?	Yes.  They are old.
-Yes.  They are old.	They're ancient.
-They're ancient.	Clear...
-Clear...	Clear Meadows.  That shit's dead.
-It is dead.	It's a waste of time.
-It's a waste of time.	Yes.  I'm no fucking good.
-Yes.  I'm no fucking good.	That's...
-That's...	Everything I...you know...
-Everything I...you know...	That's not...Fuck that shit, George. You're a, hey, you had a bad month. You're a good man, George.
-That's not...Fuck that shit, George. You're a, hey, you had a bad month. You're a good man, George.	I am?
-I am?	You hit a bad streak.  We've all... look at this: fifteen units Mountain View, the fucking things get stole.
-You hit a bad streak.  We've all... look at this: fifteen units Mountain View, the fucking things get stole.	He said he filed...
-He said he filed...	He filed half of them, he filed the big one.  All the little ones, I have, I have to go back and...ah, fuck, I got to go out like a fucking schmuck hat in my hand and reclose the...  I mean, talk about a bad streak. That would sap anyone's self confi... I got to go out and reclose all my... Where's the phones?
-He filed half of them, he filed the big one.  All the little ones, I have, I have to go back and...ah, fuck, I got to go out like a fucking schmuck hat in my hand and reclose the...  I mean, talk about a bad streak. That would sap anyone's self confi... I got to go out and reclose all my... Where's the phones?	They stole...
-They stole...	They stole the...
-What.  What kind of outfit are we running where...where anyone...	They stole the phones.
-They stole the phones.	Where criminals can come in here... they take the...
-Where criminals can come in here... they take the...	They stole the phones.  They stole the leads.  They're...Christ.  What am I going to do this month? Oh, shit...
-You think they're going to catch... where are you going?	Down the street.
-Were the leads...	...what am I going to do all month...
-...what am I going to do all month...	Were the leads insured?
-He said we're all going to have to go talk to the guy.	What?
-He said we...	To the cops?
-To the cops?	Yeah.
-Yeah.	Yeah.  That's swell.  Another waste of time.
-Yeah.  That's swell.  Another waste of time.	A waste of time?  Why?
-A waste of time?  Why?	Why? 'Cause they aren't going to find the guy.
-Why? 'Cause they aren't going to find the guy.	The cops?
-The cops?	Yes.  The cops.  No.
-Yes.  The cops.  No.	They aren't?
-They aren't?	No.
-No.	Why don't you think so?
-Why don't you think so?	"Why?  Because they're stupid. ""Where were you last night..."""
-"Why?  Because they're stupid. ""Where were you last night..."""	Where were you?
-Where were you?	Where was I?
-Where was I?	Yes.
-Yes.	I was at home, where were you?
-I was at home, where were you?	At home.
-See...?  Were you the guy who broke in?	Was I?
-Was I?	Yes.
-Yes.	No.
-No.	Then don't sweat it, George, you know why?
-Then don't sweat it, George, you know why?	No.
-No.	You have nothing to hide.
-You have nothing to hide.	When I talk to the police, I get nervous.
-When I talk to the police, I get nervous.	Yeah.  You know who doesn't?
-Yeah.  You know who doesn't?	No, who?
-No, who?	Thieves.
-Thieves.	Why?
-Why?	They're inured to it.
-They're inured to it.	You think so?
-You think so?	Yes.
-Will you excuse...	Where did Moss...?  I...
-Where did Moss...?  I...	Will you excuse us please?
-Will you excuse us please?	Uh, uh, did he go to the restaurant?  I...I...
-Did they...?	You understand?
-You understand?	Did they catch...?
-Did they catch...?	Do you understand?  My stuff is mine, his stuff is ours.  I'm taking half of his commissions-- now, you work it out.
-Did the leads come in yet?	No.
-No.	Oh, God, I hate this job.
-Oh, God, I hate this job.	I'll be at the restaurant.
-Read it. Bruce and Harriett Nyborg. What happened here? Fuck. I had them on River Glen. -Shelly, the Machine, Levene. You... -You... That's great. -That's great. Thank you, George. -Wh...wh...Wha...? We had a robbery. -...how can you talk to me that... that... Rick, I'm going to flag a cab. -Rick, I'm going to flag a cab. I didn't rob... -Who used to say that? In school. -I, um, and may...maybe they're in... they're in...you should, John, if we're ins... I'm sure that we're insured, George... -I don't know, George, why? 'Cause, you know, 'cause they weren't, I know that Mitch and Murray uh... -What? That they're going to be upset. -That they're going to be upset. That's right. You want to go out today...? -Shelly: get in the office. "I didn't...why should I...""Where were you last..."" Is anybody listening to me...? Where's Moss...? Where...?" -...Come in here...I work here, I don't come in here to be mistreated... Go to lunch, will you... -Go to lunch, will you... I want to work today, that's why I came... -I want to work today, that's why I came... The leads come in, I'll let... -The leads come in, I'll let... ...that's why I came in. I thought I... -...that's why I came in. I thought I... Just go to lunch. -Just go to lunch. I don't want to go to lunch. -I don't want to go to lunch. Go to lunch, George. -Go to lunch, George. Where does he get off to talk that way to a working man? It's not... -Where does he get off to talk that way to a working man? It's not... Will you take it outside, we have people trying to do business here... -Will you take it outside, we have people trying to do business here... That's what, that's what, that's what I was trying to do. That's why I came in...I meet gestapo tac... -That's what, that's what, that's what I was trying to do. That's why I came in...I meet gestapo tac... Excuse me... -"I meet gestapo tactics...I meet gestapo tactics...That's not right... No man has the right to...""Call an attorney,"" that means you're guilt... you're under sus...""Co...,"" he says, ""cooperate"" or we'll go downtown. That's not...as long as I've..." Will you get out of here. Will you get out of here. Will you. I'm trying to run an office here. Will you go to lunch? Go to lunch. Will you go to lunch? -Mmm. Did they find the guy who broke into the office yet? -Williamson...Williamson, they stole the contracts...? Excuse me, sir... -Excuse me, sir... Did they get my contracts? -Excuse me, fella. ...did they... -...did they... Would you excuse us, please...? -Would you excuse us, please...? Don't fuck with me, fella. I'm talking about a fuckin' Cadillac car that you owe me... -Oh, fuck. Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK! WILLIAMSON!!! WILLIAMSON!!! OPEN THE FUCKING...WILLIAMSON... Who are you? -Who told you...? Who told me wh...? You've got a fuckin', you've...a...who is this...? You've got a board-up on the window...Moss told me. -Who told me wh...? You've got a fuckin', you've...a...who is this...? You've got a board-up on the window...Moss told me. Moss...Who told him? -Moss...Who told him? How the fuck do I know? What...talk to me. -And I don't want any fucking shit and I don't give a shit, Lingk puts me over the top, you filed it, that's fine, any other shit kicks out you go back. You...you reclose it, 'cause I closed it and you...you owe me the car. Would you excuse us, please. -Fuck insured. You owe me a car. Please don't leave. I'm going to talk to you. What's your name? -Please don't leave. I'm going to talk to you. What's your name? Are you talking to me? -Aaronow... They took the typewriters, they took the leads, they took the cash, they took the contracts... -Listen to me, the statute, it's for your protection. I have no complaints with that, in fact, I was a member of the board when we drafted it, so quite the opposite. It says that you can change your mind three working days from the time the deal is closed. Levene! -Levene! Which, wait a second, which is not until the check is cashed. -Which, wait a second, which is not until the check is cashed. Levene!! -Roma! I'm talking to you... I've...look. Will someone get this guy off my back. -I've...look. Will someone get this guy off my back. You have a problem? -You have a problem? Yes, I have a problem. Yes, I do, my fr...It's not me that ripped the joint off, I'm doing business. I'll be with you in a while. You got it...? Where are you going? -Roma, would you, I'd like to get some lunch... I'm talking with Mr. Lingk. If you please, I'll be back in. I'll be back in a while...I told you, check with Mr. Williamson. -I'm talking with Mr. Lingk. If you please, I'll be back in. I'll be back in a while...I told you, check with Mr. Williamson. The people downtown said... -The people downtown said... You call them again. Mr. Williamson...! -You stupid fucking cunt. You, Williamson...I'm talking to you, shithead...You just cost me six thousand dollars. Six thousand dollars. And one Cadillac. That's right. What are you going to do about it? What are you goin to do about it, asshole. You fucking shit. Where did you learn your trade. You stupid fucking cunt. You idiot. Whoever told you you could work with men? Could I... -Could I... I'm going to have your job, shithead. I'm going downtown and talk to Mitch and Murrray, and I'm going to Lemkin. I don't care whose nephew you are, who you know, whose dick you're sucking on. You're going out, I swear to you, you're going... -I'm going to have your job, shithead. I'm going downtown and talk to Mitch and Murrray, and I'm going to Lemkin. I don't care whose nephew you are, who you know, whose dick you're sucking on. You're going out, I swear to you, you're going... Hey, fella, let's get this done... -Hey, fella, let's get this done... Anyone in this office lives on their wits... I'm going to be with you in a second. What you're hired for is to help us--does that seem clear to you? -Mr. Levene...? You're done, come down, and let's... -You're done, come down, and let's... Would you come in here, please? -Would you come in here, please? And let's put this together. Okay? Shel? Say okay. -Mr. Levene, I think we have to talk. I'm going to the Chinks. You're done, come down, we're going to smoke a cigarette. -"Hey, hey, hey, easy friend. That's the ""Machine."" That is Shelly ""The Machine"" Lev..." Get in the goddamn room. -John...John...John. Okay. John. John. Look: The Glengarry Highland's leads, you're sending Roma out. Fine. He's a good man. We know what he is. He's fine. All I'm saying, you look at the board, he's throwing...wait, wait, wait, he's throwing them away, he's throwing the leads away. All that I'm saying, that you're wasting leads. I don't want to tell you your job. All that I'm saying, things get set, I know they do, you get a certain mindset... A guy gets a reputation. We know how this...all I'm saying, put a closer on the job. There's more than one man for the... Put a...wait a second, put a proven man out...and you watch, now wait a second--and you watch your dollar volumes...You start closing them for fifty 'stead of twenty- five...you put a closer on the... Shelly, you blew the last... -Shelly, you blew the last... "No. John. No. Let's wait, let's back up here, I did...will you please? Wait a second. Please. I didn't ""blow"" them. No. I didn't ""blow"" them. No. One kicked out, one I closed..." -"No. John. No. Let's wait, let's back up here, I did...will you please? Wait a second. Please. I didn't ""blow"" them. No. I didn't ""blow"" them. No. One kicked out, one I closed..." ...you didn't close... -...you didn't close... ...I, if you'd listen to me. Please. I closed the cocksucker. His ex, John, his ex, I didn't know he was married...he, the judge invalidated the... -Shelly... ...and what is that, John? What? Bad luck. That's all it is. I pray in your life you will never find it runs in streaks. That's what it does, that's all it's doing. Streaks. I pray it misses you. That's all I want to say. -...and what is that, John? What? Bad luck. That's all it is. I pray in your life you will never find it runs in streaks. That's what it does, that's all it's doing. Streaks. I pray it misses you. That's all I want to say. What about the other two? -What about the other two? What two? -What two? Four. You had four leads. One kicked out, one the judge, you say... -Four. You had four leads. One kicked out, one the judge, you say... ...you want to see the court records? John? Eh? You want to go down... -...you want to see the court records? John? Eh? You want to go down... ...no... -...no... ...do you want to go downtown...? -...do you want to go downtown...? ...no... -...no... ...then... -...then... ...I only... -...I only... "...then what is this ""you say"" shit, what is that? What is that...?" -"...then what is this ""you say"" shit, what is that? What is that...?" All that I'm saying... -"What is this ""you say""? A deal kicks out...I got to eat. Shit, Williamson, shit. You...Moss... Roma...look at the sheets...look at the sheets. Nineteen eighty, eighty-one...eighty-two...six months of eighty-two...who's there? Who's up there?" Roma. -Roma. Under him? -Under him? Moss. -Moss. Bullshit. John. Bullshit. April, September 1981. It's me. It isn't fucking Moss. Due respect, he's an order taker, John. He talks, he talks a good game, look at the board, and it's me, John, it's me... -Bullshit. John. Bullshit. April, September 1981. It's me. It isn't fucking Moss. Due respect, he's an order taker, John. He talks, he talks a good game, look at the board, and it's me, John, it's me... Not lately it isn't. -Not lately it isn't. "Lately kiss my ass lately. That isn't how you build an org...talk, talk to Murray. Talk to Mitch. When we were on Peterson, who paid for his fucking car? You talk to him. The Seville...? He came in, ""You bought that for me Shelly."" Out of what? Cold calling. Nothing. Sixty-five, when we were there, with Glen Ross Farms? You call 'em downtown. What was that? Luck? That was ""luck""? Bullshit, John. You're burning my ass, I can't get a fucking lead...you think that was luck. My stats for those years? Bullshit...over that period of time...? Bullshit. It wasn't luck. It was skill. You want to throw that away, John...? You want to throw that away?" -"Lately kiss my ass lately. That isn't how you build an org...talk, talk to Murray. Talk to Mitch. When we were on Peterson, who paid for his fucking car? You talk to him. The Seville...? He came in, ""You bought that for me Shelly."" Out of what? Cold calling. Nothing. Sixty-five, when we were there, with Glen Ross Farms? You call 'em downtown. What was that? Luck? That was ""luck""? Bullshit, John. You're burning my ass, I can't get a fucking lead...you think that was luck. My stats for those years? Bullshit...over that period of time...? Bullshit. It wasn't luck. It was skill. You want to throw that away, John...? You want to throw that away?" It isn't me... -...it isn't you...? Who is it? Who is this I'm talking to? I need the leads... ...after the thirtieth... -...after the thirtieth... Bullshit the thirtieth, I don't get on the board the thirtieth, they're going to can my ass. I need the leads. I need them now. Or I'm gone, and you're going to miss me, John, I swear to you. -Bullshit the thirtieth, I don't get on the board the thirtieth, they're going to can my ass. I need the leads. I need them now. Or I'm gone, and you're going to miss me, John, I swear to you. Murray... -Murray... ...you talk to Murray... -...you talk to Murray... I have. And my job is to marshal those leads... -I have. And my job is to marshal those leads... "Marshal the leads...marshal the leads? What the fuck, what bus did you get off of, we're here to fucking sell. Fuck marshaling the leads. What the fuck talk is that? What the fuck talk is that? Where did you learn that? In school? That's ""talk,"" my friend, that's ""talk."" Our job is to sell. I'm the man to sell. I'm getting garbage. You're giving it to me, and what I'm saying is it's fucked." -"Marshal the leads...marshal the leads? What the fuck, what bus did you get off of, we're here to fucking sell. Fuck marshaling the leads. What the fuck talk is that? What the fuck talk is that? Where did you learn that? In school? That's ""talk,"" my friend, that's ""talk."" Our job is to sell. I'm the man to sell. I'm getting garbage. You're giving it to me, and what I'm saying is it's fucked." You're saying that I'm fucked. -You're saying that I'm fucked. Yes. I am. I'm sorry to antagonize you. -Yes. I am. I'm sorry to antagonize you. Let me... -...and I'm going to get bounced and you're... ...let me...are you listening to me...? -...let me...are you listening to me...? Yes. -Yes. Let me tell you something, Shelly. I do what I'm hired to do. I'm...wait a second. I'm hired to watch the leads. I'm given...hold on, I'm given a policy. My job is to do that. What I'm told. That's it. You, wait a second, anybody falls below a certain mark I'm not permitted to give them the premium leads. -Let me tell you something, Shelly. I do what I'm hired to do. I'm...wait a second. I'm hired to watch the leads. I'm given...hold on, I'm given a policy. My job is to do that. What I'm told. That's it. You, wait a second, anybody falls below a certain mark I'm not permitted to give them the premium leads. Then how do they come up above that mark? With dreck...? That's nonsense. Explain this to me. 'Cause it's a waste, and it's a stupid waste. I want to tell you something... -Then how do they come up above that mark? With dreck...? That's nonsense. Explain this to me. 'Cause it's a waste, and it's a stupid waste. I want to tell you something... You know what those leads cost? -You know what those leads cost? The premium leads. Yes. I know what they cost. John. Because I, I generated the dollar revenue sufficient to buy them. Nineteen senny-nine, you know what I made? Senny-nine? Ninety-six thousand dollars. John? For Murray... For Mitch...look at the sheets... -The premium leads. Yes. I know what they cost. John. Because I, I generated the dollar revenue sufficient to buy them. Nineteen senny-nine, you know what I made? Senny-nine? Ninety-six thousand dollars. John? For Murray... For Mitch...look at the sheets... Murray said... -Murray said... "Fuck him. Fuck Murray. John? You know? You tell him I said so. What does he fucking know? He's going to have a ""sales"" contest...you know what our sales contest used to be?" -Money. A fortune. Money lying on the ground. Murray? When was the last time he went out on a sit? Sales contest? It's laughable. It's cold out there now, John. It's tight. Money is tight. This ain't sixty-five. It ain't. It just ain't. See? See? Now, I'm a good man--but I need a... Murray said... -Murray said... John. John... -John. John... Will you please wait a second. Shelly. Please. Murray told me: the hot leads... -Will you please wait a second. Shelly. Please. Murray told me: the hot leads... ...ah, fuck this... -...ah, fuck this... The...Shelly? The hot leads are assigned according to the board. During the contest. Period. Anyone who beats fifty per... -The...Shelly? The hot leads are assigned according to the board. During the contest. Period. Anyone who beats fifty per... That's fucked. That's fucked. You don't look at the fucking percentage. You look at the gross. -That's fucked. That's fucked. You don't look at the fucking percentage. You look at the gross. Either way. You're out. -Either way. You're out. I'm out. -I'm out. Yes. -Yes. I'll tell you why I'm out. I'm out, you're giving me toilet paper. John. -I've seen those leads. I saw them when I was at Homestead, we pitched those cocksuckers Rio Rancho nineteen sixty-nine they wouldn't buy. They couldn't buy a fucking toaster. They're broke, John. They're cold. They're deadbeats, you can't judge on that. Even so. Even so. Alright. Fine. Fine. Even so. I go in, FOUR FUCKING LEADS they got their money in a sock. They're fucking Polacks, John. Four leads. I close two. Two. Fifty per... ...they kicked out. -...they kicked out. They all kick out. You run in streaks, pal. Streaks. I'm... I'm...don't look at the board, look at me. Shelly Levene. Anyone. Ask them on Western. Ask Getz at Homestead. Go ask Jerry Graff. You know who I am...I NEED A SHOT. I got to get on the fucking board. Ask them. Ask them. Ask them who ever picked up a check I was flush. Moss, Jerry Graff, Mitch himself...Those guys lived on the business I brought in. They lived on it...and so did Murray, John. You were here you'd of benefited from it too. And now I'm saying this. Do I want charity? Do I want pity? I want sits. I want leads that don't come right out of a phone book. Give me a lead hotter than that, I'll go in and close it. Give me a chance. That's all I want. I'm going to get up on that fucking board and all I want is a chance. It's a streak and I'm going to turn it around. I need your help. -Why? The leads are assigned randomly... -The leads are assigned randomly... Bullshit, bullshit, you assign them... What are you telling me? -Bullshit, bullshit, you assign them... What are you telling me? ...apart from the top men on the contest board. -...apart from the top men on the contest board. Then put me on the board. -Then put me on the board. You start closing again, you'll be on the board. -You start closing again, you'll be on the board. "I can't close these leads, John. No one can. It's a joke. John, look, just give me a hot lead. Just give me two of the premium leads. As a ""test,"" alright? As a ""test"" and I promise you..." -"I can't close these leads, John. No one can. It's a joke. John, look, just give me a hot lead. Just give me two of the premium leads. As a ""test,"" alright? As a ""test"" and I promise you..." I can't do it, Shel. -Of what? And what if you don't close. -And what if you don't close. I will close. -I will close. What if you don't close...? -I will close. What if you don't? Then I'm fucked. You see...? Then it's my job. That's what I'm telling you. -What if you don't? Then I'm fucked. You see...? Then it's my job. That's what I'm telling you. I will close. John, John, ten percent. I can get hot. You know that... -I will close. John, John, ten percent. I can get hot. You know that... Not lately you can't... -Not lately you can't... Fuck that. That's defeatist. Fuck that. Fuck it...Get on my side. Go with me. Let's do something. You want to run this office, run it. -Fuck that. That's defeatist. Fuck that. Fuck it...Get on my side. Go with me. Let's do something. You want to run this office, run it. Twenty percent. -Alright. And fifty bucks a lead. -And fifty bucks a lead. "John. Listen. I want to talk to you. Permit me to do this a second. I'm older than you. A man acquires a reputation. On the street. What he does when he's up, what he does otherwise...I said ""ten,"" you said ""no."" You said ""twenty."" I said ""fine,"" I'm not going to fuck with you, how can I beat that, you tell me?...Okay. Okay. We'll...Okay. Fine. We'll...Alright, twenty percent, and fifty bucks a lead. That's fine. For now. That's fine. A month or two we'll talk. A month from now. Next month. After the thirtieth. We'll talk." -What are we going to say? No. You're right. That's for later. We'll talk in a month. What have you got? I want two sits. Tonight. -No. You're right. That's for later. We'll talk in a month. What have you got? I want two sits. Tonight. I'm not sure I have two. -I'm not sure I have two. I saw the board. You've got four... -I saw the board. You've got four... I've got Roma. Then I've got Moss... -I've got Roma. Then I've got Moss... Bullshit. They ain't been in the office yet. Give 'em some stiff. We have a deal or not? Eh? Two sits. The Des Plaines. Both of 'em, six and ten, you can do it...six and ten...eight and eleven, I don't give a shit, you set 'em up? Alright? The two sits in Des Plaines. -Bullshit. They ain't been in the office yet. Give 'em some stiff. We have a deal or not? Eh? Two sits. The Des Plaines. Both of 'em, six and ten, you can do it...six and ten...eight and eleven, I don't give a shit, you set 'em up? Alright? The two sits in Des Plaines. Alright. -Alright. Good. Now we're talking. -Now? Now? Now. Yes...When? -I wish I could. You fucking asshole. I haven't got it. I haven't got it, John. I'll pay you tomorrow. I'm coming in here with the sales, I'll pay you tomorrow. I haven't got it, when I pay, the gas...I get back the hotel, I'll bring it in tomorrow. -You fucking asshole. I haven't got it. I haven't got it, John. I'll pay you tomorrow. I'm coming in here with the sales, I'll pay you tomorrow. I haven't got it, when I pay, the gas...I get back the hotel, I'll bring it in tomorrow. Can't do it. -Can't do it. I'll give you thirty on them now, I'll bring the rest tomorrow. I've got it at the hotel. John? We do that, for chrissake? -I'll give you thirty on them now, I'll bring the rest tomorrow. I've got it at the hotel. John? We do that, for chrissake? No. -No. I'm asking you. As a favor to me? John. John: my daughter... -I'm asking you. As a favor to me? John. John: my daughter... I can't do it, Shelly... -"Well, I want to tell you something, fella, wasn't long I could pick up the phone, call Murray and I'd have your job. You know that? Not too long ago. For what? For nothing. ""Mur, this new kid burns my ass."" ""Shelly, he's out."" You're gone before I'm back from lunch. I bought him a trip to Bermuda once..." I have to go... -Wait. Alright. Fine. The one. Give me the lead. Give me the one lead. The best one you have. I can't split them. -Why? Because I say so. -Because I say so. Is that it? Is that it? You want to do business that way...? -You want to do business that way...? Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. What is there on the other list...? You want something off the B list? -You want something off the B list? Yeah. Yeah. -Is that what you're saying? That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I'd like something off the other list. Which, very least, that I'm entitled to. If I'm still working here, which for the moment I guess that I am. What? I'm sorry I spoke harshly to you. -That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I'd like something off the other list. Which, very least, that I'm entitled to. If I'm still working here, which for the moment I guess that I am. What? I'm sorry I spoke harshly to you. That's alright. -That's alright. The deal still stands, our other thing. -What happened? Somebody broke in. -Ah, fuck. Leads! Leads! Williamson! Send me out! Send me out! The leads are coming. -The leads are coming. Get 'em to me! -Get 'em to me! I talked to Murray and Mitch an hour ago. They're coming in, you understand they're a bit upset over this morning's... -I talked to Murray and Mitch an hour ago. They're coming in, you understand they're a bit upset over this morning's... Did you tell 'em my sale? -How could I tell 'em your sale? Eh? I don't have a tel...I'll tell 'em your sale when they bring in the leads. Alright? Shelly. Alright? We had a little... You closed a deal. You made a good sale. Fine. It's better than a good sale. It's a... -It's better than a good sale. It's a... Look: I have a lot of things on my mind, they're coming in, alright, they're very upset, I'm trying to make some sense... -Look: I have a lot of things on my mind, they're coming in, alright, they're very upset, I'm trying to make some sense... All that I'm telling you: that one thing you can tell them it's a remarkable sale. -All that I'm telling you: that one thing you can tell them it's a remarkable sale. The only thing remarkable is who you made it to. -The only thing remarkable is who you made it to. What does that fucking mean? -What does that fucking mean? That if the sale sticks, it will be a miracle. -That if the sale sticks, it will be a miracle. "Why should the sale not stick? Hey, fuck you. That's what I'm saying. You have no idea of your job. A man's his job and you're fucked at yours. You hear what I'm saying to you? Your ""end of month board..."" You can't run an office. I don't care. You don't know what it is, you don't have the sense, you don't have the balls. You ever been on a sit? Ever? Has this cocksucker ever been...you ever sit down with a cust..." -"Why should the sale not stick? Hey, fuck you. That's what I'm saying. You have no idea of your job. A man's his job and you're fucked at yours. You hear what I'm saying to you? Your ""end of month board..."" You can't run an office. I don't care. You don't know what it is, you don't have the sense, you don't have the balls. You ever been on a sit? Ever? Has this cocksucker ever been...you ever sit down with a cust..." I were you, I'd calm down, Shelly. -Would you? Would you...? Or you're gonna what, fire me? It's not impossible. -It's not impossible. On an eighty-thousand dollar day? And it ain't even noon. -Mmm. You can't think on your feet you should keep your mouth closed. You hear me? I'm talking to you. Do you hear me...? -You can't think on your feet you should keep your mouth closed. You hear me? I'm talking to you. Do you hear me...? Yes. I hear you. -Yes. I hear you. You can't learn that in an office. Eh? He's right. You have to learn it on the streets. You can't buy that. You have to live it. -You can't learn that in an office. Eh? He's right. You have to learn it on the streets. You can't buy that. You have to live it. Mmm. -Mmm. Yes. Mmm. Yes. Precisely. Precisely. 'Cause your partner depends on it. I'm talking to you, I'm trying to tell you something. -You are? Yes, I am. -Yes, I am. What are you trying to tell me? -What are you trying to tell me? What Roma's trying to tell you. What I told you yesterday. Why you don't belong in this business. -What Roma's trying to tell you. What I told you yesterday. Why you don't belong in this business. Why I don't... -Why I don't... "You listen to me, someday you might say, ""Hey..."" No, fuck that, you just listen what I'm going to say: your partner depends on you. Your partner...a man who's your ""partner"" depends on you...you have to go with him and for him...or you're shit, you're shit, you can't exist alone..." -"You listen to me, someday you might say, ""Hey..."" No, fuck that, you just listen what I'm going to say: your partner depends on you. Your partner...a man who's your ""partner"" depends on you...you have to go with him and for him...or you're shit, you're shit, you can't exist alone..." Excuse me... -Excuse me... ...excuse me, nothing, you be as cold as you want, but you just fucked a good man out of six thousand dollars and his goddamn bonus 'cause you didn't know the shot, if you can do that and you aren't man enough that it gets you, then I don't know what, if you can't take some thing from that... you're scum, you're fucking white- bread. You be as cold as you want. A child would know it, he's right. You're going to make something up, be sure it will help or keep your mouth closed. -How do you know I made it up? What? -What? How do you know I made it up? -How do you know I made it up? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? "You said, ""You don't make something up unless it's sure to help."" How did you know that I made it up?" -"You said, ""You don't make something up unless it's sure to help."" How did you know that I made it up?" What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? I told the customer that his contracts had gone to the bank. -I told the customer that his contracts had gone to the bank. Well, hadn't it? -Well, hadn't it? No. It hadn't. -No. It hadn't. Don't fuck with me, John, don't fuck with me...what are you saying? -Well, I'm saying this, Shel: usually I take the contracts to the bank. Last night I didn't. How did you know that? One night in a year I left a contract on my desk. Nobody knew that but you. Now how did you know that? You want to talk to me, you want to talk to someone else...because this is my job. This is my job on the line, and you are going to talk to me. Now how did you know that contract was on my desk? You're so full of shit. -You're so full of shit. You robbed the office. -You robbed the office. Sure! I robbed the office. Sure. -Sure! I robbed the office. Sure. What'd you do with the leads? You want to go in there? I tell him what I know, he's going to dig up something...You got an alibi last night? You better have one. What did you do with the leads? If you tell me what you did with the leads, we can talk. -What'd you do with the leads? You want to go in there? I tell him what I know, he's going to dig up something...You got an alibi last night? You better have one. What did you do with the leads? If you tell me what you did with the leads, we can talk. I don't know what you are saying. -I don't know what you are saying. If you tell me where the leads are, I won't turn you in. If you don't, I am going to tell the cop you stole them, Mitch and Murray will see that you go to jail. Believe me they will. Now, what did you do with the leads? I'm walking in that door--you have five seconds to tell me: or you are going to jail. -If you tell me where the leads are, I won't turn you in. If you don't, I am going to tell the cop you stole them, Mitch and Murray will see that you go to jail. Believe me they will. Now, what did you do with the leads? I'm walking in that door--you have five seconds to tell me: or you are going to jail. I... -I sold them to Jerry Graff. How much did you get for them? How much did you get for them? -How much did you get for them? How much did you get for them? Five thousand. I kept half. -Five thousand. I kept half. Who kept the other half? -Do I have to tell you? Moss. That was easy, wasn't it? -It was his idea. Was it? -Was it? I...I'm sure he got more than the five, actually. -I...I'm sure he got more than the five, actually. Uh-huh? -Uh-huh? He told me my share was twenty-five. -He told me my share was twenty-five. Mmm. -"Okay: I...look: I'm going to make it worth your while. I am. I turned this thing around. I closed the old stuff, I can do it again. I'm the one's going to close 'em. I am! I am! 'Cause I turned this thing a...I can do that, I can do anyth...last night. I'm going to tell you, I was ready to Do the Dutch. Moss gets me, ""Do this, we'll get well..."" Why not. Big fuckin' deal. I'm halfway hoping to get caught. To put me out of my... But it taught me something. What it taught me, that you've got to get out there. Big deal. So I wasn't cut out to be a thief. I was cut out to be a salesman. And now I'm back, and I got my balls back...and, you know, John, you have the advantage on me now: Whatever it takes to make it right, we'll make it right. We're going to make it right." I want to tell you something, Shelly. You have a big mouth. -What? You've got a big mouth, and now I'm going to show you an even bigger one. -Wait...uh, look... Look, twelve, twenty, two, twen... twenty-five hundred, it's...take it. Take it all... Take it! No, I don't think so, Shel. -No, I don't think so, Shel. I... -I... No, I think I don't want your money. I think you fucked up my office. And I think you're going away. -No, I think I don't want your money. I think you fucked up my office. And I think you're going away. I...what? Are you, are you, that's why...? Are you nuts? I'm...I'm going to close for you, I'm going to... Here, here, I'm going to make this office...I'm going to be back there Number One...Hey, hey, hey! This is only the beginning...List...list... listen. Listen. Just one moment. List...here's what...here's what we're going to do. Twenty percent. I'm going to give you twenty percent of my sales... Twenty percent. For as long as I am with the firm. Fifty percent. You're going to be my partner. Fifty percent. Of all my sales. -I...what? Are you, are you, that's why...? Are you nuts? I'm...I'm going to close for you, I'm going to... Here, here, I'm going to make this office...I'm going to be back there Number One...Hey, hey, hey! This is only the beginning...List...list... listen. Listen. Just one moment. List...here's what...here's what we're going to do. Twenty percent. I'm going to give you twenty percent of my sales... Twenty percent. For as long as I am with the firm. Fifty percent. You're going to be my partner. Fifty percent. Of all my sales. What sales? -What sales...? I just closed eighty-two grand...Are you fuckin'...I'm back...I'm back, this is only the beginning. Only the beginning... -Only the beginning... Abso... -Abso... Where have you been, Shelly? Bruce and Harriet Nyborg. Do you want to see the memos...? They're nuts... they used to call in every week. When I was with Webb. And we were selling Arizona...they're nuts...did you see how they were living? How can you delude yours... -Where have you been, Shelly? Bruce and Harriet Nyborg. Do you want to see the memos...? They're nuts... they used to call in every week. When I was with Webb. And we were selling Arizona...they're nuts...did you see how they were living? How can you delude yours... I've got the check... -I've got the check... Forget it. Frame it. It's worthless. -The check's no good? You stick around I'll pull the memo for you. I'm busy now... -You stick around I'll pull the memo for you. I'm busy now... Their check's no good? They're nuts...? -Their check's no good? They're nuts...? Call up the bank. I called them. -Call up the bank. I called them. You did? -Don't. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Why? -Why? Because I don't like you. -Because I don't like you. John: John:...my daughter... -John: John:...my daughter... Fuck you. -You did that? Eighty-two thousand dollars. -Those fuckin' deadbeats... My ass. I told 'em. Listen to this: I said... -My ass. I told 'em. Listen to this: I said... Hey, I don't want to hear your fucking war stories... -Give me some leads. I'm going out... I'm getting out of... """...you have to believe in yourself...""" -"""...you have to believe in yourself...""" Na, fuck the leads, I'm going home. -Na, fuck the leads, I'm going home. """Bruce, Harriet...Fuck me, believe in yourself...""" -Hey, they're fuckin' garbage any case...This whole goddamn... """...You look around, you say, 'This one has so-and-so, and I have nothing...""" -"""...You look around, you say, 'This one has so-and-so, and I have nothing...""" Shit. -Shit. """'Why? Why don't I get the opportunities...?""" -"""'Why? Why don't I get the opportunities...?""" And did they steal the contracts...? -...the fuck is that supposed to mean...? Will you shut up, I'm telling you this... -"""You do get the..."" Huh? Huh?" Fuck is that supposed to mean? -Fuck is that supposed to mean? """You do get the opportunity...You get them. As I do, as anyone does...""" -"""You do get the opportunity...You get them. As I do, as anyone does...""" Ricky?...That I don't care they stole the contracts? -I got 'em in the kitchen. I'm eating her crumb cake. What does that mean? -Rick. Let me tell you. Wait, we're in the... Shut the fuck up. Ricky. You have a mean streak in you... And what the fuck are you babbling about...? -Dave... ...Shut up. Decide who should be dealt with how? Is that the thing? I come into the fuckin' office today, I get humiliated by some jagoff cop. I get accused of...I get this shit thrown in my face by you, you geniune shit, because you're top name on the board... -Get the chalk. Get the chalk...get the chalk! I closed 'em! I closed the cocksucker. Get the chalk and put me on the board. I'm going to Hawaii! Put me on the Cadillac board, Williamson! Pick up the fuckin' chalk. Eight units. Mountain View... You sold eight Mountain View? -You sold eight Mountain View? You bet your ass. Who wants to go to lunch? Who wants to go to lunch? I'm buying. Eighty-two fucking grand. And twelve grand in commission. John. On fucking deadbeat magazine subscription leads. -Eight units? That's right. -That's right. Shelly...! -Shelly...! Hey, big fucking deal. Broke a bad streak... -Williamson, get on the phone, call Mitch... They took the phones... -They took the phones... They... -When? Last night, this morning. -They took the leads? Mmm. -Just now. Guess who? -Fuck you, Dave... """You have to believe in yourself... you""--look--""alright...?""" -Fuck you care...? """I want to tell you something, Harriet...""" -How was it...? From the store. -From the store. Fuck her... -Fuck her... """What we have to do is admit to ourself that we see that opportunity...and take it. And that's it."" And we sit there. I got the pen out..." -"""What we have to do is admit to ourself that we see that opportunity...and take it. And that's it."" And we sit there. I got the pen out..." """Always be closing...""" -"""Always be closing...""" "That's what I'm saying. The old ways. The old ways...convert the motherfucker...sell him...sell him... make him sign the check. The...Bruce, Harriet...the kitchen, blah: they got their money in government bonds...I say fuck it, we're going to go the whole route. I plat it out eight units. Eighty- two grand. I tell them. ""This is now. This is that thing that you've been dreaming of, you're going to find that suitcase on the train, the guy comes in the door, the bag that's full of money. This is it, Harriett...""" -"That's what I'm saying. The old ways. The old ways...convert the motherfucker...sell him...sell him... make him sign the check. The...Bruce, Harriet...the kitchen, blah: they got their money in government bonds...I say fuck it, we're going to go the whole route. I plat it out eight units. Eighty- two grand. I tell them. ""This is now. This is that thing that you've been dreaming of, you're going to find that suitcase on the train, the guy comes in the door, the bag that's full of money. This is it, Harriett...""" Harriett... -Harriett... "Bruce...""I don't want to fuck around with you. I don't want to go round this, and pussyfoot around the thing, you have to look back on this. I do, too. I came here to do good for you and me. For both of us. Why take an interim position?" -"The only arrangement I'll accept is full investment. Period. The whole eight units. I know that you're saying 'be safe,' I know what you're saying. I know if I left you to yourselves, you'd say 'come back tomorrow,' and when I walked out that door, you'd make a cup of coffee...you'd sit down...and you'd think 'let's be safe...' and not to disappoint me you'd go one unit or maybe two, because you'd become scared because you'd met possibility. But this won't do, and that's not the subject..."" Listen to this, I actually said this. ""That's not the subject of our evening together."" Now I handed them the pen. I held it in my hand. I turned the contract, eight units eighty-two grand. ""Now I want you to sign."" I sat there. Five minutes. Then, I sat there, Ricky, twenty-two minutes by the kitchen clock. Twenty-two minutes by the kitchen clock. Not a word, not a motion. What am I thinking? ""My arm's getting tired?"" No. I did it. I did it. Like in the old says, Ricky. Like I was taught... Like, like, like I used to do...I did it." Like you taught me... -Like you taught me... "Bullshit, you're...No. That's raw... well, if I did, then I'm glad I did. I, well. I locked on them. All on them, nothing on me. All my thoughts are on them. I'm holding the last thought that I spoke: ""Now is the time."" They signed, Ricky. It was great. It was fucking great. It was like they wilted all at once. No gesture...nothing. Like together." -You closed 'em today? Yes. I did. This morning. What I'm saying to you: things can change. You see? This is where you fuck up, because this is something you don't know. You can't look down the road. And see what's coming. Might be someone else, John. It might be someone new, eh? Someone new. And you can't look back. 'Cause you don't know history. You ask them. When we were at Rio Rancho, who was top man? A month...? Two months...? Eight months in twelve for three years in a row. You know what that means? You know what that means? Is that luck? Is that some, some, some purloined leads? That's skill. That's talent, that's, that's... -Yes. I did. This morning. What I'm saying to you: things can change. You see? This is where you fuck up, because this is something you don't know. You can't look down the road. And see what's coming. Might be someone else, John. It might be someone new, eh? Someone new. And you can't look back. 'Cause you don't know history. You ask them. When we were at Rio Rancho, who was top man? A month...? Two months...? Eight months in twelve for three years in a row. You know what that means? You know what that means? Is that luck? Is that some, some, some purloined leads? That's skill. That's talent, that's, that's... ...yes... -...yes... ...and you don't remember. 'Cause you weren't around. That's cold calling. Walk up to the door. I don't even know their name. I'm selling something they don't even want. You talk about soft sell... before we had a name for it...before we called it anything, we did it. -...and you don't remember. 'Cause you weren't around. That's cold calling. Walk up to the door. I don't even know their name. I'm selling something they don't even want. You talk about soft sell... before we had a name for it...before we called it anything, we did it. That's right, Shel. -"And, and, and, I did it. And I put a kid through school. She...and...Cold calling, fella. Door to door. But you don't know. You don't know. You never heard of a streak. You never heard of ""marshaling your sales force..."" What are you, you're a secretary, John. Fuck you. That's my message for you. Fuck you and kiss my ass. You don't like it, I'll go talk to Jerry Graff. Period. Fuck you. Put me on the board. And I want three worthwhile leads today and I don't want any bullshit about them and I want 'em close together 'cause I'm going to hit them all today. That's all I have to say to you." He's right, Williamson. -Oh, Christ. The hell with him. We'll go to lunch, the leads won't be up for... -The hell with him. We'll go to lunch, the leads won't be up for... "You're a client. I just sold you five waterfront Glengarry Farms. I rub my head, throw me the cue ""Kenilworth.""" -"You're a client. I just sold you five waterfront Glengarry Farms. I rub my head, throw me the cue ""Kenilworth.""" What is it? -What is it? Kenilw... -I own the property, my mother owns the property, I put her into it. I'm going to show you on the plats. You look when you get home A-3 through A-14 and 26 through 30. You take your time and if you still feel. No, Mr. Roma. I don't need the time, I've made a lot of investments in the last... -Glad to meet you. I just put Jim into Black Creek...are you acquainted with... -I just put Jim into Black Creek...are you acquainted with... No...Black Creek. Yes. In Florida? -No...Black Creek. Yes. In Florida? Yes. -Yes. I wanted to speak with you about... -I wanted to speak with you about... Well, we'll do that this weekend. -Well, we'll do that this weekend. My wife told me to look into... -My wife told me to look into... Beautiful. Beautiful rolling land. I was telling Jim and Jinny, Ray, I want to tell you something. You, Ray, you eat in a lot of restaurants. I know you do... -Mr. Morton's with American Express... he's... I can tell Jim what you do...? Sure. -Sure. Ray is director of all European sales and services for American Ex... But I'm saying you haven't had a meal until you've tasted...I was at the Lingks' last...as a matter of fact, what was that service feature you were talking about...? -Ray is director of all European sales and services for American Ex... But I'm saying you haven't had a meal until you've tasted...I was at the Lingks' last...as a matter of fact, what was that service feature you were talking about...? Which... -Which... """Home Cooking""...what did you call it, you said it...it was a tag phrase that you had,,," -"""Home Cooking""...what did you call it, you said it...it was a tag phrase that you had,,," Uh... -Uh... Home... -Home... Home cooking... -Home cooking... The monthly interview...? -The monthly interview...? Oh! For the magazine... -Oh! For the magazine... Yes. Is this something that I can talk ab... -Yes. Is this something that I can talk ab... Well, it isn't coming out until the February iss...sure. Sure, go ahead, Ricky. -You're sure? Go ahead. -Go ahead. Well, Ray was eating at one of his company's men's home in France...the man's French, isn't he? -Well, Ray was eating at one of his company's men's home in France...the man's French, isn't he? No, his wife is. -No, his wife is. Ah. Ah, his wife is. Ray: what time do you have...? -Ah. Ah, his wife is. Ray: what time do you have...? Twelve-fifteen. -Twelve-fifteen. Oh! My God...I've got to get you on the plane! -Oh! My God...I've got to get you on the plane! Didn't I say I was taking the two o'... -Didn't I say I was taking the two o'... No. You said the one. That's why you said we couldn't talk till Kenilworth. -No. You said the one. That's why you said we couldn't talk till Kenilworth. Oh, my God, you're right! I'm on the one... Well, let's scoot... -What? Kenilworth...? -Kenilworth...? I'm sorry...? -I'm sorry...? Kenilworth. -Kenilworth. Oh, God...Oh, God... Jim, excuse me...Ray, I told you, who he is is the senior vice- president American Express. His family owns 32 per...Over the past years I've sold him...I can't tell you the dollar amount, but quite a lot of land. I promised five weeks ago that I'd go to the wife's birthday party in Kenilworth tonight. I have to go. You understand. They treat me like a member of the family, so I have to go. -Rick...? I'm sorry, Jim. I can't talk now. I'll call you tonight...I'm sorry. I'm coming, Ray. -Rick...? I'm coming, Ray...what a day! I'll call you this evening, Jim. I'm sorry you had to come in...Monday, lunch. -Rick... One moment, I'll be right with you. In fact, a...one point, which I spoke to you of which I can't talk to you about here. -"I've wanted to talk to you for some time. For a long time, actually. I said, ""The Machine, there's a man I would work with. There's a man..."" You know? I never said a thing. I should have, don't know why I didn't. And that shit you were slinging on my guy today was so good...it...it was, and, excuse me, 'cause it isn't even my place to say it. It was admirable...it was the old stuff. Hey, I've been on a hot streak, so what? There's things that I could learn from you. You eat today?" Me. -Me. Yeah. -Yeah. Mm. -Mm. Well, you want to swing by the Chinks, watch me eat, we'll talk? -Well, you want to swing by the Chinks, watch me eat, we'll talk? I think I'd better stay here for a while. -Ricky, I... Okay, okay, I'll be at the resta... -Okay, okay, I'll be at the resta... Ricky... -...all train compartments smell vaguely of shit. It gets so you don't mind it. That's the worst thing that I can confess. You know how long it took me to get there? A long time. When you die you're going to regret the things you don't do. You think you're queer...? I'm going to tell you something: we're all queer. You think that you're a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality...? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheated on your wife...? You did it, live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. There's an absolute morality? May be. And then what? If you think there is, then be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don't think so. If you think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won't live in it. That's me. You ever take a dump made you feel you'd just slept for twelve hours...? Did I...? -Did I...? Yes. -Yes. I don't know. -Or a piss...? A great meal fades in reflection. Everything else gains. You know why? 'Cause it's only food. This shit we eat, it keeps us going. But it's only food. The great fucks that you may have had. What do you remember about them? What do I...? -What do I...? Yes. -Yes. Mmmm... -Mmmm... I don't know. For me, I'm saying, what is is, it's probably not the orgasm. Some broads, forearms on your neck, something her eyes did. There was a sound she made...or, me, lying, in the, I'll tell you: me lying in bed; the next day she brought me café au lait. She gives me a cigarette, my balls feel like concrete. Eh? What I'm saying, what is our life? It's looking forward or it's looking back. And that's our life. That's it. Where is the moment? And what is it that we're afraid of? Loss. What else? The bank closes. We get sick, my wife died on a plane, the stock market collapsed...the house burnt down...what of these happen...? None on 'em. We worry anyway. What does this mean? I'm not secure. How can I be secure? Through amassing wealth beyond all measure? No. And what's beyond all measure? That's a sickness. That's a trap. There is no measure. Only greed. How can we act? -Money? If that's what it signifies to you. Security? Comfort? All it is is THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO YOU. That's all it is. How are they different? Some poor newly married guy gets run down by a cab. Some busboy wins the lottery. All it is, it's a carnival. What's special...what draws us? We're all different. We're not the same. We are not the same. Hmmm. It's been a long day. What are you drinking? Gimlet. -Gimlet. Well, let's have a couple more. My name is Richard Roma, what's yours? -Well, let's have a couple more. My name is Richard Roma, what's yours? Lingk. James Lingk. -Lingk. James Lingk. James. I'm glad to meet you. I'm glad to meet you, James. I want to show you something. It might mean nothing to you...and it might not. -I've got to talk to you. Jim! What are you doing here? Jim Lingk, D. Ray Morton... -I've got to talk to you... I've got to get Ray to O'Hare... Come on, let's hustle... John! Call American Express in Pittsburgh for Mr. Morton, will you, tell them he's on the one o'clock. -It's funny, you know, you get a picture of the Corporation-Type Company Man, all business...this man, no. We'll go out to his home sometime. Let's see. Tomorrow. No. Tomorrow, I'm in L.A....Monday...I'll take you to lunch, where would you like to go? My wife... -My wife said I have to cancel the deal. It's a common reaction, Jim. I'll tell you what it is, and I know that that's why you married her. One of the reasons is prudence. It's a sizable investment. One thinks twice...it's also something women have. It's just a reaction to the size of the investment. Monday, if you'd invite me for dinner again... This woman can cook... -Monday. She called the consumer...the attorney, I don't know. The attorney gen...they said we have three days... -She called the consumer...the attorney, I don't know. The attorney gen...they said we have three days... Who did she call? -Who did she call? I don't know, the attorney gen... the...some consumer office, um... -I don't know, the attorney gen... the...some consumer office, um... Why did she do that, Jim? -I don't know. They said we have three days. They said we have three days. Three days. -Three days. To...you know. -No, I don't know. Tell me. To change our minds. -To change our minds. Of course you have three days. -Jim, Jim, you saw my book...I can't, you saw my book... But we have to before Monday. To get our money ba... -But we have to before Monday. To get our money ba... Three business days. They mean three business days. -Three business days. They mean three business days. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. -Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I don't understand. -I don't understand. That's what they are. Three business...I wait till Monday, my time limit runs out. -You don't count Saturday. I'm not. -I'm not. No, I'm saying you don't include Saturday...in your three days. It's not a business day. -No, I'm saying you don't include Saturday...in your three days. It's not a business day. But I'm not counting it. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. So it would have elapsed. -But I'm not counting it. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. So it would have elapsed. What would have elapsed? -What would have elapsed? If we wait till Mon... -If we wait till Mon... When did you write the check? -When did you write the check? Yest... -Yest... What was yesterday? -What was yesterday? Tuesday. -Tuesday. And when was that check cashed? -And when was that check cashed? I don't know. -I don't know. What was the earliest it could have been cashed? -Today. Today. Which, in any case, it was not, as there were a couple of points on the agreement I wanted to go over with you in any case. The check wasn't cashed? -The check wasn't cashed? I just called downtown, and it's on their desk. -I'm very sorry, Jimmy. I apologize to you. It's not me, it's my wife. -It's not me, it's my wife. What is? -What is? I told you. -I told you. Tell me again. -What's going on here? Tell me again. Your wife. -Tell me again. Your wife. I told you. -I told you. You tell me again. -You tell me again. She wants her money back. -She wants her money back. We're going to speak to her. -We're going to speak to her. "No. She told me ""right now.""" -"No. She told me ""right now.""" We'll speak to her, Jim... -We'll speak to her, Jim... She won't listen. -"No, no. That's just something she ""said."" We don't have to do that." She told me I have to. -She told me I have to. No, Jim. -No, Jim. I do. If I don't get my money back... -I'm... Where are you going...? This is me...This is Ricky, Jim. Jim, anything you want, you want it, you have it. You understand? This is me. Something upset you. Sit down, now sit down. You tell me what it is. Am I going to help you fix it? You're goddamned right I am. Sit down. Tell you something...? Sometimes we need someone from outside. It's...no, sit down...Now talk to me. -Where are you going...? This is me...This is Ricky, Jim. Jim, anything you want, you want it, you have it. You understand? This is me. Something upset you. Sit down, now sit down. You tell me what it is. Am I going to help you fix it? You're goddamned right I am. Sit down. Tell you something...? Sometimes we need someone from outside. It's...no, sit down...Now talk to me. I can't regotiate. -I can't regotiate. What does that mean? -What does that mean? That... -...what, what, say it. Say it to me... I... -I... What...? -What...? I... -I... What...? Say the words. -What...? Say the words. I don't have the power. I said it. -I don't have the power. I said it. What power? -What power? The power to negotiate. -The power to negotiate. To negotiate what? To negotiate what? -To negotiate what? To negotiate what? This. -This. "What, ""this""?" -The deal. "The ""deal,"" forget the deal. Forget the deal, you've got something on your mind, Jim, what is it?" -"The ""deal,"" forget the deal. Forget the deal, you've got something on your mind, Jim, what is it?" I can't talk to you, you met my wife, I... -What? What? What, Jim: I tell you what, let's get out of here...let's go get a drink. She told me not to talk to you. -She told me not to talk to you. Let's...no one's going to know, let's go around the corner and we'll get a drink. -Let's...no one's going to know, let's go around the corner and we'll get a drink. She told me I had to get back the check or call the State's att... -She told me I had to get back the check or call the State's att... Forget the deal, Jimmy. Forget the deal...you know me. The deal's dead. Am I talking about the deal? That's over. Please. Let's talk about you. Come on. Come on. Come on, Jim. I want to tell you something. Your life is your own. You have a contract with your wife. You have certain things you do jointly, you have a bond there...and there are other things. Those things are yours. You needn't feel ashamed, you needn't feel that you're being untrue...or that she would abandon you if she knew. This is your life. Yes. Now I want to talk to you because you're obviously upset and that concerns me. Now let's go. Right now. -What? And the check is... -And the check is... What did I tell you? What did I say about the three days...? -What are the police doing? It's nothing. -It's nothing. What are the police doing here...? -You cashed the check? Not to my knowledge, no... -Fuckin' asshole. What, they beat you with a rubber bat? -What, they beat you with a rubber bat? Cop couldn't find his dick two hands and a map. Anyone talks to this guy's an asshole... -Cop couldn't find his dick two hands and a map. Anyone talks to this guy's an asshole... You going to turn State's? -You going to turn State's? Fuck you, Ricky. I ain't going out today. I'm going home. I'm going home because nothing's accomplished here...Anyone talks to this guy is... -Guess what the Machine did? Fuck the Machine. -Fuck the Machine. Mountain View. Eight units. -Mountain View. Eight units. Fuckin' cop's got no right talk to me that way. I didn't rob the place... -Fuckin' cop's got no right talk to me that way. I didn't rob the place... You hear what I said? -You hear what I said? Yeah. He closed a deal. -Yeah. He closed a deal. Eight units. Mountain View. -Eight units. Mountain View. You did that? -Fuck you. Guess who? -Guess who? When... -You just this morning... Harriet and blah blah Nyborg. -We haven't got a lead... Why not? -Why not? They took 'em... -It means, Dave, you haven't closed a good one in a month, none of my business, you want to push me to answer you. And so you haven't got a contract to get stolen or so forth. You have a mean streak in you, Ricky, you know that...? -Bring that shit up. Of my volume. You were on a bad one and I brought it up to you you'd harbor it. You'd harbor it a long long while. And you'd be right. "Who said ""Fuck the Machine""?" -"Who said ""Fuck the Machine""?" """Fuck the Machine""? ""Fuck the Machine""? What is this. Courtesy class...? You're fucked, Rick--are you fucking nuts? You're hot, so you think you're the ruler of this place...?! You want to..." -Is that what I did? Dave? I humiliated you? My God...I'm sorry... Sittin' on top of the world, sittin' on top of the world, everything's fucking peachfuzz... -Sittin' on top of the world, sittin' on top of the world, everything's fucking peachfuzz... "Oh, and I don't get a moment to spare for a bust-out humanitarian down on his luck lately. Fuck you, Dave, you know you got a big mouth, and you make a close the whole place stinks with your farts for a week. ""How much you just ingested,"" what a big man you are, ""Hey, let me buy you a pack of gum." -"I'll show you how to chew it."" Your pal closes, all that comes out of your mouth is bile, how fucked up you are..." Who's my pal...? And what are you, Ricky, huh, what are you, Bishop Sheean? Who the fuck are you, Mr. Slick...? What are you, friend to the workingman? Big deal. Fuck you, you got the memory a fuckin' fly. I never liked you. -Who's my pal...? And what are you, Ricky, huh, what are you, Bishop Sheean? Who the fuck are you, Mr. Slick...? What are you, friend to the workingman? Big deal. Fuck you, you got the memory a fuckin' fly. I never liked you. What is this, your farewell speech? -What is this, your farewell speech? I'm going home. -I'm going home. Your farewell to the troops? -Your farewell to the troops? I'm not going home. I'm going to Wisconsin. -I'm not going home. I'm going to Wisconsin. Have a good trip. -Have a good trip. And fuck you. Fuck the lot of you. Fuck you all. -They didn't get your contract. I filed it before I left. They didn't get my contracts. -They didn't get my contracts. They--excuse me... -They didn't get the contracts. Did they... -Did they... They got, listen to me... -They got, listen to me... The... -Listen to me: They got some of them. Some of them... -They took some of the con... ...some of the contracts...Lingk. James Lingk. I closed... -...some of the contracts...Lingk. James Lingk. I closed... You closed him yesterday. -You closed him yesterday. Yes. -Yes. It went down. I filed it. -It went down. I filed it. You did? -You did? Yes. -Yes. Then I'm over the fucking top and you owe me a Cadillac. -Then I'm over the fucking top and you owe me a Cadillac. I... -Where are you going? To the restaura...what do you fucking...? -To the restaura...what do you fucking...? Aren't you going out today? -Aren't you going out today? With what? With what, John, they took the leads... -With what? With what, John, they took the leads... I have the stuff from last year's... -I have the stuff from last year's... "Oh. Oh. Oh, your ""nostalgia"" file, they's fine. No. Swell. 'Cause I don't have to..." -...you want to go out today...? 'Cause I don't have to eat this month. No. Okay. Give 'em to me... Fucking Mitch and Murray going to shit a br...what am I going to do all... -Patel? Ravidam Patel? How am I going to make a living on thses deadbeat wogs? Where did you get this, from the morgue? If you don't want it, give it back. -If you don't want it, give it back. "I don't ""want"" it, if you catch my drift." -"I don't ""want"" it, if you catch my drift." I'm giving you three leads. You... -I'm giving you three leads. You... What's the fucking point in any case...? What's the point. I got to argue with you, I got to knock heads with the cops, I'm busting my balls, sell you dirt to fucking deadbeats money in the mattress, I come back you can't even manage to keep the contracts safe, I have to go back and close them again...What the fuck am I wasting my time, fuck this shit. I'm going out and reclose last week's... -What's the fucking point in any case...? What's the point. I got to argue with you, I got to knock heads with the cops, I'm busting my balls, sell you dirt to fucking deadbeats money in the mattress, I come back you can't even manage to keep the contracts safe, I have to go back and close them again...What the fuck am I wasting my time, fuck this shit. I'm going out and reclose last week's... The word from Murray is: leave them alone. If we need a new signature he'll go out himself, he'll be the president, just come in, from out of town... -The word from Murray is: leave them alone. If we need a new signature he'll go out himself, he'll be the president, just come in, from out of town... Okay, okay, okay, gimme this shit. Fine. -Three? I count two. Three. -Three. "Patel? Fuck you. Fuckin' Shiva handed him a million dollars, told him ""sign the deal,"" he wouldn't sign. And Vishnu, too. Into the bargain. Fuck that, John. You know your business, I know mine. Your business is being an asshole, and I find out whose fucking cousin you are, I'm going to go to him and figure out a way to have your ass... fuck you--I'll wait for the new leads." -Yes. Mr. Lingk and I are going to... -Mr. Lingk and I are going to... Yes. Please. Please. The police can be... -We had a slight burglary last night. It was nothing...I was assuring Mr. Lingk... -It was nothing...I was assuring Mr. Lingk... Mr. Lingk. James Lingk. Your contract went out. Nothing to... -Mr. Lingk. James Lingk. Your contract went out. Nothing to... John... -John... Your contract went out to the bank. -...Mr. Williamson... Your check as cashed yesterday afternoon. And we're completely insured, as you know, in any case. -...I wouldn't worry about it. Well I'm going to worry about it, and so are you, so shut up and listen. I GET HIS ACTION. My stuff is mine, whatever he gets for himself, I'm talking half. You put me in with him. -Are you alright? Yes. -Yes. Did you like your party? -Did you like your party? I got lots of presents. -I got lots of presents. Do you like them? -Do you like them? I didn't know the people who gave them to me. -I didn't know the people who gave them to me. They were friends. -Did you see my present for you? No, where is it? -No, where is it? On your pillow. -On your pillow. I'm leaving very early tomorrow, before you wake up. -I'm leaving very early tomorrow, before you wake up. I know. How long will you be gone? -I know. How long will you be gone? Just a few days. -Just a few days. Will you take me? -Will you take me? I can't. -I can't. Why do you have to go? -Why do you have to go? To do business. -To do business. I can help you. -I can help you. Some day you will. -You've grown so tall... so tall in the last year. You're much taller than me. I was taller than you when I was fourteen. -I was taller than you when I was fourteen. Sit down. Your Aunt Connie and I waited for you to have some lunch, but now it's all dried out. -Sit down. Your Aunt Connie and I waited for you to have some lunch, but now it's all dried out. I'm not hungry. -I'm not hungry. Well, that's alright... alright. Good. You'll graduate in another year, isn't that right? You know... I never finished college. I was a good student, but I never finished. Of course, there was a war then. -Mr. Cicci. From the year 1927 to the present time, you were an employee of the "Genco Olive Oil Company." That's right. -That's right. But in actuality, you were a member of the Corleone Crime organization. -But in actuality, you were a member of the Corleone Crime organization. The Corleone Family, Senator. We called it, "The Family." -The Corleone Family, Senator. We called it, "The Family." What position did you occupy? -What position did you occupy? At first, like everybody, I was a soldier. -I have a friend who has a fine rug. Maybe your wife would like it. We have no money for a rug. -We have no money for a rug. No. He would give it away. I know how to repay a consideration. -Your friend lives in a fine building. Oh yes, the very best. -They say Fanucci has a license from Maranzalla himself to work this neighborhood. If you like, why not give me fifty dollars each to pay Fanucci. I guarantee he will accept that amount from me. -Fanucci is not connected; he is alone. What? You read it in the papers? -What? You read it in the papers? This man informs to the police; this man allows his vengeance to be bought off... No, he is alone. -Who is the greatest man you can think of? Go on, answer him when he talks to you. Tell him: Columbus, Marconi... Garibaldi. -What took so long? She couldn't decide. -Do you think he'd be satisfied with the two hundred dollars? I think he would. That scar-faced bastard will find out what we got from the wholesaler. He won't take a dime less than three hundred dollars. -That scar-faced bastard will find out what we got from the wholesaler. He won't take a dime less than three hundred dollars. What if we don't pay? -What if we don't pay? You know his friends...real animals. And his connections with the police. Sure he'd like us to tell him our plans so he can set us up for the cops and earn their gratitude. Then they would owe him a favor; that's how he operates. We'll have to pay. Three hundred, are we agreed? -You know his friends...real animals. And his connections with the police. Sure he'd like us to tell him our plans so he can set us up for the cops and earn their gratitude. Then they would owe him a favor; that's how he operates. We'll have to pay. Three hundred, are we agreed? What can we do? -Vitone! Our driver has drunk too much wine. He's going to kill Fanucci. -He's going to kill Fanucci. Then, after that, what? Joe 'Little Knife' Pisani; Willie Bufalino, maybe, Mr. Maranzalla himself, c'mon! -Constanzia. We expected you last week; we sent the car to pick you up at the airport last week. I know, it was chaos; but anyway, here I am one week late. This is for my Mama. You remember Merle? -I know, it was chaos; but anyway, here I am one week late. This is for my Mama. You remember Merle? Yes, thank you. -Yes, thank you. How are the kids? -How are the kids? Well, thank you, they asked for you all week. -Well, thank you, they asked for you all week. I got surprises for everybody! -I got surprises for everybody! Bought at the airport. -Bought at the airport. This is swell. Where's Michael? I've got things to get straight with him and I can't wait on line. -This is swell. Where's Michael? I've got things to get straight with him and I can't wait on line. You go see your children first, and then you wait to see your brother like everybody else. -It means we should all live happily for one hundred years. The family. If my Father were alive, it'd be true. Connie. -Connie. Merle, have you met my sister-in- law Deanna? -How are you, honey? You've met Merle, haven't you. He was with me in Vegas. I saw him with you. -I saw him with you. We're going to Europe next week. I want to get passage booked on the Queen. -We're going to Europe next week. I want to get passage booked on the Queen. Why do you come to me? Why don't you go to a travel agent? -The ink on your divorce isn't dry. Your children see you on weekends; your oldest boy, Michael Francis... was in some trouble with the Reno police over some petty theft that you don't even know about. Michael... -Michael... You fly around the world with lazy young men who don't have any love for you, and use you like a whore. -You fly around the world with lazy young men who don't have any love for you, and use you like a whore. You're not my father! -You're not my father! Then why do you come to me? -Then why do you come to me? Because I need MONEY! -Because I need MONEY! Connie, I want to be reasonable with you. You have a house here, with us. You can live here with your kids...and you won't be deprived of anything. I don't know much about Merle; I don't know what he does for a living; what he lives on. Why don't you tell him marriage is really out of the question; and that you can't see him any more. He'll understand. But if you disobey me, and marry this pimp...it would disappoint me. -Connie, I want to be reasonable with you. You have a house here, with us. You can live here with your kids...and you won't be deprived of anything. I don't know much about Merle; I don't know what he does for a living; what he lives on. Why don't you tell him marriage is really out of the question; and that you can't see him any more. He'll understand. But if you disobey me, and marry this pimp...it would disappoint me. It was my father's money; and I'm entitled to what I need. Where is Tom Hagen? -Is Kay coming? No. -No. Michael, Fredo's in the house with Mama. He asked for you, and Tom said he couldn't see you. -Michael, Fredo's in the house with Mama. He asked for you, and Tom said he couldn't see you. Tom is right. -Tom is right. Kids, why don't you go outside for a while? -I want to talk to you, Michael. The children can stay. -The children can stay. I hated you for so long, Michael; for so many years. I think I did things to myself, to hurt myself, so that you would know -- and you would be hurt too. But I understand you now; I think I do. You were being strong for all of us, like Papa was. And I forgive you, and want to be close to you now. Can't you forgive Fredo; he's so sweet, and helpless without you. -Honey! Wait a minute; let's go for a drive. I just had a drive; besides, I want to see my brother-in-law Michael. -I just had a drive; besides, I want to see my brother-in-law Michael. Yeah, but I don't want him to see you. -Goddamn bitch. Relax, Freddie honey. Come dance with me. -Listen, Michael's got a lot of nice people here. Friends of Kay's. He'll never forgive me if you ruin his party. I hate to see you cringe in front of him. How come you're so scared of your own kid brother? -I hate to see you cringe in front of him. How come you're so scared of your own kid brother? He's the head of the family. -What's 'cent' Anne?' A hundred years...it's a toast. -I wanta dance...whatsa matter with that? Dancing is alright; you're falling on the floor. -Dancing is alright; you're falling on the floor. Whatsamatter, you don't want me to dance with him 'cause he's a man! -Whatsamatter, you don't want me to dance with him 'cause he's a man! Deanna, I'm going to belt you right in the mouth! -Deanna, I'm going to belt you right in the mouth! These Eye-ties are really crazy when it comes to their wives. -Deanna, will you get back into the house! I'm getting out of here I said; these guys all have guns! -I don't want to stay here... Mike, what can I do, she's a hysterical woman... -Would you like some? No, Dad. -No, Dad. Now what is this talk about joining the army? Eh? -Now what is this talk about joining the army? Eh? It's not talk; I'm doing it. -It's not talk; I'm doing it. You would risk your life for strangers? -You would risk your life for strangers? Not for strangers; for my country. -Not for strangers; for my country. Anyone not in your family, is a stranger. Believe me, when trouble comes, your country won't take care of you. -Anyone not in your family, is a stranger. Believe me, when trouble comes, your country won't take care of you. That's how it was in the old world, Pop, but this is not Sicily. -That's how it was in the old world, Pop, but this is not Sicily. I know. I know, Michael. It's Christmas, your brothers and sister are all here -- we are happy. Let's not spoil this. Go your own way, but when you are ready, come to me the way a son should. I have hopes for you... -Don Francesco. You murdered my husband, because he would not bend. And his oldest son Paolo, because he swore revenge. But Vitone is only nine, and dumb-witted. He never speaks. I'm not afraid of his words. -I'm not afraid of his words. He is weak. -He is weak. He will grow strong. -He will grow strong. The child cannot harm you. -The child cannot harm you. He will be a man, and then he will come for revenge. -Otherwise the police will come to see you and your wife and children will be dishonored and destitute. Of course, if my information as to your gains is incorrect, I'll dip my beak just a little. Just a little, but no less than one hundred dollars, and don't try to deceive me, eh paisan? My two friends have my share of the money. I'll have to speak to them after we deliver these to the wholesaler. -My two friends have my share of the money. I'll have to speak to them after we deliver these to the wholesaler. You tell your friends I expect them to let me wet my beak in the same manner. Don't be afraid to tell them. Clemenza and I know each other well, he understands these things. Let yourself be guided by him. He has more experience in these matters. -You tell your friends I expect them to let me wet my beak in the same manner. Don't be afraid to tell them. Clemenza and I know each other well, he understands these things. Let yourself be guided by him. He has more experience in these matters. You must understand, this is all new to me... -You must understand, this is all new to me... I understand... -I understand... But thank you for speaking to me as a Godfather. -But thank you for speaking to me as a Godfather. You're a good fellow. -I think there's only two hundred dollars under my hat. I'm right. Only two hundred dollars. I'm a little short. I've been out of work. Let me owe you the money for a few weeks. -I'm a little short. I've been out of work. Let me owe you the money for a few weeks. Ah, you're a sharp young fellow. How is it I've never noticed you before You're too quiet for your own interest. I could find some work for you to do that would be very profitable. No hard feelings, eh? If I can ever do you a service let me know. You've done a good job for yourself tonight. -Ten to one shot, you said. Ten to one shot in my favor, and I lose. Get a good night's sleep. We got a new suit, new shirt, new tie, and I'm going to shave you myself. Tomorrow we want you to look respectable for fifty million of your fellow Americans. -Get a good night's sleep. We got a new suit, new shirt, new tie, and I'm going to shave you myself. Tomorrow we want you to look respectable for fifty million of your fellow Americans. My life won't be worth a nickel after tomorrow. -My life won't be worth a nickel after tomorrow. We have a special home for you for the rest of your life. Nobody gets near you. You're not going any place. -We have a special home for you for the rest of your life. Nobody gets near you. You're not going any place. Yeah, some deal I made. -Why'd you do it, Frankie? After all these years, why'd you turn against him? I didn't turn against nobody; he turned against me. -Ready, Frankie. Let's go. -Who's that? Pentangeli? Frankie "Five-Angels"...thought you were never coming West. Gotta check up on my boys. Hey, what's with the food? Some kid in a white jacket brings me a ritz cracker with some chopped liver. 'Canapes,' he says. I say, 'Can a peas, my ass, that's a ritz cracker with chopped liver.' Go get me a salami sandwich and a glass of wine or I'll send you and your white jacket to the dry cleaners! -Gee, Frankie, it's good to see you. Reminds me of old times. You remember Willy Cicci, don't you, Freddie? We was all together with the old man Clemenza in Brooklyn... before...uh... -You remember Willy Cicci, don't you, Freddie? We was all together with the old man Clemenza in Brooklyn... before...uh... We were all upset about that. -We were all upset about that. That's what I'm here to talk to your brother about. What's with him, I got to get a letter of introduction to have a 'sitdown'? -That's what I'm here to talk to your brother about. What's with him, I got to get a letter of introduction to have a 'sitdown'? C'mon, I see what I can do. -Hey Mike, what can I say? Forget it, just go take care of her. -Hiya, Freddie Corleone. Mio fratello. -Oh, 'scuse me. It's all right. He stays with me all the time. -It's all right. He stays with me all the time. Oh. Mikey, what's up? I'm totally in the dark. -Oh. Mikey, what's up? I'm totally in the dark. We're making an investment in Havana. -We're making an investment in Havana. Great, Havana's great. Lots of activity in Havana! Anybody I know here. Five-Angels? Anybody? -Great, Havana's great. Lots of activity in Havana! Anybody I know here. Five-Angels? Anybody? Johnny Ola... Hyman Roth. -Johnny Ola... Hyman Roth. I never met them. -I never met them. Pentangeli's dead. He was ambushed by the Rosato Brothers. Didn't you know that? -Pentangeli's dead. He was ambushed by the Rosato Brothers. Didn't you know that? No. No, I didn't. Who tells me anything? I been kept in the dark so long, I'm getting used to it. -No. No, I didn't. Who tells me anything? I been kept in the dark so long, I'm getting used to it. I want you to help me, Fredo. -I want you to help me, Fredo. That's what I'm here for. -That's what I'm here for. Tonight I want to relax with you. The Senator from Nevada is here with some people from Washington. I want to show them a good time in Havana. -Tonight I want to relax with you. The Senator from Nevada is here with some people from Washington. I want to show them a good time in Havana. Count on me; that's my specialty. -Count on me; that's my specialty. I'd like to come along. There's been a lot of strain, and I've been cooped up in this room for three days. -I'd like to come along. There's been a lot of strain, and I've been cooped up in this room for three days. Me and you, great! Gimme an hour to wash my face and do my research and we'll have these Washington suckers right where you want 'em. Poor Frankie Five-Angels. He always wanted to die in bed...with a broad. -Jeeze, it's great you came along, Mike... You know, we've never spent a night out on the town together. I always thought you looked down on me for liking a good time. I never looked down on you, Fredo. You don't look down at a brother. -Mike, I got something special up my sleeve for these boys. You ever hear of "Superman?" And I don't mean the comic book. No. -No. Wait'll you see! -Mikey, why would they ever hit poor old Frankie Five-Angels? I loved that ole sonuvabitch. I remember when he was just a 'button,' when we were kids. We used to put bedsheets on our heads, you know, like we were ghosts. An' ole Frankie come peek into our room, we'd jump up, and he'd always pretend like he was really scared. You remember? It was hard to have him killed. -It was hard to have him killed. You? What do you mean you, I thought... -You? What do you mean you, I thought... It was hard to have him killed. -It was hard to have him killed. You? What do you mean you, I thought... -You? What do you mean you, I thought... It was Frankie tried to have me hit. -It was Frankie tried to have me hit. No. I mean, are you sure? -No. I mean, are you sure? You know otherwise, Freddie? -You know otherwise, Freddie? Me? NO, no, I don't know anything. Fellas! You're all falling asleep. We got to see Superman. -How is your wife, Fredo...your marriage? You know her; drives me crazy, one minute she's a popsicle, the next she's all vinegar. Sometimes I think... I think - I should a married someone, like you did. To have kids, to have a family. -"Yo soy un hombre sincero..." I am a sincere man, From the land of the palms... What's that? -What's that? The song. Are you sincere with me, Fredo? -The song. Are you sincere with me, Fredo? Sincere. What are you talking about, of course I'm sincere with you, Mike. -Sincere. What are you talking about, of course I'm sincere with you, Mike. Then I'm going to confide in you; trust you with something. -Then I'm going to confide in you; trust you with something. Mike, are you crazy, I'm your brother. -Mike, are you crazy, I'm your brother. Tonight we've been invited to a reception at the Presidential Palace; to bring in the New Year. You and I will go in a special car that's being sent. They'll have cocktails... then dinner, and a reception with the President. When it's over, it will be suggested that you take Questadt and his friends from Washington to spend the night with some women. I'll go home alone in the car; and before I reach the hotel, I'll be assassinated. -Tonight we've been invited to a reception at the Presidential Palace; to bring in the New Year. You and I will go in a special car that's being sent. They'll have cocktails... then dinner, and a reception with the President. When it's over, it will be suggested that you take Questadt and his friends from Washington to spend the night with some women. I'll go home alone in the car; and before I reach the hotel, I'll be assassinated. ...Who? -...Who? The same man who tried in Nevada... Hyman Roth, not Pentangeli. -The same man who tried in Nevada... Hyman Roth, not Pentangeli. But, you told me yourself... -But, you told me yourself... It was never Pentangeli... I've always known that. It was Roth all along. He talks to me as a son; as his successor, but the old man thinks he'll live forever. -It was never Pentangeli... I've always known that. It was Roth all along. He talks to me as a son; as his successor, but the old man thinks he'll live forever. What do you want me to do? -What do you want me to do? To go tonight, with me, as though we know nothing. I've already made my move. -To go tonight, with me, as though we know nothing. I've already made my move. What is it? Can I help? -What is it? Can I help? The old man will never bring in the New Year. -Fredo. Where are you going? Nowhere, Mike. I wanted to get a refill. How about you? -I don't have a lot to say, Michael. We have time. -We have time. I was kept pretty much in the dark. I didn't know all that much. -I was kept pretty much in the dark. I didn't know all that much. What about now, is there anything you can help me out with? -What about now, is there anything you can help me out with? I know they get Pentangeli, that's all I know. -I didn't know it was a hit. I swear to you I didn't know. Johnny Ola contacted me in Beverly Hills -- said he wanted to talk. He said you and Roth were in on some big deal, and there was a place for me in it if I could help them out. They said you were being tough on the negotiation, and if they had a little bit of help, they could close it fast and it would be good for you. And you believed that story. -And you believed that story. He said there was something good in it for me...me on my own. -He said there was something good in it for me...me on my own. I've always taken care of you. -I've always taken care of you. Taken care of me. Mike, you're my kid brother, and you take care of my. Did you ever think of that. Ever once? Send Fredo off to do this, send Fredo to take care of that... take care of some little unimportant night club here, and there; pick somebody up at the airport. Mike, I'm your older brother; I was stepped over! -Taken care of me. Mike, you're my kid brother, and you take care of my. Did you ever think of that. Ever once? Send Fredo off to do this, send Fredo to take care of that... take care of some little unimportant night club here, and there; pick somebody up at the airport. Mike, I'm your older brother; I was stepped over! It's the way Pop wanted it. -It's the way Pop wanted it. It wasn't the way I wanted it! I can handle things. I'm not dumb Christ, not like everyone says. I'm smart; and I want respect. -It wasn't the way I wanted it! I can handle things. I'm not dumb Christ, not like everyone says. I'm smart; and I want respect. There's nothing more you can tell me about this investigation? -There's nothing more you can tell me about this investigation? The lawyer; Questadt, he belongs to Roth. -The lawyer; Questadt, he belongs to Roth. You're nothing to me now, Fredo; not a brother, not a friend, I don't want to know you, or what happens to you. I don't want to see you at the hotels, or near my home. When you visit our Mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. Do you understand? -I know what you are thinking, Vitone, but you don't understand yet how things are. Fanucci is of the Black Hand. Everyone in the neighborhood pays him, even my father. He's an Italian? -He's an Italian? A pig of a Neaponitan. -Why? Why does he bother other Italians? Because he knows them; he knows they have no one to protect them. Vitone? What do you think of my angel? -Because he knows them; he knows they have no one to protect them. Vitone? What do you think of my angel? Beautiful. -Beautiful. Beautiful. -Beautiful. For you, she is beautiful. For me, there is only my wife! -For you, she is beautiful. For me, there is only my wife! I know. That's why I brought you with me! -I bet you can't guess what happened? What? -What? Some guys from Ninth Avenue jumped Fanucci today; slit his throat from ear to ear. -Some guys from Ninth Avenue jumped Fanucci today; slit his throat from ear to ear. No, I didn't know. Is he dead? -No, I didn't know. Is he dead? Nah. Those guys aren't murderers. They wanted to scare him, that's all. Make him look bad. -Nah. Those guys aren't murderers. They wanted to scare him, that's all. Make him look bad. In Sicily, when you attack a man, you had better finish him. -In Sicily, when you attack a man, you had better finish him. I wish they had. He takes fifty dollars a week from my father's cash drawer. But you can't kill a man like Fanucci. -I wish they had. He takes fifty dollars a week from my father's cash drawer. But you can't kill a man like Fanucci. Why? -Why? Because he's what we say... "connected"... You wait, see what happens to those guys from Ninth Avenue. -What did I tell you. The one who cut him was found in an alley. And the family of the others paid Fanucci all their savings to make him forswear his vengeance. And he agreed? -And he agreed? He took the money. Now he wants double from everybody in the neighborhood, including Papa. -The 'patrone' is here. Chi? -Chi? Roberto. Who owns the 'rat-holes.' -It's Michael's request...for your safety. We can send out for anything you need. I'm supposed to stay in my house. -I'm supposed to stay in my house. Within the compound will be fine. -Within the compound will be fine. I was supposed to take the children to New England next week. -I was supposed to take the children to New England next week. That's off now. -That's off now. I'm going to see my parents. -I'm going to see my parents. Kay, Michael didn't tell me a lot; and what he did tell me, I can't repeat. But the responsibility for you and the kids was the most important thing he left me with. -Kay, Michael didn't tell me a lot; and what he did tell me, I can't repeat. But the responsibility for you and the kids was the most important thing he left me with. How long does this go on? -How long does this go on? I don't know. I'm sorry, Kay... -I don't know. I'm sorry, Kay... Am I a prisoner? -Am I a prisoner? That's not the way we look at it. -... He said he had shot his Grandfather with a gun, and then he died in the garden. And he asked me... he asked me, Tom, if that meant now his father would shoot him out of... revenge. How does a four year old boy learn the word... 'revenge'? Kay... Kay... -Kay... Kay... What kind of a family is this... are we human beings? He knows his Father killed his Uncle Carlo. He heard Connie. -What kind of a family is this... are we human beings? He knows his Father killed his Uncle Carlo. He heard Connie. You don't know that's true. But Kay, just for the sake of an argument, let's assume it is, I'm not saying it is, remember, but... What if I gave you what might be some justification for what he did... or rather some possible justification for what he possibly did. -You don't know that's true. But Kay, just for the sake of an argument, let's assume it is, I'm not saying it is, remember, but... What if I gave you what might be some justification for what he did... or rather some possible justification for what he possibly did. That's the first time I've seen the lawyer side of you, Tom. It's not your best side. -That's the first time I've seen the lawyer side of you, Tom. It's not your best side. Okay, just hear me out. What if Carlo had been paid to help get Sonny killed? What if his beating of Connie that time was a deliberate plot to get Sonny out into the open? Then what? And what if the Don, a great man, couldn't bring himself to do what he had to do, avenge his son's death by killing his daughter's husband? What if that, finally, was too much for him, and he made Michael his successor, knowing that Michael would take that load off his shoulders, would take that guilt? -Okay, just hear me out. What if Carlo had been paid to help get Sonny killed? What if his beating of Connie that time was a deliberate plot to get Sonny out into the open? Then what? And what if the Don, a great man, couldn't bring himself to do what he had to do, avenge his son's death by killing his daughter's husband? What if that, finally, was too much for him, and he made Michael his successor, knowing that Michael would take that load off his shoulders, would take that guilt? He's not the same as when I met him. -He's not the same as when I met him. If he were, he'd be dead by now. You'd be a widow. You'd have no problem. -If he were, he'd be dead by now. You'd be a widow. You'd have no problem. What the hell does that mean? Come on, Tom, speak out straight once in your life. I know Michael can't, but you're not Sicilian, you can tell a woman the truth; you can treat her like an equal, a fellow human being. -If you told Michael what I've told you today, I'm a dead man. When is it finally over? I want it to be over before my baby is born. -When is it finally over? I want it to be over before my baby is born. I don't know. I hope soon; but it's not over yet, and that's why you and the kids have to come back to me. -Where's my wife? With Mama, putting the baby to sleep. Francesca's very happy. Michael was kind to her. She idolizes him. The children are all out in the speedboat. I'm going to my house. -He doesn't want my help any more. He doesn't need it. We don't know that's true, he never said that. -We don't know that's true, he never said that. I can feel it in the way he talks to me. -Just now when Johnny Ola showed up, he asked me to leave them alone. Ola is Hyman Roth's Sicilian contact. I was on the inside of ten, twenty meetings with him. But today Mike asked me to leave, like an outsider. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. -Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. It's as though he blames me for the ground the family lost when I was Consigliere to Sonny. -Hello? She's gone, Tom. -What do you mean gone? The Barretts from Rubicon Bay came by in a new speedboat. Rocco tried to say she wasn't in, but Kay spotted them and asked if they would take her and the kids for a ride. That was three hours ago. -The Barretts from Rubicon Bay came by in a new speedboat. Rocco tried to say she wasn't in, but Kay spotted them and asked if they would take her and the kids for a ride. That was three hours ago. Why didn't someone tell me! -Why didn't someone tell me! I wanted to tell you alone; your wife doesn't know what's going on. -You're going to talk to him now. Yes. -Yes. Will you tell him? -Will you tell him? I don't know. -Rocco! I know. I went down to the Barrett house. But she's gone. They drove her and the kids to North Tahoe airport. -I know. I went down to the Barrett house. But she's gone. They drove her and the kids to North Tahoe airport. Goddamn it, where were you? -Goddamn it, where were you? I was in my house. Willy tried, but it would have taken some strong-arm to stop her, and he figured you wouldn't want that. -She took a flight to San Francisco. We figure she's going to connect to New Hampshire; her parents' place. I can't let him down. -Me too, Tom? Yeah, give me a minute. -I'm sorry; of course, you know that. Two-thirty. That gives me time to see my boy. -Two-thirty. That gives me time to see my boy. Connie's outside. -Tom isn't going to sit in with us, Johnny. He only handles specific areas of the family business. Tom? Sure, Mikey. -If you need anything, just... Just tell Rocco I'm waiting. -There's a lot I can't tell you, Tom. I know that's upset you in the past; and you've felt that it was because of some lack of trust or confidence. But it is because I do trust you that I've kept so much secret from you. It's precisely that at this moment, you are the only one that I can completely trust. In time, you'll understand everything. But your people... Neri... Rocco; you don't think... -But your people... Neri... Rocco; you don't think... No, I have confidence in their loyalty... but this is life and death, and Tom, you are my brother. -Mikey, I hoped... No Tom, just listen. All my people are businessmen; their loyalty is based on that. One thing I learned from my father is to try to think as the people around you think...and on that basis, anything is possible. Fredo has a good heart, but he is weak...and stupid, and stupid people are the most dangerous of all. I've kept you out of things, Tom, because I've always known that your instincts were legitimate, and I wanted you to know very little of things that would make you an accomplice, for your own protection. I never blamed you for the setbacks the family took under Sonny; I know you were in a position of limited power, and you did your best to advise and caution him. What I am saying is that now, for how long I do not know, you will be the Don. If what I think has happened is true; I will leave tonight, and absolutely no one will know how to contact me. And even you are not to try to reach me unless it is absolutely necessary. I give you complete power: over Neri... Fredo, everyone. I am trusting you with the lives of my wife and children, and the future of this family, solely resting on your judgment and talent. -I've prepared this; have had it for over a month. It won't explain everything; but indicates where I will be, so in a sense, it is my life. Also, there are three tasks that must be executed immediately. Pop would have given those to Luca -- You knew Pop as well as anyone, act as though you were him. It discusses Kay as well; that will be the most difficult. The men who tried to kill me tonight, will never leave the estate. Will we...be able to get who ordered it out of them? -Will we...be able to get who ordered it out of them? I don't think so. Unless I'm very wrong...they're already dead. Killed by someone inside...very frightened that they botched it. That's why I am going to disappear in a few minutes, and leave everything to you. -I don't think so. Unless I'm very wrong...they're already dead. Killed by someone inside...very frightened that they botched it. That's why I am going to disappear in a few minutes, and leave everything to you. But if you're wrong... -But if you're wrong... If I'm wrong... -Do you think they have somebody to back up Cicci? No. But if they do have somebody, you'll do three years for perjury if you give them so much as a wrong middle name. -Did the boy get something from me for Christmas? I took care of it. -I took care of it. What was it, so I'll know. -What was it, so I'll know. A little care he can ride in with an electric motor. -Where's my brother? Roth got out on a private boat. He's in a hospital in Miami. Had a stroke but he's recovered okay. Bussetta's dead. -Roth got out on a private boat. He's in a hospital in Miami. Had a stroke but he's recovered okay. Bussetta's dead. I asked about Fredo? -I asked about Fredo? The new government arrested him, held him for a couple of days with a lot of the other casino people, including Roth's brother, Sam. The American Embassy arranged flights for citizens; I'm not sure, but I think he's somewhere in New York. -The new government arrested him, held him for a couple of days with a lot of the other casino people, including Roth's brother, Sam. The American Embassy arranged flights for citizens; I'm not sure, but I think he's somewhere in New York. I want you to reach Fredo. I know he's scared, but have one of our people reach him. Assure him that there will be no reprisals. Tell him that I know Roth misled him. -I want you to reach Fredo. I know he's scared, but have one of our people reach him. Assure him that there will be no reprisals. Tell him that I know Roth misled him. My information is that Fredo thought it was a kidnapping. Roth assured him nothing would happen to you. -My information is that Fredo thought it was a kidnapping. Roth assured him nothing would happen to you. They can come in now. -They can come in now. Wait... there's something else. -Wait... there's something else. Alright. -Go on, tell me. Kay had a miscarriage; she lost the baby. -Was it a boy or a girl? Mike, at three and a half... -Mike, at three and a half... What is it, can't you give me straight answers anymore! -What is it, can't you give me straight answers anymore! It was a boy. -It was a boy. And Kay...she's all right? -And Kay...she's all right? She took the Senate Investigation worse. -She took the Senate Investigation worse. Does she blame it on me? The baby? -Does she blame it on me? The baby? I don't know. -How did they get their hands on Pentangeli? Roth engineered it, Michael. He made Pentangeli think you hit him. Deliberately letting him get off alive. Then the New York detectives turned Frankie over to the FBI. My informants say he was half dead and scared stiff -- talking out loud that you had turned on him and tried to kill him. Anyway, they had him on possession, dealing in heroin, murder one and a lot more. There's no way we can get to him and you've opened yourself to five points of perjury. -He says he doesn't know anything, and I believe him. Roth played this one beautifully. Alright. I'm going to go outside and talk to Fredo. -Sit down, Tom. Have you heard about our friend and partner, Mr. Hyman Roth? I know he's in Israel. -They won't take him; not for a million, not for ten million. His medical condition is reported as... "terminal." -His medical condition is reported as... "terminal." He's been dying of the same heart attack for twenty years. -He's been dying of the same heart attack for twenty years. That plane goes to Miami... -That plane goes to Miami... I want it met. -I want it met. Mike, it's impossible. He'll be met by the Internal Revenue; the Customs Service, and half the FBI. -Mike, it's impossible. He'll be met by the Internal Revenue; the Customs Service, and half the FBI. I don't like it when you use the word impossible; nothing is impossible... -I don't like it when you use the word impossible; nothing is impossible... Mike, it would be like trying to kill the President; there's no way we can get to him. -Mike, it would be like trying to kill the President; there's no way we can get to him. I'm surprised at you, Tom. If there's anything certain; certain in life; if history has taught us anything, it's that you can kill... ANYBODY. But perhaps your relucatance is because you've come to tell me that you're moving your family to Vegas, that you've been offered the Vice-Presidency of the Houstan Hotels there. Or weren't you going to tell me at all? -I'm surprised at you, Tom. If there's anything certain; certain in life; if history has taught us anything, it's that you can kill... ANYBODY. But perhaps your relucatance is because you've come to tell me that you're moving your family to Vegas, that you've been offered the Vice-Presidency of the Houstan Hotels there. Or weren't you going to tell me at all? Are you so hungry for traitors; do you want to find them everywhere? -Are you so hungry for traitors; do you want to find them everywhere? They are everywhere! -They are everywhere! I turned Houstan down; I didn't see why I should tell you about an offer I turned down. Are you sure, Mikey? Are you sure of what we're doing; what we'll gain; what does the family gain? Forget that, Mike; I already know the answer. -I turned Houstan down; I didn't see why I should tell you about an offer I turned down. Are you sure, Mikey? Are you sure of what we're doing; what we'll gain; what does the family gain? Forget that, Mike; I already know the answer. I know you do, Tom. Then I can count on you to help me do the things I have to do. If not, call Houstan, and become a Vice-President. Take your family and your mistress and move them to Las Vegas. -I know you do, Tom. Then I can count on you to help me do the things I have to do. If not, call Houstan, and become a Vice-President. Take your family and your mistress and move them to Las Vegas. Why do you hurt me, Michael? I've always been loyal to you. -Why do you hurt me, Michael? I've always been loyal to you. Good. Then you're staying. -Good. Then you're staying. I'm staying. Don't ever enjoy the cruel part of all this; Sonny never listened to me about that. Now, explain everything to me. -Fifteen percent skim? Twenty-five this time. -It might show. Mike wants it. -We've never sent this much with one courier. Your plans are a little different this time. You skip Miami, and go straight to Geneva. It's to be deposited to this number. And it's got to be there by Monday morning, no slip-up. -What's up? No questions. -No questions. I got to ask questions, Tom, there's three million dollars cash in that pouch; Mike is gone and I have no word from him. -I got to ask questions, Tom, there's three million dollars cash in that pouch; Mike is gone and I have no word from him. Al, as far as you're concerned, I'm the Don. -Al, as far as you're concerned, I'm the Don. How do I know you haven't gone into business for yourself? -The High Court of Israel turned down his request to live as a 'returned Jew.' His passport's been invalidated except for return to the U.S. He landed in Buenos Aires yesterday, offered a gift of one million dollars if they would give him citizenship. They turned him down. He's going to try Panama... -I think I prefer to see my client privately. The room has a bug in it. -The room has a bug in it. I'd like to go outside with him, in the open air. -Everything is going to be okay, Frankie, don't worry. Did my brother go back? -Did my brother go back? Yeah, but don't worry. -Yeah, but don't worry. He's ten times tougher than me, my brother. He's old-fashioned. -He's ten times tougher than me, my brother. He's old-fashioned. Yeah. He wouldn't even go out to dinner. Just wanted to go home. -Yeah. He wouldn't even go out to dinner. Just wanted to go home. That's my brother. Nothing could get him away from that two mule town. He coulda been big over here -- he could of had his own Family. -That's my brother. Nothing could get him away from that two mule town. He coulda been big over here -- he could of had his own Family. You're right. -You're right. Tom, what do I do now? -Frankie, you were always interested in politics, in history. I remember you talking about Hitler back in '43. We were young then. Yeah, I still read a lot. They bring me stuff. -Yeah, I still read a lot. They bring me stuff. You were around the old timers who dreamed up how the Families should be organized, how they based it on the old Roman Legions, and called them 'Regimes'... with the 'Capos' and 'Soldiers,' and it worked. -You were around the old timers who dreamed up how the Families should be organized, how they based it on the old Roman Legions, and called them 'Regimes'... with the 'Capos' and 'Soldiers,' and it worked. Yeah, it worked. Those were great old days. We was like the Roman Empire. The Corleone family was like the Roman Empire. -Yeah, it worked. Those were great old days. We was like the Roman Empire. The Corleone family was like the Roman Empire. Yeah, it was once. -The Roman Empire... when a plot against the Emperor failed, the plotters were always given a chance to let their families keep their fortunes. Yeah, but only the rich guys. The little guys got knocked off. If they got arrested and executed, all their estate went to the Emperor. If they just went home and killed themselves, up front, nothing happened. -Yeah, but only the rich guys. The little guys got knocked off. If they got arrested and executed, all their estate went to the Emperor. If they just went home and killed themselves, up front, nothing happened. Yeah, that was a good break. A nice deal. -Don't worry about anything, Frankie Five-Angels. Thanks, Tom. Thanks. -...and the tape will be running. Actually, I've come with good news; the Corleone family has done you a favor. -What the hell are you talking about? We know you're a busy man, with plenty of enemies -- we saw the opportunity to do you a favor, and we did. No strings. -We know you're a busy man, with plenty of enemies -- we saw the opportunity to do you a favor, and we did. No strings. No strings. -No strings. You know there's a Senate Investigating Committee recently set up; we thought it would be unfortunate if they were to trace anything though-provoking to your name. -You know there's a Senate Investigating Committee recently set up; we thought it would be unfortunate if they were to trace anything though-provoking to your name. No one can trace anything to me; I pride myself on that. -No one can trace anything to me; I pride myself on that. Do you gamble? -Do you gamble? A little; what's so thought- provoking about that? -A little; what's so thought- provoking about that? Do you owe markers? -Do you owe markers? Maybe two, three thousand dollars. -There's thirty grand worth of paid off markers -- I never owed that much. Our mistake. But what does it matter; it was our money. We don't even expect thanks. -Our mistake. But what does it matter; it was our money. We don't even expect thanks. You paid off thirty grand I never owed. -You paid off thirty grand I never owed. We'll keep it quiet; the people who know are trustworthy...the Committee needn't find out. -We'll keep it quiet; the people who know are trustworthy...the Committee needn't find out. And what's the price of their not finding out. -And what's the price of their not finding out. Simple. Be friendly like us. Not hostile. -Simple. Be friendly like us. Not hostile. Thanks...friend. -Senator, my client would like to read a statement for the record. I don't think that's necessary. -I don't think that's necessary. Sir, my client has answered every question asked by this committee with the utmost cooperation and sincerity. He has not taken that Fifth Amendment as it was his right to do, and which because of the extreme legal complexity of this hearing, counsel advised him to do. So, I think in all fairness this committee should hear his statement and put it in the record. -Sir, my client has answered every question asked by this committee with the utmost cooperation and sincerity. He has not taken that Fifth Amendment as it was his right to do, and which because of the extreme legal complexity of this hearing, counsel advised him to do. So, I think in all fairness this committee should hear his statement and put it in the record. Very well. -Mr. Hagen, would you kindly identify to this committee that gentleman sitting on your right hand? Yes, sir. His name is Vincenzo Pentangeli. -Yes, sir. His name is Vincenzo Pentangeli. Is he related to the witness? -Is he related to the witness? He is, I believe, a brother. -Sir, the gentleman does not understand English. He would not in any case, take the stand. He came, at his own expense, to aid his brother in his trouble. He is not under any jurisdiction of our government and his reputation in his own country is impeccable. The witness is excused; take him out. -Senator Kane. This meeting is adjourned. -This meeting is adjourned. This committee owes an apology! -This committee owes an apology! The committee is adjourned until further notice. -Yes. I'm sorry, Mrs. Corleone. We're not to let you through. -I'm sorry, Mrs. Corleone. We're not to let you through. I'm going to the market. -I'm going to the market. If you could just give us a list, we'll pick up anything you want. -If you could just give us a list, we'll pick up anything you want. Whose orders are these? -Whose orders are these? Mr. Hagen's, ma'am. -Anthony, Daddy's busy. This is my boy, and my wife. Mr. John Ola of Miami. -This is my boy, and my wife. Mr. John Ola of Miami. I'm sorry, Michael. Senator Geary's here, and Mr. and Mrs. Barrett wanted to thank you before they left. Won't you join us, Mr. Ola? -I'm sorry, Michael. Senator Geary's here, and Mr. and Mrs. Barrett wanted to thank you before they left. Won't you join us, Mr. Ola? Mr. Ola's just leaving, Kay. Please tell the Senator I won't be a minute. -Kay. Yes, Michael. -How's the baby? Sleeping inside me. -Sleeping inside me. Does it feel like a boy? -Does it feel like a boy? Yes, Michael, it does. -Yes, Michael, it does. I'm sorry about some of the people I had to see today. It was bad timing... but it couldn't be helped. -I'm sorry about some of the people I had to see today. It was bad timing... but it couldn't be helped. It made me think of what you told me once. In five years, the Corleone family will be completely legitimate. That was seven years ago. -Leave her alone! You're talking as though she has no right to be frightened when there are machine guns going off in her backyard. Have Tom Hagen meet me in the Harbor House. -I had no idea... I wanted to see you before you went back to Nevada. Also, the children - Michael, they're here. -I wanted to see you before you went back to Nevada. Also, the children - Michael, they're here. Where? -Where? In a minute. They're outside with Esther. I'm very happy for you... I suppose I knew that you're simply too smart for anyone ever to beat you. -In a minute. They're outside with Esther. I'm very happy for you... I suppose I knew that you're simply too smart for anyone ever to beat you. Why don't you sit down? -Why don't you sit down? I'm not going to stay long; I can't. -I'm not going to stay long; I can't. There are a lot of things I want to talk to you about. Things I've been thinking about -- changes I want to make. -There are a lot of things I want to talk to you about. Things I've been thinking about -- changes I want to make. I think it's too late for changes, Michael. I promised myself I wouldn't talk about it and I've gone and spoiled it. -I think it's too late for changes, Michael. I promised myself I wouldn't talk about it and I've gone and spoiled it. Why too late? -Why too late? Tell me, Michael. What really happened with Pentangeli? -Tell me, Michael. What really happened with Pentangeli? His brother came to help him. -His brother came to help him. I didn't even know he had a brother. And where is he now? -I didn't even know he had a brother. And where is he now? On a plane back to Sicily. -On a plane back to Sicily. And that's all he had to do. Just show his face. -And that's all he had to do. Just show his face. That's all. You see, in Sicily, in the old days... there was only one legitimate reason to kill a blood relative... only one. IF he was a traitor. -That's all. You see, in Sicily, in the old days... there was only one legitimate reason to kill a blood relative... only one. IF he was a traitor. You would have killed his brother? -You would have killed his brother? Kay, you've got it wrong. That kind of thing's all over, I promised you. This was between the two brothers. Years ago Frankie had a young girlfriend; he called her his co-wife. That was his joke, but he meant it. He wouldn't divorce his wife... because she was a great cook. He said he girlfriend made a spaghetti sauce once and it was so terrible he knew he could never marry her. He set her up in a house in Jersey. She had to be faithful... and she had to have kids. And she did, two, a boy and a girl. He had her checked out and watched so she couldn't cheat... but the girl couldn't stand that kind of life. She begged him to let her go. He did. He gave her money and made her give up the kids. Then Frankie took them to Italy, and had them brought up by his brother Vincenzo. Where he knew they'd by safe. -When he saw his brother in the hearing room, he knew what was at stake. I don't think Vincenzo would have done it. He loves the kids, too. Omerta, Kay. Honor, silence. It had nothing to do with me. It was between those brothers. I'll bring the children up now; they want to say goodbye. -I'll bring the children up now; they want to say goodbye. Kay, I told you... -Kay, I told you... Goodbye, Michael. -Goodbye, Michael. I won't let you leave! Christ, do you think I'm going to let you leave. -I won't let you leave! Christ, do you think I'm going to let you leave. Michael. -Michael. No, I don't want to hear anything. There are things between men and women that will not change; things that have been the same for thousands of years. You are my wife, and they are my children... and I love you and I will not let you leave, because you are MINE! -No, I don't want to hear anything. There are things between men and women that will not change; things that have been the same for thousands of years. You are my wife, and they are my children... and I love you and I will not let you leave, because you are MINE! Oh, I do feel things for you, Michael; but now, I think it's pity. For the first time since I've known you, you seem so helpless. You held me a prisoner once; will you try again? -Oh, I do feel things for you, Michael; but now, I think it's pity. For the first time since I've known you, you seem so helpless. You held me a prisoner once; will you try again? If that's what it takes; then yes, I will. -If that's what it takes; then yes, I will. At this moment, I feel no love for you at all. I never thought that could happen, but it has. -At this moment, I feel no love for you at all. I never thought that could happen, but it has. We'll go back tonight. Bring the children. -We'll go back tonight. Bring the children. You haven't heard me. -How can I let you leave; how can I let you take my children away? Don't you know me? You understand, it's an impossibility. I would never let it happen; no, never, not if it took all my strength, all my cunning. But in time, soon, you'll feel differently. You see, you'll be happy that I stopped you. I know you. You'll forget about this; you'll forget about the baby we lost... and we'll go on, you and I. The baby I lost... -The baby I lost... I know what it meant... and I'm prepared to make it up to you. I will make changes; I can. I CAN change; that I have learned, that I have the strength to change... And we have another child, a boy... and you'll forget the miscarriage. -I know what it meant... and I'm prepared to make it up to you. I will make changes; I can. I CAN change; that I have learned, that I have the strength to change... And we have another child, a boy... and you'll forget the miscarriage. It wasn't a miscarriage. And you with your cunning, couldn't you figure it out! It was an abortion; an abortion, like our marriage is an abortion, something unholy and evil. I don't want your son; I wouldn't bring another of your sons into this world. An abortion, Michael... it was a son, and I had it killed, but this must all end! -Are you Klingman? Who's asking? -Who's asking? Where can we talk? -Where can we talk? Right here. -Right here. I represent the interests of the Corleone family. We make the invitation to you to tie up your affairs and be out of the hotel by Monday morning. -I represent the interests of the Corleone family. We make the invitation to you to tie up your affairs and be out of the hotel by Monday morning. Who do you think you're talking to? -Who do you think you're talking to? You said you were Klingman. -You said you were Klingman. You don't come in here, talk to an owner in Las Vegas like that. -You don't come in here, talk to an owner in Las Vegas like that. You missed my point; you are no longer an owner. -You missed my point; you are no longer an owner. Get out of my hotel. -It's Michael. How are you, Mom? I'm alright. Will you stay home for awhile? -I'm alright. Will you stay home for awhile? There are still things I have to do. -There are still things I have to do. Well, we can all have a nice dinner together tonight. How are your eyes? -Well, we can all have a nice dinner together tonight. How are your eyes? Alright. They bother me once in awhile. Tell me, when Pop had troubles... did he ever think, even to himself, that he had gone the wrong way; that maybe by trying to be strong and trying to protect his family, that he could... that he could... lose it instead? -Alright. They bother me once in awhile. Tell me, when Pop had troubles... did he ever think, even to himself, that he had gone the wrong way; that maybe by trying to be strong and trying to protect his family, that he could... that he could... lose it instead? You talk about the baby. She can have another baby. -You talk about the baby. She can have another baby. No, I meant lose his family. -No, I meant lose his family. Your family? How can you ever lose your family? -Your family? How can you ever lose your family? But times are different... -Sit down, this is almost over. You follow the baseball games? Not for a few years. -Not for a few years. I like sporting events -- I really enjoy watching them in the afternoon. One of the things I love about this country. I loved baseball ever since Arnold Rothstein fixed the World Series of 1919...I heard you had some trouble. -I like sporting events -- I really enjoy watching them in the afternoon. One of the things I love about this country. I loved baseball ever since Arnold Rothstein fixed the World Series of 1919...I heard you had some trouble. Yes. -Yes. What a mistake; people behaving like that, with guns. It was my understanding we left all that behind. But, let me tell you, the important thing is that you're all right. Good health is the most important thing; more than success; more than power; more than money. -What a mistake; people behaving like that, with guns. It was my understanding we left all that behind. But, let me tell you, the important thing is that you're all right. Good health is the most important thing; more than success; more than power; more than money. The incident of the other night is a nuisance that I can take care of. I came to you because I want nothing to affect our agreement; I wanted to clear everything I'm going to do with you, just in case. -The incident of the other night is a nuisance that I can take care of. I came to you because I want nothing to affect our agreement; I wanted to clear everything I'm going to do with you, just in case. You're a considerate young man. -You're a considerate young man. You're a great man, Mr. Roth, I have much to learn from you. -You're a great man, Mr. Roth, I have much to learn from you. However I can help you... -However I can help you... The Rosato Brothers have performed services for you in the past; I understand that they are under your protection. -The Rosato Brothers have performed services for you in the past; I understand that they are under your protection. We do favors for each other... -We do favors for each other... Technically, they are still under the Clemenza wing of the Corleone Family, now run by Frankie Pentangeli. After Clemenza died, the Rosatos wanted territory of their own. Pentangeli refused, and came to me, asking for permission to eliminate them. I, of course, knew of their relationship with you, and in gratitude for your help with the Tropicana matter, turned him down. Pentangeli was furious, and paid one hundred and fifty thousand dollars to have me killed. I was lucky and he was stupid. I'll visit him soon. The important thing is that nothing jeopardize our plans, yours and mine. This thing of ours, that we will build. -Nothing is more important. Pentangeli is a dead man; do you object? -Pentangeli is a dead man; do you object? It's always bad for business; but you have no choice. -It's always bad for business; but you have no choice. Then it's done. I must choose his replacement: it cannot be Rosato. -Then it's done. I must choose his replacement: it cannot be Rosato. Of course you must keep control of your family. -I still don't speak Spanish, Michael. It means... "The Lie." -Enjoy. I saw an interesting thing today. A man was being arrested by the Military Police; probably an urban guerrilla. Rather than be taken alive, he exploded a grenade hidden in his jacket, taking the command vehicle with him. -You have to be careful what you say in front of the others... they frighten easy. It's always been that way, most men frighten easy. We're making a big investment in Cuba. That's my only concern. -We're making a big investment in Cuba. That's my only concern. My concern is that the three million never arrived at Batista's numbered account in Switzerland. He thinks it's because you have second thoughts about his ability to stop the rebels. -My concern is that the three million never arrived at Batista's numbered account in Switzerland. He thinks it's because you have second thoughts about his ability to stop the rebels. The money was sent. -The money was sent. Then you have to trace it. Michael, people here look at me as a reliable man. I can't afford not to be looked on as a reliable man. But you know all that; there's nothing you can learn from me. You shouldn't have to put up with a sick old man as a partner. -Then you have to trace it. Michael, people here look at me as a reliable man. I can't afford not to be looked on as a reliable man. But you know all that; there's nothing you can learn from me. You shouldn't have to put up with a sick old man as a partner. I wouldn't consider anyone else. -I wouldn't consider anyone else. Except the President of the United States. -If only I could live to see it, kid; to be there with you. How beautifully we've done it, step by step. Here, protected, free to make our profits without the Justice Department, the FBI; ninety miles away in partnership with a friendly government. Ninety miles, just a small step, looking for a man who desperately wants to be President of the United States, and having the cash to make it possible. You'll be there to see it; you'll be there. -This doubles my investment. Still no word of your courier? We'll find him. But at least this will satisfy our friends here. You've been invited to the New Year reception at the Presidential Home. I understand your brother is here as well; I hope he'll come. -Still no word of your courier? We'll find him. But at least this will satisfy our friends here. You've been invited to the New Year reception at the Presidential Home. I understand your brother is here as well; I hope he'll come. Six million dollars in cash is a high price for a piece of a country in the middle of a revolution. -You're a careful kid, and that's good. But look. An international dispatch on the wire service. American journalism, not propaganda. The government troops have all but eliminated the rebels. All but their radio station. I've read it; I'm pleased that the government is doing so well. As a heavy investor, I'm pleased. How did the doctor find you? -I've read it; I'm pleased that the government is doing so well. As a heavy investor, I'm pleased. How did the doctor find you? Terrible. I'd give twice this amount to take a piss without it hurting. -Terrible. I'd give twice this amount to take a piss without it hurting. Who had Frankie Pantangeli killed? -Who had Frankie Pantangeli killed? Why...the Rosato Brothers. -Why...the Rosato Brothers. I know that; but who gave the go ahead. -I know it wasn't me...so that leaves you. There was this kid that I grew up with; he was a couple years younger than me, and sort of looked up to me, you know. We did our first work together, worked our way out of the street. Things were good and we made the most of it. During prohibition, we ran molasses up to Canada and made a fortune; your father too. I guess as much as anyone, I loved him and trusted him. Later on he had an idea to make a city out of a desert stop-over for G.I.'s on the way to the West Coast. That kid's name was Moe Greene, and the city he invented was Las Vegas. This was a great man; a man with vision and guts; and there isn't even a plaque or a signpost or a statue of him in that town. Someone put a bullet through his eye; no one knows who gave the order. When I heard about it I wasn't angry. I knew Moe; I knew he was headstrong, and talking loud, and saying stupid things. So when he turned up dead, I let it go, and said to myself: this is the business we've chosen. I never asked, who gave the go ahead because it had nothing to do with business. -Hiya, Mr. Corleone, I'm Sam Roth. Welcome to the Capri; my brother's upstairs. You wanta take a rest before you see him, or can I get you something, anything at all? No, I'm fine. -This is it! We think it makes Vegas look like the corner crap game. Very impressive. -Very impressive. Jake, Jake, come over here. Mike, I want you to meet Jake Cohen; he manages the casino for us. -It occurred to me: the police are paid to fight, and the Rebels are not. So? -So? So, that occurred to me. -You know my lawyer, Tom Hagen. Johnny Ola. Sure, I remember Tom from the old days. -I just left our friend in Miami. How is his health? -How is his health? Not good. -Not good. Is there anything I can do; anything I can send? -Is there anything I can do; anything I can send? He appreciates your concern, Michael, and your respect. -The hotel's registered owners are one Jacob Lawrence, and Sidney Barclay, both Beverly Hills attorneys. In reality it's split between the Old Lakeville Road Group from Cleveland, and our friend in Miami. He takes care of others outside the country, you know who I mean. Meyer Klingman runs the store, and does all right, but I've been instructed to tell you, that if you move him out, our friend in Miami will go along with you. He's very kind, tell him it's appreciated. I'm sure it will be profitable all the way around. -He's very kind, tell him it's appreciated. I'm sure it will be profitable all the way around. He always makes money for his partners. One by one, our old friends are gone. Death, natural or not, prison, deported. Our friend in Miami is the only one left, because he always made money for his partners. -They asked him to sign paper to take down the markers; but he got mad; told them to wait until he was finished. Let him gamble. -Let him gamble. Okay. You know he doesn't have that kind of money. -Are you the son of Vito Corleone? Yes. -I'm sure we all agree with our esteemed colleague. Now, Mr. Corleone, you have been advised as to your legal rights. We have had testimony from a preceding witness who states you are head of the most powerful Mafia family in this country. Are you? No. -No. This witness has testified that you are personally responsible for the murder of a New York Police Captain in the year 1947 and with him a man named Virgil Sollozzo. Do you deny this? -This witness has testified that you are personally responsible for the murder of a New York Police Captain in the year 1947 and with him a man named Virgil Sollozzo. Do you deny this? I deny his every charge. -I deny his every charge. Is it true that in the year 1950 you devised the murder of the heads of the Five Families in New York, to assume and consolidate your nefarious power? -Is it true that in the year 1950 you devised the murder of the heads of the Five Families in New York, to assume and consolidate your nefarious power? That is a complete falsehood. -That is a complete falsehood. Is it true that you own a controlling interest in three of the major hotels in Las Vegas? -Is it true that you own a controlling interest in three of the major hotels in Las Vegas? That is not true. I own some stock in some of the hotels, but only very small amounts. I also own some American Telephone and IBM stock. -Mr. Corleone, do you have any hotel interests in the state of Arizona? Or any gambling interests in that state? I do not. -I do not. Do you have interests or control over gambling and narcotics in the state of New York. -Do you have interests or control over gambling and narcotics in the state of New York. I do not. -I know. When do we talk? -When do we talk? After dinner. -Sure, Pete Clemenza died of a heart attack, but the Rosato Brothers gave it to him. We were all heartbroken at the news; but that wasn't cause to start a war. -We were all heartbroken at the news; but that wasn't cause to start a war. Okay, now it's my family in Brooklyn; and I wanna keep up Clemenza's loyalty to you. But how can I run my family with you challenging my every move? You're too far from the street, Mike, the only way to reason with the Rosato Brothers is to whack 'em and whack 'em fast. -Okay, now it's my family in Brooklyn; and I wanna keep up Clemenza's loyalty to you. But how can I run my family with you challenging my every move? You're too far from the street, Mike, the only way to reason with the Rosato Brothers is to whack 'em and whack 'em fast. You were unfair with them. -You were unfair with them. Says who? -Says who? Clemenza promised Rosato three territories in the Bronx after he died, and then you took over and welched. -Clemenza promised Rosato three territories in the Bronx after he died, and then you took over and welched. Clemenza promised them nothing, he hated the sonsuvbitches. -Clemenza promised them nothing, he hated the sonsuvbitches. They feel cheated. -They feel cheated. Michael, you're sitting up here in the Sierra Mountains with champagne cocktails making judgment on the way I run my family. -Michael, you're sitting up here in the Sierra Mountains with champagne cocktails making judgment on the way I run my family. Your family still carries the name Corleone, and you will run it like a Corleone! -Your family still carries the name Corleone, and you will run it like a Corleone! And while I feed my family in New York, you put the knife in my back in Miami. -And while I feed my family in New York, you put the knife in my back in Miami. Frankie, you're a good old man, and you've been loyal to my Father for years...so I hope you can explain what you mean. -Frankie, you're a good old man, and you've been loyal to my Father for years...so I hope you can explain what you mean. The Rosatos are running crazy; taking hostages, spitting in my face, because they're backed by the Jew in Miami. -The Rosatos are running crazy; taking hostages, spitting in my face, because they're backed by the Jew in Miami. I know. That's why I want you to be fair with them. -I know. That's why I want you to be fair with them. How can you be fair with animals? They recruit niggers and spicks; they do violence in their own Grandmother's neighborhoods. And everything is dope and whores; the gambling is left to last. Let me run my family without you on my back. I want them taken care of. -How can you be fair with animals? They recruit niggers and spicks; they do violence in their own Grandmother's neighborhoods. And everything is dope and whores; the gambling is left to last. Let me run my family without you on my back. I want them taken care of. No. There are things that I have planned with Hyman Roth. I don't want them disturbed. -No. There are things that I have planned with Hyman Roth. I don't want them disturbed. You give your loyalty to a Jew over your own blood. -You give your loyalty to a Jew over your own blood. Frankie, you know my father respected Roth, did business with him. -Frankie, you know my father respected Roth, did business with him. He did business...but he never trusted him. -Don Corleone, I wish you let me know you was coming. We could have prepared something for you. I didn't want you to know I was coming. You heard what happened in my home? -I didn't want you to know I was coming. You heard what happened in my home? Michael, yes, we was all relieved... -Michael, yes, we was all relieved... In my home! In the same room where my wife was sleeping; where my children come in their pajamas, and play with their toys. -I want you to help me take my revenge. Michael, anything. What is it I can do for you? -Michael, anything. What is it I can do for you? I want you to settle these troubles with the Rosato Brothers. -I want you to settle these troubles with the Rosato Brothers. I was just going to contact you, Michael; we just had a 'sit-down' - in fact, I just come from there. -I was just going to contact you, Michael; we just had a 'sit-down' - in fact, I just come from there. I want you to settle on their terms. -I want you to settle on their terms. Mike, I don't understand. Don't ask me to do that. -Mike, I don't understand. Don't ask me to do that. Trust me; do as I ask. -Trust me; do as I ask. It would be the beginning of the end for my family. How can I keep all my other territories in like if I let two wise-guys stand up and demand this and that, and then give it to them? -It would be the beginning of the end for my family. How can I keep all my other territories in like if I let two wise-guys stand up and demand this and that, and then give it to them? Frankie...do you respect me? Do I have your loyalty? -Frankie...do you respect me? Do I have your loyalty? Always... But sometimes I don't understand. I know I'll never have your kind of brains, in big deals. But Mike, this is a street thing. And Hyman Roth in Miami is behind the Rosato Brothers. -Always... But sometimes I don't understand. I know I'll never have your kind of brains, in big deals. But Mike, this is a street thing. And Hyman Roth in Miami is behind the Rosato Brothers. I know. -I know. Then why do you want me to lay down to them? -Then why do you want me to lay down to them? Frankie, Roth tried to have me killed. I'm sure it was him, but I don't know yet why. -Frankie, Roth tried to have me killed. I'm sure it was him, but I don't know yet why. Jesus Christ, Michael, then let's hit 'em now, while we still got the muscle. -Jesus Christ, Michael, then let's hit 'em now, while we still got the muscle. This was my father's old study. When I was a kid, we had to be quiet when we played near here. When I was older, I learned many things from him here. I was happy that this house never went to strangers; first Clemenza took it over, and then you. My father taught me, in this room, never to act until you know everything that's behind things. Never. If Hyman Roth sees that I interceded with you in the Rosato Brothers' favor, he'll think his relationship with me is still sound. I'm going somewhere to meet him tomorrow. We have friends in some very important business that we're making. Do this for me; you make the peace with the Rosato Brothers on their terms. Let the word out that I forced you; you're not happy wit hit, but acquiesced, just because of me. It will get back to Hyman Roth. Do this, Frankie. You can trust me. -This was my father's old study. When I was a kid, we had to be quiet when we played near here. When I was older, I learned many things from him here. I was happy that this house never went to strangers; first Clemenza took it over, and then you. My father taught me, in this room, never to act until you know everything that's behind things. Never. If Hyman Roth sees that I interceded with you in the Rosato Brothers' favor, he'll think his relationship with me is still sound. I'm going somewhere to meet him tomorrow. We have friends in some very important business that we're making. Do this for me; you make the peace with the Rosato Brothers on their terms. Let the word out that I forced you; you're not happy wit hit, but acquiesced, just because of me. It will get back to Hyman Roth. Do this, Frankie. You can trust me. Sure, Mike. I'll go along. -Sure, Mike. I'll go along. Good. -My lawyer, Tom Hagen. He arranged this all through your man Turnbull. I thought we would meet alone. -I thought we would meet alone. I trust these men with my life. They are my right arms; I cannot insult them by sending them away. -I trust these men with my life. They are my right arms; I cannot insult them by sending them away. Some water. -The Corleone family controls two major hotels in Vegas; one in Reno. The licenses were grandfathered in, so you had no difficulties with the Gaming Commission. But I have the idea from sources... ...that you're planning to move in on the Tropicana. In another week or so you'll move Klingman out, which leaves you with only one technicality. The license, which is now in Klingman's name. Turnbull is a good man. -Turnbull is a good man. Let's forget the bullshit, I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to. You can have the license for two hundred and fifty thousand in cash, plus a monthly fee equal to five percent of the gross... -Senator Geary, I speak to you as a businessman who has made a large investment in your state. I have made that state my home; plan to raise my children here. The license fee from the Gambling Commission costs one thousand dollars; why would I ever consider paying more? I'm going to squeeze you, Corleone, because I don't like you; I don't like the kind of man you are. I despise your masquerade, and the dishonest way you pose yourself and your fucking family. -We're all part of the same hypocrisy, Senator. But never think it applies to my family. All right, then let me say you'll pay me because it's in your interests to pay me. -They're still on the property. Maybe you better stay inside. Keep them alive. -We'll try. It's important. -Your family all seem to be okay in the other houses; your Mother's still sleeping. And? -And? No sign of them yet; but they're still on the Estate. -On the phone? No, she's here. -Rosato, where's your brother? Sitting right behind you. -He don't want to talk? We worked it all out beforehand. -We worked it all out beforehand. Are we going to eat or what? -Are we going to eat or what? Sure, on me. I got Diner's Club. -Sure, on me. I got Diner's Club. Forget it; I'm suddenly without an appetite. You're making big trouble, Carmine. -Forget it; I'm suddenly without an appetite. You're making big trouble, Carmine. You weren't straight with us, Frankie, what else could we do? -You weren't straight with us, Frankie, what else could we do? We could have talked first, saved a lot of running around. -We could have talked first, saved a lot of running around. You wasn't listening, you didn't want to talk. -You wasn't listening, you didn't want to talk. Don't I look like I'm listening? -Don't I look like I'm listening? We want Brooklyn one hundred percent. No more taxes to you. We want to be only loosely connected with your family -- sort of a under-family all of our own. Then we can act on all internal matters without talking. Also we want you to inform Michael Corleone that we can deal directly with him. -We want Brooklyn one hundred percent. No more taxes to you. We want to be only loosely connected with your family -- sort of a under-family all of our own. Then we can act on all internal matters without talking. Also we want you to inform Michael Corleone that we can deal directly with him. I'm a little hungry, maybe I'll order something. Joe. Get me some bracciole or something. And pay cash. And in return for these concessions, what do you do for me? -I'm a little hungry, maybe I'll order something. Joe. Get me some bracciole or something. And pay cash. And in return for these concessions, what do you do for me? We will release the hostages, number one. Number two, we're here for you to count on when you need us. We're independent, but we're here if you need us. In general, we'll cooperate with you and your businesses, and you in turn will cooperate with us. Pari persu. -We will release the hostages, number one. Number two, we're here for you to count on when you need us. We're independent, but we're here if you need us. In general, we'll cooperate with you and your businesses, and you in turn will cooperate with us. Pari persu. Pari Persu; what the fuck is Pari persu...? -Pari Persu; what the fuck is Pari persu...? My lawyer went over this beforehand. -My lawyer went over this beforehand. What assurances do I have that there will be no more kidnapping, no more hits? -What assurances do I have that there will be no more kidnapping, no more hits? The same assurance we got from you. -The same assurance we got from you. What if I say shove it? -What if I say shove it? Then Carmine Fucillo and Tony Blue DeRosa will need to be fitted for slabs. -Then Carmine Fucillo and Tony Blue DeRosa will need to be fitted for slabs. You want a war? -You want a war? We got no choice. -We got no choice. You know if there's a way I'll go to the commission and the commission will side with me. That puts me and the other New York families against you. -You know if there's a way I'll go to the commission and the commission will side with me. That puts me and the other New York families against you. We got friends in the commission. -We got friends in the commission. I'm talking about Italians! -I'm talking about Italians! What about Michael Corleone? -What about Michael Corleone? He supports me. -He supports me. Maybe, yes... maybe no. -What's this? That's a lucky C note for our new deal. -I have already rented the apartment to another family. I told her I would speak to you, that you are a reasonable man who acted out of some misunderstanding. She has gotten rid of the animal that caused all the trouble, so why shouldn't she stay. As one Italian to another, I ask you the favor. -I told her I would speak to you, that you are a reasonable man who acted out of some misunderstanding. She has gotten rid of the animal that caused all the trouble, so why shouldn't she stay. As one Italian to another, I ask you the favor. I've already rented it; I cannot disappoint the new tenants. They're paying a higher rent. -I've already rented it; I cannot disappoint the new tenants. They're paying a higher rent. How much more a month? -How much more a month? Eh... Five dollars more. -Here is the six month's increase in advance. You needn't speak to her about it, she's a proud woman. See me again in another six months. But of course, you'll let her keep her dog. Like hell! And who the hell are you to give me orders. Watch your manners or you'll be on your Sicilian ass in the street there. -Excuse me, I hope I am not a disturbance, Don Corleone. Yes. -Yes. What a terrible misunderstanding. Of course, Signora Colombo can stay in the flat. Who were those miserable tenants to complain about noise from a poor animal...when they pay such low rent. -Your good heart in helping the poor widow has shamed me, and I want to show that I, too, have some Christian charity. Her rent will remain what it was. What was that? -What was that? In fact, reduced, bu five dollars! -I accept your generosity... I won't keep you another minute... -Thanks, doll. I say let loverboy watch his movie. And be grateful Boone's not cutting Shirley Temple's lawn. -I say let loverboy watch his movie. And be grateful Boone's not cutting Shirley Temple's lawn. Why is everybody giving me crap tonight? -What makes you say that? Just thinking out loud. -Just thinking out loud. Yeah, well keep your filthy thoughts to yourself. -Yeah, well keep your filthy thoughts to yourself. All right, then. He's interested in you for your conversation. We know what a great talker you are. -All right, then. He's interested in you for your conversation. We know what a great talker you are. Fuck you. -Fuck you. Not anymore you don't. Doll. -Not anymore you don't. Doll. We're watching the movie, Harry. You got that! We are watching my fucking movie. -This looks corny. Go wash glasses if you don't like it. -These old movies are such a hoot. They thought they were being scary, but they're just funny. Maybe it's supposed to be funny. -Maybe it's supposed to be funny. Funny is funny and scary is scary. You don't mix them. -So what did you think? Weird. -You know what? I think you guys are all jealous. What's to be jealous of? -What's to be jealous of? I've gotten to know someone who's famous. -I've gotten to know someone who's famous. Not so famous any of us have ever heard of him. -Not so famous any of us have ever heard of him. If he were that famous, he probably wouldn't give me the time of day. This way, he's like my famous person. Yeah, my own personal famous person. Who treats me like I'm somebody worth talking to. -What's that mean? It means it's too cold to go swimming. And I don't mean the water. -It means it's too cold to go swimming. And I don't mean the water. I wasn't going to try anything. -I wasn't going to try anything. Yeah, and I'm never going to smoke another cigarette. -This old guy -- he's the kind of person I expected to meet when I moved out here. Someone who's done things with his life. Do you realize you're more interested in this old goober than you ever were in me? -Do you realize you're more interested in this old goober than you ever were in me? It's different. He's a man. And by the way you have no business calling him a homo. -It's different. He's a man. And by the way you have no business calling him a homo. It never crossed your mind? -It never crossed your mind? He's an artist. Anyway, he's too old to think about sex. -He's an artist. Anyway, he's too old to think about sex. All the old men I know think about nothing but sex. -You picked up that girl right in front of me. Hey, no strings, right? That's what you always said. Just good pals who have the hots for each other. -Hey, no strings, right? That's what you always said. Just good pals who have the hots for each other. It still hurt. A lot. -It still hurt. A lot. I didn't mean to... -I didn't mean to... No, I'm actually kind of glad it happened. It made me wonder what the hell I was doing with my life. Letting you pull me into bed whenever the spirit moved you. -No, I'm actually kind of glad it happened. It made me wonder what the hell I was doing with my life. Letting you pull me into bed whenever the spirit moved you. You liked it too. -You liked it too. Sure. I loved it. -Sure. I loved it. If you enjoy it, you should do it. -If you enjoy it, you should do it. You know, I just can't do that anymore. I still have time to get things right. Get married again -- -You know, I just can't do that anymore. I still have time to get things right. Get married again -- You mean us? -The look on your face! You're not marriage material. You're not even boyfriend material. You're a kid. A big, fun, slightly irresponsible kid. I'm not a kid. -I'm not a kid. What are you then? What will you be ten years from now? Still cutting lawns? Still banging horny divorcees in your trailer? -I like my life. I'm a free man. Sure you're free, for now at least. But how long before you're just alone? Pathetic and alone. -So you don't want to fuck. That's what you're telling me? Is that all this conversation means to you? Am I going to put out or not? -Is that all this conversation means to you? Am I going to put out or not? Damn straight. I'm sick of playing games. -Don't worry, you already paid me. I'm here because -- The Master is waiting for you. -It's your job, lady, not mine. I'm here so he can draw my picture. I'm keeping away. What you are doing is no business of mine. -I'm keeping away. What you are doing is no business of mine. What're you talking about? -What're you talking about? What kind of man are you? Are you a good man? -What kind of man are you? Are you a good man? Yeah, I'm a good man. Something make you think I'm not? -Yeah, I'm a good man. Something make you think I'm not? You will not hurt him? -You will not hurt him? Gimme a break. I'm going to sit on my ass while he draws pictures. Is that going to hurt him? -Gimme a break. I'm going to sit on my ass while he draws pictures. Is that going to hurt him? No. No. I am sorry. Forget everything I say. Here. I will take the tray. -No. No. I am sorry. Forget everything I say. Here. I will take the tray. You do that. -Something I can do for you? The Master wants to know if you are free for lunch. I tell him you will be having other plans, but he insists I ask. -The Master wants to know if you are free for lunch. I tell him you will be having other plans, but he insists I ask. Got a lawn this afternoon, but I'm free until then. -Got a lawn this afternoon, but I'm free until then. Expect nothing fancy. -The Master is dressing. I am to offer you a drink. There is whiskey and there is iced tea. Tea is fine. -No. You are a guest now. You go in the living room. That's okay, Hanna. I'm more comfortable in here. It is Hanna, isn't it? -How long you worked for Mr. Whale? Long enough. Fifteen years. -Long enough. Fifteen years. I bet you've seen a lot of famous people come and go? Movie stars? -I bet you've seen a lot of famous people come and go? Movie stars? No. We live simply, Mr. Jimmy and I. People come to play bridge. And now and then, young men to swim. You have people, Boone? -No. We live simply, Mr. Jimmy and I. People come to play bridge. And now and then, young men to swim. You have people, Boone? You mean family? All in Joplin, Missouri. -You mean family? All in Joplin, Missouri. Your wife? -Your wife? I'm not married. -I'm not married. Why? -Why? Oh, I don't know. Because no girl in her right mind will have me? -Oh, I don't know. Because no girl in her right mind will have me? A man who is not married has nothing. He is a man of trouble. You need a woman. -A man who is not married has nothing. He is a man of trouble. You need a woman. You proposing what I think you're proposing? Don't you think I'm a little young for you? -You ever been married, Hanna? Of course. I am married still. -Of course. I am married still. Yeah? What's your husband do? -Yeah? What's your husband do? He is dead now, twenty years. -He is dead now, twenty years. Then you're as single as I am. -Then you're as single as I am. No. I have children, grandchildren too. I visit when I can. But now that Mr. Jimmy cannot be left very long, I do not get away much. Poor Mr. Jimmy. There is much good in him, but he will suffer the fires of hell. Very sad. -No. I have children, grandchildren too. I visit when I can. But now that Mr. Jimmy cannot be left very long, I do not get away much. Poor Mr. Jimmy. There is much good in him, but he will suffer the fires of hell. Very sad. You're sure of that? -You're sure of that? This is what the priests tell me. His sins of the flesh will keep him from heaven. -This is what the priests tell me. His sins of the flesh will keep him from heaven. Sins of the flesh? Everybody has those. -Sins of the flesh? Everybody has those. No. His is the worse. The unspeakable. The deed no man can name without shame? -What is the good English? All I know is bugger. He is a bugger. Men who bugger each other. A homo? -A homo? Yes! You know? -That is why he must go to hell. I do not think it fair. But God's law is not for us to judge. You're telling me Mr. Whale is a homo. -You're telling me Mr. Whale is a homo. You did not know? -You did not know? Well...no, not really -- -Well...no, not really -- You and he are not doing things? -You and he are not doing things? No! -No! Good. That is what I hope. I did not think you a bugger too. I fear only that you might hurt him if he tries. -Good. That is what I hope. I did not think you a bugger too. I fear only that you might hurt him if he tries. I'm not going to hurt anyone. -I'm not going to hurt anyone. Yes. I trust you. -It's not what you think. I have brought you your clothes. All I ask is that you get dressed and go. We are having a guest for breakfast. -I have brought you your clothes. All I ask is that you get dressed and go. We are having a guest for breakfast. I need to talk to you about Mr. Whale. -I need to talk to you about Mr. Whale. There is nothing you can say that will surprise me. -There is nothing you can say that will surprise me. Maybe. But I still need to talk. Do I have time for a cup of coffee before I go? -Maybe. But I still need to talk. Do I have time for a cup of coffee before I go? I blame my daughter for keeping me out so late. I only hope you did not get him excited. It could give him a new stroke. -Thanks. Why do you do it? What do I do? -What do I do? Take care of Mr. Whale like he was your flesh and blood. -Take care of Mr. Whale like he was your flesh and blood. It is my job. I did it when he was happy and it was easy. It is only fair I do it now when he is ill. Enough talk. I must wake up the master. -What have you done with him? I put him to bed. He's not there? -I didn't do it. This wasn't me. Oh, Mr. Jimmy. -Oh, Mr. Jimmy. He wanted me to kill him, but I didn't. He did it himself. -He wanted me to kill him, but I didn't. He did it himself. He says here good-bye. I find it in his room. He is sorry, he says. He has had a wonderful life. -You must leave. You were not here this morning. But I didn't do this! -But I didn't do this! The police will not know that. They will want to investigate. -The police will not know that. They will want to investigate. We have his note. -We have his note. Do you want to be questioned about you and Mr. Jimmy? Please, Clayton. It will be better if I find the body alone. -Do you want to be questioned about you and Mr. Jimmy? Please, Clayton. It will be better if I find the body alone. But how're you going to explain this? How did you get him out of the pool? -But how're you going to explain this? How did you get him out of the pool? You are right. Yes. We must put him back. -Good morning. Mornin'. -Mornin'. My name is Whale. This is my house. -My name is Whale. This is my house. Nice place. -Nice place. And your name is --? -And your name is --? Boone. Clayton Boone. -Boone. Clayton Boone. I couldn't help but notice your tattoo. That phrase? Death Before Dishonor. What does it mean? -I couldn't help but notice your tattoo. That phrase? Death Before Dishonor. What does it mean? Just that I was in the Marines. -Just that I was in the Marines. The Marines. Good for you. You must have served in Korea. -Getting to be a warm day. A scorcher, as you Yanks call it. Yeah. I better get on with my work. -Everything alright, Mr. Boone? Just got away from me. Sorry to disturb you. -I was just about to ask Hanna to bring down iced tea. I'd like it very much if you'd join me. I stink to high heaven right now. -I stink to high heaven right now. The honest sweat of one's brow. I assure you I won't be offended. Let me tell Hanna to bring tea for two. -Or would you prefer a beer? No. Iced tea's fine. -No. Iced tea's fine. Splendid. -These are your paintings? What? Oh yes. -What? Oh yes. Excuse me, but -- are you famous? -Excuse me, but -- are you famous? You know what they say. If you have to ask -- -You know what they say. If you have to ask -- I'm just a hick who cuts lawns. But some of these look familiar. -I'm just a hick who cuts lawns. But some of these look familiar. They were familiar when I painted them. That one's copied from a Dutch still life done almost three hundred years ago. And that's a Rembrandt. -They were familiar when I painted them. That one's copied from a Dutch still life done almost three hundred years ago. And that's a Rembrandt. They're just copies then. Gotcha. -They're just copies then. Gotcha. But before I retired, you might say I had a brief time in the sun. Fame, as it were. Tell me, do you like motion pictures? -But before I retired, you might say I had a brief time in the sun. Fame, as it were. Tell me, do you like motion pictures? Sure, everybody does. When I was a kid I'd go with my sister twice a week. Why? Were you an actor or something? -Sure, everybody does. When I was a kid I'd go with my sister twice a week. Why? Were you an actor or something? In my youth, yes, but never in Hollywood. No, I was merely a director here. -In my youth, yes, but never in Hollywood. No, I was merely a director here. Yeah? What were some of your movies? -Yeah? What were some of your movies? "This and that. The only ones you maybe have heard of are the ""Frankenstein"" pictures." -"This and that. The only ones you maybe have heard of are the ""Frankenstein"" pictures." Really? -"""Frankenstein"" and ""Bride of"" and ""Son of"" and all the rest?" I made only the first two. The others were done by hacks. -I made only the first two. The others were done by hacks. Still. You must be rich. Making a couple of famous movies like those. -Still. You must be rich. Making a couple of famous movies like those. Merely comfortable. Here's Hanna with our refreshments. Can you get the door? -When they stay in your employ too long, servants begin to think they're married to you. Please, Mr. Boone. Help yourself. What did she mean by going flooey? -What did she mean by going flooey? I returned recently from a stay in hospital. -I returned recently from a stay in hospital. What was wrong? -What was wrong? Nothing serious. A touch of stroke. -You must excuse me for staring, Mr. Boone. But you have a marvelous head. Huh? -Huh? To an artistic eye, you understand. Have you ever modeled? -To an artistic eye, you understand. Have you ever modeled? You mean, like posed for pictures? -You mean, like posed for pictures? Sat for an artist. Been sketched. -Sat for an artist. Been sketched. What's to sketch? -What's to sketch? You have the most architectural skull. And your nose. Very expressive. -You have the most architectural skull. And your nose. Very expressive. Broke is more like it. -Broke is more like it. But expressively broken. How did it happen? -But expressively broken. How did it happen? Football in college. -Football in college. You went to university? -You went to university? Just a year. I dropped out to join the Marines. -Just a year. I dropped out to join the Marines. Yes. You were a Marine. -I apologize for going on like this. It's the Sunday painter in me. Of course I can understand your refusal. It's a great deal to ask of someone. You mean -- you really want to draw me? -You mean -- you really want to draw me? Indeed. I'd pay for the privilege of drawing your head. -Indeed. I'd pay for the privilege of drawing your head. But why? -But why? Even an amateur artist needs a subject to inspire him. -Even an amateur artist needs a subject to inspire him. And it's just my head you want? Nothing else? -And it's just my head you want? Nothing else? What are you suggesting? You'll charge extra if I include a hand or a bit of shoulder. -What are you suggesting? You'll charge extra if I include a hand or a bit of shoulder. You don't want to draw pictures of me in my birthday suit, right? -You don't want to draw pictures of me in my birthday suit, right? I have no interest in your body, Mr. Boone. I can assure you of that. -All right then. Sure. I could use the extra dough. Excellent. We'll have a most interesting time. -Did you see this? They're showing one of your movies tomorrow night. You don't say? Which picture? -You don't say? Which picture? """Bride of Frankenstein.""" -"""Bride of Frankenstein.""" "Hmmm. I much prefer ""Show Boat"" or ""The Invisible Man."" Shall we begin?" -That shirt, Mr. Boone. It's new. -It's new. I'm sorry. It's too white, too distracting. Would it be asking too much for you to take it off? -I'm sorry. It's too white, too distracting. Would it be asking too much for you to take it off? I'm not wearing an undershirt. -I'm not wearing an undershirt. Pish posh, Mr. Boone. I'm not your Aunt Tilly. -Pish posh, Mr. Boone. I'm not your Aunt Tilly. But it's just my face you want to draw. -But it's just my face you want to draw. Oh if it's going to make you uncomfortable... Perhaps we can find something else for you to wear. -We could wrap this like a toga around your shoulders. Would that help you overcome your schoolgirl shyness? All right already. I'll take it off. Kind of warm in here anyway. -Take a picture, it lasts longer. That's exactly what I intend to do. -Would you be more comfortable barefoot? Feel free to remove your boots and socks. No. I'm fine. -No. I'm fine. It's a bit like being at the doctor, isn't it? You have to remain perfectly still while I examine and scrutinize you. -Dripping? Do you ever eat dripping in this country? The fat from roasts and such, congealed in jars. Used like butter on bread. Sounds like something you feed the dog. -Sounds like something you feed the dog. It is. Only the poorest families ever ate it. We kept ours in a crockery jar. -It is. Only the poorest families ever ate it. We kept ours in a crockery jar. Your family ate dripping? -Your family ate dripping? Of course not. As I said, only poor people -- -I'm sorry. I've just realized how terribly ironic it all is. What? -What? I've spent most of my life outrunning my past. Now it's flooding all over me. -There's something about the openness of your face that makes me want to speak the truth. Yes, my family ate dripping. Beef dripping and four to a bed, and a privy out back in the alley. Are you also from the slums, Mr. Boone? We weren't rich. But we weren't poor either. -We weren't rich. But we weren't poor either. No, you were middle class, like all Americans. -No, you were middle class, like all Americans. I guess you'd say we lived on the wrong side of the tracks. -I guess you'd say we lived on the wrong side of the tracks. In Dudley there were more sides of the tracks than any American can imagine. Every Englishman knows his place. And if you forget, there's always someone to remind you. My family had no doubts about who they were. But I was an aberration in that household a freak of nature. I had imagination, cleverness, joy. Where did I get that? Certainly not from them. -You have to excuse me, Mr. Boone. Since my stroke, I am often overcome with nostalgia. I don't mind. I'm not crazy about my old man either. -How are you, Mr. Boone? So glad you are free for lunch. All right, I guess. -All right, I guess. I assume you worked up an appetite with your labor. -Do you mind? Go ahead. -Is this David's doing? This David's a friend? -This David's a friend? Yes. An old, useless friend. You must excuse me, Mr. Boone. This is a world I finished with long ago. I pay them no mind and expect them to return the compliment. Lunch should be ready. Shall we? -Saw your movie the other night. Watched it with some friends. Did you now? -Did you now? I liked it. We all did. -I liked it. We all did. Did anyone laugh? -Did anyone laugh? No. -No. Pity. People are so earnest nowadays. -Pity. People are so earnest nowadays. Why? Was it supposed to be funny? -Why? Was it supposed to be funny? Of course. I had to make it interesting for myself, you see. A comedy about death. The trick is not to ruin it for anyone who isn't in on the joke. But the Monster never receives any of my gibes. He is noble. Noble and misunderstood. -Did you kill anyone? I don't like to talk about that. -I don't like to talk about that. It's nothing to be ashamed of, in the service of one's country. That's something to be proud of. -It's nothing to be ashamed of, in the service of one's country. That's something to be proud of. Proud? Any jerk with a gun can kill someone. -Proud? Any jerk with a gun can kill someone. Quite true. Hand-to-hand combat is the true test. Did you ever slay anyone hand-to-hand? -Quite true. Hand-to-hand combat is the true test. Did you ever slay anyone hand-to-hand? No. I could have, though. -No. I could have, though. Yes, I believe you could. How free is your schedule this afternoon? -Yes, I believe you could. How free is your schedule this afternoon? Full up. I got the hedges to do here, then another lawn out by La Cienega. -Full up. I got the hedges to do here, then another lawn out by La Cienega. What is we say phooey to the hedges? Could you spare an hour after lunch? To sit for me? -What is we say phooey to the hedges? Could you spare an hour after lunch? To sit for me? Can't today. -Can't today. I'll pay our going rate. Plus what you'd get if you did the hedges. -I'll pay our going rate. Plus what you'd get if you did the hedges. Sorry. I don't feel like sitting still today. -Sorry. I don't feel like sitting still today. All righty. I understand. -Just a trim. And mine while you're at it. Fingers are a bit stiff today. You ever been married, Mr. Whale? -You ever been married, Mr. Whale? No. At least not in the legal sense. -So you had a wife? Or a husband. Depending on which of us you asked. My friend David. He lived here for many years. -Does that surprise you? No, I -- you're a homosexual. -No, I -- you're a homosexual. Oh dear. If one must have a clinical name. -Oh dear. If one must have a clinical name. I'm not, you know. -I'm not, you know. I never thought you were. -I never thought you were. You don't think of me that way, do you? -You don't think of me that way, do you? What way might that be? -What way might that be? You know. Look at me like -- like I look at women. -You know. Look at me like -- like I look at women. Don't be ridiculous. I know a real man like you would break my neck if I so much as laid a hand on him. Besides, you're not my type. -So we understand each other? What you do is no business of mine. Live and let live, I say. -What you do is no business of mine. Live and let live, I say. I hope this has nothing to do with your refusing to sit for me today? -I hope this has nothing to do with your refusing to sit for me today? No. I -- -Can I see what you did so far? It will only make you self-conscious. You'll have to remove your shirt. -It will only make you self-conscious. You'll have to remove your shirt. Sorry. Not today. -Sorry. Not today. But we have to match the other sketch. -But we have to match the other sketch. I just feel more comfortable keeping it on. You just said you didn't want me self-conscious. -Oh dear. I have made you nervous. I'm fine. I'd just rather keep it on. -I'm fine. I'd just rather keep it on. Suppose we unbutton the top and pull it down around your shoulders? Two buttons. Is that so much to ask? Just two little buttons. -I don't mean to be a prick, but that's how I feel. Of course. I don't want to scare you off. Not before I'm finished with you. -Tell me more about yourself, Mr. Boone. You have a steady companion? Not at the moment. -Not at the moment. Why not? -Why not? You know how it is. You have to kiss ass just to get a piece of it. -You know how it is. You have to kiss ass just to get a piece of it. Very well put. -Very well put. The world is just one kiss-ass game after another. A man has to make up his own life, alone. -The world is just one kiss-ass game after another. A man has to make up his own life, alone. Ah. A philosopher. -Ah. A philosopher. Thoreau with a lawnmower. -Thoreau with a lawnmower. I like that. But take care, Mr. Boone. Freedom is a drug, much like any other. Too much can be a very bad thing. -Is that why you and your friend split up? Because you wanted to be free? In a way, yes. I suppose so. I know it's why I stopped making pictures. -"You might not think it to look at me now, but there was a time when I was at the very pinnacle of my profession. The horror movies were behind me. I'd done ""Show Boat."" Major success. Great box office. Now I was to do something important. ""The Road Back."" An indictment of the Great War and what it did to Germany. It was to be my masterpiece." What happened? -What happened? The fucking studio butchered it. It was 1937, Hitler's armies were already massing -- and still the New York bankers stood in line to curry his favor. Anything to avoid losing the German market. They cut away the guts and brought in another director to add slapstick. The picture laid an egg, a great expensive bomb. For which I was blamed. -After that, I went out of fashion. I was no longer able to command the best projects, so I walked away. Why should I spend my time working in such a dreadful business? Do you miss it? -Do you miss it? It's so far in the past now. Over fifteen years -- -I think we all want to feel we've left our mark on the world. Yes. I wish I had done more work. You've done a helluva lot more than most people. -You've done a helluva lot more than most people. Better work. -"But I chose freedom. David was still in the thick of it, his life full of anxiety and studio intrigue. I didn't fancy spending my golden years as merely ""the friend."" The dirty little secret of a nervous producer." How long were you...? -How long were you...? Twenty years. Too long. We were like a play whose run outlasted the cast's ability to keep it fresh. So I finally decided to close down the show. -Of course, they weren't nearly as bashful. No, this room was once filled with bare buttocks. And pricks. Hard, arrogant pricks -- Cut it out! -Isn't it enough you told me you're a fairy? Do you have to rub my nose in it? I assure you, Mr. Boone, I meant no -- -I assure you, Mr. Boone, I meant no -- From now on, Mr. Whale, I cut your grass and that's it. Understand? -The extras are in their places. Now we need the star. Wouldn't you like to get in the pool? You first. -You first. Oh no. I never swim. -Mr. Boone. You're not due to cut the lawn until Wednesday. I'd like to sit for you again. But only if you ease up on the locker room talk. Okay? -I'm curious, Mr. Boone. What convinced you to come back? I don't know. I guess I like your stories. -I don't know. I guess I like your stories. Everybody has stories to tell. -Everybody has stories to tell. Not me. -Not me. What about your stint in Korea? I'm sure it was full of dramatic episodes. -What about your stint in Korea? I'm sure it was full of dramatic episodes. I told you. I don't like to talk about that. -And the fear you showed at our last session? How did you overcome that? Not fear. More like disgust. -Not fear. More like disgust. Same difference, Mr. Boone. Disgust, fear of the unknown -- all part of the great gulf that stands between us. Am I right in assuming that you've had little experience with men of my persuasion? -Same difference, Mr. Boone. Disgust, fear of the unknown -- all part of the great gulf that stands between us. Am I right in assuming that you've had little experience with men of my persuasion? There's no people like you in my crowd. -There's no people like you in my crowd. No teammates in football? No comrades in Korea? -No teammates in football? No comrades in Korea? You must think the whole world is queer. Well it's not. War sure isn't. -You must think the whole world is queer. Well it's not. War sure isn't. Oh, there may not be atheists in the foxholes, but there are occasionally lovers. -Oh, there may not be atheists in the foxholes, but there are occasionally lovers. You're talking through your hat now. -You're talking through your hat now. Not at all. I was in the foxholes myself. -Not at all. I was in the foxholes myself. You were a soldier? -You were a soldier? I was an officer. -This was World War I? No, my dear. The Crimean War. What do you think? The Great War. You had a Good War, while we had -- -Barnett. Was that his name? Leonard Barnett. He came to the front straight from Harrow. And he looked up to me. Unlike the others, he didn't care that I was a workingman impersonating his betters. How strange, to be admired so blindly. I suppose he loved me. But chastely, like a schoolboy. Something happened to him? -You will not set me on another walk down memory lane. Not this lane. Not today. I didn't -- -I didn't -- Why do I tell you this? I never told David. I never even remembered it until you got me going. -Why do I tell you this? I never told David. I never even remembered it until you got me going. You're the one who started it. -You're the one who started it. You're very clever, Mr. Boone. You just sit there and let me talk. What a sorry old man, you're thinking. What a crazy old poof. Why are you here? What do you want from me? -You're very clever, Mr. Boone. You just sit there and let me talk. What a sorry old man, you're thinking. What a crazy old poof. Why are you here? What do you want from me? You asked me to model. Remember? -You asked me to model. Remember? Of course I remember. Do you think I'm so senile -- -Just go. Please. Why don't you go? I don't get it. First you creep me out with homo shit. Then you hit me with war stories. And now you're upset because I listen? What do you want? -I don't get it. First you creep me out with homo shit. Then you hit me with war stories. And now you're upset because I listen? What do you want? I want -- I want... -My apologies. I had no business snapping at you. No harm done. -No harm done. It was foolishness to attempt this portrait. You cannot force what will not flow. -It was foolishness to attempt this portrait. You cannot force what will not flow. You don't want me to sit for you anymore? -If you don't mind driving, I'd like to take you as my guest. There should be lots of pretty starlets to keep you amused. I'm game. Sure. -I'm game. Sure. Very good, Clayton. May I call you Clayton? Or do you prefer Boone? -Very good, Clayton. May I call you Clayton? Or do you prefer Boone? Clayton is fine. -Good afternoon, Clayton. Do I look okay? -I suppose you'd like the top down. If that's okay? -If that's okay? Nothing would please me more. -What did I tell you? Listen. I don't hear anything. -I don't hear anything. Exactly. Cukor was too cheap to hire music. There's nothing but chin-wag. The cold dreary custard of English chin-wag. -What was that about? Nothing of importance. Just two old men slapping each other with lilies. Shall we have a drink? -Who's that? David. The friend I thought was in New York. -David. The friend I thought was in New York. No. The girl. -No. The girl. Girl? Oh. Elizabeth Taylor. -Is that really her? David produced her last picture. -Are you enjoying yourself? Actually, no. I feel a little out of place. -Actually, no. I feel a little out of place. Neither of us really belongs here. -Neither of us really belongs here. Must have been funny for you. Seeing your monsters again. -Must have been funny for you. Seeing your monsters again. Monsters? The only monsters... ...are here. -Oh fuck. And we left the top down. You want to run for it? Run for what? -Run for what? Can't you see? It's raining! -Let's get out of this funk hole You don't want to wait it out? Rain should let up soon. -You don't want to wait it out? Rain should let up soon. We're not sugar. We won't melt. -I better get you home before you catch your death from pneumonia. Catch my death. -It's not like her. Just a night out. Sounds like she can't say no to her daughter. -Just a night out. Sounds like she can't say no to her daughter. Certainly you have better things to do than babysit an old man? -Certainly you have better things to do than babysit an old man? Good. Let's get dry. -Oh, of course. Clayton. You finished your shower already? Ten minutes ago. Didn't you hear me calling? -Ten minutes ago. Didn't you hear me calling? I'm afraid not. Terribly sorry. I believe I promised you some clothes. -You're much wider than I am. You won't want to attempt to get into my pants. No. Definitely not. -That only leaves the rest. You don't have any baggy shorts? Pajama bottoms? -You don't have any baggy shorts? Pajama bottoms? Sorry. My pajamas are tailored. Would it be too distressing to continue with the towel? No more immodest than a kilt, you know. -Sorry. My pajamas are tailored. Would it be too distressing to continue with the towel? No more immodest than a kilt, you know. Do I have any other choice? -Do I have any other choice? Very sporting of you, Clayton. -Is that --? The only memento I ever kept. My original sketch for the Monster. -After dinner, if Hanna isn't back? Can we try a few more sketches? I thought you'd given up on my picture. -I thought you'd given up on my picture. I'd like to try again. If you're game. -I'd like to try again. If you're game. Why not? Give us something to do while we wait. -Tell me something, Clayton. Do you believe in mercy killing? Never gave it much thought. -Never gave it much thought. Come now. I'm sure you came across such situations in Korea. A wounded comrade, or perhaps one of the enemy? Someone for whom death would be a blessing. -I never made it to Korea. But you said -- -But you said -- -- that I was a Marine. Which is true. You filled in the rest. --- that I was a Marine. Which is true. You filled in the rest. I see. -My old man was a Marine. He enlisted the day he turned seventeen. The Great War? -The Great War? By the time he was ready to ship out, the fighting was over. He missed out. -By the time he was ready to ship out, the fighting was over. He missed out. A very lucky thing indeed. -A very lucky thing indeed. That's not the way he saw it. To him, it was like his life never got started. Nothing else really mattered. Definitely not his family. -The morning after Pearl Harbor, he drove down to St. Louis to reenlist. He was so damn excited. World War II was going to be his second chance. They told him he was too old...fat ...nearsighted. Said he'd be more use to his country if he stayed home and looked after his family. Is that why you joined the Marines? For your father's sake? -Is that why you joined the Marines? For your father's sake? I figured he'd think, you know -- it was the next best thing. Hey, I loved it too. A chance to be a part of something important. Something bigger than yourself. -I figured he'd think, you know -- it was the next best thing. Hey, I loved it too. A chance to be a part of something important. Something bigger than yourself. What happened? -What happened? I didn't have the guts for it. -You know what he did when I called him? He laughed. He laughed so hard he practically burst a blood vessel. Said it was a good lesson for me. Not to try to fill his shoes. I'm very sorry. -I'm very sorry. Them's the breaks, right? No war stories for this pup. -Them's the breaks, right? No war stories for this pup. That's where you're wrong, Clayton. You've just told one. A very good story indeed. -Do you mind? Not at all. -Storm's getting worse. """A perfect night for mystery and horror. The air itself is filled with monsters.""" -"""A perfect night for mystery and horror. The air itself is filled with monsters.""" "That's from your movie, right? ""The only monsters are here.""" -"That's from your movie, right? ""The only monsters are here.""" I don't remember that one. -I don't remember that one. James Whale. This afternoon at the party. -"I said it must be weird seeing your monsters again, and you said, ""The only monsters are here."" I was wondering which here you meant." I don't recall. Memories of the war, perhaps. -I don't recall. Memories of the war, perhaps. But that was so long ago. It can't still bother you. -But that was so long ago. It can't still bother you. Oh, but it does. Especially in light of the journey I'm about to make. -Oh, but it does. Especially in light of the journey I'm about to make. You're planning a trip? -Barnett. Barnett on the wire. Your friend? -Oh death where is thy sting-a-ling? Grave where thy victory? You survived it. It can't hurt you now. It's no good to dig it up. -You survived it. It can't hurt you now. It's no good to dig it up. Oh no, my friend. It's digging itself up. There is nothing in the here and now to take my mind off it. All my diversions have abandoned me. Parties. Reading. Painting. Work. Love. All gone to me now. -So it is going to happen after all. What'd you say? -No. It won't do. What won't do? -What won't do? You are much too human. -You are much too human. What did you expect? Bronze? -What did you expect? Bronze? Don't move. -Why? For the artistic effect. The combination of your human body and that inhuman mask. It's quite striking. -For the artistic effect. The combination of your human body and that inhuman mask. It's quite striking. I don't know. -I don't know. Please, Clayton. Just for a minute. Long enough for me to see the effect. -Please, Clayton. Just for a minute. Long enough for me to see the effect. It's from the first World War, isn't it? -It's from the first World War, isn't it? There are straps in back. -All right. Let's take it off now. What was that? -What was that? It's too tight. -Just take off the fucking mask! Relax, Clayton. I can't hear you. I can't hear a word. -I'm not that way. Get it through your fucking head. I don't want to mess with you. Oh, but you feel good, Clayton. -Wait until I tell my friends I had you naked in my arms. Won't they be surprised? I haven't done a damn thing with you! -I haven't done a damn thing with you! Oh, but you have. You undressed for me. I kissed you. I even touched your prick. How will you be able to live with yourself? -Break my neck. Or strangle me. It would be oh so easy to wrap your hands around my neck and choke the life out of me. Please, Clayton. We've come this far. You're crazy. -Look, if you want to die do it yourself! No, I don't want to die alone. But to be killed by you -- that would make death bearable. They say you never see the one with your name on it. But I want to see death coming at me. I want it to be sharp and hard, with a human face. Your face. Think, Clayton. You'd be my second Monster. Almost as famous as the first. It would be the great adventure you've yearned for. A war story for both of us to share. -You okay? Oh Clayton. -Oh Clayton. Did I hurt you? -Did I hurt you? Nothing I didn't deserve. -Nothing I didn't deserve. Need some help? -Need some help? Pray you, undo this button. -I can undress myself, thank you. All right. -When you die...be sure your brain is the last organ to fizzle -- You'll feel better tomorrow. -You'll feel better tomorrow. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow... -Boone! You awake? Eight o'clock. Fuck off! -Fuck off! You told me to get you up, asshole. -I'm up. Thanks. Hasta la vista, Boone. And give the jail bait a squeeze for me. -I liked it. You learn stuff listening to old-timers. You ever hear of this Whale fellow? -This kisser wasn't so bad you couldn't lay under it a few times. Ooooh. -You coming, Boone? I think I'll hang around. -Hey, Boone. Have a drink? -Can't say that I have. Can't say I've heard of a lot of people though. If you don't believe me, let's watch this movie. See if his name's on it. How about it, Harry? Can I watch my damn movie? -If you don't believe me, let's watch this movie. See if his name's on it. How about it, Harry? Can I watch my damn movie? I told you. I don't turn on the TV except for the fights. -Calm down, Clay. Just calm down. We'll watch it. Good. Fine. -You're like a dog with a bone over this movie, Clay. I just want to watch it, okay? -Sick stuff. Necrophilia. I wonder if they knew how sick they were. The Monster's lonely and he wants a friend, a girlfriend, somebody. What sick about that? -Go home, Clay. We're closing up. I thought I'd give you a hand since I kept you open. -Where's Betty? She took the night off. Heavy date. Some guy she's had her eye on for a while. -She tells me you haven't been sleeping well. It's the ridiculous pills they prescribe. If I take them, I spend the next day stupid as a stone. If I don't, my mind seems to go off in a hundred directions at once -- -It's the ridiculous pills they prescribe. If I take them, I spend the next day stupid as a stone. If I don't, my mind seems to go off in a hundred directions at once -- Then take the pills. -Then take the pills. I wanted to be alert for your visit today. Especially since I saw so little of you in the hospital. -I'm sorry, Jimmy. But with this movie and two difficult stars -- """The fault, dear David, is not in ourselves but in our stars.""" -"""The fault, dear David, is not in ourselves but in our stars.""" You remember how a production eats up one's life. -You remember how a production eats up one's life. Oh, David. There's no pleasure in making you feel guilty. You better go, my boy. You'll be late for that aeroplane. -By the way, I like the Renoir. Thank you. -Thank you. Goodbye, Hanna. -What are you doing here? Just what I was about to ask you. I thought you were in New York. -Just what I was about to ask you. I thought you were in New York. I was, until last night. Publicity asked me to fly Miss Taylor in for today's reception. -Should you be drinking in your condition? Oh, David, stop being a nanny. -You should have seen Georgie's face when he met Clayton. You didn't, Jimmy. -You didn't, Jimmy. I did. But Princess Margaret was a doll. We're all equals in her eyes. As commoners, I presume. -I did. But Princess Margaret was a doll. We're all equals in her eyes. As commoners, I presume. You only embarrass yourself. -You only embarrass yourself. Oh dear. I'll never work in this town again? -Oh dear. I'll never work in this town again? You know what I mean. Your reputation. -You know what I mean. Your reputation. But I have no reputation. I'm as free as the air. -But I have no reputation. I'm as free as the air. Well the rest of us aren't. Can't you remember that? -Well the rest of us aren't. Can't you remember that? No. I never could. You must regret having had the invitation sent. -I didn't ask George to invite you. Then who did? -Then who did? Jimmy, there are people here I need to speak to. You'll be fine on your own? -Jimmy, there are people here I need to speak to. You'll be fine on your own? Yes. Perfectly. -Yes. Perfectly. All right, then. I'll come by tomorrow for breakfast. -You're a lucky man, Mr. Whale. Whatever damage was done by your stroke, it left your motor abilities relatively unimpaired. Yes, yes, Dr. Payne. But from the neck up? What's my story there? -Yes, yes, Dr. Payne. But from the neck up? What's my story there? That's what I'm trying to explain. -The central nervous system selects items from a constant storm of sensations. Whatever was killed in your stroke appears to have short-circuited this mechanism. Parts of your brain now seem to be firing at random. You're saying there's an electrical storm in my head? -You're saying there's an electrical storm in my head? That's as good a way as any to describe it. I've seen far worse cases. You might even learn to enjoy these walks down memory lane. -That's as good a way as any to describe it. I've seen far worse cases. You might even learn to enjoy these walks down memory lane. But the rest of it? The killing headaches. The phantom smells. My inability to close my eyes without thinking a hundred things at once. It's all nothing more than bad electricity? -But the rest of it? The killing headaches. The phantom smells. My inability to close my eyes without thinking a hundred things at once. It's all nothing more than bad electricity? In a manner of speaking. I've never encountered the olfactory hallucinations, but I'm sure they're related. -In a manner of speaking. I've never encountered the olfactory hallucinations, but I'm sure they're related. So what do I do? -So what do I do? Take the Luminal to sleep, or whenever you feel an attack coming on. -Take the Luminal to sleep, or whenever you feel an attack coming on. You seem to be saying that this isn't just a case of resting until I'm better. That my condition will continue to deteriorate until the end of my life. -My God. Is the audience to presume that Colin and I have done her hair? I thought we were mad scientists, not hairdressers. Only a mad scientist could do this to a woman. -Only a mad scientist could do this to a woman. Oh no, my dear. You look absolutely amazing. There's no way I can compete with you. The scene is yours. -Oh no, my dear. You look absolutely amazing. There's no way I can compete with you. The scene is yours. In the sequel, James, two lady scientists should make a monster. And our monster would be Gary Cooper. -In the sequel, James, two lady scientists should make a monster. And our monster would be Gary Cooper. I would've thought Mr. Leslie Howard would be more your line. -I would've thought Mr. Leslie Howard would be more your line. More your line. -More your line. My line nowadays runs to Rin Tin Tin. Dogs are so much more dependable than men. -Uh-oh. The way you look at me, James. What have you done this time? Bring a mirror. Let the Bride feast upon her visage. -Bring a mirror. Let the Bride feast upon her visage. Boris? Do I look a fright? -And you said there'd be some of me left. Nobody's going to know me in this getup. Nonsense, my dear. You look extraordinary. Today's script. Quick. And a pencil. -Jimmy. How are you? Elsa? -I saw Una O'Conner a few weeks ago. She said you'd been under the weather. Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Growing old. -Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Growing old. We're all getting a bit long in the tooth. -We're all getting a bit long in the tooth. But you appear quite fresh, my dear. -Please. You shouldn't stand on my account. Perfectly all right. But if you'd like to sit -- -Perfectly all right. But if you'd like to sit -- I'm fine, Jimmy. I can only stay a few minutes. -I'm fine, Jimmy. I can only stay a few minutes. Of course. -Of course. What's our pesky friend up to now? -Is that Boris? Our little chum appears to be arranging a reunion. Oh dear. -We'll be in touch, Jimmy. Good-bye. So nice to see you... -Hanna? Who's the new yardman? Bone? Boom? Something Bee. I hire him while you were in the hospital. He came cheap. -There is iced tea, Hanna? Cucumber sandwiches? Yes, Mr. Jimmy. An interview. After so many years. Very exciting. -Yes, Mr. Jimmy. An interview. After so many years. Very exciting. Don't be daft. It's just a student from the university. -Mr. Kay, sir. Yes? -Which ones? I bring them all. Luminal. -You must think I'm terrible, Hanna. I do not think you anything anymore. Just back from the hospital and already you are chasing after boys. -I do not think you anything anymore. Just back from the hospital and already you are chasing after boys. Oh shut up. All we did was talk. My attack had nothing to do with him. -Oh shut up. All we did was talk. My attack had nothing to do with him. Perhaps we should get you uphill before the pills knock you cold. -Perhaps we should get you uphill before the pills knock you cold. No. Let me lie here. Thank you. -How are you feeling, Mr. Jimmy? How is your mind today? My mind's lovely. And yours? -You remember what the doctor tells us. Yes, yes, yes. I merely invited Mr. Boone in for a glass of tea. We'll have a brief chat and he'll finish the yard. -Yes, yes, yes. I merely invited Mr. Boone in for a glass of tea. We'll have a brief chat and he'll finish the yard. I am not forgetting your last brief chat. -I am not forgetting your last brief chat. Just go. We can manage without you. -He looks plenty big. You won't need my help if anything goes flooey. Go. -Oh, that monster. How could you be working with him? Don't be silly, Hanna. He's a very proper actor. And the dullest fellow imaginable. -He is not going to kill the old man? No, Hanna. My heart isn't that black. -She is horrible. She is beautiful. -You will take them all, Mr. Jimmy? I'll be fine, Hanna. Thank you. -I'll be fine, Hanna. Thank you. Good night. -Does the yardman come today? Of course. This afternoon. -Who was that at the door? A visitor. -Mr. Boone. He is an interesting friend. I'd hardly call our yardman a friend. -I'd hardly call our yardman a friend. No. But someone you can talk to. -Do you miss having someone to talk to, Hanna? I have my family. Also our Lord Jesus Christ. -I have my family. Also our Lord Jesus Christ. Of course. How is the old boy these days? -It needs a hat. There was a wide-brimmed cream fedora... It must be up in your old room. I will look. -That is my daughter. She say she and her husband are coming to town this afternoon. I am sorry, Mr. Jimmy. I will make it short. I'll be out this afternoon, remember? Your family can visit as long as they like. -I'll be out this afternoon, remember? Your family can visit as long as they like. No. I do not cook for them. My daughter's no-good husband will not take one bite of our food. -Mr. Whale, this is such an honor. You're one of my favorite all-time directors. I can't believe I'm meeting you. No. I expect you can't. -No. I expect you can't. And this is your house. Wow. The house of Frankenstein. I thought you'd live in a spooky old mansion or villa. -And this is your house. Wow. The house of Frankenstein. I thought you'd live in a spooky old mansion or villa. One likes to live simply. -One likes to live simply. I know. People's movies aren't their lives. -"That's my favorite line in my favorite movie of yours. ""Bride of Frankenstein.""" Is it now? Hanna? I think we'll take our tea down by the swimming pool. -Will that be good for you, Mr. Kay? Sure. -Sure. After you then. -This is the studio where I paint. Nice. And your lighting and camera angles. You're got to go back to German silent movies to find anything like it. -So, Mr. Kay? What do you want to know? Everything. Start at the beginning. -Everything. Start at the beginning. I was born outside London, the only son of a minister who was a master at Harrow. Grandfather was a bishop. Church of...Church of Eng... -Yes? Your father was a schoolmaster? -Your father was a schoolmaster? Of course. I attended Eton -- it wouldn't do for a master's son to attend where his father taught. I was to go up to Oxford but the war broke out and I never made it. The Great War, you know. You had a Good War, but we had a great one. -"There was one play in particular, a beautiful, grim study of war called ""Journey's End"". Every experienced director turned it down, so I offered myself, bullying and begging for the job. ""Journey's End"" made the careers of everyone associated with it. It was only a matter of time until Hollywood beckoned." "How much longer before we get to ""Frankenstein""?" -"How much longer before we get to ""Frankenstein""?" Am I correct in assuming, Mr. Kay, that it's not me you're interested in, only my horror pictures? -Am I correct in assuming, Mr. Kay, that it's not me you're interested in, only my horror pictures? Oh no, I want to hear everything. You made twenty pictures in all -- -Oh no, I want to hear everything. You made twenty pictures in all -- Twenty-one. The romantic comedies and dramas were much more to my liking. The horror pictures were trifles. Grand guignol for the masses. -Twenty-one. The romantic comedies and dramas were much more to my liking. The horror pictures were trifles. Grand guignol for the masses. But it's the horror movies you'll be remembered for. -I am not dead yet, Mr. Kay. No. I never said you were. Or will be soon. -I have a proposal, Mr. Kay. This mode of questioning is getting old, don't you think? I don't mind. -I don't mind. Let's make it more interesting. I will answer any question you ask. But, for each answer, you must remove one article of clothing. -That's funny, Mr. Whale. It is, isn't it? My life as a game of strip poker. Shall we play? -It is, isn't it? My life as a game of strip poker. Shall we play? You're serious. -You're serious. Quite. -Quite. Then the rumors are true? -Then the rumors are true? What rumors might those be? -What rumors might those be? That you were forced to retire because, uh -- a sex scandal. -That you were forced to retire because, uh -- a sex scandal. A homosexual scandal, you mean? For me to answer a question of that magnitude, you'll have to remove both your shoes and your socks. -Too warm for a sweater, anyway. You must understand how Hollywood was twenty years ago. Nobody cared a tinker's cuss who slept with whom, so long as you kept it out of the papers. Outside of Hollywood, who knows who George Cukor is, much less what he does with those boys from the malt shops along Santa Monica? -"George Cukor? Who made ""A Star Is Born""? I never guessed." Take off your vest and I'll tell you a story. -Don't be shy. There's time to stop before you go too far. I guess. -Can we talk about the horror movies now? Certainly, Mr. Kay. Is there anything in particular you want to know? -Certainly, Mr. Kay. Is there anything in particular you want to know? "Will you tell me everything you remember about making ""Frankenstein""?" -Can that count as one question? Of course. -Of course. I can't believe I'm doing this. -Just like going swimming, isn't it? Maybe you'd like a swim when we're through. I never swim myself, so the pool tends to go to waste. -Maybe you'd like a swim when we're through. I never swim myself, so the pool tends to go to waste. "Okay. ""Frankenstein."" Tell me everything." -"Okay. ""Frankenstein."" Tell me everything." Righto. Let me see. -Universal wanted me for another story, and wanted me so baldly -- I mean badly, not baldly. I was given the pick of stories being developed, and I picked that one. Who came up with the Monster's makeup and look? -Who came up with the Monster's makeup and look? My idea. Muchly. My sketches. Big heavy brow. Head flat on top so they could take out the old brain and put in the new, like tinned beef. -My idea. Muchly. My sketches. Big heavy brow. Head flat on top so they could take out the old brain and put in the new, like tinned beef. He's one of the great images of the twentieth century. As important as the Mona Lisa. -He's one of the great images of the twentieth century. As important as the Mona Lisa. You think so? That's very kind -- -Mr. Whale? Are you all right? I just need to -- lie down. Studio. Daybed in studio. -Oh my God. What's wrong, Mr. Whale? Is it your heart? Head. Not heart. -I was going to take a swim. I'm sorry I spoiled it for you. You should probably go home. -I'm sorry I spoiled it for you. You should probably go home. Right. -Mr....Kay? Bet you thought you'd never see me again. I didn't know if you'd be well enough to come to this party. -Bet you thought you'd never see me again. I didn't know if you'd be well enough to come to this party. You didn't? -You didn't? I'm the one who got you on Mr. Cukor's guest list. -I'm the one who got you on Mr. Cukor's guest list. You, Mr. Kay? How do you know George Cukor? -You, Mr. Kay? How do you know George Cukor? I interviewed him after I met you. I'm his social secretary now. Well, assistant to his secretary. -I interviewed him after I met you. I'm his social secretary now. Well, assistant to his secretary. I commend you. If you're going to pursue poofs, go after those who can do favors for you. You waste everybody's time when you court dinosaurs. -I commend you. If you're going to pursue poofs, go after those who can do favors for you. You waste everybody's time when you court dinosaurs. Don't think that, Mr. Whale. I love your movies. That's why I wanted you to come to this. So I could see you with your monsters. -Don't think that, Mr. Whale. I love your movies. That's why I wanted you to come to this. So I could see you with your monsters. My monsters? -My monsters? Don't go away. -How are you? Fine. Quite fine. And Your Royal Highness? -Fine. Quite fine. And Your Royal Highness? Splendid. Now that I know you're around. -Can we get together while I'm in town? I so badly want to sit for you again. Sit? -Sit? I've changed my hair, you see. Since our last session. Those old snaps look rather dowdy now. -Oh dear. Have I made a blunder? Ma'am, the pleasure is all mine. James Whale. -Ma'am, the pleasure is all mine. James Whale. I am such a goose. I mistook you for Cecil Beaton. It's the hat. You're wearing one of Cecil's hats, you know. -How's the leg? Only hurts when I breathe. Lookit you. Where are Barney Fife and Aunt Bea hanging out? And Opie ... Where's Opie at? -What are you doing here? Is there someplace we can talk? -What about? About your brother. And the deeeep shit he's in -- -It's been a long time, Memphis -- Six years ... -Six years ... Six years. Shit. Time flies, don't it? Six years ago we were fartin' through Armani and pissin' Cristal. Now look at us ... -Six years. Shit. Time flies, don't it? Six years ago we were fartin' through Armani and pissin' Cristal. Now look at us ... Tell me about Kip - -He took a job. And he fumbled it. Now he's jammed-up. Jammed-up bad... What kind of job... ? -What kind of job... ? A boost. A big boost ... -A boost. A big boost ... A boost? What's Kip doing on a boost? -It seems she neglected to mention it Maybe she don't know. Although I don't see how that could be. Maybe she didn't want to upset you - -Maybe she don't know. Although I don't see how that could be. Maybe she didn't want to upset you - Don't feel the need to explore my family dynamics, Atley... -Don't feel the need to explore my family dynamics, Atley... The point is: Kip's been living the life. Only he's a wild child. Crazy. Makes our old behavior seem like altar boy time. But he fungold this one so bad, folks around L.B. are already speakin' about him in the past tense. -Who was the job for? Who do you think? -Car-jacker. Neglected to clean up after himself ... Jesus ... -Jesus ... The business has changed... -What's with the fish thing -- ? We can learn something from our Asian friends. They smoke a thousand cigarettes a day; they're completely stressed and overworked; they drink like, well ... -We can learn something from our Asian friends. They smoke a thousand cigarettes a day; they're completely stressed and overworked; they drink like, well ... Fish. -Fish. And they still have the lowest rate of cancer of anywhere in the world. You know why? All they eat is seafood. -And they still have the lowest rate of cancer of anywhere in the world. You know why? All they eat is seafood. "Also, never underestimate the restorative powers of ""Karaoke.""" -"Also, never underestimate the restorative powers of ""Karaoke.""" I do a poaching number. Six-ounce fillets in a saucepan of brine. In 8 minutes, I could cater a goddamn wedding. Plain but flavorful. And it's a good way to show off my Hollandaise sauce ... -I do a poaching number. Six-ounce fillets in a saucepan of brine. In 8 minutes, I could cater a goddamn wedding. Plain but flavorful. And it's a good way to show off my Hollandaise sauce ... You have a Hollandaise sauce ? -You have a Hollandaise sauce ? I do ... Christ, what happened to us ? -I do ... Christ, what happened to us ? Speak for yourself, boss I don't have a Hollandaise sauce -Speak for yourself, boss I don't have a Hollandaise sauce No, but you dress like an asshole ... -I think about that night a lot... Me, too. Every time I walk... -Me, too. Every time I walk... How they were just there ... Waiting on us ... The fix was definitely in ... -Yeah -- ? Yeah Tell him to lay off Kip and them Tell him it's on -Jesus, man ... What'd you do? "My version of ""take this job and shove it...""" -"My version of ""take this job and shove it...""" Are you crazy? You throw down with The Carpenter? You got a grudge against your life? -Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead, right? Point-five ... -Randall Raines ... It's been a long time ... frowns) 'though I do I recall you as a man with style. You remember your old friend, Atley -- ? How ya doing? -It's about my brother ... Kip... Yes ... Kip ... -Now. Where were we? Oh, yes. Kip. I don't want him hurt... -My point. Yes. Simple, really. I require the best. I insist on the best. I only engage the best. Your brother. His friends. They came to me. They wanted my paper. He was your brother. You were the best. Now. They've brought so much goddamn heat down, I may not be able to fill this order. Which would be very bad for me. Which in turn, is very bad for them... I could kill you. That occurred to me. When I first heard about this. That I would kill you ... -I could kill you. That occurred to me. When I first heard about this. That I would kill you ... Grow up. You don't kill people like me. People like me die in their sleep at 87 ... Do you know why? Because if you did kill me, and everyone knew it was you - for the next ten years they'd be finding pieces of those you love scattered all over California ... -I can come up with the front money. Pay you back... Were it only that easy. I have obligations. The order needs to be filled... -They gave you only four days? They gave me two weeks. I wasted most of it with your brother and his crew, who not only lost what pitiful few they managed to boost, but also alerted the heat as to our endeavor, making this even more difficult to achieve ... -I'm not interested -- I knew you'd say that. -I knew you'd say that. I'm just here about my brother. -I'm just here about my brother. I knew you'd say that, too -- -Sound it out for me. Your brother has four days. Fifty cars. Five-zero. For that he gets 200 large ... -Your brother has four days. Fifty cars. Five-zero. For that he gets 200 large ... And if he doesn't make it -- ? -I don't want them hurt. Any of 'em... """don't want"" the Dodgers to lose or the summer to end. But we don't get to choose these things..." -This is how you're spending my time? Having a sock hop? Everyone know Ray Calitri? Pillar of the community ... -Everyone know Ray Calitri? Pillar of the community ... Look at this. A multi-generational gathering of scumbags ... -Get out of here, Ray -- One more night -- -One more night -- Get out -- -Get out -- I hope you know what you're doing. God help you if you don't ... -Well, well. You've caused quite a ruckus ... This is number 50. We did it. It's over Where's the money ? -This is number 50. We did it. It's over Where's the money ? Right there - -You should never have gotten my brother and his friends involved ... But I had to. It was the only way to get to you -- -Well, now, he's clear. And you'll stay away from him... I don't know about that, Randall. He did such a good job on this paper. And another one just came in ... -Well, that certainly won't do. What do you mean -- ? -What do you mean -- ? Look at it. I can't very well make delivery of that thing ... -Look at it. I can't very well make delivery of that thing ... You got no choice. It's over. -You got no choice. It's over. Fifty cars. Fifty cars by 8 AM Friday. Or Kip goes in that box. That was the deal ... Goddamn, it ... That was the deal ... -Good. Cos you know how it plays. Six years ago, I let you go free. But the next time ... The next time sends you away for'a long, long while ... By the time you get out, asshole, there won't even be cars. We'll all be cruisin' around in space ships ... -They just brought in Donny Astricky. Shot by a jacker ... How is he? -How is he? He'll live. But it means your boy's behind it. Astricky was holding a list. They just faxed it to us... -Let's get out there. And have them run down every 167 Shelby Mustang in the area ... Find out where they're at. What for? -What for? You spend enough time down a man's throat, you get to know his tonsils. Do it ... -I know you -- You know my back - -You know my back - You want to come along quiet? -You want to come along quiet? How's Atley -- ? -How's Atley -- ? Leg's all banged-up. He made a stupid play ... He'll limp around the yard up at Folsom. But Astricky will be there to take care of him. With their priors, they're looking at a serious bounce -- -Leg's all banged-up. He made a stupid play ... He'll limp around the yard up at Folsom. But Astricky will be there to take care of him. With their priors, they're looking at a serious bounce -- Let them go -- -Let them go -- How's that? -How's that? Let them go. And I'll leave ... -Let them go. And I'll leave ... You'll leave -- ? -You'll leave -- ? You don't have anything on me. A misdee auto-theft. I got no record. I'll be out in three days, and back at it. Or you let them go, and I give you my word. I'm gone. And without the ringleader ... Your tee-times have just grown exponentially... -You don't have anything on me. A misdee auto-theft. I got no record. I'll be out in three days, and back at it. Or you let them go, and I give you my word. I'm gone. And without the ringleader ... Your tee-times have just grown exponentially... I don't golf... -You have my word... Get out of here, then. Now. -I know you. You know my back. -I remember us having made some kind of deal, Randall. I don't remember this deal having some kind of time-limit. I look at you - here - in my town - and I'm confused... A little family emergency -- -A little family emergency -- I hope it's not your dear sweet mother... -I hope it's not your dear sweet mother... No... -No... Or your baby brother. What was his name? -Or your baby brother. What was his name? Kip. -Kip. Yes, Kip. Short for Kipling. Named for the English writer of stories about India ... He bites into his pear ... Memphis says nothing, waits ... -And this has what to do with me? I don't know. But you shouldn't be here. Take care of your business. I'll give you 24 hours. And then I don't want to see your face. Ever again. Make a fool of me once, that's my bad. Make a fool of me twice. That's really my bad, and I'll kick your ass from here to India ... -I know you. You know my back. -You know my back. What are you still doing here, Randall? -What are you still doing here, Randall? Stopped by to see Otto. Say hello. -You're thinking: okay, there's no want ... But they probably stripped its guts and crated 'em up, right ... ? Something like that - -It's funny. There's probably been five more cars stolen in the time I've been here ... I don't think so, Detective ... -I'm on the move - Your girl works in there ... -Your girl works in there ... Not my girl anymore -Not my girl anymore Yet your still here ... I gave you 24 hours, 24 hours ago ... -Yet your still here ... I gave you 24 hours, 24 hours ago ... What do you want from me? -What do you want from me? Honestly? I want to - once every few months - get into my car. Pack a lunch. And drive on up to Chino. On visiting day. Bring you some magazines. Maybe some almond clusters. And see you all bright and shiny in your orange jumpsuit. That's what I want ... -I know you. You know my back. -I want you gone, Randall. Settle your affairs. Make it right with those you love. Hell, take 'em with you. But I want you out of here. Out of here for good this time ... Consider me gone, Detective -- -Consider me gone, Detective -- I'll catch you later, Randall -- -I'll catch you later, Randall -- Double-meaning intended -- -Double-meaning intended -- You betcha -- -Who is it -- ? Castlebeck. -What's this -- ? Cadillac. -What's wrong with it -- ? Needs brightening ... -No faith in our new-found goodness, Detective ...? Sure. But sometimes we got to create some numbers. The task force is run by statistics, you know ... -Okay, then. I'll catch you later, Randall ... Double-meaning intended, right? -Double-meaning intended, right? Right ... -When'd you get to town, Raines? The other day.... -The other day.... What for? -What for? No particular reason. Catch a Laker game. I heard we got Shaquille ... -No particular reason. Catch a Laker game. I heard we got Shaquille ... Where you been, anyway? -Where you been, anyway? Just out there. Roaming around. Building up my collection of refrigerator magnets ... -Just out there. Roaming around. Building up my collection of refrigerator magnets ... You seem a little hinked-up ... -You seem a little hinked-up ... Not at all ... -How'd it go? Keys were in it ... -Keys were in it ... Well, that defies the point, don't it? -It just ain't happening -- You'll get the hang of it, kid. You just need to remember one thing - -You'll get the hang of it, kid. You just need to remember one thing - What's that? -I guess ... You got a school teacher or Nancy from accounting, you don't put on Sly Stone or James Brown. You put on Ravel. Rachmaninoff. But if you got some wild one you just picked up at the track, you wouldn't put on Cat Stevens or James Taylor. You'd put on Prince. Or Isaac Hayes. Or, if you really wanted to get after it: Miles. -You got a school teacher or Nancy from accounting, you don't put on Sly Stone or James Brown. You put on Ravel. Rachmaninoff. But if you got some wild one you just picked up at the track, you wouldn't put on Cat Stevens or James Taylor. You'd put on Prince. Or Isaac Hayes. Or, if you really wanted to get after it: Miles. okay ... -okay ... It's the same way with cars. Different cars. Different tunes. You can't steal a Maserati listening to Sinatra. You gotta get urgent. You gotta get Sonny Rollins or Led Zeppelin IV, on that shit. But never, never-ever take no Allman Brothers into a Lincoln Town Car. Could lead to disaster. Got it... ? -It's the same way with cars. Different cars. Different tunes. You can't steal a Maserati listening to Sinatra. You gotta get urgent. You gotta get Sonny Rollins or Led Zeppelin IV, on that shit. But never, never-ever take no Allman Brothers into a Lincoln Town Car. Could lead to disaster. Got it... ? Got it ... -Got it ... Good. -Diane 1. Very good. Think you can get in without waking her up -- ? -Very good. Think you can get in without waking her up -- ? Yeah. -Yeah. That's an after-market alarm. Can't just cut her wires ... -What's the matter? It's all microchips and shit ... -It's all microchips and shit ... Yeah? -"So? Tell me: how come they call you ""Freb"" anyways -- ?" C'mon, man ... -C'mon, man ... We're partners here -- -You ever feel bad about any of this? Of course not. I'm Robin Hood. I take from the rich, and give to the needy... -Of course not. I'm Robin Hood. I take from the rich, and give to the needy... You mean the poor -- -You mean the poor -- No. The needy. Us. Cos we need this car! -Donny -- Donny-nothin'! -C'mon, Donny... Let's go, man -- Lazy ... Lazy ... I ask you, Freb: what's the matter with kids today? -Lookit Kip. All grown up... Hey, Donny -- -You guys have any skills at all? Hell, yeah. Mirror Man here is our electronics expert. He's got some gadgets you old farts maybe never -heard of; Tumbler can drive anything with wheels, and some things without; Toby's a hacker, can do things with a computer, that are pretty amazing ... -What about him? Freb can order pizzas like nobody's business -For real. Okay. Gimme COLUMBO... Peugot convertible ... -Peugot convertible ... What color? -What color? Gray. -No. That was Higgins .... Jonathan Quayle Higgins ... -Damn. Memphis Raines. Long time ... How you doing, man? -How you doing, man? All I get are the Orientals. They can build 'em, but they can't drive 'em So? What are you doing here? What's with the outfit -- ? -All I get are the Orientals. They can build 'em, but they can't drive 'em So? What are you doing here? What's with the outfit -- ? You know where the others are? -Forget that ... Okay. Figure it forgotten. What's this about anyways -- ? -Most of 'em are late-model... That's right. Only 10 exotics ... -That's right. Only 10 exotics ... We'll have to start beating the bushes, find out where they live... -Wow! They got Eleanor here -- ? I know. Weird, huh -- ? -"Eleanor is Memphis' ""unicorn.""" And there she is -- -How's it going -- ? It's arright ... -I miss Orville Redenbacher already -- Okay, okay. The important thing to remember, is to Think Slow. Take your time. It may not seem like it, but the night is long. Long enough. Just think slow and think smart... -A bunch of strung-out hypes and stick- up men. This ain't like the old days, Memphis. The profession has lost its.. Dignity... -Dignity... Yeah... -We're on a truncated time-table. Take a day to shop it; a day to prep it ... And we're still going to need to expand the crew... There's no one left ... -There's no one left ... We've got several Italian cars on the list. Always tricky, always timeconsuming. So we're gonna need a specialist ... -Jesus. The whole damn thing's loaded. one minute -- ! -Yes, I do, in fact. John Wayne in McO... That's being obscurest ... Who else? Better known. Memphis? -Walked like a bastard... Skippin' stones and shit.. That's a good one, Donny... -That's a good one, Donny... I think so too -- -The corner of Hawthorne and Granvia. Tumbler messed up. He said the Lotus would be at the corner of Hawthorne and Granvia -- He didn't mess up. There it is ... -How are we supposed to-- Pop the trunk. I need my tool ... -Any word, Kip -- ? No ... And they won't take my calls ... -No ... And they won't take my calls ... What does that mean -- ? -What does that mean -- ? "It ain't what you'd call a ""good sign""" -That can't be it. Cos we don't need saving We don't -- ? -How you know that? Remember who my brother is? -Okay, okay. What about MAGNUM P.I.? Thanks for playing, Freb. That's a gimme ... -You look good... You, too, Ma... -You, too, Ma... What are you doing back? -What are you doing back? How's Kip? -Have you seen him? No. -No. oh. -oh. Atley Jackson came to see me ... -Atley Jackson came to see me ... Atley Jackson. How is that one? How's the leg... ? -Why didn't you tell me? I couldn't. I didn't want you to worry. I thought held sort himself out. I hardly see him. He comes and goes. He's in trouble, isn't he? -I couldn't. I didn't want you to worry. I thought held sort himself out. I hardly see him. He comes and goes. He's in trouble, isn't he? He's in some trouble ... -He's in some trouble ... I knew it. He's changed, Randall. He's a different boy. He's lost that... That sweetness ... It's gone ... And I don't know what to do ... -I knew it. He's changed, Randall. He's a different boy. He's lost that... That sweetness ... It's gone ... And I don't know what to do ... You getting my checks ... ? -You getting my checks ... ? Of course ... -He doesn't return my calls. or my letters ... Kipling was sixteen when you left, baby. I don't know what you remember of him. But you should brace yourself -The photo album. I get nostalgic around this time of year ... What time of year? -What time of year? Tuesdays ... -You ever wonder what things'd be like if he hadn't died? Every day. I wonder about that every day... -Every day. I wonder about that every day... Kip and I'd probably be working at the dealership... Imagine us selling cars? -And just in case you lose your keys, good sir, I can toss in a complimentary slim-jim, free of charge ... Mother -- ! -I remember. Supper getting cold, cos you two are out there heads under hoods ... You remember that, Kip? -I know... We do it. He'll get clear Once and for all -D.W.P. Thanks for holding. How can I help you? I got a message. I live at 1443 Locklin. -I got a message. I live at 1443 Locklin. Yes. can you hold, sir -- ? -Yes. can you hold, sir -- ? NO! No, I can't! I'm a busy man. -okay, sir. Let me just get the-order. Yes. We'll be doing some work out your way. We've got a power leak. And it's unsafe. We're moving residences to the... Marriott Long Beach ... Just for the night ... Oh, for God's sake -Oh, for God's sake I know, sir ... -Breakfast brunch -- ? Yes, sir - -Okay, then ... I just go to the Marriott and I'm set ... You've been pre-booked... -Any more, O -- ? You guys are through... -You guys are through... Whatcha got left ... ? -Whatcha got left ... ? """Carol."" A 198 Mercedes ... She lives in the suburbs ..." -"""Carol."" A 198 Mercedes ... She lives in the suburbs ..." We'll take it... -We'll take it... It's ear-marked for Mirror Man and The Sphinx... -It's ear-marked for Mirror Man and The Sphinx... We'll take it. -Hey, Kip, what's up? What do you say, Toby?, -What do you say, Toby?, I'm cool - -You goin' home? Yeah... You want a ride... -Yeah... You want a ride... Sure - -Sure - How'd you get here? Your Moms give you ride -- ? -How'd you get here? Your Moms give you ride -- ? Hell, no. I boosted a 'Vette. -Hell, no. I boosted a 'Vette. You boosted a 'Vette? Then where is it? -You boosted a 'Vette? Then where is it? I dunno. It was right here. Someone musta' boosted it back... -I dunno. It was right here. Someone musta' boosted it back... Damn crooks is everywhere -- -It looks just like a regular Mustang -- Don't go there, Toby -- -Any more ... I dunno ... -No... What am I supposed to do? -Jesus, Kip ... I'm shot, man ... Just hold on... Hold on ... -Hey, Kip ... Hello, Memphis -- -It's good to see ya, man. You changed your look - You, too -Kip -- ? Yeah ... -Yeah ... You all right -- ? -You all right -- ? I think so. There's things I can't feel right now. Like my feet. But ... You think you can get me outta this, Memphis? I'd appreciate it - -I think so. There's things I can't feel right now. Like my feet. But ... You think you can get me outta this, Memphis? I'd appreciate it - Just hold-on there -- -This has nothing to do with any of that -- Oh. You maybe have more than one enemy who owns a car-crusher -- ? -Oh. You maybe have more than one enemy who owns a car-crusher -- ? All my enemies own car crushers. It's like a pre-requisite ... Owwww... -All my enemies own car crushers. It's like a pre-requisite ... Owwww... Easy ... Take it easy ... We're almost there... -You okay -- ? Totally. I'm fine. You want a beer, man -- ? -Totally. I'm fine. You want a beer, man -- ? Sure -- -You sure you're okay -- ? Yeah, man. Where is your beer? -Cool. So you're living up North? Yeah - -Yeah - I heard you were pumping gas - -I heard you were pumping gas - Something like that - -Something like that - You're kind of cultivating a new look. -You're kind of cultivating a new look. Yeah -- -Nah. It's a scratch. Okay -- -Hey, you want something to eat ? What do you got ... ? -There's certainly a time and a place for a mellow olive - Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm thinking -- -So what are you gonna do? About what? -About what? """About what?""" -"""About what?""" About Calitri? No worries, man. I'll call him. He's a reasonable dude ... -About Calitri? No worries, man. I'll call him. He's a reasonable dude ... I can see that - -What happened to you? What? -You just got crushed in a car. You're bleeding all over your self. And you sit there - eating olives and talking basketball, as if, at this very moment, people weren't plotting your demise ... "C'mon, man... My ""demise..."" Overreaction" -"C'mon, man... My ""demise..."" Overreaction" """Over--"" You know - I can maybe understand, since I been gone, you taking up this dumb-ass life of crime, and for that I can partly blame myself. But what is baffling to me, is how, since I been gone, you've become a complete and total moron--" -"""Over--"" You know - I can maybe understand, since I been gone, you taking up this dumb-ass life of crime, and for that I can partly blame myself. But what is baffling to me, is how, since I been gone, you've become a complete and total moron--" Hey, now - -Hey, now - He's gonna kill you -- ! -He's gonna kill you -- ! I can handle it -- -I can handle it -- You can handle it? -You can handle it? I can handle it -- -I can handle it -- You can handle it? -You can handle it? I can handle it -- -I can handle it -- You? -You? Me. -Me. You? -You? Me... -You don't think so, huh? Not really ... But you know... Maybe I'm wrong ... -What are you doing here? Otto called - -We do this. Then. You're finished. Then. You're clean I like how you wallop back in here - after four years - and can still get all Clifford Huxtable on my shit ... -I like how you wallop back in here - after four years - and can still get all Clifford Huxtable on my shit ... You hear me? -You hear me? I hear ya. Get me outta this. I'll move to the country. Open a fruit stand... -You spread it out ... you move around... So's they can't touch you... so's they don't know... Shadow games and shit ... """Shadow games?""" -"""Shadow games?""" Shadow games ... -Shadow games ... You spread it out, by the 2nd night, the heat are onto you. Know something's up. With a one-night boost, by the time all the cars are reported stolen, your ship's set sail. -Reads the infrared. Then kills it. Little something the R & D department came up with ... How long were you gonna let me try and stop it...? -How long were you gonna let me try and stop it...? After a while, it became a little pathetic ... Figured I'd put you out of your misery ... -After a while, it became a little pathetic ... Figured I'd put you out of your misery ... Thank-you ... -Thank-you ... De nada ... -Ain't we good-timing here ... ? The family that steals together, deals together... -The family that steals together, deals together... Dad'd be proud -- -Dad'd be proud -- Maybe not. But Dad was from another era... -Maybe not. But Dad was from another era... What era was that -- ? -What era was that -- ? The era when crime didn't pay -- -The era when crime didn't pay -- As opposed to now, Kid Car Crusher? -As opposed to now, Kid Car Crusher? Price of doing business... -Price of doing business... What about just getting a job, 9 to 5, five days a week, that whole mystery achievement -- ? -What about just getting a job, 9 to 5, five days a week, that whole mystery achievement -- ? "It's for assholes. The Legal Buck blows, Memphis. You know that. Doing this, we make mad bank, my boys are down, the girlies come around and the boosts are a breeze. Yeah, sure, you're gonna get jacked-up every now and then - but ain't that a small price to pay for never, never-ever, having to say ""paper or plastic?""" -Having fun, Kip? Hell, yeah... It's a beautiful business ... I mean, no, man, it's hard, it's scary, it sucks ... -You okay -- ? I'm cool. -Too early to tell. Nervous? Nah. -Nah. That's strange. I'm nervous. Donny's nervous. Everyone's nervous. But not you... -That's strange. I'm nervous. Donny's nervous. Everyone's nervous. But not you... I dunno. Whatever will be will be... -I dunno. Whatever will be will be... That's a good attitude, Kip. For everything but stealing cars ... -What did I tell you? What? What did I tell you? I don't know. What -- ? -Come here -- What? -What? Come here - -Come here - What? -What? Come here - -I've missed you, man ... I know. I've missed you, too -Toby... I know ... -I know ... Toby... -What are you doing here? I saw her get smashed-up on the TV. Knew there was no way he was gonna accept her ... -I saw her get smashed-up on the TV. Knew there was no way he was gonna accept her ... Where'd you find this one? -Where'd you find this one? "Ya gotta keep tabs on your ""Eleanors"", Memphis. Cos you never know when you're gonna need one --" -"Ya gotta keep tabs on your ""Eleanors"", Memphis. Cos you never know when you're gonna need one --" You boost her -- ? -You boost her -- ? Hell, yeah. She's not my unicorn. -Hell, yeah. She's not my unicorn. Move over ... -You okay -- ? I dunno ... I keep thinking about him. -You remember where you got this Eleanor -- ? Sure, man -- -Sure, man -- She's for sale. They're asking forty thousand. Give 'em sixty ... -You want me to buy her? Shocking, huh? We're clear now. It's done. I've never actually paid for a car. I want to see what it feels like -Where you off to -- ? Thought I'd go for a ride - -Thirteen down ... Thirty-seven to go ... No problem - -But don't worry, man. Things are all sweetness and light here... Things are all leafy and suburban ... -Pop the trunk, Tumbler. What for -- ? -What for -- ? I gotta get my tool -- -Now what -- ? Now, we go - -Shit ... Run it... -What are we gonna do -- ? Hospital. -Hospital. We can't do that, dude -- -He give you an advance -- ? Hell, yeah. Ten larger man -You know of one -- ? Yeah. He's knows of one all right. -Take it back, Freb -- Hey, now, Memphis... C'mon, man - -Okay. We're all here. Today's Wednesday. D-Day is Friday night ... That gives us two days to prep ... We're going to find the ladies on our list, find out where they live, when they're home; that they're properly insured ... Let's get into the vans -- Where we going -- ? -Where we going -- ? We're going shopping -- ! -Jim Rockford. ROCKFORD FILES. For real? -How's it going? It's going fine. The Quiet Riot and me are swapping trade secrets ... -Call 911 - Call 'em here -- ? -Call 'em here -- ? DO IT! NOW -- ! -See you're still stealing the sailors from the sea -- What are you doing here? -What's with the look? The hip, cool, sexy thing was getting old... -The hip, cool, sexy thing was getting old... You look like you lost your sheep ... -You still wrenching at Bacchiochi's? Hell, yeah. I'm not getting rich in here ... -Hell, yeah. I'm not getting rich in here ... Buy you a drink? -Buy you a drink? Nope. I got a coffee. And a boyfriend. -"""Mitch?""" Mitch. -Mitch. So I was replaced by Mitch? -So I was replaced by Mitch? No. You were replaced by Alex. Who was replaced by Kevin. Who was replaced by Vince. Who was replaced by Mitch... -On account of Mitch? On account of me. -I've taken the spear for a lot of people, Sway. Including you. Can't we improvise a little here ... ? No can do. Life goes on, pointfive ... You left me, remember? -No can do. Life goes on, pointfive ... You left me, remember? I left town. I didn't leave you. -I left town. I didn't leave you. A distinction worth noting ... -A distinction worth noting ... And here I am... -And here I am... Yes. But I got a feeling it's not on account of any longing-for-my-touch on your part - -Yes. But I got a feeling it's not on account of any longing-for-my-touch on your part - Kip's in trouble -What kind of trouble -- ? Kip took a job. Fifty ladies in two weeks. Only the two weeks have turned into four days. And not a single lady has been snared. -Kip took a job. Fifty ladies in two weeks. Only the two weeks have turned into four days. And not a single lady has been snared. And you got some Italians -- ? -And you got some Italians -- ? Six or seven... -Six or seven... I'm not doing it anymore. Haven't for a while. I've carved out something for myself. It's pathetic, but it's mine ... -I'm not doing it anymore. Haven't for a while. I've carved out something for myself. It's pathetic, but it's mine ... I understand - -What the hell are you doing -- ? If you change your mind. We're at Otto's. It's 50 ladies in 24 hours. For The Carpenter. 200 K and Kip's life on the felt. So long now ... -"That's Mirror Man ... And that's Freb ... And Tumbler ... And Toby ... Fellas, this is Sara Wayland... They call her ""Sway.""" Hey - -Hey. What's wrong with her -- ? -What's wrong with her -- ? The right side of the engine is running richer than the left. And the scope isn't showing shit... I dunno... -Right. Great car. One of a kind. I was looking forward to that boost myself "She was the only ""Annie"" you could find?" -"She was the only ""Annie"" you could find?" They only made a handful. We're lucky there's even one living in the area... -They only made a handful. We're lucky there's even one living in the area... Yeah, well ... She lives with District Court Judge Seymour Croft ... -She's trouble -- I put the boys on it. They're clever that way... -I go with you -- That what you want? -That what you want? That's what I want ... -That's what I want ... Okay. -You mentioned that in your letters I always thought you'd follow me up. -We were good when you bailed, weren't we? Very good... -Very good... Cos there were those dark days, when I figured - my God, how easy it was for him to just give it up; to make the deal; take the rot for the whole crew ... And give me up in the process. -Cos there were those dark days, when I figured - my God, how easy it was for him to just give it up; to make the deal; take the rot for the whole crew ... And give me up in the process. No way ... -No way ... No ... ? -No ... ? No ... -Don't go getting all warm and fuzzy on me, Randall. I'm the jane that was left, and you're the jim that did the leaving. So save the sanctimonious shit for someone who believes. The only reason I ride with you, is cause I don't want to spend the whole night with any of them other creeps! Oh. Okay. Right. -Ready -- ? Oh, yeah. -No whistles, but a Club You bring a hack -- ? No. Open her ... -What the hell's that -- ? A little trick I picked up at the Car Thief Retirement Home ... -Gosh, no. Lipstick? What next? Mascara, blush, floral-print dresses? Deodorant. -So, you seeing anybody? No. I had a girl. She was great. The problem is: great girls come along once every ten years. So I gotta wait another three years before I can even bother to look... -No. I had a girl. She was great. The problem is: great girls come along once every ten years. So I gotta wait another three years before I can even bother to look... She was so great, why'd you leave her? -She was so great, why'd you leave her? Her parole officer strongly recommended it ... -C'mon, gang. Let's focus. Sway, can you prep 'em -- ? I think so... They're just... So ... -I think so... They're just... So ... I know. But let's prep 'em. We could stay here all night... That wouldn't be good -- -Arright ... Enough ... I can't have you bellying up to my heart again, man, f you can't help falling off the stool. But he puts his mouth to her ears ... Shhh... Car thieves are your weakness. -Stop. What about Maserati Boy? I take out my slim-jim... -I take out my slim-jim... Oh, God... -Slip it in ... You're going high-cheese, dude -- -You're going high-cheese, dude -- Unlock your button ... -Unlock your button ... """Unlock my button"" ... ?" -"""Unlock my button"" ... ?" The alarms go off ... -The alarms go off ... Woo-woo-wooooo! -Woo-woo-wooooo! I pop your hood; find your siren wires -I pop your hood; find your siren wires They're factory alarms ... Easy to get around... For a man with... Skills... -They're factory alarms ... Easy to get around... For a man with... Skills... "I do ... I cut ""em..." -"I do ... I cut ""em..." Cut 'em... -Cut 'em... Now... I'm in ... -Now... I'm in ... Of course you are. You're a professional... -Of course you are. You're a professional... I ratchet your ignition mechanism ... -I ratchet your ignition mechanism ... I bet you say that to all the girls... -I bet you say that to all the girls... With a twist of my wrist ... You're turned over ... -With a twist of my wrist ... You're turned over ... Wrong preposition... -Wrong preposition... Hear you roar ... -Hear you roar ... What about The Club ... ? -What about The Club ... ? Let me worry about The Club ... -Let me worry about The Club ... No worries ... -No worries ... I've got you floored... We're off ... Take the curb... Man, can you corner... Know not to get on it ... Momentum shift ... Don't get on those brakes too hard ... Get her up on her tires. Up on her toes. Up ... Up... Up. -You're still quite the boost, Randall Raines ... Except now I've been chopped, and my parts are in a Honda Prelude being driven to church in South America by some Bolivian consulate's wife ... And Tracy's on the move ... -Donny got shot ... A jacker ... How is he -- ? -How is he -- ? They got him to the hospital. He's stable ... -Where to -- ? Kip's not clear yet. We got one more to go -- -You okay -- ? Yeah ... You -- ? -What are you doing... ? Seeing if you wanted to go for a ride? -I can't. I got a back load of repairs and one of the mechanics called in sick and I haven't slept and-- Where to -- ? I dunno. I know a place. -This time it's for real? Oh, yeah. For real, point-five. -What -- ? Nothing. Just that if I was less secure, I might think you were more into Eleanor than you are me... -Nothing. Just that if I was less secure, I might think you were more into Eleanor than you are me... She does have one thing you don't. -She does have one thing you don't. What's that? -What's that? Bench seats. -Am I dying? Are all the angels of my life returning to bid a final farewell? And have my angels completely lost their fashion sense -- ? Hello, Otto ... -Hello, Otto ... You remember Junie? -You remember Junie? Of course. Hi, Junie -- -Whatever do you mean? The chop-shop... Where are the stripped cars? The rolled-back odometers? The part bins? -The chop-shop... Where are the stripped cars? The rolled-back odometers? The part bins? What happened? Old-age happened. I tired of killing them. I woke up one morning and thought I am no longer a destroyer. I am a means of resurrection. Now. We restore. We revive. There are so few things in this life, we can prevent from decay. Most must die. These don't have to... -I heard rumors you were back. About Kip ... He's gotten involved -- -You think it can be done? Are you considering a comeback tour? -Are you considering a comeback tour? Tell me... -Tell me... It can be done. Take two days to shop; one to prep. I'll offer up my bible for a small fee. You also have to hope Kip's jerk-circus didn't undo Castlebeck's linkage so much so that he's setting up surveillance teams on every city block. And then get yourself a crew... -It can be done. Take two days to shop; one to prep. I'll offer up my bible for a small fee. You also have to hope Kip's jerk-circus didn't undo Castlebeck's linkage so much so that he's setting up surveillance teams on every city block. And then get yourself a crew... The hard part ... -The hard part ... """A people is a detour of nature to get 6 or 7 great men - Yes, and then to get around them..."" Nietzsche said that." -"""A people is a detour of nature to get 6 or 7 great men - Yes, and then to get around them..."" Nietzsche said that." Is he still working here ? -Is he still working here ? The old crew. Go find them. I can't help you with that. Since I've cleaned up the act a bit, they no longer come around... A pity how legitimacy makes you unpopular - -The old crew. Go find them. I can't help you with that. Since I've cleaned up the act a bit, they no longer come around... A pity how legitimacy makes you unpopular - I Just don't know how happy they'll be to see me -I remember I had a 1964 Buick Opal. worst car ever built. Value job. Everything broke and I-fixed it. A coma car - built to German specs. Plastic gas line. 3 speedometer head. On a quiet night, you could hear it rusting in the garage. But when that car was gone, I missed it. If it came driving back in here right now, there'd be tears and laughter ... And the moral of that story is -- ? -And the moral of that story is -- ? Go to them. They'll be happy to see you ... Ahhh... -Some crew you got ... If we put out the word. That we're crewing-up, for a one-time-only job... What do you think that'll yield? -You need him... No we don't - -No we don't - I appreciate your dilemma, Memphis. But how are two washed-up thieves and an old man supposed to boost 50 cars in three days... -I appreciate your dilemma, Memphis. But how are two washed-up thieves and an old man supposed to boost 50 cars in three days... His criminal career has officially come to a close ... -His criminal career has officially come to a close ... The conundrum still applies, of course. The purpose of the endeavor is to rescue baby brother from imminent death and/or a life of crime. However. This cannot be successfully carried out without baby brother's considerable resources, shabby though they may be. -Okay, then... Otto? In order to succeed, you're going to have to go old-school. one night boost. Put all your nuts in one basket. And... -"Anyone? The significance of ""Robin 1"" on Magnum's license plate? Memphis?" Robin was Robin Masters. He owned the estate they lived on ... -Robin was Robin Masters. He owned the estate they lived on ... Ten points for our fearless leader ... Sway, how 'bout giving us the honor of the Bill Bixby trifecta -- ? -Split it up. Any word on Donny? He's gonna be okay. Could do a bit. -He's gonna be okay. Could do a bit. What happened to Sway? -What happened to Sway? She left... -Dinosaurs. All of us. The Ice Age is now... I'll see you soon -- -Hey, Memphis. Remember me? Toby Walker. I live next door ... Sure. Hey, Toby. You grew up -Sure. Hey, Toby. You grew up Yeah, I'm cool ... -How old are you now, Toby? Sixteen. But my birthday's in seven months ... -This Eleanor's been living at the International Towers for 3 years now. "Who's ""Eleanor?""" -"Who's ""Eleanor?""" The 167 Mustang Shelby Mustang GT-500. -The 167 Mustang Shelby Mustang GT-500. "Why do you call it ""Eleanor?""" -"Why do you call it ""Eleanor?""" "All the vehicles get code names. Female names. You say ""Eleanor lives at such and such... "" and no one listening on the waves is the wiser ..." -She's not. Carroll Shelby tweaked the Mustang's High-Performance 289 engine and got it legally rated for the street at 450 horsepower ... But its actual output is closer to 600 ... So she flies - -So she flies - She soars - -I logged outside the G.R.A.B. site, right? Then I monitored their incoming outside data requests, right? Then I got these ISDN numbers, right? Then I tracked them back, right? Then I took the one I could jack-up the easiest, right? Then I called back see, they think I'm an insurance company - that's where it looks like I'm coming from -- and they're sharing stats with this insurance company, right? So now they're sharing it with me, right? They think I'm looking for stats for an actuarial conference on auto-theft. So they let me in, right? Give me all these numbers. But then I don't leave, right? I'm in. I've got the key. Now I just go anywhere I want. So what's in there -- ? -So what's in there -- ? "I can tell you who's gonna be on duty tonight. I can tell you how much gas they're using monthly. I can tell you how they used to spend that annoying half-hour between ""FRIENDS"" and ""SEINFELD""..." -What about me? You'll be at the docks ... Keeping Otto abreast of our progress ... -You'll be at the docks ... Keeping Otto abreast of our progress ... How come ... ? -How come ... ? Because you should be home with Nintendo, listening to The Spice Girls, little man ... -Because you should be home with Nintendo, listening to The Spice Girls, little man ... Come on. Kip, talk to the guy -Okay. All our ladies should be home now, tucked in bed. Let's keep chilly. Think Slow. Any questions? You sure I can't go with ya? -You're gonna be okay, Toby... You are ... We'll getcha fixed up... No ... No... No ... Tell me what's gonna happen? Kip? Tell me. What's gonna happen? -You know what you got here? Not really - -Not really - There's excessive resistance in the cranking circuit ... You know what you gotta do -- ? -There's excessive resistance in the cranking circuit ... You know what you gotta do -- ? Not really -- -Not really -- "You have any other answers besides ""not really""?" -"You have any other answers besides ""not really""?" Not -- -Not -- Right. You want to test the voltage drop ... Use the voltmeter ... Remove the primary lead from the ignitioncoil and crank her ... See what you got ... You understand -- ? -Uh ... Randall -- ? Excuse me -- -What do you want, shithead? Why you gotta front me like that? I'm talking to Kip -- -Why you gotta front me like that? I'm talking to Kip -- Why don't you leave him alone? -Why don't you leave him alone? I known Kip longing than you, man ... -I known Kip longing than you, man ... Oooh, ain't you the lucky duck -- -What are you doing here, assface? Checkin' it out -Which way's out, man -- ? Shit all looks the same here -- -You think I don't know? You think I like to keep this inside? But I gotta, or he'll kill the miserable bastard and he'll be there for life. It's disgusting what you have to put up with. Look at Jeannie's kid. -Look at Jeannie's kid. What? What happened? -What? What happened? The oldest one. He was in an argument. A lousy ten-dollar card game. The kid pulls out a gun. It goes off. The kid gets killed. The grandmother hears it and finds out he's been arrested. She has a heart attack. She drops dead right on the spot. Now Jeannie's got a husband and son in jail and a mother in the funeral parlor. -The oldest one. He was in an argument. A lousy ten-dollar card game. The kid pulls out a gun. It goes off. The kid gets killed. The grandmother hears it and finds out he's been arrested. She has a heart attack. She drops dead right on the spot. Now Jeannie's got a husband and son in jail and a mother in the funeral parlor. But he was always a bad kid, that one. -But he was always a bad kid, that one. No. Come on. It was the younger one that was the bad one. -Hey, look at him. Tommy. You grew up. Billy, how are you? -Billy, how are you? Son of a bitch. Get over here. -Hey, Billy. Watch the suit. "Listen to him. ""Watch the suit,"" he says. A little pisser I've known all my life. Hey, Tommy, don't go get too big." -"Listen to him. ""Watch the suit,"" he says. A little pisser I've known all my life. Hey, Tommy, don't go get too big." Don't go busting my balls. Okay? -Don't go busting my balls. Okay? Busting his balls? If I was busting your balls, I'd send you home for your shine box. -You remember Tommy's shines? The kid was great. He made mirrors. No more shines, Billy. -No more shines, Billy. Come ooonnn. Tommeeee. We're only kidding. You can't take a joke? Come ooonn. -Tell him. It's okay. What? -What did you hear about that thing? What thing? The Brooklyn thing? -What thing? The Brooklyn thing? No. No. The guy from downtown. -No. No. The guy from downtown. The guy from near where Christie used to live? -The guy from near where Christie used to live? No. The other one. The one who disappeared up the block from Christie. The one they made a beef on. -No. The other one. The one who disappeared up the block from Christie. The one they made a beef on. Oh I Him. -I don't want any more of that Shit. Wha? Me? -Wha? Me? Just stay away from the garbage. Yon know what I mean. -Just stay away from the garbage. Yon know what I mean. Me? Why would I get into that shit? -Me? Why would I get into that shit? I know what you did inside. You did what you had to do. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking from now on, outside. I'm talking right here. -I know what you did inside. You did what you had to do. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking from now on, outside. I'm talking right here. Why would I get into that? -I'm not going to get fucked like Gribbs. He's seventy years old and the fucking guy is going to die in prison. I don't need that. I don't care who it is. I'm warning everybody. Gribbs got twenty years just because he said hello to some fuck who was sneaking around selling junk behind his back. That's not going to happen to me. You understand? Paulie. Why would I? I swear. -Paulie. Why would I? I swear. You're only home early because we got you a job, right? And I don't need any heat. You understand? -You're only home early because we got you a job, right? And I don't need any heat. You understand? Nods. -Nods. And, if you hear about anybody else fucking around with that shit, you tell me. -And, if you hear about anybody else fucking around with that shit, you tell me. Nods again. -Nods again. Anybody! You understand? -Anybody! You understand? I understand. -I warned you a million times. I've been all fucked up since I got out. -I've been all fucked up since I got out. You think I didn't know what you were doing? -You think I didn't know what you were doing? It was easy money. I did it in the can. Shit! I learned the junk business in the can, Paulie. -It was easy money. I did it in the can. Shit! I learned the junk business in the can, Paulie. Right in my face. You looked in my face and you lied. -Right in my face. You looked in my face and you lied. But, Paulie, I'm sorry. Believe me. I was fucking crazy. But I'm okay now. I can be trusted. I'm clean now. On my children. Believe me! Two weeks cold turkey waiting for bail got my head together... -But, Paulie, I'm sorry. Believe me. I was fucking crazy. But I'm okay now. I can be trusted. I'm clean now. On my children. Believe me! Two weeks cold turkey waiting for bail got my head together... You thought I was some fucking jerk? -You thought I was some fucking jerk? Paulie, I couldn't come to you. I didn't want to put you in this shit. I was ashamed to come to you. I knew I was wrong. -Paulie. You're all I got. I need help. You treated me like shit. -Here. Take it. Now I gotta turn my back on you. Thirty-two hundred bucks. That's what he gave me. Thirty-two hundred bucks for a lifetime. It wouldn't have paid for the coffin. -I had a meeting with Tuddy around eleven o'clock and here I am a back-up guy. Have more coffee. It'll wake you up. -Have more coffee. It'll wake you up. I couldn't wait to get away. I was ordering the dessert when they were eating dinner. When they were having coffee, I was asking for a check. -I didn't know, I swear. I thought it was next week. Liar! -Take it easy. We can talk about it. She's screaming on the street and I mean loud, but she looked good. She had these violet eyes. I remember she's screaming, but mostly I'm looking at her eyes. They were just like Elizabeth Taylor's. That's what everybody said. -She's screaming on the street and I mean loud, but she looked good. She had these violet eyes. I remember she's screaming, but mostly I'm looking at her eyes. They were just like Elizabeth Taylor's. That's what everybody said. Talk? To you? After what you did! -Talk? To you? After what you did! I thought you were going to stand me up. You looked bored. You didn't say anything. What did you expect. Tommy was all over me. Right? -What're you doing? What about the car? He watches it for me. It's better than waiting at a garage. -What do you do? I'm in construction. -I'm in construction. They don't feel like you're in construction. -Go inside. I'll be right there. What are you gonna do? -What are you gonna do? Get inside! -My bag. My bag. What bag? -What bag? The bag with the envelopes. -The bag with the envelopes. Oh that. Don't worry about that. Nobody's gonna steal it. -I Don't know. I don't know if I could live that way. What if, God forbid, you go to prison. Mickey said Jeannie's husband -- Are you nuts? Jeannie's husband went to the can just to get away from her, she's such a pain in the ass. Let me tell you. Nobody goes to jail unless they want to, unless they make themselves get caught. They do stuff with the wrong people. They don't have things organized. You know who goes to jail? Nigger stickup men. That's who. And they only get caught because they fall asleep in the getaway car. -I'm gonna need some money. How much? -I don't care. Something's going on. That again. -Henry. Wake up. What's the matter with you? You're crazy. -It's all bullshit. I swear. It's nothing. Whatever you want, we'll do. The truth was, that no matter how bad I felt, I was still very attracted to him. Why should I give him up to someone else? Why should she win? -The truth was, that no matter how bad I felt, I was still very attracted to him. Why should I give him up to someone else? Why should she win? Son of a bitch. -I thought you were supposed to turn yourself in at ten o'clock this morning? I'm just having my last few drinks. -I'm just having my last few drinks. I've been all over town. I got a call from the bondman. He says they're going to rescind your bail if you don't show up and sign in right now. They're going to take away the house. -I've been all over town. I got a call from the bondman. He says they're going to rescind your bail if you don't show up and sign in right now. They're going to take away the house. Shit. -You son of a bitch. She's been here. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Don't lie to me. I saw her name in the register. -Don't lie to me. I saw her name in the register. Jezuz Christ! -Jezuz Christ! You want her to visit you? Good! Let her stay up all night crying and writing letters to the parole board. -You want her to visit you? Good! Let her stay up all night crying and writing letters to the parole board. What am I doing? I'm in here! I'm in jail. I can't stop people from coming to see me. -Stop! Stop! Let her carry this shit inside. -Nobody's helping me. Tommy got four years. Marty and Fran are broke. I asked your friend Remo for the money he owed you, and you know what he told me? It'll be okay. -It'll be okay. He told me to take the kids to the police station and make the cops put me on welfare. -We've got to help each other. Even Paulie, since he got out, I hardly see him. -Even Paulie, since he got out, I hardly see him. It's only you and me. That's what happens when you go away. We're on our own. Forget everybody. Forget Paulie. As long as he's on parole he doesn't want anybody doing anything. -It's only you and me. That's what happens when you go away. We're on our own. Forget everybody. Forget Paulie. As long as he's on parole he doesn't want anybody doing anything. I can't do it anymore. -I can't do it anymore. Yes, you can. I've got it set up. We'll be fine. All I need is for you to keep bringing the stuff. I've got a guy in here from Pittsburgh who'll move it for me. Believe me, in a month we'll be fine. We won't need anybody. -Yes, you can. I've got it set up. We'll be fine. All I need is for you to keep bringing the stuff. I've got a guy in here from Pittsburgh who'll move it for me. Believe me, in a month we'll be fine. We won't need anybody. I'm afraid. I'm afraid if Paulie finds out. -I'm afraid. I'm afraid if Paulie finds out. Don't worry about Paulie. Is he helping you? Is he putting food on the table? We've got to help ourselves. We just have to be careful while we do it. -Don't worry about Paulie. Is he helping you? Is he putting food on the table? We've got to help ourselves. We just have to be careful while we do it. I don't want to hear about her anymore. -I don't want to hear about her anymore. Never. -Get packed. We're getting out of here. With what? -With what? Don't worry with what. You just start looking for a new place. I'm going to Pittsburgh in the morning. The guys from Pittsburgh they owe me fifteen grand from our little partnership and it's only the beginning. -Don't worry with what. You just start looking for a new place. I'm going to Pittsburgh in the morning. The guys from Pittsburgh they owe me fifteen grand from our little partnership and it's only the beginning. But you've got to see your parole officer in the afternoon and I promised we'd take Judy to F.A.O. Schwarz. -But you've got to see your parole officer in the afternoon and I promised we'd take Judy to F.A.O. Schwarz. Don't worry about it. You listening to me? Now, come on. We gotta go see Paulie. -I had everybody working. Even our old babysitter. She's beautiful. Look at her. Henry, look at her. -She's beautiful. Look at her. Henry, look at her. Hello! Hello! Have a good flight? -Jimmy's calling every day. It's urgent. What did he say, exactly? -What did he say, exactly? At least Jimmy and Mickey want to help. I talk to Mickey every day. That's more than I can say for the rest. -At least Jimmy and Mickey want to help. I talk to Mickey every day. That's more than I can say for the rest. Paul will calm down. You'll see. -I told Jimmy the cops took our cars and froze our bank accounts and he offered to get me some money. Be wants to know what's happening. You gotta meet him. Fuck Jimmy and the money. Didn't I tell you I gotta get out of here first. I gotta straighten every- thing out with Paulie or I'm dead. -Then you're safer in here. Safe? Here? They'll kill me here. They're all afraid I'm gonna rat them out. People are already looking to walk away from me. I'm dead in here. You gotta get me out. -Safe? Here? They'll kill me here. They're all afraid I'm gonna rat them out. People are already looking to walk away from me. I'm dead in here. You gotta get me out. Who's gonna do that? -Who's gonna do that? Just get me out. -So now my plan was to stay alive long enough to sell off the dope that the cops never found and disappear for a while until I got things straightened out. Where's the stuff? -Where's the stuff? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? You know. The stuff I left. -You know. The stuff I left. I flushed it down the toilet. -I flushed it down the toilet. You what? -You what? What did you want me to do with it? They were all over the house. -What did you want me to do with it? They were all over the house. Are you fucking nuts? That was forty, fifty thousand. I need it. I was depending on that money. -Are you fucking nuts? That was forty, fifty thousand. I need it. I was depending on that money. They had a warrant. They went through everything. They would have found it. I swear. -They had a warrant. They went through everything. They would have found it. I swear. Shit You know they would have never found it. Why did you do it? Why did you do it? My God, why did you have to do it? -Shit You know they would have never found it. Why did you do it? Why did you do it? My God, why did you have to do it? Oh no! No! Noooo! -What happened? You okay? I got seared. -I got seared. Okay. Don't worry about it. It's okay. -Okay. Don't worry about it. It's okay. I got scared. -What about the schools? Yeah. What about the kids' school? -What are we going to do with him? We can't dump him in the street. Bring the car round back. I know a place Upstate they'll never find him. -Keep 'em coming. Jimmy was one of the most feared gays in the city. He was first locked up at eleven and was doing hits for mob bosses when he was sixteen. Hits never bothered him. It was business. But what he really loved to do was steal. I mean, he actually enjoyed it. Jimmy was the kind of guy who rooted for the bad guys in the movies. He was one of the city's biggest hijackers. Clothes. Razor blades. Booze. Cigarettes. Shrimp and lobsters. Shrimp and lobsters were the best. They went fast. -You got money for your bullshit television, don't you? I gotta watch you swimming back and forth on TV all night long, don't I? You got money for that, but you don't have my money? Jimmy. He'll be okay. He's good for it. Relax. -We got a problem, that thing we took care of upstate? Paulie was just talking about him. -Paulie was just talking about him. Well, we gotta dig him up again. -Well, we gotta dig him up again. What? -What? The guy just sold the property. They're gonna build condominiums and I don't want anybody digging up the little bastard. -The guy just sold the property. They're gonna build condominiums and I don't want anybody digging up the little bastard. It's been six months. -It's been six months. It's still better than letting somebody find him. -It's still better than letting somebody find him. If Paulie finds out, we got problems. -If Paulie finds out, we got problems. Fuck Paulie. If Batts' crew finds we whacked him, we got real problems. -we're gonna feed the bastard to the lions. What lions? I'm not going near any lions. -What lions? I'm not going near any lions. We only have to shove'em over the moat. -For Christmas. Your share. It's just a taste. Jimmy. -Jimmy. We did it. We did it. -Give'm a drink. I gotta talk to you. -I gotta talk to you. Have a drink first. -Oh yeah? Anything you say. What's going on? What happened to Stacks? Is everything okay? -What's going on? What happened to Stacks? Is everything okay? Don't worry about it. -Don't worry about it. There are cops all over the place. -There are cops all over the place. So what? Where are they gonna go? -Paulie's gonna make him? Who else? Paulie got the okay. This little guinea fuck. Someday he's gonna be a boss. Can you believe someday we'll work for him. -What'll I tell Fran? Who gives a fuck? Tall her he ran away with a broad. What do you care about her. -Watch this. Come on, don't fuck around, will ya? -Come on, don't fuck around, will ya? I do it all the time. Bust their fucking balls. -I do it all the time. Bust their fucking balls. Jimmy, come on. Fuck 'em. Don't give them the satisfaction. -You want the melon? Nah. -Nah. I better call again. -I better call again. Jimmy and I could never be made, because we bad Irish blood. It didn't even matter that my mother was Sicilian. To become a member of a crew, you've got to be one hundred percent Italian So that they can trace all your relatives back to the old country. -What fucking good are these things? They don't fit. What do I need this for? I'm not paying for this shit. Right away I knew he didn't want them. I knew I was going to get stuck for the money. I only bought the damn guns because he wanted them. And now, he didn't want them. I didn't say a thing. Jimmy was so pissed he didn't even say goodbye. -I can't eat, just get me some coffee. He was jumpy. He hadn't touched a thing. In the old days, Jimmy would have ordered doubles and eaten it all. On the surface, of course, everything was supposed to be fine. We were supposed to be discussing my case, just like we always would, but I had a feeling Jimmy was trying to sense whether I was going to rat him out to save my neck. -He was jumpy. He hadn't touched a thing. In the old days, Jimmy would have ordered doubles and eaten it all. On the surface, of course, everything was supposed to be fine. We were supposed to be discussing my case, just like we always would, but I had a feeling Jimmy was trying to sense whether I was going to rat him out to save my neck. I think you got a good shot at beating the case. -I think you got a good shot at beating the case. How? -How? It's that rat bastard from Pittsburgh. He ratted you all out. He's been a rat since he got busted in Pittsburgh. -It's that rat bastard from Pittsburgh. He ratted you all out. He's been a rat since he got busted in Pittsburgh. Yeah. -Yeah. He's hiding, thE son of a bitch, in Florida. -He's hiding, thE son of a bitch, in Florida. Yeah. -Yeah. I want you and Anthony to go down there and take care of that bastard. Without him, they've got no case. -I didn't agree to three points over the vig.- What am I nuts? I didn't need it that much. What are you gonna do? Fight with him? He wants his money. -It's a fait accompli? Done. -Done. And Jimmy's in it, right? -And Jimmy's in it, right? Will you stop. -I want to talk to Jimmy. He heard. -He heard. But I got two hundred and fifty coming. It's my share. Jimmy owes me. -But I got two hundred and fifty coming. It's my share. Jimmy owes me. Marty, please. Let me talk to him. -What happened to you? I can't make any more deliveries. -I can't make any more deliveries. Whadda you mean, you can't make any more deliveries? You're going to fuck up everything? -Whadda you mean, you can't make any more deliveries? You're going to fuck up everything? My father got a letter from the school. He said the next time he'll kill me. -It was the first time I had ever seen anyone shot. You're some fucking jerk. -I You wasted eight fucking aprons on that guy. : I remember feeling bad about the guy. But I remember feeling that maybe Tuddy was right. I knew Paulie didn't want anybody dying in the building. -Where'd you find such creeps? They're okay and it's worth it. Ain't it? -You ready? Yeah. -Yeah. Tell Michael not to 1et the sauce stick. -You know what to do? Yeah, yeah. -Yeah, yeah. Now this is important. Make sure you leave the house when you make the call. You understand? Do you hear me? It's important. Call from an outside phone. I mean it. -Now this is important. Make sure you leave the house when you make the call. You understand? Do you hear me? It's important. Call from an outside phone. I mean it. Jesus! You must think I'm dumb. What are you bugging me for? I know what to do! -Jesus! You must think I'm dumb. What are you bugging me for? I know what to do! Just make sure you do it. You know what I mean? -I gotta go home. What for? I got a pound of stuff in my jacket I've been carrying around all day. We gotta start taping it to your leg. -What for? I got a pound of stuff in my jacket I've been carrying around all day. We gotta start taping it to your leg. I gotta go home and get my hat. -Do you realize what we're involved in here now? I don't care. I need my hat. I won't go without it. -I don't care. I need my hat. I won't go without it. What could I do? If she insisted, I had to drive her home for her goddamn hat. I threw the package in the kitchen and went to take her hone. -Come on, relax. He's drunk. He's been locked up for six years. I don't give a shit. That guy's got no right. -I don't give a shit. That guy's got no right. Tommy. He. doesn't mean anything. Forget about it. -Tommy. He. doesn't mean anything. Forget about it. He's insulting me. Rat bastard. He's never been any fuckin' good. -He's insulting me. Rat bastard. He's never been any fuckin' good. Tommy. Come on. Relax. -Tommy. Come on. Relax. Keep him here. I'm going for a bag. -Batts's made. His whole crew is going to be looking for him. This is fucking bad. There's a shovel at my mother's. -You gotta help me. Okay? This girl I told you about? Diana? She's from the Five Towns. She's Jewish. She won't go out with me alone. Can you believe this shit? She's fucking prejudiced, but she's built. She's never been out with an Italian before. She says she'll only go out on a double date with her girlfriend. You believe this shit? But you gotta see her. I mean, she's beautiful. Will you get the fuck out of here. -Will you get the fuck out of here. Is it my fault she won't go out without her girlfriend? For Chrissake. Come on. You don't even have to stay. Jeesuz! What's the big deal? -Is it my fault she won't go out without her girlfriend? For Chrissake. Come on. You don't even have to stay. Jeesuz! What's the big deal? Tommy ... -Tommy, don't fuck around. Put the gun away. Tommy! No, no. It's okay. -No, no. It's okay. Tommy, come on. Put the gun away. -Tommy, come on. Put the gun away. No. It's okay. Just watch this. Watch it. -Stay there. Don't start. I told you to clean up. Look at this place. It's a pigpen. Look around here. Why do you think I bought you the dishwasher? Look. Look at this. There's enough powder around here to put us all away. -Don't start. I told you to clean up. Look at this place. It's a pigpen. Look around here. Why do you think I bought you the dishwasher? Look. Look at this. There's enough powder around here to put us all away. I hate to do dishes. -I hate to do dishes. Hey, come on. I gotta meet somebody. -Hey, come on. I gotta meet somebody. So do I. -Are you okay? What happened? Nothing. I dropped the soap. That's all. -I don't need this... You said tonight and now it's not tonight... It's okay. I'll make it up. I promise. Just hurry it up a little. Okay? -It's okay. I'll make it up. I promise. Just hurry it up a little. Okay? Okay? -How is he? Okay? Are they busting his chops? He's okay. They sobered him up. -He's okay. They sobered him up. Did he say what they're asking him about? -Did he say what they're asking him about? Jimmy. I don't know. I got so much else on my mind. I got the kids. We got no money. -Jimmy. I don't know. I got so much else on my mind. I got the kids. We got no money. I gotta talk to him as soon as I can. -I gotta talk to him as soon as I can. He says he's too hot. He doesn't even know I came here today. It's like he's crazy. Jimmy. -He says he's too hot. He doesn't even know I came here today. It's like he's crazy. Jimmy. I know. I know. But it'll be okay. Don't worry. I got some money for you. It's down the block. -The third store down. Jimmy just stood there on the sidewalk. It felt funny. I started walking down the block, but I noticed the stores were empty. -He didn't call? He's with his friends. -He's with his friends. What kind of person doesn't call? -What kind of person doesn't call? He's a grown man. Be doesn't have to call every five minutes. -He's a grown man. Be doesn't have to call every five minutes. If he was so grown up he'd get you two an apartment. -If he was so grown up he'd get you two an apartment. Don't bring that up. You're the one who wanted us here. -Don't bring that up. You're the one who wanted us here. Look. He's got the whole house in an uproar. -He's got your father upset. Good thing he doesn't have to go to work in the morning. Is this what he deserves? Ma! Please! You're driving me crazy. -Ma! Please! You're driving me crazy. Driving you crazy? Don't get me started. You're here a month and sometimes I know he doesn't come home at all. What kind of people are these? -Driving you crazy? Don't get me started. You're here a month and sometimes I know he doesn't come home at all. What kind of people are these? Ma! Stop! What do you want me to do? -Ma! Stop! What do you want me to do? Do? What can you do? What did you expect? He wasn't Jewish. Did you know bow they live? Your father would never stay out this late without calling. In thirty years he never stayed out all night. -Do? What can you do? What did you expect? He wasn't Jewish. Did you know bow they live? Your father would never stay out this late without calling. In thirty years he never stayed out all night. Stayed out? Daddy never went out at all. -We'll pack up everything and send it to you. I got dry cleaning. -I got dry cleaning. We'll pick it up. -Don't worry about the schools. We'll take care of the schools. I don't want them left back. -I don't want them left back. They won't be left back. They'll stay in their grade. -They won't be left back. They'll stay in their grade. That's important. -If you knew those fucking kids. They're nuts. Especially that Tommy. What am I going to do with them? But I'm worried. I'm hearing all kinds of things. Paulie. You know me all my life. I've always done the right thing. -But I'm worried. I'm hearing all kinds of things. Paulie. You know me all my life. I've always done the right thing. You think that matters? You think they give a shit about anything? The little bastards. -You think that matters? You think they give a shit about anything? The little bastards. But it isn't right, Paulie. That Tommy, he's making trouble for me all over town. I can't go here. I can't go there. -But it isn't right, Paulie. That Tommy, he's making trouble for me all over town. I can't go here. I can't go there. You? You think you're the only one? I've talked to them a million times, but they don't listen. -You? You think you're the only one? I've talked to them a million times, but they don't listen. But, Paulie, please. -But, Paulie, please. Someday they'll get what's coming to them. That's the only way they'll stop. -Someday they'll get what's coming to them. That's the only way they'll stop. Paulie, I swear, I'm afraid. The guy's nuts. What do I have to do? Whatever I gotta do, I'll do. -Paulie, I swear, I'm afraid. The guy's nuts. What do I have to do? Whatever I gotta do, I'll do. What can I do? If I could do something, don't you think I would? -You want a partner? Please? -You guys know my cousin Mikey Sullivan? Yeah. -Yeah. Well you know how he loves animals right? Anyway, last week he's drivin' home... -Well you know how he loves animals right? Anyway, last week he's drivin' home... What? Come on! -What? Come on! I'm sorry, 'cause you know Mikey, the fuckin guy loves animals, and this is the last person you'd want this to happen to. -Two weeks? That's nothin'. My Uncle Marty? Will knows him. That guy fuckin' drinks like you've never seen! One night he was drivin' back to his house on I-93-- Statie pulls him over. Oh shit. -Oh shit. Guy's tryin' to walk the line--but he can't even fuckin' stand up, and so my uncle's gonna spend a night in jail. Just then there's this fuckin' BOOM like fifty yards down the road. Some guy's car hit a tree. -No way! You're kiddin'! No, he was so hammered that he drove the police cruiser home. Fuckin' lights and everything! -Who's she talking to? That fuckin' guinea, Will knows him. ---Yah, restructurin' the amount of retards they had workin' for them. Fuck you, you fat fuck. -Fuck you, you fat fuck. Least I work for a livin'. Why'd you get fired? -Submit, bitch! Submit! Submit! Suck my cock! -Suck my cock! Oh, Morgan! -Keep fuckin' with me. Watch what happens. All right, then. -All right, then. Watch what happens. -I've been shit faced for like two weeks. Oh great, tell her that! Now she really thinks we're problem drinkers! -Chuckie, what the fuck happened? Okay. He's driving along and this fuckin' cat jumps in front of his car, and so he hits this cat-- -"Yeah, so he's like ""Check the front of my truck, I can prove I hit it 'cause there's probably some blood or something""--" --or a tail-- -Stop brushin' me back! Stop crowdin the plate! -Casey's bouncin' at a bar up Harvard. We should go there sometime. What are we gonna do up there? -What are we gonna do up there? I don't know, we'll fuck up some smart kids. You'd prob'ly fit right in. -I don't know, we'll fuck up some smart kids. You'd prob'ly fit right in. Fuck you. -She's sharp as a marble. "We're not goin'. I don't even like ""Kelly's.""" -She didn't do it again did she? Jesus Christ. Not even close. -Jesus, that's really bad, did anyone even order a Flyin' Fish? No, and we got four of 'em. -What do we got? I don't know yet. -Hey, thanks for comin' out. Yeah, you're all invited over to Morgan's house for a complementary fish sandwhich. -When's the arraignment? Next week. -What'd you get? You get leniency? Probation, counselin', few days a week. -Probation, counselin', few days a week. You're fuckin' good. -Who'd you call? No one. I didn't have the number. -I didn't get on Cathy last night. Why not? -Why not? I don't know. -I don't know what the fuck you're doin'. You're givin' us a ride. What do I look like, Al Cowlins? You want to take my car, drop her off? -What do I look like, Al Cowlins? You want to take my car, drop her off? I was countin' on it. -Thanks, Chuck. Don't get too slap-happy, you're takin' me home first. WILL I don't know, Chuck. It's kinda outta the way. -How's the woman? Gone. -Gone. What? -What? She went to Medical school in California. -She went to Medical school in California. Sorry, brother. I don't know what to tell ya. You know all the girls I been with. You been with 'em too, except for Cheryl McGovern which was a big mistake on your part brother... -Sorry, brother. I don't know what to tell ya. You know all the girls I been with. You been with 'em too, except for Cheryl McGovern which was a big mistake on your part brother... Oh I'm sure, that's why only one of us has herpes. -Oh I'm sure, that's why only one of us has herpes. Some shows are worth the price of admission, partner. -Suck my crank. Fuckin' sheet metal pussy. So, when are you done with those meetin's? Week after I'm twenty-one. -Week after I'm twenty-one. Are they hookin' you up with a job? -Are they hookin' you up with a job? Yeah, sit in a room and do long division for the next fifty years. -Yeah, sit in a room and do long division for the next fifty years. Yah, but it's better than this shit. At least you'd make some nice bank. -Yah, but it's better than this shit. At least you'd make some nice bank. Yeah, be a fuckin' lab rat. -Yeah, be a fuckin' lab rat. It's a way outta here. -It's a way outta here. What do I want a way outta here for? I want to live here the rest of my life. I want to be your next door neighbor. I want to take out kids to little league together up Foley Field. -What do I want a way outta here for? I want to live here the rest of my life. I want to be your next door neighbor. I want to take out kids to little league together up Foley Field. Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way, but in 20 years, if you're livin' next door to me, comin' over watchin' the fuckin' Patriots' games and still workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill you. And that's not a threat, that's a fact. I'll fuckin' kill you. -Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way, but in 20 years, if you're livin' next door to me, comin' over watchin' the fuckin' Patriots' games and still workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill you. And that's not a threat, that's a fact. I'll fuckin' kill you. Chuckie, what are you talkin'... -Chuckie, what are you talkin'... Listen, you got somethin' that none of us have. -Listen, you got somethin' that none of us have. Why is it always this? I owe it to myself? What if I don't want to? -Why is it always this? I owe it to myself? What if I don't want to? Fuck you. You owe it to me. Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be fifty and I'll still be doin' this. And that's all right 'cause I'm gonna make a run at it. But you, you're sittin' on a winning lottery ticket and you're too much of a pussy to cash it in. And that's bullshit 'cause I'd do anything to have what you got! And so would any of these guys. It'd be a fuckin' insult to us if you're still here in twenty years. -Fuck you. You owe it to me. Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be fifty and I'll still be doin' this. And that's all right 'cause I'm gonna make a run at it. But you, you're sittin' on a winning lottery ticket and you're too much of a pussy to cash it in. And that's bullshit 'cause I'd do anything to have what you got! And so would any of these guys. It'd be a fuckin' insult to us if you're still here in twenty years. You don't know that. -You don't know that. Let me tell you what I do know. Every day I come by to pick you up, and we go out drinkin' or whatever and we have a few laughs. But you know what the best part of my day is? The ten seconds before I knock on the door 'cause I let myself think I might get there, and you'd be gone. I'd knock on the door and you wouldn't be there. You just left. -You and Morgan throw? No, I had to talk him down. -No, I had to talk him down. Why didn't you yoke him? -Why didn't you yoke him? Little Morgan's got a lot a scrap, dude. I'd rather fight a big kid, they never fight, everyone's scared of 'em. You know how many people try to whip Morgan's ass every week? Fuckin' kid won't back down. -You're kiddin' me. Yeah, I figured now that you got your big job over in Cambridge, you needed some way to get over there and I knew I wasn't gonna drive you every day... -Okay. So, you ladies ah, go to school here? -What class? Ah, history I think. -Ah, history I think. Oh... -Oh... Yah, it's not a bad school... -I'm glad you came by, changed my opinion of Harvard people. See ya' Chuckie. I had fun. -Yeah, not tonight. Not any other night. He knows, once you see that shit-hole he's gettin' dropped like a bad habit. I wanted to meet your brothers... -Hi. How you doin'? -How you doin'? Good. -How'd you know where to find me? You were the only Sullivan in the phone book. -Oh, right. This is your house, right? -I guess so. What? No. This is my mother's house. I don't live with my mother. I just stop by, help out. I'm good like that. -What? No. This is my mother's house. I don't live with my mother. I just stop by, help out. I'm good like that. Is this a bad time? -Is this a bad time? She'll live. If she starts yelling again I might have to run in real quick and beat her with the stick again but... -She'll live. If she starts yelling again I might have to run in real quick and beat her with the stick again but... Okay. -Okay. Let's take a walk. EXT. CHUCKIE'S STREET -- DAY -See, now this doesn't feel right. When I made the decision to come over here it felt right. I had all these rationalizations... I just don't understand why Will never tells me anything, he won't let me get close to him, he tells me these weird lies-- You caught that, huh? -You caught that, huh? I just wanted to find out what was going on...But now that I'm here it seems strange, doesn't it? -I just wanted to find out what was going on...But now that I'm here it seems strange, doesn't it? Well, I don't have no trousers on... -I don't care what his family's like or if he doesn't have any brothers, but he doesn't have to lie to me. I really don't know what to say. Look, I lie to women all the time. That's just my way. Last week Morgan brought these girls down from Roslindale. I told them I was a cosmonaut. They believed me. But Will's not usually like that-- -Is that true? Yeah, it is. ---That isn't funny-- "--and he's like ""shit! Motherfucker!"" And he looks in his rearview and sees this cat-- I'm sorry--" -Jesus. "And all the time he's apologizin' to the cat, goin' ""I'm sorry."" BANG, ""I'm sorry."" BANG!" -WILL! And so they go around to the front of his truck...and there's another cat on the grille. -Yah, that is a nice ass. You could put a pool in that backyard. -Fuck this, let's get something to eat... What Morgan, you're not gonna go talk to her? -What Morgan, you're not gonna go talk to her? Fuck her. -"Morgan, I'm not goin' to ""Kelly's Roast Beef"" just cause you like the take-out girl. It's fifteen minutes out of our way. MORGAN What else we gonna do we can't spare fifteen minutes?" "All right Morgan, fine. I'll tell you why we're not going to ""Kelly's."" It's because the take-out bitch is a fuckin' idiot. I'm sorry you like her but she's dumb as a post and she has never got our order right, never once." -"All right Morgan, fine. I'll tell you why we're not going to ""Kelly's."" It's because the take-out bitch is a fuckin' idiot. I'm sorry you like her but she's dumb as a post and she has never got our order right, never once." She's not stupid. -Would you shut the fuck up! I know what you ordered, I was there! So why don't you give me my sandwhich? -So why don't you give me my sandwhich? "What do you mean ""your sandwhich?"" I bought it." -"What do you mean ""your sandwhich?"" I bought it." Yah, all right... -Yah, all right... How much money you got? -How much money you got? I told you, I just got change. -I told you, I just got change. Well give me your fuckin' change and we'll put your fuckin' sandwhich on lay-away. -Well give me your fuckin' change and we'll put your fuckin' sandwhich on lay-away. Why you gotta be an asshole Chuckie? -Why you gotta be an asshole Chuckie? I think you should establish a good line of credit. -Did she get my Double Burger? NO SHE DIDN'T GET YOUR DOUBLE BURGER!! IT'S ALL FUCKIN' FLYIN' FISH FILET!! -Come on, Will... Shut up. -Shut up. No, why didn't you fight him at the park if you wanted to? I'm not goin' now, I'm eatin' my snack. WILL So don't go. -Morgan, Let's go. I'm serious Chuckie, I ain't goin'. -You got fired from pushing a broom, you little bitch. Yah, that was different. Management was restructurin'-- -My uncle can probably get you on my demo team. What the fuck? I just asked you for a job yesterday! -What the fuck? I just asked you for a job yesterday! "I told you ""no"" yesterday!" -Some other guy? "Yeah, he was probably drunker than my Uncle, who fuckin' knows? So the cop goes ""Stay here"" And he goes runnin' down the highway to deal with the other crash. So, my Uncle Marty's standin' on the side of the road for a little while, and he's so fuckin' lit, that he forgets what he's waitin' for. So he goes, ""Fuck it."" He gets in his car and drives home." -"Yeah, he was probably drunker than my Uncle, who fuckin' knows? So the cop goes ""Stay here"" And he goes runnin' down the highway to deal with the other crash. So, my Uncle Marty's standin' on the side of the road for a little while, and he's so fuckin' lit, that he forgets what he's waitin' for. So he goes, ""Fuck it."" He gets in his car and drives home." Holy shit. -Holy shit. "So in the morning, there's a knock on the door it's the Statie. So my Uncle's like, ""Is there a problem?"" And the Statie's like ""I pulled you over and you took off."" And my Uncle's like ""I never seen you before in my life, I been home all night with my kids."" And Statie's like ""Let me get in your garage!"" So he's like ""All right, fine."" He takes around the garage and opens the door --and the Statie's cruiser is in my Uncle's garage." -Did your Uncle get arrested? The fuckin' Trooper was so embarrassed he didn't do anything. The fuckin' guy had been drivin' around in my Uncle's car all night lookin' for the house. -It's a good thing no one's Irish here. I'm Irish. -Chuck, let's go. You're walkin' bitch, Will's takin' the car. -What's up guys? Why don't you beat off at your house? -Why don't you beat off at your house? I don't have a VCR at my house. -Oh my God, I got the most fucked up thing I been meanin' to tell you. Save it for your mother, funny guy. We heard it before. -Save it for your mother, funny guy. We heard it before. Oh, Morgan. -What'd you say about me? Shut the fuck up. -Hey, asshole. Happy Birthday. You thought we forgot, didn't you? I know I'm gettin' my licks in. -Me and Bill scraped together the parts, worked on it. Morgan was out panhandlin' every day. Fuck you, I did the body work. Whose fuckin' router you think sanded out all that bondo? -Fuck you, I did the body work. Whose fuckin' router you think sanded out all that bondo? Guy's been up my ass for two years about a fuckin' job. I had to let him help with the car. -I'm not sure-- --These circumstances are mitigated. Right now. They're mitigated. -Will, our offer starts you at eighty- four thousand a year, plus benefits. Retainer... -Retainer... You want us to give you cash right now? -You want us to give you cash right now? Allegedly, what I am saying is your situation will be concurrently improved if I had two hundred sheets in my pocket right now. -I don't think I...Larry? I have about seventy-three... -I have about seventy-three... Will you take a check? -Will you take a check? Come now...what do you think I am, a juvinile? You don't got any money on you right now. You think I'm gonna take a check? EXECUTIVE It's fine, John, I can cover the rest. -What class did you say that was? History. -History. How'd you like that course? -How'd you like that course? Good, it was all right. -Good, it was all right. "History? Just ""history?"" It must have been a survey course then." -Hey, come on pal we're in classes all day. That's one thing about Harvard never seizes to amaze me, everybody's talkin' about school all the time. "Hey, I'm the last guy to want to talk about school at the bar. But as long as you're here I want to ""seize"" the opportunity to ask you a question." -To tell you the truth, I wasn't there much. The class was rather elementary. Elementary? Oh, I don't doubt that it was. I remember the class, it was just between recess and lunch. -All right, are we gonna have a problem? There's no problem. I was just hoping you could give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the early colonies. My contention is that prior to the Revolutionary War the economic modalities especially of the southern colonies could most aptly be characterized as agrarian pre- capitalist and... -So why do you think I should work for the National Security Agency? Well, you'd be working on the cutting edge. You'd be exposed to the kind of technology you couldn't see anywhere else because we've classified it. Super string theory, Chaos Math, Advanced algorithms-- -Well, you'd be working on the cutting edge. You'd be exposed to the kind of technology you couldn't see anywhere else because we've classified it. Super string theory, Chaos Math, Advanced algorithms-- Codebreaking. -Codebreaking. That's one aspect of what we do. -That's one aspect of what we do. Come on, that's what you do. You handle more than eighty percent of the intelligence workload. You're seven times the size of the C.I.A. -Come on, that's what you do. You handle more than eighty percent of the intelligence workload. You're seven times the size of the C.I.A. "That's exactly right, Will. So the question as I see it isn't ""why should you work for N.S.A."" it's ""why shouldn't you?""" -"That's exactly right, Will. So the question as I see it isn't ""why should you work for N.S.A."" it's ""why shouldn't you?""" Why shouldn't I work for the National Security Agency? That's a tough one. -Okay, you're in your bed, Will. Now how old are you? Seven. -Seven. And what do you see? -And what do you see? Somethin's in my room. -Somethin's in my room. What is it? -What is it? It's like a small figure, hoverin' over me. Gettin' closer. -You're in a safe place, Will. It's touching me. -Where is it touching you? Down there. And I'm nervous. -Down there. And I'm nervous. You don't have to be nervous, Will. -Alexander, I know your theory. The boy is updating, he's strategy stealing... With a Ramses graph on the binary tree-- -With a Ramses graph on the binary tree-- --But what he's doing, he's attaching an edge to the adjacent vertex. He can always failsafe to either side-- ---But what he's doing, he's attaching an edge to the adjacent vertex. He can always failsafe to either side-- Maker can. This is not new, Gerry! -No, there's a limit. The limit is not found! The limit is not found. -"--Maker builds ""K"" to the ""N."" N is three to the K times--" --But-- -Excuse me. Is this the buildings and grounds office? Yeah, can I help you? -Yeah, can I help you? I'm trying to find the name of a student who works here. -I'm trying to find the name of a student who works here. No students work for me. -No students work for me. Could you just check, because the young man who works in my building-- -Could you just check, because the young man who works in my building-- Which one's your building? -Which one's your building? Building two. -Well, if something was stolen, I should know about it. No, no. Nothing like that. I just need his name. TERRY I can't give you his name unless you have a complaint. -No, no. Nothing like that. I just need his name. TERRY I can't give you his name unless you have a complaint. Please, I'm a professor here and it's very important. -Please, I'm a professor here and it's very important. Well, he didn't show up for work today... -Oh, I'm sorry. What're you doing? -What're you doing? I'm sorry. -What's your name? Don't you walk away from me. This is people's work, you can't graffiti here. Hey fuck you. -Hey fuck you. Well... I'll be speaking to your supervisor. -Hello. Gerald Lambeau, M.I.T. Fuck do you want? -Fuck do you want? I've spoken with the judge and he's agreed to release you under my supervision. -I've spoken with the judge and he's agreed to release you under my supervision. Really? -Really? Yes. Under two conditions. -Yes. Under two conditions. What're those? -What're those? That you meet with me twice a week-- -If I agree to this, I walk right now? That's right. -That's right. I'll do the work. I'm not going to meet with a therapist. -I'll do the work. I'm not going to meet with a therapist. Now, it won't be as bad as it sounds, Will. I've already spoken to one therapist, his name is Henry Lipkin and he's a friend of mine. He's also published four books and is widely considered to be one of the brightest men in his field. I'm sure it'll be better than spending the next six months in jail. -This rectangle is subdivided into rectangles. One edge of an inner rectangle is an integer. Can you prove that one edge of the larger rectangle is an integer? Of course. -Of course. Okay. How? -Okay. How? It's an integer proof. -That would be a monumental waste of time, wouldn't it, Will? I think so. -I think so. I happen to know so. -What's that? Half-red, half-black-- -Half-red, half-black-- --that?-- ---that?-- --Half-red, half-black-- ---Half-red, half-black-- --That edge! ---That edge! An integer. -Shall we start the, uh... Yeah, when do I get my hypnosis? You guys been talkin' for twenty minutes. -Oh, for God's sake, Will. Oh, come on! You're not pinnin' this one on me. He left, I wanted to talk to him for another twenty minutes. I was havin' fun. -Oh, come on! You're not pinnin' this one on me. He left, I wanted to talk to him for another twenty minutes. I was havin' fun. I told you to cooperate with these people. -I told you to cooperate with these people. C'mon, that guy was a fuckin' piece of work. -Get out, Will. Okay...don't forget to get another therapist for next week. -Okay...don't forget to get another therapist for next week. That's enough. -No. Will, this is Sean Maguire. Sean, Will Hunting. -This is correct. I see you used Mclullen here-- I don't know what it's called. -I don't know what it's called. --This can't be right. This is going to be very embarrassing. Have you ever considered-- ---This can't be right. This is going to be very embarrassing. Have you ever considered-- I'm pretty sure it's right. -Can I ask you a favor, can we do this at Sean's from now on? 'Cause I leave work to come here and the fuckin' commute is killin' me-- That's fine, but did you ever think-- -That's fine, but did you ever think-- It's right. Take it home with you. -It's right. Take it home with you. Will, what happened at the Tri-tech meeting? -Will, what happened at the Tri-tech meeting? I couldn't go 'cause I had a date. So I sent my cheif negotiator. -I couldn't go 'cause I had a date. So I sent my cheif negotiator. Will, on your own time, you can do what you like. When I set up a meeting, with my associates, and you don't show up it reflects poorly on me. -Will, on your own time, you can do what you like. When I set up a meeting, with my associates, and you don't show up it reflects poorly on me. Then don't set up any more meetings. -Then don't set up any more meetings. I'll cancel every meeting right now. I'll give you a job myself. I just wanted you to see what was out there. -I'll cancel every meeting right now. I'll give you a job myself. I just wanted you to see what was out there. --Maybe I don't want to spend my life sittin' around and explaining shit to people. ---Maybe I don't want to spend my life sittin' around and explaining shit to people. The least you can do is show me a little appreciation. -The least you can do is show me a little appreciation. --You know how fuckin' easy this is to me? This is a joke! And I'm sorry you can't do this. I really am. 'Cause if you could I wouldn't be forced to watch you fumble around and fuck it up. ---You know how fuckin' easy this is to me? This is a joke! And I'm sorry you can't do this. I really am. 'Cause if you could I wouldn't be forced to watch you fumble around and fuck it up. Sure, then you'd have more time to sit around and get drunk. Think of how many fights you could have been in by now. -Well, I'm sorry. So am I. Yes. That's right, Will. Most days I wish I never met you. Because then I could sleep at night. I wouldn't have to walk around with the knowledge that someone like you was out there. And I wouldn't have to watch you throw it all away. -What are you smiling at? It's a Carlton Fisk baseball card. -I can come back. No, that's fine, Will. I was just leaving. -Will. Hey, how you doin'? -Hey, how you doin'? You know, you're no longer required to come here. -You know, you're no longer required to come here. I was just sayin' goodbye to Sean. -I was just sayin' goodbye to Sean. Sam called me. From Tri-tech. He says you start working for them next week. -Thank you. I just want you to know...It's been a pleasure. -I just want you to know...It's been a pleasure. Bullshit. -This job... Do it if it's what you really want. I appreciate that. -Yes. Listen, I'll be nearby so, if you need some help, or you get stuck again, don't be afraid to give me a call. -Listen, I'll be nearby so, if you need some help, or you get stuck again, don't be afraid to give me a call. Thank you, Will. I'll do that. -Excuse me, Professor Lambeau? Yes. -Yes. I'm in your applied theories class. We're all down at the Math and Science building. -I'm in your applied theories class. We're all down at the Math and Science building. It's Saturday. -It's Saturday. I know. We just couldn't wait 'till Monday to find out. -I know. We just couldn't wait 'till Monday to find out. Find out what? -Find out what? Who proved the theorem. -Good to meet you. Pleasure to meet you. -Excuse me, Timmy. Could you help us? We're trying to settle a bet. Uh-oh. -Uh-oh. Have you heard of Jonas Salk? -Have you heard of Jonas Salk? Yeah, cured polio. -Yeah, cured polio. You've heard of Albert Einstein? -How about Gerald Lambeau? Ever heard of him? No. LAMBEAU Okay thank you, Timmy. -No. LAMBEAU Okay thank you, Timmy. So who won the bet? -So who won the bet? I did. -Sean. Well, it seems we're in the presence of greatness. Professor Gerald Lambeau is a Field's Medal winner. Combunatorial Mathematics. 1986. -Hello. The Field's Medal is the Nobel Prize for math. But it's only given out every four years. -Good to see you. Good to see you. -Good to see you. Is there someplace we can talk? -I didn't see you at the reunion. I've been busy. -I've been busy. You were missed. How long has it been since we've seen each other? -You were missed. How long has it been since we've seen each other? Since Nancy died. -Since Nancy died. I'm sorry, that damn conference-- -I'm sorry, that damn conference-- I got your card. -I've been busy, Gerry. I got a full schedule. This kid's special, Sean. I've never seen anything like him. -This kid's special, Sean. I've never seen anything like him. Not much free time, Gerry. LAMBEAU Have you ever heard of a man named Ramanujan? -Yeah. He was alive over a hundred years ago. He was Indian. Dots, not feathers... -And he mailed it to Hardy-- --That's right, Sean. He mailed it to a professor at Cambridge who immediately recognized the brilliance in his work and brought Ramanujan to England. ---That's right, Sean. He mailed it to a professor at Cambridge who immediately recognized the brilliance in his work and brought Ramanujan to England. Where he contracted pneumonia and died at a young age-- -Where he contracted pneumonia and died at a young age-- They worked together for the remainder of their lives, producing some of the most exciting math theory ever done. Ramanujan's genius was unparalleled, Sean. This boy is like that. But he's very defensive and I need someone who can get through to him. -They worked together for the remainder of their lives, producing some of the most exciting math theory ever done. Ramanujan's genius was unparalleled, Sean. This boy is like that. But he's very defensive and I need someone who can get through to him. Why me? -Why me? I need someone with your kind of background. -I need someone with your kind of background. My kind of background? -My kind of background? You're from the same neighborhood. South Boston. -You're from the same neighborhood. South Boston. He's from Southie? How many people did you try before you came to me? -He's from Southie? How many people did you try before you came to me? Five. -Not Rick? You didn't send him to Rick? Just meet with the boy once a week. -Just meet with the boy once a week. Can we do it at my office? -Can we do it at my office? That would be fine. -I got it. It's on the college. -Any vulnerability he senses, he'll exploit. I'll be okay. -I'll be okay. It's a poker game with this young man. Don't let him see what you've got. -Would you excuse us? Tom. -Tom. You too, Gerry. -"What do you mean ""he didn't talk?"" You sat there for an hour?" No, he just sat there and counted the seconds until the session was over. It was pretty impressive, actually. -No, he just sat there and counted the seconds until the session was over. It was pretty impressive, actually. Why would he do that? -Why would he do that? To show me he doesn't have to talk to me if he doesn't want to. -To show me he doesn't have to talk to me if he doesn't want to. "Oh, what is this? Some kind of staring contest between two kids from the ""old neighborhood?""" -"Oh, what is this? Some kind of staring contest between two kids from the ""old neighborhood?""" I won't talk first. -Gerry! Any trouble finding the place? Not at all. -Not at all. Timmy this is Gerry, an old friend of mine. We went to college together. -You're here quite a bit, then. I live right around the corner. -I live right around the corner. You moved? -You moved? I been here a couple years. -Seems like it's going well. I think so. -I think so. Well, have you talked to him at all about his future? -Well, have you talked to him at all about his future? We haven't really gotten into it. LAMBEAU Maybe you should. My phone's been ringing off the hook with job offers. -We haven't really gotten into it. LAMBEAU Maybe you should. My phone's been ringing off the hook with job offers. Jobs doing what? -Jobs doing what? Cutting edge mathematics. Think tanks. The kind of place where a mind like Will's is given free reign. -Cutting edge mathematics. Think tanks. The kind of place where a mind like Will's is given free reign. That's great, Gerry, that there's interest-- But I'm not sure he's ready for that. -That's great, Gerry, that there's interest-- But I'm not sure he's ready for that. Sean, I really don't think you understand-- -Sean, I really don't think you understand-- What don't I understand? -He married his cousin. Who? -Who? Einstein. Had two marriages, both train-wrecks. The guy never saw his kids, one of whom, I think, ended up in an asylum-- -You see, Sean? That's exactly not the point. No one remembers that. They-- I do. -I do. Well, you're the only one. -Just...take it easy, Gerry. Look, I don't know what else I can say. I'm not sitting at home every night, twisting my mustache and hatching a plan to ruin the boy's life. But it's important to start early. I was doing advanced mathematics at eighteen and it still took me twenty-three years to do something worthy of a Field's medal. -Look, I don't know what else I can say. I'm not sitting at home every night, twisting my mustache and hatching a plan to ruin the boy's life. But it's important to start early. I was doing advanced mathematics at eighteen and it still took me twenty-three years to do something worthy of a Field's medal. Maybe he doesn't care about that. -Sean, this is important. And it's above personal rivalry-- Now wait a minute, Gerry-- -Now wait a minute, Gerry-- --No, no you hear me out, Sean. This young man is a true prodigy-- ---No, no you hear me out, Sean. This young man is a true prodigy-- --Personal rivalry? I'm not getting back at you. ---Personal rivalry? I'm not getting back at you. Look, you took one road and I took another. That's fine. -Look, you took one road and I took another. That's fine. Is it Gerry? 'Cause I don't think it's fine with you. Give him time to figure out what he wants. -Is it Gerry? 'Cause I don't think it's fine with you. Give him time to figure out what he wants. That's a wonderful theory, Sean. It worked wonders for you. -This is a disaster! I brought you in here to help me with this boy, not to run him out-- Now wait a minute-- -Now wait a minute-- --And confuse him-- ---And confuse him-- --Gerry-- ---Gerry-- --And here I am for the second week in a row with my professional reputation at stake-- ---And here I am for the second week in a row with my professional reputation at stake-- Hold on! -Hold on! --Ready to falsify documents because you've given him license to walk away from this. ---Ready to falsify documents because you've given him license to walk away from this. I know what I'm doing and I know why I'm here! -I know what I'm doing and I know why I'm here! Look Sean, I don't care if you have a rapport with the boy-- I don't care if you have a few laughs-- even at my expense! But don't you dare undermine what I'm trying to do here. -Look Sean, I don't care if you have a rapport with the boy-- I don't care if you have a few laughs-- even at my expense! But don't you dare undermine what I'm trying to do here. """Undermine?""" -"""Undermine?""" He has a gift and with that gift comes responsibility. And you don't understand that he's at a fragile point-- -He has a gift and with that gift comes responsibility. And you don't understand that he's at a fragile point-- He is at a fragile point. He's got problems-- -He is at a fragile point. He's got problems-- What problems does he have, Sean, that he is better off as a janitor or in jail or hanging around with-- -What problems does he have, Sean, that he is better off as a janitor or in jail or hanging around with-- Why do you think he does that, Gerry? -Why do you think he does that, Gerry? He can handle the work, he can handle the pressure and he's obviously handled you. -He can handle the work, he can handle the pressure and he's obviously handled you. Why is he hiding? Why is he a janitor? Why doesn't he trust anybody? Because the first thing that happened to him was that he was abandoned by the people who were supposed to love him the most! -Why is he hiding? Why is he a janitor? Why doesn't he trust anybody? Because the first thing that happened to him was that he was abandoned by the people who were supposed to love him the most! Oh, come on, Sean-- -Oh, come on, Sean-- --And why does he hang out with his friends? Because any one of those kids would come in here and take a bat to your head if he asked them to. It's called loyalty! ---And why does he hang out with his friends? Because any one of those kids would come in here and take a bat to your head if he asked them to. It's called loyalty! Oh, that's nice-- -Oh, that's nice-- --And who do you think he's handling? He pushes people away before they have a chance to leave him. And for 20 years he's been alone because of that. And if you try to push him into this, it's going to be the same thing all over again. And I'm not going to let that happen to him! ---And who do you think he's handling? He pushes people away before they have a chance to leave him. And for 20 years he's been alone because of that. And if you try to push him into this, it's going to be the same thing all over again. And I'm not going to let that happen to him! Now don't do that. Don't you do that! Don't infect him with the idea that it's okay to quit. That it's okay to be a failure, because it's not okay! If you're angry at me for being successful, for being what you could have been-- -Now don't do that. Don't you do that! Don't infect him with the idea that it's okay to quit. That it's okay to be a failure, because it's not okay! If you're angry at me for being successful, for being what you could have been-- --I'm not angry at you-- ---I'm not angry at you-- --Yes you are, Sean. You resent me. And I'm not going to apologize for any success that I've had. ---Yes you are, Sean. You resent me. And I'm not going to apologize for any success that I've had. --I don't have any anger at you-- ---I don't have any anger at you-- Yes you do. You're angry at me for doing what you could have done. Ask yourself if you want Will to feel that way for the rest of his life, to feel like a failure. -Yes you do. You're angry at me for doing what you could have done. Ask yourself if you want Will to feel that way for the rest of his life, to feel like a failure. That's it. That's why I don't come to the goddamn reunions! Becaue I can't stand the look in your eye when you see me! You think I'm a failure! I know who I am. I'm proud of who I am. And all of you, you think I'm some kind of pity case! You with your sycophant students following you around. And you Goddamn Medal! -That's it. That's why I don't come to the goddamn reunions! Becaue I can't stand the look in your eye when you see me! You think I'm a failure! I know who I am. I'm proud of who I am. And all of you, you think I'm some kind of pity case! You with your sycophant students following you around. And you Goddamn Medal! --Is that what this is about, Sean? The Field's Medal? Do you want me to go home and get it for you? Then will you let the boy-- ---Is that what this is about, Sean? The Field's Medal? Do you want me to go home and get it for you? Then will you let the boy-- --I don't want your trophy and I don't give a shit about it! 'Cause I knew you when!! You and Jack and Tom Sanders. I knew you when you were homesick and pimply-faced and didn't know what side of the bed to piss on! ---I don't want your trophy and I don't give a shit about it! 'Cause I knew you when!! You and Jack and Tom Sanders. I knew you when you were homesick and pimply-faced and didn't know what side of the bed to piss on! That's right! You were smarter than us then and you're smarter than us now! So don't blame me for how your life turned out. It's not my fault. -That's right! You were smarter than us then and you're smarter than us now! So don't blame me for how your life turned out. It's not my fault. I don't blame you! It's not about that! It's about the boy! 'Cause he's a good kid! And I won't see this happen to him-- I won't see you make him feel like a failure too! -I don't blame you! It's not about that! It's about the boy! 'Cause he's a good kid! And I won't see this happen to him-- I won't see you make him feel like a failure too! He won't be a failure! -He won't be a failure! If you push him into something, if you ride him-- -If you push him into something, if you ride him-- You're wrong, Sean. I'm where I am today because I was pushed. And because I learned to push myself! -You're wrong, Sean. I'm where I am today because I was pushed. And because I learned to push myself! He's not you! -Hello, Sean. Come in. -Come in. Sean... -Sean... Me too. -So I hear you're taking some time. Yeah. Summer vacation. Thought I'd travel some. Maybe write a little bit. -Yeah. Summer vacation. Thought I'd travel some. Maybe write a little bit. Where're you going? -Where're you going? I don't know. India maybe. -I don't know. India maybe. Why there? -Why there? Never been. -Do you know when you'll be back? I got this mailer the other day. Class of Sixty-five is having this event in six months. -I got this mailer the other day. Class of Sixty-five is having this event in six months. I got one of those too. -I got one of those too. You should come. I'll buy you a drink. -How about one now? Sounds good. -Sean, do you have any idea what the odds are against winning the lottery? I don't know... Gotta be at least four to one. -I don't know... Gotta be at least four to one. About thirty million to one. -About thirty million to one. You're pretty quick with those numbers. How about the odds of me buying the first round? -You're pretty quick with those numbers. How about the odds of me buying the first round? About thirty million to one. -I called Mel Weintraub this morning, to check for availability. What's the point? -What's the point? What do you want to do? -What do you want to do? There is somebody... -There is somebody... Who is he? -Who is he? He was my roommate in college. -What should I do? The boy was here. He came in, sat down and we worked together. -It's walkin' pretty slow at this point. You guys are fuckin' sick. -I could go for a Whopper. "Let's hit ""Kelly's.""" -Well, she out did herself today... I don't got a crush on her. -What happened? You got fired, huh? Yeah, Morgan. I got fired. -Yeah, Morgan. I got fired. How fuckin' retarded do you have to be to get shit-canned from that job? How hard is it to push a fuckin' broom? -"There goes that fuckin' Barney right now, with his fuckin' ""skiin' trip."" We should'a kicked that dude's ass." Hold up. -Will, I can't believe you brought Skylar here when we're all wrecked. What's she gonna think about us? Yeah, Morgan. It's a real rarity that we'd be out drinkin'. -So, you finally got a job Morgan? Had one, now I'm fucked again. -Had one, now I'm fucked again. So what do you got, a fuckin' Hyundai engine under there? Can I make it back to my house? -That's why I love stock-car racin'. That Dale Ernhart's real good. Now you know Will, and I know, what you need to be doing. You have a gift. -Now you know Will, and I know, what you need to be doing. You have a gift. I could work the pit maybe, but I could never drive like Dale Ernhart-- -I could work the pit maybe, but I could never drive like Dale Ernhart-- "--you have a quality-- something you were born with, that you have no control over- and you are, in a sense, hiding that by becoming a janitor. And I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm friends with the janitor that works in my building. He's been to my house for dinner. As a matter of fact I did some free consultation for ""Mike"" -- that's not his real name. That's in my book." -"--you have a quality-- something you were born with, that you have no control over- and you are, in a sense, hiding that by becoming a janitor. And I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm friends with the janitor that works in my building. He's been to my house for dinner. As a matter of fact I did some free consultation for ""Mike"" -- that's not his real name. That's in my book." "Yeah, I read your book. ""Mike"" had the same problems as ""Chad"" the stockbroker." -"Yeah, I read your book. ""Mike"" had the same problems as ""Chad"" the stockbroker." Yes. The pressures you feel, and again, I am neither labeling nor judging them, are keeping you from fulfilling your potential -- you're in a rut. So stop the Tom Foolery -- the Shenanigan's, Will. -Yes. The pressures you feel, and again, I am neither labeling nor judging them, are keeping you from fulfilling your potential -- you're in a rut. So stop the Tom Foolery -- the Shenanigan's, Will. You're right. I know. -You're right. I know. Will, your not getting off that easy. -Will, your not getting off that easy. No, but, I mean you know...I do other things. That no one knows about. -No, but, I mean you know...I do other things. That no one knows about. Like what, Will? -Like what, Will? I go places, I interact. -I go places, I interact. What places? -What places? Certain, clubs. Like, Paradise. It's not bad. -I might understand that. Do you find it hard to hide the fact that you're gay? -Do you find it hard to hide the fact that you're gay? What? -What? C'mon, I read your book. I talked to you. It's just something I know to be true. -C'mon, I read your book. I talked to you. It's just something I know to be true. That's very presumptuous. -That's very presumptuous. Buddy, two seconds ago you were ready to give me a jump. -Buddy, two seconds ago you were ready to give me a jump. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm married and I have two children. -Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm married and I have two children. I'm sure you do. You probably got a real nice house, nice car -- your book's a best seller. -I'm sure you do. You probably got a real nice house, nice car -- your book's a best seller. You're getting defensive, Will. -You're getting defensive, Will. Look, man. I don't care if you're putting from the rough. There are solid arguments that some of the greatest people in history were gay; Alexander the Great, Caeser, Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, Napoleon, Gertrude Stein, not to mention Danny Terrio, not many straight men can dance like that. -Look, man. I don't care if you're putting from the rough. There are solid arguments that some of the greatest people in history were gay; Alexander the Great, Caeser, Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, Napoleon, Gertrude Stein, not to mention Danny Terrio, not many straight men can dance like that. "Who is ""Danny Terrio?""" -"Who is ""Danny Terrio?""" "If you wanna hit ""Ramrod,"" take your shot. Take some pride in it. You go to church? So fuckin' what, God loves you. I mean, Christ. A guy as well known as you? By the time you put your disguise on and skulk out of the house Sunday nights you probably look like ""Inspector Cluseau.""" -Well, I can see this is pointless... You're getting defensive...Henry. And hey, cheif--tell the wife, at least. Christ, set her free. -"Did you buy all these books retail, or do you send away for like a ""shrink kit"" that comes with all these volumes included?" Have you read all these books, Will? -Have you read all these books, Will? Probably not. -Probably not. How about the ones on that shelf? -Yeah, I read those. What did you think? -What did you think? I'm not here for a fuckin' book report. They're your books, why don't you read 'em? -I'm not here for a fuckin' book report. They're your books, why don't you read 'em? I did. -I did. That must have taken you a long time. -That must have taken you a long time. Yeah, it did take me a long time. -"""A History of the United States, Volume I."" If you want to read a real history book, read Howard Zinn's ""A People's History of the United States."" That book will knock you on your ass." "How about Noam Chomsky's ""Manufacturing Consent?""" -"How about Noam Chomsky's ""Manufacturing Consent?""" You people baffle me. You spend all this money on beautiful, fancy books-- and they're the wrong fuckin' books. -You people baffle me. You spend all this money on beautiful, fancy books-- and they're the wrong fuckin' books. You think so? -You think so? Whatever blows your hair back. -Guy your age shouldn't smoke so much. Stunt your growth. You're right. It really gets in the way of my jazzercizing. -Yes, I do. Nautilus? -Nautilus? Free weights. WILL Oh yeah? Me too. What do you bench? -Free weights. WILL Oh yeah? Me too. What do you bench? 285. -285. Oh. -Yeah. Do you paint? No. -No. Crayons? -Crayons? This is a real piece of shit. -This is a real piece of shit. Tell me what you really think. -Tell me what you really think. Poor color composition, lousy use of space. But that shit doesn't really concern me. -Poor color composition, lousy use of space. But that shit doesn't really concern me. What does? -What does? The color here, see how dark it is? It's interesting. -The color here, see how dark it is? It's interesting. What is? -What is? I think you're one step away from cutting your ear off. -I think you're one step away from cutting your ear off. "Oh, ""Starry Night"" time, huh?" -"Oh, ""Starry Night"" time, huh?" "You ever heard the saying, ""any port in a storm?""" -"You ever heard the saying, ""any port in a storm?""" "Sure, how 'bout ""still waters run deep""--" -"Sure, how 'bout ""still waters run deep""--" --Well, maybe that means you. ---Well, maybe that means you. Maybe what mea-- -Maybe you should be a patient and sit down. Maybe you married the wrong woman. -Maybe you married the wrong woman. Watch your mouth. -Watch your mouth. That's it isn't it? You married the wrong woman. She leave you? Was she bangin' someone else? -If you ever disrespect my wife again...I will end you. Time's up. -So what's with this place? You have a swan fetish? Is this something you'd like to talk about? I was thinking about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. I stayed up half the night thinking about it and then something occured to me and I fell into a deep peaceful sleep and haven't thought about you since. You know what occurred to me? -I was thinking about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. I stayed up half the night thinking about it and then something occured to me and I fell into a deep peaceful sleep and haven't thought about you since. You know what occurred to me? No. -No. You're just a boy. You don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about. -You're just a boy. You don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about. Why thank you. -Why thank you. You've never been out of Boston. -You've never been out of Boston. No. -No. "So if I asked you about art you could give me the skinny on every art book ever written...Michelangelo? You know a lot about him I bet. Life's work, criticisms, political aspirations. But you couldn't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. And if I asked you about women I'm sure you could give me a syllabus of your personal favorites, and maybe you've been laid a few times too. But you couldn't tell me how it feels to wake up next to a woman and be truly happy. If I asked you about war you could refer me to a bevy of fictional and non-fictional material, but you've never been in one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap and watched him draw his last breath, looking to you for help. And if I asked you about love I'd get a sonnet, but you've never looked at a woman and been truly vulnerable. Known that someone could kill you with a look. That someone could rescue you from grief. That God had put an angel on Earth just for you. And you wouldn't know how it felt to be her angel. To have the love be there for her forever. Through anything, through cancer. You wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in a hospital room for two months holding her hand and not leaving because the doctors could see in your eyes that the term ""visiting hours"" didn't apply to you. And you wouldn't know about real loss, because that only occurs when you lose something you love more than yourself, and you've never dared to love anything that much. I look at you and I don't see an intelligent confident man, I don't see a peer, and I don't see my equal. I see a boy. Nobody could possibly understand you, right Will? Yet you presume to know so much about me because of a painting you saw. You must know everything about me. You're an orphan, right?" -"You know, I was on this plane once. And I'm sittin' there and the captain comes on and is like ""we'll be cruising at 35,000 feet,"" and does his thing, then he puts the mike down but forgets to turn it off. Then he says ""man, all I want right now is a blow-job and a cup of coffee."" So the stewardess goes runnin' up towards the cock-pit to tell him the mike's still on, and this guy in the back of the plane goes ""don't forget the coffee!""" You've never been on a plane. -You've never been on a plane. I know, but the joke's better if I tell it in the first person. -Yeah? You got a lady now? Yeah, I went on a date last week. -Yeah, I went on a date last week. How'd it go? -How'd it go? Fine. -Fine. Well, are you going out again? -Well, are you going out again? I don't know. -I don't know. Why not? -Why not? Haven't called her. -Haven't called her. Jesus Christ, you are an amateur. -Jesus Christ, you are an amateur. I know what I'm doing. She's different from the other girls I met. We have a really good time. She's smart, beautiful, fun... -I know what I'm doing. She's different from the other girls I met. We have a really good time. She's smart, beautiful, fun... So Christ, call her up. -So Christ, call her up. Why? So I can realize she's not so smart. That she's boring. You don't get it. Right now she's perfect, I don't want to ruin that. -Why? So I can realize she's not so smart. That she's boring. You don't get it. Right now she's perfect, I don't want to ruin that. And right now you're perfect too. Maybe you don't want to ruin that. -I teach this shit, I didn't say I knew how to do it. You ever think about gettin' remarried? -You ever think about gettin' remarried? My wife's dead. -My wife's dead. Hence, the word remarried. -Hence, the word remarried. My wife's dead. -My wife's dead. Well I think that's a wonderful philosophy, Sean. That way you can go through the rest of your life without having to really know anyone. -Really? How'd the date go? WILL Do you still counsel veterans? I read your book last night. No, I don't. -No, I don't. Why not? -Why not? I gave that up when my wife got sick. -I gave that up when my wife got sick. Is that why you didn't write anything else? -Is that why you didn't write anything else? I didn't write anything else 'cause nobody, including most of my colleagues bothered to read the first one. -I didn't write anything else 'cause nobody, including most of my colleagues bothered to read the first one. Well, I've read you colleagues. Your book was good, Sean. All those guys were in your platoon? -Well, I've read you colleagues. Your book was good, Sean. All those guys were in your platoon? Yeah. -Yeah. What happened to that guy from Kentucky? -What happened to that guy from Kentucky? Lon? He got married. He has a kid. I kind of lost touch with him after Nancy got sick. -Lon? He got married. He has a kid. I kind of lost touch with him after Nancy got sick. Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you never met your wife? -Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you never met your wife? What? Do I wonder if I'd be better off if I never met my wife? -You don't regret meetin' your wife? Why? Because of the pain I feel now? I have regrets Will, but I don't regret a singel day I spent with her. -Why? Because of the pain I feel now? I have regrets Will, but I don't regret a singel day I spent with her. When did you know she was the one? -When did you know she was the one? October 21, 1975. Game six of the World Series. Biggest game in Red Sox history, Me and my friends slept out on the sidewalk all night to get tickets. We were sitting in a bar waiting for the game to start and in walks this girl. What a game that was. Tie game in the bottom of the tenth inning, in steps Carlton Fisk, hit a long fly ball down the left field line. Thirty-five thousand fans on their feet, screamin' at the ball to stay fair. Fisk is runnin' up the baseline, wavin' at the ball like a madman. It hits the foul pole, home run. Thirty-five thousand people went crazy. And I wasn't one of them. -October 21, 1975. Game six of the World Series. Biggest game in Red Sox history, Me and my friends slept out on the sidewalk all night to get tickets. We were sitting in a bar waiting for the game to start and in walks this girl. What a game that was. Tie game in the bottom of the tenth inning, in steps Carlton Fisk, hit a long fly ball down the left field line. Thirty-five thousand fans on their feet, screamin' at the ball to stay fair. Fisk is runnin' up the baseline, wavin' at the ball like a madman. It hits the foul pole, home run. Thirty-five thousand people went crazy. And I wasn't one of them. Where were you? -Where were you? I was havin' a drink with my future wife. -I was havin' a drink with my future wife. You missed Pudge Fisk's homerun to have a drink with a woman you had never met? -You missed Pudge Fisk's homerun to have a drink with a woman you had never met? That's right. -That's right. So wait a minute. The Red Sox haven't won a World Series since nineteen eighteen, you slept out for tickets, games gonna start in twenty minutes, in walks a girl you never seen before, and you give your ticket away? -So wait a minute. The Red Sox haven't won a World Series since nineteen eighteen, you slept out for tickets, games gonna start in twenty minutes, in walks a girl you never seen before, and you give your ticket away? You should have seen this girl. She lit up the room. -You should have seen this girl. She lit up the room. I don't care if Helen of Troy walked into that bar! That's game six of the World Series! -"I just slid my ticket across the table and said ""sorry fellas, I gotta go see about a girl.""" """I gotta go see about a girl""? What did they say?" -"""I gotta go see about a girl""? What did they say?" They could see that I meant it. -They could see that I meant it. You're kiddin' me. -You're kiddin' me. No Will, I'm not kiddin' you. If I had gone to see that game I'd be in here talkin' abouta girl I saw at a bar twenty years ago. And how I always regretted not goin' over there and talkin' to her. I don't regret the eighteen years we were married. I don't regret givin' up couseling for six years when she got sick. I don't regret being by her side for the last two years when things got real bad. And I sure as Hell don't regret missing that damn game. -Would have been nice to catch that game though. Well hell, I didn't know Pudge was gonna hit the home run. -So you might be working for Uncle Sam. I don't know. -I don't know. Gerry says the meeting went well. -Gerry says the meeting went well. I guess. -I guess. What did you think? -What did you think? What did I think? -Do you think you're alone? What? -What? Do you have a soul-mate? -Do you have a soul-mate? Define that. -Define that. Someone who challenges you in every way. Who takes you places, opens things up for you. A soul-mate. -Someone who challenges you in every way. Who takes you places, opens things up for you. A soul-mate. Yeah. -They're all dead. Not to me, they're not. -Not to me, they're not. But you can't give back to them, Will. -But you can't give back to them, Will. Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts, no... -Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts, no... That's what I'm saying, Will. You'll never have that kind of relationship in a world where you're afraid to take the first step because all you're seeing are the negative things that might happen ten miles down the road. -That's what I'm saying, Will. You'll never have that kind of relationship in a world where you're afraid to take the first step because all you're seeing are the negative things that might happen ten miles down the road. Oh, what? You're going to take the professor's side on this? -Oh, what? You're going to take the professor's side on this? Don't give me you line of shit. -Don't give me you line of shit. I didn't want the job. -I didn't want the job. It's not about that job. I'm not saying you should work for the government. But, you could do anything you want. And there are people who work their whole lives layin' brick so their kids have a chance at the kind of opportunity you have. What do you want to do? -It's not about that job. I'm not saying you should work for the government. But, you could do anything you want. And there are people who work their whole lives layin' brick so their kids have a chance at the kind of opportunity you have. What do you want to do? I didn't ask for this. -I didn't ask for this. Nobody gets what they ask for, Will. That's a cop-out. -Nobody gets what they ask for, Will. That's a cop-out. Why is it a cop-out? I don't see anythin' wrong with layin' brick, that's somebody's home I'm buildin'. Or fixin' somebody's car, somebody's gonna get to work the next day 'cause of me. There's honor in that. -Why is it a cop-out? I don't see anythin' wrong with layin' brick, that's somebody's home I'm buildin'. Or fixin' somebody's car, somebody's gonna get to work the next day 'cause of me. There's honor in that. You're right, Will. Any man who takes a forty minute train ride so those college kids can come in in the morning and their floors will be clean and their trash cans will be empty is an honorable man. -What? If you won't answer my questions, you're wasting my time. -If you won't answer my questions, you're wasting my time. What? -I been there. I played my hand. That's right. And you fuckin' lost! And some people would have the sack to lose a big hand like that and still come back and ante up again! -That's right. And you fuckin' lost! And some people would have the sack to lose a big hand like that and still come back and ante up again! Look at me. What do you want to do? -Well, I'm here. So, is that my problem? I'm afraid of being abandoned? That was easy. Look, a lot of that stuff goes back a long way. And it's between me and him and it has nothing to do with you. -Look, a lot of that stuff goes back a long way. And it's between me and him and it has nothing to do with you. Do you want to talk about it? -Oh, this is your file. I have to send it back to the Judge with my evaluation. You're not going to fail me are you? -You want to read it? No. Have you had any experience with that? -No. Have you had any experience with that? Twenty years of counselling you see a lot of-- -Twenty years of counselling you see a lot of-- --No, have you had any experience with that? ---No, have you had any experience with that? Yes. -Yes. It sure ain't good. -Gotta go with the belt there... I used to go with the wrench. -I used to go with the wrench. The wrench, why? -The wrench, why? Cause fuck him, that's why. -Oh, I know. It's not your fault. -It's not your fault. I know. -I know. It's not your fault. -It's not your fault. I know. -I know. It's not your fault. -It's not your fault. I know. -I know. It's not your fault. -It's not your fault. Don't fuck with me. -Don't fuck with me. It's not your fault. -It's not your fault. I know. -I know. It's not... -It's not... I know, I know... -Which one did you take, Will? Over at Tri-tech. One of the jobs Professor Lambeau set me up with. I haven't told him yet, but I talked to my new boss over there and he seemed like a nice guy. -Over at Tri-tech. One of the jobs Professor Lambeau set me up with. I haven't told him yet, but I talked to my new boss over there and he seemed like a nice guy. That's what you want? -That's what you want? Yeah, I think so. -Yeah, I think so. Good for you. Congratulations. -Good for you. Congratulations. Thanks you. So, that's it? We're done? -Thanks you. So, that's it? We're done? We're done. You did your time. You're a free man. -I just want you to know, Sean... You're Welcome, Will. -You're Welcome, Will. I'll keep in touch. -I'll keep in touch. I'm gonna travel a little bit, so I don't know where I'll be. -No. Thank you. Does this violate the patient/doctor relationship? -Does this violate the patient/doctor relationship? Only if you grab my ass. -See ya. Good luck. -You suck. What? -What? I've been sitting over there for forty- five minutes waiting for you to come talk to me. But I'm just tired now and I have to go home and I wasn't going to keep sitting there waiting for you. -I've been sitting over there for forty- five minutes waiting for you to come talk to me. But I'm just tired now and I have to go home and I wasn't going to keep sitting there waiting for you. I'm Will. -I'm Will. Skylar. And by the way. That guy over there is a real dick and I just wanted you to know he didn't come with us. -Skylar. And by the way. That guy over there is a real dick and I just wanted you to know he didn't come with us. I kind of got that impression. -I kind of got that impression. Well, look, I have to go. Gotta' get up early and waste some more money on my overpriced education. -Well, look, I have to go. Gotta' get up early and waste some more money on my overpriced education. I didn't mean you. Listen, maybe... -I didn't mean you. Listen, maybe... Here's my number. -Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels. What? -What? When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee. -When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee. Okay, sounds good. -Five minutes. What? -What? I was trying to be smooth. But at twelve-fifteen I was gonna come over there and talk to you. -I was trying to be smooth. But at twelve-fifteen I was gonna come over there and talk to you. See, it's my life story. Five more minutes and I would have got to hear your best pick-up line. -See, it's my life story. Five more minutes and I would have got to hear your best pick-up line. The caramel thing is my pick-up line. -Yeah? It's Will, the really funny good looking guy you met at the bar? -It's Will, the really funny good looking guy you met at the bar? I'm sorry, I don't recall meeting anyone who fits that description. -I'm sorry, I don't recall meeting anyone who fits that description. Okay, you got me. It's the ugly, obnoxious, toothless loser who got drunk and wouldn't leave you alone all night. -Okay, you got me. It's the ugly, obnoxious, toothless loser who got drunk and wouldn't leave you alone all night. Oh Will! I was wondering when you'd call. -Oh Will! I was wondering when you'd call. Yeah, I figured maybe sometime this week we could go to a cafe and have some caramels. -Yeah, I figured maybe sometime this week we could go to a cafe and have some caramels. Sounds good, where are you now? -Sounds good, where are you now? You aren't, by any chance, Pre-law? Are you? -I don't know, it was just kind of the boring suburban thing. Private school, Harvard, and now Med. School. I actually figured out that at the end of it, my brain will be worth a quarter of a million dollars. I shouldn't have told you that... I bet your parents were happy to pay. -I bet your parents were happy to pay. I was happy to pay. I inherited the money. -I was happy to pay. I inherited the money. Is Harvard gettin' all that money? -Is Harvard gettin' all that money? Stanford. I'm leaving in June after I graduate. -Stanford. I'm leaving in June after I graduate. So you just want to use me and go? -So you just want to use me and go? Well, I'm gonna experiment on you for my anatomy class, then go. -Well, I'm gonna experiment on you for my anatomy class, then go. In that case, fine. Want to see my magic trick? -In that case, fine. Want to see my magic trick? Sure. -Now, I'm gonna make all these caramels disappear. Okay... -Have you ever seen Annie Hall? No. -No. Well, there's this part of the movie that's about how there's always this tension on a first date where both people are thinking about what's going to happen with the whole 'good night kiss' thing. -I really don't 'date' that much. You know what I mean. I know you've at least thought about it. -You know what I mean. I know you've at least thought about it. No I haven't... -No I haven't... Yes you have. You were thinking you were gonna get a good night kiss. -Yes you have. You were thinking you were gonna get a good night kiss. No I wasn't... -No I wasn't... Yes you were. -Yes you were. "I was kinda' hopin' to get a ""good night laid"" but...I'll take a kiss." -Oh, you will? No...I was hoping to get a kiss. -No...I was hoping to get a kiss. Then why don't we just get it out of the way. -Free? Hey, I spent all my money on those caramels. -You grew up around here? Not far from here, South Boston. -Not far from here, South Boston. How was that? -How was that? Pretty boring, I guess. -I bet you have a great family. You know, nothing special. -You know, nothing special. You have a lot of brothers and sisters? -You have a lot of brothers and sisters? Do I have a lot of brothers and sisters? -Do I have a lot of brothers and sisters? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, Irish Catholic. What do you think? -Well, Irish Catholic. What do you think? How many? -How many? You wouldn't believe me if I told you. -You wouldn't believe me if I told you. What, five? -I have twelve big brothers. Not a chance. -Not a chance. Yup, you're lookin' at lucky thirteen. -Yup, you're lookin' at lucky thirteen. Bullshit. -Bullshit. I swear to God. -I swear to God. Your house must have been a zoo. -Your house must have been a zoo. It was great. There was always someone to play with, give you advice. -It was great. There was always someone to play with, give you advice. Do you know all their names? -Do you know all their names? 'Course I do, they're my brothers. -'Course I do, they're my brothers. Well... -Well... Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian. -Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian. Do you keep in touch with them? -Do you keep in touch with them? All the time. We all live in Southie. I live with three of them now. -I want to meet them. We'll do that. -Where have you been? I'm sorry, I been real busy. -I'm sorry, I been real busy. You were busy? You know, I really was waiting for you to call me. -You were busy? You know, I really was waiting for you to call me. Sorry. I'm sorry. Give me another crack at it. Let me take you out. -Sorry. I'm sorry. Give me another crack at it. Let me take you out. "You should have called. I have an ""O- chem"" lab due tomorrow and it's impossible. It's not an excuse dummy. I want to go out with you. But look:" -Promise? If you bring the caramels. -I couldn't wait till tomorrow. How the hell did you do that? -How the hell did you do that? Didn't your mother ever tell you not to look a gift horse n the mouth? -Didn't your mother ever tell you not to look a gift horse n the mouth? I'm supposed to understand this. -I'm supposed to understand this. You're not going into surgery tomorrow are you? -You're not going into surgery tomorrow are you? No. -No. Then let's go have some fun. -Why do we always stay here? 'Cause it's nicer than my place. -'Cause it's nicer than my place. I've never seen your place. -I've never seen your place. Exactly. -Exactly. What about your friends? Or your brothers? When do I get to meet them? -What about your friends? Or your brothers? When do I get to meet them? They don't come over here that much. -They don't come over here that much. I think I can make it to South Boston. -I think I can make it to South Boston. Aah, it's kind of a hike. -Aah, it's kind of a hike. Is it me you're hiding from them or the other way around? -Is it me you're hiding from them or the other way around? All right, all right. We'll go. -All right, all right. We'll go. When? -When? Sometime. I don't know. Next week. -Sometime. I don't know. Next week. What if I said I wouldn't sleep with you again until you let me meet your friends? -What if I said I wouldn't sleep with you again until you let me meet your friends? I'd say... It's only four in the mornin', they're prob'ly up. -You men are shameful. If you're not thinking of your weiner then you're acting on its behalf. Then on behalf of my weiner, I'd like to ask for an advance. -I thought you said you'd show me your place. Not tonight. -How's it goin'? Fine. -Fine. Want me to take a look? -Want me to take a look? No. -No. C'mon, give me a peek and we'll go to the battin' cages. -C'mon, give me a peek and we'll go to the battin' cages. It's important that I learn this. -It's important that I learn this. Why is it important to you? If I inherited all that money, the only thing important to me would be workin' on my swing. -Why is it important to you? If I inherited all that money, the only thing important to me would be workin' on my swing. Clearly. -Clearly. You're rich. What do you have to worry about? -You're rich. What do you have to worry about? Rich? I have an inheritance. It's two handred and fifty thousand dollars. That's exactly what it'll cost me, minus about five hundred bucks, to go all the way through med school. This is what I'm doing with that money. I could have done anything I wanted. I could have expanded my wardrobe, substantially. -Rich? I have an inheritance. It's two handred and fifty thousand dollars. That's exactly what it'll cost me, minus about five hundred bucks, to go all the way through med school. This is what I'm doing with that money. I could have done anything I wanted. I could have expanded my wardrobe, substantially. Instead you're going to bust your ass for five years so you can be broke? SKYLAR No, so I can be a doctor. -All right, Mr. Nosey Parker. Let me ask you a question? Do you have a photographic memory? I guess. I don't know. How do you remember your phone number? -I guess. I don't know. How do you remember your phone number? Have you ever studied Organic Chemistry? -Have you ever studied Organic Chemistry? Some, a little. -Some, a little. Just for fun? -Just for fun? I guess so. -I guess so. "Nobody does organic chemistry for ""fun."" It's unnecessary. Especially for someone like you." -"Nobody does organic chemistry for ""fun."" It's unnecessary. Especially for someone like you." Like me? -Like me? Yeah. Someone like you who divides his time, fairly evenly, between the batting cages and bars. -Do you play the piano? Come one Will. I just want to know. -Come one Will. I just want to know. I'm trying to explain it to you. So you play the piano. When you look at the keys, you see music, you see Mozart. -I'm trying to explain it to you. So you play the piano. When you look at the keys, you see music, you see Mozart. "I see ""Hot Cross Buns,"" but okay." -"I see ""Hot Cross Buns,"" but okay." Well all right, Beethoven. He looked at a piano and saw music. The fuckin' guy was deaf when he composed the Ode to Joy. They had to turn him around to take a bow because he couldn't hear the crowd going crazy behind him. Stone deaf. He saw all of that music in his head. -Well all right, Beethoven. He looked at a piano and saw music. The fuckin' guy was deaf when he composed the Ode to Joy. They had to turn him around to take a bow because he couldn't hear the crowd going crazy behind him. Stone deaf. He saw all of that music in his head. So, do you play the piano? -So, do you play the piano? Not a lick. I look at a piano and I see black and white keys, three pedals and a box of wood. Beethoven, Mozart, they looked at it and it just made sense to them. They saw a piano and they could play. I couldn't paint you a picture, I probably can't hit the ball out of Fenway Park and I can't play the piano-- -Not a lick. I look at a piano and I see black and white keys, three pedals and a box of wood. Beethoven, Mozart, they looked at it and it just made sense to them. They saw a piano and they could play. I couldn't paint you a picture, I probably can't hit the ball out of Fenway Park and I can't play the piano-- --But you can do my O-chem lab in under an hour, you can-- ---But you can do my O-chem lab in under an hour, you can-- --When it came to stuff like that I could always just play. -Will? Are you awake? No. -No. Come with me to California. -Come with me to California. What? -What? I want you to come with me. -I want you to come with me. How do you know that? -How do you know that? I know. I just do. -I know. I just do. Yeah, but how do you know? -Yeah, but how do you know? I don't know. I just feel it. -I don't know. I just feel it. And you're sure about that? -And you're sure about that? Yeah, I'm sure. -Yeah, I'm sure. "'Cause that's a serious thing you're sayin'. I mean, we might be in California next week and you could find out somethin' about me that you don't like. And you might feel like ""hey this is a big mistake."" But you can't take it back, 'cause you know it's real serious and you can't take somethin' like that back. Now I'm in California, 'cause you asked me to come. But you don't really want me there. And I'm stuck in California with someone who really doesn't want me there and just wishes they had a take-back." -"'Cause that's a serious thing you're sayin'. I mean, we might be in California next week and you could find out somethin' about me that you don't like. And you might feel like ""hey this is a big mistake."" But you can't take it back, 'cause you know it's real serious and you can't take somethin' like that back. Now I'm in California, 'cause you asked me to come. But you don't really want me there. And I'm stuck in California with someone who really doesn't want me there and just wishes they had a take-back." """Take-back?"" What is that? I don't want a take-back. I want you to come to California with me." -"""Take-back?"" What is that? I don't want a take-back. I want you to come to California with me." I can't go out to California. -I can't go out to California. Why not? -Why not? One, because I have a job here and two because I live here-- -One, because I have a job here and two because I live here-- Look, Will if you're not in love with me, you can say that. -Look, Will if you're not in love with me, you can say that. I'm not sayin' I'm not in love with you. -I'm not sayin' I'm not in love with you. Then what are you afraid of? -Then what are you afraid of? "What do you mean ""What am I afraid of?""" -"What do you mean ""What am I afraid of?""" Why won't you come with me? What are you so scared of? -Why won't you come with me? What are you so scared of? What am I scared of? -What am I scared of? Well, what aren't you scared of? You live in your safe little world where nobody challenges you and you're scared shitless to do anything else-- -Well, what aren't you scared of? You live in your safe little world where nobody challenges you and you're scared shitless to do anything else-- --Don't tell me about my world. You're the one that's afraid. You just want to have your little fling with the guy from the other side of town and marry-- ---Don't tell me about my world. You're the one that's afraid. You just want to have your little fling with the guy from the other side of town and marry-- Is that what you think-- -Is that what you think-- --some prick from Stanford that your parents will approve of. Then you'll sit around with the rest of the upper crust kids and talk about how you went slummin' too. ---some prick from Stanford that your parents will approve of. Then you'll sit around with the rest of the upper crust kids and talk about how you went slummin' too. I inherited that money when I was thirteen, when my father died. -I inherited that money when I was thirteen, when my father died. At least you have a mother. -At least you have a mother. Fuck you! You think I want this? That money's a burden to me. Every day I wake up and I wish I could give that back. I'd give everything I have back to spend one more day with my father. But that's life. And I deal with it. So don't put that shit on me. You're the one that's afraid. -Fuck you! You think I want this? That money's a burden to me. Every day I wake up and I wish I could give that back. I'd give everything I have back to spend one more day with my father. But that's life. And I deal with it. So don't put that shit on me. You're the one that's afraid. What the fuck am I afraid of?! -What the fuck am I afraid of?! You're afraid of me. You're afraid that I won't love you back. And guess what? I'm afraid too. But at least I have the balls to it give it a shot. At least I'm honest with you. -You're afraid of me. You're afraid that I won't love you back. And guess what? I'm afraid too. But at least I have the balls to it give it a shot. At least I'm honest with you. I'm not honest? -I'm not honest? What about your twelve brothers? -What about your twelve brothers? Oh, is that what this is about? You want to hear that I don't really have any brothers? That I'm a fuckin' orphan? Is that what you want to hear? -Oh, is that what this is about? You want to hear that I don't really have any brothers? That I'm a fuckin' orphan? Is that what you want to hear? Yes, Will. I didn't even know that? -Yes, Will. I didn't even know that? No, you don't want to hear that. -No, you don't want to hear that. Yes, I do, Will. -Yes, I do, Will. You don't want to hear that I got cigarettes put out on me when I was a little kid. That this isn't surgery -Yes I do. Did you ever think that maybe I could help you? That maybe that's the point, that we're a team? "What, you want to come in here and save me? Is that what you want to do? Do I have a sign that says ""save me"" on my back?" -"What, you want to come in here and save me? Is that what you want to do? Do I have a sign that says ""save me"" on my back?" "I don't want to ""save"" you. I just want to be with you. I love you. I love you!" -Don't bullshit me! Don't fuckin' bullshit me! You know what I want to hear? I want to hear that you don't love me. If you tell me that, then I'll leave you alone. I won't ask any questions and I won't be in your life. -I just wanted to call before you left. I'm takin' all these job interviews. So I won't just be a construction worker. I never cared about that. -Yeah. I love you, Will. No take-backs. -Take care. Goodbye. -You doin' the hirin'? Well, I'm contracting the land. -All right, mister. I'll go. You just show your license to contrack, an' then you make out a order--where an' when an' how much you gonna pay--an' you sign it an' we'll go. You trying to tell me how to run my own business? -You trying to tell me how to run my own business? 'F we're workin' for you, it's our business too. An' how do we know-- --you ain't one a the guys that sent these things out? -'F we're workin' for you, it's our business too. An' how do we know-- --you ain't one a the guys that sent these things out? Listen, Smart Guy. I'll run my business my own way. I got work. If you wanta take it, okay. If not, just sit here, that's all. -Twicet now I've fell for that line. Maybe he needs a thousan' men. So he get's five thousan' there, an' he'll pay fifteen cents a hour. An' you guys'll have to take it 'cause you'll be hungry. 'F he wants to hire men, let him write it out an' say what he's gonna pay. Ast to see his license. He ain't allowed by law to contrack men without a license. Joe! -She'll prob'ly ride like a bull calf-- but she'll ride! Reckon we better begin roustin' 'em out if we aim to get outa here by daylight. How about it, John? How you boys comin'? -Will ya look at her! I never knowed they was anything like her! -Leave him alone, Ma--Al's just billy- goatin' around-- Sure! I was just aimin' to meet up with a couple girls I know. -Ready, Pa? Let 'er go, Gallagher! -Twenty days work, oh boy! Be glad to get my han' on some cotton. That's the kin' a pickin' I understan'. -Go on. Get in your tent. You don't know nothin'. How 'bout you? -How 'bout you? *Some*body got to take the blame. They just *got* to hang it on somebody, you know. An' I ain't doin' nothin' but set around. -*Some*body got to take the blame. They just *got* to hang it on somebody, you know. An' I ain't doin' nothin' but set around. But ain't no reason-- -But ain't no reason-- Lissen. I don't care nothin' about you, but if you mess in this, your whole fambly li'ble to get in trouble, an' Tom get sent back to the penitentiary. -Lissen. I don't care nothin' about you, but if you mess in this, your whole fambly li'ble to get in trouble, an' Tom get sent back to the penitentiary. Okay. I think you're a darn fool, though. -Okay. I think you're a darn fool, though. Sure. Why not? -Ain't you gonna look back, Ma?--give the ol' place a last look? We're goin' to California, ain't we? Awright then, let's *go* to California. -We're goin' to California, ain't we? Awright then, let's *go* to California. That don't sound like you, Ma. You never was like that before. -That don't sound like you, Ma. You never was like that before. I never had my house pushed over before. I never had my fambly stuck out on the road. I never had to lose... ever'thing I had in life. -I'd come back-- But ef you *do* whup me, I swear you better not ever go to sleep again, because the minute you go to sleep, or you're settin' down, or your back's turned, I'm gonna knock you belly-up with a bucket. -But it ain't runnin' away, Ma. All I wanta do is go away with another fella an' look aroun' for work by ourself-- Well, you ain't a-goin'! Ain't *nobody* else a-goin'! We *got* here an' we gonna *stay* here, together! As long as we got the fambly unbroke I ain't scared, but it's a long bitter road we got ahead of us-- --an' I'm here to tell ya ef anybody else tries to bust us up anymore I'm a-goin' cat wild with this here piece a bar-arn! -Ready, Ma? I'll get Rosasharn. -Maybe. Maybe twenny days work, maybe *no* days work. We ain't got it till we get it. Whatsa matter, Ma? Gettin' scared? -Whatsa matter, Ma? Gettin' scared? No. Ain't ever gonna be scared no more. I was, though. For a while I thought we was beat--*good* an' beat. Looked like we didn't have nothin' in the worl' but enemies--wasn't *no*body frien'ly anymore. It made me feel bad an' scared too--like we was lost... an' nobody cared. -No. Ain't ever gonna be scared no more. I was, though. For a while I thought we was beat--*good* an' beat. Looked like we didn't have nothin' in the worl' but enemies--wasn't *no*body frien'ly anymore. It made me feel bad an' scared too--like we was lost... an' nobody cared. Watch me pass that Chevvy. -Woman can change better'n a man. Man lives in jerks--baby born, or somebody dies, that's a jerk--gets a farm, or loses one, an' that's a jerk. With a woman it's all one flow, like a stream, little eddies, little waterfalls, but the river it goes right on. Woman looks at it like that. Look at that ol' coffeepot steam! -Well, you said anybody can waltz... How'm *I* doin'? Don't hold me so tight. -Don't hold me so tight. Why, I ain't hardly touchin' you! -Why, I ain't hardly touchin' you! You're *ticklin' me!* -You're *ticklin' me!* That comes from not holdin' you tight *enough.* -That comes from not holdin' you tight *enough.* Now I can't breathe. -You bust outa jail, Tom? Naw. They paroled me. -Naw. They paroled me. Oh. -What a place! How'd you like to walk acrost her? People done it. If they could, we could. -People done it. If they could, we could. Lots must a died, too. -Lots must a died, too. Well, we ain't out a it yet. -Tom? You can come on. They gone. We got to get outa here right away. Ever'body here? Where's Uncle John? -Maybe the road's out. I don't know what these cops got to do with it but I don't like it. An' these here are our own people, all of 'em. I don't like this. -Think I'll look aroun' an' see if I can't meet me a girl. Thing's been workin' on me, what they was yellin' about. Got me all curious. -She's hotter'n a heifer. Fan-belt's shot. -Any gas? Gallon or two? -Gallon or two? Well, looks like we done it this time awright! -Looks like about a mile. Reckon she'll make it? She got to make it. -You mean that hitch-hiker? Little short fella with a pale face? I guess that's what he looked like. -I guess that's what he looked like. We just picked him up on the way in. He went away this mornin' when the rate dropped. -We just picked him up on the way in. He went away this mornin' when the rate dropped. What'd he look like again? -What'd he look like again? Short fella. Pale face. -Short fella. Pale face. Was he bruised up this mornin'? About the face? -Was he bruised up this mornin'? About the face? I didn't see nothin'. -I didn't see nothin'. Okay. Go on. -Kinda pie y'got? Banana cream, pineapple cream, chocolate cream--and apple. -Banana cream, pineapple cream, chocolate cream--and apple. Cut me off a hunk a that banana cream, and a cuppa java. -Them wasn't two-for-a-cent candy. What's it to you? -What's it to you? Them was nickel apiece candy. -So long. Hey, wait a minute. You got change comin'. -Want to work? Sure, but what is this? -Sure, but what is this? That's not your affair. Name. -That's not your affair. Name. Joad. -Joad. How many men? -How many men? Four. -Four. Women? -Women? Two. -Two. Kids? -Kids? Two. -Two. Can all of you work? -Can all of you work? Why, I guess so. -Why, I guess so. Okay. House 63. Wages 5 cents a box. No bruised fruit. Move along and go to work right away. -House 25. Number's on the door. Okay, mister. Whatcha payin'? -Okay, mister. Whatcha payin'? Two and a half cents. -Two and a half cents. Two an' a half! Say, mister, a man can't make his dinner on that. -Two an' a half! Say, mister, a man can't make his dinner on that. Take it or leave it. There's 200 men coming from the South that'll be glad to get it. -Take it or leave it. There's 200 men coming from the South that'll be glad to get it. But--but how we gonna eat? -But--but how we gonna eat? Look, I didn't set the price. I'm just working here. If you want it, take it. If you don't, turn right around and beat it. -Look, I didn't set the price. I'm just working here. If you want it, take it. If you don't, turn right around and beat it. Which way is House 25? -Open up! We hear you got a riot. Riot? I don't see no riot. Who're you? -Riot? I don't see no riot. Who're you? Deputy sheriffs. -Deputy sheriffs. Got a warrant? -Got a warrant? We don't need a warrant if it's a riot. -We don't need a warrant if it's a riot. Well, I don't know what you gonna do about it, because I don't hear no riot an' I don't see no riot, an' what's more I don't believe they *is* no riot. Look for yourself. -I don't mean to be nosy, y'understand. I just got to have certain information. What's your name? Joad. Tom Joad. -Joad. Tom Joad. How many of you? -Camp site costs a dollar a week, but you can work it out, carrying garbage, keeping the camp clean--stuff like that. We'll work it out. What's this committee you talkin' about? -We'll work it out. What's this committee you talkin' about? We got five sanitary units. Each one elects a central committee man. They make the laws, an' what they say goes. -We got five sanitary units. Each one elects a central committee man. They make the laws, an' what they say goes. Are you aimin' to tell me that the fellas that run this camp is jus' fellas--campin' here? -Are you aimin' to tell me that the fellas that run this camp is jus' fellas--campin' here? That's the way it is. -That's the way it is. An' you say no cops? -An' you say no cops? No cop can come in here without a warrant. -No cop can come in here without a warrant. I can't hardly believe it. Camp I was in once, they burned it out--the deputies an' some of them poolroom fellas. -I can't hardly believe it. Camp I was in once, they burned it out--the deputies an' some of them poolroom fellas. They don't get in here. Sometimes the boys patrol the fences, especially dance nights. -They don't get in here. Sometimes the boys patrol the fences, especially dance nights. You got dances too? -You got dances too? We got the best dances in the county every Saturday night. -We got the best dances in the county every Saturday night. Say, who runs this place? -Say, who runs this place? Government. -Government. Why ain't they more like it? -Why ain't they more like it? *You* find out, I can't. -*You* find out, I can't. Anything like work aroun' here? -Anything like work aroun' here? Can't promise you that, but there'll be a licensed agent here tomorrow mornin', if you want to talk to him. -Can't promise you that, but there'll be a licensed agent here tomorrow mornin', if you want to talk to him. Ma's shore gonna like it here. She ain't been treated decent for a long time. -Ma's shore gonna like it here. She ain't been treated decent for a long time. That cut you got? -That cut you got? Crate fell on me. -Crate fell on me. Better take care of it. Store manager'll give you some stuff for it in the morning. Goodnight. -Better take care of it. Store manager'll give you some stuff for it in the morning. Goodnight. Goodnight. -Say, ain't you young Tom Joad--ol' Tom's boy? Yeah. On my way home now. -Yeah. On my way home now. Well, I do declare! I baptized you, son. -Well, I do declare! I baptized you, son. Why, you're the preacher! -Why, you're the preacher! *Used* to be. Not no more. I lost the call. But boy, I sure *used* to have it! I'd get an irrigation ditch so squirmin' full of repented sinners I pretty near *drowned* half of 'em! But not no more. I lost the sperit. -*Used* to be. Not no more. I lost the call. But boy, I sure *used* to have it! I'd get an irrigation ditch so squirmin' full of repented sinners I pretty near *drowned* half of 'em! But not no more. I lost the sperit. Pa always said you was never cut out to be a preacher. -Pa always said you was never cut out to be a preacher. I got nothin' to preach about no more--that's all. I ain't so sure o' things. -I got nothin' to preach about no more--that's all. I ain't so sure o' things. Maybe you should a got yourself a wife. -Maybe you should a got yourself a wife. At my meetin's I used to get the girls glory-shoutin' till they about passed out. Then, I'd go to comfort 'em--and always end up by lovin' 'em. I'd feel bad, an' pray, an' pray, but it didn't do no good. Next time, do it again. I figgered there just wasn't no hope for me. -At my meetin's I used to get the girls glory-shoutin' till they about passed out. Then, I'd go to comfort 'em--and always end up by lovin' 'em. I'd feel bad, an' pray, an' pray, but it didn't do no good. Next time, do it again. I figgered there just wasn't no hope for me. I never let one go by me when I could catch her. -I never let one go by me when I could catch her. But you wasn't a preacher. A girl was just a girl to you. But to me they was holy vessels. I was savin' their souls. I ast myself--what *is* this call, the Holy Sperit? Maybe *that's* love. Why, I love everybody so much I'm fit to bust sometimes! So maybe there ain't no sin an' there ain't no virtue. There's just what people do. Some things folks do is nice, and some ain't so nice. But that's as far as any man's got a right to say. -But you wasn't a preacher. A girl was just a girl to you. But to me they was holy vessels. I was savin' their souls. I ast myself--what *is* this call, the Holy Sperit? Maybe *that's* love. Why, I love everybody so much I'm fit to bust sometimes! So maybe there ain't no sin an' there ain't no virtue. There's just what people do. Some things folks do is nice, and some ain't so nice. But that's as far as any man's got a right to say. Have a little snort? -Have a little snort? Course I'll say grace if somebody sets out the food-- --but my heart ain't in it. Nice drinkin' liquor. -Course I'll say grace if somebody sets out the food-- --but my heart ain't in it. Nice drinkin' liquor. Ought to be. That's fact'ry liquor. Cost me a buck. -Ought to be. That's fact'ry liquor. Cost me a buck. Been out travelin' around? -Been out travelin' around? Didn't you hear? It was in the papers. -Didn't you hear? It was in the papers. No, I never. What? -No, I never. What? I been in the penitentiary for four years. -I been in the penitentiary for four years. Excuse me for asking. -Excuse me for asking. I don't mind any more. I'd do what I done again. I killed a guy at a dance. We was drunk. He got a knife in me and I laid him out with a shovel. Knocked his head plumb to squash. -I don't mind any more. I'd do what I done again. I killed a guy at a dance. We was drunk. He got a knife in me and I laid him out with a shovel. Knocked his head plumb to squash. And you ain't ashamed? -And you ain't ashamed? He had a knife in me. That's why they only gave me seven years. Got out in four--parole. -He had a knife in me. That's why they only gave me seven years. Got out in four--parole. Ain't you seen your folks since then? -Ain't you seen your folks since then? No, but I aim to before sundown. Gettin' kind of excited about it, too. Which way you going? -No, but I aim to before sundown. Gettin' kind of excited about it, too. Which way you going? It don't matter. Ever since I lost the sperit it looks like I just as soon go one way as the other. I'll go your way. -Maybe Ma'll have pork for supper. I ain't had pork but four times in four years--every Christmas. I'll be glad to see you pa. Last time I seen him was at a baptizin', an' he had one a the bigges' doses of the Holy Sperit I ever seen. He go to jumpin' over bushes, howlin' like a dog-wolf in moon-time. Fin'ly he picks hisself out a bush big as a piana an' he let out a squawk an' took a run at that bush. Well, sir, he cleared her but he bust his leg snap in two. They was a travellin' dentist there and he set her, an' I give her a prayin' over, but they wasn't no more Holy Sperit in your pa after that. -I'll be glad to see you pa. Last time I seen him was at a baptizin', an' he had one a the bigges' doses of the Holy Sperit I ever seen. He go to jumpin' over bushes, howlin' like a dog-wolf in moon-time. Fin'ly he picks hisself out a bush big as a piana an' he let out a squawk an' took a run at that bush. Well, sir, he cleared her but he bust his leg snap in two. They was a travellin' dentist there and he set her, an' I give her a prayin' over, but they wasn't no more Holy Sperit in your pa after that. Lissen. This wind's fixin't to *do* somepin'! -Lissen. This wind's fixin't to *do* somepin'! Shore it is. It always is, this time a year. -Is it fur? Just around that next bend. -Your granma was a great one, too. The third time she got religion she go it so powerful she knocked down a full-growed deacon with her fist. That's our place. -They're all gone--or dead. They never wrote you nothing? -They never wrote you nothing? No. They wasn't people to write. -This used to be mine. I give it to Grampa when I went away. You reckon they could be dead? I never heard nothin' about it. -This is Muley Graves. You remember the preacher, don't you? I ain't no preacher anymore. -I ain't no preacher anymore. All right, you remember the *man* then. -She's settlin'. What you figger to do? -What you figger to do? It's hard to say. Stay here till mornin' an' then go on over to Uncle John's, I reckon. After that I don't know. -Think she'll hold? If she does it'll be a miracle outa Scripture. -I ain't no more a preacher, you know. We know. But ain't none of our folks ever been buried without a few words. -We know. But ain't none of our folks ever been buried without a few words. "I'll say 'em--an' make it short. This here ol' man jus' lived a life an' jus' died out of it. I don't know whether he was good or bad, an' it don't matter much. Heard a fella say a poem once, an' he says, ""All that lives is holy."" But I wouldn't pray for jus' a ol' man that's dead, because he's awright. If I was to pray I'd pray for the folks that's alive an' don't know which way to turn. Grampa here, he ain't got no more trouble like that. He's got his job all cut out for 'im--so cover 'im up and let 'im get to it." -How about us? Is that the truth for us? I don't know. -Gimme that gun. Now git outa here. Go down in them willows an' wait. I ain't gonna run. -I ain't gonna run. He seen you, Tom! You wanta be fingerprinted? You wanta get sent back for breakin' parole? -He seen you, Tom! You wanta be fingerprinted? You wanta get sent back for breakin' parole? You're right! -You're right! Hide in the willows. If it's awright to come back I'll give you four high whistles. -What's the matter? Casy! What you doin' here? -Casy! What you doin' here? Well, if it ain't Tom Joad. How ya, boy? -Well, if it ain't Tom Joad. How ya, boy? Thought you was in jail. -Thought you was in jail. No, I done my time an' got out. Come on in. -Lookie, Tom. We come to work here. They tell us it's gonna be fi' cents. But they was a whole lot of us, so the man says two an' a half cents. Well, a fella can't even eat on that, an' if he got kids... So we says we won't take it. So they druv us off. Now they're payin' you five--but when they bust this strike ya think they'll pay five? I dunno. Payin' five now. -I dunno. Payin' five now. I don't expeck we can las' much longer-- some a the folks ain't et for two days. You goin' back tonight? -I don't expeck we can las' much longer-- some a the folks ain't et for two days. You goin' back tonight? I aim to. -I aim to. Well--tell the folks inside how it is, Tom. Tell 'em they're starvin' us and stabbin' theirself in the back. An' as sure as God made little apples it's goin' back to two an' a half jus' as soon as they clear us out. -I'll tell 'em. But I don't know how. Never seen so many guys with guns. Wouldn't even let us talk today. Try an' tell 'em, Tom. They'll get two an' a half, jus' the minute we're gone. An' you know what that is? That's one ton a peaches picked an' carried for a dollar. That way you can't even buy food enough to keep you alive! Tell 'em to come out with us, Tom! Them peaches is *ripe*. Two days out an' they'll pay *all* of us five! -Try an' tell 'em, Tom. They'll get two an' a half, jus' the minute we're gone. An' you know what that is? That's one ton a peaches picked an' carried for a dollar. That way you can't even buy food enough to keep you alive! Tell 'em to come out with us, Tom! Them peaches is *ripe*. Two days out an' they'll pay *all* of us five! They won't. They're a-gettin' five an' they don't care about nothin' else. -They won't. They're a-gettin' five an' they don't care about nothin' else. But jus' the minute they ain't strike- breakin' they won't get no five! -I guess that's right. Have to take a beatin' before he'll know. We was outa food. Tonight we had meat. Not much, but we had it. Think Pa's gonna give up his meat on account a other fellas? An' Rosasharn needs milk. Think Ma's gonna starve that baby jus' cause a bunch a fellas is yellin' outside a gate? -We was outa food. Tonight we had meat. Not much, but we had it. Think Pa's gonna give up his meat on account a other fellas? An' Rosasharn needs milk. Think Ma's gonna starve that baby jus' cause a bunch a fellas is yellin' outside a gate? Got to learn, like I'm a-learnin'. Don't know it right yet myself, but I'm tryin' to fin' out. That's why I can't ever be a preacher again. Preacher got to *know*. I don't. I got to *ask*. -Can't tell if you hear it or not. You hear it, Tom? I hear it. I think they's some guys comin' this way, lots of 'em. We better get outa here. -Seems like we wasn't never gonna do nothin' but move. I'm so tar'd. Women is always tar'd. -Women is always tar'd. You ain't--you ain't sorry, are you, honey? -You ain't--you ain't sorry, are you, honey? No, but--but you seen that advertisement in the Spicy Western Story magazine. Don't pay nothin'. Jus' send 'em the coupon an' you're a radio expert--nice clean work. -No, but--but you seen that advertisement in the Spicy Western Story magazine. Don't pay nothin'. Jus' send 'em the coupon an' you're a radio expert--nice clean work. But we can still do it, honey. -But we can still do it, honey. I ought to done it then--an' not come on any trip like this. -They shore don't waste no time! Take her out. Save your strength, lady. Get goin', buddy. No campin' here. -Save your strength, lady. Get goin', buddy. No campin' here. We ain't campin'. We jus' stoppin' a minute-- -We ain't campin'. We jus' stoppin' a minute-- Lissen, I heard that before-- -Fella named Spencer sent us--said they was work pickin' peaches. Want to work, do you? -Want to work, do you? Sure do. -Sure do. Pull up behind that car. Okay for this one. Take 'em through. -Pull up behind that car. Okay for this one. Take 'em through. What's the matter? What's happened? -What's the matter? What's happened? Little trouble up ahead, but you'll get through. Just follow the line. -I don't like nobody drawin' a bead on me. Then what are you doin' this kind a thing for--against your own people? -Then what are you doin' this kind a thing for--against your own people? For three dollars a day, that's what I'm doin' it for. I got two little kids. I got a wife and my wife's mother. Them people got to eat. Fust and on'y thing I got to think about is my own folks. What happens to other folks is their lookout. -For three dollars a day, that's what I'm doin' it for. I got two little kids. I got a wife and my wife's mother. Them people got to eat. Fust and on'y thing I got to think about is my own folks. What happens to other folks is their lookout. But this is *my land*, son. Don't you understand? -But this is *my land*, son. Don't you understand? *Used* to be your land. B'longs to the comp'ny now. -Have it your own way, son, but just as sure as you touch my house with that cat I'm gonna blow you plumb to kingdom come. You ain't gonna blow nobody nowhere. First place, you'd get hung and you know it. For another, it wouldn't be two days before they'd have another guy here to take my place. -How about a lift, mister? Can't you see that sticker? -Goin' far? Just a few miles. I'd a walked her if my dogs wasn't pooped out. -Just a few miles. I'd a walked her if my dogs wasn't pooped out. Lookin' for a job? -Lookin' for a job? No, my old man got a place, forty acres. He's a sharecropper, but we been there a long time. -No, my old man got a place, forty acres. He's a sharecropper, but we been there a long time. Oh! -Been doin' a job? Yeah. -Yeah. I seen your hands. You been swinging a pick or a sledge--that shines up your hands. I notice little things like that all the time. Got a trade? -I seen your hands. You been swinging a pick or a sledge--that shines up your hands. I notice little things like that all the time. Got a trade? Why don't you get to it, buddy? -Why don't you get to it, buddy? Get to what? -Get to what? You know what I mean. You been givin' me a goin' over ever since I got in. Whyn't you go on and ask me where I been? -You know what I mean. You been givin' me a goin' over ever since I got in. Whyn't you go on and ask me where I been? I don't stick my nose in nobody's business. -I don't stick my nose in nobody's business. Naw--not much! -Naw--not much! I stay in my own yard. -I stay in my own yard. Listen. That big nose of yours been goin' over me like a sheep in a vegetable patch. But I ain't keepin' it a secret. I been in the penitentiary. Been there four years. Like to know anything else? -Listen. That big nose of yours been goin' over me like a sheep in a vegetable patch. But I ain't keepin' it a secret. I been in the penitentiary. Been there four years. Like to know anything else? You ain't got to get sore. -You ain't got to get sore. Go ahead. Ask me anything you want. -Go ahead. Ask me anything you want. I didn't mean nothing. -I didn't mean nothing. Me neither. I'm just tryin' to get along without shovin' anybody around, that's all. See that road up ahead? -Me neither. I'm just tryin' to get along without shovin' anybody around, that's all. See that road up ahead? Yeah. -Yeah. That's where I get off. -I never asked you! Sure, but you'd a throwed a fit if I hadn't tol' you. -You people got a lotta nerve. What you mean? -What you mean? Crossin' the desert in a jalopy like this. -Crossin' the desert in a jalopy like this. You been acrost? -You been acrost? Sure, plenty, but not in no wreck like this. -Sure, plenty, but not in no wreck like this. If we broke down maybe somebody'd give us a han'. -If we broke down maybe somebody'd give us a han'. Well, maybe. But I'd hate to be doin' it. Takes more nerve than I got. -Well, maybe. But I'd hate to be doin' it. Takes more nerve than I got. It don't take no nerve to do somep'n when there ain't nothin' else you can do. -Workin'. Pickin' peaches. But I seen a bunch a fellas yellin' when we come in, so I come out to see what's goin' on. What's it all about? This here's a strike. -This here's a strike. Well, fi' cents a box ain't much, but a fella can eat. -Well, fi' cents a box ain't much, but a fella can eat. Fi' cents! They pain' you fi' cents? -Fi' cents! They pain' you fi' cents? Sure. We made a buck since midday. -An' the nex' thing you know you'll be out, because they got it all figgered down to a T--until the harvest is in you're a *migrant* worker--afterwards, just a bum. Five they're a-gettin' now, an' that's all they're int'rested in. I know exackly what Pa'd say. He'd jus' say it wasn't none a his business. -What's he fixin' to do, ma? Hush! -I could break up some bresh if you want me, ma'am. You want to get ast to eat, hunh? -You want to get ast to eat, hunh? Yes, ma'am. -Yes, ma'am. Didn' you have no breakfast? -Didn' you have no breakfast? No, ma'am. They ain't no work hereabouts. Pa's in tryin' to sell some stuff to get gas so's we can get along. -No, ma'am. They ain't no work hereabouts. Pa's in tryin' to sell some stuff to get gas so's we can get along. Didn' none of these have no breakfast? -What you mean you ain't goin'? We *got* to go. We got no place to stay. I ain't talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about me. And I'm a-stayin'. I give her a good goin' over all night long-- and I'm a-stayin'. -I ain't talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about me. And I'm a-stayin'. I give her a good goin' over all night long-- and I'm a-stayin'. But you can't *do* that, Grampa. This here land is goin' under the tractor. We *all* got to git out. -But you can't *do* that, Grampa. This here land is goin' under the tractor. We *all* got to git out. All but me! I'm a-stayin'. -Now listen, Grampa. Listen to me, just a minute. And I ain't gonna listen either. I tol' you what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a hoot in a hollow if they's oranges and grapes crowdin' a fella outa bed even, I ain't a- goin' to California! This here's my country. I b'long *here*. It ain't no good-- --but it's mine. -Easy, *easy!* You wanta bust his head wide open? Pull his arms, John. Ain't a-goin', thas all... -Ain't a-goin', thas all... Put somepin' over him, so he won't git sun-struck. Ever'body set now? Awright, Al, letta go! -"You know what I al'ays said: ""Tom'll come bustin' outa that jail like a bull through a corral fence."" Can't keep no Joad in jail!" I didn't bust out. They lemme out. Howya, Noah. Howya, Uncle John. -What's the matter, Grampa? Ain't nothin' the matter. I just ain't a-goin', that's all. -How 'bout Granma? Take her with you! -Ma. Pa. Grampa, his eyes hurt and hunted and frightened and bewildered, scratches in the dirt. And can't nobody *make* me go, either! Ain't nobody here *man* enough to make me! I'm a-stayin'. -*Ain't* a-goin'... ain't a-goin'... 'S all right, Grampa. You just kind a tar'd, that's all. Somebody fix a pallet. -Where you going? California. -California. How long you plan to be in Arizona? -How long you plan to be in Arizona? No longer'n we can get acrost her. -No longer'n we can get acrost her. Got any plants? -Got any plants? No plants. -No plants. Okay. Go ahead, but you better keep movin'. -Okay. Go ahead, but you better keep movin'. Sure. We aim to. -Where you think you're going? Thought I'd take a walk. Any law against it? -Thought I'd take a walk. Any law against it? Well, you just turn around and walk the other way. -Well, you just turn around and walk the other way. You mean I can't even get outa here? -You mean I can't even get outa here? Not tonight you can't. Want to walk back?--or you want me to whistle up some help and take you back? -Not tonight you can't. Want to walk back?--or you want me to whistle up some help and take you back? I'll walk back. -You take this. I ain't hungry. Whatta ya mean? You ain't et today. -Whatta ya mean? You ain't et today. I know, but I got a stomickache. I ain't hungry. -I know, but I got a stomickache. I ain't hungry. You take that plate inside the tent an' you eat it. -You take that plate inside the tent an' you eat it. Wouldn't be no use. I'd still see 'em inside the tent. -Wouldn't be no use. I'd still see 'em inside the tent. You git. Go on now, git. You ain't doin' no good. They ain't enough for you. -I got to get a lot curiouser than I am--with all them cops out there. Okay. I be back a little later. -Ma... all this, will it hurt the baby? Now don't you go gettin' nimsy-mimsy. -Now don't you go gettin' nimsy-mimsy. Sometimes I'm all jumpy inside. -Sometimes I'm all jumpy inside. Well, can't nobody get through nine *months* without sorrow. -Well, can't nobody get through nine *months* without sorrow. But will it--hurt the baby? -But will it--hurt the baby? They use' to be a sayin': A chile born outa sorrow'll be a happy chile. An' another: Born outa too much joy'll be a doleful boy. That's the way I always heard it. -They use' to be a sayin': A chile born outa sorrow'll be a happy chile. An' another: Born outa too much joy'll be a doleful boy. That's the way I always heard it. You don't ever get scairt, do you, Ma? -You don't ever get scairt, do you, Ma? Sometimes. A little. Only it ain't scairt so much. It's just waitin' an' wonderin'. But when sump'n happens that I got to do sump'n-- --I'll do it. -Sometimes. A little. Only it ain't scairt so much. It's just waitin' an' wonderin'. But when sump'n happens that I got to do sump'n-- --I'll do it. Don't it ever scare you it won't be nice in California like we think? -Don't it ever scare you it won't be nice in California like we think? No. No, it don't. I can't do that. I can't let m'self. All I can do is see how soon they gonna wanta eat again. They'd all get upset if I done anymore 'n that. They all depen' on me jus' thinkin' about that. That's my part--that an' keepin' the fambly together. -Maybe Connie went to get some books to study up with. He's gonna be a radio expert, ya know. Maybe he figgered to suprise us. Maybe that's jus' what he done. -We gonna live here? Why, sure. It won't be so bad once we get her washed out. -Why, sure. It won't be so bad once we get her washed out. I like the tent better. -I like the tent better. This got a floor. Wouldn't leak when it rains. -Anybody ask anything? No'm. -No'm. Stand by the door. -Ma... you know, if Connie was here I wouldn't min' any a this. I know, honey, an' just as soon as we get settled Al's gonna set out an' look for him. How 'bout gas, Tommy? -Ma... Ma, I--I can't go to the dance. I jus' can't Ma. I can't hardly stan' it, with Connie not here--an' me this way. Why, honey, it makes folks happy to see a girl that way--makes folks sort of giggly an' happy. -Why, honey, it makes folks happy to see a girl that way--makes folks sort of giggly an' happy. I can't he'p it, Ma. It don't make *me* giggly an' happy. -You an' me's goin' together--jus' you an' me. We're a-goin' to that dance an' we're a-goin' to jus' set an' watch. If anybody says to come dance--why I'll say you're poorly. But you an' me, we're gonna hear the music an' see the fun. An' you won't let nobody touch me? -An' you won't let nobody touch me? No--an' look what I got for you. -How 'bout it? Go get Tom an' Al. I dunno what to do. I got to feed the fambly. What'm I gonna do with these here? -You don't know *no* girls around here. You're lyin', *You're runnin' away*! Cut it out, Ma, or I'll-- -Cut it out, Ma, or I'll-- You'll *what*?... Come on, Pa. Come on an' whup me. Jus' try it. -You'll *what*?... Come on, Pa. Come on an' whup me. Jus' try it. Now don't get sassy, Ma. -Now don't get sassy, Ma. Al ain't a-goin' away, an' you gonna *tell* him he ain't a-goin' away. An' if you think diff'unt, you gotta whup me first. So some on. -Al ain't a-goin' away, an' you gonna *tell* him he ain't a-goin' away. An' if you think diff'unt, you gotta whup me first. So some on. I never *seen* her so sassy. An' she ain't so young, neither! -Jus' sassy, that's all. Sassy my foot! I'm jus' sick and tar'd a my folks tryin' to bust up. All we got lef' in the *worl'* is the fambly--an' right down at bottom that's all we *got* to have! Ef some of us dies, we can't he'p that--but ain't nobody else runnin' away! -Connie's gone. Lit out this e'enin'--said he didn't know it was gonna be like this. Glad to get shet of him. Never was no good an' never will be-- -Glad to get shet of him. Never was no good an' never will be-- Pa! Shh! -Pa! Shh! How come I got to shh? Run out, didn't he? -Sump'n got to happen soon. We got one day's more grease, two day's flour, an' ten potatoes. After that... An' Rosasharn, we got to remember she's gonna be due soon. It sure is hell jus' tryin' to get enough to eat. -That! They charge extry at the comp'ny store but they ain't no other place. -Know where we're a-goin'? Don't matter. Just got to go--an' keep a-goin', till we get plenty a distance away from here. -Make her easy, John. Watch her. She'll be awright. -Maybe, but we shore takin' a beatin'. I know. Maybe that makes us tough. Rich fellas come up an' they die, an' their kids ain't no good, an' they die out. But we keep a-comin'. We're the people that live. Can't nobody wipe us out. Can't nobody lick us. We'll go on forever, Pa. We're the people. -Thank God. Oh thank God. Tommy, you didn't *bust* out, didya? You ain't got to hide, have you? No, Ma. I'm paroled. I got my papers. -I was so scared we was goin' away without you--and we'd never see each other again. I'd a found you, Ma. -Muley tol' me what happened, Ma. Are we goin' to California true? We *got* to, Tommy. But that's gonna be awright. I seen the han'bills, about how much work they is, an' high wages, too. But I gotta fin' out somepin' else first, Tommy. Did they hurt you, son? Did they hurt you an' make you mean-mad? -We *got* to, Tommy. But that's gonna be awright. I seen the han'bills, about how much work they is, an' high wages, too. But I gotta fin' out somepin' else first, Tommy. Did they hurt you, son? Did they hurt you an' make you mean-mad? Mad, Ma? -Mad, Ma? Sometimes they do. -Sometimes they do. No, Ma I was at first--but not no more. -No, Ma I was at first--but not no more. Sometimes they do somethin' to you, Tommy. They hurt you--and you get mad--and then you get mean--and they hurt you again--and you get meaner, and meaner--till you ain't no boy or no man any more, but just a walkin' chunk a mean-mad. Did they hurt you like that, Tommy? -Sometimes they do somethin' to you, Tommy. They hurt you--and you get mad--and then you get mean--and they hurt you again--and you get meaner, and meaner--till you ain't no boy or no man any more, but just a walkin' chunk a mean-mad. Did they hurt you like that, Tommy? No, Ma. You don't have to worry about that. -No, Ma. You don't have to worry about that. Thank God. I--I don't want no mean son -How about it, Ma? I'm ready. -Wait. There's a half a bottle a soothin' sirup here. It put the chillun to sleep. Don't taste bad. -Don't taste bad. And they's some coffee here. I could fix him a cup... -And they's some coffee here. I could fix him a cup... That's right. And douse some in it. -Yes'm, that was it. Your pa tol' me you didn't ought to cross it if you're paroled. Says they'll send you up again. -Your pa tol' me you didn't ought to cross it if you're paroled. Says they'll send you up again. Forget it, Ma. I got her figgered out. Long as I keep outa trouble, ain't nobody gonna say a thing. All I gotta do is keep my nose clean. -Forget it, Ma. I got her figgered out. Long as I keep outa trouble, ain't nobody gonna say a thing. All I gotta do is keep my nose clean. Maybe they got crimes in California we don't know about. Crimes we don't even know *is* crimes. -Maybe they got crimes in California we don't know about. Crimes we don't even know *is* crimes. Forget it, Ma. Jus' think about the nice things out there. Think about them grapes and oranges--an' ever'body got work-- -Ma, you sick? Ya say we're acrost? -Ya say we're acrost? Look, Ma! -Look, Ma! Thank God! An' we're still together-- most of us. -Thank God! An' we're still together-- most of us. Didn' you get no sleep? -Didn' you get no sleep? No. -No. Was Granma bad? -Was Granma bad? Granma's dead. -Granma's dead. When? -When? Since before they stopped us las' night. -Since before they stopped us las' night. An' that's why you didn't want 'em to look? -An' that's why you didn't want 'em to look? I was afraid they'd stop us an' wouldn't let us cross. But I tol' Granma. I tol' her when she was dyin'. I tol' her the fambly had ta get acrost. I tol' her we couldn't take no chances on bein' stopped. -She shore don't look prosperous. Want to go somewheres else? On a gallon a gas? Let's set up the tent. Maybe I can fix us up some stew. -Ma, they comes a time when a man gets mad. Tom--you tol' me--you promised you wasn't like that. You promised me. -Tom--you tol' me--you promised you wasn't like that. You promised me. I know, Ma. I'm a tryin'. If it was the law they was workin' with, we could take it. But it *ain't* the law. They're workin' away at our spirits. They're tryin' to make us cringe an' crawl. They're workin' on our decency. -I know, Ma. I'm a tryin'. If it was the law they was workin' with, we could take it. But it *ain't* the law. They're workin' away at our spirits. They're tryin' to make us cringe an' crawl. They're workin' on our decency. You promised, Tommy. -You promised, Tommy. I'm a-tryin', Ma. Honest I am. -I'm a-tryin', Ma. Honest I am. You gotta keep clear, Tom. The fambly's breakin' up. You *got* to keep clear. -You gotta keep clear, Tom. The fambly's breakin' up. You *got* to keep clear. What's that--detour? -Fust thing I'll get is coffee, cause ever'body been wantin' that, an' then some flour an' bakin' powder an' meat. Better not get no side- meat right off. Save that for later. Maybe Sat'dy. Got to get some soap too. An' milk. Rosasharn's got to have some milk. Get some sugar too, for the coffee. -Get some sugar too, for the coffee. You know, I jus' can't remember when I felt so good before! -Got any more, Ma? No. That's all. You made a dollar, an' that's a dollar's worth. -I ain't full. Well, tomorra you'll get in a full day--full day's pay--an' we'll have plenty. -You be careful, Tommy. Don't you be stickin' your nose in anything. Okay, Ma. Don't you worry. -How's it feel, Tommy? Busted my cheek but I can still see. What'd you hear? -Busted my cheek but I can still see. What'd you hear? Looks like you done it. -Looks like you done it. I kinda thought so. Felt like it. -I kinda thought so. Felt like it. Folks ain't talkin' about much else. They say they got posses out. Talkin' about a lynchin'--when they catch the fella. -Folks ain't talkin' about much else. They say they got posses out. Talkin' about a lynchin'--when they catch the fella. They killed Casy first. -They killed Casy first. That ain't the way they're tellin' it. They're sayin' you done it fust. -That ain't the way they're tellin' it. They're sayin' you done it fust. They know what--this fella looks like? -They know what--this fella looks like? They know he got hit in the face. -They know he got hit in the face. I'm sorry, Ma. But--I didn't know what I was doin', no more'n when you take a breath. I didn't even know I was gonna do it. -I'm sorry, Ma. But--I didn't know what I was doin', no more'n when you take a breath. I didn't even know I was gonna do it. It's awright, Tommy. I wisht you didn't do it, but you done what you had to do. I can't read no fault in you. -It's awright, Tommy. I wisht you didn't do it, but you done what you had to do. I can't read no fault in you. I'm gonna go away tonight. I can't go puttin' this on you folks. -I'm gonna go away tonight. I can't go puttin' this on you folks. Tom! They's a whole lot I don't understan', but goin' away ain't gonna ease us. They was the time when we was on the lan'. They was a bound'ry to us then. Ol' folks died off, an' little fellas come, an' we was always one thing-- we was the fambly--kinda whole an' clear. But now we ain't clear no more. They ain't nothin' keeps us clear. Al--he's a-hankerin' an' a- jibbitin' to go off on his own. An' Uncle John is just a-draggin' along. Pa's lost his place--he ain't the head no more. We're crackin' up, Tom. They ain't no fambly now. Rosasharn-- --she gonna have her baby, but *it* ain't gonna have no fambly. I been tryin' to keep her goin' but--Winfiel'-- what's he gonna be, this-a-way? Growin' up wild, an' Ruthie, too-- like animals. Got nothin' to trus'. Don't go Tom. Stay an' help. Help me. -Tom! They's a whole lot I don't understan', but goin' away ain't gonna ease us. They was the time when we was on the lan'. They was a bound'ry to us then. Ol' folks died off, an' little fellas come, an' we was always one thing-- we was the fambly--kinda whole an' clear. But now we ain't clear no more. They ain't nothin' keeps us clear. Al--he's a-hankerin' an' a- jibbitin' to go off on his own. An' Uncle John is just a-draggin' along. Pa's lost his place--he ain't the head no more. We're crackin' up, Tom. They ain't no fambly now. Rosasharn-- --she gonna have her baby, but *it* ain't gonna have no fambly. I been tryin' to keep her goin' but--Winfiel'-- what's he gonna be, this-a-way? Growin' up wild, an' Ruthie, too-- like animals. Got nothin' to trus'. Don't go Tom. Stay an' help. Help me. Okay, Ma. I shouldn't, though. I know I shouldn't. But okay. -That Casy. He might a been a preacher, but--he seen a lot a things clear. He was like a lantern--he helped mw see things too. Comes night we'll get outa here. -It's jus' till we get some distance. Then you can come out. I'd hate to get *trapped* in here. -What is it? Don't know--but it's better'n this. -She's gettin' prettier, Ma. Girl with a baby *always* gets prettier. -They was some cops here, Ma. They was takin' down the license numbers. It looks like somebody knows sump'n. It had to come, I reckon, soon or later. -It had to come, I reckon, soon or later. I'd like to stay. I'd like to be with ya-- --an' see your face when you an' Pa get settled in a nice little place. I sure wish I could see you then. But-- --I guess I won't never be able to do that. Not now. -I'd like to stay. I'd like to be with ya-- --an' see your face when you an' Pa get settled in a nice little place. I sure wish I could see you then. But-- --I guess I won't never be able to do that. Not now. I could hide you, Tommy. -I could hide you, Tommy. I know you would, Ma. But I ain't gonna let you. You hide somebody that's kilt a man an'... an' you'd be in trouble too. -I know you would, Ma. But I ain't gonna let you. You hide somebody that's kilt a man an'... an' you'd be in trouble too. Awright, Tommy. What you figger you gonna do? -Awright, Tommy. What you figger you gonna do? You know what I been thinkin' about, Ma? About Casy. About what he said, what he done, an' about how he died. An' I remember all of it. -You know what I been thinkin' about, Ma? About Casy. About what he said, what he done, an' about how he died. An' I remember all of it. He was a good man. -He was a good man. I been thinkin' about us, too--about our people livin' like pigs, an' good rich lan' layin' fallow, or maybe one fella with a million acres, while a hundred thousan' farmers is starvin'. An' I been wonderin' if all our folks got together an' yelled-- -I been thinkin' about us, too--about our people livin' like pigs, an' good rich lan' layin' fallow, or maybe one fella with a million acres, while a hundred thousan' farmers is starvin'. An' I been wonderin' if all our folks got together an' yelled-- Tommy, they'll drive you, an' cut you down like they done to Casy. -Tommy, they'll drive you, an' cut you down like they done to Casy. They gonna drive me anyways. Soon or later they'll get me, for one thing if not another. Until then... -They gonna drive me anyways. Soon or later they'll get me, for one thing if not another. Until then... You don't aim to kill nobody, Tom! -You don't aim to kill nobody, Tom! No, Ma. Not that. That ain't it. But long as I'm a outlaw, anyways, maybe I can do sump'n. Maybe I can jus' fin' out sump'n. Jus' scrounge aroun' an' try to fin' out what it is that's wrong, an then see if they ain't sump'n could be done about it. But I ain't thought it out clear, Ma. I can't. I don't know enough. -No, Ma. Not that. That ain't it. But long as I'm a outlaw, anyways, maybe I can do sump'n. Maybe I can jus' fin' out sump'n. Jus' scrounge aroun' an' try to fin' out what it is that's wrong, an then see if they ain't sump'n could be done about it. But I ain't thought it out clear, Ma. I can't. I don't know enough. How'm I gonna know 'bout you? They might kill you an' I wouldn't know. They might hurt you. How'm I gonna know? -How'm I gonna know 'bout you? They might kill you an' I wouldn't know. They might hurt you. How'm I gonna know? Well, maybe it's like Casy says, a fella ain't got a soul of his own, but on'y a piece of a big soul--the one big soul that belongs to ever'body-- an' then... -Well, maybe it's like Casy says, a fella ain't got a soul of his own, but on'y a piece of a big soul--the one big soul that belongs to ever'body-- an' then... Then what, Tom? -Then what, Tom? Then it don't matter. Then I'll be all aroun' in the dark. I'll be ever'where--wherever you look. Wherever there's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad--an' I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry an' they know supper's ready. An' when our people eat the stuff they raise, an' live in the houses they build, why, I'll be there too. -Then it don't matter. Then I'll be all aroun' in the dark. I'll be ever'where--wherever you look. Wherever there's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad--an' I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry an' they know supper's ready. An' when our people eat the stuff they raise, an' live in the houses they build, why, I'll be there too. I don't understan' it, Tom. -I don't understan' it, Tom. Me neither. It's jus' stuff I been thinkin' about. Gimme you han', Ma. Good-by. -Me neither. It's jus' stuff I been thinkin' about. Gimme you han', Ma. Good-by. Good-by, Tom. Later--when it's blowed over--you'll come back? You'll try to fin' us? -Good-by, Tom. Later--when it's blowed over--you'll come back? You'll try to fin' us? Sure. Good-by. -Sure. Good-by. Good-by, Tommy. -Yeah? Could you see your way clear to sell us a loaf of bread, ma'am. -Could you see your way clear to sell us a loaf of bread, ma'am. This ain't a groc'ry store. We got bread to make san'widges with. -This ain't a groc'ry store. We got bread to make san'widges with. I know, ma'am... on'y it's for a ole lady, no teeth, gotta sof'n it with water so she can chew it, an' she's hongry. -I know, ma'am... on'y it's for a ole lady, no teeth, gotta sof'n it with water so she can chew it, an' she's hongry. Whyn't you buy a san'wich? We got nice san'widges. -Whyn't you buy a san'wich? We got nice san'widges. I shore would like to do that, ma'am, but the fack is, we ain't got but a dime for it. It's all figgered out, I mean--for the trip. -I shore would like to do that, ma'am, but the fack is, we ain't got but a dime for it. It's all figgered out, I mean--for the trip. You can't get no loaf a bread for a dime. We only got fifteen-cent loafs. -This here's a fifteen-cent loaf. Would you--could you see your way to cuttin' off ten cents worth? -You can have this for ten cents. I don't wanta rob you, ma'am. -I don't wanta rob you, ma'am. Go ahead--Bert says take it. -Which ones? There, them stripy ones. -Oh, them? Well, no--them's *two* for a penny. Well, give me two then, ma'am. -Tommy? Muley! Where's my folks, Muley? -Muley! Where's my folks, Muley? They gone. -They gone. I know that! But *where* they gone? -Gone-- --over to your Uncle John's. The whole crowd of 'em, two weeks ago. But they can't stay there either, because John's got *his* notice to get off. But what's happened? How come they got to get off? We been here fifty years--same place. -But what's happened? How come they got to get off? We been here fifty years--same place. Ever'body got to get off. Ever'body leavin', goin' to California. My folks, your folks, ever'body's folks. Ever'body but me. I ain't gettin' off. -Ever'body got to get off. Ever'body leavin', goin' to California. My folks, your folks, ever'body's folks. Ever'body but me. I ain't gettin' off. But who done it? -But who done it? Listen! That's some of what done it--the dusters. Started it, anyway. Blowin' like this, year after year--blowin' the land away, blowin' the crops away, blowin' us away now. -Listen! That's some of what done it--the dusters. Started it, anyway. Blowin' like this, year after year--blowin' the land away, blowin' the crops away, blowin' us away now. Are you crazy? -Are you crazy? Some say I am. You want to hear what happened? -Some say I am. You want to hear what happened? That's what I asked you, ain't it? -Well? They come. They come and pushed me off. -What was the use. He was right. There wasn't a thing in the world I could do about it. But it don't seem possible--kicked off like that! -But it don't seem possible--kicked off like that! The rest of my fambly set out for the west--there wasn't nothin' to eat--but I couldn't leave. Somepin' wouldn't let me. So now I just wander around. Sleep wherever I am. I used to tell myself I was lookin' out for things, so when they come back ever'thing would be all right. But I knowed that wan't true. There ain't nothin' to look out for. And ain't nobody comin' back. They're gone-- and me, I'm just an 'ol graveyard ghost--that's all in the world I am. -Listen! That's them! Them lights! Come on, we got to hide out! Hide out for what? We ain't doin' nothin'. -Hide out for what? We ain't doin' nothin'. You're *trespassin'*! It ain't you lan' no more! An' that's the supr'tendant--with a gun! -All you got to do is lay down an' watch. Won't they come out here? -Won't they come out here? I don't think so. One come out here once an' I clipped him from behin' with a fence stake. They ain't bothered since. -Fact of the matter, Muley, after what them dusters done to the land, the tenant system don't work no more. It don't even break even, much less show a profit. One man on a tractor can handle twelve or fourteen of these places. You just pay him a wage and take *all* the crop. But we couldn't *do* on any less'n what our share is now. The chillun ain't gettin' enough to eat as it is, and they're so ragged we'd be shamed if ever'body else's chillun wasn't the same way. -But we couldn't *do* on any less'n what our share is now. The chillun ain't gettin' enough to eat as it is, and they're so ragged we'd be shamed if ever'body else's chillun wasn't the same way. I can't help that. All I know is I got my orders. They told me to tell you you got to get off, and that's what I'm telling you. -You mean get off my own land? Now don't go blaming me. It ain't *my* fault. -Who's the Shawnee Land and Cattle Comp'ny? It ain't nobody. It's a company. -Then who *do* we shoot? Brother, I don't know. If I did I'd tell you. But I just don't know *who's* to blame! -Brother, I don't know. If I did I'd tell you. But I just don't know *who's* to blame! Well, I'm right here to tell you, mister, ain't *nobody* going to push me off *my* land! Grampa took up this land seventy years ago. My pa was born here. We was *all* born on it, and some of us got killed on it, and some died on it. And that's what makes it ourn--bein' born on it, and workin' it, and dyin' on it--and not no piece of paper with writin' on it! So just come on and try to push me off! -That's Connie Rivers with her. They're married now. She's due about three-four months. Why, she wasn't no more'n a kid when I went up. -How you get all this money? Sol' things, chopped cotton--even Grampa. Got us about two hunnerd dollars all tol'. Shucked out seventy- five for this truck, but we still got nearly a hunnerd and fifty to set out on. I figger we oughta be able to make it on that. -Sol' things, chopped cotton--even Grampa. Got us about two hunnerd dollars all tol'. Shucked out seventy- five for this truck, but we still got nearly a hunnerd and fifty to set out on. I figger we oughta be able to make it on that. Easy. After all, they ain't but about *twelve* of us, is they? -Either we got to tie him up and *throw* him on the truck, or somepin. He can't stay here. Can't tie him. Either we'll hurt him or he'll git so mad he'll hurt his self. Reckon we could git him *drunk*? -Can't tie him. Either we'll hurt him or he'll git so mad he'll hurt his self. Reckon we could git him *drunk*? Ain't no whisky, is they? -Here we go! California, here we come! -I figger best we leave something like this on him, lest somebody dig him up and make out he been kilt. Lotta times looks like the gov'ment got more interest in a dead man than a live one. Not be so lonesome, either, knowin' his name is there with 'im, not just' a old fella lonesome underground. -Not be so lonesome, either, knowin' his name is there with 'im, not just' a old fella lonesome underground. Casy, won't you say a few words? -Got that desert yet. Gotta take her tonight. Take her in the daytime fella says she'll cut your gizzard out. How's Granma since we got her in the tent? -She's jus' wore out, that's all. I shore would like to stop here a while an' give her some res' but we on'y got 'bout forty dollars left. I won't feel right till we're there an' all workin' an' a little money comin' in. -Ya know, you're the second fella talked like that. I'd like to hear some more about that. Me an' you both. -Just in case. Sit up back an' if anybody tries to climb up--let 'im have it. I ain't got nothin' in *my* han'. -I ain't got nothin' in *my* han'. Give 'im a fryin' pan. -You wouldn't think jus' reachin' up an' pickin'd get you in the back. Think I'll walk out an' try to fin' out what all that fuss outside the gate was. Anybody wanta come with me? -Think I'll walk out an' try to fin' out what all that fuss outside the gate was. Anybody wanta come with me? No. I'm jus' gonna set awhile an' then go to bed. -Take 'er on down, Al. I'll sign. We gonna stay, ain't we? -We gonna stay, ain't we? You're tootin' we're gonna stay. -Good wages, eh! Pickin' oranges an' peaches? We gonna take whatever they got. -Whatta you think you're talkin' about? I got a han'bill here says good wages, an' I seen it in the papers they need pickers! Awright, go on! Ain't nobody stoppin' ya! -Awright, go on! Ain't nobody stoppin' ya! But what about this? -But what about this? I ain't gonna fret you. Go on! -But what does *that* prove? Look at 'em! Same yella han'bill-- 800 pickers wanted. Awright, this man wants 800 men. So he prints up 5,000 a them han'bills an' maybe 20,000 people sees 'em. An' maybe two-three thousan' starts movin, wes' account a this han'bill. Two- three thousan' folks that's crazy with worry headin' out for 800 jobs! Does that make sense? -Heh'o Tom. This is Connie, my husband. If this don't beat all! Well, I see you been busy already! -If this don't beat all! Well, I see you been busy already! You do not see either!--not yet! -Maybe it's nice on the other side. Them pitchers--them little pos'cards-- they was real pretty. Aw, sure. This here's jus' a part of it. Ain't no sense a gettin' scairt right off. -Cut it out, Pa. He'p Al with the truck. Don't fret, honey. You goin' to be awright. Tom, I jus' don't feel like nothin' a tall. Without him I jus' don't wanta live. -Tom, I jus' don't feel like nothin' a tall. Without him I jus' don't wanta live. Maybe he'll be back. We'll leave word for him. Jus' don't cry. -This here's the desert an' we're right in it! I wisht it was day. -I wisht it was day. Tom says if it's day it'll cut you gizzard smack out a you. I seen a pitcher once. They was bones ever'place. -Tom says if it's day it'll cut you gizzard smack out a you. I seen a pitcher once. They was bones ever'place. Man bones? -Man bones? Some, I guess, but mos'ly cow bones. -Git up. I got sump'n to show you. Whatsa matter? -Whatsa matter? It's them white things, made outa dish-stuff, like in the catalogues! -Come on. Ain't nobody gonna say anything. Won't they ketch us? -Lemme go! I didn't go to do it! Keep qui'te, will ya! Shet your mouth! -Keep qui'te, will ya! Shet your mouth! I never knowed it! All I done was pull that string! -I never knowed it! All I done was pull that string! Lissen. You done busted it. You hear? But lissen here. I won't tell nobody, y'understan'? -Lissen. You done busted it. You hear? But lissen here. I won't tell nobody, y'understan'? Please don't. -Please don't. I won't-- --if you won't tell what *I* done! -What's these? Well, I reckon you *stan'* in them little rooms--an' water come down outa that there little jigger up there--take a bath! -Jes' like in the catalogues, ain't they! I seen 'em b'fore you did. -I seen 'em b'fore you did. What's this? -What's this? Now don't you go monk'ing-- -Now you done it! You busted it! I never-- -Morning. Morning. -Morning. You people looking for work? -You people looking for work? Mister, we're lookin' even under boards for work. -Mister, we're lookin' even under boards for work. Can you pick peaches? -Can you pick peaches? We can pick anything. -We can pick anything. Well, there's plenty of work for you about forty miles north, this road just outside Pixley. Turn east on 32 and look for Hooper's ranch. Tell 'em Spencer sent you. -Lotta these little farmers mighty nice fellas. Trouble is they're little, they ain't got much say-so. Shore looks like my lucky day, anyway. Gettin' some work at las'. -You sure you got ever'thing ready? Ain't gonna be no trouble. -Ain't gonna be no trouble. You ain't to hurt them fellas. -Yes, sir. Awright. An' if she gets outa han', I'll be in the right han' corner, this side the dance floor. -Awright. An' if she gets outa han', I'll be in the right han' corner, this side the dance floor. Ain't gonna get outa han'. -But wait. I still don't understand what you do. I work at Kentucky Fried Chicken. -You do not. Yes I do. -Yes I do. You don't... -You don't... In the corporate offices. -In the corporate offices. Oh... really? -Oh... really? Yeah... -Yeah... What do you do? -What do you do? I sell biscuits to the Southland. -I sell biscuits to the Southland. You do not. -You do not. It's what I do. -It's what I do. You're so funny... -You're so funny... I sell biscuits and gravy all over the Southland-- -I sell biscuits and gravy all over the Southland-- --Stop it-- ---Stop it-- You know those horsey biscuit gravy packets? I move all of those-- -You know those horsey biscuit gravy packets? I move all of those-- --No. ---No. Sometimes we sell them to McDonald's and just change them to special barbecue sauce. -Welcome back! I'm Arlene Oslott- Joseph. I'm Martin Blank. -Marty, you haven't changed a bit! Don't say that. -We had pictures put on, that way everybody knows who everybody was! Wonderful. -Wonderful. So, what are you doing now? -So, what are you doing now? Whatever I can get away with. -Bob. Bob Destephano. What? -What? I'm Dan. Dan Koretzky. -I'm Dan. Dan Koretzky. Computer guy. -Computer guy. Yeah... Hey, I saw you at your dad's dealership the other day. -Yeah... Hey, I saw you at your dad's dealership the other day. I sell BMW's. What do you do? -I sell BMW's. What do you do? Not much, actually. My software company just went public so I'm just... hanging out, really. -Remember high school? Sure. Listen. Why don't you join us up in the grandstands? -Bob... What? -What? It's me. Martin Blank. -It's me. Martin Blank. Really...? So what? -Really...? So what? Okay. See you later. -So. You and Debi. Gonna hit that shit again? Fine, Bob. How are you? -Fine, Bob. How are you? Never better. -Never better. Really? -Ahhh... it's all fucked up. Nothing adds up to nothing... you work your whole life, day in and day out-- try to make sense of it all. One day you're twenty-seven and what do you get to show for it... You could've been a contender, huh? -What am I gonna do? What do you want to do? -What do you want to do? I want to be an actor. -I want to be an actor. Then express yourself, Bob. -I'd come to the realization that everything I'd based my life on was false. And that my life had no meaning. He gets this way when he hits over eighty-five. -He gets this way when he hits over eighty-five. It seemed like my life was slipping away, somehow. I was a knot in the middle of a wet rope. Everything was futile and nothing had value. -That's a tragedy. Can I finish my story please? I began my search for meaning. I was a Catholic, Jew, Scientologist, Sufi, Buddhist. I went to a Psychologist, psychiatrist, herbalist, nutritionist, a shaman, and a psychic. And they all pretty much say the same stuff. A Jew, a shaman, and a herbalist are telling you the same thing? You're insane. -A Jew, a shaman, and a herbalist are telling you the same thing? You're insane. Basically the same thing. In a very evolved, esoteric way. -Basically the same thing. In a very evolved, esoteric way. Insane. -Insane. To make a long story short... -Jesus... Overflowing with love. -Oh I see. You got your individual slices of hope, dignity, confidence, self-love, justice, and harmony. You open 'em up and there's the sayings, stories, little bites of insight. It's the P.P.P. Six Day Week. -You open 'em up and there's the sayings, stories, little bites of insight. It's the P.P.P. Six Day Week. So you eat-- read it everyday? -So you eat-- read it everyday? Yes. -Yes. And these pan pizzas have opened up the doors to heaven? -And these pan pizzas have opened up the doors to heaven? Correct. That's for you. Keep it. -I just play my own collection. It's nice to see you again. -How long has it been? Since you stood me up on prom night and vanished without saying a word? -Since you stood me up on prom night and vanished without saying a word? Ten years, I think. What I miss? -Well, let me see... they tore down the George Orwell monument and put up a bust of George Michael. Main Street's a four-laner, no left turns four to seven. I was married and divorced. And Grosse Pointe is now officially the new sister city to Lower Hutt, New Zealand. We have fiber-optic town meetings every two months. Here is now there. There is here. -Tell me about yourself. I'm in California most of the time. Traveling a lot on business. That's about it, really. -I'm in California most of the time. Traveling a lot on business. That's about it, really. That's it? -That's it? Not much else. -Not much else. What's your business? -What's your business? I'm a professional killer. -I'm a professional killer. Professional killer. Do you get dental with that? -Well, I gotta go. But I'll come back. Okay. -All right mystery man. I want some answers. Let's recap. Spring of '84. Two young lovers with frightening natural chemistry. The girl sits in a seven-hundred dollar prom dress at her father's house waiting for the most romantic night of her young life. The boy never shows up, until now. So, what's the question? Where have I been? -Where have I been? More like what happened? What happened, Mr. Blank? -More like what happened? What happened, Mr. Blank? I don't know exactly. I could venture a guess but it would sound like a rationalization... I thought you know... maybe seeing you, some friends, my house... of course now a 7-11-- -I don't know exactly. I could venture a guess but it would sound like a rationalization... I thought you know... maybe seeing you, some friends, my house... of course now a 7-11-- --Torn down in the name of convenience-- ---Torn down in the name of convenience-- --and I guess, sure, seeing you would be part of that whole equation... I suppose the most important thing, really. I don't know. Anyway, this whole thing's my therapist's idea. It's my shrink, really. ---and I guess, sure, seeing you would be part of that whole equation... I suppose the most important thing, really. I don't know. Anyway, this whole thing's my therapist's idea. It's my shrink, really. Ohhh. You're in therapy too, Marty? -Ohhh. You're in therapy too, Marty? You see someone? -You see someone? Uh, no. So you're back now, a decade later, and you want to sort things out with me. The question now is, do I allow you... access... to my being? -Are you going to the reunion? No. I'm not going. Is that why you're here? -No. I'm not going. Is that why you're here? That's part of it. -That's part of it. Well, you'll have a ball. You seem to have everything everybody wants when they go back. The car, the suit, the watch. The look. That just leaves the little things, like happiness, character, point of view... -Well, you'll have a ball. You seem to have everything everybody wants when they go back. The car, the suit, the watch. The look. That just leaves the little things, like happiness, character, point of view... It's always the little things. -It's always the little things. Yep. -Okay. Let's catch up. You go first. Well, there's not much to tell. -Well, there's not much to tell. I'm sure you've done worthwhile things in the last ten years. You've had experiences. -I'm sure you've done worthwhile things in the last ten years. You've had experiences. Bad experiences. -Bad experiences. You met people. -You met people. Bad people. -Bad people. Watched television? -Watched television? Bad television. -Bad television. Jesus. Marty. You're pathetic. It sounds like you need a Shockabuku. -Jesus. Marty. You're pathetic. It sounds like you need a Shockabuku. What's that? -What's that? It's a swift spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever. -It's a swift spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever. That'd be good. -I figured I could pick you up tomorrow around seven o'clock. Let me get this straight, are you asking me out? -Let me get this straight, are you asking me out? Yes. -Yes. Unbelievable. -Unbelievable. Seven it is. -Seven it is. I'll think about it. -Are you there? Yes. -Yes. Pick me up at my father's house at around seven. And don't be late this time. -Hello...? This night, this reunion will be an important step in our relationship. -This night, this reunion will be an important step in our relationship. You're fucking psycho. -You're fucking psycho. Don't rush to judgement until all the facts are in. -Flowers. That's funny. As long as I get the laugh. -As long as I get the laugh. Here. Let me put these in some rubbing alcohol. -You look beautiful. Okay... Hold on... -...Let me get my coat. I'll just help myself to a cocktail. -Do you want to get a drink first? I think they'll probably have booze there. -I think they'll probably have booze there. Right. -Shoulda brought my gun. What? ---Yes. Actually we just bought that little Frank Lloyd Wright on Pine Avenue... Debi's a social worker and I mow down insurance claims at Aetna-- We haven't seen each other since high school. -Which would you rather...? Okay... Would you rather... commit yourself sexually to a four-by-nine cell with former President George Herbert Walker Bush dressed as a super-model for a month, or make love to a otter on crank for a week? -Okay... Would you rather... commit yourself sexually to a four-by-nine cell with former President George Herbert Walker Bush dressed as a super-model for a month, or make love to a otter on crank for a week? Soft. I'll take the junkie otter, clearly! I'd let the little beast scratch and claw all he wants... Okay. Would you rather make love to the candied corpse of Phyllis Diller-- -Soft. I'll take the junkie otter, clearly! I'd let the little beast scratch and claw all he wants... Okay. Would you rather make love to the candied corpse of Phyllis Diller-- --She's not dead--- ---She's not dead--- It's just a game...! Alright. Candied Diller, or... wear a hot pork vest across the desert with a fully digested crab apple in your mouth? -It's just a game...! Alright. Candied Diller, or... wear a hot pork vest across the desert with a fully digested crab apple in your mouth? Wow. I have to give this some thought. -Wow. I have to give this some thought. No time. -No time. Okay, then. Clearly candied Diller. -Even though I left, you never left me. Not just memory but a substance in my blood. Like heroin? -Like heroin? Too junky-kitschy. Deeper, deeper. -Too junky-kitschy. Deeper, deeper. Like love? -Like love? Could be. The physical substance of love. -He was trying to kill you, right! Yes. -Yes. Not the other way around...? -Not the other way around...? No. -No. Is it something you've done? -Is it something you've done? It's something I do... -...About five years now. Get the fuck outta here. -Get the fuck outta here. "Seriously, when I left, I joined the Army and took the service exam. They found my psych results fit a certain profile. A certain ""Moral flexibility"" would be the best way to describe it... I was loaned out to a CIA- sponsored program. It's called ""mechanical operations."" We sort of found each other..." -"Seriously, when I left, I joined the Army and took the service exam. They found my psych results fit a certain profile. A certain ""Moral flexibility"" would be the best way to describe it... I was loaned out to a CIA- sponsored program. It's called ""mechanical operations."" We sort of found each other..." You're a government spook? -I was, but no... yes... I was before, but now I'm not. It's irrelevant, really. The idea of governments, nations, it's mostly a public relations theory at this point, anyway. But I'll tell you something, until about five months ago, I really enjoyed my work. Jesus Christ! -Jesus Christ! Then I started losing my taste for it. Which usually means your time is up. But then I realized it was something entirely different... I started getting the sneaking, dark suspicion that maybe there was... meaning to life. -Then I started losing my taste for it. Which usually means your time is up. But then I realized it was something entirely different... I started getting the sneaking, dark suspicion that maybe there was... meaning to life. Okay. Great, Martin, that's just great. Meaning to life... Mmm.... -Okay. Great, Martin, that's just great. Meaning to life... Mmm.... Like, that there's a point? An organic connection between all living things. -Like, that there's a point? An organic connection between all living things. Let me help you along, Martin. You're a sociopath! -Let me help you along, Martin. You're a sociopath! A sociopath kills for no reason. I kill for money. -A sociopath kills for no reason. I kill for money. You never could have kept this from me. -You never could have kept this from me. I was leaving. -I was leaving. That's probably a good idea. -That's probably a good idea. Will you come with me? -Will you come with me? I'm staying here. -I'm staying here. What if I come back? -What if I come back? I'll hide. -You don't get to have me. You are a monster, I'm a human being. We're not going to mate. You don't understand... -You don't understand... That's because I speak human, and you speak monster. -You kill people. I have no illusions about the future. What is, is. We make choices. And we become the sum total of our choices. I can live with that. -I have no illusions about the future. What is, is. We make choices. And we become the sum total of our choices. I can live with that. Other people can't. -Why don't you want to go to your high school reunion? It's in Michigan. Honestly, what do I have in common with those people? Or with anyone? -You went to school with these people. Come on. -Come on. We've spent a lot of time discussing those years. Remember we said that fear is a transfer of the bodily hurt associated by experience with the thing feared, to the thought of the thing. Thus we fear a dog without distinctly imagining its bite. -We've spent a lot of time discussing those years. Remember we said that fear is a transfer of the bodily hurt associated by experience with the thing feared, to the thought of the thing. Thus we fear a dog without distinctly imagining its bite. Shouldn't you be taking notes? -Shouldn't you be taking notes? Tell me about your vision of the reunion. -How do you know? I just know. -I just know. Say more. -Say more. "They'll have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs.... made themselves a part of something. And they can talk about what they do. What am I going to say? ""I killed the President of Paraguay with a fork.""" -You needn't be so frank with me about your work. "Why not. I trust you. You couldn't turn me in because of Doctor-Patient privilege... and I don't want to be ""withholding""... and I know where you live." -"Why not. I trust you. You couldn't turn me in because of Doctor-Patient privilege... and I don't want to be ""withholding""... and I know where you live." You know where I live? -You know where I live? We're both professionals, Oatman. -We're both professionals, Oatman. "I think what you fear Martin is domesticity. It's the greatest fear that men have who belong to Western Culture. It's centuries old. Like King Phillip, in the 11th or 12th century who decided one day that he was so bored with his dreary life at home with his wife he thought, ""Well, wouldn't it be great if we hit the road and fought... oh... the Saracens."" So he put the word out and was amazed when a million men signed up and all of them wanted to go and fight in distant lands and do terrible things to people rather than stay at home with their families." -"I think what you fear Martin is domesticity. It's the greatest fear that men have who belong to Western Culture. It's centuries old. Like King Phillip, in the 11th or 12th century who decided one day that he was so bored with his dreary life at home with his wife he thought, ""Well, wouldn't it be great if we hit the road and fought... oh... the Saracens."" So he put the word out and was amazed when a million men signed up and all of them wanted to go and fight in distant lands and do terrible things to people rather than stay at home with their families." So you're saying that Ulysses-- everything he said to his queen when he came back--everything was a lie? He just wanted to fuck around? -So you're saying that Ulysses-- everything he said to his queen when he came back--everything was a lie? He just wanted to fuck around? Yes. -Yes. Mmm. -And how have you been feeling about your... work lately? Uneasy. Dispassionate. Bored. It's just getting hard to go to work in a good mood. I'm starting to think I've been in the business too long. Last week I did a guy younger than me. -Anyway, that never use to happen. I was always the prodigy. Now I'm just one of the guys. Maybe some of the discomfort you're feeling is... guilt. Remorse. Over the innocent people you've killed. -Maybe some of the discomfort you're feeling is... guilt. Remorse. Over the innocent people you've killed. If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there. I don't care about that stuff, anyway. -If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there. I don't care about that stuff, anyway. What stuff? -What stuff? Morality. -Go to your reunion, Martin. See those people and discover what they mean to you. Try not to kill anybody for a few days, see how you feel. If I get antsy I'll kill a few small animals. -What else? Say more. Saw my mom... I'm with Debi, and I'm on my way to the reunion. -Okay. Repeat this after me. Out Loud? -...I am at home with the me. I am rooted in me, who is on this adventure. Take a deep breath and realize, that this is me breathing. -Take a deep breath and realize, that this is me breathing. This is me breating. -How was your day, today, sir? Effective. But to tell you the truth, I've lost my passion for work. -Effective. But to tell you the truth, I've lost my passion for work. Do you like the people you work with? -Do you like the people you work with? I work alone. -I work alone. "That's it then. That's it. I've always been alone. That's why I'm a good driver. I can handle it. See, I can think on my feet. I survive, I'm a thinker. And I can sit there in front of your house for two hours and it don't bother me. Some people can't do it! Some people are ranting and raving, ""Tell them fuckin' people to get out here and get in this car, I can't-- I want a go!"" Where you gonna go? You're gonna wind up back in your garage at seven o'clock at night. You ain't going nowhere. You leave your house in the morning you get back to your house in the evening. What's the big deal, right?" -"That's it then. That's it. I've always been alone. That's why I'm a good driver. I can handle it. See, I can think on my feet. I survive, I'm a thinker. And I can sit there in front of your house for two hours and it don't bother me. Some people can't do it! Some people are ranting and raving, ""Tell them fuckin' people to get out here and get in this car, I can't-- I want a go!"" Where you gonna go? You're gonna wind up back in your garage at seven o'clock at night. You ain't going nowhere. You leave your house in the morning you get back to your house in the evening. What's the big deal, right?" You understand the psychology of the job. -You understand the psychology of the job. I do. Some guys can't adjust to it; they can't handle it. -You look like you're far away. Far away and thinking about other things. I'm right about that, aren't I? No. -No. Well, let's just say that sometimes I'm right. Sometimes you are. -Well, let's just say that sometimes I'm right. Sometimes you are. Sometimes I am. Sometimes. It's only natural. -Sometimes I am. Sometimes. It's only natural. It's only natural.... -I been looking at you, and I've decided that I want to share something with you. Okay. -Okay. Because your problem is you're bored. And you have a very big mind. I am part of what I call a brain syndicate. -I am part of a network of minds, a group of five people who are all connected, over hundreds, even thousands of miles, through the mind. We can think with each other, think for each other. I can be driving somewhere, sleeping with a woman-- whatever it is-- and at the same time be thinking a thought in someone else's mind, far away. Running someone else's brain. Up on the right. -Up on the right. And when you think of it, it's not so surprising that a small group of people control the whole world, is it? -What do you want? I'm setting up a concern that would enable those of us in our rarefied profession to consolidate our efforts. -I'm setting up a concern that would enable those of us in our rarefied profession to consolidate our efforts. Like a union? -Like a union? Like a club. Work less, make more. -Like a club. Work less, make more. Thank you, no. -Thank you, no. We could be working together, making big money, killing important people... I'm willing to let you in on the ground floor. -We could be working together, making big money, killing important people... I'm willing to let you in on the ground floor. And you could be... sort of like... a father figure to me.... -It's a free-market evolution. You'll wake up to it... c'mon Kid. We used to run together when you were a rookie. I don't want to run against you. This thing's real. Everybody's in. Not me. So don't paw at me with your dirty little guild. -Not me. So don't paw at me with your dirty little guild. I'm gonna get you, kid. -I want two eggs poached, hash brown well-done. English muffin for the bread. And a coffee. Whole-grain pancakes. And an egg- white omelette. -Come on, live a little. I'm sorry about the incident yesterday. No harm no foul. -No harm no foul. A little misunderstanding among my associates. -I told them to kill you and they didn't. Hard to get good help these days. -Hard to get good help these days. But since we're both here, I think it's time to take a fresh look at our relationship. -But since we're both here, I think it's time to take a fresh look at our relationship. "I didn't get into this business to have ""associates."" And I don't want to join your Goddamned union. ""Loner-- "" ""Loner gunman."" Get it? ""On my own."" That's the whole point. Why don't you become a cop, or something. You can drink coffee in the morning... with friends!" -No deal. Fine. But we're not going to let you do your job. Because we're gonna do it. And then, after we do your job, we're gonna do another little job... -Fine. But we're not going to let you do your job. Because we're gonna do it. And then, after we do your job, we're gonna do another little job... Is that right? -Is that right? Yeah-- after I shoot you through the fucking forehead I'm gonna fuck you in the bullethole. -Yeah-- after I shoot you through the fucking forehead I'm gonna fuck you in the bullethole. Nice talk, Sugarmouth. -It's okay. It's Martin The door begins to open revealing Debi and Newberry. I know what I do isn't moral, per se, but if you could just look past that, you'd see a man worth loving. -I know what I do isn't moral, per se, but if you could just look past that, you'd see a man worth loving. Don't listen to him, he's a professional. -...How about I sell you two rounds for a hundred grand a piece? Okay. -There you go. I left it blank. Excellent. Here they come. -Hey, Ken. How have you been? Hello Martin. How have you been? -Hello Martin. How have you been? Not bad. You? -Hello, Bob. Hey, Bob. -I'm an attorney. I'm with Moss, Brice & Fromeyer. That sounds pretty interesting... -Sometimes. I'm in divorce, mainly. Some property. Some personal injury. Those all seem kind of related... -Well... I have to take this over to Debi. Here. Take my card. Wait a minute... here's a special one. For top-shelf clients. -Have you seen Debi Newberry? Nope. -The more things change, the more they Goddamned well stay the same. I guess. -You always say that. You always say that. I'm telling you, you never met the man. Seventeen months ago I was posting a walk in Lisbon, and he was there. He never saw me. But I saw him, though. -Seventeen months ago I was posting a walk in Lisbon, and he was there. He never saw me. But I saw him, though. Lisbon? -Lisbon? In Portugal, yes. -Here's the news: He hasn't been in Portugal since '90. I know that from the file. Why don't you read the file, man? In fact, I think I talked with him, in Bonn. -Well? I don't think so. -I don't think so. Well, remember when Frysal's men paid off the Deejay in Cairo to announce a bogus press conference in the -- -Well, remember when Frysal's men paid off the Deejay in Cairo to announce a bogus press conference in the -- --Nooo-- ---Nooo-- --Yes. And the Munich Olympics in '72. A local radio station started broadcasting news of the massacre two minutes before it happened. -That's strictly Bàader-Meinhof stuff. It was the PLO. -It was the PLO. Whatever. -I wish he'd do his job already so we could do our job. We can't do our job unless he does his job. -We can't do our job unless he does his job. Why don't we just do his job then, so we can do our job, and get the fuck out of here. -Why don't we just do his job then, so we can do our job, and get the fuck out of here. Do his job? I'm not a cold-blooded killer. -Do his job? I'm not a cold-blooded killer. Wait a minute-- -Wait a minute-- -Look. You want to kill a Good Guy, but not be a Bad Guy, you wait until a Bad Guy kills the Good Guy, and then you come in and kill the Bad Guy, and then you're the Good Guy. --Look. You want to kill a Good Guy, but not be a Bad Guy, you wait until a Bad Guy kills the Good Guy, and then you come in and kill the Bad Guy, and then you're the Good Guy. So if we do his job, we're the bad guys. If we do our job, we're the good guys. -So if we do his job, we're the bad guys. If we do our job, we're the good guys. Yup. -He's falling for her. Look at him. He using her. -He using her. You're wrong. Look at his face. -You're wrong. Look at his face. One cannot love and kill. -One cannot love and kill. I love. I kill. -Looks like someone keeps trying to do our job for us. If he does our job, he's our job. -If he does our job, he's our job. I get it. -Did you see Blank in there? No... -No... Good. For a second there I thought we were in trouble. -...Tell them that's not my problem. I was paid for one job-- the cyclist-- not two. See you tomorrow, Marcella. Wait. I have Mr. Grocer for you. -Wait. I have Mr. Grocer for you. Patch him through.... -Throw that away. This? -This? Don't tease me. You know what I do for a living. -Don't tease me. You know what I do for a living. It's from one of those P.O. Boxes. How was the trip? -It's from one of those P.O. Boxes. How was the trip? Tedious. I now authorize you to throw away all personal mail. -Tedious. I now authorize you to throw away all personal mail. All of it? -All of it? And not show it to me. Ever again. -And not show it to me. Ever again. That's going to cost. -That's going to cost. I'll pay. -They're not happy, sir. I'm not happy. -I'm not happy. They say their friend was suppose to have a heart attack and die in his sleep. -They say their friend was suppose to have a heart attack and die in his sleep. He didn't. -He didn't. They blame you for the compromise. -They blame you for the compromise. And they want me to make up for it. -And they want me to make up for it. In Detroit. This weekend. -In Detroit. This weekend. Tell them that's impossible. I need my normal lead time. -Tell them that's impossible. I need my normal lead time. They were very upset. -They were very upset. Would you describe their position as inflexible? -Would you describe their position as inflexible? Intractable, sir. You leave tonight. -And sir, I also get that broken- mirror, black-cat, Friday-the- thirteenth kind of feeling about this one.... There's nothing to be done about it. -There's nothing to be done about it. I liquidated the last account in Zurich, and split it into two new ones in Estonia. -I liquidated the last account in Zurich, and split it into two new ones in Estonia. Good. What else? Anything interesting? -Good. What else? Anything interesting? Mmm, not really. But you're gonna love this one. -Enough? Never enough. -Never enough. But it's a Greenpeace boat. It'd be so easy. -I have scruples. Next. Paperwork on the Detroit thing. It's a full dossier. Very comprehensive. -Don't forget your identity. See you next week. -This is not good. I'll do it tomorrow. -What's it look like? It's fine. -It's fine. You haven't looked at the dossier. -You haven't looked at the dossier. I've looked at it. -You have. Yes. It's the same as usual. Nothing remarkable about it at all. -Yes. It's the same as usual. Nothing remarkable about it at all. I have to call the client and give them a reason why you're late. -I have to call the client and give them a reason why you're late. Tell them my house exploded. -I'll call them and tell them you're taking your time. Being a professional. Okay, call them. Fine. Oh-- And if you could find out why they double- booked the job, and who is trying to kill me, and call me back-- that's be great. -Okay, call them. Fine. Oh-- And if you could find out why they double- booked the job, and who is trying to kill me, and call me back-- that's be great. Will do. -I bought a new rug. That's wonderful, Mom. -That's wonderful, Mom. What's a revival tent? -What's a revival tent? It's a place where religious people-- -It's a place where religious people-- Marlin Perkins and Jim! -Marlin Perkins and Jim! Jim? -Jim? His assistant. He acted like Marlin's son, only he wasn't. At least they never said he was... I bet they were lovers, faggots. Yes, gay lovers. Wild Kingdom my ass! -It's good to see you. I'm sure you're curious about what I've been doing. I spoke to your father the other day. -I spoke to your father the other day. I imagine that'd be rather difficult. -I imagine that'd be rather difficult. Nature made him then broke the mold. -They told me you're taking lithium, mom. Yes, they give me headaches. I have a headache. -Yes, they give me headaches. I have a headache. You have a headache? -You have a headache? I have a headache. You have a headache? -I have a headache. You have a headache? No, I don't have one. -No, I don't have one. You don't have a headache. I have a headache. -We had a good laugh, didn't we? Yeah. I guess we did. -Why don't you return this car and borrow mine? Have Debi follow you to the rent-a-car so you can get a ride back. I think I'll go see Debi today. -I think I'll go see Debi today. Of course you will. -Of course you will. I can't think of anything to say to her that seems appropriate given I left and never said goodbye to her. -I can't think of anything to say to her that seems appropriate given I left and never said goodbye to her. Take care of her. She's a keeper. -Take care of her. She's a keeper. Yeah... -Yeah... And a leader. Didn't she meet Castro on foreign exchange? -And a leader. Didn't she meet Castro on foreign exchange? I have always thought about her and missed her. -Marty! It's me. Paul. Paul? -Paul? You're leaving me hanging here... -So what happened to you? Same thing that happened to you-- I stopped poutin' there on the sidelines. Got in. Got on the team. I joined the working week, you slick fucking asshole, so why don't you valet park your high horse and take it easy on your old buddy, Paul. -Same thing that happened to you-- I stopped poutin' there on the sidelines. Got in. Got on the team. I joined the working week, you slick fucking asshole, so why don't you valet park your high horse and take it easy on your old buddy, Paul. Fair enough. -God it's great to see you. You too. -Debi's house. Kind of crept up on you, didn't it? -Kind of crept up on you, didn't it? No. You drove us here. -No. You drove us here. Yeah, but it's still kind of eerie, isn't it? -Yeah, but it's still kind of eerie, isn't it? No. -Ten years. What happened!? I freaked out, joined the Army, worked for the government, and went into business for myself... I'm a professional killer. -I freaked out, joined the Army, worked for the government, and went into business for myself... I'm a professional killer. Thank you. -He sells BMW's? He sold me this bad boy. -He sold me this bad boy. How could you put your hard-earned dollars into the hands of the class bully? -How could you put your hard-earned dollars into the hands of the class bully? He gave me a great deal. -He gave me a great deal. Mein Dealer. -What the hell happened to you? I was catching up with Bob Destephano. -I was catching up with Bob Destephano. As long as you had a good time. -It didn't work out. That's too bad. -That's too bad. I have to get my head back into my work. -I have to get my head back into my work. Work's good for the soul. -When you see Debi, tell her I'm sorry. See you in ten years. -So when are you authorized to use deadly force? Well, a 'course, taxes provide your basic service-- police and whatnot. But our customers need a little more than just that, you understand? This badge doesn't mean that I am a peace officer. -So it's not a meaningful symbol, or anything. That badge is just the badge of your company. If I look suspicious on your customers' property-- well, under those heightened circumstances you have the authority to, ah... To shoot me. To shoot you. Correct. -To shoot you. Correct. How did you get this job? -How did you get this job? Well, they were hiring, and it was only a two week course... -Well, they were hiring, and it was only a two week course... Wow. -Good evening, Mr. Newberry. Good evening, Mr. Blank. -Good evening, Mr. Blank. How are you? How's business? -How are you? How's business? Martin, I don't know where you've been since you abandoned my daughter ten years ago, and I don't care. It was good that you left, and I'm glad you did. So what do you want to talk about? You've grown up a bit. Maybe I had you figured wrong. -Martin, I don't know where you've been since you abandoned my daughter ten years ago, and I don't care. It was good that you left, and I'm glad you did. So what do you want to talk about? You've grown up a bit. Maybe I had you figured wrong. How's that? -How's that? I visualized you, in a haze, as one of the slackster, flannel-wearing, coffeehouse-misanthropes I've been seeing in Newsweek. -I visualized you, in a haze, as one of the slackster, flannel-wearing, coffeehouse-misanthropes I've been seeing in Newsweek. I took the other road. I'm more of a self-reflective young lion who does business with lead-pipe cruelty and goes home to drink light beer in milky-eyes isolation. I love sports and sex and have no real relationships with anyone. And you? -I took the other road. I'm more of a self-reflective young lion who does business with lead-pipe cruelty and goes home to drink light beer in milky-eyes isolation. I love sports and sex and have no real relationships with anyone. And you? Oh, you know me, Martin. I'm the same old sell-out baby-boomer, exploiting the oppressed I got shot for at Kent State. But why don't we have a drink and forget the whole thing? -Why not? So what are you doing with your life now, son? -So what are you doing with your life now, son? I'm a professional killer. -I'm a professional killer. That's good. -This is Annie MacLean. Yeah. Hello. This is Tom Booker. I got a message you called. -I went on the Internet and found this article about you... It says you're a Horse Whisperer, that you... you help people with horse problems. And you have quite a success rate when it comes to traumatized -- Well, see, truth is, ma'am, I help horses with people's problems. -Well, see, truth is, ma'am, I help horses with people's problems. Well, you know, however you want to put it -- I got your information from the publisher of the article. I called Montana and your sister-in-law, I think, gave me this number. I'm been hot on your trail you could say because I was hoping you'd consider coming to New York and taking a look at my daughter's horse and possibly -- -Well, you know, however you want to put it -- I got your information from the publisher of the article. I called Montana and your sister-in-law, I think, gave me this number. I'm been hot on your trail you could say because I was hoping you'd consider coming to New York and taking a look at my daughter's horse and possibly -- Ma'am, I'm very sorry about your problems and I appreciate what your daughter must be going through, but I'm afraid you've misunderstood whatever it is you read. I don't do that sort of thing. -Ma'am, I'm very sorry about your problems and I appreciate what your daughter must be going through, but I'm afraid you've misunderstood whatever it is you read. I don't do that sort of thing. Well, if you could just come for the day. New York's only a few hours by plane, I'd have you home by dinner... -Well, if you could just come for the day. New York's only a few hours by plane, I'd have you home by dinner... Look, even if it was nearer, that's just not what I do. I give clinics. And I'm not even doing them for a while. I'm heading back to Montana right now. I got a ranch to take care of... -Look, even if it was nearer, that's just not what I do. I give clinics. And I'm not even doing them for a while. I'm heading back to Montana right now. I got a ranch to take care of... I'll pay you for your fare. I'll send you to Montana first class. -I'll pay you for your fare. I'll send you to Montana first class. Ma'am, first class to Montana is a waste of good money. Now, am I being too polite here or when I say NO in Utah, does that mean YES in New York City? -I, I don't mean to sound insensitive. I understand your situation. But there's nothing I can do. You just called the wrong person, that's all. I hear there are a bunch of therapists in New York. Maybe you should call one of them. Mr. Booker, if I could just ex -- -Mr. Booker, if I could just ex -- I am very sorry, ma'am. Goodbye now. -It's, uh... beautiful country. I had a little bit of a hard time finding the place. There are no signs. Plenty of signs -- just none of them printed. Who do I get the idea you're not just passing through! -Plenty of signs -- just none of them printed. Who do I get the idea you're not just passing through! Well... OK... here it is... Uh... I'd like you to take a look at my horse. Now -- it won't take long and if, after that, you still don't feel... -Well... OK... here it is... Uh... I'd like you to take a look at my horse. Now -- it won't take long and if, after that, you still don't feel... Were you thinking of personally driving me back East? -Were you thinking of personally driving me back East? Oh no. She's here. I brought him along. And my daughter, too. We're staying at Peterson's... -Oh no. She's here. I brought him along. And my daughter, too. We're staying at Peterson's... You mean you hauled him all the way out here? Just like that? -You mean you hauled him all the way out here? Just like that? Well... yes... I had a trailer. It's not like I made him run along side of the car. -Well... yes... I had a trailer. It's not like I made him run along side of the car. All by yourself? -I uh... ha, ha... I don't think I ever met a lady quite like yourself and I appreciate all the pains you've gone through to -- "Look! Please! Don't do the ""shucks, ma'am"" thing again! I've driven a few thousand miles for a few minutes of your time. I've brought him here -- to your neck of the... -- mountains. Just take a look at him. If you still feel the same way, I'll be on the road by morning and you'll never see me again. OK? Deal?" -Uh, no. I was gonna take a look now. You want us to come with you? I just have to run to the main house and give Mr. Peterson a check. -You want us to come with you? I just have to run to the main house and give Mr. Peterson a check. Doesn't matter. -Doesn't matter. Grace?... Grace, you want to come with us, take a look at Pilgrim? -When I work with a horse, it's no good just me doing it. It doesn't work that way. The owner needs to be involved too. Well, that'll be a little complicated -- -Well, that'll be a little complicated -- You can make it as complicated or as easy as you like. But she's the one who's gonna be riding him, am I right? So here's the deal. I'm not sure I can do anything, but I'm prepared to give it a go -- -- if you'll help. You have a problem with that? -Look, I'll talk to Grace and call you later-- Excuse me, with all due respect, but this is her decision, not yours. And I don't want to waste anybody's time -- mostly mine. -I don't have a problem with that. It's up to Annie. Well, it's worth it, really? I mean, how much longer do you think you need to work with Pilgrim? -Well, it's worth it, really? I mean, how much longer do you think you need to work with Pilgrim? That's up to Pilgrim. -You know, we're branding here tomorrow. If you two want to come by to watch or give a hand, you're welcome. Branding? I haven't branded in years. -You okay? It is cocktail hour yet? -So how was your first and last day of branding? Don't be so sure it's my last. There are a few people back home I'd like to put under a red hot iron. -What? You ever just stand still for a minute? -You ever just stand still for a minute? You stand still too long in New York you get hit by a bicycle messenger. You know, sometimes, I get the feeling, Mr. Booker, that you're laughing at me. Why is that? -That's your cue to say you're not laughing at me. Oh, I see, you write both sides of the conversation? -Oh, I see, you write both sides of the conversation? It's a man's world, Mr. Booker. Most women have to. -It's a man's world, Mr. Booker. Most women have to. Well, maybe I am laughing a bit... I just thought, as long as you're here, it would be nice for you to relax into the place a little. -Well, maybe I am laughing a bit... I just thought, as long as you're here, it would be nice for you to relax into the place a little. Well... It's beautiful country, I'll give you that. And I could see having some kind of vacation place. Retreat. But I don't know how you do it full time. Don't you miss the rest of the world? -Well... It's beautiful country, I'll give you that. And I could see having some kind of vacation place. Retreat. But I don't know how you do it full time. Don't you miss the rest of the world? What's that to miss? -What's that to miss? Ha... if you've never lived in a city with museums, theater, music, restaurants, uh... god, a million things, then it's something I can't explain. -Ha... if you've never lived in a city with museums, theater, music, restaurants, uh... god, a million things, then it's something I can't explain. Does Chicago count? -Does Chicago count? You lived in Chicago? -You lived in Chicago? When I was first married. -When I was first married. You were married to a woman in Chicago? -I once heard Itzhak Perlman guest star with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. He played Rachmaninov's Vocalize Opus 34. No. 14. It was one of the most beautiful pieces of music I ever heard. I actually forgot where I was for a time. You seem surprised? Well, I, uh... you didn't... -Well, I, uh... you didn't... Just who's been laughing at who here? -I've decided it's impossible to properly say hello in this place without a hat. A jogger, huh? -A jogger, huh? I don't jog, Mr. Booker. I run. -I don't jog, Mr. Booker. I run. Lucky for you. The grizzlies around here only go for joggers. -Lucky for you. The grizzlies around here only go for joggers. If I can survive rush hour, I figure I can handle grizzlies... -If I can survive rush hour, I figure I can handle grizzlies... You sleeping all right in that house? -You sleeping all right in that house? I don't sleep all right anywhere. But the house is fine. -I found this old cello case filled with bills and receipts. Sorry about that. I thought everything got cleared out. R.B. is my wife... ex-wife... Rachel. We used to live in that house together. -Sorry about that. I thought everything got cleared out. R.B. is my wife... ex-wife... Rachel. We used to live in that house together. I thought you lived in Chicago? -I thought you lived in Chicago? I thought you were an editor, not a reporter? -I have a way with animals. It's all right. He's young. Just hold out your hand a little lower so he can get the smell of you. -It's all right. He's young. Just hold out your hand a little lower so he can get the smell of you. Oh yes. I forgot. -He's beautiful. Why don't you ride anymore? Grace told me you used to ride when she was younger. -Why don't you ride anymore? Grace told me you used to ride when she was younger. She did? -Are you shy, Mr. Booker? Just polite. Well, maybe you'd like to try riding again, some time before you go home. -Enjoy the day. You too. -Shit. Need a lift? -Need a lift? I can handle it! -The answer's no. You haven't heard the question yet. Truth is, you'd be doing me a favor. I got all these eager young colts need riding and poor old Rimrock here is feeling kind of left out... -You haven't heard the question yet. Truth is, you'd be doing me a favor. I got all these eager young colts need riding and poor old Rimrock here is feeling kind of left out... Poor thing. -Poor thing. He'd be grateful, he'd take real good care with you. -He'd be grateful, he'd take real good care with you. Is this how you're going to make me pay my phone bill? -Is this how you're going to make me pay my phone bill? No, ma'am, I'm afraid that's extra. -Relax our center... It's just sitting in a bucket. Yeah, it's been a while, but I... I remember the basic ideas... -Yeah, it's been a while, but I... I remember the basic ideas... OK. I'll stop talking then. -Actually, I never rode Western. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Well, he don't know that. Just sit the horse. Good... You have a nice seat. -Well, he don't know that. Just sit the horse. Good... You have a nice seat. Thanks. -Thanks. Feel good? -Feel good? Yeah. -Yeah. You look all right. You want to pick it up a little? -You look all right. You want to pick it up a little? OK. -How long did you live here with your wife? Five years. My son was born here. -Five years. My son was born here. Son? -Son? Yeah. I haven't seen him in a while. He used to come to the ranch over summers, but then he started having friends and was going off to college, so... Good boy. Hal. Lives in New York near his mom. -Yeah. I haven't seen him in a while. He used to come to the ranch over summers, but then he started having friends and was going off to college, so... Good boy. Hal. Lives in New York near his mom. How did you meet her? -How did you meet her? College. In Illinois. She was playing the cello. I hadn't heard cello music growing up. She had the reddest hair, the bluest eyes. When she played, it was... -Why didn't it work out? She was never really happy here. She did the best she could. -Grace told me you have a country house in Connecticut. Sounds like a beautiful place. It is. It's lovely. -It is. It's lovely. Ever think of moving there full time? -Ever think of moving there full time? We did at one point. When we thought we'd have more children. And we after tried. We tried everything, but... wasn't meant to be. -I hear that! See, I knew she was never going to be a ranchest, but I wanted to try -- I thought maybe she'd give music lessons to the kids in town or at the school, maybe even recitals. My son would grow up here. Maybe have one or two more. I'd teach 'em what I could. They'd play with my brother's kids. All grow up together. And even if they all decided to go out into the world, they'd always know where home was -- cause we'd keep it for 'em... That's very important to you, isn't it? Home. -That's very important to you, isn't it? Home. Yeah, I think it is. And I don't mean everybody's got to be married, have kids -- It's more like, knowing where you're from, where you belong, what feeds you, where you can go no matter what happens... Knowing what you're supposed to be doing while you're here. -Yeah, I think it is. And I don't mean everybody's got to be married, have kids -- It's more like, knowing where you're from, where you belong, what feeds you, where you can go no matter what happens... Knowing what you're supposed to be doing while you're here. How did you find out all that? -Everything under control? Not really. I'd forgotten how long it's been since I've done this. And I couldn't get any Parmesan cheese. -Not really. I'd forgotten how long it's been since I've done this. And I couldn't get any Parmesan cheese. Just make yourself comfortable. -Just make yourself comfortable. I am comfortable. -I am comfortable. Ha, ha... all right, well, uh I guess you can bring out the pasta. -You missed a button. Huh? -This is Mr. Booker, Robert. Tom. -Now, listen. I want you to stand on him. What?! -I won't apologize for this. And I won't hide it. Not for anybody. I won't ask you to. -Oh, God, what are we going to do? I'm supposed to -- Ssshhh... Stand still, Annie. Takes what we've got, just for now. Can you do that? -Show me again. Annie! -Annie! One more time. -Summers are short here, Annie. There isn't much of a fall. Before you know it, the roads are closed... the nights get long. I don't care! We'd be together. -I don't care! We'd be together. Two people can't just be alone together in the world. At least not us... -Two people can't just be alone together in the world. At least not us... I can't do this. I can't leave you... -I figured, whenever you decided to go, you'd be all set. How thoughtful of you. And what if I decide not to go? -I don't know any other way, Annie. Why? -Then what have we been doing? I mean what was the point? The point was to love each other. -The point was to love each other. Why? -Liz is taking care of him. The doctor said the sooner you start therapy the better the chances are you can -- I can't even get out of bed yet! You're already putting me in therapy!! -Why don't you go lie down? I don't want to lie down. I've been lying down enough. -Dad'll pick you up today, all right? Okay. -Oh, honey... What happened? Doesn't matter. I... I don't want to come back, that's all. -Doesn't matter. I... I don't want to come back, that's all. Oh. Well, what are you going to do? You have to go to school, honey. I mean, what -- -Oh. Well, what are you going to do? You have to go to school, honey. I mean, what -- I'm not coming back! That's it! I want to go home! -I'm not coming back! That's it! I want to go home! Grace, listen to me. Your body is just healing. You have to give the rest of you time as well... -Grace, listen to me. Your body is just healing. You have to give the rest of you time as well... Is that your version of a pep talk? -Is that your version of a pep talk? You are not staying home all day feeling sorry for yourself. You're going to get up and you're going to figure this out. -You are not staying home all day feeling sorry for yourself. You're going to get up and you're going to figure this out. Fine! -Fine! It's still early. What's your next class? -I can't find that charm Daddy gave me from India. I brought it to you in the hospital. -I brought it to you in the hospital. No, you didn't. -No, you didn't. Grace, I put it on the table near your -- -Grace, I put it on the table near your -- Doesn't matter. -Have you decided about Pilgrim? What about him? -What about him? Well... how you feel all right about telling Liz to put him down... -Well... how you feel all right about telling Liz to put him down... I think we should. It's not fair to let him suffer. He's not much use anymore. He'd hate living like that. -I think we should. It's not fair to let him suffer. He's not much use anymore. He'd hate living like that. I think that's... very compassionate and... mature way of looking at it. -I think that's... very compassionate and... mature way of looking at it. Mom? -Mom? Yeah? -Yeah? Maybe they should put me down too. -Maybe they should put me down too. What? -What? I mean, I'm not much use anymore. Why can't they be compassionate to me? -You want to take your bath? We have to get up early tomorrow. You may not have enough time to -- Fine -- I'll take my bath. -No, I don't mean you have to. It's just that we may not have enough -- -- enough time tomorrow. I know. --- enough time tomorrow. I know. Look, if you want to take it in the morning, that's fine. -Look, if you want to take it in the morning, that's fine. I don't care. -IT'S ALMOST LUNCHTIME. ARE YOU HUNGRY!? Whatever you want. -Whatever you want. Fine! -Fine! Fine. -You should call your dad before it gets too late. I already did. This morning. When you went running. -I already did. This morning. When you went running. Oh. You didn't tell me. -Oh. You didn't tell me. I didn't know I had to. -I didn't know I had to. You don't. -Would you like to see that? I don't care. -I don't care. I don't care. -This'll be nice. We haven't seen any of the sights yet. It's history. When I was thirteen I used to love seeing things like this. You were never thirteen, Mom. -How long is this going to go on? What? -What? You know what I mean? Is this it now? Is this the way we're going to be from now on? -Do you want us to turn around and go back home? Do you? What are you asking me for? You didn't ask me if I wanted to come in the first place -- now I get to decide? Forget it! -Who do you think I'm doing this for? I'm doing this for you! Bullshit! It's about you! About you deciding! About you always being right! You always getting everything your way, controlling everybody -- like we work for you or something! -Bullshit! It's about you! About you deciding! About you always being right! You always getting everything your way, controlling everybody -- like we work for you or something! I don't believe this! -I don't believe this! You just want to get away from Daddy and you're using me to do it! -You just want to get away from Daddy and you're using me to do it! That's not true! Whatever problems your father and I are having, have nothing to do with this. -That's not true! Whatever problems your father and I are having, have nothing to do with this. You're amazing! You act like I don't live in that house! Don't you think I hear the two of you!? Don't you think I can tell what's going on? I'm not five years old, Mom! You want to divorce Daddy and Daddy doesn't want to. -You're amazing! You act like I don't live in that house! Don't you think I hear the two of you!? Don't you think I can tell what's going on? I'm not five years old, Mom! You want to divorce Daddy and Daddy doesn't want to. Did he tell you that? -Did he tell you that? He doesn't have to! It's, like, so obvious you can't stand him. -He doesn't have to! It's, like, so obvious you can't stand him. That's not true! -That's not true! Then why do you want to leave? -Then why do you want to leave? It's... it's not that simple to explain. I know you think it is, but it's not. The truth is, I don't really know what I want to do. I don't have all the answers. -It's... it's not that simple to explain. I know you think it is, but it's not. The truth is, I don't really know what I want to do. I don't have all the answers. No, you just act like you do. -You buckled up? You cold? Little. -Gee, this looks like a fun place. Don't they believe in signs here? -Don't they believe in signs here? "What would they say? ""Ten miles to big rock."" ""Twenty miles to bigger rock.""" -"What would they say? ""Ten miles to big rock."" ""Twenty miles to bigger rock.""" There was supposed to be a turn off. Did I miss it? -There was supposed to be a turn off. Did I miss it? I didn't see it. -He's still sitting in that damn field. I think they call it a pasture. -We'll have more room because we're moving onto the ranch. They have this empty house near this creek. It's actually pretty... OK... I love you. Dad wants to talk to you. Hi. -Did you ask him to come visit? You already did. -You already did. Did he mention it? -Did he mention it? Yeah, he's going to think about it. You want me to pack for you? -You got everything you need? If I had everything I need, I wouldn't be going to physical therapy. -Honey, come on. Would you like to stay in town for dinner? Maybe see what movie's playing tonight? Why? There's no food in the house? -Why? There's no food in the house? No. I just thought... forget it. -I'll come. Uh, I don't, honey. Branding? Oooh... I think we'd just be in Mr. Booker's way. -I thought there were too many forks on the table. Well, one was for salad... -Well, one was for salad... Mom, they don't mind eating with one fork. -Mom, they don't mind eating with one fork. You're right. Good. -Does anybody out there want something to drink? I'll take care of it. -I'll take care of it. Thanks, honey. -Nothing. Did you go riding? -Grace? Is everything all right? Can we talk? About what? -About what? Well... So you tried riding again? -Well... So you tried riding again? Yeah. Does that mean I'm cured?! -Yeah. Does that mean I'm cured?! Honey, nobody's trying to cure you -- -Honey, nobody's trying to cure you -- ... You worried everything all right now and we'll have to go home? -... You worried everything all right now and we'll have to go home? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? You... not wanting to go home because you hate daddy so much. -You... not wanting to go home because you hate daddy so much. Grace, I don't hate your father. -Grace, I don't hate your father. I can't remember the last time you made him dinner. -I can't remember the last time you made him dinner. I was just trying to say thank you to Diane and Frank and -- -I was just trying to say thank you to Diane and Frank and -- Tom? -Look, I just wanted to say, I think it's great you're riding again. And... and I think I know why you, you needed to do it alone... without anyone knowing... Yeah, you know everything!! -Yeah, you know everything!! STOP IT! Why can't I talk to you!! -STOP IT! Why can't I talk to you!! NO, YOU STOP IT! Stop pretending like you care! Like this really isn't about you and Tom. -NO, YOU STOP IT! Stop pretending like you care! Like this really isn't about you and Tom. WHAT?! How can you -- I'm sorry if my friendship with Tom bothers you so much, but I happen to value having someone to talk to, especially when my own daughter ignores me night and day because no matter what I say, it's wrong and no matter what I do, it's wrong... I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you. -WHAT?! How can you -- I'm sorry if my friendship with Tom bothers you so much, but I happen to value having someone to talk to, especially when my own daughter ignores me night and day because no matter what I say, it's wrong and no matter what I do, it's wrong... I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you. Well, now you know what it feels like. -I don't deserve that. I have never looked at you as a disappointment. If I'm on your back to do better, if I push you to try harder it's because I want you to be the best you can be. FOR YOU! Because I'm your daughter which means you're the best mother! Isn't that what you're always talking about in interviews -- having it all, the great career, the great family... Proving everybody wrong. Wanting everybody to think you're this perfect woman! -Listen, if... if there's a part of you as parent that... that takes pride in your child -- that, you can look at them and see something you've accomplished as well... if that's wrong, then I'm sorry. But it wasn't my intention. I don't push for me. I do it for you... So you don't waste half your life feeling like you don't know where you belong. Yeah, well, you've done a great job. -Well, then I do apologize... But what I'm most sorry for is turning you into a spoiled brat who can only think about what she's feeling... who can't admit when she's wrong and who can't forgive when she's not. LEAVE ME ALONE!! -What did you say? I said... I started. -Started what? My period. -My period. When? Tonight? -When? Tonight? I felt it happen downstairs and when I went into the bathroom. -Who's going to want me now? What?... Oh baby... -What?... Oh baby... Who's ever going to want me? Nobody will. -Who's ever going to want me? Nobody will. That's not true. -That's not true. Why should they? -Why should they? Because you are... one of the most... incredible, bravest, most beautiful woman I have ever met. The efforts you make. Your courage and your dignity. I don't know where you got it? I honestly don't know how I would have handled all this if I were you. -I'm sorry... about what I said. It's just that -- all those times you and Daddy were trying for another kid, I... I used to pray at night that it would work. And not because of you guys or that I wanted a brother or sister... but... just so I wouldn't have to be... What? -What? So special. Because I was the only one. You both wanted me to be so good at everything, so perfect and I wasn't. I was just me. And now I've completely ruined everything, anyway... -Who is it? Uh, nothing. I'm going to pick it up in the other room -- would you hang this up for me? -Uh, nothing. I'm going to pick it up in the other room -- would you hang this up for me? Sure. -Let's bring your bags inside. Wait till you see this -- we have the whole house to ourselves... -What's the matter, honey? Gonna miss Pilgrim? Tom's gone. -Smokey told me he left last night to look at some horses in Sheriden. He won't be back for three days. I can't believe he didn't want to say goodbye. Well... honey... you know... that's just not his way. Maybe you can write him a letter or something. Say thank you... Don't think about it... You take care and I'll see you home. -Oh, I miss you. You look beautiful. So do you. -So do you. How's everything? -How's everything? Good. -Good. Hi. -Great! Go ahead... -David? Who's there? -Who's there? Everyone. Working overtime. Just for you. -Everyone. Working overtime. Just for you. Did you speak to Farlow? -Did you speak to Farlow? Yes. We're suing. -Yes. We're suing. Is that absolutely necessary? It'll just make it a bigger story. -Is that absolutely necessary? It'll just make it a bigger story. David, he signed an agreement that he wouldn't talk to the press and he's libeled me by saying I faked the figures. You're not going soft on me, are you? -Well, I suppose we could use another good public feud... Exactly... -Oh, come on! This is such bullshit! The work is getting done, David. Lucky keeps me on top of everything. Lucy isn't you. We're losing something without you being here. Now, I know this is a rough time for you, but I think we should make another arrangement. -What the hell does that mean? How much more do I have to do to prove how important this magazine is to me? If this magazine is so important to you Annie, why are you in Montana? -Uh, yes... Sure, David. All right. Speak to you then. -It's me. Hi. -Hi. Hi. -So, what, uh, what train are you taking? I should be in by two. -I should be in by two. Okay. You want me to pick you up? -Okay. You want me to pick you up? Sure... What's Grace up to? -Sure... What's Grace up to? Riding with Judith. -I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have brought it up over the phone. That's okay. We have to talk about it and we're not always in the same place ... so... I just have to get used to it. What do you want to do about dinner? -That's okay. We have to talk about it and we're not always in the same place ... so... I just have to get used to it. What do you want to do about dinner? I don't know. We'll figure it out. -Okay. We'll see you later then. Yeah. Bye. -What about Grace? She was in pretty bad shape. They've done a C.A.T. Scan -- she has some hemorrhaging... -That bag's almost empty. No, it's got a little left. They'll be in to change it. -No, it's got a little left. They'll be in to change it. Robert, you leave it up these people...! -I'm sorry. Tch. What are you -- -What did he say? Nothing new. He's just going off duty. -I should go get some of her things. No, let me go. -No, let me go. No, I'll go. You stay... In case she wakes up. -I saw Judith's parents while you were at the apartment... I wanted to say something... But I... I was so relieved that Grace was still... that it wasn't our daughter. We're very lucky. -We're very lucky. The funeral's on Friday. -Oh, uh, I meant to tell you... Alex brought that fabric over... Okay. -Okay. It's on the table by the phone. I didn't know what to tell him... ... Whether or not we were... ... if we still we're thinking of redoing the couch. -... And uh... Mario called about moving the wisteria? Oh. Right. I'll call him. -"""... FRESH, WIND IN HER HAIR... LIFE WITHOUT CARE... SHE'S BROKE... BUT IT'S 'OK'..." Sing it to me, Frankie! -Sing it to me, Frankie! How's my pregnant chick! -You can hardly get your arms around me. How depressing. You're so early. I had to excuse myself from a meeting. It's ridiculous. I kept thinking about the baby... you... and, I swear, I was going to start bawling right into my briefs. -I had to excuse myself from a meeting. It's ridiculous. I kept thinking about the baby... you... and, I swear, I was going to start bawling right into my briefs. Aw... that's so sweet. -Aw... that's so sweet. I love you. -I love you. Do you? Do you really? -You've got to stop doing that? Doing what? -Doing what? Helping all the time! Running to her every time she trips or falls... Anticipating her all the time. -How was the dinner? "All our ""favorite"" people were there saying all their ""favorite"" things about their ""favorite"" subjects. I thought to myself, we've been friends with these people almost twenty years and nobody knows anybody. We're so afraid we won't like each other and have nobody go to dinners with." -"All our ""favorite"" people were there saying all their ""favorite"" things about their ""favorite"" subjects. I thought to myself, we've been friends with these people almost twenty years and nobody knows anybody. We're so afraid we won't like each other and have nobody go to dinners with." Why did you go? -Why did you go? They're still our friends, Annie. It's nothing serious. You kid about them all the time... And I could tell Paul really appreciated me being there. -Did you get a hold of that horse guy? Yeah. -Yeah. What did he say? -What did he say? No. -What was I saying? About us going someplace warm... Someplace Grace'll have to wear shorts or bathing suits or summer dresses... -I don't understand. You just said he said no. He did, but... I think I can change his mind. -He did, but... I think I can change his mind. That's the craziest thing I ever heard. Absolutely not. -That's the craziest thing I ever heard. Absolutely not. Robert, Grace isn't adjusting to school. And she can't sit in this apartment all day... I think it would be good for her. -Robert, Grace isn't adjusting to school. And she can't sit in this apartment all day... I think it would be good for her. NO! What are you -- you're serious about this? -NO! What are you -- you're serious about this? I've called Liz. They can set me up with a trailer for Pilgrim. I thought we'd stay at motels along the way... -I've called Liz. They can set me up with a trailer for Pilgrim. I thought we'd stay at motels along the way... You've already made arrangements!? -You've already made arrangements!? No. I was just researching. Calm down. -No. I was just researching. Calm down. I come home and you tell me we're going to drive a psychotic horse to Montana! I can't just pick up and leave... -I come home and you tell me we're going to drive a psychotic horse to Montana! I can't just pick up and leave... I'm not asking you to. I'll do it. -I'm not asking you to. I'll do it. You want to do this by yourself? How? You can't take care of Pilgrim all the -- -You want to do this by yourself? How? You can't take care of Pilgrim all the -- He'll be sedated. I know horses, Robert. I'm the one who taught Grace how to ride. -He'll be sedated. I know horses, Robert. I'm the one who taught Grace how to ride. What... Bo-... What about the magazine? -What... Bo-... What about the magazine? I'm in charge. I went back very soon after the accident. They didn't expect me for a couple of months. I'll just take that time now... I can still oversee things from Montana... Take my fax... My computer... -No. It's, uh... No, I really don't think it's a good idea Why?! -Why?! Her psychiatrist... said... she needs security now... stability... -Her psychiatrist... said... she needs security now... stability... I can't say he's been all that effective with her. -I can't say he's been all that effective with her. Are you a psychiatrist? He said it takes time. -Are you a psychiatrist? He said it takes time. I don't care what he says! We have to do something, Robert! I can't sit here and trust everything's going to work out just by pretending it will. -I don't care what he says! We have to do something, Robert! I can't sit here and trust everything's going to work out just by pretending it will. I'm not pretending anything! -I really wish I could understand why you think this is so necessary. Robert, we're losing her. We're losing her. I don't care what the doctors say. The truth is, they don't know anymore than we do -- less, when it comes to Grace... This may not sound sensible or... logical, but nobody's suggesting anything better. I can't explain it, Robert. I just have this feeling... this annoying... bloody feeling that if... if, somehow, Pilgrim can be made all right... then so can Grace. I just know it! -What if she doesn't want to go? She will if you think she should. -She will if you think she should. And you think it's best if I don't come. -And you think it's best if I don't come. No, that's not what I said. I'm not a dictator. If you feel you should come, then come. Just do whatever you think is right. -Yeah. She seems to be getting more comfortable on the ranch, which is why I said yes to this move. But, whenever it's just the two of us, I don't know... Anyway... what's happening with the Delco lawsuit? Taking forever. I just got an additional list of sixty-two employees to interview before Monday. I don't know how I'm going to do it. -Taking forever. I just got an additional list of sixty-two employees to interview before Monday. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Well, it's good that you're there. -So, how are you doing in Marlboro country? Is the magazine complaining at all? Yeah, but nothing I can't handle. Lucy tells me she thinks Gottchalks's plotting, but what else is new. -Yeah, but nothing I can't handle. Lucy tells me she thinks Gottchalks's plotting, but what else is new. When are you coming home? -When are you coming home? You know, I just asked that myself tonight. He doesn't know. -You know, I just asked that myself tonight. He doesn't know. Well then... maybe I will take some time... come visit. -Well then... maybe I will take some time... come visit. Okay. -I miss you, Annie. I know. We miss you too. -I know. We miss you too. Good night. -Good night. Night. -I thought you guys were going to call me. Oh, Robert, I'm sorry. We were so tired from the branding. Grace barely made it to her bed and I didn't have the energy to take my clothes off. -Oh, Robert, I'm sorry. We were so tired from the branding. Grace barely made it to her bed and I didn't have the energy to take my clothes off. Oh well... branding will do that to you. -Oh well... branding will do that to you. Everything all right. -Everything all right. Huh-huh. You? -Huh-huh. You? Fine. Actually, today was a good day. You should have seen her. -Fine. Actually, today was a good day. You should have seen her. I wish I did. -Well, uh the real reason I called, actually, was to tell you I saw Lucy at Jo-Jo's tonight and she seems very worried. About what? -About what? Apparently, Gottschalk's been seen around town lunching with some very prominent magazine editors. Lucy said she tried to call you, but no one answered so she faxed you the list of names. She said one of them have contracts up fairly soon. -Apparently, Gottschalk's been seen around town lunching with some very prominent magazine editors. Lucy said she tried to call you, but no one answered so she faxed you the list of names. She said one of them have contracts up fairly soon. Oh. I didn't look at my faxes today. We left before sunrise. -Oh. I didn't look at my faxes today. We left before sunrise. Honey, I hope you're not endangering your position. Listen, if you need to come back and you want me to come take over, for a while, I'll work it out. I mean, the firm's got other lawyers, but the magazine's got only one of you. -Small bed. Maybe I should sleep in the barn. You're allergic to hay. -You're allergic to hay. I apologize for the surprise, but the days only opened yesterday and I figured... -I apologize for the surprise, but the days only opened yesterday and I figured... You don't have to explain. You have every right to come. -You don't have to explain. You have every right to come. I can see why you put your faith in him. He's a genuine... good guy... Good at what he does. That's rare. -You were right about coming here. I'm sorry for not thinking... No, it's okay. Believe me, there were plenty of times I didn't know what the hell was right. -No, it's okay. Believe me, there were plenty of times I didn't know what the hell was right. How are you feeling about work? -How are you feeling about work? Let's not talk about that now. -Are you going to stay in the city or go up to Connecticut? Connecticut. I told the office I'd work out of there next week. When are you planning to start back? -Connecticut. I told the office I'd work out of there next week. When are you planning to start back? Probably first thing in the morning. It's too late to start now. I'm going to try not to do too much driving in the dark. -Probably first thing in the morning. It's too late to start now. I'm going to try not to do too much driving in the dark. May I have a suggestion? -May I have a suggestion? Yeah, what? -Yeah, what? Take your time. -Take your time. What do you mean? -I'll tell you something, Annie -- I stood there looking at what was happening to that horse... And, I swear, it felt like the same thing was happening to me. I don't understa- -I don't understa- And I have two choices. I can either fight the way things are, or accept them. See, I always knew I loved you more. Didn't bother me. I always felt lucky... a little amazed... that such a vibrant, beautiful woman would want to be with a man like me... And I guess I thought as long as I did everything right -- if I was the best husband I could be, the best father... even being a good lawyer only mattered to me because of what it meant for us... if I could do all that, it wouldn't make any difference if we loved each other the same or not... I wasn't asking for more. I told myself I didn't need more. But you don't know how you feel about me. You don't know... if you want a life with me anymore... And I don't want you to come home until you do know... ... one way or the other. -Yes? "Hi. Um, there doesn't seem to be any hotel room available and someone told me to come here and ask for ""Tubab"" who might to have a place for me to stay. Are you ""Tubab""?" -"Hi. Um, there doesn't seem to be any hotel room available and someone told me to come here and ask for ""Tubab"" who might to have a place for me to stay. Are you ""Tubab""?" "No. I am a ""tubab.""" -"No. I am a ""tubab.""" What do you mean? -What do you mean? Tubab means white man. -Was the trip okay? Mmm. I made good time. Pilgrim's in the back. I found a new stable, but they can't take him until tomorrow. -I have so much to tell you. You want to take a walk with me? -You want to take a walk with me? Where to? -Where to? I don't know. Let's just go and... we'll see... -You know, that's interesting. I always wondered when I went into a restaurant what was the difference between a regular steak or a Black Angus steak. I couldn't taste any difference although I could swear one was more tender. I didn't know there was that big a difference between cows... I've never been on a cow farm before. I must say, the bulls seem to have the best time of it. Just laying around the fields all day until they're asked to... do their... work. Well, get born a bull, got a ninety percent chance of getting castrated and served up as hamburger. On a balance I reckon I'd choose being a cow. Would you mind passing that salad young lady? -Nobody's using it. Silly for her to be driving back and forth when she don't know her way around that well... Oh, I don't know... -Oh, I don't know... Well, I know Peterson's. Old place is as good as falling down around your ears. -Well, did you ever think about hiring a business manager? We have a business manager. The best around. -I'll have another round of that spaghetti if may? Absolutely. I made enough for an army. -It's so cruel. No. He had the choice. -No. He had the choice. What choice!!? -What choice!!? Either fight the way things are or accept it. -There's coffee inside... I was just bringing this to Tom. Would you mind if I did? I'd like to talk to him. -Sure. Does your daughter want to come inside? Uh, no, we're going to dinner... Is this the way to the pasture? -Uh, no, we're going to dinner... Is this the way to the pasture? Pasture? Oh, that stretch of field near the hill? Yeah. -Mrs. MacLean -- why don't you and daughter stay for dinner? Oh uh, thank you. No, we don't want to impose. -Oh uh, thank you. No, we don't want to impose. No imposition. Plenty of food. Gonna get pretty dark soon. Hard to find a place. -How's Peterson's holding up for you? It's fine. Comfortable. I still can't get used to how dark it gets around here, though. When we leave the ranch, I always hold my breath until I can see the motel. -Where does this go, Diane? Oh, you can just set up on the dining table. I have to rearrange my shelves tomorrow. -Mm-mm. I never knew him. He died before Frank and I met. This here's... Frank and Tom's mother and father... there's little Frank and Tom... She calls him Tommy... -She calls him Tommy... Always did. I think she favored him a little. You tend to when you have more than one, even though you love 'em all the same. -Ha, she loves telling this story about how when he was two years old, he ran off. They found him in the barn, sleeping between two giant hooves of a Percheron stallion. She said that horse was protecting him and nobody could convince her otherwise. I got a little confused though. The ranch Ellen was talking about -- that's not this one? -Thank you. You're all doing too much. Oh, it's... I wanted to tell you that, if you'd like, you being so busy, I could take Grace to her therapy exercises for you. I have to go in once a week for shopping anyway. -I'll help you with the coffee. Well... I know I should reject that offer, but I'm not going to. -Well... I know I should reject that offer, but I'm not going to. No reason you should, no reason you should. -I was looking in one of your magazines and saw that picture of the couple getting married at the Pyramids. Were you ever in Egypt? I was there for that shot, actually. -I was there for that shot, actually. What was it like? -What was it like? Oh, God -- I think it was the fourth or fifth time I'd been there, so all I remember was the heat and how incompetent the photographer was... -But, uh, Egypt is, well, it's like nothing else. It's like going back in time. I remember as a kid trying to imagine what a kid my age, centuries ago, walking over that same ground, was wondering about or, if they had the same problems as me... and I felt, connected to... to time itself, almost. Ha, I never realized how hard it was to describe. I'd love to go there one time... -I'd love to go there one time... You and Frank ever take a vacation? -You and Frank ever take a vacation? Soon. We're going to Branson, Missouri to see my cousin Emma married. Frank loves in there. -Must be nice for you to take a few days off from your work, huh? Well, I have more than a few days, ha, ha... I uh... I'm sort of... not an editor anymore... right now... First time I've said it out loud. -Well, I have more than a few days, ha, ha... I uh... I'm sort of... not an editor anymore... right now... First time I've said it out loud. They fired you? -They fired you? No, it's more like a leave of- Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, they fired me. -No, it's more like a leave of- Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, they fired me. You don't seem to upset? -You don't seem to upset? Delayed shock. Or maybe not. I know I could talk my way back if I wanted or... go to another magazine, someplace... Just not sure if I want to. -Delayed shock. Or maybe not. I know I could talk my way back if I wanted or... go to another magazine, someplace... Just not sure if I want to. Guess you don't have to figure it out until you go home. -Did you always know this was the life you wanted? I fell in love. After that, I never thought about being anything but a rancher's wife. I never saw it like I was losing some other life, just felt like I was gaining one. I know that's not a popular opinion nowadays and I ain't saying it's the right one. We all have to find the life meant for us. -I fell in love. After that, I never thought about being anything but a rancher's wife. I never saw it like I was losing some other life, just felt like I was gaining one. I know that's not a popular opinion nowadays and I ain't saying it's the right one. We all have to find the life meant for us. Frank's a good man. -Frank's a good man. They don't come better. But I don't deny there are times I wonder about things I won't have. Maybe one day I'll get to see Egypt. Maybe not. But I know if you try too many different lives, you can wind up with no life at all... -They don't come better. But I don't deny there are times I wonder about things I won't have. Maybe one day I'll get to see Egypt. Maybe not. But I know if you try too many different lives, you can wind up with no life at all... Sounds like something Tom would say. -Sounds like something Tom would say. Yes, it does. -What? Annie, I'm not good at this kind of talk -- goes round and round a thing but never comes to it -- so let's just say what it is. When you first came here, I didn't like you and I was worried. Tom means a lot to me and this family. Don't go looking here for whatever you looking for. Don't make that man go through something it took him a long time to see his way clear out of the first time. -Annie, I'm not good at this kind of talk -- goes round and round a thing but never comes to it -- so let's just say what it is. When you first came here, I didn't like you and I was worried. Tom means a lot to me and this family. Don't go looking here for whatever you looking for. Don't make that man go through something it took him a long time to see his way clear out of the first time. I don't think anybody can make Tom do anything he didn't want. -I don't think anybody can make Tom do anything he didn't want. He's a good man, Tom is. He's got a gift, come from heaven above, I swear. But he's still a man. And a woman can lead a man into the middle of a mountain lake -- and still make him think he's on dry land. -Is there anything you need? I'm going food-shopping. Well, I am going to go after lunch. -Well, I am going to go after lunch. No, no, I'll go -- just give me a list. -I think I'm going to have my hands full with the son of mine when you leave. Just might be his first broken heart. Oh, how sweet. -Now, are you sure you want to drive that horse back yourself? There are plenty of people 'round here who do that sort of thing. I already know the way... and it's not like I have a job I have to rush home for. Between you and me, I could use the time alone. -It's just one night. If I get uncomfortable, I'll go over to Hanks. Promise? -Promise? Promise. -Good luck to you, Annie. You too, Diane. -Annie, it's Liz. How's Grace? Her leg was shattered so they had to, uh... remove it. She had some bleeding but it's under control. -Her leg was shattered so they had to, uh... remove it. She had some bleeding but it's under control. Oh God, Annie, I'm so sorry. I... I know you're being hit with a low now, I don't want to take too much of your time but I have to talk to you about Pilgrim. -Wait, uh, I, I don't understand. Start again -- He's alive... Yes, but he's in a tremendous pain... -Yes, but he's in a tremendous pain... Well, of course, right... -Liz, listen, the Doctor's here and I just can't, uh... talk now... so -- I understand, but Annie, please... -I understand, but Annie, please... - See, what you can do for him --... -- See, what you can do for him --... Annie, no matter what I do, this horse will never be the same. -Annie, no matter what I do, this horse will never be the same. ... I just don't know right now! Do whatever you can and when Grace is -- -... I just don't know right now! Do whatever you can and when Grace is -- It isn't right to make him suffer... -It isn't right to make him suffer... And I can say the same thing about my daughter! But she is suffering! Can you solve that problem! I can't deal with this now, Liz! If you need a yes or no right now, then no -- don't do it! Not until I know Grace is all right. Now, please! Just do what you can. Okay? Please. -Maybe we should give him another sedative. Problem is, there aren't many volunteers. He's already had enough to sink a battleship. You have a pin, just in case? -Problem is, there aren't many volunteers. He's already had enough to sink a battleship. You have a pin, just in case? Of course not. -Of course not. Probably best. You may want to shoot yourself half way to Ohio. -... well, I just think she's got a lot of nerve showing up here. Draggin' that child and that poor animal all the way... You eat with those fingers again and you know what'll happen! Frank, don't you think she's got a nerve? Oh hell, I don't know... According to Tom, she's a pretty determined woman. Must've thought it was worth it. -Oh hell, I don't know... According to Tom, she's a pretty determined woman. Must've thought it was worth it. I guess they'll want feeding and all, out here all day long. -Mixed salad. What? -What? I believe women from New York eat mixed salads. Ain't that right, Tom? -They're already all settled in, Frank. Anyway, I'm sure Annie wants her privacy. It's got doors, Diane. Private as can be. Tom? -Play that sweet one you know. The one makes my wife here so friendly. You! -Oh Frank, don't forget the wedding present -- it's behind the door in the laundry room. I got her a pasta maker from the catalogue... Not that they'll know what to do with it in Branton, Missouri... Probably use it as a planter. Diane! -Diane! Frank's touchy about his cousins. Well, it was nice to meet you, Mr. MacLean. -I don't believe they'll expect that. What, they ain't going forty miles into Choteau everytime they want a hamburger. -I believe so. Saw it on a television show, once. Well, that's just what we need on a cattle ranch -- a vegetarian from New York. -Ha... Diane takes care of the books. I don't know how, but at the end of every month, everything adds up to the penny. -Diane takes care of the books. I don't know how, but at the end of every month, everything adds up to the penny. Ain't brain surgery. -I have some brownies left over. Want one? No thanks. -Can we take a look at Bronty's foal when we're done here, Dad? Sure. As long as she don't mind. -Sure. As long as she don't mind. There's a kid at school says we should've imprint-trained him. -He says if you do it soon as they're born, it makes them real easy to handle later on. That's what some folks say. -That's what some folks say. There was this thing on the TV about a guy who does it with geese. He has this airplane and these baby geese all grow up thinking it's their mom, and he flies it and they just follow. You hear 'bout that, Uncle T? -When you figure on branding? Weekend after next... -Teacher asked me why we raise Black Angus-Herefords 'stead of Pure Herefords. Tell her they suit the weather better. Their udders are black, 'stead of pink. -Now son, you tell 'em when it came from. Be honest, I can't say I did it all myself. My grandma helped me get the words right. -I don't believe it. You know her? -Tom? Yeah. -Bank out us a couple more men to run the cattle. We should be fine, then. -They don't get burned by the sun bouncing off the snow. And they're good mother. Our daddy raised Pure Herefords. -Well, I'd like to welcome Annie and Grace to their first branding... And next time, Miss Annie, you can run down the calves... -It'd be a whole lot easier to pay the feed end of the month... I don't think Warren would go for that. -We thought we lost him in the snow storm... Told the kids. Had a funeral for the damn thing. Finally, snow stops. Staring to warm up. I go out and start cleaning the truck... Goddamn if that dog doesn't jump out from the back seat covered in snow... I nearly stained myself. He thought it was a ghost. -Don't you go to school? Twice a month they give you a day off to work on the ranch. -Why do you always wear that hat? Because it fits my head. You want to try it on? -Would you let me ride your horse? Have you talked to Tom about it? -Have you talked to Tom about it? Of course I have. -Of course I have. I don't know... You sure Tom said it's all right? -You wouldn't want to dance with me, would you? I don't thinks you'd want me tripping all over you in front of everybody. -I don't thinks you'd want me tripping all over you in front of everybody. I wouldn't let happen. -I wouldn't let happen. You know, you're a good kid. -Yeah? Uh, I'm Tom Booker. Your mother around? -She gonna be long? Probably. She's on the phone twenty- three hours a day. -Probably. She's on the phone twenty- three hours a day. What does she do? -What does she do? She's an editor. -She's an editor. Mmm. An editor. -Mmm. An editor. Not like books or literature or anything. Just a magazine... Just in case she hasn't told you -- which I'm sure she hasn't -- I don't want to be a part of this, OK? -Isn't it like, obvious? Not to me. Either you want to or you don't. -That's not a question, is it? You're catching on. -Can you drive? Drive? I'm not old enough yet. -Drive? I'm not old enough yet. It's never too soon to start. -I can't... I don't have all day. -Put the key in and turn it. The right pedal is gas, the other one's the brake. I don't know if I can with my leg. -I don't know if I can with my leg. Well, there's only one way to find out. Give it a little gas. -Just follow this. Nothing to it. I'm going to shut my eyes here for a little while. Just keep going till you run out of road. I don't know if I can. -I don't know if I can. Not a question of if you can -- you are. Just keep your eyes on the road and your foot on the pedal and the rest will take care of yourself. -Where did you get Pilgrim from? We bought him in Kentucky. My mother and I took a trip down there to see him. -We bought him in Kentucky. My mother and I took a trip down there to see him. That must have been pretty special. -Are you afraid of anything? Getting old. Not being of much use, I guess. What went on out there, Grace? With Pilgrim? -I won't tell you it'll stop feeling this bad... But I can tell you, you didn't do anything wrong... The same thing would have happened to me... or Frank... or Joe... And there's no sense in looking for a reason why things happen... I used to try and... always came up short. I don't think the why so's important as... what we do with what we get. I remember this boy I'd see up on the Blackfeet Reservation. He was sixteen. Great kid. Strong. He'd gone swimming and dived headfirst into a rock. Snapped his neck, paralyzed him... After the accident, I'd look in on him from time to time... and he wasn't there anymore. His mind, his spirit, whatever you want to call it, it just disappeared. And what was left was nothing but anger... It's like the boy I knew just went away somewhere... I know where he goes. -I know where he goes. I know you do. Don't you disappear. You do whatever you have to, to hold on... I'll tell you one more thing... When Pilgrim reared up to face that truck... you know what I think?... I think that damn horse loved you so much, he was trying to protect you... That's what I think. -I can't... not yet... There's no hurry. Take you time. -Sure? Sure. -There's still something going on inside of him I can't reach. So me and Smokey here, we're going to try laying him down. Okay? What does that mean? -What does that mean? It's more or less how it sounds. Sometimes it's not pretty to watch. Some horses fight it real hard. Your fella's already shown us he likes a good fight. So if you don't want to watch, I'll call you when it's done. -It's more or less how it sounds. Sometimes it's not pretty to watch. Some horses fight it real hard. Your fella's already shown us he likes a good fight. So if you don't want to watch, I'll call you when it's done. I want to watch. -Grace, I need you to come with me. No, you're only going to hurt him some more. -No, you're only going to hurt him some more. He's not hurt. He's okay. Look at him. -He's not hurt. He's okay. Look at him. No! -No! Grace, Listen... you've got to do this. Just trust me one more time. -It's warmer than I thought. You want to go to a movie tonight? -You want to go to a movie tonight? I thought your mom's coming up? -I thought your mom's coming up? So? -My parents are having friends from college over. They're really nice... They have this gorgeous son who wants to be a forest ranger. Can I come? I'll start a fire... -...Oh, come on! You think the same thing! I just could never say it! -Do you want to go around by the old road? Why don't we just cut through the woods? -You want to go down or stay along the river? We already did the river. Let's go down and across the old bridge. We can circle back. -"""... and I said that""..." "No, wait, it just goes... ""he said he liked to do-""..." -Jude, you okay? I'm okay... I'm okay. -Have you heard from Judith's parents? No, not yet. -No, not yet. How's Pilgrim doing? -Dad! I can do it, OK?! OK, OK. -Do you want something else, honey? We order something else? No, I'm just not that hungry. -You want to watch some television? Maybe... look -- just... -Honey, you all right? Did something fall? NO! -What, sweetheart? I want to see Pilgrim. -Did you notice -- no cane? I know. Amazing. -I know. Amazing. Can we show him Pilgrim, Tom? -Shouldn't we have invited Tom over? I did. He said he had work to do until late. -IT WAS MY TURN! YA JUST HAD A TURN. IT WAS NOT. -YA JUST HAD A TURN. IT WAS NOT. WAS SO! -Don't be such a baby! You just showing off for her! -You just showing off for her! You shut up, stupid! -You shut up, stupid! You're the one who's stupid -- letting her go and fall off your horse!! -Hi. It's a pleasure. I'm very grateful for the way you took in my girls here. I bet you were surprised when they just showed up out of nowhere. Oh yeah... -I can't believe it's the same horse. We still have a way to go. -We still have a way to go. How much longer do you think? -Well, like I told your wife, it's really up to Pilgrim. I understand... -Is the poverty worse, now, you think? I haven't been back in over twenty years, but I wouldn't be surprised. The population's larger. -Hey, darlin'. Hey, Rona. Sorry I'm late. -Hey, Rona. Sorry I'm late. I wouldn't know what to do if you were on time. -You're looking fit. Fit? You want to check my teeth. Good crowd today. I think you'll have some fun. You going to stay for dinner? -Fit? You want to check my teeth. Good crowd today. I think you'll have some fun. You going to stay for dinner? If it's not too much trouble, I thought I might. -If it's not too much trouble, I thought I might. Kind of trouble I'm in the mood for. -Kind of trouble I'm in the mood for. Oh-oh... Maybe I better get back in the truck. -Oh I clear forget. You had a call from some woman in New York. She sounded pretty wound up. I don't any woman in New York. But from what I hear, most of them are wound up. -I don't any woman in New York. But from what I hear, most of them are wound up. The number's by the phone. -What are you looking at, young man? How long were you married? -How long were you married? Long enough. -Long enough. You ever miss it? -You ever miss it? Does a horse miss a saddle? -Does a horse miss a saddle? Sometimes. -You know, Rona, we weren't all that good together even when we were good together. Honey... I was always good. -Well, that'll happen. Where did you learn all this stuff? -Where did you learn all this stuff? What stuff is that? -What stuff is that? About horses? I'd love to learn more about it myself. Do you offer any private lessons for riders? -About horses? I'd love to learn more about it myself. Do you offer any private lessons for riders? Well... Dale... you know, a lot of this stuff... it just... nuts and bolts. -Well... Dale... you know, a lot of this stuff... it just... nuts and bolts. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Well, if the rider's nuts, the horse bolts. That's the whole lesson right there. You have a good day now... Just... keep on freeing yourself up. -"Listen to this bullshit. ""This is our world now. The world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We exist without nationality, skin color, or religious bias. You wage wars, murder, cheat, lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals. Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. I am a hacker and this is my manifesto."" Huh, right, manifesto? ""You may stop me, but you can't stop us all.""" Now that's cool. -Now that's cool. Cool? -Cool? Yeah, cool. -Yeah, cool. You think it's cool? -You think it's cool? It's cool! -It's cool! It's not cool. It's commie bullshit! -Secret Service! Don't move! -How's it going, Ray? It looks good, sir. We've got an uncorrupted hard drive. -It looks good, sir. We've got an uncorrupted hard drive. In English, please. I didn't spend ten years protecting the president so I could finish my career feeling like an idiot. -In English, please. I didn't spend ten years protecting the president so I could finish my career feeling like an idiot. I'm sorry, sir. We caught him by surprise, so we don't think he had time to erase his computer files. -I'm sorry, sir. We caught him by surprise, so we don't think he had time to erase his computer files. Good. Good man. Alright, let's finish up here, and take him in for interrogation. -Good. Good man. Alright, let's finish up here, and take him in for interrogation. Alright sir. -Welcome to our show! Hack the Planet! -As you can see, this is just a simple microcassette recorder. Hook it up to the phone and drop in five bucks in quarters. Record the tones that the coins make. And hang up and get your money back! -Record the tones that the coins make. And hang up and get your money back! And never again have to pay for a service that would be dirt cheap... -And never again have to pay for a service that would be dirt cheap... ...IF it weren't run by a bunch of profiteering gluttons! -...IF it weren't run by a bunch of profiteering gluttons! Remember, hacking is more than just a crime. It's a survival trait! -Let's keep her. Waste the dude. -She's rabid, but cute. See, we're very busy. A TV network that wishes to remain nameless has expressed an interest in our show. -That's it! An electronic army! If I were us, I'd get on the internet, send out a major distress signal. Hackers of the World, Unite! -Hackers of the World, Unite! How are you going to take care of the cops? -What's that? Devil book. The Unix Bible. -What's that? Dragon book. Compiler design. -Oh yeah? What's that? The Red Book. NSA Trusted Networks. Otherwise known as the Ugly Red Book that won't fit on a shelf. -Maybe. But, if I were gonna hack some heavy metal, I'd, uh, work my way back through some low security, and try the back door. Yeah but oh man, wouldn't you just love to get one of those Gibsons, baby? Ooooh! -So what do you think, can I crash at your place tonight? What is it with this guy? -Shit! Shh! -Shh! Was that her top? -Right. The sensitive type. -I can't. Everybody who touches that thing gets busted, I can't afford to get arrested, I'm sorry. Maybe I should just go to the bathroom or something. -What? Check this out. It's a memo about how they're gonna deal with those oil spills that happened on the fourteenth. -Uh... Nikon, can I... can I crash at your place tonight? Again? Yeah sure. -Active matrix, man. A million psychedelic colors. Man, baby, sweet, ooo! I want it. -Very impressive. Super hero like even. -Hold on a second! Look at this, it's so lean and clean. -Look at this, it's so lean and clean. Looks like a hacker wrote it. -Oh man. That's universally stupid, man! Yo, man, you an amateur, man. -Biggest crash in history, front page, New York Times, August 10th, 1988. I thought you was black, man! Yo, man, this is Zero Cool! Oh, shit! That's far out! -That's far out! This is Zero Cool, man! Whooo, haha! -Ta-da! Yo, brain dead, the manual! -Snoop onto them... ...as they snoop onto us. -Well, I got a lot, alright? I don't know how many but... my head hurts. Yo, everyone check this out. Hey, what's the Da Vinci virus? -Damn! A worm AND a virus? The plot thickens. -...and your name goes through like seventeen computers a day. 1984, yeah right man, that's a typo. Orwell's here and now, he's living large. We have no names, man, no names. We are nameless. Can I score a fry? Thanks. Meet Cereal Killer. As in Froot Loops? But he does know things. -What are you, stoned or stupid? You don't hack a bank across state lines from your house, you'll get nailed by the FBI. Where are your brains, in your ass? Don't you know anything? Stupid, man. It's universally stupid. -Yeah but don't forget God. System operators love to use God. It's that whole male ego thing. Look, you wanna be elite? You gotta do a righteous hack. None of this accidental shit. -Look, you wanna be elite? You gotta do a righteous hack. None of this accidental shit. Oh yeah, you want a seriously righteous hack, you score one of those Gibsons man. You know, supercomputers they use to like, do physics, and look for oil and stuff? -Oh yeah, you want a seriously righteous hack, you score one of those Gibsons man. You know, supercomputers they use to like, do physics, and look for oil and stuff? Ain't no way, man, security's too tight. The big iron? -Cereal, man, you owe me a pack. It was him, man! -It was him, man! You're psyched. You need to lay off of that shit. -You're psyched. You need to lay off of that shit. I'm gonna hit you! -His parents missed Woodstock and he's been making up for it since. Hey, you hear about Joey's bust? Yeah. Probably had something to do with that bank in Idaho. -Yeah. Probably had something to do with that bank in Idaho. Do you think he could hack a Gibson? -I want it to have my children! Yeah, I bet it looks crispy in the dark. -Yeah, I bet it looks crispy in the dark. Yo, hit the lights. -One-handed! Difficulty rating? -Nonononono. Truce, you guys. Listen, we got a higher purpose here, alright? A wake up call for the Nintendo Generation. We demand free access to data, well, it comes with some responsibility. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things. What... It's Corinthians I, Chapter 13, verse 11, no duh. Come on. Phreak and Joey are being framed. We need your help to figure out what's on this disc. -Oh wow, we are fried. Never send a boy to do a woman's job. With me, we can do it in seven. -Never send a boy to do a woman's job. With me, we can do it in seven. You're both screwed. I help, we can do it in six. -Well this hasn't happened yet. "Wait a minute, the fourteenth, that's the same day the worm ends its run. I mean... Da Vinci virus, didn't Phreak say that's what he was being charged with? Look... ""Infecting ballast programs of Ellingson tankers"" - they blame hackers!" -Ai! Boom boom aiaiaiaiaee! Alright, that was a little tension breaker, that had to be done, alright? Cereal. -Cereal. Yeah? -Yeah? Go fix the phones. -Go fix the phones. Roger. -Who's that? Curtis. -Curtis. And what's he do? -And what's he do? That's it, you're looking at it, he just looks slick all day. -You heard of a hacker called Acid Burn? You know who he is? No, don't know who he is. Do you? -Did you talk to him? Nope. His mom said he's grounded for his next three lifetimes. He isn't to consort with his computer friends. The secret service is really out to get him. Hey there's a big party tonight, you wanna go? -Yo. Check this out guys, this is insanely great, it's got a 28.8 BPS modem! Yeah? Display? -Dead. Dead? -Dead? Yeah. Like Rigor Mortis, Habeas Corpus. -Due to Mr. Gill's untimely demise and everything, I guess you two will have to improvise the next round. Right. If I win, you wear a dress on our date. -Dade? Yeah, mom? -Yeah, mom? What are you doing? -What are you doing? I'm taking over a TV network. -I'm taking over a TV network. Finish up, honey, and get to sleep. And happy birthday. -Good morning. You unpack your stuff yet? Mm-hmm. -Mm-hmm. Up all night again, huh? -Up all night again, huh? Can this wait until both my eyes are open, please? -Can I cut the electricity to his room so he'll sleep normal hours? He's been playing with his computer all night for a solid week. Well yes, he could be playing with himself. Mmm hmm. Yes I'll ask. Dade, you like girls, don't you? Well, yeah, I just haven't found one as charming as you yet. -Well, yeah, I just haven't found one as charming as you yet. You haven't been doing anything stupid, right, Dade? Right, Dade?! -You haven't been doing anything stupid, right, Dade? Right, Dade?! Right, mom. And I'm still a virgin! -How was school? Hmmm. -Hmmm. What did we learn in school today? -What did we learn in school today? Revenge. -Revenge. Aaaah. Did we meet someone special? -Aaaah. Did we meet someone special? No. No one special. -No. No one special. Okay, I gotta get back to work. I'm gonna be home late. And would you try and please fill these out? -Right. Anything else, you want me to mow the lawn? Oops, forgot. New York. No grass. And unpack. -Loser. I can't believe you were only eleven when you wrote this. It's quite an impressive virus. Dade, I know how you might feel about narking on your friends, but, we're hackers. For us, there's no such thing as family and friends. We're each our own country, with temporary allies and enemies. I'd like to make a treaty with you. I'm sorry. Who are you? -I'm sorry. Who are you? I'm the one who understands you. Now, can we be allies? -I'm the one who understands you. Now, can we be allies? Nah. I don't play well with others. -Shit! Come on! Watch which friends you do play with. A record like yours could land you in jail, get you kicked out of school, no colleges would take you. No future. Exiled from everyone and everything you love. -I'm fine. Oh, and Dade, try to stay out of trouble, okay? Blow me. -Blow me. Thank you! -The girl. The girl has the disc I need. I told you, I don't play well with others. -I told you, I don't play well with others. Turn on your laptop. Set it to receive a file. -Lauren Murphy is now a wanted felon in the state of Washington. Forgery, Embezzlement, two drug convictions, plus she jumped parole. When she's arrested, she will not have a trial, she will not pass go, she will go directly to jail. Then I change this file back to the original, and your mom disappears. That's bullshit. -That's bullshit. What can I tell you. Computers never lie, kid. Your mom will be arrested at work, she'll be handcuffed, and later, strip searched. -What can I tell you. Computers never lie, kid. Your mom will be arrested at work, she'll be handcuffed, and later, strip searched. You lay a finger on her and I'll kill you. -You lay a finger on her and I'll kill you. Kid, don't threaten me. There are worse things than death and, uh, I can do all of them! -Talk to me. I got it. But listen, Kate didn't know what's on it. I mean, she came to me to figure it out. She's not the one who planted the virus. You leave her alone. -I got it. But listen, Kate didn't know what's on it. I mean, she came to me to figure it out. She's not the one who planted the virus. You leave her alone. Hey, don't worry, kid. If she's innocent, she'll be fine. Your mommy's safe now, okay? -Game's over. Last chance to get out of this without a prison sentence. You're not good enough to beat me, you little shit. Yeah, maybe I'm not. But we are, you asshole. -Yeah, maybe I'm not. But we are, you asshole. Give it up! Just give it up. -I found it! I found it! This is the end, my friend. Thank you for calling! -Crash Override. Never heard of you. Done anything? -Never heard of you. Done anything? No. -Yo, showtime, showtime! What's going on? -That's Razor and Blade. Razor and Blade. -Look out, man. Lisa Blair, 26 East 7th St., apartment 16, 555-4817, BOOM! How did you know that? -How did you know that? I got photographic memory. It's a curse! Lisa! -Seven. Wow! Burn's wetware matches her software! Burn! -This isn't a virus. It's a worm! What's this one eat? -What's this one eat? It nibbles. You see this? -Two days. And judging by this segment alone, it's already eaten about... -They'll trace you like that man, cops are gonna find you, they're gonna find you with a smoking gun. Fucked if I care, man. -Fucked if I care, man. Look, even if you had the passwords, it'll take you ten minutes to get in, and you've still gotta find the files, man, I mean, the cops will have you in... five minutes. -Jesus, I gotta save all your asses. I help, we can do it in five minutes, man. Okay. Let's go shopping. -Oh, shit! He got me. Joey's getting stupid busy. -Yes! We did it! -Here's your class. My... class. You mean I'm not in your class? -My... class. You mean I'm not in your class? No, you're not in my class. -Yeah, there's an Olympic size swimming pool up on the roof. Take the stairs over there. Yeah! Sure. -That's a nice score for a girl. Think you can do better? -Think you can do better? I'll give it a shot. -What the hell is going on? Pool on the roof must have a leak. -He's not in this class. I said give me time. -I said give me time. He's not enrolled in this class. -Burn. You're Acid Burn. You booted me out of OTV! What? -What? I'm Crash Override. -I'm Crash Override. You're the moron that's been invading my turf? -What the hell are you doing? It's cool, I'm just looking. -It's cool, I'm just looking. It's too much machine for you. -It's too much machine for you. Yeah? -It has a killer refresh rate. P6 chip. Triple the speed of the Pentium. -P6 chip. Triple the speed of the Pentium. Yeah. It's not just the chip, it has a PCI bus. But you knew that. -Yeah. It's not just the chip, it has a PCI bus. But you knew that. Indeed. RISC architecture is gonna change everything. -Indeed. RISC architecture is gonna change everything. Yeah. RISC is good. -You sure this sweet machine's not going to waste? "Crash Override. What was it. ""Mess with the Best, Die Like the Rest?""" -"Crash Override. What was it. ""Mess with the Best, Die Like the Rest?""" Yeah. -Yeah. Are you challenging me? -Are you challenging me? Name your stakes. -Name your stakes. If I win, you become my slave. -If I win, you become my slave. Your slave? -Your slave? You wish. You'll do shit work, scan, crack copyrights, whatever I want. -You wish. You'll do shit work, scan, crack copyrights, whatever I want. And if I win? -And if I win? Make it my first born. -Make it my first born. Make it our first date. -Make it our first date. You're not gonna win. -You're not gonna win. And you have to smile. -And you have to smile. I don't do dates. But I don't lose either, so you're on. -We need your help. Do my ears deceive me? -What is it with you? I know we've been playing games, but, we're supposed to be on the same side and we really need your help. I really need your help. I'm sorry, I can't. -I'm sorry, I can't. Well, could you just make a copy of the disc? And just hide it in case we get busted, so we have something to give our lawyers, something that hasn't been tampered with? Can you do that? -Thank you. Okay. I'll copy it. -Okay. I'll copy it. Okay, thank you. -Kate, listen. Uh, hold on... -Uh, hold on... I have to tell you something. -This is every financial transaction Ellingson conducts, yeah? From million dollar deals to the ten bucks some guy pays for gas. The worm eats a few cents from each transaction. -The worm eats a few cents from each transaction. And no one's caught it because the money isn't really gone. It's just data being shifted around. -And no one's caught it because the money isn't really gone. It's just data being shifted around. Right. And when the worm's ready, it zips out with the money and erases its tracks. -Right. And when the worm's ready, it zips out with the money and erases its tracks. Joey got cut off before he got to that part. Check it out. By this point, it's already running at, what, twice the speed as when it started. -Joey got cut off before he got to that part. Check it out. By this point, it's already running at, what, twice the speed as when it started. Right, and at this rate it ends its run in... -Whoever wrote this needs somebody to take the fall. And that's Phreak, and that's Joey, and that's us. We've got to get the rest of the file, so we can find out where the money is going before the worm disappears, so we can find out WHO created it. I know, I know who wrote it. -I know, I know who wrote it. What? -What? This Ellingson security creep. I gave him a copy of the disc you gave me. -This Ellingson security creep. I gave him a copy of the disc you gave me. You what? -You what? I didn't know what was on it. -Why did he come to you? I got a record. I was Zero Cool. -Well that's great. There goes MIT. I'll make it up to you! -I'll make it up to you! How? -How? I'll hack the Gibson. -Shit!! It's my subway defense system. -Alright, so what have we got? Well, we have fifty passwords, plus whatever Polaroid head here got inside Ellingson. -There they are! Razor and Blade! They're flakes! -Razor and Blade! They're flakes! They're elite! Let's get 'em. -A virus called Da Vinci will cause oil spills at 10:30 AM Eastern Time tomorrow. It's somehow connected with the worm that's stealing the money. -It's somehow connected with the worm that's stealing the money. We need your help to overload the Gibson so we can kill the Da Vinci virus and download the worm program. -Ready? Yeah. -Yeah. Alright, let's boot up. -It's the Gibson, it's finding us too fast. Man, there's too many garbage files, I need more time. -Are you crazy? What are you doing? I'm trying to help you. -Dade. What? -What? Thanks for your help. -Oh, wow, she's great. Yeah. -You look good in a dress. You would have looked better. -You would have looked better. Wanna go for a swim? -I can't believe they decided you won. They didn't. The guys felt it was the only way I'd get a date. Anyway, you're pretty good. You're elite. -They didn't. The guys felt it was the only way I'd get a date. Anyway, you're pretty good. You're elite. Yeah? You know if you would have said so in the beginning, you would have saved yourself a whole lot of trouble. -You know, I've been having these really weird.. Dreams? -Security, uh Norm, Norm speaking. Norman? This is Mr. Eddie Vedder, from Accounting. I just had a power surge here at home that wiped out a file I was working on. Listen, I'm in big trouble, do you know anything about computers? -Norman? This is Mr. Eddie Vedder, from Accounting. I just had a power surge here at home that wiped out a file I was working on. Listen, I'm in big trouble, do you know anything about computers? Uhhmmm... uh gee, uh... -Uhhmmm... uh gee, uh... Right, well my BLT drive on my computer just went AWOL, and I've got this big project due tomorrow for Mr. Kawasaki, and if I don't get it in, he's gonna ask me to commit Hari Kari... -Right, well my BLT drive on my computer just went AWOL, and I've got this big project due tomorrow for Mr. Kawasaki, and if I don't get it in, he's gonna ask me to commit Hari Kari... Uhhh.. ahahaha... -Uhhh.. ahahaha... Yeah, well, you know these Japanese management techniques. Could you, uh, read me the number on the modem? -Yeah, well, you know these Japanese management techniques. Could you, uh, read me the number on the modem? Uhhhmm... -Uhhhmm... It's a little boxy thing, Norm, with switches on it... lets my computer talk to the one there... -It's a little boxy thing, Norm, with switches on it... lets my computer talk to the one there... 212-555-4240. -Excuse me. Yo, chill man, I'm talking to Venezuela. -Yo, chill man, I'm talking to Venezuela. Yeah, I'm sorry, I was just looking for the principal's office. -Yeah, I'm sorry, I was just looking for the principal's office. Sorry, I can't help you, okay? -So, um, what's your interest in Kate Libby, eh? Academic? Purely sexual? Homicidal? -Homicidal? What's up, man? I'm the Phreak! -Did you find the program for the virus on any of the discs we confiscated? No. He's either very smart or very stupid. -No. He's either very smart or very stupid. Then he stashed it somewhere, or he has an accomplice. We'll release him until his indictment, keep tight surveillance, and see if he leads us to your disc. -Gill. I think we've got something. -It got you seven years probation. No computer, couldn't even use a touch tone phone. Must have been hell, huh? Zero Cool? A virus has been planted in the Ellingson Mineral computer system. You were our prime suspect, till we trashed your stuff and found no trace of it. -Must have been hell, huh? Zero Cool? A virus has been planted in the Ellingson Mineral computer system. You were our prime suspect, till we trashed your stuff and found no trace of it. However, we have come to believe that one Joey Pardella is involved in this Ellingson virus. He or perhaps his accomplice has a disk that Mr. Belford needs to disable that virus. We want you to help us find it. -However, we have come to believe that one Joey Pardella is involved in this Ellingson virus. He or perhaps his accomplice has a disk that Mr. Belford needs to disable that virus. We want you to help us find it. Gill. -Hello? We caught 'em. -We caught 'em. Good. -Good. Red handed! You won't be having any more trouble from them. -You're welcome. What's going on? Let go of me! Stewardess! I'll never fly this airline again! -There's a new virus in the database. What's happening? -What's happening? It's replicating, eating up memory. What do I do? -A rabbit replicates till it overloads a file, then it spreads like cancer. Cancer? -Colonel who? The System Command Processor, it's the brain. -The System Command Processor, it's the brain. Cancer, brain... Brain Cancer? -Mr. Belford? My name is the Plague. -My name is the Plague. Uh, Mr. The Plague, uh, something weird's happening on the net. -Uh, Mr. The Plague, uh, something weird's happening on the net. As in what, you hapless techno-weenie? -As in what, you hapless techno-weenie? Uh, the accounting subdirectory in the Gibson is working really hard. We got one person online, the workload is enough for like ten users. I think we've got a hacker. -Never fear. I is here. I've narrowed the activity to terminal 23. -I've narrowed the activity to terminal 23. Let's echo 23, see what's up. -We have a Zero Bug attacking all the login and overlay files. Run anti-virus. Give me a systems display! -Die, dickweeds! The rabbit is in the administration system. -Phreakphreakphreakphreakphreak, dudedudedudedudedudedude... I gotta... Joey, Joey... -Joey, Joey... What? whatwhatwhat? -What? whatwhatwhat? "One more ""dude"" out of you and I'm gonna slap the shit outa you, okay? Now I'm trying to save you from yourself but you gotta stop letting your mama dress you, man! : Check it..." -I need a handle, man. I don't have an identity until I have a handle. You know, you're right about that. Check it, Friday. -Alright. How about the Master of Disaster, huh? You're hopeless, man, utterly hopeless. -Anyways, guys, guys, listen, listen to me. I'm in this computer right? So I'm looking around... D'you bring those Crayola books? -You guys always think I should know everything, and you never tell me anything. Am I right? Alright, what are the three most commonly used passwords? -Alright, what are the three most commonly used passwords? Love, secret, and uh, sex. But not in that order, necessarily, right? -Yo, what's up? Dude dude dude, I gotta talk to you a minute, listen listen listen. I copied a garbage file from... -Dude dude dude, I gotta talk to you a minute, listen listen listen. I copied a garbage file from... Big deal. A garbage file's got shit in it, Joey, come on. -Big deal. A garbage file's got shit in it, Joey, come on. Nono, it's like hot or something. I don't know. -Nono, it's like hot or something. I don't know. Joey, a garbage file holds miscellaneous data. Junk. Bits of stuff that's been erased, man. -Joey, a garbage file holds miscellaneous data. Junk. Bits of stuff that's been erased, man. I copied it from Ellingson, okay? They're asking me about it, alright? Will you take a look for me? -Hey! What are you guys doing in here? I'm sorry, we're sorry, just checking out your fly laptop! -What is he doing in here? Relax, Burn, he's my guest. -Any questions? Yeah. Whose gonna notify his next of kin? -Hello? Hey, it's me. -Hey, it's me. Phreak? -Phreak? I'm freaking! Joey wasn't making it up! He really hacked into Ellingson! He gave me the disc with a file he copied and now I'm in jail! They're charging me with some serious shit! And there's stuff I didn't even do, like inserting some virus called Da Vinci, and they keep asking about you guys. -I'm freaking! Joey wasn't making it up! He really hacked into Ellingson! He gave me the disc with a file he copied and now I'm in jail! They're charging me with some serious shit! And there's stuff I didn't even do, like inserting some virus called Da Vinci, and they keep asking about you guys. You think they're going to bust us? -You think they're going to bust us? Yeah! You better figure out what's on that disc, cause we're being framed. It's in that place where I put that thing that time? -Good morning, Gentlemen. Please be seated. I see we're still dressing in the dark, Eugene. Once again, don't call me Eugene. A recent unknown intruder penetrated, using a superuser acount, giving him access to our whole system. -Once again, don't call me Eugene. A recent unknown intruder penetrated, using a superuser acount, giving him access to our whole system. Precisely what you're paid to prevent. -Precisely what you're paid to prevent. Someone didn't bother reading my carefully prepared memo on commonly used passwords. Now, as I so meticulously pointed out, the for most used passwords are love, sex, secret and... ...God. So would your holiness care to change her password? -A hacker planted the virus. Virus? -Virus? Yesterday, the ballast program for a supertanker training model mistakenly thought the vessel was empty, and flooded its tanks. -Yesterday, the ballast program for a supertanker training model mistakenly thought the vessel was empty, and flooded its tanks. Excuse me? -Excuse me? The little boat flipped over. A virus planted in the Gibson computer system claimed responsibility. -The little boat flipped over. A virus planted in the Gibson computer system claimed responsibility. What, it left a note? -So what are we supposed to do? Well luckily, you have a gifted and talented security officer. I traced the hacker's call. The secret service picked him up this morning. I'll just search his files for the original virus code, and then I can eliminate it. -What the hell was that all about? I had to move fast. The hacker copied my garbage file. -I had to move fast. The hacker copied my garbage file. What? -What? I created Mister da Vinci so we could call in the Secret Service. So they'd arrest the hacker, sieze his equipment, things that we can't do on our own. -I created Mister da Vinci so we could call in the Secret Service. So they'd arrest the hacker, sieze his equipment, things that we can't do on our own. I don't want to go to jail for this. -I don't want to go to jail for this. Relax. Think about the 25 million dollars. -Relax. Think about the 25 million dollars. But you've created a virus that's going to cause a worldwide ecological disaster, just to arrest some hacker kid? -But you've created a virus that's going to cause a worldwide ecological disaster, just to arrest some hacker kid? Basically, uhmm, yeah. Mmm hmmm. -Basically, uhmm, yeah. Mmm hmmm. Jesus. You know, you're sick, Eugene. You... -Jesus. You know, you're sick, Eugene. You... Sh, sh sh sh sh. -Murphy kid turn you down? I disguised myself as an Alabama State Trooper and penetrated the FBI NCIC. -I disguised myself as an Alabama State Trooper and penetrated the FBI NCIC. Pervert! What are you talking about? -The FBI computer holds files on twenty million Americans. I just hacked into it. Congratulations. -Congratulations. From here I got access to every piece of data ever stored on Dade Murphy's parents. His parents separated five years ago, reconciled two years later, filed for divorce last year, custody battle, boy chose to go with his mother. Hmm. -From here I got access to every piece of data ever stored on Dade Murphy's parents. His parents separated five years ago, reconciled two years later, filed for divorce last year, custody battle, boy chose to go with his mother. Hmm. So? -So? So, we get the mother, we get the boy. -They had a large chunk of the garbage file? How much do they know? Not everything. But enough to implicate us. -Not everything. But enough to implicate us. You said the worm was untreaceable! -You said the worm was untreaceable! Yeah. To civilians. But they're hackers. But don't worry. All we have to do is launch the Da Vinci virus, and then they'll all be put away. -Yeah. To civilians. But they're hackers. But don't worry. All we have to do is launch the Da Vinci virus, and then they'll all be put away. Launch the Da Vinci virus? You can't do that! -Launch the Da Vinci virus? You can't do that! No one believes the guilty. Besides, by the time they realize the truth, we'll be long gone with all of our money. -What is it? What's wrong? Nothing, it's just a minor glitch. -Nothing, it's just a minor glitch. """Minor glitch"" with you seems to turn into a major catastrophe." -Send a Flu-shot. Rabbit, Flu-shot, someone talk to me. -Thank you. Nonono, thank YOU! -Hello, operator services. Hello, operator? I'm having trouble dialing a number. -Hello, operator? I'm having trouble dialing a number. What number please? -What number please? 555-4202. -555-4202. Just one moment. -Just one moment. Thank you. -Purpose of visit? A patient pickup and transfer to Smith's Grove. -A patient pickup and transfer to Smith's Grove. You're late. -You're late. Yeah. Should be on the road. -Yeah. Should be on the road. Yeah, ha, hell of a night huh? -Yeah, ha, hell of a night huh? Real charmer. -Real charmer. I'll take you down there. -I'll take you down there. All right. -Rachel! What are you doing here? I thought I was supposed to pick you up? Jamie needs a Halloween costume. -Jamie needs a Halloween costume. You do? Okay. Go down aisle A. We've got the best costumes in the whole town. -We need to talk. Okay sure. What about? -Okay sure. What about? Its about tonight. -What? My parents baby-sitter canceled. -My parents baby-sitter canceled. So? -So? So I have to watch Jamie tonight. -So I have to watch Jamie tonight. When did you find this out? -When did you find this out? This morning. -This morning. Well you found out this morning? Why didn't you tell me before? I mean it's 5 o'clock now Rachel...shit -Well you found out this morning? Why didn't you tell me before? I mean it's 5 o'clock now Rachel...shit Don't get angry. -Don't get angry. I'm not angry it's just -Can I come over after Jamie's asleep? My parents are going to come home early tonight. -My parents are going to come home early tonight. So? -So? I don't know Brady. -I don't know Brady. Okay, I guess. I'll call you later. -Rachel, I've got an expl-- I've got an explanation. You don't owe me anything. -Just leave me alone and lets forget it. No, you don't understand. -I mean, you blew off our date at last minute. So you hop on to the next best thing? I thought you were different from other guys. -So you hop on to the next best thing? I thought you were different from other guys. I am different, it's just that I just got pissed off...that's all. -I am different, it's just that I just got pissed off...that's all. Oh really? Well, I'll just let you get back to little Ms. Hot panties. -Are you two okay? We've been better. -We've been better. What's going on? -What's going on? Michael Myers. -Michael Myers. Who's that? -Who's that? 10 years ago? Halloween? He's Jamie's uncle. -No, no, we have to get out of here right now. Not without Jamie. -Not without Jamie. Look. -You think she stands a chance? She's not dead! -Is there another key? I don't know! -Its metal, god dammit its metal. What does that mean? -What does that mean? We're trapped in this house. -Brady! Get back! -Get back! Brady! -Brady! No. You son of a bitch! -Shit! Brady! Come with us. -Brady! Come with us. Go! -Go! Brady! -Brady! Get up there Rachel! -Brady! Get up there Rachel! -Get up there Rachel! Brady! Come with us! Brady! -Brady! Come with us! Brady! Go! -When did this happen? Sometime in the night. They probably lost the road in the storm. Come down the embankment. It happens. -Sometime in the night. They probably lost the road in the storm. Come down the embankment. It happens. An accident? -An accident? Yes, sir. -It's hard to tell, there all chewed up. Loomis, it's over. Leave it alone. -I've seen bodies thrown 50-60 feet from a crash site. Look, even if by some miracle Michael is conscience, his muscles would be totally useless. Give the troopers a chance to search. -Hang on Mrs. Pierce. Not that tie, on the other side. That's not the only thing your eating Rachel. Mom, I'm on a diet. You want an oinker for a daughter? -Mom, please You'll have to watch Jamie tonight. -You'll have to watch Jamie tonight. Not tonight. I've got that date with Brady. You know how important that is. -Not tonight. I've got that date with Brady. You know how important that is. Well tonight is very important for your father and me. -Well tonight is very important for your father and me. Can't you find somebody else? -Can't you find somebody else? Its too late. -Its too late. What am I supposed to tell Brady? Sorry, but I've got to baby-sit my foster sister, go and have fun by yourself. -What am I supposed to tell Brady? Sorry, but I've got to baby-sit my foster sister, go and have fun by yourself. Its not exactly the end of the world, for goodness sake -How do we look? You guys always look great. -You guys always look great. We'll be at the Fallbrooks. The number's next to the phone. -We'll be at the Fallbrooks. The number's next to the phone. I know, and next to that is the police, hospital, fire, and probably National Guard. -Oh dear God. Its all right...a bad dream, just a nasty old dream. It's okay..it's okay. -Clean one in the laundry room next to your blue slacks. Hello? Honey, this tie has a spot on it, I can't wear this today. I got a 10:30 with Chuck. -Found it. Sorry. Do you suppose Susan could just bring her crutches? Oh, stupid question. Tell her I hope she feels better. Susan's mother, she can't baby-sit tonight. -Sorry. Do you suppose Susan could just bring her crutches? Oh, stupid question. Tell her I hope she feels better. Susan's mother, she can't baby-sit tonight. Why not? -Why not? Susan broke her ankle last night at the ice rink Rachel? -Honey, I don't think their home. How do you know their not? -How do you know their not? Because the lights are all out. -Because the lights are all out. I told them to be here by nine. Its not 9:30 yet. -I told them to be here by nine. Its not 9:30 yet. We should call the fire department. -We should call the fire department. I'm not calling the fire department. -Why wasn't I notified? About what? -About what? You know damn well about what. You let them take it out of here. -You know damn well about what. You let them take it out of here. For Christ sakes. Spare me the speech. I've listened to it for a decade. The fact is that Michael Myers was a federal patient, and a federal prisoner therefore he is subject to federal law. -For Christ sakes. Spare me the speech. I've listened to it for a decade. The fact is that Michael Myers was a federal patient, and a federal prisoner therefore he is subject to federal law. We're not talking about any ordinary prisoner Hoffman! We are talking about evil on two legs. -We're not talking about any ordinary prisoner Hoffman! We are talking about evil on two legs. I can see this is useless. -I don't want to have anyone live through that night again. I've said this before. I think your the one who needs medical help. -Why shouldn't I? How many people in the bus? -How many people in the bus? Four plus Myers. -Four plus Myers. How many bodies did you find? -Now where are you going? Haddonfield. It's a four hour drive. You can reach me through the local police. If you didn't find him in four hours, I'm sure I will. -Yes. I'm Dr. Hoffman, Medical Administrator. -I'm Dr. Hoffman, Medical Administrator. Has he been prepped? -Has he been prepped? Ready to go. Who signs for him? -Ready to go. Who signs for him? I do. -I do. Outside. -Outside. Check him out. -I'd assumed Dr. Loomis would be here. Michael Myers was his patient. If Loomis read memos he's be here. Fortunately his position is more ceremonial then medical. My hope is that he's either transfer, retire, or die. -Watch it. I can safely say that Michael Myers is now in your hands. -I can safely say that Michael Myers is now in your hands. Yeah. Well I guess your happy to see him go. -Night Doc. Drive Carefully. -Not like 'ol Ben Meeker do something like that. Sure ain't. Martians could land on Ben's doorstep, all he'd do is spit once and get himself a shot gun. -Sure ain't. Martians could land on Ben's doorstep, all he'd do is spit once and get himself a shot gun. Who you calling? -Who you calling? Police station. I ain't closing down with out a good goddamn reason. -We're going to Ben's. The phone never just rings at a police station. No way. No how. -What the hell did this? Looks to me like your out of business. Now I want some answers. -Like the last time? How many people killed back then? How many kids? Al here lost his boy 10 years back. -Shit, Earl. It's Ted Holster. You dumb son of a bitch, you said you saw Myers. -Okay everybody, listen up. I've got Rachel Corruthers and her sister in the truck, and I'm taking them outta town route 410. State police are on the way. Got that? Got it Earl. -Got it Earl. Okay, out. -Kido. It's four in the morning. I can't sleep. -I can't sleep. What is this? Four nights in a row? You going for a record here? The seven year olds insomniacs hall of fame? -What is this? Four nights in a row? You going for a record here? The seven year olds insomniacs hall of fame? Do you love me Rachel? -Do you love me Rachel? Oh, serious questions tonight. Of course I love you. -Oh, serious questions tonight. Of course I love you. Like a sister? -Like a sister? Jamie, sometimes it's... -Jamie, sometimes it's... Like a real sister? -Like a real sister? We're not real sisters Jamie, but that doesn't mean I love you any less. -Sure it does. I know you miss your parents, its hasn't been that long. -I know you miss your parents, its hasn't been that long. It's been eleven months. -It's been eleven months. Your mother used to baby-sit me when I was your age. I bet you didn't know that. -Your mother used to baby-sit me when I was your age. I bet you didn't know that. Your lucky. I wish she could do the same for me. -Your lucky. I wish she could do the same for me. Come on Jamie, lets go back to bed. Come on Sunday. -Sure it is. I think tonight Brady was ready to make a commitment. But now my future relationship, my engagement, my marriage, my children, your grandchildren, have all been wiped out because I have to baby sit tonight. I'm sorry I ruined everything. If I wasn't here you could go out. -Jamie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I can go out with Brady tomorrow night. Its no big deal. But you wanted to go out tonight. It's my fault that you can't. -But you wanted to go out tonight. It's my fault that you can't. Well tonight we're going to do something better. We're going to go trick-or-treating. -Well tonight we're going to do something better. We're going to go trick-or-treating. I don't want to. -I don't want to. It's Halloween. I mean don't you want to get dresses up in a really scary costume and get some candy? -How about this afternoon I pick you up from school and we go get ice cream? Double scoops? -Double scoops? Double scoops. Now lets get some breakfast. -Hi. You ready for some Ice Cream? -You ready for some Ice Cream? I wanna go trick-or-treating like the other kids. -I wanna go trick-or-treating like the other kids. But I thought you didn't want to go trick-or-treating. -The Discount Mart. Can we get Ice Cream after? You bet. -Come on Rachel. In a second. -Jamie, what happened? It was the nightmare man -It was the nightmare man What? -What? He's coming to get me Rachel. -Rachel, can I go get my costume on? Yeah, hurry up. -Come on Rachel! Coming. -Coming. I thought you said you were ready. -I thought you said you were ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Okay, let's go. -Jamie, wait for me. This is great Rachel. Come on. -Had enough? No way! Halloween's great. Can we stay out all night? -No way! Halloween's great. Can we stay out all night? Forget it kido. We're home by eight o'clock. -Can we go home soon Rachel? Real soon, Jamie. Now shh. -Jamie! Oh Rachel! -Rachel come on. No. -No. Come on. -I'm gonna lower you to the chimney, okay Jamie? I can't. -I can't. Well try dammit! -Rachel! I've got you come on, go down. -I've got you come on, go down. Rachel! -What are you doing out here alone? Everybody's dead. I just wanna go home. -Everybody's dead. I just wanna go home. Oh no you can't. I've just been there. That's the first place he'll look for you. Where's the school house? Where is the school house? -We'll hear sirens soon. Then we'll be safe? -Then we'll be safe? Yeah. -You don't believe that do you? No. -Rachel, take your sister upstairs. First door on the right. Dad, what's going on? -Dad, what's going on? Kelly, I want you to close and lock all the downstairs windows. -Kelly, I want you to close and lock all the downstairs windows. Why? -Why? Just do it. -That's all the windows, Dad. All right. Good Good. Logan I want you right here by the front door. This is the dead bolt key. -Why don't you go make some coffee. All right. -Hi Rachel. Hi. -I didn't know you and Brady had anything okay? You knew. You just didn't care. -You knew. You just didn't care. He's not married. Besides, I've got a right to do what's best for me. -He's not married. Besides, I've got a right to do what's best for me. Don't you mean what you do best? -Don't you mean what you do best? Wise up to what men want Rachel, or Brady won't be the last man you lose to another woman. -You remember Lindsay don't you? Hi Jamie. -You know Rach, Discount Mart is having a sale on Halloween costumes. No. Brady's working there till 6:00 today. -No. Brady's working there till 6:00 today. I know! Don't you want to talk to him? -I know! Don't you want to talk to him? I don't want to look pushy. -I don't want to look pushy. You won't look pushy. -You won't look pushy. Well I don't want to come on too strong. A guy hates a girl to come on strong. Fragile egos and all of that. -Well I don't want to come on too strong. A guy hates a girl to come on strong. Fragile egos and all of that. You won't come on too strong. -You won't come on too strong. Well I don't want to seem desperate or anything. -Well I don't want to seem desperate or anything. Fact it Rach, you are desperate. Your just going to go in and buy a costume for Jamie. Perfectly legit. -Fact it Rach, you are desperate. Your just going to go in and buy a costume for Jamie. Perfectly legit. I don't know. -I don't know. Well do I drop you off at the Discount Mart or the Dairy Queen? -Well do I drop you off at the Discount Mart or the Dairy Queen? Jamie? -Call me. Okay, bye. -Hell of a night. Its not over yet. -Its not over yet. Where are you going? -Where are you going? The Corruther's house. That's where Jamie lives, that's where he'll go. -The Corruther's house. That's where Jamie lives, that's where he'll go. Leave Myers for the state boys. -Leave Myers for the state boys. The state police won't know how to stop him. -The state police won't know how to stop him. Do you? -Do you? Maybe nobody knows how to stop him, but I've got to try. -Logan, I want you to stay here in case the family gets back. Right here, Ben. -Right here, Ben. You look sharp. You understand? -You look sharp. You understand? No problem, Sheriff. -132 to 133 this is 134. This is 132, over. -This is 132, over. Ben-uh-I just heard about the station. -Go to my house. We'll call the state force from there. I'll be there in 5 minutes. -You got your riot gun? Yeah in the trunk of my squad. -Yeah in the trunk of my squad. Go get it. -Get the outside shutters. What are we doing? -What are we doing? Making sure that no one can get in here. -Making sure that no one can get in here. Isn't this all a little paranoid? -Isn't this all a little paranoid? If you'd seen that police station you wouldn't even ask. -Now I pad locked the back door, this is the only way in and out of this house. You got that? Got it Ben. -I'll be out on gateway and I doubt I'll be back before the troopers get here. Maybe you ought to wait here till they do. -Maybe you ought to wait here till they do. Hey. I got a town full of beer bellies running around in the dark with shotguns. Who's gonna be next? Somebody's wife? Somebody's kid? -I am. Ben Meeker. Oh, Sheriff Meeker, my name is Dr. ... -Oh, Sheriff Meeker, my name is Dr. ... Loomis. Folks around here aren't likely to forget your face. At least not cops. So what brings you back here after 10 years? -Loomis. Folks around here aren't likely to forget your face. At least not cops. So what brings you back here after 10 years? Michael Myers has escaped from Ridgemont. He's here in Haddonfield. -Michael Myers has escaped from Ridgemont. He's here in Haddonfield. That's impossible. Michael Myers is an invalid. -That's impossible. Michael Myers is an invalid. He's here, Sheriff. -He's here, Sheriff. Why? -Why? 10 years ago he tried to kill Laurie Strode, and now he wants her daughter. -10 years ago he tried to kill Laurie Strode, and now he wants her daughter. Are you talking about Jamie Lloyd? -Are you talking about Jamie Lloyd? Where ever she is, that little girl is in mortal danger. -Where ever she is, that little girl is in mortal danger. Myers has been locked up since before she was born. He's never laid eyes on her. -Six bodies, Sheriff! That's what I have seen between here and Ridgemont. A filling station in flames. I'm telling you Michael Myers is here in this town. He's here to kill that little girl and anybody that gets in his way. Hank, call the troopers and check his story out. And assuming what you say is true.. -Hank, call the troopers and check his story out. And assuming what you say is true.. Its true, Sheriff. -Its true, Sheriff. All right, all right. Its true, what the hell can we do to avoid a repeat of what happened 10 years ago? -All right, all right. Its true, what the hell can we do to avoid a repeat of what happened 10 years ago? Find this little girl, get her somewhere safe. Call the local T.V. station. Tell them to get people off the streets and behind locked doors. -When he makes that call. All right. Pierce, do it. Lets check on this little girl. -Something? He's been here. -He's been here. How do you know? -This is starting to spook me. Least I'm not alone. -Is that him? Is that him? Yes. -Oh Christ. Doc... Dear God. -Oh Christ. They wouldn't have given up without a fight. They didn't know what they were fighting. -How can a man do this Loomis? Tell me. It isn't a man. -It isn't a man. What is he? Tell me! What the hell are we dealing with? -What is he? Tell me! What the hell are we dealing with? Evil. -It was Michael Myers. He's come home to kill. Let it be Earl. Let the police handle it. -You son of a bitch, you just created a lynch mob. You haven't got a police force! These men may be the only defense you've got. -Where's that Deputy? Be here in a minute. -Where's the radio? Right through the kitchen you'll see the basement stairs. Brady, you know how to use a gun? -How's it powered? Batteries. I planned the generator for the house next week. I wished I hadn't waited. This is squawk 79er zero of Haddonfield broadcasting on the state police emergency frequency. Can anyone hear me? -It's over. Yes. Michael Myers is in hell, buried, where he belongs. -These kids aren't likely to forget. They've survived this ordeal, they'll survive it's memory. -Thank you. Anything for a fellow pilgrim. Sometimes we need help getting where we want to be. Reverend Jackson Pete Sayer of Dumon County, please to make your aquanauts. -How far are you going, Mr. Sayer? Gods Country, Promise Land. Where are you heading Mr..ah -Gods Country, Promise Land. Where are you heading Mr..ah Loomis. Haddonfield. -Loomis. Haddonfield. Car trouble? -Car trouble? Sort of. -Sort of. Your hunting it, ain't ya? Yeah, your hunting it all right, just like me. -Your hunting it, ain't ya? Yeah, your hunting it all right, just like me. What are you hunting, Mr. Sayer? -What are you hunting, Mr. Sayer? Apocalypse, end of the world, Armageddon. Its always got a face and a name. -I know that Mr. Sayer. Oh your a pilgrim all right. I saw it on your face back there in the dust. I saw it clear as Breasts and blue suede shoes. Would you like a drink? -Rachel, Jamie. Thank God! What's going on? -Sheriff, what is going on out there? All right Rachel, you stay by this radio. The state boys will send word once their in route. When that word comes you go tell deputy Logan. -All right Rachel, you stay by this radio. The state boys will send word once their in route. When that word comes you go tell deputy Logan. Okay. -Okay. Now you understand? -Now you understand? Uh huh. -Sheriff Meeker, we killed him. Calm down. Calm down. Are you all right? Are you all right? -Jamie! Get away! Don't touch him Jamie! -Hi, Annie, Laurie... Hi, Dad. What happened? -Hi, Dad. What happened? What? -What? What happened? -What happened? Someone broke into the hardware store. Probably kids. -Someone broke into the hardware store. Probably kids. You blame everything on kids. -You blame everything on kids. The only things missing were some Halloween masks, rope, a set of knives. What does that sound like to you? -You're going to be late at the Doyles, Annie. Huh? -You're going to be late! He shouts, too. -Why didn't you wait for me? We did. Fifteen minutes. You totally never showed up. -We did. Fifteen minutes. You totally never showed up. That's not true. Here I am. -It's been totally charted. We just talked. -We just talked. Sure. -Sure. Old jerko got caught throwing eggs and soaping windows. His parents grounded him for the weekend. He can't come over tonight. -Well, are we still on for tonight? I wouldn't want to get you in deep trouble, Lynda. -I wouldn't want to get you in deep trouble, Lynda. Come on, Annie. Bob and I have been planning on it all week. -Come on, Annie. Bob and I have been planning on it all week. All right. The Wallaces leave at seven. -What time? I don't know yet. I have to get out of taking my stupid brother trick-or- treating. -I don't know yet. I have to get out of taking my stupid brother trick-or- treating. Saving the treats for Bob? -Saving the treats for Bob? Fun-ny. See you. -What's wrong, Annie? You're not smiling. I'm never smiling again. Paul dragged me into the boys' locker room to tell me... -I'm never smiling again. Paul dragged me into the boys' locker room to tell me... Exploring uncharted territory? -Shit! I have a place for that. -I have a place for that. I forgot my chemistry book. -I'M baby sitting for the Doyles. It's only three houses away. We can keep each other company. Terrific. I've got three choices. Watch the kid sleep, listen to Lynda screw, or talk to you. -Look. Look where? -Look where? Behind that bush there. -I don't see anything. That man who drove by so fast, the one you yelled at. -That man who drove by so fast, the one you yelled at. Subtle, isn't he? Hey creep! -He was standing right here. Poor Laurie. You scared another one away. -Poor Laurie. You scared another one away. Cute. -It's tragic. You never go out. You must have a small fortune stashed from babysitting so much. The guys think I'm too smart. -Well, home sweet home. I'll see you later. Okay. Bye. -Hello? Why did you hang up on me? -Why did you hang up on me? Annie, was that you? -Annie, was that you? Of course. -Of course. Why didn't you say anything? You scared me to death. -Why didn't you say anything? You scared me to death. I had my mouth full. Couldn't you hear me? -I had my mouth full. Couldn't you hear me? I thought it was an obscene phone call. -I thought it was an obscene phone call. Now you hear obscene chewing. You're losing it, Laurie. -Now you hear obscene chewing. You're losing it, Laurie. I've already lost it. -I've already lost it. I doubt that. Listen, my mother is letting me use her car. I'll pick you up. 6:30. -I doubt that. Listen, my mother is letting me use her car. I'll pick you up. 6:30. Sure, see you later. -Sure, see you later. Bye. -You still spooked? I wasn't spooked. -I wasn't spooked. Lies. -Lies. I saw someone standing in Mr. Riddle's back yard. -I saw someone standing in Mr. Riddle's back yard. Probably Mister Riddle. -Probably Mister Riddle. He was watching me. -He was watching me. Mister Riddle was watching you? Laurie, Mister Riddle is eighty-seven. -Mister Riddle was watching you? Laurie, Mister Riddle is eighty-seven. He can still watch. -He can still watch. That's probably all he can do. -What's the pumpkin for? I brought it for Tommy. I figured making a Jack-O-Lantern would keep him occupied. -I brought it for Tommy. I figured making a Jack-O-Lantern would keep him occupied. I always said you'd make a fabulous girl scout. -I always said you'd make a fabulous girl scout. Thanks. -Thanks. For that matter, I might as well be a girl scout tonight. I plan on making popcorn and watching Doctor Dementia. Six straight hours of horror movies. Little Lindsey Wallace won't know what hit her. -I hate that dog. I'm the only person in the world he doesn't like. What's this big, big news? -What's this big, big news? What would you say if I told you that you were going to the Homecoming Dance tomorrow night? -What would you say if I told you that you were going to the Homecoming Dance tomorrow night? I'd say you must have the wrong number. -I'd say you must have the wrong number. Well, I just talked with Ben Tramer and he got real excited when I told him how attracted you were to him. -Well, I just talked with Ben Tramer and he got real excited when I told him how attracted you were to him. Annie, you didn't. Tell me you didn't. -Annie, you didn't. Tell me you didn't. You guys will make a fabulous couple. -You'll have to. He's calling you tomorrow to find out what time to pick you up. Annie! -Fancy. This has not been my night. My clothes are in the wash, I spilled butter down the front of me, I got stuck in a window... -This has not been my night. My clothes are in the wash, I spilled butter down the front of me, I got stuck in a window... I'm glad you're here because I have something I want you to do. I want you to call up Ben Tramer and tell him you were just fooling around. -I'm glad you're here because I have something I want you to do. I want you to call up Ben Tramer and tell him you were just fooling around. I can't. -I can't. Yes, you can. -Yes, you can. He went out drinking beer with Mike Godfrey and he won't be back until late. YOU'LL have to call him tomorrow. Besides, I'm on my way to pick up Paul. -Wait a minute here... If you watch her, I'll CONSIDER talking to Ben Tramer in the morning. -If you watch her, I'll CONSIDER talking to Ben Tramer in the morning. Deal. Hey, I thought Paul was grounded. -Deal. Hey, I thought Paul was grounded. He was. Old jerko found a way to sneak out. Listen, I'll call you in an hour or so. -Get him out of here! Here, Lester. -Lindsey, Lester's barking again and getting on my nerves again. No, he's not. -Annie, Paul's on the phone! Lindsey, open the door! I'm locked in the laundry room! -You locked yourself in. I know. Pull my legs. I'm stuck. -I'm scared. Then why are you sitting here with half the lights off? -Then why are you sitting here with half the lights off? I don't know. -I don't know. Well, come on, get your coat. We're going to pick up Paul. -Well, come on, get your coat. We're going to pick up Paul. I don't want to. -I don't want to. Look, Lindsey, I thought we understood each other... -Look, Lindsey, I thought we understood each other... I want to stay here and watch this. -Yes. Come with me. -Now... First we'll talk a little, then Annie will distract Lindsey and we sneak quietly up the stairs to the first bedroom on the left. Got it? Okay. First I rip your clothes off... -You idiot! ...Then you rip my clothes off. Then we rip LYNDSEY'S clothes off. I think I've got it. -...Then you rip my clothes off. Then we rip LYNDSEY'S clothes off. I think I've got it. Totally... -I wonder where they went. Annie probably took Lindsey out or something. Let's look for a note. -I can't help it. It just keeps ringing. And I can't keep you interested? -That's great. Now you'll be too drunk to... Just answer the damn phone. -Just answer the damn phone. I can't. What if it's the Wallaces!? We'd get Annie in trouble. -Fantastic. Totally. Yeah. -Yeah. Want a beer? -Want a beer? Yeah. -Yeah. Is that all you say? -Is that all you say? Yeah. -Yeah. Go get me a beer. -Go get me a beer. I thought you were gonna get one for me. -I thought you were gonna get one for me. YEAH? -My parents won't be back till ten. Are you sure? -We're all alone, aren't we? Michael's around someplace... -I gotta go. Will you call me tomorrow? -Will you call me tomorrow? Yeah, sure. -Yeah, sure. Promise? -Promise? Yeah. -Sheriff? I'm Doctor Sam Loomis. Lee Brackett. -I'd like to talk to you, if I could. May be a few minutes. I gotta stick around here... -May be a few minutes. I gotta stick around here... It's important. -Ten minutes. I'll be here. -Anybody live here? Not since 1963, since it happened. Every kid in Haddonfield thinks this place is haunted. -Not since 1963, since it happened. Every kid in Haddonfield thinks this place is haunted. They may be right. -Come on... A skunk could have killed it... Could have... -A man wouldn't do that... He isn't a man. -I suppose I do seem a bit sinister for a doctor. Looks like to me you're just plain scared. -Looks like to me you're just plain scared. I am. I met him fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left, no conscience, no reason, no understanding, in even the most rudimentary sense, of life or death or right or wrong. I met this six- year-old boy with a blank, cold emotionless face and the blackest of eyes, the Devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him and another seven trying to keep him locked away when I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... evil. -What do we do? He was here, earlier tonight, and he may be coming back. I'm going to wait for him. -He was here, earlier tonight, and he may be coming back. I'm going to wait for him. I keep thinking I should call the radio and TV stations... -I keep thinking I should call the radio and TV stations... If you do they'll be seeing him everywhere, on every street corner, in every house. Just tell your men to shut their mouths and open their eyes. -If you do they'll be seeing him everywhere, on every street corner, in every house. Just tell your men to shut their mouths and open their eyes. I'll check back in an hour. -Jesus! You all right? -You all right? Sure... -Sure... Nothing's going on. Just kids playing pranks, trick or treating, partying, getting high... I have the feeling you're way off on this... -Nothing's going on. Just kids playing pranks, trick or treating, partying, getting high... I have the feeling you're way off on this... You have the wrong feeling. -You have the wrong feeling. You're not coming up with much to prove me wrong. -You're not coming up with much to prove me wrong. Exactly what do you need? -Exactly what do you need? Well, it's going to take more than fancy talk to keep me up all night creeping around these bushes. -Well, it's going to take more than fancy talk to keep me up all night creeping around these bushes. I watched him for fifteen years, sitting in a room staring at a wall, not seeing the wall, seeing past it, seeing THIS NIGHT. He's waited for it, inhumanly patient. Hour after hour, day after day, waiting for some silent, invisible alarm to trigger him. Death has arrived in your little town, sheriff. You can ignore it, or you can help me stop it. -I watched him for fifteen years, sitting in a room staring at a wall, not seeing the wall, seeing past it, seeing THIS NIGHT. He's waited for it, inhumanly patient. Hour after hour, day after day, waiting for some silent, invisible alarm to trigger him. Death has arrived in your little town, sheriff. You can ignore it, or you can help me stop it. More fancy talk... You want to know what Haddonfield is? Families. Children, all lined up in rows, up and down these streets. You're telling me they're lined up for a slaughterhouse. -More fancy talk... You want to know what Haddonfield is? Families. Children, all lined up in rows, up and down these streets. You're telling me they're lined up for a slaughterhouse. They could be. -They could be. I'll stay out with you tonight, Doctor, just on the chance that you're right. And if you are right, damn you for letting him out. -Where were you? I went back to the Myers house... I found the car! He's here! -I found the car! He's here! Where? -Where? Three blocks down. Get in the car and go up that other street and then back down here. I'm going up the block. -It's totally insane! We have three new cheers to learn in the morning, the game in the afternoon, I get my hair done at five, and the dance is at eight. I'll be totally wiped out! I think you have too much to do tomorrow. -I think you have too much to do tomorrow. TOTALLY! -TOTALLY! As usual, I don't have anything to do. -As usual, I don't have anything to do. It's your own fault and I don't feel sorry for you. -I thought you were babysitting tonight. The only reason she babysits is to have a place to... -Isn't that David Graham? He's cute. I don't think so... -Annie, some day you're going to get us all in deep trouble. Totally. -Hi, Laurie, what's up? Nothing. I was just sitting down for the first time tonight. -Nothing. I was just sitting down for the first time tonight. Is Annie around? -Is Annie around? No. I thought she'd be home by now. She went to pick up Paul. -No. I thought she'd be home by now. She went to pick up Paul. Well, she's totally not here. -Well, she's totally not here. They probably stopped off somewhere. Have her call me when she gets back. I've got Lyndsey here and I want to know what time to put her to bed. -They probably stopped off somewhere. Have her call me when she gets back. I've got Lyndsey here and I want to know what time to put her to bed. Okay. Later. -Okay. Later. Have a good time. -Hey, Laurie... Hi, Tommy. -Are you coming over tonight? Same time, same place. -Same time, same place. Can we make Jack-O-Lanterns? -Can we make Jack-O-Lanterns? Sure. -Sure. Can we watch the monster movies? -Can we watch the monster movies? Sure. -Sure. Will you read to me? Can we make popcorn? -Will you read to me? Can we make popcorn? Sure. Sure. -Yes, I am. Uh-uh. That's a spook house. -Uh-uh. That's a spook house. Just watch. -Lonnie Elam said never to go up there. Lonnie Elam said that's a haunted house. He said real awful stuff happened there once. Lonnie Elam probably won't get out of the sixth grade. -I gotta go. I'll see you tonight. See you. -"...""how now, cried Arthur. 'Then no one may pass this way without a fight?' 'That is so,' answered the night in a bold and haughty manner...""" I don't like that story. -I don't like that story. But king Arthur was always your favorite. -Not any more. Why are they under there? -Why are they under there? Mom doesn't like me to have them. -'Neutron Man'... 'Laser Man'... I can see why. 'Tarantula Man'... Laurie, what's the Boogey Man? -Laurie... I'm so embarrassed. I couldn't face him... -What about the Jack-O-Lantern? After the movie. -After the movie. What about the rest of my comic books? -What about the rest of my comic books? After the Jack-O-Lantern. -After the Jack-O-Lantern. What about the bogyman? -What about the bogyman? There is no such thing. -There is no such thing. Richie said he was coming after me tonight. -Richie said he was coming after me tonight. Do you believe everything that Richie tells you? -Do you believe everything that Richie tells you? No... -No... Tommy, Halloween night is when you play tricks on people and scare them. It's all make believe. -I saw the bogyman. I saw him outside. There was no one outside. -There was no one outside. There WAS. -There WAS. What did he look like? -What did he look like? The bogyman! -The bogyman! We're no getting anywhere. All right, look, Tommy. The bogyman can only come out on Halloween night, right? -We're no getting anywhere. All right, look, Tommy. The bogyman can only come out on Halloween night, right? Right. -Right. And I'm here tonight and I won't let him get to you. -And I'm here tonight and I won't let him get to you. Promise? -Promise? I promise. -I promise. Can we make the Jack-O-Lantern now? -Tommy, stop it! You're scaring Lindsey. I saw him... -I saw him... I said, stop it! There is no bogyman. There's nothing out there. If you don't stop all this, I'm turning off the TV and you go to bed. -Who is it? Tommy, let me in! -Tommy, I want you to go back upstairs... What is it, Laurie? -What is it, Laurie? Be quiet! Get Lindsey and get into the bedroom and lock the door! -Be quiet! Get Lindsey and get into the bedroom and lock the door! I'm scared... -I'm scared... DO WHAT I SAY! NOW! -DO WHAT I SAY! NOW! It's the bogyman, isn't it? -It's the bogyman, isn't it? HURRY! -Now I want you to change your clothes, Tommy. We're going to take a walk outside. Was it the bogyman? -Are you sure? Yes. -Yes. How? -How? I killed him... -I killed him... But you can't kill the bogyman. -Laurie, you come with us... No! Do as I say. -Everybody has a good time tonight. Okay, kids, what do you want to do now? Let's make more popcorn. -Let's make more popcorn. You've had enough. Why don't we just sit down and watch the rest of this movie. -I'm scared! There's nothing to be scared of now. Get changed. -Now, I want you to walk to the door, down the stairs and right out the front door. You're coming with us... -You're coming with us... Listen to me. I want you to walk down the street to the MacKensie's and knock on their door. You tell them to call the police and send them over here. Do you understand? -Hello. Hi, Lindsey, this is Paul. Is Annie there? -Hi, Lindsey, this is Paul. Is Annie there? Yes, she is. -Yes, she is. Will you get her for me? -Will you get her for me? She's washing her clothes. -She's washing her clothes. Well, go tell her it's me, okay? -Well, go tell her it's me, okay? Okay. -I'm not responsible, Sam. Of course not. -Of course not. I've given them his profile. -I've given them his profile. You must have told them we shocked him into a grinning idiot. Two roadblocks and an all-points bulletin wouldn't stop a five-year-old! -He was your patient, Doctor. If the precautions weren't sufficient, you should have notified... I notified everybody! Nobody listened. -I notified everybody! Nobody listened. There's nothing else I can do. -There's nothing else I can do. You can get back on the telephone and tell them exactly what walked out of here last night. And tell them where he's going. -You can get back on the telephone and tell them exactly what walked out of here last night. And tell them where he's going. PROBABLY going. -PROBABLY going. I'm wasting time. -Sam, Haddonfield is a hundred and fifty miles from here. How could he get there? He can't drive. He was doing all right last night. Maybe somebody around here gave him lessons. -...then he gets another physical by the state, and he makes his appearance before the judge. That should take four hours if we're lucky, then we're on our way. What did you use before? -What did you use before? Thorazin. -Thorazin. He'll barely be able to sit up. -He'll barely be able to sit up. That's the idea. Here we are. -The driveway's a few hundred yards up on your right. Are there any special instructions? -Are there any special instructions? Just try to understand what we're dealing with here. Don't underestimate it. -Just try to understand what we're dealing with here. Don't underestimate it. I think we should refer to 'it' as 'him.' -I think we should refer to 'it' as 'him.' If you say so. -If you say so. Your compassion is overwhelming, Doctor. -Ever done anything like this before? Only minimum security. -Only minimum security. I see. -I see. What does that mean? -What does that mean? It means... I see. -It means... I see. You don't have to make this harder than it already is. -You don't have to make this harder than it already is. I couldn't if I tried. -I couldn't if I tried. The only thin that ever bothers me is their jibberish. When they start raving on and on... -The only thin that ever bothers me is their jibberish. When they start raving on and on... You don't have anything to worry about. He hasn't spoken a word in 15 years. -Pull up to the entrance! Shouldn't we pick him up? -Shouldn't we pick him up? Move it! -What did he say? He asked me if I could help him find his purple lawnmower. -He asked me if I could help him find his purple lawnmower. I don't think this is any time to be funny... -I don't think this is any time to be funny... "He said something else. ""It's all right now. He's gone. The evil's gone.""" -...any sister talk? Mm-mm! -Oh, good... Come in, come in. -Come in, come in. ...because there are no interesting single men at this party! -...because there are no interesting single men at this party! Oh, listen... -Hm-mm. Oh, yeah. I met Phil. Mmm? -Mmm? He's the--He looks like Ichabod Crane? -I love that. That's my type. I can't believe it! -We need more bread and some baked lasa-- uh, lasagne. Hi. I know. You're an actress with a great flair for shrimp puffs. -I know. You're an actress with a great flair for shrimp puffs. Uh, no, the shrimp puffs are Holly's. I do the, uh, crêpes caviar. -And the quail is responsible for the quail eggs. Well, let's hope so. -Hi. Oh. -Wha-- What kind of things do you build? Are you really interested? -Are you really interested? Yeah. -You know, April, people pass by vital structures in this city all the time, and they never take the time to appreciate them. I get the feeling you tune in to your environment. Oh-- -What are your favorite buildings, David? You want to see some? -You want to see some? Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. Well, let's do it. -Well, let's do it. Great. -That's just -- Look at this. -Yeah. A lot of works. -Uh, who gets dropped first? Uh -- -Yeah. And then, uh, April...huh? -And then, uh, April...huh? Great. -I know. It's terrible! I mean, I've looked everywhere. -No, really, I really like him a lot. No, really, we mustn't get discouraged. -Hannah will invite some men over who don't look like Ichabod Crane. Mmm. -We're a big hit. Oh, in this we're a big hit. Yesterday I auditioned for Come Back Little Sheba. That, I wasn't such a big hit. -Wow, it's the red one? Oh, it's magnificent! -Oh! Oh, is that what it is? -Oh, is that what it is? Uh-- APRIL I-i-it has an o-organic quality, you know. -Uh-- APRIL I-i-it has an o-organic quality, you know. Right. -Right. It's almost...almost, uhhh, entirely wholly interdependent, if you know what I mean. I-I... I can't put it into words. The important thing is-is-is it-it breathes. -It's French, though. It really is. Yeah. -Yeah. It feels like you're in France. -That's disgusting! ...a monstrosity! Who would do that? -...a monstrosity! Who would do that? It's really terrible. -Well...we have seen a lot of stuff today, though. Yeah. -Oh, geez, yeah. Okay. -Well, I live downtown. Yeah, I, we both live downtown. -Uh... It depends on what way you want to go. -It depends on what way you want to go. Well, wait. You know what? I know. -Well, wait. You know what? I know. Uh... -Uh... If...well, if we took the, if we took Fifth, then-then-then we'd get to your house first, yeah? -Well, sometimes, some, uh... I mean, it's jammed. If we went... um... -I'm telling you, you sounded great. You, uh, you may be surprised. Oh, I'm just glad we have a catering job this week. I'm real low on money. -Oh, I'm just glad we have a catering job this week. I'm real low on money. Yeah, we have Mr. Morris Levine's eightieth birthday party on Riverside Drive...or Riverside Memorial Chapel, depending on his health. -Yeah, we have Mr. Morris Levine's eightieth birthday party on Riverside Drive...or Riverside Memorial Chapel, depending on his health. Oh, uh, listen, David called me up. -Oh, uh, listen, David called me up. What? -What? Uh, David called me last night, and he wants to take me to the opera. I didn't know what to say. -Uh, David called me last night, and he wants to take me to the opera. I didn't know what to say. You're joking. -You're joking. No, he called late last night. -No, he called late last night. I, uh, I'm very surprised. -I, uh, I'm very surprised. He wants to take me to see Rigoletto. -He wants to take me to see Rigoletto. And you, you-you're going? -And you, you-you're going? Well, I-I-I didn't know what to say. First I said no, but then, he pressed it. He said, uh, he'd taken you once and he really wanted to invite me. -Well, I-I-I didn't know what to say. First I said no, but then, he pressed it. He said, uh, he'd taken you once and he really wanted to invite me. But I'm seeing him. -But I'm seeing him. I know. I said that, but... he said it was something he really felt like doing. -I know. I said that, but... he said it was something he really felt like doing. Gee, um... I...I don't know what to say. -Gee, um... I...I don't know what to say. Look, it's just an evening at the opera. Did I, I-I do wrong in accepting? -Oh, that was a wonderful show. I think that's the best show you two ever wrote. No, the funniest show that Mickey and I ever did was the one we won the Emmy for. -Mm-hm. Yeah, it was funny, it was very funny. But the show was about the two Frenchmen, now that was funny and it was warm. -We got that idea on that trip to Paris. Right. -Right. Hmm? -Hmm? Do you remember that summer in France? Hannah, you had jet lag for six straight weeks. -I gave blood before and, uh... clothing to the poor. Okay, Norman, listen, I really want to talk about this at home. I think it's a matter for your analyst...and mine. -Okay, Norman, listen, I really want to talk about this at home. I think it's a matter for your analyst...and mine. And maybe my lawyer. -Excuse me, are there any more claims? Only a few. A few. Do you like 'em? -Only a few. A few. Do you like 'em? I can't resist. -I can't resist. Really? How flattering! Did you try the shrimp puffs? -Really? How flattering! Did you try the shrimp puffs? Listen, you guys are too attractive to be caterers. Something's wrong. -Listen, you guys are too attractive to be caterers. Something's wrong. We're actresses. -We're actresses. Is this your first job? -Is this your first job? Really? Is the food that bad? -Really? Is the food that bad? Oh no. Not at all. -Here, I stole you a couple of extra clams. Ah! HOLLY Now. -You're Holly. Yeah, we're the Stanislavski Catering Company. -Yeah, we're the Stanislavski Catering Company. Now I'm going to tell you the truth. I really came in here because I was bored stiff by the party. -Now I'm going to tell you the truth. I really came in here because I was bored stiff by the party. What makes you think we're more interesting? -We saw, um, Pavarotti, eh, uh, in Ernani at the Met, and I cried... I cry at the opera. -Oh, what, what do you do? I'm an architect. -Yeah. What time do you get off? -Yeah. It's terrific! -The design's deliberately noncontextural. But I wanted to... keep the atmosphere of the street, you know, and the proportions. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. And in the material. That's...that's unpolished red granite. -Oh, it's just so romantic. I just want to put on a long gown... Yes. -Yes. ...and open the French doors and go on the balcony -- -And it's got a handsome partner sitting right beside it. Yeah. -Yeah. They fit right in together. And your eye goes along, lulled into complacency, and then... -It's really sad. And it ruins everything else. -And it ruins everything else. It does. -Yeah. Maybe we should start thinking about going home, huh? -Maybe we should start thinking about going home, huh? Fast. -Oh, gee, I don't know. Um... Well... -We could...we could do that. Right. Yeah, but Fifth is so jammed, isn't it? -Y-you live in Chelsea, don't you? Yes. -Yes. Well, I-I guess if you live in Chelsea, that's probably first. -Well, I-I guess if you live in Chelsea, that's probably first. Oh, okay. -So what's the, uh, problem this time? This time I really think I have something. -So, so, but it was when I was younger, so-- You know, I saw your father this week about his sinus... -You know, I saw your father this week about his sinus... Mm-hm. -Mm-hm. ...and, uh, he complained of chest pains. -...and, uh, he complained of chest pains. Well, this guy's the real hypochondriac of the family. I mean, he's, you know, he's-- -Well, this guy's the real hypochondriac of the family. I mean, he's, you know, he's-- You mentioned on the phone that you'd had some dizziness. -You mentioned on the phone that you'd had some dizziness. Yes, a little dizziness, and I think, I think I'm developing a hearing loss in my right ear ...or my left ear, my, my left...oh, n-n-n-no. No, I'm sorry. It was my right, my right, my right or my left ear. -Now I ca-can't remember. Let's take a look. -Well, I'm sorry to say you have had a significant drop in the high- decibel range of your right ear. Really?! -Have you been exposed to a loud noise recently, or did you have a virus? No, I-I've been perfectly healthy. You know me. -I always, I-I always imagine that I have things. When did you first notice this? -When did you first notice this? Oh, uh, about a month ago. Wha- what do I have? -You've had some dizzy spells. What about ringing and buzzing? Have you, uh, noticed any of that? Yes, now-now that you mention it, uh, I-I-I have, uh, buzzing and also ringing. Ringing and buzzing. Um, am I going deaf, or something? -Yes, now-now that you mention it, uh, I-I-I have, uh, buzzing and also ringing. Ringing and buzzing. Um, am I going deaf, or something? And it's just in one ear? -And it's just in one ear? Yes, is it, is it, uh, healthier to have problems in both ears? -What I'd like to do, is to make an appointment for you at the hospital. I'd like to have them run some tests. The hospital? What kind of tests? -Now, don't get alarmed. These are just more sophisticated audiometry tests than I can run here. I mean, it's, it's nothing. Well, if it's nothing, then why do I have to go into the hospital at all? I mean, uh, I hear perfectly fine, so I'm, so I'm a little weak on the, on the high decibels. So I, you know, I won't go to the opera. -Well, if it's nothing, then why do I have to go into the hospital at all? I mean, uh, I hear perfectly fine, so I'm, so I'm a little weak on the, on the high decibels. So I, you know, I won't go to the opera. You know, there's no reason for panic. I just want to rule out some things. -You know, there's no reason for panic. I just want to rule out some things. Like what? -Like what? It's nothing. Will you trust me? -Dusty's just bought a huge house in Southampton and he's in the process of decorating it. Yeah. It's kind of a weird place, actually. A lotta wall space. -How ya doin', man? I told him about your work, and he's very excited. -I told him about your work, and he's very excited. Yeah, I got an Andy Warhol. And I got a Frank Stella, too. Oh, it's very beautiful. Big, weird...you know. If you stare at that Stella too long, the colors just seem to float. It's kinda weird. -What a weirdo that guy is! Paranoid. What's the matter with you? Look I-I-I'll be okay. I'll be okay. -Look I-I-I'll be okay. I'll be okay. It's not that big a deal. We just didn't hit it off. -It's not that big a deal. We just didn't hit it off. Now, look, you-you-you go on ahead. -Now, look, you-you-you go on ahead. Are you okay? You look-- You're sweatin'. ELLIOT Yeah. Yeah, I just-just need so- some-some fresh air. It's probably something I ate. I'll-I'll walk. You go ahead. -Hi, Dusty. Hi. -Are you excited about becoming a collector? DUSTY Yeah. Yeah? -Yeah? I got a lot more to learn, though. I really wasn't into art when I was a kid. -I got a lot more to learn, though. I really wasn't into art when I was a kid. Uh-huh. -Frederick's done this whole new series that I'm sure you would really love. Well, are...are they big? -Well, are...are they big? Yeah. Some of them...yeah, some of them are very big. -Yeah. Some of them...yeah, some of them are very big. 'Cause I got a lot of wall space there. -You-- Standards and Practices? Ed Smythe, yes. -Ed Smythe, yes. Okay. Why, all of a sudden, is the sketch dirty? -Child molestation is a touchy subject... Could you-- -Could you-- ...with the affiliates. -...with the affiliates. Read the papers! Half the country's doing it! -Read the papers! Half the country's doing it! Yes, but you name names. -Yes, but you name names. We nev-- We don't name names! We say the Pope. -We-- ...cannot go on the air. -Oh, you know, I, I love that book you lent me. The Easter Parade? You were right. It had very special meaning for me. How's Frederick? He didn't come. -Oh, well, you know Frederick. One of his moods. Although it wasn't a bad week. He uh, sold a picture. Oh, great. -Really? So, so, what else? Wh- what are you up to? Oh, I don't know. My unemployment checks are running out. Um, I was thinking of taking some courses at Columbia with the last of my savings. -Like, uh...? I don't know exactly. -Yeah. ...ex-husband on the street the other day. -Oh, my goodness! Oh, Elliot! -Oh, Elliot! Hi. -Hi. What are you doing here? -What are you doing here? Well, I'm-I'm looking for a bookstore. -Well, I'm-I'm looking for a bookstore. Oh, what, in this section of town? -Oh, what, in this section of town? Yes. Yeah, I-I'm kill-- -Yes. Yeah, I-I'm kill-- You're out looking here? -You're out looking here? Well, yes, I'm killing time. I have a client near here and I...I'm quite early. -Well, yes, I'm killing time. I have a client near here and I...I'm quite early. Ohhhh! -Ohhhh! How about you? -How about you? Oh. Well, I live-- -Oh. Well, I live-- Oh, yes! You live near here, don't you? -Oh, yes! You live near here, don't you? Yes, I do. -Yes, I do. Where are you headed? -Where are you headed? Oh, I was just going to my AA meeting. ELLIOT Oh, my goodness. Well, why do you still go to those? You never tough alcohol. -Well, listen, you didn't know me before Frederick. I'd...I'd start with a beer at about ten in the morning, and...go on. Oh. You must have been, uh, very unhappy. -Oh. You must have been, uh, very unhappy. Yeah, unhappy and fat. And I still find the meetings very comforting, you know. -I'll never understand it. You're so bright and charming and beautiful. Oh, God. -Oh, God. I think to myself what problems could she possibly have? -I think to myself what problems could she possibly have? Don't let me get started on my childhood. Oh, you know what? There is a bookstore. -Don't let me get started on my childhood. Oh, you know what? There is a bookstore. Yes? LEE A couple of blocks from here. If you don't know about it, you should. You'd really love it. -Yes? LEE A couple of blocks from here. If you don't know about it, you should. You'd really love it. Yes? -Yes? Yeah, you would. -Yeah, you would. Well, i-if-if you have some free time... -Well, i-if-if you have some free time... Yeah, sure. -Isn't this great? They have everything here. Yes, it's-it's wonderful. -Yes, it's-it's wonderful. What book did you want to buy? ELLIOT What? Book? -Oh, book? Oh, no, I... I'm killing time. I...I-I just, uh, w-want to browse, uh... Well, you sure picked the right place. I mean, you can stay here all afternoon, not buy anything and just read. -Unless, of course, if-if you had some time, I mean, we could get some coffee. No, I don't have time. -No, no. I-I-I understand completely. No problem. Y-you're busy. I-I-I... You seem tense. Is everything all right? You feel okay? -You seem tense. Is everything all right? You feel okay? No! No... -No! No... No? -No? Uh, yes! -Uh, yes! Yes? -Yes. Everything's okay? -Yeah. How are you? I'm...all right. -I'm...all right. How-how's Frederick? -Fine. Oh, we went to the Caravaggio exhibition at the Met. It's such a treat to go through a museum with Frederick. I mean...you learn so much. Do you like Caravaggio? Oh, yes. Who doesn't? Look! -e.e. cummings. I'd like to get you this. Oh, no, I can't let you get me that. That's too much. -Oh, no, I can't let you get me that. That's too much. Oh, oh, yes. I-I-I-'d like to, uh, uh, very much. -Oh, oh, yes. I-I-I-'d like to, uh, uh, very much. No, I don't think so. -No, I don't think so. I-I read a poem of you and thought of his last week. A poem of his and thought of you last-- You'll be fine, though. Lee walks over to Elliot in the center aisle. She looks at the book. -I-I read a poem of you and thought of his last week. A poem of his and thought of you last-- You'll be fine, though. Lee walks over to Elliot in the center aisle. She looks at the book. Uh, uh, this is great. I mean, I love e.e. cummings, but I can't let you get this. -Uh, uh, this is great. I mean, I love e.e. cummings, but I can't let you get this. Yes, I'd...I-I-I'd love, I'd love to get you this. -Yes, I'd...I-I-I'd love, I'd love to get you this. Well, sure. -Well, sure. And-and maybe, um...maybe we could discuss it sometime. -Well, thanks a lot. Thanks for showing me the bookstore. Perhaps you could, uh, take me to an AA meeting sometime. Uh...uh, I'd love to see what goes on. -Thanks for showing me the bookstore. Perhaps you could, uh, take me to an AA meeting sometime. Uh...uh, I'd love to see what goes on. Well, yeah, yeah. You'd love it. It's really entertaining. You'd have a good time. I know you would. -Well, yeah, yeah. You'd love it. It's really entertaining. You'd have a good time. I know you would. And, uh, d-don't forget the poem on page a hundred and twelve. It reminded me of you. -Page a hundred and twelve. Bye. -Bye. Bye. -How's everything? Oh, you know...I talked to Hannah this morning on the phone, and she said that you two might be going to the country for the weekend. -Oh, you know...I talked to Hannah this morning on the phone, and she said that you two might be going to the country for the weekend. Yeah, she loves to go out in the woods. -Yeah, she loves to go out in the woods. Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. But I go nuts. It's a conflict. -I have to get my teeth cleaned this week. Oh, that's nice. -I figured I'd get, uh, Frederick and Dusty together. Oh, yeah, that's really nice of you. -Oh, yeah, that's really nice of you. Yes. This kid, he's earned a trillion dollars. -Yes. This kid, he's earned a trillion dollars. Oh. -Oh. He's got like six gold records. -He's got like six gold records. Oh, speaking of records...I bought that Mozart Trio you recommended... -Oh, you-you have that one? Yeah. -Yeah. Oh, I would love to hear it. -Oh, and Holly met a wonderful man who loves opera. An architect. Oh, that's nice. I'd love to see her wind up settled. She's a tense one. -Isn't that beautiful? I know this. Bach. F Minor Concerto. It's one of my favorites. -Uh...did you ever get around to e.e. cummings? Yes, he's just adorable. -They have a very large gay clientele, you know, where I get my teeth cleaned, and...all the hygienists now wear gloves because they're afraid of AIDS. Oh, right. -Did you ever get around to the poem on page a hundred and twelve? Yes, it made me cry it was so beautiful...so romantic. -And be ready to make light of the offer if she's unresponsive. This has to be done very skillfully, very diplomatically. Did you ever read this one--? -Elliot! Don't! Lee! Lee! Lee, I'm in love with you. -Oh! What are you doing?! -What are you doing?! I...I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm sorry. I have to talk to you for... There's so much that I want to tell you. -Elliot! I have been in love with you for so long. -I was looking for you. I, I must apologize. I-I'm, I-I'm sorry. I'm so mixed up. -I, I must apologize. I-I'm, I-I'm sorry. I'm so mixed up. Well, how do you expect me to react to such a thing? -Wh--, uh, I know, I know but, I am in love with you. Oh, don't say those words! -Oh, don't say those words! I-I, I'm sorry. I know it's terrible. -I-I, I'm sorry. I know it's terrible. Why, you know the situation. -I know! I-I-I-I, I realize. What do you expect me to say? -What do you expect me to say? Hannah and I are in the last stages. -Hannah and I are in the last stages. Wh-- She's never said anything, and we're very close. She'd tell me such a thing. -Wh-- She's never said anything, and we're very close. She'd tell me such a thing. Wh--, it-it-it-it, it's so sad. She's crazy about me, but somewhere on the, along the line, I've fallen out of love with her. -Wh--, it-it-it-it, it's so sad. She's crazy about me, but somewhere on the, along the line, I've fallen out of love with her. Not because of me, I hope. -Not because of me, I hope. Oh, no, no. Well, yes! I love you. -Oh, no, no. Well, yes! I love you. Oh, I can't be the cause of anything between you and Hannah. I jus-- -Oh, I can't be the cause of anything between you and Hannah. I jus-- Oh, no, no, no. It, uh, it-it-it- it was i-inevitable that Hannah and I part, anyway. -Oh, no, no, no. It, uh, it-it-it- it was i-inevitable that Hannah and I part, anyway. Why? -Why? Tch, w-well, for a million reasons. -Tch, w-well, for a million reasons. But not over me? -But not over me? Tch, no! We were, we were both going in different directions. -Tch, no! We were, we were both going in different directions. Poor Hannah. -Poor Hannah. But-but, but how about you? Do you, do you share any of my feelings? Or is this just an unpleasant embarrassment to you? -But-but, but how about you? Do you, do you share any of my feelings? Or is this just an unpleasant embarrassment to you? I can't say anything! -I can't say anything! W-well, please be candid. I, I-I don't want you to feel bad. -W-well, please be candid. I, I-I don't want you to feel bad. Yes! But I...I have certain feelings for you, but don't make me say anything more, all right? -O-o-o-okay, Lee. Okay, okay. You, you, y-you've said enough. It's my responsibility now. I will work things out. Look, don't do anything on my behalf. I live with Frederick, and Hannah and I are close. -Look, don't do anything on my behalf. I live with Frederick, and Hannah and I are close. Yes, but you, you do care about me. -Yes, but you, you do care about me. Oh, Elliot, please! I can't be a party to this! I'm suddenly wracked with guilt just standing her talking to you on the street! -Your guilt is because you feel the same. Oh, please, I have to go. I have to get my teeth cleaned. -I thought you weren't coming. I almost didn't. -I almost didn't. Lee... uh... -Lee... uh... I didn't sleep all night. -I didn't sleep all night. No, no-no-no, I'm sure. -I-I couldn't think where to invite you without taking risks. I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen till you were living alone. I was so torn when you called. -This is not an easy situation. I know it isn't. -That was just perfect. You've ruined me for anyone else. I don't want anyone else ever to have you. -I don't want anyone else ever to have you. I was so worried I wouldn't compare with Hannah. -I was so worried I wouldn't compare with Hannah. Oh, my God. -You really do have those thoughts, don't you? Oh, all the time. -I know she must be a really passionate person. Yes, she's, she's very warm, but, but it-it's me that wants to be giving to you. I-I-I want to do things for you. Hannah doesn't need me as much. I'm being presumptuous. Not that you need me. -Yes, she's, she's very warm, but, but it-it's me that wants to be giving to you. I-I-I want to do things for you. Hannah doesn't need me as much. I'm being presumptuous. Not that you need me. I want you to take care of me... And I love when you do things to me. -You've been very cold to me tonight. No. -No. Is something wrong? -Is something wrong? Oh, not here. There are too many people around. -It's over, Elliot. I don't know how to make it any clearer. It's over. I can't see you anymore. Uh... I-I-I know. I deserve this. -Uh... I-I-I know. I deserve this. Look, I'm just as much at fault. -Look, I'm just as much at fault. If-if-if you can believe I have such feelings for you! -If-if-if you can believe I have such feelings for you! I've got to be honest with you. I met someone else. I've met someone else. I...I told you I wasn't going to wait forever. -But it hasn't been forever. It's been nearly a year since our first time and you're still married to my sister, which...I now realize is fine because you're probably much more in love with her than you know. -It's been nearly a year since our first time and you're still married to my sister, which...I now realize is fine because you're probably much more in love with her than you know. Yeah, but we-we made so many plans. -Yeah, but we-we made so many plans. Yeah. Uh, well, sure we did. An- an-and in a way you led me on, because I truly believed you were unhappy with Hannah. Otherwise, I would never have let myself be drawn in. I was very weak. So were you. Now I've met someone else. -And you're in love overnight? I care a great deal about him, yes. -I care a great deal about him, yes. Lee... -Lee... Ah, it's over! Elliot, I mean it. It's over! -Mm-hm? Have you tried these? These are wonderful. Holly and her friend made them. -They're fantastic. Aren't they great? -Aren't they great? Your sister is an unbelievable cook. -Your sister is an unbelievable cook. I know! I know! -She has all the cooking talent. No, she doesn't, either. You've got tons as well. -No, she doesn't, either. You've got tons as well. Ohhh, but I've eaten five of these. -Great idea. I know. -I know. That's where your talent lies. -God, Mickey's such a hypochondriac. I wonder how he'd handle it if there was ever anything really wrong with him? Let's go have dinner, shall we? -Let's go have dinner, shall we? Mmm. -You bet. Holly and April, thanks for helping. -Where're you going? I've, uh...gotta find, gotta get a phone number in my desk. I forgot to phone Mel Kaufman. -I've, uh...gotta find, gotta get a phone number in my desk. I forgot to phone Mel Kaufman. It's so late. -It's so late. Yeah, I know. I-I can't believe I forgot. -Are you in a bad mood? I don't know. Um...I'm just antsy. -Yes. I know. The last few weeks, you haven't been yourself. And tonight at, tonight at dinner, you, you were kind of curt with me. Was I? -Was I? Yes, you were. A-and when I, when I brought up the idea of having a baby, you just, you jumped down my throat. -Yes, you were. A-and when I, when I brought up the idea of having a baby, you just, you jumped down my throat. Well, I-I don't think it's a very good idea. -Well, I-I don't think it's a very good idea. Why not? -Why not? Because it's the last thing in the world we need right now. -Because it's the last thing in the world we need right now. Why do you say that? Is there something wrong? -Why do you say that? Is there something wrong? I don't know. -I don't know. Well, tell me. Should I be worried? -Well, tell me. Should I be worried? But, you got four children! -But, you got four children! I want one with you. -I want one with you. Well...I-I think we should wait till things settle. -Well...I-I think we should wait till things settle. But what do, what do you-- what's that mean? W-w-we've been, we've been married for four years. How settled can things get? -But what do, what do you-- what's that mean? W-w-we've been, we've been married for four years. How settled can things get? You know, y-you have some very set plans on how your life should be structured. A-a house, uh, kids, certain schools, a h--, a home in Connecticut. I-it's all very...preconceived. -You know, y-you have some very set plans on how your life should be structured. A-a house, uh, kids, certain schools, a h--, a home in Connecticut. I-it's all very...preconceived. Yeah, but I...uh--I thought you needed that. When-when-when we met, you said your life was chaos. -Yeah, but I...uh--I thought you needed that. When-when-when we met, you said your life was chaos. I-I-I know, but there's got to be some give and take. -Oh, let's not--I, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Are you angry with me? -Are you angry with me? No! -No! Do you feel, um...are you disenchanted with our marriage? -Do you feel, um...are you disenchanted with our marriage? I didn't say that. -I didn't say that. Are you in love with someone else? -Are you in love with someone else? My God! Wha-what is this? The Gestapo? No. -Well, what? What, wh-what are you not telling me? What kind of interrogation... Su- supposing I said yes? I-I-I am disenchanted. I am in love with someone else. -What kind of interrogation... Su- supposing I said yes? I-I-I am disenchanted. I am in love with someone else. Are you? -Are you? No! But you keep asking these, these awful questions. My God, it's-it's like you want me to say yes! -No! But you keep asking these, these awful questions. My God, it's-it's like you want me to say yes! What, you, of c-- What are you talking about? Of course not. I'd be destroyed! -Have you been talking to Holly or Lee about us? About our-our personal life? Me? Of course not. HANNAH There's things Holly wrote about in her script about us that are so...personal they could only have come from you. -I'm not accusing. I'm asking. Do you...do you find me too...too giving? Too-too-too competent? Too-too, I don't know, disgustingly perfect or something? No. -Well, what is it then? What? Eh, what's come between us? How have I alienated you? Hannah, my head is throbbing. HANNAH You never want to talk about it. I-- Every time I bring it up, you- you change the subject. What is it? Do you-- We're communicating less and less. You sleep with me less and less. -Do you talk to Holly or Lee behind my back? Do you? You must. They- they seem to know so much about us. Well, maybe I've asked advice once or twice or-or made a joke. -Well, what do you do? Do-do-do you talk to Holly, or Lee, or what? Do you, do you, do you phone them? Leave me alone, can you?! -You matter to me. Completely. It's hard to be around someone who gives so much and-and needs so little in return! -It's so pitch-black tonight. I feel lost. You're not lost. -...this is a toast! This is a toast. Get his wine away. -Get his wine away. This is a toast. You know this beautiful Thanksgiving dinner was all... -I am... I did slave all day. And we drink to her, and we all congratulate her on her wonderful accomplishment during this last year...her great success in A Doll's House! -I don't know about that. Oh, no, I just, see, I-I've been very, very lucky. W-when I had the kids, I decided to stop working and just, you know, devote myself to having the family, and I've been very, very happy but...I've always secretly hoped that maybe some little gem would come along and tempt me back on the stage... Yeah. -Yeah. ...just for a second. So, now I got that out of my system and I can go back to the thing that makes me happiest. -Hi. How's she doing? I am glad to see you. -Don't make it worse, Dad. Always. -Hi, Mom. How you doing? Here, let me get you some coffee. That's enough of that. What triggered it? We were making a commercial down at the mayor's office, and there was this young, good-looking salesman... -I want ice! Who's got some-- Oh, there it is. It's on the table, Dad. -Oh, Mom! Oh, honey! -I don't understand. I thought that you would be happy. How can we be happy? -Well, because I never thought of God in my life. Now I'm giving it serious thought. But Catholicism? Why not your own people? -But Catholicism? Why not your own people? Because I got off to a wrong foot with my own thing, you know. B-b- b-but I need a dramatic change in my life. FATHER You're gonna believe in Jesus Christ? -Because I got off to a wrong foot with my own thing, you know. B-b- b-but I need a dramatic change in my life. FATHER You're gonna believe in Jesus Christ? I know it sounds funny, but I'm gonna try. -I know it sounds funny, but I'm gonna try. But why? We raised you as a Jew. -But why? We raised you as a Jew. So, just 'cause I was born that way... You know, I'm old enough to make a mature decision. -Why should I be afraid? Oh! 'Cause you won't exist! -Oh! 'Cause you won't exist! So? -So? That thought doesn't terrify you? -Who thinks about such nonsense? Now I'm alive. When I'm dead, I'll be dead. I don't understand. Aren't you frightened? -I don't understand. Aren't you frightened? Of what? I'll be unconscious. -Of what? I'll be unconscious. Yeah, I know. But never to exist again! -Yeah, I know. But never to exist again! How do you know? -How do you know? Well, it certainly doesn't look promising. -I'll either be unconscious or I won't. If not, I'll deal with it then. I'm not gonna worry now about what's gonna be when I'm unconscious. Mom, come out! -Want some coffee or tea? No, thank you. -How about something to eat? No, nothing. -Are you sure? Absolutely. -Absolutely. Mmm, what am I gonna do with you? -God! And why didn't you come tonight? We all had a terrific time. I really think you would have enjoyed yourself. I'm going through a period of my life where I just can't be around people. I didn't want to wind up abusing anyone. -I'm going through a period of my life where I just can't be around people. I didn't want to wind up abusing anyone. You're not going to abuse them. They're all so sweet. -You're not going to abuse them. They're all so sweet. Lee... you are the only person I can be with...who I really look forward to being with. -Isn't it enough that I can love you? Mmm... -Mmm... Hmm? -Hmm? ...you're such a puzzle. So sweet with me and so...contemptuous of everyone else. -Well, there was a time when you were very happy to be only with me. You wanted to learn everything about poetry, about music. Mm-hm. -Mm-hm. Have I really taught you everything I have to give? I don't think so. -Mmm you never know. They might. He's just trying to do the nice thing. Because he likes you. -Because he likes you. Me? -Me? Yeah. -Elliot lusts after you. Based on what? You never even see him. -...or films you must see or... Oh, no, no, no. He's my sister's husband. And I think if you gave him half a chance, you'd like him. He's very intelligent. -Big. Frederick, show him the oils. They're in the basement. -I don't sell my work by the yard! Oh, Frederick! -What's the problem? I'm not interested in what your interior decorator would think, okay?! -Lucy and I kept talking, and I didn't realize how late it had gotten. You missed a very dull TV show about Auschwitz. More gruesome film clips...and more puzzled intellectuals declaring their mystification over the systematic murder of millions. -You know, you've been very nervous lately. I can't take this anymore. -I can't take this anymore. I'm just trying to complete an education I started on you five years ago. -I'm just trying to complete an education I started on you five years ago. I'm not your pupil. I was, but I'm not. -I'm not your pupil. I was, but I'm not. When you leave the nest, I just want you to be ready to face the real world. -Like what? Oh, you know what. I'm suffocating! -Oh, you know what. I'm suffocating! Oh! Are we going to have this conversation again? -Oh! Are we going to have this conversation again? Yes, we're going to have this conversation again. I...I have to leave. I have to move out. -Yes, we're going to have this conversation again. I...I have to leave. I have to move out. Why? -Why? Because I have to! -Because I have to! What are you going to use for money?! -What are you going to use for money?! I don't know. I thought, maybe I'd move in with my parents for a while. -I don't know. I thought, maybe I'd move in with my parents for a while. Tch, oh. I always told you you would leave me. But...does it have to be now? -Tch, oh. I always told you you would leave me. But...does it have to be now? Well, maybe it'll only be temporary, but I ha--I have to try. -Well, maybe it'll only be temporary, but I ha--I have to try. Oh...Lee, you are my whole world. Good God! Have you been kissed tonight?! -Oh...Lee, you are my whole world. Good God! Have you been kissed tonight?! No. -No. Oh, yes, you have! -Oh, yes, you have! No. -No. You've been with someone! -You've been with someone! Stop accusing me! -Oh, Christ! What's wrong with you?! I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Oh, couldn't you say something? You have to slither around behind my back! -Oh, couldn't you say something? You have to slither around behind my back! I'm saying it now! -I'm saying it now! So you met somebody else? -So you met somebody else? Yeah. -But you, God, you knew that was going to happen sooner or later. I can't live like this! Who is it? -Who is it? What's the difference?! It's just somebody I met! -What's the difference?! It's just somebody I met! But who? Where did you meet him? -But who? Where did you meet him? It doesn't make a difference! I have to move out! -It doesn't make a difference! I have to move out! You are, you are my only connection to the world! -Oh, God, that's too much responsibility for me. It's not fair! I want a less complicated life, Frederick. I want a husband, maybe even a child before it's too late. Jesus...Jesus! -Jesus...Jesus! Oh, God, I don't even know what I want. -Oh, God, I don't even know what I want. Oh... -Oh... Tch, oh, what do you get out of me, anyway? I mean... it's not sexual anymore. It's certainly not intellectual. I mean, you're so superior to me in every way that-- -Mickey, Mickey, listen, listen. You know... -In-in-in-instead of the child molestation sketch, why don't we repeat the Cardinal Spellman Ronald Reagan homosexual dance number? No-- -Look at this guy. Yeah? -Oh, Jesus! Ron...Ronny, you know you do have to go on in twenty-five minutes. -N-n-no, not that. Hello? -Hello? Like-- -You don't have a brain tumor. He didn't say you had a brain tumor. MICKEY No, naturally they're not gonna tell you, because, well, you know, th--, sometimes the weaker ones will panic if you tell 'em. But not you. -But not you. Oh, God! Do you hear a buzzing? Is there a buzzing? -Mickey, come on, we got a show to do! I can't keep my mind on the show. -I can't keep my mind on the show. But there's nothing wrong with you. -But there's nothing wrong with you. If there's nothing wrong with me then why does he want me to come back for tests?! -If there's nothing wrong with me then why does he want me to come back for tests?! Well, he has to rule out certain things. -Well, he has to rule out certain things. Like what?! What? -Like what?! What? I don't know. Cancer, I-- -I don't know. Cancer, I-- Don't say that! I don't want to hear that word! Don't mention that while I'm in the building. -Don't say that! I don't want to hear that word! Don't mention that while I'm in the building. But you don't have any symptoms! -But you don't have any symptoms! You--I got the classic symptoms of a brain tumor! -Two months ago, you thought you had a malignant melanoma. Naturally, I, I--Do you know I--The sudden appearance of a black spot on my back! -Naturally, I, I--Do you know I--The sudden appearance of a black spot on my back! It was on your shirt! -It was on your shirt! I--How was I to know?! Everyone was pointing back here. -Eh, you were miserable this morning! We got bad reviews, terrible ratings, the sponsors are furious... No, I was happy, but I just didn't realize I was happy. -Do you realize what a thread we're all hanging by? Mickey, you're off the hook. You should be celebrating. -Mickey, you're off the hook. You should be celebrating. Can you understand how meaningless everything is? Everything! I'm talking about nnnn--our lives, the show...the whole world, it's meaningless. -Can you understand how meaningless everything is? Everything! I'm talking about nnnn--our lives, the show...the whole world, it's meaningless. Yeah...but you're not dying! -Yeah...but you're not dying! No, I'm not dying now, but, but you know, when I ran out of the hospital, I, I was so thrilled because they told me I was going to be all right. And I'm running down the street, and suddenly I stop, 'cause it hit me, all right, so, you know, I'm not going to go today. I'm okay. I'm not going to go tomorrow. But eventually, I'm going to be in that position. -You're just realizing this now? Well, I don't realize it now, I know it all the time, but, but I managed to stick it in the back of my mind... -Yeah. What? Can I tell you something? Can I tell you a secret? -Can I tell you something? Can I tell you a secret? Yes, please. -Yes, please. A week ago, I bought a rifle. -A week ago, I bought a rifle. No. -No. I went into a store, I bought a rifle. I was gonna... You know, if they told me that I had a tumor, I was going to kill myself. The only thing that mighta stopped me, might've, is my parents would be devastated. I would, I woulda had to shoot them, also, first. And then, I have an aunt and uncle, I would have... You know, it would have been a bloodbath. -I went into a store, I bought a rifle. I was gonna... You know, if they told me that I had a tumor, I was going to kill myself. The only thing that mighta stopped me, might've, is my parents would be devastated. I would, I woulda had to shoot them, also, first. And then, I have an aunt and uncle, I would have... You know, it would have been a bloodbath. Tch, well, you know, eventually it, it is going to happen to all of us. -Tch, well, you know, eventually it, it is going to happen to all of us. Yes, but doesn't that ruin everything for you? That makes everything... -...you know it, it just takes the pleasure out of everything. I mean, you're gonna die, I'm gonna die, the audience is gonna die, the network's gonna-- The sponsor. Everything! I know, I know, and your hamster. -I know, I know, and your hamster. Yes! -Yes! Listen, kid, I think you snapped your cap. -Maybe you need a few weeks in Bermuda, or something. Or go to a whorehouse! No? I can't stay on this show. I gotta get some answers. Otherwise I'm telling you, I'm going to do something drastic. -Aah... Hey, have you tried Holly and her friend's shrimp puffs? I think they're fantastic. -I think they're fantastic. You've outdone yourself. -Oh, I don-- Ask Elliot for that. Uh, he's got them somewhere. Okay. -Oh, great. You look so beautiful. -You look so beautiful. Come on. -Come on. Doesn't she look pretty? -Doesn't she look pretty? I bumped into your... -Oh, yeah? He was, he's just as crazy as ever. He was on his way to get a blood test. -Hi. Where's Holly? Hi. She's auditioning for a television commercial. She said she's gonna be a little late. -Hi. She's auditioning for a television commercial. She said she's gonna be a little late. Oh, yeah? How's she doing? -I hope you tell her it was your idea... Why? -Why? ...'cause every time I try to be helpful, you know, sh-she gets so defensive. -...'cause every time I try to be helpful, you know, sh-she gets so defensive. Oh, Hannah, she's-she's just embarrassed in front of you, that's all. -So how are you? Oh, me, I'm okay. -Oh, me, I'm okay. Do you miss Frederick? -Do you miss Frederick? No. -No. I can't believe Elliot and I can't think of someone nice for you to go out with, you know-- -I can't believe Elliot and I can't think of someone nice for you to go out with, you know-- How are you? -How are you? I'm okay. -I'm okay. You know, how's everything? You doing okay? How's Frederick? I mean, Elliot. -You know, how's everything? You doing okay? How's Frederick? I mean, Elliot. Y-yeah. -Oh, he's fine. He's-he's, I guess he's fine. I don't know. He's been kinda moody lately, the last few months. Really? -Really? Yeah. I-I don't know what's wrong with him. He's just...kind of distant and difficult. -Yeah. I-I don't know what's wrong with him. He's just...kind of distant and difficult. Oh... -Oh... I've been trying to talk to him about it. He says everything's fine, but I don't know. Automatically, you know, I leap to the worst conclusions. -I've been trying to talk to him about it. He says everything's fine, but I don't know. Automatically, you know, I leap to the worst conclusions. Like what? -I mean, I don't know, he's seeing someone else or something, but... Oh, no! I mean, everyone thinks things like that. -What do--? You're being ridiculous. You are, Holly. Stop it. -Oh, will you stop attacking Hannah?! Oh, now-- -Oh, now-- She's going through a really rough time right now. -What's the matter? What's the matter with you? You look pale. You okay? I'm-I'm okay. Yeah, I-I-I, you know, I...I'm just, um, I got dizzy all of a sudden. I'm-I'm...I have a headache. -I'm-I'm okay. Yeah, I-I-I, you know, I...I'm just, um, I got dizzy all of a sudden. I'm-I'm...I have a headache. Yeah? -Yeah? I think we need to eat. -Hey, Hannah, did you read that last thing Holly wrote? It was great. She's really developed. I know, she...she really writes good dialogue. -I know, she...she really writes good dialogue. Yeah. I'll get some ice. -Hi! Hi! I know...I know. -I know...I know. Glad you could put in an appearance. -Glad you could put in an appearance. I got two minutes. -I got two minutes. Very good. -I gotta see new comedians later, I've gotta-- Two minutes on your sons' birthday. You know, it's not going to kill you. -Yeah, aren't you like, you know... Huh? -Huh? ...a little, uh, hey! A little hug! What is this? Now how 'bout a little action from the kids? -How is everything? Everything's good. Everything's fine. -Everything's good. Everything's fine. Yeah? Yeah? Okay, kids, you can open the presents now. -Yeah? Yeah? Okay, kids, you can open the presents now. Here, you guys. Open them up. -Let me get a little reaction here. How's Elliot? He's fine. -He's fine. Yeah? -Yeah? Oh, you know what? I'm trying to convince him to produce a play. -Oh, you know what? I'm trying to convince him to produce a play. Oh! -Oh! I think he'll find that satisfying. -I think he'll find that satisfying. Really? That'll be terrific for him, I think. -Really? That'll be terrific for him, I think. I think so. -I think so. I like him. I think he's a sweet guy. -I like him. I think he's a sweet guy. Yeah. -Yeah. The few times that I've met him... Isn't that a great mitt? -Ohh! H-he's so awkward and he's clumsy like me... -H-he's so awkward and he's clumsy like me... I know, I know. -I know, I know. ...so I, so I like that. I always like an underconfident person... -...so I, so I like that. I always like an underconfident person... That's really nice! -That's really nice! ...you know? I, uh... -...you know? I, uh... You know, he's been wanting a mitt. -You've always had good taste in husbands, so... Thanks, thanks. -Thanks, thanks. Mh-hm. -Mh-hm. That's a beauty! -That's a beauty! Isn't that great? -Isn't that great? Oh! -Oh! Go right over there. -Go right over there. Football! -Come on! Hurry up! Let's go! Wow! -Wow! Go out, go out by the Sung vase and, and catch this. -Gee. Is there no chance? -This is the second opinion. Well, then a third opinion. -I'm so humiliated. I don't know what to say. I mean-- Could you have ruined yourself somehow? -Could you have ruined yourself somehow? How could I ruin myself? What do you mean, ruin myself? -How could I ruin myself? What do you mean, ruin myself? I don't know. Excessive masturbation? -I don't know. Excessive masturbation? Hey, you gonna start knocking my hobbies? Jesus! -Maybe, maybe we can adopt a child. He said you could adopt one-- Well, what about artificial insemination? -Well, what about artificial insemination? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? You know, where I-I-I would get implanted from a-a donor. -You know, where I-I-I would get implanted from a-a donor. What, by a st-stranger? -Yeah, they have these banks, you know, where they keep them frozen. Fro--? You want a-a defrosted kid? Is that your idea? -Fro--? You want a-a defrosted kid? Is that your idea? I want to experience childbirth. -I want to experience childbirth. With a, with a stranger? With a-- -With a, with a stranger? With a-- Just think about it. That's all I ask. -Hannah and I...can't have any children. Now I-I-I don't want to get into whose fault it-- It's my fault that we can't and- and-and the details are too embarrassing to-- W-w-we-we've decided after a lot of discussion that we-we'd try with artificial insemination. -Um, I-I didn't really want to, you know, go to a sperm bank or something, have some anonymous donor. I-I just, you know, I-I-I wouldn't want that. Right. We felt that if we were gonna do it, that we would like somebody who we knew and who we liked and who was warm and bright and... -Hey! ...from Mavis, also. -Here, Mom. Drink this. You know, you're awful. You probably were flirting. No! I like to joke around and have fun, and he gets angry because I get the attention. He's gotten sourer as he's gotten older, and I've tried to stay young...at heart. -No! I like to joke around and have fun, and he gets angry because I get the attention. He's gotten sourer as he's gotten older, and I've tried to stay young...at heart. You promised to stay on the wagon. -You promised to stay on the wagon. The sacrifices I've made because of that man. He's ruined me with his ego, his philandering, his-- his-his-his-his mediocrity! -The sacrifices I've made because of that man. He's ruined me with his ego, his philandering, his-- his-his-his-his mediocrity! Okay, stop being so dramatic. -Okay, stop being so dramatic. He's the one that's made every ingenue in stock! -He's the one that's made every ingenue in stock! Okay, okay. -Okay, okay. Th-th-they, they wanted me for a screen test. -Th-th-they, they wanted me for a screen test. Yeah, I know, Mom. NORMA But I, I knew that he'd get up there and he'd flounder around with his expensive haircuts and hairdos and clothes. He's all show! Now how can you act when there's nothing inside to come out?! -I just had a lot of luck...from my first show, you know? I've always thought Lee was the one destined for great things. Yes, she's lovely, but she doesn't have your spark. She knows it. She worships you. She wouldn't dare get up there on the stage. -Yes, she's lovely, but she doesn't have your spark. She knows it. She worships you. She wouldn't dare get up there on the stage. Now, Holly's not shy. -No, Holly's game for anything. Holly takes after me. True. -True. I'd have been a great dope addict. -What? You're kidding! No, no, we decided! -Perfect! Mmm...I mean, we love to cook for our friends, so we thought until an acting job comes through, we could just make some extra money, you know, doing a few private parties. -Get outta here. Could I speak to you privately? Oh, sure. -Hannah, I have to borrow some more money. Don't get upset. Mmm, I never get upset over that. Mmm? -Mmm, I never get upset over that. Mmm? This is the last time, I promise. And I'm keeping strict accounts. -Holly, please. Don't insult me. Someday, I'll pay it all back. -Someday, I'll pay it all back. I know. H-how much do you need? -I know. H-how much do you need? Two thousand dollars. -Uh-huh. Hannah, I know it's a lot, but my friend April and I, we have this catering idea I think's going to be great. -You admit that we're great cooks, right? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, in order to get started, there's just a few things I have to buy... and some old debts I have outstanding. -Well, in order to get started, there's just a few things I have to buy... and some old debts I have outstanding. Will you just tell me one thing? -Will you just tell me one thing? Okay. -Okay. Are we talking about cocaine again? -Are we talking about cocaine again? I swear. I swear. We've already got some requests to do a few dinner parties. -Ohh? Uh-oh. -Doesn't she look great in that new dress? Yeah. -Don't you think she does? She really does, though. -Maybe when she's eighty, she'll stop straightening her garter belt when there's a guy around. I should get a garter belt. -Frederick didn't come with her. When does Frederick ever come with her? -When does Frederick ever come with her? Tch. He's such an angry...he's such a depressive. I thought she was moving out! -Watch out, you guys. Beep-beep! Oh, your kids are so adorable. -Oh, Hannah! It's, uh, you never know-- -It's, uh, you never know-- He's such a loser! -He's such a loser! He's not a loser at all! -He's not a loser at all! Oh, he's such a loser! -Oh, he's such a loser! He's the headmaster of Daisy's school. -He's the headmaster of Daisy's school. Oh, perfect! He reminds me of Ichabod Crane. His Adam's apple keeps jumping up and down whenever he gets excited. HANNAH Listen. He's a lot better than your ex-husband. He's got a good job. Would you light those, please? He's-he's-he's not a dope addict or anything. -Not this Thanksgiving, you know. Here. Be careful with those. -Here. Be careful with those. Maybe at Christmas, New Year's. If not this New Year's, maybe next New Year's. -Ouch! Oh! -You know, I just want to look so good, but I don't want to seem, you know, like I'm overdressed. You know what I'm saying? HANNAH Oh, no, not at all. Well, how about this? -Well, how about this? Well, I, I really like that. I think that's a pretty color on you. -Well, I, I really like that. I think that's a pretty color on you. Oh, yeah. -He's married... Oh-oh. HOLLY ...and his wife's, uh, in and out of institutions. She's schizophrenic. -Sometimes she's terrific... Oooo. -Oooo. ...and then she just breaks down. And he has this sweet daughter...and when she goes to college next year, he's going to split permanently. I mean... -...and then she just breaks down. And he has this sweet daughter...and when she goes to college next year, he's going to split permanently. I mean... Oh? -Oh? ...he's really paid his dues, but...then she helped put him through architecture school, you know, so... -You found all this, all this out on one date? Well, I think he was dying to open up. It's so sad. Now...what should I wear to my audition? -I've got a singing audition for a Broadway musical. Of course, I'll never get it. Singing? -Singing? Yeah, can you believe it? -Yeah, can you believe it? Really? -Really? Well, I mean, why not? You know, wh-what have I got to lose? Uh... -Well, I mean, why not? You know, wh-what have I got to lose? Uh... Well, no...I-I know, I just, uh... No, I-I, eh, you know, I, I didn't, I didn't know you sung. -Well, you think everybody in m- musicals sings so well? No! No, I, eh, it's just that they sing. -Ohh! You know. -You know. I know, no-- I know. -I know, no-- I know. I mean, y-you know, don't say it that way, you know, because my confidence is not my strong point, I-- -I mean, y-you know, don't say it that way, you know, because my confidence is not my strong point, I-- No, I'm sorry. No, I didn't mean that. No, I didn't mean that. -Uh, you know, I think I can fake my way through a song. Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Easily. -W-why? You don't think it's realistic? No, I didn't, I, that's no. No, I- I-I, no, I-I just... hate to see you put yourself in a position where, where you get hurt, you know. You know, you know how you take... -No, I didn't, I, that's no. No, I- I-I, no, I-I just... hate to see you put yourself in a position where, where you get hurt, you know. You know, you know how you take... Yeah. -...every, eh, single rejection as- as-as a...a confirmation that you have no talent, or something? Yeah. Well, maybe I'll get it. -Yeah. Well, maybe I'll get it. I hope. -Boy, you really know how to cut me down. What? You don't, don't be so sensitive. Can't I say anything? -What? You don't, don't be so sensitive. Can't I say anything? Tch, well, I sing! For Chrissake, Hannah, you heard me sing! -Nobody but you can do that to me. I don't know why. Look, everything's going your way. -Hey, hi! Well, I just came from an audition... -Awwww... So what's new? -Boy-- They said I was too offbeat looking, whatever the hell that means. -They said I was too offbeat looking, whatever the hell that means. Oh, what do they know? -Oh, gosh. You got it. -Oh, God... Yeah, although it's put an end to the Stanislavski Catering Company. Which is why I have to speak to you. And... you're gonna get impatient, but...I have to borrow some more money. -Well, that...th-that's fine. But what I decided to do is some writing. Yeah, I think I've had it with acting. You know, these meaningless auditions at cattle calls. And I can't handle another rejection. Now let's face it here. I gotta, you know, latch on to something in my life. You know--something with a future. I'm not sixteen anymore. It's just...crazy! I've got...an idea for a story. More than one. And I just need a few months, you know, or, uh, a year even. -Well, that-that's good. It just, uh...it just seems to me that-that six months or a year, if-if you spent it more productively... Well-well, like what? -Well, I don't know. We'd uh, uh, um... Didn't Mom mention there was something...something at the Museum of Broadcasting? Yeah, that's clerical. -Yeah, that's clerical. No. She, didn't she say it was, um...she said it was in the publicity department. That-that can lead to other things. -Boy, I knew you'd be discouraging. "I'm not! I'm not! I'm trying to be helpful. A person doesn't just say one day, ""Okay, now-now I'm finished as an actress. Now I'm a writer."" I mean--" -"I'm not! I'm not! I'm trying to be helpful. A person doesn't just say one day, ""Okay, now-now I'm finished as an actress. Now I'm a writer."" I mean--" Yeah, you mean not at my age. -You treat me like a loser. How? -How? You never have any faith in my plans. You always undercut my enthusiasm. -Not so! No. I think I've been very supportive. I've...I try to give you honest, constructive advice. Hmm! -Hmm! I'm-I'm always happy to help you financially. I think I've gone out of my way to-to introduce you to interesting single men. There's nothing I would-- -I'm-I'm always happy to help you financially. I think I've gone out of my way to-to introduce you to interesting single men. There's nothing I would-- Uh, losers! All losers! -Uh, losers! All losers! You're too demanding. -You're too demanding. You know, I could always tell what you thought of me by the type of men you fixed me up with! -You're crazy! That's not true. Hey, Hannah, I know I'm mediocre. -What's the matter with you, Lee? Why are you so sensitive all of a sudden? Look. Listen. Listen. You want to write? Write. -Look. Listen. Listen. You want to write? Write. What's the matter? -What's the matter? Write! Let's just not talk about it anymore. -Write! Let's just not talk about it anymore. Good. -Good. Take...take a year. Take six months. Whatever you want. Who knows? Maybe you'll, maybe you'll be sitting with a good play. -Hey, what's the matter? I'm real upset about what you wrote. -My script? It's obviously based on Elliot and me. -It's obviously based on Elliot and me. Oh, so loosely. -Oh, so loosely. "No, not ""Oh, so loosely""! Real specifically! Is that how you see us?" -"No, not ""Oh, so loosely""! Real specifically! Is that how you see us?" Well-- -Well-- Can I, can I not accept gestures and feelings from people? Do I, do I put people off? -Wow, I guess I hit a nerve. You make it sound like, you know, I have no needs or something. You think I'm too self-sufficient? -You make it sound like, you know, I have no needs or something. You think I'm too self-sufficient? "Now, Hannah, that's not what I meant, you know. Uh, yeah, everybody relies on you for so much. ""You're so giving. It's not a criticism. We love you. We're grateful.""" -"Now, Hannah, that's not what I meant, you know. Uh, yeah, everybody relies on you for so much. ""You're so giving. It's not a criticism. We love you. We're grateful.""" You're grateful, but you resent me. -You're grateful, but you resent me. Oh, wow! I don't want to have this conversation. I didn't do anything wrong. -Y-you mentioned to me yourself that you and Elliot were having some problems. Yeah, we're having some problems, but problems that are my business...which I don't see how you could know about in such detail. How does Lee know about these things? How? They're private! -Well, why don't you share them with us? I don't...I don't want to bother everyone. -I don't...I don't want to bother everyone. That's the point. I'd like to be bothered. -That's the point. I'd like to be bothered. I don't see how you could know about these things unless Elliot's been talking to you. -I don't see how you could know about these things unless Elliot's been talking to you. No, he hasn't. If I offended you, I'm sorry. -Oh, why are you making those faces? I can't hear you. I can't hear anything. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna lose hearing in my ear! I'm-- -I can't hear you. I can't hear anything. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna lose hearing in my ear! I'm-- Listen, you are witnessing genius! -Listen, you are witnessing genius! I, I, my ears are experiencing a meltdown! I can't hear anything. -I, I, my ears are experiencing a meltdown! I can't hear anything. Look, can't you feel the energy? It's tangible energy! The room's alive with positive vibrations! -Don't, no, please. Will you-- No, don't... You want some? -Come on, Mickey. Come on. But, no, you've been doing that all night! You're gonna...you're gonna burn a hole in your... You're gonna develop a third nostril! Really, don't, please. -Can we, can we go? No! -No! My--uh... -I love songs about extraterrestrial life, don't you? Not when they're sung by extraterrestrials. -Not when they're sung by extraterrestrials. Oh, well, I cannot communicate with you! I, you know, I never realized you were such a tightass. MICKEY I can't understand you. Your sisters, both sisters have such good taste in music. I don't know where you went, went wrong. -Oh, well, I cannot communicate with you! I, you know, I never realized you were such a tightass. MICKEY I can't understand you. Your sisters, both sisters have such good taste in music. I don't know where you went, went wrong. Do you mind? I'm-I'm my own person. -Do you mind? I'm-I'm my own person. Can I take you someplace to hear something nice? -Can I take you someplace to hear something nice? Eh, Mickey, it's getting late. -Eh, Mickey, it's getting late. Now come on, you're be--, 'cause you're being angry at me. -Thanks for a swell time. Well, if you didn't like it, you didn't like it, but you didn't have to talk while the guy was singing. -Well, if you didn't like it, you didn't like it, but you didn't have to talk while the guy was singing. I was so bored! -I was so bored! Yeah, that's tough! You don't deserve Cole Porter. You should stay with those groups that look like they're gonna stab their mother! -Yeah, that's tough! You don't deserve Cole Porter. You should stay with those groups that look like they're gonna stab their mother! At least I'm open to new concepts! -At least I'm open to new concepts! And you don't have to snort cocaine at the table all the time! What do you, what do you do? Carry a kilo around in your purse? -And you don't have to snort cocaine at the table all the time! What do you, what do you do? Carry a kilo around in your purse? This crowd wouldn't know the difference! They're embalmed! -This crowd wouldn't know the difference! They're embalmed! Jesus... I'm glad Hannah got us together. You know, she's got a great instinct for people. Really. -Oh, look, I'm sorry it didn't work out. Yeah. Me, too. -Yeah. Me, too. You know, it's probably my fault. I've been a little depressed lately. -You know, it's probably my fault. I've been a little depressed lately. Right. Yeah. I had a... -Right. Yeah. I had a... God! -God! ...I had a great time tonight, really. It was like the Nuremberg Trials. -Mmm, I don't know if you remember me, but we had the worst night of my life together. I remember you. -I remember you. Yes, you do recall, right? -Yes, you do recall, right? I recall you. -I recall you. I was walking past and I saw you in here... -I was walking past and I saw you in here... Yeah. -Yeah. ...and I thought I'd come in and...and we could replay, uh, the whole, uh... -...and I thought I'd come in and...and we could replay, uh, the whole, uh... We didn't hit it off. -We didn't hit it off. Oh, that's putting it mildly. We did everything but exchange gunshots. -Oh, that's putting it mildly. We did everything but exchange gunshots. How are you? -How are you? Good. How are you? -Good. How are you? I'm fine. -I'm fine. You look wonderful. -You look wonderful. Oh, no. -Oh, no. Yeah, really. You do. You do. -Yeah, really. You do. You do. Yeah? -Yeah? It was a terrible evening. -It was a terrible evening. Yeah, it was. -Yeah, it was. Remember slamming the cab door in my face and.. you know, it came very dangerously close to emasculating my nose in a... -I'd never do that. ...in a really horrible way. -...in a really horrible way. Oh, well, that was a long time ago. -Oh, well, that was a long time ago. You look wonderful. You do. What happened to you? -You look wonderful. You do. What happened to you? People change...you know. -People change...you know. Well, I hope you've changed. -Well, I hope you've changed. Yeah, I hope you have, too. MICKEY I hope so for your sake, because, uh, your personality left something to be desired... -Yeah, I hope you have, too. MICKEY I hope so for your sake, because, uh, your personality left something to be desired... Yeah, and for yours. I'm sure you've changed. -Yeah, and for yours. I'm sure you've changed. ...namely a personality. -So how are you? I'm okay. -I'm okay. You didn't answer my question. What are you doing? -You didn't answer my question. What are you doing? Oh, nothing much. You know... -Oh, nothing much. You know... Well... -Well... ...just some stuff. A little of this, a little of that, that's all. -...just some stuff. A little of this, a little of that, that's all. Yeah? Is that an embarrassing question? Should I have not asked it? -Yeah? Is that an embarrassing question? Should I have not asked it? Probably not. -Probably not. Are you, are you out of work or something? -Are you, are you out of work or something? No, well...I've been trying to write. -No, well...I've been trying to write. Have you? -Have you? Yeah. -Yeah. Well, that's interesting. Wh-what kind of stuff? -Well, that's interesting. Wh-what kind of stuff? Oh...well, you-you're not interested in this. -Oh...well, you-you're not interested in this. No, you can tell me. -No, you can tell me. Come on. -Come on. No, I am. I am. -No, I am. I am. "Oh, no, millions of people come up to you and say, ""Hey, I have something I just wrote,"" right?" -"Oh, no, millions of people come up to you and say, ""Hey, I have something I just wrote,"" right?" Nobody ever said it. -Nobody ever said it. Really? -Really? This is it. Yeah. This is really-- HOLLY Well, wo-would you be willing to-to read it? Something...that I wrote? -This is it. Yeah. This is really-- HOLLY Well, wo-would you be willing to-to read it? Something...that I wrote? Well, yes, I would if, uh, if it would mean anything to you. I don't know why it would. -Well, yes, I would if, uh, if it would mean anything to you. I don't know why it would. No, the reason I ask is-- -No, the reason I ask is-- You've always hated my taste in the past. -You've always hated my taste in the past. No, I haven't. -No, I haven't. You have. -You have. I haven't. No, the reason why I ask is I think it might make a great, uh, television script, and, you know, you're so active in television, so-- -I haven't. No, the reason why I ask is I think it might make a great, uh, television script, and, you know, you're so active in television, so-- I'm not anymore. I haven't, I haven't been in television for a year. -I'm not anymore. I haven't, I haven't been in television for a year. You're kidding me. -You're kidding me. I've done no television whatsoever. No. -I may, I may have to get back into it, 'cause my accountant says that I'm running out of dollars. But...but, um, no, I haven't, I just sort of dropped out for a year... Oh. Oh. -Oh. Oh. ...which is a long, dull story and I won't get into it. But-- -You're okay, though, huh? I'm-- Yes. Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine. How are you? -I'm-- Yes. Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine. How are you? Oh, I'm fine. -Oh, I'm fine. What...what about your script? So what's it about? -What...what about your script? So what's it about? Well, I'd love it if you'd read it, actually, 'cause I really would value your opinion. -Well, I'd love it if you'd read it, actually, 'cause I really would value your opinion. You have to remember, we-we-we didn't agree on one thing. -But you have to remember while you're reading and you're cursing my name, you know, that this is my first script. Well, it's not my first script. Hmm. -Hmm. Actually, my first script was about Hannah and her husband, but, uh... -Actually, my first script was about Hannah and her husband, but, uh... Yeah. -Yeah. ...Hannah read it, she got really angry, and... you know, then I felt badly, so I-- -Oh, well, God, I can imagine what you wrote. Oh, no! It wasn't anything bad. But she just... you know. I don't know. -Really? So, uh...I threw it out, but I have this other one. -Well, you know, I-I-I...you know, if you want me to, I'll read it. Oh, gosh, I don't know. Well, could I come over tomorrow and read it to you? -Oh, gosh, I don't know. Well, could I come over tomorrow and read it to you? Come over tomorrow and read it to me? -You must be joking. I've been doing all my own reading since I was forty...you know. Hmm. I think it's lucky I ran into you. Maybe. -Hmm. I think it's lucky I ran into you. Maybe. Well, what about me? -Well, what about me? Oh, well. -Oh, well. I should have kept going. I-I have a sneaking feeling, a nagging sensation I should've kept walking and... -No, you can tell me straight. It's okay. Just, you know, tell me what you think. It's great. I swea-- I'm-- I'm, tch, I'm speechless. I was...I was not in the mood to listen to this thing now. I don't know what to say. I'm moved and I laughed and I-- Uh, I, you know, I was on the edge of my seat. I just think it's wonderful! I'm, I'm totally...stunned. This is not an insult. I'm amazed that you can... It was-- I just thought it was great. -It's great. I swea-- I'm-- I'm, tch, I'm speechless. I was...I was not in the mood to listen to this thing now. I don't know what to say. I'm moved and I laughed and I-- Uh, I, you know, I was on the edge of my seat. I just think it's wonderful! I'm, I'm totally...stunned. This is not an insult. I'm amazed that you can... It was-- I just thought it was great. Really? -Really? Yes! I was abso-- And...w- what...made you think of that climax scene where the, where the... architect is walking home with his actress girlfriend and-and the ex- wife who's schizophrenic jumps out of the bushes and stabs him to death? -Yes! I was abso-- And...w- what...made you think of that climax scene where the, where the... architect is walking home with his actress girlfriend and-and the ex- wife who's schizophrenic jumps out of the bushes and stabs him to death? Oh, it just came to me one day. -Oh, it just came to me one day. Well, it was just fabulous! I'm, I, you know... -Well, it was just fabulous! I'm, I, you know... Oh, gosh, you really think I can write? -Oh, gosh, you really think I can write? I thought it was wonder-- There's maybe one or two things in there that I would do differently myself, but... -I thought it was wonder-- There's maybe one or two things in there that I would do differently myself, but... Right. -Right. ...but who cares? It was just-- It was fabulous. -...but who cares? It was just-- It was fabulous. Oh! -Oh! Fabulous, I mean it! I'm so impressed. -Oh, God! I am. You-you made my day. -I am. You-you made my day. Oh, wow! -Oh, wow! It was just great. Uh, I was all set...I was set to be bored stiff. -It was just great. Uh, I was all set...I was set to be bored stiff. Uh, gee. Would you like to have lunch? Uh, uh... -Uh, gee. Would you like to have lunch? Uh, uh... I-I would love to talk to you about, uh, that script. I-I, you know, I think maybe that we could do something with it. -I-I would love to talk to you about, uh, that script. I-I, you know, I think maybe that we could do something with it. Okay, and listen, I would like to hear what made you suddenly decide to drop out of life. -Okay, and listen, I would like to hear what made you suddenly decide to drop out of life. Oh, who cares? -Oh, who cares? Y-you used to-- Oh, no! Yeah, I care. You used to be so ambitious and... God, you really liked it?! -Gosh, you really went through a crisis, you know that? H-how did you get over it? I mean, when I ran into you, you seemed, you seemed just perfectly fine. Well, you seem fine now. Well... I'll tell you. One day about a month ago... -Um...look, there's something I've, uh, that's been bothering me for a long time, and I just thought I'd just tell you what it was and just sort of clear the deck here, and that's this. Oh, yeah? What? -Oh, yeah? What? That I've always regretted the way I behaved that evening we went out, and, uh...I've, I just thought I'd tell you that because I really made a fool out of myself. -That I've always regretted the way I behaved that evening we went out, and, uh...I've, I just thought I'd tell you that because I really made a fool out of myself. Oh, don't be silly! No! Don't be ridiculous. -Oh, don't be silly! No! Don't be ridiculous. It's all right. -It's all right. I was the, I was... You know, it was my fault. I-- -So, so you want to go out to dinner again? I mean, is that, is that... Have, you have any interest in that, or... Sure. Sure, uh, yes. -Sure. Sure, uh, yes. Do you? I mean, are you, are you, are you, are you free this evening? -Do you? I mean, are you, are you, are you, are you free this evening? Yeah. -Now don't get nervous. It's just your husband. Hi. -Hi. Hi. How you doin'? -Hi. How you doin'? Okay. -Okay. When'd you get here? -When'd you get here? Just a few minutes ago. -Just a few minutes ago. Oh. You look so beautiful. -Thanks. You know, I was talking with your father before...and I was telling him that it's ironic. I-I used to always have Thanksgiving with Hannah...and I never thought that I could love anybody else. And here it is, years later and I'm married to you and completely in love with you. The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is. I... It'd made a great story, I think. A guy marries one sister... doesn't work out... many years later... he winds up married to the other sister. It's, you know, it's a... -You know, I was talking with your father before...and I was telling him that it's ironic. I-I used to always have Thanksgiving with Hannah...and I never thought that I could love anybody else. And here it is, years later and I'm married to you and completely in love with you. The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is. I... It'd made a great story, I think. A guy marries one sister... doesn't work out... many years later... he winds up married to the other sister. It's, you know, it's a... Tch. -Tch. I don't know how you're gonna top that. -Mickey? Mmm, what? -Mmm, what? I'm pregnant. -Oh, my God. Thank you. I need an antihistamine. Mom thinks she's feeling her asthma, and so... -Yeah, Mom's Camille when she gets up in the morning. At least she isn't drinking. Did you notice? -At least she isn't drinking. Did you notice? Mm-hm. -Yeah, she knows it, too, 'cause she's flirting with all the men here. God. -Yeah. Get a garter belt... Get a garter belt and flirt. -Get a garter belt... Get a garter belt and flirt. Where are the antihistamines? -Dad... Oh... -Oh... Dad! -Hi. ...which I did not get. -Thanks. But guess who was there auditioning? April? -Yeah, well, she and an architect are now a very definite item, which I still cannot believe. Hmm. -Oh, please! We all came to have lunch, didn't we? Yeah, okay, right. Forget it. What's to eat? -Boy...Holly...Holly. I just want a salad. You really think I'm a loser, don't you? -Why are you so upset? You know, you've been picking on her ever since she came in here. Now just leave her alone for a while! I'm just suffocating. -What makes you interested in becoming a Hare Krishna? Well, I'm not saying that I want to join or anything, but...but I know you guys believe in reincarnation, you know, so it interests me. -Well, I'm not saying that I want to join or anything, but...but I know you guys believe in reincarnation, you know, so it interests me. Yeah, well, what's your religion? -Yeah, well, what's your religion? Well, I was born Jewish, you know, but, uh, but last winter I tried to become a Catholic and...it didn't work for me. I-I studied and I tried and I gave it everything, but, you know, Catholicism for me was die now, pay later, you know. And I just couldn't get with it. And I, and I wanted to, you know. I-- -Well, I was born Jewish, you know, but, uh, but last winter I tried to become a Catholic and...it didn't work for me. I-I studied and I tried and I gave it everything, but, you know, Catholicism for me was die now, pay later, you know. And I just couldn't get with it. And I, and I wanted to, you know. I-- You're afraid of dying? MICKEY Well...yeah, naturally. Aren't you? I-- L-let me ask you, reincarnation, does that mean my soul would pass to another human being, or would I come back as a moose or an aardvark or something? -You're afraid of dying? MICKEY Well...yeah, naturally. Aren't you? I-- L-let me ask you, reincarnation, does that mean my soul would pass to another human being, or would I come back as a moose or an aardvark or something? Take our literature... -Take our literature... Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. ...read it over, and think about it. -...read it over, and think about it. Well, okay. Thank you very much. -Well, okay. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Hare Krishna. -Aren't you glad to see me? Tell me about your trip... what did you bring me...? -I can't think. ...you don't have to think. -...you don't have to think. We have to talk about money... -We have to talk about money... I'm on the track of a reward, which... -I'm on the track of a reward, which... A reward... -A reward... I'm going to tell you later.... -I'm going to tell you later.... A reward for what? -A reward for what? Some museum director disappeared. -Some museum director disappeared. And? -And? They're offering... -They're offering... ...you haven't found him yet. -...you haven't found him yet. What is this, a whorehouse, or are you my wife? -What is this, a whorehouse, or are you my wife? You've gone off to America, on your Vacation... -You've gone off to America, on your Vacation... ...I was working... -...I was working... ...please... -...please... I swear to you... -I swear to you... ...and I want to talk to you about your promotion.. -...and I want to talk to you about your promotion.. Yes? My promotion...? -Yes? My promotion...? I want to talk to you about your salary. Because I can't... -You know why that is? Because there are so few things I need to forget. Would you agree, for the record, that I have not been read my rights? I have not read you your rights. -I have not read you your rights. Would you mind saying that into your bag...? -Would you mind saying that into your bag...? I hereby acknowledge that... -I hereby acknowledge that... "And now I have ""dociled"" you, have I not? By forcing your obedience." -"And now I have ""dociled"" you, have I not? By forcing your obedience." Then why did you chose to inform me of it...? -Then why did you chose to inform me of it...? To show... in my ability to squander. What one might deem an advantage... that my strength is greater than yours... -To show... in my ability to squander. What one might deem an advantage... that my strength is greater than yours... Oh yeah? Wanna arm wrestle...? -Oh yeah? Wanna arm wrestle...? If you'll come down the street I will make you a cup of coffee. -Well. Word gets around. ...what hindered you...? -...what hindered you...? It wasn't my day. -It wasn't my day. Perhaps you did not have the support you required. -Perhaps you did not have the support you required. It's a poor workman who blames his tools. -It's a poor workman who blames his tools. Or, perhaps... -Or, perhaps... ...how are things at the Hospital? -...how are things at the Hospital? It's a growth business. -It's a growth business. What have they got you doing? -What have they got you doing? Orderly. -Orderly. I would have figured you an R.N. by now, or, maybe Med School. -I would have figured you an R.N. by now, or, maybe Med School. I prefer to stay in the Less Frivolous professions. -I prefer to stay in the Less Frivolous professions. You lasted eight years, as Orderly, in Dr. Lechter's prison ward. -You lasted eight years, as Orderly, in Dr. Lechter's prison ward. Yes, I presumed it was about him. -Yes, I presumed it was about him. ...you... -...you... I'm struck by your phraseology. I did not last with him. I was privileged to enjoy his company during that time. -I'm struck by your phraseology. I did not last with him. I was privileged to enjoy his company during that time. I'm looking for... -I'm looking for... He said, and these were his words, he valued our time together, because I was civil. -He said, and these were his words, he valued our time together, because I was civil. Did you ever think, did you think, after he escaped, he would come after you? -Did you ever think, did you think, after he escaped, he would come after you? "He told me, he preferred to Eat the Rude. Or: ""natural composting."" Do you think he'd come after you...?" -I asked you how you like your coffee...? We have black and bitter. As the Soul of Man. Or light and sweet, as the world- view of the self-delusive. We got a bunch of materials, coming up at auction. Materials which disappeared from Dr. Lechter's cell, drawings he made, his books. -We got a bunch of materials, coming up at auction. Materials which disappeared from Dr. Lechter's cell, drawings he made, his books. Yes? -Yes? And I'd like your help, determining who's bidding for their purchase. -And I'd like your help, determining who's bidding for their purchase. Why me? -Why me? Waal, because your selling'em... Two years ago, his annotated Dictionary of Cuisine, by Alexander Dumas, went for sixteen thousand dollars. Seller's affidavit of ownership, signed Cary Panz. P.A.N.Z. Sounds to me like an Orderly. Whadja clear on the book? Ten, twelve grand? -Waal, because your selling'em... Two years ago, his annotated Dictionary of Cuisine, by Alexander Dumas, went for sixteen thousand dollars. Seller's affidavit of ownership, signed Cary Panz. P.A.N.Z. Sounds to me like an Orderly. Whadja clear on the book? Ten, twelve grand? ...very good. -...very good. Here's what they want you to do: we want the rest of the stuff you stole from his cell. -Here's what they want you to do: we want the rest of the stuff you stole from his cell. ...why? -...why? Let's just say they got a passion for collectibles... -Let's just say they got a passion for collectibles... "You said ""here's what they want you to do..."" Why?" -"You said ""here's what they want you to do..."" Why?" Now, whyn't you help us? -Now, whyn't you help us? That would adversely impact my income. -That would adversely impact my income. Not as much as being jailed for theft of Government Property, or for failure to pay income tax, on undisclosed income. -Not as much as being jailed for theft of Government Property, or for failure to pay income tax, on undisclosed income. We could skip the Gavotte. -We could skip the Gavotte. Say it in English. -Say it in English. "Lechter's not buying up his Memorabilia. He keeps it all in his ""mind,"" do you see...?" -"Lechter's not buying up his Memorabilia. He keeps it all in his ""mind,"" do you see...?" Then who's buying it? -Then who's buying it? "There's one or two freaks, and, for a ""Pass,"" I'll rat them out to you..." -"There's one or two freaks, and, for a ""Pass,"" I'll rat them out to you..." That's the spirit... -That's the spirit... ...aren't you afraid of me...? -...aren't you afraid of me...? You want me to be? -You want me to be? I'd prefer it... But it's just a vacant exercise. -"You said ""here's what they want you to do."" Aren't you part of them anymore...? Aren't you part of the FBI? 'No Girl's Allowed,' or what? Have you transgressed...?" Let's keep it to business, shall we? -Let's keep it to business, shall we? ...why have they stuck you on this silly little roust? -...why have they stuck you on this silly little roust? ...they did it for a lark. -...they did it for a lark. Oh, Good. The ornithological leitmotif... -Who are these guys...? Rich, comic book freaks. -Rich, comic book freaks. And why is it a vacant exercise? -And why is it a vacant exercise? Because we both know who's buying the Lechteriana. -Because we both know who's buying the Lechteriana. Who would that be. -Who would that be. Mason Verger. For he cannot be free. Dr. Lechter refashioned his body so it mirrors his soul, what an impossible injustice. Can you be free....? -Mason Verger. For he cannot be free. Dr. Lechter refashioned his body so it mirrors his soul, what an impossible injustice. Can you be free....? No, you're wrong about Verger. -No, you're wrong about Verger. Oh, yes. He's found Peace. -Oh, yes. He's found Peace. Well, if he hasn't, I'm vastly mistaken. -Well, if he hasn't, I'm vastly mistaken. And have you found Peace..? -Bad beat today. Hey, I'm fine. Whaddizit, you, how's your day, our gallant International Neighbors...? -Evelda Drumgo. COULD I GET A DRINK, N'I don't care, you see, what all they got me doin, for I'd rather be doin' makework, than be doin' pub'l'relations with THE DIRTY DOZEN, one Hispanic, one Librarian, one Jew, and One from Column A, and One from Column... Thank you. -C'mon, pal. All y'got to do is ask... -You want to get married...? You tol me you wuunt ask me again til I'm ready.... -You tol me you wuunt ask me again til I'm ready.... You're ready now. -You're ready now. I'm not. -I'm not. That's what you think... -Then you tell me, then. You want me to solve all your problems tonight...? -You want me to solve all your problems tonight...? I feel... I feel they're Out to Get Me... -I feel... I feel they're Out to Get Me... "And who is ""they?""" -"And who is ""they?""" ...they're sending me. Out to get Shot. Hounding me.... they're... -...they're sending me. Out to get Shot. Hounding me.... they're... ...the whole world's out to get you... -...the whole world's out to get you... How crazy is that. -How crazy is that. Well, you wanna shoot back, it give you a big target... -Well, you wanna shoot back, it give you a big target... How crazy is that.... -Hard up as you are, at your age? Whadda you care? Surrender. "~Don't shoot, G-Men...""" -How you doin? M'I gonna see you tonight? -M'I gonna see you tonight? That's right. -That's right. Then I'm doing fine. -Then I'm doing fine. What's new onna street? -What's new onna street? All Quiet Along the Potomac... -Brigham. Go. Affirmative. Okay, Happiness is a Green Light. We've got Evelda in the kitchen, cooking. The dope's D.E.A. We want her on Interstate Transportation of some firecrackers. Starling: you've got Drumgo, you know her from before. I know her by the Back. -I know her by the Back. ...these guy'll back you up. -What, What, I can't hear you... Are you alright...? -Are you alright...? I almost shot the baby... -I almost shot the baby... Who called the TV CREWS...? -Who, can you think, who would want to harm Dr. Fanelli, did he have any enemies, that... ...I have never met a man who was so well beloved. -...I have never met a man who was so well beloved. ...he was wealthy... -...he was wealthy... He had nothing. He lived in a garret. His work was his life, he... -He had nothing. He lived in a garret. His work was his life, he... ...his family has offered a large reward. -..who would benefit from his disappearance? No one. No one has but lost by it... ...would you excuse me...? -How was America? Bad coffee, and women with excessive ankles. -Bad coffee, and women with excessive ankles. ...nightmare. -...nightmare. What's up...? -What's up...? Doctore Carlo Fanelli, curator of the Pallazo Capponi, 2 months missing. -Doctore Carlo Fanelli, curator of the Pallazo Capponi, 2 months missing. Yeah, so where is he? -Yeah, so where is he? Somewhere where his family are offering a thirty grand reward for Information, so on. -Somewhere where his family are offering a thirty grand reward for Information, so on. They got that kind of money? -They got that kind of money? Their family owns... -What else did I miss...? Atrocious Torture. Hit of the Season, you want, I know a guy can get you a ticket. -Atrocious Torture. Hit of the Season, you want, I know a guy can get you a ticket. ...are they hard to get? -...are they hard to get? Impossible. -Impossible. ...what a world. -Hold up a minute... You spend the afternoon in Bed? -You spend the afternoon in Bed? First things first. -First things first. You take this much time over everything? -You take this much time over everything? That's why my wife adores me. -The identity of the person offering the bounty was never established. Yes, but we know who it was, and I will tell you, Agent Starling, what you know to be true. I offered the bounty. It was illegal, and, worse, it was wrong. And I thank God every day that I did not compound my sinful life by the stain of a murder. Do you Agent Starling: do you know God? -Can we identify it as Dr. Lechter? Not with any certainty we... -Not with any certainty we... Why did he come back? -Why did he come back? Our operatives in Brazil have been empowered to offer a reward of.... -Our operatives in Brazil have been empowered to offer a reward of.... ...WHY DID HE COME BACK? WHY DID THE BOY TURN BACK...? -...WHY DID HE COME BACK? WHY DID THE BOY TURN BACK...? ...are you alright, sir...? -...are you alright, sir...? HE TURNED BACK INTO THE ROOM. Where have we Seen it Before. -HE TURNED BACK INTO THE ROOM. Where have we Seen it Before. Seen what, sir..? -Seen what, sir..? The puppy comes back. If you lie on the ground. The Puppy with return. Why? Do you know why...? TO KILL YOU. IT THINKS YOU HAVE FALLEN AND ARE POWERLESS. IT COMES BACK TO TEAR YOUR THROAT. THAT'S WHY THE CHILD TURNED BACK. As Lechter will return back. You see? To the sight of his oppressor wounded. He will return to savage our beloved Miss Starling. Bring me a drink. -Do it... ...Let's see the pigs, please. -Where was the call from. Somewhere in Italy. -Somewhere in Italy. Make plans for Lechter's abduction. -Make plans for Lechter's abduction. ...then we won't need to tether Miss Starling as our lure. -...then we won't need to tether Miss Starling as our lure. That operation has begun. Are we God, that we would Meddle with it...? No, on the other hand... -...sir...? Waal, Nobody's Perfect... What do we hear from our songbird in Switzerland? -If you would see him monument, look around you. Show me the Pigs. -He escaped... Have the child taken to bed. -What do you want me to do? Follow Starling, stake out Starling. Increase the pressure on Starling. He will come to her. -...thank you... And how are you this evening, Doctor? No, we know that you're awake... Good evening, Dr. Lechter. Thank you for coming. I am sorry that we could not meet under more pleasant circumstances. -..It won't be long now, sir... OHFORGODSAKE, get ON with it. -He don't like popcorn. No. And... -No. And... I like Popcorn... -I like Popcorn... ...yes, if you'll, just step away... -...yes, if you'll, just step away... You give me whatever I want...? -You give me whatever I want...? Yes. You know I will. That's right. -Yes. You know I will. That's right. Awright. -Agent Starling, would you come with me...? The children...? -The children...? ...they're from Baltimore.... -...they're from Baltimore.... I've never heard that he... -I've never heard that he... It's not something he wants to publicize, Ma'am. It's just something he does. -It's not something he wants to publicize, Ma'am. It's just something he does. I won't take much of his time. -I won't take much of his time. He's glad to help. ...it's just a question of his physical condition. You Understand... -What would that be? He... would consider it a favor if he could make a donation. To a charitable institution of your choice. -He... would consider it a favor if he could make a donation. To a charitable institution of your choice. Now, why in the world would he do that? -Now, why in the world would he do that? I... think... he was.... he was touched, by your reaction. To his appearance. -I... think... he was.... he was touched, by your reaction. To his appearance. What reaction? -What reaction? Exactly. -Exactly. Please, I do not... I don't want to trouble him. But if you or he have any notlon, who would be buying Dr. Lechter's... -Please, I do not... I don't want to trouble him. But if you or he have any notlon, who would be buying Dr. Lechter's... Do you know the seller? -Do you know the seller? We've subpoenaed the Auction House's records. -We've subpoenaed the Auction House's records. Try Barney Clark. -Try Barney Clark. He is...? -He is...? He was the orderly, during Dr. Lechter's stay in Prison. -He was the orderly, during Dr. Lechter's stay in Prison. And how would you know that? -And how would you know that? "Before ""The Change,"" Mr. Verger was... he made quite a study." -"Before ""The Change,"" Mr. Verger was... he made quite a study." You should get the kids a dog... -You should get the kids a dog... "....I hardly think so... after ""The Incident""..." -"....I hardly think so... after ""The Incident""..." No, no, of course not. -No, no, of course not. ...Mr. Verger would be pleased to make a contribution, to the charitable... -...Mr. Verger would be pleased to make a contribution, to the charitable... Tell him to give it to an orphanage. -No, I think he proffers to spend his happy hours with his playmates. ...young boys, still...? -...young boys, still...? ...here's to child abuse! -...here's to child abuse! Mmm... -Mmm... ...and then, he'll be coming down. -...and then, he'll be coming down. You said the bad news... -You said the bad news... Yes, I did. -Yes, I did. I believe that your tone implied that there was some good news.... and, do you know... there might be good news for you... -I believe that your tone implied that there was some good news.... and, do you know... there might be good news for you... "Oh, yes, what? You'd bribe me, to, to, to, ""release"" you...?" -"Oh, yes, what? You'd bribe me, to, to, to, ""release"" you...?" I can make you rich. -I can make you rich. And I expect you to. Let's talk like two medical men -And I expect you to. Let's talk like two medical men Come on, stay with us. Look here: I could get behind you, and give you a spinal, tomorrow, you wuunt feel anything down there, a l'il pulling is all. N'I'll tell you what, after he's got his jollies, ten, f'teen minutes, I'll come down here, give you a shotta this stop your heart, an that's you done, an there's an end to it. What do you say...? I know you got lotsa money, evabody says so. I know how that stuff works, take it out, move it around... ...stay with me now, fuss with it... Whatsay we call your banker now, tell him a code... move that money to me, he confirms it, and I fix you up Right Now... Whatsay? -Come on, stay with us. Look here: I could get behind you, and give you a spinal, tomorrow, you wuunt feel anything down there, a l'il pulling is all. N'I'll tell you what, after he's got his jollies, ten, f'teen minutes, I'll come down here, give you a shotta this stop your heart, an that's you done, an there's an end to it. What do you say...? I know you got lotsa money, evabody says so. I know how that stuff works, take it out, move it around... ...stay with me now, fuss with it... Whatsay we call your banker now, tell him a code... move that money to me, he confirms it, and I fix you up Right Now... Whatsay? ..suitcase...locker... -..suitcase...locker... Come on, Doctor, then you can sleep... -Come on, Doctor, then you can sleep... ...unmarked hundreds.... -...unmarked hundreds.... ....what...? -...fraid, that's about it, Doctor. Let the girl go. -Let the girl go. Why? -Why? For a consideration. -For a consideration. 'fraid it's too late. -Sir: Shut up, Starling... -Shut up, Starling... I could have acted on my own. I was told... -I could have acted on my own. I was told... Starling, I've ordered you to shut... -Starling, I've ordered you to shut... ..I was instructed that this was a Joint Task Force, the FBI, BATF, and the Mayor's Special... -I don't mind being the token woman, what I'm suggesting, send me out there with a token man... who are these Warriors, ¥our cobbled together Strike Force? I'm in the room with a fugitive felon... Starling...? -Starling...? One moment, and they're at the Seven- Eleven. They botched the fallback plan, they... -Why would you say that? Because he sent me in there to be killed...? What is this...? ...what's he got against you? -...what's he got against you? He once made me an improper suggestion. -Look at this: You seen John Brigham...? -You seen John Brigham...? This just came in, over the transom. Fella, works for a Plastic Surgeon, Argentina. Look here: -This just came in, over the transom. Fella, works for a Plastic Surgeon, Argentina. Look here: ...what'm I looking at...? -...what'm I looking at...? A fellow with five fingers. -A fellow with five fingers. ...standard issue... -...standard issue... Not for our Doctor Lechter. This... Purports to be an x-ray of the hand of a ...white male...mmmm....mmmm...., after the removal of a vestigial sixth digit. Left Hand. It purports to be the x-ray of Dr. L... -Not for our Doctor Lechter. This... Purports to be an x-ray of the hand of a ...white male...mmmm....mmmm...., after the removal of a vestigial sixth digit. Left Hand. It purports to be the x-ray of Dr. L... Am I on that case, sir...? -Am I on that case, sir...? No. -No. Well, then--I wouldn't want to be taken for a hobbyist... -Yes sir, I saw it. We have a memo here, from your friend Mr. Krendler at the Justice Department. -We have a memo here, from your friend Mr. Krendler at the Justice Department. I am all attention. -I am all attention. He requests your presence, once again, as part of... -I know you did what you could. I'm going to work for your reinstatement... -I'm going to work for your reinstatement... Reinstatement to what? There ain't nobody there... -Just a moment. Starling didn't... Well, well, well, well, well, she went in there, to apprehend a Dangerous Felon. Went in there with her gun, Came out, without the Felon, without the gun... -Well, well, well, well, well, she went in there, to apprehend a Dangerous Felon. Went in there with her gun, Came out, without the Felon, without the gun... I had... one moment, I had an agent in there, waiting for backup from... -I had... one moment, I had an agent in there, waiting for backup from... ...she couldn't act on her own..? Where is the FBI's vaunted Initiative, where..? -I think that's... {HE STARTS TO RISE, AND THE MEETING BEGINS TO BREAK UP) Starling, I'm sure these gentlemen... And how did she get close enough to disarm you? -She threw a punch at a man on the team. Well, you know, that happens, on the street. -Well, you know, that happens, on the street. What is that supposed to mean...? -What is that supposed to mean...? I think its meaning is clear. -I think its meaning is clear. What, you're saying she was overwrought. -What, you're saying she was overwrought. That could be. -That could be. Because that's understandable, because. She blew the raid. -Because that's understandable, because. She blew the raid. She was there, alone, sir, she was in a burning building, waiting for your folks to come through the wall. And... -She was there, alone, sir, she was in a burning building, waiting for your folks to come through the wall. And... One moment, I'm not done with you... Give him the file... -Your girl's a menace. Here, givver this... Getter off the street and teach her some humility. I don't think so... -I don't think so... Well, then, you have insufficient information. I'm grateful for this opportunity to set you straight. -S'hotter inside than it is outside...even with the air conditioning. You nervous...? -You nervous...? Evone tells me: I shoulda been in, fi, six, months ago.... thizz my first checkup. -Evone tells me: I shoulda been in, fi, six, months ago.... thizz my first checkup. Gonna be fine. You ask your momma. -....I didn't realize I said it out loud. Said what? -Said what? I'm an orphan. -I'm an orphan. Well, then, you're a lucky girl, cause that baby's gone to be your family. ...I've got an appointment.... -Waal... It gets, um... it gets so lonely sometime. -It gets, um... it gets so lonely sometime. What'd you say, hon...? -What'd you say, hon...? I said sometime it gets so... -I said sometime it gets so... Well, don't you worry, cause that baby's gone take care of that. -Waited too long, hon...? How's your child? -I said how's your baby...? You want to hold him...? -You want to hold him...? Waal... -Waal... 'bout time you learned... -Give it up, Evelda. Well, you know my name, honey, but I don't know yours... -Well, you know my name, honey, but I don't know yours... Give it up. -Give it up. Hey, you know, I never thought of that... -Sadly, no. And I find that birth is one of the few things in life which study and a pleasant attitude can not amend. What do you think? And how do we account for the interest of such a charming man, an interest in Torture? -My husband brought it to me from America. A wonderful country... -A wonderful country... You know it? -You know it? I have had many excellent meals there. -I have had many excellent meals there. And yet, they are not know for their cuisine. -And yet, they are not know for their cuisine. ...should love to correct your error. -...should love to correct your error. Well, perhaps sometime we... -My mother told me to ignore the blandishments of charming men. Then, she, herself, possessed some knowledge of the Greater World...How pleased am I to see you looking so well... -How wonderful of you, to hold that information in your busy mind... ...how so? -...how so? ...you told me you were studying for your examination by the Studiolo... -...you told me you were studying for your examination by the Studiolo... And how good of you to remember it. Then, this trip, then, is not a return to America... -And how good of you to remember it. Then, this trip, then, is not a return to America... No, this is pleasure... -No, this is pleasure... And what was the trip before...? -And what was the trip before...? That, that was business... -Of course, Commendatore... Could you tell me: did you ever meet your predecessor, Dottore Fanelli...? -Could you tell me: did you ever meet your predecessor, Dottore Fanelli...? I never met him. I knew him only from his writings. -I never met him. I knew him only from his writings. I know that the officers who first investigated his disappearance searched for a note, a farewell note, a suicide note... -I know that the officers who first investigated his disappearance searched for a note, a farewell note, a suicide note... ...yes. -...yes. You have taken over his offices, is that not so? -You have taken over his offices, is that not so? It is only temporary, until my confirmation by... -It is only temporary, until my confirmation by... Of course, in his offices, if you come across anything, any personal papers of his, anything, however trivial, would you contact me, please... Are his personal effects still at the Palazzo? -Of course, in his offices, if you come across anything, any personal papers of his, anything, however trivial, would you contact me, please... Are his personal effects still at the Palazzo? Yes. Packed and with an inventory. -Yes. Packed and with an inventory. I'll have them picked up. -If your duty requires it. You have a recent scar on the back of your hand. -You have a recent scar on the back of your hand. And you have a new wedding ring on yours? La Vita Nuova?-- -And you have a new wedding ring on yours? La Vita Nuova?-- You looked oddly at me, back on the landing. -You looked oddly at me, back on the landing. Yes, it must be hard to be a policeman. Is it hard? Must one, then, be constantly suspicious? -Yes, it must be hard to be a policeman. Is it hard? Must one, then, be constantly suspicious? Why did you look at me that way? -Why did you look at me that way? I saw a man in disheveled clothing, but clean. Just dressed--in the middle of the... -I saw a man, somewhat fatigued. Quickly dressed, a bit dishevelled. In the middle of the day. An old story. And then I saw the clothing was fresh--therefore: a man who dressed at home. And then I remarked the new wedding ring. And so: the story gave me pause. A lovely story. A new, and a beloved wife. I wish you joy. You assemble this, on the instant, from these few observations? -You assemble this, on the instant, from these few observations? I'm a historian. It is our task to assemble the seemingly unconnected into the obvious. -I'm a historian. It is our task to assemble the seemingly unconnected into the obvious. ...your scar..? -...your scar..? My scar is a war-wound. -My scar is a war-wound. How so? -How so? Carpal-tunnel syndrome. From a life of typing. Commendatore. History, a hazardous profession. -Yes. How did you know? You resemble a figure from the Della Robia Rondels, in your family's chapel at Santa Croce. -You resemble a figure from the Della Robia Rondels, in your family's chapel at Santa Croce. It was Adresa de Pazzi, depicted as John the Baptist. You have seen the chapel? -It was Adresa de Pazzi, depicted as John the Baptist. You have seen the chapel? I have had the honor. -And? Then? I wonder no longer. You were out of the country. -I wonder no longer. You were out of the country. How could you know? -How could you know? "I sense... The faintest whiff of a perfume, whose base, whose base, whose base is ""Hamamelis"" ... it is witch-hazel--such a clean scent. No, not a European scent. I would say it is a scent of the New World. I would say, you have been in America. Have I struck home?" -"I sense... The faintest whiff of a perfume, whose base, whose base, whose base is ""Hamamelis"" ... it is witch-hazel--such a clean scent. No, not a European scent. I would say it is a scent of the New World. I would say, you have been in America. Have I struck home?" You know America? -You know America? ...you have brought this perfume... brought this perfume. Back. Back from America. To your New Wife... You have given it to her, and some of... Some of 'her perfume' has found its way back onto you. Lucky man. Lucky man, indeed. -Darling, Dr. Fell. My wife Madame Pazzi. Enchante. -Dr. Fell is studying for his examination by the Studiolo. Indeed I am. And the connection, between Dante, and, in fact, between your illustrious forebears... if you'd come with me, I could show you... -Darling... Well, if you will excuse me. Madame. What a pleasure. -Well, if you will excuse me. Madame. What a pleasure. The commissioner is going round the Cafe... -Who does not? If such there breathe, I'm sure you could unearth him... Your reputation does you honor. -If such there breathe, I'm sure you could unearth him... Your reputation does you honor. I've left my program... -I've left my program... Take mine. Ah. And is that your wife... Signora. Can it be that you are lovelier, even, than at our last encounter...? -...long overdue. Back to America...? When first we met you'd just returned from America. -I'm not a scholar, Dottore. But it seemed as if they, as if they... Yes, I think I amused them. To what do I owe...? -Yes, I think I amused them. To what do I owe...? I require... -I require... ...yes, yes, yes... -I'd like to walk home with you, and... Yes, of course, and we'll collect them. I won't be a minute... -...Franklin. Where do you live? -Where do you live? With Mama and Shirley and Stringbean. -In and out. Yes. And Mama... and Mama, is not your real Mama, is she Franklin? She my foster. -She my foster. She's not the first foster that you've had. Is she? -She's not the first foster that you've had. Is she? No. -No. Do you like it at your home, Franklin? -Do you like it at your home, Franklin? We got KittyKat... -We got KittyKat... Yes.... yes... -Yes.... yes... ...and Shirly, let me sleep with her sometime. -...and Shirly, let me sleep with her sometime. Yes. Franklin, you can't live there anymore. With Mama and Shirly and Kittykat. You have to go away. -Yes. Franklin, you can't live there anymore. With Mama and Shirly and Kittykat. You have to go away. ...who say...? -...who say...? The government says. Mama has lost her job, so she can't be your foster mother. The police found a marijuana cigarette in your home. You can't see Mama anymore. Or Shirley. Or Kitty Cat. That's what the Government says... -Make them eat the figurine. They will, sir. We train them, to the figurine, eventually, they consume a man, say, 80 kilos, say, in... -They will, sir. We train them, to the figurine, eventually, they consume a man, say, 80 kilos, say, in... ...tell them... -...they eat the dummy, sir, they eat the man... I keep them hungry. When... when do we think this man arrives. Is it necessary to know? -Is it necessary to know? Well, I don't want to starve them too long. They die. -Well, I don't want to starve them too long. They die. Oh, no, no. It won't be that long. -And you let her get away. Sir, with all due respect.... -You find something objectionable to working in partnership with.... Sir, I'm in Law Enforcement, I was out there, dealing with an armed and dangerous... -Sir, I'm in Law Enforcement, I was out there, dealing with an armed and dangerous... You were given backup.... -You were given backup.... THEN WHERE WAS IT? I'm sent out there... I'm told that the arrest must be a joint... -THEN WHERE WAS IT? I'm sent out there... I'm told that the arrest must be a joint... I'm saying: ... and what's wrong with that. -I'm saying: ... and what's wrong with that. And I'm telling you: You wanna throw a Birthday Party: Every kid gets a Chance to Play, that's fine, but... -And I'm telling you: You wanna throw a Birthday Party: Every kid gets a Chance to Play, that's fine, but... No, I don't get you... -No, I don't get you... Due respect, you don't, sir, your precious Joint Operation. FBI, ATF, DC SWAT, it's alphabet soup, we don't have the same Radio Freqs, we don't... -Due respect, you don't, sir, your precious Joint Operation. FBI, ATF, DC SWAT, it's alphabet soup, we don't have the same Radio Freqs, we don't... Oh, is this your political position, you're opposed to Joint... -Oh, is this your political position, you're opposed to Joint... I'm opposed to being part, Your Rainbow Coalition. Evelda Drumgo? I could of took her down in a snap of the fingers-- But-- I'm out there, and my Rules of Engagement... -And, fine, alright, and fine... what are youdoing, this whole time? Sir, I was, as instructed, waiting for the Arrival of the Strike Force. {PAUSE) -...spend some time on the streets. Ask me then... Thank you, that's not responsive. How did our Miss Drumgo get... -I came to pay my... ...get outta my way, you sonofabitch... -...get outta my way, you sonofabitch... I realize, you're under a lot of.... -I realize, you're under a lot of.... You put my friend in the ground, with your mickeymouse TaskForce... Izsat the kind of Headlines that Preserve and Promote, you, sir? -...may be the heat.... Let's get her out of here.... -Can you walk? Are your legs working...? Perhaps... shall we see...? -Perhaps... shall we see...? I'm going to cut you loose. With all due respect, Doctor, if you fuck with me, I'll shoot you dead, do you understand...? Do right and you'll live through this. -I'm going to cut you loose. With all due respect, Doctor, if you fuck with me, I'll shoot you dead, do you understand...? Do right and you'll live through this. Spoken like a Protestant. -You look lovely. "Thank you. No, I know you'd prefer ""I'm glad you find me so...""" -"Thank you. No, I know you'd prefer ""I'm glad you find me so...""" I'd prefer you to say what you feel. -I'd prefer you to say what you feel. What is that that smells so wonderful. -What is that that smells so wonderful. I hope you'll find it so. Yes. It's good to see you regaining your strength... -I hope you'll find it so. Yes. It's good to see you regaining your strength... Thanks to you... -...I'm sorry....? ...we were speaking of my father... -...we were speaking of my father... Indeed we were. -Indeed we were. ...and my need for The Institution... -...and my need for The Institution... Freud, do you know...? Freud psychoanalyzed patients in One Afternoon. -Freud, do you know...? Freud psychoanalyzed patients in One Afternoon. And how did he do that? -And how did he do that? He saw the truth, and spoke it... -He saw the truth, and spoke it... I'm afraid, this wine is making me woozy... -I'm afraid, this wine is making me woozy... ...you have to eat... -Thank you, Cordell. ...but will that satisfy you? -...but will that satisfy you? Why should you care? -Why should you care? It is not that I care for you--but that I posses an enquiring mind. What will you do when I am gone? When you have nothing to occupy your thoughts, save the memory of your own folly, and, more to the point, stupidity. -It is not that I care for you--but that I posses an enquiring mind. What will you do when I am gone? When you have nothing to occupy your thoughts, save the memory of your own folly, and, more to the point, stupidity. ARE YOU DONE? -ARE YOU DONE? Yes. -Yes. You don't wish to beg...? -You don't wish to beg...? Would that add to your mirth? -Would that add to your mirth? Explain in depth the plan we have for him. Until tomorrow. -The girl could use some help. You're free... -You're free... ...which of us is free...? -...which of us is free...? Yes, to cease to Hope is the Greatest Crime. The Greatest crime. Perhaps the only crime. I never ceased to hope! -Yes, to cease to Hope is the Greatest Crime. The Greatest crime. Perhaps the only crime. I never ceased to hope! The girl needs help. -The girl needs help. And what would be of Greater Help, than to release her, from the bonds of this sordid earthly existence. DON'T YOU THINK? IN WHICH THE INNOCENT ARE TORTURED IN WAYS WHICH WOULD MAKE THE ANGUISH OF THE DAMNED SEEM TAME AND UNIMAGINATIVE, DON'T YOU THINK? BLIND HIM AGAIN, AND PREPARE HIM AND HER FOR THE PIGS! -And what would be of Greater Help, than to release her, from the bonds of this sordid earthly existence. DON'T YOU THINK? IN WHICH THE INNOCENT ARE TORTURED IN WAYS WHICH WOULD MAKE THE ANGUISH OF THE DAMNED SEEM TAME AND UNIMAGINATIVE, DON'T YOU THINK? BLIND HIM AGAIN, AND PREPARE HIM AND HER FOR THE PIGS! ...might I make a suggestion...? -...might I make a suggestion...? ...after you' re dead. AND WHEN I GIVE THE WORD, do you understand...when I give the word... -...when I... ...what has she done to harm you...? -You want another drink, honey...? I want the same drink. Cause it did me good... but I already drunk it, so, barring that, yes, I would like another. -What's that, Baby? Alcohol. Where both its life-enhancing And its life destroying qualities... ...not unlike some Hindu God... -Alcohol. Where both its life-enhancing And its life destroying qualities... ...not unlike some Hindu God... I guess the only thing is Suck it Up... -I guess the only thing is Suck it Up... Well. Excellent... I'm... -Our Mister Frendler to, to, to humiliate me, though.... What else's he goin to do with his day, he can't work, and he won't steal... -What else's he goin to do with his day, he can't work, and he won't steal... Oh baby, oh baby.... -Look what they put her on... No, that is code-word material, that's what that is.... -You should get Married. That's what I should do. Tell me why? -That's what I should do. Tell me why? Because, baby, you're looking to find love in an institution, that's your only chance.... -Because, baby, you're looking to find love in an institution, that's your only chance.... Yeah, but who would marry friendless me... Howabout you, Romeo...? -Yeah, well, they solved that: turns out, he'uz a cannibal... Show'm the FBI Handshake... -Show'm the FBI Handshake... I am no going to show you the secret handshake! -Yeah, well, it's a raw wound, innit, you're gonna bump it, every time you turn around... but you know what the trick is...? ...not to turn around. -Because you're going to help me plan a party. You're going to do that? -You're going to do that? I'm going to do it, and you're going to catch the bouquet. -I'm going to do it, and you're going to catch the bouquet. The Multi-Jurisdiction Task Force: read alphabet soup, for the continued pursuit, and in preparation for the apprehension of the fugitive, Evelda Drumgo. The man's hazing you. -The Multi-Jurisdiction Task Force: read alphabet soup, for the continued pursuit, and in preparation for the apprehension of the fugitive, Evelda Drumgo. The man's hazing you. My daddy would say: accept with glee the things you cannot change. -My daddy would say: accept with glee the things you cannot change. I'll tell you what: I should go in there, volunteer to fill up his Female Quota. -I'll tell you what: I should go in there, volunteer to fill up his Female Quota. Mr. Crawford asked my opinion. Here we've got a purported x-ray, Dr. Lechter's surgery. Do we keep it secret, or broadcast it? -Mr. Crawford asked my opinion. Here we've got a purported x-ray, Dr. Lechter's surgery. Do we keep it secret, or broadcast it? "Saying what, ""Look out for a guy with ten fingers...?""" -"Saying what, ""Look out for a guy with ten fingers...?""" Yeah, that's too Hip for the Room. -Yeah, that's too Hip for the Room. You stay offa this Alphabet Soup Detail, all this half-baked, cowboy stuff, till after you get your mind cleared.... you don't wanna go out there a half-step slow... -You stay offa this Alphabet Soup Detail, all this half-baked, cowboy stuff, till after you get your mind cleared.... you don't wanna go out there a half-step slow... I don't wanna go out there at all... -I don't wanna go out there at all... What do you want to do? You want to jam up that sonofabitch Krendler. -What do you want to do? You want to jam up that sonofabitch Krendler. No. I want to buy a dog. -No. I want to buy a dog. What broke you free, Girl? -What broke you free, Girl? I met a man, and His Troubles Were Greater Than Mine... -What was it. What was it, honey? ...something about my father...? -...something about my father...? ...what? -...what? Do you think you could make a cup of coffee, cause I'm going to work. -...what...? N'not that sad. -No. Every suicide kills two. -Every suicide kills two. Yeah. Well. They're a talkative buncha commentators. -Yeah. Well. They're a talkative buncha commentators. You got a lot of people love you, Starling. -You got a lot of people love you, Starling. Trouble is, they all seem to die. -Trouble is, they all seem to die. Y'want to gimme Brigham's pistol? -Y'want to gimme Brigham's pistol? What would you guess, Ardelia? -What would you guess, Ardelia? You goin to shoot yourself? -You goin to shoot yourself? Don't shoot yourself. -Don't shoot yourself. Why? -Why? Cause I'm tired, cleaning up after you. Why dontcha gimme the gun? -Give me your gun... ...what...? -...the purpose of the exercise... is it because they are expensive... They aren't expensive, you got them through your connections.... speaking of which: -They aren't expensive, you got them through your connections.... speaking of which: Fine, thank you, but -Fine, thank you, but Speaking of which, I want you also to get us tickets for the Opera... -Speaking of which, I want you also to get us tickets for the Opera... ...whatever is within my power... -...whatever is within my power... ...and that is what you need to expand. -...and that is what you need to expand. I don't understand. -I don't understand. We are here on sufferance. I am here... -We are here on sufferance. I am here... ...why are we here in the first place...? -...why are we here in the first place...? Because it is exclusive... because everyone will be here... -...my love... ...they asked us to dinner. How can we accept if we cannot return the... -...they asked us to dinner. How can we accept if we cannot return the... I am on the track of... -I am on the track of... Yes, yes, yes, your thirty thousand dollars reward, which you would have to split with your team, which, if you get it, will not buy me a new watch... -Yes, yes, yes, your thirty thousand dollars reward, which you would have to split with your team, which, if you get it, will not buy me a new watch... ...what do you expect me to... -No. Invite us? No, he simply... Then we cannot go. -Then we cannot go. Because...? -Because...? Because we cannot pay... -"""Because we don't have any money.""" ....because we don't have any mmm... -....because we don't have any mmm... The Case that I am working on... -The Case that I am working on... It's a joke. You're a joke. You're a joke. You don't know what money is-- your idea of money... ...spend it on a whore on your 'business trip.' That is the fine limit of your ambitions... -Ask me when we get home. Oh, my program... -...and then, we're going to Greece... Yes, but the important thing, as I've said... -Yes, but the important thing, as I've said... ...get me a cigarette. -Hello....? ...what did you want? -...what did you want? I know where he is. -I know where he is. I'm sure I don't know who you mean. -I'm sure I don't know who you mean. I know where he is. -I know where he is. And why should we believe you? -And why should we believe you? I know something no one knows. He has had his finger removed. On his left hand. It left a scar. -I know something no one knows. He has had his finger removed. On his left hand. It left a scar. What shape is the scar? -What shape is the scar? I want the money. -I want the money. What shape is the scar? -What shape is the scar? The shape of a Three. -An Honor. Carlo Pazzi.... No, y'know, I never doubted it... -No, y'know, I never doubted it... You were kind enough, today, to take my photograph. -You were kind enough, today, to take my photograph. Well, that's you see, what I am, kind and feeling. -...sadly... Hey, lost again. -Hey, lost again. But perhaps, there is some, some less radical solution. -But perhaps, there is some, some less radical solution. I'm sure there is, but my young Friend here, would kill you. -I'm sure there is, but my young Friend here, would kill you. His feelings do him honor. And I have come, simply, to pay my respects to the great Clarice Starling... -His feelings do him honor. And I have come, simply, to pay my respects to the great Clarice Starling... The great and beautiful... -The great and beautiful... Is it necessary to say of the sea that it is salt, that the stars are far, that... -Is it necessary to say of the sea that it is salt, that the stars are far, that... No,I get it, this is my Cavalier. This gents my Italian Knight. Take this... For this shall be my gage, and you can take it into battle. -No,I get it, this is my Cavalier. This gents my Italian Knight. Take this... For this shall be my gage, and you can take it into battle. Thank you. -Thank you. Or clear your windshield with it. -Or clear your windshield with it. ...what a lovely perfume. -...what a lovely perfume. Waal, you c'n only get it in one shop in Alexandria Virginia, n'that's where I'm going, cause I'm goin home, f'i can get n'y'one, Of That Nature, to take her there... -"...this one is my favorite. It has not title. They should call it ""fetch,"" whaddaya think...?" I know it well. -I know it well. Do you. What does that mean? -Do you. What does that mean? It is a gravestone in the cemetery of ______ in my native Florence. -Yeah, I'm sure it's famed for lotsa things, and you're one'a'them... ...but: this particular statue... -...but: this particular statue... "Waal, you hold fast to that thought, as I'm sure, that's a ""clue""..." -"Waal, you hold fast to that thought, as I'm sure, that's a ""clue""..." ....this is perhaps an inappropriate time... but, I would like to say, it is an honor to meet the Woman who solved the celebrated Hannibal Lechter... -....this is perhaps an inappropriate time... but, I would like to say, it is an honor to meet the Woman who solved the celebrated Hannibal Lechter... I din't solve it, I didn't 'solve it'. I just sat a dance out with him. Facts, facts, facts. Facts, close the case, cavalier. -I din't solve it, I didn't 'solve it'. I just sat a dance out with him. Facts, facts, facts. Facts, close the case, cavalier. ...a case, so, so fascinating, so... -What're they on about? They're grilling the applicant for the Vacant Post. -They're grilling the applicant for the Vacant Post. Speaking of the Vacant Post. -Speaking of the Vacant Post. Dottore Fanelli... -...a Dr. Fell. A Brazilian, I think. Applying for Fanelli's post. Brazilian. -Brazilian. It would seem. -...a liaison position... And what does that mean? -And what does that mean? ...I feel that... -...I feel that... """A liaison position with the Opera.""" -She must be something special After Dark. I can't remember. I've got to make some money. -I can't remember. I've got to make some money. Thirty thousand dollars reward. In the whereabouts of Il Dottore Fanelli, or the apprehension of his... -Thirty thousand dollars reward. In the whereabouts of Il Dottore Fanelli, or the apprehension of his... ...yes, yes, yes.... -Tell me why...? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be impolite. Because, you know, you can't understand. -I'm sorry, I don't mean to be impolite. Because, you know, you can't understand. Then tell me. -Then tell me. Well, you know, you know, you know, the point is: I can't tell you. Cause you haven't been there. You haven't done it. And that's all there is. -Well, you know, you know, you know, the point is: I can't tell you. Cause you haven't been there. You haven't done it. And that's all there is. ...and to have done it, means, can mean to accept, not only danger, but betrayal...? -...and to have done it, means, can mean to accept, not only danger, but betrayal...? ....that's right. -....that's right. ..and humiliation? What is this new job they've...? -..and humiliation? What is this new job they've...? No. That's right. That's all part of it. -No. That's right. That's all part of it. Then, that being so, why is today special? Why have you come back to see me? Is it that new file they gave you? -Then, that being so, why is today special? Why have you come back to see me? Is it that new file they gave you? I don't think so. -I don't think so. Then what brings you back? -Then what brings you back? I don't know. Do you know...? -I don't know. Do you know...? Yes. I think I do. I think it is a phrase you used with that woman. You told her you were an orphan. You used, to your mind, your most private fears. -Yes. I think I do. I think it is a phrase you used with that woman. You told her you were an orphan. You used, to your mind, your most private fears. ...no... -...no... ...you called up memories of your father to... -...you called up memories of your father to... ...no... -...no... ...barter with her. To appeal to her, and you feel that... -...barter with her. To appeal to her, and you feel that... No, I don't think so... -No, I don't think so... It is you who have betrayed... -It is you who have betrayed... ...no. -...no. Your father. It is not they, who... -Your father. It is not they, who... Well, no... That's... I appreciate your help, but... -Yes. What does that mean? -What does that mean? I saw a man today, a man so hideously deformed who'll spend his life in a hospital bbb... -I saw a man today, a man so hideously deformed who'll spend his life in a hospital bbb... Yes, so you said. But what does that mean: to go beyond The Institution. -Yes, so you said. But what does that mean: to go beyond The Institution. If he could overcome... his need for... for self-ratification... -If he could overcome... his need for... for self-ratification... ...would you use a small word? -...would you use a small word? For approval. -For approval. What's wrong with approval? You admired that man. -What's wrong with approval? You admired that man. Yes. -Yes. "How do you think that made him feel? What does that mean, ""to go beyond the institution...?""" -"How do you think that made him feel? What does that mean, ""to go beyond the institution...?""" I told that woman I'm an orphan. -I told that woman I'm an orphan. ...you are an orphan. -...you are an orphan. "But... but....but.... you're right. I used it. To bargain. For her sympathy... I used it--to ""whore myself out""--" -"But... but....but.... you're right. I used it. To bargain. For her sympathy... I used it--to ""whore myself out""--" Welcome to the human race. Do you know, there are people who admire you? Reasonable people. Why don't you find them...? -Yes, but no one is in control of their emotions. that's all we have time for today... I don't understand. -I don't understand. "You said: that you have ""decided."" That your... your feelings of persecution, as you put it are a ""self- indulgence,"" and you are going to put them aside. And get on with your job." -"You said: that you have ""decided."" That your... your feelings of persecution, as you put it are a ""self- indulgence,"" and you are going to put them aside. And get on with your job." That's right. -That's right. "And you have decided to accept... to accept this ""emotion,"" as you put it, to the ... the ""sweepings. of the Lechter case." -"And you have decided to accept... to accept this ""emotion,"" as you put it, to the ... the ""sweepings. of the Lechter case." Yes. -Yes. "And you've decided to get married. You've decided a lot of things. But, in spite of your decisions--you are still ""nagged"" by feelings of: despair, of failure of... you still have the nightmare, you..." -"And you've decided to get married. You've decided a lot of things. But, in spite of your decisions--you are still ""nagged"" by feelings of: despair, of failure of... you still have the nightmare, you..." What is your point? -What is your point? That if decision were a useful tool, you wouldn't be here. Why are you here...? -That if decision were a useful tool, you wouldn't be here. Why are you here...? I.. -I.. ...yes...? -...yes...? I want to do something positive... -I want to do something positive... You want some advice. -You want some advice. Yes. -Yes. "Your life has been defined by institutions. The Orphanage where you were raised, the FBI Academy, the Bureau. If the Institution is your life, accept it. Ask to be reinstated on the ""Drumgo"" task force. Play their game." -"Your life has been defined by institutions. The Orphanage where you were raised, the FBI Academy, the Bureau. If the Institution is your life, accept it. Ask to be reinstated on the ""Drumgo"" task force. Play their game." ...why? -...why? Because it's the game you've chosen. That's really all we have time for. -He was shot...he was shot. On his rounds. And... and... That's when you went to the Orphanage... -And all he left us: the Country brought back his hat, and his badge... both with a bullethole in them. An' that's what he left us. That's what I said. And you have been dreaming... dreaming about this Hat, and... -And you have been dreaming... dreaming about this Hat, and... And. I always said, he was a P'lice officer. -And. I always said, he was a P'lice officer. ...yes...? -...yes...? But. He was a night watchman. That's what he was. N'They brought back, his hat, his badge, an his timeclock. N'then they took me off. I saw... I saw. Clear as day, do you, do they call it a delusion? His hat an his badge. Clear as day, bulletholes and all. -But. He was a night watchman. That's what he was. N'They brought back, his hat, his badge, an his timeclock. N'then they took me off. I saw... I saw. Clear as day, do you, do they call it a delusion? His hat an his badge. Clear as day, bulletholes and all. When? -When? But they were not there. Yesterday. Is that called a Delusion...? -For the worst hurt, of course, that which will not heal, is the conviction no one cares. I've come to see you, sir, about an Auction... -Ah, yes, ah yes. Our Doctor Lechter... And have they sent you, once again to capture him? How terrible for you... No, sir, it's not my job to capt... why do you say how terrible? -No, sir, it's not my job to capt... why do you say how terrible? Because we must leave the past in the past. Ah. And here we have artifacts of, yes, my own encounter with him... -Sir, various drawings, done by Dr. Lechter, while in prison, stolen from the prison after his escape, have surfaced and are being sold at auction. Several large reserve bids have been placed on them. I have to ask if you've placed those bids. Because? -Because? Because if it was not you, then, perhaps it was Dr. Lechter, trying to reclaim his own property. -Because if it was not you, then, perhaps it was Dr. Lechter, trying to reclaim his own property. And why would you suspect me, of this ghoulishness? -And why would you suspect me, of this ghoulishness? Because, sir, you are the only one of his victims who lived. And because you have large resources. -Because, sir, you are the only one of his victims who lived. And because you have large resources. Large resources, Starling, which I prefer to devote elsewhere.... -My encounter. Someone offered three million dollars bounty on Dr. Lechter's head. -...sir...? Isn't it funny? You can look on my face which you would grant me, is the most hideous sight you will see in what I hope is a long life. You can look at me. Which shows a Strength which must come from strong strong convictions. But you shy when I say the name of God. -Yes, then, you're saying that you haven't bid upon these drawings. I have not, I would not. For life life goes on Starling. And, wait, wait, I wish to talk to you... I'm... One moment. I was afflicted, do you see, but my affliction was not in my meeting with your Dr. Lechter. I was afflicted before. Before. Do you see? In my arrogance. Do not Do not curse God when you are humiliated. Listen to me: embrace it, and you embrace life.... Listen, and you hear the word of God... -Believe me, I wish I knew less. Oh, if you weren't such a pig... I can be a good pig. Babe. Charlotte's Web. Good pig. Watch. -Sadist! I can't believe I thought you could change--This is your idea of discipline? You're a monster. That kid is going to be traumatized for... About three days. I'm a monster. He's a monster. Actually, we're both just guys. I don't expect you to understand that I... -No really, keep talking, I ree-ally want to hear what you have to say, you're just so eloquent... Why are you...don't stop...why? -Why are you...don't stop...why? """Why?"" If I asked questions like that, I'd never make love-""love""-- Damn you, Damn this, damnit!" -It's funny, when I first met you I thought you were such a weirdo...I still think you're a nut, but you're my nut. Yeah...Are we going to do it or what? I still haven't packed. -Yeah...Are we going to do it or what? I still haven't packed. Why are you being so grouchy--This is an important night for us... -Why are you being so grouchy--This is an important night for us... Adam. Dollface. We had a physical relationship that served a purpose and now... -Adam. Dollface. We had a physical relationship that served a purpose and now... But, but that was before we started sharing stuff. Before I told you how I cried when Peepers died. I never told anyone that before. -But, but that was before we started sharing stuff. Before I told you how I cried when Peepers died. I never told anyone that before. And this Peepers was your...dog? If it makes you feel better, I probably wasn't paying attention. -And this Peepers was your...dog? If it makes you feel better, I probably wasn't paying attention. That doesn't make me feel better! Why are you being like this? -That doesn't make me feel better! Why are you being like this? Don't raise your voice at--I gave you the ultimate male fantasy--sex, nothing on the side. Don't pretend we shared anything other than fluids. -Don't raise your voice at--I gave you the ultimate male fantasy--sex, nothing on the side. Don't pretend we shared anything other than fluids. Stop it, stop it, you satanic whore! -You think you're so...but you're just... That's it, Adam, pretend it's one of those arcade things, the tighter you squeeze, the more of a man you are...Ooh, that's it. -I'm gay. Like you didn't know. Andrew. You're not gay; you're ten. You shouldn't even be having thoughts like... -Andrew. You're not gay; you're ten. You shouldn't even be having thoughts like... You mean you didn't have any gay thoughts when you were my age... -You mean you didn't have any gay thoughts when you were my age... Well, uh...Promise me you won't do anything until you're 18. -Well, uh...Promise me you won't do anything until you're 18. Did you wait until you were 18? -I'll bet you're glad I waited until the last day to have this conversation. You have no idea. Now run away. -Okay, okay, just don't everyone talk at once...First of all, little Jason has a learning disability... Yeah, his lack of intelligence. Sorry, Wendy, but as learning disabilities go, stupidity is often overlooked. -Now what? What did I do this time? I just wanted to know if you've seen this. -Summer would have been a lot less without you. You're a true friend, Donald. Was there a night that I got really drunk and declared that I never loved anyone as much as I loved you? -Was there a night that I got really drunk and declared that I never loved anyone as much as I loved you? No. -No. That's good. I wouldn't have wanted to embarrass myself. -Pamela Anderson, Kate Moss, Halle Berry, and Fiona Apple, all naked in one room. You can do anything you want to them, except one of them has full-blown Aids, and you don't know who. And you're not allowed to use a condom. Call me conservative, but I'd rub my penis on the faces of all the ladies before bestowing the final honors to the divine Ms. Berry's lovely visage. -Call me conservative, but I'd rub my penis on the faces of all the ladies before bestowing the final honors to the divine Ms. Berry's lovely visage. Yowza--Only a virgin could answer that fast. -Yowza--Only a virgin could answer that fast. I'm not really a--Does it count if... -Do you realize if the women of America would have just heard what you said... They wouldn't be a bit surprised.. -Make it seem you have this comfortable, mysterious life and you don't give a shit whether she's a part of it. Oh, and bring up India, Talia has this obsession... Whoa, Donald, play hard to get, not hard to want...Let Talia know that your goofy act is just something you do for the kids.... It is? I don't know about this, Wichita. Am I even right for Talia? ] What About Wendy? I mean, you and ] Wendy--how are you and Wendy... ] ] WICHITA ] Complicated. Extremely. ] ] Wichita and Donald drift closer toward the head-setted Wendy, ] who stands to the side of the searchers like a commandant. ] ] WENDY ] Now remember, people, let's keep ] away from the mountain. Repeat... ] ] There you are. Could you possibly ] do one thing and help keep the ] campers away from.... ] ] WICHITA ] ] Hey everybody, we're climbing the ] mountain! ] -Howdy Pouty. I was pretty confident that I was going to blow it with Talia, but I must say, I outdid myself. -I was pretty confident that I was going to blow it with Talia, but I must say, I outdid myself. She's still pissed at me and took it out on you. We should have taken it slower. It's hard to operate in the woods. Much easier in, like a club. Tell the girl you've got to go do something, leave her view, take way too long until she is worried that you're not coming back. Just as she starts feeling awful, you come up from behind and touch her neck... -She's still pissed at me and took it out on you. We should have taken it slower. It's hard to operate in the woods. Much easier in, like a club. Tell the girl you've got to go do something, leave her view, take way too long until she is worried that you're not coming back. Just as she starts feeling awful, you come up from behind and touch her neck... You are the prince of the darkness. -I'm in the picture on Wendy's wall. Niagara Falls. Family trip. Little Wendy foreground. Me background. What are the odds on that one? Uh, yeah, that's...wow. -Uh, yeah, that's...wow. I couldn't tell her...it's, it's too major...Jesus, I'm starting to believe in God and what's worse I think I like the guy. The lightning bolt was just a test, right? Wendy and I--we're meant to be. I'm right, right? I have to see her... -I couldn't tell her...it's, it's too major...Jesus, I'm starting to believe in God and what's worse I think I like the guy. The lightning bolt was just a test, right? Wendy and I--we're meant to be. I'm right, right? I have to see her... Say Hi for me. -Eavesdropping, eh? Hear anything good? Man, it's not like I don't know about women. I had this babysitter... -That really sucked, Eric, what you did, asking him that... Oh thanks, it was nothing... -Oh thanks, it was nothing... You know, I think I left something by the lake. Could you check it out-- You'll know it when you see it... -You know, I think I left something by the lake. Could you check it out-- You'll know it when you see it... Sure, Wichita. Whatever you say... -There you are! Man, I don't know how to thank... Eric...You can't be like me. You have to be better. I'm not the guy you think I am... -Eric...You can't be like me. You have to be better. I'm not the guy you think I am... Of course you are. You don't know what I was like before I met you. You're like the best counselor ever. -Man, she's losing it... It's about time. Isn't Fun great? -Talia, don't go! Wha-at? What is it? -Wha-at? What is it? Everything. -Whew, that wasn't a period. That was an exclamation mark. You know, Hayley, behind every great woman is a great first menstruation anecdote. I hope so... -I hope so... This is...this is...a very special moment... -Freeze! You're busted! What are you gonna do about it? -What are you gonna do about it? Ooh, I'll think of something, missy. A telescope? Where you going? I don't want to know. -Thanks, Talia...Why are you so nice to me? Why am I so--That's new--The way I figure it is if I can get through to just one camper...then I'm a pretty incompetent counselor. ] Don't get caught. I'll deny ] everything. ] -Mine! You guys have been so colossal... -Go stand by the flagpole. Sorry about all that...I'm your CIT-- Jasper. -Sorry about all that...I'm your CIT-- Jasper. When all else fails, Jasper--Gum. Even now in these troubled times, ] every child's drug of choice. ] -You are to be executed at Dawn anyway. Might as well commit the crime. Go to her, Wichita... You're all making me blush... -No, they're not from Wendy. Your Secret admirer? -Your Secret admirer? Not so secret anymore. Don't look all at once...behind the pine...Dorothy from Cabin Seven. -I guess it was too much to ask that it would somebody older...and maler. Like you. Hey, I thought I wasn't your type. -Hey, I thought I wasn't your type. Wichita--you're everybody's type. But seriously, don't worry about it. I get my occasional crushes. -Wichita--you're everybody's type. But seriously, don't worry about it. I get my occasional crushes. Hey, it's not a crush anymore if ] you actually say it to the person ] you supposedly have the... ] ] JASPER ] Thought I'd get points for a post- ] modern approach to coming on to you. ] -Hey, it's not a crush anymore if ] you actually say it to the person ] you supposedly have the... ] ] JASPER ] Thought I'd get points for a post- ] modern approach to coming on to you. ] Goodnight, Jasper. -Goodnight, Jasper. Goodnight. -You're a little harsh on Todd. You're a little harsh on everybody. I know ] you like to think of yourself as ] the Anti-Oberon, but man, you're ] getting just as spooky. What was ] that speech in there? Does Camp really ] have to be a revolutionary act? Can't ] the children, at their own pace, ] discover... ] ] WICHITA ] Yeah, okay, I was a little out of ] hand, but come on, you got to give me Todd. Don't get me wrong, I've learned to love the little Piggy, but Todd is the most invincible loser I've ever come across. His greatest talent is lack thereof. No matter ] what the category, bet against him ] and win. ] Stop, stop...I'm willing to put my mouth where my mouth is...I throw one overhand pass and Todd catches it-- dramatic pause--You let me go down on you... -Stop, stop...I'm willing to put my mouth where my mouth is...I throw one overhand pass and Todd catches it-- dramatic pause--You let me go down on you... Hello?! What's in it for me? -Hello?! What's in it for me? Thanks a lot. Seriously though, by winning this bet, you will prove to the world that you indeed know everything. Isn't the rush of gambling on your cynical philosophy of life enough? -"Are we allowed to start hating ""Wendy"" yet...""Gee Wichita, I guess mosquitoes have always liked me.""" You and Wichita go to school together, right? Have you two ever... -You and Wichita go to school together, right? Have you two ever... That would be a No. -That would be a No. That wants to be a Yes. -I don't know what I'm doing. I know he only likes me as a friend. He's just so...everything--I know he only likes me as a--but it came up that he used to be a camp counselor and I used to be a camp counselor... Get him alone for the summer. Out in the wilderness. Underneath the stars... -Am-ber! Uh...don't do that. """or you're going to get it?"" Wow, first week of camp. Promise me you won't try moving so fast with Wichita." -"""or you're going to get it?"" Wow, first week of camp. Promise me you won't try moving so fast with Wichita." Don't worry, I have 33 more days to find just the perfect moment to tell him how I... -Don't forget, when you get home, O.B.'s. They're created by a female gynecologist. Yeah, an insane female gynecologist! Hayley, don't listen to her. -Yeah, an insane female gynecologist! Hayley, don't listen to her. They're the easiest to shoplift, okay? No woman should have to pay for something forced-on-her-without- choice by Nature...what's the matter, Hayley? ] ] As they playfully bicker, Hayley gazes, with a tinge of ] longing, to Vanessa and the Bombshellettes parked at a picnic ] table, flirting up a storm with their cute-boy-counterparts. ] ] TALIA ] What do you think--it's the Last ] Night of Camp Dance. ] ] PIXEL ] What are you saying? She doesn't need ] some boy to validate her summer ] experience! ] ] TALIA ] Oh of course she does, you dumb ] bitch. Just because we're feminist, ] doesn't mean we have to be totally ] abnormal. ] ] PIXEL ] Hayley back me up... ] ] HAYLEY ] ] One dance would be kind of ] nice...Don't hate me, Pixel. ] ] PIXEL ] ] I don't. Now go away, Talia and I ] need to huddle... ] -Wendy, don't be afraid to get a little stupid and contagious. The kids don't understand that this is our summer, too. We shouldn't have to put our lives on hold to be their butlers. I just don't know about this whole actual sexuality thing--How do you go from being friends with a guy to wanting to put the thing he uses to go to the bathroom with in your mouth? -What are you doing? Nothing. -You know you just do this for shock value. It's not shocking. When did pretending to be bored become a sign of superiority? Are you mad at me for giving the cabin new haircuts or are you just still miserably pining for Wichita's lightning rod? -When did pretending to be bored become a sign of superiority? Are you mad at me for giving the cabin new haircuts or are you just still miserably pining for Wichita's lightning rod? Geez, what time is it? I have to go feed Big Chief Oberon...You're right, I miss him. Wichita, that is. I really want to be with him, but I can't bring myself to--Are you a lesbian or are you... -Geez, what time is it? I have to go feed Big Chief Oberon...You're right, I miss him. Wichita, that is. I really want to be with him, but I can't bring myself to--Are you a lesbian or are you... I didn't realize I had to declare a major. -I didn't realize I had to declare a major. Why do you even like me? -You remind me of me when I was...I guess I was never like you. So cute. So questioning. I'm not a nai-ive little... -I'm not a nai-ive little... Uh-huh. -You'll be hiding behind a tree. The oak where Jocelyn sprained her ankle. -The oak where Jocelyn sprained her ankle. Exactly. When we get into the clearing, I'll turn on my sexy moves. Wichita will go for it or he'll shoot me down. Either way, you come away with knowledge. -I'm sorry. It just...It seems silly. Like kissing a girl. Clever observation. Go back to Wichita. Oh that's right, you can't. -...sorry... This is not the way it was supposed to-- I was going to start writing a children's book using input from all-- I don't even like smoking! -One day they'll find a cure for AIDS. They'll never find one for sex. It's kind of funny, most movies and stories with a bunch of camp counselors has some serial psycho in the woods with a chainsaw who systematically butchers everybody one by one. Yeah. And? -Yeah. And? It's just funny...who needs a serial psycho in the woods with a chainsaw when we have ourselves. -You look a like you could use a friend. You know, I'll never forget my first day at camp. Boy, I was so nervous that I... Hey--whaddya say, we need another muskrat to join our Sunshine circle. Scurry up! Isn't Fun great! -Well, the first week of camp has swhooshed on by and I thought this a perfect time to finally pow-wow. I think we should discuss-- We need more ritalin. Can't we just grind it into the munchkins' food? -"Who wants to go tell the Anti-christ to take a ""time-out?""" Talia, just because you happen to be Jewish, doesn't mean you can make fun of someone desecrating the Lord's body... -Talia, just because you happen to be Jewish, doesn't mean you can make fun of someone desecrating the Lord's body... Yes, it does. -Man asswipe, you made my enormous cock fall off... I don't know about you dickweeds, but I gotta go take a nice, long juicy dump. -College was entertaining, Wichita, but after 40 days and 40 nights of this, I really think we're going to get to know each... Ooh look, time to confiscate my first water balloon... -...and it hurts too much to keep these feelings inside me any longer... Talia, you know how important our friendship is to me and I would never do anything to... -Talia, you know how important our friendship is to me and I would never do anything to... """...how important our friendship..."" Not that old--Oh God, what have I done?" -"""...how important our friendship..."" Not that old--Oh God, what have I done?" Talia, you're a wonderful person... -Talia, you're a wonderful person... Stop, stop, what was I thinking...out in the wilderness. Under the stars. I've ruined every-- -Stop, stop, what was I thinking...out in the wilderness. Under the stars. I've ruined every-- I just never thought of you in that... -I just never thought of you in that... "I gotta...I gotta go do a ""bunk check."" Or some fucking thing." -I have to get up. Still more to do. That boy hates Asian people. That girl thinks she gave her Mom cancer by dropping a plate on her hand. Her daddy touches her. His daddy never touches him. It would have been cooler if I'd died. "Wendy, I'll come back later. ] ] WENDY ] Why does every ten year old know ] what they want to be when they grow ] up, but then as you actually grow ] up, you forget every--The girls are ] big on ""Veterinarian"" this year-- ] I think it could be the ""ballerina"" ] of this century. ]" -Isn't this the time where one of us says something deeply offensive to the other one...We're just so different. So what? ] -So what? ] Yeah, why should we let our actual personalities get in the way of us falling in love? -Yes! God yes! I would tell her that I love her! To not let anyone take away her dreams..! "You should grab her and shake her ] and tell her it's a goddamn war out ] there. Idiots and assholes and ] sadists that must be defeated. Tell ] them her the truth! ] ] WENDY ] The truth is a lie! Yes, television ] is rotting our brains! Yes, people ] kill people easier than ever! Does ] that mean we give up! I think every ] child is capable of being talented, ] happy, and great. I'm probably wrong, ] but you know something, it's good ] to be wrong. ] ] WICHITA ] ] You might be right...Wendy, you're ] fantastic. I can't stop adoring ] you... ] ] What I thought was lust, was only ] love...You think I'm scared, scared ] of love...Love conquers all...Maybe ] I don't want to be conquered. ""Share ] my life""--I barely got enough for ] myself...But we were in the picture ] together...the picture.... ] ] WENDY ] What are you talking about? What ] picture... ] ] WICHITA Just forget--You didn't bring me out here to help me change. You brought me out here to punish me." -"You should grab her and shake her ] and tell her it's a goddamn war out ] there. Idiots and assholes and ] sadists that must be defeated. Tell ] them her the truth! ] ] WENDY ] The truth is a lie! Yes, television ] is rotting our brains! Yes, people ] kill people easier than ever! Does ] that mean we give up! I think every ] child is capable of being talented, ] happy, and great. I'm probably wrong, ] but you know something, it's good ] to be wrong. ] ] WICHITA ] ] You might be right...Wendy, you're ] fantastic. I can't stop adoring ] you... ] ] What I thought was lust, was only ] love...You think I'm scared, scared ] of love...Love conquers all...Maybe ] I don't want to be conquered. ""Share ] my life""--I barely got enough for ] myself...But we were in the picture ] together...the picture.... ] ] WENDY ] What are you talking about? What ] picture... ] ] WICHITA Just forget--You didn't bring me out here to help me change. You brought me out here to punish me." Nobody really changes at summer camp. They merely find out who they are and become it more than ever. You can't be helped, Wichita. I'm not sure you can be punished, either. But let's find out... -Nobody really changes at summer camp. They merely find out who they are and become it more than ever. You can't be helped, Wichita. I'm not sure you can be punished, either. But let's find out... How do you mean? ] -What in the hell did you do that for? I-unno...Don't worry, I had everything on the hand memorized. -I-unno...Don't worry, I had everything on the hand memorized. That's not what I was worried about. -Hey. Hey--that coffee? You're a goddess. Gimme, gimme...So what you gals talk about? -Oh you know, Bosnia, the importance of the right to vote... Yeah, we talked about sex, too. Oberon must be sweating in his sleep. -Yeah, we talked about sex, too. Oberon must be sweating in his sleep. We had fun. I even got along with Talia-- for about three minutes. I don't know why she hates me so much... -We had fun. I even got along with Talia-- for about three minutes. I don't know why she hates me so much... Yes you do. -Yes you do. Yeah. I guess I do. -Yeah. I guess I do. Talia's a rock. She'll be fine... -Ann Taylor would have paid a lot more, but I wouldn't trade this experience for the world. Sometimes the first time you understand anything is when you have to explain it to someone younger-- You think I'm a big dork don't you? I think your passion is terrific. -I think your passion is terrific. I think your condescension is even better. -We have more in common than you think, Wendy dear. I loved summer camp when I was young and I love it now. It's important. Between school, family, friends, pot, playstations, basic cable, and the goddamn Internet, it's possible to go your whole life without listening to your soul. Out here, in nature, away from the shit, surrounded by reminders of who I once was...I get recharged. Now who's the dork? Gosh, this is really a great conversation--I can't believe I said that out loud. -Gosh, this is really a great conversation--I can't believe I said that out loud. You know, this reminds me of the time we were talking about something and then just started kissing... -Do you really not believe in God? It's okay, there's a lot of things I don't believe in... -What else don't you believe in? Talking while kissing. -So this is it, anybody you don't agree about everything with can't be your friend... Iunno. -Iunno. """Iunno."" I'm really beginning to hate that word of yours. I'm sorry for sounding hostile, but I'm not sorry for..." -"""Iunno."" I'm really beginning to hate that word of yours. I'm sorry for sounding hostile, but I'm not sorry for..." Don't be. Don't be sorry for your thoughts. They make me...react. I don't know...all I know is that I can't go through another summer where I almost did something. -When were you in Niagara Falls? About ten years a--why...Don't look at these...Come on...Stop. -Todd was out there blocking the ] entrance. You would have been proud ] of me...My suit of armor is starting to come off. Not all of it, but enough to walk around... And you'll be happy to know I'm going to drop my Snow White and the Seventy Dwarves act...Not all of it, but... -And you'll be happy to know I'm going to drop my Snow White and the Seventy Dwarves act...Not all of it, but... I was thinking...if we could mesh my way of thinking with your way ] of thinking, we could really do some ] great counseling. It's all about ] the evolution of the species, we ] can improve... ] -I was thinking...if we could mesh my way of thinking with your way ] of thinking, we could really do some ] great counseling. It's all about ] the evolution of the species, we ] can improve... ] "I love you. Don't say I love you, too. I hate that--""love you, too.""" -"I love you. Don't say I love you, too. I hate that--""love you, too.""" I know what you mean. But it doesn't put me in too great a position... -I know what you mean. But it doesn't put me in too great a position... Don't worry, you... -Fuck off. I should leave. You probably need your rest. -I should leave. You probably need your rest. Probably. -Are you allowed to do it more than once a night? It's been known to happen. -Excuse me, Counselor Wendy, I need assistance in finding that important...thingie in the storage room. Oh my gosh, why didn't you say something earlier... -Do you really think we're fooling anyone? Do you really think I care? -She got a little poison oak and started screaming for assisted suicide. Be nice. Her father died in that TWA flight the government shot down...You know I'm going to be in the city next week. My mom says it's okay that I stay overnight at your dorm...It'll be nice to see you in ] a different shirt. ] ] WICHITA ] Oh, I didn't tell you. I wear this ] all year round. The chicks dig it... ] -Excuse me, Wichita, I can't seem to reach the top shelf in the storage room. Could you... Not now, Wendy. -Not now, Wendy. "This isn't about ""doing it."" I just think we need to talk some things out privately before..." -Ah, our last night at camp...I always knew it would be something special. What do you want me to say? -What do you want me to say? Something more interesting than that...How could you? How could--! -Something more interesting than that...How could you? How could--! "Stop! Stop it, this afternoon was not what you thought...I overheard you and Pixel, at the side of the mess hall, your idea about the ""test""...Do you believe me?" -"Stop! Stop it, this afternoon was not what you thought...I overheard you and Pixel, at the side of the mess hall, your idea about the ""test""...Do you believe me?" "Iunno. Of course I believe you. It's so you...I didn't think it was possible ] for you to make me feel worse, ] but...you're saying you deliberately ] destroyed us! I don't even get I'm- ] sorry-it-was-the-heat-of-the- ] moment... ] ] WICHITA ] I know, I'm...I'm evil. ] ] WENDY ] Oh that's right, baby, you're so ] ""evil."" You're, you're so ""dark""... ] ] WICHITA ] We should get back. ] ] WENDY ] You're not evil or dark...you're ] just scared. ]" -"Iunno. Of course I believe you. It's so you...I didn't think it was possible ] for you to make me feel worse, ] but...you're saying you deliberately ] destroyed us! I don't even get I'm- ] sorry-it-was-the-heat-of-the- ] moment... ] ] WICHITA ] I know, I'm...I'm evil. ] ] WENDY ] Oh that's right, baby, you're so ] ""evil."" You're, you're so ""dark""... ] ] WICHITA ] We should get back. ] ] WENDY ] You're not evil or dark...you're ] just scared. ]" Shut the fuck--! -"Next to ""boring,"" ""Sucks"" is the most painfully overused word in the current English language. I thought if I could reverse the meaning of ""sucks"" so it means something positive, I don't know...It would be vaguely revolutionary. It's kind of my social experiment for the summer. ""Suck"" is historically a nice word-- sno-cones, your mother's..." ] So that's one of the pearls from ] your mysterious journal? And all this ] time I thought you were restructuring ] the world's economy. ] -God, you're beautiful. Thank you, my love. ] -I'm still on anti-biotics, I really ] shouldn't be caffeining...Gosh, I've had a lot of daydreams about losing my virginity. Never one like this. For one, I wasn't a mutant. Secondly, I...What are you thinking? I'm just thinking I'm glad I broke up with everyone I ever went out with. The swelling is gonna go down, right? -Have you ever thought of instead ] of making children more equipped ] for reality, we should make reality ] more equipped for children? ] No. Fuck no. If you met yourself as a child, would you hug her and say everything's going to be okay... -"Two billion years of evolution and ] you're what we've come up with-- ] ""Wichita""--the hot, cool, tell-it- ] like-it-is counselor with a dark ] side. ]" What are you doing, Wendy? What's in that cup? -What are you doing, Wendy? What's in that cup? """Wichita""--The guy every boy wants ] to be and every girl wants to hold. ] You're the love of my life and the ] end of the world. Cheers. ]" -Sorry Veronica. Betty Finn. Gosh..... -I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to your birthday party last month. That's okay. Your Mom said you had a big date. Heck, I'd probably skip my own birthday party for a date. -Don't say that. Oh Ronnie, you have to look at what I dug up the other day. -I don't believe it. I'm winning. Don't get cocky, girl. -I missed you. I know I'm not as, as exciting as your other friends. That's bullshit. Just shoot. -Ronnie, I'm still a virgin. Shoot. -Betty, your daydreams are a lot better than my realities, believe me. I'm afraid though it's time to get your butt kicked. Ronnie! -Hey, you're not settling for the two shots are you? Knock me out girl. It's the only way. It's not my style, okay? -It's not my style, okay? Nice guys finish last. I should know. -So, are you a cheerleader? No, not at all. BRAD You're pretty enough to be one. -No, not at all. BRAD You're pretty enough to be one. Gee, thanks. -Gee, thanks. "It's so great to be able to talk to a girl and not have to ask ""What's your major?"" I hate that." -Ever since Phil Collins did that MTV anti-drug commercial I refuse everything. Phil Collins? Are you sure he isn't drinking and driving? -Phil Collins? Are you sure he isn't drinking and driving? Jeez, right, then why don't I do drugs? -Jeez, right, then why don't I do drugs? Hey, don't run away now. -How's my little cheerleader? Now I know everyone at your high school isn't so uptight, come on. Hey really, I don't feel so great. -Hey really, I don't feel so great. Let's do it on the coats. It'll be excellent. -I have a little prepared speech I give when my suitor wants more than I'd like to give him.... Gee Blank, I had a nice.... Save the speeches for Malcom X. I just wanna get laid. -Save the speeches for Malcom X. I just wanna get laid. You don't deserve my fucking speech! -If I got that money, I'd give it all to the poor. Every cent. You're beautiful. -Oh, I have to hear this. In my heart, Heather's still alive. -In my heart, Heather's still alive. What are you talking about? She hated you! You hated her! What are you smiling at? -I don't know. This thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Like last night, Veronica? -I'm sorry? I don't get it. You did last night. -Take a break Veronica, sit down. All right. -So what was the first week of Spring Vacation withdrawl like? I don't know, it was okay, I guess. -Goddamn. Will somebody please tell me why I read this spy crap. Because you're an idiot. -Because you're an idiot. Oh yeah, that's it. -All right. So what was the first day after Heather's suicide like? -So what was the first day after Heather's suicide like? I don't know, it was okay, I guess. -Goddamn. Will somebody please tell me why I smoke these damn things? Because you're an idiot. -Because you're an idiot. Oh yeah, that's it. -Hey Veronica, how'd that Teenage Prevention T.V. Suicide thing go? Color me educated. I learned high school happiness is for members only, Pauline Fleming wouldn't know reality if it lived in her uterus, and reality's name's Heather James. Also, J.D.'s a major creep. -Let me get it clear, Veronica. You want yourself a sweet homeboy for this T.V. show so you can show everybody what a loose, Martin Luther Cosby-lovng place Westerburg is. Something like that. Will you do it? -Something like that. Will you do it? Damn, you're a shrewd one. Shrewd. -Damn, you're a shrewd one. Shrewd. I just want to show different kinds of people can get together and it doesn't have to be Vietnam. You don't get treated badly here do you? -I just want to show different kinds of people can get together and it doesn't have to be Vietnam. You don't get treated badly here do you? I don't get treated at all, but hey, don't worry about it. I'll do your thing. It'll give my Mom a smile. -Things are going to change, Earl. Uh-huh. -Veronica. Finally. Got a paper of Kurt Kelly's. I need you to forge a hot and horny but realistically low-key note in Kurt's handwriting and we'll slip it into Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray. Shit, Heather. I don't have anything against Martha Dunnstock. -Shit, Heather. I don't have anything against Martha Dunnstock. You don't have anything for her either. Come on, it'll be Very. The note'll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks. -You don't have anything for her either. Come on, it'll be Very. The note'll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks. I'll think about it. -I'll think about it. Don't think. -Sawyer. Guess what today is? Ouch....the lunchtime poll. So what's the question? -Hey, this question wouldn't be that bizarro thing you were babbling about over the phone last...... Shut up, it is. I told Dennis if he gave me another topic that was political, I'd spew burrito chunks. -I was talking with someone! Color me impressed. I thought you grew out of Betty Finn. -If you're going to openly be a bitch.... I'm sorry, it's just why can't we talk to different kinds of people? -I'm sorry, it's just why can't we talk to different kinds of people? Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa? If I did, I probably wouldn't mind talking to the Geek Squad. -Doesn't it bother you that everyone in the school thinks you're a pirahna? Like I give a shit. They all want me, as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped at Westerburg and I'm only a Junior. -Like I give a shit. They all want me, as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped at Westerburg and I'm only a Junior. Pretend you're a missionary saving a colony of cootie victims. -Pretend you're a missionary saving a colony of cootie victims. Whatever. I don't believe this. We're going to a party at Remington University tonight and we're brushing up our conversation skills with the scum of the school. -Just imagine somebody like your quasi-fat, goody-good friend Betty Finn doing a Crest commercial. No one would buy Crest. Don't tell me. Crest would be stained with loserness. -Don't tell me. Crest would be stained with loserness. Yeah, and who wants that on their teeth? -You wanted to become a member of the most powerful clique in the school. If I wasn't already the head of it, I'd want the same thing. I'm sorry? What are you oozing about? -I'm sorry? What are you oozing about? That episode with the note back there was for all of us to enjoy, but you're determined to ruin my day. -That episode with the note back there was for all of us to enjoy, but you're determined to ruin my day. We made a girl want to consider suicide. What a scream. What a jest. -We made a girl want to consider suicide. What a scream. What a jest. Come on you jerk. You know you used to have a sense of humor. -Come on Heather. We want another look at today's lunch. Geez, don't listen to them. -J.D.? You seem pretty amused. I thought you were giving up on high school guys. Never say never. -Crap. So who's this Brad guy I've been set up with? Witty and urbane pre-lawyer or albino accountant? Don't worry. David says he's very so he's very. -What's your damage? Brad says you're being a real cooze. Heather, I feel awful, like I'm going to throw up. Can we jam, please? -Heather, I feel awful, like I'm going to throw up. Can we jam, please? No. Hell no. -You stupid cunt! You goddamn bitch! -You were nothing before you met me! You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn! You were a Brownie, you were a Bluebird, you were a Girl Scout Cookie! I got you into a Remington Party! What's my thanks? It's on the hallway carpet. I get paid in puke! Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up. -Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up. Monday morning, you're history. I'll tell everyone about tonight. Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerburg's going to let you play their reindeer games. -Veronica. And Jesse James. Quelle surprise. Hear about Veronica's affection for regurgitation? We both said a lot of things we didn't mean, last night. -We both said a lot of things we didn't mean, last night. Did we? How the hell'd you get in here? -Is this turnout weak or what? I had at least seventy more people at my funeral. Heather? Wha... -Heather? Wha... "Oh God Veronica, my afterlife is s-o-o boring. If I have to sing ""Kumbaya"" one more time..." -"Oh God Veronica, my afterlife is s-o-o boring. If I have to sing ""Kumbaya"" one more time..." What are you doing here?! -What are you doing here?! I made your favorite. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano. -Ku-urt, let's pa-arty. Ku-urt, I ne-ed an orgasm. -Grow up, Heather. Bulimia's so '86. Color me nauseous. -God, they won't expell him. They'll just suspend him for a week or something. He used a real gun. They should throw his ass in jail. -Anyway, I can say never to high school. I've got David. King David. -King David. "Maybe when you hit maturity you'll understand the diff between a Remington University man like David and a Westerburg boy like Ram ""Wham-bam- thank-you-maam"" Sweeney." -So tonight's the night. Are you two excited? I'm giving Veronica her shot. Her first Remington Party. Blow it tonight girl and it's keggers with kids all next year. -Where did you get these? Oh, I just had the nicest chat with Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously! It's scary how everyone's got a story to tell....Would you care to see the canoeing shots? -Oh, I just had the nicest chat with Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously! It's scary how everyone's got a story to tell....Would you care to see the canoeing shots? What do you want from me? -What do you want from me? Strength. Westerburg doesn't need mushy togetherness, it needs a leader. Heather Chandler was that leader but... -Strength. Westerburg doesn't need mushy togetherness, it needs a leader. Heather Chandler was that leader but... But she couldn't handle it. -I think you can. In Catcher in the Rye Holden says his ideal job'd be making sure some kids don't fall off a cliff. He doesn't realize if you pay too much attention to the kids, you'll back off the cliff yourself. Very very. The photographs? -Very very. The photographs? Don't worry. I'll ask you to do me a favor. You'll get the negatives and everything back then. -TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT! Some teenybopper rag says Big Fun wants to play a Prom. It could be Westerburg's if we can get everyone's John Hancock. -Yeah, she really wants to talk to you. Okay, I'm going, I'm going. Jesus... -Maybe you should see a doctor. Yeah, maybe. -Yeah, you know Holden Caulfield in the Catcher in the Rye wouldn't put up with their bogus nonsense. Well, you better move Holden out of the way or he's going to get spewed. -Don't worry. We'll work something out. Yes. Yes. We'll work something out. I swear to God. Won't we J.D.?...J.D.? -Guess who? Heather. -Hi everyone, door was open. Veronica, you missed it! Pauline and Whitney James were up there doing there suicide rap when the cops come in and announce that Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She gave the ticket girl at the Colfax theatre a suicide note then bellyflopped in front of a car. Is she dead? -Is she dead? That's the punchline. She's still alive, in stable condition. Another case of a geek trying to imitate the popular people of the school and failing miserably. Is that pate? -I said I was sorry. You are out of control. Heather and Kurt were a shock, but Martha Dumptruck, get crucial! She dialed suicide hotlines in her diapers. -You are out of control. Heather and Kurt were a shock, but Martha Dumptruck, get crucial! She dialed suicide hotlines in her diapers. You're not funny. Ouch! -What. A. Martyr. Understand; Martha couldn't take the heat so she got out of the kitchen. Just think what a better place the world would be if every nimrod followed her cue. Just shut up and turn on the radio. Hot Probs is on. -Just shut up and turn on the radio. Hot Probs is on. Oh shit, yeah. -Veronica! Color me stoked, girl. I've gotten everyone to sign this petition even the one who think BigFun are tuneless Eurofags. People love me! My God, you haven't signed! People love you but I know you. Jennifer Forbes told me the petition she signed was to put a jacuzzi in the cafeteria. And Doug Hylton... -People love you but I know you. Jennifer Forbes told me the petition she signed was to put a jacuzzi in the cafeteria. And Doug Hylton... "So some people need different kinds of ""convincing"" than others.... Hey, just sign the petition!" -"So some people need different kinds of ""convincing"" than others.... Hey, just sign the petition!" Don't talk to me like that. -Don't talk to me like that. It was J.D.'s idea! He made out the signature sheet and everything. Now will you sign it? -It was J.D.'s idea! He made out the signature sheet and everything. Now will you sign it? No. -No. Jealous much? -Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why are you such a MegaBitch? Because I can be! The same fucking cheek, goddamnit! Why are you pulling my dick? Do you think, do you really think, if Betty Finn's fairy godmother made her Cool, she'd still act nice and hang with her dweebette friends? No way! Uh-Uh! -Veronica, you look like hell. Yeah, I just got back. -What are you doing? Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town. -What's your damage, Heather? You ruined my... God, I'm so sure. Don't blame me, blame Heather. She told me to haul your ass into the caf pronto. Back me up, Heather. -God, aren't they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa? Oh sure, Pilgrims, Indians, tater tots; it's a real party continent. -God Veronica, drool much? His name's Jason Dean. He's in my American History. Give me the clipboard. -No way, no day! Give it up girl! -Watch it, Heather. You could actually be digesting food. Yeah, where's your urge to purge? -That was seriously warped, Veronica. Uh-huh. -Veronica. What are you doing tonight? Mourning. Maybe watch some T.V. Why? -Mourning. Maybe watch some T.V. Why? Ram asked me out, but he wants to double with Kurt and Kurt doesn't have a date. -Ram asked me out, but he wants to double with Kurt and Kurt doesn't have a date. Heather, I've got something going with J.D. -Heather, I've got something going with J.D. Please Veronica. Put Billy the Kid on hold tonight, I'll never forget it. -Shit. So did you call people to tell them how to get to the studio tonight? -What were you trying to do? Sleep? Suicide is a private thing. -You're giving your life away to become a goddamn statistic in U.S. Fucking A Today. That's got to be the least private thing I can think of. But what about Heather and Ram and Kurt? -But what about Heather and Ram and Kurt? If everyone jumped off a bridge, young lady, would you? -Probably.... Hey now, if you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host. -Hey now, if you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host. Let's knock off early. Go to the mall. Something lame like that. -Let's knock off early. Go to the mall. Something lame like that. Sure. -There are no stupid questions. If you inherit five million dollars the same day aliens tell the earth they're blowing us up in two days, what would you do? -If you inherit five million dollars the same day aliens tell the earth they're blowing us up in two days, what would you do? That's the stupidest question I've ever heard. -Probably just row on out to the middle of a lake. Bring along my sax, some tequila, and some Bach. How very. -You going to pull a Big Gulp with that? No, but if you're nice I'll let you buy me a Slurpee. You know your 7-11speak pretty well. -No, but if you're nice I'll let you buy me a Slurpee. You know your 7-11speak pretty well. I've been moved around all my life; Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas, Sherwood Ohio, there's always a 7-11. Any town, any time, I can pop a Ham and Cheese in the microwave and feast on a Big Wheel. Keeps me sane. -I've been moved around all my life; Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas, Sherwood Ohio, there's always a 7-11. Any town, any time, I can pop a Ham and Cheese in the microwave and feast on a Big Wheel. Keeps me sane. Really? That thing in the caf today was pretty severe. -Really? That thing in the caf today was pretty severe. The extreme always makes an impression, but you're right, it was severe. Did you say a Cherry or Coke Slurpee? -The extreme always makes an impression, but you're right, it was severe. Did you say a Cherry or Coke Slurpee? I didn't. Cherry. -Just a humble perk from my Dad's Construction company or should I say Deconstruction company? I don't know. Should you? -I don't know. Should you? "My father seems to enjoy tearing things down more than putting things up. Seen the commerical? ""Bringing every State to a Higher State.""" -"My father seems to enjoy tearing things down more than putting things up. Seen the commerical? ""Bringing every State to a Higher State.""" Time out....Jason Dean. Your Pop's Fred Dean Construction. Must be rough. Moving place to place. -Time out....Jason Dean. Your Pop's Fred Dean Construction. Must be rough. Moving place to place. Everybody's life's got static. Is your life perfect? -Everybody's life's got static. Is your life perfect? Sure, I'm on my way to a party at Remington University. -It's not perfect. I don't really like my friends. I don't really like your friends either. -I don't really like your friends either. It's like they're just people I work with and our job is being popular and shit. -It's like they're just people I work with and our job is being popular and shit. Maybe it's time for a vacation. -Dreadful etiquette. I apologize. S'okay.... -S'okay.... I saw the croquet set-up in the back. Up for a match? -That was my first game of Strip Croquet, you know. I thank you. You're welcome. It's a lot more interesting than just flinging off your clothes and boning away on the neighbor's swing set. -Now blah-blah-blah is all I do. I use my grand I.Q. to figure out what gloss to wear and how to hit three keggers before curfew. Some genius. Heather Chandler is one bitch that deserves to die. -Heather Chandler is one bitch that deserves to die. Killing her won't solve anything. -Killing her won't solve anything. A well-timed lightning bolt through her window and Monday morning, all the other heathers, shit, everybody would be cast fucking adrift. -A well-timed lightning bolt through her window and Monday morning, all the other heathers, shit, everybody would be cast fucking adrift. Well then, I'll pray for rain. -Well then, I'll pray for rain. See the condoms in the grass over there. We killed tonight, Veronica. We murdered our baby. -See the condoms in the grass over there. We killed tonight, Veronica. We murdered our baby. Hey, it was good for me too, Sparky. -Hey, it was good for me too, Sparky. Just saying it's not hard to end a life. -Just saying it's not hard to end a life. There's a big difference between the most popular girl in the school and dead sperm. -I guess I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I know exactly what the hell you're talking about and you're right, you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Let's just grow up, be adults, and die. -I know exactly what the hell you're talking about and you're right, you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Let's just grow up, be adults, and die. Good plan. -Good plan. But before that, I'd like to see Heather Chandler puke her guts out. -Trust me. She skips the Saturday morning trip to Grandma's even when she's not hungover. Then let's just concoct ourselves a little hangover cure that'll induce her to spew red, white, and blue. -I'm a Pine-Sol man, myself. Don't be a dick. That stuff'll kill her. -O-kay. We'll cook up some soup and put it in a Coke. Sick, eh? Now should it be Chicken-Noodle or Bean-with-Bacon? Man Veronica, pull the plug on that shit. I say we go with Big Blue. -What are you doing? You just can't go.....Besides, she'd never drink anything that looks like that. Okay we'll use this. She won't be able to tell what she's drinking. -Milk and orange juice. Hmmmm. Maybe we could cough a phlegm globber in it or something. Yeah, great. -No luck? Well, milk and orange juice'll do quite nicely. Quite nicely. Chick-en. -Chick-en. You're not funny. -Something tells me you picked up the wrong cup. No shit, sherlock. I can't believe it. I just killed my best friend. -No shit, sherlock. I can't believe it. I just killed my best friend. And your worst enemy. -And your worst enemy. Same difference. Oh jesus, I'm gonna... -"What are we going to tell the cops? ""Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge.""" Stop kidding around. I'm going to have to send my S.A.T. scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford. -Stop kidding around. I'm going to have to send my S.A.T. scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford. I'm just a little freaked, all right? You got what you wanted, you know. -I'm just a little freaked, all right? You got what you wanted, you know. It's one thing to want somebody out of your life. It's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup of Drano. -We did a murder. In Ohio, that's a crime. But if this was like a suicide thing..... Like a suicide thing? -Like a suicide thing? Adolescence is a period of life fraught with anxiety and confusion. -Adolescence is a period of life fraught with anxiety and confusion. I can do Heather's handwriting as well as my own. -"""You might think what I've done is shocking...""" """To me though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me.""" -"""To me though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me.""" "That's good, but Heather would never use the word ""myriad.""" -"That's good, but Heather would never use the word ""myriad.""" This is the last thing she'll ever write. She'll want to cash in on as many fifty-cent words as poss. -This is the last thing she'll ever write. She'll want to cash in on as many fifty-cent words as poss. "She missed ""myriad"" on a vocab test two weeks ago, all right?" -"She missed ""myriad"" on a vocab test two weeks ago, all right?" That only proves my point more. The word is a badge for her failures at school. -That only proves my point more. The word is a badge for her failures at school. "You're probably right...""People think just because you're beautiful and popular, life is easy and fun. Nobody understood I had feelings too.""" -"You're probably right...""People think just because you're beautiful and popular, life is easy and fun. Nobody understood I had feelings too.""" """I die knowing no one knew the real me.""" -"""I die knowing no one knew the real me.""" That's good. Have you done this before? -Mute! Next channel, darling. -Heather Chandler is more popular than ever now. Yeah. Scary stuff. -Jason, why don't you ask your little friend to stay for dinner. My Mom's making my favorite meal tonight. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano. -My Mom's making my favorite meal tonight. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano. Nice. The last time I saw my Mom, she was waving out the window of a library in Texas. Right, Dad? -What is this shit? I'm doing a favor for Heather. A double date. I tried to tell you at the funeral but you rode off. -So what? Don't smile like that, Jesus! Our love is God. Let's get a Slurpee. -I don't get the point of me writing a suicide note when we'll just be shooting them with blanks. Get crucial. We won't be using blanks this time. -Get crucial. We won't be using blanks this time. You can't be serious? Hey listen, my Bonnie-and-Clyde days are over. -Do you take German? French. -These are Ich Luge bullets. My grandfather snared a shitload of them in W.W. Two. They're like tranquilizers only they break the surface of the skin, enough to cause blood, but not any real harm. So it looks like the person's been shot and killed when they're really just unconscious and bleeding. -First tell me this similarity is not incredible. Incredible similarity. -Ram and I died the day we realized we could never reveal our forbidden love to an uncaring and ununderstanding world. The joy we shared in each other's arms was greater than any touchdown. Yet we were forced to live the lie of Sexist- Beer Guzzling-Jock-Asshole. Exquisite, but I don't think ununderstanding is a word. -Exquisite, but I don't think ununderstanding is a word. We don't want to make them out to be too secretly eloquent. Why would the Germans invent a bullet that doesn't kill people? I mean it was World War Two, not a school play. -We don't want to make them out to be too secretly eloquent. Why would the Germans invent a bullet that doesn't kill people? I mean it was World War Two, not a school play. They used them on themselves to make it look like they were dead. Really quite a brilliant device, but too flamboyant to seriously produce. -They used them on themselves to make it look like they were dead. Really quite a brilliant device, but too flamboyant to seriously produce. Neat. Let's try it out on J.F.K. -It doesn't work on small animals! Oh. -Oh. Uh well hey, let's take a look at the homosexual artifacts I dug up. Now, prepare to be a little disappointed. -We've got a Playgirl, a candy dish, a Joan Crawford post card, and lipstick. You must have had fun. -You must have had fun. You know it. Oh man, I almost forgot. The one perfecto thing I picked up... -Perrier water! Oh come on. Lots of people drink Perrier. It's come a long way. -Oh come on. Lots of people drink Perrier. It's come a long way. This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewsky in your hand after dark you might as well be wearing a dress. -This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewsky in your hand after dark you might as well be wearing a dress. Oh, you're so smart. How about a little heterosexuality before we go? -Did you miss him completely? Yeah, but don't worry, it was worth it just to see the look on.... -Yeah, but don't worry, it was worth it just to see the look on.... Don't move! I'll get him back! -Kurt doesn't look too good. Remember he's left-handed. -We killed them, didn't we? Of course. -You believed it because you wanted to believe it. Your true feelings were too gross and icky for you to face. I did not want them dead. -I did not want them dead. Did to. -Did to. Did not. -Did not. Did to. -Did to. Did not. -Football season's over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing to offer the school but date-rapes and A.I.D.S. jokes. Sure. Can we make an ice run before the funeral? -Your son's dead and you love him. How do you think Mr. Kelly would react to a son with a limp wrist with a pulse? -Can't you see this is a special moment? I was just making it more special. -You shoulda stuck around, jerk. Ms. Fleming wants to redefine the high school experience. She wants to ignore the high school experience. Our way's better. We scare people into not being assholes. -She wants to ignore the high school experience. Our way's better. We scare people into not being assholes. Don't even talk about that stuff! -You can be so immature! You kids are making too much damn noise. -Let's just...settle down. Ms. Fleming has given us a chance to atone for... Our sins? What sins? If you put a Nazi in a concentration camp, does that make you a Nazi? -Our sins? What sins? If you put a Nazi in a concentration camp, does that make you a Nazi? Maybe. -We're breaking up. I am out! Wha-at? Come on, there's another T.V. in the kitchen. You know you used to have a sense of humor. -You're getting too cool for me, J.D. I don't know how to talk to you. Our relationship's moving fast, I know, but I have real, real respect for you. -I'm going to make this Ms. Pauline thing work. Lines of communication between the cliques. You were a phase.... Phase my ass! You'll be back! I'm storming Normandy beaches and you're running in place with Pauline Fonda's airhead peacenik exercise program. Have to stay tough! You'll be back. -Catch a movie? Miniature Golf? I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open and making it look like a suicide. -I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open and making it look like a suicide. I could be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in Heather's copy of Catcher in the Rye, if you know what I mean. So are we on? -It's over, J.D. Over! I don't get it! You were wrong! I was right! Strength, damnit! Come back! -Get off my bed, you sick psycho! You think you're a rebel! You're not a rebel! You're a sick psycho! Do you think you're a rebel? Do you think you're a rebel? I wanna know! """You say tomayto, I say tomahto. Let's call the whole thing off...Hold it!" -Look at that. Eskimo. One word. I love it. I usually go for whole sentences myself, but hey this is perfecto. Eskimo. So mysterious... Wait a....You're not listening! I'm not on your side.... -You're still not listening! I'm not.. Nag, nag, nag, nag. nag. -Nag, nag, nag, nag. nag. This knife is filthy. -This knife is filthy. What in the hell do you think I'm doing? Taking out her tonsils? -What in the hell do you think I'm doing? Taking out her tonsils? I think I know Heather a bit better than you, okay? If she was going to slash her wrists, the knife would be absolutely spotless. -Tomorrow someone else will move into her place. That person could be me. Ha, there's only one of us who knows Heather's handwriting and if you think I'm doing another suicide note. You don't get it, do you? Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself. We don't need gloves and does anyone really care about exact handwriting? -If you'll excuse me...... No-o! -I knew that loose was too noose! I mean, noose too loose! Goddamn you! Like father, like son. A serious-as- fuck bomb in the boiler room that'll set off a pack of thermals upstairs. Okay, so let's start by slowly putting the bomb down on the ground. -Okay, okay. I knew that. I knew that. Put your hands on your head. You didn't say Simon Says. -It's all over, J.D. Help me to stop it. You want to wipe the slate clean as much as I do. Okay, so maybe I am killing everyone in the school because nobody loves me. You have a purpose though! Remember? Let's face it, the only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven. -How do you turn the fucker off? You're not listening. People are going to look at the ashes of Westerburg and say there's a school that self-destructed not because society didn't care, but because that school was society. Is that deep or what? I'll let you put it in your diary, babe. Free of charge. -You're not listening. People are going to look at the ashes of Westerburg and say there's a school that self-destructed not because society didn't care, but because that school was society. Is that deep or what? I'll let you put it in your diary, babe. Free of charge. The bomb, asshole! -The bomb, asshole! Just push the red button twice. That's what stops it. If that's what you want, babe? -Just push the red button twice. That's what stops it. If that's what you want, babe? You know what I want, babe? -You know what I want, babe? What? -You really fucked me up, Veronica. I thought I...you.. -I thought I...you.. You've got power, Veronica. Power I didn't think you had. The slate is clean. -Who does that new kid think he is with that coat? Bo Diddley? Veronica is into his act. No doubt. -Veronica is into his act. No doubt. Let's kick his ass. -Let's kick his ass. Shit, we're seniors, Ram. Too old for that crap. Let's give him a scare though. -You going to eat this? What did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio? -What did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio? Answer him dick! -Answer him dick! Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a No Fags Allowed Rule? -We on tonight man? I still got to talk to Heather, dude. Weird funeral, huh? -I still got to talk to Heather, dude. Weird funeral, huh? Pretty weird. -That pudwapper just stepped on my foot. Let's kick his ass. -Let's kick his ass. Cool off, we're seniors. -Cool off, we're seniors. Goddamn Geek! -Is it sleeping, dude? I think so, man. -I think so, man. Then get over on my side. Oh shit, cowtipping is the fucking greatest. -Then get over on my side. Oh shit, cowtipping is the fucking greatest. Punch it in! -Sex and Drugs and HBO is all I ever need! Whoa! Can you hear me! Hello Tokyo! I said Sex and Drugs and... Shut the fuck up, all right. -Shut the fuck up, all right. Lighten up, dude. In those woods is some of the finest pussy in the school and we don't even have to buy it a hamburger and a Diet Coke. Punch it in! -Hey kid, isn't the prom coming up? I guess. -I guess. Any contestants worth mentioning? -Any contestants worth mentioning? Maybe. There's kind of a dark horse now in the running. -You two.... Great pate, but I'm going to have to motor if I want to be ready for the party tonight. -Terrible thing. So will we get to meet this dark horse prom contender? Maybe. -You two.... Greate pate, but I'm going to have to motor if I want to be ready for the funeral tomorrow. -How was the funeral? Superb. -Turn that back on! This condescending junk makes suicide seem like a cool thing to do. Hey kids, make your parents and teachers feel like shit! Get the respect in death you'll never get in life. -Everybody cares for youth but nobody cares about Joey Blow. When that news reporter gets home he'll scream at his son for not mowing the lawn in the right pattern. I'm lost. You don't get enough attention, you get too much attention. Which is it? Where are your shoes? -I'm lost. You don't get enough attention, you get too much attention. Which is it? Where are your shoes? All we want is to be treated like human beings, not like guinea pigs to be experimented on and not like bunny rabbits to be patronized. -Dear Veronica, Heather was your soulmate.....Share. Heather was cool, but cruel. The good looks and bad manners gave her power, but it could not give her happiness. -Everyone take their places on the stage! Isn't this thrilling?! But Ms. Fleming, it's just not right. -But Ms. Fleming, it's just not right. What, the wine? I realize you're all under 21, but it seemed like such a perfect touch. Could we get some more light up here? -Veronica! J.D. told me you committed suicide last night! Where is he? Where's J.D.? -Where is he? Where's J.D.? We have to talk. Whether to kill yourself is one of the most important decisions a teenager has to make. -We have to talk. Whether to kill yourself is one of the most important decisions a teenager has to make. Get a job. -"Heather Chandler, Kurt Kelly, and Rupert ""Ram"" Sweeney all had good looks and popularity, but there's one thing they didn't have: Values, Ambition, and Hope." That's three things. -That's three things. It rained everyday of my Maui vacation, but hey, I didn't kill myself. I'm Whitney James, Commentary. -I got a confession to make. My name used to be Heather, too. But my name's not... -But my name's not... People just don't take the name Heather seriously. They should, shouldn't they? -I'm so sorry. I was led to believe there were going to be different kinds of social and psychological types at this gathering. Oh, I was scared of the same thing, Heather. The minute you try to deal with the actual teenagers who have contemplated suicide you're stepping into quicksand. Quicksand filled with bad complexions, bad grades, bad parents, bad drugs, and all sorts of doody nobody wants to hear let alone bend down to clean up. -The world wants winners, I guess. Not people stained with loserness. Stained with loserness. Oh, I like it. Can I use that. It'd be dynamite on interoffice memoranda. -Stained with loserness. Oh, I like it. Can I use that. It'd be dynamite on interoffice memoranda. It's all yours, Heather. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go throw up. -It's all yours, Heather. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go throw up. Sure. Ciao. -"Mummy has a special technique called ""Deep Therapy.""" What's that? -What's that? I'm not sure . . . but it's proving to be very popular! -I adore anything to do with the arts. We're pretty handy with model making, too, eh? -I've never cottoned on to Plasticine like you girls, but I enjoy making things out of wood. Are you a carpenter, Mr. Rieper? HERBERT shakes his head. -Are you a carpenter, Mr. Rieper? HERBERT shakes his head. I work at Dennis Brothers Fish Supply. -This story of yours-maybe the school newspaper will print it when it's finished. Actually, Mr. Rieper . . . it's a novel, and we'll be sending it to New York. That's where all the big publishing houses are based. -Actually, Mr. Rieper . . . it's a novel, and we'll be sending it to New York. That's where all the big publishing houses are based. Is that a fact! You'd better put me name down for an advance copy! -Let's have 'em now, while they're fresh, eh, Nora? playfully shoves his hand away. -playfully shoves his hand away. I'll think you'll find our Mr. Bayliss is not keen on seafood. I've got lamb chops in the 'frigerator. -I'll think you'll find our Mr. Bayliss is not keen on seafood. I've got lamb chops in the 'frigerator. sighs as HONORA puts the frying pan on the stove. -Come on! Sausage rolls. Come on through. -Come on through. and Pauline hurriedly work together, setting out plates and cutlery. -and Pauline hurriedly work together, setting out plates and cutlery. Look who I've found! -Look who I've found! whips off her pinny as HERBERT leads Juliet into the dining room. -I've booked you in for a chest X-ray . . . just to be on the safe side. pops a couple more potatoes on Pauline's plate. HERBERT glances at Pauline. -pops a couple more potatoes on Pauline's plate. HERBERT glances at Pauline. Thought I'd have a go at building the birdhouse on Saturday . . . anyone want to give me a hand? -Yvonne hasn't been herself, either. Locking herself away in her room . . . endlessly writing. sits down next to Honora, glass of sherry in hand. -No arguments there, Dr. Hulme! All that time inside working on those novels of theirs. They don't get fresh air or exercise! frowns at Henry. -waves a pair of new socks around. The family laughing and talking. Pauline is not participating. She is leaning back, looking morose. HONORA looks at her with concern. Is it hurting, dear? -is chopping firewood in the back garden. HONORA approaches him. I've just had Hilda Hulme on the phone. -I've just had Hilda Hulme on the phone. What now? -What now? She says Juliet's in a terrible state . . . -accompanies Hilda into the hallway. breaks down into heavy sobs. -I'd better be getting back. Bye, love. pulls his coat on. HONORA gives him a peck cheek. -pulls his coat on. HONORA gives him a peck cheek. Bye. -Bye. Have a nice outing, you lot. -wanders out. HONORA turns to Pauline and Juliet. Well . . . I better make myself a bit more presentable. -Hello! Well? Tell us! How'd it go? -Got an A, Mum! glows with pride. STEVE is emptying his pockets on the bench. HONORA pats STEVE's hand. -He's the manager! leads a young man-JOHN-into the dining room. -I spent a wretched night. It would be wonderful if I could get tuberculosis, too. comes in with a breakfast tray: bacon and eggs, tea and toast. -comes in with a breakfast tray: bacon and eggs, tea and toast. Come on, sit up. -Come on, sit up. I'm not hungry. -I'm not hungry. You've got to eat, Yvonne. You hardly touched our dinner. I'm not having you falling ill. -You've got to eat, Yvonne. You hardly touched our dinner. I'm not having you falling ill. I just want to be on my own for a while. -I just want to be on my own for a while. starts to cut up a slice of bacon and offers it to Pauline. -starts to cut up a slice of bacon and offers it to Pauline. You may have forgotten that you were once a very sick little girl, but I haven't! -You may have forgotten that you were once a very sick little girl, but I haven't! holds up a loaded fork. Pauline reluctantly takes it. -holds up a loaded fork. Pauline reluctantly takes it. Do you think Juliet could stay here while her parents are away? -Do you think Juliet could stay here while her parents are away? Juliet's infectious . . . she'll be going to hospital. -Juliet's infectious . . . she'll be going to hospital. But she'll have no one to look after her! -But she'll have no one to look after her! Her parents won't be going overseas now . . . they'll have to cancel their trip. Don't worry about Juliet. -I had a nasty foreboding feeling at first, but now I realise my crime was too frightful for an ordinary lecture. From now on, you're sleeping in the house, where we can keep an eye on you. -If you think for one minute that your father and I will tolerate this sort of behaviour, you've got another thing coming! You're only 14!!! You're a child! What on earth's the matter with you, Yvonne? You know what can happen with boys . . . Don't you have any self-respect? sighs. -sighs. Can I go now? -Can I go now? grabs Pauline by the shoulders. -My God, what a disgrace you are! You shame me, you shame the family. You're nothing but a cheap little tart! Well, I guess I take after you then! -Well, I guess I take after you then! whirls around and slaps Pauline on the cheek. -whirls around and slaps Pauline on the cheek. You ran off with Dad when you were only 17! Nana Parker told me! -You ran off with Dad when you were only 17! Nana Parker told me! steps back. -My name is Gina! It's a letter from the school . . . from Miss Stewart. -It's a letter from the school . . . from Miss Stewart. What does old Stew want? -What does old Stew want? She says the standard of your work is slipping. At this rate she doesn't think you'll get School Certificate. -She says the standard of your work is slipping. At this rate she doesn't think you'll get School Certificate. Who cares! -Who cares! I care . . . your father cares . . . we want you to have a good education. -I care . . . your father cares . . . we want you to have a good education. I'm educating myself! -I'm educating myself! You're failing English . . . you used to be top of the class- PAULINE I'm doing my own writing! -You're failing English . . . you used to be top of the class- PAULINE I'm doing my own writing! snatches up an exercise book from a large pile. -snatches up an exercise book from a large pile. These stories are not going to get you School Certificate! You don't seriously think anyone's going to publish them? -These stories are not going to get you School Certificate! You don't seriously think anyone's going to publish them? What do you know? You wouldn't know the first thing about writing. You're the most ignorant person I've ever met! -What do you know? You wouldn't know the first thing about writing. You're the most ignorant person I've ever met! is very angry. -is very angry. You're rude . . . rude and insolent! I don't see why I should keep a horrid child like you at school a minute longer. -You're rude . . . rude and insolent! I don't see why I should keep a horrid child like you at school a minute longer. I don't wanna be in bloody school! -I don't wanna be in bloody school! All right! You go out there and get a job and you damn well pay your own way! -I'm bloody dressing as fast as I can, for God's sake! Open this door! -The Hulmes will look after me. They want me to live with them! Don't be so ridiculous. You're our daughter, you belong here with us. -Don't be so ridiculous. You're our daughter, you belong here with us. I belong with Deborah! We're going to South Africa! -I belong with Deborah! We're going to South Africa! You're not going anywhere. You're 15 years old!! -You're not going anywhere. You're 15 years old!! You have to let me go! -You have to let me go! stands and walks toward the door. -I felt thoroughly depressed and even quite seriously considered committing suicide. Life seems so much not worth the living, death such an easy way out. Love, you can still write to each other. -I bet he pitches a tent in the middle of their bedroom, and they have to pretend to be on some mountain! That's enough, Yvonne! -You have it. Oh, no. I'm watching my figure. -Look, Mother! looks down at the ground in front of her. -And so, in a blazing fury, Charles runs Lancelot Trelawney through with his sword . . . leaving Deborah free to accept Charles's proposal of marriage! and HERBERT exchange a glance. HONORA smiles at Juliet. -and HERBERT exchange a glance. HONORA smiles at Juliet. I've heard your mother on 3YA. The Woman's Session has lots of lively debate. -I've heard your mother on 3YA. The Woman's Session has lots of lively debate. Well, actually, Mummy's left that programme now . . she's far too busy with The Marriage Guidance Council. -I wouldn't want my private business being discussed with a complete stranger! Oh, no . . . Mummy's awfully good at it. -I'm so happy to see you! hurries over. -hurries over. It's best not to get too close. Juliet's still not a hundred percent. Hello, Juliet! We've bought you some fruit. -It's best not to get too close. Juliet's still not a hundred percent. Hello, Juliet! We've bought you some fruit. Thank you so much! -That's coming along well! I'm the Matron's favourite patient and she's shown me her special stitch! -I'm saving them for a rainy day. gives her a sympathetic look. -gives her a sympathetic look. I know it's hard for you being in here, but it is for the good of your health. -I know it's hard for you being in here, but it is for the good of your health. "They sent me off to the Bahamas ""for the good of my health."" They sent me to the Bay of bloody Islands ""for the good of my health.""" -"They sent me off to the Bahamas ""for the good of my health."" They sent me to the Bay of bloody Islands ""for the good of my health.""" looks startled at the outburst. -looks startled at the outburst. I'm sorry, Mrs. Rieper. I'm feeling quite fatigued. -I'm sorry, Mrs. Rieper. I'm feeling quite fatigued. We don't want to tire you out, dear. -We don't want to tire you out, dear. stands and picks up her handbag. Pauline stands and Juliet grabs her hand. -stands and picks up her handbag. Pauline stands and Juliet grabs her hand. Can't you stay a bit longer, Paul? -Hello! Hello, Juliet. Juliet take off her jacket. -Hello, Juliet. Juliet take off her jacket. Oh-what a nice outfit! -Oh-what a nice outfit! Thank you. I bought it especially, Mrs. Rieper. -is bending down, pulling a tray of sausage rolls into the oven. Both girls look at HONORA silently. turns around and Juliet presents her with a brown paper bag. -turns around and Juliet presents her with a brown paper bag. Fruit. -Fruit. Oh! I'll pop them in a bowl. -But you're not fat, Mrs. Rieper! I put on a lot of weight over Christmas. -Mummy! Mummy! -She's terribly hurt . . . Somebody's got to help us! -0h, God . . . I'm so sorry! It doesn't matter. -It doesn't matter. Of course it matters! It's Mario! -I think I'm dying . . . Don't . . . please! Please, don't! -I wish James would do a religious picture . . . he'd be perfect as Jesus! Daddy says the Bible's a load of bunkum! -But, we're all going to Heaven! I'm not! I'm going to the Fourth World! It's like Heaven, only better because there aren't any Christians. -James will be there . . . and Mario! Only they'll be saints. Saint Mario! -To be known as He! He . . . -Him. Him . . . -This. This . . . -That. That . . . -He flings open the door and launches himself at the bed, ravishing her! God, yes! -What? It's so beautiful! -It's so beautiful! What??? -I shall call him Diello. You're such an incredible woman. -You're such an incredible woman. I couldn't have done it without you, Charles. -You'll never guess what's happened!! What?? -What?? John has fallen in love with me! -John has fallen in love with me! That idiot boarder? -How do you know? Did he tell you? Well . . . no. But it's so obvious. -I think I'm going crazy. No, you're not, Gina-it's everybody else who is bonkers! -No, you're not, Gina-it's everybody else who is bonkers! Let's go overseas . . . -Let's go overseas . . . You mean travel by ourselves? -Stay still or they'll be blurry . . . Hurry up! I'm freezing! -Hurry up! I'm freezing! Just a couple more . . . -Just a couple more . . . I know, I'll lean forward and show more cleavage! -I'm sure they'll notice things missing. They'll blame the bloody housekeeper. She nicks stuff all the times! -This lot's got to be worth 50 quid! I can try my father's safe. I'm sure I can get the keys to his office. -I can try my father's safe. I'm sure I can get the keys to his office. That's great! We'll have the fare in no time! -I thought he was supposed to be terribly ill. That was what we were led to believe . . . -Poor Mother was completely taken in. Do you think Bloody Bill's trying to get into her draws? -Do you think Bloody Bill's trying to get into her draws? Too right . . . but he doesn't have a show! Nobody gets into Mother's draws except Daddy! -Poor Father . . . Don't worry, Gina! Mummy and Daddy love each other. -But that's not true! I've got one. I need my sodding parents' consent. -I'm coming with you. Yes . . . -Yes . . . I know what to do about mother. -Mummy! Mummy! -Let's go upstairs, Deborah. I wrote the last 10 pages of my opera last night. All right, then. -It's a three-act story with a tragic end. Your mother is a rather miserable woman . . . isn't she? -Your mother is a rather miserable woman . . . isn't she? I thought for hours about whether Carmelita should accept Bernard's marriage proposal . . . -I thought for hours about whether Carmelita should accept Bernard's marriage proposal . . . I think she knows what's going to happen . . . she doesn't appear to bear us any grudge! -Bye, Dad. Goodbye, Mr. Rieper. -Isn't it beautiful! Let's go for a walk down here . . . come on, Mummy! -Are you a dream too? Still hallucinating as well. Hmm... -Still hallucinating as well. Hmm... What just happened to me anyway? It looked like a dream but it felt like reality. -What just happened to me anyway? It looked like a dream but it felt like reality. It's the morphine Trevor. You're on so much of it, you could be asleep and dreaming even with your eyes wide open. -Where's Kirsty? Where's my wife? Your wife...? -What's happening to me? What are you doing? You came in for your EEG. You fell asleep and well, I took the liberty of...I'm sorry. You looked like a wreck Trevor. -Well? What do you say Trevor? Que pasa? Let me see. Oh yeah. My head feels like it's going through a meat grinder. I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or... -Let me see. Oh yeah. My head feels like it's going through a meat grinder. I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or... That `poor me' attitude doesn't suit you Trevor. Listen, I don't mean to sound like Pollyanna but things could be worse. There's one good thing about coming so near to the end of ones life. Everything is new and exciting, like your seeing it for the first time. You might see things a litlle differently from now on. -That `poor me' attitude doesn't suit you Trevor. Listen, I don't mean to sound like Pollyanna but things could be worse. There's one good thing about coming so near to the end of ones life. Everything is new and exciting, like your seeing it for the first time. You might see things a litlle differently from now on. Your insight is enlightening. -Your insight is enlightening. No wisdom, no insight, no plan. -Allison? Why can't remember what happened to my wife? Is it something I'm on that's... that's making me forget? Easy there Trevor. You need to relax. -Easy there Trevor. You need to relax. No I need to remember. Look whatever it is take me off it. I can handle pain. I can't handle not knowing... -No I need to remember. Look whatever it is take me off it. I can handle pain. I can't handle not knowing... You need to get better first Trevor. Way better. It's okay to miss somebody. It's okay to still love someone after they're gone. But you've got to quit blaming yourself okay...? Okay? -These hallucinations I'm having. I think they're more like memories coming back to me in a strange way. Well that's not necessarily a bad thing is it? -Well that's not necessarily a bad thing is it? If they're blocked memories... I'm starting to realize the reason why I blocked them out. Allison I think I really... screwed everything up. -If they're blocked memories... I'm starting to realize the reason why I blocked them out. Allison I think I really... screwed everything up. Shh. Don't blame yourself Trevor. Please. -Shh. Don't blame yourself Trevor. Please. I miss her. I miss my wife. -Well Trevor? What have you got to say for yourself? Que pasa? Allison we have GOT to talk about this medication you've got me on. -Allison we have GOT to talk about this medication you've got me on. I'm all over it. -You're one tough cookie, Trevor Gooding. You keep coming back to your corner for a quick fix up then go right back out into the ring for another round. Some call it resilience. Others, stupidity. -Of course, yes. The way you just looked at me... -The way you just looked at me... I know, my bedside manner's horrendous. -So, I'm done. Thats it for today? All finished. -Hint. It's not a geographical location. I'm stumped. -I'm stumped. It's inside a moving car. -It's inside a moving car. Bull... -I've got numbers to back me up. Over the course of one year more Americans die in car accidents than did during the entire span of World War II. Okay so... what's the safest place? -Millions of people around the world get on busses every day. When was the last time you heard of anybody anywhere dying on a public transit bus? Okay Mr. Statistics I've got one for you. What's the most common cause of death for adults over the age of eighteen? -Okay Mr. Statistics I've got one for you. What's the most common cause of death for adults over the age of eighteen? Please. Heart attack. That was easy street. -Please. Heart attack. That was easy street. Second most common? -Second most common? Skin cancer. -Skin cancer. Eighty third most common. -Eighty third most common. Pitbull attacks. -Pitbull attacks. You just made that up. -We startred off to be. She was, I guess I was. I just sort of....butchered up the relationship somehow. Bad choice of words. I understand, I think. Other women? -I understand, I think. Other women? Yeah. It's like I was a different guy then I am today. I can't remember that guy. I see these women, they think I'm someone else, and I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not sure who Kristy knew. -Yeah. It's like I was a different guy then I am today. I can't remember that guy. I see these women, they think I'm someone else, and I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not sure who Kristy knew. You were unfaithful, it sounds like your confessing. -You were unfaithful, it sounds like your confessing. I did more then that. -Lucky for us these chairs happened to be here. Oh I knew about the chairs already. This is where the emphysema patients come to sneak cigarettes. -Don't tell me. Kirsty used to smoke? No. She just would have loved it up here... Allison when I was under... did I ever talk? -Sure plenty of times. Well? -Well? Trevor if someone is talking from a sleep state they are obviously dreaming. So practically everything say is going to sound strange. -Trevor if someone is talking from a sleep state they are obviously dreaming. So practically everything say is going to sound strange. Did I ever talk about the accident? -Did I ever talk about the accident? No. -No. Did I ever talk about Kirsty? -Did I ever talk about Kirsty? No. But at one point you did repeat something though. A phrase. You must have been having this recurring dream, you just kept saying this one thing over and over -No. But at one point you did repeat something though. A phrase. You must have been having this recurring dream, you just kept saying this one thing over and over What was it? -Sorry. If it makes you feel better that took every ounce of self control I had. Trevor, I never date patients. -If it makes you feel better that took every ounce of self control I had. Trevor, I never date patients. I understand... I won't- -I understand... I won't- No you don't understand. That's why I've been fighting to get you better. So you wouldn't be a patient anymore. -No you don't understand. That's why I've been fighting to get you better. So you wouldn't be a patient anymore. Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have switched doctors! -Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have switched doctors! Just get better okay? -Allison I think I did some very, very bad things. I mean very bad. Trevor things like this happen to people who experience temporary memory loss. Everybody does things they regret. You just couldn't remember doing these things and now you are so it's a shock to the system. I'm telling you. You will never get better if you keep blaming yourself for your wife's death. -Trevor things like this happen to people who experience temporary memory loss. Everybody does things they regret. You just couldn't remember doing these things and now you are so it's a shock to the system. I'm telling you. You will never get better if you keep blaming yourself for your wife's death. Maybe I wasn't responsible for the car accident... -Trevor what is the metric probability of you getting any work done at all today? Hey Bret. Christ, my head feels like a split coconut. -Hey Bret. Christ, my head feels like a split coconut. Dude there is a track on the carpet between here and the bathroom. It was made by your ass. You've been dragging it all fucking week. What happened to you yesterday? -Give me a break. I checked back into the hospital- amongst other things. Hospital? You haven't been to the hospital since uh... -Hospital? You haven't been to the hospital since uh... Since what? -Since what? Look never mind. Just get some numbers going- any numbers at all will due. The hills have eyes remember? -Must be nice. What? -What? Getting paid for doing shit. -The boss won't notice me doing a bad job because I'm not. Even if the boss thought I was slacking I'd know right away. Yeah, how's that? -Yeah, how's that? I have my connections -I have my connections Really? Do tell. -Really? Do tell. Gwen. -GWEN? I crap you not. She was all over me yesterday in the break room. And she was a total machine last night too. -I crap you not. She was all over me yesterday in the break room. And she was a total machine last night too. You were supposed to have a date with Gwen last night? GWEN DEARDON? The supervisor? -You were supposed to have a date with Gwen last night? GWEN DEARDON? The supervisor? Serious as a heart attack my friend. I think she literally fucked me brains out. -Hey if you're not doing anything I'd like to buy you a beer after work. Be just like old times. What's the occasion? -What's the occasion? I quit. Today's my last day. -I've got a better offer. More time off. A sort of career shift, more in the engineering line of work. How much time off? -How much time off? As much as he feels like. Its a much more pleasurable line of work. -So you're just packing it up just like that? Almost that fast. I got a few loose ends to tie up first. Came into a shitload of money recently. I've always wanted to go to take a trip. We're just gonna walk into the airport and decide right then and there. -Almost that fast. I got a few loose ends to tie up first. Came into a shitload of money recently. I've always wanted to go to take a trip. We're just gonna walk into the airport and decide right then and there. Yeah? You and who else? -Yeah? You and who else? Someone special. -Bret... what the fuck...? Tonight was supposed to be the night, Trevor. Remember? I couldn't believe you went through five dart games and didn't even joke about it. -Tonight was supposed to be the night, Trevor. Remember? I couldn't believe you went through five dart games and didn't even joke about it. Bret. What the hell is going on? -Bret. What the hell is going on? We were gonna be millionaires you said. Nobody'd suspect a thing. I had never even met her. No connection. Then you went and had that fucking car accident. -We were gonna be millionaires you said. Nobody'd suspect a thing. I had never even met her. No connection. Then you went and had that fucking car accident. Bret you are making no sense whatsoever. -Bret you are making no sense whatsoever. I followed her Trevor. I got to know her life. And what a boring one it was. Six a.m. gym, nine a.m. trendy coffee shop, noon bookstore, one soap operas, four o'clock news, five wait for Trevor to come home. And wait and wait and wait. Nine o'clock get ready for bed. -Hello I'm Dr... Ambrose. I know. -Ambrose. I know. Have we met? -Have we met? I've been in here before. -I've been in here before. Take no offense Trevor. I see many patients a day and have an awful memory. -Why don't you relax for the next couple of hours? Barring any relapses you should be able to go home after that. Where's Allison? -Who's Allison? Allison Dormere. Your intern. -What did you just say? I said she's been missing for- -I said she's been missing for- No. No you said HER BODY's been missing. -No. No you said HER BODY's been missing. What's the difference? -Last time anybody saw this woman she was alive. You seem to certain she's dead. I saw her drowning inside the car, detective. -You could say that. Zero's a number right? -Zero's a number right? As in one minus one equals zero yes. Where are you going with this? -As in one minus one equals zero yes. Where are you going with this? How many zeros was your wife worth? -Now I want you to tell me what you remember happening- in your own words- exactly the way you told Detective Lange. But this time I want you to make one small adjustment. What's that? -Come on speak up, Gooding, I'm trying to run a business here. I can't have people flipping out in the break room when they should be slaving away at their desks. Sorry I just kind of... spaced for a second there. -Get back here, junior bean counter. This is your supervisor speaking. Please, Gwen. You're- you're all over me. -Please, Gwen. You're- you're all over me. How do you think you got this job, cock? Mmm. I'm still tingling all over from our little midnight swim. -What's wrong, Trev? Nothing, look. Gwen I really like you- -Nothing, look. Gwen I really like you- And it shows. Least it did last night at the quarry. In a big way. -YOU'RE giving ME a speeding ticket? Mr. Mario Andretti himself? Gwen, my wife's dead. -Gwen, my wife's dead. Oh I see. That again. Trevor? I realize it must be hard. But Christ how long does it take someone to move on? -That was cold... No, making another woman compete with someone who's been dead eight months. That's cold. -Good boy. Where's is it? What? -What? Our little toy. You usually have it up and running by now. -Our little toy. You usually have it up and running by now. Do I really want to know what you're talking about? -Twenty one. Why do we have to do this now Kirsty? Shut up and play darling. Your turn. -Shut up and play darling. Your turn. Five hundred ninety two thousand seven hundred and four. -Five hundred ninety two thousand seven hundred and four. Uh... eighty two? -Uh... eighty two? Eighty four. -You win! Okay pull over. But... I thought... -But... I thought... If what I've heard is true this could be the last time for a long long time. Besides we've got a whole seven minutes before the next one. Clock's ticking. Tick-tock... -What isn't wrong? Why are you doing this anyway? I'm... I'm doing a very special thing here. And you can't even ... respond? -Just concentrate on the task at hand please. Listen to me. You should be giving ME this lecture. You've been cheating on me haven't you? -You've been cheating on me haven't you? Yes I had a quickie with the neighbor during your last contraction. -Yes I had a quickie with the neighbor during your last contraction. Roughly two thirds of married men who cheat start during the eighth month of their wives' first pregnancy. -Oh my God. It's coming out. What? -What? THE BABY IS COMING OUT! I CAN FEEL IT! SONOFABITCH IT HURTS!! AAAGGGGHHH!!! -OH MY GOD TREVOR! It hurts!! oh my God, Oh my God. Trevor, It's coming out. This isn't happening. -How does feel to be Mr. Kirsty Hughes for a whole year. In a word? Lucrative. -In a word? Lucrative. The best business decision if you ever made I'll bet. -The best business decision if you ever made I'll bet. Enjoyable too. The merger never even felt work for one second. -Enjoyable too. The merger never even felt work for one second. You know what the family lawyer told me one our wedding day? -You know what the family lawyer told me one our wedding day? What? -What? Never to put you in my will. -Never to put you in my will. Really? Why? -But you had more wisdom than to listen to a false prophet There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan -And besides, I thought, to hell with it... it's okay if you only married me for my money. Really, why's that? -Really, why's that? I only married you for your body. -Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Gooding. For me? Trevor! How romantic! Come here, you. -Kirsty... Kirsty? It's okay it was just a nightmare that's all. -You're alive... Yes. Now go back to sleep. You're driving the rest of the way to gramma's remember? -Trevor I've decided we have got to agree on a name before we reach my mother's. This poor kid's going to be starting preschool as student x if we don't make up our minds. So, I've been thinking, what about Daisy? It's perfect. -Thanks for coming down Mr. Gooding. Has your head healed okay by now? Where's my wife? -Where's my wife? Okay then. Here's the scoop. -What evidence? For one thing there were no skid marks on that bridge, the tires were all intact, from what we could tell, nothing wrong internally with the vehicle either. Like the car had been driven off the bridge intentionally. -For one thing there were no skid marks on that bridge, the tires were all intact, from what we could tell, nothing wrong internally with the vehicle either. Like the car had been driven off the bridge intentionally. It should all in the report. I told you guys everything. She was giving birth in the fucking car. She grabbed the wheel and I lost control. -It should all in the report. I told you guys everything. She was giving birth in the fucking car. She grabbed the wheel and I lost control. I did read that, yes. What hospital were you going to? I mean the Lodovico Street Bridge isn't exactly on the way to Mercy General. -Sorry I'm in your seat aren't I? No please make yourself at home. -I thought you loved games. I'll just stay out of this conversation until you come out and tell me why you've disrupted me at work. -I'll just stay out of this conversation until you come out and tell me why you've disrupted me at work. You and your wife were playing a game shortly before you got into that car accident weren't you? -You and your wife were playing a game shortly before you got into that car accident weren't you? Where is she? Where is my wife? -Sorry to take up your time like that Trevor. Don't work too hard. Oh, before I forget. I talked your neighbor out of pressing charges. What? -What? The whackjob in the black lipstick who lives down the hall? She wanted you arrested for harassment. I told her to chill out and smoke a joint. I'd look the other way as long as she did you know? -The whackjob in the black lipstick who lives down the hall? She wanted you arrested for harassment. I told her to chill out and smoke a joint. I'd look the other way as long as she did you know? Thanks. -Thanks. We're all here for you Trevor. -Morgue...? That's right Trevor. The timing was impeccable wasn't it? It's been eight months two weeks and three days but we finally found the body. Just need you to ID it for us. -Look Larry I know you never thought too much of me. And I know this all sounds a little fucked up. A little? Try unbelievably. -A little? Try unbelievably. I swear these guys are like playing mindgames with me. I think they got a hold of my e-mail address at work too. -Trevor barring the more outrageous aspects of your claim you are not the only widower the police have questioned when foul play is suspected. Hey ninety five point three percent of all murders are committed by either a spouse, a direct relative or a close friend that's common knowledge. But this wasn't murder it was an accident- -Hey ninety five point three percent of all murders are committed by either a spouse, a direct relative or a close friend that's common knowledge. But this wasn't murder it was an accident- And as far as hiding a body goes? I find it hard to believe even the dirtiest of cops would keep a victim's remains hidden simply to get someone to confess. It's absolutely preposterous. Now I'm not saying I don't believe you, I'm....ambiguous. There's quite alot of money behind all this. -And as far as hiding a body goes? I find it hard to believe even the dirtiest of cops would keep a victim's remains hidden simply to get someone to confess. It's absolutely preposterous. Now I'm not saying I don't believe you, I'm....ambiguous. There's quite alot of money behind all this. How much do I stand to inherit if Kirsty is presumed dead? -What happens if I'm convicted of Kirsty's murder? Well they'd have to prove it in a court of law for one thing- -Please Larry. Pretend you like me and humor me. Seeing you were her sole benefactor, and I'm the executive of the will, Kirsty's entire estate would have to be donated to the city. -Seeing you were her sole benefactor, and I'm the executive of the will, Kirsty's entire estate would have to be donated to the city. Hello? City? Cops? It's a fucking conspiracy! -Hello? City? Cops? It's a fucking conspiracy! Pardon my glibness Trevor but you sound like a raving lunatic. The next time you seek counsel it should be of the psychiatric type. You're obviously on the verge of some nervous collapse. -Pardon my glibness Trevor but you sound like a raving lunatic. The next time you seek counsel it should be of the psychiatric type. You're obviously on the verge of some nervous collapse. Thanks for your concern Larry. And fuck you too. -Least let me finish will ya? Got one puff left. I don't work here. -I don't work here. Music to my ears. -Hey buddy! ... but I'm starting to think I was... I was going to... -... but I'm starting to think I was... I was going to... Hey buddy! -What do you want?! Who the hell are you talking to? -Do you know where you are? Ambulance. -Ambulance. We're just gonna take some blood here. -Okay how many fingers am I holding up? Two. -Two. Can you follow them? -You mean... when the car went off the bridge? Wow you are out of it. -Poor Trevor. This game is over do you hear me? -This game is over do you hear me? I hear everything. And soon you will know everything. More than you ever wanted I can guarantee that. But I want you to think for a minute first. Think about all you've seen. All the clues you've been given. -How is our little student doing? Has he learned his lesson yet? I don't know who you are or what you want. I just want to know what's under that sheet... -I don't know who you are or what you want. I just want to know what's under that sheet... Use your mind for something other than numbers dear Trevor. Think about people for a change. People other than yourself. Like the women you slept with behind your wife's back. You were always so confident you had covered your tracks. Always confident your wife actually believed your fervent denials? Part of you must have known she would find out. -What's under that sheet...? You probably don't remember the night we played. Your first year as husband and wife. -I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm not even Catholic. I just had to tell somebody. It's like, ever since my wife died I don't know what I've actually done or what I've imagined. But I do know if one tenth of what's happening to me is reality... I've done some really awful things in my life. Things that I've... I guess I've blocked out... What things do you think you've done? -What things do you think you've done? Wow. Let's see. So many sins so little time. For starters I was responsible for the death my wife who by the way was carrying my unborn child. That was so I could collect her eight million dollar estate. I think I killed several women I was having mindless sex with behind her back. -But I saw these women. I saw their mutilated bodies. I saw their ghosts. I just know it happened I can feel it... All you've got is the here and the now Trevor. That's all anyone really has. Maybe this will make things easier to understand. A man goes to sleep every night and has recurring dream that he's a butterfly. In time he begins to wonder if he might actually be a butterfly who dreams he's a man. And at the end of the day does it even matter? All these events you're describing. How can you be sure any of them really happened? -All you've got is the here and the now Trevor. That's all anyone really has. Maybe this will make things easier to understand. A man goes to sleep every night and has recurring dream that he's a butterfly. In time he begins to wonder if he might actually be a butterfly who dreams he's a man. And at the end of the day does it even matter? All these events you're describing. How can you be sure any of them really happened? But that's what I need. To be sure... to be absolutely sure... -But that's what I need. To be sure... to be absolutely sure... Shh. It's okay son. There is but one truth. One thing you can be absolutely sure of. And that thing is this: -Dreams? I was going to say dimensions. But I guess technically they are dreams. -I was going to say dimensions. But I guess technically they are dreams. You should always listen to your subconscious. It's trying to tell you something about your waking life. -Trevor your body has been completely healed. All the nerve endings have repaired themselves. If there is any pain in your head it's... in your head. Jeez it's getting awful crowded in there. -My teacher told me once there's a puncture point on your body that can lock your soul within it, even after you're dead. So that when you die you're trapped inside your body, watching it corrode for all eternity. Look, whatever your Marharagi, told you, forget. You've got to get this fuckin pain to stop. -It was an analogy. Your soul is locked up inside you. You need to free it Trevor. You've blocked it from the healing process. That's what we need to do now. Heal your soul. And to do that I you have to give in utterly and without any hesitation or doubt. Do you know what I mean by giving in? It's about trust. Do you trust me implicitly? I don't even know what's real and what isn't how can I trust anyone? -I don't even know what's real and what isn't how can I trust anyone? You can trust me. Your wife is dead and you need to move past that. And the only way to move past something completely is to go straight through it, not around it. Surrender yourself to your wife's death. Let it chew you up and spit you back out on the other side. It's the only way you can become whole again. -Are you ready? I surrender... -Wait... what the hell is this... Surrender yourself... surrender yourself... -... knock on my door, I'm a total insomniac. No, thanks I've got a... a date tonight- --Tawny. Whew. You bounce right back don't you? -Whew. You bounce right back don't you? What do you mean? -Last week... The car accident? Any of this ringing a bell? -It's not that kind of date. Hey even if it is more power to ya. Alrighty then. Have a good time. -Hey. Can I borrow something? Uh... sure, Tawny... what? -Uh... sure, Tawny... what? You. -Tawny? What's- what are you doing? YOU! -You okay? I'm, uh, not sure... Feeling kind of weird actually. -I'm, uh, not sure... Feeling kind of weird actually. Really? -I'm kinda feeling nuts myself! I've never said this to a woman before but can't we talk a little bit before grabbing at each other? -I've never said this to a woman before but can't we talk a little bit before grabbing at each other? God. Sometimes you can be such an animal. Other times you are the ultimate tease... -Wow. That's good. Lots of capers, huh? For starters. It's also got fennel, asparagus, olives, some more of mother nature's aphrodisiacs... Back in college, me and my roommates used to call it hard- on stew. -If you ever smelled this coming from our dorm room, you knew one of us was in there getting laid. You must have been very proud of yourselves... -You must have been very proud of yourselves... It's getting hot in here. -Tawny I think I'm going to be sick. Well now there's a compliment. -Whoa, I have serious space issues, dude. What do you want? I... think we need to talk, there's something really strange going on... -I... think we need to talk, there's something really strange going on... Hey you're the guy from down the hall. -Hey you're the guy from down the hall. Come on, quit fucking around. Listen it's about... what we did together last night. -Come on, quit fucking around. Listen it's about... what we did together last night. WHAT?! -And you pulled people out? You're... a hero. Nah, I fucked it up. I was tryin' to impress this kid, don't ask me why. I was gonna rescue his old man, but I couldn't find the poor bastard. He musta blew up. I got the hell outta there. I didn't have the nerve to face the kid. -Nah, I fucked it up. I was tryin' to impress this kid, don't ask me why. I was gonna rescue his old man, but I couldn't find the poor bastard. He musta blew up. I got the hell outta there. I didn't have the nerve to face the kid. A lotta people wouldn't have tried. It was pretty brave even trying... -A lotta people wouldn't have tried. It was pretty brave even trying... Try stupid. -You got a drinking problem or what? I sell them at the recycling center. Gives me a little for gas and food. -I sell them at the recycling center. Gives me a little for gas and food. Looks like you live in here, for Chrissake! -Looks like you live in here, for Chrissake! In bad weather, yeah. Mostly I camp out in the woods. I thought maybe you were down on your luck too when I picked you up. -You should give it to someone with only one leg. One leg! Like the Red Cross or something? -One leg! Like the Red Cross or something? I know a guy who only has one leg. -Sell it to him. You get a couple bucks, it pays for the ride. I got a job, nice apartment. I do okay. They interview you or anything? At the plane crash? -They interview you or anything? At the plane crash? "Hey, do I look crazy? I don't go for that shit... interviews, media. They're manipulators. ""Keep a low profile,"" that's my motto." -Hey, Bubber, c'mere! I gotta talk to you, buddy. LaPlante! -LaPlante! Come on, John, don't be an asshole. I don't like heights. -I just wanna talk with you for a minute. Then you can jump. You can jump twice for all I care. Talk from there. You can talk from there. -Talk from there. You can talk from there. In private. They got cameras and alla that crap in there. Microphones. -That's for Ga... Ms. Gayley. What am I, a goddamn postman? I'm way the fuck up here, I'm scared a heights, and you want me to deliver a letter? Put a stamp on it for Chrissake! -What am I, a goddamn postman? I'm way the fuck up here, I'm scared a heights, and you want me to deliver a letter? Put a stamp on it for Chrissake! That's close enough. It's a confession. The truth. Jesus, I'm sorry, LaPlante. I had the shoe, you said you didn't want, publicity because of your legal problems. -That's close enough. It's a confession. The truth. Jesus, I'm sorry, LaPlante. I had the shoe, you said you didn't want, publicity because of your legal problems. I don't recall saying I didn't want a million bucks... -I don't recall saying I didn't want a million bucks... I never really thought they'd go for it. And then... you didn't come forward, they investigated my war record... I kept expecting you to show up and expose me... -I never really thought they'd go for it. And then... you didn't come forward, they investigated my war record... I kept expecting you to show up and expose me... I was in the can, for Chrissake. -I was in the can, for Chrissake. The bathroom! For two days? -The bathroom! For two days? Jail! Listen, Bubber... This is crazy. We could fall off of here. -Jail! Listen, Bubber... This is crazy. We could fall off of here. You should go in. You're risking your life again... -You should go in. You're risking your life again... I'm beginning to... be aware of that, John. Listen, I'm not gonna do nothing heroic here, you can trust me on that, buddy. Whaddaya say we just sit down for a while. I don't have no tricks, I'm not that smart. You could, like, rest up for the jump. -What have I done? I was dirt poor and useless... but I was honest. Lighten up, John. You think you got problems for Chrissake? -You stole her purse! While you were saving her? What's the big deal? You decided to pretend you were me. A little moment of weakness, right? So I sorta swiped her purse. I got feet of clay too, bUddy. -What's the big deal? You decided to pretend you were me. A little moment of weakness, right? So I sorta swiped her purse. I got feet of clay too, bUddy. And she thinks you're blackmailing me? -And she thinks you're blackmailing me? Right. -Which don't sound like such a bad goddamn idea, John. Huh? Whadda you mean? -Huh? Whadda you mean? Well, we gotta work this thing out, John. It's a goddamn mess an' I'm halfway to doing serious time in the joint an' the TV lady's so stuck on you she don't want it to come out you stole her purse because it might break the heart of millions. Looka those maniacs, willya? They love you, for Chrissake! -Well, we gotta work this thing out, John. It's a goddamn mess an' I'm halfway to doing serious time in the joint an' the TV lady's so stuck on you she don't want it to come out you stole her purse because it might break the heart of millions. Looka those maniacs, willya? They love you, for Chrissake! I don't need to be a hero, LaPlante, but I can't face people... the looks in their eyes... after the trust they gave me! -I don't need to be a hero, LaPlante, but I can't face people... the looks in their eyes... after the trust they gave me! Great! You make this big goddamn mess, then ya jump. Beautiful! Listen, John, I was there at the hospital today, I seen you with those little bastards . -Great! You make this big goddamn mess, then ya jump. Beautiful! Listen, John, I was there at the hospital today, I seen you with those little bastards . It was you! I thought I heard... -It was you! I thought I heard... I'm not saying I hate sick people or anything but I hate being around them if you know what I mean. There you go, you inspire this kid to live. I probably woulda vomited on him. -I'm not saying I hate sick people or anything but I hate being around them if you know what I mean. There you go, you inspire this kid to live. I probably woulda vomited on him. Allen? He... he's okay? -You got those people out of the plane, LaPlante, not me. You woulda gone in there, you wouldn'ta thought twice... Trust me on that, that's the kinda guy you are. For a guy like me, it's a momentary loss of sanity. I wasn't thinking clearly. Listen, I'm no hero, John. I just want some dough and maybe a little favor. How much didja spend already on all that do-gooder bullshit? You didn't spend it all didja? -You woulda gone in there, you wouldn'ta thought twice... Trust me on that, that's the kinda guy you are. For a guy like me, it's a momentary loss of sanity. I wasn't thinking clearly. Listen, I'm no hero, John. I just want some dough and maybe a little favor. How much didja spend already on all that do-gooder bullshit? You didn't spend it all didja? Well, I donated a lot to different causes, uh... La... -Well, I donated a lot to different causes, uh... La... Bernie. Call me Bernie. -Bernie. Call me Bernie. --but there's a lot of it still left, uh, Bernie. Almost half. -You got it? Four year scholarship to a top college, plus Medical School or Law School or whatever Joey wants; pay off the $2,500 to my attorney, plus pay her fee in full, plus my annual consulting fee... And give a deposition to the jUdge. -And give a deposition to the jUdge. Listen, John, you better double my attorney's fee. She's very inexperienced, but she done a great job for me. And give her your autograph. She thinks you're some kinda holy man. -Listen, John, you better double my attorney's fee. She's very inexperienced, but she done a great job for me. And give her your autograph. She thinks you're some kinda holy man. On the deposition for the jUdge, Bernie... I mean there's no way I can promise anything. I can't tell him what we're up to... -On the deposition for the jUdge, Bernie... I mean there's no way I can promise anything. I can't tell him what we're up to... You'll tell him I talked you out of jumping, right? Just keep me outta prison. -You'll tell him I talked you out of jumping, right? Just keep me outta prison. I... I'll do the best I can, Bernie. -I... I'll do the best I can, Bernie. "That's good enough for me. You better take that ""letter"" there and get rid of it." -I dunno. It was... an impulse. Me, wearing my good shoes. Same with me, pretending I was you. An impulse. Why not? I had this shoe. -Same with me, pretending I was you. An impulse. Why not? I had this shoe. "There was this kid there saying, ""Go in there and save my father, mister."" And I'm thinking about my boy Joey and this goddamn fireman my wife's seeing. It was like I was supposed to save myself." -"There was this kid there saying, ""Go in there and save my father, mister."" And I'm thinking about my boy Joey and this goddamn fireman my wife's seeing. It was like I was supposed to save myself." Yeah, and with me it was like I was supposed to pretend the shoe was mine. -Yeah, and with me it was like I was supposed to pretend the shoe was mine. So now you gotta wear it, you poor bastard. Everyday you gotta be everybody's hero. People watching you all the time. Waiting for you to make... a slip. Slip up. -Looking... good, partner. Hang in there. Y-you're a g-god damn saint, John. -"What's going on? ""Guilty""! What is this?" I got your bail continued. -I got your bail continued. Bail, for Chrissake! I'm innocent! -"""Anticipation of incarceration""?" He means prison, Mr. LaPlante. -He means prison, Mr. LaPlante. "I know what he means. I'm not a prison kinda guy, Miss O'Day. I'm a goddamn working man for Chrissake! Maybe I ""augment"" my income a little with some ""business deals,"" maybe summa the guys I sell to are crooks, how would I know, I'm not an investigator. You can't make it on a wage no more, not in this country." -"I know what he means. I'm not a prison kinda guy, Miss O'Day. I'm a goddamn working man for Chrissake! Maybe I ""augment"" my income a little with some ""business deals,"" maybe summa the guys I sell to are crooks, how would I know, I'm not an investigator. You can't make it on a wage no more, not in this country." I think our best course right now would be to focus on the Probation Officer's report... -I think our best course right now would be to focus on the Probation Officer's report... He gives a good report and I walk? -He gives a good report and I walk? We can hope. You still have your job, right? -We can hope. You still have your job, right? Yeah, I been calling in sick. They think I got the flu. -Yeah, I been calling in sick. They think I got the flu. And a son by your ex-wife? Joseph. -And a son by your ex-wife? Joseph. A son, yeah. What about him? Joey. -A son, yeah. What about him? Joey. Are you pretty involved in his upbringing? -Are you pretty involved in his upbringing? Involved! Christ! She attached my goddamn paycheck! Child support. Why do you think I can't afford a lawyer? You know what I mean. Why I got a court appointed lawyer instead of a, uh, more experienced... -Involved! Christ! She attached my goddamn paycheck! Child support. Why do you think I can't afford a lawyer? You know what I mean. Why I got a court appointed lawyer instead of a, uh, more experienced... I understand. How often do you see your son? -I understand. How often do you see your son? Often, uh. -Often, uh. How recently? -How recently? Uh, his birthday, uh, May. I think. -Uh, his birthday, uh, May. I think. It's November. -It's November. She don't like me to see him. Says I'm a bad influence. -She don't like me to see him. Says I'm a bad influence. I think you should visit your son. And try and get your boss to write a note about your performance on the job. You need to create the impression of a responsible, decent citizen with familial responsibilities who happened to slip up once. -Uh, I know you're having financial difficulties, Mister LaPlante, but I wonder if... I mean, the money I loaned you... Some of it. Right here. I got some of it. I'll get the rest as soon as I can. -"""The Angel of Flight 104!"" You're telling me you're the A...?" """Angel!"" I didn't say ""angel,"" that's a little strong. Listen, here's the thing, I gotta get over there to the TV station to collect my million bucks." -"""Angel!"" I didn't say ""angel,"" that's a little strong. Listen, here's the thing, I gotta get over there to the TV station to collect my million bucks." Mister LaPlante, I really want to help you, but crazy stories are only going to make it worse. The D.A. is asking your bail be set at twenty-five thousand dollars because you were arrested again while you were out on bail... -Mister LaPlante, I really want to help you, but crazy stories are only going to make it worse. The D.A. is asking your bail be set at twenty-five thousand dollars because you were arrested again while you were out on bail... Twenty-five grand is peanuts! All you gotta do is get me outta here long enough to collect. -Whaddaya mean they didn't reduce the bail? If they didn't reduce it, how'dja spring me? I took a loan on my car and my computer. -I took a loan on my car and my computer. You whaaaaaat? You paid it? You gave a bondsman ten percent? -You whaaaaaat? You paid it? You gave a bondsman ten percent? I was inspired by the hero, how he stuck his neck out for others, how he took a chance... -I was inspired by the hero, how he stuck his neck out for others, how he took a chance... That fake inspired you to loan a guy who's been fired off his job twenty-five hundred goddamn dollars? A guy you say is probably gonna do time! You're s'posed to be an attorney for Chrissake! You're s'posed to have good judgment! -That fake inspired you to loan a guy who's been fired off his job twenty-five hundred goddamn dollars? A guy you say is probably gonna do time! You're s'posed to be an attorney for Chrissake! You're s'posed to have good judgment! Well, as you like to point out, Mister LaPlante, I'm relatively inexperienced. My naivete may have worked to your benefit in this instance. -Listen, now that I owe you twenty-five hundred bucks plus, how about loaning me twenty for cab fare? "So you can call me ""naive,"" Mister LaPlante." -"So you can call me ""naive,"" Mister LaPlante." "Hey, you could call me ""Bernie,"" forget the ""Mister LaPlante"" stuff. You are naive." -"Hey, you could call me ""Bernie,"" forget the ""Mister LaPlante"" stuff. You are naive." I read the probation report. It's not good. I think you're going... going to prison, Mister... Bernie. I know that scares you but.. -I read the probation report. It's not good. I think you're going... going to prison, Mister... Bernie. I know that scares you but.. TAXI! HEY, TAXI! Well, at least I'm gonna get my goddamn million bucks. TAXI FOR CHRISSAKE! -I seen on the TV where that do-gooder asshole's gonna go visit sick kids at three-thirty. Children's Hospital, on the double. You mean John Bubber? -Hey! Do I have a record? Have I ever done time? I mean I been arrested a few times, who hasn't? Parking tickets for Chrissake! Suspicion of stuff! Have I ever been convicted of anything? Mister LaPlante... -Mister LaPlante... Take a look at my employment record, you got my employment record there, right? You see any unemployment there, any welfare? I'm a taxpayer. They eat me alive, the tax people, they got taxes on everything, taxes, taxes, taxes, and forms! Taxes and forms so I can pay your goddamn salary, so you can sit there and write stuff, guys like me pay your wages... -Take a look at my employment record, you got my employment record there, right? You see any unemployment there, any welfare? I'm a taxpayer. They eat me alive, the tax people, they got taxes on everything, taxes, taxes, taxes, and forms! Taxes and forms so I can pay your goddamn salary, so you can sit there and write stuff, guys like me pay your wages... Mister LaPlante... -Mister LaPlante... Do I hit anybody? You see me shoot anybody? Hey, drugs! Do I sell drugs? Jesus, I don't belong in prison. I'm a family man. -Do I hit anybody? You see me shoot anybody? Hey, drugs! Do I sell drugs? Jesus, I don't belong in prison. I'm a family man. Mister LaPlante... -Mister LaPlante... Look, I got this kid. We got a goddamn relationship! I'm takin' him to a movie tonight! He worships me. If I go down what's this do to my son? I'm his goddamn role model for Christ sake! -Some guys been looking for me, Chick? Spanish kinda guys. Spanish kinda guys! -Spanish kinda guys! Business thing. Gimme a seven and seven, willya? -What is it, five days now I don't see you! 'Cause I'm up to my ass in shit is why. I'm broke, plus I got legal problems... Nobody was asking for me, huh? -Nope. Legal problems, you gotta have a good attorney. My attorney, she's just outta law school, about a couple of years older than my kid, for Chrissake. -My attorney, she's just outta law school, about a couple of years older than my kid, for Chrissake. You gotta kid? How old's your kid? -You gotta kid? How old's your kid? Nine. I think. Maybe ten. Yeah, ten. Nice kid. -Nine. I think. Maybe ten. Yeah, ten. Nice kid. You got a ten year old attorney, Bernie? -You got a ten year old attorney, Bernie? I can't afford no better. My ex, she attached my pay check for child support payments. You looking for Bernie LaPlante by any chance? -I didn't even know you had a kid. "The thing about kids is, they're so... young! They don't know nothin' yet. When you're a kid, you think you're gonna grow up an' be a ""wonderful person"" instead of an asshole, like everybody else." -"The thing about kids is, they're so... young! They don't know nothin' yet. When you're a kid, you think you're gonna grow up an' be a ""wonderful person"" instead of an asshole, like everybody else." We're all assholes, Bernie? -We're all assholes, Bernie? When I was a kid, I thought I was gonna be this fantastic wonderful heroic human being. -Bernie, how'sa kid? You don't wanna know, Chick, you don't wanna know. Those guys been in here? -You don't wanna know, Chick, you don't wanna know. Those guys been in here? You in business with those guys or what? I wouldn't want a problem for the establishment, Bern. -You in business with those guys or what? I wouldn't want a problem for the establishment, Bern. You couldn't have a problem, Chick, because I personally have got them all. I cornered the whole goddamn market. You wouldn't believe... Oh, how ya doin'...? -Hey, I don't blame you for bein' sore. I know I screwed up gettin' busted in here. You got a right to throw me out. I'm not gonna throw you out, Bernie. -What wouldja say if I toldja I ran into a burning plane an' saved a buncha people, Chick, an' risked my goddamnlife? You mean like Bubber? The hero? -You mean like Bubber? The hero? Yeah, like that. Same thing. -Yeah, like that. Same thing. Well... I mean... what am I supposed to say here, Bern? Is this a riddle or what? -Well... I mean... what am I supposed to say here, Bern? Is this a riddle or what? I mean, if I said it, wouldja believe me? Ya wouldn't, would ya? -I mean, if I said it, wouldja believe me? Ya wouldn't, would ya? It's a character thing, Bernie. I mean, you wouldn't do it. No offense. Me neither. I mean, a guy like Bubber, he's a certain kinda guy. Heroic. You and me, we're not... heroic. It's not our nature. It don't mean we're bad or nothing. We're just not so inclined. What about it? -It's a character thing, Bernie. I mean, you wouldn't do it. No offense. Me neither. I mean, a guy like Bubber, he's a certain kinda guy. Heroic. You and me, we're not... heroic. It's not our nature. It don't mean we're bad or nothing. We're just not so inclined. What about it? Nothin'. -Nothin'. I wouldn't be depressed about it, Bern. A guy don't have to be heroic to be a human being. -I wouldn't be depressed about it, Bern. A guy don't have to be heroic to be a human being. The thing is, Chick. I'm goin' down. -The thing is, Chick. I'm goin' down. Down. You mean jail? For that credit card stuff? For Chrissake, Bernie, your lawyer... -Bill, I... "DON'T SAY ""BILL,"" BERNIE! DON'T SAY ONE WORD! DIDN'T I SAY ""ONE WORD AND YOU'RE FIRED?""" -"DON'T SAY ""BILL,"" BERNIE! DON'T SAY ONE WORD! DIDN'T I SAY ""ONE WORD AND YOU'RE FIRED?""" I... -I... "YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE IT'LL BE AN EXCUSE! IT'LL BE ""BERNIE LAPLANTE EXCUSE NUMBER FOUR THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND SIX."" NO, FOUR THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND TWELVE. THAT'S HOW MANY EXCUSES YOU HAVE GIVEN ME, I KEEP TRACK OF THEM ELECTRONICALLY. I HEARD THEM ALL, BERNIE." -"YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE IT'LL BE AN EXCUSE! IT'LL BE ""BERNIE LAPLANTE EXCUSE NUMBER FOUR THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND SIX."" NO, FOUR THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND TWELVE. THAT'S HOW MANY EXCUSES YOU HAVE GIVEN ME, I KEEP TRACK OF THEM ELECTRONICALLY. I HEARD THEM ALL, BERNIE." Bill, I got some legal problems and I... -Bill, I got some legal problems and I... THAT'S IT! YOU TALKED! YOU'RE FIRED! OUTTA HERE! GET OUTTA HERE! -THAT'S IT! YOU TALKED! YOU'RE FIRED! OUTTA HERE! GET OUTTA HERE! Bill, listen... -Bill, listen... OUT! I TOLDJA. JESUS CHRIST, I GOT CUSTOMERS WAITING! AN' YOU WERE GONNA GO OUT LIKE THAT? AN' MEET THE PUBLIC IN STOCKING-FUCKING-FEET? -OUT! I TOLDJA. JESUS CHRIST, I GOT CUSTOMERS WAITING! AN' YOU WERE GONNA GO OUT LIKE THAT? AN' MEET THE PUBLIC IN STOCKING-FUCKING-FEET? Bill, I got financial problems and... -Bill, I got financial problems and... I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS, I'M GONNA THINK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. YOU'RE ONE A MY PROBLEMS. GET OUT! OUT! OUT! -He waited for you three hours! You are not gonna believe this, Evelyn! Absolutely fantastic! I'm on my way -- -You are not gonna believe this, Evelyn! Absolutely fantastic! I'm on my way -- I am so tired of your bullshit, Bernie. -I am so tired of your bullshit, Bernie. Ev, it's not my fault! I'm trying to tell you this incredible -- -Ev, it's not my fault! I'm trying to tell you this incredible -- It's never your fault, Bernie! Never ever! You screwed up my life, now you're gonna screw up Joey's life, but you're never gonna accept responsibility for anyth-- -It's never your fault, Bernie! Never ever! You screwed up my life, now you're gonna screw up Joey's life, but you're never gonna accept responsibility for anyth-- Is he here, your friend. The fireman? -Is he here, your friend. The fireman? He had an emergency call... a real emergency. -He had an emergency call... a real emergency. Why doncha let me in so we don't wake everybody in the neighborhood? -Willya lemme talk for Chrissake? I'm trying to tell you what happened. What happened is... The same thing that always happens! You blew it! And this time you broke your son's heart instead of mine! He was so proud, looking forward to going to a movie with his father... and you let him down! Like you let everybody down, always! What did you do, take a mudbath? -That's what I'm trying to... to... okay, nevermind. Just lemme talk to Joey to... to apologize. "He's in bed! You're not gonna wake him and make him crazy, do you understand? He comes home from the zoo, he wants to know if Elliot's a ""war hero"" like you... he wants to know how many people you killed..." -"He's in bed! You're not gonna wake him and make him crazy, do you understand? He comes home from the zoo, he wants to know if Elliot's a ""war hero"" like you... he wants to know how many people you killed..." """Elliot""? The heroic goddamn fireman?" -"""Elliot""? The heroic goddamn fireman?" "I had to explain your tendancy to ""exaggerate"", How you were actually ""in country"" all of two weeks and how you killed about as many people as the other clerk-typists in your outfit, no more, no less..." -"I had to explain your tendancy to ""exaggerate"", How you were actually ""in country"" all of two weeks and how you killed about as many people as the other clerk-typists in your outfit, no more, no less..." Three weeks, Ev. I didn't tell him I killed anybody... -Three weeks, Ev. I didn't tell him I killed anybody... Maybe not,... but you let him believe it! And then I gotta explain about the homeless... -Maybe not,... but you let him believe it! And then I gotta explain about the homeless... The homeless! -The homeless! How not all of them own apartment complexes, how not all of them play the stock market, how not all of them rent babies when they're panhandling. He's ten years old, Bernie! Impressionable! -Listen, it's important, Ev, I gotta see him, I got my reasons, very goddamn important... Use the phone, Bernie, call him tomorrow, he'd like to hear from you. Where's your other shoe? Never mind! I don't want to know. Some fantastic adventure, right? Something really crazy. -Use the phone, Bernie, call him tomorrow, he'd like to hear from you. Where's your other shoe? Never mind! I don't want to know. Some fantastic adventure, right? Something really crazy. "I was giving him some advice is all. Preparing him for life. You don't want him to grow up soft, Ev , it's tough out there, it's a goddamn jungle." -"I was giving him some advice is all. Preparing him for life. You don't want him to grow up soft, Ev , it's tough out there, it's a goddamn jungle." Back to the jungle, Bernie. Good night. -You! Camera, Chucky. Are you Bernard LaPlante, sir? What is your relationship with John Bubber? -Camera, Chucky. Are you Bernard LaPlante, sir? What is your relationship with John Bubber? Turn that thing off. -Turn that thing off. How did you acquire this, Mister LaPlante? -How did you acquire this, Mister LaPlante? How do ya think I got it, for Chrissake? Hey, put that thing down. This is my goddamn apartment, you can't just... -How do ya think I got it, for Chrissake? Hey, put that thing down. This is my goddamn apartment, you can't just... What's your scheme, Mister LaPlante? What are you forcing John Bubber to do? What are you -- ? -For God's sake, tell him I'm on my way. Let's go, Chucky. A police escort is gonna pick us up en route. You too, LaPlante. Me! -Me! If you're not in the car in ten seconds, I'll have the cops pick you up. -If you're not in the car in ten seconds, I'll have the cops pick you up. The cops! What kinda bullshit is this? Is this America or -- ? -The cops! What kinda bullshit is this? Is this America or -- ? Here! Here... ten, thirty, fifty bucks. How much have you got, Chucky? Give Mister LaPlante your money. -My fault! My fault! This nut case goes out on a ledge and it's my fault? If anything happens to John BUbber, Mister LaPlante I'm going to see you prosecuted to the full extent of the law. -If anything happens to John BUbber, Mister LaPlante I'm going to see you prosecuted to the full extent of the law. What, is everybody in love with this, bozo? I don't get this. What about...? -What, is everybody in love with this, bozo? I don't get this. What about...? Yes, everybody is in love with John Bubber. The whole country, in fact. And they're not going to be happy if he jumps to his death because he was harassed by a lousy little money-grubbing low-life fence... -Yes, everybody is in love with John Bubber. The whole country, in fact. And they're not going to be happy if he jumps to his death because he was harassed by a lousy little money-grubbing low-life fence... """Harassed."" Cause I yelled at him when he's riding in his limo? The guy's a thief, he took my..." -"""Harassed."" Cause I yelled at him when he's riding in his limo? The guy's a thief, he took my..." He had one tiny, uncharacteristic moment of weakness. That's not the same thing as a lifetime of petty crime... -He had one tiny, uncharacteristic moment of weakness. That's not the same thing as a lifetime of petty crime... Hey, lady, I got faults, I know I'm not perfect but I don't get this at all, your attitude. I saved your... -Hey, lady, I got faults, I know I'm not perfect but I don't get this at all, your attitude. I saved your... A lifetime of petty crime climaxed by your sleaziest accomplishment yet... blackmailing a national hero... -A lifetime of petty crime climaxed by your sleaziest accomplishment yet... blackmailing a national hero... -- saved your... whaaaaaaat? What? Blackmailing...? --- saved your... whaaaaaaat? What? Blackmailing...? You think I haven't figured it out? Just because the cops aren't on to you yet doesn't mean you're home free. I'm a veteran reporter. I've seen your kind before, the underbelly of crime. -You think I haven't figured it out? Just because the cops aren't on to you yet doesn't mean you're home free. I'm a veteran reporter. I've seen your kind before, the underbelly of crime. Underbelly! -Underbelly! In all that smoke and fire, John had a moment of weakness. He'd been down and out, destitute, living in his car. It was just an impulse, stealing my purse. -"All this is off the record, Chucky, because if John Bubber lives, Mister LaPlante is going to give him his assurance that there will be no more ""misbehavior"" on his part. What's more he's going to apologize." I'm going to apologize to Bubber? -I'm going to apologize to Bubber? I could deny I had those credit cards on the plane with me, LaPlante... -I could deny I had those credit cards on the plane with me, LaPlante... Lie, you mean... -Lie, you mean... Well, maybe I wouldn't lie...but I could tell the story the way I did just now, so that people could understand that John is even more of a hero, and that you... you're the lowest thing that ever crawled. Your name will be synonymous with cynical opportunism and blackmail. You won't get a cent. -Well, maybe I wouldn't lie...but I could tell the story the way I did just now, so that people could understand that John is even more of a hero, and that you... you're the lowest thing that ever crawled. Your name will be synonymous with cynical opportunism and blackmail. You won't get a cent. I got a kid, you know. I'm a person, for Chrissake. -I got a kid, you know. I'm a person, for Chrissake. Well, for your child's sake, show some decency then, rise above your sleazy instincts. You may have already killed him! -I snuck in. You media people, you think you can just go anywhere you want, spy on people. -You media people, you think you can just go anywhere you want, spy on people. Listen, Mister LaPlante... uh, Bernie... Who... are... you? -Listen, Mister LaPlante... uh, Bernie... Who... are... you? "Who am I? You're asking me? You're the big expert for Chrissake! I'm what? The ""Scumbag,"" right? The sleazebag something or other, the blackmailer, the..." -"Who am I? You're asking me? You're the big expert for Chrissake! I'm what? The ""Scumbag,"" right? The sleazebag something or other, the blackmailer, the..." Was it you? In the plane? Who saved my life? -Was it you? In the plane? Who saved my life? Me? Listen, I don't give no interviews. That was John Bubber. You wanna ask me questions, you could talk to my attorney, Miss O'Day. -Me? Listen, I don't give no interviews. That was John Bubber. You wanna ask me questions, you could talk to my attorney, Miss O'Day. Mister LaPlante... Bernie... I... just for a few moments... I want to be a human being, not a reporter. I'm somebody who was going to die in a burning plane and I looked up, and some man came out of the smoke, his face smeared with mud, and soot and... and he... saved my... life. Off the record. Was it you? Why would you deny it if it was? Because you took my purse? Why? -"This guy, this ""friend"" your mother's seeing, he's a fireman, huh? He ever... spend the night, whatsisname?" Sometimes. His name's Elliot. He saved a guy's life one time. In a fire. -Sometimes. His name's Elliot. He saved a guy's life one time. In a fire. Oh yeah? A hero, huh? Was he in the 'Nam, this guy Elliot? -Oh yeah? A hero, huh? Was he in the 'Nam, this guy Elliot? """The Nomm""? What's that?" -"""The Nomm""? What's that?" It was this war. Viet Nam. Doesn't matter. -It was this war. Viet Nam. Doesn't matter. Were you in it? In the war? -Were you in it? In the war? You never saw that picture, huh? -You never saw that picture, huh? What picture? -What picture? Me in my uniform. Used to be on the bookcase. -Are you gonna take me somewhere next weekend? I'm working on that. It's just I got some business problems and... whatsa matter? -Here. Get off here. Thanks. Thanks, pal. -Listen, buddy, I'm really enjoying this relationship we got going here. I been missing out on not knowing you better. Thing is, I got all this business stuff... I could go to a movie Thursday night. 'Cause we don't have school on Friday. -Here we are. Yeah, that's a possibility. A movie. Now you gwan in, tell your mother I got you back on time. Point that out to her. She was always on my case for stuff like that. She's still like that, right? Yeah. I'll see ya... dad. -Yeah, my dad's great. He took me to the zoo. JOEY! -"You remember where I said how I was gonna explain about life, buddy? Well, the thing about life is... it gets weird. See people are always gonna be talking to you about ""truth."" Everybody always knows what the truth is, like it was toilet paper or something and they got a supply in the closet. But what you learn as you get older is, there ain't no truth. All there is is bullshit . Layers of it. One layer of bullshit on top of another. So what you do in life, like when you get older, is you pick the layer of bullshit you prefer and that's your bullshit, so to speak. You got that?" Uh, no. -Uh, no. Mmmmm. Well, it's complicated. Maybe when you're older. Anyhow, what I'm gonna tell you here is in strict confidence, okay? It don't go no further. What happened is, you remember that night I was gonna take you to the movies an' it was raining like a sonofabitch, ..? -Uh, er... I... You were saying you don't want a million dollars. -You were saying you don't want a million dollars. Well, I'm not entitled to a million dollars. I... I... didn't expect... I didn't expect... -Well, I'm not entitled to a million dollars. I... I... didn't expect... I didn't expect... All the adulation? It makes you feel like a fake, doesn't it? -All the adulation? It makes you feel like a fake, doesn't it? Uh, actually... yes... I... should never have come forward and presented myself as -- -Instant celebrity is overwhelming to anybody. You've known John Bubber all your life, you're used to him, you know you're the same human being you were before all the excitement. So you feel like a fraud... Yes. -Yes. ...unworthy of the adoration. We all do. -Is she... serious? A half a million dollars? In my behalf? You're a celebrity, John. People are going to want to please you... or use you... or both. -Uh, no. But I, uh, wonder if you could up support... support a program to help the needy and... John, I'm sure she could support just about anything. I think I'll see you to your room. A sort of bodyguard. Make sure no harm comes to you. -Uh, if you could, just, uh, support, uh, a small airfield... It's been sometime since, uh, I received any, uh, of that kind of, uh... attention. A couple of... years. -Years? There are going to be lots of... opportunities. Gale... you're a very nice person. I wouldn't want to hurt you... in any way... -I... I know that, John... You... you think I saved your... life. I can't take advantage.... -You... you think I saved your... life. I can't take advantage.... You did save my life! And it's me! I'd be taking advantage of you! I'm a reporter, John, an experienced professional... I... -I... no... I don't have the right... I... No, I don't have the right. You're a news story! -No, I don't have the right. You're a news story! Uh, right. A... news story. -I know the truth, John. I'm flying in some guys from your unit in Vietnam tomorrow. Interviewing them live on network hookup! Vietnam! -Vietnam! Goodnight, John. -You were... very... inspiring. A script! I thought we just walked through everything... -A script! I thought we just walked through everything... Read it. It'll be fine. -Now you help me up. Boy, you seem... taller. It must be psychological... now that I know you saved my life... Gale! I can't go through with this! It's... it's all wrong!' -Gale! I can't go through with this! It's... it's all wrong!' You're doing fine. You didn't actually lift me though. It was more like you supported me. -You're doing fine. You didn't actually lift me though. It was more like you supported me. That's not what I mean... -That's not what I mean... There, like that. Kind of, uh, sexy. You can support me anytime, John. -There, like that. Kind of, uh, sexy. You can support me anytime, John. Gale... -Gale... I just remembered. You were talking about bodybuilding and swearing. -I just remembered. You were talking about bodybuilding and swearing. Bodybuilding! -It's not right, Gale... It's no big deal, it just looks better carrying me. Oh, you mean because I wasn't carrying my purse at the time. -Gale! This is for you. I want you to know I never meant to hurt you. This will explain everything. John, I know all about it. -John, I know all about it. You do? -"""A little mistake""!" No, John, you're too hard on yourself. I've got the creep here, the guy who's... -Did you get it? Jesus, did I say that? Yeah, I got it. Sports training. You learn to follow the ball. How about you do a wrap-up from up here? I'll pan off that skyscraper over there, find you here, then reveal the drop. -What're we talking about? Reach out for what? I told them how you were upset we didn't save the guy... -We're gonna wait here? The guy could be hours. Maybe, maybe not. I have a feeling this guy is important somehow. -Maybe, maybe not. I have a feeling this guy is important somehow. Hey, listen, great that you're a career-fiend, I got a wife and family, I... -Hey, listen, great that you're a career-fiend, I got a wife and family, I... You're lucky, Chucky, you... OW! -What's the matter? This sofa is a lethal weapon. The springs... are... the springs... what...? -What is it? The...Silver...Mike...Award! -The...Silver...Mike...Award! This guy LaPlante won an award? -This guy LaPlante won an award? """For Excellence in the Pursuit of Truth.""" -"""For Excellence in the Pursuit of Truth.""" LaPlante! -Swiped your purse! While he was saving you? You gotta be kidding! And sold it to Mister LaPlante, the fence, who's now trying to blackmail poor John. -He's gotta be a nut! He saves all those people and swipes a purse? "Because he was a real hero, Chucky. He was acting out of a deep instinctive decency, not out of some ego thing. He didn't expect the media to lionize him. He didn't expect a million dollar reward. He saved fifty-four people because something inside him, some fundamental love for his fellow man, made him rush into that plane when ""good sense"" told him otherwise. He was willing to settle for some credit cards he sold to LaPlante.... For how much, LaPlante? A couple of bucks? Did you give him enough for a decent meal?" -"It would make me feel like a human being instead of a cynical, hardbitten newswoman. Besides it wouldn't be a bad story, would it, ""Newswoman Saves Suicide?""" Unprofessional. -Unprofessional. You just can't bear the idea of good news. -You just can't bear the idea of good news. You're sitting on your ticket. -She broke up with her boyfriend. Listen, babe, we needja back. You gotta follow up on the jumper, find the human interest in the grim, unending tale of woe that pours from the wounded heart of the heartless metropolis. The story behind the story, the ugly scandal behind the falling millionaire, the dirt, you mean. -The story behind the story, the ugly scandal behind the falling millionaire, the dirt, you mean. That too. -That too. Would the station put me up at a good hotel...? -There's a lot of confusion around what went on last night, it's not clear... You said all the passengers were accounted for... -You said all the passengers were accounted for... Apparently the guy who pulled you out wasn't a passenger... -We're piecing together different accounts and... "A ""mystery guy!"" ""Not a passenger."" Who?" -There could be problems with something like that Mister Wallace. What if...? WHAT? THEY FOUND WHAT? -How'd it go? He'll do it. You really-should have talked to him first. -He's right. It's unprofessional. If you reach out, you could get pulled over yourself. -Saving people is not our job. It's as wrong to step in and save someone as it would be to push someone off. You wouldn't push the guy, would you? -Ticket! What's going on? She's flying to New York. She's been nominated for a Silver Mike... -She's flying to New York. She's been nominated for a Silver Mike... A Silver Mike! You're covering us in glory! -Not bad. But if you gotta wear a cast, you oughtta feature it more it's parta the story. Network's taking everything we give 'em. They wanta feed off our six o'clock whether we find the mystery guy or not. We're very big nationally. It's a wonderful piece. Emotional. I love it. -It's a wonderful piece. Emotional. I love it. We're gonna feature Gale's cast more. The trick is gonna be keeping the upper hand on this piece. As long as we have Gale and there's no mystery guy, we're the center of the story. But if he shows up and somebody else gets him first or exclusive... -We're gonna feature Gale's cast more. The trick is gonna be keeping the upper hand on this piece. As long as we have Gale and there's no mystery guy, we're the center of the story. But if he shows up and somebody else gets him first or exclusive... What about a reward for coming forward? -"I thought they'd all go ""It's him! It's him!"" and hug the guy or something." Relax, Wally. He had the shoe and the shoe checks out. -Relax, Wally. He had the shoe and the shoe checks out. Does this mean I can stop worrying? Where'd we put him? -Does this mean I can stop worrying? Where'd we put him? Drake Hotel, Penthouse Suite. Never stop worrying. I figure we'll do a sidebar on what it's like to go from sleeping in your car and collecting cans to sleeping in the poshest suite in town. Also Gale's onto something, digging into his background. -Upset! What's he upset about? Said he's not an actor. -Said he's not an actor. He's not supposed to be an actor, that's the whole point. He's a real life hero, all he has to do is act like a real life hero. That's the beauty of the concept, the whole freshness of it. Did she call him back? -He's not supposed to be an actor, that's the whole point. He's a real life hero, all he has to do is act like a real life hero. That's the beauty of the concept, the whole freshness of it. Did she call him back? She's talking to him now. -She's talking to him now. We paid him a million dollars. You'd think he'd want to cooperate a little, help our ratings. -"Whaddaya mean what do I wanna know? I wanna know everything. Who's this screwball LaPlante for Pete's sake, what the hell's he doing out there, auditioning for the priesthood? You're supposed to be on top of this, Gale, don't... ""Quit!"" You can't quit! It's unprofessional!" Quit? She wants to quit? -Quit? She wants to quit? Listen, Gale, I know you're emotionally involved. Don't be emotionally involved, be professional. No, Gale, you are not a hardbitten, cynical hard-ass, you just think you are. You are a goddamn cream puff! Try and be a hard-ass! -She wants to quit? She can't quit. -Gale shoulda aired that bit first, she's the one who found this clown LaPlante! She let Channel Eight get a beat on us. Listen, Deak, what if Bubber has got something to hide? What if he's the wrong guy, not really the hero...? -Listen, Deak, what if Bubber has got something to hide? What if he's the wrong guy, not really the hero...? Helluva story! -Helluva story! No, Deak, not a great story. We backed this guy, he's our boy! We gave him a vote of confidence, we gave him a million dollars. -It's not unthinkable. What? -What? The Presidency. The public loves him. -The Presidency. The public loves him. For ten more minutes they love him, Wally. I'm sick of him and I'm always about ten minutes ahead of the public. -He lost a shoe! Who lost a shoe? Wash your hands. -Who lost a shoe? Wash your hands. "The ""unknown hero."" They found his shoe right beside the plane crash." -My father didn't have his shoes on when he... when he came here. You were in bed. Weren't you? -You were in bed. Weren't you? I... I saw him out the window. -My God! It... it is him! Wh-why's he... why's he up there, mom? -If I gave you the impression I hated him I didn't mean to. I... I hate the way he behaves... he's selfish and self-centered and cynical... "What's ""cynical""?" -"What's ""cynical""?" "It's when you say, ""Everybody else cheats why shouldn't I?"" But I don't -- I don't hate -- him. I... loved him once, Joey. Very much. I just got... tired. Maybe it wasn't all his fault. He... What's happening? Oh, my God..." -Oh my God! Bernie! Dad! -Hi, Chief. You like the suicide? Never reach out! -Never reach out! Hello, Mister Wallace. -I didn't say I thought we should have saved him.. You didn't? -You didn't? I said I wished it had at least occurred to me to consider saving him. -I haven't won it yet. I notice you've got me scheduled on a flight back an hour after the ceremony. An hour after...! Deak, for Heaven's sake! Let's give her a night in New York City. We'll put her and her boyfriend up at a good hotel... -LaPlante! That asshole! I don't... Hey, is that you, from the tee vee? In person? We're from Channel Four, yes. We'd like to find -- -We're from Channel Four, yes. We'd like to find -- """This is Gale Gayley for Channel Four News!"" Incredible. Unbelievable! For Bernie LaPlante! He's a celebrity now? 'Cause he stole paint?" -"""This is Gale Gayley for Channel Four News!"" Incredible. Unbelievable! For Bernie LaPlante! He's a celebrity now? 'Cause he stole paint?" We couldn't find his name on the buzzer or on the mailbox, but... -Shouldn't we have buzzed him to let him know -- Half the time he don't answer even if he's home. Know why? 'Cause he don't want no bill collectors to find him. I don't mean to be judgmental, but he's a scumbag. He don't have no friends. Who's gonna like a creep like LaPlante? I was doin' him a favor on the TV outta kindness, and he screwed me. You know what color skin you get on my set, Miss Gayley? Purple! That's what color skin you got on the tee vee LaPlante sells me! -No dead body. Too bad. Not too often you guys get pictures of a body even before the cops get there. Exclusive! I wonder if you'd mind if we waited for him here, Mister Winston... -There's no face really, nothing to work with. Big dots, that's all you'll get. Look at the guy! He just saved fifty people. Now he's going to disappear. Who is he? -Is he like that in real life? So gorgeous? He's pretty... remarkable. -He's pretty... remarkable. You didn't... get it on with him? -You didn't... get it on with him? Don't be ridiculous. I'm a reporter. -Don't be ridiculous. I'm a reporter. Reporters don't have hormones? -Reporters don't have hormones? Reporters... have to... rise above their hormones. -Hey, Miss Gayley, there's a cop looking for you. From Robbery Detail, Inspector Dayton. He wants you to call him. What about? -What about? I didn't ask him. -I didn't ask him. Call him back. Ask him. I'm a little...busy. -Excuse me, Ms. Gayley. That guy Inspector Dayton... he's recovered a bunch of your credit cards and he wants... Who? -Who? Inspector Dayton, the cop from Robbery Detail who was looking for you. They caught the guy who stole your credit cards trying to sell them and he wants... -Inspector Dayton, the cop from Robbery Detail who was looking for you. They caught the guy who stole your credit cards trying to sell them and he wants... Nobody stole my credit cards. They burned up in the crash. Which reminds me, did you get me cash? And what about the reservations? -You test each one thoroughly? You better believe it, buddy. Your average Rolls Royce doesn't have to pass as many tests. You want consistency? You want dependability? You want safety? -You better believe it, buddy. Your average Rolls Royce doesn't have to pass as many tests. You want consistency? You want dependability? You want safety? Safety? -Safety? Listen, you can kick 'em, hit 'em, pour water all over 'em -- nothing. I'm telling you, under ordinary conditions they're quiet, they're nice to have around, they're completely harmless -- but when you blow this whistle... ... then look out. -Look at that. You can't buy better protection than that. That there is your Man's Best Friend. How are they with kids? -How are they with kids? They're great with kids. They love 'em. They eat 'em up. I'm kidding. -They're great with kids. They love 'em. They eat 'em up. I'm kidding. So this really does the trick, eh? -So this really does the trick, eh? Friend, that animal will go after whoever's approaching the sound of that whistle. And God help whoever it is. Because that dog will not let up until there's dead meat on the ground. Put your faith in that, pal. -So, Neil. How's it goin'? Okay. -Okay. I'm Bernard, by the way. Those are cool Reeboks, Neil. They're real new, aren't they? -Hey, c'mon. They're really white. -Give it here, Bernard. Whoa, check it out. -Was that your dad? Nah, that's some guy fixing the living room floor. -So where are all your toys? Let's watch some TV. -Let's watch some TV. Where are these toys of yours? -Where are these toys of yours? A lot of my stuff hasn't been unpacked yet. Here's the TV. -A lot of my stuff hasn't been unpacked yet. Here's the TV. What toys do you have? -Are you being helped, sir? I'm looking for some perfume. -I'm looking for some perfume. Any particular brand? -Any particular brand? Well, it's for a woman. -Well, it's for a woman. Wife, girlfriend or mother? -Wife, girlfriend or mother? Oh -- uh -- girlfriend. -How's the new place? It's great. It's clean and airy and quiet -- there are trees and flowers. There's still some fixing up I have to do, but it's coming along. -It's great. It's clean and airy and quiet -- there are trees and flowers. There's still some fixing up I have to do, but it's coming along. And the rent is okay? -And the rent is okay? Oh, it's nothing. No problem. I was really lucky to find this place. -Oh, it's nothing. No problem. I was really lucky to find this place. "All right then. That's important, isn't it? -- For you to be in an ""up"" environment. I'm saying you should literally take that as your base, do you know what I mean? It's something positive that you've accomplished -- even if you were forced by circumstance -- something for you to build upon." -"All right then. That's important, isn't it? -- For you to be in an ""up"" environment. I'm saying you should literally take that as your base, do you know what I mean? It's something positive that you've accomplished -- even if you were forced by circumstance -- something for you to build upon." Right. -Right. And what about work? Have you had any more thoughts about what you'd like to be doing now? -And what about work? Have you had any more thoughts about what you'd like to be doing now? Well, I've been doing a little independent contracting, some carpentry here and there, y'know, do-it-yourself-type stuff. I still find it very soothing. -Well, I've been doing a little independent contracting, some carpentry here and there, y'know, do-it-yourself-type stuff. I still find it very soothing. I'm happy that you're working again. As long as it comes naturally, that's terrific. You've always liked working with your hands, haven't you? -I'm happy that you're working again. As long as it comes naturally, that's terrific. You've always liked working with your hands, haven't you? Yeah, since I was a kid. I had a woodwork class once when I was... in school that time. Then I learned a lot more when I was in the -- -Yeah, since I was a kid. I had a woodwork class once when I was... in school that time. Then I learned a lot more when I was in the -- -- hospital. --- hospital. -- institution. --- institution. Right. So, you have a new place, you've started working a bit -- I'm sure you'll be meeting some new people. -Right. So, you have a new place, you've started working a bit -- I'm sure you'll be meeting some new people. Actually, I have met someone. There's a woman I think I like. -Actually, I have met someone. There's a woman I think I like. Oh, good -- well, I hope you'll have more to tell me next time. -Yeah, things are moving along, but she's still involved with this other guy and it's a little tricky. Listen, no one ever said expressing yourself to the opposite sex is easy, but when the time comes, you have to do it and you hope the outcome will be good for both of you. You come out of solitary and you rejoin the human race, as difficult as that sometimes can be. -Listen, no one ever said expressing yourself to the opposite sex is easy, but when the time comes, you have to do it and you hope the outcome will be good for both of you. You come out of solitary and you rejoin the human race, as difficult as that sometimes can be. When I was a child... I got used to the closets. The boxes. The cabinet under the kitchen sink... with that persistent drip. I used to the smell of the boxes. Wood. Cardboard. I got so I was comfortable there in the dark. Even... even that old refrigerator in the yard. That smelled like rust and decay. It was safe in the boxes. It was when they took me out -- -I guess so. I mean, I know I'm responsible for my own actions. It was never because I was angry with anyone. I didn't mean to hurt anyone ever. You're responsible for your own actions and you don't mean to hurt anyone. In other words, you've done your best. I'm saying don't carry the burden of other people's actions on your shoulders, because they're beyond your control. -And how are things with your lady friend, if I may call her that? Oh, fine. She's gone away for a little while and when she comes back I've sort of resolved to really tell her how much I care for her. -Oh, fine. She's gone away for a little while and when she comes back I've sort of resolved to really tell her how much I care for her. That's terrific. Don't be afraid to be demonstrative. You're sounding a lot more confident than when we last spoke. -That's terrific. Don't be afraid to be demonstrative. You're sounding a lot more confident than when we last spoke. I am. I'm really feeling pretty good. I have a much stronger sense of how far I've come. -I am. I'm really feeling pretty good. I have a much stronger sense of how far I've come. As long as you keep remembering why. -As long as you keep remembering why. Well, we talked about the whole disapproval thing. -Well, we talked about the whole disapproval thing. The whole disapproval thing. If you allow yourself to get into a situation where someone else's potential disapproval becomes the focal point of your life -- then you're back to a life of fear, aren't you? -- You're a prisoner to that again, and that isn't much of a life. -The whole disapproval thing. If you allow yourself to get into a situation where someone else's potential disapproval becomes the focal point of your life -- then you're back to a life of fear, aren't you? -- You're a prisoner to that again, and that isn't much of a life. I understand that. -I understand that. And please, don't for God's sake misinterpret that as being the voice of discouragement in any way -- -And please, don't for God's sake misinterpret that as being the voice of discouragement in any way -- No, no, no, no. -No, no, no, no. On the contrary -- this is tremendous. I mean, we're all frightened to death of disapproval and we're constantly hiding behind these layers we manufacture for ourselves -- and I'm not saying we should, you know, declare ourselves unhesitatingly to our fellow human beings in the interests of total openness and honesty -- -On the contrary -- this is tremendous. I mean, we're all frightened to death of disapproval and we're constantly hiding behind these layers we manufacture for ourselves -- and I'm not saying we should, you know, declare ourselves unhesitatingly to our fellow human beings in the interests of total openness and honesty -- That would be stupid. -That would be stupid. That would be monumentally stupid. All I'm saying is -- -That would be monumentally stupid. All I'm saying is -- -- a sense of proportion. --- a sense of proportion. A sense of proportion. -Things are beginning to come to a head. I can feel it. And I want everything to be perfect. Who doesn't? -Who doesn't? I've cultivated her interests so that now we have even more in common than ever. -I've cultivated her interests so that now we have even more in common than ever. Well, now, don't go creating some artificial environment for yourself. -Well, now, don't go creating some artificial environment for yourself. Oh no -- I mean, she's genuinely made me more fulfilled in many ways -- and I hope eventually to be able to teach her a few things, too. What I mean is, I guess I'm still waiting for just that right -- synthesis between us -- where everything will be understood between us without even the need for words. -Oh no -- I mean, she's genuinely made me more fulfilled in many ways -- and I hope eventually to be able to teach her a few things, too. What I mean is, I guess I'm still waiting for just that right -- synthesis between us -- where everything will be understood between us without even the need for words. It's not going to happen unless you make it happen, my friend. You're going to have to assert yourself a little bit more. Show your affection. -It's not going to happen unless you make it happen, my friend. You're going to have to assert yourself a little bit more. Show your affection. Yeah, maybe you're right. Everything else is just an excuse. I'm treating the situation with kid gloves because I'm afraid of losing her. -Yeah, maybe you're right. Everything else is just an excuse. I'm treating the situation with kid gloves because I'm afraid of losing her. Ask her how she feels. -Ask her how she feels. I should. -I should. You have to put yourself out there a bit more. -You have to put yourself out there a bit more. Right. -Right. Because life isn't about playing it safe. Life is about taking risks. -Well, these are good signs -- she's broken up with him and the two of you seem to be developing quite a rapport. I know. I just feel that the relationship has reached that delicate stage where the slightest little thing could wreck the careful groundwork I've laid up till now. -I know. I just feel that the relationship has reached that delicate stage where the slightest little thing could wreck the careful groundwork I've laid up till now. I can't help you if you don't help yourself. It's really up to you. Brooding endlessly isn't going to help matters any. -I can't help you if you don't help yourself. It's really up to you. Brooding endlessly isn't going to help matters any. There's so much I want to say to her, it's all jumbled up in my mind, and I don't want her to misunderstand -- -There's so much I want to say to her, it's all jumbled up in my mind, and I don't want her to misunderstand -- Well, you'll just have to make her understand. -Oh, well, do you fix refrigerators? Sure. -Sure. Well, can I make an appointment? -Well, can I make an appointment? Maybe I could take a look at it now. -Oh, great. Yeah, that was easy. -Yeah, that was easy. Do you do washing machines, too? -Do you do washing machines, too? Just show me the way. -Everything breaks at once. Isn't that always the way? -Isn't that always the way? So, you're just kind of a roving -- -So, you're just kind of a roving -- -- General handyman, yeah. I do carpentry, too, painting, almost any odd job around the house. I do housesitting while the owners are away. In fact, that's why I've been in the area. I've been living very close by. Here's the part that's giving you trouble, but I won't be able to get a replacement till the stores open tomorrow morning. --- General handyman, yeah. I do carpentry, too, painting, almost any odd job around the house. I do housesitting while the owners are away. In fact, that's why I've been in the area. I've been living very close by. Here's the part that's giving you trouble, but I won't be able to get a replacement till the stores open tomorrow morning. Oh, that's fine. -I apologize for that scene with my husband. You must have overheard. An occupational hazard, I'm afraid. -An occupational hazard, I'm afraid. I bet. Going into people's homes. -I bet. Going into people's homes. It's a living. -Do you have a family? Uh, no -- I've never really found the time to settle down. -Uh, no -- I've never really found the time to settle down. You must value your independence. -You must value your independence. Yeah, I've always been able to make my way in the world. I don't like having to rely on other people. -Yeah, I've always been able to make my way in the world. I don't like having to rely on other people. It's nice that you can make that choice. -It's nice that you can make that choice. I was alone a lot as a child. No one to compete with. My parents ensured that I found happiness in the smallest things. When you're all alone it's your own world, you don't have to take orders from anybody. You don't necessarily believe the stories people tell you. -I was alone a lot as a child. No one to compete with. My parents ensured that I found happiness in the smallest things. When you're all alone it's your own world, you don't have to take orders from anybody. You don't necessarily believe the stories people tell you. Not me, I fell for it right down the line. Be a good girl and believe all the fairy tales. He married me because I was pretty. -Not me, I fell for it right down the line. Be a good girl and believe all the fairy tales. He married me because I was pretty. Because you were pretty? -I was driving by -- I saw all the cars. Are you all right? Yeah, I'm okay -- it's been a long night. -Yeah, I'm okay -- it's been a long night. What happened? -What happened? Can I tell you tomorrow? I think I... -I was thinking about our conversation the other day -- what you said about choices. Uh huh. -Uh huh. Yeah, you know, that in life you really have to choose what you want to do. -Yeah, you know, that in life you really have to choose what you want to do. Listen, I'm sorry, but it's really late -- you don't have to come tomorrow to work on the floor. -Listen, I'm sorry, but it's really late -- you don't have to come tomorrow to work on the floor. It is tomorrow. -Yeah, right -- I really have to go to bed. I think we should talk first. -About what? About us. -About us. Mr. Sykes, I think you should go home. -I found a cent! """Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck!""" -"'""... or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!"" And inside their new house, the three little pigs just laughed -- '" 'Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf, the Big Bad Wolf...' -Hey. Have a nice time -- it's a good school. Bye, Neil! -Baby, what is it? I'm thirsty. -I'm thirsty. Aw, okay. -It's the middle of the night, sweetie. A man scared me. -A man scared me. A man? Was it a dream? -A man? Was it a dream? Uh huh. -Your daddy and I are kind of mad at each other right now, so we have to spend some time apart. Why are you mad at each other? -Why are you mad at each other? You know how sometimes Neil bugs you and you just get up and walk away from him? -You know how sometimes Neil bugs you and you just get up and walk away from him? Uh huh. -Uh huh. Well, that's what happens with grownups, too. -Well, that's what happens with grownups, too. Did Daddy tease you? -Did Daddy tease you? Yes, he did, and I don't like it any more than you do. -Daddy's gone where Rudolf went and isn't coming back! Holly -- that's not so. -"""Hi. I'm Mr. Edgar!"" Look, Mommy, it doesn't even hurt him." Well, what do you want me to do, Rita -- I can't just forget fifteen years of marriage. Well, of course I know you can. No, Rita, I -- what was that? -- oh, I thought I heard something on the line. -Mommy! It's okay, baby, the police are coming. -You've done a really great job with the house. It's great! Yeah. There's still a lot I want to do. It's not quite... the kids aren't really settled in yet. Even the dog has been terribly high-strung and whines a lot since we've been here. Look, he hasn't even come in for his food today. -Yeah. There's still a lot I want to do. It's not quite... the kids aren't really settled in yet. Even the dog has been terribly high-strung and whines a lot since we've been here. Look, he hasn't even come in for his food today. So you don't have anything concrete? -So you don't have anything concrete? No, I told you. A whiff of perfume on his shirt. -No, I told you. A whiff of perfume on his shirt. Have you just plain asked him? -Have you just plain asked him? I've asked him what's wrong. -I've asked him what's wrong. And? -And? The same thing -- his business pressures, the whole move and everything. He's frantic about nailing this new job, worried about screwing over his present boss. -The same thing -- his business pressures, the whole move and everything. He's frantic about nailing this new job, worried about screwing over his present boss. I'm sure that's all it is, honey. Maybe you both just need a vacation. -I'm sure that's all it is, honey. Maybe you both just need a vacation. I've tried to get him to agree to one. I just -- I don't know... I'm getting such weird vibes lately. -I've tried to get him to agree to one. I just -- I don't know... I'm getting such weird vibes lately. Don't drive yourself crazy. It's probably nothing. -Rita, he's only twelve years old, He'll never appreciate it more. -C'mon, kids, let's go. """We don't want to be late for our first day of school.""" -Why can't you just drive me to my old school every morning? Because you'd have to get up at five a.m., would you like that? -Because you'd have to get up at five a.m., would you like that? I could take a cab on the way home. -I could take a cab on the way home. Here, take this out to the table. -Here, take this out to the table. But there's this psycho. Really. Mom, there's a psycho I have to deal with every day. I don't know why they let a psycho even go to school! -Has anyone seen Rudolf? I don't think he came in last night. No, honey, I haven't seen him. Didn't you feed him this morning? -No, honey, I haven't seen him. Didn't you feed him this morning? RUDOLF! -He doesn't have a temperature. I can't help it if my homework is torn to shreds three times a week by someone much bigger than me. -Thank God. I think we got it just in time before the ink dried. -I think we got it just in time before the ink dried. Whew. -Whew. The pocket's a cinch -- I'll sew it up for you after dinner, okay? -The pocket's a cinch -- I'll sew it up for you after dinner, okay? Thanks, Mom. -Neil, you could have burned the house down! I don't know how it started! -Where'd he go? He's staying with a friend. Hurry up now, you'll be late for school. -Neil -- what -- Mom, there's somebody in the house! -Mom, there's somebody in the house! Honey -- -Honey -- Mom, I heard someone downstairs! -Honey, do you want some hot chocolate? No, thanks, Mom -- I'll go up to bed now. -No, thanks, Mom -- I'll go up to bed now. Do you want me to come up and tuck you in? -Do you want me to come up and tuck you in? That's okay, Mom. -Neil, calm down. Neil, don't leave the back doors open -- I don't want Holly near the pool. -Neil, don't leave the back doors open -- I don't want Holly near the pool. We'd have to get one of those sliding covers for the pool. -I hear what you're saying, but I know what you're thinking. What? -What? You're thinking exactly what I thought when I first saw this house, -You're thinking exactly what I thought when I first saw this house, What's that? -What's that? This -- is -- the -- one -- for -- us. -This -- is -- the -- one -- for -- us. Stop knowing me so well. -Stop knowing me so well. I know it's at the high end of our range -- -I know it's at the high end of our range -- High end? Honey, it's a whole new budget. -High end? Honey, it's a whole new budget. But it's what we want. -But it's what we want. You wanted furniture too, didn't you? -You wanted furniture too, didn't you? They don't expect to get what they're asking. Let's make an offer. -They don't expect to get what they're asking. Let's make an offer. You want me to bargain at the high end of our range? -- I'll have a stroke. I've got to save all my sweat for my meeting in three weeks. -You want me to bargain at the high end of our range? -- I'll have a stroke. I've got to save all my sweat for my meeting in three weeks. You could have a pool to cool off in. -You could have a pool to cool off in. It's a nice pool, isn't it? -It's a nice pool, isn't it? And it's a shorter commute. -And it's a shorter commute. It'll be even shorter if I get that new job. Come on. -What if someone else buys it in the meantime? Honey, nobody buys a house overnight -- if someone else comes back at them, well, we might have to make a counter offer. But we can't look too eager or we'll get screwed. -We're going to think about it. It's very nice, but it's still a little pricey for us. -How were we -- were we cool? "Paul Newman in ""The Hustler.""" -"Paul Newman in ""The Hustler.""" Good -- that's what I was trying to project. -Now, Neil. Stop teasing your sister. Damn. -Did you hear that? What? -What? Did you hear what he said? -Did you hear what he said? What? -What? He made, you know, a remark. -He made, you know, a remark. Honey, are you okay? -Honey, are you okay? -- And keep my kids away from his property -- who the hell does he think he is? Some nice neighborhood. --- And keep my kids away from his property -- who the hell does he think he is? Some nice neighborhood. Honey, the meeting today is going to be fine. Don't get in an uproar. -Honey, the meeting today is going to be fine. Don't get in an uproar. I know. It's just having to pass muster with these juniors before the senior partner even agrees to see me. -I know. It's just having to pass muster with these juniors before the senior partner even agrees to see me. It's just a dumb game they play. You want to be at a bigger firm, get used to the politics. -How was lunch? Huh? -Huh? How was your lunch with Charlie? -How was your lunch with Charlie? Oh -- great. -Oh -- great. Well, did he hear anything about your prospects for the new job? -Well, did he hear anything about your prospects for the new job? No. If I hear anything you'll be the first to know, all right? -Do you remember who gave us this? No. -No. There's no card or anything. -I hear things in this house, All new houses have noises. -All new houses have noises. How long does it have to be a new house? -How long does it have to be a new house? One day before we know it it'll be an old house and we'll be old in it -- and I'll still be paying for it. -One day before we know it it'll be an old house and we'll be old in it -- and I'll still be paying for it. Neil's still having a bad time at school. I feel terrible seeing him so upset all the time. -Neil's still having a bad time at school. I feel terrible seeing him so upset all the time. He's made some friends, hasn't he? -I mean, he's a smart kid, he'll get by -- he takes after me. You're too sensitive. I know someone else who's sensitive. -Yeah, I guess it would be good for us to get away for a while. Maybe Rudolf got the same idea. Dogs need a change of scene, too, from time to time. Someone nice will find him if he gets lost. -No, I'm not kidding you, Philip. What next?! -- A strange bra under my pillow! -I remember what day you wore that jacket. It was Monday. The day you were all day in meetings again? And had to send out for sandwiches? Honey, you know what I've been like lately... I've been a total zombie. I have no idea what that was doing in my pocket. -Honey, you know what I've been like lately... I've been a total zombie. I have no idea what that was doing in my pocket. Well, what about these? Do you usually put your carbons in your pocket, too?! -Sweetheart, this is a very risky time for me right now. Maybe you don't appreciate that. I don't care, Philip. You want to go chasing Barbara Zelman, go ahead. Just watch out for those buck teeth. -I don't care, Philip. You want to go chasing Barbara Zelman, go ahead. Just watch out for those buck teeth. Barbara Zelman? I don't believe this! -Barbara Zelman? I don't believe this! "Do you usually pay for Charlie? At ""Trattoria Valentino""?" -"Do you usually pay for Charlie? At ""Trattoria Valentino""?" Honey, I can't track of all the meals Charlie and I have been having. This is a delicate time. If it leaks out that I'm jumping ship before I'm set up someplace else I could be out on my ear before I'm ready with nothing. With nothing. -Honey, I can't track of all the meals Charlie and I have been having. This is a delicate time. If it leaks out that I'm jumping ship before I'm set up someplace else I could be out on my ear before I'm ready with nothing. With nothing. There are people who do things because they want to get caught. -Who told you that -- someone on the radio? Fuck you, Philip. -I thought we'd be happy here. Honey, I'm sorry, I think the vacation will be a good break for both of us. You'll see. -The cab's waiting! Where should I hide the car keys? -Where should I hide the car keys? I don't know -- put 'em in the drawer with all the Chinese take- away menus. -I don't know -- put 'em in the drawer with all the Chinese take- away menus. Did you lock the garage door? -Did the cleaning woman come? Yeah -- she did a good job. This glass looks brand-new. -The floor has a nice shine to it. Oh God -- we have twenty-two messages on the machine. Did she water this plant? It looks a little bent out of shape. -He wants to see me! Philip! The senior partner? -Philip! The senior partner? His secretary just confirmed. -His secretary just confirmed. Oh baby. -What -- what are you doing? I think you should feel like dancing at a time like this. -I think you should feel like dancing at a time like this. C'mon. -Honey? How did it go? You didn't call me. He wasn't there. -He wasn't there. What? -I get to the restaurant and he's not there. I waited for forty- five minutes. When I called his office, his secretary said they thought I had cancelled. I had cancelled! Then I get back to my office and Aranson is waiting for me and he knows everything. Oh, honey. -Oh, honey. Everything -- that I've been talking to other people behind his back -- that's what he called me -- a back-stabber and a deceiver. To him and to the company. He called me a traitor in front of everybody and told me if I wanted to be a VP over at Lowenthal I might as well pack up and go -- only Lowenthal never showed up for our lunch! It's like everybody got an anonymous poison-pen letter or some -- Do you smell smoke? -Honey -- I can't find those large- size Hefty trash bags! There might be some extras in the garage. -Honey, it's not the end of the world. You'll call Lowenthal tomorrow and find out it was just a mix-up. And if he's not interested anymore, then you'll find another company to go to maybe even your own. You are free now, you are independent. I'm fired. I'm unemployed. Is that your idea of negotiating from a position of strength? Clearly any potential employers have been warned to back off! -I'm fired. I'm unemployed. Is that your idea of negotiating from a position of strength? Clearly any potential employers have been warned to back off! That's not the case. -That's not the case. Someone blew the whistle. Someone hates me. -Boy, you really buckle under a little pressure, don't you? This is for the best, you know it is. Why do my socks keep disappearing! -This is for the best, you know it is. Why do my socks keep disappearing! """Honey, I'm a zombie, I don't know whether I'm coming or going.""" -You're even sadder and more burnt- out than I thought. I am so sick to death of hearing your opinion of my state of mind, what you think is for my own good. Without me you'd still be twirling a baton at U.C. Santa Barbara. You're the final straw on this back, baby! -Who was that? I'm having the floor fixed, -I'm having the floor fixed, And what was that neighbor guy doing here? -And what was that neighbor guy doing here? Philip, what are you doing here? -Philip, what are you doing here? Look, I think we should work things out. -I was having a bad day -- I lost that job, I was dependent on other people, I was let down -- There's always an excuse, isn't there? -There's always an excuse, isn't there? I think it's time I came home now. -I think it's time I came home now. That's not a decision for you to make on your own. -What? No, Philip, I don't want you coming back here. And if you want to talk to me -- call. -No, Philip, I don't want you coming back here. And if you want to talk to me -- call. This is my house. -Oh God. Yeah -- we know him. He's been hanging around the house. -Should I come home when I'm finished there? We'll talk in the morning. -It's been on the market a while, hasn't it? Not very long. There have been a couple of bids already. -Not very long. There have been a couple of bids already. Because it caught my eye when it was in a higher price bracket in the listings. -Because it caught my eye when it was in a higher price bracket in the listings. Oh, yes, well, you know, when developers remodel a house they often overestimate their costs at first. It's not like it's been marked down or anything. -Oh, yes, well, you know, when developers remodel a house they often overestimate their costs at first. It's not like it's been marked down or anything. Just reduced. -Just reduced. Sometimes they prefer a quicker return on their investment. -Sometimes they prefer a quicker return on their investment. This is a terrific entrance hall, What a welcoming feeling. -This is a terrific entrance hall, What a welcoming feeling. Isn't it? -You'll see that there's really much more space than the average three bedroom. Oh, space! -- You said the right thing. -Oh, space! -- You said the right thing. How large is your brood? -How large is your brood? Two -- three if you count the husband. -Two -- three if you count the husband. We must always count the husband. By my count there've been... four. But I still live in hope. -God, your sister's really hot. Shut up. -Let's follow 'em. What for, dickweed? -What for, dickweed? It's fun. -It's fun. Grow up, Dreyer. -Shit! Put it out, man! -Are we gonna buy this house? Do you have enough money? -Dad, we can't decide unless Rudolf gets to look too! Would you mind if Rudolf had a look too? -Okay! We have TV! We can all get stupid again! What about cable? -What about cable? We'll get cable when the cable company is good and ready -- you think you can survive till then? -We'll get cable when the cable company is good and ready -- you think you can survive till then? No. -All right, who ate the last piece of cheesecake? I didn't. -Neil, do you mind? Rudolf? C'mere, Rudolf! -All right then, if I have to go to school then I'd better go. "Why? I just read your report card. What's the point? Stay home, watch some television, we'll get ""Mad"" magazine delivered. What kind of report card do you call this?!" -"Why? I just read your report card. What's the point? Stay home, watch some television, we'll get ""Mad"" magazine delivered. What kind of report card do you call this?!" I've been going through a lot of personal crap, all right? -I've been going through a lot of personal crap, all right? Oh really? You've been going through a lot of personal crap. You, Princess Di and Madonna? -If you want that baseball jacket for your birthday, Neil, learn to cough a little more realistically. I have a cold. -I have a cold. What did the thermometer say? -What did the thermometer say? The thermometer's broken. -Y'know what? I'm ready to cancel our trip. I really am. I've had it. And I can't help having a cold. -And I can't help having a cold. What d'you want me to do, Neil? I've told you we'll get another dog. What does EVERYONE want me to do? You want to move back? Huh? Would you like that? Should we all just pack up again and MOVE BACK?! -Hiya, sport. Where'd you come from, huh? Can we keep him? -A man started the fire. Neil, goddamn it, you're not five years old! -You knew a second ago. Who started it? -- A man. -Do you see a man? No. -No. No man! Go to your room. -I thought I was supposed to stay in my room. Get on the other side of that. -And this -- is the master bedroom. Oh yeah? Where's the bed? -Oh yeah? Where's the bed? Right over here. -Is it a king or a queen? It's a double. -It's a double. Even better. -Even better. Even cosier. -Even cosier. That's right -- you got the bill this morning. I put it on your desk. -That's right -- you got the bill this morning. I put it on your desk. Thank you -- how efficient of you. -Promise? Promise. -I'd like that. Would you? -Would you? Uh huh. -Really? Really. -What the hell. What is this? A joke? No joke, Lieutenant. -No joke, Lieutenant. Where's the guy we saw in the beginning -- what's his name...? -Where's the guy we saw in the beginning -- what's his name...? Parker. We found him knocked out in the can. -Parker. We found him knocked out in the can. If he was knocked out in the can how could be walking across the lobby? -Hey, I don't have answers for this. I just brought you down here because of the sword. Am I supposed to believe that this guy got shot in the chest six times at point blank range and just got up and walked out? -Am I supposed to believe that this guy got shot in the chest six times at point blank range and just got up and walked out? You can believe what you want. You saw the tape. -Lieutenant Bedsoe? Not now. I'm busy. -Lieutenant? What? Who are you? What do you want? -What? Who are you? What do you want? My name is Jennifer Hillman. I'm an archaeologist. I read in the paper about the murder yesterday and I thought I should come talk to you. -My name is Jennifer Hillman. I'm an archaeologist. I read in the paper about the murder yesterday and I thought I should come talk to you. Talk to me about what? -What do you think? They appear to be authentic. -They appear to be authentic. Why are people walking around New York with swords, dressed in mid evil clothing? -Why are people walking around New York with swords, dressed in mid evil clothing? Well, technically it's not mid evil - - it's Renaissance. -You didn't see this. Understand? Yes. -Did you find a sword? An old sword? Yeah -- how'd you know that? -Hey Lieutenant, the boys in robbery have something I think you should look at. What is it? -What is it? A tape from the surveillance camera at the First National Bank. It was robbed this morning. -A tape from the surveillance camera at the First National Bank. It was robbed this morning. Really? I want to make sure that I understand what you're telling me, Greley. A crime was committed in New York City? That is news. -Really? I want to make sure that I understand what you're telling me, Greley. A crime was committed in New York City? That is news. The guy had a sword and was dressed like this guy. -That's not all, Lieutenant. Wait until you see the tape. It's unbelievable. I'd like you to see this. -Good -- also, give it to the papers and TV. Y'know, the guys in robbery are gonna get kind of upset. We're stepping on their toes of this one. -Y'know, the guys in robbery are gonna get kind of upset. We're stepping on their toes of this one. Tough. -Tough. It's not a homicide, Lieutenant. -It's not a homicide, Lieutenant. This ties in with Nash. -This ties in with Nash. We don't have any proof of that. -We don't have any proof of that. I don't need proof. I know it. Send it out. -Anything from the bank? We sent the prints we lifted from the counter at the bank to the State computers, the FBI and interpol. Nothing. -We sent the prints we lifted from the counter at the bank to the State computers, the FBI and interpol. Nothing. He had to come from somewhere. -He had to come from somewhere. I think it was England. -I think it was England. Why? -I asked the State Department to check with our Embassies and Interpol to see if there were any similar occurrences like the bank. Two weeks ago in London Charles Redder from the Bronx was mugged in Hyde Park. So? -I'm in the middle of an interrogation, Captain. Interrogation's over, Bedsoe. -Interrogation's over, Bedsoe. What? -What? Cut him loose. The D.A. says you ain't got shit on this guy. -Cut him loose. The D.A. says you ain't got shit on this guy. You don't understand. About seven years ago we found the body of a guy named Vasilnic in Jersey. A week later in the parking lot of Madison Square Garden we found Iman Fasil. Three days after that Luman Castageer was found in an alley. The fourth body we've never been able to identify. All four men died from decapitation. Nash was our primary suspect -- but he disappeared. -You don't understand. About seven years ago we found the body of a guy named Vasilnic in Jersey. A week later in the parking lot of Madison Square Garden we found Iman Fasil. Three days after that Luman Castageer was found in an alley. The fourth body we've never been able to identify. All four men died from decapitation. Nash was our primary suspect -- but he disappeared. It's circumstantial. -For Chrissake! Gimme a break. The guy disappears for seven years and as soon as he comes back it starts again. I see your point, Bedsoe, but I have to look at this from the law's point of view. There's something missing here. It's something I'm sure you've come across many times in your career. It's called evidence. Get me a murder weapon with his fingerprints on it. Find me an eye witness. Dig up a motive. Until then we don't have a case against him. -Detective Bedsoe. Lieutenant. -Lieutenant. Congratulations. -When did you get back? A few days ago. -A few days ago. That's what I figured. Well, I have a little home coming present for you. -Where were you last night around nine? I already told you. I took a walk. -I already told you. I took a walk. Tell me again. Where'd you go? -Tell me again. Where'd you go? Central Park. -Central Park. Doesn't it scare you walk through the park at night? -Doesn't it scare you walk through the park at night? No. I don't scare easy. -No. I don't scare easy. Where have you been for the last seven years? -Where have you been for the last seven years? Around. -Around. And Brenda? -She was a good woman. You didn't bring me here to talk about her. -You didn't bring me here to talk about her. No. -I brought you here to talk about him. Do you know him? No. -No. You sure? -You sure? He doesn't look familiar -- but then he'd probably be easier to identity with his head. -I'm gonna nail you, Nash. That's a promise. Is that it? -No. I'm telling you right now, the next person's head that comes off is gonna be yours. Lieutenant, you're really frightening me. -Lieutenant, you're really frightening me. Get outta here. -Good evening, Lieutenant. No -- it isn't. A cop died today and the other is barely holding on. I want some answers, Nash. -No -- it isn't. A cop died today and the other is barely holding on. I want some answers, Nash. I'm sorry about that -- but I had nothing to do with it. -I'm sorry about that -- but I had nothing to do with it. That doesn't mean you don't know what's going on. You're connected to this guy somehow. He's after you -- just like the others were. -That doesn't mean you don't know what's going on. You're connected to this guy somehow. He's after you -- just like the others were. It's late. -Seven years ago I interviewed a guy. He said he saw two men fighting in an alley with swords. One cut off the others head. He shot the surviving guy twenty times and he got right back up and stabbed him. Maybe he was a lousy shot. -Most people would show some sign of fear with a gun in their face. Most people are afraid of death. -Yes -- I think it is. Hey -- somebody want to gimme a hand here? -You'll have no need for that, Highlander. Since we hardly know each other, I'm sure you'll understand if I hold one to it for awhile. -Since we hardly know each other, I'm sure you'll understand if I hold one to it for awhile. Caution shows wisdom. -I know that weapon. It belonged to Juan Romeriz. He's dead? Aye. -You? No. He was my brother. He died at anothers hand. -No. He was my brother. He died at anothers hand. We too are brothers, Macleod. In fact, you have more family than you think. -We too are brothers, Macleod. In fact, you have more family than you think. Who are you? -Who are you? Thomas Cavenaugh. I am a teacher of sorts. Like Romeriz I help those newly acquainted with our life. -Thomas Cavenaugh. I am a teacher of sorts. Like Romeriz I help those newly acquainted with our life. I learned my fill from Romeriz. -I learned my fill from Romeriz. Indeed you did. And now it is time for you to pass on to others what you learned from him. -The prize? So much blood so that in the end the one that remains will be mortal again. So much pain so that the winner can grow old and have children. The prize hardly seems worth the cost of it. There will be more to the prize than that. Power will come with it -- and it must be used for good. -There will be more to the prize than that. Power will come with it -- and it must be used for good. The days of magic are ending. The world is changing. -The days of magic are ending. The world is changing. Aye -- yet one such as I who has wandered this world for nearly nine centuries can remember back to other days of change. Days of Robin of the Hood and Arthur Pendragon. They were real enough once, but they drifted into men's dreams and became legend - - as we shall do one day. -You cannot run from your destiny, Conner. Perhaps -- but if I must face it, let it find me, for I shall search for it no more. -Must you do that? What? -What? Sing. -Sing. It is a beautiful day. I am merely enjoying it. -It is a beautiful day. I am merely enjoying it. Can't you enjoy it quietly? -Can't you enjoy it quietly? Are you always this pleasant? You know what you're problem is? -Are you always this pleasant? You know what you're problem is? You? -Life. You've stopped living it. You look, but you do not see. You listen but, you do not hear. I hear you. -I hear you. What else? What else do you hear right now? -The river. That's all? -That's all? Yes. -Do you not hear the wind in the trees? The songs of the birds. The horses breath? There is a whole world around you. Alive. Living. Feel it -- become part of it. Live your life, Highlander. It's going to be a long one. That is what bothers me. -That is what bothers me. I see. You don't care about life anymore. -I'm leaving. Leaving what? -Leaving what? England. There is nothing for me here anymore. -England. There is nothing for me here anymore. And what do you think you will find in another land? -And what do you think you will find in another land? Maybe myself. -Maybe myself. Then it's worth the journey. -Thank you, Thomas. For what? -For being a friend when I needed one. I hope our paths cross again. I'm sure they will. -I'm sure they will. As friends -- always as friends. -As friends -- always as friends. We cannot write our destiny, Macleod. In the end it could be you and me. -We cannot write our destiny, Macleod. In the end it could be you and me. That is a thought that doesn't please me. -That is a thought that doesn't please me. If it came down to it what would you do? -If it came down to it what would you do? I do not know. I pray that I shall never have to raise my sword against one that I call friend. -You're looking a wee bit green, Thomas. The sea and I don't agree with each other. Where we off to? -The sea and I don't agree with each other. Where we off to? France. -France. How long is the voyage? -How long is the voyage? Not long. We should arrive in the morning. Are you going to be alright? -Not long. We should arrive in the morning. Are you going to be alright? Me? Of course. -What are we doing here? Living. Remember? -Living. Remember? You may be living -- but this suit is killing me. -To ask her to dance. She's the King's cousin. -She's the King's cousin. Then she should be an excellent dancer. -Yes. What worries you? -What worries you? You. -You've been seeing her for over a month now. Have you learned nothing from the past? I've learned that a man can only go so along living alone. -I've learned that a man can only go so along living alone. So, you do this for yourself? What about her? You cannot not have a relationship, Macleod. You've told me of your wife, Heather, and how you loved her. Romeriz warned you then, but you would not listen. You watched her grow old and die -- and there was nothing you could do. -That was two hundred and fifty years ago -- and the pain still scars your heart. Would you live that pain again? No. What am I to do? -No. What am I to do? The only thing you can do. You must end it. -Well? It's done. -I'll go first. No -- I will. -No -- I will. I stood up first. -I stood up first. That doesn't matter. -That doesn't matter. You always get to go first. -You can go first. No -- after you. -It will be a good harvest this year. Can you really tell from doing that? -Can you really tell from doing that? What do you think? -What do you think? I think you just like to eat dirt. -I think my Sarah fancies you, Conner. She's a treasure she is. -She's a treasure she is. She'll soon be of age. -Your words are kind and they flatter me -- but I think of her as a sister. Besides, you hardly know me. I know that for six months you've worked hard and asked for little. That you're a good and honest man. What more need I know? -This cannot be. It is. Do not ask me how. I do not know. I must leave, for if I stayed others would surely hear of this and worse than they will come. -It is. Do not ask me how. I do not know. I must leave, for if I stayed others would surely hear of this and worse than they will come. Agreed. -Agreed. I would like to say goodbye. -I would like to say goodbye. How? -How comes it your are not afraid? Would'st you harm one who comes to aid you? -I've come to strike a bargain with you. I wish to learn the power of changing. And what would'st I gain from this bargain? -And what would'st I gain from this bargain? Your life. -Your life. How? -We had a bargain. You promised. I lied. -Aye? Where do you go when your mind drifts? -Where do you go when your mind drifts? Different places. -Different places. The past? -The past? Sometimes. -Sometimes. Why is it you never talk to me about Scotland -- your life there. -Why is it you never talk to me about Scotland -- your life there. Because it's the past -- and things that are in the past are best left there. -I cannot stay. Why not? -Why not? I'm leaving in the morning. -Leaving? For how long? You'll no see me again. -Why? I cannot explain. -I cannot explain. Do you love me, Conner? -Do you love me, Conner? Aye. -Aye. Then take me with you. -Then take me with you. Where I'm going you cannot follow. -Where I'm going you cannot follow. Why are you doing this? -Why are you doing this? Because, it's for the best. There are somethings that are better left unexplained. -Electro magnetic soundings indicate we've only got a few inches of rock left before we reach the main chamber. Any idea how big the cavern is on the other side? -Any idea how big the cavern is on the other side? Huge. -Huge. What are you hoping to find inside? -You guys are from the British museum, right? No -- we're from Strange facts and mysteries. It's a syndicated show out of.. -No -- we're from Strange facts and mysteries. It's a syndicated show out of.. Paul. I thought we agreed. No press. -My name is Jennifer Hillman. I was at the police station earlier today-- I remember you. -I remember you. I was wondering if I could talk to you? -I was wondering if I could talk to you? Are you a cop? -Are you a cop? No. I'm an archaeologist. -No. I'm an archaeologist. What do you want? -What do you want? To talk to you. -To talk to you. I don't think we have anything to talk about, Miss Hillman. -Corpses? Yes. We found another man outside a site we were working at in Scotland. -Yes. We found another man outside a site we were working at in Scotland. In the highlands? -Yes. How did you know? A lucky guess. -A lucky guess. I don't think so -- but then, maybe you've can guess how a guy with a sword could rob the First national Bank this afternoon -- and get shot six times in the chest by the guard and still get up and walk out? -I don't think so -- but then, maybe you've can guess how a guy with a sword could rob the First national Bank this afternoon -- and get shot six times in the chest by the guard and still get up and walk out? He was wearing a bullet proof vest. -He was wearing a bullet proof vest. Bullet proof vests don't bleed. -Bullet proof vests don't bleed. You got me. -You got me. Why do I feel that you know what's going on? -Why do I feel that you know what's going on? Are you the type of person who takes advice, Miss Hillman? -Are you the type of person who takes advice, Miss Hillman? If it's good advice. -If it's good advice. This is. Go home. Stay out of this. -This is. Go home. Stay out of this. Why? What's going on? -Where did you get it? It's mine. It's been in my family for years. It belonged to my great, great, great grandmother. -You're hurt. I'll be fine. -I'll be fine. What's going on? Why did he call you Macleod? -What's going on? Why did he call you Macleod? Because it's my name. -Because it's my name. Then who's Russell Nash? -Then who's Russell Nash? I don't know anymore. -You are a very persistent woman, Miss Hillman. Jennifer. -Why do you stare at me like that? You remind me of someone I used to know. -I don't have any answers for you. Who was that man last night? -Who was that man last night? I don't know. -I don't know. Then how did he know your name? -Do you always walk around with a sword? New York is dangerous place. -New York is dangerous place. You talk to me -- but you don't answer my questions. I guess I'll have to talk to Lieutenant Bedsoe. -You talk to me -- but you don't answer my questions. I guess I'll have to talk to Lieutenant Bedsoe. About what? -About what? It probably wouldn't interest you. It's something I read in a mythology book. -It probably wouldn't interest you. It's something I read in a mythology book. I'm interested in mythology. -I'm interested in mythology. Have you ever heard of the Calan? -No. You look like you have. -Yes. Meet me Tratino's at nine. -Meet me Tratino's at nine. Why? -Why? I told you I'm interested in mythology. We can talk about it more. -Good evening. You're twenty minutes late. -You're twenty minutes late. Sorry. -You didn't answer my question. I know. -You have an interesting accent. Where are you from? Why? -I'm just trying to place you. I've lived all over the world. -You're not an easy person to get to know. Why? Because I don't give up all my secrets? -Why? Because I don't give up all my secrets? How come you wanted to meet tonight? -How come you wanted to meet tonight? I wanted to get to know you better. -That makes you uncomfortable? A little -- yes. My interest in coming here is profession. -A little -- yes. My interest in coming here is profession. Is it? -Is it? Yes -- it is. -Yes -- it is. Alright. In the shop you mentioned something about-- -Alright. In the shop you mentioned something about-- --the Calan. Do you know who they are? ---the Calan. Do you know who they are? Why don't you tell me. -Have you told Lieutenant Bedsoe your theory? No. -No. Why not? -Why not? Because I don't feel like sitting in a rubber room for forty-eight hours. -Because I don't feel like sitting in a rubber room for forty-eight hours. You don't really believe this do you? -Let me ask you something else. At the excavation site in Scotland, the tunnel leading into the cavern had collapsed. The day we found the body someone had moved the rocks, making a hole in the collapsed section. What bothers me is that we found the rocks from the hole on our side of the tunnel wall. So? -So? Why would someone pull on the rocks to get in the cavern? They were wedged in tight. They couldn't get a grip on them. They would have had much more strength pushing on them. -Why would someone pull on the rocks to get in the cavern? They were wedged in tight. They couldn't get a grip on them. They would have had much more strength pushing on them. If they pushed the rocks you would have found them on the other side of the cavern wall. -If they pushed the rocks you would have found them on the other side of the cavern wall. Yes -- if they were trying to get in -- but what if they weren't? What if they were trying to get out? -That would mean they'd been trapped in there-- --for three hundred years. ---for three hundred years. How could that be? People don't live for three hundred years. -How could that be? People don't live for three hundred years. Not unless they're immortal. -Would you like to see it? I've seen it. -I've seen it. On the back it has-- -On the back it has-- --the crest of a lion and a dragon and a single word: Courage. ---the crest of a lion and a dragon and a single word: Courage. How did you know that? -It came from your great, great, great grandmother, Isabelle Tourez, who lived in Paris and died on the guillotine in 1789 -- alone -- and unmarried. The ring was given to her by someone who loved her -- but knew that it could never be. You? -You wanted the truth -- now you have it. And the other one -- he is like you? -And the other one -- he is like you? He is immortal -- yes -- but he is not like me. We are the last of our kind. The last of the Calans. I do not know what purpose we were put here for. I only know that if he wins the world will suffer for it. -Where will you go now? It will end tonight. -It will end tonight. Must you fight him? -Must you fight him? He will not stop until it is over. -He's in there! Get out. -Be careful, Conner. Conner? -What now? Now I can start to live. To feel. To grow old and live each day without the promise of another. -Now I can start to live. To feel. To grow old and live each day without the promise of another. Sounds very -- normal. -Just a little. Who knows what we're going to find in there. It could be a huge excavation. A little friendly PR never hurt. Where is the film crew from the British Museum? -Where is the film crew from the British Museum? They've had a little car trouble. I'm afraid they won't be here until after dark. -They've had a little car trouble. I'm afraid they won't be here until after dark. Then we shouldn't break into the cavern until tomorrow morning. This could be a very important find. I want it documented. -We're holding the workers down below. Why? -Why? Someone broke into the cavern last night. -Someone broke into the cavern last night. What? How? -He's fine. He swears he never left his post for a moment. He heard a noise and when he went back to look they were already inside. How could they get by him? -How could they get by him? I don't know. -We found him this morning. What's that next to him? -What's that next to him? His head. Someone cut it off. -Incredible. The cloth -- the buttons -- it looks to be mid sixteen hundreds. It's a remarkable duplication. I don't think it is a duplication. -I don't think it is a duplication. It has to be. -It has to be. And this? -You stayed here again last night? I was working on the cataloging. -I was working on the cataloging. Jennifer, there is more to life than work. -Jennifer, there is more to life than work. I know, Paul. -Do you? Then why don't you go out? Meet someone. Make a life for yourself instead of hiding away in the past? I like my work. -I like my work. I'm having some people over tonight for dinner -- I'd like you come. -I'm having some people over tonight for dinner -- I'd like you come. We'll see. -It flatters me you remember, old one. It's been what... two hundred years? It's not been long enough. What witchcraft is this? -Impressive -- is it not? The problem is I can only keep the illusion for a few minutes. I need more power to hold the form longer. I need the Highlander. Where is he? I do not know -- and even if I did... -I do not know -- and even if I did... I know. I know-- you would not tell me. Loyalty -- it really is a concept that eludes me. Oh well -- I shall find him. Time is on my side. -Oh -- I almost forgot. Your head. It does not come off as easily as the young ones. -It does not come off as easily as the young ones. Perhaps -- but it comes off none the less. -Highlander -- I had hoped it would be you. This cannot be. -I am stronger than you, Highlander. That's what the Kurgan said. -That's what the Kurgan said. The Kurgan was a pussy. -Fine -- I've waited over three centuries. I can wait a little longer. Why did you wait? -Why did you wait? It was not by choice. A small matter of a mountain falling down on us. We were trapped inside. When the time of the Gathering came the urge to go was so strong we tried to claw through rock with our bare hands. What you thought was the end -- was not. This is the end. We are the last of our kind, Macleod. -It was not by choice. A small matter of a mountain falling down on us. We were trapped inside. When the time of the Gathering came the urge to go was so strong we tried to claw through rock with our bare hands. What you thought was the end -- was not. This is the end. We are the last of our kind, Macleod. It will not end tonight. -It will not end tonight. You cannot hide from me. You will not stand between me and my destiny. After I have your head the power will let me hold any form as long as I want. Do you know what that means? I can become the President -- I can become anyone I want. The world will be mine. -You know it's not safe here for you. I know. -I know. The police still have a lot of questions for Russell Nash. -The police still have a lot of questions for Russell Nash. I can take care of myself. -It isn't over, is it, Conner? No. -No. How can that be? -How can that be? I don't know. -Is there anything else you need? No -- I'm fine. Thank you. -I'm glad you've come home, Conner. Me too. -Would you care for some water, Conner? Aye -- that I would, lass. -Don't leave us, Conner. It's not for me to decide. -Don't cry, wee one. It's a better place I go to. I love you, Conner. -I love you, Conner. Aye -- I know, Las -- and I have never loved anyone more. -Aye -- I know, Las -- and I have never loved anyone more. I'll no forget you. -I'll no forget you. And I you. Go now. Let me walk to heavens door alone. -You kept it? Yes. -What are you doing? I shouldn't have come back here. It was a mistake. -I shouldn't have come back here. It was a mistake. Is it a mistake for someone to go to the ones who love them when they're in trouble? -Is it a mistake for someone to go to the ones who love them when they're in trouble? Yes -- when their troubles can harm them. -Yes -- when their troubles can harm them. Why won't you ever let anyone help you? -I heard voices downstairs. Is everything alright? Fine. -Fine. What will you do? -What will you do? There's nothing I can do. I'll wait. One way or another soon it will all be over soon. -I could have ended it tonight, but I didn't. Why? -Why? I don't know. He is the stronger one. He has a power-- -I don't know. He is the stronger one. He has a power-- You also have a power, Conner. It is why you have survived. -Do not underestimate the power of your heart. Your dreams live there. My dreams died long ago. -My dreams died long ago. Did they? You are only a man, different than most -- but still a man. You feel the same -- want the same. You want to live. -Did they? You are only a man, different than most -- but still a man. You feel the same -- want the same. You want to live. I haven't lived life -- I've hidden from it. I've existed in the shadows. -I haven't lived life -- I've hidden from it. I've existed in the shadows. And now it's time to come out of the shadows. -Dear, sweet, Rachel. Men's lifes are measured by the good they do. If you search your heart you know all the good you have done. Your strength comes from your heart -- because in your heart you know what you are fighting for is good and just. This room is filled with memories. If you search through them you can find the good -- the difference you have made. And now, it is for you to make the greatest difference of all. Look in your heart, Conner -- and you will see the good that you have done. -Good afternoon, Mr. Parker. Good afternoon... ... Shirley. -Good afternoon... ... Shirley. Would you like to deposit this in your account? -Would you like to deposit this in your account? No. The money, please. -No. The money, please. This check is for sixteen thousand dollars. That's a lot of cash to be carrying around. -This check is for sixteen thousand dollars. That's a lot of cash to be carrying around. I can take care of myself. -I can take care of myself. Alright. It's going to take a few minutes. I have to call and verify the funds. -Mike! Mike, can you hear me? I think he's dead! -I think he's dead! Don't shout, Larry. I'm three feet away. -The house belongs to Walter and Pamela Smith. They've got two kids, a girl about fifteen and a boy younger, Jennifer and Thomas. That would be the girl who opened the door. Are the others inside? -That would be the girl who opened the door. Are the others inside? The mother is in Florida visiting her sister. The father works at home, so he's probably inside. -Call the Palmdale City Attorney for a telephonic search warrant. When you get the warrant, have Mikkelson and Dreyer search his house. Yes, sir. -Wow. Sure, right away, Chief. Don't tell anyone what you're doing, not Louise, not the other guys, not the Sheriffs. You understand me, Larry? -Don't tell anyone what you're doing, not Louise, not the other guys, not the Sheriffs. You understand me, Larry? I guess so. -I guess so. Fuck guessing. You keep your mouth shut. -Fuck guessing. You keep your mouth shut. I will, Chief. Absolutely. -I will, Chief. Absolutely. Get to work. -Talley. It's me, Chief. Can you talk? -What'd you find out? The cell phone is registered to a jewelry store in Beverly Hills. The phone company shows no unusual -- -The cell phone is registered to a jewelry store in Beverly Hills. The phone company shows no unusual -- Dead end--it's a clone. What about the Mustang? -Dead end--it's a clone. What about the Mustang? It was stolen. -You get anything on Smith? Chief...it's like none of this exists. I'm sorry. -Chief...it's like none of this exists. I'm sorry. Keep trying. -The house is in flames, Benza's accountant is with the cops, and they're stacking the bodies like cordwood. Jesus Christ, it's a clusterfuck. -Jesus Christ, it's a clusterfuck. You wanted to let Sonny handle it. I would've moved in when we first found out. -And by doing so, he would've known we have spies in his organization. Yes, sir. But what about the disks? If the cops end up with the disks, we're gonna see a whole lot of heat. -Yes, sir. But what about the disks? If the cops end up with the disks, we're gonna see a whole lot of heat. I hate that Mickey Mouse bastard. I hated his father, and I hate Sonny, too. Always with the tan. -I hate that Mickey Mouse bastard. I hated his father, and I hate Sonny, too. Always with the tan. What do you want to do? -What do you want to do? Our people out there, they good people? People in the right place? -Our people out there, they good people? People in the right place? The best. -The best. Sonny's a fuckup. If he pulls this off, fine--life goes on. But if the cops end up with those disks, we cut our losses. -Sonny's a fuckup. If he pulls this off, fine--life goes on. But if the cops end up with those disks, we cut our losses. I understand. -I understand. I want a message sent: No fuckups allowed. -I want a message sent: No fuckups allowed. I'll make the call. -Worst case, it's a bloodbath. The detectives come out with Smith's computer, and we go directly to jail, do not pass Go. Maybe Glen already picked up the disks. -Maybe Glen already picked up the disks. I took the call from Glen personally. They're still in Smith's house. -You should warn them, Sonny. Fuck them! Now get your head in the game, Phil--we have to handle this. -Put our people on the scene. Smith might talk just to cut a break for his kids. He knows better than that. -He knows better than that. Bullshit--a man will do anything to save his family. Who's running the show up there? -Find out how we can hurt him. By the end of the day, I want to own him. It's happening right now. -Maybe we're getting too dramatic. It's three kids. They'll give up, the cops will arrest them, and that's that. Why would they search the house? You think we should take that chance? -You think we should take that chance? I guess not. -I guess not. I guess not, too. How much information is in the house? -What, he's cute? That's his idea of humor? If the Feds get those disks, the East Coast is gonna take a hit, too. You should let them know. -If the Feds get those disks, the East Coast is gonna take a hit, too. You should let them know. No way. I tell them, that Old Man is gonna handle this from back there. -Jen? Are you all right? She'll be dead if you don't put your ass in that chair! -Who sent you? Don't go Rambo and you'll tell'm about this on the back nine. I'm gonna tie you up, then we're gonna take your car. -The car. All you want is the car? Am I talkin' raghead?! I want your car! Gimme the goddamned keys! -Stay down! Stay down, goddamnit! I'm going to my desk. -I'm going to my desk. You're not goin' anywhere! Get on the fuckin' floor! -Get on the floor! I have contacts in Los Angeles. Lawyers and judges who can help you. -Mars, watch the cops! Kevin! Watch the back of the house! You won't die if you let me help. -You won't die if you let me help. Bullshit! -Bullshit! But if you stay in this house, I can promise you this -- -But if you stay in this house, I can promise you this -- Shut up! Shut up and get on the floor! -Shut up! Shut up and get on the floor! You can't imagine the fucking you're going to get. -C'mon, Dennis, this is stupid. I thought we were gonna go to the movies. Mars?! Whattaya think, dude? Out here on the edge, no one around, it's perfect, right? -Try to act cool, okay? He's gonna think you're a dick. Robbing this place is gonna put you back in prison. -Robbing this place is gonna put you back in prison. Not if they don't catch us, Kevin. -Not if they don't catch us, Kevin. We got jobs, man; we're working. Why even take the chance? -We got jobs, man; we're working. Why even take the chance? Because if you don't take the chance, you're already dead. -There's fuckin' blood all over you! I didn't know he would have a gun! It just went off! -That woman's gonna call the cops. Shut up, goddamnit! Just calm down! -Shut up, goddamnit! Just calm down! What if he's dead? What if you killed him? -That's why we gotta keep going. I'm not gonna go in for murder. We're on foot. We can't get away. -We're on foot. We can't get away. We're surrounded by houses, dumbass. Every house has a car in the garage. All we have to do is take one. -We could've gone out the back! You didn't have to shoot! Stop it! They found the truck, Kev! They're already behind us! -Stop it! They found the truck, Kev! They're already behind us! We should give up. All we're doing is making it worse. -I have to tell you something -- We gotta find a way outta here is what we gotta do! -We gotta find a way outta here is what we gotta do! It's about Mars -- -That cop didn't pull his gun. Mars lied. He just started shooting! Bullshit. Why would Mars do that? -Bullshit. Why would Mars do that? I was there, Dennis! I saw! It's like he wanted to shoot that cop. -I was there, Dennis! I saw! It's like he wanted to shoot that cop. You're being stupid. Check out the bathroom. Maybe we can sneak out a window -- -Jesus. What is this? Are you totally stupid? What does it look like? -Everyone knows what we look like, Dennis. We won't be able to hide. Jesus, first Mars, now you. You two need anti-depressants. -Someone should stay with Mr. Smith. What if he wakes up? That's why we tied him, dumbass. Now come here and see this -- -These bushes follow the wall into the neighbor's yard. All we need is some kind of diversion and we're home free. That's crazy, Dennis. The cops will see us. -That's crazy, Dennis. The cops will see us. Not if they're looking at something else. -Not if they're looking at something else. Like what? -We can't carry all this. It's too heavy. I've been carrying you our whole fuckin' lives. -We're fucked. We're fucked until we think of a way out; then we're rich. -We're fucked until we think of a way out; then we're rich. There is no way out. -There is no way out. For chrissake, please! Help me celebrate! I figured it out! -For chrissake, please! Help me celebrate! I figured it out! Celebrate what? Going to prison? -If we don't escape, we gotta get the word out about the cash. That's how we'll stay alive. What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? The only way he can keep the cash is if nobody knows about it. He's gotta cap all three of us before they even read our rights. He's probably planning it right now. -The only way he can keep the cash is if nobody knows about it. He's gotta cap all three of us before they even read our rights. He's probably planning it right now. That's crazy. He's not going to kill us. -That's crazy. He's not going to kill us. Kevin, you're so fuckin' stupid... -It's over. We have to give up. Fuck it's over. That money's mine. -Fuck it's over. That money's mine. That money's fucked up your brain. Talley's going to get tired of waiting for us to give up, and we'll all be fuckin' killed! -Then we might as well die rich. I'm not going to die for this! -You with the cops? The Bristo Police Department. Look out the window. You see the car? -Yeah. I'm Rooney. We had an awful lot of shooting. You need a doctor in there? -We're cool. Let me speak to Mr. Smith. I want to hear it from him. -Let me speak to Mr. Smith. I want to hear it from him. Fuck you. I'm running this shit. You talk to me. -Fuck you. I'm running this shit. You talk to me. How about your two friends? You don't have a man dying in there, do you? -How about your two friends? You don't have a man dying in there, do you? They're fine. -All three subjects are confirmed inside. Call off the house-to-house. Okay, Dennis, I want to explain your situation -- You don't have to explain shit! That Chinaman pulled a gun. We wrestled for it. That Chinaman shot himself. -You don't have to explain shit! That Chinaman pulled a gun. We wrestled for it. That Chinaman shot himself. Mr. Kim didn't make it, Dennis. He died. -Mr. Kim didn't make it, Dennis. He died. How about the cop? -How about the cop? Dennis? I want you to release those people. -Dennis? I want you to release those people. Fuck that. They're the only thing stopping you from blowing us away. -Fuck that. They're the only thing stopping you from blowing us away. We're not coming in there by force, okay? No one wants to hurt you. -We're not coming in there by force, okay? No one wants to hurt you. I got these people! You try to come get me, I'll kill every fuckin' one of them! -It's over now, Dennis! Don't hurt anyone. We'll burn this fuckin' place down! I got gasoline all over in here! -Talley? I'm here. -I'm here. I want a helicopter to take us to Mexico. -I want a helicopter to take us to Mexico. That's not going to happen, Dennis. They won't give you a helicopter. -That's not going to happen, Dennis. They won't give you a helicopter. I'll give you these people. -I'll give you these people. The Mexican police would arrest you as soon as it landed. There's only one way out and you're doing it right now--just keep talking to us. I think we could make the transition now. Maddox, you good to go? -Hey, Dennis? Can I let you in on a personal secret? What? -What? I gotta piss real bad. -You're a funny guy, Talley. I'm going to put on an officer named Will Maddox. You talk to him for a while. -That you, Talley? The one and only. We got a little problem out here, Dennis. -The one and only. We got a little problem out here, Dennis. You oughta try on the problem I got in here. -You oughta try on the problem I got in here. I need you to let me talk to Mr. Smith. -We been through that. Forget it. We can't forget it. The Sheriffs think you won't let me talk to Smith because he's dead. They think you murdered him. -Now I understand. That helps. I can make them understand that. Okay. -Okay. Let me come get him. -Let me come get him. Fuck that! You bastards will jump me! -Fuck that! You bastards will jump me! If you won't let me come in, then put him outside. -If you won't let me come in, then put him outside. You'll cap my ass as soon as I step out the door! -You'll cap my ass as soon as I step out the door! You've already helped yourself once, Dennis; be smart again. If you save his life, it'll help when you get to court. -You got a sniper out there, gonna shoot me? Only if you try to grab me. We could've shot you from the wall. -You've been in there a long time. What're you waiting for? Would you be in a hurry to go to prison for the rest of your life? -Would you be in a hurry to go to prison for the rest of your life? I'd be trying to get the best deal that I could. -I'd be trying to get the best deal that I could. Maybe that's what I'm doing. Can I reach in my pocket, show you something? -You picked a bad house to hole up in, son. Two hundred thousand cash, right in your pocket, no one needs to know. -Two hundred thousand cash, right in your pocket, no one needs to know. Give up. -Give up. There's a million dollars in there, maybe two million. I'll give you half. -It ain't been a good day, Chief. Give up, Dennis. Let these people go. At least you'll have your life. -Who else is here? My father. -He needs a doctor. Shut up and sit down. You think someone's gonna make a house call? -My father needs a doctor. Please. Hey, I've got a situation here, in case you haven't noticed. -Hey, I've got a situation here, in case you haven't noticed. All you're doing is watching yourself on TV. Look at him. -All you're doing is watching yourself on TV. Look at him. Use more ice. -Use more ice. I'm getting a doctor! -What about my father? Aw, Jesus, not more of this. -Aw, Jesus, not more of this. Look at him! I think he's dying! -Look at him! I think he's dying! Take'm back upstairs, but don't tie'm like before. That little fuck untied himself anyway. -It's a safety room. If anyone breaks into your house, you can hide. Who gives a shit, Mars? Check out the cash! We're rich. -Who gives a shit, Mars? Check out the cash! We're rich. We're trapped in a house. -We can take it with us. You can't run with suitcases. -That's right. That's a good idea, Mars. Find something: Extension cords, rope, wire--we'll have to tie them tight. -Find something: Extension cords, rope, wire--we'll have to tie them tight. Find something, Kevin. Don't just stand there. And tie this bastard, too. I don't want him waking up and goin' Rambo on us. -The cops are comin'! I got the gasoline -- -I got the gasoline -- We don't have time! -What the fuck is that? They'll cut the power. -Cops want to be rich like everyone else. All we have to do is share. And if he wants someone to swing for the Chinaman, we'll give'm Mars. Dennis. -You got something to say? I like it here, Dennis. I'm never going to leave. -I like it here, Dennis. I'm never going to leave. Fuckin' A. -You mean he left, as in went out the front door? I overheard him with the girl. -I overheard him with the girl. Shit! That fuck! Even when I want to turn myself in he screws it up! Did he take the kids with him? -Shit! That fuck! Even when I want to turn myself in he screws it up! Did he take the kids with him? I don't know. -I don't know. Jesus, get upstairs and find out! If he took those kids, we're fucked! -Can you identify this man? That would be Mars Krupchek. Jesus, he works for me, too. -That would be Mars Krupchek. Jesus, he works for me, too. Have Louise run the name 'Mars Krupchek' through DMV and NCIC. Tell her to list the tattoo as an identifier. -Is Krupchek an aggressive guy? Hot- tempered? Anything like that? Keeps to himself, more like. -Keeps to himself, more like. You have his address? -You have his address? Pretty sure I do. Yeah, here we go -- -Talley lives here. I don't know if the place has security or not. It won't be a problem. -It won't be a problem. He has a wife and kid. That's how we'll get to him. -He has a wife and kid. That's how we'll get to him. Okey-doke. -Okey-doke. We have to own this guy, Marion. We don't want him dead; we need to use him. -Donuts here any good? I don't eat junk food. -Are you out of your mind? You fucked up, Glen. -L.A. County Sheriffs are inbound from a bank robbery in Pico Rivera. Give me an ETA. -Give me an ETA. An hour, tops. Might be sooner. -What if it goes south? What do you mean? -What do you mean? If things get wet, we're going to need someone who can handle that end. -If things get wet, we're going to need someone who can handle that end. You worry about your end. I got my side covered. -I heard he's fucked up. They're taking him to the hospital. Goddamnit, tell me what you know. Did the cops go in? Did Smith have the disks? -Goddamnit, tell me what you know. Did the cops go in? Did Smith have the disks? I don't know. Talley talked those punks into letting Smith out. He's fucking us over, Glen. That guy is fucking us over. -I don't know. Talley talked those punks into letting Smith out. He's fucking us over, Glen. That guy is fucking us over. What hospital? -What hospital? Canyon Country. -How did you get this number? Mr. Jones is dead. So are two of his men. The other three are in jail. I have the disks. I have Walter Smith. And you know what, you motherfucker? I have you. -Mr. Jones is dead. So are two of his men. The other three are in jail. I have the disks. I have Walter Smith. And you know what, you motherfucker? I have you. I have your fucking family. Don't forget that. -I have your fucking family. Don't forget that. I also have a couple of million in cash. Call Sonny Benza. Ask if I can keep it. -What do you want? My wife and my daughter and the money. I'll bring the disks to the mall by the freeway, you bring my family. We'll trade. -My wife and my daughter and the money. I'll bring the disks to the mall by the freeway, you bring my family. We'll trade. Fuck that! You think I'm crazy?! -Fuck that! You think I'm crazy?! I think you got no choice. -Fuck the mall. You know that motel on the road west of town? Yeah. -Yeah. You got ten minutes. If you're one minute late, we won't be here to find. -Take it easy. Just take it easy. We're here to do business. You said they would be here, goddamnit! Where are they? -They're close. Let me make a call. You can see they're okay. You said they would be here! -You get the other one when I have my girls. Not talk to them; have them. Where is it? -Where is it? Close. -All right. Now the second one. First my girls. I get my girls, you get the other disk. -I'll kill you! You won't get the other disk! If you shoot me, he'll kill your daughter. Do you want to lose both of them? -I gave the other one to the Sheriffs and they're giving it to the real FBI. This one's a fake. You'd better be kidding. -I need to work out some stuff. You're hiding, Jeffrey. You're hiding from the job and you're hiding from me. -You're hiding, Jeffrey. You're hiding from the job and you're hiding from me. I still see that boy's eyes. -Can we talk some more when you get here? We'll see you in a couple of hours. -I should've called. This thing broke right after we spoke, then everything happened so fast -- Don't worry about it. How are you doing? -Don't worry about it. How are you doing? The Sheriffs will take over when they get here. -The Sheriffs will take over when they get here. But they're not here yet. Tell me about you. -Why don't you guys grab some dinner at the Thai place? I'll meet you there as soon as I can. You sure? -You sure? I don't know how long I'll be stuck here. -I don't know how long I'll be stuck here. I'm in no rush. Maybe later we can talk. -I'm scared shitless. That's okay. I love you anyway. -Ow! Shit! Be quiet! Listen! -No one's coming. That big asshole nailed my windows. -That big asshole nailed my windows. Mine, too. -Mine, too. We can use the crawlspace to get downstairs. Then we can run for it. -We can use the crawlspace to get downstairs. Then we can run for it. No! I'm not going to leave Daddy with them! -We can't carry him. You go, Thomas. You get out, and I'll stay with Daddy. -You go, Thomas. You get out, and I'll stay with Daddy. I'm not gonna leave you! -I'm not gonna leave you! Go! If you get out, maybe you can help the police! -You leave that gun alone! Shh, they'll hear you! -Shh, they'll hear you! Better than you getting killed! Don't touch that gun! Daddy says -- -He can't reach us in here. We're safe. I know. -Want one? I don't drink beer. -I don't drink beer. Mommy won't know. You can do anything you want right now. Mommy won't know. -Mommy won't know. You can do anything you want right now. Mommy won't know. What I want is to help my father. -What do you want? We can't make the microwave work. -What? We're hungry. You're going to cook. -Make the pizza. I want scrambled eggs and hot dogs on mine. How about dog shit? -Kevin left without you. I don't know what you're talking about. -You'd better get out of here! Kevin's coming back! Kevin's gone, your daddy's gone, everybody's gone. -Now we can do whatever we want. Stop it. -Please get away from me. Mars? What are you doing? -You gotta pee? I don't see why you can't just lock me in. It's not like I can go anywhere. -I don't see why you can't just lock me in. It's not like I can go anywhere. Either I'm going to tie you or Mars will tie you. Which do you want? -Thanks for the shirt. Whatever. -Whatever. Kevin, my father needs a doctor. -Kevin, my father needs a doctor. He's just knocked out. I've been knocked out. -He's just knocked out. I've been knocked out. If my father dies they'll charge you with his murder. Can't you make Dennis see that? -What do you want? Keep your voice down. I'm taking you and your brother out of here. -What happened? Do you want to go or not? I'm offering you a way out of here. -Do you want to go or not? I'm offering you a way out of here. I can't go without Thomas. -I can't go without Thomas. All three of us will go, but we have to move fast. Mars and Dennis don't know I'm doing this. -All three of us will go, but we have to move fast. Mars and Dennis don't know I'm doing this. How can we get out? -How can we get out? Dennis and Mars are in the den. I'll get your brother, then come back for you. We'll go down the stairs and out the front door, you understand? -Dennis and Mars are in the den. I'll get your brother, then come back for you. We'll go down the stairs and out the front door, you understand? Yes. -Are civilians inside? He said something about a girl -- -He said something about a girl -- Holster your guns! -We have to cordon off the streets, then evacuate these houses. What are we going to do about Mike? -What are we going to do about Mike? Keep your head down. -What's going on? Get in the car. Now. -I'm the chief of police here. I have to talk to him. Ain't gonna happen. We've got unequal pupilation. He could have an intracranial hematoma or a fracture or both. -Smith! Wake up! What are you doing?! Stop that! -I'm not going to wake him. I don't even know that I can. Just one question. Please. -Just one question. Please. He. Can't. Answer. -I'm Jeff Talley, the Bristo chief of police. So far as we know, your children are okay. Chief Talley is the one who got you out. -Chief Talley is the one who got you out. I need to talk to him. Alone. -That's enough. Another minute. Please -- -What are you talking about, shot? What happened? Three white males shot Junior. Mike followed them to York Estates -- -Three white males shot Junior. Mike followed them to York Estates -- Where are they? -Where are they? York Estates. Four-five-five Castle Way. Anders and Jorgenson are on the way. -That's not enough. What's that, Chief? Say again. -What's that, Chief? Say again. Get everyone out here. Then call the Sheriffs. Tell them we have a possible hostage situation. -Is something wrong with Jane? We have a boy on the line. He says he's Thomas Smith and he's calling from the house. -We have a boy on the line. He says he's Thomas Smith and he's calling from the house. It's a crank, Louise. C'mon, don't waste my time with that! -It's a crank, Louise. C'mon, don't waste my time with that! His cell number belongs to the Smiths. I think it's real, Chief. I think this boy is inside that house. -One at a time! Clear the air! Louise? Talk to me. What do we have? Junior Kim was DOA at the hospital. -Chief? Mike said a young girl answered the door. Did he say if she was shooting at him? -Did he say if she was shooting at him? He didn't say. -He didn't say. Then we don't know if she's part of this or not. Mickey, you up? -I pulled Mickey and Dreyer off the minimart. Jesus Christ, Louise, we can't leave a crime scene like that. Put a unit out there. -Jesus Christ, Louise, we can't leave a crime scene like that. Put a unit out there. We only have eight officers on duty, Chief. -Louise? Go, Chief. -Go, Chief. Get a phone number for the Smiths. -Louise? Go, Chief. -Go, Chief. Call Jane for me. She's at the little Thai place. -Call Jane for me. She's at the little Thai place. I know the one. -I know the one. Tell her I'm almost home. -Chief, base. Go. -Go. I couldn't find Jane. She wasn't at the restaurant. -I couldn't find Jane. She wasn't at the restaurant. You have her cell number? -You have her cell number? She didn't answer. -She didn't answer. They might be at the house. Keep trying and let me know. I'm going to be here a little while longer. -Did you find Jane and Mandy? Could you call me back on your phone? Right away. -Could you call me back on your phone? Right away. What's wrong with the radio? -What's wrong with the radio? Other people can hear us. Just call. Please. -Other people can hear us. Just call. Please. Stand by. -I'm Talley. Who's in charge? Laura Martin. This is Will Maddox, the primary negotiator -- -Do it. Don't crowd the house. The alpha's a kid named Rooney. He's amped up and volatile. -Sounds like you know the job. I've done it once or twice. I blocked their phones to incoming calls, so you'll have to cut in a hard line to talk to him. -I've done it once or twice. I blocked their phones to incoming calls, so you'll have to cut in a hard line to talk to him. Maddox! You got that? -Then get your men off the wall! You breach that house, we're gonna have a bloodbath! I know this guy, Captain -- I can talk to him. Order your men to stand down. -He says he has gasoline set to burn the place. Jesus. He must've siphoned it from the cars. -Jesus. He must've siphoned it from the cars. If you go in, you can't use tear gas or flashbangs. The whole place would go up. -If you go in, you can't use tear gas or flashbangs. The whole place would go up. Looks like you're bailing out at the right time. -Looks like you're bailing out at the right time. That's why you get the big bucks, Captain. -He says that his father's hurt. If we have a man dying in there, we'll have to go in. -If we have a man dying in there, we'll have to go in. They have security cameras. Rooney would see you coming. -They have security cameras. Rooney would see you coming. Did the boy say that any of them are in immediate danger? -Did the boy say that any of them are in immediate danger? No. He said that his father's unconscious; he didn't say he was dying. -No. He said that his father's unconscious; he didn't say he was dying. Then I think we should wait. Do you agree? -You want me to stick around, I could -- You've been here all day, Chief. Take a break. See your family. If I need you, I'll call. -Excuse me? You requested our help. You turned over command -- And now I'm taking it back. We're getting Smith out of the house. -I want to know what in hell you're doing. I'm looking for you. I need your tactical unit. -I'm looking for you. I need your tactical unit. I'm not stupid! You can't get out of here fast enough, then you take back command; you agree to wait on Smith, then you risk everything in a stupid stunt to get him out -- -I'm not stupid! You can't get out of here fast enough, then you take back command; you agree to wait on Smith, then you risk everything in a stupid stunt to get him out -- Don't question me, Captain! This is my crime scene! -Don't question me, Captain! This is my crime scene! -- then when you get him, you damn near assault the man in the ambulance! What is going on? -Let it go, Captain. Goddamned small town bullshit. -We're out two minutes, me and Dreyer. Mike found a red pickup abandoned on Flanders. You see it? -Mike found a red pickup abandoned on Flanders. You see it? It's right in front of us. -It's right in front of us. Run a DMV on the plate for the owner's name. -Chief, Mikkelson. Go, Mickey. -Go, Mickey. The truck is registered to Dennis James Rooney, white male, twenty-two. He has an Agua Dulce address. -The truck is registered to Dennis James Rooney, white male, twenty-two. He has an Agua Dulce address. Contact the landlord. I want to know employment, friends, family, anything we can find out about this guy. -It's mine. Talley. Chief, it's Mikkelson. -Chief, it's Mikkelson. Go, Mickey. -Mickey? Call the state Homicide Bureau. Don't touch anything, just sit back and wait. Yes, sir. -Okay, here's mine. My name is Special Agent Jones. Are all of you named Jones? -Are all of you named Jones? Don't be funny, Chief. You can't afford it. -In a few minutes the white phone is going to ring. So let's get our shit straight before that happens. You used to be a cop. All of you used to be cops. I can tell by the way you move. -You used to be a cop. All of you used to be cops. I can tell by the way you move. Don't worry about what we used to be. -Don't worry about what we used to be. How do you people expect this to work? The Sheriffs have a Crisis Response Team here. -How do you people expect this to work? The Sheriffs have a Crisis Response Team here. What's my name? -What's my name? What? -What? I asked you my name. You just saw my commission slip. What's my fucking name? -I asked you my name. You just saw my commission slip. What's my fucking name? Special Agent Jones. -Special Agent Jones. Think of me that way and you won't fuck up. I'll handle the Sheriffs. -What are you people going to do? You and I are gonna straighten this out with the Sheriffs, and then we'll wait for the man to call. When he gives the word, we move. -You and I are gonna straighten this out with the Sheriffs, and then we'll wait for the man to call. When he gives the word, we move. What does he have on you? I know why I'm doing this, but what does he have on you? -We've got to get those kids out of there! Not until the man calls. -Not until the man calls. Those kids are in there with a fucking psychopath! He kills people! -Those kids are in there with a fucking psychopath! He kills people! They've been in there all day. -The kids are in here! Where's the office? -Where's the office? Help me, goddamnit, we can get the disks later! -This is Chief Talley. Tell me your name, son. Thomas Smith. I'm in the house that's on TV. Dennis hit my dad and now he won't wake up. You gotta help him. -Slow down, Thomas. Take it easy and talk to me. Was your father shot? Dennis hit him. His head's all big and he won't wake up. I'm really scared. -Dennis hit him. His head's all big and he won't wake up. I'm really scared. How about you and your sister? -How about you and your sister? We're okay. -We're okay. Where are you right now? -Where are you right now? In my room. -That's on the second floor. Could you climb out your window if we were downstairs to catch you? They nailed the windows. I can't get'm open. -I've got the boy on the phone. He's using a cell phone. What was that, son? I didn't hear you. If I try to climb out they'll see me on the security cameras. They would see you outside, too -- -Is my daddy okay? The doctors are taking care of him right now. Thomas . . . are you safe? Can you talk? -The doctors are taking care of him right now. Thomas . . . are you safe? Can you talk? I think so. -I think so. I need your help with something. But if you think those guys could catch you, then I don't want you to do it, okay? -I need your help with something. But if you think those guys could catch you, then I don't want you to do it, okay? Okay. -Okay. I'm serious, Thomas; I don't want you to get hurt. -I'm serious, Thomas; I don't want you to get hurt. What do you want me to do? -What do you want me to do? Your dad has two computer disks. They have funny names: Marlon and Al. -Your dad has two computer disks. They have funny names: Marlon and Al. He has lots of disks. -He has lots of disks. I think he was working on them today, so they're probably in his office. Could you find them and see who they belong to? -I think he was working on them today, so they're probably in his office. Could you find them and see who they belong to? Dennis won't let me go to the desk. He makes me sit on the floor. -But I might be able to sneak into the office if they're not around. Then I could open the disks here in my room. I thought they locked you in your room. -I thought they locked you in your room. I can get into the crawlspace from my closet and climb all over the house. -I can get into the crawlspace from my closet and climb all over the house. Can you get into the office? -Can you get into the office? I can get into the den. The office is right across the hall. -If I get Rooney into the back of the house, can you find the disks without being caught? Yes, sir. -Can you open them? I opened Marlon. I think it's somebody's taxes. -I opened Marlon. I think it's somebody's taxes. Look for names. Does it say whose taxes they are? -I don't see any people names. It's all businesses. Try Al. See if you can open Al. -Yeah! Here's a name. This is somebody's personal tax -- Who is it? -Who is it? Charles G. Benza. They're coming! -Are the disks still in your room? No! They're right here -- -Where are my children? They're still in the house. -I don't know what you're talking about. He's going to kill you. Don't you know that? He can't take the chance that you'll talk. -Did you find the disks? Yes. -Yes. Then you have everything. You can put them away. -Then you have everything. You can put them away. A man has my family. Gold watch here. Dark tan. -A man has my family. Gold watch here. Dark tan. That would be Glen Howell. He was on his way for the disks. -That would be Glen Howell. He was on his way for the disks. How do I reach him? -Where's your gun? I'm the Chief. I don't carry it. -Who are you? Follow the Mustang. We won't go far. -Don't just fuckin' sit there, dumbass. Do you understand? What do you want? -What do you want? These guys are going to take hold of you. Don't freak out. It's for your own good. -Can we let go? You past your shock and all that, we can turn you loose and you won't do something stupid? You can let go. -Marlon and Al.... We want them. You will not let anyone go into that house--or anything come out-- until my people recover these disks. -We want them. You will not let anyone go into that house--or anything come out-- until my people recover these disks. I can't control what happens. The Sheriffs are running the scene. -I can't control what happens. The Sheriffs are running the scene. You will re-assume command. In two hours, a group of my people will arrive at York Estates. You will tell the Sheriffs that they are an FBI tactical team. -When this phone rings, you answer. It will be me. I'll tell you what to do. When I have what I want, you get your family. You want . . . Marlon and Al. -You want . . . Marlon and Al. I have people in York Estates right under your nose. If you do anything except what I'm telling you, you'll get Jane and Amanda back in the mail. We clear on that? -I have people in York Estates right under your nose. If you do anything except what I'm telling you, you'll get Jane and Amanda back in the mail. We clear on that? These disks . . . where are they? -These disks . . . where are they? Smith will know. -You dumb fuckwad cop, you fucked up bad! Do you think I'm going to let you murder someone?! -Do you think I'm going to let you murder someone?! You want a blowtorch on your daughter's pretty face?! -You want a blowtorch on your daughter's pretty face?! I'll go in that fuckin' house right now! I'll give those disks to the real FBI, you COCKSUCKINGMOTHERFUCKER!! And I've got Smith! I've got Smith!! -I guess we each have something the other wants. I guess we do. -I guess we do. My people are good to go. You know who I mean? -My people are good to go. You know who I mean? Your phony FBI assholes. -Your phony FBI assholes. We're almost home, you and me. Keep your shit together. This isn't L.A. -We're almost home, you and me. Keep your shit together. This isn't L.A. What do you mean by that? -What do you mean by that? You don't want another dead child on your conscience. -Paul, Paul, a moment please. Yes, Benedict, what can I do? -Yes, Benedict, what can I do? Can you get me into the Ambassador's reception? -Can you get me into the Ambassador's reception? I'm sorry, it's a private function. -What happened? They're killing everyone. The Lady Minister! The UN soldiers. They're at the gate. -Paul, we would like to speak to you in your office. We, who is we? -We, who is we? A delegation. -Paul! Gregoire will deal with it, excuse me. -Gregoire, there are no cockroaches in this hotel, do you understand? Cockroaches? -No, Bik, it's a code word for Tutsis. That's what I came to talk to you about. -That's what I came to talk to you about. Excuse me? -Excuse me? The Hutu-Tutsi thing. The BBC faxed to say they would be here on the sixth for the peace accords. And the U.N. wants the banquet room for that day, a reception to broadcast the signing ceremony. Can you organize monitors and check the satellite dish? -The Hutu-Tutsi thing. The BBC faxed to say they would be here on the sixth for the peace accords. And the U.N. wants the banquet room for that day, a reception to broadcast the signing ceremony. Can you organize monitors and check the satellite dish? Leave it to me. -Also, could you remember to use the service entrance at all times? Of course. -Paul... ...I have to talk to you. I'll be back. -Who are you? I am Paul Rusesabagina, a good friend of General Bizimungu. -I am Paul Rusesabagina, a good friend of General Bizimungu. We are looking for you. -What is this about? Let me see your identity card. -You heard the Tutsi cockroaches murdered our president. Yes, it is a calamity for us all. -Yes, it is a calamity for us all. You work at the Hotel Diplomat? -You work at the Hotel Diplomat? No. I work at the Mille Collines. -I used to work at the Diplomat. Do you know how to open the safe there? Our government needs to use the hotel and the room keys are in the safe. You must open it. -Do you know how to open the safe there? Our government needs to use the hotel and the room keys are in the safe. You must open it. Of course. -Captain, I must take my family. It is not safe here. Where is your family? -They are all Tutsi cockroaches. Let me explain. -Please, I don't use guns. There is nothing to it. -You want to pay me? Why not? These are not rebels, look at them. Soon they will be worthless to you. Why not take some money, for your work? -Why not? These are not rebels, look at them. Soon they will be worthless to you. Why not take some money, for your work? How much? -How much? Name a price. -Name a price. Ten thousand francs for each one. -Ten thousand francs for each one. I don't have that much. -Here, here, a thousand US dollars - fifty thousand francs for my family. To let us drive off to the Mille Collines. How many in your family? -How many in your family? Six. -Ten. And four children? -And four children? I'll give you a hundred thousand francs for all of them. -Give me it. I don't have it here. At the Mille Collines. I can get it for you. -I don't have it here. At the Mille Collines. I can get it for you. You will run into the hotel and hide behind the U.N. -You will run into the hotel and hide behind the U.N. I swear, Captain, one hundred thousand francs, enough for a house. I will get the money, you keep them outside. -Don't be foolish. There's more money to be made here. You want to buy anymore cockroaches ask for Captain Naramunju. -Do we know who fired the missile that killed the president? No. But I fear it's intention may have been to kill the peace accords and spark a civil war between the Hutu Militia and the Tutsi rebels. -No. But I fear it's intention may have been to kill the peace accords and spark a civil war between the Hutu Militia and the Tutsi rebels. We've heard reports of reprisal killings. Will the UN intervene to stop the bloodshed.? -We've heard reports of reprisal killings. Will the UN intervene to stop the bloodshed.? Unfortunately we're here as peace-keepers not peace makers, we can't take an aggressive role. -Unfortunately we're here as peace-keepers not peace makers, we can't take an aggressive role. If the UN changes your mandate could you stop the bloodshed? -If the UN changes your mandate could you stop the bloodshed? Yes. With some re-inforcements I'm confident we could impose order. -Yes. With some re-inforcements I'm confident we could impose order. Have you requested re-enforcements? -Have you requested re-enforcements? Yes we have. -Yes we have. What was the response? -What was the response? We're awaiting a decision, excuse me. -Paul, you know who this is? Yes, Colonel Monsieur Xavier, the Minister of Finance. -Yes, Colonel Monsieur Xavier, the Minister of Finance. Get him a room, but tell no one he is here. Paul will look after you. -Paul, I've sent my soldiers to rescue the Lady Prime Minister, she'll need a room. Yes sir, but these people they cannot stay here. I've heard you have a refugee center at the airport Stadium? -Yes sir, but these people they cannot stay here. I've heard you have a refugee center at the airport Stadium? I'm sorry, I can't possibly take them Paul. I'm overrun with refugees. As soon as we can stabilize the situation we'll take them. -Hold the line here. Do not shoot! The Colonel stabilizes the situation, his men watch the militia drive by. Paul approaches Oliver What's happening? -What's happening? They murdered my soldiers. Ten Belgians who I sent to get the lady minister. -They murdered my soldiers. Ten Belgians who I sent to get the lady minister. Where is she? -Anything. Strong. Canadian Club? -Congratulations, Colonel. You have saved us all. Congratulations. You should spit in my face. -Congratulations. You should spit in my face. Excuse me, Colonel. -Excuse me, Colonel. We think you are dirt, less than dirt, worthless. -We think you are dirt, less than dirt, worthless. I don't understand. -I don't understand. Don't bullshit me, Paul. You're the smartest man here. You have them all eating out of your hand. You'd own this fucking hotel, except for one thing. -You're fucking black! You're not even a nigger, you're African! They're not staying to stop this thing. They're gonna fly right out of here with their people. Their people? -Their people? They're only taking the whites. -They fired a rocket at us. Yes. Where are the Rwandan police? -Yes. Where are the Rwandan police? I ran out of bribes. Bizimungu took them away. -I ran out of bribes. Bizimungu took them away. That explains it. I'm sorry to tell you this but we've heard rumors the Militia are getting ready to storm the hotel. -That explains it. I'm sorry to tell you this but we've heard rumors the Militia are getting ready to storm the hotel. Will you protect us. -Will you protect us. I can't, I don't have the men. -What is it? The rebels have fought their way into the city. They have many Hutu prisoners. -Paul, I need you to buy me a day or two. I don't have the fuel for this convoy. I will have to scrounge it. I can't. I have nothing left to bribe with. Can your men at the gate hold out for another day? -I can't. I have nothing left to bribe with. Can your men at the gate hold out for another day? No, Paul, they're afraid. They've demanded to be moved back to headquarters now. -No, Paul, they're afraid. They've demanded to be moved back to headquarters now. Give me their uniforms. I will put people at the gate, in disguise. -Give me their uniforms. I will put people at the gate, in disguise. I wish I could, Paul. Try to hold out. -Paul, this scotch is exceptional. It's a single malt, Glenmorangie. I thought you'd like it. Anything you need, gentlemen, let me know. -It's a single malt, Glenmorangie. I thought you'd like it. Anything you need, gentlemen, let me know. Oh, Paul, talk to the coat check, please. -I'm sorry it is not Glenmorangie. As long as it is scotch. Your white friends have abandoned you, Paul. -As long as it is scotch. Your white friends have abandoned you, Paul. The United Nations are still here. -The United Nations are still here. The United Nations. Madmen are on the streets, Paul. But I will take care of you. Your cellar is well-stocked, right? -The United Nations. Madmen are on the streets, Paul. But I will take care of you. Your cellar is well-stocked, right? Yes, General. I am glad you came by. I overheard something that I think you should know about. -Yes, General. I am glad you came by. I overheard something that I think you should know about. What did you overhear? -What did you overhear? A discussion between an American Embassy official and a UN Colonel. -A discussion between an American Embassy official and a UN Colonel. What did they say? -What did they say? The American assured the colonel that they would watch everything. -The American assured the colonel that they would watch everything. Watch everything? How? They are gone. -Satellites. Satellites? -Satellites? Yes, they can photograph the epaulets on your shoulder. -Yes, they can photograph the epaulets on your shoulder. And what will they do with these satellites? -And what will they do with these satellites? The American said intervention is too costly, better to get photographic evidence and snatch up the high command. -The American said intervention is too costly, better to get photographic evidence and snatch up the high command. The high command? Our high command? -The high command? Our high command? 'Snatch them up and put on a war crimes trial. Lock them all away forever. No political risk, and big publicity.' That's what he said. I thought I'd better tell you. -The Americans! Who are they to put us on trial. Let us imagine Paul when their president Kennedy was shot, they said it was a black man. Then their politicians, their radio stations gave orders ‘we must wipe out these black people before they wipe out us.’ What do you think would have happened? No different. Indeed, general. Excuse me momentarily. -I am worried about thieves and criminals coming into the hotel. Perhaps you could arrange for some police to guard us. The police are very busy. -The police are very busy. I understand General, but when I last talked to the president of Sabena he promised me that anyone who helped protect Belgian property would be rewarded. -He did. “Well rewarded” Those were his words. -“Well rewarded” Those were his words. If I were to spare a few policemen, where would I station them? -If I were to spare a few policemen, where would I station them? The front gate would be best, General. -I will see what I can do. I admire you, General. How do you keep command of your men amidst such madness? -I admire you, General. How do you keep command of your men amidst such madness? I am strong, Paul, like a lion. -I am strong, Paul, like a lion. I wish I were like you. Look at my staff, they won't work, they listen to no one. -Please, General, I will give you money, whiskey. You said you had no whiskey. -You said you had no whiskey. Please, I have money. They're driving into an ambush, it's on the radio. -Where are my supplies? I'm sorry, General. The cellar is empty. -I'm sorry, General. The cellar is empty. You have cockroaches dancing on tables and you tell me the cellar is empty? Did they drink my whiskey? -You have cockroaches dancing on tables and you tell me the cellar is empty? Did they drink my whiskey? No. We have no way of finding other stock but I have money for you from the guests. -General, sir. I am glad to find you. I have found you some supplies. Whiskey? -Whiskey? The finest, and cognac, champagne. Come and I will get them for you. -The finest, and cognac, champagne. Come and I will get them for you. I'll be over. -I'll be over. Bring back your policemen... -We must go to the Diplomat. Get in. -Get in. Your police are at the gate? -Your police are at the gate? After the Diplomat! Paul clambers in the back. -Where are they going? They can go where they want. They are in charge now. -They can go where they want. They are in charge now. What do you mean, General? -What do you mean, General? We have decided to move the government to Gitarama. -We have decided to move the government to Gitarama. When? -When? Today. -You know what the Scottish call it? No. -No. Ishca Baha - the water of life. I went on a tour once of the finest single malt distillery in the world. Have you ever been to Scotland? -Ishca Baha - the water of life. I went on a tour once of the finest single malt distillery in the world. Have you ever been to Scotland? No, sir. -No, sir. Wonderful country, wonderful golf. I wonder - will I ever go back? What do you think? -Wonderful country, wonderful golf. I wonder - will I ever go back? What do you think? I hope we all get to do many things. Can we go now? -Pack those carefully, put them in my jeep, and guard them. Please, General, call and put your policemen back at the gate. -I am going to do you a great favor. I am going to take you with us to Gitarama. I do not want to go to Gitarama, General. -I do not want to go to Gitarama, General. You cannot go back to the hotel. The crazy men are going there now. Better to come with me. -We are better here. Listen, you need me. -You are a marked man. How so. -How so. The Americans, and the UN they have you as a war criminal. You are on a list. -The Americans, and the UN they have you as a war criminal. You are on a list. I am on a list! What list? -I am on a list! What list? When the Europeans left, their soldiers gathered lists. -You lie. If you do not help me, you will stay on that list. -If you do not help me, you will stay on that list. I committed no war crimes. -I committed no war crimes. Who will tell them? You need me to tell how you helped the hotel. The others who have gone, they blame you for all their misfortune. They say you led the massacres. -Who will tell them? You need me to tell how you helped the hotel. The others who have gone, they blame you for all their misfortune. They say you led the massacres. I led no massacres. -I led no massacres. You think they will believe you? -You think they will believe you? You will tell them the truth. -You will tell them the truth. I will do nothing unless you help me now. -I will try my best George but these days I have no time for rallies or politics. Politics is power, Paul. And money. -Time is money, George. We need extra beer today. Business is good at the hotel? -Business is good at the hotel? Very good. -Very good. I am always glad to see you Paul. -A bargain buy, from China. Ten cents each, I'll get a dollar. At least. -Everything is double the price now, you do understand that? I need rice, beans, beer, and your best whiskey. -I need rice, beans, beer, and your best whiskey. Beer yes, but no whiskey. -Beer yes, but no whiskey. You have no whiskey? -You have no whiskey? No whiskey, no spirits. Your rich cockroaches at the hotel, they will have to do without their scotch. Anyway, I have bled that cow enough Paul. -What do you mean George? Their money is no good to them. Soon all the Ineysi will be dead. -Their money is no good to them. Soon all the Ineysi will be dead. ) You cannot kill them all. -) You cannot kill them all. Why not? We are half way there already. -Let's go. Take the river road back. It is clear. -For fuck's sake, Gloria There's a big news story out there! We need to get out and cover it. We’re not going outside the hotel grounds unless we have an armored car. That's the ground rules. -We’re not going outside the hotel grounds unless we have an armored car. That's the ground rules. Ground rules! Where the fuck do you think you are, Wimbledon? -Ground rules! Where the fuck do you think you are, Wimbledon? We cover the story from here until we can get proper protection. -Satellite feed. Great. No kidding, When will they be here? Excellent. Yes, call then. -Holy shit! Holy shit. What is it? -You fucking see that! Oh my God! -Here, have a sandwich. Fuck you. -Let’s go, Jock. Go! What the fuck sort of journalists are we, running from a war? I'm ashamed. Are you? Well, are ya'? -Go! What the fuck sort of journalists are we, running from a war? I'm ashamed. Are you? Well, are ya'? You’re drunk. -Great, I really need a shower. Just give me a moment to get your keys. -The fifth room is your broadcast room. Good. I'd like to book a massage. -Good. I'd like to book a massage. Of course. -The news room has heard that the French and the Belgians are putting together an intervention force. When will they be here? -When will they be here? Very soon. -Very soon. Thank God. -There are no more rooms. Give me the phone. -Mr. Manager. Gregoire, what are you doing here? -Get out of this room and get back to work. I don't have to listen to you anymore. -I don't have to listen to you anymore. I am in charge now. Get back to work or I'll fire you. -I am in charge now. Get back to work or I'll fire you. Let me ask you Mr. Manager, do you notice a smell of cockroaches? If I were to leave this room, I'm sure I could find this smell. I know people who could cleanse it. But maybe it doesn't bother you? Why is that? Are used to this smell? Not me, I need a clean room to escape it. -Gregoire it is good to see you back to work. Please, except my humblest apologies... -Please, except my humblest apologies... Don't worry. I have a job this morning. I must go to visit my good friend George Rutagunda. You know George? -Where are we going, sir? For supplies, you drive. -For supplies, you drive. The fog is too heavy, sir. -The fog is too heavy, sir. Just drive, Gregoire. -Are you sure this is the river road? I saw the sign. -Paul, how the hell are ya'? I am delighted to see you, Mr. Daglish. -I am delighted to see you, Mr. Daglish. They moved you from the Diplomat? -They moved you from the Diplomat? Promoted. House Manager. -Promoted. House Manager. Good for you. We're having a little trouble, Paul. We booked five rooms, but... -Did you bring any of those wee girls who used to sit at the bar in the Diplomat with you? You know? I'm sorry, Mr. Daglish, this is the Mille Collines. No working girls here. -I'm sorry, Mr. Daglish, this is the Mille Collines. No working girls here. Can we phone them in, Paul? -Can we phone them in, Paul? I'm afraid I can't do that, Mr. Daglish. -Perfect timing. This goes out live? -Give her what she wants, room, food, anything. Charge it all. Don't you put her out, Paul. I would never do that. -I would never do that. I know that, Paul. I'm sorry. -This is a Rolex, I can't take it. Take it for Christ sake. I wish it was a fucking aeroplane. -You are the manager? Yes, sir. What is wrong? -Yes, sir. What is wrong? Everyone must leave the hotel now. -Everyone must leave the hotel now. Why sir? -Why sir? It's an order. Get everyone out now. -It's an order. Get everyone out now. I...ah...need some time. Please give us twenty, thirty minutes. People are sleeping. -Anderson, Arthurs, Boulier. What is this? The guest list. It hasn't been updated since the murder of the president. -Are you trying to make a fool of me? There are no Europeans left in that hotel. Get me the names of all the cockroaches in there. That will take time. -That will take time. You don't have time. If I do not have the names, so that I can pick out the traitors, then I will kill everyone here in this car park. Get in there now. -Who did you call? Call, sir? -Call, sir? Don't lie to me. What's your name? -Don't lie to me. What's your name? Rusesabagina. Paul Rusesabagina. -Rusesabagina. Paul Rusesabagina. I will remember that name. Let's go. -What do you want? We are to meet Mr. Rutagunda. -We are to meet Mr. Rutagunda. The commander is not here. -The commander is not here. He will be here. -He will be here. Show me your ID -Excuse me. What? -What? Our cards, please. -Our cards, please. What cards? -What cards? You have our cards. -You have our cards. No. But I make cards. Would you like me to make you two cards? -No. But I make cards. Would you like me to make you two cards? How much? -How much? One thousand francs. -Show us the manager. He wears a suit. They have him in the lobby, go quickly. -Terrible times, Paul. There are bodies everywhere. I cannot stay here. I need a great favor. -I need you to go to this address and bring my brother-in-law and his family. No, no. This is a very dangerous part of town. I cannot do this. -No, no. This is a very dangerous part of town. I cannot do this. This would be an enormous favor to me. I am a man of means, Mr. Garandi. When this nonsense is over I will be most grateful. -This would be an enormous favor to me. I am a man of means, Mr. Garandi. When this nonsense is over I will be most grateful. I will see what I can do. -Was there blood? No blood. As I left a neighbor, an old woman, waved to me. I went to her house. She has the little girls. They are safe. -It is dangerous to be here. The radio says this is a nest of cockroaches. I need one last favor. Go back and get the twins. -I need one last favor. Go back and get the twins. No, it is impossible. That side of town has been destroyed in the fighting. The children are dead. -No, it is impossible. That side of town has been destroyed in the fighting. The children are dead. How do you know? -How do you know? Everyone is dead there. The dogs eat the bodies in the street. I have to go. -Everyone is dead there. The dogs eat the bodies in the street. I have to go. I will give you my house. -I will need a suite. Of course. -I'm afraid you will have to move room. Move? Where to? -Move? Where to? I'm going to put you on the third floor. -I'm going to put you on the third floor. The third floor are low class rooms. -The third floor are low class rooms. Yes they are. However if the army return they will expect important people such as yourself to be in these grand rooms. -Yes they are. However if the army return they will expect important people such as yourself to be in these grand rooms. Pack the bags, we have to move. -Pack the bags, we have to move. Also, this is your bill for the last week. -This time the Militia will kill us. They will surely kill us here. It's over here. We have to take the chance. -They should go one truck at a time. When the first truck gets through to the airport, then the others will follow. We can't wait. We all go together or not at all. -Good evening, Odette, who is sick this time? I asked Odette to take a look at little Anais. She has a rash. -I asked Odette to take a look at little Anais. She has a rash. Your brother's here? -Your brother's here? Yes, with Fedens and the children. -Thomas wants advice? He wants your wisdom. -He wants your wisdom. Let's have dinner first. -Let's have dinner first. Of course. -Simon, next door, the Charingas' boy. Homework? -Do something. What? -What? Call your friends in the army. Call someone. Victor is harmless. This is a mistake. -Call your friends in the army. Call someone. Victor is harmless. This is a mistake. Please, be quiet. -No. We must do something. -Why didn't you call your contacts in the army? I couldn't help. -I couldn't help. You could have asked for a favor. -You could have asked for a favor. No, I could not. What do you know about favors Tatiana, about barter and deals? -Victor was not a stranger, he was our neighbor. He was not family. Family is all that matters. Do you think if you or I were being dragged from here, any one of them would lift a finger to help us? -He was not family. Family is all that matters. Do you think if you or I were being dragged from here, any one of them would lift a finger to help us? They do not have your connections. -They do not have your connections. "Connections? I have no connections, only favors. If I call to help Victor, a General will think ""Paul Rusesabagina is a fool. He thinks my favors are so numerous and so insignificant as to waste them on everybody."" Then my hard work is doubly squandered. I insult the General and I do not get to use my favor at all. Please leave these things to my good judgment." -Paul! Paul's eyes adjust, he recognizes many of his neighbors, all crowded into this small room. Then he sees their friends Odette and her husband Jean Baptiste. Jean Baptiste! -The president has been murdered. Murdered! By whom? -Where are Thomas and Fedens? I sent them home. Go and call them. -I sent them home. Go and call them. I tried already. The phones do not work. -Is every Tutsi in the neighborhood here? They came through the bushes, over the wall. What could I do? -They came through the bushes, over the wall. What could I do? Send them home. We are not the police. What do we have to protect them? -Send them home. We are not the police. What do we have to protect them? Please. Let them stay 'til morning. The militia will not come here, they know you are a Hutu with influence. -Please. Let them stay 'til morning. The militia will not come here, they know you are a Hutu with influence. They know you are Tutsi! -Please, Paul, 'til first light. Dawn. Then they go. -Oh, my God! Where are you hurt, son? -What is it, Paul. Stay with the children. -Paul, don't let them die. Get in. -Them. They almost got us all killed. I have done enough for them! We cannot look after them anymore. What are you going to do? You cannot drive them out onto the road. They can stay with me. -What are you going to do? You cannot drive them out onto the road. They can stay with me. What! -What! I will not have them on my conscience. They will stay in my room. -I will not have them on my conscience. They will stay in my room. Zozo, get a key for two staff bedrooms. Put these people in them. -This won't do. It will do just fine. -Any luck? No answer. Please send someone to get them, please. -No answer. Please send someone to get them, please. I'll try. -Has Roger spoken yet? No, Odette says he's in shock. -No, Odette says he's in shock. How can we help him. -How can we help him. He needs to be in a safe place. Have you heard from Mr. Garindi? -He needs to be in a safe place. Have you heard from Mr. Garindi? Give him time. -This is not bad news, Tatsi. Perhaps they fled or could not make it home. There is hope. Please go back, bring the children to us. -My sister is dead, Paul. They would not leave the children. No. They are not dead. Stop this. -They are being evacuated. What about us? -What about us? We have been abandoned. -Listen to me woman. I said all the whites are leaving. The French, the Italians, even the Belgian UN soldiers. But who is left? -But who is left? I don't know. Colonel Oliver says the UN has three hundred soldiers for the whole country. Black soldiers, Pakistanis. -You could leave, Paul. What are you saying, Tatsi? -What are you saying, Tatsi? Your card says Hutu. Take our children, go and get the twins, pay money at the roadblocks. Get them out. Please. -Your card says Hutu. Take our children, go and get the twins, pay money at the roadblocks. Get them out. Please. Enough of this. We stay together. Let me rest, I will feel better then. -Go to the roof now. What for Paul. -What for Paul. Do as I say. I will be there soon. -Lynch Bages, 84. Perfect with lamb, or fine rare beef. So where is the lamb? -So where is the lamb? Maybe Gregoire and the witch ate it. -What's the matter? We're running out of beer and other supplies. -I have to go out to get food. Go out! Where? -Go out! Where? To Rutagunda's place. It is close by. -To Rutagunda's place. It is close by. No, no. -No, no. I have to, Tatiana, we are only as valuable as the service we provide. -I have to, Tatiana, we are only as valuable as the service we provide. You cannot go alone. -You cannot go alone. I'm not going alone. I'll take Gregoire with me. He's a good Hutu, and he wants to impress me now. -Please, Paul, why do we have to go to the roof? It's alright. This is the only place I can find some peace. -I hear we must pay for everything. How much for this? A kiss. -I have a confession. When we met... In Ruhengeri? -In Ruhengeri? Yes, when you worked as the nurse. -Yes, when you worked as the nurse. Yes. -Yes. I had you transferred to Kigali. -I had you transferred to Kigali. What? -What? I bribed the Minister of Health to have you transferred to Kigali. -I bribed the Minister of Health to have you transferred to Kigali. Why? -Why? To be closer. So that I could marry you. -To be closer. So that I could marry you. What was the bribe? What am I worth to you? -What was the bribe? What am I worth to you? It was substantial. -It was substantial. Tell me what it was. -Tell me what it was. A car. -A car. What sort of car? -What sort of car? What does it matter. -What does it matter. I want to know. -I want to know. A Volkswagen. -A Volkswagen. A Volkswagen! -I will not leave without the twins. We have to get out of here Tatiana. -We have to get out of here Tatiana. Please, please try one more time. -Please, please try one more time. I'll try but we have to leave, with or without them. I want you to promise. -A little longer, Paul? We wait until 7:00. If he is not here with the twins he is not coming. We leave. That was your promise. Go help the children. -Ask them to wait a little longer. For the twins. Get on the truck, Tatiana. -Get on the truck, Tatiana. No. -I have to stay. No! Sit down now. -No! Sit down now. I cannot leave these people. I will wait for the twins. -Let me go. Children get off. I will follow on the next plane. Go. -I love you. Keep the children safe. Paul! Then another voice. -We are almost out of water. We are almost out of everything. -We have to have a plan. What sort of plan? -What sort of plan? Our children cannot see us die first. If the Militia comes, you must hurry up to the roof. I will meet you there. -Our children cannot see us die first. If the Militia comes, you must hurry up to the roof. I will meet you there. Please do not talk like this. -Please do not talk like this. We have to. If I do not come, you must take them all by the hands and jump. -The Diplomat! Tatiana wakens, startled. What's wrong? -What's wrong? I have to go to the Diplomat. -Oh, my babies. Anais, it is so good to see you. -Can I have your name again? Paul Rusesabagina, Mr. Godefroid. The house manager. I met you on your last visit. -Paul Rusesabagina, Mr. Godefroid. The house manager. I met you on your last visit. Yes, Paul, I remember. The Mille Collines is a very important property for Sabena. Our directors believe we should close down, shutter the place until this unrest is over? -Very well. But if this thing gets worse, we must close. If there's anything you need, call anytime. There is one thing I need right away. -I managed to get the President of France on the phone. Thank you, sir, you saved our lives. -Thank you, sir, you saved our lives. Paul, I pleaded with the president to go in and get you all. He told me it will not happen. -Paul, I pleaded with the president to go in and get you all. He told me it will not happen. Why? -Why? I can give you many political answers Paul but the truth is that Africa is not worth a single vote to all of them: French, British, Americans. -Rutaganda's place? What's wrong? -What's wrong? Beg your pardon sir, you are Hutu. You are safe there. -Beg your pardon sir, you are Hutu. You are safe there. You are with me, Zozo, don't worry. -What is it like to fly on a plane, sir? It depends where you sit Zozo. In coach it is like the bus to Giterama. -It depends where you sit Zozo. In coach it is like the bus to Giterama. That is why they call it coach? -That is why they call it coach? Maybe. But in business class there are fine wines, linens, Belgian chocolates. -Maybe. But in business class there are fine wines, linens, Belgian chocolates. You have taken business class? -You have taken business class? Many times. -Sit up, smile, Zozo, don't attract attention to yourself. Boss, some of those men are my neighbors, they know I'm Tutsi. -Twelve are dead. How dead? -Where are the receptionists? Where's Gregoire? He has taken the presidential suite. -He has taken the presidential suite. What! Paul storms off. -Where's housekeeping? They won't pick up. Sir, no one wants to work. They say the boss has left. -What do we do with all these people? Open up the ballroom, we'll put them there. And Zozo tell the kitchen to make rice and beans - a lot of it. -What are you doing? The lieutenant wants the register. -Where has all our beer gone? Sir, Gregoire has been taking beers. -Sir, Gregoire has been taking beers. How much beer? -How much beer? Many beers. -You are my family now, Zozo, my brother. I will get you out of here. Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir. Let us remember this night and tell the world that even in hell there are good people. -I saw Gregoire make a call, sir? When? -When? As the trucks go. -What is this about no water? It's true, sir, the water has been turned off. -Paul. Are you alright? We have a big problem. The Hutu army have come and ordered us all of us out of the hotel. -Out? Where are you going? I do not know, sir. I think they will kill us all. -All. What do you mean all? The staff, the guests. -The staff, the guests. The staff and guests! How many? -The staff and guests! How many? Now we have eight hundred guests and one hundred staff. I have ten minutes left. -Paul, are you there? Yes, thank you Mr. President. -Yes, thank you Mr. President. Paul, if you have one call in all the world to stop this, who would you call? -The French. They supply the Rwandan army. Paul, do everything you can to buy time. I will call you back. -For food and clothes, and all that grows, etc, etc. Dear Lord, thank you. Thank you, Roger. -Why the hurry, Roger? Simon has a new pet. Can I go see it? -Simon has a new pet. Can I go see it? No, I don't want you going on the street. -No, I don't want you going on the street. Please, papa, I have a secret path. -Please, papa, I have a secret path. Who is this Simon? -There are soldiers. Where? -Where? On the street. -Moses, Moses Seradungu. Can I help you? -Can I help you? I'm looking for Moses Seradungu's room. -I'm looking for Moses Seradungu's room. What is his room number? -What is his room number? I don't know. -I don't know. Go downstairs, I will help you. -Take a bow, Steven, you've outdone yourself tonight -- scared holy hell out of even me. If that's the fact, Price, okay, you've had your fun -- now open the goddamn -- -"We'd've been splitsville years ago, with me the richest single woman in recorded history -- but Steven doesn't ""believe"" in divorce." Not too big on it myself -- but then again, not on marriage either. -Not too big on it myself -- but then again, not on marriage either. Oh, he's got no problem with that: I'm his fourth. -Oh, he's got no problem with that: I'm his fourth. I'm confused. -I'm confused. No need for divorce and that messy division-of-assets thing when they kick before you do. -Easy. You've got to keep still for a bit, the last thing we need is a coronary. You're the Doctor, sweetheart. 'Guess the atropine worked, then. -You're the Doctor, sweetheart. 'Guess the atropine worked, then. Convinced all those that needed convincing: you're an official dead lady. -Convinced all those that needed convincing: you're an official dead lady. And what's Steven's status? -And what's Steven's status? Still alive, but it's just a matter of time. And then will come your miraculous resurrection -- -Still alive, but it's just a matter of time. And then will come your miraculous resurrection -- "-- ""oh, no, Officer, I'm very much alive -- just a joke to beat my husband at his own clever game -- What? What do you mean he's dead? It's all my fault, I may as well have killed him myself!""" -"-- ""oh, no, Officer, I'm very much alive -- just a joke to beat my husband at his own clever game -- What? What do you mean he's dead? It's all my fault, I may as well have killed him myself!""" """But you didn't, Ma'am. We have all these witnesses that saw..."" well, whoever it ends up being that finally shoots him --" -"""But you didn't, Ma'am. We have all these witnesses that saw..."" well, whoever it ends up being that finally shoots him --" -- the James Dean wannabe with the hair trigger -- --- the James Dean wannabe with the hair trigger -- "-- or might turn out to be -- very big surprise -- that Jenzen girl. The little bitch has the right stuff. She nearly put a bullet in Price right after your ""demise.""" -"-- or might turn out to be -- very big surprise -- that Jenzen girl. The little bitch has the right stuff. She nearly put a bullet in Price right after your ""demise.""" So what stopped her? -So what stopped her? It's complicated. But don't worry -- -It's complicated. But don't worry -- -- there's already been way too many complications for a very simple plan. You ever find out what happened to Melissa Marr? --- there's already been way too many complications for a very simple plan. You ever find out what happened to Melissa Marr? Not yet. -Not yet. So we don't even know if she's alive or dead -- -So we don't even know if she's alive or dead -- -- Price killed her, there's no other explanation -- --- Price killed her, there's no other explanation -- -- there's plenty: for all we know, Steven's got her spying on us right now -- --- there's plenty: for all we know, Steven's got her spying on us right now -- -- bullshit -- --- bullshit -- -- the whole thing is falling apart! -It's not, baby. Just a matter of minutes now, before somebody pulls the trigger -- -- but nobody has yet, Donald. They just haven't been brought to that breaking point. They have to believe proof-positive that their lives are in danger. --- but nobody has yet, Donald. They just haven't been brought to that breaking point. They have to believe proof-positive that their lives are in danger. How much more do they need than your death at his hands? -How much more do they need than your death at his hands? But they didn't see it happen, they still have doubts. What we need is another body, and Steven's bloody hands right next to it! -But they didn't see it happen, they still have doubts. What we need is another body, and Steven's bloody hands right next to it! And how the hell are we going to do that? -And how the hell are we going to do that? Okay: this may sound crazy, but -- -If you don't mind me asking... Who are you? Name's Pritchett. Watson Pritchett. I own the house, my father built it. And now I just need to get you into it. So... -More of Price's spook-house bullshit. Not at all! -"Part of the original structure. When it was still an asylum. Guy who ran the place -- Dr. Vannacutt -- found it ""inspirational."" From some German cathedral a million years ago: ""Driving the Demons From the Mind.""" I'm moved beyond words. -Mr. Price? Mrs. Price? Somebody? Hello?? Pritchett, take it down a couple hundred decibels, what is your problem? -Pritchett, take it down a couple hundred decibels, what is your problem? Problem? No problem -- just want to get my money and get on home -- you know, things to see, people to do? -Why in God's name wasn't this thing removed years ago?? "It was on my Dad's list of ""things to do."" But the House did him first." -Jesus H. Christ! Oh dear. -Oh dear. If you don't calm the hell down I'm gonna strap you in for electro-shock! -Looks like we're it. More to the point. Where's our host? -Oh, for chrissake -- -- uh, excuse me, just one quick question? How long before this damn thing unseals itself? -Something just must've...frightened her, that's all. Yeah...something. -More the merrier. No. I'm going back to try and find Ms. Marr. If she's hurt, I'll tend to her. Dead, then I'm coming back for him. -Now what do we do? We've got to hold him somewhere 'til the police -- "-- the ""Saturation Chamber."" Where he wanted to put me." -Don't think it'll be a problem. C'mon. -What are you playing here, Price? A very, very scary game. But then look at the bright side: if there's only one of you still upright at dawn, you'll be leaving here with five million dollars in your pocket. -Just for the record: what are the rest of your names? Donald W. Blackburn, M.D. -You're not my list. I got an engraved -- literally -- invitation -- with my name -- -I got an engraved -- literally -- invitation -- with my name -- -- I'm sure you did. -There must be some other way out. Well, until that's found, I think it's a good idea we all stick together. Or wouldn't that fit into your plans, baby? -Melissa! Ms. Marr! -What? Is she alright? -Even if I were inclined, I've had better -- and a lot safer -- opportunities to kill off a wife. Three times, to be exact. -Three times, to be exact. Excuse me? -Excuse me? Accidents. Fatal. Each of your prior wives, so we've been informed. -Accidents. Fatal. Each of your prior wives, so we've been informed. Can't imagine by who. I don't suppose the truth would interest you: that I've never had another wife but Evelyn. -Where is it?? I don't know!! -I'm sorry -- -- she's not dead! Just have to get her heart pumping aqain! -Upstairs, too. Come with me, I'll show you another body, a friend of mine named Schecter -- -- what was he doing here? --- what was he doing here? Running all the bells and whistles we set up to scare hell out of everybody -- -Oh, really: who? Didn't catch his or her name, just followed them down here. Somebody all in white surgical gown. -If there really is someone else in this house, I think the four of us can handle the situation. I think one of you has been part and parcel of making this situation! -Nice touch, Pritchett: subtle. As a tumor. -This thing's going nowhere. If this is someone's idea of a joke -- -Put it this way: if it's your face on that tape, Mr. Moses, we're one gunshot away from solving all our problems -- -- fuck you! -Yeah, what the hell, I'll go. Yeah, me too. --- I did: down here. And I think that's case -- -Shouldn't somebody like, stand guard or something -- just in case? I'll stay, if it'll ease your mind. -I'll stay, if it'll ease your mind. You sure? You'll be alright by yourself? -I wanna know first: to what do I owe this honor? I mean, I never even heard of this guy. I'm just the Greeter -- and in that capacity, I now urge you all strongly to -- -'Less the place really is haunted. Nonsense! Just bad press. All the deaths that occurred inside -- my own father's included -- all perfectly normal fatal accidents. -You're totally full of shit, aren't you? You'll never know 'til you walk through that door! -You said that was an accident. I lied. The House is alive and we're all gonna die. -So, what? You're saying we're stuck here the rest of our lives? A cleaning crew's supposed to arrive at 9:30 tomorrow morning -- I think the power of the house fades at dawn. -A cleaning crew's supposed to arrive at 9:30 tomorrow morning -- I think the power of the house fades at dawn. -- well, let's hear it for small miracles -- --- well, let's hear it for small miracles -- -- but I imagine we'll all be mutilated beyond recognition by then. -What's in there? Nothing. -What is it? What's in there? The Soul of the House. Everything that's corrupt about it... My father trapped it in there just before he died. You see, he purchased the house to restore it... We were going to live here... Nothing can live here. I was just a kid... The first time I saw it, I thought it was beautiful... It was just a dark mist turning into the corner of the room... then it started to move... then death started to happen... First the workers.. six in all... then my father... -So you're saying as long as that door stays locked, we're okay? Hell NO!! The House will kill ya! -"New wrinkle on an old theory for treating schizophrenia. 19th Century, I think: what would drive a sane man mad should make a madman sane. The Vannacutt version was: bombard the patient with aural and visual stimuli far more frightening than any hallucination they could ever produce, it'd traumatize 'em back to ""normalcy.""" Did it work? -Hey! Where'd you guys go? Left, goddamnit! --- of this place, goddamnit, Pritchett! Yes. -What's down there? The...Fourth of July. -Shit, Pritchett!!! Price didn't make the guest list... The house did. It wants vengeance. -Price didn't make the guest list... The house did. It wants vengeance. How's a goddamn building gonna send out invitations? -How's a goddamn building gonna send out invitations? What's life, anyway? Waves...? Sound...? Light...? Electricity...? I don't know... Phone lines...? -Oh. Jesus. Poor Mr. Price -- -Uhhhh... What? -What? Okay -- I'll admit it: I'm totally, clinically insane. But I'm still the only one who actually got a check tonight. It's yours -- if you just get me the hell out of here now. -Hail Mary, full of grace -- the house is growing! It's not going to let us out! -If you know where it is, get there! Me? You've gotta be kidding. -Pritchett, is that you? Up here -- -Pritchett! Over here! -Right here, Mr. Pritchett. As well as five other bona fide, bank drafts for one million dollars each. Made out to cash. And we get this money when? -And we get this money when? The second the sun hits tomorrow morning. Assuming you have stayed the entire night - and you're still alive, of course. Any other questions? -This is nuts. "Yeah. But, hey, anybody who's not ""comfortable"" with the rules, you're free to walk, anytime. Seven digits poorer, goes without saying." -I'll meet you down there. Take the gun. -Evelyn, could you just zip it for a moment? It looks like we're stuck here 'til morning -- let's make the best of it. Best of a nightmare. -Married. Once. Same woman. All these years. She just slithered up the stairs. Prove it. -Prove it. Prove it how? -Oh, Jesus.... Adrenaline -- in your bag, Blackburn, you must have -- --- the stained glass -- -- yeah, we did that -- --- closed. Pritchett, you're not joining this necktie party? -Is she...alright? I thought she was dead. For sure. -And you're not really as large and useless as you seem. I'm better than that. -I'm better than that. Don't push it. -Three steps forward -- I want to get up there. Why? -Why? This whole place can't be wired to just one circuit -- -Thanks. Most fun I've had all day. -Most fun I've had all day. You need to get out more. -What? Deep down inside? Start with the name you were born with, and we'll work forward from there. -Start with the name you were born with, and we'll work forward from there. I told you already: Jennifer Jenzen, Executive V.P. of -- -I told you already: Jennifer Jenzen, Executive V.P. of -- I don't think so... -I don't think so... Why not? -Why not? Most of my business is making deliveries to high rollers. And I have yet to meet one Executive who could tie their own shoes -- let alone rewire an entire house. You don't fit the bill -- not even close. -Most of my business is making deliveries to high rollers. And I have yet to meet one Executive who could tie their own shoes -- let alone rewire an entire house. You don't fit the bill -- not even close. There's always exceptions. -There's always exceptions. Not in the movie biz. So, c'mon, gimme the truth. -Well, she went somewhere! She didn't just up and disappear into thin air! No...not air -- -How you gonna manage that with a new blow-hole in your dome? Hey, if everybody's gonna kill each other, could you do it in another room? I'm trying to get something accomplished here. -What the hell good is fixing that gonna get us? An answer, I hope: exactly what -- or who -- Melissa was taping. -An answer, I hope: exactly what -- or who -- Melissa was taping. And then where are we? -You hear somebody? No -- keep pulling, it's moving! -We can do it... Sure, with three days and a blowtorch. -Sure, with three days and a blowtorch. It's a thousand years old -- we just need a crowbar or something to get leverage -- the sucker'll pop! -It's a thousand years old -- we just need a crowbar or something to get leverage -- the sucker'll pop! No prob: I'll just hop down the hardware store -- -No prob: I'll just hop down the hardware store -- -- no. The basement -- the room with all the controls to this thing: big long iron levers just lying there -- --- no. The basement -- the room with all the controls to this thing: big long iron levers just lying there -- -- not a chance -- there's too much weirdness down there I don't think even bullets are gonna stop. --- not a chance -- there's too much weirdness down there I don't think even bullets are gonna stop. You're starting to sound like Pritchett. -I was upstairs with Eddie -- -- that's the fact, bud -- --- that's the fact, bud -- -- where the hell were you? --- you lose either way, Price -- -- listen to the man -- -I think we should have taken a right back there. Back where? -Good point. Let's try down here... -What are you looking for? Maybe there are notes or drawings of this place, showing how those plates work. -Cheery looking bunch. Better living through electricity. -Holy shit! Now we know how the guest list was made up. Look, these names... Head Nurse, Ruth-Ann Stockard... Bjorn Jensen, Electro Therapy... Jasper Marr, Thomas Steven Price... They're all here! Wait a minute... What are you saying? -Wait a minute... What are you saying? Everyone that was invited is related to one of the staff who was here when the place burned. There are five of us... -Or an on-line computer. That's crazy! -That's crazy! What about that other guy? -This is the best we're gonna do. It'll have to do. -Price!! He's gotta still be down here. -It's okay, everything's okay now. He's dead...? -Don't think it's even an issue. We're safe? -What -- -- was that?? -The opening's still too small, we'll never get through! For chrissake give me a hand! -No. It's just trying to frighten us. It's succeeding! -It's succeeding! All the plates sealing the windows and doors -- there's got to be some way of raising them manually. They didn't just appear out of thin air -- there's got to be pulleys, cables or something, that make them go up and down. -Where did it go? Run. -Run. What -- -You okay? Yeah. And under other abnormal circumstances, I think this would be the time to seriously jump your bones. -Yeah. And under other abnormal circumstances, I think this would be the time to seriously jump your bones. Better put it on hold 'til we find Pritchett. -Better put it on hold 'til we find Pritchett. I don't do groups. -What? Jesus! -...Jesus H. Christ. So where's the party? -"I knew this whole place'd be pure gold! Pritchett, point me in the direction of the goddamn ghosts! If I can get something bizarre enough on tape, I think I can parlay it into getting me some kind'a Robert Stack ""Unsolved Most- Wacked-Out Home Videos"" gig. No more five afternoons a week of sex-change- Nazis-and-the-lesbos-that-love-'em." You've got your own TV show? -You've got your own TV show? The guy whose hair I do has his own TV show. All I've got is a blow-dryer and a dream. -...birds. Just seagulls or something walking on the glass, goddammit. Cheer up: before the night's through, I'm sure one of us'll get hacked to pieces by somebody or something. -So, what? The thing with the glass? Price did that? I hope not. -Melissa Margaret Marr, Celebrity. Eddie Moses, Communications Attache -- which translated from ancient bullshit means: I work for a Messenger service. -Then what the hell are we doing here? How'd you make your guest list, Price: throw darts at a phone book? --- forget it. Last birthday the Manson Family Ranch, the year before that: Jonestown. "Oh. You think this is a request. Well, think again. I'm telling you: ""Haunted Hill"" is exactly where we're having my party this year. You'll find the guest list on your desk by the time you get back --" -Don't touch me! I'm impressed: I don't think Evelyn's ever said those words to anything with genitalia. -I'm impressed: I don't think Evelyn's ever said those words to anything with genitalia. I'm not laughing, Steven. -I'm not laughing, Steven. You shouldn't be -- you were nearly just killed, sweetheart. And now that our birthday girl is finally here, let the games begin! -You shouldn't be -- you were nearly just killed, sweetheart. And now that our birthday girl is finally here, let the games begin! Haven't they already? -Could we have a word? Oh, I think we're going to have several. -I gave you a goddamn guest list two pages long -- where the hell are they? Shredded. Sorry. Decided to whip up one of my own: a group so hungry for money that they'd be willing to do anything. I thought you'd be more comfortable with your peers. -Shredded. Sorry. Decided to whip up one of my own: a group so hungry for money that they'd be willing to do anything. I thought you'd be more comfortable with your peers. I guess it was stupid of me not to expect something this twisted from you. Well, congratu-fucking-lations, Steven: Round One, you win. -I guess it was stupid of me not to expect something this twisted from you. Well, congratu-fucking-lations, Steven: Round One, you win. Well, not quite. See, those people down there: they aren't the ones I invited. -Well, not quite. See, those people down there: they aren't the ones I invited. Then who are they? -Then who are they? You tell me. I don't know how you managed to hack into my Mac, but: bravo. -You tell me. I don't know how you managed to hack into my Mac, but: bravo. What are you talking about? You think I invited them? -What are you talking about? You think I invited them? Sure know it wasn't me. And if you say it wasn't you -- then who the hell did, Evelyn? -Sure know it wasn't me. And if you say it wasn't you -- then who the hell did, Evelyn? It you really loved me, Steven, you'd find a way to drop dead in the next three seconds. -It you really loved me, Steven, you'd find a way to drop dead in the next three seconds. "Finding ways for me to die at these things is really your deal, isn't it? The ""O.J."" knife with the not-quite- retractable blade? Your ""Jim Jones Kool- Aid"" that was exactly that?" -"Finding ways for me to die at these things is really your deal, isn't it? The ""O.J."" knife with the not-quite- retractable blade? Your ""Jim Jones Kool- Aid"" that was exactly that?" All accidents until proven otherwise. -You know how happy I'd be if that was really true, Evelyn? And how positively goddamn delirious if you weren't fucking every living thing in our area code at the same goddamn time! Which part of that fantasy turns you on most: me with other men -- or just the other men? -Which part of that fantasy turns you on most: me with other men -- or just the other men? You know everything you do gets me hot. --- just not always in the sexual sense. You're hurting me. -You're hurting me. I know. -Now, there's the simple country gal I married. Let's go back down and greet your guests -- show them the real you: corny as Kansas on the Fourth of July. My guests were shredded. It's your sick little scene now, Steven: enjoy. I'm going to go run scalding water on the places you just touched me, and then I'm calling a cab. --- asking the wrong guy -- wasn't me who closed it. Sure it wasn't. Hey, anybody else here make their living with thrills'n'chills for the kiddies? Don't raise your hands all at once. -Sure it wasn't. Hey, anybody else here make their living with thrills'n'chills for the kiddies? Don't raise your hands all at once. Huh. And here I had a completely different theory. -Huh. And here I had a completely different theory. Really? Well, let it rip. -Really? Well, let it rip. Oh, no-no-no -- much more bang for everyone's buck to nail the bitch -- -Oh, no-no-no -- much more bang for everyone's buck to nail the bitch -- -- the sadistic prick -- --- the sadistic prick -- -- in the act. -What are you talking about? Must be getting old, Stevie -- you're repeating yourself -- this is the exact same set-up you used for the Son-Of-Sam Hunt back in '94. Girlie, open up that casket there and see what you find. -So how's a girl to know if these things are loaded, baby? Only one way I can think of, Sweetheart. -And where are we off to, Mr. Price? Check the wiring on the animatronic Mummies? A simple leak, if it's okay with you. -Fine with me. Just somebody then better go and round up Melissa Marr. Where is she? -Where is she? Stalking the wild poltergeist. -Game, set and match, Steven. You've outdone yourself. And I know it's not good manners to ask the magician how he did it, but inquiring minds are desperate to know: just what did really happen to Ms. Marr? Asking the wrong person again. -Asking the wrong person again. I mean, did she stage it all for you and then go hide -- or did you just flat out kill the little bitch -- -I mean, did she stage it all for you and then go hide -- or did you just flat out kill the little bitch -- -- I pose you the same question -- --- I pose you the same question -- -- and who's next on your list? --- and who's next on your list? If I had one, Evelyn, I think you know who'd be first and last -- -If I had one, Evelyn, I think you know who'd be first and last -- -- oh, for chrissake, that's a given; we all know that knocking me off is the bottom line here -- --- oh, for chrissake, that's a given; we all know that knocking me off is the bottom line here -- -- that wasn't my original plan, but it is starting to look more attractive -- --- that wasn't my original plan, but it is starting to look more attractive -- -- thank you! All the cards finally on the goddamn table! -Jesus! Question answered. -Question answered. They weren't loaded when I put them in there! -They weren't loaded when I put them in there! Funky little house, ain't it? Friends, your hostess is now going to retire for what's left of the night. If you need me, I'll be in the bedroom upstairs -- but try and fight that need: the door'll be locked, I'll be trying to sleep, and if anyone so much as breathes in the keyhole, I'm gonna empty this thing into their fucking head. Thank you all for the bestest birthday a girl could have. -Steven -- -- anything, sweetheart, you need only speak -- --- anything, sweetheart, you need only speak -- -- what...are...you...going...to -- --- what...are...you...going...to -- -- just what you wanted everyone here to believe in the first place: I'm going to murder you, Evelyn, with the greatest of pleasure -- --- just what you wanted everyone here to believe in the first place: I'm going to murder you, Evelyn, with the greatest of pleasure -- -- wit...nesses -- --- wit...nesses -- -- witnesses to what? You're already dead, Evelyn! Happy Birthday, baby -- -No... No. OhmyGod, Pritchett was right -- The house IS haunted. -Evelyn... Get up... NOW! Steven?? -I don't know, Ms. Jenzen. Well, who's the damn thing from? -Well, who's the damn thing from? Messenger just dropped it off. No return address. -Messenger just dropped it off. No return address. You didn't think to ask? -You didn't think to ask? I was in the middle of -- -I was in the middle of -- -- being utterly fucking useless, what else is new. -You think this is fucking funny?? No, no, it's just -- -No, no, it's just -- -- well, here's a better one: you're fired. --- well, here's a better one: you're fired. What? -What? And here's your goddamn severance! -...wow....WOW! Hey, Ms. Jenzen -- ? Are you still fucking here?? -Business or pleasure, Mr. Price? My wife. Where were we? -My wife. Where were we? "Your roller coaster that is, quote: ""unlike any that has ever come before it.""" -"Your roller coaster that is, quote: ""unlike any that has ever come before it.""" Absolutely. No cheap thrills. A genuine Journey To The Brink Of Madness. -Ever seen one that starts at the top? 20 stories worth of top? And then what happens? -And then what happens? I think it's something better experienced then described. -Sources have told this reporter that the real reason your Park's opening has been delayed was a near-fatal accident on one of the rides here. Comment? I wouldn't be opening this place tomorrow if every single thing down to the beheaded Beanie Babies hadn't tested 100% safe. -First time for everything. I've designed and built six of these places -- take my word for it, everything's fine. -Do something! Like what?? This isn't supposed to be happening!! -Please! Something! Oh-God! Maybe if I -- -She's been marked for it. The House does that. Happened to Pritchett's father. Likely happen to you all. Isn't that what you told me, Mr. Pritchett? I can't remember at the moment. -I'm ready now. Alright, Mr. Pritchett, let me just sign the damn thing. --- it's getting older by the second. Mr. Price, if I could just please have -- Sorry, Pritchett, here you go. -I think you're gonna miss the bash of a lifetime -- -- my loss -- --- my loss -- -- even if I give you a million as well? --- even if I give you a million as well? Wouldn't know what to do with it all -- -Must be those plates -- interfering with the signal somehow. Not the plates: the House. Why is no one listening to me?? It's alive! And once it's made up its mind, it won't let anything out. -I think...I may have the answer. What? -What? I remember...it was a long time ago...my father said: when the House was finally completed, make sure...we-christen-it- with-this-bottle-of-dirt-cheap-champagne- that-should-still-be-in a cupboard somewhere! -House 2, Guests 0. "I think, Pritchett, we've got a situation here that even you can't explain away as ""ghosts."" This is ice- cold homicide by person -- or persons --" --- then I guess then it had to be you. Sorry. Thank God -- I was afraid I'd be lynched without a quorum. -Vannacutt!! Or somebody wanting me to believe that. -He was right! Pritchett was right! I am. -Yeah. Why's there five checks? There's only four of us. You're forgetting my lovely wife; she's part of the same winner-take-all as the rest of you. -You're forgetting my lovely wife; she's part of the same winner-take-all as the rest of you. What're you talking about? -What're you talking about? Oh, sorry. Detail I guess I forgot to mention. You die, you lose. Your check gets divvied-up by those still amongst the living. -Jennifer-Jenzen-Executive-V.P.- Paragon-Pictures. Very good. Well, I think I can say with complete honesty: I've never heard of any of you. -This is all maybe getting a little too strange -- -- I wouldn't worry, Ms. Jenzen: the unexplainable will probably explain herself before too long. In the meantime, let's all relax, have a drink, the evening's young -- -Sorry. Good way to get your head blown off. -Good way to get your head blown off. I'll try not to remember to warn Evelyn. -What is it?? Something with the power, I don't know!! -I...don't think...anybody should be touching the body. I think I'll do what I damn well please. --- the window and door grates -- -- no -- that's when everything went ragtime -- whoever else is in this house has been doing everything since -- I thought it was Evelyn -- -I was upstairs! I never saw you -- -If you've got a gun on you, Price, I'd hand it over now. Not just yet. Would any of you be interested in knowing exactly why I ended up here in the basement? -Not just yet. Would any of you be interested in knowing exactly why I ended up here in the basement? Fascinated. -Fascinated. I was chasing after somebody I saw in the salon. -Well, I don't. "Then just wait -- maybe this whoever's got you next on the Asylum's equipment- test list. Maybe a literal mind-blow inside the ""Saturation Chamber.""" -"Then just wait -- maybe this whoever's got you next on the Asylum's equipment- test list. Maybe a literal mind-blow inside the ""Saturation Chamber.""" I'll take my chances. -I'll take my chances. Well, I can't, sweetheart. -Don't test me, I'm real prepared to use this to stay alive -- -- confirming everything we already know -- --- confirming everything we already know -- -- I'll take the chance, come morning and cops, I'll be proved right -- --- listen to me, goddamnit -- -- no more -- -Then tell me, please -- help me...! Don't think so. Stay the fuck back. -Don't think so. Stay the fuck back. Please! I need your help. -Please! I need your help. Not even for a million dollars, Mr. Price. -Houston, I think we may have a problem. Evelyn, go stir your cauldron or something for a sec. -Problem where? Looked good to me. """Dummy 6"" keeps losing his arm." -"""Dummy 6"" keeps losing his arm." So disengage his Flail Arm Mechanism and just make him a screamer. --- hey! Next time give me a couple seconds notice before you wing a gag like that! The lockdown thing. -The lockdown thing. I mean, not that it didn't give Evelyn the kind of coronary I had in mind, just... -I mean, not that it didn't give Evelyn the kind of coronary I had in mind, just... -- it wasn't me. --- it wasn't me. Rewind that. -Rewind that. I was just sitting here -- it happened. I had nothing to do with it. -I was just sitting here -- it happened. I had nothing to do with it. Then who did?? -Then who did?? No idea. I didn't even know the damn thing still worked! -No idea. I didn't even know the damn thing still worked! It works. -It works. Maybe it was just its time to finally fall apart. -Maybe it was just its time to finally fall apart. No. Somehow -- I don't know how -- she did it. -No. Somehow -- I don't know how -- she did it. Pretty amazing feat: all that shit down the basement and your wife's up in the bedroom the whole time. -Pretty amazing feat: all that shit down the basement and your wife's up in the bedroom the whole time. Don't take your eyes off her for a second. I think she just declared War. -But the million bucks each, that's for real? It better be -- he still owes me $25 grand for renting the place for the night! Here, let's get you some illumination so you can make your way safely! -Wish I could take the credit, but -- -- guess we know where Mr. Price is now. --- guess we know where Mr. Price is now. He must've beaten us all here! -Of course he did, for God's sake. Didn't he, Mr. Pritchett? I can't comment until I get paid. -Oh, no. What's going on? -Don't know that it does. Well, then, how 'bout maybe we call someone? -Well, then, how 'bout maybe we call someone? Hasn't been a telephone in this House in over 60 years. -Won't do any good. Why not? -Uh, excuse me? Don't think I'm not having the time of my life watching this train wreck that's your marriage -- but this isn't what I had in mind... I want to know that we can get out of here if we need to. Believe me, we need to. -Believe me, we need to. "Pritchett, this ""lockdown"" thing -- it's gotta have like a master control -- you know machinery, gears, whatever -- somewhere in this place?" -"Pritchett, this ""lockdown"" thing -- it's gotta have like a master control -- you know machinery, gears, whatever -- somewhere in this place?" The basement -- but, believe me, you don't want to go down there. -The basement -- but, believe me, you don't want to go down there. No, you don't want to go down there. I am going down there. And I'm going to find reverse on this thing and floor it. -No, you don't want to go down there. I am going down there. And I'm going to find reverse on this thing and floor it. You'll never find it, it's a maze down there. -You'll never find it, it's a maze down there. Well, that leaves you with two options then, doesn't it: either show me where and maybe we get out of here -- or it's spend-the-night-sleep-tight. -You should really open this place to the public, Pritchett -- a spa for people without enough stress in their lives. I said we shouldn't come down here. Very treacherous -- physical and metaphysical levels, both. There've been no refurbishments to this part of the house -- it's exactly as it was in 1931. -Ghosts killed your father? Not ghosts... at least not what you're thinking... Vannacutt used to dump the bodies of his failed experiments somewhere in the house... -Not ghosts... at least not what you're thinking... Vannacutt used to dump the bodies of his failed experiments somewhere in the house... And you think it's in there? -And you think it's in there? Accumulated evil... festering for decades... But I'm a drunk... so don't listen to me. -There is something very not normal going on here! This? This is nothing. You've only been dealing with the House itself. You have no idea what you're tinkering with. Sooner or later, the darkness that is at the core will get out... One of you will release it... Not meaning to, of course... then... ...Bye, bye, Miss American Pie... -This? This is nothing. You've only been dealing with the House itself. You have no idea what you're tinkering with. Sooner or later, the darkness that is at the core will get out... One of you will release it... Not meaning to, of course... then... ...Bye, bye, Miss American Pie... "Pritchett, what is this ""core of darkness""?" -"Pritchett, what is this ""core of darkness""?" I thought you understood.... It's the souls of Vannacutt's dead... The insanity... The horror... Victims burned alive... All that pain percolating somewhere in the house for seventy-some years... ...singing this will be the day that I die... This will be the day that I.... -You coming, or are you waiting for Blackburn? Blackburn's dead. -Blackburn's dead. Excuse me? -Excuse me? He would have been back by now. -Price! Oh, dear. -Pritchett: what is going on? He must've unsealed the room! -He must've unsealed the room! How, he's supposed to be dead! --- hey! -- -- ten. --- Eddie!! Over here. -Please.....anyone....help me? Melissa...? -Melissa...? For the love of God....please...? -For the love of God....please...? Melissa, it's Sara -- is that you? -Melissa, it's Sara -- is that you? Sara...? -Sara...? Keep talking, I'll find you! -Keep talking, I'll find you! Something....happened -- -Something....happened -- -- I'm coming -- --- I'm coming -- -- something horrible...I don't understand -- -I feel something. It's faint, but...it's there... You say you saw some activity here? -Damn it. What's the matter? -What's the matter? These records only go back to 1880. But... ...wait a minute... -Did you find something? I did a cross search, death certificates with this address. James and Marion Foster. They had a daughter. Right here, it says James died, 1882, pneumonia. Marion dies September the next year. Suicide. -It doesn't say. But that's not what interests me. There's no death certificate for the daughter. Anywhere. What was her name? -What was her name? Colleen. -So many unanswered questions. Why was she buried there. And who killed her? It might have been her mother. -It might have been her mother. We don't have proof of that. -We don't have proof of that. The style of dress on the girl... it coincides with the era Marion Foster killed herself. Who else could have gone in there and done something like that? -They don't build them like this anymore. Suppose not. -Town records are coming up now. What will they tell you? -What will they tell you? I'll be able to do a search, to find out who lived here previously. And who died here. -I have to admit you really have a beautiful home. Thank you. If you told me two years ago we'd be living here, I would never have believed it. Do you live around here? -Thank you. If you told me two years ago we'd be living here, I would never have believed it. Do you live around here? No, I live about in Wexford. It's about a five hour drive. -How did you meet Dr. Shea? There were a series of lectures about parapsychology at my university. I went and heard him speak, and became fascinated with the idea of hunting ghosts. -There were a series of lectures about parapsychology at my university. I went and heard him speak, and became fascinated with the idea of hunting ghosts. I have to admit I was skeptical. Until now. -I have to admit I was skeptical. Until now. So was I. The usual investigation turns up nothing more times than not. -So was I. The usual investigation turns up nothing more times than not. Well, I guess this whole thing was as strange for you as it was for us. -Well, I guess this whole thing was as strange for you as it was for us. Yes. It was. -It looks delicious... Why don't you pass me your plate? -Did you find her?! No! -Are you all right? A few years older, perhaps. -A few years older, perhaps. How's your arm? -It will heal. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. There's no need to be. -Good-bye. Good-bye. -May you find the peace you've sought in vain for so long. That poor little girl. -Where does this amulet come from? It's origin is unknown. The symbol does correspond to a dagger I acquired many years ago. -The dagger is used to free those possessed if stabbed directly into the heart, according to ancient beliefs - By killing them? -By killing them? By freeing them. -By freeing them. I don't understand. -I don't understand. The knife destroys the evil and saves the soul of the possessed. -What do these ingredients mean? Pearl, is the twilight, the divinity... Onyx is the sickle, death... -Can we leave out a bowl of milk, mommy? Sure. -Mommy, the leprechauns drank the milk last night. Well I bet you they're happy. -Can I do it again tonight? We'll have every leprechaun in Ireland here honey. -Don't play games with me, little girl. I didn't do anything, mommy. -I didn't do anything, mommy. Well then who did?! -Well then who did?! Maybe it was Colleen... -Maybe it was Colleen... Who...is Colleen? -It's going to hurt us! No it won't - no it won't! -Honey, isn't your friend's name Colleen? Yes. -Can you talk to her? She talks to me. -She's down... She's down...how do you mean honey? -Aubrey, come on down and have some dinner! Ok... -My angel! I'm scared! -Are we leaving mommy? Yes, we'll be leaving soon. -Where are we going to go, mommy? We're going to go someplace new. -We're going to go someplace new. What about all my other stuff? -What about all my other stuff? We'll get it later. -H-how long will it take? Go to your room! Now! -Your father doesn't love us anymore! What do you mean? Mommy? You're scaring me! -Oh my God, what happened to you? My baby - I'm ok mommy. -She says she's lonely... Where is she? -Where is she? She's here. -She's here. Where is she now? -Where is she now? She's hiding. -She's down. Help her... Take me to her. -Help me! Please!!! My God, I heard something! -Can I have this room daddy? Sure. Did you see the others? -Sure. Did you see the others? I want this one, daddy. -I want this one, daddy. Ok. If you want this room, you can have it. -What's he doing daddy? He's blessing the house. -He's blessing the house. Why? -Why? For good luck honey. -Did you grow up in Ireland mister? That's father, Aubrey. SEAMUS Well yes I did. Lived here my whole life. -That's father, Aubrey. SEAMUS Well yes I did. Lived here my whole life. Did you ever see a leprechaun? -Look daddy! It's empty! That's great, honey. -We're here Aubrey! Look, don't be afraid. We want you to come back to us... It's dark! I can't breathe! -I can't move! Fight it back Aubrey. Fight it back as hard as you can! -Mommy please help me! Don't be afraid! -Don't be afraid! Daddy, please!!! -Oh my God! She's in there! Daddy help! -Are we going back to California daddy? Well, that all depends. -Good night Angel... Good night daddy. -Mommy! Aubrey run! Aubrey stares in horror at Maura - just then the knife FADES AWAY as Maura rolls over, returned to normal - -I could use a little help. We have to return the van soon. Ok ok...we're just gonna head inside here... -Now remember we have to call someone about that replacing that water heater. Yeah I'll look into that tonight. -Yeah I'll look into that tonight. I hope we have more success than we did with the cleaning service. -I hope we have more success than we did with the cleaning service. The place is pretty dusty. -The place is pretty dusty. Well the realtor said that was going to be taken care of and it wasn't. I'll have to call her. -Well the realtor said that was going to be taken care of and it wasn't. I'll have to call her. Who knows... we have to get used to living around here. Maybe good help is hard to find. -Who knows... we have to get used to living around here. Maybe good help is hard to find. Must be... -What's the matter? Will, maybe we should have separate bedrooms for a while. -Will, maybe we should have separate bedrooms for a while. Oh come on... -Oh come on... I just, I don't know... -I just, I don't know... What will Aubrey think? -What will Aubrey think? Aubrey knows more about us than you think. -Well maybe we don't need to remind her of it. She has a lot more to adjust to...new friends, new schools...it would be good if she had a stable family environment. You didn't think much about that before. -You didn't think much about that before. Look, I thought we were all right on this, Maura. It's over. You know that. -It's just going to take a while. Whatever you say. -To our family. To our family. -I wish I knew more about her. Did anyone in your family keep in touch with her? -Did anyone in your family keep in touch with her? Not really. She was just one of those names you hear growing up. You know, so-and-so who lives in Ireland. I really don't think anyone knew about this place. -Not really. She was just one of those names you hear growing up. You know, so-and-so who lives in Ireland. I really don't think anyone knew about this place. Or what she was worth. -God rest her soul. I don't think she willed it to me out of sentiment. She didn't even know who I was. It's just... tradition. -Are you playing tricks on me? What? -What? It's not going to work. I'm too smart for you. -What the hell is that? I don't know. That's strange. -No. Maybe it was Aubrey. She's asleep. I think that's what I need, too. I'm starting to see things. -She's asleep. I think that's what I need, too. I'm starting to see things. Yeah, well I'll be joining you shortly. I just want to... -...set up some more things. Ok. -The heater's here. Were you fooling with the power? -Were you fooling with the power? No. -No. Didn't you just see the power go off and on? I just had a bulb break on me! -What is it? It was in the cellar. Weird. -It was in the cellar. Weird. Well something just happened to the power upstairs... Maura heads off and shakes her head, troubled by the event - -Weird sounds, things moving, lights going off. The videotape... So what are you saying? -So what are you saying? I don't know what I'm saying. -But do you agree with me? Yeah, I'd say some weird things have happened. -Yeah, I'd say some weird things have happened. Well what do you think it is? -Well, I try to keep an open mind, but... Maybe Eliza wasn't so crazy after all. -Maybe Eliza wasn't so crazy after all. There's got to be an explanation. It could be a magnetic flux or something, maybe the power lines are giving off something. Who knows? I don't know, I think it's kind of interesting. -There's got to be an explanation. It could be a magnetic flux or something, maybe the power lines are giving off something. Who knows? I don't know, I think it's kind of interesting. Well what power lines, Will? Where? Maybe we should call someone about it. -Well what power lines, Will? Where? Maybe we should call someone about it. Who? -Who? I don't know. Someone who...knows about this kind of stuff. -I don't know. Someone who...knows about this kind of stuff. Oh come on! -Oh come on! What about keeping an open mind? -Just because I have an open mind doesn't mean I'm going to pay some snake oil peddler to come in and shake a voodoo stick around the house. Voodoo stick? It's nothing like that Will. You're just being cynical. -Voodoo stick? It's nothing like that Will. You're just being cynical. I'm being realistic. Look, I have a spiritual side. I mean, we had a priest come in and bless the house. That should count for something. -It just disappeared. Literally. I'm sure this sounds crazy to you. -Whoa there... Are you ok? -What are you talking about? She has a...friend. Colleen. -She has a...friend. Colleen. A friend? -A friend? You, an imaginary friend. That's what she calls her. -How are we doing? I think everything's ready. -I think everything's ready. Good. I'll start bringing things in. -Oh my God where is she! She's gone! -She's gone! Aubrey?! Aubrey?! -Aubrey! Aubrey! -It doesn't matter to me. What do you mean by that? You seem to appreciate the local scenery. -I'm fine. Ok... -You know, I was thinking... All that stuff father Seamus said...about discord, distrust... we're doing all right, aren't we? You don't have any doubts about me, do you? Should I... -Should I... No. You two are the most important things in my life. I don't ever want to lose you. -You don't think I know? Know what? -Do you think I'm a fool? What? -What? Nothing's changed, has it. You still want to deceive me? -Nothing's changed, has it. You still want to deceive me? What are you talking about? -Maura, what is this! We're not going. -We're not going. Not going! Are you out of your mind?! Wait! -We'll destroy you...destroy all of you! No... NO! -Maura! What's happening! -Are you all right? I'm ok. -You're bleeding. I'm all right... -Not at all. I'm just trying to put together all the evidence, to determine what it could possibly be. Well that's what we're here for. I mean - -We don't know. I could see if I detect the presence of something. -I think we should do it. We're usually successful in detecting the source of most problems. Unfortunately. -We're usually successful in detecting the source of most problems. Unfortunately. What do you mean, unfortunately? -What do you mean, unfortunately? We usually find nothing. We've debunked many a reported haunting. About ninety five percent of the cases had some technical explanation. -We usually find nothing. We've debunked many a reported haunting. About ninety five percent of the cases had some technical explanation. What about the other five percent? -Where is your daughter? She might be able to give us some information. She's at school. We've tried not to upset her more than she's been. -Ok, so we have a...presence. What do we do about it? If we have a troubled spirit here, we have to find out why it's troubled. -I'm not sure, but I can check. Did the events start before or after you discovered this? Before. -You've done your homework, Mrs. South. Maura. -Maura. Maura. -Maura. Yeah, they told us this was the best. -I'm hungry enough to eat a horse. You'll have to settle for turkey. -Is white meat all right for you, Mr. Shea? White meat will be fine... -You must be a Londrigan. Yes, I am. -...at her request. She was a very religious woman. Oh, that's nice... -Oh, that's nice... May I come in? -Thank you. I believe she would have wanted it. Did you know her very well? -She attended the church for years. A dear woman, it was sad to see her decline so rapidly. It was a shame. -It was a shame. In her later years she would often get very disoriented being alone here. She would call me, and I would come by. -Well it's nice that you were there for her. I took pity on the poor woman. This house is too big for one person to live alone in... -Your daughter's been taken. What! -I'm going to need some blood. It must be from a woman. Why? -Why? The blood of a woman is birth, life. It is part of the ceremony. Seamus offers up the pin - Maura waits a beat, then takes it - -Now you must listen to me. This force is like a parasite, or a virus. It feeds on doubt, suspicion, discord... you must clear your mind as we reach out for her. So what should we do, father? -Go ahead. I believe right now she may hear you. Aubrey? It's mommy. -Concentrate! She can hear you! Come back to us honey, don't be afraid! -She's coming back. Keep talking! Come back to us honey! -You must be the new tenants. And you...are? -My name is Father Seamus. I'm from Holy Rood church. How can I help you? -What was she afraid of? Well, I believe her mind was playing tricks on her, God rest her soul. She would hear things, see things... -Did you have dinner, father? We have plenty. Well thank you for the offer, But I really have to go. -I hope everything works out for you, and you find happiness in your new home. Thank you. -Thank you. Perhaps I'll see you in church. -Well there's no time like the present. Good night. Good night. -We'll never know for sure. Hopefully the whole sad chapter is over. And everyone, including your family, will find peace. WILL I just want to...thank all of you, for everything you've done for us. -This isn't happening... The amulet... -What...amulet? Did you remove anything in the cellar! -I said nothing before, for fear you wouldn't believe me. I've been here before to cast evil from this house. The amulet is a guard against evil, blessed in countless rituals. It is an ancient ceremony of the early Catholic church, a ceremony whose secrets are all but lost. So what does that have to do with Aubrey! Where is she! -So what does that have to do with Aubrey! Where is she! We must return it, if you want your daughter back. -We must return it, if you want your daughter back. What are you getting at! -What are you getting at! I said nothing before, for fear you wouldn't believe me. I've exorcised forces from this house. Eliza knew, she was there. It wants another soul, the one we've taken away. We must weaken it! -How long will it take! It will not take long... -Keep talking! It can't hurt you if you're not afraid Aubrey. Think about us. We're here for you, we love you... -The rain is letting up. Yes it is. Will and Seamus look at each other - -Yes it is. Will and Seamus look at each other - I don't know what happened... and I don't know what you did... -I don't know what happened... and I don't know what you did... I didn't do anything...God saved her... -I didn't do anything...God saved her... What's going to happen? -What's going to happen? I wish I had an answer. Evil is powerful, more so every day it seems. But I believe the worst for you and for this house is behind us. -Take care of the girl. Take care of your family. They are important. Yes, they are. -Well, you know where to reach me. The church is a stone's throw away if you want to come to mass. We'll be there. -No. But I'm a clairvoyant. I can sometimes talk to unhappy spirits inhabiting a certain place. Oh. -Well it all depends on how much money you want to spend. A standard visit would run you about fifty pounds. That would include myself and an assistant. And what would you do? -And what would you do? Well, we could bring in special equipment, monitors, sound devices, things like that. -Looks like we have some animal hairs in here. Maybe some kind of a rodent. So is that what all this is? Someone have a problem with us living here? -So is that what all this is? Someone have a problem with us living here? Not someone. Something. I've never felt a presence that strong before. -Do you have any other physical evidence, that we can look at? Not really. Oh, wait a minute. -Where did you find this? It was nailed to the cellar wall. -It was nailed to the cellar wall. I see some faint lettering. It appears to be the...Runic alphabet? -I see some faint lettering. It appears to be the...Runic alphabet? Runic? -Do you mind if I borrow it? Not at all, if it can help. -There's something in there. What? -What? There's something through that wall! -There's something through that wall! Well what is it! -Well what is it! I don't know! Trust what I'm saying, we have to open this wall! -What do you mean? I mean hardly any thigh. I'm telling you, Joey; shorter skirt, more lift on the leg-cross ... and you're made. -What, you think I'm kidding? I guarantee it. An inch more flank. Boys upstairs get hot. Bingo, you're an anchor-woman. Jesus Christ ... -C'mon, Joey. I'm just trying to help you hit a home run here. Yeah? Well, you just struck out. It may be a surprise to you, Brad, but I want to do it the right way. Not tight skirts. Tight stories. -Yeah? Well, you just struck out. It may be a surprise to you, Brad, but I want to do it the right way. Not tight skirts. Tight stories. Right. Like last night's doozie. -Right. Like last night's doozie. I know what I saw. -I know what I saw. And I believe what you say. But this is TV. No pictures, no story. -Not on station time. No. Not on station time. My story. My time. -I know. I know. But it's just so ... neat, isn't it? The first gig that isn't cute kids or diet gurus and it's taken away from me. Yeah, well like you said - it's a mystery. But that's all it is. Mystery. Not malice. What, you think the station paid off every accident victim in the city to ... ? -Better hurry, Doc. A real story. With a real reporter. Joey .... Look, you wanna ride? I can go by your place. -Joey .... Look, you wanna ride? I can go by your place. You'd lose the money-shots. No. I'll catch a bus. Or a cab. Don't worry about it. Go. -You'd lose the money-shots. No. I'll catch a bus. Or a cab. Don't worry about it. Go. OK. Be careful. And lighten up. Story of your life could be right round the corner. -OK. Be careful. And lighten up. Story of your life could be right round the corner. That is the story of my life. -Hello? You wanted a story. You got it. Turn on the TV now. And then get your ass down here ... ... -You wanted a story. You got it. Turn on the TV now. And then get your ass down here ... ... Doc? ... Doc ... Hello? -Wait ... wait. You ... you have to help me. I don't understand. Am I dreaming this? You have to help me. You will understand. And no, you're not dreaming. Do you know where we are? -You have to help me. You will understand. And no, you're not dreaming. Do you know where we are? It's ... I don't know. First World War, right? -It's ... I don't know. First World War, right? Correct. The fields of France. And many dead flowers ... Oh. Forgive me. My name was Spenser. Elliott Spenser. Captain. -Well done. Brave girl. You've probably never shaken hands with a ghost before, am I right? Captain Spenser. Elliott. I ... What the Hell is going on? -Captain Spenser. Elliott. I ... What the Hell is going on? Hell is precisely what is going on, Joey. And we have to stop it. I because of a special obligation, you because you're the only person who can help. And because you know what is right, and just, and true. Will you walk with me a while? -The war pulled poetry out of some of us. Others it affected differently. This is me a few years later. We're in India, by the way, and it's 1921. I was like many survivors. Lost souls with nothing left to believe in but gratification. We'd seen God fail, you see. So many dead. For us God, too, fell at Flanders. We adjusted to the loss. And if we mourned, we mourned in silence. Thousands drank themselves to death. Others went further. I went further. I thought I was a lost soul. But, until this frozen moment, I didn't even know what the phrase meant. And what is ... this frozen moment? -And what is ... this frozen moment? The cusp of my life. What I was, what I am, what I will be ... past, present, future, all bound here at this timeless moment of decision. I was an explorer of forbidden vices and pleasures. Opening the Box was my final act of exploration, of discovery. -The cusp of my life. What I was, what I am, what I will be ... past, present, future, all bound here at this timeless moment of decision. I was an explorer of forbidden vices and pleasures. Opening the Box was my final act of exploration, of discovery. And what did you discover? -Something bad. And why are you back? Why are we here? -Kirsty Cotton. Yes. But ... if your soul was freed, why are you back? Because - monster as I was - I was bound by Laws. The protocol of Hell. The Box had to be opened to let me out. The truly innocent were safe. That's no longer true. The shell of the beast has been fleshed. What I was is out there, Joey. In your world. Unbound. Unstoppable. -Because - monster as I was - I was bound by Laws. The protocol of Hell. The Box had to be opened to let me out. The truly innocent were safe. That's no longer true. The shell of the beast has been fleshed. What I was is out there, Joey. In your world. Unbound. Unstoppable. What will he do? What does he want? -What will he do? What does he want? He'll do what he does best. But he'll do it unfettered. He wants to walk the Earth forever, indulging his taste for all the myriad subtleties of human suffering. -He'll do what he does best. But he'll do it unfettered. He wants to walk the Earth forever, indulging his taste for all the myriad subtleties of human suffering. What can we do? -I like you, Joey. You ask all the right questions. There is something we can do but it will require great courage. I don't know ... -Joey, you walked through your window from one reality to another. You're stronger than you think. Then tell me what to do. -Then tell me what to do. This is his first night on Earth. He wants to close the door behind him. Like all Lieutenants, he covets command. There's a gateway to Hell through which he can be taken back. He has to destroy it. -This is his first night on Earth. He wants to close the door behind him. Like all Lieutenants, he covets command. There's a gateway to Hell through which he can be taken back. He has to destroy it. So where is it? -So where is it? Your apartment. -Wha .... ? The Box, Joey. He wants the Box. -It was off the statue. In the club. What happened to him? -Hold on. Hold on, please. I need talk to you. It's nothing to do with me. I wasn't even with him. -Look, lady! I told you! It's not my problem! I was just there! Where? -Under The Underground. Can I like GO now?! Under the Underground? What's that? Where is ... -Uh-huh? Uh ... Hi! Is this ... er ... Joanne Summerskill? -Uh ... Hi! Is this ... er ... Joanne Summerskill? Joey. Yeah, who is this? -You like ... left me a card? At the club? Right. Right! -Right ... So ... Well, what do you want? I want to talk to you. We met ... now, listen, don't hang up, OK? ... We met at the hospital last night. -I want to talk to you. We met ... now, listen, don't hang up, OK? ... We met at the hospital last night. Oh yeah. Yeah. Well ... Look, I'll make a deal with you ... My boyfriend threw me out, right? I'll trade you. You give me couch-space. I'll give you talk. OK? -Yeah. Sure. You mean ... tonight? Of course tonight. Is that a problem? Like, if you've got a guy there or something ... -Of course tonight. Is that a problem? Like, if you've got a guy there or something ... No. No. It's fine. Come now. I was having bad dreams anyway. -I put some decaf on. Er ... make yourself comfortable. Right. -What? Your dream. You said you were having a bad dream. -Your dream. You said you were having a bad dream. Oh yeah ... -... well, I've been having it for years. It's not a nightmare or anything. It's ... well, I know what it is. What is it? -What is it? Why are you so interested? -Why are you so interested? Sorry. -Sorry. No. No, it's OK. I ... It's my father. -No. No, it's OK. I ... It's my father. Oh, right. Did he used to ... ? -Oh, right. Did he used to ... ? God, no! Nothing like that. No, he died before I was born. He died in Vietnam. I never knew him. Never met him. We don't even know the details. I dream of battlefields. Of searching. Of trying to find out. -God, no! Nothing like that. No, he died before I was born. He died in Vietnam. I never knew him. Never met him. We don't even know the details. I dream of battlefields. Of searching. Of trying to find out. That's great. -That's great. What? -What? No ... I mean, it's not like great about your dad or anything. It's just I don't dream. Never have. ... Maybe it'd help if I slept sometime ... Just kidding ... No, so it's always neat for me to hear about dreams. I'm jealous. It's like everybody has another world except me. You know what I mean? -No ... I mean, it's not like great about your dad or anything. It's just I don't dream. Never have. ... Maybe it'd help if I slept sometime ... Just kidding ... No, so it's always neat for me to hear about dreams. I'm jealous. It's like everybody has another world except me. You know what I mean? I know what you're saying but ... Never? You've never had a dream? No, you know, you do. You must. What you mean is you don't remember them. -Great. Thanks. You gonna have one? I'm trying to quit. -I'm trying to quit. Oh, go on. Have one. Fuck it. You think you're going to live forever? -Sorry. It was my father's. It's temperamental. It's okay. It's just someone burned me once. -Oh. You wanna talk about that stuff. Yes I do. Terri, something awful happened to that boy. I have to find out what it was. -Yes I do. Terri, something awful happened to that boy. I have to find out what it was. But I don't know anything! Really. I just came out of the club and the kid was already in the street. He ... -But I don't know anything! Really. I just came out of the club and the kid was already in the street. He ... Did you know him? -Did you know him? No. I'd seen him in there a few times before. He was just a punk. I'd never like danced with him or anything. Anyway, he was a thief. He must've taken it from the statue. -No. I'd seen him in there a few times before. He was just a punk. I'd never like danced with him or anything. Anyway, he was a thief. He must've taken it from the statue. Taken what? -Taken what? The thing! He was lying there in the street, moaning. But he pointed at it ... 22 -The thing! He was lying there in the street, moaning. But he pointed at it ... 22 Wait a minute. He was already ... wounded ... when you found him? -Wait a minute. He was already ... wounded ... when you found him? Yeah! That's what I'm saying! And it was lying next to him. And he pointed at it before he passed out and ... -Yeah! That's what I'm saying! And it was lying next to him. And he pointed at it before he passed out and ... Wait. Wait. The chains. Where did the chains come from? -Wait. Wait. The chains. Where did the chains come from? That's what I'm trying to tell you! ... -I figured I'd make breakfast. Right ... That's ... er ... that's nice of you, Terri. Can I ask? Is it always this ... exploratory? -Right ... That's ... er ... that's nice of you, Terri. Can I ask? Is it always this ... exploratory? Ha! I don't know yet. First time. Kitchen virgin, that's me. -I'll boil some water. I'll do it! -I'll do it! No! No, that's OK. I like to. I love boiling water. It's a specialty of mine. Why don't you go watch cartoons? -This is great. And it's yours? You like own it? The bank owns it. But I'm working on it. -The bank owns it. But I'm working on it. Jeez, I've never owned anything. I haven't even had a room of my own since I was fifteen years old. -How have you ... ? Guys. Sometimes friends. Mostly guys. -Wow. Lotta books. You read all these? No. I buy them to impress people. Of course I've read them. -No. I buy them to impress people. Of course I've read them. Cool. I read a book once. It was like all these people discovering who they used to be. You know, like reincarnation? It was really good. You ever read that? -Cool. I read a book once. It was like all these people discovering who they used to be. You know, like reincarnation? It was really good. You ever read that? I don't think so. But it's a fascinating subject. Did you ... -... but it is good. You know, over to the left, you can ... Who's that? -I don't know his name ... I saw the whole story. A wounded bird was on his roof. I could hear its cries from here. He went straight to it. I couldn't've. I'd be frozen between pity and fear. But he wasn't. Its pain spoke directly to him. He picked it up. Nursed it. Fed it. And it got better. Everyday he'd watch the pigeon. Everyday the pigeon would watch him. I saw him learn. Learn that there was one more thing he had to do to make the rescue complete. And one day, just as afternoon became evening, he leaned over, opened the cage, and walked away. Didn't look back. But he heard the sound of its wings. And he still sits there? -And he still sits there? Every day. -Every day. Maybe he thinks it'll come back. -Maybe he thinks it'll come back. No. He knows it won't. It was his final act of love and part of him knows that and part of him doesn't yet. -But I don't know what's going on. Maybe not. But you know more than I do. You know something about this box. Something about a statue? -Maybe not. But you know more than I do. You know something about this box. Something about a statue? Yeah. I found it. I knew held like it and I figured ... -Yeah. I found it. I knew held like it and I figured ... Woah. Wait a minute. Who? The kid? -Woah. Wait a minute. Who? The kid? No. JP. My last boyfriend? He like owns the club. You know? You were there? He bought the statue. -No. JP. My last boyfriend? He like owns the club. You know? You were there? He bought the statue. That you found. What do you mean you found it? -I was downtown looking for a ... a friend. A guy I know. Anyway, there was this store. Like real old? Lotsa weird shit in there. I saw this statue. Pillar. Thing. I knew he'd love it. You've seen the club. Would you know this store again? -Would you know this store again? Sure. Why? -Sure. Why? It's Saturday morning. Let's go shopping. -Jesus. Are you sure this is the street? Yeah. Happening, isn't it? -Yeah. Happening, isn't it? What on earth were you doing down here? -Terri? Buying some drugs, alright? -Buying some drugs, alright? Oh, Terri ... -For somebody else, alright? Not for me. I don't do that shit anymore. Then you shouldn't even be around it. You know, it's ... -Then you shouldn't even be around it. You know, it's ... Here! Here! Pull over! -What am I looking for? God knows. Anything. Contacts. Clues. -Joey ... ? Help me pick 'em up, Terri. I think the lady just made a sale. -No. Sorry. Not interested. Not for my customers. Have you tried ... No. No, you don't understand. We're not selling it. It came from here. We want ... -No. No, you don't understand. We're not selling it. It came from here. We want ... Everything sold as is. No guarantees. No returns. -Everything sold as is. No guarantees. No returns. No. We want ... -No. We want ... I took back everything bought on a whim, I'd have no business. I ... -Never mind. I'm glad it's gone. Made the store feel strange. Who'd make such a thing? Fine. Fine. But can you tell us anything about it? -Fine. Fine. But can you tell us anything about it? It was part of a job-lot. Some loony- bin they shut down. Unclaimed stuff. -It was part of a job-lot. Some loony- bin they shut down. Unclaimed stuff. What else came with it? Anything still here? -What else came with it? Anything still here? Sure. Just papers, photos. Stuff nobody'd ever want. -Sure. Just papers, photos. Stuff nobody'd ever want. Can we see? -Can we see? You gonna buy? -You gonna buy? I don't know. Maybe. -I don't know. Maybe. Right at the back there. Middle shelves. Coupla folders. Nice stuff. I'd do you a good price. -Welcome. 38 You're JP Monroe, right? -You're JP Monroe, right? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. And this is your club. Great club. I really love it here. Great club. -And this is your club. Great club. I really love it here. Great club. Thank you. -Thank you. Thank you for the drink. And the rose. Wow. That's ... really nice. -Thank you for the drink. And the rose. Wow. That's ... really nice. It's yours. You won it. It's a prize. -It's yours. You won it. It's a prize. A prize? For what? -A prize? For what? You see, everyday I have my friend John here bring ... -You see, everyday I have my friend John here bring ... The barman? I thought he was called Rick? -The barman? I thought he was called Rick? He's a barman. Whatever. Do you mind if I continue? -He's a barman. Whatever. Do you mind if I continue? I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Everyday I have my friend Rick here bring a newly-cut red rose in with him and keep it behind the bar. And I award it to a woman of exceptional beauty. -Everyday I have my friend Rick here bring a newly-cut red rose in with him and keep it behind the bar. And I award it to a woman of exceptional beauty. Oh come on. There're lots of girls here who look better than ... -Oh come on. There're lots of girls here who look better than ... Don't do that! Don't put yourself down. If you have a quality, be proud of it... -... Let it define you. Whatever it is. Most of the roses die behind the bar. This is the first I've given out for nearly a month. No. Really? -Yes really. Wow. Thank you. -Wow. Thank you. No. Thank you. -Do you mind me talking about your stuff? Unh-unh. -It doesn't bother me. I'm just not interested. Oh. Like I'm not an interesting person. -But you gave me a rose ... And tomorrow I'll give one to somebody else. Get dressed. Get out. -And tomorrow I'll give one to somebody else. Get dressed. Get out. You shit. Who do you think you are? -You shit. Who do you think you are? I'm JP Monroe, you stupid little bitch. Now get the fuck out of my life. -I'm JP Monroe, you stupid little bitch. Now get the fuck out of my life. You ... I can't fucking believe you, you bastard! You get me in here ... -You ... I can't fucking believe you, you bastard! You get me in here ... Right. Like you were hog-tied or something. -What ... What ... ? What did you see? The same as I. Appetite sated. Desire indulged. You saw the working of the world in miniature. -That had nothing to do with the world. Not this one, anyway. On the contrary. It has everything to do with the world. And our dreams of how it will succumb to us. You enjoyed the girl? -On the contrary. It has everything to do with the world. And our dreams of how it will succumb to us. You enjoyed the girl? Yes. -Yes. Good. So did I. And that's all ... -Good. So did I. And that's all ... No! No. It's not the same ... I ... No. What you did ... it was ... evil. -I understand. Their fortune was so tempting, their affection so conditional. What else could you do? Fuck you! -Don't flee from yourself. If you have a quality, let it define you. Cultivate it. It is you. By helping me, you will help yourse... What!? What are you talking about? Why should I help you? -What!? What are you talking about? Why should I help you? Because you want to. You've always wanted to. Look at your pictures. Look at your sculptures. Look at those tawdry representations and then ... Imagine. Imagine a world of the body as canvas. The body as clay. Your will and mine as the brush and the knife. Oh, I have such sights to show you. -A dark star rising. I was bound to another's system by a soul I once possessed. A friend relieved me of that inconvenience. Now I'm free. Born again of Blood and Desire. Hey, that's what makes the world go round. -You see, we're not so dissimilar. But how in God's name ... -But how in God's name ... God? My God was diamond and black light. And I was his Dark Pope. All that is changed. A terrible beauty is born. With a place at my right hand for a man of your tastes. -How do we start? It has already begun. -Joey? Not quite. -Not quite. JP? -JP? Live and in the flesh. How're you doing, babe? -Live and in the flesh. How're you doing, babe? What do you want? -Yeah right. How'd you get this number? Will you relax? Your little girlfriend left a card, remember? -Will you relax? Your little girlfriend left a card, remember? Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Well ... I'm fine. Things are great here. Joey's going to get me a job at the TV station. I'm meeting lotsa new people. It's really great. -Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Well ... I'm fine. Things are great here. Joey's going to get me a job at the TV station. I'm meeting lotsa new people. It's really great. Really? -Really? Yeah really. I'm ... -Yeah really. I'm ... No. I mean, really? Because I'm concerned for you, sweetheart. I care about you. I guess I miss you. I'm sorry we split up. I'm sorry I ... -No. I mean, really? Because I'm concerned for you, sweetheart. I care about you. I guess I miss you. I'm sorry we split up. I'm sorry I ... You're apologizing? -You're apologizing? Hey, it has been known. C'mon Terri, I'm not that bad a guy. I have regrets. I'd like to put things right. Don't tell me you haven't thought about me. Huh? -Hey, it has been known. C'mon Terri, I'm not that bad a guy. I have regrets. I'd like to put things right. Don't tell me you haven't thought about me. Huh? Well ... of course I have. I've thought. I've ... Oh, JP, you were so horrible. You really hurt me ... -Well ... of course I have. I've thought. I've ... Oh, JP, you were so horrible. You really hurt me ... I know. I know. It's bad. I'm a bad person. But I try not to be, Terri. I really do. And I really miss you. -I know. I know. It's bad. I'm a bad person. But I try not to be, Terri. I really do. And I really miss you. I miss you too. -I miss you too. That's so good to hear, sweetheart. It really is. You know, I .. are you alone? -That's so good to hear, sweetheart. It really is. You know, I .. are you alone? Yes. 53 -Yes. 53 Good ... Good ... Look, why don't you come over? You know, nothing heavy, little drink maybe, little talk. Just see how we both feel? -Good ... Good ... Look, why don't you come over? You know, nothing heavy, little drink maybe, little talk. Just see how we both feel? Oh, I don't ... -Oh, I don't ... C'mon. It'll be great. -Not quite. This wasn't here. No. But, as you can see, I'm having some work done on it. You found a real treasure for me, Terri. I hope I can show you how grateful I am. -No. But, as you can see, I'm having some work done on it. You found a real treasure for me, Terri. I hope I can show you how grateful I am. Yeah ... yeah, it looks different. -Yeah ... yeah, it looks different. Yeah, a girl I know helped smarten it up. Put her heart and soul into it. -Yeah, a girl I know helped smarten it up. Put her heart and soul into it. A girl? Anyone I should know? -A girl? Anyone I should know? Not now, no. I mean - now that you're here, it's like she doesn't even exist, you know what I mean? -Yeah right. Look ... Terri, listen. Why don't you come here and kiss me? I mean, it's probably ticking away in both our minds, right? Is it going to happen? Isn't it going to happen? Let's get it out of the way. See how we feel. Then we can relax. Talk. You know. -I don't think so. Not yet. I'm not ready yet. Sure. Sure. I understand. It's cool. I mean, we've got all night. -That's terrible. What a bitch. She was obviously just using you, Terri. Ready to dump you the second she had what she needed, interfering little whore. No. It isn't ... she wouldn't ... It's like I must have done something wrong, you know? Freaked her out. Just fucked up something good again. -No. It isn't ... she wouldn't ... It's like I must have done something wrong, you know? Freaked her out. Just fucked up something good again. Hey, you didn't fuck it up with me. You know that. It was my fault, babe, it really was. And you know I'm sorry. And I'm sorry to see you upset now. I hate to see you in pain like this. -Really? Yes! God, yes. I ... I just want to hug you. To hold you. To tell you it's alright. -Oh thank God, you're dead... It was so beautiful! When the blanks went off, they... -You're saying you want us to beat them to the crystal and save the world from financial disarray. Something like that. -Something like that. Well, forget about it. Hawk and I are going to Rio. We're hurt, we're tired, and a hero ain't nothing but a sandwich. Right, buddy?... -Well, forget about it. Hawk and I are going to Rio. We're hurt, we're tired, and a hero ain't nothing but a sandwich. Right, buddy?... Hudson, God's given you a gift for cat burglary, you can t just... -That was beautiful. I laughed, I cried. -The security's actually not that severe. It doesn't have to be. Everybody knows that if you mess with the Kremlin, you'll end up in a Siberian gulag eating your own fingernails. -Delivery Entrance. Low Security. Gum. -Eighth room down, babe... Guards come exactly every three minutes.... -That's the first thing I did. Smooch the ground and taste the freedom. Sorry I was late. Miss anything? Your timing, and your shoes, are impeccable... Good to see you, Alex, been having a lousy day. -Your timing, and your shoes, are impeccable... Good to see you, Alex, been having a lousy day. Lousy day? The man's getting out of prison and he's having a lousy day. What, you missing out on the Cell Block Water Ballet pageant? Believe me, it's overrated. -Looks like you've been expanding your... Don't say it, Hawkins. I'm incredibly sensitive about my fucking figure. -Don't say it, Hawkins. I'm incredibly sensitive about my fucking figure. "My next word was gonna be ""consciousness."" Swear to God... tubby." -"That's your definition of ""Hard?""" "Show off. Hey, boss tune. ""Come Fly with Me.""" -"Show off. Hey, boss tune. ""Come Fly with Me.""" Three minutes, 51 seconds. -Three minutes, 51 seconds. Still do the puzzles, still know the running times of songs, and I'll bet you're still the best damn cat burg-- -Still do the puzzles, still know the running times of songs, and I'll bet you're still the best damn cat burg-- Not anymore. Now I'm the laziest damn cat burg--I'm going to take it so straight that I won't tape a Mets game without the expressed written consent of the National Baseball League. -Not anymore. Now I'm the laziest damn cat burg--I'm going to take it so straight that I won't tape a Mets game without the expressed written consent of the National Baseball League. Now that you're born again,what do you wanna do? Statue of Liberty? Entertain some ladies? Miss Saigon tix? Seduce some women? Play Nintendo? Bone some chicks? -Now that you're born again,what do you wanna do? Statue of Liberty? Entertain some ladies? Miss Saigon tix? Seduce some women? Play Nintendo? Bone some chicks? Come on, Alex, let's just get to Alex's. Your bar's the only place that's going to cheer me. God, I'd kill for a damn cappuccino. What the hell's a Nintendo? -Come on, Alex, let's just get to Alex's. Your bar's the only place that's going to cheer me. God, I'd kill for a damn cappuccino. What the hell's a Nintendo? Oh man, you still got a thing for those unmasculine European coffees? Who's your buddy? -So Mr. Coffee, what went down outside the prison? Oh, not much. Mario Brothers want me to do a job. -Those dago-guinea-I can say this shit I'm Italian-wop motherfu-- Ah, had the perfect amount of foam. Just get me to the bar... It's the one good thing in my life that'll never change.... -"I didn't know how to tell you. A couple brokers stopped in for Stoley Spritzers one night. Next thing I know Fast Track Digest votes us ""Watering Hole of the Month."" Now, I'm shopping for Aqua Salmon wallpaper." I read about these people in Newsweek. Where's all the regulars, Crazy Jeff Cava, the Todd sisters, Indian Joe? Where's Ed Kranepool's autograph? Captain Bob's steering wheel? -I read about these people in Newsweek. Where's all the regulars, Crazy Jeff Cava, the Todd sisters, Indian Joe? Where's Ed Kranepool's autograph? Captain Bob's steering wheel? Hey, get this irritable guy a cappuccino. I gotta go be a boss. -Alex, did you know this ape was going to be here... Sure. That's why his meatballs are made out of marinated Chuck Wagon. -Hmmmm..... Yo Pandora, quit hummm-ing... look at this. -It's Captain Bob's steering wheel! Remember when the Captain..... Hmmm, nasty little safe on the 7th. -The safe's a Simpson 71. Last time I played the game, Simpson only had a 40. Just means it'll take you an extra 31 seconds to seduce. You re still the best, I know it. -Just means it'll take you an extra 31 seconds to seduce. You re still the best, I know it. But you got three guards who... Shit, what am I doing? Where's the want ads? Gonna sell some spatulas. -But you got three guards who... Shit, what am I doing? Where's the want ads? Gonna sell some spatulas. Hey, I'm sorry, man. I'm putting out a fire with kerosene. -This isn't funny. I'm not into this. I... There goes five seconds...My record's eighteen. -There goes five seconds...My record's eighteen. You're not...LISTENING! -I'm sorr--Goddamn Mario Brothers. Goddamn Gates. Goddamn Rutherford Auction House. By the way, how many seconds? Rutherford Auction... that name... -Alex! "Don't wet your diapers. I'll have to change them. ""Witchcraft."" What's the running time?" -Whoa, you better cut a bigger hole than that. Hey, you promised......Don't worry, I'm wearing my girdle. -Cameras? No need. Guards' station's right there. -They record everything their video surveillance takes in... Yes, master-thief, I can see that. You said something about a plan... -You got about five minutes and change. "5:32. ""Swinging on a Star.""" -"5:32. ""Swinging on a Star.""" You know they invented something while you were inside. Called a watch. -"""A mule is an animal with long funny ears.""" """He kicks up at anything he hears." -"""He can't write his name or read a book. To fool people is his only thought.""" """And though he's slippery, he still gets caught.""" -"""And all the monkeys aren't in the zoo.""" """Every day you meet quite a few.""" -"The song's over! Come on! ""You could be swinging on a star.""" What am I doing here? There are so many things I wanna do that aren't this. Paint a lighthouse. Kiss a woman in Italy. -What am I doing here? There are so many things I wanna do that aren't this. Paint a lighthouse. Kiss a woman in Italy. """You could be swinging on a star.""" -"""You could be swinging on a star.""" Paint a woman in a lighthou--I don't want to steal a horse. Life is... -Did I miss anything? Oh, not much. Gates just had his tonsils taken out. The hard way. -Oh, not much. Gates just had his tonsils taken out. The hard way. Geez, Gates was killed. Who do we send the thank you note to? -The Butler did it. Guy was a cross between Alistair Cook and a Cuisinart. Dude took Mr. Ed and humptied dumptied it over Gates's head. He said it was made by, get this, Leonardo.. "Ah yes, a rare Renaissance piece. Da Vinci's ""Sforza,"" an equestrian model of a never executed statue. I consider it to be the prize of tonight's auction of objets d'equestrian. Horse things." -Okay, you got me, Mr. PBS. "Morning edition. Seems two thieves ""attempted"" to steal it last night, but thanks to three ""courageous"" guards, it will be ready for tonight." -"Morning edition. Seems two thieves ""attempted"" to steal it last night, but thanks to three ""courageous"" guards, it will be ready for tonight." """Attempted."" At-tempt-ted! I'm not happy about having to steal that horse, but I do have my pride. Face it, when it comes to burglary, and sex, I...." -Boing. Uh, this I don t understand... Why try? -Why try? Because I'm tired of not understanding things. Cops, Mafia, and butlers forcing me to bust my ass to steal something, which it turns out I really didn't steal--it's fucked up. -Because I'm tired of not understanding things. Cops, Mafia, and butlers forcing me to bust my ass to steal something, which it turns out I really didn't steal--it's fucked up. You re not thinking of going to... -You re not thinking of going to... Alex, my man, it's time to play a little offense. Where's your tux? -You bastard. You fucked my freedom for a lousy job. But I said I was sorry.... -But I said I was sorry.... No sweat, Alex, you only made the biggest mistake of my life. What was your per-diem? -No sweat, Alex, you only made the biggest mistake of my life. What was your per-diem? Don't act like you've never committed a crime before, Hawkins? I know, I made call, when Anna tracked me down I... -Rio, Alex? After all they've done to...Hey, these tickets are for Moscow! Damn travel agency. That Kremlin thing is in Moscow, isn't it? -We're going in from the ground floor. Geez, this Art Treasures Room looks like a burnt diaphragm. -"Shwoof, that makes me feel better. I can't believe this is the Iron Curtain. All the guy at Airport customs wanted to know was ""Who Shot J.R.?""" You sound disappointed. -You sound disappointed. Yeah, I mean, come on, going through the Iron Curtain is supposed to be crawling underneath barbed wire, it's supposed to be strangling a guard... -Count of three? Why not just go now? -Why not just go now? Okay. -"""Oh, we ain't got a barrel of money." """Maybe we're ragged and funny.""" -Now that's a lock. Don't worry, we'll get it... -"""Oh this lock is a pain in the bu-utt""" """How'd we ever get such in a ru-utt""" -That was close.... Anna, I think you better stay.... -Anna, I think you better stay.... You can be lookout!..... Take Alex's gun. -"""We all had our quarrels and parted...""" """But we'll be the same as we started..." -I'm a ghost. Boo. I don't want to sound immature, but we were here first... -Alex, are you.... I can't believe you didn't notice. My weight. I lost ten pounds in Rome -I can't believe you didn't notice. My weight. I lost ten pounds in Rome You're a reed, man. I gotta get Anna. Hang in there... -Get 'em. They went down the hallway. Let's just forget it, I mean... -Let's just forget it, I mean... Get em.... -Ta ta, Hudson Hawk. Too-do-loo, babe. -Welcome to Rome, sir. Yes way. -My life is not some deal. I... It's Boston, Mr. Mayflower. -Welcome back to Vinci. Last rites, sister? -How. You're unemployed, Alfie. Boss is dead. Her plan is over. -You're unemployed, Alfie. Boss is dead. Her plan is over. My plan is just beginning. I'll forgive you for denying me the pleasure of slaughtering my boorish employers, but I'm afraid the birth of the new British Empire can have no witnesses! -My plan is just beginning. I'll forgive you for denying me the pleasure of slaughtering my boorish employers, but I'm afraid the birth of the new British Empire can have no witnesses! Ooh-kay... -Don't you just hate kids... George, you promised. No Old CIA/ New CIA jokes... -George, you promised. No Old CIA/ New CIA jokes... I call them the MTV.I.A. Punks think Bay of Pigs is an herbal tea. They think the Cold War involves penguins and... -Grapple, Biker's bottle, hairspray, black turtleneck, Pocket Fisherman, acid, collapsible yardstick, softball, and 72 stamps. Gee Stud, this is going to be some date. No Harvey's Bristol Cream? Snickers, make the list happen. Oh and it's one thing to play hide and seek with the Mayflower's pathetic staff, but we're sore losers. I've put jumper cables on the nipples of children and not always in the line of duty. -With all due respect to that great blouse, why didn't I cut out her heart? Close call, but she's our only way of keeping tabs on that damn mysterious Vatican organization. Hawk, it's time to go to the principal's office.... -Lucky for us, the Da Vinci is located in a wing of the Kremlin that they used to throw the Miss Ukraine pageant and stuff. It'll have the least number of guards.... As for our plan of action, anybody'd be insane to go in from the ground floor... -Come on, Pierre, Steak-bur-ger, Fren-n-ch Fries. This is France, you gotta have French..... Actually we're in Italy, Snickers, she said as if it made a difference. -"Italy, France, Moscow. They all just wanna be Nebraska. Old Man Kaplan thinks since Communism is dead, we got nothing to do. Man, Democracy isn't free elections. We gotta teach the world that Democracy is Big Tits, College Football on Saturdays, Eddie Murphy saying the word ""Fuck"" and Kids putting their hands down garbage disposals on ""America's Funniest Home Videos.""" Damn baby, when's the last time you had a vacation...Jesus, I gotta get out of this job. If my Mom knew her daughter assassinated the leader of the anti-Apartheid movement.... -Damn baby, when's the last time you had a vacation...Jesus, I gotta get out of this job. If my Mom knew her daughter assassinated the leader of the anti-Apartheid movement.... Quit bitching, you got the employee of the month plaque for that shit...Ah to be in Pari-is and in love. -This is the room above the Art Treasures room. The lock is a Natalya Z-Z, first created... Snickers, baby, I love you like a brother, but really, who cares? Silencer bomb... -What the hell.... You're supposed to be dead! -Did he mention the Mayflowers? No, your Eminence. I think he's going to steal the Codex, as early as next week. -No, your Eminence. I think he's going to steal the Codex, as early as next week. Attempt, you mean. The vanity of this man, Hudson Hawk. The Vatican has foiled the advances of Pirates and Terrorists. We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey. Must you flirt with him so realistically? -Attempt, you mean. The vanity of this man, Hudson Hawk. The Vatican has foiled the advances of Pirates and Terrorists. We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey. Must you flirt with him so realistically? "That's the best kind. A wise woman once said ""Polite conversation is rarely either.""" -"That's the best kind. A wise woman once said ""Polite conversation is rarely either.""" Let me be the one to quote Scripture. ....As an agent of our organization, you are put in awkward situations. Just remember, Hudson Hawk is an evil, evil man. -Let me be the one to quote Scripture. ....As an agent of our organization, you are put in awkward situations. Just remember, Hudson Hawk is an evil, evil man. Yeah. The big E. -Hit me with your best shot. I betrayed a man. A good man. An innocent man. A thief. -I betrayed a man. A good man. An innocent man. A thief. Anna, what are you trying to say... -Anna, what are you trying to say... He came into a world where crime is a legitimate business tactic and a legitimate government procedure. But he knew Right and Wrong. Oh, and we kind of messed around... -"""Messed around"" messed around? I know-- I don't want to know. First base? Second Base? Stop me when I'm getting warm..." A little petting is not the issue! -A little petting is not the issue! Sorry. Seventeen Hail Marys and five minutes outside. -You got it. Operation Deflower Mayflower is a bad joke and I'm the punchline. I thought we were using the CIA to help us to get Mayflower, but really the CIA was using me to keep us away from Mayflower. Oh, why couldn't I be the Cardinal in charge of catering.... If the Mayflowers get the three sections of Da Vinci's crystal and his instructions for the gold machine-- Aie-yi--Do we got anything? What of Alex, Hawk's friend, where is his loyalty? -Oh, why couldn't I be the Cardinal in charge of catering.... If the Mayflowers get the three sections of Da Vinci's crystal and his instructions for the gold machine-- Aie-yi--Do we got anything? What of Alex, Hawk's friend, where is his loyalty? I'm going to find out. -I'm going to find out. I'm sorry for losing it back there, but you must remember, sister, you have vows to God as well as a mission to the world. -I'm sorry for losing it back there, but you must remember, sister, you have vows to God as well as a mission to the world. "I know, I know, your Eminence, just say ""God go with me.""" -"I know, I know, your Eminence, just say ""God go with me.""" God go with you, sister. -Oh, the shit is going to hit the fa-- Fantastic. Perfection. The Vatican extends its jealousy to the lucky bidder. -My God, that was bold of you, you didn't have to do that... Forget about it--it was nothing-- anybody would have done the same thing--It's an impulse... -Forget about it--it was nothing-- anybody would have done the same thing--It's an impulse... "No, I meant you didn't have to tackle me and rip my dress. A polite push, perhaps? A clear shout of ""watch out, Anna"" would have done nicely..." -"No, I meant you didn't have to tackle me and rip my dress. A polite push, perhaps? A clear shout of ""watch out, Anna"" would have done nicely..." Excuse me, Milady. I would have flown over and carried you up to a pink cloud, but I left my cape at the cleaners. -Thanks tough guy, thanks a lot. Why was the guard chasing you? Because Danger, Doc, is my middle... -Tough guy. What are you--How's your head. Yes, and my giraffe loves it, too... -As you know, the Da Vinci Codex, has lived in the Vatican for centuries and will continue to live here for centuries more. That's what you theenk. -That's what you theenk. Question, sir? His untiring pen predicted the airplane, the submarine, the bicycle, the helicopter, and even the tank. -Come on, this stuff will knock you out. Have you ever had the feeling you were being followed, Mr. Bond. Never, why do you ask? -Whoa. Name's Hawkins, Eddie Hawkins. My nickname's Hudson Hawk, but don't call me Hudson, not even as a joke. The Nuns at St. Agnes called me that and they're the ones who helped make me what I am today. Not a compliment... Sure Hudson. Are you going to tell me why you did that back there or are you going to blame it on Dumbo? -Sure Hudson. Are you going to tell me why you did that back there or are you going to blame it on Dumbo? Could you believe that crazy elephant? -Whoa, part 2. Does it go to Times Square? Delivers up to ten at night. The Pope has an obsession with his Easter Seals. It's actually not that an unusual set-up. The secret passageway on the other hand.... -Delivers up to ten at night. The Pope has an obsession with his Easter Seals. It's actually not that an unusual set-up. The secret passageway on the other hand.... The Vatican is made of constant mysteries meant to be enjoyed, not explained. -The Vatican is made of constant mysteries meant to be enjoyed, not explained. Nice. But right out of our brochure. -Nice. But right out of our brochure. Oh, you read that. -Oh, you read that. Actually I wrote it. It's a good sentence. It can apply to people. -Actually I wrote it. It's a good sentence. It can apply to people. You're not an unmysterious thang yourself. -You're not an unmysterious thang yourself. I don't steal stuffed elephants from little girls. And I buy my own clothes. My life's a little boring... -I don't steal stuffed elephants from little girls. And I buy my own clothes. My life's a little boring... God, I wish I could say the same thing. What about having a nice, dull dinner with me tonight. Scrabble, Knock-knock jokes, Anecdotes about famous dead Italians.... -God, I wish I could say the same thing. What about having a nice, dull dinner with me tonight. Scrabble, Knock-knock jokes, Anecdotes about famous dead Italians.... I'll bring my entire repertoire... -And I'll bring my entourage... Secret passageways don't mean as much as they used to. There's a place two blocks east of here. Enzo's. Say 10:30. -Secret passageways don't mean as much as they used to. There's a place two blocks east of here. Enzo's. Say 10:30. Said. -Oh Hudson, I was worried you weren't going to drop by.... I never break a date. Scout's honor. -This is bueno. They had the worst ketchup in prison.....uh... Prison? -Prison? I was the Warden? -I was the Warden? How long were you in? -How long were you in? Let's just say, I never saw E.T. -Let's just say, I never saw E.T. "Wow, you were ""in the joint."" ""Doing hard time."" It's funny, but that excites me. I seem to have a thing for sinners." -"Wow, you were ""in the joint."" ""Doing hard time."" It's funny, but that excites me. I seem to have a thing for sinners." I seem to have a thing for sinning. sinning. Check please.... -What have you been doing? Uh....old badminton injury. -tickles, ticKleS, TICKLES. Oh, I'm so sorry... -I'm sorry. I can't. I.... Hey now, outside of a very friendly dog this morning, it's been a slow decade. I don't make love every ten years, I get a little cranky. -Hey now, outside of a very friendly dog this morning, it's been a slow decade. I don't make love every ten years, I get a little cranky. It's also been a long time for me. I-- -Catholic girls are scary... Somebody robbed the Vatican. -Somebody robbed the Vatican. Oh. No. -It's not what you think. Okay, maybe it is.... You really went and did it. With one day, not even a day, of planning, you did it. Nobody does it better, Hudson. You started the week stealing the Sforza and you ended it swiping the Codex. -You really went and did it. With one day, not even a day, of planning, you did it. Nobody does it better, Hudson. You started the week stealing the Sforza and you ended it swiping the Codex. Wha-- -Wha-- What are your plans for the weekend? Hoisting away the Colosseum? Tell me, did the devil make you do it or did Darwin and Minerva Mayflower? -"For two years, I've been tracking the Mayflowers' peculiar interest in three Da Vinci pieces. Their Sforza replica was as fake as the ""gas leak"" that supposedly destroyed it." Does everyone in the world know more than me? Jesus, I'm just some guy who happens to be good at swiping stuff.....Lifted a piece of licorice when I was one and a half. Who knew it would lead... They even got the CIA involved! -Does everyone in the world know more than me? Jesus, I'm just some guy who happens to be good at swiping stuff.....Lifted a piece of licorice when I was one and a half. Who knew it would lead... They even got the CIA involved! The C.I. what? God, no... -The C.I. what? God, no... Ooh, I guess I do know something Here's looking at you, kid... -This doesn't taste like cappuccino. Oh, I must have put too much ethyl-chloride in it. -Hudson, don't you understand... And you, Dr. Cappucino, you're lucky I don't hit women, assuming you are a woman. I'm not taking anything for granted anymore. -And you, Dr. Cappucino, you're lucky I don't hit women, assuming you are a woman. I'm not taking anything for granted anymore. I-work-for-a-covert-Vatican-humanitarian- organization. The-CIA-made-a-fool-of-me. I-care-for-you... -I-work-for-a-covert-Vatican-humanitarian- organization. The-CIA-made-a-fool-of-me. I-care-for-you... Oh. Well, what's this? -Where did you get this? You know, the place where you gave the bad guys the Codex.... the Mayflower Museum. -You know, the place where you gave the bad guys the Codex.... the Mayflower Museum. It's from the machine. All they need is the crystal to run it and they have 2/3 of it already. We can't let that happen. -You better believe I can. I'm sick of people telling me what I have to do. It's that kind of selfish attitude that... -It's that kind of selfish attitude that... Selfish attitude? I'm just some guy who wants a little nap and a cappuccino for when he wakes up, not too much foam... -Selfish attitude? I'm just some guy who wants a little nap and a cappuccino for when he wakes up, not too much foam... "You re not ""some guy"" anymore, Hudson. Right now, you're the only guy. Without your help, I...." -Hey, don't take your disguise so seriously. Uh, yeah. Guess I'm a wee bit nervous. I'm sorry I could only score clergy passports. -Uh, yeah. Guess I'm a wee bit nervous. I'm sorry I could only score clergy passports. Fits my new image. A thief for the masses. This is one job I'm not going to feel guilty about enjoying. Gum. -Oh Hudson... I told you not to call me Hudson. The only people who called me that were the nuns at... -I told you not to call me Hudson. The only people who called me that were the nuns at... Oh Hudson, I'm a sister of the Catholic church as well as an agent. -Oh Hudson, I'm a sister of the Catholic church as well as an agent. This is too bad to be false. -I hope you know what.... Trust Leonardo.... -Trust Leonardo.... Wha..... -Da Vinci made the real directions in a secret script that I decoded. The way the machine is running now, the gold will produce too quickly, clog, and the machine will shut itself down. Isn't it wonderful? Yeah, but what would happen if that little mirror came out of the crystal. -Yeah, but what would happen if that little mirror came out of the crystal. Wha -- you don't want to know... -I wanna know... Holy sh-h--things are going to get very interesting, very fast. Da Vinci would be proud of you. -Have I ever told you the world is beautiful... I'd really like to play Nintendo with you, or something... Hudson, I'm afraid I'm sticking with God. But you're a close second, tough guy. What is that smile? -Hudson, I'm afraid I'm sticking with God. But you're a close second, tough guy. What is that smile? I got my planet back. -Way to go, Anna. When the Mayflowers find out we have the Codex, they're going to want to make a deal... -When the Mayflowers find out we have the Codex, they're going to want to make a deal... And then we'll arrest those greedy pigs... Is that it? -It's the site of their new museum and we're taking it over. Operation Deflower Mayflower is going full speed ahead. "Oh Lord.... the only reason I ask is that Hudson, uh, Mr. Hawk, Hawkins, had some ""neat"" things to say about Darwin, Minerva, and you. Basically that you're part of the same car pool." -"Oh Lord.... the only reason I ask is that Hudson, uh, Mr. Hawk, Hawkins, had some ""neat"" things to say about Darwin, Minerva, and you. Basically that you're part of the same car pool." Anna. Anna. Anna. If that were true, Almond Joy would have handed you your heart right after you handed me the Codex. Now, get some sleep. Kit Kat... -Cat got his tongue? Actually he never told us what it was. -"How many times do I have to say it? I didn't put the hit on Little Eddie... Never had anything against that kooky chimp. I actually found him, ""endearing.""" Sure. Face down. Two endearing shots to the back of the head. That's your mark, man. What did Little Eddie ever do to... -You're hitting Rutherford's Auction House. Easy as my brother's wife. Directions are in the bag. Just open the seventh floor safe and take out the thingie... Or you cut off my thingie. Directions even your brother would understand. -Hawk, you're a great thief. Got set up, did some time, nothing to be ashamed of. Don't give me a sonata about you always just really wanted to settle down, open a hardware Store and sell spatulas... If the Mario brothers weren't Jersey's third largest family, I'd say kiss my ass. But considering your status, I'll say slurp my butt. -What's your favorite sport, Hawk? Baseball, why? -Good job, not pretty, but good. Ah, the mafia, the cops; do I know how to party or what? -Outbid by my own wench, quelle bummere. Poor baby..... Here, Bunny. -Hawkmeister, we got you clothes, great hotel, and a 250,000 lira per diem. That's two hundred dollars a day? So he can get a hooker and some tequila. Veto, Darwin. -We want Da Vinci's sketchbook, what do they call it, the Codex. Listen Hawk, this might be hard to believe, but I'm a regular joe. I just want to be happy and happiness comes from the achieving of goals. It's just when you make your first billion by the age of 19, it's hard to keep coming up with new ones. But now finally I got my new goal. World domination. With your help...Bunny....quit that! -Listen Hawk, this might be hard to believe, but I'm a regular joe. I just want to be happy and happiness comes from the achieving of goals. It's just when you make your first billion by the age of 19, it's hard to keep coming up with new ones. But now finally I got my new goal. World domination. With your help...Bunny....quit that! Bunny, ball-ball! Bad bunny! -Haven't you ever seen, like David Niven? You know tiptoe in, tiptoe out. "Like a ""cat"", one could say." -No, let me! I don't care. -So, Captain Hawk, in one of your paws you got a gold bar worth about 8 thou. In the autre, you got lead that won't get you gelato. Surely a master-thief like you can tell the difference. -Alchemy! Is the business term of the 90's, my man! Minerva read about it in an airline magazine about four years ago. I dumped some lira into research... Shazam, we come across a diary by one of Da Vinci's apprentices detailing La Machine de Oro, the gold machine for those at home, and the rest is about to become history. Money isn't everything, gold is. Fuck blue chip stocks! Fuck T-bills! Fuck Junk Bonds! I got the real deal! Money will always be paper but gold will always be gold! Market crashes. Bomb drops. Greenhouse effect affects. We'll still be the richest, most powerful people in the world. In 1992, Europe is coming together to become one business superpower. It's one party we'd love to poop. -Market crashes. Bomb drops. Greenhouse effect affects. We'll still be the richest, most powerful people in the world. In 1992, Europe is coming together to become one business superpower. It's one party we'd love to poop. Well, that said, the last ingredient in the recipe is in, get this, you're gonna die, the Kremlin. -I look at you Soviet people and I feel... pity... superiority. Most of your life, your government has told you that Capitalism turns people into robots who'd rather eat microwave sushi, naked in the back of a Cadillac than hear the laughter of children. We're here to say, your government was right. -We're here to say, your government was right. So let's get busy. Have some fun and make some deals. -I knew it! I told you it was a fake. That New-York-Italian-Father- made-twenty-bucks-a-week-son- of-a-bitch. What was our bet? A million? -That New-York-Italian-Father- made-twenty-bucks-a-week-son- of-a-bitch. What was our bet? A million? Million five, lover... -For those kind of wages, I could have built the factory in America! They're Vietnamese, can't we just give them more Bart Simpson shirts? I hear depressing news like this and I want to commit genocide! Alfred, hold my calls. So, Hawk! The Hawkster! What do you think of the vehicle? You could host American Bandstand in here. Why did you duck at the auction, asshole? -You could host American Bandstand in here. Why did you duck at the auction, asshole? Because I didn't want to get hurt, taterhead. -So Hawkasaurus, I won't mince words... Whatever. You own Boardwalk, you own Park Place, you own the four railroads. You think you're God. For all I know, you're probably right. I just wanted to have a damn cappuccino, maybe play some Nintendo after I find out what it is. Man, why didn't you just buy the horse? What am I saying, you did buy it... -Whatever. You own Boardwalk, you own Park Place, you own the four railroads. You think you're God. For all I know, you're probably right. I just wanted to have a damn cappuccino, maybe play some Nintendo after I find out what it is. Man, why didn't you just buy the horse? What am I saying, you did buy it... "Oh... Let's see. There are organizations that think we wanted the ""Sforza"" for reasons other than putting it in the Da Vinci museum we're building in Vinci. Hopefully, these organizations think our plan has been ruined with the explosion of our replica. If I seem vague, grand. We want a low profile on this, that's why I got Kaplan and the Candy bars involved. I helped George help the Mario Brothers and Gates help get you out...." -"Oh... Let's see. There are organizations that think we wanted the ""Sforza"" for reasons other than putting it in the Da Vinci museum we're building in Vinci. Hopefully, these organizations think our plan has been ruined with the explosion of our replica. If I seem vague, grand. We want a low profile on this, that's why I got Kaplan and the Candy bars involved. I helped George help the Mario Brothers and Gates help get you out...." "If you're pausing for a ""thank you,"" give it up. So boss, you going to tell me what the crystal piece inside the pony means?" -"If you're pausing for a ""thank you,"" give it up. So boss, you going to tell me what the crystal piece inside the pony means?" Way to go, Alfie! How many people did you break that thing in front of. Good help's hard to find. -Way to go, Alfie! How many people did you break that thing in front of. Good help's hard to find. I guess that's a no. -Come to think of it there is a part of your body that you won't need for your next job... Hey, guys, I've always wanted to sing like Franki Valli and the other seasons, but come on.... -I'll torture you so slowly you'll think it's a career! I'll kill your family, your friends, and the bitch you took to the Prom! You want an address on that last one? -What a pleasant surprise. You're probably wondering... But you're going to tell us anyway... -Have a seat. Good to see you, buddy ol' pal... The pleasure's all yours, Officer Gates. -Why do you show your parole officer such disrespect? Especially after I got you such a nice job. What job? -The auction house, asshole. One night's work and you're free like no ex-con's ever been. No checking in with a shrink, no community service teaching retards how to play air hockey. It's a great deal, I can't lie. The only thing you can't do is get sex for free. I know I was in prison for like basically the 80's, but, call me daffy, aren't you supposed to stop me from committing crimes. You know, Book-em-Dano, Call-for-backup, Give-a-Hoot-Don't-Pollute. -You wouldn't be out if it wasn't for me! I did dog and pony for you! You think they would have let you out after what you did, you told the board members they looked like the Three Stooges... "How was I supposed to know they were women? Besides one of them was bald and kept saying ""Soitinly.""" -Remember that guy in the cell next to you who hung himself? Yes. -Yes. Remember that shoe you lost... -Remember that shoe you lost... Uh, yeah. Cut to the chase. -What else do you got under there ... I don't want to be rude, but this is all pretty lame. That's the beauty. It's bullshit, but I can make it stick because I'm a good guy parole officer and you re a bad guy who's about to find out that there's a thin line between ex-con and escape con. -Hudson Hawkins gets the chair of honor. How about a Gates-arita? I used real hot dogs. Weren't you the bartender at Jonestown? -All this trouble for a horsey. I may not know art, but I know what I like. You certainly do. -You certainly do. So when's that Sebastian-Cabot- Buckingham-Palace-looking- Butlerhead getting here? -Guess I know who wears the penis in this family. For God's sake, chain this convict. -Anybody have a cigarette? But seriously, do me a favor and Concorde me back to prison. I don't care anymore. I hope you have the receipts for the threads. "You go back, you won't be alone. You'll have a diabetic barkeep cellmate. You're still young enough to have fun shanking child molesters for a pack of smokes, but ""Alex"" will go in knowing that the next time he gets out it'll be to attend his own funeral. Depressing." -"You go back, you won't be alone. You'll have a diabetic barkeep cellmate. You're still young enough to have fun shanking child molesters for a pack of smokes, but ""Alex"" will go in knowing that the next time he gets out it'll be to attend his own funeral. Depressing." You wouldn't risk the dime to call the police. You have no proof. -Get away from there, convict! Just browsing. Don't touch me.... -Big girls don't cry-I-eye. Two minutes, 35 seconds. Damnit, I'm involved in this thing, so I just wanna know what this thing is. I wanna be treated as an adult. -Cool, isn't it? Weight, feel, mal1eability, they're all but identical. On the periodic chart of elements, they're but one proton apart. Great minds worked for centuries to turn worthless into priceless. Alchemy. -Sure. The Kremlin. Makes sense. The Kremlin. Why not? Listen, this is all too Indiana Jones and the Lost City of King Tut for me, man. Throw me in jail and go ahead, just try and throw Alex... Jail, you asshole! Our foot soldiers will blow your brains out! Bunny, Ball-Ball! -Bunny, not you too? You've got a dilemma, tiger. I think I know what's going to help you solve it. -I hate a man with a sense of humor. While you corn dogs were comparing the lengths of your masculinity, we obtained the helicopter the new fashioned way: a thoroughly corrupt business deal. If you think you're getting past me... -You killed a friend. Why should I help you go for the gold? It'll take a couple of years of steady production, but I'll flood the market with so much gold that gold itself, the foundation of all finance, will lose its meaning. Brokers, economists, and fellow entrepreneurs will drown in the saliva of their own nervous breakdowns. Markets will crash- crash. Financial Empires will crumble-crumble. -It'll take a couple of years of steady production, but I'll flood the market with so much gold that gold itself, the foundation of all finance, will lose its meaning. Brokers, economists, and fellow entrepreneurs will drown in the saliva of their own nervous breakdowns. Markets will crash- crash. Financial Empires will crumble-crumble. Except yours-yours. The goal of world domination. Well, if you put it that way, Minnie. How can I resist? -Except yours-yours. The goal of world domination. Well, if you put it that way, Minnie. How can I resist? "You can't, convict! You're just a shmoe! Every shmoe has the fantasy the planet revolves around them. It rains, car crash stops traffic, you say ""How could this happen to me?"" It's a natural inclination. But for I, this isn't a fantasy, it is reality! You are on my planet! You walk around the corner for coffee, out of my sight, you do not fucking exist! The lives of shmoes like you have meaning only in relation to the rich, to the powerful, to ME!" -If you pull this off, I can't promise I won't kill you. I mean, who we trying to kid? But I will spare the Flying Nun here.... And to think I thought you were Evil Incarnate in pumps. -And to think I thought you were Evil Incarnate in pumps. I killed some lovable working class Italian-diabetic, but you killed the most significant male figure of the decade and a kind, gentle lover. So don't play with me. -This is the worst night... When it rains, it pours. Name's Snickers. The plane leaves in 40. -You know Kaplan, if you weren't the slimiest pinata of shit that ever lived, I'd feel sorry for you. Good news, bud, the Mayflowers have moved up the time-table. You're hitting the Vatican to-night. -Good news, bud, the Mayflowers have moved up the time-table. You're hitting the Vatican to-night. Tonight? You're whacked. The timing's off, I'm underequipped Damnit, I have a date! -Don't be stupid...they... Bastard! If you were a true American. -Bastard! If you were a true American. Just shut up and hit me! -Damnit, I hate this! I'm a cat burglar! Nobody said anything about this fight-to-the-death shit. Too bad. -Don't I know you... You just might. I'm the guy who tricked you into robbing a government installation and then had you sent to prison for it. At the time, I was bald with a beard, no moustache, and I had a different nose, so if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended. -You just might. I'm the guy who tricked you into robbing a government installation and then had you sent to prison for it. At the time, I was bald with a beard, no moustache, and I had a different nose, so if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended. Bastard, you're going to need another nose! -But I'm not the type of guy to hold a grudge. I used you as a diversion. while you were getting captured upstairs, I was shredding documents in the basement. Deep down, I guess I was just jealous. You were one incredible thief... -I used you as a diversion. while you were getting captured upstairs, I was shredding documents in the basement. Deep down, I guess I was just jealous. You were one incredible thief... To what do I owe the dishonor of a reunion, you centrally intelligent scumsicle. -"I Want to make things up to you. That's why I got you this gig, doll. Hawk, my name's George Kaplan and to quote the late, great Karen Carpenter, ""We've only just begun.""" Three minutes, twenty-three seconds. If you think I'm doing another... -Three minutes, twenty-three seconds. If you think I'm doing another... Hush. My employer wants a meeting. -Hush. My employer wants a meeting. Employer? The president? -Employer? The president? No, somebody powerful. Oh. Look. what's that up there? -No, somebody powerful. Oh. Look. what's that up there? I'm supposed to fall for that? -I'm supposed to fall for that? Shucks. Guess not. -Hawk, Hawk, Hawk. Enjoying Italy? I always had a soft spot for Rome. Did my first barehanded strangulation here. Communist politician. Why George, you big softie... -Why George, you big softie... God, I miss communism. The Red Threat. People were scared, the Agency was respected, and I got laid every night. -Thanks for sharing. We blow up space shuttles for breakfast. You and your friend Alex would be a late afternoon Triscuit. -We blow up space shuttles for breakfast. You and your friend Alex would be a late afternoon Triscuit. If you do anything to my friend... -If you do anything to my friend... Yeah, right. By the way, as long as I'm getting things off my chest, I'm the one who killed your little monkey. Made it look like a Mafia hit. Did it for fun. Ciao. -Can't you see the Mayflowers double-crossed you... They may be scum, but if I get the Da Vinci model back, then we'll be roasting weenies on the beach. -They may be scum, but if I get the Da Vinci model back, then we'll be roasting weenies on the beach. I don't think you'll appreciate their choice of weenie. -"I can't believe this. I'm in fucking Russia, or do I have to say, the fucking Soviet Union and I'm shooting a non-Bolshevick. I never thought I'd say ""I'm just in this job for the money."" Sad. Any last immature quips?" No. But why do you let Butterfinger keep those blood stains on his shirt? -Why does this have to be so hard... Tell me about it... -We'll call it the Flying Donut! The Dancing Dingus! -The Dancing Dingus! The Jerky Circle! -Something short. Sharp. -Sharp. Snappy. -Snappy. With a little jazz. -With a little jazz. The Shazzammeter! -The Shazzammeter! The Hipster! -The Daddy-Oh! The Circle-o'-Gaiety! -The Hoopsucker! The Hudswinger! -The Hudswinger! The Hoop-dee-doo! -The Hoop-dee-doo! The Hudsucker Hoop! -My God, why?! Why did he do it?! Things were going so well! What am I a headshrinker? Maybe the man was unhappy. -What am I a headshrinker? Maybe the man was unhappy. He didn't look unhappy! -Nobody told me! Nobody told me! You sold all of our stock? We dumped the whole load. Now quit showboating, Addison -- -We dumped the whole load. Now quit showboating, Addison -- I had twenty thousand shares! I'd be a millionaire now! -I had twenty thousand shares! I'd be a millionaire now! Sure, sure, we'd all be millionaires. There's no point in looking back. At the time, Stilson thought dumping our position would panic the market, further depress the stock -- then we'd buy it all back, and more of course, once it got cheap -- -Sure, sure, we'd all be millionaires. There's no point in looking back. At the time, Stilson thought dumping our position would panic the market, further depress the stock -- then we'd buy it all back, and more of course, once it got cheap -- Cheap! Cheap! It's never been more valuable! And I'm ruined! Ruined! -Who are you? How did you know who I am? Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. -Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about ever'thing, leastways if it concerns Hudsuckuh. But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? -But -- who are you -- what d'you do here? Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- -Ah keeps the ol' circle turning -- this ol' clock needs plenty o' care. Time is money, Miss Archuh, and money -- it drives that ol' global economy and keeps big Daddy Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya see, without that capital fo'mation -- Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? -Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell anyone about me, will you? I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. -I don't tell no one nothin' lessen they ask. Thatches ain't ole Moses' way. So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. -So if you know everything about Hudsucker, tell me why the Board decided to make Norville Barnes president. Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. -Well, that even surprised ole Moses at fust. I didn't think the Board was that smart. That smart?! -That smart?! But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. -But then I figured it out: they did it 'cause they figured young Norville for an imbecile. Like some othuh people ah know. Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? -Why on earth would they want a nitwit to be president? 'Cause they's little pigglies! They's tryin' to inspire panic, make that stock git cheap so's they can snitch it all up fo' themselves! But Norville, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, he does... -...But I guess you don't really know him any better than that board does, do ya, Miss Archuh? Well, maybe I -- -Well, maybe I -- An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? -An' only some kind a knucklehead thinks she knows things 'bout things she, uh -- when she don't, uh -- How'd that go? It's hardly the same -- -It's hardly the same -- Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? -Why you don't even know y'own self -- you ain't exactly the genuine article are you, Miss Archuh? Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- -Well, in connection with my job, sometimes I have to go undercover as it were -- I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. -I don't mean that! Why you pretendin' to be such a hard ol' sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make you happy! Never made Warin' happy. I'm happy enough. -I'm happy enough. Okay, Miss Archuh. ...I got gears to see to. -Okay, Miss Archuh. ...I got gears to see to. I'm plenty happy! -...Hello? Them po' young folks. Looks like Norville's in fo' the same kind o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But then, she never axed me 'bout dat... -And is this guy from chumpsville?! I pulled the old mother routine -- Adenoids? -Adenoids? Lumbago. -I'm telling you, Smitty, the board of Hudsucker is up to something -- Yeah. -About seven minutes. Yeah, I was all wet about your idea man... Well, thanks for being so generous... It is human, and you are divine... No, he's no faker. He's the 100% real McCoy beware-of- imitations genuine article: the guy is a real moron -- -I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just the patsy and I'm gonna find out what for. There's a real story, Smitty, some kind of plot, a setup, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did I tell ya?! He didn't offer you money. -He didn't offer you money. A sawbuck! -A sawbuck! Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! -Ten dollars? Let's grab a highball! On Norville Barnes! -Ol' satchel-butt... I know they're gonna buy that stock -- --- and she's dynamite! But, Al, it's the bunk! Norville showed me his design for the whatsit the day I met him! Why Buzz couldn't have invented it -- look at the man -- he's an imbecile! -Yeah, and I'll bet his initials are Sidney J. Mussburger! You've lost it, Aim. You've gone soft by the looks of it -- soft on the dummy from Dubuque -- -You've lost it, Aim. You've gone soft by the looks of it -- soft on the dummy from Dubuque -- Muncie! -I'm sorry we had to take the stairs. It was just that horrible little elevator boy... Not at all. You're light as a feather. -Not at all. You're light as a feather. The couch, please. -Hungry, anyway. I don't want to bore you with all the sordid details of my life; it's not a happy story... -What a horrible little person. Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- -Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless, really -- At any rate I arrived in town not ten days ago, full of dreams and aspirations, anxious to make my way in the world -- -A little naive perhaps but -- thank you -- armed with determination, a solid work ethic, and an indomitable belief in the future -- I myself -- -Cigarette? No thank you. Seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper -- these were the watch words of my education, the ethics of my tender years -- --- these were the values that were instilled in me while I was growing up in a little town you've probably never heard of -- Mind if I join you? -You're from Muncie?! Why yes, do you know it? -...A Muncie girl! Talk about the cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy. I'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the Hud. Oh, no, really, I -- -Oh, no, really, I -- Don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. Matter of fact, I know where a vacancy just came up. -Oh, of all the foolish... Listen, do you take shorthand? Are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? Of course -- I went to the Muncie, uh, Secretarial Polytechnic! --- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that! Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- -Well, I just don't know how to thank you, Mr. Barnes -- Please! Norville! -...Did you happen to see the front page of today's Manhattan Argus? Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. -Well, I... didn't bother to read the article. I didn't think the picture did you justice. The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- -The picture was fine! It's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! Of all the irresponsible... Amy, take this down: Dear Miss Archer. I call you 'Miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! How on earth would you know whether I'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! No, change 'guts' to 'courage.' No, make it 'common decency.' These wild speculations about my intelligence -- -- or lack thereof? --- or lack thereof? -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of Amazing Tales Magazine. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! But I doubt it. I most seriously doubt it. As I doubt also that you could find a home at Amazing Tales, a periodical which I have enjoyed for many years. Yours sincerely, et cetera. -Is that all, Mr. Barnes? ...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? -...Well, you know me, Amy, at least better than that that dame does. Do you think I'm an imbecile? I'm sure I -- -I'm sure I -- Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. -Go on, tell the truth; I trust you and I put a lot of stock in your opinion. Well, I -- -Well, I -- Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow Muncian. But would an imbecile come up with this? -...You know! For kids! ...Why don't I just type this up... -...Why don't I just type this up... Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. -Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be necessary. I shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, I guess. Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. -Well, I don't know; maybe she does deserve it. Maybe she should've come in to face you man to man. Well, she probably had a deadline... -Well, she probably had a deadline... Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! -Sure, but -- she could still have gotten your side for the record! Well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. Forget the letter, Amy, I just had to blow off some steam... -Confused? Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. -Yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. Probably is one of the boys, if you know what I mean. I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. -I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. -Yeah, you know. Suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? She's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. Oh, is that it! -Oh, is that it! Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... -Yeah, you know. Probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named Biff or Smoocher or... Smitty. -Smitty. Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? -Exactly. And I bet she's ugly. Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. -Maybe she puts her work ahead of her personal appearance. I bet that's exactly what she tells herself! But you and I both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. Say, how about you and I grab a little dinner and a show after work? I was thinking maybe The King and I -- -...What happened? Oh. Nothing, really, just... the more timid investors are no longer running for cover. -Oh. Nothing, really, just... the more timid investors are no longer running for cover. Let me look. -Sid found me the icepack. Let me hold it, or you'll have a real shiner. -Let me hold it, or you'll have a real shiner. Thanks. People seem to be pretty hot over this imbecile story. -Thanks. People seem to be pretty hot over this imbecile story. ...I'm sorry. -...I'm sorry. Oh, it isn't your fault, Amy. You're the one person who's been standing by me through all this. -Norville... there's something I have to tell you. You see, I'm not really a secretary. I know that, Amy. -I know that, Amy. ...You do? -...You do? I understand that you're not very skilled yet in the secretarial arts. I'm not that skilled as president. Oh sure, I put up a big front -- -- not that everyone's buying it. -I understand that you're not very skilled yet in the secretarial arts. I'm not that skilled as president. Oh sure, I put up a big front -- -- not that everyone's buying it. I believe in you, Norville -- At least I believe in your... intentions -- -I believe in you, Norville -- At least I believe in your... intentions -- Oh, I don't blame them, really. I guess I have sort of made a mess of things. These folks have to protect their investment. Most of them are very nice people -- -Oh, I don't blame them, really. I guess I have sort of made a mess of things. These folks have to protect their investment. Most of them are very nice people -- Norville, you can't trust people here like you did in Muncie... -...Certain people are -- Didja ever go to the top of old man Larson's feed tower and look out over the town? -Didja ever go to the top of old man Larson's feed tower and look out over the town? ...Huh? -...Huh? You know, on farm route 17. -You know, on farm route 17. Oh yes! In Muncie! -Oh yes! In Muncie! No! In Vidalia! Farm Route 17! -No! In Vidalia! Farm Route 17! Uh -- Yes. Seventeen. Yes, I -- well no, I -- I never really... There's a place I go now, the cutest little place near my apartment in Greenwich Village. It's called Ann's 440. It's a beatnik bar. -Uh -- Yes. Seventeen. Yes, I -- well no, I -- I never really... There's a place I go now, the cutest little place near my apartment in Greenwich Village. It's called Ann's 440. It's a beatnik bar. You don't say. -You don't say. Yes, you can get carrot juice or Italian coffee, and the people there -- well, none of them quite fit in. You'd love it -- why don't you come there with me -- they're having a marathon poetry reading on New Year's Eve. I go every year. -Yes, you can get carrot juice or Italian coffee, and the people there -- well, none of them quite fit in. You'd love it -- why don't you come there with me -- they're having a marathon poetry reading on New Year's Eve. I go every year. Every year? -Every year? Well -- this year -- if it's good I plan to make it a tradition. Uh, my it certainly is beautiful -- -...The people look like ants. Well, the Hindus say -- and the beatniks also -- that in the next life some of us will come back as ants. Some will be butterflies. Others will be elephants or creatures of the sea. -Well, the Hindus say -- and the beatniks also -- that in the next life some of us will come back as ants. Some will be butterflies. Others will be elephants or creatures of the sea. What a beautiful thought. -What a beautiful thought. What do you think you were in your previous life, Amy? -What do you think you were in your previous life, Amy? Oh, I don't know. Maybe I was just a fast-talking career gal who thought she was one of the boys -- -Oh, I don't know. Maybe I was just a fast-talking career gal who thought she was one of the boys -- Oh no, Amy, pardon me for saying so but I find that very farfetched. -Oh no, Amy, pardon me for saying so but I find that very farfetched. Norville, there really is something I have to tell you -- -Norville, there really is something I have to tell you -- That kind of person would come back as a wildebeest, or a warthog. No, I think it more likely that you were a gazelle, with long, graceful legs, gamboling through the underbrush. Perhaps we met once, a chance encounter in a forest glade. I must have been an antelope or an ibex. What times we must have had -- foraging together for sustenance, picking the grubs and burrs from one another's coats. Or perhaps we simply touched our horns briefly and went our separate ways... -That kind of person would come back as a wildebeest, or a warthog. No, I think it more likely that you were a gazelle, with long, graceful legs, gamboling through the underbrush. Perhaps we met once, a chance encounter in a forest glade. I must have been an antelope or an ibex. What times we must have had -- foraging together for sustenance, picking the grubs and burrs from one another's coats. Or perhaps we simply touched our horns briefly and went our separate ways... I wish it were that simple, Norville. I wish I was still a gazelle, and you were an antelope or an ibex. -I wish it were that simple, Norville. I wish I was still a gazelle, and you were an antelope or an ibex. Well, can I at least call you deer? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Seriously, Amy, the whole thing is what your beatnik friends call 'karma' -- the great circle of life, death and rebirth. -Yeah, I think I've heard of that. What goes around comes around. That's it. A great wheel that gives us each what we deserve... -Oh, Norville -- Kiss me once, Amy! Kiss me once for luck! -Kiss me once, Amy! Kiss me once for luck! Sure, Norville, sure... -For Pete's sake, Norville! Oh! Hello, Amy -- was it -- I thought she said, Mamie -- -Oh! Hello, Amy -- was it -- I thought she said, Mamie -- Never mind about that... -...You know what those nincompoops in the boardroom are doing? Well, I wouldn't call them nincom -- -Well, I wouldn't call them nincom -- They're going to discharge eight percent of the work force here at Hudsucker. Why, in New York alone that means eighteen hundred people out of work, people with wives and children and families -- -They're going to discharge eight percent of the work force here at Hudsucker. Why, in New York alone that means eighteen hundred people out of work, people with wives and children and families -- Well yes, we're pruning away some of the dead wood, but if -- -Well yes, we're pruning away some of the dead wood, but if -- You mean you know about this? -You mean you know about this? Know about it? You think the Board would do anything like this without my authorization? No, this was my idea from the start. -Know about it? You think the Board would do anything like this without my authorization? No, this was my idea from the start. Your i -- -Your i -- We have to be realistic, Amy. You know things have slowed down a little here at Hudsucker -- -We have to be realistic, Amy. You know things have slowed down a little here at Hudsucker -- You're awful kind to yourself, Norville Barnes -- the fact is you've slowed down, sitting up here like a sultan, not doing a lick of work! Why you know it's ideas that are the lifeblood of industry and you haven't come up with one since the hoop and the reason's plain to see! You've forgotten what made your ideas exciting for you in the first place -- it wasn't for the fame and the wealth and the mindless adulation of -- would you get out of here?! -...I've been watching you, Norville Barnes, even though you've been trying to avoid me -- Now, Aim -- -Now, Aim -- Shutup! -- and don't think I haven't noticed how you've changed. I used to think you were a swell guy -- well, to be honest I thought you were an imbecile -- -Shutup! -- and don't think I haven't noticed how you've changed. I used to think you were a swell guy -- well, to be honest I thought you were an imbecile -- Now, Aim -- -Now, Aim -- Shutup! -- but then I figured out you were a swell guy, a little slow maybe, but a swell guy! Well, maybe you're not so slow, but you're not so swell either and it looks like you're an imbecile after -- -Shutup! -- but then I figured out you were a swell guy, a little slow maybe, but a swell guy! Well, maybe you're not so slow, but you're not so swell either and it looks like you're an imbecile after -- Now, Aim -- -Now, Aim -- Shutup! -- after all! You haven't talked to me for a week and now I'm going to say my piece. I've got a prediction for you, Norville Barnes: I predict that since you've decided to dedicate yourself to greed and sloth and everything bad, you're going to lose all the good things that your good ideas brought you. You're going to throw them all away chasing after money and ease and the respect of a Board that wouldn't give you the time of day if you... if you... -Shutup! -- after all! You haven't talked to me for a week and now I'm going to say my piece. I've got a prediction for you, Norville Barnes: I predict that since you've decided to dedicate yourself to greed and sloth and everything bad, you're going to lose all the good things that your good ideas brought you. You're going to throw them all away chasing after money and ease and the respect of a Board that wouldn't give you the time of day if you... if you... Worked in a watch factory? -Now, Amy -- Consider this my resignation -- -...You son of a -- Norville! -Norville! Huh?! -...Oh, it's you! Lookin' for a nitwit to buy your lunch?! Oh Norville, I -- -Barman! Set'm up, fella! Norville, I'm sorry, I... I tried to tell you... so many times... It's hard to admit when you've been wrong. If you could just... find it in your heart to -- to give me another chance -- -Norville, I'm sorry, I... I tried to tell you... so many times... It's hard to admit when you've been wrong. If you could just... find it in your heart to -- to give me another chance -- Hey! Where's that martini?! -Hey! Where's that martini?! Just give me another chance, Norville -- I can help you fight this thing. I know this last story was a lie! We can prove it! We can -- -Just give me another chance, Norville -- I can help you fight this thing. I know this last story was a lie! We can prove it! We can -- Aww, what's the difference. I'm all washed up... When you're dead, ya stay dead... Hey, fella! -Aww, what's the difference. I'm all washed up... When you're dead, ya stay dead... Hey, fella! Well that just about does it! I've seen Norville Barnes, the young man in a big hurry, and I've seen Norville Barnes the self-important heel, but I've never seen Norville Barnes the quitter, and I don't like it! -I tell ya the guy's a phony. Phony, huh? -Phony, huh? As a three-dollar bill. -As a three-dollar bill. Sez who? -Sez who? Sez me! Amy Archer. Why is he an Idea Man -- because Hudsucker says he is? What're his ideas? Why won't they let anyone interview him?... -...On payday! The only story here is how this guy made a monkey out of you, Al. Yeah, well, monkey or not I'm still editor of this rag. Amy, I thought you were doing that piece on the F.B.I. -- J. Edgar Hoover: When Will He Marry? -Yeah, well, monkey or not I'm still editor of this rag. Amy, I thought you were doing that piece on the F.B.I. -- J. Edgar Hoover: When Will He Marry? I filed it yesterday. -I filed it yesterday. Well, do a follow-up: Hoover: Hero or Mama's Boy? The rest of you bums get up off your brains and get me that Idea Man story! -I can't print this! Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! -Why not, it's all true! The board is using this poor guy! They're depressing the stock so they can buy it cheap! It's pure speculation! Why, they'd have my butt in a satchel! -You don't know anything! Fact is they haven't bought it! The stock is cheap, Archer! What're they waiting for? I don't know... -Muncie. Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. -Whatever. That's what sells newspapers. I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. -I've got an even hotter story -- The Sap from the City Desk. Watch it, Archer -- -Watch it, Archer -- It's about a dimwitted editor who -- -You can't print that! He grins wolfishly. -Archer, you're a broken record. Fact is Gunderson did design it -- apparently he's some kind of prodigy -- Says who?! -Whatever! It's no dig on you, Archer, but this story is hot and you're no longer on top of it. Why, it's the scoop of the century -- the other papers won't have the Gunderson dope 'til tomorrow -- The Allemeinischer Zeitung, Le Figaro, they'll be choking on our dust come mornin' -- You're fools, both of you! It's obvious they're out to crucify Norville! They're trying to destroy him! -You're fools, both of you! It's obvious they're out to crucify Norville! They're trying to destroy him! Amy -- take a break. You've worked hard on this story -- heck, you broke it for us! But it's passed you by and Smith here has taken up the slack. -Just got hired today! Terrific. -Terrific. Ya know, entry level! -Ya know, entry level! Tell me about it. -Tell me about it. I got big ideas, though! -I got big ideas, though! I'm sure you do. -I'm sure you do. For instance, take a look at this sweet baby... -Terrific. So ya see, I won't be in the mailroom long. -So ya see, I won't be in the mailroom long. Nooo, I don't guess you will be. -How long've you been down here? Forty-eight years... -I want a martini! It's New Year's Eve and I want a Martini! Daddy, it's like I been tellin' ya -- -Daddy, it's like I been tellin' ya -- I thought you served misfits here! -Yeah, daddy, that's a roger, but we don't sell alcohol. What kind of bar is it if ya can't get a martini?! -What kind of bar is it if ya can't get a martini?! It's a juice and coffee bar, man, like I been tellin' ya -- -It's a juice and coffee bar, man, like I been tellin' ya -- I want a martini! On this bar, right now! I've had a martini in every bar on the way down here, and I'm not about to -- -I want a martini! On this bar, right now! I've had a martini in every bar on the way down here, and I'm not about to -- Martinis are for squares, man. -What the heck's she doin', Lou? What the heck they doin'? -You know what they're doin' now, Lou. This I know, Benny. -This I know, Benny. This you're familia' with. -...Geez. ...Geez. -...It's the most beautiful t'ing I ever saw. It's the most beautiful t'ing I ever saw. -...What's your pleasure, buddy? Forty-fourth floor, and it's very -- -Forty-fourth floor, and it's very -- Forty-four, the top brass floor say, buddy! What takes fifty years to get up to the top floor and thirty seconds to get down? -Forty-four, the top brass floor say, buddy! What takes fifty years to get up to the top floor and thirty seconds to get down? I -- -I -- Waring Hudsucker! Na-ha-ha-ha-ha! Say, buddy! -Say, buddy! Who's the most liquid businessman on the street? Well, I -- -Well, I -- Waring Hudsucker! Na-ha-ha-ha-ha! Say, buddy! When is the sidewalk fully dressed? When it's 'wearing' Hudsucker! Na-ha-ha-ha! -My pleasure, sir. Roast tom turkey. Gee, I'm hungry too -- -Oh, uh... Buzz... Is it important? I like to think so! It's this little idea I been working on! -...Why, this is worthless. Huh?! But, buddy -- -This is the most idiotic thing I've ever seen in my life! Yeah, but, buddy -- -Yeah, but, buddy -- Nobody wants a hare-brained product like this! Ya see, Buzz, it lacks the creative spark, the unalloyed genius that made, uh... -...say, the hula hoop such a success. But, buddy -- -But, buddy -- And what do you mean barging in here and taking up my valuable time! I've got a company to run here -- -And what do you mean barging in here and taking up my valuable time! I've got a company to run here -- But, buddy, you were -- -But, buddy, you were -- -- I can't have every deadbeat on the Hudsucker payroll pestering me with their idiotic brainwaves! --- I can't have every deadbeat on the Hudsucker payroll pestering me with their idiotic brainwaves! Geez, I'm sorry, buddy -- -Geez, I'm sorry, buddy -- An example must be made! -Wuddya mean, buddy? Fired! You're fired! Is that plain enough for you, buster! -Awwww, buddy -- And don't call me buddy! Out of here! Out! -Aw, please, sir -- this job, it's all I got! Get up! -Get up! I understand if ya don't like the Buzz-Sucker! Just lemme keep my job, I'm prayin' to ya! -I understand if ya don't like the Buzz-Sucker! Just lemme keep my job, I'm prayin' to ya! We don't crawl at Hudsucker Industries! Get out of my office! Leave your uniform in the locker room! -I'm sorry, buddy... I'm sorry... Buzz... off! Ha-ha-ha-ha! --- Uh... Buzz, I'm sorry, I -- Buzz, you gotta forgive me! I shouldn't a fired you, I didn't know what I was doing! I was a little funny in the head, I -- Aw, buddy, I don't care about that. -...You don't? Nah, that's all forgotten. -Nah, that's all forgotten. ...It is? -...It is? Sure, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid said I could have the job back. -Sure, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid said I could have the job back. Absolutely, Buzz, I'm glad he -- -Absolutely, Buzz, I'm glad he -- But he told me you stole that swell hoop idea from me. What gives! -But he told me you stole that swell hoop idea from me. What gives! But, Buzz -- -But, Buzz -- Say, that was a swell idea! -Say, that was a swell idea! But, Buzz, you know I never -- -But, Buzz, you know I never -- And Sid says you stole it! -And Sid says you stole it! But Buzz -- -...Jesus Christopher -- That smarts... Where was I? Oh yeah, the board. I guess Sidney's been puttin' the screws to ya, huh, Norman? Norville. -Norville. Mm. Well, say what you like about the man's ethics, he's a balls-to- the-wall businessman. Beat ya any way he can. Straight for the jugular. Very effective. -Mm. Well, say what you like about the man's ethics, he's a balls-to- the-wall businessman. Beat ya any way he can. Straight for the jugular. Very effective. Yes sir... -Yes sir... Anyway. Any particular reason you didn't give him my Blue Letter? I mean, Jesus, Norman, just a dying man's last words and wishes, no big deal. -Anyway. Any particular reason you didn't give him my Blue Letter? I mean, Jesus, Norman, just a dying man's last words and wishes, no big deal. Huh? Oh, geez, Mr. Hudsucker, I apologize, there was an awful lot of excitement and I guess I must've mislaid -- -Huh? Oh, geez, Mr. Hudsucker, I apologize, there was an awful lot of excitement and I guess I must've mislaid -- It's sittin' in your apron pocket, right where you left it. Imbecile. -Oh, geez. Failure to deliver a Blue Letter is grounds for dismissal. -Failure to deliver a Blue Letter is grounds for dismissal. Geez, I -- -Geez, I -- Ah, it's New Year's, I'm not gonna add to your woes. I'm just saying. -Ah, it's New Year's, I'm not gonna add to your woes. I'm just saying. Yessir. -Yessir. Well, why don't ya read it. -Well, why don't ya read it. Sir? -Sir? Yeah, go ahead. Might learn somethin'. -Yeah, go ahead. Might learn somethin'. Yes sir... -'From the desk of Waring Hudsucker. To. Sidney J. Mussburger. Regarding. My demise. Dear Sid. By the time you read this, I will have joined the organization upstairs -- an exciting new beginning. I will retain fond memories of the many years you and I -- ' Yeah, yeah, it's the standard resignation boilerplate -- go down to the second paragraph. -Yeah, yeah, it's the standard resignation boilerplate -- go down to the second paragraph. 'Many years, uh... I know that you will be wondering why I have decided to move on, ending my tenure at Hudsucker, and here on Earth. You will be thinking, Why now, when things are going so well? Granted, from the standpoint of our balance sheet and financials, sure, sure, we're doing fine. However, Sid. These things have long since ceased to give me pleasure. I look at myself now and no longer see the idealistic young man who started this company. Now I see only an empty shell whom others call a 'success.' How has this come to pass? When and why did I trade all of my hopes, dreams and aspirations, for the emptiness of power and wealth? What the heck have I done? -'...And so, Sid, the future does not belong to such as I -- nor even you. We have made our compromises with time. The future belongs to the young, who may more energetically wage the battle against corruption. Accordingly, in the spirit of hope, and the ringing in of the new, I hereby bequeath my entire interest in the company, and my seat on the board, to whomever is Hudsucker's most recent employee at the time of my demise. I know this will disappoint you -- you, Sid, who have served so diligently and for so long. But --' -- tough titty toenails! -...Yeah, go ahead. '...But Sid, let me urge you to work closely with the new president, and to keep giving Hudsucker Industries all your energies -- but not your soul. For while we must strive for success, we must not worship it. Long live the Hud. Waring Hudsucker...' -...This'll only take a moment. Yeah? -Yeah? Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- -Good afternoon to ya, this is Norville Barnes -- Barnes! Where the hell have you been! And where's my voucher?! -...Well, I'm not sure where I -- I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! -I need that voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- -But look, I'm president of the company now and I -- I don't care if you're president of the company! I need that voucher! Now! --- So we'd gone out to the Hamptons and the garden was in positive ruins! That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. -That must have been quite a disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger. Disappointment? J'etais destroyee! I was in bed for a week! Positively sick with fury! I called in the gardener and said, 'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those azaleas come up next spring or you are terminee! -I'm brushing up on my French with the most charming man, Pierre of Fifth Avenue. Do you know him? I haven't had -- -I haven't had -- Sidney and I are planning a trip to Paris and points continental -- Aren't we, dear? -Well, frankly, I... You have a charming wife, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid. -...Who let you in? I -- -Tell him I'll be right there... Well, what is it? I -- -You, maybe you're the company's biggest moron. We can't use Morris, he's been with us too long, he's a nice guy, too many friends. Matter of fact, why don't you fire him. No -- scratch that; I'll fire him. ...Make it fast, make it fast. You -- -...You know, for kids! Which is perfect for Hudsucker -- not that I claim to be any great genius; like they say, inspiration is 99 percent perspiration, and in my case I'd say it's at least twice that, but I gotta tell ya, Mr. Mussburger, sir, this sweet baby -- Wait a minute! -...education, were you? Well, I'm a college graduate -- -Well, I'm a college graduate -- All right, but you didn't excel in your studies...? -All right, but you didn't excel in your studies...? Well, I made the dean's list. -Well, I made the dean's list. Hmmm. -At the Muncie College of Business Administration. Sure, sure. And did your classmates there call you 'jerk' or... ...'schmoe'? -...'Shnook'? 'Dope'? 'Dipstick'? 'Lamebrain'? No, sir. -No, sir. Not even behind your back? -Not even behind your back? Sir! They voted me most likely to succeed! -Sir! They voted me most likely to succeed! You're fired. -You're fired. But, sir! -- -But, sir! -- Get your feet off that desk. -But -- Get out of my sight. -My God! The Bumstead contracts!! Oh my God, sir! -You nitwit! I worked for three years on this deal! Oh my God, sir! -Why you nitwit. You almost destroyed the most sensitive deal of my career! Oh my God, sir! -Not that way! Through the door! But, sir! -Up on your feet! We don't crawl at Hudsucker Industries! Sir, my leg is on fire! -My God! The Bumstead contracts! Oh my God, sir! -That reminds me, Mr. Mu... uh, Sid. I never did give you that-- Lobby. We haven't got all day. -Relax, Norville. It's only natural in a period of transition for the more nervous element to run for cover. Okay, Sid. Like I said, you're the expert, but -- -...You don't happen to remember the plan I outlined to you the day I set fire to your off -- uh, the day I was promoted? I do remember and I was impressed. Anyway, that's all forgotten now. Driver! -I do remember and I was impressed. Anyway, that's all forgotten now. Driver! Thank you, Sid, but the reason I mention it is, it would require such a small capital investment -- again, you're the expert here -- -Thank you, Sid, but the reason I mention it is, it would require such a small capital investment -- again, you're the expert here -- Damnit, where's my car! -Damnit, where's my car! -- But there's such an enormous potential profit-wise given the demographics -- baby boom -- discretionary income in the burgeoning middle class -- -Finally. -- So if you think it's appropriate, I'd like to bounce the idea off a few people at lunch -- -...Congratulations, kid, you've really outdone yourself. Reinvented the wheel. I'm going to recommend to the Board that we proceed immediately with this, uh... with the, uh... that the dingus be mass-produced with all deliberate speed. Of course, as president of the company the ultimate decision is yours. Well... I'm for it... -Sorry I'm late, Sid. That back nine at Riverdale is really murder. Sure, sure, it's a tough course. Well thanks for coming, kid. I thought the board room would be a swell place to chat undisturbed -- it seems we're having some security problems here at the Hud. -Sure, sure, it's a tough course. Well thanks for coming, kid. I thought the board room would be a swell place to chat undisturbed -- it seems we're having some security problems here at the Hud. Ya don't say. -Ya don't say. Mm. Ordinarily I wouldn't bother you with it, but -- this is embarrassing, kid -- it seems to concern you directly. -Mm. Ordinarily I wouldn't bother you with it, but -- this is embarrassing, kid -- it seems to concern you directly. How's that, Sid? -How's that, Sid? It's not important in itself -- some elevator boy you fired came to me claiming you'd stolen the idea for the, uh, the hoop dingus from him -- -It's not important in itself -- some elevator boy you fired came to me claiming you'd stolen the idea for the, uh, the hoop dingus from him -- Huh?! He -- no, I -- he's just -- maybe I was a little rough on the boy, ya see I -- -Huh?! He -- no, I -- he's just -- maybe I was a little rough on the boy, ya see I -- Ah forget it, kid, ya don't have to explain to me. He's a little person. He's nothing. Like I say, ordinarily it would just be a nuisance. But it seems -- well, there was a spy in the company... -I got gas, Bennie. Yeah, tell me about it. -Yeah, tell me about it. No kiddin', Bennie. I got gas. -No kiddin', Bennie. I got gas. Ya get the special? -Ya get the special? Fah from it... -...Enter the dame. There's one in every story. -There's one in every story. Ten bucks says she's looking for a handout. -Ten bucks says she's looking for a handout. Twenty bucks says not here she don't find one. -Twenty bucks says not here she don't find one. She's looking for her mark. -She finds him. She sits down. -...and awduhs a light lunch. She looks in her purse... -...No money. The mark notices. -...He's not noticing, Benny. Maybe he's wise. -Maybe he's wise. He don't look wise. -He don't look wise. Plan two: Here come the waterworks. -Yellowstone. Old Faithful. -Old Faithful. Hello, Niagara. -Hello, Niagara. He notices. -She's got other problems, of course... ...Her mother needs an operation... -...Her mother needs an operation... ...adenoids. -...adenoids. No, Bennie: Lumbago. -Maybe he's wise. He don't look wise. -She isn't! She is! -She's good, Bennie. She's damn good, Lou. -Good morning, miss. Thank you for waking me. -Thank you for waking me. I didn't want to frighten you out of your sleep, Miss. That's why I touched you farthest from your heart. -But I'm Miss Jessica's nurse, Alma. You don't have to do that for me. I know, miss. But I like to do it. I like to tend for Miss Jessica and I want to tend for you. You settle right back, now, and I'll mix you your coffee. -I know, miss. But I like to do it. I like to tend for Miss Jessica and I want to tend for you. You settle right back, now, and I'll mix you your coffee. Thank you, Alma. -Miss Jessica used to say this is the only way for a lady to break her fast -- in bed, with a lacy cushion to bank her head up. If you'd only seen her, Miss Connell. She looked so pretty. She must have been beautiful. What happened to her, Alma? -She must have been beautiful. What happened to her, Alma? She was very sick and then she went mindless, Miss. -She was very sick and then she went mindless, Miss. We'll see if we can't make her well, Alma, you and I. -We'll see if we can't make her well, Alma, you and I. I do my best. Every day I dress her just as beautifully as if she was well. It's just like dressing a great, big doll. -What's this? "A puff-up, I call it. But Miss Jessica always says ""brioche.""" -"A puff-up, I call it. But Miss Jessica always says ""brioche.""" Looks like an awful lot of breakfast -- I don't know whether I'll be able to get away with it. -Things so bad, nobody can help -- not even Doctor Maxwell. Doctors and nurses can only do so much, Alma. They can't cure everything. -Doctors and nurses can only do so much, Alma. They can't cure everything. Doctors that are people can't cure everything. -Doctors that are people can't cure everything. "What do you mean -- ""doctors that are people""?" -"What do you mean -- ""doctors that are people""?" There are other doctors...Yes, other doctors...Better doctors... -There are other doctors...Yes, other doctors...Better doctors... Where? -Where? At the Houmfort. -At the Houmfort. That's nonsense, Alma. -That's nonsense, Alma. They even cure nonsense, Miss Betsy. Mama Rose was mindless. I was at the Houmfort when the Houngan brought her mind back. -They even cure nonsense, Miss Betsy. Mama Rose was mindless. I was at the Houmfort when the Houngan brought her mind back. You mean Mama Rose was like Mrs. Holland? -You mean Mama Rose was like Mrs. Holland? No. She was mindless but not like Miss Jessica. But the Houngan cured her. -No. She was mindless but not like Miss Jessica. But the Houngan cured her. Are you trying to tell me that the Houngan -- the voodoo priest -- could cure Mrs. Holland? -Are you trying to tell me that the Houngan -- the voodoo priest -- could cure Mrs. Holland? Yes, Miss Betsy. I mean that. The Houngan will speak to the rada drums and the drums will speak to Shango and Damballa. -Times gone, Fort Holland was a fort...now, no longer. The Holland's are a most old family, miss. They brought the colored people to the island-- the colored folks and Ti-Misery. Ti-Misery? What's that? -Ti-Misery? What's that? A man, miss -- an old man who lives in the garden at Fort Holland - with arrows stuck in him and a sorrowful, weeping look on his black face. -A man, miss -- an old man who lives in the garden at Fort Holland - with arrows stuck in him and a sorrowful, weeping look on his black face. Alive? -Alive? No, miss. He's just as he was in the beginning -- on the front part of an enormous boat. -No, miss. He's just as he was in the beginning -- on the front part of an enormous boat. You mean a figurehead. -You mean a figurehead. If you say, miss. And the enormous boat brought the long-ago Fathers and the long-ago Mothers of us all - chained down to the deep side floor. -If you say, miss. And the enormous boat brought the long-ago Fathers and the long-ago Mothers of us all - chained down to the deep side floor. But they came to a beautiful place, didn't they? -But they came to a beautiful place, didn't they? If you say, miss. If you say. -I think you need some help. I'm afraid so. -I'm afraid so. Ti-Joseph? -I really intended going out to the Fort and meeting you long before this, Miss Connell. I'm Mrs. Rand -- Wesley's mother. Oh, Mrs. Rand -- -Oh, Mrs. Rand -- Come, come, don't tell me how sorry you are that I should meet you this way. I'm even a little glad that Wesley's difficulty brought us together. -Believe me, Mrs. Rand, he doesn't do this often. This is the first time I've seen him -- Nonsense, child! I know Wesley's been drinking too much lately. I know a great deal more about what goes on at Fort Holland than you'd think. I know all about you -- that you're a nice girl, competent and kind to Jessica. The Fort needs a girl like you. But now we've got to get you back there. I'll walk you back and stay over night. It'll be a nice change for me. -Thank you, Mrs. Rand. I think you're every bit as nice as Wes says you are. So -- he says I'm nice. He's a nice boy, too, Miss Connell, a very nice boy. But I'm worried about his drinking. -I'd love to. Use your influence with Paul. Ask him to take that whiskey decanter off the dinner table. -Use your influence with Paul. Ask him to take that whiskey decanter off the dinner table. I've no influence with Mr. Holland. -I've no influence with Mr. Holland. Try it -- you may have more influence than you think. -Some of this native nonsense. The Houngan has his prescription and Dr. Maxwell and I have ours. You've never said anything about voodoo before, Mrs. Rand. -You've never said anything about voodoo before, Mrs. Rand. Haven't I? I suppose I take it for granted. It's just part of everyday life here. -Haven't I? I suppose I take it for granted. It's just part of everyday life here. You don't believe in it? -You don't believe in it? A missionary's widow? It isn't very likely, is it? -A missionary's widow? It isn't very likely, is it? I don't mean believe, like believing in a religion. I mean, do you believe it has power? Do you think it could heal a sick person? -I don't mean believe, like believing in a religion. I mean, do you believe it has power? Do you think it could heal a sick person? Frankly, my dear, I didn't expect anything like this from a nice level-headed girl. What are you driving at? -Frankly, my dear, I didn't expect anything like this from a nice level-headed girl. What are you driving at? "I heard the servants talking about someone called Mama Rose. They said she had been ""mindless""..." -"I heard the servants talking about someone called Mama Rose. They said she had been ""mindless""..." Her son drowned. She brooded until her mind was affected. All the Houngan did was coax her out of it with a little practical psychology. -Mrs. Rand. Wait. Don't draw any conclusions. Let me explain. -Wait. Don't draw any conclusions. Let me explain. But, Mrs. Rand -- -But, Mrs. Rand -- I knew you'd come. And I knew I'd have to come up here and talk to you. I couldn't let you go back without any word. I came to tell you again -- Jessica cannot be cured. -I knew you'd come. And I knew I'd have to come up here and talk to you. I couldn't let you go back without any word. I came to tell you again -- Jessica cannot be cured. But how did you get here? What are you doing here? -But how did you get here? What are you doing here? I asked you to let me explain. It's a long story. And not an easy one -- --- and when my husband died I felt helpless. They disobeyed me -- things went from bad to worse. All my husband's dreams of good health, good sanitation, good morals for these sweet and gentle people seemed to die with him. Then, almost accidentally, I discovered the secret of how to deal with them. There was a girl with a baby -- again and again I begged her to boil the drinking water. She never would. Then I told her the god, Shango, would be pleased and kill the evil spirits in the water if she boiled it. She boiled the water from then on. But you didn't have to come up here. -But you didn't have to come up here. Perhaps not. But I did come here and I found it was so simple to let the gods speak through me. Once started, it seemed such an easy way to do good. I should have known there was no easy way to do good, Betsy. -Why, Betsy -- we can't lose you. You mean too much to us here. That's sweet of you, Mrs. Rand. -Mrs. Rand... You must, Betsy. They'll have to believe you. -You must, Betsy. They'll have to believe you. Mrs. Rand was at the Houmfort that night. But there's nothing wrong with that. She's gone there for years -- trying to take care of those people, to help them. -Does she suffer? I don't know. I prefer to think of her as a sleepwalker who can never be awakened -- feeling nothing, knowing nothing. -She can never be cured? I've never heard of a cure. -I've never heard of a cure. Is this disease common in the tropics? -Is this disease common in the tropics? Fortunately, not. This is my first experience with it as a physician. But I have seen half-witted field hands -- whom the other peasants call Zombies. I am sure they suffer from a similar destruction of spinal nerves as the result of high fever. -I prepared these for you last night, Miss Connell. Thank you. -I've worked with it. I've seen cures. It is at least a hope. It's the very danger itself that makes the cure possible, Mr. Holland. The insulin produces a state of coma, a stupor. The patient is revived from the coma by a violent overwhelming nerve shock. That nerve shock can kill -- but it can also restore the damaged mind. -Miss Connell's testimony will be very important. I would have stayed anyway, Dr. Maxwell. -You're single? Yes. -Yes. Where were you trained? -Where were you trained? At the Memorial Hospital -- here in Ottawa. -They didn't teach it at Memorial Hospital. I had my suspicions, though, about the Directress of Training. Very well. That means that you have met all Mr. Holland's requirements. Now, as to salary -- it's quite good -- two hundred dollars a month. -Very well. That means that you have met all Mr. Holland's requirements. Now, as to salary -- it's quite good -- two hundred dollars a month. That is good. But I'd like to know more about the case. -That is good. But I'd like to know more about the case. I'm afraid I'm not able to tell you much. Only that the patient is a young woman -- the wife of a Mr. Paul Holland with whom we do considerable business. -I'm afraid I'm not able to tell you much. Only that the patient is a young woman -- the wife of a Mr. Paul Holland with whom we do considerable business. That will mean another interview, won't it? -That will mean another interview, won't it? No, this is quite final. You see, Mr. Holland is a sugar planter. He lives in St. Sebastian Island in the West Indies. -No, this is quite final. You see, Mr. Holland is a sugar planter. He lives in St. Sebastian Island in the West Indies. The West Indies? -The West Indies? A year's contract -- a trip with all expenses paid -- that's not so bad, you know. -A year's contract -- a trip with all expenses paid -- that's not so bad, you know. But it's so far away... -But it's so far away... That's rather nice, isn't it? -It seems we are having dinner by ourselves, Miss Connell. But I may as well introduce everyone to you, anyway. There -- in the master's chair, sits the master -- my half-brother Paul Holland. But you've already met him. Yes -- on the boat. -Yes -- on the boat. And that chair -- is the particular property of Mrs. Rand -- mother to both of us and much too good for either of us. Too wise, in fact, to live under the same roof. She prefers the village dispensary. -And that chair -- is the particular property of Mrs. Rand -- mother to both of us and much too good for either of us. Too wise, in fact, to live under the same roof. She prefers the village dispensary. Is she a doctor? -Is she a doctor? No -- she just runs the place. She's everything else -- amazing woman, mother. You'll like her. -No -- she just runs the place. She's everything else -- amazing woman, mother. You'll like her. I like her already. -I like her already. And that -- is my chair. And this -- is Miss Connell -- who is beautiful. -And that -- is my chair. And this -- is Miss Connell -- who is beautiful. Thank you. But who sits there? -Thank you. But who sits there? My brother's wife. --- But, you're an American? I went to school in Buffalo. Paul went to school in England. -I went to school in Buffalo. Paul went to school in England. I wondered about your different accents. I'm still wondering about your names -- Rand and Holland. -I wondered about your different accents. I'm still wondering about your names -- Rand and Holland. We're half-brothers. Paul is mother's first child. When his father died, she married my father. Dr. Rand, the missionary. And you know what they say about missionaries' children. -As a matter of fact, it means the sugar syrup is ready to be poured off. You'll have to excuse me. Of course. It's been nice of you to spend this much time with me. -Don't worry. I wasn't missed. The only important man here is the owner. Mr. Holland? -Mr. Holland? Yes, the redoubtable Paul. He has the plantation, and I, as you must have noticed, have all the charm. -Yes, the redoubtable Paul. He has the plantation, and I, as you must have noticed, have all the charm. I don't know. He spoke to me last night on the boat. I liked him very much. -I don't know. He spoke to me last night on the boat. I liked him very much. Ah, yes, our Paul, strong and silent and very sad -- quite the Byronic character. Perhaps I ought to cultivate it. -Perhaps you ought to get on to the mill. It'll wait. -Where do you think you're going? It's my day off. -It's my day off. But what in the world can you do with a day off in St. Sebastian? -But what in the world can you do with a day off in St. Sebastian? I was just beginning to wonder. Aren't there shops, restaurants and things? -I was just beginning to wonder. Aren't there shops, restaurants and things? Well -- and things -- might be a better description of what you'll find. I'd better come along and show you the town. -But don't you have to work? By a curious coincidence, it's my day off, too. -Bring me another, Ti-Joseph. I have to keep the lady entertained. It must be hard work entertaining me if it requires six ounces of rum. -It must be hard work entertaining me if it requires six ounces of rum. What in the world are you talking about? Six ounces -- ? -What in the world are you talking about? Six ounces -- ? Higher mathematics. Two ounces to a drink -- three drinks, six ounces. -Higher mathematics. Two ounces to a drink -- three drinks, six ounces. How do you know there's two ounces in a drink? -How do you know there's two ounces in a drink? I'm a nurse. I always watch people when they pour something. I watched Ti-Joseph and it was exactly two ounces. -Listen, did I tell you that story about the little mule at the plantation -- the little mule and Clement? Let me tell you. It's one of the funniest stories -- Wait. I want to listen. -Don't let it bother you so, Wes. Did you hear what he sang? -I wish I hadn't heard -- Why? Everybody else knows it. Paul saw to that. Sometimes I think he planned the whole thing from the beginning -- just to watch me squirm. -Why? Everybody else knows it. Paul saw to that. Sometimes I think he planned the whole thing from the beginning -- just to watch me squirm. That doesn't sound like him. -That doesn't sound like him. That's right -- he's playing the noble husband for you, isn't he? That won't last long. -That's right -- he's playing the noble husband for you, isn't he? That won't last long. I'd like to go now, Rand. Would you mind taking me home? -I'd like to go now, Rand. Would you mind taking me home? "One of these days he'll start on you, the way he did on her. ""You think life's beautiful, don't you, Jessica? You think you're beautiful, don't you, Jessica?"" What he could do to that word ""beautiful."" That's Paul's great weapon -- words. He uses them the way other men use their fists." -Betsy, can I talk to you a minute? Of course, Wes. -Does she suffer? Does she know what she is? I don't know. I once asked Dr. Maxwell the same question. He said he thought she was like a sleepwalker who would never waken. -I don't know. I once asked Dr. Maxwell the same question. He said he thought she was like a sleepwalker who would never waken. She hated sleep. She used to say it was a thief -- stealing away her life, an hour at a time... -She hated sleep. She used to say it was a thief -- stealing away her life, an hour at a time... Not to a nurse. Sleep is a cure. -She's dead. The dead ought to be buried. But she's not dead, Wes. -But she's not dead, Wes. You know what she is! That's death -- no mind, no senses -- no love, no hate, no feeling -- nothing! -You know what she is! That's death -- no mind, no senses -- no love, no hate, no feeling -- nothing! Please, Wes, do as I ask. You must rest, you must sleep. -No, Wes. Jessica was never any good for Paul. You will be, you are. And Mother -- seeing Jessica day after day -- never able to escape, never able to forget. Please, Betsy -- it's only merciful. -It is not beautiful. You read my thoughts, Mr. Holland. -You read my thoughts, Mr. Holland. It's easy enough to read the thoughts of a newcomer. Everything seems beautiful because you don't understand. Those flying fish -- they are not leaping for joy. They're jumping in terror. Bigger fish want to eat them. That luminous water -- it takes its gleam from millions of tiny dead bodies. It's the glitter of putrescence. There's no beauty here -- it's death and decay. -It's easy enough to read the thoughts of a newcomer. Everything seems beautiful because you don't understand. Those flying fish -- they are not leaping for joy. They're jumping in terror. Bigger fish want to eat them. That luminous water -- it takes its gleam from millions of tiny dead bodies. It's the glitter of putrescence. There's no beauty here -- it's death and decay. You can't really believe that. -Have the servants made you comfortable? Yes, thank you. -Can't I take it for you? No, thank you. Tomorrow's time enough for you to begin work. -I heard someone crying -- a woman -- A woman crying? No one's been crying here. -Why was the maid crying? I'm not sure I can make you understand. You know what this is? -I'm not sure I can make you understand. You know what this is? A figure of St. Sebastian. -A figure of St. Sebastian. Yes. But it was once the figurehead of a slave ship. That's where our people came from -- from the misery and pain of slavery. For generations they found life a burden. That's why they still weep when a child is born -- and make merry at a burial. -I made it clear in my letter to the company. This is not a position for a frightened girl. I am not a frightened girl. -I am not a frightened girl. That's hard to believe, after what happened last night. -That's hard to believe, after what happened last night. If I were as timid as you seem to think, Mr. Holland, I wouldn't have gone into the tower in the first place. -If I were as timid as you seem to think, Mr. Holland, I wouldn't have gone into the tower in the first place. And what is so alarming about the tower, Miss Connell? -And what is so alarming about the tower, Miss Connell? Nothing -- really. But you must admit it's an eerie sort of place -- so dark -- -Nothing -- really. But you must admit it's an eerie sort of place -- so dark -- Surely nurses aren't afraid of the dark? -Surely nurses aren't afraid of the dark? Of course not! -A mental case? I'm sorry... -I'm sorry... Why should you be? My wife is a mental case. Please keep that in mind, Miss Connell -- particularly when some of the foolish people of this island start talking to you about Zombies. -You didn't find your patient so frightening in the daylight, did you? Mrs. Holland must have been beautiful --- -Mrs. Holland must have been beautiful --- Many people thought her beautiful. -I suppose so. Yes. And charming? -And charming? I've never given it much thought. -I've never given it much thought. Don't. It will save you a great deal of trouble and other people a great unhappiness. -Good morning, Miss Connell. Good morning. -"I heard about your little misadventure yesterday, Miss Connell. On your first ""day off,"" too." Well, I had a good time up to a point. -Well, I had a good time up to a point. Wesley can be very entertaining. -Wesley can be very entertaining. Yes, he can. But I've been wondering -- you know if you could leave the whisky decanter off the table -- -Yes, he can. But I've been wondering -- you know if you could leave the whisky decanter off the table -- It's always stood there, Miss Connell. I can remember it in my grandfather's time and my father's. I'm afraid it will have to remain. -It's always stood there, Miss Connell. I can remember it in my grandfather's time and my father's. I'm afraid it will have to remain. But for Wes -- it must be a temptation to him. -But for Wes -- it must be a temptation to him. I've no sympathy with people who can't resist temptation. -I've no sympathy with people who can't resist temptation. Still, I feel you should remove the decanter. Wes is not an alcoholic yet, Mr. Holland. But as a nurse I can tell you that it won't be long before he is. -Still, I feel you should remove the decanter. Wes is not an alcoholic yet, Mr. Holland. But as a nurse I can tell you that it won't be long before he is. I'm afraid the decanter will have to stay where it is. I engaged you, Miss Connell, to take care of my wife, not my brother. -You don't seem very disturbed by it. I've always thought Voodoo was something to be scared of: the drums sounded in the hills and everybody was frightened. I'm afraid it's not very frightening. They have their songs and dances and carry on and finally, as I understand it, one of the gods comes down and speaks through one of the people. -I heard you playing. I often do. -I often do. I know what you went through tonight. I kept thinking of what you said: that all good things died here, violently. -I know what you went through tonight. I kept thinking of what you said: that all good things died here, violently. Why did you come in here? -Why did you come in here? I don't know. I wanted to help you. And now that I'm here, I don't know how. -You have helped me. I want you to know I'm sorry I brought you here. When I thought of a nurse, I thought of someone hard and impersonal. I love Fort Holland. -I love Fort Holland. What you saw tonight -- two brothers at each other's throat and a woman driven mad by her own husband? Do you love that? -What you saw tonight -- two brothers at each other's throat and a woman driven mad by her own husband? Do you love that? You didn't drive her mad. -You didn't drive her mad. Didn't I? I don't know. That's the simple truth of it. I don't know. -Well? She is alive, Mr. Holland -- that's all. -Don't take it to heart, Betsy. I imagined this so differently... -"I've been waiting here for hours, trying to imagine Jessica well again -- wondering what I'd feel. I could see Jessica as she used to be, I could hear her say in that sweet mocking voice, ""Paul, darling..."" The whole thing beginning all over again..." And instead, I came -- bringing you nothing. -And instead, I came -- bringing you nothing. Instead -- you come, with sympathy, Betsy, and a generous heart. Don't forget that. Don't call it nothing. -I wanted to help you. Help me? How? -Help me? How? I took Mrs. Holland to the Houmfort. I thought they might cure her. -I took Mrs. Holland to the Houmfort. I thought they might cure her. You have deliberately endangered Mrs. Holland's life. There's no telling what you may have started with this insanity. Why did you do it? -You have deliberately endangered Mrs. Holland's life. There's no telling what you may have started with this insanity. Why did you do it? I told you. -I told you. Because you wanted to give my wife back to me? Why should that mean anything to you? -Because you wanted to give my wife back to me? Why should that mean anything to you? You know why. You saw it the other night at the piano. You turned away from me. -You know why. You saw it the other night at the piano. You turned away from me. What I saw the other night, I didn't dare believe, Betsy -- -You think I love Jessica and want her back. It is like you to think that -- clean, decent thinking. She was beautiful. -She was beautiful. I hated her. -I still can't believe it Paul -- that you wouldn't say a word in your own defense. I have no defense. So far as I know -- it is true. -I have no defense. So far as I know -- it is true. You can't believe that. You don't know what viciousness it would take to drive a person mad. You're not vicious or cruel, Paul. -You can't believe that. You don't know what viciousness it would take to drive a person mad. You're not vicious or cruel, Paul. How do you know I'm not? I was cruel to Jessica. When I got to know her -- when I found out how empty and ungenerous she was, there was something about her -- something smooth and false -- that made we want to hurt her. -How do you know I'm not? I was cruel to Jessica. When I got to know her -- when I found out how empty and ungenerous she was, there was something about her -- something smooth and false -- that made we want to hurt her. I can understand that. Everyone feels that way about someone. -I can understand that. Everyone feels that way about someone. No. It's not just how I felt toward Jessica. I've been cruel to even you. -You wanted to warn me... The night you came to me in this room -- to comfort me, to help me -- I turned you away. -The night you came to me in this room -- to comfort me, to help me -- I turned you away. Don't, Paul -- don't doubt yourself -- don't make me doubt you. -Don't, Paul -- don't doubt yourself -- don't make me doubt you. I remember words I said to Jessica - words mixed like to poison -- to hurt her, to madden her. -I remember words I said to Jessica - words mixed like to poison -- to hurt her, to madden her. That's past -- that's over and done with... -That's past -- that's over and done with... I want you to be safe, Betsy. I want to know you're away from this place -- home again, where nothing can harm you -- nothing and no one. -I want you to be safe, Betsy. I want to know you're away from this place -- home again, where nothing can harm you -- nothing and no one. You want that? -You want that? Yes. -Considering that the paper is three months old and this isn't Sunday -- no thank you. I guess I'll wait until I'm home, Mrs. Rand. -I wouldn't worry too much, Commissioner. It'll pass. We've had this sort of thing before. This is something else. They're curious. Curiosity and religious fervor make a strange and explosive mixture. -This is something else. They're curious. Curiosity and religious fervor make a strange and explosive mixture. I'm quite sure nothing will happen, Doctor. -Wesley! I am afraid, Wesley, he has that right. And I will have to urge him to use it. -I think I do. I've often talked a little voodoo to get medicine down a patient's throat. It's more than that, Doctor. I've entered into their ceremonies - pretended to be possessed by their gods... -And what happened then, Mrs. Rand? I hated myself. I kept saying to myself over and over again that these people had no power; they had no strange drugs; that there is no such thing as a Zombie. -I hated myself. I kept saying to myself over and over again that these people had no power; they had no strange drugs; that there is no such thing as a Zombie. Ah -- that's where reason took hold. -Ah -- that's where reason took hold. Yes, I said it, and I made myself believe it. But when I got here, Jessica was already raging with fever. -Yes, I said it, and I made myself believe it. But when I got here, Jessica was already raging with fever. Two things had happened, Mrs. Rand. One was that your daughter-in-law had been taken ill with a fever. The other thing -- completely disconnected -- was that you had wished her ill, because she had hurt your sons. -Two things had happened, Mrs. Rand. One was that your daughter-in-law had been taken ill with a fever. The other thing -- completely disconnected -- was that you had wished her ill, because she had hurt your sons. But I had no thought of harming her. It wasn't I... -But I had no thought of harming her. It wasn't I... You were possessed. That is true -- possessed by your subconscious mind. You were in the Houmfort, surrounded by their symbols. To them, nothing worse can happen to a person than to be made into a Zombie. Your subconscious mind used their own words for evil. -All that you say comes down to the same thing. You are asking me to pass a sentence of life or death on my own wife. Insulin shock treatment is an extreme measure, Mr. Holland. But -- as Miss Connell pointed out when she suggested it -- this is an extreme case. -Insulin shock treatment is an extreme measure, Mr. Holland. But -- as Miss Connell pointed out when she suggested it -- this is an extreme case. You admit that it is terribly dangerous. Why do you advise it? -I don't know -- I don't know-- It is a hard decision to make -- but yours is only a technical responsibility... -It is a hard decision to make -- but yours is only a technical responsibility... Technical responsibility, real responsibility -- what difference does it make? Jessica lives -- or she dies. That's what we're talking about! -But I assure you, Father Walters, Miss Connell had no idea of the consequences when she went there. Paul, we're not trying to blame Miss Connell. It isn't a question of blame. It's a question of what we are to do with Jessica. The commissioner is very concerned. -An accident at the mill? No -- it's about Mrs. Holland. A result of our discussion the other day, I'm afraid. -No -- it's about Mrs. Holland. A result of our discussion the other day, I'm afraid. What about her? -What about her? In view of all the circumstances, the commissioner has decided on a legal investigation. -In view of all the circumstances, the commissioner has decided on a legal investigation. Investigation of what? -Investigation of what? Of the nature of Mrs. Holland's illness. And, of course, the events which led up to it. -Of the nature of Mrs. Holland's illness. And, of course, the events which led up to it. In other words, I'm on trial. -In other words, I'm on trial. I did everything I could to forestall this, Paul. I don't think there's any question of your innocence in the matter. But there's been too much talk. The thing's out of hand. -I did everything I could to forestall this, Paul. I don't think there's any question of your innocence in the matter. But there's been too much talk. The thing's out of hand. Maybe it's better this way, Mother. I'm glad you're going home, Betsy -- you'll be out of the mess. -Dr. Maxwell is right, Mother. Emotion tricks all of us, Mrs. Rand. And you are a woman with a very strong conscience. That conscience has been tormenting you. The rest is coincidence. There is no such thing as a Zombie. The dead do not come back to life. Death is final. -Well, Jeffries, why come to us about it? Why don't you go up to the Houmfort and put a stop to the drumming and dancing -- that's what causes all the trouble. No. You're quite wrong. Right here's the seat of the trouble. Mrs. Holland has become an object of speculation and religious interest to these people. It's revived all their old superstitions -- Zombies -- and that sort of nonsense. -If I were as sure as you, Mrs. Rand, we wouldn't be here. I'll tell you quite bluntly: for the peace of the island and possibly for her own safety, we've come to ask you to send Mrs. Holland away to St. Thomas. To the asylum? -To the asylum? I believe there's a kinder name for it, Wesley. At St. Thomas, it's called the Institute for Mental Therapy. -I believe there's a kinder name for it, Wesley. At St. Thomas, it's called the Institute for Mental Therapy. It doesn't matter what you call it. I can tell you right now Jessica isn't going! -I tell you he hasn't and he wouldn't dare use it if he had. Why? -Why? Because he drove Jessica insane -- deliberately -- coldly! -That could be a serious accusation, Rand, if it weren't a foolish one. Foolish? Tell them how foolish it is, Paul -- tell them! -Dr. Maxwell -- it's nice to see you. Dr. Maxwell has very unpleasant news for us. -We're all in it. There won't be a shred of pride or decency left for any of use. Say something, Paul! You've always been good with words. Put some together, now, and tell us that you're not responsible -- that every damnable bit of it doesn't rest squarely on your shoulders! You're wrong, Wesley. The guilt is mine -- all of it. -You're wrong, Wesley. The guilt is mine -- all of it. Are you going to lie for him, Mother? -Are you going to lie for him, Mother? Betsy, tell them about the Houmfort. Tell them what you saw there. -That isn't true. You never understood her. That night, I went to the Houmfort. I kept seeing Jessica's face -- smiling -- smiling because two men hated each other -- because she was beautiful enough to take my family in her hands and break it apart. The drums seemed to be beating in my head. The chanting -- the lights -- everything blurred together. And then I heard a voice, speaking in a sudden silence. My voice. I was possessed. I said that the woman at Fort Holland was evil and that the Houngan must maker her a Zombie. -And speaking of which, you have those market share charts Mr. Shackley was asking about? Gotcha George, not a problem. Tomorrow. Hey, you want to start covering the old filmed entertainment sector yourself? -Gotcha George, not a problem. Tomorrow. Hey, you want to start covering the old filmed entertainment sector yourself? Ben you know that's your territory - and I wouldn't dream to trespass - you're the expert. Hey, how do you think Paramount's gonna do with that Blatty novel, what's it called? The Exorcist? -Ben you know that's your territory - and I wouldn't dream to trespass - you're the expert. Hey, how do you think Paramount's gonna do with that Blatty novel, what's it called? The Exorcist? Overpriced bomb, cost over $6 million -- no stars, and no one's into the horror genre these days anyway. I'm advising the company recommend reducing positions there. It's disaster films that are gonna stay at the top. -Overpriced bomb, cost over $6 million -- no stars, and no one's into the horror genre these days anyway. I'm advising the company recommend reducing positions there. It's disaster films that are gonna stay at the top. Brilliant. Hey, you heading out a little early today? -Brilliant. Hey, you heading out a little early today? Got a meeting uptown. -Got a meeting uptown. Right o'. -Right o'. Up the organization! Bastard. -Benjie! Clair, George Clair! What the hell brings you to New Canaan? -Clair, George Clair! What the hell brings you to New Canaan? Well, it's the funniest thing. I've been talking to some investors -- a little outside venture, you understand, between you and me -- about a scheme to manufacture a new Styrofoam packaging. Little peanut like pieces that can really keep an item free from trauma during shipping. Miraculous. Anyway, it turns out the genius behind the whole project is your neighbor, Jim Williams. How about that! -Well, it's the funniest thing. I've been talking to some investors -- a little outside venture, you understand, between you and me -- about a scheme to manufacture a new Styrofoam packaging. Little peanut like pieces that can really keep an item free from trauma during shipping. Miraculous. Anyway, it turns out the genius behind the whole project is your neighbor, Jim Williams. How about that! Well, hey, isn't that a one-in-a million coincidence. A real dreamer, Jim Williams, eh? -Well, hey, isn't that a one-in-a million coincidence. A real dreamer, Jim Williams, eh? Darned right. Look here, Benj, whaddya make of this sequel to The Godfather? You think it's gonna work? -Darned right. Look here, Benj, whaddya make of this sequel to The Godfather? You think it's gonna work? Don't see how. I think the public's had its fill of this gangster stuff. No, trust me -- disaster pics. And air hockey. -Don't see how. I think the public's had its fill of this gangster stuff. No, trust me -- disaster pics. And air hockey. Yeah, good. -Well, gonna make a break for the hors d'oeuvres guy. Yeah, see you bright and early Monday am. Say, where's the wife? -Yeah, see you bright and early Monday am. Say, where's the wife? In Rhode Island with the folks. I'm a free agent tonight. -OK, OK, the defense rests. Want another? No thank you. We should be off. -No thank you. We should be off. Gotcha. -Don't be so modest, Ben. It's a job that requires a certain prescience with regards to entertainment trends. You were the first to predict that Billy Jack would be a hit -- And as usual no one believed me... -You're staring at me. I wasn't star-- -I wasn't star-- I've been thinking, Ben, about Wendy. I was going to ask if she'd come with me sometime to meet Dr. Woolens. -I've been thinking, Ben, about Wendy. I was going to ask if she'd come with me sometime to meet Dr. Woolens. That shrink -- the one you always wanted me to see? I thought you dropped him. -That shrink -- the one you always wanted me to see? I thought you dropped him. I did, but -- somebody should probably see her, talk to her... You think she's ok? -I did, but -- somebody should probably see her, talk to her... You think she's ok? Why shouldn't she be? -Then again, why should she be? I mean with us, with our... So maybe you'll come too? -So maybe you'll come too? Oh not again Elena! If we've got problems, why can't you just come out and talk about them. -Oh not again Elena! If we've got problems, why can't you just come out and talk about them. It's you Ben who needs to talk. I've had my say, and I'm waiting to hear back from you. -It's you Ben who needs to talk. I've had my say, and I'm waiting to hear back from you. "Yeah but Elena, even you don't believe all that ""I'm OK. You're OK"" stuff you keep babbling about -- you say so yourself. I've been all ears for about ten years now on his subject, and --" -"Yeah but Elena, even you don't believe all that ""I'm OK. You're OK"" stuff you keep babbling about -- you say so yourself. I've been all ears for about ten years now on his subject, and --" -- And you haven't moved out yet. It's because you're too lazy, Ben. Too scared or lazy to either deal with us or simply make a decision -- --- And you haven't moved out yet. It's because you're too lazy, Ben. Too scared or lazy to either deal with us or simply make a decision -- Elena. -Good night. Good night. -The Halfords have invited us again this year. You want to go? -You want to go? What do you think? -What do you think? Well, it is a neighborhood tradition. -I'm, uh, going to bed. So early? -So early? Rough day. Good night. -Oh yeah. Musk, or something. You like it? Hmm. Good night. -You all right there? Oh. Sure, I -- Did you remember to pick up the cranberry sauce? -Oh. Sure, I -- Did you remember to pick up the cranberry sauce? Um, yes. -Because you like it on your turkey sandwiches. I do. I'm -- are you...? -I do. I'm -- are you...? I... I think I am... -I... I think I am... You know Elena, I've been thinking-- -You know Elena, I've been thinking-- Ben, maybe no talking right now? If you start talking, you're going to-- -You crying? I'm just sad Ben -- I mean it was... you were, but, you know. I just don't know... -I'm just sad Ben -- I mean it was... you were, but, you know. I just don't know... Whatever that means Elena -- And you complain about me not communicating... I thought it was -- -Whatever that means Elena -- And you complain about me not communicating... I thought it was -- No, I didn't mean to sound negative. It was -- But Ben. What is going to happen with us? Have you -- -No, I didn't mean to sound negative. It was -- But Ben. What is going to happen with us? Have you -- You have to bring this up now? What? Did I do something here? Is that it? Is it something I did? -You have to bring this up now? What? Did I do something here? Is that it? Is it something I did? I wasn't accusing you, Ben. It's just that we've got to be honest. Not just with ourselves, but with the children. -I wasn't accusing you, Ben. It's just that we've got to be honest. Not just with ourselves, but with the children. Hell, I know. I -- I guess if you want to accuse me, you've got -- Oh hell! I've got to pick up Paul. I almost forgot. -Yikes -- I was hoping to wear this thing to the Halford's Friday. That shirt? -That shirt? What? -What? Leave it -- I'll wash it for you. -The turkey in? Stuffed and baking. -Dinner in ten minutes. You go dry off now. -In the basement over at Janey and Jim's. With that weirdo Mikey. Not even a TV on. And they're on the floor and he's got his trousers down though thank goodness she's still dressed. Well, I really let him have it! ... and Wendy came home peacefully... Hey, should I dress for the Halford's now, or - give me your - Up to you. I'd like to go early and leave pretty soon after that. -Up to you. I'd like to go early and leave pretty soon after that. I get you loud and clear... hey, you look nice. -I get you loud and clear... hey, you look nice. So what were you doing in the Williams' basement anyway? -So what were you doing in the Williams' basement anyway? Oh, just dropping off a coffee cup. Jim left it, last time he was over. It was on the dash of the car. You were, you know, reading, thought I'd just catch some air. Let's eat. -Oh, just dropping off a coffee cup. Jim left it, last time he was over. It was on the dash of the car. You were, you know, reading, thought I'd just catch some air. Let's eat. Oh right. The mustache coffee cup. The one that was sitting on the dash. -Oh right. The mustache coffee cup. The one that was sitting on the dash. Yeah, that one. -Yeah, that one. That one. -What's for dessert? See for yourself. -See for yourself. No advice from the experts, huh? -Don't start. You think I -- -You think I -- I have no idea. -I have no idea. What's on your mind? Don't -- -What's on your mind? Don't -- It wouldn't make a pleasant evening, if that's what you're after. I don't want to talk about it. Stupid mustache cup. -It wouldn't make a pleasant evening, if that's what you're after. I don't want to talk about it. Stupid mustache cup. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Don't be dim. -Don't be dim. Elena, what are you're talking about? -Elena, what are you're talking about? I'm not surprised. -I'm not surprised. Listen, Elena, if you're gonna pull that passive aggressive stuff on me again -- -Listen, Elena, if you're gonna pull that passive aggressive stuff on me again -- Your unfaithfulness -- that's what I'm trying to talk about. Your unfaithfulness. Your betrayal. Your dalliance. And you won't do me the dignity of being up front about it. -Your unfaithfulness -- that's what I'm trying to talk about. Your unfaithfulness. Your betrayal. Your dalliance. And you won't do me the dignity of being up front about it. Am I unfaithful? Is that what you're trying to say? -Am I unfaithful? Is that what you're trying to say? It's a starting place. -It's a starting place. Well, what kind of faithfulness are you after? -Well, what kind of faithfulness are you after? If you're going to insult me -- -If you're going to insult me -- What else could I be? What else could I be? We're not living in the real world here. You're living out some fantasy land from the past, or some advice or something from those psychoanalysts... there are some hard facts here. -Oh lord. You think I'm so dense. And now you want to be seen with your dense wife at the cocktail party. You want to wear that ridiculous shirt which doesn't go with those pants at all. You want to wear that, and you want me to shake hands with your friends and make conversation and dress up in an outfit that shows a lot of cleavage and you're not going to accord me the respect of talking honestly about this... You don't really know what this feels like. Sure I do. Do I know what loneliness feels like? Sure I do. I know a lot about it, if that's what you mean. -Sure I do. Do I know what loneliness feels like? Sure I do. I know a lot about it, if that's what you mean. Benjamin. That's supposed to explain it? -You've... In the car. -In the car. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we'll be right back, Dot. -This just isn't the best moment for this. I know, I know. I had no idea -- -I know, I know. I had no idea -- That this was going to be a key party? -That this was going to be a key party? Yeah, well, if we'd understood we could have invented some kind of excuse. A key party -- did you see how stuffed that bowl was already? -Yeah, well, if we'd understood we could have invented some kind of excuse. A key party -- did you see how stuffed that bowl was already? Well? -Well? I think we're here and we don't have to stay -- we ought simply to put in an appearance and then we can head home. -I think we're here and we don't have to stay -- we ought simply to put in an appearance and then we can head home. Damn it, Ben -- -Damn it, Ben -- I'm not staying at this party so we can go home with someone else's wife. That's not why we're here, right? We're simply being neighbors here, and I think we should do just that -- -I'm not staying at this party so we can go home with someone else's wife. That's not why we're here, right? We're simply being neighbors here, and I think we should do just that -- You're not going to -- -You're not going to -- I'm not. -I'm not. You have some marker, that's what I think, if you want to know the truth. You have some marker and you're going to put it on the house keys so that Janey can find them and then when I get back to the house I'll find the two of you in there and Wendy'll be able to hear you and Paul will be back and he'll hear you and I'll catch you, that's what I think. She'll be swearing and banging against the wall and I'll catch -- -You have some marker, that's what I think, if you want to know the truth. You have some marker and you're going to put it on the house keys so that Janey can find them and then when I get back to the house I'll find the two of you in there and Wendy'll be able to hear you and Paul will be back and he'll hear you and I'll catch you, that's what I think. She'll be swearing and banging against the wall and I'll catch -- Elena. -Elena, it's not what you think. It's not a big plot. Honestly. Honestly. I don't know if you want to go over this now, but it's just something that comes over me. I don't feel good about it. I know I've done what I didn't want to do. I don't know -- Well, I'm really pleased to hear a confession. -Well, I'm really pleased to hear a confession. Elena, you're just getting wound up to get wound up. -Elena, you're just getting wound up to get wound up. Thanks for the diagnosis, Ben. Thank you. So let's just go to this fiasco if that's what you want to do. Let's just go on in. I'd rather talk to anyone else but you. -Ready to go? We're not going anywhere. -Elena. Ben, I've got a ride home. Maybe you should sleep this one off on the couch here? -Ben, I've got a ride home. Maybe you should sleep this one off on the couch here? I'll drive you -- -I'll drive you -- Ben. -You'll get some sleep on the couch out there? Sure. I'll try. And we'll talk in the morning? -Sure. I'll try. And we'll talk in the morning? We'll talk in the morning. -Do you think? Maybe we should call someone -- The phone's out. -The phone's out. Yeah. Well, we can just -- -Yeah. Well, we can just -- Ben, I don't think he wants us here. -Oh you know, for a minute I thought it was -- Paul? Yeah. You think -- -Hi dad. Hey guy. Things ok up there? You all right? -Hey guy. Things ok up there? You all right? I'm fine dad. -I'm fine dad. Well good. Just confirming. You'll be on the 3:50 Wednesday afternoon. -Well good. Just confirming. You'll be on the 3:50 Wednesday afternoon. Well dad, actually I thought I'd take the morning train on Thanksgiving -- got a lot of studying, papers, you know, lab experiments -- -Well dad, actually I thought I'd take the morning train on Thanksgiving -- got a lot of studying, papers, you know, lab experiments -- Lab experiments? Right smart guy -- Paul, you know your mother's gonna be disappointed not to see more of you -- In fact, let me make this more than a simple request guy, I think you should... -So how's school treating you? All right. -All right. Classes? -Classes? Good. -Good. Grades? -Grades? Fine. -Fine. Anyone special? You know... -Anyone special? You know... Hnnn. -Hnnn. Well it's good to see you -- we miss you around the house and all, but this St. Peter's, it's top of the line, eh? -Well it's good to see you -- we miss you around the house and all, but this St. Peter's, it's top of the line, eh? Yeah. -Yeah. You know Paul, I've been thinking, maybe this is as good a time as any to have a little talk, you know, about -- well -- -About? Well, the whole gamut. Facts of life and all. Some fatherly advice, because, I tell you, there's things happening that you're probably old enough... well... For example, on the self-abuse front -- now this is important - it's not advisable to do it in the shower -- it wastes water and electricity and because we all expect you to be doing it there in any case -- and, um, not onto the linen, and not on your sister's underwear or any clothing belonging to your mother -- -Holy! Well. If you're worried about anything, just feel free to ask, and, uh, we can look it up. Uh, dad, you know I'm 16. -Uh, dad, you know I'm 16. All the more reason for this little heart to heart... great. -Um, Paul. On second thought, can you do me a favor and pretend I never said any of that. Sure dad. -Sure dad. Thanks. -See you. Stay out of trouble. -Ah let the guy have his fun. What's the name of this girl with the Park Avenue address? Libbets. Libbets Casey. -Libbets. Libbets Casey. Libbets? What kind of name is Libbets? -It's like farming. I am basically chewing up large tracts of expensively landscaped scenery with overpriced sticks, and George Clair has obviously, in the mere two years since he joined the firm, he has obviously been taking secret lessons with a golf pro, and I assume the entirety of his disposable income has been devoted to humiliating me on the golf course. And the guy talks - incessantly -- throughout the entirety of the miserable 18 holes - on topics that are the supposed domain of my department -- Ben-- -Ben-- Yeah? -Yeah? You're boring me. I have a husband. I don't particularly feel the need for another. -You're boring me. I have a husband. I don't particularly feel the need for another. You have a point there. That's a very good point. We're having an affair. Right. An explicitly sexual relationship. Your needs. My needs. You're absolutely right. -You have a point there. That's a very good point. We're having an affair. Right. An explicitly sexual relationship. Your needs. My needs. You're absolutely right. You should probably get dressed. The boys will be home soon. -You should probably get dressed. The boys will be home soon. Gotcha. -Here. After the Thanksgiving I had, I need it. You having one? -After the Thanksgiving I had, I need it. You having one? In a bit. -Maybe it's all for the better, you know? Yesterday, at dinner, well, she hasn't said anything... has she acted funny to you, I mean, have you noticed anything? Have I noticed anything? I'm not married to her Benjamin, you are. I think you've probably a better vantage point from which to observe her. -Have I noticed anything? I'm not married to her Benjamin, you are. I think you've probably a better vantage point from which to observe her. Yeah, but, I -- I've been working a lot lately, and -- No, that's not it. I guess we've just been on the verge of saying something, whatever it is, just saying something to each other. On the verge. -Huh? Birth control. -Birth control. Right. Gotcha. -Oh jeez, Benjie. Well, here you are. Damn right, but where the hell were you? -Damn right, but where the hell were you? What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? Don't bullshit me around, Janey. Jesus Christ, I waited around for more than half an hour, in nothing but my boxer shorts, and -- and what's all that about? What the hell happened? -A prior engagement overcame me. What? -What? Listen, Benjamin Hood. I have obligations that precede your... from before you showed up. One or two, you know, good-natured encounters, that doesn't mean I'm... I'm not just some toy for you. When I remembered some chores I wanted to get done before the party, I just did them, that's all, because I wanted to do them before I saw Jimmy. -Listen, Benjamin Hood. I have obligations that precede your... from before you showed up. One or two, you know, good-natured encounters, that doesn't mean I'm... I'm not just some toy for you. When I remembered some chores I wanted to get done before the party, I just did them, that's all, because I wanted to do them before I saw Jimmy. Jimmy? Jimmy? I don't know how to take this. And what do you mean, Jimmy? I thought you said you and your husband -- -Jimmy? Jimmy? I don't know how to take this. And what do you mean, Jimmy? I thought you said you and your husband -- How you take it isn't all that interesting to me, Benjamin. I'm sorry -- -How you take it isn't all that interesting to me, Benjamin. I'm sorry -- I just can't believe you could be so -- -Dad stop it! Get to sleep young lady -- and I mean it. -Fascist! If I were a fascist I would have sent you to one of those Southern military academies a long time ago. Now get to bed. -Good-night dad. Good night kiddo. -I'm picking up Paul at the station - want to come? Nah. -Nah. What you been up to? -What you been up to? Nothing. -... while children in Africa and Asia are napalmed and -- Jesus all right enough! -What the hell are you kids doing down here? What do you think we're doing, dad? -What do you think we're doing, dad? What do I think? I think you're probably touching each other. I think you're touching that reckless jerk-off, for god's sake, and I think he's trying to get into your slacks. I think, at fourteen years of age, that you're getting ready to give up your girlhood -- -Talking to me, dad? Who else would I be talking to? And take that thing off! -Who else would I be talking to? And take that thing off! Well, then forget all this stern dad stuff. -Well, then forget all this stern dad stuff. I'm not interested in your smart ass remarks now, lady. Let's go. Right now. You and I can discuss it on the walk home. -Look, kiddo, don't worry about it. I really don't care that much. I'm just not sure he's good enough, that's all. Huh? -Huh? I mean, he's not serious, he'll end up living off Janey and Jim, you watch. It's just that you develop a sense when you get older, if things are going to work out or if they won't, and sometimes it's not worth the mess... -Your toes cold? Yeah. -He's probably been waiting all night at the station. C'mon. -We don't have to always go to your club, dad. And why are you still calling me dad? You're forty years old already, and -- -And why are you still calling me dad? You're forty years old already, and -- -- Well what am I supposed to call you? --- Well what am I supposed to call you? That's besides the point. -I was actually trying to see about getting a little advice, you know -- Advice? I'm supposed to be getting the stock tips from you, Ben. Unless - have you quit your job? They fired you? -Advice? I'm supposed to be getting the stock tips from you, Ben. Unless - have you quit your job? They fired you? You know, dah-- -Actually it's not about work, it's advice about -- Oh for crying out loud Ben, you don't mean to tell me that your marriage is going down the drain now -- -Oh for crying out loud Ben, you don't mean to tell me that your marriage is going down the drain now -- Well, Elena and I have kind of been talking, not really talking, but -- -Well, Elena and I have kind of been talking, not really talking, but -- -- Your mother, God bless her, stood by me for forty-two years -- we never once contemplated divorce - I assume you're talking here about divorce? The very thought -- --- Your mother, God bless her, stood by me for forty-two years -- we never once contemplated divorce - I assume you're talking here about divorce? The very thought -- But dad, you guys truly hated each other, I mean really hated each -- -But dad, you guys truly hated each other, I mean really hated each -- -- Waiter! Where's my cobb salad? You want advice Ben? If your big brother were still alive I'd have him go out into the back yard and beat some sense into your head. Look kid, you married that woman against my advice -- --- Waiter! Where's my cobb salad? You want advice Ben? If your big brother were still alive I'd have him go out into the back yard and beat some sense into your head. Look kid, you married that woman against my advice -- -- What advice? You never -- --- What advice? You never -- That's besides the point. The point is if I'd had any sense in me I'd have divorced your mother 40 years ago, and that's the truth, and here it is, 1972 -- -That's besides the point. The point is if I'd had any sense in me I'd have divorced your mother 40 years ago, and that's the truth, and here it is, 1972 -- -- 73 --- 73 -- 73, and divorce is as easy as paying off a traffic ticket, and for crying out loud, Ben, be a man and just get it over with. I would have if I'd had the chance. -But... But what? -But what? But I -- well maybe I love her. Elena. -It's not the taxes I object to. It's all the fines and penalties. Alright dad. But you sold the house, you didn't tell anyone, including the IRS, and I'd of certainly liked to have seen if there was any old stuff -- -Alright dad. But you sold the house, you didn't tell anyone, including the IRS, and I'd of certainly liked to have seen if there was any old stuff -- It was all junk! -Oh. Elena wanted to know when we could expect you on Thanksgiving. It's just going to be you this year. Ben, I'm going to Florida. I hate Thanksgiving and I hate the cold. I have a new nurse. She's a negro, she weighs three hundred pounds, and I've decided to leave my entire estate to her. -What? Jesus, Benjamin, you're still as gullible as ever. -Jesus, Benjamin, you're still as gullible as ever. That was a joke? You don't tell jokes. -That was a joke? You don't tell jokes. I thought I'd start trying. If you don't mind. But I am going to Florida and I do have a new nurse. -Welcome to the Monkey House has been a seminal influence on me -- hey Benjamin -- give it a try? This stuff will make some sense out of those larger questions. Thanks for the advice Dave. -Good shit. Sure is good shit. It's opiated. I had it in my chamber for a while. I was smoking this other -- -Sure is good shit. It's opiated. I had it in my chamber for a while. I was smoking this other -- It's what? -It's what? Don't fret, Benjie, it's -- -Don't fret, Benjie, it's -- Darn it, Dave. -And to think -- they met at a key party of all things. A key party? -A key party? You know, it's a California thing. That scuzzy husband of hers dragged her kicking and screaming to one when they were out in L.A. you know, the men put their car keys in a bowl, and then at the end of the evening the women line up and fish them out and go home with whoever's keys they've got. Anyhow that's how she met this Rod person or whatever his name is and he's left his wife and she's packing for California. Irwin is devastated. It's so ironic. -Thank you Janey. It was lovely! -Hello you two. Am I barging in on some kind of religious study group? Elena, you look marvelous. Will I see you and Ben at the Halford's? I suppose we'll make an appearance. -I suppose we'll make an appearance. And Reverend Edwards? Did you make the list? -Well, I have to say I don't have much faith that my car keys are still in that bowl. Doesn't seem entirely safe, leaving your car keys around? Let me. -Thanks, but -- oh, I don't think so. It's been kind of a discouraging evening. You couldn't have hoped for much better when you came up the walk. -You couldn't have hoped for much better when you came up the walk. Somehow it was different in my imagination when I thought about it. Actually, I didn't think about it at all, really. -You want coffee or something? Well, maybe they have one of those filter jobs in the kitchen -- -Well, maybe they have one of those filter jobs in the kitchen -- Look, Elena, the fact that we're neighbors... you know, close friends, well it sort of makes this a little strange, don't you think? -Look, Elena, the fact that we're neighbors... you know, close friends, well it sort of makes this a little strange, don't you think? My husband is probably passed out in the bathroom, or at least he wishes he were. I've been married to him for 17 years and I don't have any intention of going in there to get him... so what I'm proposing is that since your wife has gone off with a boy, and since you are standing here alone, I'm proposing that you and I do what makes sense. Stay warm. Pass some time. That's all. -Now don't make me feel as if I'm being too forward, OK? If you don't -- What the hey. Let's go for a drive. -What the hey. Let's go for a drive. Okay. Shall we clean up around here first? Do you think it's all right-- -Okay. Shall we clean up around here first? Do you think it's all right-- Nah, that wasn't in the contract. -Things are really rotten at home. You wouldn't believe how rotten. Janey's sick. She's unstable, I guess... it's not the right time to tell you... but that's it -- it's like I can't make her happy, the boys can't make her happy, she just doesn't -- Jim, maybe we should just go. I've got to look in on the kids. Paul is supposed to be coming back in from the city. -Jim, maybe we should just go. I've got to look in on the kids. Paul is supposed to be coming back in from the city. Jesus, let me make it up to you -- I can do better than that, honestly -- -Jesus, let me make it up to you -- I can do better than that, honestly -- Well, we can talk about it. -Well, we can talk about it. That's fine. I wouldn't expect you to see it any other way. -That's fine. I wouldn't expect you to see it any other way. Maybe you just need -- look, can you wait here a sec, I need to tidy up -- just a minute, I'll be right back. You'll wait? -Maybe you just need -- look, can you wait here a sec, I need to tidy up -- just a minute, I'll be right back. You'll wait? Of course. -You okay? Yeah. You? -Yeah. You? Yes. Well, I guess we can walk from here. -You want to come in, get a cup of coffee -- warm up? I can either walk you home, or you could crash in the guest room. Sure. Maybe coffee. -Sure. Maybe coffee. Phone's out. I hope the pipe's -- -Hi mom. Hi Wendy. -I saw you on your bike today. With Mikey? -With Mikey? Who? -Who? Nobody. -Nobody. Mikey Williams? -Mikey Williams? We were just riding around. -Weightless almost -- as if I were seeing my own memories of being a girl. There was something internal about it. Mom. Are you ok? -Mom. Are you ok? Wendy, of course. I'm sorry. You must think I'm ripe to be checked into Silver Meadows. -Wendy, of course. I'm sorry. You must think I'm ripe to be checked into Silver Meadows. You're not a psycho! -You're not a psycho! The people at Silver Meadows aren't psychos. -The people at Silver Meadows aren't psychos. I know. They're rich drug addicts and celebrities. When I saw James Taylor there, and -- -I know. They're rich drug addicts and celebrities. When I saw James Taylor there, and -- We've been through this Wendy James Taylor was actually at that clinic up near Boston. -We've been through this Wendy James Taylor was actually at that clinic up near Boston. Well, I saw what I saw, and if you don't want to believe me -- -Well, I saw what I saw, and if you don't want to believe me -- Oh Wendy. -They need the money for my band uniform at school. I thought you quit the band - I never hear you practice anymore. -I thought you quit the band - I never hear you practice anymore. I don't really need to practice. I just play a few notes, you know, so I thought maybe I'd stay in. -I don't really need to practice. I just play a few notes, you know, so I thought maybe I'd stay in. Well, I'm sure your father and I would love to hear what you're playing these days. Maybe after dinner. -We're going to the Halford's. The number's on the calendar in the kitchen. We should be home around 11. Is it a big party? A big neighborhood party? -Is it a big party? A big neighborhood party? I suppose. Why? -I suppose. Why? Just curious. If there's a problem, I guess I'll just call you there to interrupt. -Just curious. If there's a problem, I guess I'll just call you there to interrupt. What sort of problems are you planning exactly? -Oh I thought I'd steal the station wagon, drive up to a commune. Or set the house on fire. You know. Just bundle up. It's supposed to freeze tonight. We'll see you in the morning. -I don't like coffee. It'll warm you up. -Please don't. It's not a bother. -It's not a bother. I insist. Don't touch them. -Oh. It's really quite all right. -It's really quite all right. Of course. -Thanks again. For the dinner. Thanks for eating it. I don't know why I even pretend I can cook. -Thanks for eating it. I don't know why I even pretend I can cook. I used to know how to cook. -I used to know how to cook. It's not like we're too busy. -I'm thinking of going back to school. Social work? -Social work? How'd you know? -How'd you know? Educated guess. -Educated guess. I'm that predictable? No, you don't have to answer that. It's just that with the kids almost grown -- -I'm that predictable? No, you don't have to answer that. It's just that with the kids almost grown -- You don't have to apologize. I'm too much of a cynic. You actually seem to be trying to figure things out -- don't mind me. -Here you are. Thanks for the lift. If the bike's any bother-- -Thanks for the lift. If the bike's any bother-- None at all. I'll leave it in front of your garage. Happy Thanksgiving. -Elena. Elena Hood, am I right? Yes. -Yes. Reverend Edwards. Philip Edwards. You came by and checked out the congregation a couple of times last year. -Reverend Edwards. Philip Edwards. You came by and checked out the congregation a couple of times last year. Yes, it was -- I ended up -- -Yes, it was -- I ended up -- No need to make excuses -- -It's been a tremendously transformative year -- maybe a little controversial of course, but we're breaking down the old Unitarian barriers -- I suppose my reluctance was the group aspect of it -- I've never been much of a joiner, although I still consider myself a somewhat religious person -- -I suppose my reluctance was the group aspect of it -- I've never been much of a joiner, although I still consider myself a somewhat religious person -- Well I of course flatter myself that our church is not exactly what most people would call organized religion -- at times it's the disorganization that's liberating -- and of course I've begun to minister much more in what one might call therapeutic environments, in small groups, and one on one, couples -- -My daughter. I haven't been on a bike for years. When was the last time you rode a bike? They say you never forget. -They say you never forget. Forget what? -Forget what? Forget how to ride a bike. -In many ways, the church-bound tradition of the father, son, and holy ghost is simply a version of the parent-child-adult triad within us all. It's a primitive set of symbols for our inner psychology. You're saying that Christ is the child, and -- -You're saying that Christ is the child, and -- -- And God the angry parent, and the Spirit the hope of an integrated adult self. --- And God the angry parent, and the Spirit the hope of an integrated adult self. All well and good -- But tell me again what is it exactly that you believe in? -All well and good -- But tell me again what is it exactly that you believe in? You ask what the point is? -You ask what the point is? That's right. -That's right. Self-realization. Ministering to help people reach their fullest potential. Would you believe me if I told you I want you to see yourself reach your fullest potential and self-realization? -Self-realization. Ministering to help people reach their fullest potential. Would you believe me if I told you I want you to see yourself reach your fullest potential and self-realization? I would say it sounds like you're trying to get me into bed. -I would say it sounds like you're trying to get me into bed. If that's a potential you see yourself fulfilling... I mean... My, I sound a bit -- -If that's a potential you see yourself fulfilling... I mean... My, I sound a bit -- I'm sorry. That was stupid of me. I didn't mean to be so rude. -I'm sorry. That was stupid of me. I didn't mean to be so rude. You weren't. You actually, for some reason, you have the effect on me of making me feel just a tiny bit ashamed of myself. -You weren't. You actually, for some reason, you have the effect on me of making me feel just a tiny bit ashamed of myself. But not too ashamed. -But not too ashamed. Now you are being rude. -Now you are being rude. And you're still trying to get me into bed. -And you're still trying to get me into bed. Ouch. -I'm afraid she's something of a gossip, isn't she? I'm afraid people around here provide her with quite a bit to gossip about. Take care. -I'm afraid people around here provide her with quite a bit to gossip about. Take care. That I will indeed. -Reverend Edwards. Perhaps you might find it in your heart to call me Philip? -You're here... I'm a bit surprised. Sometimes the shepherd needs the company of the sheep. -Sometimes the shepherd needs the company of the sheep. I'm going to try hard not to understand the implications of that simile. -Arise and shine, young Hood. I hope you changed the water in that bong from last night. -I hope you changed the water in that bong from last night. The water, as you call it, is a special mixture of amaretto and Ben&Ben blended for just the exact chemical interaction with the last of our precious Thai stick. -Waste not Master Hood -- that was $20 for the bag. Man, Francis, you are one drug addled elitist freak, and when the revolution comes I do not want to be lined up with you and shot, 'cause you're fucking ripe for political reeducation, you know, like in the fields. -Man, Francis, you are one drug addled elitist freak, and when the revolution comes I do not want to be lined up with you and shot, 'cause you're fucking ripe for political reeducation, you know, like in the fields. Paul, cancel your mental appointments, baby. What are you, like still stoned from last night? -Paul, cancel your mental appointments, baby. What are you, like still stoned from last night? I gotta get to English class. -No more man. I'm about to drop as it is. See ya. -See ya. Where you going? -Where you going? Paul, let me enlighten you about something. You and I exist on two opposite sides of a great existential divide, that being your pathetic virginity on the one hand and my astonishing number of sexual conquests on the other. I'm off to get laid. See you. -Paul, let me enlighten you about something. You and I exist on two opposite sides of a great existential divide, that being your pathetic virginity on the one hand and my astonishing number of sexual conquests on the other. I'm off to get laid. See you. Flame on, asshole. -Flame on, asshole. And remember, with your erogenous zones lubricated as such with the mighty herb, do not attempt terrestrial contact with members of the opposite sex -- because you drone on like a motherfucker when you're stoned. -How can you do that man? Do what? -Do what? Sleep all day. I mean, look, it's already getting dark outside, and you're just getting up. -Sleep all day. I mean, look, it's already getting dark outside, and you're just getting up. Um, Libbets Casey. -Um, Libbets Casey. What? -What? Aha! I could sense the vibe. -Aha! I could sense the vibe. What do you mean? -What do you mean? Am I right or am I right? -Am I right or am I right? Shit. You're not planning -- -Shit. You're not planning -- My man, I speak to you solely as a comrade in arms offering unconditional aid. I've been giving this one a lot of thought, and I believe that the two of you together might just reach that higher ground that -- -You oughtta read this Hood, Nixon, our leader, all ye need know about the travails of life. Check out the Checkers speech stuff. Francis. You gonna leave the seeds in there? In the binding like that? -Francis. You gonna leave the seeds in there? In the binding like that? All will be revealed, baby. -Huh? Moisture! Moisture! -And whence has yon virginal maiden absconded? Like into one of the other 20 or so bathrooms they've got in this place. -Check it out. Not for the faint of heart. Pharmaceutical! You are a god. -Pharmaceutical! You are a god. One for you and one for me. -Awesome sleet and rain. Major. -Major. Howdy there. You, young knight. Can you check on the mead? Can you sally forth and secure us some more mead? -Everything's gonna freeze, the big freeze. Yeah, Paul, are you gonna get home okay? -No candy for me? Groovy. Young master of the revels, a treat for our hostess? -Come on Paulie, share the wealth. You copped 'em from her mom's stash anyway. Let's see! -Jesus, Jim! Sorry honey. Hell, we've got to trade this thing in for a normal bed. -Sorry honey. Hell, we've got to trade this thing in for a normal bed. Just be careful. -Just be careful. You notice anything with Mikey lately? The kid seemed a little out of it tonight, eh? -You notice anything with Mikey lately? The kid seemed a little out of it tonight, eh? Tonight? Jim, he's been out of it since he was born. -Tonight? Jim, he's been out of it since he was born. Hell, I guess he takes after me, huh? -Hey. I'll take this stuff. You going to tell dad? -You going to tell dad? Would it matter? And what's that? -Would it matter? And what's that? You know, it's the whip -- the one uncle Frank got me from Mexico. -You know, it's the whip -- the one uncle Frank got me from Mexico. It's not packed with explosives, is it? -It's not packed with explosives, is it? No! -No! Play with the whip. -Um, Libbets. Hey, Dostoyevsky, I'm also really a fan, and what you were saying, you know, have you ever read The Idiot? The Idiot? -The Idiot? If you liked Notes from Underground, you'll love The Idiot. -If you liked Notes from Underground, you'll love The Idiot. Great, thanks for the tip. -Great, thanks for the tip. The Idiot. -Frankie opens them with his teeth. Hey, it's a sellable skill. -Well, uh, I don't, it's really -- What is it? -Maybe you should have just a half. Thanks for the advice dad. -Yeah. You know Libbets, I really feel, you know, like a real connection to you -- -You know Libbets, I really feel, you know, like a real connection to you -- Yeah but you don't even know me really. -Yeah but you don't even know me really. Sure I do, you know, like your aura. That you give off. -Sure I do, you know, like your aura. That you give off. My what? -My what? It's like very positive, and I feel a real special feeling, because you really -- -It's like very positive, and I feel a real special feeling, because you really -- And I have a special feeling too, because I do. It's special. -And I have a special feeling too, because I do. It's special. You do? I'm glad. Because I feel for you -- -You do? I'm glad. Because I feel for you -- And I have a feeling for you too, because you're just like -- I feel for you like you're -- you're just like -- -I do. Right. Cool. So, how about we take a bath together? -Right. Cool. So, how about we take a bath together? Hah hah you're funny. A bath. Like a brother and sister. Oh man, I'm so wasted. -I'm in love with Libbets Casey. Yeah, well, you've been in love with like every other girl here, I was wondering when you'd get around to Libbets. -Yeah, well, you've been in love with like every other girl here, I was wondering when you'd get around to Libbets. It's beyond mere physical attraction. -It's beyond mere physical attraction. That's good, because I don't think Libbets is capable of the sex act. -That's good, because I don't think Libbets is capable of the sex act. Truly? Do speak. -Truly? Do speak. My diagnosis is messed in the head. A poor little rich girl -- I mean check out the jeans and fur look. And lend your ears to this brutality. Like her mom and step dad and her step-sisters are going to Switzerland to ski over Thanksgiving break -- and like they didn't invite her! -My diagnosis is messed in the head. A poor little rich girl -- I mean check out the jeans and fur look. And lend your ears to this brutality. Like her mom and step dad and her step-sisters are going to Switzerland to ski over Thanksgiving break -- and like they didn't invite her! How do you know this shit? -How do you know this shit? They did it last year too. It's like traditional or something. They've got this humongoid Park Ave apartment and she just holes up there with a wad of cash. Aren't the hugely wealthy sad? -They did it last year too. It's like traditional or something. They've got this humongoid Park Ave apartment and she just holes up there with a wad of cash. Aren't the hugely wealthy sad? You think Francis is going to beat me to the punch here? -You think Francis is going to beat me to the punch here? Since he sleeps with every girl you ever show an interest in, why don't you just keep your Libbets thing a secret from him? -Since he sleeps with every girl you ever show an interest in, why don't you just keep your Libbets thing a secret from him? Good thinking Marge. -Stupid! Is Wendy Hood your girlfriend? Who said so? -Who said so? No one. -No one. I don't have a girlfriend. -Mikey? Yeah? -Yeah? Geometry? -Geometry? Sure, anything but this English. -Why are you so good at math but not in English? I'm not good at math. Just geometry. -Where you going? Out. -Out. It's freezing. -It's freezing. Yeah. When it freezes, I guess that means the molecules are not moving. So when you breathe, there's nothing in the air, you know, to breathe in to your body. The molecules have stopped. So it's clean. -Want some gum? Sure. Twinkie? -Sure. Twinkie? I'm chewing. -Did you tell Sandy? Tell Sandy? What? -I don't ever want to see you. Then why'd you come after me? -You have to follow me? I dunno. I -- -See, no one's here. Maybe you want to go to the basement? Maybe we can just watch some TV. -Maybe we can just watch some TV. There's a TV in the basement. -Maybe we can mess around. You know, only if you want to... I don't know. -I don't know. Why did you -- with Sandy? -Why did you -- with Sandy? I don't know. -I don't know. You like him? He worships you. -Wow! Wendy! -When worlds collide. Huh? -Huh? 4:30 movie. When Worlds Collide. -You're parents at that party? Yeah. Yours? -Yeah. Yours? You get in trouble? -You get in trouble? Maybe. Can't really tell yet. -Maybe. Can't really tell yet. I'm sorry if I got you into trouble. Maybe we don't have to, you know... unless you really want to. -I'm sorry if I got you into trouble. Maybe we don't have to, you know... unless you really want to. Yeah. -Charles. Charles. Have you been keeping out of my shit? Have you refrained from entering the sacred precincts of my room? -Charles. Have you been keeping out of my shit? Have you refrained from entering the sacred precincts of my room? I have not touched your sh-- Stuff. You watching this? -I have not touched your sh-- Stuff. You watching this? Watching what? -Watching what? Nixon, doofus! It's incredible. He should be shot. -Hello, Charles. Greetings, Charles. -How are the parental units functioning these days? Dad's like doing his Up With People routine, mom hasn't been saying much. -Dad's like doing his Up With People routine, mom hasn't been saying much. I don't know. Dad seems a little weird. -I don't know. Dad seems a little weird. Yeah well wait till mom opens her mouth. -May I operate your telephonic apparatus? Why don't you use the phone downstairs? -Why don't you use the phone downstairs? Calling an individual, Charles, in New York. Confirming a social outing for Friday night. -Calling an individual, Charles, in New York. Confirming a social outing for Friday night. Can I come? -Can I come? It's a one-on-one kind of date thing. -It's a one-on-one kind of date thing. With who? -With who? Her name's Libbets. -Her name's Libbets. Libbets? What kind of a name is Libbets? -Hood residence. Charles, what time is it? -Charles, what time is it? Is this Charles? -Is this Charles? What time is it? -What time is it? Um, ten-o-five. Why? Where are you? -Um, ten-o-five. Why? Where are you? I'm, uh, in the midst of a moral dilemma. And I was wondering, because I know you're a very moral person, and -- -I'm, uh, in the midst of a moral dilemma. And I was wondering, because I know you're a very moral person, and -- And? -And? Shit. I can't really talk about it. I guess I better get to the train. -Shit. I can't really talk about it. I guess I better get to the train. Right. -Right. What are you doing at home on a Friday night? -What are you doing at home on a Friday night? I have plans. -Hey Wendy. Hey Sandy. -Hey Sandy. Mikey was looking for you. -Mikey was looking for you. Yeah? See ya. -Well, you can... Hey Sandy, what were you blowing up out there? Your mom was pretty p.o.'d. -Hey Sandy, what were you blowing up out there? Your mom was pretty p.o.'d. All my model planes. -All my model planes. The ones you built? -The ones you built? They were old. And they couldn't fly anyhow. I'm going to get a radio-controlled airplane at Christmas, and then I'll stuff it full of m-80s and then fly it into Mrs. Burgess's English class and blow it up. -They were old. And they couldn't fly anyhow. I'm going to get a radio-controlled airplane at Christmas, and then I'll stuff it full of m-80s and then fly it into Mrs. Burgess's English class and blow it up. I have to go to the bathroom. -I have to go to the bathroom. Yeah. -Sandy, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing? -What are you doing? Just thought I'd stop by. -Just thought I'd stop by. Mike's out -- I think he went to Silver Meadow to see if you were hanging around there. -Mike's out -- I think he went to Silver Meadow to see if you were hanging around there. Yeah. -Yeah. Are you his girlfriend? -Are you his girlfriend? No. -He's dead. If it wasn't raining we could take him outside and blow him up. -If it wasn't raining we could take him outside and blow him up. He wouldn't blow up. He'd just get all mangled or twisted. -Well. It looks like someone got to his private parts before us. Communist Viet Cong. -Communist Viet Cong. They left it in the jungle. -We -- we have to go to the guest room. We can't stay in here. What if Mikey? My parents? Don't worry about them. They're at that party, getting drunk and falling all over each other and making jokes about McGovern and stuff. -Want a drink? Vodka? -Vodka? You never tasted the stuff? -It feels warm. One more shot? -One more shot? Okay. -Have you ever had a nocturnal emission? Huh? -Huh? That's the name for when you wake up and find this little pool of sticky stuff, like after a sexy dream. -I love you. That's nice. Are you drunk? -That's nice. Are you drunk? I don't know. How do I know? -I don't know. How do I know? I don't know either. You spin around, when you lie down. -Yes, sir. That's all, for now. -Didn't want to miss anything. Detective Dormer's not leaving for a few hours. -Detective Dormer's not leaving for a few hours. Good. -Good. Maybe you could drive him to Spencer's. -Maybe you could drive him to Spencer's. Sure. -Just after Leland Street. What's that, then? -Nice kid. Got a love affair with police work. Drives me crazy with it. -So far. What's the D.A. got them on? -What's the D.A. got them on? Four unwarranted shootings, witness intimidation, and cocaine theft. -That's I.A.'s pit bull. Wants me to keep him posted on all your movements up here. -And then I lost him. In the fog. About how long 'til you heard the suspect's second shot? -Will, you can't blame yourself. I had him! -I had him! It's only gonna make you crazy. -I have to get back. Too bad... -My partner... Detective Eckhart! I know! Welcome to Nightmute! -You did your homework, Officer. Actually... -Guess that's what they call Alaskan hospitality. Don't worry about him... -Don't give misdemeanors a bad rap. But they're so boring. All small stuff. -But they're so boring. All small stuff. It's all about the small stuff. Small lies. Small mistakes. Small oversights. People give themselves away in a traffic violation just as much as they do in a murder case. It's human nature. -Typical seventeen year-old. She went to a party Friday night? Down at a local dive the kids like to hang out in. -I want you to check this out, Ellie. We already did. -We already did. Do it again. -Do it again. But there wasn't any... -Who's that? The bartender at Darrow's. He was there Friday night. -The bartender at Darrow's. He was there Friday night. Good. He's up next. -This murder was in the papers, right? Yeah. All over. -Yeah. All over. Call all of them from here to Anchorage. Tell them we now know that Kay Connell left the party with a dark blue knapsack, but we haven't recovered it yet. We can get it in by the morning editions. -I could say the same thing about you. Oh. We always have play-offs in the middle of the night. It's the best time. -Oh. We always have play-offs in the middle of the night. It's the best time. Who's playing? -Who's playing? The Puffins and the Hawks. We're in extra innings. The Hawks have a really good line-up this year. -She your only sibling? Twelve years younger. -Oh, I shouldn't have... It's okay. Happened a long time ago. He was killed in a fire. In New Mexico. -It's okay. Happened a long time ago. He was killed in a fire. In New Mexico. That must have been awful for you. -I'm going back to the Lodge, Ellie. Still need to go through some of Kay Connell's school records. Okay. -But here's the thing. I retraced your exact steps according to your statement. You couldn't have seen Detective Eckhart from there. I mean, not in that fog. Then change it. -Then change it. How much closer would you say you were? -How much closer would you say you were? I don't remember. -I don't remember. Five feet? Seven feet? -Duggar called him? About an hour ago. Said he was more than happy to cooperate. -Not really. Isn't that the difference between a good cop and a bad cop? A good cop can't sleep 'cause a piece of the puzzle's missing. A bad cop can't sleep 'cause his conscience won't let him. You said that once, remember? -It's legitimate. Worth pursuing? -Walter Byrd killed Kay Connell. Her things are in the house. I know. -I know. Byrd's dead. -No. But I covered it up. I lied. Why? -What about your shoulder? Don't worry. I'll have a cool scar. -Sorry about... Where is he? -Thanks. I wish I'd had the chance to get to know him better. Take him fishing or something. -I wish I'd had the chance to get to know him better. Take him fishing or something. He would have liked that. -He would have liked that. We just gotta catch the bastard, right? -We just gotta catch the bastard, right? That's why I'm here. I need to know exactly what you saw yesterday, Farrell. -That's why I'm here. I need to know exactly what you saw yesterday, Farrell. What I saw? -What I saw? Anything. It's important. -Oh, you know. Don't feel that much. Bullet went right through. Right. Got lost in the rocks. -Right. Got lost in the rocks. We'll get the other one, though. -No. No fibers, skin flakes, hairs... -No fibers, skin flakes, hairs... Like I said, no. We know about those things up here. -She left the party early. Friends said she had a fight with her boyfriend and stormed out. What time was that? -What time was that? Around twelve-thirty. -Who was the last one to see her alive? Randy Stetz. Her boyfriend. We've questioned him, searched his place. Didn't find anything. -We're sure it's hers? Has her books in it. -I'll stick it in the evidence locker... No. -What are you doing here? I told her to come. -Dormer. Still no sign of the bullet that went through Farrell. I'm going to the hospital to talk to him now. You get the search party together. No fewer than thirty people. I'll meet you in exactly twenty-five minutes. Don't waste any time. -I'll call him now. First I need a copy of the key. -Forget your pager? What? -What? I beeped you over two hours ago. -Good. And something else that might interest you. -No. One of the paperbacks we found in Kay Connell's knapsack. -That's right. Mrs. Connell found this copy in the house. It's signed. Personally. -Mrs. Connell found this copy in the house. It's signed. Personally. So? -So? This is a local writer. Kay had all his books. I think we should check it out. -Where you signed this? That's right. -That's right. What happened at that signing? -What happened at that signing? She flattered me about my writing. Asked if she could visit me. To talk about my books. -She flattered me about my writing. Asked if she could visit me. To talk about my books. Did she? -Did she? Yes. Not that much at first. But then she became more comfortable. Started visiting me every week... -She wasn't happy. I was someone to talk to. How do you mean? -How do you mean? That boyfriend. Randy. -Randy Stetz? That's right. -Are you sure about that? She'd come to me, sometimes in the middle of the night. Bruises all over her back, her upper arms. I pled with her to let me call the police, but she wouldn't hear it. Wanted to keep it a secret. -Eight years. Seven years. -They're all over everybody. "I.A.'s calling themselves the ""Corruption Task Force."" Can you believe that? Trying to root out any mistakes or ""oversights"" any other Detectives may have made over the years. They're turning it into a witch hunt. Something on the news about it practically every night." -He knew exactly what we'd be looking for. Made sure to cover up all his tracks. Even the best make mistakes. -What do you want to talk about? You know what about. -We'll talk when we get back to Seattle. When's that, a week? Two weeks?... We have to figure out a plan of action now. -When's that, a week? Two weeks?... We have to figure out a plan of action now. You know my plan of action. -You know my plan of action. To do nothing. -To do nothing. That's right. -That's right. Dammit, Will. Warfield had me locked up in his office again for five hours yesterday. Five hours. Asking all kinds of questions... -Dammit, Will. Warfield had me locked up in his office again for five hours yesterday. Five hours. Asking all kinds of questions... He's asking everybody questions. -He's asking everybody questions. But he's zeroing in on me. On us. Everyone's talking about it. -But he's zeroing in on me. On us. Everyone's talking about it. He's just rattling your cage. -He's just rattling your cage. Well, I gotta tell you. With a wife, three kids, and a pension plan in the balance, it's rattling hard. -Well, I gotta tell you. With a wife, three kids, and a pension plan in the balance, it's rattling hard. We say nothing. It goes away. Simple as that. -Weston Dobbs killed an eight year-old boy and left him hanging in the basement like a piece of meat. You remember that? You know I remember that. -You know I remember that. One word to I.A. and he walks. -One word to I.A. and he walks. Maybe not. We could talk to Buck... -Maybe not. We could talk to Buck... No way. -No way. Cut some kind of a deal. I heard that's what Flynn's doing... -Cut some kind of a deal. I heard that's what Flynn's doing... Mike Flynn's a dirty cop, Hap! We are nothing like Mike Flynn. We did what we needed to do to make sure that son-of- bitch Dobbs paid for what he did. And every bastard like him. We say one word about it and every case we ever brought in is going to blow wide open and they'll all walk. Every last one. And I am not going to let that happen. No deals. No compromises. No discussions. -Well her mother didn't buy them for her. What are we thinking? -Looks like the natives are restless. Will? -I wish I could stick it out like you. I just, with Trish and the kids... Don't do this, Hap... -I'm thinking I could get off with probation. Keep half my pension. That's all I want. Goddammit, Hap. Think about what you're doing... -Goddammit, Hap. Think about what you're doing... You don't have to be involved, Will. -You don't have to be involved, Will. You tell Buck and I'm involved whether I like it or not... -Your friend's all business. I'm always all business. -I got it. Don't know why I bother. It's been broken for two years. Habit. -Fred Duggar? No. He didn't say what his name was. Only that you were expecting him. -No. He didn't say what his name was. Only that you were expecting him. I'm not expecting anyone. -I'm not expecting anyone. That's not what he thinks. -That's not what he thinks. What did he look like? -Will...I... What is it? -What is it? There's a guy down the hall. Complaining about the noise. Says he can't sleep. -One of your cases? Me and Hap. A year and a half ago. I knew the second I met Dobbs that he was guilty. Smug, cold. Dead eyes. We had circumstantial evidence, but nothing to tie him to it. Nothing concrete. Went over every inch of that apartment. -Will. There've been other cases. Where we've changed results. Pushed witnesses. Manipulated evidence. But Dobbs. I wanted Dobbs more than anything. -What if someone finds out? We're under investigation now. Back in Seattle. Hap wanted to talk. As soon as we got back. Thought he could work out some kind of deal. -Did you love her? Huh? -Huh? Kay Connell. Did you love her? -"""She was nice."" Wow. That makes me all soft inside. Ever occur to you she didn't love you back?" Huh? -Huh? You heard me that time. -You heard me that time. She loved me. She wanted to see me every night. -She loved me. She wanted to see me every night. But she was seeing someone else on the side. -I don't know what you're fucking talking about. Friday night, at the party - what'd you fight about? -Friday night, at the party - what'd you fight about? Stuff. -Stuff. What kind of stuff? -What kind of stuff? Just stuff. I don't fucking remember. -Just stuff. I don't fucking remember. The other guy? -The other guy? I told you I don't remember. -I told you I don't remember. After that she left the party to go to him. -After that she left the party to go to him. How should I know?... -How should I know?... Ran like hell to go to him... -Ran like hell to go to him... Fuck you, man! - I'm sick of all your fucking cop questions... -I don't know. You don't know. -You don't know. She didn't tell me. -Thought I smelled something. Good to see you, too, Randy. -I never met anyone from Seattle before. You're not missing much. -You're not missing much. What are you doing in this shit-hole town? -I was her best friend. Best friend? -Best friend? Since grade school. -Since grade school. That's a long time. -That's a long time. We were like sisters. Knew everything about each other. -We were like sisters. Knew everything about each other. Must be tough for you. What happened. -You want me to take you somewhere? Long as it's fun. -Hey... Thought you wanted something fun... -You and Kay were like sisters? That's what I said. -That's what I said. Told each other everything. That why your picture's torn up in the top drawer of her bureau? -No... Who was Kay seeing besides Randy Stetz? -I don't know. You don't know. -You don't know. She wouldn't tell me! -She wouldn't tell me! But you were such good friends... -It was like some big fucking secret! What was? -What was? She kept saying she was gonna get out of here. Leave us all behind. That he was going to take her! -She kept saying she was gonna get out of here. Leave us all behind. That he was going to take her! Who? -Who? My arm! -My arm! Who? -Who? She used some stupid code name. -She used some stupid code name. What was it? -What was it? Brody...I don't know... ...Something Brody! -No game. The phone call. The knapsack. -I'm sorry? I said you're going to get a phone call. -I said you're going to get a phone call. Oh? -Oh? Kay Connell had a signed copy of one of your books. -Kay Connell had a signed copy of one of your books. Thought you might find that. -Thought you might find that. You're going to be brought in for questioning. -Down at the station? Yes down at the station. -She was only seventeen. But she was an attractive girl. -But she was an attractive girl. I suppose. -I suppose. Did you have sex with her? -No. But you wanted to. -But you wanted to. I was a mentor to her. -You gave her gifts. Yes. -Yes. Expensive dresses. A heart necklace. -Expensive dresses. A heart necklace. Yes. -Yes. Doesn't sound like a mentor to me. -Doesn't sound like a mentor to me. I gave her things she didn't have. Couldn't have. -What about him? He. Well, he... -Randy Stetz is in jail. Told you I could write an ending. -Told you I could write an ending. Congratulations. -I thought maybe we could talk some more. There's nothing more to talk about. -There's nothing more to talk about. But we work so well together... -What the hell do you know? Kay told me. She comes to me, you know. Tells me things. About you. About me. -I told you that was an accident! Then so was mine... -Then so was mine... Don't you pull that shit with me. -Don't you pull that shit with me. I didn't want to kill her, Will. -Couldn't get it up, Walter? It was when I went to kiss her. She started laughing. I got angry. After all I'd given her. All I'd shared with her. I just wanted to make her stop. That's all. -Yes. Like that. This an accident, Walter? -This an accident, Walter? If you want it to be... -Where's your back-up? No back-up. -No back-up. You're not following procedure. -You're not following procedure. Procedure went out the window a long time ago. -Wild card. Drop the gun, Walter. -Monstrous. Yes, and very beautiful. -Yes, and very beautiful. Your lips, they didn't move. -Your lips, they didn't move. They did, but too fast for you to see them. No magic, just grace and speed. -Disappointing, isn't it? To come so far and find so little. Jaded ingenues, amusing themselves with make- believe... We had feared we were the only ones... -We had feared we were the only ones... But how did you come into existence? -You don't want to answer... Two vampires from the new world, come to guide us into the new era as all we love slowly rots and fades away. Are you the leader of tis group? -Are you the leader of tis group? If there were a leader, I would be the one. -So you have the answers... Ah! You have questions? -Ah! You have questions? What are we? -What are we? Nothing if not vampires... -Nothing if not vampires... Who made us what we are? -Who made us what we are? Surely you know the one who made you... -Surely you know the one who made you... But the one who made him, who made the one who made him, the source of all this evil... -That is a picture, nothing more. You mean we are not children of Satan? -You mean we are not children of Satan? No. -I understand. I saw you in the theatre, your suffering, your sympathy for that girl. I saw you with the boy. You die when you kill, you feel you deserve to die and you stint on nothing. But does that make you evil? Or, since you comprehend what you call goodness, does it not make you good? Then there is nothing. -Then there is nothing. Perhaps... -And perhaps this is the only real evil left... Then God does not exist... -Then God does not exist... I have not spoken to him... -I have not spoken to him... And no vampire here has discourse with God or the Devil? -And no vampire here has discourse with God or the Devil? None that I've ever known. I know nothing of God or the Devil, I have never seen a vision nor learnt a secret that would damn or save my soul. And as far as I know, after four hundred years I am the oldest living vampire in the world. -My God... So it's as I always feared. Nothing, leading to nothing. You fell too much. So much you make me feel... -The one who made you should have told you this. The one who left the old world for the new... He knew nothing. He just didn't care. -He knew nothing. He just didn't care. Knew? You mean he is... -I was waiting for you... Listen to me. -Claudia is dear to me. My... daughter. Your lover. -Your lover. No, my beloved, my child. -No, my beloved, my child. If you say so. You are innocent. -If you say so. You are innocent. I'm not innocent. But I'm afraid. She feels she's in danger from the others. -I'm not innocent. But I'm afraid. She feels she's in danger from the others. She is. -She is. But why? -But why? I could give you reasons. Her silence. Her youth. It's forbidden to make so young, so helpless, that cannot survive on its own. -I could give you reasons. Her silence. Her youth. It's forbidden to make so young, so helpless, that cannot survive on its own. Then blame the one who made her... -Then blame the one who made her... Did you kill this vampire who made you both? Is that why you won't say his name? Santiago thinks you did. -Did you kill this vampire who made you both? Is that why you won't say his name? Santiago thinks you did. We want no quarrel with him. -We want no quarrel with him. It's already begun. If you want to save her, send her away. -It's already begun. If you want to save her, send her away. Then I leave too. -So soon? Without any of those answers you so longed for? You said there were none. -You said there were none. But you asked the wrong questions. Do you know how few vampires have the stamina for immortality? How quickly they perish of their own will. -But you asked the wrong questions. Do you know how few vampires have the stamina for immortality? How quickly they perish of their own will. We can do that? -We can do that? You would never give up life. If the world were reduced to one empty cell, on fragile candle, you stay alive and study it. You see too clearly. You see too much. -You would never give up life. If the world were reduced to one empty cell, on fragile candle, you stay alive and study it. You see too clearly. You see too much. That's what the one who made me said. -That's what the one who made me said. How he must have loved you. -And the vampires of the Theatre? Like moths around the candle of the age. Decadent, useless. They can't reflect anything. But you do. You reflect its broken heart. -Are these not the answers you came for? Yes... My God... -Yes... My God... A vampire with a human soul. An immortal with a mortal's passion. You are beautiful, my friend. Lestat must have wept when he made you -- -A vampire with a human soul. An immortal with a mortal's passion. You are beautiful, my friend. Lestat must have wept when he made you -- Lestat! You knew Lestat! -Lestat! You knew Lestat! Yes I knew him. Knew him well enough not to mourn his passing. -Where is she? Where's Claudia? Follow me - that way - through my cell - -Not without Claudia. Where is she? I can't save her. -I can't save her. You can't believe I'd leave without her. Armand! You must save her! You have no choice. -You can't believe I'd leave without her. Armand! You must save her! You have no choice. Louis, I can't save her. I will only risk losing you - -I couldn't prevent it. I don't believe you. I do not have to read your soul to know that you lie. -I don't believe you. I do not have to read your soul to know that you lie. Louis, they cannot be brought back. There are some things that are impossible, even for me. -Louis, they cannot be brought back. There are some things that are impossible, even for me. You let them do it. -You held sway over them. They feared you. You wanted it to happen. Louis, I swear I did not. -Louis, I swear I did not. I understand you only too well. You let them do it, as I let Lestat turn a child into a demon. As I let her rip Lestat's heart to pieces! Well I am no longer that passive fool that has spun evil from evil till the web traps the one who made it. Your melancholy spirit of this century! I know what I must do. And i warn you - you saved me tonight, so I return the favour - do not go near your cell in the Theatre Des Vampires again. -You didn't even warm them, did you? No. -No. And yet you knew what I would o. -And yet you knew what I would o. I knew. I rescued you, didn't I? From the terrible dawn. -I knew. I rescued you, didn't I? From the terrible dawn. You were their leader. They trusted you. -You were their leader. They trusted you. You made me see their failings, Louis. You made me look at them with your eyes. -Your melancholy eyes... What a pair we are. We deserve each other, don't we? -What a pair we are. We deserve each other, don't we? We are a pair, and that's what counts. -More. Yes, cherie, of course you want more. And I'll show you how to get it. You drink from morals, my beauty, but from me? Never again. -I want some more. It's bet in the beginning, lest the death takes you down with it. yes, that's it. My child. My beloved child. -I'm not your daughter. Yes you are, my dearest. You are mine and Louis' daughter. You see Louis was going to leave us. He was going to go away. But now he's not. He's going to stay and make you happy. -Why always on this night? What night? What do you mean? -What night? What do you mean? You always give me the doll on the same night of the year. -You always give me the doll on the same night of the year. I didn't realise. -I didn't realise. Is this my birthday? -Some of these are so old and tattered. You should throw them away. I have. Or there would be twice as many. -I have. Or there would be twice as many. But you're the fairest by far. -But you're the fairest by far. You dress me like a doll. You make my hair like a doll. Why? -Which of you did it? Which of you made me the way I am? What you are? You would be something other than you are? -What you are? You would be something other than you are? And if I cut my hair again? -And if I cut my hair again? It will grow back again! -It will grow back again! But it wasn't always so! I had a mother once! And Louis - he had a wife! He was mortal the same as she! And so was I! -You made us what we are, didn't you? Stop her Louis! -Stop her Louis! DID YOU DO IT TO ME???? -Why yours alone? Tell me how it was done!!!! Be glad I made you what you are! You'd be dead not if I hadn't. -What is it now? You irritate me! Your very presence irritates me! Does it? -Does it? Yes. And I'll tell you something else! I've met someone who will make a better vampire than both of you. -Yes. And I'll tell you something else! I've met someone who will make a better vampire than both of you. Is that supposed to frighten me? -Is that supposed to frighten me? You're spoilt because you're an only child. You need a brother. Or I do. I'm weary of you both. -You're spoilt because you're an only child. You need a brother. Or I do. I'm weary of you both. I suppose we could people the world with vampires, the three of us. -I suppose we could people the world with vampires, the three of us. Not you my dear. -Not you my dear. You're a liar. But you upset my plans. -You're a liar. But you upset my plans. What plans? -What plans? I came to make peace with you, even if you're the father of lies. I want things to be as they were. -Stop pestering me then! Oh, Lestat. I must do more than that. I've brought a present for you. -Oh, Lestat. I must do more than that. I've brought a present for you. Then I hope its a beautiful woman with endowments you will never possess. -Oh, Claudia, you've outdone yourself. Where did you find them? Drunk on brandy wine. A thimblefull. I thought of you when I saw them. -Drunk on brandy wine. A thimblefull. I thought of you when I saw them. We forgive each other then? -Absinthe? You gave then absinthe? No. Laudanum. -Laudanum! Yes. It killed them, unfortunately. But it keeps the blood warm. -Don't Louis -- Louis, put me in my coffin... -Louis, put me in my coffin... I'll put you in your coffin. Forever. -I want more. What have you done? -How did you learn to write, Claudia? The way I learn everything. By watching you. -But you never let me see you kill, Louis. Lestat taught you all you need to know about that. -Lestat taught you all you need to know about that. Infant death, he calls me. Sweet daughter death. You know what he calls you? Merciful death. -Infant death, he calls me. Sweet daughter death. You know what he calls you? Merciful death. He jests. -He jests. Why does he call you that? -Why does he call you that? Hush, Claudia don't talk about such things. Show me your book. -Claudia! You did that? Sit still. It's not finished - -You want me to be a doll forever? Claudia - don't - -Claudia - don't - Why not? -We're immortal. You've always known that. Tell me why...you've got to tell me... -You see the old woman? That will never happen to you. You'll never grow old. You will never die. And it means something else too, doesn't it? I shall never, ever grow up. -You... fed on me? And he found me with you. I ran, sickened at what I'd done. Then he cut his wrist and fed you from him. I tried to stop him, but you were a vampire then. And have been every night hereafter. -And he found me with you. I ran, sickened at what I'd done. Then he cut his wrist and fed you from him. I tried to stop him, but you were a vampire then. And have been every night hereafter. You both did it? -You both did it? I took your life. He gave you another one. -But now's the time to end it, Louis. Now's the time to leave him. He'll never let us go. -Lestat. Oh, God forgive us. Don't mock me, Louis. Help me. -He's dead, Claudia, dead. The one good lesson he taught me, Louis. Never drink from the dead. -Should we burn him? Bury him? What would he have liked, Louis? Don't mock, Claudia... -Don't mock, Claudia... The swamp... -In Europe, Louis. We shall meet our own kind. Find the one who made him. Learn what it means. And suppose the one who made him knows nothing and the vampire who made him knows nothing, and it goes back, nothing proceeding from nothing, until there is nothing! And we must live with the knowledge that there is no knowledge. -He belongs with those reptiles, Louis. He deserved to die. Then maybe so do we. Every night of our lives. He was my brother. My maker. He gave me this life, whatever it is. -Then maybe so do we. Every night of our lives. He was my brother. My maker. He gave me this life, whatever it is. I did it for us, Louis. So we could be free. -Louis, look at me. I can't. Go away from me. -You never talked to me like that - in all these years. And you never cried - -And you never cried - I can't bear it when you do - I would die rather than lose you Louis. I would die the way he died. -Hush, Claudia, hush now my dear - Tell me you don't hate me Louis. I did it for you - -What was that? The workmen must have a trunk - don't stop, cherie - -It can't be - It is! Take the back stairwell - -The ship is sailing wihout us! Not yet. -How do I look? Still my beautiful child. -A beautiful child! Is that what you still think I am? Yes... -You want me to be your daughter forever, don't you? Yes. -Yes. Well tell me, papa. What was it like making love? -You don't remember? Or you never knew. It was something hurries...and seldom savoured... something acute that was quickly lost. It was the pale shadow of killing. -It was something hurries...and seldom savoured... something acute that was quickly lost. It was the pale shadow of killing. But how will I ever know, Louis? -Or her, or her - or any of them? Claudia, you torture yourself. -Claudia, you torture yourself. They are ducklings, that will grow into swans. Whereas I must be the duckling forever. -They are ducklings, that will grow into swans. Whereas I must be the duckling forever. You are more beautiful than any of them. -Are they my kind Louis? Dolls never change either. You are neither, Claudia. Now stop this -- -You know her? Yes. Should I take her, Louis? Among her dolls? make a doll of her in turn? -Yes. Should I take her, Louis? Among her dolls? make a doll of her in turn? Come, Claudia... -But this can't be real. This is nonsense. Nonsense all right. But something tell me it's going to be the strangest nonsense we've ever seen. -Mortals, mortals everywhere. And lots of drops to drink. They are here. I know they are. Listen for something that doesn't make a sound. -They use no paint. And the audience think it is paint. How devilishly clever. -She's no vampire. No. She's frightened. She doesn't know where she is. -This is no performance. And no one knows but us... -This is monstrous! Yes, and very beautiful. -I've seen enough of this! I loathe it! Be still! -I lothe them! I can't stand the sight of them! Stupid bourgeois Parisians, all dressed in black like some private club! I've searched for them the world over and I despise them! What danger? -What danger? I can feel it from them! They want to know who made us, what became of him. They have their rules, their idiotic rules! -Do you think I would let them harm you? No, you would not, Louis. Danger hold you to me. -No, you would not, Louis. Danger hold you to me. Love holds you to me. And we are in danger, not you. -Love holds you to me. And we are in danger, not you. Love? -You would leave me for Armand if he beckoned you. Never. -Never. He wants you as you want him. He's been waiting for you. He wants you for a companion. He bides his time that place. he finds them as dull and lifeless as we do. -He wants you as you want him. He's been waiting for you. He wants you for a companion. He bides his time that place. he finds them as dull and lifeless as we do. That's not so. -That's not so. Do you know what his soul said to me without saying a word? When he put me in that trance... -Do you know what his soul said to me without saying a word? When he put me in that trance... So you felt it too! -So you felt it too! Let him go, he said. Let him go. -He can protect us, Claudia. You really believe that? -How do we seem to you? Do you think us beautiful, magical, our white skin, our fierce eyes? Drink, you ask me! Have you any idea of the thing you will become? Your evil is that you cannot be evil! And I will suffer for it no longer! -Your evil is that you cannot be evil! And I will suffer for it no longer! Don't make me, Claudia! I cannot do it! -Don't make me, Claudia! I cannot do it! Yet you could do it to me! Snatching me from my mother's hands like two monsters in a fairy-tale! Couldn't you have waited? Six more years and I would have had that shape! And now you weep! You haven't tears enough for what you've done to me. -Oh God! I love you still, that's the torment of it. But you know I must leave you Louis... Yes... -Yes... And who will care for me my love, my dark angel, when you are gone? -She is dying. It happened to you too, but your child's mind can't remember. But if she dies... -But if she dies... It's only mortal death. -Bear me no ill will, my love. We are now even. What do you mean? -What do you mean? What died tonight inside that room was not that woman. It will take her many nights to die, perhaps yeaars. What has died in that room tonight is the last vestige in me of what was human. -They would have killed you - Then my luck would have changed. -Then my luck would have changed. You want death? Is it death you want? -You want death? Is it death you want? Yes... -Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my house? And a beautiful house it is too. Yours is a good life, isn't it? -You're not afraid of anything, are you? Why should I be? -What do you want from me? I've come to answer your prayers. You want to die, don't you? Life has no meaning anymore, does it? -Diane!!!! They are gone, Louis. Death took them. Death which you can now destroy... -They are gone, Louis. Death took them. Death which you can now destroy... NO!!!!! -You have to ask me for this. You have to want it, do you hear me? Give it to me!!! -Give it to me!!! Vampires. We thrive on blood. -Vampires. We thrive on blood. I want it! -You let your overseer run riot, work your slaves to the bone. We'll start with him. How do you mean, start? -How do you mean, start? Call him. -Let's call that a start. I can't do it. -I can't do it. You've just done it - -You've just done it - Kill me if you will, but I can't do this... -Don't worry. He was white trash, they come at two a penny. I dumped him in the swamp and untied the slave, licked his wounds clean. You're the devil, aren't you? That's who you are. -You're the devil, aren't you? That's who you are. I wish I were. But if I were, what would I want with you? -I wish I were. But if I were, what would I want with you? I can't go through with it, I tell you. -I can't go through with it, I tell you. Your perfect. Your bitter and you're strong. -Your perfect. Your bitter and you're strong. But why do you want me? -But why do you want me? Because you're as strong as I was when I was alive. -You really want to be with them? Yes. Kill me. Kill me like you promised - -Yes. Kill me. Kill me like you promised - You asked for death. I didn't promise it - -Did I hear a yes? Yes... -You're sure? Sure... -You're body's dying. Pay no attention. It will take twenty minutes at most. Dying? -Come, you're going to feed now. I want a woman. -Take him. The crucifix - -The crucifix - Forget the crucifix. Take him. -What have I done? You have fed. You were made for this... -Dear God, what have I done? You've killed Louis. And enjoyed it. -Yes, that's you, my handsome friend. And you'll look that way till the stars fall from heaven. It can't be... -It can't be... Give it time. You're like a man who loses a limb and still imagines he feels pain. It will pass. And we must sleep now. I can feel the sun approaching. -You must get into it. It's the only safe place for you when the light comes. And if I don't? -And if I don't? The sun will destroy the blood I've given you. Every tissue, every vein. The fire in this lantern could do that too. -You'll get used to killing. Just forget about that mortal coil. You'll become accustomed to things all too quickly. Do you think so? -I know. It gets cold so fast. We can live like this? Off the blood of animals? -There's nothing in the world now that doesn't hold some... Fascination... -Fascination... Yes. And I'm bored with this prattle -- -But we can live without taking human life. It's possible. Anything is possible. But just try it for a week. Come into New Orleans and let me show you some real sport! -Have you ever been caught? Of course not. It's so easy you almost feel sorry for them. -The trick is not to think about it. See that one? The widow St. Clair? she had that gorgeous young fop murder her husband. She's perfect for you. Go ahead. But how do you know? -But how do you know? Read her thoughts. -Read her thoughts. I can't. -I can't. The dark gift is different for each of us. But one thing is true of everyone. We grow stronger as we go along. -What have you done to me? You've condemned me to hell. I don't know any hell - -Consider yourself lucky. In Paris a vampire has to be clever for many reasons. Here all one needs is a pair of fangs. Paris? You came from Paris? -Paris? You came from Paris? As did the one who made me. -As did the one who made me. Tell me about him. You must have lernt something from him! It had to happen for you as it did for me! -Tell me about him. You must have lernt something from him! It had to happen for you as it did for me! I learnt absolutely nothing. I wasn't give a choice, remember? -I learnt absolutely nothing. I wasn't give a choice, remember? But you must know something about the meaning of it all, you must know where we come from, why we... -They know about us. They see us dine on empty plates and drink from empty glasses. Come the New Orleans then. There's an opera on tonight. A real french opera! We can dine in splendour! -Come the New Orleans then. There's an opera on tonight. A real french opera! We can dine in splendour! I respect life, don't you see? For each and every human life I have respect. -I respect life, don't you see? For each and every human life I have respect. Respect me a little then. I'm the only life you know. -You fool, what have you done? What you wouldn't do. It's almost sunrise. It will be the sun or the fire. You said they can kill me. The sun or the fire! -Where are we? Where do you think, my idiot friend? We're in a nice filthy cemetery. Does this make you happy? Is this fitting and proper enough? -We belong in hell. And what if there is no hell, or they don't want us there? Ever think of that? -What, no flowery speeches? About what a monster I am? What a vulgar fiend? I'm not interested in you. You disgust me. I'm interested in my own nature and know I can't trust you to tell me the truth about me. -I'm not interested in you. You disgust me. I'm interested in my own nature and know I can't trust you to tell me the truth about me. What do you imagine you are Louis? -What do you imagine you are Louis? I don't pretend to know. -I don't pretend to know. Don't you understand, Louis, that you alone of all creatures can see death with impunity... you alone under the rising moon can strike like the hand of God. -Lestat, she's alive!!!! Vampires are killers. Predators, who's all seeing eyes were meant to give them detachment. -The girl, Lestat - I know. Let her alone. -Why do you do this Lestat? I like to do it. I enjoy it. Take you aesthete's taste to purer things. Kill them swiftly if you will, but do it! For now doubt, you are a killer Louis. Ah! -Lestat - finish this - You finish her - if you feel so much - -Unless I make her one of us... NO!!! -NO!!! THEN YOU KILL HER!!!!! -My God... to think you... are all I have to learn from... In the old world, they called it the dark gift, Louis. And I gave it to you. -Pain is terrible for you. You feel it like no other creature because you are a vampire. You don't want it to go on. No... -Do what it is in your nature to do. And you will feel as you felt with that child in your arms. Oh God Lestat. I felt peace. I felt an end to the craving. -Oh God Lestat. I felt peace. I felt an end to the craving. That and more. -Evil is a point of view. God kills, indiscriminately, and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are, none so like him as ourselves. Is God merciless? Greedy and cruel? -Is God merciless? Greedy and cruel? Ah, but we have even more in common with our creator. come, I am like a mother tonight. I want a child. -She's here, your wounded one. What are you saying? -What are you saying? You need company, Louis. More congenial than mine... -Lestat! You remember how you wanted her, the taste of her - -You remember how you wanted her, the taste of her - I didn't want to kill her. -I didn't want to kill her. Don't worry, Louis, you're conscience is clear. You left her alive. -Claudia, Claudia, listen to me. You're ill, my precious and I'm going to give you what you need to get well. Lestat, what do you mean? -You are the devil! You are the instrument of Satan! That's enough, cherie. Stop before the heart stops. -Your mama's left you with us. She wants you to be happy. You are the devil! You are the instrument of Satan! -You are the devil! You are the instrument of Satan! Shhhh! Do you want to frighten our little daughter? -Claudia, Claudia, will you never learn? Who will we get now to finish your dress? A little practicality, cherie... She would sleep in my coffin, daily, curl her child's fingers round my hair as she dreamt of I know not what... -Claudia! Don't do this thing!!! Louis, Louis, I gave you the gift --- help me --- -No... You come back to me Louis... Are you mad???? -You'll come home with me Louis? Fro a little while... until I am myself again. CLAUDIA!!! -I'm so glad you're here Louis... I've dreamed of your coming... Don't try to speak... it's alright... -Don't try to speak... it's alright... I didn't mean to let them do it... that Santiago, he tricked me... -I didn't mean to let them do it... that Santiago, he tricked me... That's all past, Lestat. -That's all past, Lestat. Yes. Past... she should never have been one of us... -Still beautiful Louis. You always were the strong one. Don't fear me, Lestat. I bring you no harm. -Don't fear me, Lestat. I bring you no harm. You've come back to me, Louis? You've come again to me? -It's only a siren... I can't bear it Louis! The machines out there, that fly and that roar! And such lights! They make the night brighter than the day! -I can't bear it Louis! The machines out there, that fly and that roar! And such lights! They make the night brighter than the day! And they frighten you? -And they frighten you? You know I love the dark. But there's no dark anymore. -You know I love the dark. But there's no dark anymore. It's false light, Lestat. It can't harm you... -It's false light, Lestat. It can't harm you... If you stayed with me Louis, I could venture out... little by little... become the old Lestat. -I have to go now Lestat... You remember how I was, Louis.. the vampire Lestat... -You remember how I was, Louis.. the vampire Lestat... Yes. I remember... -I tried to tell you Louis... that night in Paris... when I first came to you... no-one can refuse the dark gift, Louis... not even you. I tried... -I tried... And the more you tried, the more I wanted you... a vampire with your beautiful, suffering human heart. And how you suffered... I need your forgiveness, Louis. -And the more you tried, the more I wanted you... a vampire with your beautiful, suffering human heart. And how you suffered... I need your forgiveness, Louis. You have it... -So you want me to tell you the story of my life... That's what I do. I interview people. I collect lives. F.M. radio. F.F.R.C. I just interviewed a genuine hero, a cop who - -That's what I do. I interview people. I collect lives. F.M. radio. F.F.R.C. I just interviewed a genuine hero, a cop who - You'd have to have a lot of tape for my story. I've had a very unusual life. -You'd have to have a lot of tape for my story. I've had a very unusual life. So much the better. I've got a pocket full of tapes. -So much the better. I've got a pocket full of tapes. You followed me here, didn't you? -You followed me here, didn't you? Saw you in the street outside. You seemed interesting. Is this where you live? -Saw you in the street outside. You seemed interesting. Is this where you live? It's just a room... -It's just a room... So shall we begin? What do yo do? -So shall we begin? What do yo do? I'm a vampire. -See? I knew you were interesting. You mean this literally, I take it? Absolutely. I was watching you watching me. I was waiting for you in that alleyway. And then you began to speak. -Absolutely. I was watching you watching me. I was waiting for you in that alleyway. And then you began to speak. Well, what a lucky break for me. -Well, what a lucky break for me. Perhaps lucky for both of us. -You were going to kill me? Drink my blood? Yes but you needn't worry about that now. Things change. -You believe this, don't you? That you're a vampire? You really think... We can't begin this way. Let me turn on the light. -We can't begin this way. Let me turn on the light. But I thought vampires didn't like the light. -But I thought vampires didn't like the light. We love it. I only wanted to prepare you. -How did you do that? The same way you do it. A series of simple gestures. Only I moved too fast for you to see. I'm flesh and blood, you see. But not human. I haven't been human for two hundred years. -What can I do to put you at ease? Shall we begin like David Copperfield? I am born, I grow up. Or shall we begin when I was born to darkness, as I call it. That's really where we should start, don't you think? You're not lying to me, are you? -You're not lying to me, are you? Why should I lie? 1791 was the year it happened. I was twenty-four - younger than you are now. -Why should I lie? 1791 was the year it happened. I was twenty-four - younger than you are now. Yes. -Yes. But times were different then. I was a man at that age. The master of a large plantation just south of New Orleans... -You said the slave had a crucifix... Oh, that rumour about crosses? -Oh, that rumour about crosses? You can't look at them... -You can't look at them... Nonsense, my friend. I can look on anything I like. And I am particularly fond of looking on crucifixes. -Nonsense, my friend. I can look on anything I like. And I am particularly fond of looking on crucifixes. The story about stakes through the heart? -The story about stakes through the heart? The same. As you would say today... Bull shit. -The same. As you would say today... Bull shit. What about coffins? -What about coffins? Coffins... coffins unfortunately are a necessity... -You loved Yvette... Can a vampire feel love? -Can a vampire feel love? You loved your wife, surely. -You loved your wife, surely. I was human then. Might as well ask can an angel feel love. Both are blesses or cursed with a certain... detachment. Though whether angels take as long to learn it as I, I will never know. -Shall we go on? He did it to make you stay with him! -He did it to make you stay with him! Perhaps. He knew me. He knew I would love her more than the waking world. But there was more to it than that. Perhaps in the end he did it -- to show me that he could. For he lavished affection on her, there was no doubt about that. Life was very different with madame Claudia, as you can imagine... -But why did you tell her? How could I not? She had to know. -How could I not? She had to know. And did you lose her? Did she go? -And did you lose her? Did she go? Where would she have gone? She was a child, and beautiful, heartbreaking merciless child. And I had made her that... -Did he die in the fire? He was dead to us. We were free. That was all that mattered. -You found nothing? Peasant rumours, superstitions about garlic, crosses, stakes in the hear, all that - how do you say again? Bull shit. But one of our kind? Not a whisper. -Peasant rumours, superstitions about garlic, crosses, stakes in the hear, all that - how do you say again? Bull shit. But one of our kind? Not a whisper. No vampires in Transylvania? No Count Dracula? -No vampires in Transylvania? No Count Dracula? Fictions, my friend. The vulgar fictions of a demented Irishman... So we repaired to Paris... -Lestat escaped the fire! He hadn't even been there. And all those years I thought he was dead. -No... it can't end like that... But it has. There is no more to tell. -But it has. There is no more to tell. But you talk about passion, about longing, about things I'll never know in my life! It's still inside you, in every syllable you speak! And then you tell me it ends like that? Just empty? -But you talk about passion, about longing, about things I'll never know in my life! It's still inside you, in every syllable you speak! And then you tell me it ends like that? Just empty? It's over, I'm telling you... -It's over, I'm telling you... You need a new passion, Louis, a new reason to feel... what a story you've told, you don't understand yourself. -Is this what you want? You ask me for this after all I've told you? If I could see what you've seen, feel what you've felt I wouldn't let it end like this! You need a like to the world out there, a connection... then it won't end like this... -Dear God. I've failed again, haven't I? No... -No... Don't say anymore. The reels are still turning. I have but one chance to show you the meaning of what I've said. -You haven't the vaguest conception under God of what you ask! Au contraire, monsieur, I have. -You promise to care for her then? Yes... -Yes... And you know what you ask for? -Yes. What do you think she is, Madeleine? A doll? -What do you think she is, Madeleine? A doll? A child who can't die... -And the child who did die? My daughter... -Look at the gaslight. Don't tke your eyes off it. You will be drained to the point of death, but you must stay alive. Do you hear me? Yes! -What can I do for you? Checking in...Karla Wilson. -You're in 201 and 202. Is that bad? -Is that bad? Not at all. Those are our honeymoon suites. -Julie, we're talkin' suites! That'll be just fine with us. And, while you're here, our marginally trained, off-season staff of five will attend to your every need. -And, while you're here, our marginally trained, off-season staff of five will attend to your every need. Wait...Did you say off-season? -Wait...Did you say off-season? July fourth weekend. Storm season starts today. The clouds roll in like clockwork. -Duh. The next couple of days is gonna be rough, but we'll make it. What about a radio? -What about a radio? Sorry. Emergencies only. -Sorry. Emergencies only. What the hell would you call this? -What the hell would you call this? I'd call this four spoiled city kids who wouldn't know a hurricane if it blew up their butts. All we can do now is batten down and ride it out. If things get really bad, there's a storm shelter. -It sure is a beautiful old hotel. Built in 1948 for a member of the Rockefeller clan. The tile work was imported from Spain. A lot of history in these walls...Judy Garland stayed here...Hemmingway fished for marlin right off that dock -- -Your what? Honeymoon suites. I take it you kids haven't exchanged vows, yet? -Honeymoon suites. I take it you kids haven't exchanged vows, yet? We haven't exchanged anything. -Storm season? It's our version of winter. 201 and 202. There's Scrabble and Parcheesi in the lobby. Enjoy. -Listen to me. He's here. Who? Who is here? -I want off this island. Not possible, I'm afraid. The last ferry left hours ago. And we got a storm coming. There won't be another one for days. -Then I'll call the mainland for a charter. Phones went down a few minutes ago. -You'll go away with you're college friends, but you won't go away with me? Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. -Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What were you thinkng? -Jeez, Ray, fourth and forty, throw the bomb. I should go up there. I should call her back, tell her I'm coming. -I should go up there. I should call her back, tell her I'm coming. No way, man. Surprise her. She'll be psyched. -I don't know, man. Maybe we should keep going, find a phone -- No. -No. The guy looks dead. -Get lost, you scared me. Fish are all over the water...Come on, let us take a boat out. -Fish are all over the water...Come on, let us take a boat out. Titus, you're so stoned, you'd end up in Spain. -Titus, you're so stoned, you'd end up in Spain. That's why you'll come with Titus, mon. -There's a storm comin', Titus. No boats are going out. Storm is what makes it interesting. Thass why all the fish are up. Less hook us a couple big ones. -I got work to do. Take the bake elsewhere. Up-tighteous and self-righteous. -I thought you were out of town! What are you doing in my closet? -I thought you were out of town! What are you doing in my closet? -What are you doing in my closet? i just wanted your black pants, but I'm not ready to die for them! -That was heart attack time, Karla. No. When I put these skinny pants on my body...Now, that's heart attack time. -I'm not going anywhere. I'm fat, ugly, and depressed. Yeah, right -- whatever. -Yeah, right -- whatever. I think I just really hurt Ray's feelings. -I think I just really hurt Ray's feelings. Listen to me, Julie. Ray's a great guy, nothing against old Ray, but he's so...Ray. I mean, he lives in Southport. Will's a nice guy, too, and he lives right down the street. -There's nothing between Will and me. Yet. Nothing yet. -Say yes. No. -No. No means yes. -No means yes. Tyrell, I appreciate it, but have you seen my people dance? We make the mouth face, we move the fingers -- -Karla! Did you tell him I'd be here? Nope. I told him that you absolutely, positively would not be here at this bar between ten o'clock and eleven o'clock tonight. And then he came anyway. -That could break the machine. Julie, people who end up making rules like that end up beating their kids with wire hangers. It's a fact. -The number's unlisted... Would you relax? We've been dating three months. He ain't stalking your butt. -Would you relax? We've been dating three months. He ain't stalking your butt. Okay, okay. You're right. -Okay, okay. You're right. I know it, and it feels good. Hi, Ty. -You gotta sell his butt on the Bahamas? Ray, come on. I want us to be together. -He's not coming. I thought he was just... Julie, you left four messages... Four. -Julie, you left four messages... Four. But, he said he'd try. -But, he said he'd try. He said he'd try. Try is like maybe. Try is nothing! -He said he'd try. Try is like maybe. Try is nothing! He does work hard. -He does work hard. Work hard, huh? He's breaking your heart just because he can. And I don't want to have to say I told you so... -Work hard, huh? He's breaking your heart just because he can. And I don't want to have to say I told you so... Then, don't. -Oh! Hey, sorry... He's my friend, too. And that ticket is not going to waste. -I'm the King of the World. No, I'm the King of the World. -Remind me to study real hard so someday this is normal and all that back there is somethin' I do for a weekend once every ten years. I will, and you remind me of the same thing. -Hello? Hello? Where is everyone? I'll ask -- -Their stuff in there... ...and ours in here. Karla! You promised. -Karla! You promised. I also promised Tyrell. -Am I bad? I mean, he's really great, and he's cute -- He's cute...And he's got a crush on you... But... -He's cute...And he's got a crush on you... But... I miss Ray...I tried to call him. -Karaoke -- perfect. Don't even think about it. -Don't even think about it. Okay, I won't. -No way. Yes. -Yes. No. -No. Yes. -Yes. Not me...no way... -Think about this, Julie. What did you actually see? The dockhand guy. Hanging by his neck from up there. -You get any sleep at all? Some. -It's okay...He doesn't believe me. That's his right. I'm starting to think I'm crazy, too. Hey, slow down, turn off the little motor up in there...What do you say we go to the gym and work off a little stress? -Nice move. I'll be givin' your fisherman some of that and see how he likes it. -Cancer in a box. No, this is the safe sun. It's better than a day at the beach. -Karla! Just kidding. -I'm not crazy...I'm not crazy. He's here... We've got to get to the radio and call for help. I think we can classify this as an emergency situation. -Oh, stop it! He's dead. You killed him. Now, get over it. We gotta think here. They never found the body. -Julie... Only he wasn't dead. He killed Barry and Helen last July Fourth. -Let him go. I believe him. Come on, Julie. You saw his room. -What do you mean? Rio isn't the capital of Brazil. It was the wrong answer. Sorry, we lose. -I know I don't want to stay in here. We'll be better off in the open. If we stick together, maybe we can kill this creep for good. -Be careful, Julie. I've got to see. -Julie, the boats are gone, the phones are down. There's no way off this place. Then, we fight -- -I'm your best friend...You could have told me the truth about what happened. I would've understood. Karla, I just wanted the whole thing to be over. I didn't want to involve anybody else. -Karla, I just wanted the whole thing to be over. I didn't want to involve anybody else. It's too late for that. -There's no way to lock it. What do we do? -I don't know... Come on, you can make it. -Julie? I'm right here. Grab my hand. -I'm holding your hand! No, you're not. -No, you're not. ...Nancy? -Oh, god, it's you -- You're okay. Thank god. -You're okay. Thank god. Is he? -I got in early. I was excited... Who was that guy? Oh, that's Will. He's a friend. You'd like him. -Oh, that's Will. He's a friend. You'd like him. Yeah. -Yeah. Ray, we're just friend. -Ray, we're just friend. Every guy in history who tried to pick up a girl did the good-friend thing first. -Every guy in history who tried to pick up a girl did the good-friend thing first. Why are you being like this? -Ray, I can't... Can't what? -Can't what? I just feel like some part of me hasn't healed up enough to go back. Like some critical piece is missing. Please understand... -I understand something. It's not like that. It's not you. It's me. My head. I want to go back. I want to be with you. I want to be fine. I want everything to be like it used to be. It just isn't. -Hey. I'm really glad you called... I'm sorry. No, you don't have to be sorry. I'm the one -- -No, you don't have to be sorry. I'm the one -- No, I shouldn't have left so fast... I was just... -No, I shouldn't have left so fast... I was just... It's okay. -Ray, Karla won a trip to the Bahamas! An island called Tower Bay. And she wants us to come with her. What? The Bahamas? You're kidding. -We'd have a long weekend just to sit in the sun, drink fruity drinks, and swim, and... You know... This weekend? -Julie, we're working a big run up here. It's been crazy. We probably have to go out again tonight. I don't think I can do it. Will you try...for me, please? -Okay, I'll try. But, listen... If I don't make it up, then you go ahead and have a great time. Ray...please try. I really miss you. Okay. Bye. -Ray...what are you doing? Oh...it's not working right. You're home early. Did I scare you? -Oh...it's not working right. You're home early. Did I scare you? Never do that again. -Never do that again. Hey -- I didn't know you were here. It's okay. We got the refrigerator in. Come see. -I love it here. It's gonna be great. -Checking the locks again? You know me to well. -You're the most beautiful woman in the bar tonight, Jules. Tyrell, you are an unstoppable force of nature. -Tyrell, you are an unstoppable force of nature. That's right. It's how the species survives. You'll never convince me otherwise. Wanna dance? -I am not crazy, Tyrell. He was right there. Fine. Show me the body. -We're all going to die. He's going to kill us one by one. Who? -Who? Ben Willis. -Voodoo. I told you. -You've got all these theories but where is he? Where? Where's your fisherman killer? I don't know. -I don't know. You never do...The guy at the nightclub, the body in your room last night. Little notes that only mean something to you. How do we even know you're not the one behind this -- -Don't kill me -- Wait, it's Nancy -- -Julie! Wait! You okay? I'm fine. -I'm fine. You sure? -You sure? I'm fine. -I'm fine. You don't seem fine. -The shower again? It was in a church...it was so real. I mean, I could feel his breath on me. -It was in a church...it was so real. I mean, I could feel his breath on me. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. I thought I was over the dreams for good. I really did. I hadn't had one for months. -I thought I was over the dreams for good. I really did. I hadn't had one for months. It just takes time, Julie. It's gonna get better. -It just takes time, Julie. It's gonna get better. It can't get worse. I mean, it's not like this was the first time I freaked out in class. I hardly ever get a full night's sleep, my grades suck, I'm this close from being thrown out of school. -It was one year ago... It's...the anniversary. That's what's going on...Take it easy on yourself. -It's...the anniversary. That's what's going on...Take it easy on yourself. I'm trying. I really am...Sometimes I don't even know why I came up here in the first place. -I'm trying. I really am...Sometimes I don't even know why I came up here in the first place. To get out of Southport? -To get out of Southport? Right. Now I remember. -Nah. I'll probably just be here studying for finals. The joys of summer school... Are you okay? I'm okay. -I'm okay. Are you sure? -This was not my idea. What? -What? I said, this...Do you want a drink? -Just take deep breaths and think of something happy from childhood. What if I don't have anything happy from childhood...Sorry, I can't relax going five hundred miles an hour, or four thousand, four hundred feet a minute... Which is over seven hundred feet a second. Imagine hitting something at seven hundred feet a second. -What if I don't have anything happy from childhood...Sorry, I can't relax going five hundred miles an hour, or four thousand, four hundred feet a minute... Which is over seven hundred feet a second. Imagine hitting something at seven hundred feet a second. Deep breaths -- -Deep breaths -- Fumes build up in the fuel tanks. You can by surface-to-air missiles over the internet. Planes use O-rings...which freeze in tap water. Planes fall from the sky for practically no reason at all. -Fumes build up in the fuel tanks. You can by surface-to-air missiles over the internet. Planes use O-rings...which freeze in tap water. Planes fall from the sky for practically no reason at all. You've got a better chance of getting hit by lightning. -You've got a better chance of getting hit by lightning. Right. Planes get hit by lightning. They get hit by meteors. They hit other planes. -And it's been blue skies all day. It might be perfect all weekend. It beets being on the mainland. -You sure it's okay with you? Sure. It's fine. As long as you don't snore. -Sure. It's fine. As long as you don't snore. You can toss a shoe at me if it gets out of hand. -Julie? What's wrong? It's...him. -It's...him. What do you mean, Julie? -What do you mean, Julie? He did something to the screen...it, it, said... -Oh, Will! I'm sorry. It's my fault. I shouldn't have...I didn't think... -No, no, no. This was really sweet... I scared you -- I crossed the line -- -I scared you -- I crossed the line -- No -- it's not that. It's...I'm just a little on edge. I'm really sorry. -No -- it's not that. It's...I'm just a little on edge. I'm really sorry. Hey, you don't have to appologize to me. I'm the one. I understand. I'm going to take a walk and dry off. -Hey, you don't have to appologize to me. I'm the one. I understand. I'm going to take a walk and dry off. Are you sure? I really appreciate it. -What? What are you talking about? Where? It's in my room! -There was a body! I swear it! Julie, you said you were tired. Waybe you were dreaming. -Julie, you said you were tired. Waybe you were dreaming. I wasn't dreaming. -Come on. We're gonna be okay. Did you get help? -Estes came after me with a gaffing hook. He's in it with Willis? -He's in it with Willis? I guess so. -Why are you doing this to me? Me, me, me. It's always about you. I'm having bad dreams. I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in school. I'm having trouble with my boyfriend. -Me, me, me. It's always about you. I'm having bad dreams. I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in school. I'm having trouble with my boyfriend. I trusted you. -I trusted you. We had a connection, didn't we? I can tell you one thing, though. Ray didn't trust me. He was right. He's dead, but he was right. -...Why? Why? Come on, Julie. Think. You'll get it. Will Benson -- Ben's son. -You know what I want to do to you ...right now, don't you? There's gotta be somewhere we can be alone. I don't think so. It's pretty crowded. -I don't think so. It's pretty crowded. Just for a minute, baby. I got something I wanna tell you. -If you can say all you gotta say in a minute then I don't wanna hear it. I'll talk real slow. -Worse comes to worse, you can stand there and watch me. Come on, I'll take a break and we'll all dance. -Is there a problem here? Where there's a Will, there's a way. Come on. -Something is gonna hit your butt if you don't quit complaining. Honey, some folks just can't fly. -Ain't nothin' free in this world. Everybody says it, and it's true. I wanted you all to have a good trip. We will, baby...All this means is we got the whole island to ourselves. -Oooh, the mainland -- Somebody's gone tropical on us, baby. Tropical! -Guess the capital of Brazil -- Rio, baby! -Pretty cool bar. They all start to look the same once you've worked in one. Am I right, sister? -Tha's it. I've decided. I'm changing my major to finance. And going to Wall Street. Why? -Why? 'Cause that's the only way I'm ever gonna be able to afford a big bed like this. -You sure you didn't pick up my hair tie? Hello? -Hello? Okay, I just didn't wanna get my hair wet. -Okay, I just didn't wanna get my hair wet. Baby, I finally got you alone in this Jacuzzi and I don't wanna be discussin' hair care. -I used to be a lifeguard...I'd hate to have to blow my whistle. I'd hate for you to have to blow...your whistle. -Oh, look. Another day in paradise with Julie-your-tour-director...Miss Psychotic Episode. Hey -- -Hey -- See any dead bodies out there? Any fresh kill? How 'bout Freddy, Jason? -Somebody...is a sick, fingerpainting psycho. We gotta get out of here. Now. -I'll come with you. Are you crazy? We're not staying here on our own. -Maybe we should just wait here? Hide in a tree? I'm not hiding up no tree. I'm with her. Let's arm ourselves to the teeth and kick this psycho's butt. -You think that's a good place to hide? I don't know, but I'm starving. -Julie, is everything cool? Karla said... I said we start having fun. And that means now. -To a great weekend -- Yeah, a great weekend. Forget the weather! -Come on, it'll be fun. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for my friend, my very best friend, Julie James. -Ahh, that feels great. How's Julie? -How's Julie? Alone. In the room. Got any advise? -Why? He can't help us. He's probably the only one who can help us. -Mark in the Morning! Magic 96.7! Oh my God! I'm Karla. Karla Wilson. Jules, it's Mark in the Morning. Well, Karla, what're you doin' at home over the long fourth weekend? -Well, Karla, what're you doin' at home over the long fourth weekend? Well, I'm in school and -- -Well, I'm in school and -- How'd you like to win a Magic 96.7 Quicky Getaway? -How'd you like to win a Magic 96.7 Quicky Getaway? Yes! -Still here...thinking... You mean Brazil, the country? Okay, Karla, five seconds. Five...Four... -Rio de Janeiro! Oh, no...Did you say Rio? -Oh, no...Did you say Rio? No. Yes? -Waaaaahhhhhhhhhh! We'll call you back with all the details...So what's your favorite radio station? -Jeez, that's a full carat -- How much? -How much? Well, there's some flaws in her... -Well, there's some flaws in her... How much? -Don't really have the market for something like this... I can go two...two-fifty. Make it three hundred. And throw that in, too. -Hell, that's worth three, easy. And you got your waiting period. I'm not waiting...So give me the gun and keep the ring. -You guys lost? Tell me this ain't the bar scene. -Tell me this ain't the bar scene. Wanna drink? -What's the matter, boy trouble? Not anymore. -Not anymore. He leave you? -He leave you? No. I shot him. -What's going on? Julie thinks there's a dead guy in the closet. -Julie thinks there's a dead guy in the closet. Cool. -Cool. The rest of us see bathrobes. -I'm sorry, but you could've been the one doing all of this -- And so could you -- crazy fool. -And so could you -- crazy fool. You stumbled into my hiding place. -You stumbled into my hiding place. Must have missed the sign. -Must have missed the sign. Excuse me, but this island didn't have a murder rate until you people showed up. I've never seen a dead body before. -Can't talk right now. See, it's not a macho thing. It's about equilibrium in your inner ear. You could've used a patch, but it's too late now. Get used to it. Some folks just can't sail. -We didn't get all dressed up for nothing. Planter's Punch, Singapore Sling, or how about a Mai-Tai? -The last day of the season. Yeah, we heard. So why are you still here? -There's ten people on this whole island and they're all gonna end up in this Jacuzzi with us. How's the water? -How's the water? Crowded. -I'm just saying what all of you are thinking. It's bad enough gettin' rained out without having to hold her hand the whole time. You don't have to be a jerk. -Where is everybody? They're all dead...Dead, I tell you. Ahhhh, we're all deaaaddddd. Tyrellll, joinnnn usss. -They're around...They just don't care about us 'cause we're the contest winners. Let's go find Stoner Boy...Make his lazy butt hook us up with fishing poles or Ping-Pong paddles or something. You know, the greenhouse effect has caused the gulf stream to shift and almost every meteorological expert expects a dramatic increase in tropical depression -- -You know, the greenhouse effect has caused the gulf stream to shift and almost every meteorological expert expects a dramatic increase in tropical depression -- Hey -- shut up, okay? -Take this. And do what with it? -They were cut loose. Julie? Wanna tell us what is going on here? -The porter...what's his name? Old Asbestos -- Estes! That's exactly who it is. That old guy knows something. We can sit here and wait for him to pick us off or we can go find him first. -We'll only be a second, okay? Yeah, wait right here, it's the safest place. -Where'd Estes go? What is up with that weirdo? -What is up with that weirdo? I'll go find him. -You don't have to. It's inside of you -- all the glory that was Greece -— the dancing, the singing and the white marble -- How clover you are, Mr. Albrecht, to see all that in our simple Thea... She is quite pretty, isn't she? -How clover you are, Mr. Albrecht, to see all that in our simple Thea... She is quite pretty, isn't she? This was the temple of Hades --the God of the Dead. It contained no images -- just empty space and walls of perfect symmetry. -This was the temple of Hades --the God of the Dead. It contained no images -- just empty space and walls of perfect symmetry. How disappointing! I expected it was something more romantic. A temple to the Goddess of Love, perhaps. -How disappointing! I expected it was something more romantic. A temple to the Goddess of Love, perhaps. The Greeks thought death was beautiful -- an adventure --a journey to another world. But I have my other guests to think of -- The General will be wanting to go back to his army. If you'll excuse me -- -Where is Miss Wollsten? She's in her room. -I took it for granted you gentlemen were refugees as are my other guests. This is General Nikolas Pherides, Commander of the Third Army. I'm Oliver Davis. To be perfectly frank with you, we didn't expect to find anyone living here. -This is General Nikolas Pherides, Commander of the Third Army. I'm Oliver Davis. To be perfectly frank with you, we didn't expect to find anyone living here. It is my home. My name is Hugo Albrecht. -But the gods played a little trick on me. I was born in Switzerland. You collect these to sell, abroad? -He is exhausted. Why don't you stay here tonight? Get a good sleep. You can return to your command in the morning. -I need your advice —— something has happened —— Mr. Jacks —— Drunk again? -Drunk again? He's dead. I want the General to see him. -"He complained of not feeling well. I thought he was drunk —— he staggered." That staggering. His dying so quickly. In your campaigns, have you never seen men who staggered before they died, who talked incoherently —— walked blindly. -I wonder if my editor's psychic? Reports from the Greek front are going to be a little vague. Or even spirit messages from the next world. -I'd like to, very much -- but it depends on what dispatches are waiting for me on the mainland. In case you do so, would you -- -It doesn't look much like the fish spears I knew back in Marblehead.. Our friend, Poseidon, didn't use it for fishing. He raked the sea with it and stirred up the big waves. -Our friend, Poseidon, didn't use it for fishing. He raked the sea with it and stirred up the big waves. I'll go up and take a look at the General —- perhaps sit with him. -I'll go up and take a look at the General —- perhaps sit with him. He won't even know you're there. He is delirious. -He won't even know you're there. He is delirious. All the more reason to watch him. He's had some wild notions lately. -All the more reason to watch him. He's had some wild notions lately. Don't bother. Go to bed and get some sleep. I'll be working late. I can hear any movement down here. -Don't bother. Go to bed and get some sleep. I'll be working late. I can hear any movement down here. Well —— -Well —— Go ahead. I'll wake you up when I go to bed. Then you can watch him. -Go ahead. I'll wake you up when I go to bed. Then you can watch him. Thank you, I'll do that. Good night. -Goodbye. May life be good to you both. As for the others —— they will be quiet here —— and I will be with them. -If the wind shifts, if the sirocco blows -- the hot wind from the South -- all danger will be over in twenty-four hours. Good winds and bad winds! -The ancient Greeks had just as good an explanation -- that the gods sent the plague to punish mortals for harboring Vrykolaka -- They used to believe that sort of thing in the mountain villages. Some still do -- -She's right. This is hardly the time to bandy old tales. I have lived long enough to doubt everything -- which is to say, I believe everything, a little. -You're just talking nonsense. Let us put it to the test. Protect yourself with every scientific precaution you can think of. I'll go out on the cliff and build a votive fire to Hermes -- not that I believe in him any more than I do in Science. -We will see who is the first to die. Very well. I'll wager a dinner. -I suppose you want to hear my prayer to Hermes. I just came to see if your prayer would entertain me as much as my medicine seems to amuse you. -) You feel the symptoms? My friend -- what can one say -- -My friend -- what can one say -- You can have your servants prepare a dinner. That is the way I'll meet my old- familiar enemy -- Death --I have fought him before. I've won often. Now he wins. Let him come for me at my own banquet. -I'm here. The General is here. You are not alone. I must meet him with laughter - with songs and laughter -- to show him I am not afraid -- -I have not been on the island in twenty years. It is changed - changed completely. Where are the graves -- the coffins? This was once a cemetery. -The enemy is in retreat. There will be no more fighting here. I came here to visit the crypts. My wife was buried here. What happened to the bodies? They were gore before I came here. -They were gore before I came here. But why? -There was some trouble here ——the villagers on the mainland —-this island was the focal point of their anger. They came here ——broke open the tombs and despoiled the graves. All the graves? -All the graves? I'm afraid so. There were rumors ——people were aroused. Some feared restlessness among the dead you know, the old superstitions. -I'm afraid so. There were rumors ——people were aroused. Some feared restlessness among the dead you know, the old superstitions. I donut understand. -Perhaps I had better stay. I am tired. I'll get Ida to make up your bed. -I'm not sure that it is the plague. We will know when the next one sickens. Until then you and I remain here. I will not bring the plague to my troops. -We will know when the next one sickens. Until then you and I remain here. I will not bring the plague to my troops. In the meantime it would be useless to alarm the others. Let them think it was a normal And, perhaps it was —- perhaps it was. -Did you hear what Thea said -- as if she knew what threatens us. That's impossible. I told them Jacks died of a sudden heart attack, probably brought on by over drinking. -That's impossible. I told them Jacks died of a sudden heart attack, probably brought on by over drinking. Did your servant got word to Dr. Drossos? -Another sad task. We'll bury her tomorrow. I think we'd better lock the door for tonight. It will make them less uncomfortable. No. She shall not be left here. -No. She shall not be left here. Maybe you're right. Help me get something to carry her downstairs. -You were singing, weren't you? A beautiful voice, Miss St. Aubyn. That was my companion. She sings little peasant songs quite nicely -- a completely untrained voice, of course. -I hope Mr. Jacks gets to bed in one piece. M~ father will take care of it. Pappa is wonderful! No matter what happens, he makes me feel perfectly safe. I could never leave him. I should be utterly helpless by myself. -I adore hearing Thea sing -- but my poor head's beginning to ache. I'm so sorry. Of course. Tomorrow, perhaps, before I go? -I'm glad you and the General didn't have to leave us. We would feel quite deserted.. How could we go back to the wars with such pleasant company here.. -How could we go back to the wars with such pleasant company here.. Thank you. -Good night, Oliver. Sleep well. -You're not leaving tomorrow..? I think not. -I know it must be hard. But you have relatives in London --you've got a whole world of living, ahead of you -- No one can take my father's place. -Where's Thea? I think she went to bed —— I saw her going toward the house -Oh, no -— it's too delicious! You're making it up! On my word! That's what they believe. -Tell me about them, Thea. They have great wings end long teeth -- Sharp, shiny teeth -- and they creep up to your bed -- -Sharp, shiny teeth -- and they creep up to your bed -- Closer and closer —- until they bite into your throat! -My father -- I'm alone, Oliver, completely alone! Poor Cathy -- -Poor Cathy -- Last night Dr. Drossos -- today you or I -- oh, no, Oliver, it can't be you, I couldn't stand it. -There's no reason to decide any of us are going to die. If only we could get away - - you and I. The others are strangers, they mean nothing to me -If Mr. Albrecht is right, we'll all be free in a few days. I suppose you'll be going on to Athens? I don't know now without my father. -Poor child. These must be horrible days for you. I'm so ill, I'm so exhausted -- I almost don't care. -Has that girl -- has Thea ever told you where she comes from? Some village in the mountains -- Alethera, I think. -Has she spoken to you of her father and her mother? She has never mentioned her family. -She has never mentioned her family. How old is she? -What are you doing? I was looking for you. -I have been troubled about you. I want you to know that my room is just downstairs -- You have only to cry out if you are ill —— or frightened. How kind you are. It is so comforting to know that someone cares. -Miss Wollsten shares the room with you? No, that's Thea's bed. Miss Wollsten's bed is in there. -It's getting dark. I can't leave now. In the morning -- go. I'll not die until then —- I'll not die —— I'll watch -— they shall not hurt you. -In the morning -- go. I'll not die until then —- I'll not die —— I'll watch -— they shall not hurt you. Shh——— it's all right -— I'll be all right. -Shh——— it's all right -— I'll be all right. They shall not hurt you -The young man, Mr. Davis, seems to be some kind of an unofficial observer —— a correspondent of some sort —— And the soldier -- He looked at me so strangely -- who is he? -You are fortunate in your father. Thea is an orphan. -Cathy —- how does it feel to have a father? What an odd question! -What an odd question! I mean, does one love a father because he is good and kind -—or just because he is one's father? -I mean, does one love a father because he is good and kind -—or just because he is one's father? Why, I love my father because - because I do. Of course, he's nice to me. -Thea -- you're hiding something. Why do you suddenly speak of your father? You told me once you had never seen him -- didn't know him -- I do not know him, but I have seen him. -I do not know him, but I have seen him. What is it -- what are you talking about? -What is it -- what are you talking about? You have forgotten my last name? -I have forgotten it, dear. My last name is Pherides. -Thea, your choice is a very simple one. Either you want to claim him as your father, or you do not. But one must love a father. -But one must love a father. The General — you don't even know him. -Come, Thea, if you're going to claim him as your father you've got to make up your mind. They'll be leaving any minute. I don't know. As a child. I longed for a father and now —- I don't know —— -I felt he did not like me. That should decide it or you -- -That should decide it or you -- I will let him go. He is dead to me as he is to all my mother's people. I turn my hand against him. -You should sleep, Cathy. Lie down and close your eyes. Try to forget everything. When I close my eyes, I see Miss Wollsten. I can't think of anything else. -When I close my eyes, I see Miss Wollsten. I can't think of anything else. She is dead — at peace. -Suppose, she isn't dead. Suppose it was a cataleptic attack? It was, the plague -It was, the plague We quarreled. She never dared get angry or frightened -- but I said things to her -- it was an attack, I know it was. -I wish I didn't have such bitter knowledge of you, Cathy. Whet do you mean? -Whet do you mean? They were talking about the Vrykolakas this morning. Cathy, that's what you are —— a weak, pale, half-dead thing that drains all the life and joy from those who want to live. -They were talking about the Vrykolakas this morning. Cathy, that's what you are —— a weak, pale, half-dead thing that drains all the life and joy from those who want to live. Miss Wollsten! -Miss Wollsten! You and your mysterious illness. A new attack everytime you are crossed — everytime you can't get your own way. -Your father knew it too. But he was never sure how much was pretense. How do you know what my father thought - - -How do you know what my father thought - - Your father loved me. He wanted to marry me. But he was afraid of hurting the gentle, delicate Cathy. You spoiled his life ——you've ruined mine —— -Your father loved me. He wanted to marry me. But he was afraid of hurting the gentle, delicate Cathy. You spoiled his life ——you've ruined mine —— You were father's secretary -— I never thought - - -You were father's secretary -— I never thought - - Didn't you? But now -- what are you thinking now? -What would I be thinking? Mr. Davis seems a good prospect ——young handsome, sympathetic -- ready to listen to you and feel sorry for you - - -Mr. Davis seems a good prospect ——young handsome, sympathetic -- ready to listen to you and feel sorry for you - - What if he is? -What if he is? ) But Thea -- She stands in your way. I know you. I know your little hints —— the way you can turn the truth into a lie -- -) But Thea -- She stands in your way. I know you. I know your little hints —— the way you can turn the truth into a lie -- Why, I'm fond of Thea. -Why, I'm fond of Thea. You're planing something, Cathy.. But I won't let you —- I'll warn them against you. -You're planing something, Cathy.. But I won't let you —- I'll warn them against you. You will not say one single word. I know your secret. -You will not say one single word. I know your secret. That your father and I —— -That your father and I —— "No. I mean your other secret -— the one you kept bidden even from my father. That old doctor in London -- he told me." -I've always known what an evil mind lay behind that pretty weak face of yours —— but this, Cathy -- even I would never have believed it is of you. Would you care to explain what you're talking about? -Would you care to explain what you're talking about? You've been playing on the superstitions of that poor old man — — working at him — — turning him against Thea. -You've been playing on the superstitions of that poor old man — — working at him — — turning him against Thea. Really, this is idiotic! -Really, this is idiotic! You'd do anything to get Oliver away from Thea. But I'm going to stop you. I'm going to tell Mr. Davis exactly what you are. -When I tell him that you're unfit to live a normal life with normal people —- a cataleptic! You wouldn't tell that —— -You wouldn't tell that —— Wouldn't I? -No. No. I won't believe it. He's not dead. This is Dr. Drossos, chief medical officer of my division. -This is Dr. Drossos, chief medical officer of my division. "I don't care who he is. He doesn't know. He can't tell ——" -Woman, what are you doing here? I wanted to be sure of something, General -- something that has always preyed on my mind. I have a horror of being buried alive and awakening to find myself shut in —- entombed —— imprisoned.. -I wanted to be sure of something, General -- something that has always preyed on my mind. I have a horror of being buried alive and awakening to find myself shut in —- entombed —— imprisoned.. He sleeps quietly. He died with a wine glass in his hand -- he died laughing -- a brave man, Drossos, like his father before him. -He sleeps quietly. He died with a wine glass in his hand -- he died laughing -- a brave man, Drossos, like his father before him. Because he was a brave man - because I liked him -- I came here to be sure. -Because he was a brave man - because I liked him -- I came here to be sure. He's dead enough. God rest his soul. -I'm a woman -- a lonely woman. I have few friends. Yes? -Yes? I have not had a happy life --but that one thing - - that terror which brings me awake out of deep sleep —- I want to avoid it. -I have not had a happy life --but that one thing - - that terror which brings me awake out of deep sleep —- I want to avoid it. I don't understand you. -I don't understand you. I don't want to be buried alive. If I die I want to be sure —- quite sure. -I don't want to be buried alive. If I die I want to be sure —- quite sure. If you should fall sick we'll be careful. You need not worry. -If you should fall sick we'll be careful. You need not worry. No, I want more than that. I beg you General, make sure --drive a knife through my heart -- anything. -No, I want more than that. I beg you General, make sure --drive a knife through my heart -- anything. You ask that of me? You're afraid to live in your coffin. You know what that means? -You ask that of me? You're afraid to live in your coffin. You know what that means? That's superstition. That's something out of old tales -- about the dead who live —- I'm talking of something else --cataleptic attacks -- apparent death that is not real. -That's superstition. That's something out of old tales -- about the dead who live —- I'm talking of something else --cataleptic attacks -- apparent death that is not real. Never fear -- when you are dead you will remain dead. I will see to it that you do not walk about again. I promise you that. There is another one here who can not die. I will watch you both. Never fear. -I don't really know where Thea comes from. The Vice—Consul at Adrianople brought her to me.. Her name is Thea? -Her name is Thea? Theodosia. -Theodosia. Her family name? -Her family name? Damn me, if I know. She's become so much a member of our household I never think of her by any name but Thea -- she has a last name -- -You do not know her last name -- you do not know from where she came? Miss Wollsten -— my secretary, she'd know. -Your daughter is ill. She's not too well. -She's not too well. What is her illness? -What is her illness? Nothing, really. She's been under a great strain -- the journey -- the battle -- -Nothing, really. She's been under a great strain -- the journey -- the battle -- Was she ill before that girl came into your household? -Was she ill before that girl came into your household? Why -- no not before Thea came —— -This girl -- This girl -- Thea —- is not a servant in my household, sir. She is my daughter's companion. Now, sir, if you'll excuse me, I'll go have a look at Mr. Jacks. -This girl -- Thea —- is not a servant in my household, sir. She is my daughter's companion. Now, sir, if you'll excuse me, I'll go have a look at Mr. Jacks. I will go with you. -Why not Take the doctor's advice? You're the hero of the battle of Corphon. Hero? -Hero? In the New York Morning Globe, the man who wins victory is always a hero. - -You know that sound, Oliver? I heard the same sound at Ladysmith, at Nukden, Port Arthur. What do you expect after a battle? -I heard the same sound at Ladysmith, at Nukden, Port Arthur. What do you expect after a battle? You were at those battles as a spectator — — I wonder if you can think what that sound might mean to me —— those men out there —— dead or dying —— by my order -- because I willed it so. -Do you mind if I go with you? There's no one there -— nothing but the caves and the dead. -There's no one there -— nothing but the caves and the dead. I'll only go as far as the shore and wait for you. -She is not there. The coffin is gone. Maybe you've got the wrong crypt —— after all it's twenty years when you wore last here. -You are a happy man Oliver. You have but one world to live in —- the world of today. I have two worlds. I have that old dark world of peasant ignorance and superstition in which I was brought up and a new world which the army gave me —— a world of mathematics, gun ranges,logistics, tactics, strategy. It doesn't seem to bother you much, General. -It doesn't seem to bother you much, General. I will be glad to leave this island. It has too much of that old dark world about it. I will be glad to leave it and that girl —— -I will be glad to leave this island. It has too much of that old dark world about it. I will be glad to leave it and that girl —— Thea? -There is something evil about her. Oh, now —— now look here —— -Oh, now —— now look here —— I know all you are going to say —-I have been saying it to myself, but the thought will not leave my mind. She resembles my wife -—there is something about her ——the way she moves —— the way she turns her head. -I know all you are going to say —-I have been saying it to myself, but the thought will not leave my mind. She resembles my wife -—there is something about her ——the way she moves —— the way she turns her head. But that should make you like her. -It makes me fear her. I can't understand that. -I can't understand that. It is not necessary to understand. We are leaving and I am thankful. -Well, at any rate, I would like to say goodbye to the girl. We have no time for that. -I've seen men die drunk —- and I've seen men die of the plague. Plague? There's no possibility of that, is there? -Plague? There's no possibility of that, is there? The rider on the pale horse is Pestilence. He follows the wars. -Until we know, what choice is there? We have to stay. But the war, the army —— they need you. -But the war, the army —— they need you. Better no general than one carrying the plague. -Better no general than one carrying the plague. We still don't know that it's the plague —— -We still don't know that it's the plague —— Dr. Drossos will tell us. We will know what to do then. -Thea is so like her —— in every feature —— If she looked like Thea, she must have been beautiful. -She was beautiful. There was blood between her family and my kin. But that did not stop me from taking her when I saw her beauty, nor did it stop her from loving me. How did she die? -How did she die? I don' t know. When I was gone the people from her village came to my home seeking vengeance. They bore her away with them. Months later she came back ——pale -- sick -- she died -- -Is this what you wanted to speak to me about? In a way -- this girl, Thea. You must stay away from her. -In a way -- this girl, Thea. You must stay away from her. I had a notion you had become self—appointed chaperone lately — why? -I had a notion you had become self—appointed chaperone lately — why? You are my friend. -You are my friend. And I'm your friend —— but that doesn't explain why you are always trying to come between Thea and me? -And I'm your friend —— but that doesn't explain why you are always trying to come between Thea and me? If I told you —— you wouldn't believe me -- but this much I can tell you —— the girl is dangerous to you. Take a friend's advice -- an old man' s advice -- leave her alone -— -If I told you —— you wouldn't believe me -- but this much I can tell you —— the girl is dangerous to you. Take a friend's advice -- an old man' s advice -- leave her alone -— That's ridiculous -- Thea's lovely, gentle —- -That's ridiculous -- Thea's lovely, gentle —- Listen to what I say -- -Listen to what I say -- When you make sense I'll listen. -I have had command for the last time —- Come —- you'll feel yourself again as soon as we get off this dismal island. -Come —- you'll feel yourself again as soon as we get off this dismal island. I shall not leave the island —— -Theodosia -- Not Theodosia. Theodosia's daughter -- your daughter. -Daughter -- my daughter -- She was born before your wife returned here to die. You never knew. -You're crying. Why? I don't know. Everything's so mixed up -- -I don't know. Everything's so mixed up -- Everything's so simple. I like you. -What's bothering you, Thea? Is it the General? Sometimes when he looks at me in that strange way, I'm afraid of him. -Sometimes when he looks at me in that strange way, I'm afraid of him. Don't let it trouble you. He's an old man and these last few days have been a terrible strain on him. He won't harm you. -Please.. You shouldn't laugh -- You see? Thea believes it, too! -Thea, what's wrong? The General threatened me. -The General threatened me. Oh, that Vrykolaka business. You mustn't be too angry with him, Thea. He's an old man and now with all this trouble —— the disappointment in not being able to lead his own army to victory -- cooped up here waiting for death - naturally his mind goes back to the things he believed when he was an ignorant lad in some mountain village. -Oh, that Vrykolaka business. You mustn't be too angry with him, Thea. He's an old man and now with all this trouble —— the disappointment in not being able to lead his own army to victory -- cooped up here waiting for death - naturally his mind goes back to the things he believed when he was an ignorant lad in some mountain village. He keeps asking for the name of my father and mother. -He keeps asking for the name of my father and mother. Well, tell, him. -Well, tell, him. I can't. -I can't. Why in the world can't you? -Why in the world can't you? He hates all my race. -He hates all my race. I knew that feuds still went on, but I didn't think people like you and the General would be involved. -I knew that feuds still went on, but I didn't think people like you and the General would be involved. It is more than a feud between two families. He stole my mother away from her people. -"Thea, what is this? What are you trying to tell me? ""He stole your mother"" —-" It is for that he hates me. -I don't think so, Thea. He has spoken of your mother. I don't believe he knows you are his daughter. Then why does he persecute me? My family told me what kind of man he is, how he stole my mother and then abandoned her -- -Because she loved him. I know him, Thea. Believe me, he is not a cruel man. For a moment, when he looked at me so sadly, I felt that I had wronged him. But then -- -Let me tell him. When he knows you are his child, he'll forget these insane notions -— No -- you musn't. He thinks I've bewitched you. He won't believe it —- he'll hate me even more! My only chance is to stay away from him. -I'm not crying, Mr. Potter. Well, you're begging, and that's a whole lot worse. -Well, you're begging, and that's a whole lot worse. All I'm asking is thirty days more . . . -Times are bad, Mr. Potter. A lot of these people are out of work. Then foreclose! -Then foreclose! I can't do that. These families have children. -But they're somebody's children. Are you running a business or a charity ward? -Are you running a business or a charity ward? Well, all right . . . -Mr. Potter, what makes you such a hard-skulled character? You have no family –– no children. You can't begin to spend all the money you've got. So I suppose I should give it to miserable failures like you and that idiot brother of yours to spend for me. -Hey, this is the company's posters, and the company won't like this. How would you like to get a ticket next week? Haven't you any romance in you? -How would you like to get a ticket next week? Haven't you any romance in you? Sure I have, but I got rid of it. -Come on, we got to get this up. He's coming. Who? -Who? The groom, idiot. Come on, get that ladder. -Get that ladder up here. All right –– all right. -All right –– all right. Hurry up . . . hurry up . . . hurry up. -Hurry up . . . hurry up . . . hurry up. I'm hurrying. -George . . . Ernie, I'm a rich tourist today. How about driving me home in style? -All right, put up your hands. No fast moves. Come on out here, both of you. Bert! Thank heaven you're here! -Stand back. Bert, what's happened to this house? Where's Mary? Where's my kids? -Bert, now listen to me. Ernie, will you take me over to my mother's house? Bert, listen! It's that fellow there –– he says he's an angel –– he's tried to hypnotize me. I hate to do this, fella. -What the Sam Hill you yelling for, George? Don't . . . George? -Know you? Are you kiddin'? I've been looking all over town trying to find you. I saw your car piled into that tree down there, and I thought maybe . . . Hey, your mouth's bleeding; are you sure you're all right? What did . . . -Good morning, sir. Carter –– bank examiner. -Carter –– bank examiner. Mr. Carter, Merry Christmas. -Mr. Carter, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. We're all excited around here. My brother just got the Congressional Medal of Honor. The President just decorated him. -We're all excited around here. My brother just got the Congressional Medal of Honor. The President just decorated him. Well, I guess they do those things. Well, I trust you had a good year. -Well, I guess they do those things. Well, I trust you had a good year. Good year? Well, between you and me, Mr. Carter, we're broke. -Good year? Well, between you and me, Mr. Carter, we're broke. Yeah, very funny. -Yeah, very funny. Well . . . . . . now, come right in here, Mr. Carter. -You what? To save me? Well, I did, didn't I? You didn't go through with it, did you? -Well, I did, didn't I? You didn't go through with it, did you? Go through with what? -Go through with what? Suicide. -Oh, I know all about you. I've watched you grow up from a little boy. What are you, a mind reader or something? -What are you, a mind reader or something? Oh, no. -Oh, no. Well, who are you, then? -Well, who are you, then? Clarence Odbody, A-S-2. -Clarence Odbody, A-S-2. Odbody . . . A-S-2. What's that A-S-2? -Odbody . . . A-S-2. What's that A-S-2? Angel, Second Class. -That's what I was sent down for. I'm your guardian angel. I wouldn't be a bit surprised. -I wouldn't be a bit surprised. Ridiculous of you to think of killing yourself for money. Eight thousand dollars. -I told you –– I'm your guardian angel. I know everything about you. Well, you look about like the kind of an angel I'd get. Sort of a fallen angel, aren't you? What happened to your wings? -Well, you look about like the kind of an angel I'd get. Sort of a fallen angel, aren't you? What happened to your wings? I haven't won my wings yet. That's why I'm an angel Second Class. -I haven't won my wings yet. That's why I'm an angel Second Class. I don't know whether I like it very much being seen around with an angel without any wings. -I don't know whether I like it very much being seen around with an angel without any wings. Oh, I've got to earn them, and you'll help me, won't you? -By letting me help you. Only one way you can help me. You don't happen to have eight thousand bucks on you? -Only one way you can help me. You don't happen to have eight thousand bucks on you? Oh, no, no. We don't use money in Heaven. -Oh, no, no. We don't use money in Heaven. Oh, that's right, I keep forgetting. Comes in pretty handy down here, bub. -Oh, that's right, I keep forgetting. Comes in pretty handy down here, bub. Oh, tut, tut, tut. -Oh, tut, tut, tut. I found it out a little late. I'm worth more dead than alive. -I found it out a little late. I'm worth more dead than alive. Now look, you mustn't talk like that. I won't get my wings with that attitude. You just don't know all that you've done. If it hadn't been for you . . . -What'd you say? I said I wish I'd never been born. -I said I wish I'd never been born. Oh, you mustn't say things like that. You . . . . . . wait a minute. Wait a minute. That's an idea. What do you think? Yeah, that'll do it. All right. You've got your wish. You've never been born. -What did you say? You've never been born. You don't exist. You haven't a care in the world. -Well, that's the doggonedest thing . . . I haven't heard anything out of that ear since I was a kid. Must have been that jump in the cold water. Your lip's stopped bleeding, too, George. -It's stopped snowing out, hasn't it? What's happened here? Come on, soon as these clothes of ours are dry . . . Our clothes are dry. -I can't fly. I haven't got any wings. You haven't got your wings. Yeah, that's right. -You have no car. Well, I had a car, and it was right here. I guess somebody moved it. -Oh, I don't know. Either I'm off my nut, or he is . . . . . . or you are! It isn't me! -It isn't me! Well, maybe I left the car up at Martini's. Well, come on, Gabriel. -What's the matter with him. I never saw Nick act like that before. You'll see a lot of strange things from now on. -You'll see a lot of strange things from now on. Oh, yeah. Hey, little fellow –– you worry me. You got someplace to sleep? -Oh, yeah. Hey, little fellow –– you worry me. You got someplace to sleep? No. -No. You don't huh? Well, you got any money? -No. No wonder you jumped in the river. -No wonder you jumped in the river. I jumped in the river to save you so I could get my wings. -Oh-oh. Somebody's just made it. Made what? -Made what? Every time you hear a bell ring, it means that some angel's just got his wings. -Look, I think maybe you better not mention getting your wings around here. Why? Don't they believe in angels? -You see, George, you were not there to stop Gower from putting that poison into the . . . What do you mean, I wasn't there? I remember distinctly . . . -Yeah, yeah, I know. You told me that. What else are you? What . . . are you a hypnotist? No, of course not. -No, of course not. Well then, why am I seeing all these strange things? -Well then, why am I seeing all these strange things? Don't you understand, George? It's because you were not born. -Don't you understand, George? It's because you were not born. Then if I wasn't born, who am I? -Then if I wasn't born, who am I? You're nobody. You have no identity. -What do you mean, no identity? My name's George Bailey. There is no George Bailey. You have no papers, no cards, no driver's license, no 4-F card, no insurance policy . . . -What? Zuzu's petals. -You know where he lives? Sure I know where he lives. He lives in Bailey Park. -Are you sure this is Bailey Park? Oh, I'm not sure of anything anymore. All I know is this should be Bailey Park. But where are the houses? -Clarence . . . Yes, George? -Yes, George? Where's Mary? -Where's Mary? Oh, well, I can't . . . -Oh, well, I can't . . . I don't know how you know these things, but tell me –– where is she? -I . . . If you know where she is, tell me where my wife is. -If you know where she is, tell me where my wife is. I'm not supposed to tell. -She's . . . Where is she? -Poor George . . . Sit down. Sit down? What are . . . -Sit down? What are . . . If you're going to help a man, you want to know something about him, don't you? -If you're going to help a man, you want to know something about him, don't you? Well, naturally. Of course. -Well, naturally. Of course. Well, keep your eyes open. See the town? -Where? I don't see a thing. Oh, I forgot. You haven't got your wings yet. Now look, I'll help you out. Concentrate. Begin to see something? -Why, yes. This is amazing. If you ever get your wings, you'll see all by yourself. -If you ever get your wings, you'll see all by yourself. Oh, wonderful! -Hey, who's that? That's your problem, George Bailey. -That's your problem, George Bailey. A boy? -A boy? That's him when he was twelve, back in 1919. Something happens here you'll have to remember later on. -What did you stop it for? I want you to take a good look at that face. -I want you to take a good look at that face. Who is it? -Who is it? George Bailey. -George Bailey. Oh, you mean the kid that had his ears slapped back by the druggist. -Oh, you mean the kid that had his ears slapped back by the druggist. That's the kid. -That's the kid. It's a good face. I like it. I like George Bailey. Tell me, did he ever tell anyone about the pills? -It's a good face. I like it. I like George Bailey. Tell me, did he ever tell anyone about the pills? Not a soul. -Not a soul. Did he ever marry the girl? Did he ever go exploring? -Did he ever marry the girl? Did he ever go exploring? Well, wait and see. -I know. I know. He didn't go. That's right. Not only that, but he gave his school money to his brother Harry, and sent him to college. Harry became a football star –– made second team All American. -That's right. Not only that, but he gave his school money to his brother Harry, and sent him to college. Harry became a football star –– made second team All American. Yes, but what happened to George? -Now, you've probably already guessed that George never leaves Bedford Falls. No! -. . . two of them as they were about to crash into a transport full of soldiers. Yes, but George . . . -You sent for me, sir? Yes, Clarence. A man down on earth needs our help. -Yes, Clarence. A man down on earth needs our help. Splendid! Is he sick? -Splendid! Is he sick? No, worse. He's discouraged. At exactly ten-forty-five PM tonight, Earth time, that man will be thinking seriously of throwing away God's greatest gift. -No, worse. He's discouraged. At exactly ten-forty-five PM tonight, Earth time, that man will be thinking seriously of throwing away God's greatest gift. Oh, dear, dear! His life! Then I've only got an hour to dress. What are they wearing now? -Oh, dear, dear! His life! Then I've only got an hour to dress. What are they wearing now? You will spend that hour getting acquainted with George Bailey. -You will spend that hour getting acquainted with George Bailey. Sir . . . If I should accomplish this mission –– I mean –– might I perhaps win my wings? I've been waiting for over two hundred years now, sir –– and people are beginning to talk. -Sir . . . If I should accomplish this mission –– I mean –– might I perhaps win my wings? I've been waiting for over two hundred years now, sir –– and people are beginning to talk. What's that book you've got there? -What's that book you've got there? The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. -The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Clarence, you do a good job with George Bailey, and you'll get your wings. -Clarence, you do a good job with George Bailey, and you'll get your wings. Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you. -Hey . . . hey. Where did the Building and Loan move to? The Building and what? -The Building and what? The Bailey Building and Loan. It was up there. -The Bailey Building and Loan. It was up there. They went out of business years ago. -Hey, Violet! Hey, listen –– that's Violet Bick! I know. I know. -I know. I know. I know that girl! -I want the Board to know that George gave up his trip to Europe to help straighten things out here these past few months. Good luck to you at school, George. Thanks. -Thanks. Now we come to the real purpose of this meeting –– to appoint a successor to our dear friend, Peter Bailey. -Thank you very much. It was his faith and devotion that are responsible for this organization. -What's that? That's the best part of it. They've appointed George here as executive secretary to take his father's place. -That's the best part of it. They've appointed George here as executive secretary to take his father's place. Oh, no! But, Uncle Billy . . . -Oh, no! But, Uncle Billy . . . You can keep him on. That's all right. As secretary you can hire anyone you like. -Hey, Ernie! Hiya, George! -Hiya, George! Hi, Bert. -If either of you two see a stranger around here, it's me. Hey, look! Somebody's driving this cab. -Bert, the cop, sent this over. He said to float away to Happy Land on the bubbles. Oh, look at this. Champagne! -Aw, now, doggone it, Ernie, don't you start pulling that stuff. You know where I live. Three-twenty Sycamore. Now hurry up. Okay. Three-twenty Sycamore? . . . -Okay. Three-twenty Sycamore? . . . Yeah –– yeah –– hurry up. Zuzu's sick. -Yeah –– yeah –– hurry up. Zuzu's sick. All right. -Look, bud, what's the idea? I live in a shack in Potter's Field and my wife ran away three years ago and took the kid . . . And I ain't never seen you before in my life. Okay. Just step on it. Just get me home. -Is this the place? Of course it's the place. -Of course it's the place. Well, this house ain't been lived in for twenty years. -Hello, Joseph, trouble? Looks like we'll have to send someone down –– a lot of people are asking for help for a man named George Bailey. -Looks like we'll have to send someone down –– a lot of people are asking for help for a man named George Bailey. George Bailey. Yes, tonight's his crucial night. You're right, we'll have to send someone down immediately. Whose turn is it? -George Bailey. Yes, tonight's his crucial night. You're right, we'll have to send someone down immediately. Whose turn is it? That's why I came to see you, sir. It's that clock-maker's turn again. -That's why I came to see you, sir. It's that clock-maker's turn again. Oh –– Clarence. Hasn't got his wings yet, has he? We've passed him up right along. -Oh –– Clarence. Hasn't got his wings yet, has he? We've passed him up right along. Because, you know, sir, he's got the I.Q. of a rabbit. -Because, you know, sir, he's got the I.Q. of a rabbit. Yes, but he's got the faith of a child –– simple. Joseph, send for Clarence. -On V-J Day he wept and prayed again. Joseph, now show him what happened today. -Joseph, now show him what happened today. Yes, sir. -Well? Mother . . . -Mother . . . Mother? What do you want? -Oh, Mother, Mother, please help me. Something terrible's happened to me. I don't know what it is. Something's happened to everybody. Please let me come in. Keep me here until I get over it. Get over what? I don't take in strangers unless they're sent here by somebody I know. -Well, sure I do. When'd you see him last? -When'd you see him last? Today, over at the house. -Today, over at the house. That's a lie. He's been in the insane asylum ever since he lost his business. And if you ask me, that's where you belong. -Hi, Daddy. Well, what happened to you? -Well, what happened to you? I won a flower. -Wait now. Where do you think you're going? Want to give my flower a drink. -Want to give my flower a drink. All right, all right. Here, give Daddy the flower. I'll give it a drink. -Look, Daddy . . . paste it. Yeah, all right. Now, I'll paste this together. -There it is, good as new. Give the flower a drink. -What? Will you try to get some sleep? -Will you try to get some sleep? I'm not sleepy. I want to look at my flower. -I'm not sleepy. I want to look at my flower. I know –– I know, but you just go to sleep, and then you can dream about it, and it'll be a whole garden. -I know –– I know, but you just go to sleep, and then you can dream about it, and it'll be a whole garden. It will? -It will? Uh-huh. -Daddy! Zuzu –– Zuzu. My little gingersnap! How do you feel? -Zuzu –– Zuzu. My little gingersnap! How do you feel? Fine. -Oh, oh. Sam Wainwright! How are you? When did you get here? Oh, this afternoon. I thought I'd give the kids a treat. -Oh, this afternoon. I thought I'd give the kids a treat. Old college graduate now, huh? -Old college graduate now, huh? Yeah –– old Joe College Wainwright, they call me. Well, freshman, looks like you're going to make it after all. -Yeah –– old Joe College Wainwright, they call me. Well, freshman, looks like you're going to make it after all. Yep. -Hee-haw! Hee-haw! -We just stopped in town to take a look at the new factory, and then we're going to drive on down to Florida. Oh . . . -Oh, I'm afraid I couldn't get away, Sam. Still got the nose to the old grindstone, eh? Jane, I offered to let George in on the ground floor in plastics, and he turned me down cold. -Still got the nose to the old grindstone, eh? Jane, I offered to let George in on the ground floor in plastics, and he turned me down cold. Oh, now, don't rub it in. -Oh, now, don't rub it in. I'm not rubbing it in. Well, I guess we better run along. -So long, George. See you in the funny papers. Goodbye, Sam. -Big –– see! I don't want one for one night. I want something for a thousand and one nights, with plenty of room for labels from Italy and Baghdad, Samarkand . . . a great big one. I see, a flying carpet, huh? I don't suppose you'd like this old second-hand job, would you? -Now you're talkin'. Gee whiz, I could use this as a raft in case the boat sunk. How much does this cost? No charge. -No charge. That's my trick ear, Joe. It sounded as if you said no charge. -What boat you sailing on? I'm working across on a cattle boat. -I'm working across on a cattle boat. A cattle boat? -What's that? I own the house. Me, Giuseppe Martini. I own my own house. No more we live like pigs in thisa Potter's Field. Hurry, Maria. -Goodbye, everybody! All in . . . -He's gone. Don't worry. His name is Welch. He don't come in to my place no more. Oh –– Welch. That's what I get for praying. -Oh –– Welch. That's what I get for praying. The last time he come in here. You hear that, Nick? -Oh, no, Please, don't go out this way, Mr. Bailey. I'm all right. -Oh, no –– you don't feel so good. I'm all right. -I'm all right. Please don't go away –– please! -She's swell. Looks like she can keep Harry on his toes. -Looks like she can keep Harry on his toes. Keep him out of Bedford Falls, anyway. -Keep him out of Bedford Falls, anyway. Did you know that Mary Hatch is back from school? -Did you know that Mary Hatch is back from school? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Came back three days ago. -Came back three days ago. Hmmmm . . . -Hmmmm . . . Nice girl, Mary. -Nice girl, Mary. Hmmmm . . . -Hmmmm . . . Kind that will help you find the answers, George. -Kind that will help you find the answers, George. Hmmm . . . -Hmmm . . . Oh, stop that grunting. -Oh, stop that grunting. Hmmm . . . -Hmmm . . . Can you give me one good reason why you shouldn't call on Mary? -Can you give me one good reason why you shouldn't call on Mary? Sure –– Sam Wainwright. -Sure –– Sam Wainwright. Hmmm? -Hmmm? Yes. Sam's crazy about Mary. -Yes. Sam's crazy about Mary. Well, she's not crazy about him. -Well, she's not crazy about him. Well, how do you know? Did she discuss it with you? -Well, how do you know? Did she discuss it with you? No. -No. Well then, how do you know? -Well then, how do you know? Well, I've got eyes, haven't I? Why, she lights up like a firefly whenever you're around. -Well, I've got eyes, haven't I? Why, she lights up like a firefly whenever you're around. Oh . . . -Oh . . . And besides, Sam Wainwright's away in New York, and you're here in Bedford Falls. -And besides, Sam Wainwright's away in New York, and you're here in Bedford Falls. And all's fair in love and war? -Mother, you know, I can see right through you –– right back to your back collar button . . . trying to get rid of me, huh? Uh-huh. -Well, here's your hat, what's your hurry? All right, Mother, old Building and Loan pal, I think I'll go out and find a girl and do a little passionate necking. Oh, George! -Oh, George! Now, if you'll just point me in the right direction . . . This direction? Good night, Mrs. Bailey. -George! George! Yes, sir. -Yes, sir. You're not paid to be a canary. -You're not paid to be a canary. No, sir. -Mr. Gower, do you want something . . . Anything? No. -No. Anything I can do back here? -Anything I can do back here? No. -Yes, sir. They have the diphtheria there, haven't they, sir? Ummmm . . . -Is it a charge, sir? Yes –– charge. -Yes –– charge. Mr. Gower, I think . . . -Mr. Gower, I think . . . Aw, get going! -Aw, get going! Yes, sir. -No . . . No . . . No. . . Don't hurt my ear again! -Mr. Gower, I won't ever tell anyone. I know what you're feeling. I won't ever tell a soul. Hope to die, I won't. Oh, George. -Mr. Gower . . . Mr. Gower . . . thanks ever so much for the bag. It's just exactly what I wanted. Aw, forget it. -Aw, forget it. Oh, it's wonderful. -Oh, it's wonderful. Hope you enjoy it. -Mr. Gower! Mr. Gower! This is George Bailey! Don't you know me? No. No. -Yes, you bet. Where's my insurance policy? Oh, here . . . -You want a martini? No, no, Martini. Your boss. Where is he? -Okay –– all right. Double bourbon, quick, huh? Okay. What's yours? -That does it! Out you two pixies go, through the door or out the window! Look, Nick. What's wrong? -Well, Nick, that's your name, isn't it? What's that got to do with it? I don't know you from Adam's off ox. Hey, you! Rummy! Come here! Come here! -Hope you have a good trip, George. Uncle Billy and I are going to miss you. I'm going to miss you, too, Pop. What's the matter? You look tired. -I'm going to miss you, too, Pop. What's the matter? You look tired. Oh, I had another tussle with Potter today. -Oh, I had another tussle with Potter today. Oh . . . -Oh . . . I thought when we put him on the Board of Directors, he'd ease up on us a little bit. -I thought when we put him on the Board of Directors, he'd ease up on us a little bit. I wonder what's eating that old money-grubbing buzzard anyway? -I wonder what's eating that old money-grubbing buzzard anyway? Oh, he's a sick man. Frustrated and sick. Sick in his mind, sick in his soul, if he has one. Hates everybody that has anything that he can't have. Hates us mostly, I guess. -Father, did I act like that when I graduated from high school? Pretty much. You know, George, wish we could send Harry to college with you. Your mother and I talked it over half the night. -Pretty much. You know, George, wish we could send Harry to college with you. Your mother and I talked it over half the night. We have that all figured out. You see, Harry'll take my job at the Building and Loan, work there four years, then he'll go. -We have that all figured out. You see, Harry'll take my job at the Building and Loan, work there four years, then he'll go. He's pretty young for that job. -He's pretty young for that job. Well, no younger than I was. -Well, no younger than I was. Maybe you were born older, George. -Maybe you were born older, George. How's that? -How's that? I say, maybe you were born older. I suppose you've decided what you're going to do when you get out of college. -I say, maybe you were born older. I suppose you've decided what you're going to do when you get out of college. Oh, well, you know what I've always talked about –– build things . . . design new buildings –– plan modern cities –– all that stuff I was talking about. -Oh, well, you know what I've always talked about –– build things . . . design new buildings –– plan modern cities –– all that stuff I was talking about. Still after that first million before you're thirty. -Still after that first million before you're thirty. No, I'll settle for half that in cash. -I know it's soon to talk about it. Oh, now, Pop, I couldn't. I couldn't face being cooped up for the rest of my life in a shabby little office. -Yes . . . Yes . . . You're right, son. You see what I mean, don't you, Pop? -You see what I mean, don't you, Pop? This town is no place for any man unless he's willing to crawl to Potter. You've got talent, son. You get yourself an education. Then get out of here. -This town is no place for any man unless he's willing to crawl to Potter. You've got talent, son. You get yourself an education. Then get out of here. Pop, do you want a shock? I think you're a great guy. -I'm going to miss old Annie. Pop, I think I'll get dressed and go over to Harry's party. Have a good time, son. -Got a match? Very funny. Very funny. -What do you mean, and be bored to death? Couldn't want a better death. Lots of pretty girls, and we're going to use that new floor of yours tonight, too. -Couldn't want a better death. Lots of pretty girls, and we're going to use that new floor of yours tonight, too. I hope it works. -Mary . . . Mary, I'm sorry. I've got to go. Come on, George, let's hurry. -Come on, George, let's hurry. Did you get a doctor? -Oh, am I glad to see you. Say, where's Mother? -Say, where's Mother? She's home cooking the fatted calf. Come on, let's go. -She's home cooking the fatted calf. Come on, let's go. Oh, wait. Wait . . . Wait a minute. -Hello, George, how are you? Harry . . . Harry . . . -George. Hiya, Marty. Well, it's old home week. -Hiya, Marty. Well, it's old home week. Do me a favor, will you, George? -Do me a favor, will you, George? What's that? -What's that? Well, you remember my kid sister, Mary? -Well, you remember my kid sister, Mary? Oh, yeah, yeah. -Oh . . . me? Oh, well, I feel funny enough already, with all these kids. Aw, come on. Be a sport. Just dance with her one time and you'll give her the thrill of her life. -Two cents worth of shoelaces? She was here first. -Good afternoon, Mr. Bailey. Hello, Violet. Hey, you look good. That's some dress you got on there. -Hey, George . . . Hello, Violet. -Hello, Violet. Hello, what am I bid? -Hello, Georgie-Porgie. Hello, Vi. -What gives? Nothing. -Nothing. Where are you going? -Where are you going? Oh, I'll probably end up down at the library. -Let's go out in the fields and take off our shoes and walk through the grass. Huh? -Huh? Then we can go up to the falls. It's beautiful up there in the moonlight, and there's a green pool up there, and we can swim in it. Then we can climb Mt. Bedford, and smell the pines, and watch the sunrise against the peaks, and . . . we'll stay up there the whole night, and everybody'll be talking and there'll be a terrific scandal . . . -George, can I see you for a second? Why, of course you can. Come on in the office here. -No, George, don't . . . Here, now, you're broke, aren't you? -Here, now, you're broke, aren't you? I know, but . . . -I know, but . . . What do you want to do, hock your furs, and that hat? Want to walk to New York? You know, they charge for meals and rent up there just the same as they do in Bedford Falls. -Say hello to New York for me. Yeah –– yeah . . . sure I will. -Yeah –– yeah . . . sure I will. Now, let's hear from you . . . -Violet Bick! I'm not going to go, George. I changed my mind. -Avast, there, Captain Cook! Where you headin'? Got to see Pop, Uncle Billy. -Got to see Pop, Uncle Billy. Some other time, George. -Some other time, George. It's important. -It's important. There's a squall in there that's shapin' up into a storm. -Uh-huh. Breakfast is served; lunch is served; dinner . . . No, no, no, no! Anchor chains, plane motors, and train whistles. -No, no, no, no! Anchor chains, plane motors, and train whistles. Peanut? -Hello. How do you do. -Well, what do you know –– wife. Well, how do you do. Congratulations. Congratulations. What am I doing? -Oh, thank you, George, old boy, old boy. Now, look –– if you'll point me in the right direction . . . would you do that? George? Right down here. -Old Building and Loan pal, huh . . . Now you just turn this way and go right straight down. -Now you just turn this way and go right straight down. That way, huh? -What is this, Uncle Billy? A holiday? George . . . -Why didn't you call me? I just did, but they said you left. This is a pickle, George, this is a pickle. -I just did, but they said you left. This is a pickle, George, this is a pickle. All right now, what happened? How did it start? -All right now, what happened? How did it start? How does anything like this ever start? All I know is the bank called our loan. -How does anything like this ever start? All I know is the bank called our loan. When? -When? About an hour ago. I had to hand over all our cash. -About an hour ago. I had to hand over all our cash. All of it? -All of it? Every cent of it, and it still was less than we owe. -Every cent of it, and it still was less than we owe. Holy mackerel! -Holy mackerel! And then I got scared, George, and closed the doors. I . . . I . . . I . . . -And then I got scared, George, and closed the doors. I . . . I . . . I . . . The whole town's gone crazy. -Yes, hello? George . . . it's Potter. Hello? -George, was it a nice wedding? Gosh, I wanted to be there. Yeah . . . . . . you can take this one off now. -Those Rockefellers! Get a tray for these great big important simoleons. -Get a tray for these great big important simoleons. We'll save them for seed. A toast! -Now look, did you buy anything? Nothing. Not even a stick of gum. -Nothing. Not even a stick of gum. All right. All right. Now we'll go over every step you took since you left the house. -All right. All right. Now we'll go over every step you took since you left the house. This way. -And did you put the envelope in your pocket? Yeah . . yeah . . . maybe . . . maybe . . . -Pop! Have you put any real pressure on those people of yours to pay those mortgages? -Pop! They're not my children. -Yes, sir. You see, if you shoot pool with some employee here, you can come and borrow money. What does that get us? A discontented, lazy rabble instead of a thrifty working class. And all because a few starry-eyed dreamers like Peter Bailey stir them up and fill their heads with a lot of impossible ideas. Now, I say . . . -Just a minute –– just a minute. Now, hold on, Mr. Potter. You're right when you say my father was no business man. I know that. Why he ever started this cheap, penny-ante Building and Loan, I'll never know. But neither you nor anybody else can say anything against his character, because his whole life was . . . Why, in the twenty-five years since he and Uncle Billy started this thing, he never once thought of himself. Isn't that right, Uncle Billy? He didn't save enough money to send Harry to school, let alone me. But he did help a few people get out of your slums, Mr. Potter. And what's wrong with that? Why . . . Here, you're all businessmen here. Doesn't it make them better citizens? Doesn't it make them better customers? You . . . you said . . . What'd you say just a minute ago? . . . They had to wait and save their money before they even ought to think of a decent home. Wait! Wait for what? Until their children grow up and leave them? Until they're so old and broken-down that they . . . Do you know how long it takes a working man to save five thousand dollars? Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you're talking about . . . they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn't think so. People were human beings to him, but to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they're cattle. Well, in my book he died a much richer man than you'll ever be! I'm not interested in your book. I'm talking about the Building and Loan. -I'm not interested in your book. I'm talking about the Building and Loan. I know very well what you're talking about. You're talking about something you can't get your fingers on, and it's galling you. That's what you're talking about, I know. Well, I've said too much. I . . . You're the Board here. You do what you want with this thing. Just one thing more, though. This town needs this measly one-horse institution if only to have some place where people can come without crawling to Potter. Come on, Uncle Billy! -Thank you, sir. Quite a cigar, Mr. Potter. You like it? I'll send you a box. -Yes. Well, most people say you stole all the rest. The envious ones say that, George, the suckers. Now, I have stated my side very frankly. Now, let's look at your side. Young man, twenty-seven, twenty-eight . . . married, making, say . . . forty a week. -You wouldn't mind living in the nicest house in town, buying your wife a lot of fine clothes, a couple of business trips to New York a year, maybe once in a while Europe. You wouldn't mind that, would you, George? Would I? You're not talking to somebody else around here, are you? You know, this is me, you remember me? George Bailey. -Would I? You're not talking to somebody else around here, are you? You know, this is me, you remember me? George Bailey. Oh, yes, George Bailey. Whose ship has just come in –– providing he has brains enough to climb aboard. -Oh, yes, George Bailey. Whose ship has just come in –– providing he has brains enough to climb aboard. Well, what about the Building and Loan? -Well, what about the Building and Loan? Oh, confound it, man, are you afraid of success? I'm offering you a three year contract at twenty thousand dollars a year, starting today. Is it a deal or isn't it? -Oh, confound it, man, are you afraid of success? I'm offering you a three year contract at twenty thousand dollars a year, starting today. Is it a deal or isn't it? Well, Mr. Potter, I . . . I . . . I know I ought to jump at the chance, but I . . . I just . . . I wonder if it would be possible for you to give me twenty-four hours to think it over? -Well, Mr. Potter, I . . . I . . . I know I ought to jump at the chance, but I . . . I just . . . I wonder if it would be possible for you to give me twenty-four hours to think it over? Sure, sure, sure. You go on home and talk about it to your wife. -Sure, sure, sure. You go on home and talk about it to your wife. I'd like to do that. -I'd like to do that. In the meantime, I'll draw up the papers. -In the meantime, I'll draw up the papers. All right, sir. -Yes, sir. Have you notified the police? -Have you notified the police? No, sir. I didn't want the publicity. Harry's homecoming tomorrow . . . -No, sir. No, sir. I haven't. What is it –– a woman, then? You know, it's all over town that you've been giving money to Violet Bick. -Not that it makes any difference to me, but why did you come to me? Why don't you go to Sam Wainwright and ask him for the money? I can't get hold of him. He's in Europe. -I can't get hold of him. He's in Europe. Well, what about all your other friends? -Well, what about all your other friends? They don't have that kind of money, Mr. Potter. You know that. You're the only one in town that can help me. -They don't have that kind of money, Mr. Potter. You know that. You're the only one in town that can help me. I see. I've suddenly become quite important. What kind of security would I have, George? Have you got any stocks? -Yes . . . how much is your equity in it? Five hundred dollars. -I have a big deal coming up that's going to make us all rich. George, you remember that night in Martini's bar when you told me you read someplace about making plastics out of soybeans? Huh? Yeah-yeah-yeah . . . soybeans. Yeah. -Huh? Yeah-yeah-yeah . . . soybeans. Yeah. Well, Dad's snapped up the idea. He's going to build a factory outside of Rochester. How do you like that? -Rochester? Well, why Rochester? Well, why not? Can you think of anything better? -Well, why not? Can you think of anything better? Oh, I don't know . . . why not right here? You remember that old tool and machinery works? You tell your father he can get that for a song. And all the labor he wants, too. Half the town was thrown out of work when they closed down. -Oh, I don't know . . . why not right here? You remember that old tool and machinery works? You tell your father he can get that for a song. And all the labor he wants, too. Half the town was thrown out of work when they closed down. That so? Well, I'll tell him. Hey, that sounds great! Oh, baby, I knew you'd come through. Now, here's the point. Mary, Mary, you're in on this too. Now listen. Have you got any money? -That so? Well, I'll tell him. Hey, that sounds great! Oh, baby, I knew you'd come through. Now, here's the point. Mary, Mary, you're in on this too. Now listen. Have you got any money? Money? Yeah . . . well, a little. -Money? Yeah . . . well, a little. Well, now listen. I want you to put every cent you've got into our stock, you hear? And George, I may have a job for you; that is, unless you're still married to that broken-down Building and Loan. This is the biggest thing since radio, and I'm letting you in on the ground floor. Oh, Mary . . . Mary . . . -Made up your mind yet? I'll take chocolate. -With coconuts? I don't like coconuts. -I don't like coconuts. You don't like coconuts! Say, brainless, don't you know where coconuts come from? Lookit here –– from Tahiti –– Fiji Islands, the Coral Sea! -A new magazine! I never saw it before. Of course you never. Only us explorers can get it. I've been nominated for membership in the National Geographic Society. -Well, hello. Hello. You look at me as if you didn't know me. -Hello. You look at me as if you didn't know me. Well, I don't. -Well, I don't. You've passed me on the street almost every day. -You've passed me on the street almost every day. Me? -Me? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. Uh-uh. That was a little girl named Mary Hatch. That wasn't you. -I'm not very good at this. Neither am I. -Neither am I. Okay –– what can we lose? -Hot dog! Just like an organ. Beautiful. -Do I look as funny as you do? I guess I'm not quite the football type. You . . . look wonderful. You know, if it wasn't me talking I'd say you were the prettiest girl in town. -I guess I'm not quite the football type. You . . . look wonderful. You know, if it wasn't me talking I'd say you were the prettiest girl in town. Well, why don't you say it? -Well, why don't you say it? I don't know. Maybe I will say it. How old are you anyway? -I don't know. Maybe I will say it. How old are you anyway? Eighteen. -Eighteen. Eighteen? Why, it was only last year you were seventeen. -Eighteen? Why, it was only last year you were seventeen. Too young or too old? -Too young or too old? Oh, no. Just right. Your age fits you. Yes, sir, you look a little older without your clothes on. -Your . . . your caboose, my lady. You may kiss my hand. -You may kiss my hand. Ummmmm . . . -Okay, then, I'll throw a rock at the old Granville house. Oh, no, don't. I love that old house. -Oh, no, George, don't. It's full of romance, that old place. I'd like to live in it. In that place? -In that place? Uh-huh. -Uh-huh. I wouldn't live in it as a ghost. Now watch . . . right on the second floor there. -What'd you wish, George? Well, not just one wish. A whole hatful, Mary. I know what I'm going to do tomorrow and the next day and the next year and the year after that. I'm shaking the dust of this crummy little town off my feet and I'm going to see the world. Italy, Greece, the Parthenon, the Colosseum. Then I'm coming back here and go to college and see what they know . . . and then I'm going to build things. I'm gonna build air fields. I'm gonna build skyscrapers a hundred stories high. I'm gonna build bridges a mile long . . . -Oh, no. Come on, tell me. -Come on, tell me. If I told you it might not come true. -If I told you it might not come true. What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say . . . -I'll take it. And then what? Well, then you could swallow it and it'd all dissolve, see? And the moonbeams'd shoot out of your fingers and your toes, and the ends of your hair. Am I talking too much? -Ouch! Gesundheit. This requires a little thought here. -They're way downtown. They'd be on my side, too. I'm going to scream! -Hello, Mary. I just happened to be passing by. Yeah, so I noticed. Have you made up your mind? -Yeah, so I noticed. Have you made up your mind? How's that? -How's that? Have you made up your mind? -Have you made up your mind? About what? -About what? About coming in. Your mother just phoned and said you were on your way over to pay me a visit. -My mother just called you? Well, how did she know? Didn't you tell her? -Didn't you tell her? I didn't tell anybody. I just went for a walk and happened to be passing by . . . -Well, are you coming in or aren't you? Well, I'll come in for a minute, but I didn't tell anybody I was coming over here. -When did you get back? Tuesday. -Tuesday. Where'd you get that dress? -Where'd you get that dress? Do you like it? -Do you like it? It's all right. I thought you'd go back to New York like Sam and Ingie, and the rest of them. -It's all right. I thought you'd go back to New York like Sam and Ingie, and the rest of them. Oh, I worked there for a couple of vacations, but I don't know . . . I guess I was homesick. -All right, for a minute. I still can't understand it though. You know I didn't tell anybody I was coming here. Would you rather leave? -Would you rather leave? No, I don't want to be rude. -No, I don't want to be rude. Well, then, sit down. -Well, I see it still smells like pine needles in here. Thank you. -Oh . . . yeah, yeah. That's all right. Don't you like her? -Don't you like her? Well, of course I like her. She's a peach. -Well, of course I like her. She's a peach. Oh, it's just marriage in general you're not enthusiastic about, huh? -Oh, it's just marriage in general you're not enthusiastic about, huh? No, marriage is all right for Harry, and Marty, and Sam and you. -George . . . George . . . George . . . Mary . . . -Where are we going? Look at this. There's the kitty, Ernie. Here, come on, count it, Mary. I feel like a bootlegger's wife. Look! -I feel like a bootlegger's wife. Look! You know what we're going to do? We're going to shoot the works. A whole week in New York. A whole week in Bermuda. The highest hotels –– the oldest champagne –– the richest caviar –– the hottest music, and the prettiest wife! -After that, who cares? That does it –– come here. -Just a minute, dear. Oh-oh . . . Please, let's not stop, George. -Please, let's not stop, George. I'll be back in a minute, Mary. -Oh, Mary . . . Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for. -Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for. Darling, you're wonderful. -Have fun. Thanks for dropping around. -Hi. Hi. -Hi. Mary Hatch, why in the world did you ever marry a guy like me? -Mary Hatch, why in the world did you ever marry a guy like me? To keep from being an old maid. -To keep from being an old maid. You could have married Sam Wainwright or anybody else in town. -You could have married Sam Wainwright or anybody else in town. I didn't want to marry anybody else in town. I want my baby to look like you. -I didn't want to marry anybody else in town. I want my baby to look like you. You didn't even have a honeymoon. I promised you . . . . . . Your what? -You didn't even have a honeymoon. I promised you . . . . . . Your what? My baby. -George Bailey lassos stork. Lassos the stork! You mean you . . . What is it, a boy or a girl? -Is it snowing? Yeah, just started. -Yeah, just started. Where's your coat and hat? -Where's your coat and hat? Left them at the office. -Zuzu! What's the matter with Zuzu? Oh, she's got a cold. She's in bed. Caught it coming home from school. They gave her a flower for a prize and she didn't want to crush it so she didn't button up her coat. -Oh, she's got a cold. She's in bed. Caught it coming home from school. They gave her a flower for a prize and she didn't want to crush it so she didn't button up her coat. What is it, a sore throat or what? -What is it, a sore throat or what? Just a cold. The doctor says it's nothing serious. -Just a cold. The doctor says it's nothing serious. The doctor? Was the doctor here? -The doctor? Was the doctor here? Yes, I called him right away. He says it's nothing to worry about. -Yes, I called him right away. He says it's nothing to worry about. Is she running a temperature? What is it? -Is she running a temperature? What is it? Just a teensie one –– ninety-nine, six. She'll be all right. -Where're you going? Going up to see Zuzu. -Mary! Mary! George, darling! Where have you been? -Oh, George, George, George. Mary! Let me touch you! Oh, you're real! -Mary! Let me touch you! Oh, you're real! Oh, George, George! -Oh, George, George! You have no idea what's happened to me. -You have no idea what's happened to me. You have no idea what happened . . . -Oh, you two idiots! George, sit down and have dinner. I've eaten. -I've eaten. Well, aren't you going to finish dressing for your graduation party? Look at you. -Well, aren't you going to finish dressing for your graduation party? Look at you. I don't care. It's George's tux. -Pop, can I have the car? I'm going to take over a lot of plates and things. What plates? -What plates? Oh, Mom –– I'm chairman of the eats committee and we only need a couple of dozen. -Oh, Mom –– I'm chairman of the eats committee and we only need a couple of dozen. Oh, no you don't. Harry, now, not my best Haviland. -Put those things in the car and I'll get your tie and studs together. Okay, Mom. You coming later? You coming later, George? -I guess you forgot something. Huh? -Huh? You forgot something. -You forgot something. What? -What? Well, aren't you going to make a deposit? -Well, aren't you going to make a deposit? Sure, sure I am. -Sure, sure I am. Well, then . . it's usually customary to bring the money with you. -Well, then . . it's usually customary to bring the money with you. Oh, shucks . . . -How about that one there? Hmm? Well, I . . . -How fast does this go? With the right wind, 15-20 knots. -With the right wind, 15-20 knots. What? -You can? You going to the lighthouse? -Come on, you guys. Well, I don't know.... -For me...? What the hell. For you.... -Great! Find one for me. With butter, if they got any.... -Wheee! Faster! How fast is enough? -How fast is enough? I want to go faster! -My hair's getting wet! So's mine. -When do we get to the lighthouse? Soon, dark eyes, soon. -I can't wait to get there. But of course. -Sure you do -- you win either way. I'm supposed to. -Oh, shit. Someone pop your balloon? -Someone pop your balloon? No problem, no problem. -Low tide at Cable Junction is 7:46 p.m. What'd you do? Memorize the tide tables? -What'd you do? Memorize the tide tables? I can't help it it sticks in my mind. -It's okay, it's okay.... Sean! Listen! Listen to me, Sean. -Bring her to port a little. That's it -- steady. I think we're changing course a little. -Don't! Stop paddling! -Easy, easy -- you'll swamp us! Back down! -Get on the rocks! Swim for it! -Yeah, it's her job. Is she responsible for the punch? -Is she responsible for the punch? No. -No. Good. It's terrible. -Who's that? Quick -- I'm in love. I hope that's the cousin. -Maybe by now they are. They're moving pretty fast. -If you're beached, why are we doing this? For practice? Yeah. -Yeah. Then why are we futzing around the dock? We can make a few bucks working at the beach. -Why not? I could give you a dozen good reasons. -I could give you a dozen good reasons. Shut up. -Shut up. Okay, okay, don't say I didn't remind you. -Turkeys! Eat wind! Yee-hah! -Your dad must be really pissed. We better go back in. -We better go back in. It's not going to be easy. -Putz -- that won't be for hours. I was counting on hours. -They're okay, if they got little white canes and tin cups. That's awful. -That's awful. What the hell. Did your mom put all this together? -Same as always -- glub-glub, bubble-bubble, stroke-stroke. There sure is some weird shit on the bottom of the ocean. Shells and lobsters and stuff? -Shells and lobsters and stuff? Mostly old garbage. Today we found a '48 Hudson. -Over here. I want you to meet somebody. Lucky. Lucky, lucky, lucky. -The lighthouse? No big thing, we'll see who's out there, maybe picnic. -Why'd they decide to move? Too hot in the lighthouse? -What is it? We're hung up on something. -Where're we going? Oh, out a ways. Maybe the lighthouse. -Goddamn it, Sean, you listen to me or I will kick your ass, do you hear me? Listen to Andy, Sean. -Listen to Andy, Sean. We're throwing a rope and you better catch it, hear? -But we had it! We were headed right for it! Shit. Shit, shit, shit! -But the island! The Shark. -We're carrying weight. We'll take your supercargo. -Coming up! Give way! Like hell! We're on the starboard tack! -Loser sails home alone. You're betting what you already got. -As soon as you get us on the island, you got to call in. My dad's the mayor.... There's a shark.... -Throw it. Sean! Catch it! -I don't know. What the hell, we're steering for it. -Coming up! Gangway, Turkies! -I thought you said she was going with us? Let's just go sailing, okay? -Let's just go sailing, okay? Want to talk about it? -Want to talk about it? Want to swim home? -You coming up on him? You bet. Hang on.... -How're we going to do that floating on this garbage...? Anyone got another set of sails? -Hey! Over here! -Sean! Catch the rope! The rope! The rope! -We're hung up here. Snagged. Can you get us a line? -Chief Brody -- can we go? Please? Oh, yeah. Sure. -Tina! N-o-o-o-o-o-o.... -N-o-o-o-o-o-o.... It's okay, it's okay. What's the matter? Tina? Honey? Hey --- -It's okay, it's okay. What's the matter? Tina? Honey? Hey --- No! It's still there! -No! It's still there! What is it? What's there? -What is it? What's there? It's still there! -It's still there! I need a hand here.... -Good morning! Aren't you off-duty? -Aren't you off-duty? Till noon. This is on my own time. Hi, Shorty. -On your own time? Happy to do it. -Happy to do it. Then check it out. I'll be in the office. -Chief.... Hendricks. I want to go over your reports and your Form 908. -I never heard of a 908. "I just made it up. It means, ""Get me out of there."" What the hell's that?" -"I just made it up. It means, ""Get me out of there."" What the hell's that?" Diver's camera. Tom Andrews brought it up from under that abandoned cruiser. -Diver's camera. Tom Andrews brought it up from under that abandoned cruiser. Abandoned? It's a little early in the season for that. -Abandoned? It's a little early in the season for that. Rich people. Home port is Newport, Rhode Island. -Rich people. Home port is Newport, Rhode Island. If I had a $100,000 boat, I sure as hell wouldn't leave it anchored alone in the channel. -If I had a $100,000 boat, I sure as hell wouldn't leave it anchored alone in the channel. If you had a $100,000 boat there'd be an investigation. -We got a helluva tide this month. Could you just keep that crowd back, please? -Chief? In here. -In here. I missed you at the funeral home. Santos said you were here. -I missed you at the funeral home. Santos said you were here. You didn't miss much. Christ, what a mess. -You didn't miss much. Christ, what a mess. Positive I.D.? -Positive I.D.? The woman passenger on the boat that blew up. -The woman passenger on the boat that blew up. Oh. -What about that camera? What camera? -What camera? That one -- from the wreck. You brought it up, did you look inside it? -Well, what the hell -- might be something worth seeing. Take it somewhere and see if there's film in it.... If there is, develop it! -If there is, develop it! You got it. -I know just where to go. Not the drugstore! -Not the drugstore! Of course not, They're closed. Phil Fogarty's place. He'll do it for me. -Of course not, They're closed. Phil Fogarty's place. He'll do it for me. The drugstore's closed? What the hell time is it? -The drugstore's closed? What the hell time is it? Nine-thirty, ten maybe. -Nine-thirty, ten maybe. Shit -- I'm late for dinner... Close up, okay? -Oh yeah -- I'm expecting a long distance call, very important. Give them my home phone. Right. -How long ago? About an hour, maybe two. Let's see -- I came on about eight.... -I can't let you take her out. You can't stop me. -Mike's out there. But I signed for the boat. You' re not authorized any more. -Untie that rope. Please. It's my job. -You're too close. Back off. Goddamnit, Hendricks, untie the rope there. -I'm going out there. Hey -- you can't do that. -About 10 degrees off your star- board bow, take a heading leeward of Sand Island, and lay her north by northeast.... Never mind that shit. Just point. -See where Cable Junction is? Look to the left. The lighthouse. That's it. Got it. -Where to? No place special. Just hanging out. -No place special. Just hanging out. Sailing? -I don't know about him -- I'm going down to the dock, maybe go sailing. Every day? -Every day? What else is there to do? -What else is there to do? You could work out at the beach, make a few bucks for school. -You could work out at the beach, make a few bucks for school. Do I have to? -Do I have to? You'll have to make up your own mind about that. -I'm going. What about tennis? Riding? fixing up old cars? Bartending? -What about tennis? Riding? fixing up old cars? Bartending? Bartending? I'm 17. -Bartending? I'm 17. Okay, not bartending. Why on the water every day? -Okay, not bartending. Why on the water every day? Because. -Because. Look, humor the old man -- just be careful. -Look, humor the old man -- just be careful. I'll be careful. I'll see y'later. -Don't go out if it's rough or any- thing, huh? We've had a lot of trouble. Okay, okay. -You stay here a minute. Oh, c'mon. -Oh, c'mon. You heard me. -Pop.... You stay right here. You're going in with me. -Is Hooper coming to dinner? Not till next year. -Michael. Yeah? -Yeah? You want to come here a minute? -I got something for you to do tomorrow. I kind of had plans.... -I kind of had plans.... Sailing? Forget it. You're beached. Grounded. No more boats. -Sailing? Forget it. You're beached. Grounded. No more boats. Hey, come on.... -Hey, come on.... No backtalk! I spoke to Upton, at the beach, and he's got a job for you there. You can work until school starts. -Mike? Is that you? Pop. I'm sorry. -Pop. I'm sorry. It's okay. What happened? -I passed out, but I'm okay. At least you're safe. What about the others? -Jesus, don't freeze on me. What about the others? Sean's still out there. -Sean's still out there. What? -Dad, I'm sorry.... Stay here. Don't go anywhere. Just stay here. -I don't know what you did, but that kid stopped. I haven't heard one peep, not one 'breaker breaker' for days. Believe me, it's a pleasure.... You said something about a camera. -You said something about a camera. Sure, sure -- Jeff Hendricks brought in this camera, see, from underwater, and I didn't know how to get it open, but my brother-in- law, in Montauk, he works at a hi- fi store, and they sell cameras, so he.... -Sure, sure -- Jeff Hendricks brought in this camera, see, from underwater, and I didn't know how to get it open, but my brother-in- law, in Montauk, he works at a hi- fi store, and they sell cameras, so he.... Did you get any pictures? -Did you get any pictures? Well, yeah, I did, that's the funny thing. You can't tell much from the negatives, I was going to blow 'em up. Here's a test I did.... -Not bad -- that's a real fast lens, probably 1.4. Look at the diffusion, though.... What else you got? -What else you got? Let's see -- you got a minute? -Let's see -- you got a minute? Come on, Phil, don't jerk me around. -Come on, Phil, don't jerk me around. Okay, okay -- stand over there.... -Fantastic lady. Don't know what I'd do without her. Me neither. -Me neither. Y'know, Brody -- for the first time in years it's worth putting money into this town. -Y'know, Brody -- for the first time in years it's worth putting money into this town. All of us thank you, okay? -May I have this dance? Sorry, I'm all booked up... Come, m'dear. -Wait a minute.... Too late, it's written. -Too late, it's written. Heck of a way to treat a taxpayer. Don't you have any pull with the chief, here? -Is Jeff Hendricks qualified to fill in as an interim Chief of Police in your absence? Temporarily? Uh...sure.... -It came up during the meeting. Look -- I just got this from Phil Fogarty. It was in the camera belonging to the missing divers. It proves I was right, all along. -What are you all, blind? It's a shark. Look -- teeth, jaw, gills. Is that what it is? -Is that what it is? You're damn right that's what it is. -What have you seen before? This is nothing. Seaweed. Mud. Some- thing in the lens. My ass! -There is nothing to discuss. Will you listen to this man? Will you just listen to him? You really caused a panic on a public beach, you shoot up the place, God knows who could've been injured -- what if somebody de- cides to sue us? That could ruin us. -Will you listen to this man? Will you just listen to him? You really caused a panic on a public beach, you shoot up the place, God knows who could've been injured -- what if somebody de- cides to sue us? That could ruin us. Is that what it is? Dollars? Money? I'll pay for it. Take it out of my salary. -Is that what it is? Dollars? Money? I'll pay for it. Take it out of my salary. You don't make enough. -You don't make enough. Maybe I don't make as much money as some bullshit rip-off artists around here, but I don't work the same way. -Maybe I don't make as much money as some bullshit rip-off artists around here, but I don't work the same way. What's that supposed to mean? -What's that supposed to mean? It means I don't like all that grab-ass and heavy breathing with my wife, it means I know who's out to screw me here, and it means that I know something none of you know because I've been there -- and I don't want to go through that horror again. Ever! -As soon as I heard about it, I called you. This thing is big! His arms indicate big. After we've looked, we'll talk. -Look at that: First things first. -Length, 22 feet, 8 inches. Come on, let's check the bite radius. -Come on, let's check the bite radius. The what? -The what? Bite radius. You know, the size of the mouth? -Bite radius. You know, the size of the mouth? The whale's mouth? -The whale's mouth? The Shark's mouth. -The Shark's mouth. What shark? -The shark that did this. It was a shark, wasn't it? We don't know that, do we? -We don't know that, do we? But that's what we're here to find out, right? -But that's what we're here to find out, right? You don't tell me my job, and I won't tell you about yours, okay? -Could be a shark. But maybe not. Look, I know a little bit about sharks. -Look, I know a little bit about sharks. Do you? -Do you? I know that this was probably a Great White Shark. Car-cadon... Caradan.... -Carcharadon Carcharias. That's it. -That's it. Okay, so that's it. -Okay, so that's it. Is there one in these waters? -Is there one in these waters? What makes you think there might be? -What makes you think there might be? Because this big fish has been bitten by some other big fish.... -Because this big fish has been bitten by some other big fish.... This is a mammal, not a fish. -This is a mammal, not a fish. Jesus, don't quibble with me. I want to know if a Great White Shark did this. -Jesus, don't quibble with me. I want to know if a Great White Shark did this. Probably. -Probably. That's it? Probably? Look, sharks are attracted by blood, and thrashing around.... -That's it? Probably? Look, sharks are attracted by blood, and thrashing around.... And sound. -And sound. Sound? -Sound? Sound. Like sonar, or radar. They home in on irregular sounds, unusual sounds, any rhythmic low- frequency vibration. -Sound. Like sonar, or radar. They home in on irregular sounds, unusual sounds, any rhythmic low- frequency vibration. So there's one around here. -So there's one around here. Not necessarily. These wounds could've been inflicted 30 miles out to sea, or more. None of them are immediately fatal. Currents could've carried the body 10 miles further. -It's either a Great White, or another killer whale. Can't you tell? -Can't you tell? Not when it's like this. This animal has been ashore for 10, 12 hours, and drifting for a day, at least. Every little nibbler in the sea's taken a bite. -Not when it's like this. This animal has been ashore for 10, 12 hours, and drifting for a day, at least. Every little nibbler in the sea's taken a bite. Look -- can Great White Sharks communicate? Send out signals, or something? You know, take revenge, sense an enemy.... -Look -- can Great White Sharks communicate? Send out signals, or something? You know, take revenge, sense an enemy.... Don't be ridiculous -- Sharks don't take things personally. -Where the hell were you? Late. -Late. I can see that. Don't you know this is a big deal? -Do I have to talk to those two? My boss and your boss. Sure. -Can you take a little time out from your busy schedule to dance with the old man? Why? -Why? Because they're playing our song. -Remember 1959, the Jersey shore? And how. I thought you wouldn't respect me. -And how. I thought you wouldn't respect me. I did, I did. -Listen -- what are you doing later? Fooling around? -Fooling around? Right. -Let's get the kid home. Home it is. -Mmmm. MMMmmmorning.... -Sean's awake. Door's locked. -Door's locked. Good. -Mrs. Silvera? Mrs. Silvera. -Need a ride? As far as the office. -Hey! That's my boss! Better yet. -You have to smoke so early in the morning? It's good with coffee. -It's good with coffee. So's a donut. -Eat Cheerios. What're you guys doing today? -Where's my day book? In the den. -Why don't you take a half day and clean this junk up? Because, I'm in the middle of a boating accident, I got only four regular cops and one secretary, and a Chief Deputy who is constantly fiddling with the police boat He's another one. -Because, I'm in the middle of a boating accident, I got only four regular cops and one secretary, and a Chief Deputy who is constantly fiddling with the police boat He's another one. One what? Ah-ha! -One what? Ah-ha! Boat nut. What is it about this place that makes everyone a freak for boating? -Boat nut. What is it about this place that makes everyone a freak for boating? It's an island. Got to run. -Thank you. I'll tell him. For me? -For me? Sort of -- Mathew Hooper is aboard the research vessel Aurora, presently in the Antarctic Ocean, and won't be in radio range until half-past next spring. -Sort of -- Mathew Hooper is aboard the research vessel Aurora, presently in the Antarctic Ocean, and won't be in radio range until half-past next spring. Damn. -Oh, hi -- How was dinner? Oh, perfect -- a 75 per cent family affair. Where were you? -Oh, perfect -- a 75 per cent family affair. Where were you? Santos' place. -Oww! Careful. What's wrong? -Careful. What's wrong? Nothing. -Nothing. Nothing, huh? -Nothing, huh? That's what I said. Is there any of that hand cleaner stuff? -That's what I said. Is there any of that hand cleaner stuff? Use the little brush there. Why were you at Santos'? -Use the little brush there. Why were you at Santos'? Found one of the missing victims from that boat deal. -Found one of the missing victims from that boat deal. Oh. Want to talk about it? -Oh. Want to talk about it? No. -No. Terrific. -All summer? He wanted a job, he's got one. I want to see that boat out of the water by tomorrow night. -I know what you're going to say. Do you? -Do you? In the city, it happened all the time -- some Kid o.d.'s on a rooftop, top, a drunk gets cut in pieces under the Brooklyn local, old people die alone in shitty apartments and three weeks later someone calls the cops because of the smell and the flies. Call the cops. What are we, immune? -In the city, it happened all the time -- some Kid o.d.'s on a rooftop, top, a drunk gets cut in pieces under the Brooklyn local, old people die alone in shitty apartments and three weeks later someone calls the cops because of the smell and the flies. Call the cops. What are we, immune? It was bad, wasn't it. -It was bad, wasn't it. The goddamn smell is always the same. -The goddamn smell is always the same. Are you going to be able to sleep? -Are you going to be able to sleep? Yeah. I think so. Mike! Keep it down, for chrissake! -Hi. I closed a sale today, without Len. That's $1200 commission, if the papers go through. That's great. -That's great. Sean's asleep. -Sean's asleep. That's great too. Gorgeous. -What's wrong? Ooohh, nothing. I just got fired, that's all. -What? What'd I say? -What'd I say? That you were fired. -That you were fired. Then that's what I meant. Fired. Canned. Out on my fanny. The Selectmen just made Hendricks the new Chief of Police. Just like that. -Then that's what I meant. Fired. Canned. Out on my fanny. The Selectmen just made Hendricks the new Chief of Police. Just like that. Because of today? The beach? -Because of today? The beach? No sweat. A blessing in disguise. Back to the city, you can go to Bloomingdale's without waiting six hours for the ferryboat...we're surrounded by water here, you realize that? Me, surrounded by water...Ridiculous. -No sweat. A blessing in disguise. Back to the city, you can go to Bloomingdale's without waiting six hours for the ferryboat...we're surrounded by water here, you realize that? Me, surrounded by water...Ridiculous. Stop that! We're not going any place. You love it here. Tell me what the hell happened! -Stop that! We're not going any place. You love it here. Tell me what the hell happened! Showed them the photo, showed them the goddamn Shark, big as life. They didn't see it. Not like me. Not like the poor son-of-a-bitch who snapped this li'l picture...He's out there, somewhere... I shot off my gun, shot off my big mouth, so they fired me.... -Showed them the photo, showed them the goddamn Shark, big as life. They didn't see it. Not like me. Not like the poor son-of-a-bitch who snapped this li'l picture...He's out there, somewhere... I shot off my gun, shot off my big mouth, so they fired me.... Honey, this is nothing...I don't know what it is. What did they.... -Honey, this is nothing...I don't know what it is. What did they.... ...Everybody wants the job. No one wants the authority. Except Hendricks. Fine. He can go out there in that precious boat, and when he looks whitey in his big mouth he can just call me. Call me in New York...tell him to kiss my ass.... -...Everybody wants the job. No one wants the authority. Except Hendricks. Fine. He can go out there in that precious boat, and when he looks whitey in his big mouth he can just call me. Call me in New York...tell him to kiss my ass.... They have no right to treat you like that. You've given them every- thing. For four years, you've protected this town, the people on this island.... -They have no right to treat you like that. You've given them every- thing. For four years, you've protected this town, the people on this island.... Fired me! I'm not a hysterical man. I'm responsible. I know what I saw.... -Fired me! I'm not a hysterical man. I'm responsible. I know what I saw.... I know you did.... -I know you did.... I try. Goddamnit, I tried...Now, I'm tired...I can't keep fighting it...I'm too tired...I'm...I'm.... -What're you going to do today? Turn in the car. Clean my desk, explain things to our sons, then maybe get shit-faced and punch your boss. -Turn in the car. Clean my desk, explain things to our sons, then maybe get shit-faced and punch your boss. I'll give notice. -I'll give notice. Don't rush into it -- we may need the income. -Hey -- it's not your job any more. I'm going to be late for work. Just one minute.... -What're you doing? Going out. -What is it? What's the matter? Mike's out there. -Hello, hello. It went well, I thought. Very impressive ceremony. Good speech. -Very impressive ceremony. Good speech. Thank you, thank you. You know my son, don't you? -I'm showing summer rentals. We got a helluva season going. We have got to talk, and we have got to talk alone. -We have got to talk, and we have got to talk alone. We're alone. -We're alone. Larry, I don't know how to say this, but I think we got a shark problem. A real one. -Are you serious? Of course. Look -- I've got some missing persons, fatalities, evidence of a large predator.... -Of course. Look -- I've got some missing persons, fatalities, evidence of a large predator.... No one has seen a shark -- no fin, no bites, nothing. Be realistic. -No one has seen a shark -- no fin, no bites, nothing. Be realistic. I got a feeling. I have to act on it -- you can understand that, can't you? -I got a feeling. I have to act on it -- you can understand that, can't you? Of course I can, but can't it wait? These things cost money, and this town doesn't have much money. -Of course I can, but can't it wait? These things cost money, and this town doesn't have much money. We have to do something. -We have to do something. We have done something -- hell, we damn near went broke putting up a shark watch tower on the beach -- it's the only one in 2000 miles, y'know. -We have done something -- hell, we damn near went broke putting up a shark watch tower on the beach -- it's the only one in 2000 miles, y'know. I know, I know.... -I know, I know.... And I stood by while you told the people from Ramada and Marriott that if they put up a hotel they'd need $800,000 worth of steel net around their beaches! In New England? We all lost on that one. -And I stood by while you told the people from Ramada and Marriott that if they put up a hotel they'd need $800,000 worth of steel net around their beaches! In New England? We all lost on that one. It's still a good idea. -It's still a good idea. Martin, when we build up our tax base a little, you can have every- thing you want; right now, the town's broke. -Martin, when we build up our tax base a little, you can have every- thing you want; right now, the town's broke. Please, Larry -- there's good reason. Those water skiers.... -Please, Larry -- there's good reason. Those water skiers.... A tragedy. But that was a boating accident; no bites, no sharks, nothing but a boating accident. -A tragedy. But that was a boating accident; no bites, no sharks, nothing but a boating accident. Two of them are still missing! -Two of them are still missing! There's always deaths in these waters that never turn up. Are they all shark victims? -There's always deaths in these waters that never turn up. Are they all shark victims? Maybe they are! -Bullshit. Bullshit? I'll give you bullshit -- there's a dead whale out there with bites all over it! -Bullshit? I'll give you bullshit -- there's a dead whale out there with bites all over it! What am I, an ass? When you called me, I called Elkins, and her bosses. Nothing she saw is proof of anything. -What am I, an ass? When you called me, I called Elkins, and her bosses. Nothing she saw is proof of anything. Someone has to do something. -Someone has to do something. Don't push it this time. If you do, it won't turn out the way you want, I guarantee you that. -Thank God you guys were all together. I got something for you. Proof! Martin, this is kind of an official meeting -Martin, this is kind of an official meeting Perfect. Look at this --- -Chief -- the Board of Selectmen has a question only you can answer. What? -Martin, it could be anything. What the hell does it take to make sense to you numbskulls? Jesus, it's right there in front of you. I know what a goddamn shark looks like, I've been through it, don't you understand? I've seen this sonofabitch before! -Martin, could you wait here for a few minutes while we make up our minds about something? Go ahead, whatever it's worth. -Affirmative. Can you get your chopper airborne? 10-4, in a few minutes. He's down checking a buoy in the Bay Channel. -10-4, in a few minutes. He's down checking a buoy in the Bay Channel. Get him the hell over to Amity Point, the old lighthouse. Right now. -Get him the hell over to Amity Point, the old lighthouse. Right now. What for? -What for? There's a bunch of Kids day-sailing that way. Turn them back to port. -There's a bunch of Kids day-sailing that way. Turn them back to port. That's it? -That's it? That's it. Just do it, all right? -That's it. Just do it, all right? 10-4, soon as I can raise him. -10-4, soon as I can raise him. If they're not at the light, look for them. I don't want them out there. Get them back to port! -If they're not at the light, look for them. I don't want them out there. Get them back to port! Affirmative, affirmative. Turn the Kids day-sailing back to port. I heard you. Patrol out. -Harbor Air, do you read? Over? Brody? This is Patrol Base. -Where the hell is Air One? That's what I'd like to know. Lost transmission at Cable Junction. -That's what I'd like to know. Lost transmission at Cable Junction. Did he raise the Kids? -Did he raise the Kids? Last transmission said ten juve- niles. -Last transmission said ten juve- niles. Yeah? Then what? -Yeah? Then what? Then nothing. If you see him, tell him to switch to an operational frequency, or give me a status report yourself. -Then nothing. If you see him, tell him to switch to an operational frequency, or give me a status report yourself. Did you say Cable Junction? -Did you say Cable Junction? That's what he said. -That's what he said. When? -When? 1530 hours. Might still be there. Base out. -Mom, Michael won't talk to me. Shouldn't he be at home? -Can I go swimming? No. Find your brother, okay? -Some people. What's daddy doing? -Can I go with you today? You stay with Mrs. Silvera, Tootsie. Okay? -Hi Dad. Hiya yourself. -Hang on! Dad! Dad! -Dad! Dad! I'm okay, baby, I'm here. It's okay.... -They made me go with them. Sure they did.... -Is that me? That's you. -That's you. I've never been supercargo. -The lighthouse is a make-out spot. Now I really want to see it. -Now I really want to see it. You going to fool around with Mike? Well, I'm not doing anything with him. -I told you, remember? Oh, yeah. So why aren't they doing it now? -What's wrong? Tide doesn't turn for three hours. -It killed her. It ate her. Shh. Shhh.... -We're going to die. It's all right, we're okay. -How old is your cousin? Seventeen. She's a senior. -Seventeen. She's a senior. I'm not crazy about blind dates. -My cousin will be here tomorrow. Great. -You're not going out right away, are you? Waiting for Andy. -Waiting for Andy. I want you to meet my cousin. -I want you to meet my cousin. I will, I will. -She just likes to tease. I think she really likes you. Great. -Mike! Are you going out? Maybe. -Did you ever see a dolphin? Sure. They like to play. We may see some today. -Sure. They like to play. We may see some today. Great! -Whoops, almost lost one. Can't play with the dolphins without skis.... Ready? -Ready? Hang on, hang on...Okay, go. -Terry! You okay? Help! Help! -Help! Help! Okay, okay, coming.... -Get a dance yet? Nope. -Nope. Me neither. -Me neither. Who'd you ask? -Who'd you ask? Tina Wilcox. -Tina Wilcox. You're crazy. She's Ed's girl friend. -You're crazy. She's Ed's girl friend. Doesn't hurt to ask. Sometimes the most beautiful girls are the loneliest. -Doesn't hurt to ask. Sometimes the most beautiful girls are the loneliest. That's a crock of shit. -That's a crock of shit. I know. -No class. None at all. I wonder what the Brebner twins are doing tomorrow night. -That's what I want -- a gaff rig. Gaff rigged? Why not a staysail schooner? Go anywhere. Look at this -- the Mayan, an Alden schooner. -Anyone know what time it is? 3:30. -Maybe it's gone. They tend to follow moving things. Maybe it's following Polo and Timmy. -By 7:46, when the tide turns around, we'll be twenty miles out. More, with this wind. Shut up. -Shut up. I can't stop thinking! -The wind drift is lateral. What's that mean? -What's that mean? Sideways - For every yard we go this way, we also slide sideways this way.... -Take a break for a minute, okay? Huh? -Eddie, can we do that? Can we go skiing? We can use my Uncle's boat. Eddie? Next week. -Next week. With you, everything's next week. I want to go skiing soon. Tomorrow? -Come on back up here! Nope. -Nope. Give me back my hat! -Give me back my hat! Double nope! -You want to tack, or just leave her pointed up like this? Just like this. -Just like this. What about sailing? -What about sailing? The tide's running. It'll take us to the light. -The tide's running. It'll take us to the light. It'll take us to Budapest if you're not careful. -What about the others? They'll be there when we get there. Might even have a fire started. -They'll be there when we get there. Might even have a fire started. What're we going to do in the mean time? -What're we going to do in the mean time? I dunno. We'll think of something. -But first, a little juice.... And second? -And second? Mmmmmm. -Mmmmmm. Wait a minute. Promise me something. -Wait a minute. Promise me something. Anything. Anything. -Anything. Anything. That you'll put down a blanket. I've got black and blue marks all over my butt, and my Mom's getting uptight about them. -That you'll put down a blanket. I've got black and blue marks all over my butt, and my Mom's getting uptight about them. You got it. -Right after, the Kids went out? What Kids? Who went out? -What Kids? Who went out? All of them. Mike, Junior Vaughn, Brookie Peters, Pat, Lucy -- all that whole gang. -All of them. Mike, Junior Vaughn, Brookie Peters, Pat, Lucy -- all that whole gang. Mike? Our Mike? -Mike? Our Mike? Yep. Looked like they were headed to the lighthouse. -Mrs. Brody, look -- if he can't go, then you can't go. Neither of you can go. I'm going. -Hurry, please. What the hell, they can't fire both of us -- someone's got to be in charge, right? Which way are we going? -Be careful.... Anything? -Rich or poor, it's nice to have money. Figure they split? -Figure they split? Happens every season -- someone takes off. Once we had a schooner for a month while the owners went fox hunting. -How much longer? Until we find something. -Until we find something. I don't care about the overtime, I'm hungry. And cold. And most of all, bored. -About damn time. What the hell is it? -What is it? Power line. -Power line. Oh, great. -It comes here from Cable Junction. Untangle it and let's go -- We don't need a blackout on the island. -Untangle it and let's go -- We don't need a blackout on the island. Now you're talking. Let's get out of here before we do find something. -What's the lighthouse? It's an island, near here, with a lighthouse. We sometimes hang out there, you know.... -It's an island, near here, with a lighthouse. We sometimes hang out there, you know.... Great. I got some wine. -Too hot tor those two? I can't believe it. Is there something I don't know about? -We'll be over by the lighthouse. I'll be right there. Wait up. -I'd like to go out to the light- house with you. I'm not sure I can. -I'm not sure I can. It'll be fun, come on! -It'll be fun, come on! Maybe you and Brooke could come over to the town beach.... -Maybe you and Brooke could come over to the town beach.... No way. Everybody's going sailing. If you don't want to take me, just say so. -No way. Everybody's going sailing. If you don't want to take me, just say so. That's not it. My dad told me not to go. -That's not it. My dad told me not to go. You do everything your parents tell you? -You do everything your parents tell you? No. -No. Good. I'll be on the dock at eight. Eight o'clock, everybody! -I thought you were grounded. I can go out if I want to. -That's fun! Let's race for some- thing! Name it. -I don't care. I love it. -What's wrong? We're fighting wind and current. I though we'd be out longer, catch the incoming tide. -Faster! Faster! Coming about.... -Mike and Larry are racing! Loser goes home alone! If we beat them, they can both go home stag! Single-O! Alone! Jackie can come back in this boat! -If we beat them, they can both go home stag! Single-O! Alone! Jackie can come back in this boat! What about me? -What about me? Uh. Well. Maybe you could give Polo a hand going in.... -Uh. Well. Maybe you could give Polo a hand going in.... Your ass I will. Besides, the wind's turning with the tide. Sailing back is going to be a bitch. -Heading back? Might as well. -He's got to help or it won't work. Sean, baby, please.... -I don't think she's such hot stuff. When are we going out? You and me? -When are we going out? You and me? Not tonight. -Not tonight. You going with Patrick? -Who wouldn't. Anyone want to go the lighthouse? -They're turning around. Coming about, then. -I don't need you. Andy's here. You always go with Andy. -You always go with Andy. How was dive class? -Do I have to play with the little kids? Yeah. Go on, beat it. -I want Fruit Loops! Eat Cheerios. -Eat Cheerios. You eat Cheerios. I want Fruit Loops. -You're going out. Yeah. -Yeah. You're going sailing. -You're going sailing. Maybe. -Maybe. Take me. -Take me. No. -No. I want to go with you! -I want to go with you! Quiet! Shhh! -Quiet! Shhh! Michael.... -Michael.... Okay, okay. Close your door. -Look -- if you're going to get in the way, you can just go home. I'm not in the way. Andy, am I in the way? -Yeah. Would you take him? -And if you have any questions about recreational possibilities, Ellen Brody here will be happy to answer them. Len, can I see you a minute? -I think we got a couple of live ones. Brody's riding his tower. -Brody's riding his tower. Oh, shit. -Wave to my son. How the hell do we get him down. from there? -How the hell do we get him down. from there? Maybe nobody will notice. Let's get them back in the bus. -Oh, my God.... What the hell is he doing? -You should've been out there. You should've seen him waving that gun, like a maniac. There were shots fired! He thought he had a good reason. -Larry, I'm a businessman, trying to make a buck like anybody else. So? So? -So? So? So it can't be done like that. The man's a menace, plain and simple. -So it can't be done like that. The man's a menace, plain and simple. Look, what am I supposed to do? It's done, it's over. We have to deal with the consequences. -Be reasonable, please.... Forget it, he won't listen. -We're ready for you. I have to walk him till the drug wears off. -Why don't you take a rest, Brian? I'm only walking him. You caught him. You have to be exhausted. -I'm only walking him. You caught him. You have to be exhausted. Go on, you're tired. -Go on, you're tired. No, I'm fine, thanks. -It hasn't adjusted. Get the hose! We've got to force more water through the gills and oxygenate him! -Don't feel bad. Okay... Have them get it out of the tank. -Go on, Doctor. No one's ever caught a Great White except indirectly in fishing nets. I want to dart it and keep it alive. -No one's ever caught a Great White except indirectly in fishing nets. I want to dart it and keep it alive. It would make a marvelous attraction; the only Great White in captivity. -It would make a marvelous attraction; the only Great White in captivity. I can get it. -Absolutely. Good idea. With those camera lights and... -With those camera lights and... He's going with you, Doctor. -He's going with you, Doctor. No, it will be too much distraction. I don't want that many people in the water. I'll go in, give it a belly shot, and get out. -No, it will be too much distraction. I don't want that many people in the water. I'll go in, give it a belly shot, and get out. And Philip will be there to film it. Now that's the end of it! -I don't understand. Overman's too good a diver to disappear. Have you checked the bars? The guy's irresponsible; he's done this before. -I'll need more men to look. Can't help you, Mike. Don't have the manpower. -Can't help you, Mike. Don't have the manpower. We're going to have to cover the entire lagoon. -We're going to have to cover the entire lagoon. I know, but you're just going to have to find another way. So you better start. -What you're saying is we have a Great White shark in the lagoon. And a missing man. -What's your plan, Brody? It's easy. Put a net on the derrick. Put the net in the water by the intake passage. Turn off the intake passage. Shark comes out into the net and is hauled up. -It's Miller time! You buying? -You buying? Sure am. -Sure am. Coming with us? Overman's buying. -You see the three-quarter socket? Yeah. Down there. -Yeah. Down there. Shit. -Aren't you suiting up, mate? No. -No. Well, don't worry about your fiancee. We'll watch over her. -Well, don't worry about your fiancee. We'll watch over her. She can take care of herself. She doesn't need you. -She can take care of herself. She doesn't need you. Never know down there. Helps to have a friend, sometimes. -Never know down there. Helps to have a friend, sometimes. How many sharks have you killed? -How many sharks have you killed? Me? I don't know. Twenty, thirty. I love them, think they're the greatest. -Thank you. Want another one? -Well, not much longer to go. What is it, 97 days? -What is it, 97 days? Till this opens, not our wedding. -Till this opens, not our wedding. Hope I make it through both. -Hope I make it through both. You will. I'll see to it. -Look, Kathryn. They're jealous. They're acting very strange suddenly. -They're acting very strange suddenly. Pre-opening jitters. -Pre-opening jitters. I guess. -Damn it. I can't understand! I gotta go, hon. Don't forget you have your brother. -Don't forget you have your brother. Yeah. -Yeah. See you later. -That macho pompous English -- Don't let him get you. Just continue your patterns and pretend he's not around. -Don't let him get you. Just continue your patterns and pretend he's not around. My imagination isn't that good. -My imagination isn't that good. Honey, I gotta go. -Honey, I gotta go. Okay, bye. -You called, Doctor? Everything's going wrong. I'm having more trouble with Bobby than I ever have before. I can't get him to respond. -Everything's going wrong. I'm having more trouble with Bobby than I ever have before. I can't get him to respond. How come? -How come? I don't know. I can't understand it. Something's bothering them. -I don't know. I can't understand it. Something's bothering them. And what else is bothering you? -And what else is bothering you? ... Hutton. He really pisses me off. -... Hutton. He really pisses me off. Yeah, you really don't like him. -Yeah, you really don't like him. I don't like what he does. -I don't like what he does. It's his work. -It's his work. He doesn't need the money. He inherited a fortune. He kills for kicks. TV battles between non-predator fish and divers. The diver always wins. -He doesn't need the money. He inherited a fortune. He kills for kicks. TV battles between non-predator fish and divers. The diver always wins. Okay, forget him now. I'm going to pick up Sean. Take a ride? -Okay, forget him now. I'm going to pick up Sean. Take a ride? I can't leave now. We taking Sean out? -I can't leave now. We taking Sean out? Sure. Want to try that new Italian place? -Sure. Want to try that new Italian place? No, you don't need all that starch. You're getting too fat. -No, you don't need all that starch. You're getting too fat. Not enough loving. -Not enough loving. Get out of here! -They're coming with us? We play hide and seek all the time. They find a lot of things. -Where's the rubber band? Look, Michael... you don't have to come. -Look, Michael... you don't have to come. I don't have a choice. -What do I do now? Take a deep breath and hold it. -Take a deep breath and hold it. That's cute, Kathryn. Real cute. -That's cute, Kathryn. Real cute. Just put your mask on. -Honey... you all right? No. -No. Are you scared? -Are you scared? Yes. -Damn it! Hi, baby. -Hi, baby. Baby goddamn scared me to death! -Baby goddamn scared me to death! They just wanted to say hello. -They just wanted to say hello. ... Friggin' fish. -Let's head to the gate and work our way back. That's a lot of ground to cover. -That's a lot of ground to cover. I know, I built it. I've just never seen it this way. -It's romantic down here. Oh, yeah. Very. -Oh, yeah. Very. You know, on our honeymoon, we should go scuba diving. -You know, on our honeymoon, we should go scuba diving. Let's not talk about that now, okay? -What's wrong? Nothing. -... If nothing's wrong, why are we stopping here? ... Electrical connection malfunctioning. -... Electrical connection malfunctioning. You sound like Houston Mission Control. What the hell does it mean? -You sound like Houston Mission Control. What the hell does it mean? That we swim. -That we swim. Swim where? Out there? Oh, no, forget it, not me! You go, I'm staying. -Swim where? Out there? Oh, no, forget it, not me! You go, I'm staying. Michael, the sub's dead. -Michael, the sub's dead. Yeah, and so will I be if I start swimming in that blackass jungle. -Yeah, and so will I be if I start swimming in that blackass jungle. Okay, stay. We'll come back for you. -Where are you going? Up. -Up. And leave me down here??? -And leave me down here??? Make up your mind. -Make up your mind. What mind? If I had a mind, I'd never have let you talk me into this. -What mind? If I had a mind, I'd never have let you talk me into this. I talked you into this? -I talked you into this? I'd have fallen in love with a pilot or a mountain climber. -I'd have fallen in love with a pilot or a mountain climber. Are you coming...? -Are you coming...? No, I don't want to leave now. I'm having too good a time... Of course I'm coming! You'd think you're gonna leave me? -You would, wouldn't you? I'd end up whale shit, you wouldn't care. Get your reserve bottle and let's go. -You all right? I think so. I'm not sure... Are you? -I think so. I'm not sure... Are you? I'm okay. -Michael... It's all right, baby. We're safe... -How the hell did it get in here? God, they're horrible. I hate them. Did you see its eyes? How black they are? The look in them? -God, they're horrible. I hate them. Did you see its eyes? How black they are? The look in them? Don't think about it. It's over. -Don't think about it. It's over. It's never over... Here comes another six years of bad dreams. -You're going down there again? Yes. -Yes. After what happened to us? -After what happened to us? I know I can capture it. -I know I can capture it. Kathryn, you're crazy. Really crazy. A suicidal maniac. -Oh, yeah. Really nice. Who's your designer? Sassoon Shark? I got it on sale. A real steel. -I got it on sale. A real steel. Here. -Here. What's that? -What's that? Bracelets. -Fine piece of engineering. Should protect you a little, from the compression. If that thing gets ahold of you. -Should protect you a little, from the compression. If that thing gets ahold of you. Thank you. -Kathryn... Yes? -Wouldn't this whole thing be a little safer in the daytime? It's easier to lure sharks at night. -It's easier to lure sharks at night. Why? 'Cause they're hungrier? -Change your mind? No. -No. You amaze me. I'm more scared than you. -You amaze me. I'm more scared than you. No, you're not. -I can use a shot of what he's got. ... Me, too. -After this has opened, when everything's settled down, you and I are going away. Just the two of us. No dolphins, no sharks, no whales, no penguins. Just you and me. Sounds wonderful. -Sounds wonderful. We'll go to Palm Springs, Death Valley, Arizona desert, anyplace where there's no water. -You want me to stay? Get some sleep. And tell Sean I'm sorry. -Get some sleep. And tell Sean I'm sorry. Sean, that's right... -Finally. How's your patient? -How's your patient? Recovering nicely. -Recovering nicely. Me, too. -Mmmm... you smell good. You don't. -You don't. It's my new perfume. Great White, the Man-Eater. -They said you'd be here. What's up? -What's up? I need more pressure in the shark tank. -I need more pressure in the shark tank. Okay. -Okay. I want to make sure the White is getting enough flow. Would you do that for me? -I want to make sure the White is getting enough flow. Would you do that for me? Sure. Let's go. -No, we'll go through here. ... Mean through the tubes? -... Mean through the tubes? Yes. It's faster. -Yes. It's faster. No, I'm not going through there. -No, I'm not going through there. Michael, come on, don't be silly. This is the quickest way. You're not going to walk all the way around? -Michael, come on, don't be silly. This is the quickest way. You're not going to walk all the way around? I'm not going to walk through that shark arcade. -I'm not going to walk through that shark arcade. They're not going to hurt you. They're encased in plastic. -They're not going to hurt you. They're encased in plastic. I don't want to see them, Kathryn. -I don't want to see them, Kathryn. Michael, I don't have time. Please! It's time you dealt with this and got over it. Now come on! -Calvin wants me to move the White for tomorrow. ... He ought to put him in here. -... He ought to put him in here. It's too soon to move him. -It's too soon to move him. So tell Calvin. -So tell Calvin. I did. He wants it on exhibit. -I did. He wants it on exhibit. Well, that's why you got it. -Honey, what is it? Hydrophobia... -Hydrophobia... Michael, take deep breaths. -Michael, take deep breaths. I have to get out of here. -I have to get out of here. Come on. -Come on. I can't take water, Kathryn. -I can't take water, Kathryn. Yes, you can. -Yes, you can. I can't! My dad had it, and I don't know if you can inherit it or what, but I got it, and I hate it. I can't stand it! -Put it under your pillow and sleep on it and the tooth fairy will -- It's a shark's tooth! -It's a shark's tooth! So? -So? It was removed from Charlie Overman's body. -What's the big deal? A shark got Overman, and we got the shark. That's just it, Michael. We don't! -That's just it, Michael. We don't! What do you mean, we don't? -What do you mean, we don't? This tooth is from another shark. A shark that could be 30 feet long! -This tooth is from another shark. A shark that could be 30 feet long! Thirty feet??? -That's what I've come to ask you. Is there any large place that has a strong current of water flowing? I don't understand. -What did you just say before? About water flowing through them? That's why they're always moving. They have to have it. -That's why they're always moving. They have to have it. You wanted to know about a cave? -Somebody better get down there! It's all controlled from the Control Room. -Come on! You two go! I'll call Calvin! -How is he? Couple of fractures, lacerations. They say he's gonna be all right. -Couple of fractures, lacerations. They say he's gonna be all right. ... I have to go, honey. Phillip and I are going down together to kill the shark. -... I have to go, honey. Phillip and I are going down together to kill the shark. ... Okay. -That's right. Who's going to do it? -Who's going to do it? Me. -Me. Michael, you're not going down there. -Michael, you're not going down there. I am. You're not. -I am. You're not. But you -- -But you -- It's a construction job. I'm the only one that can do it. -Michael, you don't have to go down there. I want that shark, Kathryn. -I want that shark, Kathryn. You don't have to prove anything. -You don't have to prove anything. Only to myself. -Are you okay? I'm fine. -Go where? On the telly. We're to film him for the evening news. -On the telly. We're to film him for the evening news. Nobody told me. -Nobody told me. I just did. Can you make them do tricks? -I just did. Can you make them do tricks? They're not tricks. They're behavior patterns. -They're not tricks. They're behavior patterns. Fine. Have them do some. -Fine. Have them do some. I don't know. They're nervous and skittish right now. -I don't know. They're nervous and skittish right now. Yes, aren't we all. -Okay now. Have Flipper flip or something. Make this quick! -It's no use. They won't come into the lagoon. Well then, can you have them jump to the camera over here? -Well then, can you have them jump to the camera over here? Wait a minute. These aren't kangaroos, Mr. Hutton. They're dolphins. -Wait a minute. These aren't kangaroos, Mr. Hutton. They're dolphins. I thought they were clever. -I thought they were clever. I can have them walk backwards. -I can have them walk backwards. No, no. That won't do. -No, no. That won't do. I told you, something's upset them. -I told you, something's upset them. Well, I have to get this into the networks. If you can't do it, you can't do it, that's all. -Well, I have to get this into the networks. If you can't do it, you can't do it, that's all. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. Well, we'll just try again, dear. Keep working on it. Maybe you'll get it one of these years. Pack up, boys. Flipper's a flop. -Unhappy combination. Most likely one's inside the other. Sharks are man-biters, Mister Hutton. Not man-eaters -- -Sharks are man-biters, Mister Hutton. Not man-eaters -- That's a load of codswopple. A Great White doesn't fear man. It doesn't fear beast. It's an orgy of food and blood. diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py index f0eafa0d62f1..c2decfb1c855 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/__init__.py @@ -30,6 +30,7 @@ BertPunctuationCapitalizationInferDataset, ) from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.qa_squad_dataset import SquadDataset +from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.state_tracking_trade_dataset import * from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.text_classification_dataset import BertTextClassificationDataset from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.token_classification_dataset import ( BertTokenClassificationDataset, diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py index 32f2f5acbc09..b5b78979d85c 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py @@ -43,6 +43,8 @@ from torch.utils.data import Dataset +__all__ = ['MultiWOZDataset', 'MultiWOZDataDesc'] + class MultiWOZDataset(Dataset): """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py index 291c708a9a6d..2ae2a5009784 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py @@ -52,6 +52,35 @@ class MultiWOZDataLayer(TextDataLayer): @property def output_ports(self): """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + src_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + src_lens: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + tgt_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + 2: AxisType(TimeTag) + + tgt_lens: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + gating_labels: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + turn_domain: + NeuralType(None) + """ return { "src_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), @@ -59,7 +88,7 @@ def output_ports(self): "tgt_ids": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(TimeTag)}), "tgt_lens": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), "gating_labels": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), - 'turn_domain': NeuralType(None), + "turn_domain": NeuralType(None), } def __init__( diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py index 1eb8b7e5610f..3ba4d631f1da 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/joint_intent_slot_loss.py @@ -73,6 +73,7 @@ def input_ports(self): 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + """ return { "intent_logits": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py index 52f02d77dd1b..a7dfae5b1323 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py @@ -56,12 +56,27 @@ class TRADEMaskedCrosEntropy(LossNM): def input_ports(self): """Returns definitions of module input ports. - hidden_states: + logits: 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(TimeTag) 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + 3: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + targets: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + 2: AxisType(TimeTag) + + mask: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ return { "logits": NeuralType( @@ -75,17 +90,9 @@ def input_ports(self): def output_ports(self): """Returns definitions of module output ports. - intent_logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + loss: + NeuralType(None) - 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) - - slot_logits: - 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - - 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - - 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) """ return {"loss": NeuralType(None)} diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py index e0676d69f9bc..1db903af0902 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py @@ -54,11 +54,41 @@ class TRADEGenerator(TrainableNM): @property def input_ports(self): """Returns definitions of module input ports. + + encoder_hidden: hidden outputs of the encoder + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + encoder_outputs: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + input_lens: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + src_ids: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + targets: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 2: AxisType(TimeTag) + """ return { 'encoder_hidden': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), 'encoder_outputs': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), - 'input_lens': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag),}), + 'input_lens': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag)}), 'src_ids': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag)}), 'targets': NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(TimeTag)}), } @@ -66,6 +96,23 @@ def input_ports(self): @property def output_ports(self): """Returns definitions of module output ports. + + point_outputs: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(TimeTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + 3: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + gate_outputs: + 0: AxisType(BatchTag) + + 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) + + 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) + """ return { 'point_outputs': NeuralType( @@ -175,9 +222,6 @@ def forward(self, encoder_hidden, encoder_outputs, input_lens, src_ids, targets= @staticmethod def attend(seq, cond, padding_mask): - """ - attend over the sequences `seq` using the condition `cond`. - """ scores_ = cond.unsqueeze(1).expand_as(seq).mul(seq).sum(2) scores_ = scores_ + padding_mask scores = F.softmax(scores_, dim=1) From 1259d4807d94db619dc7af612f0be46a1509465e Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 17:30:07 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 123/138] Updated changelog. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- CHANGELOG.md | 3 +++ 1 file changed, 3 insertions(+) diff --git a/CHANGELOG.md b/CHANGELOG.md index fa50c6a13405..1fbf6d6ac532 100644 --- a/CHANGELOG.md +++ b/CHANGELOG.md @@ -91,6 +91,9 @@ To release a new version, please update the changelog as followed: - Updated nemo's use of the logging library. from nemo import logging is now the reccomended way of using the nemo logger. neural_factory.logger and all other instances of logger are now deprecated and planned for removal in the next version. Please see PR 267 for complete change information. ([PR #267](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/pull/267), [PR #283](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/pull/283), [PR #305](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/pull/305), [PR #311](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/pull/311)) - @blisc +- Added TRADE (dialogue state tracking model) on MultiWOZ dataset +([PR #322](https://github.com/NVIDIA/NeMo/pull/322)) - @chiphuyen, @VahidooX + ### Dependencies Update - Added dependency on `wrapt` (the new version of the `deprecated` warning) - @tkornuta-nvidia, @DEKHTIARJonathan From 9a1dc3fb75e73b68f7c964b1cde400bca2f58096 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 17:47:30 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 124/138] Fixed bugs. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 4 ++-- .../nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py | 1 + nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py | 1 + .../nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py | 23 +++++++++++-------- .../collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py | 1 + 5 files changed, 18 insertions(+), 12 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index 2725334b0ec2..6f13aac78457 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -96,7 +96,7 @@ ) gate_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_desc.gating_dict)) -ptr_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.TRADEMaskedCrosEntropy() +ptr_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy() total_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) @@ -140,7 +140,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, input_dropout, data_prefi ) gate_loss = gate_loss_fn(logits=gate_outputs, labels=gate_labels) - ptr_loss = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs, targets=tgt_ids, mask=tgt_lens) + ptr_loss = ptr_loss_fn(logits=point_outputs, targets=tgt_ids, loss_mask=tgt_lens) total_loss = total_loss_fn(loss_1=gate_loss, loss_2=ptr_loss) if is_training: diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py index 897974506fae..1b35d9adc25a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/__init__.py @@ -21,6 +21,7 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.machine_translation_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.punctuation_capitalization_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.qa_squad_datalayer import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.state_tracking_trade_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_classification_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.text_datalayer import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.token_classification_datalayer import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py index 76e04131232f..20333eb42715 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/__init__.py @@ -20,4 +20,5 @@ from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.padded_smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.qa_squad_loss import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.smoothed_cross_entropy_loss import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.state_tracking_trade_loss import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.token_classification_loss import * diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py index a7dfae5b1323..dba7ff453947 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py @@ -41,15 +41,19 @@ from nemo.backends.pytorch.nm import LossNM from nemo.core.neural_types import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag -__all__ = ['TRADEMaskedCrosEntropy', 'CrossEntropyLoss3D'] +__all__ = ['TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy', 'CrossEntropyLoss3D'] -class TRADEMaskedCrosEntropy(LossNM): +class TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy(LossNM): """ - Neural module which implements Masked Language Modeling (MLM) loss. + Neural module which implements a cross entropy for trade model with masking feature. Args: - label_smoothing (float): label smoothing regularization coefficient + logits (float): output of the classifier + targets (long): ground truth targets + loss_mask (long): specifies the ones to get ignored in loss calculation + + """ @property @@ -72,7 +76,7 @@ def input_ports(self): 2: AxisType(TimeTag) - mask: + loss_mask: 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) @@ -83,7 +87,7 @@ def input_ports(self): {0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(TimeTag), 2: AxisType(ChannelTag), 3: AxisType(ChannelTag)} ), "targets": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag), 2: AxisType(TimeTag)}), - "mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), + "loss_mask": NeuralType({0: AxisType(BatchTag), 1: AxisType(ChannelTag)}), } @property @@ -99,14 +103,14 @@ def output_ports(self): def __init__(self): LossNM.__init__(self) - def _loss_function(self, logits, targets, mask): + def _loss_function(self, logits, targets, loss_mask): logits_flat = logits.view(-1, logits.size(-1)) eps = 1e-10 log_probs_flat = torch.log(torch.clamp(logits_flat, min=eps)) target_flat = targets.view(-1, 1) losses_flat = -torch.gather(log_probs_flat, dim=1, index=target_flat) losses = losses_flat.view(*targets.size()) - loss = self.masking(losses, mask) + loss = self.masking(losses, loss_mask) return loss @staticmethod @@ -122,13 +126,12 @@ def masking(losses, mask): class CrossEntropyLoss3D(LossNM): """ - Neural module which implements Token Classification loss. + Neural module which implements a cross entropy loss for 3d logits. Args: num_classes (int): number of classes in a classifier, e.g. size of the vocabulary in language modeling objective logits (float): output of the classifier labels (long): ground truth labels - loss_mask (long): to differentiate from original tokens and paddings """ @property diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py index 7114bdda312f..d466413a905e 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/__init__.py @@ -15,4 +15,5 @@ # ============================================================================= from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.common import * +from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.dialogue_state_tracking import * from nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.joint_intent_slot import * From 2422c8b079dbcedc9bb6e75051e360dac37b6987 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 18:47:51 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 125/138] Updated logging style. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 9 +++++---- .../nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py | 10 +++++----- .../nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py | 8 ++++---- 3 files changed, 14 insertions(+), 13 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index 6f13aac78457..ab965771352d 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -25,6 +25,7 @@ import numpy as np +from nemo import logging import nemo from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import EncoderRNN from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.state_tracking_trade_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback @@ -101,7 +102,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, input_dropout, data_prefix, is_training): - nf.logger.info(f"Loading {data_prefix} data...") + logging.info(f"Loading {data_prefix} data...") shuffle = args.shuffle_data if is_training else False data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.MultiWOZDataLayer( @@ -126,12 +127,12 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, input_dropout, data_prefi print(f'The length of data layer is {data_size}') if data_size < batch_size: - nf.logger.warning("Batch_size is larger than the dataset size") - nf.logger.warning("Reducing batch_size to dataset size") + logging.warning("Batch_size is larger than the dataset size") + logging.warning("Reducing batch_size to dataset size") batch_size = data_size steps_per_epoch = math.ceil(data_size / (batch_size * num_gpus)) - nf.logger.info(f"Steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") + logging.info(f"Steps_per_epoch = {steps_per_epoch}") outputs, hidden = encoder(inputs=src_ids, input_lens=src_lens) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py index 2ae2a5009784..0a364689990a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py @@ -53,22 +53,22 @@ class MultiWOZDataLayer(TextDataLayer): def output_ports(self): """Returns definitions of module output ports. - src_ids: + src_ids: ids of input sequences 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) - src_lens: + src_lens: lens of input sequences 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - tgt_ids: + tgt_ids: labels for the generator output 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) 2: AxisType(TimeTag) - tgt_lens: + tgt_lens: lens of the generator targets 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) @@ -78,7 +78,7 @@ def output_ports(self): 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) - turn_domain: + turn_domain: the id of the domain NeuralType(None) """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py index dba7ff453947..c591fc453afb 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/losses/state_tracking_trade_loss.py @@ -60,7 +60,7 @@ class TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy(LossNM): def input_ports(self): """Returns definitions of module input ports. - logits: + logits: 4d tensor of logits 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(TimeTag) @@ -69,14 +69,14 @@ def input_ports(self): 3: AxisType(ChannelTag) - targets: + targets: 3d tensor of labels 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) 2: AxisType(TimeTag) - loss_mask: + loss_mask: specifies the words to be considered in the loss calculation 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) @@ -94,7 +94,7 @@ def input_ports(self): def output_ports(self): """Returns definitions of module output ports. - loss: + loss: loss value NeuralType(None) """ From 9d11dc2e73e58113a15f8df01e4d7e287056a93e Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 18:52:57 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 126/138] Fixed logging. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 4 +-- .../datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py | 26 +++++++++---------- 2 files changed, 15 insertions(+), 15 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index ab965771352d..3e7b6b206bfb 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -124,7 +124,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, input_dropout, data_prefi src_ids, src_lens, tgt_ids, tgt_lens, gate_labels, turn_domain = data_layer() data_size = len(data_layer) - print(f'The length of data layer is {data_size}') + logging.info(f'The length of data layer is {data_size}') if data_size < batch_size: logging.warning("Batch_size is larger than the dataset size") @@ -180,7 +180,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, input_dropout, data_prefi # Create callbacks for train and eval modes train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=[total_loss_train, gate_loss_train, ptr_loss_train], - print_func=lambda x: print( + print_func=lambda x: logging.info( f'Loss:{str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3))}, ' f'Gate Loss:{str(np.round(x[1].item(), 3))}, ' f'Pointer Loss:{str(np.round(x[2].item(), 3))}' diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py index b5b78979d85c..a99b9927d937 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py @@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ import os import pickle import random - +from nemo import logging from torch.utils.data import Dataset __all__ = ['MultiWOZDataset', 'MultiWOZDataDesc'] @@ -54,7 +54,7 @@ class MultiWOZDataset(Dataset): def __init__(self, data_dir, mode, domains, all_domains, vocab, gating_dict, slots, num_samples=-1, shuffle=False): - print(f'Processing {mode} data') + logging.info(f'Processing {mode} data') self.data_dir = data_dir self.mode = mode self.gating_dict = gating_dict @@ -64,7 +64,7 @@ def __init__(self, data_dir, mode, domains, all_domains, vocab, gating_dict, slo self.slots = slots self.features, self.max_len = self.get_features(num_samples, shuffle) - print("Sample 0: " + str(self.features[0])) + logging.info("Sample 0: " + str(self.features[0])) def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): @@ -72,7 +72,7 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): raise ValueError("num_samples has to be positive", num_samples) filename = f'{self.data_dir}/{self.mode}_dials.json' - print(f'Reading from {filename}') + logging.info(f'Reading from {filename}') dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) domain_count = {} @@ -141,12 +141,12 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): resp_len = len(sample['dialogue_history'].split()) max_resp_len = max(max_resp_len, resp_len) - print('Domain count', domain_count) - print('Max response length', max_resp_len) - print(f'Processing {len(data)} samples') + logging.info('Domain count', domain_count) + logging.info('Max response length', max_resp_len) + logging.info(f'Processing {len(data)} samples') if shuffle: - print(f'Shuffling samples.') + logging.info(f'Shuffling samples.') random.shuffle(data) return data, max_resp_len @@ -229,7 +229,7 @@ class MultiWOZDataDesc: """ def __init__(self, data_dir, domains={"attraction": 0, "restaurant": 1, "taxi": 2, "train": 3, "hotel": 4}): - print(f'Processing MultiWOZ dataset') + logging.info(f'Processing MultiWOZ dataset') self.all_domains = { 'attraction': 0, @@ -260,12 +260,12 @@ def get_vocab(self): self.vocab_file = f'{self.data_dir}/vocab.pkl' if os.path.exists(self.vocab_file): - print(f'Loading vocab from {self.data_dir}') + logging.info(f'Loading vocab from {self.data_dir}') self.vocab = pickle.load(open(self.vocab_file, 'rb')) else: self.create_vocab() - print('Vocab size', len(self.vocab)) + logging.info('Vocab size', len(self.vocab)) def get_slots(self): used_domains = [key for key in self.ontology if key.split('-')[0] in self.domains] @@ -275,7 +275,7 @@ def create_vocab(self): self.vocab.add_words(self.slots, 'slot') filename = f'{self.data_dir}/train_dials.json' - print(f'Building vocab from {filename}') + logging.info(f'Building vocab from {filename}') dialogs = json.load(open(filename, 'r')) max_value_len = 0 @@ -290,7 +290,7 @@ def create_vocab(self): lengths.append(max_value_len) max_value_len = max(lengths) - print(f'Saving vocab to {self.data_dir}') + logging.info(f'Saving vocab to {self.data_dir}') with open(self.vocab_file, 'wb') as handle: pickle.dump(self.vocab, handle) From bc012ed2f933b40f98b7267a6276afe4242db097 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 20:13:01 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 127/138] Added comments for the input/output ports. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py | 23 ++++++++++--------- nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 6 +---- .../datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py | 10 ++++---- .../state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py | 8 +++---- .../state_tracking_trade_nm.py | 14 +++++------ 5 files changed, 29 insertions(+), 32 deletions(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py index 3e7b6b206bfb..996e0195d721 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py +++ b/examples/nlp/dialogue_state_tracking_trade.py @@ -25,8 +25,9 @@ import numpy as np +import nemo.collections.nlp as nemo_nlp +import nemo.core as nemo_core from nemo import logging -import nemo from nemo.backends.pytorch.common import EncoderRNN from nemo.collections.nlp.callbacks.state_tracking_trade_callback import eval_epochs_done_callback, eval_iter_callback from nemo.collections.nlp.data.datasets.state_tracking_trade_dataset import MultiWOZDataDesc @@ -73,8 +74,8 @@ data_desc = MultiWOZDataDesc(args.data_dir, domains) -nf = nemo.core.NeuralModuleFactory( - backend=nemo.core.Backend.PyTorch, +nf = nemo_core.NeuralModuleFactory( + backend=nemo_core.Backend.PyTorch, local_rank=args.local_rank, optimization_level=args.amp_opt_level, log_dir=work_dir, @@ -86,7 +87,7 @@ vocab_size = len(data_desc.vocab) encoder = EncoderRNN(vocab_size, args.emb_dim, args.hid_dim, args.dropout, args.n_layers) -decoder = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.trainables.TRADEGenerator( +decoder = nemo_nlp.nm.trainables.TRADEGenerator( data_desc.vocab, encoder.embedding, args.hid_dim, @@ -96,16 +97,16 @@ teacher_forcing=args.teacher_forcing, ) -gate_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_desc.gating_dict)) -ptr_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy() -total_loss_fn = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.losses.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) +gate_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.CrossEntropyLoss3D(num_classes=len(data_desc.gating_dict)) +ptr_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.TRADEMaskedCrossEntropy() +total_loss_fn = nemo_nlp.nm.losses.LossAggregatorNM(num_inputs=2) def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, input_dropout, data_prefix, is_training): logging.info(f"Loading {data_prefix} data...") shuffle = args.shuffle_data if is_training else False - data_layer = nemo.collections.nlp.nm.data_layers.MultiWOZDataLayer( + data_layer = nemo_nlp.nm.data_layers.MultiWOZDataLayer( args.data_dir, data_desc.domains, all_domains=data_desc.all_domains, @@ -178,7 +179,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, input_dropout, data_prefi ) # Create callbacks for train and eval modes -train_callback = nemo.core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( +train_callback = nemo_core.SimpleLossLoggerCallback( tensors=[total_loss_train, gate_loss_train, ptr_loss_train], print_func=lambda x: logging.info( f'Loss:{str(np.round(x[0].item(), 3))}, ' @@ -190,7 +191,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, input_dropout, data_prefi step_freq=steps_per_epoch_train, ) -eval_callback = nemo.core.EvaluatorCallback( +eval_callback = nemo_core.EvaluatorCallback( eval_tensors=tensors_eval, user_iter_callback=lambda x, y: eval_iter_callback(x, y, data_desc), user_epochs_done_callback=lambda x: eval_epochs_done_callback(x, data_desc), @@ -198,7 +199,7 @@ def create_pipeline(num_samples, batch_size, num_gpus, input_dropout, data_prefi eval_step=steps_per_epoch_train, ) -ckpt_callback = nemo.core.CheckpointCallback( +ckpt_callback = nemo_core.CheckpointCallback( folder=nf.checkpoint_dir, epoch_freq=args.save_epoch_freq, step_freq=args.save_step_freq ) diff --git a/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index c565f18779a0..ced38185f1b4 100644 --- a/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -206,11 +206,7 @@ def forward_cl(self, targets, encoder_outputs=None): class EncoderRNN(TrainableNM): - """ Simple RNN-based encoder using GRU cells - Args: - sum_hidden (bool): sum the hidden from both direction if True - otherwise concatenate - """ + """ Simple RNN-based encoder using GRU cells """ @property def input_ports(self): diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py index a99b9927d937..8bbabe0d6f3f 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py @@ -40,16 +40,18 @@ import os import pickle import random -from nemo import logging + from torch.utils.data import Dataset +from nemo import logging + __all__ = ['MultiWOZDataset', 'MultiWOZDataDesc'] class MultiWOZDataset(Dataset): """ - By default, use only vocab from training - Need to modify the code a little bit to use for all_vocab + By default, use only vocab from training data + Need to modify the code a little bit to create the vocab from all files """ def __init__(self, data_dir, mode, domains, all_domains, vocab, gating_dict, slots, num_samples=-1, shuffle=False): @@ -67,7 +69,6 @@ def __init__(self, data_dir, mode, domains, all_domains, vocab, gating_dict, slo logging.info("Sample 0: " + str(self.features[0])) def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): - if num_samples == 0: raise ValueError("num_samples has to be positive", num_samples) @@ -156,7 +157,6 @@ def __len__(self): def __getitem__(self, idx): item = self.features[idx] - return { 'dialog_id': item['ID'], 'turn_id': item['turn_id'], diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py index 0a364689990a..decfc035c25b 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/data_layers/state_tracking_trade_datalayer.py @@ -58,7 +58,7 @@ def output_ports(self): 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) - src_lens: lens of input sequences + src_lens: lengths of input sequences 0: AxisType(BatchTag) tgt_ids: labels for the generator output @@ -68,17 +68,17 @@ def output_ports(self): 2: AxisType(TimeTag) - tgt_lens: lens of the generator targets + tgt_lens: lengths of the generator targets 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) - gating_labels: + gating_labels: labels for the gating head 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) - turn_domain: the id of the domain + turn_domain: list of the domains NeuralType(None) """ diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py index 1db903af0902..5a2aa466afe1 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/nm/trainables/dialogue_state_tracking/state_tracking_trade_nm.py @@ -55,29 +55,29 @@ class TRADEGenerator(TrainableNM): def input_ports(self): """Returns definitions of module input ports. - encoder_hidden: hidden outputs of the encoder + encoder_hidden: hidden states of the encoder 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(TimeTag) 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - encoder_outputs: + encoder_outputs: outputs of the encoder 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(TimeTag) 2: AxisType(ChannelTag) - input_lens: + input_lens: lengths of the input sequences to encoder 0: AxisType(BatchTag) - src_ids: + src_ids: input sequences to encoder 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(TimeTag) - targets: + targets: targets for the output of the generator 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(BatchTag) @@ -97,7 +97,7 @@ def input_ports(self): def output_ports(self): """Returns definitions of module output ports. - point_outputs: + point_outputs: outputs of the generator 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(TimeTag) @@ -106,7 +106,7 @@ def output_ports(self): 3: AxisType(ChannelTag) - gate_outputs: + gate_outputs: outputs of gating heads 0: AxisType(BatchTag) 1: AxisType(ChannelTag) From 2612258940143f1a95ed664efc08d109d93e5740 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 20:17:01 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 128/138] Replaced prints with logging. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py | 18 +++++++++++++++++- .../callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py | 5 +++-- 2 files changed, 20 insertions(+), 3 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py b/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py index ced38185f1b4..4a112c18c6eb 100644 --- a/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py +++ b/nemo/backends/pytorch/common/rnn.py @@ -1,4 +1,18 @@ -__all__ = ['DecoderRNN', 'EncoderRNN'] +# ============================================================================= +# Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# +# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); +# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. +# You may obtain a copy of the License at +# +# http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 +# +# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software +# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS, +# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied. +# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and +# limitations under the License. +# ============================================================================= import random @@ -11,6 +25,8 @@ from nemo.core.neural_types import AxisType, BatchTag, ChannelTag, NeuralType, TimeTag from nemo.utils.misc import pad_to +__all__ = ['DecoderRNN', 'EncoderRNN'] + class DecoderRNN(TrainableNM): """Simple RNN-based decoder with attention. diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py index 16189efbb9ab..84dc93f01b19 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ # ============================================================================= -# Copyright 2019 AI Applications Design Team at NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. +# Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # # Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License"); # you may not use this file except in compliance with the License. @@ -16,6 +16,7 @@ import numpy as np import torch +import nemo.logging as logging __all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] @@ -66,7 +67,7 @@ def eval_epochs_done_callback(global_vars, data_desc): gating_acc = np.sum(gating_comp_flatten) / len(gating_comp_flatten) evaluation_metrics = {"Joint_Goal_Acc": joint_acc, "Turn_Acc": turn_acc, "Gate_Acc": gating_acc} - print(evaluation_metrics) + logging.info(evaluation_metrics) return evaluation_metrics From 95d7704f3d72faa08a78d700571b3bbd78266539 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 20:17:41 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 129/138] Fixed styles. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py | 1 + 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py index 84dc93f01b19..ae037de8a30a 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py @@ -16,6 +16,7 @@ import numpy as np import torch + import nemo.logging as logging __all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] From ef3e150a26ef8e8ba9ee8b584c9e674ddc0899f7 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 20:21:27 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 130/138] Fixed styles. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py | 1 + 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+) diff --git a/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py b/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py index 2c41a40521fb..f7061318305c 100644 --- a/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py +++ b/nemo/backends/pytorch/actions.py @@ -1097,6 +1097,7 @@ def train( p[0].parameters() for p in opt_call_chain if isinstance(p[0], TrainableNM) or p[0].is_trainable() ] params_to_optimize = itertools.chain(*params_list) + # Setup optimizer instance. By default it is SGD optimizer_instance = None optimizer_class = None From d1469bf54a85bcfc540bfd72d97296d51448f035 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 20:29:20 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 131/138] Added refs in process_multiwoz.py Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py | 1 + 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+) diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py index eed85c69d0f8..eae98ffbbad5 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py @@ -41,6 +41,7 @@ Code based on: https://github.com/jasonwu0731/trade-dst +https://github.com/budzianowski/multiwoz """ import argparse From 5d387ef8c2260ff31f43c397696ea25e90b9dce6 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2020 20:32:18 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 132/138] Fixed import bug. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py index ae037de8a30a..01cc43047d36 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/callbacks/state_tracking_trade_callback.py @@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ import numpy as np import torch -import nemo.logging as logging +from nemo import logging __all__ = ['eval_iter_callback', 'eval_epochs_done_callback'] From bdb46d2edf30d714955743bd689fc8728a3a3167 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 5 Feb 2020 10:04:39 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 133/138] Added multiwoz license. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py index eae98ffbbad5..beb46f2aea99 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py @@ -15,7 +15,7 @@ # ============================================================================= # ============================================================================= -# Copyright 2019 Salesforce Research. +# Copyright 2019 Salesforce Research - Paweł Budzianowski. # # Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a # copy of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), From 8631b5079c58fce970b10b7c71bd4d37ed4321bc Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 5 Feb 2020 10:23:35 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 134/138] Added #!/usr/bin/python to the process_multiwoz.py. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py | 2 ++ 1 file changed, 2 insertions(+) diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py index beb46f2aea99..2a112d2f4119 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py @@ -1,3 +1,5 @@ +#!/usr/bin/python + # ============================================================================= # Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. # From 5d37a1bb9fcfc4b06520766a8b6f2276e857219f Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 5 Feb 2020 10:30:05 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 135/138] Fixed copyright header. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py index 2a112d2f4119..9715e0f47cad 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py @@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ # ============================================================================= # ============================================================================= -# Copyright 2019 Salesforce Research - Paweł Budzianowski. +# Copyright 2019 Salesforce Research and Paweł Budzianowski. # # Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a # copy of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), From 5632f745fd3b9faf1c1570c69d60a06f2c760813 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 5 Feb 2020 10:51:29 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 136/138] Fixed copyright header. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py index 9715e0f47cad..b3d6b247d3bb 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ -#!/usr/bin/python +7#!/usr/bin/python # ============================================================================= # Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved. From a26e11abc69fed94ce221d2bca4ecea4e4a025d3 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 5 Feb 2020 11:05:01 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 137/138] Fixed logging warnings. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- .../nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py | 6 +++--- 1 file changed, 3 insertions(+), 3 deletions(-) diff --git a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py index 8bbabe0d6f3f..0995d7c14249 100644 --- a/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py +++ b/nemo/collections/nlp/data/datasets/state_tracking_trade_dataset.py @@ -142,8 +142,8 @@ def get_features(self, num_samples, shuffle): resp_len = len(sample['dialogue_history'].split()) max_resp_len = max(max_resp_len, resp_len) - logging.info('Domain count', domain_count) - logging.info('Max response length', max_resp_len) + logging.info(f'Domain count{domain_count}') + logging.info(f'Max response length{max_resp_len}') logging.info(f'Processing {len(data)} samples') if shuffle: @@ -265,7 +265,7 @@ def get_vocab(self): else: self.create_vocab() - logging.info('Vocab size', len(self.vocab)) + logging.info(f'Vocab size {len(self.vocab)}') def get_slots(self): used_domains = [key for key in self.ontology if key.split('-')[0] in self.domains] From 14286aaf8e79a9c403e69ac8d5d6707b7c88f719 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: VahidooX Date: Wed, 5 Feb 2020 11:51:25 -0800 Subject: [PATCH 138/138] Fixed style. Signed-off-by: VahidooX --- examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py index b3d6b247d3bb..bcdeec21bc0b 100644 --- a/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py +++ b/examples/nlp/scripts/multiwoz/process_multiwoz.py @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ -7#!/usr/bin/python +7 #!/usr/bin/python # ============================================================================= # Copyright 2019 NVIDIA. All Rights Reserved.